Nisekoi/ニセコイ Raku's Soliloquy

Disclaimer: I don't own Nisekoi

* * *

Raku Ichijou abruptly opened his eyes.

What greeted his vision was the darkened ceiling, made of fine maple wood. Clearly oblivious as to why he was sweating so much, he decided to jump out of the luxurious bed and walk around the apartment. As he looked at the pendulum clock to find out just how odd his wake-up time was, he slowly strolled to the kitchen to find some juice. Or maybe make one.

There was a girl who were afraid of the dark. He remembered it.

After finishing his juice he was still unaware as to why he woke up so early in the morning, yet it had no longer bothered him. So before he want back to his deep slumber, he stopped in front of the room next to his. He turned the golden door knob ever so slowly, so as to not wake the sleeping beauty up. Yet when he drew himself closer to her, and sighted upon the beauty under the serene moonlight, he could not help but gently touch her cheeks. To his warmth, Kosaki Onodera opened her eyes.

From her gentle eyes he knew that she wanted to ask why would he be up at such hour, wondering if there was something bothering him. No, there was nothing that could bother him after he could finally be with his beloved, and as this was apparent in his eyes, the two continued spending time in silence, drawn into each other's eyes. Although yet to be in relationship, the two had considered their dreams to have come true.

It took them a bit longer to break from them admiring each other, and then realize that the storm outside had grown even wilder. The cold of the storm and the racing beat of her heart drove her hands to find ways to his, seeking the comfort that she could never find anywhere else. To her touching his hands he blushed, but never would he let go of it. As he firmed his grip around her palm a flash of lightning blinded the two, its thunder deafening.

There was a girl who was afraid of lightning. He remembered it.

"Could you stay with me, until the storm passes?" the sleeping beauty asked in slight embarrassment.

At that he nodded.

* * *

As a wake-up call for his beloved, Marika Tachibana stealthily entered his room every early morning, hoping that she was the one his eyes would gaze upon as the sun rises. However, that day was different – Raku was not there. At first she panicked at the thought of him being kidnapped, but she calmed herself and tried to search the apartment for him. She was glad, but apparently a bit mad, when she found him holding hands with the freeloader, sleeping peacefully. "So lovey-dovey first thing in the morning," she whispered to herself, wondering if there would come a time when she would wake up in his arms. Unable to bring herself to end the couple's comfortable sleep, she decided to let him be late for the day. They no longer have school anyway.

"Raku-sama, are you sure you want to do this? It's getting even worse out there. Even dad has to oversee the area," the daughter of comissioner expressed her genuine concern as the three watched how the streets was chaotic and the bullet rained downtown through the god-knows-how-many inch television. While it was literally war that ruled Tokyo today, Raku was determined not to cancel his plans, for those were only meaningful if it were done at that particular day – a year after the catastrophe. The brown-haired girl insisted on going with him now that she knew he would not retreat, but Raku was never the man to put any girl in danger. As the couple began to argue, Marika Tachibana could only stare into her cup of tea. "I wonder if dad's okay," her worries silenced the two.

It was his fault, alright. He knew it was.

He clearly insisted that the two girls stayed inside even as he find the exit from that luxurious apartment of Tachibana's. After finding the black metal he wished he would never use, that very wish disappeared as the Black Tiger stood before him when he opened the door. There was Raku Ichijou, pointing a gun at one of his very best friend, at least during the peaceful days. Yet the famous hitman didn't pull out hers. She was not there to start yet another fight.

"I would appreciate it if you could lower your weapon."

Was it a trick of hers? Could any of those black dress of hers be hiding lethal weapon that she could draw anytime? Could the umbrella protecting her from the torrent of waters be deadly? Was she really alone in the area? He could never be sure – never be able to trust her. The past year of him surviving her assaults had trained him to observe every single nook and cranny for him to stay alive. Yet after finding that there was no such thing whatsoever, he still couldn't lower the gun.

"Raku Ichijou! At least for today, we are not to point our guns at each other, for Ojou-san's sake," at the mention of the girl from America he responded. Still hesitating, he took a step towards the blue ribbon of hers, and only after a while did he lowered his gun and deeply sighed. He would forever question how he lost such a dear friend.

As the blue-haired duo took off, each under their own umbrella, Raku began to look around Tokyo, a city of his but never his own. As he recalled, when he was still going to school there wasn't any of those bullet holes on the cars nor exploded barrels nor the pool of blood being washed away. It was incredibly silent for a normal, rainy day though, so he inquired.

