Sailor Moon 1. Chapter 01 Prologue

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

A Sailor Moon Fan Story

By Phoenix 2772

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Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is the creation and property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei Animation Co.

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**Continuities-**

**Classic Arc:** _manga or anime, take your pick_

**Nemesis Arc:** _manga_

**Infinity Arc:** _manga, with some of the Chibiusa / Hotaru anime eps_

**Elysian Arc:** _manga, with anime Nehellenia 'coda'_

**Galaxia Arc:** _anime_

… _and one or two things from the musicals_

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**Epigraphs**

_**Galaxia:**__ Is Chaos Gone?_

_**Sailor Moon:**__ I think it went back to where it belongs._

_**Galaxia:**__ Where it belongs?_

_**Sailor Moon:**__ Yes, back to peoples' minds._

_**Galaxia:**__ Then, it will happen all over again … ?_

_**Sailor Moon:**__ Let's believe in them._

_The people who love their world. Don't worry, _

_the Light of Hope is there too ... Let's do it again_

_from the beginning. It's not too late._

**Anime Episode 200: Sailor Stars **(with some paraphrasing)

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_**Hotaru:**__ "Oh, shooting stars!"_

_**Setsuna:**__ "For what did you wish?"_

_**Hotaru:**__ "Hee, it's a secret! How about you, Setsuna-san?"_

_**Setsuna:**__ "That too is secret."_

_**Hotaru:**__ "Oh, you're sly …"_

**Anime Episode 200: Sailor Stars**

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"_P.S. Usagi in the 20__th__ Century? _

_Studying while young really was important. Make sure you do it well." _

_**- Neo-Queen Serenity**_

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**Chapter 1: Prologue - Right of Return**

* * *

A lone guardian stood before the door of time. Short, blue-tinted hair wrapped itself around a beautiful and charming face with bright, blue, intelligent eyes. She had no weapon to hand, unless one considered as weapons the determined expression so familiar to the soft, otherwise invisible, creases of her face, and the small hyperquantum computer so familiar to the hands that manipulated it. Such an assumption would not be far off; her ways of fighting were never as flashy or impressive as others', but she was formidable in any case, and as indispensable to many victories as the eyes and brain to the body. The time door was open, and she was gathering data with a very intense expression on her face. As she watched the time stream, and tried to direct it to show her what she needed to see, her hope for a quick solution to the mystery that had been vexing them since Sailor Pluto's death began to fade.

_She_ was Sailor Mercury, the Senshi of Wisdom. Since the death of the Sailor Pluto, the Senshi of Time, Mercury and the others shared the job of guarding this very important place. The first time she had watch, she realized immediately how strange and alien this little corner of the cosmos was. Of Sailor Pluto it was said "time was in her blood," and thus she must have been inured to this strange feeling of being along side time that permeated the very air of this place. It was the loneliest vigil she had ever stood, and she could not imagine anything lonelier. During her watches, she often had nothing to do but think, and very often, those thoughts turned to reminiscences about the previous possessor of this duty. In a time long past, she learned on one occasion that Setsuna Meioh, Sailor Pluto's civilian guise, thought about loneliness, but she wondered if, in her Senshi form, the Time Guardian had some defense against the isolation of the post that allowed her to get through it. It would be nice to know that trick, for very often Mercury contemplated her loneliness when on duty here. It didn't take long for the Inner Planet Senshi to discover between them they'd all had similar thoughts.

Now, however, there was a mystery to be solved and that made her shifts here less arduous, though no less unpleasant. She would often stay past her watch to conduct research on the time stream. The others benefited too, as it was nice to have her company, and, so Mercury learned, it was well that they shared the duty, for even the strongest of them did not think they could have handled the job alone.

A great pulsing sound came from within the gate, and it was time to call upon all her powers of reason and deduction. Her investigation had begun in earnest, and so she began with a mental review of the known facts:

'_Sailor Pluto was killed when she stopped time in the battle with Death Phantom - then by the power of the Queen, she was reincarnated into the past as Setsuna Meioh to fight during the Infinity, Elysian and Galaxia crises. In the present, Death Phantom was defeated, and Pluto's body was immured in stasis crystal and placed in a special memorial hall. When Small Lady returned from her second visit to the past, she inquired as to when she could expect to see Hotaru in this age: a reasonable question, and thus began the mystery. _

_We needed to find out if Pluto, somehow, could and should be replaced, or if Sailor Saturn could be summoned without her. We also needed to answer Small Lady's question about Hotaru, since the one person who could answer that question was now dead. In attempting to summon Sailor Saturn, with Sailors Uranus and Neptune using their talismans, and the Queen standing in for Pluto, we discovered that Saturn could not be summoned. Uranus seemed worried because it seemed not that the attempt had failed, but that it had never even gotten off the ground; Saturn simply wasn't "there" to be summoned. Neptune and the Queen concurred. _

_I was then sent to the time gate to begin research on an explanation. Small Lady quickly became aware that something was wrong. The King ordered us not to discuss it with her, and the Queen ordered that at least one of the Senshi must keep an eye on her at all times, or she might attempt to take matters into her own hands again. Sometimes I wonder if that wasn't the event that set all of this in motion. _

_I must solve this mystery …'_

The computer in her hand chirruped.

'_Good, I've isolated the relevant temporal threads.'_

After watching for a bit, she frowned as her hope for a quick solution faded to nil. There was no way this was going to be resolved quickly. The mystery had just deepened.

'_Sailor Saturn had always been something of a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, but nothing like what I am facing now. Where is she? We know that she was alive and well after Sailor Moon defeated Chaos. When we investigated her subsequent disappearance in that age, Setsuna, may she rest in blessed peace, had mentioned Hotaru's periods of catalepsy as she began to mature after the Galaxia Crisis. Despite a search lasting over six months, we could not find any trace of her. At the time, we reluctantly concluded that somehow she'd put herself into suspended animation, waiting for the next time she would be called. That explanation never satisfied me, but we all accepted it because the alternative was too terrible to contemplate.' _

Now, she spoke tersely and dispassionately into her computer's voice recorder:

"Begin entry, enumerate and time stamp:

Using the time gate, I have tried to retrace Hotaru's steps from earliest beginnings of the Infinity Academy Crisis. I have found the relevant thread of time. I saw her there; I saw the construction fire, where her mother was killed – a terrible thing to have to watch! I saw her father try to rebuild her body, and place Mistress Nine's Daihmon egg within her, her interactions with Chibiusa, and her defeat of Mistress Nine and Pharaoh Ninety. Then the thread dissolves. From there I cannot find any trace of Hotaru Tomoe's energy signature. Even more puzzling: after that time, I cannot lock in on any specific threads concerning the Outer Senshi. Temporal threads that seem to have their energy signatures are too 'fuzzy.' I do not understand why at this time, but I will go so far as to say they may be in some kind of temporal limbo. Suggested course of action: interview Sailors Uranus and Neptune to see if they can recall anything that might be of help.

End entry, encode and send to main database."

'_Pluto, I wish you were here. How is this possible? In that age, we saw her. She was there, with us. She matured rapidly. She was awakened as Sailor Saturn. She awakened the eternal forms of the Outer Senshi. She awakened Eternal Sailor Moon, fought with us against Nehellenia, died in the battle with Galaxia, and reappeared after Eternal Sailor Moon won that battle. Everyone remembers this. Yet, from this time, I cannot locate her or the Outer Senshi after the battle with Pharaoh Ninety. I've got to get to the bottom of …'_

"Halt, or be attacked at once!" Sailor Mercury suddenly barked, as she whirled around quickly. The shape of something was clearly visible in the mists.

"May I approach, beautiful guardian?" a piping voice calmly asked. The figure raised something like hands to face level in a demonstration of harmlessness, though he was still hidden by the mists.

"Take one step further and I will attack! No one may trespass here. Unless you are of the Silver Millennium you should not even be able to come here."

"Yes, yes," said the figure. "It's a very critical place that must be well protected. I know of a few other such places similar to it in nomenclature if not in appearance."

The mists were clearing a little and the figure was clearly not very tall or, to appearances, threatening, though none of that mattered to Sailor Mercury. It wouldn't matter even if the creature had merely happened upon the Time Gate, and besides nothing outside the Silver Millennium ever _just happened_ to find the Time Gate.

"Why are you here? It is my duty to destroy you for your mere presence here. Speak quickly, before I fulfill my duty!"

The figure knelt before her, placed facile paws on the ground and bowed low, as if offering his head to a chopping block.

"Do what you must then, beautiful warrior," said the figure. "I am unarmed, and at your mercy."

The mists had cleared away sufficiently to reveal a humanoid but definitely alien form. He was dressed in a plain robe of rough cloth that draped over and trailed after his furry black body. He looked like a large, humanoid rabbit, a bit bigger than a German shepherd, with fur like an ebony seal and big liquid eyes that bespoke great wisdom, intelligence and, perhaps, age.

"But," he continued, "I bear a message and if I do not return, others will, regrettably, come to trouble you until the message is delivered though you slay them all in turn. Perhaps someone at such a lonely post could do with the company even of intruders, and the change of pace might be refreshing as well, but it would offend against hospitality. Perhaps I could spare you this rudeness? I assure you I am no threat to anyone of good will."

Mercury wasn't sure how to take this, but found herself smiling inwardly as the being appeared completely harmless, and rather cute. Still, surprises were never welcome here, and her duty was crystal clear in any case.

"Speak!"

"I bear a message for your king and queen."

"Tell it to me, then depart and never return."

"Regrettably, beautiful guardian, it is rather lengthy, requires a bit of explication and, in fact, a decision from them. But I assure you, I have lawful cause to come before them, and since where I come from this was the best way to approach, I have had to risk your wrath."

Mercury continued to eye the visitor warily, watching for any sign of treachery.

"As you are unwilling to let me pass to see them, perhaps they could come here?" the Visitor offered helpfully.

She was about to call for back up, and then freeze the intruder to immobilize him, but a voice echoed in her head. It was King Endymion ordering her to stand down, and await Sailor Venus who would arrive shortly to guard the gate while she escorted the visitor to the throne room. This was, to say the least, unusual, and at first she wondered if she'd heard right. "Mercury, see to his passage through the new barriers, and bring him to us," Neo-Queen Serenity's voice echoed the command a few minutes later as a blond headed figure in an orange skirted sailor suit appeared in the distance. Perhaps this visit was not unexpected, or was at least permissible for some reason of which she didn't know.

"Sailor Mercury, you are relieved," said Sailor Venus.

"Do you have any idea what this is about, Sailor Venus?" asked Sailor Mercury, as the visitor appreciatively eyed the beautiful blond approaching them.

Sailor Venus shook her head.

* * *

As they walked through tiled hallways, Sailor Mercury's boots made a rhythmic sound that was constantly at odds with the visitor's loping gait. The claws on his feet clattered unevenly, and the sound was periodically punctuated by a walking staff hitting the floor. Mercury began to realize her companion might be very, very old. Then the dissonant rhythm suddenly stopped, and Mercury turned. The visitor was staring into an alcove off to one side of the hall. In this room, the crystal floor of the hall gave way to a floor inlayed with black marble. Modest archways of reddish stone met at the top of the alcove. White marble tiles lined with thin strips of black and red stone made up the room itself. All were polished to a mirror shine. At the center was a black granite pedestal on which sat the body of someone encased in crystal. The inverse of the image sank into the reflective floor. Light coming through a stained glass window cast different delicate hues over the whole room.

But the visitor's attention was fixed on the body in the crystal. It was a human woman - fairly tall he guessed though it was hard to tell from the way she lay in state. She was rolled slightly to her left side, her right leg was drawn up, crossing the left, and her right arm lay across her lap. She had long dark hair, with an emerald tint, that spread out around her almost like a blanket. Her skin was darker, and her face, so the visitor thought, was exquisite. Her eyes were closed in a way that suggested not death, but a satisfied if mildly troubled sleep.

"I beg your pardon, beautiful guardian," said the visitor politely, "may I ask who she was?"

"She was the guardian of the Time Gate where you came in," Mercury replied.

"May I take a closer look?"

"Very well, but quickly please."

'_Could this be why …?'_ he thought, upon nearing the crystal. "How did she die?"

"We lost her in a terrible battle several months ago."

"She was … she _is_ glorious," he said reverently, "even in death. She lays as she fell, does she not?"

'_Yes,' _Sailor Mercury could only nod, sadness creasing her eyes.

"How sad to see her like this," said the visitor with utmost sincerity.

"We miss her very much. In fact, just now, I would give my own life to have her back."

"Very touching, beautiful guardian. Did she die well?" he asked sadly.

"She did _all_ things well," said Mercury, her eyes tearing just a bit from both her own memories and the obvious sincerity of the visitor's kind words.

"Well, let us continue," he said, after taking one last look at the tomb of Sailor Pluto.

"This way, please."

* * *

Upon reaching the throne room, it appeared that the visit had been permitted for entirely frivolous reasons. "So cute!" exclaimed Serenity, who apparently knew anytime someone arrived at the gate, and could even see them. The creature's smile brightened considerably at this praise. She sensed no ill will or deceit in him, nor required that he be searched, but permitted him to approach. Mercury went to the place where she usually stood during such visits. Pleasantries were exchanged, and sincere flattery was offered by the visitor to the "beautiful queen of legend" and the "wise king and great protector." Then Sailor Mercury and the rest of the nearby Sailor Senshi tensed up as he reached under his robes to pull two objects out. Sailors Mars and Jupiter went so far as to position themselves between the Royal Couple and the Ambassador. Seeing this, the ambassador placed the objects on the floor.

"This one is for your majesty," he said, indicating Neo-Queen Serenity, "and this one is for your majesty." He bowed toward the King, and then with a flourish, backed away from them and knelt. Mars and Jupiter came down and examined them. These turned out to be gifts, which the two Senshi picked up and delivered to the King and Queen. Though Sailor Mercury could not make out their exact nature, given the deeply appreciative looks on their highness' faces, they must have been exquisite offerings.

Then, loud enough for Mercury to hear, the visitor said, "As well, I have a tale to offer and a request to make, and I pray these gifts will dispose you to hear me out."

"Thank you," said Serenity, "they are beautiful, though we would hear you in any case. Please proceed."

"I hope you can forgive my rudeness, but if it pleases your highnesses, this is a matter requiring greatest discretion. My words are for you alone, so as to give your highnesses maximum leeway in deciding to whom you should and should not reveal them."

He began his tale. As the story progressed, mild interest and then deepening concern and great surprise came over the faces of the king and queen. Mercury, like the rest of the Senshi present, could not help but strain to try and hear what was being said. Occasionally, the very live acoustics of the crystal hall did allow her to catch a word or two: "… new dispensation … human, all too human … only one … seventh generation … so many of them, breed like bunnies … took us a while to locate … a specific time has been chosen … only the very best … we promise to … we certainly … well-trained … minimize unintended consequences …"

It was mildly frustrating as there was little Mercury could make of this. Endymion began asking quiet but forceful sounding questions of the visitor, while Serenity looked at her and motioned for her to come over. As she got closer, she could hear a little bit of the conversation.

"As you can surely see," the ambassador was saying, "the request is within every right, but we will not lean on those rights. We will abide by whatever decision you make."

"By what right was this undertaken to begin with?" asked the king.

"By right of creatorship, oh great king. Besides, your old kingdom had passed, and the new was not yet begun."

"I see; and what if our answer is no?" asked Endymion, sounding more rude than he had perhaps intended.

"Then the matter ends here," said the visitor diplomatically, but then after a well timed rhetorical pause, he added plainly and with no malice, "for now. But – and I do beg pardon - we reserve to ourselves the right to come at a future time and plead the matter again, for we do have lawful cause …"

Sailor Mercury was so intent on the visitor's words, Serenity's touch on her hand came as a shock.

"What have you discovered so far?" Serenity asked with some anxiousness in her voice.

"The situation is, perhaps, worse than we feared. I cannot see Hotaru Tomoe through the door of time after the battle with Pharaoh Ninety, nor can I lock in on threads containing the energy signatures of the Outer Senshi."

"This is very disturbing," said the queen. "Perhaps the need for the Outer Senshi has passed. Pluto gone; Saturn missing; will we lose them all?'

"I would hate to think so," Mercury said, looking at proud Uranus and elegant Neptune, as they stood straight-backed and watchful at the main door of the throne room.

"So would I. How I miss them. Small Lady is starting to realize something is very wrong. She's becoming very anxious and despondent. She feels it was her fault we lost Pluto, and if she realizes by that, we may have lost Saturn as well … I don't know what she'll do. Her memories of both from the visits to the past before we began our investigations have only made things worse, it seems. Would it do any good to attempt going back into that time and trying to make better sense of Hotaru's disappearance?"

"Small Lady alone has mastered such things," said Mercury. "There may come a time for that, but without Sailor Pluto here to make sure things go smoothly, we shouldn't risk that until we at least have a better idea of what has happened."

"What do you recommend?"

"The only thing I can think of is to interview Uranus and Neptune in light of this new information, and see if they can offer any leads. Otherwise, I can only redouble my efforts to gain more data."

"Yes, talk to them, but later," said the queen. "I have every confidence in you. I know you'll figure it out. I'm sorry to add to your workload, but have you had any success in seeing very deeply into the currents of time after the fall of the Silver Millennium?"

"Depending on how deeply, some," Mercury replied.

"Down to the level of specific lives? That of any individual human?"

"You wish to see a single, but unremarkable, unknown person?"

"Yes," said the Queen, matter-of-factly.

"It's possible," said Sailor Mercury, "but only if I know a great deal about whom we're looking for to begin with. If it's a cold start, hit or miss attempt, no one could manage such a thing except by an impossible amount of luck. We can, of course, see the great currents in time, and those who were great in them. Yet we can't make much sense of it, because we lose the inner context of that time, until our reappearance as Senshi at the turn of the 21st century. Somehow, it seems that only by our presence in a time, can we enable the contextualization of temporal threads through the time gate from this age."

"That's a shame," Serenity said, her eyes beginning to glaze over at Mercury's technical explanation. "Considering what our visitor has told us, knowledge of that time would be … useful."

"I'm sorry, your highness. What did he say?"

"I'll tell you of that later," she said, smiling at Mercury's insatiable inquisitiveness. "I'll simply have to find out what I need to know by … other means."

'Other means' usually meant by intuition and guesswork.

"I'll return to the time gate and …"

Serenity cut her off with a smile.

"Yes, concentrate on that, and talk to Uranus and Neptune later. Don't worry about this. For now, though, return to your station."

'_Saturn, where are you?'_ thought Serenity. As she pondered the mystery, something strange happened. She realized the gift in her hand was noticeably warmer than the warmth of her hand should have made it. It was reacting to her in some way. She looked more closely at it, and saw it was a figurine executed in white gold, embedded within a beautiful crystal sunburst pattern. Because of its uniform color, and her focus upon the visitor, she had not taken much note of the details in it. Now she did, and found herself surprised.

In the meantime, Mercury noticed that Endymion had eased up on the visitor and they seemed to be talking amicably. Often when the King did this, he was actually sizing up the person with whom he was talking, and it appeared that he was generally satisfied that the visitor was no threat. Endymion also appeared genuinely moved by whatever the visitor was saying. There was still the sense permeating the room that what he was asking for was, in some way, quite problematic. One thing she did overhear: _"… a pure heart's dying wish."_ Something very interesting was being discussed and it was mildly troubling that she could not hear more of it. Serenity was in a pose of deepest thought –almost a trance- as she regarded the gift. Then suddenly it looked as though something had occurred to her, and as she looked at the ambassador and then back to the figurine, there was a dawning comprehension in her smile.

"We will give you our answer," proclaimed Serenity at the conclusion of this audience, "this evening. I must make consultations first. Ambassador, you have the leave of the city. Mercury, please take the ambassador on a tour and make it a thorough one. Show him every hospitality we have to offer."

"Yes, highness," she said, bowing slightly, and walking over to the ambassador.

"I thank you both for your hospitality, your patience in hearing me out, and your willingness to give an answer to my request," said the ambassador very sincerely. "It is more than we really had a right to expect. Please take all the time you need. I am in no hurry, and I am quite content to be in such a charming place with such charming company. Your answer will be the final word - for now."

* * *

Sailor Mercury got on famously with the ambassador now that they were both at ease with each other. He beamed as she guided him around the city, taking in everything and enjoying himself immensely. He smiled as the citizens of Crystal Tokyo took note of the strange creature among them. He seemed to take delight in them most of all. "Ah," he said, talking far more than the intelligent guardian who was supposedly informing him about the sights, "you can show me advanced technology, great architecture, or the highest of art forms, and I'll nod and say 'yes, yes, very nice' – and mean it. But show me a happy people among whom love and justice reigns supreme? That is a true glory."

"I agree," Mercury nodded.

Children were especially interested in the visitor and found him very cute. He was clearly touched by this for among his own kind - so he told Mercury, it had been very long time since anyone had found him "cute." He in turn produced gifts of sweets from under his robes.

"If I may ask," said Sailor Mercury, "what is your age?"

The creature got an impish look on his face, as if he was deciding whether to say something. "Old enough to know better," he said, "which is my usual response to that question. You are of considerable age yourself now, are you not, beautiful warrior? Sadly, I did not remain so beautiful, though in my day I was quite the lovable rogue."

"I think you're very cute as well," Mercury laughed. She had been around him enough now to see what might be signs of old age in his kind: the streaks of fading black in the fur of his head, a body more stooped than the physiognomy would require at a younger age, a bit of sagging under the eyes, the steady gait belying fading agility at any other speed, and the slightly unkempt whiskers around his snout.

"If you're wondering how I knew," he said apologetically, "well, everything has an effect if one knows what to look for. I know something of what you guard, and something of what you must be to guard it. You are strong, especially in mind, and have a heart that is as pure as any I have ever encountered. Watching timelines does have its effects on one, no matter how pure of course. I have seen much. You have seen much, as well. And yet it's always the same things, isn't it?"

Mercury was not disposed to reveal any more about her own age; she was a woman after all, but the discussion with the learned and aged creature was very stimulating.

"Yes, I am amazed at how quickly peoples can forget the things that make civilizations possible, and how they fall into despair as if on cue."

"Yes, tragic destiny. How hard it is to break out of the cycles. It's almost as if the journey is more important than the goal …"

"Indeed."

"… Oh? You think so? I wasn't finished. The journey is the goal, yes, but the goal is real enough. To be manifested, it requires that the journey end. Imperfections must be flushed out. The circles of creation are closed by death. I have to wonder something. When you lost that glorious guardian of time, were there any … repercussions?"

Mercury suddenly became very guarded, and that was enough for the Ambassador to know his question had hit the mark.

"Is that why you wish she were here, instead of you?"

Mercury said nothing.

"My apologies. I shall ask nothing further. Ah, may we try this place for a meal?"

Mercury nodded and they went inside.

* * *

Neo Queen Serenity had left the throne room to think about the Ambassador's request. She asked Endymion to remain with the others while she took a moment alone to think about all that her Senshi had said, arguing against granting the request. Even Endymion had disagreed until she looked at him with the look that only she could give and only he could receive.

Now she walked silently down the halls and was, in fact, retracing the steps the ambassador had taken to get to their throne room. Like him, she turned down a corridor and turned aside when she got to the alcove where Sailor Pluto lay in state. With great sadness, she stared at the perfectly preserved face and figure of the Time Gate Guardian.

'_Meioh Setsuna,'_ she mused. _'In nearly every way we were opposites. You are dark and I am fair. You are wise, and I have struggled much to learn. You were disciplined, and I was not. I cannot bear to be alone for very long. You have borne loneliness such as I cannot fathom. I have been 'too sweet', weak even, and you have had, or have learned, strength such as I could never have. It is almost as if, somehow, you were the sacrifice that made me possible.' _

In her hand was the Ambassador's gift. It was still warmer than it should be. She stared deeply at it, rehearsing every reason raised in opposition to granting the request. Among all her advisors, only one had kept her council: Luna. When Serenity looked at her, she could see the worry etched in Luna's face, but yet she thought Luna may actually have approved.

"Luna," she suddenly called out, "I know you're there. Come on out."

"I am sorry, my Queen," said the black cat, emerging from behind a column.

"About what? You always follow me whether I wish it or not. I knew you would and today I was counting on that. Hop up here, or show your human form, if you wish. I want you to look at something."

"I prefer to remain in feline form, but –as I suspect you realize- sitting on someone's tomb simply is not done," she said, as she transformed into her human form.

"Look at her," said the queen. "How is it that all this wasn't enough to include her?"

"Neo Queen Serenity," Luna responded, staring down at the face of Sailor Pluto, "Every night since her death, I have left you with the sadness of it -that you thought well hidden, on your face."

"It was my fault, Luna. I tried to fix it by reincarnating her in the past. But I fear I have not understood how time really works, and now, not only can Sailor Mercury not find Hotaru in the time stream, she can't find any of the other Outer Planet Senshi either."

"But Uranus and Neptune are still with us."

"Yes, but I wonder if we will lose them somehow. Luna, how can I settle for a 'utopia' that doesn't include them? They are hard nosed and stubborn, yes, but they have been faithful and stood watch over posts so lonely that we cannot imagine it. And …"

"Yes, my queen?"

"… I love them."

"Of course, my queen," Luna smiled. "I think I know why you are thinking of granting this request. You feel you owe it to her, them, everyone, to find a way, right?""

"Then you, too, think this has a chance of …"

"Forgive me, my queen," she interrupted, "I might say yes, except I'm not sure what 'working' means here. Things will change, that much is sure. Some things might get better: others worse. There are no answers here, only trade-offs. But this is obviously one of those times where the reasons against something are at odds with your heart. Only you and your heart can judge whether the trade-off is worth it. It has been given to you to make such judgements."

"You're only partially right, Luna. It doesn't matter whether it is worth it or not. I do owe it to them. And to Small Lady. As well, I think this means something," she said, and handed the ambassador's gift to her.

Luna took it, felt its warmth, and looked closely at it.

"You see it, too, don't you?"

"Yes," Luna said, eyeing it closely.

"A sign perhaps, eh?"

Luna sighed with that same smiling sigh of acquiescence to whatever it was in "Usagi's" heart to do.

"I want you to witness something," said Serenity, taking Luna's hands in her own.

"Yes, my queen."

* * *

Sailor Mercury returned the ambassador to the palace as gorged on the sights as on the best cuisine the city had to offer. The second audience was brief. The request had been granted, and the ambassador looked at Serenity almost teary eyed with amazed gratitude and relief, as though somehow this decision was bringing to an end some important and arduous task. Sailor Mercury was certain that there had been considerable discussion, for neither Endymion nor the Sailor Warriors who now flanked her – even Small Lady had been summoned!- looked comfortable with the decision. There must have been quite a few objections raised, and Serenity must have overridden them all. Sailor Mercury hoped that someone would bring her up to speed and soon. The Ambassador left with Mercury, but the tension in the room did not leave with him.

"It will happen when he disappears," Neo Queen Serenity said, concern and hope mixed evenly in her voice.

"I hope you've made the right decision," said Sailor Uranus.

"I am – almost – certain of it," she said, as she fingered the figurine in her hands.

Having returned with Mercury to the door of time, the ambassador walked away into the mists, but not before turning back and saying, "Farewell, beautiful guardian. Thank you. I now go to something better." Then he added cryptically, "Don't worry. Everything will be just fine."

"What happened back there?" asked Venus before heading back to the throne room.

"I do not know," she said. Venus looked mildly concerned, but that was quickly overwhelmed by a determined, gossipy look as she turned to leave. Mercury called to her, "Please come tell me, when you find out." Then she got out her computer and prepared to do as she had promised. First, Time Gate protocol required that she watch the retreating figure of the Ambassador until he was gone. With one last swish of the trailing robe, he disappeared.

And it happened.

Things changed.

Sailor Mercury found herself in her laboratory, frustrated at the thought that she was forgetting something important. Then it hit her: "It's my shift at the time gate. I was just there! How did I get here?" She ran quickly through the palace to the forbidden corridor, her footfalls creating a clattering cacophony that echoed for a few seconds even after her boots dug squeaking into the floor, bringing her to a screeching halt. She was stunned by what she saw. Standing before the Door of Time was Sailor Pluto: alive, holding something that looked like a letter in her hand and looking a bit confused herself.

"Pluto!" Mercury yelled, and then rushed to her and hugged her.

"What is this about?" Pluto asked, momentarily distracted from the curious letter by Mercury's embrace.

"You're alive! How can this be?"

"I am as I have …," she said, but then stopped, as though she realized what Mercury said was true, but that the truth had changed only moments ago. "I … do not know. What has happened? What is … this?"

She handed the letter to Sailor Mercury. It was signed by the queen, and written …

"… in Kanji?"


	2. Chapter 02 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Quality of Mercy**

**(Part 1)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

The child wonders at the mature _adult_.

The quest, however, which is at the core of _her_ wonder,

is painlessly fulfilled when the child grows into a mature _adult_.

**-Franz Rosenzweig**

* * *

**Mid-July, present age:**

"Hotaru?"

'_Who is that? Someone fighting? Why?'_

The littlest Senshi sat perfectly still, her eyes as blank as the sky on a starless night.

"Hotaru?"

'_She's so far away, but … who is that? Why is she …? I've got to get to her … '_

Nothing.

"Not good," said Haruka Tenoh, as she picked Hotaru up and carried her out of the classroom.

"We've got to figure out what is causing this," said Michiru Kaioh with quiet urgency, once they were out of earshot. "Do you think we should take her to a hospital?"

"She came out of it the last two times soon enough," Haruka replied. "Let's get to the house. When Setsuna gets home from classes we'll decide what to do."

Michiru got into the back seat of Haruka's convertible, and then Haruka handed the cataleptic Hotaru to her.

"Drive carefully, Haruka."

"When don't I?"

* * *

Setsuna Meioh walked out of class with her book bag slung over her shoulder. She was going to stay afterward to talk to her professor about her term paper, but first she needed to check with Haruka and Michiru about Hotaru's test that day. She got out her cell phone, saw she had a message from Haruka, and sensed immediately that it boded no good. She checked it. The term paper would have to wait.

She called Haruka.

"This time she didn't get through half the test," said Haruka gravely.

"Has she come to yet?" Setsuna asked.

"Nope. That's what's worrying me most. Should I come get you?"

"No, I shall take the bus, and be home in about forty minutes."

"Should we take her to a hospital?"

"Is she in any distress?" asked Setsuna.

"No, vital signs are fine, but she shakes now and then like … wait, what's that, Michiru?"

Setsuna heard Michiru yelling something but couldn't understand it.

"Michiru says she coming to now," said Haruka with relief.

"I shall head home right away."

"Okay, I'll start dinner."

"No, your cooking is substandard to put it charitably. Just get the casserole I made up this morning out of the freezer. Preheat the oven to 220 (C) and when it reaches temperature, put it in for exactly 57 minutes."

"Okay."

Haruka started the oven and then went upstairs to see Hotaru. She was chatting quietly with Michiru. When Haruka came in, she looked at her with worry and sadness etched into her face.

"Haruka-poppa, what's wrong with me this time?"

"Uh, … we don't know."

"Maybe I should see a doctor?" she said hesitantly. The last time this happened, she had insisted she was just tired.

"Yes, ultimately we may have to do that," said Michiru. "But that's a bit problematic."

"How?"

"Uh, well, … Haruka?"

"Umm, we're worried about inadvertent revelations."

"Because I am a Senshi."

"Yes," they replied together.

"We have to keep that in mind in everything we do," said Michiru. "Examinations and healing injuries usually aren't anything to worry about, but this could involve other kinds of examinations, specialists, and maybe even medications. We're not sure how those things might affect you, or what outsiders might learn."

"I know. But I really think I need to see a doctor."

"Well, Setsuna will be here soon," Haruka said, "and then we'll talk about what to do next. We most likely will take you to a doctor. But give us some time to find someone we can trust. Or fool." She patted Hotaru on the shoulder with a sneaky look on her face. "You okay now? Good enough to eat something?"

"I'm fine, now," she nodded.

"Go wash up. We'll stay home from school tomorrow."

"Haruka-poppa? Tomorrow is Saturday."

"Works out well then, doesn't it?" she said, winking at her.

"Michiru?" she asked as she watched Hotaru go into the washroom.

"Yes?"

"Is there something wrong with my cooking?"

"Oh, um …well, now's not the time to go into that."

* * *

Setsuna was half way home. She'd paused in her thoughts to acknowledge a debt of gratitude to the leaders of both Tokyo and the City of Kisarazu on the Chiba Peninsula for building the new Tokyo Bay Express, which connected the two cities. It was built, in part, because the Tokyo Bay Aqualine Bridge / Tunnel had not garnered the amount of cross bay traffic the builders had hoped. The Aqualine was quite a feat of engineering, and beautiful to look at, but the fairly exorbitant toll made it difficult for most working class people to travel it, so a cross-bay tunnel line was added to the subway system. In a nice bit of timing, it opened for business just two weeks before Setsuna, Haruka and Michiru purchased the house in which they now lived, as a part of their promise to raise baby Hotaru.

'_Baby Hotaru,'_ Setsuna smiled a little. _'She did not remain a baby long.'_

As the subway thrummed quietly and efficiently along, she spent the time fretting about Hotaru's problem. She was more and more certain those forced growth spurts had something to do with it. Hotaru started public school in April, the beginning of the academic year in Japan. She was a flawless student, always on time, homework always done. She still struggled with physical education, and that was one area where her guardians had proven quite inept. A shy, troubled girl, she had never made friends well, and that had not changed. There was still, Setsuna assumed, an aura around her that, understandably, put her peers off, and in this area, the brilliant little Senshi nor her guardians had any clue how to alter that. Perhaps it wasn't enough of a priority for her, and her time with Small Lady was enough to sustain her through social outsider status for now.

Setsuna left the subway and got one of several waiting buses. This was, for her, an eminently practical way to get around. As the Senshi of Time, she had an excellent grasp of where she needed to be and when. A car –which she could have readily afforded- might have seemed more convenient, but the transit authority had proven competent enough in punctuality for her to better use the time studying for classes or thinking about what she needed to do next in her highly ordered existence, while en route to and fro. Where a car was more practical, she always had leave to borrow one of Haruka's small fleet of Ferraris and other European sports cars. This removed the burden of having to maintain a car. Since anywhere from one third to half of Haruka's taxi service was usually in the shop for some reason, this seemed a double blessing. Only once had Setsuna borrowed one of them and then had it break down on her, but that was enough to make her wary of overusing the generosity of her housemate and long time friend. The bus pulled out, more or less on time –less, much, as far as Setsuna was concerned- and headed up the hilly spine of the Boso peninsula to their secluded house.

This was the third time since Hotaru started public school that she'd frozen during a test. The first time was during a short review test in mathematics. She was still able to walk and, with a little coaxing, the teacher was able to lead her to the nurse's office where she regained full control of herself just ten minutes later. The school had tried to get in touch with her guardians, but by the time they got a hold of them, Hotaru was already back in class and acting so normally that there was no reason for anyone to go get her. Haruka picked her up after school, and after a brief discussion with the teacher and the nurse, she seemed satisfied that Hotaru was fine, and that it was just a freak occurrence.

The second time was much worse. It was during midterm tests. Almost through her last test of the day, Hotaru was plowing through an essay question in world history, when she locked up completely. No one noticed until it was time to turn in the exam papers, but this time she was frozen stiff, pencil in hand, in the midst of completing her answer. It was the end of the day and Haruka and Michiru had just arrived to pick her up. Both of them were summoned from the parking lot by the principal and came running. The school nurse was taking her vital signs as they came in. She was fine physically, her eyes responded to the light, and everything else was normal, but she wouldn't move. Haruka carried her out to the concerned looks of several students and faculty. She regained consciousness at home forty minutes later and wondered how she'd gotten there. She remembered absolutely nothing during the seizure. They did consider taking her to a doctor, but, always trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in her life, Hotaru insisted that she was just tired after so many tests, and she had finished enough of the last test that she was sure she wouldn't need to retake it. This third occurrence meant something was surely wrong.

The bus slowed to wend its way a hard bend in the road in this hilly region. Setsuna took note of the sign that said "Scenic View Ahead." The sign was her cue to signal the driver to let her off at the next stop. As they passed it, she did so, and then took in the scenic view. It was pleasant to live in so nice an area. Pooling their resources was a fine idea for the Outer Planet Guardians. She could have never managed this on her own. Not yet at least, but maybe one day, when she was a world famous fashion designer … the brakes squeaked as the bus came to a stop. Setsuna got out. The house was only a brisk three minute (and 34 seconds) walk away. It was good exercise. She saw a figure in the distance. It was Hotaru, who saw her from afar, ran to her, and hugged her.

"I'm glad you're home, Setsuna-momma."

Setsuna smiled at Hotaru, and let her carry her book bag. In the time since Chaos was exorcised from Sailor Galaxia, Hotaru had drawn much closer to Setsuna. She and Setsuna were naturally close anyway. Sailor Saturn and Sailor Pluto were closely linked by their powers and this was simply the natural flowering of an already contingent relationship. Another part of the reason was the way that fight with Galaxia had gone, and the actions of Sailors Uranus and Neptune in the battle. The Outer Planet Senshi were tough minded and fatalistic in a fight, and yet, when the battle was over they had to go back to living, day by day, like ordinary people, and their civilian sides had time for reflection upon the inevitable consequences of what happened in their battles. One consequence of the feigned betrayal in which Uranus and Neptune had slain Pluto and Saturn as proof of their new loyalty to Galaxia / Chaos was that Setsuna became firmly fixed in Hotaru's mind as the one of her three guardians she most wanted to be like.

The two of them entered the house to the wonderful smell of the casserole. Hotaru set the table while the others washed up, and then they all sat down to dinner, and ate quietly and pensively until about halfway through when Hotaru suddenly spoke up. Though she spoke softly, the preceding silence made it seem like an unexpected thunderclap.

"I've been thinking about what happened today," Hotaru said as she picked at dinner moodily. "I guess it's not that big a deal. I mean, why do I even have to go to school anyway? They haven't really taught me much you hadn't already. I don't want to create problems for …"

"Hotaru," Michiru interrupted, "You were out for over two hours; that's a big deal. Whatever is causing this, it's getting worse. We're going to find out what's wrong. We just have to be careful how we go about it."

"It is very important," said Setsuna, "that you continue your education. We have taught you nearly everything we can, but there are gaps in your learning, and you need to be able to prove what you know to the proper authorities."

"Maybe we're pushing you too hard," ventured Haruka, "and you're feeling overwhelmed?"

"No," she replied quietly. "I can handle the material."

"Is there anything that happens when you start to take a test that is … different from any other school work?" asked Michiru.

Hotaru thought for a minute.

"I do try to concentrate a little more. A lot of the stuff is pretty easy. But a test is a test, and I'm always a little worried at first that there'll be something on it I'm not ready for."

"Did that happen today?" asked Michiru.

"Yes. A few times. Some of the questions were oddly worded. One of them was so strangely put, I wondered if I had missed a lesson or blacked out during an important moment in class. So, I really concentrated and I think I started it, but … no, I don't remember finishing."

"You do not recall anything that happens during one of these black outs?" asked Setsuna.

Hotaru thought for a minute.

"Just …"

"Yes?" said all three of her guardians.

"Just when I come out of it, I have this terrible sense that something bad was happening. Or maybe going to happen. But I can't remember what and when I come to, it goes away."

"Could be just residual feelings from past events," Haruka offered.

"So I don't remember anything because there's no need to? I already know it," Hotaru said mechanically, not very convinced of this.

"Now that you're taking such advanced classes, maybe you just suffer from test anxiety," offered Michiru.

"Why is there always something wrong with me?" she blurted out.

Her three guardians looked at each other.

"Whatever it is," said Michiru softly and calmly, "we'll get you through it. Together."

"Yes. Now it is time to go upstairs and take your bath," said Setsuna.

"Yes, Setsuna-momma," she said, and left the table.

* * *

"We're grasping at straws here," said Haruka, as she cleared the table. "She needs a doctor. At least to find out if it's something physical."

"I wish we, or at least one of us, could formally adopt her," said Setsuna, with some frustration. "It is always such a problem when we have to explain how she comes to be with us."

"You could lie about your age," said Haruka.

"I am always lying about my age," said Setsuna.

"Yeah, you should be grateful you always look young," Haruka chuckled.

"We don't want Hotaru to think we care more about our secrets than about her problem," said Michiru who was helping Setsuna rinse the dishes. "She's gotten a little too good at saying 'Oh don't worry about little me' things that cut right to the heart."

"I am certain that she understands the importance of secrecy," said Setsuna. "It would be well if we could avoid a doctor. I do not see how we can though. Ordinarily, the concealment aura would be enough to cover our actions, but in this case, it would probably involve specialists and a few weeks of diagnosis."

"Yes," said Michiru, "the aura is always much less effective at removing things that get into someone's long term memory. I'm pretty sure some of Usagi-chan's closer, non-Senshi friends have at least a vague idea of who she is."

"Tsukino-san makes friends easily, and is hardly the soul of discretion," said Sestuna slyly and then got back to the point. "Perhaps this is simply a result of Hotaru growing up."

"Or of her growing up too fast? You don't know of anything that is 'supposed to happen,' do you?" asked Michiru.

"No," said Setsuna, who was known to keep her own council about that when the situation warranted it, but in this case seemed as perplexed as everyone else. "Have you foreseen anything?"

"No, nothing at all. We must do something, but I wish we could solve this ourselves."

"Yes," said Setsuna, "we must always be on our guard."

"I'm more worried that she might freeze up in the bathtub and drown," said Haruka casually.

Setsuna and Michiru looked at each other and suddenly bolted up the stairs. Haruka smirked and followed along.

"Hotaru?" called Michiru and Setsuna urgently as they knocked on the bathroom door.

"Yes?" came her voice from the other side of the door.

Michiru poked her head in and said, "Just checking to see that you're okay."

"I'm fine."

"I think my point is made," Haruka smiled as she loped up the rest of the stairs. "She needs a doctor."

"Yes, well," said Michiru, "we still need to find someone we can trust."

"Very well," said Setsuna. "I have an idea. I shall talk to Miyuki-chan."

"Your friend, the psych major?" Haruka asked.

"Indeed. In fact, before we try to find out if it is something physical, she might be just the person to take a look at Hotaru. She is only a few months short of her doctorate. She has field experience and a job with a respected clinic already waiting for her. I can explain a little of the situation without revealing anything of importance, and I am certain we can expect the appropriate discretion from her. I shall call her and see if we can meet sometime this weekend."

"Setsuna Meioh has friends?" Michiru asked, winking at Haruka. "Outside this house, I mean? Who aren't Sailor Senshi?"

"Yeah, a few," Haruka chuckled, "but they're all girls."

"All of your friends are girls too, are they not?" Setsuna said, looking pointedly at Haruka.

"This is this and that is that," Haruka chuckled. "My reasons are opposite of yours."

"She's not that way for lack of opportunity, Haruka," Michiru smiled, "Setsuna does have plenty of admirers."

"By the way," Haruka smiled slyly, "this Miyuki: she cute?"

Setsuna walked away without further comment.

"I think we're making progress in awakening a sense humor in her," said Michiru after Setsuna's bun bobbed below the stairs. "She actually came back at you once there."

"Yeah, but even if we're not," said Haruka, "it's fun tormenting her."

* * *

"Also, Hotaru's legal status is somewhat problematic," Setsuna said to the pert, sharp-eyed, butter blonde woman sitting across from her the following afternoon. Their tea had arrived, and Setsuna had spent the last ten minutes explaining Hotaru's difficulties.

"Hmm, that's quite a problem. You were able to get that provisional guardianship, weren't you?" asked Miyuki Mayamura, who was one of the top five clinical psychology students at K.O. University.

"Yes, and that has helped, but … well, we were hoping you might consider examining her yourself."

"Oh," said Miyuki sounding a little flattered. "Yes, I see, to avoid unnecessary complications. Well, I'm flattered that you think so highly of my abilities. I certainly can take a look at her, unofficially, and then recommend who you should see."

"That is what we were hoping," said Setsuna, relieved that Miyuki was so quick on the uptake.

"What would be a good time for you?"

"Are you busy at present?"

"You are always so right-to-the-point and businesslike," Miyuki laughed. She genuinely liked this odd but admirable young woman. "I'm afraid I only have half an hour right now. What about tomorrow afternoon?"

"Where shall we meet you?"

"I could come to your house. I would enjoy the drive."

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Setsuna said warmly.

Setsuna explained how to get their house, and they agreed upon a time tomorrow afternoon.

* * *

The next day, Miyuki arrived and talked privately with Hotaru for over an hour. When she was done, Hotaru went outside to play in the garden, and Setsuna served Miyuki refreshments.

"What do you think?"

"I think you have a lovely house, Setsuna," said Miyuki as she looked around.

Setsuna smiled and said, "I mean about Hotaru, of course."

"Setsuna-san, don't you ever just … talk to people, for the mere sake of it?" said Miyuki. "I have some time left. I could psychoanalyze you. Figure out why you're so aloof?"

Setsuna sighed, but with a tiny smile. "I am not standoffish. I am merely focused."

"I know," she smiled. "You always look like you're on some kind of mission. When you're not looking depressed, that is. You're an odd woman, Setsuna-chan. So unapproachable. Were you to ever show any interest in dating, I know, or know of, fifteen people dying to go out with you. That is, if they can work up the nerve to ask."

"Hmm," she said indifferently, "that explains the spate of brushing-off-men I have had to endure lately."

"I never said they were _all_ men," she said slyly.

"Please, Miyuki-chan, what of Hotaru?"

She took a deep breath and said, "First of all, it is entirely possible, as you've suggested, that Hotaru is overtaxed by her present educational level: not intellectually – she is superbly smart, but in other ways, emotionally and psychologically perhaps. I've only talked with her once, but even with what little I've seen, I would stake my incipient, but soon to be phenomenal, professional reputation on the problem being psychophysiological, or 'psychosomatic' to use the lay term, in nature. You mentioned that she'll be getting an MRI this week?"

"Yes."

"I don't think they'll find anything physically wrong with her. You should proceed, of course."

"Of course," Setsuna said, nodding slightly.

"However, this is only part of the problem. I'm almost certain there is more to it than this, but I have no idea what. It would take a lot of psychoanalysis to find out."

"I see," said Setsuna, hiding well the concern she felt. "Do you have a recommendation?"

"Yes, I do," she said, after a curious pause. "I've been thinking about your problem since we talked yesterday. Everything I've learned about Hotaru today confirms what I was thinking even then. Now bear with me here, because this may seem a little strange. I think she needs … a tutor."

"A … tutor?" It was not often Setsuna looked this surprised.

"Not just any tutor. Somebody I know. That is, if he's even still doing that."

'_He?'_ thought Setsuna.

"You remember me telling you about my brother, shortly after we first met?"

Setsuna thought for a moment.

"Oh yes, the one with testing anxiety."

"We tried everything," she said. "My brother is a genius, but he cracked under the pressure of high school entrance exams, dropped out of school and completely withdrew from life. He was becoming a real _hikkomori_. Mom and dad were pretty desperate. I was too. We just didn't know what to do. But then, we found someone who really turned him around. He's really … different."

She began rummaging through her purse.

"Ah yes, I still have it," she said happily as she pulled out a card and handed it to Setsuna. It was old and faded, but the contact information still visible. She handed it to Setsuna who looked quizzically at it.

_Juku PK and Private Tutoring_

_Peter Kuryakin, Instructor_

"I don't think he does the cram school anymore, but I know he was still doing private tutoring as of a couple of years ago. We don't know exactly what he did, but we gave him a pretty free hand, and Kuryakin-san really pulled my brother out of it. He started getting his life back together, he aced his high school exams, graduated two terms early, and now he's pulling down top grades in college. I can't begin to tell you how grateful we were. It bordered on the miraculous. Kuryakin-san was that fantastic. My parents would worship him, if he'd let them."

"Why is so talented a teacher to be found in such a run-down neighborhood?" Setsuna asked taking note of the address.

"I asked him once why he didn't work in a more upscale place. He said, 'those who are healthy don't need a doctor. And the rent is cheaper.' I can assure you he's very effective, thoroughly professional. Every student of his I ever talked to said he was a great teacher, and very concerned with every aspect of their success. He was very in demand a few years ago."

"So this is your professional recommendation," said Setsuna sounding a bit disappointed.

Miyuki was normally as chatty as Setsuna wasn't, but when it came to her profession, she was very serious. She stared directly into Setsuna's eyes.

"Setsuna-san, I am fully aware that you asked me for help because you need this handled with the greatest discretion. I am very flattered, not just professionally but personally, that you turned to me. Two days ago, I would have had a hard time believing you would ever need help with anything. That you even had to ask means the situation is serious. I assure you I have taken it seriously. All the more so having met Hotaru. She is a beautiful, wonderful child, and just because I think the problem is 'psychosomatic' doesn't mean the problem isn't real. This is not the first time I've seem something like this - if you take my meaning? It could blow up into something much bigger. You should really think about it. If he agrees to take her on –and he's very selective - he will not stop until he finds a solution."

"He is _that_ able?" asked Setsuna.

"Ask anyone in my family. Ask my brother. I'll give you his number. Even knowing all that I know now, I don't think I could have helped my brother as well as Kuryakin-san did. When I asked Shiro how he did it, he said he didn't really know, but one thing he remembered well: from the first day they met, he felt like he _'wasn't alone in this'_ anymore. I don't even know what, exactly, he meant by _'in this'_ but that's just how my brother put it. And by the way, don't take too long deciding about this because if I remember right, Kuryakin-san follows the American style academic calendar."

"Why?"

"I think it was because quite a few of his high school level students ended up studying abroad. If they stay here for college, they're three months ahead of everyone else."

"Well, perhaps we shall try this," she said.

"If my diagnosis is even close, I think this is the answer, Setsuna," she said as she got up to leave. "But if you like, I will have another session with Hotaru at your convenience, or, if you want, recommend someone in my field. But, given all the factors, I truly think this person can help you better than I, or anyone I could recommend. Thank you for your hospitality, Setsuna. I need to go, if there is nothing else."

"Yes, it would be good for you to leave before Haruka shows up," Setsuna smiled.

"Oh, you think she'd like _me_?" Miyuki giggled with playful mock interest.

"No one can say, but it would be wise to not find out. Your fiancé might not approve. Thank you again."

"You're welcome. I hope you're not disappointed in me, Setsuna-san."

"Oh, certainly not. You have most generous to give of your time like this. I admit, I am a bit surprised by your recommendation. Do you recall how much this tutor charges for his services?"

"I don't remember exactly," she said, trying to remember, "but once he decides to help someone, I think he takes into account what they can afford. We could afford plenty and that's what we paid, but there are a couple of people I am almost certain he taught for free. Anyway, if it's to help the ones we love, is any price too high?"

Setsuna saw her to the door, and thanked her again.

"Oh, and one other thing …" Miyuki said as she got into her car.

"Yes?"

"He's kind of cute."

Setsuna glanced heavenward and shook her head.

'_The ones we love,'_ thought Setsuna, as Miyuki's car headed down the driveway. How had she come to love Hotaru so?

* * *

Hotaru's MRI confirmed there was nothing physically wrong.

Setsuna talked it over with Haruka and Michiru, and they decided to see how Hotaru fared with the make up exams for the tests she had been unable to complete. On the day of the exams, Haruka and Michiru were waiting right outside the door of the classroom. It was deserted except for her and the proctor. Hotaru began. She did quite well at the beginning, but as she began to tired, the anxiety began to build. This time she felt it coming. She cried out, then froze. Her guardians quickly got her home. One final consultation with Setsuna and it was decided that they would take Miyuki's advice.

Setsuna called the number on the card Miyuki had given her and turned the speaker phone on so Michiru and Haruka could listen in. The phone was answered by a man with a deep, resonant, gentle voice, who in the conversation came across as somehow both young yet very mature, as well as good humored and kindly. From the name on the card, Setsuna knew he was foreign, but his Japanese was impeccable, in every respect. At first, he seemed a bit reluctant as Setsuna introduced herself, and began to explain the situation. Finally, he mentioned that he had intended to end his tutoring practice no later than the new year. Furthermore, he added, he only rarely took genius level students, whom he felt really ought to learn to take care of themselves, unless they were really having trouble fulfilling their potential due to some other problem. Setsuna then explained that this was exactly the case, and that he might be their last hope of a relatively simple solution.

After a brief and pregnant pause, during which the sounds of rustling papers could be heard, he said, "Oh, wait a moment … ahhhhhh, okay," and then seemed to have a change of heart. He admitted he did have sufficient open time in his future plans to take a single student for one more term, and thought it might be possible to see if he thought he could help Hotaru - for one term only. Though her voice did not betray it, Setsuna found herself relieved to hear this.

After agreeing upon a meeting tomorrow at 12:15 in the afternoon, he asked if he could speak to the prospective student for a moment. This seemed a bit strange, but after he explained that he could "hear things" in a person's voice and that he may as well start thinking about whether he could help her, Setsuna called Hotaru in to talk with him. He was jovial and paternal but without condescension. He asked Hotaru how she'd feel about having a private teacher for a term, and she thought that might be nice. Then he told her a joke about a man running around in the middle of the road, dodging cars, and then nearly being run over by a car driven by a squirrel.

"And the squirrel says, 'see, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?'" he said.

Hotaru thought it was pretty funny and that it was made even funnier by his delivery of the punch line in a really cute, high-pitched, cartoon voice. Michiru cracked a little smile, as well. After Hotaru left the room, he mentioned that he liked how she laughed and that he was looking forward to meeting Hotaru tomorrow.

"He sounds nice enough," Michiru said thoughtfully.


	3. Chapter 02 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 2: The Quality of Mercy**

**(Part 2)**

**

* * *

**

**Epigraph:**

"Nature may not have the name of Isis; Isis may not be really looking for Osiris.

But it is true that Nature is really looking for something; Nature is always looking

for the supernatural. Something much more definite was to satisfy that need ..."

**- GK Chesterton The Everlasting Man**

**

* * *

**

At the appointed time, the four outer planet Senshi found themselves in a section of the city they would not normally frequent, staring at a modest, run-down, octagonal, traditional building that was probably once used as living quarters for priests or monks, who served a temple that was no longer anywhere to be seen. The address was clear enough over the door. There was a nice sign that said "Juku-PK"; it was the sharpest looking thing about the outside of the establishment. The August afternoon was hot and humid. Setsuna walked Hotaru toward the door, while Michiru and Haruka appeared about to take a walk, but then thought better of getting too far from the convertible in such an area of town. Instead, they headed toward a rusty park bench under some nearby shade trees with a good view of the car. As Setsuna and Hotaru neared the front door, they heard another door open somewhere, and voices coming from around one side of the building. A pretty, fairly tall young girl in a student's uniform emerged followed by a much taller, casually dressed man wearing visor-like sunglasses and speaking with the same deep voice they'd heard over the phone. The student was exclaiming excitedly in a kittenish voice about a scholarship she had won.

"I really couldn't have done it without your help, sensei," she said gratefully.

"That's very kind," said the tall, rangy man, whose deep voice was even more resonant in person, "but you don't need to thank me for what _you've_ achieved. I didn't give anything away. I may have helped you organize yourself a little better and to accept that some things in your life had to go if you were to achieve your goal, but I assure you, you earned every grade. I'm very excited for you."

"Well, I still don't think I could have done it all by myself. I am forever in your debt."

"Hardly," the man said, kindly but firmly. "Your family paid plenty for my services, and you put in for that scholarship, wrote a first rate essay, and won it all on your own. I know I am going to hear good things about you in the future. Keep doing your best!"

"Yes, sensei!" said the student, bowing gratefully.

The teacher bowed also, and beamed as his pupil got into a very nice and very new sports car, a graduation present from the girl's parents, parked in the dirt parking area that none of the Senshi had hitherto noticed.

"If you run into any trouble I am available to help," said the tall man. "Even if you don't, I truly want to know how you're doing. So keep in touch. Don't make me fly all the way to Columbia University for an update."

"Yes, sensei!"

He waved goodbye as the student sped off, and watched the departing car for a few moments, then sighed and bowed his head in thought.

'_Was he sad about something?'_ wondered Hotaru.

"Nice car," whispered Michiru to Haruka.

"Cute girl," she whispered back. Michiru rolled her eyes.

The tall man turned and took notice of Haruka and Michiru.

"Konnichi wa," he said, smiling and bowing slightly to them.

"Yo," said Haruka, casually.

He had started to turn away, when he did a double take and looked at both of them again. Haruka seemed especially intriguing to him. Then he nodded politely to them, and turned to look at Setsuna and Hotaru.

"I wish they meant it when they tell me they'll keep in touch," he said sadly. "Alas, most of them don't."

Having quickly taken in the classy looking pair before him, he looked at his studio, and then thought it necessary to explain something.

"I don't suppose my 'teaching studio' is all that impressive to outward appearances. I rent, you see? But I can assure you the interior is quite neat and comfortable, and cool as well. It's a hot afternoon, so please join me inside. And you two are quite welcome, too," he said gesturing toward the girls sitting on the park bench. Haruka waved him off. She hadn't noticed that Michiru had gotten out her mirror and taken a glance into it.

"As you wish," the man smiled. "Though there's not much around here worth looking at. Well, other than you two," he added. Haruka scowled and Michiru smiled. The flattery seemed sincere, and Michiru found that, quite without intending it, she'd taken a liking to this man almost as quickly as Haruka's level of dislike for any man went up few notches.

"So then, you are my 12:15 appointment?" he asked, looking at Setsuna.

"Yes," she said, as he ambled toward them.

"Good. I love how people are always on time in this country," the man said. "My name is Peter Kuryakin."

"I am Setsuna Meioh, and this is Hotaru Tomoe."

All three of them quickly took a better look at each other. His face was what Setsuna expected from someone with the surname of Kuryakin: Caucasian and strong featured, with a straight and prominent nose, and an affable smile. He was very tall, and wearing tan slacks with a white shirt and blue sport coat. _'Adequate, though not especially stylish,'_ she thought. As Miyuki had said, he was fairly handsome – not a "pretty boy" to be sure- but upon a thorough look, he was not bad at all. He appeared to be in his late twenties or early thirties. His hair was a bit wavy, black, neatly cut and kempt, and he had odd sideburns, which made him seem a bit 'wild'. Hotaru looked carefully at him, and he was very cool taking in Setsuna, showing in his face no particular hints at any thoughts going on inside his head. Even when dressed casually, Setsuna exuded demure and classy deportment, but today, despite the warmth, she had gotten fully decked out in one of her better original outfits. It was an off-white, tight skirted number with matching, sandal strap heels: an ensemble that –Hotaru only now noticed- glowed a bit in the noon sun. There was something else too.

'_Had she put on just a bit more make-up today?'_ thought Hotaru.

As Hotaru looked at the man, she had to crane her neck so much she was almost looking straight up. Seeing this, Haruka chuckled, and nudged Michiru, who was looking into her mirror. She looked up and chuckled as well. Hotaru thought his sunglasses made him seem 'cool.' For the moment, his eyes were firmly locked on Setsuna, so much so Hotaru wondered if he wasn't lingering a bit too long over her. A moment later, and the thought that he certainly _was_ quietly nestled in the back of her mind.

"So then, this is Hotaru …"

The man knelt down to look at her, eye to eye, taking off his sunglasses as he did. He was confronted with the pale but adorable and delicate featured face of a girl somewhere between eleven and no more than thirteen years of age, set like a tapered porcelain bowl between curtains of shiny, sable hair with a tint that matched an amazing pair of violet colored eyes. Somehow, she gave the impression of being much younger, and of a frailty mixed with a strangely fearsome aura. She found herself immediately drawn to the almost unnatural chatoyancy of his blue eyes, but that was only the beginning of this unexpectedly peculiar encounter. When he looked directly into her eyes, there was an immediate shock of recognition between them. It was palpable. She had never felt anything like it. It was as if they knew, or should know, each other - _somehow_. Both of them knew it, and knew the other knew it. He seemed as taken aback as she. An amazed, kindly and curious look came over his face, and as it did, any fear or wariness in her heart at meeting a stranger vanished. She had only to smile at him and he was instantly and utterly charmed.

"So … Hotaru," he said, finding his voice, "which means 'firefly' in English."

She nodded with a bright smile.

"Very poetic. Yes," he said, looking thoughtful, "it suits you well."

She nodded her agreement, and while she did, something even more strange happened. He cocked his head in puzzlement and seemed to peer very hard between her eyes for just a moment. Then he smiled, stood up, and looked at Setsuna, who seeing his eyes for the first time, almost let out a tiny gasp.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, looking puzzled.

"No, no," she said, after a moment. He smiled very warmly at her. Unbidden though the thought was, she admitted it was a very nice smile. He reached out a hand to usher them in, and the inside of his studio was as nice as the outside wasn't. Cool air met them as they entered and removed their shoes. Hotaru gawked as they passed by neat, well-kept rooms that seemed bigger than one might have thought looking at the outside. Each room was filled with very interesting looking stuff.

"Kuryakin-san," Setsuna said, "So you are Russian, then?"

"American, actually," he said, but in strange way, almost like there was more to it than that. "Russian-American ancestry. I came to Japan about seven years ago. I started teaching English classes and ran a cram school to make my way. I liked it here, so I stuck around."

"How tall are you?" asked Hotaru eagerly.

"Hotaru," said Setsuna, somewhat reprovingly.

"Quite all right. I get that a lot, especially in this country. My fault, really, as I usually find a way to mention my height before peoples' understandable curiosity overwhelms their otherwise unfailing manners. I don't mind people who speak openly," he winked at Hotaru. "I am 201 centimeters tall, Hotaru-chan."

"… wow …"

"Without … my shoes on," he said slyly.

He showed them into a comfortable sitting room decorated with a few very smart antiques of indeterminate origin, and then offered them refreshments: lemonade, apple juice, or water with cheese, crackers, cookies and small cakes. Hotaru indulged herself the moment she felt she had leave to do so, and Setsuna, very decorously, took a bite out of one of the cakes.

"Please take something for your friends when you leave," he said, producing a couple of plastic cups, filling them with ice and lemonade, and securing them with lids. "I really regret that they didn't see fit to join us as they both looked very … interesting."

"Well, they prefer to keep to themselves," Setsuna responded, before taking a sip of some apple juice.

"I can appreciate that, Miss Meioh. But if it's not too personal, I wonder if you could explain something to me?"

"Yes?"

"Why does that blond kitten dress like a man?"

Hotaru suppressed a giggle, not only at the question, but how he'd put it. Setsuna appeared duly impressed at such powers of observation that could tell upon a first meeting, and from a distance, that Haruka was a woman.

"Well, it is … her way."

"Hmm," he said rubbing his chin. Then a slightly mischievous look came over him and he asked quickly, "Those two wouldn't happen to be lovers, would they?"

Setsuna appeared a bit taken aback at the question.

"I didn't really need an answer. I just wanted you to know that I am not unobservant."

"I am duly impressed," said Setsuna. "You are open and honest, something I prefer, though perhaps it is possible to be too honest."

"Indeed, Miss Meioh," he said. "There is certainly much to be said for getting to know people carefully, and with reciprocal respect, and with the slow and mutually-agreed-upon revelation of … hidden matters." He bowed to her.

"I am very glad to hear you say that," said Setsuna.

"Speaking of which," he continued, "Hotaru-chan, would you be interested in seeing the aquarium I have in the next room over? It's really very nice. It's my 'Finding Nemo' fish tank. You can find a lot of the fish from that movie in it. Sadly, the Regal Blue Tang is on its last fins. Until I figure out what disease it has contracted, I've put it in a separate tank. But there is a blowfish, a couple of clownfish, even a small school of moonfish."

Hotaru looked very excited to see this and lit off for it at once.

"Next room over, on the right," he called after her.

"Hotaru, be careful and do not break anything."

"Yes, Setsuna-momma. Found it!" she said merrily. "Amazing …"

"Oh, don't make that blowfish expand more than once or twice," Kuryakin called to her. "That really wears them out."

**

* * *

**

"What an adorable girl," he said. "So, Miss Meioh, what exactly is her problem?"

"In the last few months," Setsuna began, "she has suffered seizures while taking tests. She has not had them at any other time. So far, there have been four incidences of this."

"In the last few months and only during academic testing? How strange. Perhaps tests make her focus her mind in a way that she doesn't normally. There are all sorts of ways one can overload the mind. Everyone reacts bit differently."

This was just the sort of insight Setsuna wanted to hear.

"Are there ways to look for such things?" she asked.

"Oh yes," Kuryakin began and then took a few minutes explaining what he thought he could do for her. Then he showed her his teaching certificates, and tutoring license, along with several glowing references about his ability, professionalism and trustworthiness in all social situations. She looked through them, quietly examining the list of people willing to be contacted for further reference and fully intending to use it over the weekend, but the mere fact that there were so many people willing to testify to his effectiveness and professionalism was impressive.

When she came to a newspaper clipping, he broke in, "I'm not trying show off. That happened right after I came here. It involved one of my very first groups of students, on our very first field trip, as a matter of fact." The article described how the newly arrived _gaijin_-teacher had put himself at risk to protect his young charges while they were on a field trip to a local zoo when some hooligans messing around accidentally released one of the big cats. "That article makes it sound a lot more dramatic than it was," he said. "That tiger was old, declawed, and had just eaten, so it wasn't all that big a danger. Still, couldn't have something that big and wild roaming about, especially with little ones around. Seeing that article helps people realize I take my responsibility seriously. The girl in front, there? She was 16 at the time; she'd be 23 now. Sweet girl. Very pretty and very bright. From that day on, I was her hero. She graduated five years ago, and I heard nothing more from her until last year when out of the blue, I actually got a love letter from her," he chuckled amusedly. "Imagine that."

"Indeed? What … happened?" Setsuna asked, casually.

"With love letter girl? Heh, well. I … let her down easy, of course. Er, yeah," he said ironically. "I told her she could do much better than me. So then, Miss Meioh, do you have any other questions?"

The answer to that question was 'yes,' but strangely, Setsuna was having trouble remembering them.

"Well then," he said, "why don't we take a further look around."

As they walked through the hallway, Setsuna mentioned how intelligent Hotaru was and asked if he would be able to handle any subject in which she might excel. Kuryakin asked her to pick a subject. She chose her major, physics.

"Follow me," he said.

In a room down the hall, he showed her a well-equipped basic physics lab. As she explored, he asked her if she'd read any recent journal articles. She mentioned the title of one she'd seen, and he grabbed a journal off the shelf, flipped through it and began reading.

"You are very up to date on the subject," she said, when he'd finished.

"Pretty much," he responded. Then to prove he wasn't just reading something he did not understand, he continued, "Although I think there are some problems with the article's thesis." He then explained at length what he thought was 'off' even to the point of writing out a lengthy equation on the room's marker board. "The point being, Miss Meioh," he concluded, "I know the material and I know how to teach it, especially one-on-one. You can pick just about any major subject and I can show you a small but properly equipped classroom and demonstrate passing competency in it. I can handle anything Hotaru needs to learn."

"You can teach any major field?"

"Correct."

"To what level?"

"Post Doc in some fields," he said quite casually. "Is the girl _that_ intelligent?"

"Not quite, yet" Setsuna replied, but that was not why she asked. She thought it very, very strange that one person, young or otherwise, could know so much in all major fields.

"I'm also very good at understanding people," he continued, as he guided her back to the sitting room, "once I get to know them a bit, and I think I have an excellent chance of finding out why Hotaru freezes up during tests. If you're willing, I actually decided last night I would be glad to take her on."

Setsuna had been quite ambivalent about the idea of a special tutor for Hotaru, and had told Haruka and Michiru as much. Having met the prospective tutor, there were some things about the man that did little to alleviate that. Still, he was clearly more-than-competent and she was mildly impressed at how willing and even eager he seemed at the prospect of trying to help Hotaru. Her misgivings aside, the idea had edged over into the favorable balance of her mind, and with that, she had only one big worry left: the cost.

She had heard him say that the family of that student who was leaving as they arrived had paid him plenty. Miyuki Mayamura had mentioned that he took into account how much someone could afford, and may have taught some students _gratis_. But in sizing up Hotaru's guardians, so observant a person might reasonably conclude they were well off, much more so than they actually were. The Outer Planet Senshi were "elite" but, as she knew well, none of them could claim to be _independently_ wealthy. Yes, they were well enough off, each for different reasons, but they also had the obligations, as well as the aspirations, to match. As the two of them sat back down, Kuryakin began writing down some things on a slip of paper, while Setsuna filled out a few forms. _'I should have come alone, without make up, worn slacks, dressed Hotaru in a burlap sack, and brought her by bus,'_ she thought, as she signed them. Then, Kuryakin slid the paper across the intervening table. She picked it up, read it and looked very surprised.

"This is …" she started to say, but then looked again to make sure she hadn't misread it. "This is … very generous."

"I have to eat like everybody else, but I try to take my clients circumstances into account as much as possible. You appear to be a college student. K.O. University, am I correct?"

"Yes," she said. "What made you aware of this?"

"Well, I could go into a whole Sherlock Holmes exposition here, but I don't really need to, do I?"

But she looked intrigued, like she really wanted to take the measure of this teacher.

"Right, you prefer honesty. Okay, in the words of a great American philosopher," he began, "you can observe a lot by watching. So then, here are a few little things I have noticed about you: you appear to be no more than in your early twenties, at most. When I asked you to pick a subject, you immediately picked Physics, a subject that requires college training. If you wanted to test my mettle, it would have been pointless to pick a topic about which you knew little. You looked kind of impressed by my demonstration in the lab, and you were, I think, listening critically and not merely to verify. Then there's your speech, which is not only very proper, charming and even antiquated, but also has a precision of language and syntax that suggests scientific training. Your clothes appeared to be original. It's not that I go out of my way to take note of the latest fashions in the stores, but truthfully, I don't miss much. So, I'm guessing you make them yourself. College students are usually under funded, and it could be that you do it not only for the joy of creating things, but also out of thrift. Now, it's possible you are rich, but it took you over two weeks to call me and more often than not, that kind of reluctance signaled a concern over what a private tutor might cost. It all seemed to fit."

"How did you become aware of when I had first heard of you?" she asked.

"Miyuki Mayamura called me after she talked to you. She let me know that you might be calling. And since she goes to K.O., I …"

"Ah, I see," Setsuna interrupted. "One can learn as much by serendipity as observation."

"My secret is out," he smiled. "When you called it did take me a minute realize it was you Mi-chan was talking about. She told me a little about the situation. Please don't be mad at her. She really urged me to help if I could. She admires you, and I'm beginning to see why. "

"What else have you observed?" asked Setsuna, with playfully suspicious gleam in her eye.

"Well," he continued, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "just off the cuff here … you're single, you're obviously too young to be Hotaru's birth mother, and I suspect a bit too young to legally adopt her. But I think you would have adopted her if you could. Much emphasis is placed on bloodlines in this country, and the concept of adoption has, sadly, had a poor reception here. However, legally, you are able to make decisions for her, so I'm guessing you have some kind of provisional guardianship. At any rate, I surmise that, as a person, you must be very openhearted, you like children, and you care for Hotaru very, very much. It's very impressive, Miss Meioh, and that's one more reason why I'd like to help if I can."

"Anything else?" she asked, looking a little flattered, but also concerned. The man was pretty sharp.

"Other things? Well, those two kittens outside are, I suspect, the people who were in the room with you and Hotaru when you called. You had me on speakerphone, after all, I could tell this was a 'conference call'. So I'm guessing you three make decisions together, at least where Hotaru is concerned. Caller ID said it was an unlisted private residence, so I suspect you and Hotaru probably live or at least room with them, sharing expenses and such. And that's another reason, I suspect you're single. That nice car you came in belongs to Tomboy Kitten – yes, she was driving, but also she does not look like a back seat kind of person, except where Princess Kitten is concerned, perhaps … is something funny?"

"Why do you refer to them that way?" Setsuna, suppressing a smile, asked.

"I've seen Tomboy Kitten before."

"Oh, where?"

"One of my past students was into track and field," Kuryakin explained. "I went to a couple of his meets for moral support. She was there, too. Her name is Haruka Tenoh, isn't it? She's fast. I saw two of her races. She is very fast. Fast as the boys, really. That's why I remembered her. Oh, and later on, I happened to see her hitting on some very cute girls who apparently didn't realize she was a girl, since she was back in her warm-up suit."

"How long ago was this?"

"That would have been over two years ago."

Setsuna seemed a bit shocked. "You remember things in that kind of detail, that far back?"

"Don't you? I mean, if they're interesting enough? Anyway, I remember her calling them 'my kittens' as she flirted with them. Should I get a chance to talk to her, I will be interested to see if Miss Tenoh can take it as well as she dishes it out. I also wonder how she can legally drive as she is surely not yet old enough to have a license. And I'm sure there's a very interesting story behind how two high school girls come to live in their own house, in such a nice neighborhood," he said, tapping the address at the top of the form she'd just filled out and signed, "drive fancy convertibles, and dress so sharply."

"That is more than merely observant. That is almost psychic," said Setsuna.

"Hardly, Miss Meioh," he said as though trying to deflect something. "Reality testifies to itself quite readily if one sees what is there. Everything affects everything else. If one knows what to look for, or has been trained to look for it, it's not that hard."

"Well, I am duly impressed with your abilities," she said. _'A little too impressed. What have we gotten into here?'_

"Thank you. You have an unusual problem. I'm good at solving such problems. I really think I can help."

"Your fee is very generous. We do appreciate it. Thank you," she said sincerely, "very much."

"You're welcome," he said warmly.

"There is one other thing I need to talk to you about."

"Yes?"

"I am not certain how, exactly, to say this."

"Just say it, Miss Meioh. I'm not easily provoked or offended."

"I ask that you do not pry into our personal circumstances."

"You mean more than that which is readily observable or necessary? Miss Meioh, you have the list of people who are willing to vouch for my professionalism. Please use it, and you will find that I am the soul of discretion."

"So when you try to figure out what is causing Hotaru's problem, you will be very … careful?"

"I see. Yes, of course. You have my word, and that list of references, besides. I'm not sure what else I do to prove myself at this early stage. If I make you uncomfortable in some way, then perhaps this is not a good idea."

"No, no," Setsuna said. "I believe you are just what I … what _we _are looking for."

He motioned for her to follow him, and they went into the room where Hotaru was staring happily at the school of moonfish.

**

* * *

**

"I am quite curious about … but never mind."

"Please speak freely," Kuryakin said amiably.

"Why does someone of your abilities spend his time tutoring a few, ordinary people instead of …," but Setsuna's voice trailed off as though she had just said something insulting to him and beneath herself. There was something very disconcerting about this man, especially those eyes that strangely made her think of someone who couldn't be more different than the man before her.

"… instead of doing bigger, grander things?" he finished the thought for her. "You ever read Cervantes' _Don Quixote_, Miss Meioh?"

"Long ago, yes," she replied. _'Shortly after it first came out,'_ she did not say.

"In the story, Quixote must learn to help ordinary people, instead of the illusory personages of romance. Now truthfully, I have never in my life met an _ordinary_ person. I don't think there is such a thing. Oh, of course, I have preferences and such, people I prefer to be around, and people I prefer not to be around. That's only natural. Still, I have never met an ordinary person. The people I am most proud to have helped probably would not strike you as very impressive. Their accomplishments are perhaps mediocre, but when I think about how things might have gone for some of them? I think I have done very good work here.

I've had a quite a few students through here in seven years. Early on, I did teach larger groups, geniuses included, and did it well. People were very sad to see me close the cram school, but others do that just as well, and there are only so many hours in the day. With large groups, it got harder and harder to give the kind of attention I felt honor bound to give, especially in these special cases. So I made a conscious decision that I would seek out and help the ones who need it the most to the greatest possible degree, rather than try to help many but to a far less effective degree."

"But then, …" She wanted to ask something else but her voice trailed away. For someone demanding discretion, she certainly wasn't reciprocating.

"… why am I quitting this?" he said, anticipating her yet again. "Well, I'm not, really. I will probably always be trying to help people this way. But I just have this sense that I'm needed elsewhere."

"Where?" she asked.

He smiled.

"That is the question, Miss Meioh," he said looking directly into her eyes. "That is indeed the question. It's just as well, though. I wouldn't want take on something like this if I had too many other students. So Hotaru, do you like the aquarium?"

Hotaru smiled and said, "I especially like …" and then named quite few of the creatures and plants in it.

'_Excellent,' _he thought. _'The teaching part won't be hard at all.'_

"Well, Hotaru," he said kneeling down to talk to her, "it looks like you and I are going to get to spend a lot of time together over the next few months. Are you okay with me as your teacher?"

She smiled and nodded.

"All right then," he said, rising, "Miss Meioh, I'd like to propose the following schedule: Mondays and Tuesdays from 10:30 to 4:30, and then Thursdays from 9:30 to 4:30, with Wednesdays and Fridays for directed self-study and homework. Will that schedule cause any problems for you?"

"No, but will you be able to further her practical knowledge in that amount of time?" Setsuna asked.

"Well, the actual studio lecture time is only about two thirds of what I do. I do expect her to show some self-discipline, and for you to help out, if she struggles in that. As long as she follows my instructions -does her homework, fills out her review sheets, and writes out and reviews her note cards- I think she'll learn just fine. I have my own special variation of the spiral curriculum method, and I will test her accordingly. I'll know exactly what she does and doesn't know, and to what degree, in short order. All things being equal, she should learn as much in that amount of time from me as she would in a full term anywhere else, and perhaps a bit more. Also, I'd like her to eat lunch here. Don't worry, Hotaru," he smiled at her, "I am a great cook, and we'll even do some of it together because cooking is an excellent way to learn about chemistry and physics. You can pick her up anytime between 4:30 and 5:00. Or later, if need be. Now I follow the American academic calendar, so we'll need to start within a week or so.

"Yes, Miyuki mentioned that."

"Did she explain why?"

"Yes, but I doubt Hotaru is even thinking of college, and I doubt she will ever go to college anywhere but in Japan."

"One never knows, Miss Meioh, but that isn't only reason I do that. In her case, should she have any unexpected difficulties, that extra time will be our margin of error. So then, we'll try to follow the standard four month term with tests, midterms, and finals. We have some flexibility in when we schedule those. Oh, we'll also be doing a few field trips. The first one will be to get a new Blue Tang for the fish tank. On those days, …"

"Kuryakin-sensei?" Hotaru interrupted.

"Yes, Hotaru-kun?"

"Please forgive the interruption, but the Blue Tang seems to be okay."

"Oh?"

Kuryakin walked over to the tank where he'd put the dying fish and looked quite surprised. With perfect body position, it was zipping around the small tank like a race car around the track. It was completely normal.

"Huh, that's funny," he said, looking back at Hotaru, "just this morning it was almost belly up."

As he peered closely into the tank for a moment, Setsuna clapped a firm hand on Hotaru's shoulder.

"Hmm, how strange," he said, but then appeared to shrug the oddity off. "To continue, Miss Meioh, when we have field trips, I can pick her up and drop her off, and we can juggle that to fit with times you might have trouble getting her here, if you prefer. Will the Kittens be dropping her off then, or will you?"

"They will. I do not have a car. Do not worry too much about that. They have very flexible schedules."

"Do they? How … interesting. Okay, I'll work on that over the next week and send a tentative schedule home on her first day. Now it's important that she not miss any days -except for illness of course. If she does get sick, Friday can be a make up day. And if getting her here or back home is ever a problem, give me sufficient warning and I will be happy to take care of it."

Hotaru was a shy girl, but she really liked what she was hearing, and her face subtly showed it: her own personal teacher, and lunch, and snacks and field trips? This might not be too bad at all.

"Now then, Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei!"

"Let's go … wait a second. What's with the starry eyed look?" he said, puzzled. Then he got a sly look in his eye. "Ah okay. Listen, don't you think for a minute that you're not going to work hard here. My lectures are very information intense, and you will have a lot of homework. Miss Meioh says you're very advanced in a number of subjects. I'm going to fill in any gaps, and then take you even further. If all goes well, you will soon be Hotaru Tomoe, Renaissance Girl. In-Training, at the very least. It's going to be more like college. Now, the colleges I trained in? They don't let people fail. Neither do I. Once I've made up my mind to take something on, I never lose. Understood?"

Hotaru smiled and said, "Understood."

"So then, let's go pick a room."

"A room?"

"Yes, your personal study and instruction room," he said. "I'm still finishing up with some other students, so a couple of the rooms are taken. But if you like one of those we'll move you into it as soon as the current student is done. I'm thinking the blue room for you. And here it is."

He opened a door, and Hotaru looked in. She saw a room that reminded her a little bit of her old bedroom in her father's house.

"What do you think?" he asked, watching her very carefully.

At first, she felt a bit sad, but it was more nostalgia than genuine sorrow. Then, a feeling of comfort like she hadn't known in sometime spread over her and she smiled a little.

"Will this work for you?"

She looked up at him and nodded.

"Okay, then," he said to Setsuna, handing her a few papers. "If you'll get those supplies for her by next week we'll be all set."

He led them both to the door after stopping to pick up the drinks he'd packaged for Haruka and Michiru. He handed them to Setsuna.

"So then I'll see you at 10:00 a.m. sharp next Monday."

Kuryakin continued to watch as they walked away, waved as they took off, and went back inside only after the car was well out of view. Once back inside, he leaned his back into the door to close it, and stood there, perfectly still and silent, for the next forty minutes, as though in some kind of shock. Finally, he uttered one word:

"… _wow …_"

**

* * *

**

"Hotaru," said Setsuna as they were driving home, "you should not have done that."

"But it looked so pathetic."

"That man is no fool. He was very suspicious. He may be psychic as well."

"What did she do?" asked Michiru.

Setsuna explained about the fish, as Haruka and Michiru sipped on their lemonade and Hotaru sat humming. "Hotaru, I spoke to your new teacher about discretion where our personal matters are concerned. He seems trustworthy, but one never knows. It certainly will not help matters if you display unusual talents in front of him."

"She's right, Hotaru," said Haruka. "You shouldn't have done that."

"What makes you think he's psychic?" asked Michiru.

"He was very … knowledgeable."

"Hmm," said Haruka. "A knowledgeable tutor. This could be a screw up."

"He was knowledgeable about things he should not know. Not from mere glances and a few minutes' conversation."

"I heard you talking," said Hotaru. "He wasn't sure, you know? He's just a really good guesser. I think he does that to impress people."

"Well," said Michiru, "at least Hotaru seems happy with the whole idea."

"I like him," she beamed in affirmation. "He seems really nice. Haruka-poppa, you and Michiru-momma should have come in. There was a lot of neat stuff in there. Besides, I think he really wanted to get to know …," she paused to giggle, "…'you two kittens'."

"Kittens?" asked Haruka. "That guy said that?"

"Yes," Hotaru and Setsuna replied together.

Haruka scowled.

"Well, it's official," said Michiru, her hand to her lips in amusement. "Haruka hates him. Therefore, he must be all right."

Quiet settled over them. Setsuna watched the passing scenery. In spite of Kuryakin-san's generosity about the fee, and her acceptance of the whole idea, Setsuna went back to her doubts about this course of action. The whole point of doing this was to make sure Hotaru was taken care of with a maximum of discretion about those "hidden matters." Hiring a tall Sherlock Holmes didn't seem like the ideal way to assure that. She probably shouldn't have brought it up at all. He was obviously professional, and bringing it up only clued him in. Still, how was such a young man so accomplished in so many fields? Even a genius would need decades to master that many different disciplines. If he was some kind of hyper-prodigy, why wasn't such a person better known? Something wasn't right here. In fact, it now occurred to her there were a lot more questions she should have asked, but for some reason didn't. Perhaps she would call him later and do so. Still, he seemed like a decent person. Very nice, personable, demonstrably brave –should the need ever arise, trustworthy, and firm, with high expectations of his students. And Hotaru clearly liked him. Yes, the matter had been decided, but she resolved to keep a very close eye on things.

As Setsuna continued watching the scenery, Hotaru surreptitiously watched her. Setsuna-momma seemed to be in very deep thought and even a little unsettled about something. A sly, tiny grin slowly appeared on Hotaru's face.

'_Hmmm.'_


	4. Chapter 03 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

A Sailor Moon Fan Story

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 003-First Things**

**(Part 1)**

**

* * *

**

"That's what we all are. Amateurs. We don't live long enough to be anything else."

–**Charlie Chaplin.**

**

* * *

**

You're nobody till somebody loves you

You're nobody till somebody cares

You might be king, you might possess,

the world and its gold

But gold won't bring you happiness,

when you're growing old

The world still is the same

You'll never change it

As sure as the stars shine above

You're nobody till somebody loves you

So find yourself somebody to love

**Various crooners, notably Sinatra**

* * *

Setsuna put Kuryakin's list of references to use over the following week and there was no shortage of people willing to praise the abilities and trustworthiness of Hotaru's tutor. Among them were a few prominent people she knew or knew of, including one of the vice presidents of her own university. At the other end of the class spectrum, Setsuna talked with a widow whose modestly intelligent son joined a gang after his father was killed in a car accident. Kuryakin managed to detach the young man from that situation, and though his mother didn't quite know how, it was for that she was the most grateful. After helping him to finish his education, the young man had opened up a successful small business and was putting his sister through college, things on which this poor family could pin hopes for a little bit better lot in life. It was here she found out that, indeed, Kuryakin had taught at least one person for free. One other person on the list especially caught her interest: someone named Dr. Saeko Mizuno. If that was who she thought it was - Ami Mizuno's workaholic M.D. mother - it might be difficult to get in touch with her, but she would make a point to try. Or she might talk to Ami herself, since her mother's presence on the list must mean Ami Mizuno was once a student of his.

She also used her prodigious investigative skills to do a records and internet search. "Kuryakin, Peter" and any associated parameters yielded nothing she didn't already know. For all she was able to find, she could have concluded that he simply appeared out of thin air in Tokyo seven years ago and would have no way to disprove that. Considering his age, it didn't seem too strange, but that, coupled with the man's prodigious intellect, bothered her for reasons she could not put into words. Later during the week, Setsuna called him and asked a few more of those questions she had not thought to ask. Hotaru took note that she called him twice, with plausible enough reasons, on the Saturday before her lessons were to begin. But, twice nonetheless.

The next Monday, Haruka and Michiru dropped Hotaru off on time and ready to go. Initially, Hotaru was very excited by the prospect of these private lessons, but that Sunday her innate shyness kicked in. She had finally grasped she would be the perpetual center of attention during these lessons and wasn't sure how she felt about that. Her tutor still had a couple of older students who were preparing to enter college. They were finishing up scholarship essays and preparing for entrance exams, so it would be a few weeks before she was his only student. By then, she thought, she should be used to it.

Kuryakin met her at the door, looking happy to see her. Even though it was summer, she carried a light coral-colored sweater with her. Kuryakin asked her why, and she explained that people who had air conditioning usually kept it cooler than she liked. She was dressed in a cream colored blouse with a lavender skirt and leather Mary Janes. After she'd left the house this morning, she wondered if she was properly dressed. Her outfit was one Setsuna had made for her, and Michiru didn't think it would be a problem, but she remembered that girl they saw the day they met Kuryakin had been wearing a school uniform. Hotaru had a couple of those from her old schools in her closet, so she asked him if she should have worn one of those.

"No, Hotaru-kun," he said very pleasantly, "you can wear a school-type uniform if you wish. I encourage you to do so, if you need it to get into the right frame of mind, but as far as I'm concerned, you are dressed just fine. You did bring some exercise clothes?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, patting her back pack.

"Good. We're going to take a little walk in the park, later. Now, how do you feel today, Hotaru-kun?" he asked, as he led her to the blue room.

"Good, Kuryakin-sensei," she said.

"You seem a little … nervous?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei, I am … a little."

"Well, Hotaru-kun, there's nothing to be nervous about," he said smiling. Then he coughed into his hand and said, "_*ahem*_ … having said that, the first thing you're going to do is take some tests."

She smiled shyly and nervously back.

"These are just a guide to find out how much you know. I assure you there are questions on these tests that you will _not_ be able to answer, unless you are just insanely smart, which you might be for everything Miss Meioh said about you. It's not for a grade, so don't stress out about that. We should be able to get through them in these first two days, but I will not put any time limit on you. Do your best, and when you reach a question you can't answer, just move on to the next. Sound simple enough?"

She nodded.

"And here we are."

She entered the blue room, and it had been transformed a bit. He seated her at a nice three side desk with a roll top area on the left and a computer on the right. In fact, it was a bit like a command console in some Jules Verne space ship, both antiquated and futuristic. It was elevated, putting her desktop at a level slightly above the desktop in front of the marker board. As she sat down, she realized the whole room had indeed been set up to make her feel like the center of attention.

"Okay," he said, "this is your room for the next four months. I'm even going to let you decorate it a bit later on if you like. We are going work hard, yes, but we're going to have fun too, and whenever possible, both at the same time. We'll spend an hour and fifteen minutes on this first assessment test, and then we'll have lunch. Later on, I want to show you a few other things in the studio: the music lab, the science lab, the green house, and so forth. Oh, and by the way, and I'm going to put you in charge of feeding the fish on the days you're here. Think you can handle that?"

She nodded enthusiastically.

"Now before you begin, I want to tell you that I'm really happy to be here with you today. I work hard tailoring lessons to my students' needs and abilities when they're not here. In another week or so, you'll be my only student, so I'll be spending a lot of time thinking about you, and I really look forward to these times when we'll be together. You are the reason I am here. Your guardians have gone to a good deal of trouble for you, and the way to honor that is to _always_ do your best."

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Get out a pencil, and, oh, there's one more thing I have to warn you about."

"What's that, Kuryakin-sensei?" she said as she took a pencil from her bag.

"This is the only multiple choice test I will ever give you. Your midterms and finals will have multiple choice sections, and that's okay, but when I test you, there will be essays, short answers, and fill in the blanks only. I think you will respond best to teaching by induction, and across disciplines. We might go from doing science to music to history to philosophy, all within the same lesson."

She nodded, though she wondered if this was a good way to teach.

"Okay," he said sitting down next to her. "Please begin. I'm going to sit here and watch you for a bit."

She found it a little bit nerve racking at first, but after marking several answers she was certain were correct, and seeing him nod approvingly, a feeling of calm came over her. About twenty minutes later, he got up and told her that he needed to check on his other students, and that he'd be back in ten minutes.

"Do you need a drink of water or anything, when I come back?" he asked.

She shook her head.

* * *

Setsuna's Astrophysics class had let out a little early, and so, before reporting to Juuban elementary to put in a few hours at her part time job as a school nurse, there was time to spend in the library. The term had just begun, but she had something besides coursework to do there. She wasn't sure why she couldn't let this rest, but she was sure that sooner or later she would get to the bottom of it. Despite this, none of the library's resources could shed any light on the mysterious –to her mind- Mister Kuryakin. After twenty minutes, she left.

On the way out, she stopped by the campus post office to check her mail box. There were a few items in it, including an invitation of some sort. This did not appear to be from anyone specific. She opened it. It was an invitation to a fancy party to be held at the Edwards mansion on the outskirts of Tokyo. The mansion was famous for its spectacular view of the city, its superb flower gardens, and its owner, Mister Edwards, who gave lavish parties for exchange students. Once, during the Infinity Academy crisis, Haruka and Michiru had been the guests of honor at one of them. They'd had a fine time, playing for the guests, and dancing the evening away. She had just finished a new black party dress and this looked like a good opportunity to wear it. Yes, she thought, it might be nice to go there and have an evening out, especially if anyone she knew was going to be there. She would ask around. She was putting the invitation back in its envelope when she noticed something else in there. She pulled it out, read it and frowned.

* * *

"Hotaru-kun?"

The little student sat perfectly still, her eyes as blank as the sky on a starless night.

"Hotaru-kun?"

Nothing.

It ended up being twenty five minutes before Kuryakin returned to the Blue Room. When he did, he saw something he did and did not want to see. He went over to a cabinet and got out a small bottle. Then he came back to her, knelt down, and took note of where, during the test, she had frozen. She had finished the chemistry section, as best she could, and was now halfway through a section on astronomy. The last question she answered was about solar wind. The preceding question was about the laws of planetary motion. The one before that was a question that asked her to explain the nature of the center of gravity in the Pluto / Charon system. She had gotten all three answers right. At least, he was pretty sure she gotten the last two right, because he could see where she tried to check the correct boxes. But when he looked at the correct answer for the Pluto / Charon question - "F. Two bodies of differing mass, orbiting a (common) barycenter, concentric to the orbits of both" – he could tell that was when Hotaru had cleanly snapped off her pencil lead putting an "_x_" in the box.

'_Hmmm.'_

"Hotaru-kun?" said Kuryakin, as he stared into her eyes. There was fear there, but mostly it was the coldest look he'd ever seen. Liquid methane cold. Neither Miss Meioh nor the Kittens had ever mentioned the look of implacable fury in it, and surely, it would have come up if this had been a component of the previous occurrences. Kuryakin surmised –correctly- that this was a new development. She was clearly not looking at, but past him; were she looking right at him it would have been quite unsettling. He continued to stare into her eyes for a couple of minutes, puzzling this out.

She's brave enough, he concluded. What could frighten her so? No … it's not _what_, but _how_ could anything frighten her so? Yes, that's it.

He put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hotaru-kun, listen to me," he said with a voice that was quiet, measured, soothing, but also authoritative, as though he was speaking qualities _in_ to her. "You are seeing something. I do not want to know what it is. I know it is something terrible. _Remember_ what you are seeing. Do not run from it. Confront it. No situation is completely hopeless. There is _always_ something you can do. Even if it is nothing more than a whispered prayer. Think about it. Do something about it. You are brave. You are strong. You are smart. You _will_ find a way to keep this terrible thing from happening."

He opened the bottle and waved it under her nose a few times. With a sudden gasp, she awoke.

"Did … did I …?"

"Yes," he said quickly. "Do you remember anything?"

"No," she said.

"Well, I don't think you were out for very long. Do you feel anxious or anything?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei, but …"

"Yes?"

"I'm not as afraid as before."

"Okay. That sounds like progress then," he smiled, and then tapped the test in front of her, "Okay, my other students are finished for the day, so it's just you and me, now. I'll stay right here with you. Now do you think you can finish this section?"

She nodded.

"Go sharpen your pencil. No more blacking out, today or ever. We'll have lunch when you're done."

* * *

Haruka and Michiru were meeting for lunch in the cafeteria of their private school. A bit of a come down for them, but they were both in a listless mood.

"I feel strange today, Haruka," Michiru said thoughtfully.

"Oh?" she said, taking a sip of coffee. "Is something up?"

"Well, there is a … stirring in the seas, yes."

"I haven't noticed anything."

"It's not an unhappy stirring. In fact, it's quite happy."

"Happy is good, of course," Haruka said. "Strange you'd find it noticeable, though."

"Perhaps our powers are increasing," she said quietly, in this very public place.

"Maybe," Haruka replied, and then took another sip of coffee. "That'd be nice, but I wonder if it's not something else."

"Really? What?" asked Michiru, after taking a bite of her salad.

Perhaps uncharacteristically, it was Haruka who had given the most thought to what the return of Chaos to everyone's minds might actually mean. She put the question to Michiru, who hadn't given the idea much thought at all. Haruka spent the next ten minutes quietly laying out her thoughts on the subject, and Michiru found her appreciation for her lover being refreshed in a surprising way. Haruka was no dummy, of course, quite the opposite. But 'deep thinker' was on her resume only as a 'hobby.' By temperament, she was action first, play Hamlet later, if at all. However, the seriousness of what Sailor Moon had accomplished in defeating Chaos / Galaxia had finally hit home, and the feigned betrayal of Saturn and Pluto that involved their very real deaths had more than a little to do with it. As she talked, Michiru stared at her with increasing wistfulness. Sometimes- not very often, but sometimes – Haruka could really and pleasantly surprise her.

* * *

"I hope this lunch will be okay," Kuryakin said, as he set a plate in front of her. "We'll have Japanese food next time. I had no time to do it right today, and had to go with something quick. Oh, and today we have ice cream sandwiches for dessert."

On Hotaru's plate were modest portions of baked fish, mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli and cauliflower, and a black bread roll that turned out to be surprisingly sweet, with a pat of real butter sitting next to it. She began eating, but, apparently, lunch and other break times did not mean that the education would stop.

"Now," said The Teacher after downing a bite of fish, "while we're eating, we're going to learn a Latin aphorism. Repeat after me: _tu ne cede malis,_…"

"_Tu … ne …cede malis …" _

"…_sed contra audentior ito."_

"… _sed … contra …"_

"… _au-den-tior it-o," _he prompted, drawing out each syllable.

"…_audentior ito."_

He repeated it with her several times, and then said, "It's my second favorite one. It means 'do not give in to evil (or calamity), rather go more boldly against it.'"

She smiled, approvingly, it seemed.

"Kuryakin-sensei, what is your favorite one?"

"Fiat justitia ruat caelum," he said, as he took a black marker out and wrote it out in Romanji on a napkin. "Sometime I want you to look that one up and tell me what it means," he said, handing the napkin to her. She meticulously folded it up and placed in her pocket.

"When, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Surprise me."

She ate lunch slowly, and he quickly, finishing well ahead of her. Then he got up, went to the corner of the room, got out a cello, and began tuning it up.

"Do you like music, Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei. I play the violin. Michiru-momma teaches me."

"Ah, yes. Miss Kaioh, I have just discovered, is a fine violinist. I should have heard of her before now, as music is the second best thing I do. Do you enjoy playing?"

"Very much, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Okay, I want you to bring your violin from now on. If Miss Kaioh doesn't mind, I'll accompany you while you play."

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"You don't have to say 'Kuryakin-sensei' all the time."

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she said and then smiled.

He chuckled, and she lowered her eyes, coquettishly. _'Little charmer.'_

"I like the sound of it," she said shyly. "Your name, I mean."

"Really? It's a very silly name. Your name, however, is wonderful and fitting. Oh, before I play a little song for you, let me get you some dessert."

"This is a wonderful lunch, Kuryakin-sensei, only I don't like ice cream."

"How can anyone not like ice cream?" he said, with affected shock.

"I don't like milk products much."

"Ah, I wondered why you didn't use your butter for the roll."

'_Wow, he really doesn't miss a thing, does he?'_ she thought. "Bean curd ice cream is okay."

"I don't have any of that. This country has great foods, but I'm sorry, bean curd ice cream is _not_ one of them," he said, as he opened the refrigerator. "I have some chocolate cake here. How about that?"

She nodded enthusiastically.

"Y'know, Hotaru-kun, Miss Meioh mentioned that you're a bit fragile, physically."

Hotaru looked down, a bit embarrassed.

"Nothing to be ashamed of, Hotaru, but I'm thinking it might have a little to do with some mild nutritional deficiencies, maybe even food allergies. Are you allergic to milk, or do you just not like it?"

"I'm not sure if I was allergic. Michiru-momma was in charge of my diet."

"Okay, I'll talk to Miss Kaioh about that. Milk products are still a pretty good thing for someone your age. There are things we can do to supply the nutrition you might miss because of your dislike of them. Would you mind if we had a little nutritional assessment done on you?"

Hotaru said nothing, but looked ambivalent.

"We could just assume you're in need of certain things, and see what happens if we supply them?"

'_That would be better,'_ she nodded.

"Okay, then. A little chat with Miss Kaioh, and I'll work on that tonight. Now then …"

He set the cake in front of her and then sat down with his cello. After tuning it up, and playing a few arpeggio patterns on it, he cleared his throat and began.

"Oh, I like this one," she said, as he began playing "The Swan" from "Carnival of the Animals."

"Why?"

"It reminds me of someone," she said.

"Really?" he asked as the cello resonated throughout the room. "Who?"

"Setsuna-momma."

"Does it?"

* * *

After another hour of assessment testing, Kuryakin showed her the rest of the building. Hotaru didn't seem to care much for the greenhouse, and he made a mental note to ask her why at some point. She perked up considerably when they got to the science lab and his music studio where he amazed her by demonstrating at least passable skill on every one of the many instruments there.

"Well," he explained, "Music is very important to me. In fact, if it hadn't been for music, I wouldn't have been able to learn how to teach others so well."

"Why not?"

"Because the first thing a teacher has to do is learn, and then learn how he learned."

She followed him in to the room where the fish tank was. He showed her how to feed the fish, what foods to use and how much, by having her dust the surface of the water with some flake food. She smiled when she saw the Blue Tang she'd surreptitiously healed darting around nabbing a piece whenever it began sinking to the bottom.

"Every day you're here, right after lunch you come in and feed them, understood?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she said smartly.

He seemed especially proud of his combination art studio and machine shop which he had been able to build after getting permission from his landlady to knock out a couple of walls between rooms.

"That was easy enough," he said. "My landlady would give me permission to burn the place to ground if I liked. She could not believe her good fortune that anyone wanted to rent this old place. She's gotten seven years of rent out of a building that was unsalable, and that was fine by her. I've kept the outside merely passable, but I think the inside is downright nice. The reason I am showing you this room is because I'd like you to consider an art project for the term. Take a week to think about it, and come up with something special to you."

Hotaru needed only the remainder of the day to come up with something. Halfway through the assessment test in social sciences, she stopped and raised her hand.

"Yes, Hotaru-kun?" said Kuryakin as he sat behind his desk in the Blue Room marking up the rough draft of a scholarship essay one of his other students had written. Curiously, he was not looking at her, but knew she wanted his attention anyway.

'_How does he do that?'_

"That art project, Kuryakin-sensei? I just remembered Setsuna-momma's birthday is at the end of October. Can I make her something?"

"That is a wonderful idea," Kuryakin said, whirling around in his chair. His eyes were alight with this suggestion and a thought Hotaru had in the back of her mind on the day they'd first met inched a tiny bit forward. "End of October, hmmm? Not much time. Do you have something specific in mind?"

"No, Kuryakin-sensei, but I'll think about it."

* * *

In the latter part of this first lesson day, Hotaru felt a lot more comfortable and was able to hunker down enough to complete two more assessment tests, leaving just one for tomorrow. Kuryakin had already checked her previous two and was working away at the third. The curriculum for Hotaru Tomoe had already taken pretty firm shape in his mind. He said goodbye to Hotaru when Haruka and Michiru came to get her at about 4:40 that afternoon. Though it was only the first day, a puzzling sadness crept in to the parting. He spent a few minutes talking with Michiru about Hotaru's dietary likes and dislikes. Then he gave her some hand-written notes about what he thought he ought to teach Hotaru, and asked if she, Haruka and Setsuna could take a look at them that evening. There were a few questions he wanted them to answer and asked what would be a good time to call. Michiru told him to call about 8:00 p.m.

Hotaru talked animatedly about her first day, and Michiru turned around to listen to her as Haruka drove them through rush hour traffic. She mentioned how good he was in music and that he wanted her to bring her violin from now on. Michiru mentioned that was in the notes he had given her, along with a request that Hotaru bring a few recital pieces and the piano accompaniments with her. They arrived home. Setsuna was already there, fixing dinner. They discussed her teacher's questions and suggestions over grilled tuna and miso.

At the appointed time, the phone rang and Setsuna, who had made a point to tell Haruka and Michiru that she would take the call when it came, answered. She and Kuryakin exchanged pleasantries, and then began talking about Hotaru. The subject of their conversation surreptitiously listened in while she surfed the internet to get ideas for her art project. Everything she saw looked too hard or was unsuitable. She set that aside for the moment and went upstairs to get ready for bed. After she brushed her teeth, she took a quick peek downstairs. The phone conversation continued, even though all of Kuryakin's questions and concerns had been addressed. She went to say good night to Michiru, and took several minutes to explain about her tutor's art studio and ask for suggestions for Setsuna's birthday present. By the time she went to her room, the phone conversation was … still not over. Hotaru got into bed, and waited for Setsuna to come tuck her in. Twenty five minutes later, she did.

"Setsuna-momma?" she asked, as Setsuna fluffed her pillow, "what was so interesting about my first day?"

"What do you mean, Hotaru?"

"You were on the phone for a long time."

"Oh? I was … curious about a few things. Your tutor's methodology seems interesting. I also wished to make certain …"

"He didn't break me on the rack or anything trying to pry into our personal affairs," she joked.

Setsuna smiled and said, slyly, "Not as of yet."

Hotaru giggled.

"Somebody in here make a joke?" a passing Haruka asked, poking her head into the room.

"No," said Setsuna and Hotaru together.

"Uh huh," she said. "Well, good night, My Princess."

"Oh, thank you," said Setsuna, flatly, "and good night to you, my _dear_ Haruka."

Hotaru laughed again. Haruka looked momentarily surprised, then smirked, archly blew Setsuna a kiss, winked at them both and left. It was, of course, all in good fun. Haruka Tenoh never flirted with anyone older than herself, but this somewhat uncharacteristic levity on Setsuna's part reminded Hotaru of something she'd been curious about in the past, but never felt any burning desire to bring up, until tonight.

"Setsuna-momma?"

"Yes, Hotaru?" said Setsuna, as Hotaru appeared to be at once dying to ask something yet very reticent.

"You …," Hotaru's forehead furrowed deeply. This was something personal, possibly too personal.

"Proceed," said Setsuna.

"You … like men, don't you?"

Setsuna's eyes widened.

"I mean … you're not like … Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma, are you?"

Setsuna closed her eyes deliberately, coughed into her hand, then opened them and said, "No, I am not. However, that does not mean I much concern myself with men either."

"How come? Don't you feel … alone, from time to time?"

Setsuna sighed indulgently. "Do not worry yourself about whether I feel lonely that way. I am the one who ought to guard the gate of time," she said as though reciting some personal catechism. "You should sleep now, beautiful Hotaru."

In the bathroom down the hall, Haruka had finished brushing her teeth. On the way back to her room, she and Setsuna passed each other in the hallway.

"Night again."

"Good night, Haruka."

Haruka looked back over her shoulder, watching Setsuna thoughtfully until she went into her room. When Haruka got to her bedroom, she said to Michiru, "Hour and ten minutes. And she was joking afterward. Funny that."

"Hmm," said Michiru. Neither of them could recall Setsuna ever spending more than ten minutes on the phone with anyone, under any circumstances.


	5. Chapter 03 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

A Sailor Moon Fan Story

**

* * *

Chapter 003-First Things**

**(Part 2)**

**

* * *

**

The lone occupant of _Juku-PK_ looked through the skylight in his upper floor bedroom. It was the only room on the second floor, just an attic really, and though wide, it barely accommodated someone of his height. Once he realized he would be staying here for a while, he cut a vaulted ceiling into the roof, and installed the skylight so he would have a little space to stretch out in the mornings. He could switch out the window depending on the seasons. For the current summer heat, the mirrored window was in place. It allowed him to see out, but did not let much sunlight in.

First light was about an hour away, and he was gazing at the stars that happened to be directly overhead. Despite the city lights, his keen eyes could just make out the two 'lines' of stars that formed the constellation Andromeda. They attached to The Great Square, four stars that defined the corners of a roughly equilateral quadrangle, and formed the wing of the constellation Pegasus. He sighed. He had not had a very restful night. Three things were bothering him. The first was news from home he had received the previous evening concerning matters of considerable import to him. Those who had sent the news knew what to do about it all and they were mainly just keeping him informed. Still, some of the news was troubling. For one thing, it could mean he'd have to go home for a while.

The other two things might be related. He had just awakened from a dream he had not had in quite some time.

_He saw himself from above, and at a time that seemed an eternity ago. He was in a field resting from some work he'd just finished. It was a beautiful, cool day. He turned around and looked up. He thought he heard his name being called. He had. In the distance, he saw two of his brothers coming toward him. He waved and greeted them. They waved back, but as they got closer, he saw their faces were grave. He saw them walk up to his dream self, and speak a few words. He looked confused for a moment. They said something else. Disbelief. His brothers spoke one last time. His face fell into shock, and then he ran toward the house. _

The dream was old news, and always the same. It did mark the beginning of the long climb out of the deep hole that had opened up beneath him that day.

The final thing disturbing his sleep was his conversation the previous evening with Hotaru-kun's 'Setsuna-momma.' Miss Meioh had agreed with him on every point of how he wished to proceed with Hotaru, and then asked for further explanations of his methodologies. He explained it all in great detail, yet she kept on asking for explanations almost as though she just wanted to talk to him. He was all but certain he was imagining that, yet there was some quality in that proper, measured alto voice of hers that wouldn't allow him to shake off the feeling entirely. Normally he had an excellent sense of time, but he was surprised to see just how long he'd been talking once the conversation was over. Now that he thought about it, where the last two troubling items were concerned, he wondered if the latter had triggered the former.

'_Ah well,'_ he thought, as he sighed and climbed out of bed. _'At least one out of three things was pleasant to think on. Par for the course.'_

* * *

"Miyuki-san?" Setsuna called to her friend from the door of a classroom at K.O. University.

"Setsuna-chan! Good to see you," said Miyuki who had just finished teaching some undergrads. "I'll be done here in just a moment."

After the rest of the students filed out, she put away her lecture notes, and then she and Setsuna walked together toward the entrance.

"We took your advice concerning Hotaru."

"Really? I was going to call you about that. Good to hear. I think you'll be very glad you did."

"I did wish to ask you something though."

"Yes?"

"What first prompted your family to trust Mister Kuryakin with teaching your brother?"

"Ah, being thorough as usual? As I said, desperation to begin with. We really were at wit's end. We would have tried anything. We didn't learn a whole lot about Mister Kuryakin. He was licensed, and had superb references."

"And neither you nor your parents were all that concerned to look into his past any further?" asked Setsuna, who was looking down the hallway more than at Miyuki.

"Not especially, no. It would have been rude for one thing, don't you think? We met him on the recommendation of the principle at my brother's junior high school. Not to make things sound too melodramatic, but saving my brother's life, or -in the beginning- the prospect thereof, counted for astonishing coin in the trustworthiness department. Have you found out anything?"

"For all I was able to discover, he might have simply dropped from the sky seven years ago, and … ah," she said with a look of some one having a minor '_Eureka!_' moment.

"You are so odd," Miyuki chuckled. "Sometimes I think having someone to actually talk to is just an added frill to the perpetual conversation with yourself."

"No, no," she said apologetically, "I just realized what I need to do."

"Yes?"

"I need to talk to those who first put their trust in him, and find out why. Surely it took more than a nice smile and a gentle voice to …"

"Hmmm, Setsuna-san?" _'Nice smile? Soothing voice? What's all this now?'_

"Yes?"

"If I didn't know you, I'd wonder if you weren't straying toward the rarefied climes of obsession, and possibly clinical paranoia. Are you _sure_ you don't have time, some day, for me to psychoanalyze you?"

Miyuki Mayamura's friendship was of the kind where a joke was mostly a joke, and yet _might_, though not always, contain a serious speculation behind it. One never knew quite when, and the ambiguity was part of the fun of it, for both women.

"Perhaps this New Year's?" Setsuna suggested lightheartedly.

"It's a _date_," Miyuki said with emphasis on the word 'date'. "It'll cost you one bottle of champagne. Dom Pérignon, of course."

"You have a bargain," Setsuna smiled.

"I'll see you later, Setsuna-_chan_," said Miyuki, in that way that meant 'My _dear_ Setsuna.'

Setsuna walked down the corridor toward the exit. The bus stop was just off the commons and as long as the bus was on time –which it never quite was to her satisfaction- she would be at Juuban Elementary in time. There were occasions where she amused herself with the idea of spending a few hours on Miyuki's couch and telling her everything there was to know about the Sailor Senshi. The scene usually ended with Miyuki on the couch, after first trying to have Setsuna committed to a sanitarium, and then seeing her transform and fire off a magical attack, preferably on a recently received love letter.

She got to the bus stop, and there was no sign of the bus. It had no chance of being on time now. Then, she saw it just beginning to come around a corner.

'_Twenty two seconds late. Unacceptable,'_ she smiled to herself.

She arrived at Juuban Elementary, and walked down to the teacher's rooms to put on her nurse's uniform. She enjoyed the days she worked here. She liked children more than her demeanor let on, and it was also amusing how, when she first started working here, otherwise healthy children –that is to say, boys - who had been knocking each other around at recess twenty minutes ago, suddenly came down with chills, fevers, upset stomachs, and in the case of one little budding genius, 'an acute case of Schisto-so-mia-sis, Meioh-sama.' Setsuna learned early on how to separate the fakers from the real cases. It wasn't all that hard really, and if someone chose to brazen it out, the large syringe with the very long needle in the cupboard, in combination with the words 'you shall require an injection,' was an excellent lie detector, diagnostic tool and all-around miracle insta-cure. A couple of the boys had even been brave enough to try her, until she actually began drawing fluid from a brown bottle, with an eager and slightly sadistic smile on her face. No one had tested her past that point. By this time, only new students would ever try to fool her. She had been thinking about giving the needle a name. _'Sir Inge'_ seemed too clever by half. The "Sir" part definitely worked, however.

She walked through the hallways to her office and saw several faces through classroom door windows take note of her passing, and then turn to whisper to fellow classmates. Even through closed doors, the message was clear: s_he's here today!_ Those who cared the most had her schedule memorized anyway, but occasionally she had to beg off, so the Pretty Nurse Internal Alert System was an essential feature of the student body.

She sat down at her desk. If she hurried, there might be just enough time to answer a request for a date cleverly disguised as that invitation to a party at the Edwards Mansion. The invitation was real enough, and had that been all there was to it, she might have gone, had fun and even danced with a few people. However, enclosed with it was a request to go as someone's guest. Since she did respect those who 'risked themselves' to express their feelings, she felt they deserved a response in kind. If someone asked her to her face, she would respond with a decorous "I am very flattered. You are very kind," followed by a firm, "but I am otherwise engaged." In this case, she would write it out and send it by campus mail as the would-be suitor had done.

'_How come?' _ Hotaru had asked.

Miyuki Miyamura could have written a dissertation on the complexities involved there, but it all came down to one thing: an ancient vow –or really two vows, one official, one private- that effectively rendered Setsuna a social outsider. She certainly saw nothing wrong with socializing and going to a party now and then. Networking was a concept she understood well for a number of reasons. As for attention from starry-eyed little school boys, it was cute, uncomplicated and even charming at times. It became less so when the boys weren't so little.

* * *

Any doubts Hotaru had about the way she was being taught disappeared within two weeks. Essentially, each lesson was a daylong lecture, punctuated by little reviews of material learned previously- anything was fair game there. One might have thought this boring, and even painful, but somehow it was more like a symphony concert, weaving disparate disciplines together like different melodies in a tone poem. This kept the subjects fresh, and at times, fun, but more than that, it created a comprehensive picture of the ebbs and flows of history, potential insights into the causes of the cataclysmic events within, and it had the effect of turning history into a story rather than some meandering, aimless and endless becoming. Whether this was deliberate or something Kuryakin lucked into, the effect on his young pupil was quite profound. At some point, Hotaru would have to ask him question about the implications of this way of thinking. Stories usually have a beginnings and ending, after all – not to mention an author. It hadn't take long for Mister Kuryakin to figure out World History was her favorite subject. From then on, he framed her coursework in that context. In each subject, he proved uncannily good at judging when he had pushed her far enough, and moved fluidly to another. He had a way of mixing the stuff she was not so interested in with the stuff she was, keeping the education comprehensive and relevant. He mixed in breaks, lunches and snacks, as well as short walks in a nearby park to help her get stronger physically.

She was a little nervous the first time she took real tests under this new teacher. He taught her 'across disciplines,' yet he gave tests that were discipline specific. Of course, this was how she would be tested for real, so she realized she'd better start learning how to adjust between the two. It turned out she was worried about nothing. Within a few minutes of beginning, she was amazed at how easily she could pull the relevant bits and pieces out of any lesson, and complete tests quickly and with confidence that she'd done well.

And so she had. Kuryakin attributed this to her own intelligence, and her upbringing. He had always toyed with the idea of teaching a lone genius student like this, just to see how far he could take someone like her. Till now, he felt his 'mission' required him to help the less gifted, and he'd done that well. If nothing else, the education of Hotaru Tomoe was going to be something of a reward for that. Or so he hoped.

"I really can't compliment your guardians enough on the job they've done raising you. These scores are very good. In time, I will see you perfect," he winked at her. "Now take note of the stuff in red I've written on them. I'm going to have you spend a bit of time learning how to write a good essay answer. At your level, there'll be some of those on the official tests you'll be taking, and when you do them right, you get a lot of points for it. And of course, just before the midterms and finals, we'll take practice tests modeled on the real ones."

Once she thought about it, she realized it was no different than the way her guardians had educated her. It was, however, more thorough, systematized and it broached subjects she had never been taught. Best of all in this first testing, there were no blackouts. She didn't know whether it was because someone was with her, or something else, but not once did she come even close to freezing.

There was one other thing, a very strange thing: so strange, she was almost certain it was just her imagination. But every now and then, just barely, she got a sense that something else was in the room with them. When she felt it at all, she noticed it came in with him, and left with him. It also disappeared, that is, when she could sense it at all, when he was directly engaged with her, and then returned when he focused on something else. Still, it was so tenuous a perception that she had to chalk it up to imagination.

* * *

Her early successes merited the first 'fun' field trip. He mentioned some swimming would be involved, but otherwise, he did not tell her anything about where they would be going or what she would be doing. She dutifully packed a swimsuit and beach towel into her book bag, and expected to be reviewed as they drove to where ever they were going. It had also required that a waiver be signed, and he had even called Setsuna to talk to her about the trip. She had thought it a very nice idea. Almost too nice, really.

'The Kittens' dropped Hotaru off on that Monday morning, and then Kuryakin loaded her up in the van along with a picnic lunch and a laptop that she would use for review on the way. They drove south out of Tokyo, through Yokohama City, and down to the town of Atami on the Izu peninsula. Atami was famous for its hot springs and for the Izu Ocean Park. They headed toward the ocean park, and Hotaru thought that might be where he was taking her, until they drove past it. Then he turned in at the next parking lot, where a new facility had just opened up: the Izu Ocean Park Dolphinarium, which was connected with the ocean park but with its own distinct facility.

Kuryakin got out and went to the door, where he was greeted by the curator, a short, middle aged man named Dr. Daisuke Sato. They chatted for a moment and then Kuryakin lead him down to the van where he introduced his pupil.

"Dr. Sato, this is Hotaru Tomoe. Hotaru-kun, Dr. Sato."

"A pleasure to meet you, sir," she said very formally. "Thank you for having me here today."

"Our pleasure, Tomoe-san. Now we just opened up, but we've already got four very well behaved bottlenose dolphins for you to meet today. Did you bring a swimsuit?"

"You mean I am going to get in the pool with them?" she asked, looking quite surprised.

"And interact with them, if they initiate contact. We're very strict on that, here. But it they accept you, they might even pull you around the pool a few times."

"Wow! Is it safe?" she asked, anxiously.

"Oh yes. We've got very friendly ones here. Two of them were injured by fishing nets. We'll be releasing them, eventually. The other two we bought after evaluating their temperaments."

"Now first, we have to go hear a little lecture about all this, Hotaru-kun," said Kuryakin, "and you'd better take notes."

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Another group will be here later on," Dr. Sato said, as he led them into the facility. "However, you are here under special circumstances, and so you will have the pool and the kiddies all to yourself for an hour or so."

The lecture lasted about thirty minutes, and then Hotaru went to change, along with the assistant who would be helping her in the pool. She was an undergrad getting a degree in Marine Biology, and her name was Yoshi Mifune. She was very nice, extremely pretty, and looked a bit too young to be a college student. Hotaru came out with her towel over her shoulders, looking a bit nervous about it all. Mifune-san led Hotaru into the water, which was quite warm, and began attracting the dolphins to her. Or trying to. The dolphins didn't seem interested.

'_Odd that,'_ thought Kuryakin. _'They must be mimicking her shyness.'_

Or was it something else? After a few minutes, all four of them had congregated on the far side, as far away Hotaru as they could manage.

"Huh," said Dr. Sato, from pool side. "I've never seen dolphins act this way before. It's almost as if they're afraid of her."

"Really?" said Kuryakin.

"They've never acted this shy before."

'_All right,'_ Kuryakin thought, after another minute of this odd stand-off had passed. _'Let-the-Dolphins-initiate-contact or not, I didn't come all this way and shell out 25,000 yen for my prize, if only, pupil to get stood up by a bunch of stuck up dolphins.'_

"Hey, cowards!" he yelled, as he walked over to the other side of the pool. By pure coincidence, a couple of them actually broke the surface at that moment. "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you. This sweet young lady has come all this way to visit you. You should be honored: you shall not meet her like again. Hurt her feelings, and even if Flipper forgives you, I won't. Now get over there, sissies."

He slapped the top of the water with his hand a few times. Nothing. Hotaru had felt a bit dizzy when she got in to the pool, even dazed, but now she had snapped out of it, and was starting to feel embarrassed about her tutor's loud and clownish behavior. But then, she chuckled inwardly.

"Don't make me come in there," Kuryakin threatened.

Stirring among the dolphins.

"Okay then …" he said, as sport coat, slacks and all, he came over the railing. He had one foot halfway into the water, when one of them streaked toward Hotaru, dove deep upon approach, rocketed out of the water, and leapt over her, somersaulting in the air as he did and splashing her with water. Hotaru applauded, and the rest of the dolphins seemed to loosen up and went to her.

"That's better," Kuryakin smiled as he got out a camera.

The assistant was still having a bit of trouble getting one of them to pull Hotaru across the pool, but eventually, the same one that first approached her got very close and nuzzled her. The assistant said Hotaru could go ahead and try taking a hold of his dorsal fin. She did, but was caught off-guard by the acceleration, and her hand slipped. The dolphin came back for her. She took his fin again and held on tighter as he rapidly pulled her along. From that point on, Hotaru could not remember having more fun. After a couple of laps around the pool at a moderate speed, the assistant brought out a bucket of fish. She gave it to Hotaru who was immediately swarmed by all four as they vied for her attention and a just reward by doing various acrobatics, and chirruping loudly. Once the feeding frenzy was over, the dolphin that first approached her began monopolizing her time, and would drive away the other competitors. "That's remarkable," said the assistant. "It means he's accepted you, and thinks of you as his own now." He began to pull Hotaru around the pool at much greater speed. Once he pulled her close to where Kuryakin was watching with intense interest.

"So alive … so powerful they are," she said panting as she passed by him.

"Indeed," he said, as held up a fish. The hard-working male caught this and, Hotaru in tow, rushed over to him. Kuryakin chucked him a few fish, which he swallowed and then rolled over on his side acting rather coy. A surprise awaited them both today. That group of students had arrived. Suddenly one of them called to Kuryakin from quite far away.

"Kuryakin-san?! Oh my, is that you?"

He looked toward the sound of his name, and saw a girl with blue tinted hair in a bathing suit running toward him.

"Ami Mizuno?"

"Kuryakin-san," she said enthusiastically. "I knew it was you. As tall as you are, it had to be you."

"Oh, my! I haven't seen you in five years, Mizuno-kun, and we were in the same city. Now we meet down here. How lucky can we get? They say no good deed goes unpunished, but it's always been the opposite with me. I bring someone down here for some fun, and look what happens. My, you've grown. I can't believe this is the same shy, little girl I could barely get two words out of."

"What have you been doing, lately, Kuryakin-san? Still teaching?"'

"Yes, I'm here with a student right now," he smiled pointing down to Hotaru.

Ami looked at the tank and said, "Hotaru-chan?"

"You two know each other?" he said, suddenly even more interested than usual.

"Yes," Ami said. Upon hearing that, Kuryakin blinked a few times, and then stared at Ami's face very intently as she spoke to Hotaru. Then he quickly shifted his glance back to the pool. The dolphin began swimming around Hotaru again.

"Boy, he really likes you now," Kuryakin said. "Mizuno-kun, that one has been taking all of her time for the last half hour."

"I always knew you'd get a cute boyfriend, Hotaru-chan," Ami smiled.

Hotaru blushed, and grabbed her beau's dorsal fin for another quick trip around the pool.

"Are you going to join in, then?"

"Right after lunch," Ami replied.

"Speaking of which, a few more times and then we'll need to have lunch, Hotaru-kun," he called to her.

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Please come sit with me," Ami said as she headed off. "I'll save a space for you,"

"Excellent," he said. "I'd love to hear all about what you've been doing lately."

* * *

Kuryakin joined Ami, and began unpacking lunch. Hotaru was yawning, tired out by the morning's exertions.

"So how do you two know each other?" Hotaru asked as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"She was my very first official student in my very first cram school," Kuryakin said. "I had occasion to meet her mother, Dr. Mizuno, and in the conversation, she asked what I did. I mentioned I was thinking of staying here in Japan for a while, and was going to start a cram school. She mentioned that she had a brilliant daughter, and then began drilling me on what I knew about teaching, and what I knew about various subjects. When it was over she seemed impressed enough to give me a try."

"That may not have been the only reason," Ami said a bit cryptically. "Remember that day at the zoo?"

"Oh, that was no big deal, Miss Mizuno."

"You're being modest, I think. Keeping that tiger from hurting anyone …"

"Tiger?!" said Hotaru, with wide eyes.

"Some kids were messing around with a gate and one of the tigers charged," he said to Hotaru. "Well, half-charged anyway. His heart wasn't really in it. They ran away, and then it ambled out the open gate. It was old, declawed, and it had just eaten. It wasn't that big a deal."

"Well, if mother wasn't a 'fan' before that," said Ami, "she's been one ever since. She was very sad when you quit doing the cram school. So was I. I still don't understand why you were unwilling to tutor me privately."

"Well, you seem to have gotten on just fine without me. I figured you would, too. That's why I stopped doing the cram school. I wanted to spend more time giving individual help to the people who really needed it. You didn't really need my help. So, Mizuno-kun, what's been happening with you since I had you for a student? Anything _interesting_?"

"Oh, … nothing much," she said, evasively. "Just studying as usual."

"Nothing else?"

"I've made some wonderful friends since then."

"Ah, good," he smiled, "You look so different, I thought it might be something like that. I always hoped some people would come along to draw you out a bit. You were painfully shy as a student."

"I was so little then. I had to look almost straight up to see your face during the cram session."

"You always sat in the front row, so of course you did. You almost never smiled. Now you're so much more outgoing, and you look much happier. I'm very happy to see that."

"So how did you meet Hotaru?" Ami asked with great interest.

"Well, her guardians – I take it you know them?" he asked with more interest in her answer than he let on.

"Oh, yes," said Ami.

"Well, they home schooled her and did such a great job that all she needs now is someone to round out her education."

Ami sensed there was more –much more -to it than that. Last she'd heard, Hotaru was in a public school. But of course, Kuryakin would be professionally obligated to keep anything really interesting in confidence at all times.

"Well, Hotaru-chan, how do you like having a private teacher, so far?" asked Ami.

"I like it very much," she said, yawning. The combination of exertion and lunch had her ready for a nice nap on the trip back.

"What are you enjoying the most?" she asked.

"This field trip is incredible, and I get to do an art project. I'm really excited about that."

"Really? Any idea what you're going to do?"

"I'm going to make a birthday present for Setsuna-momma."

"That's wonderful," said Ami, "I'm sure you'll do a great job. Well, it looks like were ready to go play with the dolphins. Will you be joining us for a bit, Hotaru-chan?"

"I'm pretty tired now, but I promised that one dolphin I'd be back after lunch so I'd better spend a little more time in there. It's all right, isn't it, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"We're paying customers like everyone else, and you can stay in as long as you are able."

This turned out to be a very short time, as Hotaru quickly tired after the lunch- in part because of it. Her favorite dolphin chirruped loudly when she came back. Ami joined her and when she was too tired to continue, she said good bye to him, and Ami promised to take good care of him for the rest of the day.

"It was great seeing you, Mizuno-kun," said Kuryakin, as a tired Hotaru began toweling off.

"Great to see you, too."

"Let's get together for coffee sometime later on this fall. I want hear about your future plans."

"That would be wonderful. Just call my mother's and leave me your number. I'll get back to you, and mother would like to hear from you, too, I'm sure."

"Very good," Kuryakin smiled as he waved good bye.

"Good bye, Hotaru–chan."

"Good bye," she said, tiredly. They reached the van, and Kuryakin buckled her into the passenger seat. There would be no reviewing on the trip home today. He was always ready of course, but he knew she'd be exhausted and would probably sleep all the way home. He had already made up his mind to bring here again in a few weeks, if the schedule permitted it. He wanted to see whether she might get stronger in the interim.

* * *

Setsuna walked along the street toward the Crown Fruit Parlor. She had an informal appointment with someone and had just left Juuban Elementary school. It had been a busy morning. She'd have a live one: a sixth grade transfer student who was just sure his upset tummy would go away if she would rub it for him.

"Oh no, no, this is far too serious for half measures," she had responded.

In a light moment that previous evening, she had decided upon a name for the truth detecting syringe. She had been reading Malory's _Le Morte D'Arthur_, and the perfect name was right there before her eyes. She was thinking about getting it out, when the little, starry-eyed opportunist had demonstrated he was genuinely ill by relieving his stomach in her waste basket. She gave him something to calm his stomach, found he had a slight fever and called his mother to come and pick him up. Later, there was a minor playground accident. A little, second grade girl had collided with another girl, taken a tumble, and scrapped a knee and an elbow. After that, a couple of other kids also showed up with fevers. _'Might be the beginning of an outbreak,'_ she sighed. She would have to call their parents, and then she would have to send out a flyer for every student to take home concerning absentee policy and 'what to do if …' pointers for parents tending sick kids. She had also met a younger girl, fresh out of nursing school, who was going to be covering the hours she couldn't be there due to classes. She was brown haired and very fetching, Setsuna noted with satisfaction. Maybe this newbie could share the workload in more ways than one. "First, introductions," Setsuna said decorously by way of beginning a brief orientation. "This is Sir Lance-A-Lot, your new best friend," she said as she held up the needle. The girl had laughed, and nodded. She already knew about this sort of thing.

Now, as she walked to Crown, Setsuna had time to think. One of the things bothering Setsuna about Hotaru's tutor had something to do with the way she saw people as a result of her abilities as Time Guardian. When she saw someone, she did not just see them at that moment, but in fact, she could see certain things about that person throughout their lifespan, _if_ she chose. She rarely did so, for several reasons. Contrary to speculation among those who knew of her Senshi life, hers was a very, very qualified omniscience. The most important reason was the need to keep her mind uncluttered from the mundane in order to retain, or be prepared to retain things her duty would deem significant; the stress of knowing too much about too many could make one crazy. Any attempt to know everything about everyone was a statistical impossibility. Simple courtesy was part of it, too. Usagi Tsukino may have misused her transformation pen from time to time. Setsuna Meioh was neither temperamentally disposed to such things, nor was she in any way immature.

However, anything and anyone to do with the Senshi was fair game, indeed, imperative. Problem number one: when she first met Peter Kuryakin, she had thought to 'check him out' discreetly. But something about him disrupted her 'focus.' Problem number two: the few moments where she did remember to do so, Kuryakin-san had proven opaque to put it mildly. This was … unusual. He was foreign, and that might have been part of it. She was more in tune to the antecedent peoples and cultures located nearest to the place from whence the kingdom she was looking for was supposed to come. He was also a dynamic individual, but really, that should have made him easier to 'see'. His 'life cycle' should have been more, not less, obvious to her. Still, it was problem number one was the most bedeviling. Why did he fluster her so?

She entered the parlor and a beautiful, classy-looking, sable-haired girl waved to her, and invited her to sit.

"Thank you, Hino-san," she smiled as she sat and ordered some limeade from the waitress taking Rei Hino's order.

"So how are you all doing?" asked Rei, with interest.

"Very well, thank you," Setsuna replied curtly. Even with her fellow Senshi, Setsuna did not volunteer information unless specifically asked, and only if it was something she thought she could share.

"I am here to ask you for a personal favor," she said, getting right to the point.

"Really?" said Rei. This was flattering, so much so, she almost blushed. "How can I help?"

The waitress was quick with their drinks, and Setsuna took a moment to sip some of it, in order to hide how reticent she suddenly felt about asking such a favor. She began explaining just a bit of the situation with Hotaru and then produced a picture of her tutor which was part of the information packet he'd set home with her the first day, and told of how she had vague but persistent suspicions about him.

"I am trying to be discreet about this, so I am wondering of you could perhaps use your psychic abilities on this picture just to verify that there is no threat here."

This seemed a bit strange to Rei. If Setsuna had any problems with someone who might be spending a lot of time with Hotaru, why did she allow it in the first place? Still, that an Outer Planet Senshi had come to her for help flattered her pride in herself and her abilities, and often times, she recalled, Setsuna had reasons for doing things that she simply couldn't reveal. This was something all the Senshi accepted, even if they didn't like it.

"Well," said Rei studying the picture, "I can tell you one thing right away."

"Yes?" she said, leaning forward and looking expectant.

"He's kind of cute."

Setsuna momentarily looked heavenward. Rei Hino was taking a good, hard look at the photograph as some surely impossible thoughts about the woman across from her began stirring in her head.

"Setsuna-san, if I may ask, there is something that has always puzzled me about you."

"Please."

"We all have foretelling and seeing abilities of various kinds. But you're the only one who … well, why do you always seem so sad?"

She sighed inwardly and looked thoughtful for a moment. She was asking for a favor and a little openness didn't seem to violate her standing rule about playing close to the vest.

"Just between you and I, Hino-san, I am not all that sad. I am serious, however. I look the part for the sake of others. Consider this, Hino-san. You know who I am, as do the others. If I looked happy all the time, you might get the idea that the future I see is something that will come inevitably. It most certainly will not, especially if start taking our choices a bit too lightly. From this vantage point, there is nothing certain about the future. From this vantage point, the outcome is in doubt. Everything is in flux. It is not a light matter. There are things … hard things … that have to be done, things that yet have to be dealt with. Some of them might result in very sad events, and I feel that sadness even now."

"I think I understand, Setsuna-san. If I may say so, I admire how clearheaded and focused you are, unlike certain people we know," said Rei, smiling, as an image of Usagi Tsukino lustily stuffing her face with pancakes came into her mind. "It is important for the clear heads among us to keep a watchful eye out. And when you do occasionally smile, it's all the more meaningful."

"I am glad to see you understand so well."

"All right then. I'll 'take a look' at this over the next few days. I will call you the moment I find out anything."

"Thank you, Hino-san."

"Setsuna-san?"

"Yes, Hino-san."

"I'm …very flattered by your trust. I am very happy to be of help to you. I will do my best, and keep it to myself."

Setsuna smiled at her and they parted company. As Rei watched her leave, it suddenly came into her mind that Setsuna-san was more deeply troubled about this than she was letting on. It was strange how 'personal' it seemed to be. Then, thoughts of that impossible possibility came to her again.

'_It can't be,'_ she thought, slyly. _'It just can't.'_

'_It'_ was an interesting speculation. The one feeling that immediately struck anyone upon meeting Setsuna Meioh, or even meeting her again, was '_gravitas_.' As she'd said, she was a serious woman, not to be trifled with: still waters that not only ran deep but could drown enemies quickly. Rei could appreciate that. She too was 'serious.' But where she often wore her passions on her sleeve, Setsuna was the soul of self control. That did not mean that she felt nothing. In the abstract that was possible, but Rei was almost certain she was a woman of passions that ran to deep for common expressions. What would happen if she ever 'let go?' Even more interesting: what would it be like if someone succeeded at _'reaching in to her?'_

A very interesting speculation indeed.


	6. Chapter 03 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

A Sailor Moon Fan Story

* * *

**Chapter 003-First Things**

**(Part 3)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

_Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas._

**-Virgil**

(Happy is he who has been able to learn the causes of things.)

* * *

"It is not worthwhile to try to keep history from repeating itself,

for man's character will always make the preventing of the

repetitions impossible."

- **Mark Twain **

_(Often misquoted as "History may not repeat itself, but it rhymes a lot.")_

* * *

"Events, dear boy, events."

**Harold Macmillan **

_(Prime Minister of Britain 1957 -1963)_

_when asked what worried him most about the future._

* * *

When it came to tutoring his students in history, Peter Kuryakin did not do so in linear, "first this happened, followed by this" way, at all. Instead, he taught it as "an aggregation of overlapping trajectories," which could be examined, almost like paintings in a museum – often, if one was careful, from the inside, so he insisted. Hotaru noticed at once, and as this went on, she wondered if there wasn't some pedagogical slight-of-hand going on. She took 'trajectories' to mean that, in part, history goes in circles. A linear trajectory is really just another way of drawing a circle, so why, she wondered, prefer any starting point of any given trajectory over another? Yet he consistently started by taking over any definable period as a going concern, often at the point where these currents seemed to be at their strongest. She wanted more details about how those periods and trajectories began and ended, and felt that the way he taught her flirted dangerously with the logical fallacy "_post hoc, ergo propter hoc_" or, "after this, therefore because of this." One day, the precocious young girl said as much.

Kuryakin then asked, rhetorically, "Where exactly does a circle begin?" and then said that historians, to say nothing of scientists, often do flirt with the _post hoc_ fallacy, and that in some cases it becomes a full-blown romance, complete with marriage and a consummation. From an after-the-fact perspective, historical events often look as if they couldn't have gone any other way. That is often illusory. On top of which, he explained, it's really very tricky to figure out how anything actually began. "Even in science there are the problems of abiogenesis, or trying to figure out what physics could even mean _before_ the Big Bang."

Hotaru, he said, seem to be assuming that he was teaching her history as a logical, one might say _inevitable_, series of cause-to-effect relationships. He was not. Though he did believe in a certain kind of inevitability, the problem was that cause-to-effect relationships were different from obvious and inevitable ground-to-consequent relationships, such as 'two and two are four.' It was his view that the two often got muddled in people's minds, even the best of minds. Cause-to-effect relationships were established, not by any kind of logical inevitability, but by the uniform witness of collective experience as philosopher David Hume clearly saw. And this most certainly includes those most contrived of all experiences, scientific experiments. However, in the case of the Miraculous, Hume seemed to lose his head and, determined to discount anything like Miracle, suggested that a _completely_ uniform witness of our experiences amounted to a logical proof. Kuryakin felt Hume had really over-reached there.

"While it may be," he finished up, "that our uniform experience is that, for example, empires rise and fall, that does little to explain why they do either of those things, and there's nothing that guarantees that pattern cannot abrogated by some new experience in the future. Thus, the witness of our collective experience can never be _completely_ uniform. And even if it were, our collective experience contains things that are contradictory. Knowing, like Being, is participatory – as even the Quantum Physicists will admit, if you back them into a corner on the matter. To find out the real causes of historical events, you'd almost have to experience them for real. We can't, of course, do that, so we are often forced to use what I call the test of imaginative fairness. This may seem iffy, but there's no help for it. There are schools of historical thought precisely because of this. That doesn't mean that historical inquiry isn't important. It is. Very important. You just shouldn't expect easy answers. Thus I teach history in a way that will let you connect the dots and experience it yourself, as far as that's even possible. It's why I prefer teaching by induction. I don't think the deductive way of learning is wrong: simply incomplete. Someone at your level needs to try the inductive way for a while."

'_All very good I guess,'_ Hotaru thought, but she couldn't help feel there was more to it than that. Kuryakin often sounded far more authoritative than anything normal human experience could allow. He reminded Hotaru a great deal of her Setsuna-momma, and was often caught up in a chronic wondering about what in Kuryakin's experience could have led him to speak that way. There was, however, no denying the method was very effective where she was concerned. Rather than think in terms of broad movements of history, she was now learning to think in terms of individual and aggregate human motivations. It was definitely new, and gave her much to think about. That pleased her no end, and she put off any idea of asking Kuryakin about his life for another time and a more amenable venue, which the classroom certainly was not. Having made peace with his teaching method and feeling unusually comfortable after an excellent lunch, she decided one day to ask him a question that had long intrigued her:

"Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Yes?" he said, stopping his lecture, which at the moment was covering the development of science in Europe.

"Why did the Western Roman Empire fall, while the Eastern part didn't?"

Kuryakin looked at her thoughtfully. He was all but sure this moment might come, given her comprehensive knowledge of basic events in world history. In fact, his method for teaching her was clearly working; it was precisely intended to raise and draw out questions of this sort in her mind. He'd been hoping for her to feel comfortable enough with him to ask a few of them, but he was pleasantly surprised to see it happening this soon. He knew from day one how he would handle it, and now that it had happened, some serious caveats were in order.

"Okay, Hotaru-kun," he said as he set a chair backwards in front of her elevated desk, sat down in it, rested his arms on the chair back, and looked up at her. "Let me explain something first. Your knowledge of world history is exceptional – in certain ways. And you realize that because you want to know more. I'm impressed by that. So if you really want to know what I think about something, I will tell you. But understand: when I say, 'this is what I think,' everything that follows is my opinion. I have a high opinion of my opinions, as you will soon see, but what is said during these times is not something you will be tested on. Okay?"

"I understand," she nodded.

"Another thing: we won't be able to spend a lot of time on this sort of thing, but Miss Meioh's directive about discretion notwithstanding, I feel it is part of my duty to … well, let me put it this way: you are her ward, but you are also an individual, and it is my duty, not as a teacher, but as a fellow human being, to treat you that way. And as a teacher, it is my duty to do anything I can to awaken the thirst for truth in you."

"Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Yes, Hotaru-kun?"

"You don't have to worry about that. Believe me, it's awake."

"Yes. And hungry, it would seem," he said, as he stared into her eyes. "I admit this happened earlier than I expected. I may have underestimated you- a little: a mistake I promise not to make again."

He got up, put the chair away, and pulled out a period map for the Roman Empire.

"We can only spend a few minutes on this. This is what the current scholarship says on the subject: any attempt to explain why Rome fell does indeed has to include a verifiable explanation as to western half did and the eastern half didn't. It is _the_ fundamental problem for the specialists in that area."

"Yes," she nodded excitedly. "That's exactly what I don't understand. How can anyone think there was only a single cause for it, when the Western half collapsed, and the Eastern half didn't?"

Kuryakin smiled. For the first time, the thought _'I like this clever little girl'_ came explicitly into his mind.

"You've recognized that on your own, have you? Excellent. Then, here we go:

Why did Rome fall? The broad, _general_ single cause explanations you can all but dismiss out of hand. Decadence? I doubt it. They were as decadent in building their empire as they were in losing it. Undermining effects of Christian "turn the other cheek" doctrine? No. Neither in the 5th century nor at any other time have European Christians had any real problem with fighting for their country- neither against each other, nor against outside invaders like the Saracens. And the Eastern half of the Empire was even more Christian, and far more mystically so, than the Western Half, and it held together, in the form of the Byzantine Empire, for another thousand years. Set-in-stone theoretical explanations don't fare well either. Any attempt to impose modern prejudices on ancient conditions is usually nonsense. For example, there's the Eugenicist explanation of racial miscegenation. Nonsense. The eastern half was filled with the supposed 'weaker Asiatic races' and lasted a thousand years longer … Are you getting all this fancy terminology I'm throwing out here?"

"Mostly, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, and then continued rather imperiously, "you might cut down on the fancy words just a bit, and I'll catch up after I've had time to review."

He chuckled. He had just been given an order. It was a pretty good one.

"Miscegenation means 'mixing of the races.' And either it's nonsense or it suggests that Asiatics were not the weaker ones. Then there are the specific, isolated cause explanations. Catastrophic events, for example: radical climate shifts, depopulation or demographic implosion, as it's called now - which, by the way, is something Japan is going to learn about first hand over the next few decades: then there's lead poisoning, because the Romans used lead pipes: ecological depletion - the Romans wore out the environment. And none of those work either, because of the problem you pointed out: why did the eastern half of the Empire survive? Did the climate only shift in the west? The eastern Romans used lead pipes too, and I doubt they were more environmentally aware than the western Romans. There are a few of these specific explanations - demographic implosion, for example- that might work if you can explain why it occurred, in conjunction with other theories."

Hotaru was taking notes frantically now, and with a very determined look on her face. This subject was indeed her passion. She knew Asian history best of all. Now she was getting good stuff to think about in European history, and because it was less familiar to her, it was exotic and fun.

"You're truly fascinated by this, aren't you?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, as she finished writing and then she looked up. "I am _very_ fascinated by the things that cause the fall of a kingdom."

"Really?" said Kuryakin. "Hmmm, to really understand that, you must also understand why, and more importantly _how_, kingdoms came about in the first place. But, we'll have to save that for another time. I can't let us to get too far afield here."

"Okay," she smiled, but she filed away that little promise with every intention of bringing it up again as soon as she thought she could get away with it. "May I hear more about those other theories, please?"

"Other theories," he continued. "Rampant corruption in the government? Hard to prove it was any less rampant earlier on. Corruption _was_ rampant in the late empire, but I suspect it was just as bad in the Republic and the Early Empire. The later Empire had a lot more officials to corrupt, but there were also a lot more Romans. It's possible there was some kind of critical mass, but that doesn't mean the percentage of corrupt officials went up. Certainly, corruption in government officials is never a good thing.

The well-attested barbarian invasions? Again, why was the Eastern Empire able to hold them off? More on that in a bit.

Then there are the complex, non-general explanations. The divided empire thesis for example: Rome was a _very_ divided society, rich and poor, Christian and pagan, Roman and barbarian, etc. losing cohesion and unable to defend its borders. Again, there were all those things in the eastern half, and yet it stood for another thousand years. Then there's the 'systems analysis explanation' that revives the barbarian invasions thesis: the invasions created internal pressure that then exacerbated the divisions and created what is called a positive feedback loop. There's an invasion, increased division makes it impossible to fend off the invasion, which encourages more invasions. The barbarians devastate an area, the government has to raise more taxes to fund the army to stop the invasions, the society becomes increasingly oppressive, which causes more division, and on and on until collapse.

The problem with that is best demonstrated by the opposite position: the Transformationist school, which says that Roman Empire never fell. It just changed, like a caterpillar into a butterfly. Let's go a little deeper into that. Anyone could become a Roman: though not a voting citizen. In the western half, the Romans had always relied for the maintenance of order on auxiliaries: detachments of allied troops, under their own officers. Under the Empire, this increasingly became the _en masse_ recruitment of barbarian tribes, who were allowed to settle in Roman territory. These were usually under the command of their hereditary chieftains – the _Rex Francorum_, _Rex Visigothorum_, and so on. The Empire was a military dictatorship and its instrument of government was the army. Thus, with the decline in the power of the central government, the local military commanders acquired more and more independence. Clovis, a third-generation commander of a force of some 5,000 Frankish auxiliaries- stationed at Arras, is a perfect example of this process.

So the Transformationist school sees this as a slow changing of the guard process, in which different peoples eventually filled in the spaces left by declining numbers of predecessors. And there may be something to that. Transformationists point out the continuity between certain features of the late Roman Period, and the Early Medieval Period. There is a certain resemblance of Late Rome to a kind of proto-feudalism. The great cities had shrunk, to near nothing in some cases. It was very rural with large villas plied by what amounted to indentured servants. The late period royalty looked far more like the absolute monarchies of Medieval Kingdoms than of the Republic. And the greatest continuity was the Christian religion itself, with proto-monasteries popping up everywhere.

But I find it hard to accept _completely_. For one thing, we have the writings of the Christians that blame the _calamities_ on the pagans, and vice versa. Whoever was right or wrong, it was clearly the consensus that calamity was occurring. And then Justinian, the Eastern Emperor, tried to invade Africa and the Western Empire to retake it, so clearly something that was once there was now gone and he wanted to recover it. The big thing that was missing? Order. It was a very chaotic and lawless time - entire races disappeared into oblivion, and trade never prospers in troubled times - and that was due to the fact that Rome, at least as a keeper of order, really wasn't there anymore.

It's worth noting those continuities, but in the end, Rome had certainly declined so much, saying it had declined but not fallen is a distinction without a difference to me. Have I given you enough to chew on, Hotaru-kun?"

Apparently he had not, as she raised her hand. "What do you think happened?"

"Okay, _this is what I think_," he said very deliberately. "As you've said, it is a mistake to take any one thing and amplify it as _the_ cause. I hold to a broad systems analysis approach, in which certain things were exacerbated by what I would call persistent conditions – or really, inherent, tragic flaws- that made playing the devil with the Roman system easier. For example, if I _had_ to pick one or two things that did the Western Empire in, I would say it was a combination of slavery and imperial overreach.

Why slavery? Well, to put it bluntly, I think the Romans were a people who hated work, who despised commerce and who made a kind of societal decision to live by plundering and enslaving their neighbors, with themselves as the mandarins ruling over it all. To be successful at this (and they were immensely successful) it was necessary to cultivate certain very real virtues: organization, courage, perseverance, self-control, prudence, discipline, constancy in misfortune, patriotism or devotion to the community. Except in this case, patriotism meant nothing more, less or other than 'hatred of foreigners.' We know this because the very word "Foreigner," or _Peregrinus_, is a late arrival in Latin, as Cato observed. Before the end of the Second Punic War, they simply made do with the words _Hostis_ or _Servus_ – Enemy or Slave. Under such a set up, liberty meant sharing in the government, which is to say, overseeing the division of the spoils of conquest. Quite naturally, the most honored as well as the most lucrative professions were those of soldier, politician and jurist. Property was a matter of pure legal positivism; the idea that people are entitled to the produce of their labors would have challenged the very core of a state founded on rapine and slavery.

"Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru said, "there has always been slavery, throughout history."

"Yes, even now, and it's in the times and places that slavery is _not_ assumed to be something natural that I find much of great interest. However, in the ancient world, there was slavery and then there was slavery. So what was the nature of slavery in Rome? The legal basis for it was hostile capture; Aristotle's idea that some people are slaves by nature was quite foreign to Roman thought. Accordingly, there was a great deal of freeing ones slaves, particularly by will at one's death. This cost the testator nothing and ensured a crowd of mourners at his funeral. Equally logical was the rule whereby any slave legally manumitted automatically became a Roman citizen. Several attempts by the Senate to restrict manumissions, particularly by will, failed, because the Praetors protected the legal (but _never_ the political) rights of slaves freed in breach of these laws. Moreover, even those who remained legally slaves could acquire considerable fortunes. Very often a slave might be quite a bit smarter than his master, and there is good evidence from their legal writings that in many cases masters were little more than sleeping partners in their slaves' enterprises. The notion of a slave's personal property, or _peculium_, became far too important economically for the courts to ignore. So the path to citizenship, by manumission, or by purchase, and particularly by marriage to a citizen, was made and kept very easy. You might think, 'that doesn't seem too onerous.' Well, first of all it was only the elite among the captive peoples to whom slavery need not be too arduous. And remember their freedom granted legal, but never political, rights. And why? Because the influence exercised by politicians through their freedmen and their descendents was enormous. By the time of the Empire, the _Liberti Caesaris _were the chosen ministers and tools of despotism. This was the effect of slavery in the upper echelons of Roman society.

Then there was the effect at the lower levels. Though slavery was prevalent in households throughout the city itself, it was on the farms and plantations where slavery was at its worst and had its worst effects. The Roman conquests of Carthage, Macedonia and Greece in the 3rd and 2nd centuries BC took turned was once a luxury and privilege for few into the driving factor of both social and economic policies for the Republic as a whole. The mass influx of slaves during this time period was, at first, a sign of great wealth and power, but very quickly it destabilized the already fractious Roman class system. Farms originally run by small business families throughout Italy were soon gobbled up and replaced by enormous slave run plantations owned by the aristocratic elite. Cheap slave labor replaced work for the common man and the roles of the unemployed masses grew to epidemic proportions. This destabilized the social system and lead directly to the demise of Republican Rome, making the coming of Imperial Rome nearly though not perfectly inevitable. As the rift between Senatorial elite and social reformers grew, the use of the unemployed, landless, yet citizen mobs were used again and again to grind away at the Senate's ability to govern. To forge anything like a lasting civilization out of such a society was a futile undertaking."

"But weren't there the same things in the East, too?" asked Hotaru.

"Correct, but there were important factors that mitigated the effects there. In fact, the Eastern Empire was the only part that could have avoided the worst aspects of slavery and of overreach. Thus it remained sufficiently coherent to survive. Slavery in the East was – well, I won't say better, but slightly less bad, because – and again, this is what _I_ think- it was more thoroughly, even mystically, converted to the Christian religion and _that_ directly ameliorated the conditions of slavery. But this is my point: do you see how much I've had to study just to begin getting at the problem? Look at all the fields where I have had to look for clues to this mystery: law, languages, history, theology, archeology, to name just a few. Complex events require complex understandings. Everything affects everything else.

For example, those invasions – or really, they might have been more like migrations -"

"_A la_ the Transformationist school?" she asked.

"Exactly," Kuryakin nodded, "and whatever they were, they certainly had an effect. That's where the imperial overreach comes into play. In the case of the invasions, the West had to defend all of the Rhine and most of the Danube. And you can thank Julius Caesar's pointless invasion of the West for that. He overextended the Roman Empire and for no good reason."

Hotaru looked up questioningly for a moment. She had always thought Julius Caesar to be somewhat admirable, though she knew little of him, but she was pleased to see that Kuryakin was truly giving her his own, perhaps original, thoughts on this.

"Oh yes," Kuryakin continued. "To be honest, Hotaru-kun, when I contemplate the ruins of Rome, the thing I most delight in contemplating is that they are in fact, _ruins_. The only Romans I've ever found thoroughly admirable were at least a little subversive of the _status quo_. Now Julius Caesar's decision to invade Transalpine Gaul was undertaken for purely personal reasons: money to fund his political ambitions, to win the loyalty of his troops and to gain a reputation at home by doing something to rival Pompey's conquests in the East. Objectively, an Empire with its Northern frontier on the Alps and at the Rhône would have made far more sense. Now, the Eastern frontier was always the most important because it was there that the Romans faced another long lived and great imperial power – the Third Persian, or Sassanid, Empire."

"Yes, what about the Persians, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"In a minute," he smiled. "Constantine understood the importance of the Eastern Empire well. It's why he transferred the capital from Rome to Byzantium/Constantinople. As far as any threat from the North or West was concerned, the Eastern Empire had only to defend 300 miles of the Danube and from a wonderfully defensible position. Take a look at the map. Constantinople was a nigh impregnable to invasion from the north or the west by the fifth century. Any invasion coming southward would run up against it, and then get shunted toward the West where the pickings were easier. This only increased the pressure of those feedback loops on the West, so now we have mere geography playing a huge part in the equation. Also, the Eastern Empire was much less dependent on Germanic troops and leaders. The Western Empire's reliance on what amounted to foreign generals suggests that there was overextension, and significant demographic implosion in the West. That implosion, by the way, is also suggested by the decline in technological prowess exemplified by certain pottery examples which show that pottery from the later period was very, very inferior to that of earlier times. Some technologies had definitely been lost.

