The connection between us

  
Disclaimer: Joss owns them, I abuse them.   
Rating: PG-13.   
Summery: Some people have a connection no matter what happens.   
  
** ** **   
  
They think that I'm her brother. That's the reason why I get permission to visit her whenever I want.   
  
The doctor says she is okay.   
  
But I often dream that she dies and I wake up screaming. Then I get dressed and walk over to the hospital, just to make sure that she really is okay.   
  
I never call. Afraid that they will lie to me saying that everything is okay with her, when she has died in that hospital room all alone. Nobody should die alone.   
  
Especially not her.   
  
That's one of the reasons why I visit her so often. The others don't know that I'm with her on my spear time. If they knew, I don't think they would like it or understand.   
  
Willow would smile one of her I-don't-think-that's-a-good-idea smiles and leave it with that. Giles would maybe stutter some before taking of his glasses to clean them. The one I think would be worst would be Buffy, she would yell and scream at me saying that I should forget her. Telling me that she was an enemy.   
  
I never saw her as my enemy, even when she was trying to kill me. She was just like a lost child who didn't know what love felt like. She got scared when she let us get to close to her. I think the only thing she wanted was to be loved.   
  
I wanted to do that so much.   
  
I wish that she would wake up. But the doctor doesn't think that will happen. Her body is to damaged for her ever to wake up he said. And somewhere in my mind I know that he is right. That she will never wake up again, because it was never meant to be. But still I hope for a miracle. Maybe it will go true; this is the Hellmouth after all.   
  
I'm with Buffy and the others right now but I really want to be with her.   
  
I got a sick feeling in my stomach saying that something is going to happen. But there is a new prophesy that has to be researched, something about the slayer dying.   
  
Buffy is complaining as usual, about the fact that she is in danger for getting killed again. If Buffy could decide how the world should be, I bet that she wanted everyone to obey her. I can't believe that I felt something for that girl. She thinks that everything that happens is about her. She's even worst then Cordelia.   
  
Buffy has already died and she survived, with my help, then a new slayer came to town. I really liked Kendra; she would have been a good friend if she had lived longer. After she died came Faith....   
  
Suddenly it struck me. Buffy wasn't the one dying, it was Faith. This couldn't happen, not to her.   
  
"Faith?" Buffy looked at me like I had grown a second head. I didn't even know that I had said that last thing out loud.   
  
"You think Faith is the one that is going to die?" She paused thinking about that she would maybe not be the one dying this time and then suddenly she smiled. "Well, at least it's not going to be a great lose. Because she is Faith, the crazy slayer that tried to kill us all. Who is going to miss her anyway?"   
  
I couldn't believe that she had just said that. That selfish bitch.   
  
I wanted to scream at her, telling her what a bitch she was, that she was the one deserving to die...but she didn't deserve to die. I know that but I would never admit it to anyone. I swallowed the scream. I could feel it struggling inside of me. But I sat still keeping the scream inside of me for my ears only.   
  
I wanted to run out of the apartment and over to the hospital. She had to be okay, she just had to be.   
  
"Xander, are you okay?" Willow looked at me with a concerned look. She was the only one that seemed to notice the fact that I seemed restless. But then again she was the only one who really noticed me.   
  
I smiled at her, it was a forced smile and somehow I knew that she could tell that it was. There was no way I could tell her what I felt right at that moment. "Sure Willow, I'm just thinking." I didn't need to say anything else, they never asked about what I was thinking about. And if I had told them I doubt they would really listen.   
  
"I have work tomorrow so I better go and get some hours of sleep."   
  
I stood up, knowing that they would let me go. It was not like they really cared where or what I was about to do. Maybe if they knew the truth they would have cared.   
  
"Okay then," Willow said giving me a reassuring smile, as if she knew that something was bothering me. I would like to think that she had an idea. "You are still going to meet us tomorrow night, right? The party tomorrow that I told you about."   
  
I had totally forgotten about the party Willow and Buffy had invited me to, I had told them that I was going but at the moment I felt like dropping the whole thing. Willow had told me that it would be nice if I came, since they had not seen me much lately. I missed them as well, though I wasn't so naïve to think that one night out would repair all the broken bridges that was between us. At the moment I didn't think anything would get us close together again.   
  
"I may have to work overtime," I lied hoping that Willow would not notice. "I will try to come, if not maybe we could get together another time."   
  