"It was a one-day truce," the hitman answered, somehow anticipated that he would question the temporary peace the city had. "Somehow both sides agreed to cease fire for one day, to respect Ojou-san's... decision." The hitman was never fond of mentioning the past, now that she'd lost everything – even her chance to fall in love. 'Decision,' Raku wondered. Was it really hers, and not his? He would never be sure – a series of screaming at each other and crying and physical abuse was all he remembered, all during the peaceful days.

The teary grey sky almost always forced the memories of the decision to flash in front of Raku, and if it did so it paralyzed him and tortured him to no end. But he didn't have time to just sit back and vent about that this very moment – not today, not outside. He extended his hand to the rain, desperately hoping that it would clean some of the blood in his hand, blood that only he could see. It didn't occur to him that he had stopped walking to do so, and the mafia girl Seishirou Tsugumi was waiting for him. She did not see the blood.

"Let's go.."

"Yeah.."

They arrived at their destination: a vast hill of green among the city reeking of gunfire. The ex-friends climbed the hill, not elegantly so as the rain had made the soil soggy and uncomfortable to step on, especially with that high heels and black dress of hers. It wasn't easy for him either, but rather than physical constraint, it was an emotional one. Sometimes people make a decision, oblivious to its consequences, so that they could live on. Nobody said that telling the truth would kill, only that curiosity killed the cat.

He felt worthless. He felt that he was undeserving of each step that he took towards the top of the hill, the center of this beautiful land, the only place decorated with trees, flowers, green grass, life. Yet he knew, he had to do it. He knew he had to keep going, not only forward in the meadow but forward in life as well. And here was his milestone, his chance to allow him to do so mentally; for often the way to live on is to say goodbye.

He had to meet her.

Often Tsugumi wondered how could a tombstone be so beautiful, so fitting for the person, and another time wondered how something so beautiful hurt so much just by existing. By the time Raku Ichijou reached her, she had already put her bouquet of flowers, smiling as she imagined how would the person react to the combination of colors picked from the nature, were they still be together in this world. So many memories with her, so much meaning she added to her life, so painful a moment the Black Tiger couldn't help but to shed tears. Raku rubbed her hairs with that gentle palm of his, trying to comfort her – he never wanted to see a girl cry. Yet the three of them knew that Raku was in need of comfort the most.

His umbrella flew. His legs failing. His soliloquy began.

"Oi, gorilla girl, how are you doing?"

His hands began to grope the soil.

"I'm... doing fine, surprisingly.."

No longer could he hold his tears, no longer could he bear the pain.

"The city.. our family.."

Blurred by his tears, his vision began to travel back in time and reconstructed that fateful day.

"I guess it's inevitable, right? We screwed up after all.."

_Hey, Raku, answer me honestly.._

"I.. I'm living with.. Tachibana now, so I'm safe.."

_What is it? Don't make such a serious face._

"I also.. brought Onodera with me.."

_If we are really dating, do you think it'll work out?_

"And I... with Onodera.. live together.."

_Of course not. We hate each other's guts, after all._

"I.. gathered all my courage.. to confess.."

_I guess you're right. You like Kosaki after all._

"and she said yes.. and now she's my girlfriend.."

_Yeah. She's a much better person than you, after all._

"I will.. I'll talk to Tachibana, to settle things.."

_I guess we shouldn't continue, after all._

"See? I'm no longer a coward.. I no longer run from these things.."

_Whatever do you mean?_

"So, Chitoge.."

_It ends. This fake relationship._

"Will you forgive me?"

At that he wailed, like a grandson losing his grandfather, like the leaves losing the sun. For a year had he tried to hold all the feelings, the guilt, the burden that he can't show in order to survive the war. She did end it all, but he never stopped her in the first place. Not stopping her ridiculous train of thought, not hiding how he truly felt about their relationship, not putting others before himself, he was never the innocent one, never the victim. He buried his face on the ground, body shivering out of the burst of emotion, that the hitman had to follow him in crying for her Oujo. Their fake love revealed, war erupted, the city destroyed. A stray bullet took her life. How could he kill so many?

The rain never did cleanse the blood in his hands.

* * *

That's it for now. I don't know yet if this will merely be a one-shot, but it most probably will be.

I need to apologize to everyone for Chitoge passing away. Gosh, How could I kill so many?

Review appreciated, as this is my first fic after so long...


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Nisekoi/ニセコイ, Angst, Tragedy