Phantom of the Opera 1. Act One

MADAME GIRY (THE NARRATOR): (Sings, to "Circle of Life") So the day has come for the movie.  
Let's see, we've waited fourteen years.  
It was meant for the '90s, of course,  
but Andrew got divorced,  
so we had to wait a decade plus four!  
And of course, the original cast won't do,  
'cause Joel wants everybody young.  
Who will make the cut?  
We want the originals, but   
Hollywood doesn't work that way anymore.  
(Spoken) Okay, you know what, this is just annoying. Why does _everything_ have to open with a song?  
ALW: (Out of camera shot) Because this is a _musical!_  
MADAME GIRY: Whatever. Okay, Emmy's in it, Patrick's in it, Gerry's in it, blah, blah, blah, moving on!

**In the Cellars of the Movie Set**  
_A little mouse is scurrying around. A hand picks it up by the tail and the mouse squirms and squeaks in protest. The hand brings the mouse at eye level. It's_ Michael Crawford.  
MICHAEL: Life's not fair, is it? Well I, you see, _I_ shall never be in the movie, ha! And you shall never see the light of another day...okay, not really! I could never hurt you, little mouse, you're so cute! (Cuddles mouse)  
MEG: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to sympathize with the weak when you're playing a villain in a parody?  
MICHAEL: What do you want?  
MEG: I'm here to announce that Lord Andrew's on his way, so you'd better have a good excuse for missing the congratulating-the-movie-cast ceremony this morning.  
_The mouse scurries off._  
MICHAEL: Oh, now look, little Giry, you've made me lose the only friend I had left in Hollywood! (Pouts)  
MEG: Ha! You'll lose more than that when Andrew gets through with you! He's as mad as Carlotta without a lead role!  
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Ooooh, I quiver with _fear_! (Takes out Punjab)  
MEG: (Backing up nervously) Now, Michael, don't look at me that way... (He tosses the lasso) Help! (Is roped)  
ALW: (Appearing) Michael!  
MICHAEL: (Casually) Yes?  
ALW: Drop her.   
MEG: Nice timing, my lord. (Is unleashed and starts applying lotion to her rope burned neck)  
MICHAEL: Why, if it isn't the all-powerful Andrew descending from on high to mingle with the lesser!  
ALW: Sarah and I didn't see you at the presentation of the movie cast.  
MICHAEL: That was _today_? Oh, I feel simply awful! Must've slipped my mind.  
MEG: Yes, well, slippery as your mind is, as the original musical Phantom, you should've been first in line!  
Michael_ raises the Punjab threateningly again._  
MICHAEL: Well, I was first in line, until you and Sarah picked the _perfect_ time for a divorce!  
ALW: That divorce was all for the better. All's well that ends well.  
MICHAEL: Oooh, I love a good Shakespeare performance! (Turns to leave)  
ALW: Don't turn your back on me, Michael.  
MICHAEL: Oh, no, _Lord_ Andrew; perhaps _you_ shouldn't turn your back on _me._  
ALW: (Rushing forward) Is that a challenge?  
MICHAEL: Temper, temper! I wouldn't _dream_ of challenging you.  
MEG: Pity. Why not?  
MICHAEL: Well, as far as singing ability goes, not to sound arrogant, I got the lion's share, but when it comes to youthful looks? I'm afraid I got the short end of the stick as far as modern Hollywood is concerned. (Slinks away)  
MEG: (Sighs) He was bound to be angry, Andrew. Not that I blame him, actually. You _did_ promise him and Sarah...  
ALW: What am I going to do with him?  
MEG: He'd make a very handsome auctioneer.  
ALW: Meg!  
MEG: And just think—he's auctioning off has-beens--as far as modern Hollywood is concerned, he's right at home!

Sarah_ and_ Emmy_ are standing looking at the replica Paris Opera at Universal Studios._  
SARAH: Look, Emmy—everything the moonlight touches is our kingdom.  
EMMY: (Staring in awe) Wow!   
SARAH: A Christine's time of fame rises and falls like the moon. As you are aware of, Emmy, the moon has set on my hour of triumph and will rise with you as the new Christine.  
EMMY: And this'll all be mine?  
SARAH: Everything.  
EMMY: Everything the moonlight touches...what about that shadowy box?  
SARAH: That is Box Five—you cannot go there until you fully understand the story you have inherited.  
EMMY: But I've been cast—isn't that enough?   
SARAH: There's more to understanding the story than just getting the okay for the part.  
EMMY: There's _more?_  
SARAH: Emmy! (Laughs)  
_Later, they walk across the stage._  
SARAH: Every aspect of the story exists together in a delicate balance. As Christine, you need to understand that balance and respect all involved: From Joel himself to the lowest coffee boy...  
EMMY: But, Sarah, don't we step on the lesser ones to make it to the top?   
SARAH: Yes, Emmy, but let me explain: Don't get too comfortable at the top—someone will always be below you wanting to take your place, and you could end up at the bottom at any moment. So, respect the lower—after all, you were there once.  
MEG: Good Evening, Sarah!  
SARAH: Good Evening, Meg!  
MEG: Checking in, with the evening report...  
SARAH: Fire away!  
MEG: Well, Buquet is being lazy as usual. He's just hanging around!  
SARAH: You don't say...  
MEG: And the ballet girls are just _terrified_ of the Opera ghost...and the elephants in _Hannibal_! Ugh, they're scared out of their minds, poor fellows! I told them to forget it, but they just _can't_...  
SARAH: What are you doing, Emmy?   
EMMY: Putting my hand at the level of my eyes. Just in case.   
SARAH: Let an old pro show you how it's done. (Hands Meg a Punjab) Here, throw this.  
MEG: But—but—but, I'm not good at this, ugh! This is _so_ humiliating! (Throws lasso, which misses by a mile, but Emmy still had her hand up)  
SARAH: Very good! Now, you'll...  
_A ballet girl appears._  
BALLET GIRL: Meg!   
MEG: What?!  
BALLET GIRL: (Salutes) Miss, news from the dressing room.  
SARAH: (To Emmy) Now, this time—.  
MEG: Sarah! _Phantom_-bashing Rentheads! Outside the theater!  
SARAH: Meg, take Emmy backstage.  
EMMY: Aw, Sarah, can't I come?  
SARAH: No, Emmy. (Hurries off)  
EMMY: I never get to go anywhere!  
MEG: Oh, young mistress, one day, _you_ will be Christine. Then, you can chase those metal-banging, mangy, evil rock n'rollers from dawn until dusk!

