Card Captor Sakura Cheerleading Daze

Cheerleading Daze  
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IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE!!!!!!!!!!! MUST READ!!!!  
  
I AM SORRY IF I OFFEND ANYBODY IN THIS STORY, ESPECIALLY CANADIANS(me being British/Canadian myself). MOSTLY ALBERTAINS(where I live {Edmonton}) I USE RALPH KLEIN IN THIS FAN FIC, AND THIS MAY BE SLIGHTLY INSULTING. IF IT IS, BLAME MY SOCIAL TEACHER. SHE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA OF THE IS STORY WHEN WE WERE WATCHING THE PREMIERE DEBATE IN SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS! YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR RANTS IN THE REVIEWS, AND I'LL GIVE THEM TO HER, IF THEY ARE DIRECTED TO HER. AGAIN, I DO NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE INSULTING TO ANYBODY, JUST FUNNY.  
thank you,  
Silver Goddess ^.~  
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Disclaimer:  
I do not own CCS, or Ralph Klein.  
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Sakura leaned back in one of the chairs in the gym, sighing. She, being the captain of the cheerleading team, was responsible to find a replacement for Nikki, who had broken her leg the day before after her little cousin had thought it would be funny to push her down a flight of cement stairs. Sakura had decided to hold audition to find a replacement, and so far, none were even close! She had gone through a gothic, who refused to wear the yellow and red uniforms, saying she would only wear black, a male cross dresser(that WASN'T a pretty site!), the new chick, who must have weight 600 lbs, and couldn't even do half a jumping jack, more the less a triple back flip with double flips, stepping in, and out, than in and out again, ending with a 1080 degree spin/flip(okay....so I'm sure you can tell I was in cheerleading for a few years.....), and some lesbian chick(no, not Madison!) who was only interested in looking up the girls short skirts. Sakura shuddered at that thought and glanced over to where Li, her boyfriend of 7 years, sat on the bleachers, pretending to be totally absorbed in a textbook, which Sakura's noticed was upside down, when his eyes where really on Sakura.  
"Hello, Little Girl! I'm here for the cheerleading tryouts!" A voice said cheerfully.  
'Oh great!' Sakura thought. 'Another gay....' She turned around, coming face to face with a man. An OLD man. An old man wearing Reedington High's cheerleading uniform, the ones that the people trying out were supposed to wear. Chubby, hairy legs poked out of the yellow mini shorts, which were overly tight. A large gut hung out of the shirt, which was to small, and WAY too high, barely covering half of the man's man-boobs. Sakura looked up into the large eyes of Ralph Klein(DON'T SUE!!)  
"Um...huh??" Sakura asked, shocked at the sight in front of her.   
"I'm. Here. For. The. Try. Outs." the man said slowly, as if speaking to nothing but a little child, not an 18 year old girl.  
"Um...right....Okay, you...need to fill out this form...." Sakura said, sliding a green sheet of paper across the table. The man reached for it, his hand brushing against Sakura's, causing an electric shock to run up her arm.   
"Okaly dokaly, 'lil miss." the man said. He picked up the pen, pausing as he read the first question out loud.  
"Hm...name? Okay, "Former Premier Ralph Klein". Next...Age: 43. Birthday: February 30, 1940. Ability: Hm...this is a toughy!! Hmmm....none." he slid the sheet back to Sakura, who looked it over.  
"Mr. Klein, er, Ralph, you got the position!" Sakura said, shaking the former premiers hand. Li slid up beside her.  
"Are you insane?! Look at him! and read his sheet! There are only 28 days in February, and his age and birthdate don't add up! And he has NO ability! I mean, the gay was probably a better choice!" he hissed quietly, so that the large man humming a Meatloaf song wouldn't hear them.  
"Don't you think I know that? There's just something about him...."Sakura was cut off by Li.  
"Oh there is defiantly something about him!" Li looked over to where Ralph was performing a REALLY bad impression of a guitar solo, making piercing screeching sounds, causing all of the lights on the roof to shatter and tumble to the ground.  
"Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone when the morning comes. When the night is over. Like a bat out of hell, I'll be gone, gone gooooooonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!" the man shouted, jumping up and down wildly. He ended in a poor attempt of splits, but he barely managed to get down before the back of his shorts ripped open, revealing his Pok*mon underpants.  
"Oops-i-do!" he said, covering up his butt. Li turned back to Sakura.  
"Please! Go find the goth, or the cross dresser! Or even the lez! Please!!" Li begged. Sakura turned to face him, her hands on her hips.  
"Would you like the lez looking up my skirt, 'cause THAT'S what she'll be doing!" Li turned to Ralph.  
"You've got the position." Ralph ignored him, and continued to play his invisible guitar.  
"You! Freeze right there! In the name of the Moon," a voice shouted  
"In the name of Mars,"  
"In the name of Mercury,"  
"In the name of Venus,"  
"In the name of Jupiter,"  
"In the name of Saturn,"  
"In the name of Uranus,"  
"::giggle:: You said Your anus! ::giggle:: Oh! Right! In the name of Neptune,"  
"And in the name of Pluto, the only sane one in this bunch,"  
"WE WILL PUNISH YOU!" the girls shouted, striking a pose.  
"Um....girls. Wrong story...." Sakura said to the girls. Moon face-faulted, a painful slap giving her a headache.  
"See, Moonie! I TOLD YOU THIS WASN'T RIVALS....OR ALLIES?! But did you listen to me? NO!" Pluto said angrily, beginning to leave. The others followed.  
