Final Fantasy VII Same old Days, just a different Cid

Same Old Days, Just a different Cid.  
  
  
Cid Highwind was running, because getting pounced upon by the several thousand monsters that were following him didn't seem to be the best of things.   
  
"Dammit! Where's the #@%!@$# Highwind?!" He wondered as he narrowly dod ged a claw that was aimed in his general direction. He took a second to stab back with his Venus Gospel, which was already stained red. The unlucky monster reared back in pain as Cid continued his flight.   
  
His frantic escape had begun in a forest, and had most recently passed through an open plain. However, that was quickly leading into a canyon. Not that Cid noticed that, until he ran smack dab into the dead  
end of the canyon. Bones of other beings surrounded him, and Cid realized where he was.   
  
"Great... The monster graveyard... why Did I have to come here?" He pondered as the legions of monsters began to close in. He loosed a few spells on the horde, but that did little to stem the tide. As they came closer he used his spear to discourage any Cid-butchering they would like to engage in. "Eventually these !@$$!#!@ fiends are gonna wear me down..." He muttered as he sent yet another monster to meet their Hojo.  
  
However, In the middle of the blood and death, the noise of a rocket engine could be heard. The highwind  
flew over the scene and Cid smiled. A rope ladder was lowered to him, and he vaulted off a rock and grabbed onto it. He smiled as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a stick of dynamite. He lit it off his cigarette and dropped it in to a pile of monsters.  
  
"So long suckers!" He said as an explosion rocked the landscape. He began to climb the ladder, and after reaching the top he began to pull the ladder back into the airship. When it reached the top, a monster  
that had grabbed on made his presence known by growling at Cid. "Don't forget to write." Cid replied as he cut the ladder off and shoved the monster out of the airship.   
  
Cid walked up to the cockpit to thank his savior. He opened the door to see a single figure at the controls. "I hope I wasn't too slow this time Captain." The woman said as he entered. "Nah Shera.... you did good." Cid replied as he took a seat on a nearby chair and began to recover. Shera turned to him and smiled. "Thank you sir." Cid stood up and walked over to h er. "Shera.... I love you....." He said. All of the sudden, he got a good look at her. "Wait, You're not Shera! You're an imposter!" He shouted. "You figured it out Cid, now Die!" With that the impostor pulled out a rather large gun and decorated the cockpit of the Highwind with A grey, brainish color.  
  
At the Highwind abode, a rather large thud came from one of the bedrooms. Cid Highwind rose off the  
floor and grumbled. He dressed in his usual flight jacket and white t-shirt combination. He slid on his pants and shoes, and then went out into the kitchen.  
  
"Morning sir? Did you sleep well?" Shera asked as she placed a plate of Eggs, and corned beef hash. "No, I didn't." He replied as he got a good look at her. "I had a !~@#! horrible nightmare. Tea ready? " Shera pulled a tea bag out of a cup, then handed it to him. Cid gulped down both the tea and his breakfast, then he  
grabbed a nearby tool belt. "I'm gonna be tunin' up the Highwind. I don't want to be disturbed." Cid said. "Understood Captain." Shera replied as he walked out the door.  
  
When he was at a sufficent distance away, Shera began to laugh. It wasn't a regular funny laugh, It was a laugh a maniacal villian might use. She flipped over the label of the tea and smiled. "Ultimate Tea. Blended by the Agents of FPS." She read. Her eyes fluttered down to her favorite part of the beverage.  
"Warning, this tea has been known to cause extreme paranoia, spontaneous generation of new limbs. Or other Interesting symptoms." She finished as she threw the bag out . However, the one part she didn't read was in real, real tiny letters along the bottom. "Warning, Users that combine this tea with any of the following things have been known to have really funky effects: Nicotine, Caffene, Nanomachines, Booze. These include: Spontanious combustion and or Spotaneous Gender Reversal. If spilled on demon skin, seek medical attention."  
  
Cid meanwhile, was working on the port engine of the Highwind. He had just finished checking out the injector assembly and went to look at the blast chamber.   
  
"Hmm, Blast chamber's clean. What now?" After saying this he heard a clank  
from the area of the injector assembly. "Blasted @#%!@#% assembly. I've fixed that thing so many times that I know it's the intake valve that just fell off." He muttered as he walked through the room. Suddenly he felt quite hot, so he took off his flight jacket and sighed. Beads of sweat ran over his broad shoulders, and it  
seemed that his body had taken on a light glow. When he reached the assembly, his concerns were confirmed. "I knew it... the stupid valve fell off." As he bentdown to pick up the piece, he had to do a double take. Apparently some hair had fallen into his face, A few long, blond strands fell toward the ground, and Cid spun around.   
  