As for facing the Sassanian Persians, they were a civilized nation. One could sign treaties and expect them to be upheld. After 363 C.E. there were no major wars between the Persians and the Eastern half of the empire, at the very time the West was so heavily confounded. The next major Persian wars don't come along until the 6th century. So, to wrap this up," he said firmly, "the Eastern Empire survived until 1453 when the Turks finally took it, and brought the History of the Eastern Roman Empire, and the Roman Empire as a whole to an end. Even up to the last, the Byzantines called themselves _Romaoi_, that is, Romans. And they did succeed in preserving a great deal from the ancient world, so that when the Turks took the city, immigrants from the area would bring with them the treasures of antiquity that helped fuel the _Renaissance_. The West meanwhile devolved into a bunch of little barbarian kingdoms that form the roots of the modern European nations. Did you get all that?"

She was still scribbling furiously, but then she looked up, smiled and nodded. This was the best lesson yet, but Hotaru was not done. She had one last question to ask.

"Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Yes?"

After a well-timed rhetorical pause, she asked, "What is the truth?"

"You mean about the Roman Empire," he asked looking puzzled, "or … in general?"

She wasn't about to miss this chance to take the measure of her teacher.

"The latter," she said, her eyes gleaming expectantly.

Kuryakin let out a low whistle that resonated throughout the room, and then said, "Hmmm, a little college level lecture and you're ready to take a jump off the existential high dive into the epistemological deep end, are you?" The high-tone words did nothing to dampen her expectant expression, and, in this moment, she looked so adorable, he flirted with saying something.

"You promised not to underestimate me, Kuryakin-sensei." And so he had.

"You think _I_ know the answer to that, do you?"

"I am interested in what _you_ think, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, and suddenly, as though something else had come into the room, there it was, unmistakable. The Cold Look had come into her eyes. Icy, life draining cold. The very room temperature seemed to drop. His eyes narrowed.

"Okay," he said, fascinated by what he was seeing in her eyes. He got very close to her, and looked deliberately and fearlessly into her eyes. "Y'know, that 'this is what I think' thing?"

She nodded.

"It goes, times ten, now. This is what I, and I alone think …"

He coughed into his hand, and cleared his throat.

"Absolute, objective and comprehensive truth does exist, but as a whole it is known and knowable only by the Maker of All Things. If there is one," he added as a caveat, though he appeared to be convinced there was such a being. "Follow me so far?"

She nodded, and he was pretty sure she really had.

"For those who are 'made,' created, contingent on the unmade, truth is partial, and existential –something you must seek out and experience with your whole being- and it is a lived dialogue, a praxis, a dialectic, that is, a back and forth with Reality itself. And the only way you will ever know it, is to be absolutely honest about what you do and don't know, and by making yourself vulnerable to others _through love._ And there will be a test on this, Hotaru-kun, not by me, but by Reality itself, and you will be tested every minute of your life. Remember, that is what I, and I alone, think. You are _in no way_ under any obligation to think the same thing."

Then as he walked back to the map, he looked over his shoulder and winked at her as he said, "Unless I'm right."

By the time he said the words 'through love,' the Cold Look had melted away, and a warm and grateful look had taken its place. This marked the first time Kuryakin-sensei had ever engaged her, not as teacher to pupil, but as one independent mind to another. It was so shocking how pleasant this was, in later times, she considered it a kind of awakening. Never very long on self-esteem, she was even more intimidated by her teacher, this tall, sometimes strange, often dour looking person with eyes that looked like they could see through a mountain. That, too, was the day he consciously accepted his responsibility to see her, not as the ward of her guardians, but as a singular person, and to respect her, to draw her out, and to find out what she really thought about things. Anything could happen now.

"Who am I, really?" Hotaru had wondered a lot lately. So many things had changed since the last crisis. Yes, she was Sailor Saturn, the Soldier of Ruin, but even there she had never had to live a human life with the knowledge of who she was as a Senshi, and, harder still, in light of the purpose she seemed to serve in the scheme of things. What she did know about who she was made it even more important to ponder what she didn't know. So the question 'Who am I?' was, in her case, even more of the moment. For the first time, she began to think it might be possible to find out. She knew about her Cold Look, though she did not realize that it was also manifesting itself during her seizures. She knew it was off-putting, to put it mildly. Lately she had made a certain peace with it. It was her way of testing people, and even things, like the dolphins. This teacher had looked her in the eye, taken her Cold Look without fear, and swallowed it up out of an appreciation for her as unique. He had told her, and trusted her to hear, the best and deepest things he knew. Whether he was right, wrong, or somewhere in between about any of it didn't matter; he had just become her friend.

* * *

That night's 'lesson recital' was an extremely interesting and animated event, for Hotaru felt she had an advantage even her teacher could not have: someone who might actually know why the Roman Empire fell, first hand, as it were. Hotaru was in for a bit of a disappointment. She reviewed the day's lesson in historical causation for her guardians, and took note that Setsuna seemed slightly disturbed by what Kuryakin-sensei had said about the reasons for the Fall of Rome. It was hard to understand why since, if she thought he was wrong, she would surely have corrected what Kuryakin-sensei had said to the degree that it was wrong.

"Do you agree with him?" she asked.

Setsuna seemed distracted for a moment then said, "Well, more or less, yes. Slavery was a huge contributing condition. Did he seem very sure of his analysis?"

"Well," Hotaru replied, "when giving me his own opinions, he always says that it's just his own thoughts, and that I won't be tested on them."

Setsuna said no more, but she, in the course of her duty as Time Guardian, had indeed come to many conclusions about many historical events, including the Fall of Rome. She was puzzled, yet again, at how well Kuryakin understood things it had taken her centuries of observation to learn. _'How does he do that?'_ Then a discussion followed where Hotaru came to understand the limits of Setsuna's abilities to see timelines. Setsuna tried to explain that she was just as limited by her individuality as much as anyone else.

"I do try to understand those things as best I can," said Setsuna. "The Time Gate is of great help, of course. It allows me to see many things, many causes, and the notable people involved, though the picture is never as whole as I would like it to be."

"Hotaru," said Michiru attempting to amplify the point about Setsuna's individuality, "What she is saying is that the devil is in the details. Even as from the outside, as though one could watch history as a movie, to actually understand it she would actually have to go there, live there, acculturate, and observe. It could take centuries of that to figure out the broader …"

"Trajectories?" Hotaru suggested helpfully.

"Yes," said Michiru, "that's as good a word as any."

"So in other words, even if you had a window into any given time, history is at best a guess, unless one has really lived it?"

"It can be a very educated guess," said Setsuna, "but without a window into mind and hearts, …"

Setsuna paused as if debating whether to say anything more. Then with a little shrug, she continued.

"People have completely misunderstood time and none more than the scientists who, insisting on seeing it through the lens of mere physics, have abstracted it into just another attribute of the physical universe. I am good at physics because I, by experience, have a perspective that comes from beyond it. Often, when I stay late at University, I am actually arguing –subtly and respectfully, of course- with my academic mentor.

Time is not just one more dimension of the universe. It is the opposite of space. Space is a whole, something passive, if you will. It is something you are in, totally. Time comes to us in increments that successively bombard space. It is active; indeed, it is _'in collision'_ with space, and it is in that collision that life can occur. Space is the clay; time is the potter. You have lived, Hotaru, in but one space: but even in your short life, you lived through times innumerable."

As Setsuna talked, a change came over her, and indeed the whole room. Setsuna had never opened up like this to anyone. Haruka and Michiru were listening intently, though without appearing to. Though Setsuna had Hotaru's complete attention, they, too, were hanging on her every word.

"This is changing," she continued, waxing mystical. "Time and space are converging in a way they never have before. It is almost as if the two have worn each other out, or want to make a kind of peace with each other. Something has happened. The biggest and most troubling implication of it is that, now, there can be only One History for everyone. Every attempt to get around this, to hold on to the past is becoming an almost suicidal effort. I wish it were not so," she said looking very sad.

"What has happened, Setsuna-momma?"

Setsuna had her suspicions about that. The past actions of Small Lady Serenity might be part of it, but even if she was wrong about that, her suspicions were something she would never reveal.

"I do not know. The knowing of it, via the Time Gate, is similar to the uncertainty principle in physics. I can know that something has happened, or I can know what that something is, as one event among many, but not realize its significance. Of the two, it is better to know that something significant has happened, and then to keep your eyes open," Setsuna paused, and realized that her words were falling quite heavily on the ears of her audience. She smiled and continued. "Do not worry, Hotaru. To truly, finally, and comprehensively understand why Rome fell, you must first know where History is going, and then it will be clear, by comparison. There were things in it that stood between them and that one history. Those things represented, for want of a better term, a wrong turning. They had to be removed and in the end, the removal was too traumatic for the host society. So Rome fell.

The same was true of ancient Greece. Why did Plato, Aristotle and Thucydides write what they wrote? Because Greece _should have worked_, that is, it should have been the model for all peoples, and lasted thousands of years, but it did not. It was irrevocably destroyed when they chose to embark upon the Sicilian Invasion. They wanted to know why the _polis_ had failed, and was falling in to ruin. How had their enlightened, democratic contemporaries chosen so badly? There was always something quite … _infantile_ about the ancient Greeks," she said, in the tone of an aside. "Those men were trying to puzzle out the failure as they saw their society falling into obvious ruin. They were what are sometimes called prophets. A prophet is not someone who predicts the future. He is someone who sees the obstacles between a person or a people, or even the whole world, and that One History. A prophet always predicts some horrible calamity, because he knows that some terrible calamity stands – and must stand- between his people and it."

"Was the same true of WWII Japan?"

Setsuna said nothing, but it was the kind of silence that signaled agreement.

"I can help you to understand this much, Hotaru. Alexander is called "The Great"; Temujin is called "The Great Khan." Why? Because they conquered so much territory in very little time. Men count that as greatness. But true greatness does not lie in conquering the greatest space in the smallest time. It lies in conquering the smallest space for the greatest length of time. The human heart is that smallest space. These are not assertions. These things I _know_ - by experience. I have lived them."

"So, the truth is found by living a life."

"That is not a bad way to put it," Setsuna smiled. Hotaru smiled as well. Setsuna-momma and Kuryakin-sensei may use different words, but, if Hotaru had understood them correctly, it appeared to her that they were actually in close agreement.

"And in specific matters, or perhaps I should say, _mere_ academic matters," said Setsuna as if in summary, "I am usually right far more than I am wrong. I shall gladly put what I know up against the knowledge of any academic historian, at any time. But, Hotaru, be glad of the time in which you are now. It is where you are; and your mind, and your heart with you. It is that which matters most."


	7. Chapter 03 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

A Sailor Moon Fan Story

* * *

**Chapter 003-First Things**

**(Part 4)**

* * *

'_About time,'_ thought Hotaru.

It was Tuesday of the fourth week and, late in the afternoon, something for which she'd been secretly hoping finally happened. Michiru-momma called Kuryakin-sensei to tell him that Haruka-poppa's car had broken down, and with profuse apologies, she wondered if he could take Hotaru home. He agreed and sounded pleased at the prospect. He even offered to come and pick up "The Kittens" if they needed a lift. Michiru thanked him, but said that would not be necessary. Hotaru was glad to hear this. It sounded like an excellent opportunity for that "more amenable venue" where she could possibly find out a few things about him and if The Kittens – she chuckled inwardly- were along that would have ruined it. During the trip to the dolphinarium, she had been too excited and a little too shy to probe. On the way back, she had slept, and that would have been too soon anyway. Now, she was more comfortable around him, and with all that she'd noticed lately, she thought that it wouldn't offend discretion too much to put a few polite questions to him.

"Which way would you like to go home, Hotaru-kun? The shortest way, or the scenic route?"

"Which would be less trouble for you?" she asked.

"Don't even worry about that."

"We usually cross the bay to bring me here. But isn't the toll very expensive?"

"I have a free pass."

"Haruka-poppa has one of those, too."

"Really? Always interesting, her and Miss Kaioh. I've got to find a way to get to know those two. Myself, I'd like to take the scenic route. Unless you're in a hurry?"

"Not at all, Kuryakin-sensei," she said sincerely, for this leisurely trip would give her even more time to put the questions carefully. They headed out from the studio early and began the long trek around Tokyo Bay, heading for the Chiba prefecture on the Boso Peninsula.

"May I ask some questions, Kuryakin sensei?" she said tentatively after what she deemed an appropriate amount of time.

"Relating to lessons, or of some other nature?" he asked.

"The second kind."

"You may always ask, Hotaru-kun. I may not always answer," he said looking slyly at her, "but you may _always_ ask."

Kuryakin was more pleased than he let on about this opportunity to take Hotaru home. Professionalism aside, he enjoyed the time spent with her. He saw at once that she was 'a sweetheart,' though a troubled one, which only made him want to help her more. He liked her 'tiny' presence – so he thought of it- unobtrusive, yet substantial in some way he'd not yet fully grasped. There was wonderful tonal quality to Hotaru's voice that was nigh musical. As the weeks passed, he found it more and more delightful and often would draw her out just to hear her talk. She was also deeply intelligent. Kuryakin took more delight than he could possibly have imagined in tutoring young people, but it was rare that he had a student who could actually spark him intellectually. Ami Mizuno might have been able to, but was bit a too young when he'd taught her, and far too shy. One or two others had, but in general teaching was very much a one-way street. The pleasure he took from it was not that kind of pleasure. Hotaru was also unfailingly proper, but if he pressed her a little, he discovered she was surprisingly and wonderfully opinionated. If she thought this might a chance to find out more about him, he would try not to disappoint her. There wouldn't be much he could reveal, but he was touched that she would even want to know. The things he could reveal would, most likely, be boring to a young girl. Where his life was 'interesting,' it was _very_ interesting indeed, but it was also something he would never talk about.

She waited a few moments, unsure how to proceed.

"Ask away, Hotaru-kun."

"The last few lessons you seem kind of tired."

"Oh. Yeah, I haven't been getting good sleep lately."

"Why not?"

He smiled. "I like how observant and curious you are. Thanks for noticing. I have a few things on my mind."

"Like what?"

Now he chuckled.

"Next question, Hotaru-kun."

"Do you have friends here?"

"A few. Mostly though, I have professional acquaintances, and former students like Miss Mizuno. Many of those students are abroad now, working or going to college. Every now and then, I'll run into someone, or a one of them will remember me, and drop me line. Not so much lately, though. I wish they would. I really do hope all is well with them."

"I was wondering about that. I remember what you said when we first met about how few of them ever call you."

"It's not that unexpected. People are like tree branches. They grow farther and farther apart from each other and sometimes nothing short of a good wind can knock them together again."

A few more kilometers passed.

"Are you single?" she quietly but determinedly blurted out, and then blushed.

He laughed at that one, mainly at the amount of energy it seemed require for her to ask.

"Gomen nasai _(I'm sorry)_," she said, "it's just that, well …"

"Yes?"

"You seem … isolated."

"Really?" he said. "What makes you think so?"

"You're a foreign teacher in a strange land, …"

"Every land is strange to me …" he quipped.

"… you live alone in a depressing part of the city …"

"… rent is cheaper, and it's quiet there …"

"… you always seem so glad to see me …"

"… I can't imagine anybody who wouldn't be happy to spend time with you," he smiled. "Hotaru-kun, when I'm not working on your lesson plans, believe me, I keep busy doing things I really enjoy. Don't fret yourself."

After another minute passed in silence, he ventured, "What about you, Hotaru-kun? Do you have any friends?"

She looked off into the distance and then said, "Not really. There are the other violin students Michiru-momma teaches, but I don't really get to meet them in an informal setting. Once I was invited to a sleep over by one of them, but I wasn't able to go. I do have one very good friend, though. I just don't get to see her much anymore."

"Hmmm. Are you able to … keep in touch with this friend, at least?"

"Now and then. Someday I hope I can be in the same … place as her."

He took note that she seemed to be choosing words very carefully here.

"She is your … _anam cara_."

"What's that, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Your soul friend. The one person you can say anything to, hear anything from, do anything with. The one person who will always listen. She – I assume it's a she," he said, causing Hotaru to blush again, "doesn't judge, but she's not afraid to confront you either. She's the one person who, more than anyone else, can help you find out who you really are."

"Yes, that is her," Hotaru affirmed. "Just being with her is all that matters."

"Exactly. I really regret now that I don't have any other students. You might have been able to make a friend or two that way."

"Do you have a soul friend?"

"I've _never_ had one," he said, indifferently.

"So … you don't know who you are?" she asked, slyly smiling.

He smiled back.

"How does a soul friend help you find out who you are?" she asked.

"Well, they draw you out of yourself, make you realize what is and isn't really important to you. I get the feeling The Kittens are that way."

"Why don't you have one?" she asked, very interested.

"A soul friend has to have at least some shared experience in order to empathize. The harder the shared experience, the deeper the empathy. My … situation has always been … singular."

Now he was choosing his words carefully, and she realized it.

"Have you ever had a … I'm sorry. Never mind."

"A … girl friend?" he whispered conspiratorially.

She smiled and blushed again.

"Not here, if that's what you mean."

"Oh."

A few more miles passed, then she asked worriedly and suddenly, "Do you not like the girls in this country?"

A minute passed before he was done laughing at that.

"Oh, no, I like them very much. They're very nice and very … friendly, for the most part. Sometimes a little too friendly. This one student I had last year asked if she could call me Taiki-sensei, after some character in a TV show. Or it may have been some guy in a singing group; I didn't get that part exactly."

"Why?"

"Because I'm tall, I think it was. My other girl students thought it was _really_ funny though, and I don't think I want to know why. Y'know, my cram school groups were mostly made up of girls. The first two, completely so. It was cute. Everyone paid very close attention to me. Some of them found out about the 'apple for the teacher' thing - which no one in America really does anymore, but somehow they found out about it. So, I was swimming in apples for a while. I turned them all into apple butter, and apple jelly, and sent it back home with them, along with some good black bread. Customer relations and all that.

I found out why I had so many girls later. I met a few _gaijin_ (foreigners) who came here to teach English for the school system. Almost without fail, if it's a guy, he'll have mostly girls assigned to his class, and if it's a girl, she'll get all boys. One might get the idea their employers do that on purpose. It must be a selling point to the opposite sex. So, my classes naturally attracted more girls than guys. Then a few guys realized there were lots of pretty girls in my classes and that's when things began to even out. Anyway, let me put it this way: Japanese or otherwise, no, I do not have, and have not had, a girl friend since coming here."

Then, as though he felt the need to offer some hope for whatever reason she was asking this, he added slyly, "_Yet._ Why do you want to know?"

"You've been here for seven years, right? It seems like a long time to go without having someone to be close to."

"Maybe," he said seriously, "but for some people, Hotaru-kun, seven years is nothing."

'_True enough,'_ thought Hotaru, thinking of Setsuna-momma's alter ego. He became distant looking, and bit morose, but he had opened up to her just a bit, and the precedent might mean he would do so again in the future. She had made a good start; it seemed like a good time to let things lie.

Even in this situation, the education did not stop. A few minutes later, as they came to a stoplight, he noticed a semi-truck driver inching slowly to the stop light hoping it would change to green so he would not have to stop completely. He quickly brought this to Hotaru's attention and asked her to explain why the truck driver was doing this. By this time, she was used to his way of teaching and knew that he brought it up because somehow it was a practical application of something they had studied. She needed only a few seconds to realize that the truck driver was hoping to avoid a complete stop because "a body at rest tends to remain at rest, and a body in motion tends to remain in motion." And in fact, the driver was quite expert. He had successfully timed his deceleration to prevent a full stop. "Now sometime in your next lesson," he said, "we're going to see if we can figure out how much gas the driver saved by avoiding a complete stop. It may not be much, but if he's able to do that most of the time, I'll bet it adds up. So tonight, I want you to spend a little time thinking about what we need to know to figure that out. You can even ask your guardians for help if you want."

* * *

They were well down into the Chiba prefecture. The city of Kisarazu was on their right as they headed up into the mountainous spine of the Boso peninsula. The road leading to Hotaru's house was easy to follow since it was also a well-marked bus route. It was, Kuryakin figured, the very one Setsuna Meioh's bus would follow to bring her home. He wondered if she was already there.

"Wow, this is nice," he said, as they rounded a corner very close to where Hotaru lived. Kuryakin had noticed the sign that said Scenic View Ahead. Now he saw what it referred to. At this point, they had a pretty good view of both the Pacific Ocean to the east, and the view of Tokyo Bay, the City of Kisarazu, and the Aqua-line bridge tunnel that connected it with Kawasaki on the other side. But it was the view to the southwest that had really caught his attention. He would have to make a point to stop here and take a better look on his way home. Even better was the secluded little area at the end of a long, narrow driveway, where a beautiful house came into view as one passed a slight curve.

Hotaru and her guardians lived in medium-sized, three story, Victorian style home, with blue brick siding, and a covered porch that lined the whole house. On the south side, the porch expanded into a larger, covered patio. Even from the outside, Kuryakin could see hints of a two -it might even be three- story central rotunda, capped by a third floor whose roof was covered in blue-gray flecked shingles. The roof sported three chimneys of dark gray brick suggesting this would be one very cozy place to be in the deep of winter, and in the center a stylish observatory, giving it a fourth floor. It was nestled among pine trees, with beds of wild roses in front. As he pulled into the circle driveway in front of the house, Kuryakin could see a covered walkway leading to a garage that, so Hotaru told him, housed Tomboy Kitten's small fleet of sports and luxury cars.

"What a nice place!" Kuryakin said. "I'm not charging you people enough. Hotaru-kun, you are very fortunate. Your guardians really have done well by you, bless 'em."

They pulled into the driveway. She got out, unlocked the front door and went inside the house, but no one was there yet.

"Okay then, Hotaru-kun, I'll stick around till Miss Meioh gets here."

"It's all right, Kuryakin-sensei, I can be alone for …"

"Hotaru-kun?" he interrupted. "I'll stick around."

She smiled.

"In the meantime, come here and take a look at this," he said. He had pulled a tree branch down, taken a little plastic Fresnel lens from his pocket, and had her look at the structure of a leaf. After explaining several leaf shapes, edge types and vein structures, his voice trailed off. Hotaru looked up at him. He was staring at something. Far away, walking through the alternating pools of sunlight and shadow made by the trees that lined the road to their house was Setsuna. She was wearing a maroon skirt with a lavender blouse and still had her lab coat on. Hotaru called to her, and after taking a quick glance at her tutor and smiling, ran to greet her. He followed along, covering the ground between them quickly without appearing to. As they met, he offered to take Setsuna's book bag. Hotaru was mildly surprised when Setsuna allowed this.

As they walked back to the house, Hotaru remembered something about how Setsuna had acted during their first meeting, and now, she realized, she had a chance to confirm the observation. Both of them were talking amiably. He explained why he had to bring Hotaru home. She said she knew about it, since Michiru had left her a message. Then they talked about how Hotaru was doing, and he complimented her yet again on the fine job they were doing raising her. At times, they almost seemed to forget Hotaru was right there with them. She did not mind this in the least, for a wonderful and wholly unexpected feeling stole over her. _'This is … nice.'_ Him and her together, she between them, walking down a wooded driveway with the shafts of sunlight knifing though the trees: she almost felt like she was a part of a 'real' family. He was so wonderfully tall and Setsuna was … Setsuna, her lovely mother figure, so beautiful as the light and shadow danced around her, and played off her face, her hair, her white coat. Enchanting as this was, she was careful to watch them both, and by the time they'd gotten to the door, Hotaru had confirmed that earlier observation. Now stopped at the van and watched both as he walked Setsuna up to the porch, and set her book bag down. After a few more minutes of talking – about her, she thought, they parted company. Setsuna did not go into the house right away, but watched him all the way to his van.

"Oh, Kuryakin-sensei?" Hotaru said, as they passed each other.

"Yes, Hotaru-kun?"

"You said music was the second best thing you do. What's the first?"

He smiled indulgently at her, but then said, "Oh, that's … _*ahem*_ something I can't talk about. See you Thursday. 10:00 a.m. sharp."

Then he looked at Setsuna still standing on the porch.

"Good day, Miss Meioh," he called to her.

And with a bow from him, and a nod from her, he got into his van, and left.

* * *

Kuryakin was pensive as he drove home. He'd had almost forgotten that scenic view they'd seen coming home, but caught himself in time, and pulled over to take a more thorough look. It was amazing just how much it looked like … _that_ place. He watched for several minutes, thinking.

He should have counted himself fortunate that Miss Meioh had not been home, simply dropped Hotaru off, and left. But, he had not seen her again since the day they first met, so the chance to see that glorious woman again proved irresistible. She was as stunning as he remembered, with her caryatid-like posture, her elegant, purposeful gait, and stylish dress. She was very cordial with him, and he was ethically obligated to be the same with her, but lately, thoughts of her were intruding at unexpected times into his otherwise well-ordered ruminations.

In fact, so he found himself admitting, there might be more to it than that. He had not felt anything like this in a far longer time than he could ever tell anyone. It was the kind of feeling that forced one to 'do something' about it, as it had in his past. It crossed his mind that, as in his past, what he was thinking amounted to a hopeless proposition, and that she would be far too good for him. That thought was quickly opposed by the determination that it hadn't stopped him then. He began thinking about the time ahead. Hotaru's problem was, he thought, being solved and there would be no need for him to tutor her another term. He would gladly do so, in spite of any future plans and this time with no pretense of requiring payment, but it didn't look like that would be necessary. So then, to 'do something' about the sweet moment in her presence he'd just enjoyed, he got out his cell phone. It was really just a fancy, but … there was reservation he ought to make, just in case.

* * *

As Setsuna listened intently to Hotaru's daily lesson 'recital,' she was also thinking furiously about something. She was very busy with coursework now, but running into Mister Kuryakin today, while not unpleasant –it was very and unexpectedly pleasant actually- had also caused her to wonder anew at why the man seemed so strange to her. She had not seen him since that first day, nor had she spoken to him on the phone in over a week. Her ongoing puzzlement had diminished as her coursework put ever greater demands on her time. She suspected she would meet him again once Michiru had called her, and from that moment on her desire to puzzle him out was reinvigorated. Hotaru mentioned he might have been waiting around just to see her. If so, surely it was out of professionalism, safely and certainly seeing Hotaru back to her. But was it only that? He also clearly enjoyed the encounter.

'_What is so strange about him? Why can I not let this rest? I shall have to speak with Dr. Mizuno this weekend, even if it means going to her hospital to do it.'_

* * *

"I think I know what I want to make Kuryakin-sensei," said Hotaru, as she settled in to her desk the following Thursday.

"For your art project?" asked her teacher, as he was going over her review sheets.

She nodded.

"What?"

"A tea cup. A really nice one. Traditional Japanese, no handle, but with a lid."

"What a great idea! Let's go to the workshop for a minute," he said, as got up and ushered her out of The Blue Room. "Do you want to do this tea cup in ceramic?"

"You know about cloisonné?"

"Sure. I'm set up for that. Here's a piece I did a while back."

He showed her a vase of his own design and she thought it was incredibly nice. She loved the way he'd mixed the colors and the shading was very well done.

"This is what I want to try."

He looked surprised, but impressed.

"You seriously wish to try this?

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei."

"A cloisonné teacup? I mean, look here," he said as he held the vase very close to her. "These shading and color gradients? They're very hard to do right. You'll have to practice it. The lattice framing is very tedious work. Even something as simple as a tea cup can be very involved …"

He discussed the whole process with her, and it did sound pretty complicated.

"If you start this, you must finish it. I won't let you quit. It can't be sloppy, either. If it's from one of my students, it has to be near perfect. Are you serious about this?"

She nodded, not because she had yet grasped how hard this would be, but because it was for Setsuna, and she had made up her mind to do something challenging. He was thinking deeply for a minute about whether he could tutor her in a complicated art form on top of everything else he needed to teach her.

"All right, then," he said quietly "What kind of design do you want to put on it?"

"A swan," she said.

"Ah, yes," he smiled, remembering their first lunch together.

Hotaru slowly reached into her pocket, got out a piece of paper, unfolded it and shyly handed it to him. It was the design she wanted on the cup drawn in colored pencil. It was very well done, but simple enough that she just might be able to bring it off.

"That's very nice, Hotaru-kun," he said. He could see this must be pretty important to her. "Okay then, we'll try this. Now we can't fall behind in your studies, but … I like people who set high goals for themselves. Let me see what I have lying around here."

He opened up some cabinets and got out a few boxes. As he rummaged through them, he said, "Okay, how about this? I'll have to handle machining the underlying metal cup, and later on, the electroplating. We'll start with a copper cup. I can do that this week end. We'll use the laser engraver" – he indicated a big machine in the corner – "to put the pattern on it. The rest is going to be all you. I can burn the pattern in deep so it'll be easier to keep the framework sharp and clean. The cup enamel will be black, but we'll add flowers, put a little border around the swan maybe? And use gradients and transparencies. Of course, we'll electroplate the exposed frame with gold … no, wait, I've got a little platinum, that'll look better, and then we'll plate the inside of the cup with gold. Yeah."

Hotaru was frowning now. He was talking about gold and platinum – _what was he doing with stuff like that anyway?_ - and she had not thought anything about cost.

"Kuryakin-sensei, those are precious metals. I can't … afford … much." _'Or anything, since I don't have much in the way of pocket money.'_

"Oh, please, Hotaru-kun, don't even worry about that. First of all, it doesn't take much to plate something, and I have a sufficient amount of scrap lying around. I do work like this all the time, for fun. I'm involved in a very challenging automobile restoration project right now, in fact. Second, if it's a gift for someone, but especially your Setsuna-momma," he said looking sly, "it has to be the very best you can do, right?"

She nodded.

"Then consider it my contribution to a most worthy idea. Only don't tell her, because this has to be from you."

He began putting the boxes away, and Hotaru, seizing the moment, decided to ask something directly.

"What do you think of her?" she asked, watching him closely.

"Of Miss Meioh?" he said, nonchalantly as he locked the cabinet doors. He paused for a minute, and she wasn't quite sure why, but she wondered if he was summoning rigid control of himself.

"I think she's a very fine woman. I wonder if you know how _very_, _very_ lucky you are to have her as your guardian. I know of people, orphans like you, who weren't nearly so fortunate. It's very fitting that you want to do something difficult to show your love for her."

"Can I make the flowers garnet red?"

"Like her eyes, huh? Absolutely, but let's add some blue ones, like the ones I did on the vase."

"Oh yes, that'll be so nice."

"As I said, you'll have to practice a few things first," he said, trying to think of a way to incorporate this into her lessons. "We'll work on it a little bit every day you're here, and we should be able to get it done in time."

"It's okay if you have to cancel a field trip. I really want to make this right."

"I won't do that," Kuryakin said very firmly, as he led her down o the Blue Room. "The field trips are integral to the way I work." As they walked, she realized something. The few moments that he and Setsuna shared the other day notwithstanding, he would never explicitly reveal anything of how really felt about her, out of professionalism. Anything he did feel about Setsuna would have to be kept in check until he was no longer obligated. And in fact, Setsuna for other reasons would be under similar duress. Hotaru increasingly wondered if maybe, just maybe, Setsuna's demand for discretion concerning 'personal matters' was about more than just protecting their identities as Sailor Senshi.

'_I wonder what he really thinks of her?'_ she thought as she got back to work. For herself, she was beginning to fancy the idea of them getting together very much.

'_There is always something you can do.'_

* * *

Thus went the education of Hotaru Tomoe. Every day of lessons saw her mind getting sharper, her talents developing, her confidence building, and her art project nearing completion. She was asking more questions than ever, and Kuryakin somehow managed to satisfy her curiosity enough while still keeping her on the unofficial timetable. Most important of all, there had been no more seizures. Every day she'd come home and explain all she'd learned to Setsuna, who was not only willing but highly interested to know what she'd been taught, and always with a quick inquiry into how her teacher was doing and a self-reminder that, even though she was busier than ever, she really needed to talk to Dr. Mizuno, and perhaps Ami, too. Then Haruka and Michiru would arrive for dinner, and a quiet evening at home –or not, depending on what they had going on. Hotaru would do her homework. If the next day was not a lesson day, she would have numerous review and preparatory sheets that she was specifically ordered not to start until the next day, but she would start them anyway. The Wednesday in between her Tuesday and Thursday lesson was 'the blah day.' Either she would either tag along with Setsuna, or sometimes go with Haruka and Michiru, and bring her work with her. The Friday after the Thursday lesson was filled with anticipation for the weekend, but it too was 'a blah day' until early afternoon when Setsuna's classes were finished.

If the next day was a lesson day, Hotaru would try to get to sleep early. At first, the area of town where _Juku-PK_ was depressed her; lately, it was beginning to grow on her. There was a park nearby, though it was not one of the nicer city parks, it was made pleasant by the company of her teacher. Some of the neighborhood characters now recognized her. The tall and intimidating man she was walking with meant there was no fear of anything bad happening even though the neighborhood was semi-rough. And besides, she was Sailor Saturn. 'Nuff said.

Of all the things she was accomplishing, Kuryakin was most amazed by, and proudest of, her work on the tea cup. She patiently practiced painting color gradients and transparencies on small pieces of unbaked enamel, until she understood the way the paint would soak into the glass frit. Most difficult of all was learning how to lay down the wire lattice on the gum paste that held it in place. Flat surfaces were hard enough, but the cup was a curved surface. He would not allow her to begin work on the cup proper until he saw she knew what she was doing. She learned quickly, and one day he let her begin on the lid. Convinced by that she was going to be able to handle the rest, he let her proceed with making the cup. The framing pattern was intricate for this first piece. The physical tedium of the work was difficult for her, often making her stiff and tired. Yet, his first obligation to her education notwithstanding, Kuryakin let her do the day's work on it first thing, so she could put her best energies of the day into it. Apparently, she thought, acts of charity and gift-giving rated higher than learning to him. In this, she came to feel he was right. Day by day, she whiled away at it, but kept up with her lessons just the same. She learned fast, as only someone who loved deeply could, and Kuryakin found himself increasingly charmed by this quirky girl's "shine."

The day of the final firing for the cup, he had a surprise for her. He had been so impressed by her efforts he'd made a matching saucer to go with it. The center depression for holding the cup was plated in gold, and the depressions around it had a wreath of flowers duplicated from Hotaru's work. When he showed it to her, he had been worried that she might see this as stealing her thunder, but Hotaru was genuinely, even unusually, happy about it. The cup looked as good as she had imagined, but the saucer made it 'complete.' She insisted that his part in this be given as a separate gift from himself to Setsuna. When he seemed to balk at this, she got a sly look on her face. After a bit more wrangling, he finally agreed, though he now seemed nervous about it.

This marked the moment when a vague, on-again-off-again sense that Kuryakin-sensei might have feelings for her Setsuna-momma became a very careful, even analytical, tallying under an explicit category: Evidence He Likes Her. This saucer was definitely worth one checked box, and possibly two. His reaction was worth another. Hotaru spent lunch that day thinking about Setsuna-momma's behavior over the last few months, and by the time she was done eating and went to feed the fish, quite a few boxes under the heading "Evidence She Likes Him" had been ticked off as well. Another thought crossed her mind at this point. She had become convinced by Kuryakin's almost doting manner that, push come to shove, there was nothing she couldn't talk him into doing – if she handled it carefully. She was immediately embarrassed by this thought, and vowed just as quickly that, if this were true, she would never, ever abuse this power in any way.

'_Or would I? Maybe there were times where it wouldn't be wrong, exactly? … Hmmm.'_

After lunch, it was time to fire the enamel. Kuryakin showed her how to do it, then had her put on some safety equipment, and guided her through the process. She was very happy he let her do this because it meant one more thing she could say she had done herself. After the cup had cooled, Kuryakin turned it down to a nicely tapered width on a lathe using diamond sandpaper pads. Then he began the polishing process. Hotaru watched, and underneath her dust mask, her smile got bigger and bigger as the cup became smoother and shinier. She had done a really clean, even professional, job. She had finished well ahead of schedule, even before midterms. Most important of all, she, the Senshi of Destruction, had created something instead. Setsuna's birthday was over two weeks away, on a Saturday. She beamed as she imagined presenting the gift to her.

Kuryakin then said it was time to begin the electroplating of the exposed metal in the frame. This was done in a small, enclosed chamber within the workshop. She had never really noticed it before, and now she saw it had a door that could be sealed. Hotaru had not thought of it until this moment, but she recalled that plating with precious metals involved the use of some very dangerous chemicals. One of them was a cyanide solution, and even if one was protected from contact with it, there was still a danger. In the event it accidentally became acidified, it would produce cyanide gas, which made a mask necessary.

"Now as you're probably aware …" he began.

"This is really a dangerous process," she finished.

He nodded, smiling.

"And that chamber over there with the sealed door …"

"Is where I do that," he said, finishing her sentence this time. "If you'd like to see it happen, we can, I think, risk it this one time."

Kuryakin put on protective gear, and then beckoned Hotaru over and began doing the same for her. The gas mask fit well enough. And it seemed to be quite new. He had bought it just for her, she surmised. The rest was, frankly, just a bit big for her, but Kuryakin adjusted things well enough that she was quite safe, but also free to move and get near enough to watch very closely. As he worked away at adjusting her gear, she wondered if an industrial process like this wasn't a more dangerous thing than any individual should allowed to do _at home_. But this was also a "school" of sorts, and when they went in to the chamber – there was barely enough room- she saw Kuryakin had taken the additional precaution of mounting the electroplating equipment within a container that could, like the chamber itself, be sealed.

After he closed the container up, he turned on an internal lighting array of some special kind that made the small bits of plating accreting on the framework glow. "Like a bunch of little fireflies," he said, as she peered through the window in the container. Beneath the mask, she smiled, and then he lectured her on the details and types of electrochemical plating processes. This particular version was known as inertial, parallel-plate, fine particle deposition plating. It was the same process used to make circuit boards and semi-conductors, which, so Kuryakin said, he preferred for its accurate, consistent and uniform results. Hotaru began taking mental notes, knowing this would be on a test at some point. The electroplating would proceed automatically, and so, satisfied everything was working fine, he ushered her out of the chamber. Hotaru wondered if this was wise, and Kuryakin explained that in addition to the double barrier, he had, within and without, installed special, wide-spectrum alarms that would alert him at once if anything went amiss. At that point, Hotaru was pretty sure Kuryakin-sensei had either gotten special permission from some government office to do this sort of thing, or was pushing the letter and the spirit of some law that restricted this to the breaking point. Surely, the former was the case – especially considering that he was responsible for her safety, but every now and then, she got the feeling that he was a risk-taker, possibly to the point of recklessness.

After he closed the door on the chamber, they began taking off their protective gear. When Hotaru got her mask off, she said, "For Christmas, I want to make a vase that my Setsuna-momma, Haruka-poppa, and Michiru-momma can all enjoy."

"Okay, but a vase is going to be about seven times more work."

"I want to do one just like the one you did."

"You may not finish in time," he said, with a hint of both caution and challenge in his voice.

"I will," she said without hesitation.

He looked down at her, smirked and finally said, "You're really something, Hotaru-kun," as they began walking toward the Blue Room. She loved that look - that _'clever girl'_ look- he was giving her right now. As they got to the Blue Room and she sat down to begin systematizing the notes she'd taken, Hotaru wondered if she'd ever been happier in all her life.

~ 17 ~


	8. Chapter 04 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

(A Sailor Moon Fan story)

**By Phoenix2772**

* * *

**Chapter 004-This is This and That is That**

**(Part 1)**

* * *

_Bonum est diffusivum sui_

(The Good pours itself out.)

**Thomas Aquinas **

* * *

"All desire is a desire _to be-"_

**René Girard**

* * *

"The crowd is untruth."

**- Soren Kierkegaard**

* * *

Early one Friday afternoon, Haruka and Michiru left to spend a weekend at a mountain resort in the north of Japan, where, so their 'sources' told them, the autumnal _koyo_ front was on the move, and a spectacular leaf changing season was underway. They headed to the airport for the flight to Hokkaido, where they intended to rent a car, and drive to Asahidake Onsen, a small hot spring resort in Daisetsuzan National Park. In order to have plenty of time to enjoy the week end, they had decided to skip school and return home on Monday. Their private school allowed them a number of sick days, and since they were rarely sick, they intended to get the use of them in other ways.

"I wonder if they'll notice that we always seem to be sick at the same time and usually on Fridays, Mondays or both?" Michiru asked thoughtfully as their plane took off.

"Do we really care?" asked Haruka, casually.

They looked at each other, and came to same silent conclusion:

'_Nah.' _

* * *

Having been given sufficient warning, Hotaru's tutor had adjusted his plans accordingly, and picked her up that Monday morning. He seemed only too happy to do this and Hotaru thought she had a pretty good grasp of why. If she was right, today he would be very chipper indeed; Setsuna was going to hitch a ride to classes with them. For that, he would need to pick them both up much earlier than usual, and he arrived even earlier still. Setsuna and Hotaru came out, and he greeted them and opened the trunk door so Hotaru could stash her violin, book bag, and brief case. Setsuna said she would keep her things up front.

"Very good. So, Miss Meioh, do you have a license?" he asked, very deferentially.

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"Do you know how to get to K.O. using the Aqua-line?" he asked.

"Yes, of course."

"Would you like to drive?"

"Why?" she asked, puzzled by this odd suggestion.

"Hotaru has mentioned that you use The Koneko-chan Taxi Service and City Transit quite often. I thought perhaps you might enjoy being in the driver's seat for a change."

"If one is sufficiently well-organized," she replied, "and the transit employees are not utterly incompetent, it is easier to get around without a car. I prefer it because it allows me time to study while going to and fro. In fact, I intended to peruse one of my textbooks en route ..."

"Perhaps I could read it to you as we go?" he suggested.

Stranger still, but when in direct contact with this man, she always felt a little off-balance.

"That is quite all right. Are you not worried about liabilities?"

"My insurance covers someone else driving and I'm not worried in the least, as I'm sure you're very careful. Please," he said, extending his hand toward the driver's side door.

"I shall be happy to drive. It will be a nice change."

"Wonderful. You'll take us to K.O. and I'll take over after that."

She nodded, and he opened the driver's side door for her. She got in, deciding that he was being deferential, giving her control of the situation to make her more comfortable. Odd, but somewhat charming, this man. She adjusted the seat, buckled up and started familiarizing herself with the controls. She started it up as Kuryakin helped Hotaru into the passenger side and buckled her in. Hotaru, too, found this whole affair slightly odd.

'_Is he up to something?'_ The Pupil wondered.

Setsuna heard another door shut, put the vehicle in gear, said "so then, here we go," and began driving away. At once, Hotaru began eyeing her curiously.

"Setsuna-momma?" said Hotaru, with a little smile, after they'd reached the end of the driveway, and Setsuna was checking both ways for traffic.

"Yes, Hotaru?"

"You've forgotten something."

She pulled out onto the road as she said, "Have I? I admit I am not anything like the driver Haruka is, but this vehicle has an automatic transmission and the controls are simple enough."

"Yes, you are driving impeccably, but Kuryakin-sensei won't be able to appreciate it much."

"Oh? Why not?" she asked. Then she looked in the rearview mirror and saw that she and Hotaru were the only ones in the van.

"Oh … oh, dear …"

She pulled over to turn around and was waiting for a couple of cars in the oncoming lane to pass when her cell phone started ringing. She got it out and answered it.

"Moshi, mosh … Oh, … I am sorry."

"Quite all right, Miss Meioh," said Kuryakin into his cell phone, as he strolled down the driveway to its junction with the main road. "I did sort of wonder what was going on for a moment, but then I realized I am easy to misplace."

"But I heard the door …"

"I was shutting the trunk," he said.

"I am turning around, at once."

"I'm not sure we should risk that," he said. "Just wait right there. I can see you now, and I'll be there in a moment."

He was chuckling about this, but he made sure to get it out of his system before reaching the van; this was a time to tread carefully.

A minute (and twenty two seconds) later, Setsuna could see him in the rearview mirror, loping casually down the slope to where she had pulled off. She got out and said, "I am sorry. Perhaps you should drive."

"No, no. I'm truly sorry that I put you in an unfamiliar situation and caused you embarrassment. I am perfectly confident you can get us where we need to go," he said as he ushered her back to the driver's seat. This time she waited until she could see him in the rearview mirror sitting in the middle of the second seat before putting the van in gear and taking off. Using his pass, they took the Aqua-line toll route, the tunnel / bridge combination that crossed Tokyo Bay. The artificial island where the bridge ended and the tunnel began was called _Umi-Hotaru_, and he told his student he "liked her island very much." Hotaru had, of course, noticed the name many times when driving the route with Haruka. The island was designed to look like a luxury ocean liner's superstructure, and was quite aesthetically well done. After negotiating the turns, and the toll booth, they plunged into the tunnel under the bay. A few minutes later they passed under _Kaze-no-to_, another artificial Island, which housed the twin ventilation shafts that used Tokyo Bay's constant winds to keep the tunnels supplied with fresh air. They emerged from the tunnel in the City of Kawasaki, and headed for Tokyo, where they arrived at K.O. University just in time for Setsuna to make her first class. As she got out and he took over the driver's seat, she apologized again for leaving him behind.

"Miss Meioh, I don't know what you're talking about," he said, as he handed over her book bag and briefcase. "I hope you have a wonderful day. Have you got everything?"

"Yes, thank you," she said with a tiny smile. "Hotaru, do well."

"Yes, Setsuna-momma."

He closed the door, and he and Hotaru began the drive to his studio. After a few blocks had past, she looked at him.

"Kuryakin-sensei, may I ask you something?"

"Always, Hotaru-kun."

"Didn't you find that the least bit funny?"

Kuryakin checked the mirror to make absolutely certain Miss Meioh couldn't possibly see them and then said, "Yes," and laughing heartily, as Hotaru joined in. The way his laughter trailed off with a wistful sigh tinged with the slightest hint of sadness was telling.

"Okay," he said firmly, "we've had our fun. Now, you must never, ever tell her about this. As of right now, it never happened."

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," said Hotaru, as she debated whether the whole affair was worth ticking off another box.

* * *

Haruka and Michiru had a few hours to go before catching their flight back to Tokyo. Their sources had not lied, and the foliage was glorious. They'd had a wonderful weekend, hiking through the park, spending some time in the hot springs bath, and on Sunday, walking up the ropeway to the final station and then setting out for the summit of Mt. Asahidake. They made what should have been a two hour climb in half the time, and then rested and had lunch, and Michiru took pictures of Haruka sitting as close to the smoking volcanic vents as she dared to get.

Now they sat alone in the hot spring bath on Monday morning talking quietly.

"So you think 'Chaos returning to everyone's minds' means that the way we fight could change?" said Michiru lazily. They had been talking about this, off and on, all weekend.

"It'll have to. Before, we fought alone. Rarely saw each other. Now we're all together, here, as a group. We've even fought along side the Inner Planet Senshi. We will face challenges more personal in nature. We might have to wrestle with ourselves as much as with an enemy. Fight in ways we are not used to. Self-control might be as important as magical powers."

"Self-control?" Michiru said amusedly. "This, from someone who hits on anything remotely female?"

"Hey, you asked. If you're gonna joke about it …"

Michiru put a lazy hand to Haruka's face.

"So then, it will mean we have to be more sensitive to the things in the lives of those we care about?" Michiru asked.

"Possibly," Haruka said, smiling. "Chaos is still an enemy in some way. It will attack any way it can. I don't like sticking my nose in other people's business, but we might have to from time to time."

"Why?"

"To understand the tensions inside someone that Chaos might amplify. Or suppress."

"I see," said Michiru. "You've thought a lot about this."

"Not by choice, Michiru."

"Do you have something going on inside of you want to tell me about?"

"You're the only thing going on inside of me," she smiled. Then after a pause, she asked, "Does it really bug you when I flirt with all those cute, little kittens out there?"

"No. Haruka, I don't deceive myself into thinking you don't really mean it. On some level, you actually do, but I don't worry about it, because, ultimately, I trust you. And I trust … us."

"Us? You mean you don't think anyone could ever … replace you."

"I mean that we are meant to be together, and that nothing can change that. I let you go, knowing you'll come back before you would really do anything to hurt me."

"If it starts bothering you," Haruka said quite casually, "you should say something."

"Well," she replied, as she reached up and warmly kissed Haruka's cheek, "I don't think that part of you can ever be changed."

"Yeah."

* * *

Later that morning, Kuryakin had left the Blue Room to get lunch ready, while Hotaru sat basking in the glow of some lamps she had brought in for decoration. She was also basking in the glow of the "coolest history lesson ever" as she started work on the review sheet for it.

This lesson was _serious_ World History, to which his talk about the Fall of Rome was a mere appetizer. It began with a wide ranging talk involving far-reaching, ancient extrapolations from genetics, archeology, linguistics, astronomy, paleoclimatology, and a host of other fields attempting to create a coherent picture of man's wandering upon the earth. It covered all of the current scholarship on human migration patterns beginning with the origins of _Homo sapiens sapiens_ in east Africa about 160,000 years ago. There were many "this is what I think" comments from her tutor. If he weren't such a genuine individual, she could think he enjoyed playing the iconoclast.

The first really fascinating part was the way one ice age had created a vast, impenetrable desert belt stretching from the west coast of Africa all the way to the eastern tip of Siberia around 85,000 years ago. It prevented any migration up the Levantine in the direction of Europe, and forced human migration out of Africa to follow the coastline of the Indian Ocean. The next fascinating part was the volcanic "super eruption" of Mt. Toba in Sumatra about 74,000 years ago, which created a caldera 50 by 80 miles, caused a volcanic winter that lasted six years, and accelerated an ice age that lasted for a millennium. Some scholars, scientists and researchers believed that the human population was reduced to less than 10,000 adults by this cataclysm. She was going to read several articles tonight covering the different positions taken by scientists and scholars within and across different fields concerning how accurate this was. The thought of this devastating extinction struck a strangely familiar chord in her memory and she wondered if, somehow, in that distant past, her Senshi alter ego had been responsible for that.

Also fascinating was the way in which the breaking of ice ages and global warm-ups helped the human race spread across the earth, the way recurring ice ages altered or slowed this progress, and how there were once little groups of humans trapped in icebound refuges during the last glacial maximum 20,000 years ago. When she thought about what it might be like during each of these times, the storyteller in her could imagine some very interesting tales.

Kuryakin-sensei summed it all up by lapsing into a deep reflection on human history as a whole. He said many things that she would have to "process" but he ended it with these words: "All of this is, to varying degrees, speculative, but think of it, Hotaru-kun! We are borne upon a sea of the blood, sweat and tears of our forebears. And that includes the blood of countless innocents and martyrs, the sweat of countless slaves, the tears of countless widows and orphans. We who live this very day are the beneficiaries of more tragedy, sacrifice and suffering than we can begin to imagine. It is not ours to alter that, but only to try to put it to good service. _'We can not hallow this ground. ... It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here ...'_"

Kuryakin was definitely in an expansive mood, and so, convinced that enough time had passed since his little lecture on the fall of the Roman Empire, she felt it was time to press him on that little teaser about how kingdoms came about. In her quiet times, that digression that had come to dominate her thoughts like nothing else, and his words about 'the blood of innocents' triggered her desire to ask more strongly than ever. It also seemed like an appropriate time for a little test of her theory about being able to talk him into anything.

"Kuryakin-sensei?" she asked.

"Yes, Hotaru-kun?"

"How and why do kingdoms come about?" she asked in a voice that was, she hoped, perfectly balanced between supplicating and offhandedly curious.

"Ah," he said smiling. "You remember that, huh?"

She nodded and smiled shyly.

'_How to handle this?' _he thought, for a moment. "Well, we need to finish up our regular lesson, but I'm going to give you this much. And, I think I'll start by explaining why I am only going to give you this much. Remember that little talk about what truth is? My point was it isn't just a fact to be apprehended and mentally assented to; it's participatory: it's something you live. That being the case, what I'm about to say may _or may not_ resonate within you. Or it might not resonate now but will sometime in the future, or perhaps it never will. You'll have to come to a lot of this on your own, and you may end up seeing it in a largely different way than I do. So remember, _this_ …"

"…is what _you_ think," she jumped in, finishing the sentence for him.

"Yes indeed, precocious one," he smiled slyly. "Okay, first of all, the why. The _why_ is quite simple: to overcome death. At bottom, it's what language, law, marriage, custom, taboo, culture, tribe, kingdom, empire, even love and war - everything, in fact, has always been about. Always," he reiterated firmly, his eyes flashing. He took out a pen and notepad and began writing some things down. Whatever information he was about to give her would, she assumed, pertain to his first statement. Then he continued.

"It's the _how_ that's been so … interesting. You know many of the founding legends of many ancient cultures. But that is, one might say, the self-promoting, 'rah-rah us', official line. And so, somewhat counter-intuitively, it was not science, but a certain school of literary criticism that happened upon what I think is a very interesting phenomenon. In all these founding legends there are similar threads, which when analyzed leads to an idea that I find very compelling. I think there two things that drive human history the most: first, as you might guess, a fear of mortality. That's the big one. The other one is envy, and really those two things are deeply connected. To cut to the chase: of what would one be more envious than something … eternal?

If this literary phenomenon has been interpreted correctly, every major, ancient human culture was built upon what might be called a founding death. In every case, it seems to involve the designation of a scapegoat. Think here of Oedipus Rex, or Pentheus in the Dionysiac Myths, or Tiamat in the Enuma Elish, or the Vedic Myth of Perusha. Empires are founded over an extended period of time. 'Rome wasn't built in a day,' as the saying goes. The compelling idea is that everyone of these myths is in fact describing a series of trajectories, periods of great and dangerous social crisis, which are resolved when some person or, more likely, a small group thought to be the cause of the social discord, is singled out. And it is by the oppression, or the expulsion or even the killing of this group, that what we can only call a social catharsis is achieved and order is restored. Now there is a very important reason why these myths are written as myths, instead of as plain, narrative histories, and it has to do with the guilt of the scapegoat …"

The content of what he was saying was beyond fascinating to her, but as he talked, Hotaru took passing note that his voice had, once again, taken on that peculiar quality. When he wasn't teaching, his tone was good-natured, stunningly knowledgeable and as inoffensively paternal as one could hope for in the voice of one for whom many of the major questions of life largely settled. When he was teaching, he kept his tone smooth, didactic and business-like. But now, he was speaking not as someone informing her of a conjecture, but almost like someone remembering something, as if he'd actually seen this happen. Where did this come from, this voice of experience, of some otherworldly authority? Setsuna-momma had similar inflections in her voice, though only someone who knew her well (a category so sparsely populated, it was nigh non-existent) would ever notice it.

"… and as to why, in more modern times, it became harder and harder and finally impossible to found a 'kingdom' in that way," he said, finishing up, "well, … this should get you started."

He continued to write for a minute or so. Then, when he came over to hand her the paper, he balked for a moment. He was, she thought, wondering whether these were ideas to which she ought to be introduced. She said nothing, trusting him to remember his promise to not underestimate her, and his 'duty' –so he called it, to satisfy her thirst for knowledge. After another moment's pause, he handed her the paper. She examined it. The list of people she ought to look up and things she ought to read to follow out this line of inquiry was heavy on anthropology and comparative mythology, especially on what he labeled "foundational myths," and on what was labeled literary analysis and criticism of those myths. A few authors of books on the subject were mentioned, none of whom she recognized. He had put dates by the book titles, indicating that most were of recent authorship. He had underlined a couple and she took this to mean those particular authors really got to the heart of it.

"You can check this stuff tonight, _after_ your homework is done," he stressed. "Now let's finish this lesson."

She nodded obediently and got back to work, but it would be hard to describe exactly how this little discussion impacted Hotaru Tomoe. This was all heady stuff for her. It would have been exciting on that basis alone, but more than that had happened here. Much more. In the talk about Rome, Kuryakin's aside about how Rome's ruins were, in fact, ruins and the pleasure he took in that was what prompted her to ask him for his thoughts on the nature of truth itself. That marked the first time he'd ever said anything to which her Senshi-self directly and immediately responded. It was happening again. She didn't quite know why, but she did know one thing: she was a respectful and noble girl; she would govern herself, do her work, and honor her teacher's careful labors on her behalf as well as the sacrifices of her guardians in providing her with the special time of deep learning. But from this day on, her every free moment would be spent figuring out why it suddenly felt as if the guardian spirit within her had been set on fire.

Thus, the rest of the lesson proper was something of a come down. It was about the Milankovitch cycles, and how they correlated with the ice ages they had discussed at the beginning of the lecture. Always strong in Astronomy, Hotaru understood this very well. The review sheet for the lesson material they had just covered would be filled out in short order. After that, lunch awaited: Italian, to judge from the pleasant smell wafting into the room. She had eaten little at breakfast that day and was famished. But she hardly noticed now, for the hunger in her belly was a pale though apt metaphor for the deeper craving that had been exposed this day. She couldn't wait to get home.

* * *

Setsuna was sitting in her office at Juuban Elementary, typing on her laptop computer. It had been a quiet few hours. Thankfully, the outbreak of sickness never materialized, or she would have been quite busy. Instead, she had one customer, a third grade girl who ate something for lunch that must have disagreed with her. She had no fever, so Nurse Meioh gave her an antacid and let her rest until she felt better. After taking care of that and her regular duties, there was time for her to work on her term paper. She had just finished the footnotes for a major analysis section, when, as often happened these days, she became distracted, and paused, looking thoughtful.

Hotaru had been taking lessons for over seven weeks now and it was clear that as far as her education was concerned, the tutor had been an excellent idea. He was rounding out her education and filling in the gaps with great efficiency. His plan to regiment and sharpen Hotaru's mind to the point where she simply would not stress out at all during tests was going well. She was learning as much as any school could teach her and in 2/3rds the time. This boded well for the midterm exams she would take in the middle of next week.

Hotaru seemed quite happy these days, too. Her periodic moodiness had evaporated, replaced by a sense of direction, purpose, expectation and even delight. Setsuna smiled at the thought of the very intense and studious look on Hotaru's face when working on those –well crafted, she had to admit - lesson pages: pencil in mouth -a habit she'd wish Hotaru could break- eyes flickering between a heavenward look of deep thought, sudden flashes of enlightenment, and gleeful, smiling determined attention to her papers as she scribbled away. Hotaru explained the glee this way: while doing one page, ostensibly on a certain, specific topic, she would have to answer questions that were tangentially relevant to the topic, but whose answers she knew but only because she'd paid very close attention during a prior lesson that technically was on a completely different subject. Kuryakin emphasized thoroughness in all her lessons precisely because of this. She thought she was learning about one thing; she was really learning about several. In part, this was what it meant to 'teach by induction,' and she took great delight in how effective it was and how easily she'd taken to it.

'_All well and good,'_ thought Setsuna.

However, it was not yet clear that they were getting to the root of the problem, whatever that was. The main point of hiring Kuryakin was that he seemed pretty sure he could solve the mystery of her seizures. At times, Setsuna wondered if they hadn't made too much of it, and that it was just something natural- insofar as anything for a magical Sailor Senshi could be. Still, even if it was natural, the problem was manifesting itself at 'awkward' times, and attracting unwanted attention. It would be best in every way, she reminded herself, to solve the problem, if it was a problem.

There was also a slight feeling of inadequacy that Setsuna had noticed lately. Turning Hotaru's problem over to an outsider, no matter how competent, seemed tantamount to an admission that, in some way, they had been insufficient to task of raising her. No one could have foreseen the problem, and even the Sailor Senshi had their limitations, but Setsuna missed the camaraderie of herself and Haruka and Michiru fretting over the needs of the burgeoning life in their care. In fact, the longer she thought about it, the more she missed it. She was well aware of her own motherly streak, a painful thing to have when she considered that she might never have a child of her own. She was the unofficial den mother of the Senshi, and in some ways, that was mothering enough to keep anyone happy. The school nurse job was a wonderful outlet for it, too, but she had not quite appreciated how much she enjoyed even the hardest parts of raising Hotaru. She took justifiable pride in Kuryakin's praise for how well-behaved, intelligent and charming Hotaru was and their liberality in accepting the responsibility in the first place.

And there were still the mystery – she was sure there was one- of the tutor himself. So many things about him just didn't fit, but she had relaxed a bit in her desire to puzzle that out. The few half-hearted attempts to get a hold of Ami Mizuno's mother, or even to talk to Ami herself, had been buried under coursework and her duty at Juuban Elementary school. Whatever the causes, she was willing to let things lie for now.

A break was in order. She went down the hall and got some juice from the vending machines. As she cracked open the bottle, she heard the sound of an ambulance off in the distance, and … no, it was more than one. Many more. She headed back to her office. It was 3:12 (and fifteen seconds) in the afternoon, and her phone was ringing.

The ambulances were headed to a bad multi-car pile up on Highway 1. It had involved seventeen vehicles including two tour busses filled with foreign tourists. The second wave of injured was already being routed away from an overflowing Juuban General Hospital to Juuban Secondary General, and an emergency call had gone out for any doctors and nurses, especially any who knew European languages, to get there at once. Setsuna spoke perfect English, excellent French and passable Spanish -as well as more than a few languages that weren't around anymore- so she could be of some use to them. She'd told them she'd get there, right after she made a phone call.

* * *

"Hotaru-kun, look at this phrase and tell me which notes are the most important?"

The two of them were in the music room, her with her violin, Kuryakin at the piano.

"_Most_ important, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Yes. These notes are 'headed somewhere,' as it were. While every note is sacred, some are more important to the goal than others. Now what do you think the goal of this passage is?"

She pointed with her bow to an obvious cadence point, and he said, "Good, now listen …"

He played the passage on the piano.

"Now, there, I gave every note equal weight. Now listen again."

He played the same passage this time very expressively, and then again, slowing it down and over exaggerating some of the notes.

"Michiru-momma talks about this, but she uses different terms."

"How does she put it?"

"She likens it to Haruka-poppa driving a race. The important notes are where she makes a turn or some other important thing happens."

"Ah, okay. See these dotted eighth / sixteenths here and here and here? Those sixteenths drive the passage to the dotted eighth notes on the beats that follow, and you have to create that sense that some notes are driving toward others, all the while staying in tempo."

Hotaru began playing, and then repeated the passage, trying different emphases, then stopping and shaking her head.

"That one was really good, I liked that," Kuryakin said, after she had looked thoughtful, and then played the passage one last time.

"Michiru-momma has me play it a bit differently."

"That's all right. Learning how different people interpret a piece will enable you to think about your own interpretations later on. Now then, let's go all the way to the end."

They finished up the piece, and Kuryakin looked quite satisfied. Hopefully, Miss Kaioh would be pleased at her progress, too.

"Kuryakin-sensei?" Hotaru asked as she loosened her bow.

"Yes?"

"What is so great about Mozart?"

"Do you mean you can sense the greatness, but don't know why, or you don't understand why he is considered, over so many others, to be so great?"

"A little of both," she said after a moment's thought.

"Okay, this is one of those 'this is what I think' things, understood?"

She nodded.

"Mozart is the master of a musical ambiguity that is almost divine. His music can morph through a dozen emotions in just a few passages. There is a wholeness to him that is almost god-like. Especially in his operas. What are we to make of the deplorable womanizer and murderer _Don Giovanni_? Should we laugh? Should we cry? Both? Neither? In the second act finale of _Don Giovanni_, the Don drinks a toast to women and wine; Elvira, the woman he has used and dumped, and whose father he has murdered, begs him to acknowledge her suffering and repent his crimes; and his servant Leporello tells everyone what a hard hearted man his master is - all three are singing, each clearly as individuals, yet unified in Mozart's trio. All of humanity is present there: good, evil and indifferent."

"Kuryakin-sensei, is it true that Mozart was a manic depressive?"

"I don't know how anyone would ever prove that. He was buried in a common grave, which was common practice in Vienna at the time, so it would be hard to identify his body. It's all conjecture at best. However, I certainly think it's true that artists – and I mean the real thing, not the dilettantes, the wannabes who strike poses – suffer from what I like to call 'the re-entry problem.' Like a rocket, they soar up into the stratospheres of creativity, and sit like a god, creating their own universes. But what goes up, must come down. The higher you soar, the longer the fall. In the most ingenious of them all, the re-entry can be a crash and burn. Of course, there are exceptions like Mendelssohn, Dvorak, and Stravinsky, who were very creative, yet very stable, even business-like, but they only emphasize the point. Our lives are contingent and so the mundane always intrudes. Mozart wrote, arguably, the finest music ever heard, and yet he had to eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. To judge from his music, especially his operas, no composer appreciated these ironies of human existence better. His music encapsulates high and the low, the elite and the common, even, one might say, the angelic and the demonic, every range and depth of human feeling and circumstance. No one ever did it better than him."

"Hmmm."

"Okay, since I'm driving you home today we'll need to pack up, and head out early."

She began putting her violin away.

"Now, midterms are coming up. We'll start reviewing for them next time. You've come far enough on the vase, we'll be able to leave off for a while and still finish on time. Oh, I have …"

He was interrupted by his cell phone ringing.

"Moshi, moshi? Oh, Miss Meioh," he said brightly, "what can I … Oh?"

Hotaru looked up at him.

"Oh, terrible … So bring her to the hospital, then? Would it be helpful if I stayed and watched over her until the Kittens arrive? … Of course, no need to apologize, it's no bother at all. You haven't been able to reach them yet? No worries, I have nothing to do tonight that can't wait. Truly, it's my pleasure, Miss Meioh. We'll leave right away and … what's that? Certainly, I'll get her something to eat on the way. See you soon."

"What's happened, Kuryakin-sensei? Is something wrong with Setsuna-momma?"

"No, no. There's been a very bad highway accident and Juuban Secondary General Hospital has put out the call for any available doctors and nurses to come help out. Miss Meioh is rushing to save the day even as we speak, and so we'll be spending some extra time together."

This day began with the three of them together and it was going to end that way, it appeared. From the sound of it, she might not make it home until bedtime tonight, and so her desire to delve deeper into what Kuryakin had told her before lunch would have to be put on hold. It seemed just as well. After the initial rush of passionate curiosity, she realized how long the reading list she'd been given was and that she would need to examine this new line inquiry carefully and methodically. Hotaru then realized that instead she might just be able to 'take notes' and 'check boxes' and smiled at the thought of this very agreeable alternative. Whatever might be going on between Kuryakin-sensei and Setsuna-momma –she was surer than ever there was _something_ there - interested her as much as any intellectual curiosity. Neither of them could admit it, for reasons good or iffy, which made it even more fun. When it came to this topic, Hotaru felt like a combination of detective and clinical psychologist, or like a narrator doing voiceovers for a nature program where the 'mating rituals' of the subjects are described.

* * *

It was bedlam as only a hospital emergency room can do it. The maintenance staff was removing the retractable wall that separated the emergency room from the neighboring commissary to create a large triage area, a feature specifically designed for just such an event as this. A woman of medium height with short, dark, blue-tinged hair was watching the scene as the nurses and orderlies were moving stretchers and portable "donor" beds of the type used for blood donations into the room. Her confident expression suggested someone cracking their knuckles, preparing to impose order on the chaos, ruthlessly where necessary. She was Doctor Saeko Mizuno, Ami Mizuno's mother.

"Listen up! First, I want one nurse and orderly from our hospital with all of our guest physicians, to act as liaisons. Nurses you'll stay with the doctors at all times. Orderlies you'll get them anything or anyone they need …"

"Yes, doctor," said the assembled staff.

"Then …" she rattled off several more points in quick succession

The first ambulances were arriving along with several people in nursing uniforms, and a few people who were obviously doctors. Dr. Mizuno signaled them to come to her for assignment. She quickly learned the qualifications of everyone involved, and dispatched them to the triage areas where they could do the most good. She was about to start assessing patients, and realized she had assigned all the nurses elsewhere when a tall, dusky woman came walking up to her.

"I am Setsuna Meioh. What can I do to help?"

"Ah, Meioh-san, I'm Dr. Mizuno."

"Oh, yes, I have been trying to get in touch with you."

"I remember. Sorry we've been playing phone tag. Do you speak any European languages?"

"French, English and Spanish."

"They're all continentals, no English, but we're really short on good foreign language speakers, so we can definitely use you. I find myself in need of a nurse. You are registered with our emergency assistance plan?"

"Yes, Doctor."

"As of now, you're on the clock, so why don't you stick with me? We might get a moment to have that chat later."

"Excellent, Doctor. Gladly."

Setsuna's repertoire of foreign languages wasn't as useful as hoped. Most of the injured sent to Juuban Secondary General were German. Setsuna, who -it must be reiterated- was not a snob, nevertheless felt the same way about the German language as Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, who famously said, "I speak Spanish to God, French to men, Italian to women, and German to my horse." She was able to help with a few of the French nationals from that other tour bus, and some of the Germans spoke a second language that the staff had covered. Unfortunately, many of the ones who could translate for the others were in pretty bad shape, and the translation difficulties were compounded by technical terms of the medical profession. Some injuries were obvious, others less so. Dr. Mizuno, Setsuna, and the other triage doctors and nurses did their best. Their best was pretty good, but when Dr. Mizuno noticed a tall man and a very cute young lady picking their way through the confusion, she looked as though she'd just found the solution to a thorny problem.

"Oh, my. Kuryakin-kun!" Dr. Mizuno called as she ran toward them.

"Dr. Mizuno! I thought I might run into you here."

"Who's this?"

"One of my students. Hotaru Tomoe, this is Dr. Saeko Mizuno."

'_Ami-san's mother,'_ Hotaru realized as she nodded, but said nothing as Dr. Mizuno had a look of great urgency on her face.

"Kuryakin-kun, I seem to remember you speak some foreign languages."

"Including this one."

"How's your German?"

"Passable."

"You're with me," she commanded.

"Come along, Hotaru-kun," said Kuryakin, as Dr. Mizuno grabbed his arm and began energetically pulling him along.

"Miss Meioh, a pleasure, as always," he said, as he was dragged to the scene. The off-hand, though pleasant way he said that completely belied what he was really thinking at the moment. Setsuna, always striking, was even more so in a nurse's uniform. Kuryakin was wondering if the air conditioning had suddenly failed. She was standing with an anxious looking, blond woman holding a young girl to whom Dr. Mizuno now directed his attention.

"_Deustche?_" he asked.

(German?)

"_Ja,_" said the woman, a well-dressed, thirty-something professional type.

(Yes.)

"_Guten Tag,_" Kuryakin said.

(Hello, _lit._ good day.)

"_Guten Tag_," she replied.

"She seems to be okay," Dr. Mizuno whispered in Kuryakin's ear, "but we're wondering about the girl."

"Okay. _Ist das ihre Tochter?_" Kuryakin asked.

(Is this your daughter?)

"_Ja,_" said the woman, who looked very relieved to hear own language, spoken very well.

"_Ist sie verletzt?_"

(Is she hurt?)

"_Ich bin mir nicht sicher._ "

(I'm not sure.)

"_Kommen sie aus Hamburg? Ihr Akzent klingt so._ "

(You are from Hamburg? Your accent sounds like it.)

"_Ja,_" the woman smiled a bit.

"_Sie sprechen Plattdeutsch?_"

(Do you speak Lower Saxon?)

"_Ja._"

"Ooooo, Lower Saxon," he smiled, looking up at Dr. Mizuno. "I must have an informal chat with her later."

This was the first and only time Setsuna thought he might be showing off.

"_Wo sollte der Ausflug denn hingehen?_" Kuryakin continued, trying to set the woman further at ease.

(Where were you all going?)

"_Zum Tokyo Tower, wir wollten zum Aquarium und dort später noch Essen gehen._ "

(To Tokyo Tower. We were going to see the aquarium, and then have dinner there.)

"_War es ein schwerer Unfall_?"

(Was it a really bad accident?)

"_Ja, der Bus hätte sich beinahe überschlagen._ _Überall flogen Dinge umher, von denen die Leute getroffen wurden._"

(Yes, the bus nearly tipped over. Things were flying loose and hitting everyone.)

"_Verstehe, kann ich mit Ihrer Tochter sprechen?_"

(I see. May I talk to your daughter?)

"_Ja._"

"_Na meine junge Dame, wie ist denn dein Name?_" he asked, as he touched the girl's knee.

(What's your name, young lady?)

"_Ilse,_" said the girl so quietly he had to strain to hear it.

"Her name is Ilse, short for Elizabeth," he said to Dr. Mizuno.

"_Ilse, ich heiße Peter. Wie geht es dir, tut es irgendwo weh?"_

(Ilse, my name is Peter. How are you? Do you hurt anywhere?)

"_Meine Brust tut mir so weh."_

(My chest is sore.)

"_Bist du von etwas getroffen worden, als der Bus umgekippt ist?"_

(Did you get hit there in the accident?)

"_Ja, von einer Kamera"._

(Yes. By someone's camera.)

"_Eine Kamera?_

(A camera?)

"_Ja_," said her mother, as Kuryakin looked up at her, "_so eine professionelle, mit einen richtig großen Objektiv._

(Yes, one of those professional ones with a big lens.)

"_Verstehe, sehr schwer also?"_

(I see. Very heavy, then?)

"_Ja._"

"Dr. Mizuno?" he said, motioning for her to get close. Then he began whispering something in her ear.

"Kuryakin-kun, are you just guessing here, or do you know?" she asked after a moment, in a silky voice with a sly smile and a familiarity all out of proportion for mere acquaintances.

'_Kuryakin-kun?'_ thought Setsuna. That was the second time she'd called him that. There was obviously some 'history' here.

"Trust me on this," he said with a self-satisfied smile.

"Meioh-san," said Dr. Mizuno as she began feeling the girl's neck, "put a digital blood pressure cuff on her, take a reading every minute, and let me know if her systolic pressure drops by more than 10mmHg."

Dr. Mizuno was checking the girl for signs of jugular venous distention. She could feel some rigidity, so she put her stethoscope to the girl's heart.

"Some suppression of heart sounds," said Dr. Mizuno, after a minute or so, "but the lung sounds are good. No tension pnuemothorax."

"Pericardial tamponade, then?" said Setsuna.

"Looks that way. Very good, Meioh-san, and you too, _Herr 'Doktor' Kuryakin._ Tell her mother what is wrong and that we need to take her daughter into surgery right away."

"_Frau? Wie war doch gleich ihr Name?"_

(Ma'am, what is your name?)

"Schmitz. Helga Schmitz."

"Frau Schmitz," he said, bowing slightly to her, "_der Aufprall war so stark, daß es zu inneren Blutungen gekommen ist, genau gesagt drückt ein Hämatom, also ein Bluterguss auf die Herzkranzgefäße und das könnte zu einem Herzstillstand führen. Sie muß sofort ins Krankenhaus und operiert werden."_

(Ma'am, the blow to your daughter's chest has bruised the sack that surrounds the heart. The bleeding is putting pressure on the heart and may cause it to stop working. She needs to be taken to surgery right away.)

"_Ich darf doch mitkommen?"_

(Will I be allowed to go with her?)

"She wants to know if she can go with her," he said to Dr. Mizuno.

"Tell her we really can't do that, and then, if she insists, we'll figure out something."

"_Frau Schmitz, es ist ein exzellentes Krankenhaus und Dr. Mizuno ist die beste Ärztin, den ich kenne. Ihrer Tochter ist dort in besten Händen. Lassen sie die Ärzte nur ihre Arbeit machen. Ich werde bei ihnen bleiben und für sie übersetzen, einverstanden?_"

(Ma'am, this is an excellent hospital and Dr. Mizuno is the best doctor I know. She is going to give your daughter the best care possible. Let them do their job. I'll be here all evening to help translate for you. Okay?)

The woman seemed to calm a little, and though reluctant, she surrendered her daughter the orderlies. They placed the girl on a gurney. Kuryakin bent over her, and smiled, trying to assuage the fear in her eyes.

"_Ilse, diese Leute werden dafür sorgen, daß deine Brust nicht mehr weh tut. Es sind die besten Ärzte, hab keine Angst, bleib ganz ruhig, alles wird gut._"

(Ilse, these people are going to help get rid of that pain in your chest. They are very good at what they do. Do not be afraid. Stay calm. Everything will be fine.)

The girl relaxed and didn't even seem to notice as one of the ER nurses slid a needle into her arm to anesthetize her. Her mother noticed though, and as the girl's eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she passed through the double doors headed for surgery, Ms. Schmitz could barely stand to watch.

Kuryakin noticed that Frau Schmitz was wearing a cross necklace not unlike the one he'd noticed Tomboy Kitten wearing that day they'd all met. He put a hand on the woman's shoulder and began reciting:

_Unse Vader in' Himmel !_

(Our Father, who art in Heaven, etc…)

_Laat hilligt warrn dienen Namen._

_Laat kamen dien Riek._

_Laat warrn dienen Willen so as in'n Himmel,_

_so ok op de Eerd._

_Uns' dääglich Brood giff uns vundaag._

_Un vergiff uns unse Schuld,_

_as wi di vergeben hebbt,_

_de an uns schüllig sünd …_.

Frau Schmitz then joined in:

_Un laat uns nich versöcht warrn._

_Mak uns frie vun dat Böse._

_Denn dien is dat Riek un de Kraft un de Herrlichkeit in Ewigkeit._

_Amen._

"You haven't changed a bit, Kuryakin-kun," Dr. Mizuno smiled, as an orderly gave Frau Schmitz a cup of coffee. Setsuna was touched by the gentleness with which he comforted the woman. Hotaru was also watching closely, and could not help but smile. For one thing, Setsuna-momma was doing _it_ again.

"Hotaru, go wait over there please," Setsuna said, noticing her adoptive daughter's gaze.

"Can't I stay, Setsuna-momma? I want to be a nurse, someday too. I want watch you work. I promise not to get in the way."

"You can watch, but stay with Mister Kuryakin," she said hurriedly, as Dr. Mizuno had a quick word with the surgeon who would be operating on Ilse Schmitz. "I am going to be very, very busy."

"Was that last part Lower Saxon?" asked Hotaru.

"What makes you think so, Hotaru-kun?"

"It sounded a bit different from the German you spoke, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Good ear, Hotaru-kun."

"We need to know some things about her," said Dr. Mizuno. "We have some help coming from the various embassies, soon. For now though, Kuryakin-kun, would you translate this for her and then write down her responses?"

"Certainly, Mizuno-_chan_," he said suavely and winked at her.

"_Frau Schmitz, wir brauchen noch einige Informationen. Leidet Ihre Tochter an Allergien?_" he said to the woman.

(We need to get some information, ma'am. Does your daughter have any allergies?)

* * *

Doctor Mizuno moved on to another patient, and Setsuna moved dutifully along, focusing on the task of the moment. The mystery of Hotaru's tutor had just deepened and Setsuna's desire to figure it out was back with a vengeance. She knew he was sharp and well-read, but this _tour de force_ of erudition in both languages and physiology, delivered with such ease in a pressure situation, was astounding.

As more casualties from the accident arrived, Kuryakin, with Hotaru in tow, was available to do any translating that was needed. As soon as she felt she could, Hotaru would ask questions, and he would explain what the various doctors and nurses were talking about, what was wrong with the person they were examining, and likely what they'd do to help them. Those with minor injuries remained in the room while the more serious cases were taken to the appropriate units of the hospital for treatment. Forty minutes later, this discourse was interrupted when Hotaru's stomach audibly growled.

"Hotaru-kun, it looks like they're getting a handle on things now. Let's get something to eat," he smiled, and began leading her to the end of the room, where commissary staff was setting up to serve food to the unexpected crowd.

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei. I am very hungry."

He bought sandwiches for them both, and they took a seat in the corner of the room at one of the few tables that hadn't been removed.

"So nursing is something you've thought about doing, Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes," she said as she took a mousy bite out of her sandwich.

"Just like your Setsuna-momma?" he asked, smiling.

"That's part of it, yes."

"Well, maybe after midterms, I can get you started on a few things to help you there."


	9. Chapter 04 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**Chapter 004-This is This and That is That**

**(Part 2)**

After the initial rush, the staff at Juuban Secondary General seemed to be getting a handle on the crisis. No one seemed to need anymore translation help for the moment. The latest bunch of injured to arrive were all Japanese. Kuryakin was looking for some other way to help out when he noticed a baby grand piano near the wall. _'That'll do,'_ he smiled. He sat down, played a few runs, and his face twitched a bit. It was only passably in tune, and certainly not up to performance standards, but he had neither the time, nor the tools, nor the inclination to tune it. Hoping to provide a calming atmosphere while not making a nuisance of himself, he played very softly at first. He started with some classical, and then began mixing in what little Euro pop he could remember (read: tolerate), a few _fado_ songs he liked, some Broadway show tunes, and a few little, original 'thoughts.' Hotaru finished her sandwich and began to wander a bit while he was playing. She knew what it was like to be in pain –chronic and acute- and looked at some of the people with an "I wish I could do something to help" look on her face.

A few more injured arrived but they too were all Japanese: commuters or people heading out to do some shopping who were caught up in the accident. One of them, a boy with his very concerned looking father in tow, was the last of them. A nurse came over to help the boy. His father, a clean cut, white collar type, also appeared to be favoring his left wrist, but was much more worried about his son. The boy was in a lot of pain, and working hard not to cry. His shirt was off and bruising had begun showing along the length of his collarbone. The EMTs had put his arm in a sling and given him something for pain, but it wasn't enough, so the nurse gave the boy a reinforcing shot, and told him he'd go to X-Ray as soon as they could get him in there. Then she began examining his father's wrist.

Hotaru quietly came up behind the boy, and then looked around. Thirty seconds or so was all she would need. Kuryakin was focused on the piano. Setsuna and Dr. Mizuno were on the far side of the room. Everyone else was either too far away to notice what was going on in this corner of the room, or had their backs turned for the moment. She crouched down behind the bed, reached up through the plastic slats to put a hand on the boy's shoulder from behind and a faint pink aura surrounded her. The boy felt the hand and the relief of the healing. He turned to see who, or what, was doing this, but his vision was fuzzy from the morphine. In the haze, he saw a pretty face with violet eyes, framed by curtains of shiny sable hair. She smiled at him, then drew her hand out and slipped away - sure that no one but the boy had seen her. Hotaru snuck back over near the piano and sat down looking a lot happier.

"Any requests, Hotaru-kun?" asked Kuryakin.

"I don't really know any popular songs," she said, as saw the boy she'd helped being taken to X-Ray. It occurred to her that she had just caused a mystery, and she'd better be careful since the boy had seen her.

"How about this one, then?" he smiled.

"Oh yes, I love that one," she said, as he began playing Debussy's Arabesque No. 1. "It's like dancing in a dream."

She listened raptly. When the song was over, she noticed the slips of paper sitting on top of the piano and asked, "What are those?"

"Requests for songs. People have been bringing them up."

"And you do them all from memory? Wow."

"If I know the tune, of course. Read a couple for me, Hotaru-kun."

She picked up a few and tried to read them.

"Kuryakin-sensei, I can't read these. Other than some English, I don't know any foreign languages."

"The first duty of a scholar, Hotaru-kun, is to learn languages. After mid-terms, I'd like to firm up your English and maybe start you on another language of your choosing, and see how fast your nimble brain can pick one up. For now, I want you to try and phonetically tell me what that one says."

She began to puzzle it out.

"Ressu Pair-a-prueez dee Chairu-boorgu…"

Kuryakin's expression visibly fell.

"Next one, Hotaru-kun," he said very deliberately.

"Don't you know that one?" Hotaru asked.

"Yes. I do. I know it too well. Next, please."

Just then the woman, a lightly injured French national, who sent the request for The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, came over to make her request in person.

"_Mais, Ma'amselle,"_ Kuryakin said, pleadingly, _"c'est une chanson plutôt triste. Non bon pour une salle de triage d'hôpital, convenez-vous ?"_

(But ma'am, it's a rather sad song. Not appropriate for a hospital triage ward, don't you agree?)

"_Mais c'est mon favori. Pas vous, s'il vous plait?"_ asked the woman, rather silkily.

(But it's my favorite. Won't you, please?)

Kuryakin wanted to say he would sooner play the Horst Wessel song with third degree burns on his hands. Instead, he relented.

"_Oui, Ma'amselle, certainment."_

(Yes, ma'am, certainly.)

"How many other languages do you know?" asked Hotaru.

"Oh, a few," he said. "You cannot understand another people until you can dream their dreams in their language."

Hotaru smiled at that idea. As he played that 'horribly maudlin tune,' the lady who requested it sat staring wistfully at the ceiling. Kuryakin turned to Hotaru, rolled his eyes and made a quiet gagging sound. She smiled with a hand to her lips, though she thought the song was very pretty if very sad. Thirty minutes that included two run-throughs of I Will Wait For You from The Umbrellas of Cherbourg later, Hotaru noticed that the boy she had healed was poking his head through the door at the far entrance, looking for something. She quickly slid out of her chair and slipped behind the piano.

"Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Why are you crouching behind the piano?" he asked slyly, as he was finishing up "Out of My Dreams" from "Oklahoma!".

"I … uh, like the sound down here."

"Uh huh."

He looked at another request slip. This one was in French too, but there was something both odd and familiar about the writing. He looked quizzically at it for almost a minute, then smiled, folded it very carefully, pocketed it, and began playing.

"That's a pretty song. What's it called?" Hotaru whispered from below. She thought she had heard it somewhere before.

"When I Fall In Love. Nat King Cole sings it best, and the harmonic rhythm at certain points in his arrangement is almost sublime. Hotaru-kun, you can come up from there. That young man you're avoiding is gone."

She gulped. _'Did he see that?'_

"How did you know I was avoiding him?"

"Well, you were looking right at him when he poked his head in, and then you hid. I wasn't that hard to figure out. Do you know him?"

"Erm, I just met him earlier, while you were playing."

"What's the matter, Hotaru-kun? Did he get fresh with you?"

"Uh, no," she said, blushing.

"It's not my place to say, but aren't you about due for a boyfriend? Couldn't tell too well from here, but he looked like a nice young man."

'_He did seem nice,' _thought Hotaru, as she blushed furiously. _'And he was very cute, and brave, the way he kept from crying.'_

_

* * *

_

A few hours later, Setsuna was still with Dr. Mizuno, and it appeared they had succeeded in establishing order and were about to take a break. The main part of the job was done and now it was time for the paper pushers to come in and figure out how this was to be paid for. Several officials from the German, French and a few other embassies had arrived. Dr. Mizuno was completely impressed with Setsuna, and intended to let her know, later. Hotaru was talking to some of the younger Japanese people among the injured. Kuryakin had reached the end of his rope –the kind with a noose at the end - where having to play "I Will Wait For You" again and again was concerned. Since love songs made up the bulk of requests he'd received, he ended the night's music with medley of "If I Loved You" and "You'll Never Walk Alone." The commissary staff was passing refreshments to the exhausted nursing staff. He saw Setsuna and Dr. Mizuno sitting down to take a break, grabbed an unattended drink cart standing off to one side, and headed straight for them.

"Doctor, how about something to drink?"

"Oh yes, thank you, Kuryakin-kun. Coffee, regular. Cream and sugar. Lots of sugar."

"You haven't changed either" he smiled, as he poured cream into her coffee, and handed it to her. "One hyper-powered pick-me-up for the doctor."

"Thank you for all your help tonight."

"Well, I suffered along with everyone else, Dr. Mizuno."

"Oh, are you hurt?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"No, no. Do you know the song 'I Will Wait for You'?"

"Yes, from The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. I love that movie. I thought I heard you playing it a couple of times tonight."

"Not a couple. Ten. Ten times!" he said with an increasingly crazed look in his eye. "That little French lady made me play it ten times!"

"And?"

"I hate that song," he growled melodramatically. "It's trite, saccharine, musical euthanasia: eight bars, and you want to kill yourself. Hardly appropriate here."

Dr. Mizuno chuckled a little, and Setsuna smiled, but then caught herself.

"Miss Meioh, would you like something?"

"No. Thank you, though," she said, more dismissively than she meant to sound.

"Very well," he said, and moved on.

Dr. Mizuno eyed her curiously.

"So then, Meioh-san. If I remember your phone messages, he's tutoring that young lady over there?" she asked, motioning towards Hotaru.

"Yes."

"Beautiful young lady. But you don't look old enough to be her mother."

"I am her legal guardian," said Setsuna.

"Frankly, you don't quite look old enough for that, either."

It was said as a compliment and Setsuna took it as such, but at just such times, a reminder that she could not officially adopt Hotaru was sore spot with her.

"Thank you. I have a special provisional guardianship, currently pending review in the courts."

"I see," said Dr. Mizuno. She was mildly curious how Setsuna came to have such a charge, but let it go. "So, Meioh-san, what did you want to ask me?"

Here again, it was difficult to ask the question without generating suspicion about her reasons.

"I am ... curious about _him_."

"How so?"

"I take it Ami-san was once a student of his?"

"You know Ami, don't you?"

"Yes, Doctor, we've … met a few times."

"She was his very first official student."

Perfect. This was exactly who she needed to talk to. Now if she could just handle it right …

"Then how did you meet him?" asked Setsuna.

"He brought a friend to the hospital. I was on duty and took care of him. We got to talking and I asked him what he was doing here in Japan. He mentioned he taught English, and was going to open a cram school and do some private tutoring as well. I was intrigued. He is very intelligent, not to mention charming, and quite different. It was a cram school setting, so there would be other students. He seemed trust worthy, and since he was just starting out, the price he was asking was right. I'm always looking for anything I can do to help Ami further her studies, and I was very impressed by him; so I took a chance."

"I see."

"There was another reason too. He's … a man."

"Indeed."

"A good one."

"What do you mean?"

Dr. Mizuno looked thoughtful, and then plunged ahead.

"Ami's father and I are … divorced. Even now, I would take him back, if he would be a responsible parent. But it's been so long now, I don't have any real hope of it. When I agreed to marry him, and when we had Ami, it was with the understanding that he would be there for our children because I was so busy. I not only resent that I have so little time for Ami, I regret that there was … that gap in her life. When Kuryakin-san described to me how he intended to teach his students, I realized that this was not going be just an assembly line cram school with every student wired into a computer. He meant to engage each one of them as individuals, as much as the situation allowed. I thought maybe someone like him could fill in that lack of a father, in some small way. I believe I was right. He ran the cram school for four terms. Even for Ami, there was marked improvement in how well she was doing. He also treated her with great kindness and respect, and he showed her that there are caring men in the world. Ami loves her father, and she's too sweet to make an issue of it. Like me, she gets on as best she can, and her best is very good indeed, but she's not blind to how irresponsible he has been and she can feel how hard it's been on me. I feel that Kuryakin-san helped Ami to find the trust that allowed her open up to those close friends she found later on. I almost begged him to take her on as one of his private students, but he said that Ami was superbly intelligent and disciplined and that she would do well no matter who was teaching her. I don't think he ever quite understood how much he'd helped her, and in what ways. Or maybe he did, and felt that he'd done all he could, or should."

"So you got to know him very well, but in the beginning he could not have had much in the way of references. I am wondering what made you trust him in the first place?"

"Well, references aside, what made _you_ trust him in the first place? Really trust him, Meioh-san. Why does anyone trust anyone?"

The questions were meant rhetorically, but as Setsuna expected, Dr. Mizuno was super sharp, and had immediately seen the strangeness of what Setsuna was asking: why had she entrusted Hotaru to someone about whom she had even the slightest reservations?

'_Was that why I had not attempted to contact her too vigorously? Strange, how circumstances are constantly pushing me to do what I say I want to do, but do not, it seems, truly wish.'_

"There were other issues," continued Dr. Mizuno. "For one thing, the _juku_ she was then attending was not getting the best out of her. Why do you ask, Meioh-san? Do you feel he is not doing well with your charge?"

"No, he has served her quite well, as far as I can tell."

"Then what is the problem?" asked Dr. Mizuno, rhetorically again, and with a slight smile.

"If I may ask, what happened to that friend he brought in?" Setsuna asked, just trying to change the subject.

"Oh. I remember that well. He … died."

"What?"

"He was an old man. A widower. Destitute. Alcoholic. Fought in the Pacific War."

Setsuna looked genuinely puzzled.

"It was just someone he had capriciously befriended?" she asked, a bit incredulously.

"Actually, there's a little story behind that. It was in the papers, so I don't think he'd mind me telling you. When he was living in America, he rented a house one summer. He got a bargain, but part of the deal was that he help out with minor repairs and refurbish the house. One day, he was up in the attic and he found a samurai sword. Not some stamped, cheap knock-off, but the real thing, hundreds of years old, with a damascened blade made by master craftsmen using the ancient ways. The house belonged to the widow of an American WWII Veteran, who had taken the sword home as the spoils of war. The sword had the name of its previous owner on it. Kuryakin was planning to visit Japan, so he bought the sword from the widow, and thought it would be a fun adventure to return it, if the owner was still alive and if he could find him. Otherwise, I think he intended to sell it to a museum or a collector. Apparently, it took quite a bit of effort, but he was able to find the owner, and discovered he was close to dying. He brought him here to die with some dignity, I think. I'm pretty sure he knew that we weren't going to be able to do anything. I remember that old, broken man lying on the bed, with his eyes closed, clutching that sword like the whole world had been given back to him. Then he died. Kuryakin saw to it that the sword was buried with him. I admit I was profoundly touched by such kindness. Now that I'm reminded of that, Meioh-san, I think that is why I found him instantly trustworthy. He was someone who seemed to know what people needed. I hoped he would realize the ways in which Ami needed help, and that he would take to her a little, and help her, like he did that man. I know he _did_ take to her, and I truly believe he helped her."

Setsuna looked at Kuryakin as he chatted with Frau Schmitz, presumably in Lower Saxon. She was looking very relieved, and grateful. Her daughter had come out of surgery just fine, and she had just come from seeing her.

"You admire … you … like him, do you not?" asked Setsuna.

"Like?" She got a very distant, bittersweet look. In that moment, Dr. Seiko Mizuno could not have looked more like her daughter. "Meioh-san, everyone thinks about 'what might have been' if things had gone just a bit differently, don't they?"

Setsuna was silent. No one knew that better than she. No one.

"Make no mistake, though," she continued. "I wouldn't give up having Ami for anything. Whatever I have gone through, whatever I have to go through, I'll bear anything for her. I don't know why I am so comfortable telling you all this, Meioh-san. I must be tired. But I find you impressive, and we seem to be a lot alike. You seem like a together, insightful and trustworthy person, too. Life can be hard. Love while you can, as they say, and we girls have to stick together, after all."

Given how familiarly Kuryakin and Doctor Mizuno had acted toward each other, Setsuna doubted she'd heard the entire story. Obviously, Dr. Mizuno had told her as much as she thought she could, and maybe more than she should have. Anything further was probably a deeply private matter, and yet the merest suggestion of something more was, somehow, like catnip to her. She was not a gossip. If she had been, oh, the secrets she could tell. Part of the reason she was assigned her particular duty as a Senshi was, she felt, that she could be trusted to keep such matters to herself no matter what. Setsuna did not quite realize why, but she found it impossible to believe Kuryakin would have ever taken advantage of anyone, in any circumstances. Whatever 'the rest of the story' was, she was reasonably sure it would be yet another in the string of kindnesses Kuryakin ladled out with dazzling prodigality. Dr. Mizuno got up to go check on some of her new patients. Setsuna halfway rose to follow, but she told her "no, no, we can handle it from here. You go home and rest. Thank you. You can work with me anytime."

"Thank you," Setsuna said warmly, though even she might not have fully appreciated how profound a compliment she'd just been given.

Setsuna watched the triage area pensively. The crisis was past. The unyielding sense of urgency collapsed, leaving a reflective torpor, along with burning feet and weary bodies in its wake. Ami's mother was every bit as impressive as Setsuna would have expected given the quality of her daughter's character. Hotaru was chatting with a little blond girl and looking very sleepy. Kuryakin was one of three people still tending a drink cart. One of the others, an orderly, came by and offered her something. She politely refused, just as Hotaru noticed her sitting there. She said goodbye to the little girl and then took note as, curiously, after the orderly had moved out of earshot, Setsuna called to Kuryakin.

"Yes, Miss Meioh?" he said a bit tiredly, as he came over to her.

"May I have some apple juice, please?" she asked, in a voice equally tired.

"Oh, …" he said, looking a little surprised. "Sure."

"With ice, please."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, walking back to the cart.

He filled a glass with ice, poured in some juice, and holding it in proper Japanese fashion - carefully, with both hands- offered it to her.

"Thank you," she said, reaching for the cup. When she took it, her hand momentarily brushed his. He looked as if he realized this was the first time they'd ever touched.

"You're welcome," he said in such a soft, gentle way, she was suddenly struck by the strangest impulse: to set the cup on the floor, and stand up and … and … and it was a good thing Hotaru had sat down next to her.

"Hotaru-kun, do you need anything?" Kuryakin said with a wan smile.

"Just my bed," she said, as she stretched out and laid her head in Setsuna's lap. Setsuna stared down into eyes that were filled with admiration. "You really were wonderful to watch tonight, Setsuna-momma."

Setsuna smiled at her, and stroked her cheek.

"So, Miss Meioh," Kuryakin asked, "were you able to get a hold of the Koneko-chan Taxi Service, because I'd be happy to … oh, here they are."

His voice trailed off as saw Haruka and Michiru coming in the doorway. Hotaru caught the look of disappointment on his face; it was as unmistakable as it was fleeting.

"Hotaru-kun, I'll see you in the morning. Obviously, you don't need to worry about your homework tonight. We'll do it tomorrow, together. Good evening, Miss Meioh."

She nodded, and he took his leave without further ado. Hotaru yawned and thought about everything she'd seen tonight as she and Setsuna stood up and headed over to meet Haruka and Michiru. Weary Nurse Meioh remarked that they 'looked well-rested,' as the four Outer Planet Senshi exited the building and headed home. Haruka was quiet and yawned periodically as she drove, Michiru chatted idly about how beautiful the leaves had been, Setsuna looked more pensive than ever, and as Hotaru lay with her head in Setsuna's lap, a few more boxes in her sleepy mind were being checked off.

* * *

The Thursday lesson after that night at the hospital was the first time Hotaru had felt energetic that week at all. She had been quite listless during Tuesday's lessons, and part of it may have been that little extra expenditure of power. She got to bed as early as she could Tuesday night and Wednesday. Kuryakin was not tired the next day, or that Thursday. This was odd, because, though he hid it well, he often seemed tired lately. During lunch Thursday afternoon she wondered if, somehow, getting to see Setsuna could account for this new found energy. For her, this weekend might have been a good time to begin tackling that reading list Kuryakin gave her, except that she would sit midterm exams on Wednesday and Thursday of next week. So it would be all review until then. The reading list would have to wait. Again. These next few lesson days promised to be extremely dull. Kuryakin must've sensed how oppressive this felt because just before the end of lessons that Thursday, he presented Hotaru with a challenge and an opportunity.

"Hotaru, I'm going to make a deal with you. All this rote recitation of stuff you've already learned may actually dull your agile mind. So, I have a riddle I want you to solve. I will call you Sunday night to see how you've done. If you can solve it -without any help- we will take a trip to see the dolphins Monday morning. If you can't, and I'm serious now, we'll just spend the time reviewing. Understood?"

He handed her a slip of paper on which the riddle was written, and she began reading aloud:

_Once upon a time, two knights sought the hand of a beautiful princess. They were excellent and honorable men, just in deeds and valiant in battle. But the king, who sought to marry his daughter to someone who would increase his fortune, did not wish for his daughter to marry either of them. So when the knights came to seek her hand, he set a challenge before them. They would race to the coast and back, and the horse that came in last would determine the winner. The two knights accepted the challenge immediately, and then almost as quickly realized they'd been had, for who could win a race where the last horse to cross the finish line won?_

"See the problem?" he said. "Just imagine each guy trying to come in last. They would keep retreating from the finish line forever. Pretty shrewd king, eh? But read on."

…_Both of them loved the princess very much, and neither was willing to concede to the other. But they could not think of a solution to the king's challenge. Then they remembered the old man in the mountain, who was reputed to be very wise. They went to him, and agreed to pay him a good sum of money if he could solve their problem. He listened to the king's challenge. He thought for a minute and then said just two words. The knights looked at each other, smiled, and paid him his money. _

_What two words did the wise man say?_

"And I can't ask for help from anyone?"

"Well," he said, "I don't think this one is really that hard, but then I already know the answer. If you really get bogged down, you can call me anytime this weekend and I'll give you one hint. Okay, the Kittens are here, so it's time to go home. I know you can do it. I've already made the reservations at the dolphinarium."

"Aren't you worried I'll cheat?"

He feigned a thoughtful look for a moment and said, "no."

* * *

More than a couple of times the next day, she flirted with the idea of searching the internet to find the answer. She really wanted to see the dolphins again, but that simple, single "no" prevented her. The closest she came to trying to get outside help was that night when she told the other Outer Senshi what the riddle was, after first making it clear that if they knew the answer they were not to tell her under any circumstances.

"Then, why are you telling us?" asked Michiru.

"To generate positive vibrations," she said, matter-of-factly. "I really want to see the dolphins again."

Haruka thought this was cute, but by Friday night no positive energies were in evidence, and the riddle had Hotaru stumped. She decided to get that extra help Kuryakin had offered her. She called and then hit "speakerphone" so she could be ready to write down anything he might say.

"Hotaru-kun?" he said, sounding very excited to get this chance to talk with her outside of lessons. "Well, what a pleasant if excitingly timed surprise. Good thing you called. I forgot to turn this off. I can't talk long. I'm about to go on stage."

"On … stage?"

"Yeah, I'm playing for some people tonight. Last minute substitution."

Sure enough, there was music playing in the background.

"Last minute substitution?"

"Yes, I tell you, sometimes I have the darndest luck. I'm going play piano on Rhapsody in Blue. The pianist who was supposed to play tonight? He had pufferfish for lunch, and now he's over at Juuban Secondary, getting his stomach pumped. I hope the guy is all right, but I know that one cold, and they had me come run through it, and they're satisfied I can do it."

"Hotaru, who's he playing for?" Michiru whispered.

"Where are you playing?"

"NHK Hall, for the NHK Philharmonic. They're doing an All-Gershwin, pops concert. So what's the problem?"

"NHK? We had tickets to that, didn't we?" Haruka whispered to Michiru who nodded.

"I'm so sorry, I'll call back …"

"No, no, I have about four minutes. Wish I had longer. Call me anytime with any problem. What's up?"

"Well, … it's that riddle."

"Ah, got you stumped has it? Need a little hint do you?"

"Just a little one, please?"

"Okay, there is a bit of a deception in it somewhere, so I'll give you this much. This riddle has a dozen variations in the way it's put, so forget the medieval imagery. Think, precisely now, about the challenge, and just ask yourself this question: 'given _exactly_ what the king said, what one little thing do the two men have to do to make the race winnable?' Say it in two words. I'm counting on you, Hotaru-kun! Think it through. Let's have fun Monday."

In the background an audience was a applauding the piece that had just ended.

"I'll do my best," she with an uncertain smile. What little he'd given her didn't seem to be much help.

"Nothing less from you, Hotaru-kun. Okay, there's the curtain! Gotta go!"

"That concert should be on NHK-FM radio right now," Michiru said, as she got up from the couch.

"Yeah," Haruka said.

Michiru turned on the radio, found the station and sure enough the opening clarinet glissando of Rhapsody in Blue was just reaching its apex.

"That's really that guy?" said Haruka, after a few minutes of the piano entrance.

"He says music is the second best thing he does," said Hotaru.

"What is the first thing?" asked Setsuna, who had just come into the room with some fabric under her arm.

"He didn't say."

"He did not say, or he would not tell you?"

"Well, he was cryptic about it. He said 'I hope you never have to see that.' He looked really serious when he said it, too."

"He's good," Haruka admitted.

"He's playing it very slyly," said Michiru. "And Haruka? To play for the NHK Phil you have to be better than good. I wonder how he got 'in' with them in the first place?"

"Perhaps he tutored someone for an influential donor," said Setsuna airily. "That seems to be how he meets everyone."

"I thought you didn't like music," Michiru said casually.

"It is not that I dislike music," she said quietly. "I just did not like it as an academic subject. So then, do you still think there is nothing strange about him?"

'_Strange?'_ thought Hotaru. "It's not a big secret he's musical, Setsuna-momma. You heard him the other night."

"Yes, Hotaru, but if he is as good as Michiru says, then we may append one more item to the list of talents in the incredible Mister Kuryakin's repertoire."

"Lots of people can play piano, Setsuna," said Haruka, smiling. "I'm good enough to accompany Michiru in a pinch. There's an athletic component in musicianship. He seems pretty fit."

"I know a couple of soccer players who play the piano incredibly well," said Michiru.

'_Oh?'_ thought Haruka, with a raised eyebrow.

"But if I understand you correctly, Michiru, he would have to be _world class_ to play for that orchestra."

"Okay, yes, Setsuna, he is unusual," conceded Michiru. "Very talented in a lot of ways. What's wrong with that? I too would be curious to hear his story, if he were willing to tell it. None of that makes him some kind of threat, which seems to be what you've been suggesting."

"Setsuna-momma, why would you think _that_?" Hotaru asked looking surprised and concerned. Hotaru had no idea the subject of her tutor came up for casual discussion at all. Apparently, he did come up now and then; this was merely the first time Hotaru had been present for it. It was certainly the first she'd ever heard of any … reservations about Kuryakin-sensei on Setsuna-momma's part. This might mean she would have to reassess what she thought she saw between them.

"Oh Hotaru," Setsuna said reassuringly, "that is not what I am thinking. I am very curious, I do admit, as to how so young a man is able to do so many things so well."

"When we first met, I checked him out in my mirror," said Michiru. "Nothing to worry about."

"Your mirror is not flawless in these matters," Setsuna said offhandedly.

"Neither is your time consciousness. Setsuna, he doesn't come up much, but when he does you always seem so … _earnest_," she said, smiling suggestively.

Setsuna looked like she was about to contradict this veiled hint in the strongest possible terms, but then, glancing at Hotaru, thought better of it.

"I wish we could watch," said Hotaru.

"You can, in two days," said Michiru. "They rebroadcast those concerts on NHK-BS2 on Sunday afternoon."

"Really? Oh, but … we're going shopping Sunday afternoon, aren't we?"

"We could record it for you," suggested Michiru.

The concert had reached intermission. The audience was applauding with some sincerity, it seemed. Hotaru was thinking hard about what Setsuna had just said, and decided that even if she was thinking of him in terms of a threat, it didn't make sense that threat was to the Sailor Senshi. Was this "threat" somehow personal? In the end, she thought this little revelation might in fact be one more sign of what she suspected. She smiled, but then warned herself that _'when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.'_ She decided to review all her checked boxes, and she also decided to examine what was more and more clearly her own desire to _'see something'_ that might not really be there. Meanwhile, Haruka had finished some reading for a class and Michiru was done typing some program notes for her next recital on her laptop.

"Okay," Haruka announced. "We're going out. This is a Friday night after all."


	10. Chapter 04 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**By Phoenix2772**

**Chapter 004-This is This and That is That**

**(Part 3)**

Haruka and Michiru did not go to the Philharmonic tonight because Michiru didn't care for Gershwin, although she certainly knew when someone had played him well. Instead, they'd had a late dinner and now were walking along the Ginza, chatting quietly whenever they were sufficiently alone. As they stood at an intersection waiting for the light to change, Setsuna's discourse on the nature of time was the topic.

"Sure was weird," said Haruka,

"You mean 'uncanny' weird?" said Michiru as the light changed and she began walking.

"Yeah."

"What was so uncanny about it? What she said, or that she even told us about it?"

"Both. She's never told us – any of us- of such things. Why now?"

Michiru looked as if she agreed. "I got the sense that she was …I don't know, _scared_?"

"Could be she's having trouble seeing things. Not good, if so."

"Yes," said Michiru casually as she checked some storefront windows. "If Setsuna is worried about something, we all should be."

Haruka said nothing, but added that suggestion to a short but growing list of vague premonitions she had lately.

"And then there's Kuryakin-san," added Michiru. "He rattles her, it seems. He is sufficiently strange maybe we ought to try and do something to put Setsuna's mind at ease. Her coursework is very heavy this term."

"She knew it would be," replied Haruka. "It was the only reason she wasn't dead set against hiring that guy." She had seen this change of direction in the conversation coming. Michiru – to Haruka's mild annoyance – was usually the one to initiate any conversation about Hotaru's tutor. Haruka wasn't sure what to make of this. It could be Michiru was puzzling out something about the man herself and, without any overt omission on her part, wanted all the input she could surreptitiously get. This time he'd come up by pure happenstance, so Haruka wasn't too annoyed though she was sure Michiru would take advantage of that.

"Right, but it's worked out the opposite. She really can't afford the distractions. And she just won't let go of it. It's getting really hard to avoid coming to a 'certain conclusion' here."

"What's that?" Haruka said dully, her eyes following a sharp-looking motorcycle that had just passed by.

"Haruka, think about it …"

"Remember, I don't like prying."

"Yes, but you said it might be necessary," Michiru relied.

"Oh. You think Chaos is working on her?" asked Haruka archly, though on her own admission it was certainly possible.

"One never knows. So … think for a moment. Until she awoke in this age, how many men had Setsuna ever even met, much less known?"

"One, I guess."

"So far as we know, yes. And she knew him as a prince and then as a king, all regal and polished and erudite and 1000 years' mature, although even there I've heard stories about escapades when he and the Queen wished to get out of doing something. And now she's had the chance to meet him in his brash and youthful days. Now even though she knows that she can never, ever …"

"I get the picture," said Haruka somewhat impatiently. "But she's met plenty since awakening."

"Right, but I think she has committed herself to him –and thereby to them both- precisely because she knows she can 'never, ever' and prefers it that way. It keeps her from being distracted from her duty by her own feelings or hopes. It's counterintuitive perhaps, but really, I think she has a low opinion of herself. Second, even if she did consider it, he is the standard by which she judges any prospect. So the bar is set pretty high."

"Possible, I suppose," said Haruka who really didn't want to talk about this. "Michiru, I did say we might have to pry now and then, but I didn't mean for you to start doing character biographies of everyone we know."

"Yet," she continued, ignoring Haruka, "there is something about this guy. Very classy. Good manners. And he's not bad looking – in fact, the more one looks at him … any way. And he's almost insanely smart and talented. 'Renaissance Man' doesn't begin to cover it. There's a mystery there, no question."

"I suppose."

"Haruka, isn't your threat radar pinging loudly over him? No one can be _that_ smart and accomplished this early in life. Even a modest genius requires about ten years of grappling with a field to master it, though a real genius can do it in maybe five, if he doesn't do anything else but eat or sleep."

"So, like Setsuna, you've been thinking a lot about this too? Michiru, my dear, what did you see when you checked him out in your mirror?"

"Nothing much," Michiru said in a way that implied she may have seen more than she was letting on, but fully intended to keep her own council for now.

"I … see."

"Furthermore, Setsuna's been around so long …"

"No," said Haruka very quietly, "Sailor Pluto has. Setsuna has an actual birthday, and had an awakening, like us."

"Right, but have you noticed? Sailor Pluto's consciousness has never been interrupted. Once awakened, Setsuna came into full possession of that consciousness. We had only vague recollections of who we were, but she remembers everything. It's what gives her the illusion of omniscience. She isn't really, but she instantly regains all her wisdom. I think she feels she ought to be able to figure out thing and people instantly especially where any of us are concerned. And she'd rather figure it out on her own than ask directly what he's about, though in the end it looks like that's the only way she's going to …."

"Michiru, the only thing strange about that guy is I don't completely hate him."

"Haruka, I know you don't really _hate_ anybody. Outside of our duty, you are incredibly easy-going. It's one of the things I love most about you."

"Thank you, Michiru," Haruka said. "But, I think you're the one fascinated by this guy, which first of all bothers me: second, has us both talking more than we ever do: and third, I think all this is a sign that you're projecting your own fascination onto Setsuna."

"Oh? Are you jealous?" she said coyly. It was time to play that game now. Haruka was as clear as she that something about this tutor rightly bothered Setsuna.

"Maybe."

"You must be jealous. You're using compound sentences."

The exchange just escalated.

"You don't think she's … like us, do you?" asked Haruka with mock thoughtfulness.

"Oh, you wish …"

"No, I do not…"

"Yes, you do …"

"I do _not_!"

"Oh yes…."

"Michiru? I'm not talking about this any more."

An unexpected and not unpleasant turn of events. After a few moments silence, and checking out a few windows, Michiru muttered quietly "Do too …"

"Okay, I'm not talking _to you_ any more."

"So then," said Michiru now that she could proceed uninterrupted, "Setsuna has been all alone during that time. We both know that really she is a deeply passionate person: few loves but loves deeply, and I think deep down, under all those years and years of duty, there lurks a classic romantic, even-possibly- a blushing maiden, with quite innocent dreams of love, and a very strong sense of propriety. Like any classic romantic, she tends to hold just out of reach the thing she claims to desire. Or in this case, it is held there for her by unchangeable circumstances …"

"How do you get that?"

"Did she ever show you that poem she wrote for one of her Humanities classes?"

"Oh, yeah," said Haruka, looking thoughtful, "It was pretty good."

"Do you remember any of it?"

"Not really. Something about 'singing the eternal song of love in her heart.' Or some such."

Michiru reached into her purse and pulled out a piece of paper.

"You wrote it down, and keep it with you?" chuckled Haruka incredulously. "Michiru, that is pathological …"

"Haruka, if you want to know people, their artistic expressions, however good or bad, can at least tell you a little bit about them," she said defensively. "Besides, it's a very good poem, and I find comfort in reading it now and then. That Setsuna wrote such a poem says a lot about the real her. Even now, even to us, she's still quite a mystery. She let me copy it. Listen to this."

The poem was entitled "Secret" and Michiru read it with emphasis on certain phrases:

When I step firmly on the ground of this planet,

I am happy, and I fill it with the sweet green song on my lips.

When I embrace the thin shoulders of the people I love,

**in spite of myself** the secret song of love is locked deep in my heart.

On a day like this, **even when I pretend to hang my head,**

there's nothing I can do.** I'll quit hesitating** as I put in the key.

On a clear day like this, I'll take off my white jacket and go outside.

**Pretending not to notice my restrained spirit**, I'll invite the girls into the strong sunlight.

When I run across the ground of this planet, I am glad, and the smile for a special occasion **spills out **on my lips.

The jewel of time that has not shined twice. **Softly I hum to you** the eternal song of love.

"Notice," continued Michiru, "it is _in spite of herself_ that the song of love is in her heart, as though she doesn't deserve it. She _pretends_ to hang her head,as though she isn't entitled to any feeling other than sadness. She has to force herself to _quit hesitating_. She must _pretend_ not to notice her restrained spirit. Her smile _spills out_, as though it were something she did not intend, and she _hums the song of love softly_, rather than sing it loud and clear. Notice too, _I'll invite the girls into the strong sunlight._ I'd say that means she feels … well, like a mother to all of us."

"Interesting analysis, Michiru. Okay, sure, if it's an accurate, intentional self-expression, it could mean she has a very low opinion of herself, isn't pushy about her own desires, and seeks her true self in some greater cause."

"More than that, Haruka, it suggests someone who is submitted to a goal, a way of being, that, ultimately, may not even have her own interests at heart, and she doesn't even care. We've both known that feeling. Haven't you ever worried that maybe … we aren't needed anymore? That we have fulfilled our purpose?"

"Nothing has happened to make me think there won't be outside threats in the future. Michiru, this is what don't like about prying, even if it's necessary now and then. I don't like over-thinking. Peoples' inner feelings are the same everywhere. Am I good enough? Am I unique? Am I some kinda accident? Is there any point to my existence? Does anybody care about me? The only reason your inner feelings matter to me is because you matter to me. All we can do is love a few people well and stick to our duty. That's not meanness; just a healthy respect for our limitations. Only through love does anything matter anyway."

"That's really quite sweet, Haruka, but I thought you weren't talking to me."

Haruka smirked and pulled her close. They walked silently for a few blocks.

"Who does Setsuna have?"

"_Why_ does she have to have anyone?" Haruka said, yawning.

"She doesn't," Michiru shot back immediately, then pressed her question anyway. "So, who does she have?"

"She has us," said Haruka.

"We killed her. Nothing will ever be quite the same because of that."

"Yeah," she said sadly. "I know. But we suffered too. We let our Star Seeds be taken first. God, that hurt. She knew - they both knew- what we were doing. That's how we fight."

"Yes, yes, but there's no getting around the consequences, Haruka. Who does she really have?"

"She has Hotaru."

"Yes," said Michiru, her eyes brightening as if she was waiting for this to come up. "Hotaru cares what happens to her, even more than we do, so much that she might even take matters into her own hands."

"What do you mean?"

"Do things for her that Setsuna will never do for herself. You said it yourself. She isn't pushy about her own desires."

"Okay," said Haruka, "I see where this is going. Michiru, that poem was probably just school work. Sure, it's about her, and feeling inadequate, but it's hopeful too. That motherly streak thing is probably close to the truth. We've all raised Hotaru, but she was with her the all the time, while we were out globetrotting. And she isn't really dour. I've seen her when she's among her real peers."

"Her _real_ peers?" Michiru asked, feigning indignity with a slight smile.

"Sure, at university, among collegiate types," said Haruka, not backing off in the least. "She's cheerful and even laughs now and then. Deep down, she knows she's pretty incredible, especially as a woman. Look at all the men she has to brush off."

"Exactly, she is so amazing, if she doesn't have someone, it's because she doesn't want to …"

'_Time to hit Michiru's off button,'_ thought Haruka. "Really, I'd say she's the prettiest of us all."

Michiru blinked a couple of times.

"Oh?"

"Stunning."

"You really think so?"

"Utterly."

"Well," said Michiru a bit huffily, "I agree she is certainly the most … _mature_."

"And pretty," Haruka added offhandedly.

"Usagi-san once said _I_ was the _ideal_ of a princess, and she ought to know … after all she is one."

"Aren't we all? That doesn't have to mean prettiest …"

"Now _I'm_ not talking to _you_."

Haruka was getting a little too good at this game.

"Well," said Haruka "since we're not talking, maybe we can think of something else to do …"

"Hmmm, you know what we should do?"

"I have an idea or two," Haruka said suggestively.

"We should go with them."

"Go with … _who_?"

"Hotaru and her tutor."

Haruka stared at her.

"You mean on Monday to the fish pond?"

"Yes, we'll spend the day with them both. Watch him work. Hotaru says he's always teaching her even when they do something fun. We'll come back and tell Setsuna what we think, and then she'll …"

"… go right on being quietly obsessed. Not a good idea, Michiru. Beside, Hotaru still has to solve that riddle."

"Oh, Haruka, I'll bet you anything they still go whether she does or not."

"Not a good idea, Michiru."

They walked another couple of blocks in complete silence.

"If she solves the riddle, we go," said Michiru.

Haruka sighed. Michiru hugged her arm more tightly and then saw something in a store she wanted.

"Let's go in there."

* * *

Everyone spent Saturday doing school work. It was a busy time of the term and no one could afford to put it off. Hotaru wanted to finish her review and preparation sheets for Monday's lessons, so that Sunday's shopping and leisure time would also allow her time to think about the riddle. And there was still that reading list she wanted to get started on, but that would have to wait for a bit. Some of the most interesting looking books were in a foreign language and when Hotaru brought this up to Kuryakin-sensei he realized that of course that made the whole thing useless, and, after reiterating that the first duty of a scholar is to learn languages, he told her he'd need a little time to find translations of them.

As for her guardians, Setsuna had a new angle she wanted to work into her term paper and would have to spend most of the day just to begin it. Even Haruka and Michiru had to put aside the appearance of being independently wealthy, devil-may-care socialites, hunker down and get some real work done now and then. Michiru also had to squeeze in some practice time, and if they were going to notch another yet absence from school on Monday, both of them would even have to work ahead. It was a lousy way to spend a lovely fall Saturday, but Hotaru found herself enjoying it. Everyone was together, doing the same thing, all to the sound of Hotaru happily humming in the background.

On Sunday morning, Hotaru came down to breakfast, yawning. Setsuna was serving breakfast to Haruka, and Michiru was just coming in as well.

"Morning, Hotaru," Haruka said as she sipped coffee.

"Good morning, Haruka-poppa, Setsuna-momma."

"You seem cheerful today, Hotaru," said Setsuna.

Hotaru smiled a self satisfied smile. "Hmm, yes. By the way, when we go shopping today, can I get new bathing suit? I want one that's dolphin grey."

"Figured out that riddle?" asked Haruka, casually enough, but Michiru caught an "Oh, damn!" flash in Haruka's eyes.

"Yes, when I woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink. It's all in the wording."

"I figured it out the night you told it to us," Haruka said nonchalantly.

"Really?" asked Michiru.

"Yeah, it's easy. I just thought of it as an auto race."

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Michiru.

"You never asked. Friday night, _you_ were doing all the talking," said Haruka playfully.

"Auto racing?" she said, thinking hard.

"Substitute _race car_ for _horse_."

Michiru thought for a moment as Setsuna brought her some coffee. She had just taken a sip when her face lit up.

"Oh, how silly. The wise man told them to …"

"Wait, Michiru," interrupted Haruka, as Setsuna, who was setting a plate in front of Michiru, looked up too, "I want Hotaru to prove she really knows."

"Oh?" said Hotaru with indignation. "How do I know that you two actually don't have the answer and are conspiring to trick me into giving it to you?"

"_Hime-chan_ (dear princess), would we do that?"

Hotaru looked defiant, though amused.

"All right. Let's do this," Haruka said, leaning back in the chair, and reaching behind her. She took a sheet of note paper and tore it into four sections. "Here we go. Four slips of paper. We each write down the answer, then pass it to our left."

The three of them began writing immediately and then folded the paper to pass it to the person on their left. But Michiru held up. Setsuna had not started writing yet, prompting her to ask slyly, "Setsuna, you already know the answer, don't you?"

All three of them looked at her.

"No," she finally had to admit.

"Really?" Hotaru asked, looking very surprised. "Setsuna-momma, I figured you'd heard the answer to every riddle in the world."

Moderately icy stare.

"Sorry, Setsuna-momma, I didn't mean it _that_ way. It just that you're … so … wise …"

"Great save, Hotaru," said Haruka. "Okay, the three of us."

Michiru reached across the table to hand her slip to Hotaru; Hotaru's went to Haruka, and Haruka's to Michiru. All three of them looked and nodded. Each of them had written the same two words. Haruka then collected the papers, and said, "Good work, Hotaru. I'll just … hold on to these, till Setsuna gets up to speed."

Setsuna pretended to ignore everyone as they finished breakfast. Then, Hotaru went upstairs to get ready for the shopping expedition.

"She's pretty happy these days," said Haruka.

"Yes," said Michiru. Then she looked directly at Haruka and smugly mouthed _'we're going.' _

* * *

The day's shopping, normally something Hotaru looked forward to, ended up being quite tedious. She found a suitable bathing suit for Monday's excursion in the first store they went into. She spent the rest of the time watching any available clock, waiting for the hour of the program to arrive. Sony Channel Server, the first Japanese TiVo-type service was easy to program, but she worried that she'd done it wrong. The afternoon was spent with Hotaru distracted and itching to get home, while her guardians casually shopped, sipped coffee and tea, and, in a couple of stores, had Hotaru try on different fall and winter clothes as she had grown a bit since last year. When they got home, Hotaru ran upstairs to put everything away, and then rushed back down to watch the recording. Everything had been set up correctly, and after fast forwarding through the first part of the concert, it was indeed her tutor who walked out onto the stage and sat down at the piano, looking very sharp in black tails, with a silky white tie and vest.

'_Well, this will be interesting,'_ she thought. She would finally get a chance to see a little of those 'fun things he did to keep busy.' Michiru joined her and quietly did a sort of running commentary.

"Yes, definitely the 1924 Jazz Band arrangement. The 1942 full orchestral version doesn't have so many saxophones. And it most certainly does not have a banjo."

"Did some homework on this for me, Michiru-momma?"

"A little," she replied with a smile, as she feathered an unruly lock of Hotaru's shiny hair.

As the piece progressed, Michiru thought the soloist might have been a bit anxious.

"See how closely he's watching the conductor?" she said. "You can tell he's only had the one rehearsal. He has to keep checking the _tempi_. And of course, this version requires a slightly different approach in general. It's going very quickly. If it were the 1942 version, he and the conductor would belabor some of the finer moments. But that wouldn't be appropriate for the lighter jazz sound."

"It's amazing he doesn't even have to look at the piano."

"Not too unusual," said Michiru, "you don't have to look at your fingerboard anymore."

"Yes," she said, "but with the piano there are more notes to hit."

"The principle's the same, Hotaru. When you are that 'at one' with the instrument, that's when the real music making begins ... ah, now there, they must have switched to the Saturday night performance."

"Oh, he has on a black tie and vest now. So there was a second performance?"

"Yes. If we'd had tickets, I would have mentioned it sooner, but we didn't, and besides we all really needed to get some school work done."

"It's okay, Michiru-momma. I would probably have fallen asleep through most of it. Those things always take place so late at night. He's playing a lot by himself now. Is this a cadenza?"

"Not exactly, in this case."

"Does a cadenza give a soloist more freedom?"

"Yes and no," said Michiru. "There is a certain amount of give and take, but the performer still has a responsibility to play it within the constraints of the overall performance. That's why the conductor is so important. He is the boss, but the entire orchestra is his instrument, and he must, as I said, be one with it. The best conductors are those who can allow for a maximum of expression on the part of all the performers whenever possible. But the conductor sets the tenor of the performance."

Hotaru was slightly distracted from the rest of the performance because about midway through the 'non-cadenza,' she noticed a reflection in the TV screen. Setsuna was caught up, and even ahead, on her course work, and decided to spend the rest of the day working on a white dress that, once she had finalized the design, required some elaborate and tedious embroidery. It was taxing her considerable patience, but she was close to finishing it. She needed only time and a little more fabric to complete the sleeves. However, as Hotaru now noticed, she was surreptitiously watching the performance from the dining area, the dress lying inert beneath her hands on the dinner table. Setsuna's 'dislike' of music was not visceral. It merely depended on mood or her purpose at a given moment. There were times when she obviously and positively enjoyed music, so it was hard for Hotaru to judge whether this would be worth any checked off boxes. Setsuna watched the entire performance, and, Hotaru realized, this should put to rest the idea that "Kuryakin as a threat" had anything to do with the Senshi. _'If she really is thinking of him that way, it must be that she somehow sees him as a personal threat,'_ she thought. _'It might complicate things badly, if ever he tries to ask her out.'_ In the end, given that Setsuna-momma was working on that incredible –so Hotaru thought- dress, she decided to tick off one box. Even though Hotaru knew how tedious the work on it had become, and that she might welcome a brief distraction from it, she also knew Setsuna was utterly determined to finish it. The performance ended with applause that seemed to be more enthusiastic than it was on Friday night. Kuryakin shook hands with the conductor and the concert master, then bowed appreciatively to the orchestra, and then warmly to the audience.

"I like that piece," said Hotaru.

"It does have its appeal," Michiru replied. "Certainly requires virtuosity from the soloist. I love how he did that run up to the finale. I wonder how well he does Rachmaninoff, Prokofiev, or Scriabin."

"He's so tall, isn't he?"

"Yes," said Michiru. "I don't recognize the conductor. He is very young. Normally, Kashkenorzy conducts them, and that's not his assistant conductor, Ahranova, either."

"Well, that was neat," said Hotaru. "I'll have to ask him about it tomorrow."

Michiru smiled. "Let's go help with dinner. Did you enjoy that, Setsuna?"

"I was not really watching," she said.

'_Two boxes,'_ thought Hotaru.

Later that evening, Kuryakin called to find out if Hotaru could answer the riddle. She gladly took the call and gave him the answer.

"Outstanding, Hotaru," he said, sounding very pleased. "I knew you'd come through. All right, can I talk to one of your guardians for a minute?"

Setsuna was busy upstairs and did not realize who had called. It was a shame, as it might have given Hotaru a trinity of "she likes him" check marks. Michiru took the call.

"Miss Kaioh, how are you tonight?"

"Very well, thank you," she said.

"Good to hear. We're definitely going to the Dolphinarium tomorrow. I'd like to get an early start so we can get back in time to squeeze in some formal review for the midterms at the studio. I don't want Hotaru to know, but I get a little anxious about the midterms and finals no matter how smart the student is. May I come there and pick her up at 8:00?"

"We'll be ready," Michiru said cryptically.

* * *

"Good morning, Kittens," a smiling Kuryakin said, as he opened the passenger door for Hotaru. "What's with the picnic basket?"

"We're going with you," Haruka said.

"Yes," said Michiru, "The Dolphinarium sounded like fun, and we thought we'd come along. And it will give us a chance to watch you work."

"Seriously?" said Kuryakin, who was not only openly smiling, but looking like a kid who'd just been given decade's worth of Christmas presents. "Miss Kaioh, I wondered what you meant when you said '_we'll_ be ready.' Will you be with us all day?"

"Not a problem, is it?" asked Haruka.

"No. Sure you won't be … um, bored?" he asked as he opened the trunk.

"I'd settle for that," said Haruka quietly to Michiru.

"Where Hotaru is concerned, never, Kuryakin-san," said Michiru cheerily.

"Will Miss Meioh be joining us?"

"No, she's got a long day of labs and coursework ahead of her. She's already left."

"Pity. Almost had a trifecta, here. I thought this was going to be an ordinary fun day, but now it's going to be even more fun," he smiled wistfully. "There are … _many_ things I've wanted to ask you two."

'_I knew it,'_ thought Haruka. _'Bad idea.'_

"For example, how do you have so much free time on your hands?"

"We're taking the day off from school," Haruka said flatly.

"Hmm," he said. "Your school must have a generous absentee policy. We're going to review World History on the way. If you want to watch me teach I'm afraid you'll have to ride with us."

"Always our intention, Kuryakin-san

"My van is real come down from that excellent Ferrari."

"Why a minivan?" asked Haruka.

"Because they're so cool," he said dryly as he put his sunglasses on. "They handle like a car, but they have room enough for somebody my size. The passenger and/or carrying capacity is useful for a tutor. Haven't needed it much lately."

As he helped Hotaru into the van, Haruka whispered to Michiru, "_Not_ a good idea. He's way too happy about this."

"It'll be fun," she chuckled. "It seems like he will enjoy our company. Let's enjoy his."

"He's a guy. When have I ever enjoyed the company of a guy?"

"So, Koneko-_chan_ (my _dear_ kittens,) how am I doing so far?" Kuryakin asked, as they were about twenty minutes from Atami and the Izu Ocean Park Dolphinarium. Hotaru and he had just gone through a rapid-fire question and answer session over the Pax Mongolica. Then he asked her to formulate this knowledge base along the lines of three potential essay questions. Her answers demonstrated that she had learned a lot about quickly organizing an essay answer around a specific question since the first time he tested her.

"Do you always refer to paying customers so familiarly?" said Haruka.

"Not usually. But you two are special," he said with a sly smile. "True confessions time. I'd seen you before I met you this fall, Tenoh-san. Did Miss Meioh tell you?"

"No. Where?"

"At a track meet about two and half years ago. You're fast. Very fast. I can only imagine you're faster now. Very impressive, very memorable."

"Why were you there?" asked Haruka, slightly interested, but making certain she did not sound like it.

"Moral support. One of my students was into track and field. I also caught sight of you later. I even thought I might talk to you but, well, you were _*ahem*_ busy. I believe you were flirting. Also, a memorable thing."

"I am what I am," said Haruka.

"Aren't we all? One can learn to transcend that, though. Surely you would never lovely Miss Kaioh to doubt your ardor. Now, Hotaru-kun …"

"How do you know about that?"

"You must be kidding," he said seriously. "Even that first day, it was impossible to imagine one of you without the other. An odd thought, but there it is. Now, Hotaru-kun?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Explain the effect of Richelieu's foreign policy on the Thirty Years War, and summarize the results."

"Though many of the Europeans nations were already fighting each other, French foreign policy effectively continued and intentionally inflamed the situation. Under the reign of Louis XIII, Cardinal Richelieu, the first true Prime Minister of a country in the modern sense …" Hotaru launched into a brief discourse on it, ending with this summary: "Spain began showing how weak it had become, Germany was fractured, depopulated and devastated, post-war Sweden became a force in Europe, the Hapsburg Empire went into decline, and Bourbon France became the dominant power."

"Excellent, Hotaru," said Michiru.

"The best part, Hotaru-kun, is how you've learned to fill in the details around the bare bones narrative I give you in the lecture. That's what those review sheets and note cards are for, Miss Kaioh. That's where the real work gets done. At first, I was worried about letting her do those at home, but she's been hopelessly responsible," he said, winking at his pupil. "We've been focusing on European and Levantine history because she already knows Asian history well enough. Toward the end of the term we'll cover the history of the Americas, and … ah, I guess now is as good a time as any. Tenoh-san, there's something I must know. It's been driving me crazy."

"Yeah?" Haruka sighed heavily. She had just about succeeding in pretending she was somewhere else, and wasn't sitting in the middle seat of a vehicle she didn't want to be in, being driven by someone she didn't want to be with, on her way to somewhere she didn't want to go. Only for Michiru and Hotaru was she putting up with this.

"It's rude of me, I know," he said in a placating tone, "and I'm very ignorant about such matters. You look sharp and stylish, but dressing the way you do …"

"Yes?" she huffed, looking askance at Michiru.

"When you go to the restroom in a public place, do you use the men's or the women's?"

Michiru quietly laughed, and Hotaru had her hand over her mouth and an amusedly stunned look on her face.

"I truly can't figure it out. If you use the women's bathroom, and somebody who doesn't know you is in there, doesn't that create something of a … disturbance?"

"I hold it in," she lied.

"That would explain why you look put out all the time. Like now," he said, as Haruka's eyes glowered at him from his rear view mirror.

Haruka then stared at Michiru as if to say _"NOT a good idea, Michiru!"_

"Haruka is the soul of discretion, Kuryakin-san," she said smiling. "Although there was that one time …"

"You say too much, Michiru dear."

"It is, then, your _intention_ to … create disturbances?"

"No," she replied curtly and defensively, as Michiru looked at her with a "he's got you figured out" look. And so he had, a little. Courtesy required that she balk at the suggestion of intentional rudeness, but it had drawn back into a conversation she wanted no part of and thought was, mercifully, over. _'Clever of him.'_ she thought.

"But I don't mind watching people trip over their assumptions."

"I'm sure you succeed brilliantly," said Kuryakin. "Forgive me, Tenoh-san. You're so cool and interesting looking. Interesting people are like catnip to me. I have to figure them out. It's a … pathology, really."

"You should get help," Haruka said airily, as Michiru leaned her head into her shoulder as if to say _'thank you for bearing with this.'_

"Perhaps I should," he chuckled. "Hotaru-kun, summarize the Copernican Revolution in science, especially its effect on the career of Galileo and the controversies in which Heliocentrism embroiled them both."

'_Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad,'_ Haruka fumed, as she looked out the window at the passing scenery. She would have moved into the back seat if the picnic basket and the stuff Kuryakin brought for Hotaru's lunch wasn't already taking it up. After a few miles had passed, she inexplicably found herself softening a bit. The praise of her athletic ability was sincere, and a point of justifiable pride with her. She didn't like how immediately familiar he was with the two of them, and, at times, wondered if he was intentionally trying to piss her off, but then suddenly it hit her, and a bit of a smile started playing around the corners of her mouth.

'_He's testing me. Just like guys do when they first meet each other.'_

It reminded her of the first time she'd met Kou Seiya, and how they'd squared off in Michiru's dressing room. Funny that, because now that she thought about it, there were some things about this guy that reminded her a lot of Seiya. In a backhanded sort of way, he was complimenting her, and clumsily admitting uncertainty on his part, as if he refused to trip over any assumptions and was asking 'So, how do you wish to be treated?'

Inwardly, she chuckled. This was just the sort of effect she had on most people when they discovered she was a woman after mistaking her for a man. Of course it was intentional, though it would have been poor form to admit it, but Kuryakin wasn't fooled. It was an integral part of her aura, her way of having some sort of upper hand at all times – aside from being great fun. He had, very cleverly, used her own judo on her, and she was beginning realize she was acting more put out than she really felt. Still bored, but she wasn't uncomfortable.

'_Odd, that.'_

It was unnatural for her to be remotely comfortable with any guy, or any unfamiliar situation. And yet, if she were to admit it, she felt almost like the way she felt around the … Funny that.

"So, Kuryakin-san?"

"Yes, Miss Kaioh?"

"What was it like playing for the NHK crowd?"

"I was a bit nervous," Kuryakin said. "Unusual for me. If it had been a solo recital, or if I'd had one proper rehearsal, I'd have been fine. Under the circumstances, there was some risk. There'd have been more if it had been a harder piece."

"I notice you hit the glissando at the end by playing every note instead of sweeping the keys with your right hand, and hitting the accents with your left," Michiru said interestedly. "Do you always do that or were you … showing off?"

"No, not showing off. Even inside such a brief rhythmic moment, there's room for expression."

"If I may ask," said Michiru, as she worked a wrinkle out of her skirt, "how do you play the cadenza in Rachmaninoff Three?"

"Loud," he said with a glance over his shoulder and a sly smile. "Very."

"And the ending of the finale?" she asked with a fetching smile of her own.

"Fast. Very."

"Hmmm," she said thoughtfully, and it occurred to Kuryakin that she wasn't asking just to make idle chitchat. This girl had an agenda, and since this opportunity had presented itself, he too would take advantage of it.

"So Miss Kaioh, if I may ask …"

She nodded to his reflection in the mirror.

"… do you aspire to a solo career, or would being an orchestral player be enough?"

"I haven't decided on music, yet. If I do, I would very much prefer a solo career. I do like the orchestral literature and sit in with 'festival' orchestras now and then, but the solo literature for violin is so extensive and, besides, who doesn't want to be the star? You looked like you were enjoying yourself up there."

"You were there."

"After Hotaru called you, we listened to you on the radio."

"And then we watched it on TV Sunday afternoon," Hotaru added.

"Ah. I hope Saturday's performance was the one they used. We were tighter that night."

"Actually, Kuryakin-sensei," said Hotaru, sounding smugly knowledgeable, "they started with Friday's, and then went to Saturday's."

"How do you know that, Hotaru-kun?"

"About mid way through, your tuxedo was different."

"I see. How do you know which day I wore which suit?" he asked.

"Actually, I don't I … no wait, you were watching the conductor like a hawk for the first part, and then you barely had to look at him during the second part. So, it makes sense that the second part was after you'd had more time in front of that orchestra."

"A good inference, Hotaru-kun. And a correct one."

"Also, the audience seemed to be more enthusiastic about your performance than we heard on the radio."

"Saturday night they were. Funny. Friday night went fine, but I'm not overly demonstrative when I play. Afterward, the conductor told me this audience would like me better if I put more body language into it. So Saturday night, I did nothing different but add some movement, and he was right. They ate it up."

"I can imagine," said Michiru. "The NHK crowd doesn't think your heart is in it, unless you 'sell it.' It _is_ funny, because a very animated performance can be utterly uninspired, while an undemonstrative performance can be filled with passion."

"Indeed. Put the passion in the music. The rest will follow. Miss Kaioh, how did I look up there?"

"I thought you played wonderfully," said Michiru.

"I know I played well - it was only Gershwin. I mean did I look good?"

"I wouldn't have thought you vain, Mister Kuryakin," said Michiru, chuckling.

"Only a little."

"Well," said Hotaru a little too casually, "you must have looked okay, to judge from the way Setsuna-momma watched the entire thing."

"Did she?" asked Michiru. "She said she wasn't."

"I saw her reflection in the TV. She was watching."

Kuryakin had been unusually chatty and verbose to this point. This revelation silenced him for the rest of the trip to the dolphinarium. Haruka may have noticed, but she continued to watch the passing scenery as Hotaru looked smugly back at Michiru.


	11. Chapter 04 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**By Phoenix2772**

**Chapter 004-This is This and That is That**

**(Part 4)**

"But am I to tell them at home that this man's sensuality

proved _less_ of an obstacle _[to entering Heaven]_ than that

poor woman's love for her son? For that was, at any rate,

an excess of love?"

"Ye'll tell them no such thing!" he replied sternly. "Excess

of love, did ye say? There was no excess of love. There was

_defect_. She loved her son too little, not too much. If she had

loved him more there'd be no difficulty …"

**C.S. Lewis - _The Great Divorce_**

Neither could the Devil be happy _[in Eden]_ with

all his knowledge; for he wanted innocence to

make him so … Wherever inordinate affections

are, 'tis Hell.

**John Dryden**

Love is the accurate assessment and

the adequate supply of another person's need.

_-Anonymous_

They arrived at the Izu Dolphinarium about 9:30, and since Hotaru had been here before, was the only one going into the tank, and could recite from memory all the rules of safety and methodology about letting the dolphins make first contact to Dr. Saito, she did not have to sit through the 35 minute lecture this time. Hotaru happily emerged from the changing rooms in her new dolphin gray bathing suit with a beach towel around her neck, and greeted Dr. Saito's assistant. She remembered Hotaru well, and said she could call her 'Yoshi-chan.' They began working at once to attract the dolphins.

"How did you get this place all alone for her?" Michiru asked, as Haruka looked casually around.

"It's a Monday, a slow day for them. There'll be another group here around 11:00, but that's it today. As an educator, I can reserve a time slot for my class here even if it's only for one student. She had a lot of fun the last time, but she tired quickly. Fun is too serious a business to tire out so quickly. I want to see if she's gotten any stronger."

Haruka was watching Hotaru's first run around the tank holding on to a dolphin's dorsal fin, when she saw something else that sparked her interest, and casually sauntered over to the other side of the pool.

In suggesting this trip with Hotaru and her tutor, Michiru had an agenda of which she had not told Haruka, though Haruka probably had a pretty good idea of what she was up to anyway. She had been honest enough in telling her that she wanted to set Setsuna's mind at ease if possible, though she had as little hope of that as Haruka had. Like Setsuna, she had reason to believe that Kuryakin was 'more than he let on.' Unlike Setsuna, she had a more solid reason than a few curious observations and vague suspicions. However, the reason she was aware of it also served to make her trust him far more than she would any ordinary stranger. She didn't quite know _what_ was happening, or going to happen, but she had seen something in her mirror, and while it was puzzling in the extreme, she saw no other option than to keep her own council, and let it play out for a while. As for today, she had thought about how she was going to approach this, and with Haruka distracted taking pictures of Hotaru, this looked like a good time to begin. She invited Kuryakin to join her taking in the view from the upper deck. Now, as she and Kuryakin looked over the railing and down at the pool she thought she would start by avenging Haruka's discomfiture a bit.

"So," said Michiru, as she sidled up right next to Kuryakin, "I thought you would be joining them in the tank?"

"No."

"A shame," she said, almost brushing against him, and lowering her voice a bit. "You seem rather fit, and I thought I was going to get to find out."

His eyes widened a bit and he looked at her warily.

"Uh, … no," he said, looking slightly uncomfortable, "… you won't." _'What is this now?'_

"You don't strike me as … _shy_, Mister Kuryakin" she said, smiling.

"I was in the military, Miss Kaioh. I have some scars to show for it. I avoid situations involving bathing suits."

'_Now we're getting somewhere,' _thought Michiru_. _ "Scars are nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed," he said. "I try to avoid drawing attention to myself or having to explain how I got them, or making others … uncomfortable,_ unnecessarily_."

She was now right next to him, looking very coy. The girl seemed to be coming on to him: a superbly incongruous idea and not unpleasant to think about, but it couldn't be that.

"Something on your mind, Miss Kaioh?" he asked rather suavely.

"Let's play a game," she said, her eyes suddenly flashing with subtle ferocity.

"Hmm. I like games."

"The game is called 'This is This and That is That.'"

"How's it played?"

"I ask a question. You answer it. Then, you ask a question and I answer it."

"What if I," he said, looking dubious "– or you- feel it's a question one can't answer?"

"That's often an answer in its own way, isn't it?"

"Yes," he agreed. "And even the questions themselves would be … informative."

"Exactly."

"The game sounds dangerous."

"Mister Kuryakin, you don't look like someone who scares easily."

"Not for a long time now," he said with a hint of a smile. "I'm thinking of you, Miss Kaioh. Which of us has … fewer answers to give? More … secrets to keep?"

"Perhaps I am more interested in what secrets have _not_ been kept."

"Ahhh. I'm at a disadvantage though. There is Miss Meioh's injunction not to pry into things too much."

"Oh? Backing down from a challenge, especially one from a meek, little girl?" asked Michiru, as she coyly crossed her hands below the waist and coquettishly lowered her eyes.

"Miss Kaioh," he smiled. "You are neither meek, nor a 'little girl.' By all means: ladies first."

"How old are you, Mister Kuryakin?"

"Old enough to know better, Miss Kaioh."

"Evasive," she tsked and smiled.

"That's all I can give you. My turn and since I couldn't help you there, I'll start with something easy: you … belong in places like this," he said, sweeping his hand toward the clear, autumn blue of the sky, and the dingier blue of the Pacific. "Your hair looks a veritable wave upon that ocean. Tell me, what do you think of these dolphinariums? Ever given them much thought?"

'_An odd opening move,'_ thought Michiru, as she watched Hotaru, who was being pulled across the tank by dolphin and apparently having the time of her life. Her look became thoughtful and ambivalent. "I have, a little. I'm a bit torn between their obvious educational and recreational value, and an inherent dislike for seeing anything … caged up."

"Hotaru felt the same way at first. She disliked them less once she heard about how they help injured dolphins and then release them. An odd thing happened the first time she was here. It looked like the dolphins were all afraid of her."

"Really? What happened?"

"Does that count as one of your questions?"

"No," she said slyly.

"They congregated on the opposite side from her," Kuryakin said casually. "Then one of them got brave enough to approach her. The rest saw that she was okay and things went swimmingly after that. This seems to be the same bunch, though I don't see that bull that was monopolizing her time during our previous trip. And that Dusky Dolphin is new."

"I wonder where they got her? Those are specific to the coastal waters of the southern hemisphere."

"Yes. And it _is_ a female. I'm impressed with your knowledge of the oceans and their fauna, Miss Kaioh."

_'Goodness'_ thought Michiru, who betrayed nothing by remaining completely calm. _'Didn't see that coming. At all. __Was that intentional__ …?'_

"The rest of them do remember her, though," Kuryakin continued, so smoothly that, coupled with how focused he was on Hotaru, Michiru got the sense that was just happenstance. "Look at how they've surrounded her. Like an audience with the queen."

"Yes. On the whole though," she said, while making a mental note to mind her replies better and stay on the offensive, "I don't think I like these parks."

"They do provide a nature experience for the handicapped."

"Is that why you've brought Hotaru here, twice? She is … handicapped and needs … therapy?"

"Perhaps. As I said, I want to see if she's gotten any stronger, but in general, I think it good for her to have genuine contact with real life. See how open, carefree and animated she is right now? Can't get that from a textbook. Usually, she's closed up, despite the fine job you've done raising her."

Michiru looked pleasantly surprised. "You think we've done a really good job with her?"

"An excellent job. She's as well adjusted as can be, under the circumstances."

"Thank you," she said, genuinely. "We've never even thought to ask anyone how we were doing, but it's nice to know."

"She could have done worse. I know of cases …," his voice trailed off.

"Were you an orphan?"

"No," said Kuryakin. "My parents are fine, and my grandparents, and all my brothers and sisters. I come from a big family. That's about three or four questions from you. My turn again. How do you and Tomboy Kitten come to live in that big, beautiful house, jet set around, and have all the leisure time in the world?"

"As for leisure time, our school practically pays _us_ to go there. As long as we don't embarrass them, they don't get too fussy about attendance."

"And the big house, and such?"

Michiru looked slightly embarrassed, but finally said, "We have wealthy patrons who support our artistic and athletic endeavors."

"Wealthy patrons," he asked looking at her with just the slightest hint of salacity in his otherwise inscrutable expression. "Miss Kaioh, there are no stars in my eyes. I make no judgements, no assumptions, but if I may ask, are these patrons corporate or private?"

"You're good at this game. _Corporate_ sponsors. People often assume we have 'private patrons,' and sometimes make comments, or spread rumors. I do find that embarrassing from time to time."

"You _are_ a lady, Miss Kaioh."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "But I'm not really … _proper_."

"I didn't mean it in _that_ sense, exactly. A lady can be someone who gets things done, when it's important enough."

"Thank you, anyway. Haruka takes it far more lightly than I do, but then, as you've noticed, she likes being _provocative_. Contrary to common perception, there really isn't that much sex happening in private patronage. Early on, I was approached a few times, as was Haruka. And it was clear in both cases _that_ was expected. But about that time, we met each other, and declined that way of life. I can't honestly say it was for anything like moral reasons, more like … aesthetic ones."

"It's nice you seem to _wish_ it could be for moral reasons," Kuryakin said coolly.

"And," Michiru continued, after a slight but very girlish chuckle, "there were other reasons that we thought it best to throw in with each other."

"You are a … _bon bon_ (rich kid)."

"I do have an allowance from my parents, but not nearly what people would think. I could do without it. I prefer to stand on my own."

"An attitude I respect, Miss Kaioh."

"Thank you," she said sincerely, and was intrigued at how quickly he'd understood exactly _how_ to compliment her. "But my parents insisted, no strings attached, so it seemed foolish to turn it down. And despite appearances, we're very careful with the support I get from the Yamaha Performing Artists Group and the Fuji-Sankei Arts Council, and Haruka's Toyota F1 sponsorship."

"Miss Kaioh, the world is not as we wish it. There are no solutions; only trade-offs. Nonetheless, I am happy to hear your patrons are corporate only."

"Oh?"

"It's obvious you and Tenoh-san are 'one'," he said, as he crossed the fingers on one hand, "any 'compensated dating' would ruin it. Aesthetics, as you say. It just wouldn't fit. Your turn."

"Hotaru said you feel music is the second best thing you do. What is the first thing?"

"I cannot tell you that."

"Tsk. Does it have to do with … having been in the military?"

He looked thoughtfully to the sky, and said, "yes."

"I see. State secrets, I take it?"

"Something like that."

"I've come off badly so far," she said with a disappointment not entirely feigned. "I think I'm owed another question or two. Where did you study music?"

"Self taught. Had to be. Long story short, I'm slightly dyslexic. It bedeviled me for a long time. Music, and later, learning languages not unlike yours, helped me find my own ways of learning. They're better ways, too, at once more comprehensive and efficient."

"Interesting. How'd you get in with the NHK?"

"I've played for a few 'corporate orchestras' – I've even conducted them."

"Oh," said Michiru slyly, "so you have 'corporate patrons,' too."

He smiled quite openly. "Not like you do. The conductor that night was somebody I performed under with Yamaha's Orchestra. He won NHK's young conductor's contest last spring. Friday was his big debut. When that scheduled soloist came up sick …"

"Did he really eat pufferfish for lunch?"

"Yes. How irresponsible. He was Japanese, so it wasn't like he didn't know the risks. What kind of fool does that? Anyway, they wanted my friend to switch pieces. He's a tightly-wound individual to begin with, and when they told him that, he nearly had a breakdown. In desperation, he called early that afternoon, asked if I knew the piece and begged me to fill in. I got over there and we ran through it. No problem."

"I trust you were well paid for it."

"I did it for free."

"Free?" Michiru asked with genuine puzzlement.

"I can't take money for something I wasn't able to properly rehearse. Being on the same stage with a first rate orchestra, playing for a high class crowd, and helping a friend out of a jam was fun enough. And now, he owes me. Someday, I may call it in. Or not."

"You have very high – very professional standards."

"Miss Kaioh, ever wonder if there are places where high standards are the minimum expectation?" he asked rhetorically. "My turn. What's Tenoh-san about? Has she ever led some befuddled kitten on too far? Anybody gotten hurt?"

"Oh, no. Haruka wouldn't do that. She's playful, not mean. And she's very introspective which makes her seem serious. She actually has a very quaint streak of morality, which, under pressure, makes her judge others harshly, and herself the harshest of all."

"Morality? In the sense of acknowledging and trying to live up to universal virtues? I take her for more of a Code Hero, though I suspect that's a cover. Playful? Maybe, but the play – in order to be fun- must have a certain … _frisson_. Even the flirting, I suspect."

"_Something_ like that," Michiru smiled. "To the things and the people she loves? I have never met a more committed person. I almost envy her in that. Yes, she's brusque, she's competitive, annoyingly playful and flirtatious, but she's not mean."

"Hmmm. Miss Kaioh, let's get closer," he said offering her his arm.

"_Closer?_" Michiru purred.

"To the tank, I mean. Tenoh-san seems to be taking more than a passing interest in Dr. Saito's assistant."

Michiru looked across the tank. Haruka had gotten a towel from somewhere and was lying on her belly, chatting up "Yoshi-chan" from the edge of the pool. Despite being well-tanned, it was easy to see the girl was blushing. Michiru looked heavenward, then, in response, took Kuryakin's proffered arm very firmly, very obviously leaned into him, and glowered in Haruka's direction.

"Is this that streak of morality?" he deadpanned. "Your turn, Miss Kaioh."

The worst thing one could do in the presence of Michiru Kaioh was be boring. Kuryakin had been anything but. This had been a remarkably pleasant twenty minutes, but it was time to get serious.

"What do you think of Hotaru?" she asked.

"How do you mean?"

"Let's start with this: you, Mister Kuryakin, are spoiling her something fierce and I'm not the only one who has noticed. Have you been this generous with all your students?"

"You might be surprised, Miss Kaioh. I am no stranger to hard work. But continue …"

"I think you're hiding something behind all this … formality and professionalism. She's more than just a student to you. I suspect you have come to care for her - very much."

Michiru took a good deal of satisfaction in how long it took Kuryakin to answer. For his part, he wondered if Miss Meioh had put "The Kittens" up to sounding him out, or if just The Kittens were up to something, or if the elegant, charming and gorgeous young lady on his arm was working solo. It probably didn't matter, but his immediate sense was that she genuinely wanted to know because she cared about Hotaru, and had even taken a shine to … _him_. She had been quite forthcoming in not only her answers but, in some ways, even in her questions. He decided he could reciprocate.

"You're good at this, as well, Miss Kaioh. The night you called me -once I realized you were the people Miss Mayamura was talking about, was … interesting. Even discomfiting. Until now, I have been able to do what I do without having to ask -or answer- too many questions. And without having to … cross any lines. Up to now everyone has taken me at face value and accepted what I have to offer without getting nosy. I knew this was going to be different, dangerous even. I didn't want to take this job. I thought something like this interrogatory game of yours would happen eventually. But once I heard Hotaru's voice, I knew I would do it. I had to."

"Had to. Hmm. Why?"

"I expected Hotaru, as superbly smart as she is, to be very asynchronous in her development. In some ways, I've been pleasantly surprised. She's not nearly as bad off as I expected. As I said, she is quite well-adjusted. But I suspect, deeper down, there is something to be dealt with. I knew she needed still more. I heard it in her voice. I felt – and still feel more than ever, that I had to try and give her that 'something more',"

"If she needed anything further, we would have given it. She had only to ask."

