Harry Potter Bloody Boggarts

**Just an idea of what Lily Potter might be like. And such. Ages/grades:  
James Potter - Seventh Year  
Albus Potter - Sixth Year  
Lily Potter - Fourth Year**

**Rose Weasley - Sixth Year  
Hugo Weasley - Fourth Year**

Scorpius Malfoy - Sixth Year

**Lysander & Lorcan (Luna Lovegood's twins) - Fourth Year**

**Roxanne (George's daughter) - Fifth Year**

**Domonique (Bill and Fleur's second daughter) - Sixth Year**

**Teddy, Victoire - Graduated**

**If I've left anyone out, feel free to ask about them!**

It all started with the bloody boggart. I know, being a fourth year and having dealt with them last year, the little bugger shouldn't have surprised me. However, I am not at my best in the mornings.

Alright, that's an understatement. I'm basically a zombie in the mornings. What can I say?

But, I'm getting sidetracked.

By "it", I of course mean my rotten day. It has to be impossible to have a good day after having a boggart jump out at you from a broom closet on your way to breakfast.

I let out a (rather loud, I'm embarrassed to say) shriek as a horde of ants raced from the closet towards my very vulnerable legs. I am not a morning person, as I previously mentioned. In fact, I believe that there is absolutely no reason to have to get up before noon most days. So, rather than logically think through the fact that Hogwarts is the _least_ likely place to have an ant infestation, I ran from them. Shrieking like a little girl, might I add.

"Oof!" I knocked into a rather hard body, sending both of us sprawling to the ground. I immediately jumped to my feet, searching for the little buggers that had sent me sprinting through the corridor. Instead, some strange half-ant morphing thing writhed before me.

"Ridikulus." A calm voice murmured by my ear. It immediately fell to the ground, squirming under the weight of an imaginary rock three times its size.

"Thank you." I turned to look at the smirking face of Scorpius Malfoy. What was a bad day became immediately worse. A Malfoy just rescued me from a bloody boggart. Fantastic.

"I didn't realize Potters were terrified by ants." He had difficulty keeping his composure, but the smug bastard kept his self-satisfied smirk in place. I examined him, and was irritated to find that he was actually rather attractive. I had avoided him over the last four years, mostly due to the whole "Potter-Malfoy hate" thing we have going on between our families. His blue eyes cut into my own, bright and intelligent. As annoying as it was, that smirk was so damn attractive. I remembered the hard body I had slammed into.

It was so unfair to have an attractive savior slash family enemy.

"I didn't realize the Malfoys helped Potters." I replied.

"Hate is just a stereotype." He shrugged as more Gryffindors walked down the hall. Rather than just glare and turn away (like any sane, awake person would have done in order to save face), I was intrigued.

"You don't hate us?" I raised an eyebrow.

"I never said that, Fire Crotch." He rolled his eyes as I turned bright red. "Just saying that you can't have expectations about people before you even talk to them."

"You did help me though." I pointed out.

"I helped you stop a boggart." He sniggered. "You weren't even in danger, Potter. Maybe I only did it so I could tell all the Slytherins that little Potter can't even fend off a fake army of ants by herself."

"Like I care what those idiots think of me." I replied with as much dignity as I could muster. "If you'll excuse me, I'm leaving."

And promptly tripped over the hem of my robe, landing on my face in the middle of the corridor.

So much for dignity.

Doing my best to ignore Malfoy's laughter, I practically ran to breakfast. Trying to hide my stupid blush. I really wish I hadn't inherited my mum's habit of turning red at any freaking emotion.

"What was that about?" Rose asked as she sat down beside me.

"What was what about?" I replied.

"You know. The whole talking to Scorpius Malfoy in the middle of the hall." She raised an eyebrow. "It looked like the two of you were actually being civil to one another."

"Uh…" I paused, trying to decide if admitting my extreme embarrassment was worth keeping the family from thinking of me as a total traitor. It was a pretty easy decision. "Nothing. I wasn't talking to him. We were just standing in the hall conveniently near each other."

"Hugo _saw_ it." Rose countered. "And he said he heard you thank him."

"I did no such thing." I lied.

"So you were talking to him!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"Who was Lily talking to?" Albus sat on the other side of Rose.

"Scorpius Malfoy!" Rose shuddered. "And they were being civil to each other. It's bloody strange."

"Lily, I'm… Well, I can't even think of a good word for what I feel right now." Albus frowned. "Do I have to remind you that he is a Malfoy?"

"I wasn't talking to him!" I insisted.

"She so was." Hugo said cheerfully as he sat on my other side. "She thanked him, and then they were talking about hate and boggarts."

"You little creep!" I glared at him. "Didn't Aunt Hermione ever teach you not to eavesdrop?"

"Yeah, but Uncle George pretty much ruined that lesson." He smirked.

"As fun as it is to yell at Hugo, can we please focus on the slightly more important fact that Lily was having a casual conversation with a Malfoy?" Rose cried out in exasperation.

