Glee 1. Chapter 1 Worth The Risk

No Turning Back

Hi readers! (If I have any) This is my first fanfic story. So I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This is set to be during/after the famous Hurt Locket scene. I've changed things up a bit. So it's not completely following Glee's story line past that point. But hope you enjoy. Feel free to follow my tumblr or twitter if you have questions or anything else :) SophiaLavigne or .com

Chapter 1 Worth The Risk

Soundtrack: Tristan Prettyman-All I Want Is You

I have to do it. This is it. There's no doubt in my mind, I want this to happen. All I want is her. I am in love with Brittany S. Pierce. It may have taken forever to accept that but Holly Holiday showed me that when she said, "It's not about who you're attracted to ultimately, it's about who you fall in love with."

Although it hurts, lately I've actually been paying attention to Brittany & Artie's relationship. And it seems like she might actually like him... Their relationship was only began to make me jealous in the first place. Ugh I should have just sang the duet with Brittany. Then all of this could have been avoided.

Pondering how everything would have been different if I'd have just said yes I began to feel light headed, I need to sit down. I need to stop pacing my room like a crazy person. I need to calm down and concentrate on one thing, my one thing, Brittany.

I've never thought I would fall for my best friend of 8 years. Shit, I never even thought I would be gay. Wait, i take that back i have thought about that but it was easy to deny...until Brittany came along. Although I should have seen the signs. I was always wanting to hang pictures up of female models on my wall. I would have gone through with it if it wasn't for Quinn.

(FLASHBACK)

(5 years ago. Santana's bedroom)

"Oh, how about her? She's really pretty." ,Santana said while raising her eyebrow at the fashionable female model in the magazine.

"Yea, I guess. But can I ask you something Santana?" ,Quinn replied. Santana looked at Quinn and saw a bit of nerves in her expression. "Um yea sure. What?"

Quinn took a deep breathe before saying, "Isn't putting pictures of women in swim suits on your wall kind of...gay?"

Santana froze. Trying to think of a good comeback was really difficult while Quinn was staring at you like she almost wants you to say yes. But somehow staring at you with curious eyes that look a bit frightening.

"W-What? No of c-course not! She isn't even in a swim suit. It's more like...um more like fashion panties. Santana cringed at her reply. Her brain went on auto reply without her realizing her answer was horrible!

Quinn looked at the shy Santana and giggled. "Like that's any less gay!"

"I'm not gay, ok?" ,Santana snapped back. Glad that her confidence was seeping back into her. Before Quinn could respond, Santana's mother knocked on the door before opening it. "Quinn, your mother is here." Quinn turned her attention to Santana. "Well bye San."

"Bye Quinn."

(END FLASHBACK)

That's when I realized being gay was looked at as being different. Some people like different but most people don't. I never did put those pictures on my wall. Maybe someday I will. I wish I could be as brave as Brittany is. The first time I went in her room I almost chocked on my gum. She had a huge poster of Britney Spears in skimpy clothes on her wall. I remember being jealous at first that she could have that on her wall and I couldn't.

But anyways that's not the point. Right now I need to think up a plan to tell Brittany my feelings. I forced myself up from my comfortable bed to go practice using my mirror. I almost can't recognize my reflection. I look so...tired. Well I guess I am. I'm tired of being jealous. Tired of being wanted because of my hott body but not for me. I do put on a tough bitch act but no one has taken a chance to crack my shell. To really see me. The only person who has is Brittany and Quinn. But Quinn and I are fighting, we have been ever since I met Brittany. And Brittany and I have unfortunately been growing apart ever since Artie. Damn, when did things get so complicated?

I then realize that i should be practicing. I open my mouth but words won't come out. What will I say to her? Where will I tell her? How can I get her alone? He's always fucking following her! Like some dog or something. I understand that he likes showing off that he has the popular cheerleader. But seriously? It's pathetic.

I just realized that I'm still awkwardly standing at my mirror. I go to sit on my bed and figure this out when I see my notebook journal. That's it! I can write her a letter! That's so much easier. I sit at my desk and begin.

(3 hours later)

After 5 re-writes I'm finally satisfied with the turn out. I fold the paper and seal it with a unicorn sticker Brittany made me buy her. I put the letter in my school binder so I won't forget it. And then it hits me. I'm telling Brittany. I'm telling My best friend aka the love of my life that I'm in love with her. Tomorrow's the big day. Maybe the biggest day of my life. But I'm confident that she will say she loves my back. She doesn't really care about Artie. That's all pretend...right? Don't think like that Santana, he's just a stupid boy! I'm so much better than him in every way possible! I smile at my note and walk over to my bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.

When I get back to my room my mom is sitting in my chair.

"Hey hun. Why the big smile?"

I quickly turn my head away. I didn't even realize I was smiling. I turn back to my mom and hope that she can't see my blush forming.

"I wasn't smiling mom. I'm just happy that...I got an A+ on my English paper today." I replied quickly.

"Oh sweetie that's great! Let me see it" my mom replied with a big smile.

Shit. There was actually no work to be done today in English class.

"Umm it's still at school" I reply hoping she doesn't catch me lying.

"Oh, ok. Well I just came up here to say goodnight."

"Night mom."

After she left I let out a sigh of relief. She can usually always tell when I'm lying. I'm glad she didn't question me further otherwise she would have gotten the truth out of me. She's good at that. But then i got to thinking about her and my dad...Would my parents accept me if they knew I was in love with Brittany? Would they still love me if they knew i was lesbian...? They've never really said anything that indicates that they're homophobic. But then again they're not marching at a pride parade. Now I'm suddenly scared of their reaction. I obviously haven't thought this through.

I changed into pajamas and crawled into my silk sheets. I need positive thinking. Tomorrow things would be different between Brittany and I. We would be a couple. I might even decide to make it public if she wants it to be. On second thought, maybe. Being public is a big step that i'm willing to take...right? Would people try to bul- No! Don't even think like that Santana! Surely no one would think to mess with me, I am the Santana Lopez. I'm know for being a bitch, i could but brush past the looks and the talk behind my back. But just then Kurt comes to mind. All of the bullying that happened to him from coming out. I should talk to Kurt tomorrow to ask him if it was worth it. I'm starting to feel really terrified with this whole thing. I'm thinking about calling it quits when i realize that i'm being selfish, this is what Brittany and i want. To finally be together. With this thought fresh in mind I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I check my iphone and see that it's 1:14 AM. How could I possibly sleep knowing that today it all happens? I feel something wet on my cheek and notice that I'm crying. I'm not sure if the tears are from the thought of getting bullied or if it's from the thought of it not being worth it in the end. I think i can be strong about this. I hope i can, especially for Brittany's sake. I close my eyes and pray that sleep comes soon.


	2. Chapter 2 Broken Nothing

**No Turning Back**

Thanks for the review barbie2305 it means a lot :)

Chapter 2 Broken Nothing

Soundtrack: Blue October-Hate Me

I awoke to the sound of my alarm. Getting ready for school is very hard because I'm not just getting ready for school, I'm getting ready for Brittany. Today's the day. I smile at myself in the mirror. I'm satisfied with my appearance. I'm wearing a purple and black striped dress with a black leather jacket and matching black boots. And to top it all off I'm wearing our friendship bracelet. I'm sure Brittany will love it, because recently I stopped wearing it when she started dating Artie. I give myself one more look over then I'm off. I decide to skip breakfast in case I get too nervous and it comes back up. I get in my black 1968 Camaro and speed off to school.

When I arrive at school I realize that I'm really early. Brittany won't be here by now. But another person I need to see will be. I spot him in the library. I sit across from him at a table. "Hi Kurt", I'm trying to sound friendly but it just sounded rushed.

He finally looks up at me. "Umm Santana? Why are you here?", he replied cautiously. "Listen, before you jump to any conclusions I'm not here to insult you or to harm you in any way. Ok?" I say. I visibly see him let out a sigh of relief. Then his expression changed to confusion.

"Then...why are you here Santana?"

"I'm here to talk to you. To ask you some things"

"You and I have never really talked before...Are you sure it's me you wanna talk to? I mean we've never even-"

I cut him off. "I'm sorry Kurt" I look at him to see shock written all over his face. I continue anyway.

"I'm sorry for saying those awful things to you Kurt. You're a nice guy. I shouldn't have said them."

"Wow...I wasn't expecting that. Honestly I'm really surprised Santana. I never expected an apology from anyone. Especially you. But, apology accepted. Is that what you came here to say?" Kurt said slowly.

"Well yes. No. I did want to tell you that, but I have a question. Was...it worth it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was Blaine worth all of the bullying?"

"Well we are not together, but so far it was just worth it to have a friend like Blaine."

"Oh. Ok. I'm glad you do. Um ok bye Kurt. See you in Glee club."

