Glee 1. Strange Thoughts And Reasonings

**_A/N - Hey everyone! Starting the summer series. This should be about 5 or so chapters long, dealing with Santana's reasonings and decision behind her 'summer surgery'. I figured that a decision like this deserves a story, and I'm looking forward to keeping this in line with canon, but giving you all an idea of what happened during Brittana summer :) _**

**_It's not necessary to have read Must Be Felt to understand this. You may miss a few things (insider knowledge), but it's still totally understandable. And I suggest if you like this, then go read MBF._**

**_Enjoy :) Review! _**

**Chapter 1 - Strange Thoughts and Reasonings**

"Such a cute little pussy pussy," Brittany's voice cooed from the bottom of her bed. Her words slid up my legs, brushed over the thin sheet that only partially covered my chest, and dove into my ears.

I'd started to wake when she shuffled. The bed shifted and it stirred me. And even though she continued to toss things off the bed, jostle the mattress, and make cutesy little noises, I kept my eyes squeezed shut. I needed my sleep. I wanted my sleep. It was summer and nothing was going to get in the way of me getting and a healthy ten hours of heavy, dream filled, sleep.

But the second she said, _pussy pussy, _I was wide awake. That word coming from Brittany's lips was enough to jolt me awake.

"So soft and warm. I'm gonna kiss you, you little pussy pussy." Brittany spoke softly and started to make little puckering noises. "And scratch here. I know you'll like that."

I groaned. I may not be a morning person, but it didn't take me long to figure out what she _really _was doing. "Britt, please don't call it that." My voice was crackly and full of sleep. It snapped in my throat and the last few words came out soft and almost inaudible.

"Why?" She responded, but didn't stop making little puckering noises.

"Because…" I pulled the disheveled sheets from my chest and stuff them into my face. My next words came out hushed and mumbled. "It sounds dirty."

"Tweety Bird says it all the time." Brittany stopped her kissing noises. "And Lord Tubbington likes it when I call him that."

The bed shifted again and her hand brushed across my stomach. Falling asleep in only undergarments, waking up to _pussy pussy, _and having Brittany touch just below my belly button was just enough to start that small twist between my legs.

Her hand continued to slip over my stomach and her head followed. She stopped moving when her cheek was flush against the skin between my belly button and the bottom of my rib cage.

She used her fingers to start tracing an imaginary line against my lap where my shorts should have ended…if I were wearing any. One finger started on the bed pinched between the sheets and my skin. It drifted up my leg, tickled over the peak of my thigh, and then trailed back down and paused in the dip between my closed thighs. Her finger crawled back up my other leg, teased over it, and then stopped on the outside of that same leg. She repeated the same thing with her middle finger and traced back.

"Tweety Bird doesn't know any better, because he doesn't have a vagina." My comeback was delayed. Her fingers had distracted me. Her middle finger was dipping into that crease between my legs again.

"Then they shouldn't show that on cartoons. I was wondering why my parents started acting funky when I kept calling him that." Even with the thin blanket smashed against my face, and my eyes tightly shut, I could see the pout on her lips. And I could feel her jaw clench as she tucked her lips into her mouth.

My stomach shook with the short breathy laugh that escaped my lungs. I could picture it now. Brittany running around her house chasing her cat with a squirt gun and asking him if he wanted to get _wet. _Brittany feeding her cat and asking if he likes _eating. _Brittany doing something similar to what she did this morning; asking if he wanted to get scratched or kissed. All of it sounding like something her parents would cringe at, but probably not correct her on. I'm not sure if that would have been because they didn't want her to lose her innocence, or because they didn't want to _explain _what she was actually saying.

But the thing is. Brittany knew exactly what she was saying. She knows about sex. In fact, Brittany is a pro at sex. She's had sex with dozens of guys, kissed almost the entire school, and more recently has started _fucking _me. If the Pierce's even got a brief wind of their daughter's _knowledge _and experience_, _they'd probably faint. And then they'd die. And then they'd wake up as zombies and faint again. And in between all of this fainting business, they'd tell my parents…And I'd die.

For instance, if they'd been home last night, they would have walked in on something a little…pornographic. Brittany placing her legs over my shoulders. Me leaning my head into her, using my tongue to touch where she wanted to be touched, while her fingers helped me just a little since I wasn't allowed to use any hands.

"When are your parents picking you up?" I tried to derail my mind and keep myself from getting too turned on. We needed to get ready and a quickie between us would undoubtedly turn into a longie. And then turn into someone walking in on us.

"Tomorrow morning. Super early." Brittany said. She was now trailing her pinkie over my legs. All four of her other fingers had already had their chance. "So you're gonna have to help me pack stuff when we get back tonight."

"Yuck." I grumbled at the thought. I didn't want to come home late and do stuff. I wanted to come home, relax, watch TV, and then see how long it takes for one of us to _touch _the other. I wanted to crawl under a blanket on her couch and see if she slipped a hand inside my shorts. I didn't want to come back to her place, do manual labor, and then pass out on her couch because I was too tired. I wanted to spend this last day, before things _changed, _doing something that might convince me not to do something I'll probably end up regretting.

_But who am I kidding? _This decision has so many different flimsy justifications that there's no way I'm not going through with it. Not even one more erotic night with Brittany will change anything. I've tried to narrow it down, find something that explains _why _I decided _this _was my best option, but I can't.

It started out so sudden. With Quinn in the hall when I saw her reading Brittany's _letter _to me. That silly little letter that said so much…And all of these things in the letter, in those lyrics she copied down, were positive.

I just can't figure out how Brittany sees me so positively. _How does she think I'm a nice person? Why doesn't she find someone who doesn't freak out after every other orgasm?_ She can have anyone in the school, and she stays single. Why? Why doesn't she have a real relationship with someone who is willing to offer her everything she needs? What we have is confusing. Both of us know it. We have both extremes.

The best friend extreme. We do everything together. We take all of our classes together. We've spent almost every day this summer doing something. We go shopping, I go watch her motocross races, we sunbathe in her backyard, we sneak out to parties, and then sneak back into her bedroom.

Then we have the sex extreme. We had sex at school in between those classes that we took together. And almost every day that we've spent together this summer, we've flirted, kissed, cuddled.

But there's no in between. There's no relationship that the sex justifies. I don't talk about it, and when she mentions something about it, I close up. We don't talk about my little freak outs, we don't talk about _why _we're doing what we're doing, and what it might mean.

We just do it.

And I'm terrified that Brittany's going to figure out what I already know. She deserves better. She's either on the verge of figuring it out, or has already figured it out and is trying to find a way and opportunity to let me down easy.

I'm terrified of losing her. I need her. I love her. I just need to figure out a way to make myself a little more confident. That's one of the reasons I'm doing this. And I think that's the only reason I can somewhat justify without confusing myself too much.

"Are you hungry Santana?" Brittany asked. Her hand stopped and rested on top of my thigh. "I have cereal. My mom bought Cheerios." She muttered into my bare abdomen. Brittany didn't like eating Cheerios, she just liked getting them because of cheer.

"Sure." I flipped the sheet off of my face.

She sat up, patted my stomach, and then leaped off the bed. Her body caught my attention. She was already wearing her swimsuit. _When did she get up this morning, and how did I not hear her change? _

My phone jarred the nightstand next to me. Two short vibrations, followed by one long vibration. It repeated. Two short, one long. Someone was calling. I reached for the phone. Quinn's name was displayed across the screen. "I'll be right out Britt." I said to her. I waited for her to leave the room before I answered.

"Hello?" I said through the phone, keeping my voice steady and calm, knowing that this conversation was probably going to ignite a few disastrous emotions.

"_You're not really going through with this are you?" _Quinn spat through the phone. I could tell she was annoyed. But it was a different type of annoyed. Not the same annoyed she gets when someone sits in her seat during lunch at school, or when Rachel makes some pathetic comment about _Finnocence_.

"Uhm. Yeah I am. It's tomorrow morning and it's a little late to change my mind." I tried to sound as annoyed as she did, but I could feel my voice shaking.

"_I just don't understand why Britt can't help you." _Quinn continued. "_I have other things to do than babysit your boobs." _

"You're not babysitting anything Fabray." I used her last name. It was an attempt to keep things less personal and keep her suggestions less personal. "All you have to do is pick me up. Have Pucker_fuck _drop you off and drive my car to my place. I'm sure he'd be dying to spend some time with his baby mamma."

Bringing up the baby was good. It'd make her feel guilty. It'd bully her into feeling bad for taking my man.

"_This is stupid Santana. I don't understand why you're doing this." _Quinn demanded.

"It really doesn't matter does it? It's my decision." I was starting to get frustrated. How hard is it to just drive me home? She's done it before. She's picked both me and Britt up at parties and taken us home. "Can you do it or not?" My impatience was boiling.

"_Whatever_." Quinn hushed through the phone.

"Whatever what?" I snapped. My words came out louder than I had intended. I shot my eyes up to the door Brittany had just exited. _Had she heard that? _"If you don't do it, I'll just have Puck do it. I guess he's gonna find out about them sooner or later. Might as well clue him in on the upgrade."

"I don't want Puck, Santana. If I wanted him I'd be dating him." Her voice was monotone.

I didn't know how to respond. If I couldn't threaten her by using sex with Puckerman, then I had nothing. Quinn didn't have anything. She wasn't a _Cheerio. _She wasn't dating anyone. She was just…Quinn.

She was silent too, clearly waiting for me to say something.

"I'll…j-just," I was stumbling. I didn't know who else I'd ask. I guess I could ask Mercedes or Tina, but they'd be worse than Quinn. I'm not sure if I could handle the looks they'd give me.

"_Fine,_" she said. One word. Finally. One word that caused my stomach to unknot just a little. Finally, someone kind of approved. _Maybe my decision isn't so bad after all? _

"Okay." I wanted to say thanks, but my throat stuffed the gratitude back down into my stomach. "Are you coming over to Britt's later?" I changed the subject, before she asked any more questions or changed her mind.

"_What time?" _Her voice was still bland and emotionless.

"What time is it?" I searched the room until my eyes rested on Brittany's alarm clock.

_10:59 A.M. _

"_Eleven." _Quinn answered.

"One. I think that's what she told everyone else." I rubbed my hands into my eyes. Trying to wipe away the fact that I'd slept away my entire morning.

"_Should I still bring fruit?" _Quinn asked.

"Yeah." A yawn echoed from my mouth.

"_Okay." _

Our conversation had died. The fire it'd started with was dimmed and hidden.

"Bye." I said before she could.

"_Bye." _Quinn hung up the phone first.

I dropped my phone on the bed and shoved my palms into my eyes. _Am I crazy? _No, no I'm not. I'm fixing things.

**XXXXxxxxxXXXxX **

A clap stung every other beat. A techno beat throbbed on every the sixteenth note. It was the perfect song to dance to.

Brittany's body pulsated in perfect rhythm with the beat. The tones were heavy.

_And I just wanna dance with you. _

She was wearing a navy blue tank top and short jean shorts. Nothing too indulgent. But with the way the tank top rode up her torso and the way her shorts dipped below the dimple in the small of her back, she didn't need to dress up like everyone else_. _She already looked sexy.

I wanted her to find me. I'd been sitting, sipping my drink, glancing at her, hoping that she'd spot me through the crowd.

_Every time they turn the lights down. Just wanna go that extra mile for you. _

She touched herself. Her hand pushed against her own hips, slid up, and groped up the side of her body. Her shirt rose with her hands. And as she twisted with the music, the muscles in her stomach swelled and contracted.

_We can get down like there's no one around. We keep on rockin', keep on rockin._

And then she saw me. The glance was quick, but long enough to let me know that she was coming over. Her hand touched the guys chest she was dancing with and her fingers toyed over it like she was playing a piano. She leaned in, whispered something _apologetic _into his ear, and then turned towards me.

_The center of attention. Even when we're up against the wall. You got me in a crazy position, if you're on a mission, you've got my permission._

She made it a point not to look at me again. She made eye contact with strangers, smiled at them. She even looked towards the bar, like she was thinking about heading that way and blowing me off. But her legs kept bringing her closer.

And when she reached me she didn't stop to say hello. She didn't stop to wait for me to respond. She just leaned right into my ear. "Spread you're legs." She leaned back and started to look around. The question from her lips didn't even faze her.

But it caused the spot below my stomach to ripple. A small precursor to the inevitable moan she's going to force from my lips.

I followed her command. Using the bar stool for support, I perched my feet on the second rung and spread my legs at the knee.

She left me sitting like that for a second. Waiting. Anticipating.

And then she turned back.

_I just can't, control myself. _

Her eyes flickered down to my spread legs. The stinging blue in her eyes locked on my increasingly dampening center. My dress had ridden up my legs and the tiny indigo fabric of my thong was visible between us. She then glanced back to examine the crowd. She was checking to see if they were watching, but not because she was worried about the fact. She _wanted_ them looking at us. She wanted them to know what she was going to do to me. She wanted them to listen to me scream her name over the music. She wanted to watch me dig my nails into her back while she pushed her fingers deep into me.

Her body leaned back into mine and her face disappeared into the crook of my neck. She spoke into the sensitive skin. "Wider."

My knees spread wider the instant the word left her lips.

"Wake up silly!" The voice ripped me from her next action.

My eyes shot open and I jerked in response. _Did she see? Hear? Is there something I need to hide? _The sun blinded my sight and forced me to squeeze my eyes back shut. Tiny orange dots started to form on the inside of my eyelid, turning the blackness into a milky grey.

"Ow. My eyeballs." I swung my forearm over my eyes to further hide them from the beating sun. I used my other hand to pull the ear buds from my iPod out of my ears. The headphones fell and the music was replaced with a humid silence.

"Sorry. But people are almost here." Brittany said.

I made sure my arm was shading the sun before I peeked up at her. She was standing above me wearing a pink bikini top and faded jean shorts that were unbuttoned, revealing a matching pink bikini bottom. _Great, _after that little fantasy now she's walking around with her shorts undone. _How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands to myself._

"Hello." An annoyingly familiar voice called toward us. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It made me want to scrape forks across expensive china, run my shortened nails across a dusty chalkboard, and chew on cotton balls just so I'd be able to drown it out. "This looks like it should be fun."

_That's how I'm going to keep my hands to myself. _

I moved my arm back over and covered my eyes. _Why the hell did I let Brittany be in charge of the guest list? _All she did was tell Tina and Mercedes to invite people. And then _voila_…All the annoying glee losers were here.

"What'd you bring?" Brittany immediately questioned. I listened to her footsteps pat away across the grass. "Water…" Her voice was heavy and upset. "Rachel I have water in my toilet. This is useless."

I laughed, glad that even though Brittany didn't entirely _loathe _Rachel like I did, that she was still willing to speak her mind.

"This isn't toilet water Brittany. And now I'm glad that I brought fresh water. Goodness knows what I'd be drinking if I didn't." Rachel responded.

"Puck's bringing booze." Brittany stated without wavering. "Yum." She said _yum, _so plain and simple that again it caused me to laugh.

"Uhm. No thank you. I will not be peer pressured into anything. I am here for the barbecue and to support my boyfriend. Finn wanted to stop by, and seeing as how we are now officially a couple it's only natural that I join him." She tisked. "So, no thank you. I will drink my water."

"We weren't going to give you any beer dwarf. Shave you're beard and use it as extensions." I spoke loudly, not sure how far away everyone was.

"Have you ever thought about joining girl scouts?" Brittany questioned.

"What? No." Rachel sounded confused.

"Hot." Puckerman called through the backyard. "Brittany, you should wear a bikini every day." A few seconds passed before he continued. "Where's yours Rachel?"

_Wait…What? He's not going to make some nasty crude comment about me? _For goodness sake, I'm lying in the middle of the yard and practically naked in the skimpy bikini.

"There's no swimming pool." She ridiculed.

"Yeah so." He sounded lost. "What's that have to do with wearing something hot. Brittany's showing off her fine ass."

_Okay, I need to get up now. _

I sat up, wound the earphones around my iPod, and pushed myself up from the fuzzy green beach towel I'd been lying on.

Rachel, Finn, Puck, and Brittany were all standing in a small circle. All four of them looked to me as I approached. Rachel retracted, taking my presence serious now that I was actually standing. Finn's eyes glanced over my body. _Now there's the look I'd been expecting from Puckerman the instant he walked in. _Finn's eyes fumbled over my chest, stuttered at my bikini bottom, and slid over my legs. Brittany smiled. It was cute. The corner of her lips pinched and her eyes widened.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Puckerman finally did a once over down my body.

"No he didn't." Brittany rose an eyebrow.

I spoke up before she mentioned something about her cat. It's not that I didn't find that kind of stuff adorable, because I do, but I just didn't want people raising their eyebrows at her. I didn't want her calling it _pussy _in front of Puckerman. "Where's the beer?"

"Table." He pointed behind him at the small folding table Brittany had pulled out of her garage. A case of _Blue Moon _was sitting on the middle of it.

My heart leapt when I saw Quinn standing by that table. I figured I would have seen her walk in at least, and would have had the opportunity to think of something to distract myself from the conversation we had had earlier.

I fully intended to grab a beer and get tipsy this afternoon, but I won't have that luxury until Quinn stops pawing through her fruit tray and moves away from the table. And I know she's doing it on purpose. She knows I want to go over there and grab a beer.

Instead I took a spot inside the circle, in between Puckerman and Rachel, across from Brittany. Her chest caught my attention. It curved perfectly. I'm not at all surprised Puckerman called out how hot she was. Because, holy shit…My little fantasy did her plenty of justice, but this…

_What has gotten into me lately?_ _Why am I suddenly, uncontrollably, turned on by her? _She doesn't even have to do anything to make me squirm.

_Do I have the same affect on her? _I can't…My boobs are a little smaller than hers. Not by much, but they are. I don't fill out my top as fully as she does hers. But that's going to change soon. Soon enough I'm going to turn her on, just like she turns me on. There, another reason. That makes sense, right? Yes.

"Hey?" Puckerman snapped and bumped into my shoulder.

My vision had focused on something near the ground. Nothing specific. But his bump pulled me back and caused my eyes to dart towards him. Thank goodness I hadn't been staring at her boobs.

"What?" I felt my face scowl. My forehead cringed into itself and my upper lip curled up.

"Do you want a beer?" He stepped back and towards the table with the alcohol, and with Quinn.

"Oh. Yeah. Grab me one." I looked over at Brittany to see if she wanted one too, but Puckerman had apparently already beat me to the punch.

"Gotcha. One for Brittany one for you," He pointed at me as he said _you. _

The rest of the Glee clubbers trickled in. Mike, Mercedes, Tina, and even Artie tagged along. I was a little surprised, slightly bummed, when Mike told Brittany and me that Matt had moved. He'd always been nice to me, and I guess I'd had a little thing with him when Brittany had her little fling with Kurt.

I decided to keep myself sober, so I sipped on one beer. Brittany did the same. Since she had a motocross match tonight, it probably wasn't a good idea to get wasted. And seeing as how I was driving…

Puckerman helped Brittany set up a slip n' slide, which turned out to be surprisingly fun. It also turned out that going two at once down the narrow blue tarp was an awful idea. Brittany had shot off the tarp within the first few feet, and I had tumbled off about halfway down.

The only one that didn't go down it was Quinn. She hung out and chatted with Mercedes for the most part. Sometimes she talked with Tina or said something to Mike. I'd been pretty successful avoiding her the entire afternoon, until she _decided _to use the bathroom at the same time as me.

I pulled open the bathroom door, only to run straight into her in the hallway.

"Excuse me." I tried to squeeze by her, but she grabbed my elbow.

"Santana hold on." Her hand let go of my arm the instant I stopped.

I didn't ask _what, _I didn't snap at her. I just stopped like she asked, and looked at her as if I were expecting something worthwhile. But she didn't say anything else. She was waiting for me to say something. _What the hell? _

"What?" I finally said, becoming extraordinarily uncomfortable with the silence.

"Nothing." She retracted. I could tell she was biting her tongue. "I just…wanted to know what time to pick you up."

"Uh…" I was a little thrown by the question. I'd been anticipating another one of snotty remarks saying I was stupid for making this decision. But I sorted out my thoughts and found the proper answer. "Noon. He said it should be done by noon."

"Are you-" She started.

But I cut her off. If I heard _are you sure, _one more time I was going to flip the fuck out. "Yes!" I clenched my fists. "Yes Quinn, I am sure. I have been sure ever since I told you in the hallway. And if you keep asking me I'm going to pull all of your hair out."

Quinn's eyes were doe-like and startled.

_Fuck. _

"Are you going alone…?" She asked her question slowly.

