Glee 1. No Style

_A/N: A quick Glee character exercise. Brittany needs more love. I__'m so glad she's getting her own episode next season! Not that all the characters don't rock, but Brittany gets the best lines. I'll be having at least another chapter to this.  
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_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Srsly._

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_No Style_

Kurt walked across the polished tiled floors of the mall and heard his very expensive designer shoes tap across it despite the loud hum of many different conversations overlapping on one another. He glanced from Quinn on one side and then to Mercedes on the other, each with their own bags that they had gotten help from him from. It was kind of nice giving fashion advice out to people that would actually listen, maybe he could add fashion consultant on his list of what to do after high school. How long were they there again? He took his cell out of his jeans pocket.

"It's quarter to five," he said as he looked at the phone's screen before putting it back in his pocket. "You girls want to keep on shopping or are you ready to get out of here?"

"I vote for getting out of here and getting something to eat," Quinn said. "We've been here since…well I forget when, but it's too long with no food. I forgot to eat lunch."

"Now that you mention it, same here," Kurt said suddenly feeling the hunger pangs through his stomach. "I do get caught up in shopping."

"That goes for all of us," Mercedes said as they rounded a corner. "I say we get outta here. I'm starving," Mercedes said then looked across from Kurt to Quinn. "You got yourself plenty of new clothes to start off the summer. They look awesome."

"You think?" Quinn said, looking at a shopping bag and pursed her lips. "There's not too much in here for the summer, I can't really wear all of what I used to."

"Ah, quit worrying about that. You look awesome, girl."

"Thanks," she said with a small smile. "Thing is I've read online that sometimes the baby weight stays put for keeps which means I'll need to save up money for more clothes if I can't lose it. My closet is full of clothes that are either too big or too small, not exactly what's best to start summer in."

"Oh, c'mon, you sound like you've lost your life. Not like you're not keepin' the baby, you've got plenty of time to have fun this summer and forget about stupid things like that."

"Mercedes is right, you look fabulous as is," Kurt said and Quinn flashed them both a grateful smile. "Although I do recommend not buying any more clothes until you lose all that baby weight." Kurt said quickly. At Mercedes look that told him 'why did you say that you idiot' he added, "Not to say that you look terrible or anything, what I mean is that your body is probably going to lose the weight when you eat normally. No baby in you or with you so there's no reason for it to stay there."

"You sure that's how this works?" Quinn asked.

"Positive. You see the pictures of Heidi Klum? Mother of two and she still looks like she did before."

"Heidi Klum is a millionaire," Mercedes said. "She can probably afford lypo or somethin'."

"I don't know about that-" Kurt said then looked in front of him to see Brittany standing alone with bags full of whatever she had bought in hand, looking rather out of it. How odd. That made him lose his train of thought. She was looking above and below for something, with people moving about her and she didn't seem to notice. "Is that Brittany? Alone?"

"Well that's pretty weird. Maybe something happened," Quinn said before she sped up to get closer to her. "Hey, Brittany."

Brittany didn't seem to notice anything at all, and her eyes kept on moving to the stores around her as she stood in place.

"Hey, blondie!" Mercedes yelled, and that made Brittany literally jump a bit into the air before she turned around to them through wide blue eyes.

"Oh, hey guys," she said as she walked towards them. "I totally didn't see you there."

"We noticed," Kurt said.

"Why are you here alone?" Quinn asked.

"I'm not here alone. I came here with Santana and some other people."

"Other people?"

"Yeah. Forgot their names."

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me," Kurt muttered before he looked about but still didn't see anyone that matched the description of a bunch of teenage girls, or even Santana. "I don't see them."

"Oh, that's `cause I lost them here this place is, like, totally big. I lose them all the time, I think they're used to it."

"Yeah, I remember," Quinn said. "Don't you think you should find them?"

"I can't, I gave up trying. I call but I never know where they are when they say. I still don't know where the food court is."

"How could you not know that?"

"I always just follow them, they know where they're going," she said but brought a plastic bag that was in her hand up. "At least I got some clothes before I got lost. Wanna see?"

