Sailor Moon 1. The choses one

The Funniest Story On Earth  
Chapter one | The chosen one  
  
  
With her right index finger, Serena dumbfoundedly tapped on the keys of Dariens computer. "What the hell is this thing?" Serena blinked at it stupidly. "It's called a computer, Serena." Darien walked in the living room with two root- beers.(is that how you spell it?) Suddenly Serena punches the self detonating key on his computer. "This computer will self destruct in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0" the computer said as a very VERY loud 'kaboom!' commenced in their faces. "A self destruct button on a computer. Who thought that up?" Darien said blankly. Serena just sat their eyes as big as saucers. "Darien. I have something to tell you." "What is it?" "I hate you and I want to break up with you and I broke your computer." "BUT WHY, SERENA?!!? WHY??" Darien said as he collapsed to his knees. "I told you I hated you." "What? No! I meant why did you destroy my computer?! For the love of Pete, why?!" Darien asked her as if he was in a Shakespeare play. "It was just there and I felt destructive, fore I am really a computer genius and I purposely pushed the destroyer button." Serena explained as she calmly walked out the door. "Goodbye Darien. I am going to go guy hunting." she slammed the door.  
"Mars fire flash!" Sailor Mars screamed at a pink flying flip-flop that was charging at her. "I swear these things are alive!" Sailor Venus exclaimed. "Hello girls."Serena said to the scouts just before she got knocked out with a flip-flop. She fell on her butt. "OWIEEE!!" she whined rubbing her sore butt cheek. "MOON SUPER COSMIC POWER!!" she yelled as she held her brooch up in the air. It didn't work. "God damn it!! Why won't you work.!?" Serena hollered at it, clearly pissed. She slapped it a couple of times. "Work!" she ordered it as if it where alive. "MOON SUPER COSMIC POWER!!" It worked this time. Stupidly, she danced around like a imbisile as her uniform ribbon wrapped itself around her. "Thank you!" she told it. "Serena is so retarded." Sailor Chibi Moon whisped to herself. "Chibi Moon? What are you doning here? I broke up with Darien." Super Sailor Moon screeched. "WHAT?!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Chibi Moon screamed so hard she exploded into smitherines. "The brat is gone!!" Cheered Super Sailor Moon. Suddenly she was hit again with another flip-flop. "DAMN FLIP-FLOPS!!" She bellowed as she plopped down on her butt. "THESE THINGS HAVE GOT TOGO!!" she screamed frustrated. "IMPERIUM CRYSTAL SHOCKER!!" she yelled at the pink flip-flops. They all fell to the floor. "Who was controlling those?" "I was, you retards!" They all turned around. "VEGETA!!?!!" they said suprised. "HA HA HA!!" he laughed evily with a 'Dr. Evil' pinky thing by his evil smile. Then he pulled a cat out of his pocket. "Mr. Pooky and I shall rule the world!" he said stroking his cat. "But first, to claim my queen." He scanned the premisis quietly. "Ah ha!" He had found the girl. "You" he mouthed, pointing a finger at the chosen one. "You're the one..." he whispered  
T. B. C. (to be continued) 


	2. Chaos

The Funniest Story on Earth  
Chapter two | Chaos  
  
Every ones head turned to where the evil one's finger was pointing to. Sailor Moon gasped. "My god! MARS!!" They all shouted. "GrrrrrAHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Mars. "No. No. NO!" She yelled at Vegeta. "But yes. You are going to be my queen and that's final!" he barked. He grabed her by the waist and flew off. "Poor Rei..." Serena sighed as she went back to her normal state. "Did we miss anything?" said a voice coming from the bushes. "Michiru! Haruka! Setsuna! Where have yall been?" Amy asked, suprized. "Oh, everywhere." Michiru replied. "Anyways, did we miss anything?" Michiru asked again. "Only the funniest thin EVER!" Sailor Venus exclaimed. "Oh realy? What happened?" Setsuna asked. "Rei was chosen to be this evil dude with a cat named Mr. Pooky to be his queen." Lita said simply. "Yer right! That is funny!" Haruka laughed hystarically. "The funniest part is, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE TO FIND HER!!!" Mina erupted, almost nocking Amy out as she swung her arm around. Amy doged just in time. But because she was almost hit, Amy went mad with rage.   
  
"MINA!! WATCH OUT WHERE YOU SWING YOUR ARM MOTHER FUCKER!! GOD DAMN!! DON'T TALK WITH YOUR HANDS!! YOU COULD HAVE POKED MY EYE OUT!!! GOD!" Amy was so frustrated, she burbed so loud she went schizophrenic. She quickly pulled out a desk lamp and savagely beat her head with it. Every one just stared at her. "Look at her go!" Serena said pointing and laughing. "She's gone nuts!" Lita gawked in awe. "Cheese and rice! She didn't have to go balistic because I almost hit her in the face. I mean it wasn't like I was gonna hurt anything!" Mina said backing away from the crazed woman. Every one turned around and left for there homes except for Serena. "I wanna go to the McDonalds play area." and so, she goes.   
  