**In the Set's Cellars**  
GERRY: (Running up to Michael) Hey, Michael, guess what?  
MICHAEL: I_ despise_ guessing games.   
GERRY: I'm gonna be the Phantom of the Opera!  
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Oh, goody.  
GERRY: Joel just showed me the set--and I'm gonna rule it all!  
MICHAEL: Yes, well, forgive me for not _leaping_ for joy. Bad back, you know. (Flops to the ground)  
GERRY: Hey, Michael, when I'm Phantom, what'll that make you?  
MICHAEL: A badger's uncle.  
GERRY: You're so weird!   
MICHAEL: You have _no_ idea.  
So, Joel showed you the set, did he?  
GERRY: Everything.  
MICHAEL: He didn't show you what's between Box Four and Box Six, did he?  
GERRY: Well, no. He and Sarah said Emmy and I can't go there.  
MICHAEL: And they're _absolutely_ right; it's far too sacred--only the Phantoms and Christines who know the story go there.  
GERRY: Well, _we_ know the story! What's in there?  
MICHAEL: I'm so sorry, Gerry, I just _can't_ tell you.  
GERRY: Why not?  
MICHAEL: Gerry, Gerry, I'm only looking out for the well-being of my favorite Andrew Lloyd Webber musical film adaptation Phantom!  
GERRY: Yeah, right, I'm the _only_ Andrew Lloyd Webber musical film adaptation Phantom.  
MICHAEL: All the more reason to protect you. The territory of Lon Chaney's ghost is no place for a recent inductee to the _Phantom_ legend—oops!  
GERRY: The territory of _whom_? Whoa!  
MICHAEL: Oh, dear, I've said too much. Well, I suppose you'd have found out sooner or later, you being _so clever_ and all, now, just do me one favor: Promise me you'll never visit that _sacred_ place.  
GERRY: No problem.  
MICHAEL: There's a good lad. You run along now and have fun, and remember...it's our little secret.  
Gerry_ leaves. When he's gone,_ Michael_ grins wickedly.  
Later,_ Gerry_ runs up to where a group of cast members sit, eating ice cream._  
GERRY: Hey, Emmy!  
EMMY: Hi, Gerry!  
GERRY: Come on, I just heard about this great place.   
EMMY: Gerry, I'm trying to eat my lunch.  
JOEL: And it's time for yours. (Hands Gerry a bowl of ice cream)  
GERRY: Joel! You _know_ I hate strawberry! (Eats two bites) Okay, okay, I'm fed, can we go now?  
EMMY: So, where are we going? It better not be anyplace dumb.  
GERRY: No, it's _really_ cool.  
JOEL: So, where is this really cool place?  
GERRY: Oh...by the _Rent_ set they're building.  
EMMY: The _Rent_ set? Who in their right mind would go there?  
GERRY: I'll show you when we get there. (Winks)  
EMMY: (Catching his hint they're not really going there) Oh. Joel, can I go with Gerry?  
JOEL: Hmmm, what do you think, Miranda?  
MIRANDA: Well...  
GERRY AND EMMY: Please?   
MIRANDA: It's all right with me...as long as Minnie goes with you.  
GERRY: Not Minnie!  
MINNIE: Step lively! The sooner we get to the _Rent_ set, the sooner we can attempt to escape getting the crap beaten out of us by _Phantom_-despising Rentheads!  
EMMY: (To Gerry) So, where are we going?  
GERRY: To meet Lon Chaney.  
EMMY: Wow! Wait, I thought he was dead...   
GERRY: It's his ghost.  
EMMY: Oh. So, how are we gonna ditch the diva? (Gestures to Minnie)  
GERRY: I've got an idea. We'll just...  
_They execute their elaborate plan and_ Minnie_ ends up hanging from the chandelier._  
MINNIE: I'm terrified of heights! Emmy? _Gerry?_

**Later**  
GERRY: All right, it worked! We lost her!  
_Smoke billows up. The two stare, realizing they are just outside of Box Five._  
EMMY: This is it. We made it.  
_They part the curtains leading into the box and stare._  
EMMY AND GERRY: Whoa...  
EMMY: It's really creepy!  
GERRY: Yeah, but isn't it great?  
EMMY: We could get in big trouble.  
GERRY: I know!  
_They step inside._   
EMMY: (Touching the chair) I wonder if this is the same stuff Chaney used...  
GERRY: There's only one way to know. Come on, let's go check it out!  
Minnie_ appears._  
MINNIE: The only checking out you will do will be to check out of here!  
GERRY: Aw, man!  
MINNIE: We're _way_ beyond the territory of newbies!   
GERRY: Oooh, scared of the ghost of a silent screen actor, huh? That stuff's old school!  
MINNIE: He's a _legendary_ silent screen actor to you, Gerry. He was so good at it because his parents were deaf mutes.  
GERRY: Ha, like _that_ had anything to do with it! Anybody can pantomime! I laugh in the face of such actors! _Hahahaha!_  
_Lightening and thunder. The ghosts of _Lon Chaney, Claude Rains,_ and the mute sidekick of_ Herbert Lom's Phantom_ appear._