My eyes closed in embarrassment. She hadn't even been asking the question I had assumed. Now I was going to be forced to explain myself. Great job Santana, way to go.

"Yeah." I crossed my arms, I wasn't sure what else to do with them.

"I'll just pick you up in the morning. I don't have plans that early anyway." She shuffled. "This kind of surgery is a big deal though. Changing your body isn't something you take lightly."

"You think I'm stupid pendeja? No. Sé lo que hago." The Spanish spit out in to cover up my anxiety. But I stopped myself, took a breath, and continued in English. "I know what I'm doing."

Quinn shook her head, but stopped when she realized what she was doing.

"Really? Hm." I was short with her, and shifted my weight to one leg. "Why don't you tell me your opinion, since you seem so adamant about giving it jefecita?"

"I don't have an opinion Santana." Quinn countered with an equal amount of attitude. "I'm just saying I don't understand why you're doing this. You get plenty of attention from guys."

_Confidence -_I couldn't tell her that though. She'd then corner me into another explanation that would lead into Brittany…I needed something else. Something true.

"Guys like me because I fuck good." The reason slipped off my tongue. "They approach me because of what they've heard. They don't take me on dates. I want someone to walk up to me for another reason."

Quinn didn't answer right away. I guess she wasn't expecting an honest answer. It wasn't my number one honest answer, but it still was another reason. It made sense. Perfect sense. It was enough to shut her up, and keep me from blurting something about not wanting to lose Brittany.

I tried to hold back the words, but they kept pouring out. "Puck didn't even look at me when he walked in. He didn't say anything." I looked down at my body, "Look at me, I'm practically naked." I paused again, straining to hold back the words, but they forced themselves through my clenched teeth. "It's because I haven't had sex with him for awhile." I stopped myself. I forced my throat to close. _I need to get his attention, before someone notices what's going on between Britt and me. _

I closed my eyes. So very very very relieved I hadn't said that last part.

"Hey guys." Brittany's voice slipped between Quinn and me. She stepped into the hallway. Her eyes were studying me, searching my own eyes, and trying to figure out what was going on. _Why was I standing in the hallway with Quinn? Why did I look pissed off? _

"Hey Britt Britt." It surprised me how soft my voice came out. "What's up?"

From the corner of my eye I could see Quinn shift between Brittany and me. I'd give _anything _to know what she was thinking. It had to be something about my decision. _Was she wondering if I had told Britt? Had she noticed the softness in my voice? Had she noticed my eyes flicker down to Brittany's chest? _

"Just looking for you. We need to hit the road soon. Everyone's heading out." Brittany's eyes darted over to Quinn.

I wasn't sure if Brittany was commenting and suggesting that Quinn leave, somehow standing up for me. Maybe she was, but I doubt it. I was the one who stood up for Brittany. I didn't need her standing up for me.

"Good luck Brittany." Quinn smiled and stepped past us. "Let me know how your race goes." Quinn kept her smile and headed for the door.

I watched her leave, and didn't turn to Brittany until she was outside and the door was shut.

"What's wrong?" Her question stung straight into my chest.

I couldn't lie to her. But I couldn't tell the truth. Not yet anyway. I wanted to get it over with, and then explain myself, because I know she'd stop me. "Quinn's just being nosey." I shot my hand out and linked my pinkie with hers. "How about we start getting you ready." I smiled at her.


	2. Talking Dirty

**A/N: Meant to post this a few days ago, and I actually had the majority of it hand written, but my computer was being stupid. I couldn't even turn the darn thing on [and I swear I know how to turn computers on ;) ] This chapter has a different tone than I'm used to writing, but I felt it was necessary to give as much depth as possible to Santana. **

**Oh and thanks to my beta reader :) If Stephanie didn't read over this, you guys might get a little confused at points. :)**

**Let me know what you guys think!**

**Enjoy :)**

**Chapter 2 - Talking Dirty**

"Do you like this one Santana?" Brittany asked from across her room.

"Mmhmm." I answered her, even though I was back on her bed with the sheets stuffed over my face.

The conversation I had just had with Quinn was replaying through my mind like a fucking broken record. _Why the hell did I say that? _God, I'm so stupid. I'm surprised I didn't start crying and hyperventilating like a blubbering idiot, given how pathetic I must have sounded.

I scrunched my eyes even tighter shut and flopped my forearm over my eyes to stuff the sheet even further into my face. Maybe I can force myself to forget about it if I strain my brain enough. _So pathetic. _Pathetic crybaby. _Guys like me because I fuck good,_ my exact words. Saying something, anything, about Brittany would have been better than saying that out loud. Like Quinn needs more ammunition against me. And then to make things worse for myself, I tell her that I haven't had sex with Puckerman for a while. There's not a single doubt in my mind that she hasn't figured out _why _that is. Quinn's not stupid. She read that letter Brittany gave to me. She's seen us flirt. She's seen Brittany lean into me during Mr. Shue's little pep talks, put her lips a little too close to my ear, put her hand a little too high on my thigh, and she's seen my reaction to that. She's seen me fidget and pinch my knees together after Brittany hushes something suggestive into my ear. So, yes, I would have been better off just blurting something about not wanting to lose Brittany, instead of leading Quinn's mind in that direction _and _telling her that I haven't slept with Puck recently, _and _telling her that I'm not confident about my body around guys.

_Besides, why wouldn't the two most sexually active girls at McKinley High not being getting there freak on together?_

"Santana?" Brittany's hand slapped my knee.

I flipped the sheet off my face to find her standing at the foot of the bed with a ridiculously adorable pout. She was squeezing her eyebrows together causing the skin on her forehead to wrinkle, her lips were so tightly pinched together that I knew she was forcing herself to stay quiet and wait for me to speak, and her fists were balled up and hanging just below her hips.

But it was her eyes that caught my attention. They looked concerned. Those strikingly gorgeous blue eyes are what always give away her secrets. When she should have been glaring to match all the frustrated features of her face, her eyes were soft.

"What'd I do?" I asked and decided to sit up. The sheet curled into my lap as I crossed my legs.

"I said you weren't even looking. How could you have known what this looks like?" She pointed to her motocross shirt. It was pink, with white writing, and a black fox face on the chest. And just below the bottom hem of the shirt, her underwear was peeking out.

That's when I noticed she didn't have any pants on, just her _Wolverine _underwear that she bought last week when we went on a routine shopping trip at the mall.

"You're wearing that underwear right?" I teased and glanced back down at the purple panties. My eyes traced over the yellow elastic that hugged her hips and curved in between her legs. "Cause that'd be super hot." I looked back up to notice her glare faltered.

"I'd burn my legs on the bike." Her face finally relaxed a little, and her arms started to swing.

"That's okay." My voice softened and stuck to my throat as the natural rasp in my voice slowed the words down. "I'd rub lotion on them afterward." The corner of my mouth curved upward and I patted a spot on the bed beside me. "Have a seat."

I knew she caught the _intentions _in my words. Just as I'd been staring at her all day, I'd caught her glancing at me. I saw her eyes linger on every inch of skin that my bikini didn't cover, and I saw her eyes begging to peek under to the skin that my bikini _did _cover.

But Brittany being Brittany, kept her arms swinging playfully until she rounded the bed and plopped down near me. She sat with one of her legs tucked under her and with the other one dangling off the edge of the mattress.

"Hey Santana?" Her voice matched the softness of her eyes. She began to fiddle with her hands and bit onto a small piece of her lip.

_Shit. _She heard. She had to have heard Quinn and me in the hall.

My breath hitched when I tried to say _what. _So instead I settled with a non-incriminating _hm. _It was the only sound my throat was going to allow me to make.

"Is everything okay?" She asked the question without looking at me. Her eyes were locked on her hands. "You just seem distracted."

My thoughts were frantic. I was scrambling to find the right words that my lips were searching for. "I'm fine Britts." I forced my face to stay calm and hide the internal panic my mind was fighting. "And I like this one," I reached forward and pinched her sleeve in between my fingers. "You look super cute in it."

A smile grew and lifted the corner of her cheeks. She clasped her hands together and started to scan the room. _She's definitely blushing. _

But my mind was still running at a million miles per hour. It felt like tiny little men were racing around the caverns inside my brain and knocking over file cabinets and throwing important papers around. I just wanted to yell at them to stop. For things to stop. I wanted to slam my palms over my eyes, curl up, and shut myself up. This feels like some crazy sugar high, minus the sugary goodness, but plus the panic.

When her eyes returned to me, they flickered down to my lap, and then back up to my eyes. "You'd look totally hot on a bike." She smiled again. This time it was less adorable, and more seductive.

_Okay, stop now Santana. _She's off the topic. Calm down. Shut your brain up.

"I'd look smokin' hot on anything." I nodded and responded. _That's something I'd normally say right? _It sounded good.

"Especially on me." She said the instant I finished my response.

Those words froze my thoughts for a moment, but the panic quickly returned. It felt as if someone were shouting into my ears, and I couldn't figure out what they were shouting. It was just noise. Loud noise.

_I'm going to have another fucking panic attack. _

Brittany scooted closer until her knee pushed up against mine. And then eyes went wide, "I mean on my bike. You'd look hot on my bike." She corrected herself.

Brittany's sudden correction sent me back to her recent confession, _especially on me. _It allowed me to stop and think about something other than not physically showing my panic.

I took a small, but deep, breath, and replayed Brittany's last sentence, just so I know I heard it right. _I mean on my bike. You'd look hot on my bike. _

As bright as day, she'd blurted something a little _dirtier _than we're used to and then corrected herself. We've gotten to the dirty sex part of our confusing relationship, but we really haven't developed any words for it. This is the first time Brittany's accidentally blurted a thought she was having about me, since the day she confessed to pretending to kiss me when she kissed others.

It really wasn't that big of a deal. Those _sweet-nothings _she whispered into my ear during glee rehearsal were occasionally suggestive and seductive. _You're legs are soft. Want to stay the night tonight? My legs are sore from cheer, you should massage them later. _

But this was a little different. It was less suggestive and more direct. And it kind of implied a subtle possessiveness she had over me, because I'd look especially _hot_ on her.

And I'm going crazy. Over-analyzing.

"Are you talking dirty Britt?" I played off of her obvious embarrassment and threw the blunder into a completely different direction that my mind was taking it.

"Maybe…" Her cheeks looked flushed and pink.

I could feel my own cheeks heating up. _Why am I blushing? _I felt the heat crawl up my neck and nestle behind my ears.

"Well," I tried to shake it off. I'm definitely not shy when it comes to talking dirty. "I like it." I put my hand on the inside of her knee and started to massage with my thumb.

I continued to focus on massaging her leg. _Is she going to say something else? Did I say something a little too much for us? _I knew I shouldn't have talked about it. I'm good at doing it…I need to stick with what I'm good at. _Sex_.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Brittany thinking, and trying to decide what to do. After what seemed like forever, when I thought I was going to rub the skin on the inside of her knee raw with my thumb, she pulled her leg away and stood up.

All of the oxygen left my lungs the instant she was off the bed. It felt like she had ripped my stomach out with her as she stood up. I couldn't decide if this breathless hardening of my body was better than the previous panicked chaos.

My eyes skipped something. One second I was gawking at Brittany standing next to the bed, and the next her pink motocross shirt was inches from my face. She had crawled back on the bed, straddled my crossed legs, and was cupping her hand around one side of my neck while she leaned her mouth down to the opposite side. She stopped when her lips brushed against the top of my ear.

"Just moan when it feels good." She whispered. Her tongue followed the words and flicked over my ear.

I closed my eyes. Her tongue flitted across the sensitive curves in my ear and her lips swept over the tingling skin. Each time I would squirm from her touch, she would stop her lips and push them to my skin. Her lips kissed in front of my ear, behind my ear, below my ear.

Her kissing paused. "You taste good…" She kissed against my jaw. I tilted my head back to expose more of my neck. "Lay back, I want to taste more." She spoke into my neck.

The spot below my belly button twinged and twisted. The words intensified the anticipation. Before I was able to lie back on my own, she leaned into me and guided me back. Her face stayed in the crook of my neck, until I was flat on my back, and my knees were bent up. She continued to straddle me, now over my stomach.

With her lips pressed against my neck, she whispered again. "I bet I can make you scream."

I had to hold my breath to keep in a groan. _Was she really this good at dirty talk, or am I just extraordinarily turned on by everything she says? _But I couldn't say anything. I wanted to respond, I wanted to touch her, kiss her. But I was too focused on keeping myself from coming. Not that that is ever a bad thing, but I should probably at least wait until she touches me.

Her lips drifted down from my neck and stopped at the bottom of my throat. She took the skin into her mouth for a brief moment, let it slip from her lips, and nipped it delicately. Her hands slid up and down my sides as she continued this.

It was slow. Her digression. She was drawing it out. Tempting each and every little groan she could force from my lips. She was finding the spots that had never been kissed before. She did this, until her lips were between my breasts and her hands were hooked around my bikini bottom.

"You're heart is beating fast." I felt her lips break contact with my skin.

I opened my eyes to find her peering up at me. Her hair was damp. She'd swept it over one of her shoulders, but it still trickled across my chest and bikini top.

"Keep going." I ignored her observation, but now I couldn't disregard the pounding inside my chest. I'd felt it faintly when she'd started to get lower, but didn't pay it much attention. It only seemed a small side note compared to what was happening elsewhere. But now that she'd pointed it out it was all that I could think and feel. "It's fine Britt. Keep going." I laid my head back down and closed my eyes.

But her hands didn't continued to drift across my skin, and her lips didn't restart their trailing kisses. Instead the bed shifted, her shirt brushed back up my front, and her lips steadily pushed into mine. She shifted the kiss once, just to take my bottom lip into her mouth, but held still for a bit longer than she usually does. I know she was trying to distract and calm me, but my nerve endings were screaming. The only part of my body that felt cool was my lips, and when Brittany usually kisses them they feel as if they're on fire.

The longer she held the kiss, the slower my heart started to beat. My coolness from my lips started to melt across the rest of my skin. And when I felt like I'd calmed enough, I reached my hand up and pressed my palm against her cheek. My lips moved and I captured her into the kiss. And I continued to change the kiss, slip my lips over hers, and curve my mouth around hers. I did it until both of my hands were pressing into either side of her face and I was out of breath.

I broke the kiss and took a heavy breath, keeping our lips close. She smiled against the corner of my mouth and I echoed the smile. "Okay," I said. "I'm fine."

She believed me this time. I closed my eyes and she scooted back down my body, until she was in between my legs.

Again that twinge returned. It sent a deep throb from my center and down my legs.

Her fingers hooked around my bottoms and she easily slid them down my hips, over my thighs, and off my ankles. She moved slow and carefully, measuring each of my movements, waiting to see if I was okay.

Her fingertips glided over the inside creases of my legs, until she floated inward and grazed my center.

A begging moan slipped from my lips. _Just moan when it feels good. _She'd said it moments earlier. But I didn't want to take the chance of her not catching on. So I scooted closer. I shuffled my body down until I felt her knuckles bump into my wetness.

Her hand flipped over and she slipped the inside of her finger up my folds, until her two middle fingers were pressing against my mound. She started small circles.

Her right hand worked on my clit and her left hand rested on my thigh. As her circles moved faster, that free hand would pinch tighter against my skin.

I was letting out small breaths now. Both wanting _more, _and fighting to keep myself from peaking. Her hand stopped pinching my thigh, and her fingers stopped their circles.

Two fingers pushed inside me and her palm bumped against the sensitive mound she'd just manipulated. The breath I let out in response was heavy and whimpering. Every time she pushed her fingers inside of me I'd let out the same pleasured noise.

Her fingers retracted, and pushed back deeper. The small of my back arched and I clutched the sheets I was lying on.

Her fingers thrust faster. _Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. _It was the only noise I could make. Each time her fingers went deeper and I felt myself clinch tighter around them.

She started to drift her other hand up my thigh. It nicked over my hip, slithered up my side, and stopped at the bottom of my bikini top.

Her hand squeezed under the top. With her body now leaning over me she continued to pump her fingers, while she pushed her other hand over my breast.

My entire body froze. I went stiff. My throat caught all the pleasure, hitched, twisted it, and shoved it back down to my stomach. My legs went rigid and started to cramp.

Brittany immediately noticed to reaction. She jerked her hand away from under my top and pulled her fingers out from me.

"Scoot back here Santana." She tapped against the headboard on her bed. "Here, I'll help you sit up."

I didn't even need to respond for her to hug around my body, lift me up, and scoot me backwards. My back pressed against the white metal bars at the top of her bed. They only reached up to my lower back. As I shuffled and Brittany helped me scoot, the rest of her pillows fell off and the sheet slid to the floor.

She went to lean back out of her grasping hug, but I clung on desperately. All I could think about was some doctor stabbing me in the chest with a knife and then shoving shit into my skin. The instant Brittany had touched my chest, I short-circuited. And even though I feel pathetic, I won't let go of her.

She returned to her hug. Her body pushed into mine as she sat down on her knees next to me, and she pulled me into her. I felt my mouth press against her collarbone as I frantically tried to catch my breath. It felt like my entire throat was closing, my lungs were on fire, my body was aching from cramping.

So I clung even tighter. "I'm so sorry." I muttered into her shirt. It was ridiculous what I was doing. I'm freaking her out. I know it. I'd been so good lately. Last night we did some pretty crazy things, and I didn't freak out in the slightest. _How the hell is Brittany going to touch me after this? _

"No," She petted through my hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But it's fine. You're fine."

I was starting to calm down. I felt my heart slow its frantic tumbling and my throat starting to allow some oxygen in. Soon enough, my breaths were deep and controlled. "I'm fine." I said it, but didn't let go of Brittany.

"Okay." She mumbled.

I'd grown focused on her hair. It had kept my mind from replaying what had happened, and helped me finish calming. It smelled like hose water and kiwi. And it was soft and airy, not soft and calm like it is when she gets out of the shower. "You smell good." I said it without intending too. The words just formed themselves.

Brittany dropped her arms from around me and leaned back. I let go of her, not wanting to end up looking too desperate.

She inspected me with her eyes. She examined my face, and when she dropped her eyes down to my chest, my heart pumped heavy for a couple of beats. Then her eyes dropped down to my naked lap. She didn't linger long, and just looked back up at my face. "What happened?" The tone of her voice broke my heart. "Did I do something wrong? Sorry, I've only done this stuff with you before so I don't know if I'm doing it right. From the sound of it, I thought you liked it…" She had to hold her breath to stop herself from continuing.

I shook my head frantically. "No. Britt it's nothing you did. I'm fine really." _Fuck, how do I explain this? _That was probably one of the weirdest and worst panic attacks I've had. Not to mention it was _during. _I've never had that happen _during. _"I just, got, just," I couldn't find an explanation that didn't involve my surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning. So I decided to skip over the explanation part and focus on what else she had said. "I did like it. A lot. You were doing it all right." I shifted, not really sure what else to say. "Sometimes I'm not used to it." That was true…maybe only a half-truth, but still it's all that I can give her right now. "I-I…With guys, they don't do this stuff, so I'm kind of not used to it."

"Is it bad?" Brittany didn't seem to understand what I was saying. Who could blame her though, she's probably freaking out.

"No. No. It's good." I stopped, took a breath, and forced myself to continue. I needed to give her some sort of explanation no matter how pathetic it was. "All this stuff," an awkward gulp interrupted my sentence. I started over. "All this stuff we _do…_is new to me too. And the things you make me feel are new." Holy shit, I can't believe I'm telling her this. "I've never…" I omitted the word. "…with a guy." I examined her again, not sure if she had understood. I tried my explanation again. "It's always quick with guys, and all about them."

"Oh." She finally got it. Her face registered my meaning and I saw it splay all across her face. Her eyes widened a little in surprise.

_I'm an idiot. _Like that explanation was better than just saying, _I'm having a boob job tomorrow and when you touched my boob I freaked a little. _I'm such an idiot. _First, my extended explanation to Quinn about why I was having the surgery in the first place, and now this?_ I just admitted one of the most personal things in my life. It's like I try to hide something, and then something worse blurts itself out.

"Well," she gulped. "Me too. That night I came home drunk and we woke up super early was the first time I'd ever…had one." She didn't say the _word _either. "It'd felt good with guys I guess, but not that good…" She tucked her lips into her mouth again. "Was it the dirty talking?"

I let out a sighed laugh. It felt good. "I liked the dirty talk. It was hot. We should definitely try things like that more often." I said. _Good, bring up doing it again. _If she knows that I want to keep doing it, she won't think it was her fault. But I can't keep freaking out like this. That surgery tomorrow will fix things. It has too.

"Like I can wear my motorcycle helmet?" She _suggested_.