I get up to leave but Kurt speaks up.

"Wait Santana. What is all of this about?" Kurt says curiously.

"Nothing." I reply quickly.

I leave the library and walk back to my car. I grab my school binder and put the note in my jacket pocket. I walk back in the school and notice more people have arrived by now. I can see Brittany's locker by now. But then I see her pushing Artie. My heart drops at the sight. She stopped pushing him and is kissing him goodbye. I turn away at the sight. I run to the closest bathroom I can find. I quickly check to make sure no one is in there. When it's clear I finally let myself break. This is going to be harder than I thought. That was the first time I've seem them kiss. Hopefully the last time. I put my hand in my pocket and feel the letter. I realize this letter isn't good enough for Brittany. She at least deserves to hear it from me. It's what she's wanted right? I quickly fix my hair and my make up again before leaving the bathroom.

I see Brittany alone at her locker. Suddenly my confidence is no where to be found. I feel like everyone is staring at me. Judging my every move. I stop staring at her and slowly make my way to her.

"Hi."

"Hey"

"Can we talk?"

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I really thought that right after she said "of course I love you I do" that she would jump into my arms. But no. She chose him over me. The tears are flowing harder now. I really want to run away. But I want to know if I heard her wrong.

"Artie?"

"I love him too."

"I don't want to hurt him. That's not right. I can't break up with him."

Oh but you don't mind hurting me?

"Yes you can! He's just a stupid boy!"

"But it wouldn't be right."

I cant even hear her right now. The last thing I heard was "Proudly so." I try to think of a remark that would express how I feel. I'm not even sure if I said it. Next thing I know is Brittany's trying to hug me. That's the last thing I want right now. She's pitying me! I push her off. I can't look at her anymore. All I see is her feeling sorry for me. I turn around to leave. I can hardly see anything through my flowing tears. I've never felt this way. It hurts. In fact I need to vomit. I run to the nearest bathroom. I know people are staring at me. I don't blame them. No one has ever seen this side of me. When I'm done emptying my already empty stomach I see Quinn in the bathroom. "Leave!" she tells the other girls. I turn to look at her once we're alone. I'm sure she can see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"Santana. Are you...ok?"

"What does it matter? You stopped caring. Along with everyone else." my own voice surprising me. I sound so hoarse.

"Santana what happened?" she said in a firm voice which means business.

I'm not sure why I feel like I need to answer Quinn, but I will. "I let my wall down. For once I let it down. See where it got me? Fucking nowhere...Screw this I'm outta here." I leave before Quinn could respond.

I'm trying to wipe my eyes off as I'm rushing out of school, but I'm sure the whole school knows by now that I was seen crying and vomiting in the bathroom. I reach my car in record time. I put my hands in my jacket pocket to find my keys. Then I remember the letter. It's gone! I'm starting to panic. I get in my car to check my binder. It's not there either! I must have dropped it inside the school! Too late now. I drop my head on the steering wheel and cry. It's like I can't stop. Why is everything in my life so wrong? I have never felt so alone in my entire life. Brittany chose Artie over me. The whole Glee club fucking hates me. The whole school fears me. My parents don't even know me. I lift my head up and attempt to wipe my non stop flowing tears. I start my car and speed out the parking lot.

I'm not sure how I make it home alive. I don't remember walking upstairs to my room, but here I am. Laying on my bed laughing at myself. How could have I be so stupid? Thinking that Brittany would actually want to be with me. Ha yeah right Santana. She deserves to live a normal live with her cripple boyfriend. She shouldn't be afraid to walk hand in hand down the street with her partner. I realize that she is better off with him. I can give her nothing. I'm broken.


	3. Chapter 3 Reminders

**No Turning Back**

Chapter 3 Reminders

Soundtracks: Sia- I Go To Sleep

**Evan Taubenfeld- Best Years Of Our Lives**

I open my burning aching eyes. I don't remember falling asleep. I walk over to my bathroom to put eye drops in. Then I'm reminded why I was crying. It floods back into my brain. I try to hold in my cry but I just end up choking on it.

"Santana is that you?" my mom yells from down stairs.

I am in no condition to answer her. I put my hand over my mouth to try to silence the crying that seems to be non stop. I turn to the bathroom mirror to take in my appearance. My whole face is a bit swollen, especially my eyes. Just seeing myself like that makes me want to cry even harder. Once I get my breathing and crying under control. I reply to my mom

"Yea mom. I'm up here." My voice sounds so cracked and raspy, I doubt my mom will think its me.

I hear footsteps padding up the stairs until they reach me. My mom gasps at the sight.

"Oh mija. Are you ok? What happened?"

I just look into her eyes before it happens again. I dive into her arms letting go once more. The tears are streaming down my face onto her shirt. But she just tightens her grip.

"Tell me what's wrong sweetie. Please honey let me in." my mom begs.

What am I supposed to tell her? Mom I got rejected by my best friend because she would rather date the biggest dick headed geek. Oh and by the way I'm gay. No way, I can't tell her.

"I can't mom. I can't. You wouldn't understand." I sob out.

To my surprise my mom doesn't ask again. She just rubs her hands up and down my back.

"One day sweetie?"

"Yea, one day mom."

After a cold shower I go snuggle up in my bed. I lay my head on my pillow to try to sleep this aching numbness away that filters through my body. But as I do I smell you. Your scent is all over my bed. The sweet smell of fruit from your shampoo. The smell of your body lotion, the smell of just...you. It's almost refreshing but then I remember that you don't love me the same way I love you. I'm nothing but second choice. It just reminds me that I can't have you. You don't want me. As quickly as I can I take off my bed sheets and go put them in the washer. I sniff the spare bed sheets just to be sure they don't smell like you, they don't. I hear my iphone buzz from my nightstand. I pick it up and see a text from you.

Brittany: Hey, can we talk?

I don't respond. Instead I lay my head back down on my pillow. What more can she have to say to me? I can't take even more rejection or pity. I hear my phone buzz again.

Brittany: I found your letter. Please talk to me San! Can I come over?

Oh great! She found my letter. Now I wish I didn't write that stupid fucking letter! I sound so confident in it. I practically wrote about our whole future I saw for us. I cringe at the thought. Instead of Brittany and I , I see Brittany and Artie. I see his rough hands in her delicate ones. I see his hard lips on her soft ones. Seeing those images sets off a fresh round of tears. I squeeze my eyes shut and curl up into a ball.

I soon realize that I'm not getting those brutal images out of my head. I need a distraction, and I need it soon. I spot my ear phones. Quickly I plug them into my iPhone. I put my music on shuffle and hope this distraction works.

I was obviously expecting too much. Luck has never been on my side. Today just proves that. The song by the Killers comes on. These lyrics are too relatable for me. I quickly turn off my music and think of something else. Sleeping pills.

I go through my bathroom cabinet searching for them. I find the bottle. I pop two in my mouth before heading back to my bed. Sleeping is my only escape. The only way I can temporarily forget about this. To forget that I lost my best friend, the girl I love.

It's been 3 days since I last talked to Brittany. I've avoided school and her text messages and calls. But it's Friday and my parents are making me go back to school today. I can't lie to myself, I do miss my best friend. (Can I even call her that any more?) But at the same time I don't even want to see her. I fear that just seeing her I will break down in front of her. But no, never again will I let down my walls. My sadness has turned to anger. I haven't cried in two hours. Thats actually a record so far.

I skip breakfast again. Like I have been doing with every meal for the past 4 days. I can't bring myself to eat anything. My parents tried to force me to eat diner last night, I lied and said I would, but I couldn't do it. Everything I do or see reminds me of you. Even food.

When I arrive at school I don't see Brittany. I actually manage to avoid her all day. (That's a bonus of knowing every class and every hallway Britt uses.) Except last period, Glee club. I rush to the music room. Hoping that I can beat the crowd there so I don't awkwardly have to find an empty seat, chancing sitting next to Britt or Artie. I had to stop running for a moment, my vision was beginning to blur. I shook my head blinked a couple times to see straight again. I finally get there to see only Mercedes there, thank god. I go sit in the top right corner next to Mercedes.

"Hey girl! Where have you been? Rachel is going crazy about you. Saying how you're going to be out of practice for nationals." Mercedes says rather loudly.

"Oh well you know her. She's dramatic. And I'm not out of practice, I was just sick." I try to say in a confident voice but fail completely.

"Are you sure you're ok Santana? How's your singing voice? Is it damaged?" Mercedes asks cautiously.

Of course this Glee club only cares about me when it comes to nationals. I'm getting frustrated and I really don't want to snap but I can't help it.

"God I'm fine ok! Worry about yourself wheezy!" I snapp harshly.

Before she could respond Rachel comes in.

"Santana! Thank god you're here! We almost thought we lost you. We were going to be one back up singer short. We can't have that can we?"

