Chrono Trigger Kya Me Ha Me Ha

Kya Me Ha Me Ha  
  
Disclaimer: No Chrono Trigger in thine possession. Squaresoft it be real owner. I no own Dragon Ball series either. I make pitiful attempt at poking fun at them. Understand? Good. Now, lets talk for three hours about power levels.  
  
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Crono is lazily sprawled upon a field near Lucca's house. He is enjoying himself a lot as he lets the sun's rays beam down on his body. It's warm, comfy, and safe; or so he thinks. From out of nowhere a magnificently loud cackle rings through the air.  
  
"KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
Crono jumped about a hundred miles into the air before hitting the fourth wall and coming straight back down, in a very comet-like way, with a reverberating thud.  
  
"Thank god for cartoon physics," he groaned.  
  
And thanking a great deity is not a bad idea to do when you have the ability to fall from the stratosphere without sustaining any physical damage whatsoever. *breathe* And so Crono got up to find out what had so rudely interrupted his blissful state. He looked about but couldn't find a thing, 'cept maybe a bunch of grass and two rabbits having sex, or they could've been two rocks shaped like two rabbits having sex, they were too far off to tell, not that the author is insanely insane about sex, that's just sick, I mean, it's like a run-on sentence, it just shouldn't be. *faint*  
  
After the author fainted from talking too long without breathing Crono thought it best to go find Lucca and see if she had any idea about the aforementioned noise. He headed up to his best friends house with a broad smile upon his face. Surely, Lucca would know what just happened. Suddenly, a huge explosion blasts out from one of Lucca's house's windows. Crono is thrown back hard, creating a small crater where he lands.  
  
"Oi! Now what!?" the bewildered and obviously scared boy spoke as he tried to hide the fact he had just wet himself.  
  
He quickly wedged his butt out of the Crono sized hole and trudged, as in limping, up to Lucca's door. He knocked and was greeted by Lara who seemed very happy despite the many pipes and pieces of wood now sticking out of the ceiling. He could also see Taban clicking away at one of those stylish apple laptops.  
  
"OK. . . so, maybe we'll open up a much larger margin of error next time."  
  
Crono smiling faintly walked in after asking Lucca's location and was directed, by Lara, to a door on the second floor. It is also relevant to say that the door he had been pointed to had it's door bent on one hinge and thick black smoke was piling out in droves. Crono raced up, knowing it was Lucca's room, hoping she was not hurt and cursing under his breathe how unloving her parents were to not at least check on her. Just as Crono was about to enter the room Lucca came rushing out coughing furiously.  
  
"Lucca!" Crono yelled.  
  
"Oh! Crono! What are you doing here!?"  
  
"I came to see if you were alright. I heard an explosion loud enough to bring even Lavos back from the dead!"  
  
"Oh, sorry about that. I was experimenting with some. . . stuff. I thought it worked at first and so I did my trademark laugh."  
  
"Oh, that's what that evil cackling sound was."  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"Oh, uh, nothing! I didn't say anything about you having a horrible voice! No, sir! Not I, said the fox!"  
  
Lucca looked at him dubiously, but cheered up instantly. She knew that Crono was an idiot when it came to girls, but, hey, aren't all men that way? So, letting Crono's silly apology slide she proceeded to notice her outfit was cut-up and covered in smut - um - soot, yay.  
  
"Oh dear, it appears my pants and shirt have ripped and in the most sexual ways possible. I mean, look, Crono, you can see my cleavage." Lucca proceeded to stand in a very suggestive way as her cloths barely hung to her body.  
  
Crono looked alright and instantly got a bloody nose. Meanwhile, the author picked up a shotgun and blasted the damn cliché. Crono and Lucca stared with large round eyes as a small creature stammered out between them and fell over dead.  
  
"Um, well, yay. I better go change."  
  
Lucca ran back into the still smoking room and later returned in a fresh new outfit, the same she always wore. Crono's suspicions were also correct in thinking she had identical versions of the same outfit. Hell, he had identical versions of the same outfit, as well as everyone else in the world. But he figured it best to make sure.  
  
"OK, why don't we go out and find an adventure while the smoke clears?"  
  
"But, your house. . ." Crono trailed.  
  
"What about it?" Lucca asked.  
  
"What if it burns down?"  
  
"Oh, mom'll just build a new one."  
  
"You're mom? But, you and your dad build stuff. Why don't you do it?"  
  
"Dammit, Crono! I'm an inventor, not a carpenter!"  
  
Crono shrunk at the statement and with a squeak agreed to Lucca's plan.  
  
"Alright! Let's go!" Lucca performed her trademark victory pose as her theme song played in the background.  
  
"Must you do that?" Crono asked.  
  
"Uh-huh!" Lucca answered in a charmingly out-of-character giggle.  
  
"Let's just go."  
  
"Yay! Can I be in front this time?"  
  
"Sure, whatever."  
  
