Kingdom Hearts 1. Kairi the Purple Chicken

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars!**

**By: Riku's-Kitsune-Mate**

**Kairi**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts! If I did, Kairi's parents would be blue rhinoceroses!

**Author's Note:  
**Yes, it is I, the elusive Riku's-Kitsune-Mate! Those of you who have read my other stories are probably thinking: "What the hell? Why is she starting another story when she has 4 others to work on?" Well, the answer is simple really! I had too much sugar! I know this has been done before, but I don't really care! No flames! They will be used to make s'mores for me, Sora, and Riku! For those who haven't read my other stories - Welcome! This is different from the usual kind of story that I write! Very random! Enjoy, and if I get enough reviews, I'll post the Sora chapter that I already have done!

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"Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars …" was the sound that came out as Kairi walked timidly out on to the stage. She sat in the chair mysteriously placed in the middle of the stage …..

"Kairi … she's screwed everyone on the island …" the voice said. You could hear the smirk in it's voice.

"That's a lie! I have not!" Kairi retorted, shocked.

"Yes you have."

"Have not."

"Right … Kairi has a secret crush on Elvis Presley …"

"What the hell? Who's that?"

"Kairi … her parents are two blue rhinoceroses …"

"You liar! They are HUMAN BEINGS!"

"Prove it."

"Do I look like a blue rhinoceros to you?" she yelled.

"… … Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Yes!"

"Actually you look like a purple chicken. Happy?"

"NO! I DO NOT!"  
"Kairi the purple chicken … she stalks Sora …"

"I do not! He's just a friend! Hear that, voice? F-R-I-E-N-D!"

"Yeah, right. Uh-huh. L-I-A-R."

"Am not!"

"Whatever … Kairi, when she grows up, she wants to be a professional blue rhinoceros zoo keeper …"

"What is it with you and blue rhinoceroses?"

"I like them … Are you a blue rhinoceros hater?"

"RHINOCEROSES AREN'T BLUE!"

"That's what you think … Kairi … she hates her parents because they are blue rhinoceroses …"

"I do not hate my parents! They are human parents! I don't even know why I'm putting up with this!" Kairi said as she stormed off the stage.

"Now you know, Kairi the purple chicken …"

"THEY DO NOT!" Kairi yelled from backstage.

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So, what'd you think? Love it? Review. Don't know? Review anyways. Hate it? Pretend like you like it! Ja ne! I'm thinking anywhere between 5 or 10 reviews, and I'll post the next chappie! Ja ne!


	2. Sora has had WAAAY too much sugar

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars**

**Sora has had WAAAAAY too much coffee ...**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts ... but I own Sora's coffee

**Sora:** Gimme!

**Author's Note:**  
Wow, you all are sooo awesome! Thanks for all the reviews that you guys gave me! They were all really great! This chapter is dedicated to Darkblade Wielder, Ayeshagirl, Random gurl101, Kaiba's my bitch, Tara, Inumaru 12, Jupiter-Lightning, Animanga Fan, Kitsune Chic, noname! You guys are like soooo special!

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Sora ran onto the stage, running and jumping around like an insane monkey. He found the stool sitting in the middle of the stage and jumped onto it. 

"Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars …"

"Huh? Who's that? Is it that mysterious voice that I always hear in the game?"

"Yes, it is the voice. Remember, you are the one that will open the door …"

"Really? Which door? That one over there?" Sora asked excitedly as he ran over to the fire exit door. He opened it and the sprinklers started to go off.

"Great. Now I'm wet. Erm … Sora, why are you so hyper?"

"Because Riku gave me coffee! COFFEE, COFFEE, COFFEE!"

"Erm … right. Sora, he has a strange addiction to exploding pumpkins …"

"Exploding pumpkin? WHERE?" Sora asked excitedly, looking around in earnest.

"I was just guessing … Sora, his best friend Kairi stalks him …"

"She does? Wow, that's like sooo special!"