She says in her usual cheery tone.

I knew it. Proof that people who worry about me are not actually concerned. They're concerned about stupid fucking nationals.

I hold my tongue. I just end up giving her my death glare, which means I don't want to talk. I knew if I were to say anything to Rachel, I would end up punching her.

Eventually everyone gets here. When Britt comes in wheeling Artie I look away. The need to cry immediately bubbles up my throat and to my eyes, but I need to be strong. I swallow the burning lump in my throat and try to distract myself with class. I can feel her staring at me the whole time. Trying to get my attention, but I just look straight ahead. I try to listen to but I'm just too lost in my head. I soon begin to feel very lightheaded and dizzy. I stand up to go get some water but suddenly I can't feel my feet. All I see is black. I feel myself falling, but I can't move to prevent it.


	4. Chapter 4 Unexpected

No Turning Back

Chapter 4 Unexpected

Soundtrack: Paolo Nutini- Rewind

"Santana? Can you hear me?"

"Oh my god is she dead?"

I open my eyes and immediately wish I was. Brittany and my Dad are sitting by me in the nurse bed. How did I get here?

"Santana!" Brittany practically screams and hugs my body. I don't hug her back. I'm sure she can feel me stiffen under her embrace.

I let her hug me anyways. When she pulls away. I don't meet her eyes, I don't want her here. Her seeing me like this makes me feel even more powerless that I already am. I look at my father instead. His are eyes deep with concern. He has worried forehead wrinkles.

"Santana. Do you know why you fainted?"

Ohh that's right. That's why I'm here. I don't remember being taken here but I do remember falling and blacking out.

"I think I have an idea..." I say and look down.

"I trusted you when you said that you would eat. Is that the reason? How long has it been Santana?"

I keep staring at my hands. I'm so embarrassed right now. Especially with Brittany here. After all she's the reason I can't eat.

"Yes...that's probably the reason. Four days." I say quietly.

"Santana!" they both say at the same time.

I turn to Brittany and see a hurt expression. But no, she doesn't deserve to be hurt. She shouldn't have that right. I open my mouth to say her name but I'm having difficultly forming it. Like it's a foreign name to me.

"B-Brittany. Leave. Now." I somehow struggle out.

She's looking at me like she doesn't believe me.

"San no! I'm not leaving you!" she says firmly.

"You already have. So just go. Now!" I shout back. I've never yelled at Brittany like this. It was harder to do than I thought.

I can feel tears threatening to spill out but I tilt my head back and try to keep them back. I turn my head away from her and hear her whimper. But I can't look back. When she's gone I face my dad.

"Mija We can talk about that later. Right now focus on standing. Can you do that?" my dad says gently.

I put my feet on the edge of the bed and lift my head up. As quickly as I can I put my head back down on the pillow. A sharp pain goes straight to my head, I let out a painful whimper.

"Oh dear. You must have hit pretty hard. I'm talking you with me back to the hospital. I should check you out myself."

After my dad checked me out he recommended that I take a couple days off from school next week to heal my huge bruising head. Of course I strongly agreed. A couple days off from facing Brittany once again was exactly what I needed.

Today was now Saturday. I've already cried three times today. But I think my tears might be running out. Today I woke up for the first time not feeling as numb as I usually am. I was by no means happy or excited to be me. But it's a start. A start to moving on. But is that what I want to do...? Do I want to move on from Brittany? Is she out of my life completely? Before these thoughts could completely take over my mind, I get a text message. It's most likely from Brittany but I check it anyways. It's from...Kurt. Since when does he have my number? I open the message.

Unknown Number: Hey Santana. It's Kurt. Would you care to join me for lunch and coffee?

This is a perfect opportunity for a distraction. I quickly reply where and when. And I'm set. I decide to dress semi casual. Dark skinny jeans, tan Toms shoes, and a light denim button up shirt. I put on light make up and attempt to hide my dark bruise on my fore head, but it's still very noticeable. I let my hair down so it's wavy. I look awesome... But there's one problem. My dad took my car keys. He went all doctor talk on me saying I shouldn't be driving because I've recently fallen. But I'm fine. I just can't stand up too quickly or walk for long periods of time, but I can drive perfectly fine. I hope. There's no way in hell I would wreck my precious car. It means too much to me.

After looking through my whole entire three story house I came up empty. Fuck! He must have taken my car keys with him. It's times like this when it majorly sucks not having access to my fathers separate garage full of his fancy cars that he collects. I contemplate calling my mom or my dad from work to ask for a ride but ultimately decide against it. I don't want to look like a loser getting dropped off by either one of my parents. I guess I'll just call Kurt to ask for a ride.

"Hello?"

" It's Santana. Can you come pick me up...please? I'm...um grounded from my car."

" Yea sure. What's your address?

I tell him my address. But about eighteen minutes later he's calling me again.

"Problem Hummel?"

"Umm yea actually. I think you gave me the wrong address. Cause this is the biggest house I've ever seen in all of Ohio! Actually big seems more of an understatement. I didn't even know there are neighborhoods like this is Lima!"

While he's babbling on about my house I'm walking towards his car. He seems a bit shocked at first to see me. I guess I don't blame him. I always do say I'm from Lima Heights. When he finally gets over his shock he unlocks the door to his Toyota.

I just smile at him once I'm in. It's rather amusing to see his face in such confusion.

" I always thought that you lived in Lima Heights?...But you're like richer than Brad Pitt! How?" Kurt says in a higher excited tone.

"Well you thought wrong Hummel. And I'm not richer than Brad Pitt. That's crazy. I just got lucky being born into a wealthy family. And my dads a doctor soo..." I say with a teasing tone.

Wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible I say "So what is all of this about? This little coffee meet up?"

"I guess you'll just have to see" he says with a teasing smirk and speeds out of my long drive way.

Once we're sitting down with our lunch and coffee's and we're past the small talk, Kurt gives me a hesitant smile before he begins to speak.

"So...Santana. You do know that gay people usually come with gaydar right?"

I'm confused. What is he getting at? I hope it's not what I think it is.

"Umm sure Kurt. Why do you ask?" I say hesitantly.

"Well the other day when you asked me if Blaine was worth it...I put the pieces together. And do you know what I realized Santana?"

My breathing is rushing. I gulp. How could he figure that out just from a question? I'm sure he can see me panicking but I try to sound confident anyways.

"And what is that Kurt?"

"You're living a lie Santana! I've seen the way you've looked at Brittany but I always assumed that it was because you guys are close. But I never realized how close."

I look away from his stare. I take a sip of my coffee before returning to his gaze. I'm gathering up the courage to speak but he interrupts my thoughts.

"Why haven't you told her? Santana you just can't keep these things in. She looks at you the same way! She loves you too! You should tell her before it's too late! I know she would dump Artie for you. Their relationship is pretty much one sided. Santana you-"

I cut him off with my breaking voice. "I did tell her Kurt! And guess what? She didn't choose me. How do you think I feel here? Everybody making me out to be the bad guy! I tried Kurt. I really did."

The tears are flowing hard now. I don't even mind if somebody walks in this empty cafe. But I do mind that he brought me here to tell me this.

" I came here for a distraction. For a chance to have a friend like you Kurt. But you just opened up a fresh wound...It's not your fault though. You didn't know."

I put my hands on my face to cover up my crying. I hear Kurt get up out of his chair. I assume he's leaving. I don't blame him. I'm just a mess. Who would want to be around me? But then I hear him saying.

"Can I?"

I take my hands off of my face and look up at him. He has his hands outstretched for a hug. I nod and he takes me up into his arms. I've never hugged Kurt before, but it's a nice feeling.

After a moment of hugging him he speaks up and says. "Wow. I've actually never hugged you before. Haha it's not so bad. I expected you to decline my offer. Oddly enough it's actually nice..."

For the first time in a while I laugh. It's not a deep laugh or a rich laugh full of fun. But it's a laugh, a real laugh.

I smile into Kurt's vest.

"Same here. You're not what I expected either."


	5. Chapter 5 Let Me In

**No Turning Back**

Chapter 5: Let Me In

Soundtrack: Taylor Swift- The Best Day

"Then she said I'm yours, proudly so. But I left. I couldn't have her look at me like that. Ya know?"

"Oh wow. You're braver than I thought. I could never open up like that to Blaine." Kurt replied.

It's been two days since the cafe conversation. And honestly these two days have been amazing. I've never really had anyone to talk about Brittany with. I could have talked to Quinn about this but we're not really friends at the moment. Even when we were close I didn't have any problems with Brittany back then to tell. So here I am, in Kurt's living room spilling my most private moment to him. I've realized he's a great listener, and a very very persuasive person. He's only been asking to hear my story for a day and here I am telling him. But even though it's only been a couple days oddly enough I trust him.