"I'm certain, utterly, you would have, Miss Kaioh, but you'd given so much I think she would have felt ungrateful in asking for more, perhaps in even _realizing_ she needed more. Or perhaps asking something you were incapable of giving. Hotaru is very, very proper. I've seen her blush over the tiniest misstep. She was very nervous in the beginning. So I thought I should start by … well, charming her. It put her at ease a little. Then it became apparent that was a good way to keep her at ease, to strengthen and encourage her and to draw her out. It's all a part of how I do what I do."

Michiru thought this over, then asked, "This 'doing what you do:' _why_ do you do it?"

"That is a long and tortuous tale. The short version is I can no longer conceive of living life any other way."

"How do you feel about Hotaru's midterms?"

"Anxious."

"Why? Hotaru has progressed to amazing degree. We're all … well, rather impressed, really."

"Thank you, Miss Kaioh. That is very kind. Hotaru is obedient to a fault. If she should freeze up, or for some other reason does not do well, my current approach will have failed. That means I will have to get tougher on her. At this point, I … let's just say I'm glad she solved that riddle. It would have been hard to deny her this trip even if she hadn't," he said looking down. Michiru smiled at having gotten that one right.

"I would have done it though," he said firmly. "I must be consistent. I have done very hard things in my life."

"Like what?" asked Michiru coyly yet brightly, unable to resist such an opening as that.

Kuryakin only smiled slightly and continued, "It would have been hard to be too tough on Hotaru even on the first day. I enjoy teaching such a gifted student. I'd hate to ruin it."

"Is that why you've insisted on doing things to make her physically stronger?"

"In case, I have to get tougher on her? Yes, in part. It might seem manipulative, and it is, a little. But really, it's all it in the fervent hope that in doing everything by the numbers, we'll avoid that."

Except for those "hard things" – a concept Michiru understood all too well, Kuryakin had been very forthcoming. She decided to go for broke.

"You love her, don't you?" she asked, very kindly.

Kuryakin took a long time to answer. "I have loved, or tried to love, all of the students I've tutored."

"Tried to? You were not successful in every case?"

"I hope that I was," Kuryakin said, looking very distant. "It is not for me to say, ultimately. Love, the way most people mean it, is a tricky thing. In another way, it's really quite simple. You will hear people say that they 'loved too much.' Nonsense. You can't love too much. It's not a quantity, it's a quality. There are only two kinds of love: Ordinate … and _Defective_."

"Ordinate?" Michiru asked, slightly puzzled.

"In the old, Augustinian sense of _ordo amoris_," Kuryakin replied. "With the kind and quality of love appropriate to its object."

"So, in Hotaru's case, that is the 'danger' of which you spoke? That you will love your student … defectively?"

"Yes."

"It's very easy to be wrong is one's assessment of what is ordinate."

"All too easy," Kuryakin agreed. "Which compounds the danger. Thus, I'm treading carefully with her. That in itself is strange. If I think it necessary, I can be all nine circles of hell on anybody else. There are several former students of mine who can testify to that. When someone puts themselves in my hands, I take that very seriously – especially since I'm being paid. In all the other cases, a certain detachment allowed me to see clearly what they needed. I think I've gotten it right in every instance so far. But with her, it's hard to see clearly. I fear I am too close with this one."

"So you've done more for her than any other past students?"

"There are some that come close. It's … so easy with her. I don't know why," he said, morosely. "If I could figure it out, it would make it easier to … love her ordinately. I mean, there are times when I …"

'_Is he starting to choke up?' _thought Michiru, as his breath caught and his face seemed to flush for a moment.

"No need to say anymore, Mister Kuryakin. This show of vulnerability is very … charming."

"Invincibility is overrated, Miss Kaioh."

"Perhaps," she said, as she suddenly felt it would be the most natural thing in the world to lean her head against his arm, and did so. "I suppose it is unprofessional, but in this case, I like that you are 'too close.' I think you are handling things just right, and I think it bodes well for solving her particular problem. Speaking of which, have you discovered what is causing her to freeze up?"

He sank deep into thought for a few minutes and then proceeded.

"I noticed something that first day. It makes me wonder …"

"Yes?"

"If you can tell me without revealing too much, how does Hotaru relate to Miss Meioh? What does she think of her?"

Now it was Kuryakin's turn to take satisfaction from how long and hard Michiru thought about her answer.

"This is important to helping Hotaru?" she asked.

"Crucial, possibly."

Deciding it would be okay to reveal a little of their home life, she said, "Hotaru truly admires her, even adores her. Setsuna is the one she wants most to be like. She loves us all, but the bond between her and Setsuna is very close. No biological mother and daughter could be closer."

"One more thing: Hotaru is very obedient. If something ever brought her into conflict with Miss Meioh, how would she react? Has such a thing ever happened?"

"I don't know how she would react. I can't imagine it happening really."

'_Bingo,'_ thought Kuryakin.

"What made you think the problem could have something to do with Setsuna?"

"When probable causes have been eliminated," he said, evasively, "the rest, however improbable, must be considered. Like you Miss Kaioh, Hotaru is quietly but deeply complex. She's so meek at times, like she feels she's unworthy even of life itself. I can't let that stand without trying to help."

'_How odd,'_ Michiru thought. _'Just like … Tsukino-san. How very, very odd.'_

"Her father was Soichi Tomoe, the geneticist, right?"

"Yes."

"So, Hotaru lost her birth mother in that construction fire at Infinity Academy. She lost her father when that earthquake destroyed it. A singularly unfortunate place, that Infinity Academy," he said in an almost deadpan fashion, such that Michiru had to wonder again if he 'knew something.' "It's no wonder she's a bit lost. She's precocious. Sometimes she seems like a baby, and other times she seems so grown up, like she's literally – not 'developmentally,' but literally, physically – aged too fast. She's handling it beautifully, but she is clearly asynchronous in her development, and in a way I've never seen before."

'_Wow, he does have good intuition,'_ thought Michiru. "So she … how do they say it? … doesn't know herself?"

"Now there's the strange thing, Miss Kaioh," he said perking up. He turned to look her directly in the eye, and taking her hand in both of his, said in a firm, almost-whisper, "She _does_ know herself. Yes, she does. For some reason, she's uncomfortable with it. In fact, at times, she almost seems terrified by it. What could cause her to feel that way, Miss Kaioh?" he asked, with a very strange and firm look on his face. "Any idea?"

"Nothing comes to mind," she very smoothly lied. "Can you think of anything else to do for her, that you aren't all ready doing?"

"If it were possible, I would give her innocence."

"Really?" she asked, as if that was about the kindest thing she'd ever heard.

"Miss Kaioh," he said quietly, "I think _you_ will understand this: some people are too innocent to be tempted to despair; others, having been so tempted and surviving it, are immune to despair, by inoculation as it were."

"Yes," she nodded. "I do understand you. Perfectly. Haruka would understand, too.

"And – I think – Miss Meioh," Kuryakin added very casually.

"Yes. So then, which is Hotaru?"

"If we're lucky, she'll be the second kind. Innocent as she seems, she'll never be the first. To put it crudely, 'the devil' has gotten at this girl. I know something of that. I mean to get her back. I know something about that, too. I will never be enough to do it. But maybe together …"

"How?"

"By muddling through, Miss Kaioh."

"We will," she said. "Mister Kuryakin? You play this game well."

"And _you,_ Miss Kaioh" he said, lightly squeezing her hand, "are a worthy opponent. I'd bet this is not the only game you play well. Just for you, I will keep doing my best."

* * *

"Hotaru, time for lunch," Michiru called down to the pool.

"Already?" she called back. The expected group of students arrived and that would be the end of their monopoly on quality dolphin time.

"So, My Kittens, what do you have in your picnic basket?" Kuryakin asked a few minutes later as Hotaru was toweling herself off.

"Oh, just sandwiches, and salads, and such," said Michiru.

"If you'd like a hot meal, I brought enough for us all."

"You were expecting guests today?"

"When you said 'we'll be ready' it didn't sound rhetorical," said Kuryakin. "It's always better to have 'too much' than 'not enough.'"

He'd brought a primus stove and a cooking bowl big enough to reheat the buckwheat noodles with mixed vegetables and crab meat he'd prepared before picking them up.

"It's so much more fun this time," said Hotaru, as she dug into her favorite dish.

Kuryakin smiled a slightly gratified smile.

They ate heartily, and then Kuryakin had a special treat for Hotaru, something he called S'mores. He demonstrated the tricky art of browning a marshmallow without setting it on fire, and then showed her how to put it together with the chocolate bar and graham crackers, and suggested she wait just a moment for the toasted marshmallow to melt the chocolate a little. She had never tasted anything so delicious. In fact, it was a bit too rich for her, but Haruka subtly watched all this and thought she'd like that too, instead of the cheesecake he'd brought. Four torched marshmallows later, Kuryakin realized she must be the one of the group who could burn a pot of water. Hotaru cooked her one to perfection and the great American campfire snack became a favored delicacy of Haruka Tenoh from that moment on. Michiru stuck with the cheesecake, as did Kuryakin. Hotaru took note that two pieces were left and took that to mean that he may have been hoping Setsuna would be joining them as well. She weighed whether to tick off another box.

Hotaru then spent another hour with the dolphins and could gone have longer, so she said, but it wasn't quite as much fun having to share. Before leaving the pool, she did get a round of applause when she rode a jump with a pair of dolphins, going under the water with them, into the air, and back under the water, something she had worked on that morning. Kuryakin seemed to take considerable pleasure in the pluck this little trick required of Hotaru, especially bringing it off in front of a crowd.

As they were beginning to pack up for the drive back, Kuryakin asked Haruka if she wanted to drive. She weighed the pros and cons for a minute. Part of her discomfiture on the way down here had been that some else was driving. She hated that, on principle. On the other hand, it was a _minivan._ What if someone she knew saw her driving one?

"How big is the engine?"

"4.0 liter."

She took the keys from him.

"You do have a license, then?" he asked.

"If you don't want me to drive, why ask?"

Kuryakin rode shotgun, and Hotaru sat next to Michiru in the middle passenger seat. Within a few minutes, she was resting her head against Michiru, and nodding off. The real test would come when they got her back home. If she had gotten stronger, she would be recovered from the day's considerable exertions after the nap, and be able to finish the reviewing he had in mind for that day. He had brought along everything he needed, so they could do this at their house. Glancing at his watch, he asked Michiru if that would inconvenience anyone, and she said "no, not at all." Haruka put the van in gear, and they headed home. Soon after that, Michiru was napping as well. A little later, Haruka glanced over at Kuryakin, and though she couldn't tell for certain because of his sunglasses, it looked as if he was asleep too. When they reached the outskirts of Tokyo she was sure, because of the way suddenly jerked awake.

"Thanks for driving," he said, after he recovered himself a bit. "I needed a nap myself."

"Really," said Haruka, trying to feign a little interest.

"I haven't been sleeping well lately."

A few more miles passed. Haruka wished that Michiru would wake up to take any coming burden of conversation off of her. When she didn't, Haruka decided it wouldn't be too taxing to mention something she had noticed.

"Even for a 4.0, this thing's got a lot of pick up."

"I tweaked the engine."

"Good gas mileage, too," she said. "More tweaking?"

"The usual things. Gold plug cables, and I reverse engineered some things. Lightened the vehicle."

"Hmmm."

"Ten-oh Har-u-ka," said slowly, emphasizing each syllable, "Speed Racer. Hot shot prodigy in all forms of auto and motorcycle racing. Hangs with the boys and sometimes makes them cry."

"I try," she said plainly, but with a slight smirk.

"Occasionally you succeed. You were holding second place in your first Dakar Rally until your engine blew in the penultimate leg. Won it last year. Unheard of, very impressive. And you've won in other circuits and at motocross, too."

"You looked me up. I'm touched," she in a voice almost belied her complete indifference. "I had a much better crew last time out at Dakar."

"Ever wreck?"

"Twice. Not my fault, either time."

"I see."

"You don't believe me?" she asked, caring little whether he did or didn't.

"Why wouldn't I? It's a tough sport. No shame in a crash or two."

"Right. You just get back on the track as soon as possible."

"Yes," he nodded respectfully toward her.

"Had a few crashes in your life?" she asked, with slight interest.

"One or two," he admitted.

"Were they your fault?" she asked, beginning to enjoy this exchange a little.

"No comment, Tenoh-san," he replied, looking back at Hotaru and Michiru. He thought he caught Hotaru quickly shutting an open eye, and smiled.

"These vans don't come with a 4.0. Why put one in?"

"Practicality doesn't mean I don't like speed. And I don't like losing power to the AC in summer."

"Tough retrofit?"

"Nope, just had to strengthen engine mounts, and the suspension system. And add skinny mag wheels."

"Do you have any other cars?"

"There is a 'unique fixer-upper' opportunity I'm working on right now. I've almost got it running."

"Classic car?"

"Definitely," he said firmly.

"What?"

"Not saying, unless and until I get it working. Hotaru mentioned you have an impressive fleet of cars."

"No big deal. Ferraris mostly," she said off-handedly. "A Maserati or two. One that I really like. And four motorcycles; one cruising, one racing and two motocross."

"Toyota's been good to you, I take it. Do you have any of theirs?"

"Nope," Haruka said flatly. "Just because I race for them doesn't mean I have to put my tastes on hold. Maybe when they get a little better, or do something original - that I really like."

"Agreed. Good quality, but hand-me-down in style. I like your confidence, Tenoh-san."

"It's not confidence. I just don't care what anyone thinks."

"Except for Miss Kaioh," said Kuryakin as he leaned back to grab a bit more sleep, "or when it comes to driving a minivan."

The tiny smile on Haruka's face served as the last word in their conversation. She had to admit she had enjoyed the exchange. _"Yes, except for 'Miss Kaioh,'"_ she whispered. As Sailor Uranus, Haruka was "the soldier of the wind" and like the wind, she knew not from whence she arose, nor wither she was going. At times, the going seemed to be all that mattered. Not always, though. Thank God for Michiru, she thought as she looked at her in the rear view mirror: her warm, understanding oasis of comfort, rest, forgetfulness and solace from a solitude permeated by the ache her heart was born with. She glanced over at Kuryakin who seemed to be asleep again.

'_He's okay, I guess,'_ thought Haruka, as they approached the Tokyo Aqualine. _'He has the same look of a wanderer.'_

They arrived at the house twenty minutes later. Hotaru checked off a "he likes her" box when Kuryakin brought a piece of cheesecake in and asked Michiru to put it in their fridge for Miss Meioh when she got home. She was indeed sufficiently rested to complete the review session. About midway through it, Setsuna called. After Michiru was done talking to her, Hotaru asked if that was Setsuna and when she would be home. Michiru explained that she'd called to say she would be staying late at K.O. University to finish up some research and have dinner with one of her professors. She wouldn't be home until about 8:30. Hotaru wondered if Kuryakin would show any reaction to this since, so it occurred to her, he may have arranged things to be here when she got home. He did not. Even when he heard the part about dinner with one of her professors, he didn't miss a beat getting back into the review. If he did have feelings for her, he was one maddeningly cool customer about it.

"So, Michiru dear," said Haruka, as they quietly sipped some tea. "You two talked for quite a while. Was he _that_ interesting?"

"Yes."

"Find out everything you wanted?"

"Everything? No. He knew exactly what I was up to, in every way."

"That suggests an agenda," Haruka said, before taking another sip.

"Oh?" Michiru replied with a slight smile.

"People say they hate talking about themselves. It's a lie. Get them going, they won't stop."

"Given the situation," Michiru said quietly, "he was as forthcoming as anyone could be about their private life. And I did learn enough, I think."

"Care to tell me about it?"

"Let's just say, I see no reason not to trust him. Hotaru is in very good hands."

"That's good enough for me."

Before Kuryakin left, he had a little pep talk with his pupil.

"Hotaru-kun: you were able to stay in the pool much longer today. Good to see. You perked right up after your nap on the way back. Also, good. Aside from the very serious business of having good fun, the reason I took you there today was to see if you'd gotten stronger physically. You have. I want you to clearly understand that you are stronger now."

She nodded.

"What we're doing," he continued, "is working. You are ready for midterms. I am as confident of you as I have ever been of _any_ student I've taught. Even Ami Mizuno."

Kuryakin did not say things like that unless he meant them, and she blushed a little at this high praise.

"I'll see you tomorrow. And then, Wednesday and Thursday, it's all up to you. You will not fail. Good night, Hotaru-kun."

"Good night, Kuryakin-sensei," she said as he left. And then she decided to probe a little. "It was so nice having you here again. I'm sorry Setsuna-momma wasn't here this time to say 'hi.'"

His only response was to look over his shoulder at her, and raise his arm in farewell.

Setsuna got home a few hours later.

When she came to tuck Hotaru into bed, she told Setsuna of the day's events, of Kuryakin-sensei's confidence in her progress, and mentioned that there was a piece of blueberry cheesecake in the refrigerator for her. Setsuna smiled, stroked her shiny hair, kissed her on the cheek, and left. She dozed off mumbling the words "I will not fail."


	12. Chapter 05 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**By Phoenix2772**

* * *

**Chapter 005-Modi Vivendi **

**(Part 1)**

* * *

Midterms were required for a student who had a private teacher, but there was some flexibility in how and when they could be administered. This was very helpful since Kuryakin followed the American academic calendar. The tests could be taken at a local school, district education offices, or even at the Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology (MEXT) itself. In Hotaru's case, there were two logical choices: Juuban Elementary, since Setsuna worked there, or Haruka and Michiru's private school, Funabashi Academy. The latter was chosen. He would have to pay for a proctor and Hotaru would be testing alone. Kuryakin hoped knowing Haruka and Michiru were nearby and thinking of her would help.

As the teacher of a gifted and talented student -one of the few he'd ever taken on- he would first have to have a conference with a MEXT official about what curriculum he had used with her, as they were always chary about anyone using something they had not approved. He could understand this, but he was never completely satisfied with any textbooks or curriculum guides published in Japan, or anywhere else for that matter, and was perfectly willing to say so to any official's face and spell out a litany of complaints if they had unwisely chosen to press the matter. By the third year of his tutoring practice, he had, essentially, written his own "Modular Spiral Curriculum Template" which he could then apply to nearly any subject matter. This is what he would have to show the ministry official. This time around, he was dealing with someone he had dealt with before. He knew the tests Hotaru would take would be derived from whatever MEXT had on hand that matched the modules she had been taught. In some cases, she would be taking college level tests, but he was able to wrangle a bit with the official to have the test content reprinted in standardized format so that Hotaru would not find herself jumping from one testing format to another. As long as he was willing to foot the bill, this would be allowed. The conference was taken care of, the bills paid, and the proctor arrived at Funabashi Academy at 8:30 in the morning with the standardized tests in hand.

Kuryakin had another little pep talk with Hotaru. She was a bit nervous, and he had a little trick in mind.

"Okay, close your eyes."

She did. He put his hand on her back.

"Now just relax."

He started rubbing in a circle until her upper back started to feel warm.

"Relax … relax … relax …"

He kept this up for a few minutes, until she seemed a bit mesmerized and then slowly lifted his hand, and quietly stepped away. Hotaru didn't seem to notice. He was crouching in front her now, and her eyes were still closed. He waited another minute or so.

"Hotaru-kun?"

Her eyes snapped open, and she stared at him for a moment.

"Oh, that's weird."

"Isn't it, though? Now, if at any time today you start to feel like you're going to freeze up, just think about how you felt the moment you realized I wasn't rubbing your back anymore, then remember how you thought I was, and you will feel that warmth in your back. It's all about what's in your head. Take your time, see what is being asked of you, and answer it. You will not freeze up. And you will score very well on every test. Go get 'em."

She went in and met the proctor and without further ado, they began. She started out a bit nervous, but then got a little disgusted. _'I know this stuff cold,'_ she thought. She sailed through the first two, and then took a break for lunch. In between classes, Haruka and Michiru came by to see how she was doing. Each time, they found Kuryakin sitting on a bench by the door of the room where she was testing, looking deathly serious.

"Tenoh-san, Miss Kaioh," he said, as he sat staring over clasped hands as though he were trying to burn a hole through the opposite wall. There was no flippancy, no "My Dear Kittens" talk today. He was all business, and Haruka definitely liked him better –or rather disliked him less- this way.

"How is she doing?" Michiru asked.

"Wonderfully, near as I can tell. She certainly hasn't frozen up. Yet. But those are some long, tough tests for some one so young."

Hotaru came out of the first day's testing smiling. She told them that it was pretty hard getting through such lengthy tests, but not once did she feel that she was going to freeze up, and she was sure that she had done very well on most of it.

Except that she was taking different tests, the next day was a carbon copy of the first. The final test of the day was Physical Education. Part of it was written and easily passed; the other part of it was practical. This was the only time on the second day she was nervous. Nevertheless, she did pretty well on some tumbling runs, managed a 200 meters dash in decent time, and ended it with the 50 meter freestyle in the pool, which she was allowed to take in lieu of an 800 meter run. Michiru-momma was there to cheer her on and she did it in a personal best.

Kuryakin had the results the next afternoon, and his relief was evident when he called Setsuna with the news. She had scored in the top percentile of the 11th grade level or better in all but one area, physical education, though even there she had scored better than she ever had before. This was secondary to the fact that she had not once come close to blacking out. Whatever he had done, how ever it worked in the labyrinths of her mind, everyone was pleased with the results. He was sure now of how to teach her, and could direct his thoughts to solving her real problem.

* * *

**Author's Note:** In Japan, the number four is considered inauspicious because one of the two words for "four" (yon / shi) is pronounced the same as the word for death (shi). Therefore, one should not make presents that consist of four pieces, etc. In some hotels and hospitals, the room number four is skipped.

* * *

It had been ten days since her midterms, and Hotaru sprang from her bed, as excited as a child on Christmas morning. Today was Setsuna-momma's birthday. It was a funny thing to think of the time guardian having an actual birth date, but no funnier than the Senshi of Destruction having one. Because it fell on a Saturday this year, there was a bit more planned for this day than the usual low key affair for celebrating birthdays in Japan. Most of it was going to come from Hotaru, including something special she and her tutor had cooked up just this week.

She could hear stirrings downstairs. From the sound of it, Haruka was fixing breakfast, or trying to. Then she saw Michiru in a bath robe, with her hair wrapped in a towel, hurriedly leave their bedroom and rush downstairs to help, as if she had, just a moment ago, realized Haruka was downstairs in the kitchen 'working without a net.' Hotaru smiled as she got to the edge of the stairs, and heard Michiru talking Haruka through how to make pancakes properly. She went stealthily down to take a peak and saw her standing with her arms around Haruka guiding her through the pouring. Haruka didn't seem to mind too much. Hotaru went back upstairs, just into time to see Setsuna's bedroom door open, and Setsuna coming out, already dressed for the day.

"Happy birthday, Setsuna-momma," she called, running to her.

"Thank you, Hotaru," she smiled and put a hand on Hotaru's shoulder guiding her back to her room, to get dressed. "So what plans have you for me this day?"

"It's a secret."

"Of course," she said, "Let us dress now."

Egg white omelets, buckwheat pancakes with blueberry syrup, juice and coffee were spread out on the table when Hotaru and Setsuna came down.

"Happy birthday, Setsuna," Haruka and Michiru said together, as Haruka seated her at the table and breakfast began. Later that morning, they took her for a seaside drive, and then to a Water Fountain Park and Tea Garden, where Hotaru and Haruka took a few of the low intensity rides together, while Michiru and Setsuna sampled various teas. Then they went to the Shinagawa Aquarium, after having lunch at a nearby restaurant. They returned home about three in the afternoon, so the real party could begin.

After decompressing from their outing, Hotaru had Setsuna sit on the couch in front of the TV, put a shiny, pointed, purple party hat with a pink paper fringe and top on her, and said, "now, it's time for the news." She produced a DVD disk and put it in the player. After a few moments of blue screen, some music began and a graphic came up:

**Firefly Productions**

**presents the**

**Global Timeline News Network**

"What is this now?" Setsuna whispered to Haruka and Michiru, who had also donned party hats and sat down to her left.

"No idea," Haruka whispered, "this is all her doing."

"Oh, how cute!" said Michiru as Hotaru appeared on the screen sitting behind an anchor's desk, wearing a women's business jacket ensemble, with a chipper smile reading some copy.

Then the music faded and the cameras switched to face front.

"_Konnichi wa. Tomoe Hotaru des'," _said Hotaru, in a cutely official sounding voice,_ "… and this is GTNN, the Global Timeline News Network. Here is our top story:_

_This day in 1929 marked the beginning of The Great Depression …_

Haruka covered her mouth to suppress a snort of laughter.

…_Known as Black Tuesday, it was the third of three "Black Days" that began the previous Thursday. Black Thursday was the first sign of the end of a great bull market of the 1920's. In the previous five years, the Dow Jones Industrial Average had quintupled in value, reaching a peak of 318 plus on September 3__rd__. Then began the first down turn that accelerated into the massive sell off on October 24__th__ in which a then record of 12.9 million shares traded hands. The next day the Wall Street Bankers met to try and stop the panic … _

"So, Hime-chan," whispered Haruka, "How many takes before you started hamming it up?"

"Three."

_On Black Monday, the NYSE lost 12 % of its value, which set off the panic selling of the next day …. _

"Why did you lead with that story?" asked Setsuna.

"It did trigger the worst economic depression in the industrialized world. Otherwise, there actually wasn't a lot that happened on this day," Hotaru replied.

"Alas, poor me," Setsuna pouted, "to be birthed on a day that is boring where it is not inauspicious,"

"Well," said Haruka, winking impishly, "Great Depression: Setsuna: they do kind of go together."

"Haruka …" Michiru said, as she elbowed her in the ribs.

"That's why you were born on this day, Setsuna-momma, to make up for it, and make it special," said Hotaru, and Setsuna reached out and stroked her cheek. Anchorwoman Tomoe then narrated several other events, including the premier of Mozart's _Don Giovanni_ in Prague in 1787, the beginning of the Suez Canal Crisis in 1956, the 1964 theft of the Star of India sapphire from the American Museum of Natural History, and the 1998 lift-off of the Space Shuttle Discovery with 77 year old John Glenn aboard, making him the world's oldest astronaut.

Accompanying pictures popped up as she continued: _"Notable people born on this day include Sir Edmond Halley, the English astronomer who was born in 1656, and successfully predicted the return of a comet which now bears his name: James Boswell, the famous biographer of Samuel Johnson, in 1740: and several famous Japanese were born on this date: in 1935, Takahata Isao, the animated film director whose collaborations with Hayao Miyazaki include the film Hotaru no Haka, widely considered to be one of the greatest animated films ever made; model Akiko Kojima in 1936, the first Miss Universe to come from Asia; music producer Tsunku in 1968, entrepreneur Takafumi Horie in 1972, and Idol Singer Makoto Ogawa in 1987. But the most important person born in Japan on this day was the beautiful, wonderful Setsuna Meioh, my Setsuna-momma. Happy birthday!"_

"Awww," said Michiru.

"When did you do this, anyway?" asked Haruka.

"Last Thursday."

Then anchorwoman Tomoe got an expectant look on her face as she said, "And now stay tuned for a GTNN historical exclusive: my one-on-one interview with the Emperor Napoleon."

There was a fadeout to a graphic that said insert commercial, and a running counter that counted down 60 seconds. With 15 seconds to go, Michiru got an inkling of what was coming, and said "Oh, no, he didn't …" The screen cut to Hotaru, sitting on a couch, with her hair pulled back, and a pair of glasses that made her look like Edna Mode from The Incredibles. She looked very serious and ready to conduct a real 'hardball' interview.

"This is Hotaru Tomoe with a GTNN exclusive. Please welcome to the set, the Emperor Napoleon."

Not much in life will prepare one for the sight of a six foot seven inch Napoleon in full imperial regalia, waist coat, breeches and all, stepping out of Jacques-Louis David's famous painting and strutting on to an interview set, as the "_La Marseillaise_" played in the background. _He_ had made his hairline match, with a wispy shock of hair in the front, but the sideburns, which he apparently refused to shave off under any circumstances, made it look like the French Emperor believed Elvis was very much alive. Then an onscreen graphic appeared, pointing to him, and saying "Not really Napoleon" as he began speaking Japanese in a stuffy French accent -"Konnee-chee- waaah, Mam'selle." Haruka had her hands over her mouth to keep from laughing. Michiru did laugh. Setsuna worked very hard not to, and succeeded brilliantly. Hotaru was blushing furiously at being the center of so much attention, but laughing too. She'd had no idea how funny this looked on camera.

"Good morning, Emperor," Anchorwoman Tomoe said cordially. "First let me say, you look much taller than in your pictures."

"Well, _ma cher_, zat is because history ees nyot only written by zee winners, eet is painted by zem tyoo."

Anchorwoman Tomoe then dove into her interview, beginning with biographical questions. It took several minutes for anyone of them to notice, but the "crawl" underneath, which was reporting the various things that had happened on this day, also contained an All Points Bulletin reporting that someone who thought he was Napoleon had escaped from a sanitarium and gave a number to call. Hotaru then asked a series of questions about imperial motives, battlefield tactics and, in general, brought up everything that might be a sore spot with the real Napoleon. Kuryakin played it well looking, in turn, frustrated, incensed and on the defensive for the whole interview. Especially cute was when she began edging toward him and accusing him of treating Josephine badly. He defended himself saying that she was the one always sleeping around, and talking about how he sent numerous love letters while out in the field, to which she never responded.

"Well, no wonder, since you weren't really there for her when she needed you," Hotaru said dramatically, after getting so close she backed him off the couch and on to the floor.

"How many takes to get that one right?" Haruka asked.

"Six."

The interview was over when he went on a rant, jumping up and down in the background yelling "Eet was Soult's fault! Eet was Ney's fault! Eet was Zhosephine's fault! Eet was zee fault of zee Rus-shans! Eet was zee fault of zee Eng-lesh!" while Hotaru calmly narrated the Battle of Waterloo, pointing out the tactical failures, primarily Ney's ill-advised cavalry charge, that led to Napoleon's defeat.

"Field Marshal Ney failed to define his mission," Hotaru said sagely. "Though his charge was premature, Ney had caught the British by surprise and overran their artillery batteries, giving him a golden opportunity to spike the cannons. If Ney had remembered what his charge was about -assuming he knew to begin with- if but one Frenchman in five thousand had remembered to bring along a few hammers and nails, a second charge would have broken Wellington's center and he would have been in full retreat by the time the Prussians arrived. Napoleon would then have easily defeated Blücher as he had three days previously. For want of a nail the kingdom was lost."

As Hotaru concluded the narrative, six men in white hospital scrubs appeared in the background. They rushed "Napoleon" and attempted to put a straightjacket on him, but given his size, this was difficult. He had two of them around the neck before the rest of them dogpiled him. Underneath a graphic appeared: "Kids! Do Not Try This at Home!" Anchorwoman Tomoe calmly watched as the "Emperor" was carried away, and then an inset image followed him out to the waiting paddywagon. After it took off, she turned to the camera and said, "Well, as they say in America, _rei-say ray bon tomp rou-day!_ This is Hotaru Tomoe for the Global Timeline News Network. Until next time, _sayonara_, and happy birthday, Setsuna-momma."

Haruka wrapped her arms around Hotaru and hugged her very affectionately. "You are something else. That was great."

"Yes, it was," Hotaru giggled. "I mean, this was my first time to see it, and I hadn't seen all the graphics and stuff. That was funny."

"It was very clever and enjoyable," Setsuna smiled. "Be sure to thank your tutor for this. And never, _ever_ do that to your hair, again."

"Yes, Setsuna-momma. It did look terrible."

"Rei-say ray bon tomp roo-day …" Michiru giggled.

"The correct French for that is _'avoir du bon temps'_," smiled Setsuna.

"Yes," said Michiru, "Let the good times roll, and that means it's time for presents."

Michiru produced a fairly large, floppy package that turned out to be silvery white French silk fabric that she'd gotten at a little shop near the Paris Conservatory during her last European recital tour. She knew it was the exact material Setsuna needed to finish that beautiful white dress.

"Oh, thank you, Michiru," she said warmly, "I am nearly done with it, and this will help me finish."

"You're welcome, Setsuna. There should be enough left over for another dress."

"Or two," she said, appreciatively.

Then Haruka handed her a weighty, good-sized, wrapped bottle.

"Open it if you want, but it might be better to keep it wrapped."

"What is it?"

"Just a bottle of champagne. Hennessy Grande."

"_Just?_ What year?"

"1976."

Setsuna drew up her legs a bit, as she wrapped herself into a tight hug around the bottle.

"Oh my," she said, looking coy, and –Haruka, if asked, would have had to admit- devastatingly alluring, "Are you hoping to find me inebriated some night so you can take advantage of me, dearest Haruka?"

"Alas, Michiru, she's onto me!" said Haruka melodramatically, then she winked at her, "But if not me, someone perhaps."

"Never!" said Setsuna, also melodramatically. "I shall drink this with Miyuki on New Year's Eve when she psychoanalyzes me. She wanted Dom Pérignon, but this shall have to do."

"Hennessy's better."

'_I agree,'_ Setsuna nodded. "Thank you, Haruka."

Then Hotaru came shyly up to her, holding the present in proper fashion with both hands. "Setsuna-momma, I made this for you. Happy birthday."

Hotaru looked a bit anxious as Setsuna took the box, and carefully opened it. As she pulled the cup out, varying degrees of shock appeared on the faces of the three older women.

"You … _made_ this?"

The cup was done in shiny, black enamel plated inside with gold, as was the lid, and had a well-executed cloisonné swan in water, surrounded by a wreath of flowers. She had used different grades of lattice wire and fading technique to make the blue flowers seem 'soft focus' and 'in the background', causing the garnet red flowers to stand out even more. The shading on the swan was very well done, and the hardest part of making the cup. Hotaru had practiced on three mock ups of the swan to get it right before doing the real thing. There was a large petal pattern at the bottom that made it look as if the cup were contained within a chrysanthemum, and fancy, double lined, open-jointed heart shapes in the same garnet material lining the rim.

"This is excellent work, Hotaru," said Michiru, very appreciatively.

Hotaru cleared her throat, and blushed a little as she said, "Well, Kuryakin–sensei explained all the techniques to me, machined the cup, and did the lathing, polishing and electroplating. But for the rest of it, I practiced each technique first, and did all the designing, painting and lattice work, and I even got to do the firing for the enamel. With careful guidance, of course."

"That is actual gold plating, then?" asked Setsuna, who was looking very closely now at just how fine a job Hotaru had done.

"Yes, 2.5 micron, 22 carat, heavy gold plate, and the silver lattice is platinum plated. The gold is for good luck, and the silver color of the platinum plating worked better with the black of the cup and the swan."

"Very nice, Hotaru," said Haruka. "Very, _very_ nice."

"Oh dear, I just realized something," said Michiru seriously.

"What's that?" asked Hotaru.

"We need to give Setsuna another present. This one makes four presents."

"How do you figure?" asked Haruka.

"The cup has a lid, and that makes four parts to the presents."

"Michiru, I didn't realize you took superstitions _that_ seriously."

"Oh, I don't, Haruka, it's just a question of good form."

"The champagne bottle has a cork, so that makes it five. Happy?"

"Surely you are being silly, Michiru," Setsuna said. "I have three wonderful presents, and I thank you all."

"It's okay, Michiru-momma," said Hotaru, "since I have another present."

"And the day is saved," said Haruka overdramatically.

Hotaru handed Setsuna another box. This one was flat and about an inch thick. As she opened it, Hotaru told her, "This one is from Kuryakin-sensei."

"Oh?" Setsuna said, as she paused for a moment, and then continued to unwrap it.

"Yes, he just made it to make my gift more complete. He didn't want you to know, but I insisted."

"I see," said Setsuna coolly, as she pulled it out of its box, "yes, what is a tea cup without a matching saucer?"

"Yes," Hotaru beamed as she set the cup in the saucer, "see, it has the same flowers I did? And the petal pattern continues at the bottom? And it's lined with the heart pattern?"

"Yes," she said, a bit of formality creeping into her voice, "he copied your 'style' very well."

'_Is she angry?'_ An inexplicable shadow seemed to have fallen over an otherwise wonderful moment.

"Don't you like it, Setsuna-momma?"

"No, no," she said, catching herself. "I'll send a thank you note for Mister Kuryakin with you on Monday. This is an excellent gift, Hotaru. You must have worked very hard. I am very proud of you."

Then she leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"We all are, my kitten," said Haruka, as Michiru nodded.

"I have had the most wonderful birthday today," said Setsuna, smiling. "All of my gifts have been well thought out and are very special to me. Thank you all, very much."

"Hotaru," Michiru called, "I got some hot water going on the stove as you asked."

Hotaru went to the kitchen to make some green tea for Setsuna's new cup.

"That was fantastic," said Haruka. "This whole thing is turning out to be very good for her."

"Yes," Michiru agreed, "That is something she can be proud of in the years to come. It wasn't a mere child's present, beloved more for the thought than the quality. That was extremely well done. That must have been tough for her to pull off especially while keeping up with her studies. We have another artist in the house, it seems."

"And a future star reporter."

"That outfit she had on was so cute."

As Michiru and Haruka talked, Setsuna stared at the cup and saucer, especially the latter, in front of her. She said nothing, but she was thinking a great deal. She picked up the saucer and examined it closely. There was a fairly wide band circling the bottom filled in with a superb filigree design, masterfully done. That it was so well done somehow upset her even more. She had thought she'd made it clear there were certain lines that were not to be crossed here. If pressed to explain how, exactly, this had crossed an explicit line, she would have had trouble. But, as it always seemed to, any unbidden, unofficial reminders of Hotaru's tutor and his apparently limitless wealth of talents set her on edge, and aroused 'suspicions.'

Hotaru came out with the tea pot and filled Setsuna's cup with mint green tea. Michiru brought plates, silverware, napkins and a small but very fancy cake sufficient for four people. She cut it up and began serving each of them. As she did, Hotaru found herself wishing that Kuryakin-sensei could have seen Setsuna's amazed look when she took the cup out of its box. Setsuna-momma was so pretty to begin with, and when she looked pleasantly surprised, it was like the sun finally bursting forth after a rainy day. The sense of completion and delayed gratification was deeply satisfying. She really couldn't claim to have done every last bit of the work, but she'd had certainly done the hardest parts. No one could doubt that this labor of love had produced something special, something very and uniquely 'Hotaru.' She did not begrudge her tutor his part in the cup, nor the saucer he contributed. Quite the contrary, she felt he deserved to be there in more than just spirit. Now, the day seemed to have an empty space in it.

"Here you are, my dear little rival," said Michiru as she handed Hotaru a piece of the cake.

She took a few small bites, and then, as if something occurred to her, she cut her piece of cake in two. When Michiru asked why, she said shyly that it was a bit sweet for her, and she wanted to save some for later. Setsuna took note of this as she drank her tea and ate her cake. This had been a very delightful day, and up until a few minutes ago, she had felt nothing but happiness in it. She wasn't quite sure what she was feeling now … worried? … offended? … but whatever it was, she would play her part to honor the gifts and thoughtfulness of her two friends and fellow 'parents,' and her adoptive daughter. Yet, as she stared at the cup and saucer –the latter, clearly, as lovingly done as the former - deep inside, she also found herself upset. For the first time, some unpleasant and angering thoughts were presenting themselves clearly before her mind. Playing Napoleon for a cute, student produced video with obvious educational value was fine, if a bit goofy. Helping Hotaru make a special birthday gift was also fine. But something about that saucer made it look and feel like a very special gift from a suitor.


	13. Chapter 05 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

**Chapter 5- Modi Vivendi**

**(Part 2)**

**Epigraphs: **

"It's amazing. You look like a normal person

but actually you are the angel of death."

**- Sally Albright, When Harry Met Sally**

* * *

"Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Haaa-yee?"

"How come you're not … afraid of me?"

"Afraid of you? Why should I be afraid of you?"

* * *

They had been discussing Germany and the two World Wars in Europe. The Teacher's curiously dispassionate yet very opinionated "This is what I think" take: it was the worst case of "going to war too late" he'd ever seen. The First World War was ready to break out at any point since the late 1880s. The level of carnage that finally ensued was a backhanded tribute to the skill of the diplomats in keeping that war at bay for as long as they did. The destruction would not have been nearly so great if, say, Germany had gone to war with France over the Moroccan Crisis of 1905. The second _Entente Cordiale_ notwithstanding, England was not allied in any meaningful way with France and would have done nothing. France would have been rolled. Unfortunately, the best efforts of the diplomats made sure it happened with all sides roughly at parity- the optimum time to guarantee the most hideous bloodbath possible. Hoping to forestall the conflict, they tied the nations of Europe with diplomatic cords that would then drag nearly every major power into the war. Europe could have survived well with pre-First World War Germany as the big dog on the continent. Hotaru had questioned this, and Kuryakin pointed out that one measure was how the same Jewish scientists who helped the Allies win World War Two, sat World War One out comfortably in Berlin or even fought for Germany. He agreed with the old joke that "Hitler would have won World War II if he'd had the Jews on his side." Clearly though, Second World War Germany was a monster that had to be destroyed at any cost. (Here he was afraid that Hotaru might have wondered if he thought World War II Japan was similarly a monster, and that was a discussion that would take more time than they had left today. She said nothing.) Germany would fight the First World War under the banner of a nationalist Christianity no less virulent than that under which France and Cardinal Richelieu fought the first Thirty Years War; "God" had "let Germany down" and they lost. They would fight the Second World War under the banner of revived "Blut und Erde (Blood and Earth / Soil)" Paganism. Thus World War I marked the beginning of what Churchill rightly called Europe's second Thirty Years War (1914-1945), and was the moment Europe, which he had explained to Hotaru as a patchwork of invading tribes civilized by Christianity, finally revealed a fundamental flaw. They were, as the poet Heinrich Heine suggested, insufficiently converted from their own tribalism to Christian universalism, and continued to 'see the divine' through the lens of their own ethnicity. "I agree with Baron Wilhelm von Schoen," Kuryakin said, "the German ambassador in Paris, who appended to the formal declaration of war: _'C'est le suicide de l'Europe'_ - this is Europe's suicide. World War II was the twitching of the body."

History was where it was at with this student, and he could connect nearly any subject to that and make it interesting for her. Her mind was so sharpened by this time -though whether his pedagogical method had anything to do with was up for grabs- that she could assimilate facts with ease. Rote learning, where necessary, was a toss off for her now, a warm up, a gathering of raw materials for the real education. More and more she seemed to ask for his 'learned opinions' about such matters as the jumping off point for her own researches. While she began filling out a review sheet and making note cards for what they had discussed so far, he had gone to get her a snack. When he came back, she was … different.

The Cold Look, which hadn't put in any appearances since that first day, was back. She had not frozen this time, and he wasn't sure whether that was good, bad or indifferent. Perhaps the talk of war and 'continental, civilizational suicide' had done it. He set the snack aside, grabbed a chair to sit right in front of her, and began watching her with intense interest. She followed all of his movements with similar, but icy, interest. This time there was numinous and calculating ferocity in this look, and something that said, 'this is who I really am.' Small though she was to him, she looked as if she might, somehow, attack him.

"What do you mean 'afraid of you,' Hotaru-kun?"

Her eyes narrowed, even more. After looking at her for a moment, he decided she was inviting him to explore.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me? You can, if you think it won't run afoul of Miss Meioh's rule about prying."

"I wonder why she was so insistent on that?" Cold Look Hotaru said, sounding bored and put upon, but with a subtle anger never far from the surface. "She only made you more aware. What do you fear, Kuryakin-sensei?" she asked, in a lazy way that suggested she'd almost forgotten to add the 'sensei' part.

The moment had arrived. This would be his best chance to see into the deepest parts of this girl's being, to see clearly the things of which he had, as yet, seen only hints and shadows while she listened and took notes, read and studied and worked at her art project and ate her meals and played her violin and walked and talked with him in the nearby park. He had, whenever she was with him, watched over her more closely than she could know. And when she was away, he pondered her deeply, almost as though his own life depended on solving this problem. Now it was time: laying Miss Meioh's no-prying rule aside this one time, he peered deeply into those icy eyes.

"What do _you_ fear, Hotaru-kun?"

"_I_ asked first," she said, threateningly, and looking even angrier.

"Are you trying to find out what I'm made of, Hotaru-kun?"

'_Possibly,'_ her stare indicated.

"I fear," he said very slowly "that I will not succeed in helping you."

He meant that, more than she had realized. There was a genuine terror of some kind in him over the matter. Succeeding in helping her was nigh a matter of life and death to him. He got a little closer. There was no change in her expression, but something changed. A bit at least. "And what do you fear, Hotaru-kun?"

"Imperfection."

Kuryakin was not exactly dealing with the student he'd been teaching the last three months. It wasn't quite The Three Faces of Hotaru, but it was close, and something like the feel of a power, weighty and ancient, descended on the room. That Kuryakin felt it wasn't unusual; that he had a pretty good idea of its nature _was_. It wasn't quite true that The Cold Look hadn't put in an appearance lately. There were times when the look on her face was close to this. When she worked on her cloisonné vase, her gaze, usually a happily busy look, sometimes became one of intense concentration so pure in sheer calculation, it could pass for serene. The warp and woof of her artwork was being scrutinized, judged - ruthlessly. A few times, she said she'd nearly gotten it wrong and requested – almost demanded - that he give her a way to practice the needed technique so that she would not mess up on the real thing.

"Imperfection and Perfection are tricky words, Hotaru-kun," Kuryakin said carefully and deliberately. "What does 'imperfect' mean to you?"

"It is … failure of desire. The desire to thrive. The desire to live. And failure to care. Failure to seek … the best in all things. Such failure, until there is but a sameness of indifference everywhere. That is when a civilization is at an end."

Kuryakin smiled. He could not have said it better. "Most people think 'perfection' means 'no mistakes.' But you know what it really means. Perfect means 'mature', 'fully grown', 'fully realized'."

"You understand," said Cold Look Hotaru. "I wonder how."

"I wasn't always so … _perfect_," he said, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and in spite of The Look, she did seem about to laugh.

"I have seen in to you, Kuryakin-sensei. I have noticed that you burn yourself very evenly. I like your shine. You thrive."

"I'm … _relieved_ that you think so," he smiled.

"I _know_ so," she said firmly.

"Hotaru-kun, what happens, if you find something … imperfect?"

"It depends on how imperfect it is. I do not like it when things have gone amiss."

"Most people would say, 'who are you to judge?' But just now, you look like you could do it, like you have _authority_ in the matter." Then something occurred to him. "Were you looking at the dolphins like this that first time we were at the Dolphinarium?"

"They … _worried_ me. Some of them didn't seem to desire life so much. But you spurred them on. With your shine."

It was now pretty clear to him why her 'normal' self was so intrigued by the fall of a kingdom. Venturing a guess, he asked, "Have you ever heard the phrase 'the destroyer of the invalid old?'"

"No," she said, still looking cold as dry ice, but suddenly very interested.

"It's a … line I use in a lecture I give. In fact, I'm giving that very lecture for an evening seminar at K.O. University this Wednesday. Remember what I said about Reality, and making yourself vulnerable through love?"

She said nothing, but again there was some kind of change in her.

"Okay. 'This is what I think' …"

"You don't need to say that any more," she outright commanded him, and the numinous ferocity returned to the stare that had softened just a bit.

"Okay," he said calmly. "In every age, in every place and every time, there comes a test and a judgement. Sometimes the tests are small, individual. Sometimes they involve whole groups, sometimes whole civilizations, and sometimes the whole world. The reason for these tests is that judgement must come. And that's because history really is going some where."

The Cold Look vanished like a fog when the sun had gotten too high, and now she looked like someone in a desert suddenly spotting signs of water.

"Is it?" she whispered excitedly. "Where is it going? Does it ever end?"

"_Now I know,"_ Kuryakin thought. That thing he noticed about her the first day, and every day since - the thing he could see this very moment- made perfect sense. And she was testing _him_. Fair enough. He'd been tested many times before. Maybe she really did want to know what he was made of, or maybe she wanted know if he would still accept her knowing there was this side to her. Perhaps it meant that she was comfortable enough with him now to show, intentionally, a little of the self she hid sometimes behind shyness and moodiness, and sometimes behind a look that would have done justice to a statue of Kali or Shiva. Now that she trusted him, she could give herself permission to show this part of her to him. She knew, somehow, that he would understand and she may have figured him out, as well. Good thing, too. There was something tickling the back of his mind. This was something he needed to see to fulfill his 'contract' with the Kittens and Miss Meioh.

'_Miss Meioh …'_

From this moment on, he was all but certain what he'd suggested in his questioning of Miss Kaioh during their conversation at the Dolphinarium was right. But knowing the problem and solving it are two different things. He could describe its nature, but it would be up to Hotaru to solve this herself. All he could do now was give her one last bit of help.

"Hotaru-kun, before I give you my answer to your question, I need to know if you remember how you were looking at me, just now?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, frowning and sounding a little disappointed that he needed to ask. "I remember everything that happens to me when I'm … like that. I'm not crazy or anything. I didn't always remember, and I used to think I _was_ crazy, but I know now it's …"

"It's _what_?"

"A part of me that just … comes out sometimes."

"What causes it to … come out, as you say?"

"Stressful situations, sometimes," she smiled, like someone very much with a secret.

"Hmm. Then it's a good thing we're helping you to get stronger."

"You're not afraid of me," she said, with a tiny smile and a hint of amazement.

"No. Do you know why?" he asked rhetorically. "Because the opposite of fear … is love. Do you understand?"

She smiled and nodded.

"I will never be afraid of you."

She smiled even more then ventured tentatively, "So … will it ever end?"

"Yes," he said as he set a cup of tea and a small plate of cookies in front of her. "And no."

Then he went to his desk, opened a drawer and pulled out a small stack of books. "Hotaru-kun, it's time I gave you these."

They were in Japanese and all pertained to that reading list he'd given her weeks ago. Some were professionally bound paperbacks. The rest were printed off of his computer and bound with office store binders. "I was able to find a few of the books in translation. A surprising number really. However, there were some problems. These are the ones that I thought were good enough," he said pointing to the professionally bound paperbacks. "These were available in translation, but I found them to be very poor, so I tweaked them. You have certain habits of thought and speech to which I was able to attune these books. These are my own translation, and I must say it was difficult in some cases, because some of the concepts presented here have no real equivalent in your language, so I had to craft some allegories which are given in footnotes at the bottom of each page. Be sure to read those as you go along, so you'll get them in context.

"Thank you, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, as she set aside her tea cup and looked at a few of the books. He watched her as she examined them. "You really did these translations?"

"You didn't think this sort of thing was within my abilities?"

"No, no," Hotaru said quickly, "I mean, you did these … just for me."

He nodded and looked a tiny bit self-satisfied.

"This … must've taken a lot of time and work," she said with a faint blush in her cheeks.

"Some," he said plainly.

"I don't … I …," she said, as she leafed through one of them. These would doubtless be interesting, but just now, she want to hug him. "Thank you, Kuryakin-sensei."

"Remember, these are for your free time," he said. She set them aside and he continued the current lesson.

"So then," he said firmly as he tapped the open notebook off to her right, "with Russia plunged into revolution, the Eastern Front was no longer a concern and Germany had a brief window of opportunity to press its advantage on the Western Front. Now, if they could break through before the American entry into the war began to tell on the battlefield …"

She listened patiently to everything he said, wrote furiously to get it all down, and sipped her tea and ate her snack in between pauses, but right now, she couldn't wait to get home.

* * *

In the two weeks since her birthday party, Setsuna had tried to put the vague feeling of 'a line being crossed' by Hotaru's tutor into clear and concise words. She had not yet been able to do so. Instead, she settled into an uneasy feeling summed up by a silly yet persistent question: _'Am I losing her to … him?'_ It was a very strange thought, even paranoid, and she felt guilty about having it. Her tutor was obviously a fine individual, competent –to put it mildly, generous, and quite charming in a way. Propinquity alone meant that Hotaru would develop a rapport with him. She should have foreseen that, and in fact, objectively it was desirable that Hotaru get along with and be obedient to her teacher. However, in the discussion between herself, Haruka and Michiru about Miyuki Mayamura's advice to seek out Mister Kuryakin's assistance, she had been the most resistant to the idea. Forced to put her reasons for that into words, her main worry was that in a one-on-one setting, it was entirely possible that Hotaru might accidentally divulge something about her 'extracurricular' persona and activities. It was a legitimate concern, for the Senshi depended a great deal on anonymity and hiding within a crowd to keep their identities and activities hidden from the general public. If it hadn't been for the crush of coursework Setsuna fully expected from this term, she would have vetoed the idea and undertaken to spend more time with Hotaru, even where needed further educating herself in the relevant disciplines needed to round out Hotaru's education.

She had also resisted the idea because her personal finances were a little strained these days. From childhood on, she had lived quite nicely on an inheritance of sorts, but where it had come from was something of a mystery. Setsuna had never known her parents, and her one attempt to find out what was known about them hit a wall with even the most cursory attempt. She had been left anonymously on the doorstep-as it were, and upon awakening to her Senshi powers, found in them good cause to wonder if she'd ever had parents in the conventional sense. It occurred to her that there may have been some magic involved, and it was entirely possible a 'previous' self was the source of the money. At any rate, _someone_ had left it for her. She had known nothing about any of this until her eighth birthday, when she realized that a remote, rural orphanage outside Kagoshima in Southern Japan was not the usual way to raise children. She was a curious child, began asking questions, and wondered who her benefactor was, but at that age was not of the temperament to look a gift horse in the mouth. She had never made any serious attempt to find out where it came from until her eighteenth birthday. As a full grown adult, her single attempt to find out the source led her to a courthouse in Nagano, but she could get no further because the documents were sealed. It was a considerable monthly sum, scrupulously managed by the orphanage, and it increased a little as she aged, but only to a certain point. The amount was adequate to give her a good childhood, and a good education through high school, though as she got older, her needs increased, her tastes and hobbies became more refined and diverse, and the money seemed less and less. Whoever had left it to her obviously expected she'd grow up to take care of herself one day.

She would be back on a much surer financial footing once she got her degree, but that was still more than two years off. She withheld this knowledge from Haruka and Michiru only because Miyuki-chan had mentioned that Mister Kuryakin took his client's circumstances into account, and sensed it would be best to play that by ear. Kuryakin's generosity in the matter was hoped for, but its extent was quite unexpected, though very welcome to her. If he had charged much more than he did, Setsuna would have found it necessary to explain her constrained circumstances to Michiru and Haruka, and then see if they were willing to foot more than an even three way share in the expense. She was so grateful at that time that it did not occur to her just how little they were paying. Only after a little research, and in light of all the activities Hotaru was enjoying under Kuryakin-san's tutelage, did she realize he was almost doing it for free.

From there, the gratitude she felt quickly receded into the background, and she began yet again to puzzle over Kuryakin's motives and his general uniqueness until for the first time she wondered if he wasn't trying to … 'take' Hotaru from her. Like so many of the thoughts Setsuna had about the man, this one really made no sense. Its silliness was apparent to Setsuna most of the time and she dismissed it as an odd paranoia brought on by her double life and the stress of her coursework this year. Yet the thought persisted, and every now and then demanded a fresh hearing.

The solution to this part of the problem had come a few days ago, when she'd gotten a message from someone at Haruka and Michiru's school, Funabashi Academy, requesting a meeting with her about Hotaru's future education.

"I am Manabu Yanagimoto, the Academic Dean here. Please, sit down, Miss Meioh," said a stocky man of medium height standing behind his desk, appreciatively eyeing the woman who has just been shown into his office.

"Thank you," she said very decorously, as she sat in the chair.

"I'll get right to the point," he said.

"I appreciate that," Setsuna replied.

"We have heard about Miss Tomoe's stellar performance on her recent tests, and we would like to offer her a full scholarship to this academy."

"Indeed?" said Setsuna, sounding pleasantly surprised, though wary. "How did you find out? Did Haruka or Michiru tell you?"

"No, we did not hear about that from Miss Tenoh or Miss Kaioh. We are aware that they know Miss Tomoe. You share a house with them, I believe?"

"Yes," said Setsuna, feeling even more wary now.

"We keep our ear to the ground, Miss Meioh. We are always on the lookout for promising students. The woman who proctored Miss Tomoe's tests is a former graduate of our academy and she mentioned it to us. She was very surprised at the level of the tests young Miss Tomoe was taking, but that was nothing compared to her – and our- astonishment at how well she did on them."

"I see. At present, Hotaru has a private teacher."

"Yes, Peter Kuryakin. We are familiar with his excellent reputation. I've tried a few times to lure some of his students here, but have never quite succeeded. We realize that Miss Tomoe is in good hands, but private teachers are very expensive, are they not?"

Setsuna nodded. "Well, I am pleased to hear of your offer, though I find your backdoor methods of recruitment a bit unprofessional."

"Miss Meioh," Yanagimoto replied, feeling the pressure of Setsuna's jaundiced gaze, "I do apologize if we seem to have pried a little, but competition for good students is very fierce and we feel we have a lot to offer Miss Tomoe. We can begin her college level education while providing her with a social setting of similar-aged students. In some cases, she would even have classes with Miss Tenoh and Miss Kaioh …"

"I do see the advantages of this," said Setsuna pensively. "This would be a full scholarship then?"

"Yes, everything would be covered: classes, books, materials, school uniforms, tutors, her own personal laptop – we always have the latest and best in technology, and so forth. And I would imagine that she would ride to and fro with Miss Tenoh and Miss Kaioh."

"Yes," said Setsuna, warming to the idea for various reasons. "Well," she said after further thought, "Miss Tenoh, Miss Kaioh and I make decisions for Hotaru together. We'll need to talk about this, and talk to Hotaru as well. How long do we have to decide?"

"We would, of course, prefer to hear from you as soon as you can come to a decision, but for now there is no hurry. I do need to mention one little condition though."

"Yes?"

"As long as Miss Tomoe does as well on her final exams as she did on her midterms, I will be able to justify any reasonable delay in your decision."

"I see," said Setsuna, wariness creeping back into her voice. "Hotaru has already demonstrated her intelligence. May I ask why the offer is contingent on her doing well on her final exams?"

"We are aware of Miss Tomoe's … little problem."

"How?"

"The proctor also mentioned that she had a private teacher because of testing anxiety. Besides, the incidents at her public school are a matter of record."

The breaches of privacy and decorum on display here were very upsetting to Setsuna, but she gave them a pass because the offer was very much worth considering. It might be the solution to her "problem." When Kuryakin had finished with Hotaru, there would be no further need of his services. That was the plan anyway, although at the price he was asking, it might have been worth considering having him teach Hotaru for another term or two, especially considering how much Hotaru enjoyed lessons, and how well she had done under his tutelage. But with all that had happened lately, Setsuna was thinking it would be best if they and Kuryakin-san parted company on a very firm and permanent basis as soon as possible. She thanked the dean, promised to discuss this with Haruka and Michiru, and left, glad for the offer, but also glad to be leaving. As promised, Setsuna discussed the matter with Haruka and Michiru that evening, and they were all for it, assuming Kuryakin succeeded at all points in his obligation. Setsuna was for it regardless but made no mention of her reasons. They also decided that it would be best not to discuss it with Hotaru at this time.

* * *

"Hotaru-kun?" Kuryakin called from his office as she bounded through the door of the studio the next day. "I'm in my office. Come here, I have a present for you."

Hotaru had passed by his office many times but had never actually been in it. It was subdued with a lot of browns and deep reds in the décor and the furniture. Sitting on the dark cherry wood desk was a plastic sack. Inside were three boxes. "These are for you," he said, as she opened the boxes and pulled out a stethoscope and two blood pressure cuffs, one for adults and one for children. Hotaru beamed.

"Now, Nurse Tomoe, let me take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeve," he said, "and I'll teach you how to take someone's blood pressure."

He explained the procedure, the proper placement of the cuff, about the need to use the right cuff relative to the individual, how she needed to supinate the hand to bring the brachial artery to the surface at the elbow, about palpating the artery before inflating the cuff, and about the nature of the Korotkoff Sounds. She put the adult cuff on his arm, and within a few tries, understood the procedure completely. Kuryakin-san's blood pressure came in at 112 over 44, with a resting heart rate of 34 bpms.

"That's … very healthy, isn't it?" she said, after looking at the chart that came with the cuff. "Except your resting heart rate suggests you're dying."

"Heh, no," he smiled. "I'm in shape, I am. Lots of endurance training. Check the athlete chart."

"So in athletes the heart gets larger, but it's a good thing, not a bad thing as it is with sedentary people. Well, 34 is good, but not a record, Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru said, haughtily.

"Now let's take your blood pressure," he smiled. Hotaru became immediately shy.

"You're bashful when it comes to your own health. I can understand that, but I think you're going to have a very good B/P. Take your sweater off and put your arm out."

Her B/P came in at 104 over 58 with a resting heart rate of 62 bpm.

"Now, check your chart."

Hotaru looked, and smiled.

"You see? You're not bad at all. Okay, let's put these away. Oh, and part of your homework tonight is to take the B/P of everyone at your house in time for Thursday's lesson and … wait a minute."

Hotaru was quiet, and Kuryakin appeared to be listening for something.

"What's that sound?" he said, walking toward the door. She could hear it now. It sounded like water spraying from a hose. "Uh oh," Kuryakin called from down the hall, as she poked her head around the door. "I've got a busted pipe and it's flooding the music room. I've got to shut off the water. Stay there, Hotaru-kun."

He ran outside, and a few seconds later the sounds of the water stopped, and then she heard someone moving around under the floor. A few minutes later he came back in, his shirt and pants stained with dirt. "Well, I'll have to go clean up in there. Are you all ready for today's lessons?"

"Yes, Kuryakin-sensei," she smiled.

"Okay, there's a big puddle between you and the Blue Room. Just stay right here and maybe browse through a book or something. There are some good history texts over there on my bookshelf. Pick out anything you want. I'll be done in a bit."

It was likely Kuryakin-sensei would be busy for at least 20 or 30 minutes. She had not brought any of her 'reading list' books with her and chastised herself for the missed opportunity. She had begun methodically working her way through those books, always with a continual appreciation for her tutor's dizzying ability with languages. Some of it was very technical, and for now she simply accepted that the authors were authorities in the field and took their assertions at face value, in order to get to 'the good stuff.' She was pretty sure she was successfully following the ideas presented in them.

Then it occurred to her that he might have some of the original translated books - the ones he had tweaked- on his shelf. She went over and started looking at the titles. Some of them she recognized as famous works of literature, though his were nice hard cover editions with crisp leather covers and gold foil writing. Others she did not recognize, but they had very impressive sounding titles. Then she spotted one of them. She was about to pull it out when she noticed a book at the far end that had not been pushed in all the way. It looked quite old. Possibly it was a collector's item, which mildly piqued her interest. It had an old, dingy leather binding, worn shiny with use, and no title. She got it out and opened it. The slight, musty smell of age met her nose, but that must have come from the cover because the pages looked like crisp, modern paper. She noticed some catches at the top and realized this was some sort of refillable notebook or perhaps a journal. She sat down on the couch and began leafing through it. The first few pages were blank, but then she reached what must have been a title page. It had phrases in various languages, including hers, and surmised it was the same phrase in the different languages. In her own tongue, it said "Letters to Thérèse." They were journal entries in the form of letters, apparently in her tutor's own hand, and again in numerous languages. Apparently, he used this ritual to keep up with his language studies. _'Yes, of course, he is always teaching,'_ she thought as she looked at page after page of neatly written letters in multiple languages. _'Even himself- and that's only fair after all.'_

The early letters, that she could read, picked up about thirteen years ago. This was puzzling because thirteen years ago, Kuryakin-sensei would have been very, very young, she thought. Yet the letters spoke of renting houses, some time spent in South America, and in Europe, things one would have to be an adult to do. _'He must be a bit older than he looks,'_ thought Hotaru. It was fun reading about her teacher, but the first really interesting letter came about halfway into the book, right after he'd gotten to Japan. It mentioned Ami Mizuno … and her mother. Hotaru's eyes grew wide with interest. He and Saeko Mizuno had a few "outings" together. These occurred after Ami was no longer a student of his, and while he didn't call them 'dates,' he was worried that Ami would find out. That was why they only went out a few times. It truly did not occur to Hotaru until this moment that this was a very private book and one she had no business reading. She closed it and started to put it back, and yet, curiosity had seized her, for reasons even she had not grasped. Normally, Hotaru would never have … but there was one thing she _had to_ check. If these were letters to someone about his time here, then maybe he had written something about her, … and "The Kittens," … and Setsuna-momma! She opened the book again, and leafed through it, until she saw some very long entries about someone named "S."

_S. nearly had a relapse today, but after four months with him, I am beginning to understand the conflicts that have threatened to lock him up inside … confronting mortality is never easy, and usually one does not have to face that dragon until a bit a later in life, but he's so ferociously logical and sees it so inevitably, it has come to trouble him early … that's only the half of it. He has a good grasp on the crises that currently beset his country and what may happen in the short and long term future. The dragon of personal mortality is mean enough, in this place where life is so short. The dragon of cultural and ethnic mortality is an even tougher one to face … decades ago, he would have been made a very willing and determined kamikaze pilot. That option is not open to him today, thank God, but there is more than one way to commit suicide. If only I can get him to see what a waste it would be if he threw away his gifts and didn't use them to help his people. I will carefully try to drill it into his head any way I can: "Worst case scenario: if death is coming, don't let it end like this!"_

Hotaru looked up, as the sounds of a wet/dry vacuum echoed down the hall. She started reading again, and later letters seemed to indicate that "S." was getting his act together. In among those were even longer entries about someone named "N."

"_N. found out her aunt has twice prevented her adoption. For her sake, I talked with her aunt today. Didn't go well. Said she didn't appreciate a 'gaijin' meddling in her affairs and threatened to call the authorities. Probably an idle threat, but that is something I must avoid, of course. It looks like it's all up to me. Not giving up. Don't know how to anyway. I never lose!"_

An entry from two weeks later was even more interesting:

"_N. went missing today. Sent the others home. Used every means to find her. Got to her in time -barely- and took her to Juuban Secondary … Dr. M. has been a godsend. She admitted her with out any fuss. I can't do that anywhere else. She is going to try to get her some counseling. Sheer quackery, but I'm so desperate at this point, I'll try anything. N.'s aunt has been no help. I called her to tell her what happened and she said that N.'s mother was a bad woman, and N. was an 'evil seed' who was just getting what she deserved. I don't know her frustrations or circumstances very well, but it's hard not to be angry with her just now. How can people do that to each other? Alas, I know that too well, but if everyone got what they deserved, there'd be no one left …"_

The sounds of the shop vacuum stopped, and she could hear Kuryakin wringing out a mop into a bucket. She read a little faster now.

"_I wonder if I have been too hard on N.? I thought I was taking the right approach, but now I fear it's been all guesswork up to this point. I wish she could tell me. There is so much anger and frustration in her heart. Who can blame her? She just can't catch a break. As well, she has come to have feelings for me, which I cannot, of course, return. That is always a danger in these mixed settings. I've been very clear about that and proper at all times, but that may have exacerbated the problem. This is a classic attempt to 'get attention.' Strange how the problem and the solution can be so intimately bound together. I wish someone of her own gender had stepped up and taken her in. I may be both the cause of the problem and yet, it appears, the only one who will ever care._

_I'm losing this one. I don't know what to do. I haven't felt this lost since … that terrible day. You were everything to me and made me everything I am today. I miss you."_

She heard some more clattering down the hallway. The tension between her running out of time and her certain knowledge that she shouldn't be reading this, pitted against the insatiable curiosity about what, if anything, Kuryakin-sensei might have written about her and her guardians, made her heart race. Giddy, fearful of getting caught, and yet determined to find out, she quickly checked two things: first, he was consistent in writing no less than twice a week. Then she looked at the last entry; it was dated two days before he met them. There was plenty of room for further entries, and there weren't any after the day he met … _her_. None at all! She saw nothing but blank pages as she flipped the rest of the way through to the book. Then suddenly –so suddenly she almost cried out- she came to a short entry on the last page. She heard more clattering down the hall and the sound of some fans being turned on. It was time to put the book away, but as she walked back over to the bookshelf, she saw the following in her own language:

"_I'm sorry, Thérèse. Forgive me. Please."_

She had timed it perfectly. A minute later, when Kuryakin returned to the office, dressed in a sweat shirt and pants with quite a few wet spots on it, he saw Hotaru listening to her heart with her new stethoscope.

"Well, Nurse Tomoe, let's get started."

They walked to the Blue Room as Hotaru pondered these revelations. Thérèse. Who was she? Was it a lover? A wife? From some of the letters, it sounded like someone he'd lost a very long time ago. She couldn't have been his mother. Mothers were dear of course, but that wasn't how one spoke of them. A beloved sister? That didn't work either. Whoever she was, she was very important to him, but meeting Setsuna seemed to have stopped the letters cold and precipitated that last "forgive me." She smiled. It _had_ to be _that_; it just had to; it couldn't be anything else. He hadn't mentioned anything about them after steadily writing in this journal. This constituted a proof more elegant than if he'd written in plain _romanji_ "I love you, Setsuna Meioh." He told her to continue on to the Blue Room while he popped into the kitchen to check on lunch. Back at her seat, Hotaru worried a bit over that stuff about 'avoiding the authorities,' but thought it probably had to do with him being a foreigner who could easily be deported were he perceived as a troublemaker. Or it might be that once, he was not so good a person. By any way she knew to check, by any intuition she had about people, she was sure he was now. If he wasn't one in the past, perhaps he suffered a few things that brought him around. She could relate to that.

When he came back into the Blue Room, looking chipper, she was for the second time in a week nearly overwhelmed by an urge to rush up and hug him. She did not, of course. It would have been improper. She did wonder what became of "N," and she was dying to know about "Thérèse." Obviously, she could not ask him about any of that, not directly at least, but she might be able to find out indirectly. That would have to come later. For now, where she once saw a stranger, then a teacher and a mentor, she was starting to see something else now.

The rest of the day proceeded as usual. The Kittens arrived at 4:45 to pick her up. Hotaru took note that Kuryakin-san and Michiru-momma had developed a casual rapport. That evening during her review of the day's history lesson, Hotaru realized that they were getting pretty close to the modern era, and the dawn of the 21st century. With that, she realized something else. They were getting close to the end of the term. It had snuck up on her a bit, because she was used to the Japanese Academic year, which ended in February with the new term beginning in April. But Kuryakin followed the American academic year, and that meant finals in the second week of December. There were still a few weeks to go, but this night was first time Hotaru had to think seriously about what the end of this special time as the lone genius student of a very gifted teacher meant to her. Her initial reaction: it saddened her very much. She looked at the clock and it was time to get ready for bed. She wasn't really tired and so she spent about 40 minutes reading one of the books Kuryakin had given her. It was good stuff, but by 9:30, her eyes started to droop. She put the book away and fell into fitful slumber.

About 10:30 she was wide awake again, and thirsty. She went to the bathroom to get a drink of water. As she was coming back, she heard something she'd heard occasionally before: faint music coming from Setsuna-momma's room. She'd never paid it much mind before, except this time the song sounded familiar. She crept to the slightly open door of Setsuna's bedroom on all fours and listened. The song was in English and sung by a suave tenor-baritone voice, against a background of silky, ethereal strings. When she peeked through the crack, she was able to see her, apparently dozing in and out. She was wearing a satiny, lavender negligee. _'How pretty she is,'_ thought Hotaru. Then she heard the song clearly enough to recall where she'd heard it before. It was one of the songs Kuryakin had played on the piano that night at the hospital. She made a mental note to ask him about it next time. From what she could make out, and translate back into Japanese, it was a love song.

Where Kuryakin-sensei was concerned, the ledger of "he likes her" boxes was discarded. Though the evidence was still very circumstantial, there was no real doubt in her mind how he felt. Now there was only the matter how she felt about him. It was still a tricky thing. Ever since the night she'd heard a bit of her guardians' respective attitudes toward hiring this tutor, she had resolved to watch Setsuna-momma more closely whenever he came up. It didn't happen often, but there had been enough opportunities for Hotaru see now that Setsuna-momma acted very oddly where he was concerned. On the one hand, there moments where anyone could not but conclude she had a growing affection for him, possibly from day one. At other times, she was defensive? Indifferent? Angry- like with her birthday present? What was it? Thus, she wondered whether sitting and listening to love song as she was falling asleep could be counted on the "she likes him" side of things. The song ended, but then, after a few moments, started again from the beginning. _'She must have the repeat on,'_ thought Hotaru. She stayed and listened through two more iterations of the song, understanding a bit more of it, but halfway through the third time, Setsuna awoke with a start, and then sighed heavily. Hotaru crept quietly back to bed, and was finally tired enough to fall asleep quickly.

Setsuna was doing some heavy thinking in the midst of falling asleep tonight. It was due to a problem so out of the blue that she was having trouble coming to grips with it. She was very upset, though she had hid it from her housemates, as she always did with personal matters, but that morning, Setsuna had a meeting with her mentoring professor to talk about next year's junior thesis. During that meeting, he had made a not-very-subtle pass at her. Initially, she was so shocked she couldn't grasp that it was happening. Once she did realize it, she more or less told him where to get off and quickly exited the situation as fast as she could. Later the professor had caught up to her and attempted to apologize for this gross violation of ethics, saying he really didn't know what came over him. Her thoughts had wavered between conciliation and anger, but when she tried to say it was all right, she could not bring herself to lie. He was a youngish, single man, quite handsome in a bookish sort of way, and she liked him very much, as a teacher. She admired how smart he was, and his reputation as a comer in theoretical physics was known around the world. She'd had dinner with him in the university commissary more than once, but it was always on a professional basis. As she had told the others, she was only subtly arguing with him from her own unique perspective on the nature of the cosmos.

Possibly, he'd felt otherwise, though she could not once remember discussing anything other than her term papers or her plans for a Junior Thesis. Perhaps she had led him on without realizing it, but on the whole, this was as infuriating as it was inexplicable. How could she trust him now? In addition to being her mentoring professor, she had two classes with him. How could she know whether her sterling grades were the result of her own hard work and ability, or simply because her mentor was hot for her. No matter how hard he tried to apologize and to assure her that she was a superb student, this was a Rubicon that, once crossed, could not be uncrossed. Even if she could trust that he'd been objective up to this point, how could she trust that he would be objective from now on, especially since she had, awkwardly but very firmly, rejected the advance? She had half a mind to write off the entire year, and take her classes again under a different mentor, which she was going to find in any case. KO University was a kind of home to her, a place where she could very much be herself, a place of like spirits, thoroughly proper and collegial, and a place where she felt something like safety, if such a thing were possible for a Sailor Senshi. Now, that had been tarnished. In the abstract, she knew this sort of thing happened now and then. Indeed, she even knew of a few instances of people, on both sides of the equation, who had taken advantage of the situation. Despite knowing what an attractive woman she was, she'd never really thought about how she'd react if it happened to her. Now that it had, she reacted as someone who was not foolish enough to take pleasure in illicit things, and whose personal integrity, especially where her academic life was concerned, was beyond question. These things would be troubling enough for anyone, but in her case, this also served as a backhanded reminder of how complicated her situation was, and that she would, most likely, never … "have anyone."

A few hours later, the day became even more inexplicable, but in a much more positive way. In a dither about what to do over her mentor, she had taken a late lunch in the commissary and after she sat down with her meal, she saw – of all people- Mamoru Chiba standing in line. After he got his meal, she flagged him down. Chiba knew that Setsuna went to this university, but had no idea what her schedule was, nor any intention to look her up. In their 'civilian' personae, the paths of the "Elite Outers" and the "Workaday Inners," or their sage protector, Tuxedo Kamen - did not often cross. She asked him what he was doing here, and found that he had taken a lucrative, short term, second job as a lab assistant in K.O. University's Research Hospital. From this he hoped to make enough money to buy Usagi –of course, Setsuna sighed inwardly- something very special for Christmas. It was his first day, and though a miscommunication, he'd been an hour early reporting for work, so he was stopping in for a bite to eat before his shift started. As he talked, she was struck by how handsome he looked today. He was still far too young to really make her think of who he was to become, but she nonetheless felt the old stirring in her heart at the thought of King Endymion, the one she, the lone and lonely Guardian of Time, "watched over from afar." As he talked a bit more about Usagi's Christmas present, Mamoru Chiba never looked so much like the noble man she knew he was going to become, though, she realized, that might have something to do with her earlier problem. _'Alas,'_ she thought, _'there was no point, no future-quite literally, in these thoughts.'_ She knew her place, and she did her duty by turning the discussion towards the love of his life.

"How is Usagi-san these days?" she asked with sincerity.

"Very … Usagi-like," Mamoru replied, not intending to be funny, but after a brief pause, they simultaneously chuckled. Then, as abruptly as they had met, the golden moment was over. None other than Usagi-san –who had come all the way here after school to wish her beloved good luck on his first day at work- interrupted them, and cut short that very pleasant moment for Setsuna.

Now in her bed and ready for this troubling day to end, Setsuna sighed and listened to the song one last time. Then she shut off her player, settled into her covers, and had nearly fallen asleep, but not before one more thing happened – the strangest of thing all, on this very confounded day: her ambivalence about Mister Kuryakin disappeared for the moment. It often did when she was tired, though she had not quite made that connection. And thus, she fell asleep wishing quite fervently he had called her tonight.

To talk about Hotaru, of course.


	14. Chapter 05 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**By Phoenix2772**

**Chapter 005-Modi Vivendi**

**(Part 3)**

* * *

The next morning when Hotaru came down the stairs, she saw Haruka sitting in front of the TV. CNN-Japan was on. People were people, and the world was what it was, and it had been busy place while the Sailor Senshi slept: terrorist attacks in Indonesia, religious violence in Pakistan, ethnic violence in Africa, a minor earthquake in Southern Europe, celebrities performing all manner of silliness in a desperate quest for relevance, the sad, sorry 'usual stuff.' She sat next to Haruka, who looked at her, winked, and wrapped an arm around her. Michiru joined them on the couch a few minutes later, and then she heard the sounds of Setsuna deftly working at breakfast in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Setsuna-momma."

"Good morning, Hotaru."

It was the top of the hour. Over the last few days, a growing bribery and kickback scandal in the Japanese Government was the big story. Sometime last night, the story went to a whole new level. Apparently, the corruption was very widespread and quite well hidden, until now, in part because it involved pay-offs to reporters. The complicity of the media was bad enough, but the most puzzling part of the story involved massive sums of government money that had simply disappeared. It amounted to an appreciable percentage of the various operating budgets, in several places involving all levels of government. The Media and the Government both were just beginning to realize the depth to of this scandal and the stunning extent of the theft. In several cases, it actually threatened to deprive some of the poorer prefectures of Japan of needed public funds. Though it had not been reported until this morning, yesterday evening there had been a near riot in Kochi City, capital of Kochi prefecture, when public sector employees heard rumors that next payday their paychecks might bounce.

The Prime Minister had issued a statement acknowledging the problem, and giving blanket assurances that the Government spare no effort to root out those responsible and recover the missing funds. The one specific he gave was that it might be necessary to appoint what amounted to an inspector general with broad ranging powers of investigation and discovery, an almost unheard of measure. He was not implicated at this time, but given the extent of the scandal it was hard to say who would not be implicated. Opposition figures felt that the reassurances were a lot of empty talk and quietly boasted that they would unseat the Prime Minister in the next election. That election might come soon, as rumors were circulating that The House of Representatives was considering calling for a Vote of No Confidence. The TV frequently replayed footage showing the visibly shaken Minister of Finance as he was quickly whisked past reporters into the Prime Minister's office to meet with him and several members of the board of governors for the _Nichigin_, or the bank of Japan, which was responsible for the country's monetary policy. Japanese politics always showed the chaos inherent in parliamentary systems, but the near and possibly long term prospects suggested that chaos would treble. The Media, which might normally be pushing hard for information, was in a poor position to do so as they too were trying to figure out the depth to which they had been compromised. Haruka –unusual for her- watched this with considerable interest, until Michiru asked what was on her mind.

"Meh," she said offhandedly, "I think we should keep a closer eye on the news for a little while."

Michiru "tksed" as the news anchor listed the government officials, business and media figures implicated. "The economy of our country always has been a rigid, good ol' boys network," she commented as a phrase she'd heard recently came to mind. "Webs of trust."

"What?" asked Haruka.

"Oh, just a phrase I heard. This is going to cost a great deal in trust."

"Corruption in government officials is never a good thing," Hotaru said, recalling one of her lectures.

"Not to mention incompetence," Haruka said quietly.

Michiru stroked Hotaru's hair, and said, "It's a little unusual for you to be _this_ interested in the news, Haruka."

"Don't you think this news is a bit unusual? Whoever did this was able to bribe reporters. How'd they pull that off? I can understand an isolated case, but this many? It's not unusual that the government is incompetent or corrupt, but reporters make their living and their reputation exposing stuff like that. And this scandal feels different. The Minister of Finance and the _Nichigin_ Board of Governors were looking at each other like they didn't know how bad it was or what the hell happened."

"The Minister of Finance? Is the country in danger of going broke?" asked Hotaru with some concern.

"No, Hotaru," said Setsuna, who had come over to watch. "It is impossible for any government that controls its own currency to become insolvent. It is, however, possible to print so much currency that hyperinflation ensues. No one wishes for that at any time, and especially these days."

"Yeah," said Haruka, "That's what's so interesting. Why the hubbub? Just how much is missing? We have one of the largest economies in the world. Could it be so bad, we'll have another 'lost decade'? Why an inspector general? Can't they find out who did it? It's not some bank heist. This is really big. That kind of money only changes hands through computerized wire transfers. There would have to be people at both ends and any stops along the way. It really looks like they can't figure it out and they're afraid it could happen again. They'll probably be able to paper over it all …"

"Literally," Setsuna added sardonically.

"And they'll have to serve up a few scapegoats," said Haruka smiling. "But something weird happened. There have been some troubling lapses in our national institutions lately. Doesn't take much to reach a critical mass."

"Haruka Tenoh, publicly conscious good citizen," said Michiru, smiling at her. "I think I like it."

"It's not that," said Haruka dismissively. "Maybe we're beginning to see the consequences of what Our Princess did when she defeated Galaxia."

All three of them looked at Haruka.

"If so, we shall do as she says," said Michiru thoughtfully, "and trust in the people that love their world."

"Could be there aren't as many of us around as she thought," Haruka said as she made some more notes.

"No, Haruka-poppa," said Hotaru earnestly. "Somehow the story got out. Even if we are alone, at the very least, we have each other."

Haruka winked at her and then made some more notes.

It was time for breakfast. As they gathered around the table, Setsuna, who was struck not only by what Haruka had said but by the various forms of 'chaotic' behavior she'd experienced lately, looked as if she had something she wanted to say.

"Something on your mind, Setsuna," asked the ever-prescient Michiru.

"It is my usual practice to keep personal matters to myself, but …," she said hesitantly. Everyone looked at her. After a further pause, she told everyone what had happened with her mentoring professor. Hotaru didn't quite understand the exact nature of "the pass" the professor had made at her, but didn't think it wise to ask for clarification on a matter so discomfiting to Setsuna-momma. Haruka and Michiru both acknowledged the serious breach in conduct, and the obvious conflict of interest it generated, but then, surprisingly, advised Setsuna –a very strange feeling for them both- to play it by ear for a while. Of course, he had to go as her mentor, but it would be costly in both time and money to retake classes, and as long as the professor behaved from here on out, she shouldn't be too concerned. Setsuna was equally surprised at the strength and peace of mind she drew from just talking it out with her "old friends." She had been thinking "let it play out" herself.

After they cleared the table, Hotaru got Michiru alone for a moment and asked for specifics about what "making a pass" at someone meant. She understood it was a manner of expressing romantic, or at least erotic, interest in someone, but what she didn't get was "what, exactly, did he do to Setsuna-momma?" It was not a laughing matter, but the seriousness with which Hotaru pressed her question made Michiru put her hand to her lips in amusement. Michiru told Hotaru she didn't know; Setsuna had not told them after all, but then discoursed briefly on ways of making a pass. "Much of the time," Michiru said in closing, "the goodness or badness of it depends on …well, whether the person on the receiving end is … let us say, _receptive_ to the person making the pass. But in this case, Setsuna is rightly upset because her collegiate career is at the mercy of her mentor. He has a lot to say about her success as a college student, especially her junior and senior theses. She wants him to neither punish nor favor her, but to be fair and to give her sound advice. Now she can't trust him to do that." Hotaru got the gist of it. She couldn't pursue it further, but her curiosity was embedded in the context of what she was sure she knew about her tutor's feelings. Was he even the sort of man to "make a pass?"

The morning ended with one further surprise. As they discussed their plans for the day, Setsuna casually mentioned she'd be late getting home tonight. Hotaru would need to do her worksheets and homework while the spending the day with Haruka and Michiru, since this was the Wednesday gap between her Tuesday and Thursday lessons with Kuryakin-san. Then Setsuna quietly suggested to Michiru that this would also give them a chance to see what Hotaru thought of Funabashi Academy. Michiru agreed, and said she'd clue Haruka in, and later they would both carefully ask Hotaru about it. Then Hotaru, wondering about all the whispering, interrupted and asked Setsuna why she wasn't going to be home until late. Given what had happened with her mentoring professor, it couldn't be because she wanted to further discuss her junior thesis with him. Setsuna explained she was going to attend a seminar that evening. Hotaru thought nothing more of it, until she remembered Kuryakin mentioned he was giving a lecture at K.O. on Wednesday.

Which was today.

They all got ready to leave. Since Setsuna could not predict how long that lecture might take, she took advantage of Haruka's courtesy car service and borrowed the blue Ferrari and Haruka's Aqualine pass. As she headed toward the garage, Hotaru leaned out of the back door and called out "Setsuna-momma?"

"Yes, Hotaru?"

"Who's giving the talk you're going to?" she asked, with a little smile on her face.

Setsuna was a bit taken aback, but then said, smooth as silk, "Your tutor."

Hotaru came out into the driveway and watched her go into the garage. Haruka and Michiru came out just in time for Michiru to see Hotaru eye her finger with a smile, then very deliberately lick it, and make a check mark in the air.

* * *

Later that day, Setsuna was walking across the commons at K.O. University. She wasn't certain, but she thought that people might be taking more notice of her and looking at her strangely. _'Had word gotten out about the incident?'_ She sighed. It had been an interesting day. Her first class with the offending professor went off without a hitch. He never so much as looked at her. That did not necessarily mean things had gone well. Perhaps it was just her, but she certainly felt a great deal of tension upon entering the classroom. The second class she had with him was a one day a week seminar, two hours long, also on Wednesdays. Both times, she was careful to wait until there were plenty of other people in the room before entering. The same tension accompanied this class, and it was heightened because it was held in a smaller room, and had fewer students. He did occasionally glance at her but with no different a look than he had for any other student. When she left, she hoped this boded well, but juxtaposed against her desire that the whole sorry incident had never happened, she doubted it.

She had entered the main building and looking at the bulletin board when Miyuki Mayamura saw her.

"Setsuna-san!"

"Miyuki-chan. Are you well?"

"Yes, and how are you these days?"

"I am well," she lied, if only a little.

"I haven't seen you in a while. There was something I needed to ask you. I … well, I was … Oh," she said, shaking her head and gathering herself, "I'll just come right out and ask. Would you be available to be a bridesmaid at my wedding?"

"Oh," said Setsuna. "Possibly. When is it?"

"Well, we've finally set a date, and we're going for mid-May."

"I do not foresee any problem there. I would be most delighted," Setsuna said sincerely. She'd had actually never been to a wedding in her life, much less been a part of the bride's entourage.

"I wonder if I could prevail upon you to be …" the very outgoing and loquacious Miyuki was suddenly withdrawn and close mouthed.

"Yes?" said Setsuna.

"Would you be my maid of honor? Please?"

"Oh," said Setsuna, not quite realizing her friendship meant that much to Miyuki. "That would be a great honor, but are you certain there is not someone more … worthy? Some family member or someone with whom you have been friends longer?"

"I do have many friends, but somehow when I started really thinking about a wedding and all that goes with it, you came to mind first."

"I … would be glad to," she said, somewhat abashedly. This was true enough. She genuinely liked Miyuki, and saw in her many of the things she could never quite be. "But should you change your mind, I would not be offended."

"Oh no," Miyuki said, "now that you've said yes, I won't let you off the hook. You're definitely who I want. I'm pleased that you are willing. I did feel presumptuous in asking, but thank you, Setsuna-chan. It really means a lot to me."

"It will be my pleasure. Will I be the one to give the speech?"

"Oh, no, no," she laughed. "It'll honor enough just having you up there with me. My parents will have to shoulder that burden. I want it to be nothing but fun for you. Now, my mother is doing all the planning, so you don't have to help out there. But I'll be wearing my mother's wedding dress, and I wonder if you could adjust it to fit me? We'll pay you, of course."

"Certainly."

"And I'll want you to be at both parties: first and second. Oh, and I'm going to throw the bouquet directly at you. Don't hide and don't drop it."

"This is quite an honor," Setsuna smiled, genuinely touched. "Thank you, Miyuki-chan."

"Let's see, there was something else. What was it?" The butter blond-haired woman looked deeply thoughtful for a moment. Setsuna feared she was about to find out that word about her mentoring professor had indeed gotten around. Instead Miyuki asked, "Oh yes, how is that tutoring for Hotaru going?"

"It … seems to be going well," said Setsuna, but her expression became very "stressed."

"Is that a bad thing? You don't look happy about it."

"My apologies, Miyuki-chan. I have a great deal on my mind."

Miyuki apparently thought her lapse into discomfiture had something to do with Kuryakin-san, and not her worries over other matters. For the moment, Setsuna allowed the conversation to continue under that misunderstanding.

"Setsuna-san, my advice to you was serious, as was my diagnosis of Hotaru. May I speak _plainly_?"

"Of course."

"I've been fascinated by you since I met you. First of all, I cherish your good will and friendship very much. I could've never gotten through advanced statistics without your help. But also, you don't … fit. My training is supposed to enable me to understand people, and you are not like any … um, type I've ever heard of. Honestly, I've never met anyone like you. You're mature, and self-sufficient, and yet there is this part of you that seems, I don't know … troubled? … tragic? … and calling out for … something. It makes me want to help you, if I there's anything I could do for someone like you. I really look up to you, and I would be very sorry to have given you bad advice or, in any way, caused you to take a course of action that brought you grief. Has Kuryakin-san done something wrong? Is he not doing a good job?"

"No. As a matter of fact," Setsuna said with just a hint of a smile, "he's been the very kind to Hotaru. And very good for her. I've never seen her happier."

"Okay. Good," Miyuki replied. "So, what are you doing here so late? Going to have dinner with your mentor again?"

Setsuna tensed up for a moment, then quieted herself, but not before Miyuki had caught it.

"No," she said, firmly. "I'm staying to attend a lecture."

"I don't envy you physics majors. All the extra stuff you have to do just to keep up with … Oh my God, he still has those things?"

Miyuki glanced at the bulletin board and saw a flyer for Kuryakin's lecture with his picture on it.

"What?" asked Setsuna, as she turned to look at it.

"Those mutton chops - I think that's what they're called. Aren't they hilarious?"

"Oh. Well, I suppose," she said, looking at the picture on the flyer. Setsuna thought they were just an affectation, though when they first met, she remembered thinking they made him look dashing, like an English Gentleman of the Victorian Era, but with a slight hint of wildness.

"'_A Beautiful Nation or a Good One?'_ Interesting title. Sounds very … academic, doesn't it?" Miyuki snerked, but then she noticed something. "Wait a minute! This is tonight. Setsuna?" she asked with a tiny but suspicious smile. "You're not going to this thing, are you?"

Setsuna nodded slightly.

"I didn't know you had an interest in history and politics."

"I do have some interest in perspectives on history, yes."

That was probably true, but Miyuki wasn't buying it as the whole explanation.

"Still checking him out, are you?" she asked suggestively.

"Perhaps. It is not unlike your attempts to puzzle me out," Setsuna said airily.

Miyuki smiled. She considered it the highest of compliments to herself that she was able to draw this occasionally dour woman into lighter conversation, and give her a break from whatever perpetually weighty matters she carried in her heart. So Setsuna was still acting strange over this tutor business. _'Odd.'_ Up until now, Miyuki had accepted that Setsuna was simply a very private person who had wanted the matter of Hotaru's seizures handled with the sort of discretion and delicacy any such person would require. This was the first time she wondered if it there was more to it than that: if Setsuna was not only private but secretive about something. It did fit with things she'd noticed or at least _thought_ she'd noticed, but could never quite remember clearly. On top of which, she had to wonder what about Kuryakin-san so fascinated Setsuna. She was not the least oblivious to the most obvious possibility, but as with Hotaru, she got the distinct impression there was more going on than the immediately apparent. It would have been fun to stay and observe her, but she had to meet her fiancé for dinner. Then, as she and Setsuna parted ways, it occurred to her that it would almost be worth the fun of that to call her intended and beg off.

* * *

At the appointed hour, Setsuna took a program, entered the auditorium and sat on the aisle, near the back, under the balcony where it was darkest. It was a mid-sized room that seated about 400 people. It was usually used for small scale drama productions, and even had a narrow orchestra pit. The seats were elevated in echelon but the balcony hung over the last ten rows which would allow her to remain unobserved. She truly did not want him to see her. She was here to learn a little more about him, so she told herself, and did not want to put him on his guard.

The stage lights came on to reveal five leather chairs behind a podium with a retractable step box. Kuryakin came onto the stage with Vice President Kishimura and a few other faculty members. He seemed a bit shy and quite deferential. He certainly towered above everyone nearby. He was chatting with Dr. Mori, a superbly intelligent woman in her late forties who taught history until she was appointed academic dean last year. They all sat down and he continued talking with Professor Mori. He must have been telling her a funny story because she started laughing. Setsuna looked over the audience, and noticed that a considerable number of faculty –primarily in the humanities- were scattered throughout. In the first two rows, she saw President Anami, and several if not most of the members of faculty search committee. Strange. This lecture was a big deal for some reason. She took a look at the program. Under the title, there was an epigraph that was, she supposed, intended to set the tone for what was coming:

… _And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins;_

_When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,_

_As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,_

_The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return._

–_**Rudyard Kipling**_

She took note that Kuryakin himself had put a nicely done, very poetic translation in Japanese next to it and an explanation that Copybook Headings were truisms written at the top page of the copybook, which in times past served as a model for a student practicing penmanship to emulate on the page below. Then the lights dimmed, and VP Kishimura got up to introduce Kuryakin.

'_Ah, yes,'_ Setsuna thought. _'He tutored Dr. Kishimura's son. His name was on the list of references.'_

As the vice president began his introduction, Setsuna was surprised to hear her name whispered quietly.

"What are you doing here?" she said with some exasperation to Miyuki, who was working past to sit down in the seat beside her.

"Oh," she said smiling at Setsuna, "somehow this seemed like the fun place to be tonight. My goodness, it looks like the whole faculty search committee is here. What's that about, I wonder."

She could sense that Setsuna was very tense now. _'Yes, this would be very fun.'_

Kuryakin began:

"For the record, 201 centimeters."

There were a few chuckles from the audience, after which he told a few self-effacing jokes. Then, after expressing deep regret for "inflicting my poor command of Japanese" upon this semi-captive audience, he dove right in to the subject.

"I've been asked to talk to you tonight about whether 'a beautiful nation' to quote the slogan from your Prime Minister's recent campaign, is the same thing as 'a good one.' By way of this, and in order to give you your money's worth tonight, we will take the long way around to this. So first, I need to give you my view of what drives human history …"

The lecture proceeded apace, and Kuryakin made the following assertions:

1) The great question of history is nothing more, less or other than this: how will love conquer death? The driving force of history is collective human passion, especially the fear of mortality. But it is not the fear of individual death so much as the fear of the death of the race / tribe. Young men, especially, are perfectly willing to die, if they know that by their deaths their race, their language, their culture will continue. It has been the cause of nearly all wars, and will continue to be so.

2) This fear of ethnic death is a legitimate fear. How many peoples have gone into the dustbins of history without leaving so much as a pottery shard or the slightest trace of their language? What of the Sarmatians, the Lusitani, the Dalmatians, and such, peoples history had barely heard of and who had left little trace once they passed into oblivion. He then recounted several periods in history where "the great extinction of peoples" occurred, including the end of the Bronze Age, the_ epigonoi_ of Alexander the Great, the aftermath of the Fall of Rome, and even in the present day, where according to the anthropologists, a language dies out every two weeks because the numbers of those who speak it dwindle and die out; by the end of 21st century two thirds of the languages currently on this earth will be gone. He also drew on examples from literature to make his case, with special focus on the last part of the Beowulf saga, where the old woman laments the death of the hero because it means no one is left to protect the tribe, and they will now pass into oblivion.

3) He then connected this to present day Japan. "Demography is destiny," he said. "The future belongs to those who show up for it." And it seems that only the humble are willing to do the hard work of birthing and raising the next generation. "The Meek" will indeed inherit the earth; they will do so by default. Japan has entered upon a period of demographic implosion, and downward spiral in which to maintain the pensions and the social safety net, people had to work more, and put off having children, which meant that there would be fewer workers to support a population where the median age keeps rising. The downward spiral gets increasingly harder to pull out of, until you reach a point of no return. Japan, which entered negative birth to death ratio in 2003 –not 2005 as was originally thought- was very close to that point – if it wasn't past it already. Kuryakin then went out of his way to express his belief that, sadly, they were indeed past that point. What happens then?

4) At that point, desperation sets in; desperation is the father of fascism, and other solutions heretofore considered 'extreme.' Using the crowning example of fascism, Nazism, he asserted that no one will ever understand the power of Hitler's message to the German people until they understand that the Germans themselves sincerely believed they faced a dire and immediate existential threat. "Even your grandfathers – we are adults and professionals here, let us speak plainly - could understand this," for as the war went badly, the battles were increasingly presented as a matter of the very survival of the race. It was the attitude of the Japanese army that there be no surrender and if necessary "100 million die as one." If we are to die, let us die marching into the guns. There is a certain courage, even manliness, in this position, no question. It is a regrettable thing to say, but most cultures are not 'keepers.' In the face of the cultural leveling and creative destruction of Globalism, there are many peoples who feel as your militarists did at the close of that terrible war. Who is to say, that in the end, that is not what haunts you yet, this very day? A slow suicide instead of a quick one? But as you did not clearly take that path in the past, I hope will not take it now. For if this country has reached that far gone a point of desperation, what will its citizens not be able to justify?

5) His final and shortest point was a brief discourse on why the beautiful was not the good. Evil men can appreciate beauty. Hitler loved not only Wagner but Beethoven, and Bruckner more than either. The Japanese affinity for the fleeting beauty of nature was wonderful in a way, but not in a moral one. Nature is beautiful, but it is also cruel. Even the more recondite "inner" beauty of nature, he stated, cannot be equated with the good, for it was those few elites who understand that inner beauty the best, the great physicists, who created the atomic weapons that destroyed "those two cities to the southwest."

He ended the lecture part thusly:

"So then, my prescription for the coming decades: prepare yourself. There's a good deal of tragedy ahead. And how do you do that? Start with a few basic things. This quote is from, of all things, one of your animated films …"

There were some jaundiced stares from the audience.

"_You cannot so much as live without your daily bread. Truth changes to lies when it leaves your lips. Virtue changes to evil when it leaves your hands. What you see as good may not be good as God sees it. What can any of you do but pray? Prayer is a small thing, but it is everything. There is nothing nobler than prayer. There is nothing more humble._ That is from the fictional 'Book of Dao,' in the animated film _The Wings of Honneamise_, and I am not out of sympathy with that _via negativa_ point of view. To that, I would add this more positive quote from the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr: _nothing worth doing is completed in our lifetime; therefore, we are saved by hope. Nothing true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we are saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own; therefore, we are saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness._

We must also remember not only the dignity but the efficacy of hard, gritty work that does not in any immediate context, gratify our desires, fulfill our ambitions and flatter our self-images. Great things are made up of many small things done well. It is neither easy nor fun nor beautiful to help a troubled person, or dress someone's bedsores or clean out a bedpan. But these are _good_ things to do. Kindness, or really I should say goodness, is the only thing not lost to the streams of time. Even beauty, as the poet Franz Kugler has said, must die, but the good turn, done well, is eternal. It is the only thing that is.

Finally, in spite of all the dire things I've suggested tonight, never, ever underestimate what one person can do. The hearts and souls of human beings are the decisive actors on the great stage, not the machinations of strategists, the talking heads, or the paid, professional predictors. Providence changes the world through individuals. Forget the statistics, the calculations, the balance of forces, the whole apparatus of strategic sophistry. In all of history, there has really been only one great, and ongoing war: the fight for human souls. Once you realize that, you are in a very, very different world. So I challenge you, in fact I beg you, to live your lives in such a way that you prove me wrong. No one will be happier than I to be so proven.

Thank you for your attention tonight."

His editorializing during the speech and the moralizing at the end notwithstanding, the lecture was erudite, multidisciplinary to an astounding depth, laced with authoritative quotes from source material and delivered with a command of the Japanese language that far from being poor, was sublimely eloquent. Setsuna expected this, and was not disappointed, though he had, in the best of pedagogical fashion, made the lecture easily understandable for anyone present. What she didn't expect was how funny he was, in spite of the weighty topic. He had sprinkled the lecture with puns on the Japanese language. Bad puns were easy in Japanese, but really good _bad_ puns were quite difficult to bring off and his were very clever, eliciting ironically-raised eyebrows and complimentary groans. He was not just witty, though, but laugh-out-loud funny. Twice he had the audience laughing heartily, and again near the end when he told a "nature is cruel" story about a friend of his on a rafting trip. The man was one of those perpetual spiritual seekers. His religion of the week was animism. Every morning he got up and talked to "his brothers the trees," his sisters the flowers, and his cousins the spiders, and so forth. Then as they were headed down the river and pulled over for lunch, an osprey dropped from the sky and plucked a 20" trout from the river not ten feet in front of them. His would-be animist friend watched the whole thing with curiously horrified fascination. Kuryakin came up behind him and, with his voice at its deepest, deadpanned in his friend's ear: "Wow. Ol' Brother Osprey just _whacked_ Brother Trout. Look a' that." Setsuna smiled herself, as did Miyuki, who continued to watch Setsuna throughout the proceedings.

Miyuki was indeed quite glad she came tonight. For one thing, it was pleasant to remember just how worried her family was about her brother and how he had pulled through. When Kuryakin mentioned how it was "not easy" to truly help a troubled soul, her eyes even got a little moist. Also rewarding and informative was her careful and quite subtle –so she thought- observation of Setsuna. At more than one point, "the subject" shook her head slightly as if she disagreed rather strongly with what Kuryakin was saying. A couple of times, she looked downright ready to argue with the point being made. The most significant thing of which Miyuki took note: not once did Setsuna's eyes leave the podium. It was as though she were mesmerized by him.

'_Hmmm,'_ the blond thought, as a little plan began to form in her mind. _'I wonder if she affects him the way he seems to affect her.'_

A question and answer period began. Toward the end of the talk, technicians began setting up microphones, and Setsuna observed anxiously that one of them was set up in the aisle right by the row in which she and Miyuki were sitting. A few of the early questioners complimented Kuryakin on his superb command of the language. One asked if he had anything to say on the current scandal.

"A little less 'they all do it' fatalism on the part of the general public would be nice," he replied. "Fatalism isn't much distinct from indifference. Societal indifference is the end point of a civilization. I'm glad that so many are troubled by the apparent inability of your leaders to figure what exactly happened and to what extent. It reminds me of how your government managed to lose the records of some 50 million pensioners some years back. Only this seems to be far worse. They claimed it was a computer glitch. Really? And yet it's full steam ahead on your plan to turn over the care of your elderly to robots? I'm sure nothing will go wrong," he said with a wink.

One young man in the row in front of Setsuna and Miyuki got up, and went to the nearby microphone. Miyuki took note as Setsuna shrank down into her seat a bit. The student began quoting a recent, best-selling nationalist tract as though it were holy writ, and then asked Kuryakin, rather heatedly, whether the acceptance of a certain amount of corruption was tolerable if it preserved Japanese traditional society.

"I'm very fond of Japanese traditional society," Kuryakin responded amicably. He was expecting this kind of reaction from at least a few people, and in fact, handled correctly, the young hothead was likely to help him make some of his points. He proceeded by zeroing in on some of the major assertions of that tract's author, which he had read when it came out. "I think that the special affinity of your people for the fleeting beauty of nature is one of mankind's most poignant protests against mortality. Problem is there is nothing in nature to keep those who wake up in the morning appreciating nature's beauty from imitating her cruelty by sundown. Hiding corruption behind vacuous slogans like 'a beautiful nation?' Maybe you should ask those on the receiving end of the corruption what they think."

"I have," the student barked. "Most of the people I know would put up with a lot before they'd let outsider modes of thought influence their thinking."

"I don't doubt that's the case," he replied. "You've asked for my opinion, I must respectfully honor your request. My motto on the scandal is rather exacting: _fiat justitia ruat caelum_. Let justice be done though the heaven falls –and all her sons. Furthermore, I think it is foolish to believe that as a society you can go back to some sort of Code of Bushido, not because I think it would, on the whole, be a bad idea – I do think that, I mean, it worked so well that last time, right? - but because it's simply not possible. Too much has changed and all those connections are broken. It wouldn't be real or 'organic,' as they say. It would only be a nostalgic simulacrum. And the surest sign that many may be trying is the difficulty some, possibly in this very room, have with being honest about your country's past. I know how hard it can be to be honest about the past. I know all too well. But that's a trap. I speak from personal experience; no good can come of it. However, you needn't worry about my worthless, little opinion. I'm just a _'gaijin'_ after all."

"Damn right," the student muttered under his breath, within the hearing of Miyuki and Setsuna, as he sat down. "I don't know what the guiding lights of this university were thinking having this Hairy Big Nose here."

Some of the people around them squirmed a bit though whether it was at the naked racism or merely the bad manners was up for grabs. Miyuki frowned, wishing she could take back that little moment of levity about Kuryakin's sideburns. Setsuna didn't react visibly, but her revulsion at this was all the more violent for its silence. In fact, she was surprised at how vehemently she found herself mentally defending tonight's speaker. He was very bold – too bold perhaps- but he did it with such unfailing manners, that he clearly knew, and knew deeply, the nature of the people he was dealing with. More than that she knew he was a kind man; whether she agreed with his lecture or not, he certainly didn't deserve such a craven and vicious comment. However, as someone who saw the big picture herself, she had also noticed that the young student's reaction had in fact made his point. It was cleverly done, and she was impressed. His use of the Latin aphorism with the addendum -_"and all her sons"- _ was also quite pointed for many still considered Japan's Royal Family to made up of "The Sons of Heaven" or the _tenno_, the very word from which her housemate Haruka's surname derived. Royal bashing was quite a new sport to the Japanese, but the press had found the voice to do so in the last decade, and thus people found it necessary to "choose sides." None of the royals had been implicated in the scandal, and that would have been unusual, for the royalty had no real power. However, the royal family was still a powerful national symbol and it was clear if any of them had been implicated what both the opinions of Kuryakin and his angry interlocutor would be.

The next questioner was cool, polite and reasonable and she asked a multilayered question. All these things combined to make her tougher to answer. Her question, though politely put, amounted to whether Kuryakin thought Japan should become more like America and in what ways. Setsuna watched this with great interest for it seemed to her the woman had set something of a trap for him. Miyuki picked up on this as well. She felt like she had just seen the opening of a chess match.

"As you have asked for my opinion," he began, "I must not fail to answer you, but I have nothing to say about who you should become more like, especially for the mere sake of 'being like someone else.' And it would be the height of rudeness to suggest such a thing. Let me instead commend your greatest strength: your people have a superb and laudable understanding of what the individual owes the community. I can think of certain groups of people in America I wish would become more like you in that regard. But there is a danger in the heart of your strength. It is that you may fall short in realizing what the community ought to provide the individual."

"How so?" she said energetically. "Our country, especially by any western standards, has excellent schools, hospitals, an abundance of material goods, high salaries and good pensions, a low crime rate, safe streets, public transportation, flourishing industries, very stable public order."

"Indeed it does," he responded. "You'll never hear me say otherwise; all of those things, especially your most excellent and efficient public transportation system, are admired the world over. These things are all wonderful and admirable - as far as they go. Surely you did not adopt so many of the ways of the West out of mere mimicry? I would prefer to think that your ancestors around the turn of the last century saw the good in them and set about gaining that good for yourselves. Is this merely about becoming like someone else? Perhaps we should think in terms of becoming better than who you are now. Does not the desire to be a 'beautiful nation' admit of trouble? Does it not suggest that you know you are not yet as 'beautiful' as you wish to be?

"Then I would ask," said the woman, "what, on your view, can we do that we have not done?"

"Ay, there's the rub," Kuryakin said, his eyes brightening. "You have flourished since the end of the war, and if we accept that social and material well-being is all that is needed to bring happiness, then you can conclude that your country is as close to paradise on earth as one could hope to get. But even in such a paradise as this, there is the existential snake-in-the-grass. It seems once the material needs have been met, there is still the question exemplified by the title of a song once popular in America: 'What's it all about, Alfie?' It is entirely possible to find material abundance and poverty of meaning living side by side."

In places where the individual is emphasized over the community, individuals might become megalomaniacal and think themselves nothing short of gods. A nation of gods would tend to be raucous, unstable, even close to anarchical. That is why so much of the history of the West is a seemingly never-ending tale of revolutions. But is the solution to be found in the other extreme? In either direction, despair is an ever present temptation. Where the collective is so emphasized over the individual, is it really all that surprising that certain individuals could come to see themselves as having no worth? According to government statistics, in the last 40 years over a million of your people have committed suicide. Those are _official_ statistics, and I, by sheer contrarian temperament, cannot help but be skeptical of anything official. It is said, though I do not know, that the number may actually be twice that high, and the number of attempted suicides, higher by an order of magnitude. Whatever the case, it is a statistically significant segment of your population. Something is clearly amiss. Could it be, as it is said, that man does not live by bread alone?"

"But as you say," the woman responded, "there are different ways to commit suicide. Europe seems to be in the same state as us. Once, Sweden had a similar difficulty with rising suicide rates. Even without the overt killing of oneself, a life of _ennui_ can be just as debilitating. Could we perhaps agree those among my people who have overtly ended their lives have, in an odd way, been more … honest?"

"That is most excellently put," he replied, nodding very deferentially toward her. "It would seem that that neither a cradle-to-grave welfare state, nor a strong sense of the collective is enough in the end to answer the question, 'what's it all about?' Allow me to suggest a possible diagnosis for this problem. It is often our strengths that become our weaknesses: very often our efforts don't answer as many questions or satisfy our needs as much as we'd hoped. Pessimism lies not in being weary of bad things, but in being weary of good things: when food no longer nourishes, when medicines no longer cure, when blessings no longer bless. Despair is not found in being weary of suffering, but in being weary of joy. I can only suggest those Western values that you have adopted with such stunning success might not be enough in themselves. Perhaps they are a mere stage on the way to something else? The world may be of such a nature that to stand still is fall behind."

Setsuna was mulling over the similarities between what Kuryakin had just said, and what she had told the Outer Senshi about the nature of time and history and how it was converging into 'One History.' She wondered if Mister Kuryakin wasn't, with the utmost of deference and respectfulness, being intentionally provocative, for that was certainly the effect. Then she noticed that Dr. Kishimura was watching the proceedings with a something of a smile and at once she understood, correctly, what was happening. Dr. Kishimura was agreed by all to be the president-in-waiting who would take over KO University when Dr. Anami, who was getting on in years, retired. He was also known as a leader who, more than most, took the long view. It was doubtful that he was in close, never mind utter, agreement with everything Kuryakin was saying, but he clearly thought it good that these issues were being aired and discussed openly.

Kuryakin was a peculiarly perfect person to do this. He was _soto,_ an outsider, and as such he was entitled to the deference always shown to outsiders, up to a point. The concept of _uchi-soto_ groups (_lit._ inside – outside) was very powerful in Japan. It not only designated rigid social markers, but inhered deeply in the native language itself and in how it was to be spoken. If one were to hold forth to someone else, especially a "superior," on the color of the sky, he would say "My worthless opinion is that the sky is blue." If the "junior" were to explain to another person the opinion of the superior about the color of the sky, the junior would say, "My superior's excellent opinion is that the sky is blue." It even required different verbs, declensions, and syntax. The opinions could be the same, and even be true, but if a junior person is speaking, his opinion was a worthless one, while the superior's opinion was always "excellent" even if the superior thought the sky was brown.

As a _gaijin_ (foreigner) speaking on weighty matters to an accomplished group of highly educated Japanese citizens, Kuryakin was decidedly an outsider and junior, and he flawlessly inflected his speech to acknowledge this. Yet, as Setsuna well knew, his command of the language was anything but "poor." As good manners required, the questions were always "excellent" ones, and Kuryakin's answers were always "worthless," but the man giving the worthless answers spoke the language better than most of the people asking the excellent questions, so much so, that some people quite felt the irony. The overall effect was such that, to anyone with a sufficiently open heart, what he was saying got through the thickets of cultural and linguistic prejudices.

Thus, in their tongue, as if from one of their own, who "dreamed their dreams in their language," the audience members were hearing things only an outsider could be so excusably blunt as to bring up. He, better than any of the faculty at KO, could take the heat for the saying the hard things that needed to be said. Apparently Dr. Kishimura wanted this thing done, and saw that Mister Kuryakin was the perfect man to _'bell the cat' _for him. Setsuna suspected that Kuryakin knew exactly how he was being used, and yet he not only consented; he did it with charm, politeness and gusto. She also wondered whether either man would pay some kind of price for what he was doing tonight, but it was so very well-played. This had been a very, very interesting evening, indeed.

Then it got even better. One of the listeners, a career-oriented woman who had apparently taken a little offense at his holding forth on current Japanese demographics and cultural priorities, got to a microphone.

"You've spoken very articulately on the importance of self-sacrifice in rearing the next generation," she said.

"_Arigatou_ (thank you.)"

"So, if I may ask, … how many children do you have?"

He smiled sheepishly, and some in the audience began to chuckle.

"A very, _very_ fair question," he said with a slight bow to her. Then he paused, as if to gather himself, and said, "It was my deepest hope to have many children, but my wife was killed while carrying our first child. I have not since found anyone to equal her, so I have none. For now."

He said it plainly and easily, but the brief hush that descended on the audience was palpable.

"_G-gomen nasai_ (I'm sorry)," said the questioner after an awkward pause.

"Quite all right," he replied. "It was a fair question. And it's only fair you know that when I talk of tragedy I know whereof I speak. Next question?"

This was, ostensibly, just the sort of thing that Setsuna had come here to discover, but she was caught off guard by _this_ revelation, and at how the knowledge impacted her. There was "a twisting of her heart" - that was the only way to describe it- such as she had never known. She had heard Miyuki's little "oh, no," gasp, but that was nothing compared to the strange way in which she felt this as a blow to her own self. This was the second time an insight into Peter Kuryakin's past quickly turned him from a mere "subject of her investigations" to a flesh and blood human being with whom one, for varied reasons, almost immediately empathized. The humanity of the man, so suddenly realized in these moments, was breathtaking.

Several more people asked questions that moved the discussion toward literature and ancient history, dissipating the tension that had accrued during the last few exchanges. Kuryakin was as deft and witty with them as he had been during his talk. Then, with a mischievous gleam in her eye, Miyuki decided to put her little plan into action and watch what happened. Setsuna nearly exclaimed "no!" aloud as Miyuki rose, stepped past her and to the nearby microphone.

"I have a question."

"Yes, miss? Ah, _konban wa_, Mi-chan," he said, recognizing her. "I'm surprised to see you here, but thank you for com …"

Kuryakin froze. He had just seen Setsuna. She intended to catch Setsuna's reaction, but his was even more interesting. He looked as though he'd been shot. _'Oho, the plot thickens,'_ thought Miyuki.

"Um," he said after an awkward pause, "_-'hem_- what was your question, Miss Mayamura?"

'_You've no idea what I'd really like to ask,'_ she thought, smiling, but then said, "You mentioned what you thought would happen if the bribery scandal had occurred in America. On the news tonight, it was reported that a member of the House of Councilors committed suicide after giving his testimony before the investigative committee. If this had happened in America, would a member of the Senate commit suicide?"

"It's possible, though not likely. Some crimes are more heinous than others, yes, and occasionally deserving of death in my never humble opinion, but if everyone got what they deserved, I don't know that there would be any one left. In light of that, Americans have a funny characteristic: they forgive easily, as they did after WWII. Part of that was obviously self-serving. They went straight from WWII into the Cold War and needed allies. Yet they did rebuild Germany and this country, with whom they had just fought a hideously vicious war. Some of their own think they forgive too easily, but I am sure that part of it is a belief in second chances. Even when it's unconscious, deep down they believe deeply in that. Let me ask, do you consider the councilor's action 'honorable?'"

"Myself?" asked Miyuki. "No, the _honorable_ thing would have been to blow the whistle on the whole scam, instead letting yourself get hung out to dry by the bigger crooks, which is what I think happened."

"Really? I didn't catch the news tonight. What makes you think he wasn't guilty? Did he confess to anything?"

"No," she said, "and if all you saw was the news, you'd think he _was_ guilty, but I saw the end of his testimony this morning. He insisted on his innocence – to the very end. Once he was dead, more things just suddenly came to light that made him look guilty, and now the whole scandal seems to winding down and everything is being smoothed over. Seems a little too pat to me."

'_Good for you, Mi-chan,'_ Kuryakin smiled a little. He wanted to say much more, but it would have required a lengthy digression –really another lecture entirely- and he needed to get this back to what could be permissibly said in the current setting.

"But," Miyuki continued, "I think some would say the councilor's action was quite 'honorable'."

"_Assuming you are right_," he replied, holding up a cautionary finger, "it would not be honorable. It would be cowardly and tragic, and in the very Greek sense of the word: the inevitable manifestation of inherent flaws. It would also be predictable, and understandable given the circumstances. It's possible the poor fellow felt utterly trapped. There is a cycle of tragedy not just in history, but inside each of us that will trap you if it can. If you insist on life being tragic, you can be sure it will be. Time and again, people are driven inevitably to certain actions, by fear of death, or loss of face, or a hundred other very human things. Life, by definition, is a failure. The question of Tragedy vs. Transformation is nothing less than the question of determinism and freewill: the issue is freedom: the freedom to go right, as well as wrong, and the freedom to break out of the cycles of tragedy. You will know that is happening when you begin to see that life is something more like a comedy, or, to put it more precisely, a _commedia_."

"You haven't changed at all, Kuryakin-san," Miyuki replied. "I'm glad I came tonight."

"_Arigatou_," he smiled at her. With that, Vice-President Kishimura closed the proceedings. Kuryakin again took note of Setsuna, looking pleasantly bewildered at her presence here. Polite applause broke out, and lasted a sufficient amount of time to suggest general sincerity. Kuryakin acknowledged it, and then left the stage with the university higher ups that came out with him, looking back over his shoulder in Setsuna's direction one last time as he disappeared.

Setsuna was not angry with Miyuki for drawing attention to her, though perhaps she should have been. She said goodbye to Miyuki, and then walked out thinking about the admittedly jarring revelation concerning Kuryakin's lost wife and child. She was still having trouble coming to grips with it, and wasn't sure why, but somehow, by the time she began the drive home, all the empathy she'd felt had been subverted, and he was back to being a mere 'subject' she was studying. Given the wealth of things to think about in the lecture, it was very odd that her thoughts increasingly centered on one seemingly insignificant thing. Throughout the entire lecture, he referred to Americans –whenever they came up- as "they," not "we." It may have been Kuryakin just playing the objective and dispassionate observer, but somehow she got the feeling it wasn't. Someone asked him about that and he said, "Yes, I do mean 'we' of course," but with such a wink and a nod that the mystery of the man deepened yet again in the mind of Setsuna Meioh.


	15. Chapter 05 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

**Chapter 5- Modi Vivendi**

**(Part4)**

'_Kuryakin-sensei? You look terrible!'_

Hotaru nearly said it as he let her in to the studio the next day. He was neat and properly dressed, but that only set off the bloodshot eyes and a face that was haggard despite his wan attempt at a smile. It was the only time he'd ever greeted her with anything less than enthusiasm. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, and suggest that maybe, for his sake, they should cancel today's lesson. He must not have had a very good night- at all.

As he led her to the Blue Room, Hotaru wondered if it had anything to do with his lecture the previous evening. When Setsuna-momma got home last night she talked about it quite bit, and had mentioned that he'd noticed she was there. Hotaru intended to watch him closely today, looking for opportunities to affirm that of which her illicit look at those letters had all but convinced her. Kuryakin-sensei perked up quickly, a testament to his vigor, and perhaps the efficacy of the large cup of coffee he drank while she filled out a review sheet. Done with that, she handed the sheet to him and he began the morning lecture. That was followed by a science lesson about lasers in the physics lab and by the time they took their morning walk, he looked perfectly normal. Nonetheless, Kuryakin-sensei was someone who was always at his best when others were around. He had never failed to be sharp and ready to go from the moment she arrived. She would not easily forget his face this morning.

As they walked through the park, she wished she could take another look at those letters she should not have read. Maybe his appearance had to do with "Thérèse," whoever she was. She wished she'd been able to remember more of what he'd written. Once she realized what she what she was seeing, she became very focused on getting answers to a few very specific and important queries. Another peek was out of the question. Though it had taken some time for the guilt of snooping into someone's private life to descend upon her, when it did, it fell heavily enough that she would never do that again. To do anymore would have been overt snooping, not the almost innocent glance she'd taken.

'_Yes,'_ she thought, as they exited the park and headed back to the studio. _'I saw enough there. Still … what kind of life has he led?'_

A music lesson was up next. Michiru-momma had started her on a new piece. Kuryakin-sensei told her its history, where it fell in the composer's oeuvre and any circumstances of note surrounding its composition. Then they began playing. She had a few little interpretive changes she wanted to try and did so. He made a few small suggestions, but otherwise nodded with approval. When they were done, she began packing up her violin and, since they were in the music room, she thought to ask him about that song she'd heard Setsuna-momma listening to a few nights ago.

"Let me see," he said, "I think I can remember all the songs I played that night. Did I say anything about it?"

"You said something about the arrangement being very nice, I think."

"Oh, _that_ one?"

He sat down at the piano and began playing.

"Yes, that's the one."

"Here, let's listen to it." He grabbed the remote control for his sound system. After hitting a few buttons, waiting, and then hitting some more, a melancholy introduction in the strings began. It meandered a bit, finally settling into the key of D-flat major.

_When I fall in love_

_It will be forever…_

"Now, you see what I mean," Kuryakin said, "the strings on that are just sublime. Simple, ethereal, beautiful."

_Or I'll never fall in love_

"I don't exactly understand these words coming up here," said Hotaru.

"Okay, I'll translate it for you," he said, and proceeded.

_In a restless world like this is…_

_Love is ended before it's begun_

_And too many moonlight kisses_

_Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun._

_When I give my heart_

_It will be completely._

_Or I'll never give my heart._

_And the moment I can feel that_

_you feel that way too_

_Is when I fall in love with you._

"The singer is Nat King Cole," said Kuryakin, during the instrumental bridge. "He was well-known in Japan during his heyday. He did a few songs in Japanese. _Autumn Leaves_ was one, if I remember right."

"It's a beautiful song. I like the words," Hotaru said, a bit dreamily.

_And the moment I can feel that_

_you feel that way too_

_Is when I fall in love with you._

"It is pleasant song," he said, after it ended. "The arrangement is excellent. The words are okay, although I don't think that line about how _'too many moonlight kisses seem to cool in the warmth of the sun'_ really works. Should have said something like _'the gentle moonlight kisses seem to die in the glare of the sun'_, or something like that."

"Kuryakin-sensei," she said, smiling and giggling inwardly at his almost compulsive desire to make anything better, "you could just say it's a nice song and leave it at that."

'_Cheeky little charmer,' _he smiled. "Why did you want to know about it?"

"After that night at the hospital, I heard it again somewhere and I was just wondering what the words meant," she said bashfully. This was true enough, but she really wanted to know _exactly_ what it meant, and why Setsuna-momma was listening to it over and over again last Tuesday night. The song obviously had meaning for her, but why? It spoke of finding that one special person and giving your heart completely to him. If it meant her tutor, then why the strange ambivalence about him? _'How puzzling you are, Setsuna-momma,'_ thought Hotaru. She could tell Kuryakin nothing of this. Instead, she asked him about something that had been weighing on her mind more and more.

"Kuryakin-sensei?" she asked, her voice slightly plaintive. "Are you going to teach me next year?"

"I don't think so, Hotaru-kun," he said. "We're accomplishing what we set out to accomplish. You don't really need much more in the way of education. You need more socialization. Friends, to put it simply. It would be best for you to be with people your own age, not keeping some dour loner company."

Hotaru looked very distant and grave. She remembered the way Haruka and Michiru slyly –so they thought- asked her what she thought of Funabashi Academy; after enough of it, it was pretty obvious why.

"Of course, I'd be happy to keep teaching you," he said conciliatorily. "Wouldn't even charge for it."

"Do you mean that?" she said, perking up.

"Yes," he said, matter-of-factly. "I would do anything for you, Hotaru-kun."

She smiled, but sadly.

"So," he said, trying to change the subject. "Did Miss Meioh say anything about my lecture?"

"Yes, she did, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, sounding happy to talk about it. "She said you were _very_ opinionated."

"Hmmm," he smiled.

"She was also very upset."

"Why?" he asked, looking troubled.

"Oh, not at you!" she responded quickly. "Someone made a very mean comment about you."

"I can imagine. I was invited to be provocative. It's okay, Hotaru-kun. I'm a big boy. I can take it."

A quiet moment ensued.

"There's one thing that puzzles me," he ventured gently. "She came, but she didn't want me to know she was there. I wonder why?"

"I don't know, Kuryakin-sensei," she said, noting, not without pleasure, this was the first time he'd ever asked anything personal about Setsuna-momma. "I do know she wanted to argue with you."

"Too bad she didn't," he said softly. "That could have been fun."

"In fact, after she got home, she did … to Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma, until I suggested that if she was going to argue with you, you really ought to be present for it."

"Cheeky girl," he smiled slyly, and took this retort as evidence that Hotaru was becoming more confident. "I'd sure there are many things we would argue about. Miss Meioh is the sort of person who can't see the trees for the forest. I have the opposite problem. Had anyway."

'_So he does think about her,'_ Hotaru thought, a little look of determination crinkling the corners of her violet eyes._ 'Perhaps this explains his appearance this morning. No, not quite, but something …'_

"Well, so much for my moment in the spotlight," Kuryakin said. "We need to do one more thing before lunch. This is not over till you pass your finals with flying colors. Let's go, Hotaru-kun. _Ganbare yo! _(Let's do our best!)"

"_Ha-yee!_"

The rest of the day proceeded as usual – for the most part. Lunch consisted of leftovers from the previous few days. Usually, it was always something he'd made fresh that day. Afterword, there was a lot of work that included some more practice at writing essay answers for tests. Hotaru found time while working on the cloisonné vase to ask Kuryakin-sensei a few questions about the things she read in the books he'd translated for her, mainly about the technical terms of Literary Criticism. It was the first time she'd done that and he seemed pleased but also ambivalent that she was pursuing the ideas presented therein. Then it was time for a break and then another lecture. At 4:30, with The Kittens due to arrive any moment, they stepped outside. After a few moments silence, something unexpected and quite sweet happened. Kuryakin knelt down to look at her eye to eye.

"Hotaru-kun?" he said, "I want apologize to you for how I looked this morning. Surely you noticed?"

"Oh no, I …" she said, but his expression cut her off. "Yes, Kuryakin-sensei, I did."

"I'm also sorry that we didn't have a proper lunch today. You noticed that too, didn't you?"

"I didn't bother me in the least. I swear it," she said earnestly.

"Well, it bothered me. Maybe it's only a little thing, but to get the best from you, you must get the best from me. I enjoy teaching you, and I should have been better prepared for your arrival today."

"Kuryakin-sensei," she said looking down and almost blushing. "I know, from what Setsuna-momma said, you must have been out late last night. I know that people … sometimes just … run out of steam, and that, maybe, they have things that … are bothering them. I wasn't upset by anything that happened today. I mean it."

"That's because you are good, Hotaru-kun," he said with a very kindly expression that cut straight to her heart. This was so odd, but so wonderful too, like a giant asking for forgiveness from a mouse. It wasn't about being charming or mere politeness, either. He was serious. Over the simple matter of a bad night's sleep, waking up late and leftovers for lunch, this big man was, essentially, down on his knees, apologizing to a young girl who was very much his _kohai_ (junior) by every conceivable measure of Japanese social structure.

Almost from day one, she had felt unusually comfortable around him. She often sensed, vaguely at first, but then more and more, that like her, in some way he was an … outcast? In this moment, she saw clearly the commonalities that underlay the obvious, but superficial differences between them and realized the comfort she felt around him lay in this shared experience and in how obviously he valued her: so much – more than she, at times, valued herself - that even the slightest failure to give his very best was an occasion for heartfelt remorse.

"I _was_ up late," he continued, "and I woke up this morning later than usual. It won't happen again, even if it means turning down opportunities like last night's lecture."

Hotaru looked as if she wanted to say more. In that moment, she so desperate to ask him what exactly had happened last night to cause his distress and thought, for a moment, she could have and he would have told her. But it would have been inappropriate on a number of levels and now, as Haruka's car pulled into the parking lot, there wasn't time to find out. As she got into the car, he and Michiru-momma stepped out of earshot to talk for a few minutes. Haruka-poppa asked her how the day went, and she smiled and told her about the experiment they did in the physics lab. Michiru-momma finally got back into the car. Hotaru waved to Kuryakin's retreating figure as Haruka began driving away. He waved back and then turned and headed back into his studio.

And all at once, as the lone figure faded out of sight, she knew. She knew his secret. She knew his hidden power, of how he could compel people, without their even knowing it, to rise above their circumstances and become better than they ever thought they could be. He loved. It was always ordinate, utterly appropriate to the individual, but he loved every one of his students. Ultimately, they realized it, and they succeeded in the end because they could never bear to let him down.

And she couldn't either.

And she wouldn't.

Because she loved him, too.

* * *

After the turmoil of the last few weeks, Setsuna's life seemed to be settling back into the quiet, stable routine she preferred. Not one to waste time, she had met with Miyuki Thursday evening to take a look at the dress she was going alter for the wedding. It wasn't going to take much effort. Miyuki was, apparently, the splitting image of her mother at that age, and the dress would require just a tuck here, a bit of letting out there and the replacement of some lace fringes that were fraying. It was a beautiful dress and Setsuna studied it with an eye toward gleaning ideas for her own creations.

That Friday she had classes, and there were no further incidents to report. Setsuna met that afternoon with another physics professor, Dr. Genda, a married man, in his early fifties, to see if he would consent to be her new mentor. Dr. Genda was curious as to why, and though Setsuna asked that she be allowed to keep that private, he said he would consider it, and let her know before the Christmas break. It was early afternoon and she was about to head home, when she noticed there was a message on her cell phone. It was from Rei Hino. She called her, and Rei said she wanted to talk about the photo Setsuna had given her. They met in a nearby park an hour later.

"You have news, Hino-san?" said Setsuna, sounding expectant.

Rei was as ambivalent to speak as Setsuna was anxious to hear what she had to say. After a bit more hesitancy, she said, "I want you to understand: I don't think there's anything … bad about … well, no, I'm not saying this right. I don't think he's bad, but …"

"Yes?" asked Setsuna.

"I hope you'll understand how dimly I have seen what I am about to tell you. It may be nothing at all. The first few times I took a look at the picture, there didn't seem to be anything, but I wanted to be thorough. So I've been checking it, periodically. A week ago, I began sensing something. I spent extra time taking a look last night, and … I thought I saw _something_."

Setsuna was silent, her eyes fiercely expectant. She had long appreciated the foretelling abilities of Sailor Mars, and in fact, thought that, at times, due to her _miko_ status, her deeply passionate heart and strong-willed, clear-headed personality, she could see further and sooner than Michiru- Michiru's proficient abilities and her excellent mirror notwithstanding.

"It seemed like a kind of shadow that moved with him," Rei said. "It wasn't _of_ him, but it watched him …"

"I see. Have you any idea what it might be, or what this might mean?"

"I think something, maybe bad, maybe not, is coming, and it has to do with him," Rei replied.

"You are convinced that he, himself, is not … bad?"

"Yes."

"Completely?"

"No," she replied, after a pause. "I can't say I'm completely sure, either way. I'm sorry this all so vague. Perhaps you should consult with Michiru-san."

"I shall. But thank you, very much, Hino-san," Setsuna said with a motherly smile. "I appreciate that you have been so persistent and so thorough. Please let me know immediately should you see anything further."

"I will."

* * *

Setsuna headed home at once, and arrived an hour later, just a few minutes ahead of Hotaru, who had spent her Friday off from lessons with Haruka and Michiru.

"Hotaru, come here," she said, the minute Hotaru came through the door. "I need to speak with you about something."

"Yes, Setsuna-momma?"

She asked Hotaru what, if anything, she knew about her tutor's activities when he wasn't teaching her. Hotaru, who was well-settled in the belief that anytime Setsuna-momma was actively interested in her teacher, it was a positive - no matter what the actual content of her thoughts, volunteered a few of the things she had gleaned from their casual conversations. Setsuna had made up her mind about what to do now, and when she talked to Michiru and found out that she knew he had been in "the military" and had possibly "seen action," she was certain it was time to put on her private investigator's hat, and do some old fashioned sleuthing and other private detective work not dissimilar to what she and the other Outer Senshi had done during the Infinity Academy Crisis. After Hotaru went to bed, she explained what she had in mind to Haruka and Michiru. "Knock yourself out," was Haruka's attitude.

"You should lay off a little, Haruka," said Michiru after Setsuna left. "There is something strange about him, though I believe him to be completely trustworthy."

"Why's that, Michiru dear?"

"Let's just say he had an impeccable reference."

"Okay," Haruka said. She was increasingly curious about what Michiru had seen in her mirror, but she could wait for Michiru to tell her more of this in her own good time. "Things are coming to a head, looks like. I wonder if that guy feels anything for her."

"I don't know," said Michiru, genuinely curious. "He certainly accommodates her, whenever he calls about Hotaru and she keeps plying him with questions. It's getting harder and harder to avoid the conclusion that she just wants to keep him talking, for the sheer pleasure of it, I guess. She would say that she was just trying to figure him out, of course. That's probably what she'll say about tailing him tomorrow."

"I'll bet we know someone who knows," said Haruka with a knowing smirk.

"Yes," said Michiru, striking a thoughtful pose. "Hotaru probably does. She is very observant. It wouldn't be surprising if he was interested. Setsuna is very appealing."

"Oh yeah," said Haruka, a little too pleasantly.

"Let's not start that again, Haruka. In any case, she is really obsessed with him. Do you think it's love?"

"Maybe. But the way she thinks, who she is, it may not matter. At all. Hard to tell with her. What does _'Setsuna Meioh in love'_ look like?"

"There was that one night, remember?

"Um hmm, and _he_ was right there in the room with her too."

"Yes, but Chiba-san isn't exactly who he is going to become. And Tsukino-san was there too."

"Right," Haruka mused, as they both rose to head upstairs. "So I doubt Setsuna was dropping a hint. Not with _Odango_ right there with us."

"Maybe she was thinking about the idea of … someone else."

"How'd she say it?" said Haruka, looking as though she really was trying to remember.

"I can't recall exactly."

"Me neither. 'Cause you were coming on to me."

"Haruka?" said Michiru, wistfully. She had wondered if Haruka remembered such things.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think it was inevitable that we would find each other?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Lately, I like thinking I've been very lucky."

"Such _things_ you say lately," Michiru whispered in her ear.

* * *

Setsuna got up before daybreak the next morning, borrowed Haruka's blue Ferrari, her Aqua-line pass, and a pair of compact, but very high-powered, wide field binoculars. According to Hotaru, her quarry was usually up by 5:00 am, and took a morning run of some length. His weekend meanderings were unknown to Hotaru and so Setsuna would have to move fast and early to pick him up. Setsuna crossed the Aqua-line into the City of Kawasaki and headed north at 4:45 am. She began attuning her mind to pursuit and to extending a concealment aura, a power all the Senshi possessed in varying degrees of usefulness. Hers was one of the most subtle, yet strongest, and it needed to be. In any crowd, by her dusky good looks and classy dress, not to mention a train of emerald-tinted hair that without a bun extended below her knees, she stood out like a peacock in a barnyard. However, when attempting something clandestine, the concealment aura that their Senshi powers projected could fog the vision and memory of the clearest heads, leaving just a suggestion of an alluring feminine presence passing by: a shadow of sweetness that one could only slightly recall by _not_ trying to think of it: a remembrance of "a something" forgotten, and the sense that one's heart ought to be aching to remember it.

It was a cold morning, in spite of which, Setsuna wore a plum mid-thigh skirt, with a matching woolen blouse, and a khaki half coat that didn't quite reach the hem of her skirt. Her gray boots had thick fur cuffs that did not quite reach mid-calf, but were comfortable for walking or, if necessary running. She reached a street near Kuryakin's studio at 4:58 (and 14 seconds), parked the car, and got out. She circled a wide perimeter making sure she hadn't been too late to catch him. Then she saw the single light come on in the second story room. About three minutes later, he emerged from around back with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other. He was not the pleasantly smiling man she was used to seeing in the daylight. He looked very haggard and even dispirited. After he finished his bagel, he sat his coffee down, and buried his face in his hands for a bit. Then he looked up, and determination swept his face.

He downed the rest of his drink, rose and began to stretch out. After several minutes of this, he trotted back inside and emerged again, with a hydration pouch around his waste, and a drinking tube that ran up over his shoulder and dangled within easy reach. Hotaru had said it must be a run of some length because he was into endurance training. She had not mentioned, because she did not know, that he took it at considerable speed. Even without her Senshi powers, Setsuna was athletic herself and very well-breathed. With her powers, she thought she'd have no trouble keeping up with him. When he shot off like a lighting bolt through the nearby park, she found herself quickly scurrying back to the car, and was afraid she was going to lose him. Fortunately, he was headed in the direction of Tokyo Bay, and if it came to that, she was pretty sure she could pick him up there.

She nearly missed him anyway. She had to scan the shoreline with her binoculars for several minutes before she spotted his head and torso bobbing up and down just past a fishing pier. He was doing a few push ups. More than a few. She counted eighty and she had picked him up in the middle of them. Then he bounded up and as he did, he looked over his shoulder for just a second as if searching for something. She was mildly startled when he seemed to look right at her, though it was impossible he could have seen her at this distance. She was in the shadows, and her mind was projecting the concealment aura as well. A fluke, surely. He continued his routine, which also involved a great deal of obstacle course work. He would fling himself over walls, and though he slipped a couple of times on the other side of them, he rolled beautifully to take the fall, and righted himself almost with out breaking stride. He would also hurdle over trash cans and other obstacles, and take stairs several at a time. It was then she noticed he ran barefooted. Whenever he stopped for a drink from his hydration pouch, his face would sink into an expression so desolated she found herself touched. It was always swallowed up by a renewed determination a few minutes later.

Civil twilight began around 6:02 that morning, and he made it back to the studio about ten minutes before the sun came up at 6:30. Setsuna yawned and felt silly at that point, because, of course, he would come back there, and if she'd lost him, it wouldn't have mattered much. The only thing she learned by coming here this early was that he could run like a cheetah –unusual for such a big man- and was fond of push ups.

Two hours later, he emerged, casually dressed and headed toward the Azabu Juuban district. Setsuna followed with the car, finally found a good place to park and continued on foot. Apparently, he would spend this Saturday morning making calls on people he knew. That was old-fashioned, and she rather liked it. In between the times he stopped to chat with people, he looked very dour. She surmised that something was weighing heavily upon him. She poked her head around the corner. He was talking with a dumpy old woman, and when she got close enough to hear, the conversation seemed to be about her health, how her family was doing, and other very prosaic matters. Then the woman handed him something. He took his leave, walked several blocks and then entered a grocery store.

'_Well, this is incredibly ordinary,'_ she mused.

He emerged from the store carrying two bags, and suddenly paused and glanced around, again as if looking for something. Then he headed back to the same house, and handed the groceries to the woman.

'_Wonderful. I am tailing Mother Theresa. I ought to return home.'_

Setsuna Meioh was not a snob, or at least she was as little of one as a person who believes in aristocracy can be, but she did believe that 'everything finds it own level.' What in the world was a man with world class talents doing spending his Saturday like this? It was touching, and charming, and even wonderful, but it didn't make sense to her. Now he was talking to three men, sitting around a chessboard, drinking … something. He was abstaining. What on earth could they be talking about, to interest such a person? He did it naturally, though. There was no affectation in it, almost like Moliere's Bourgeois Gentleman, the silly social climber who discovered in the end he had spoken in perfect prose all his life and never realized it. In the last three hours of careful, stealthy following, it seemed that of his time, talents, and whatever money he possessed, Kuryakin poured it all out with the fearless, unconcerned prodigality that only someone with a great wealth of something could manage.

'_I should just go home now. I am not going to find out anything this way,'_ Setsuna said to herself.

Then she remembered that she was here on the basis of what Hino-san had seen. If nothing else, duty required that she continue. He took his leave of the three gentlemen, and was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for the lights, when, for the third time this morning, he glanced around as though something was wrong. This time though, he looked like a hound catching a scent. She was watching him from two blocks away, around a corner, in an alleyway, between two buildings. When she poked her head around it, she zoomed in on his face with her binoculars. His eyes were doing some thing strange. He would blink, and look at something, then blink again, and look just a little farther along. Then it hit her. The alley dead ended here, as a building took up the whole of the block across the way. He was, one at a time, looking at each window of the building across from her.

'_Is he aware of me?'_

That was impossible. Her concealment aura was in full force, and besides she wasn't watching him from any of those windows. Still, perhaps she ought to head home.

In fact, if Setsuna could have seen into the mind of Peter Kuryakin at that point, she would have seen him taking quick glances at the reflections in each window of the building across from her, zeroing in on the three in which she was reflected, though imperfectly. Then, isolating the tan and plum purple parts of those reflections, he distorted, stretched and reworked them, assembling in the end a clear image of her.

She took one last look around the corner, and … he was gone. Where? She poked her head out of her hiding place a little further. Where was he? She moved, walking briskly but carefully, to the last place she'd seen him. When she passed by an entryway, she gasped at the sudden feeling of someone behind her. In the time it took her to think _'Impossible!'_ a heavy hand fell onto her shoulder.

"_Konnichi wa_, Miss Meioh." He didn't look angry at all. In fact, he looked only too happy to see her. "I hope you won't consider this prying, but what on earth are you doing, _here_, on a Saturday morning?"

"I … am out shopping for fabrics," she said, quite calmly and seriously, despite the fact he was … actually _touching_ her. "As you know, I make most of my own clothes."

"Miss Meioh, the only 'fabric store' around here is the textile warehouse eight blocks down."

"I prefer to buy in bulk."

They both stood there silently and then, he chuckled and she, having been so thoroughly caught, sighed.

"And those field glasses in your left jacket pocket?"

"I am an avid bird watcher."

"O-kay. Miss Meioh, I am going to buy you a cup of tea now."

"I truly do not have the time …"

"_Sure_ you do," he smiled. One hand had a firm grip on her shoulder and with the other he took equally firm hold of her opposite arm. Unless she was willing to fight him …

"Tea would be nice, thank you …"

* * *

In the little game of "this is this and that is that" he'd played with Miss Kaioh, Kuryakin knew, early on, that he was dealing with someone who, strangely enough, trusted him. The same game was about to be played, with a few, very minor alterations. His current interlocutor seemed quite suspicious of him –after all, she'd been tailing him for some reason, and didn't look like he would be allowed to ask nearly as many questions. Other than that …

"Who are you? Really?" asked Setsuna, as she stirred a cup of mint green tea, a few minutes later.

"Peter Kuryakin."

"That is your real name?"

"If I had another name, don't you think I'd be using it, instead my rather silly real one? My full name is Peter Theodore, or in Russian, Pyotr Fyodor, Alexandrovich –that means 'son of Alexander'- Kuryakin. That is my real, full and only name. As far as I know."

"Your father's name is Alexander?"

"His close friends call him Xander," he said, producing a pen, and pushing a napkin toward her, "write this down so you don't have to get caught tailing me again to find out. My mother's name is Nadia. I am the eldest of eight boys, and I have six sisters."

Setsuna's eyes widened considerably, and he began ticking off names.

"My brothers, after me, in order are Alex jr., Vanya, Anton, Fyetka, Natan, Andrei, and Nicolai … get all that?"

"Why are you not Alex jr.?"

"I was named for Peter the Great of whom we are, supposedly, descendants. I'm checking into that whenever the subject piques my interest, which is never."

She smiled, flicking her hair out of her face, and feeling a bit silly.

"And your sisters?"

"Sasha- diminutive of Alexandra, Katerina, Talia –short for Natalia, Anya, Sushan and Sabrina. All quite ordinary names. Miss Meioh, you've gone to an awful lot of trouble to have one very prosaic conversation with me. You could have just called. Your voice is pleasant to me, though I am enjoying your company even more."

"Thank you," she replied quite formally. "Of your family, are any of them famous?

"Famous?"

"People one would hear about."

"Fame is overrated, Miss Meioh. No one back home aspires to it."

"Indeed. Why not?" she asked, mostly out of idle curiosity. Except as a practical matter for an aspiring designer, who would naturally wish to be well-known, she did not aspire to it either.

"It is not … necessary. They would recognize it for the trap that it is. What is fame about, if not one more attempt at evading mortality?"

"Ah yes, your … thesis. We shall return to that in a moment."

"Miss Meioh, I would be deeply sorry to have offended you in any way. Have I?"

"No," she said, lowering her eyes. "The more I think about y- … it, nothing is … right. You do not make sense to me."

"Well, that's ... understandable. I don't make sense to myself, either."

"Evasive. Do you think someone as observant as I has no cause to think you strange?"

His expression softened, and then for a moment became incredibly wistful.

"No, I'm just … kind of surprised that someone … that you care."

"Are you rich?"

"No. I could always go back home, and be … quite well taken care of there, but I would consider that a failure on my part. I choose instead to travel, and make my way wherever I go by hard work and excellence."

"I am not ungrateful," she said sincerely, "but why have you asked so little money for Hotaru's tutoring? You can not have managed trips to the dolphin park, student produced videos, and cloisonné materials on what we have paid you."

"In some cases, I've called in some favors – some of which I accrued years ago. In others, I was willing to foot the bill myself as those are things I might have done for my own recreation anyway. However, you have a point, and I guess I should have made this clearer. I considered it an honor to teach and to help Hotaru, even something for which _I_ should have paid _you_. I care about Hotaru very much, and also I wanted to help … _you_."

She considered that for a moment.

"How old are you?"

"32."

"Impossible. Even if you were a prodigy, no one can have the repertoire of talents you have in just three decades."

"Suppose you are right. What do you surmise from that?"

"That you are a either a singular genius or you are older than you look, though undoubtedly very sharp."

"There are other possibilities. Maybe I had very good, very _persistent_ teachers," he said, "maybe even the best ever, and maybe in my case there was no where to go but up."

"No," she said, beginning to warm to this forced conversation. "That would have taken even longer. One might think a polymath such as you would be better known?"

"Perhaps I prefer to working behind the scenes, in small ways, rather than big ones. People always think that big things are how history happens. In fact, the big things are made up of whole lot of little things done well, or done poorly. Or not at all."

Setsuna's eyes narrowed. "Do you find me snobbish, Mister Kuryakin?"

"Miss Meioh," he said, drawing back with surprise. "I am very sorry if you thought I was implying such a thing. I was not."_ 'Why is she so touchy?'_ It was time for him to take a "better" look at her. "A snob, as someone has said, is someone who craves what separates men, not what unites them. I don't see any such thing in you. What I meant by 'working behind the scenes' is that was that it's almost a never a good idea to be too far ahead of the … let us say, center of gravity?"

"Apology accepted," she said quite formally. "I, too, am making my way as best I can …"

"I kind of got that feeling about you. I'd say your best is pretty good. You are very admirable, if I may say so, Miss Meioh."

"Thank you," she said, with just a tiny hint of a smile, and then reached into her hair, and began twirling an unruly lock with her finger. "… but to continue, I am not rich either, though my part in the house I share with Haruka and Michiru is paid for. However, I firmly believe that everything finds its … level."

"I see. Miss Meioh, what did you think of my lecture?"

"Well," she said, waxing pedantic. Kuryakin listened to what she had to say, but as she did so, he couldn't help but notice the beauty of her melodious alto voice that somehow managed to be smooth and husky at the same time: a lush, decorous voice that, in spite of the (hopefully) unintentional condescension in it, sounded even better in person than it did on the phone. She listed her objections to his lecture, and her main argument was that history is driven by 'singularities', people of transcendent genius or ability who appear at appointed times.

"You have some special insight into the future, do you?"

"Perhaps," she said, almost playfully.

"In other words, you believe in Destiny, with a capital 'D'."

"I suppose so."

"Depending on what, exactly, you mean by destiny, we might not be that far apart. I do believe everyone has a purpose. We're not far apart on the idea of 'singularities,' either, but you seem to think of them as people with inherent genius of some sort, whereas I think of them as people especially receptive to … revelation. But that's neither here nor there. I also think – in fact, I am quite sure – that the highest does not stand without the lowest, and instead of Destiny, I, with certain qualifications, believe in free will. There are differing ideas of what's important and what constitutes a 'singularity', Miss Meioh. I believe there is nothing more important than what I do for the ordinary people of whom 'Destiny' knows little or nothing. What you call Destiny I call Tragedy. With a capital 'T'."

"Do you teach such things to Hotaru?"

"You can ask her anytime what I have taught her," he replied. "I would be surprised to find out that you haven't asked her before now. I have taught her the set curriculum someone of her abilities ought to know according to the standards set by MEXT. However, Hotaru is a unique person with a very sharp mind and, at times, an insatiable curiosity. To someone of her abilities, there comes a time where it is pointless to make her regurgitate facts, names and dates all day. I teach by induction anyway and sooner or later, she'll ask 'why did Julius Caesar cross the Rubicon? Why did Genghis Khan invade China? Why did Hitler kill the Jews?' It gets a bit dicey when she starts asking things like 'why did Japan invade Manchuria?' As you saw, -and thanks for coming to my little talk, by the way- I have very definite ideas about such events, and since I don't want to frustrate her inquisitiveness –she asks so earnestly, you see? How can I refuse?- I tell her what I think. I'm very careful to state 'since you asked, this is what I think', and make sure to give countervailing points of view, like yours, and of course, let her know these are not things she'll be tested on."

"What have you concluded concerning Hotaru?"

"Since you asked, this is what I think," he said with a smile. "Hotaru is psychic. She is, isn't she, Miss Meioh?"

Setsuna looked petulant. Kuryakin pressed his advantage.

"Miss Meioh, in light of the fact that you were tailing me this morning, I think I'm owed at least a few answers. Hotaru _sees things_, doesn't she?"

"Yes," Setsuna said softly.

"You can vouch for the accuracy of her … seeings?"

Setsuna pursed her lips, annoyed.

"Yes. And do not ask me anything further about that. I will not answer."

"What I have concluded, Miss Meioh, is that Hotaru has seen something that is too much for her to bear. The most logical assumption is that it deals with a person or persons about whom she cares very much. However, I suspect it's one person. Something terrible is going to happen to this person. Perhaps it is this 'soul friend' she's mentioned once or twice, perhaps one of The Kittens, or perhaps it's _you_. She coped with it by dissociative amnesia. In her case, there was an accompanying cataleptic freeze up."

"I see. Surely, Miyuki Mayamura could have told us that. I wonder why she didn't."

"I too have wondered why, exactly, Mi-chan thought I was the one to help you, and I think I am beginning to understand."

"Oh?"

"Do you know about her brother Shiro?"

"Yes."

"How much do you know?"

"I know that she feels you essentially 'saved his life'."

"Really?" he said, looking surprised. "That's … very kind of her to say. A bit melodramatic, maybe, but …"

"She did not mean that metaphorically. She was quite sure of it."

"I see," he said with a wistful smile. "Did she ever tell you what, exactly, had been troubling him?"

"No."

Kuryakin thought for a minute, then said, "At the _risk_ of saying more than I should, and I hope to avoid that, I think I can tell you this much. He had the same problem that Hotaru has, except in his case he is an intensely logical young man. Nonetheless it led to the same thing: anxiety generative foreseeings which caused an existential crisis of sorts. I think Miss Mayamura saw in Hotaru the same thing that was happening with her brother, and because I was successful in helping him, she suggested you call me. Not only that, she called me that very night, and urged me to take the job if you called. She thinks very highly of you, by the way."

"And I think very highly of her. So, Hotaru is having terrible visions. At the risk of violating my own rule about allowing you too much understanding of our personal lives, I will tell you that early on Hotaru's life was … difficult."

"Thank you for volunteering that, Miss Meioh," he said very sincerely. "I am aware of some of the details there. However, I doubt anything in the past is the problem. This is about something in the future. The tough part here is why she wishes to forget what she is seeing. What is the nature of this thing that is going to happen to someone she loves and why is it so troubling to her? Why can't she speak of it? If it was just something like an accident or some such, she would remember that because she would _want_ to remember and warn that person. The problem is more complicated. It is at once, so awful _and so insoluble_ in nature, she wants to forget it. She sees what will happen and she thinks there is nothing she can do to prevent it.

It's the insolubility that's the problem here, just like it was with Shiro Mayamura. He didn't see any way out of the future that he saw so clearly- and by the way, I'd say he was more right than wrong in what he saw. As I did with him, I have been subtly trying to do with Hotaru: trying to strengthen and encourage her, get her to realize that she's not alone, that no problem is _that_ unsolvable, to give her hope and the confidence to find her way through it no matter how hard it may seem."

"How did you come to this conclusion?"

"As you know," replied Kuryakin, "there is this look that comes over her now and then, which I, for want of a better term, call The Cold Look …"

"I see," said Setsuna interrupted tersely. She looked almost visibly angry now. "You've seen that have you?"

"Uh, yes," he said, looking a bit puzzled. "Miss Meioh, you seem to be getting angry."

"I _am. _ Whydid you not tell me of seeing Hotaru in that particular state?"

"Miss Meioh, I did tell you, twice. Once during the phone call on the day of her first lesson - her first occurrence, and once a few weeks ago, of which I informed you, again by phone. Don't you remember?"

"You are correct," she said, suddenly contrite and bewildered. "I am not sure why I had forgotten that."

