Gundam Wing/AC Onna!

AN and Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I'm starting my first job, at the age of 17, on Tuesday so please don't sue me. You won't get any money. Ok, so this is my first attempt at a slight humor fic. Well, at least I thought it was funny. Anyway, it's way OOC because, let's all face it, it's hard getting into Wufei's head. Other than that no warning, except that's it's pure fluff and only slightly funny. Don't forget to review!

Onna!

by Oyuki

****Sally****

"Onna!" Wufei's voice could be heard through all the offices in the Preventors'' building. He walked out of his office across the hall into Sally's. Sally was talking on the phone, she looked up and mouthed, "Hold on."

"I will not hold on! What is this crap? This report--" she hung up the phone and looked up at him from her chair. She was calm and smiling at him.

"Yes Wufei? How can I help you? Is there something you need?" Sally said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. 

"Yes! I need to know what kind of crap you put into this report. It's got nothing of what I told you to put in here!" He was so angry Sally thought she saw smoke coming out of his ears and nose. At this thought Sally giggled, but the picture in her mind was so amusing that she started laughing, hysterically. 

"There is nothing funny about this, onna! I strictly told you what to put into this report and you dismissed it," he said as he walked to her desk and slammed down the folder he was holding. 

Sally jumped a little in her chair from the surprise. "If you wanted certain things put into the report, Wufei, you should have written it yourself or given me your own copy to be included in the final report. All I did was write what was I thought should go in it," Sally retorted calmly.

"But nothing of what I said is in here! You deliberately kept it out! When I tell you to do something, Onna, you do it!"

She stood up from her desk and faced him. "Why should I do it? Your not by boss, or my commanding officer. In fact, I'm YOUR commanding officer. You should do what I tell you to do, and your lucky I don't make you run around in a chicken suit while you bark like a dog!" Sally was mad. Actually mad wasn't the right word; she was pissed. She had to endure Wufei's little temper tantrums for over five years and it wasn't getting any better. 

"Chicken suit? You wouldn't do that! You can't, it should be the other way around. A man should be in command, not a weak onna like you! Injustice!" 

Sally slowly straightend up, and her eyes glared daggers at her partner. "That's it! Get out! NOW! Out, out, out! Get out of my office!" Sally turned to the door of her office and accentuated her command by opening the door. 

"And if I don't get out? What is a weak onna like you going to do?" Wufei laughed at her then smirked and stood rooted to the spot. Without thinking Sally walked up to Wufei, made a fist with her right hand, pulled back her arm, and punched Wufei in the face as hard as she could.

"How's that for a weak onna?" she said to a prostrate Wufei. With that she turned on her heel and walked out of her office door, where there was a group of silent people contemplating the body of Wufei on the floor. She "hmmed" and walked down the hall, into the elevator, to the parking lot, then to her vintage red 2001 Mustang convertible.

****Wufei****

"Ugh, who drugged me? Onna? Onna?" Wufei recovered quickly and looked around the office only to find a missing Sally and the same group of silent people she had seen. "What are you all looking at? Injustice! Where is that woman? Well? Is anyone going to tell me, or do I have to hit someone?" Wufei was mad, well pissed actually. How dare that-- that onna hit him! HIM? 

"I'm going to teach that onna a lesson she won't soon forget!" He walked down the hall, he was heading for the elevator when he spotted Duo heading for the elevator also. "Why? Why me?" he asked quietly.

"Hey Wu-man-- wow! What happened to your eye? It's all puffy and turning blue!"

"Sallyhitme," he murmured intelligibly. 

"What was that? I didn't hear you?"

"I said Sally hit me!" he said so loudly that people stopped and looked in his direction.

"Sally hit you?" Duo asked seriously. His eyes looked directly into Wufei's.

"Yes. That onna, wait till I--"

"Ha ha ha ha ha! That's so funny," Duo said clutching his stomach. He was laughing so hard that he dropped to the floor and rolled around with tears running down his cheeks. 

"STOP LAUGHING! Maxwell, stop laughing at me! You shouldn't be laughing, you should be worrying abut that onna, Sally."