"I didn't think I had it in me. But somehow it just all split out. And I'm for sure you could do this Kurt. You're braver than me."

"I'm not actually." Kurt replied sadly.

I took him by the hands and made him look in my eyes. I can't believe him.

"Are you crazy Kurt? You came out of the closet! That takes a ton of bravery. Me? I'm still hiding in the closet secretly telling my best friend I love her."

I noticed a big smile crept onto him lips. I smiled in return.

"Haha I guess you are kind of a pussy." Kurt giggled out.

I'm laughing so hard it's beginning to hurt. I've never heard him speak that way! I lightly slapped him upside his head.

"Kurt Hummel! You should be ashamed!" I playfully scolded.

After a couple minutes the laughing slowly died down. Kurt looked at me, his eyes now a more serious shade of blue.

"So...do you still love her?" he asked timidly.

"Yes." I replied honestly.

* * *

"Are you ever going to let me inside your house? Please please please?" Kurt asked with an eager smile.

I hate people knowing that I live here. I just tell people that I'm from Lima heights because it makes them scared of me. If people knew I'm rich they would pass me off as some bimbo that isn't tough. But Kurt already knows. So why the hell not?

"Ugh fine. But don't steal anything!"

I joke.

"Really? Awesome! And I don't steal!" Kurt says excitedly.

"Follow me loser."

We've been inside for 2 minutes and Kurt hasn't shut his mouth once.

"You're gonna catch a fly soon if you don't close your mouth."

"I...just...wow. Why have I never been here before? The decor is like a gay mans dream. Everything is."

"Haha I'll let my mom know you think so highly of it."

I finally get Kurt away from trying to explore my house. We come to the hall with my room.

"Owee let me guess which room is yours!" Kurt says with enthusiasm.

After five rooms he still hasn't said any of these are my room.

"This has to be yours. It's so...dark. And just so...you." Kurt says.

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

"Of course. I love it!" Kurt replies.

After ten minutes of him speculating everything in my room he finally comes across of large dvd collection.

"Holy bananas! You have more movies than Netflix! This is going to be fun!"

I let Kurt pick the movie since he seems so thrilled about it. I can tell he's purposely avoiding any of the romance movies.

"Owe how about Donnie Darko?"

I agree and soon we're half way through the movie. My phone starts to ring and I look down to see Brittany calling. Kurt sees it too because he's giving me questioning eyes.

"Are you going to answer?" he asks.

"No. I'm not." I reply dryly and return my gaze back to the tv.

"What if it's important?" he asks.

"That's what 911 is for." I reply harshly.

I can tell Kurt is taken back by my sudden attitude but I can't help it.

I'm about to apologize but the sound of the doorbell interrupts me. I pause the movie and tell Kurt I'll be back soon. As I'm waking down the stairs I hear the doorbell again. I look at my phone to check the time, its 8:36 pm. Who could it be at this time of night? It can't be my parents, they left for the lake house to celebrate their anniversary.

Before I get to the door I stop at a mirror to check my appearance. Once I'm satisfied I open the door. Brittany is standing on my porch...crying. I'm contemplating if I should shut the door or ask her what's wrong. But she hasn't turned around yet.

Before I could choose an option she turns around and says through her tears "I need your help."**  
**

* * *

**Thanks for reviewing Hausofgaga13. I agree, I was tired of reading fics where Santana forgave Brittany so quickly. It was a little unrealistic. **


	6. Chapter 6 Lost

No Turning Back

Chapter 6: Lost

Soundtrack: Third Eye Blind- How's It Gonna Be?

"Why don't you just ask Artie?" I reply with an irritated tone. I am upset. Out of all the times she could have visited me she comes for this.

"I already asked him. He's visiting his grandma."

I was secretly hoping she came to me first but of course Artie was first. Im second choice, once again. Ugh why am I always in this situation?

"Why should I help you?"

"Santana..." she reply's with sad eyes. I have to look away. I hate seeing her cry.

"Brittany I need a good reason. Cause right now I'm feeling like your last resort. Like always." I mumble the last part to myself.

"Because Lord Tubbington loves you. And he gets super scared when he's alone... And you should never feel like second choice San."

"I already do." I softly say under my breath.

"What?"

"I'll help you ok? But only for his sake."

She looks at me with the smile that I love so much. I almost smile back but I hold it in.

"Yay! Thanks San!" she says bubbly.

I see her coming towards me for a hug but I move away.

"Umm I'll go get my keys..." I say awkwardly.

"Can I come in?"

"No...just wait here. I have company."

She looks a bit shocked to hear that. She knows I didn't have many friends beside her. But she kind of looks jealous...I sort of like seeing her jealous.

"Who?" she asks eagerly.

I open the door and go back inside without answering her. I fall back against the door and close my eyes and let out a breath. I need to think this through better.

I'm going with Brittany to go search for Lord Tubbs. We're going to be spending time together. It's just going to be her and I...alone.

I straighten myself up and walk towards my room. Kurt is waiting patiently on my bed where I left him. I sit in my chair and begin to put on my shoes.

"So who was at the door?" he asks

"It was...Brittany." I reply

"Brittany? What...did she want?" he asks curiously.

"She wants me to help her look for her cat."

"And you agreed?" he says in a shocked tone.

"Kind of..." I reply timidly. I look down at my shoes because I can't look at him. He looks ashamed.

"Well either you did or you didn't!"

"Ok! I did. But I'm not doing this for her I'm doing it for Lord Tubbs!" I reply with attitude.

"Ugh Santana don't you see? SHE invited you."

"Relax Kurt, I'm not going to forgive her! I just...I just miss her ok. Oddly enough I miss the girl who broke my heart. Are you happy now?"

He stand up and gathers his things. I can't tell if he's mad or not, he won't look at me. But next thing I know he's coming towards me for a hug.

"Just...don't give in Santana. Ok?"

I nods into his shoulder.

I walk Kurt to the door and say our goodbyes. He looks a bit hesitant to open the door and be greated by Brittany. But I walk away before I could hear their conversation.

Once I find my keys (Which I found in my dads work coat) I'm out the door. Brittany is sitting on a bench. She stands when she sees me.

"Ready?" she asks.

"Yea."

I look for her car in my drive way but I don't see it.

"Brittany did you walk here?" I say in a shocked tone.

"Yea I figured I I walked here I could search for L.T at the same time.

I stare at her with shock for a moment. She lives way across town! I soon look away and walk to my car with her following me

* * *

We're half way to Brittany's house and so far it's really uncomfortable. It's too quiet so I decide to turn the radio on.

"Owe I love this song!" Brittany says and starts humming along.

"Remember what we were doing when we heard this last summer?" she says with a smile.

I do remember. I remember clearly, but I don't answer her, I stare at the road ahead.

I guess she has taken the hint that I'm not going to answer.

"We were camping at the lake. Remember now?"

* * *

FLASHBACK

"My toes are freezing Britt. Come closer!"

We were cuddled inside a tent at lake Travis. It's something Britt's parents loved doing and Brittany practically begged me to go with them.

It's after midnight and everyone else is asleep. We've been talking and making out for a couple hours now. I was trying to sleep but it's so cold.

She came closer to me and wrapped her arms around me from behind me. I sighed in to her touch. It's so familiar and comforting.

I could feel myself about to fall asleep but suddenly an owl hooted.

I jumped; Brittany felt me stiffin under her touch.

"What's wrong?" she asked me. Her voice sounding a bit hoarse from sleeping.

"Do you hear that?" I ask

She listened for a while. "The owl?"

"Yes!"

"Is Sanny scared? She asked teasingly.

"No...I just don't like the noise it makes..."

"I'll play some music for you. Ok?"

I noded in return. I felt her loosen her grip on me and reach for her phone. A soft tune filled the air. I smiled in return.

"Better?" she asked

"Almost."

"What are you missing Queen Santana?" she asked teasingly.

"You."

I reached for her shirt and pulled her close. Our lips molded together for a chaste kiss. After a few minutes it became more lusted. I was now straddling her hips holding her face in my hands. I began grinding down on her, she moaned into my mouth. She withdrew from our kiss. I looked at her a bit confused.

"San! My parents are like twenty feet away!"

I ignored her comment and began sucking on her neck.

"San." she said with a breathy voice, almost a moan.

I pulled away and looked her in the eyes. She is right. Her parents are so close. They could have easily heard us.

"Ok fine! But you owe me one!" I said as I climbed off of her.

"Gladly" she said with a huge smile.

We were back to our cuddle position. She was stroking my hair while staring at me.

"You're beautiful San." she said quietly.

I turned around to face her

"Thank you." I said shyly. I'm glad it was dark so she couldn't see me blushing. She was being so sweet. I stroked her face. I suddenly had the urge to tell her I'm in love with her. I swallowed my breath. I can't be in love with her...could I?

