Glee 1. Chapter 1

6-year-old Cooper patiently awaited the arrival of his new baby brother, along with his father.

"Daddy, how are babies made?" Cooper asked, clinging onto his beloved father's arm.

A flustured look came across Mr. Anderson's face. "Um... You'll find out when you're older."

"Well my friend Lisa from preschool says it's when a daddy puts his peepee into the mommy's peepee and pees inside of her!" Cooper said, eager to share his knowledge with his father. Instead of looking pleased, as Cooper had expected, Mr Anderson got even more flustured. He had no idea how Cooper managed to pick all this stuff up... Even before preschool, he went around sharing his "knowledge" with everyone.

"Um... I... Yeah... Kind of..." Mr. Anderson said, tugging at his shirt collar.

"Daddy, will my new baby brother be gay? He should be gay for another gay boy and they can be all fluffy and cute together!" Cooper said, his 6-year-old self not realizing, one, how loud his voice was, and two, how adult his topics of conversation are.

"Coop... People can't control who they like." Mr. Anderson said, trying to remain vague in his explanations.

"Well, that's good. Because I like Lucky." Cooper said, pointing at a random area, which was another one of his bad habits.

"Who's Lucky?" Mr. Anderson asked, slightly scared of the answer.

"The leprechaun on the cereal box!" Cooper screamed. Not in an angry way, in a hyper-child way.

"Coop, inside voice." Mr. Anderson said. He gently moved Cooper's hand down. "And pointing is rude."

"But DaAaAaAaAd! I'm trying to be-" As he raised his hand to point again, Cooper accidently hit his dad in the eye.

"OW FUCK, COOPER!" He screamed out, holding his eye.

"Sorry, daddy." Cooper shouted. "And 'fuck' is a bad word."

"DON'T SWEAR. JUST GO TO SLEEP." The AnderMen had set themselves up in the hospital waiting room while Mrs Anderson was in labor. Mr Anderson had wanted to go back with his wife, but she had wanted him to care for Cooper, who was a very high-maintenence child. Cooper made a pouty face at his dad, but he WAS tired. So the young child curled up in a tight ball and fell asleep on the soft waiting room couch.

Cooper was awoken a short while later by a doctor.

"It's a boy!" The doctor said excitedly. He led Cooper and his father back to the hospital room, where Mrs Anderson was gently cradling her newborn baby. The child had deep amber eyes and was one of those babies who came out of the womb with a full head of hair, in this case, thick curly black hair.

"OH MY GOD IT LOOKS GAYYYYY!" Cooper shouted when he saw his new brother.

"Cooper!" His dad said sternly.

"I think his name will be GayBob BowtiePants!" Cooper said, smiling at the baby. Even though Coop kept calling his new brother gay, he DID love the child. But not in a creepy way. Partially because Cooper was only 6 and didn't know about the 'creepy way' yet.

"I was thinking something along the lines of Blaine. Blaine Devon, maybe?" His mom said softly, smiling at the infant through her exhaustion from labor.

The AnderFam took the new baby to the AnderHome a while later, after all the post pregnancy shit was over with. Cooper followed his parents into Blaine's new room. As soon as they left, Cooper climbed the bars of the crib and smiled down at the sleeping child.

"I'M GOING TO LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YOU, BLAINEY!" Cooper shouted, waking Blaine up with a loud cry. Both AnderParents let out an exasperated sigh, and Mr Anderson went to Blaine's room.

"Cooper. Let your brother sleep. And please, STOP YELLING!" Mr Anderson dragged Cooper out of the room.

"But dAaAaAaD!" Cooper protested. "Let me love the baby!"

"You can later." Mr Anderson dragged Cooper to his bedroom and had him put his pajamas on and then go to bed.

"I don't wanna sleep, Dad!" Cooper said loudly. He threw his Teddy Bear at his dad's face. "You bitch!"

"...What did you just call me?" Mr Anderson demaded.

"A bitch! You're a bitchy whore who's dick is so full of STDs that it makes Mommy explode whenever you guys fuck!" Cooper didn't fully understand what his words meant, as he had simply picked them up off a TV show.

"Don't use that language." Mr Anderson said. "And go the fuck to bed."

"DaAaAaAd! For the gazillionth time, 'fuck' is a bad fucking word!" Cooper threw a rock at his dad, but missed.

"COOPER ANDERSON WHERE DID YOU GET THAT ROCK?" His father yelled, angry at the fact that his barely-toddler son read throwing rocks.

"My pocket." Cooper said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Just..." Mr Anderson left the room before he could say anything else.

Cooper sat in bed, talking to himself until he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2: Cooper Learns A Life Lesson

A few weeks later, Cooper was unable to sleep. He kept hearing moans and thuds from his parents' room, and didn't know what they were. He jumped out of bed and let himself into their room. Cooper gasped when he saw them both completely naked, and Mr Anderson with his "peepee" in Mrs Anderson's.

"MOMMY, WHERE'S YOUR DICK?" Cooper asked loudly.

Mr and Mrs Anderson pulled away quickly and covered themselves with the blanket.

"Cooper! It's almost midnight! Go to sleep!" His dad said.

Cooper ignored this, and jumped up on the bed with them. He saw a pile of something white and sticky on the bed, and his eyes widened.

"Why the fuck are you two hos eating mayonnaise in bed while naked?" Cooper demanded.

"That's not-" Mrs Anderson started before Mr Anderson covered her mouth.

"Because we're weird, Coop. Now go to your own room. And for the last time, you do not swear OR call people hos." Mr Anderson said.

"Do I look like I care?" Cooper asked sassily. He kept staring at the pile of "mayo" on the bedsheets. "Can I eat some?"

