Once and Again 1. The Awful Truth

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Demented Dimitri visits Dr.Rosenfeld......  
  
  
  
  
Thank god Lily never noticed Grace's hand on my leg when she came and appeared like a demented chester cat in the car window. Smiling with her bag of edibles. Little did she know I had almost eatin up her daughter so very pretty in the passenger seat that moment. Grace bolted. Wise move. I gasped. What had I done and why had I not done more... Well there would be answers when one month later a knock came to my door.   
  
No it was not Mrs. Gonzalez. She had come earlier almost right after the school board meeting in fact. She claimed to want to discuss my case but I had heard it all before. She brought a tape of Rashamon and suggested we view it together. But I am not like that. It was not subtle. No most definitely not. I offered Mrs Gonzalez some leftovers from my fridge and that was enough. She hastily left from wence she came.   
  
I was lost. Lost for weeks after that without my Grace. I lost my grace. Why did I do that? I seriously contempleted religious study. I have been told I look hot in robes. But monks cut off their haor do they not. It would sadden Grace I knew and I could not hurt her more. Grace was my mirror and the key to my soul. My heart was floating in a deep dark abyss. It was like that song I made Jumpy Jessie sing in the play. Heart Like a Wheel. Do you know that song?  
  
Dr. Rosenfeld "Remind me"  
  
Well excuse the voice, I haven't had a chance to make it presentable but ...(in a beautiful melodic voice...sending vibrations up Dr.Ed's spine Dimitri sang).. And my love for you is like a sinking ship. And my heart is on that ship out in mid ocean. (hitting high note in operatic voice with crescendo...Dr.Rosenfeld threw a pillow at Dimitri rumplying Dimitri's suit jacket and messing up his hair).  
  
Back to the heart of the matter (Dimitri resumed). So I heard the knocking. It was early 7:30am and I was still in my jammies with my hair tied back. Cornflower blue sleepwear my favorite. I tripped down the stairs euphorically to see a dim shadow, shape at my door through the curtains. I hesitated .. after the hate mail by Jake had ended I still got jumpy. I was fired (well almost) but I wasn't dead yet. Yet? I looked around and quickly grasp the nearest object of desire : a louiseviller slugger. Had considered wine bottle yes..but why waste good wine? It was sad to know career wa so quickely forgotten , all the beautiful things . My chair. And it was green too. At least one person thought highly of me. Hadn't Lily said those things at the meeting and later sent me lovely goodbye gift to my home. A set of Samsonite luggage. Inscribed luggage ...love always Lily. And a pie.   
  
With gentle soft steps I approached the door. Knocking persisted. The curtain was lace and didn't have much give to reveal my early morning caller's identity. I felt like James Bond and it felt good. Suavely I whisked the curtain aside. Oh my god. The last person I had expected stood there ... 


	2. Acting Out

NOTES FROM DR. ROSENFELD'S JOURNAL....  
  
  
  
The patient's suppressed emotions first became clear at that point. Denial is not a river. Faithless love betrayed him. It went wrong, all wrong. And now like a river flows all the emotions came forth from this (I'll admit it ) stunningly attractive elusive man before me....  
  
"Please continue" . I murmured. Crossing my legs and adjusting my cardigan for warmth. I felt suddenly cold and lonely hearing this sad man's bitter tale. He had the loneliest eyes. I found myself mesmerized. Like a hamster on a wheel , all I could do was take notes and hope the excitement and challenge would never end. I watched the subject watch me. He touched his hair.   
  
  
  
Dimitri took up the tale...  
  
Lifting back the white lace, I was struck by the poetic justice of the moment and the dark humour of the situation. I came to see the white lace curtain as a symbol. Gosh it looked like a bridal veil and realizing this it only added to my hurt. I had opened that door and moved aside the veil so many times in the past to find always Grace's face there. It pained me, the knowledge that my Grace would have a husband one day and I would be not he. My fingers were trembling as I swept back the curtain. And there I was. It was like Psycho. A lanky man with greasy hair and a face that was all attitude. I knew I was in trouble. I had a sudden thought would chaotic movement frighten him away. It was just a theory. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, not now not ever. Just then though something odd happened...the sun broke through the early morning clouds and struck my face and hair and jammies. Warming me in body, spirit and soul. Suddenly I felt a renewed strength. He was staring at me just then with his beady dark swarthy eyes. The sun was so bright around me I could barely see. He seemed confused and continued staring around my shoulder area. I touched my hair. Was my hair out of place? "Ahhh",he raggled out in slurred gargling sounds "..oweeee". Something had to be done. With compassion,tolerance and understanding I invited him in. The guy was out to lunch ..and he had forgotten to take his wallet, or something like that.   
  
I walked backwards and lowered the bat behind my kitchen island. Out of sight out of mind. Well, not quite. Make yourself presentable I told him. Don't speak until you are sure what you want to say. You should be afraid of me you know, I emphasized to stoner buddy...I have the bat. I waved my arms eradically in intimidating movements at him. He just continued to breath. And blink with glassy eyes. Really I was the one who was baffled and scared but I could not show that not to this my Grendal.   
  
"You know"...he started to say. But honestly his lips were forming words that should have meant something. Everything else did. Something real. But I couldn't hear what was coming out. Suddenly I felt bored and yawned. I decided an ending was needed to this story and I grabbed the tea towel. I'm not sure why I did that. Then as if I had no care in the world struted towards the fridge. I offered him a beverage. He gurgled again. Why can't I remember a single thing the guy said??? Hey, I mean I had known him in a way from the highschool for the past three years. I opened the fridge. Damn all I had was wine. Grace and Mrs Gonzalez had cleaned me out. I offered him a taste of wine but he declined. Things were getting frustrating at this point...can you understand that?   
  
  
"Uh Huh", I said. And touched my own hair adjusting my afro ever so slightly. My white running shoe (the foot crossed and raised in air) moving up and down in taping motion. Dimitri continued on.  
  
  
So I said "Look", Dimitri continued. And then he said "No you look". I was looking and there was a stain on his shirt. I pointed it out. He thanked me and asked me how I could have known that. I replied "Because I was looking". Here was this guy before trying to do the very best he could and I was completely ignoring that. I let him speak. But what he then said caused me to see red. That's exactly what happened. I flung at him over the kitchen island and he ducked under it. I heard him loud and clear now saying "Whoa Man ..". I stopped and stood up. "I need to know exactly what happened" I pleaded with him. Was my Grace ok? But he just smirked. The anger mounted---  
  
  
"Would you say you felt passive aggressive?" I asked the specimen.  
  
  
"It's definitely possible" Dimitri replied. But the guy was giving me an uncomfortable feeling and I wanted to, you know get more comfortable so I started shouting that I knew all about HIM. Oh yes she had mentioned HIM. I threw my cup of wine in his face. He turned and left my kitchen stating that "nobody deserves that kind of treatment". I knew right after he left I had to find Grace---  
  
  
"Well actually August our time is up for today but I would like to continue this again soon", I piped in.  
  
  
"Well Oh, Ok. But actually I can't come for next few days I have previous engagements" .   
  
  
"Oh Okay then. But that doesn't mean I won't miss you" , Dr.Rosenfeld said and smiled at his new psychological interest. 


End file.

Once and Again, Angst, Mystery