When she got there, she imedatly went to the ball pit thingy. "WEEEEEEEEEE!!" she screamed as she dived into the sea of plastic balls. Just after she came up from her dive, she senced a presants. "Who's out there." There was no response. "Ahhhhhhhhh!!" something screamed as it attacked Serena. "Assistance please!!" She screamed for help. No one came. She opened her eyes and to her suprize (to mine too) it was a computer that attacked her. "Why did you destroy my brother!?" the computer questioned Serena. "Did you even like your brother" The computer pondered the question for a couple of seconds. "I guess not. No. As a matter of fact, I hated him! Ok, you're free!" the computer said as it walked off. Serena just stared. "Whoa. I watch too many cartoons." she said to her self outloud. She decided to go home finaly and got out of the ball pit. "I have got to cut back on those cartoons!" Then she felt a hand run across her mouth and clasp onto her face, and she also felt an arm wrap its self around her waist and pick her up. She tried to scream but she was too shocked and nothing came out. Then she heard the soft whisper of a man say in her ear, "I've got you now. . ."  
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Do ya like it? Is it funny? Did I bore you? Please review!! Updates soon!! 


	3. Rei's confession

The funniest story on Earth

Chapter three | Rei's confession

  
  


"No! DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Rei ordered Vegeta. He paid no attention and resumed wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "What is your name woman?" he asked her as he looked for somebody to marry them against their will. "Gertrude" Rei lied. "*Gurtrude*...?" he said, bewildered. "Who would name there child *Gurtrude*?" "My mom maybe...?" Vegeta gave her a very odd look and continued his search. "Ah ha! Found one." he said aloud, just before he sneezed. "Our wedding is gonna be on every channel in the world!" Rei, oops, Gurtrude* almost fell out of the chair. WHAT!! NO! I WON'T HAVE IT! I WON'T!" she erupted almost making Vegeta go deaf. "WE'RE GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW!!" he hollered at her. He grabbed her arm and flew off to the church. "Marry us now! I want to rule." he barked at the priest. 

  
  


"Look! Rei's on TV with that Vegeta guy! Lets go save her!" Mina suddenly yelled, scaring every one there. "God Mina, tell the world!" Setsuna said, annoyed. "I wonder where Serena is. . ." Haruka wondered sitting in the appartment couch. Just then, Serena walked through the door. Every one's head turned. "What happened, Serena!?" Michiru asked her. " Was attacked by the brother of Dariens computer, then I was almost mollested by this guy." "What do you mean, *almost*?" Lita wanted to know. "I looked at a tree and had an idea. I thought if he thought I was a crazy person he wouldn't molest me. So I broke free from his grasp and started running into the tree while singing 'Yankee Doodle' continuously. It was like, 'Yankee Doodle-boosh!- went to town-boosh! riding on a-boosh! pony-boosh!'" Serena explained. "Yep, that's out future queen." Mina said blankly.

  
  


By now the scouts where there at the church. "You can't love me, Vegeta! AND I CERTAINLY CAN'T LOVE YOU!!" Rei yelled in front of every one. "AND WHY NOT??" Vegeta hollered back. Rei pondered if she should tell the worled. should I tell the world? ... If it'll get him to leave me alone, then I'll tell the world! "Because I'm a lesbian!!" Every one gasped. Then Sailor Uranus turns to Neptune. "I don't love you. I have secretly loved Rei. Goodbye." Uranus broke Neptunes heart. "Rei!! I LOVE YOU!" Uranus yelled to Rei as she unmorphed. Rei's eyes widened then almost instantly filled with tears. "And I love you!!" she answered with her arms wide open to her. The others didn't know what to think. They where happy that they had found true love but, ewww. They just didn't know what hit them. Every one's gone nuts. Then, Jupiter says something, drounded out by Rei and Haruka'a loud love making. "What was that? I can't hear you over the two love birds and Neptunes bawling!" Sailor Moon shouted. "I said I wanna be Gothic!" Jupiter replied. Venus just gave her a you-are-so-totally-weird look and said "okay..." then turned to Serena. "Wanna join in the weirdness and go les too?" "Why not." Serena said as she unmorphed. "Wait. Do you heat it?" Lita asked. "Hear what?" Mina said also unmorphing. "It sounds like the hovoring of-" Lita trailed off. "Of what?" Serena demanded. "Flying purple marshmallow monkeys." Lita said, eyes as big as saucers.

  
  


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Ok! That's cappy three! Do you like it? Do you wanna know what 'flying purple marshmallow monkeys' are? Find out in chapter 4! Updates soon!!


