Final Fantasy VII Advent Gum?

This is based on a script I found on the internet. I sorta messed with it, so… It's not really a parody, just something random...

I don't know, enjoy anyway.

* * *

**At the Northern Crater**

"Can you believe it?" Elena shouted to air, "Sure a disgrace!"

Tseng (who is SUPPOSED to be dead) replied, "It can't be…"

"…Messed up isn't it?"

Above them, a Shinra helicopter was flying above the huge crater. The pilot Reno, who is for some reason obsessed with the word "yo" all of a sudden, was tapping his finger on the armrest. "Just hurry it up, yo."

Tseng looked up at the flying helicopter annoyingly, "Reno, get yer ass down here."

"Alright, yo." Reno responded as he tugged on the lever to lower the helicopter. It flew down toward the dark carter where it disappeared within the gray clouds.

Suddenly, a "gawk" was heard.

"Oh my GAWD!" Reno shouted through the headphones.

Elena looked up the see a horrifying sight flying above them "A bird!" The bird flew lower. "Oh shit…"

Tseng slowly moved away, step by step, "It's… a seagull."

The bird flew above Elena, and, because it's a seagull, a white and brown substance flew down toward her. She was frozen at what horror was seen.

In a blink of an eye, the poo landed on her head.

"It's attacking!" Reno shouted again.

Tseng continued to look and walk away, "The beak!"

Elena, so how weak from bird poo, said meekly, "Run… you red bastard…"

"Tch!" Reno sounded as the helicopter flew away, into the dark sky…

* * *

**The Introduction (The part Marlene talks)**

"Wow… what a beginning."

"Anyway, one day, an emo retard named Cloud found 25 cents. And with that quarter, he wanted to buy some gum… But instead he made a horrible discovery… Gum was over 25 cents. And because of that, he went on an adventure."

"Why? Hell, I REALLY don't know. He's a fucking retard. And it's so true. So… so… true. Hm… that cracker owes me a marble…"

"Don't know what to say…"

"Whatever! Simon says kick your mom!"

"…"

"…………"

"Still waiting…"

"………………….."

"This isn't going to work if you don't do it."

"……… you're starting to piss me off. DO IT!"

"…… Fine, forget you, you damn loser."

"Now what was…? Oh yeah, gum. Cloud looking for gum. But what kind you ask?"

"Juicy Fruit, Doublement Fresh."

"Winterfresh,"

"Even Icebreakers, those small peaces of gum at are so small, you'd have to eat more than one! Rip-offs…"

"Anyway, he looked all over. But, as hard as he tried, he couldn't find some for 25 cents… That freakin RETARD… I think he has ADD. Maybe Hyper ADD. Or even SUPER HYPER ADD-"

_Ding!_

"Oh! My lemon cakes are done! See you on the flip side!"

* * *

The camera shows three unimportant kids for no reason at all. 

One of the kids shouted, "BITCH!" To the other standing on top of a box.

"Screw you!" he shouts back and jumps on top a piddle and blows up.

* * *

Marlene returns, "HAHA! You thought I stopped talking huh? Well, I'm still here waiting for you to kick you're mom." 

"………."

"I'll wait. But until then, let's go to the story."

* * *

Inside the seventh heaven bar, Marlene sits on a stool next to Denzel, who is lying in bed. Marlene stares at him, constantly. Or his big forehead. 

Suddenly, he moved. He touched his head and looked at her. "Hey, bitch. You're hot."

Marlene only smiled. _'WTF? OMGWTF? Eh… pervert.'_

Downstairs, Tifa washes the dishes. The phone rings, and stops washing.

"Probably the tax collectors again…" she dragged as she walked SLOWLY upstairs.

"RRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming."

She answers the phone and quickly spoke, "Hello Bob, why are you calling me? I told you I have no money-"

"…Who be this?"

"……."

"Oh, it's you, yo. What's up dawg?"

* * *

Far from Midgar, er, Edge, whatever the hell they are, Cloud stares at the city distantly. He then checks his messages, from Tifa. 

"Cloud, your homey called, he wanted you to come over to his house… Are you still looking for gum? …… Cloud, you're an idiot."

He didn't hear that last part of the message as a chair flew down from the sky and blew up. (Don't ask why.)

Cloud, being emo as hell for a reason if there is one, gets on top of his motorcycle (o.O) and rides on it. (…Lol)

* * *

**The Three Brothers on a Cliff; they rode their motorcycle but flew off the cliff then died. Then their mother used Phoenix Down and were brought back to life and was forced to move to another cliff.**

From afar, the three brothers, named Kadaj, the hot, metro in all of his glory Yazoo, who is wearing a thong and braiding his long silky hair, and Loz, that ONE guy, waits for Cloud.

Yazoo looks over to Kadaj, "Hey Kadaj, that was funny what you told me, freakin priceless."

Kadaj, looking at the mirror he got out of nowhere, "Ha ha."

Loz turned to Yazoo, "What is it?"

"He told me you have a pink and purple diary, with feathers and all fuzzy. And he told me you farted loudly while in class-"

As expected, Loz busted into tears, "Don't cry, Yazoo! Don't cry! Hang on! We'll MAKE IT!"

Yazoo and Kadaj had that "WTF" look on there faces.

Suddenly, the sound of a motorcycle was heard from below. "There goes Cloud." Kadaj said.

Yazoo and Loz looked at each other, for about ten minutes, then finally decided to head down and fight Cloud, for no reason. While Kadaj just sat there on his motor, fantasizing about the Brittney Spears perfume he could use one day…

* * *

Yeah, just totally random. My friend came up with it during a test... Hope you liked it! Next chapter coming soon! 


End file.

Final Fantasy VII, Humor