"I DO NOT!" Kairi yelled from backstage.

"Sora, his parents are pink elephants …"

"Le gasp!"

"I knew it, you're French!"

"WHO TOLD YOU- I mean, no I'm not." Shifty eyes.

"I'm getting scared …"

"That's good!"

"Sora, he likes to sing to Britney Spears in the shower …"

"Oh, do you like to do that too? What's your favorite song? Mine is 'Oops I Did It Again'" Sora yelled, jumping on top of the stool and singing. "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN, I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART, GOT LOST IN THE GAME, OH BABY, BABY –"

"MAKE IT STOP! IT BURNS US!" the voice screamed.

"Okay," Sora said, jumping down and sitting once again. Suddenly, he pulls out a pair of bunny ears on a headband.

"What's that?"

"I have a hat!" Sora exclaimed as he dawned the new piece of clothes.

"This is getting too weird … Sora, he is jealous of the crush Kairi has on Elvis Presley …"

"She does? I wonder what he tastes like…"

"Sora, be quiet."

"Okay, I'll be quiet! I'll be so quiet you won't even know I'm here! I mean, you'll think I like disappeared or something, I'll be so quiet! Being quiet is sooo not a problem! I can-"

"Do you want me to hurt you?"

"Yes, please, but that's besides the point. You'll think I'll have died that I'm so quiet! I can think of a hundred things that are less quiet than me –"

"Sora, he is leading an army of evil squirrels to take over London, England …"

"How do you keep finding out my plans for world domina- I mean, I do not!"

"Now you know Sora, the sugar high boy …"

"GO POWER PUFF GIRLS!"

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**Author's Note:  
**There ya go! Review! If I get 10 more reviews, I'll post the very random Sora chapter that my best friend wrote when she was bored! Her writing style is identical to mine, and I added some things of my own in there! So, review, and Ja Ne! 


	3. Sora 2: The Teddy Bear Stalker

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars!**

**Sora 2: The Teddy Bear Stalker**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts ... But one day, I will be the ruler of the world!  
**Kitsune Chic:** Oooh, centimeters or inches?

**Author's Note:  
**Well, here's my friends chapter for everyone's lovable Sora, and his teddy bear-ical whims ... Please review! My friend loves reviews! So do I, for that matter ...

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"Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars..." came the voice of intimate doom as Sora came out and sat down on a chair set in the middle of the stage after losing a bet with Wakka. "Sora ..." The voice continued "He stalked Riku only to find that he frenched Cloud..."

"What!" retorted Sora. "Thats not true! Riku would never do anything like that! Besides... I stalk Riku only to find out more interesting facts about his teddy bear... Mr. Pudding Pants."

"Yeah right. Whatever. Sora something ... he bungee jumped off of his roof with a rope tied to a chair stuck in the chimney..."

"Really?" Sora said as he pulled out a bag with a few scrap books inside. "Oops! This is my Mr. Pudding Pants scrapbook..." said Sora as he flipped through the pages. "Aww! I remember that! That was the day that Riku took Mr. Pudding Pants to the beach and they went swimming! Riku still hasn't gotten the smell out."

"Okay then..." The voice replied,it's voice starting to show some fear. "Sora... He made out with a spork... after Mr. Pudding Pants and Riku ate pop-tarts with calamari with it!"

"Huh! I may be weird and a teddy bear stalker but I never did that!" Sora exclaimed, his voice now holding some annoyance. "No one is that stupid!"

"Right... Except you! Stalker..."

"I'm not a stalker!" Sora yelled now clearly annoyed at the voice.

"Okay, Sora Stalker"

"I'M NOT A STALKER!"

"Sora ... he once took a belly dancing class to impress Kairi!" said the voice clearly enjoying Sora's reactions.

"HEY! I DON'T DANCE! Besides ... I don't even like Kairi! I like Mr. Pudding Pants!"

"Meanie head!" Kairi yelled from behind the stage.