LON CHANEY: Well, well, well, Claude, what have we got here?  
CLAUE RAINS: Hmmm, I don't know, Lon, uh, what do you think, Ian?  
IAN (THE DWARF): (Laughs an insane laugh)  
CLAUDE RAINS: That's just what I was thinking—a trio of trespassers!  
MINNIE: And quite by accident, let me assure you, a simple navigational error, so we'll just—.  
LON CHANEY: (Grabbing her by the wrist) Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, I know you—you're that arrogant Italian bitch who can't sing for crap!  
MINNIE: (With Carlotta's accent) _I_, senor, am the Opera's Prima Donna!  
_The three ghosts begin circling the three mortals._  
CLAUDE RAINS: (To Gerry) And that would make _you..._?  
GERRY: The future Phantom!   
LON CHANEY: Do you know what we do to Phantoms who are disgraces to the legend we created?  
GERRY: Pfft, you can't do anything to me.  
MINNIE: (Normal voice) Uh, technically, they can. They're ghosts, and we're on their land.  
EMMY: But, Minnie, Gerry told me they're nothing but ancient, dead has-beens no one cares about anymore because his Phantom will outshine them!  
CLAUDE RAINS: _What_ was that?  
MINNIE: Oh, my gosh, look at the time! Adios!  
LON CHANEY: (Blocking the escape route) What's the hurry? We'd _love_ for you to stay for the party we're having tonight.   
CLAUDE RAINS: Yeah, and once the DJ gets here...we can all do the Monster Mash! (Laughs hysterically) Get it? _Monster Mash_, and we're all ghosts, huh?  
LON CHANEY: No, no, wait, wait, wait, I got one, I got one! All you guys have to do is 'leave your body at the door', whatcha think?  
IAN: Meep!  
LON CHANEY: What, Ian, what is it?  
CLAUDE RAINS: Hey, did we ask those guys to be party poopers?  
LON CHANEY: No, why?  
CLAUDE RAINS: (Pointing at Gerry, Emmy, and Minnie escaping) Because _that's what they're being!_  
_The three humans dash down the hallway._ Gerry_ and_ Emmy_ continue running, but a lasso thrown after them catches_ Minnie_ around the ankle and drags her back._  
EMMY: Did we lose 'em?  
GERRY: I...I think so. Wait, where's Minnie?   
_Back with the three ghosts, dangling_ Minnie_ over the torture chamber, which is full of live toads._  
CLAUDE RAINS: Let's see how much of a Prima Donna you are now!  
MINNIE: Oh, no, not the torture chamber... (They drop her in) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!   
GERRY: (Appearing) Hey! Why don't you pick on somebody in your own life?  
LON CHANEY: Actually, it's afterlife, and no, because _it's not as fun!_  
_They are chased until they come to a dead end. They're trapped, with the three ghosts slinking toward them._  
CLAUDE RAINS: (Mockingly, to Emmy) Sing something for us, Christine...  
Emmy_ glares, but tries anyway, only weak attempts and coughing escaping._  
CLAUDE RAINS: Oooh, that was it? Do it again, come on.  
Emmy_ opens her mouth and an ear-splittingly high but on-key note bursts from her lips._   
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY: What the—?  
Sarah_ leaps down onto them, tackling them to the ground. The freed_ Minnie_, with a toad or two still on her shoulder, checks on her companions._   
LON CHANEY AND CLAUDE RAINS: Please, please, mercy, mercy...   
SARAH: _Silence!_  
CLAUDE RAINS: Hey, we're gonna shut up right now, just, just...  
LON CHANEY: Calm down, we're really sorry.  
SARAH: If you _ever_ come near my coworkers again...  
CLAUDE RAINS: Oh, these—these are yours? (To Lon) Aw, gee, I didn't—I didn't know that, did you?  
LON CHANEY: No, of course not!  
BOTH: Ian?  
IAN: (Nods yes)  
Sarah_ bares her teeth and hisses._  
CLAUDE RAINS: Toodles!  
_They leave._ Gerry_ and_ Emmy_ approach._  
EMMY: Sarah, I—.  
SARAH: You deliberately disobeyed me.  
EMMY: Sarah, I—I'm sorry...  
SARAH: Let's go home.  
GERRY: (As they are leaving) I thought you were very brave.  
_Above them, hidden on a shadowy ledge,_ Michael_ watches them with a grim frown._

_Now, our heroes (and heroines) are walking back to the theater. It is sunset._  
SARAH: Minnie!  
MINNIE: (Terrified) Yes, ma'am?   
SARAH: Take Emmy home. I've got to teach Gerry...a lesson.  
Gerry_ gulps and tries to hide in the tall grass._ Minnie_ approaches._   
MINNE: Come, Emmy. Gerry, (Sigh) good luck.  
Minnie_ and_ Emmy_ leave._  
SARAH: (Without looking at him) Gerry.  
Gerry_ slinks toward her and he suddenly steps on a piece of paper and glances down. It is an article praising and announcing the debut of PotO in London. Bowing his head in shame, he steps over the article and sits down next to_ Sarah.  
SARAH: Gerry, I am very disappointed in you.  
GERRY: I know...  
SARAH: You could've been killed. You _deliberately_ disobeyed me, and what's worse, you put Emmy in danger!  
GERRY: I—I was just trying to make a name for myself like you.  
SARAH: Getting a name in show business happens by chance and if you have the talent; you can't force it. Gerry, being successful doesn't mean you go _looking_ for the triumph...  
GERRY: But you seemed to make it just like that.   
SARAH: Well, I didn't.  
GERRY: You _didn't_?  
SARAH: No. It took a lot of hard work.  
GERRY: Oh...I guess even famous people still have work to do, don't they?  
SARAH: Mmm-hmmm.   
GERRY: But you know what?  
SARAH: What?  
GERRY: I think those other Phantoms had to work _really_ hard!  
SARAH: (Laughs) 'Cause _nobody_ messes with the pioneers!  
_They wrestle and chase each other in the grass._  
GERRY: Sarah?   
SARAH: Hmmm?  
GERRY: We're pals, right?  
SARAH: Right.   
GERRY: And you'll always be there to help us out, right?  
SARAH: Gerry, let me tell you something that the very first Christine told me...  
GERRY: You _met_ Mary Philbin?  
SARAH: She came to the LA debut. Anyway, look at the chandelier: Its crystals may seem small, but if one was removed, its beauty would not be the same.   
GERRY: Really?  
SARAH: Yes. So whenever you feel unimportant on the set or in life, just remember that there is no other crystal on the chandelier like you...the loss of even one is a tragedy...   
_They gaze up at the chandelier._