I laughed again. "I'm not sure if I'm into the whole S and M thing. The helmet thing sounds like we'd need something dangerous to justify it. I wouldn't be opposed to tying you up though."

Brittany smiled again and that blush from earlier crept back up her neck.

"All right." I slapped her legs. "Let's get you dressed and packed."

**XXXxxxxXXXXxxXXx**

We were on our way back. The race was actually pretty cool, and unlike some sports, it's not that complicated to understand. People just race around a dirt track and the first one wins. Brittany did well. Not first place, but second in both of her races. I spent most of the time gawking at how fast she was riding her bike, and teasing a group of young teenage boys near the bottom of the bleachers. I'd bend over and let my shirt hang, daring them to take a glance at my cleavage. I'd sit with my legs on the row in front of me, so my shorts would creep higher on my legs. And then when they'd look back, I'd alter between a threatening glare and a coy smile. All in all, it was a good day's work.

I pulled Finn's truck into the Taco Bell drive-thru. We were hungry, and it was well past dinner time. Finn had let us (I made him) borrow his truck to carry Brittany's bike. He loaded it up for us before we left, and then Brittany was able to get it up and down after that.

"Let's pretend like famous people are in the car." Brittany said to me from the passenger seat.

"_Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order." _A woman spoke through the speaker.

"Can we get this order to go?" Brittany leaned over me and spoke robotically out my window.

"…_Yeah."_

"I just want two soft tacos." I spoke out the window and looked back toward Brittany. She was back in her own seat. "And you?"

"Tell her I want a Super Crisp Exploder." Brittany said with a straight face.

I cocked an eyebrow. "That's not even real."

"Yes it is. I saw a commercial." Brittany defended herself.

"Why would they name something that?" I was still apprehensive.

She just shrugged.

I eyed her suspiciously before turning back out my window. "Could I get a…super," I paused and looked back at Brittany.

"Super Crisp Exploder." She whispered.

I turned back out the window. "A Super Crisp Exploder…"

The second I said it, Brittany let out a laughed snort. I jerked back towards her and playfully slapped her shoulder. "Britt!"

She ignored me and leaned back over my lap. "Can I just get a Quesadilla? With chicken. Lots of chicken."

"_Anything else? Anything to drink? Any hot or mild sauce?" _

"Two waters. And two of each sauce." I responded. I turned back and looked at Brittany, a devilishly guilty grin covering her face. "You want anything else?" I tried to sound sassy and angry, but a smile had crept up my face halfway through the question.

She just shook her head _no. _

The lady told us our total, we drove up to the window, picked up our food, and started driving back towards my house. Finn was supposed to meet me there to pick up his truck, and by the looks of the clock (10:14p.m.) we're about forty-five minutes late.

When I pulled up into Brittany's driveway, Finn lumbered out of a car that was parked in the road. And as expected, Rachel Berry came tumbling after.

"Hey guys." Finn waved as he approached. He reached back and grabbed Rachel's hand.

"You guys are almost an hour late." Rachel snapped at us. "We've been sitting in my car all this time. A simple phone call would have sufficed. Instead my dads are probably up worrying about my return, since I told them I wouldn't be long."

"We had special stuff to do." Brittany shrugged and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Why didn't you guys just fuck in the car or something?" I rounded the truck until I was standing next to Brittany, and Finn and Rachel were in front of us. "Then again, that probably wouldn't have taken up much of your time."

Rachel coughed and choked on her spit after I finished my sentence. Finn just stood there with his jaw dropped.

"There there." Brittany leaned forward and softly patted Rachel's back. "Raise your hand. Like this." Brittany raised her left hand in the air. "It helps."

"W-what?" Rachel tried to clear her throat.

"It does." Brittany lowered her hand.

Finally Rachel stopped her annoying cough. "I thought the teacher just told you that when you were little so she would know when you were choking?"

I turned and looked at Brittany and exchanged a shrug with her.

"So, uh," Finn interrupted. "How'd you're race go? Didya win?"

"Britt got second." I held up two fingers.

"Twice." Brittany held up two fingers as well.

"So you're headed out of town tomorrow right?" Finn looked at Brittany.

"Sure am. Gonna motocross over all there lame asses." Brittany smiled.

"Which means," I said. "Can you take this bike out? We're tired." I pointed to the back of Finn's truck.

"Oh, of course." Finn jumped at my command and started to un-strap the bungee cords that fit snug around Brittany's bike.

"When I was little," Brittany spoke to Rachel, "I was biting my nails, and inhaled a piece. It was awful. And sharp. One second everything was fine, and then the next second I was choking on a little tiny knife."

I decided to keep my attention focused on Finn, in case he did something stupid and dropped her dirt bike.

"Uh," Rachel stuttered, obviously a little thrown by the randomness of Brittany. "Did you learn to stop biting your nails…?"

"No, but I learned to stop inhaling them." Brittany said matter-of-factly. "Soon enough you'll learn your lesson."

Rachel and Brittany continued to talk. Brittany confident in her quirky statements, and Rachel hesitant and unsure of how to respond half of the time, which was actually amazing. If Brittany would just talked to her the entire time during glee rehearsal, I wouldn't have to listen to her annoying interjections and suggestions.

As soon as Finn unloaded everything, Brittany and I went inside her house. We put the dirt bike in her back yard, we locked all the doors, got ready for bed, and curled up on her bed with the TV on. Brittany still had dirt stains on her face from where her goggles were, but I didn't say anything. It was kind of cute.

And when Brittany laid her head on my chest, hugged my waist, and focused her attention on the TV, I didn't panic this time. The way she had teased me in the drive-thru, even the little conversation we'd had with Rachel and Finn, had helped pull me away from my panic. It kind of lightened my mood. I know that's not going to be the case tomorrow morning when Quinn picks me up, but for now, it's the best I can do.

"Hey Britt?" I said before my eyes completely closed and I drifted to sleep.

"Yeah." She spoke into the tank top covering my chest.

"When do you get back again?" I wanted to make sure my days were straight. I wanted to be one-hundred percent by the time she returned.

"My parents are picking me up at six in the morning." I could hear how tired she was, just by listening to the way she spoke her words. "And then I'll be back in five days." She lifted her head and looked at me. The movement from her woke me from my half-sleep. "You're okay house-sitting? And feeding Lord Tubbington? I can stay if you're not." And just when I thought I'd be able to forget about my little panic attack, she directed the conversation straight for it.

"It's totally cool. Me and you're cat are super tight. And you have a race to go to." I said to her.

"I can just dump out a whole bag of cat food, and leave like four litter boxes around the house. You can come if you want?" She asked.

"Sue needs me for some cheer stuff Britt. And I won't have time to pack, or ask my parents. Plus, I'm the only one who you trust with your cat." I smiled and tried to reassure her. I'd left out the part about my _surgery, _but by the time she's back I'll have the confidence and words to explain myself.

"Are you talking dirty?" Brittany smiled and pinched her lips together. Her sentence mimicked my exact words to her earlier today. "Each time you say something about my cat it sounds a little dirty."

"No…" I laughed.

She laid her head back down on my chest. "Just call me then. And text so I don't get lonely."

"'Kay." A heavy wave of tiredness swept through my body, begging me to fall asleep. "I will."

"And don't let Lord Tubbington get away with stuff. He knows what he can and can't do." Her lips moved against my chest as she spoke.

"'Kay." I was too tired to say any more than that.


	3. Yellow Rose With Thorns

**Chapter 3 : Yellow Rose With Thorns**

I should have known better. _Did I honestly think I'd have a good night's sleep?_ _That exhaustion would consume me and my brain would shut off?_ I was able to sleep for a few hours, but now my brain is ticking through thoughts, what-if scenarios, explanations, and reasons like an old frantic typewriter.

_What if they look bad? _I can just fix them. Another surgery will fix that. If they can be put in, they can be taken out.

_What if they look super hot? _I'll get the attention I want. Guys will be forced to take a second look at me and they'll approach me for entirely new reasons. It's the exact thing I need to help sort everything out. If Kurt had girls all over him, there's no way people would _assume _anything. The same thing applies for me. If guys are all over me, nobody will think twice about Brittany and me. It will give me so much more time and space to figure this shit out.

I just want to be careful with everything that's happening between me and Brittany. Careful not to let her get hurt. She's carefree and people know that. This kind of _secret _doesn't hold as much weight on her as it does on me. Someone could hear that Brittany kissed a girl and think, _Yeah, so. Brittany does what she wants._ But if she's linked to me, and people find out…If my family finds out, the school, her family. I can't even begin to imagine what will happen. Brittany's just too innocent to have to deal with such judgmental criticism.

When we were little the two of us used to sit in her parents' garden and bury things. We'd bury food mostly, but we'd also replant all of the flowers. But there was one flower we didn't touch, because Brittany said it was just like us and if we moved it then might get lost. She said that I was the pokey thorns that kept the bugs away and that she was the yellow top, because her hair was blonde.

I'm not the same person as Brittany.

That's always been true. The harsh things I say and do to other people are for one reason, and one reason only. I mean, look what happened to Puckerman when he shaved his Mohawk. If I lose my thorns people will eat me alive. It's kill or be killed and if I show any sign of weakness or vulnerability people will pounce on me quicker than a starving lion.

And what's a yellow rose without its thorns?

_What if Brittany's mad afterward? _She won't be. Maybe at first. But she won't be. She'll understand. I'll find the words to make her understand.

And everything keeps coming back to Brittany. I know it's crazy what I'm doing. I know she'll be upset at first. She'll wonder why I didn't tell her, why I had to hide it, and why I did it in the first place. But I can't tell her now. I can't shake her shoulder, wake her up, and tell her strangers will be ripping into my chest in less than four hours. She looks so peaceful.

Her fingers are interlocked beneath me with half of her body on top of me. She's squeezing around my waist possessively. Underneath the combined weight of the two of us I can feel her knuckles digging into the middle of my back. Her face is nuzzled into my own and her sleeping breaths rhythmically slip down the nape of my neck. Her nose is flat against the soft skin that prickles whenever she gets close to it; it's a spot she's recently found and a spot that causes me to pinch my legs together whenever I think about her touching it.

I've been staring at the same spot on the ceiling since the second I woke up. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness so well, that I can now make shapes out of the popcorn bumps in the ceiling. In between my internal rants and justifications I sometimes find a tree or spell out someone's name in the bumps staring down at me.

The pacing of her breaths changed. Instead of it slipping down my neck, the air bumped into my ear. Another breath followed that bump. Then words followed it.

"You're awake." She whispered so softly the only reason I heard her was because her house was dead silent and her lips were now touching the folds of my ear.

"Yeah." My voice sounded foreign within the dark confines of her room. I'd lain awake in my own silence for so long that I had forgotten what it sounded like.

The wetness of her lips lightly touched in front of my ear. She paused and held her kiss. "Aren't you sleepy?" Her lips moved against that tingling spot she'd just removed her lips from.

"Yeah." This time I could hear the delicacy in my words. Her kiss had ignited way too many emotions at once. It felt like all my thoughts were trying to squeeze through the same door at once. I had to force myself to speak carefully and evenly, but when the word left my mouth it sounded far too controlled.

Her kisses always turned me on. Lying in bed with her, alone in an empty house, in the middle of the night made me want to touch her. It made me want to sneak my hand inside her underwear and push my fingers so deep inside her that I could hear her moans echo throughout the empty house. And now with her lips brushing against me, it made that _want _even stronger.

But after what happened earlier today, and with what's happening in a few hours, I'm not sure if I _can _without breaking down again. And I'm not sure Brittany will let me. There are only so many times I can freak out, before she decides to close her legs.

"Well close your eyes silly and think about boring things." She said and kissed the spot in front of my ear for a second time. "Like school. Or Mr. Shue's speeches." I felt her hands unclasp from behind my back. She pulled just one out from underneath me and rested it flat on top of my stomach. "Think of things that aren't important." Her body weight shifted. She slid off of me, until her chest pressed into my shoulder, her knees tucked in and her thighs hugged the outside of my thigh.

"Yeah. Right." The sarcasm from my words bit into my tongue.

From the corner of my eye I could see her staring straight through me. Her eyes flitted over different features of my face. She was trying to find an answer for my insomnia without having to ask for it. "What are you thinking about?" Her question was simple. She wasn't trying to dig. She was trying to help.

"Tomorrow. Well, today I guess." I responded. It was true, but not revealing.

Her hand lifted from my stomach until her fingertips were touching my jaw line and she was using them to trace and tickle below my cheek. Again, it felt like she was looking for an answer there. One she could just find with her hands, and one she didn't have to force out of me. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

Immediately I shook my head _no_ and she tucked her fingers into a fist from the sudden movement. I pulled away from her and turned so I was facing her and resting my head on a balled up fist. She mimicked and mirrored my exact position. Her hand balled up and pushed into her cheek, while her elbow propped her head up. "No Britt. It's fine." I laughed softly just to reassure her and lighten the situation. "I'm fine. I promise. Your parents are coming to pick you up in a few hours. You can't tell them to turn around after they left their vacation." I reached my hand out and pinched a crumpled piece of her tank top near her hip. I focused on straightening the fabric, instead of the fact that I was giving Brittany false reassurance about how I was _fine. _

Her eyes moved down my arm until they stopped and watched my hand fiddle with her top. "I guess." She mumbled.

"Britts. You love racing." I stopped toying with the fabric and rested my hand on top of her hip. "You've been looking forward to this."

She attempted a shrug, but since she was using half of her body to support herself, it just looked like she was rolling her shoulder.

"What's that for?" I raised an eyebrow and with it followed the lifting of the corner of my lip.

"But I want you to go." Her bottom lip jutted out, until she quickly retracted it and bit it with her teeth.

_This is about me_…My heart twisted and for a second I thought it was going to stop beating all together. The thought of Brittany sacrificing something she loves so much for something this petty, my stupid panicking, is ridiculous.

_I can show her I'm fine, cant I? _She must be worried about leaving me after what happened earlier today. That's silly though. The last thing I want her to worry about is _me. _

I started to rub my hand up her side. And then back down. I moved up to her ribs, and then slid my hand back down to her hip. "Roll over Britt." I stopped my rubbing and patted her hip. "On your stomach."

She listened without second guessing. It wasn't in her nature to question me, or question things I asked her to do. Another reason why I loved her so very much.

I pushed myself up and swung on leg over her body.

She hugged and buried her face into one of the pillows as I sat on her. My center straddled her butt. "You need to stop worrying about stuff." I told her. I pushed my hands into her shoulder blades and started to work my thumbs into the stiff muscles. "And you need to be relaxed and loose for your race tomorrow."

She turned her face out from the pillow and rested on her cheek. I continued to massage. The fabric of her tank top twisted underneath my fingers. I slipped my hands out from her spine and down until my finger tips bumped into the mattress. Then I'd pull the skin back with me until I met again in the middle of her back.

Her body felt amazing beneath me. I loved everything about making her feel good, even if it wasn't sexual. _Though I'm beginning to wonder how sexual this massage might get. _

I'd worked from the bottom of her neck, all the way down to the small of her back. Now it was time to find another spot I had yet to touch.

I laid down on top of her, rested my chest against her back, and tucked my hands so they looped beneath and underneath her chest. Softly I started to manipulate the muscles there. I worked them between my fingers. And as I did this I kept my lips and forehead pressed against her back.

When I'd worked all of those muscles, I guided my hands a little lower until the stopped just above the elastic of her underwear.

I could go lower. I could touch her. Please her. _But what if I couldn't?_ I wanted to so desperately. My body was begging me to touch her, feel if she was wet, force little noises out of her. But something was holding me back. The same thing that was begging me to touch her was also begging me not to.

So I stopped. I scooted up on her body until my lips pushed against the back of her neck. "Is that better?" I hugged my arms around her, just as possessively as she had done to me earlier. And before she had time to respond I started to kiss the back of her neck again. That was something I could do. I could kiss.

But unlike her, I didn't press my lips softly to her. I took her skin into my mouth and started to nibble, kiss, and suck it. I moved around swiftly, careful not to leave a mark. This wasn't about showing off something, or leaving evidence. I'm not even sure what it was about to be honest.

I started higher. My lips manipulated the dip between her ear and her shoulder. And each time I changed the spot I was kissing, my hands squeezed and my nails dug into her skin.

I scooted up so I was now straddling the middle of her back. I had to crane my neck down to find spots, but this way I was able to move easier, quicker, more tactical. I cupped both hands on either side where her breasts were and gingerly massaged with my fingers, and in turn worked my mouth against her heated neck. My kisses were ragged, passionate.

I started to push into her. My fingers gripped into the skin on the outside of her breasts, I rocked my hips, and pushed my center into her back. Each time I kissed I would relax my hips, but each time I took a breath I'd force and drive the growing sensitive spot between my legs deeper into her.

It got to the point where I couldn't bring myself to pull away. So I started to grind into the dip in her back.

My breathing was ragged and broken. And so was hers. Her breaths were rough and in sync with my grinding.

"Let me help." She said. Her words were throaty. It was difficult to understand her through my grinding pants and the lust weighing down her words.

"I can do it." I responded quickly. My voice was just as breathless and guttural.

I'd dug myself a hole. I couldn't stop, but I couldn't let her roll over and push her fingers into me.

But in between my rocking I had figured it out. If I could do it myself, without her touching me, and show her that I was fine with this kind of intimacy, then maybe she'd be fine and stop worrying about me.

I gave up all together on kissing against the back of her neck. Instead I kept my lips close to her cheek that she had turned toward me and continued to grind against her back. I slid hard. Up her back. And then I strained and pushed back down her back.

I tried to kiss her neck again, but my lips shook and broke away.

_I cant. _I stopped. All at once. I stopped my rocking. As much as I wanted to get off, and prove to her that I was fine, I couldn't _use _her. And deep down, even though that wasn't what this was about, it felt like I was using her to get off.

"Want me to help?" Brittany spoke up at my sudden cessation and restraint.

_Fuck. _Yes I do. _Let her do it. _

We both held still and waited for me to say something.

I forced myself to say these next words, even though I wanted so desperately to say them. "Yes."

I let her roll over underneath me as I sat on all fours above her. My heart was pounding. I was out of breath. My body was hyper-sensitive. I needed to finish. But I also needed to keep myself under control. I can't let my thoughts overwhelm me. I can't freak out.

_Just focus on coming. _Don't think about anything else.

I could feel how close I was. My legs were on fire. My clit was swollen against the constricting fabric of my underwear. I knew I was wet. I could feel the fabric sticking to me.

I closed my eyes. If I'm going to keep under control it'll be easier not to look.

She grabbed onto my thighs and slid her hand up.

One hand cupped my center. My body went rigid.

She squeezed. Everything within me froze.

She squeezed again. I came.

My body held firm, everything tightened. My nerve endings stung with the pleasure they'd been impatiently waiting for. Even though it came so quickly from her touch, my body shuddered. A gasp trembled through my lips.

She held her hand curved over my underwear and firm against the tender nerves still twanging beneath that underwear. And I held stiff. Even as I started to gently come down from my climax, I kept my eyes forced shut and my body motionless.

Her arms wrapped around me and she yanked me down on top of her. The pull caught me off guard and she was able to squeeze me into a tight bear hug.

I could feel my face starting to heat up. _What did I just do? _I can't believe I almost self-pleasured myself against Brittany. I'm a sexual person, but even that's a little more revealing and intimate than I'm used to.

At least my face is tucked away into her shoulder. At least I can hide some of the embarrassment.

"We forgot to pack your stuff." I said into her shoulder. The recognition hit me like a ton of bricks. Thankfully. It was able to completely void my mind of what just happened and fill it with the knowledge that her parents were going to be here in the morning, and they'd show up to an unpacked daughter and an irresponsible best friend that was supposed to help her.

"I packed stuff while you were sleeping." Brittany said back.

I'd only been sleeping for a few hours, so she must have been both quick and quiet. "Oh. Good." I sounded disappointed when I spoke those words, but I couldn't figure out why.

"But I didn't pack everything." She squeezed around me even tighter.

Maybe she didn't pack everything, because she got bored, because she didn't know what to pack, or because she didn't want to go...Or thought she might not be going.

"I'll finish for you." I pushed myself up and climbed off both her and her bed.

She sat up, hung her legs off the mattress, and watched me dig through her dressers. "I'll be back in a few days. And I'll text you and call." She said.

A sigh of relief escaped my chest. It must have worked. That little stunt I just pulled must have convinced her that I was fine. "Okay Britt." I turned and smiled at her.