"Who the !$@! # is there?" He shouted, but got no reply. The strands of hair disappeared, so Cid grumbled and bent down to pick up the Valve. This time, a lot more hair fell down into his face, and he noticed something else. His chest had grown. "This can't be !@#$@!#$ @!#$ happening....." He said as he pinched the new growth. He not only realized that the growth was real, he also found out that he wasn't sleeping. He picked up his jacket and tried to put it on, but it didn't fit as well as it used to.   
  
Cid went out to th e body of the airship, then walked to the Conference room. Luckily the guy who had nothing better to do but stand there had been given a vaction, so the room was empty. Cid walked over to the mirror and began to swear. His hair had grown a few feet, and he had shrunk a few inches. The most profound change was the fact that he was no longer a he. He was a she.   
  
"How the @#%@#%^!@~$^~^$~@#$#@! did this happen?" Cid wondered as she admired herself in the mirror. "Even as a woman... I'm dead sexy!" She thought as she turned around a few times. "But I don't want to be found looking like this. I need to enlist someone's help to get this gone. Cloud and Barret would laugh at me, or not believe me in any way, shape, or form. Yuffie....... Hells no! Perhaps Red.... Yeah, I'll go see the fuzzball." Cid said as she went to get off the Highwind.   
  
"Ohhhhhhh Captain!!!!" Shera's voice said as she came out into the backyard. "Oh crap!" Cid thought as she headed into the cockpit. She locked the door with a simple four symbol combination. Shera came into the craft and looked around. "Cappppttaaaaiiiiinn! Where are you?" She asked as she looked around. She  
saw a red light above the cockpit, signifying that it was locked, so she went towards the door. "Are you in there captain? " She asked as she knocked on the door. Cid freaked out, she didn't want Shera to see her like this, because she'd never hear the end of it. She panicked as Shera began putting in a combination. There  
were only four symbols, and only one was repeated twice , so Cid didn't have much time.   
  
Luckily Cid realised that a few days ago, the male Cid had installed an escape hatch in the Highwind, so he could get away from any thing that happened to invade his airship. She walked over and opened the hatch, then jumped to the ground. She made a beeline for the newly repaired Tiny Bronco. She hopped inside just as Shera entered the cockpit of the Highwind.   
  
"Drat! Cid must be afraid of me." Shera said as she watched the tiny bronco take off and fly away. Shera started up the Highwind, however a panel began to beep.  
"Warning, Port engine Injector assembly disabled. Current thrust avalable is 25%." The computer said. "Aww... crud!" Shera went as she took off. The smaller Bronco would be hard to catch now, but Shera plotted a course for Midgar, as that would be the most likely place for Cid to head now.  
  
Cid meanwhile, had reached the outskirts of Cosmo Canyon. He landed the plane on a grassy area outside the town and began the trek to the mountainous area. "Stupid !~#@$~@#! $ Red... Why can't he get the helipad put in like I asked him to?" Cid wondered as she climbed up the hills. She passed a nearby forest and heard a growl from inside of it. Four large bugs emerged and looked hungrily at Cid. "You monsters picked the wrong pilot to mess with!" Cid yelled as she began to cast a spell. A few seconds later and a large dragon appeared in Cid's place and turned the offending bugs into crispy critters. Cid reappeared and smiled. "Bahamut.... Kills bugs....dead." However, she had failed to notice the last bug sneak up behind her and jam it's probiscus into her back.  
"!~$@#%#@%^@#$&$%*%#^@&%@#^" Cid yelled as she attempted to remove the bug. Unfortunately, the bug had picked a point on her back that It couldn't be easily removed. Cid flailed randomly, but it was to no avail. Soon, she fell down, and all went dark.   
  
Meanwhile, Shera had reached the City of Midgar and headed towards Reeve-Co. With Cait's share of the Gil they had earned from Smishing monsters, Reeve had bought up all of Shin-ra and converted it  
into a good company. Shera entered the building and headed towards the thirtith floor. She stepped off of the elevator and arrived at her destination.   
  
