Chrono Trigger 1. CT1: Alfador v GolemBoss

'Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first Crono Trigger Invitational. The place where characters from this well-known RPG can solve their differences. I am your host and commentator for the evening, the one and only king of entertainment, MAGUS!'  
  
The fabulously wealthy commentator sat down at his seat by the combat zone, his blue hair resting lightly on his cape, his scythe near him on the table in case the crowd got too rowdy with a large smile on his face.  
  
'And here are the contestants for the evening's battle. First, let me introduce Dalton's supreme monster. The Golem Boss!!!'  
  
A black hole opened in the zone and out floated a weird pyramid-shaped thing with two eyes and what looked like a mouth. It looked around it and noticed the five-inch elevation of the ring.  
  
'Nooooo.' It whimpered. 'I'm scared of heights, help me.' It crept to a corner and started whimpering softly.  
  
The crowd fell silent, wondering what the hell was going on.  
  
'And his opponent for tonight.' Cried Magus, trying to whip back a bit of life into the evening. 'Apparently, this creature tried to become Dalton's favourite after its original owner was sucked through time but GolemBoss took its place. I have named the supremely strong, the viciously valiant………………….  
  
..  
  
..  
  
ALFADOR!!!!!!'  
  
Many an eyebrow rose in the crowd as Janus' small purple cat miaowed its way to the ring and got in, casting an evil eye at GolemBoss.  
  
The bell rang but GolemBoss still gibbered in his corner.  
  
'Yaa-taaaaaaaaaaaaa!' yelled Alfador as it flew at its opponent with a karate-kick style move.  
  
The small purple cat's paw connected with the side of GolemBoss' head making the top of the pyramid wobble but Boss did not move an inch.  
  
Alfador retreated with a look of annoyance on its features as GolemBoss continued bawling. Suddenly, a bulb seemed to ting inside the cat's head as he exited the combat zone and went to the back. It returned a minute later dragging a large bag. It opened it to reveal a large clock on a chain. It entered the ring and started dangling the clock in front of GolemBoss' eyes, miaowing in a soft voice.  
  
'I think Alfador is attempting to hypnotise GolemBoss for some reason. What does that moggy have in mind?'  
  
In the ring, GolemBoss suddenly stopped crying. It got up slowly, sniffing loudly, bumping very gently into Alfador but its bulk was enough to send the cat flying horizontally across the room into the crowd.  
  
'SNIFF!! Has the match started yet?' it asked in a lumbering voice.  
  
The roar from the crowd was deafening. 'YESSSSSS!'  
  
'Where's my opponent then?'  
  
'BEHIND YOU!'  
  
GolemBoss turned round and looked down to see a little purple thing frantically clawing at his feet. 'Awwww, isn't that cute, I'm fighting a likkle doggy?' he asked quizzically.  
  
At these words, Alfador froze. 'MIAOWWWWW!!!!!!' it howled. It leapt up to the top rope, so as to be level with GolemBoss' eyes and started miaowing at it very vehemently.  
  
'Alfador seems to be trying to explain to GolemBoss that it is a cat not a cute likkle doggy.'  
  
GolemBoss smiled deeply and reaching into itself pulled out a very mangy- looking bone. 'Here you go, boy, FETCH!' He tossed the bone lightly at the cat. The bone bounced off Alfador's head, severely concussing it. With stars flying over its head, Alfador fell over backwards out of the ring.  
  
GolemBoss, a look of concern on its face, ran towards the edge and looked down. 'Are you alright, little doggy?' Suddenly, he yelped in pure terror. 'It's too high, I'm gonna falllllll!' The terror became too much for him and he fell forward in a faint.  
  
The crowd waited for a few seconds but neither of the fighters stirred.  
  
'Well, it looks like this match is declared a no-contest due to a double knockout. Tune in next time for the next match of the Crono Trigger Invitational.' Said Magus. He then noticed a rumble coming from behind him. The crowd was slowly edging towards him, murder on their faces. 'You call that a fight?' said one of them as they rushed forward. The show went off the air with a Magus-shaped hole in the wall as the crowd pelted him with satsumas and whatever objects they could find, leaving a very angry Satsuma salesman looking at his depleted stall. 