"Sure, why not," Kurt said and brought a hand to open the bag that was in her hands. "I think I only ever see you in that Cheerios uniform."

"The uniform is super easy to wear but it's not like I can wear it in the summer. Santana normally helps me shop but this time I wanted to get stuff I liked," she said, and as Kurt peered into the bag he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. What was this, the 80s? Neon tights and jeans that looked like they were too big. It was too much, he had to take a step back with a hand over his mouth. Quinn and Mercedes looked at him, before they took a look into the bag too.

"I can't believe it," Kurt said completely appalled. "You have no style."

"I do too have style," Brittany said and sounded quite offended. "I've got plenty of style. It's all in my closet."

"Wait, what?" Mercedes said with an annoyed confusion. "You can't keep style in a closet."

"Yes I can," she said then looked at them. "Don't worry, it's totally alright, you guys. Everyone has style in their closets," she paused in thought. "Well, except poor people like Tarzan that live in the jungle and can't wear clothes. Those people have no style at all but that's not me, I don't live in a jungle or anything. I was just buying some style now since it's summer.

"You can't just buy style," Kurt said, finally regaining his composure. "Style doesn't just mean clothes."

"It doesn't?"

"I feel like I'm teaching a second-grader," Kurt muttered as he rolled his eyes and Mercedes grinned at him. "Well, it seems like you've got a lot to learn."

"Learn? You mean like school?" she sounded apprehensive. "I don't like school."

"No, this isn't going to be like school. Just listen to me," he said before he sighed. "Well you can wear whatever clothes you want, but to have style it's much better if it matches your skin tone." he looked at her appraisingly. "You've got it easy. Thin figure, neutral skin tone, blonde hair, blue eyes. You could get away with practically anything."

"So you mean like the stuff I got?"

Kurt put a hand to his forehead. "No, not those. Those are terrible. When I say anything, I mean anything with style."

"And style isn't clothes…but people that wear clothes have style," she tilted her head. "I don't get it."

Kurt sighed. "Looks like I'll have to show you."

"Wait, weren't we going to eat?" Mercedes said. "I don't wanna wait another hour for this, I'm too hungry for that."

"Gotta admit, I agree with Mercedes. I don't want to wait another minute."

"That's, like, totally fine. I'm hungry too," Brittany said. "Can I come? I don't think I can make my way out of this place on my own. I always just wait until some security get me out."

"That's, uh, interesting," Kurt said. How exactly was he supposed to respond to that? "Let's go eat. I'll…show you tomorrow."

"Okay," she said and she turned. Mercedes caught her elbow, and pointed to the way out. Kurt shook his head and kept on walking outside. He didn't know if he was going to enjoy giving fashion advice to Brittany like he did the others but if there was one thing in the world he hated was someone that had bad taste. He had to fix it.


	2. Wheel of Fortune

_A/N: I must say it was a surprise to come home from my summer class to find four reviews for this story. Thanks for that! Made me feel nice. =3_

_I just found out there's a video on Youtube that has all of Brittany's best lines in like a four minute clip. I love it! I think I may try to memorize them all. There's also a Sue Sylvester one which is also awesome, but unrelated to Brittany._

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_Wheel of Fortune_

"I don't know what you're talking about," Brittany said as she walked from the hallway of the mall and stopped in the doorway of H&M.

"But you've taken art class with me," Kurt said as he stopped to stand across from her and he crossed his arms. "You have to know what it is."

"No I don't," she said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I don't have to remember anything in school, school is lame. I take art class 'cause it's super easy. I think we finger painted in it once, that was fun. You remember that?"

"No I don't think that happened," he said and paused to wonder just how she could think that. "Are you sure you're not thinking of kindergarten?"

"Might be," she said and shrugged her shoulders. "I dunno."

"Uh, right," he said and he felt someone brush past him with a mumbled 'Excuse me' that looked like she had much more style then Brittany. "C'mon, we've gotta move. We're in the way."

"What way?"

"The doorway."