"Sora... He hates Kairi just because she doesn't have a teddy bear and her parents are blue rhinoceroses ..."

"You know what?"

"Let me guess... You hate Kairi!"

"No." Sora retorted. "I don't have to take this!" said Sora as he felt like he and just come up with the most brilliant plan of the year.

"What do you mean ... Kairi hater!"

"THIS!" Shouted Sora as he ran off of the stage and hurried to find Riku and His teddy bear.

"Now you know... Sora the teddy bear stalker!"

"THEY DO NOT YOU INSANE FREAK!"

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Author's Note:  
Reviews, please! Next up: Selphie ...  
Selphie: Really? WHEEEEEE! 


	4. Selphie the Sugar High Monkey

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars!**

**Selphie the Sugar High Monkey ...**

**Author's Notes:**  
Yes, I know this one took awhile to get out, but I've been really busy. I've almost got all my other chapters done for my other stories and I've been working on those with almost all my spare time! So, to make it up, when I update those, I'll update this one too, with the longest chapter yet! And, with everyone's favorite bishie, Riku!  
**Riku:** Oh, joy ...  
**Me:** ((squeals and jumps on Riku)) I do love torturing you, though!  
**Riku:** ((sweatdrops))

**Disclaimer:** I no ownie Kingdom Hearts ... or a monkey. And now, not a candy bar, either! So sad ...

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"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars," came a booming voice as a young brunette skipped happily on to the stage, hyped up on too much sugar. Yellow ripples of her dress flowed each bound and leap, and she quickly jumped on to the stool in the middle of the stage. 

"Selphie … she is really a monkey …"

"Really? I'm a monkey? Then where's my tail?"

"Uh … right. Selphie … I'm her mother," the voice cooed, leaving a confused Selphie down below.

"Really? You're my mother? Hi, mommy!" Selphie yelled while waving a hand rapidly towards the ceiling. Back and forth, back and forth …

"I'm not really your mama," the voice said, fear evident in it's voice.

"Aww, that's too bad …" Selphie said, before turning towards a random Heartless passing by. "… Are you my mommy?" she asked, before the Heartless turned around and ran from the frightening little girl.

"Bye, bye!" she called after it.

"Selphie … she frightens me …"

"Really? I think chainsaw wielding maniacs are scarier!"

"I think I need to call a therapist … Selphie … she's a book!"

"I'm not a book! I'm a jump rope! I mean half a jump rope! I mean … grrr!"

"Have you taken your pills this morning?"

"Nope! Sporks shall rule the world! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"That's probably not good. Selphie … her nose has muffin power!"

"It does? Cool!" Sephie jumped up on the stool. "From now on, I shall be … dun dun dun … MUFFIN GIRL!"

"Oy, I'd hate too see her after Halloween … Selphie, she's the mayor candy land …"

"Awesome! I want a licorice jump rope! Oh, and a chocolate bunny!"

"I swear, you're an insane monkey!"

"Yeah I like monkeys. And potatoes, and pudding, and cereal, and bunnies!

"THAT'S IT! SECURITY!" the voice called, and two teamsters climbed on to the stage.

"You shan't take me alive!" Selphie yelled, running around on the stage while the two teamsters watched.

"Catch her!"

"Never!" the brunette screamed, dodging a lunge.

The voice sighed. "When you want things done right, you have to do them yourself … Here, Selphie," the voice called as a chocolate bar on a rope was lowered above the stage.

"CHOCOLATE!" the over active girl yelled, jumping at the candy bar. She latched on to it, yanked it off, and ran outside, ranting about how chocolate was her best friend …

"Do we even want to know Selphie the Sugar High Monkey?"

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**Author's Notes:**  
Love it? Hate it? Like I said, everyone's favortie hot bishie next! 


	5. Riku the Oompa Loompa

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars!**

**Riku the Ooompa Loompa **

**Author's Note:**  
Like I promised, everyone's favorite bishie! The chapter title says it all ... Enjoy!

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Riku stepped onto the stage and sat on the stool placed in the center of the stage with an arrogant air of confidence. After seeing what had happened to Kairi and Sora, he was determined to beat the voice once and for all. 

