Naruto 1. New Student

I have started another story! Yay!

Sasori: Maybe you will actually finish this one.

Deidara: Yeah, un, how many have you started in the last week?

Hey! I put this one up! It gives me incentive to finish it!

Sasori: Sure. Brat, go ahead and do this so I can get back to my puppets.

Deidara: Yes Sasori-Danna! Zeli does not own Sasori, Naruto , myself or anything else, yeah. Just the plot I suppose. If you can call it a plot, un…

So mean to me… Enjoy. Flames will be used to burn Orochimaru. We will kill the thing with fire.

"Where the fuck is everyone?" Hidan muttered, lounging against Itachi's black Lamborghini, his magenta eyes filled with slight irritation.

"Hn," Itachi replied with a shrug towards the silver haired teen next to him, his onyx eyes scanning Konoha High School's busy parking lot for his tall, blue skinned boyfriend, Kisame. He tightened the hair tie his long, raven hair was in before running his fingers through his bangs that fell into his face. Hidan noticed this and snickered.

"Don't fucking worry, _Angel_," he snickered. "I'm pretty Jashin damn sure Kisame fucking thinks you're are fucking drop dead fucking gorgeous if you were bald and wearing nothing but a damn garbage bag. OW! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR YOU BITCH?!"

"Moron," Itachi muttered. Hidan rubbed his head and muttered curses as Itachi's phone vibrated in the pocket of the raven's skinny jeans. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen, a flicker of surprise crossed Itachi's face as he looked at the screen and Hidan noticed.

"What the fuck is it?" the silverette asked, glancing at the screen and his jaw dropped. "Holy shit! Is that fucking-"

"Deidara," Itachi finished.

_My parents said I could move to Konoha! I'm starting your school today, yeah! Hope to see you there! –D_

Sasori sat in his homeroom, his chocolate brown eyes on the book he was reading. Next to him sat Kisame who was texting his boyfriend Itachi looking downtrodden. The red head smirked knowingly. Kisame had promised Itachi to meet him this morning before school, but he and Sasori had got sent to Tsunade's office for shoving a freshman in one of the lockers and locking him in there. This had kept the blue skinned, shark looking teen from getting to his precious angel, Itachi.

Homeroom had ended five minutes ago and they were supposed to be starting their math class with Kakashi, but the man was late. He was always late, but he was a lot more late than usual. The students were being loud, obnoxious preps, jocks and all the other annoying cliques of the school.

"Where do you think Kakashi is?" Kisame asked, looking dejected.

"No idea," replied Sasori, glancing at Kisame. "Itachi giving you the silent treatment?"

"He's always silent," replied Kisame defensively.

"You know what I mean," replied Sasori with a smirk. "I have a feeling you are not going to get any tonight."

"At least I have someone to give me something."

Sasori winced and sighed. Leave it to Kisame to deliver a low blow like that. He gave the man a cold glare.

"Is it my fault the only people who want anything from me a whorish bitches on the cheerleading team?" he asked with a huff. "On top of that, any gay or bi guy in this school is taken or not my type."

Kisame just rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the front of the room as the class went quiet. The door to the classroom had slid open and Kakashi came in, his face behind his usual mask and his white hair spiked up in a strange way. Then someone followed him in the room and Sasori's heart skipped a beat.

A blonde walked in, hair pulled up in a topknot style at the top of his head, and spilled down over some that was loose and fell over thin shoulders. The blonde's bangs covered the left side of the face, hiding the other dazzling blue eye behind it. A black hoodie adorned the blonde's body and his legs were covered by a pair of clingy, black pants that had blue, silken looking ribbons crisscrossing around the legs.

"Sasori," Kisame said with a smirk, "you are drooling."

Sasori clamped his mouth shut and wiped the drool from his chin, glaring at the shark.

"Damn it…" Sasori muttered as he looked at the blonde. "I can't tell if it's a guy or not. I hope it's a guy. If it's a guy, there is no way he is straight."

"Someone has fallen in lust," Kisame teased, poking Sasori's arm and earning a death glare. Sasori was about to retort when Kakashi interrupted.

"Class, this is Deidara,"the teacher said. "He just moved here from Iwa. Make him feel welcome. Deidara there is a seat in front of Sasori."

Sasori was doing a little victory dance in his head as Kakashi pointed him out to the blonde, but kept his exterior calm. The blonde flashed him a smile before sitting in the seat in front of him gracefully. As the hair at the blonde's neck parted slightly, Sasori could see the tattoo of black bomb, like the ones from a Saturday cartoon, with its fuse lit at the base of his neck. The blonde removed the black hoodie and Sasori clenched the pencil in his hand as the blonde's thin, feminine figure was revealed.