**Back in Box Five**   
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Man, that lousy Sarah! Won't be able to sit for a week! (Rubs his sore backside)  
IAN: (Laughs)  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: It's _not funny_, Ian!  
IAN: (Laughs harder)   
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Hey, shut up!  
_They wrestle._   
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Will you knock it off?  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: (Pointing at Ian, who is accidentally gnawing his own hand) Well, _he_ started it!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Look at you guys! No wonder we're pushed in the background of Phans' minds!   
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Man, I _hate_ the background!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Yeah? You know, if it weren't for Gerard Butler, we'd be runnin' the joint!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And man, I _hate_ Gerard!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: So untrained vocally!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And unappreciative!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: And arrogant!  
BOTH: And man is he..._ too handsome for the lead!_

_A blast of green smoke rises._ Michael_ appears on the ledge behind it._  
MICHAEL: (Sarcastically) Oh, surely Mr. Butler isn't all _that_ bad?  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Oh, Michael, it's just you!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Yeah, we were afraid it was somebody important!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, you know, like Lord Webber or something.  
MICHAEL: (Bitterly) I see.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Now _that's_ power!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Tell me about it--I just hear that name and I shudder.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders, pause) Do it again!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders)  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Lord Webber, Lord Webber, Lord Webber!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (Shudders) That tingles me!  
MICHAEL: (Rolls his eyes) I'm _surrounded_ by idiots.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Naw, not you, Michael, I mean, you're one of us, I mean, you're our pal.  
MICHAEL: Charmed.  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Ooooh, I _like_ that! He hasn't done the role for years, but he's still so Phantomy!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah. Hey, did you bring us our next fixings, Michael, old buddy, old pal, huh? Didya didya didya?!  
MICHAEL: I don't think you really deserve this.  
_He holds up manila envelopes marked "Christine Pornography" just over their heads. The_ Phantoms_ on the floor jump to their knees, slobbering and begging like hungry dogs._  
MICHAEL: I practically gift wrapped those two for you, and you couldn't even dispose of _them_.  
_He tosses down the folders and they dive into them, staring lustfully, but the camera does not reveal the contents to the audience!_  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Well, you know, it wasn't exactly like—Holy crap, how'd they get _that_ picture?!—I mean, it wasn't exactly like they was _alone_ Michael.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, what were we supposed to do—hey, Ian, stop looking over my shoulder! Susanna's Christine is _mine!_—kill Sarah Brightman?  
MICHAEL: Heavens, no! She's my Chrissey!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Oh. Well, what, then? Lord Webber?  
MICHAEL: (Grins evilly) Precisely.  
_He jumps down from the ledge. Unseen voices hum. Green smoke rises rhythmically from the ground as he walks._  
MICHAEL: (Sings) I know that your powers of retention  
are as wet as a stage hand's backside,  
but thick as you are, (Knocks a picture from Ian's hand) pay attention!  
My words are a matter of pride.  
It's clear from your vacant expressions,  
the lights are not all on usptairs,  
but we're talking Phantoms and successions—  
even _you_ can't be caught unawares!  
So, prepare for the chance of a lifetime,  
be prepared for sensational news!  
A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer...  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: And where do we feature?  
MICHAEL: Just listen to teacher!  
I know it sounds sordid, but you'll be rewarded  
when at last, I am given my dues  
and injustice deliciously squared.  
Be prepared!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, be prepared, we'll be prepared! For what?   
MICHAEL: For the career death of Andrew!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Why, does he have composer's block?  
MICHAEL: No, fool, we're gonna professionally kill him, and Gerry, too.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Great idea! Who needs a movie?  
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY'S PHANTOMS: No film, no film, la, la, la, la, la, la!   
MICHAEL: _Idiots!_ There will _be_ a film!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: But there's no Phant—.  
MICHAEL: _I_ will be Erik! Stick with me and you'll get to see your Christines again!   
CLAUDE RAINS AND LON CHANEY'S PHANTOMS: Yea! All right!  
_They discuss their plan._