"Wait! You don't have to go....just yet, do you?" Li asked, running up between Pluto and Neptune, wrapping his arms around their waists.  
"Yes, we do. And, Li. I'm 2037 years old. That's 2020 years too old for you." Pluto said, shrugging him off.  
"No, it's not, baby. You still look young 'n' foxy. I think we'll get along just nicely. And Michiru, care to join us in a manage a tois?" Li asked, stepping in front of the two. Uranus stepped up behind Neptune, wrapping her arms around her waist, and kissed her neck.  
"Aw! Man! Your a lez?!? DAMN IT! Great. Back to Sakura...." Li said, spinning around.  
"WHAT?! OK, that's it mister! NO MORE SEX FOR YOU!" Sakura screamed.  
"Woah! Busted!" Mercury said before she ran after Venus, linking her arm into hers.  
"Merc's gay with Venus?! Oh, man! Now I don't have a shot!" Moon and Jupiter yelled at the same time. The turned to each other, gazing into the others eyes. The fell into their arms, and began to make out.  
"See what I mean by 'I'm the only sane one in this group? THEY'RE ALL GAY! Mars is even dating that hairy girl, whom everybody thinks is a guy! Face up to the facts Mars! He's a SHE!" Pluto yelled, throwing her hands into the air. Mars turned to her.  
"At least he's, er, she's, only ONE gender! Not a guy who turns into a girl, than back again!" Mars yelled before storming out of the gym.  
"I don't like TAIKI!"  
"Sure!" seven other girls chorused before getting chased out of the gym.  
"What weird girls....LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL, AND I'LL BE GONE WHEN THE MORNING COMES, COMES, COMES. I'LL BE GONE, GONE, GONE!!!!!!!YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Klein shouted, dancing around in the background.  
"What are we going to do?" Li asked. He glanced at Sakura, who's eyes were on the premier, er, former, premier, but hearts in her eyes.  
"Huh? What'd you say Li?" She asked, stepping toward the dancing man.  
"I said, what....Sakura? Sakura?" Li watched as Sakura glidded up to Ralph, and began to dance along with him.  
"And I would do anything for love. I would run right into hell and back. I would do anything for love. I'll never lie to you and that's a fact. But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that. I won't do that. Anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that. But I won't do that. I won't do that. Some days it don't come easy. Some days it don't come hard. Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end. Some nights you breathing fire. Some nights your carved in ice. Some nights you like nothing I've ever seen before, or will again. And maybe I'm crazy. But it's crazy and it's true. I know you can save me. No one else can save me now but you. As long as the planets are turning. As long as the stars are burning. As long as your dreams are coming true, you'd better believe it- That I would do anything for love. And I'll be there till the final acts. And I would do anything for love. I'll take a vow and seal the pact. But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that. I won't do that. I would do anything for love. Anything you've been dreaming of. But I just won't do that. Somedays I pray for silence. Somedays I pray for soul. Somedays I just pray to the Gods of Sex and Drums, and Rock 'n' Roll. Somenights I lose the feeling. Somenights I loose control. Somenights I loose it all when I watch you dance, and the thunder rolls. Maybe I'm lonely. And that's all I'm qualified to be. There's just one and only, one and only promise I can keep. As long as the wheels are turning. As long as the fires are burning. As long as your prayers are coming true, you'd better believe it. That I would do anything for love. You know it's true and that's a fact. I would do anything for love. And there will never be no turning back. But I'll never do better than I do with you. So long. So long. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that! I would do anything for love. Anything you've been dreaming of. But I just won't do that..... But I'll never stop dreaming of you. Every night of my life. No way. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that. I won't do that." Ralph sang at the top of his screechy voice. Sakura's lovely voice flooded the gym.  
"Will you raise me up, will you help me down? Will you get me right out of this god forsaken town. Will you make it all a little less cold?"  
"I can do that. I can do that."  
"will you hold me sacred, will you hold me tight. Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of black and white. Can you make it all a little less old?"  
"I can do that. I can do that."  
"Will you make me some magic with your own two hands? Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand? Will you give me something I can take home?"  
"I can do that. I can do that."  
"Will you cater to every fantasy I've got? Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot? Will you take me places I've never known?"  
"I can do that. I can do that."  
"After a while, you'll forget everything. It was a brief interlude in a mid-summers night's fling. And you'll see that it's time to move on."  
"I won't do that. I won't do that."  
"I know the territory, I've been around. It'll all turn to dust, and It'll all fall down. Sooner or later, you'll be screwing around."  
"I won't do that. I won't do that. Anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. But I won't do that. No, I won't do that....." the two ended, clasped in each other's arms.  
"Ewwwwww!!! Sakura! He's old!" Syaoran yelled.  
"So what? He's hot!" Sakura replied, staring deeply into Ralph's eyes.   
"Omigod, I'm so...... eww!!!!"  
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K, guys, I'm at a loss here, so if you have any ideas, put them in the review. I will add almost all ideas to this story. Please, HELP! 


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Card Captor Sakura, Humor