Everyone turned to stare at him as the pencil broke, the crack sounding like gun fire in the quiet class. Deidara's visible blue eye looked at the broken pencil and then to Sasori's face, his head cocking to the side slightly.

"You alright, un?" he asked and Sasori had to hold back attacking the teen right there. His voice was beautiful _and_ he had an dorable sounding speech impediment. Sasori carefull regained his composure and glared at Deidara.

"I'm fine, brat," Sasori snapped, and almost caved at the pout Deidara gave at the name. "Turn around and pay attention to the teacher." Deidara rolled his eyes and did so, and Sasori relaxed at this.

He looked down at his desk as a sheet of paper slid onto it. He opened it to see Kisame's untidy scrawl across it.

_Someone has the hots for blondie._

_Shut up, Fishface._

_Insult aside, you going to ask him out? _

_Why would I do that?_

_Because you need to get laid and the kid is totally hot and totally your type and most likely single._

Sasori did not reply. He angrily crumpled up the notes and stuffed them in his bag. As he stared at the blonde's neck. Gazing at the slightly tanned skin and the gracefully curved neck, Sasori slowly relaxed. The boy was beautiful. Sasori wondered if Deidara liked art. He and Sasori could sit and have talks about the eternal beauty of art. He jumped in surprise as the bell rang, signaling them to leave

Kisame sighed beside him and tugged at Sasori's sleeve. Sasori sighed and looked at him as he packed his bag.

"What?" he snapped, irritated about having to look away from the blonde who now packing up as well.

"You have art with Itachi next, right?" he asked quietly so no one could hear. "Will you give him this note, _please_?"

"Fine," Sasori sighed and snatched the note before looking back at Deidara who was looking at his schedule. "Hey brat."

Deidara sighed as he realized he was being addressed and turned to Sasori, giving him an inquisitive look.

"What?" he asked. "And my name is Deidara, not 'brat'."

"I don't really care," Sasori answered, earning an eye roll from Kisame as the shark-boy left. "What class do you have next?"

"Art, un."

"Great. So do I. I'll show you where it is."


	2. Art

Yay! Another chapter! Excited boys?

Sasori: No. You are going to make us have that argument again.

Deidara: The art argument again, un?

Sasori: Of course. Don't they all?

Deidara: It does get old after a while. Can't we just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Boys! Can we move on?

Sasori: Fine. Zelixion does not own Naruto or any of its makings. Just this sorry excuse of a plot.

"So," Deidara asked as they walked to the art classroom, "do you like art, Sasori?"

"Yes," Sasori replied. "I believe that true art is an eternal masterpiece that can be treasured forever."

Deidara looked thoughtful, cocking his head in that adorable fashion again, a slight smile on his face. Then he shrugged and smiled down at Sasori.

"I suppose I can accept that, un" Deidara replied, "Even though I don't think _all_ art should be eternal."

Sasori paused a moment and glanced at him with a frown, crossing his arms.

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"I like fleeting art. Here one instant and gone the next, un. A beautiful explosion of colored sparks and flames, un."

Sasori stared at the boy, incredulous. Was he stupid or something? What kind of art was that?

"That is absolutely ridiculous brat," he snapped, continuing down the hall. "How are people going to remember that?"

"Through an explosion so vivid it etches it into your mind and you can't shut your eyes without seeing a beautiful flash of color, yeah." Deidara replied, closing his eyes to concrete his point. A smile found its way onto the blonde's lips and Sasori almost wanted to see what Deidara saw behind those eyelids. Almost. He still thought the idea of fleeting art was absolutely ridiculous.

"We are here brat," Sasori said, inwardly happy that those beautiful blue eyes opened again. When they walked in, Deidara paused, then got extremely happy. Before Sasori had a chance to ask why, he found out.

"Itachi!" The blonde squealed and was suddenly gone and Sasori blinked as there was a crash. He looked to where the blonde ended up and frowned slightly. The blonde had tackled Itachi to the ground and the raven haired boy's thin arms were pinned at his sides by the Deidara's overzealous hug.

"Dei…" Itachi wheezed. "Air…"

Deidara let go of the onyx eyed teen, looking abashed as he got up and helped the slightly ruffled looking Itachi to his feet. Sasori frowned and walked up to them.

"You know this blonde brat, Itachi?" he asked, feeling a pang of jealousy, but not letting it out. The blonde was not his… yet. He should not be getting over protective already. Itachi nodded slightly.