"In the way of the doorway?" she blinked a few times. "Why's the doorway need us not to be in his way? Doorways don't think."

"Of course they don't," he said and he was not in any mood to explain this to her but he knew he'd have to. How did he get himself into this mess? "We're in the way of other people that are coming in here to shop that actually know how to dress themselves with style."

"I know how to dress myself with style."

"I beg to differ," he said and looked at her outfit that she had actually decided to wear with him. Neon green tights with some long wrinkled bright pink shirt that fell above her knees that he knew she must have slept in. He shuddered "Style isn't clothes remember?"

"Oh yeah, you said that before," she said. "I still don't get it."

He sighed. "You don't have to. Now, let's go by the dress section first," he said before he walked through the wide array of racks filled with colourful clothing to one that he knew was what he was looking for. He'd shopped there enough to know where everything was, anyway. "Dresses never go out of style for the summer."

"They don't?" she asked as she followed him.

"No, they don't," he said.

"Oh okay," she said and she stilled as she was in between two racks filled with dresses. "What do we do now?"

"Now we look through the dresses to find something for you."

"Okay," she said and looked ready to sort through them.

"But before that I think I need to teach you what to look for. You have to remember the colour wheel, it's a basic thing to know."

"I already told you I don't."

"Think Brit, you have to remember what the colour wheel is."

"Colour wheel…maybe," she said and she pursed her lips and furrowed her brow and looked as though in thought. "Oh, yeah, I remember now," she said and looked as though she had a revelation and he relaxed. Maybe this wouldn't be as difficult as he thought. "That's like the Wheel of Fortune, right? That stupid art teacher always gave us the wrong wheel 'cause we're still in high school and I'm kind of glad she did. I think I'd go totally crazy if she made us know all those colours and numbers."

Or not.

"The Wheel of Fortune is not the colour wheel," he said as slowly as possible and took a deep breath to keep his temper in check.

"Yeah it is! The Wheel of Fortune has lots of colours on it. There are sparkly ones and ones that have pictures of places to go to and that mean black one that makes all the money go away," she said and he just stared at her. "Wait, what's that got to do with style?"

He put a hand to his forehead. "Not that you'll remember what I'm saying but the colour wheel is very important when you pick colours to make an outfit and to find colours to match your natural colouring."

"It is? I think I get it now!" she said and clapped her hands together. He smiled, maybe he was getting through to her. "Style is the Wheel of Fortune."

"No! No it is not," he said and took a deep breath as he sorted through all the thoughts that went through his mind. How was he going to actually explain this to Brittany, she wasn't like Quinn or Mercedes. She couldn't listen. "Okay, forget everything I just said. I'm not asking you to learn anything from me anymore. Let's just look and I'll tell you what you should wear."

"That sounds easy," she said and she turned her attention to the racks of clothing and he did the same and felt the fabrics on his hands as he looked through them. He brought a red wrap dress out and took a quick look at Brittany to see if it would work with her. _No, this one is definitely more for an hourglass shape_, he thought as he put the dress back and looked through more. Now this was more like it, his headache and irritation was all but gone now and Lady Gaga's Bad Romance played on the radio. He hummed along to it and remembered just how much fun it was when he performed it with the rest of Glee Club. Maybe he could talk them into doing that again sometime…

Aha! He pulled out another dress but this time it was strapless and white that would probably hit above Brittany's knee, or thereabouts, and had spots of bright pink flowers that were blurred slightly that reminded him of watercolours.

"I think I found one" came Brittany's excited voice and she.

"Yeah, me too," he said and just by looking at the size of the dress that she had in her hands made his eyebrows raise. "Let's swap."

"Alright," she said and he felt the shift of fabric and hands as they swapped dresses, but by the look of things Brittany had not listened to what he told her on the ride there. Not only was it the wrong colour and shape for her it was…huge.

"Brittany," he said and checked the tag and his eyes widened. "This is a size 16, you are not a size 16."

"Yeah I am," she said and looked up from his find.

"No you're not."

"Yeah, I am," she repeated. "And so are you."