We cuddled all night. It wasn't anything new for us but for some reason it just seemed more meaningful.

END FLASHBACK

* * *

"No." I lied

I felt bad for saying that I didn't remember. So I look at her, I give her a look that says that I actually do remember. I hope she can tell what I'm trying to show her.

I quickly changed the radio station. I could tell she was upset I lied.

She put her warm hand on my exposed leg. It's such a familiar gesture but it just seems wrong now. I jerk my leg away from her touch. She seems shocked, but before she could say anything we pulled into her drive way.

"We're here. Now where did you see him last?" I ask in a serious tone.

* * *

Thanks for all of the reviews,follows, & favorites! I get super happy when I see them! A big thanks to you guys! Feel free to follow my tumblr .com if you have any questions or just want a brittana blog to follow :p

CarrionRogue Thank you! Haha and no Brittany will not be getting pregnant!

Peaceagent15 I think they're cute too! :D And no worries. Santana won't be kneeling to Brittany any time soon.

hausofgaga13 I don't plan to make Santana give into her so soon. I personally hate when other fics do that.

Sephiroth owns u all Thank you! :) I will continue.

britt-britt (Guest) Thank you! And you just have to wait and see about the new girl. But there will definitely be some jealous Brittany in this story! Hardly any stories have a jealous Britt so I thought I'd try it out. :D


	7. Chapter 7 Didn't See That Coming

No Turning Back

Chapter 7: Didn't See That Coming

Soundtrack: Vertical Horizon- Everything You Want

We walked into Brittany's house after hours of searching for Lord Tubbington. She actually hasn't said much to me like I expected her to.

"Um sorry we can't find him Brittany. Maybe we should put up posters of him around town..?" I tell a sniffling Brittany.

Before she could respond a meow came from the laundry room. She quickly ran to the noise with me following. When we arrived there was L.T ,just sitting on his fat ass in a laundry basket. Unbelievable.

"L.T you've been here the whole time?" she asked loudly while hugging him tightly. But something seems off...

I look down at my feet and laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Brittany...you said you checked every room."

"I-I must have missed a f-few." she says quietly. But I can tell she's lying. She stutters when she's lying or when she's nervous.

"Did you really loose him? Or...what's going on here?" I ask.

"Well yea...no. San the truth is..." she put the cat down and stepped closer and put her hands in mine and stared into my eyes. "I miss you."

I could feel myself tearing up. I held them in but one escaped. She reached up and wiped it away.

Suddenly she's leaning in for a kiss. It's so long time since we've last kissed. I almost lean into her but I stop her millimeters away from my lips.

I close my eyes and push her away. I can't look at her face.

"San what's wrong?" she asks with a desperate voice.

I open my eyes and look at her.

"Britt, you don't miss me." I say truthfully.

"Of course I do San! How can you say that?" she asks shockingly.

"Brittany. You miss this. You miss making out...and other things. You don't miss me like I miss you." I say softly. I'm surprised I'm being so honest with her lately.

I take her hands in mine and make eye contact.

"You need to realize that you can't have both of us. I asked you to make a choice, and you picked...him. I realize it was selfish of me..but I couldn't stand seeing him with you any longer. I know you and I are not used to this, but we can't do this to him anymore. Or to me! We can't fall back into this routine. It hurts too much knowing that at the end of the day he gets you." I say through my tears.

She's looking at me she just saw a ghost. I see her trying to form words with her lips. I wait patiently for her to respond.

"B-But San." she stutters out.

I wait long moments for her to respond but its been at least two minutes. Doesn't she have anything to say? I guess not. She lets go of my hands and turns around.

I turn around and walk away. I walk to her front door and listen for footsteps following me, but all I hear is silence.

* * *

I know I'm going way over the speed limit but I can't help it, I'm so angry. Why didn't she say anything? I gave her a whole speech and she can't respond? Ugh!

I slow down when I arrive on my street. I notice a huge moving truck is pulling into my neighbors empty house. I see a glimpse of beautiful blonde hair in the passenger side. Once it's out of my way I speed off into my drive way.

The curiosity is getting to me. New neighbors. Where are they from? What do they look like? I quickly park my car and run over to the tall brick wall separating the yards.

I pull myself up and look for them. I spot a man with blonde hair getting out of the drivers seat. Where's the blonde girl? Following him is a teenage boy with longish blonde hair. I let out a sigh, for a moment I thought I would be having a hott neighbor. The neighbors that lived there before were really old and boring.

Before I let go of the wall I see a teenage girl with blonde hair come from behind the moving truck. My eyes visibly widen. She's breathtakingly beautiful.

I feel my grip loosen before I'm falling down into a thorny rose garden near by.

"Fuck!" I scream out.

I lift my self out of the thorns and move to lay on the soft grass. I lay my head back and curse myself for choosing to spy near thorns! Why am I so stupid?

Before I could begin plucking the thorns out of my arm and legs I hear footsteps approaching from behind.

"Are you ok?" a beautiful foreign voice calls out.

I turn around and see my new gorgeous neighbor running towards me.

* * *

Sorry for not updating soon! I was in Las Vegas! I was actually there to find Avril Lavigne but no luck. I searched for 3 days! But I did end up meeting her best friends which was amazing! Anyways thanks for the reviews, and follows! They really keep me motivated! Sorry for the short chapter! I'll work on writing longer ones. Im ecstatic everyone likes the Kurtana friendship! I would love more feed back from you guys! Tell me what you like, what you don't. Ideas? Do you guys listen to the music? l would love to know!

Val - Exactly! I'm glad we agree! I was hoping the readers would think that too! And I was already planning for her to help Kurt with Blaine. Im thrilled you think it's realistic! Thanks for the reviews! :D

GLEELOVER - Thank you! I will update whenever I'm free :)

t - Well she's here :)

britt-britt - I can't wait for jealous Britt too! Thanks for reviewing!


	8. Chapter 8 Greeting Plan

No Turning Back

Chapter 8: Greeting Plan

Soundtrack: Ben Howard - Call Me Maybe

(I can't stand the original song, but this guy really transforms it into something completely different. Give it a try.)

Anyways I'm super sorry for the late update. I recently started school again :( So that will be very time consuming. Along with Glee taking up my time. (Who's looking forward to the Brittany episode? I know I am!) But I'm free weekends, so be expecting updates then :)

IMPORTANT:

For the new character I picture her as Amber Heard (Look her up if you're not familiar with her. She's gorgeous.) You don't have to in envision her as Amber Heard but I highly suggest it. It really helps.

Sorry if the updates still seem short. Keep in mind that I'm doing ALL of this on an iPhone. So to me it seems like I'm writing a ton. I'll stop talking now. Enjoy the update.

* * *

I try to form words but my mind is in over drive. My new neighbor is gorgeous...and she's talking to me?

I make eye contact with her and finally take it all in. She's a bit taller than me, has golden blonde hair, runners body, medium boobs, and that tan, wow. She's sporting cut off jean shorts, a green button up shirt with a Ramones shirt peaking out, topped off with grey vans.

I realize I'm just laying on the ground staring at her when she clearly asked me a question. I must look crazy.

"I-I...bush...fell" I mentally slap myself for that. Real smooth Lopez! She looks at me puzzled, as if I was speaking a different language. I don't blame her, I practically was.

I forcefully regain some confidence somehow and start over. I look back up at her and smile.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong. I fell into a thorny rose bush. While I was...um..gardening. Yeah, gardening." I say with caution.

"Oh dear, are you alright?" She says with concern.

I just now realize she has an accent. An Australian accent maybe?

I stand up with a grunt and face her. I try not to cringe with all of the thorns still in my arms and legs.

"I'm fine. Thanks. Just need to get these out of my arm." I reply. I see her glance at my arm with pity.

"Are-"

"You-"

We start at the same time.

"Sorry, you first" I say with a giggle.

"No you" she says with a smile. Could she be flirting? No, no way. She's most likely straight. But then again- Ugh focus Santana! You can do this.

"Thanks for coming over here to see if I'm alright. So, where are you from?"

"I'm from Australia. My dad got a job transfer here."

She has an accent. She's beautiful. She's nice. And she's my new neighbor? I need to get to know her!

"That's awesome! So we're neighbors now. Welcome to Ohio, the most boring place in the world." I say in a flirty tone. I almost feel guilty for flirting, but she's so...new and exciting. I can't help myself.

"Haha it's not that bad. I kinda like it here. Although I will miss the ocean.

This place does have charm though." she says with a wink.

Ignore the wink and actually respond. It means nothing.

" Yeah? I'm Santana by the way" I say an hold out my hand for her to shake. She takes my hand a shakes back.

"I'm Ella. "

"Well hello Ella." I say with a giant smile in my face. God I sound so stupid.

