Gundam Wing/AC Saying Goodbye

It started as many things do small. A little nausea after eating, dizziness when I would stand, tiny red dots that would appear when I coughed; all very small insignificant things that I blamed on the recent chilly weather. But as many things do these did not stay small for long for as the weather improved I did not. The nauseous feeling had now led to vomiting after each and every meal, the slight dizziness now usually results in full black-outs, the tiny red dots were not so tiny anymore. What surprises me was how I was able to hide my condition for so long, but I wonder why didn't I just ask for help. I think maybe I didn't want to acknowledge that something was wrong in my perfect little world. The earth was at peace with the Colonies, I'd finally snagged my Gundam pilot and bore his seed a beautiful little girl by the name of Genevieve. Everything was flawless and some cold wasn't going to ruin it. But my friends aren't senile after a while they took note of the weight loss, the paling of my skin the thinning of hair. Though they noticed no one said a word, instead they merely stared through cornered eyes and that hurt worst than words ever could. Then came the day that changed everything, it was when little Genevieve now four asked "Mommy are you sick?" that's when I knew it was time to see a doctor.

There I found out what I'd been fearing for the last couple of days I had cancer, lung cancer to be exact. The doctors said since I'd waited so long there was really little they could do. I could try risk surgery but in this already weakened state there was little chance of survival. My only options were now chemotherapy or they could make my last few months comfortable. I'd seen many who chose the route of chemo only prolonging their suffering to die in the end anyway........no I would accept my fate. The doctors predicted I had six months, eight if I was lucky. The months went by rather quickly as my health continued to deteriorate so bad that these last few days I've been reduced to a wheel a chair. Life didn't change much though beside my working hours and the time I spent with my husband Heero and Genevieve and that was because I didn't want it to.

After finding about out my condition I made it clear to all of them I didn't want to be treated any differently. I didn't want their last memories of me to be of some weak pathetic woman wasting away to nothing, no I want them to remember the strong-willed spirited person I always tried to be. For the most part they kept their word but at times such as when visiting Duo and Hilde I could see tear forming behind those bright smiles and noticed shaking in those calm voices. But who I worried for the most was my dear Heero. To the regular human eye he acted no differently after discovering my fate, yes the perfect soldier was still a master at hiding his emotions but not from me I know him to well. From how when he spoke his voice became less monotone like and how he would stare at me for just a little to long and just a bit to hard that was Heero's grief. I also worried for Genevieve looks like she would have to grow up without a mother and hurt the worst. I wouldn't be there for her first day of school, or to sit at her wedding or anything else for that matter. That's why I changed my work hours to spend more time with them because they would suffer the most. Slowly as the days narrowed down to this week I finally stopped working all together. The doctors had been begging me for the past three weeks to go on bed rest. I refused of course the only reason I lay here now is because during my weekly address to the people I blacked out and they forced me to stop. Since then they've been visiting constantly they meaning: Duo, Trowa, Quatre, Hilde, Wufei, Sally, Milliardo, Une, and even little Mariemaia who's not so little anymore came. I know though they know as well as I do that I lay in my deathbed.

Yesterday I wrote a letter to Genevieve apologizing for my stubborn behavior and not seeking help when I knew something was wrong and told her to grow up to be strong and to always take care of her daddy he would her to then before exhaustion took over I told her that I loved her and I'll be watching down from heaven.. Then for the first time since finding out I was sick I cried. I cried from all the pain I endured, that I was dying, that I was leaving my friends, but most of all that I was leaving my family that one thing I always craved. During the midst of this breakdown Heero walked in, when I noticed him I tried to wipe away my tears but he took my hands and stopped me from doing so.

"No it's alright." He whisperers in my ear

He then picked me up and carried me to the bed laying me down softly before getting in with me. We stayed just like that for nearly two hours with me crying into his chest whispering the words" it's not fair "over and over again as he stroked my hair gently. I felt guilty for unloading on him like this, wasn't he the one losing some one, the one that should be comforted but though I knew all of this I still couldn't bring myself to stop crying. That's how I fell asleep with Heero holding me tightly but when awoke this morning I was alone. There was something strange about this dull September morning there seemed to be an eerie calm to everything. From how the trees swayed carelessly in the soundless wind to how the sky was a mixture of grays and orange all seemed to say this going to be my last morning. As this realization set in into room walked Genevieve accompanied by Heero, her normally perky disposition now a sad and somber mood. She leaves him at the door and approaches my bed I look up to Heero he looks at me then to Genevieve in doing so he told he only left to tend to her. I look back down to her and see that she forces a smile trying to be strong for her mommy. That only made me want to cry but if she was going to be strong for me I was going to be strong for her, at least for this last time.

I stare into her golden eyes and know there's nothing left to say so instead using what little strength I had, I reached down and picked her up and placed her on my lap before beckoning Heero to the bed. I closed my eyes as I felt him slide in next to me and Genevieve fall heavily against me in turn I did the same letting myself rest against Heero. This was it what the doctors had been predicting , what I in a way had been eagerly awaiting my death. I opened my eyes and looked up finding myself staring directly into Heero's Prussian blues and for the third time in all my years of knowing him I see him cry. I stare back to Genevieve her eyes are closed tightly but that does little to stop the tears from flowing, I feel something wet against my own cheek and realize I'm crying too. These are my last moments of life, of being Relena PeaceCraft-Yuy. I feel myself growing weaker and weak as the embrace of death nears I must tell the before it's too late.

"I love and goodbye." Then I closed my eyes and faded into the darkness.

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I actually had this posted here a few years ago and I though it was time to bring it back. So review and tell me what you think.


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Gundam Wing/AC