"No I'm not, we're both completely different sizes," he said and had no idea how she even came to that conclusion. He looked at her appraisingly. "Depending on the make you'd be a size 4 or 6 but definitely not 16."

"I'm not four or six!" she said and crossed her arms. "Look, I know some people say I'm like a little kid but I, like, totally hate people calling me that. I thought you were nice."

"We're talking about your pant size, not your mental maturity," Kurt said and at her blank stare he rolled his eyes.

"Mentala matura?" her head tilted to the side. "That like, Spanish or something?"

"No it's not," he said before he sighed and brought a hand through his short hair that he gelled in a style in the morning. He brought his hand back to his side, he did not want to mess it up because he was frustrated. That would be a hair catastrophe. "It means how much you do or don't act like a little kid."

"Oh, okay. I'll try to remember so I can say mentala matura to sound smart."

"Mental maturity."

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"Uh, sure," he said and shook his head. "Important thing here is that your age doesn't mean your pant size."

"It doesn't?" she said like there was an internal revelation. "So that's why none of the pants fit when I tried them on at home. That means that I'm not gonna be wearing a size 17 this year."

"No, you won't," he said not mentioning that they don't sell size seventeen.

"Anyway, I totally like this one that you picked out," she said and she held it up to herself. "It's hot."

"I know, right? I have good taste," he said and felt a satisfaction at being recognized for his skills that were so obviously superior to hers. He was right, it did fall just above the knee.

"Okay, so, like, does this mean we're done?"

"Far from it, we have to get you a whole new wardrobe. One dress down, more dresses to go, not to mention shirts and pants that actually fit."

"Okay so…more dresses?"

"Try looking for bright colours,"

"Bright colours…" Brittany said and looked about the racks with her hands brushing through them and he did the same before she picked out a neon orange dress that had frills on the collar. Frills at the waist. Frills at the bottom. Oh God no. "Like this?"

"No, not like that. When I say bright I do not mean like that."

"What's the difference? This is a bright colour and you said bright."

He sighed and put a hand to his forehead. "That is neon, Brittany. Neon is something that has only ever been in style for one decade and that was practically thirty years ago. It is most certainly not something that you should even think of wearing now."

"But I'm thinking about wearing it," she said and took the two dresses in her arms. "I'm gonna try them on."

"Not the neon one. That is hideous."

"No it's not," she said and hugged it close to her chest. "I like it. It's bright and it's orange, orange is like, my favourite colour."

"You'll look like a clown on acid if you put that thing on."

"I wanna buy it," she said and started to back away.

"No," he said and his eyes were wide. He grabbed onto the bright orange dress and pulled. He could not let this fashion disaster happen. He heard the other dress clatter to the ground and she held a firm grasp of the dress in her hands.

"What're you freaking out about? It's not like your gonna wear it. I wanna keep it," she said and gave it a tug, but Kurt's hold was on it so tightly that he knew his knuckles were going white. "It looks pretty."

"It most certainly does not look pretty," he said with some sort of wild drive that he hadn't felt before. He pulled on it more but she pulled right back and almost sent him off his feet. He cursed just how unathletic he was and for once in his life he wished he actually cared enough to work out. "You put that back right now unless you want to look like a walking pylon."

"But I like pylons, they make it so cars don't crash," she said and pulled it again.

"Then why don't you go and be a pylon when you get out of high school," he said through gritted teeth and he tugged with all the upper body strength he could muster. He heard a rip. Not good.

"That's, like, a good idea. I never thought of that," she said and pulled again and this time that rip was much, much louder and he was sent flying through the air and felt the cold, hard ground against his butt.

"Now look what you just did."

"Nu-uh!" Brittany said, who was sitting further away across the floor. "That was your fault."

"My faul-"

"Now one of you kids is going to have to pay for that."

Kurt slowly looked up from Brittany and the tiled ground that was showered in the ripped orange cloth to see the look of a middle aged woman that stood in a different aisle that looked none too impressed. This was not good.

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_A/N: More chapters to come! Kurt shan't give up this easily._


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Glee, Friendship, Humor