  
"Office of Cloud Strife. Vice President of Security..." Shera said as she opened the door. Tifa was sitting at her desk, filing her nails. "Hey there Tifa, How's it going?" Shera asked. "Great! Ever since I married Cloud, My life has been going wonderfully!" Tifa replied with a little smile on her face. Shera smiled back. "Cloud In?" She asked. "Sure... Do you have an appointment?" Tifa replied. "Cid's gone missing... I wondered of He had come here." Tifa shook her head. "Sorry Shera, but mabye Cloud saw him..." Tifa reached down and pressed a button, and the door to Cloud's office opened. "Thanks Tifa." Shera said as she went in   
  
Back at Cosmo, Cid woke up in a bed at the inn. "Unghh... I gotta lay off those Meteor Margaritas... whatta nightmare." Cid began as the covers slid off. "Wait... It wasn't a !@#$!@# nightmare?"  
She asked as she observed herself. She also notic ed that there were several others in the room. "She is awake! Go fetch Nanaki!" One said. A few minutes later and a lion-type thing entered the room.   
  
"Leave us." Nanaki said as he padded up to Cid. The on-lookers decided not to argue with the creature, e  
specially because he had a Knights of the Round Materia equipped. "Thank the planet I found you Red." Cid began. Nanaki looked at her and said. "It should be the other way around." "What in the blue blazes has gotten into your head Fuzzball?" Cid retorted . "It should be 'Thank the planet You found me Red'" Nanaki  
replied as he sat on the floor next to Cid. "I managed to save you from that bug that was sucking the life out of you. Then I brought you back to the city, where a doctor casted Cure on you a few times." Cid frowned at this, and mumbled a few words of thanks. "Which leads me to ask, Who are you? I assumed from your  
garb and the fact the at the Tiny Bronco was parked nearby that you would be a relative of Cid Highwind's." Red finished. "A relative. .. something like that."  
  
Red continued to pad around the room. "Well, Shall I make a guess then? I believe you are Cid Highwind." Cid's mouth fell agape as she nodded. "How'd you guess?" Cid replied as she re-connected her jaw to her face. "Several reasons . For one, you have Cid's Venus Gospel. At one point during our adventure Cloud  
touched the spear, after seeing that Cid extinguished his cigarette inside Cloud's nose. And I won't begin to say what he did to Yuffie when she got near it." Red said as he shook his head.   
  
"For my Second reason, You also have the Tiny Bronco in your possession. Cid had just finished the repairs on the little plane, and I doubt he would let anyone fly it to repeat the first time Cloud flew it. Lastly, You have the same scent as he does, with little variation." Red finished. Cid smiled some. "As  
usual furball, You're too darn smart." She said as she tried to move out of the room. "Hold on Cid, You were nearly killed... You need rest." Red said as she nudged Cid back into bed. "You don't understand... I don't want Shera to find me here." Cid replied. "I can understand that Cid, but you need to recover. We  
shall hide the Tiny Bronco, and if she shows up here, I shall send her off in another direction." Cid nodded and pulled the covers over herself . "Thanks fuzball, You're all right." Red smiled and finished "Goodnight Cid." With that the quadraped left the room and closed the door.   
  
In Midgar, Shera entered Cloud's office and smiled at the spikey haired warrior. "How's it going Cloud?" She asked as she sat down on a leather chair. "Eh, you know... It's a bit harder to be stuck behind the desk then to save the world." He replied as he pushed a pile of paperwork out of his way. "All these stupid forms to fill out and what not, Just drives me crazy." Shera nodded and sighed a little. "Cid's missing..." Cloud stared at her for a second. "Ahh, He'll come back soon, He's probably going to beat the hell out of some Anti-smoking people." The warrior replied. "I don't think so, He would have taken the Highw i nd in that case, and sucked a few people into the rocket engines. This time he fled to the Tiny Bronco and flew off... I thought he might come and see you..." Shera said with hope in her eyes. "Sorry, But he hasn't show up  
here. If you'd like, I can get som e of the old gang together and we can go hunting for him. Cloud said with a smile on his face. Shera nodded and smiled. Cloud reached over and pushed the intercom button. "Tifa, Contact the others.... We're gonna go and find Cid." He said.   
  
"Righty-oh Cloud ." Tifa said back as she pulled out her PHS. Her first call went out to Barret. "Yo! Barret Wallace here. Who dis?" Barret said on the other line. "Hi Barret, It's Tifa. How are you  
doing?" "Tifa? I'm jes peachy. You still with Spike?" He asked. "Yeah Still with him Barret. Anyway, Cid's gone missing, and we need to try and find him. "Well he ain't shown up in Corel, but I'll help ya find the old geezer." He replied. "Thanks Barret, We'll come and pick you up."   
  