**The Next Day**  
Gerry_ walks with_ Michael_ in a large gorge._  
MICHAEL: Now, you wait here. Your Christine has a marvelous surprise for you.  
GERRY: Ooooh, what is it?  
MICHAEL: If I _told_ you, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?  
GERRY: If you tell me, I'll still act surprised.  
MICHAEL: (Laughs) You are such a naughty boy!  
GERRY: C'mon, Grandpa Michael!  
MICHAEL: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, this is just for you and Emmy—you know, a sort of Phantom Christine bonding...thing. Well, I'd better go get her.  
GERRY: I'll go with you!  
MICHAEL: No! No, just stay here on this rock. You wouldn't want to end up in another mess like you did with the First Two.  
GERRY: You _know_ about that?  
MICHAEL: Gerry, _everybody_ knows about that.  
GERRY: Really?  
MICHAEL: Oh, yes. Lucky somebody was there to save you, eh? Oh, and just Phantom to Phantom, you might want to work on your last "night" in "Music of the Night". It's quite tricky!  
GERRY: Oh. Okay.  
Michael_ turns to leave._  
GERRY: Hey, Grandpa Michael, will I like this surprise?  
MICHAEL: Gerry, it's to _die_ for. (Leaves)  
_Above the gorge, on a grassy plain, thousands of Rentheads congregate._ Lon Chaney's Phantom, Claude Rains' Phantom,_ and_ Ian_ hide in the taller reeds._  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Shut up!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: (Whining, shaking like a deprived addict) I can't _help_ it! They call that a musical? I gotta get my revenge!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: Stay put.  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Look, can't I just...sing a little to a new convert?  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: No! We wait for the signal from Michael...  
IAN: (Points up to a rock ledge where Michael appears)  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: There he is. Let's go...   
_Back with_ Gerry.  
GERRY: It's not _so_ hard, and they'll use a computer, but ah, well, I'll humor him. (Clears throat, sings) Help me make the music of the (Inhales) niiiiight. (Coughs) niight. (Tries again) night—Damn!  
_Back on the plain._  
RENTHEAD: (Spotting something moving in the grass) PHANTOMS!  
RENTHEADS: (Turn and gasp)  
RENTHEAD LEADER: Hey, guys, there's another one down there! (Points at Gerry) And _Phantom_ merchandise everywhere! (Points at posters, mugs, hats, etc, lying in the gorge) Let's get 'em!  
_Down below._  
GERRY: Niiiiiight. (Passes out for two seconds, awakens to the ground trembling)  
_All the Rentheads, carrying torches and gunny sacks, pour over the gorge and begin burning and taking the merchandise prisoner._ Gerry_ gasps, then runs. Thousands of Rentheads pour over the gorge, filling it from wall to wall. The terrified_ Phantom_ runs as fast as he can, but they creep closer and closer. The First Two and_ Ian_ run behind them, snapping at their ankles and making them run faster. Far away at the Opera,_ Meg_ and_ ALW_ stroll the grounds._  
MEG: Oh, look, sire, strange dust clouds over yonder...  
ALW: Odd...   
MICHAEL: (Rushing up to them) Andrew, quick! Stampede--in the gorge! Gerry's down there!  
ALW: Gerry?  
_In the gorge,_ Gerry_ runs for his life. He scrambles up a dead tree and clings to it, just inches above the stampede._ Andrew_ and_ Michael_ gallop down the mountainside while_ Meg_ charges on horseback, searching for_ Gerry.  
GERRY: Meg, help me!  
MEG: Andrew is on the way, hold on!  
GERRY: Hurry!  
Michael_ and_ Andrew_ dash to the edge of the cliff._  
MEG: There, there—on that tree!  
Andrew_ attempts to get_ Gerry_ to safety, but is he himself taken prisoner by the vengeful Rentheads. After the stampede,_ Gerry_ is alone in the gorge._ Michael_ slinks toward him out of the dust._  
MICHAEL: Gerry...what have you done?  
GERRY: There were Rentheads and he...he tried to save me! It was an accident, I didn't mean for it to happen.  
MICHAEL: Of_ course_, of course you didn't. No one ever _means_ for these things to happen. But Lord Webber is gone...and if you had been better trained, the Rentheads might have been frightened away...wait, what will Emmy think?  
GERRY: (Gulps) What am I gonna do?  
MICHAEL: Run away, Gerry. Run. Run away and never return.  
_His eyes wide with fear,_ Gerry_ dashes away.__ The three ghosts sneak up behind_ Michael._ He hands them_ Gerry's_ film contract over his shoulder, without looking at them._  
MICHAEL: Kill him.  
_The three ghosts run to the nearest copy shop and ask to use the paper shredder. They put the contract through it._ Lon_, however, gets too close and the shredder takes his mask, too. Horrified at his Phantom face being exposed, he frantically scoops up the shredded mask. A guy from behind the counter hands him some duct tape. The two other ghosts burst out laughing. They see_ Gerry_ run by._   
CLAUDE: Hey, there he goes, there he goes!  
LON: (Trying to tape his mask back together, to no avail) So, go get him!  
CLAUDE: (Looking at all the shredders, copiers, etc, he'd have to walk by) There ain't no way I'm going through there! What, you want me to come back lookin' like you, Halloween Head?  
LON: (Throws his mask at Claude) But we've gotta finish the job!  
CLAUDE: (Gazing into the _Rent_ set filled distance) Aw, he's as good as history out there, anyway—and _if_ he comes back, we'll use the shredding for a piñata!

**Later that Night, at the Set**  
_The mourning cast and crew gathers around_ Michael.  
MICHAEL: Andrew's kidnapping is a terrible tragedy. But to lose Gerry, who was barely becoming enlightened with the tale...to me, it is a deep, personal loss. So it is with a heavy heart that I reprise the role. Yet out of the ashes of this tragedy, we shall rise, to greet the dawning of a new era in which ghost and mortal come together in a great and _glorious_ future.  
_As he signs the film contract presented him, dozens of spirits enter the set. Meanwhile,_ Madame Giry_ weeps. She glances at movie poster, then, places a piece of tape over_ Gerry's_ image._


	2. Act Two

Gerry_ is lying motionless somewhere in the desert. Vultures fly down, meaning to eat him. Suddenly,_ the Persian_ and his loyal servant,_ Darius,_ come charging towards them. They chase the birds away._  
DARIUS: I love it! Bowling for buzzards!  
THE PERSIAN: Ha, ha, ha! Gets 'em every time!  
DARIUS: (Notices Gerry) Uh oh. Hey, Master, you'd better come look—I think it's still alive.  
THE PERSIAN: Ewwwww! Okay, let's see, what've we got here? (Examines Gerry) Geez, it's a _film actor_! Run, Darius, move it!  
DARIUS: But it's just an _untrained in **singing**_ film actor. Awwwww, look! He's so cute and all alone! Cane we keep him?  
THE PERSIAN: Darius, _are you **nuts**_? You're talking about a Hollywood actor! Hollywood actors _abandon_ guys like us!  
DARIUS: But he's a starving artist.  
THE PERSIAN: They'll fatten him up.  
DARIUS: Maybe he'll be on our side!  
THE PERSIAN: Ha, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard: Maybe he...Hey, I've got it—what if he's on _our_ side? You know, having a guy who has a name in the business around might not be such a bad idea!  
DARIUS: So, we're keepin' him?  
THE PERSIAN: Of course! Who's the brains of this outfit?  
DARIUS: Uhhhh...  
THE PERSIAN: My point exactly. Geez, I'm fried. Let's get out of here and find some shade.

The Persian_ splashes water on_ Gerry's_ face, ruining what little amount of barely-deforming makeup he had on in the first place._  
THE PERSIAN: You okay, kid?  
GERRY: I guess so...  
DARIUS: You nearly _died_!  
THE PERSIAN: I saved ya...well, Darius helped...a little.  
GERRY: Thanks for your help (Starts to walk away).  
THE PERSIAN: Hey, where you goin'?  
GERRY: Nowhere.   
THE PERSIAN: Gee, he looks blue.  
DARIUS: For a man who lives under the Opera, I'd say surprisingly brownish gold!  
THE PERSIAN: No, no, no, I mean, he's depressed.  
DARIUS: Oh. (Catching up to Gerry) Kid, what's eatin' ya?  
THE PERSIAN: Nothing—he's at the top of the _Phantom_ cast food chain! Ha ha ha ha ha, the food chain! (Realizes the joke has flopped) So, where you from?  
GERRY: Who cares? I can't go back.  
THE PERSIAN: Ah, you're an outcast! That's great—so are we!  
DARIUS: What'd ya do, kid?  
GERRY: Somethin' terrible, but I don't want to talk about it.  
THE PERSIAN: Good—we don't wanna hear about it!  
DARIUS: Anything we can do?  
GERRY: Not unless you can change the past.  
DARIUS: You know, kid, in times like this, my master says, "You gotta put your behind in your past,"!  
THE PERSIAN: No, no, no—amateur lie down before you hurt yourself—it's, "You've gotta put your past behind you". Look, kid, bad things happen and you can't do anything about it, right?  
GERRY: Right.  
THE PERSIAN: Wrong! When the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on the world!  
GERRY: Well, that's not what I was taught.   
THE PERSIAN: Then maybe you need a new lesson!