"Know you stars, know your stars, know your stars …" was heard on the stage as the lights faded blue and a spotlight was shone on the silver haired bishie. "Riku … he puts on tights and a bed sheet and pretends to be Danny Phantom …"

"WTF? I do not! You lie!"

"Then why do I have a picture of some kid that has hair the same color as you?"

"I don't know!"

"Whatever … Riku, he is having a secret affair with Ansem …"

"What? I am not! Ansem is an evil freak!" Riku yelled at the voice and barely missed the Dark Firaga spell that went whizzing past his head. "HEY!" he yelled backstage where Ansem was looking around inconspicuously.

"I didn't do it …" Ansem said, looking at the ceiling.

"Riku, he frenched Cloud … and we have witnesses!"

"I did not! I don't even like Cloud!" Riku screamed as a giant sword and a gunblade flew past his head.

"Riku … people like throwing things at him …"

"NO THANKS TO YOU!"

"Don't you raise your voice at me, young man!"

"I'm not five! You can't tell me what to do! I'm older than you!"

"Yeah, right … this coming from the kid who makes Ed Elric look tall …"

"HEY!" Riku and Ed yelled at the same time.

The voice sniggered. "Riku … he was in an Herbal Essences commercial …"

"What? I was not! Those shampoo wearing freaks can go to hell!"

" Don't insult the shampoo people, you're just jealous that they have better jobs than you," the voice said, while Riku glared. "Riku … he's an Oompa Loompa in disguise …"

"What the hell is an Oompa Loompa?"

"Geeze, Riku doesn't even know what his own species is … so sad … WHEEEEEE!"

"I'm not an Oomfa Loofa!"

"Oompa Loompa," the voice corrected.

"Whatever!"

"Riku … he is afraid of the Trix Rabbit and Lucky the Leprechaun …"

"I am not! Those cereal freaks are just stupid!"

"Then why don't you ever buy their cereal?"

"Because I don't like cereal!"

"And that's because you don't like the Rabbit and the Leprechaun."

"Exactly- Hey, what a second! You tricked me!"

"I did not! Riku ... he's coo coo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"I am not! You freak!"

"No I'mnot! Riku … he is a replica and the real one is hiding in the shadows plotting his demise …"

"I'M THE REAL RIKU!"

"Then why aren't you in the shadows plotting your demise?"

"That makes no sense!"

"Or maybe you just don't get it … Riku, he wishes he was sexy like the real Riku …"

"I am sexy! And I'm the real Riku!"

"Well, why don't you take off your shirt and show us?"

"Fine! I will!" Riku replied heatedly, while taking off his shirt. All the Riku fangirls faint.

"Okay, maybe he is sexy … Watch out for Sora …"

"What?" Riku asked confused, but realized too late when he felt Sora glomp him.

"Riku is soooo hot!" Sora cooed, starry eyed.

"Sora, why are you on me?"

"Because the "voice" told me that if I glomped you, it would let me have Mr. Pudding Pants," Sora replied simply.

"Why are you obsessed with my teddy bear?"

"Ummm … because?"

"Well, nobody is getting my teddy!"

"Aww," Sora replied, getting off of Riku.

"Riku … he doesn't like his best friend …"

"I do too! I'm always nice to Sora!"

"Then why don't you give him your teddy bear?"

"Because it's mine!"

"Riku … he wants to be a bunny named Master Boo …"

"I DO NOT! I – "

"Oh, hey Sora! Here's the teddy bear, just like I promised!"

"Yays! Mr. Pudding Pants!" Sora squealed in the projection room.

"NO! MR. PUDDING PANTS!" Riku yelled, running off stage to reclaim his teddy bear.

"Now you know Riku, the sexy Oompa Loompa in disguise …"

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**Insane Author:**  
Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! 