Outside of Cid's room in Cosmo Canyon, Red stood for a few seconds before he began to break out laughing. After a few minutes of laughing, Red walked back up the the observatory. He dialed  
on a specialized PHS, and a few moments later, A voice on the other line asked "Hello?" Red snickered for a sec o nd or two before responding. "Vincent, You've gotta get to Cosmo and see something." He said as a few unguarded snickers got through. "Are you all right?" Vincent asked. "Yeah, I'm fine, but you have to see this." Red replied. "Okay, I shall be there as soon as possible." Vincent said. With that he hung up his phone and began to ponder. "Red doesn't find human humor funny, so whatever it is, it must be incredibly odd." He finished that thought as he grabbed his Death Penalty and walked out of the house.   
  
Back in Midgar, Tifa dialed up Vincent, and then Red. When she got no answer she dialed up Yuffie."Yuffie's used materia store, No matter what you want, I can get it." "Hey Yuffie, It's Tifa." "Uhh... Hi Tifa, Is this about the 'Look cool with blond spikes' materia that I took from Cloud?" "Nope Yuffie, I'm calling about finding Cid. I'd like you to help."  
  
Yuffie thought about this for a second. She hadn't been on Cid's best friend list for a while. She had attempted to steal his Venus Gospel once, and for that she had the most horrid thing happen to her. Cid had taken her manipulate materia and made her give back all the materia and money she had taken from everybody. On top of that, Cid had made her hang out with Aeris for hours upon end. Yuffie had heard enough flower growing information that day to last a lifetime, and she had planned on killing the goody-two-shoes girl, except Sephiroth had beaten her to it  
  
"What's in it for me?" Yuffie asked over the phone. "Well, if you help us find Cid, I can forget that you took Cloud's materia, and I'll find a way to return it to him without him noticing." There was a small silence from the other line, but then Yuffie responded. "Okay, it's a deal."   
  
Tifa smiled as hit the intercom button on her desk. "I wasn't able to get a hold of Vincent and Red, but Yuffie and Barret have agreed to help us." she said.   
  
"Okay, suit up then." Cloud said as he turned the intercom off. "Don't worry Shera, we'll find him." Shera smiled at this. "Thanks Cloud. The Highwind is par ked right outside of the town. Come whenever you're ready." She said as she stood up and shook his hand.   
  
On her way down Shera smiled evilly and thought of ways to get revenge on Yuffie. Because a few days after the ninja had visited Shera had lost her 'Make good Tea Really Fast' Materia, and she knew that that the little sneak had stolen the thing. Shera finally exited the building and headed to the Highwind.   
  
"You've never felt real motion sickness yet Yuffie!" Shera thought as her mind filled with thoughts of revenge.   
  
Meanwhile, Vincent had arrived at Cosmo Canyon. The group had left their buggy at Nibelheim, so he had an excuse to head over to the town. After arriving, he headed to the observatory. He found Red in his room, still laughing. "So, Red what so funny?" Vincent asked as he slid in from the outside. Red jumped and whirled around. "Vincent, you have got to stop coming in from the window at night... You scared the willies out of me." The cat replied. "Sorry... old habit." Vincent replied. "The thing that's funny is down at the inn. Let's go." Red said as he began to climb down to the bottom of the town.   
  
Being that it was nighttime, nothing much was happening outside of the town. The duo made their way to the inn and up to Cid's room. "It's in here ." Red said as he opened the door with his paw. Vincent and Red walked in and Red's snickering increased. Vincent looked around and saw someone lying in the bed. "I don't get it." He said to Red. "Lift the sheet, see if you can get it then." the Quadraped replied. Vincent lifted the sheet and saw a woman with long blond hair, flight goggles with cigarretes in them, and the same kind of clothing that His friend Cid used to wear. "Can this be Cid?" Vincent asked. "Yup, It's him." Red said as he began to laugh uncontrollably. A smile spread across the ex-turk's face, then faded into nothingness. "This is very unusual..." Vincent began.   
  
However, Red's laugher and Vincent's thoughts were interrupted as a rather pointy spear came up and pointed itself at Red. "So mething funny Furball?" Cid asked. Red backed up a few steps and stopped laughing. "Well....err...." Red began as he realized he was quicly running out of space to retreat with. "Come on Cid, You must admit that you would find this situation humorous i f it hadn't happened to you."  
Vincent chimed in. "Shut-up Spook. I didn't ask for this..." Cid retorted. Vincent sighed and said nothing. "Well, It happened Cid. There's no taking it back." Red replied. Cid snorted and stood up. "I'm gonna head to the bar if you need me." She said as she walked to the door. "Cid, If you dress like that and Shera arrives,  
She might make the same connection I have." Vincent said. Cid grumbled and sat down again. "I ain't wearing no @#%!@#$% dress." She said. Red smiled. "I never said you had to. Just something different." With that Red brought in several outfits.  
  