**Six Months Later, at the Movie Set**  
_Everything is going wonderfully well. All the cast and crew are bustling about, but, just one problem—the ghosts aren't to be seen._  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Hey, boss! We got a bone to pick with you!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (To Claude) I'll handle this. (To Michael) Michael, there's no stage time for us, no source of...pleasure... (Clears throat)  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: Yeah, we ain't got no partners to compose music of the night with! (Pouts)  
MICHAEL: It's the _Christines'_ jobs to satisfy you...  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: We know, but they won't _compose_!  
MICHAEL: (Rolls eyes) Oh...go look at those latest pictures I risked my neck for to get for you guys!  
CLAUDE RAINS' PHANTOM: (Whining) But that's not good enough anymore!  
MICHAEL: Get out!  
LON CHANEY'S PHANTOM: (As they're leaving) Yeah, but...we're still _hungry_.   
MICHAEL: _Out!_

**Meanwhile, Somewhere Else, in a Tavern...**  
_A loud belch is heard._  
THE PERSIAN: Whoa...nice one, Gerry!  
GERRY: Thanks. Man, I'm stuffed!   
DARIUS: Me, too. I ate like a pig!  
_They all sigh contently and gaze up at the tavern ceiling at the glittering chandelier above them._  
DARIUS: Master?  
THE PERSIAN: Yeah?  
DARIUS: Ever wonder what those shiny things are for up there?  
THE PERSIAN: Darius, I don't wonder, I know!  
DARIUS: Oh. What are they?  
THE PERSIAN: They sugar cubes...sugar cubes that the bartenders couldn't use in the iced tea!  
DARIUS: Oh, gee...I always thought they were precious gems dug up after forming in the earth for millions of years! Gerry, what do _you_ think?  
GERRY: Well...I don't know.  
_The two begin to beg him to tell his opinion._   
GERRY: Well...somebody once told me that all the people of the world are in them, shining their talents...  
DARIUS: (Awed) Really?  
THE PERSIAN: You mean, that chandelier up there's just an exquisitely expensive metaphor?  
_They burst into laughter. Embarrassed,_ Gerry_ tries to smile and join in, but can't. He gets up and walks outside to a grassy field._  
THE PERSIAN: Was it something I said?  
Gerry_ flops down in despair, flower petals shooting out from under him and being carried away on the wind. Depending on whether or not the viewer is watching the edited or unedited version, the flower petals either sweep behind a black square and continue on or they form the letters **s**, **e**, and **x** for a minute before blowing on. The flowers travel all the way to_ Madame Giry._ She puts them in a bowl and studies them._  
MADAME GIRY: Gerry? He's—he's alive?! He's alive! (Cackles happily) It is time!

Darius_ and_ the Persian_ are randomly dancing through Hollywood's streets._  
THE PERSIAN: (To the tune of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight)

In the Garnier,  
the Opera Garnier,  
the Phantom sleeps tonight!   
In the Garnier,  
the Opera Garnier,  
the Phantom sleeps to—I can't hear ya, Darius, back me up—   
Awheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeee-eeeeee!   
A boom ba bum bo way!  
(Turns and sees Darius is gone) Darius? Darius?  
Darius, _meanwhile, is following a vendor selling muffins. He sees a muffin is about to fall off the cart and, recognizing it to be a banana-flavored muffin, his obvious favorite, he crouches under the cart, ready to catch it, then, looks back over his shoulder at the crowd behind him._  
DARIUS: Master?  
_No reply, so he shrugs and goes on his way. The muffin is just about to fall when suddenly, he spots a young woman in a 19th century dress with a camera and, being terribly camera shy, he runs for his life and she gives chase. _Darius_ gets stuck under a ladder._  
THE PERSIAN: (Running to his aide) What's goin' on?  
DARIUS: _She's gonna shoot me!_  
THE PERSIAN: Huh? (Sees the young woman about to take a picture) Whoa! Geez! (Tries to unstick Darius) They _never_ put me in any versions, and yet I'm always the one who has to run around saving other people's sorry a—Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!  
Gerry_ leaps up behind them and tackles the young woman. They fight, but she eventually pins him to the ground. He stares at her._  
GERRY: Emmy?  
_She backs away, confused._  
GERRY: Is it really you?  
EMMY: Who are you?  
GERRY: It's me—Gerry.  
EMMY: Gerry?  
_He nods eagerly. The greetings that follow are enthusiastic and overlapping._  
THE PERSIAN: Hey, what's goin' on here?  
GERRY: (To Emmy) What are you doing here?  
EMMY: What do you mean, what am I doing here--what are _you_ doing here?   
THE PERSIAN: _**Hey**! What's goin' on here?!_  
GERRY: Daroga, this is Emmy. She's my best friend!  
THE PERSIAN: Friend?   
GERRY: Yeah! Hey, Darius, come over here!  
Darius_ finally manages to get himself unstuck._  
GERRY: Emmy, this is Darius. Darius, Emmy.  
DARIUS: Pleased to make your acquaintance!  
EMMY: The pleasure's all mine.  
THE PERSIAN: How do you do. Whoa, whoa, time out, let me get this straight: You know her, she knows you, but she wants to photograph him...and everybody's okay with this? _Did I miss something?!_  
GERRY: Relax, Daroga!  
EMMY: Wait till everyone finds out you've been here all this time...and Joel! What will _he_ think?  
GERRY: He doesn't have to know. Nobody has to know.  
EMMY: Well, of course they do--everyone thinks you've been kidnapped.  
GERRY: They do?  
EMMY: Yeah. Michael told us about the stampede.  
GERRY: He did? What else did he tell you?   
EMMY: What else matters? You're a free man...and that means...you're the Phantom!  
THE PERSIAN: Phantom? Lady, have you got _your_ actors crossed!  
DARIUS: (In awe) The Phantom? Actor following in the footsteps of the great Lon Chaney, of Michael Crawford, I gravel at your feet! (Kisses Gerry's shoe)  
GERRY: (Pulls away and wipes off shoe) Stop it!  
THE PERSIAN: It's not _gravel_, it's _grovel_, and don't, he's not the Phantom...are you?  
GERRY: No.  
EMMY: Gerry?  
GERRY: No, I'm not the Phantom. Maybe I was gonna be, but, that was a long time ago...  
THE PERSIAN: Let me get this straight—you're the Phantom? And you never told us?  
GERRY: Look, I'm still the same guy.  
THE PERSIAN: But with _musical genius_!  
EMMY: Could you guys excuse us for a few minutes?  
THE PERSIAN: Hey, whatever she has to say, she can say in front of us, right, Gerry?  
GERRY: Ummm...maybe you'd better go.  
_They stare at him, flabbergasted._  
THE PERSIAN: It _starts_. Ya _think_ ya know a guy...  
_They leave in a huff._  
GERRY: Daroga and Darius...not in many versions, but ya learn to love 'em.  
Emmy_ hangs her head sadly._  
GERRY: What? What is it?  
EMMY: It's like you're back from the dead...you don't realize how much this will mean to everyone...what it means to me.  
GERRY: Hey, it's okay.  
EMMY: (Nuzzling him under the chin) I've really missed you.   
GERRY: (Nuzzling her back) I've missed you, too.  
Daroga_ and_ Darius_ spy on them._  
DAROGA: I tell ya, Darius, this is just **_wrong_**.  
DARIUS: (Playing with a pink teddy bear, not paying attention) Oh, sorry.  
DAROGA: Not _you, them_! Him, her..._ alone_.  
DARIUS: (Sheepishly) They're getting into character?