"NO!" Mr and Mrs Anderson shouted in unison.

"And why not?" Cooper demanded, z-snapping.

"It tastes horrible. Absolutely horrible." Mrs Anderson said.

"Oh." Cooper pulled the sheets off the bed, revealing his parents' naked bodies. His eyes widened. "Mommy, you still don't have a dick! Did Blainey rip it off when they gave him to you at the hospital? I bet he did! That gay little shit!"

"No, Cooper. I never had a... What you said." Mrs Anderson was trying to explain things in such a way that Cooper wouldn't be corrupted (not that he wasn't already).

"Are you a freak?"

"No. Mommy is a girl. Girls and boys have different body parts. With girls, it's called a vagina. With boys, it's called a penis." Mr Anderson told Cooper. "You, me, and Blainey have penises."

"Heehee. Mommy has a pussy." Cooper said.

"...Yes. Mommy has a pussy. Now go to bed, Cooper."

"...Mommy, Daddy, were you fucking?" Cooper asked.

"Just go!" Mrs Anderson said.

Cooper sighed. "You're a couple of whores." He said before walking to Blaine's room. He climbed into Blaine's crib, causing the baby to cry, and fell asleep there.


	3. Chapter 3: The Worst Preschool Ever

**(Just a fair warning, this chapter involves sex. Between children. It's not good sex, though. I suck at writing sex by myself. So it's horrible sex between kids. Enjoy!) **

Cooper loved preschool. He loved the toys, he loved the people, and he loved coloring. The day after he walked in on his parents' relations, he was especially excited about going. He had a friend named Lisa, and him and Lisa liked to share information with each other. She was the source of most of Cooper's information, and the preschool probably should have sent someone to check out her living condition, because a six-year-old knowing so much about sex and swearing wasn't healthy.

"Hey. Hey Lisa. Lisa. Lisa, you dumb whore." Cooper said as he walked to the doll area, where Lisa had a Barbie and Ken doll engaging in relations.

"Yeah, Cooper, you damn cunt?" Lisa said, putting the dolls down.

"What's a cunt?" Cooper asked, temporarily forgetting what he came over to tell Lisa.

"It means you're a lesbian." Lisa explained.

"What's a lesbian?"

"Someone who likes girls."

"Oh. Well, guess what?" Cooper said excitedly.

"What?"

"I walked in on my mommy and daddy fucking last night!"

Lisa's face broke into a grin. "Really? Lucky!"

"Yep. And those weirdos had mayonnaise on their bed." Cooper told her, picking up the Ken doll. He poked it's crotch and then put it down. "Ken doesn't have a dick. Psh."

"I don't think that was mayonnaise, Coop. It was probably cum." Lisa said, staring at the Ken doll.

"What the fuck is cum?" Cooper asked.

"It's white stuff that comes out of your dick. Girls make it, too, but they keep it in their vaginas." Lisa took both the Barbie and Ken dolls and made Ken eat Barbie's pussy. "Hey, hey Coop. We should fuck."

"We totally should, Lisa." Cooper said. "How do you do it?"

"Just, y'know, put your dick inside of me." Lisa said, as she started stripping.

"That sounds painful, Lisa." Cooper said, as he, too, started stripping. Cooper and Lisa crawled behind the Barbie house so their teacher, Ms Delvecchio, wouldn't catch them.

"Okay. First, I make you hard." Lisa whispered, as she grabbed Cooper's already huge dick. She rubbed it a few times, and it got hard.

"Ohhhhh, Lisa, that feels good!" Cooper said.

"Good. Now lie on top of me." Lisa commanded, lying on the floor. "And feel free to play with my boobies."

Cooper laid on top of Lisa, and squeezed her nonexistent boobs. "Like this?" He asked.

"Yeah, like that." Lisa said, a look of overall discomfort on both of their faces. "Now rub your waist against mine until your dick goes inside."

Cooper obeyed, and his dick slid inside of Lisa's vagina. The looks on their faces now became somewhat pained.

Before they could go any farther, one of their classmates, Natalie, saw them.

"Oh my gosh! What are you two doing?" She asked, pulling the dollhouse away and revealing Lisa and Cooper's naked bodies.

"We're fucking." Lisa said.

"What's fucking? It looks painful!" Natalie asked, her no-longer-innocent eyes scanning Lisa and Cooper's bodies.

"It's when a boy puts his penis into either a girl's pussy or a guy's ass, but that's only if you're gay like my brother, Blaine. He's gonna put his dick in a lot of asses, oh yes." Cooper said.

"EWWW!" Natalie screamed.

Ms Delvecchio walked over there to see what the commotion was.

"COOPER! LISA! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?" Ms Delvecchio shouted.

"They're fucking, Ms D." Natalie told her, because Natalie had a hard time pronouncing "Delvecchio".

"Heehee. Ms D wants the D." Cooper said with a giggle.

Ms Delvecchio turned a shade of red. "Both of you get up and put your clothes on. This is highly inappropriate behavior."

"Fine, fine. Calm your tits. It's not our fault that you can't get laid." Lisa said as she slipped on her rather slutty mini skirt and low-cut tank top (not that there was much to see).

"Do not talk to me like that!" Ms Delvecchio said angrily.

Cooper put his clothes on and walked away to go color. He drew his baby brother, Blaine, being fucked by his father. "Daddy is gay, Blainey is gay, mommy is gay, everyone's gay!" Cooper hummed to himself as he drew.

That was the last day Cooper ever saw Lisa. Because she got arrested because Lisa was secretly a 56-year-old midget.


End file.

Glee, Family, Humor