Shera had completed the repairs on the Highwind and now waited on the bridge. Ten minutes later, Cloud and Tifa entered the cockpit. Tifa wore a loose business sui t, her Premium Heart, and what looked to be a Shin-ra beta Bangle. Cloud wore a white shirt, Black pants, his Ultima Weapon and an Adamant Bangle.   
  
"All right Shera, First stop is Corel." Cloud said as he entered the airship. "Okay Cloud." Shera replied a s she began the takeoff Sequence. "So, how is Barret doing?" Cloud asked. "He says that he's fine." Tifa replied. "He married Elmyra and they spend their time raising Marlene." Cloud nodded. "And Yuffie?" He asked. "Yuffie still hasn't grown up that much. ..." Tifa replied as she smiled. "As usual...." Cloud replied as he sat down. "So, what's our ETA?" Tifa asked. "About an hour." Shera replied.   
  
Meanwhile, Cid was getting more and more annoyed. The clothes Red had carted in were..... girlish. "Look furball, I'm not gonna wear PINK!" Cid shouted as she tossed some of the clothes back onto the cart. "Cid, think about this, Would anyone expect you to wear Pink?" Red replied in a matter-of-factly tone. "I don't care! Bring something else." Red grumbled and exited the room with the cart. A few minutes later he returned with a cart filled with yellow and blue outfits. Cid rummaged through until she found a  
Yellow T-shirt, and blue jeans. "Turn around you two." She said. Red and Vincent obliged and Cid quickly changed . "Allright, you can look." She said. Red and Vincent then turned back around. "Well Cid... it suits you..." Red said. Vincent decided to stand in silence. "Allright then. I'm gonna be at the bar if you need me."  
She said as she walked out of the room. "Should we follow?" Red asked his friend. Vincent just shook his head.   
  
Cid had arrived at the bar and ordered a Goblin Island Iced Tea. She sat down at an empty table and sighed. Already people were beginning to stare at her, and it was disturbing to say the least. A well dressed fop came up in front of her and smiled. "Hello, I am Sir Biggsleworth Victim Junior and my friend over there is Weginald Fodder the Fourth. I would wish to say that you are the most beautiful creature in this establishment." Cid g l ared at the man. "Sorry, I already have someone, So go away." She said as she sipped her Tea. "But madam.... I would date with thee!" Biggsleworth said, just before Cid stood up. "No means No you !@$%!#$%" She said as she walked towards the man. "Bah, What will you do about it then?" Biggsleworth said. Cid drew her fist back and smashed Biggsleworth across the face. The fop went flying into his friend and both of them flew out of the inn and smashed on some rocks, causing them to die. However, since they weren't major characters, this had no impact on the rest of the story. Cid sat back down and began to nurse her drink. "Serves them right. I mean, They should know I have 255 strength." She muttered as she sipped her drink. After a few more drinks, Cid decided to retire to her room at the Inn. In the hall was a man who smiled at her. "I am Vicksison QuiteScrewed. It is a pleasure to meet you." He said as he took off his hat. All the sudden a figure emerged from the shadows. "CID Smash!" It went and bashed Poor Vicksison through the wall of the inn. Cid turned to this figure, but it had faded into the shadows, Leaving only a pack of Cid Highwind Cigarettes behind. "Who was that shadowy Figure?" Cid wondered as she entered her room   
  
"Did you have a nice time Ci d?" Vincent asked after Cid had closed the door. Cid turned  
around with a start. "Don't do that you !@$@!#$!@# spook!" She said as she sat down on the side of the bed. "Cid, I'd like to say that I'm sorry about earlier. I know what it's like to be turned i nto something else." Vincent said as he leaned up against a wall. "Yeah, Well look at you, You're older then me... but you look  
younger then I do. The only thing I see wrong is the claw, and you turn into demons." Cid replied. "But I.... I'm a joke." Cid s aid as she smashed her hand into the pillow. "You're not a joke Cid. I don't like it when I become those demons. I lose all humanity and control over my actions. Hell, the player can't even decide what attack I can use. I nearly lost the game when we were attacked my the materia keeper and transformed into the Galian Beast. I undid all the damage the rest had done. I had to atone for a few weeks after that..." Vincent finished. He turned to Cid, but in the middle of his speech, She had fallen asleep.   
  
However, in an area that bordered the Cleft of Dimensions, Someone watched a screen. It was a woman in her early twenties. She had short, blond hair, and was wearing a blueish suit. She had the look of someone that would kick your butt in a second or less depending on her mood. Her ice blue eyes scanned the screen looking for any deviation. Someone decended into the room and looked at her for a second.   
  