**Later**  
Gerry_ and_ Emmy_ stroll the streets at sunset._  
GERRY: Isn't this a great place?  
EMMY: It is beautiful...but I don't understand something...you've been alive all this time. Why didn't you come back to the _Phantom_ set?  
GERRY: Well...I just needed to get out on my own, live my own life, and I did, and it's great!  
EMMY: We've really needed you at home...  
GERRY: No one needs me.   
EMMY: Yes, we do! You're the Phantom!  
GERRY: Emmy, we've been through this: I'm not the Phantom--Michael is.  
EMMY: Gerry, he let the spirits take over the film production.  
GERRY: What?   
EMMY: Everything's destroyed—the cast has talent but is older, many have actually read the book...Gerry, if you don't do something soon, Joel's intention for the film will uncorrupt itself!  
GERRY: I can't go back.  
EMMY: Why?  
GERRY: You wouldn't understand...  
EMMY: What wouldn't I understand?  
GERRY: No, no, no, it doesn't matter—Hakuna matata.  
EMMY: How can you quote Disney films at a time like this?  
GERRY: Look, sometimes bad things happen...and there's nothing you can do about it! So, why worry?  
EMMY: Because it's your responsibility!  
GERRY: Well, what about you, you left?  
EMMY: I left to find help, and I found you. Don't you understand? You are our only hope.  
GERRY: Sorry.   
EMMY: What's happened to you? You're not the Gerry I remember.   
GERRY: You're right, I'm not. Now are you satisfied?  
EMMY: No, just disappointed.  
GERRY: You know something, you're starting to sound like Sarah.  
EMMY: Good... (Pause) What am I saying? _The film change is getting to me, too! Aaaaah!_  
GERRY: (Whirls to face her, angrily) Listen, you think you can just show up and tell me how to work my career? People who already know _Phantom_ don't want me in this role, anyway!  
EMMY: Maybe your performance would surprise them!  
GERRY: It won't because they're not getting one!   
EMMY: Fine!

**Later**  
GERRY: (Pacing) She's wrong, I can't go back...What would it prove, anyway, it won't change anything...You can't change the past...  
_He comes upon a light fixture store and sees a huge chandelier glowing in the display window. He looks up at it._  
GERRY: (Shouting at the chandelier) You said you'd always be there for me! (Pause) But you're not...and it's because of me. It's my fault...it's my...fault...  
_Helpless, he bows his head and sobs._ _He suddenly stops and glances over his shoulder and sees_ Madame Giry_ practicing ballet. He rolls his eyes in an annoyed scowl and walks away. She follows him and starts dancing in front of him, acting as if he isn't there._  
GERRY: Come on, will ya cut it out?  
MADAME GIRY: Can't cut it out—it's great fun!  
Gerry_ walks away yet again and she follows._   
GERRY: Will you stop following me? Who are you?  
MADAME GIRY: The question is...who...are _you_?  
GERRY: I thought I knew. Now I'm not so sure...  
MADAME GIRY: Well, _I_ know who you are—you're the Phantom of the Opera!  
GERRY: Will everybody quit saying that? I'm _not_ the fking Phantom!   
MADAME GIRY: Wrong again! Yes, you are! Andrew will prove it to you.  
GERRY: But he was kidnapped by the—.  
MADAME GIRY: You follow old Madame Giry, she knows the way. Come on!  
_She leads him through the streets and they come to stop and the half-built set for_ Rent.  
MADAME GIRY: Be careful...he's in there...   
_After an inspirational visit from_ ALW, Gerry_ is left bewildered and frightened._  
GERRY: I know what I have to do, but, going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long. (Is hit on the head with Madame Giry's walking stick) Ow! Geez, what was that for?  
MADAME GIRY: It doesn't matter! It's in the past!  
GERRY: Yeah, but it still hurts.   
MADAME GIRY: Oh, yes, the past _can_ hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run _from it_, or, learn from it. (Tries to hit him again and he ducks) Ha! You see? So, what are you going to do?  
GERRY: First...I'm gonna take your stick! (Grabs it and throws it)  
MADAME GIRY: (Picking it up) No, no, no, no, not my stick! (Sees Gerry leaving) Hey, where are you going?  
GERRY: I'm going back!  
Madame Giry_ cheers._