Duo didn't stop laughing, he knew Wufei wouldn't hurt Sally, he thought her weak, so he would never hurt her. Duo's laughter started to die down a bit. He got up off the floor and wiped the tears from his face. Still clutching his stomach and chuckling, he said, "Sorry Wu-man, it's just so funny. I never imagined she would hit you! Oh man, I wish I would've been there. Wait till I tell the other guys, they're going to laugh their heads off..." Wufei walked away after that. He didn't want to hear anymore. He wanted to find Sally, and he bet she was at her house. 

As the doors of the elevator started to close he heard Duo say, "Hey, I can get the security tapes!" Wufei took a deep breathe and closed his eyes. 

****Sally****

"Ugh! All the stupid street lights are red!" Sally whined as she sped through the street. She could have taken the freeway, but nooo! She'd decided that the drive would to her good and now she had to stop every few seconds for the stupid light!

As she drove to yet another stop light, she decided she'd had enough and ran it. She did the same for the next five lights and finally pulled into her building's parking garage. She parked, and walked to her apartment on the fifth floor. 

She unlocked the floor and stepped inside. She was weary from the day's work and she was still pissed at Wufei. "How could I ever like that little conceited bastard? He's such a jerk. Thinking he's God Almighty! I should've kicked his cute little ass instead of just punching his face!" Sally punched a pillow on her bed and laid down. She was pissed, she needed to work off some of her anger. With that thought she walked into the bathroom and changed into her work-out clothes. She went to her spare bedroom, where she had a mini-gym, turned on her stereo with her favorite work-our music and warmed up. Soon she was taking out her anger and frustration at Wufei on her poor punching bag.

****Wufei****

Wufei drove his silver BMW to his apartment building. He and Sally lived in the same building, it had been a coincidence but a convenient one none-the-less. He parked his car next to Sally's and proceeded to her apartment, one floor above his. He could hear the music coming from her apartment as soon as he stepped out of the elevator. He walked thinking how nobody ever complained about the noise level. Then again they knew she was a Preventer. 

He stood in front of her door and raised his hand to knock. He knew she wouldn't hear the knock over the music so he took his key out and unlocked the door. He'd had a copy of her apartment key made so he could rescue her from herself. The woman couldn't cook, or do anything remotely domestic.

He walked in the door and looked around. Nope, she wasn't in the kitchen, bedroom, livin groom, or bathroom. That only left one place, but before he went and taught a lesson to the onna, he would make himself a sandwich. He went in the kitchen and pulled out the ingredients for a sandwich. "I'm surprised that onna even has bread." He finished making his sandwich and went in search for the offending onna. 

With sandwich in hand he walked into the bedroom and saw her punching the hell out of the punching bag. "She's gonna need a new one if she keeps that up," Wufei muttered to himself. He took a bite of his food and watched her. She was wearing spandex short-shorts and a matching sports bra. Her wavy hair was up in a tight ponytail high on her head. Wufei could see the fury on her face, it made her eyes burn, her face light up. In other words, she was hot. As he ate his sandwich, he watched as she put all her strength in her punches, as if she was trying to punish the bag for something... or someone! 'Uh oh!' Wufei thought as he tried to sneak out of the room quietly.

"Nice to see you've made yourself at home, Wufei," Sally said calmly, not even stopping her punching. 

Wufei stopped in mid-step and turned to face her. "Yeah, well I needed something to keep me busy while you wasted your time away. Want some? It's a pretty good sandwich," he replied in his usual voice, trying to not show his growing sense of danger. He could practically see the anger radiating from her. "You know what, onna? I was surprised you had food in your house, since you can't cook to save your life."

"Yeah, well what can I say? I'm full of surprises. Oh, I see your eye is swelling up nicely. Who punched you, I wonder?" Sally said her voice full of sarcasm. She was removing the protection off her hands so she could turn the stereo off. 

She walked to where he was standing and stood very near him, almost touching but not quite. She raised her hand and made it seem like she was going to put it on his cheek, but instead turned the stereo off. She walked away from him and bent down to pick up her towel and water bottle. 