  
"So, What's up PA?" It asked. The woman known as PA looked up and saw yet another woman in a blue suit. Ex cept this one looked more aloof, with medium length red hair, blue-grey eyes, and fair skin. Even though she seemed relaxed as she decended the stairs, her eyes held a fierce determination.   
  
"Nothin' Neener. Watching the screen, having an Ultimate tea...." PA replied.  
"True.... True." Neener said. All of the sudden the phone rang and PA picked it up. "Hello?" She asked. From the other line came a gruff voice. "WASSSSSUP?!" PA smiled and shouted back. "WASSSSSUP?!!" Neener turned to PA. "Yo, Who dat?" She asked. "Yo.... Yo pick up the phone!" PA shouted back. Neener walked over to the wall and picked a phone up. "Hello?" She asked. The gruff voice answered. "WASSSSSUP?!!" To which Neener replied. "WASSSSSUP?!" PA joined in. "WASSSSSSSUP?!" The gruff voice then asked. "Yo, where's cappy?" Neener shouted up the stairs. "Yo Capppppppy!" Soon afterwards another voice entered the Fray. "Yo?" It said. "WASSSSSUP!!!!" The other voice said. Cappy responded by saying "Wasssssup?!" Then Neener and PA joined in. "WASS S SSSUP?!" A few seconds later and Cappy's phone beeped. "Holdon." He said. He clicked on the other line and said. "Yo?" A sligtly less manly voice said "Wasssup?!" So the Cappy responded by saying "WASSSSSSUP?!" That set off a chain reaction of "Wasssssssssup!" All of the sudden the conversation degraded, and everybody began shouting. "SUPPPPPPPPPP!!!"   
  
After that , everybody hung up and Neener turned back to PA. "So, what's up PA?" "Nothin' Watching the screen, Drinking an ultimate Tea." She replied. "True... True."   
  
All of the sudden, something on PA's screen beeped and she looked down. "We've got a disturbance in dimension 2143. I need someone to go deliver an antidote." She said as she turned to Neener. "Just don't touch anything while I'm gone." She then got up and left to a nearby room. Agent Neener went to the table which was full of chemicals. She picked up a few vials and mixed them all together, then got bored and went off to do something else. The Janitor named Biggs went by the table and picked up the concotion. He sniffed it a few times, drank it, and keeled over dead. Neener wandered back to the control panel and pushed random buttons. All over other dimensions People named Vicks, Wedge, and Aya began dying pointless deaths.  
  
PA chose that moment to wander back into the room with a vial.   
"Have you been killing random NPC's again?" She asked. Neener nodded. "Seems that way." With  
that PA shrugged and sighed. "Ahh well, they'll be back." She then handed the vial to Neener and pointed to the dimensional gate. "Go and find out who was affected and give them this. Use this PKE meter to find out who it is, alright?" PA finished as she handed Neener a hand held device. "PKE?" Neener asked. "Pretty  
Kool Equiptment." PA replied. "Kool? Isn't it spelled Cool?" Neener asked, with a confused look on her face. "Normally, except this was created by Ultimacea." PA replied. "Gotcha!" Neener said as she stepped into the dimensional Interval.   
  
Meanwhile, Back in dimension 2143... The Group of Shera, Cloud and Tif a had arrived at Corel. The town had prospered when Barret had returned and invested his millions of gil in the businesses. "It's a shame Reeve couldn't come..." Shera said as they walked towards Barret's house. "True, but he just got married, and you know what that's like..." Cloud replied as he smiled at Tifa, who blushed. "Actually, I wouldn't know... And I didn't hear about that wedding... Who'd Reeve marry?" Tifa stopped to think for a second. "Some nice girl named Sakaya Rama... I hear they're a good couple." She said as she nodded to Shera. "Alright... Anyway we're here."   
  
They had indeed arrived at Barret's house. It was a nice-sized mansion, not too big or too small. Cloud walked up to the door and rang the bell. A few minutes later, Barret came to the door and smiled at everyone. "Sup?" Barret Asked. "Nothing much Barret." Cloud Replied. "Aside from this Cid thing, Haven't been doing much." Barret nodded and motioned everyone into the dining room. "It's Gettin' Late, so yous can stay here." He sai d as he sat down in a chair and smiled. "And of 'course you gotta stay for  
dinner. Elmyra made some good grub for you..." With that, Elmyra came in with a platter of food and smiled at the group. "Hello! How have you guys been?" She asked as she began to serve the meal. "Fine." Tifa replied. Cloud would have said the same if he wasn't already digging into his fried Chocobo wing. Barret  
whacked him upside the head with his gun-arm and sighed. That whack had put several holes in his arm, due to the sharpness of Cloud's spikes. "My wife asked you a question Foo." He said. Cloud carefully rubbed the bump on his head. "Sorry about that, I'm doing well." He said as he again put all his concentration into eating. After the meal, Barret showed them to their rooms, and within a few minutes the group was asleep.   
  