Willow nodded. "Okay," she said looking back into the book that she had in her lap not saying anything else.   
  
With that I turned around and left, I wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I needed to be there when Faith died, she was not doing to die alone.   
  
The sun had gone down. And since this town was Sunnydale I knew I needed to stay alert in case a demon wanted to attack me, but the thought that she would die was making my thoughts wander elsewhere. I did not even hear the demon coming before it was too late.   
  
The demon's sharp claws struck me in the back, ripping my ugly shirt open and scratching my already bruised skin. I screamed and managed to turn around just as the demon attacked me again. I searched franticly for a weapon though found out that I have forgotten my stake at home. There was no way that I would survive without a weapon, though I tried to avoid the demons blows but they just kept on coming.   
  
I knew that I would never last long and surrendered myself to my fate, and then everything became black.   
  
Beep Beep Beep   
  
The sound really annoyed me; it was a real pain listening to it and it made me wonder if I had been sent to hell instead of heaven. I thought that I had all right to go to heaven though maybe the big guy upstairs had other ideas of who I really was.   
  
As I opened my eyes slowly I did not see the pits of hell that I had thought I would. Everything was white and it was almost blinding, I could hear voices though they seem to be far away. The annoying beeping did not stop though, was this heaven? I blinked a couple of times and found out that heaven looked a lot like a hospital room.   
  
Had I survived the demon attack?   
  
I had to have survived because I could hear Willow's worried voice in the hallway asking somebody if she could see me. How had I survived?   
  
The door opened and a very worried Willow walked in, it was easy to see that she had not slept in a couple of days. As she saw that I was awake though she lightened up and almost ran over to where I was lying.   
  
"Xander, you're awake." She said happiness was clearly in her face. "I was so worried."   
  
I tried to sit up though found out that I was unable to do so, it did not matter anyway because Willow was almost leaning over me anyway. Opening my mouth to ask her what had happened I found out that I was unable to speak a word. If I had been able to get into a full-blown panic attack I would, but it seemed that I was unable to move because of all the bandages that I had been wrapped in.   
  
Willow seemed to notice though; a sad expression came upon her face as she started to explain. "You have been in a coma for almost two months now Xander. Your body was so badly injured after the attack, it was lucky that Buffy heard your screams or else you would have died."   
  
So Buffy had saved me.   
  
"Your heart and neck was badly injured when you came here. The doctor told us that you would not be able to survive without a new heart." Willow paused and I started to wonder if someone I knew had given away his or her heart to save me. I gave Willow what I hoped looked like a questionable look. She seemed to understand and started to explain. "Do you remember what we were researching right before you left and the demon attacked you?"   
  
I nodded, off course I remembered. It was the new prophecy about the death of the slayer and I found out that it was not Buffy that was going to die but Fai- No. I must have seemed a little freaked out because Willow was looking even more worried now. I looked around and found a pen and a notepad. Someone must have figured out that I would not be able to speak or something probably one of the doctors. I started to write the question on the notepad it took a while though I finally managed to make it readable; I showed the notepad to Willow.   
  
_I have Faiths' heart in me, don't I?_   
  
She did not speak, just nodding to answer my question.   
  
Faith had died and I had not been there to say goodbye to her. I still had a part of her here though, and it was the most precious part of her too. I knew that we had a connection, and I was afraid that the connection was going to be broken ones Faith died but now she will be with me the rest of my life.   
  
"They had no choice Xander," Willow's voice interrupted me in my thinking. "She was the only available donor, it was lucky that she died the day after your accident or else you would have died as well."   
  
I turned towards Willow and glaring at her. How dared she speak like Faith's death was a gift from the gods? If I were to choose I would have wanted to die in Faith's place. Willow my oldest friend was speaking as if Faith meant nothing to her. At that moment I hated the fact that I no longer could speak, as I wanted to yell at Willow and tell her to get out of the room. I did not want to hear her speak about Faith like that.   
  
Willow seemed a little taken back by the look on my face. "Y-you should probably get some rest. I am sure you are tired." She said as she headed over to the door, just as she was about to walk out of the room she turned around again. "I will be back tomorrow."   
  
Then she was gone and I was ones again left to myself.   
  
But this time I am not alone, I have a part of Faith with me wherever I go.   
  
Nobody will ever try to destroy the connection between us.   
  
**The end**   



End file.