With Lucca leading the way Crono suddenly realized that the story was slowly changing to her perspective. Lucca felt cheery. It felt nice to lead the "party" every now and then. Lucca strode down the stairs and was about to leave her home with her spiky-haired friend when Crono jumped in front of her.  
  
"Hey! What are you doing!?"  
  
"I can't stand it! I'm the main character! The story should go by my perspective!"  
  
"Ah, geez. Give a rest! I want to lead this time!"  
  
"Nuuuuu! It's my game! I wanna lead!"  
  
"You're such a crybaby, you meanie!"  
  
"I am not *sniff*! Don't make me tell Lara!"  
  
"Hey! That's not fair! Mom!"  
  
"Hmm? What is it dear?" Lara spoke up after hearing the shrill screech of her daughter.  
  
"Crono won't let me lead!"  
  
"Now, now, Crono."  
  
Crono looked at Lara with giant puppy eyes and the background instantly transformed into a sickeningly pink and bubbly dream-like place that only most druggies would see after their tenth joint (I'm sure we all know which anime effect I'm referring to).  
  
"Aw, I can't argue with that. Sorry, Lucca, maybe you can let him lead just one more time?"  
  
"Hmph. Fine!" Lucca stuck her tongue out at Crono who hugged Lara.  
  
"Oh, don't be so mean to widdle Cwono," Lara baby-talked while scratching Crono behind the ears causing him to thump his right leg a little.  
  
"Can we get going?" Lucca asked while tapping her foot annoyed.  
  
Crono took the message and happily skipped out the door with Lucca following suit.  
  
"So, where to, oh fearless leader?" Lucca grumbled.  
  
"I say we go far across the sea! To worlds beyond! To boldly go where no man has gone before! To seek new civilization. . .!"  
  
"Alright, stop right there!" Lucca yelled as she slapped her hand over Crono's mouth.  
  
"Ow. Now my mouth feels all tingly. . ." the red-head whined.  
  
"Good, now lets go."  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
The two walked on, Crono leading with a happy sun-shiny face as birds sang overhead and a bright big rainbow flew across the sky. Lucca, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky as to get sun-shiny goodness. Instead, all she got was a trip over a small rock and a skinned knee.  
  
"Dammit! Why do you get all the nice stuff!?" Lucca screamed.  
  
" 'Cause I'm the cute one!" the happy-go-lucky boy smiled back.  
  
"Hrmph, if you weren't the hero I'd. . ."  
  
"Shhh," Crono shushed his annoyed friend, "I see someone coming."  
  
The two ducked down onto the grass and watched as two figures walked toward them. One was quite tall and very muscular and wore a bright orange gi. The other was smaller and wore a yellow gi.  
  
"Who, who are they?" Lucca whispered.  
  
"I don't know," Crono spoke truthfully.  
  
"And then! Then I went super saiyan 34.572395628386391287616094654987687487285876!" the taller figure spoke.  
  
"That's nice, dear," the smaller figure answered.  
  
Both friends stared blankly.  
  
"Super saiyan 34.5723956. . .?" Crono began reciting.  
  
Lucca whacked him on the head with her hammer.  
  
"Idiot. Don't go reiterating what that weirdo just said."  
  
"Sorry. . ."  
  
"Although, he does look a lot like you, only with black hair, and he's taller too."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yay, just look at him. Same muscularity too. . ."  
  
"Maybe he's my evil twin?"  
  
"Sorry, that kind of thing doesn't happen until Crono Cross."  
  
"Wha. . .?"  
  
"Never mind, let's just go see what they want."  
  
"Yay! We get to make new friends!"  
  
"Just, don't talk. . ."  
  
They got up to meet the new visitors. Lucca made sure her gun was easily reachable while Crono skipped happily next to her. The two strangers noticed the duo headed for them and stopped while waving.  
  
"Well, they can't be too bad if they're waving. . ." Lucca thought aloud.  
  
"Lucca, you're such a silly goose. Of course they're friendly."  
  
"Whatever, let's just go meet them."  
  
As they approached the two people they both greeted our red-haired hero and purple-haired inventor.  
  
"Hey! Marle's not even in this story! Why can't I be the heroine, huh!? HUH!?"  
  
"Um, we were going to tell you our names. . ." the smaller stranger who was apparently female spoke tentatively.  
  
"Oh, whoops, sorry. Do go on."  
  
"I am Chichi and this is my husband, Goku," the woman, supposedly, called Chichi introduced.  
  
"Hi," Crono and Goku said at the same time.  
  
"Is it just me or did it sound as if one voice just spoke even though two mouths were moving?" Chichi questioned.  
  
"Hmm, the plot thickens." Lucca thought aloud once more.  
  
And then a huge pile of plot came splashing along the fields soon engulfing the four. They slid away to never been again, or until the author thought it right to make a second chapter.  
  
After Words: Hee hee. Cute fic. I like. Review, please. Thanks, and good night.  
  
-TrekTournament 


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Chrono Trigger, Humor, Parody