Cid woke up the next morning and walked outside to the balcony. "What am I gonna do?" She wondered as she watched the sun ascend into the heavens. Standing right next to her was Vincent. "Hello Cid." He  
said. Cid jumped a few feet into the air, then deftly landed, seated in a chair. "Don't Do that!" She yelled as she reached for a nearby cup of Tea, that had randomly materialized out of no-where. "Sorry." Vincent said as he looked out over the town. The town was quiet, with few people roaming about. "Vincent?" Cid asked.  
"Yes?" Vincent replied. "Do you think Shera could ever learn to like me this way?" She finished as she set her cup of tea down. Vincent thought for a second. "In a romantic sense, I doubt it . But she will still like you as a friend..." He replied. Cid nodded and sighed. "Alright, I guess I'd better go find her then..." She said. "You may not need to, She may be coming here to look for you." Cid thought about this for a minute and nodded. "Alright, I'll wait here then."   
  
In Corel, Shera had just finished readying the Highwind. The crew and her friends had boarded already. "Next stop.. Wutai." Shera said as she took off. A few hours later, The group landed in Wutai and moseyed off towards the pagoda. Tifa knocked on the door, and Yuffie came out a few minutes later. "Like, I didn't expect you this early... I'll go get my stuff and we'll go." She said as she slammed the door. A few minutes later and Yuffie emerged and handed Tifa a bag. "Thanks Yuffie, Now let's get going." Tifa replied as they walked towards the group. Yuffie put on a big smile as they reached the group. "Heya!" She yelled as she smiled even wider. Cloud nodded to Yuffie and handed her a materia. "You might want to use this, it' s an anti-motion sickness materia for the trip on the highwind." He said as he smiled evilly.Yuffie took the materia and looked at it. "Gee... thanks. So, let's go get Cid!" With that the group headed back to the Highwind. After they took off, Yuffie inserted the materia into her bangle and casted the spell. Out of a Swirling mist came a man with four arms, and four weapons.   
  
"Who Disturbs my sleep? I am Gilgamesh, Oft times known as THE MAN!" The figure said as it glared at Yuffie. "You, Demon Spawn, shall Die!" WIth that he began chasing Yuffie all around the aft deck of the Highwind. Yuffie looked like she was going to get away, but Shera banked hard to avoid a duck and that caused Yuffie to fly into Gilgamesh's rather nasty weapons. "Ha! Let me show you the power of my weapons! Masmune, Excalibur, Zantesuken, Spiked-Flaming-Baseball Bat!" After making Charred  
Yuffie burgers, Gilgamesh left to destroy all who thought that they were THE MAN. On the Bridge, Shera had set a course for Cosmo, in order to see if Red was there.  
  
Back in Cosmo, A portal had opened up, spewing Agent Neener out of it. "Stupid portal... Alright... Now I gotta find out where this person is and give them the antidote." She said as she pulled out the PKE and fiddled with it. Just then the Highwind flew over and landed nearby. The group, (Including Yuffie, who  
Cloud had revived for no reason) made their way to the city and up to the observatory. Cloud knocked on the door and was suprised that a young-looking blond-haired woman answered the door. "Umm, Hello, Is Red in?" Cloud asked. The woman looked strangely at Cloud and pointed to the back. "Yeah, Red's  
back talking to Vincent." The blonde woman replied as she stepped out of the way. "Okay, thanks. By the way, Who are you and what are y ou doing here?" "My name's not important, And I'm leaving." She replied as she walked out the door, and right into the rest of the group. Shera looked at this woman for a bit. "Do I  
know you from somewhere? You seem awfully familiar..." She said as she continued to stare at the woman. "Nah, I'm just some random NPC. Plenty of people look like me." The woman replied as she headed downstairs. Barret, Yuffie, and Tifa all went into the observatory, while Shera followed that woman to the inn.   
  
Shera stood outside the room for a bit and listened to the woman talking to herself. \par "What am I gonna do?" Cid said as she paced around her hotel room. "I can't let them know that I'm me... So what do I do?" She said as she continued to pace. Shera chose this time to open the door and was quite surprised at what she saw. Cid's clothing lay strewn about the room, and the Venus Gospel was discarded in the corner. Shera glared icicle daggers at the woman, who had stopped her pacing to look up at her.   
  