"Perhaps you're having a little dissociative problem yourself?" he ventured playfully, but there was a serious speculation behind it.

'_That was unnecessary'_ her expression said.

"All that's really needed now," he continued, "is for you, or the Kittens, or both, to talk to her, and find out what it is she is seeing. She's so very proper, and in a way, it may be something she … needs permission to remember, as it were. Assuming it truly does concern someone she loves, deep down she wants it to come out, and to warn the person in danger."

"Assuming all this is correct," Setsuna said, "what is your best guess as to who is in danger?"

Kuryakin thought very hard about that. He had better reasons than he could admit for what he was about to say, and he did not want to answer.

"You."

Setsuna looked angry again, but only for a moment.

"Why me?"

Kuryakin was thinking fast. He could not reveal the main reason he felt Setsuna was the one 'in danger.'

"Hotaru is terribly obedient. She adores you to no end. You are her model. Her relationship with you is one of admiration and love. At this point, it appears to be very simple and innocent. She is looking for a model, which you provide and, if I may be so bold, I feel she chose well. However, there is always a danger in this sort of thing: the mimetic danger. You could become both the example of the thing she wants to be, and the very obstacle that prevents her from becoming that. In other words, her rival, Miss Meioh. Fortunately, she loves you very much. She is very proper. And she is so young and you so … erm, mature that any rivalry aspect is probably nonexistent. For now," he added a little ominously.

"For now?"

"Well, as she approaches nearer to you in maturity, the difference could shrink enough to permit some kind of rivalry, but I don't think we need to worry about that at present. The point being, all this leads me to believe that she has seen something that will bring her into conflict with you. That would, I think, be sufficiently traumatic to cause the behavior we've seen. She doesn't remember because, at this time, she cannot see a way to resolve the potential conflict."

Setsuna scowled and thought deeply on this. Then she softened, though only a little.

"What else have you discerned about Hotaru in your time together?"

"It is clear to me that she has aged faster than usual, at least mentally. Whatever the reasons, she is far more intellectually mature than she is emotionally and socially mature. The dissonance in her personality is the main source of her lack of confidence. This will persist until she matures as a person. Fortunately, you and Miss Kaioh and Tenoh-san have loved her and cared for her and this has, until now, kept any real problems at bay.

Two more things: I think that she is something … unique – one of your singularities, perhaps? Furthermore, at times, she is terrified by what she is and she will continue to be so, until she gains the life experiences that will, if all goes well, teach her how to handle it. If I were to proffer a bit advice, I would say that while you keep her 'steady,' she needs to get out more. She needs more friends, her own age, and more contact with people in general."

"Well," said, Setsuna, who seemed to be oscillating between several different negative emotions at the moment, "it seems as if you have completed that part of your obligation to us. I am truly impressed. "

"Thank you, Miss Meioh," said Kuryakin, who wasn't quite thinking of it that way. She sounded … dismissive, like she did that night at the hospital, and he had to admit the thought was a little painful to him. "So," he continued, "as I said, what you must do is talk to her about what she is seeing, and help her to bring it out."

"We shall."

"Good. And I'll get her through her finals with flying colors. So then," he said, looking as if he were about to leave.

"Mister Kuryakin, I am not finished with you yet."

"Oh. It sounded like you were," he said as he sat back down.

"There is something very odd about you and I am not leaving here without some satisfaction on the matter."

He regarded her for a solid minute. She stared firmly at him with her arms crossed.

"You really want to know the whole truth about _me_?" he finally asked. "_Everything_?"

She nodded, her expression firm and expectant. He looked very thoughtful, and then said, very smoothly, "Very well, Miss Meioh. I'll make you an offer. Let me finish with Hotaru. And then, once I have fulfilled all of my obligation to you, I will tell you anything you wish to know about me."

"Anything?"

"Anything. The good, the bad, the mundane, the fantastic, anything."

"You will be completely honest?"

"As honest as you can handle, Miss Meioh."

"I have your word?"

"I have said it; therefore, you have my word."

She looked appraisingly askance at him, then smiled a little and nodded her head.

"Very well."

He smiled at her, and sincerely hoped she would take him up on that offer. There were many, many things he wanted to tell her, and perhaps she had just given him an opening of sorts at some future date. Again, he rose to leave.

"Mister Kuryakin?"

"Yes, Miss Meioh?"

"Those … sideburns?" she said, with the slightly pained voice and expression of a person purposively offering someone a breath mint.

"Yes?"

"Do you ever shave those off?"

"No, I don't," he said, eyeing her strangely.

"Perhaps you should."

His 'Oh really?' expression was full of amusement. He stroked his chin thoughtfully, then chuckled and said, "I'll make you another deal, Miss Meioh. I suppose they do look a bit odd and possibly anachronistic. And definitely out of fashion. I grew them when I was … younger, and trying to … impress. Later, I found a reason to keep them. Should you ever have occasion to find out what that reason was …" and then he got very close to her and with a playfully wicked look in his eye, "and I _truly_ hope you do- if you still want me to shave them off, I will. _Ja, Carabella._"

He walked away with a very satisfied expression, and she was left with the very strong impression that she should have slapped him.


	16. Chapter 05 Part 5

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 5- Modi Vivendi**

**(Part 5)**

* * *

"He _caught_ you? How did that happen?" Haruka asked, astonished.

"That is what I wish to determine," said Setsuna, with an angry, even crazed, glower. She came home in what, for her, amounted to a tizzy. She was calm enough during the discussion with Mister Kuryakin and even found herself enjoying it at times, the same way she did when they talked on the phone. It had ended strangely, but that wasn't what set off the aftermath. Kuryakin had paid for the tea, and left, glancing back at her through the window with a pleasantly puzzled smile. Strangely and for the briefest moment, she felt a strong desire to go with him. Just to take a walk. With him. Something in her quickly banished that idea, and by the time she'd made her way back to Haruka's car, she was convinced that this morning had been an even bigger disaster than it was, and that it was _all his fault_. After a few minutes of driving faster than she ought through Tokyo, she had almost convinced herself he was the one who had been tailing her this morning. The thought did cross her mind that she was acting as if the man could do no right: _He was charming? He must be up to something. He was erudite? He must be showing off. He was concerned about Hotaru? Pft. He said she was the cause of Hotaru's problem. Is he somehow trying to … steal her? That comment about his sideburns? God only knows what that was about._ He was the one in the wrong, and like an arrested criminal, anything he did or said was used in evidence against him. Then she snapped out of it and got down to the real issue. How had he seen past her concealment aura? How had he seen her, period? He was never once looking directly at her. And why had she forgotten to ask him how he'd seen her? She could never quite make a conversation with him go the way she wanted. It was maddening.

"You must have made a mista ..." the word died an appropriate death on Haruka's tongue. Setsuna Meioh didn't make mistakes, especially when it pertained to the concerns of the Sailor Senshi.

"So now," said Michiru airily, "because he caught you, you're even more suspicious."

"Yes."

"There is a term for this, Setsuna."

"Yes, positive feedback loop."

"No," Haruka chuckled, "compulsive / obsessive paranoia. It's either that _or_ …"

"Or what?"

Haruka looked at Michiru. _'She really doesn't know.' _

"Setsuna," Michiru ventured, "our concealment powers mean that … well …"

"Yes?" said the tall, dark skinned woman, still with a wild look in her eye.

"… well, that he couldn't have seen you," Haruka jumped in, with a bit of a smirk, "unless _you_ wanted to be seen." This wasn't entirely true, but close enough to poke a little fun.

"What are you suggesting?"

"Oh … nothing," Haruka said, with a knowing glance at Michiru as if they were sharing some inside humor. Setsuna looked nonplussed, turned and walked away, sure that her friends had to be joking about something.

"Yare, yare," Haruka quietly muttered to a smirking Michiru as she shook her head.

* * *

In the first weeks of December, the weather began to turn cold, and the lack of time and her other worries prevented Setsuna from any further investigation of Hotaru's tutor. The crack up with her mentoring professor had some real consequences after all. She had decided to see how it would play out, and see if he could regain her admiration as a teacher, but on her last test, he had graded some of her essay rather harshly. Knowing full well her answers were sound, she nonetheless sought a second opinion from Dr. Genda, and found out he had talked to her present mentor about Setsuna out of a sense academic protocol. Nothing explicit had been said, but Dr. Genda was no fool, and neither was he blind; Setsuna was a very pretty woman and he'd been around the academic professor-student relations block enough times to guess what might have happened. He was a curious man, and did wonder if it had been a case of an extant relationship gone bad, or one that never got off the ground due to unwillingness on someone's part. In any case, he quickly apologized to Setsuna, saying he had not understood, at first, just how touchy the situation was. He did agree at once to be her mentor, so some good had resulted. He also agreed that she had a case. Her essay was fine, and so the falling out was going to be an issue. She would have to weigh the effects this might have on her academic career and whether she ought to bring up the unethical conduct of her now former mentor with the Ethics Board. That would be very difficult, since his reputation as a theoretical physicist made him one of the brightest stars in K.O. University's sterling academic constellation. She decided against it, for now, but she did not like how chaotic her well-ordered civilian life had become. She longed for the predictable stability it once had and prayed for its return.

At the beginning of the second week of December, the three adults finally informed Hotaru of what she had halfway surmised. Next April, she would be going to Funabashi Academy with Haruka and Michiru on a full scholarship, if she passed her finals. She seemed indifferent and then quietly asked if it might be possible to continue studying with Mister Kuryakin until April, and mentioned that he offered, in passing, to do it for free. Setsuna didn't like this at all, but Haruka seemed merely indifferent, and Michiru looked as though that was worth considering, if it was a serious offer.

'_If I pass my finals, hmmm?'_ Hotaru mused as she went upstairs to wash for dinner.

The Friday before those finals, Hotaru's teacher took her to the art room first thing, where they spent the next two hours firing the cloisonné vase. The rest of the day was spent reviewing. That weekend, he polished and electroplated the vase for her, and when she came in Monday, she held the finished product in her hands. She spent several minutes gazing with justifiable pride at it. Then they wrapped it up for the journey home. The review that day was interrupted only by lunch and a short walk in the nearby park. The Kittens arrived promptly at 4:30. Hotaru wrapped her arms around the box to carry the vase carefully to the car, while Kuryakin brought the rest of her things. He said a few words to Hotaru about how pleased he was with the review, and how confident he was that she would succeed on Wednesday and Thursday. Michiru took Mister Kuryakin aside, and asked quietly about the offer of some free supplemental tutoring, and he told he would certainly be able to do that, but that first Hotaru needed to get through the next few days, and they could talk about it after that. Haruka seemed to be in a hurry and they left without further ado.

"So Hotaru," asked Michiru, as they headed down Highway 1 to Route 409 and the Tokyo Bay Aqua-Line. "How do feel about the upcoming finals?"

"Fine," she said.

"What's in the box?" asked Haruka.

"Oh, nothing much," she said, in the way that meant there was very much _something_ in the box, but that it was a surprise of some sort.

"I see," said Michiru, with mock gravity. Hotaru looked at her, and then to the box again. Haruka and Michiru talked for a bit about their plans for the upcoming week. There was a recital Michiru needed to attend, and she wanted Haruka to come with her. Haruka suggested they go to dinner somewhere before the recital and make an evening of it. Michiru agreed. They reached the Aqua-Line, and descended into the tunnel. After a few kilometers, Haruka talked about how she would have to do some racing week-end after this, mainly breaking in and testing some new engines for her sponsor, Toyota. She also mentioned she might get to star in a commercial for them – no speaking involved, just looking cool behind the wheel. Michiru looked very impressed nonetheless.

"How exciting. Hotaru, did you hear that?" she said looking over her shoulder at the Littlest Senshi. "Hotaru?"

Hotaru had not heard. She was staring at the box in her lap and looking tearful.

"Hotaru, what's wrong?" asked Michiru. Haruka looked into the rear view mirror in time to see Hotaru wipe her eyes, trying to pretend everything was fine.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just … I … I …"

"Haruka, pull over," Michiru commanded. Haruka pulled off onto the side of the tunnel road. Michiru got into the back seat and Hotaru explained in hushed whispers while they headed home.

* * *

That night, the lone occupant of _Juku-PK_ watched as a smoke ring ascended into the air and dissipated. He was not a smoker – a terrible, poisonous habit - but on rare occasions, he would get out that box of Cuban cigars someone had given him long ago, light one up and take a few puffs, just to honor the gift. It reminded him of the time he had briefly attended a South American university to do research on some private theories of his. He had met and endeared himself to some great people. He had helped a few of them too. The person who gave him the cigars, a British expat now living in Belize, said he had not even begun to repay the debt he owed for a huge –even life endangering, so the man had thought - favor Kuryakin had done for him. That was a fine, happy time. Peter Kuryakin was not a naturally happy person. He once was, when he was young, but that was long ago, and now his was a _learned_ happiness, and painfully so. It was real, though.

And realistic.

That realism was forcing a blunt, unequivocal, tacit confession out of him now:

_I am in love with Setsuna Meioh._

_Madly._

_Deliriously. _

'_So bad it hurts' in love._

The most obvious clue? The utter disruption of his sleep. He couldn't pin down exactly when it started happening, but within two weeks of tutoring Hotaru, the only way he could get one -and only one- decent night's sleep was to see or talk to Setsuna Meioh, if only for a few minutes. The day he caught her tailing him was an unexpected blessing. How pleasant it was to speak and even banter with her, or just to watch her as she sat demurely yet – he thought- not unhappily across from him. He couldn't help note, after the fact, that it was the happiest he'd been in the last few weeks. And the best part was that after they'd parted, he went straight home, and got a solid eighteen hours of good, restful sleep.

He nearly revealed himself the day of the second trip to the Dolphinarium. When Miss Kaioh said, "we'll be ready…" the evening before, his heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He was sure it meant that The Kittens would be joining him and Hotaru on their journey to the Dolphinarium, though he had expected they would drive down themselves in Tomboy Kitten's Ferrari. From that moment on, he was praying that Miss Meioh would come too, and maybe ride with him and Hotaru. Even if she didn't, he thought he might contrive to see her at the end of the day, so he made sure he had everything he needed just in case. When that phone call about Miss Meioh staying late at K.O. came, his well-crafted wall of emotional inscrutability was stressed to the breaking point. If he had shown his honest reaction, Hotaru and The Kittens would have either seen a grown man cry or a kind one use a vocabulary he almost never employed. That she was staying late to have dinner with one of her professors was nice little twist of the knife, forgotten only when Hotaru had surprised him with that prescient, parting comment about how it was too bad that Setsuna had to stay late at school. How many times since had he wanted to ask Hotaru if there was anything going on there? He could not, and it nearly drove him mad, until Hotaru, bless her, let him off the hook a few days later by casually mentioning that Setsuna occasionally often stayed late at school when deep into research or writing papers. It suggested that she wouldn't make too big a deal out of it, and he was too grateful to hear this to wonder much about whether Hotaru knew how he felt.

There were others clues just as obvious. From the moment he met "that unbelievable woman," he found himself doing the goofiest things. Letting her drive them to Tokyo a few months ago gave him the chance to admire her eyes in the rear view mirror while she was preoccupied with the traffic and the road. Her smooth, darker skin so contrasted with the white of her eyes that their shape stood out, commanding immediate attention. They were exquisitely elliptical, but could round out when expressing emotion, except for anger where they became narrowed slits even more beautifully tapered. Never was the saying "beautiful when you're angry" more in force. Her lashes were full - naturally, it appeared- and her upper eyelids tapered exquisitely into a soft but striking and dramatic curve at the outer eye. She shaded her eyelids with a light lavender color, using so little it was almost unnoticeable and utterly natural. The deep garnet color of her irises was like a fine Burgundy the merest draught of which threatened to collapse him like a house of cards. Too, he caught shifting light that glinted emerald when it struck her lustrous, silken hair and wondered how long it was without the bun. His sunglasses had made it impossible to see exactly what he was looking at, but he wondered if Hotaru might have come close to figuring out what he was doing. She had glanced back at him a few times, and he had not caught it right away, so she must have known that even though he appeared to be looking straight ahead, he was looking somewhere else.

Dressing up as Napoleon and acting silly in front of a camera was part of it, the sort of fool thing a teenager might do to get a girl's attention. He had done that for Hotaru too, of course. To make her smile amounted to a moral imperative by this time, but he wished he could have been there at Miss Meioh's birthday party – oh blessed day, when she was born – and seen her laugh at the video, if laugh she had or ever did. He wished he could have seen her expression when she received Hotaru's superb gift. Other than the lessons with Hotaru, the occasional phone call to Miss Meioh to discuss how things were going, and that one day the incredibly intriguing "Kittens" joined them on the field trip, his life did not touch upon theirs in any way, and he knew it full well. He did not really expect otherwise, and it would have been ridiculously presumptuous to think he should have been asked to Miss Meioh's birthday party. Yet, the day of that party was one of the most depressing he'd ever known. Hotaru had mentioned that they would probably start around three-thirty or four that afternoon, and when that hour came around, he could not for the life of him stop trying to imagine the doings at their beautiful house. As that day passed into evening he was shocked to realize how emotionally involved he'd become. He would have paid any sum to be there, but could only be there in spirit. The following Monday, he, very casually, asked Hotaru to tell him about it. She was quite happy to do so, and he, very casually, hung on every word. Even if Miss Meioh's 'thank you' note was terse and coldly formal, it was still like a cool drink after hard work on a hot summer's day, and found its way under his pillow that night, along with that _other_ slip of paper. He was very touched by the piece of cake Hotaru brought him, but when she was done talking about the party, he never felt like such an outsider in all his solitary life.

The saucer that elicited that thank you note came to mind as silliness of a higher order. He worried about the fact that Miss Meioh knew it came from him. He hoped she would not notice the solid platinum wire he used in the cloisonné lattice. It wasn't likely. She should just assume it was plated, not solid. With the filigree pattern he made on the rim of the under side, it amounted to over a half an ounce, making it worth 100,000 yen on that basis alone. He was not remotely rich, but it was as if he was determined to give back all the money he took for teaching Hotaru – something he loved doing so much by this time that taking money for it threatened to ruin the joy. He did it for Hotaru, but now, as he clearly saw, he also did it out of a deepening desire to do something –anything- for 'that unbelievable woman.'

There were other things, and the silliest of all was sitting in the fridge. Miss Meioh had taken a bite out of one of the cakes he'd offered her that first day they met. She seemed to like it, but left off without eating any more as they became engrossed in discussing Hotaru. He saved it, just so he could gaze at the impression her teeth had left, even rising, more than once, in the middle of the night to do so. The impression was clearest in the icing, but the cake was spongy and made good cast as well. Her teeth were straight, almost too symmetrical, and made him think of that beautiful, tiny smile of hers. He was quite sure that if that piece of cake had been the last bit of food on this world, he would have defended it against armies, or starved to death rather than eat it. He kept it wrapped in the napkin she'd wiped her mouth with, and also saved the cup from which she drank because it had an impression of her lips in pink lipstick on it. He had not yet been so silly as to actually kiss the cup, but he had come close a few times. As glorious as her eyes were, that was the very first thing he'd noticed about her that day: the glistening of the light on those pink and perfect lips.

He was in an entirely bad way.

'_This shouldn't be possible, to feel this way anymore,'_ he thought. There were, indeed, no stars in his eyes. He was too mature, had seen too much, done too much, been through too much, and yet the merest thought of this woman destabilized his precision mental and emotional gyros in a way that no one had accomplished since long ago. He was not immune or indifferent to the charms of the few opportunities for that sort of thing he'd had here. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what made this one so special, so able to confound him where no one else, not even the pretty and utterly charming Dr. Mizuno, had come close. It wasn't her beauty, per se. Objectively, he'd met and might have had opportunities with many women just as lovely. Perhaps it was the depth of feeling and strength he sensed in her. It was something of which years of intimacy might not plumb the bottom. And, he was sure, there was a sadness there: a sadness that, determined to bear all things, refused to call to anyone for solace.

And there was that _other thing_ he'd noticed on the first day.

That business about dinner with her professor aside, he was reasonably sure she didn't have anyone. And with a woman like that, well, if she didn't have someone, it must be because she didn't want anyone. The idea that she was secretly pining for someone seemed a very remote possibility. Who could say 'no' to her? One way or the other, he was now driven to find out everything he could, as soon as he could. He was in love with her, and whatever happened now, this was the central fact of his existence. He was not the sort to love halfway, as so many in this place and time seemed to do. For good or ill or both, it would determine a great deal of his life, possibly for years to come. "Courtship is not a romantic comedy," he had once told one of his students who asked him –of all people! – for advice on pursuing a girl. "The stakes are too great. Finding the right mate in life is a high drama that should keep us on the edge of our seats." His words always had a way of coming back to haunt him. This was eating him up, and he couldn't deny it anymore.

As well, even if he was able to win her heart, such a relationship might cause problems back home. His situation had always been unique, though. It probably wouldn't be that big a deal, as long as he was prepared to accept certain consequences. Anyway, that was the least of his worries. For some reason, it was going to be difficult to just talk to her. Their last conversation had been anything but normal. He had barely been able to contain the things he most wanted to say to her. It wasn't easy considering she was flicking her hair off her face every minute or so, which drove him wild, and precipitated that last, subtly salacious remark. He shouldn't have said that. She didn't seem to know what, exactly, he'd meant, but … it was crude of him. Ah well, he thought, should he be so singularly fortunate that she was willing, should the longed for relationship flower and bloom, the chips could fall where they may where all these things were concerned.

Definitely in a bad way to be thinking like that, though.

He was almost done fulfilling his responsibility to Hotaru. Then, he would act.

* * *

Setsuna sat on her bed brushing out her hair, a process that lasted about twenty minutes, was relaxing and gave her time to evaluate the day. On the whole, her prayers for a return to stability were answered. Her life was settling back down. Switching mentors had been a good idea. In the two weeks since agreeing to it, Dr. Genda reintroduced the element of accountability and objectivity back into her college career. He 'had her back' where her former mentor was concerned. At Juuban Elementary, other than the usual duty of making sure kids with prescription medications got their pills on time, there was remarkably little to do. There were two kids with fevers that had to be sent home. The weather had turned colder, and the kids stayed inside more. One little boy who was smacked in the face with a volleyball and needed nothing more than a little TLC from the pretty school nurse while his nose stopped bleeding. A very quiet day, for which Nurse Meioh was very grateful.

When she got home that afternoon, she finished the modifications to Miyuki Mayamura's wedding gown. It was a lovely dress, and she had used it to create patterns that she might use in the future. The idea of a wedding made her think back, wistfully, to that chance meeting with Mamoru Chiba a few weeks ago. She had not seen him there since, and if she remembered correctly, the job he had ended today. She thought about trying to 'accidentally' bump into him on the job, but she could not think of a plausible stratagem, and … it was all no good anyway. It was hard not to think about it, though she would never, ever act on it. But why? Why did it all have to come out this way? Was the real reason she was alone because it was inconceivable that anyone could ever understand the real her, or meet her where she was in all her isolation? Only once in all her lonely days was the meaning of her life clearly reflected in the eyes of another, and it was only in her death that he had seen the _her_ that loved him so. The mild, depressed look on her face deepened. She had the hardest duty of all the Senshi. It was hard because it was so important, and she had done it well. Yet, now, it felt like something long past, something empty, and that emptiness was creeping into this new life at every point. There was just no point in thinking about this, though.

She turned her thoughts to Kuryakin-san and his offer to tell her all, once Hotaru passed her finals. That strange indolence where "puzzling him out" was concerned had returned since their last 'meeting.' She was still mildly curious about him, even to the point of wondering what he would be doing next since he was done with private tutoring. Now that it looked as if he would not be anything for her to worry about much longer, she pondered whether it might be for the best if she never heard the name again, much less saw him. Hotaru would not like that of course, but she would get over it in time. Dr. Mizuno mentioned she wanted Kuryakin to fill in that gap of a father in Ami's life, if only a little. She realized that is exactly how Hotaru may be starting to see him. It was understandable, but not good.

This time where she, and Haruka and Michiru were solely responsible for the life in their care was the happiest thing she'd ever known. Most wonderful of all were the times when Haruka and Michiru weren't there because they were out globetrotting and fulfilling their commitments to their corporate patrons. Michiru would generally try to schedule her recitals tours around Haruka's racing schedule. She had even managed to be there when Haruka crossed the finish line at Dakar. And so, for weeks at a time, Setsuna had to bear the brunt of the raising Hotaru alone. She played it slyly, trying to make the two younger women feel a bit guilty about it, but in fact, she wouldn't have traded those times for anything. She had to take off a year from school for it. That was quite a bother, and even cost her a small scholarship. But she loved it, those evenings with the sun setting over Tokyo Bay, and that baby, - and later, child- in her arms, as she fed her from a bottle, or told her stories that she alone could tell. She even loved getting up in the night to quiet the child, hushing her with soft songs, her heart filling with a joy she had never known when the girl, with soft cooing, nodded off. She loved those times so much, she almost hated it when Haruka and Michiru returned. It was the one real, unmitigated solace in her present life, and she, and Haruka and Michiru, had done it well, she thought.

But they had not been enough. The realities of Hotaru's individuality, the complexities of her being, as a girl and a magical Senshi, had broken out of the box in which they all would have longed to keep her, and now she'd come into contact with someone who drew her out in ways that they had never been able to accomplish, perhaps only in ways that a man, and a father figure could. Now more than ever, she wanted to 'dismiss him.' She 'wanted Hotaru back.' She didn't want to believe Kuryakin-san had intended to come between her and Hotaru. He was simply the means by which that end had been achieved. She, the one person who knew that change was the one constant, wanted everything back the way it was.

'_Yes,'_ she thought. _'He has, unintentionally perhaps, been part of the problem in my life lately. We are best rid of him.'_

In the midst of thinking about Hotaru and her tutor, something strange and out of the blue occurred to her. She remembered his little crack about 'having her own dissociative problem.' She had been somewhat offended by the remark, but now she realized he had hit home better than he knew; Setsuna was struck by how ... chaotic her mind seemed lately. There were moments where she wondered if she hadn't backed out when she pondered _certain _subjects. And it hit her: she could not remember one dream she'd had in the last four months. It was as odd as the thing itself that she had only just noticed this. Dreams were one way all the Senshi anticipated crises. It was all the more troubling, because she had no idea whether she was having them and forgetting, or not having them at all. She tried very hard to see if she was mistaken, if she could recall just one dream. She could not. This was troubling, indeed, and the more she thought on it, the more worried she became.

* * *

When Hotaru had started crying on the way home, she explained to Michiru –with Haruka listening in as best she could- that she had been inexplicably overwhelmed with thoughts of her father, Soichi Tomoe: thoughts from before the time of the accident, before he was driven mad with grief over the horrifying death of his wife and the terrible injuries to his daughter: thoughts of when she was part of a family and had a normal life. Always prescient, Michiru understood this was about her teacher as much as it was about anything else, and asked if she had come to see her Kuryakin as a sort of father.

She did not answer except to say that she had realized today, more than ever, that one of most special times in her life was coming to an end. In so many ways, Hotaru was a very proper girl. Any such thoughts were banished by the realization that her real father, though he did terrible things, was not so much an evil man as a tragic one. She would never dishonor the memory of when her father was a good man by seeking a substitute. Calling Haruka her "poppa" was real enough, but also a bit of satire, even child's play. In the functionalist sense, Haruka did everything she could fill that role, and did it as well as any tomboy could have. Up until now that ameliorated any desire for something that was more of a father _in essence_. For that, Haruka had been perfect. Yet, as she sat silently, not answering Michiru's question, she admitted to herself that is what had happened. She felt quite a bit guilty about it. The words _'forgive me, papa,'_ went round and round in her head_._ Never before in her few years had she longed this much for her life to have been a different story. She loved her new family very much, but there was always a sense that, in one respect, they _had_ to 'adopt' her. She was one of them: the most deadly one of them all. In that regard, it was prudent. Most of the time it made no difference; she loved them as if they'd freely chosen to take her in without any compulsion whatsoever. But this night, in the late fall with the sun already hanging low on the horizon, and the angle of its rays giving light, but less and less heat, it did matter a little.

She told Michiru that no outsider had ever so freely accepted her and understood her the way Kuryakin-sensei had. He knew about the more troubling aspects of her personality, possibly even intuited a bit of her dreadful powers of destruction as a Sailor Senshi, and was utterly unafraid. She was amazed over these last few months to realize just how much, and how carefully, he had thought about her, the unique and very special Hotaru Tomoe. Somehow, that occasionally dour, hyper-intelligent, intimidating man thought her a subject worthy of the most lengthy and careful thought and consideration. Somehow, he had imparted to her a sense of worth such as she had never, ever known. Or perhaps it had completed the nascent sense of worth that had come first from her _anam cara_ and then from her adoptive parents. Whatever the case, behind Kuryakin-sensei's intimidating presence, by his every action, the man had revealed to her a heart of softest velvet. There was a deep seriousness, a deeply moral seriousness, to the man. It was pleasant, steady and sure. He could be very playful, but nothing about him was frivolous. He had, somehow, the moral right to instruct, and did so with authority. By taking her seriously, he had charmed her. She cared for him, and for what happened to him, very much.

Now as she sat in her bed, she squarely faced that the greatest time she'd ever had in her whole troubled existence was coming to an end. She had fallen, stumbled, tripped over a veritable heaven of learning and purpose. She loved the tumbledown look, the feel, even the very smell of the old building in which her tutor lived. She began understand as never before what it meant for Sailor Senshi form to manifest itself, and begin the work of destruction. Yes, it led to rebirth, but what of those caught on the wrong side of it? She understood now what it was like to have something precious to lose. This was complicated by the near certainty that her teacher was in love with Setsuna. Even before she'd seen the letters, there was simply no ignoring it anymore. What would happen now? Was it to die too, that thing unto itself, that came into the room with him, and disappeared when he focused on her - because it was directed at her- and then came back when his focus shifted? Should she do something?

If she did "do something," she owed it to everyone involved to think long and hard about why she had become so interested in how her tutor felt about Setsuna, and why she was hoping Setsuna felt the same. The more she came to love him, the more she wanted him and her together. In her deepest soul, she longed for it with a vehemence she had only just realized. She wanted her Setsuna-momma to have some one, to be rewarded for all long service, and the beauty of character? That was part of it.

Did it have something to do with her episodes of catalepsis?

And there it was. The naked question was before her, and she knew now. She knew the answer instantly, as though she'd always known it. She was completely convinced Setsuna's behavior was a mask for a curiously inadmissible affection she was just sure she felt for him. Setsuna was "in denial," and given her absolute devotion to her duty, to "the group," she would, she was almost sure, push him away as soon as possible. Hotaru had seen the signs of this, mixed in with the nearly unmistakable, though very Setsuna-esque, flirting. She saw him as a threat and "to what" didn't matter. She had to ask herself "does she really need anyone?" It was when she asked this question and considered the strong probability that the answer was "No," that the sense of foreboding that preceded and followed her freeze ups would creep into view at the fringes of her mind, like the forelegs of a spider emerging slightly from its hiding place at the first ticklings of the fly on its web. Somewhere in her mind a voice murmured just below the level of conscious thought: _ No situation is completely hopeless. There is always something you can do. Even if it is nothing more than a whispered prayer. Think about it. Do something about it. _Her mind was made up. She set her alarm to make sure she was awake before anyone else. For good, ill or both, she was going to do something.

And so began the real story.


	17. Chapter 06 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – This Is How We Fight**

**(Part 1)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

"I have a cunning plan …" **– Baldrick, Blackadder**

* * *

Hotaru's alarm clock went off as programmed and now she lay awake rehearsing the plan she had crafted last night. It was, she thought, rather simple, perfect, even elegant. It was a Tuesday. Setsuna-momma would have the easiest time staying home today. She had done so before, a few times, since she had only two classes, neither of which required attendance as part of the grade. The only worry was if she had anything planned for later. Hotaru wasn't too worried about that because Setsuna was nothing if not predictable. Yet, people had a way of becoming unpredictable at the wrong moment. In any case, Setsuna was a nurse who was used to children faking illnesses. She would really have to sell it. Around seven o'clock she could hear the stirrings that meant Haruka and Michiru had awakened. Setsuna was much quieter and one did not hear her doing anything, but she was so regular in her routine, Hotaru knew she would be up and most likely showering just now. It was time to set the stage. She got out of bed and ran around the room quietly but energetically, until she'd managed to work up a sweat. This took about ten minutes. Then she went to bed and got into character. Right on cue, about five minutes later, Setsuna poked her head in.

"Hotaru, it is time to arise."

"Ohhh," she moaned listlessly.

Setsuna came over. "Hotaru, what is wrong?"

"Ohhh, I don't feel good," she said groggily.

"You are warm and perspiring," said Setsuna as she put a hand to her forehead. "Were you febrile during the night?"

"I was starting to feel bad yesterday and I guess … maybe so."

"Well, I shall need to take your temperature," Setsuna said, as she left the room and went downstairs. She got out her special, under-the-tongue digital thermometer from the cabinet and came back up. Michiru was just coming down.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Hotaru seems to have a fever."

"Ah," she said, "Well, I'll start breakfast."

"Yes, thank you."

Setsuna came back in and Hotaru opened her mouth. Nurse Meioh put the probe under her tongue. Fifteen seconds later, the machine beeped and registered a temp of 37.6 C.

"Hmmm," said Setsuna, "you do seem to have a low grade fever. Well, I shall bring you an antipyretic, and you shall breakfast in bed."

'_So far, so good,'_ thought Hotaru as Setsuna headed back downstairs, though she was hoping for a little bit more dramatic temperature reading.

Michiru was cooking up some eggs as Haruka sat down and Setsuna told them Hotaru seemed to be a bit sick.

"I hope we don't need to cancel her lessons today," said Haruka, as she sipped some coffee.

"Her finals are tomorrow," said Michiru. "This is a bad time for her to get sick."

"She should have breakfast in bed and then we shall see if she is better. I would hate to have to postpone those finals," Setsuna frowned, thinking about how Funabashi Academy needed to know as soon as possible if she'd passed and if they were going to accept that scholarship. In the back of her mind, as well, was the thought that she really wanted to be done with this tutoring stuff as well.

"But we want her to shine, not just pass," said Haruka, "and even if she can get through the written stuff, she may fail her physical fitness test if she's not 100 percent."

Michiru got out a tray to take Hotaru's breakfast up to her. As she finished up the cooking, she remembered yesterday's conversation with Hotaru on the way home from lessons and started to get a funny feeling. Hotaru hadn't been sick even once this fall. Maybe she was due, but yesterday she seemed fine physically, if not emotionally. She got out a second tray and said, "I'll sit with her while she eats."

"Good. And give her this," said Setsuna, and handed her a paper medicine cup with a Tylenol gel cap in it.

"What do you think of those?" asked Michiru. The American brand had only recently become available in Japan.

"It is what I use at Juuban Elementary. I find them effective and, so far, they seem to be safe for children."

"Hmmm. I'll take her breakfast up, then."

Hotaru kept a watchful eye from the top of the stairs. Michiru-momma was coming. She got back into bed quickly. Michiru came in quietly a few moments later.

"Hotaru, your breakfast is here."

"Thank you, Michiru-momma," she said meekly.

"Think nothing of it, princess," she said, as she felt Hotaru's head. "Your fever seems to be down at least. All the same, I guess we'll have to cancel lessons today."

"I guess so," she said as she sat up to eat breakfast, and Michiru got a chair from the corner and sat down in it next to the bed.

"Remember to drink all your fluids now."

"Ha-yee," she said and took a mousy little sip of her orange juice. "Y'know," she said a minute later, "maybe Mister Kuryakin could come here so I could review for tomorrow?"

'_Aha!'_ thought Michiru. _'Now what could she be up to?'_ She waited until Hotaru had taken a long pull of her orange juice and then reached for the thermometer and said, "Let's take your temperature again, shall we?"

"Oh, but Michiru-momma, you shouldn't take someone's temperature after they've had something cold to drink. It'll skew the results."

"Ah! That's right, and come to think of it," said Michiru, as she held up the plastic cup of still warm water that was hidden at the back of the bottom shelf on Hotaru's night stand, "you shouldn't take someone's temperature right after they've had something hot to drink either. Hotaru? No tricks work on my mirror. Don't make me get it out."

Hotaru's façade collapsed at once.

"Michiru–momma, please," she said, her eyes big and pleading. "I just want to give him a chance to tell her how he feels. I know he will come."

"Oho," she smiled, "so that's what you're up to? I was wondering if something like this would happen eventually. I'm surprised that Setsuna fell for such an old trick. I'm going to chalk this up to how much she has on her mind these days, and the fact that you generally never try to deceive us. So, are you trying to play matchmaker here?"

She said nothing, but looked embarrassed.

"Hotaru, there is already one thing you obviously haven't thought of: what if Mister Kuryakin decides to postpone the tests until you're … better?"

Hotaru's expression plummeted, and hit bottom. That is surely what he would do.

"This is _so_ cute," Michiru giggled. "Hotaru, you are a terribly bright young lady, but deviousness is a frame of mind, not a mere matter of brilliance. Let's talk this through. There are probably a few other holes in your plan. You need _expert_ advice."

"You mean you'll help me?"

"First of all, you're going to tell me everything you've seen and everything about why you believe you need to do this. Start talking."

Hotaru sighed. She was now going to have to say verbally, to someone else, what made capital sense in her own thoughts last night. She wondered desperately whether it would fly or not. Then she calmed herself and began, recounting nearly every instance in which she thought Setsuna had revealed herself. The list was long; the accounting, exhaustive. Michiru (and Haruka) had noticed a few of these things too, but Michiru sat in wonder, trying to figure out which was more amazing: the number of things Hotaru noticed about Setsuna's behavior, or that she could remember them all. Heavens, their little _Hime__-chan _was bright.

"And have you noticed," she asked, getting down to the more basic reasons, "that whenever they're together and he's not looking at her, she can't take her eyes off of him?"

"Yes," Michiru replied, "I did notice a bit of that, when she first saw him. It has happened more than that?"

"Every time they're together. From the first day."

"And she doesn't really notice she's doing it?" Michiru asked, looking amused.

"Not at all."

"And she … talks to him, in ways she doesn't even talk to us. At length, and she's interested in what he is saying. And the way she hums little songs after the phone calls. She seems almost … happy."

"Well," said Michiru, very impressed, "from all that, yes, I would say it's a fair guess she feels something for him. And you're sure he's in love with her?"

Hotaru nearly snorted orange juice through her nose at that, and then she told Michiru about 'the book she should not have read.'

"And you're certain it was meeting us, and Setsuna specifically, that made him stop writing in that journal?"

"Well, he had written in it at least twice a week until then, and there was plenty of paper left."

"Interesting. Thérèse, eh? I wonder who she is. Or was."

"Me, too. But the more I think about it, it had to have been a lover or a wife. The way he wrote little things to her at the end of his entries, nothing else fits."

"All right," said Michiru, in summary, "she _may_ like him, he _may_ like her, but why are you …"

"He doesn't just like her," she interrupted, "he loves her …"

"Did he tell you this?"

"No, and there's the problem. He's too proper to do anything that might seem like taking advantage of a situation."

Michiru remembered the importance he placed on trust and agreed that was probably true.

"So you feel he needs a little encouragement. Permission, as it were, to express himself to her."

"More or less," Hotaru replied.

"Why do you feel the need to bring them together yourself? Surely, he's brave enough to show himself in his own time, and strong enough to take whatever happens. If he's not, well, he doesn't deserve her anyway. And why today of all days? If you're right, as soon as you pass your finals, his obligation to us will be completed and he'll be free to try and sweep Setsuna off her feet. He'll know what your grades are by Friday. Why can't this wait until then?"

"Because today she still has to let him in the house. Friday, she won't," Hotaru replied. "I think if he doesn't get a chance now, he won't have one. Setsuna-momma is very good at pushing away anyone who tries to get close to her in that way. And she'll run from this. She'll feel it's her duty to."

Michiru knew that was a real possibility. "Hotaru," she said, "you make it sound as if they _have_ to get together…" For a moment, The Look flashed into Hotaru's eyes, and Michiru caught it though it passed as quickly as it came. "You think this has something to do with your episodes, don't you?"

"It might," said Hotaru. When Hotaru started seeing things, it was important for the other Outer Senshi to listen. Too, there was what Michiru saw in her mirror on that first day.

"You still can't recall if you are seeing anything at those times?"

"No. I am trying to remember. I've got to remember, but …"

"All right," said Michiru. "There are some things you should understand before we proceed – _if_ I decide to go along, that is. Setsuna has that duty because she's strong enough to handle it. She's honored to have it. Humbled, too. And she's done it so well. Also, I'll admit she's still quite a mystery to all of us, but there are things that, apparently, you don't know about her at all."

"Like what?"

"I really don't feel I should say," Michiru said, evasively. "I'm just warning you that this matchmaking of yours could go very badly and you should be prepared for that. You're obviously hoping for this to work, pulling for him, as it were. You're a very bright young lady, but you haven't realized what you're asking of Setsuna, and who knows what you're asking of him. I like the man, and if it weren't for … well, a lot of things, you might be right. He might be wonderful for her, if anyone could be. But why does she have to have anyone?"

"She doesn't, of course," said Hotaru, sounding a bit defeated. "But why can't she? Is there some rule against it? Some taboo no one told me about? If I hadn't noticed all those things, I wouldn't think of doing this. But she smiles a little more now. She makes jokes now and then, and they're funny, and she's so full of love … I _like_ her this way … I like seeing her _happy_."

"You're sweet, dear Hotaru," she said, "but remember, ours are unique circumstances."

"Yes, Michiru-momma," Hotaru shot back, "we're the mighty Outer Planet Senshi. We carry the whole world on our shoulders. We need nothing. And yet sometimes we do."

Michiru chuckled. "This is awfully cute of you, but be careful here. I reiterate; remember _who_ and _what_ we are. The Inner Planet Senshi can have their innocent dreams of romance. It's a different and more _troubled_ story with us."

"Yes, but just think if it works!" Hotaru said excitedly.

Michiru smiled and sighed, "I see. Your hopes for yourself are very much bound up in your hopes for her, aren't they?"

Hotaru smiled. Yes, she had to admit, that was part of it.

"Okay, but fair warning," said Michiru, "You're stepping on to the field of a very rough game. In Setsuna's case, it could be a minefield. People get hurt in this game, deeply and often."

"Please?"

"Are you prepared for the outcome should things go badly?"

"I'm … prepared to see if that's what happens."

"I'm not sure that's good enough, but you're probably right about her pushing him away as soon as possible, and I'm curious to see what happens myself," Michiru said as she collected the empty dishes. "Now, here's what we'll do …"

Michiru told Hotaru the _what_ and _when_ of her plan, and made sure Hotaru understood the timing of it.

"This isn't like that video you did," she warned. "There'll be no retakes on this. Now, if you do _everything_ right, he might even be able to stay for dinner."

"Ooo, how?"

"Well, Haruka and I are going to that recital tonight, but I don't think Setsuna knows that yet. So, I'll keep Haruka quiet. Setsuna will start dinner around four, so we'll call around 4:45 because we 'just suddenly remembered that recital is tonight.' That'll be your cue to suggest that Kuryakin-san stay for dinner, so be ready. And don't take 'no' for an answer. From either of them. They're both very strong personalities. You'll have to be prepared to push them."

"Ha-yeee!"

"And let's keep that fever going just a bit longer."

She went and got Hotaru a cup of hot water – as hot as she could stand to drink. Hotaru took several swallows, and then they took her temp, which came in at a little more robust 37.8 C.

"Now, that's just in case Setsuna checks, because those things have a 'recall last temp' feature on them. Oh, and take this."

Hotaru downed the gel cap with the rest of her orange juice, and handed the empty glass to Michiru.

"Wait, what … should I do after dinner starts?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, she'll probably just make polite conversation then clam up."

"Okay," said Michiru "you need to think of something that will help Setsuna to loosen up, maybe. Casually mention her hobbies to Mister Kuryakin, like that dress she just finished. Maybe bring up something about physics or astronomy, or maybe that lecture of his. Setsuna had very strong objections to that. Try to get them talking that way. Setsuna is a wonderful conversationalist when the subject interests her."

"This is good stuff," said Hotaru. "Anything else?"

"Well, as a last resort you might even risk – _risk_, I say- bringing up something that is … maybe a little embarrassing. Something that might make her seem less than perfect."

"Less than perfect? Why?"

"She might show a little of herself if you make her a little vulnerable. Too much and you'll embarrass her in front of someone - which wouldn't do, but if you choose carefully, it can be very effective."

'_Vulnerable?'_ Hotaru got a very sly grin on her face. _'If I can just find one …' _"You're very knowledgeable about this sort of thing, Michiru-momma."

"Well, Haruka and I play these kinds of games often. I win, of course."

"What about Kuryakin-sensei postponing the finals?" Hotaru whispered quickly.

"Leave him to me," said Michiru with a smile, as she left the room.

* * *

"Moshi, moshi," a groggy Peter Kuryakin said into his cell phone. "Kuryakin desu."

"Mister Kuryakin, Michiru Kaioh," replied Michiru. She was thinking she needed to time this just right, but then got a better idea. She would present the whole affair as a _fait accompli_ to Setsuna.

"Ah, Miss Kaioh, how are you this morning?"

"Very well, thank you. And yourself?"

"Oh, hanging in there, I guess. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"Well, there's a little problem. Hotaru is not feeling well this morning," she said.

"Oh. What seems to be wrong?"

"Well, personally, I think she's a bit tired."

"I see. Well, the schedule I use pushed her pretty hard, but she's almost to the end of this. She'll have three whole months to rest up."

"She also had a low grade fever this morning."

"Hmm. Perhaps the change of seasons is affecting her a bit?" Kuryakin suggested. "I can postpone the finals. Shall I go ahead and do that?"

"Mister Kuryakin," said Michiru slyly, "have you ever heard of a '24 hour bug'?"

"Of course."

"Well, this is a six hour bug. I think Hotaru will be just fine by this afternoon."

"Uh huh. Is that your expert opinion, Dr. Kaioh?"

"Indeed, and furthermore if you could see you way to coming here, oh, say around two, I think she'll be ready to review for her tests. I would imagine she'll be able to get in about three hours or so."

"Miss Kaioh? I'm … not sure I understand what's happening here."

"Mister Kuryakin, do you remember that little discussion we had about trust?"

"Indeed, Miss Kaioh. Every word of it."

"Be here at 2:00."

"Well, …"

"It shouldn't be any bother. Setsuna will be here. All day. To take care of her."

"Uh huh," he said, a noticeable change in his voice. "Well, if she's not able to come here, I will need to swing by there to drop off that special breakfast I want her to eat tomorrow before the tests."

"There you go," said Michiru sweetly.

"You're sure she'll be … fine, tomorrow?"

"Pretty sure."

"Okay," he chuckled, "2:00 it is, then. Good day, Miss Kaioh."

"Good day, Mister Kuryakin." _'And good luck,' _she thought as she closed her phone.

"What is this now?" Kuryakin said to his reflection in the mirror.

* * *

"How is she feeling?" asked Haruka, as Michiru came back into the dining room.

"A bit better," said Michiru, "but I took her temperature again, and she still has a mild fever. Setsuna, would you be able to stay with her today? We both have tests this morning."

Haruka looked alarmed, as though she didn't know anything about having a test today, but Michiru waved her off.

"Yes, there is plenty for me to do around here," Setsuna replied. "I have already informed Juuban Elementary and my assistant will be able to take over my time today."

"Ah," said Haruka. "I can imagine student morale is going to drop through the floor at the news."

"Yes," sighed Michiru wistfully, "It'll be a sad sight. All those little boys at recess, throwing themselves off the monkey bars. _Sayonara_, cruel world."

"You two, no doubt, _think_ you are joking," Setsuna said with a spontaneous and rather sexy shaking out of her long hair. "Shall we cancel the lessons then?"

"Actually, I've already called Mister Kuryakin," replied Michiru, saying no more than she had to.

"And is he going to postpone the finals?"

"He said he'd wait till a little later in the day to see how Hotaru is doing," Michiru replied, as she sat down next to Haruka. "We'll come home for lunch and decide then."

"Very well," said Setsuna. "I shall have some salads ready for you. And what are your plans for this evening?"

"We …" Haruka began only to be overridden by Michiru

"… will be home by five."

'_Oh?'_ Haruka looked quizzically at Michiru and then nearly choked on her coffee as Michiru elbowed her in the ribs.

"Are you all right, Haruka?" asked Setsuna turning around.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Haruka, and after Setsuna got back to washing up the dishes, Michiru mouthed _'later' _to her puzzled lover.

Setsuna got to work on a sort of home remedy for Hotaru as Haruka and Michiru headed out the door. With the cooler weather, Haruka's silver Maserati Quattroport was the car of choice for this time of the year. Michiru explained what was up as they drove to Funabashi Academy. Haruka asked why she went along with it, and Michiru explained she was interested to see what happened, and if Setsuna could "accept someone else."

"And you think that guy has a pretty good chance with her?"

"Haruka, sometime have Hotaru tell you everything she's seen in the last four months. We only saw the tip of the iceberg."

"Hmm. Are we taking bets on this one?"

* * *

Later that morning, Peter Kuryakin was putting this unexpected free time to good use. He was in a shack behind his studio which served as the garage for his 'unique fixer-upper' automotive restoration project. Over at his studio, four movers were loading up the heavier items among his personal things – the furniture in his sitting room, the heavier equipment in his machine shop, and similar items, into moving vans for transportation to a storage facility. As they worked, they heard the high, whiny pitch of an engine coming to life and 'getting tweaked'. It was a sound that completely belied the size and weight of the car it powered. Around 11:30, he emerged in stained overalls, went into the studio, cleaned up and then stood looking at his modest wardrobe, thinking about what to wear. This strange invitation to The Kittens' house made him wonder if something was up, and whether he should wear something extra nice. He pulled out his black tuxedo with the silver herringbone vest, tie, and cummerbund, then chuckled and said "overkill" as he put it back, and got out a charcoal gray sport coat, slacks and a black pullover shirt.

At the home of the Outer Planet Senshi, there was one close call that morning. Hotaru had spotted something she might need tonight, and ran out of the house to get it, showing a great deal more vigor and initiative than a sick kid ought to have. She made it back under her covers just as Setsuna came up the stairs with a warm bowl of special broth. Nothing so far indicated Setsuna had become at all suspicious. At noon, Haruka and Michiru came home to eat a quick lunch, and to see how their precious kitten was faring - in her plans, that is. Hotaru, on cue, said she felt a whole lot better. She credited Setsuna-momma's home remedy so effusively she got a _'don't overdo it'_ look from Michiru-momma. The Kittens finished their lunch, and that was her cue for the next part: Hotaru wondered aloud if maybe Mister Kuryakin could come to the house for a few hours of review. Setsuna perked up and then looked a bit nervous and possibly a tiny bit suspicious.

"I do not think …" she started to say.

"Good idea, I'll call him," interrupted Michiru. He was already coming, so after faking a bit of conversation, she asked Hotaru, "Think you can go for three hours?"

Hotaru nodded vigorously.

"Yes, three hours will be fine. Thank you, so much," she said and then closed her phone. "He'll be here at two. Let's get back to classes, Haruka."

Hotaru smiled as Setsuna's very bewildered eyes followed Haruka and Michiru's hasty departure. Her smile widened when Setsuna began checking her appearance, and then headed purposively up the stairs.

* * *

'_This was a bit of a bother,'_ she thought, twenty minutes later, as she was sitting in front of her vanity deciding what lipstick to wear.

"Setsuna-momma, what are you doing?" asked Hotaru, as she poked her head into the bedroom. "There's no reason to get dressed up or anything."

"Hotaru, if someone is coming over, I must at least be presentable."

"Setsuna-momma," she said, "if you were unconscious on the floor in a burlap sack, you'd still be more presentable than most people at their best." Then she turned to leave, and added "But, use the pink." Setsuna blinked at the retreating figure of Hotaru. _'Pink, huh?'_ Well, it did match the top she'd just put on. Ten minutes later, Setsuna was sitting at the dining room table typing on her laptop and dressed better-than-casual, while Hotaru, still in her pajamas, sat wrapped in a blanket watching TV. At 1:59 (and 24 seconds), Setsuna heard the sound of a vehicle parking out in front of the house. Thirty-six seconds later, there was a heavy but hesitant knocking. Hotaru jumped up to answer the door, and Setsuna was content to let her.

Kuryakin stood outside, looking furtively around. He could feel there was something going on, but couldn't imagine what. He half expected a bunch of people to jump out and yell "Surprise!" His birthday wasn't until the end of the month, so unless somebody had the wrong idea, he could think of no reason for whatever game was afoot.

"Konnichi wa, Hotaru-chan," he said as the door opened.

"Konnichi wa, Kuryakin-sensei," she replied, looking very happy to see him.

"Well, then," he said as he glanced around looking for clues to what was up, "Shall we review in the living room like the last time?"

"Ha-yee!" said Hotaru with an approving nod. There was no wall between the TV room and the dining area in their house, so Setsuna would be able to watch him all afternoon, if she wanted. To Kuryakin, the most obvious thing so far was that Hotaru wasn't the least bit sick, and this put him even more on guard. He entered the house and took of note of Setsuna sitting at dining room table –and the way this room seemed to be quite a bit warmer than the hallway. Dear God, she was a lovely woman, and the way the light of the dining room silhouetted her, and the light from her laptop screen put a soft glow on her face, she looked almost ethereal. This wasn't going to be easy, but he accepted it as a personal challenge to make it look that way.

"Good afternoon, Mister Kuryakin," she said, quite indifferently and without looking up.

"And to you Miss Meioh. I hope this isn't a bother to you?"

"Not at all. And do not mind me. I am working on my term paper."

It was an interesting three hours. Setsuna finally got to see what The Kittens had seen on the trip to the dolphinarium. He actually hadn't intended to push Hotaru very hard today, but as they went through the rapid recall sessions and essay question practices, she was amazed at how much he was cramming into their time together. Hotaru was exceptional and, obviously, that helped, but Setsuna found herself wondering if this worked on a less gifted student. A few minutes later, they took a bathroom break, and before she could think better of it, she got his attention to ask him.

"Very impressive," she said. "How effective is this method with others?"

"Well," he said, pleasantly surprised that she was speaking to him, "one of my teachers used to tell me 'you can't fix stupid,'"- she nearly laughed at that, he was sure of it- "but personally I find people can do more than they think they can, and I figure if one shoots for the stars, they'll at least reach the treetops. No student of mine has ever given me reason to doubt that- though some have tried. There is a difference between a student who can read War and Peace, and one who reads manga all day, but there's a far greater difference between having some semiotic capacity and having none at all. A lot of the time, it's a matter of finding a student's … angle. With Hotaru, for example, it's world history."

"Hmm," she said. Indifference was creeping back into her expression, but she had asked nonetheless. Hotaru had heard the voices, though she could not hear what they were saying, and hope it boded well for the rest of her agenda. In spite of the fact that Setsuna was watching the proceedings in the living room, she did manage to vet and enhance a section of her term paper. She read through it once, satisfied it was perfect - for now, and then she noticed the light was beginning to fade outside. Haruka and Michiru would be home soon, and it was time to start dinner. As she closed her eyes and stretched, the thought came briefly into her head that, since he was here, it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask Mister Kuryakin's opinion on the passage she'd just finished. She got it out of her head in an even briefer time.

At 4:47, as the smells of a traditional Japanese dinner drifted through the room and Kuryakin was packing up his equipment, the phone rang. He was good at spotting when people were nervous, and the moment it rang, Hotaru tensed up. He knew at once this call was … _expected_. Setsuna answered it. After a minute of listening, "I see. We shall see you later then" was all she said.

Hotaru cleared her throat. "Setsuna-momma, who was that?"

"Oh, Michiru just called," she said. "They forgot they have a recital to attend tonight, so they will not be home for dinner."

Hotaru looked at Kuryakin-sensei and the look on his face said _'I get it now.'_

'_He is quick,'_ she thought. Hotaru was quick too, and Kuryakin's eyes got very wide as she ran over to Setsuna, and with the biggest eyes and the sweetest voice, asked, "Setsuna-momma, since you have all this extra food, can Kuryakin-sensei stay for dinner?"

It was interesting watching her tutor's face, with a goofily shocked expression on it, run through every shade of red imaginable.


	18. Chapter 06 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – This Is How We Fight**

**(Part 2)**

* * *

**6a. Guess Whose Coming To Dinner**

* * *

Hotaru sat at the dinner table looking very smug. Periodically she would look at Kuryakin-sensei, sitting at the end with his arms crossed with an expression at once nervous and jaundiced, and smile at him. He sat there puzzling out the extent of this conspiracy. It was possible Hotaru had conceived this little plan out of kindness, just throwing the two of them together and seeing what happened, but by her oh-so-pleasant, "boy, did we yank you around today" smile, it was impossible to conclude otherwise than that she knew _exactly_ how he felt about her Setsuna-momma. Princess Kitten was obviously involved; therefore, by default, Tomboy Kitten was too, and whether she was indifferent or hostile to the idea wouldn't have mattered much. Miss Meioh accepted the idea with surprising ease, and Kuryakin was left wondering if she'd been a part of this plan. He doubted it though, as she seemed … nervous … distracted … what was it? What Setsuna was thinking was anyone's guess. The aplomb with which she agreed to this sudden imposition had surprised Hotaru no less than Kuryakin. Perhaps letting him stay for dinner was merely an obvious solution to the problem that she had more food than she now needed. Finally the moment Kuryakin had been waiting for came; Miss Meioh left the kitchen, and he rose as she left, prompting a puzzled look from her before she headed down the hall. He sat back down, and then a minute or so later, she could be heard starting a load of laundry down the hall. He was going to speak, but then decided it would be a bad idea to be heard talking this over with Hotaru, lest Miss Meioh not be involved and come to believe he had actively conspired to bring this about. Instead, he got out a marker, reached for the napkin next to Hotaru's plate, and began writing.

'_How did you know?' _

Hotaru read it and then rolled her eyes as if to say "oh, _puh_-lease".

"I was _that_ obvious?" he whispered very quietly. Hotaru nodded. It was a bit of a lie. Had she not read his journal, she wouldn't have been nearly so sure. Setsuna, who moved very quietly, was suddenly at the threshold of the dining room, and Hotaru quickly snatched up the incriminating napkin, dabbed her mouth with it and crumpled it up. Setsuna might have caught that, but she was distracted by the way Kuryakin quickly stood up, as he did every time she entered or left the room. It was very 'old school' polite of him, and cute, Hotaru thought. He was, it seemed, a true gentleman - in old sense, not just someone who avoids bad manners, but a true gallant. Hotaru had read about them in books, and though she lived in what was possibly the most courteous nation on earth, there were still times when she had good cause to wonder if such creatures existed anymore. She found it charming. She was pretty sure that Setsuna even smiled, once she realized he was trying to be attentive to her. It had been a long time since Setsuna had seen such manners in anyone –with one notable exception. She was about ready to begin serving, when she remembered that it was time to add fabric softener to the load of laundry. When he rose again, she turned and smiled. "Mister Kuryakin, that is very kind of you," she said, "but not necessary. It is a bit … startling."

"Oh. I happen to think it's _very_ necessary, but there are times when good manners can become bad manners. I'll try to stop."

Hotaru was _very_ sure Setsuna was smiling as she headed down the hall. She looked at him, amused at the well trained puppy look on his face, made all the more fun by his size and intimidating presence. Then he sighed and quickly whispered, "Hotaru-chan, I never said anything. I would never … How did you …," but this whispering tailed into a tense silence as Setsuna could be heard returning. She came back in and he started to rise again, then caught himself. He sighed, dropped his gaze in embarrassment, and raised his hands placatively as if to say "I'm good. I'm sitting down now. I'm good." As she had the day she surreptitiously watched the recording of his performance for the NHK Philharmonic, Setsuna couldn't help but take note that his hands were very nice, like those she had once noticed as she watched with fascination long ago when a carpenter came to repair rain damage to a wall in her room at her orphanage.

'_An odd thing to remember,'_ she thought, as she began serving dinner.

The evening's meal was hayasi rice with mushroom tempura, and a choice of three sauces in dipping bowls. Hotaru, who tended to avoid greasy foods -even something so lightly greasy as tempura- was given a side dish of soba noodles to dip. Dinner began in a tense silence that neither of them seemed willing to break, so, with what she hoped was a careful feel for timing, Hotaru attempted to jump start a conversation.

"Setsuna-momma?"

"Yes, Hotaru?"

"How is your term paper coming?"

"Fairly well, I think," Setsuna replied, careful to keep her eyes on her food. She was never one to volunteer much in a conversation, and she certainly wasn't going to with a stranger at the table. Hotaru looked at Kuryakin, and nodded her head toward Setsuna as if to say "talk to her." He cleared his throat.

"If I may ask, Miss Meioh, what is your paper about?"

"Oh," she said, sounding like she'd nearly forgotten he was there, "nothing special." Kuryakin looked at Hotaru and shrugged a little, as if he didn't expect any real response on her part. Hotaru couldn't tell if Setsuna was indifferent to any questioning or distracted by something, or possibly she'd realized how she been maneuvered and was subtly angry about it. In fact, she was distracted. Kuryakin's presence in their house somehow brought to mind the quandary over her lack of dreaming in the last few months. She noticed that it coincided with the time period during which Kuryakin-san was tutoring Hotaru, but didn't really know what to make of that. Hotaru's eyes pleaded with Kuryakin to try 'pushing things' a little.

"For 'nothing special', Miss Meioh, you seem to be working awfully hard on it," he said, pleasantly.

She looked up, smiled patiently and said, "My apologies, Mister Kuryakin, I am not very chatty tonight." Then she went back to eating. Hotaru made abortive attempts to bring up her dressmaking, and a few other things. A deepening silence descended after each try. Hotaru twiddled her chopsticks, her expression soured. This was going no where fast. Kuryakin smiled, amused at and sympathetic to Hotaru's frustration. Miss Meioh was obviously very distracted and he was too decorous to press any advantage. Finally, Hotaru reached a point where she was two seconds from standing up and screaming at the top of her lungs, "Oh for God's sake, will you two start talking to each other?" Instead, looking askance at Setsuna, she opted for 'the plan of last resort.' It was actually Michiru's idea, or at least that's what Hotaru was going to say if it backfired in any way. She felt bad at just how devious an act of manipulation it was, but the whole day had been a manipulation and so she may as well go all the way. If this didn't work, she was going to drop the pretenses and berate them both for being so annoyingly proper. This attempt to make Setsuna _'a bit vulnerable'_ –as Michiru had put it- was also nearly unpredictable, although she hoped their affinity for light would keep it near the table so she could point it out. It might fly off without Setsuna even seeing it, and not be found for days, and probably at a most inauspicious moment. A vision of her and The Kittens coming home and seeing Setsuna perched on a chair while dinner was burning on the stove – this had happened once- filled her mind. But Hotaru was a tiny bit angry now. She quietly took a deep breath and released it.

She heard it fly off, but then for several minutes, it was no where to be seen. Hotaru thought plan had collapsed. Kuryakin began a half-hearted, impromptu review session. She responded to a few questions, as she worked up her courage to berate both of them for messing up her carefully wrought, well-executed plan. Then she caught a glimpse of _it_, high on the wall behind Setsuna. Perfect. In about ten seconds, she would call Setsuna's attention to it, and that would do nicely. The roach had a better idea. It swooped down toward the over hanging light, but was unable to get a hold of its smooth surface, and dropped right into Setsuna's dipping bowl.

'_Yes, yes, yes!'_

Kuryakin's voice trailed off for two reasons: the table was inexplicably starting to shake, and Hotaru, while smiling slyly and still looking directly at him, was motioning toward Setsuna. She looked as though she was going to shake the table into splinters. Some of the dinnerware was dangerously close to going over the edge. Then she managed to separate from the table, backed quickly and cattily into the cabinets, edged around behind him, and dug her fingers into the shoulders of his sport jacket. She wanted the biggest thing in the room, that could move, between her and it.

"Get rid of it!" she hissed in his ear and pointed.

"What?" he said, his brain momentarily fogging over as he caught a whiff of her perfume.

She pointed again.

Oh," he said, spying the shiny brown, wriggling mass as it climbed on to the rim of the dipping bowl. "It's just a cockroach."

"I am aware of what it is! Get rid of it!" she whispered desperately in his ear. "Oh no!"

The roach was flexing its wings, trying to clear them of the sauce. Setsuna choked back a scream, and as Kuryakin stood up, she grabbed his sport coat in handfuls by the waist, hugging and huddling behind him, her eyes screwed tightly shut. She heard the flapping of its wings as it took off, and felt her bodyguard move a little. Hotaru applauded. With a move so sudden and swift she barely saw it, he had snatched the roach out of mid air.

"Where is it?!" Setsuna asked opening one eye a bit.

"It's okay. I've taken care of it."

She relaxed.

"I've got him right here," he said, holding it between his thumb and forefinger.

She tensed right back up, tighter than before.

"Hotaru-chan?" he said, turning it over in his fingers and showing her its back, "Order: _Blattodea_, Family: _Blattellidae_, Genus: _Blattella_, Species: _Blattella_ _asahinai_, or the Asian cockroach. Like all cockroaches, it is perfectly harmless, despite the fact that it can eat and digest almost anything due to the presence of an incredible variety of intestinal flora in its digestive track. They are distinguishable by the light brown V on the back and from their prodigious flying ability. This one's also a female as you can see by the _ootheca_, or egg sack extruding from … Miss Meioh, would you like to have look?"

"No!" she shrieked, digging her fingers into his sport coat's shoulders again and facing him away from her. "Do _not_ turn around!" Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and she pleaded loudly "Get rid of it! Kill it, please!"

"I'm not going to kill this peaceable and fastidious creature," Kuryakin said with complete seriousness. "You know, it's a marvel of efficiency and survivability. It serves a very useful purpose in nature …"

"It has fifty million progeny! It will not be missed. Exterminate it! Now!"

"No," he said firmly. "I don't want to get my hand dirty."

"It is far too late for that! Hold it out away from you," she growled very deliberately through clenched teeth, "keep yourself between me and the little hellspawn, and do _not_ turn around. Now, start walking!"

"Yes, Miss Meioh."

She began pushing him out of the dining room.

"Hold on, your chair, … Oww - wowww!" he yelled, banging his shin and nearly tripping over it, as she marched him to the back door. He opened the door with his free hand, and tossed it into the night. He was afraid for a moment she was going to push him out along with it, but she released his jacket, leaned against the wall and was breathing with relief.

"Close the door, please, before you allow another in," she ordered calmly.

"I didn't let in that one."

"How do you know that?"

"How do you know I did? Miss Meioh," he said thoughtfully, "would you like to be relieved of this irrational fear? I can show you how. I used to have the worst time with spiders."

"That will not be necessary."

"Maybe I should spend the night. If you see one, there are probably a hundred more."

"Not with the flying kind," she said mainly to reassure herself as she shuddered at the thought. "I am deathly afraid of those things. I can not help it. Please do not mock me."

He sighed.

"I wasn't mocking you," he said. "I would never mock you."

She looked up at him drawn to how soft and kind his voice had become. It reminded her of that night at the hospital, just before he'd left.

"It's just that … well, you seem so perfect, so imperturbable," he said simply. "It's nice to find out that there's something that gets to you. It's … cute."

It was hard to tell with her dusky skin and the dim hallway light, but he thought she might have blushed just now.

"Shall we return to dinner, Miss Meioh?" he asked, proffering his arm.

She took it, and then he placed his opposite hand over hers. She was surprised by how soft and warm it was.

"That is not the hand you caught it in, is it?"

"No."

Hotaru had cleaned the table, and gotten Setsuna fresh plates of food. She was smiling when she saw them walking in like that. This was more what she had in mind. Setsuna walked him over to the sink.

"Wash your hands, please."

"Of course, Miss Meioh."

He did so, and then seated them both very properly. Dinner began again. Stillness quickly resumed, but Hotaru noticed Setsuna was eyeing her very suspiciously. One too many oddities had occurred today; she was finally trying to put aside her worries about the recent events in her life, and was becoming suspicious. Then Hotaru started to giggle.

"What's so funny, Hotaru-chan?" asked Kuryakin.

"Little hellspawn."

Kuryakin started to chuckle too, but then bit his tongue for fear Setsuna would think he was mocking her. She smiled, however, and didn't seem to take offense since it had come from Hotaru, and not him.

"So, Hotaru," he said, "how do you feel about tomorrow's finals? Think you're ready to get through them?"

"Ummm, hmmm," she smiled confidently.

"Good. You seem to be over whatever sickness you had this morning."

Setsuna seemed about ready to descend back into her own little world, but then she perked up a bit a said, "Mister Kuryakin? I wonder if you could help me with something?"

"Name it, Miss Meioh," he said, as he perked up as well.

"Let me get it," she said. She left the table and he had to stop himself from rising again. Hotaru looked quite happy now. Setsuna returned with her laptop and that test that her former mentor had graded so harshly.

"I would be curious to know what you think of how this was graded," she said, and handed it to him as he sat down.

"Oh, Well, Miss Meioh," he said, reticently, "I'm not sure I'm fit to judge how your professors grade your wo …"

"Just tell me what you think," she commanded, then added, "You seem to be a fair-minded person. Please?"

"Okay," he said and then examined the question, her answer, and her professor's comments. He looked hard at her answer, and then began "tsk, tsking," made a bit of a show at getting out his red marker pen, and started marking it up. Kuryakin watched her expression over the top of her paper. Setsuna was first surprised, then hurt, then annoyed, then exasperated. He chuckled. "I'm just kidding, Miss Meioh," he smiled, as he turned the paper around to show that he was only pretending to write on it. "It's a fine answer and whoever graded this must've been having a very bad week. If you ask me, anyway." Setsuna looked momentarily offended at his lack of seriousness, but then smiled triumphantly and appreciatively. Even though her new mentor had agreed with her that there was nothing wrong with her answer, for some reason she couldn't quite pin down, she trusted her guest's judgement and erudition, and more importantly, his honesty.

"So, …" he said, hesitant to ask the same question twice," … what is your term paper about?"

She pursed her lips, and then got her laptop and opened it up.

"It's called Dark Energy,' Quantum Gravity, and The New Cosmological Constant," she said.

"Wow," he said sincerely. "And this is just a term paper?"

"Yes," she said, "Actually, it is merely my analysis of the WMAP data, but with an eye towards my junior thesis."

'_Merely?' _he thought. _ 'This should be interesting.'_

Kuryakin poured over the section Setsuna had vetted during his review session with Hotaru, while she looked over his shoulder. He looked very serious as he read it, and when he finished, he surprised Setsuna by asking if he could skim the other sections as well. Then he read her conclusion aloud: "… one of the biggest challenges to cosmologists and physicists is to prove or disprove whether these 'distasteful' aspects of the universe are merely coincidental, or in fact lead us to the realization of an underlying physical structure to the cosmos that we do not yet comprehend."

'_How is she doing this? Good grief, she's only three or four steps from understanding …'_ - he did not finish that thought. "Miss Meioh, this is … very good. I mean, this could get published. And …"

"Yes?"

"I … like how you write. It's concise and scientific without being dry and boring. There is … a certain passion in it. Are you sure fashion design is your calling?"

"Yes, I am," Setsuna replied, looking a bit embarrassed as she closed her laptop. "However, even as a child, I was always fascinated by the great physicists. Einstein, especially."

"Hmm," he smiled. "The thing that most fascinates me about Einstein is that if you look at his work up to the point where he explained general relativity, you can't get from where he was to what he discovered."

"And what do you conclude?"

"It was a revelation."

"Indeed?"

"I once took a class with a guy who was with Turing when he broke the Enigma code. He told me there are two kinds of geniuses in the world. There are geniuses who find a way to solve a problem, and you look at it and you say 'yes, given enough time, I could have come up with this.' Then there is the kind of genius –your singularities, Miss Meioh - who looks at a problem and comes up with a solution that is so out-of-the-blue, so off-the-wall, you _know_ that _never_- in million years- could you have come up with that. Turing was the second kind. Einstein, too."

The discussion was getting a little heady, but at least they were talking. Hotaru beamed, and started quietly thinking of the one thing Michiru-momma had forgotten. At some point, it would be best if Hotaru bowed out and 'let things happen,' if happen they were going to. Then, after this momentary flowering of sociability, they went back to The Silence, as they quietly finished their meal. It was a bit different, though, as if both of them were searching for some next thing to talk about. As they cleaned up the table, Hotaru thought up one last bit of a plan. She bowed out on the pretense of going to the restroom. In fact, she went to the phone in Haruka and Michiru's bedroom. While she was gone, as Kuryakin rinsed off the dishes, Setsuna cleared the disposables off the table. As she was about to chuck them, she noticed black marker on one of the crumpled up napkins. She opened it up and read the words. Then, adding it to the list of puzzling things happening this day, she pitched it.

* * *

"Hotaru? How's it going?" asked Michiru. She and Haruka had just finished dinner and were driving to the recital hall.

"Rotten, except for a few minutes ago. Michiru-momma, I am so glad I got a hold of you. Listen, I need exactly seven minutes from the end of this call, and then I want you to call the phone in the kitchen."

"What are you going to do?"

She explained, and Michiru said, "Hotaru! That is first class trickery. You're really starting to get it. I'm so proud of you. And remember: don't take 'no' for an answer. Just drag them both out there."

* * *

"Setsuna-momma, let's show Kuryakin-sensei the garden," Hotaru suggested trying not to sound desperate for anything that might keep him here a little longer. The dishes were in the dishwasher and Kuryakin, who was wiping off the table, couldn't help but chuckle at Hotaru's desperation.

"Hotaru," said Setsuna, "Night has fallen. What would he be able to see?"

"Well, it's always good to get some fresh air after a meal, and the sky should be quite pretty tonight."

"It was a fine meal –thank you so much, by the way- and I could do with a little stretch," Kuryakin said helpfully. Setsuna acquiesced, and Kuryakin held the door open for them both.

"Please hurry with the door," Setsuna said, "or you shall let in another cockroach."

"I didn't let in the first one."

"I do not see how you can know that."

"I don't see how you can know I did."

Hotaru sighed. Adults were mighty strange creatures sometimes. The backyard of this very nice house was almost extraordinary in its ordinariness, but it was not an unpleasant place for a man and a woman to have a chat and take a little walk. Hotaru kept an ear out for the phone call that should be coming in the next two minutes.

"Setsuna-momma's herb garden is right here," said Hotaru leading Kuryakin to a patch near a hedge.

"What do you have planted here, Miss Meioh?"

"Oh, medicinal herbs, mostly. I used some of them to make broth for Hotaru this morning."

'_Michiru-momma! Hurry up and call!' _thought Hotaru, as she credited Momma Meioh's Home Remedy for her quick recovery from her earlier sickness.

"Miss Meioh, you should bottle and sell that remedy," Kuryakin smiled. "It's almost as if Hotaru wasn't sick at all."

Hotaru had backed toward the house, as Kuryakin had knelt down to examine the garden, and took a cursory sniff. Inside the house, a phone started ringing.

"I'll get it," Hotaru said over her shoulder, as she bolted for the door. Kuryakin chuckled quite audibly. He didn't know what was funnier: the transparency of Hotaru's plan, or Miss Meioh's odd, apparent lack of perception –or was it indifference?- about it all.

"What is so funny, Mister Kuryakin?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Well," he said, standing up, "this is … nice."

"It is very ordinary," Setsuna replied.

"Oh? Some of it is even better than nice."

"You are just being kind, I think."

"I am sorry for being such a bother tonight."

"It is all right."

"Thanks again for dinner. It was very good."

"You are welcome."

"There is quite a bit of room back here," he said as they reached a modest little fountain. "If somebody wanted to do something with it, it could possibly rise to the level of …"

"… extraordinarily ordinary."

He laughed, and she seemed taken aback a bit.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were being funny."

"Was that amusing? I was merely stating facts, I thought. Hotaru is against any planned, proper garden back here. She feels that flowers should be free to grow wherever they do."

"Hmm, that's funny," he snerked. "At my house, the adults were always in charge."

She harrumphed, but with a bit of a smile. "The adults _are_ in charge here, Mister Kuryakin. Come along, please. There is a nice group of cymbidium over here by the fountain that Michiru – Miss Kaioh- snuck in. And a wild rose bush over here, though it would make more sense over there…" she continued as she showed him the rest of what was a modest and unplanned garden.

"Thank you for the tour," he said, sincerely. "You have been most gracious."

"Now you are trying to amuse, I think."

"It's been very kind of you to tolerate my extended presence here."

"Not at all," she said airily.

"Really? I had gotten the feeling this house rarely sees … male company."

She almost laughed, he was sure of it, though she hid it so well.

"Thank you, for taking care of that … intruder," she said with a tiny shudder.

"I apologize for appearing to make fun of you. They're not remotely dangerous. I really don't see why we have to kill something just because it makes us uncomfortable."

"Oh, have you no fears?"

"Oh, I have fears, yes, but mine are all perfectly reasonable ones," he said confidently.

"You were still a bit harsh to me," she said, but she was smiling a little now, and it was beautiful to see.

"You were a bit hard on my jacket," he smiled back.

"Oh? Did I damage it? I know how to fix such things."

"No." _'But I almost wish you had.'_

"I wonder if you could tell me something," Setsuna said after a pause.

"Possibly, Miss Meioh."

She looked like she had to humble herself to say it. "What is the solution to that silly riddle?"

"Riddle? Oh, the two knights? You don't know that one? You weren't able to figure it out? Hotaru did."

"She refuses to give me the solution."

"Really?" he chuckled. "The Kittens, did they know it?"

"Neither would they tell me."

"It's really _bugging_ you, is it?"

"You are close to mocking me again."

He sighed. "I wasn't mocking you, and I'm not mocking you now."

"Please?" she implored in a simple, yet plaintive voice so unintentionally sweet that if she'd used it to ask him to go kill himself, he might have done it.

"It's all in the wording, Miss Meioh. The king was too clever by half. The king's words were 'the one_ whose horse_ comes in last.' So the wise man told them to switch horses."

"Ah, thus it becomes possible for someone to win equitably by making the horse he owns come in last."

"Just so."

"Well, how silly," she said.

"Of course it is. All riddles are silly once one knows the answer."

"I hope you have not forgotten your promise to explain the riddle of your unusual abilities, once Hotaru has passed her finals. I am interested to know that part of your story."

"I'll be delighted to," he said. He hoped she had remembered that, but the lack of enthusiasm for it in her voice made him realize for the first time tonight what might have prompted Hotaru to attempt this deception. Not only did she know how he felt, she must really be pulling for him.

"Maybe we could …," he was going to suggest what amounted to a date, but Setsuna's natural defenses were on form and, realizing she'd opened herself up to that, she quickly closed that window of opportunity by walking purposively toward the house. He quickly caught up to her.

"Miss Meioh, please wait a moment."

There was something very gentle about the way he asked that stopped her.

"I guess you have realized," he began, "that, inevitably perhaps, I have come to care for Hotaru very much. I've never met anyone quite like her."

"You are a kind person," she responded. "I would imagine that you truly care about all your students, and that is why, ultimately, they do well."

"Perhaps, but, well, we both know that this girl is special. I really meant it when I said I should be paying you for the privilege of teaching her. I hope you will allow me to follow how she does in the future."

"You are quite welcome to call or come by occasionally and find out how she is doing."

"Thank you," he said. Hotaru's decision to act now was becoming more explicable by the moment. He was being dismissed again, but then Setsuna looked up at the night sky, calm settled over her, and she seemed to have gotten over the momentary rush of discomfort.

"Lovely night," she said looking up at a moon two nights from waxing quarter and surrounded by a sea of stars.

"Yes," he replied, "Very warm, for early December."

Both of them stood there for several minutes, just looking at the moon. Then he glanced at her, and her eyes were half-closed and she was deep in thought.

'_This is so nice, to be here sharing this night sky with her. Thank you, Hotaru-chan,' _he thought, looking back at the sky.

'_The sky does look lovely tonight,' _Setsuna thought. _'How … strange I suddenly feel. This is truly not so undesirable a thing, just looking at the night sky with someone …'_

* * *

Having taken herself out of the picture, Hotaru was desperate to find out how it was going. She went upstairs so she could spy on them. They had been walking and talking, but she could find out little more from this vantage point. Suddenly, that wasn't good enough and so the on-the-fly clandestine mission quickly modulated to plans for a more direct approach. She had gone quietly out the front door and stealthily made her way around back. She was good at this sort of thing. She knew that quieting her mind was as important as keeping her steps quiet. She got there quite silently and then reached a nearby tree by timing her steps with theirs. As she settled in to a crouch and took a peek around the tree, what she saw looked promising. They were staring at the moon together.

'_Awww. That's more like it.'_

* * *

"I like the moon when it's lit just a little bit," said Kuryakin. "It really looks like a three dimensional sphere hanging there, instead of a flat disk of light. You can really see it during a lunar eclipse."

"Yes," Setsuna said quietly, "I like the ruddy, copper color that it takes on in the deep of earth's umbra. Like a glowing ember."

"Indeed. Blood red, some would say. And Venus is quite bright tonight. If you look hard enough, you can see it's nearing full."

"You can see that?" she asked, "With the unaided eye?"

"I'm a little farsighted."

"You know that the Phases of Venus cycle every …"

"… 548 days, yes," he jumped in. "One of the ways Galileo ruled out the Ptolemaic system was by observing the phases of Venus. In the Ptolemaic system, it would be impossible for Venus to be full from earth's vantage point."

"Indeed," ventured Setsuna. "Did you know that the people who first brought charges against Galileo were his fellow scientists?"

"Yes," said Kuryakin, "they were the ones who constrained his research the most. Do you know why?"

"Actually, no," she said glancing at him, "I never looked in to that."

"If Copernicanism was correct, henceforth, all teachers of physics would have to know mathematics as well. Galileo raised the bar, and besides a lot of supposedly educated people were going to look pretty foolish if he was right. Galileo's worst enemy was, probably, the Jesuit astronomer Grassi."

"Ah, yes," said Setsuna, "Galileo mocked him mercilessly -and deservedly- in _The Assayer_."

"That's right," he said pleasantly. "There is considerable debate over how much Grassi had to do with it, but there were a bunch of other scientists who wanted Galileo out of the picture. Like Christoph Scheiner. He hated that Galileo got credit for discovering sunspots and that he correctly deduced their nature. Scheiner was the prime mover in the attempt to keep Galileo's books from being published, and in organizing pressure on the Catholic Church to try Galileo for heresy. Although it was true that by clearly siding with Copernicus, Galileo embroiled himself, and the Church, in the larger questions of Protestantism. That's what brought everything to a head."

"I did not realize that," said Setsuna with a smile.

"Miss Meioh," he said, with the tiniest hint of provocation in his voice, "second only to the fear of mortality, the other big driver of history … is _envy_."

"With that, Mister Kuryakin, I _very_ _much_ agree," Setsuna smiled. If put to it, she would have to admit she was enjoying herself just now.

* * *

Hotaru wasn't. She sat behind the tree fuming, a perturbed look twisting her face. Here she had gone and arranged all this: a guy alone with a beautiful woman, watching the moon, and what was he doing about it? Talking about Galileo. If this got any more romantic, she was going to scream.

* * *


	19. Chapter 06 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – This Is How We Fight**

**(Part 3)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

"King, I must pay the price for my crime …

I was always proud of my duty, _my_ king …

your face is so close … don't look at me like that …

your lavender cloak, that light purple of the morning sunrise …

**-Sailor Pluto, Nemesis Arc (manga)**

* * *

"Directly above," Peter Kuryakin said, looking up, "would be Jupiter."

"Indeed," Setsuna said, "Mercury is down, and behind the sun just now."

"Mars and Saturn won't be up until early morning."

"Yes, but Uranus and Neptune are to the south east, over there," she pointed.

"That's right, and if I'm not mistaken, Pluto is below the horizon now, down a little from Serpens Cauda, just up from Sagittarius."

"That is correct," said Setsuna, sounding a little impressed. "How do you know that?"

"One might say Astronomy was my first hobby. It's just one of those things I keep in my head all the time. It's easy to keep track of Pluto since it doesn't move very fast."

"Oh, it moves quite fast," Setsuna retorted, suddenly playful. "Just not from this vantage point."

"Yes, and it just has such a long way to go."

"Of course, it doesn't matter much anymore since Pluto is not even a planet," she said.

"Ah, yes," he chuckled, "the IAU meeting. A rollicking good time to be had at that little pointy-headed bore-a-thon, I'll bet. At least they showed some class in their selection of a host city. Still …

_... I, remembering, pitied well_

_And loved them, who, with lonely light,_

_In empty infinite spaces dwell,_

_Disconsolate. For, all the night,_

_I heard the thin gnat-voices cry,_

_Star to faint star, across the sky._

"Who wrote that?" she asked, sounding a tiny bit amused.

"Rupert Brooke."

"Ah," Setsuna smiled but grimly, "A very minor poet for a very minor planet."

He started to laugh, but then caught himself, because it was very hard to tell if she was trying to be funny. "It is the glory of science to progress," he said after regaining himself, "but the rather arbitrary definition they've come up with will have to be amended again eventually. The logical conclusion of the procedure they've inaugurated is that ultimately there's no such thing as a planet at all. Would've been best to just leave it be. The Pluto system is fascinating by any measure and that New Horizons Probe is a valuable and worthy effort to learn more about it. Perhaps you and I should join the Pluto Pals club at the Jet Propulsion Lab …"

Strangely, she laughed at this, and then looked at him with something like warmth.

"Mister Kuryakin?" she asked after half a minute or so of cricket chirrups filling the quiet night.

"Yes, Miss Meioh?"

"When the moon is full, what do you see?" she asked, finally looking away from him and to the waxing crescent of light.

"What do you mean, Miss Meioh?"

"Some see a rabbit."

"Ah yes, the rabbit of the moon, pounding out rice cakes. I can see the rabbit, if I look for it. Usually though, I see the face. The Man in the Moon."

"Why the face?"

"Maybe because I always notice peoples' faces first. I mean, bodies are unique too, but … well, the body is _what_ you are, and the face is more … _who_ you are. Does that … make sense?"

"A bit," she said with a tiny smile, casually twisting that unruly lock of hair with her finger again. "In Ancient Egypt, they saw a scarab beetle. Or, so I have heard," she quickly added.

"Yes, among many other things. People are always looking for the familiar. They don't like things too much out of the expected pattern."

"Speaking of which," Setsuna said, "I am not entirely certain what has gotten in to Hotaru today. She is obviously not ill."

This was, as always with her, a strange conversation. At some points it seemed like it was about over, and he would get that feeling that she seemed bored and distant, and even wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. Then, just like their phone calls, she would jump in with something else, and it felt like she didn't want this to end. Quietly in this moment, a sense of something shared came over them: some hidden similarity that drew them both out a little, each in their own way, each on their own path, and now those paths had crossed. A cross is always a collision between two lines, each having gone their way for so long, it was hard to see how either could change course, but perhaps this night all that was needed was to bend a little. Why not admit the woman had driven him crazy from the beginning? She'd thrown him off of every pattern of his behavior in every possible way, and now, standing here, catching the faint scent of lavender about her, watching her subconsciously twisting the unruly lock of her hair, seeing her shimmering eyes, her dusky skin, a faint blush –he was sure of it- coming into her cheeks now and then, he became lost in her. He had meant for this conversation –or something like it- to take place a few days from now. Whenever he thought about that day, he had a very clear idea of what he intended to do, how he intended to do it, and how he would declare himself at the end of it. Hotaru had intervened, and changed this. Kuryakin ran the events of this odd evening one last time. She had plotted to get them together. She must know as well as anyone if 'the way was clear,' and she surely knew something about the ways of this woman's heart. Perhaps he should allow that something larger was at work. The teacher decided to trust the student.

"Miss Meioh," he said, clearing his throat, "I have an admission to make. I … know what that's about, actually."

Behind her tree, Hotaru perked up.

"Indeed? What?" asked Setsuna.

He hesitated and this was only to take a moment to think of, not whether, but how he should do this.

"Anything to do with Hotaru I truly need to know of," she said firmly.

"Yes, well, it's … uh … ,"

Setsuna was still looking sternly at him, expecting an answer. He sighed, finally deciding on how to say it.

"Okay …" he said, facing her now.

"Yes?"

"It has been four months … well, three months, 27 days, 7 hours, 32 minutes and 44 seconds since I first met Hotaru … and you."

"Oh," said Setsuna, sounding surprised and genuinely impressed, "that is _very_ good. Very accurate."

"Thank you. I have excellent time consciousness."

"As do I."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes," Setsuna replied. "One might say it runs in my family. Although I would quibble with the number of seconds, since we saw you before you saw us."

"Yes, I suppose. Unless we count the beginning of your phone call as the starting point, anyway," he said, getting back to the point, "… since I first met Hotaru, _and you_."

She momentarily lowered her gaze and said, "We are all quite happy with the results. We have every confidence that she shall pass …"

"Miss Meioh? Shhhh," he said firmly, and she was stunned into immediate silence when he put his hand to her lips and drew –smoothly and inexorably - far too close to her. Her eyes widened.

"In all that time," he said softly and evenly, "not one day has passed without me wondering what it would be like to kiss you."

Dawning comprehension about the meaning of the entire day and this man's current intentions was suddenly very clear in her expression.

"I don't know how Hotaru figured this out," he said a bit haltingly. "I _swear_ to you, I said nothing, nor did I conspire with her in any way. I would never, ever abuse a trust. I pray you'll believe that."

He was so tall, and close like this, towered over her. Insofar as she could think at all, she did believe him. The meaning of the cryptic napkin was now clear. He was as surprised as she by Hotaru's behavior. For his part, he paused, trying to read any reaction in her. She was blushing, but more than that, Touch was Knowledge to him. Touching her lips was opening her up to his powers of prescience and insight, and allowing him to see into her thoughts and feelings. At this, he was nearly overwhelmed. The depth of this woman, the things he saw within her, moved him like nothing since the moment he'd first seen her. She was incredibly lovely, yes, and more exotic to him than she could know, but now he saw the long days of loneliness and wondered over the why of them: he saw her intense disregard for her own state, the deep, deep tensions, and that deeply hidden and embattled core of hope-filled innocence and goodness that struggled so mightily to reconcile them. It occurred to him that she was very restrained because nearly anything she felt was too deep for words, and only the very proper and antiquated dialect in which she spoke could hope to express her feelings properly. There was sorrow too, and yet where the sadness concerned her own self, it was, as he had surmised, matched by an almost saintly indifference to it.

Suddenly his mind was made up. If she'd let him …

"I guess I was more obvious than I thought," he continued, "… and so Hotaru conspired to bring us together tonight."

It was a measure of how distracted Setsuna had been that this was a revelation to her. Of course, all the strange things that happened today were a conspiracy working toward this moment, yet she only just now _fully_ realized it.

"I guess she thought I might be tired of wondering. And you know what?" he said, as his fingers had migrated to her flushing cheek while his thumb had taken their place over her lips.

"She was right," he said plainly, as he looked at her face to face through the eyes of fully revealed desire. Somewhere in Setsuna's mind, a distant voice was calling, screaming, for her to escape. There were a thousand reasons why this _must not_ happen; she could recite them in order with precision and speed; it was all for naught, as she found herself immobilized.

'_No, do not look at me like that … like HE did …the day I died …with such love, such pity for me in his eyes… your eyes, oh, your amazing eyes …'_

As he leaned toward her, he hesitated, once, twice, and even a third time, offering her every opportunity to back away. She did not, and then there came a moment - the briefest flicker of her eyes coupled with a tiny, shuddered breath and the slightest hint of …was it a smile?- that seemed to welcome what was coming, and drew him in. She stood there, perfectly still, until there was no stopping, and as he pressed his mouth into hers, his hope that he had given her every fair chance to resist this advance dissolved into a feeling of exquisite bliss. She was tall, but he was still much taller and it was a bit awkward for him. As he cradled her whole cheek in the warm and surprisingly soft palm of his hand, he slipped his other hand firmly around her waist. Her eyes oscillated back to surprise and alarm, and she was very stiff in his embrace. Then, by slow degrees, she willingly softened till her eyes languorously closed, and her head arched backward as he gently pulled her to him. Neither of them noticed as he carefully and effortlessly lifted her from the ground so that he could stand properly. Nor did either of them notice that she had drawn one leg slightly up, like a woman being kissed in some French movie.

How many times since he'd met her had he awakened from the dream of kissing this woman? In his waking hours, how many times had he caught himself imagining it? But the perfume of her silken hair could not be imagined, nor could the sweet, warm, moist taste of her mouth, nor could his shock that this unbelievable woman was letting him kiss her. She began, tentatively, to return the kiss; he deepened it, and realized then that yes, she was knowing, worldly and sophisticated, yet somehow he was almost certain she had never really known the touch of a man in love with her, or ever been kissed. Then came the sweetest moment yet, and such resistance as she still retained collapsed completely as she let herself be taken away by the wave carrying both of them into a quiet, solitary, soft lit place. When she brought one hand up through the embrace and thrust it into his hair, he was sure that if the other hadn't for the moment been pinned at her side, she would have done the same with it. He knew now that deep down inside she did have feelings for him. The die was cast; something wasn't quite right and there might be trouble ahead, but the consequences be damned. As if this would be the only chance he would ever have, or the only kiss she might ever receive, he held her long and kissed her deeply.

* * *

Hotaru had really perked up when he mentioned that he knew why she was acting this way today.

'_Was he going to say it?'_

Tonight's agenda was simply about getting them together and talking like normal people, and maybe, just maybe, a shy "you look very lovely tonight, Miss Meioh," or an "I care for you very much, Miss Meioh," might somehow find its way out into the open. Christmas Eve, Japan's Valentines Day, was coming in a few weeks. Maybe by then, they would be comfortable with each other and he could use that as an opportunity to ask her out.

Now she hid behind the tree with her hands covering an expression of shock, mingled with certain anxious satisfaction. She could not believe what she had just seen. Apparently, she'd underestimated everything: not only his feelings for her, but his courage, and possibly his experience in such matters. Even more incredible, though, was that she was letting him do it. When she brought her hand up through his embrace, Hotaru winced because she was sure she was going to hear the sound of her tutor getting smacked, hard. Perhaps she'd overestimated Setsuna's restraint, or underestimated what she was really feeling about him. Perhaps Setsuna-momma had underestimated it herself. Him kissing her like that: letting herself be kissed like that; Michiru-momma might be right, and Hotaru shuddered at the thought that she may have started something much bigger than she realized. She had to take another look.

'_Wow, they're still going at it …' _

* * *

Setsuna finally worked her other hand free and was stroking his hair with it, too. There was no mistaking that she was kissing him back, her little whimpers of pleasure drawing him, ever deeper, into her soul. He was noticing everything in this moment of rapture, the way her long shapely nails felt on his scalp, the gradations of the dim light on her smooth, dusky yet reddened cheeks, the subtlety of the lavender eye shadow on her eyelids, the downy soft feel of every strand in her silky hair, the warmth of her strong, lean body as it strained against his. She was the woman of Byron's idyll, who walked in beauty like the night; she was Beatrice on the Ponte Vecchio, who, by one seeing of her, altered a man's life forever; or best yet, she was the woman in the Song of Songs, dark and lovely, fairer than the moon, brighter than the sun, terrible as an army on the march. Up to this moment, it was still possible that he could have backed away without too much damage to himself; and then, it was no longer possible. Everything that had gotten Peter Kuryakin this far was swept away; if he wasn't gone for her before, he was now.

And she was forgetting everything as well. She was not Sailor Pluto, the Daughter of Time, who watched from afar over a king and kingdom yet to come, the most faithful servant of the Queens Serenity past and future, and best friend of her dearest love, Small Lady Serenity, heiress of that kingdom. She was just Setsuna Meioh, once and still an orphan child, but now a terribly pretty college student, strong, mature and intelligent, with a talent for physics, who dreamed of seeing her name in lights on a fashion house marquee, who loved children, her part time job as a nurse, long walks in the rain, the odd foreign film, green tea and mint chip ice cream. She was being held, sweetly, patiently, gently, by a wonderfully strange and mysterious man, who despite his often dour expression was the kindest man she'd ever met, who seemed just sort of there at first glance, but then became more and more handsome the longer one looked, whose eyes glistened blue-white and seemed to notice everything, and who -if asked- would also admit to being very fond of long walks in the rain, the odd foreign film, green tea and mint chip ice cream.

And then, for a moment all the sweeter for its incredible brevity, they were not even Peter Kuryakin and Setsuna Meioh. They were Man and Woman, Adam and Eve, alone and singular, kissing each other for the first time in all of creation.

They kissed a bit longer, but finally he parted from her with one last gentle brush of her mouth with his own, and then he let the dazed and lovely woman to the ground. For the briefest moment, she was seized by a desire similar to the one that nearly overwhelmed her that night at the hospital, a desire to take his head in her hands, pull him to her and kiss him in return. She resisted it, though in the days that followed, she wondered how differently things might have gone, had she abandoned herself to the moment, and done so.

"So now you know," his voice, a gentle rumbling, whispered to her.

It was a curious thing, how natural it seemed while it was happening. She had suspected that this was how he felt. She had suspected her own heart, too, from the beginning, but she had blocked it from her consciousness so effectively –old habits die hard- she was genuinely surprised that she'd allowed this to happen. Then she looked away from him, off into the distance. Like a cavalry charge, those thousand 'reasons this must not happen' were rushing toward her now, the most important ones in the van. He could see that she was very troubled now. There was something else, and he looked in great puzzlement at her, watching her very closely, and able to do so more effectively than he had ever been able to before. Then with a disappointment he was only barely able to conceal, he realized the problem. Hotaru had missed something. His eyes closed a little, and he said, "You're in love with someone else, aren't you?"

The "yes" escaped Setsuna's lips before she'd been able to weigh whether she really intended to say it and the gasp from behind a nearby tree was so loud, Hotaru's cover was completely blown. Looking to his right at the tree behind which she was standing, Kuryakin said "Hotaru-chan, come on out."

Utterly chastened, she emerged, her chin resting on her chest. '_So that was what Michiru-momma was talking about. Who could she possibly be in love with?' _Then, with a flash of insight, she thought she knew who. Her mind was racing furiously, wondering why Michiru didn't tell her. _'She did, in a way,'_ Hotaru admitted. Of course, it almost had to be Endymion, but … that was someone she could never have. And that's why Michiru went along. _ 'She knew, but wanted to see if perhaps Setsuna-momma could accept someone else in his place. What have I done?'_

Crouching down to look her in the eye, Kuryakin put his hands on Hotaru shoulders and said amusedly, "We've been a very bad girl today." Her head drooped further. It might have been one thing, if he'd pursued Setsuna-momma on his own, and been rejected. She had done it for sound reasons, but she had encouraged him, given him hope where there might not be any, if only for a few hours today.

"You strange, wonderful girl," he was saying. "I knew you were trouble. I just expected the trouble part to manifest itself a bit sooner. But, to think you care enough about me to figure out how I feel about someone and try to help me tell her … that is the kindest, not to mention most unexpected, thing anyone has done for me here. I was going to try and ask her out once you were taken care of. This … could have waited until after the tests."

"No, it couldn't," she said meekly, "because after Friday ... She's been so suspicious of you, I was just afraid I'd never get see you again."

He looked at her with a terribly confused but happy expression. "Wow. I mean _that_ much to you? This is the first time my … pedagogical method … has ever really backfired. The moment I heard your voice, I knew you were going to be more different than any student I'd ever had. I like you, too."

"You don't just like me," she said, almost reprovingly.

"How honest and unafraid you are. Yes, I suppose I do … love you."

'_Suppose?'_ Despite herself, she looked at him a bit angrily.

"Yes, Hotaru-chan, I care for you very much."

"That's how you do what you do for people. When someone as cool as you," –he arched his eyebrows in surprise at that- "takes a genuine interest in a person who is really troubled, it makes them feel the uniqueness their troubles make them forget. You're a great teacher because you love your students so much, in the end they can't bear to let you down, no matter what. They'll overcome anything. Like I have."

"Heh, well, I don't know about the 'cool' part, but you're right. That's not only how I try to do it, that's almost exactly how I would explain it. The best teachers I ever had taught me in the same way. I was a lousy student, a complete disaster-and that's not the worst of it. Others made me what I am today. However, 'the way I work' is one of those things better left implicit. You are a very insightful girl, Hotaru."

"I wasn't insight. I … read your journal," she confessed.

"Oh? The day that pipe burst? I wondered about that. It wasn't _quite_ where I left it. I don't mind for myself, but for the sake of those you read about, you really shouldn't have done that."

"I'm sorry," she said contritely.

"Well … I don't see there was any malice in your heart, so … it's okay."

"I'm sorry for tonight, too," Hotaru mewed. "I thought she was … I thought she had fallen … The way she was so suspicious of you, I was sure she was just covering herself. And she's always looking at you when you're not looking at her. Look, she's doing it right now. She can't stop herself. Look at her."

"Is she?" he asked, while continuing to look deep into Hotaru's eyes. "I hadn't noticed that. I was too busy noticing … everything else about her, I guess. There's a lot there to notice."

"I was just trying to help you both. I … I … I'm sorry."

"I was going to ask her out after you were taken care of."

"I knew you would. But she is so good at pushing people away."

"Oh? Well, that explains a lot about today," he smiled. It was obvious to Kuryakin now that Hotaru had invested a great deal of emotion in the idea of 'him and her together.' The look in her eyes was worrisome; it was a look of utter failure, complete defeat. This was really important to her. She may have wanted this more than he did, if that were possible. Setsuna had admitted Hotaru could see the future. Did this all have something to do with that? "But," he continued, "I wished you hadn't done this. It's obvious you were really hoping for something here, and now it's going to mess with your head. What Miss Meioh, and the Kittens and I have been trying to do for you is very important. You've got finals tomorrow. I wasn't one bit worried about you passing, until tonight. You have got to forget about this. It's okay. It really it is. I didn't quite realize I have come to mean quite a bit to you. But right now, getting you through the next two days is the reason I am here. The only reason. You must succeed. Twenty minutes ago, I wasn't worried at all. Now I am, so you really ought to go to bed. I'll be very sad if all the fun we've had, and the work you've done, goes to waste. You need to be at the testing center at 8:15. And don't be late. Oh, and eat that special breakfast I brought for you. It'll be just like the midterms. I want time to help you set your mind at ease. I will be right outside the door, thinking about you, and even praying over you. You must put whatever you were hoping for here aside. We'll work it out later, I promise. Okay?"

She smiled a little too, then turned slowly and walked away.

"It just one of those things, okay?" he called after her. "Good night, Hotaru-chan."

"Good night," she said meekly. And then she stopped, and turned back, her face strange, her eyes hinting at The Cold Look.

"Good night … _papa_," she said, and then she ran into the house as fast as she could.

Words fail in describing exactly what the use of the word _'papa'_ had just done to Peter Kuryakin. The German word '_u__nheimlich_' that roughly translates "beyond the merely uncanny" didn't begin it, though "numinous awe" might be close. Kuryakin was as stunned and immobilized, as Setsuna had been a few minutes ago. _'Papa?'_ Something was stirring in his mind, something from long ago. He could feel himself being pulled back through the years. He stood up, walked over to a tree and looked to the northwest, found the Great Square of Pegasus.

"It couldn't be," he mused out loud, shaking his head firmly. "Couldn't be. Just couldn't."

Then, gathering himself, he turned to face Setsuna. Instead of simply walking away as part of her mind was yet demanding, she had spent the whole time looking at him, as Hotaru had said. She was also lost in thought. Par of her wanted to take back that 'yes' of a few minutes ago, but a battle raged in her mind as those thousand reasons this must not happen vied for position.

"Miss Meioh?"

First, there was her duty: as the Soldier of Revolutions and Time, she had seen so much, and was in most ways, an incredibly jaded person. She had been at her post for so long, and done it so well, that it had become hard to see anything other than the inevitable, inexorable and tragic destinies of stars. What had just happened was trite, maudlin, clichéd. She should have been able to dismiss it, easily, as ultimately false, ephemeral, and illusory. Yet, it wasn't that simple. Even after all that time, there was deep within her a maiden in the most virginal sense, and with all the hopes that entailed, for hopes like that can transcend even time. Even before awakening as Sailor Pluto, she had protected that part of herself, instinctually. Though she had gone on a few dates and even had a boyfriend for a short time, though they kissed only once, and he moved away shortly thereafter. Once that awakening occurred, all her consciousness as Sailor Pluto had returned, including all the habits of mind and body that had made her such a superb guardian. She was instantly the Setsuna Meioh everyone now knew. She had repressed that part of herself for a time so long it would beggar understanding for anyone who knew her to find out that even at this late date in her life, she harbored such thoughts. There were times when she could almost see herself, as a very young Senshi, staring in wonder at the past Queen as she received her instructions for her posting at the time gate. She had denied herself for the best and most noble of reasons. No one could fault her there, except at the end, and even then she had violated the rules only to preserve that which the rules sought to protect. She had desired to leave her post only because she longed to fight with the others. She had paid the price for her crime, willingly.

"Miss Meioh?"

Second, Michiru was correct. Until she had awakened in this age, Endymion was the only man she'd ever met, much less known. And that was enough. Now alive in this time by the power of Neo Queen Serenity, and awakened to her destiny as Sailor Pluto, she could meet other men, and part of the way she stayed focused upon her duty was to judge every one of them by that nearly impossible standard. She had of course met his past and unpolished self, Mamoru Chiba, and those times, though brief, were wonderful beyond description. Yet they were painful too, though as always she concealed it, and even smiled through it all. She had to. Their recent chance meeting at K.O. was no exception. It was amusing, in a way, to see 'her king' as something less than what he was to become, but even there, the seeds of who he was were already so visible, it took little imagination to see the finished form, and it didn't matter whether it was fair to judge all men by such an impossible standard; for a woman's heart was her own to give or withhold for any reason she chose. Fairness was never the point of love. Her unrequited love for Endymion was a perfect shield from any thought of anyone else, while his inaccessibility kept her true to her duty. It was the tension in which she'd lived, if not happily, at least contentedly for longer than the man before her could possibly suspect. She 'watched over him from afar' knowing she would never have him. Now she felt caught in her own trap. Endymion was royalty, and thus, by definition, a rarity. It had never occurred to her that someone might come close to measuring up, or that she should ever meet such a man. She had not noticed how she could not stop looking at Kuryakin because it was simply impossible such a person should exist. Now, inexplicably, here was someone just as polished, superbly intelligent and gallant, wonderful in motion or standing still, and even handsome –indeed the more one was around him, the more things one noticed, especially his fine hands that belied their quickness by their gentleness. How such a man had come to be required some explaining, but she had to admit, he came very, very close.

"Miss Meioh?"

Third, her love of Small Lady, heiress of the kingdom, stemmed not only from the isolation they shared, but from the unrequited and unrequitable love for her father. Yet even without that, she realized, it was something that could stand on its own, and had long since done so. She loved that kid, period. There was no need for further thought on that. Anything that threatened it and their future would be viciously opposed. And now, she loved Hotaru in the same way: unconditionally. She could not quite understand why Hotaru sought to unsettle things so, but she still loved her. He now seemed like something that truly threatened to come between Hotaru and her (and did she just call him 'papa'? Worrisome. _Very._). But Hotaru was not to blame, Setsuna felt. She never knew about this part of Setsuna's life, and now the deed was done. If only this man hadn't kissed her, she could have continued as she was. Only by that was the conversation in her head even possible. No matter how close he'd gotten to her, it would have never been enough to breach her defenses, especially not the diamond hard wall of duty. It was Hotaru who had opened the gate from inside, and he -understandably, for she was not the least bit ignorant of her own allure - had seized his chance. Where did he ever find the courage to do that? Now she had to acknowledge that he had gotten inside of her, and unsettled her, from day one. Did she dare hope for romantic love, instead of always watching from afar? How could she, with all the responsibility that had been laid upon her? That question seemed ever crucial.

Yet, in that moment he kissed her, none of it mattered. None of it. She understood well the difference between _savoir_ and _connaître_, between knowing a fact and knowing by experience. This was not mere fact. It was pure bliss, and she felt the sweetness of it. Every part of her was warmed more profoundly by it than she could have imagined in her finest dreams. Those things she had repressed for the sake of duty gained terrible new strength and demanded a hearing. The deepest, most maidenly part of her glowed to the point of deepest embarrassment at the sheer abandon of it, the sudden, utterly passionate appreciation and affection she'd just been shown. She was also more moved than she would admit by the risk to heart and soul someone very strong and seemingly self-sufficient had taken to show it. Someone very nice, even acceptable to her, had made her feel her own beauty in the way only its appreciation by an Other can do; set against the background of her long privation, it was possibly the most incredible feeling she'd ever felt. Now, she might not be able to recover from that glimpse of that she had not known by intimate acquaintance.

"Miss Meioh?"

But anger began pushing its way up, like a weed through a crack in the pavement. She found herself suddenly determined to see this in the same light as the incident with her professor. Never mind that Hotaru had engineered this. Never mind that this was not a matter of someone with authority over her using his position to promote her socially. Never mind that –so she had to admit- that this man might be acceptable to her in _that_ way. She was angry. All of her anger over that incident she transferred to him. It was so wrong of him to do that to her. Understandable, but wrong.

She looked at him, and he marveled yet again, as he had from the moment he met her, at how dignified and demure she was, with her hands interlocked in front of her; bashful, beautiful and womanly; so strong, yet vulnerable too. How troubled her expression was right now.

"I'm not sorry you know how I feel," he said. "Not at all. But I was, perhaps, a bit forward and ungentlemanly. If I can't be sorry you know how I feel, I can at least be sorry that I'm not sorry. As I just said, I had thought I might approach you properly after Hotaru's difficulties were resolved. Once I realized what she was up to tonight, I played along because I thought maybe she knew better than I about the best way to approach you and … ah well. What is it with kids these days, always forcing issues? Good night, Miss Meioh."

He turned and went back into the house to get his briefcase. There were things left unsaid, but now that she had recovered herself, there was no way she was going to go after him. Then she chanced to look up, and saw Hotaru with her face pressed against the window of her bedroom looking forlorn.

'_Is he so special, Hotaru? My child, you must not falter in these next two days. The scholarship, your future, our destinies, I want this tutoring nonsense to end. I want her back.'_

It was a simple enough decision of the kind she had made from the very beginning, but this time, she made it a little too easily.


	20. Chapter 06 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – This Is How We Fight**

**(Part 4)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

'Love believes all things – and yet is never deceived;

Love hopes all things – and yet is never put to shame …'

**- Soren Kierkegaard, **

_**Works of Love**_

--

No, of course, I like you. It's because I like you,

I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated … emotion.

**-Marlin to Dori, **_**Finding Nemo**_

* * *

Hotaru bounded through the door of Funabashi Academy, and ran to Haruka's car. Michiru and Haruka followed her out, talking to Kuryakin-sensei. She had sailed through every exam and, even though it temporarily exhausted her, made it through a 100 meter freestyle at the end of her physical fitness tests. She had felt so energetic this bright Thursday morning, she had almost wished she could take the phys. ed. tests first. But, no matter. She'd made it through, and knew she'd done well. She was happy for that, but she was even happier still about something else. As Kuryakin and "The Kittens" continued talking, she thought, over and over again, about the wonderful thing that happened Tuesday night when Kuryakin-sensei was about to leave.

* * *

"Mister Kuryakin, wait," Setsuna said, as he was about to leave through the front door.

"Yes?" he said, as his head popped around the corner so quickly it startled her. She drew back from him suddenly. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I just sensed there was something yet to be said."

There was silence for a while. She was still working something out, but then she stirred herself and looked up at him.

"It is true … that I have long loved another," she said. _'Longer than you can possibly believe.'_

'_I understand,'_ he nodded.

"It is …," she continued, though it seemed she was really having trouble speaking, "... it is someone … that I can never … ever … have." She whispered these words with profound sadness in her voice.

"Why not?" he asked, looking convincingly sad for her.

"I can not tell you."

"Okay. Well, that's … very sad. Oh," he smiled, explaining himself, "of course, I'm … disappointed for myself. _Very_ disappointed, but I find it hard to believe there is anyone who could say 'no' to you. I do care for you, and I am truly saddened that you cannot have who you want."

'_Please don't make this harder than it has to be,'_ she thought. _'Why does he have to be such a gentleman?'_

"The man I love …" she said, then seemed to correct her self, "… The man I _loved_ … has always been the standard by which I have judged others, and I have never found his equal."

'_Loved?'_ thought Kuryakin. "He must be quite a guy. Although I wonder if you have idealized him so much, nothing could ever measure up."

Then Setsuna saw what she was hoping for. A faint shadow moved at the top of the stairs. Hotaru was listening, she was sure of it.

"I have never found his equal, until … a few months ago. I am not … sure of it, but you are … remarkable."

The admission was true enough on her part, and it sounded promising to him, but something …

"I have often wondered," she continued, "if I could ever accept another in his place."

"And what, if anything, did you decide?" he asked.

"_Perhaps_ I can. But … slowly? Please?"

He regarded her strangely. After considering her for half a minute, he came to decision.

"All right. Let's get Hotaru taken care of, and, in the meantime, if I understand you correctly, you are saying I may … court you?"

"Perhaps."

He too had noticed that there was someone at the top of the stairs. "Miss Meioh, you prefer openness and honesty _still_, I hope?" he asked, motioning his eyes and head toward the top of the stairs, "I don't think 'perhaps' is good enough. Do I have your permission?"

She glanced to the top of the stairs, and then back to him.

"You do."

He wanted to hope that she meant that.

"Then farewell, lovely Miss Meioh. Make sure she's there on time tomorrow," he said as he headed out the door.

"Of course," she said. "Good night, Mister Kuryakin."

* * *

As the Kittens drove Hotaru home, she sat there in a torpor of possibilities. Setsuna-momma had done it. She had, it seemed, found a way to make peace between Duty and Desire. She, of all people, had a boyfriend, and possibly more. Strange though the connection seemed, it was by this that Hotaru began to hope things she never dared hope before. Her thoughts were whirling kaleidoscope of dreams that all seemed within easiest grasp. As they headed up the hill to their house, her thoughts came back to that cute boy she'd helped at the hospital. She didn't really expect such things to happen, but who knew whether she might run into him again some day; the way she felt right now, all good things seemed possible. As they pulled into the driveway, she remembered how Kuryakin and Setsuna-momma had walked with her between them along this very path. Perhaps that was the day she really began hoping the two of them could be together. Anything seemed possible, though the biggest thing she hoped for was something that had only vaguely taken shape in her mind. Forced to put it into words, she hoped that, one day, her Senshi self would … be out of a job. Somehow, that hope seemed to be the sweetest fruit to fall from the tree of what her Setsuna-momma had done.

"You seem very happy today, my princess," said Haruka, as she pulled the car into the garage.

"Mmm, hmmm," Hotaru said.

Michiru was watching all this carefully, but said little.

"Oh, by the way," Haruka said as they went into the house. "That commercial I might be in? It's a go. So while I'm breaking in engines Saturday, a camera crew will be recording me. They say it'll play on Japanese TV in February and in America and Europe in March. Oh, and they've got some voiceover lines for me to say now. And I'll have to do them in several languages, too."

"That's wonderful, Haruka-poppa," said Hotaru, adding this to the list of good things that seemed to be happening lately.

"Yes, I'm very proud of you, Haruka," said Michiru, who beamed momentarily, but she seemed strange and distant over the last few days, and quickly went back to that. Hotaru noticed and wondered if she was 'sensing something.'

"Well," Haruka said, modestly enough, "the first woman to win Dakar does count for something in the celebrity department, I suppose."

In fact, it had counted for a great deal. She had turned down countless interview requests for two reasons: one, winning the race was a big deal, but as far as she was concerned, the fact she was a woman who'd won it wasn't. Two, she also knew the dangers of too much attention where their secret identities were concerned. In the few interviews she _had_ to do – Toyota wouldn't let her off the hook- she tried to come off as humble and self-effacing. This had only gotten her branded as reclusive and stand-offish in the press, but she didn't mind at all, as it added to her aura of cool and mystery.

Hotaru went upstairs to put some things away, and when she came downstairs, she noticed Haruka doing something she'd done a lot of lately. She was sitting in front of the TV, surfing the news channels. She was about to ask Haruka about that when Setsuna came though the front door.

"Setsuna-momma!" Hotaru exclaimed and ran to hug her. Setsuna returned the hug, but awkwardly as she was carrying something.

"Hotaru," she smiled, "How did we do today?"

"I think I did very, very well."

"Very good," Setsuna said, sounding very pleased.

"Oh, what's that?" she asked.

"Oh," Setsuna said, halfheartedly, as she sat her book bag down. "That is from Mister Kuryakin." Setsuna explained that Kuryakin had gone to K.O. early that morning before Hotaru's finals and searched out her classes until he found the only one where she had an assigned seat –station actually, since it was her laboratory methods class. There, he conspired with the class's professor because he had to get over to Funabashi for Hotaru's finals. At the appointed time, the professor set a box on Setsuna's counter. When she came in, to the stares of quite a few people, she read the little note that said, "pull this string." She did so, and the container popped open revealing a beautiful music box made, appropriately enough, with box elder burl wood, lacquered and polished to a mirror finish. A single red rose bud surrounded by sprigs of heather sat inside a small, fluted crystal vase that was mounted in the center and twirled when the music played. Setsuna, embarrassed, nevertheless flipped the little lever that started the music. It played a piercingly beautiful tune that she did not recognize and was, perhaps, original. The tune was several measures long -far longer than any normal music box mechanism could play. Setsuna took a look through the glass sides and it was the usual spring driven, mechanical mechanism - not some sort of synthesized, electronic one, but it used belt, instead of a drum, for the striking pins allowing it to play an extended melody. It had two ranks of sounding pins, covering over three octaves, and with different timbres, one for the melody, and one for the arpeggiated harmonies. There was even some _rubato_ tempo in the timing. Apparently, it was something Kuryakin had designed and made himself.

"Awww," smiled Hotaru, who found this so touching she didn't even mind that he had used real flowers.

"Yes," Setsuna said, remembering how her classmates made a few "Oo, la, la," comments as her cheeks were flushing a red that even her cocoa skin couldn't cover. The professor who helped Kuryakin set this up was a woman. She congratulated Setsuna, and said he was "scarily handsome," – 'scarily' because of how tall he was. She spent the first ten minutes of lab actually reveling in this strange new feeling. It was, she admitted to herself, nice to be the center of someone's romantic attention, and though it was embarrassing when that attention was shown so publicly, it was not an unpleasant discomfiture. Not at all. But as always when it came to Hotaru's teacher, by the end of class, something inside her subtly poisoned that feeling and made her vaguely angry. Kuryakin clearly had every intention of taking her at her word about courting her, and though he was 'proceeding slowly,' he was, inexorably, 'proceeding.' She thought he had … understood.

Hotaru had heard Setsuna-momma say, "slowly, please," and was sure the Kuryakin-sensei would be accommodating. All the same, she kept her eyes open for events like this and, to her great delight, they were starting to happen. She was watching a real, live love story that she had a big part in, unfolding before her and Michiru's warnings were lost in her belief that somehow 'this must be.' Still, Hotaru couldn't help but notice that the strange ambivalence, which she thought would disappear now that Setsuna had accepted him, hadn't gone away. It was more noticeable than ever. One other thing she noticed during the rest of the evening was how Michiru was taking occasional glances at Setsuna, as though she were trying to read her thoughts.

'_Am I missing something?'_ Hotaru wondered.

That evening, after Hotaru went to bed, Kuryakin dropped by and Setsuna, caught a bit off guard by this, agreed to take a walk with him. He was careful not to push things. Not once did he even try to take her hand, or touch her in any way. They walked down to that lookout point, and took in the scenic view for a few minutes. She thanked him for the music box, and she found out that the tune was original. In fact, it was something that he had come up with as part of a symphonic suite he was writing. He had started it over two years ago, and it was nearly done. The melody she'd inspired was going to be the completion of the third piece in the four movement suite. She was flattered by this, despite herself. When they came back, he played the music box while he described the instrumentation he would be using, as Haruka and Michiru quietly listened in from the next room. After he left, Setsuna realized that, as with nearly everything else, he was good at courting, too: not merely at the form, but at the substance. He was … getting to her, and it was then she first began to realize she was going to have to 'do something' much sooner than she'd planned.

* * *

The next day Hotaru found Haruka-poppa sitting exactly where she'd left her last night: in front of the TV watching the news. She also had her laptop computer with her, her wireless connection up and running, and she was scribbling things in a notebook. Michiru had just come down. She went over and sat down next to her.

"Haruka," she asked, "you've been doing this off and on for over two weeks now. What's up? Are you sensing something?"

"Yes, and no," Haruka replied. "It's probably nothing, but … well, maybe we aren't always going to get the kind of warnings we've had in the past. Maybe we're going to have to learn to anticipate trouble in new ways."

"What do you mean?" asked Michiru.

"Hmm, how to put this?" Haruka said, looking up at the ceiling. "In the past, we have been confronted with what I'll call 'spectacular evils'. Evils so 'big' that we can sense their approach. But now we may be facing something much more subtle. And yes, I do sense something, but it's so vague, I can't even tell if it's bad or not."

"Haruka," said Michiru casually. "You are very … surprising to me these days."

"In what way?"

"You're such a reflective, thoughtful person lately."

"Michiru, I have always been thoughtful. Remember how long I tried to evade who I was? By the way, I have come to a conclusion," she said, as she looked at the TV screen.

"What's that, Haruka?"

"Japanese TV is boring as hell."

Michiru laughed, and even Setsuna, who was beginning breakfast, smiled. Then her smile faded as she heard Hotaru, in the next room, activating the little music box and playing that little tune. She wondered what romantic surprises awaited her today? Somehow, yesterday's gesture, which seemed profoundly touching at the time, now seemed vapid. She was not looking forward to any new expressions of Mister Kuryakin's ardor. As she finished cooking the eggs, Haruka started surfing the internet, since none of the channels seemed to be showing whatever it was she was looking for. A quaint little commercial came on asking the guys if they were ready for "the big night." "The Big Night" was Christmas Eve, which in Japan was more like Valentine's Day. Just loud enough for Setsuna to overhear, Michiru asked Haruka if she had anything planned for them. Haruka merely smiled –_'never you mind'_- and wrote more things in her notebook. As they gathered at the table for breakfast, Michiru mentioned to Hotaru that Kuryakin-sensei had been there last night after Hotaru had gone to bed. She brought it up to see how Setsuna would react when Hotaru, inevitably, would want to know how it went, and Setsuna would have to recount at least some of the details. If Setsuna was on to Michiru's little game, she played it slyly, suggesting, in so many words, that she was not the kind to kiss and tell.

Just before they left, the phone rang. It was Kuryakin. Hotaru had passed all her finals with flying colors- except for physical education, but as before, her level of performance was more than enough to pass, and she'd done better than she ever had. That evening he called, and had a long chat with Setsuna.

* * *

Saturday morning everyone was up bright and early. It was a given that Michiru would be at the race track for however long Haruka had to be there. But Hotaru was very eager to come, and while racing was not something that Setsuna enjoyed at all, she seemed very eager to come as well. Haruka warned them that it might actually be very boring for them, but both insisted. Haruka ate light but drank a great deal of coffee and some energy drinks. They headed off to the Fuji International Speedway at 8:15 and arrived about 9:40. Setsuna had to get some school work done, so she brought her laptop, but Hotaru wasn't about to miss a minute of this. Haruka went down to the track to meet the people who would be filming the commercial. The director was an American, though most of the film crew was Japanese. He explained to Haruka that the concept for the commercial had changed, and that she would doing a bit of everything, including some drifting at the nearby Drifting Track. Haruka said she wished she had known about it sooner, so she could have gotten in some practice, but she was up for it. That she would be paid even more for the work didn't hurt either.

They started shooting right away. Hotaru and Michiru cheered as Haruka went through her paces, though Michiru was not exactly the rah-rah sort, and Hotaru managed to out-shout her. Setsuna did manage to watch a bit of it, and was as in to it as she could be considering she did not enjoy this kind of thing much. Haruka drove a Formula One car for a while. During one lap, she did a hard, near hairpin turn without looking, as she blew a kiss toward her audience. The director looked at his camera man with an anxious grin and said, "Oh yeah baby, tell me we got that!" as the nearest cameraman nodded effusively. Haruka then switched to a NASCAR type vehicle, using the same track even though it was for Formula One racing. After three and a half hours of this, they took a break for lunch. Michiru and Hotaru chatted with her about it as she ate the sandwiches Michiru brought along. Setsuna didn't participate much, and looked pretty bored. This didn't surprise Haruka in the least, though Hotaru began to wonder why she had come at all. Surely, she and her suitor could have found something more fun for her to do on a Saturday.

After another two hours of speedway driving, they all went over to the drift driving track. This was even more fun to watch as it amounted to stunt driving which, given the short notice, Haruka did surprisingly well. On any track, she was in her element and definitely a prodigy in every form of racing. For the last shot of the day, the crew sprayed a puddle of water on to the track, and she did a four wheel drift turn through it, laying out a perfect fan of splashing water and sliding into a whirling stop mere inches from the remote camera. Hotaru applauded. Michiru looked very proud. Even Setsuna caught it, and nodded affirmingly at the expertise needed to pull off such a maneuver without hitting the camera. Afterward, the director told Haruka that he had been filming these kinds of commercials for over a decade now and that last stunt was a turn worthy Keiichi Tsuchiya, the motorsport "Drift King" himself. They talked a bit longer and the director assured her they had more than enough footage of her driving to do the commercial. The only thing left was for her to come in and do the voice-overs for it. They agreed that next Saturday would be the best time to do that, and the director handed her the scripts for the various languages, so she could practice during the coming week.

On the way home, Hotaru was curious enough to ask Setsuna why she didn't stay home and do something with Mister Kuryakin. Setsuna explained that she had mentioned to him what they were doing today. He sounded impressed that 'Tomboy Kitten' was going to be in a commercial. She had suggested that if he wished he could come and watch, it would be fine with everyone involved, but he had a prior commitment and would be busy all weekend. When they crossed the Aqua-line, Michiru surprised everyone by telling Haruka to take them to the Camellia Restaurant at the Okura Akademia Park Hotel, where she was going to buy everyone dinner to celebrate Haruka's good fortune. When they got home, the rich meal and the tedious, if exciting, day had them all ready for an early bedtime.

* * *

Everyone was tired the next day, especially Haruka, who slept in. Setsuna tried to get some work done, and succeeded, but when she had finished, she thought the day might have been better spent taking it easy. Kuryakin called her that afternoon, and they had a very pleasant talk, as far as Hotaru could tell. In fact, for her part, the call was a welcome distraction. In the matter of courting her, Kuryakin was, of course, itching to do more, and when Hotaru secretly called him Sunday night, they set up something special. He told her he'd need a day to get everything, so they laid it on for Tuesday night - which was perfect since Hotaru thought of that as 'their one week anniversary.'

Monday morning, when Setsuna came down to start breakfast, she heard someone suddenly hang up the phone in the kitchen. Hotaru, who now sat at the table smiling innocently, was the only one there.

"Good morning, Setsuna-momma."

"Good morning, Hotaru."

Setsuna sighed inwardly. Something must be up. She began making breakfast but was tired and distracted. Four times in the night she had awakened. She was sure she had been dreaming, but as before could not remember the dreams. After breakfast, everyone headed to school, and Hotaru accompanied Haruka and Michiru for the day. She wanted to get started on some history books Kuryakin-sensei recommended she read. He had gone so far as to translate one of them for her, so he must have thought that one was really important. In any event, Hotaru would have plenty to keep her occupied. Throughout her classes that day, Setsuna was as listless as she'd been at breakfast. Saturday must have been a bigger drain on her than she thought. She really should have gotten some rest Sunday. _'Or perhaps it is merely the change of seasons and the shorter daylight hours getting to me,'_ she mused, as she decided to skip her last class of the day and head straight home. The others wouldn't be home for at least an hour so she stretched out on the couch. She was hoping that that no one would mind having take-out for dinner tonight, as she dozed off.

Two hours later, she awoke with a start. She had just had a dream, and this time she remembered it. She was standing in a very alien, but transcendently beautiful place. To her immediate left were the walls of some sort of edifice -a castle maybe or a cathedral- of gleaming white with impossibly high spires, through the hollows of which the wind echoed and occasionally seem to generate an almost musical sound. She stood on a cobbled floor of the same white material that, in true dreaming fashion, seemed to blend into the sky not too far away from her. Except where the edifice interrupted it, all around her was a sky filled with stars and streaked in that deep purple of the night, and she could hear the waves of an ocean she could not see crashing on a shore. She was in a flowing gown of white that blended perfectly into the white cobble stone. In fact, she almost looked like a beautiful flower that had arisen out of it. She could sense that she was waiting for someone to come and dance with her. Indeed, the longer it took, the more she longed for that person to come, and when the sound of the wind resolved into an ethereal waltz-like tune, someone did appear. He was masked, and wearing a formal suit –not a tuxedo- but something from before the tuxedo had been invented. As the person came up to her, she bowed and he held out a white gloved hand. The music was in a 6/4 time, good enough for waltzing.

As they began to dance, a child's voice joined in the music, singing a beautiful descant above the main melody. She danced haltingly at first, but eventually, her movements synched perfectly and she began to hope that the man behind the mask was the one person she longed for. By the time the music was about to end, and the person was about to remove his mask, she was flooded with warmth for she was certain it was _him._ Then, with that sinking feeling one only feels when a dream begins to go badly wrong, the mask came off. It wasn't _him_. Nor could she tell if it was the one she feared it might be were it not him. There was nothing there, no hint of who she was dreaming about: no face, no eyes, no mouth, just a black emptiness that began spreading out from that un-face, down the suit and its cloak, down the trousers to the floor, and from thence it turned everything black. The child's voice faded away, almost like a guttering candle flaming out. Then the wind stopped, the seas were silenced, the white edifice was blackened, and the stars went out one by one. It was then that she awoke, and something happened that rarely did. She began crying as the words "I can not, I must not, I must never," went round and round in her head.

She only cried for a minute or so, and in any case, she had to stop because she heard Haruka's car pulling into the driveway. She quickly recovered her composure, but when everyone came in, she told them that she needed to get some rest, and asked them to have dinner out or delivered. Haruka said that was no problem. She too was still recovering from Saturday's exertions, and though she was the one who'd done all the work, she noticed that Michiru was also listless today. She said that Saturday it felt like everyone was expending a great deal of energy pulling for her success.

"Yes," said Setsuna, "perhaps we did."

Hotaru asked if she was all right as she headed up the stairs. She nodded, and came back down to hug her. She quickly readied herself for bed, and sat reading a journal. As she drifted off into sleep, she hoped that she would have no more such dreams, and as she fell into unconsciousness, once again that odd wish that Peter Kuryakin had called her tonight was the last thing she knew.

He did call, but by that time, Setsuna was asleep, and it was really Hotaru he needed to talk to anyway. Everything had arrived, and was ready for Tuesday night.

* * *

The extra sleep did Setsuna a world of good. The troubling dream from yesterday seemed mostly a matter of a tired mind. If it had meant anything at all, she had decided it meant that the thing she'd determined to do either today or tomorrow was probably the right course of action. So far as she knew, she did not have any other dreams during the night. As she went through the day's classes, she rehearsed various ways of 'doing it' as gently as possible. She owed him that at least. She did not dislike him. Quite the opposite. Any time she could keep him at a distance - as with the phone calls, she liked him very much. When he was a real and unpredictable person in her presence … that was different. Still, she thought she ought to do it face-to-face, and wondered where to have him to meet her. As the sun was setting on this Tuesday night in the second week of December, and she walked down the driveway to their house, she was certain she would be able to do it without too much difficulty.

She was wrong. When she opened the door to the house, caught the smell of dinner being cooked, and saw a tall silhouette moving around in the kitchen, her heart sank. Hotaru had done it again. She'd left her key to the house where he could find it, so he snuck in around three that afternoon, and even Haruka and Michiru were caught by surprise. Hotaru met her at the door. There was a part of Setsuna that wanted to scream bloody murder at this point, yet it was held in rigid check by the fact that Hotaru was dressed up in the most adorable little maid outfit.

"Good evening, Miss Meioh," she said very formally, as though Setsuna had just arrived at some elegant manor for dinner with a lord and lady. "Please allow me to take your things, and then I will show you to your table."

The kitchen table had been removed and a smaller more intimate one had take its place. Everything was done in the finest style, lace table cloth, fancy napkins, three stick candelabra, the works. Despite the attempt at formality, Hotaru clearly reveled in describing just how much trouble Chef Kuryakin had gone to for the evening's menu. At some expense, he'd had fresh White King Salmon flown in with some Alaskan King Crab to make crab-stuffed salmon. The risotto and braised, sliced avocado sat on a warming tray next the salmon. Dessert was a Sacher Torte next day aired from Vienna. Gourmet coffee sat percolating off to one side. The wine was a 'mystery' blush that had been decanted into an unmarked bottle.

'_Why did he have to be so good at everything?'_ Setsuna thought, as she sat at the table, inwardly fuming.

Once she and Kuryakin had been served, Hotaru carried dinner for Haruka and Michiru to the upstairs living room, where she would join them, so Setsuna and Kuryakin could be alone. But not before she mentioned Christmas Eve was a mere two weeks away.

"She has quite a bit to learn about subtlety," Kuryakin chuckled after she had gone.

"Indeed," Setsuna mused. "Well then, shall we?"

The light hearted beginning aside, Kuryakin was watching Setsuna very closely during dinner. Very little was said. The meal was as good as any as she'd ever had even in the best restaurants. Setsuna was pretty hungry, and ate with an enthusiasm tempered only by what she still fully intended to do when the meal was over. Only once did her determination waver. It was, oddly, when she took her first sip of the wine. It was a particularly interesting taste, and one she couldn't quite place. One usually serves a dry or semi-dry white wine with seafood. The dry was there, but without compromising it in the least, there was a sweetness that was vibrant but it did not overwhelm the taste of the meal in any way. It was a different kind of sweetness, there and unmistakable, but … simply there. The more of it she drank the more curious the effect became. It was, as one would expect, intoxicating, but somehow it sharpened rather than dulled. As she finished the main course, he rose to get her coffee and a slice of the Sacher-Torte.

"Miss Meioh, have you ever had one of these before?"

"No," she replied.

"Well, some people say that the Sacher-Torte looks better than it tastes. Unlike American confections, it has not been drowned in sugar. The chocolate has quite a bite to it, which personally I like. It is definitely meant to be had with coffee though. It's also very good with champagne. Now that I think of it, I wish I'd brought some."

Here again one of those strange thoughts popped into Setsuna's head. _'Why not go get that bottle of Hennessy Grande Haruka had gotten her for her birthday?'_ She quickly burst that balloon, too. Mister Kuryakin's very interesting wine already had enough of an effect on her.

"I am certain it will be delicious," Setsuna said, as he sat the cake and coffee in front of her. "This has been a most excellent meal. You … do things so well."

"You really think so?"

"Yes," she said, unable to stop the sad look on her face. Setsuna thought over the situation. The man was in love with her, and falling deeper still. He always gave of his best, and Hotaru was proof enough that it didn't matter whether he was courting someone or 'just trying to help.' She sighed inwardly. He had no intention of going away … on his own. This was not unexpected, and even a bit flattering, but … She remembered how he too had noticed Hotaru was listening in on them last Tuesday before he left. When he forced her to either explicitly give or deny him permission to court her, she wondered if he knew _exactly_ what she was doing. If he didn't, then he had merely intended for her to speak loudly enough to put Hotaru's mind at ease, or to plainly reject him –which may have had consequences for Hotaru the next day. The real worry was if he had understood. If so, he apparently intended to take her at her word until she finally told the truth. And what was the truth?

* * *

Hotaru sat humming a little tune as she surfed the internet on Haruka-poppa's laptop. She had gotten out of her maid costume, and finished dinner. She didn't care much for the braised avocado, but the salmon and the risotto were very tasty, and though she had tea instead of coffee, the Sacher-Torte was just right. Haruka and Michiru were still eating. Initially, they both dug in, but the quality of the food compelled them to slow down and savor each bite.

"I have to admit this is very good," said Michiru.

"Restaurant quality, and this wine is quite good," said Haruka, as she tossed off the rest of her glass.

"Yes," said Michiru, as she got up, "before we have desert, I want another glass."

"Hmm, get me another too, will you?"

* * *

The truth was Setsuna did feel something for him. Sometimes it was so strong it nearly overwhelmed her millennium of learned restraint and self-discipline. He was good. Maybe, 'perfect.' Perfect for her. And he was getting to her, getting too close, too close to her, to Hotaru, even, in some strange way, to "the Kittens," – too close to … everything. All these things were true. But the final truth was that she was never going to have anyone. That was what the dream meant. Any attempt to alter that fundamental fact of her existence would bring down everything and …

Finally he spoke.

"Miss Meioh, if you're still interested, I am prepared tonight to honor our bargain."

"Our bargain?"

"Yes, I am prepared to tell you the whole and unadulterated truth about me. If you're interested," he reiterated.

Apparently, she wasn't.

"I had thought you … understood what I was doing last Tuesday," she said, quietly after a pause.

"Oh?" he said, sighing. "And what were you doing, Miss Meioh?"

When she didn't answer right away, he amended the question.

"Perhaps I should ask what is it _you think_ you were doing?"

"I was making sure that Hotaru succeeded, and that we accomplished what we meant to the day we hired you."

"Hotaru's grades came in Friday morning. What do you _think_ you were you doing after that?"

"So you did understand, Mister Kuryakin."

"Miss Meioh, I am never going to believe that you don't feel something for me."

"I do not."

"Then why didn't you end it Friday night?"

"Hotaru wants to see us together. But I think she'll understand …"

"… if it just didn't work out. So you wanted to play it out for a while and hoped I'd behave myself and then after an appropriate amount of time … It was a fine deception, Miss Meioh. Except, I don't believe you, that is, -and forgive my arrogance, I don't think, deep down, you really know how you feel."

The conversation, as always with him, was not going the way she wanted it to. And as always, it angered her.

"Why did _you_ go along with it?"

"Two reasons," he said, "for Hotaru, and because sometimes people become the thing they are pretending to be. Or realize they already are."

And had this gone on much longer, he might well have been right. She had to end this, now.

"Mister Kuryakin, I am sorry to be so blunt," she said, turning away from him, "but it was not you I was thinking of the night you kissed me."

She had said it evenly and firmly. And it was a lie. She knew it was a lie, and she was momentarily terrified to think he may have known it too. She was also surprised at how much it was hurting her to say these things.

"Look me in eyes and say that again."

She turned, and began summoning the strength to do it, but the look on his face said that he would not believe her as loudly as if he'd said it audibly. She wavered, and wondered now whether he would ever give up, if she would ever be rid of him. Still, she had said enough to make it plain she did not want him no matter how she may have really felt.

He turned and walked out.

After she heard him drive away, she went to the door and looked out. She sighed, and again took note of how much this was hurting. In all her dealings with time and space, there was always a feeling that the 'winds of history' were at her back. No matter how hard, even Machiavellian, the task, she could reconcile herself to it, because the overall goal, the teleology of what she knew must be, was being fulfilled by her actions. Tonight that feeling was gone. Gone as if it had never existed. She shuddered a little at the thought. Then she put it aside, and went to the kitchen to clean up. As she did, she wondered what happened to that bottle of wine.


	21. Chapter 06 Part 5

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 6 – This Is How We Fight**

**(Part 5)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

**Faust:** ... What to all of mankind is apportioned

I mean to savor in my own self's core,

Grasp with my mind both highest and most low,

Weigh down my spirit with their weal and woe.

**Mephisto:** Oh, take my word, who for millennia past

Has had this rocky fare to chomp,

That from his first breath to his last

No man digests that ancient sourdough lump!

Believe the likes of us; the whole

Is made but for a god's delight!

**Goethe's Faust**

--

"Pragmatism is great in theory, but it doesn't work in practice."

– **Sidney Morgenbesser **

--

"Beautiful, this suffering in the moment of destruction."

**-Sailor Saturn, Infinity Arc (Manga) **

* * *

_**A/N:**__ I'm finally getting to post the stuff I've been looking forward to posting. There are many other takes on these characters, and only their creator, Naoko Takeuchi, can judge who is right, but this is how I see them, and I hope you will begin to see why I find them so very intriguing, and why I think this story worth telling. Enjoy, if you can. _

* * *

It took Hotaru only two days to realize what had happened. She noticed that Kuryakin had, apparently, left very suddenly. She tried to call him the next day, and got no answer, so she left a message. He did not return it. She tried again Thursday. Nothing. She thought of a roundabout way to bring it up. Friday morning, as they finished eating their breakfast, she came right out and asked.

"Setsuna-momma."

"Yes, Hotaru?"

"When are you and Mister Kuryakin going out next?"

Setsuna wasn't quite sure how to answer this. She was hoping, against hope it seemed, that Hotaru would not _notice_ for a bit longer. It was a sign of just how much she had emotionally invested in this that she so closely 'monitored the situation.' Strangely, Michiru intervened.

"Hotaru, come upstairs with me, please."

Haruka looked at her with surprise, as did Setsuna.

"Yes, Michiru-momma."

They entered her and Haruka's bedroom. She sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. Hotaru jumped up and settled in.

"Let Setsuna be for a while."

"Why?" Hotaru said after a pause. "It doesn't seem to be bothering too her much."

"That's because she hides things so well."

"I really want to know what happened."

"It's really not your business."

"It was her, not him, I'm sure of it," she said, not really listening to Michiru.

"Hotaru, you did your part. You brought them together. It just didn't work out, that's all."

"You mean, they spent a lot of time together and decided they weren't compatible?"

"Yes."

"That's not true. She spent as little time with him as she thought she could get away with. She was just pretending. Leading him on, I think it's called. Because of me, I guess."

"Oh goodness, you are quick, little princess," Michiru said with a sigh. "I did warn you about this. I'm afraid this sort of thing is always going to be a troubled story with us. The truth is, even among the Inner Planet Senshi, this doesn't go smoothly either. They all act boy crazy, and they mean it, as much as they can, but none of them –except for Usagi, of course- would know a long term relationship if it jumped and kicked them. None of them really has anyone either. They're really rather childish, where as we were 'born old' as they say."

"Childish or 'born old,' it doesn't seem to make any difference one way or the other. Except for the Princess, and you and Haruka-poppa, I guess we are all doomed in this regard. So," she added moodily, "I guess there's no point in asking if he can teach me until April."

"Hotaru, I'm not going to try and tell you how you should feel, but you should consider that you might have to forget about him."

Her eyes misted at the thought of that.

"Why?"

To Hotaru it was a terrible thought to begin with, made the more so by how it revealed that Michiru-momma apparently didn't understand at all how she was feeling. Hotaru herself hadn't quite understood it either, but that was a cold thing to say.

"Setsuna was … very firm about it."

"You saw it happen, didn't you?"

"Heard it, yes. When I went down to get some more of that remarkable wine. And I know that it was difficult for her to do."

Hotaru was looking more disconsolate by the minute.

"I know these last four months were a fine time for you," Michiru continued, sensing she needed to apologize for something. "It was nice having someone kind and thoughtful fretting over you like that."

Hotaru thought for a few moments about that. "You've always done that."

"Well, I mean …"

"You mean _a man_ doing that?"

"That, and he was an outsider, yes."

"That was the nicest part. He wasn't obligated in any way. I mean he was, but it wasn't just a job to him. I'm sure it wasn't."

"Yes, I know that for a fact," said Michiru.

"I caused this. If he's hurting, it's my fault."

"Of course he's hurting. It would have happened sooner or later, even without any help on your part. He is very much in love with her, and … well, I did warn you," said Michiru, very maternally.

"No. If he'd done it in his own good time, it might have worked," Hotaru said glumly.

"Hindsight is always perfect, eh? I really doubt the outcome would have been any different."

"I'm sure that Setsuna-momma felt something for him."

"I think you're right."

"And it didn't matter one bit in the end," she said, as an unbidden tear trickled down her cheek.

There was a knock at the door of the bedroom.

"Michiru? Hotaru?" Haruka's voice called through the door. "It's time to go."

* * *

As Hotaru followed Haruka and Michiru around school, she was trying to piece together what, exactly, happened and wondering how she felt about it. The longer she thought on it, the less pleasant the answer became. It was when they passed the room where she had taken her written tests that the sense of foreboding that had been all but annihilated in the last four months sprang upon her like a panther on a lamb. Fear, a bit of anger, her own love for her teacher, her certainty that Setsuna was, in some way, denying herself and the unresolved 'why' of it all combined in her mind, and gave birth to this resolution:

Tonight, the Cold Look was going to get a real workout.

On the way home from Funabashi Academy, Michiru noticed she had a message from a music store in Kisarazu where she had taken her violin bow for restringing. They were nearly home but the message said her bow was ready. Always loathe to have her violin or any part of it out of her keeping one minute longer than necessary, she asked Haruka to turn around. As Haruka checked the traffic to make the turn, Hotaru asked if they could take her home first.

"Are you sure?" Haruka asked. "What if we take you to Choeki's Bakery for a strawberry treacle tart?"

"I'd just rather go home, but … thank you, Haruka-poppa."

They dropped her off and she went inside.

"I wonder if leaving her alone like this is a good idea, just now," said Michiru as they headed back down the driveway.

"We'll come straight back, but the music store is only two blocks from the bakery. I'll run get her a tart while you check the work on your bow."

When Setsuna got home, Hotaru was sitting in the receiving room, listening to that music box Kuryakin had given her. As she stood at the door putting her jacket up in the closet, she sighed. On the whole, she actually had a pretty good day at the university. For the first time in three days, there were moments where she had actually been able to forget Kuryakin-san completely. Well, almost anyway. That melody instantly resurrected everything she'd begun to bury. She went into the kitchen to start dinner, or actually to finish it, since tonight was going to be leftovers night, and she had only to reheat everything. After tolerating two more iterations of the tune, she said, "Hotaru, please put that away, and go wash up for dinner." Hotaru said nothing, but complied. Ten minutes later Setsuna called to her.

"Hotaru, dinner is ready."

She came down the stairs, sat in her chair, and looked straight ahead. Setsuna brought her some of the casserole, and poured her a glass of lime soda. Outside, Haruka and Michiru were pulling into the driveway. They had taken only forty minutes to complete their errand, but as they came in, an argument was underway. It had started simply enough. Setsuna noted Hotaru's moodiness. She easily guessed what it was about, and decided it would be best to get it out in the open.

"Hotaru, please talk with me. Tell me of your thoughts."

She did, and it quickly and unexpectedly escalated. Neither of them had gotten loud –yet- but it was such a shock, they might as well have been screaming at the tops of their lungs.

"You have very strong feelings for him …"

"… I do not …"

" … and you used him, and you hurt him. And you did it willingly. "

"No," said Setsuna, calmly enough for the moment, "that is not true. I did not do it happily, which is what you really mean."

"Oh? Well, if you did not do it happily, then it must be because you _do_ feel something for him."

Setsuna took a deep, calming breath, and said, "Hotaru, I did what was necessary to see you through those tests, and to complete the purpose for which we let him teach you in the first place."

"Don't try to hide what you did behind me. You hurt him and I'm ashamed of the part I played in it. And I am ashamed of you. Of us all," she added, for Michiru and Haruka were standing in the door way. "We just use people; we've even used each other. We must really think we're something."

'Oh boy,' mouthed Haruka to Michiru. Whatever part Kuryakin-san and Setsuna's feelings for him might have played in all this, it was clear that Hotaru had long been pondering all the great existential questions concerning the Sailor Senshi: duty, destiny, methods, outcomes, everything was about to come under scrutiny. Hotaru's time with Kuryakin may have brought it out, but neither of "The Kittens" could blame him, since it would have come out sooner or later. This was shaping up to be an interesting next few minutes.

"Hotaru, you are being unfair."

"Our princess is 'that which embraces all things,'" she continued, undeterred. Everything she'd been thinking all afternoon was going to come out. "We, on the other hand, are really quite cold and snobbish. We love only what we want to, and tolerate only where we have no choice. I've never in my life, met someone - who wasn't one of us- that cared more about me than about himself. He was in love with you the moment he saw you. He even accepted me, without reservation, though he knew I was going to be trouble. He didn't need our money. I believe now he would have taught me for free, except that would have been too obvious of him. I can't believe you couldn't see what a good man he was."

"I could see it, yes," Setsuna admitted. _'Where is all this coming from?' _she wondered. It wouldn't be the last time she would ask that question this evening.

"That just makes what you've done all the more … ugly. How cold of you. We're all so cold. I am the called the Soldier of Silence, of Death and Rebirth. It sounds all cool and mighty. I even thought there was beauty in the suffering at the moment of destruction. I suppose there is, but there's no getting around how it is like the beauty of a woman dying in childbirth, desperately, even hopelessly, trying to give birth to something better. It is love unmitigated, dying before you very eyes; the glory in the sacrifice: that is the beauty in the suffering at the moment of destruction. The only good thing about me is that in using my power, I had to go down with whomever I was destroying, so at least I avoided the hypocrisy of destroying worlds from a safe distance. You went down with me, the last time - the last two times really. Remember how that hurt?"

Haruka and Michiru looked down at the floor. Regarding "the last time," they were never glad to remember _that_. They had done the best they knew, and they had suffered, too, and died, but the failure, the futility, of that feigned betrayal was something they could never live down, even though Pluto and Saturn had truly forgiven it as "the way we fight." As Sailor Starfighter had noticed, only the faith that if they failed somehow Sailor Moon would still win the day had given them the courage to try it. None of that made it any less painful.

"Why do we see threats everywhere? Y'know what our real transformation is? When we become ourselves again, instead of these weapons we're made to be. That's what we are, living weapons always watching for the next great battle. When all you are is a weapon, everything looks like a war and everyone looks like an enemy. Or just something else you use to achieve your ends. It's one thing to do that in a desperate fight. It's another to do that in a peaceable time to someone who never did any harm. The Inner Senshi have it right. A weapon is something you lay aside as soon as you safely can. They know that good has to be lived and enjoyed as well as defended. You can have your unrequited love, keep fulfillment at bay for all time and feel all tragic if you want. You want tragic? Up until now, the only time I ever awaken is when something must be ended, and me along with it. I've never lived. Now that's tragic. Perhaps it's good that we don't have much to do with the Inner Senshi, or with her. We might mess them up."

"Hotaru," Setsuna said, urgently and even desperately. "Where is all this coming from? What is wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong. I know what I really am now, what we all are. We're the sacrificial lambs. We are expendable. We aren't allowed to get too close to anything or we might not be able to 'do what is necessary.' Y'know what I am? I am the Self Destruct Mechanism, the Doomsday Weapon, and the Destroyer of the Invalid Old. I know now. The Moon Kingdom had a tiny flaw at its heart. I don't know what exactly, but I'm sure there was something and I'll figure it out. When Reality finally revealed the flaw, I was summoned, and dropped the Glaive. Queen Serenity may not have known it. Or maybe she did. But I know why she gave her life: so that something better could be born."

Hotaru was getting a very focused and impenetrable look on her face.

"Has it? Is this better? There was no choice, but still, she should have never let us be born on this earth. Not us Outer Senshi anyway. We've been isolated and at our posts too long. We see the light of our queen and princess, but we were too far away to feel any warmth. We don't even know what it feels like or how to feel anymore. But now I've lived, and felt the warmth, and it's good. I'll do my duty when the time comes, but I'm never going back out into the cold. I want to live, and love, and dream, and drink the cups of sorrow and joy down to the bottom. And the next time I do my duty, I want to do it having felt everything there is to feel, even the worst things: every pain, every crushed hope, every broken heart, every pang of death. I will hold nothing back till my life burns out."

"Has he been teaching you these things?" Setsuna asked.

She looked very dejected now. "Not in so many words. He taught me by being who he was. You don't understand. You're still doing it. Seeing an enemy where there is none so you can justify what you've done. And you're using me to keep yourself hidden from your own heart. I know there's something there. You have no idea what a wonderful thing I've experienced over these last few months. You even saw some of it yourself, like that night at the hospital. I know what it is to be surrounded by the warmth of our Princess - by being with him. He is like her. He has the same light, the same warmth. It's different, too; active, not passive. But somehow, it's the same. Now it's over. He'll never want to see me, because to see me he'll have to remember you. Now I feel what people feel when something special to them really comes to an end."

"Hotaru …"

"I know you care for him."

"No, I do not."

"You're lying, Setsuna-momma."

"Hotaru!" she yelled, and then immediately regretted it. It was the first time she'd ever spoken in anger to her. Hotaru's thoughts had run their course. She looked at Setsuna, hurt and tearful, and quailed before this rebuke; she was indeed a very obedient girl. The deep and abiding love shown to her by all her guardians so obligated her, she felt, and yet he could not understand why Setsuna refused to admit it. Actually, she realized, she could understand. This was how Setsuna became Setsuna, putting duty before all else, even herself. It wasn't that she didn't feel something for Kuryakin-sensei; she just couldn't believe her own hopes merited any consideration in the big picture ever before her garnet eyes.

"I think he knew what I was doing, and went along with it," said Setsuna, by way of apologizing for the anger with which she'd just spoken.

"I think you're just hoping he did," she said, finding unexpected strength to reply, "so you don't have to feel any guilt over it."

"I do not feel any guilt over it."

Perhaps she didn't. Perhaps this was part of those many things that she had not yet grasped about Setsuna Meioh and her alter ego.

"If he did go along that just makes it worse," she said, sulkiness creeping back into her voice. "It means he cared so much about me he would even let you do that to him."

"I do not think he is hurt, really."

"Then you really don't see how in love with you he is."

"Then he shall have to get over it. It was necessary. You had to get through those tests. Now that is done. He is an outsider. Not one of us, nor part of us. Has nothing to do with us," Setsuna said softly and apologetically. "He was getting … too close. He is very smart. Who knows what he might have figured out? There is something strange about him and he hid it from us."

"There's something strange about us and we hid it from him."

"Of course, we did. Hotaru, you are being unreasonable here. We cannot have … " This conversation was going around in circles, Setsuna realized. Really, it was about one thing, and one thing only. She went to her, turned her chair out and put her hands on Hotaru's shoulders.

"Hotaru, listen to me. I … I am never, ever going to have anyone that way. It is my destiny, my duty. I am proud of my duty. It is the meaning of my life. Not everyone gets someone like that. Some of us just do without."

"That's so sad," Hotaru whispered, as once again her own heart ached with the realization of how beautiful Setsuna-momma was, and she wondered how much greater the effect had been on Kuryakin.

"Sadness is our natural state. There has never been a happiness that wasn't tinged with it."

