Harry Potter 1. Graveyard

_A/N this is the scene that appeared in my head and made me start the story. If you're a writer without a plan at the moment, or just fancy trying your hand, and you like the story, please, please continue this yourself, I would love to read it. If you have ideas for pranks or scenes, from any point in the series, let me hear them and they may wind up here. If you want to write just a scene, send it me and I will post it and credit you._

From feeding the dragon a giant pukeing pastel to turning the lake to jelly and tunnelling through it, Harry had had some laughs with the tournament. He thought it would be fun to win, but the joke was on him and the cup was a trophy.  
_A/N No Cedric jokes. It's only funny if a bad guy dies, like when Harry turned Snape's hair into poisonous snakes and they bit him. Still, potions was way more fun without him._  
_A/N on the A/N haven't written that, and don't plan to_  
"First we bow Potter"  
Harry bowed with a flourish.  
"And now we begin. Crucio."  
Harry giggled. Pain and pleasure caused similar reactions and since the accident Harry couldn't tell the difference.  
"Stop it. Hahaha. It tickles"  
This was not what Voldemort wanted to hear. He ended the spell, and examined his wand as Harry stood their giggling.  
"Wormtail, did you damage my wand and not tell me?"  
"Of, of course not my lord, I would never damage your wand, master."  
Voldemort thought for a moment.  
"Crucio."  
Wormtail writhed in agony.  
"Hmm, seams to work."  
He ended the spell.  
"D, def, definitely w, working my l, lord. That was m, more painful than ever master"  
Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry once more.  
"Crucio." he screamed, pouring all his hate and frustration into the curse. He pushed with his whole magical core, his wand smoking as it channelled the single, most powerful curse ever cast.  
Harry fell to the floor, twitching. It LOOKED like it was now working. From the sounds of Harry's laughter, perhaps not. Voldemort got madder and pushed even harder. His wand began to shake, but he did not notice is his rage. Harder and harder he pushed, determined to get some pain into Harry. His wand got hotter and hotter, till, BANG, it exploded, shredding Voldemort's hand. Harry got up off the floor.  
"That was brilliant. Why the hell is it illegal to do that to people." He saw Voldemort's hand and broken wand. "Oh no, that's got to hurt. Don't worry, I know how to cheer you up"  
_A/N Any guesses?_

"Crucio"  
Voldemort screamed in pain. Harry held the spell. The death eaters were too amazed to do anything but stare. Harry kept the spell on until Voldemort stopped screaming. Ending it at last, Voldemort was left completely Longbottomed.  
"Anyone else want a turn?" Harry offered.  
Every death eater disapparated so fast the all splinched, fatally, with the exception of Peter Pettigrew, who had a panic induced heart attack.  
Harry crucio'd himself for a minute, just for laughs , before dragging Voldemort over to Peter, making sure he gripped both, he summoned the cup.


	2. The Dark Throne

"If Potter's being possessed..."

Harry stopped listening, his jaw hanging slack. Dropping the extendable ear he backed away to collapse on a, thankfully empty, bed. Concentrating on pushing out Voldemort, Harry felt his scar throb. He put his and to it instinctively. He felt something with in, grabbed it with his magic and pulled. Thick black gunge followed his hand in moving from his head. With a groan escaping his throat, the last of it was removed. He could feel it in his hand, trying to bind to something. Harry began to giggle as an idea hit him. He reached under the bed with his empty hand.

Finding his target Harry touched it to the gunge. With a flash of light, it was absorbed. Harry put the new horcrux on the floor, and used it the way it was intended, followed by his friends once he explained what he had done.

The bedpan full, Harry charmed it to be invisible, with a notice me not spell, and a modified bubblehead spell, that he discovered while making his own dungbombs. It kept the smell in a container. Safe from discovery, Harry attached the bedpan to the ceiling with a permanent sticking charm. No one but Harry would ever find it.

Three weeks later.

"Dirty, dirty, must get clean, must wash. Be clean again. Don't want to be dirty, must wash."

"The dark lord's gone mad, hasn't he father?"

"Yes Draco, I believe he has."

Six months later.

"Still dirty, must clean, clean, clean, be clean on the inside."

Magical Mess Remover should never be drunk. It is especially bad to drink it if your whole body is a necromantic construct, and therefore, technically, a magical mess.

Disembodied once more, Voldemort set of in search of cleanliness.


	3. I want one of those

"Who would want your opinion anyway, you're just a filthy mudblood." Draco snapped.

"That sounds racist, and you know what that means," Harry said, as he reached into a pocket and pulled out some sort of handle, "Bigot Basher!" With that Harry twisted his wrist, and a large white frying pan, with 'Bigot Basher' written on it grew out of the handle.

'Doink'

Harry smacked Draco over the head with it.

"The pain reinforces the lesson." he said in a matter of fact tone.

"Your mad." Hermione said, in an outraged tone.

"Your observant." Harry responded in a matching manner.

Hermione sat down, confused out of her outrage at the violence.

"You can't do that to the boss." Crabbe informed Harry. "He's a pureblood and you ain'tent"

"That's right." Goyle agreed.

Two 'Doink's later Harry put the 'Bigot Basher' away.

"Here endeth the lesson"

Half an hour later, when they awoke, the Slytherin trio would find that Madam Pomfrey was unable to do anything about the swelling from the bumped noggins, they would have to heal normally. The jinx that read 'Bashed Bigot' on each of their foreheads would remain until they had healed.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Parody