	2. CT2: Flea v Chancellor

A very bruised and faintly Satsuma-smelling Magus took his place at the commentary box, surrounded by security guards after his attack on the previous night.  
  
'Well, sports fans, welcome to the second showing of the CT Invitational. Tonight, we have a very exciting matchup between one of Guardia's highest ranking personalities and one of my former employees.'  
  
The crowd oohed and aahed at the sound of what seemed to be a more sensible match than the previous disaster. 'And now let me present one of the most fearsome Mystics that ever lived, also one of the most sexually-confused Mystics that ever lived. I have named FLEA!'  
  
Classical music filled the arena as Flea slid down to the ring, wearing a very tight-fitting white robe. The eyes of every man in the arena popped out of their heads as Magus stuttered to speak. 'We-wwe-well I guess the issue as to Flea being a man or a woman is now resolved. Anwyay, Flea's adversary for tonight is a person respected throughout the kingdom of Guardia.'  
  
The tension was nail-biting as the crowd awaited the announcement.  
  
'Let me present………THE CHANCELLOR!'  
  
The chorus of booing was deafening as they awaited one of the most hated people in Guardia. Suddenly, Coolio's 'Gangsta's Paradise' thumped out of the PA system as the Chancellor strutted out. He wore extremely baggy purple trousers which feel to his ankles along with a short-sleeved bright fluorescent yellow shirt with the words 'I AM DA ORIGINAL GANGSTA, AYE!' spray-painted on in graffiti. On his head, he wore a Porre Whirlwinds baseball cap turned sideways along with a bright gold chain necklace and silver streamlined sunglasses. The only mark of his position was the traditional sceptre he clasped in his right hand. He jived his way to the ring where he started break-dancing, warming up the crowd. As he continued, the bell rang and Flea immediately attacked.  
  
Pulling out a long wooden club from under her dress, Flea raised it and ran at the Chancellor, bludgeoning him on the head. A metallic sound echoed around the arena as Flea and the club blurred under the force of the impact. The Chancellor rose and tapped his cap lightly, producing a faint metallic sound.  
  
'It appears the Chancellor put a metal plate under his cap, what an intelligent move.'  
  
As Flea still jarred from the blow, the Chancellor took out some brass knuckles and started pummelling into Flea's stomach, winding her. But Flea outstretched a hand and yelled out. 'Fantasy Change!' A mist spread about her as Magus' voice sounded out.  
  
'Flea is using her famous Fantasy Change spell which enables her to transform into her opponent's most desired object of fantasy. When the mist clears, we will discover what the Chancellor's darkest fantasy is.'  
  
The mist slowly lifted and the crowd fell silent as a look of far-away wonderment came over the Chancellor. There in front of him, stood, clad in a shimmering revealing red satin dress, Queen Leene!  
  
'WHAT THE ********? Apparently, we have discovered that the Chancellor is attracted to his own queen, Leene. This is not good for his reputation.'  
  
As the Chancellor looked down at Leene's cleavage, she knocked him around the head with a huge roundhouse kick. However, this barely affected him as he was still looking at his opponent with a look of lust in his eyes.  
  
'ARREST THAT MAN!' Mirrorring Magus' words, King Guardia strutted to the ring accompanied by many guards. 'ARREST THAT MAN FOR TREASON TO HIS QUEEN!'  
  
The guards entered the ring and dragged the Chancellor away as he still looked at Flea-Leene with barely contained passion.  
  
Magus, having been in shock for the last ten seconds, took a deep breath and spoke. 'Well, it looks like our winner by default is FLEA! Tune in next time for more excitement in the CT Invitational.'  
  
Flea then looked at Magus and using the 'Fantasy Change' spell, turned into Ayla. A look of pure hunger came over Magus' eyes and Ayla-Flea was forced to run for her life as Magus chased her out of the arena. 


End file.

Chrono Trigger, Fantasy, Humor