Wufei got a nice look at her butt before she straightened. "Nice ass," he said out loud before he could stop himself. 

"What?" she said turning to face him.

"I didn't say anything."

"That's what I thought," Sally said with a smile. "Now, what are you doing here?" 

"I am here for payback. Don't forget, Sally, you punched me." As he said this, Wufei walked nearer to her. 

"Oh yes, I seem to recall that happened a little earlier today. So, 'Wuffy' what is your payback?"

"You dare mock me, onna?" He was in her face, so close she could smell his after-shave. She didn't let that faze her. She took a half step closer to him.

"I'm not mocking you, 'Wuffy' just asking what it is you are doing here, and what is your payback," she replied a little seductively. She wanted to see him squirm. She tried to look sexy, so she neared him a little bit more and looked at him with hooded eyes. "What are you going to do?" Sally whispered almost against his mouth. 

Wufei cleared his throat and took a step back. For all his big talk and male pride, the twenty-year-old Wufei was just a tad bit nervous when it came to women. "I want you to apologize, onna. Apologize and admit that you were wrong."

"Wrong about what, 'Wuffy'?" she said taking a step closer to him. She noticed his nervousness and used it against him. She neared him and leaned forward a little, almost but not quite, rubbing her body against him.

"About-- " he started in a squeaky voice. He cleared his throat and tried again, "About the report and punching me, but that is only the first stage. I also want you to do my laundry, take my car for a tune-up and pick up my dry-cleaning." There, he'd said the first thing that popped into his head. "And I want you to stop calling me 'Wuffy', I hate that idiotic name, and the only one who uses it is Maxwell when he wants to annoy me."

"Gee 'Wuffy', if you want someone to do all those things for you then get married. I barely do those things for myself, what makes you think I'm gonna do them for you?" She stood a breathe away from him now, so close that they were probably sharing the same oxygen. "Besides, I PUNCHED you 'Wuffy'. You don't think that makin' me do all those things for you is good enough payback, now do you? Don't you want to humiliate me, like I did you. Make me look like a stupid idiot in front of all those people that saw me punch you." Sally was deliberately trying to goad him into a fit of anger. Her anger was gone, all she had now was mere annoyance, and satisfaction at the look on his face. Oh how she loved to make him mad. Especially when she wasn't mad and in total control. 

Wufei rose to the bate. "You did not humiliate me, ONNA! You are merely lucky that you are a weak onna, or else I would've beaten the shit out of you already. You WILL do all those things for me. You will because that is what onnas are for! They serve men, and in return, the men take care of them! Now, get dressed because you will be going to my apartment and picking up my laundry to get started. Then you will clean my house, wash my car, take it for a tune-up, pick up my dry-cleaning and, if you can, cook me a decent meal."

Sally was incredulousl. "I AM NOT your servant or your wife. If you want someone to do those things for you, then either get married or hire some poor fool to cater to you hand and foot! GOT IT?" With that said, she walked out of the room, but Wufei was close behind. 

He grabbed her arm and pulled her to face him. "You will do all those things, Onna. I want you to do those things. Permanently." Sally looked him directly in his eyes. She was perplexed. 

"Are you asking me what I think your asking?" 

"Will you marry me, Sally?" 

"Oh, baby yeah!" Sally threw herself at him and kissed him on the mouth with all she could muster. 

"I love you onna. I have for a while now, I just didn't know how to tell you." 

"I love you too, 'Wuffy'." She tried to kiss him again but he moved his mouth and looked at her.

"Stop calling me that,' he ordered.

"What? 'Wuffy'?"

"Yes, don't call me that."

"Ok Wu-man. I'll stop calling you Wuffy." She hugged him and pressed her face against his neck.

"Don't call me that either... "

The End

AU: Ok, finished my first non-songfic. It's just a piece of fluff. Did you like it? Please review! And BE nice, not flames. If you are wondering why I wrote happy ending for his one and The Way You Do, it's because I love these parings. Don't get me wrong, I like 1+R and 6+9, but I just loooooove 2+H and 5+S way more!


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Gundam Wing/AC, Humor, Romance