Star Wars 1. The command:prolouge

OK so here is my first fic, I hope you like it, and you should know, the characters (Especially Vader) will be OOC at times.

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It had been a quiet day on the Star Destroyer, no rebels to attack, the officers sat and relaxed and stared out the windows into the endless void known as the galaxy, while others paced around the cold steel floor. It seemed like a day of peace.

"WHAT?" A voiced boomed throughout the command deck.

Well, almost quiet.

Back in the throne room, a fuming Dark Lord of the Sith, namely Darth Vader, was listening to his master's words of wisdom.

"BUT I DON'T NEED AN APPRENTICE!" Vader yelled through his mask

"If we are to bring back the sith you need to train an apprentice." An old cloaked man, known as Darth Sidious retorted.

"But Master! I'm an excellent Sith Lord! I even beat Darth Maul to prove myself! I don't need an apprentice." Vader yelled, his gloved, mechanical hands grasping his black helmet.

"Perhaps you are not evil enough, maybe that is your problem." Sidious grinned through his hood; oh he was going to have fun with this.

"Not evil ENOUGH?" The cyborg sith shrieked, "I've killed an old man in a brutal fashion, killed tons of jedi, killed my WIFE, killed my mentor, and cut off my son's hand! What more do I need to do? Blow up a planet? Oh wait I've already done that!" Vader said, listing off the deeds with his mechanical fingers.

"Our main goal is to repopulate the sith!" Sidious said sternly, desperately trying to hold back the laughter.

"But apprentices cry and nag, and this and that!" Vader replied, desperately trying to find a reason to change his master's mind.

"And you didn't?"

"…."

"You are getting an apprentice and that is final!" Sidious commanded.

A painful silence fell over the darkened room.

"It…..will be done, my master." Vader said, his voice cracking.

Vader left the throne room in a fit of rage. As he went to the command deck, a stormtrooper walked up to him.

"Sir the apprentice is here." The Stormtrooper saluted.

"Very well." Vader said.

**OK so here's the summary about the Darth Maul and not evil enough thing**

**Anyone who has seen the Star Wars movies have heard the rumor that Darth Maul comes back, those rumors are true. Darth Maul is resurrected and still wants to be Sidious' apprentice, so he challenges Darth Vader for the position, and of course Darth Vader wins.**

**As for the evil deeds, the things he listed were: The death of Count Dooku, the Jedi Massacre, killing Padme by accident, killing Obi-Wan in a New Hope, and cutting off Luke's hand in The Empire Strikes Back, and blowing up Alderan (sp?) in A New Hope.**

**Hope this clears things up, so review **


	2. The Apprentice

**Hmm no reviews, oh well so long as you guys read it I'm fine, anyways I continue with the Darth Vader torture!**

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In the shuttle room, Darth Vader walked through the battalions of Stormtroopers, brooding about the idea of an apprentice.

With a hiss the platform of the shuttle lowered, and a figure in a black cloak stepped out, he seemed no older than 18, he greeted Vader with a bow.

"Come with me, the Emperor wants to see you." Vader said with a grimace.

The robed figure and Vader walked through the command center, their footsteps being heard throughout the deck, the finally arrived at the throne room, when a sliding noise the door flew up, the two stepped into the darkened room where Sidious waited in his chair.

"Ahhh Darth Xiros, you have arrived at last." Sidious croaked.

"Xiros," Vader said, "That name reminds of—"

"Xizor?" Sidious cut him off. "I know! I thought the same thing!" Sidious grinned.

A silence loomed for a few moments before Sidious spoke up again.

"Darth Vader, this is your new apprentice." Sidious introduced.

"Hey." Xiros greeted

"You will learn well under my command." Vader assured, though in his mind, thoughts of a gruesome death, with Xiros on the receiving end flew by.

"Darth Vader, you must teach Darth Xiros the way of the sith." Sidious ordered.

"Yes, my master." Vader replied.

When Vader and Xiros were out of the throne room and out of Sidious' presence, Vader spoke up.

"We will first practice your saber skills." Vader commanded.

In a training room, Darth Vader handed Xiros a small handle.

"What's this?" Xiros asked.

Darth Vader's jaw dropped on the inside, this person, who he was supposed to train into a Sith Lord didn't know what a lightsaber was? This was going to be hell for poor Vader.

"A lightsaber, that is the standard weapon of a sith, press that button to ignite it." Vader commanded.

Xiros obeyed and a glowing red light emitted from the handle.

"Very good, now wear this." Darth said handing Xiros a blindfold

Xiros looked at the blindfold for a second and put it on, blinding him.

"Wouldn't it be better if I could see?" Xiros asked, confused.

"No."

"Ok……"

"Send in the probe, we're ready!" Vader ordered the staff.

The probe flew out and zipped by, until it decided to fire, it shot a yellow blast; Xiros raised his saber and deflected the blaster shot back at the probe, destroying it.

'Not bad, maybe this won't be so horrible after all." Vader thought, impressed.

Xiros however, failing to realize he destroyed it, continued to madly swing his saber, unknowingly heading for Vader.

"Xiros you destroyed the probe, put away your saber!" Vader panicked, dodging every swing from Xiros.

"Xiros! You already got it you—AGH!"

Vader fell over, his left leg missing as sparks flew out of the stump.

Xiros took off the blindfold and looked at his master.

"Oh my god! Master I am so sorry! Oh crap, crap crap crap, help! I just cut off Vader's leg!" Xiros panicked

"It's ok Xiros, its ok."

"It's not OK I just cut off your leg, I am so fired!"

"Xiros! It's mechanical! It can be fixed!" Vader said, trying to calm Xiros down.

"Wait its mechanical?" Xiros asked, Vader's statement sinking in.

"Yes, it can be fixed, now calm down, and drag me to the mechanic." Vader sighed.

"Yes Master." Xiros said relieved, he picked up Vader and put Vader's arm around his shoulder and began to carry him away, when he forgot the leg, "What about your leg?"

"Its fine now let's goes." Vader retorted, getting annoyed.

"So how'd I do?" Xiros asked.

"Other than hacking my leg, you did well." Vader said.

In the infirmary, Darth Vader lay on a table as the medical droid attached a new mechanical leg to Vader's stump. The Sith Lord was just happy the day was over.

Forget having an easy time, this was going to be complete and total hell for Darth Vader.

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**Well that's the second chapter, and I'm not through with Darth Vader yet, ohhh no, I'm having too much fun with this.**


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Star Wars, Humor