	4. A doughnut, a plumber, and the power of ...

The Funniest Story on Earth  
Chapter 4| A doughnut, a plumber, and the power of cheese  
  
  
"Lita, are you crazy or somethin'?" Mina inquired looking around seeing no flying purple marshmallow monkeys. "THEY'RE REAL MINA!! DO NOT QUESTION YOUR FELLOW SCOUT!" Naoko Takeuchi, the creator of Sailor Moon, bellowed at Mina. Mina was utterly bewildered. "Uh." was all she could say. "Oh goody! Mum's here!" Serena said, referring to Naoko. "Serena, she is not your mom." said the ghost of Rini. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU FATHER FUCKIN BITCH ASS WHORE MOTHER FUCKER!!!" Serena shouted to her former daughter. "Fine. Be that way! See if I give you this chocolate now!" "Rini, dear, you're my most favoritest person in the whole wide world!" Serena said with a hopeful face. "Ok." Rini bought it. She tossed her the chocolate. Serena ate it in one bite. "Pig." Lita as she was undressing in the middle of the church to put on her black dress and shoes, while they where still on the tube. (the tube is the TV for the less smart ppl). "LITA!!!" Mina basically screeched. "I told you I wanted to go gothic!!" "Oh my god." Rei said as she and Haruka walked over there. "So yall are finally done?" Serena inquired as she was looking in the TV camera. "HI MOM!!" They all just kinda stared at her.   
  
"Um. Excuse me." said a voice from behind. "Um... Serena,...COME HERE!!!" Mina called for her. "Why?" "Are you hungry?" "Well, of course!!" "Come and get it!!" Serena turned around to see a 550 doughnut staring at her. It's chocolatey evilness to your tooth had taken a toll on Serena. Immediately, she was on the monster doughnut faster than a pack o' dogs on a three legged cat. "Where've ya been all my life??" Serena asked the killer doughnut. Just she was about to take a bite of the chocolate evilness, a deep, voice that only could be made by an enormouse man said, "WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DOUGHNUT??!!??" They all turned around agian to see a 9,000 pound plumber lookin at Serena. Serena didn't wanna give up the doughnut so she ripped off her her clothes and started humpin' it. "Serena, do you realize that's a doughnut you're havin sex with?" Haruka questioned her. "SO!! IT'S MY DOUGHNUT NOW!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Serena went crazy over the doughnut. "Preist, marry me and my doughnut NOW!" "Uhhh...okay."   
  
"Will you walk me down the aisle?" Serena asked the plumber. "Okay." the plumber agreed. 'Dun dun dundun! Dun dun dundun!' the music played. Vegeta was totally oblivious to what was going on. Because after Rei told the world she was a lesbian, he went in search of a TV. He had found one near by and pulled out a PS2 out of his cats fur. "Good storage place." he had said when he pluged it all up and started to play Kingdom Hearts. (is that for the PS2?) But anyway, Serena walked down the aisle with the plumber, arm in arm. By the way, she was still in the nude. Finally, they got to the end of the aisle. The preist went through the usual stuff, "...to have and to hold, for better or worse..." "Do you, Doughnut, take Serena Tsukino to be your wife?" Just then, Jeprody music started playing. Doo doo doo do doo doo dooo...ect. "Yes" the doughnut said as it turned to look at Serena. " I DO!" Serena said before he could ask the question. "You are now, Doughnut and Wife. You may eat the groom." OWMMM!! Serena started to munch on the doughnut till she couldn't stand it. She ate the rest of it whole. "Well, lets go girls!" Serena said. Mina was so stunned that Serena just got hitched to a doughnut, she produced cheese. She felt the need to take a shit, she she just took a crap there. The cheese she produced passed through her ass onto Michiru's lap. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Michiru grabed the cheese and ate it. She felt a funny feeling run through her. "Ooooooh!" she moaned 'cause of the immense pain that swept through her. Then, there was a big ol' bang! Michiru was now a male hermaphrodite. Almost immediatly, she became less intelegent. (no offense to the guys who read this). "Hey sexy!" The new male Michiru hit on Vegeta. "Hey ugly!" he replied. "Don't mess with me when I'ma playin' my PS2!!!" he informed male Michiru. "You're just so hurtfull!!!" She said as she stomped outta the room crying. Vegeta resumed his game. "Bitch..." Vegeta said under his breath. "Mina heard the foul word and it seemed to trigger something inside of her. She went into a shittin' fit and crapped cheese out every where. Serena was still hungry so she opened her huge mouth and ate every last cheese ball fired outta Mina'ass.  
  
"Hey, Lita, whatever happened to those flying purple marshmallow monkeys?" Mina asked between every other shit. "I could've swore I heard them! I guess not. Oh well." Lita said hanging her head. "They will come in time, Lita." Naoko said to comfort her. "Okay! Everybody, let's go home!" "Okay!" Everyone there said as they all walked out the double doors arm in arm. As Lita was walkin up to her front door, she slipped on an ice cube and died  
  
  
  
*FIN*  
  
  
Okay, what did ya think? Should I write another SM story just as bizarre? Tell me!! =} L8ER!! 


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Sailor Moon, Humor