	6. Leon the Fairytopia Barbie

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars!**

**Leon the Fairytopia Barbie!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Kingdom Hearts. But I do own the randomness!

**Author's Randomness:**

Hi, y'all! Sorry this took so long to update, but I've been really busy! Me and my friend are working together on this one, because there was only one computer open in the computer lab and we were too hyper for our own good! I hope you all enjoy! Don't forget to review!

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"Know your stars, Know your stars, Know your stars…" the voice rang throughout the stadium as the cold hearted Leon walked up onto the stage. He sat down on the stool and immediately the show began … 

"Hi peoples! This time the show will be run by me and my friend that is currently typing this!"

"HI DOGGIES!"

"You two are freaks…" Leon commented as he listened to the insane feminine voices.

"Anyways, Leon… He's the king of the mole people…"

"Am not. Do I look like Moleman to you?"

"Well… Umm… Do you really want us to answer that? And I can't even believe that you watch that show!"

"Actually you look like a beaver to me," said the sugar high RKM.

"GUACAMOLE!" yelled the author's even sugarhigh-er friend, Ame.

"Whatever ..." Leon said, tuning the two girls out.

"Are you sure you're not drunk?" RKM asked.

"Yep!" her friend replied.

"I'm still keeping you away from the kitchen knives!"

"Okitabies! I still have bombs!"

"Leon… He wants to blow up the Alarm Clock shop…"

"Eh. What can I say? I'm not a morning person…" Leon replied.

"Don't you just love the dot dot dots?"

"Hn. You two frighten me…" Leon observed.

"DOT DOT DOT!" both sugar high girls yelled.

"I like knitting… Cats…!" Ame yelled.

"Like I said… You frighten me," both Leon and RKM said at the same time. Ame turned to RKM. "When did you say that I frighten you? Oh nevermind."

"Is this going anywhere?" Leon asked.

"Is there a point to that sentence?" Ame asked in return.

"Why you –" Leon started, but was interrupted when Selphie charged the stage, a bag in her hand.

"CHEETOS!" Selphie yelled, throwing a handful of the chips at the older man. "Eh-heh… It's a good thing looks can't kill… 'Cause uh… I'd be dead by now if they could!"

"Leon… He's part popsicle!"

"Is he cherry or grape flavored!" Ame asked.

"I am not!" Leon screamed starting to loose his cool.

"You did what, with who, for _how many _jelly beans?" Selphie asked.

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Aww…" Selphie said, turning to a random passing heartless "Do _you _make any sense?"

"Get away from me Selphie," the ticked man said, trying to regain his composure.

"Okay! But… MUFFIN GIRL SHALL RETURN!" Selphie said as she ran out the door in a Superman pose.

"Leon… His hair is really hot pink…"

"I HATE PINK!"

"Leon… Cloud cheated on him with Riku!"

"What? When I get my hands on that little punk…"

"See? I told you that you did something with someone for some amount of jelly beans!" Selphie yelled from the projection room.

"Selphie," the sugar high girls began "If we give you some pocky will you get out of here?"

"Pocky…" said as she began drooling.

"Here, Selphie," RKM said, handing the brunette a mop. "Mop up this drool or your play-doh will get slimy."

"Eww …" Selphie and Ame said at the same time.

"Will you two pay attention!" Leon roared from below, his patience wearing thin.

"Leon … he's really Barbie!"

"I am not! Barbie is a plastic freak!"

"Hey, Barbie-"

"I'm not Barbie!"

"- If you're so popular, why do we have to buy you friends?"

"I'm NOT BARBIE!"

"Leon, his hair is pink because he's the new Fairytopia Barbie!"

"Hi Barbie! How are you? I love you!" Ame started yelling in a high-pitched voice.

"Why you –"

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world," the song rang out across the stage.

"Stop doing that you bit –"

"I'm made of plastic! It's fantastic!" the song continued.