"Really? You see everything, the sadness and the happiness. Why is the sadness always so real, and the happiness always the illusion? Just because it's not permanent? I'm the Senshi of Death and I'm not that morbid."

"Happiness is fragile," Setsuna said. "More fragile than you can imagine. It has be guarded so very carefully and with our utmost determination."

"Even if it means some of us will never know happiness?"

"For the common good, yes."

"What good is a common good, if not everyone can taste of it?"

"It is my choice to make, Hotaru."

Hotaru had said everything she wanted to say, and everything she had been thinking that afternoon. She had sounded bitterer than she meant to, but in that moment, it was the truth as she saw it. Now, though, she felt badly and wanted to take back the bitterness. "It's okay. I still love you, Setsuna-momma, because I really want to, more than ever. That's my choice to make. And you need it now, more than ever. You … were very wrong."

"Hotaru, where are you going?" Setsuna asked as Hotaru pushed her way past.

'_That's it,'_ Hotaru thought, as she all but ran upstairs. _'This is about our tragic destinies. Is there no hope for us, no way to avoid it? Are we the sacrificial lambs, who must live in continual death, so that utopia can come? Oh Queen, did you give us these tasks, knowing we would never taste of the rewards for ourselves? Is that why we were kept far away, lest we hoped for more than you and your beautiful light could ever deliver? If so, I will obey. But is there no higher court of appeal? Oh, please, someone, anyone, isn't there something more? I don't care about myself. Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma have each other, but please, for my Setsuna-momma, is there nothing more?'_

She threw herself into her bed, and quietly sobbed.

* * *

Haruka and Michiru sat down at the table, while Setsuna returned to her seat looking very pensive. There was something now between her and Hotaru. Worse too, there was now something between her and … her unrequited love. Henceforth, she was never going to be able to think of Endymion without thinking of Kuryakin. By every practical measure, she was sure she had done the right thing. He had even admitted after a fashion that she was right, and he had meant it. It was the best thing for Hotaru. He had even placed Hotaru's need before his own very strong feelings for Setsuna.

"Where did all that come from?" Setsuna wondered. Some of the things Hotaru had said hit closer to the mark than she was comfortable with.

"How wise she's grown," said Michiru, who was starting to look a bit despondent herself. "She's like a volcano. She goes along, simmering and brooding, and then _boom_. It must be hard on her. She's really facing the great struggle we all face now. Her mind has raced so far ahead of her heart and her body, that as … _ahem_ … Mister Kuryakin predicted at the dolphinarium- this was bound to happen. She said nothing that we all haven't thought at one time or another. Or am I wrong?"

Kuryakin had said much the same thing to Setsuna, but admitting anything to do with him was the last thing she wanted to do now. She was livid at the man, and the way he had insinuated himself into their ordered lives.

"Not that it was ever in doubt," said Haruka, who listened to this with a knowing smile hidden behind her pensive pose, "but she's definitely one of us."

"This is all his _fault," _Setsuna fumed.

"Fault? I'm not necessarily imparting blame here."

"I am. I blame myself first of all. That was a mistake from the beginning and I knew it."

"She was being a bit harsh," Haruka said. "She just really bonded with this teacher and she doesn't understand why her plan to get you two together didn't work. She'll be okay, soon."

"Bonded? Never have I seen such a crush," said Setsuna.

'_Oh really?'_ thought Michiru, chuckling inside. If only half the things Hotaru had noticed were true, there was something going on there no matter how much she denied it.

"Well," said Haruka, "I wouldn't say it's a crush exactly, but some kind of bonding was pretty much inevitable. You know how it works with foreign teachers. In the school system, they purposely put girls with guy teachers and vice versa. And she was his only student, the center of attention. It was his job to think about her, night and day, really."

"If you knew this was going to happen," asked Setsuna with some consternation, "why did you not say something at the beginning?"

"Because I didn't see it as a bad thing. Michiru said he was trustworthy. That was good enough for me. Besides, you knew it would happen too, didn't you?"

"In the abstract, I suppose, yes. I only went along with it because Miyuki-chan was sure he could help her."

"And he hasn't?" countered Haruka. "In some ways, it's been wonderful for her. She's sharper than ever. She's even stronger physically. Look how she expressed herself with your birthday gift. Look at how she's growing. She's becoming who he is. Just because that's causing problems for us – or for you, really - doesn't make it a bad thing."

"Besides," said Michiru, "she's not the only one who has some sort of crush on him."

"What has made you believe this of me?" Setsuna asked.

"I didn't say it was you," replied Michiru.

'_Now watch this, Haruka'_ she winked to her lover.

"Oh? Yes, of course, it must be Haruka you are speaking of. How silly of me. You two shall make a wonderful couple."

Michiru and Haruka simply looked at each other and shook their heads.

"She really doesn't know," said Haruka. "It's so cute."

"You'd think she would. She notices everything about everyone else."

"It's so girlish, …"

" … so starry eyed,"

"… so teeny bopper,"

"… so _romantic_ of her."

"It's terribly cute," they said together.

"Please cease speaking of me as if I am not here."

Both of them smiled at her.

"Ah," said Michiru, with great wistfulness, "Setsuna Meioh in love. What is the universe coming to?"

"I always wondered what it would look like. Who knew it would be so … interesting?"

"No," Setsuna said firmly, "you could not be deeper in error."

"Oy," said Haruka, "this is more serious than we thought. She must be completely out of her mind for him."

Setsuna shook her head in exasperation. Michiru became very serious.

"Setsuna, think about how you've been acting for the last four months."

"In what way have I acted uncharacteristically?"

Haruka chuckled wickedly, which for her was the equivalent bursting out in peals of laughter.

"Hotaru's first day with him?" she began, "That evening you talked with him on the phone for an hour and ten minutes."

"One hour, nine minutes and fourteen seconds."

"Oh, 46 seconds," Haruka smiled, "that makes all the difference, silly us … Setsuna, you have never, in my hearing, spent more than five minutes on the phone with anyone."

"You make jokes now, you hum little tunes now and then," said Michiru.

"You tailed him," said Haruka, as Michiru chuckled and shook her head, "I can't _believe_ you actually did that. You were obsessed with finding out everything you could about the guy …"

"He could be a threat …"

"Setsuna," Michiru said with finality, "in the last four months there were times, a few, but there were times where you seemed … happy. Really, honest-to-God, not-a-care-in-the-world, fly-me-to-the-moon happy."

Finally, she was seeing herself as everyone else had seen her these last four months. She was shocked.

"Very well. I understand how might have given the mistaken impression that I … I …," she paused, sighed and then gave in. "I admit that I feel something for him. He is kind, and smart, and very likeable. He is strange, and handsome, in his way. And yes," she said, her eyes misting, "that night he kissed me was the sweetest thing I've ever known. But I am … never going to have anyone that way. I can not. Too much has been put on me and I must remain true to it. I must."

"I thought that's how you'd feel."

"But the fact remains," Haruka said, "you led the guy on, for Hotaru's sake, yes, but … maybe he didn't deserve that."

"I am reasonably sure he knew what I was doing."

"Possibly. But even so, it looks like he had really fallen for you, and doubt that makes it any less painful," Haruka said. "So that's probably why Hotaru is so upset. She's mad that you weren't honest about it, and even madder that you used it like something … to be thrown away."

"And she's mad," Michiru continued, "because he won't be. He's …"

"… too good a guy," Haruka, said completing the thought. "… and he's too in love with you."

"Haruka," Michiru said, looking a bit shocked, "you are just full of surprises these days."

"Just being honest," she shrugged. "I admit it. I think it's nice that he's in love with you. He seems pretty self-contained. Like you. And then one look at a pretty face and suddenly he feels … incomplete. Yes, Michiru, he is a good guy. If he weren't a guy, and so brainy, I would almost say Hotaru is right. He does share certain aura with _her_. Funny that. Uncanny really. I try to dislike him. He was kind of a jerk to me at the fish pond, so I shouldn't have had any trouble disliking him, but somehow … I couldn't stay mad at him. Not for two minutes. Maybe you are hiding from something, Setsuna, and hiding behind her. I don't know of course. Anyway, I say too much now. It's not my business, and I don't handle this stuff well." Haruka got up to leave.

"That is the point Hotaru seemed to be making," said Setsuna.

"This is this, and that is that," she smiled. "I don't like butting in to anyone's personal life like this, but the point Hotaru was making was that you may have felt something genuine, but you didn't like where it was taking you, and you used it –quite ruthlessly- both to deceive him and manipulate her, and protect yourself from it in the process. IOW, you wrecked it on purpose. _That_ is what _I think_ she was saying." Haruka winked at her.

"I never protect myself. I was protecting our Princess, and her future. That is the only thing I protect, and the only thing I am interested in protecting."

"Yes, yes. That guy is such a threat to our Princess."

"He might be."

"Oy, oy, I'm the biggest xenophobe here. I just don't see it. You think too much. You've always been the most introspective of us."

"Of course, I spend much time thinking," said Setsuna. "I have had plenty of time for that. For most of my existence, that is all I have had. Hotaru should be glad she has not had so much of it. I _am_ proud of my duty. It _was_ an honor to be trusted with it. It is hard, and that is why I am so proud to be the one to bear it. We must always be vigilant."

"Yes, we are what we are, and this is how we fight," said Haruka reflexively. "We're always more or less _at war_. And that's why you used someone –very effectively - and then slammed the door. Sometimes hard decisions have to be made. That's our job. We aren't the kind to second-guess ourselves."

"And that, too … is the point Hotaru was making."

"That's what I'm saying," Haruka smiled, as though she'd finally made the point she wanted to, and then she left the room. "I'm going to bed now."

She left, and went upstairs, but before going into her bedroom, she stopped and looked in on Hotaru. Hotaru probably didn't want anyone to bother her just now, and she would honor that by not speaking unless spoken to first. Hotaru was facing away from her, and as she approached her, she curled up tightly as if to say, "buzz off." Not one to be deterred though, Haruka sat down on the bed beside her, and stroked the littlest Senshi's hair for a minute.

'_Oh Hotaru, my kitten, my princess, you're growing up. There are … compensations, but it's not all it's cracked up to be, is it?'_

She leaned over, kissed her and left.

Back downstairs, Michiru was very pensive. Levity notwithstanding, this had been a strange few minutes, and it was leaving an increasingly sour taste in her mouth. She had suspected what Setsuna was doing even before she'd overheard that conversation. She felt very sad when she heard it. She wanted to be wrong about that. Aside from how Haruka had amazed her by nearly everything she'd just said, Setsuna had just shown the tiniest flash of the inner struggles her task as a Senshi had imposed upon her all those eons. Michiru couldn't think of one time that had ever happened. Setsuna was a rock when it came to the hardships of her duty. She did not doubt for a minute that Setsuna was proud to bear her duty and that it gave her life a meaning more important than happiness. She did it so well, with such grace, no one ever thought to wonder just what price she was paying. But then, they all projected-intentionally- such an aura of cool, no one ever seemed to think they were paying any price, or ever bothered to care what price any of Outer Planet Senshi were paying, really. There are things that do not bear close scrutiny; that was happening now, in spades. Hotaru was the one who brought it on.

"Setsuna," she asked, "Did you love Endymion simply because he was forbidden?"

"Of course not. Even in my youth, I was not such a fool to fall for such silliness."

"Let me rephrase that. Did you continue to love him because he was forbidden?"

"I loved him because I love him," she said, with a sigh. "I was all alone and sometimes he would come and visit. The queen knew. She even sent him. I think she felt sorry for me. She can not bear to be alone, and she must think no one else can bear it either. In a way, I think she was showing her trust in me. Or her trust in him. She had so much, and all I had was my duty. She could afford to be 'generous.' I guess she was 'sharing' him with me, a little. I know how things must be. That settles it. In its place, I have had to accept other loves. Small Lady, and now Hotaru."

"Destroyer of the Invalid Old, huh? There's no denying the effect Kuryakin-san has had on her. But she's passed her tests. She'll start Funabashi Academy with us next term. What's done is done."

"This is not so melodramatic as 'what is done is done' makes it sound," said Setsuna defensively.

"Perhaps not to you. Give her a few days to work this out. She'll be all right. However the goal was accomplished, it has been accomplished. All's well that ends … or … something."

"I shall retire now."

"That's probably a good idea."

* * *

Thirty minutes later Setsuna was brushing out her hair, a fifteen minute process that, like her job, gave her plenty of time for reflection on the day's events. "The Destroyer of the Invalid Old," that was what she'd said. Where had she heard that phrase? And then she remembered: Kuryakin-san's lecture. He had used that phrase when a member of the audience asked a question about the influence of Greek thought on European History. In the concise and very opinionated discourse that followed, she remembered hearing him say "…whereas I, along with Kierkegaard, see Socrates as primarily an ironist, and a destroyer of the invalid old." She couldn't help it anymore. She was beginning loathe the man. Ten minutes later, she repented that, because where is guilt, we come to hate the person we've wronged, because their very existence reminds us of our guilt. Setsuna understood this as well or better than anyone. She would not fall into that trap. She had no reason to feel guilt she told herself. She was in some fashion Hotaru's mother. What would any mother worthy of the name _not_ do for the sake of her child? She had done nothing wrong.

Haruka was propped up reading a book, but her mind was drifting. It had, indeed, been an interesting evening. Eventually, her thoughts came around to why Michiru was taking so long in the bathroom. There was never any formal arrangement -so little between them really required any words- but Michiru always used the bathroom connected to the bedroom as her own, while Haruka often used the separate bath down the hall. If Michiru wasn't using 'her bathroom,' Haruka was free to use it, and would often just wait her out rather than …

She heard the sound of the hair dryer stop and then the sound of someone slumping to the floor.

"Michiru?!" she called as she quickly got out of bed. Haruka opened the bathroom door and saw Michiru sitting on the floor. Her expression was desolate.

"Haruka …"

"What's wrong, Michiru?" she asked as she crouched down to look her in the eye.

"Just hold me. Please."

Haruka saw her hairbrush in the corner. She must have been drying her hair out in front of the vanity. Haruka wrapped her arms around her. Michiru never cried outwardly, but Haruka could tell she was 'weeping on the inside.' From time to time, even the toughness of the Outer Planet Senshi had its limits, especially when they had to look at themselves in the mirror. After a while, she calmed down.

"I killed her, Haruka. It was my blast that took her star seed. I've never really felt it until now. I think tonight we saw just a glimpse of how much Setsuna has suffered. And the thought that 'I killed her' suddenly overwhelmed me. Do you remember the pain in their faces when …"

"Yes," Haruka said dismally as she closed her eyes for a moment. "I remember."

"One more futile, thankless, pointless death for each of us," Michiru shuddered. "No wonder Hotaru is having such trouble. Our choices are always so hard. Why us, why do we …?"

"I'm here, Michiru," Haruka said very tenderly into her ear.

"I'm sorry. We're supposed to be stronger than this," she whispered.

"Contrary to what some might think, we're not machines. It's all right, Mi-chan. We can show weakness, as long as it's to each other."

"Exactly, Haruka, we have each other. But they aren't like us, neither of them. What do they have, when – as you said- only through love does anything matter?"

"So you were pulling for _him_, too?"

"I don't know. But I do know I was pulling for Hotaru, … and Setsuna. They are so closely linked."

"So that's why you've been down lately. You could feel what she was doing, couldn't you? Dear, beautiful Michi … I know you're a little upset right now," she continued, "but … this is a really nice moment for me."

Michiru's breathing still shuddered from the inward sobbing, but otherwise she remained silent. Haruka turned Michiru's face to her own, and smiled that confident, little smirk.

"I know I do a lot of boyish things, and I have a man's heart, but … I really am a woman, and sometimes, to be a woman is to be very insecure. So … it's nice to know that you really do need me."

"Of course, I need you. So, … does this mean that you'll stop flirting with other girls?"

Pause.

"No."

Michiru giggled, then Haruka looked at her very matter-of-factly.

"Michiru, I think it's time you told me what you saw in your talisman."

She did.

"Weird," said Haruka pensively. "What do you think it means?"

Michiru stood up.

"It means that we hope _she_ knows what _she's_ doing. He … this … all of it, has _her_ blessing. So you and I let this play out, no matter how it goes. No matter what."

"Okay."


	22. Chapter 07 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

**Chapter 7 –Bloody Sunday**

**(Part 1)**

"Yes, man is mortal but that would be only half the trouble.

The worst of it is that he's sometimes _unexpectedly_ mortal –there's the trick!"

**- Woland _(the Devil)_**

**- Mikhail Bulgakov's _The Master and Margarita_**

* * *

"Believe us, this Whole

was made only for a God

who is to be found in an eternal Splendor.

He brought us into the darkness,

and what you get is only day and night."

- **Mephisto, Goethe's Faust**

* * *

_For love is as strong as death,_

_and its jealousy is as enduring as the grave. _

_Love flashes like fire, the very fire of God. _

_Many waters cannot quench love; _

_neither can rivers drown it._

_- _**The Song of Songs**

* * *

We shall not cease from exploration  
And the end of all our exploring  
Will be to arrive where we started  
And know the place for the first time.

**- T.S. Eliot**

* * *

The Steinway Model D Concert Grand Piano sitting in studio _Juku-PK_ was a mighty thing with a mighty sound. Tomorrow it would be going into storage. Tonight, about the time Hotaru and Setsuna were finishing up their 'discussion,' its 230 strings, under a combined tension of nearly 30 tons, groaned under the pounding they were taking. The _ossia cadenza_ from the first movement of Rachmaninov's Third Piano Concerto had plenty of notes to hit, and Peter Kuryakin was hammering every one _con tutta forza_. He'd broken two of the upper register strings already and was going for a third, hopefully in the middle register. He'd not yet been able to break one of those, even in his many years of practice and the occasional performance. He had started at the beginning. The brooding, very Russian melody in the minor mode suited his present mood perfectly. The subsequent _agitato_ passages suited its turbulence. The rising and falling, the double and triple _fortes_, the leaping cascades of notes, all flowed untrammeled from his hands, but when he got to the final run of the cadenza there was a discordant crash of missed notes all the way down. He sat there frozen, and insofar as music was concerned, his concentration lay in a broken heap at the bass register of the keyboard. His right hand began aimlessly tracing out a melody while he pondered the situation. Then he shut the lid of the piano with more force than was strictly necessary as he realized he was playing the much detested "I Will Wait for You" from The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

She had quite gotten to him, Miss Meioh had? He did love her and wouldn't abide being angry with her, but it was hard just now. Taking it out on the piano had not helped. He would simply have to bear it himself. Having seen a little of her deepest heart, and knowing well the type of hardships she had suffered, he wished never to speak to her except with words, tender and quiet, of comfort and edification. In fact, he ought to have been happy about the whole matter. In a backhanded way, that exquisite woman had solved a problem for him. In the immediate, his heart burned with passion for her, more than ever, but he now saw that in the grand scheme of things she had taught him something important: he could go home now. There was nothing between him and the place he was once so alienated from. There was nothing, really, to keep him here in this place that marked by far the farthest point of his wanderings.

He ought to go home. He hadn't seen his family in a long time. He and they had been at odds after 'the tragedy,' but it wouldn't do for that to go on one moment longer than necessary. He was mostly in the wrong and knew it from the beginning. To his parents, he was their first born of the much heralded, much anticipated seventh generation; to his siblings, he was the elder brother, and they revered him as such – except for the youngest half of them, whom he'd actually never met. The family had grown a bit in his absence. Anytime there was contact from them, it always ended, at first, with pleas that he come home, and then over time with requests that he at least tell them if he might ever come home, and under what circumstances. They understood how he felt as best they could, but it was never the kind of understanding in which real empathy was possible, and that was part of the problem. He did love his family, and miss them, but tonight, every time he said, "yeah, I really ought to go home," he could hear his own voice tell him that he'd be back here before he knew what was happening. There really was something to keep him here after all.

Two somethings:

That unbelievable woman …

… _and_ that amazing girl.

What was it about them that had enchanted him so? It was easier to explain in the case of the former than the latter, but there was a linkage between the two of them far stronger that that even between a biological mother and daughter, and that fascinated him most of all. They were, for want of a better term, conjoined, not unlike the way The Kittens were "one," though it was, obviously, different too. If the amazing girl had foreseen trouble and it was Miss Meioh who was in danger, Hotaru was in danger too. Surely it all had to do with that 'first thing he noticed,' the day he met them. To go home or to see it through? No one, who knew him, would ever call Peter Kuryakin a coward. In all his life, he had done only one cowardly thing, and that had been finally, conclusively, comprehensively rectified by the events of these past four months. It shouldn't be that hard a choice, but he was in love, in different ways, with them both, and it was threatening to anchor him here.

He decided to give it further thought, and there was only one place to do that. It was quite fitting 'that place' was near their house. He would make his decision in close proximity to the only two reasons to stay. Thus forty minutes later, he sat there, his van shut down and darkened, looking out over that scenic view that he first noticed the day he first drove Hotaru home, and where he and Miss Meioh had stood a week ago. By the time he'd gotten there, the choice was made. Both of them were but a few kilometers away, yet remote as the stars. He smiled at his own choice of words there, and briefly flirted with calling to see if he could speak to Hotaru at least. It just wouldn't work. No one knew better than he the dangers of interference, and of unintended consequences, but he was good at watching carefully from afar. Perhaps he could keep an eye on Hotaru that way. The decision was made, and it hinged on a single word: _'papa.'_

After Haruka had left, Hotaru got up and paced in her room. She felt really terrible. She felt selfish for what she'd said and knew none of it was quite as simple as she'd put it. Something had come to an end tonight, and it had become an occasion for thinking about her purpose and existence from the point of view of someone with something to lose, someone who was on the receiving end of … destruction. She saw as clearly as ever that something else must now be born from the ashes of this, or die in the trying. Mainly to stop pacing, she left her bedroom and, unseen, went up to the "observatory," a glass bubble atop the house that constituted the whole 'fourth floor'. Though it was really a rooftop sun room, they called it that because Hotaru kept her telescopes and other optics up there, and because, except for the wood framing, it was perfect for stargazing. The night was cool and clear, the stars shimmering. Their house was far enough away from the lights of Kisarazu to give her an excellent view of the sky above. The constellations of late fall were overhead. She always found solace in stargazing. She got out her telescope to take a look at a few of her favorite sights. To the southeast, the winter constellations did not yet dominate the sky though they were rising. Hotaru pointed her telescope to the south-southwest where Fomalhaut, the only bright star of the constellation Pisces Austrinus, was burning brightly. It was a blue-white star but always had such a beautifully subtle orange-red hue around it because its light shown through a substantial circumstellar disc. Hotaru always thought of it as 'the loneliest star' since it was, from the terrestrial perspective, in a very sparse and uninteresting part of the sky. She turned the scope eastward and glanced at a few other celestial objects of interest. Then her thoughts turned gladly to getting ready for bed. It had been a miserable day.

She was about to put the telescope away when she saw the glimmer of headlights on the nearby road to their house. Traffic was usually very light at night, and there was an occasional car or two, especially when teenage lovers, usually of a well-to-do sort, wanted to park at that scenic view spot down the road. She smiled slyly, and thought to take a little peek. The vehicle came to a stop and she zoomed in it. It was a minivan. Dark though it was, and upside down in the lens, she recognized it at once. Her heart leapt. Was he coming to see her, or thinking of it at least? Maybe he's thinking things over, she mused. He said it reminded him of a special place. All thoughts of getting ready for bed vanished at once. She ran back down to her room, and put on a jacket. In the time it took her to figure the best way out of their big house without being seen, Hotaru was out the door and on her way through the woods between their house and the highway.

She ran through the darkness as fast as she dared. Dead branches on the ground and living branches in the trees clawed at her as she did. She didn't even notice. She had to get there before he drove off. An image in her mind of futilely running after his retreating vehicle, hollering his name, was, strangely, one of the worst fears she'd ever experienced. She missed him, badly. She made it to the edge of the woods, and he was still there. She crossed the highway, and ran the rest of the way, thumping hard, breathlessly, and very suddenly against the hood of the van.

"What the …?! Hotaru-kun!" came Kuryakin's muffled voice from inside the van. "What are you doing here?" he said as he opened the front passenger door.

"What are _you_ doing here?" she said, breathing hard. "Were you coming to see me?"

"I … No. No, I'm sorry. I wasn't," he said, as he started the van. "We've got to get you back home right now. Hopefully before they've noticed you're gone."

"No, wait. I want to talk to you," she said pleadingly, as he grabbed the gear selector. "It may be the last chance I get."

Kuryakin closed his eyes, dropped his head and sighed. It was hard to say 'no' to her.

"Okay, but you're shivering, so let's keep the heater running," he smiled. "So then, why is this 'the last chance'?"

"She's really angry. At you."

"Is she?" he said, unable to prevent a slight edge of mordancy in his words.

"So why are you here?" Hotaru asked again.

"As I mentioned, this view reminds me of another place, a very important place. How did you know I was here?"

"I can see this spot through the trees from the top floor of the house. See, right through there?" she said, pointing. "I was stargazing with my telescope, and I saw the headlights of your van. I saw you park here, so I took a look. When I saw it was you, I came straight here. I've … missed you," she said shyly.

"You came through there? That explains why you're all scuffed up," he said, while she started brushing herself off. "I didn't realize. Usually, I notice everything … I must be slipping. I generally know when I'm being watched, even from a distance, as Miss Meioh found out. I've missed you too, Hotaru-kun. I really have, but you shouldn't have come here, all alone, at night. What if you'd fallen and hurt yourself? And it'll look bad when I have to take you back. It'll look like we were up to something. I really need to take you back right away, before they realize you're gone."

"I'll walk back," Hotaru said.

"No. It's too cold out. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you. I'll get you to the driveway. You walk the rest of the way," he said, reaching again for the gear selector.

"Wait, no, please!" she pleaded. "I need to talk to you. I did something terrible."

"We're both going to be in big trouble. What's up?"

Then she told as much as she thought she could of her row with Miss Meioh. He sank deep into thought for a couple of minutes.

"You defended me?" he said with a charmed expression on his face. "Against the person you care about the most. Amazing. I love your name, Hotaru-kun. Do you know why?"

She shook her head.

"It fits you, perfectly. That's exactly what you are: a little light, flickering against a great darkness. Small but pure, and thus, impossible to miss, dancing in the air, a beacon in a dark place. A place that, to me, is in twilight even during noon in high summer."

Hotaru quieted her mind. She could feel it. He was going to open up to her. She was about to get answers to the questions she had long wanted to ask, but didn't because she simply enjoyed being around him so much and didn't want to do anything to mess it up.

"People here say that light needs darkness in order to be known. It's nonsense. Very plausible, very human nonsense, but nonsense. I know of a place where there's a … a light - imagine this, Hotaru-kun, - a Light that goes where even the light of the sun cannot go. In it, there is no darkness."

"Why would you … leave such a place?" she asked. She was gaining confidence to ask anything, and he'd been prepared to tell his story since the night she snuck him into the house to make them all dinner.

"Something happened, and I had to leave. For a time. You might say there was something between me and that Light. But now that's over. I can go home anytime."

"Are you going to go … home?"

"I was thinking about it, just before I met you. I was pretty definite about it, but now, it's clear to me there's one little problem."

'_What?'_ her expression begged.

"I am in love with your … Setsuna-momma. Madly. And … I want to know what happens to you. I _have_ to know. The night I heard your voice … y'know, there's something haunting, plaintive, and musical about it … like a song on the wind. Then I heard you laugh and I knew there was something special about you. I knew I had to meet you. I could tell something strange would come from it all, but I didn't know why until a few days ago. Hotaru-kun, this is going to sound crazy, but I've been looking for someone for a long, long time. Only thing it, until the other night, I didn't even remember I'd been looking. Now, I think you're who I've been looking for."

"I don't understand."

"Well, since this is _the last time_ I'll get to see you," he said archly, "can I tell you a story?"

She nodded.

"No," he said rather sternly, "I mean it. I want your explicit permission, because this story could change your life. Don't say 'yes' lightly."

She feigned deliberation for an appropriate length of time, and then said "yes." Whatever the story was, she was dying to hear it.

"Okay. There's this … guy I know. He was a real goof. Good heart, by all accounts, but clumsy, lackadaisical, bit of a slowpoke. When he was very young, he fell in love with this girl. A woman, really, she was a little older than him. She was something. Far better than him, but he was too slow to know it."

She smiled. This sounded like a good story. "What was she like?"

"Like you, a little. And a lot like … Dr. Mizuno," he said, shaking his head. "She had the same spirit as her, too. Hardworking, but seriously good and kind."

"Did she return his affection?"

"She did. So, this clueless guy was very happy. He courted her for a while, and then he got this crazy idea that she might just be willing to marry him. He asked. She said 'yes.' The guy was very happy. About eight months later they got married. He was happier than ever. A month or so later, she was pregnant, and then as things went along, they found out it was going to be a little girl. And they were both so happy. She told him so, many times. And then, shortly after that …"

He paused and Hotaru sensed the difficult turn the story was about to take by the way his face darkened, and the élan left his voice.

"… he lost her. Lost them both."

"How?" she whispered.

"Doesn't matter. They were gone. Just like that."

But her expression begged for an answer.

"Killed in an … attack. She was the daughter of a notable man. He was on a mission – an ambassage, of sorts - and, even though she was close to term, she went with him because she was very gifted with languages. He died, too. Only a few of us were killed that day. But they were among the dead. That's what was so hard, so shocking about it. It had been a long time since any of …"

He smiled. He needed to be more careful here. Hotaru, of course, felt the strangeness in what he was saying, but somehow it didn't matter. Even on the face of it, it was interesting, and she strongly suspected there was much more to it than that. Yet, they could have been talking about a baseball game for all that mattered.

"… well, anyway."

"And … he … this guy … wasn't there?"

"No. He couldn't protect her. Couldn't die with her. Couldn't say good bye. Nothing."

"So what happened to … him?"

"He grew up," Kuryakin said very evenly as he raised himself up in the driver's seat. Then his voice softened again and, leaning into the steering wheel, he continued: "He mourned her for a long time, wandered aimlessly, like a wounded animal. One night, he really came to the end of things. He wished he could die, so he could go be with her. Then, in a delirium, brought on by self-neglect and malnutrition, he had a vision. It happened in a place that looks just like this. It's uncanny, how closely this place resembles it. Anyway, in the vision, she came to him. She told him …"

Finally, with a sigh, he threw off any pretense about whom he was speaking.

"… she told _me_ that she loved me. She said that I'd had made her happier than I could possibly know. She meant that. I made her _that_ happy. I have no idea how. Then she begged me to let go of her, and to go out and become what I was meant to be. I didn't know what that meant. I tried. I did what she said. I … became what I was supposed to be, I guess. I've been doing that ever since. I'm the only one who could have done it, really. I am very good at it, now."

"What is it you do?" she jumped in.

"I can't tell you that."

She frowned.

"Maybe someday, I can," he said placatively. "I don't know. In time, maybe I can tell you everything. Anyway, I see now, even after all this time, I still hadn't let go. Do you know what an _eidolon _is?"

"It's an … idol, a false image, a … _simulacrum_, I think is the word."

"Close enough," he smiled. "It's been a great pleasure teaching you. I learned best by teaching, and you have taught me much. Yes, I made of my wife a false image. She was herself, not anything else. But I hope I did love her, truly, at least a little. That had always been enough, until I met you, and … Miss Meioh."

Hotaru gazed at him, showing in her face much of the feeling his hid so completely.

"So you did have a soul friend."

"Oh," he smiled, "she was taken from me far too soon to find that out. Most likely she was."

"That's so sad," she said, turning to look out the window. "Why do people have to die? Why does anything?"

The questions were rhetorical but Kuryakin responded anyway.

"Love is only surpassing sweet when it is given to something that can die. The secret of ultimate sweetness is bound up with the bitterness of death. Except in the hands of a very, very few, immortality is the very death of love."

She looked at him, not quite sure what to make of those statements.

"It was sweet, Hotaru-kun," he said, smiling nostalgically. "So sweet, it kept me going for seven …"

'_Years? Not centuries surely?'_ Hotaru wondered.

He smiled again, catching himself. It was so hard to keep anything from her. He felt so at ease around her and he was finally beginning to see why.

"… for so long."

Hotaru smiled.

"She must have been very special."

"More special than you may realize," he said seriously, getting back to the point of this story. "I'm not trolling for sympathy. I'm telling you this is because I had forgotten the last part until the other night. That's why I really need your permission to tell you. Are you _sure_ you want to hear this? It could change your life forever. Once I say it, there's no unsaying it."

"When I'm with you, I'm not afraid. Of anything. I can bear any feeling, any knowing, any seeing. I want to hear it all," she said.

He looked at her for several seconds, the slightest hint of tenderness in his face. "Sweet girl," he said softly. "I … you're absolutely sure? Once said, there is no …"

"You've said that already, and my answer is yes, with all my heart."

"Okay, in the dream - are you _really, really_ sure?"

She looked like she was either going to scream at him or start crying.

"All right, all right," he said, clearing his throat, "in the dream, as she turned to leave, I asked her, 'the little one? Is she with you? Where is she?' She turned, smiled very strangely at me – it was a very … holy smile – and she said, 'You'll see. You'll see.' And she was gone."

It took a moment for the uncanny feeling descending on her to trigger a realization of what he was suggesting. "You … you think _I am_ her."

"I do," he smiled. "Now you know why I'm not sure this was a good thing to tell you. I truly do not know. But when you called me 'papa' the other day, that's when I remembered the last part of the dream. I had completely forgotten it, all these years. I don't forget anything, but I never knew the child, and so over time the first part of that vision crowded out the last. Until now. What _on earth_ made you say that?"

"I don't know," she said after thinking hard. "I guess that, after the way I'd messed everything up, I just couldn't bear to see you leave … empty handed. I wanted to give you something, in exchange for all you've given me. I wanted you to know," she blushed mightily, "how much I care for you … and that I thought of you like a papa. It just felt … so right to say it."

She looked a little afraid of this realization.

"But its … what you're talking about, it's impossible," she said, "isn't it?"

"_Impossible_?" He paused for a minute and looked as if he was really thinking hard about whether to say what he was going to say next. Finally, with a long sigh that gave way to a sly ironical expression he said, "Hotaru-kun, in a world where cute, teenage girls in miniskirts and go-go boots can battle 'the forces of evil,' I don't think the word 'impossible' signifies much."

Her eyes widened in shock, but then she began to laugh.

"So you … _know_, then? Yes, you've always known."

"You can observe a lot by watching."

"You can see my planetary insignia, can't you?" she said, remembering how strangely he looked at her that first day they met.

"Even now," he said, staring at the space between her eyes. "I saw it the day I met you. Yours was not the first I'd seen though. The first time I saw something like this was in London, years ago, on an exceptionally beautiful girl with long blond hair. Fitting, as it was the sign of Venus. You're associated with Saturn in some way: a very dark association, given your mythologies; besides that, I've seen enough here and there to be getting on with. It's the little things, Hotaru-kun: the skies blackening supernaturally, weird weather patterns, or the ground shaking and I know it's not due to tectonic shift – that feels completely different – and other very small, but interesting things. It's one thing when people talk to their cats; it's another thing when the cats talk back. You should tell those others to be more careful about that. I always end up in interesting places. I'll admit that I don't have it all figured out, but I wasn't in a coma for the seven years I've lived in this vicinity."

"You shouldn't be able to remember any of that," she said, puzzled. "We have something that … takes care of that."

"Perhaps I have 'something' too. Deep calls unto deep. That is why I know that you," he said, firmly "are _tainted_, like me. I could tell from the moment I heard your voice that your life has seen its share of trouble and sorrow. I hope you can tell me about it sometime."

"I will. Right now," she said, her expression determined. "I can tell you everything. Because you have no fear and you won't quit being my friend. I'm tired of keeping secrets. They only chain us to our fate. Destiny is a word people use to cover up the terror that comes with the power to choose. I'm sick of 'destiny.' As I am now, I was born thirteen years ago …"

* * *

"Haruka! Michiru!" Setsuna called as she rushed into their room. "Hotaru is gone!"

"What?" Haruka said jumping out of bed.

"She is not in her room," Setsuna said, somewhat breathlessly. "She is not anywhere I have checked."

"Have you checked the whole house?"

"Not all of it."

"Let's go."

* * *

Hotaru told Kuryakin all that had happened in her life. She explained the fire that took her mother's life, and gravely injured her, how her father tried to stitch her body together again using cybernetics and his radical genetics research, and how after that she was but a living death; that her body was mostly machine; how she was a social outcast, suffered from debilitating seizures and profound periods of amnesia in which – she found out later – she had become unnaturally strong and violent and had hurt people, how the closest thing she had to a mother was the evil witch, Kaolinite, how her father seemed possessed, mad, and getting madder.

"We died that day, Kuryakin-sensei. After that, the only good thing that happened to me, was … meeting my _anam cara_ …"

She explained about Chibi-Usa, about how the rest of the Outer Planet Senshi recognized that she might be the Senshi of Ruin. She told of how "The Invader from the Tau Nebula" sought to take this world, how she fought back against the Invader's Harbinger, the terrible Mistress Nine who had possessed her, how she saved her _anam cara_ and awoke as Sailor Saturn, the Senshi of Destruction. She told of how the other Outer Planet Senshi, rightfully fearing the return of the Soldier of Ruin, tried "to seal her away." She did not have to mention that this meant killing her, knowing intuitively he would grasp what that meant. Then she spoke with no small amount of wonder of how Usagi Tsukino and her friends befriended her and tried to protect her from them.

"Huh," muttered Kuryakin, "and now you _live_ with them?"

"It does take a bit of explaining," she said amusedly.

"Please do."

She explained how she'd fought off the Invader, though she had begun to destroy the world in the process, and then, with relief and wonder in her voice, she told of how Sailor Moon came into the fight, and saved her and the whole world. The subsequent events were even more interesting to him: how she began again as a baby whole in body, her rapid growth spurts, how she reawakened as Sailor Saturn during the Elysian crisis, how she awoke the other Outer Senshi and was now allied with them, Nehellenia's brief return after being driven from Elysium, and how a mere eight months ago, she had died at the hands of Sailor Uranus in the desperate and ultimately futile ruse to stop Galaxia.

'_It could actually be possible,'_ he thought, after hearing this. _'Thérèse, were you that powerful?'_

Objectively, the most interesting, of-the-moment things to Kuryakin were when she explained that she was literally reborn as a baby, and how Sailor Moon drove Chaos back into "the place it belongs, in the minds of everyone." As she continued to tell her tale, Kuryakin's expression descended in to near disbelief at just how many and how terrible were the things that had happened to this girl. By the time she was done, his hand was to his brow as he shook his head in stunned amazement at the little girl's resilience.

"Hotaru-kun," he said slowly, after a minute or so of letting it all sink in, "in the last few months there have been moments where I just wanted to pick you up, and hug you, and tell you that everything would be okay, and that I would protect you from anything. Now I know why. You have had a terrible life."

"I'm not trolling for sympathy either," she said shyly. "It hasn't been all bad. I like my life now. It's fairly normal these days. Beside," she said with a shy smile, "I feel like you've been hugging me from the moment we met. You remind me of my soul friend in some ways. You're not afraid of me. You do nice things for me, sweet things, kind things that make me feel loved. You've treated me like a person, a confidant, even an equal. You've made me feel like I'm not worthless."

Then her brow furrowed as she said, "You really think I could be … someone else? You'd think I would know about it."

"I know of no way to prove it," he said, firmly. "All I know is what I feel, and have felt, whenever I was around you. It is, I suppose, something I am beginning to take on faith. Maybe in the end, the perception is all that matters. My heart is toward you, Hotaru-kun. I have to know what happens to you. I _have_ to _know_."

She smiled.

"There are similarities that make me wonder though. You've been able to accomplish 'awakenings' for yourself and others. My wife could do that too. She was a little bit older than me. She awoke things in me, even before she died, and if you really are of her, you … well, I don't know. It seems very farfetched, even for all the things I've seen. But from what you've said, you have, literally, been reborn as a baby. If by some miracle you are her, then _she_ must have sent you somehow, perhaps as … she … lay dying. She was very pure of heart. When someone like that makes a wish with all her being … I dunno. Maybe that's why I've always wanted to come here. I knew that something … that someone, was waiting for me here. Now that I've gotten it out in the open, I don't think it even matters anymore. As you say, secrets are like chains. No, definitely," he said, as though he'd made some kind of decision. "I doesn't matter if it's true or not. I'd feel just the same. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I'll see you again soon. But right now, I'd better get you home, and then … I have to be alone for a bit."

"You're pretty hurt, aren't you?"

"To love at all is put yourself at risk, that is, to put yourself in the power of another. I willingly gave Miss Meioh that power over me. She used it. I wonder, though, at how pain seems magnified here. All pain hurts, but people here must have a strange fondness for it. Otherwise, there wouldn't be so much of it. Perhaps it's some kind of martyr complex. They think it makes them all tragic and heroic, so they milk it for all it's worth. I'm taking it harder than I thought, and I'm a little worried about it."

"Kuryakin-sensei, you could just say 'yes, I'm hurt.'"

He chuckled. "Don't blame her for this."

"You're being too kind," she said moodily. "I can't help it just now."

"You can't force these … 'matters of the heart,' Hotaru-kun. What if you were secretly pining for someone, and one of your guardians tried to set you up with someone else? You'd resist it. Her heart is her own. Miss Meioh is puzzling to me … aside from being a tall, dark, beautiful goddess I have desperately longed to seize in my arms from the moment I saw her."

Hotaru blushed a bit hearing him talk of her Setsuna-momma so matter-of-fact passionately, but she loved hearing it, too. In their respective ways, they both clearly saw the same things in her. "You could see her insignia, too," she said, as she began to laugh. "It's just so funny that you knew all along. The whole point of hiring you was so I wouldn't have to go to any special doctors who might figure out who I am."

"So, just to clarify," he said with a bit of a smirk, "the point of hiring me was to solve your problem without anyone, who didn't already know who you were, finding out?"

She nodded.

"Worked then, didn't it? Sort of," he smiled, as she laughed some more. "You're called the _Sailor Senshi (Warriors)_, right?"

Hotaru nodded.

"Truthfully, I don't know a whole lot. I've seen those others from afar. I hadn't realized Ami Mizuno was one of them, until I was reacquainted with her at the dolphinarium. She wasn't one when back when she went to my cram school. Quite a change in her. I didn't know you four, exactly, but I had been poking around. It is funny that one day, out of the blue, you all walked right up to me. Didn't see that coming. And I sure didn't expect everything that's happened since."

"I wondered if you hadn't stared at Setsuna-momma a bit too long. It wasn't just because you could see her insignia, was it?"

"Your insignias aren't the only thing I can see, but no, that's not why I was staring at her. I didn't even see her sign until we were sitting down. I was too busy seeing everything else. She's so … anyway. She, then, is associated with Pluto in some way. Another very dark association, but even so, I know she is a good woman, and I love her. I suppose she has duties of some sort, and her own hopes. These are the things that give her life meaning. I interfered with that."

"That day she called to tell she'd be staying late at school, and was going to have dinner with one of her professors? Drove you nuts, didn't it?"

"Heh," he said, feigning collapse, "Yes, it did. Hotaru-kun, I've been running on very little sleep the last four months. She has thrown me off in every way."

"You've nothing to worry about there," Hotaru said loftily. "Later on, that professor made a pass at her. He's her college guidance advisor and she was _not_ _happy_ about it."

"Really?" he said. "Well, now you know why. She's been pining for someone else."

"I know who it is. She can never have him. She _knows_ that," Hotaru replied sulkily, as they got back to the point. It was amazing how easily she accepted this grave breach of secrecy. Just as he had known from the beginning, she knew now he had always known that he knew.

"Yes, I believe you and her. There must be some reason she continues to hold out hope."

"That's what's making me so mad," she interrupted, moodily. "You're … perfect for her. She deserves a little happiness. Why can't she do what you've done, and accept someone else in place of … "

"That's saying too much, Hotaru-kun. How can you know what perfect is for her? She must have her reasons, you can be sure of it. A woman like her probably has more reasons than we can know. You and I both were walking in a minefield, and we set off a few. I think she's unsettled, pretty badly now. That's why I walked away from her the other night. Nothing could be accomplished by unsettling her any further."

"But maybe that's what she needs," Hotaru mused.

"Tough call for _anyone but her_ to make," he retorted. "Love is a wonderful thing. It's also a terrible thing, a jealous, zealous thing. All the _better_ poetry understands that:

_Love is sharper than stones or sticks;_

_Lone as the sea, and deeper blue;_

_Loud in the night as a clock that ticks;_

_Longer-lived than the Wandering Jew._

_Show me a love was done and through,_

_Tell me a kiss escaped its debt!_

_Son, to your death you'll pay your due -_

_Women and elephants never forget._

Hotaru smiled. "Who was that?"

"Dorothy Parker, the Ballad of Unfortunate Mammals. Y'know," he said wistfully, "the night I kissed her I did give her every chance to pull away, but in the end, I couldn't stop. It could be she is holding on to an impossible hope as a kind of insulation against something. Just a thought. Try to see it from her point of view before you judge too harshly. You should try to help her. She's a very good person. She loves you."

"Are you going to give up?"

"Of course not, Hotaru-kun. I've made my choice. I've got to stick with it to the bitter end. Irrevocability is what puts the romance in romantic. There's a dearth of romance in this world because so many people quit when the going gets rough. I'm no quitter. Not anymore, anyway."

"You're the strongest person I've ever seen," Hotaru smiled, wanting to encourage him.

"Hotaru-kun, after what I've heard, I feel the same way about you. So," he said with emphasis as he put the van in gear, "when I take you back home now, I ask you to show some of that strength. Even if you're right, you need to apologize – to everyone. It sounds like you were a little too brutally honest, even if I agree with you about 'fate' being nothing but a trap. Whatever happens, we never know the whole story. You need their forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an option. It is life."

Hotaru smiled at that. "If Usagi-chan were a bit better with words, I bet she'd say the same thing."

"This Usagi-chan sounds like a very interesting person."

"She is and she isn't. It's funny how she is. You do make me think of her in a lot of ways," she laughed. "If you ever meet her, you'll know why the comparison is so funny."

"Hmmm," Kuryakin said, eying her warily, "have you told me of her on purpose?"

"Maybe. Deeps calls unto deep."

"She'd be that Sailor Moon, then. I wish I'd found you … sooner," he sighed. "If you're who I think you are or not, you have a purpose here.

"I know my purpose, and it's a terrible one."

"Well, Warrior of Ruin, perhaps it only looks that way right now. There may be a time where you will see the other side of it."

"I've seen the other side of it," Hotaru sighed. "What I _want_ to see is the end of it."

"And that," he smiled, "is exactly why you are not bad. I'm sure of it. Whatever has happened to you, and what whatever will, whatever you've _done_, and whatever you _will_ do, never doubt that."

"So how can you see these things? Where are you from? Really?" asked Hotaru as she took note that they were moving, but he was driving very slowly. He had missed her something fierce, and she had missed him too. Both knew this had to be brief –Miss Meioh and Kittens must be out of their minds- yet neither wanted it to end.

"You've told me many things. You probably shouldn't have. I am grateful for it," he said. "I promise you I will guard your secrets with my very life. But the experiences of my life have given me a profound respect for unintended consequences. I can't tell you that much about me, just yet. Let me think it over. I'm not at my best right now, but … in time, I'll try to reciprocate."

"After all the strange things I've told you," she said quizzically, "what could possibly be so strange and complicated about you that you can't tell me?"

"What, indeed."

"Please don't give up on her," she pleaded.

"I won't, but it's not up to me. As Miss Meioh herself has shown me, there can come a point where it is foolishness to keep holding on. There can even come a point of 'dialectical reversal', where you begin to undo the things for which you remained true in the first place.

Hotaru frowned.

"I'm pretty sure we're not there yet, so I'll see it through. I am curious though. Why does this mean so much to you? Have you had a 'seeing' about something?"

"I can't remember," she said, frustration etched into her very troubled expression. "But something about this … _sigh_ … whatever happens, I want you in my life, Kuryakin-sensei. Always."

"Then nothing will stop me," he said matter-of-factly. "_That_ I can promise. I've always completely let go of my students in the hope that I made a difference in their lives, and that in time, maybe one or two of them will realize it and remember me, and call me some day to tell me how they're doing. Only a few ever have, and fewer still more than once or twice. I think you would have in any case. Makes me happy to hear you say that."

"Will you promise to check with me, before you give up?" she asked plaintively.

"I'll promise that much, yes, but you must promise me you'll apologize to them."

"I will, but maybe not tonight."

"Okay. I understand."

They were at the driveway. He turned into it, but then slowed the vehicle to a crawl.

"When she … drove you away. Did you know what she was doing?"

"I had a pretty good idea, yes," he said.

"I've thought about it and I don't think really was. There were moments when she enjoyed the feeling of 'having someone.' She may have thought that was what she was doing. She may have felt like it was her duty to deceive you … well, us, really. I think she intended to lead you on for a plausible amount of time and then try to end it amicably, but you were getting to her. You were touching her heart far more than even she had realized. So she had to end it quickly or she could not have stopped … how she felt."

"Really? That's a hopeful thought. Thank you, Hotaru-kun. I'll try to call you in a week or so. Or you can call me. You have my number. But give me a week."

She nodded.

"You really think I could be your …"

"Hotaru, I _truly_ do not know. I really shouldn't have told you, but it's very hard for me to … hold anything back from you. Anyway, don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

'_No, you won't; you've fallen far too hard for her,' _Hotaru thought as the house came into full view. _ 'And now I know what you've given up in allowing it. She won't be just fine either. I know it. I've got do something, and I can't do anything, if there is something between us. He's right. I've got to apologize. But not tonight, not yet.'_

To show good faith, he parked the van in front of the house, and honked the horn. Past her, he could see the front door of the house opening and Setsuna emerging as The Kittens came running around each side of the house. They looked anxious, except for Tomboy Kitten, who looked angry and started running toward them, until Princess Kitten barked something loudly and she pulled up.

"Yeah, we're in trouble," he said with a resigned smile. "Don't forget your promise. Those are the people you have to live with. You must be at peace with them."

"I know."

"Hotaru, help _her_, if she needs it. I'm begging. Help her, because I can't."

She nodded, then opened the door and got out.

"You really are something else, Hotaru-kun," he said for everyone to hear. He drove off. She walked resolutely past everyone and into the house.

"Hotaru," Setsuna called after her. Hotaru wheeled around.

"_I_ am going to bed," she said in a voice that brooked no further discussion. Unless someone was willing to force the issue, this miserable day was mercifully over.


	23. Chapter 07 Part 1a

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

**Chapter 7 –Bloody Sunday**

**(Part 1a)**

Note: As of 11-19-2012, this section has been merged with

Chapter 7 Part 1. In order to save any reviews or other data

associated with it, I am keeping it as a place holder.

The story continues in Chapter 7 – Part 2.


	24. Chapter 07 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 7 –Bloody Sunday**

**(Part 2)**

* * *

The courage of many people will falter because

of the fearful fate they see coming upon the earth,

for the stability of the very heavens will be broken up.

**Luke 21:26, The Bible, New Living Translation**

--

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.

Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to

ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with,

marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does

not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment

must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between

people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy,

no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love,

with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--_no mere_

_tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies_

_merriment … _

– **C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory**

--

… the broad truth is that barbarism and civilization have always dwelt side by side in the world

the civilization sometimes spreading to absorb the barbarians, sometimes decaying into relative

barbarism, … man does not necessarily begin with despotism because he is barbarous, but very

often finds his way to despotism because be is civilized. _He finds it because he is experienced;_

_or, what is often much the same thing, because he is exhausted._

… Over-civilization and barbarism are within an inch of each other.

**-G.K. Chesterton**

* * *

Hotaru sat at the table, moody looking and very uncommunicative. Except for the perfunctory "Good morning, Michiru-momma", "Yes Haruka-poppa," or "Thank you, Setsuna-momma," she said nothing, and looked downcast. She had judged that she could afford a day or so of sulking before she kept her promise to Kuryakin-sensei. In fact, she was just thinking heavily, and much of her anger had abated. The other three watched her out of the corners of their eyes as they ate breakfast. They talked of what they would be doing this week end, but that too seemed idle and perfunctory. All the things Hotaru had said last night seemed to sit in the middle of the breakfast table like a visible thing.

Only Haruka moved or talked with any real purpose this morning. She had been checking the news channels and making a few notes again before she sat down at the table. Whatever she was doing there, she would have to put that aside for a few hours. Today she would be going in to do the voiceovers for the Toyota commercial. She had gotten the scripts in the various languages via email on Wednesday. Michiru and Setsuna helped her with the various languages and inflections. There were a few languages they didn't have covered but the producer sent along audio of all of them embedded in the email. The producer had booked five hours at the studio and Haruka told everyone she would probably need all five. In fact, she had no intention of putting aside her 'research', and hoped to get the commercial work over with quickly. There was an unscheduled call she wanted to make afterward.

Setsuna pensively drank a cup of tea, as she studied Hotaru. Last night, the feeling Setsuna had felt when she discovered Hotaru had left the house began as justifiable concern. As they searched for her and couldn't find her, much darker thoughts crept into Setsuna's mind. The thought that Hotaru had run away, and Setsuna's responsibilities as one of her guardians, was a part of that, but not the whole. The things Hotaru said had Setsuna wondering if she had known, at all, what had been going on in the mind of her charge these last four months, or what she had been taught by _him_. There was a moment when thoughts of the worst possible thing that could happen had briefly terrified Setsuna. That was transmuted to great fury at Mister Kuryakin when she saw him pulling into their driveway, though it was contained somewhat by the relief she felt when she saw Hotaru safe. If she hadn't been in a negligee and a thin, rather filmy robe, she would have confronted him herself, and she did wonder what Haruka and Michiru were thinking when Haruka, rightly, charged toward his van, but then Michiru called her off. After her anger abated, and Hotaru was confirmed to be in bed and sleeping, she thought about it and realized that she may, once again though plausibly, have imparted sinister motives to what may have been happenstance and a bit of willfulness on Hotaru's part.

After a long enough silence, Setsuna spoke.

"Hotaru, I am sorry you are still upset, but I think we are owed an explanation for your behavior last night."

Hotaru's eyes flared with annoyance for a moment. _'Just what part of my behavior do you mean, Setsuna-momma?'_ she thought. Setsuna wasn't specific and if this was about her 'rant,' Hotaru was going to have a very hard time not responding, "Forgive me, Setsuna-momma, for thinking." Setsuna had been deliberately vague, hoping to get Hotaru talking about more than just her running off, but Hotaru was beginning to understand how adult minds, especially those of her guardians, worked. She would play it close to the vest and explain only from the point where she felt she may have crossed a line.

"Kuryakin-sensei was at that scenic spot because he was thinking about things," she said very mechanically. "He has much to think about these days, and that place reminds him of another place that's important to him. I saw him there because I was stargazing and you can see that place from the sun room. I wanted to talk to him. I miss him."

End of story.

"And that is all?"

"I am sorry, Setsuna-momma …" she said meekly enough.

'_That is better, Hotaru…'_

"… sorry that you still think Kuryakin-sensei is some sort of enemy."

Michiru looked as though she'd seen that comment coming. Haruka looked a bit uncomfortable, picked up the copy of her lines for the commercial, and took a sip of coffee. Setsuna looked down and sighed a bit. She desperately wanted to say she was sorry for having spoken in anger last night, for she truly was. She hated that anything had come between her and Hotaru. She wanted things back the way they were. It was beginning to look like that would never be. Part of her wanted to hug Hotaru and tell her that she understood that she was wrestling with the great and troubling conundrums of their Senshi lives, but now everything always came back to that man. Her anger toward him simmered. Somehow, this was all his fault. What a mistake that had been.

Hotaru had not eaten much of her breakfast. Michiru got up, went to the fridge and took something out.

"Hotaru," she said softly, "you should eat this before it spoils." It was the strawberry treacle tart that Haruka had gotten for her. She looked up at Michiru, who was pouring her a little more tea, and looking kindly at her with a smile that said, _'It's all right. Take your time. We love you still and always.'_

"Thank you, Michiru-momma," she said, a wan little smile at the corners of her mouth. She looked at Haruka, who winked at her, then at Setsuna, and though this caused her smile to fade, there was still enough of it to let Setsuna know she would apologize in time.

'_But not yet, Setsuna-momma. Not yet. There's something I've got to figure out first.' _

* * *

Setsuna stayed home, and was washing up the breakfast dishes, as Michiru, Hotaru and Haruka drove to the studio. The day's tasks notwithstanding, Hotaru's words from the previous night echoed in the minds of all her guardians, like an accusing attorney. Hotaru had always been some sort of "key" to the nature of the Outer Senshi. She was the one who 'awakened them,' and perhaps something like that was happening now.

'_We love only what we want to,'_ went round and round in Michiru's mind as they headed out. Usually when driving with Haruka, Michiru 'took in the scenery' of which the people were but a quaint little part. Today she found herself really looking at them. How many of them could she truly say she could stand to be around for more than a few minutes? Did she choose her way of life because it ensured that she would always be surrounded by the beautiful, interesting people? Most people weren't and she knew it. She had once, in the midst of a fight with an agent of the Dead Moon, said that a world without Haruka wouldn't be a world worth saving anyway. At the time, it seemed to be a bit of heroic posturing, showing confidence before an enemy. But there was some truth in it. As Sailor Neptune, she was a 'world saver' and yet it seemed that she was only interested in saving it for herself and Haruka first, and then only for a few select others. There was nothing unusual about that. Soldiers always fought, not so much for flag or country, but for those around them. A country as a whole is but a huge abstraction for which no one could possibly have a comprehensive conception or any meaningful love. One's country is really the things one loves and desires to keep close and permanent. Yet, with Hotaru's words about _'cold and snobbish'_ echoing in her mind, she wondered now if that was enough. Was she right, this young lady sitting to her left, leaning on her, and looking more pensive than ever?

She remembered when she'd first met Usagi. They walked along talking of pursuing one's dreams, as her future queen carried Marine Cathedral, her Stradivarius violin. Then a fan of her art came up to her and pointed out a painting of hers on the museum wall, praising it and her effusively. She had given him the perfunctory 'thank you,' mainly because she felt shy, but also because ebullient fans tended to put her off. But why? She never really asked that before. The young fan had been very sincere in his praise, and was indeed present at her exhibition later that month. Funny too, was that, objectively, he was a fairly handsome young man, and quite sincere in his appreciation as well as intelligent in his critique of her work. In short, just the sort of fan an artist wants. He truly understood art, and told her that 'what she was trying to do' was well done and awe-inspiring. Yet something about him put her off, and she was unable to be more than a cool, diffident young artist with him. As such, she wanted to, at the very least, affect humility, but it ended up with her looking cold and disdainful at the young man, as if he were some sort nuisance.

Just after Hotaru started having the problem with testing, she and Haruka had gotten into a good natured debate with Setsuna around the breakfast table. It was about character flaws. The Time Guardian responded to a witty provocation on Michiru's part with her best comeback to date: "Perhaps there is a reason your talisman is a mirror." Haruka nearly choked on her toast trying not to laugh. What did Michiru really think of Peter Kuryakin? Were it not for what she saw in her talisman, what would her honest reaction to him have been? Was he a sort of diversion, something to come along and make their lives interesting, but then just go away after things got too serious? Or maybe boring? Is that why she had thought it best that Hotaru 'forget him'? Was that the best advice she had for her troubled young charge? Michiru had never before questioned whether she loved Hotaru, truly, and now she was questioning it. The answer of course, was "Yes, I do. I have helped raise her." Indeed, she had, but as a child grows, the needs change and increase. So it wasn't the fact of her love, but the quality she needed to think about. Had her love for Hotaru grown in proportion to Hotaru's need?

Meanwhile, Hotaru's thoughts had drifted in to a little soliloquy on the perception of time. It would be a week before she could talk to him again. A week probably wouldn't seem nearly as long to him as it would to her. To someone who is ten years old, a year is a tenth of their life. To some one who is thirty, it is but a thirtieth. The duration of a year does not change, but the perception of that duration does. Even if Kuryakin-sensei were no older than he looked, a week to him was but a third of the time it was to someone her age. And she had good reason to believe he was not merely thirty years old. _'How old was he?'_ she wondered. _'As old as Setsuna-momma, whose consciousness covered more then a millennium?'_

But this was a mere diversion on the way to thinking about something more important. Hotaru was an obedient girl, indeed. It was very difficult to think of her guardians, and the flaws –if such they could be called- in their characters. To a young child growing up, dependent upon them for care, and owing them gratitude for the love they had shown her, they had seemed nearly perfect and hopelessly cool. The first crack in the edifice had to have been the fight with Galaxia. She could think of nothing before those events that would remotely force her to judge whether there was something amiss in her odd little family. She was thinking about this even before she had met Peter Kuryakin, and that was one more reason why it was wrong for Setsuna-momma to blame this on him. Perhaps her time with him had forced the issue, but, if anything, he had been something of a solution to the problem, not its cause. His explanation of history as the inevitable working out of inherent flaws was grist for her mill. She had been very attentive in his classes, and now she squarely faced the question that had been bugging her from the beginning.

Was there a flaw in the moon kingdom? What was it? There was little she really knew about the moon kingdom. She knew that it had been beautiful and a Parnassus of civilization. It was well ordered, and the people were happy. So far as Hotaru knew, they were _truly_ happy, and it would have been hubris on her part to say that they really weren't. And yet, … and yet …

Why was the Princess, who surely had ample opportunities on the moon, suddenly so fascinated by the earth prince she had met? What had done it? Surely there were plenty of nice boys on the moon?

'_Nice?'_

It was then that she remembered, in stunning detail, one of Kuryakin's "this is what I think" moments: "Be careful how you take this, but nice and good are not necessarily the same thing. Now as you know, I don't go in for any single cause explanations for civilizational collapse, but if I had to pick a single cause that did more to bring down more civilizations than any other, I would pick 'tolerance,' that is to say MERE tolerance. Don't get me wrong; tolerance of differences is very important for a civilization. But you can reach a point of 'dialectical reversal,' where tolerance devolves into indifference, and even questions of right and wrong become mere academic debates. It's not for me to say when, exactly, that happens, but if you look out for it, eventually you might see where an unmistakable wrong is explained away as a mere difference: or worse, where no one thinks it necessary to explain it away. Enough of that and you get a critical mass of indifference. Reality abhors a vacuum, especially a moral one. If you don't deal with reality, reality will deal with you. _Something will come to fill that vacuum._"

It put Hotaru in mind of her favorite Yeats poem:

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity …

Was mere happiness enough? Had mere happiness exhausted the Kingdom until the best lacked all conviction? Was it possible that the people of the moon were already dying, or rather living in a perpetual death of mere happiness, before the end came? Had it become a place of mere tolerance? That seemed counterintuitive. The problem seemed to be 'intolerance' where the Princess's burgeoning relationship with the Earth Prince was concerned. 'Dialectical reversal.' That's what Kuryakin-sensei had called it, and by that he meant the point where a virtue striven for becomes a flaw. How curious. The people of the moon were nigh immortal. The full immortality they sought seemed such a worthy goal, but more and more Hotaru's mind focused on that as the source of the problem. Perhaps the Moon Kingdom could never have fallen from within, not because it was perfect, but because it was _'well, … too old to die,' _Hotaru thought. Perhaps, though it _need_ _not_ have fallen, it had to be _possible_ to fall, in order to know true happiness. No, not happiness, exactly, but … joy.

Was its young heiress the only thing young enough to spark its death? Was it a merely tolerant place, a parody of love, then done in by the real thing?

A funny image came into her mind, of Princess Serenity sitting at the dinner table with the Queen.

"Why must you see that earth prince?" says the queen. "What happened to that nice moon prince from _Mare Frigoris_ you were seeing?"

"I've seen all the moon princes, mother. They're all so boring."

If Michiru hadn't been so distracted herself, she might have seen Hotaru's body shudder with an inward giggle at the thought. This wasn't the whole answer, Hotaru knew, but it seemed a promising line of inquiry.

* * *

Setsuna was putting the finishing touches on her term paper. On the whole, she was very satisfied with it. In its own way, it was like that white dress she'd completed a few weeks ago. Something daunting and difficult, but now completed, and in this case, months ahead of schedule. It was very satisfying. She had every right to be proud of her work, and feel a gratified happiness.

So why did she feel so miserable?

Twice while checking her work, she had to stop herself, consciously, from thinking about him. This always happened when she was alone, or especially, when she was tired: or more specifically, when she had worn herself out on something. Then, unbidden thoughts of Peter Kuryakin would creep into her mind. Now, her closed laptop in front of her, she stretched and yawned, and she could almost feel his hands on her shoulders, massaging her, though he had never touched her in that way. No wait, he had once touched her there, the day he caught her spying on him. Such fine, strong hands he had. How nice it would be to loll her head backward, sighing, and feel them, warm and gentle but firm, rubbing her shoulders just now and …

'_Stop it!' _

Setsuna sighed, disgusted with herself.

The night she drove him away was painful to her, but she was sure she could get over it. She hadn't. If anything, it was getting worse. At the time, she truly felt no guilt. She had done the right thing, been honest with herself and with him, and the way he walked out, she had hoped he was giving up, then and there. But now, as the scene played over and over again in the mind, she knew that wasn't it at all. Quite the opposite. He was accommodating her, yes, because he was a true gentleman, but now, she saw it for what it was: a tactical retreat, in preparation for a renewed offensive later on. It almost frightened her, how truly courageous of him it was. In retrospect, there was no mistaking his ardor. He wanted her badly. This … _she_ … meant a great deal to him, and yet he was willing to draw back for now.

'_Spiral curriculum…'_

That's what he called his pedagogical method. Cover the basics, get your head around them, and then come back, again and again, in ever greater detail until the subject was mastered. Apparently, it wasn't just a teaching method, but the way he lived his life. She was truly stuck by the courage it must take to do that, give up ground and risk defeat in something so very important to him in order to come back better and stronger the next time. She was never going to be rid of him. It shouldn't matter except for one thing: she could not stop herself from thinking about the man. He must be able to sense that conflict within her, or surely he _would_ give up. He, and Hotaru, even Haruka and Michiru- in their way, were wearing her down. But it was Hotaru first and foremost. Why was she so persistent about it? Was there something else behind this?

'_Oh please, come back to me, Hotaru …' _she thought, her eyes misting a little. She shouldn't have stayed home this morning.

As she was wiping her eyes, the phone rang.

* * *

Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru went into the studio where they were given special passes allowing them access to the recording rooms. They were told to be mindful of the red "Recording in progress" signs, but otherwise had free run of the place. A guide led Haruka to the room she would be recording in, and Hotaru and Michiru followed along. In one wing of the studio, they saw posters for several current anime series by the doors of some of the recording rooms, and Hotaru assumed that the people inside were voice actors (_seiyuu_) for those series. One woman was 'really selling it', gesticulating wildly as she did her lines. Hotaru smiled a little. Even hearing the person's voice, it would have been funny; not able to hear, it looked even funnier. The commercial's director met them at the door and said they were all ready, and could begin at once. Michiru handed Haruka a water bottle, and after a few sound checks, they began.

Her expression notwithstanding, this was very exciting for Hotaru at first. Haruka-poppa looked very cool and professional speaking into the microphone, but after half an hour of having to do several takes each time, saying the same short and often cheesy lines over and over again, until the director was satisfied he had just the emphases and inflections he wanted, the shine had worn off. They had started with the foreign languages. An hour and a half later, Hotaru, who was still very sulky, was yawning. During one pause, Michiru was able to talk to Haruka.

"Haruka, Hotaru is bored, and she's still pretty … introspective. I'm going to take her to that aquarium down the street."

"Good idea," said Haruka. "At this rate, I'll be here all five hours."

"Okay, I'll get her something to eat."

"You're not bored, too, are you Michiru dear? After all, this is my big acting debut," she winked. "I'm _seiyuu_, now."

"Of course not," she smiled. "I'm never bored when I'm with you. I'm very proud of you. I'll bring you back something special."

Michiru and Hotaru left. Half an hour later, the director asked Haruka if she needed a break. She said that she would much rather plow ahead and get it done. The director applauded her professionalism, and they proceeded. By this time, Haruka had a good feel for what the director wanted, and things began moving more quickly. With most of the foreign language work done, they were able to finish an hour later. Haruka shook hands with the director and took delivery of the check for her work. The director told her she would get a DVD recording of all the commercials in a month or so, and with that, she was done.

Notebook in hand, Haruka jumped in the car, and set off for a residential district to the northwest of the studio. Normally one would call ahead, but given what she was trying to find out, she thought just showing up would be more effective.

* * *

Setsuna sat pondering the meaning of the phone call she had gotten a few hours ago. It was from Rei Hino. She had sounded very tired, like she been up all night. And in fact, she had. Unlike the time when The Silence was approaching, there was little forewarning. The Fire Guardian had felt a bit strange these last few weeks, but it there was nothing like the ominous visions she'd had during the Infinity Academy Crisis. Then last night, during a routine séance, she suddenly saw a terrible vision. Dark clouds covered the earth. They spun outward from what looked like an unnaturally large typhoon that covered the whole Pacific Ocean. Beneath the darkness, cities, Tokyo included, seemed to be burning.

"Setsuna-san," Rei asked, quite alarmed, "do you have any idea what this is about?"

"Perhaps," Setsuna said. "Have you seen anything more concerning the man I told you about?"

"Hotaru's tutor?" Rei asked. "I'm not sure that this has anything to do with him. Other than what I saw before."

"How urgent do you think this is?" Setsuna asked.

"Well," said Rei, perplexed, in part at Setsuna's insistence on linking this to Hotaru's tutor. "I am really shocked at how suddenly this has come to me. It feels like something that could happen anytime. I don't understand why I haven't seen this coming before now."

"Hino-san, I suggest you get some rest. Then try again tonight to see what might be happening. I shall talk to Michiru as soon as she gets home," Setsuna said very coolly. "Do not worry too much about this. It sounds like something from outside the system. I think Haruka also has some inkling of what might be happening. We shall deal with it."

"Setsuna-san," said Rei, sounding very brave and determined, "don't hesitate to call on us if it's something really terrible. I'm serious. We want in on the fun, too."

"We will," Setsuna replied with a little smile. "In the meantime, see if you can gather the others at Hikawa. Especially, Tsukino-san. It is a very well protected place. Have a slumber party or something. Do not tell them what you suspect, until we all have a better idea of what this is about."

"I'll do my best."

"And remember," Setsuna said again, "please continue to look into whether this has anything to do with Kuryakin-san."

'_Again with that man,'_ Rei Hino thought as she hung up the phone. _'I hope I run into him some day.'_

* * *

Haruka arrived at the house of that former member of the Japanese parliament who committed suicide. Trying to talk to a grieving widow about her husband's death would be the height of discourtesy, but from her researches, she had some suspicions about it that didn't jive with the "official story." What she needed was an angle for getting for getting in the door. When Haruka looked up the story on the Internet, she saw a picture of the man's family, taken well before his suicide. He had a daughter and a newborn son. It was the daughter that might give her a way in. In the picture, she was proudly displaying a "Haruka Tenoh / Dakar Champion" button.

"Are you a reporter?" said the rather severe looking maid who answered the door.

"No," said Haruka.

"Are you a private investigator?"

"No."

"Then why are you here?"

A voice came from another room.

"Kajiwara-sama, I'm not sure who it is," said the maid. "She seems unwilling to give me a name, or state her purpose."

"I am not unwilling," said Haruka. "I'm Haruka Tenoh. I heard about your recent tragedy and I found out that the young daughter is a fan of my racing. I wanted to come by and pay respects, as well as chat with the daughter."

The door opened wider and a very elegant looking woman was now standing next to maid, who deferentially moved to the background. The young daughter was next to her, her eyes getting increasingly wide.

"It _is_ her, Okasama," she said, awed.

"Please come in, Tenoh-san," Mrs. Shiori Kajiwara said.

Haruka felt a bit guilty now. For the moment, she was here under false pretenses. The house was a small mansion, very well thought out and meticulously kept. As the maid walked them to a sitting room, Haruka took note of the double staircase surrounding the main receiving room, the elegant dining room with its dark cherry wood furniture, and nice veranda surrounding a corner bay that made up a good portion of the back of the house.

"And who is this?" asked Haruka of the young girl watching her every move with her mouth agape.

"This is my daughter, Aiko."

"Aiko-san, thank you for supporting me," said Haruka, sincerely enough. The young girl turned very red, and then shyly whispered something to her mother.

"I don't see why not," said Mrs. Kajiwara in response. The girl trotted off and headed up the stairs. After watching her leave, Mrs. Kajiwara looked very sternly at Haruka and said "So then Tenoh-san, why are you really here?"

The woman was no fool. Haruka thought it over for just a few moments, and decided upon the direct approach.

"Kajiwara-san, I did come here to see your daughter, but I also wanted to ask you some questions about your husband's death."

"Please leave, Tenoh-san," said the maid, who suddenly appeared as if from nowhere.

"Wait," said Mrs. Kajiwara, regarding Haruka warily. Until she saw Haruka, her daughter had not smiled once since her husband's death. That was enough, barely, to keep Haruka in the house for a few more minutes. "Why do you want to know about this?"

"I have been following … certain events," said Haruka very carefully, "and I have reason to suspect that … well, forgive me, that your husband did not die for the reasons stated."

"You mean, you don't think my husband's death was a suicide? I assure you, it was. I am the one who found him."

"Apologies," said Haruka, feeling most uncomfortable now. "I didn't mean that exactly."

"Speak your peace, Tenoh-san," said the elegant woman, over the obvious objections in the expression on her maid's face.

"You're husband didn't kill himself because of the scandal, did he?"

"So you are a private investigator."

"No. I am here as a private citizen, but one who needs to know what you know about this."

"Why? Why do you _need_ to know about this?"

"Let's just say I know some people who can help when … these kinds of things come up."

"My husband is past any help."

"I know, but those who remain behind are not."

"You're wrong, Tenoh-san," she said. "It _was_ because of the scandal. At least, in part."

"The missing money," Haruka said, looking disappointed in herself. Of course. She should have made that connection.

"Yes," said Mrs. Kajiwara. "He was aggressively pursuing the investigation. He was making progress. But then, there was a night, when he came home, more drunk than I've ever seen him. I thought it had something to do with his investigative work, but that day he had not convened the investigative committee."

"But there was a meeting of the Jouhou Honbu (Defense Intelligence Office) oversight committee, wasn't there?" said Haruka, who was quickly putting two and two together.

"Yes, a closed door session. After that, he was … terrified. He tried to hide it, but sometimes he would look at our daughter, and then break down and cry. I begged him to tell me what was wrong. He tried to, a few times, but always ended up invoking state secrecy."

"What was he terrified of?"

"Of … everything. He lost all interest in the investigation, but then they called him to testify before his own committee. They were trying to pin it on him. His suicide effectively ended the investigation and the story eventually fell off the front pages of the newspapers."

"Anything else?" asked Haruka very deferentially.

Mrs. Kajiwara's reticence overcame her at this point, but then her daughter, who had come downstairs carrying a big rolled up poster, suddenly chimed in.

"Tell her about the man with no eyes."

"The … _what_?"

For the next few minutes, Mrs. Kajiwara explained, and became increasingly nervous as she did so.

"All right," Haruka said. "Thank you for telling me these things. Aiko-san, why don't you and I talk for a few minutes?"

"Can we get a picture together, too?"

"Aiko," said her mother reprovingly, but then changed her mind. "Well, actually, Tenoh-san, I think you owe us that at the very least. You have probably put me and my daughter and infant son in danger."

"Kajiwara-san, you have been very patient with me, and brave to tell me of these things. I thank you very much. Take as many pictures as you like. And Aiko-san, I'll sign anything you want. That way if anybody asks, you can just tell them I heard you were a fan of mine and, in light of the tragedy, I came to see you."

"Why don't you go out back?" suggested Mrs. Kajiwara. "That way if we are still … being watched, they will see that you are here because of Aiko."

"Very well," said Haruka.

As the maid took pictures of them together, Haruka talked with Aiko, asking her about her dreams. It was a fine ten minutes for the young girl who talked of her desire to be a race car driver like Haruka, and later perhaps, an astronaut. Haruka smiled at her enthusiasm, and told her those were wonderful goals. She signed and personalized everything the girl asked her to, including the big poster of her crossing the finish line at Dakar. Finally, her mother came and told her it was time to go upstairs and get ready to go shopping.

"Kajiwara-san, you have … told the right person," said Haruka, as Mrs. Kajiwara walked her to the door and her cell phone buzzed in her pocket for the third time. "I really do know people who can help. They're starting to understand what might be happening. I'm very sorry for your loss, but don't give up hope."

* * *

"Haruka, where are you?" came Michiru's voice from Haruka's cell phone. "We got back fifteen minutes ago and they said you had finished around 1:00."

"Are you there at the studio now?" asked Haruka.

"Yes," said Michiru.

"I'll be there in ten minutes, and then I'll explain everything."

She began explaining as Michiru and Hotaru got into the car. What Haruka had come up with in her researches was still vague, but very interesting and Hotaru listened intently, even while appearing distracted and still very moody, especially when she told them both about 'the man with no eyes.' When they got home Hotaru still hadn't come up with the answers she was looking for, and so dinner was spent being moody. Setsuna waited until Hotaru went to bed to tell them of Rei Hino's phone call. Michiru immediately got out her talisman and had a look while Haruka explained her findings to Setsuna who listened very attentively. Michiru saw nothing, and so it was decided that whatever Rei Hino had seen, it was not an imminent threat, though everyone certainly was taking it all very seriously and would be very curious to know if Rei Hino saw anything tonight.

They talked about their plans for tomorrow, with which they would proceed if Rei-san saw nothing more. Haruka and Michiru had planned an afternoon to themselves, with lunch at a fancy hotel they knew of down the coast, followed by several hours in a hot spring spa. Setsuna decided that she would take Hotaru shopping, if Haruka could drop them off in at the Azabu Juuban shopping district before she and Michiru headed off. Haruka agreed and then Setsuna went to call Hino-san. Rei told her she was about to start her séance and that by tomorrow evening all of the Inner Planet Senshi would be gathered at Hikawa shrine for a 'slumber party.'

"Get some rest, Setsuna-san," Rei said cheerily, "I, Hino Rei, am on the case."

* * *

**A/N:** _Setsuna's wisecrack about Michiru's talisman was borrowed from Jon Carp's humorous fan story "The Stuff That Doesn't Make Sense." You can find a link to it at the bottom of my bio page under 'favorite stories.' It is such a great line, I hope he won't mind me borrowing it. _


	25. Chapter 07 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 7 –Bloody Sunday**

**(Part 3)**

* * *

Sunday morning, Rei Hino stood watching the sunrise. During her all night vigil she had not seen anything new. Nor did she have the same vision, exactly. There was a moment where she was beginning to see the same thing, but then she thought she sensed that the thing causing the vision knew it was being probed, and had drawn itself back to prevent its discovery. The perception of this was so tenuous, Hino thought it unwise to say anything. It boded well though, for it might mean she had seen an evil intention – a devil's dream, as it were- and not something necessarily fated to happen. Nonetheless, she would call Setsuna-san and tell her that the vision had persisted, and that she would 'keep watch' over the matter.

Hotaru sat eating her breakfast and still not really looking at anyone, but she seemed calm and resigned. Occasionally, a little smile would play at the corners of her mouth, as she glanced at Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna. She had thought things through, and last night, as she fell asleep, an answer of a sort came to her. She understood now what was going on, and what she needed to do about it. In a way, it was something she had done once before, but this time, it would be done differently, and it would require a deft touch, and the proper frame of heart and mind. But before she did it, she needed to 'do it' to herself. Forced to put it into words, she felt that she must change, or rather _'accept the change I have felt since the day I met him.'_ Her expression did not show it, but she now glad that she would be shopping with Setsuna-momma today. She would spend this time remembering just how much she loved her guardians, and especially the woman putting a bowl hot steamed rice in front of her.

The phone rang as she began 'counting the ways' she loved them. Setsuna answered it and from the brief conversation, everyone knew it was Rei Hino. Setsuna hung up the phone a few minutes later, hit the high points of her conversation, and everyone seemed satisfied that there was no imminent danger. So, with watchful eye to their own powers of perception, everyone would proceed with their plans for the day. Everyone did school work for the rest of the morning, except for Hotaru, who read that history text Kuryakin-sensei translated for her.

Around 11:30, everyone went upstairs to prepare for their respective outings. By 12:15, Setsuna and Hotaru were looking at storefront windows, and Haruka and Michiru were headed down the coast.

* * *

Halfway around the world, the 'capsule' began breaking up upon entry into the earth's atmosphere. The 'bubble' in the micro-corridor that had accommodated it was collapsing, and the capsule was like a hollow marble being shoved through an ever narrowing steel tube. It wasn't going to be possible to make any kind of controlled landing. In fact, it might even become too small for the occupant to squeeze through safely. It had chosen this point of entry because it was presently night, and far from any populated area. All of these Micro-corridors opened over the northern hemisphere of this world, far the occupant's objective. A covert night landing was desirable, but that was no longer possible since the capsule was starting to burn from friction with the planet's atmosphere. Perhaps, it would be seen as nothing more than a shooting star. Upon landing, it would be necessary to make sure the micro-corridor network surrounding this world was simply intended for remote controlled exploration and nothing … more. Something had sensed its coming, and it wouldn't do if one of _them_ was here.

The capsule had gotten close enough. The occupant bailed as it exploded. It had been a long trip, so it would be necessary to get something to eat. The energy it had expended holding itself together through the landing had it feeling especially ravenous. Blending in with the surroundings would have been a wise idea, but it couldn't be helped. There was some sort of town over the next few rises. It should be able to get food there, and then it would find its 'allies' and locate the base, and make contact with the others. Fortune had favored them; it was up to _it_ to make sure fortune paid off.

* * *

The tall man walked through the crowd at the Azabu Juuban shopping district, his head perched well above the crowd. The crowd was pretty heavy today as the Christmas shopping season was in full swing. He tried to take solace in the reserved merriment of those around him, drawing upon their energy as it were, but it wasn't really working well. There was a slight wind that occasionally gusted out of the northwest, and it was rather cold. He was wearing a rather old fashioned top coat and eating an apple. Occasionally, he drew the usual stares from people, and also found himself having to give way, lest young children, not paying attention to their surroundings, collide with him. It was funny how kids could notice things of a certain size and avoid them, but if something was too big, like a six foot seven adult, it just didn't register until it was too late. _Ah, children,_ he mused. _They live in world of knees._ The crowd was getting heavier. It would be best to avoid such collisions. Once, while he was walking through a crowd just like this one and fretting over the trials and tribulations of a student named Noriko Kurosawa, a young boy had run smack into him. When he looked down, the severity of his pensive expression had further frightened the young child, and sent him wailing, off to find his mother. He tossed the apple core away, and looked at his reflection in a display window. He had the same impressive scowl on his face today.

It wasn't just kids, either. Earlier, a blond teenage girl nearly collided with him. She begged his pardon, as she ran to catch up with a guy in a chartreuse jacket and – were those pants lavender? The tall man was no fashion maven, and the blond girl's early-twenty-something boyfriend was dark haired, strapping and handsome, but good gawd … lavender pants? Oy! If he hadn't been so depressed today, he might have chuckled at that and at the way the girl's long ponytails, which extended from the twin buns in her hair, slapped at people as she ran by them. A good gust might just launch the girl into the air, much in the same way a spider can hitch a ride on the wind by deploying a long thread of silk. He almost managed to smile at the image.

Then his stomach grumbled so audibly a few people around him took note. There were things more important than food, and the apple he'd just eaten was the only was concession he'd made to the need in the last 24 hours, but he was still hungry and really starting to feel it. His good natured humanism aside, the crowd was starting to annoy him a bit. All the nearby restaurants looked quite crowded. He ended up buying some _tonkatsu_ from a vendor at the park entrance, and then headed in to it. The benches were full of people, but he caught a person leaving a spot where he'd been sitting with two women. The tall man asked if he could sit down, and nearest woman nodded pleasantly, and resumed chatting with her friend.

Peter Kuryakin took one bite of the _tonkatsu_ and made a face. _'That vendor needs to change his cooking oil more frequently,'_ he growled internally. There was a waste can nearby and he nearly pitched the acrylamide-laden pork into it. Instead, he sighed and wondered if the food was just bad, or if he'd actually had enough of this place. No, he said to himself, a wan smile coming over his expression. He was just heartsick, and at a loss to understand the quirky but oh-so-lovely Miss Meioh …

The scowl returned. That muffin headed girl and her oddly dressed boyfriend were back. She was rather loud and hard to miss. He looked rather harried, but amusedly so. Somehow, they didn't quite seem right together. He was far more mature than her. But what did he know about it? At least each of them had someone. There was no where to sit as all the benches were taken up, and muffin head was making sure everyone from here to Switzerland knew that she was footsore.

"Oy, here."

The two young people heard a deep voice behind them and turned.

"You can have my seat, Miss," Kuryakin said as he stood up.

"Amazing!" she said, looking up at him in awe. Apparently she had taken little note of who she nearly ran into earlier. He smiled a little and shook his head.

"Heh. 201 centimeters. I was just leaving."

"Oh?" said Muffin Head, "but you haven't finished your tonkatsu."

Then, the two women sitting with him got up and left.

"Oh good," said the girl, taking charge, "now there's enough room for us all here. We'll just share your seat. Please don't leave because of us."

"Uh, by all means, join me," he said, somewhat distractedly. Given his current turmoil, sitting with a couple was the last thing he wanted to do, but he shrugged and they all sat down.

"Mmm, that looks good," said the girl. She was eyeballing Kuryakin's box of tonkatsu. "Mamo-chan, I want some."

"There's quite a line over there, Usa-ko," said the boyfriend, pointing at the kiosk.

"Please?" she asked, in her most demure and pleading voice.

The boyfriend chuckled and left to get in line. She sat there looking at all the people. Then she started eyeballing the tall man's food again, and looked puzzled as to why he wasn't eating. He seemed quite despondent, and was staring off into space, so she took a good look at him. He was a bit older than Mamoru, smart looking, had a similar cut and mien, and though he scowled very impressively, there seemed to be an underlying kindness. The side burns didn't quite 'work,' but he was handsome in his own way. He was clearly 'in a mood,' and in that, too, she found him like her boyfriend. In fact, the longer she sat there with him the more cool he seemed and the more comfortable she felt. Suddenly her stomach growled audibly.

"Umm, excuse me?" she asked shyly, "but are you going to eat the rest of that?"

"No, actually. I don't normally eat fast food. I'm … not myself today. I'm not sure why I bought it."

His already deep voice was weighted further with introspection and sadness.

"Ooo, can I have it then?" she asked almost without thinking. "I'm really hungry."

"Y'know, your country has superb national cuisine; but … this is _not_ it. It's cold, and besides, your boyfriend went to get you some, didn't he?"

"That line is pretty long and I'm really hungry."

"Okay, sure," he chuckled and shrugged. "I just hope this doesn't spoil your appetite for when your boyfriend gets back."

"Oh, I should be okay. So far today all I've had is …" and then his eyes widened as she listed twelve different foods.

"That's … _all_ you've had? It's only 1:34 in the afternoon. That's quite an accomplishment. Do you eat like this all the time?"

She shrugged very cutely, and tried to say something with her mouth stuffed to overflowing.

"Unless you've got the metabolism of a hummingbird, you might want to lay off," he said, almost smiling. "You don't want to lose that girlish figure. You might lose that guy along with it."

"Ah, my Mamo-chan would love me no matter what," she said proudly through the final mouthful.

"Heh, heh, you're a funny girl," he chuckled.

"Everyone says that," she said kittenishly. As she was wiping her mouth, she caught his gaze following a really cute couple as they walked by. The woman was tall, very pretty and had long, dark hair.

"So," she ventured with a wry smile, "why's a handsome guy like you all alone on a Sunday afternoon? Is that why you're looking kinda sad?"

He smiled self-consciously.

"Yes, it must be _that_. I have such good intuition about these things …"

He was staring at her now, and getting a reminder of why self-absorption was never a good idea. He had failed to notice there were things about this girl to notice. He peered deeply at her, getting closer and closer.

"Uh, I'm afraid … I'm … taken, if … that's … what you're thinking," she said, puzzled by his gaze.

"Ah, forgive me for staring. I … just realized something," he said with a warm smile. "My name is Peter. Peter Kuryakin."

"Usagi Tsukino," she declared loudly, as she thrust her arm straight out to shake hands. As his hand gripped hers a strange look came over her face. It deepened when he put his other hand over hers as well.

'_What is this I'm feeling? How soft and warm his hands are. And there's something else…and … he feels it too.'_

"It's nice to meet you," he said softly. "Finally."

'_Finally? And how kind and deep his voice is. How it resonates deep inside me, in my very heart.'_

But then he released her hand, and the moment passed.

"It looks like your boyfriend is getting closer to the front of the line."

"Usagi-chan!" said a voice from behind them. "Oh! Kuryakin-san!"

He turned to see a girl with blue tinted hair coming up to them.

"Miss Mizuno? We meet yet again," he said, as he stood up and offered her his seat. "Well now, here I've been a little down today, but suddenly I feel a whole lot better. I just met Miss Tsukino here."

"You know each other?" Usagi asked as Ami sat down.

"I'm a private tutor, Miss Tsukino. Early on, I did a cram school. Miss Mizuno was my very first student."

"Yes," said Ami.

"How is your mother doing, Miss Mizuno? Busy as always I imagine?"

"Yes, as always. Oh by the way, she was very grateful for your help at the hospital."

"Hospital?" asked Usagi.

"Yes," said Ami, "remember that big highway pile up a while back?"

"Remember it? Shingo and papa were in it, at the tail end," Usagi said. "The car was pretty banged up. Papa and Shingo had to go to the hospital for a little bit, but they came home okay."

"You never mentioned that, Usagi," Ami said.

"Well, papa's arm was hurt, but Shingo was okay. So, you knew Ami-chan even before I did," Usagi observed.

"Yes," said Kuryakin. "And it's wonderful to see how much she's changed since then."

"I wish you had continued with the cram school, Kuryakin-san. Mother said if you had, she was going to take me out of public school altogether, and let you teach me all day."

"Surely she was joking," Kuryakin said.

"I _think_ so," Ami said, "but one never knows with her. By the way …" she continued and then motioned for Kuryakin to come close so she could whisper something to him. After a moment of listening, he smiled.

"I had a feeling you knew," he said, looking sheepish. "I hope you don't … misunderstand what happened there."

"No, I understand completely," said Ami, "I only wish there was something _to_ misunderstand, but it was very, very kind of you."

"Why did you quit doing a cram school?" asked Usagi.

"Well," replied Kuryakin, "I found my self drawn to the idea of helping those less gifted than Miss Mizuno here. I wanted to have fewer students, so I could put more effort into each person. I couldn't do that, and still run the cram school. So I had to make a choice. I was sad to close the cram school, but I hope in the end, there are some people -who might have ended badly – that are better off because of it."

Usagi smiled. "That's really nice."

"Thank you. It also meant more money and less work," he said.

Usagi and Ami laughed.

"More money, maybe, but less work? I don't believe that for a minute," said Ami. "You know, Kuryakin-san, you have done a great job with so many hard cases, Usagi-chan could use the help of someone like you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just don't like studying."

"Well, I was never fond of it myself, really. I'm actually ending my formal practice. I've got a job offer from K.O. University. But I'm determined to make room for tutoring and mentoring on the side, where I can. Here's my card, Miss Tsukino" he said, as he fished a couple out of his pocket. "You too, Miss Mizuno. Sorry, I forgot to get in touch with your mother, but if you need any help with med school entrance exams, or anything like that, don't hesitate to call. You're kind of at a point I might be useful to you again. For you, if we can work out a schedule, I'll do it for free."

'_What a nice guy,'_ thought Usagi.

"A job offer from K.O. University? That is wonderful, Kuryakin-san," said Ami.

"Yeah, it was quite a surprise, actually. I guess Vice President Kishimura was pretty impressed with how I helped his son."

"You've had some very important clients," Ami said admiringly.

"All my clients were important. But yes, it's nice to have fans in high places. I even did an evening seminar there a month ago. I realize now it was probably an 'audition'. However, I'm … thinking of turning it down."

"Why? A polymath like you would be a real catch, even for them. You could probably dictate your own terms, at least a little. I always wondered why you weren't doing something … 'bigger'."

"Well," said Kuryakin, looking reticent, "for reasons I can't go into just now, any situation in which I become a formal professor at any university will always be a bit … uh, complicated. It would be of great help to have the assets of a major university to help me in some research I've been doing off and on these last few years, but now something else has come up. K.O. University might not be as … hospitable an environment for me as it first seemed. I don't know. I'm still thinking it over."

"I hope you do take it, Kuryakin-san," said Ami. "You would be great there. I'm sure any problems can be smoothed out. I'm hoping to get into their medical school. It would be wonderful if I did and if you were a professor there at the same time."

"Thank you, Miss Mizuno," he smiled at her warmly, "you've always been so wonderfully sweet and kind. Just like your mother. Again, I can't tell you how happy I am to see you so outgoing these days. I take it Miss Tsukino here is one of those friends who helped draw you out?"

"Yes, she is."

"Then I am doubly glad I met you today, Tsukino-san."

"Oh," said Ami suddenly remembering something, "I have been meaning to call you and ask. How did the private tutoring for Hotaru go?"

"You've been tutoring Hotaru? Hotaru Tomoe?" asked Usagi.

"Uh, yeah, I have," he said, and Usagi immediately picked up on the change in his voice. She and Ami had really cheered him up, and she liked him even better when he was happy. Now the despondency was instantly and jarringly back. "It … went well. I seem to have done her some good. She passed her midterms and finals just fine. She'll be going back to a regular school next term, I imagine."

"You imagine? You don't know?" Ami asked, puzzled.

"By the way," said Usagi to Ami, "I saw Hotaru-chan with Setsuna-san shopping around here earlier and …"

"You did?" Kuryakin interrupted. "Miss Tsukino, when did you see them last?"

"About half an hour ago."

"Where?"

"They went over there, actually," Usagi pointed toward a row of shops. He looked very intently in the direction she pointed.

"Any idea where they were going after that?" he asked, and then started looking behind and around.

She shook her head.

"I really need to be going," he said quickly. "Ladies, thank you, for being such charming company. You've both reminded me of some important things. Thank you, and good day. Miss Mizuno, I'm serious about being available to help you. You too, Funny Bunny," he added with a wink.

'_Funny Bunny? Well, at least he didn't call me Dumpling Head,' _thought Usagi.

Then he left, walking briskly in the direction opposite of that which Usagi had given him.

"That's strange," said Usagi.

"Yes, if he wants to see Hotaru-chan or Setsuna-san, why is he going that way?" asked Ami. "It's like he wants to avoid them."

In Usagi's mind, it was only for the 'important things' that 'two' and 'two' ever attempted to make 'four.' Many could attest to failure, but it was happening now and with success.

"Ami-chan," she asked excitedly in a burst of insight, "doesn't Setsuna-san go to K.O. University?"

"Yes, she does."

"No, it couldn't be …," Usagi got a sly gleam in her eye. "If he taught Hotaru, then he must have met them, which means he met her … and I'll bet he … but then something must have happened … you don't think?"

"Think what?" asked a confused Ami.

"Ami-chan, wait here for Mamo-chan, and tell him I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Why?"

"You're supposed to be the smart one?" Usagi said haughtily as she ran off after Kuryakin.

"That was unnecessary," pouted Ami under her breath.

'_Funny Bunny. I kinda like that,'_ Usagi thought as she ran.

* * *

It was nearly fifty minutes before she came running back.

"Usa-ko, where have you been?" said Mamoru as he looked at his watch. "We were about to go looking for you. It's nearly time for us to meet the others and head over to Hikawa Shrine."

"Oh, sorry, Mamo-chan. That tall guy we were sitting with? He's a really good private tutor," she said breathlessly as she winked at Ami, "and I wanted to ask him a couple of questions. And then I ran into Hotaru-chan and talked to her for a bit," she said archly, as Ami noticed the ecstatic _'and boy, have I got some gossip'_ glint in her eyes, and now understood.

"Glad to see you taking your studies more seriously, Usa-ko," Mamoru replied, deciding that was sufficient justification for the absence, "but your food has gotten cold."

"Oh, that's okay," she said, as she grabbed it and began wolfing it down. "All this running has given me an appetite."

* * *

It was early evening and already dark out. Kuryakin was sitting in an internet café. There were a few TVs going in the background. He was poking around at a few websites that interested him, but his mind wasn't really on it. A device that he carried with him at all times had signaled him twice today, and was doing so again. He ignored it.

Earlier, as he quickly exited the Juubancho shopping district, Funny Bunny had caught up to him. He sensed her coming and thought about evading her, but after one got over the quirkiness, she was so pleasant to be around, he allowed her to catch up. After a bit of trying to explain herself, she had just come right out with it and asked if he had fallen in love with Setsuna Meioh. He was very surprised; she had not struck him as quick witted. After a moment of pondering how she had pieced this together from just a few minutes conversation with him, he responded with a wan smile and a little nod. He gave her a few of the details. Sweetheart that she was, Tsukino-san looked as though it was just the most wonderful thing she'd heard in a long time. She looked sad that things hadn't worked out so far. There was little more to say. Usagi didn't want pry any further, and truthfully, she didn't know Setsuna-san very well, so he couldn't really offer him any advice. However, like the man before her, she was someone who would give the best of what she had, in this case, encouragement.

"You haven't given up have you?" she asked.

"Well, no, but … it's not up to me now."

"Well," she said, very sympathetically, "Setsuna-san is a very mysterious person, but I know she's always been alone, and maybe if you just keep trying … she'll, I dunno, get used to you."

He chuckled at that.

"Say, Mister, what did you think of Hotaru-chan?"

The smile that came over his face was beyond merely wistful. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for that girl."

'_Awww,'_ thought Usagi. _'He didn't just fall for Setsuna, and that's just the kind of care Hotaru needs.'_ "And you must have met Haruka-san, and Michiru-san."

"Ah yes," he smiled, "The Kittens."

Usagi burst into embarrassingly loud peals of laughter. "That's what you call them?" she said, unable to stop giggling.

"Yes," he said, smiling. Her laughter was quite infectious. "Why is that so fun- … Oh wait, let me guess: you've been hit upon by Tomboy Kitten, have you?"

"I'm a 'little kitten' to her, but it's all relative, I guess, so she's one to you," said Usagi, nodding and finally getting control of herself. "Gawd, but that is funny. I'm so glad I met you today, sir. I hope you don't give up," she said earnestly, wanting to encourage him now more than ever.

"Hey, listen," he said as she turned to go, "if you should accidentally run in to Hotaru-chan back there, please don't tell her I was here today. I wouldn't want her to think I was trying to avoid seeing her. I just need some time alone, ne?"

Usagi smiled and nodded. If she ran into Hotaru-chan again, it wasn't going to be by accident.

"I hope I see you around, Mister Kuryakin," she said waving as she left.

'_Dja, Funny Bunny,' _he thought, as he watched her retreating figure and chuckled at how her flying ponytails made him think of a kite in a typhoon._ 'I'm glad I met you too. It explains a great deal.'_

The café crowd was thinning out a bit. He clicked on a few more websites, signaled the waiter, and ordered another green tea with crème de menthe. As the waiter left, he noticed the device in his jacket pocket was getting warm. That meant a priority message had come.

* * *

Setsuna and Hotaru sat at the dinner table eating some curry they'd brought home from the shopping venture. Hotaru still wouldn't talk to her, but she could sense that her young charge was slowly resolving matters. She hoped that Hotaru wouldn't be incommunicado much longer.

Earlier today, she had gone into a dressing room to try on several things, and when she finally came out, she saw Tsukino-san talking to Hotaru. At first Setsuna, thought nothing of it, but upon seeing her, Hotaru became very furtive in her conversation, and Tsukino-san looked at her with a knowing little smile on her face. She went over to them.

"Konnichi wa, Setsuna-san," Tsukino-san said. "That looks very, very nice on you."

"Thank you, Tsukino-san," she said. "What are you and Hotaru chatting about?"

"Oh, nothing," Usagi said, but her smile had gotten bigger and even more knowing.

At that point, she wanted to suggest that Tsukino-san ought to be heading over to Hikawa Shrine, but she would have trouble explaining why she knew about that. Usagi saved her the trouble. "Well, it was nice seeing you both. I have to get back to the others. We're headed over the Rei's in a bit."

"Oh," said Setsuna, "having a girls' night at Hikawa?"

"Actually, Mamo-chan is coming, too. We're going to study and watch movies."

'_Good,'_ thought Setsuna, _'if something is up, the Prince will be in a safe place, too.'_ "Well, have fun, Tsukino-san."

"Thank you, Setsuna-san," she said as she turned to go. "That _really, really_ does look nice on you."

Seeing Usagi Tsukino would have been fine little diversion, except Setsuna couldn't avoid the sneaking suspicion that, somehow, Tsukino-san had puzzled out the highlights of the last four months in the Outer Planet Senshis' lives, that Hotaru had just filled in the details for her, and that Mister Kuryakin had gained another tacit ally in his quest for her heart.

Hotaru was also thinking of meeting Usagi that afternoon. At first, Hotaru was kind of hurt that Kuryakin, finding out she was nearby, quickly acted to avoid any chance meetings, but then Usagi, seeing that she had blundered into breaking her promise not to tell Hotaru she'd just met Peter Kuryakin, explained that he didn't want Hotaru to think he was avoiding her. Hotaru understood; he had said 'one week' and he meant it. While Setsuna-momma was in the dressing stall, Hotaru had time to tell Usagi the whole story. They shared a good laugh when she got to the part about "The Kittens," something Hotaru found almost as amusing as Usagi did. Hotaru had managed to read between the lines of Usagi's parting comment about how nice Setsuna looked. She was saying, "He seems nice, and you're such a lovely woman, Setsuna. Why won't you give this a chance? Why are you fighting it so?"

Hotaru couldn't have agreed more. She was so glad to have run into Usagi. The Princess had given Hotaru the final piece of the answer she was looking for. Headlights flashed through the windows of the house. "The Kittens" were home. Hotaru smiled. The board was set; the pieces, in place.

* * *

Kuryakin had checked the message. It was troubling enough, but nothing compared to the CNN-Japan breaking news story he'd noticed after reading it. He would have thought nothing of it, except that the location given was Edgeton-Upon-Sea, a small village in northern England that he knew of for a very specific reason.

Now his internet meanderings took on a sudden focus and urgency. He checked the CNN-US webpage, but it had little. He went to the BBC home page, and clicked on 'UK version,' and saw what he was looking for. He needed to encode a message to home. It was a long one, and it ended with the words "have any uninvited guests crashed the party?" This prompted what one would normally call 'a flurry' of long and urgent messages back and forth, except that the transmission time through the corridor was too long to permit a 'flurry'. Kuryakin continued his search for new information as he waited. Then the next message came.

* * *

Hotaru headed upstairs, ostensibly, to get ready for bed. The phone rang and Setsuna said she'd get it as Haruka and Michiru headed upstairs as well. She was about to pick up the receiver when she noticed the name on the Caller ID. It was Mister Kuryakin. Setsuna sighed, quickly lifted the receiver, and replaced it. Then she unplugged the phone. He was the last person she wanted to hear from just now. She picked up her cup of tea and went into the receiving room to think. She sat down on an ottoman, and stared at the corner table where the music box Mister Kuryakin had given her sat stilled and silent, its crystal vase empty. The rose bud that now sat in the kitchen waste basket had bloomed very nicely before succumbing to its fate.

She took a sip of her tea and realized that she was using the cup Hotaru had made for her, and was holding it in the saucer that Kuryakin-san had made. How clever and subtle he'd been, like the filigree on the bottom of the saucer. Hotaru had been as moody today as she had been since Friday night, and she continued to blame him for it. His presence in Hotaru's life was going to take a lot of undoing. Yesterday, after Rei Hino had called her, she sat in this very spot thinking very angry thoughts. In her mind's eye, she could see herself hurling that music box through the window and hearing it collide gratifyingly with a tree. She had felt the same way about the saucer, but she stopped short of putting such plans into action because she couldn't imagine the saucer being destroyed without the cup somehow being destroyed along with it. Still, it was quite enjoyable to think about.

Except …

'_Is this truly who I am now?' _she wondered as she drained the cup. Then she headed upstairs to bed.

* * *

Hotaru stared into the mirror as she brushed her teeth. Much as she had the night before she contrived to bring Kuryakin and Setsuna together, she felt it was necessary to review all the known facts, and the events and her thoughts about them before proceeding. Accordingly, she had spent the last hour thinking very hard about how much she loved each of her guardians, and how wonderful they were. She thought of strong, proud Haruka: graceful, elegant Michiru: and …well, Setsuna-momma was going to require an extra special effort on her part. As she did, there burst forth within her a realization.

'_You look like you have authority in the matter …'_ Kuryakin-san had once said to her. And so she did. She had once, long ago, slain them. And when she was to reappear during the Infinity Crisis, they were rightly terrified of her coming. They knew almost nothing of her; she knew almost nothing of them. And yet, as the battle progressed, they began to understand each other. In the end, it was Sailor Pluto who, in anguish, screamed Sailor Saturn's name as The Senshi of Destruction sacrificed herself to drive the Invader from the Tau Nebula back into his dimension.

'_Authority in the matter.'_

Yes, she had long ago slain them, and, more recently, she had quickened them, too, after they had lost their powers, and they had begun to raise her. _L'Enfant terrible_ -in spades!- though she sometimes was, they were true to their promise, and if they had not, exactly, loved her at the beginning, they had all come to it sooner or later. Maybe that's the point. You can reason yourself away from things as surely as you can reason yourself to them. Real knowledge is in the doing, in the suffering, in the joy. They loved her truly, and it was that which enabled Hotaru to give them back their powers. She was always the key to the Outers, just as Usagi was the key to the Inners.

Hotaru smiled. The Cold Look came into her eyes, and a faint aura of pink surrounded her.

She was ready to … apologize.


	26. Chapter 07 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 7 –Bloody Sunday**

**(Part 4) **

* * *

**Epigraphs**

For the Life of the Flesh is in the Blood ...

**Leviticus 17:11, The Bible **

"… then again, maybe death is just nature's way of saying: try again."

**- The Tick **

* * *

**The Destroyer of the Invalid Old – I**

* * *

Hotaru waited until she saw Haruka head to the bathroom down the hall. All things being equal that would give her about twenty minutes alone with Michiru-momma. She stuck her head inside the door. Michiru was still in 'her bathroom'. She jumped up on the bed and waited. Michiru came out about five minutes later.

"Hotaru?"

"Konban wa, Michiru-momma. May I talk with you for a little bit?"

"Certainly," she smiled, sat down next to her and pulled Hotaru close.

"You were right," Hotaru began, "about a lot of things."

"I usually am," she smiled. "But what do you mean, in this case?"

"Setsuna-momma …"

"Ah, yes … well, Hotaru, I've thought a lot about her, and you. I wonder if you can realize how much of a mystery you both are to Haruka and me."

"We are?"

"Yes. She is because she hides things so very well. And you are, beautiful Hotaru," Michiru smiled as she stroked the Littlest Senshi's hair, "because you are … well, like a flower that hasn't opened up all the way, yet."

Hotaru smiled.

"So, what of Setsuna?" Michiru asked. "How was I right?"

"That she is a minefield. But those exist to defend something …"

"And to … prevent passage, as it were. Poor Mister Kuryakin."

"Yes," Hotaru half-giggled, "and to give a warning. I wonder what it is she is protecting."

"I don't know. I've actually been thinking a little about that myself."

"And what have you concluded?" asked Hotaru, expectantly.

"I think she's trying to protect her … innocence."

"What a sweet thing to think, Michiru-momma."

"That has nothing to do with it, Hotaru. You said we were all sacrificial lambs. In a way, you were right. Don't think for a minute that any hard thing she's had to do hasn't cost her something. It _always_ costs her something. But there is still an innocence inside her, waiting for a kind of a release, I think."

"I think sweetness has everything to do with it, Michiru-momma," said Hotaru. A strange feeling of cold began to creep into the room, enough to cause Michiru to shiver with it.

'_Is the window open?' _No, it was shut tight.

"Ev'-ry-thing, Michiru-momma," Hotaru said quite firmly, as she began hugging Michiru around the neck. "I'm not surprised that you think a lot about Setsuna-momma. After all, she is one you … killed."

"I know, Hotaru," Michiru said, her voice starting to break. "I … know."

"But that is how we fight, eh?" Hotaru said with a strangely wistful sigh. "Michiru-momma? What do you think of Mister Kuryakin?"

"I don't know. I was very interested to see if Setsuna could accept someone other than her unrequited love, but … she hasn't. I thought I liked him. I want to like him, but …"

"What did Setsuna-momma say to him?" Hotaru asked, this time in a voice that would brook no failure to get an answer to that question.

"She said it was not him she was thinking of when he kissed her," said Michiru.

"Oho, silly Setsuna-momma," Hotaru scoffed.

"It could well be true."

"Not a chance. You didn't see them kiss," Hotaru responded. "Michiru-momma, whatever happens, I will never, _ever_ forget him."

"Oh Hotaru, I'm sorry," Michiru said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I should not have said that. I should have understood how much it … how much he … meant … uh, means … to you. I am sorry, dear little princess. I thought I was being realistic, but I guess I was just being …"

"Cold and snobbish?"

'_Let's do something about that …' _ Hotaru wrapped her arms tightly around Michiru's head, pulling her to her breast. "Michiru-momma," Hotaru smiled, as her voice became a whisper, "you really are a beautiful, glorious princess. You are grace itself in motion, and there is a warm and wonderful love, deep as the seas, inside of you. Don't just horde it for Haruka-poppa. Don't be afraid to let it out more. Don't worry. It might cause inconveniences from time to time, but it will never really hurt you, and you'll get more love in return."

Michiru shuddered under Hotaru's chin.

"You should sleep now, Michiru-momma."

* * *

Kuryakin found a place where he could be alone. He pulled out the device in his pocket and said "BBC expanded image." It began projecting the video of the BBC into mid-air. The signal was very grainy and faded in and out.

'_Oy, these people have a lot to learn about maintaining transmission integrity.' _

Worse, the BBC was in a commercial now. Brilliant! If what he thought happened actually had, this was a hideous disaster. He sat there fuming for a minute. Two commercials later, the report that caught his eye began again. The crawl said "Breaking News – Edgeton-Upon-Sea." That was where he landed thirteen years ago.

Had the corridor been compromised? How? It just couldn't be. But nothing else could explain these grainy images coming out of England.

* * *

**The Destroyer of the Invalid Old – II**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

"All I ever wanted was to defend _her_ - with _these two hands _…"

**Sailor Uranus, Infinity Arc (Manga)**

* * *

Haruka opened the door to the bedroom, and pulled up suddenly. She was struck by two things: the strange sense of cold in the room, and the scene before her. Hotaru was erect, though on her knees, in the middle of their bed, with a strange smile on her face and a rather fierce look in her eyes. Michiru's head was turned to one side, her mouth was open and her tongue hanging out slightly. She appeared to be, not asleep, but unconscious, or even …

"Hotaru? What's wrong with Michiru?"

"Oh nothing, Haruka-poppa. She's just sleeping."

"Sleeping?" said Haruka, eying her suspiciously.

"She's fine," said Hotaru. "You need to sleep too, Haruka-poppa. Come here."

Haruka did not remember getting into bed, nor did she remember how exactly she came to be talking with Hotaru, who was suddenly sitting in her lap.

"Haruka-poppa?" she was saying, "I'm sorry I've been so moody lately. And I'm sorry for the way I said all those things the other night."

"Well," Haruka heard herself saying, "you really don't have to apologize, to me at least. You didn't offend me in any way."

"You're sure?" she asked, kittenishly. "I wondered if, from time to time, you weren't a little upset with how much Kuryakin-sensei has come to mean to me."

"No. I realize he's kind of become something of a father to you. Your heart big enough I think. I don't feel left out, or unappreciated, or upset, or threatened in any way. Maybe I … should, but I don't."

Hotaru smiled a very sweet smile. Though she was brash, cocky, and often seemed indifferent, Haruka was, in some ways, the best of them all, and, when off her guard, she could be so endearingly humble. And pliant. It was time to find out a few more things.

"Haruka-poppa, do you think Setsuna-momma is … innocent? I mean, you look at her sometimes with almost the same eyes as you look at ... Usagi-chan."

"Setsuna is an amazing woman," said Haruka. "I don't know if it's innocence I am seeing or what. I'm not really hitting on her, y'know? I don't usually do that with … girls older than me. Yes, there are times when I see her and the wildest thoughts come into my head. But no, it's a game, Hotaru, nothing more. I love Michiru. Period."

"What do you think of Kuryakin-sensei?"

"I think … he's really hurt inside, not so much because of what Setsuna did, but just because of who she is. I can imagine falling for her very, very hard," Haruka said, quite empathetically. "How much more so for him. He's more on her …'level.' She is fascinated by him, and he knows she is."

"I knew you'd understand," said Hotaru smiling even more. "Haruka-poppa, why do you so long to be the Princess's Champion?"

Haruka took a deep breath.

"The others misunderstand that. I complain that she is 'too sweet,' but the truth is … I adore her for it. More than I can say. I have never been 'innocent,' except maybe when I was very young. I want to be 'her champion,' as you say, to protect her innocence, her shine, her purity: to protect her from the realities I see so clearly: to dirty my own hands, and do the hard, nasty things, so she won't have to. Ever. It never quite works out that way, but that's what I try to protect her from, before anything else. It wasn't always this way, either, but now, it's not something I really, consciously, think about. When she is in danger, my blood roars and there is nothing to think about; I act. I'll do anything to defend her, even … even if it means I have to seem cruel toward her. Or even you," and here her voice broke, ever so slightly, "Hotaru, ... we did what we had to against Galaxia, but I'd give my life to take it back now."

"Speaking as the one you killed," said Hotaru, "I would rather you didn't. I ended your life once too, remember?"

True that, and this forgiveness from The Angel of Death, though odd, was … touching.

"Haruka-poppa, I think you are her champion, in a way. You are the one who wholly gives herself for her, without regret or fear, even to point of striking her, because when you give yourself that way, you awaken love in her. You try hardest of all, and when you lose, it awakens a power of sympathy – of 'same suffering'- within her. Have you noticed she is closest, by the tiniest bit, to those who are hardest on her? Hino-san among the Inner Planet Senshi? You among us? She knows that you have a strength she needs, but cannot bear-and still remain herself. It's like that story I read for my lessons about two sisters, one beautiful beyond compare, and the other very ugly. The ugly sister bore all the pain and sorrow of the story, so the beautiful one wouldn't have to, and in the end, she became beautiful too. Like you, Haruka-poppa."

"How did you get so smart?" Haruka whispered pensively.

"I've always had good teachers," she said, burying her face in Haruka's shoulder. "Even before this new one came along."

Haruka would have cried were it possible. Then the impossible happened. Hotaru, her knees in Haruka's lap, straightened up and hugged Haruka's head. Such things usually made Haruka uncomfortable, but tonight, she allowed it. She could not see Hotaru's face, but if she could, it might have frightened even her. Hotaru eyes were icy cold. Deep pains, remembered only in her most introspective moments, things she had not yet shared with anyone, even Michiru, welled up within her, and mingled into the tears pouring from her eyes:

'_How much had she lost because she simply couldn't let go of the desire to be her Princess's champion? It had cost her a bit of the closeness she once had with Hotaru. Only a little of it, of course. And yet, just now, it seemed like so terrible a price. To defend HER, against all comers, with her own two hands? How much had she lost because she had to try and win, before trusting her princess? Sailor Star Fighter was right: it was because she trusted her princess that she could risk terrible things. But she could not trust her enough to risk the most terrible thing: to surrender, and let Sailor Moon be her champion. She always had to be finally driven down in defeat.'_

"Oh, Haruka-poppa," said Hotaru, speaking as though she could see Haruka's thoughts, "By losing, and even dying, having tried everything, you give her, in the moment she needs it, the hardness she cannot carry and still be who she is. She never becomes strong enough, until everything is taken from her. Losing you hurts her as much as losing anyone else does, and maybe a little bit more. It can't be any other way. Be at peace, Haruka-poppa. You have all the love _she_ can give you."

"You could be a queen yourself one day, My Kitten," she said, her voice filling with sweet release.

"You should sleep now, Haruka-poppa."

Before leaving the room, she arranged the two deathly limp bodies so that they were, sort of, holding each other.

* * *

Transmission time through the corridor was about 45 minutes: an hour and a half round trip, so Kuryakin thought he would have a definitive answer in the next two hours or so. At least he'd better. For now, he would proceed by assuming the worst, that one of them had somehow managed to get here, by coming through the corridor.

Who would have his 'scent' on them? Who had he spent enough time with in the last two months or so? Only one name came to mind. He got out his phone and tried again to reach Miss Meioh's house. Nothing. He then dialed each of The Kittens' cell phones. No answer. He left messages. He dialed Miss Meioh's cell phone, and when he got no answer there, he did the same.

* * *

**The Destroyer of the Invalid Old - III**

* * *

**Epigraph: **

"Such, my angels, is the role of sex in history." –

**Eleanor of Aquitaine, The Lion in Winter**

* * *

"Setsuna-momma? May I come in?"

"Of course," said Setsuna, who was propped up reading a science journal. She set it down next to a fashion magazine, and patted the bed covers next to her.

"Come up here."

Hotaru hopped up next to her, and then hugged her, very affectionately.

"I'm sorry for being so harsh the other night, and so moody since."

'_Finally,'_ thought Setsuna. "We have had an interesting few months, have we not?"

"Hmmm, Setsuna-momma, your hair is so soft," Hotaru said, hugging her head now, as she stroked her shiny emerald tinted locks. "And you always smell so nice. And you're so wise, and so graceful, and so pretty, and so womanly."

This was pleasant, though puzzling, to Setsuna. It was not unusual for Hotaru to come talk to her before going to bed, but usually there was some purpose and not just this unusual show of affection. She began hoping Hotaru would elaborate on her apology a bit. She didn't care so much about that for her own sake, but she was hoping to see signs that she was "letting go" of her tutor and preparing to move on.

"Did you wish to talk about anything else?"

"Not especially. I just want you to know that I love you. You are still my hope, Setsuna-momma."

"Your … hope?"

"Yes. You always have been. I want to be a beautiful and graceful woman like you. To have a life filled with meaning, but hopefully happiness too."

"Yes, Hotaru, meaning comes first. There is nothing meaningful in a false happiness."

"It's just that, lately, sometimes, I really do think I should never be allowed to live a life. It seems like nothing good comes of me being around and someone who has to do what I have to do shouldn't be allowed to form attachments anyway. I should just be kept in storage until I'm needed."

"Hotaru, I know the isolation of which you speak. But please do not say such things."

"Why? Maybe that goes for all us Outer Planet Senshi, too?"

"You've other duties, other abilities as well. I think your ability to heal injuries is a good thing to have around, and not keep in storage."

"I suppose," Hotaru said.

"And I want you to be around. I … I need you, my dear child. But even without that," Setsuna continued, "you have every right to a life of your own, and all that entails."

Hotaru kissed Setsuna on the cheek, and then resumed hugging her head and stroking her hair. Troubling though the last few days had been, Setsuna could get to like a more mature Hotaru. If this was the result, if this was a sign of growth, she had no real complaints.

"Setsuna-momma," she said after a few minutes, "you have every right to a life too, you know."

"My life is satisfactory to me," she said, sincerely enough, though for some reason her eyes began misting a little.

"Then why do you seem so sad all the time?"

"I am not always sad. I understand why it seems that way, though."

"You truly have everything you want?" she said, trying to be careful. "No further hopes or dreams?"

"Oh, I have hopes and dreams, yes."

"What's the biggest thing you hope for?"

"To see the golden age come as it ought."

"Assume it does. What happens after that?"

"Of that, I no longer know. _'Because I am dead. This now is my 'after'.' _Her eyes misted again.

"Setsuna-momma?"

"Yes?"

"Was there a flaw in the Silver Millennium Moon Kingdom?"

'_Ah, now we are arriving at the real purpose of this conversation,'_ Setsuna thought. She considered the question for a long time before answering, but the longer she waited, the more obvious it became that she too had often thought of such things.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"What was it?" Hotaru asked, as though a great deal hinged on the answer.

"I do not fully understand it myself. We were so far away. You know of how we had nothing more to sustain us than the faraway light of our queen and princess. My own belief is that the Moon Kingdom was perfect, but it was too narrow a perfection."

'_Yes,'_ thought Hotaru. _'Exactly. Not inclusive enough, perhaps by necessity, but still not even enough to include happiness for its most faithful servant …'_

"Have you ever wondered why Princess Serenity fell in love … with … an earthling?"

"Yes, I have," Hotaru said. Now that she knew who Setsuna loved, she noticed that she could not or would not say the man's name, at least not in the context of Princess Serenity's love for him. "What do you think about it, Setsuna-momma?"

"There must have been a reason why she was never interested in anyone on the moon. She was always curious about earth, even without having ever gone there. Her guardians tried to shelter her, of course, but the more she found out, the more she wanted to see it for herself. When she did, she began to feel pity for the earthlings because of their short life spans. She went there often. Her mother knew of it, of course. I suppose it was inevitable that Princess Serenity would fall in love with … with one."

"Why can't you say his name, Setsuna-momma?" she asked, holding her head a little tighter.

"Do not ask me that, Hotaru. In one way, it simply does not matter. In another, it matters more than I can ever speak of. Do not ask me that, please."

"I never knew. I'm sorry to make you think of things you don't wish to. Please forgive me."

"It is all right," Setsuna said quietly. "I am not saying that all would have been different had Princess Serenity not fallen in love with an earthling. The Kingdom would have gone on for quite sometime really. Hers was … a forbidden match, at the time, though perhaps that forbidding was the manifestation, the codification, of the flaw. Still, considering … who it was, it made the task of spreading envy and discord into the highest echelons of earth's hierarchy that much simpler for our enemies. So the 'flaw' in the Moon Kingdom was that perfection was not enough. Mere immortality never is."

"Yes," Hotaru said, élan coming into her voice. "I see now. _In the wrong hands, immortality is the very death of love-_ for _love is only surpassing sweet when it is given to something that is mortal._' That's what it meant. Of course, _she_ would be drawn _only_ to a person with whom love could be so surpassingly sweet. That's how she is."

'_In the wrong hands, immortality is the very death of love…?'_ thought Setsuna. In her vanity mirror, Setsuna could see that Hotaru's eyes were bright, even tearful, and that she was smiling now.

"I see it now," Hotaru said with awe, as her own spoken words mingled with the thoughts within her. "I was called upon to end the Moon Kingdom, so _that_ perfection – _that_ love- could be spread to earth. And when death came to the immortal people of the moon, they felt the sweetness of what they'd had, possibly for the first time. The queen saw it in a way no one had seen it for a very long time, and gave her life to begin it again. That's why, in stories, it's always so poignant when the immortal princess gives up that immortality to fall in love with a mortal man. _'The secret of ultimate sweetness is bound up with the bitterness of death.' _And thus, through the death of the princess, and the end of all things, the surpassing sweetness could come to the moon people. And to us perhaps? Because of it, I have known a bit of love in this Now. That is what must change. That's what I do. I end things, so something better can begin. It can't happen any other way. It's so sad, but it just can't. So someone must do it. Princess Serenity had already purposed this in her heart. I destroyed the remnants of the kingdom, including all of us, so that for which she wished, perhaps without even knowing it, could come. We are living in her purpose, even now. Thank you, Setsuna-momma."

"_Love is only surpassing sweet_ … ? Where did you hear such a thing?" Setsuna asked, then immediately realized the answer, and sighed. Hotaru knew she'd answered her own question. "I know he is … special to you, Hotaru," Setsuna said, sighing again. "I feel it was a mistake to let him teach you, but there is no undoing it now."

"I can't believe you really mean that. It was not a mistake and I'm not sorry in the least," she smiled. _'Okay, I wasn't going to bring him up until she did. Now it is time, Setsuna-momma … I will be gentle, I promise…'_

"You should _not_ see him anymore," Setsuna said, and immediately knew she should not have said it. It was she herself who madly did, yet violently _did not_, want to so much as hear his name _ever_ again. Unbidden, her face flushed and her eyes began to moisten.

"Did you enjoy driving him away, Setsuna-momma?" Hotaru asked, ignoring Setsuna's suggestion to the point of annihilation.

She was going to say 'no,' as she had the hundred times since that night she'd asked herself that question. The lie, partial though it was, died unceremoniously on her lips.

"Perhaps, I did, Hotaru …"

"When he brought me back home," Hotaru smiled, "he begged me to help you. Literally begged. 'Help her, because I can't,' he said. The more you protest against it, the more convinced I am you feel something for him, deeply."

"Please, Hotaru," she pleaded as she closed her eyes tightly, "I feel nothing for him. Do not speak of this anymore."

"You're still lying, Setsuna-momma," she said, very softly and gently. Then her voice settled into a sing song lilt. "If you don't feel anything for him then why does it matter if I speak of it? It's okay. He's right. You just did what you always do. You've been a great and good woman, and you have always put duty and the good of others before yourself. Any other time, it would be proof of your love, and your loyalty, and your purity. But this time, you misread the situation. Though you did it for all the right reasons, you truly wronged someone. It's okay, though. He doesn't blame you, or hate you. Nor do I. He could never hate you."

The weight of something very heavy seemed to descend on Setsuna. It pressed down on her, immobilizing her. The Cold Look had come into Hotaru's eyes. She smiled a terrible smile and said, "He will have you in the end, I think."

"Please stop …," Setsuna gasped quietly, as she involuntarily shuddered a bit.

"Setsuna-momma? My hope? My dream? I love you," she continued in the sweet, mesmerizing, sing song voice, "He loves you, too. You're his hope, his dream, too, now. Hmmm," she said as she kissed Setsuna's hair with a kiss that was as much from him as her. "Oh, poor Setsuna-momma, I helped someone unsettle all the things that were long settled in you."

"Please, stop …"

"You were unsettled from the day you met him," Hotaru whispered, "but really it was the kiss that sealed it, I think. My, how he kissed you that night."

"Please, no more, Hotaru." She was begging now, biting her lip, as a few hot tears came utterly unbidden, and fell from her eyes. It was sweet, that kiss. She could not deny it, not now, not ten thousand years from now: nor could she deny how many times since she had awakened from dreaming of it, and damned herself for that: nor, when awake, could she deny how many times she had shaken herself, as her breath caught, from an unguarded moment of longing to be kissed that way again: nor, worst of all, could she deny that in that moment, and ever since, the only thing on her mind was the man that held her in that moment. In all her dealings with time and space, that lie –with which she drove him away- may have been the only, truly heinous act she'd ever committed.

"You really _are_ hurting now. It's okay," Hotaru whispered more gently now to her, "I'm here. I'll be quiet now, even though he would want me to say all the things to you that he can not: like how _good_ …"

"Please …"

"… and _how_ beautiful …," Hotaru whispered even more softly.

'_Please.'_

"… and how wonderful you are."

'_No more,'_ Setsuna wept.

"… but consider them said," she smiled sweetly. "You should sleep now, beautiful Setsuna, my dear mother."

She kissed Setsuna's hair, brushed a cheek against hers, and slid down into her lap. Setsuna's eyes closed, squeezing out a few final tears that rolled down her cheeks. She reflexively wrapped her arms around Hotaru as she collapsed.

The Destroyer of the Invalid Old dozed, in and out. Though she'd never quite heard it put that way, she had always known, intuitively, this was who she was. What made this difficult to accept was that she could see no way for it to ever end. Now, she began to see the inner workings of history and could sense, as her teacher had said, that it was 'going somewhere,' and that there might, one day, be an end to her endings. With that hope, her existence was not so horrible that she couldn't live with herself. _'Yes, there is some purpose, a progress in my doings, I am sure of it.'_ Every act of destruction, though terrible, brought her closer to the day when she would no longer have to end things. Her tutor had been the most wonderful thing to happen to her since meeting Chibiusa, not because of his pedagogical abilities, but because he strove -indeed she could feel that _he longed_ with all his great heart- to see the unique individual that was Hotaru, and to understand her sorrows and her dreams. In doing so, he'd given her the most precious gifts possible: love, hope and the strength to go on. She loved the man, and would never stop, and armed with the hope he'd given her, maybe that vague dream of foreboding would leave her be. Her fear of dreaming it tonight dissolved into thoughts of brave sacrifice. How much more did she admire the first Queen Serenity for her actions. She sighed in bliss filled awe at the utter goodness of it. It was love, sacrificing itself, longing for that which is perfect and giving itself for it, that made the suffering in the moment of destruction so beautiful. How much more she would fight to keep the process going whereby the thing for which her queen died would eventually come.

'_Yes,'_ Hotaru thought, _'I will play my part, and hold nothing back till my life burns out.'_ Hours passed, and other than Hotaru burrowing deeper into Setsuna's limp embrace, both slept perfectly and comfortably still in this fashion. _'I will always be with you, Setsuna-momma. I will always love you, and comfort you. I am truly sorry I did things to unsettle you so. But things must resettle in a new way now. Tomorrow I shall tell you: for you must told … he shares our secret.''_

The passing of clouds overhead caused the faint blue light from the waxing gibbous moon to fade in and out. These sweet nocturnal oscillations coaxed her to sleep again and again, as the soft but deeper breathing of the Soldier of Revolutions made a gentle counter rhythm to them. It was as if her gentle if slightly troubled breathing intended to rouse Hotaru just so the night could tempt her to sleep again. She was glad of it, for she wanted to be conscious of both the peace she felt in this moment, and of falling asleep, again and again, in the midst of it.

'_How beautiful she is,'_ thought Hotaru whenever she looked up at her. In moments like these, Hotaru could believe without rhetoric or poetry that every beauty of the universe was somehow distilled into the woman she so loved and admired. Though in different ways, this woman was as mesmerizing to her as she must surely be to any man who crossed her path. The beautiful and the good were not the same; that was pretty obvious to her now, and yet all good was beautiful in the end. Setsuna was as good a woman as anyone could be. Though, on Hotaru's view, she had done something very wrong, it was an evidence of her complexity as a person, not any desire to hurt another. Surely, she could not have truly desired to hurt him? Not really?

In times like this, she could almost believe that Setsuna was her biological mother, and that she could, by sheer heredity, hope to become as beautiful and wonderful. In times like these, she could almost believe that no matter bad things seemed, all would be well in the end. _'Yes, he will have you in the end, I think. In so many ways, he is so much like the one you love. You'll see it eventually. I am sorry, Setsuna-momma. I am not trying to make you do something you do not want. If I hadn't watched you so closely these last few months, and seen how different being around him made you act, I could let this rest. But no, something in my mind says … this will be: this MUST be."_

How long could such a shining moment stay hidden before something evil caught wind of it and brought such joy to a halt? Yet, it continued for a while. New rhythms joined in: the rapping,- irregular it seemed at first, but then part of a larger pattern - of a branch on a window sill at the whim of an inconsistent wind, a faraway squall that gave off distant flashes of lighting, followed by the slow passing rumble of thunder, the intermittent passing of a lone car on the nearby highway. There was such beautiful, unmerited, ineluctable peace in this moment, surely it was one of those things that must die to be so sweet.

Two hours, two precious, mercy-filled hours passed.

And then it did.

* * *

Hotaru was startled awake by a distant sound, but she wasn't sure what it was. Just as she was about to chalk it up to a dream and fall back into slumber, she heard the sound of an accelerating car, and then the sound of it screeching to a halt outside the house. Mere moments later, there was a loud banging on the door, and a loud voice screaming out "Hotaru!? Miss Meioh?! Kittens!?"

It was Kuryakin, and his voice was incredibly urgent. Hotaru shot out of the bed, and, turning on the lights as she went, ran as fast as she could to the door. His voice was thundering through it.

"Hotaru?! Miss Meioh?! KITTENS!!"

"I really hate that guy calling us that," said Haruka, flashing an angry glance at the clock.

Hotaru pounded down the hall, nearly slammed into the door, and began fumbling with the lock. Then she flung the door open and looked up. Even though she now knew, more or less, that he must be from another world, she was a little shocked, for she was sure Kuryakin's eyes had just ceased glowing with pure white light as he looked down at her.

"Hotaru! Oh, thank God," his voice rasped.

He collapsed to his knees, his hands landing heavily on her shoulders and pulling her into an embrace.

"Thank God. Something was wrong with your phone. I couldn't get through. I thought the worst had happened. No matter, this is where I had to come anyway, but oh God, I was so afraid, I was just sure … you … I was afraid I was going to open this door and see you all dead, or worse. How could they let this happen? … Oh Hotaru, Hotaru," he gasped. "Thank God you're safe. Thank God …"

He was shaking badly, but now began recovering himself.

"What's happened?"

Haruka and Michiru had come down.

"What are you doing here?" Haruka barked.

"Something very terrible has happened," he said, clearly shaken. "All of you are now in great danger."

Setsuna joined them. She was wearing a silken purple robe over a shimmering pink negligee, and though her bun-less hair was bit disheveled and she looked quite a bit different, she couldn't be prettier for it. She flew down the stairs with her robe trailing after her, a very angel descending from heaven. Anxious as he was, his eyes widened, his breath caught, and he couldn't help but gawk as his mouth dropped wide open. She looked heavenward, and sighed as she tightened her robe around her. He lowered his eyes, as Hotaru shook her head and quietly snickered.

"Something truly horrible has happened; I have spent the last half hour in the sheer terror of your very lives; and yet there you stand and here I sit, unable to prevent myself from wondering: Miss Meioh, is there ever a time of the day when you are not surpassingly lovely?"

Michiru also chuckled, shaking her head.

"What are you doing here?" Setsuna barked angrily, and more curtly than anyone had ever heard from her.

A slightly hurt look flashed across his face for a moment, then he scowled and stood up defiantly.

"All right. Forgive my rudeness. This is your house. Normally I am more worried about understanding others than being understood myself. But whatever problems you think I've caused you, Miss Meioh, you came to me first. Maybe you could take that into consideration and cut me a little slack. Now, pardon me for a moment."

He looked around like a hunting dog trying to catch sight of something, and they all saw it. His eyes began to glow with white light. At times, the glow pulsed, like a pair of strobe lights, changing speeds, and even colors. Hotaru and Setsuna rightly surmised he had some sort of omni-spectral scanning ability. He seemed to be looking right through the house itself.

"No sign so far. Now that I'm here, I hope it shows up."

"Hope what shows up? What's happened?" asked Hotaru.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black cylindrical object that looked like tall spool of wire and held it up.

"May as well get comfortable, Bishoujo Senshi-tach'," he said with a heavy sigh, as the three elder women looked at each other with varying degrees of surprise. "We've messed up badly, and now I'll have to tell you everything."

* * *

**A/N: **_That scene at the end with Hotaru and Setsuna is the image in my mind that started this whole mess. This story has an arch-like structure and that scene, along with the added scenes for Haruka and Michiru, was the vertex. Now for the rest of the story ...  
_


	27. Chapter 08 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

_A Fantasia on themes and characters from _

_Naoko Takeuchi's Bishoujo Senshi Sela Muun_

_and The Cosmic Trilogy of C.S. Lewis_

* * *

**Chapter 008 – Spiral Curricula **

**(Part 1)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

_It is always simple to fall: there are an infinity of angles at which one falls: _

_only one at which one stands. To have fallen … would indeed have been obvious and tame._

_But to have avoided it has been one whirling adventure…_

**- G. K. Chesterton – Orthodoxy**

* * *

"How do you know what we are?" demanded Haruka.

"Please," he said quickly, "there is something more important for you to see, first. I'm not a threat. Well, I'm as little a threat as someone who knows your secret can be, anyway. You all have a satellite TV, right? I saw the dish."

"Yes."

"Do you get the BBC channels?"

"Yes," Haruka replied as she took a remote and turned on the television. She began surfing the channels, and then Kuryakin shouted, "Stop there! There it is!"

The logo said Breaking News and gave the location of "Edgeton-upon-Sea."

"That's north of Newcastle …"

"… in England on the North Sea, then," said Hotaru.

He smiled at her. "Can you turn it up?"

"… _going to Roger Burnham who is at the scene. Roger, what's happening now?"_

"_Mark, the military have arrived in full force, and are presently establishing a cordon around the town. No one is going to be allowed in except by permission. We were told an hour ago that Edgeton and environs had been placed under martial law, and after consultations with home office, that in fact that it has been placed under what they are calling 'special security status'."_

"_Roger, what does 'special security status' mean?"_

"_To be perfectly blunt, Mark, it means no one in or out until Scotland Yard, MI6 and everyone else can figure out what the bloody hell happened. It looks like an episode of the X-files here, right now."_

"_Roger, can you recap what we know so far?"_

"_It's all very sketchy, Mark. We've only just now been able to piece together a coherent narrative, mainly from people who received phone calls from the area. Here's what we have so far. About five this morning, local police in this small seaside community of 250 people were called to quell a disturbance, which had erupted in the house of Marion and Michael Penrose, a retired couple that recently moved here …"_

"Are you all getting this," Kuryakin asked, "or do I need to translate?"

They nodded that they understood sufficiently what was being said.

"… _neighbors had reported 'ungodly sounds' – those were their words- coming from the house. The police arrived, and entered the house, and then according to neighbors there was shouting and gunfire, followed by silence. No one came out after that. Several neighbors went to investigate and they too never came out. It was then that this story takes on an even more bizarre twist. Twenty or thirty minutes later, several people reported seeing 'something' leaving the house, and as near as we can tell, it was at about that time that what we can only describe as mass hysteria broke out throughout the entire village. At that point, the phone calls from the area to towns nearby were a panicky morass of what only be described as lunatic, paranoid ramblings about invasions, break ins and such. One thing is clear: by the time our camera crew arrived on the scene, we did not find one person alive in the whole village." _

Michiru uttered a tiny gasp, and Haruka got that hard, determined look on her face that meant she foresaw a looming battle with a vicious enemy.

"_Most of them appeared to have been killed by their fellow townspeople, some by their own hand, and well, you saw what we saw in the Penrose house. In short, Mark, it's a massacre here."_

"C'mon," said Kuryakin through tight lips, "I need to 'see what you saw' on this nice, big plasma TV. Show that part where one of your intrepid camera men got in that house."

"_Thank you, Roger,"_ said the anchorman. _"Keep working the story, and we'll be back to you in a moment. We wish to warn our viewers that the footage we will be showing you in a minute is extremely graphic. Please exercise appropriate discretion."_

"Hotaru, come here," said Setsuna, ironically, considering what Hotaru's alter ego did for a 'living'.

"_We've been asked to hold what you are about to see …"_ said the anchorman, but after further warning and some set up, the screen switched to a shaky camera moving through a house. It was dark, which only accentuated the dull crimson stains everywhere the light from the camera illuminated them. Kuryakin closed his eyes, and placed a hand on the TV screen. A faint aura appeared around him, his eyelids were eerily lit up from behind, and he was concentrating hard. He was sweating when his hand slowly dropped from the TV.

"Well, as near as I can tell, it's only one," he said, shaking his head slowly.

"You know what did that," said Haruka, as she hit the mute button.

"Yes."

"You're from another world," said Michiru.

"Another galaxy."

"So you're not human?" asked Setsuna.

"No, Miss Meioh, that's the funny thing: I am human. I am as human as … any of you," he smiled. "But it's a bit of a story."

He released the little cylinder he had pulled from his pocket. It rose into air under its own power, and began generating a holographic image. He began pointing to the various labeled objects:

"The Milky Way Galaxy … the Pinwheel, or Triangulum Galaxy … the Andromeda Galaxy … these three galaxies are the largest in the local galactic super cluster. The Milky Way is the largest by virtue of mass, but Andromeda is farther flung, covering a broader area at present. As you may know, both galaxies are on a collision course, though that is three billion years in the future. When that happens, the two will merge around a common center into one giant spiral galaxy. This is actually quite common. Even now the Milky Way is 'digesting' a couple of smaller galaxies."

He touched the cylinder again, and the image zoomed in on the Andromeda Galaxy, altering the angle of view to show it from 'above'. Labels began appearing by each spiral arm. The image began to zoom in slowly on the juncture of two spiral arms.

"This is the Collagia arm of the Andromeda galaxy, and this is the Varangia arm. A bit over halfway up the edge of the Varangia arm, there is a yellow sun called Arbol, with seven major planets orbiting it."

'_Arbol? Aru-bodu?'_ Something was stirring in the back of Setsuna's mind: an ancient knowledge, whispers across the great dark void of a thing in a distant place with which the Silver Millenium ran concurrently. But it must have been much older, for the Silver Millennium began when the tail end of this thing had come. Kuryakin touched the cylinder again, and the image zoomed in on a yellow star with seven major planets. Labels with names and data appeared near each: Viritrilbia, Perelandra, Oyarandra, Malacandra, Glund, Lurga, and Neruval. This was so far beyond cool Hotaru started taking mental notes. Oyarandra was clearly the earth-like planet of the group. Viritrilbia did not appear to be habitable, but Perelandra, though heavily obscured by its atmosphere, was listed as a habitable pelagic world. Malacandra, like Mars, was very red, but a little bigger. It even had channels, like the canals humans once wrongly thought Mars to have, and it was listed as 'no longer habitable.' Lurga was bigger than Saturn, but not quite the size of Jupiter. Glund was huge, two thirds again the size of Jupiter, had prominent rings and numerous moons. Lurga was ringed as well, and yellow at the equator, but blue at the poles. Neruval was as blue shading to purple at the poles, and had a better set of rings than Neptune, which it most resembled. Beyond was that system's version of the asteroid belt and Oort cloud, a genuine belt of planetessimals and asteroids that then faded away into smaller and more numerous objects. He zoomed in on the third planet, which like earth, had a solitary moon, labeled Sulva. But this moon had been fractured. A great split down the middle, with great chunks of it pushed out from the axis of the break, floated along with it in an apparently stable orbit."

"The third planet is Oyarandra, home of the Oyéresu."

Setsuna reacted and he saw it.

"You know the word?" he asked, truly shocked. "Miss Meioh, how old are _you_?"

"I heard of this long ago," said Setsuna, reticently, as the others looked at her too. "It was in a chronicle I read. Before the time of … our Silver Millennium, there was … a traveler. He was, as near as those of the time could tell, a 'test pilot.' He crash landed. He was not human. The chronicle claimed he was 'a thinking, speaking animal.' The chronicle said he died happy to have found this world. He wanted to live here, but was happy even to die here. It gave a name in an ancient rendering: Inoshu, the Traveler.

"Inoshu?" Kuryakin smiled. "Ennosh, or really, Enoch, the legendary scout. He was a sort of intergalactic Jedediah Smith. We figured there was some truth to that legend, but we never knew for certain. So you've actually heard of the Oyarses. Wow. This is exactly the sort of stuff I came here to find out, although I never expected to discover the basis for _that_ one."

Hotaru settled in to hear what was surely going to be story telling of the most fascinating kind. This looked to be _arcana_ so ancient, remote and esoteric surely Setsuna alone would know of it. Yet Haruka and Michiru did feel some stirring in their minds, as their distant Senshi memories recalled hearing some of this.

"His ship was wrecked," Setsuna continued, "though he managed to eject from it. There was little those who preceded us could learn from it. He was gravely injured. But those of that time were able to sustain him for a while, and he was able to give a brief account of whence he had come. Thus the word became known here, though by our time it was a legend passing into myth, and then ... nothing. I was instructed in this because the Traveler made mention of the great 'Yu-siar-ku', which he also called "Oye-desu", the "Aedira" who were planetary guardian / overlords in a far away place."

"I see, yes," said Kuryakin who could not help but take silent pleasure in being able to speak with her about such things again. "Usiarchs is another, older name for the Oyéresu. 'Aedira' is probably Eldila, the 'non-corporeal superior spirits.' Some here would call them "angels." And the Oyarses are Eldila, but very high ranking ones. Enoch was the maddest of a mad people, it was said. Crazily good, but crazy nonetheless, obsessed with visions of the celestial order to which their own minds made them especially receptive. He is often used as a metaphor for single minded devotion to a cause, those who seek the truth, the pearl of great price, the way of all things, to the exclusion of all else. Enoch was always searching for 'the world all wish for.' He must have thought this was it."

"And these Oyéresu," demanded Setsuna. "What are they exactly?"

"They are beings of great power," said Kuryakin, "'I suspect they are very much like the Guardian Spirits you call upon for empowerment against your opponents. 'Planetary Intelligences' we call them. Nature itself is generated by their activity."

Setsuna's expression changed a little and Kuryakin took this to mean their planetary guardians served much the same purpose.

"The Oyéresu," he continued as he pointed to the projection, "spun those worlds out of the dust of Arbol. They themselves are not native to the worlds they formed. Space itself is their true habitat, though like birds in a tree they can land on a world and even become visible, if they choose. Otherwise, they are invisible to us. In addition, each of them serves as various 'organs'- for want of a better term- within the system. The Oyarsa of Viritrilibia is the one who makes possible the perception of Language, Meaning, Thought, and Ratiocination, for example. Your scientists would, I think, refer to them as multidimensional energy beings. We know something of their hierarchy. Though we don't get too caught up in that sort of thing, we believe them to be very high up in it. Some think them to be the highest of all, designated for this time, to serve a special purpose, but that may be a conceit on our part. I do not know. Only recently have they appeared visibly to us. It's … very, very impressive when they do."

"If you know of this," asked Setsuna, who was more on guard than ever, "how on earth can you be human?"

"Here's where the story gets a little more interesting," said Kuryakin, as Hotaru began taking a good close look at the image the cylinder was projecting. "In different eras, spanning multiple millennia, different alien races, some indigenous to the Andromeda Galaxy, and even some from the Triangulum Galaxy, were spirited away from their home worlds, to Oyarandra. The inhabitants of Oyarandra are never indigenous. They are 'elected' as it were, like senators or members of parliament, to serve as the caretakers of Andromeda. It takes generations for them to master the technology that the previous caretakers left behind. Humans were chosen this time. It's from this galaxy and this world that the next -and final group, so we are told- has come. Up until now, the relationship between those Oyéresu and the races that were spirited to Oyarandra was that of guardians and wards. Something changed, and now under The Human Dispensation, they are more like noncommissioned officers, the drill sergeants in a military academy, or instructors in a diplomatic school. They train the leaders and when that training is complete, they are outranked by the graduates."

"Then what are you here for?" asked Haruka, sounding suspicious.

"I've wanted to come here for a long time, and research our earthly origins," said Kuryakin. "In time, I came to understand that there is 'official' history, and then there is the truer history that is not so official. Eventually, using my own ways, I learned of your moon kingdom."

"How?" asked Hotaru. "I … that is, _Sela Satahrn_ destroyed all evidence of the kingdom when it fell."

"Except for a little bit on the moon, correct? My researches have not been restricted to earth alone."

"Ah, yes," Hotaru mused, "Usagi and the others saw that when they went there."

"So then, after the fall of that kingdom, small groups of people from this world started disappearing. Very "unimportant" people, and it didn't involve UFOs or anything so melodramatic. Just a migrating group lost in the wilderness, or maybe a ship at sea plowing into a storm, and coming out on the other side, and then people looked up, and saw strange stars and constellations, and their maps and compasses weren't right anymore. Things like that. One interesting thing I've discovered in my research: near as I can tell by matching names and such, the groups spirited away were always outcasts, refugees, separatists: people who for some reason couldn't get on where they were, and were looking for 'a better world.' I guess they got their wish. In spades."

"Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru said, as she studied the graphic projection before her, "how was Oyarandra's moon broken?"

"Given that I might have to ask for your help, I guess I owe it to you to tell you everything."

* * *

**War in Heaven**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

Why should a son of fire fall down before a son of clay?

* * *

He touched the cylinder, and a simulated presentation followed along as he spoke.

"That graphic is a little more dramatic than the reality," he began. "In fact, Sulva -Oyarandra's moon- has started to pull itself back together. The Healing of Sulva, we call it. As you know, anything with a diameter of more the 500 miles will be pulled into a sphere by the force of gravity. There was a civilization -or it really could be called a kingdom, I suppose- on our moon.

But the story begins on Oyarandra. It wasn't always called that. Its first name was Telluria. Then, the Oyarsa of Telluria became corrupt or 'bent' when it was first made known that _h'nau_, or rational animals –peoples, if you will- that were going to walk the _handra_, or surface, of Telluria would one day judge all things. It is the saddest of all tales in our galaxy. By pride and envy, he corrupted himself and there was war within the Field of Arbol. His old name is not spoken anymore. The "Bent One" as he was called from then on, first corrupted Telluria itself. Corruption is always a negation, derivative, not creative, and therefore it can only sustain itself by spreading outward, corrupting others. So with his right hand, the Bent One reached out and struck Sulva, and with his left prepared to strike the other worlds in the Field of Arbol. There were was a beautiful civilization on Sulva, but a great civil war began, and in the end, the battles were so great and terrible, the air itself was torn away and the _handra_ was rendered uninhabitable. The Bent One had triumphed, but many Sulvans who opposed him were rescued, and taken to Malacandra, back when it was habitable. The Oyarsa of Malacandra allowed the migration, in part, to draw the Bent One toward himself and the Great Outers, and buy time for Oyarses Perelandra and Viritrilbia. Malacandra thought the Bent One would attack and secure them first, since they were within his sphere of influence and he was greater than both of them. Angered by this -as Oyaresi-Malacandra wanted- the Bent One attacked Malacandra, which he would have done anyway. Oyaresi-Malacandra fought back. And in that day, the poets say, Malacandra learned courage, and though lesser than the Bent One, he stood him to, and held his ground. In fact, he stopped the Bent One cold, but not without catastrophic damage to his world. Malacandra had to 'unmake' many of his own people who had been corrupted. Then, to preserve what was left of his world's inhabitants, he plowed the great channels into his _handra_, so that the remaining water and atmosphere would collect in them, and heat from planetary interior could keep the remnant alive. They are all long passed away now.

"How long ago?" asked Hotaru.

"200,000 years or so ago. There were records carved into the monuments on the surface, and down in the channels.

So, after Malacandra stopped him, the Bent One regrouped, furious beyond telling that he had been stopped by a lesser Oyarsa. He was about to renew his attack. The great Outer Oyarses were about to intervene, which would have, in essence, destroyed the inner worlds. Malacandra prevented that. Because of his courage, Maleldil, The Ruler and Maker of all the Eldila, stayed the hand of the Great Outers. He taught Malacandra war, and ordered Oyarses Glund, Lurga and Neruval to strengthen him. When he broke through to Telluria's orbit, Viritrilbia and Perelandra strengthened him, too. In the legendary battle that followed, Malacandra got inside the shield of Sulva, into the very face of the "Bent One" and struck him down, wounding him in the very light of his light, as Maleldil had taught him to do. The Bent One fell to his _handra_, beaten, greatly reduced in power, and exceedingly angry, for he knew he had but a short time.

That world went dark. It's communion with the Field of Arbol was cut off. It became known as Thulcandra, the Silent Planet. It was quarantined at the orbit of Sulva and no news came from it. Later, it was learned, the Bent One tried to use the first _h'nau_ of Thulcandra to renew his plan. They razed the surface of Thulcandra, and thought to build towers to the heavens, and spaceships to enable them to break the blockade and land on the other worlds. Perelandra, a habitable pelagic world, was threatened first, but an inhabitant from Thulcandra was taken there, and struck down the Bent One's ambition. Soon after, Maleldil Himself descended to end the rule of the Bent One forever, and that was when Sulva, the shield of Thulcandra, was broken. It was Malacandra, again backed up by the Great Outers and Maleldil's command, who did it. After that, the Oyéresu came and went freely upon Thulcandra, to commune with Maleldil, who remains there to this day. Thus it became known as Oyarandra, the _handra_ where the Oyéresu walk and call home."

"And the 'Bent One'?" asked Hotaru.

"He was cast out of the Field of Arbol. However, he has his chances to disrupt peace in the galaxy, and he avails himself of every one of them. Whenever a new race takes over the reigns, there is usually an interregnum of several centuries, sometimes even a millennium, during which the alliances they forged and the peace they spread throughout Andromeda falls into disrepair. For what it's worth, we think it's a test to see which worlds will remain true to peace, and which are only obedient because of the power of the Oyéresu. In times when the Bent One has been particularly effective, the alliances collapse completely. The first duty of the new race is to learn to handle what has been left them by the preceding race, and then go out, judge who was true and who was not and under what, if any, mitigating circumstances. And most of all, restore that peace."

"Why such a ... test?" asked Hotaru.

"The short answer is it's what makes genuine freedom of choice possible," Kuryakin replied, and Hotaru, strangely, smiled as though she saw that answer coming.

"What exactly is your story?" asked Haruka.

Kuryakin remained silent and looked thoughtful for while. The longer he waited, the worse it was looking. He decided then and there that he would have to trust these people, as he had never before trusted any strangers. Really, he wasn't all that uncomfortable doing it. He liked them all very much, was madly in love with one of them, and trusted smallest one to the uttermost.

"I was born 86 years ago- almost 87. That would be our years. Our years are a bit longer than yours. Here I would be 92 going on 93. I am the first in my family of the seventh generation, which is, purportedly, the generation that comes into the full longevity and power of those chosen to live on Oyarandra. Oyarandra is, in essence, paradise, or even heaven, after a fashion. My family are vintners. We tend the choicest land in two dozen inhabited worlds. That wine you had the other night was one of our little items. I would have been quite content to follow in that family tradition, but one day, as I tended the fields, my brothers came to me to tell me that my wife, who was carrying our daughter, had been killed. It was the story of a good faith ambassage to a rather barbaric world getting ambushed. The fleet responded to the attack quickly, but not quickly enough. Her death was such a shock to me because … we don't die. I mean, we do, but not until we've lived hundred of years. And I was very young, and had married quite young, for our people. I was so much in love with her. She was so incredible. I couldn't believe that she would even talk to me, much less go out with me, or marry me. I expected centuries with her, and … I kind of fell apart after that. I left paradise, as it were. It was no longer paradise for me."

Then he explained his wanderings and about the vision of his wife, though for the time being he left out the part concerning Hotaru and the possibility that she might have become someone else when she was reborn. Other than his own belief, he had no evidence for it, and it would, he thought, be a touchy thing to bring up anyway, especially where Miss Meioh was concerned.

"After that vision," he continued, becoming more and more reticent "I still wandered for a time, but with her words ringing in my ears. '…become the very best I could at what I was meant to be …' I went to other worlds. I saw how backward, and full of oppression and conflict they were. When I returned home, I was still full of bitterness. My family encouraged me to 'find someone else,' but … who could follow her?" The question was rhetorical but he quickly glanced at Setsuna when he asked it, then, as quickly, glanced away.