" Are you going to be going to high school at McKinley High?" I ask

She looks down for a moment before looking at me with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"No, actually I'm home schooled now." she says in a shy manner.

Before I could respond I get interrupted.

"Ella? Get back over here. " I hear a voice from over the fence call. I'm assuming it's her father.

"Um well that's my dad. It was awesome meeting you Santana. Maybe we could hang out sometime? I could really use a friend...I hope I don't sound too forward." she explains.

Without hesitation I agree.

We trade phone numbers quickly because her dad is most likely getting impatient.

I put my phone back in my pocket and look up at her shyly.

"Well, see you later Ella." I end with a smile.

"Bye Santana"

Oh god, the way she speaks my name. I can feel myself begin to blush so I quickly turn around and head back towards my house.

I smile as I open the door. I smile as I'm pulling out the thorns. I even smile when I plop down on my bed . For once another blonde is on my mind. I must tell Kurt about this.

* * *

"Oh my god! This is wonderful!" Kurt says while jumping up and down in joy. But it seems forced. Something's off.

"I know. Could you imagine if she was actually gay?" I asked with a smile.

Kurt & I were currently sitting on my couch in my room. I had invited him over so I could spill the news of my hott new neighbor.

"Just...don't expect much with her. It's easiest to assume people are straight until proven otherwise. And besides are you fully ready to date her? A woman? A woman who is not...Brittany." Kurt stated sadly.

"Okay first of all I will answer your questions in a minute, but right now I need you to tell me why you suddenly sound so sad about straight people." I ask in a tone that means strictly business.

Kurt looks down and when he looks back up to my eyes I can see tears forming. I grab him and pull him into a hug. I stroke his hair in a soothing manner to attempt to calm him.

"Kurt please talk to me." I ask.

I hear him sniffle and clear his throat before he speaks into my shoulder.

"Why can we never get what we want San?" he asks in the saddest voice I've heard him speak. It breaks my heart to hear him like this. What could have caused this?

I grab his face and force eye contact.

"Kurt Hummel. Did someone hurt you?" I ask in my serious tone.

"Not physically."

"Hun please explain." I beg

"It's Blaine, he...he thinks he's straight. Now I'll never have a chance."

I bring him back into a comforting hug before I speak.

"Oh Kurt. I'm so sorry...Damn our wishful realtionships, always ruining our happiness." I attempt to lighten the mood but he didn't even giggle. So I try a different approach.

"I have a spectacular idea."

* * *

"That's a horrible idea Santana!"

"Are you kidding me? It's perfect!"

"You're not even over Brittany. There's no way you're ready for a relationship. And I'm not even sure...if ..."

"Kurt, I'm gonna stop you right there. Because I know what I want and so do you. I'm ready to get over Brittany...as well as I can...maybe. And I know for a fact Blaine is gay. He's almost as gay as you. This plan is genius Kurt. Please consider."

I can tell he is in deep thought, so I patiently await until he gives me an answer.

"Fine. But I'm picking out your outfit this weekend!" he huffs out in defeat.

* * *

"Let's have a warm welcome back for Santana. Hope you're feeling well enough for nationals" says with a fake smile.

When the applaud dies down, I smile and nod to him before taking my seat next to Kurt. I was actually looking forward to coming back to glee club. That was until I saw Brittany sitting in cripples lap when I walked in.

"Santana. As you may know we have been practicing all week without you so I think it would be a grand idea if we went and practiced together in the auditorium. You need to be caught up. Or else we're one person short for nationals. If we don't win that means I'll amount to nothing. I'll become-"

I cut her off. "Fine Berry. Calm down!" I snap back.

"Actually I don't feel comfortable with Rachel working with Santana." Finn randomly interjects with attitude.

What did he mean by that? He couldn't...could he? Did Brittany tell anyone? She wouldn't. Right?

"Finn, you couldn't feel comfortable even if you were laying on a cloud made up of your own baby fat. So why don't you mind you own business before I go all Lima Heights on your fat ass!" I yell at him.

"Don't push me Santana. I know more about you than you think." he growls back.

Before I could respond Mr. Schue interjects.

"Guys. Please stop. We need to be a team right now. Now let's rehearse."

* * *

Thank you readers for taking the time to review, follow, favorite. I really appreciate it. It keeps me motivated.

1name2goes3here4 - Thank you so much! I'm sorry for keeping you waiting. Jealous Brittany in the way ;)

hausofgaga13 - Thanks! I love their friendship too. Glee should have made them better friends on the show. Here's the blonde. I hope people give her a chance :)

Peaceagent15 - Haha! She does have a thing for blondes! And your predictions are right, there will be a jealous Brittany later. I hope I develop Ella's character right. I don't want to disappoint. Thank you for the kind words ;p

britt-britt -There is some competition here. I also can't wait for jealous Brittany.

Are you glad the new girl is not named Heather? Haha.

raelynne9 - Hope you mean that in a positive form.

t - I'm working in it :) Thanks

p - Thanks! I will =)

Thanks again for the reviews :D


	9. 1 Step Forward 3 Steps Back

No Turning Back

Chapter 9: 1 step forward 3 steps back

Soundtrack: Landon Pigg- Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop

"No no no no. Santana, add more emotion!" Rachel critics.

"And just how am I supposed to add emotion to the song when all I am doing is softly singing in the background to you and Finn?" I snap back.

This is absurd. I've been practicing all week with Berry and anything I do just isn't good enough for her. It's almost funny how she tries to act like she and Finn won't get the duets and solos. And to top it off Finn comes in every thirty minutes to check on Rachel. I know I'm a bitch, but I'm not just going to randomly beat the hobbit up. That is what that is about...right?

This week has been pretty horrible. Brittany is still madly in love with wheels. I've stopped staring at them for the most part, but I can still feel her eyes on me when I glance their direction. She's tried to talk make small talk with me but our conversation is usually cut short by my lack of coorporation. She still hasn't realized that I'm serious about my rules, no sex, or touches that are not appropriate.

Speaking of Brittany, she's waking towards me.

I look to Rachel, who I didn't even realize was talking to me.

"Berry. Stop talking." I say and begin my walk towards Brittany.

"San!" Brittany says with a worried voice.

I pick up my pace until I'm within speaking distance from her.

"Yes?" I reply quickly.

"Umm I need to talk to you. What are you doing this weekend?"

I debate if I should lie and say nothing, but I decide against it.

"I have plans with Kurt and a friend. Why do you ask?"

"A friend? What friend?"

"My new neighbor. And why do you seem so surprised that I have more than one friend?"

"W-Well it's just that, I used to be your only friend." She says quietly.

I ignore her comment and focus on the task at hand. "Why can't you just talk to me here?"

"It's really important San." She pouts.

"Ugh fine. But I'm not giving up my Saturday for this. How does Sunday sound?"

"Perfect. I'll be by around 6."

* * *

"Oww! Stop fucking stepping on me you clumsy whale!" I yell to Finn.

Rachel has me dancing with Finn to practice our dance routine. When he came to check on Berry she thought it would be a grand idea. All he's done is give me dirty looks and step on me with his horrible dance moves!

He steps away from me and puts on a constipated looking face. Maybe he's trying to look tough. I can't really tell.

"I'm not even fat Santana!" He says tight lipped.

"He's right. Santana. Stop with the fat jokes." Berry comments.

"Why are you constantly sticking up for him Berry? You're too good for him but all you do is throw your self at him." I argue back.

"Santana. You're just jealous because she loves me. Now I think you should stop practicing with my girlfriend!" Finn shouts.

"I'm not your girlfriend Finn! And I'm not sure if I'm even in love with you anymore." Rachel replies.

"Look what she's done to you Rachel! "

"Oh just you wait until Monday Santana! You've had it coming." Finn yells at us before he storms out like a baby.

I ignore his sad excuse for an insult and laugh a little.

"Are we done here Berry?"

"Yea. You actually did really well today. I think we're ready for nationals."

"Umm thanks Berry." I reply cautiously, mainly because I'm shocked she gave me a compliment.

* * *

"Kurt, we're just going to a cafe for lunch. I highly doubt my outfit needs to be that fancy." I tell Kurt who's currently yelling at me from my closet, freaking out over what we should wear to our lunch with Blaine and Ella.

"But we have to dress to impress. Especially you. When she sees you she has to forget every straight thought she's ever had. But you can't look too glamorous or Blaine will be distracted. Ugh, this better work Santana!" Kurt spills.

"Oh but you're wrong little Kurtie. Since Blaine seems a bit confused then you should be the one dressing up. Hopefully Ella will pick up on the gayness between you two and then I'll see if she even supports gays before I could even think of crushing on her. This will work Kurt. Calm down!"

"Santana Lopez, I have one final question." Kurt replies while walking with a smile to my bed with a pile of clothes.