"Ame! Stop doing that! Barbie's trying to recite her monologue!" the voice chided.

"Whatever! I don't have to take this!" Leon yelled as he stormed out of the room. Ame and RKM looked at each other.

"Now you know Leon, the Fairytopia Barbie!"

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**Sugar High Author:**

I hope you had as much fun reading as we did writing! Review please! Cookies for all! Ja ne!


	7. Cloud the Popcorn King

**Kingdom Hearts: Know Your Stars**

**Cloud the Popcorn King**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or Kingdom Hearts. Sad, ne?

**Author's Rambles:  
**I know it's been awhile since I updated! Gomen! I'm sick today, and sick people should stay in bed. So I pulled out my trustworthy laptop and decided to write a new chapter! I hope y'all like it! I worked really hard on it. I should be writing an essay, but I don't feel like it. Somehow I can sit here and write five page fanfictions, but not a one hundred word essay. ((shrugs)) Aw well. Review, and ja ne!

* * *

"Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars …" the voice rang out as Shuichi walked out on to the stage, very confused.

"Um … hello?"

"Hey, you're not Cloud!"

"No, I'm Shuichi Shindou."

"I think you have the wrong show …"

"Oh, whoops! Heh. Can't read my own handwriting," said Shuichi with a blush. "Alright, I'll go now!" he said, running out of the studio so he wouldn't be late to work.

"Well, that was odd. Hrm … I guess I'll just wait until Cloud shows up …"

_One hour later_ …

"Hello?" Cloud asked, stepping onto a dark stage where the only thing that could be heard was a faint snoring from the projection booth. "I got a note telling me to be here?" he said as he sat on the stool in the middle of the stage.

"Huh? Wha …" the voice murmured as it woke up from its nap. "Oh! Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars …" the voice chirped in a hurry. "Cloud … he's the popcorn king!"

"I'm allergic to popcorn …"

"Really? I'm allergic to stupid people … AH CHOO!"

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Cloud asked with a glare.

"No, my friend Ame was in here. Anyways … Cloud, he went to the Olympus Coliseum and didn't even get me a t-shirt! You're so mean!" the voice cried.

"I don't even know you! Now is there a point to me being here?"

"No … I just like annoying you! Cloud … the clown people are out to get him."

"Why would clowns be after me? I don't even – Hey, who are you?"

"…… Someone …?"

"Gee, that's descriptive," Cloud said sarcastically.

"Well, fine! Here!" the voice said, dropping an i.d. card on the stage.

"Captain Random's Pudding Inspector?" Cloud asked as he read the card. "That's not even a real job!"

"Hey man! It ain't easy inspecting pudding! A lot can go wrong!" the voice yelled, starting to cry. "You're so mean! And here I am, risking my life day in and day out so you can enjoy your pudding …"

"Okay, okay! Don't cry! Sheesh …" Cloud said, inspecting the card. "Hey, this came from a pudding package!"

"What's your point?" the voice asked, completely back to normal now.

"Grr! I'm leaving!" Cloud said, starting to stand up.

"Hey! Wait! Cloud … he frenched Riku …"

" I did not! I would never cheat on Leon!" Cloud retorted as he sat back down.

"Uh huh … right … I have witnesses!"  
"Stuffed animals don't count!"

"…… MR. BEAR ATTACK!" the voice yelled, throwing teddy bears at a thoroughly angry Cloud.

"Cloud … he wishes he knew where I was so he could strangle me …"

"Gee, ya think?"

"No, I don't think. Hurts my brain too much," the voice answered. "Cloud … he's got ducky print underwear …"

"I DO NOT!"

"………Quack quack."

"Gah! I don't have to take this!" Cloud screamed as he climbed out from underneath a pile of teddy bears. He slammed the door on his way out.

"Now you know Cloud the Popcorn King!"

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**Author's Nonsense:**  
How was that for ya? Love it? Hate it? Reviews, please! Reviews are like my air; with out them I will die!


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Kingdom Hearts, Humor