"Hn," he said and, to Sasori's shock, he smiled at Deidara. It was a small, almost not there smile, but a smile nonetheless. The only person Sasori had saw the raven smile at one other person at that was Kisame. He looked at Deidara and the blonde had given Itachi a shy smile back. Kisame was going to love this. They all sat down as the teacher came in and Sasori handed Itachi the note from Kisame. Itachi took it and read it, a somewhat bigger smile appearing on his face. He slid the note safely in his bag and Sasori could only assume Kisame was forgiven for ditching Itachi earlier.

As the class went on, they found out they would be painting. The teacher said they could paint anything they wanted. As Sasori painted his own creation, two marionettes dancing on a stage without any visible strings, he looked over at Deidara. He was surprised to see the blonde's eyes closed. He looked to Deidara's canvas and his eyes widened slightly. Deidara's canvas was covered in a splash of vivid colors that were slowly forming into an explosion looking design that looked like fireworks. He saw Itachi glance over at the painting.

"Suna Summer Festival?" he questioned the blonde and Sasori blinked. Deidara smiled and nodded.

"The fireworks that night were gorgeous, un" he replied. "I've never had a chance to paint them before, yeah."

"That was three years ago," Itachi stated. "I'm surprised you remember them so well."

"Photograghic memory, yeah," Deidara said with a laugh. "I never forget any of the explosions I see."

"Hn."

To say Sasori was surprised was an understatement. For one, Itachi was holding a conversation. Mind you his voice was still very quiet, but the only person he held a full conversation with without using monosyllabic or one word answers was Kisame. The other thing was, Deidara was painting this explosion from a three year old memory and Itachi had recognized it. Sasori once again felt a stab of jealousy. Irritated, he went back to his painting.

The bell rang and Sasori went back up to Deidara, feeling Itachi's watchful eyes on him.

"Hey brat," he said. "What's next?"

"Biology, un," Deidara said and Sasori inwardly sighed.

"I have Chemistry," he replied disdainfully and Deidara smiled wryly.

"They, uh, wouldn't let me have that class, un," he said sheepishly. Sasori frowned, confused.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because I blew up the chemistry lab at Iwa, un," he said with a snicker.

"Intenionally," Itachi added, giving a stoic look. Sasori gave Deidara a skeptical look and the blonde arsonist just grinned.

"It was gorgeous, un!" Deidara said. "The second was even greater."

"The second?" Sasori asked with a frown.

"Yup. Principal Tsunade kicked me out of the class so I went back and-"

"Swapped the labels," Itachi growled, sounding annoyed. Once again pouting, Deidara looked at him.

"How was _I_ supposed to know you would be in there?"

"Wait. You blew up Itachi?" Sasori asked before bursting out into laughter, earning a glare from the raven haired man.

"Shut up," Itachi snapped. Deidara rolled his eyes.

"It wasn't that bad, un," he said. "Your eyebrows grew back and I made up for it, un."

"How did you do that?" Sasori asked, curious. "It takes a lot to get back on Itachi's good side. The only person I know who can do that is Kisame and that's only when they… they…"

At this point, Sasori was looking between the two of them. Itachi looked slightly uncomfortable and they were not looking at each other. A light blush had found a way across Deidara's face, making him look absolutely adorable. Sasori squashed the angry jealolusy that welled up in his chest that Itachi got to touch his blonde… the blonde. Not his blonde. Deidara wasn't his… yet.

"Did you two… you two had sex?" Sasori questioned.

"Alright!" Deidara said rather loudly, "It's about time I get to class, un. Bye guys!"

With that, both the blonde and ravenette left the red head in the art room, stunned.


	3. Jumping to Conclusions

Three chapters in one night! I'm on a roll. Let's hope it keeps rolling.

Deidara: So let me get this straight, un. I had sex with the weasel? I hate him, un.

Not in my story! In my story you don't. You, Itachi and Hidan are besties! Yaya besties!

Sasori: I should get this over with before Deidara blows up the author. Zelixion does not anything related to Naruto in this story. Enjoy brats.

Sasori slinked into the lunchroom and spotted his group. He noticed neither Hidan nor Itachi had made it in yet. Kisame, Pein, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi and Kakuzu all sat around the lunch table. There were a few trays with some uneaten slop the cafeteria had served sat on the table. Sasori decided not to even get it and sat down next to Konan. The blue haired, grey eyes senior had her head on Pein's shoulder. The orange haired man whose face was laden with piercing was running his fingers through her hair gently Kakuzu was counting the money in his wallet. His dark skin was somewhat scarred, tanned face with dark green eyes glued to the money. Tobi was leaning against Zetsu's half green and half black body, apparently asleep under the orange swirled mask. Kisame was staring at his phone, still looking dejected. Apparently Itachi had not texted him back yet. Sasori frowned at this. The raven was probably wrapped up with the blonde.