"And what is that?" I reply.

"How the hell are you so convincing?"

"It's a gift." I reply with a big smile on my face.

* * *

After two long hours we finally decided on our outfits. I'm wearing an

Amy Winehouse t- shirt with a denim jacket over, along with skinny jeans. Topped off with my black boots that Kurt said were a must.

Kurt is sporting a light blue vest of some sort along with his pants that "make his ass look fabulous".

Once we're ready we text Blaine and Ella that we're on our way. I know it makes more sense for me to take Ella since we're neighbors, but it seems more formal this way.

When we arrive they're already there. Sitting in a corner booth where they won't notice us. I take this opportunity to show her off to Kurt.

"Holy hell. I'm gay but she is...wow."

"I know right! Keep your paws off." I joke with Kurt.

"You ready San?" He says in a more serious tone.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

"So Santana, we've heard about Kurt, Blaine, and myself. Tell me more about you." Ella says in her cute little accent.

I almost don't reply because I'm still memorized by the way she says my name, luckily Kurt nudges me underneath the table.

"Umm...well I don't know where to begin." I mumble.

"May I guess?" Ella asks timidly.

I'm a bit surprised but I agree. I'm curious to see what her impression is of me.

She takes a long hard look at me. I'm actually beginning to feel uncomfortable with all the staring.

"Well Santana. I'd say you're popular, you're obliviously rich considering where we live. Umm you most likely date the popular jock. You also have a love for music. I noticed the Amy shirt. You're beautiful on the inside and as well on the outside. From what I can tell. " she says with that damn wink that makes me blush on spot.

"So how did I do?" She asks.

"Well that's for you to find out." I reply.

"Kurt, can you tell me? She's being so secretive." She asks through a giggle.

"No can do blondie." Kurt says.

"Blaine?"

"Nope. Sorry."

"Like I said before, you'll have to wait." I reply in a my best flirtatious voice.

"I've learned one thing from you, you're very secretive. But about what exactly?"

I don't reply, but instead begin to finish my untouched sandwich. This lunch has been interesting to say the least. I found out that she is not homophobic or else she would have left as soon as Kurt and Blaine began flirting. (Finally some progress with them!) She even complimented on what a cute couple they'd be. She mentioned she came from a small town in Australia, home schooled for a year now. (For reasons still unknown.) She mentioned she left a couple friends back home, but mainly family. She even has a love for Star Wars & Lord of the Rings. She practically talked about everything but relationships. So my big plan to see if she's aboard the rainbow ship has yet to set sail. But god so help me I will find out! Santana Lopez never looses. Except that one time Brittany chose Artie...never mind that. I have a new target in mind. Operation Ella.

"So are you free during the week?" I ask her once we're alone paying for our meals.

"I am."

"Would you care to join me? I could show you my grand collection of movies? Or we could go for a swim?" I ask in high hopes.

"That sounds perfect actually. Much better than my usual week nights." She says with a smile.

"Great. I'll text you when and where. Bye Ella." I say in a tone that probably sounds way too excited.

* * *

"Come in." I reply to the knocking at my door. I know it's Brittany because my parents are out on a date tonight.

"Hey!" She says with my favorite smile.

"Hi"

She comes and sits next to me on my bed so carefully, like she's afraid she'll break it if she gets too comfortable. I've never seen her act like this before. Only when something is majorly wrong. The last time she was on my bed we were so busy tearing off each others clothes she didn't even bother to knock on my door. She needed sex and I was there. Just following along like it meant nothing. But now she seems shy, much like our first time. Being her best friend for years I can tell something is off by the way she is looking down at her fidgeting hands.

"What's up Brittany?" I ask.

"I did something bad. I didn't tell you something that I should have told you a while back." She says in a soft voice.

My heart is beginning to race. I hope she is about to say what I think it is.

"What?" I say quickly. Because she's taking long moments to reply.

"That day at the lockers when you said your feelings. Well I left out something that day."

"What? What is it Brittany?" I say in a rushed voice.

"Well the truth is I didn't find your letter."

"Who did? Brittany do you know what this could mean?"

"I think it was Finn. He's the one who handed me the letter. But he said he didn't open it, but I'm sure he's lying because the unicorn sticker that you used to seal the letter was ripped."

I literally can't form words right now. I'm- I just- Finn is gonna out me on Monday? Is that why he said "Just you wait until Monday." ?

He wouldn't right? Sure I insult him about his weight but I don't actually mean it. He's just clumsy because he's so tall.

"He knows...he knows. He knows about me, about my feelings."

And then it hits me.

"Brittany how could you keep this information from me?" I'm trying not to yell but I'm finding it really difficult.

"I-Well you just started talking to me this week, so I figured now would be a good time." She says in a weak voice.

"Brittany do you understand? He know that I'm gay. He hates me! Finn has this ridiculous idea that I turned Berry against him. Finn is gonna do something about this knowledge this coming Monday." I yell out.

I turn away from her because I know I'm about to start crying. I lay on my side weeping to myself when I feel her inching closer to me.

"Brittany please just leave. Please." I say in a quiet voice.

"San, I'm really sorry. I thought that if I waited maybe Finn would realize that you're awesome and he wouldn't do anything about it. Maybe we could stop him? It's not too late, school doesn't start until...tomorrow."

"Please. Just leave Brittany." I say through my tears.

* * *

Remember!: Ella's character is played by Amber Heard.

Sorry for the late update. I had the worst weekend of my life. But onto better news (maybe) What did everyone think of the newest episode of Glee?

Onto Reviews:

Heyalillengies12 - Thank you! I will :)

t - Amber Heard is what I described her as. Thanks! :D

hausofgaga13 - Right! Amber Heard is a major babe haha. Not much of a jealous Brittany here. But I promise you there will be soon enough.

P -Thank you! I will ;P

girl-otaku - Update indeed ;)

britt-britt -Thank you! I hope this chapter cleared that up.

Peaceagent15 - Finn is single because the can't decide between Quinn and Rachel. He's spoiled. Kurt should scold him. Especially for what is about to happen. I've never though of making pezberry friends. I'll consider :)

Val - You'll have to wait and see :D

1name2goes3here4 - Sorry about the wait. Hopefully this makes up for it.

Like always thanks for reviewing! It means a lot! 3


	10. Chapter 10 Exposed

No Turning Back

Chapter 10: Exposed

Soundtrack: Coldplay- Fix You

* * *

"Santana?" My mom is yelling from downstairs.

I don't reply. I'm too broken to. I'm curled up in a blanket laying limp on my bed. Tears cover my face and I'm positive I look like shit.

"San?" My mother is calling at my door before entering.

I'm trying to stay as quiet as possible so she thinks I'm asleep, but no such luck.

"Baby what's wrong?" She asks with sincerity before sitting on my bed.

I finally turn to look at her and see she has her concerned pout face on.

"Mom" I weakly cry out before diving into her arms.

"Tell me what's wrong mija." She asks while stroking my back.

I'm not sure why I feel the need to tell her the truth but I do. I need to let it out.

"It's-It's Finn." I cry out.

"I thought you don't like him. Since when are you two having troubles?"

"No mom! He...He is going to expose me. A secret. Something private about me tomorrow, to the whole school!"

"Honey, no one will believe rumors. Especially from Finn. What is the secret? What happened to make him want to do this?" She asks with curiosity filling her tone.

I ignore the first question and pray she doesn't notice. "He...umm...thought I turned Rachel against him. " I say cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"That isn't the point mama! The real problem is school. I can't go back there!"

"You can't miss anymore school."

"Mom. I just...can't."

"How about I call his mother and have a talk with her?"

"Everyone is asleep. It's 1 in the morning."

"How about I talk to your principal?"

"Oh please, he won't do anything. We get slushies thrown on our faces weekly and he remains doing nothing about it. It's useless mom. I'm not going."

"Santana, you're going. It's final. I'll drop you off tomorrow at school and have a talk with the principal. Everything will be fine. Trust me." She ends with a reassuring smile before she exits my room.

There's no way I'm going back to school. I know Finn will find a way to call me out. I know it! I quickly text Kurt "emergency" but that's useless, he's off getting beauty sleep.

I realize I have no one to turn to.

* * *

I put my hand over my knee to stop it from shaking. I've never been so scared to see my school before. I can't do this. I need a plan now.

"You know what mom? How about I do the mature thing and talk to Finn myself?" I ask with hope as we pull into the parking lot.

"Are you sure San? I can talk to the principal."

"I'm sure mom. Please just let me do this myself."

"If you insist sweetie. Just call me if he gives you any trouble. Ok?"

"Ok thanks mom" I say as I exit the car.