The instant her eyes caught my face, I could feel my cheeks starting to heat up again. They were burning as the blush crawled from the corner of my eyes and down my neck. I still couldn't believe what I'd just done. _I'm usually hesitant and shy about what we do in the first place, so when did it become okay for me to pleasure myself so openly like that?_

As if she were reading my mind Brittany shifted on the bed and started speaking. Her words were hesitant. "I liked that."

Those words caused my stomach and every other organ inside my body to somersault. "Liked what?" I played dumb. It was easier to have her say it, than for me to already know what she was talking about and acknowledge that I knew.

"What you did. It was hot." When I looked over at her, she redirected her eyes and found something to look at in the dark room. "It felt good."

I didn't know what to say, so I just kept quiet. I nodded a little, but I knew it was too little and too dark in the room for her to have seen it.

"You can do that stuff more often. If you like it. Cause I like it." She stuttered and fumbled over her words.

_What's with confessions recently? _My confessions to Quinn, to Brittany earlier, and now this.

"Okay." I folded a few tank tops over my arm and set them on her dresser. "You can too." Again my organs twisted. _Did she want to now? _"Do you want me to...with you. Cause I can. Help you." I felt like an idiot for asking. I felt like a nerdy little freak who didn't know what to do or how to please someone. I should have reciprocated right away, and now I'm standing in her room as if I were an awkward teenage little boy not knowing what to do or touch.

"I'm sleepy." She yawned. I smiled at her honesty. And suddenly her recent confession about liking what I did, didn't seem so out of place. Brittany's always been honest. "I'll get you milk so you can sleep. But Puckerman told me that orgasms help you fall asleep."

I snorted and laughed. "Orgasms help him fall asleep. Or guys in general." I could feel myself lighten a little. "I'm just going to finish folding a few more things." I reached in her dresser and pulled out a few pairs of her underwear.

"Be right back with milk." She jumped off the bed and raced through her room. A soft thud echoed through the floor as she jumped over something. "And she leaps over the final cat hurdle." Brittany spoke like a one of those crazy fanatic sports announcers.

I turned and watched her cat only slightly fidget from the intrusive noise, before he curled back into himself and fell asleep.

**XXXxxxXXXxxXXxxxX**

"Hey." A soft voice whispered through my mind. I knew I was sleeping, but I couldn't remember the dream. The voice that had spoken to me woke me instantly. Someone shook my shoulders. "Santana."

I opened my eyes. Brittany was standing over me wearing her _Fox _racing shirt and a matching pair of pants. Underneath her arm was her cat, holding on for dear life. "What Britt?" I could feel the sleepiness in my voice dragging down at my words.

"Here's Lord Tubbington." She set the cat on the bed next to me. The mattress shifted a considerable amount underneath his weight. "He doesn't like to be alone when I'm not home."

"Hm?" I shoved my palms into my eyes and tried to wake myself up.

"My parents are waiting outside for me in the car. I've got to run." She leaned down and wrapped one arm around my neck before pulling me into a gentle hug. Nothing like the bear hug she had given me just a few hours before.

"Okay." My voice was still heavy and groggy. I returned the hug with both of my arms wrapped around her waist.

She leaned back up. "I have my phone on. So just text me when you wake up. I'll probably still be in the car."

"What time is it?" I sat up and continued to rub my eyes.

Instead of answering Brittany handed me my phone. _5:13AM. _"Okay. I'll text you." I smiled.

She squatted down, picked up her duffel bag, and hoisted it over her shoulder. "Bye."

As soon as she stepped out of her door sleep started to consume me again. I'm a little grateful for being out of it when she said her goodbye. It made the reality of everything that was supposed to happen soon a little less real.

My phone jarred on my chest. I jolted up. Lord Tubbington flew off the bed and skittered away. I picked up the phone, Quinn was calling. "Hello." I said through the line.

"_I'm here. At Britt's. Let me in. Or come outside. I've been ringing the doorbell for the past five minutes." _Her words were short and filled with annoyance and impatience.

"Yeah. Okay." I hung up the phone and lumbered out of Brittany's bed. I checked the time on my phone. _7:30AM. _

As I walked, my feet felt heavy, but my eyes felt even heavier. I could tell my body wanted me to forget about doing the surgery. But my mind was made up. It was the day of. After what happened last night, and after how hard I had to work to keep myself from freaking out, there's no way I won't go through with the surgery. Brittany deserves a friend who isn't self-conscious and selfish. She deserves someone who can stand up for her within crumpling like a pathetic crybaby.

I twisted the front door handle and pulled it open. Quinn was standing on the porch holding an iced coffee and harboring pinched lips and narrowed eyes. "What are you doing Santana?" She snapped. "Are you not going through with it? You're not even ready and we need to leave now or you'll be late."

"Oh." I looked down at myself. I was wearing a tight camisole and my underwear. I didn't even have a bra on. And then I looked up at her. She looked perfectly put together. A simple yellow summer dress and her hair pulled into a tight pony. Exactly as she had done when she was on _Cheerios. _"I was just going to toss on some sweats." I stepped back and let her inside the house. "I'll be right back."

I scurried away, just as Lord Tubbington had done when I jolted awake from Quinn's phone call. I wound up the stairs, darted into Brittany's room and started to scramble about. I needed to find the perfect clothes. _What does someone where to a boob job? _

"Wear those shorts." A voice spoke from the door. I turned to see Quinn standing in the hallway. She was pointing to a pair of folded shorts on the dresser. The shorts were Brittany's, but both of us knew that didn't really matter.

I walked over and grabbed the shorts.

Quinn stepped into the room and picked up a sweatshirt from the floor. "And here." She handed it to me. "This should be fine."

"Thanks." I said softly, not sure if she had heard me.

I started to pull the sweatshirt over my head, again it was Brittany's.

"I'm just going to say this one final time and I promise I won't say anything more. But are you sure you need to do this? We're not even out of high school yet."

"It's already paid for." I said and pulled the sweatshirt completely over my head. My eyes caught and ran across the bed. Sheets were tossed on the floor and the pillows were everywhere. It sure as hell didn't look like a bed someone had _only slept _in.

I continued talking and looked back at Quinn before she to noticed the bed, and in turn made an assumption. "It's really not that big of a deal. It'll take a couple of hours. I'm in and out." I paused and walked over to a mirror in Brittany's room. "I want to do this." I began to fix my hair and pull it into a pony-tail, just like Quinn's. "I've made up my mind."

From the mirror I made eye contact with Quinn. She smiled, but it was deflated and defeated. She knew I was stubborn and it would only piss me off to keep talking. So she just _smiled_.

We arrived at the clinic no more than fifteen minutes later. I sat in the waiting room with Quinn. My phone was tightly pinched between my palms. I had been thinking and searching and searching and searching for the right thing to text Brittany. Instead, I sat in the fake leather chair and shifted uncomfortably. My thighs peeled from the _pleather_ each time I moved.

Quinn was in the chair across from me. Her nose buried in a magazine. I could tell she looked a little uncomfortable, but I guess anybody would be a little uncomfortable inside this place. It felt empty and deserted. The only sign of life was from the secretary behind the counter, who just typed away on her computer. The phone didn't ring, people didn't walk in, nurses didn't walk around. My dad was right when he said this place was _private. _

I flipped open my phone and started a text to Brittany.

_Hey..._

I deleted it.

_Hi. _

I deleted it again.

_Hope you do well today. I think ur cat is mad at me. I scared him on accident._

I sent the text and shoved the phone into the pocket on my (Brittany's) sweatshirt.

"Are you going to come back with me?" I asked Quinn. I wasn't sure about how things worked and when they called my name I didn't want that awkwardness of her not knowing what she was doing. Staying or coming.

"I can." She didn't look up from her magazine. "If you want. They'll probably just have you put on a gown and start an IV. It takes a while for all that to happen and you'll probably be sitting in your gown for at least an hour or so." She looked up at me, her eyes wide, like she'd said something wrong. "I think. That's what I'd assume anyway. Doctors offices always take forever."

My phone vibrated before I could respond to Quinn. I opened it.

_Give him milk. Not 2 much or he might poop everywhere. The car is boring. My parents are listening to old songs._

Another text from her arrived.

_Nevermind. Now its a good song. About birds. I'll text you the lyrics as they sing. Its kinda slow so I might be able to keep up_

I looked up at Quinn. She was still watching me. "You can come back...if it's going to take them that long." I said.

She nodded and returned to her magazine.

"I put Nair in Rachel's lotion the other day. When she left her purse inside Brittany's house." I announced. I needed to say something. I had to say something, anything.

Quinn laughed, but didn't look up from her magazine. "I was wondering what you were doing. I forgot to ask."

My phone vibrated.

_And the songbirds r singing like they know the score_

I didn't recognize the song. I've never really been much for the music that her parents listen to.

"Ms. Lopez." A male's voice called from a door that led into the back.

My phone vibrated again.

_I can't text that fast. The songs already over and I forgot the lyrics. Google it. _

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and stood up. Quinn echoed my movement and we started towards the nurse.

"You can leave all your stuff in that locker." The male nurse said after we wound around through a few back halls. "Hair bands. Watches. Phones. Just so you don't lose track of that stuff."

I nodded. And pulled out my phone. I wanted to respond to Brittany, but it'll have to wait. I set the phone in the locker, took out my pony-tail, and continued with the man down the hall. Quinn right behind me.

**XXXxxxxXXXxx**

**A/N: I struggled with the decision about the song Brittany texted to Santana. I almost didn't include it, but in the end decided 'why the hell not'. If anything, it adds even more to that scene in season 2. I just thought it was cute. My intentions with this story and all it's sequels are to keep close to canon. But sometimes I do take a few liberties and do add a few things that differ, or might be interpreted differently. If it 'can' fit with the show, then I have no problem writing it. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, because I like how it turned out. Next chapter gets into the 'big' stuff. It's the chapter I've been anticipating from the beginning. **

**Please let me know what you thought. Small details, the chapter as a whole. Anything. I love feedback and input. :)**


	4. Of Course

**A/N: Wooooaaahhh mamma this is a long one. Well, a little longer than normal. Enjoy :) **

**Chapter 4 : Of Course**

**_Quinn's POV_**

I kept the magazine on the same page. I'd already flipped through it three times and this page had the most words. At least this way I could look as if I were reading. Well, to an idiot it might look as of I were reading, and to someone undergoing a cosmetic surgery any minute, it might look as if I were reading.

Santana sat in that stupid leather chair. The one that looks like they got it used from an old blood bank. It was meant to be comfortable and to make patients _feel _as if they were making the right decision. So as Santana was sucked into the comfort of the over-sized leather, I kept my eyes locked onto page twenty-three.

"Do you think it'll hurt?" Santana spoke. It was the first time she had said something since we'd walked into this room. I was right when I had said she'd be taken back here and put on hold. _Of course I was._ It must have been forty minutes, before she mustered up the courage and spoke. And even after those forty minutes, she wasn't able to control the nerves in her voice. Those nerves shook her words and made her sound as if she were sitting in a massage chair.

"Didn't the doctor explain everything?" I tried to keep this about her. _Her, her, her, her. _I didn't want to _share. _I didn't want to explain things that I somehow knew. I especially didn't want to delve back into old emotions and uncertainties.

"I wasn't listening. It didn't seem important at the time."

Finally I looked up from the magazine. Santana was fiddling with her fingers. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she was wearing one of those gowns. They thought those gowns made patients feel clothed. No. They were thin and I'm pretty confident in believing that if you look hard enough at one spot, they might be see-through.

"Uh," I cleared my throat. "Probably a little after." Santana didn't look up. I've never seen her look so, _pathetic. _So child-like. So vulnerable. She looked as if she were about to crack into a million pieces, but at the same time she looked as if she were ready to sweep up those million pieces. "They gave me this for you." I held up a small piece of paper that'd I'd used as a bookmark in my magazine. "A prescription. So that'll help. I'll pick it up while they're doing _it_." I set the paper back down on top of page twenty-three. "You can," I laughed a little. "You can sell the extra ones to Puckerman. He's a moron so I have no doubt he'll pay too much."

She laughed. _Finally_. I was beginning to think I'd gotten myself into something I couldn't handle. And don't get me wrong. I can handle Santana. I can handle her pissy attitude, her bitchiness, and I can handle every little backstabbing thing she's ever done to me. But I'm not sure how to handle _this _side of her. It was all a little too real and a little too scary.

"When's Britt get back?" I moved back into my magazine before either she or I said something friendly. I still need to keep her at a distance. I know next year's going to be a little chaotic with regards to _Cheerios _and the spot of head cheerleader. I wasn't kidding when I told her I'd get my spot back.

I could hear her gulp from across the room. It echoed of the cold linoleum and spilled into my ears. "A few days."

_Does she know? _I knew the answer, and that question would only spark a distasteful conversation. As much as I didn't like this side of Santana, it's not like I want to be bitched at or snapped at. I'd much rather keep things slightly awkward, and quiet.

The door opened and an older man stepped in. Hair was missing from the top of his head and the hair that was left was salt and pepper. His glasses were small and thick. Like tiny magnifying glasses. And the shoulder seams on his blue scrubs hung a little further down on his arm than they should have.

"Miss Lopez." He walked over to the seat and held out his hand. It looked just as cold as the thin fabric covering Santana. "Nice to meet you." He glanced over at me. "This is a friend?" He looked over his shoulder at Santana as he approached me. His words sounded distant and distracted as if he were displeased that he got _stuck_ coming in here. I could feel knots filling my throat. _Could he tell? Could he see signs or traits? _He does this for a living, so he has to know what it looks like afterward.

"Quinn." I stood up. The magazine fell from my lap along with the prescription-paper the nurse had given me to fill. I shot down to the floor to pick both of them up, as if that'd give me a few more seconds to calm down. I'm such an idiot…why'd I agree to go with her? I knew it'd eat me alive to be here.

First I grabbed the prescription and then snatched the magazine to my chest. The pages crumpled against my skin, until I stood up, turned back around and dropped both fallen items back onto my seat. "Quinn." I turned back to the nurse and held out my hand.

From over his shoulder I could see Santana's forehead creased in wonder. I felt as if I were some sort of sideshow at a circus.

The nurse took my hand. I was right…it was cold. "Quinn. It's wonderful to meet you. You'll be driving her home today correct?" He glanced back to Santana and then turned back to me, keeping my hand held in his cold grip.

"Yes. Yeah." I nodded, took a breath, and composed myself. "Yes."

"Wonderful." He slapped his other hand over my own. "You're a good friend. It's not often young women come in with their friends. Boyfriends yes, but not friends. Teenage girls often find this procedure to be a bit of…" He held his breath, and stopped the word _embarrassment _from coming from his mouth. Santana couldn't read his lip's slip over the silent word, but I could. "Well, let's just say they find it easy to just show their friends the _after_ part. But there is nothing wrong with a young lady doing something to make herself feel better about her body." It was the first time since he'd entered the room that his words didn't sound monotonous and rehearsed. He let go of my hand and walked towards a clipboard on the counter. "The procedure should take two hours tops." His voice lost interest again, and returned to its drawl. He adjusted his glasses and squinted at a paper pinned to the top of the clipboard. "I already have your father's number." He nodded. "And this must be…" He looked over at me. "Yours?"

I nodded and looked to Santana. She was sitting with her ankles crossed, back straight as a board, and her eyes alert.

"And we've already talked to your father since he's not going to be present and cleared everything with insurance. And it looks like we have your mother's signature. Her and your father stopped in just before you arrived."

Santana nodded.

"Anyone else you'd like me to add to your contacts, in case a situation arises and I can't get a hold of your parents or Quinn." He looked up at me, but his eyes slipped right over me and returned to the clipboard.

I sat back down. It felt awkward standing. The magazine crunched underneath my weight. I slipped my hand under and pulled out the prescription, folded it, and tucked it into my purse. I left the magazine.

"Uh," Santana looked to me and then looked back to the nurse. "Yeah." She almost whispered and held her hands out for the clipboard. She scribbled a name, a phone number, and then handed it back.

"Looks good." He set the clipboard on the counter after slipping out a piece of paper. "This is for you." He held that paper up for Santana to see, but started to walk towards me. "I know you've already had a chance to read it, but I'm going to give it to your friend. I know your parents are out of town on business, but you will have this young lady stay the night with you correct?"

I nodded yes, since he was looking at me. But I hadn't even considered that. Of course she'd need someone to stay with her. "Of course." My words felt a little too sincere, and a little too unnatural. "I'll be helping her."

"Wonderful. There's a form you need to sign just out front then." He handed me the paper in his hands. "These are post-procedure instructions. All the do's and don'ts. There's a phone number for the nurses' hotline near the bottom and don't hesitate to call."

He clapped his hands together. It almost reminded me of Mr. Shue.

"You know where the pharmacy is right? Just across the street." He was still talking to me, but had returned to his clipboard. He didn't wait for me to answer. "And the waiting room is just down the hall. I'm ready to take Miss Lopez back if you girls have no further questions."

I looked from the nurse and over to Santana. She wasn't looking in my direction. She was staring at the older man and staring at whatever he had been writing. "I'm ready." Santana said. I heard her say the words, but felt absolutely none of her usual confidence.

I stood up and grabbed my magazine. My purse slapped into my hip as I swung it over my shoulder. "Okay." I wasn't sure what to say and I didn't just want to leave without saying anything.

"It was nice meeting you. I'll have one of the nurses come get you after the procedure and if it's all right with your friend, you can wait in the recovery room until she's fully awake and ready to go."

"Sure." Santana answered from across the room.

"Nice to meet you too." I shook his hand again, this time careful not to drop my magazine or do something else to make me look like a complete mess.

I smiled at Santana.

She smiled back. She pursed her lips and returned a terrified and heartbreaking smile.

I stepped into the hall. The door clicked shut behind me. I thanked the Lord that it was empty and deserted, because a small tear slipped from the corner of my eye. I wiped it away before someone poked there head out from a door or from around a corner and saw.

I wasn't sure whether the memories of being in this situation had caused these freaky reactions, or the thought of _me _being Santana's emergency contact and driver. She didn't even like me that much. At least my mom had been there through mine.

I didn't let another tear fall. I shook it off. I signed a release form near that secretary out front, slipped out of the clinic, crossed the street, and distracted myself by taking longer than it should have taken to wonder around the pharmacy.

It was almost as deserted as the clinic, except the guy behind the counter kept tapping his thumbs against random things to mimic the beat coming from an old eighties rock song buzzing through the overhead speakers.

"Hey!" A voice shook my entire body. The small bag I'd just grabbed from the pharmacist holding Santana's drugs fell from my fingers. I dove down, snapped up the bag, cursed my clumsiness for the second time, and stuffed the prescription in my purse. When I finally had the chance to look and see who had interrupted me finding silly ways to waste my time and keep as far away from the clinic waiting room as possible, Mercedes was beaming. "How's you're summer?" She leaned in and gave me a hug. A surprisingly much needed hug.

"Good." I swallowed all the startled nerves in my throat. "Good, just keeping busy. How are you? And your mother?"

"We're doing great. It's weird not having you in the spare bedroom. And you're always welcome for dinner." Mercedes eyes shifted to my purse, and then moved back to me. "So what are you doing out here?" Her question wasn't accusatory, but pure curiosity.

"Just picking up a prescription." I thought about adding more, saying it was for a friend, but then I'd have to explain which friend. And again, I would have like to have blab about Santana's boob job and made her look even more shallow and fake…but this entire situation hit a little too close to home.

"Yeah. Rachel dragged me and Kurt out here to pick up some vitamins." Mercedes turned and pointed across the pharmacy. Rachel was holding an enormous red bottle inches from her face and reading the label. Kurt was running his fingers across a row of vitamin bottles. "We're out headed to get some lunch. You should come." Mercedes looked back towards Rachel. "Please."

"No." We exchanged a short knowing smile. "That's okay. I'd rather not…" Mercedes shrugged at my response. She knew I would have never agreed to a lunch with Rachel, but I continued my reasoning regardless. I'd grown close to Mercedes, and I needed a little more leverage to make it seem as if I weren't blowing her off. "I'm meeting Santana. We made plans for the day."

"Oh." Mercedes responded a little surprised. "Cause Britt's out of town?"

"What?" My voice rose. I wasn't Santana's second-string friend. If anything right now, I was the only friend she had. "No. We just made plans." I shrugged realizing my overreaction.

"Quinn." Kurt drew out my name. He must not have noticed me earlier. I smiled as he approached and pulled me into a hug. "You look adorable." He pulled back. "Oh, what are you doing later this evening?"

"Oooh, that's right." Mercedes nodded. "I knew there was a reason we conveniently bumped into you." Mercedes turned to Kurt. "I'm sure she already knows though."