"Lily was doing what?" James paused as he walked by to sit with his friends. He waved at them, and sat instead with us.

"Talking to Malfoy." Albus filled him. "She apparently thanked him for something."

"I did not!" I moaned.

"Lily, what in bloody hell were you thinking?" James ignored my protest as if I hadn't spoken. "I mean, he's a-"

"Malfoy." I finished dryly. "Really, I think we've established his surname well enough by this point. We weren't talking. We were just standing in the middle of a corridor. Conveniently near one another. The end."

"You're a terrible liar." Roxanne laughed from across the table. "My mum and dad would be ashamed of you."

"I hardly think that Uncle George cares who I talk to." I grumbled.

"So you were talking to him!" My cousin crowed.

"What were you doing talking to him?" James asked once more. I glared at him.

"We were not talking." I snapped.

"Were so." Hugo snickered.

"Hugo, I am going to-"

"Why are you all fighting?" Lysander, a Hufflepuff and the daughter of Luna Lovegood, paused as she walked past.

"Lily talked to a Malfoy. Casually. They were nice to each other." Hugo supplied.

"Oh." She stared at me curiously.

"No, I didn't-"

"Lily, I always knew you had poor judgment, but a Malfoy? Isn't that a little extreme?" Albus shuddered.

I decided to focus on my toast as they continued to badger me with questions and accusations. My family seems to be made up of morning people, which is completely beyond me. After about five more minutes of intense questioning (and me ignoring said questioning), my temper got the best of me.

"Shut up!" I growled out.

They ignored me.

"Lily, why were you talking to him? Seriously?" Rose stared at me.

"Because we're secretly dating." I snapped, effectively silencing my entire family in four words. "Yeah, we're in love. We've been dating since my second year, when he asked me out under the bloody Whomping Willow."

Six pale and confused faces stared at me.

I threw my toast at my plate and stormed out of the Great Hall.

I am known for making dramatic exits from meals frequently, by the way. I really would like to enjoy at least one week without making a spectacle out of myself at mealtime. Maybe this year will be different.

I doubt it. It was only the fourth day, and I had already made a complete fool of myself in less than an hour.

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have said that exact thing. In front of Lysander especially.

How, you may ask, have I come to this conclusion? Well, it was actually later in Herbology that the exact problems with my proclamation hit me.

"I can't believe you're dating Scorpius Malfoy." Hugo shuddered as we worked under Professor Longbottom's careful gaze. "Absolutely disgusting."

"Shut up, Hugo." I huffed. I had hoped they would realize it was a joke. Honestly, how do you ask someone out under the Whomping Willow? It seemed he was taking it rather seriously.

"He is right." Lysander offered from the other side of the table. She and her twin brother, Lorcan, worked quietly most of the time. "A Potter dating a Malfoy is rather unusual."

"She's dating Scorpius?" Lorcan looked at her curiously. "Interesting match, Lily."

"Shut up."

Professor Longbottom shot us a warning look that basically said "get to work, or I'll give you a detention". It's really irritating when he does that. I want to remind him that I've seen him drunk off Firewhiskey with my father every time he does it.

"James wrote Uncle Harry." Hugo whispered. "Your brothers are horrified."

"I don't see how it's any of their business what I do and who I do it with."

He paled.

"Lily… You haven't… I mean, not with Malfoy…" He spluttered.

"What are you talking about?" I was utterly bewildered.

"I mean, that's the worst possible thing you could have done." He continued. "Dating him is one thing, and it's a bloody horrible thing at that. But to do… that…. with a Malfoy…"

I blushed when I realized what he was thinking.

"What? Hugo, you can't possibly-"

"Potter, Weasley!" Professor Longbottom called out as a warning.

"Sorry sir." We muttered in unison.

"Lily, Lils, please… You didn't, right?"

He was so bloody irritating.

"And if I did?"

The horror was written across his face.

"Oh, God, Lily! How could you?"

"I never said I did!"

"You might as well have." Lorcan pointed out in amusement.

"But, we never-" I groaned as I realized Hugo was most definitely freaking out.

"Lily, that is absolutely disgusting! And do you even realize the risks? You could have a gross little Potter-Malfoy hybrid!" Hugo moaned.

"I am." I snapped, fed up with him.

"W-What?" He stared at me. Lysander and Lorcan looked rather curious as well.

"I am. I'm pregnant." I declared, unaware of how silent the greenhouse had become. "Yes, I'm actually planning on asking Professor McGonagall if I can transfer to Slytherin due to the situation. Or perhaps I'll drop out. After all, Scorpius graduates in just two years, including this one of course. When he does, we will get married in Hogsmeade and perhaps go get the Dark Mark branded on our forearms, just for fun. Then, I suppose we'll have seven or so more children and spend the rest of our lives looking for a way to resurrect the Dark Lord."

All in all, the entire classroom looked rather horrified. Professor Longbottom seemed unable to decide between laughing or punishing me. After a few moments of an incredibly awkward silence (in which I silently berated myself for making a fool of myself yet again), he spoke.