I can feel her watching me to make sure I enter the school. So there's no way I can escape now. I put my shaky hand on the handle and open the door. There's not many people in the hall so I quickly walk to the nearest exit. As I make my way around a corner I see it.

Plastered on the walls are copies of my letter.

I put my hand over my mouth to stop the gasping cry form escaping. I run as quickly as I can to the exit.

* * *

I don't stop running until I'm feeling light headed. I take in my surrounding and realize I'm at a park. A park I used to play with Quinn and Brittany at. Great.

I sit on a near by bench and finally let it out. My tears are flowing as hard as ever. How could he do this to me? Ive never gone this far to insult him. My hands and legs are beginning to shake. I need to calm down before I have a panic attack.

I somehow manage to find a cigarette that Puck gave me hidden deep in my satchel. I quickly bring it to my lips and light it. I inhale as much as I can before release. At least this is stopping my tears from pouring out like a river.

I close my eyes and try to relax, but when I do all I see is the letter on the school walls. That damn letter! The letter that I poured my heart and soul in telling Brittany every future idea and hope for us, such as where we would go for our honeymoon, what kind of house we would buy, and even what we would name our kids. I'm such and idiot!

The hard sobbing is starting up again. Everyone in the school knows by now that I'm just a rejected lesbian. No one will understand.

After an hour of crying I realize I need something fresh. Something new. Someone who doesn't know all the drama in my life.

Is it possible to just want to be with someone but there's no talking involved. As if just being near that person calms you down. If it is possible I'm sure feeling it.

I dig in my skinny jeans and I

pull out my phone and see missed calls and texts from Kurt as well as Brittany. I don't reply to any of them. There's only one person I'm trying to contact.

"Hello?"

"Hey. I hope I'm not bothering you, but could I ask a favor?" I ask with a shaky voice.

* * *

"So, I know we're not the best of friends. Yet. But what's the reason I found you crying on a bench?" Ella says, breaking the silence that was filling her car.

"I wasn't crying. I'm-I'm fine." I say. Hoping she can't hear the sadness seeping through my voice.

"Honey, I know what tears look like. I've had plenty of them. But I understand if you don't want to talk about it. We all have secrets."

I don't know why, but by her not forcing me to tell her actually makes me want to open up. But I don't want to scare her off with the drama.

"Kinda like the secret about why you're home schooled." I say with attitude. I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't. It just slipped out. Blame my inner Snix.

"If you really want to know why I'll tell you."

Before I can apologize and stop her, she begins.

"It was sophomore year and there was a party that a couple friends and I attended. It was getting late and we had all had a couple drinks in us, so some of the guys at the party thought it would be cool to play spin the bottle.

I agreed. I was stupid, I wanted to show off that I wasn't gay. I used to hate myself for being me, so I tried to be someone I wasn't. So I played. After a while it was my turn, I landed on a guy named Preston. Everyone chanted us on, so after our kiss ended he whispered in my ear that we should take this somewhere private. I looked around at my friends that were chanting me on, and once again I agreed.

He took me to the furthest room away from the loud party. We started making out but he kept trying to take it further. I said no over and over again and attempted to get him off of me... but I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened next. He wanted to "fuck the gay out" of me.

He got away with it. It's still on his record that it happened but he had connections with the authority. My family and myself were so outraged that my brother actually ended up getting in a lot of trouble because he beat him up a couple times. So he's also home schooled. We couldn't handle seeing his face around town so when my dad asked his boss to be transferred we ended up moving here...And that's my secret Santana."

I've never been so shocked in my life. So many emotions are flowing through me. I don't know how to respond so I ask her to pull over.

Once we're stopped I lean over and hug her so hard I'm sure it hurts. For some reason I don't want to let go. She makes me feel like my problems are so small, that I have nothing to worry about.

"I'm so so sorry." I whisper in her ear.

She pulls back from the hug and is staring into my eyes. Her eyes have glossed over as if she's holding back tears. It hurts to see her like that.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault Sanie." She says with a smile.

I'm crying again but I somehow manage to blush at the nickname she gives me.

"You make my problems seem so small Ella."

"But they're still problems that you have. So they still matter. You still shouldn't feel obligated to tell me. Just when you're ready." She says as we pull back onto the highway.

* * *

"Do you want to come inside?" I ask Ella who is standing on my porch awkwardly.

"Yea sure."

I lead her into my empty house and up the stairs to my bedroom.

I watch her take in my room. Her facial expression doesn't look good. Does she not like my room? Is it too dark for her?

"I love your room. It's absolutely amazing."

"Thanks." I say with a smile towards her.

"So what do you wanna do?" I ask as I plop down on my bed.

"You said you have an awesome movie collection. So lets see it." She asks with enthusiasm.

I show her my movie collection and am shocked to see how many great movies she has never seen. I pull out a stack of movies that are must sees.

"Now I'll deny it if you ever tell anybody this, but I am also a big Star Wars fan. So I was glad to hear that you've actually seen that." I tell her with relief.

"Then I'm actually surprised that you didn't guess I was a Star Wars fan right after I told you my name." She teases.

"What do you mean?"

"My name is Ella Laya Ann. Laya as in Princess Laya. My family has this weird obsession with the movies so they named my brother and I after the characters." She tells me with a laugh.

After we discuss what episodes of Star Wars are the best I put in the movie Jaws. She's seriously never seen Jaws. She has a lot of learning to do.

I lay down on my bed on my stomach facing the tv screen , I pat my hand for her to join me. She ends up sitting three feet away from me. Is she not attracted to me. Did I do something wrong? I ignore my inner fight and press play.

I soon realize I made a huge mistake. We're at the part in the movie where the couple that is making out at the party sneaks off. I look over to Ella and see she is looking away from the screen. I can tell she is about to cry. God Santana why would you show her this movie? You're a fucking idiot.

"I. Am. So. Sorry." I yell out before turning off the movie.

"It's ok. It's ok. You didn't know." She says with her voice cracking at the end.

I move over to her and wrap my arms around her and begin stroking her soft blonde hair.

"I'm such an idiot. I so sorry."

"San. Stop apologizing. I'm the one who she be saying sorry. I'm ruining the movie."

I look down at her and see this broken crying girl. Much like myself. I realize this isn't fair. I know her biggest secret and she know nothing about me.

"It all started when I met Brittany." I began.

* * *

"And then I called you to come pick me up. And here we are now." I say wiping a tear off my drenched face.

After a moment or two of silence I'm getting worried. Was that too much truth? Does she still consider me a friend?

"Please say something." I beg.

She looks me in the eyes before I finally notice she's crying too. She grabs my hand before she's leaning into me.

I'm fully expecting a kiss. I even close my eyes. But I'm instead she kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear that I'm the "Bravest person she's ever met."

"Thank you for telling me San."

She never let's go of my hand.

"So what are you gonna do about Finn?"

"I haven't really thought about it to be honest. All I know is that I don't want to go back there. But I'll probably end up being forced to by my parents."

"So don't go back." She states.

"I wish."

"Homeschooling is always an option."

"My parents are never home. Who would teach me?"

"My parents."

I don't know how to answer her right now. This is a lot of information to process.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you off. I just think its a good idea. So you don't have to answer me right now."

"I'll talk to my parents about it tonight. But I'm sure they will be wondering why I don't want to go back to school. Oh my god what do I tell them?" I panic.

"You don't have to come out to them. You could just say rumors were going around the school about you."

"You think that will work?"

"Let's hope." She says with a smile as she grips my hand tighter.

"Now what do you say we drop all the heavy talk and watch a movie to lighten the mood?"

"Sounds perfect."

I let her choose the movie this time and we watch in comfortable silence. She take my hand during the scary part and I can't help but smile.

* * *

I can feel my phone vibrating like crazy in my pocket but I really don't want to let go of Ella's hand so I never check it.

It probably would have been a good idea to check it because I think I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly pause the movie and listen.

"Something wrong?" Ella's asks.

Before I can reply my door handle moves and in steps Brittany.

* * *

Sorry for the cliff hanger! I had to do it haha.

Keep in mind Ella's is played by Amber Heard. Don't forget :)

Dear readers I am SO sorry I took so long to update. It won't happen again. The Brittana break up really put me in a funk. So I haven't really been inspired lately.

Anyways on to reviews.

Heyalillengies12 - Uh oh. Here comes more drama.

Guest - Crap most definitely hit the fan. Bring in the drama.

hausofgaga13 - Haha who does like Finn? I apologize the update took so long.

Guest - Umm no. Haha sorry but that not where this story is going. Ella's not gonna fall for Britt.

britt-britt - Well now you know the reason she's homeschooled. Thanks for reviewing

1name2goes3here4 - Haha isn't that a song? Anyways sorry I took so long to update.

As always thanks for reviewing, favoriting, and following. It really means a lot.


End file.

Glee, Hurt-Comfort, Romance