"Uhhh," I looked back and forth between the two and finally settled on answering Kurt's question. "I'm meeting Santana, any minute." I was getting a little uncomfortable with the conversation, especially since I had to speak constantly in half-truths. Not only that, but I didn't want the nurses calling me explaining Santana was ready, and having to hide that conversation with Kurt and Mercedes standing right in front of me. There was no doubt in my mind I've been in this pharmacy for over an hour. Santana's probably almost ready.

"'Cause Britt's out of town?" Kurt spoke, word for word, what Mercedes had asked me. But the threatening scowl on my face must have redirected the conversation. "Well that's perfect!" He smiled and reached out to pat my shoulder. "Then you _do_ already know."

"Know what?" I responded and laughed just a little. It was either the nervousness or the smiles on both of their faces that caused me to do so.

"Britt's having another barbeque. She said something about her bike breaking and her parents just dropping her off later this evening." Mercedes answered. "I'm looking forward to round two of mushroom burgers."

I just shook my head _no. _I'd know if Brittany were coming back. She would have told both Santana and me.

My phone _bleeped, _and my stomach dropped. I pulled it out of my purse.

Fwd: Bbq tonite at my house. my tire fell off my bike. byob so I can have some ~Brittany

I looked back up. "Oh my God." I stuffed my phone back into my purse. "I-I need to…go." I smiled at them, knowing they saw right through me.

**XXXxxxxXXXXXX**

**_Santana's POV_**

"Fucking slow down." I pushed my head further back into the headrest. My eyes were slammed shut and I was gripping my knees so tightly that I could already feel bruises forming. Bruises that I'd later have to explain to Brittany.

"I'm going slow Santana." Quinn snapped in response. "If I go any slower I'll have to stop."

"So then stop." Another wave of nausea crawled up my throat. I felt it creep over the roof of my mouth and beg me to heave yet again.

"You have a thing to puke in. It's on your lap." Quinn answered. "I can't pull over here."

"If I puke again, my boobs are going to explode." I moved one of the hands clenching my knee and grabbed the bag that was indeed resting on my lap.

"They won't explode. They'll explode if I pull over and someone rear ends us."

"God…" I groaned and reached back to my knee for balance. This wasn't my car. If I puked in it, then it's not as if I would have to clean it up. Quinn will have to. Holding that stupid bag is only going to make me dizzier. "Just drive…"

_This was a horrible idea. This was a horrible idea. This was a horrible idea._

I repeated those words over and over. It was the only thing running through my mind, and it helped keep me distracted from the turning and tumbling my stomach had been doing the second Quinn had pulled out of the clinic's parking lot.

It wouldn't be that horrible if I didn't feel like puking. The pain actually wasn't that bad. I just felt like my chest had been stretched a little too tightly.

I'm such an idiot. _Why'd I do this again? Was it to make things better with Britt? _She's not going to understand any explanation I give her when she sees that I had decided to let complete strangers shove shit into my boobs. _Maybe they can take them out?_

_No. __Yes. _

_This was a horrible idea._

It had seemed like a good idea at first. It had seemed simple. Make myself look sexier, which would in turn make guys chase me like a rabid dog in heat. I'd have both the confidence and space to figure things out with Britt. _Was that my reasoning? _I couldn't even remember anymore. Maybe there wasn't a legitimate reason.

No. There was. There had to have been. I wouldn't have done this if there hadn't been an extraordinarily good reason.

_This was a horrible idea. This was a horrible idea._

"It's fine Santana. Just wait till we get you to Britt's. You can sleep and you'll stop feeling sick."

Had I said that out loud?

"Yes." Quinn answered.

"Fuck." I spoke the word just so I could tell the difference between words spoken and thoughts. Once I was able to differentiate and force myself only to think, I held my breath and returned to my thoughts.

Had I said anything else? Had she heard anything else?She couldn't have heard. There's no way. _Right? _

"Have you checked you're phone?" Quinn asked as she inched her car around a final corner. Even with my eyes closed, post-surgery, and still mostly drugged up, I knew the road to Brittany's house as I knew the back of my hand.

"No." I groaned. "Why the fuck would I do that? Stupid ass question." The words were mumbled and spoken with less than a quarter of my usual volume, but I knew Quinn could hear them. Hell, if she could somehow read my _thoughts _then there's no doubt she could hear me say that.

"It's not a stupid question." Quinn spoke just as loud as I had. "We're here."

She parked the car, I heard the engine shut off, and listened as her door opened and shut. She should just leave me here. All I wanted was sleep. And now that the car wasn't moving, my body slowly started to drag me under.

My door opened. It sucked out the silence of the car and jerked me awake.

"Come on Santana." I could tell Quinn was getting impatient.

I kept my eyes closed. Maybe she'll think I'm sleeping.

_Nope. _She reached over me (carefully reached over me) and unbuckled my seatbelt. She even held the belt as it retracted just so it didn't touch any part of my body. Of course, she'd tucked the shoulder strap behind my back when we'd left the clinic, so it's not as if it were really that hard to do.

"Santana. You can sleep inside. Come on." Her voice came from outside the door. She pulled the bag on my lap off. "I'm not going to stand here all day. Get up."

"Fine." I snapped and opened my eyes. "Fine. So annoying." The windshield magnified the sun's glare. It hit my eyes and forced me to swing my feet out the door and squint my eyes back shut.

"You're annoying." Quinn helped me stand up and steady myself.

"I didn't call you annoying. I called the sun annoying." That was true. Though I knew she wouldn't believe it.

"I'm so sure…" She said as we started to walk up to Brittany's house.

"I don't have to be here Santana. I can leave you, let your boobs rot." Quinn let go of my arm and started to unlock the front door. _When did I give her Britt's key? _

"So then why are you? Are you thinking about getting a boob job and just wanted to see firsthand what it takes, see if you're able to go through with it?" It was getting harder to speak, I was getting tired and the nausea was creeping back. "Or did you come to ask for some tips on having sex with Puckerman? It's weird how I did it so many times without getting impregnated, and your first time you…" I stopped. _What am I doing? _She's being nice.

"Tell me again why you let them shove silicon in your chest Santana." Quinn spat as she led me inside the front door, her hand between my shoulder blades. "Who were you trying to impress? Puck?"

_Brittany. _

But I kept quiet as she helped me up the stairs. I just let her continue to rag at me. Bitch at me.

"I've always thought boobs were a sex symbol. And what happens when they get bigger?" She was talking to me as if I were stupid. As if I didn't already know this. "I just can't wait until Coach Sylvester finds out. Can you imagine what she's going to say?" Quinn laughed. But the laugh sounded a little weird. Forced. And though I knew she was trying to mock me, that laugh told the exact opposite. "It's like you're handing me my spot back on the _Cheerios. _I almost feel bad for you. She's going to take one look at you and come begging me to take your place. You aren't even trying anymore"

"Trying what?" I stepped into Brittany's room with her hand still guiding me forward.

"Are you just going to sleep in that?" She pointed to the sweatshirt I was wearing, and the pair of shorts that had bunched up around my thighs. Our pathetic little argument was dropped like a sack of bricks.

"Yeah…" I continued towards the bed, turned, and slowly sat down. The sheets were still hanging off the bed, and only one of the pillows was near the headboard. _Well, I guess Quinn saw the bed. So much for having tried to hide it earlier._

"They said you should support yourself when you lie down. With lots of pillows." Quinn started to walk around the room and pick up the scattered pillows. With four of them hugging her chest she walked around the other side of the bed and started to build a pillow brace for me. I sat on the bed, forcing my eyes not to close completely, and waited for her to stop messing with the pillows. "Okay." She stood back up.

I swung my feet up on the bed, scooted a little, and then lay down. My back sunk into the extra cushion from the pillows and instantly that pulling feeling returned. My eyes started to close.

"Before you fall asleep you should take one of these." Quinn spoke.

"Mmmhmm…"

"And you're phone…" Her voice got a little louder as she approached. "You have new messages."

"Probably."

"Read it." Quinn set my phone on my stomach.

"I'm sleeping." I adjusted so I sank even further into the pillows. "Did you read it?" In any other circumstance I probably would have snapped the words at her harder and faster than a whip, and followed them with an equally terrifying threat. But right now I couldn't care less.

"Take this." She grabbed my hand, opened it, and dropped one pill into my palm. "If you don't you'll regret it in a few hours."

I closed my fist around the pill, thought about just falling asleep, and then decided she was probably right. "Well, I'm going to need water."

Quinn left the room, and returned almost immediately with a glass of water. I didn't sit back up. I just tossed the pills into my cheek, craned my neck up slightly, and then filled my mouth with water. The pills were easy to swallow.

**XXXXxxxxXXXxx**

"Do you even know what you're doing?" I recognized the voice immediately. I snapped my eyes open. _Brittany? Am I dreaming? _

No. Not dreaming. I could feel the pillows sinking unevenly beneath me. One was still firm near my lower back, but the ones near my shoulder blades had gone flat.

My chest felt tight. My skin felt too tense. _Did they do something wrong? _It felt like my chest was going to bust. I was swollen. Everything felt swollen. And it was weird to breath. Maybe that was because I wasn't used to sleeping on my back or maybe that was because my implants had squeezed through my ribs and were suffocating my lungs. Either way, each breath had to lift the added weight on my chest.

"Yes. I know what I'm doing." Finn's voice answered.

_What the hell? _I had to be dreaming. Brittany was not even in town. And Finn wouldn't dare show up somewhere he knew I was going to be without his girlfriend leached to his side like a dying vampire. He wouldn't risk _Berry-ugly_ finding out about our little rendezvous in that grungy motel last year.

"It doesn't look like it." Brittany responded.

I peeked out towards the window. It was dark. Or starting to get dark. I scanned the room. _Where was Quinn? _When I didn't find her I tried to sit up. But my body was too heavy, and when I tried to push myself up with my arms, it felt is if my chest were going to explode.

"Fucking kidding me." I mumbled. _Am I going crazy? _I slapped my fists into the pillows squishing out from behind my back.

"Have you ever cooked hamburgers before?" Finn asked. He sounded more insulted then frustrated.

"Yes." Brittany was quick to respond. "No…" She corrected herself. "But I know what they're supposed to look like and they're not supposed to be that color."

"I just started cooking them." Finn said.

What the hell is going on? I tried to sit up again, but wasn't able to. Fucking Quinn did this on purpose. She was probably watching me and laughing right now. I should have known better than to let her help.

My phone! I patted down my stomach, but found a blanket had been thrown over me. I snaked my hands out from the blanket and thankfully found my phone. It had been ready to fall off the bed.

5 New Messages

_did u fall back asleep? guess wat? my tire fell off my bike I getta come back :) ~Brittany_

_my parents are just gonna drop me off since they paid for the hotel. i asked what they were gonna do, but they told me it was a secret ~Brittany_

_i bot you a jawbreaker. well my mom bot u a jawbreaker… ~Brittany_

_wake up sleeping beauty or i'll come kiss u ~Brittany_

Hey dude. What beer do you want?

The last one was from Puckerman. There's only one reason he'd be asking me that, and it was because he wanted to get me drunk. Typical.

My heart started pounding and it started to cramp my entire body. Each pound slammed my chest, which caused my muscles to tense in response. _Could my heart beat too hard and pop them?_

What do I do? There was no way I could hide this. I couldn't even get out of Britt's bed. Why hadn't she seen me?

I flicked through my contacts, until I reached 'Q'.

Wtf quinn. Where r u? y is everyone here?

I set my phone back down. My heart was still going crazy. _What if they all walked in here? _No, Quinn wouldn't let that happen. Actually, she probably would. She had probably already told them all.

I looked over to the nightstand. My pills were sitting there, with half a glass of water. I snatched the bottle, but couldn't read the label. I didn't know how many I needed to take. Probably two. Everything is taken in twos.

The cap fell off. She hadn't even tightened it all the way. _What if Brittany's cat had started to eat them? _Stop. Okay. Stop. I was panicking. My breathing was shaky and I was starting to worry about inanimate objects (Lord Tubbington).

I poured the pills into my hand. A small pile fell. I counted them three times. One, two, three, four, five, six. I could take a few extra. It'd keep the pain down. Maybe enough so I could wander downstairs at some point, say hey, say I wasn't feeling well, and then trickle back upstairs.

Six is too many. I'm not an addict. I picked up one pill and dropped it back into the bottle, before I lifted my palm up to my mouth, let the five pills slip into my cheek and washed them down with the glass of water on the night stand.

The water was hard to swallow in between my irregular breathing. I set the bottle back on the nightstand. Wait. No. Bad idea. I grabbed the bottle again, made sure the lid was tight, and let it drop behind Brittany's headboard. It'd be a dead giveaway if she came in and saw that.

"Hey guys!" Brittany yelled from outside.

"Hey! You're still dirty." Mercedes responded.

"Yeah. Santana's sleeping upstairs so I didn't want to wake her." Brittany explained. Her saying my name caused my heart to stall. "What'd you bring this time?"

"A few garden burgers." Rachel responded. "Last time I starved because you guys refused to think of others that might not eat meat, and Quinn guarded the fruit tray."

"They can grow?" Brittany said.

"What can grow?"

"It's a veggie burger Britt." Kurt's voice explained. "For vegans. They're surprisingly good."

"So can they grow?"

"Technically yes." Kurt responded slowly, probably processing the question.

"What else did you bring?" Brittany continued.

"Oh." Rachel paused for a second. "Let's see. These are just my vitamins." She paused again. "_My_ vitamins Brittany…" I heard a bag crumple and jerk from outside the window. "I brought cups…"

"I have those in my kitchen. Continue." Brittany spoke.

"Uh, okay. I brought potato salad." Rachel said, I could hear her words searching for approval.

"Delicious." Brittany simple stated.

"Hey Britt. I need to ask you a question." I heard Puckerman's voice.

Dear Lord, he's already here.

"Yes sir."

There was a silence. She was probably walking up to him. Shit. He was going to hit on her, trick her into doing something, and the only thing I could do would be to yell obscenities from my window.

"So," his voice was noticeably softer, but still audible. "Quick question. Is Santana coming?"

"Probably not right now. Not that I can hear anyway."

"Hot. So, she's not going to be here?" Puck restated his question. There were only three people that I would have ever expect to _interpret _that innuendo from Britt. Me, because well…duh. Her, because she had said it. And Puckerman, because his mind was dirtier than a molding gutter.

"She's already here." Brittany was quick to respond.

"Where at?" Puck questioned.

"Not sure." Brittany's tone changed. It lowered and retracted. _Was she hiding me from him?_ A smile crept up to my lips, but quickly dissipated once I realized what I was hiding from her, and what she was soon to find out.

"Okay. I'm sure she'll pop up eventually. Also, I'm thinking about getting her something small for her birthday. I know I missed it, but that's not the point. What kind of stuff does she like?"

"Uh…" Brittany drew out the word. "She doesn't like churros."

"I thought she did." Puck interrupted.

"Not anymore. She changed her mind." Brittany continued. "And she hates Breadstix now."

"Well what does she like?" Puck asked.

"Sweater vests. A lot. And she likes pink. Especially fuzzy pink stuff. Actually, if you just ask Rachel she'll help a lot. I know her and Rachel like a lot of the same stuff."

"Sweet. Thanks." I heard Puck walk away from the window.

He's such an idiot.

"Hey Brittany." Quinn spoke. There she was. _Why hadn't she texted me back? _

"Quinnie the Pooh, how are you?" Brittany responded. I could see the dorky smile spread across Brittany's face. And underneath that dorky smile would be a faint smirk at knowing Quinn probably wouldn't approve of the nickname.

"Good…" Quinn said. "Actually. Santana was asking for you."

If my heart hadn't already fallen out of my chest from horror, it would have now. That bitch. I'll destroy her. I knew she'd do something like this.

"Yay. Okay."

The two didn't say anything further, which meant Brittany was on her way up. _What could I do? _I scanned the room. It's not as if I could get up even if I found something that needed to be hidden.

Footsteps padded up the stairs.

My stomach squeezed so forcefully that I thought it was going to pop. And it was causing my breathing to become even more erratic. I pulled the covers up to cover my mouth. Maybe she wouldn't see…

The door cracked open.

She stepped in. At first I could only see her silhouette, but my eyes adjusted to her shape.

"Hey Santana-licious bubble gum." Brittany's hand flicked on the light. "Wanna hear all the other nicknames I came up with for everyone in Glee?"

The white light hit my eyes hard. I pulled the sheet to cover the rest of my face. "Ow." I could feel my eyes burning from the sudden intrusion.

"Oops sorry." The room dimmed. "There it's off. You can look again." Brittany's footsteps approached. "Why are you sleeping on a pillow fort? You look like Cleopatra. Or Oprah."

I didn't pull the blanket down. I kept it covering my face. I needed an excuse. Anything. Something. Quick. My chest continued to shake in an attempt to catch a breath, and I could feel the rest of my body trembling.

Fuck. That plan had backfired. Get a boob job to stop my panic attacks…

"Silly. Why are you hiding?" Brittany's hand grabbed the blanket from my hands and pulled it away from my face.

Before she saw, and I was not really even sure what she would have seen, I covered my face with my hands. I felt like a three-year old playing hide n' seek.

"Santana." She laughed a little. "What are you doing?"

I didn't responded. And that was when I knew she had seen me shaking, attempting to gasp for shallow breaths. I knew because her breathing changed and she took a gradual seat on the bed next to me.

"Hey what's wrong?" Her hands grabbed me wrists, but I kept them firmly pressed into my face. "Are you sick?"

She'd lost all the giddiness in her voice. I could feel her heart sink, I could feel her eyes glaze over, and I could feel her start to panic along with me.

A knock tapped at the door.

I heard it open. Click shut.

"What's going on?" Quinn asked from across the room.

She was lucky I was in this position. She was lucky I couldn't get up and rip her hair out. She knew exactly what was going on. She knew what would happen when Brittany walked in here.

"She's sick I think." Brittany shifted her body a little, but didn't let go of my wrists. "Was she sick earlier?"

The tension in the room felt thick. I could feel it choking me.

Quinn ignored Brittany and crossed the room towards us. "You've got to sit up Santana." Quinn put her hand on my shoulder.

"I can't." I stuttered out through racking breaths. I felt tears start to seep out from my suffocating hands. "I can't."

"What's going on?" Brittany squeezed my wrists tighter. Her voice cracked.

"Here. Help me sit her up." Quinn spoke to Brittany. "Don't touch her chest." Quinn spoke the last sentence so cautiously, that I was surprised she even said it in the first place.

"Okay." Brittany crawled over my legs and kneeled next to me on the other side.

Their hands slid underneath me. I lifted with them. As I did, my stomach knotted and my chest tightened even further. I felt like a tube of toothpaste being twisted. A pained groan squeezed through my mouth. I heard Brittany regretfully whimper at my noise.

Quinn's hands grabbed my wrists. "Put your hands down Santana. You're squeezing you're chest."

I didn't listen.

"What happened?" Brittany asked again.

She'd directed her question at Quinn, because I could hear Quinn fumble and search for the right words. "I thought you knew." Quinn whispered.

"Knew what?" Brittany didn't whisper. She kept her voice even, probably so I wouldn't panic even more so than I was.

"No you didn't." I finally pulled my hands from my face and yanked them from Quinn's grasp. "You knew she didn't know. You knew. Bitch. Get the hell away from me." My words scraped my throat. Everything in my mouth felt raw. My chest continued to rise and fall, my stomach continued to twist, and I felt tears pouring from my eyes.

I was crying because it hurt. It wasn't like any pain I'd felt before, and honestly it wasn't the worst pain I'd ever felt. But the pain combined with this situation, combined with whatever else was going on was what was freaking me out. I was like a train wreck that kept on wrecking.

"Santana." Brittany hushed my name. She'd said it to point out that I shouldn't be saying those kinds of things. "Can I hug her?" Brittany asked Quinn.

"It might hurt her. You can hold her hand." Quinn didn't even falter from my snap at her. "Santana, you have to slow down you're breathing. You're fine."

But I couldn't slow down. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking about how I'd ruined my body. If I hadn't been such an idiot, I could be down there with everyone having fun. Not up here in pain, frustrated, and horrified at how scared Brittany was right now. _Could they hear us? _

I held my breath. But the air quickly burst through my lips. Heavy sobs shook my shoulders. My cries turned vocal and there was nothing I could do about it. Whenever I thought about stopping, they just got louder.

"Quinn, can you shut the window?" Brittany spoke over my sobs.

"Of course." Quinn rounded the bed and shut the window. She even shut the curtain. The room darkened further.

Brittany grabbed my hands. "Hey, it's okay." She whispered to me. "It's all fine. I'm back." _Did she think that this was her fault?_

She leaned into me, didn't touch her body to me, but pushed her cheek against my jaw, and rested her chin on my shoulder. "It's okay." She whispered into my shoulder.

My body continued to shake with my sobs, but my breathing was finally on track. It was still heavy and still hurt my chest, but it at least was controllable.

Quinn spoke after what seemed like forever. She spoke when I thought my eyes were going to go dry from crying, and when I thought I was going to fall asleep against Brittany's cheek. My cries had softened, but still silently crawled through my body. "Did you want another pill?" Quinn's weight shifted my bed. She must have sat down with us. _Had she been watching me cry the entire time? _

Pill. _Had she said __**pill? **_As in not plural. _Not more than one? Not five?_

"I don't know where they are." I mumbled. My mouth was way too heavy. My words weren't distinct, but I didn't want to repeat myself.

"Where are her pills?" Brittany leaned away from me. My body slumped a little from the loss of contact, but she caught my elbows and held me up. "What do they look like?" She looked around my room, but didn't budge from where she was.

"They should be in an orange bottle." Quinn started to walk over to the other dresser, but returned to the nightstand when she found nothing. "I put them here." She dropped down to her hands and knees. "They must have fallen off."

Brittany scooted a little closer to me and tightened her grip around my elbows. My body felt heavy. _Why doesn't she just lay me down? _"You can…," I stopped talking. It was too hard.

"Hm?" Brittany leaned her ear in. "Say that again Santana."

I didn't answer.

"Santana, did you take a pill?" Quinn was now underneath the bed. I could feel her occasionally bump against the mattress. "Do you remember seeing the bottle?"

"Yes." I mumbled. "But I hid it from your cat Britt." My eyes started to fog over. Even in the dark room I could see dark spots.

"Found it!" Quinn backed out from the bed and jumped up next to us.

"She said she took one already." Brittany whispered.

"Five…" I corrected her. Hell, might as well throw everything out on the table. Might as well make myself look like a complete psycho.

"You took five?" Quinn hissed. A glow grew from her hands as she held her phone near the bottle.

I turned my eyes back to Brittany. "Can I lay back down?" I asked. Any longer sitting like this and I was going to pass out sitting up.

"Can I lay her down Quinn?" Brittany asked. "That's okay right?"

She didn't wait for answer before she started adjusted my squished pillow pile.

"Yeah…" Quinn hushed.

Brittany wrapped her arms around my lower back, and gently guided me down. The pillows consumed my entire body. I'd never felt so comfortable in my life.

XXXxxxXXXxxx

Someone was holding my hand. I knew they were awake, because their grip wasn't slack. It was firm and determined.

And I was lying on those stupid pillows still. I'd sunk into them again.

I tried to swallow the dryness in my mouth, but it stung my throat. _Shit. _That's right, I'd been crying. Crying was an understatement; I'd been freaking my shit out. _Why? _

The hand tightened. Brittany's hand.

Brittany was here. I tried to swallow again, and it hurt just as much. _What had happened? _I must have passed out again.

I opened my eyes.

The room was still dark. That meant it was still night. That was good. I hadn't gone into a coma from my over-indulgent pill swallowing.

My eyes started to adjust. I could start making out shapes again on the ceiling. Nothing specific. Just shapes. My mind was too worn out to find anything. But at least the panicking had stopped. At least I didn't sound like a wheezy pathetic pile of crap.

But my legs felt warm. And itchy. Must be a side effect of those stupid pills.

Brittany was on the bed with me. Her knees were touching my hip. I had woken up with her knees touching my hips so many times before, that it had become familiar.

A light caught the corner of my eye. It glowed softly. I turned my head and saw Quinn's back pressed against the door. She had Brittany's laptop in her lap and was typing away like an ant with tap-shoes.

"Are you awake?" Brittany whispered.

I nodded.

Quinn heard. I watched her get up, set the laptop on the dresser and approach us. "So turns out you won't die from taking that many pills." She sounded irritated. Not annoyed-irritated, but scared-irritated. "My mom has been calling me off the hook. She wants me to head home. It's almost morning. But I explained everything to Brittany and she knows what to do."

I turned back and looked at Brittany. She had sat up and was now holding my hand in her lap.

I felt a little weird. Like I had been the cause some chaotic frenzy, only to find out everything was fine and everyone overreacted. Myself included.

"I can stay though if you want me too." Quinn continued. "I can tell my mom I'm just going to stay."

"It's fine." My voice was rough. I sounded like an eighty-year-old chain smoker.

"All right. Brittany I wrote everything down on that piece of paper. And I'm sure Santana can help too."

"Okay." Brittany responded.

Quinn left without saying bye.

Brittany lay back down and nestled her head a little closer. "Do you feel better?" She let go of my hand.

"Yeah." I barely croaked out. Thank goodness we weren't having glee rehearsals over the summer, I doubted that I'd even be able to sing for a week.

"That was super scary Santana," she said. I could tell she spoke soft to keep her voice from shaking. "You shouldn't have done that without saying something."

"I know."

"I'm still you're best friend right?" Brittany sat up on the bed.

My heart sank from the question. I hadn't even thought of that. _What must she have thought when she saw that Quinn knew more than her? _

"Of course." I clenched my stomach and pulled myself up. I was about to praise myself on my accomplishment, until I realized Brittany's hand had helped me. "Britt you're my one and only best friend."

"So why didn't you tell me?" The distance in her voice scared me.

"I was scared." It was probably the first honest thing I'd said the entire day.

"You say when I'm scared, that I should tell you." Brittany stood her ground.

"Yeah." I sighed.

My leg started to itch again. I pinched my thighs together. They were hot. Sticky.

"So why didn't you tell me?" She repeated the question.

I shifted my legs. The back of my thigh slipped across something wet. The sheet was wet. _Water? _

"I'm not sure." That was an outright lie. "Because I thought you'd change my mind." There's the truth.

"Maybe." She shrugged.

"I just wanted to get noticed." I copied her shrug. My chest tensed from the motion.

"People do notice you. You're like the hottest girl at school." She took a gulp. "You made me look stupid. In front of Quinn. Like I didn't know anything about my best friend."

I couldn't respond to that. I didn't have a response. That hurt. Knowing that I'd made her feel like that hurt more than anything I'd experienced in these past twenty-four hours. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted them to take their boobs back. I thought that I'd be able to justify myself afterward, but now I couldn't find those reasonings from before. I couldn't think of a single one.

"I wish I hadn't done it..." I finally said it. "You didn't look stupid." I defended her accusation towards herself. "You looked like a best friend. I looked stupid."

Brittany shuffled on the bed. I heard her start to speak in response, but she stopped her words.

"Don't ever think you look stupid." I demanded.

"Do your parents know?" Brittany asked after a few seconds. She knew the question would be a little bit touchy so she was hesitant with her question.

"My dad's the one that paid for it. They know."

"You didn't want to stay at your house?" She asked.

That question seemed so logical. If I'd stayed there, I could have avoided this entire mess.

I just shook my head _no. _She knew why.

Her hand reached for my lap, but quickly retracted once she touched the blanket covering it. "Did you spill something." Her hands returned to my lap and softly patted.

"I don't think so…" her question seemed a little out of place. I didn't have time to process it until she was already up off the bed and walking towards her dresser.

"It's okay." She pulled out a pair of her shorts. She set them on the dresser and walked back to me. She knew what had happened before I had. "Here. Let's get you to the bathroom."

"Okay." I agreed. I still wasn't sure what was going on.

She pulled the blanket off of me, folded it, and tossed it in her hamper. When she returned the realization quickly hit me. I felt my face start to burn from embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry Britt." My voice shook with the apology. How humiliating.

"It's okay." She didn't seem at all bothered. "I've done it before."

She grabbed my knees and was gentle as she twisted me, until my feet hung from the bed hand hit her carpet.

"Can you stand? Do you feel pukey?" She stood above me.

"I feel okay." My face continued to burn.

"Okay, that paper says to just stand with your legs." She instructed.

So I did. I stood, and with her hands acting as training wheels, I was able to make it to her bathroom. She stood me against the sink and pulled out a few hand towels from the cabinet.

"Okay. Want to just wash off with hand towels?" She reached around me and turned on the water. Her hand held under the faucet and adjusted the temperature until she pulled away satisfied.

"Yeah." I answered, even though that was clearly what was happening regardless.

"The waters on warm." Brittany took a small step back.

"Okay." I answered.

"And the towels are right on the counter." She pointed to the folded fuzzy pink towels.

I smiled. She'd told Puck I liked fuzzy pink things. Not true. She'd told Puck all the things I didn't like, _on purpose_.

"Okay." I repeated my last answer.

"You can just leave the shorts and you're underwear on the floor."

"Okay."

She looked toward the open door. But she didn't move. Her feet remained glued to the bathroom floor and her eyes remained glued to me.

"I can help if you want?" The question was so tentative. It was weird having her ask something that way. She was not shy with me, usually she was all gung-ho.

I smiled again. "Okay."

She returned the smile.

Her hands reached for my shorts. Her thumbs hooked around both elastic bands of the shorts and my underwear.

My face started to burn even brighter once I remembered that these were _her _shorts. I felt heat starting to lick behind my ears and seep down my neck.

"Do you want me to shut the door?" She paused before pulling them down. She must have noticed my mortification and mistook it for something other than it was.

"Nobody's here right?"

"Right." She confirmed.

"Then it's fine."

She slid the shorts and underwear down. They slipped down my hips, thighs, and fell to my ankles. I stepped out of them and she kicked them across the linoleum.

This was the first time since this whole confusion started-since she accidentally spilled the beans about pretending to kiss me, since that first night I touched her, since that night in the pool-that didn't feel the slightest bit self-conscious about being mostly naked near her. And I knew exactly why.

It wasn't because of the surgery. It wasn't because guys are now going to be ogling me for new and exciting reasons. It wasn't because my boobs were going to be just barely a cup size bigger.

It was because of what she was doing now. Despite how I had treated her, despite that I had lied to her, she still wanted to be here. She had offered to help me with something that I could have probably done myself, because she _wanted _to.

I had peed my pants in this girl's bed, and she acted as if it were nothing she couldn't handle. She acted as if it were an opportunity to help me.

And I had thought that I couldn't have loved her any more than I already did.

Brittany leaned back around me and held one of the towels under the water.

My heart wasn't rampaging…it was anticipating her touch. And when she leaned back, folded the towel, and held it against the inside of my thigh, my heart calmed even more so.

"Spread you're legs just a little more." She said. It wasn't sexual. Affectionate yes. Erotic, slightly. Sexual, no. She would never offer to do something like this, and think of our relationship as simple sex and hormones.

I listened and spread my feet just a bit wider. She slid the towel up and down the inside of my thigh. The soft heat felt amazing. The lukewarm heat was more intoxicating than anything I'd ever experienced before.

When she crouched in front of me and continued to pull the rag over my legs, I still didn't panic. I just waited. When she cupped between my legs with the damp heated towel, I didn't flinch. As much as I wanted her touch to go further, it didn't stir any alarm or reticence.

She stood up and grabbed the dry towel. Her hands repeated the trail the wet towel had made around the inside of my legs. When she was done. She flicked off the water and led me to the bedroom. She helped me slip on the new pair of shorts she had pulled out of her dresser and told me to wait while she pulled the rest of the blankets off the bed.

I stood and watched her remake the bed. She had gotten new blankets from the linen closet down the hall. The soiled sheets had all been tossed into her hamper.

"Do you want another pillow fort?" Brittany asked before she started rearranging the pillows.

"Just one is fine." I walked over to her.

My approach took her off guard. She turned to face me and stalled. I clasped her cheeks in between my palms and pulled her forehead down to my lips. I placed a grateful kiss just below her hairline.

When I pulled back, the grin consuming her face was enough to make me happy for the rest of my life.

"I'm still mad at you though." Brittany responded as she pulled the sheets back for me to climb into.

"Okay." My body tightened a little at her words. And my chest tightened further as she helped me lie down.

She covered me with the new blanket and took a few steps back. My heart followed her. "You're not going to stay?" My trailing heart started to crack into a thousand tiny pieces.

She stood still for a second. I knew she wanted to crawl in with me. I knew she wanted to forgive me. And for that matter, I knew she wasn't necessarily _mad. _She was hurt. When she finally spoke, her excuse was pathetically adorable and I couldn't decide whether to let the rest of my heart fall to pieces, or to smile. "I'm going to sleep in my sister's room. So her bed isn't dusty when she gets back from camp."

Brittany left the room, and left the door cracked open. She poked her head back in. "Knock on the wall twice if you need anything."

"Okay." I responded.

She left. I closed my eyes. I wanted to fall asleep, and as heavy as my eyelids felt, I couldn't seem to drift off. It was selfish for me to want her to be okay with everything right away. If I were in her position, I'd throw a fit. I'd yell like a crazy woman and then I'd probably throw a grenade at that stupid boob clinic.

But she was not me. I was not her. We were two entirely different people. I'd known that since the day I had met her. We were both people pleasers, but went about it in entirely different ways. I got a boob job to please the entire school and keep them out of our business; she had given me a purple jolly rancher when I had come home from the grungy motel in tears after having sex with Finn to please me.

Two knocks sounded against the wall. I laughed and returned the knocks.

Seconds later Brittany poked her head through the door. "You rang?"

An embarrassingly childish smile infected my face.

"I'm going to be mad tomorrow, because I want to sleep in the same bed as you." She stepped back in the room and clicked the door shut. Brittany rounded her bed, pulled back her own sheets, grabbed my hand, and scooted as close as she could without accidentally bumping me. "It's spooky out there."

**XXXxxxXX**

**A/N: Poor Rachel, keeps bringing things to these bbq's because it's 'polite', and then Brittany tries to steal her vitamins. **

**Hope you liked this chapter. Let me know :)**


	5. Boy Sex

**Chapter 5 : Boy Sex**

"I can't do this." I blurted and clutched my handbag to my chest. After a swift turn on my heel, I began marching back towards the car. As soon as I stepped off the walkway my heels stuck into the grass. Each step felt as if I were trying to pull a particularly stubborn dart from a dartboard. It took all the strength in my legs to keep myself from rolling an ankle, or worse, breaking a heel. But not even this uneven, soft, front lawn and the potential of ruining a brand new pair of heels was going to slow me down. I could easily get back on the Internet, visit _neimenmarcus_ for a second time and use my dad's credit card to get the same exact pair of _Louboutin _heels.

"Santana wait," Brittany was quick to follow. She locked into hurried a pace behind me. From the concentrated and stiff huffs of air that I kept hearing, she was having a little more trouble speeding through the grass in her heels.

I didn't wait, because I didn't want to be here. Why did I agree to this in the first place? Sure this is Quinn's house, and Quinn obviously already knows, but nobody else does. I haven't talked to anyone besides Brittany for the past two weeks. I've locked myself inside my bedroom, ignored invites to _keggers_, ignored Puckerman's insistent pleas to meet up with him, and I even ignored Quinn when she invited me over to this stupid cocktail mixer.

But when Brittany showed up at my house with an adorably excited jump in her step, and a speech about how fun this would be, I couldn't say no. _We get a chance to hang out with adults and our friends at the same time._ And_, we get to dress up_. _Its like homecoming, except we don't dance and we act like British butlers that are taking their break. _Her words for us getting an opportunity to act _sophisticated. _

This morning I'd made up my mind. I wasn't going to go. There was no way I was ready to show off my new assets. The entire day I had neglected to open my closet and put on my dress, I had neglected to open the box of heels I'd gotten in the mail the day before, and I had neglected to text Quinn back and confirm that I was or wasn't going to attend.

Then Brittany showed up.

It's not as if she looked extraordinarily or unusually sexy. _Maybe. _She rang the doorbell. After a hesitant sigh, and a few seconds of contemplating whether I could make it to the shower before she ended up just coming in, I answered the door. And there she was. She was standing on my porch all dolled up in a white cocktail dress, with a black fabric belt that I knew for a fact didn't come with the dress. She added it. She always added little things that make _simple _become _unique._ There wasn't anything particularly _sexy _about the dress. _Maybe._ She could have easily picked a dress that rode a little higher on her legs and showed off every perfect inch of her legs. She has dozens of them in her closet. But she didn't. The dress hung down to her knees. And even though it was strapless, it's not as if it showcased her cleavage or anything like that. _Maybe._

The smile on her face when I opened the door was heartbreakingly adorable. Her lips were pinched tight and the lifted corners of her mouth were pushing her cheekbones so high up on her face that the piercing sapphire of her eyes was almost hidden. _Almost._

She looked like the same eight-year-old girl that always made me come over to her house for Halloween so we could get ready in her room and then show off our outfits to her parents. There's no way I could send her home, there was no way I could _not _let her show off her dress to everyone. White wouldn't have been my choice of color for her, since Brittany wasn't exactly the luckiest person when it comes to not getting stuff on herself, but everything about her was perfectly perfect. She's the _only _person that could change my mind so easily and so quickly about something I was dead set on saying no to.

"Santana slow down, my heels are leaving gopher holes in Quinn's yard." She called toward me when I started to pull away.

I stopped. This wasn't her fault. This was my fault. I did this to my body, and now I'm the one who's scared to admit that to everyone.

I turned and faced Brittany. She had slowed her pace, but was still walking towards me. "I can't go in their Britt. I shouldn't have worn this dress. I should have worn a Burqa." I turned and looked back at my car. It was only a few feet away. I could so easily take those remaining steps, get in, and drive away. "Or a poncho."

"But I thought you liked your dress." Brittany tried to hide her pout, but I could still see the faint jut of her lower lip. "I like your dress." Her eyes dipped down my entire body and then returned to my face. "It's pretty."

"No…" I threw my hands up in defeat. "It screams, _boobs." _I used my fingers to quote the last word.

"I like your boobs." Brittany stated matter-of-factly. "They're pretty."

Her comment stopped me from continuing. I didn't know how to respond. And without intending to, a small laugh escaped my lips.

I glanced down at my outfit. Unlike Brittany, I went for the whole _stripper-cocktail _dress thing. Plunging neckline, skin tight, black.

Brittany's shrug pulled my attention back to her. "Everyone else is gonna like it too."

"I'm so sure Rachel Berry is going to love my new boobs." I rolled my eyes. "And Mr. Shue." I laughed.

"Mr. Shue is going to be distracted by Ms. Pillsbury to even notice." She narrowed her eyes and held her breath before speaking again. "Not that he won't notice. He will. He'll totally be like, _whoa hot Santana. I'm so glad I teach her. Wait no, don't look." _Brittany lowered the tone of her voice to mock him and covered her eyes when she said _don't look_. "Then he'll go back to Ms. Pillsbury. One time I saw him singing about thongs when she was wearing this giant wedding dress. He thinks he's the cat's pajamas."

"Cat's pajamas?" I giggled and tilted my head with interest.

"Yeah. Totally. I mean, he's an all right singer, but your voice is all husky and sexy-sultry and stuff. You're like a husky pulling medicine through Alaska. He's like a Labradoodle cause his hair's curly." She shrugged.

I could almost feel the brightness of my smile burning my face. Or maybe that was a blush. "Thanks Britt. But my voice has nothing to do with my noticeably larger boobs."

"If it helps I'll slap people and yell boobs when they notice." She smiled, but kept her voice serious.

"That would help." I pinched my lips and nodded my head along with her sarcasm. _Hopefully that was sarcasm. _Then again, I wouldn't mind if she did that to man-hands. The momentary mortification of the glee clubbers staring at my boobs would totally be worth it.

"Okay. So let's go inside." She reached toward me and grabbed my wrist. "Just be Santana. Everyone will love you."

I turned and glanced back at my car, while she started to swing my arm back and forth between us. I took a deep breath. I was going to have to show them sooner or later. I couldn't hide like a hermit forever. And if I had to be completely honest, this was the hardest part. _Showing them. _I couldn't care less what everyone else thought, because everyone else wouldn't see me dancing, laughing, giggling, and singing in some ridiculous club.

"Okay." I nodded.

She kept my wrist tightly in her hand and started pulling me back towards the front door. We moved slower this time.

One step up. Another. One more.

I checked my heels. No grass stains, thank God.

I pulled my hand out of her wrist and started to flatten out my already flat dress. It's not like skin tight fabric can wrinkle…Regardless; I pinched the fabric and attempted to adjust spots.

Brittany knocked three times on the door.

While we waited, I stood petrified. The blush that had just so recently crawled across my skin, had completely drained. I felt like a ghost. Pale, drained, and see-through. _I'm so stupid. _It'd already taken awhile to adjust and somewhat _accept _the fact that I had enhanced my bust size, but these people weren't as accepting as Brittany. She was like the most un-jaded and sincere person I know.