"Lily… Highly inappropriate." He groaned.

"I know." I smiled weakly, and decided to try to save myself. "But think of how adorable my children will be!"

And that was how I got a detention on my fourth day at Hogwarts. It really wasn't fair though. Professor Longbottom was laughing for a good five minutes before he managed to assign me detention.

"Lily… You're joking, right?" Hugo managed to gasp.

I ignored him, having decided he could bloody well figure it out on his own. Luckily, he showed some sign of human intelligence.

"Thank God." He breathed out.

Another warning look from Professor Longbottom had us begin our work once more.

Despite the fact that Hugo now knew I was kidding, word got around rather fast. And rumors of course exaggerated everything. By dinner, I was debating whether it would be easier to transfer schools or just drop out and try to be a muggle.

"Lily, we have to talk." Rose greeted me breathlessly the second I stepped into the Great Hall. "Is it true?"

"What are you talking about?" I decided that playing dumb was probably less incriminating than immediately denying it.

"That you're… Uh…" She glanced down at my stomach. "Well, there's a lot of stuff going around… Honestly, I don't even know when you would have had the time to, uh, do those activities with Malfoy and hide a pregnancy all summer, but…"

"Summer's only three months long." I pointed out cheerfully. She paled. Having effectively shut her up, I practically skipped to my usual spot at the table.

After a very long and very awkward dinner, I decided that returning to the Common Room would probably be a very bad idea. I could only imagine the annoying questioning that would await me there. Instead, I decided to go hide in the library.

I should have known that there is no way for me to have a good idea.

"So, Potter, you're pregnant with my child?" A silky voice interrupted my walk. I glanced up to see an extremely amused Scorpius walking beside me. "When were you planning on informing me of this?"

"I was just mad at my idiot cousin." I mumbled awkwardly, halfway between hating him and enjoying the fact that he at least knew I was joking. "It shut him up."

"I've heard lots of things." He laughed. I decided he had a nice laugh. "We are secretly Death Eaters, and have found a way to resurrect Voldemort. Did you know that?"

"No, actually." I smiled a little.

"Also, we performed a Soul Bonding ceremony in the bathroom. Moaning Myrtle was our witness, despite the fact that such a ceremony is rather outdated." He grinned at me, as if we were conspirators.

"News to me." I grinned now. "I heard we're dropping out together to try to live as muggles."

"Oh, that's a good one." He chuckled softly. "Lily Potter, you aren't very good at being low-key."

"Yeah." I shrugged. "I basically embarrass myself every day, though I'm proud to say I only incite the whole school's attention once or twice a month."

"Even the headmaster took me aside to ask if any of it was true."

"What did you tell her?" I paled. I knew Professor McGonagall had a regular correspondence with my parents, and my aunts and uncles.

"I told her that if it was, it certainly wouldn't involve her." He smirked. "She was rather taken aback. I think she believes some of it."

"Fantastic." I sighed.

"You shouldn't start rumors if you don't want people to believe them, Lily."

"I'll try to keep that in mind next time I decide to tell my cousin I'm pregnant." I rubbed my temple. "I need to control my temper."

"Yes, you do." He laughed.

"People will figure it out when I never get fat." I shrugged.

"Whatever you want to think, Fire Crotch." He snickered.

"Do you have to call me that?"

"Well, seeing as you're pregnant with my child, I like to think I can call you what I want." He blinked innocently at me. After a moment's pause, we burst out laughing. "Where are you going anyway?"

"I was planning on hiding out in the library for the rest of my life." I shrugged. "What about you? Just following around innocent fourth years?"

"I hardly think _you're_ innocent, Potter." He rolled his eyes. "You're the one that convinced over half the school that we're Death Eaters and you _are_ carrying our devil spawn."

"Don't call our child devil spawn!" I teased.

"There may be hope for you yet, Potter." He snickered.

"You avoided my question." I pointed out lightly. "What are you doing? Everyone else is heading back to their common rooms."

"How do you know the Slytherin common room isn't this way?" He raised an eyebrow.

"My dad told me where it is, so I could avoid running into Slytherins like you." I smirked. "What, you thought the hate was one-sided?"

"Not quite, Potter." He grinned.

"You're terrible at changing the subject." I smirked.

"If you must know," He paused to murmur something about "nosy little Potter brats" under his breath, "I was only walking this way to confront you about these rumors."

"Oh."

We walked in silence.

"Well, you've done that now."

"I know."

We continued to walk.

"Well, Fire Crotch, I think I'm off to do Slytherin things." He smirked at me. "Try to keep your legs closed, will you? I'd hate to have doubt cast on the paternity of my child."

"You're hilarious." I glared at the Slytherin as he sauntered away. Admittedly, I was feeling somewhat… conflicted. On the one hand, he was incredibly good looking. On the other, he was an infuriating asshole.

I slipped on a wet patch in the hall, and heard his laughter following me.

Okay, I hated him.

* * *


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance