Glee 1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Kurt and Blaine are really good at keeping their personal life private. But they can't keep it hidden from the cat. Join Porcelain as she reveals the ups, downs, and adventures of Klaine. **

**Rated: T **

**Note: A while ago I wrote a fic called "The Broken Road" in which Kurt and Blaine had just been married and moved in together with their "charming" kitten, Porcelain. Some of you asked to see more of her, so here you go! Easily read separate, of course! These chapters probably won't connect too much, mostly just random moments. Enjoy!**

**P.S. This cat is not one of those "I are cute" or "I can haz cheezburger?" cats. This cat is intelligent. She knows proper English...at least in her head.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>One box. Two boxes. Three boxes. This was just too easy!<p>

The pretty human yelled at me again and I walked daintily out of the room, my body wobbling in the air. Truthfully, I can't really help that part. I am a Scottish Fold, and we tend to have lots of junk in the trunk. But Kurt misinterpreted my butt-wobbling (or maybe it was just my general attitude) because he muttered "Sassy little bitch" as I had just barely turned the corner.

Kurt and I have a love/hate relationship. I love him very much when he's feeling cuddly because he lets me sit on his lap and pets me. But he isn't always like that. Mostly, he just gets mad at me for knocking stuff over. I don't see why he would, though. Why would you put stuff on such high counters if you didn't want it knocked over? Isn't that the _point _of high places?

Maybe I should back up a bit.

My name is Porcelain and I am five months old. The curly human, Blaine, rescued me from a pet store two weeks ago and brought me to live with him and his mate. Of course, at that time they were living in a tiny apartment. I spent a solid week rubbing my scent over everything, only to be alarmed by the increasing number of boxes and decreasing number of stuff to knock off shelves. The humans looked like they were moving, and I thought they would take me back to the pet store.

I hated it there. Everyone stared at me all day and tried to get me to do tricks, then just walked away. I was devastated to think that after only one week these two men were going to give me back. Was it something I did?

So, I did what any sane cat would do: I peed _everywhere_. And that was when Kurt started getting mad at me. Which is weird, because I was actually a gift for _him_. Sure, Blaine named me, but technically I was supposed to be Kurt's fuzzy little ball of love, right?

But a few days later Kurt set me in his lap and explained to me that we were moving and I was coming with them, and he told me not to worry because he would never give me back. And so I stopped peeing everywhere, and Kurt started giving me fancy food again.

And now we were in the new house. It was much bigger and would take me much longer to rub my scent all over, but we had plenty of time. It was only the first night in the house, and I was having fun knocking over half-empty boxes and playing in them.

I went to check on the humans to see if the pretty one was still mad at me. I walked into their bedroom and stood in the corner, observing their bonding routine.

It seemed like a lot of work, and _way _to slow. Kurt was leaning over a book of sorts while Blaine sat behind him, arms wrapped around his waist. Blaine's curls were everywhere because he just woke up, but he was pressing his lips to Kurt's neck every few seconds.

Maybe he was cleaning him.

But my humans were happy together, and I was happy for them. I had no doubt that I'd be seeing some pretty interesting things over the years, and I was excited to start my new life with my happy, beautiful, loving humans.

And, just because I was feeling a bit neglected, I decided to pee in the corner.

They didn't even notice.

* * *

><p><em>Edit: I will not post another chapter until I have at least five reviews. As much as I appreciate all the story faves and alerts, I'd really prefer if you took one minute out of your day to actually tell me in words what you thought of this.<em>**  
><strong>

**Hmm, not sure how I feel about this. I couldn't decide between past tense or present tense, and present tense kept popping up while I was writing, so I might just make the following chapters that way instead. It's weird for me, but seems more natural for this fic than past. Anyway, I really hope you'll stick with this! It will get very interesting ;)**

**STORY UPDATES (If you're reading any of my other chapter fics):**

**Side Effects ch. 5 is halfway done and should be up this weekend!  
>Perfect &amp; Traitor In Our Midst are on hiatus until I can decide where I want to go with them.<br>Mary Sues and Gary Stus is CANCELLED because, naturally, the people who actually needed it wouldn't bother reading anyways.  
><strong>

**Thanks for reading, and I'm SO SORRRRRYYY that I suck at updating :/  
><strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**As promised, Five reviews got you the next chapter. Hope you like!**

* * *

><p>My Kurtie was up very early this morning, earlier than usual. He pet me quickly, still a little mad about the pee puddle he found in the corner, and locked himself in the bathroom for a while. When he came out a swarm of pretty-smelling fog floated out of the open door. I went to go investigate. It was my job as protector of the house to discover and destroy the fog monster.<p>

The bathroom was very hot. I didn't want to stay but I had to find the cause of the fog. I jumped onto the edge of the toilet to get a better view of the bathroom.

It was a really big room (to me) and the tiles were beige and pale pink. A large mirror caught my attention but I couldn't be distracted by my obscure clone. I perched on the edge of the toilet, ready to leap across to the counter, when a loud voice startled me.

"No way in hell am I eating grapefruit for breakfast!"

The shock made me tip backwards, and the next thing I knew, I was soaking wet. And trapped.

"Oh my God, what are you doing?" A pair of hands lifted me out of the offending toilet and wrapped me up loosely in a towel. Blaine's sleepy face held annoyance (presumably at the idea of eating grapefruit for breakfast), worry, and amusement.

Glad to know _someone _thought this was funny.

"Kurt, Porcelain fell into the toilet. Can you wipe her off while I shower?"

"I'd love to, but I'm too busy making my lovely husband artery-clogging, greasy breakfast!" Kurt called back. Blaine rolled his eyes and plopped himself down on the floor, me still in his lap. He grabbed the edge of the towel and rubbed it over my fur.

"Lemme tell you, I love that man to death, but _damn _he can be such a diva sometimes..." He started pushing the white towel over my ears and I swatted at him. Didn't this human realize that my kind cleaned themselves? "I know he wants me to eat healthy so that I don't have a heart attack someday, and I don't want to tell him that'll never happen...cuz, hey, it happened to his father, didn't it?"

I tried to take a snap at his fingers but my size prevented me from doing much damage; Blaine held me still as he dried my paws off.

"I know it's out of love, which is why I don't put up a fight." I huffed out a deep breath and Blaine laughed, a heavy sound deep in his chest. "Okay, _much_. But still, does he really expect me to go without _bacon_? That's like if he said we weren't allowed to have sex anymore..."

The towel was loose enough that I was able to jump out quickly when he was switching hands. I made a mad dash for the kitchen table and hid behind the many beams of protection.

"Porcelain! Fine, be a dirty toilet kitten!" The bathroom door slammed and the shower turned on a few seconds later.

I peaked out from a beam to see my pretty human laughing quietly to himself before leaning over to place a dish of soft food in front of the table. When I walked out a towel was thrown over my head and I was being scooped into Kurt's arms.

_Damn_. He knew my weakness.

* * *

><p><strong>For reasons unknown to me, ffnet stopped emailing me about any alerts of mine. I checked my settings on both ffnet and yahoo and nothing's changed, it just started being an asshat. At this point, the <em>only <em>way I'll know if you like this is if you _tell_ me, so please do. I appreciate your reviews for the last chapter, and please keep them coming. I'll post the next update when I get a few more reviews!  
><strong>


End file.

Glee, Humor, Romance