"It was all no good. It wasn't that my family and my friends didn't try to understand; it was that they were incapable of it. There seemed to be no place in the world for me anymore. So I left again. I went out in to the galaxy with a vague 'I'm going to do something about this' mentality – y'know, a 'World Saver'. One of the worlds I went to was a very primitive, very barbaric place. I saw many evils there. I … tried to help them. You must understand just how stupid I was at the time. I attached myself to a 'political movement' of sorts, thinking I could help them to a better world. After all, I was from a far more advanced society than they, and much, much smarter. Right? Only, something went wrong. Very wrong. I really didn't understand how complicated a thing creation –any creation – is, or what was behind so much of what was happening on that world. When I saw where things were headed, I tried to stop it. My former compatriots called me a traitor, and even tried to assassinate me. I did my best, but ultimately a devastating war broke out. I said that world was primitive, but that was a relative term. They were sufficiently advanced to have a war that killed millions, mainly through rudimentary bio-warfare, and some very, very nasty indigenous pathogens. The great cities of the planet were devastated. It takes the loss of about twenty percent of a population for a society to break down completely. When it was over, they'd lost twenty-five percent. I survived it easily on my wits, and the strength of my superior immunity as someone from Oyarandra. At first, I tried to tell myself it wasn't my fault, that my intentions had been good, that I had tried to stop it. All those things were true, but still it had all gone so terribly wrong. Finally, I went home and, in essence, turned myself in, and made a full confession of what I had done.

It was a very serious offense. It amounted to an invasion of another's world. The return of peace throughout Andromeda must happen in very specific ways, allowing the maximum freedom to choose on the part of the indigenous population. I had gone against that. There's no 'freelancing' allowed. I had willfully and with premeditation violated some very strict rules, and helped cause terrible destruction. We don't really have need of courts on Oyarandra, but I would have to be put on trial. My family tried to help. I could have had excellent defense council, but I refused it. Long story short, I was tried, found guilty and condemned.

Then one night, as I sat under house arrest, someone came to see me. He was a strange creature, looked like an overgrown black rabbit. I asked who he was. He told me his name was Nico. I asked him what he wanted. He said that, inside, I was still trying to die – so I could be with my wife, you see?- and that there was no point in that. He said that if I was willing he knew of a way for me to … well, avenge her death on 'those who had really slain her' – so he put it. I told him I wasn't interested. He told me I had three days and nights to think about it. I was ready to die, but then, on that third night, I remembered a part of that vision that I had hitherto repressed in favor of the other parts of it. I truly believe I saw my wife that night, that she really did come to me, and spoke to me as I told you. Then, as she was leaving, I asked her if our daughter was with her. Where is she? I asked. She told me, 'you'll see. You'll see.' I took that to mean that somehow my daughter had lived, and that I would see her eventually. My wife was close to term, and I thought perhaps that somehow the baby was safe, somewhere. Over the years, as I failed to find her, I thought maybe that part of the vision was just a trick my mind had played on me. I forgot about it in time, but that night, it seemed real enough."

Setsuna was looking very askance at him now. She now understood just what had happened the night Hotaru called him 'papa.'

"So when Nico came back," he continued, "I asked him what he had in mind. He told me they would commute my sentence if I would agree to be 'opened' to the powers of the Oyéresu. I asked what would happen to me after that. He said if I was obedient and worked hard, I would gain understanding, and the power to do something about 'those who had really slain her.' That would be my mission in life from now on. You have to understand I had, in a sense, fallen away. In paradise, just 'being' is your 'mission in life.' But that was no longer enough for me. I had to have a purpose. I agreed to it. I was opened to the powers of The Great Six- The Planetary Guardians who formed the worlds of our solar system."


	28. Chapter 08 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 008 – Spiral Curricula **

**(Part 2)**

* * *

**Epigraphs: **

"You should be able to strip a man naked and throw him out with nothing on him.

By the end of the day, the man should be clothed and fed. By the end of the week,

he should own a horse. And by the end of a year, he should own a business and

have money in the bank."

**Cyril Richard 'Rick' Rescorla **

**Col. US Army, ret.**

_(Vice-president for Security at Morgan Stanley / Dean Witter, he_

_died on 9-11 in the collapse of the North Tower of the WTC, after_

_the successful evacuation of all but six of their 2700 employees.)_

--

If you see a turtle on a fencepost, you know it didn't get there by itself.

**-Arkansas proverb**

--

**Faust**: I see you can destroy nothing great, so you

content yourself with destroying little things.

_(Du kannst im Grossen nichts vernichten_

_Und faengst es nun im Kleinen an.)_

**Mephistopheles**: Admittedly, not much gets done.

_(Und freilich ist nicht viel damit getan.)_

**-Goethe's Faust, Studierzimmer II (Part I) **

* * *

"What does that mean, opened to the powers?" asked Hotaru, with a bit of concern in her voice.

"It means I'm an attenuator, for want of a better term. You called yourself the Senshi of Destruction? I take it your powers are very wholesale when you do that? Everything gets wiped out? You're a nuke, as it were. I'm more of a smart bomb. Instead of using all their power, which could annihilate whole worlds, I bring to bear only that which is needed to destroy the enemy. In fact, these days I use as little of their power as possible, for reasons I'll explain later. It also means that they have a claim on me, as it were. When I get close enough to one of the enemy to …'lock in,' as it were, I have to attack immediately and the fight doesn't end until one of us is dead."

"You're a weapon," said Hotaru. _'Just like us.'_ Kuryakin had told her of how sometimes he wanted to pick her up and hug her because he understood, instinctively, how hard her life had been. Now she felt the same way about him. "Like a Vampire Hunter."

"Actually, that's not a bad analogy, but I prefer Rikki Tikki Tavi, the mongoose who rids the garden of snakes."

"So," said Hotaru, "those Oyéresu were the teachers who 'don't let people fail' you spoke of when we first met."

"Yes, indeed," he said. "And so began my education. I was a lousy student at first. I mentioned that Viritrilbia is the 'organ' of thought in the Field of Arbol. His 'activity' makes thought possible. As such, he would be my primary teacher. He took one look at me and said, 'I cannot fix him. His head is too bent.' That's where the 'can't fix stupid' comment came from, Miss Meioh. It was directed at me. Oyarsi-Viritrilbia was told- ordered really- to find a way. Not a very promising beginning though, ne? The others were singularly unimpressed as well, especially Malacandra who would teach me how to unify the powers into a way of fighting."

The hovering cylinder made a sound. Kuryakin looked at it and said, "Ah, okay, here comes the answer, I hope." The face and torso of an insanely handsome blonde headed man appeared and began speaking in a language none of the Senshi recognized.

"Hold on, I'll fix it so you can understand."

He touched it again, the image shuddered, then began to reset.

"It's not live. There's a 42 minute transmission time delay – at present- through the corridor … there we go."

The handsome blonde man began again, his mouth was forming Japanese and the translated message was synchronized to it:

"Sir," he said, very deferentially, "we think we know what happened. As you know, we were keeping a micro corridor network open to maintain contact with you. Two weeks ago, Signa Karagon fluctuated, radically and unexpectedly. None of the stellar fusion burn models caught it. It was too late to shut down, and besides we didn't want to lose contact with you, so the supervisors said to ride it out. The power surge overloaded the ring system for a few minutes, and there was a modulation of the main corridor. It opened up big enough for a small corvette to get through. A few life pods jettisoned from the control platform at about that time, but we thought it was just an accident because we were having minor malfunctions all over. The scanners showed one pod free falling into the corridor. At the time, it was checked according to procedure, and we didn't see anything inside. However, we were in a bit of distress from the overload, and we only checked the visible spectrum. When we got your message, we went back and reviewed the security records. We checked the other spectra, and though it was well hidden, we're pretty sure there was something inside. We're sorry. I just don't know what else to say. Right now, the amplitudes in the corridor mean about six days before we can get help to you. What do you want us to do, sir? End transmission."

He then took the cylinder in hand and spoke into it. "First of all, I've got to know how many of them. Make sure it was only one. Be as sure about that as you can. And find out what lapses in security allowed one of them to sit undetected in a life pod until a star fluctuated. Second, we have no permission for anyone else to come, and I am in touch with some people who I hope will be willing to help. Still, it is one of _them_, so I want you and Tara to set out at once. Just you two, understand? Get moving right away. End transmission."

Kuryakin looked at the TV again. "I've been hoping up till now that this is just some bizarre coincidence. Still, when I got home and found that my studio had been burned to the ground, I had little hope left of that."

"What?!" said Hotaru, jumping up. "It's gone?"

Kuryakin nodded.

"Everything?"

"Well, most of my personal stuff had been removed, and all my important documents, but yes, all that equipment I was going to donate to the local schools is gone."

"The fish tank?"

"I'm afraid so," he smiled sadly. "That's why I thought I'd better get over here quickly."

Hotaru looked positively tearful. "Hey, it's all right," he said consolingly. "You gave that little blue tang four months of life it wouldn't have gotten otherwise. That's something, at least."

"You saw, that did you?" she asked.

"No, but I did figure it out, and when you healed that boy at the hospital …well, let's put it this way: whenever you do that it sure lights up the place, for those with the eyes to see such light. So anyway, the enemy knows someone from Oyarandra is here. I just hope it thinks I'm merely a scout."

"I am curious, Mister Kuryakin," said Setsuna.

"Yes, Miss Meioh?"

"You spoke of permission to come here. From whom did you get permission?"

"It is not a proper thing to invade another's _handra_. Even though we are human and this is our ancestral world, we thought it best to get permission from your queen in the thirtieth century," he said. "I'm not quite sure how Nico managed that particular audience. I imagine Lurga, who governs time, had something to do with it. Nico based the request on a 'right of return', but really, they were just accommodating me."

"So what are you doing on earth?" asked Michiru.

"Part of the reason I came here was to do research."

"What manner of research?" asked Setsuna.

"General, and a little personal. Once humans were taken to Oyarandra and became acclimated, their children and grandchildren were very curious about 'the old country' as it were. The groups taken there are quite varied in both time and location, so from all that eyewitness testimony, we pieced together a great deal of earth's history from the fall of your Moon Kingdom to the present. My 'official' task here is to confirm this by observation and historical study. As for myself, I have solid evidence that my ancestors came from the Russian Diaspora into the Americas. So after a fashion, it is true that I am an American of Russian descent. I found out the families that make up my earthly ancestry settled at Fort Ross in Northern California in your year 1816. They were fur trappers and traders. Sometime between then and the time the Fort Ross colony was sold to John Sutter in 1841, the people who made up my family disappeared. But calling myself American is mostly a conceit. I had to come from somewhere as part of my 'cover.' However, the Americans are made up of immigrants, just as the people of Oyarandra are made up of "intergalactic immigrants. So I have an affinity for them."

"What is with all the tutoring stuff?" asked Haruka.

"Oh, well, we've only recently learned how to open these corridors between the galaxies. It took us a while to build what you call "Dyson rings," but we've got the hang of it very well now, and so they didn't mind me coming, as long as I stayed available for my 'real job.' However, I was taught to be quite self-sufficient. You can drop me anywhere and I'll make a go of it. Besides, how better to learn a culture than to live and work among a people, get to know them and find out their dreams and such? The truth is, when I did the Cram School, I came to like those kids. I'm really a bit of a softy."

"What are these corridors between the galaxies?" asked Setsuna. Her anger at Kuryakin had been set aside for a moment, for this sort of thing fascinated her to no end.

"As we grew in the knowledge of the technology left behind by the previous race, we learned that there is a more fundamental level of physics that your physicists are just beginning to suspect. Now maybe you can see why I was so impressed by your term paper, Miss Meioh. I'm sure you can understand this at least a little? Like leaves on a tree, all the galaxies in the local galactic super cluster are connected at that fundamental level. It is possible to exploit this once you know what you're looking for. For want of a better term, you can call it super gravity. It only works on things with a great enough mass. As for the distance involved, well, if you can harness enough power – it is possible to pull two sections of a galaxy together and create a traversable passage between them. Enoch, that super scout, came from a time long ago when this was well-known. He must have been the test pilot for a corridor system."

"So you must be very technologically advanced."

"Yes, but that's neither here nor there. Technological advancement isn't the be all and end all of societies, though I have been amazed in my travels to find out how many societies think it is. Sometimes technology is a substitute for virtue. Technology is power, of a sort, and that's no substitute for virtue. I'd rather live in primitive but good society than an advanced but evil one."

"How did you find out about us?" asked Michiru.

"There was some luck involved. I've been on earth for over thirteen years, but I only ended up here seven years ago. I just happened to like this country. It's a peaceful, interesting, relatively intact culture in a time of drastic change on this world. I also find the language interesting, and then there is your stellar national cuisine, which is very much like that back home. I've seen the tail end of a few of your fights, from a distance. Hotaru hinted that you have ways of making people forget what they've seen, but it doesn't seem to work on me. I have seen enough to be getting on with. Being somewhat troubled myself, I am naturally drawn to trouble spots. Some things one can't miss, like talking cats for example. As you may have noticed, I can also see things in funny ways, by wishing it. If I change my vision a little, I can see the planetary ensigns on your foreheads, even now. Once I lucked into the general vicinity, it was almost inevitable I'd see telltale evidence, and then run into you sooner or later. Though in this case, you ran into me. Deep calling unto deep, I suppose."

He took a sip from the glass of water Hotaru brought to him.

"But where ever I go," he continued, "I have to be extraordinarily careful. I don't want to cause too many ripples. There are unintended consequences, no matter how pure one's intentions. I cannot make too many ripples in the way things work here. I cannot help out too much, and certainly not until I know how things really work here. For example, I was very chary about helping out my conductor friend, but I thought that was one I could get away with."

"You're saying that you might 'intervene' under certain circumstances?"

"There are a few –very few, but a few- circumstances under which I wouldn't hesitate to do so," Kuryakin replied matter-of-factly.

"But, if I understand you correctly," said Setsuna, "you are saying that is what got you in trouble in the first place."

"It is. But I am not quite as stupid as I was before," he replied. "As I said, Kindness is eternal. It's the only thing that is. Even there, I am very, very careful. For example, I suspect you've figured out that I was pretty friendly with Dr. Mizuno that night at the hospital?"

Setsuna nodded. The familiarity between her and Kuryakin was unmistakable and it was obvious they had spent some time together in _some_ context.

"I think she kind of fell for me. She was so lonely and so sweet, and I could see she was reaching a breaking point. I was trying to give her hope that her life wasn't going to be as tough as it seemed. I went out with her a few times, _after_ Ami was done with the cram school," he emphasized. "I was clear at the very beginning that this was on a 'just friends' basis, but I wanted to encourage her. That was the real reason I had to end the cram school. There were some pretty bright kids in there, and some who, though not bright, were very determined. Natural leaders as it were. I feared I was causing too many ripples. On the other hand, helping someone who has given up on life is a ripple I am only too happy to cause, whatever the consequences."

As he talked, Hotaru smiled. Setsuna was 'doing it again.' She sighed, smiled, tugged on Setsuna's robe and whispered, "Why can't you stop staring at him?"

Setsuna flushed, and realized she'd been caught.

"Such eyes," she whispered, "always seeing what is there, and such a quick mind, always thinking, catching everything and so quickly. And he's so kind hearted. I do admire that."

"I'll never believe you don't feel something for him," she whispered back. Setsuna could only close her eyes and sigh. Hotaru had that firmly in her head and it was never going away.

Kuryakin was about to continue, but suddenly Michiru stirred, and then shivered. There was just the slightest suggestion of a cold in the room. No, it wasn't cold exactly; it was as if the debilitating power of anxiety had taken on elemental form and had begun to infuse itself into the very air. Kuryakin noticed her, and then suddenly went rigid. Quick as a flash he went into a crouch and his eyes turned a dark blue color: not just his irises, but the whites as well. The effect was eerie, and would have been frightening to less stout hearts.

"Everyone, quiet," he barked, as his head jerked about as though he were looking for the source of a sound. Then, as if he'd located it, he moved quickly on all fours to the south bay window. The Senshi followed. He crouched down, his back against the wall next to the window, but did not try to look out.

"Take a look out there and tell me what you see," he whispered and then seemed to go into some sort of trance.

At first, they saw nothing, except a path through the tress that led down to the highway. Michiru produced her mirror and looked into it. She could see something, and held it up for the rest of the Senshi to see. There was a translucent, black, cloud-like form on the path, quite far down the way, but definitely there. Then glowing yellow eyes opened and peered out of it, and they could see it was looking at their house, and at them.

"Do you see it?" Kuryakin whispered.

"Yes," Hotaru said.

"How far down the path is it?" he whispered back. "I can't get a lock. It must not be … _entirely_ there."

"50 meters," said Michiru.

"If it'll just come closer …"

* * *

The ravager began his search when it had discovered Kuryakin's studio by the 'scent' of _someone_ from Oyarandra hanging about the place. He was not happy to discover that one of them was here. This could be very bad for The Plan and he had - foolishly perhaps - destroyed the studio in a fit of rage. After calming down to think, he realized the travel time through the corridors would be days long at least, and so even if the occupant was able to call for help from Oyarandra, it would be too little too late. The plan would take only a few more days to reach fruition. It did however occur to the ravager that there was one and only one Oyarandran whose presence here would alter that equation. Surely, whoever it was, it was not him. The odds were very much against it. And yet, that 'scent …'

He would need to be sure. Before he set fire to the studio, he saw a picture of a young girl in a pool swimming with some local fauna. She might make an excellent hostage, and later, with her usefulness at an end, delicious prey. The 'scent' – faint, but unmistakable- led it here. The young girl was in that house. He could see her now. She was with her family. He felt like attacking now, but there was something wrong. They were looking out the window, and apparently, right at him. They could see him. Something about these people …

* * *

"It's coming closer," Michiru said.

"We should transform," said Haruka.

"No wait! Please!" Kuryakin whispered urgently. "In his present state, if he gets within thirty meters, I can lock in, and we can end this right here …"

* * *

The ravager stopped. Something was definitely wrong. These people could definitely see him and they were not at all afraid.

'_Who are they?'_

It wanted to get closer. These people had power, but if his was greater, they, for all their strength, might become even more delightful prey. How powerful were they? And could the Oyarandran be among them?

'_I can't sense it, and the stink on the girl is now too much for me to tell if it's merely coming from her …'_

* * *

"It's stopped," said Michiru.

"It's a him, and he's still too far away," said Kuryakin.

"We should transform," Haruka said with more urgency, this time. Setsuna appeared to be in agreement. Hotaru wasn't, but she understood what Kuryakin was doing. The trance he was in shielded his presence from the ravager's gaze.

"We should let it come closer," said Hotaru, who was not only interested in this new enemy, but also curious as to what would happen if Kuryakin-sensei lit out after it. _'Does he have a transformation?'_ she wondered. She was about to find out.

"Hotaru, open the window, like you're trying to get a better look."

She did so, as the others looked curiously at her.

"On the count of three, you all jump back, and let me through," he whispered. "I'm going to try to close the distance before it realizes I'm here."

"C'mon, everyone, do as he says," said Hotaru. "I want to see this."

Kuryakin, still in that trance, smiled nonetheless. The others nodded their agreement.

_Three … two … one …now …_

* * *

Kuryakin scrambled through the window and the ravager suddenly became more solid and visible to the naked eye.

'_What!? This foolish man is … NO!'_

As Kuryakin charged, the ravager quickly realized who it was, and like a deflating balloon spiraled into the air, trailing a Curly Q of black behind it. Hotaru missed this because she was watching the light that began sparkling around Kuryakin's body as he ran. It seemed to come from a point just in front of him and vaguely reminded her of the way the 'flux capacitor' opened a time door for the De Lorean in the Back to the Future series. Just as he had finished transforming, he disappeared over a dip on the trail and could not be seen. The one decent look she got was when he jumped into the air as if trying to follow the ravager, but he was too far away to make out anything specific out. What little she did see seemed rather cool, though.

He walked back, obviously upset that he'd missed his quarry. By the time he arrived back at the house, he looked perfectly normal, though he was breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

"I just missed him. I'm … sorry."

* * *

"So what are they?" asked Setsuna.

"Just a moment please," Kuryakin said, while he slowed his breathing. "He won't be back. He knows I'm here now, and he knows you have powers."

"So what are they?" Setsuna asked again.

"They," he said pointing at the television, "are the Ravagers of Andromeda. When the Oyarsi-Viritrilbia began my education, I began to see what really drives the histories of peoples and worlds. 'The devil made me do it' is both true and false. Very rarely does 'the devil' ever take someone in a direction they did not wish to go. Nonetheless, embodiments of evil do exist, always ready to encourage any wrong turns, or enflame any bad situation they can. Behind them is the power of The Bent One. Even in his diminished state, he is like the other Oyéresu in that his activity generates nature itself. Insofar as the history of a world is driven by the inherent flaws of a people, his servants are there to help things along. In every generation of the people taken to Oyarandra, there are some who fall away, yes, even in paradise. It has been this way with all the races that are taken there. In fact, if I had not turned myself in, I might have become one of them. As for their powers well, the short version is this: put the Marquis de Sade together with Jack the Ripper, and give them the power of an archangel. Fortunately, it's only one of them."

"You _hope_ it is only one," Setsuna said, a very jaundiced look on her face.

"Yes, I _hope_ it is only one."

"What, exactly, can they do?"

"Everything I _could_ do, if I chose to. They exist only to destroy. No cruelty, no matter how small, is beneath them."

"Is there some reason for this?"

"Well, that gets in to some pretty heavy existential and theological questions, but my personal belief is that like a ghost, they terrify, lest they should fear the thing they themselves have become. They need the suffering of others to alleviate their own. They'll terrorize and torture if they have time, as they did in Edgeton. Really, I'm glad it knows I'm here because now he will keep his head down. Makes him harder to find, but there shouldn't be anymore rampages. They can attack you in a thousand different ways, not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, you name it. See," he said pointing at the TV where the story was running again, "a lot of those people, maybe all of them, killed each other, under the influence of mass hysteria, illusions or some such. They're very creative, even artistic, in their destruction. They can raise you to perfect pique of euphoria, and then plunge you into deepest fear and suffering. Your worst fears can make you theirs, and they will milk your suffering for all it's worth, before they kill you."

"If killing them is your job, then I still do not understand what you are doing here," said Setsuna.

"I've killed many of them. It's been seven years since I was needed. And when I am not needed, so I've found, I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want. It was a pleasant discovery. In the beginning, I sort loafed around –other than keeping up with training. Then I begin to realize that my … well, _servitude_ to Maleldil and the Oyéresu wasn't such a bad thing. During 'down time', I could, if I chose, live a life. I got educated, developed some talents, and learned to be happy, and … well, to love again."

"I understand," said Setsuna, "but that is not what I meant. You've endangered us – I mean the four of us- by coming here tonight."

"Actually no, Miss Meioh," he responded. "He didn't know I was here, in this house. He did know someone from Oyarandra was on this world, and that's why he came here. He was after Hotaru. She's the only person I've spent enough time with in the last few months to have my 'scent' on her. And please remember, Miss Meioh, that's because you came to me," he added because Setsuna was starting to look angry again. "I am sorry, Little Firefly, but you reek of me," he said, turning to Hotaru.

"It's okay. I'm not sorry at all. _Tu ne cede malis …_" Hotaru said, as she smiled at him.

"… _sed contra audentior ito_," he finished.

"Let him come," she said, a fierce look in her eye. "I'll teach him a thing or two."

"Yes, indeed, I'm sure you will. He knows that now. He won't back."

Kuryakin's tale was about over, but Hotaru felt as though there was something Kuryakin wasn't telling them. His brief exhaustion after the use of his powers had caught her attention. It was 2 a.m. in the morning now and the others might not have noticed it, but she had and she wondered what the effect might be if he had to fight for a longer time.

'_Endurance training …'_

"Kuryakin-sensei?" she asked, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes, Hotaru-chan?"

"It really wears you out when you use your powers, doesn't it?"

Kuryakin did not answer for a few minutes. He stroked his chin, looking thoughtful and at times wistful.

'_She really does care about me. How … odd, but wonderful.'_

"I have noticed," he began, hesitantly, "that you don't seem to suffer any ill effects from your transformed state. That is not the case for me. Hotaru-chan? Because your heart is so good and because you've trusted me with so much, I will tell you my biggest secret. If they found out about it, they could destroy me, after a fashion. I offer it to you – and to you" he said, indicating the other Outers, "as an exchange of good faith for the secrets Hotaru has entrusted to me. Unlike you, when I use the powers of my guardians, I get … used up faster. Whenever I fight a ravager, it can use up weeks, or months, or in cases, years of my life, depending on how much power I had to use, and how long the fight takes. Early on, I was very inexperienced, and it cost me a good deal. I have gotten extraordinarily good at this out of necessity. I am already older than I should be. I have taken down hundreds of them so really, to anyone on my world, I now appear to be about 320 years of age, which on your world would be the equivalent of 32 years of age or so. You see, I did not lie to you, Miss Meioh. On my world, I 'look' older than my father, my grandfather, and his father. Makes me rather chary about ever going home. I suppose I'll have to some day. I really do miss my family. Anyway, like you, Hotaru, I have been quickly aged. For that reason, among others, it was easy for me to spot the similarities in your own development. Over time, I have learned to use these powers very, very sparingly, but always, in every fight, there comes a point where I must not hold back. My … one hope is that I can get them all, before I'm finally used up."

"Did those Oyéresu tell you this would happen if you let yourself be 'opened to their powers'?" Hotaru asked, and looked almost angry.

Kuryakin continued to stroke his chin and look thoughtful.

"No," he finally said, "but they really didn't have to. I knew there was a price to be paid. You each have one Planetary Guardian fighting through you, as it were. I have six, and, boy, do they mean business. They were as good as their word though. My first assignment was to undo what damage I could to that world devastated by the war I helped to cause. There were three very powerful ravagers at work there. I nearly died, but I got them in the end. Then I went to the world that was responsible for my wife's death. I got them too, and to my credit I hope, it really wasn't a matter of revenge. The only satisfaction I took away from it was that that world has since become very peaceful again."

"I don't like it," said Hotaru huffily. "I don't like this at all."

"Ah, Hotaru, remember, the essence of romance is irrevocability. I've made my choice, and I will see it through to the very end. I really was for the best. After I quit being lazy, I saw that by bettering myself I became more skillful at using the powers sparingly. Music was especially helpful. A proper fight is almost a dance of sorts. If I call the tune, I can make it go the way I want. And I found that Viritrilbia's training enabled my to better use my natural mind. I can do some pretty interesting things without using the powers at all. Turns out, I am really quite gifted. I have to admit, it's been a damn fine adventure. And besides, if this had gone any other way, I would have never met you," he winked, "and now that I know you, there is no price I wouldn't have paid."

"I wonder if we should involve the others," Michiru asked, thoughtfully.

"No," Haruka, Setsuna and Kuryakin said simultaneously.

"There's no point drawing any attention to those you care about," he added.

"Besides," said Haruka, "it's an outside threat to this earth."

"Ah yes," said Kuryakin as if he'd just figured something out. "Of course. You have divisions of labor here. Takes different temperaments to do different … needful things, so of course, you would. You all would be the defenders of remote and crucial posts, tough minded enough to do what is necessary, able to stand alone if need be and powerful enough to do it, the best, the most self-sufficient, older and wiser than the others, geniuses all, the Elite Special Forces, the Military, pointed outward, as opposed to the local Constabulary. I should have seen that sooner. You really shouldn't involve those others, if you can avoid it."

"But if they're an outside threat, why did we not get wind of it sooner? Maybe because they're human? Aren't they, in a way?" asked Michiru.

"True."

"And besides, I don't like keeping things from them anymore," said Michiru.

"Well, Hino-san knows something is amiss," said Setsuna, "and she did see this coming before any of us. I will keep her informed, but I think it is best if they serve their proper function and keep the Prince and Princess safe. For now, at least."

Haruka turned up the sound on the TV. A few details about what the authorities thought happened in Edgeton began to come out. All told, 280 people were dead. It was a horrible massacre, but Haruka was paying close attention to the way the authorities were trying to explain this.

"This is all my fault, for wanting to come here," Kuryakin said sadly.

"Maybe not," said Haruka. "Well, yes, it is, but you seem to think this was happenstance. Perhaps not." She left the room, went upstairs and came back with her notebook.

"Take a look at this," Haruka said as she handed the notebook to Kuryakin, and then began to watch him to see if he would 'get it.'

"How did you figure this out?" he asked, after several minutes of leafing through the notebook.

"Oh, just paying attention to my surroundings," said Haruka, looking pleased with herself.

"This is good stuff, Tenoh-san. A good start. Well done, if you don't mind me saying so."

* * *

"So where do we go from here?" asked Michiru.

"If I may make a suggestion," said Kuryakin, "we should all get some sleep. And then I will start hunting this thing in the morning."

"_We_ will start hunting him in the morning," said Haruka.

"Glad you feel that way, Tenoh-san," he said. "It will take all of us to follow up those leads of yours."

"Kuryakin-sensei?"

"Yes, Hotaru-chan?"

"Where will you sleep if your studio is gone?"

"Well," he said amicably, "there is a hotel down the way, but really it would be a bad idea to get too far away from you all just now, so I was thinking of sleeping in my van and I'll use this to set a watch around the house," Kuryakin said, holding up the cylinder in his hand. "I really doubt he'll be back, but then I didn't think one of them could ever get through here. So, no more assuming."

"Surely the hotel will be more comfortable," Setsuna suggested. "We can take care of ourselves, especially now that we are aware of the danger."

"Setsuna-momma, can't Kuryakin-sensei stay with us?" asked Hotaru.

Haruka and Michiru smirked at this suggestion, and what might be motivating it. This could be a fun little exchange.

"We have plenty of space and …"

"No," Setsuna said firmly.

Haruka and Michiru's expressions suggested they thought it was a pretty commonsense idea, not to mention hospitable, but Setsuna seemed adamant.

"My van will be just fine, Hotaru-chan. I've camped out in it before."

"Really, Mister Kuryakin, that will not be necessary," Setsuna said. "Surely the hotel is near enough."

"Look, I obviously make you uncomfortable, so if you tell me to leave your property, I will do so. But I swear to you I will park five feet away from the property line and stay right there. Miss Meioh, just think of me as a big guard dog. I'm very quiet, well-behaved and I'll only come if I'm needed. Otherwise, you won't even know I'm here."

'_I doubt that,'_ Setsuna thought as she sighed. "Very well, you may stay in the circle driveway."

"Then I'll take my leave and set a watch," Kuryakin said. "If it gets within 50 kilometers, I'll know it. Good night, Kittens, Hotaru-chan, Miss Meioh."

"Hotaru," said Setsuna after Kuryakin shut the door, "I want you to stay with me the rest of the night."

"Yes, Setsuna-momma," Hotaru replied, looking a bit put out with Setsuna's lack of hospitality.

"Hmm," said Michiru as she and Haruka went back to their room. "I expected that to be a little bit more fun."

"I might still be," smiled Haruka. "Let's see what happens at daybreak."


	29. Chapter 08 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 008 – Spiral Curricula **

**(Part 3)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

"… what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair

spacecraft has apparently been taken over … by a master

race of giant space ants … One thing is for certain: there is

no stopping them; the ants will soon be here.

And I for one welcome our new insect overlords."

_**Kent Brockman, The Simpsons Ep. # 96**_

* * *

As she settled in to her bed, with Hotaru nestled in her lap, Setsuna found herself feeling a bit guilty over how quickly she'd shot down any idea of Kuryakin staying in the house with them, and over how rude she'd sounded doing it. She had not been unmoved by his story, and, despite the details, she did not think any less of him. Indeed, she was saddened to hear of how he lost his first love, and how troubled his life had been since. In some ways, she understood better than most about how he felt when his 'manipulations' and good intentions didn't go as planned. She just always had so much trouble with her own feelings whenever he was physically too close to her. As she fell asleep, she did wonder how cold it was out there tonight, and whether Kuryakin had some kind of space heater in that van.

About an hour later, Hotaru was awakened by Setsuna, who was trying to get out of bed without waking her. Her bedroom had a view of the circle drive, and Hotaru, sneaking a peek, saw her walk over to the window, pull the curtains aside and look out for a minute or so. Setsuna was momentarily startled when something appeared suddenly right in front of her face. It was that black cylinder that was, apparently, floating about the perimeter of the house, 'keeping watch.' Then Setsuna looked at Hotaru, who quickly snapped her eyes shut, and left the room for several minutes. Hotaru had a pretty good idea where Setsuna was going, but a little empirical verification wouldn't hurt. She snuck out of bed, careful not to disturb the blankets too much, and took a peak out the window.

'_Yup,'_ she smiled, as she climbed back into bed.

* * *

Kuryakin was as good as his word. Morning arrived a few hours later, and the Senshi began waking up, having slept quite well, despite the knowledge that a stranger was guaranteeing them uninterrupted slumber against the predations of a still mysterious enemy. Michiru awoke just before Haruka. There was trouble looming, yet somehow she felt very calm about it. There was one thing worrying her though. She sat there, looking puzzled for a few minutes until Haruka, her eyes now open, said, "What's wrong?"

"Haruka, I don't remember falling asleep last night."

"You mean last evening, and not after he came over?"

"Yes."

Haruka looked thoughtful for a minute, and then appeared puzzled too.

"Neither do I. I remember … opening the door to our bedroom, and then … wow, that's weird. Huh. Well, c'mon, we got an enemy to find."

Haruka and Michiru came down stairs to find Setsuna cooking breakfast. She looked very distracted about something, as she often did, lately. Hotaru came down a few minutes later smiling about what she'd seen just a few hours ago. The smile widened as she continued to watch Setsuna. As she moved about, the Time Guardian would occasionally glance out the window over the sink. After a few more glances, she seemed to be getting more and more exasperated about something.

"He is doing that on purpose," she finally mumbled to herself.

"What was that, Setsuna?" asked Haruka, idly.

Hotaru jumped up and went over to the window.

"Hotaru, what's he doing?" asked Michiru.

"Well, let's see …"

The side door of Kuryakin's van was open. He sat there in a pair of sweats, his legs hanging out and his bare feet on the ground. He was reaching about for various containers, opening them, and putting spoonfuls of the contents into a cup. Then, he added a couple of liquids, and what appeared to be a small carton of yogurt. He put a lid on the cup and began shaking it.

"It looks like he's making some instant breakfast … and … oh my …"

"What is it, Hotaru?" asked Haruka.

"Now he's drinking it!" she said archly, as Haruka chuckled.

Kuryakin set the cup down, and began nibbling on something white and rubbery-looking.

"He's eating something now," said Hotaru, who had to admit he looked sort of … cute, like a squirrel that had found a particularly tasty nut. Then suddenly, he made a face, and stuck his tongue out as if to say, "Oy, this is nasty." He did, however, continue to eat it. It must have be a dietary staple that he was becoming bored with.

"So, what is the problem, Setsuna?" asked Michiru.

"He is looking pathetic, and he is doing it on purpose," she replied.

Hotaru, Haruka and Michiru looked at Setsuna, and then at each other.

"Looking pathetic …" said Michiru, her eyes raised.

"_On purpose_," said Haruka, her expression thoroughly amused.

"Well, Setsuna," said Michiru, airily, "there is a simple solution to this base trickery."

"What?" she asked, as she took another glance out the window.

"Quit watching him, Setsuna-momma?" volunteered Hotaru, as she sat back down at the breakfast table.

"Two-to-one he's in the guest room by tonight," Haruka whispered to Michiru.

"You'll have to give me better odds than that," she whispered back. "Even money has him at least sleeping in the _genkan_."

Setsuna, who seemed to hear absolutely none of this and continued to look out the window, finally dropped her head, sighed, then took a bowl out of the cupboard, filled it with steamed rice, and ladled a sweet cinnamon sauce onto it. Then, she sat it on a plate and set two slices of buttered toast beside it.

"Extra hungry this morning, Setsuna-momma?" asked Hotaru nonchalantly. Haruka and Michiru were barely able to conceal their amusement when, looking supremely disgusted with herself, Setsuna headed to the front door. Then as if she'd thought better of it, she reappeared in the doorway of the dining room and said, "Hotaru, you are fully dressed. Come here, and take this to Mister Kuryakin, please. And tell him it was your idea."

"I _will_ take it, Setsuna-momma," she said, getting up and taking the bowl from Setsuna, "but I will _not_ lie to him about who sent it."

Once Hotaru went out the front door, Haruka and Michiru could no longer contain themselves.

"Y'know, Setsuna, it's worth putting up with him just to watch you come apart," Haruka said as Michiru smiled.

"Why are you two so insistent on tormenting me?" Setsuna said dryly.

Michiru smiled and said apologetically, "It's just so cute when you start acting motherly like this. It's like how you are with the kids at Juuban Elementary. You are actually a very gentle-hearted person, whether you realize it or not."

"Yes, you are obviously feeling a bit guilty this morning," said Haruka through a sip of coffee. "Why can't you just admit …"

"I have admitted it," Setsuna said, cutting her off. "I have also been very clear that it is _irrelevant_."

Hotaru came back in. "He said he'd leave the dishes on the porch in a few minutes. He'll ring the doorbell to let us know."

"Did you tell him I sent it?"

"No, Setsuna-momma. He did not ask."

Everyone sat down to finish breakfast. Ten minutes later, as Setsuna got up to get a second cup of tea, the doorbell rang. She sighed and waited just a moment, hoping that he would simply leave the dishes and get back to … well, whatever he ought to be doing right now to make himself useful. Then she went to get them. When she opened the door, he was not there. She picked up the bowl, saw that he had cleaned it, and left a folded up piece of paper inside with the words "Thank you, Miss Meioh, very much," written on it.

'_How does he do …'_

She looked up, and gasped loudly.

"Mister Kuryakin!"

The others came running. Kuryakin was walking toward the wooded area next to the house, with a short handle shovel in one hand, and roll of toilet paper on a stick in the other. Nighty, robe, slippers and all, Setsuna stormed into the cool morning after him as the others poked their heads out the door.

"Mister Kuryakin, _what are you doing_?!" she demanded, hands on her hips.

He looked a bit shocked. It was the most exasperated she'd ever sounded within his hearing.

"Well, I … may be from another galaxy but I still have to … y'know …"

"In the woods?"

"Unless you have a better idea …"

* * *

Hotaru was humming a little tune as she helped Kuryakin carry a few things up to the second floor guest room, which was the only one with a bed that might be big enough for him to sleep in without him hanging over the edge too much.

He then joined the Sailor Senshi at the dining room table. He had two things with him: the little black cylinder and rectangular something that appeared to be made out of polished _azul noce_ granite. It was, so he said, his "laptop computer," or really a device analogous to it used by his people. Hotaru had seen it many times in his studio but thought it was merely for decoration, though one day she did touch it and noted that it was strangely cool. Whatever it was made out of, it was sturdy enough, since it was one of few things still in the studio that had survived the fire.

Hotaru then began to watch carefully as she, 'The Kittens,' Setsuna-momma and Kuryakin-sensei gathered around the dining room table to talk about what to do next. When it came to matters of a looming fight, the Outer Planet Senshi, as Hotaru well knew, took their task seriously. As soldiers, they could be ruthless, cold, calculating, not inclined to accept help, and quite fatalistic. Such was the situation now, yet Setsuna had given into Kuryakin's presence among them and the general arrangement quicker than expected. Though she was still clearly uncomfortable and aloof with him, it was clear that, like it or not, circumstances were putting them together until this new enemy was found and dispatched. Equally strange, Haruka and Michiru also found themselves more or less at ease with the situation, too. This was, in part, Peter Kuryakin's fight, but though Haruka alone suspected that there was a second trajectory subtly at work here, and it might be that there were two fights and that they were merging together, the three elder Outer Planet Senshi fell right in with the discussion.

What Hotaru had attempted the previous evening had many facets to it. First of all, she sought to do something about the 'wholesale' way –so Kuryakin had put it- that her powers worked. Even before he described himself as an attenuator, she had already begun to get a feel for doing that herself, and it was by his example as her tutor that she had first begun to think this way. Here was a very tall, very fit, very smart, very charismatic man, who nevertheless used his strengths to help others, and give hope to those who needed it, regardless of their lot in life. He cared little or nothing for position or power, and even as the Ravagers did not disdain the slightest cruelty, he did not disdain the smallest kindness. She had realized that being an, or possibly _the_, angel of death, didn't necessarily mean she was herself was cursed, and loveless toward herself or others. As Hotaru thought more about it, what she had attempted with her guardians the previous evening was best described by analogy with the word 'elision,' a term in music that Michiru-momma had first taught her, and that Kuryakin-sensei explained further, whenever they played music together during her lessons. In an elision, a note or cord that ends a phrase becomes, in the same moment of musical time, the first note or chord of the next musical phrase. This happens often in classical music at weak cadence points, and Hotaru could think of no weaker cadence point in their lives than the failed attempt to defeat Galaxia. She herself had not quite known what the exact results would be, but she had finally understood that love occasionally manifested itself in a "Cold Look" too. Indeed, as Kuryakin had once quipped, Love is not blind: it is bound to those who are loved; blind is the last thing real love is. She had poured her deep love for all her guardians into her "discussion" with each of them, and though hers was a touch of death, she hoped that she could attenuate it enough for her touch to bring not just an ending, but also new birth in the same moment. Whether it had worked was up for grabs, but as they talked with each other and with Kuryakin, she realized that this new unity and comity she was seeing might have something to do with that. For now, things looked promising.

None too soon either. Kuryakin had seen and quickly assimilated the content of Haruka's notebook, and he and "Tomboy Kitten" were now thinking along the same lines. In the course of the discussion that followed, it became clear that they both thought the appearance of the ravager might not be mere coincidence. It might not have been planned in the strictest sense, but the Ravager had positioned itself to take advantage of any opportunities, and one had come in the form of a star in the Andromeda galaxy that burned a little brighter than usual one day.

* * *

On the table sat Haruka Tenoh's notebook, which she, over the last three and a half weeks, filled with streams of thought, coupled with news articles, internet items and deeper research that she first began because of something curious that had happened when she and Michiru had attended a party. It was a very fancy affair. Many of the people there were well-known to them, though it would be stretching comity to say these were 'their friends'. They were however, certainly, 'their set:' bankers, captains of industry, intellectuals, entertainment idols, supermodels, the usual crème de la crème, with whom Haruka and Michiru naturally fell in. She was having a not-too-unpleasant time. Michiru looked especially fetching in a lavender gown, and Haruka took a certain pleasure in the people taking note of her as they danced.

The evening took a marked downturn when a very handsome man came up to Michiru and asked to dance with her. Haruka had never met him before, but it was clear Michiru was acquainted with him. In fact, it quickly became clear this person was more than an acquaintance. That day at the dolphinarium, Michiru had told Kuryakin about how both she and Haruka had been approached by more than a few well-off men for the purpose of _enjo kosai_, or 'compensated dating.' Haruka was hardy a prude, far from it, but somehow, she had always seen _that_ the way many westerners saw it: as pure, if high-tone, prostitution. When she got a bit older, and began to appreciate how expensive her tastes ran, it was entirely possible she might have reconsidered that 'way of life.' But then Michiru entered her life, and thanks to her and her alter ego, _Sela Neptyune_, not to mention her first, big racing success and subsequent sponsorship, it was never necessary to reconsider.

The person they ran into at this party was one of those very rich men who had first approached Michiru a few years back. He was very familiar with her, not to mention persistent, and worse, at the end of the conversation, he explicitly propositioned Michiru right there in Haruka's presence. When he said, "and bring your friend, too," Haruka damn near punched his lights out. When Michiru wisely intervened, explaining that Haruka was "that very special person" in her life, the man took the hint, and then left, looking unusually sad about it. Haruka had no business being judgemental about this really, but for some reason, this rankled, and it was not just jealousy or her usual dislike of men. She wanted to know more about this guy, and when she saw that man later heading upstairs with a few other very well-off men, including Member of Parliament Kajiwara, she decided to follow them. She lost them for a bit, searched for them, and nearly gave up trying to find them, but then stumbled upon a hush-hush conversation, barely audible through a cracked door. Haruka had a great deal of trouble hearing it, but certain snippets were very clear: "this thing is real … it is going to happen … you should prepare … they are already here in some way … there is no stopping this ..."

At that point, Haruka had to take cover because the wait staff began bringing out a new wave of _hors d'œuvres,_ and when she was able to come out again, that meeting was breaking up. The man who had propositioned Michiru came out, but then lagged behind, waiting for the others to leave. He very sadly took out a picture from his wallet. "I wish she had said yes," he muttered quietly, and then, deeply saddened, discarded the picture. Haruka waited till he was gone, then went to the waste basket and took it out. It was a picture of Michiru, younger, but definitely her, playing her violin in a beautiful evening gown. If these things meant what she thought, this was actually quite touching. The man had truly cared about Michiru, and wanted to help her escape what he saw as some coming danger. It was an excellent picture of her. Haruka took out her wallet and slid it into a plastic holder. There was one word she heard that had puzzled her; one of them had said 'they' –whoever they were - were called 'The Macrobes.'

A week later, she had largely forgotten about the party, but as she and Michiru were out one day with some time to kill, they thought it might be fun to take in a movie. They decided on an apocalyptic film, which they, having been through a few "end of the world" scenarios themselves, viewed as a source of comedy more than anything. This movie did not disappoint. It had the usual clichéd dialogue, a boilerplate symphonic score, and lots of good special effects showing world landmarks getting thumped. But there was one character in the movie Haruka actually liked: a sardonic know-it-all, who gave the usual quips at the usual places. Then, out of nowhere, he uttered a phrase that stuck in her mind. As someone asked where the government was in the midst of the disasters befalling the world, that character had replied saying, "I wouldn't count on them if I were you. The elites have checked out of this one."

As someone whose lover was an artistic type, Haruka had many opportunities to consider the position of artist in a society. The artist has often been referred to as the cultural canary in the mineshaft. Whether that was true or not -and in Michiru's case, it very often _was_ true- Haruka wondered if there was some special reason why that line from an otherwise thoroughly "B" movie echoed in her brain now and then, especially in quiet moments. Haruka found herself spending idle moments thinking about just what the end of the world might look like, and more specifically, what "the elites checking out" would look like. Little would have come of this, but it was shortly thereafter that the scandal in the Japanese Parliament broke. When MP Kajiwara killed himself –a 'checking out' of the most decisive kind- Haruka decided it was more than just a coincidence. There was something on the wind, faint but there, and thus she began her researches. She had not really expected to find anything, so it was a real surprise when she did.

The evidence was mainly anecdotal and the contexts were often not very well explained. Still, Haruka began noticing little things, which she then followed up via television news, the internet, and Funabashi Academy's excellent research library. It was there that she discovered the usefulness of certain internet subscriptions sites that served as _ad hoc_ intelligence services for civilians. Usually, these sites were profit-making sites run by ex-members of various intelligence services, and run for the benefit of corporate patrons who depended on them to help keep their people safe in foreign countries. However, anyone willing to pay the subscription price was welcome. It did not take long for Haruka to realize that often these sites were a step or two ahead of state run intelligence agencies, especially Japan's rather inept one.

The main things she was looking for were scandals involving huge sums of money that had gone missing, unusual retirements, assassinations or suicides of high government officials, and anything else that might be considered 'checking out.' She had not had much luck finding out about missing monies, and if that was part of this, those trails were being covered very well. However, there had indeed been an unusual rash of suicides and otherwise suspicious deaths not just among government officials, but sometimes media people as well. It was far flung enough so that no one would notice unless someone was looking on a big enough scale, but this was mildly suspicious to Haruka. Surely, the hearts of so many had not all failed at once? What could be so terrible as to cause that? Then occasionally she'd see news where 'the cause of death' was disputed. Again, the evidence was purely anecdotal, but this suggested a sort of conspiracy. Her own run-ins with Infinity Academy's Witches Five and Sailor Galaxia's Anima-mates aside, Haruka's usual attitude toward conspiracies was one of "whatever happened, somebody, somewhere always knew it would." She was also keenly aware that when it came to secrets you could easily calculate the odds of the secret being compromised: square the number of people who know the secret, and that is the percentage chance of it being blown. If this weren't the truth, the Sailor Senshi would have little need of concealment auras.

Indeed, those concealment auras represented a _sine qua non_ of any erstwhile conspiracy: something that enforced secrecy against the fact that all actions have effects and eventually somebody will notice. Kuryakin-san was an excellent case-in-point, but there a few people without his unique abilities who also knew or at least suspected some of the identities of the Sailor Senshi. The impromptu interview with Mrs. Kajiwara was a badly needed step in getting to the bottom of this, and Haruka found herself continually grateful for her courage in telling her about the 'man with no eyes.' That gave Haruka her first whiff of what the conspirators' secrecy enforcer squad might look like. Since then she had picked up on other stories about "people with no eyes," though regrettably, these stories were usually to be found in the tabloid press. Still, some of them seemed quite plausible. Because of this, Haruka remained convinced that MP Kajiwara had not killed himself. She no longer doubted that he had done so by his own hand, but she was not at all sure that the man was in full control of himself when he did.

But she had accepted that, as Mrs. Kajiwara had told her, his death clearly had to do with the embezzlement scandal in the Japanese Parliament. The problem: she had been going on the assumption that any missing monies were being taken in order weather what ever storm was coming. If these monies were being stolen so people in the know could hole up in some survivalist hideaway, committing suicide rather circumvented the need. Thus, she had pretty much hit a brick wall. There was simply no way she could think of to follow that kind of trail, but at least she realized this might not be about "the elites checking out," but something different. It was Kuryakin who provided the answer.

The appearance of the Ravager was one clue. Now Kuryakin stepped in with an analysis that he had begun as the others went back to sleep. Not only was his 'laptop' a computer far more powerful than anything known on earth (except perhaps, Sailor Mercury's quantum computer) it was in fact, an adjunct to the little black cylinder. With the two of them, Kuryakin had the handheld equivalent of the American CIA's notorious "Echelon Program" for monitoring and analyzing all wireless communications around the globe. Given its advanced nature and a computing power four orders of magnitude greater than anything on earth, it was also a hacker's dream machine, and in fact, amounted to whole intelligence service in its own right.

After leaving the Senshi with his promise to keep their sleep undisturbed, he input some search parameters, and set the computer to work. Then he went back to sleep as well. Just as he was drifting off, he was awakened by a tapping on the window, and bewilderingly but pleasantly surprised to find Miss Meioh there. She wanted to know that he was warm enough. He told her that he was fine, that he was well aware how uncomfortable he made her but that he felt very strongly he should keep close to them during this crisis, and that his present lodgings were fine. She seemed satisfied and he could not help but follow her with a wistful gaze all the way back into the house. God, but he had it bad for her. He could also see the difficult fight was occurring inside of her, and even said a short prayer on her behalf.

He awoke that morning, about a half an hour ahead of the Senshi. When he did, his computer chirruped, and he checked the results. They looked promising. He refined this analysis adding layer after layer of probability elimination variables and functions, and then settled down to breakfast – such as it was. All during this time, Kuryakin suspected he was being watched from the house, and when Hotaru emerged a bit later carrying a bowl of rice, and some toast, he was certain of it. The aura on it was not Hotaru's, and though he thanked her for bringing it, he knew exactly who had sent it. As he enjoyed Miss Meioh's sweet cinnamon rice, the computer chirruped again, and surprisingly clear picture emerged from the results.

* * *

This is what he now showed the Senshi.

"Now I've classified these results by order of probability, highest to lowest."

"I do not understand," said Setsuna. "How can you possibly have followed a trail of laundered money?"

"Ah," said Michiru, remembering something he'd said in passing at the dolphinarium. "You are mildly dyslexic."

"That was the beginning of it, yes," he said, as though it was something he was slightly ashamed of. "That is part of the reason Oyarsi-Viritrilbia said my head was 'too bent.' But between he and Oyarsi-Neruval they found a way to make that work for me. Neruval is the oddest one of the Great Six. Neruval can see things that no one else, not even Lurga or Glund, can see. Really, Miss Meioh, it should be impossible, unless it's actually happened. But since we know the goal, it really is possible for me to look for patterns that come to that goal.

First you have to learn how to see layers of patterns. A little prescience and insight doesn't hurt either. But even at the practical level, the one universal constant is bureaucracy. You'd be amazed as how well organized this world given its relative chaos. You might think that there are a huge number of similarly sized transactions going on throughout the world, but record keeping is pretty solid and detailed, and the number is … manageable. Those Swiss banks are remarkably well protected, but I was still able to find a way in, and be get specific about what I was looking for. I started with the amount reported by the media. Even an amount such as that can only be broken up into so many smaller units. If you cross check the amounts, you can develop a pretty narrow pool.

This morning when I woke up, I started increasing the number of variables of low probability to pare the list down a bit, and low and behold, a pattern emerged. Now either this is a clever but pointless mathematical illusion fueled by my own, admittedly febrile, imaginings, or this little conspiracy goes all the way around this world. And I can tell you where some, though not all of that money has gone. This money isn't being used so the elites can 'check out' although a cursory look at some of the patterns I'm seeing in the European banks suggest that is happening. As you've suspected, Tenoh-san, this money is being stolen, from all over the world, for a purpose. The question now is what? And does it have anything to do with the Ravager?"

"That guy at the party …"

"Speaking of which, Haruka," Michiru interrupted, "I want to talk to you about that later."

"Yes, Michiru," Haruka said, smiling nervously. "Anyway, that guy said they were called the Macrobes."

"The Macrobes, huh?" said Kuryakin looking pensive.

"Yup," Haruka replied. "Have you heard of them?"

"Well, no," he replied, "but the formation of the word explains itself, I think. Microbes are minute single celled life forms, well below humans in organization and complexity. A 'Macrobe' then would be something more advanced in some way than human life. I've never heard the Ravagers call themselves that, but it'd be just like them to give themselves such a name. Question is, how did humans ever come into contact with the ravagers … assuming that's what has happened? And that is why I am very interested in this …"

Kuryakin's little black cylinder was projecting his findings on a rotating global map. Now he stopped the rotation and centered the image on Japan. "There are two locations very near here with a high probability that some of that money was used to buy services from them. One company is right here in Kisarazu. They make high tech electronics, and their forte is transmission equipment, which I find very interesting, if indeed this has something to do with the appearance of a ravager here. They have the contract to build the new transmission tower in the Sumida Ward, the one that will replace Tokyo Tower. And then there is this one: it appears that a disbursement went to the Toshimaru shipping company in Nagoya. For the moment, we should assume that the equipment being made here is going there for shipping."

"I thought you were going to avoid any more assumptions," said Setsuna dryly.

"Well, assumptions are all we've got right now. As elegant as this is, it is still just a probability construct."

"So where do we go from here?" asked Hotaru.

"Well, there's one sure way to find out. Whoever these people are, and whatever they have to do with the ravager, they are trying to hide something. We don't know what it is, so let's be proactive, if only to put the burden of uncertainty on them. Then, instead of us wondering so much what they're up to, we'll make them worry about how much we know."

Haruka especially liked the sound of that very much. She began banging away on her laptop.

"I'll start with the company here in Kisarazu, and tomorrow I'll hit the one in Nagoya," said Kuryakin, looking thoughtful.

"But I wonder if we have time for that?" Michiru asked.

"As do I. It does feel like something that is far along, does it not?" said Setsuna.

"Are you volunteering, Miss Kaioh?"

Michiru merely smiled.

"Well, to tell you the truth I really wanted to be the one to take all the risks here, but I agree: there may not be much time. We need answers."

"Why haven't we seen this coming?" Hotaru asked.

"We have, Hotaru," Haruka winked. "We have." Then after a few more clicks on her laptop, she said, "That shipping company also has a small ship building division. They're small, but I knew I'd heard of them before. They make yachts –very posh ones - and they actually have guided tours. Including one this afternoon. You up for it, Michiru?"

Michiru smiled.

"Mister Kuryakin," said Setsuna, "I am coming with you, when you go to the electronics firm."

"That's not necessary, Miss Meioh."

"I insist."

"Very well," said Kuryakin, surprised but not unhappy to hear this.

"We leave in one hour," said Haruka.

"Will Hotaru be coming with us?" Kuryakin asked.

The Elder Outer Senshi looked at each other. It felt strange to think of Hotaru coming along on clandestine operations, but they were all Senshi, and she, in her way, was the strongest of them all.

"Hotaru," Setsuna smiled. "You shall come with us."

Hotaru smiled as the rest of them nodded.


	30. Chapter 09 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 009 – Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**

**(Part 1)**

* * *

As Haruka and Michiru headed for Nagoya they discussed that party where Haruka overheard that secret conversation. Until Haruka had told them all about it, Michiru had not quite realized how upset Haruka was over running into her old acquaintance. Haruka always had trouble with charismatic men, and in the case of someone who once approached Michiru for _enjo kosai_, her discomfiture trebled. Michiru was flattered by this jealousy, but still, Haruka ought to know her and trust her well enough, and show a little more self-control. Michiru always trusted in "them" even when Haruka's eyes wandered at the appearance of pretty young girls. Haruka knew that was what Michiru wished to say, after fully realizing how upset she'd been at that party. Ironically, such an in-depth conversation actually consisted of very few words. Michiru always had Haruka's back, not only in a fight, but in the little things. That Haruka ought to remember that a little more often was the upshot of the exchange.

They arrived at the shipping company and the moment she passed through the door, Michiru could tell they had come to the right place for answers.

"Be careful, Haruka," she said, a bit of worry creeping into her expression.

"You sensing something?"

"Yes," she replied.

"We're in the right place. No worries then," Haruka smirked.

After checking with the information desk, they found that the next tour would only have a few people in it. It would be hard for them to slip away without their absence being noticed. However, the next tour group would have quite a few people who were here at the behest of some big shot who wanted to show off his new purchase. That sounded much more promising, and they decided to go grab a cup of something warm, wait for the next group, and quietly see if they could figure out where the filing room was.

* * *

Kuryakin was pulling on a black sweat shirt to match his pants, when he saw Setsuna and Hotaru coming toward him. He wanted to chuckle. They were dressed in nearly identical outfits. They were maroon and smartly trimmed with black accents, and even had matching hats, but Hotaru's had a pleated skirt, while Setsuna's had her usual tight mid-thigh skirt. Setsuna looked great and Hotaru adorable, but the outfits looked very business-like, even official, as both of them were wearing ID badges with fake names on them. Both of them had on sunglasses as well.

'_What is this now?'_ he thought, trying to hide his amused smile as he put on a black longshoreman's jacket.

"Is there something amusing, Mister Kuryakin?" Setsuna asked, as she opened the passenger side sliding door for Hotaru to get in.

"The … hats are a bit much, I think, but I know little about fashion. We have some sort of plan, I take it?"

"I have done this sort of thing before," she said with confidence. "I am going to be a reporter for a science magazine and Hotaru will be my personal assistant. Were you able to hack into their computers?"

"Yes and no," he said. "I got in okay, but they don't have the info we're looking for. They ship a lot of things out of Nagoya, and they do a lot of specialized work for customers all over the world. I need more specifics."

"So then," said Setsuna, "while you are snooping around, hit or miss, and most likely getting nowhere, I will be going straight to the source and getting some answers."

"Is that some sort of challenge, Miss Meioh?"

"This is not a game, Mister Kuryakin."

"Yes," he said, suddenly serious, "I was checking the news channels a few minutes ago, and the 280 dead people in England reminded me of that."

"Have there been any other such attacks?" Setsuna asked, as she got into the van.

"Not that I can tell, thank God. And by the way, it won't be exactly hit or miss. I know where their records room is. Now I just need to get a look at anything unusual they've been designing lately."

"Kuryakin-sensei, where did you put the seats when you were sleeping in here?" asked Hotaru, as he got into to the driver's seat.

"They fold down to create cargo space. By the way, Hotaru-chan, have you ever done this sort of thing before?"

"No, but I have the best teachers on the planet. Besides, I'm a Senshi," she said as if that settled the matter.

"Indeed," said Kuryakin, as he put the van in gear. "Well then, Sailor Senshi, here we go …"

* * *

"Who's the kid?" asked the Vice-Chief of Operations at the Matsusaka Isotronics firm.

When the elevator delivered Setsuna and Hotaru to the 28th floor of their corporate headquarters, she took quick stock of the situation and was pleased to see that her instincts were 'on' as usual. The receptionist at the first desk was young and looked to be inexperienced. Setsuna walked up to her, and explained her business. After dickering with her - "He's in a meeting, he's not to be disturbed, etc…" - Setsuna finally persuaded her to at least tell the man she was here and ask him to meet with her for just a moment.

The man came out. Setsuna was not a flirt in any way. She was proper at all times, kept her expression serious, if somewhat passive, and never spoke in anything other than her antiquated dialect, but the understated sexuality of her dress, and her tall, lithe, statuesque figure bespoke a class that, when needed, worked well for her, and gave her that sort of "command of the situation" when she needed it. The Vice-COO took one good look at her and she was halfway in the door without speaking a word. He introduced himself, then noticed Hotaru and looked very, very puzzled.

"She is my personal assistant," said Setsuna in answer to his question.

"Does she have note from her mom to be here?" he asked, trying to sound funny.

"Miss Tomonaga?" Setsuna prompted, using Hotaru's fake name. "Proceed."

"Yes, Meiosei-sama," Hotaru said, inwardly grinning at how fun this was.

Hotaru then launched into a quick, serious, business-like lecture about everything to do with Matsusaka Isotronics: product line, manufacturing processes, current liquidity and Nikkei market value, executive hierarchy complete with names and schooling, everything one could quickly cull from the internet and squeeze into a three minute discourse. It was very well done, as Setsuna-momma's satisfied and rather proud look told her at once.

"Smart kid. You've done your homework."

"She is the best personal assistant I have ever had. So then, will you consent to an interview?"

"Absolutely," said the Vice-COO, quickly and duly smitten with the statuesque beauty and the precocious young girl before him. He ushered them into his office.

"We've had a few reporters around here lately," he said, "ever since we won that contract to provide the electronics for the new TV transmission tower in the Sumida Ward. I take it that's why you are here?"

"Yes," said Setsuna, who had also been counting on that, and was pleased to see she was not mistaken. "I should like to ask you about that, among other things."

* * *

For someone so tall and noticeable, Kuryakin was good at stealth. He waited a few minutes in the first floor lobby, while Setsuna and Hotaru attempted to see one of the company execs. After about ten minutes, he decided that they must have succeeded, so he asked the receptionist where the nearest bathroom was. He hid out there for a few minutes, and once the coast was clear, he began his search for the records room.

* * *

The island was called Tinuatu. It was afternoon there, though no one but the birds should have noticed. At seven degrees north latitude and just east of the antemeridian, it was quite isolated. Its nearest neighbors were Howland Island and Baker Island well to the south, and both uninhabited. It did however lie along several shipping routes. It was the remnant of a long dormant volcano, but it did not have the usual atoll structure common in that area, and was quite uninteresting geologically, except for one thing: a great network of caverns left by magma tubes and reservoirs that had been drained suddenly and completely by an undersea earthquake two hundred years ago. This was not generally known because of the lava domes, over grown with greenery, that covered all access to the caves. If it had been known, the place might have attracted much more interest. Some of the caverns were huge, and extended well down into the ocean. Tinuatu was uninhabited, until it was leased two years ago, ostensibly for placement of a navigational beacon and transmission array by an Australian entrepreneur with visions of putting up an orbital luxury hotel. Or least that's what the paperwork said if anyone were to look into it. To anyone overflying the island, or passing by on a ship, the island still appeared uninhabited.

In fact, it was a very busy place. A visitor to that island on this day would have seen the last remnants of a small container ship registered to a small tramp tanker company based in Singapore being cut up into small pieces and sent to a powder metallurgy smelter. By means of graphite electrodes, the scrap steel was melted in the melting chamber. Then, under moderate pressure, the molten steel was extruded through small openings, and hit with nitrogen gas. The gas expanded rapidly due to the heat creating incredible turbulence and destabilizing the molten stream as it cooled, atomizing the steel. The powdered steel was then sent to the centrifuge for separation into various grades. The most useful powders were put into molding containers, vacuum pumped to remove the air, and sealed. These were then sent to a Hot Isostatic Press, where the powder was welded back into solid steel, and forged or rolled. This method was chosen because it created very little smoke, because the steel made in this way could be easily forged into any necessary shape, and because steel created by the powder metallurgy method held all of the toughness and fracture strength records to date. The electricity for the process was provided by the culled power plants of several 'tramp tankers' – which in fact carry any bulk cargo- that had 'gone missing' over the last year.

A visitor to the island on this day would also have been in mortal danger. The Ravager had arrived and the busyness of the place was about to become an eerie, deathly quiet. It lurked in the shadows watching for the completion of the superstructure for the transmission array. Primitive though it was, the transmission equipment manufactured in the place the Terrans called Japan, would be good enough for the intended purpose. It would be installed even as the last of the superstructure was built, and then the humans that had been co-opted into doing the bidding of his kind on this world would reach the end of their usefulness. He was … hungry, but with the extremely unpleasant discovery that man was here on this world, the ravager had no choice but to lie low, and await the completion of this project. If all went well, he would be dealt with very soon.

And there was that further complication. His allies were something to worry about after all. His own earth minions knew little about them, but apparently, that man had found a group of magical guardians known as the Sailor Senshi. He felt the power within them when he had tracked down the girl with The Hated One's stench on her. If all went well, The Ravager would soon find out just how magical they were.

* * *

Down in Nagoya, Haruka and Michiru had joined the second tour group. There was a worrisome moment when they realized that these people were of 'their set' and there might be someone who knew them among the group. Fortunately, there were only two people they had seen at parties, neither of whom they were remotely acquainted with. The tour was actually quite interesting, especially the part about how the composite hulls were formed. As the company demonstrated their unique steam pressing method on a 75 foot super-yacht, the sound covered their quick exit through a nearby door.

"Haruka?" said Michiru, "there is definitely something going on here. Be sharp."

"Always."

* * *

Kuryakin peeked around the corner on the 14th floor. The security cameras everywhere were no problem for him. The little black cylinder in his hand could momentarily 'fuzz them' them – so he called it- until he'd passed. A few minutes later, he found the room he was looking for. He put his hand on the door to try and sense if anyone was in there. There were a few people in the filing room, but that wasn't what he needed to see. Timing it carefully, he entered without being seen. By carefully moving through the rows of cabinets, he made it into the microfilm room where hardcopies of schematics for all the company's products could be found. No one saw him, and when he entered that room, he was quiet enough that the one person in there took no notice of him. Kuryakin hid until that person left. Then he started looking for schematics for any equipment that anything to do with radiated transmissions. He was going on a hunch, but if the ravager was involved, his hunch should be on. He began looking at diagrams for their most advanced stuff. Twice he had to take cover quickly, but afterward, it didn't take long for him to find something very interesting. He took note of the schematic serial numbers on the microfiche, and then snuck into a computer room to find the corresponding data files and print out copies for a better look.

* * *

After asking some basic questions about the new TV tower in the Sumida Ward, Setsuna began asking questions about the various types of customers and the reasons they used the various products produced here, especially the latter. Hotaru sat nearby, dutifully making notes, almost as if she were back in Kuryakin's studio in the midst of a lesson. The conversation had proceeded very amicably, and the Vice-COO was very forthcoming about the various customers from all over the world.

"Have you made products for any uses in aerospace?" she asked.

"Well, any number of our products could have such applications."

"Indeed? Have you recently designed anything specifically for application in space?"

"Well, NASA recently awarded us a subcontract in conjunction with an American firm for some equipment going into the international space station."

"Very interesting. Anything else? Perhaps to do with SETI research and the like?"

'_SETI? Why should that come up …?'_ At the mere mention of anything to do with extraterrestrials, the man was instantly suspicious. Setsuna now had the first of the answers she sought here. It had been her intention all along to ask questions that might ultimately get her and Hotaru thrown out. Her own psychic powers had 'gone off' as she entered the building, but she was also able to sense that any 'evil aura' in the place was minimal. At that point, she changed her tack, deciding to set her interviewee at ease, before making it known that she thought there might have been some sort of shady doings here. At that point, if the company was complicit in whatever conspiracy might be afoot, she felt it would go one of two ways: either the man would be puzzled because he really didn't know anything, or he would deny anything to do with it, and ask them to leave, in which case, it would be reasonable to assume that something was going on.

"Miss Meiosei, who did you say you worked for again?" he asked.

As Setsuna explained, Hotaru, though new to this, picked up on the possibility that things were about to get very interesting. The man quickly turned to his desktop computer and searched for the alleged publication that "Miss Meiosei" and "Miss Tomonaga" worked for. It was quickly apparent he could find no such publication.

"Who are you people?" the man, who had suddenly gotten very nervous, asked. "Why do you want to know about anything to do with … I think you'd better leave. This interview is over." He rose from his desk and headed to the door of his office to show them out. "Don't make me call Security," he said, threateningly, as he reached for the door handle.

Then a hand grabbed his, and, after twisting it at an angle that would assure compliance but little pain as long as that compliance was quickly given, the Vice-COO found himself being led back to his desk. The tall figure that emerged from the shadows then unplugged his phone. Setsuna and Hotaru were nearly as surprised as the Vice-COO.

"You're with them, aren't you?" he said sounding very scared now.

"Tell us what we need to know," said the tall man in a deep voice, "and I swear, you will never see us again, except by happenstance."

"Who are 'they'?" Setsuna asked. She was actually pleased to see Kuryakin - for Hotaru's sake, if things had gotten heated. Or so she told herself. The man had a flare for timing, and that was something that she, given her occupation, appreciated more than most.

"Look," the Vice-COO said, very nervous now, "I can't tell you that."

"Why not?"

"Because those people …"

"You were threatened?"

"Not explicitly. You wouldn't understand … unless you'd met them. They don't have to threaten."

"Officially speaking, who did you build these modules for?" asked Kuryakin as he put the plans he'd copied on his desk. The man barely glanced at them. He clearly knew what this was all about.

"A company in Argentina." He gave them the name.

"I assume that you're aware that firm does not exist," said Kuryakin, playing a hunch.

"We didn't know that at first."

"You did not care at all to try and find out to what purposes these people might put the equipment you were making for them?" asked Setsuna.

"Look," he said, sweating heavily now, "everything seemed on the up and up, at first. They hired us, gave us the specs, and kept throwing R&D money at us until we were able to build them. All the checks cashed. I did as I was told, delivered the goods, and made a lot of money for this company. Once we sent them off, I was just glad to be done with it. And them."

"How were you supposed to deliver those modules?"

"Through a shipping company in Nagoya. I think from there they were supposed to go to a Chilean Port."

"Which Chilean port?"

"Valparaíso, I think."

"Do you have any idea what they're up to?"

"No. I swear it. I'm just glad we're done with them."

"I doubt that," Kuryakin said ominously, and the man looked positively petrified.

"No need to worry," said Setsuna, looking over her shoulder, as all three visitors headed for the door. "In a few minutes, this will have never happened."

* * *

Setsuna's concealment aura went into effect the moment they left the Vice-CEO's office. He emerged from it thirty minutes later, wondering where the last hour had gone, why his wrist was so stiff, and why his staff hadn't told him he was going to be late for an important business luncheon.

"How did that interview go?" one of his secretaries asked him.

"What interview?" he asked, and the other secretaries looked puzzled as well.

"Wasn't there just … someone …?" The secretary's words trailed off. _'I need a vacation.'_

* * *

"That is an excellent trick," Kuryakin said as he, Setsuna, and Hotaru left the building.

"Thank you," she said. "As you can see, I do know what I am doing when it comes to this sort of thing. And just how did you get into that office without being seen?"

Kuryakin merely smiled.

"That was fun," said Hotaru.

"No, Hotaru, it was not," said Setsuna reprovingly. "It was our job. Nothing more."

'_It was still fun,'_ thought Hotaru as she got into the van.

"Speaking of which, I wonder how The Kittens are doing?" said Kuryakin, as he looked back over his shoulder at the building. Miss Meioh's excellent trick notwithstanding, he was pretty sure someone was watching their departure with keen interest.

* * *

It would be three hours before they found out how Haruka and Michiru were doing. As they headed home, Kuryakin tried to call them on his cell phone. After they'd gone a little further, he asked Setsuna to call them to see if they were okay and had found out anything. She did so and got no answer. Kuryakin started to look a bit worried for them. Setsuna and Hotaru both took note as he drove a very circuitous route to the house to make sure they weren't being followed. He just couldn't shake that feeling someone had watched them leave the Matsusaka Isotronics Company. When they got home, Setsuna, at Hotaru's prompting, called again.

Nothing.

Setsuna took all of this in stride, and Hotaru tried to take her cue from her, but Kuryakin's expression became grimmer with each passing minute. He kept telling himself that they were fighters, that they had magical protections and attacks, and that if push came to shove, they could handle themselves; at different times, he had seen these Sailor Senshi do it from afar, and they did it very, very well. This might have been the first moment where Kuryakin realized that even though they had really not had much contact, and that they didn't know him, nor he they, very well, he had come to care for them both quite a bit. Now that he, Hotaru, and Setsuna had confirmed the danger was very real, he wished they'd gone out a little better prepared, whatever that meant. Meanwhile, Setsuna went to the phone in the dining room / kitchen, and began dialing a number. Kuryakin tried to call The Kittens on his cell phone and again there was no answer.

"I'm going to go after them," he said.

"Mister Kuryakin," said Setsuna very levelheadedly, "what point is there in that? You have no idea where they are, or what, if anything has happened. They can handle themselves."

"I know, but if anything happened, I'd feel responsible."

"You will be responsible," she replied, more accusingly than she meant to sound.

"Perfection is overrated, Miss Meioh," he retorted, "though just now, … I wish they had it."

Setsuna was calling Rei Hino, and she answered a moment later. Setsuna told her that they had confirmed there was a danger. Hino-san asked if there was anything they could do to help. Setsuna told her that they didn't know enough about the enemy yet, and that, for the time being, the one thing that the Inner Planet Senshi could do that would help the most was to make sure the Prince and Princess were safe. Again, Rei Hino made Setsuna swear that when it came time for fighting, she would call on them. Setsuna promised and then told her that she should let everyone know something was up. She also promised to call her again tonight.

Kuryakin suddenly raised his head up. He could sense The Kittens were close to home. He would have been relieved, except the same prescience told him something had gone badly wrong. Ten minutes later, a car screeched to a halt to a stop in the circle drive, and then, its engine spent, it died right there. It was Tomboy Kitten's Ferrari. It had taken a terrible beating, but no one noticed because Haruka was picking up an unconscious Michiru in her arms and screaming for Hotaru as loud as she could. She carried Michiru to the couch in the TV room, heedless of the blood that had soaked through Michiru's clothes and was staining her arm then dripping to the floor. Hotaru feared her power of healing minor injuries was going to be over taxed, but ever since she'd healed that boy at the hospital, she had wondered just how far she could push that ability. This seemed like a good time to find out.

Michiru regained consciousness a few minutes after Hotaru went to work. She was hurting, but the wounds that the blood came from, while not merely superficial, were within Hotaru's powers to close up quickly once Setsuna had removed any shrapnel from them. The Senshis' considerable recuperative powers completed the job. Kuryakin watched from the doorway as the three of them fretted over her, his expression increasingly pained. Setsuna glanced at him, and he asked "Is there anything I can do?" She looked at him as if to say _'anything you can do? Now is not the time to go into that.'_ Setsuna was torn right down the middle between wanting to say something that would make Kuryakin feel better, and something that would make him feel even worse. For the moment, she said "no, nothing." Hotaru had been focused completely on Michiru, but now that she was out of danger, and the pain was being relieved, she looked up at him, and winked.

'_She'll be fine. I think.'_

Perhaps, but Kuryakin looked like someone remembering something terrible.

"Michiru-momma?" she asked a few minutes later. "How do you feel?"

"Not too bad, I think. Thank you, dear Hotaru, and you, Setsuna."

"Just relax, Michiru," said Haruka, the justifiable near panic in her face having ebbed to mere justifiable concern.

"My, I've made quite a mess here, haven't I?" Michiru smiled wanly, as she reached a hand to Haruka's face. "So how's the car?"

"I don't think I can bear to look," Haruka replied, as she nuzzled her face, and kissed her cheek.

"Why so sad, Mister Kuryakin?" Michiru asked, glancing at the tall figure, partially hidden in shadow, in the doorway. "You're such a softie."

"Yes, because when I see someone innocent get hurt, I wonder, is that what it looked like when she …" but he did not finish that sentence. In fact, he began to wonder if he hadn't said something really stupid. It was 'Princess Kitten' who was hurt, not anyone else. Why could he think of this only in the context of his own bad memories? "I'm so very sorry, Miss Kaioh."

She regarded him circumspectly as she drew in a slow breath. Then, smiling an impishly fetching smile that completely belied what had just happened, she said, "You're mad about us, aren't you?"

He smiled a little.

"We have news," she said, raising herself up. But first, she thought they should explain what had happened to them.

* * *

Getting into the filing room at the Toshimaru Shipping Company had proven to be a bit of a trick for Haruka and Michiru. There were plenty of security cameras around, and more than a few security guards. Haruka noticed that they all wore sunglasses even though they were indoors, and pointed that out to Michiru.

"Do you think it means something?" she asked.

"Maybe."

In fact, getting there proved so tricky, it was necessary for Michiru to use her talisman to find a weak spot in the security coverage. The magical mirror performed well. It not only gave them the floor the filing room was located on and a back door to it, but it also hinting at which cabinets to look at. There were cameras in there, as well, but there were also other people. Haruka and Michiru would blend in well at least for a few minutes. If anyone asked, they would claim to be interns, but the room was a very busy place and no one took much note of them. As Haruka rifled through the files of a particular cabinet, she came across a few folders that were noticeably thicker than the others. She pulled them out and handed one of them to Michiru. The files were a very interesting read.

"Michiru," Haruka whispered, "if your mirror is working this well, this must be a real hot spot."

"Haruka …"

They had both been so engrossed in what they were reading they didn't notice the filing room had quietly emptied of people.

"Uh oh."

Moments later, a dozen security guards burst into the room, shouting. The room was empty. After jamming the door, Haruka and Michiru were already headed down the hallway they'd come in by. It was a maintenance hall and didn't have any cameras, but to get out, they would have to go through hallways that did.

"I wonder if we can get out by rejoining that tour group?" asked Michiru as they took a moment to fold up and stash some of the papers they'd taken.

"That's what I'm thinking, too," Haruka said, with that tiny, confident smile that impending action usually brought out. "We should be able to take cover among them for a few minutes. They won't want a scene with that big wig here."

There was a loud bang at the other end of the hall. The guards were breaking through the jammed door with a vengeance.

"Okay, let's go," said Haruka. "And remember don't run until we absolutely have to."

"I know that," Michiru smiled.

They walked out into a hallway and tried to hide among several people headed to and fro in the course of their jobs. Further down, they came to a big elevated concourse, and through the broad windows, they could see their tour group several floors below. The quickest way there would be to take an elevator, but the elder Outer Planet Senshi were well-versed in this and knew that when you were running, using an elevator was about the best way possible to trap yourself. They quickly came to a junction where the concourse diverged in several directions. They headed for the nearest door, hoping the numerous possible paths might confuse their pursuers long enough to find the tour group.

It didn't.

"Damn," Haruka barked. The moment the door closed behind them, they were beset by eight men. She lashed out at the nearest with a kick to his head that sent him toppling into the others as his sunglasses flew off. The man glowered at them, and they both saw it. The 'men with no eyes' did in fact have eyes, but the whites were black as night and the irises had a vague red glow to them with an occasional bluish sparkle. The effect was one of eerie dehumanization. Michiru could sense that these were indeed earth humans, but like the students at Infinity Academy, they were "hostes" for something else. All eight of them rushed the two girls. They were agile, quicker and stronger than anyone would expect, and fought hard, keeping the men at bay, but they were being driven slowly toward an elevator. Then the guards paused, and one of them held up a controller and pushed a button. The elevator doors opened behind them but the car wasn't there. Haruka took a quick look. The car was well above them. It was probably their intention to knock them down the empty shaft.

That was a mistake. Haruka looked at Michiru, who nodded. To the surprise of the guards, both girls jumped. Fourteen floors below, rays of orange light glimmered through the cracks of the elevator door. A moment later, and the door and its frame were blown completely free of the wall as the orange light lit up the dark basement. Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune emerged from the elevator shaft at a dead run. The security guards who had come to check out the noise quickly found themselves awash in a wave of sea water that carried them out into the open. The two Senshi ran along a walkway that would take them to the super yacht, where the tour group was now eating wine and cheese and checking out the big wig's prize purchase. When they got close enough, they de-transformed, and joined them looking innocent as little lambs and as curious as everyone else as to what the noise was all about. They got there just in time. This was a motored sailing yacht, and the anchorage motors were coming to life. Apparently, there would be a quick trip around the bay. This was perfect. Which ever way they went, they would pass very close to the parking lot before docking.

The boat took the 'long way' around the bay. Haruka and Michiru happily availed themselves of the refreshments, as they noticed with satisfaction that back ashore, the guards were running helter-skelter trying to find them. They chatted idly with a few people, and blended in extremely well. By the time it headed back to shore, the security guards had figured out they had hidden among the tour group. Haruka half-expected that and they could see a bunch of them gathered at the dock waiting for them. Fortunately, the boat would pass very close to the shore, and the parking lot.

"Think we can make it?" Haruka asked.

"Only if you haven't had too much to drink, Haruka."

She smirked, and the two of them ambled casually toward the back of the boat. Half a minute later, Haruka and Michiru jumped, landing on the shore twenty feet away. They walked oh-so-casually to the parking lot, and could see guards in the distance pointing to them, and running toward them. Ten seconds later, Haruka's Ferrari left them in the dust. They seemed to be home free. Just the same, Haruka kept to the speed limit so as not to attract any undue attention, while Michiru began taking a better look at the files they'd stolen. They made it to the outskirts of Tokyo without any trouble, and entered the Tokyo Bay Aqualine. Halfway through the tunnel, Haruka noticed a single car coming up fast behind them.

"Michiru," she said quietly, nodding her head behind them. It wouldn't do for them to find out where they lived. By the time, they were done taking the Aqualine bridge's turns and entering the flow of highway traffic, it was obvious that car was indeed following them. The driver was honking and gesticulating wildly at the car in front of him to hurry up. Haruka took an exit that would take the back way around the peninsula to the house. She should have no trouble losing one car. But then, one car became two and then four. Or maybe more. It was hard to tell since they were all different makes.

'_What ever happened to the good old days where the bad guys all drove the same black sedans?'_ Haruka thought.

They thundered down the highway, with the four of them were trying to box her in. Every time one of them tried to pull ahead of her, she drove her Ferrari as though it were an extension of her body, whisking in and out traffic, and hoping that somewhere she might be able to catch the attention of a police car. None were to be found.

"Never around when you need them, eh Haruka?" said Michiru with a grim but fetching smile.

"We've missed exit, too," she smiled back.

A silver SUV was bearing down on them. They were coming to a turn and Haruka slowed a little to see if he would try to pass her. He did, which was a mistake. Haruka accelerated through the back of the turn and tapped him quite lightly on the left rear. The heavy vehicle fishtailed, then went out of control and rolled. A red minivan met the same fate, in even more spectacular fashion, when the driver tried to use the down slope of the hill to outrun Haruka to the bottom. With one tap, the van rolled then sailed magnificently through the air. There was no time to consider that the occupants had surely perished in the sickening crash that followed. Now on level ground again, a tan luxury car managed to come even with them and slammed into her. As she was dodging it, the green sports car – the car that had first picked them up- shot past her on the left. Then, as it pulled well ahead, something flew out of the window.

"Haruka!" Michiru screamed. The first and only woman to win Dakar nearly managed to dodge it completely, but the blast caught the right side of the car. Michiru's head slammed hard into her shoulder, but most frightening was the blood she could only see out of the corner of her eye as she was trying to keep control of the car. She did not have time to ponder the miracle that prevented any of the tires from being blown. They had jumped the median, bumping and banging as they went, but Haruka was as good as her billing, and kept the car upright. They bounced hard onto the opposite highway, and then cut across four lanes of countervailing traffic to spin around and join the flow. At the next intersection, Haruka was able to take the turn off she'd meant to, but it seemed that if she slowed down at all, the car would die, so she drove it mercilessly up the winding mountain road that would take her to the house from the south. The Ferrari gasped and sputtered all the way, wisps of steam flowing from under the hood, and trailing oil. It took every ounce of skill and nerve she possessed to get them home.


	31. Chapter 09 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**Chapter 009 – **_**Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**_

**(Part 2)**

**

* * *

**

**Epigraph:**

'_What is it? She's not like the Pluto of before. She's stronger, bigger.'_

– _**Chibiusa**_**, Infinity Saga (Manga)**

**

* * *

  
**

"They are human," Michiru said of the 'men with no eyes', "from here, I mean. But they're possessed by something very dark and alien."

"I could feel it too. They're '_hostes_,' like the students at Infinity Academy," Haruka said. "And they were quite a bit stronger than normal, too."

"I think I know what's up with their eyes," Kuryakin said looking thoughtful. "Particularly strong fallen ones can sort of take over others that way. I know of a few instances in which they could feel things through the touch of their 'hostes' as you call them. I'm guessing that they are able to see things through them here. Which would mean it really is them. The ravagers, I mean. But how did humans ever make contact with them?"

"So then," said Haruka. "Take a look at these.

"Interesting," said Kuryakin, after a few minutes of looking at the papers they'd stolen.

"Yes," said Michiru, "and there were four other files like that one."

"All of the ships had gone missing?"

"Yes."

"I wonder what their destinations were?"

"Oh, here," Haruka said pulling some more folded up papers out of her jacket pocket. It was a complete manifest of ships, cargoes, and destinations for that company from the last fiscal year. She pointed to the names of the ships that were missing.

"Excellent," said Kuryakin. "You two are very good at this."

"Yeah," said Haruka, "although my Ferrari being bombed made it more interesting than I wanted."

"Very sorry about that, Tenoh-san," he said. "Maybe when this is over, I can put it back together for you. I've been restoring another car off and on for the last few years."

"Yeah, it'll take at least that long," Haruka said.

"Hmm," said Kuryakin, getting back to business, "according to this, the insurance claim on this one was paid in just two weeks. That's barely enough time for a cursory search, and certainly not enough for a full investigation. What was it the Vice-COO at Matsusaka said? They were throwing money at us? This sounds like the same kind of thing."

"That was the case with the others too," said Haruka. "And all insured by the same insurer."

"Yasuko Fire and Marine Insurance," said Kuryakin, looking at another paper. "Let's see where they are locat …"

"Their main office is in Chiba," Setsuna interrupted, "where they lease the bottom ten floors of the Sea Gate Tower. They are affiliated with Lloyd's of London, The American Marine Insurance Group, and several Asian marine insurance companies, as well."

"How'd you know all that?" said Haruka, looking a bit amazed.

"I interned there one summer, when I first came to this area," Setsuna said with a little smile.

Haruka, Hotaru and Michiru looked at each other.

"What is wrong?" asked Setsuna.

"I don't think they can quite picture you selling insurance, Miss Meioh," Kuryakin said. "Nor can I, although now that I think on it, I can imagine you being quite successful at it – with the right clientele."

"Setsuna," said Michiru, "even after nearly being blown to bits, the scariest thought that has occurred to me today is the idea of a Time Guardian selling life insurance."

"I can think of something scarier," said Haruka. "Hotaru selling life insurance."

The Kittens laughed when Hotaru struck a pose as if to say _'now there's a career choice I hadn't thought of.'_

"They do not sell life insurance," Setsuna said, looking very _not_ amused. "And I was merely a 'gopher,' as they say, but it paid well, and helped me finish nursing school."

"More knowledge by serendipity," Kuryakin said.

'_Just so,'_ Setsuna nodded, a plan already forming in her mind.

"Why am I not seeing anything?" Michiru wondered aloud. "If it if involves ships that are missing, then the seas must know of this."

"The seas. Yes," said Kuryakin, sinking deep into thought.

"Well," said Michiru, looking around, "I think we shall need a new couch."

"And a new Ferrari," said Haruka, glumly.

"And you'll need a new jacket, Haruka."

"Small price to pay for not needing a new Michiru," Haruka said quickly, lest her lover get the idea she was more upset about the car than anything else. Hotaru rather liked the way things were going with those two. She'd been watching for signs that her little attempt at creative destruction, at awakening more of the good things inside them, had worked. She decided that it had and wondered why it did not appear to take nearly as well with Setsuna-momma.

'_I wonder if it 'worked' on them because they are … young?' _

Setsuna got up to make some tea for everyone. It was getting dark out, so she got something out of the freezer and turned on the oven.

* * *

The Ravager lurked in the shadows as the one earth human on Tinuatu who knew he was here spoke quietly.

"It would appear they got away," the man said.

"And the others? The ones _he_ was with?"

"We don't know how much they found out. No one, except our vessel, even remembers them being there."

"How soon until we can begin the tests?"

"Another day of calibration, just be sure."

"If they try to discover anything more about us, I want to know the minute that happens. I want to see it for myself. We will try to catch one of them, if we can, and find out more about them. You're certain they cannot transform without speaking?"

"Certain? No. But that is our best understanding."

"Make sure every one of our vessels is on the look out for them. Let them know it is easier to deal with them if you do not let them speak. I am certain they will try to gain more information."

"And what about _him_?"

It was not likely they would be able to catch Kuryakin, if he used his powers. But he was always willing to try evasion first, and always held back until it was absolutely necessary.

"Try to kill him by your means. I doubt it will succeed, but you have leave to try."

"Yes, mighty one."

They would surely fail, and in the long run, the Ravager was now pretty sure it would be best to detach Kuryakin from the Senshi and take them on first, if possible.

"One other thing: once the device is fully operational, I will need to go away for a bit."

"Yes, mighty one."

* * *

"Okay," said Kuryakin, after downing a mouthful of Chicken Tetrazzini, "these two ships were headed for Valparaiso, but never made it. These two were headed for Singapore, but never made it. Also, I see a lot of other stuff from companies where the money trail leads headed roughly in the direction of South America."

"What does this show?" asked Setsuna.

"Not much. Maybe if we start trying to find more missing ships …

"Kuryakin-sensei, the problem is the ships that were headed west, correct?" asked Hotaru.

"Yes."

"Perhaps it's a diversion. Aren't the waters around Indonesia famous for modern day piracy?"

"Indeed, they are. There's been quite a crack down on that, but I've been thinking about that myself. There are some people whose computers I need to hack. And they won't like it, but here we go."

Kuryakin touched the granite looking slate and it began to sparkle.

"This will take a while."

Setsuna went over to the phone to keep her promise to Rei Hino. She told them they were making progress and that they would keep them up to date. Hino-san told her she had been napping all day, in preparation for an all night séance.

"If you call me in the morning, I promise to tell you what I see," said Rei, looking for a way to keep a foot in the door for the Inner Planet Senshi when the time for fighting came.

"I promise I will keep you up to date," Setsuna said with a knowing smile.

* * *

"Ah, look here," said Kuryakin suddenly. "Eight months ago, an American destroyer operating out of Pearl Harbor found one of the missing ships at 5 degrees 51' 15" north latitude, 139 degrees 20' 33" east longitude. The ship was underway, and making maximum speed. Oh good, here's the course," Kuryakin said, entering that into his computer which immediately generated a map. "Despite repeated attempts to hail, there was no answer. The commander was giving the order to bring it to a halt by whatever means necessary, when explosions racked the cargo ship, and it sank in less than three minutes. There were no survivors, but they pulled a few bodies from the water. The ship's doctor reported there was something odd about the men's eyes – 'like light bulbs that had burned out.'"

Kuryakin nodded. He had seen that sort of thing before.

"You might be right, Hotaru-kun," he concluded. "It does look like a diversion."

"Which means," asked Hotaru, "that someone's covering their tracks, and they been at it for a while?"

"Yup," Kuryakin as he changed the display's course tracks to mere arrows indicating general direction. Many, but not all, of the ships passed through the Central Pacific shipping lanes, and now they knew one missing ship, supposedly destined for a port in the opposite direction, had been seen headed for the same area. "That narrows it down a little, at least?"

"The insurer should surely have all of the information about searches for missing ships for which they were liable," said Setsuna. "It might confirm your thesis."

"I'm trying to get in now, but in case I can't get what we're looking for, I take it you have another plan, Miss Meioh?"

"Well, I would imagine things have changed somewhat since I worked there, but I think I remember the layout well enough. As I said, I was a gopher and so I learned where everything was quite quickly."

"Okay," Kuryakin replied, "let's see if I can find enough out with risking that, and then, push comes to shove, I'll take you there."

"That will be fine. However, it would be best if you waited outside. We need to arrive there around eleven thirty. Most of the employees will be at lunch."

"There is one thing I want to know, Miss Meioh."

"And that is, Mister Kuryakin?"

"If I'm to wait outside for you, I want to know exactly how you intend to get out if things go wrong."

Setsuna took a few minutes to explain the layout, as she remembered it, and what she would do in that event. Kuryakin seemed satisfied, and then, hoping to avoid the need, set his computer to work. Michiru, who was looking a bit pale after her rough afternoon, had a much healthier glow about her after having some of Setsuna's fine cooking. Haruka had pushed her wrecked Ferrari into one of the bays in their six car garage. Hotaru watched all this with a certain satisfaction. It certainly looked as if they were working together better than ever. As Kuryakin set the watch with his little black cylinder, everyone retired.

* * *

The next morning, the Senshi awoke to the smell of breakfast wafting through the house. Kuryakin needed only five or six hours of sleep per night, and his proximity to Setsuna had enabled him to begin catching up on the quality sleep he'd lost over the last four months. He had arisen at 4:00 a.m. that morning to check the results of his computer analysis, and to see if there was any way to refine the search. He frowned when he saw the results. The computer had found little of use, although that very fact was indicative of certain things as well. It appeared that some of the memory core of the main computers at the Yasuko Fire and Marine Insurance Company had been 'wiped' … for want of a better word. This suggested that they were onto his hacking activities, and that it was another hotbed of enemy activity. Satisfied that they could gain no more information that way, Kuryakin reconciled himself to the idea of Miss Meioh attempting to penetrate their security despite the danger. There were a few people who still worked there that she knew, and she was certain she would be able to parlay that into a good look at the filing room, where she had once spent many hours fetching files for people.

At that point, Kuryakin took a look around the kitchen and thought he'd try to help out by making breakfast for everyone. He cooked up some pancakes, eggs and sausage, brewed tea and coffee, and made fresh squeezed orange juice out of a bag of oranges he kept in his van for snacking purposes. Then he sat and pondered the people for whom breakfast waited. He was still very sad for what had happened to The Kittens yesterday, especially Miss Kaioh. Seeing the pretty, graceful, elegant Michiru wounded like that: it was like someone had poured a bucket of sewer water on a stained glass window. They were very strong in will and body, and tough minded; having Hotaru around to mitigate serious injuries certainly helped, but even without her, they would still do their duty. He could see Miss Meioh's internal struggle better than ever and pondered whether that was what Hotaru's seizures were about. Duty or no, tough minded or no, something told him this was going to be a gruesome day.

The winter solstice was tomorrow, he took note for no particular reason. Or perhaps there was a reason. Even after Miss Meioh had rejected him, he still planned to make a last ditch effort revolving around Christmas Eve. Such plans now seemed shot to pieces. They still had little solid evidence of where The Ravager was, or what he and his conspirators were up to. But at least he was near her, and though she was still uncomfortable, she seemed able to tolerate him for the moment. The little cylinder found him and had some messages from home. One in particular was very interesting. The fleet was being sent to investigate a suspicious area on the outer rim of Andromeda. There were other vague possibilities hinted at in these intelligence reports as well, and the upshot was that a great deal seemed to hang on Miss Meioh's plan today. He decided then and there that whatever happened, he was not going to let her get hurt, too. One sniff of trouble and he'd be there to fight alongside her.

The Senshi were coming downstairs. He left the kitchen / dining room to let them eat as they always did, with one another, free to banter and joke, as they nourished their bodies with food, and their souls with each other's company. He sat in the tea room thinking. He did overhear one thing of interest. Miss Kaioh said she was beginning to sense something and that she felt they had very little time left to stop it. Then Hotaru came in to ask why he didn't join them. He was an outsider, so he told her, and even though he was a guest, there was no place for him at that table. Hotaru had gotten good at reading between the lines of what adults said, and realized he was trying to accommodate Setsuna-momma, as usual. She smiled sadly at him as she left the room. She was as comfortable around him as Miss Meioh wasn't, bless her.

* * *

"Are you sure about going in alone?" Kuryakin asked, as Setsuna got out of the van. "I am almost certain this is one place they have well under their control."

"I shall be very careful, Mister Kuryakin. You need not worry."

"Remember you said that," was his parting comment as she headed into the building.

Setsuna smiled a bit as she headed toward the main door. The one thing Mister Kuryakin didn't seem to have figured out was that, as the oldest of the Senshi, she could do many things the others could not, and even where they could, she could do it far better. She would be using the concealment aura for all it was worth today.

The first thing Setsuna noticed was how much security the company had added since the last time she was here. The aura coming off of many of them was unmistakable. Kuryakin was right. In fact, he may have underestimated the situation. The more she got a feel for her old place of employment, the more she could sense this was a major nexus of their operations. If she were in law enforcement, it might be a very interesting exercise to get a warrant and take look at all their accounting for the last few years. A good deal of that missing money from the federal budget must've needed up here.

She found the person she was hoping to find: her old supervisor who was in charge of all the temporary help at the time. She was a regional manager now. They greeted each other amicably, and she struck up a conversation about days gone by with her. She explained that she had finished nursing school and was now in college, majoring in physics. Then she did a good job of pretending to be interested in what her old acquaintance was saying about her life since they'd last seen each other. The first explicit hint of trouble came when she noticed that her old supervisor was looking furtively around as they talked. She seemed to be looking at the security guards. They looked impassive and seemed to stare straight ahead, but they were wearing sunglasses.

She asked her friend if she could go and see the old filing room and was very pleased to find out that it was still the main records room for the company. Once there, she sent a wave of the concealment aura throughout the building, and whispered to her acquaintance "should you not be in the commissary having lunch just now?" Then she went through the door. Outside, her old supervisor stood there wondering why she had come down here, and then headed off to lunch.

Setsuna was amazed to find out how little had changed here, other than the beefed up security. She chalked it up to institutional inertia and was grateful as that would make it easy to find out what she needed to fairly quickly. She pocketed the relevant papers from each file concerning disbursements paid out for claims on missing ships, and thought this was going very well. In fact, as she checked the hallway to see if the coast was relatively clear, she wondered if it wasn't going too well.

* * *

As Kuryakin drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of his van, he was suddenly beset by two feelings he'd felt a lot in the last few days: that he was being watched, and that one of the Senshi was in trouble. He then caught site of several security guards in the distance, working carefully to encircle him.

'_We were expected,'_ he realized, and that meant that if Miss Meioh wasn't in trouble yet, she soon would be. He was in trouble too. The guards had their guns drawn, and appeared to be in a shoot-on-sight mode. The only avenue of escape was into the building. That was where Miss Meioh was, so he had no problem with that. He grabbed the little cylinder, imparted some instructions to it, and left it on the dashboard. Then he opened the door and took off like a shot. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of the guards pick up his walkie-talkie and speak into it as he ran toward the main entrance.

* * *

She was making her way carefully down a dark hallway when, for the second time in a month, Setsuna found herself thinking _'impossible'_ at the sudden sensing of a presence behind her. She had not even turned around when she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head, and saw the floor strangely rising to meet her. She gasped involuntarily when the air was forced from her lungs by someone driving a knee into her back, and then she felt something being slipped around her mouth and tied tightly in the back. She was on her stomach, but one of her legs was free and she had enough presence of mind to kick hard with her heel of her shoe. Her assailant was a short man, and as he grabbed one of her wrists to try and handcuff her, her shoe caught him hard in the back of the head. He groaned and slumped backward, falling off of her. She tried to rise and to get the gag off her mouth at the same time, but she was dizzy, her vision was blurred and the gag was on painfully tight. To do both at once was beyond her for the moment. She staggered away, pulling down a shelf full of office supplies behind her as she tried to get away. Then she went through a door, pulled it shut and locked it, and reeled to and fro down the empty hallway, trying to stay standing and wrench that damned thing off of her head.

"The woman is in there," said a thunderous voice that could not have come from any human mouth. "After her, and do not let her speak."

* * *

Kuryakin ran through the lower floor searching for Miss Meioh. As he did, he reached up, and in some cases jumped very high, to grab and disable every camera he saw. That gave him away for the moment, but he was moving quickly, and he was creating avenues of escape should they need to come back this way. At the same time, he was concentrating very hard trying to figure out exactly where she was.

So far, he could not sense her at all, but he could tell that something was blocking him. He quickened his pace.

* * *

Setsuna had worked the gag off, and now stood hidden in shadow, breathing heavily and looking for a way out. She had her transformation pen in her hand, and she was determined that if she couldn't sneak out, the next time the guards found her they would be confronting Sailor Pluto.

It seemed that's how it was going to go.

Three men smashed through the door she had blocked. At least, she thought it was three. Her vision was still blurry. They shined their flashlights into the room trying to spot her. They were almost too close. She was about to shout out her transformation command when a side door opened, and a deep voice barked, "don't do it!" as a large shape slammed into all three of them, knocking them around like bowling pins. It was almost certainly Kuryakin, but she couldn't tell for sure. Then she heard odd spraying sounds, like a chemical based fire extinguisher being discharged. Her vision cleared for a moment. She could see it was him and that he had a red cylinder by the pull handle in each hand and was wielding them like clubs, cutting down the guards, and then shooting fire retardant chemicals in the faces of the two who entered after that.

"Let's go!" he said.

"We can get outside down here," she said leading the way. "It is where the cigarette smokers would go for a break."

"I thought people here largely ignored anti-smoking laws."

"This is a fire insurance company, Mister Kuryakin. Back when I worked here, our anti-smoking policy was quite rigorous. We thought it wise to set a good example."

Suddenly, they could hear people coming from both directions. Kuryakin's eyes flashed a brilliant blue for a moment, as he looked quickly around. "Up there," he said calmly. About twelve feet up, there was indentation in the false wall. Kuryakin had quickly checked to see if it went all the way to the main wall, and if there was sufficient space to, at the very least, hide Miss Meioh. Otherwise, they were going to have to fight it out, which pretty much meant this would become a killing matter. From the sound of rushing water behind the wall, Kuryakin realized this wall was housing for some of the large pipes at the base of this building that could take the pressure necessary to deliver water to the highest floors. The indentation would be enough for them both and the noise would help hide them as well. Kuryakin crouched down and cupped his hands together, to heft her up there.

"Quietly now," he whispered, as she put her foot in. Setsuna leapt as he rose up, but two things prevented her from making it: it was slick with water from a leak somewhere up there, and she was overcome with dizziness from the sudden movement. One hand, then the other slipped off the edge, and she was sliding back down the wall, when she felt a hand firmly planted on her butt. She gasped, startled, as he shot putted her up, but then had the presence of mind to grab hold with both hands and pull herself into the space. Less than a second later, he joined her and the moment after that the hall rang loudly with the trapped sound of gunfire and ricochets. Then there was shouting.

"Watch where you're shooting, dammit!" bellowed one of the men coming from the opposite end.

"I'm sure I heard them," said the offending guard.

In much the same fashion he had caught Setsuna when she was tailing him, Kuryakin was watching, thanks in part to a shiny metal facing on the opposite wall. Six men were down there arguing, when another man joined them. He wore a dark blue suit and, like the guards, had on sunglasses. When he spoke, his voice was the same inhuman one Setsuna had heard earlier. It was a most unnatural sound, and Setsuna realized this was what the Vice-COO of Matsusaka Isotronics meant when he said, _'they don't have to threaten.'_ Kuryakin immediately realized who, or at least, _what_ this man was, and his eyes went dark blue. Setsuna did not see this, nor could he see that she was glowering at him from behind.

The man in the blue suit looked up and around. He was as sure as the trigger happy guard that they had passed this way, but he could not sense them here now. "Get moving," barked The Suit in that same horrible voice. "Find them. Kill the man, but take the woman alive." As the guards headed down the hall together, The Suit lagged behind, occasionally checking over his shoulder as he ambled down the hallway. He rounded the corner, but then, a moment later, reappeared one more time, and glanced down the hallway. Kuryakin did not move or make any sound for another minute, and Setsuna, still glowering at him and looking as if she wanted to say or do something, nevertheless followed his lead.

"Okay, let's go," he said. "Your escape route is completely clear, I think." He landed like a cat on the floor below, and she joined him there, though her landing wasn't quite as graceful.

"Are you all right, Miss Meioh?"

The answer to that question was decidedly 'NO!' Her head was throbbing badly, she was dizzy, her vision was blurred, her clothes were stained, and Kuryakin had just added considerable indignity to the equation. Part of her tried to argue that it was a completely innocent 'groping' – in the line of duty, as it were, but from that moment on, the situation became the sort where everything he did was equally wrong, but some were more wrong than others.

"I am fine," she said calmly, and Kuryakin was too focused on the danger to realize she was staring daggers at him.

Setsuna's memory of the place was near perfect and it had not changed much since she had worked here. The utility corridor that led them outside put them on the southeast corner of the parking lot. Setsuna was seeing better now that they were out in the sunlight. There were three guards around the van, to prevent them from reaching it and taking off. Kuryakin was ready for that, but they needed to get close first. The parking lot was elevated from a sloping hill on the east side, so they followed the retaining wall to stay hidden, and then Kuryakin sent a signal to the little cylinder sitting on the dashboard. One of the men just happened to be staring curiously at it anyway, but it wouldn't have mattered.

"Miss Meioh? Shield your eyes for a moment."

She did as he said – still looking very put-out at him- and he closed his eyes as well. On the dashboard of his van, the little cylinder began glowing.

"Hey, look at this," said one of the guards. The others came around and looked. As they were peering at it, they were hit with a flash that seemed brighter than a hundred suns, and surely had illuminated the entire parking lot. In fact, it had been very carefully calibrated, and specifically targeted the occipital area of anyone whose eyes were open, and only within a ten meter radius. The three guards staggered around, thoroughly blinded.

"Excuse me," said a voice, as someone shoved past them. They could hear the sound of car doors opening and then closing. They groped for their walkie-talkies, but someone had taken them. Likewise, their weapons. Then they heard the van start up, and drive away.

* * *

Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru were sitting at the table eating sandwiches when they heard the van drive up outside. Hotaru ran to the front door, just as Setsuna, who looked very upset came through it. She was holding the back of her head as she walked right past Hotaru into the kitchen and then began rummaging through the cabinets for a plastic bag.

"Went well, did it?" Haruka said casually.

"You two _will not_ start with me, right now," she barked, as she could sense Michiru was about to wise-off as well.

"What happened?" Haruka asked Kuryakin as he came into the kitchen / dining room. He explained as Setsuna filled a plastic bag with ice. Setsuna worked her eyes as though her vision was finally clearing up.

"Any better, Miss Meioh?" he asked, apologetically.

"I am not sure. Come here, please."

He did. She slapped him. Hard.

"Yes, Mister Kuryakin, I can see just fine," she said as she left the room.

"What was that for?" he asked following after her.

"For touching me inappropriately," she said. Haruka and Michiru's eyes lit up as they looked at each other and smiled. Both of them rose to follow as well.

"Miss Meioh," he responded, "I did not do that salaciously. You slipped. It was the first part of your body that presented itself. It was the quickest way to get you up there. It happened so fast I didn't even think to enjoy it. There wasn't time … Wait, that didn't come out right …"

"See, now that is why I slapped you. I was simply saving time. I knew you would mock me for it eventually."

"I would never mock you, and I didn't even remember doing that until you brought it up."

"You would have later, and you would have mocked me as you did moments ago. I am the time guardian; I know these things. Now get out of here. You have come here, and you have let a terrible enemy loose in our world, and caused nothing but trouble for me. I am sick of you, and I wish I had never heard your name."

Kuryakin sighed, and looked down for a moment. For the moment, there was nothing he could say or do that wouldn't be taken the wrong way. At moments like that, what else can one do but simply walk away? He went into the living room and sank into the couch.

"She is so completely gone for him," Michiru whispered to Haruka who nodded.

* * *

As Michiru and Haruka left, Hotaru sat there watching Setsuna. Meanwhile, The Kittens had followed Kuryakin. They stood there watching him for a few moments. He looked deflated. Then they sat down on either side of him.

"Soooo …" said Haruka after a moment's further silence.

"Yes, Tenoh-san?" he said quietly.

"… what part of her did you touch?"

He leaned forward on his elbows, put a hand to his forehead, and sighed. Then a bit of a smile crept into his expression, and as he got up to go out to his van, he said as quietly as possible, "Jealous, Tenoh-san?"

"I'm telling her you said that," Haruka quietly chuckled after he'd gone, but that was cut short by Michiru's expression. "What?"

"Well, are you?" Michiru asked.

"Am I _what_?"

* * *

"Setsuna-momma?" said Hotaru, after studying her for a few more minutes in silence.

"Yes, Hotaru?"

"If you keep pushing everyone away … eventually …"

"Yes?"

" … you'll succeed. It sounded to me like you were in real trouble, and he helped you. Why were you so mean just now?"

"Because I am injured and humiliated," Setsuna said looking a bit dejected now. "I have always had to be strong, and skillful and effective and unafraid: today I was none of those things. And it is not just today. I am not seeing things very well right now. I have not seen them well for the last four months. I can not even see the timeline very well right now, and that has happened only once before. I am confused as to why these things are happening, but I believe he is responsible, and the one thing I am sure of is that I wish I had never met that man."

Hotaru thought about this for a moment.

"Because … you really don't love him, do you?" she finally said.

Setsuna looked at her very strangely for nearly a minute. Hotaru's eyes were big and perplexed.

"No," Setsuna said, calmly and deliberately, as though she were finally admitting something to herself as well as Hotaru, "… because I do."

Hotaru sat there trying to puzzle this out. Then, shaking her head as an expression of awe came into her eyes, she understood. She finally realized the quality of the woman before her. She didn't dislike him at all. Quite the opposite. But in light of what she knew must happen, and who she was, it just didn't matter. She began to see just how loyal, how committed, how strong and how _old_ Setsuna was. Her consciousness extended from the dawn of the Silver Millennium all the way to founding and near destruction of Crystal Tokyo, and then back again to this time. The ramifications of that were odd. Did it mean that in some way, there was another Sailor Pluto standing that watch even now? Did she know of Setsuna Meioh here in this time? But she set these thoughts aside for the moment. Whatever the case, this was here and now.

What did it mean to stand an isolated watch for two and a half or three millennia? What kind of strength did it take? Did she have it from the beginning, or did she learn it as she went along? Or did that even matter? What kind of love did it take to come back again and again to your lonely post after fighting to keep powerful enemies away from the forbidden place? How near and desperate had some of those fights been? What did one think about all those years? What did it feel like to die, so badly, at the end of all those lonely days? Was there ever any real solace? Did she ever once cry or show any weakness in the midst of her loneliness? Kuryakin had once quipped that courage means the heart passes a breaking point, and does not break. What kind of courage did this woman have? How many times did her heart pass that breaking point, and remain unbroken? Kuryakin also told her courage was not a virtue, but _every_ virtue at the point of ultimate testing. Surely, every virtue she possessed had been supremely tested in all that time. How had she done it, this incredible woman? Who was she, really?

The answers to all these questions sat there in chair before her.

For the first time, Hotaru really began to see how much trouble the innocent attempt at matchmaking had caused her. As Michiru had said, Hotaru did not understand just what she was asking of Setsuna: perhaps that was for the best, because she was certain as ever that she _had_ to ask it or something terrible was going to happen. And for the first time, she saw what Kuryakin must have seen from the moment she drove him away. He had instinctively understood the difficulty Setsuna was having, and, as much as he desired her, he knew he must back away for now. He was such a gentleman. It was time for Hotaru to be a Lady. She may have put them together. She may have wanted this to happen. But she had to let the idea die, in the hope that it might be truly born.

It was all up to him now. What kind of man would it take? Was Peter Kuryakin equal to this incredible woman? The 'yes' that leapt within her seemed hasty, and yet she could not dispel it. But how? How could the mere seventy years of his life's struggle –trying though it must have been, measure up to hers? To all the other Senshi, even Haruka and Michiru, Setsuna really was a sort of _ad hoc_ if occasionally distant mother. Compared to them all, she –in consciousness at least- was older and wiser by far, even more than the young man who was to become the king she adored in the 30th century. Kuryakin was not a child to her, though even at 92 earth years of age, he ought to have been. He was a suitor, a lover, an equal, who had gotten deep into her heart. How did he do that? How could he have matched her? Reason failed her in answering that one, and yet, Setsuna had just admitted, calmly and coolly, that she was, indeed, in love with him. And that had been the problem all along.

"I didn't realize, Setsuna-momma," she said meekly. "I didn't realize what I was asking of you. I'm sorry."

"No, no, Hotaru," she said consolingly, "Hotaru, you were … right. I … do love him, but it … _he_ … makes me so furious, and I do not know why. And just now, I do not care."

She adjusted the ice bag she was holding to the back of her head.

"Yes, you must be very upset," Hotaru said with a wan smile. "Or you wouldn't have forgotten that I can take care of this sort of thing."

And so she had. Hotaru slipped a hand into the hair behind her head and she wondered why she had forgotten such a simple thing. As the healing warmth spread throughout her, she wondered if she had actually been reveling in the pain as something she could blame it on _him_.

"Thank you, Hotaru."

"I love you, Setsuna-momma," she said as she left the room. She walked to the front door and went out to see Kuryakin. She didn't know what to do anymore. If it was causing this much pain for Setsuna, how much trouble was it causing for Kuryakin? What untold price was he paying? Or had he already paid it? He had, more or less, promised her that he would not give up with out talking with her first. In spite of the dark pricklings in the back of her mind at the thought of him giving up, she realized she would have to release him from his promise.


	32. Chapter 09 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

**Chapter 009 – **_**Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**_

**(Part 3)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

"The moment we disable the human pawns

enough to make them useless …,

_their_ own Masters finish the work for us.

_They break their tools."_

**_Elwin Ransom - That Hideous Strength_**

**_ – C.S. Lewis_**

* * *

_**Naru-chan: **__Usagi, has something happened? _

_You've been acting strange lately. Does_

_ it have something to do with that eerie_

_ phenomenon? I knew it. You know what _

_that thing is, don't you? If there's anything _

_I can do to help, just let me know, okay? _

_**Usagi:**__ Naru-chan, I … Ha ha, come now, _

_how would I know anything about that?_

_**Naru-chan:**__ Of course. After all, everyone has_

_things they can't talk about. I won't ask any more_

_ questions. Let's see each other at school tomorrow?_

_**Usagi: **__Thank you, Naru-chan. See you tomorrow._

**_Sailor Moon R – Episode 87_**

**_

* * *

  
_**

**Sailor Uranus:** I didn't know your way of fighting.

It's different from mine.

**Sailor Mercury:** It's the same! In that we both

want to protect the princess.

**Sailor Stars Anime Ep. 170: **

**Fateful Night! The Testing of the Sailor Senshi.**

* * *

The Ravagers were not patient by nature. Patience takes a certain amount of faith, and that was something they despised almost as much as hope and charity. Nonetheless, the prospects of this plan coming to fruition and the rewards that would follow its successful completion had forced patience upon him. It rankled, but there it was. The distances and the deception involved also required that a certain latitude be given to their vessels here. Normally, the kinds of failures they had chalked up over the last few days would have meant punishment, instant, nasty and conclusive. But preparations were nearly complete, and so he sat watching patiently as the final calibrations were made to the machine. He was very interested in the results. The technicians had dialed it in very well, as the first test runs had shown. These earth humans were very good when they tried. They had a lot of potential. Indeed, their whole history showed how great that potential was. Though not for lack of trying on the part of his kind, nowhere in Andromeda was there a place as chaotic, in the way it was chaotic, as this … Earth.

Though he was himself 'of this place,' those first humans that arrived at Oyarandra, from whom he came, had forgotten or had simply not known much of human history. But there were those among his kind – the Great Rebels branded the 'fallen ones of this seventh generation' by the Oyarandrans - who had some inkling of it. Even in the short time he'd been here, he had seen enough to suggest that they not only understood the humans' weaknesses, but those weaknesses were immediately exploitable. The very fact they, with a minimum of contact, had found so many willing, through deception or naked choice, to assist with The Plan, was proof enough of that. The great chain of rising and falling kingdoms and the evils by which those kingdoms were formed would provide food, most excellent in quality and quantity, for his kind. In his horrible – to us- imaginings, he could see a future in which the humans, under careful guidance, could become the scourge of existence itself. They could achieve the heights of power in every manifestation, while never seeing the deep, dark secret of their evil, and take it into the stars. Perhaps in a distant future, there would be something never achieved by any of the "fallen ones of Oyarandra" throughout time: a human future in which they would be at once so far flung and powerful, and yet so ignorant of their own complete corruption, they could spread that corruption throughout this galaxy, and – oh, sweet dream!- threaten Andromeda and Oyarandra itself. But these musing would have to await the completion of the plan. There would be the matter of completing the takeover, as well. How that would be done had already been decided.

Everything hinged on the next few days.

As they ran another test, he thought about how much his enemies had figured out. His vessels here had reacted to the Senshi spies at the Toshimaru shipping company according to the policy by which they dealt with any interlopers. As of yesterday, he had told them to be as rough as necessary with these Senshi, but to take them, not kill them. Preventing them from speaking their transformation commands was part of that, but he wouldn't have minded seeing them in their transformed state, and taking the measure of their powers. He'd gotten a very good look at one of them earlier through the eyes of the one vessel he'd helped conceal until she walked right into him. She was a lovely thing –they all were- and somehow that just made him long for the completion of the plan even more: to forcibly join with her, with them, with all of them; to feast on their outraged, captive, violated individuality, ah, what a heady draught. He thought she might have been about to transform, but that man had intervened. He wondered how much The Hated One had told them about fighting his kind. It shouldn't matter much though. It is one thing to be told they could become nature itself; another to really experience it.

Still, there too many variables, too much uncertainty. Knowledge was of course a hateful thing, yet _so_ necessary for victory. When the time came, it would be important to take them quickly and before they could transform. Once in hand, he could test them one by one and find the limits of their abilities. And of course, he must separate them from _him_. That would be easy. Many times his kind had laid traps for that man. They had never been able to defeat him, but they knew that if they showed themselves plainly, he had no choice but to come. A simple diversion would do nicely: just a little, unmistakable manifestation to separate him from them. When he devoured the vessels here, he would have enough strength to set that up somewhere far away.

The results of the last test came in. The machine was in perfect working order.

It was time. There was so much hidden rancor, spite and envy to work with here. These earth humans were such a mess. It would be necessary to make sure the revels did not damage anything important. The Ravager gave orders that the main complex was to be evacuated. Then it began fading, insinuating itself into the very island, the very nature that supported it, itself. The technicians left the main room, and to their surprise, the doors closed of their own volition. It was just as well, they thought. No one really wanted to be in that room when he took over the machine anyway. They continued on about their business, when sounds of a fight breaking out among the laborers began to fill to air.

* * *

"Kuryakin-sensei," said Hotaru, as he looked up at her and smiled. "May I ask you a question?"

"You just did. Would you like to ask another?"

"Yes," she smiled.

Kuryakin was sitting in the passenger side of his van. He got out and opened the side door so she could get in and sit with him in the middle seats.

"What do you want to know?"

"Did you … almost become one of them?"

"Hotaru-chan, the fact is, in a small way, for a while I _was_ one of them. I just didn't have to power to do the damage they can do. And even then, I helped cause much suffering."

"I don't believe that," she said. "I don't believe you wanted to cause suffering."

"That's true enough. I truly didn't, but that doesn't matter to the ones I …"

"And so you've been undoing it ever since, haven't you? Is that what all the tutoring stuff is about?"

"I suppose that's one way to look at it. But really, it's just that after all the battles, I'm sick of destroying. I wanted to create instead," he said, and Hotaru looked at him with a smile. He had understood her so well because in that regard they were exactly alike. "So, in between assignments, I began mastering languages, the arts and sciences, anything I could learn. And then one day, I was working on a sculpture. It took a long time, but when I finished, I thought it was pretty good. I was pleased with my work, and then a voice whispered in my ear 'why do you pour your energies into dead things, when so many living have lost hope?' I think it was Oyarsi-Perelandra who said that to me. Suddenly, everything felt so empty to me. And the rest is history."

"This enemy, aren't they without hope?" she asked, puzzled.

"In a way, yes, but that is because they despise hope. Hope is an illusion to them," he said. She frowned. "Look, in the beginning I thought exactly what you're thinking right now. Surely, they aren't irredeemable. By hard experience, I found out, yes, they are. I do understand how they became that way. I do not know why I was spared that. It's a horrifying thought because it makes one realize that one is not self-sufficient, and there is nothing but ineluctable grace between them and oblivion. It's terrifying to think that one's sole purpose in life was to serve only as a warning to others. Yet, for all I know, I may yet fall."

"Kuryakin-sensei, I just wanted to tell you, I release you from …"

"I will not give up," he said, as though he'd read her mind. "Hotaru-chan, I wouldn't have made that promise unless I was as least a little bit amenable to it. Well, okay, maybe for you I would, but … you weren't asking me to promise something I was unwilling to promise. Everything that has happened, the good, the bad, the deliberate and the capricious, things I don't have the time to tell you about right now: all of them have driven me to her. And you. If I'd never met her, I think I could have gone on as I was. But not now. I've seen through that and I can't go back to it. I can only go forward. And that means loving her, no matter what. I know I'm acting a bit pathetic right now. I ought to stick up for myself better, eh? Don't mistake patience for weakness."

"I haven't," she said. "I know how patient you are. I've seen it with me, and with all those other people in that journal. I just think that I have to let go of … the idea of you and her together, even though I am all but sure you have some part to play in her life."

"Okay, you've done that. But don't worry. I'm not giving up. I should be concentrating harder to find the enemy, but my head is so full of her… and I know now. From here on out, loving her, no matter what, is the thing that will keep me from … being lost. Anything that can still love is not yet a devil. I've been looking for her, and you, ever since _that day_. When I look at her, I honestly believe that if she cut me into a thousand pieces, every piece would still say to her 'I love you.'"

"But what if she never …"

"Then that's what happens," he said firmly. "She will do … whatever she does. I will do what I must. She's carried a torch, as they say, for someone for a long time. I carried one for seven decades, for someone long dead. I think I love Miss Meioh enough to carry one for her. And I'm glad that's settled, because I really do need to concentrate now."

* * *

"Setsuna," said Haruka, poking her head into the tea room, "you have a phone call."

"Thank you," she said. "I shall take it in here."

She picked up the phone, expecting to hear Rei Hino's voice.

"Meioh Setsuna desu," she said very properly.

"Setsuna-chan? This is Miyuki."

"Oh, hello," she said, perking up a bit. The timing was a bit inconvenient but talking with Miyuki was always a 'clarifying experience.' "You are well, I hope?"

"Yes, and you?" Miyuki asked. "I've noticed you haven't been in classes the last two days."

"Ah, yes," Setsuna said. "Well, something has come up. I can not discuss it, I regret to say."

"I see. Heh, things … often 'come up' with you. Or so I've noticed."

"Now and then, yes, as with anyone else," Setsuna said evasively.

"Well, I wanted to remind you that you're invited to my New Year's Eve party. It'll start at 7:30, and go till … who knows when. And I will be happy to give you that psychoanalysis."

Setsuna bowed her head and smiled a little at that. "Thank you, Miyuki-chan. But I am afraid I will, most likely, be busy through then. I will try to make it. If I can, I will not forget your fee. You shall have to settle for Hennessy Grande, though."

"Oh my. That will be excellent. Well then, I hope you can make it. I just wanted to let you know that you are very welcome."

"Thank you, Miyuki-chan."

Setsuna could sense that there was something else she wanted to ask. Finally, she did.

"Setsuna-chan?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know where Peter Kuryakin is?" When Setsuna did not answer, she continued, "I saw in the news that his studio had caught on fire. I tried to call him. Many people have actually. But no one has been able to reach him."

"Yes," Setsuna finally answered. "I know where he is."

"Is he all right?"

"Yes, he is fine."

"Well, if you see him again, tell him that a lot of people are very concerned for him."

Her eyes inexplicably misting at that, Setsuna said, "I will see him again. Very soon."

"He's with you, isn't he?" Miyuki blurted out.

Setsuna paused again, summoning rigid control of herself, before saying, "yes. Yes, he is." She next expected to hear arch-jests about them becoming an item and so forth, but Miyuki surprised her.

"I don't know why, but I had a feeling that's where he was. Setsuna-chan?" Miyuki said, her voice starting to fill with concern and hesitancy. "Is … something bad … about to happen?"

Setsuna didn't know quite what to say.

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, the way you've been acting lately - not just about Kuryakin-san but in general - you seemed very, very troubled. I've noticed this before about you. You seem very troubled and then you disappear for a while, and something bad happens. At least, it felt like something bad _had_ happened, but then you come back and … everything felt okay again. I just wanted to ask, will you … be back? Soon?"

Setsuna should have been worried about just how prescient Miyuki was, but instead she found herself touched beyond belief by this.

"Yes, I should be back soon."

"Setsuna-chan," she said as though she were struggling to find words, "you are … an amazing person. I admire you very much, and I … I … have great faith in you. Whatever is wrong, I know you'll come through. And everything will be fine."

"Yes," she said, affirming this in her own heart. "Everything will be fine. Thank you, for asking after me, Miyuki-chan. Thank you very much."

"I hope to see you at the party, dear Setsuna. Good bye."

Setsuna sat the phone down and smiled. It was thoughtful of Miyuki to call. She'd only been gone from school for two days. Miyuki may not have intended it, but Setsuna needed a boost just now, and it had come from someone she had not thought of at all in the last week. Hearing her voice reminded her of how she was starting to look forward to that New Year's Eve party. No doubt Miyuki had invited quite a few eligible bachelors just for her sake, hoping -against hope- she might hit it off with one of them. She was also looking forward to Miyuki's wedding in May, and so, she decided, it was time to clear her head, and get down to the business of making sure the world was as it was meant to be when the time came for that happy occasion. Setsuna picked up the phone again. She had called Hino Rei before she and Kuryakin had set out on their mission, but the strange sounding man who answered said that she was still in the midst of a 'seeing'. It was time to find out what she'd seen. And, so she decided on her own, she was going to tell the Inner Senshi a little bit of what was going on.

* * *

Later at dinner, she told Hotaru, Haruka and Michiru that Hino Rei had seen the vision again clearer than ever, and that she was sure the catastrophe it portended was imminent. She then told her how much of the situation she had related to the Inners. This was a practical decision as well as anything. For some odd reason, everything that seemed to threaten the end of the world always happened in or near Tokyo. That would obviously not be the case this time, and thus the Senshi Teleportation power, which required the Silver Crystal to work, would be needed. That meant involving the Inner Planet Senshi. The others nodded their approval of Setsuna's decision. They discussed the matter further and then Michiru noticed that Kuryakin had not joined them. That was understandable, given that Setsuna had told him get out in no uncertain terms, and she had not given him leave to return.

They sent Hotaru to get him, but he said he was close to figuring something out and didn't want to be disturbed. Hotaru did not tell the others that because she sensed he was simply unsure whether he was welcome back in the house or not. Setsuna gave her a plate of dinner to take to him, and Hotaru found out she was right. They chatted as he ate. She stayed with him until he was done and then brought the dishes back in.

Haruka had checked the TV news as they were about to retire. There wasn't anything unusual going on, although she had caught a bit about a strike among the oil workers unions in Brazil that was in its second day. Apparently, it was devolving into a general strike. She flipped the channel, and saw similar human woes and struggles taking place elsewhere, but nothing that could be called unusual. Hotaru told them Kuryakin would set the watch again and the Senshi went upstairs.

* * *

"Hotaru?"

"Yes, Setsuna-momma."

"Do you think his feelings are hurt badly?"

"I'm … sure they are. But he seems willing to take whatever you dish out, if only he can be near you."

"Yes, he is remarkably patient, is he not?" she asked rhetorically. Just now, she was admitting to herself that earlier today, when she was running almost blind and could not get that thing off her mouth, she had been genuinely frightened. It reminded her of another time – one of very few - she was genuinely frightened. She did manage to get it off, and she could have transformed and gotten out of the situation on her own, and yet she felt very strongly as though she had been … _rescued_ somehow.

"I should probably go and apologize to him."

"I wouldn't do that now," said Hotaru as she got into her pajamas. "He's probably asleep. He told me he sleeps better when he gets to see you now and then."

"And I sleep worse," she said, as she brushed her hair.

"Setsuna-momma, I had no idea love was such a painful thing."

"It is not, necessarily, but where we are concerned …"

"It will always be a troubled story with us," she said, as if quoting someone.

"Who told you that?"

"Michiru-momma."

"I am sorry that I cannot return his feelings. But I must not, Hotaru. I can never, ever …"

"Then you won't," Hotaru said rather tersely, "but it's your own feelings, as much as his, that you aren't returning." She loved this woman more than ever, but in the matter of awakening something new in her, Setsuna had won out against her. _'Just how strong are you, Kuryakin-sensei? For she is a rock.'_ Then, as if in apology, she jumped into Setsuna's lap and said plaintively, "tell me a story, Setsuna-momma. A story you've never told me. A good story. A true story, one that only you know …"

"Very well, Hotaru," she said, thinking for a moment. Setsuna knew many stories, and she thought she should try and think of one that was … relevant to the current circumstances.

"Ah yes, that one. His name was Cosmo, and he was a student at the University of Praha …"

* * *

The story was about a man who was very skillful in all forms of swordsmanship. He was of noble birth, but contented himself to affect poverty, for as yet, no great passions had seized him. One day, in a shop, an antique mirror caught his eye. Though very old, its glass shone as though new, and its frame -the part corresponding as it should to the whole, was glorious in both conception and execution. After leaving the shop, the thought of the mirror burned in his mind and finally he went back and purchased it. That night he was stunned to see a beautiful woman appear in it. And it seemed that whatever room the mirror sat in, its reflection thereof became a room that she could enter. At first, she did not like her surroundings, for the man kept many things in his flat that were, to say the least, odd, where they were not rather poor and shabby. Realizing this, he set to work earning money by giving lessons to anyone who had the means to pay him well. He quickly amassed a good sum. He moved the oddities among his possessions to another room, and began to improve the furnishings of his apartment, thereby improving the room in the mirror.

After seeing the woman enter the mirror and leave many times, each time looking more pleased with how he had bettered her surroundings, he fell in love with her, and though she could not see him, she would always leave the mirror with a sad little smile. He longed to make himself known to her. Finally, using magic, he attempted to conjure her from the mirror, and succeeded, or so he thought. When she appeared before him, she told him it was the strength of his longing for her that called to her. Then she told him her tale. She explained that she was trapped in the mirror by a curse, and that to be freed from it, he would have to break the mirror. He wanted to free her, but then she told him that, once that was done, she would become herself again and the circumstances might be such that they would never meet again. "Cosmo," she said, "if you love me, set me free, even from yourself. Break the mirror." But he hesitated, for he desired her very much, and did not wish to risk being parted from her. The woman wailed and said "Ah! He loves me not; he loves me not even as I love him; and alas! I care more for his love than even for the freedom I ask," for now that she had seen him, she too was in love. Then, he realized his error, and tried to smash the mirror. But before he could do it, a great storm blew into the room, and mirror disappeared. His selfish indecision had cost him the one chance to free the woman he claimed to love. He fell ill for three weeks.

After he recovered, he sought out the mirror, and in time discovered that it was now the possession of a very wealthy man of great influence, and someone to whom he had given fencing lessons. The man was someone of reckless habits and fierce passions, and to Cosmo the very thought that the woman he loved was now in the power of another, especially a rotter like him, was hell itself. One night, he saw that the man was giving a party. Being a man of noble descent and bearing himself, he put on his best clothes, and was able to trick his way in. From there, he sought to find the mirror with every intention of breaking it.

Miles away, a princess who had been ill for 18 months, lay on her bed in a trance. The strange illness had fallen upon after she had offended a woman who held a position of trust in the family, and the woman left, making incoherent threats. And the princess was unable or unwilling to say what exactly happened to her during these 'spells.' Suddenly, she came to life, shouting "Cosmo! I am free! I am free! I thank you!" She went to find him and there on the St. Charles Bridge over the Vltava River, she saw him. "Are you free, my lady?" he asked. "The mirror is broken. Are you free?" And indeed she was. She was coming to swear her love for him, but then she saw that, sadly, in freeing her, he had been mortally wounded by his former student. He died there in her arms.

* * *

"But in the end, Hotaru," Setsuna said, "he had loved her truly. And she was free."

"That was a good story," she said, smiling. "Sad, … but good."

"More than a good story, it is a story about goodness," Setsuna said sagely. "And it actually did happen."

It _was_ a good story, and the tragedy of it only made it all the more touching. Hotaru listened as best she could, while pursuing her own thoughts as well. If all of her matchmaking between Setsuna-momma and Peter Kuryakin had anything to do with her cataleptic episodes … well, she hoped Kuryakin-sensei had plenty of fuel for that torch. In keeping with the story she had just heard, she felt letting go of that hope, and leaving it in Kuryakin-sensei's hands was the right decision. As well, she wondered if his love for her was as true as that of the man's at the end of the story.

'_I hope so,'_ she thought, because his determination seemed the only hope left there.

And yet …

Hotaru dozed off, and they both lay there, but then, half an hour later, Setsuna got out of bed, and left the room for about thirty minutes.

* * *

Kuryakin had remained in the van throughout the late afternoon and evening analyzing the papers Miss Meioh had stolen. One report mentioned the US Navy destroyer that had found one of the ships. The investigation admitted, in so many words, that the crew had scuttled the cargo ship "with greatest possible intent." Yet the insurance claim was paid. Hush money, clearly. The cursory investigations were just so much going through the motions. Where the investigators were able to find anything at all to do with them, they were indeed headed into the Central Pacific Shipping Lanes. Something was happening there.

Perhaps somewhere in the Hawaiian Islands? And then they were getting rid of the evidence by sinking the ships? But why? Why not just arrange the shipment, take delivery and let them go on their merry way? And then it hit him. Ships have many useful things on them. Power plants, piping, and such. Maybe those ships are being used for something else. That would mean someone was building something. Something big. But where? The Hawaiian Islands were too populated. Somebody would notice. By the time he'd hacked the American NSA again, darkness had fallen, and Hotaru had brought him dinner. After he ate and she left, he checked their satellite imagery of every uninhabited Island in the Central Pacific. They showed nothing unusual. But perhaps they had been compromised as well? Or maybe whatever they were building was underwater? The thesis was still long on suspicions and short on epistemic support. Still, Miss Meioh had done well, and her evidence pushed the Central Pacific as _'a happenin' place'_ past the 50/50 probability threshold.

When the lights finally went out in the house, he wondered if he was still welcome to sleep in the guest room. It was getting cold out, but he wasn't sure, so he would wait until everyone was settled in and then quietly sneak into the house. He gave instructions to the little cylinder and it took off, to wait and watch and patrol in the shadows. Anything coming, even the Ravager, would be seen from far away. He thought he'd waited long enough, but as he went in and headed up to the guest room, Miss Meioh was waiting for him at the top of the stairs. He stopped, unsure, and stood there silently as she regarded him.

"Mister Kuryakin," she said after half a minute of studying him, "why did you tell me not to transform today?"

"Huh? Oh," he said, and then thought for a moment. "Well, let me explain it this way. As I mentioned, my early fights were pathetic, but eventually, I learned a lot of things, and one of them is just how important it is to keep the burden of uncertainty on the enemy, whenever possible and as much as possible. It took me a long time to learn that. Right now, that burden is on us, as much as it is on him, and so we ought to risk keeping him in the dark as to your powers, if at all possible. If I had been even one minute later getting to you, yes, you _should_ have and _would_ have transformed, but since I did get there fast enough, it was better to try and evade. Truth is I'm really good at this - I mean fighting them - because I am patient, and elusive, and that eventually ticks them off and makes them show their hand. That's why we've had to take some risks, probing aggressively, to find out what's happening. If you had transformed, he might have been able to take the measure of Sailor Pluto. For now, he's unsure. He doesn't know how strong you are. And I think, if it comes to that, you will surprise him. All of you will."

"The burden of uncertainty. That is something I too have learned over the years," she said, though she wondered why she had forgotten that under duress today. "It took me centuries. You have a very quick learning curve, Mister Kuryakin."

"Out of necessity maybe. I've just been in more fights. Or at least a similar number … but perhaps in a shorter time. And by the way, thanks to your efforts today, I now have a pretty good idea where their plan is going to come to fruition."

"Where?"

"Somewhere in the Central Pacific."

"And what is their plan?"

"I don't know, yet. But as to how all this has come about, my best guess is somehow, impossible as it seems, humans made real time contact with the Ravagers about two or three years ago. And somehow, they are being possessed by them, again, in real time. Of course, it's much simpler now that one of them is here."

"Yes, two, maybe three years ago. I have been thinking that myself. Which, I suppose, means you are off the hook."

"Off the hook?"

"Yes. As I thought about the parts of those papers I had read, I realized that whatever they are doing, it has been in the works for at least two years."

"Well, it's still my fault."

"Could they have made contact through those micro corridors your people keep open to stay in touch with you?"

"No, they couldn't. We would have known that instantly and shut it down."

"As I suspected. This plan has taken time, and considerable contact and discussion."

"That would seem to be the case," he said, "but it's still my fault that one of them made it through the system. I get the feeling their plan got a real boost from that."

"All the same, it would appear that your being here is actually fortuitous and …" she sighed and put her hand to her head as though it was aching again. "Mister Kuryakin, I am trying to say I am sorry for slapping you. What is it about you that makes things so hard for me?"

He smiled a little. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Miss Meioh," he said gently. "I am … truly sorry you got hurt. And embarrassed. I never wanted any of you to get hurt. You least of all."

"No one ever wants anyone to get hurt. Yet they do," she said.

"There are some who want many to be hurt," he said grimly.

"Then we'd best find them and strike down their ambition," she said, as she turned to go. "Sleep well, Mister Kuryakin. We are all feeling that tomorrow will be a crucial day."

"Tomorrow then," he said.

"Oh," she said, looking over her shoulder, "I put fresh linens on the bed."

"Oh? Thank you."

"And I laundered your dirty clothes."

"When did you find the time for all this?"

"While you were out in your van, thinking."

"Well, that really wasn't necessary, but, again, thanks. Very much."

She took a few more steps but then stopped, and just stood there with her back to him.

"And …" she finally said.

"Yes?"

"Nothing," she said after a moment and went back to her room.

* * *

'Tomorrow' came sooner than anyone wanted. The Ravager needed a conflict to exploit and the general strike in Brazil that Haruka took note of before retiring was ready made. Very ready made. After sniffing out the best place to attack, he found that the passions and frustrations of the strikers had reached a near boiling point in Rio de Janeiro. Perfect. A major city of six million plus, this playground for the rich and famous was filled with culture, diversions of every sort and a legendary night life. It was the Christmas season, and many from abroad had come to spend it there. It was also a place of great poverty and all those other natural conditions of man, rife with corruption, narco-terrorism, robber barons, a cornucopia of human ills. 'The Devil' has only the power we give him, but there was plenty of it to be had here, unguarded energies, wasted energies, fears, sorrows, injustices, all needing rectification. The Ravager's descent brought all nine circles of hell in rapid succession up out of the earth. The violence seething beneath the surface now bubbled to the top. The notoriously violent police of the city responded in kind. The cycle was begun. It was just too easy.

* * *

At about 4:30 in the morning, Tokyo time, the little black cylinder found its way into the room where Kuryakin was sleeping to report two things: that the house was now being watched – though the two men who tried to get too close got, literally, the shock of their lives, and that something like a shooting war had broken out in Rio de Janeiro, where a general strike had become most vociferous and most easily pushed over the edge of open and increasing violence. From there it had degenerated into anarchy such as could only come when one of them was at work.

Kuryakin was already awake, and now he went downstairs to the TV room and turned it on. The major news organizations were all covering this. Or they were trying to, but their own people were caught up in it. There were a few live feeds from dropped, stationary cameras showing snippets of the horror at odd angles. No coherent picture had emerged, though the authorities in the capital city Brasilia had admitted that when they sent the military in to restore order it only made the situation even more deadly and anarchic.

Hotaru heard the TV and had come down the stairs.

"Where is that?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Rio de Janeiro."

"I caught of bit of this last night," said Haruka, who joined them. "Things seem to have gotten worse."

"Yes," said Kuryakin. "With a bit of help."

"You're sure?"

"Completely."

"Good God," said Michiru, as she watched the screen. "They're as bad as you've said."

"I have to go," Kuryakin said in a strange voice and headed for the door.

"He's drawing you out, isn't he?" said Haruka, as Setsuna came downstairs.

"Most likely."

"Then this is some kind of trap," said Hotaru.

Kuryakin nodded, then said, "But for who? They know I have to attack the moment their location is known. They have tried to trap me many times, and that has always been a mistake, especially once I'd gotten experienced. He's forcing me to come halfway across the world. I fear that means he is trying to separate us. By the way, the house is being watched. It's entirely possible he's going to run the moment he knows I've left. Or perhaps when I get there and try to lock in. If he should show up while I am attempting to get to Rio de Janeiro …"

Then he hesitated.

"I've wondered how much I should tell you about fighting them. But your ways of fighting are not exactly the same as mine, and I think I shall have to trust your instincts just as you shall have to trust them. If push comes to shove, try to remember the things I've said about them; guard your minds, and trust your good hearts."

He went out into the circle drive and knelt down, but then as if leaving them so little to go on was too much to bear, he said, "Hotaru-kun, come here."

She came over to him. "I'm giving this to you," he said, as he handed her the little black cylinder. "Whatever you do, don't let go of that. If you get into trouble, just hold it in your hand, and think my name. I'll get the message."

"If you can wait, we can join you there," said Haruka.

"Really?"

"We can teleport to there," said Setsuna.

"Then let's go, quickly. People are dying."

"No, we need … some help … to do it."

"Ah, those others? Then perhaps it is time to bring them in? But I cannot wait," he said, his voice filling with an impatience that wasn't 'exactly him' and his eyes glowing like twin coals with a brilliant red-orange hue. "Join me if you can. It would be best for us to not separate."

"How does this work?" said Setsuna, insatiably curious about this sort of thing.

"It's not 'teleportation,' exactly," he said as he knelt down in the center of the circle drive. "You might say I bring myself to a standstill, and let the relevant part of the earth come to me. I do have to move somewhat, though, for the earth is always moving, and very quickly at that. It's tricky and it wears me out, but … I have no choice."

"We'll join you as soon as possible," said Michiru.

They watched as his body began to glow. A sphere of light surrounded him and he rose into the air. His kneeling form was pitched at an odd angle, as if he was now kneeling in a place that had a horizon different from the terrestrial one. Then, in different colored flashes of light –some of the colors were as unnamable as they were yet somehow unmistakable, the air itself seemed to enfold him and he was gone.

"Let's get going," said Haruka. Everyone went back into the house, and dressed quickly.

* * *

The island of Tinuatu was now a tomb, bereft of any human life. 'The vessels' were all dead, in the same way that the people of Edgeton died, and the people of Rio de Janeiro were dying. The Ravager was now a quarter of the world away, drawing out the Hated One. But there was still something there. The device their human acolytes had built now came to life. A target's coordinates were fed into the system. Something within the transmission module array and its support structure glowed green, and flashed. The passengers of several jet liners crossing the area saw its beam arcing into the sky toward the northwest.

* * *

Setsuna had called Hikawa Shrine and told a groggy Rei Hino that things were happening, and that the Outer Planet Senshi would meet them in 30 minutes. Thirty minutes later, the Inner Planet Senshi were awake, dressed and awaiting their arrival. Thirty minutes became an hour, then an hour an a half.

Rei Hino tried to call their house. The phone rang, but there was no answer.

An hour and half became two.

* * *

"Ow-wow-wowow ….Ooof … Damn!" Kuryakin hollered as he rolled, out-of-control on a hard, level surface, then slammed into something. Normally, he could do this quite well, but he always seemed to have trouble with accuracy when 'teleporting' into a fight. He had intended to 'set down' in the center of the city. Instead, he lay there, breathing hard and sweating profusely, on his back, with his legs up in the air resting against something hard. It was summer in the Southern Hemisphere, and the night was sultry. Finally, his eyes focused. He was looking up at a famous giant statue that looked down on _"A Cidade Maravilhosa." _He rolled into a sitting position, and rested his head against the cool stone at the base of the statue. Then he joined the statue in looking out over the city.

The situation was even direr than he'd feared. The scene that met his eyes was as familiar as it was shocking. He fully knew the cruelty the ravagers were capable of, and those of which men are capable were not unknown to him either. There is no point in describing it in detail, save to say if someone had combined the worst moments The Terror during the French Revolution with the sort of thing one could might see when the Mongol horde finally broke the defenses of a recalcitrant city that would be only the beginning of it. He was immediately struck by just how powerful, and 'well fed' this one must be. If the ravager was fattened enough on the horror he was helping along, he might just choose to take Kuryakin on. So be it.

He altered his vision several times trying to fix on the enemy. Finally, he began to spot the best tell tale signs of his exact location: shadows that didn't make sense. The first business in attacking one was to dislodge him from the fabric of nature itself. That would at least calm things down a bit. There was no time to await the arrival of the Sailor Senshi.

In the city below, those who still had any semblance of their wits about them saw a figure rise into the air, his clothes glowing with light, his normally black hair now shimmering like a mane of white gold. His eyes were blazing coals of red orange, and lightning was coalescing around him. He crossed his arms before his face, then flung them apart and streams of light began flowing from him and fell on the people below. It was not a pleasant light, but harsh and judging. To some it was like a slap in face, to others it was more like a kick to the head. It was the light that reveals things many cannot bear to have revealed. It was a light that awoke consciences, even some that had long been seared shut. Silence, then a welling sense of realization, then contrition, and then a bit of sanity returned to city below. No doubt, many stories would be told of a delivering angel, coming by the purest coincidence – if one believes in coincidence, from the mountain top where the statue of _Cristo Redentor _stood. As far as that sort of thing goes, one could even say they were correct.

Having weakened the Ravager's hold over the minds of these people, Kuryakin lunged like a diver jumping off the high dive toward him. He could see him quite well now. Down below the Ravager cringed at the light knifing through him, but he was well-gorged and very strong for the moment and thus able to withstand it, so he merely sat there watching as a message reached his ears.

'_I have them.'_

He grinned as Kuryakin came closer. He was so delighted at how things were working out, he had half a mind to take on The Hated One right here, but that fight was one better fought at the place he was prepared to do so, and in the manner on which he had decided when it came into his mind to capture his allies. The Ravager disengaged and spiraled away.

Kuryakin was sure now that this was nothing more than a diversion, but what a horrible diversion it was. He would need to stay here spreading the light of Oyarsi-Perelandra now that the Ravager's hold was completely broken. The inertia of the unleashed ferocity was still about and the city was ablaze in many places. Until order was restored, he felt duty bound to stay, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone wrong with the plan for the Sailor Senshi to join him here. As before, many would have visions of a being of light and warmth passing among them. An hour later, he felt he'd done all he could, and rested for a bit. The Senshi had not joined him, all but confirming his suspicions. He found something to eat, and some water to drink, to gain strength for the trip back.

Spurred by mounting concern, his accuracy was on this time, and he put down in the circle drive at the home of the Outer Senshi. He checked the house. They were nowhere to be found. He checked the garage. Tomboy Kitten's cars were, near as he could tell, all accounted for. Had they even made it out of the house?

Then he altered his vision, and saw it: the remnants of a hole in the fabric of nature between the house and the garage that had closed itself off. "Temporal rift" they called it here. Okay, somehow they were taken. But the situation could be salvaged.

'_C'mon, Hotaru-kun,'_ he thought, glad that he had given her that little 'insurance policy.' _'Tell me where you are.'_

He took a few steps, his hand outstretched trying to read the very air in the direction indicated by the rift. Then he chanced to look down, and his heart sank, as he picked up the little black cylinder he had given to Hotaru.


	33. Chapter 09 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 009 – **_**Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**_

**(Part 4)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

**Sailor Pluto:** This place shouldn't exist.

**Sailor Saturn:** One option: destruction

**Elysian Arc (Manga)**

* * *

The young girl with the sable hair and the violet eyes sat in a field of flowers breathing in the sweet aroma. Bees buzzed about as a white butterfly floated down and perched on her head. She held out her hand and another butterfly with wings of deep, iridescent blue and purple fringes landed on her forefinger. She smiled. To her right, there was a hill with a lovely waterfall. Its flow became mere vapor at the bottom that was recollected in the pool at its base by tiny rivulets that trickled past moss covered rock. In the distance, she could hear the sound of the ocean. Its waves lapped at the shore much in the same way that a light breeze played about her face- with the gentleness one feels only in a dream. On the smooth hills of green that rolled to the horizon, there were trees fanning out their branches, enticing the birds to land, and reaching out to embrace the life of the world. She looked up to the sun, and felt its prodigal warmth diminishing slightly whenever clouds passed between her and it. What a beautiful day. What a beautiful world.

She began to turn around to look over her shoulder, but at the mere thought of turning, a sense of foreboding suddenly intruded. So pleasant were the things she was feeling now, that the foreboding, distant and light though it was, jarred. She really ought _not_ to turn around. If she did, … something …

But why? Why should she not turn around? Why not see things as they are? As they … really are.

She turned.

'_What is that?'_

In the sky to the east, there was a twirling pinwheel of blackness. It was angled away from her. More or less. It was far away, and really ought to have been of no account, except that it was just … so black. And it was moving, spinning, like blackened water going down a drain, spiraling one way, even as it apparent motion suggested it was spiraling the other way. It felt like the thing was alive, and like it was looking for something but hadn't yet found it. Odd thing, it was.

'_Oh well.'_

The young girl stood up. She ought to be getting home. Surely a good meal and a loving embrace awaited her. She took several steps before she noticed. Every step she took, the grass beneath her feet had withered and died. She took another, and the same thing happened. She stopped. She didn't like this.

'_And where was the wind?'_

It had been so pleasant on her face, but now the air was still. The waterfall to her right had dried up and she could no longer hear the sound of the ocean either. She looked back at where she'd been, and the dead places where she had already stepped began to enlarge. She watched with alarm as they got bigger and bigger. She called for it to 'stop', but it was as if by moving once at all, she had started something that could not be stopped. Her eyes caught the black pinwheel in the sky. It was getting bigger, though it did not seem to have changed position at all. She was beginning to feel very sad. Very, very sad. At her back, everything to horizon was being swallowed up in death, becoming barren, desiccated and dark. The sun was setting, and where it had been such a warm sweet light, it was now scorching and hot.

'_But if the sun is setting, it should be getting cooler?'_

The black spinning thing had turned now, and … it was either getting bigger still, or coming closer. She looked only a moment longer, and she was sure now it coming close, like black widow closing in on its trapped prey. It had been looking for her, and once she moved, it had seen her. Now the barrenness was moving ahead of her toward the horizon, and mere minutes later, everything living was gone.

'_I killed everything. I always kill. And it will never stop, for my very existence is death.'_

The black spiral hovered over her now. She sank to her knees, and sobbed, but only a single tear came out. It fell to the ground, and where it hit the dust, a small blade of grass came up out of the ground, but feebly. She tried to coax it to life. "Please, don't die," she plead, her words choked by the dusty air. She tried to pile up dust around it, and wished to water it with more tears, but no more came out. She was dry inside, as desiccated as the landscape around her and it seemed her very breath was the final thing needed to extinguish its weak attempt to grow. And why not? For her very existence pulled the life from everything without … and within.

* * *

Elsewhere, a tall, tawny blond haired girl, nearly in the fullness of a womanhood she was often at odds with, was running along a beach. Faster and faster she ran, until suddenly, to her great elation, her feet left the ground and she _was_ the wind. Sometimes she was floating lazily along; sometimes she rushed in any direction she chose. She had always felt a bit like the wind, and like it, she often did not know from whence she came, nor wither she was going, but the ground beneath gave her a reference point at least, and so she lived and she flew in the now. And as she soared over this unfamiliar place suddenly she was out over the ocean. Ah, this was nice. The slightly drier air over land gave way to the humid rising of the water vapor, and the warmth of it gave enabled her to rise higher and higher into the air. In her heart, she was so grateful that she felt she must return the favor. She spun downward to the surface of the waters, brushed along it carrying spray in her wake, and then flew upward, carrying it aloft. As she did so, it seemed as though the seas were almost … well, it was closer to laughing than anything else. Whatever it was, it was the sweetest sound she'd ever heard.

Yet elsewhere, a girl with hair like the waves of ocean sat with a seashell to her ear, listening to the voices of the waters. The voices flowed as one in their currents and yet she could make out each voice as she could make out the different instruments in the _tutti_ of a symphony. And the song was sweet, so much so the she wanted to join with it. Then, she did. She was the water, warm, life-giving, and surging with deep driving forces. She spun herself up out of the water and looked down. She was such a lovely girl and she knew it, but she got away with this vanity because as sure as she knew it, she also knew that somehow none of that really mattered. Something was missing.

Those chthonic forces coursing through her were not of her. She could claim no merit in her beauty because it was contingent upon them. She was fluid but without life, until another took bore her up. And so with the joy of finding a long lost and treasured possession, she sighed as a wind came from who knows where, and moved her as nothing ever had. It was warm and playful. She laughed as it took her up into the cold places of the air, so that she could partake in the ancient cycle laid down in the founding laws of the universe. She longed to see the face of the wind, and hear its voice, but she could not. It would have to be enough for now that she could feel it bearing her up, and making her into clouds and rain, and rivers and lakes and seas, escaping and returning again and again, in the …

'_What was that?' _

Far off in the distance, under the water, there was whirlpool of darker water. The wind flew over to see it. As she got close, there was a great rumbling, and then a sound, as if someone had opened a massive drain. A great hole was opening up under the sea. Water flowed in a vast, spinning maelstrom and the levels of the oceans visibly fell. The opening was greater and greater until all the waters, even from the very sky itself, were drained into it. The wind looked upon this with abject sadness. "How unfair of you, Michiru: to go to a world of your own, and leave me behind." She would have cried if she could, but she could not, and that was worst pain of all.

As the waters fell into the hole, the girl with hair like the waves looked up and saw the figure of the wind looking down on her. She tried to call to her for help, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of her falling deeper and deeper into the bowels of the earth, until the hole through which she fell was no bigger than a moon in the sky. She collected into a dark place, and sat there. There was nothing her to move her. She was stagnant, becoming foul, fetid and scummy.

