Sailor Moon Once upon a time

A/N: This is plain crazy, be forewarned. The pig was supposed to be my girlfriend's (ex?)boyfriend that she dumped many times already. We both hate him because he won't give up on her...

Thanks to impersonal for beta reading (Thankies grandma! )

Dedication: My sweet sweet girl… Keyna this one is for you!

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Once upon a time, a beautiful princess with long flowing aqua hair and shiny blue eyes, was having a walk through the forest. The sun shone brightly on that day and the birds whistled their melody throughout the forest.

Everything look perfect until suddenly...

_Bang! Bang!_

The ground shook as the birds flew away. Clouds formed in front of the sun in response as well. A stupid fat pig emerged from behind the bushes while scratching his fat ass and looked around dumbly.

Then, his eyes fell on the beautiful princess.

He decided he wanted the princess to be his bride. "Uh hehe, hello pretty lady," he said, grinning stupidly as he walked over to her.

The princess covered her nose with a handkerchief. 'OH...MY...GOD, he smells **so** bad.' She thought. "Well, hello."

Of course, the princess was well-mannered.

"I want you to be my bride, beautiful princess," he got a ring made out of mud out of his belly button, hidden under all his fats.

The princess saw red and inwardly gagged upon seeing that. "No, I have to decline, stranger."

The pig was angry. "I WANT YOU TO BE MY BRIDE, GODDAMNIT!" He yelled in her face, with some saliva coming out of his mouth and spitting on the princess's face.

"NO!" The princess yelled back; she was losing her patience with this pig.

The mind-crazed pig suddenly lunged out and knocked the princess out. Then, he dragged her with him to a scary stinky castle. Forever since, the princess had been held prison in the scary stinky castle, treated rudely and forced to run endless laps everyday.

Until one day...

The princess looked out of the window of the room where she's held prison. But hey? What is that? She saw something in the distance... or rather, someone! A mysterious knight clad in silver armour, a red cape and a gas mask. He had boyish short blond hair, messed by the wind and rode on a white horse to come to the castle. He stopped before the large wooden doors, got off of his horse and rummaged through the bags that were attached to the saddle.

'Oh? What could he be doing?' The princess watched every move, captivated by the knight.

The knight pulled a huge bazooka (that could never fit in the bag except for in fiction) out of one bag and blasted the doors. The pig woke up with a start. He was sleeping peacefully and stinking-ly near the door when he was suddenly rudely awakened.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The mind-crazed pig asked, clearly annoyed.

"The question perhaps is what the fuck is wrong with YOU?" The knight retorted. "Princess Michiru was destined to be my wife," he growled. "You stole her and now you're gonna pay..."

The pig eyed the bazooka uneasily and farted."Uh you're not gonna like... uhhh use that bazooka, right?"

The knight threw the bazooka away and pulled his sword. "Fight me then. Get your sword. Oh! I forgot! You don't HAVE one! HAHAHA!" The knight laughed.

The stinky stupid pig became even angrier by being made fun of. "I DO have one!" He made his way over to a lump of mud and quickly formed a deformed sword out of it while mumbling something. "There!" He proudly held his... 'sword'.

The knight sweat dropped. "This is pathetic..." He sighed. 'So pathetic, I shouldn't even kill him.' He thought as he walked over to the pig. "Let's make a deal... Nah, screw it." He kicked the pig.

The latter fell on his back and couldn't get up, because he's so fat.

"I'll get you!"

The pig wiggled this and that way but couldn't stand up. He tried to throw his mud-sword at the knight, but failed when he held it too tightly. The sword seemed to melt and splattered all over his snout. The knight couldn't contain his laughter. He rolled on the dirty floor, holding his stomach until tears streamed down his face. Finally, he got up, pulled the mask off, wiped his cute and utterly handsome face and started walking up the stairs, still snickering.

He reached the final step after what seemed like an endless time. There was only a wooden door in front of him. Looking around he searched for something he could break it open with. Aha! That stupid pig left the keys here.

He opened the door and saw his princess instantly. "Michiru!"

"Oh my! It really is you, Haruka!"

She ran to him and the couple shared a hug. They knew each other from when they were little, since their parents wanted them to marry for the sake of their kingdom.

"Come, let's get out of this stinky place." He moved to the window, earning a questioning look from Michiru. "My horse set up a huge inflatable cushion down there, so we don't have to use the stairs." He gave her a handsome smile.

"Oh! You're so smart, Haru-chan!"

She jumped in his arms. He held her bridal style and jumped from the window.

"WOOHOOO!" They bounced a few times on the cushion, but got off after that.

They lived happily together, loving each other very much. When they were old enough, they moved to California, got married and lived even happier ever after.

And the pig died of starvation. Woots!

End

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Yeah, i know Haruka is a girl. Please leave a review!


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Sailor Moon, Humor