"You..... Hussy!" Shera yelled as she ran at the poor, confused woman. Shera gave a good yank on her long,  
blond hair and continued to berate her. "How Dare you lure my Cid away! You tramp!" Another yank and the poor woman was yelling in pain. "Dammit Woman!" She yelled as she reared her hand back to slap Shera. Shera took her hand off the woman's hair and raised it to ward off the blow, but one never came. Instead, when Shera lowered her hand, she saw the woman on the bed crying.   
  
  
"What s the matter?" Shera asked as she sat down next to the woman. "Can't you recognize me woman? If you don't, get outta my face and make me some tea right now, I'm gonna be pissed!" The woman replied. Shera was confused by the statement, then took a long look at this woman. She noticed a familiar scent of Cigarettes and tea on her breath. All of the sudden, Shera realized who this woman was.  
  
"Cid?! It's you?!" Shera said, then followed that statement with a gasp. Cid nodded and sighed. "I don't know what happened to me... All I know was that suddenly I am what you see here..." Shera shook her head for a bit, but Cid remained what she was. "I'm sorry Cid... We'll find some way to get you back to normal..." Shera said as she put her arm around Cid.   
  
The rest of the party chose that time to arrive at Cid's room and gawk. Cid immediately rose and grabbed the Venus gospel. "First one to laugh... Dies!" Cid yelled. Just then Yuffie began to giggle. Cid began to glow red, and the other group members backed away from Yuffie. "Dragoon Transformation!" Cid shouted as Two scaly wings came out of her back, accompanied by Blue armor and a nastier-looking spear. Five minutes later Cloud pulled out a hand-held vacuum to suck up the remains of Yuffie.  
  
"Uhh... Cid?" Tifa asked. Cid nodded. "What happened?" Barret interrupted. "It mus' be dose darn Shin-ra!" He shouted as he shook his gun-arm into the air. Cid sighed for a few seconds. "It never was the !@%!@#$%!#$^$&#%$^@$!^%#&!@$^!#$!#$^@%^@#^# Shin-ra." She said as she sat back down on the bed. Barret decided that he should be quiet now, because he saw what Cid had done to Yuffie.  
  
"Thanks for caring about me, but I'd like to be alone now..." Cid said as she went over to the window. Most of the gang vacated the room, except Shera. "Cid, we all want to help you... If you need anything, we'll be outside." She said before putting her hand on Cid's shoulder, then leaving the room.  
  
Just then Agent Neener hopped in though a window, narrowly missing Cid's spear.  
"Geez, Watch where you put that thing..." She said as she dusted herself off. "Who the @!#%!@#$%@#$%#$ Are you?" Cid replied as she reached for the Gospel. "Relax man, I'm here to help..." Neener replied as she held up the PKE meter near Cid. "Yup! You're the person that got mutated by the tea..." Cid groaned. "Tea? Someone slipped something into my tea?! Mabye it was those @#$%@%@#$ Shin-ra..." She said.  
"Not really, Just a combo of chemicals... I have an antidote." Neener replied as she gave Cid a pill. "Just swallow this and you'll revert."  
  
Cid nodded and took the pill. A few minutes later and he was back to his normal self.  
"I guess I owe you a thanks..." Cid said as he stretched out. "Not really, Just remember to read the warning labels next time." Neener finished as the dimensional interval consumed her and sent her back to her own world. Cid quickly got changed, then walked outside.  
  
"Daddy's Home!" He said as he swept Shera into his arms and planted one on her.   
  
After that, Cid always checked his tea bags, and treated Shera a lot better.  
  
Cloud and Tifa went back to Midgar, where they lived happily ever after.  
  
Barret went to Corel and kept improving the town and being paranoid about the Shin-ra.  
  
Vincent returned to Nibelheim and continued his solitary life of thinking and atoning.  
  
Yuffie was eventually revived and shipped back to Wutai, where THE MAN would occasionally re-appear to slaughter her again and again.  
  
Biggs, Wedge, Aya, And Vicks would come back in other stories and worlds, but would be killed off by other authors.  
  
Well, That's everyone. The End.  
  
::Cid approaches:: "Damn! Again?! Can't you say it like a man? Like 'The @#%@!$%@#$ story's over, now go home?"  
  
Fine. The !@#$%@#$^@#$%^$% Story's over. Now go home!  
  
Cid: "That's better." 


End file.

Final Fantasy VII, Humor