The wind was stilled, the waters were poisoned, and the world was dead. And each of the three girls sobbed inwardly, but inadequately. What would they not suffer to change this? But they were stilled, and suffer was all they could do.

'_Haruka …'_

'_Michiru …'_

'_Setsuna-momma …'_

'… _where am I?'_ each of them asked.

* * *

Kuryakin thought hard about how to locate the Outer Planet Senshi. He found himself questioning again and again his decision not to tell them too much about how to fight a Ravager. He also wondered if it hadn't amounted to 'using them.' The Ravager was trying to draw him out; was he trying to use his own judo against him, using them as bait and hoping they'd prove a sort of poison pill if he tried anything.

'_No,'_ he thought. _'I had to get to Brazil as fast as possible to stop what was happening. In fact, I almost did wait. I almost let the carnage go on, just because I wanted to know I would not be far from her if something happened.'_ There was nothing to be done about it now though. He must trust that they can handle it, at least until he can get there. Not knowing his exact location was just a bit of a problem. How much energy would he have to expend just to find them? Would he be so worn out that he'd have little left to fight with? He had already done the space / time folding twice today. He had to find them on the first try if at all possible. Nearly everyone knows what it is like to think hard about something you are trying to figure out. It is believed that thinking actually clouds out intuition. In fact, thinking too hard about something is really thinking to little about it, using only one part of the mind instead of the whole. Kuryakin knew this, by education and experience. Once the facts are settled upon, letting go of ratiocination is a needed act of faith, and opens the door through which intuition may finally come. He quieted his mind and began humming "I Will Wait for You" from The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

'_How I despise this song …'_

Point one: we've more or less settled on the Central Pacific as the most probable location for whatever plan they have…

'_Hate, hate, hate it …'_

Point two: the Central Pacific is on a direct arc between Rio de Janeiro and Kisarazu. Coincidence, but …

'_Must send a nasty email to the guy who wrote this quantum singularity of mawkish musical mush …'_

Point three: the rift in time / space came from that direction as well. And how did he manage that anyway?

'_I wonder if I can find a way to sue that little French lady for making me play it over and over …? Wait a minute. Of course …_

"Someone has already seen where they are …" he said aloud.

He dashed toward the house. The front door was locked. There were several ways around that: he chose the most direct and kicked it in. He went to the phone in the kitchen and looked at the caller ID log.

'_Miyuki-chan called yesterday, bless her.'_

There were several calls from K.O. University, and few others. And someone from a "Hikawa Shrine" had called four times in the last three hours. He punched in the number and someone answered. Thirty minutes later, he was bounding up the stairs of the Shinto shrine.

* * *

A woman with long green hair and tanned, dusky skin lay in … well, some place soft and luxurious. Her eyes were closed and she was not disposed to open them. She might have been in a silk bed, but the light breeze that played about her face and the sounds of nature that came from all directions suggested that, if so, the bed was outdoors. That was a mere trifle anyway. She felt comfort in every part of her body, and her heart felt an excitement she had not known much of. There was someone with her. Periodically, she could feel a strong but gentle hand touch her shoulders, her arms, her flanks. She sighed pleasantly at the latest touch: a hand running along the outside of her thigh. She did not have to look to see who it was. She knew. It was _him_.

Hiding in the back of her mind was the feeling that … this was _not right_. She did not belong. There was someone else who ought to be with … _him_, but the combination of languorous comfort and the excitation of this occasional touch kept that thought at bay. A cloud passed between her and the sun, at least to judge from the way the her closed eyes perceived a dimming of the light and warmth momentarily diminished. Her eyes still shut, she waited expectantly for its return.

And a half a minute later, it did.

She wanted never to move from here. She was the happiest she'd ever been. So happy she could almost believe that her skin was fair and her hair was blonde and that when she opened her eyes, she would see green fields on the heights over looking the city, and crystal towers gleaming in the center, and know that she was ruler over it all. No need to open her eyes and check. She could have lain there for days and days. For all she knew, she had.

Then the air was rent by a tremendous explosion. Her eyes snapped open, and she was crouching in the mists around the Time Gate. The sounds of the final assault on the Crystal Palace were ongoing. She remembered what had happened, too. Small Lady had done something, and at that moment, _they_ had attacked. The Queen was caught outside the protection of the palace. Sailor Pluto concentrated hard, trying to foresee the outcome of this battle and could not. She tried to call someone and find out how if the defenses were holding. No one answered. She was frightened. Then the air went still, and the sounds stopped. Her fear trebled.

'_Has the palace fallen?'_

If so, she would be ready. They would surely come to this place, try to take it, use it for their own purposes. And then there was no doubt. The palace had fallen. Nothing specific happened to suggest this, but the feeling that it had became irresistible. She was preparing to defend the time gate to the death. She could just make out shapes coming toward her, she was ready to fight and even had some surprises prepared for those who dared to violate the door of her vow. She firmed her grip on the Garnet Rod, prepared to make the Black Moons' victory as costly as possible.

Her back to the Time Gate, she had not seen the doors quietly open. She had not seen the four pairs of hands reach for her until it was too late. One pair grabbed her by her long hair; others grabbed her arms and covered her mouth. She was slammed to the ground, felt her arms jerked roughly behind her, her hands bound, and her legs and feet as well. Now as three approaching figures could seen in the haze front of her, she was on her knees and a childish-looking woman in a powder blue outfit was affixing a gag – _déjà vu?_ -to her mouth while another held her head firmly by her hair. Only then did she realize that when the palace fell to them, so did the Time Gate, for they were intimately connected in some way. She had been taken from behind without one chance to fight back, by the Ayakashi Sisters. The shapes before her materialized. On her right was Crimson Rubeus, who looked down at her, smirking. Next to him was a lime green haired woman, Esmeraude, and on her left was Prince Daimande's brother, Saphir.

"Well, well," said Rubeus in a light conversational tone. "Weren't expecting us, were we?"

"I'll take this," said Esmeraude, who bent over and picked up the fallen Garnet Rod, and then began stroking it, and eyeing it with a curious, crafty and _experimental_ gaze.

"Shall we execute her?" asked Petz, the eldest of the sisters as she put a dagger to Pluto's throat. Sailor Pluto almost welcomed that idea. She had failed. All was lost. Millennia, and more, of faithful service were all for naught. She should have acted at once, altered this future, though she was forbidden to do such things, and though it would have meant her death. Anything but this.

"Let's not be too hasty," said Rubeus, appraising the captive Time Guardian. "She is a pretty thing."

Pluto's eyes flashed with an equal measure of anger and fear.

'_No, not that. Please let them kill me.'_

"They all are … or were," said Saphir, sounding very, very bored.

Pluto's eyes misted at the thought that all the others had, apparently, been slain.

"Saphir," came a commanding voice to her left. "Do you want her?"

She turned her head as much as she was able with Koan holding on to her hair tightly. She saw Prince Daimande holding the limp figure of Neo-Queen Serenity in his arms. He had what he wanted most, and was, apparently, feeling expansive and magnanimous. Pluto's eyes flickered to the man in the dark blue tunic. He was quite handsome, and his mien seemed gentle, or at least, gentler than that of Rubeus. He even vaguely resembled King Endymion, and the thought came briefly into her mind that if she must be 'given' to someone, let it at least be him, and not the scabby, punkish red head with the increasingly sadistic gleam in his eye. Her eyes even pleaded momentarily with Saphir, and his eyes flashed cold indifference in return.

"Let Rubeus have her," he sniffed disdainfully. "She's beneath me. He's a much more appropriate master for such as this."

"And what do you mean by that, Saphir?" asked Rubeus.

"Enough," said Daimande, as swelling laughter could be heard to her left.

"Yes, I agree," said a haughty young woman's voice. "She'll like him far less than you, Saphir."

Pluto turned to look at the newcomer. How could things have gotten any worse? And yet they did. Pluto could see the grown-up form of Chibiusa, Black Lady. Her best friend. Her beloved Small Lady. Corrupted. And worse, she was in the arms of King Endymion. At first, she thought he was under her spell, but then he spoke of his own volition.

"I agree," he said coolly. "Saphir would be too gentle. Rubeus ought to have her. He will teach her the depth of her failure."

Tears began flowing down her face as Rubeus grabbed her hair by the forelocks.

"You want to die, don't you?" he said calmly with what might have been genuine sympathy. "You will." Then he whispered in her ear, "But you will die a hundred times before that."

Every thing that could go wrong had gone wrong in the worst possible way. Her muffled sobs echoed through the halls as The Four Phantom Sisters carried her away.

* * *

"It _is_ him," said the very pretty and queenly Rei Hino, looking at and then quickly hiding the picture Setsuna had given her. This sparked considerable whispering among the girls behind her. Kuryakin had gone up the stairs of Hikawa Shrine expecting a quiet meeting with the _miko_ who'd had the vision and whom Hotaru had said was Sailor Mars, one of those Inner Planet Senshi. Instead, he was met by a group of people, among them Funny Bunny and her boyfriend who, he took note, was dressed fairly normally today. Ami Mizuno was there as well. The other three were unknown to him, but he quickly understood he was looking at the entire group of Inner Planet Senshi, and, remembering some of the snippets of their battles, he quickly deduced who corresponded to whom in those fights. He also noticed two cats who watched him with a bit more interest than normal cats might have exhibited.

'_Ah yes, the talking felines. The gang's all here.'_

He had told Rei Hino that he knew something about why Haruka and company had not arrived. He assumed they would understand there was trouble, and he wondered how much he would have to divulge in order to find out what the _miko_ had seen. This was one instance where he needed the conversation to go exactly as he intended, and no more than that.

As he began to try and make that happen, he was suddenly surrounded by three of them who, the situation notwithstanding, appeared to be checking him out. They should have all been more focused on the problem but it was as if Funny Bunny's capricious spirit infused them all. It was a strange experience. There was something very beguiling about seeing them all together like this.

"So you're the guy who's in love with Setsuna-san," said the beautiful blonde girl, whom Kuryakin now recognized as the one he'd seen in passing years ago in London with the sign of Venus on her forehead.

"Well, yes, but that's not important right now …' he said sheepishly, his face becoming a little red. "I mean, well, it is … It's _very_ important actually, but …"

"So tall," exclaimed an athletic looking brunette with rose earrings.

"Yeah, I wonder how he managed to kiss her."

"Minako-chan!" said Ami Mizuno, scandalized. Kuryakin's face turned a deeper shade of red. Apparently, word had gotten around.

"Well, Setsuna-san is pretty tall herself."

"Well yes, but not that much, Mako-chan …"

"Well, I sort of … lifted her up and …," said Kuryakin, motioning with his hands. Then surprised at himself for getting caught up in their reverie, he became redder still, as this only raised the level of tittering among the girls.

"Hi, mister," said Usagi, who waved from behind them. "Nice to see you again."

"You too, Funny Bunny-chan," he said, and nodded to her taciturn boyfriend as well. "Told them _all_ about it, did ya?"

"Hahaha, well," she replied sheepishly, "teenage girls tend to be this way, y'know, and Rei-chan has had us cooped up here for almost three days – in the middle of the Christmas season, no less, and since we're missing school just now, Ami-chan is making sure we all keep up with our studies, but that gets tiring, so …"

"I understand," he smiled. "I hope I have been a sufficiently amusing distraction."

"Oh no, mister, it's not like that," said Makoto.

"Not at all," said Minako. "We've even been trying to think if there's any way we can help you."

"That's _very_ kind of you, but … you shouldn't have. Really."

"We just don't know much about Setsuna-san, though."

"Hello?" said Kuryakin trying to get their attention.

"Yes, we just don't see that much of any of them," said Rei-chan with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Indeed, one _wonders_ how you all even met?" said Kuryakin archly, deciding that the only way to get their attention was to suggest he was considerably in-the-know. In fact, the way they were talking so freely, he wondered not if, but how many, others had picked up on the strange association of the elite Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna with these charming, pretty and able, but much earthier girls. It was a miracle they'd managed to keep the whole thing secret for any length of time. Completely missing this, the others continued talking, except for Ami who came over to him, looking serious.

"Kuryakin-san, has something bad happened to Setsuna-san, and the others?"

"I think so," he nodded.

But the others continued to discuss the possibilities. Funny Bunny joined in as well. The conversation reached a fever pitch, until …

"That's not what's important right now!" Ami shrieked.

Silence.

"Mizuno-kun!" said Kuryakin looking very, very pleased. "I always knew you had it in you!"

* * *

On the island of Tinuatu, the bodies of the Outer Planet Senshi lay scattered well apart from each other as the Ravager fed on their anguish. The machine had worked perfectly, and had taken them as they had exited their house to get into a conveyance for a trip somewhere. When their unconscious forms were deposited on the island, thick, knobby monkey vines began slowly entwining them. He decided to keep them well separated, and except for the eldest, outside. They were powerful indeed, and long lived. This could be food for a long time and soon his strength would be great enough to think seriously about taking on the Hated One at any time, in any place. My how fortune had favored him. Yet, superb as their anguish was, it was a mere appetizer. The first three had rather abstract dreams, such as one would find in the young. But the other? She was ancient and like many who have known years in ascetic privation, her long-standing dreams were of more concrete, basic and even simple things. That she was young in body made it possible to push her even more. It was the best of both worlds. Her anguish was like a particularly rare and fine wine and the more he drank of it, the more he wanted. So pleasant was this, so filling, so intoxicating, that as he gorged himself on them, he began to think of ways and far away places to hide these captives so that no one else could find his treasure.

But, as it is said, 'evil' always contains within itself the seeds of its own destruction. So long had this Ravager sat in hunger, hoping, hiding, biding its time for an opportunity to sneak through the corridor network of the Oyarandrans, that if one could forgive a devil, one could almost forgive this one for 'overeating.' These were passionate people he had taken, powerful and with great dreams. All of these things he used in an almost artistic fashion to work them up, and then yank the rug out from under them. Their fears were as deep as their dreams, for much responsibility had been put on them, and the terror in their bodies and souls at seeing the worst of them was good food for his kind. As he fed on them again, and again, he became so sated and besotted that he had nodded off for a few brief moments. That was enough.

Hotaru heard it first. Or rather she felt it. It was nothing more than a breeze, at first, but the world was so dead, any sign of life in it was a drastic change. She felt the breeze and heard it change by slow degrees into whispering, and then into a garbled colloquy of two distinct voices: her own, and that of someone kind and good. She was remembering something sweet now: someone talking with her, deeply, sincerely, about things that fascinated her: someone fretting over her, trying, as though his life depended on it, to understand her. And finally, the babble of two distinct voices resolved into a single clear one: a deep voice that called her out of her present anguish. If it had been pitched any higher, the blackness would have absorbed it, drawn its energy in to itself. But this was something beyond the corrupted nature that sought to keep it from being heard.

"… _they can use your worst fears against you ... raise you to a peak of euphoria and plunge you into blackest despair …there will be a test on this … you will be tested everyday of your life … by Reality … that is how they fight …"_

The others were well-secured, but the vines holding her down were so thick they could not completely close around her small mouth.

"This is how _we_ fight!" she said, as she finally regained consciousness. "Saturn Crystal Power! Make UP!"

Sailor Saturn stood in the midst of singed vines as snapped and broken as the Ravager's hold over her. She fingered the Silence Glaive meditatively in her hand. _'Let him come. I'll teach him a thing or two,'_ she remembered her Hotaru–self saying.

"Just so. But first, the others are surely around here somewhere."

She began her search. Periodically, the island attempted to capture her again. Vines snaked toward her, the ground tried to swallow her, trees came to life and tried to snatch her. But her instincts were on, her eyes and her mind were quick. And her feet. And her sharp, sharp weapon.

* * *

"Miss Meioh said that you had seen trouble coming before any one else," said Kuryakin, getting down to business.

"You know what this is about then?" asked Rei.

"Yes," he said, thinking fast, "Your friends have found a conspiracy of sorts."

This was not a lie, exactly. Tenoh-san had indeed picked up on this, though Kuryakin's help had been needed to flush out the details.

"What do you need from us, Kuryakin-san?" asked Ami.

"I need to know what you saw," Kuryakin said, looking from Ami to Rei.

She explained her vision and Kuryakin thought for a moment.

"Where was the center of the storm?"

"Over the Pacific Ocean."

"Where, exactly?" asked Kuryakin. "Did you see any islands in the eye of it?"

"Not that I can remember."

'_I need to see what she saw,'_ he thought. "Miss Hino, may I see the room where you do your readings?"

She agreed and they all went into the fire altar room. This was a most interesting place to Kuryakin. It was alive with many things he alone could see. Just now and then, there were even voices, of a sort, that whispered of things past, present and future. Among them was one that whispered an interesting tidbit about the resident _miko._ He walked up to the fire altar.

"You're a pyromancer then?"

She nodded as the others watched with curiosity.

"May I touch it?" he asked, speaking of the altar.

At first, she looked as though she was going to give him permission, but then she said, "Wait, I'd better touch it before you do."

"Very well," he nodded. She put her hand on it, announcing as it were that a stranger was about to intrude. He touched the altar, and it was a very interesting experience for both of them. She could see things about this man that didn't make sense in any immediate context, and he was sure that if she would think on the vision she'd had, he might just be able to see it too. One thing she saw made her blush. She saw a fairly clear image of the night Kuryakin kissed Setsuna, and the slight smile on his face made her wonder if he knew she was seeing that.

"Miss Hino, could you concentrate on that vision, please?"

She nodded and did so. As he'd hoped, this 'fire' had warmed to him as it were, and he was dimly seeing it now too. Then for just an instant, he saw it very clearly and there was a small island dead center of the storm's eye.

"Why there?" he mumbled quietly. Assuming the whole project wasn't underwater, he was leaning toward Howland Island as most likely place.

"I'm seeing something else now," Rei said, quietly. She placed her hand over the coals. A tiny burst of flame leapt to her wrist and encircled her hand. It flashed different colors, purple, green, then orange surrounding blue.

"What?" Kuryakin asked.

"It's dark, but I can hear the sounds of water dripping, and … I think it's a cave. No, much bigger. A cavern."

"Ah, of course," Kuryakin said. "It's on the Magellan Rise. It's a volcanic dome. It's underground."

Then Rei gasped.

"Rei-chan, what's wrong?" asked Usagi.

She put her free hand to her mouth.

"I'm seeing dead bodies."

"Not Haruka or any of the others?" said Usagi fearfully.

"No."

"Are any of them wearing seamen's uniforms?" asked Kuryakin gravely.

"Some, yes," she nodded.

"That's all I needed to know. Thank you, Miss Hino. Thank you very much."

"Wait," said Usagi as he started to run out of the room. "You know where Haruka and the others are?"

"It will take me a while to be sure," he said remembering that the Outer Senshi had, with much ambivalence, decided to keep them uninvolved for now. As well, he still thought of the whole situation as his fault, and he didn't want these good people risking themselves over it too. "Can you wait until I can check it out before I tell you?"

"Promise you'll let us know," said Miss Hino.

"You _will_ know no later than tonight," he said firmly. _'One way or the other.'_

At the door, he looked back over his shoulder as though there was something he both should and shouldn't say. During their momentary contact, he thought she might have seen something private in his thoughts. Fair is fair, and so with a slightly amused smile, he said, "By the way, Miss Hino, it's a crying shame you've given up on men. You would make the right person very happy, I think. Thanks again. If I'm right, they owe you one."

"Who?" asked Minako, as Rei blushed and wondered what else this man might have seen. Kuryakin ran quickly to stairs leading down to the street below, and was gone.

Luna hopped up on to Usagi's shoulder.

"You don't think he knows about us, do you?"

* * *

'_What?'_ thought the Ravager awaking from his torpor of satiety. Uttering an ancient curse, he realized he had lost control of the three outside. A cursory look at them had suggested that while the littlest one might be trouble, the other two were manageable. He had not however taken the full measure of them. He quickly 'slithered'- for want of a better word, to the cave where he had the other one captive. She was still unconscious and under his control. It was time to take her nightmare to the next level and then gain full control of her. Then it should be possible to regain control of the others, using her as a hostage, or possibly even as a weapon in his own hand.

* * *

"He-Yaaaaaa!" screamed Sailor Saturn, as she swung the Glaive at the branches of a tree that suddenly came to life and reached out for her. As the blade sliced through them and landed in the trunk of the tree with a loud "thock," she heard some familiar words.

"Deep Submerge!"

Suddenly, a wall of water drawn from the very ocean itself rushed by taking a tangle of vines and other detritus toward the crest of the hill Sailor Saturn came up.

"How did you get free?" she asked, as Sailor Neptune ran up to her.

"I'm not sure, really," said Neptune. "All I remember was being down in a deep, dark hole. Then I heard a voice. No more than a whisper really. _'This game sounds dangerous …__ some people are too innocent to be tempted to despair; others, having been tempted and survived, are immune …__'_ it said. Then I realized what was happening. I struggled a bit, and when the vines tried to tighten around me, my mouth was freed for a moment."

"Who told you that about despair?"

"Mister Kuryakin," she said with an admissive smile.

"Perhaps you enjoyed talking to him more than you thought," said Saturn a bit haughtily.

"What was it doing to us, I wonder?" asked Neptune rhetorically.

"Feeding on us, I think," came a voice from above them. They looked up to see Sailor Uranus still bound to a palm tree. There were singed vines all around on the ground below her, but a fresh set had managed to catch her arms before she could put her sword to work. "I'm a little weak. Would you two mind getting me down now?" More vines were snaking toward them, but Neptune cleared the way with her Submarine Reflection. Three slices of the Silence Glaive later, Sailor Uranus hit the ground running, and the others followed. When they got to an open space, they stopped for a moment to get their bearings.

"So," asked Saturn, "how did _you_ get free?"

"Huh? Oh, it's funny. I heard a voice, too. _'__It's a tough sport,'_ it said. '_No shame in a crash or two.'_ And I remembered saying, 'Right. What matters is getting back on the track as soon as possible.' Then I managed to call for my transformation. Where are we, anyway?"

"I'm reasonably certain we're still on earth," said Saturn.

Neptune closed her eyes and cocked her head toward the sounds of the ocean lapping at the shores of the island. After listening for a moment, she said, "We are on an island in the Pacific Ocean. Men call it Tinuatu."

"Hmm," said Uranus. "What is it with villains and islands in the South Pacific?"

"Actually," said Saturn, "Tinuatu is slightly _north_ of the equator so it's not really in the _South_ Pacific."

"Oh. Well, we're dealing with a really original bad guy then. Good," said Uranus, winking at Saturn.

"Where is Sailor Pluto, I wonder? Surely she's here with us somewhere?"

"She is," said Neptune. "I can sense her."

"We need to find her," said Saturn.

"We can't wait," said Uranus. "We need to attack the enemy right away."

"No," said Saturn. "We should find her first. We'll need all of us to fight this battle."

Uranus looked back over her shoulder at Saturn. She thought for a moment, then closed her eyes and smiled a little.

"All right."

It was a little concession, but unusual nonetheless, especially in the heat of battle. Usually Sailor Uranus didn't take cues from anyone but Sailor Neptune.

"I don't think we should split up though," said Neptune.

The other two nodded their agreement, and the search began. In the minutes that followed they rightly surmised that the 'enemy' must have nodded off for a moment, but was awake now, for the island was working with renewed vigor to recapture them. As it did, the three Outer Senshi found themselves instinctively working together in ways they never had before. As they probed a grove of palms to see if Pluto was being held there, the trees all came to life. More vines snaked toward them along the ground, and for a moment it looked at is if the vines didn't get them, the trees would for they could not seem to handle both at the same time. Then, firing from behind Saturn's Silence Wall to protect them from the vines, Uranus and Neptune annihilated the trees with Sword Blaster and Submarine Reflection attacks. Until they could rest for a moment, none of them even realized they had never before been able to fire their attacks from within Saturn's defensive bubble. As they continued their search, Saturn / Hotaru looked pleased. They had not yet found Sailor Pluto, but there was a unity of action, a coordination none of them had ever felt.

* * *

The earth's speed of rotation at the latitude of Tokyo is approximately 843 miles per hour. At the equator, it's about 1,040 miles per hour. The Earth's orbital speed around the Sun is about 67,000 miles per hour. The sun orbits the galactic center at a speed of approximately 42,000 miles per hour. For present purposes, we'll leave out all the issues involved in calculating the movement toward The Great Attractor (in the direction of the constellation Virgo) and whether or not there is a "center" to the universe itself around which all things orbit. Combining all the spatial speeds, one moves about 140 miles per second.

Remove yourself from all those planes of inertial reference and you must match the speeds in all directions and calculate a trajectory that will bring to bear the place where you want to end up. Factor in the concern you feel for someone you're in love with, a remarkable young girl, and "those two kittens" and … well, under these circumstances, Peter Kuryakin can be forgiven for overshooting Tinuatu by about two miles. That did, however, put him over the ocean and forty feet in midair.

'_Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn …'_ thought Kuryakin all the way down.

The only question now was whether it would cost more to do it again for a mere two miles, or just tough it out and swim the distance. The water was very warm, even invigorating. He heard punctuated rumblings coming from the island. This must be the place, and from the sound of it, the Outer Planet Senshi were engaging the enemy. He prayed they were holding their own, and headed out. A thought occurred to him as he swam:

'_I wonder if Malacandra's eagerness for battle has anything to do with my accuracy-going-into-a-fight problem?'_

* * *

She was in a dark place. Changes in the darkness, shadowy shapes here and there seemed to suggest a room she knew. She tried to move but couldn't, much. Something was holding her down. Nor could she speak, when she tried to call out. She could hear footfalls coming down a hall and seemingly toward her. All of the memories of what had happened before she lost consciousness came back to her. The Palace had fallen. She had been captured and 'given' to one of the enemy. And with sudden rush of terror, she realized he was coming to have his way with his prize. But here the Ravager miscalculated as to exactly why these things were so nightmarish to Setsuna Meioh. The fall of the Palace was one thing, but to see Small Lady and Endymion turned against her in some fashion had removed any meaning to her life. Now that she'd seen the worst things that could happen, she no longer cared what happened to herself. She was sorry beyond words over it, but the Ravager had completely misunderstood the nature of her love for them both and made those events too definite a thing in her mind. There was no degradation she could suffer now that would make her feel worse than she already did. Though still under his power, Setsuna too began hearing a voice. At first, it was just indistinct whispering, but after a few more attempts to focus on it, it became clearer. And then she realized what was wrong with her dream. Why hadn't she seen it when it was happening? The sign of the Black Moon Clan was an inverted black crescent on the forehead; but reliving that scene in her mind, she saw as clearly as the sun in the sky that there were not crescents but black spirals.

'_So now you know … now you know … you know…'_

Or had she just imagined them? Her head cleared. Of course. Everything had 'gone wrong' in the worst possible way. Which couldn't be. Certain of those events were contradictory. They couldn't _all_ have happened at once. A door opened and the silhouette of a man could be seen in it. He started coming toward her. Her mind was racing fast now.

'_This cannot be real.'_

Then she remembered, she had … something … that could protect her, and her pure heart from evils. Something she could call by thought alone. But what was it?

'_Talisman!'_

An explosion of light went off between her and her would-be master. The briefly illuminated form of a smirking Crimson Rubeus was burned away by the light, and the Garnet Rod resolved distinctly out of the flash. 'Rubeus' then morphed into a huge, black, clawed hand that reached for her, and suddenly drew back, as if stung. As the light washed over her, the whole room disappeared. She saw now that she was in a cave, bound to a sloping wall. The wave of light washed over her and she felt her bonds loosen. Moments later, she was free to speak.

"Pluto Crystal Power, Make UP!"

Too late did the Ravager see how disciplined and powerful Sailor Pluto was. It was not his intention to underestimate these foes. But he had rushed things too much to feed upon them, and by-passed the 'usual precautions,' not to mention good form, in terrorizing his prey. So the Ravager did not see in time that something else was at work in this woman, something that, for its own reasons, would defend her, at least under these conditions.

Ravagers were never good at improvising. They were too rigid - one might almost say 'ideological,'- in their thinking to permit that. As he retreated for the moment from the cave, he cursed the Hated One for preventing her transformation the day before. He might have seen more of her nature, and of how strong she was. He could have managed her, if he'd been able to plan for it. Indeed, given a day to think on it, he could have used her nature to take even better control of her, and possibly even make her attack her friends. Instead, he realized he had four tigresses by their pretty tails. But that might be great fun, too. The little one worried him a bit, but he still thought he could best them. This Senshi was still separated from the others, and they had not yet found their way in here. For the moment, he would have to withdraw and summon his deepest reserves, and then begin by recapturing her. He already knew how he was going to do it. Strange, these humans' irrational fears of some of their most innocuous fauna.


	34. Chapter 09 Part 5

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 009 – **_**Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**_

**(Part 5)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

At the hole where he went in

Red-Eye called to Wrinkle-Skin.

Hear what little Red-Eye saith:

"Nag, come up and dance with death!"

Eye to eye and head to head,

(Keep the measure, Nag.)

This shall end when one is dead;

(At thy pleasure, Nag.)

Turn for turn and twist for twist--

(Run and hide thee, Nag.)

Hah! The hooded Death has missed!

(Woe betide thee, Nag!)-

**_Rudyard Kipling- Rikki Tikki Tavi_**

* * *

**_Dunston _**

_(seeing Tristan holding a steak to his eye):_

Humphrey again?

**_Tristan:_**

No, actually, it was the guard. The guard at the wall?

**_Dunston:_**

Tristan, he's 97 years old.

**_Tristan:_**

Well that's given him plenty of time to practice then, hasn't it?

**_Stardust (2007)_**

* * *

"But this is very foolish," said the Un-man.

"Do you not know who I am?"

"I know _what_ you are," said Ransom.

"_Which_ of them doesn't matter."

**-_ C.S. Lewis, Perelandra_**

* * *

"We've searched everywhere," said Sailor Uranus. "She's either really well hid, or she's not here."

"We've searched the surface, yes," said Saturn, as she eyed the grassy plateau on which they stood. It was the highest point on the island. The enemy seemed to have given up trying to recapture them for the moment, and now she knelt down, and, using the blade of the Glaive, she turned over the soil to reveal black volcanic ash underneath.

"This is a volcanic dome," she said. "There could be caves."

"So she could be underground," said Uranus. "I've been thinking that myself. I also think if we find her, we'll find the enemy. In a more real fashion than we already have, I mean."

"I'll check it out," said Sailor Neptune, as held out her mirror, studying the dome for a minute. Saturn watched their backs, and took note that the island's predilection for coming to life seemed to have stopped. _'A more real fashion?'_ thought Saturn. Then she remembered something: nature itself is generated by their activity, Kuryakin had said.

'_Of course,'_ Saturn thought. _'He must have learned from his master how to permeate nature, and he can remove himself from it as well. If he tries to attack using plant life again, the first thing we have to do is drive him from it.'_

"There are huge caverns under this dome," Neptune said, still looking in to her mirror. "It's very thick on top, but there are some weak spots in the sides."

"C'mon," Uranus yelled, and took off like a shot.

* * *

Sailor Pluto moved cautiously through the caverns. She held her weapon out in front of her and concentrated hard to see if she could sense the enemy.

Nothing. Apparently, he had retreated. But to where? And why? Would he come back stronger?

It seemed she had time to take stock of the situation. The last thing she remembered was a feeling that something was coming toward them as they left the house to get into Haruka's car. Then everything went dark. The next thing she knew she was happier than she'd ever been, and then was plunged into an incredible anguish, as the worst possible thing she could know seemed to have happened. She knew now it was all merely a combination idyllic dream turned to her worst nightmare, but the power and the reality of it was unbelievable. She had felt, deeply, both genuine pleasure and genuine horror, and even now could still feel her skin crawling at the things she saw and felt.

Water dripped from the ceiling into small pools scattered about as she moved stealthily into another section of the massive caverns. She couldn't tell what direction it was coming from but there was a low thrumming sound that had to be mechanical in nature. She was very confused right now. In the midst of it all, she wanted to go back to the default position: this was all Kuryakin's fault. Yet, it was Kuryakin's voice, speaking the words he spoke the night he kissed her, which had brought her around. She also realized that the enemy had not only underestimated her but misunderstood her. It probably was a good thing the Ravager had not 'gotten a look' at her transformed state yesterday, and she had him to thank for that as well.

She could not feel more confused in this moment. She was incredibly relieved that the horrible things she experienced in the past few hours were merely illusions. Her sense of purpose was instantly renewed, but she was also angry, and rightly felt violated by the Ravager's attack, especially given the way it used her unique life and its loves and cares and fears to terrorize her. Why didn't Mister Kuryakin warn them about how this enemy would attack them? He had, but only vaguely. She could have seen this as a measure of his respect for their abilities, and his trust in them as Sailor Senshi, but just now, it had seemed irresponsible of him. Then, she remembered how she often dealt with others, withholding what, to them, would surely have been pertinent information, because it was sometimes better to know too little than to know too much. It would be quite hypocritical of her to get too riled up over that.

The part of her determined to find fault with him rose in her again and she remembered something else. When she had asked him what, exactly, the Ravagers could do to someone, he said "everything I could do …" A great fury began welling inside her. Last night, she had nearly admitted to him how she felt, but now she wondered if somehow he had used a power similar to that of the Ravager to make her feel something for him. That she could not remember dreams for the last four months made her wonder even more. She didn't seem to recall he had also said "everything I could do _but choose not to_," and that she knew enough of him to give him the benefit of the doubt on that. Part of her wanted to believe he'd subtly manipulated her, yet something else arose within her saying, "No! He would not do such a thing! You _know_ he wouldn't."

Such was the internal war that continued to rage inside her, no matter the circumstances. On top of it all was how dearly she wished none of this had happened. She shouldn't even be thinking about him just now. As far as she knew, he had no idea where they were, and they would have to take this thing on themselves. Enough of this! There was work to do, and an enemy to be destroyed.

There was the slightest change in the feeling of the air, and she knew: it was coming. She was almost grateful. Her confusion was swallowed up in one certainty: this thing had to be destroyed. She tightened her grip on the Garnet Rod, as she saw black shadows moving on the wall of the cavern that trailed off to the left, and prepared to utter words she'd uttered a thousand times before.

* * *

The three Senshi on the surface of the island were working their way around the dome. Neptune held out her mirror looking for a weak point through which they could blast their way, without bringing anything down. Suddenly all three of them heard a powerful rumbling coming from within it. There were several more in rapid succession.

"She's definitely in there," said Sailor Uranus.

"She must be free, and fighting too," said Saturn who continued to watch their back. Suddenly, she let out a yelp as a vine snagged her foot. The island was coming to life again. She slung the Glaive in a tight circle and the vine was severed. More were snaking toward them all.

"Uranus! There!" pointed Sailor Neptune.

"Space Sword Blaster," she bellowed, as she held her sword before her. Bursts of energy slammed in to the side of a bare lava wall, knocking out big chunks that dropped to the base, while littler ones went flying off all directions.

"Hurry!" yelled Saturn, as she swung the Glaive again and again.

"I'm through!" said Uranus. "Let's go."

They ran through the hole Uranus had created, but the vines were following them in. Again, Saturn deployed her defensive bubble as Uranus and Neptune fired through it.

* * *

Kuryakin crawled ashore, and then lay there for several minutes. He was beat. The condition of his body after three time-space foldings in the span of half a day was not improved by a two miles swim. Then he heard the unmistakable sounds of the battle rumbling in the distance. Ready or not, there was no time to waste. Even as he stood up on rubbery legs, the fight was upon him. The local flora was doing something he'd seen many times before in his seven decades of fighting: attacking him, trying to pin him down. His eyes blazed red, and a jolt of energy went through him. Then they changed to white as he knelt down. The vines snaking toward him were nearly upon him, but then drew back as he was surrounded by a sphere of energy. Then, he spread him arms outward; white flame ignited the nearest ones and began moving along the various tangles across the island. When the flame had passed, the vines were unharmed, but docile.

"Be purified, and at peace," he said, still somewhat out of breath. "I, and those with me, shall soon wash away the filth that has beset you and used you against your purpose."

* * *

"Mondo Shaking!" bellowed Uranus for the tenth time, as more vines slithered through the opening she had made. The cave was illuminated with yellow-orange light as the ball of energy slammed into the opening, frying the vines. Neptune was about to fire again, when the yellow fire of Uranus's attack suddenly became much brighter, and turned white.

"What the …?" she asked as they all leapt back.

The white fire burned very hot for a moment but then died down and they saw the entryway was clear. They watched for a moment to see if anything more was going to come through.

"What was that?" asked Sailor Uranus.

"I'm … not sure," said Neptune. "Some new power maybe?"

Saturn closed her eyes for a moment and then smiled. She thought she might know what it was, but said nothing. Then another loud, percussive blast came from somewhere further in. Sailor Pluto was still fighting something, somewhere. As a second blast dindled the cave, Uranus said, "Let's go."

* * *

'_What?'_ thought the Ravager. He had nearly overwhelmed the garnet-eyed Senshi by attacking her with a vision of a cockroach horde in which the insects kept getting bigger and bigger, but something had just forcibly driven him out of a good deal of the island. _'It cannot be,'_ he thought quickly abandoning his attack on her. He had better find out right away.

Sailor Pluto's hands clung to her Garnet Rod as if to a rope that was keeping her from falling into deepest hell. She had tried to remember that this must be another illusion, but she was shaking badly from what she had seen, and was even more rattled where that the horde of 'hellspawn' had suddenly disappeared. She heard clattering sounds and voices to her right, and whirled to see three more of the abominations coming up another corridor of the cavern toward her. These three seemed to be walking on their back legs and beckoning to her, but she wasn't about to be fooled.

"Dead Scream … ," she said with a calmness that completely belied her present terror.

* * *

"Oh hell!" yelled Sailor Uranus. "Look out!" The three Senshi jumped aside as the violet-fringed blast of energy sheared the air of the cave and began a slow, drawn-out impacting behind them. The cave shook, and they shouted to her to hold her fire, but all Sailor Pluto saw was three human sized cockroaches coming toward her and reaching for her. Then, two of them assumed defensive stances, but the other went down on all fours (?) and started speaking clearly to her.

"Pluto, it's just us. Please, don't fire. Please …"

It set something on the ground – was that the Silence Glaive?- and raised its forelegs placatively to her.

"Please, Pluto - no, Setsuna-momma … it's just me. It's okay," it said, getting closer and closer. God, if it did not sound like Hotaru. It had to be a deception. Yet, she held her fire until it was right in front of her. She gulped, and closed her eyes. It was reaching for her head.

"Please. You're seeing things. You're seeing what he wants you to see. Trust me. Trust the sound of my voice."

She let it touch her face, and felt human hands. She opened her eyes. It was Sailor Saturn, smiling and surrounded by a pinkish aura, flooding her mind with peace.

"_Whew_ … ," said Sailor Neptune, as she and Uranus relaxed their defensive posture.

* * *

Kuryakin was running as best he could across the island. The residual energies from the Senshis' magical attacks were easy to see and follow. He would join them as quickly as he could but somewhere down the line, he was going to have to take a breather, the burning desire in his heart to 'lock on' to the enemy notwithstanding. He wasn't too worried about the enemy running this time. He was up to something here, and would have to stand and fight. The red glow in his heart flared at the thought of that. To call it a 'lust for battle' would miss the point. Poverty was the 'bride' of Francis of Assisi, a man who would never settle for any riches but those of Heaven. Wandering was the 'bride' of Ennosh the Traveler, who would not rest until he found 'the world all wished for' or died trying. And so, until the last enemy was conquered, Battle was the bride of Oyarasi-Malacandra. Ever since that day when he stood alone against The Bent One, and learned that indeed, it is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog, the Oyarsa of the Red Planet watched with eyes always looking to the horizon, in the direction from whence his peril last came.

'_That's got to be why I am having trouble landing correctly when the enemy is close.'_

These Outer Planet Senshi had a similar swagger to them, eyes looking outward, looking for signs of intruders, daring enemies to come to this place. He admired their fearlessness and devotion, but it was a feeling he could never quite enjoy the way they did.

He thought about the Inner Planet Senshi waiting for news. In retrospect, that was a very pleasant meeting. Like any genuinely pleasant thing, it was finest in the remembering. How sweet was the aroma of camaraderie and unity among those charming ladies. Each one was very different, but all were of one heart. Though he had always, by necessity, fought the Ravagers alone, there was a lot to be said for teamwork, and for someone watching your back, compensating for your weaknesses. If he weren't so drained, he would try to send a quick message to that pretty _miko_, but all he could do was whisper a blessing for her abilities, and vow under his breath:

'_Rest assured, Miss Hino, Funny Bunny and company. On my life, the enemy will get no further in its plans.'_

Suddenly he knew he was being watched. He smiled grimly. The enemy knew he was here.

'_Surprise!'_

* * *

The Ravager shook with fury. How had he found this place? They had been meticulous to a fault in covering their tracks, as they gathered the materials for The Plan. They had been ruthless and flawless in co-opting or threatening only those of this world needed to bring it to fruition.

The use of the Node Point Homing Beacon to take the others left no residuals to follow. He had cleverly diverted him to a far away place while he took these Earth Guardians. He had even caught the attempt of the Hated One to plant a homing beacon on the little one, and laughed at the thought of how his face would look when he found it left behind. Often, it took the Hated One months, even years, to puzzle out how, exactly, his kind were operating in a world, and how to find and defeat them. Now, in a mere two days, he had figured it out? Had he simply been surprisingly lucky in stumbling upon their major centers of operations?

Surely, it had something to do with these Earth Guardians. He began drawing on reserve energies, energies he had stolen from them. Recapturing them was of utmost importance now. Then he would combine their powers with his own to battle the Hated One. He collapsed the hole where the others had entered. The Hated One had to be at least a little winded and that would slow him down.

* * *

For the first time since arriving here, the Outer Planet Senshi could take stock of where they were. As they moved deeper into the underground complex, they began to smell a lingering stench of death.

"I wonder what happened to the workers here," said Saturn as they moved carefully looking for a sign of the enemy.

Further in, they found out. Here and there, a face or two, or more, peered up out of the shallow pools. They were already decomposing, and nature's many scavengers were furthering the process. Neptune could sense that most of them had been pulled into the depths. From the few bodies that hadn't been, I was clear that they had died at each others hands or by their own.

Back the way they came, they heard a rumbling.

"I think he's blocking our exit," said Uranus, but Saturn wondered if it wasn't more about keeping something else out. She wasn't sure though.

* * *

Kuryakin heard a rumbling coming from the far side of the volcanic dome over the next rise. He headed for the sound. He had hoped there were some well-hidden above ground facilities where he might find potable water and a bit of food to give him some energy. Apparently, everything was underground. They had hidden their work well.

* * *

Inside the dome, the Ravager refocused his attention on the four Senshi with a vengeance. The low thrumming of the machinery located somewhere within began to get louder. The Ravager infused himself into the cavern walls and began to cause sections of them to resonate sympathetically until the sound became deafening. Saturn needed only a few moments to understand what was happening and why he was doing this: it was trying to prevent a coordinated defense among the Senshi. She tried to explain this, but her voice was lost in the din. The water of the small lake within the dome began churning as black shadows slid from walls into the water. She could tell he was about to try and take them. All of them were in defensive stances. Waves of pressure began hitting them, and threatened to render them unconscious. More out of desperation than anything, Saturn tried thinking instead of speaking. It didn't seem to be working, but then Neptune looked directly at her with a bit of surprise in her expression. She could hear what Saturn was thinking. Then Uranus could hear it too.

'_He has infused himself into the very rock of this cavern; we must drive him from it.' _

Uranus smiled at Neptune, and then seemed to be communicating with her telepathically, for she got out her talisman. The superb mirror was about to prove its worth yet again. She could see the resonance points on the cavern walls, and pointed. Uranus fired, and then Pluto who did not hear Saturn's telepathic suggestion but nevertheless understood, fired also. The impact clearly affected the Ravager, who roared as though struck in a very sensitive place. Neptune continued to serve as 'fire control director' and after a few more volleys, the sound stopped very suddenly and there were many splashing sounds as though pieces of the walls were falling into the water. Uranus and Neptune both looked at Saturn quizzically, wondering how she – and they!- had done that. Saturn was wondering why they, but not Pluto could now hear each others thoughts.

Suddenly, many tendrils of blackened water came out of the lake, aiming for each of them. The first ones to hit slammed the elder Senshi against the wall. Sailor Saturn was a smaller target, and had managed to dodge the attack. Now a second wave of them came out, much more solid in form, and sought to bind them again. The three elder Senshi were sprawled out resting up against the wall of the cave in various, slightly disfigured poses. She landed amidst them and raised her Silence Glaive over her head. "Silent Wall!" she hollered. The black tendrils slammed against the wall and then dissipated.

Finally, the Ravager took a solid, localized form: it looked like a demonic brute of a warrior in full armor, but encrusted in what looked like cooled lava with cracks where the warmer magma shone through. It was huge and thundered up out of the water carrying a weapon of some sort in one hand. He wielded it like a sword but there were none of the graces of that weapon in the thing he held. It was more like a long pointed stalactite ripped from the cavern ceiling. With a few strides, he was upon the stunned Senshi huddled behind Saturn. Then like a child mounting a pogo stick, he placed all his considerable heft on it, and began driving it into and through Saturn's Silent Wall.

"Littlest one," said a calm if gravelly voice in Saturn's head. "It is time for us to speak. You and I are much alike: both destroyers of form, despisers of the illusion of order and permanence, both …"

"No," she yelled aloud, though her best instincts told her not to respond at all. "I am not like you. You live only to spite and destroy. I believe that the perfect will come. I know what you are trying to do, but it won't work. You will not get through."

He was trying to break her focus. By sheer determination, she amplified her shield, and the needle sharp point of the Ravager's spike, which was five inches from her face before she halted it, was driven back. The Ravager shifted his weight up and down upon it, trying to drive it back in again, when suddenly there was a bright light to its left. A whole section of the cavern wall gave way. Then, like the head lamp of a train coming through a tunnel, the beam of light focused on the Ravager. Something brilliant white came out of the opening in the cavern wall and was quickly upon him. He was immediately thrown back.

The Ravager quickly changed shape, and for the next few minutes, the strangest fight ensued. It was as if two impossibly long serpents, one made of white light and one made of pitch black darkness contended, each writhing and trying to out-twist the other. At the end, it seemed as if the black one was about to succeed, when, in a sudden reversal accompanied by another brilliant flash, the white one encircled it completely and then the two were forcibly thrown apart from each other. The Ravager had returned to his previous form, and now the Senshi could see Peter Kuryakin, with eyes of blazing red and dressed in a white, fairly loose fitting tunic and slightly baggy pants, confronting the far larger opponent. An expression of blackest fury on its face, the Ravager moved ponderously trying to smash him with its stalactite-like bludgeon, but with something like a smile on his face, he moved like a cat, dodging each swipe.

The battle continued for several minutes, and then seemed to be reaching a 'cadence point.' The Ravager had forced Kuryakin into tighter quarters and it looked as if he would finally get a good hit on him, but then something appeared in Kuryakin's hand. Or rather, it didn't appear but it was there nonetheless. Something was blocking the Ravager's weapon. Kuryakin parried his opponent's thrusts again and again, with an expression of utter calm on his face. Sailor Pluto now understood what, exactly, Kuryakin was training for during his morning runs. Whether the ground was flat or corrugated, his feet were quicker than the eyes could follow, and utterly sure. Sailor Uranus stood up. She wanted to help him if she could but they were both moving quite fast now.

"A master," she muttered under her breath.

"A genius even," said Neptune.

"That's seven decades of experience you're seeing, Mina-san," said Saturn. "I wonder how good we'll be in seventy years."

The battle was coming very close to the Senshi, now. Sailor Saturn could see the thing in Kuryakin's hands, sort of. Its borders could be seen only when it was stationary and only as distortions of the surrounding cavern. It was long and sword-shaped, about seven centimeters wide but razor thin on the cutting side, and when she saw that impossibly narrow cross section head on, in her minds eye, she could see the light of which he spoke that night they sat in his van talking. The sword was not made of metal or even energy. It was as if it had been fashioned as a container for that unstoppable light. She understood now, why the Ravager eyed that sword that couldn't be seen so warily. He had never talked to her of how he fought, but she knew intuitively that whatever weapons he used, at the denouement of any of his battles that sword was used to dispatch the enemy.

The Ravager managed to get a hit on his upper left arm, and for a moment, she could see that Kuryakin was armored, but unless struck, the armor was invisible. From the momentary glimpse, it looked very ornate and … flexible. One other thing she noticed: sometimes his eyes were bright blue, and always when glancing around at the surroundings. Then they would quickly shift back to red. Now, as Kuryakin parried another stroke from the Ravager, he reared back a fist, his eyes turned a color she could not name, and his whole arm began to vibrate like the prong of a tuning fork. Then he lunged and punched him right in the face. For all his present size, the Ravager was sent flying all the way across the cavern and down into a magma tube. When he hit the end, the thud may have shaken the whole island.

Kuryakin then spun around and said loudly, "all right, that's enough! I've GOT to have a breather!" The other eyed him strangely for a moment, and then realized he wasn't talking to them. Kuryakin collapsed to all fours, and his white clothes turned into what he had been wearing that morning. He rolled to one side, his eyes spinning dizzily, and he was breathing in deep groans as if he'd just run a marathon flat out.

"You shouldn't lie down after exerting yourself like that," said Saturn with a smirk, reaching a hand to him.

She understood now what this did to his body. In a fight, the Oyarses essentially 'possessed' him. They had his permission to do so. It was clearly a partnership, not so much a coercion, but such was the agreement Peter Kuryakin made seventy years ago.

"We should get after him," said Uranus. "He should be easy to hit in that tube."

"Won't … do you … any good," said Kuryakin, his breathing beginning to relax a little. "He's not there … He will have … 'melted away' … to recover somewhere. Don't worry though. He'll be back. And soon, too."

Peter Kuryakin looked up at them, and in this brief respite, could not help but be moved by the sight of these four nature goddesses in their sailor _fuku _outfits, standing tall and proud, beautiful as the spring dawn, 'one equal temper of heroic hearts' in 'mini-skirts and go-go boots,' ready for the fight. They were already scuffed up, but that did not diminish the beauty in the least. In some ways, it even added to it.

Sailor Uranus's uniform was dark blue where it wasn't white, except for the yellow bow on her breast. She wore a pair of short boots of doubtful efficacy in enhancing agility - in any normal situation. Her bare legs were toned and athletic. Her expression was tough and confident, her eyes fierce and intelligent under the short blond hair. And yet the underlying casualness wasn't swallowed up by it. He'd never seen this particular Senshi in a fight before, but wouldn't have doubted that she was the stoic sort who could make jokes even during the moments of greatest duress in a battle. Given what he knew of her civilian counterpart's sartorial persuasions, he wondered how comfortable she was with a battle uniform that was made to accentuate the female form of the wearer in no uncertain terms. In any case, she wore it well.

Sailor Neptune was born to be seen like this. Her wavy, aqua hair blended seamlessly into the darker ocean blues of her uniform. Her legs were more tapered than well-muscled Uranus'. He wondered if that only made her quicker, though again, the shoes, which looked like something that one wore to a ballroom, not a battle, were iffy. Her eyes were icy, with a coldness her civilian persona only hinted at. In this moment, Kuryakin now understood the _'oceanic'_ nature of her personality. It had an emotional "thermocline": a place where warmth quickly gave way to coldness, just as the surface of the ocean is warm, but the crushing depths are cold. Occasionally, the warm layer atop went quite deep, and that was, surely, always nice when it happened. He was not faulting this; merely noting it. In a way, it must be difficult being her, but she bore it well. Perhaps the underlying coldness was a necessary condition for that. At any rate, she was gloriously pretty, and somehow managed a combination of delicacy, elegance and refinement without in the least suggesting she was weak. A steel magnolia, Americans would call her. It was an amazing thing to see in person.

Better still was his first good look at Sailor Saturn. The violet colors of her uniform matched her eyes. The maroon bows set off the violets well. The calf-length, lace-up boots struck an odd chord, as did the out-sized weapon she carried. He'd already seen some of how well she handled it, but he wondered if she would be too upset to be told it looked like a big can opener. In her case, though, the uniform and accoutrements were almost incidental. She was the smallest of them, but hers was the most fearsome presence, made so not by clothing, expression or posture but by simply being who she was. To look at her was not something for the faint of heart, but his was no faint heart. He liked helping troubled people, because he knew that in many ways, it was an indication of a great strength coupled with a near-debilitating and often humbling weakness. He sought to help such people through their weaknesses so that their great strengths would not be lost to their fellow men. Though it he thought of it in a way appropriate between a father and daughter -for more and more he could not help but see her that way - he saw that she was, indeed, beautiful.

But he was a man in love, so even _that_ first look took second place to his first look at Sailor Pluto. Her uniform struck him as odd with its black skirt and collar, velveteen garnet bows, and emerald tinted hair, but it worked. Anything would have probably worked on her, so smitten was he. She stood there, eying him imperiously, her glare full of challenge, holding out her garnet rod as she did when she'd stood constant watch over the Time Gate. Still like this, she was a statue perfect in form and execution; but through his Oyaresu enhanced powers of perception, he had seen some of the preceding fight, and in movement, she was like a doe dashing along a mountain side, agile, powerful and beautiful. The emerald hair sometimes tracked with and accentuated the movements of her head, and at other times fanned out like peacock's train setting off her lithe form, the willowy arms, the full-breasted, yet petite upper body, her long, strong beautiful legs. He was already gone for her, but way her beauty shown now was overwhelming. Never one to complain, at this moment he hated the very fact that they weren't alone, and that things had not yet worked between them, for now he longed, while she was in this form, to risk the ire in her flaming garnet eyes, and the dangerous power of her attacks, to seize her from behind and whisper sweetly to her. Ah, the unstoppable nature of his thoughts about her that came into his head no matter the circumstances.

"So tell me something," he finally said, chuckling. "Running fast in those shoes: is that all part of the magic?"

All four of them nodded, though each had a different expression: Uranus's confident, 'you betcha' smirk, Neptune and Saturn with tiny, amused smiles, and Pluto wholly unimpressed by this attempt at wit.

"Well, you all look so … _ahem_, impressive. And cute. Well, … _cough_… more than cute, much, much more. I wouldn't be surprised to find out a man designed those outfits. If I speak offensively, I am sorry. I mean no disrespect, but they are … appealing."

He stood up. "So then, we are doing well. You got him to solidify. That's half the battle."

Then he coughed into his hand.

"The other _90 percent_ is killing him."

Uranus stepped forward.

"You should let us handle this," she said boldly. "It's an outside threat to this earth."

Kuryakin rested his hands on his hips.

"That would be interesting to watch, Tenoh-sa … erm, sorry, Sailor Uranus," he said, with a slight bow. "But we have problem. This one's a splitter."

They looked at him, puzzled for a moment, but Saturn quickly understood.

"There are two of them," she said.

"Yeah, more or less" said Kuryakin. "I realized it when I hit him. Half of him –at the very least- is definitely 'somewhere else'."

"I was wondering who triggered whatever they used to capture us when he was drawing you off," said Saturn. "Some real-time targeting must've been involved, and the people here have been dead for a day at least."

"Exactly," Kuryakin said, as he smiled that 'clever girl' smile, "and my guess is we haven't seen his worse half because it's guarding that 'whatever.' Which means we still haven't gotten to the bottom of this. We must find it and destroy it as quickly as … oops, he's coming again."

Sure enough, there was movement down one of the sub-caverns.

"Okay," he said, getting up and walking toward a side cavern where he saw some metal sheds, "if you all will keep softening him up for me, I'm going to go get a drink, find a quick bite, and relieve myself. Then we'll all get on with this."

Sailor Uranus might not have minded, but the others looked at him with a _'you're leaving now?'_ look. He disappeared around a corner, and then poked his head back around.

"Hotar … - sorry, Sailor Saturn, don't argue with them. The moment you do, you have admitted the inadmissible and given up half your ground."

Then he disappeared and reappeared again.

"Oh," he said, pointing at the onrushing enemy. "And it's not a good idea to let him get up a head of steam like that, especially in such an enclosed area."


	35. Chapter 09 Part 6

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 009 – **_**Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum**_

**(Part 6)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

Love is not an attribute, but an event.

_**- Franz Rosenzweig**_

* * *

Several loud percussive sounds followed as Peter Kuryakin walked toward the sheds. After he took care of his _most _urgent need, he rummaged around in them for potable water and a bite to eat. He found a few dusty gallon bottles of water in a portable kitchen. A few were still sealed so he opened one of them and started chugging it. As for food, thrift was apparently the order of the day and the pantries were all empty. As more sounds of the battle could be heard, he spotted a vending machine outside of what looked like an office. Its lights were on and the machine was humming, open for business. Kuryakin reached in to his pocket. He had no coins. He pulled out his wallet. The machine took dollars, and he only had Japanese currency. Then he remembered 'his first dollar.'

When he came to this world, he needed a way to make money fast. He had landed in England, and after working a few odd jobs, he heard about a 'game show' in America called "Jeopardy!" He made his way there on a tramp tanker and after establishing a fake identity, he was able to get on the show. Being new here, he had a little bit of trouble when pop culture categories, about which he knew next to nothing, came up. He cleaned up in the hard knowledge categories though, and had won four days running. He was going for his fifth and a guaranteed shot at the Tournament of Champions, but that day the Final Jeopardy category was "Motown." When he cashed his check – and discovered the glories of confiscatory taxation as well as the rather scary phrase 'You're not an illegal alien, are you?'- he ended up with a very untidy amount which included a single dollar as the final digit. He kept that dollar as a memento.

But this was an emergency. He got it out, and inserted it into the cash slot. It went in halfway but then the machine kicked it back out. He tried again. No luck. He straightened the bill out on a corner of the machine. Nothing. He reoriented the bill. Zilch. He rapped the machine hard, and tried again. Nope.

'_What am I doing?'_ he said as he put the dollar back in his wallet and smashed the vending machine open.

The sounds of the battle seemed to be coming from further down in the cavern. Apparently, the Senshi were still doing well. He ate a couple of chocolate bars and then set to work on some packages with little tins of chicken salad and crackers. When he finished them off, he was about to take another deep drink but then stopped in the middle of it.

"A full mongoose is a slow mongoose," he said, cracking his knuckles as his eyes turned red. "Now then …"

* * *

As Kuryakin arrived on the scene, he was nearly knocked off his feet by Sailor Uranus as she slid along the ground after taking a wicked hit. She looked up at him, her eyes glassy and unfocused.

"Teno-, …eh, sorry, Uranus, are you familiar with the old Spanish school of sword fighting called _La Destreza_ ? Circles within circles that you must master?"

"Vaguely," she nodded groggily, as she reached for her talisman.

"Think of it in three dimensions. This is a very strong one, and he puts up a good show, but – if I may make a suggestion? – you can get 'inside his inner sphere.' You're fast enough to keep him off his balance, if you move quickly enough. He knows this. That's why he's defending his outer sphere so vehemently."

Uranus regained her feet as Neptune distracted him and Pluto slipped behind him and fired. Her Chronos Typhoon was particularly effective, eliciting a roar from the enemy that dindled the whole cavern. He turned on Pluto swinging madly at her, and she parried him with the Garnet Rod, barely escaping, while Saturn came around and slashed at his lower extremities with the Glaive. This elicited more roars. Sailor Uranus now understood a bit of what Kuryakin meant.

"Get me 'inside'?" she asked, looking at Kuryakin with a slight smirk.

He nodded, and they both leapt at the enemy. The Ravager was still three times their size, but he wasn't as big as before. It swung hard trying to catch Kuryakin mid-jump, and as it did Sailor Uranus rushed in from ground level, and with a careful eye on the enemy's weapon, began firing her sword blaster at point blank range. It successfully pushed Kuryakin aside, but then roared again as Uranus's attack hit him. It swung violently at her, but she moved her feet deftly and pressed the attack.

Then something happened that Kuryakin half expected. Like squid discharging ink to escape a predator, the Ravager began oozing noxious black smoke that filled the cavern, and then summoned some more reserve energy, igniting the smoke and sending out a shock wave that caught them all, and flung them into the surrounding walls. The smoke burned very inefficiently and left an acrid, poisonous stench. Kuryakin righted himself quickly and yelled, "get clear! He's trying to foul the air, so you can't breath." He and Pluto helped Saturn up, and Uranus had to all but carry Neptune as they ran from that cavern, into the next one. The Ravager staggered after them, but its combination escape maneuver / attack had been exhausted and the foul air was trapped in the other cavern. Everyone was winded, and Saturn was coughing, having caught a bit of the gas. The Ravager squared off with them, his mind on splitting them up again.

"You should not have struck me, Arkhon. Touch is knowledge, as you say. I have seen into you now. I see know how you found me. Yes, we shall deal with those others too, very shortly."

'_We? Shortly?'_ thought Kuryakin. That sounded ominous. But _that_ was impossible. _'No way they could do that with earth's level of technology. He's got to be bluffing.'_

"Be silent!" he said. "I've no intention of arguing with you. Uranus-tachi, you'd best get down there and destroy what they've built."

Sailor Uranus was starting to understand what concerned him, and motioned for the others to head out, as Kuryakin placed himself directly between them and the enemy.

"I assure you it is well guarded," said the Ravager, who could sense a bit of uncertainty in him.

"I'll join you as soon as I send him where he belongs," he called after them.

"Where I belong? You dare to judge me, Arkhon? Judge yourself first," he said haughtily.

"Silence! I won't tell you again."

"And what of her," he said, thrusting his weapon in Pluto's direction. "How dare you judge me and not her? She is young, yet ancient, her power to destroy will far exceed even mine. Yet your heart is toward her. You desire her as you desire your next heartbeat. Have you not seen into her with those much seeing eyes of yours? But you have seen into her, haven't you?"

"Pluto, this way," yelled Sailor Uranus. But she wanted to hear this.

"Have you forgotten your copybook moralisms?" the Ravager sneered, his words directed at Kuryakin, but his eyes fixed on the Garnet Guardian. "The sweeter the apple, the more rotten the core? I nearly had her completely, but something else is at work in her, something that desires her as much as you do. If I had been the stronger - and I would have been, had I not been divided - I would have overwhelmed it."

"He's trying to stall us," said Sailor Neptune. "Come, Pluto…"

"But in time, she'll be far more fit for me than for you," he said, leering at her lasciviously. "Indeed, we shall get along just fine."

"Enough! For her sake, I have gone against my own rule, and engaged in colloquy with you. You see only what you want to see. To the pure, all things are pure; to the impure, nothing is. She was stronger than you thought, and she will prove stronger still. You, who despise the tongues of angels; from you shall the tongues even of men be taken away."

Then he shouted something in an unknown tongue and the Ravager was thrown back as if the word itself had a power of its own. Now only gibberish came out of his mouth, and this seemed to enrage him even more.

"You should go," he said softly to Pluto. "I'll finish this. Your opponent is down there."

* * *

As the four Outer Planet Senshi headed toward the increasingly loud mechanical sound somewhere up ahead, Pluto wondered just what the enemy was referring to, this inner strength that had defended her against his attempts to get control of her. Or was it a "strength" at all? _'The sweeter the apple, the more rotten the core?'_ Why could she herself not see this thing?

Saturn worried about Kuryakin. He was a big man, yet next to the enemy, he seemed so tiny. She knew as well as anyone that size was of little account in reckoning power, and he had been doing this for a long time. How many times had these enemies thrown something new at him? Yet he had clearly come through each fight, scarred perhaps, but never beaten. He must have many stories to tell. Still, she could not shake the feeling that terrible things were about to happen, and that she, and she alone, might make all the difference. But how? All she could do was destroy everything wholesale.

She could give no further thought to this. Sailor Uranus blasted a huge metal door off its hinges, and as they went through it, they entered the huge central chamber. They could see the machine now. And almost as quickly, they couldn't. They had caught a quick look at a superstructure about thirty feet high, with rows of those transmission modules up and down the length, and there was something inside that could be seen in the spaces, but then a translucent black wall went up around it, followed by two more in succession completely obscuring the device. Thousands of spines appeared on the outer wall, and then with a whoosh, they were under attack from them. Saturn and Pluto jumped forward and threw up their Silent Wall and Garnet Ball defensive shields. The spines impacted and penetrated to an alarming depth before being stopped.

Neptune quickly got out her mirror, and looked for a weak spot. There didn't seem to be one. Uranus told Pluto and Saturn to keep their shields up, and get her and Neptune closer. A second wave of spines pelted toward them and was barely stopped. Then Neptune thought she could see a seam in the first wall.

"Submarine Reflection!" she yelled. For a moment, the wall faded out, and she and Uranus went inside.

"Quick, find the weak spot in the next wall," said Uranus as they both dashed around the perimeter.

"It doesn't have one," she said, with some alarm. The outer wall came up again, and this time the spines were on the inside facing them. Then spines appeared on wall behind them and both walls began moving together.

"Damn," muttered Uranus under her breath. "We sure fell for that one …"

Then Neptune's mirror highlighted a couple of cables coming into the transmission arrays from outside the walls. She pointed to them, and Saturn and Pluto looked at each other, and then they both followed the cables, which led to a series of generators, the very ones that had been culled from the carved up tramp tankers. Pluto fired her "Dead Scream" at them. The outer shadow wall collapsed, freeing Uranus and Neptune, and then it reformed around the cables and power plants just in time to deflect Pluto's attack.

Suddenly, a shower of spines from the second wall fired at Sailor Neptune. Sailor Uranus got between her and them, and tried to stop the attack with her "World shaking" attack, but some got through, grazing them both. If they had not fully understood before, they did now: this shield was alive. As if the realization somehow improved their eye sight, they could now see two angry yellow eyes atop the shield walls, and the walls themselves resolved into a thick serpentine coils protecting the device like a snake protecting a clutch of eggs.

They took cover for the moment. As Saturn helped heal the injuries to Uranus and Neptune, the question crossed the back of her mind: Am I going to have to do it again?

* * *

Kuryakin was taking hits now too. That was to be expected. So far, this one had not shown him 'anything new,' but boy was he strong. The Ravager had not been toying with them, by any means, but only now did he bring all his strength into play. He didn't want to think about how much stronger he would be if the Ravager were not in a divided state. The Ravager had shaken off the curse of Babel that had shut him up, and was trying to bait him again with caustic comments, and threats about what he would do to all those who helped Kuryakin find him. To keep his mind calm in the face of this attempt at psychological warfare, Kuryakin thought about the many good things that happened here, even those things before he had met Setsuna Meioh, Hotaru Tomoe and The Kittens. This was as much a source of strength as anything, and one the Ravager would never guess, nor understand if he could. Utterly calm in the center of a storm of movement -thrusts and parries, leaps and dodges- he conserved his power, and forced the enemy to expend his. This fight might have lasted for weeks, but the Ravager, forced to defend this specific place, could not run. Kuryakin could tell now, the enemy was biding his time, trying to delay long enough for "something" to happen. The thought that he might not be bluffing chilled Kuryakin's heart. He would have to accelerate his attack, but there were ways of doing that without giving up too much.

One-on-one like this, Kuryakin had to be relentless anyway. As it always did, there came a moment when his training made all the difference, and the enemy began to realize that this man would never stop coming at him and had no real fear of losing. Once perhaps he did have such fears, but not anymore. His energy was never greater than any of theirs, except that over the long haul, it was inexhaustible, and he could wear down any opponent no matter how strong. That moment had come. The Ravager "glitched," as he called it, showed a moment where his aggressive posture sagged, he seemed near collapse, and he lost more of his size. From there, it was now a matter of never letting up.

'_It must be the head, above the hood,'_ he smiled grimly. _'And once I'm there, I must never … let ... go …'_

* * *

Concentrated fire from the three elder Senshi had broken through the second wall, and the enemy resorted again to fouling the air, but this time Sailor Pluto was ready. As the acrid black smoke began filling the room, she fired the Chronos Typhoon, arcing its trajectory so that it began sucking up all the smoke, degrading it by accelerated entropy. The angry yellow eyes appeared again atop the coiled wall, and beams lanced out from them, hitting Pluto before the Garnet Rod could react to protect her. She screamed from the hit and her body was thrown back as Saturn jumped in front to cover her.

At that moment, there was a great commotion to their left. A boiling black cloud sailed into the chamber, with Kuryakin in the midst of it. He was literally throttling the Ravager. His hands glowed as lightning sparks flew from, or were drawn to, them. The Ravager was a long, twisting column of smoke, thrashing about, cart-whipping Kuryakin around trying to break his hold, and, for a few moments, it did -for all the world- look like a cobra trying to throw off a mongoose. They sailed off into a chamber father down, as Saturn and Uranus carried Pluto around a corner.

Down the way, they heard a whiny, pleading voice. The Ravager was beaten and its counterpart / other half had no more power to give him. From what little they could make out, the enemy was begging for Kuryakin to withhold. It was saying how he was almost like them, almost one of them, and how it was not fair that he alone had been given grace, and that it was sorry for all the wrongs it had done. They heard Kuryakin say clear as day, "if you mean that, the light will not harm you. I did good work here, and it seems like no matter what, there is always something that comes along to taint it. But I don't believe for a minute that it's all some zero sum game where everything has to balance out at the end. Nor do I believe it is something inside me. It is something inside you. Pride, envy, I don't care what it is, I am going to send you into the hell you have dug for yourself, and you should be grateful to me that I didn't let you dig it deeper."

Then they heard a slashing sound and they knew _that_ enemy was done.

* * *

Sailor Uranus wasn't about to be one-upped. As Sailor Saturn tended Pluto, she ran back into the cavern where the machine was, and though the yellow eyes atop the coiled defensive shield fired again and again at her, she parried the beams with her sword. Neptune followed her, mirror in hand. As Uranus continued to dodge yet close with enemy, she screamed to Neptune, "Show me where to strike!"

"You are too late," hissed a sepulchral, vaguely feminine voice. The persistent low humming of the machine gave way to the sounds of it powering up. Lights along the human-built transmission array began flashing in sequence, and the thing within them came to life as well. Then the sounds gave way to a vaguer, but much deeper rumbling that seemed to be coming from outside as well as inside.

"Uranus, the power cables!" hollered Neptune, and Uranus sailed into the air, swing her sword in a mighty overhead arc, and landing firmly astride the cables, she slammed the sword through the blackness shielding them, and cut them. Sparks traveled in both directions, setting fire to them. The resulting overload and cause to the transmission module array to burst into flame, showers of sparks raining down like fireworks.

"Still too late," the sibilant voice hissed again.

Sailor Pluto seemed to be recovering from the hit she'd taken, so Saturn went around the corner and saw Uranus and Neptune firing again and again at the remaining shield wall. With every hit, it winked out momentarily, and then reappeared, though it was clearly diminished with each hit. Then, suddenly flushed with its own self-contained power, the green cylinder within the burning transmission array, flashed and a greenish burst of energy blasted out and sailed through the top of the volcanic dome. It smashed a large hole in it, but little light came in.

'_Curious. It's still daylight, isn't it?,'_ thought Saturn, as she made up her mind about something. She had done this once before –with help. Actually, it was more by accident. When she and Chibi-usa fought against Nehellenia, she had made up her mind that all was lost, and was going to end it all, when Chibiusa prevented her. Precisely at the moment the Glaive activated, she was able to pull back, and, though it still released an incredible amount of power, it had not destroyed the world. She wondered now if she could do it again, and on her own.

Uranus and Neptune turned to see Saturn walking into view holding the Glaive vertically in front of her. Both of them gasped, and looked quite terrified.

"Saturn, no!" came the voice of Pluto from behind her. "The situation is not that dire."

"A little trust, please. Get clear, my sister guardians," was all she said. With a serene look, she lowered it, lightly tapping the ground, and then pulled back. The shock wave completely shook the island.

"Well, okay, that was a bit much," she said, when the scene cleared and she could see the others holding their ears as if they'd been over-pressured by the blast. Whatever was left of their enemy was killed instantly. A great crater was pressed several feet into cavern floor, and the superstructure holding up the transmission array collapsed. Off to the left, the generators that had powered the array were thrown against the cavern walls and crushed like tin cans. And yet, in the center of the rubble, as water filled in around it, the green cylinder was askew but untouched, and still activated.

Kuryakin emerged from the side cavern where he had killed the Ravager and stared with utter shock at it. It was the first time Saturn had ever seen real fear in his eyes.

'_W__hat was it those people Tenoh-san overheard said? They are coming? They are already here in some way?' _

There is was: the answer to the mystery. He recognized it at once. It was called a node point delineator, a homing beacon. In order to create a corridor, the Oyarandrans found it useful to send an automated beacon to find a favorable location in the local space time fabric and set up a homing signal that could be seen and targeted from a galaxy away. This cylinder was one of the numerous such automated probes fired scattershot into a galaxy for that purpose. Those that failed to find one –or failed for any reason, were supposed to self-destruct. This one clearly had not. It was an older model, in use when the Oyarandrans first began to take a peak at other galaxies, forty of their years before Peter Kuryakin was even born. It showed some damage, which probably explained why it had failed to function properly, and why the human built, transmission array was needed. Creating a useable homing signal took a good deal of "dialing in" with transmission arrays of ever increasing delicacy and accuracy. The first tier of arrays had obviously failed, and had to be retrofitted with the best earth technology could manage. It had been enough. The signal had been sent, and the finer "dialing in" was in progress.

How or where the earth humans first found it, he did not know. They themselves probably did not know what they had, though they surely had deduced it was of alien origin. Somehow, they managed to get a signal going and made contact not with his people, but with them. They did the rest, even to the point of finding a way to possess earth humans through it. It would not surprise him to find some sort of 'cult' had risen up around it and what it represented. The fight had only just begun. The enemy was coming _en masse_. Quite possibly, it would be all of them, for he had done his work well, and made the Andromeda Galaxy a very inhospitable place for them.

"Destroy it!" Kuryakin bellowed as he ran toward it. "Now!" The weapon that appeared in his hands this time was quite visible. It was a long pike, shiny, but smoky in color as though it was plated with black titanium. The three elder Senshi were about to fire, but pulled up short when Kuryakin ran in front of them in order to jump up on the cylinder.

"Destroy it!" he screamed again, as he sought to drive the pike into the top of the beacon. "Don't you understand? They're coming! Maybe all of them!"

Apparently, it was a rule of his way of fighting that he must always come to close quarters, even to grips, with anything he was destroying. Sailor Saturn liked that, for it meant that he would never "destroy from afar" but always face the situation and see it clearly before taking such drastic action. But what would happen if they destroyed it, while he was atop? Surely, he would be killed? Saturn had already made up her mind –she would do no such thing!- and now in the midst of this, she was watching to see how Uranus and Neptune would react. That moment when they had turned on her and Pluto in the battle against Galaxia was never far from her mind, it seemed. Perhaps it had been more traumatic than any of them could admit. Every time they went in to a fight, the worry that it might again be necessary to do that again loomed over them now. Kuryakin was working his pike into the cylinder and seemed to be calling down lightning to assist in its destruction, as sparks of many hues streamed from it.

"Fire, dammit!" he screamed still. "Don't worry about me. This is what your _miko_ friend saw, all hell breaking lose … literally! What is wrong with you? FIRE!"

"I … can't," said Neptune. "I don't know why … but I can't."

Uranus smiled at her. She was having trouble too. _'What was it about this guy?'_

Saturn couldn't quite explain why, at first, but she was glad. Even with a fate arguably worse than The Silence hanging over them, it seemed they had learned that turning against each other, even if it was feigned, simply wouldn't work. They had somehow allowed this stranger in to their hearts, and now, he was so sufficiently one with them that they could not contemplate risking his death, even if it meant a terrible fate. And then she knew why she was so glad. For the first time, Sailor Saturn understood just how much it had hurt Uranus and Neptune to feign betrayal. They had not done it lightly, and she knew that. But sometimes it seemed they had done it too easily. In fact, it may have been the worst moment of their lives. Even succeeding would have made it no less painful. She could feel that pain, that dreadful moment when they realized they had failed and they could feel their souls sinking into the hell of that failure. It had hurt more than she could know, for their only solace was that they went down together. She nearly wept for the realization. The love she once felt for them had been damaged, but now it was healed and whole again. She had truly forgiven them now.

Then she turned and saw with horror that Pluto, her expression black, her eyes cold, was firing. Saturn gasped, and watched with fear as the Chronos Typhoon blew past her and lanced into the cylinder about the midsection. The middle of it began degrading, and then it buckled. The top collapsed into the bottom and then a violent explosion rocked the caverns. She had enough presence to the throw up the Silent Wall to protect them all from the blast, but her heart choked at the thought that she may have just watched her tutor, her friend, and more, die at the hands of the woman he loved.

* * *

The Senshi made their way up through the rubble to a place where they could leap out of the remnants of the dome. Saturn was first to the top, and despite the premonition that something weird was happening, she began a frantic search for Kuryakin-sensei. She spotted him a few moments later. He was crouched on an intact section of the dome that was pointed upward. He was looking to the sky.

"Kuryakin-sensei!" Saturn cried.

He turned to look at her. One side of his face had first degree burns, and his hair was singed, as well as his white tunic in a way that showed where his invisible armor did and did not cover him. One eye was puffy and swollen. His face didn't look too bad, but she hated the thought of it, and rushed to him. She touched the burned side, as the faint, pinkish healing aura surrounded her. In a few moments, he was whole again, and he smiled at her, but grimly, as he pointed to the sky.

Now she understood why they had seen no daylight when the machine fired its beacon through it. The sky was filled with angry black clouds, towering unnaturally high. They were spinning around a hole in the sky, from which they could see a tornadic vortex beginning to form. Inside it, they could see what looked like black seeds swirling around the center.

"What is that?" said Sailor Uranus, as she and the others came up to them.

"Somehow they've built their own ring system, and their trying to open a corridor to here. We destroyed the beacon they were homing in on, but they've got the fix. If they can hold it long enough, if their system is good enough, and if their calculations are thorough enough, eventually it will make contact with the earth."

"Is that … more of them?" asked Sailor Pluto.

"Yes," he said, quietly, as he stood up. "I hope it's all of them."

"It's getting closer," said Sailor Neptune.

"Yes … it … is," said Kuryakin, and when he looked at them, his eyes were blazing red. In all the time she had known him, it was the first time Sailor Saturn thought he was not entirely in control of himself. His expression was becoming wild. And she finally understood. The light in his eyes was the light of those Oyarses. As he used their power, the color depended on the one who predominated at the moment. Whenever he was fighting, they were the red of that Oyarsi-Malacandra, the one who had who once stood alone and held his ground against an enemy far greater than he.

"When it gets close enough, I will engage them," he said, in a voice hard to read. Saturn could sense that, in one way, this was a moment he'd been preparing for since he made his bargain. There was reluctance, too, and sadness. It began to dawn on them all just what this meant. _'My one hope is that I can get them all, before I'm used up,'_ he had said.

"It looks like the lines of force in earth's gravitation and Van Allen belt will bring it down over there," he said pointing to a promontory that looked out over the ocean. He began walking slowly toward it. He did not look back, but then he could hear that they were following. He did not know what, if anything, their intentions were. He did not expect them to help with this. In fact, the way he would do this, it wouldn't have been possible for them to enter the space now defined by a very clear if massive 'rope' reaching out from the center of the swirling mass. Most likely, they would be in the way. He couldn't let them do that.

He turned and smiled at them, but his eyes were still glowing red, and it messed up the effect a bit. "Just a minute," he said loudly, and they looked at him, but again he was not speaking to them. His eyes returned to normal. He had pushed _them_ out for just a moment. There were things yet to be said, though not with words. He knelt down to look Sailor Saturn in the eyes much in the same way he had done the day he met her as Hotaru Tomoe. He learned forward and kissed her on the forehead just below her tiara; he wanted the kiss to fall on flesh, not metal or stone. He smiled as he pulled back and she tried to smile, too. The tornado was forming into a thick rope now, with hundreds of the enemy clustered about the tip, looking like the black seeds of some evil dandelion. Kuryakin glanced to the left at The Kittens, winked and smiled a little. He stood up and began walking to the edge of the promontory.

Halfway there, he paused. His eyes still normal, he glanced back over his shoulder at Sailor Pluto. He was passive for a moment, but then he couldn't hold it back any longer, this love that now would never see fruition. His face screwed up in profound sadness as he looked at her. He was reliving every moment, every phone call, every look, every second together no matter how troubled, every word exchanged, in reverse and in order of importance. The last two things he recalled: coming around that building with his chatty student and catching sight of the light glistening on a pair of pink lips that adorned a beautiful face, glinting off emerald tinted hair, setting off a cream colored dress and sandal strap heels in perfect contrast with the lovely dark-hued skin of the woman who wore it. The final thing: the night he kissed her. What more was there to say of that, the one night where he had caught her so off guard that for just a few minutes she abandoned everything she knew, and let herself be taken away by a desire she felt in her deepest soul? "Oh, what might have been …"

The vortex was dropping fast now. The red came back into his eyes.

"Alas. They're not likely to kill themselves, so I'd better get to it."

In his hands, the nearly invisible sword appeared.

"Ravagers of Andromeda!" he hollered. "The Sword of Maleldil, and of Malacandra, is coming for you!"

The vortex descended. He gauged its speed carefully, rocking back and forth on his haunches. Then, he jumped and was gone.

* * *

His body groaned under the stress it was taking, but the power of six planetary archangels was flowing through him now: reason, intuition, foresight, prescience, precision, and in the center of it was joy. It was only by their power that he was here anyway. His wife would be avenged, and he could die at peace. His hands knew terrible things, and they taught him things more terrible still. They moved faster than hands made of flesh ought to be able to move. Enemies who might have given him pause under any other circumstances were going down hard, fast and conclusively under this onslaught. He had aged three or four earth years already.

'_I hope they're all in here. This is the end …'_

In the midst of the fury, he was an island of contentment. His bargain had gained him seventy years of human life. His last memories would be the eager, violet eyes of a young girl, … and a kiss, the last he would ever know, and all the sweeter for it.

* * *

Down below, Sailor Neptune came closer to Sailor Uranus and took her hand as both of them watched. They knew they were seeing something wonderful. But they were about to see something better still; Sailor Saturn edged closer to the rim of the promontory. She peered hard at the vortex. It had begun to destabilize when Kuryakin entered it.

'_He must be doing well in there,'_ thought Sailor Saturn. It was destabilizing badly now, and pulling away from the earth. She'd better … decide, fast.

'_There is always something you can do …'_

She bowed her head and smiled. He wouldn't want her to do this. He would want her to accept 'it,' and remember him fondly. Perhaps he even hoped that from time to time, she might gently query Setsuna, to see if she remembered him too, and how.

'_There is always something you can do …'_

It was all very … bittersweet.

Like destiny.

Then, suddenly that wasn't good enough. There really wasn't anything to decide. She grasped the Glaive in both hands and walked to the edge of the promontory.

"Saturn! No," Sailor Pluto screamed. She wheeled about, looked at Sailor Pluto, the determination to do it flaming in her eyes. All three of her elders saw it.

"Hotaru … please," Pluto pleaded. Only under the greatest duress did the Senshi ever use civilian names when transformed.

She looked at Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune.

"She must go, Pluto," said Sailor Uranus.

"Yes, Hotaru," said Sailor Neptune, smiling with admiration, "if you desire it this much, you must go."

"Hotaru, … it might destroy the earth," said Sailor Pluto.

Her chest heaved as she took a deep breath. "Let justice be done, though it brings down the heavens," she said calmly. "I want him to live." Then she smiled, and winked, "Y'know, he wanted me to surprise him when I found out what that meant."

Sailor Pluto reached out to Sailor Saturn as she turned and leapt.

'_No, …'_

As she had done once before, and to the same purpose, Sailor Pluto began slowly raising the Garnet Rod over her head.

'_I won't let this happen …'_

* * *

All around Sailor Saturn was twisting blackness and a sound that seemed to shake the very foundations of the world. She held the blade of the Glaive before her, seeking to wedge it into a seam in the lines of forces she could see so clearly now.

'_Surprise, my dear Kuryakin-sensei!'_

She plunged it in, and managed to tear enough of an opening for her to enter. A moment later, she was inside.

Then, everything stopped.


	36. Chapter 10 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 010 – The World They Wish For  
(Part 1-Colloquy of the Gods)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

Know ye not that we shall judge angels?  
How much more things that pertain to this life?

**_1__st__ Corinthians 6:3  
_The Bible**

* * *

… He shall not go untouched  
by the feeling of their weaknesses,  
but shall go far and wide,  
to find that long lost.  
In the widening gyre,  
Death shall show him mercy,  
that he may Redeem the Time …

**- _The 'Midrash'_ (for want of a better term) _of Ennosh the Traveler_,  
on _"The Coming of The Seventh Judge."_**

* * *

A beam of violet light hit Sailor Saturn, and she found herself disarmed, de-transformed and naked. Or at least it felt like she was, for so bright was the light she was bathed in, it seemed to go right through her.

"Now then, little flower, just what do you think you're doing?" said a detached and very haughty sounding voice.

Hotaru looked toward the light and saw a very strange sight. It was hard to describe, but it was as if she was looking inside the very clock that governed all of time itself. Great wheels within greater wheels of light like molten platinum spun in all directions, some moving impossibly fast, others mind-numbingly slow, so slow that they might not be moving at all - but they were. It came closer to her, and she could feel its ancient might, like a cold pressure pinning her entire body. If this thing told her it was as old as the cosmos itself, she would have believed it without hesitation. Though it appeared to be stationary, she could tell it was expending a great deal of energy holding this position relative to the frames of reference in which it existed. But the appearance was only half the effect. This thing was not merely huge, it was the essence of hugeness. Galaxies were but cogs in a wall clock to it. Her tiny self, even the tremendously powerful Guardian-self within her seemed small and inconsequential, like a tiny dribble of water flung against a granite wall. It had a color. She would know it instantly if she ever saw it again, but she could not for the life of her classify it by any known colors. Then suddenly, its appearance changed. It was all sparkling lights and streamers, the apprehension of which felt like pinpricks in her mind. It tickled at first but as the being came closer, it began to hurt.

"No, stop!" she cried out, "It's too much …"

The being withdrew for a moment, then its form resolved into that of a figure somewhat like a statue of a man. I did not move, and showed no expression, but nonetheless that sense that it was expending a great deal of energy was still with it, and she could feel something like emotion coming from it. The emotion was a calculating coldness, worse than any physical cold she had ever felt.

"Does this appearance suit you better?"

"Yes. Who are you?" asked Hotaru.

"My name in the Heavens is Lurga. You would, I think, call me Chronos. Though that would not be accurate, it is the thing _least unlike_ what I am."

"You can stop time?"

"I have not stopped it. I have merely altered the speed of its passing a bit."

"Why?"

"I am asking the questions. I have authority here, for this place is an extension of our _handra_. What are your intentions here?"

"Please," she said, her voice sounding so small, but sweetly pleading. "I want to help him."

"Help? Help who?"

"Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru said.

"Indeed?" said the mighty spirit, deeply puzzled, as though the mere thought of this was a curiosity of great singularity. It seemed to be mulling this over, but then said, "It will not be possible. You shall not pass, and certainly not with your Thanatos wave maker. This is the path he has chosen, and this is his meeting with his destiny."

Hotaru frowned. She had a feeling it would have something to do with that. "But they are threatening my world, my … _handra_.

"True, it is not proper to invade another's _handra_. The proximity of these events to your world is troubling from our side of things too. But he has more than enough power to deal with them. And then we shall depart."

"But it will kill him, use him up."

"Indeed, it might."

"I care what happens to him."

"Why? The length of his life –and yours- is so little anyway."

"Not to us," Hotaru said, sounding a bit testy. She was getting quite worried. That this incredibly powerful being was capable of stopping the Senshi of Destruction in her tracks was impressive and frightening, though it may have had to do only with his "authority" since this place fell under its jurisdiction. That it seemed willing to speak with her seemed promising, but if it couldn't understand love, this conversation was going no where fast. She tried a different tack.

"They have already attacked and slain people from my world. I have a part in this fight."

"You are The Slayer of this _handra_, and The Field of Sol, are you not?"

"Only under certain conditions," she said looking down.

"Then why do you care if some of your own have been slain? Have you not slain far more of them, many times, yourself? Odd, that your keepers would allow you to form … attachments. But no matter. Our agent shall deal with them," he said in a 'run along now' voice.

"'_Agent'_ Lurga says," came another voice. Another light began to shine through the very powerful light of the first being. It wasn't nearly as powerful but nonetheless, another statue-like form appeared. This one had a color she could name. In fact, it was that same shade of soft orange that she so admired in "loneliest star," Fomalhaut. The immediate effect of its presence was a kind of shaming, not the cold shame of guilt, but the burning shame of embarrassment and inadequacy. This one was "beautiful," so beautiful it shamed anything that didn't measure up. Hotaru could move a little now, and it was a good thing. She now felt her nakedness before these beings. She curled up, and covered her breasts with her arms, blushing furiously. Then the feeling softened, and she felt as though, somehow, she was being hugged and forgiven for not measuring up, and the feeling of shame was replaced by the effect of a tiny but very warm fire, gladly giving her its warmth as a shelter against the fierce, vast cold of the other being. There was another feeling that came from this one. The first one did not strike her as being of any particular gender. This new one did. It was a "she." It didn't work to call her "female" but she was definitely "feminine."

"Who are you?"

"I am Perelandra. You would call me Venus, I think, though that would not be quite right. You'll have to forgive this Mighty Outer, young lady. Being more ancient than I –by far- Lurga comes off as a bit haughty."

"I have some experience with that sort of thing," said Hotaru dryly and with a newfound sense of freedom, as the sound of something like laughter came from her left. Another "statue" appeared, blue as the sky that had been stripped of all haze at the passing of a thunderstorm. Immediately, her mind was seized with an ecstasy such as one could not experience even under the effect of psychotropic drugs. It was as if her mind was fuel and someone had just lit it on fire. Thoughts such as she had never known, ideas that seemed foolish at first, but upon reflection ought to be given a hearing, witty jokes and puns, all came racing into her mind like a splashing of quicksilver that quickly broke up and reformed many times in new and ever cleverer ways. Ways of expressing these ideas, as words, even as music, bubbled and effervesced in her mind – she was in the white-hot furnace of language itself.

She knew this one's name before he introduced himself. Kuryakin-sensei had mentioned this one and the things which his 'activity' governed explicitly.

"You are Viri… trilba?"

"Viritrilbia, yes. You would, I think, call me …

"Mercury, Hermes or Thoth …"

"Yes," laughed the merry Oyarsa, "But again, that would …

"Not be accurate …"

"Not exactly, no. You're a sharp-eyed and witty one."

She smiled, grateful for the praise. Hotaru was reveling in the way her thoughts were racing and the tantalizing ideas she was experiencing. This must have been what it felt like to be Isaac Newton at the first realization of gravity, or Einstein in the moment he grasped General Relativity. She was beginning to feel a little more hopeful. Before the first Oyarsa, her spirit quailed, pinned beneath its ancient gravity and power, but she could sense that these new ones were much friendlier, and possibly even willing to side with her against the other. Even then, she wondered if it would make a difference. Their presence was an utterly amazing thing to experience, and she could feel the strength coursing in them, but though ancient themselves, these were clearly younger intelligences, and no match for the far more ancient one should it come down to that. That assessment became even grimmer when the next one showed up.

At its approach, a feeling similar to the one that had seized her mind at Viritrilbia's approach struck her. She could feel her thoughts being fractured. There the similarity ended. With Viritrilbia, the fracturing was followed by a recombination. Now her thoughts were being broken up for the very purpose of _not_ recombining. This new one must be one of the "Outers." She could not put a color to it, and though still inferior to the one called Lurga, this one had a power that overshadowed the other two with ease. But then a funny thing happened. In her mind, where before there were thoughts, there were now imaginings, which the warmth of Perelandra's presence magnified. She was falling into a torpor in which things like hope and wish and desire rose up, often in opposition to "thought." She was "seeing things." Some of the things she saw she liked, some she did not, and some she simply didn't understand. The weight of the far more ancient one did begin to press on her, but it was not unpleasant. It wasn't exactly cold, though there was a sadness to it. In fact, it made her think of Setsuna-momma. And now she could – almost- give a name to the color of this one. It was the "color of twilight." Yes, that worked very well. As this one resolved into a figure, she knew its name.

"You are called Neruval, aren't you?"

"Yes," said a most ethereal voice. "I sit farthest from the light of Arbol. Throughout the dispensations, it is my call that all who come to Oyarandra first hear. Much do I see where you are concerned. Do you know that one day you will …?"

"Neruval!" boomed the voice of Lurga, "As always, you say too much! Everything _in its time_."

Hotaru wondered if she was about to see an argument of sorts. She would have enjoyed that. She would have enjoyed that very much. In fact, her heart just now was being seized by "a desire to contend." A powerful, ruddy light began knifing through the white light formed by the combination of the others' light. Its power was not anything close to that of these two Outer giants, but there was a potency that came from its concentration, its focus. Still feeling the effects of Neruval's much greater presence, Hotaru now saw images of war. In fact, she was seeing "The Great War," the day the possessor of this ferocious red light first saw the enemy coming like an unstoppable wave upon his _handra_. She could feel the fires of the great and righteous anger that welled up within him; she could feel how he cast aside all concern for his own 'safety'; she could feel his utter determination to stop this enemy, whatever the cost, burn so hotly in her, she thought she would explode. It was a feeling she knew well, this white-hot, black-hearted desire to close and contend with enemy. All of the Outer Planet Senshi had this fire within them, in great measure. She knew who this was as well, and could sense immediately this was very much a "him."

"What is wrong?" this one barked impatiently. "Things are going well. He's got a perfect angle of attack. Why have we stopped?"

"This little flower has come to petition for his life, Malacandra," Lurga said. "She wishes to help him. She wishes to cheat you of your final victory."

"_Does she?_" he said, and suddenly the red figure dissolved back into the burning "wheels within wheels" and closed with her, studying her. "Indeed, she could do it. She has a bit of your look about her, Lurga. Ah, and that Thanatos wave maker would be hers? Very good. So you wish to cheat me of my final victory?"

"No," Hotaru said defiantly. "But I do wish to save his life. I know how his use of your powers uses his body up."

"Yes," said Perelandra. "It is true. Our slightest touch can unmake him. You cannot know how hard we must concentrate to adumbrate our power to a point that he can use it without immediate death."

Hotaru counted five Oyarses here; Kuryakin had spoken of six. For now, it did not seem that the other one was interested in showing up. Hotaru was not sure whether that was bad or good. The sixth must the one called Glund, and since rank seemed to be determined by the size of the planet they had "spun from the dust of Arbol," he –if "he" was even the right word – must be the most powerful of them all.

The argument began in earnest.

"Little Flower, you must understand," said Lurga. "He is working out his penance, if you will. You know of the crime which he committed?"

"Yes," she said sadly. "Terrible though it was, it sounds to me like a mistake of youth and of a man deeply wounded by the lost of his wife, in a world where no one dies young."

"Nonetheless, his crime was real, and great."

"So was his sorrow over it, Lurga," said Perelandra.

Hotaru began watching very closely and listening very carefully, trying to figure out who on her side and to what degree.

"That war was going to break out anyway," said Viritrilbia. "The cry of the oppressed had been heard. They would have wiped themselves from existence. The poor were many and determined, but too poor, and the great were few, but too powerful and spiteful. They would have scorched their _handra_, if he had not seen a way to prevent it. He cured the remnant of that world and led many who would have gladly seen him slain to safety. His former compatriots nearly slew him for that. In the end, his being there was as much a mercy as it was a crime."

"The intent of the heart was all that mattered," Lurga countered. "It showed that he was willing to violate the prohibitions. That is what condemned him. He accepted his judgement. We gave him a way through it. He should be grateful that his life was not a waste."

"He is grateful," said Viritrilbia.

"Though the burden he now carries is heavy," said Perelandra.

Little one," said Malacandra directly to Hotaru, "he completes our victory, and he wins, too. He has struggled all this time to see justice done for his beloved."

"Indeed," said Lurga, "it was only the memory of his wife, the chance to see justice done for her, that made him repentant …"

"Yes," said Perelandra, "it was her love that awakened him. But he is indeed 'this way' now … He has learned. He is changed, repentant, redeemed."

"That's only half the truth," said Hotaru, her voice sounding so tiny and tinny compared to theirs. "I think, … _I_ am the reason he came here."

"Indeed?" said Neruval. "Marvelous if true, for it proves what I have been saying about him."

"It is true. I have also helped make him this way. He has taught me, I have taught him. I love him …," she said as tears began forming in her eyes. "He has changed me, and shown me the hope I have sought all my life …"

"But that fire of his first love is clearly gone," said Lurga, seemingly ignoring Hotaru. "He is in love with another now …"

"Yes, I have noticed," said Perelandra. "He had gone as far as that memory could take him. He came here, not knowing the thing he may have been seeking was here. But his strength was waning, and he needed a new vision to keep going. He is in love again. I wondered how long he could subsist on the memory of that lost love. He lasted far longer than I expected."

"That is another problem," said Lurga. "The one he is in love with now is not of his world. Were we to let this little flower save him- and we would be foolish to do so unless she guarantees the destruction of all the enemy present in this tunnel …"

"… and she will have to risk the destruction of her _handra_ in doing so …" added Viritrilbia.

"… if you succeed in saving him," Lurga continued, seemingly annoyed, and speaking directly to Hotaru now, "he will no doubt continue to pursue her. For he is a very determined person when in love. He has no right to any such thing, and certainly not with an outsider, but he has gone ahead anyway."

Hotaru was quickly riled at this subtle suggestion that somehow Setsuna was 'unworthy.' "My Setsuna-momma is a great and good woman. I think he chose well when he fell in love with her."

"So do I," said Neruval.

"And I" said Perelandra.

'_Aha,'_ thought Hotaru. _'Now I now who's on my side.'_

"She is not of our world," Lurga reiterated. "He has no business …"

"And you wonder why it is said time knows nothing of mercy," said Perelandra. "Why can he not find love again? And wherever he can? He has been so alone. Besides, look at this little one here. If she loves him, it is surely because he has shown her his heart, his kindness. Neruval may be right. Look who she is, here."

"Yes," said Neruval, and then The Oyarsa of Mysteries began quoting something: "In the widening gyre, spun up by strife, Death will show him mercy and give him life … behold, she, the destroyer of the invalid old, and has come to do just that. It is as I have seen. He is the Seventh Judge."

"What is that?" asked Hotaru.

"In each generation that comes to Oyarandra, some fall away, though that world is now a paradise," explained Viritrilbia.

"It is no surprise," said Neruval, "for often do the _hnau_ – the rational animals of the worlds, falter within the very sight of Heaven. For many who think they know what they want, do not, and cannot bear the truth when they reach it."

"Ah yes, he told us of that," said Hotaru.

"They would see Heaven brought down to Hell because they cannot have it on their own terms," continued Viritrilbia, "but Maleldil will not suffer the peace of that world to be violated ever again."

"Nor the Peace of Andromeda, for very long," added Malacandra parenthetically.

"To fight them," The Oyarsa of Thought concluded, "Maleldil raises up out of each generation, an 'arkhon,' roughly, a judge. It is necessary because each generation becomes more powerful than the last. Those who fall away from the third generation, for example, have more power to destroy than the judge of the second generation can handle. Thus, each generation must have its own judge. The seventh generation is the one that comes into the full perfection of Oyarandra. Thus, with every race that has come, there have always been seven such judges. Often times, it is not clear until after much time has passed, who those judges were. Some of the judges were slain in the end. Neruval insists that Kuryakin is that last, seventh judge."

"Yes," said Neruval. "I do insist upon it. Even his name – Kuryakin- sounds like Kure Arkon, or the Seventh Judge, in the common tongue."

"_Nomen est omen,_" said Hotaru.

"Indeed," said Viritrilbia, and Hotaru was sure it was said with a smile, though still none of the statue-like figures moved in any way.

"But no matter," said Neruval. "These things must happen as they do. I cannot tell yet, what will happen there, for we must decide this first."

"Indeed," said Lurga. "The Seventh Judge is to be practically immortal. Or at least he certainly will live out the normal lifespan of an Oyarandran. If he is the Kure Arkhon, then even we shall not be able to use him up. This is the perfect test."

"As always, you willfully misunderstand that," said Neruval, and suddenly Hotaru understood. This was a sort of game, bonhomie between mighty spirits. Only their vast power made it seem like more than that.

"It only appears thus when seen from the other side," Neruval continued. "In this now, choice is everything. It may be that he will survive this precisely because she has chosen to help him."

"Do not mind, Lurga," Perelandra said, addressing Hotaru directly. "He is very annoyed that another sees better than him."

"Annoyance is of the _hnau_. I do not get annoyed."

"Ah, but we – of all the eldila – we, who have never known more or lesser light, do know of these things," said Perelandra. "For they are things all the eldila desire to look into. But we have been favored above all others. Because of him, through him, we can see them. We have been touched by the feelings of the _hnau_ …"

Hotaru now had a much better understanding of the relationship between Kuryakin and his Guardians. But she could sense that there was one thing she hadn't grasped yet.

"You … like him. Don't you?"

"_Like?_ Yes, I suppose you could put it that way," said Viritrilbia. "Most of us, that is."

Hotaru was now very hopeful that she would be allowed to fight with Kuryakin. Still, not all of them put together could match up with the power of The Cold One. It looked as if Lurga's would be the final say. But then came a moment too wonderful for worlds.

"I suppose you shall insist that we bring this up with Glund," said Lurga, who was beginning to see how this was going to go.

"I was just thinking that," said Neruval.

"I know," said Lurga.

At the mere mention of the name of the last and greatest Oyarsa, Hotaru's heart leapt for joy. There was no obvious reason for it to, but the mere name seemed to contain within it all joy. Hotaru now understood what Kuryakin had meant when he said that these beings, these Planetary Archangels, were the "organs" of their solar system. There came among them a presence, against which even the cold pressure of Lurga was no match. Before these others, her spirit at times quailed, at others was driven to frenzies of thought and great vision and desires too powerful for words- even the best words of the vast chorus of languages she could hear buzzing in her head. Now, before this one, she thought she might die, but if she didn't, she would sing the song of her own life and individuality with all her being, as her heart filled with joy unspeakable.

"He has no doubt been talking to Maleldil of this," said Lurga.

"Indeed," said the rich, rich voice of the mighty Glund-Oyarsa, through whom the winds of joy blew across the stars.

"Maleldil always listens to these upstarts," Lurga said, with deference, but seemingly with disappointment too. "We had this cosmos running quite smoothly, but then Maleldil started creating corporeal life and taking strange councils to keep it going. It comes up like flower, and then withers and is cut down. What is the point?"

"It is not even noticed by the vast bulk of the cosmos," said Perelandra. "Why do you so bother with it, if the point is truly lost on you, ancient one? Do you not see the occasions for love, for hope, ..."

"For progress and the willing apprehension of Truth," said Viritrilbia.

"For courage," said Malacandra, "which is every good thing at the point of testing …"

"Of course Lurga sees it," said Neruval, "but is loathe to admit it."

"I loathe nothing," said Lurga.

"Invincibility really is overrated," Hotaru said smiling.

"Indeed, it is" said Viritrilbia. "Because we are far less powerful than these Mighty Outers, we saw this sooner and better."

"There is something I don't under …" said Hotaru, puzzled. This was all so odd. She had the measure of these great spirits, these world spinners. She recognized that they were vast, ancient beings, filled with the wisdom beyond wisdom, who surely knew everything, or knew how to find out if it was important enough. But somehow, the making of 'rational animals,' threw even their insight into a tailspin. And then, she understood.

"She knows now," said Viritrilbia, and surely, he was smiling again. "As Perelandra said, our slightest touch can unmake him, and yet, we, all of us are at his command. It is very specific and constrained, and he scarcely knows of it. One day, it will not be so. For now though, and for the purpose of finishing the Will of Maleldil, he has some authority over us. Indeed, all his kind - even perhaps, one day, you - have that authority. And we are glad of it. In the light of our light is sealed the Eternal Gloria, which we sing, year unto year, without ceasing; but now we know the greatest song of all: the song of the redeemed."

With this moment of full enlightenment on Hotaru's part, these Oyéresu could also see something they hadn't before.

"Indeed," said Neruval, "for I see now who you truly are, Little Flower. Do you not see it, fellow Oyéresu?"

"Yes, yes, I do," said Perelandra, Malacandra and Viritrilbia together.

"So then, what say you, Glund-Oyarsa?" they all asked as one, very deferentially.

"Look at the joy with which she glows when she thinks of him," said this mightiest of the Oyéresu. "She is starting to understand that she is, in a way, of him. She has willed to save him from it. She has the power to do it."

"If I may give council, Glund-Oyarsa: perhaps, perhaps not," said Viritrilbia. "It is not a matter merely of power, but of choice. He loves her too, and these things never go quite as they wish or think. For rarely do they know what they truly wish, think or ask."

"Neruval, what see you?" asked Glund.

Neruval said nothing of what was seen, but merely, "She should be allowed to try, though it may not come right until the end of all things."

"Malacandra," said Glund, "this was your fight from the beginning. Will you withhold?"

"I am the Oyarsa of Battle, but I am not a warmonger. I will let her unleash her weapon if she still wishes. But she must swear to get them all, whatever the risks to her _handra_, and I must see her true to her promise before leaving."

"It is in my light that The Will of Maleldil does not withhold this," said the great Glund-Oyarsa. "As our leader was allowed to come here, we shall reciprocate the kindness shown. She shall be allowed." Then Hotaru could feel "the eyes" of this being directly upon her. It was a feeling wonderful beyond words. It was as if every terrible thing that ever happened to her suddenly became a joy of equal, even greater, measure. Tears flowed from her eyes. She could not literally see it, but she knew this leader of the Oyéresu was smiling at her.

"If you succeed, henceforth you have a share in all his works."

"So be it," the others murmured in unison, as they began to fade from her view.

"Go," said the voice of Perelandra. "The Grace of the Oyéresu be with you. Fight beside him. Fight for him. Save him if you can. We shall watch, and see what wonders await."

* * *

'_What!'_ thought Sailor Saturn. _'Did … something just happen!'_

She had torn a hole through the event horizon of the twisting column that extended all the way to another Galaxy, and then it seemed for the merest second that … but no matter. She could see the enemies being spun around in the twisting wind, if such it could be called. The weaker-looking of them were pressed to the outside by the centrifugal force of it, periodically attempting to punch their way through the walls. Those in the center seemed bigger and more powerful, an observation confirmed by the way they could hold to the center waiting for the lesser ones to break through. There was a great buzzing among them. They knew _he_ was here. They could see those among them who had already been felled. They were looking in all directions trying to find him. Then Sailor Saturn saw him. He had begun at the highest point in the vortex where enemy could be found so that he could face them in detail, and not have to take on more than two or three at a time. It worked well, because he was able to anchor himself to a frame of reference outside the vortex, and hold or change his position as he chose. Eventually, though, he would not be able to pick them off a few at a time, but would have to confront them _en mass_.

'_Got here just in time,'_ thought Sailor Saturn.

In the center of the vortex, there was second column that spun upward and opposite the outer wall. Saturn carefully gauged it, and then flung herself into it. She rose quickly through the ranks of Ravagers, and some of them saw her, and took weak and errant swipes at her. She parried the few that were accurate with the Glaive, and Kuryakin caught the light glinting off it.

"Hotaru … ach, _Satahrn_, … no …" he barked, as he saw a pale young lady with sable hair and violet eyes dressed in white and purple speeding toward him. He parried the attack of a huge ravager and then ran him through as he spun his back to it. She deflected yet another attack, and then reached out to him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him, for like the ravagers, she would not be able to hold her position very well amidst all this spinning. But he could and he lifted her to a place where the enemy could not reach them.

"You should not have done this," he said with a resigned smile.

"You have unfinished business back there," she said, as she noticed he looked ten years older.

"I'm surprised _they_ let you through," Kuryakin said. "This might all be for naught. Your 'wave' might kill me too, you know."

"You can 'wink out' like you did when the cavern exploded."

"Yes, I did, but even that wasn't enough."

"I won't let it kill you," she said, uncertain that she could do it, but determined to try.

"It might destroy the earth," he said.

"Let justice be done …" she began.

"… though it brings down the heavens," they finished it together.

"What do you have to do?"

"Put me in the very middle of them and I will do the rest. I only need a sure footing for a few seconds."

Kuryakin began to fade out, and then a sphere of white light surrounded Sailor Saturn, and she began falling, back through the center of the vortex. Down, down, down, she went, speeding past the enemy, clustered here and there like bunches of black grapes on a twisted vine, who again swiped spitefully but ineffectually at her. Down, until they were in very middle of them, of the roaring gyre, of everything- it seemed. The white sphere of light was deflecting every attempt of the enemy to jab at her. She was having the hardest time standing up, but finally she found a stable, firm place. She held her world-shattering weapon before her, her eyes slowly closing, then opening. She could see the leering, ravening faces of the enemy, shrieking, growling, longing with implacable hatred to seize and crush and devour her. Her eyes filled with The Cold Look. They saw, not a hatred, but a will to oppose them so equally implacable as their own dark fire that it could well be called hatred.

Fear came in to their eyes. They understood what she was, and what she could do.

"Ravagers of Andromeda!" Sailor Saturn screamed, "The Glaive cries out, 'Avenge the blood of the innocent!' _Yours_ is forfeit! Now come, … and burn out for me!"


	37. Chapter 10 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 010 – The World They Wish For**

**(Part 2 –Hotaru's Wave)**

* * *

**Epigraph:**

Man's greatest fear is not that the

Apocalypse will happen, but that it won't.

**- Walker Percy**

* * *

The island of Tinuatu was now the calm in the center of a storm so massive it was having catastrophic effects on a great deal of the Pacific Ocean area. At present, it was almost five times the diameter of Typhoon Tip, the largest tropical cyclone ever recorded. Weather satellites had watched its sudden and inexplicable emergence. The first scientists to take a look at it knew instantly that something unusual was happening; it was impossible for a storm of such size to exist, much less to form so suddenly.

And it was getting bigger still.

Numerous airlines had to divert around it. Some were unable to escape it, and were lost. Others, low on fuel for any extended climbing or maneuvering, had to try their luck anywhere they could find to set down. The ocean's currents were being disrupted as super-typhoon force winds buffeted huge swaths of the shipping lanes, and wreaked devastation across every island chain from Hawaii to the The Marshalls, and even the coast of New Guinea. In some cases, close to the center, where the air had been compressed to the density of steel by the forces in play, the winds simply scrapped some islands clean, and in two cases, scooped them down to below sea level, wiping them from the map. The churning of the atmosphere sent massive amounts of water vapor into regions where it was instantly frozen. When the great hailstones achieved sufficient mass, they fell through the winds and pummeled anything beneath them. The bigger the ship, the greater the chances of being hit. One "Ultra-Large Crude Carrier" supertanker disappeared beneath the waves trailing oil all the way down. Many container ships suffered a similar fate, including two older ones that were battered by the hailstones, and then ripped apart by the sharp torsion of colliding water currents, sinking with the loss of all hands. Other tankers and cargo carriers were hit and leaked oil or other cargo as their small crews desperately tried to keep the ships afloat and under control. An American Carrier Battle Group sustained heavy damage, lost one escort vessel and many of its planes in the midst of an exercise. Other countries naval vessels suffered under the barrage as well.

* * *

At the Hikawa Shrine in Tokyo, the Inner Planet Senshi had heard about the storm. Mamoru Chiba had linked his desktop on an online news stream. The others gathered around, and watched with increasing worry.

"It's centered over the Pacific Ocean," said Rei, as a satellite image came up, "Exactly as I foresaw."

"That must be where they are," said Ami, sadly.

"Yes," said Chiba, "right in the middle of it."

"The Outer Senshi?" asked Minako.

"Yes," said Ami. "I don't know how, but I know … almost certainly that is where they are."

'_And that Kuryakin-san is with them,'_ she didn't say. She had been thinking a great deal about him since their meeting this morning. When she had first met the man many years ago, she was a deeply introverted person. Today, she understood just how deeply. Why had she not noticed then the very unusual things about the man someone of her intelligence ought to have seen, if not because of that? Yes, by size alone, he was intimidating to a small, young girl whose whole existence had been brought into question by her parents' divorce. Of course, he was kind and took great pains to set her and every other student at ease. He had done is so well, and she was, admittedly, so in awe of him that she was able to flower as an intelligent young girl.

In time, she had realized her mother had hoped he could be something of a surrogate father in her life, if only for a few hours out of the days when she was at his cram school. He had, in a way, but he was not a usurper. He was the kind of person who did not take the place of 'that which should be,' but, by shining example, made you wish all the more that which should be had, in fact, been. Now she realized she had hardly seen the man, at all. This morning, when he and Rei Hino were at her fire altar, was a very strange thing indeed. She'd seen Rei during her pyromancies, and they had never been like that. There again, it was a matter of Kuryakin somehow making "better" what abilities one already had. She asked Rei if the way she'd had seen things this morning was the usual for her. She said no, then remarked "he's a strange man, isn't he?" Ami smiled. _'Why had she not noticed until today?'_ Kuryakin had mentioned the Magellan Rise, and that "it" must be "underground." That meant they were on or near an island called Tinuatu.

"I know where they are," Ami said. "Do you think we should try to help them?"

"_The latest reports indicate the unusual typhoon is increasing in size …" _said the announcer.

"It's impossible for a storm this size to exist," said Chiba.

"Yes," said Ami, "by any ordinary meteorological forces. This might be something involving time distortion."

"Yes," Chiba nodded, "that's exactly what I'm thinking. So I wonder if you could even get to them."

"_Daijobu, mina_ (all will be well, everyone)," Usagi suddenly chimed in. Her eyes were closed as though she were seeing a vision, confirming that the Outer Senshi were on the scene. "I know it looks bad, but we should stay close to home, to defend it, if it gets any worse. Let's believe in them, and in their love for this world."

"Yeah," said Makoto winking at her and playing along, "I'm sure they'll take care of it, just to keep us from having any of the fun."

"Well, in that case, let's get back to cleaning up around here," said Rei.

"Rei-chan, I'm not _that_ sure," said Usagi.

"Usagi, I mean it!" she said, shoving a broom into Usagi's hand. "We're wasting time! Back to work."

As always with these ever-closer friends, the subtext was clear: _let's not worry our pretty heads too much, at least until we must. If things are about to get very bad, let's make sure we lived every moment of our lives and our friendship._

"I'll keep an eye on this," said Chiba. "If it keeps getting bigger, I'll come get you all."

* * *

In the eye of the storm, Sailors Uranus, Neptune and Pluto stood watching as the massive tornadic vortex that dropped through the center circulation gyrated all around the island, trying to touch down. Apparently, without the homing beacon, there was no way to guide the corridor in, and the precise point of contact within the volcanic dome that would complete the dimensional tunnel could be found only by hit or miss. If it came too close to the volcanic dome where the beacon was, they knew they would have to hit it with everything they had to drive it away. So far, it had not gotten too close, though none of them was really sure how close was too close.

Sailor Saturn had gone in a few minutes ago. Sitting in the relative calm of the massive storm's eye, punctuated by the occasional whooshing-by of the tornado, they watched and wondered at what might be happening inside. Then, they realized she and Kuryakin-san must have found each other in there because they heard his voice, clear as glass, say:

"On my life, she will return to you, whole as she was when she came in."

They looked at each other. Sailor Pluto stood close by the others now. A minute later, Sailors Uranus and Neptune, hand in hand, sank to their knees and clasped each other as Hotaru's wave blasted orthogonally like a nuclear detonation from the central axis of the vortex. At its approach, Sailor Pluto slowly closed her eyes, resigned – yet again- to her fate. Then the wave slowed and stopped, contained by the vortex like the air in an expanding balloon. They could see many of the enemy, pressed against the bounding wall like black spiders about to be crushed against glass. Some of Hotaru's wave did pressure its way through the event horizon - and of its most immediate effects, all would learn over the next few weeks. But for the most part, the dimensional boundary held. Sailor Pluto opened her eyes and looked up. The wave was headed up the spinning column, like the spark traveling up a lit fuse, writ incredibly large. Loud sounds almost like growling could be heard as the forces sustaining the vortex and the massive mesocyclone destabilized and dissipated. The storm began to collapse, and the normal meteorological forces began at once to reclaim the skies, but the signs of the phenomenon would be readily visible from space for days afterwards.

Then there was a small but brilliant flash of light in the sky, and the three elder Senshi saw something fall into the water several hundred meters from the island. Uranus ran to the edge of the promontory, shielded her eyes, and then said, "Neptyune!" Sailor Neptune summoned a series of waves that deposited two waterlogged objects onto the shore, and they all began running down the hillside.

* * *

In the Andromeda Galaxy, a fleet of starships was approaching a globular cluster on the outer part of the Vandalia galactic arm. The area had first come under suspicion eight weeks ago, when an Automated Stellar Survey Observatory began noticing fluctuations in certain stars on the outer boundaries of the cluster. The anomalies stabilized after two weeks of variable output, though it was noted at the time that the output had ever-so-slightly- but definitely diminished, in contradiction to all stellar fusion burn models.

At first, these were considered simple anomalies, worth future study, but nothing more. A perfunctory report was made to the scientific community, and Fleet Command scheduled a research mission to the area "in due course"- anywhere from two to ten years. Then one of Oyarandra's top physicists and his archeologist wife saw the report, and began making earnest inquiries into when a close-up survey might be made. Fleet Command asked him why, and he explained that his recent researches lead him to believe that globular clusters might be unusually well-suited for their space folding techniques. This was buttressed by his wife's hard won discovery of what amounted to a Rosetta Stone, which enabled her successful interpretation of ancient records suggesting one Oyarandran race in the very, very distant past used globular clusters as their main staging areas for interstellar, and eventually intergalactic, space folding.

Fleet Intelligence also picked up on this, as one of their worst case scenarios involved the Ravagers able to build a ring system of their own. Building even one Stellar Harnessing Ring took an entire interplanetary civilization. At present, it required seven such rings to get an intergalactic tunnel opened. In the early days this worse case scenario seemed nothing more than a theoretical exercise, and one that would never occur now that they had a 'specialist' whose sole purpose in life was to destroy the Ravagers. (Speculation among that community about the hardships of such a life ranged from "boring" to "horrifically harsh." None of them had ever met Kuryakin, but all agreed no one sane would want to take such a job.) Their specialist had been so effective at this that no one could accurately count how many he'd killed, but all agreed the Ravagers pretty much had their backs to the wall by now.

Over the years, Fleet Intel had noticed that there were occasions where the enemy got away, and often took great pains to make sure they got away with certain information, and in some cases, even technologies, or at least plans for them. A slow, piece-by-piece gathering of everything needed for such a system seemed an extremely improbable long shot, and the idea of a crude "fire and forget" system designed for a one-off shot at another galaxy might be on the minds of their enemies simply had not occurred to anyone. Lately though, some intel analysts had noticed what they thought to be an increase in enemy activity. It was vague stuff, and difficult for their "trackers" –people who specialized in seeking out Ravagers for Kuryakin to dispatch, to find out what, exactly, was going on, but there did seem to be an overall movement in the direction of the Vandalia galactic arm. Later, they would discover that this occurred right around the time earth humans had found the Node Point Homing Beacon and made contact with the Ravagers. Until now, it was all speculation, but in the obvious tradition of always putting the burden of uncertainty on the enemy, they also had taken note of the anomalous cluster, and when the two scientists made it clear _why_ they wished for a mission to the cluster as soon as possible, the idea finally dawned on the brain trust at Fleet Intel. Orders were sent for Fleet to investigate _in force_ at once.

When the starships had closed to within scanning range of those outer stars, they began detecting the first signs of a Stellar Harnessing Ring. In the event of such a discovery, the admiral in command had very concise and drastic orders: destroy at once, by any means necessary. He ordered the ships to make for the ring with all possible speed. As they closed to firing range for their longest ranged weapons, they took note that the system was activated. It was very crude, so much so it must be generating catastrophic effects on the surface of whatever world they were trying to reach, but it was functioning well enough. They were minutes away from opening fire, when alarm claxons began sounding. Sensors picked up massive instabilities in the system followed by a "Thanatos" wave coming from the corridor.

"Emergency action, evasive!" ran throughout the ships command and control computers. The great ships heeled over, and sought to get away as fast as they could.

* * *

The dimensional boundary of the vortex notwithstanding, it was impossible that such a summary judgement upon the Ravagers could happen in such proximity to the earth without some of Hotaru's wave breaking through. In some places, the effect was as drastic, nasty and conclusive as one would expect from The Senshi of Ruin, but in others the effect was strangely adumbrated, even positive, talking the form of hope-filled dreams and imperatives to greater courage, confession and action. In other cases, it took the form of nightmares that, in the worst cases, drove some to insanity and suicide. Consciences once seared shut, were reborn; others, on the cusp of reprobation, were sent over the edge. Many well-kept secrets were exposed, and many evils were forced into the open, while others, sincerely repented, were covered, never to emerge again. Thus did Hotaru's Wave break over the earth, and begin separating the wheat and the chaff.

In what may have been the most drastic manifestations of Hotaru's Wave, an earthquake of unusual focus and power hit Chiba, Japan, and leveled the supposedly earthquake proof Sea Gate Tower. However, that was only half the story. When the tower fell, there were very few casualties. Though it was a work day, an odd wave of "blue flu" had people calling in sick, and when the earthquake – if that's what it was- hit, the building was largely unoccupied. Others who were in the building wondered at this strange, mass "call in" and some of them "got a very strong feeling" and left the building too. Over time, many stories from all over the world like this one emerged, tales of disasters, but also of strange, even miraculous, escapes within them. So prevalent was this that a running joke emerged in many countries all along the same line: "No, I _don't_ want to hear how you survived disaster _x_!"

In time, scientific explanations for the Pacific phenomenon emerged. That earth was struck by a "quantum filament" of unusual size and power was probably the most debated and interesting, though this smacked more of science fiction than science, and many were duly amused. Other theories including "an alien invasion" emerged as well, but this did nothing to douse the brushfire of "happenings" Hotaru had unleashed. All over the world people realized that this was the result of "a happening," and that it was connected to the strange phenomenon that occurred over the Pacific ocean. All of this would become known only in the days to come.

Of more immediate concern is what happened after the Senshi of Ruin fell into the sea.

* * *

Sailors Neptune, Pluto and Uranus came around a grove of palm trees, and saw the rocky outcropping where the waves had deposited Hotaru and Kuryakin. As they clambered down to them, they saw Hotaru, de-transformed and glowing pink, holding Kuryakin's head in her lap. She was sniffling. He was on his back, gasping from a wound that went clear through his lower chest. There was another through his right leg, and the salt water from the fall into the ocean had made the pain nigh unbearable. Only by Hotaru's healing power was Kuryakin still alive, and conscious.

"Kuryakin-sensei, … I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"What happened in there?" Sailor Uranus asked gently.

"He was … shielding me against them, while I tried to get my footing. I stumbled several times, but he caught me and kept me upright. Then I managed to stand, and bring down the Glaive. I saw it. I saw the wave of destruction –I've never seen it before, only its effects- and the enemies shrieking at its approach, trying to flee as it rolled over them, unmaking them, pulling them to their doom. It was ... beautiful, so beautiful … I couldn't move. I could see the return wave coming, to close the loop and complete the destruction. He called to me, again and again, but … I couldn't move. It was just so … perfect, I couldn't take my eyes off it. He had to drop his guard to pull me out as the counter shock hit."

"On my … life, I said," he coughed. "And … here she is."

"But not as I was before," she said.

"Are you … hurt?" he asked anxiously, despite his own condition.

"I'm soaking wet," she said, gamely trying to add levity to the situation.

"Your weapon … called to avenge … the blood of the innocent," said Kuryakin through the pain. "There was yet … innocent blood on my hands. Some of mine … was forfeit … as well. Perhaps all of it."

"Yet you were able to shield me from the wave."

"Because … I … love you, … and could not bear … to see you die for me."

"I cannot bear to see you die either."

"Then maybe you can keep me alive long enough," he said, but she could tell he wasn't confident of this at all.

"I'll do it. As long as I must, I'll keep you alive."

"Their blades … are poisoned," he said. "You should try to stop … the poison first."

"Can a doctor help you?" Hotaru asked.

"Other than you, the only ones … who can help … me are still two days … away," he said, and then his body contorted.

"You have to live, Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru mewed. "Please. You have to want to live."

"I do," he said after she drew away some more of the pain, wincing as she did. "Now that I have someone to live for. It's funny. When I lost my wife, I wanted to die. Even after I gave up trying to kill myself by neglect, for a long time, in all my battles, I was still trying to die, but in an acceptable way. So I flung myself into every battle without fear or hesitation. Now that I really want to live, I might … not … I feel so cold … so cold …"

Sailors Uranus and Neptune came closer but Sailor Pluto kept back. She didn't want to, but the same reticence that had characterized her thoughts about the man from the beginning froze her in that spot. She was only able to force herself to take a step closer when she was able to ask herself _'Was I in love with him from the moment I saw him?'_ Part of her wanted to cry, to say what she felt, to do something, anything to try and help him survive. Perhaps he would find strength to live if she told him that she loved him, that she wanted him to live, that she'd do anything for him, yet something cold inside her would not let her. But why? These might be the man's last moments. He ought to know … how she felt. She had almost told him the previous night, when they were talking quietly outside the guest room … _'his room'_ she thought. Had she actually _liked_ having him around? And if he did die, Hotaru might be crushed by the weight of the love she so obviously felt for him now. Why couldn't she bring herself to give what help she could? Kuryakin was very pale and still now. He was a full-grown man, but like this, he was more like those little boys that got hurt on the playground at Juuban Elementary. Though part of her fought so hotly against it, tears began forming in her eyes.

Sailor Neptune was surreptitiously watching her.

'_What is going on inside her?'_

Kuryakin hacked up a bit of blood and then, with new life, bolted to a sitting position.

"They're coming … They're here …" he said with labored breathing, but a bit of a smile on his face. He slowly lay down again. "Just hold on a little longer, Hotaru-chan. They just need a minute to locate me."

* * *

Off in the distance there were still heavy banks of clouds left over from the storm. Then, knifing through them, came two vertical beams of light. They were at an odd angle, as if their reference point was a plane outside the terrestrial horizontal. The beams got thicker as they got closer, and now could be seen as cylinders filled with textured, sparkling light, and brimming with energy.

The two beams came in among them, then righted themselves according to terrestrial horizontal, and then coalesced into two very human forms. One was that insanely handsome blond-haired man they had seen in the messages Kuryakin received from Oyarandra. The other was stunning woman with tan skin and beautiful, long, straight silvery hair.

"Hello, Brave and Beautiful Guardians," said the man. "I am Calev."

"And I am Tara," said the woman whose voice was like wind song. "We can talk later, but we must see to the Kure Arkhon, first."

"And here he is, quite the worse for wear, as usual," said Calev.

"Please," said Hotaru, "help him quickly. He's close to death, and in so much pain."

But the man seemed more interested in staring at Hotaru.

"Tara, look here."

The silver-haired woman looked at her, got a knowing and slightly reverent look in her eyes, and then the two of them began speaking in a language none of the Senshi understood.

Calev:_ It must have been her 'wave' we felt. So, this is where she will come from._

Tara:_ How blessed we are to have seen her so long before her accession. She seems so sad in this place and time._

Calev:_ Indeed, if she only knew what awaited her, for in time she will think of this as mere beginning…_

Tara:_ Ah, if only we could meet the other one. The Lady who will be here when she is there, at the coming together of the galaxies …_

"Silence!" Kuryakin found the strength to grunt. "Speak in their tongue … or hold your own. You're being rude."

"Yes sir," said Calev.

"How did you get here so quickly?"

"Not sure how that happened. One moment we were two days away, the next we could see the end."

"Would you please help him?" said Hotaru, looking a bit perturbed.

"Yes, My Lady," both of them said, very deferentially.

The two of them knelt on either side of Kuryakin.

"You … know what we need to do, of course?" Calev asked Kuryakin.

Kuryakin winced and nodded. This was never pleasant.

"What will you have to do?" asked Hotaru.

"Well, My Lady," said Calev, "the poison is all through his system, and the only way to save his body …"

"… is to de-cohere him," Tara finished.

"Will it hurt?"

They looked at each other, and then at Hotaru, and both nodded in a way that suggested the answer was _'more than you can possibly imagine.'_

"We've had to do this twice before," said Tara gravely to Sailor Saturn.

"If it will hurt so much, then don't," said Sailor Saturn. "I will heal him no matter how long it takes."

"Strong as you are you won't be able to defeat the poison in time. It is best to get it over with quickly. But you can still help. Move behind him … that's it … and hold his head. Be ready to draw off as much of the pain as you can take."

Spheres of light that seemed to be drawn from their very hearts appeared in their hands, and a flash of light began etching a circle in the ground, drawing a perimeter around them all.

"In or out of the circle, you're far too close" said Tara looking around at the Elder Outers. "When he de-coheres you are all likely to … see things, in the way he sees them, so you may as well be inside the circle and see clearly." Then she looked at Hotaru, and smiled so kindly at her, that even in the violence that followed, there was no fear.

"Are you ready?"

Kuryakin was white as a sheet, but nodded, his mouth tightly shut in expectation of what was coming.

"Forgive us, sir."

The two Oyarandran healers pushed their spheres of light together and then drove them down into his body. What followed was horrible, but wonderful, too. With an expression of profound pain on his face, light flooded Kuryakin's body and, in stages, he came apart in the form of spiraling ribbons of pure white light that shot in all directions. They were contained by the cylindrical boundary defined by the circle, which became visible when the spirals of light ricocheted off of it, and began flying ever upward into a vast column of pure white light that lit up the sky. Here and there, tarry, jagged-edged streaks could be seen amongst the ribbons. Hotaru, who clenched her teeth in a determination to bear the agony she was successfully drawing off no matter what, could no longer see his body, but somehow she could still feel his head in her hands. Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Pluto were pushed back against the bounding cylinder, their faces shocked, though pleasantly, by the light being released. They could feel its power, and unable to get any further away, they were being drawn into it. Out of the corner of her eye, Pluto noticed that the tarry streaks were slowly being pushed to the boundary, and, as though it were some kind of energy osmotic filter, they passed through. Deprived of their parasitical connection to the light, they imploded. It occurred to her she felt that something similar was happening to her – or trying to.

* * *

Three thousand miles away, the Inner Senshi were outside helping Rei Hino sweep up leaves at Hikawa shrine. Mamoru had comes out just a few minute ago and told them that the terrible storm appeared to be breaking up. He had gone back inside and was there for only a few minutes when Usagi suddenly seized up, gasped in apparent pain, arched backwards, and then, as her body began to glow, collapsed.

"Usagi!" shrieked Ami Mizuno, as she ran to catch her.

"What is it?" yelled Minako, as she and Makoto had heard Ami's cry and came running.

They saw Usagi flat on her back, and looking utterly, though not unpleasantly, dazed.

"Mamoru-san!" Rei yelled toward the shrine. "Something's happening to Usagi!"

Chiba came out, took one look and ran to her.

"Usa-ko!"

Lying on her back, Usagi had transformed into Eternal Sailor Moon without intending it. She raised her head, looked toward the south, and said, "It's all right, I'm okay, but do you see it? That light in the south. My light. It is being released somewhere. I can feel it, I can see it. I can see them. The Outer Senshi, they have been in a terrible fight. But they've won."

"Tell us what you see, Sailor Moon," said Ami-chan, fascinated by the implications of what she'd just said.

"I am with them," she said. "And that man is there. He is calling me, somehow."

"We've got to get her out of sight," said Mamoru as he and Makoto picked her up and carried her behind the temple.


	38. Chapter 10 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 010 – The World They Wish For**

**(Part 3)**

* * *

As the light that was Kuryakin's body swirled around them in the bounding cylinder, the Outer Senshi felt their thoughts disintegrating. They felt themselves being pulled backward in time, to those moments before each of them realized what the Ravager was doing to them. All the attendant emotions rushed upon them wrapping them up as tightly as had the enemy's snares.

Night had fallen in the barren, desolated landscape, where sat the little girl with the sable hair and the violet eyes. She remembered trying to water a tiny seed into life, but she had only one tear to give, and thus she could do nothing more. It was dark, and nearly all light seemed to have deserted this world. Then she heard a voice.

"Hello."

She turned and in the darkness, she saw a shape. There was just enough sky-shine for her to make out the form of this person. She looked very familiar.

"Hi," she said in a broken voice.

"Why are you so sad?" asked the stranger.

"Everything I loved is gone," said Hotaru, sniffing. "And it's my fault. I am sad because all I have the power to do is destroy. My very existence is death. I am one who should have never been born."

"Hmmm, that does sound sad."

"Who are you?" Hotaru asked, sniffling.

"I am one who should have been born, but wasn't."

A little bit of light was coming from the horizon and she could see the little girl much better now.

" Y'know," said the stranger, " I saw you over here, and I was thinking maybe together we can make a whole person."

"Together?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well," said the strange girl, "if you don't have anything better to do, we could go to the place I was meant to go. I think I can get us there. Maybe with a little of your help."

"I'm stuck in this place. And I am too weak anyway. I would be of no help to you."

"Hmm, how long have you been here?"

"I cannot remember," said Hotaru.

"Perhaps you are unwilling to let go of this place."

"No, that's not true. I long to be freed from this place."

"Then stand and walk away," said the stranger, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Who are you?" asked Hotaru, suddenly suspicious. "How did you find me in this darkness?"

"I've been wandering around here for seventy years."

"Oh, how awful," said Hotaru, "to be in this terrible place for so long."

"No, it has been all right," she said sincerely. "It is an oppressive place, yes, but I think someone has been carrying the burden of it for me."

"Really?" said Hotaru, intrigued by this. "Who?"

The strange girl smiled shyly. "My dad. He's been looking for me. But he doesn't know how to find me."

"Is that why you want to go to the place you were meant to be."

"Yes, I really want to see him. Why don't you come with me?"

"Wait a minute," said Hotaru, suddenly more suspicious than ever. A light was definitely dawning in the east, and she could see the girl clearly now. It was as though she was looking in a mirror.

"You're my replacement. I'm not needed anymore," she sobbed in horror. "Nothing I've done has mattered. I and all my family are to go into non-existence."

"No," said the girl smiling placatively. "If you appear at all, it means that you did something good. That you are so substantial means you did much good, and all of it is to be saved. I can see you now, too. You are the hope of your father and mother. Whatever happened to them, whatever they did, there was some good in it. I think I found you so that good could be saved."

Hotaru's terror abated a little, and the girl came closer to her.

"You and I are one. There is only one Father in the end. All that is good in any father is found in Him. Nothing bad can be. Before Him no good done by you is lost, and nothing bad can remain. If you have come this far, there is nothing keeping you from going the rest of the way."

"The horizon," said Hotaru as she stood up. "It's so far away. I've never been good at going long distances.

"I'll get you the rest of the way."

"I did terrible things."

"You were used. Any purification needed was accomplished by sacrificing yourself. You have loved more and been loved more than you could possibly know. You must not be lost. I will help you. Will you come with me? We are the same after all. I long for you to, but I will go on without you if I must. I have come this far, and so have you. Let's go the rest of the way together. Please come."

"I'm so ashamed. The light hurts me. As I said, I am one who should have never been born.

"Can you not think of one good thing about having been born? Even one?"

"I got to meet Chibiusa. I saved her, in the end."

"Then for her sake, if not your own, you must come with me. After all, I want to meet her, too. In fact, now that you mention the name, I MUST meet her. I long to meet her. It burns white hot within me, this longing to meet her."

"I may yet do terrible things."

"It is our purpose. One day, there will be an end to our endings."

"Really?"

"I swear it. Remember the vase? You brooded and hovered over it, you struggled with it, you judged it and then, one day it was done, and perfectly."

Hotaru tried to walk a little, but collapsed.

"I can not move. I am too weak to go all the way."

"Will you let me carry you? I can do it. I'm strong, I am. I'll carry you."

"I will only be a burden to you."

"So? You will be _my_ burden. I choose you, and I will carry you gladly. Please?"

Hotaru Tomoe smiled a tiny, hopeful smile.

"All the hope of your mother and father are in you. You must reach the end or you and they will be lost. I beg you to let me carry you."

Hotaru Tomoe smiled and nodded, tears of gratitude on her cheeks. She put her arm around the little girl, and the two of them began walking. As they did, she could feel herself getting stronger, and then she no longer needed the support. They walked together side by side. Then the little girl began to run, and Hotaru followed and caught up to her and when their hands touched, they were one, and now she ran faster than she ever had toward that horizon where the great, white pinwheel of light rose like a sun. Hotaru felt the strength to reach it coursing through her, and wept for the joy of it. Her tears hit the ground and where they did, life came back into the soil.

* * *

But it was only the beginning.

The girl with hair like waves of the ocean was back in that deep, deep hole. She was stagnant and fetid, and her heart was breaking for the sadness of her state. She longed to break out of that place. She longed to rush along the mountains and the valleys, the sea beds and the ocean floors of the world. But more than that, she was saddened – oh, so saddened- that she had not seen the face of that wind that had moved her so, just once, before succumbing to this awful fate. As her tears fell around her, they began to purify her, until, despite her stagnation, she was clear and clean, like water strained through an aquifer. And in the clear reflection of herself, she saw it: the face of the wind.

Above the deep hole where the waters had disappeared, the wind was held still by its sense of inadequacy and contingency. "If only I could cry," she thought. Somehow, she sensed, that would free her. She wanted to cry, if only for the sake of the one she so longed to be with, but she could not. She did not know whether it was because she was too strong and too proud, or because she was not strong or proud enough. Perhaps those were the same things. She began to drift away from the place where the waters were buried until she could barely remember what it was she had lost that was making her heart break so much. She was floating lazily about, and settled just above the ground.

Suddenly, a little girl with sable hair ran by, and she was laughing but weeping too - weeping for joy. Her tears fell on the face of the wind, and though they were not her own, they … sufficed. Suddenly, she broke free. She rushed forward, found the little girl, and twirled about her. The girl felt the wind on her face and laughed all the more. The wind thanked her again and again: the little girl had done for her what she could not do for herself.

Then she left the girl to her revelries. The wind soared into the sky with a rush of power it could normally only achieve by soaring on humid updrafts. The air was still dry, but it would not be for long. This she vowed. She found the place where the hole had swallowed the waters, and plunged downward, ever faster, toward it. She spiraled harder and faster, and then rushing to that abyss, she could see the face of the waters. It drew her on, and gave her more and more strength. The wind hit the water, and like a massive geyser, the waters were liberated. They blasted into the sky together, spinning around each other laughing with each other, feeding off each other. The wind scattered the waters into vapor which the hit the upper atmosphere, and began condensing into many clouds, until great squall lines formed and began sending rain to the surface.

The water splashed on the face of the little girl below. She could see great sheets of flooding rain forming little streams that rushed down the mountainsides. They formed into bigger streams, until they became great rivers, and began filling up the sea beds. It was happening unnaturally fast, but now great tidal waves roared through the straits of the seas and returned the oceans to their proper state.

The little girl was momentarily caught by one of the tidal waves that rushed into the ocean bed, but then it deposited her on the beach and she stood up. A silence descended for a few minutes. Complete silence, but a good one too. It was not the rapacious crushing of all good things by a noise so ruthless and, even were it not wholly evil, so ham-handed that it can only negate all good sounds. This was the resolution of the music in all the things around her into one perfect silence, like the final dying away of a beautiful symphony that ends on a pianissimo: the silence that alone can communicate the ineffable and ineluctable grace by which all things cohere. She felt she should utter words of gratitude, but to speak is to lose much of the thing spoken of in the moment of speaking. Yet there is no help for it until that which is perfect has come. Until that time, she would bear all things, and then when that which was perfect had come, and that which is in part is to be done away with, she would be the one to end it. And thus would come the end of her endings. One day she would be complete, and never be called upon to do it again. She would lay down her weapon. Until then, she would keep doing her best till her life burned out. She whispered a silent thanks for the hope of that great day.

Then a gust of wind surrounded her, and took solid form. Likewise, the wave that deposited her onshore.

"Haruka-poppa, Michiru-momma?"

"Heh, hello, Hime-chan," said Haruka, looking taller and stronger than ever. It may have been mere self deception on her part, but somehow she felt she was stronger. She might even be strong enough to do the thing she wanted most of all: to defend her Princess against all comers with her own two hands.

"My, aren't we happy?" said Michiru, looking as beautiful as ever, but with an added warmth that went deeper than it ever had before. And with it came an energy that made her vision clearer than ever. "So what have we learned today?"

"Hmm?" she said looking puzzled for a moment, as they each took one of her hands. "I guess … maybe …" -and then it suddenly struck her- "that this is the world we always wished for."

"That's right," said Michiru. "We had it all along, because we had each other, yet we never quite realized it. Anything else?"

"All's well that ends?" said Hotaru.

Haruka and Michiru laughed.

* * *

A beautiful woman with emerald tinted hair arose from the place where she was laying in a state of euphoria. She was still in that soft place, and even though night had fallen, she was still with her lover and did not want to leave. Finally she opened her eyes, and saw, dimly, what she expected to see. It was him. And he was with her.

She heard voices in the plain below and went over to see them.

"I shall return in a moment," she said to the shadowy figure with the outline of King Endymion.

"Hurry back," she thought she heard him whisper.

Down below she saw the three figures as they walked toward the horizon. She was not laughing. She was thinking hard. She … should be with them, and journeying with them toward that strange pinwheel-like sun rising in the east. She nearly called to them and ran to join them, but when she heard the words "all is well that ends," her heart suddenly twisted and shriveled inside her. She wanted to go to them, but she wanted to get back to him, too, and … there was something about those words …

Then Hotaru looked over her shoulder.

"Setsuna-momma!" she cried out. Hotaru let go of Haruka and Michiru and ran toward her, but then the troubled expression on Setsuna's face slowed her pace.

"Setsuna-momma, what's wrong?"

"I do not know, Hotaru," she said, her voice halfway between sadness and anger. It is just that I feel this pull to … go back. I do not believe that it is … over."

And then something strange happened. Sailor Pluto was suddenly standing behind her. She slowly wrapped her arms around Setsuna. "You must come back," she whispered in Setsuna's ear.

"Setsuna-momma, I don't know quite what all this 'seeing' means, but you should come with us. There's no reason not to."

"No, Hotaru," said Setsuna, looking sadder by the moment. No one but the Princess herself could ever look as sad as she. "I am as one who has swum all the way across an ocean of time. I can not falter now that I am only a few hundred feet from the shore."

"Puruto, let her go," Hotaru pleaded quietly but urgently, "Setsuna-momma, I think you've misjudge the situation. You betray nothing by coming with us."

"In my shoes, would you take that chance?" she said, turning and walking away. And then, Setsuna was gone, and there was only Sailor Pluto. Hotaru became more and more frightened. She saw now that this vision was about how things were coming to a focal point. Things must either blow cold or blow hot, as they say.

"Hotaru," said Michiru, "you can go with her. But we are certain that we must go on ahead."

"She's made her choice," said Haruka. "But I think Michiru is right …"

Sailor Pluto could hear all this, and in her heart was secretly glad it seemed that Hotaru was thinking of coming with her. But there was a part of her that seemed to hope Hotaru wouldn't come, and that she was making the greatest mistake of her life in not going with them.

"… and I think you should come with us, Hotaru," Haruka finished her thought.

Sailor Pluto stopped, and looked back over her shoulder to see what Hotaru would do. Hotaru almost went to Setsuna but a voice inside her said, "Wait! Remember, I am part of you now, and we must go to that place I was meant to be in." She looked at Setsuna her expression getting sadder, but more resolute by the moment. She turned away from Setsuna, took Haruka and Michiru's hands, and they began walking away.

Pluto watched as they did, her expression becoming bitterer by the moment. She ran back to the place where she had been laying with King Endymion. He was not there. But she heard his voice call to her.

"This way," he said, summoning her deeper into the darkness that was now retreating from the breaking dawn. She quickly caught up to him. He took her in his arms, and Pluto looked into the eyes of her King, but … they were not there. There was nothing but blackness. Yet, she did not scream or even try to get away, and that eyeless face came closer, and closer until it was about to kiss her. Then the seeing ended.

* * *

The healers had almost finished their work. Peter Kuryakin's body was being slowly rewoven out of the spiraling ribbons of light. He would return to it soon, but there was something he needed to do first. He looked around and finally found what – or rather who – he was looking for.

"Hello, Funny Bunny."

"You're hurt," said Neo-Queen Serenity, turning to look at him.

"Aren't we all in some way?"

"Yes, but …"

"This too shall pass. I'll be fine."

"Shall we talk?"

"It was you calling me all this time."

"I was calling for _something_, yes," said the Queen. "I was hoping to fix a problem. It seems you're what I came up with."

Kuryakin smiled, "And has that been accomplished?"

"No, not yet. We've gotten _Satahrn_ back, but I still cannot see _her_. In fact, I may have made the situation worse? Why is it always that way?"

"It's often seems that way, before it all comes right."

"No, I mean why am I always given a situation where I must lose one thing to save another?"

"Because you care whether you lose them, I think. And so, determined not to lose either, you find a way, though it costs you your very self. _Respondeo, etsi mutabor._ You respond -with all your heart, though you will be changed. It is thus that love will conquer death."

Neo-Queen Serenity smiled at the tall man.

"You're so tall … so … polished."

"Don't worry, you'll catch up. I'll help if your past self will let me."

"I don't want to be a bother."

"You really are a funny bunny," he said deferentially. "I'm sorry, I don't much believe in royalty myself, but I don't mean to sound too familiar."

"Daijobuu (It's okay)," said Neo-Queen Serenity. "I like that you are formal –or not- to everyone, each according to their need. We are friends. Anyway, you were saying …?"

"Maybe I have learned everything the hard way so that you don't have to so much. Will you let me help you? Like you've helped me. Please?"

"You're sweet."

"Like you."

"I do wonder how you come to have my light.'

"My wife was very like you. I think she married me knowing … certain things would happen, and yet she wanted to go on, so she put herself into me."

"It is true that don't fully know myself," said the beautiful queen thoughtfully. "There is so much yet before us."

"Indeed, but, at any rate, I think it is different forms of the same thing. You are the sun; I am the rays."

"My how you've fallen for her."

"Nothing less than that will be enough, I fear," said the tall man. "I'll do my best, but the outcome is in doubt."

"Yes, please, do everything you can."

"You should have another plan if I fail."

"I do," she winked. "I'm glad you survived."

"You can thank Hotaru for that."

"I will, when I see her again. And I _will_ see her again."

"Till we meet again, Funny Bunny," he said with a slight bow.

* * *

"Usa-ko, are you all right?" said Mamoru urgently.

"Umm, hum," said Usagi as she de-transformed. She had fallen into unconsciousness when they carried her into Rei-chan's bedroom. Then a few minutes later, she came too.

"What happened?" asked Ami, excitedly.

"I'm not exactly sure. I don't remember much. But it felt wonderful …"

Rei brought Usagi something to eat and drink, and she did so in lusty fashion. Mamoru told her that whatever that freak storm was, it had clearly collapsed, and now rescue efforts and environmental damage assessments were underway. Usagi tried to look interested but her eyes glazed over a bit.

"You're sure you're all right?" asked Makoto Kino.

"Oh yeah," said Usagi, waving them all off. "So … shouldn't we get back to studying?"

A book dropped to the floor at Ami Mizuno's feet. She looked utterly stunned at these words. She wasn't the only one.

* * *

"And we are done," said Calev.

"Not entirely," said Kuryakin groggily. He tried to move, but his body was a limp and heavy as a sodden carpet.

"Don't try to move, sir," said Calev. "It'll be while before you can even think about doing anything."

"That wasn't quite so bad this time."

"Um, … this time, you had help, sir," he said, as he winked at Hotaru. Hotaru smiled, and then looked at him with considerable interest. He had looked ten years older when Sailor Neptune summoned them from the sea. Now, he had regained some of his youthful appearance, though he was still noticeably older looking. They drug him a little ways and then propped him up against some rocks.

"Comfy, sir?"

"I'll let you know," said Kuryakin, "as soon as I can feel my body again. Now then, full reparations must be made for our mistake."

"I shall see to it, sir," said Tara, in her sweet, musical voice.

"Yes, Tara, … thank you. No one does that as well as you."

"But before I go," she said, suddenly impish in her expression, "there are some little housekeeping matters we must discuss."

"Oh?" said Kuryakin.

"Yes," said Calev. "Our fee, for one thing."

Kuryakin sighed, as Calev produced a piece of deeply textured paper with very ornate writing on it. Hotaru was able to glimpse it, but did not understand the alphabet, nor most likely the language, it was written in.

"I see the price has gone up," Kuryakin said wanly.

"Well, with the distance involved, we felt …"

"It's not like you had to walk all the way," Kuryakin said as caustically as he could manage at the moment.

"Please note, that's three cases… each," said Tara with a sweet smile.

"Yes, yes," Kuryakin said with a wave of his hand –or an attempt at it. "I'll forward that to the family. Now get going."

Tara nodded, and then she stood up and became that swirling column of light that suddenly went askew, and then departed.

* * *

"Also, Calev, gifts must be given to those who helped us."

"I'll see to that right now," he said standing up. He began with Sailor Uranus. She bristled only a little as he put his hands on her shoulders and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he looked at the talisman she still held in her hand.

"May I see this for a moment?" he asked. She was wary, but allowed him to hold it. "This sword failed you several months ago: you, who long for the strength to defend that which you love most deeply with your own two hands." A flash enveloped the talisman for a few moments. It glowed white with heat, and then quickly returned to normal. "No one will ever take this from your hand without your consent," he said as he handed it back to her, "nor will it ever fail you again." Sailor Uranus eyed it carefully to see if anything was different, and seemed satisfied that no harm was done, nor that it was different in anyway. Time would perhaps reveal that, she decided.

Calev asked for Michiru's talisman next. He took a few moments to look at it, nodding and "hmm-ing" with appreciation for it. "This is most superb. And how well must be able to see with it."

Sailor Neptune nodded.

"I cannot improve upon this," he said, "but if I may?" Then he touched the gemstone in her tiara with an outstretched finger and a light appeared. "Now _you_ will now see further and sooner with it." She cocked her head for a moment, then looked at the mirror, and said, "Arigato."

When he came to Sailor Pluto, something strange happened. He took his time appraising her, then with a look of reticence on his face -as though something was wrong, or at least questionable- he looked back at Kuryakin. Kuryakin nodded his head toward her as if to say, "go ahead." Calev seemed surprised for a moment, then that look eventually melted into an appreciation for just how much Kuryakin must be in love with her, and how far he was willing to go in that. Calev assented and then asked for Pluto's Garnet Rod. She allowed him to take it, and he began to run his hands up and down the length, as though he was searching out weak points.

"This weapon was broken recently, and its power to protect a pure heart was compromised. But no more."

It glowed here and there. She was satisfied that this person meant no harm, and that if he were doing anything bad to the Garnet Rod, it would react and reject his touch. It did not, and he continued to work with it until, satisfied, he handed it back to her. "It shall never break again, nor shall anyone ever be able to take it from you without your consent." She examined it, and nodded.

Hotaru realized she was a part of this, and so she had quietly transformed into Sailor Saturn. Calev came up to her, and seeing her in this form, seemed doubly deferential toward her. In fact, he almost looked as if her were going to kneel. Instead, he smiled and asked for her "Thanatos Wave Maker." He worked with it as he had with Sailor Pluto's Garnet Rod. Then as he prepared to hand it back to her, he said, "This weapon too was broken recently. Dreadful though it is, you shall have need of it for a while yet. It shall never break again, nor shall any ever take it from you without your consent. But one day, you shall willingly lay it down."

Sailor Saturn smiled at the thought of that.

"Thank you all, for how you have helped the Kure Arkhon. You now have a share in all his works. We are deeply saddened for the great damage done here, yet you may, I hope, take comfort that because of what happened here, there will a greater peace in a far away place. Sometimes, the altar must be built in one place, so the fire can fall in another. One day that peace will come here too. Until then, be strong and of good cheer, beautiful warriors, and do not tire of well doing."

Then that column of light that signaled the approach of the other healer appeared, and resolved into Tara, who then reported to Kuryakin.

"It will take some time to manifest in some places, but the reparation has begun."

"Good," said Kuryakin, who seemed able to move a little now.

"So then, sir," said Calev, "Where is your dwelling here?"

"He doesn't have a home right now," said Hotaru, who had just de-transformed again. "The enemy destroyed it."

"Then, where shall we take you."

"He can stay with us," said Hotaru.

"No," Kuryakin said, glancing at Sailor Pluto. "Thank you, but … no. There is a place in Tokyo. They know me. I've helped them a lot in the past. They will take care of me for the next little bit."

Then Sailor Pluto came to him and knelt down, looking him in the eyes.

"I did not mean …" she said, fumbling for words as though some hidden motivation had been exposed, and she needed to make amends, "I was not … trying to kill you …"

"It had to be done," he said softly.

"I am sorry. Let us see to your recovery, please."

He seemed to consider this for a minute, and then looked deeply into eyes that were sincere enough in their pleading.

'_She still doesn't see it.'_

Firmly, though with sadness, he said, "No. Tara, see to their safe return."

"Of course," she said.

"Let's go, Calev."

"Kuryakin-sensei," said Hotaru, as Calev began lifting Kuryakin up from behind, "will we … will I … ever see you again?"

As he began to disappear, the tiny smile at the corners of his mouth was all the answer he could give her.

Tara asked the Outer Senshi to form a circle around her, and then they too saw the island of Tinuatu begin to dissolve around them. As it did, they heard massive rumblings and saw great gouts of lava bursting suddenly from the shattered lava dome.

* * *

"The Tinuatu Volcano, long supposed extinct, is erupting spectacularly. This is only the latest in a series of geological disturbances that have been blamed on the strange Pacific Ocean phenomenon," said the announcer as Hotaru sat in front of the TV writing in a journal that she had begun in imitation of her tutor. It was early morning, and she had a very interesting item to put in it.

_In judgement, there is hope,' _she began writing, _"It is the illegitimate that are spoiled and indulged. But the legitimate sons and daughters are chastised, and must struggle, to keep their hearts pure and their dreams alive. With destruction comes the hope of rebirth. With judgement comes clarity, purification, and the hope of that final form of Love: Forgiveness._

_In that spirit of chastisement and forgiveness, I note the following: yesterday, the day after we returned, Ami Mizuno-san got word to come to her mother's hospital. Her father had been brought in after being airlifted from a hospital in Hokkaido. He was not in the best of shape. He had been injured during the "Pacific Phenomenon," though the details of how were sketchy. There was an unusual earthquake in Hokkaido that day. His arm was badly hurt, and apparently, his future as a working artist is in doubt. I hope he will be all right. It is not clear what will come of this. I hope to find out more when I go to a Christmas Eve sleepover at Usagi-chan's house."_

Hotaru stopped writing and watched the TV where a scientist was explaining his theory of what had reactivated the Tinuatu volcano. He believed that the "Pacific Phenomenon" had created a gravitational imbalance, a 'vacuum' for want of a better term that ruptured the earth's crust over Tinuatu. The precocious Hotaru chuckled to herself.