**The Next Morning**  
MADAME GIRY: (To Darius, Daroga, and Emmy) You won't find him here! The Phantom has returned.  
EMMY: I can't believe it...he's gone back!  
DAROGA: Gone back? What d'ya mean? Hey, what's goin' on here? Who's the old lady?  
EMMY: Gerry's gone back to challenge Michael!  
DAROGA: Who?  
EMMY: Michael.  
DARIUS: As in _Michael_ Michael?  
EMMY: No, no, no, Michael _Crawford_.   
DAROGA: But that's _Michael_ Michael, isn't it?  
EMMY: Just listen up! Gerry's gone back to challenge Michael Crawford to take his place as Phantom.  
DARIUS AND DAROGA: (After a pause) Ooooooh!

Gerry_ and_ Emmy_ have arrived at the film set, sending_ Daroga_ and_ Darius_ to distract the ghosts._  
GERRY: Emmy, you find Meg and rally the rest of the cast. I'll look for Michael.  
_They split up. He spots_ Michael_ sitting in the huge black throne the Phantom has in the stage show and hides to watch him._   
MICHAEL: (Calling out over the set) _Meg Giry!_  
Meg_ appears._  
MEG: Yes, Michael?  
MICHAEL: Where is your section of the cast book club? They're _not_ doing their jobs.   
MEG: Michael, it's no use—we don't care about the book. We're not reading any more of it.  
MICHAEL: No! You're just not analyzing it hard enough!  
MEG: It's over—we refuse to read. We have only one choice—we must read the cliffnotes.  
MICHAEL: You're not reading that.  
MEG: Then you have sentenced us to ignorance!  
MICHAEL: Then so be it!  
MEG: You can't do that.   
MICHAEL: I am the Phantom—I can do whatever I want!  
MEG: If you were _half_ the Phantom Gerry Butler was, you'd—.   
MICHAEL: _I am **ten times** the Phantom Gerry was!_   
_Terrified at his outburst,_ Meg_ faints._ Gerry_ rushes in._  
MICHAEL: Gerry? No—you were exiled!  
MEG: (Awakening) Gerry—you're alive? How can that be?  
GERRY: It doesn't matter—I'm back. (Turns to Michael) And Michael, I must say, I'm a little surprised to see you. (Takes off his mask and shows his "deformity" just to annoy him)  
MICHAEL: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't rip you apart!  
GERRY: No, Michael, you must understand--the pressures of playing the Phantom...   
MICHAEL: Are no longer yours. Step down, Gerry.  
GERRY: Oh, well, I would, but there is one little problem. You see them? (Gestures to the artistic team, particularly Joel) They think _I'm_ Phantom.  
PATRICK WILSON: (Appearing with the rest of the cast) Well, we don't. Michael's the rightful Phantom.  
GERRY: You traitors!  
MICHAEL: The choice is yours, Gerry--either step down, or fight.  
GERRY: Oh, must this all end in violence? I'd _hate_ to be responsible for the dethronement of a colleague. Wouldn't you agree, Michael?  
MICHAEL: That's not gonna work, Gerry. I've put it behind me.  
GERRY: Yes, but what about your faithful subjects? Have _they_ put it behind _them_?  
EMMY: Michael, what is he talking about?  
GERRY: Ah, so you _haven't_ told them your little secret. Well, Michael, now's your chance to tell them. Tell them who is responsible for _Andrew's **kidnapping**_   
_The cast and crew stare at_ Michael_ in disbelief._  
MICHAEL: I am.  
_They gasp._ Sarah_ comes forward._  
SARAH: (In a hoarse whisper) It's not true...tell me it's not true,  
MICHAEL: It's true.  
GERRY: You see? He admits it!  
MICHAEL: No—it was just in a jealous rage!  
GERRY: If it weren't for you, Andrew would still be here! It's _your_ fault he's gone. Do you deny it?  
MICHAEL: No.  
GERRY: Then you're guilty!  
MICHAEL: No!  
GERRY: No, Michael, you're in trouble again. But unfortunately, no one is here to save you...and now _everyone knows **why**_!  
Michael_ slips over the railing of Box Five, barely hanging on._  
GERRY: Now, _this_ looks familiar. Hmmm, where have I seen this before? Let me think...oh, yes, I remember! This is exactly how I looked in a...certain 'accident'...  
Michael_ slips a few more inches, nearly falling, but_ Gerry_ grabs him by the arms._  
GERRY: And here's _my_ little secret: (Whispers in his ear) I..._ knew_ about the stampede...  
_He lets go, expecting_ Michael_ to fall, but he leaps up and tackles him to the ground._  
MICHAEL: So, it's _your_ fault! Tell them the truth!  
GERRY: All right...I knew...  
MICHAEL: So they can **hear** you.  
GERRY: I….knew about...the stampede beforehand!  
_A battle ensues._ Michael_ emerges victorious._  
LON CHANEY: (Placing his cape over Michael's shoulders) It is time.  
Michael_ climbs the stairs to Box Five with slow, majestic steps. Everyone watches in wonder as he take his rightful place sitting in the black throne. He gazes up at the twinkling chandelier above, then, tosses his fedora in the air triumphantly with a joyous, maniacal laugh. Everyone erupts in cheers._

_Now, the stage lights come up and the curtain rises as the performance finishes. The audience gives a standing ovation as _Michael _and_ Sarah_, in their designated roles, smile and wave to the crowd._

FULL COMPANY: (Sings) Till we find our place

on the path unwinding

_The two step aside and_ Howard McGillin_, dressed as the Phantom, emerges and _Sarah_ hands him a bouquet of flowers._

FULL COMPANY: (Sings) In the circle, the circle of life!

Circle of life!

Michael_ and _Howard_ embrace, our view pulls back and we see we are viewing the January 9th, record-breaking performance. An end title reads_ The Phantom King.


End file.

Phantom of the Opera, Parody