She turned towards me. "Santana." She whispered my name. "Santana?" She said a little louder when I kept my eyes glued to the door handle.

I turned to her after she said my name for a third time.

"Remember what I said. I don't think you needed more boobs, but if it's something you wanted then it's okay. They look fine. You look fine."

"I can't." I shook my head and took a small step back.

She grabbed my wrist again. "Santana." She paused. "Think of it as something that helps people see your beauty in a new way." I froze. "You're a beautiful person on the inside, so think of it as a magnifying glass. Your boobs are like coke-bottle glasses, making your heart look way bigger, like the kids eyeballs from Christmas story."

"Britt." I sighed. Only _she _would think that. "Boobs are something I got because I didn't feel confident and beautiful." Those words shook my chest as I admitted them. It took every ounce of strength I had not to accompany that admission with tears.

Were we really having _this _conversation for the first time in front of Quinn's house, when someone could open the door any second.

"So." She shrugged. "Change your reasoning. I change my mind all the time. It's never too late to change something."

"I can't just change my mind Britt." My body sank into itself.

"Fine." She glanced back down at my chest. "I'll change it for you." She held still for a second and narrowed her eyes. "It's changed. And it's too late, because you can't reverse it." She looked back up and made eye contact. "Okay?"

I laughed again. How does she do that? Make everything so simple…

The door flung open.

"Finally." Quinn hissed. "I thought you guys weren't going to come." She stepped back. "And you're late." She shut the door once we were inside.

I looked over to the living room. A group of adults were hanging around the couches and chatting. Nobody seemed to have noticed, or cared, that we had walked in. They were all too consumed in their fancy flute glasses of champagne and the soft background classical music. Brittany was right when she said it would be like hanging out with a bunch of British butlers. They looked all _bougie_ and were standing around the couches like they wanted to sit, but didn't want to mess up their clothing.

"Why is everyone old?" Brittany whispered as she glanced around the living room.

I followed her eye-line. Everyone _was _old. It reminded me of a work-party my dad had taken me to when the babysitter canceled. Except, back then I was dressed in pajamas and had to hang out in the next room over with an old deck of cards and a hundred year old dog that breathed like a freight train.

"They're my mom's friends. Church. City council. She was talking about our performance at Regionals last year and the mayor insisted that they throw a little cocktail party in our honor. Which is a bunch of crap, because nobody's even talked to me or any of the other glee guys and the mayor is drunk off his ass."

"Ha." I laughed. "This could be fun." Possibilities started flooding my mind. This is going to be way better than building a card house and then forcing that stupid dog to walk over it as if he were Godzilla.

"Don't you dare Santana." Quinn pointed a finger at me. "The last thing I need is the mayor and the upper class families of this town to look down on me. It's hard enough redeeming myself after…_everything." _Everything meant getting pregnant. "You will not do anything stupid."

"Oh come on Quinn." I peeked back into the living room. "I've been dying to try these new babies out," I glanced at my chest. "And what better way. Plus, I've always thought blackmail was kind of scandalous. I mean, imagine what we could get away with. We'ze be rollin' in the Benjamin's."

"He could make it so we get free Taco Bell." Brittany nudged me.

"Mmmhmm." I winked at Brittany. "Or, even better, I could rule Lima."

"Santana." Quinn warned. "I will kick you out."

I studied her. Found my answer, shrugged, and turned toward the door. "Okay. I'm peacin' out then."

"No." Quinn quickly stopped me. Of course she did. A growing smirk crawled across my face as I turned back to face her. "Just, come out back." She turned and headed through the kitchen without waiting for me to agree.

Brittany and I followed behind her. When she stopped at the kitchen counter, so did we. And when she started to search the cabinets for glasses, Brittany leaned into my ear.

"You're not really going to seduce the mayor? He's old and has raisin fingers."

I couldn't stop the gag-worthy thoughts that fogged my mind. Something about her saying raisin and fingers in the same sentence made my stomach turn, and not in a good way.

She turned her ear towards me so I could whisper back. "No way. That's nasty. As much as I'd love to rule Lima, I wouldn't."

"'Kay good." Brittany leaned back.

"Do you girls want apple juice, or sparkling cider?" Quinn turned toward us. She had had her nose far into the fridge and had been moving around bottles.

"Is that a serious question Fabray?" I was shocked. It's as if she didn't know me at all.

Quinn stood up, sped toward us, and lowered her voice. "Yes, it's a serious question. My mother's in the room over." She glanced over her shoulder to peek at the chatting adults. She turned back. "The apple juice has whiskey and peach tea, and the sparkling cider has champagne. I filled the bottles when my mom was at the grocery store this morning. There's so much alcohol in this house, that she'd never notice what I took."

"Awesome." I nodded.

"I, want, apple, juice…" Brittany said a little too robotically and a little louder than necessary.

"Cider." I lifted the corner of my mouth and exchanged a smile with Brittany after I mimicked her loud and robotic tone.

"You guys are ridiculous." Quinn rolled her eyes and headed back to the fridge. She pulled out the _cider _and _apple juice _and started to fill glasses for us.

"I like your dress." Brittany spoke into the silence of the kitchen, but over the hum of the chatting adults in the room over. "It's super nice."

I glanced over Quinn's dress. A pink, summer dress. _Figures. _I guess it's a little dressier than usual, but still. Quinn's as predictable as-…On second thought. Quinn's not predictable at all. When it comes to clothes, yes. But when it comes to the things she does, she's like a slot machine. One second she's president of the celibacy club, and the next she's pregnant. One second her kid belongs to Finn, and the next it belongs to Puckerman. One second she chastising me for wanting to get a boob job, and the next second she's the most empathetic and understanding person. One second she's telling Brittany to come up to my room and outing me about my boobs, and the next second she's upstairs with us helping me calm down from a panic attack.

I hadn't talked to her since _that_ night. I didn't really have much to say to her. I was still a little pissed that she had gone behind my back and told Brittany, but on the other hand I was grateful for what she had done. Her _outing_ me was easier than me _outing_ me…

One second I want to rip her hair out, and the next I want to hug her. She's crazy. Maybe not as crazy as me, but still…

I'm surprised that we weren't a little more awkward with each other right now, seeing as how the last time she had seen me, I'd been crying about my boobs, attempting to overdose, and clinging to Brittany like an orphaned tree monkey that had found it's mother.

Whatever. That's Quinn's and my relationship. We keep it simple.

"Here," Quinn set two cups on the counter for us. "Tell me when you want refills and I'll get them for you. My mom doesn't like my friends digging through the fridge."

Brittany picked up her cup and took a small sip. I could tell from the look on her face that Quinn had been generous with the alcohol. Maybe I should have gotten the whiskey and tea. Champagne is just that…a champagne drink.

I should have gotten drunk before this. Then maybe Brittany wouldn't have had to practically beg me to not run away. I took a healthy _sip _of the champagne.

"You're just afraid we're gonna steal all your booze." Brittany took another small sip.

Quinn turned around, grabbed another cup for herself, and walked back toward us. "A little. Mostly I'm afraid you'll get naked," She eyed Brittany and then turned to me. "And you'll turn into something from Jersey Shore."

"It'd be hot." Brittany sipped her drink again.

"Yeah…" Quinn knitted her eyebrows together. "I'm sure my mom would think so too." She turned back towards the room of adults. "Let's head out back. And then my mom wanted me to mingle inside for a little and say hi to her friends. So we'll come back in when our drinks get low."

"Mine's already low…" I pulled the cup from my lips and swallowed the champagne. It bubbled down my throat.

Quinn dangerously eyed me.

"What? It is." I held my cup towards her. "I promise I'll be good. And I'll drink the…_apple juice, _way slower."

"You better." She snatched the cup from my hand.

I mentally promised myself to slow down. It's not like I _want _to get wasted in front of a whole bunch of adults. As interesting as that would be, I doubt they would appreciate the slur of bitchy remarks that would undoubtedly find there way out of my lips. Besides, boob job plus alcohol screams personal problems. Quinn's mom was the type of mom who ignores her daughter, but would have no problem holding in intervention in my honor. I'd rather not be ushered to sit on those couches that the _British butlers _refused to sit on, and then talked down to about acting inappropriately, drinking, and showing off a bit too much cleavage.

I shook the thought from my mind. "Is it good?" I tried to peek into Brittany's cup.

"Kinda." She held the cup towards me.

I took it and sipped. The whiskey clung to the roof of my mouth and thankfully the peach tea was able to calm my taste buds and keep me from gagging. _Perfect. _I handed the cup back to her and clenched my teeth as I adjusted to the stronger drink.

Quinn shut the fridge and walked back towards us. When I reached for the cup, she pulled it into her chest. "You have to promise not to do something insane. I've seen you at parties. And this isn't a party. This is a gathering of my mom's friends."

"Fine, fine, fine," I reached for the cup again. She didn't pull it away this time so I grabbed it, and started to drift it into my own chest.

Instead of taking the much-needed sip I wanted, I gestured toward the back where supposedly everyone else was. "Well, are we going to go?"

Quinn spun and started towards her backyard. I followed, and Brittany followed me.

I felt a soft, warm, heat crawl up my skin the second I stepped outside. I'd forced myself not to look around and see who was out there before hand. I just wanted to plunge in. But it was either the late afternoon sun, or the thought of their eyes locked on my chest that heated my body.

That night at Brittany's reeled through my mind. I remembered her asking Quinn to shut the window when I had started sobbing. What had they heard? Did they hear me crying? Did they already know? I clutched the alcohol in my hand and lifted the cup to my lips. Again, the whiskey clung to the roof of my mouth, and the peach tea quickly helped pull it down my throat.

When I pulled the cup from my face I found Tina and Artie approaching. _Artie? _Really? How did he even get out here?

"Hey ladies." Tina smiled as she stood up from pushing Artie's wheelchair. "You look cute Brittany." Tina reached out and pinched the white fabric of Brittany's dress between her fingers.

Brittany twisted with her feet planted, so the bottom of her dress spun and twirled around her calves.

Tina wasn't as dressed up as us. She was wearing all black. A cute black dress, but definitely nothing like my own black dress, that's for damn sure.

She turned to me. "Wow," she eyed me and that familiar blush came back, but it was accompanied by that same ghost-like feeling. "You look wonderful Santana. Your dress is…"

"Revealing." Artie blurted. I glanced down at him to see him staring at my chest. His eyes had glazed over.

Tina nudged him. "It's gorgeous. You look very nice."

The three of them, Tina, Artie, and Brittany started a conversation, but I didn't really listen. I glanced around at everyone else. Finn and Rachel were talking to Mike. Puck was hovering by a small table of sandwiches by himself. And Kurt and Mercedes were invested in what seemed like a very intense conversation just a few feet away from us.

I lifted my drink again and took a heavy sip. And when I brought my cup down, I kept it close to my chest, and used my arms to try and shield just how revealing my dress really was.

But I could still feel Artie's eyes flitting in my direction. Poor kid, probably has never even seen real life boobies. If I didn't feel so bad for him and is _virginity, _I would have snapped at him the instant his eyes made contact with my chest. I almost wonder if being with a guy like him would make things easier. Well, not for my popularity that's for sure, but for everything else…He'd be so nervous to even suggest sex that I could probably get away with just making him buy me dinner at _Breadstix _every other night, flowers, and jewelry with his parent's money and all I'd have to give is the occasional goodnight peck on the cheek. His parents would be so thrilled that he hooked the hottest _Cheerio _at McKinley that they'd be dumping money into his lap. All the while I could just get my _satisfaction _from a certain friend who happens to be wearing a very flattering white cocktail dress this evening. He'd be in both constant awe and terror of me that he would never have the guts to confront me about my lack of affection towards him. And if he did somehow find out about Britt or get jealous, I could just make out with her in front of him or something and he'd again turn into a blubbering little puppy. If I wasn't so worried about the guaranteed plummet of my reputation, I'd do it in a heartbeat…I'd date a guy that would be beyond thrilled just to call me his girlfriend, not a guy that brags about what I did to him the other night in the boys locker room.

Or, since that plan seems a little hard and involves me potentially exerting myself and pushing Artie's wheelchair…If we're throwing reputations down the toilet…Brittany's parents give her a healthy allowance. _Actually, what am I thinking?_ My dad's credit card is like an endless pot of gold. I would just buy her something new everyday and hang it on her locker with a note that has a heart and my name. And then in glee rehearsal I'd point out the fact that Finn never buys that midget stuff, so he's a sucky boyfriend. But I'd never buy her anything _too special _on regular days, because on holidays and her birthday I'd buy her something that would make her jaw drop. Like custom made unicorn gummies from that online candy store. And I know she'd go around bragging about it, ultimately making me look like a rich bad ass.

I looked back at Artie and caught him _casually _averting his eyes.

_Where's Quinn? _

I spun around and found her standing behind me. Her eyes gestured down to my chest. "Are you ready for another drink yet?" She questioned and took a final gulp from her cup.

I looked into my own cup. It was still three-quarters of the way full.

"Quinn, Quinn." A familiarly annoying voice drilled through my head. Rachel stopped right next to me. "I heard that the mayor was here."

Quinn slowly nodded. I could tell she was starting to feel the contents of her _sparkling cider. _

"Well, seeing as he has such a powerful influence over arts programs and impromptu performances for the community I'd love to speak with him about how we could go about getting The New Directions a chance to-"

Finn interrupted her. "Hi Santana."

I hadn't even noticed he was standing by her. My eyes narrowed as I glanced up at him. He was gawking at my chest. I could almost see the drool pooling up in the corner of his mouth.

"That's funny." Quinn softly commented and acknowledge Finn's ogling. _Yup, she's drunk. _She had probably been drinking since the party started.

Rachel stuttered and shifted her gaze towards me. It looked as if her eyes were going to bug out of her head.

"Uh, w-well, Santana. It's nice to see you're feeling better." She turned back to Finn. "Finn that drink?"

"Oh," He glanced up at my eyes and then back to Rachel. _So caught. _"Yeah, I'll be right back." He darted away and inside.

"Thanks _Crazy_ _Train_." I said and took a gulp from my drink. "I'm feeling loads better." I hoped that she didn't further inquire as to what I felt better from. Though, I'm sure the answer is right in front of her face.

When I pulled the drink down from my lips, she was staring at me, confused. Her mouth was parted and it looked like she had a permanent silent gasp glued to her face.

"Ozzy Osbourne…Come on Berry I thought you were musically literate." When she closed her mouth, but didn't pull her questioning eyes away from me I took another heavy sip of my drink. "You're not gonna start eating bat heads are you?" I cringed as I tried to swallow the whiskey coated peach tea.

"Excuse me?" Rachel's eyes finally blinked. "You're not comparing me to his crazy antics are you? While I do appreciate the absurdity and spontaneity of such an artist, I find that my talent surpasses the need for gimmicks…" Her eyes flicked down to my chest as she said the word _gimmicks. _

"Oh really?" I huffed. "Did you just imply what I think you implied?"

"I didn't imply anything Santana." She responded.

I glanced back at Quinn, who only shrugged.

"Hey," Brittany linked her arm in mine. She glanced at Rachel, and only nodded.

"Hello Brittany. You look cute." Rachel pursed her lips.

"I know." Brittany responded. She turned and spoke to me. "Want to get some food over there," She turned her head to look at the table Puckerman was hovering around.

I knew she was trying to pull me away from Rachel and she led me away, before I answered.

"It's okay Santana." She squeezed my arm. "Rachel is just being Rachel. You look hot. Just remember what I said about magnifying boobs." She unlinked her arm with mine as we reached the table.

She picked through food and put the hors d'oeuvres on a small clear plastic plate.

"Ladies." Puckerman approached. His eyes were locked on my chest. _That's better…_Last time I'd seen him, he hadn't even acknowledged me lying in Brittany's yard wearing a skimpy bikini. "So Santana." His eyes examined the rest of my body, before returning to my chest. "That's what you've been up to." The way he said it, almost sounded like he _knew…_but whatever.

"She's been up to what?" Brittany questioned as she kept her eyes on the food.

"Maturing." He glanced up at me.

Normally I'd be all over this situation. I'd have returned an equal amount of flirt, before pulling Brittany away and ending up sending him flirtatious glances the rest of the night. But now I was frozen. This is had what I wanted right?

"Do you want chips Santana?" Brittany ignored Puck and looked at me.

"You look hot too Brittany." He finally pulled his eyes away from me and directed them all over her body. "What are you ladies doing tonight?"

"We're going to Quinn's cocktail party." Brittany pursed her lips and turned toward me with a plate of food.

"What are _you_ doing tonight Santana?" He turned his attention back to me. "My mom's out of town. House to myself, and there's wine coolers, a new recliner, and a Barry White CD with our names written all over it."

"Santana." Kurt spoke between the three of us. "This dress is spectacular. Where did you get it?" He gestured his finger for me to spin.

His interruption was more than welcome. And I had to force myself not to shake him with gratitude.

I obliged and did a slow spin. My heels clicked on the patio as I did so.

"Saks. My dad brought it home from a business trip. Late birthday present." I shrugged. "Among other things."

I turned to Brittany. She was smiling. I turned back to Kurt who was gawking at my dress.

"Among other very hot upgrades." Puck added.

Even Kurt shook his head in annoyance. "It fits you like a glove." He looked up at me finally. His eyes reminded me of a little child in a candy store. I loved wearing expensive things around him. He always noticed and he was always visibly jealous.

"You look fabulous Kurt." Brittany tapped his elbow. "Sooo fab…" She hummed.

I didn't turn my head toward her, but I definitely shifted both eyes in her direction. Maybe alcohol wasn't such a good idea. Who was I kidding? I lifted my drink to my lips, filled my mouth, and swallowed the liquid in two gulps.

_Quinn!_ I had almost forgotten about her.

I looked past Kurt and saw her standing on the front porch fiddling with her cup.

"If you'll excuse me ladies," Kurt looked between Brittany and me. "I'm going to go freshen up." He turned and headed toward the house.

I sighed. That wasn't so bad. He didn't even mention my boobs. Maybe I'd overreacted about what people would think and say.

"So Santana," Puck stepped closer. "You never answered me. What do you say? Let's blow this joint, pick up some smokes, and then have a quickie out in the abandoned parking lot behind the gas station. We'd be back before anybody notices you're gone."

"I'd notice." Brittany stated. I looked over at her. Her eyes were glued to mine, almost pleading for me not to leave her alone. But there was something more to it. I'd never really seen this look from her.

"Well then come along with us." Puck looked to her and then turned back to me for an answer.

"Uhm hell no." I raised an eyebrow.

He scoffed and glanced back at Brittany. "Why not? It'd be totally hot and that way Brittany wouldn't get bored."

"Uhm," I snapped and cocked my head. "I'm pretty sure she'd get bored. You're not exactly the most exciting thing I've mounted." _That's true…_I glanced at Brittany and started to flush a little. Hopefully this new look she was giving me wouldn't allow her to read minds, because I swear she can see straight through me. Maybe I should stop thinking about mounting her.

"Were you bored last time?" Puck turned to Brittany.

My stomach plummeted. My jaw clenched. _What?_

She just shrugged and pulled her eyes away from me to look at Puckerman.

Oh my fucking goodness. Tears started to sting the back of my eyes. I had to clench my jaw even tighter to keep them from falling.

"Santana's right." Brittany mumbled.

Did she just admit to this in front of me? Yes I'd heard the rumors, but I had kind of just shrugged them off. At the time I hadn't cared if they were true or not. Had it been during that bon fire? When? Hadn't I asked her though? Yes. I had asked her that night if she had gotten with him. She said no. She wouldn't lie. _Right?_

That night slammed into my consciousness like a freight truck. We had been standing in that stupid itchy grass and she'd just walked over from a crowd at the bonfire. I'd just gotten out of the back of some guys truck after doing God knows what with him. I remember how hard my heart had pounded when she had started walking toward me. Quinn had just given me some pretty interesting _insight _about her and Puckerman. I had started crying before she had even reached me. She had wrapped her arms tightly around my body into one the most reassuring hugs I'd ever received.

_"Did you do stuff with Puck?" I had asked this with as little spite as I could manage. There had been no way I could have held the question back any longer._

_"Stuff?" She didn't understand._

_"Kiss him. Or anything." I had explained myself, but as I had done so my stomach tightened even further._

_"Well sure. He kissed me. Not for long though, it was kinda boring. And he came out of nowhere." She had said nonchalantly._

I laughed a little at the memory. She had said _boring _back then. How fitting for this situation. But she hadn't denied the sex thing. She had admitted the kissing thing, but I had purposely left the sex question up in the air.

My heart starting frantically pounding the same way it had that night.