'_The Magellan Rise was much thicker than the surrounding crust. It was thickest where the tubes had solidified. Why, then, did the magma from the upper mantle punch through there?'_

Hotaru began writing again. Haruka had taken off yesterday after school without a word concerning where she was going. Michiru, of course, went along, and Haruka had her bring her violin:

_When they returned, I found out that Haruka-poppa had gone to visit 'her number one fan,' Aiko Kajiwara-san (I thought I was her number one fan - must have a little chat with Haruka-poppa.) While she visited with her, Michiru-momma held an impromptu recital for the widow Kajiwara-sama. Eventually, Haruka-poppa and Aiko-chan rejoined them, and Haruka-poppa played piano for Michiru-momma. At the end, Kajiwara-sama took them both aside, and asked if all the recent and ongoing "happenings" were a sign of more trouble, or something else._

"_Something else," Haruka-poppa said. "I doubt you'll be seeing anymore of … those people." _

_They said Kajiwara-sama looked grimly satisfied, and gave Haruka-poppa permission to look in on Aiko-chan now and then. Haruka-poppa suggested some free tickets to a race or two might be in the offing._

_Afterward, they went to an art exhibit where, among the many artists and art forms represented, two of Michiru-momma's paintings were on display. She was not expected to be there for it, but she had decided at the last moment she ought to put in an appearance. She ran into a young, very devoted fan of her art. Michiru-momma said she'd first met him while walking with Usagi-chan. When he saw her, he apologized for being a nuisance, but Michiru-momma quickly set him at ease and thanked him for being so kind where her art was concerned. The two of them talked about her painting, a stunning three panel seascape with a setting sun at one end and a rising moon at the other (I watched her paint it; it's sublime.) The young man said he'd spent the hour before Michiru arrived studying this latest work from his favorite artist, and Michiru-momma said he really knows his stuff. She sounded pretty flattered._

Hotaru smiled with satisfaction. These things boded well, at least as far as she, and her Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma were concerned. Setsuna-momma was another story, insofar as she revealed anything about her thoughts and feelings at all: moody and withdrawn, and even a bit curt at times, not out of peevishness, but, so Hotaru thought, out of distraction. She wondered if they were both thinking the same thing: why had Kuryakin been so firm about not staying with them?

The last thing she wrote in her journal:

_No word yet of where my dear Kuryakin-sensei is. I miss him very much._

She heard Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna coming down for breakfast.

_And, I think, I am not the only one._

Setsuna began breakfast and then went down the hall to start a load of laundry. The phone rang, and Hotaru ran to answer it. She was, of course, hoping it was Kuryakin-sensei. It was not his voice she heard, but that of a young woman. Haruka and Michiru watched as she seemed disappointed, but then suddenly perked up, got very excited, said "Yes, of course, I do, where is he?" and grabbed her journal and pen. When the call was over, she quickly brought Haruka and Michiru up to speed and begged them to take her to see him. Hotaru was supposed to tag along with them at school today, and they agree that they could her there to see him, though it meant they would be late for school, and then pick her up at lunch.

When Setsuna came back into the kitchen, she asked what the phone call was about.

"Wrong number," said all three of them. They weren't sure, but they all thought Setsuna had not bought this explanation.

* * *

She hadn't. It was Friday and, despite the hiatus from university caused by her Senshi duties, she was still well ahead in all classes, and decided to stay home until 9:00 am, when she could go take Inter City Transit to Tokyo and get in some hours at Juuban Elementary. Now alone in the house, she sat at the table looking at her reflection in her tea. It was in the cup Hotaru had made for her.

'_What had that phone call been about? Mister Kuryakin? Why did they hide it from her?'_

There was an even more important question weighing on her mind, but part of the problem was that she couldn't admit to herself that it was all that important.

'_Where is he? Has he given up? Did I finally succeed in driving him away? Why do I care so much? It's what I wanted, isn't it?'_

The face in the tea seemed about to start crying. Why?

She headed upstairs to get ready.

* * *

Hotaru looked at the address she had written on the piece of paper. This seemed to be the place. It was an unremarkable and unmarked building not far from where Kuryakin-sensei's studio once stood. It looked like an old department store that had long since outlived its usefulness in an area of Tokyo where the action had long since moved on. The outside was as well maintained as people of limited means could keep it, but it seemed like they were slowly losing the battle. But Hotaru had learned not to judge things by outward appearances, not that she ever really did, and somehow it made perfect sense to her that this is exactly the sort of place where Kuryakin-sensei would end up for recuperation.

Haruka and Michiru went into it with her. They saw a few old desks staffed by very courteous and matronly women, many of them foreign, and many wearing the habits or other uniforms of religious orders. The three very classy women went up to one of them and explained their business. The woman said, "Ah yes," and immediately picked up the phone.

"The girl you told me about? She's here," the woman said.

She invited them all to have a seat, but while Haruka and Michiru sat down, Hotaru asked the woman about this place and found out it was a kind of hospice / food pantry / charity organization, run jointly by numerous groups. Another woman came out into the office area a few minutes later and introduced herself as the director of this establishment. She was Japanese, and dressed very professionally. In fact, she was, perhaps, better dressed than this humble, ramshackle operation warranted. She lead them down the hall, and then through into a room which, Hotaru surmised, once housed this building's financial operations, for at the back of it was a large, bank-type vault. The door was open but there was another door at the back that was locked. For a brief moment, Hotaru felt a pang of nostalgia for her old house and her dad's secret lab. As the woman got out a key to open the door, she said, "Mister Kuryakin said I should trust you completely, but I hope you will keep what you are about to see a secret." All three of them nodded. She opened the door and led them down a stairwell, and then through a door at the bottom of it. It was a fallout shelter. Inside there was a young woman in a nurse's uniform sitting in a chair reading a book. She rose, acknowledged the presence of the director and the three visitors, and then excused herself.

She had been sitting next to a large, round, glass paneled tank, filled with bluish fluid. There was someone in it. It was Kuryakin. He was suspended in the fluid, which bubbled here and there. Hotaru could see currents in the fluid, and realized there must be some sort of mixing pump that kept the substance homogenized. It looked like some sort of futuristic rejuvenation tank, but the most interesting thing about it was that Kuryakin didn't have on any breathing mask. She peered into the tank, and saw that he was actually breathing the fluid.

The director picked up a microphone and spoke into it.

"The people you asked to come are here, Mister Kuryakin."

His eyes opened slowly, and he turned his head and smiled. He yawned and stretched out, then rolled over. Finding the bottom of the tank with his feet, he stood up, and came over to the edge of the tank, settled into a crouch and rested on it. The director handed him a container and he began the process of expelling the fluid from his lungs. After a few minutes of coughing it up, she handed him a towel, and he wiped his mouth. The director then excused herself.

"Konnichi wa, Hotaru-chan, Koneko-chan," he said playfully.

"Interesting set-up you have here, Mister Kuryakin," said Michiru.

"I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself, of course."

"And you could use a shave," she added.

"Michiru, we need to get to school," said Haruka, who could sense Michiru was slipping into a chatty mood.

"Ah yes, don't let me keep you. When will you be back for Hotaru?"

"About 12:15," said Haruka.

"Thanks so much for bringing her here. I trust Miss Meioh knows nothing of this."

"We're … not sure," said Michiru. "We certainly didn't say anything, but she may realize we were up to something."

* * *

Setsuna went into the office at Juuban Elementary to 'explain' her absence over the last few days. An easy enough matter. By the time she left, no one could remember that she hadn't been there the last few days. She smiled the smile of someone very pleased with herself as she walked down the hallway to her office. She could see the kids taking note of her presence here. She would, no doubt, soon be inundated with cases, mostly of the male persuasion. That was the point of coming today. She didn't want the thoughts that were growing more insistent with every passing moment getting the best of her. The best way to do that was to keep busy.

Just before her first customer came in, she did ponder what that phone call this morning had meant.

* * *

Kuryakin and Hotaru talked of many things. He explained this rejuvenation tank to her. It was his own invention, and she was happy to see it had restored even more of the appearance of youth to him. He now looked only two or three earth years older than before. It used a liquid with a slightly lower surface tension than that of water, which made it easier to breathe the stuff in and out, and also allowed him float just under the surface. The liquid contained many things healthy for the body inside and out, was filled with bio-ready oxygen, and also absorbed toxins. If he got into it soon enough after a battle, it rejuvenated all but the most used up cells in his body.

They talked at length of the battle and they were both interested to hear about what the other saw and did, while they were each fighting their own enemy. Hotaru was very curious about what they had heard when Kuryakin finally dispatched the Ravager, or at least the part of it he was fighting. She also wondered how the two healers managed to get here two days ahead of schedule, and they both concluded that strange as it seemed, Oyarsi-Lurga must have had something to do with that. Hotaru was beginning to remember bits of what happened when she penetrated the vortex, and she told him of that as well. She also asked him about the nature of the "reparations" and he said that she should just watch the news over the next few months and she'd get the idea.

Eventually, the Kittens arrived as promised. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and Kuryakin asked what everyone was doing. The Kittens "had plans" and Hotaru mentioned she had been invited to a sleep over at Usagi-chan's house, though she had not yet told anyone.

"I think they want me to fill them in about what happened these last few days," she said.

"Perfect," he said. "All right, after you leave, I'm going to make a few phone calls, and then I'm going back into this tank for one more day. Now, here's what's going to happen tomorrow night," he said, in a tone that subtly suggested he would brook no dissent and expected the full and enthusiastic cooperation of everyone in the room. Hotaru smiled as he spelled out his plans, but she wondered if one more day in this tank was going to be enough. She was too polite to make mention of it, but Kuryakin-sensei had seemed punch drunk the entire morning.

* * *


	39. Chapter 11 Part 1

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 011 – Only Time Will Tell **

**(Part 1)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

Every woman has 'her chair', something she needs to put herself into, Banes.

You ever figure out what Lisa's chairs were and buy 'em?

**- ****Doc Brunder,**_** Phenomenon**_

--

**Chibiusa:** You wouldn't understand how we feel, Usagi.

**Makoto:** Before Christmas, everyone wants to get close to someone.

It's hard to spend Christmas Eve alone.

**Michiru **_(dreamily, leaning on Haruka)_**:** That's right.

**Setsuna:** One does not wish to be lonely.

**- The Lover of Princess Kaguya** **(Manga)**

* * *

"Merry Christmas … well, Eve, anyway," said Hotaru as she presented her cloisonné vase to Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna. The tea cup had shown the promise of her hidden talent at this art form, and this vase showed her abilities were maturing. Like the cup, it was done in black enamel, but she had done quite a bit more work in creating a sense of depth using various diameters of wire and shading styles. There were flowery wreaths around the Kanji for each of the their first names around the broad part of the vase, and the lettering was done in gold with platinum lining, and shaded very nicely to create a sense of solid, three dimensional form. The top and bottom were lined with Hotaru's first attempt at a straightforward filigree pattern and she had succeeded well, though the pattern was quite intricate for a first timer. This was not only a functional adornment for any room, but something that Hotaru hoped would symbolize a new unity among her and her guardians. Not unnaturally, Michiru was especially appreciative of both the execution and the symbolism.

"Did you come up with this design on your own?" she asked.

"Umm hmm," said Hotaru, and took a piece of paper out of the vase. It was her conceptual drawing for it, done in colored pencil. This time she had filled the page with little notes to herself about how to bring this off.

"I see at least four layers of depth in this," said Michiru. "I'm very impressed that you were able to get this done on time."

"Actually," she smiled, blushing, "it was not that much harder than the cup, since the vase was bigger, and easier to work with."

"Very, very nice, Hotaru," said Haruka. "I think we need to find a room in this house we can turn into an art studio for you."

"That'd be neat, Haruka-poppa. I'd like to learn how to do all the aspects of this, including the machining, and the firing."

"Hotaru, this is wonderful," said Setsuna, as she looked at the Kanji for her name next to Hotaru's, "and very meaningful." She put an arm around Hotaru and pulled her close, as they talked about it for a few minutes more, and then found a special place in the music room for it.

"Well," said Haruka looking at her watch. "I guess it's time for us to get ready. Are you all packed, Hotaru?"

"I think so, Haruka-poppa."

"Packed?" asked Setsuna, after a moment of looking very perplexed.

"Oh, didn't I tell you, Setsuna-momma? I am invited to a sleepover at Usagi-chan's house tonight."

"I … see," said Setsuna. It was not often the time guardian was caught unawares. "I wish you had told me sooner, Hotaru. I … had thought we were … going to be together tonight. I had made dinner and had a few other things in mind."

"Oh no," said Hotaru who was doing a good job of keeping any hint of an in-the-know smile off her lips. "I told Haruka-poppa and Michiru-momma, but I guess I forgot to tell you."

'_She's doing a good job of selling it,'_ thought Michiru.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner," Hotaru said plaintively. "I guess that means you'll be … by yourself tonight. I can call and cancel. I'm sorry for being so thoughtless, Setsuna-momma. Or maybe you could come with me? I'm sure you'd be welcome."

Hotaru could see Haruka snickering behind Setsuna's back. The image of Setsuna Meioh in the middle of a pillow fight was too funny to hold back completely.

"No," Setsuna said, "no, that is quite all right," she said quite sincerely. "I am not much for sleepovers. You have fun with Tsukino-san and company."

Setsuna sat down at the dinner table to finish her tea as the sounds of everyone else getting ready for an evening of fun could be heard in the upstairs rooms. Her expression completely belied what she was feeling right now. On the outside she was someone idly picking up a magazine to read. On the inside she felt … betrayed. It was funny how the most innocent even incidental things, anything that suggested how things had changed in the last four months- felt like body blows to her. Of course, Hotaru needed to "get out more" and Tsukino-san's invitation was a perfect opportunity for this. Surely, it was completely innocent? Or was it? Even here, a sneaking suspicion about Tsukino-san's motivations crept into her thinking. _'They probably want Hotaru to tell them everything about the battle,'_ she thought. _'Perhaps I should go along.'_ Indeed, the longer she thought about it, the one thing this could _not_ be was just an innocent invitation to a girls' night out.

Eventually, Hotaru came downstairs carrying an overnight bag. Haruka was dressed in her white tuxedo and Michiru was in a teal satin gown. Both of them were also carrying overnight bags.

"Now, we'll be back into town tomorrow afternoon. Tsukino-san said Hotaru could stay with her till then."

"Very well," said Setsuna, feigning great disinterest. "There is plenty for me to do around here until you get back."

"Are you sure?" asked Hotaru looking very guilty now.

"Yes, Hotaru."

"Setsuna-momma," she mewed, as she came over and kissed Setsuna on the cheek. "I'm so sorry."

Setsuna smiled forgivingly at her, and they turned and headed out the front door.

'_Christmas is for children anyway,'_ thought Setsuna, as she heard them headed out the front door.

* * *

The quiet of the house took only a couple of minutes to become profound, and then oppressive. Setsuna finally got out her laptop computer. She had typed precisely ten words of something when, completely unbidden, tears started rolling down her cheeks. She let them flow for a minute or so, then, sniffling, dried them, and started to type with renewed vigor, when she heard piano music coming from somewhere. She got up from the table and went quietly toward the music room.

'_When I fall in love …_

'_It will be forever … _

She peeked around the corner.

'_Or I'll never fall in love …'_

The dark shape at the piano was exactly what she expected to see. She let him play on. As she watched, she heard the front door open and saw Haruka, Michiru and Hotaru come back inside with smug smiles on the faces. Once again, she'd been the victim of a ruse. He finished out the song with a flourish.

"You thought I didn't notice, did you?"

"Notice what, Mister Kuryakin?"

"That you were the one who requested that song that night at the hospital."

Setsuna had to smile a little. She thought she had been very clever about that.

"Well, Mister Kuryakin, thank you very much. It was so nice of you to come all the way out here just to play a song for me."

He stood up very carefully, and said, "Actually, I am here for our date, Miss Meioh."

"Our what?" she asked, looking very askance.

"Our Christmas Eve date."

"I was unaware I'd made any such plans," she said indifferently, though with the slightest trace of a smile around the corners of her mouth.

"You hadn't. I did, though, and here I am."

"You should have called first," she said, turning around, heading back into the kitchen and sitting back down with her laptop, "and made a proper request for a date. I can not be 'picked up'."

"You're upset, aren't you?" he asked as he followed. "You're mad that I haven't called you. I can see it. You really enjoyed those phone calls, didn't you?"

She regarded him with what appeared to be mild disdain. In the light, she could see he was wearing a striking, double breasted, white silk suit, with a light-wine colored shirt and matching charmeuse necktie.

"You really do care for me. I wouldn't be surprised to find out you have from the very beginning."

She sighed. "You seem delusional," she said clinically. "You must yet be recovering. You should go home and lie down. For a great, long time."

"I don't have a home right now," he said, meekly, and trying to look as pitiful as possible.

"Oh, then where have you been staying the last few days? But no matter. Pathetic -and cute- as you are, I shall _not_ be going out with you. _Perhaps_ if you had called in advance, not to mention told me where you were and how you were doing, I _might_ have considered it."

"There were reasons, as you well know," he said, kneeling down –or really it was more like collapsing- next to her. "For one thing, today is the first day I have been able to take more than five steps without careening into something."

"I am certain that is true," she said. "You are, clearly, a 'dizzy' individual. Nevertheless, a phone call should not have been too stressful an accomplishment."

"Well, I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to arrange anything like a proper date."

"Nevertheless, a woman needs time to decide on such things, and time to prepare should she be willing. You, sir, should have made proper arrangements," she insisted. "The answer is no."

"Wow, she's really going to make him work for it," said Michiru quietly, as Haruka smirked and Hotaru chuckled.

"It's my birthday," he said, hopeful.

"Not there."

"Oh, actually it is. This is one of those rare times when the birthdays on both worlds coincide, in this case, for about seven of your hours, beginning about three hours ago."

"Fascinating. No," she said quietly but firmly, looking away from him. Then she let out a tiny gasp, as she felt something warm on her cheek. He had kissed her lightly.

"You _are_ going out with me tonight," he spoke, hushed but firmly into her ear, "because even though I am still so weak I can barely stand, I have spent all my available energy planning a very special evening for you."

Her expression softened for just a moment, but then she said "no." This man had very firmly rejected her invitation to rest up at their house. She was, indeed, going make him work for it.

"That's your final word?"

"Correct."

"Okay, okay. I could just stagger out the door, and then laugh as you come running after me," he said confidently, "but rather than embarrass you so, I will simply resort to my secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?" _'This could be amusing.'_

"Yes, it's right here in my jacket pocket. It's small, it's black, it's shiny, it can fly," he said, and the mere implication of what it might be was enough to make her eyes widen and her body tense up, "and I assure you it has the power to compel your obedience in this matter."

"You would never do such a thing."

"Oooh, just try me. You _are_ going out with me tonight or you're spending the rest of the night, alone, standing on this chair, wondering where _it_ is. You now have one minute to get upstairs and begin dressing for the occasion," he said.

"I've already laid out what you should wear," said Hotaru.

"And don't take too long."

"Don't look at me," said Haruka, as Setsuna looked pleadingly toward her. "I'm not really on anyone's side here, but you do need to get out more."

"Look on the bright side, Setsuna-chan," smiled Michiru, "unless I'm mistaken, this will be your first Christmas Eve date."

"It's mine, too, now that I think on it," Kuryakin said, looking thoughtful. "40 seconds, Miss Meioh."

"I am certain you will not do this," said Setsuna bravely.

"You'll need to hurry, Setsuna-momma because you'll actually be the ones dropping me off at Usagi-chan's," said Hotaru. "In fact, if you two wish to come by later and visit …"

"Perhaps we shall," he said, smiling at her. "Miss Meioh? … 15 seconds."

"I will not be coerced," she said, her arms folded over her chest. "I cannot believe you have one of _those_ in your pocket. Do your worst."

"Five," he said, reaching into his jacket pocket, "four … three …"

"Oh, very well," she said huffily.

"… two …"

"I am going."

"… one …"

She looked genuinely scared and grabbed his arm.

"No! I am going."

She went up the stairs, and when she got to her room and she glanced into the mirror, she got a shock; the woman looking back at her was smiling. She looked almost … happy. She laughed quietly. She was sure he was bluffing about the secret weapon, but it was a good ploy and even cute, in its way. It gave her the room she needed to pretend she was being made to go. She noticed Hotaru in the mirror.

"And what are doing, young lady?"

"Making sure you wear _that_," she said, pointing the dress she'd laid out on the bed.

"That is not my color. I wish to wear something black."

Hotaru grabbed the dress, got between her and her closet and proffered it to her.

"It is … too revealing."

"Compared to your other gowns?" Hotaru shook her head. "Please. You have to dress very fancy for where he's taking you tonight."

"You have been plotting again, I see, and deeply too. This time it is clear he is in on it. I have other things just as fancy. Why should I wear _this_?"

"Because," she said, "it's your own work, it's the very best thing you've ever made, and it makes you look … more beautiful than anything."

"Very well," she said softly. "I shall wear it. Now I need you to do something for me."

She told Hotaru what she had in mind, and Hotaru smiled. Before she left, she fixed Setsuna with a firm gaze and said, "You really are glad he came."

"Possibly," she said, with a tiny smile round the corners of her mouth.

"I know you are, at least for this night …"

'_Go,'_ she mouthed silently.

* * *

Kuryakin stood very pensively by the entry of the dining area, waiting. He leaned against the wall trying to look casual, but he was having a little trouble standing.

"Let's go, Haruka," said Michiru, tugging at Haruka's arm.

"Hold on, I want to see how this turns out," she whispered.

'_No, you just want to see Setsuna in that dress,'_ Michiru thought, rolling her eyes.

Kuryakin, looking impatient now, finally yelled to her, "Can you hurry it along up there? We have reservations, you know?"

"My, you certainly know how to ask a woman out," she hollered back.

"Hey look, you can be replaced."

"Truly? By whom?"

"Someone with the surname Mizuno," he said offhandedly.

"Yes, of course, you and Ami-san would a lovely couple, and she is the experimental type, so it wouldn't matter much that you are _far too old _for her."

"I don't want to hear that _from you," _he said loudly, 'going with it,' as it were. "She's almost of age, and she doesn't know. I can start dropping hints tomorrow."

"You can not possibly be serious."

Haruka, fiddling with her bowtie, popped her head around the corner, and said casually, "If you're serious, there's one of us that's really in to older guys (_sempai_)." He winked at her, shaking his head, and then Michiru yanked her back.

"You are also too tall for her," Setsuna called down to him.

"Pah, she'd be ... perfect. I think I'll start off with a dozen roses."

"You would, I think, have a much, much better chance with her mother, which is surely whom you were referring to. In Ami's case, you would better your pitifully meager chances with a textbook about roses," she said as she was coming down the stairs. "Hotaru," she called from the shadows. "I require your assistance, please?"

Hotaru was already moving. She got a step stool, and sat it down in front of him. He looked puzzled. Setsuna then descended in a vaguely Asian style gown of white silk embroidered with gold and silver designs. "Stunning" didn't begin to describe it. The slightest touch of light set it aglow; in stronger brightness, she moved in a luminous globe. Clean, elegant lines of French Silk were offset with baroque ornamentation. The silk rose to cover her throat with white petals, as though her neck were set inside a lily, and it was ringed with pearls. Where it covered them at all, the satiny dress clung to her breasts, flanks and thighs like a second skin. A broad inverted "V", perfectly tapered, followed her collarbones, while a much more acute, fluted "V", covered by a gauzy material so transparent it one had to look twice to see it, revealed her cleavage. Her belly was a hypnotic light show of streaking, satiny sheen undulating rhythmically with her movements, interrupted only by differently shaded glimmers off the gold and silver embroidery that mingled with the sheen from her moving legs. It was a perfect blend: the chaste white of the fabric, and the carnal allure of her dusky skin. Hotaru was beaming. Kuryakin was clearly dazzled. Haruka let out a low whistle, and then Michiru physically dragged her out the front door.

"Was this worth the wait?" she asked, as she walked, decorously, up to him. Then she stepped up onto the stool, bringing her eye to eye with him.

His expression was a sufficient answer.

"Now then, first things first," she said, and then she kissed him, lightly and not without some warmth, on the mouth.

He looked about to collapse.

"I do not quite understand know how you are able to bring me out of myself like this but, … happy birthday, Mister Kuryakin," she said softly. It took him a moment to find his voice.

"Thank you."

"So," she smiled, looking him in the eye, her arms draped around his neck, "what was that about Mizuno-san?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Now then, I hope … you realize this is hard for me."

"I know, and I feel very blessed," he said in that low and gentle voice that reached deep inside her.

"You are very nice, I do like you, and I am not unwilling to have someone to be with tonight … but I do not wish you to get the wrong idea," she said, lest he misunderstand the nature of the kiss she had just given him. "I fear that I am risking betrayal of myself, my duty, and many … other things. Truthfully, I suppose I am very happy to be going out tonight, but you should know that I do not think this can … go any further."

"I understand, Miss Meioh," he said softly. Such was the tension that held her, and in which she held him. She would let a little of the inner affection her heart couldn't completely hide show forth, and then her mind would take over and quickly pull her away. It was three steps forward, two and half steps back, and Kuryakin, in all his years, had never seen a dance quite like the 'Meioh _Pas de Deux'_ before. But then he'd never seen a woman like her either. If it had to be a half step at a time, so be it. An inch of progress was worth any exertion. He was sure of this: still waters run deep, and she was very still indeed, but somewhere, beneath it all, was a woman of deepest feelings, and he hoped someday the dam holding them back might break. It would be enough for tonight if it only showed a few signs of cracking.

"Also, I am - I believe it is said - very high maintenance," she continued, "so for all the trouble you've caused me tonight, and for that matter, over the last four months, this had better be good. In any case, do not push your good fortune, do not take me lightly, and never, _ever_ take me for granted."

"Lightly is the last thing I have taken you, Miss Meioh," he said plainly. "You have troubled me like nothing since my youth. I know better than most not to take anything for granted. I'm just hoping sometime tonight I can make you realize how incredibly special you are."

She smiled. "Hmmm. _That_ is a very good start, Mister Kuryakin. Now then, I wish to see it."

"See what?"

"I wish to see the small, black, shiny, flying secret weapon in your jacket pocket. Surely, you do not have one of _those_ in there?"

She reached into his jacket pocket and there was something there. She shuddered for a moment, then mustered the courage to pull it out. It was his little communications device.

"This has the power to compel my obedience?" she asked.

"Let me start it," he said, and the fuzzy image began resolving into an angry girl looking off to one side and shaking a fist. The voice said: "… Shingo, you were in my room again, weren't you? I am soooo going to … oh, you're ready? It's already recording? Yes? Hahahaha! Boy, it's amazing how small they can make video cameras these days. Good ol' Japanese ingenuity. Okay, now then …"

The face of Usagi Tsukino became very commanding.

"… Meioh Setsuna-san? This is your … um, how should I put this? Leader! Yeah, that's how I'll say it. This is Your Leader speaking! Just two years ago, I specifically remember you all sitting around in that coffee shop whining about how I couldn't understand how lonely you all felt because I have someone, and how you said 'no one wants to be lonely' on this night. Well, here you go. Unless you can pick up the phone, call me right now, and give me some GOOD reason not to, I order you to go out tonight. With him, I mean. And I order you to enjoy it. It's Christmas Eve after all. You should have at least one Christmas Eve date in your life and besides he's a pretty cool guy, for an older person, A-#1, Usagi Tsukino approved … Oh, for someone else, not me of course …"

He stopped the message.

"I do not believe she was finished."

"You may not like this next part."

"I shall hear all of it or I shall _not_ go out with you."

"Very well," he grimaced slightly, as he started the rest of the message.

"… and speaking of having someone," - here Usagi-san's face became very stern- "you can just forget about Mamo-chan, because he's MY MAMO-CHAN! I don't care how much you outclass me, or how much more adult and intelligent and pretty you are, or how much better you would be for him, he's mine, mine, mine!"

Then her face softened as if she'd been joking just a little. She gathered herself, coughed into her hand and winked as she said, "_Ahem!_ So then, go out and have fun tonight. I, Usagi Tsukino, have spoken! Oh, and Merry Christmas."

"Ouch."

"Hmmm," Setsuna muttered, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Sorry about that. I did warn you. I was unaware she knew."

"Had a talk with her, did you?"

"Twice. The first time by accident, this afternoon by design."

"It is not that kind of love, exactly," she said.

"As you say," he said, looking quite unconvinced.

"I do admit it has occasionally strayed in that direction," she said, feeling that she should explain. In fact, in her present situation, it had more than strayed. There had been a time or two where she had thought, for the briefest of moments, about … possibilities, before quickly banishing the thought. "It does sadden me from time to time, but I know how things must be. I would never do anything remotely disloyal to my … Leaders. I am very proud of my duty. I would never dishonor it, or them."

"I understand, Miss Meioh."

"How did she find out I wonder."

"Hotaru by way of Miss Kaioh, I think. All told, you are the victim of a conspiracy here."

"Victim, indeed."

"Well, if you really feel that way, Miss Tsukino is waiting for you to call even as we speak."

"I suppose we may as well go out, as I am already properly attired."

"Yes, you are," he said. "You … there … aren't words."

"Thank you. I wonder, though, what you would have done if your threat had not worked?"

"Truthfully, I had every intention of picking you up, as is, and carrying you off. I'm sure you would have fought it well, but even weak as I am right now, I think I could have managed it. I don't see that I have anything left to lose here. It might have been hard to get into the place we're going with you underdressed and both of us all scuffed up, but I would have done it anyway."

"I shall spare you the embarrassment of getting thrashed. You may thank me with a particularly fine wine. Shall we go?"

He offered her his arm, and with great dignity, she took it.

* * *

"Haruka, it's cold out here," said Michiru. "Let's go."

Haruka had been too engrossed in the unfolding of Kuryakin's plan to take note of the car he had come to the house in. Now, her eyes were locked firmly upon it as she circled it and admired it from every possible angle.

"I thought you weren't rich," Haruka said as she checked the interior of an opalescent silver-white Murcielago, Lamborghini's most recent production car.

"I am by no means well off enough to buy such a thing at the list price," Kuryakin said as he lifted the passenger door.

"It's a rental?"

"No, my kitten, it is mine. This is that 'unique fixer-upper opportunity' I told you about. This one was sold to a movie company. Then it was nearly destroyed by accident during filming. The insurance company was selling it for scrap. Expensive scrap, since these cars have a lot of precious metals in them, but I happened to be in the right place at the right time …"

"Y'know," Haruka snorted, interrupting him with considerable force, "get lucky often enough, and it's not luck. This iffy humility of yours is really annoying."

He looked directly at her, a bit stunned.

"You're right. I don't want much out of life anymore, but when I see something I really want, I'll figure out a way to get it … lawfully if at all possible. _Amour de soi_, my dear Kitten, is the _joie_ in _joie de vivre_. Surely, a _bon vivant_ like you can relate to someone who appreciates the feel of a fast car, just for its own sake? There was a bit of luck involved. I couldn't believe it when I saw it, but once I realized what that twisted mass was, I made them a decent offer, and bought it cheap. I'm into salvaging precious things, y'know? Let me go pop the engine cover for you."

"This was the 'challenging automotive restoration project' you were talking about?" asked Hotaru. Here again she was intrigued by his balancing act between extravagant and fastidious.

"Yup. And that's why I had some precious metals lying around. In fact, tonight is its big debut. I only got it running reliably two weeks ago. It was a real challenge to reverse engineer 75 percent of it, one piece at a time. I'd been at it for three years off and on. A little bit at a time, just like your tea cup, Hotaru. Also, the manufacturer wasn't exactly forthcoming on specs …"

"Imagine that," said Haruka, as she looked at the engine.

"Indeed, but I was able to puzzle it out. I had to reform most of the body and fabricate a lot of it. But that's fine, because now I can fix it myself. Otherwise, it would simply be too expensive to own. It measures gas mileage in liters per kilometer. So, I can only drive it on supremely special occasions," he said, looking at Setsuna.

"This is an earlier model, but you've turned it into an LP640. Was that legal?" Haruka asked.

"As legal as your driver's license. You're the only one who has noticed so far. It has a legitimate VIN number, it is properly registered and collision insured, and it is street legal. The LP640 aesthetics are quite pleasing, of course, and I improved it in a few ways. I really ought to sell it back to them. I solved that engine cooling problem to which these cars are always prone."

"Did you use your own … technology?"

"Of course not. Where would be the challenge in that? I did it all the hard way. Think of me as someone who makes hand hammered katana blades the old fashioned way."

"I don't suppose we could … take a spin in it, someday?" Haruka suggested, as she headed reluctantly to her own car.

"Well, I do owe you for being so obnoxious that first time we really met each other. Sometime in the spring?"

'_Deal,'_ they both nodded.

"It only has two seats," Setsuna observed.

"Yes, Hotaru will have to sit in your lap. Or you can drive, but this is a stick shift and very quirky."

"Hmm, then I could leave you behind again."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Meioh. There is one other possibility: Hotaru can drive and you can sit in my lap. Now, I freely confess I am enamored of that one, but it seems impractical, so take your pick."

"_Terribly_ impractical, I would say. Hotaru, come here," she said stiffly, as he helped her into the low slung bucket seat.

"This is really cool," said Hotaru, after Kuryakin shut the door.

"I must admit it is rather classy," Setsuna muttered quietly to her.

He climbed in to the driver's seat and closed his door, then sighed as though he'd exerted himself considerably.

"You're sure you're all right, Kuryakin-sensei?" Hotaru asked.

"Never you mind."

"Sitting like this is not exactly safe," Setsuna said, "and you are not at your best. I trust you will drive carefully."

"Oh, yes, I am the soul of caution, Miss Meioh. That's how I ended up a galaxy away from home this night, in an extravagant automobile, with the two most beautiful women in all the universe."

* * *


	40. Chapter 11 Part 2

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 011 – Only Time Will Tell **

**(Part 2)**

* * *

The three of them drove to the Tsukino residence. As Kuryakin got out of the car and lifted the passenger side door, curious faces appeared in nearly every front window. He had barely helped Hotaru out when a pink-haired girl burst through the front door rushing to greet her.

"Hotaru-chan!"

"Chibiusa-chan!" Hotaru replied, amazed. She nearly cried as they embraced. Then the pink haired girl noticed Setsuna. "Puu! Oh my … you look … oh my …" she exclaimed as she came up to the car. Setsuna knelt down and embraced her as well.

"I've missed you so much,"

"And I you, Small Lady."

They talked, while Kuryakin took something out from behind the seat. He carried it to Usagi who had come out with the pink haired girl. In the window he saw the two talking cats, and –something new- a little gray kitten, all watching the doings with very sentient eyes. The girls he'd met briefly at Hikawa Shrine were standing in the doorway trying to get a look. Ami Mizuno and that lovely _miko,_ Rei Hino, were in front. He sat the box on the ground, put his hands together and bowed to them, reminding himself that someday he needed to thank Miss Hino personally for her vital role in finding the Outer Planet Senshi. Then he picked up the box and handed it to Usagi.

"Miss Tsukino? Please add this to the buffet at tonight's party, with my compliments. It's a very nice Christmas cake. Thanks, for …everything."

"Did you have to use _it_?"

"Not really, but she heard _it_ anyway."

Usagi poked her head around him to see Setsuna standing by the car, utterly resplendent. Setsuna clapped her hands together and bowed.

"Oh my. You look like an angel," Usagi smiled, in genuine awe.

"Umm, hmmm," Chibiusa nodded in agreement.

"So remember, stay away," she winked.

"Yes, My Leader."

"So this is the … soul friend?" Kuryakin knelt down to introduce himself to the pink-haired girl now standing beside him.

She curtseyed very cutely, and said, "I, Chibiusa, also known as Small Lady, am very pleased to make your acquaintance. You are welcome to share the hospitality of our house, if you wish. Please make yourself at home."

"Well, I am very honored to meet _you_, m'lady," he said, half bowing from his crouched position. "Regrettably, I must refuse your most gracious offer for now, but I hope to take advantage of your ladyship's generosity at some point in the near future. The opportunity to get to know you better is one of which I will happily avail myself."

"Wow, … you can lay it on as thick as I can," Chibiusa winked.

"Arigatou, m'lady," Kuryakin winked back, bowing deeply again.

"Oh wow!" said Usagi, "Chibiusa, look at this incredible cake!"

"Amazing! Oh, let's get it inside, and don't drop it, Usagi!"

"Whaddaya mean by that? I'm not THAT clumsy!"

"Who slipped on that gum wrapper," she said haughtily, "even after I warned you about it?"

And an argument was quickly underway.

"Hotaru-chan?" Kuryakin said, as he handed her a big box of heart shaped candy. "Next year I'll give you a proper gift, something made by my own hands. Have fun, queen of my heart. I'll take you and your soul friend out for breakfast tomorrow if you like."

He hugged Hotaru and she kissed him on the cheek. Then, as Usagi and Chibiusa's arguing crescendoed, she whispered in his ear, "Kuryakin-sensei, don't worry about tomorrow, if things go well."

"What are you kids thinking these days?" he said, looking at her amusedly. "I'm a gentleman, I am."

"I know that," she blushed, and then whispered, "I just mean if … anything special happens - if you stay up all night talking, or just being with each other, or if _she_ wants to meet for breakfast instead- don't worry about me. I wouldn't presume normally, but I'm sure I'd be welcome here as long as Chibiusa is here."

"You've never really said what you were hoping for in all this."

"It's a secret," she said, blushing and shy. "But this … tonight … it's really, really important. Do your best to … well, charm her."

"Why is it so important tonight? Why the rush?"

"I just … feel it's really important. At least make sure it's just the beginning, not the end."

"Okay, I'll do my best," he smiled, "but at this point, it's really up to her. She's let me in about as far as we dared hope. Is there something yet to be wished?"

"You should know better than I," she said blushing more than ever.

"You have high hopes. You could be very disappointed."

"But I will hope it anyway, for both of you, till my life burns out."

He smiled, and said, "thank you, beautiful, little firefly. Were there nothing else in this world but finding you, it's more than enough."

The argument between Usagi and Chibiusa ended abruptly when Usagi's boyfriend had come out to restore peace. Then he caught sight of Setsuna - _Wow!_ - and, more importantly, the car - _WOW!_. Usagi shoved the cake into his hands, turned him around and summarily ordered him back into the house. "But Usa-ko," he complained, as she pushed him toward the door, "It's a _Lamborghini_!"

"It's not pasta, it's a Christmas cake, now get inside."

"Small Lady," said Setsuna as she took Kuryakin's arm, "we must leave now, but I hope to see you later. Please spend a night with us before you return."

She nodded, and then she, Hotaru and Usagi looked wistfully at them as they left.

"Wait," she said as he began to help her into the car. "Small Lady, a moment further, please."

"Hotaru-chan, I'll be there in a minute," she called looking over her shoulder. "What is it, _Puu_?"

Setsuna knelt down again, and seemed hesitant.

"_Puu?_ What's wrong?"

"Small Lady … forgive me …"

"For what?" the little girl asked, genuinely perplexed.

"You are … the one I will always love the most."

Chibiusa was, in many ways, far more perceptive than her mother, and now she was beginning to get that this might be more than 'just a date.' This might be why she'd been given permission to return again, not only to this century, but to this moment in it. Something –very big, perhaps- might happen tonight and no one, not even the farseeing Setsuna, could quite see the end of it. She needed to get inside and talk to Hotaru-chan at once.

"_Puu?_ You look … too beautiful for words, tonight," she said, and then her look became sly, "I know a little about this now. I … have someone, or at least, the promise of someone, and that hasn't made me love you any less. It may be one day that … he must be first in my heart, but even then, I will love you no less, and maybe, in some way I will love you even more, or maybe 'better' is the right way to say it. That's how love is, I'm sure of it."

"Small Lady …"

She looked at Setsuna very sternly. "If you're going out with someone, you must feel a t least a little good about it. I don't want to see you tomorrow, or whenever, and find out you pushed someone away because of me."

"Small Lady, I just …"

"_Puu_, he seems nice," she smiled. "Or good, which is more important. And seeing you tonight it's easy to imagine how in love with you he must be. At least have fun tonight. Can't you just do that?"

"No, Small Lady. Fun is far too serious and important a thing to _just have_."

"All the more reason for you to have fun, then," she said cutely.

* * *

"Why do you smile? Was there something amusing?" she asked, as they drove away.

"I just love how you say 'Small Lady', _Puu._ Your voice is so tender when you say it, it's music."

"You are aware of who she is?"

"I have some idea. She's _that_ friend. Your dearest, most important person."

"Yes," she said. That wasn't what she meant, but Kuryakin had a charming way of realizing the most important things about people very quickly. "She is that person, to me."

"_Note to self,' _he thought_, 'get on that kid's good side, and chain yourself to the wall.'_

"She's from a different time, isn't she? Future, I would guess."

"What makes you think so?"

"She doesn't fit. Her manners are courtly. She seems to be from this country, yet she has an accent that is almost foreign. Thus, she is, and is not, from 'here.' The naturally pink hair is also a bit of giveaway."

"Do you ever stop puzzling things out?"

"No. You have the same accent, by the way. And you have no trouble with 'l', 'r', 'd' or 'v' sounds."

"Is her presence here something you arranged?"

"No, but when Funny Bunny and I talked a little about Hotaru this afternoon, I told her what she needed most was her soul friend. I guess she took care of the rest."

"Tsukino-san can be quite effective when she wishes."

"So it would seem. She figured out a great deal just from our accidental encounter the day after you … completely annihilated me. A funny thing happened this afternoon when I came to see her. Her brother answered the door. When I told him my business with his sister, he yelled up to her 'Hey, Stupid Usagi, someone wants to see you.' I told him, 'don't say that. Your sister isn't stupid. She's just a little unfocused.' Without missing a beat, the little wag shrugged and yelled 'Hey, Unfocused Usagi, someone wants to see you.'"

Setsuna smiled a little.

"Y'know, Funny Bunny isn't stupid at all. I really do think I could find a way to teach her a few things."

"Tsukino-san learning Kanji would be a small step forward," Setsuna suggested.

"Really? I wonder if she likes to draw."

"I believe she does. And she a fanatic for comic books."

"It shouldn't be too hard to make a little headway, at least," Kuryakin mused. "Kanji are Sinic ideograms. For a start, we would work on getting her to make an association between comic book drawing and pictograms in her mind."

* * *

"**N." is for Noriko**

* * *

They drove through the city toward the outskirts of the business district.

"Now, I hope you don't mind," he said after several miles passed in silence, "but I've invited someone to join us for the first hour of this evening together."

"I should think you would be the one who would mind. Who is it?"

"One of my earliest students. She now works for Christian Dior in New York. She's home on holiday. She's not very high up or anything, mind you, but since fashion is something I know little about, I thought she might be someone you'd enjoy talking to for a bit. That's also why Hotaru picked that outfit for you. You can show off your dress, and talk about the fashion design. Unless you don't wish to."

He was paying careful attention to the road, and she fixed him with a gentle look. She was beginning to see just how much thought and effort he had put into this, just like he did with everything. Given what he'd said of his past, this too must be something he learned over time and through many troubles. Now, things he had worked hard on, before he ever knew the name Setsuna Meioh, were coming to an unexpected but welcome fruition. He was courting her of course, and that often made men seem more selfless than they might actually be, yet she was willing to trust for now that this was all very genuine. This might be his only opportunity to be with her in this way; she might slam the door on him again, and he was only too aware that was a possibility, yet he was willing to take a risk, and share this time together with someone else in order to make the night special _for her_. She could easily go through the evening indifferent and diffident, but then and there decided to honor his thoughtfulness by loosening up just a bit, and really enjoying herself this night.

His friend was waiting for them at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. She was in her mid-twenties, tomboyish, with average looks, but she carried herself well, and her appearance was further enhanced by well-coiffed hair, and the smart dress she had on. She gave the impression of a very tough, serious minded and classy person working in a very demanding industry.

"O-hay-o, Sensei," she called to him enthusiastically.

"Noriko-chan, it's so good to see you," he said, warmly embracing her.

"Kei-san, so good to see you, too."

"This is Setsuna Meioh. Miss Meioh, Noriko Kurasawa."

"Oh, this is _her_?" asked Noriko, as she and Setsuna shook hands. "The one in your email? Kei-san tells me you are interested in the fashion industry."

"Yes," replied Setsuna.

"I take it you are an aspiring model?" Noriko asked, as she looked her up and down.

"Oh, you shall have to treat her to some that really fine wine as well, for saying that," Setsuna whispered with a little smile.

An amused gasp escaped his lips. "Noriko-chan … the dress," he said, as he extended his hand, presenting her outfit. Miss Kurosawa recognized the originality of her dress and was aghast.

"Oh, an aspiring designer! You made that? Oh my!" the girl said, walking all the way around Setsuna, taking a good, even uncomfortably close, look. "Oh my, oh my. Did you embroider it yourself? That must have taken months. How depressing. Very talented people could struggle for years to come up with something that good."

* * *

"Yes," Setsuna said as they walked through the hotel lobby. "It was difficult. I began with something simple in mind, but then it kept getting more and more intricate. More than once, I nearly gave up. But I truly do not feel it is anything special."

"Well, for what little it's worth, _I_ am very impressed," Noriko said sincerely, as they reached the elevator. "So which of the five or six restaurants in this hotel are we going to?"

"The best. The Signature Restaurant," he said.

"Really? Oh my," said Noriko. "Can you wait just a minute? I need to go to the ladies room."

"We'll be waiting."

"You have been working very hard, indeed," Setsuna said, after she left. "But, I can not imagine you were able to get a reservation here in just the last few days."

"I actually booked this about three months ago."

"Oh, so even then you were delusional?"

"Miss Meioh, that is your second attempt humor in the last four minutes. Don't injure yourself, now."

"You had better hope it is humor."

"Hmm," he bowed his head smiling. "Yes, even then, I was planning to approach you properly after Hotaru was taken care of, Miss Meioh. This is _the_ big date night. Nothing less for you, in any case. High maintenance and all that. Tonight, you are the star."

"I prefer to be in the background," she said, sighing a bit.

"Truthfully, so do I. Nonetheless, this is your night."

Noriko rejoined them and they took the elevator up to the 37th floor of the 38 story building.

"Oh, so nice," Noriko said, when the elevator doors opened. "I'd heard of how beautiful this was, but I never dreamed I'd get to come here."

'_It truly is nice,'_ thought Setsuna. She was mildly impressed by the car. The restaurant took things up a notch.

As Kuryakin spoke to the Maître D', Noriko pulled Setsuna aside and said, "He must like you very much."

Setsuna was a tiny bit put off by how forward Noriko was. Her former teacher had rubbed off on her that way a great deal, but the girl made up for it in earthy charm and honesty.

"Right this way, please," said the waiter.

"This is so wonderful," said Noriko as she took in the view. "Will they be able to serve us fast enough?"

"Yes, I've already seen to that. I told them to have your dinner waiting when we got here. It should be here in just a minute. I hope you like what I ordered."

"Thank you. Anything will be fine. I'm really sorry, but I do have to leave by 7:40 to pick up Geoff at the airport. He had to take a later flight."

"A pity," Kuryakin said. "I'd like to have met him and treated you both."

Kuryakin reserved seats in the section with a view to the southeast. It overlooked the Shuto expressway loop, and Tokyo bay could be seen in the distance. The bench seats had plum cushions with ornate woodwork and velvet pillows with a darker purple paisley pattern on them. The tables were long, covered with a plain white table cloth, set with fine bone china, fine silverware wrapped in white napkins, and numerous glasses and wine goblets. Cylindrical lights hung from the marble ceiling ready to illuminate perfectly the coming cuisine.

"I never did find out," said Kuryakin as they sat down. "Did my wedding gift arrive in time and intact?

"Oh yes, thank you, it was beautiful."

"I'm truly sorry I couldn't come. Your husband is a good guy, I trust."

"Of course he is," Noriko smiled. "He's a photographer I met the first day at work. Ah, still the same Kei-san, worrying about everyone's happiness. By the way, are feeling all right? You look a bit ill tonight."

"Yeah. I was … erm, fighting something off recently, and I still haven't quite shaken it. It's nothing some gourmet cuisine won't cure. Speaking of which, here comes your dinner now."

Noriko carried the burden of the conversation that followed, and easily enough, as she was naturally chatty. She was full of interesting insider stories and advice for Setsuna about bringing her designs to the attention of the right people. She was also very clear about how demanding and competitive the industry was. Setsuna was more animated than Kuryakin had ever seen her. He simply watched her as she chatted, picking up all sorts of further hints about the woman he was ever more in love with.

"Do you wish to be a designer as well?" Setsuna asked.

"No, I'm happy where I am," Noriko said. "Graphic artist, and web design on the side. I wouldn't become a 'true' designer for anything. Too much pressure to create. You have to turn out things like your dress on command. It's brutal. But I really admire those who can do it, and I love helping them render their ideas. If you've got the talent, the rewards are there. You will be tested severely, but in the end, one is better for that, don't you think? You'll know the truth about yourself sooner or later. _You_ might begin by freelancing, just to see what people far more important than me think of your stuff. Not as big a pay-off but not quite so much pressure there. Others might disagree with what I'm about to say, but personally, I advise you not to lead with your very best stuff. Keep things like this gown in reserve."

Dinner arrived for Setsuna and Kuryakin shortly before Noriko had to leave. Setsuna had the toasted scallops, and Kuryakin feeling the need for something rich yet light as possible had the steamed foie gras and beets.

She was finishing up dessert, but before she left, Setsuna asked her for a full and honest assessment of the dress she was wearing tonight.

"Overall, it's fantastic," she said. "You should definitely keep this in reserve. It has some flashes of originality: a good balance between frilly and reserved. It's very elegant, and coyly revealing, but otherwise very demure. You look like an angel, you truly do. In the right kind of setting, something like this could even be a wonderful wedding dress. I wouldn't change a thing, but I'm nobody really. I can tell you what the Old Hag would probably tell you to 'fix'."

"Old … Hag?" asked Setsuna.

"The woman I work for. Oh, don't get me wrong. We love her to death. She calls herself that. It's a term of endearment."

She then listed five things Old Hag would "fix," but reiterated that she, herself, wouldn't change a thing.

"I really must be going," she said finally. "It was wonderful meeting you, Meioh-san. You are amazing."

"Thank you," said Setsuna very sincerely, "and thank you for going out of your way, this night. I enjoyed talking with you very much."

She and Kuryakin walked a ways toward the elevator.

"Kei-san, it was so good to see you. I'll be back here in the summer. We must get together again. I'd love for you to meet my husband."

"I'll do that. Thank you so much for coming, and thanks for getting all dressed up, just to eat and run. You look great. And most of all thanks for keeping in touch, Noriko-chan. You're one of the few who actually does," he said as he embraced her.

She became very shy and uncertain. "How can I not? You … made all the difference in my life. Now, I've gone places and done things I would have never imagined. I will always be grateful."

"You're welcome, but I really do owe you big for this. If there's ever anything you need …"

"Quick as it was," Noriko smiled, "dinner was more than enough. Repay me by having fun tonight. You were always so uptight."

"Only with you," he said. "In your case, there was no other way. Say, how are things between you and your aunt?"

"Um, I think, in time, we'll actually be able to be in same room without it being too mortifying for her."

"She does seem like someone who would have a hard time admitting she was wrong," said Kuryakin.

"The last time we met, she did manage to talk favorably about mother a bit, back when they were children. I'll think we'll … be okay around each other, eventually."

"Good," Kuryakin smiled, looking very happy about that.

"By the way," she whispered, "_she_ is _incredible_. How did you meet her?"

"I'll tell you about that this summer," he whispered back, "if all goes well. Thanks for helping me out with her."

"Oh, you're _that_ mad for her then? Well, you look great together. You really do. Good luck," she said warmly and with hope filled sincerity. Then she walked back to the table to get the purse she had forgotten, looked at Setsuna, and said, "I envy you."

For _what,_ she did not say. He walked Noriko to the elevator, and then sat back down and they finished dinner quietly together. She was pensive, and he seemed content just being with her.

"I am curious about something," she finally ventured.

"Yes?"

"She was one of those difficult students Hotaru mentioned?"

"As a matter of fact she was."

"She has come quite far then."

"Yes, I am very proud of her, and proud that I was able to help her. Five years ago, it was all very touch and go for a while. I suppose you've figured out that occasionally I have tutored people for free?"

"Yes."

"There were only a few. This city is expensive and I do have to eat. But yes, she was one of them. I ran into her one day, or rather she ran into me, quite literally. When I helped her up, she was angry, which appeared to be her natural state. It was her fault. She was yelling at some guys and wasn't watching where she was going. But when I looked into her eyes, she seemed so very lost. Even while she was shrieking at me, something about her said, 'help me.' We parted, but I got her name out of her, so I discreetly looked in to her situation. Her father died when she was pretty young. She was abandoned by her mother –if you knew the circumstances, you'd understand - and placed in an orphanage. Her aunt became her guardian. She hoped to be adopted and thought she might be. I found that a couple of families were interested, but her aunt wouldn't permit it. That's common here, and it was her right under your laws, but not once did that aunt ever visit her. She had a troubled youth, problems in school, often got into fights, and who can blame her? When I heard about all this, … well, it kind of broke my heart. So, I took her on for free, and got her through high school, and two years of technical college."

Setsuna took this in for a minute, and then ventured, "You paid for it, did you not?"

"For what?"

"You paid for her college."

"I told her I'd gotten state monies to tutor her. For college, I told her she'd gotten a scholarship. I didn't want her to feel like she owed me anything."

Setsuna regarded him in silence for nearly a minute.

"You are not rich. You have worked hard for everything you have here. You give so freely. Sometimes, you seem almost too good to be true."

"I would say the same about you. But, it's not like that at all," he said, shaking his head. "You don't know all the regrets I have, the mistakes I've made, the endless second chances I've had. My only wealth is time, a few talents, and the training of my teachers. Yes, I have years to go -especially after what Hotaru did- and a quick mind, but work is still work, and puts the moral seriousness in kindnesses. Some times, my heart burns with feelings to a depth I have never known and can scarcely bear. There's only one thing I know now with absolute certainty: one act of kindness is worth more than all the beauties of nature or culture combined. In some cases, it's worth any price you have to pay. Kingdoms fall, cultures turn to dust, whole peoples disappear leaving not one trace behind: languages die, beauty is fleeting, nature itself will pass away; but a kindness is forever. So when I feel leave to intervene, I just do it: a sheer choosing, to spite all the evil life throws at us: the evil it threw at me, and every stupid and terrible thing I put myself through after that. My life has been the progressive realization of how stupid I was ten years ago. Now, I simply don't see any other way to be. Kindness is life. And I want to live, now more than I ever did."

"As you say," she said, with warmth, "but it is still very touching: a very … fine act on your part."

"Raising Hotaru was a very fine act on your part. I realize now you may have felt obligated since she is 'one of you', and she's very dangerous, though at the time none of you had your powers, yet, … you did it, and did it well. It was very fine of you. It's part of why I'm … I'm so moved by you."

"You are easy prey for damsels in distress it seems."

"I've helped plenty of boys, too. Like Miyuki's brother. A boy becoming a man is hard thing, though I'll admit a girl becoming a woman can be even harder. Would you like some dessert?" he said, desperate to change the subject.

"Yes."

* * *

Kuryakin signaled the waiter, and they moved to the tea room, where dessert would be served.

"May I ask you something else?" she asked as they sat down.

"Of course."

She looked furtively around and saw they were the only ones in the tea room.

"How does one create an intergalactic corridor?" she asked quietly, but like she'd been dying to ask him that all evening.

"Oh right, physics is your subject," he said, as he looked furtively around as well. He scooted his chair much closer to hers. She stiffened momentarily, out of instinct more than anything, but relaxed before he noticed.

"Okay," he said very quietly, "here's the general overview: we actually have to harness power from several stars to do it, and they have to be at least a Class A - like your Sirius or Vega, but we prefer Class B, or Class O – the biggest, hottest kinds of stars - if we can find enough of those close together, and in the right sort of alignment, more or less in a circle, in the same plane, and such, within certain margins. The number of places we can actually attempt it is small, and the accuracy over distance required is very tricky. Around each star, there is a ring of huge collector satellites that harness the power. They beam it to this phased array within the local solar system. Keeping beam cohesion over distance is the real trick, so between the solar system and the center of all those stars, which is where we want to send the energy, there are these beam focusing booster stations to deliver the power. Now this whole system is always transmitting. Then, when we're ready to torque the space between galaxies …"

"Torque … space?" she interrupted. "Is that really what you do? I mean, what is this connection between the galaxies that you follow?"

It's hard to find an adequate analogy for it. Yeah, in fact, it's like drilling and tapping the space time fabric to counter-twist it. There is some very complicated phasing involved, but yes, we twist space until we bring a small section of the two galaxies close together, and the actual distance a traveler has to go isn't that great really. The light speed barrier cannot be fudged. So then, we pull those beams into alignment so they will hit each other, and then we modulate each one a bit differently, so they will refract off each other when they hit. We then bend them all into a huge circle of light called The Coriolis Ring. Some compare it to a gigantic particle accelerator, but as I've said, it's more like a corkscrew. By tightening the ring to a certain point, you can open up a traversable corridor. But this can only be done within the local galactic supercluster. At least, so far."

"Fantastic," she said, her eyes shimmering. "You have actually been to other galaxies?"

"Yes," he said, smiling, as she looked very impressed, "I've been to Triangulum. I've also been to the Greater Magellanic Cloud. It has small, irregular habitable zones, and so far we've only found one telluric planet there, but it's an amazing world."

"Tell me about it," she said, her eyes were alive with expectation.

"Well, it's older than Oyarandra, and earth. It has water – we're still trying to figure how it managed that, exactly. It doesn't quit fit in with even our advanced understanding of planetogenesis, which is why it's so fascinating. People have no idea how many things have to go right to get a habitable telluric planet. Anyway, its orbital cycle variations didn't allow life to develop there: too many deep ice ages, too much land mass at the poles, too much solar reflectivity. It does have a tilted axis, but it has no moon, no large ocean basins, and so you don't get any heat transfer or distribution by ocean circulation. For most of its career, it got these temporary hot spots, and then the big freeze would come again. However, right now, in its very erratic polar / equatorial procession, it has a basin at its southern pole. It does have interior radioactive decay driven convection, so there is some heat to work with, and the southern pole began to melt. Since ice can't get very thick over open water like it can over land, it has snowballed into a serious warm up period, like earth's Holocene Maximum Period at the end of the Bronze Age- only much more radical. When I was there, you could see the glaciers rapidly melting, and the water pooling into the southern plains, rivers dozens of miles wide, flowing over very precipitous rapids inexorably toward the basins, gouging out channels ten times deeper than the Grand Canyon, waterfalls ten times higher and broader than Victoria or Iguazu falls.

"It sounds incredible," she smiled, transported by imagination.

"Oh, it is. I've seen a great many amazing and beautiful things."

Then the waiter arrived with their apricot cake dessert. It reminded Setsuna a little of the Sacher-Torte Kuryakin served her just ten days ago.

"So why are you here?" she asked quietly, after the waiter left and she'd spent a few moments thinking.

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you come here? Why are you not out exploring other places?"

"I'm exploring _this_ place. Our ancestral world."

He could see she wasn't entirely buying this.

"It is our planet of origin, and there are things here we desire to look into, of course," he added, wishing to be very careful in how he told her his feelings.

"That is all there is to it?"

"Well, there are people, here. That's what fascinates me, these days. Y'know, physically, the universe contains us: but spiritually, we contain it. You've seen one giant waterfall you've seen them all. I've seen many beautiful things, things some people here would kill or die to see. It may sound trite, but it's true: in all the worlds, I've never seen anyone or anything as beautiful as you."

'_So ardent and honest,'_ she thought. "So that is why you came here? To see me?"

"Sometimes we don't know why we went somewhere, until long after we get there."

He hushed himself quickly as another couple came in to the tea room, but this was how it had gone all evening. Whenever the conversation drifted back to how he felt about her, she would clam up and smile her tiny smile. She didn't want to encourage him, yet she did, for every now and then, it seemed she needed to hear a little of how much he wanted to be with her. Dessert and tea were excellent and they ate in silence as the other couple talked quietly. They did not appear to be in any hurry to leave, and so Kuryakin motioned his head to the door, and Setsuna nodded. As they stood up, he thought she might have taken his arm willingly and perhaps even gladly.

* * *

"Are you all right?" she asked, after he leaned suddenly and heavily against the elevator wall, his breath just a bit labored.

"Oh, I'll be fine. I'm sorry. I really wanted this to be special and to be good company tonight, but … I'm not quite recovered yet. I'm okay. So then, I'm told you don't like music. I'd say that's a strange perversion, except I don't care for much for the childish prattle that passes for music here either. But, I can only assume going somewhere for dancing is out of the question."

"I do not dislike music," she said. "I did not like studying it as an academic subject, although I admit the physics of it is mildly interesting. True, given a choice between it and quiet, I prefer quiet, but I am actually rather good at rhythmic gymnastics, and I know something of ballroom dancing, and enjoy it very much. However, I am not sure dancing is a good idea tonight since you do not appear all that steady on your feet just now. If you started to fall, I am not sure I could hold you up."

"Well, I do have something else in mind. Shall we then?" as he pushed the button to take the elevator up to the roof. When the doors opened, Setsuna saw a helicopter warming up on the rooftop landing pad. He really had pulled out all the stops.

"I hope you aren't afraid of heights," he smiled as he walked her over to the pad.

"Not at all," she said. "I have been on a few helicopter rides. So where are we going?"

"Do you like Christmas decorations? I thought this would be a classy way to go sight seeing. I think we'll see if the pilot can swing by Funny Bunny's and we'll say 'hi', after a fashion, anyway."

The chopper, Setsuna noted, was an Ecureuil AS350-B3 with a wide forward window, and dual seat bench in front for an excellent view. Kuryakin talked with the pilot who explained that even though he'd rented the chopper for two hours, they'd only be able to stay up for about an hour and a half. An unusual cold front, probably the result of that "Pacific Phenomenon," was going to give Tokyo its first Christmas snow in twenty years. Kuryakin shrugged and said not to worry about any partial refund. _'After all,'_ he thought, _'that Pacific Phenomenon was largely my fault.'_

"We'd best get going, Miss Meioh," he said, and as he helped her into her seat. The pilot saw that they were buckled in, and then got into his seat, and they took off. They headed northwest to Chiyoda prefecture and took in the Tokyo Fantasia Christmas lights, a stunning display primarily of red and blue with a large tree like structure at one end. Then they headed south and saw the Shinjuku-ku display, with its strings of lights and oriental lantern decorations. Still further south, the 600,000 lights of the Shibuya display used a rainbow of colors. "Not bad," said Setsuna. "But too much color, I think." Best of all though were the displays in the Rippongi area. The Tokyo Mid-town display had just the right dash and combinations of colors for Setsuna's tastes. The Rippongi Hills famous "Artelligent" display of LED decorations was interesting, but, so Kuryakin said, a bit too _avante garde _for him to "warm to it." Some of the displays might have looked better from the ground, but it was a fun to see the big picture. Setsuna thought the Tokyo Mid-town display was the best by far. Kuryakin preferred the very traditional Shinjuku lights. There was just enough time, so the pilot told them, to make that quick detour to Azabu Juuban, where they swung by the Tsukino residence. Kuryakin called Hotaru and Chibiusa by cell phone and they came outside so they could wave to them.

'_Very good,' _thought Hotaru, as the helicopter headed off. _'Tonight he showed her just how serious he is.'_

As they headed north, back to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, they could see the front moving in from the northwest. When the chopper left the pad to return to its base after dropping them off, light snow began to fall.


	41. Chapter 11 Part 3

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 011 – Only Time Will Tell **

**(Part 3)**

* * *

Setsuna had always been struck by the way falling snow made it feel like the world itself was closing in around you, and made one introspective. Yet tonight, it was having a different effect. Even sitting this close to someone who obviously cared very much for her, she felt suddenly isolated and lonely, and the thought crossed her mind that he was like a fire she needed to get closer to, and it wouldn't be too bad a thing if she could sit closer to him, and he would put an arm around her, or take her hand, since the bucket seats in the car didn't allow them to sit right next to each other. She shrugged it off, but as the snow began to fall even heavier, the feeling returned with considerable tenacity, several times. Drawing her fur lined coat more tightly around her did nothing to stave the feeling off. It intensified the closer they got to her house.

Kuryakin was no longer able to hide just how spent he was. Every breath seemed to require conscious thought, as the exertion required to stay awake and keep his eyes on the road also became obvious. He looked like a marathon runner with flagging strength who could see the finish line, and who was trying to muster the endurance to get there. Somehow, despite this, she was not worried, as if she knew that no matter what he would see her home safely. This allowed her to gaze constantly at him, as she had indeed been doing, sometimes without realizing it, anytime they were together. This had been a hard day for him, and it was made even harder by the need to be on his best behavior, and, in general, to please her if he possibly could.

"You are completely exhausted, are you not?" she asked, as he walked her to the door. "You have hidden it well tonight, but unless you are trying to trick me, you can barely stand."

"I am sorry. There just … wasn't enough time to recover. I may just sit down here for a minute."

"With this snow, I do not think it will be safe for you to drive home."

"I'm not sure I can even make it back to the car. Besides, I have no home to return to."

"Ah yes. You are … pathetic," she smiled.

"There's a hotel down the road. I was going to rent a room. I thought maybe … we could breakfast together in the morning?"

"That will not be necessary," she said quietly.

"Oh. Okay," he said, disappointed.

"You shall stay here tonight," she said gently, and then added with great emphasis, "_on the couch._"

"Are you … sure?"

"It will be fine. Haruka and Michiru will not return until tomorrow afternoon. Here, lean on my shoulder."

"You're … absolutely sure?"

"I am not going to beg you. Now come along."

"Thank you."

"Oh goodness, you are ill," she said, as his face became ashen, "… and heavy."

"Sorry, I …"

"It is all right. There is something I have wondered."

"Yes?"

"Why did you decline Hotaru's offer to stay here and recover?"

"I didn't want … to be … a bother," he said, as they both slipped off their shoes. That wasn't the reason and she wasn't buying it.

"You would not have been a bother. I wish you had taken that offer. I know how to return kindness. We are very grateful for what you did."

"What _we all_ did, but thank you," he said, wondering if he'd made a huge mistake there. "I'm grateful … to you, too. I am sorry … you all were hurt helping us to fix our terrible mistake."

She led him to the couch in the living room, and helped him onto it. He collapsed in a heap, his head falling back, his breathing quick and shallow. Then it became more relaxed.

"One does not wish to be lonely …" she said with a sigh, as she knelt down next to him.

"Oh?" he said, turning his head toward her.

"That was how I said it, two years ago, when we were all talking of cold nights and lonely Christmas Eves in that coffee shop. It will be ever strange how accurate Tsukino-san's memory is about such things. It has been a wonderful evening. You have been very sweet and thoughtful, and … I am glad to have not been alone this night. Thank you. I will get you a blanket and make a fire. Then I truly wish to get out of this gown. You may rest here as long as you need."

"Thank … you. … if only … could've gone … dancing …" his voice trailed off.

* * *

She found a blanket, started a fire in the fireplace, then covered him up, knelt down again and regarded him thoughtfully for several minutes.

'_Yes,'_ she thought, '_dancing might have been nice. I am glad you did not die. And you did help us stop an invasion we had not even seen coming. We would have been blindsided by those terrible beings, it seems. I wonder how it would have gone. I must admit, I am tiring of dying.'_

She smiled ironically at that thought.

'_Were you not here already, would you have come to help us, knowing such a terrible enemy had come? I think you would. Ah, everything I could want is here, erudition, creativity, courage, maturity, strength, gentleness, mystery, even adventure - whole galaxies full. You are fun, sweet and humorous, and humble too. You are not a king, but there is regalness to you, despite how you eschew even the idea of royalty. You are more compassionate than I had imagined; perhaps enough to understand me, my duty, and how important it is to me. Perhaps you are the only outsider, the only one, I could ever trust completely with myself, … but …'_

She sighed, and got that sad look again. She took his hand in hers, looking closely at it. The skin atop showed the very faint, faded scars of a man who'd been in many fights, especially around the knuckles, but his palm was soft, warm, and unscarred. She traced the lines of it with her nails, then lifted it to her face, lolled her cheek in it, feeling its softness and warmth, and then kissing it lightly, she let it down. She reached out to touch his face, lightly brushing his mouth, and felt his warm breath on her hand. Then she gently feathered his hair. His eyes seemed to open a little, but his breathing did not change. He was truly spent. She might have been both flattered and a little worried if it had been a ruse to get him in this house alone with her, but … it was better this way.

'_Sleep well, handsome. Thank you. Tomorrow we must part. For good. This can go no further. I am sorry …'_

* * *

She went up stairs to get out of her gown. Before taking it off, she admired the fit of it in the mirror. She had worked very hard on it. Even for someone of her patience, it she reached a point where she couldn't stand the sight of it. Now that it had been out of sight for a while, and she could look at it with fresh eyes, she saw how well it had come out. She smiled. It perfectly accentuated her lissome figure, and the way it glowed in even the slightest light did indeed make her look 'angelic.' It had been praised by someone on the inside who knew a lot about the business. Maybe it was pretty good after all.

She undressed, undid the bun in her hair, and then before getting into the shower, took a look at herself again in the mirror. She was beautiful to begin with, and though she certainly took care of herself, she was not particularly vain. Yet for a brief moment, she was unusually struck by the beauty looking back at her. It was as if she was seeing herself with the eyes of another, and though she was ashamed to think of it, she realized that she was stunning.

'_How odd,'_ she thought. _'Is this how they see …?'_

She did not finish the thought, but got into the shower. The warm water flowed through her hair like rivers through forests and fields of green. She was a little tired, and it was a pleasant and hypnotic sensation. When done, she wrapped her hair in a towel, dried off, and slipped into her powder blue, silk boxer pajamas. Then she grabbed her hair brush and was about to sit down on her bed, but paused.

'_Why?' _she thought, exasperation creeping into her expression.

She fought against the feeling, and tried to force herself to sit down on the bed, but couldn't.

_Why?_

_Why, now that he is here and I know he has not lost heart, does being only this far away from him make me feel as empty as if I had been alone tonight? Why, even as Sailor Pluto, had my heart leapt so suddenly when Hotaru made that offer to him, and why did it hurt so much when he quickly said no? Why is it every time in the last two weeks I have finally and firmly made a choice to keep my duty before all else, I cannot make it stick, I go back on it ten minutes later, and once I even cried? Why am I on the verge of that even now?_

She began to walk toward the door of her bedroom.

_Why am I now incapable of preventing myself from going back downstairs, just to look at him?_

She did so, pulling on her lavender robe as she descended the stairs, and telling herself she was just going to make sure he was okay. He was still sleeping, deeply. There was something very touching about so tall a man spread out and lying there, so weak. Ninety plus earth years old or not, there was a boyishness there that no passage of time would ever be able to hide. He seemed so formidable when whole, but like this, he was indeed as human as any of them, with weaknesses, hopes and fears like everyone else. Invincibility was overrated.

'_You did not get to enjoy this evening at all, Kuryakin-kun. You should have taken Hotaru up on her offer. I am in love with you. I suppose I have been from the start and, certainly now, I can no longer deny it. But you cannot imagine how conflicted I am…'_

He seemed to be saying something in his sleep. It wasn't very intelligible, but knowing how much she'd gotten to him, it was not a conceit to think he was, perhaps, responding to her nearness, and trying to speak her name.

'_I have shaken him as much as he has shaken me.'_

The fire was warm, and pleasant, and would dry her hair quickly –so she told herself. She sat down, not too close, with her back to it, tucked her legs under her, undid the towel, and pulled her long tresses around her to begin the process of brushing them out. The light from the fire lit her from behind as she did. She was getting sleepy too, and in an unguarded moment, she thought shyly about how nice it would be if he were the one brushing her hair. Then she caught herself, blushed, and directed her thoughts to a serious reverie about the struggle with herself she was having since she'd met him.

'_I have brushed men off before with ease when they have sought to get close to me, and had no trouble keeping myself to my vow. The two may not be mutually exclusive, but I will never take that chance. All who have violated the prohibition will crumble away before the door of my vow,'_ she smiled ironically. _'Even knowing you as I do now, why, truly, are you any different? I was fine before this and content in my duty. Why can I not just go back to that? Has something changed? What? Where? Why have I not seen it or felt it?'_

But whenever sleep began to come upon her, her mind drifted back to the pleasant thought of him brushing her hair for her –would men even do such a thing for a woman?- and maybe rubbing her shoulders as well. The last time her mind wandered there, she no longer thought to stop it. Finally, she threw her head back carefully, shaking her hair into place, and then she noticed his eyes were half open, firelight glistening in them like twin stars. He was staring, amazed, at her, still tired, but awed as well, as though he'd just been privileged to see something rare, exotic, intimate.

"Wow," he said quietly. "For a minute, I thought was dreaming. Just how long is your hair?"

She inhaled a deep thoughtful breath, stood up and shook it out again, then turned slowly around in the firelight. Even with her head nodding forward, the longest locks dropped a little below the backs of her knees.

"That's odd, how the middle locks drop so much further below the rest. Is it natural?"

"Yes," she said softly. "That part of my hair has always grown longer than the rest. That's why I wear the bun, to even out the taper in the back."

"Ah gawd, you're a lovely woman. This _has_ to be a dream."

She sighed, and smiled her tiny smile. "You are very … tenacious," she said, as she sat back down, pulled her hair around her and began securing it with ribbons for the night's sleep.

"There is nothing in life more important than … this," he said quietly.

"Are you recovered already?"

"An hour's nap is enough to get me on my way, I think."

"No," she commanded, "you shall not go yet. It is not yet quite midnight, and our date is not over until I say so. You may rest further. All night, if you wish."

"Yes ma'am," he said, surprised, yet glad to stay, though here again was the maddening yet not unwelcome ambiguity.

"I enjoyed talking to your former student," she said, sensing there was a part of that story she had not yet heard. "I was impressed by your kindness to her."

"I hope the rest of the evening was enjoyable, too," he said, quickly deflecting the conversation away from any further discussions of his charity. That Noriko had once tried to kill herself was something Setsuna would find out only much later from Hotaru.

"It was. I am touched by how much thought you put into this evening. You are obviously a hard worker. I appreciate that you gave only of your very best for me tonight. I also appreciate the extra effort you had to make to do it. You were not able to enjoy it much, were you?"

"I was with you," he said softly through the crackling of the fire. "That was all that mattered."

She smiled. "I suppose I shall forgive you, this one time, for not making proper arrangements, and for threatening me with abduction."

"Thank you."

"Would you really have tried to 'carry me off'?" she asked a bit incredulously.

"Not only that, I would have succeeded. Would you really have minded so much?"

"Possibly. Acts of charity aside, you are really not all that nice, are you?"

"Good and nice are not necessarily the same thing. I try to be nice and pleasant wherever possible. I'm like everyone else. Sometimes, I see something I … I really want. I'm not a saint, Miss Meioh. There is a hole inside of me that nothing has filled in seventy years. You have made me see it more clearly than ever."

"I have unsettled you as much as you unsettled me, it seems," she said, and the thought of that brought out her tiny smile.

"Do I unsettle you? I am in love with you."

"When you love someone," she said, a bit pedantically, as she lowered her eyes, "you see the shape of your own heart. You have not seen yours for some time, it would seem."

"That's because I had not met you," he sighed with resignation and looked down, hand to his forehead shading his face a little. "You are the shape of my heart."

He had said it almost in passing, but there was such sincerity in it, a change came over not just her, but the whole room in that moment. How could a few simple words do that? She was nearly to the point in this 'small talk' where she was going to say what she'd been trying to say since his eyes opened: that this truly could go no further. Now, unmistakably, instantly, her face was overwhelmed by an unbidden but incredibly tender expression, and though she tried, mightily, to stem the flow, nascent tears began glistening on her thick lashes.

"Oh?" he said, looking up. "Got to you with that one, did I?"

Who knew why that must have been the sweetest thing one could say to her? How had he lucked on to that? Had she longed to hear from her unrequited love those very words? His eyes narrowed with seriousness, as he pushed the blanket aside.

"No, please," she half gasped, feeling suddenly vulnerable and trying to regain herself. "Please do not come any closer to me."

"Why not?"

"Please …"

But he could no more prevent himself from clambering next to her than she could prevent herself from coming back downstairs half an hour ago.

He sighed deeply, and knew that it was time to hold nothing back.

"Miss Meioh, when I look at you, when I even think of you, my head spins, my heart pounds, and my blood burns within me. I don't know who or what I am anymore. I _know_ that you feel something for me. Look me in the eyes, tell me to my face that I am wrong, and I'll never trouble you again."

She could not do it.

"Setsuna Meioh," he said, gripping her gently by her shoulders, "I don't know exactly how it is with you Senshi. It seems we are barely similar. I don't know how much difference there is between you and Sailor Pluto, or if you are completely one and the same. I don't know what she feels, but I can see that you feel your loneliness, deeply, especially on nights like this."

She kept her head down and her eyes closed because she feared what she would see if she opened them. He would be looking at her as he did the night he kissed her, that night when, transcending impossibility, he looked at her exactly as _he_ had the day she died. _'How can he have done that?'_ Her body was tensed up, wary that he might touch her further, and he did. Her breath caught when she felt him cup her face in his hands and gently wipe away the tears, and again, when he pulled closer to her and kiss her closed eyes.

'_Oh God, he can be so sweet,'_ she thought, _'How unutterably beautiful and singular he makes me feel. How deeply his heart aches for me …'_

But that was not enough to stop the return of the rising anger within her.

"And I can see," he continued, as he kissed her forehead, "that this sadness that threatens to overtake you is something that has only come upon you recently. Did something happen? Have you faced something that has made you wonder more about your lot in life and the meaning of 'destiny'?"

She said nothing, but continued to guard her heart, as best she could, even though it meant letting him continue to touch her, and get deeper and deeper inside her soul.

"There has to be … a way."

Finally, she managed to ask haltingly, "Do you not realize … what you are asking me … to give up?"

"No. I don't. I don't see what it is you think you are losing here."

"You are asking me to risk everything I have worked for, suffered for."

"How do I threaten that?"

"And," she continued, "you are asking me to give up the one thing that has kept me going."

"Someone you can never have?"

A shadow of something crossed her face.

"In all the things I had done or allowed to happen, there is one innocence I yet possess. It protects that innocence."

He looked little stunned by this. He had tried to puzzle this woman out with all his powers of wisdom, experience and insight, but this angle had not occurred to him. She sat there silently, her eyes closed tightly.

"So that's why your unrequited love is too much to give up?"

"Yes, it is," she said firmly, though fresh tears glistened on her lashes. "No one shall have me but him. Ever."

The crackling of the fire was the only sound, as he stared "into her" one last time. Then with a sadness such as he had not felt in seven decades, he saw this was something that she would never let go of. She would hold fast to the very end. Such a woman of quality.

'_I have always been able to find a way to win. Yet, now that it matters more than anything … I have lost.'_

After sitting there for a few minutes in the deepening pain of this realization, he let go of her face, and stood up, unsure of what to do. It was hurting more than it should. He had taken his chance, done everything he knew to do, and come up short. He should be able to let go, having done his best, but no. There would be no solace for this wound like a slow leak that only she could seal.

* * *

Needing to find some consolation for it, he walked out of the room. Seventy years of toughness born of hard fights in narrow places and things even worse, of discipline, training and scholarship, the many things he wished he could forget, and the love he could not, were crumbling within him. His Thérèse would have been so happy for him to have found someone else. That hurt the worst; his undying love for his wife had made him what he was. He had given it up to risk pursuing someone else, and he lost. He'd lost them both. This rejection had rendered it all for naught. What a terrible risk he'd taken, and now, he'd lost. He had gotten inside of her, yes, but she had gotten inside of him far more and much more direly. He could not so much as think of life without her now.

If it hadn't been for the way the battle had gone, he might yet have the strength to bear even this final rejection. But not tonight. He was tired, spent, could do no more. He had only enough strength to wish that she should not see him lose control. Setsuna opened her eyes, and caught just a glimpse of him with his hand to his forehead shadowing the expression on his face, before he passed into the next room. Some part of her could not bear that he should go, and yet she could not make her self stop him. Something very cold and embittering had her bound up tightly, anchoring her to that spot.

In the next room, he realized there was one thing he might still have, one person who could console him right now. He needed consolation, badly. He took out his cell phone and entered a number, while he slipped his shoes back on.

"This is Peter Kuryakin. Apologies for calling so late. Is Hotaru still awake?"

"Yes," said Usagi Tsukino. In the background, he could hear voices, which suggested very little slumbering was currently occurring at the slumber party. "She's upstairs. Hotaru-chan!? Telephone, for you."

Hotaru came on a few seconds later.

"Kuryakin-sensei?" she said, sounding excited and expectant.

"Hotaru, I will … be by in the morning to take you to breakfast. If your friend will come too, I'd very much like that."

There was silence for a moment as Hotaru realized by the sound of his voice that something had 'gone wrong.'

"Are you at the house? Is she there? Is she close by?"

"Yes."

"Let me talk to her."

"No, Hotaru. Her mind is made up. It was made up long ago."

"Why did you call then?"

"I just needed … to hear your voice."

Something had gone 'wrong', indeed.

"What went wrong? Did it go that badly?"

"Nothing went wrong."

"You promised not to give up."

"I'm sorry, Hotaru. There's nothing to give up on. I … never had a chance. "

"All right then," said Hotaru, firmly. "I've made up my mind about something, too. I want to come with you. Where ever you go."

He sighed. _'What have I done?'_

"Hotaru, you can't do that to her. You owe her and the Kittens too much. She needs you now more than ever."

Setsuna could only hear his side of the conversation, but gasped upon hearing that. She hadn't quite realized how the circumstances were now such that she was likely to lose something whatever happened. As she got up, a fresh welling up of tears pushed the few on her lashes down her cheeks.

"It's not that, Kuryakin-sensei," Hotaru said, anxiously. "You don't understand. Something bad … will happen … something's got to be done to shake her up."

"Is this what you couldn't tell me about earlier?" he asked, quieting his voice after he'd heard Setsuna gasp, "Okay, calm down, and let's just let things lie for now. We'll talk about … what happens next … in the morning."

"Don't give up, please," she pleaded.

"I won't," he said, but only to calm her down.

"I am so sad," Hotaru said, dejectedly, "I feel like _I_ did this … like I messed everything up …"

"No, Hotaru-chan, I … never had a chance."

"This is all my fault …," she said, and it sounded like she was going to cry.

"No. Hotaru, listen. I meant what I said. You are … enough. Just finding you has been the greatest miracle of my life. You're everything, the only thing, to me now," he said, and his voice suddenly broke in that groaning, room shaking way that only a deep voice can. Even he couldn't believe what came out next. "Ah Hotaru, I didn't realize how much I wanted this. You did, though, didn't you? But you're all … I need. You really are. Your world is my world now. I will see you … tomorrow." Embarrassed by the loss of control that fully and finally betrayed just how deeply he had fallen for Setsuna, he opened the door to leave. She appeared in the entryway. He felt her presence but did not look back, and left with gentle "good bye, Miss Meioh."

* * *

Hotaru's eyes grew wide with the things she was seeing in her mind. Her eyes went ice cold. This was it. The thing causing her to freeze up had returned with a vengeance. Hotaru was about to lock up completely when a voice pulled her back.

"Hotaru-chan, what's wrong?" asked Chibiusa, deeply concerned. "Why are you so upset?"

"Something went wrong tonight."

"What happened? What do you mean?"

"I can see it now."

"What do you see?"

"Her eyes are black and wicked. Some one is fighting her. And it's me! I'm fighting her … because I'm the only one left. Something has her in its grip. All her love has been turned to jealousy and hatred. She's stopped time and frozen everyone else, but she has not died, or maybe she has, and something else is keeping her body going, but I'm the only one left who can still move, still stop her. My eyes are burning and fierce, and … and I have to kill her. I won't do it." she said breathlessly, grasping Chibiusa by the collar. "I may have done it once, but I cannot do it again, not now that I know her, not now that I love her. I would rather die."

'_There is always something you can do, even if it is nothing more than a whispered prayer.' _

"Chibiusa-chan, I am going to do something I have never once thought of doing before."

"What?"

"Pray."

"For what?"

"Who."


	42. Chapter 11 Part 4

**Till Our Lives Burn Out**

* * *

**Chapter 011 – Only Time Will Tell **

**(Part 4 -**** Redeeming The Time)**

* * *

But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every

human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?

- **Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn**

--

"I believe that I am mad," said Vertue presently.

"The world cannot be as it seems to be. If there is something to go to,

it is a bribe, and I cannot go to it: if I can go then there is nothing to go to."

"Vertue," said John, "give in. For once yield to desire.

Have done with your choosing. _Want something_."

**- C.S. Lewis -The Pilgrim's Regress bk.7 ch.1**

--

'It was my fault. I couldn't keep a strong heart and the

courage to defeat that mad criminal Death Phantom.

Pluto will forever rest in peace in the Crystal Palace, I promise.'

–**Neo Queen Serenity, Nemesis arc (manga)**

--

Accept and conquer; this is our fate.

To create a new destiny … that is our true mission.

**Sailor Pluto, Elysian Arc (Manga)**

--

Please forgive me. I turned my weapon against you

when you had merely brought Small Lady back.

_But you certainly are always a source of trouble for me_.

**Sailor Pluto to Sailor Moon, R Anime Episode 82**

* * *

Setsuna walked back to the living room. She was having trouble thinking. She felt very cold inside, and wanted to get back to the fire quickly, hoping that its warmth would impart to her that which the coldness had stolen. It did not. There was within her a rapacious indifference, if such a thing can be. Maybe it wasn't something part of her, but something calling to her.

From the moment she realized who was in the music room, playing that song and making her heart jump within her, the vague sense that this was an evening on a razor's edge between delight and disaster, with no middle ground, was never far from her. Yet the prospect of another lonely Christmas Eve and the pleasant, gentle, but intensely ardent nature of her suitor had made her comfortable with the idea of the date. In fact, he was perfect: acceptable, madly in love with her, and wanting to please her in any way she would allow, but weakened, and thus not the threat _that_ passion made him when whole. She could keep that distance between her and him, but enjoy being desired, too. She had even allowed some of the deep and growing affection she truly felt for him to emerge, if only in her own thoughts. She had been very careful not to lead him on too much, and he seemed to understand the limits she had set. She'd had full control, of herself, and her situation.

It had been a wonderful evening, more wonderful than she could have thought. She liked being _treated_ very much. Though she did not consider herself all _that_ elite, she had felt very much in her element in the elegant places, in the nice car, in the helicopter, flying above it all and looking down. The best moments were when she saw other people noticing them. She was 'with someone': someone she liked, who made her comfortable, someone who –now that she knew what he was – was fascinating to her, and because of what he was, someone who could speak with authority in those times when he made her feel she was a singular glory, unique in all the cosmos. He was handsome enough that other very elegant looking women had taken note, and flashed glances of approval. _Amour Propre_ is the stock exchange of snobbery, but in her case, for someone who had never had anyone, who had known loneliness as no one else could, and who had occasionally looked longingly at her monarchs and other happy couples, there didn't seem to be any harm in the enjoyment of a few appreciative and mildly envious looks. So similar yet so different from her was he that by the time it was over, she felt she had wandered as if in a dream between the two poles of comfortable familiarity and exotic excitement, and saw no harm in letting him in to the house to rest on the couch. He hadn't been faking anything, and it was a chance to finally return his kindnesses, and thank him for giving his all to help keep safe this world she loved. The idea of him close by wasn't unpleasant either. She felt loved by someone acceptable to her, yet, again, at a safe enough distance that she did not feel she was betraying her vow, or losing herself.

Then, with just a few words, that distance closed to nothing. A few words had seized her, rendered her vulnerable, brought out the feelings she was hiding deep within, and the speaker became someone she could not keep at arm's length, but a real and present suitor embracing her as his heart's desire. They were words very similar to ones she had, in her loneliest moments, longed to hear from someone else. Part of the pride she felt in her duty came from knowing she would never, ever hear those words from her king, yet soldiering on anyway: a sheer choosing, moment by conscious moment, affirming that innocent love. Then, just like that, he'd blown past all her carefully layered defenses, and with frightening ease had driven deep into the inner sanctum of her heart. Suddenly, the proposition was before her, with no mitigation. She had finally admitted exactly what loving another romantically even a little bit would cost her, and that it was a price she was not willing to pay. The one who wanted her so badly had realized, finally, what he was asking of her. Her vow was ever before her. Every time she was rendered vulnerable by him in this way, it rose up with all its many layers of protection to oppose him.

But finally, this time, she sensed that there was something was there with it. She hadn't noticed it, ever, until now, but this time that something had been a little too obvious, a little too vicious in its vehemence, and she was shocked. Apparently, he wasn't the only thing who could drive that deep into her heart.

'_Was that really me?'_

Something was there; familiar enough that it could hide, something that had cloaked itself within her own propriety, quietly turning it into unholy pride: something a part yet not a part of her. Why was she so unwilling to give up that which she could never truly have to gain something she might never truly lose? Was this really about her vow? That is what perplexed the coolly rational side of Hotaru so, and she had a point. Now, this wonderful night – and it was wonderful almost beyond words - had gone suddenly and badly wrong.

'_But it needed to,'_ she thought serenely, now. Whenever such conflicts arose in her, they were always occasions to reassert the purity of her devotion, and prove the quality of her character … and her love. _'Yes,'_ she thought, resorting to her default position to fight back against the confusion in her heart, _'let time and happenstance present me with a thousand such opportunities. I shall prove my quality again and again. And one day I will even outshine my queen in my love for him…'_

She gasped.

'_Where had that come from? _

"No!" she said aloud.

'_Was that demon they had battled right? The sweeter the apple, the more rotten the core?'_

She was startled as a voice sounded, though whether in her head or throughout the room, she did not know.

"_Now you see it, don't you?"_

It was not a loud voice; its weight came from the authority in it. It was the voice of her queen, so gentle yet commanding, but with something strange added: a vague hint of some threat in it.

"See what?"

_"Now you see what had Hotaru so terrified that she could not tell you of it."_

And she could, but her mind recoiled from it.

_"You might want to think about going after him?"_

"No, my mind is ever made up," she answered, icily.

"_I think you should go after him,"_ the voice repeated, much more gently this time.

She shook her head.

"_Please, dearest Pluto," _the voice pleaded.

Again, she shook her head.

"_Then it is time to speak plainly. Pluto: you have no idea of the sadness your death burned into my heart. It weighed upon me more and more, until I could no longer bear it. Witnessed only by Luna, I vowed a secret, sacred vow, and took some of the toughness of you, and Uranus, and Neptune, and yes, even Saturn, into myself. When you were reborn by my power, you gained some of my desire for your happiness in exchange. All this has come to pass according to my hope. You always wanted me to toughen up, to make the hard choices. This is what it looks like. Now, I must be very hard on you, Puruto. From this day forward, no longer is my husband yours to love, nor even to watch over from afar."_

Her expression crinkled to fury. "Then I want nothing and no one," she couldn't stop from saying quietly through clenched teeth, as her heart curdled with a bitterness that came from whence she did not know. She realized why Kuryakin felt like such a threat. This had to come out, and he was the efficient cause of it, but the formal cause was Neo Queen Serenity all along. Kuryakin had unconsciously gone along with a plan that someone else had initiated. She had seen something, and called for help, even going so far as to call for it from another galaxy. Were her tears _that_ powerful?

"_You cannot mean that,"_ said the voice. _"What of Small Lady? Of Hotaru? Of everyone else that you love? It cannot be you that wants that. Dearest Pluto, do you know why I lost most of my powers as a Senshi? Innocence is a beautiful thing, but it must be risked to gain something better. It is fragile, and often dies in the process. I lost much of my powers when, over time, I learned that there are always unintended consequences, that reality is difficult to bend, and that some things really are irredeemable. Even the innocence of romantic love must be risked."_

"I … know these things."

"_And I know you know -in your head, but not your heart. I wonder if you truly understand. Do not get me wrong. I gained more power than you can know. You have idealized My King too much. He is not perfect. And that is exactly why I love him, why I must love him. His loyalty to me, in the face of opportunities from much more worthy people like yourself has only strengthened my love for him. I adore my husband more than ever, but love is not blind; love is bound, to its beloved. The others retain their powers because they have never risked their innocence against reality, but it may be that they will never find their true, final power. They will not test and prove all things. Marriage is, of course, but one way to do that. Yet, perhaps, it is the best way. The challenge of accepting an "other" is the hardest challenge. I love them for their unswerving devotion to me, and yet I watched, and sometimes even wept, as they let opportunity after opportunity pass them by. In the end, they made an idol of the feeling of romance, and sacrificed the fulfillment to the feeling, and used their devotion to me as the excuse. In the face of such innocent devotion, I have never found the heart to tell them differently. I am yet too close to them perhaps. You are a different story."_

"How?"

"_There has always been a distance between us and you, and from the moment you were posted to the time gate, you were never all that innocent to begin with. You were 'born' that day, and 'born old.' Yet, by some curious inversion, is see now that you now have an opportunity to find a happiness and a power they cannot. Is your isolation so hard a thing to give up? You have used your unrequited love of my husband to keep yourself true to your duty. Very well. I did not know anything of it until you were reborn by my power. It was not a bad plan. It worked for a long, long time. It was never wrong, especially in the beginning when everything was up in flux, but now you are in danger of it, Pluto. It was inevitable that your love for him would be corrupted, for it cannot be completed; he can never be yours. It is a testimony to your strength of character, of your loving heart, that it has taken this long, but remember your vision when the seal was broken on the light in the one who loves you now. You may lose everything, and in losing you, I see now we may lose everything. You may yet become the next Beryl, the next Nehellenia, the next Galaxia, the next servant of envy, that is, of Chaos. For what is Chaos but the desire to obtain that which you cannot lawfully have, destroy that which you cannot possess, and make all things a mere extension of your self?"_

She had never quite understood the meaning of her seeing. "I would never … I would die first. I _have_ died, rather than …"

"_Are you certain you always will?"_

"Why would I not? My vow is unchanged," she said furiously, "and I have kept it all my days …"

"_Except at the end …" _

"I accepted my punishment. What has changed?""

"_I suppose I must explain. It is my fault – as was your death. When I drove Chaos out of Galaxia, it went back into the minds of everyone, including you. The Light of Hope is there too, of course. I consider it an advantage that Chaos is so dispersed it will be very hard for it to muster a concentrated threat anywhere. That hasn't prevented it from trying. Haruka was right. Ah, those unintended consequences. It will seek every opportunity to renew its drive to control all things. Do you see now?"_

"A little."

"_Chaos and hope have contended within you from the moment you met that man. You are in love with him. Everyone can see it. Everyone, but you. You, dearest Pluto, have been blinded by Chaos for four months. It has a plan for you because yours is a very great power. Even Galaxia recognized that only you, and Saturn, were any real threat to her."_

"Yes," Setsuna said, as she remembered how, in a moment when the Outer Planet Senshi were distracted, Galaxia had attacked and shattered the Garnet Rod and the Silence Glaive.

"_You are a superb target of opportunity. Do you remember when Rei Hino saw a shadow following him? It was not the enemy you've recently fought. It was you. Chaos within you. Following, watching, cringing in the shadows at the effect that man had on you. Have you wondered, even once, why you were at once so obsessed with Kuryakin-san, and so threatened by him? At once, so drawn to him and so repelled? You were drawn to him because you are a woman of great quality and deep passions. You have experienced things no one else can know, and yet …he knows you. He understands you as no else can, because he has been broken and remade dozens of times: honed and polished like diamond in a furnace and press of time, by a heat and pressure such as you alone can appreciate. In the short time of his life compared to yours, he has nevertheless experienced the depth of all things such as you alone knew. Now, he is in love with you, irrevocably, and you with him, deep calling to deep. You are repelled by him because Chaos is at work upon you, sifting you like wheat, intensifying any tension, heightening worries, deepening personal fears, amplifying jealousies, pains, or hidden resentments, seeking a foothold in you. Chaos desires you too, and more desperately than you can imagine. That last innocence that you spoke of? It is not your love of my king. It is your indifference to yourself, your pride in your selfless virtue. You are proud of your duty. Until now, it has been your most endearing and enduring innocence. However, that purity is the fulcrum with which Chaos is now trying to bend you." _

"Now that I know of it, I will resist with all my strength."

"_It's not that simple. Your very strength is now your weakness. Hotaru sees that you will bend in the end. I'm afraid there is no help for it now. It is time for you to want something real, something you can actually have. For yourself. For me, as for most, the problem was always too much desire and no discipline. Yours is the opposite. There is a reason Hotaru has been 'summoned'. Something must die, so it can be reborn as something else. Let go of my husband. If you can do that without seeking out another, fine. You are free to choose no one, so long as you relinquish your claim of love on my husband. You are not free to remain as you are without undoing everything you've suffered for. If it takes another to accomplish that, then go after him, for Hotaru's sake, as much as your own. Chaos, surely, is also at work upon Hotaru. Until he came, we could not see her. We feared the worst had happened, and now I begin to see why. If you were 'turned', and were to use your power …"_

"I would die. Again"

"_But what if you didn't? What if, somehow, Chaos sustained you, as Galaxia sustained Uranus and Neptune? Saturn alone would be able to fight you. She, too, is somewhat 'outside time'. She'd have to be, since a timeline is the last thing that must be closed in order for something else to be born. You are alive again only by my power, and that may have been another mistake on my part, though I truly hope not. Now, I know you as well as you know yourself. What can you tell me of whether you might be worn down eventually? That virtue which has been your strength has become your weakness. It is time to let it go, and be born to something else. I know you can do this. You are stronger willed than any of us. You had to be, and by all your trials you became stronger still."_

"Are you saying you _know_ I will …?"

"_I have always trusted you. Now you must trust me. The danger is real. A time could come when you will look back on him in terrifying sorrow as the one chance you had to avoid something that will undo all that your sacrifice made possible, and sour all your virtue. Go after him, or don't, but either way, let go. Endymion is my completion and mine alone, as I alone am his."_

"If I do not let go, is it certain I will fall into darkness?"

"_I will not answer that."_

"Please. I must know."

"_So you can feign to love someone else as yet another in the long chain of beautiful, tragic sacrifices you have made for the one you 'truly love'? That is not the answer. It will only deepen the problem and increase the possibility that you will fall. No thought of yours is hidden from me now. Could you be that unfair to one who loves you so?"_

"Love has never been about fairness," she said bitterly.

"_Ah, yes, how true that is. That, too, is something I have learned, and a hard lesson it is. You have suffered the pain of that knowledge so. But it cuts both ways."_

"I will never go against my vow."

"_Your vow is over, fulfilled. It has been used up; it is an empty shell. I know now, of how my King looked at you the moment you died. You have gotten all your love for him can possibly get you; you have given him all it can give. You are fulfilled, and your vow was fulfilled. You paid your debt to the one to whom you made it. It is nothing but the idolatry of fate, now. Cease to believe in fate, and you are free of it. Even in the midst of the harshest duty, we are made to be free; who can bind us but ourselves? That vow was not made to me. I am, and am not, my mother. She chose you because … you were the best. Though you came from a small world, even smaller than the moon, she saw you were the strongest, the sweetest, the most innocent, and, second only to her daughter, the most beautiful. For those reasons, she had to choose you. You were a sacrifice of sorts; and a sacrifice must always be the best we can offer, so you had to be the best we could offer. My mother wanted the gate guarded; I want the guardian of that gate to know what she's been guarding all this time, not from afar, but to taste it like honey and drink it like wine. It is I, not her, who is asking for your loyalty and your obedience now."_

"Please, I must know."

"_I cannot tell you for certain, but I would not, even if I could. Dear Pluto, now that I know of the danger, I love you too much to risk it, even in the slightest. I've lost you once, here in my time. I__** will not**__ lose you again, and to a far worse fate. Whether with him, or another … or no one, it is time to seek and to find your own happiness. Do not make me take away Small Lady, too. Let go."_

The fire had died down. The room had gotten cold, deepening the chill in her heart. She could see it now. See what was causing Hotaru to freeze up. Her Senshi self in thrall to Chaos, Sailor Saturn contending with her. Hotaru saw this. Setsuna remembered anew those times when she was alone with baby Hotaru, while Haruka and Michiru were away. That was the time when it had happened, when Hotaru, even as a babe, had become closest to her. But it was also the time when Setsuna fell the most deeply in love with the baby Hotaru, as any parent must fall in love the their child, or risk seeing them become a time bomb in society. And so, rather than fight against her, Hotaru would have taken her own life. Over the next few years, Setsuna would realize what Hotaru had done, and blame herself. The final straw would be Usagi and Mamoru's wedding. It was so very clever and elegant: Chaos: setting them all up to lose, as it always did.

Then Setsuna felt a soft, delicate hand on her shoulder, and some warmth returned. She sat silently for a moment. She was strong and disciplined, and not one to cry except under the greatest duress. This was such a time. Unable to hold back her pain any longer, a wail that would have sent chills through the hardest heart came from her very soul. If one had heard her worst enemy cry like that, one would crawl through fire and ice to reach her, and comfort her any way one could. She sobbed, deeply and bitterly, with tears, heavy like the drops of a tropical rain, falling from her eyes. She did not know for how long. Time seemed to stand still as she unburdened her heart from its trials and pains, reckoning each one, and then letting go. Only every last ounce of hard learned, hard won self discipline enabled her to do so.

"_I know how much it hurts,"_ said the voice, and she knew somehow her queen was, literally, suffering with her. _"I am so sorry. You have been so faithful. Oh please, please, be whole. Be refreshed, be truly reborn."_

The warm, sweet light flooding her heart was wholly peaceable and forgiving. There was no malice or spite, no jealousy over the fact that once, and once only, Endymion had looked at another as he only looked at her, nothing other than the purest desire to pre-empt the fall of the most long-suffering and devoted servant of her kingdom. Hugging herself as she trembled, and feeling all her eons of loneliness more deeply than she ever had before, Setsuna was wholly chastened and unsure. She began to remember the beginning. She remembered the first time she saw Endymion, and how moved she was. Further back, she remembered how she was once young, kneeling, and staring up at Queen Serenity, receiving her instructions for guarding the gate. She could see herself through the old queen's eyes even now. How young and awed she looked. How preciously the past queen held her in her gaze. She remembered how humbled and honored she felt. She also remembered feeling free, free as only a meaningful purpose that will involve your whole being can make you feel. All the future was before her. It was love itself looking down at her, seeing that she was the only one who could do the job, confirming her election.

'_What is the point of remembering all this?'_ she wondered.

'_So you can realize who you are, and who the one that loves you is,'_ Serenity replied._ 'Who are you? What made you? It was love that taught you all your skills –like him. It was love that made you strong and erudite and caring and self disciplined – like him. It was devotion to an unreachable love that kept you to your task – like him. It is love that has unsettled you as it has unsettled him. It was love that risked sending you to this time, so that you-like him- could be a pinpoint weapon against great enemies. Though you were a galaxy away from each other, you were bonded by common experiences. He understands you, as even I cannot. And he is giving up something, too. You have never been alone, for there is someone who has trod a similar path and in less time than you. If you feel no sorrow for yourself, then feel my sorrow for you. If you feel sorrow for yourself, then take the next step and feel sorrow for him." _

It was over. This was the end: the end of her vow, the end of her imposed duty, of her world, as she knew it. Sustained for the duration by pride in her tragic destiny, Setsuna now lost her taste for it, and with that, the tang went out of her unrequited love. It became a bland and dull thing: a longstanding habit, a mere simulacrum of true, deep desire. She feared to release it because she feared there would be nothing left of her. She was nearly right. She was long used, and nearly used up. Yet, though there was little left of her without her duty, there was something. She was alive, as when the world was new to her, and she could choose. As long as there is life, there is hope, and on that, she could and would build a future, her future. She still had Chibiusa, and Hotaru and her two dearest friends, Haruka and Michiru. She realized too, that in a way, she had been used. The Old Queen, while loving and honoring her greatly, had let things happen as they did in order to make her into the kind of woman who could perform that hardest of duties. In the performance of that duty, she had done very similar things, and could not, now, feel any ill will about it.

It was becoming easier to let go. She could not hold on now anyway, knowing that Serenity knew, without an act of conscious, willful, prideful disobedience. Serenity had been counting on that probably. It could not be undone. She could only go forward from here. It was silly to fall over a sin she could never commit anyway. She could not, of course, give up something that had so long been a part of her with out damage. There was now a hole in her heart not unlike the one inflicted seven decades ago in the man she had just driven away - for the second time. Here, there was a curious thing: in the peace that came over her, she felt not empty, but _emptied, _hollowed out, with the hope, indeed to the very purpose, of receiving something else. The Queen saw this as well.

'_You have not changed time. It has changed you. Now you will see what Chaos has kept from you these last four months.' _

With that, she could consider for the first time whether she needed … _him_. As she saw clearly now, none of this was any more difficult a thing with which to be reconciled than the sense of tragic destiny she had surrendered. With that, there was one last burning question she needed to ask.

"Are we still needed?" she asked plaintively.

"_More than ever, but in ways you never saw coming nor could have even imagined. By what you do next, you might even lead the others. Yes, you are still needed. Desperately." _

"Will things … change?"

"_Yes, the precious future will change, but it is my kingdom to risk on a new, more perfect, future. You said it yourself: _

Accept and conquer; this is our fate.

To create _a new destiny_ … that is our true mission.

_If we fight when we must, and otherwise work within ourselves, they will be little changes, and largely for the better. The years are going to the same place regardless, as you know, Pluto. For you, in your now, the timeline that your counterpart guards even now is done and finished, by my will. Unintended consequences may abound, you are still the time guardian, but I am still not satisfied with this future: too narrow a perfection, as you said so well. Too narrow, because it did not include you - and Hotaru- alive, whole, celebrated, loved, and happy. So we shall do it yet again, from the beginning. Your beginning. It shall be built from the ground up, not from the top down; not by great acts, but by small ones done for ones we love with honesty and excellence. How do you make your dresses? One stitch at a time. Now you, too, you must do a lot of commonplace, unimportant, arduous, humdrum, little things for your neighbors, your friends, your loved ones, and for those happenstance throws your way; and you must do them well and without complaint. If it comes at all, paradise will come one choice and one person at a time. Because you now know this, you are needed now more than ever."_

All her questions were answered. Her new life was before her. Should she ….?

"_There is still time. Go after him, if you choose."_

Hesitation, yet.

"_One thing will NOT change. Endymion is mine alone. Don't worry though. He's not everything you've made him out to be. In some ways, he's better; in others, not so much. I think you'd do best to go after that man, but it is your choice."_

Still no movement.

"_As you wish, but …well, don't you find him cute, even a little?"_


	43. Chapter 11 Part 5

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 011 – Only Time Will Tell **

**(Part 5)**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

Evil will oft evil mars. -** JRR Tolkien**

* * *

"Love you? I _am_ you." **- Charles Williams**

* * *

… Now I know the stakes I played for,

Now I know what worm _(=desire)_ is made for.

**- C.S. Lewis, "Vertue's Song," **

**The Pilgrim's Regress. **

* * *

Setsuna began, haltingly at first, to walk to the window. She was perfectly clear that 'letting go' did not mean she had to choose him. Objectively, she ought not to. Even until a few minutes ago, if she had been given the choice between this and never meeting Peter Kuryakin, she would have taken the latter course without a moment's hesitation. Yet, she was beginning to 'see it' now: see the way others had seen her for the last four months.

How might it have gone, if she hadn't been so blinded by her own strength? What exactly had Chaos stolen from her? When would she have fully realized how she'd felt, and, perhaps, acted upon it? That day they first met, there was an odd _frisson_ that came from merely being around him. He was so full of life, and the later discovery of his failings and the burden that he carried from them did nothing to diminish it; in some ways, it made only made him more perfect for her. She intuitively sensed this, and it was 'electric' being around him. Beforehand, she'd seen so clearly how that meeting, where they would talk about Hotaru's problem and needs, was to go, and yet from the moment she saw him she was completely bemused, and nothing had gone like she'd intended. Twice the very weekend after that, she had called him, ostensibly to talk about Hotaru, but long after she asked the questions she'd meant to, she would keep thinking of new things to say, anything to keep the conversation going. This happened every time he called her, or she called him. No wonder he'd had fallen for her. She was, in her own, very subtle way, flirting with him.

She looked around the room, trying to find her cell phone. Her decision was slowly but surely being made, and she knew how it was going to go. "He will have you in the end, I think," Hotaru had said. She was also starting to see the timeline clearly again, and how everything was going to go from this choice onward. It was … different, but she liked what she saw, very much, and there seemed to be no harm in it to the things and the ones she loved, so it would be best not to let him get too far away. If she couldn't reach him, she was going to leave a message, and in it, she would make any promise, say any _thing_ she had to. Her phone was on the end table, and as she reached for it, she looked out the front window. The car was still there, and covered in an undisturbed layer of snow. She closed her eyes and then looked again just make sure it was really still there. There was no sign of him, but relief came over her. She ran to the front door, and, underdressed though she was, walked out into the cold. He wasn't in the car. She was puzzled, and about to call his name, when she noticed the footprints in the snow, leading to the woods near the house.

'_Where has he gone?'_

Snow continued to fall, but if she hurried, she would still be able to follow the foot prints. She ran back into the house, went upstairs, quickly put on warm clothes, and then headed out to find him. The footprints led her through the woods that ended at the scenic overlook on the other side of the highway. _'That must be where he is going,'_ she thought, and then she half ran, worried that if he was going to the place that reminded him of where he nearly ended his life … then, a strange peace came over her. She needn't worry about that, something told her, and immediately her mind filled with thoughts of these last four months.

She remembered the day he brought Hotaru home. They walked together with Hotaru between them. She had been tired at the moment, wanting to get to the house, and sit down for a few minutes before starting dinner. But there he was, sauntering toward her, as she hugged Hotaru. Instantly, she was on her best behavior, and he, she now realized, was working hard to look casual and indifferent.

'_That was probably the first time he'd truly begun to realize how he felt about me,'_ she thought, smiling. _'That was a pleasant moment, but … too soon.'_

The snow was tapering off. It had been quite heavy at first. A good four inches fell in that first hour, and then a few more. She had to work a little to get through it. Her breathing became labored, as she thought about when she should have 'told him.'

'_Perhaps that night at the hospital?'_

What a night that had been. She hadn't been that tired in a long time. No wonder she had been caught so off-guard. Dr. Mizuno's willingness to discuss what she knew of him had occurred at just the right moment to turn him from an "outsider" into someone warm and stunningly human. He had been so good that night, so caring and compassionate. When their hands touched for a moment, there was the pleasant shock of the hidden unexpectedly revealed, and before Chaos had corrupted the feeling, she had nearly done it: nearly put the cup down, stood up, seized his head in her hands, pulled him to her and kissed him madly right there, in front of everyone. If Hotaru hadn't interrupted … but she had, and by the next day, the shudder Chaos felt at the danger to its plans became her own authentic reaction and she had put the moment from her memory.

The snow was wet and heavy, and clung to her boots as she moved, but she was feeling lighter and lighter, and it was not deterring her. Nothing was going to deter her, now.

Perhaps the day he caught her tailing him? What on earth had he thought of her after that? She must have seemed almost … desperate? She should have given into that impulse to catch up and take a walk with him. And then, maybe at the end of it …. Yes, that would have been nice. And they could have had dinner together that evening. Yes, very nice.

Or perhaps she should have allowed Hotaru's machinations to sweep away the long millennia of her past, and given into them and to him, that night of their 'first date.' Strange, how pliant she'd been that night. It was almost as if part of her understood she was being set up, and was perfectly willing for it to happen. Perhaps the night she drove him away? What if she had just chucked her deceptive plan and given in to her own pretense?

Or maybe that moment just a few nights ago when she stood atop the stairs and asked him why he had told her not to transform. She had nearly done it, that night, too: thrown out everything that had happened up to that point, and told him and kissed him and …

'_Ah, of course,'_ she thought. She had, briefly, wondered how he'd felt in the aftermath of that moment when he had to admit in front of everyone …

"The night of that lecture …" she said aloud, nodding to herself. The footprints she'd been following suddenly stopped, well short of the highway. She looked around wondering where he had gone. Then she noticed that the last set of footprints had handprints near them too. He must have knelt down. But then what? Where was he?

"My lecture?" said Kuryakin's voice from somewhere above. "What about it?"

And in the moment she heard his voice - that deep, sure, sonorous voice- she knew. She made her choice, and sealed it in her heart, irrevocably, for all time. Destiny had kept her from the man she first loved. She wasn't going to let it do that to her again. Chaos had intended to use her love for Endymion as the fulcrum to sew bitterness, to turn her, and to bend her to its will. In doing so, it had prevented her from enjoying everything that came from falling in love with someone she could actually have: the shy, first realizations, the bewildering hopefulness, the subtle flirtations and hints, the rush of passion in the moment of full revelation, and all that should rightly follow. All those things had been there, in a way, but every part of it had been poisoned. She was utterly furious over what had been stolen from her. She wanted it back- _all_ of it. And thus, in the end, Chaos could not have done a more effective job of completely delivering her into the arms of another. She smiled at that. Then she looked up and to her left, and saw him perched in a tree, quite high up.

"Come down here, now," she commanded very calmly.

He jumped down, dislodging clumps of heavy snow that trailed behind his descent, and landed nimbly in front of her. Quite close.

"This is your … ski bunny look?" he asked, looking her up and down. She had on a white ski jacket. She was not made-up, but exertion and the cold had reddened her lips and cheeks and, in the stilled air, the vapor from her breathing played languorously about her face. "So terribly beautiful," he concluded softly.

She looked at him in silence, with the same eyes she had looked at him that first day. Did she see anything about him that did not please her?

"What were you doing up there?" she asked.

"I was walking to that scenic spot down the road."

"What were you … planning on doing once you got there?" she asked as though she knew the answer.

Knowing she knew it, he said nothing.

"And then?"

"I got about where you are now, and I heard … well, a voice, I suppose."

"What did this … voice say?"

"It said, _'haven't we been down this road before?'_"

"And that was enough to stop you?"

"For the moment," he said.

"Anything else?"

"It asked me, _'now that all your hopes are crushed, will you keep on … for no other reason than that I require it of you?'_"

"And your answer?"

"I … stayed put. And the voice said _'all things are now yours.'_"

She considered this and realized that she wasn't the only one being 'worked on' and that it had been foolish for her to come so close to thinking so. Now, it was her turn to talk.

"You shall be quiet and listen to me," she said calmly.

'_Okay,'_ his expression said.

"The night of that lecture …"

'_Yes?'_ he nodded.

"When you had to admit what happened to your wife and child, what happened afterward?"

Apparently, he had leave to answer, though he should probably keep it short and to the point. "I went to a faculty mixer and chatted with several people."

"And after that?"

"I went home."

"What were you thinking when you reached … home?"

"I recall being … _curious_ as to why you had come," he said.

"And nothing else?"

"I don't … understand what you're asking."

"Were you not hurting? At all?" she asked, her voice tenderly empathetic. "Having to admit so publicly the great sorrow that set your life in motion?"

Something had changed. For her to have cared enough to guess that, something that was blocking the free flow of her feelings for him must have been removed. In her voice, there was a warmth that had long been struggling to get out, and meeting heavy resistance, and now having triumphed, it made her seem … bigger somehow. He nodded and looked down, and by the look on his face, she knew the night of that lecture may have been the most miserable he'd spent on this world. It had been. He had taken considerable pleasure in speaking before a crowd, and considerably more in the exchange of ideas during the Q&A and later at the faculty mixer. But when it was over, and the fun of it was spent, the only thing that remained was "the re-entry problem." In the midst of all the fun, the old wound was unexpectedly torn open afresh, and this re-entry was a 'crash and burn' of the worst sort. Only with the aid of a hefty bottle of vodka had he been able to get any sleep.

"That is when I should have done it," she said, smiling slyly but sweetly too.

He looked puzzled.

"I am truly sorry that I did not," she said, looking wistfully past him for a moment. "You needed someone that night, did you not? Usually, I am so good at being where I am needed, and when. I _could_ have been there, but, instead, there was … no one. Oh, how I wish I'd done it then."

"Done what?"

"Late as it was, I should have called you," she said, looking at him again. "I should have told you to come to this house, right then, to meet me. And you would have said, 'can it not wait?' And I would have said 'no, it _must_ be now.' You would have come; I _know_ you would have come. As you drove here, you would have been thinking, 'oh dear, I said something wrong during that lecture and now she no longer wishes for me to teach Hotaru,' and when you got here you would have started right in explaining yourself, and making very eloquent excuses, and then I would have done this …"

She put a hand to his lips.

"And I –as I _should_ have done," she said, her voice whispering and plaintive, "would have told you, plainly, for the first time: 'Mister Kuryakin? I am in love with you.' And then I would have enjoyed your stunned expression –reveled in it, in fact- and then … and then …"

And then, she finally did what she could not, so many times these last four months, bring herself to do. She put aside her fears, her burdens, her 'destiny,' and took his head in her hands and she kissed him, long and deeply. Neither of them knew how long it lasted, for they were once again in that place where time is not measured by seconds, but by sighs, caresses and the whispering of names: by the way she rubbed against him like an affectionate feline: by the way he passionately pulled her to him and ran his hands through her hair, gathering it in bunches and tugging at different strands.

"Do you understand, now?" she asked, as they finally parted.

He nodded. She turned and took his hand.

"Come," she said, as she began leading him toward the house. There was time for a bit of talking, though she was going to be quick in cutting off any attempt by him to take over the conversation. There many things yet to speak of, explanations owed, spoken in quite deliberate tones, a post mortem of both their lives to this point.

"I am still very proud of my duty …" she said.

"There is no reason you shouldn't be."

"… but I am no longer quite sure of who I am. I was a certain way for so long, and now it is gone."

"So, … start at the beginning. What do you still know? For certain?"

She thought for a few moments as the made their way through the snow.

"That I love Small Lady."

"Tell me of that. Tell me everything."

She thought a little. She would take the roundabout way to telling him about how she and Chibiusa met.

"I first saw him …" she began, as she paused and looked up at the snow dusted trees that glowed silver against the gauzy orange background light of the sky, "when I looked into the future and saw what was to come. I watched it –foolishly perhaps- again and again. I saw the beauty of that kingdom, and of its queen, … and I saw _him_. And that was when I began to harden myself for the duty of making sure that kingdom came to pass. I was young and honored and idealistic. And filled with dreams of many things … including romance, and as I saw him again and again, I fell deeper and deeper in love with him and everything he represented. In the delirium of that desire, I made a promise to myself. Even though I knew that it could never be, I purposed that no man would ever have me, save him …"

She glanced at him for just a moment.

"I dreamed a maiden's dreams of that. In time, I learned the isolation and loneliness of my post, and, hardest of all, the burden of it. And when I felt weak, I would remember how I felt about him, and harden myself with ever greater determination to see his kingdom, their kingdom, come to pass. The first time I met him was well into what everyone else here thinks of as the future. When I saw him, in the flesh, I could scarcely contain my beating heart. I knelt before him and said, 'A fair day to you, Sir Knight, King of Earth.' His first words to me? 'Fair it is to have met so fair a guardian.' I almost swooned."

Kuryakin smiled. Though he did not like hearing about her devotion to her unrequited love, her kiss still burned on his lips, and she was truly and finally letting him in to her life. Her life story was the story of her soul; it was fascinating beyond measure, even without the added fact that he was madly in love with her. He had been patient, and he would have to be patient a little longer. She began to walk toward the house again. He followed.

"I was charged with protecting the Time Gate by the first Queen Serenity. I was so awed by her, even more than him. And I was so proud to be given such a duty, for I knew it honored me above so many others. As she presented the Garnet Rod to me, she told me of three rules I must never break:

_I was never to allow anyone to travel through time._ Since the gate is nearly impossible to find, anyone who attempted the gate could have only that in mind, and was to be killed without hesitation.

_I was never to leave my post._ That was the hardest thing of all, for there were times when I longed to fight along side the others. The only thing that sustained me was the distant light of my queen and my princess.

And finally, _I was never to stop time._ I did not even realize that was possible, and when she told me of it, I fully realized the importance of my duty. I assumed my post and all went well, for a while. But then came the most dreadful moment in all my life. When the Silver Millennium Kingdom fell, I and the other Outer Planet Senshi were at our posts. We saw it happening, and we could do nothing. Our talismans resonated, calling forth Saturn to end it all. She came, lowered the Glaive, and our lives gave out without even one chance to help them. I wonder if you can imagine our agony in that moment."

He looked as though he could, and somehow, she believed it.

"The others were lost to time for many eras. But Guardian Pluto brought me back. Once Saturn's work was fully done, and her own life gave out, she went back into stasis. My powers enabled, and even required, that I be brought back, for with that timeline ended and another begun, that gate must yet be guarded. I returned, and stood my post, lonelier than ever with no one to comfort me, for all that I knew had passed away. I did know that the prince and the princess were to be reborn, and all her guardians with her. Some solace came to me in that. In time, they were reborn, they suffered many trials, and then the king found his queen, and they had a child. Many trials later, in which I did many hard, even terrible, things, Crystal Tokyo was realized, and something else happened as well. I discovered that the time gate is intimately linked to it. There is a forbidden corridor that quickly leads one to the other.

Then, in what we hoped was the final trial, the Civil War with the Black Moons began and was ended. They and their followers were exiled to Nemesis, and peace was established. I was so proud to see the king and queen come into their own, and defend it so well. I was, however, troubled by the queen's unwillingness to deal more harshly and conclusively with the Black Moons. I felt that was a mistake, and I would be proven right. As for my king, his maturity only deepened my love for him and the sincerity of my vow: if the only way to love him was to stay true to him, knowing it would never be, then I would do it, forever. Help came to me, too. Their daughter, Small Lady Serenity, found me, befriended me, and became a source of great comfort to me. She was made an outsider by her circumstances too. She is actually very old, yet still a child. Her and I found one another, and the love I could never show for her father, I gave to her, until it became a thing unto itself.

When the attack of the Black Moons came, I saw them overwhelmed. Somehow, the actions of Small Lady gave them an opening. She ran from what she had done. What child wouldn't? The queen went outside the protection of the palace to find her. That was when they struck. All was nearly lost. I have never told anyone of this, but I looked into the gate to see the outcome. And I could not see it. This had never happened before. It was like being instantly blinded. What could it mean? I was terrified, as I have never known terror. I became certain that it meant the enemy would win. Were all my years of faithful duty to him, and her, and their child and their kingdom to be for naught?

Then came the breaking of the first of the three laws: Small Lady stole one of my keys, and went back into the past. I know now that is what changed everything. That future will never be, now. She brought the Senshi of the past – of this time -into the future to save us. In that battle, I broke the second rule. I always longed to go and fight with the others, especially when the battles did not go well. When the enemy's final assault began, my heart was breaking, and there was another fear, too. A personal one. If the Palace fell to the Dark Moon Clan, it was possible that the Time Gate would fall to them by right of conquest, and that I would be powerless to stop it. Indeed, it seemed that my powers, which came from it, would now be theirs, and worse, … that _I_ would now be theirs. I wondered, would I be enslaved? Would I, whose last innocence was a dream of innocent love preserved all these eons, of willingly, continually, giving myself for one man and one man only, be crushed down, as I was 'given' to someone … to be forced … taken by someone other than … _him,_ without even one chance to defend myself, or to fight for everything and everyone I loved? How many times though the time gate had I seen that very thing happen to so many throughout history? I would rather that I died. For the palace to fall and for me to be taken alive, that was my worst fear: the only fear _for my own self_ I have ever known.

So, I was at my post, in terror of an outcome I could not see. Then little Diana came to me, and told me that we were losing and that Small Lady – my dearest Small Lady- had awakened as the enemy's queen."

Though her voice was wonderfully soft and steady, a few tears fell from her eyes.

'_Diana?'_ she could feel the eyes upon her asking.

"A kitten," she said looking at him. "The child of the talking cats. She begged me to go help, and offered to guard the gate. 'I do not have anything like your power,' she said, 'I am tiny, but I am better than nothing. Go through the door, Puruto. You _must_ go, when you desire it _this much_.' Dear, sweet little Diana. Just like Small Lady."

She wiped her eyes.

"I left my post, thus violating the second prohibition. When I arrived on the scene, the worst possible thing was about to happen. To prevent it, I had to break the final law. I stopped time. I realized then, that was why I could not see the outcome. Time is in my blood. When I stopped it, I stopped myself. My crime contained my punishment. From the time I accepted my duty, I lost all my innocence, in every way … but one. I have done things, or allowed things to happen, because of those laws; in the end, I broke them. I altered things, as many, throughout history, wished they could have done, with all their hearts, with all their tears.

My punishment was just.

I lay there, dying, but there was solace; there was still that one innocent part of me, the part that lived and endured everything for him, and he finally saw it, for the first time. Because I was dying, he could see and acknowledge that innocent and unrequitable love for him, his queen, his child and his kingdom in center of my heart. Dying, after ages of selfless devotion, is what it took to get a small taste of what I had longed for. And the others wonder that I look so sad? That _is_ sad, is it not? He looked at me as you looked at me that night- as I know you are looking at me now- …"

A few more tears fell from her eyes.

"… with such pity in his eyes, as though he was seeing my soul for the first time: as though he understood me for the first time: understood how precious were his few visits to me; and he looked at me as though I, of all people, least deserved to die.

That was the end, and my beginning.

When I was awakened in this age, it was by the power of the New Queen. By her power, I was stronger than ever. Everything about me was stronger, including my hopes and dreams. Thus, with that, came other changes. As Setsuna Meioh, that which I had borne weighed upon me anew. Only because Small Lady came to this time did I gain any new sense of purpose, for in this time, and in New Queen's power, I saw things differently. I felt … the emptiness, the loneliness, of this aftertime, where I had given all and seemed, at times, to have nothing. That night that Tsukino-san spoke of was the first time I ever gave voice to it. In the reverie of that moment, I realized I had truly come to long for that kind of intimacy. I realized I _wanted_ something; something I could actually have. I was never very assertive where my self was concerned, for I originally came from a small and humble world, but being reborn on this world, as a human, and in her power, there was awakened in me her desire for my happiness. Yet, even now, it seems where my own self is concerned, things must be done for me, or they will not be done at all. I did consider others because the vows I had made -the one to the old queen and the personal vow I made to myself- were fulfilled by my death. I had given all. But I still retained the old habits, and the knowledge of what I had desired. I knew it would be a long time before I escaped the shadow of these things: a long time before I could truly smile. So it was no good. I compared everyone to him, and I realized that I would continue to be alone, because no one could ever match him."

"Then some one did," she said, looking at him again. "How unfair of you. Seeing you meant that it really was the end of me, of my past. This I knew, if only intuitively. Now, in my mind, I can see you coming around the corner of that building for the first time, carrying my final death in one hand. But somehow I knew, dimly, that you were carrying new life in the other. I can see the moment I noticed your hands, your face, and that moment later when I saw your eyes. I was in disbelief. Was it possible that someone could have done it, matched, in one glance, the one I loved? I denied that for as long as could. Hotaru, and the others, wore me down. Hotaru did so consciously. If this is what you wanted, you owe them something, and her everything."

He nodded, knowing this well.

"So then, why?"

He looked puzzled again.

"Why did you not take Hotaru up on her offer? Were you trying to hurt me, as I did you?"

"_Were_ you trying to hurt me?" Kuryakin asked.

"I fear so. You were, in a way, trying to kill me, and I have never 'died' easily."

"I knew … this … was going to take a good deal of patience."

"Then why did you not stay with us? Had I to look in on you every few minutes of the day, had I to go to sleep knowing you were in this house, what happened in the last twenty-two minutes might have been spread out over days. It … might have gone more easily for me, and it would have been gentler of you."

"I was … exhausted, spent," he said, "I needed to be away for a bit. Away from you, and the burden of the love I felt for you. Which was impossible, but …."

"Then, like the night of that lecture, you needed me more than ever. That is not the reason. Why did you not come with us?"

"I could see a little of what was happening to you."

"Then why did you not tell me of it?"

"Would you have believed me?" Kuryakin asked very deliberately. "I was hardly a disinterested observer. And you were acting … strangely. I … tried to hint at it the day we had some tea together. It seemed to me that what was needed was a clean if traumatic break. Anything less would not have been enough. I … wanted this so much, and I'm pretty sure now that everything had to happen the way it did. If I was wrong, I beg you to forgive me. I long only to be gentle to you."

'_The day we had some tea together… Of course, that's how he would think of it. Not 'the day I caught you tailing me, you strange woman.' He might be right,'_ she admitted to herself. She probably would have done as the queen said, and turned it all into one more beautiful sacrifice for the one she _truly_ loved. "I … am having so much trouble understanding why this happened to me," she said with a bit of exasperation. "It feels as though everything that came before was … all for nothing."

"Is it so hard to realize that everything which came before might not have been about timelines or destinies," he said tentatively, "but about … you? About turning you into the woman I see before me? Y'know, I …"

"Kuryakin-kun … no, _Peter-kun_, shhhh," she said, again putting her hand to his lips. She was going to keep this conversation on track, and make it go where she, not he, wanted. "It is possible, but I would never have guessed it. I suppose it did have to happen this way, at least something like this way. I fell for you at once, as with him, and hated you for it. But now that fury is spent; only the love remains."

"I had been hoping …"

"Shhh," she admonished him again. "You are very much like him; you, with your hair like a storm at night, your eyes like the lightning, and your voice like thunder. A little rougher around the edges, a little wilder, perhaps. I'm not sure whether I like that or not, but perhaps I shall. I am rather exacting, for I have lived my whole consciousness under very exacting laws - though I eventually broke them."

She paused, then her eyes gleamed impishly.

"Oh, I see now. Falling for you is a continuation of my penance," she said, smiling as he got a "that was cold" look in his eye. "You seem to understand me so well. How? You should not be able to match the one I loved in anything. Yes, I have died, but my consciousness has never been broken. I have never had to relearn, upon being awakened. Even at ninety, you should be but a boy … oh God, you are _no_ boy. How can you have done this?"

He was silent.

"You may speak," she said, with a little smile. "How have you done this?"

"I don't know," he replied with a shrug. "How does one look at you make sense out of the thousand things I wish I could forget and the few kindnesses I'll remember till the day I die? All I know is that to every 'why' I ever shouted to the skies, it seems you are the answer. You were from the moment I saw you: an answer that I can touch, and please, and give myself to, and taste like honey, and drink like wine: someone I can love holding nothing back. Everything I suffered was turning me into the man who could love you and you alone till my life burns out."

'_Taste like honey and drink like wine? The very same words,'_ she thought. "Then you do know exactly how I felt, in every way."

"Yes, I think so. I have seen your soul. The soul is everything you do over the course of your life, seen as a whole. And yours has only begun. Only someone with a perspective outside time can see a soul. I have a bit of that perspective. You have it too, though you've scarcely realized your ability to see it. That's why I said I could see what the Ravager could not. The day I met you, I saw a bit of the end result spread out through time. I was … I am mesmerized."

"You talk too much," she said.

"Anything to keep a conversation with you going, lovely Miss Meioh, fairest of the Senshi."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied.

"From now on," she commanded coyly, "when I say 'thank you' for something, I want you to say 'you are welcome' as you did that night at the hospital."

"That night you requested _When I Fall in Love_ …"

"That is the only song like that I care for. Ever since I first heard it, those words have been a kind of anthem to me."

They had reached the door of the house, and stood there for minute, their breathing slightly labored.

"So then, do you forgive me?" Kuryakin asked quite humbly.

Perhaps, or perhaps not, by way of an answer she finally said, "You _shall_ stay here tonight."

After a moment, he asked, "Are you _sure_?"

That calm, little smile that was somehow like a placid lake yet simultaneously like a thousand stars going hypernova was her answer.

"Are you going to go through this door, Pluto? You _must_ go, if you desire it enough."

"I desire it."

He held the door open, ushering her inside, and then he seized her shoulders, holding her from behind.

"I love you so" he whispered softly into her ear. "I want you, in every way. Let me in, my love, and let it be said that the joining of the two galaxies began here, very long ago. Let me have you -all of you- and I will give all of myself to you, and be the violin for that eternal song in your heart."

"More like the cello, I think," she said, as she turned her face to his, and then touched his face with hands still cold. She was standing on a step now, and could see him eye to eye, more or less. She put her arms on his shoulders and riffled his hair again. How warm he was. Even fatigue and the wet, penetrating cold of the snowy night hadn't overwhelmed it. She sighed resignedly, then closed her eyes and kissed him deeply, again. She felt happiness untainted by any sorrow. She began to know in the very core of her being what Hotaru had felt from day one: the same light that had sustained her in all her trials was now physically with her. How? She did not know, but it was holding her, touching her, kissing her. Its voice was saying things that made her blush, and made her eyes close languorously, ravishing her soul with words as its hands caressed her face, reverencing every inch. It was different from her queen: aggressive, not passive, but two sides of the same coin. Its rays were now spreading backward through all her sad and lonely days, flooding her entire being -every surrendered, lonely year- with the two most wonderful things in all of creation: sweetness and light. She had never been alone, the light was saying to her. Her darkest hour was her brightest day; her death, and new and better birth.

"… and in your eyes are all the stars contained, my dear, sweet, lovely Miss Meioh …" he said, his awed voice barely above a whisper.

"You may call me Setsuna now," she whispered alluringly.

"I've dreamed of calling you that. But now, I don't think that will be enough. _Lovely Setsuna_, or better still, _Bella 'Suna_, I think. Yes, I like that very much."

"One day," she said slyly, "I shall tell you my true name. Once I do, you must never tell anyone. And you must use it only when we are alone … like this."

"Ah, so no one else knows this … name?"

"No one living. Not even Small Lady. Nor Hotaru. Ah, Hotaru," Setsuna said wistfully. "She is the one this has been about from the beginning. I once set out to slay her, and now I love her so."

"In her own, very different way, that charming Little Firefly has been every bit the seductress you were."

"I am _not_ a seductress …"

"Not intentionally. Which is even more seductive. I should call her now and …"

"Later," she said, blushing at the thoughts coming into her mind. "I am not entirely sure of … certain things yet. I shall give myself … only after many vows are made. I need … assurance and affirmation."

"There are vows you must make, too," his voice gently rumbled in her ear.

"I still have responsibilities."

"So do I."

"You should be aware there are … passions … within me running deeper than you can imagine," she said, though she blushed again at her own words.

"I have a strong and facile imagination."

"You have no idea what you are in for."

"Neither do you."


	44. Chapter 12 Epilogue

**Till Our Lives Burn Out **

* * *

**Chapter 012 – Eschaton**

* * *

**Epigraphs:**

_Cogito, ergo sum. __Mensuror, quiat existo._

_Audio, ut fiam. Respondeo, etsi mutabor._

(I think, therefore I am. I will be measured (tested) because I exist.

I listen, that I may become. I respond, although I will be changed.)

–**Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy**

* * *

Look to this day,

For yesterday is but a dream,

And tomorrow is only a vision,

But today, well lived,

Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore, to this day.

**Sanskrit Proverb**

* * *

Yet I know that good is coming to me -- that good is always coming;

though few have at all times the simplicity and the courage to believe it.

What we call evil, is the only and best shape, which, for the person and his

condition at the time, could be assumed by the best good.

– **George MacDonald - Phantastes**

* * *

Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love, time is not.

**Henry Jackson van Dyke -** **"Katrina's Sundial"**

* * *

Woman is aroused by man, and man submits to woman.

But even as they marvel at each other, the solution and

dissolution of their wonder is at hand –the love which has

befallen them. They are no longer a wonder to each other;

they are in the very heart of wonder.

**-Franz Rosenzweig **

* * *

On the face of it, what happened immediately after that might seem strange. Even filled with passion of the moment, neither of them was the sort of person to do anything too rash. Yet, as they lost themselves in each other, one thing led to another.

Hotaru's first inkling of what had happened after Kuryakin called her came at about midnight. She had spent the evening with the Inner Planet Senshi as a kind of guest of honor. At first, she was a bit suspicious, and watched for signs that the only reason she'd been invited here tonight was to tell all about what had been going on lately. She was a bit touched to find out she was wrong. While she was certain they would loved to have heard everything about what had happened in the last few days, not to mention the last four months, they did not push her or try to trick her into telling. Instead, they were genuinely happy to have her company, and did their best to include her in any games and discussions they had. At one point, it seemed as if Minako was trying to direct the conversation towards recent events, but the others quickly cut her off, and she looked embarrassed, almost as though she had violated not only comity but "orders."

Later, Ami Mizuno did get her alone for a few minutes. Hotaru expressed deep regret over the injury to her father, and the normally closed mouth Ami suddenly became very talkative. Her father had been working away at a landscape painting when the earthquake hit, and he was injured in a resultant landslide. From Ami's account, it sounded as if he was right in the middle of it, and lucky to be alive. It had taken time to reach him, and his arm had been pinned for several hours. The doctors were able to save it, but it was unclear whether there would be any lasting injury. For now though, he could not feel his arm at all. Ami had almost begged off coming to the sleepover, but she came because her mother wanted "to have a long talk- a _very_ long talk" with him. They also had a short discussion about Kuryakin, but only concerning what it was like to be his only student for such an extended period. Ami's parting comment was that it had never quite occurred to her how strange he was. Hotaru smiled, but Ami was content to leave it at that.

Eventually, Hotaru and Chibiusa separated from the group and went upstairs to have a long talk, and play card games. Hotaru wondered how Chibiusa had known to come here this evening. She explained that Usagi, who -she admitted grudgingly- can be pretty sharp when she wants to be, had learned that by writing things in a dairy, she was, in essence, sending "messages in a bottle" to her future self. Hotaru now understood. Whether or not the Inner Senshi were dying to hear about the past week, this was all about Hotaru "getting out more" and having some time with her _anam cara_. Still, so much her life had 'happened' in these last four months, and Chibiusa's eyes became wide and expectant, as she opened up about Setsuna and Kuryakin-sensei. She explained some of her foreboding and about why "Puu's date" felt like more than just a date. As they talked about it, Chibiusa admitted she was getting her first real lessons in "unintended consequences." More and more, she was realizing that by stealing Sailor Pluto's time key and coming back into the past, she had done something irrevocable. The future they had all been told of was now increasingly untenable. It was going to change. Even now, the thought of what she might see when she "went back" was accompanied by no small trepidation. And yet, the chance to see Hotaru again was more than enough to overcome that.

Sharp as both of them were, the discussion was getting a bit too heavy, and so they played games and just enjoyed each others company. Then Kuryakin called. It was 11:10 p.m. Hotaru knew how exhausted he was, and could sense he was struggling to maintain control of himself, but something had happened, and tonight Setsuna had done something that had taken the last of his heart from him. When Hotaru hung up, Chibiusa saw her eyes glaze over, and "pulled her back." A bit later, Usagi came up to check on them. Unable to carry their burden of worry too far into the deepening night, she and Chibiusa were leaning on each other and nodding off. Usagi covered them up, and left, and asked Luna, Artemis and Diana to check on them periodically. Diana said she was tired too, and she would go stay with them. She curled up in Chibiusa's lap and fell asleep as well. Then a few minutes after Christmas Eve passed into Christmas Day, Hotaru was suddenly startled awake the strange sense of a light bursting forth inside her head, and a voice told her, "Everything is fine. We can see you now. We see you _all_. You are not lost to us. Sleep, Littlest Senshi."

Hotaru fell back into sleep. Diana awoke, wondering what the noise was, but then decided she was just hearing things, and also went back to sleep.

When Hotaru woke up the next morning, she did not remember it, at first. Her mind was already racing through ways to 'salvage the situation.' When Kuryakin or Setsuna failed to show up or to call her, she was puzzled, but a strange calm came over her, despite which she called home. Setsuna should be there, and she wanted to talk to her anyway, but there was no answer. Usagi made it clear that she was perfectly welcome to stay here as long as she needed. The others had finally fallen asleep late in the night, and though they had bought small presents for each other, they were too tired in the morning to be in any hurry about opening them. Mamoru arrived to take Usagi out for a special morning together, and she invited Hotaru and the rest of the Senshi to stay there until she got back. Shingo, Usagi's brother, was at a friend's house and would be there most of the day, and Kenji-poppa had wrangled some time off, so he and Ikuko-momma went on a little holiday ski trip. Usagi haughtily told the unhappy, stay-at-home Chibiusa to be a good hostess, and asked Makoto to make breakfast for everyone. Makoto was only too happy to, though Rei had a few things to do at the shrine, and left saying she would be back in a few hours. Hotaru called the house a few more times that morning, and each time she failed to get a hold of someone, she came away puzzled, but also smiling hopefully.

'_Did something change after we talked last night?'_

Rei was back as promised, and they went ahead and exchanged gifts since Usagi wouldn't be back for some time. Hotaru made mention to everyone of what had been troubling her last night, as well as a few discreet allusions to what had been happening in her life the last few months. She also explained why she had been calling the house all morning. It was not Hotaru's intention to start anything, but a bit of speculation about what might have happened ensued.

Finally, in early afternoon, Hotaru was able to get someone at the house.

* * *

Haruka and Michiru had returned home from trip to a hot spring up north. Kuryakin's car was still there, but they could find no sign of him or Setsuna. Interestingly, his car was under a protective cover. They entered the house, calling for Setsuna. No one was there.

"They … must have gone somewhere," Haruka said with a little smile.

"But where?" asked Michiru, rhetorically. "His car … "

"Yeah."

The phone rang as they sat down their luggage. It was Hotaru. Michiru told her that something – they were not sure _what_- had happened. Then Haruka noticed an envelope labeled "Koneko-chan" on the kitchen table. While Michiru talked, she opened it. She grinned as a set of keys fell out with a little card attached that said,

"Merry Christmas, Tenoh-san. DON'T wreck it! And top off the tank before we get back."

There was also an envelope with the words "For Hotaru's eyes only" and a little note asking them to deliver the envelope to Hotaru, and to pick her up. Michiru told her they would be there in 45 minutes. Before leaving, they took their overnight bags upstairs, and noticed a few more things: a blanket strewn on the couch, Setsuna's bedroom door was open, and the bedroom was in … disarray, as was the bathroom. Also, Setsuna's walk-in closet was open, and her travel bags were gone. The letter would probably amplify the explanation, but Haruka and Michiru smiled a little, as they began to get the picture.

"Haruka, you don't suppose they did more than just …"

"Hmmm," said Haruka replied, "I guess we'll find out when we get to _Odango-atama's_ house."

"Michiru?" Haruka asked as they headed out the door and she looked again at the little note Kuryakin had left for her.

"Yes, Haruka?"

"Why does everyone think I don't know the difference between a public highway and a race track?"

Michiru shrugged, as Haruka pulled the cover off the car. They got in, she turned the key and the high-pitched, twelve-cylinder engine came to life. Haruka was a bit tempted to put the "E-gear" and acceleration launch control to use, but the snow, alas, the snow.

'_I've got to get this thing onto a speedway while they're gone.'_

* * *

At the Tsukinos, Usagi and Mamoru were back and the sense that something interesting had happened percolated through them all. Hotaru was brimming with anticipation by the time Haruka and Michiru arrived. Both of them entered the house with holiday greetings and mildly knowing expressions on their faces. Everyone quieted down, and stealthily gathered around, as Hotaru tore open the letter and quickly read it to herself. Then, hugging the letter to her breast, she beamed with joy.

"Hotaru-chan, what is it?" asked Chibiusa.

She just sat there, stunned for a whole minute on end, saying quietly "… he did it … she did it … they did it … _I_ did it …" over and over again.

"They've eloped?" Michiru ventured, with a serious yet wistful look on her face.

"What?!" Usagi shrieked excitedly, as the other girls gasped. "Setsuna-san … and that guy eloped?"

"No," said Hotaru, and everyone looked puzzled.

"You can't really elope … if you're already married, can you?" she said, her voice all choked up. "It doesn't say how exactly, but somehow they got married last night. They say they'll be back in two weeks. They're flying to the Caribbean. She's always wanted to go there. He knows someone that manages hotels all over the world and owes him a huge favor. First stop is Cancun, then Cozumel, and Roatan –never heard of that one. Wow. She's going to get to see something she's wanted to see all her life. And, in style too. Oh, there's a P.S." she said, looking at Ami, "If Miss Mizuno is still there, or you happen to see her soon, tell her I will try to get that job at K.O. University after all. I'm just about broke now, and I need the money. Setsuna is rather high maintenance."

Usagi was completely undone.

"This is so romantic," she said in quiet awe, collapsing into the seat next to Mamoru, and then leaning into him. "Setsuna! Of all people!"

"Exactly!" said Hotaru. She knew Usagi would 'get it.'

The other girls felt the romance of it, but also were clearly concerned about something. Though they knew only a little about her, this didn't seem like Setsuna at all.

"Well, I guess this makes us the crazy aunts in the attic, now?" Haruka joked quietly to Michiru. Mamoru heard this and chuckled, though he too had a look of concern on his face.

"Oh, don't be silly, Haruka-poppa. Everything's all right now," Hotaru said with deep and obvious relief.

"What do you mean?" asked Michiru.

"I finally saw what I was … repressing, I think is the word? At first, all I could feel was unease, and then over time, the sense of dread became horrible. It's what was causing me to blank out during tests. When I concentrated my hardest, I could almost grasp what I was seeing. The more I saw of it, the more I needed to see the rest. They were about her: about what could happen to her one day. It's okay now. She'll be fine."

"You're sure, Hotaru-chan?" asked Chibiusa.

"Yes, very sure."

"It is a little surprising that this happened so fast, though."

"Not really," interrupted Rei, looking thoughtful. "Setsuna-san was so self-controlled because underneath she feels deeply, too deeply for words, perhaps. I was thinking that when she asked me to check out that guy in my seeings. I got the feeling she was asking it for very personal reasons. One crack in that edifice and her heart would gush, I think. No, it's not that surprising really."

Hotaru smiled at the thought. Ami sensed there was something deeply personal for Hotaru in this as well, and hesitantly asked, "Hotaru-chan, why does this mean so much to you?"

"Ami-chan!" Usagi, Rei, Minako and Makoto said in unison.

"I'm sorry. I mean, of course it does, and it should, but …"

"I guess because … it gives me hope. Hope for us all, really, and for me too."

"Hope for us all?" asked Chibiusa.

"Yes. Hope for … a life. It seems to me," she said shyly, "that good things are to be enjoyed as well as defended. And that whatever the future was thought to be, we must live … now. I think she, who saw a great deal of all days, finally realized that. I so want to be like her. I don't mean getting married, necessarily, but think about it: she has the hardest duty of all, and yet she loved him the moment she met him …"

"Really?" asked Luna.

"Yes, but she couldn't accept that at first, and I didn't … quite understand why," she said, as she turned away from Mamoru, at whom she happened to be looking at that moment. "And then once she realized how he felt, I wondered if she would be able to reconcile duty and desire. I prayed that she could find the way through it that I could not see. So many years, all the solitude, the longing to fight along side you all, all those habits of thought she had to inculcate to get through it –all of that was in the way. That's how destiny and duty work. They're a rut you fall into and it gets deeper and deeper until destiny becomes tragedy. Even if the situation changes, it's all you know and that's what makes it feel inevitable. So much was working against this, that if such a magical thing can happen for her, it can happen for any of us. Now, when she comes back, she'll never be quite the same."

"That's a wonderful thought, Hotaru-chan," Usagi smiled, "and a beautiful hope. I hope that for all of us. Real and painful though it can be, we can live … really live …"

"… till out lives burn out," Hotaru said, finishing the very same thought. "Everyone, this is the happiest moment of my life. I've been hoping for this from the moment I realized what was happening. It took me a while to see what was really going on, but once I did, I knew this could happen. They're so perfect for each other, alike enough and different enough …"

"Hotaru-chan?" asked Ami, tentatively, "Kuryakin-san, he … knows about us, doesn't he?"

Hotaru looked uncomfortable for a moment and then she looked at Haruka and Michiru. They looked to each other, then Michiru looked back to Hotaru and nodded.

"Yes," she said.

"Was he with you, on that island, when you …?"

"Yes," Haruka said.

"What is he?"

Hotaru sighed, smiling. Though it was going to distract from her joy in this moment, she was obviously going to have to explain this. For the next hour, she, along with Haruka and Michiru, explained what had been happening to her since shortly after Chaos was driven out of Galaxia, how Hotaru was freezing up during school, how they had decided on Kuryakin for a private tutor, how much fun she had with him, the way she tried to bring him and Setsuna together, the little fact that he was from another galaxy, the battle with the Ravagers, and everything that had led to up to last night.

"Amazing," said Ami, when they were done. "No wonder he seemed so different, so impossibly knowledgeable. Even when I was going to his cram school, he seemed too good to be true at times. Now I understand why he said taking that job at K.O University would be problematic."

"Would it do to call him a Senshi?" asked Rei.

"He _is_ someone empowered by planetary guardians, or intelligences, as he calls them- to fight a powerful and supernatural enemy, but he told me he had concluded there were quite a few differences," said Hotaru, who thought it best not to reveal anything about his one major 'weakness.'

"However," said Michiru, "we all know only women can be Sailor Senshi."

"There's the odd case of the Sailor Starlights," said Ami.

"Yes, and now we also know that there are Senshi in every solar system," said Makoto. "Isn't it possible there could be differences?"

"How much more so," Ami continued, "since he's from another galaxy."

"But they're descended from earth humans, too," said Mamoru, his hand to his chin in a thoughtful pose. "That's the interesting thing."

"And he's a guy …" said Makoto, as she threw her head back and got that wistful "sempai" look.

"A ninety year old guy …" said Luna, reprovingly.

"Well," said Makoto, looking calculating and matter of fact, "as long as he looks young, and he's thoughtful …"

"… and kind, and smart …" said Ami.

"… and handsome, and fun loving …" said Minako.

"… and healthy, and noble …" said Rei.

"… who really cares?" they said in unison, except for Ami who merely nodded, then caught herself and turned red.

Haruka looked smugly at Michiru, stuck out her hand out, and said, "Pay up."

"You're sure the threat was ended?" asked Mamoru.

"I dunno. We think so," said Haruka. "As many of those Ravagers as were in that corridor, Sailor Saturn took out more of them in one blow than he had his entire life, or so he said. She probably advanced the cause of peace throughout that Galaxy by centuries."

"Why didn't you guys see it coming sooner?" asked Artemis.

"Because, as Mamoru noted, they're earth descendants, too," Michiru replied. "Apparently there is still enough of earth in them that they don't register as external threats. I've seen nothing in my mirror since, and it's supposed to work even better now. I think that threat is over, before it was begun really."

"The coming together of the two galaxies … what can that mean?" asked Ami, thoughtfully.

"That's three billion years from now. In a fraction of that time, things will be so different we cannot imagine them, and we will probably be long forgotten. This is the first whisper of that distant event. What it means right now is that someone we care about is happy," said Hotaru firmly. "Or at least, she has a good shot at it. And I brought them together. That's the happiest thing of all. For once, I awakened something."

"You awakened us when Elysian was attacked," said Michiru.

"I awakened you to your 'destiny'. I was going for something different, something better, here. What I do mainly is destroy. That's my destiny. But, this time, instead of destroying, I created, like Usagi does. Best of all, I didn't give up. I finished something long and difficult. It was like … a marathon. She resisted so much, but I kept nudging her, pushing her where she could never go for herself, and finally … _I_ created something wonderful for one I have always loved, and another I've come to love so much."

"I wonder how this will change things?' said Usagi, looking hopefully at Mamoru.

"Yes, we'll have to look into that," said Artemis.

"One good thing I can think of," Ami said. "He really is a good tutor, Usagi."

"Oh?" Luna, Artemis and Mamoru all looked thoughtful upon hearing that, but Usagi's expression suddenly drooped. Tough lessons with a determined, intimidating and hopelessly overqualified tutor were not a pleasant thought just now. _'Onegai, teacher!'_ Maybe this wasn't such a great thing after all.

Chibiusa snickered at Usagi's obvious discomfiture, and then looked to Hotaru and smiled. "I wish I could see her right now."

"Don't worry, Chibiusa-chan," said Hotaru. "She still loves you most of all. Oh, by the way, the letter says when they get back they'll have a proper ceremony and you and I can be in it and all that. I wonder where they are right now. I don't suppose they've gotten there yet. I doubt they're in any hurry, though. Or maybe they are …"

She blushed. Haruka looked like she was about to say something, but Michiru elbowed her.

"I hope they'll be happy," said Chibiusa.

"Me too," said Hotaru. "I hope I haven't done something bad. Kuryakin-sensei talks a great deal about unintended consequences. But how can this be bad?"

"Everything will be fine," said Usagi, reassuringly.

"And when they get there," Hotaru said, "I think of how pretty she'll look in that tropical sun, walking on the beaches in the morning like Eve when the world was new, swimming in those blue waters with her hair spread out around her like a lily pad, and her face, turned up to the sun, like the flower in the center … and in the tropical evening, _(said in English)_ _she'll walk in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that's best of dark and bright meet in her aspect and her eyes_ … she will glow, and everyone around her will see how special and wonderful she is … By Neo-Queen Serenity's permission, she has passed from our hands, into the hands of another, for we could give her purpose and meaning, but we could not give her wholeness. Now she will find her life in the eyes of the one who can adore her all his days, and he shall find in her his heart's only desire."

"Hmmm, Hotaru-chan, you should write songs," said Rei, as the Inner Senshi were caught up in the Littlest Soldier's reverie.

"It is wonderful, Hotaru-chan," said Usagi. "Whatever happens, … well, the world, and the future, will just have to adjust."

"I suppose," Luna had started to say when …

_Bam! _

The front door opened loudly, and a voice said, "Usagi? I'm home," as her brother, Shingo, came bounding through it.

"Wow, you guys should see that awesome car out … oh, uh, hi … everyone," he said, sheepishly. He figured Usagi's friends would still be here, but he was surprised to see the house this full of people. They all waved or otherwise acknowledged him. He knew them, except for one girl. A look of surprise spread over his face. He didn't know her name, but they had met once before.

"You …" he was barely able to get out. Chibiusa introduced him to Hotaru, and Shingo Tsukino found himself staring goofily into the violet eyes of the girl who had healed his broken collarbone at the hospital.

Haruka whispered to Michiru, "The future might have to put in some overtime adjusting."

* * *

**The End **

**(for now)**


End file.

Sailor Moon, Adventure, Romance