"Well," Puck spoke. He looked a little hurt. Good. He deserved it. Asshole. "Santana as soon as you get your shit figured out and wanna take a ride on the Puck-a-lator you let me know." He looked back to Brittany and then back to me before he left.

_Shit figured out? _What shit? This thing between Britt and me? No. He was too dense to catch on. Wasn't he?

Those tears that had been stinging the backs of my eyes were now begging to fall out.

"Hey don't cry Santana," Brittany whispered and turned me towards the snack table and away from everyone else. "You'll ruin your make up."

I jerked my elbow away from her. "Sorry Britt, I'll try not to care that you slept with him."

"I was drunk Santana."

She admitted it. I clenched my cup until I thought the veins in my hands were going to pop.

"I don't care." I took a small step away from her.

I knew I shouldn't care. I hadn't been dating him at the time. And for that matter, in the back of my mind I always knew that they had hooked up. Not only that, but Britt and I aren't dating. She was free to do whatever the hell she wanted. If I started getting all freaky jealous then it was just going to make things more confusing.

"It looks like you care." She stepped towards me. "I'm so sorry Santana. As soon as I realized what I was doing I told him to stop. It kind of just happened. I didn't think you cared about him that much…" She whispered the last sentence so softly that I almost didn't hear it.

"I don't care about _him_." My heart paused its heavy beating for a second. _Oops. _"I mean, I don't know. It's just…It's not really that big of a deal." I was fumbling over my words now. "I guess I already kinda knew."

"I thought we just switched guys for the night." Brittany continued to whisper.

_Fuck. _She knew about the back of that truck. She knew I'd done stuff with Mark, the guy she'd been kind of _talking _to. It had started out as me trying to pull his attention from her and to me so I didn't have to spend the entire night making sure Mark didn't try and run off with her. I hadn't meant for it to go as far as it had.

"It's fine Britt." I looked at her. A suffocating wave of guilt filled my chest. I couldn't get mad at her for what she did, when I had done the same thing to her. But it still hurt. _Why? _Because of these stupid feelings for her?

"I am super sorry Santana. It only happened once. And never again."

"Okay." I nodded.

I hadn't cried. That was good. But I needed to step back a little. I needed to distract myself, before I did or said something that would make me cry. "Quinn wanted me to go inside with her real quick. To talk to her mom's friends."

Brittany stuffed a small sandwich in her mouth. "Okay." She held her hand up to her mouth as she spoke. "Do you want me to come?"

I glanced back up to where Quinn was. Still standing and still fiddling with her cup. I then glanced towards Mercedes and over to Tina. "You should mingle." I nodded towards the girls.

I could see her shoulders sink. "Ahh righh." She continued to speak with her mouth full of food.

I grabbed her cup that she had set on the hors d'oeuvres table. "I'll get you a refill."

I didn't wait for her to say anything before I left. And I made sure not to _storm _off. I didn't want her thinking I was mad. Because I wasn't. I was far from mad at her. I just needed to calm down. I needed to give myself a few seconds to process and digest everything.

Brittany and I weren't together. We probably wouldn't ever be together. We were best friends. Changing that was terrifying. I didn't know if I could sacrifice our friendship just to give our relationship a fitting label. And I didn't want a label anyway. If people found out, I'd be horrified. I was freaking out over Puckerman telling me to _figure my shit out, _so there was no way I could just date her and get everything out in the open. I had had near heart attacks after someone kind of hinted about us, I'm pretty sure I'd faint if someone just _knew. _

"Ready for that refill." I announced as I neared for Quinn. I put my cup up to my lips and swallowed the rest of the alcohol.

**XXXxxxxXXXxxXx**

Kurt dropped us off at Brittany's house. I really needed to stop bringing my car to places that had alcohol.

"I'm starving." I held the cupboard door to keep myself balanced and tried to focus on the food. But I couldn't really read anything or even process what kind of food was in there.

"I ate like forty sandwiches. I'm gonna explode." Brittany groaned from the kitchen table.

I turned to look at her. She had her forehead pressed flat against the table and her arms hung limply at her sides.

"Are you gonna get sick?" I left the cupboard open and started to walk towards her. "Let's get you to the bathroom." I put my hand on her shoulder. It was the first time I had touched her after what she had admitted about Puck. The entire night I had kind of hovered by her side, but never got any closer. And I had made sure to keep Quinn close.

"But you're hungry." She didn't move.

"It's okay. I'm not that hungry." I lied. I didn't want her puking all over her parent's table. They were sleeping and they'd either wake up, or find it in the morning. Both scenarios sounded equally bad for us.

"There's top ramen." She grumbled.

"Eh," I cringed. "I haven't been able to eat it since you told me it reminded you of Mr. Shue's hair."

"Gross Santana." Brittany groaned into the table.

"Sorry Britt." I grabbed her bicep with both of my hands. "Come on. Let's get you upstairs and into the bathroom." I had to squint my eyes to keep my vision from blurring.

She stood up with my help. We teetered through the hall and up the stairs. I didn't let go until we were in her bathroom.

A quick glance in the mirror told me that despite my intoxication, I still looked smoking hot. Maybe my eyes were a little red and my mascara was a tiny bit smudged, but who was looking at my eyes when my boobs were so very big.

I blinked away fuzziness that had started to drift through my vision.

"Let me get you out of this." I stepped behind her and started to untie the black sash belt around her waist. It slipped undone with one tug of the string. I unzipped the dress and pulled it down to her feet.

She wasn't going to get sick. I could tell. She just needed a little water. Neither of us was wasted. Just tipsy.

Bending over, I tapped her calf, "Britt step over the dress."

She listened and stepped out of the pooled dress now on her bathroom floor. I took the dress and hung it on a towel rack.

When I turned back and caught her reflection in the mirror, my breath hitched in my throat. She didn't have a bra. _Duh. _But I hadn't been expecting it. I coughed to clear the frogs in my throat.

I turned on the faucet and grabbed a paper cup from a drawer. "Here." I filled the cup with water and handed it to her. I made sure not to look at anything other than her face. I could feel an embarrassingly slow blush starting to creep up my neck.

The alcohol was amplifying my emotions. That had to be it. Her body looked so frickin' hot. I wanted to touch it. I needed to touch it.

My shaky hand started towards her. She was too busy drinking the water to notice. My hand cupped the side of her waist. I jumped at how warm she felt, and I jumped from the prickles that started at my fingertips and started to crawl up my arm. I even felt her stomach twitch from my touch.

I didn't look down though. I kept my eyes glued to the cup she was drinking. The corner of her lip lifted up into a subtle smirk and I began to question if she had planned this, and planned me leading her into the bathroom and helping her to undress…

She took a small breath as she pulled the now empty cup from her lips. I watched as she set it on the counter and my eyes ran over her chest on the way. Every muscle in my stomach twisted from the sight.

They were just sitting there. Perfect. I could touch them if I wanted. She'd probably let me.

"Do you want water?" Brittany asked as she flicked the water back on.

I jerked my eyes back up to her eyes and felt my blush deepen when her eyes flickered to _my _chest. She'd caught me. It's not like I had been sneaky though.

"No it's okay." I pulled my hand away from her waist and reached for her spare toothbrush.

I squeezed a little too much toothpaste on it and shoved it into my mouth. When I looked back at her she was putting toothpaste on her own toothbrush.

I brushed and brushed and brushed my teeth until I felt like the toothpaste was going to overfill and squeeze from my lips. My cheeks probably look like chipmunk cheeks. Any second I was betting Brittany was going to tell me so. She'd say something about storing toothpaste in my cheeks for the cold and long winter months. On second thought, maybe she wouldn't. She was still a _drunk_ (or pretending) and she was a little topless right now. She probably had other things to think about.

In the bustle to prep my toothbrush I'd found her chest in the mirror. I couldn't seem to pull my eyes away from the reflection. I had actually given up on trying. I was banking on either her not noticing how much I was blushing or her forgetting about it by the morning.

She leaned forward and spit into the sink.

I almost choked on my toothpaste. Her chest shifted, bounced, and hung.

The speed at which I was brushing my teeth my teeth dramatically slowed. I felt as if I were moving in slow motion. My toothbrush inched across my teeth and my eyes never faltered from her chest. I couldn't stop thinking about putting my mouth against them. I wouldn't even take the time to rinse my mouth. I'd spit the toothpaste into the sink and then suck every inch of her chest, leaving little toothpaste kisses everywhere.

"Want me to massage your boobs?" Brittany asked so nonchalantly that I thought I was imagining it. She started to refill her paper cup with water.

The toothpaste in my mouth ran down my throat. I jerked forward and coughed into the sink. I spit and hacked until my throat stopped tingling and the intruding toothpaste was out of my lungs.

It wasn't until I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror that I saw Brittany behind me, rubbing my back. _Did she just ask what I think she asked? _Sure we'd done stuff together (way more sexual that a boob massage), but ever since that night she found out about my summer surgery we hadn't even hinted at anything sexual.

It felt different between us.

It was hard to describe that different feeling. I had a boob job and hid it from her, and the night she found out she did one of the sweetest things she had ever done. She didn't get mad. She didn't ignore me. She had just been Brittany.

I coughed again. "You want to massage my boobs?" I turned on the water and started to splash cold water on my face.

"Well you're supposed to. That's what the paper said. So your boobs don't turn into boulders and knock you out during cheer practice."

"Oh." I stood back up and grabbed a towel to wipe my face. With the cloth stuffed over my eyes I could take a second to process everything. _Was the alcohol making me crazy? _

"It'll be totally hot anyway." She said.

I pulled the towel from my face and watched her shrug.

So I let her.

We went back into her room. She put on an over-sized shirt and gave me a matching t-shirt and a pair of her _Cheerios _sweatpants. I need to stop letting her buy extra-large shirts from the men's pajama section. Even if she insisted Lord Tubbington would sleep better if she wore a shirt with a large fish that said, _Bad Bass at Fishing. _

I was sitting at the foot of her bed. My shirt was bunched up on my lap. Her sweats were a little too long for me. They hung below my heels and if I curled my toes, my feet weren't even visible. I crossed my ankles and looked up at Brittany.

She was staring and squinting at my post-op instructions as if she were trying to burn a hole through it. Her nose was almost touching it. _She's still a little tipsy…_

"Is this safe?" I asked. I needed to say something to break the silence. I was getting antsy.

She looked over to me. "Totally safe. I even called this hotline number earlier and asked if they were absolutely positive about boob massaging. They said nothing bad could happen."

I nodded. "Wait…You called them?"

_She called them…Hmm…_

"Well yeah. I asked them if your nipples would pop off." She looked at me as if that were the most obvious question she could have asked, before returning her attention back to the paper in her hands.

Before I could stop it, a huge smile consumed my face. One of those smiles I got when Brittany bought me bubble gum Pop Rocks when I had had braces, because they were Pop Rocks not gum and therefore I could eat them. Or one of those smiles I got when everyone was dancing and singing during glee rehearsal.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been smiling, but I didn't waver until Brittany stepped in front of me. "What's so funny?" She leaned down and slapped my knee. "Dork."

My smile softened when I looked up at her. "Just had a good day."

Well, maybe that was an over-exaggeration. I hadn't exactly had a good day…but it was ending good after all things were considered. I finally had showed everyone else my boobs and nobody had said anything too _judgmental_. The rest of this was going to be cake. Brittany even admitted to the whole Puck thing.

My smile drained. I'd forgotten about that.

"How do you want to do this?" Brittany stepped in front of me so her knees bumped into mine. I regretted putting on the sweats, since she was only wearing a fish shirt and her underwear. The paper was still clutched in her hand.

"Do what?" I'd only processed about half of what she had said. I was still trying to muddle and sort through the whole Puck situation.

"The massaging. Do you want to be sitting or laying down?"

I gave a delayed response and looked to the paper in her hand."Uh. I don't know. What's the paper say?"

"It doesn't." She set the paper on the bed. "You should lie down." She decided.

"Okay." I shifted and scooted back a little. I tried not to look too nervous or awkward. So I kept my eyes away from her eyes and locked my sight on her hands.

As soon as my head hit the mattress I closed my eyes.

The bed shifted as she crawled up. I could feel the insides of her thighs graze the outside of my thighs as she scooted up. She stopped moving and sat straddling just above my hips.

"Oh, here." She raised off of me. I opened my eyes to watch her pull my t-shirt up my waist, so when she sat back down she was sitting on bare skin. "Actually," She glanced at me. "Can I just take this off for now?"

I nodded, not able to get any words out.

She inched it up, I wiggled and pulled my arms out of the armholes.

When the shirt was off I didn't panic. She'd seen my new boobs before…well, maybe not while straddling me.

But this was different. Everything about us was different. Almost calming. I felt at ease and for the first time since everything started between us, I closed my eyes because I felt so at ease, not because I was trying to stop a panic attack.

Her fingertips trickled up my skin, up my stomach, leaving a trail of goose bumps. When her hands feather touched the bottom of my chest I let out a begging noise. The anticipation of her touch had caused me to hold my breath, and the instant she touched my boob I couldn't stop the pleasured grunt that squeezed through my throat.

She pulled her hands away. "Did that hurt?"

I opened my eyes. She looked terrified. Her eyes were wide and flashing between my eyes and my chest.

My stomach tightened and twisted. I squirmed beneath her and pinched my thighs. "No." I closed my eyes again. "Keep going."

Her fingers repeated that trail back up and when she grazed over my chest for the second time I was able to stifle my groan.

She squeezed.

"Shit!" I jerked and my eyes snapped open. "Fucking ow."

Brittany lifted her hands and kept them floating inches above my chest. It had felt like she had twisted knives that had been shoved through my nipples.

Her eyes were doe-eyed again. "Sorry." She waited for another second, and when I didn't respond she continued. "It'll only hurt for a second."

"Okay," I sighed, but didn't close my eyes this time. I watched her hands instead.

Her hands moved back down to my chest. She cupped each breast and softly squeezed.

It hurt, but instead of saying something I kept my body tight and rigid and let her start kneading.

It only took a few minutes and the sharp pain dulled. Now it felt like a distant throb each time her fingers squeezed and palmed over my nipples. And then she started to put more pressure. She rocked into my chest and her center started to grind into me.

I looked up from her hands and to her face. She was biting her lip and her jaw flexed with each kneading motion she made.

_Fucking hot. _

I started to walk two fingers up her thigh. Her motions stuttered from my touch, but she continued her massage.

"Hey Britt?" I husked her name.

"Mmhmm?" She barely noticed.

"Let me do something."

She finally slowed and stopped. Her eyes were hooded and her lips was pink from where she had been biting them. "Do what?" She looked lost.

Instead of answering her I snaked my finger through the waistband of her underwear. _Now I bit my lip in concentration. _I brought my other hand up and slithered a finger underneath the fabric near her center.

She let out a heavy breath as I pulled her underwear to the side and used two fingers from my free hand to slip through her folds. She was so wet. I had to pinch my thighs again to keep myself from bucking her off and touching myself to relieve the tension.

"Hmm," Brittany hummed and leaned forward. She tucked her face into my neck. Her lips parted and swallowed the skin just below my ear.

As she continued to tease her lips and tongue across my neck, I continued to slip my fingers through her folds. I was still fascinated with how slippery she was and how easily my fingers glided across her.

"Sit up Britt." I hushed and pressed harder into her folds.

Her lips broke from my skin and she let out another heavy breath.

"Sit up." I repeated.

She sat up. Immediately her eyes searched and found my fingers that were touching her.

With one hand I pulled the fabric of her underwear further to the side and with my fingering hand I slid my middle finger again, dipped at her entrance, but didn't enter. She rocked her hips down in response.

I slid the same finger again, dipped at her entrance, and this time I pushed in. Her walls were swollen and instantly consumed my finger.

Her body shuddered in response. Her mouth parted. I hooked and twisted my finger, manipulating her breaths and gasps.

She started to rock into my finger. She placed her palms against my stomach and worked down onto my finger until I couldn't go any deeper.

"Put in another." She begged and gasped.

I shoved a second finger in her. It was tight, but the noise she made told me it was anything but painful.

She started her motion again. Almost like a figure eight. Occasionally I'd curl my fingers or twist them to maker her gasp.

"Shhh…" I hushed her after I'd pressed my thumb into her mound.

"I-I can't," Brittany started to rock faster.

This was maybe the hottest thing I'd ever seen. Was this what guys got to watch when girls were on top of them? Was this what I looked like? Was this what Brittany looked like on top of Puck?

I yanked my hands away. My fingers easily slipped out of her.

She froze, half gasp. "What's wrong?" She said in between a heavy breath. I watched her try to swallow an unexpected gulp and continue to try and catch her breath.

"Can we do this a different way?" I whispered and tried to move, but she kept me pinned between her thighs.

"This feels good," she pouted. "Does it hurt you?"

"No…"

"What's wrong then?" She lifted her hands from my stomach.

"I just don't like doing it this way." I whispered.

"Oh…kay." She looked at our position. I could tell she still didn't understand. "Okay." She started to swing her leg over me and climb off.

I reached and grabbed her thigh. That look on her face was too heartbreaking. I couldn't just stop. "We can finish."

She sat back down on me. "But if you don't like it," she countered.

"I like it…I just…feel like Puck or a guy or something."

She mouthed the word, _oh, _but didn't actually say it. "Santana you're not Puck. This is way better." She reached for my hand. "I like your lady parts and your lady fingers."

I didn't answer.

"We can stop." Brittany nodded. "I'm sorry. I should have told you instead of assuming you already knew about Puck." She let go of my hand and wiped a small quick falling tear with the back of her hand. "I just didn't know. If I thought you would have been upset I would have never gone near him. I left right away when I noticed what was happening. I just didn't think you liked him, so I didn't say anything. I thought you liked Mark." She wiped another tear.

I closed my eyes and covered them with the crook of my elbow. This was way too confusing. _Just tell her. _"I…" I stopped. "It has nothing to do with Puck. I don't really like him like that, I use him for my reputation."

We sat in silence for a second. I wanted to peek out from my elbow and look at her. And I almost did. That's until I felt her lean forward and smile into my lips. "You're not a boy and I like it that way."

Her lips pressed into mine. They were warm and wet. We kissed slowly to start out. Her lips would capture mine, and I'd echo her movements. Then she started to push harder. Her tongue dipped out and slipped over my bottom lip. The next time I felt her tongue, I parted my mouth and let her slip in. Our tongues pressed and slip across each other, just like rubbing velvet.

She spoke through the kiss, "Put your fingers back in." It wasn't demanding the way she said it. It was her way of letting me know what she wanted, and she wanted _me_…

Brittany would never intentionally have done something to hurt me. I had no doubt, just as I had blacked out that night and had woken up next to Mark, she had blacked out and found herself with Puck.

I slipped my hand under the waistband of her underwear. She had drenched them and the back of my hand brushed across her wetness on the fabric and my fingers slid through her folds. "Take your underwear off." I spoke when her lips had parted from mine to take a breath during our heated kiss.

She scurried and yanked her underwear off, and was on top of me again before I had a chance to blink. Her lips met mine again for a short kiss.

"Okay sit up." I ordered.

She sat up on her knees, her center lifted from my stomach. I moved a hand up, fingered her slit, and then finally pushed two fingers back inside her. She bucked into my hand and her back tightened and arched. My palm slammed against her mound, causing her to squeeze around my fingers.

She guided my hand back down until the back of my hand was flat against my stomach. And then she smiled. It was exactly like my silly little _Pop Rock _smile I'd given her earlier. It flashed and was gone as soon as she started to rock.

Her movements quickened. I could hear her slapping against my palm. Her breathless grunts mirrored the slap.

Hopefully her parents couldn't hear this, because I wasn't too sure we'd be able to explain…But I was too entranced to think about getting up and locking the door. There was no way I was going to stop this.

I curled my fingers and pressed against a swollen part inside of her. She froze.

"Fuuuhh," She gasped and then slowly rolled her hips into my hand.

I straightened my fingers and then curled them again.

Her body dipped down into me and she again tucked her lips into the crook of my neck. A droning groan vibrated from her mouth and against the skin of my neck. Her body twitched and she tightened against my fingers.

I let her come down before I pulled my fingers out. And even after that, she lay against my bare, tender, chest and kept her heavy breaths hidden against my neck.

I swung my arms around her neck and hugged her further into me.

**xxxXXXXxx**

**A/N: wanted to save my comments till the end. thank you all for the reviews. This chapter ended up being way longer than I intended, but since when is that ever bad ;) I can honestly say I've never written a chapter where my plan and idea actually went as planned. Please let me know what you think. It keeps me headed in the direction you want. **


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Glee, Friendship, Romance