"Sasori?" Pein questioned, "do you have any idea where Itachi is? Or Hidan?"

"I don't know about Hidan," Sasori muttered dryly. "Itachi is probably with that blonde brat Deidara."

Kisame looked up, eyes wide as he took this information, then back down at his slop with a frown.

"The new blonde kid in our class?" Kisame asked, with a frown. "Why would he be with him? Itachi doesn't warm up to people that fast."

They already knew each other, from Iwa." Sasori looked down and frowned. "Itachi was having a full conversation with the brat."

Everyone at the table stared at Sasori. Kisame looked a bit wide eyed at him, then clutched the phone, jumping as it was crushed into pieces in his over-sized grip. Everyone stared at him and he smiled sheepishly.

"S-sorry," he muttered.

"Sasori," Konan said softly, "what else did you find out about them?"

"Itachi and the brat," Sasori said, not looking at Kisame, "had sex at one point…"

Kisame's shoulders slumped as he stared at the crushed phone in despair.

"Evidently, it was to make up for the fact that Deidara accidently blew him up in a chemistry class prank. He evidently was not the intended target."

"He blew up my Angel?" Kisame snapped, irritated, only to have Konan's hand be placed on his shoulder.

"Easy Kisame," she said calmingly and Pein nodded in agreement.

"There is no need to jump to conclusions," he said. "This was before you met Itachi. You and Itachi love each other. Do not let this come between the two of you. Let them explain first. If they had any relationship in the past, it's over now. That's why Itachi is with you."

"Tobi has a question!" the masked boy asked, clearly not as asleep as Sasori thought.

"What is it Tobi?" Konan asked, trying to hold back a sigh.

"If Deidara knew Itachi from the past, and Hidan and Itachi knew each other in the past too, does this mean Hidan knows Deidara too?"

Everyone was quiet at the usually dim boy's revelation. They looked at Kakuzu who had stopped counting his money at this, a frown on his scarred face. It was quiet for a few moments before it was shattered rather rudely.

"Holy shit Deidara!" came the rather loud voice of Hidan. "You should have fucking told me and Itachi your Jashin damned ass was moving to this hellhole, you bitch. We would have fucking prepared fucking welcome party."

There was a light laugh that made Sasori's heart jump. The group turned to see Itachi, Hidan and Deidara walking through the cafeteria toward them. Kisame and Kakuzu's eyes were narrowed on the blonde. Sasori frowned at this. How dare they glare at his blonde? No. The blonde. Still not his blonde yet. Yet . The three of them walked up to the table and Deidara gave the group a small, nervous smile.

"Hi, un," he greeted with a slight wave of his hand. The group just stared at him and Deidara shifted anxiously.

"Alright you Jashin damned heathens," Hidan said with a wave of his hand as Itachi sat down beside Kisame, giving him a peck on the lips before leaning on him tiredly, "this fucking girly looking bitch-"

"I am not girly looking, un" Deidara said with a pout.

"Yes you do brat now shut up so Hidan can finish," Sasori snapped, earning a glare from Deidara.

"Any fucking way," Hidan continued, "this fucking girly looking bitch is Deidara. He is a friend of me and Itachi from the hellhole know as fucking Iwa. He was the fucking bane of Principal Tsunade's Jashin damned existence. He fucking booby trapped everything from the damn lockers with fucking paint bombs to the damn gym with his damn clay monstrosities."

"So, are you here because they finally expelled you?" Zetsu asked and Deidara just snickered.

"Deidara Iwa," Itachi said simply. Everyone paused, then their eyes widened.

"You mean to tell me," Pein said, "that your family is the founder of Iwa City. The same Iwa family that owns almost every building _in_ Iwa on top of a fashion chain and a modeling agency?"

"_I'm_ not telling you that, un," Deidara said, motioning to Itachi, "_He's _telling you that."

"ANGEL! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME FOR YOUR SEXY RICH EX-BOYFRIEND!" wailed Kisame. "HE CAN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I CAN!"

Everybody went quiet as the stared as Kisame hugged Itachi tightly in an almost bone crushing embrace. For the second time that day, Itachi was gasping for air.

"Kisame… "he choked out. "Air…"

"K-kisame!" Deidara cried, concerned for his raven haired friend. "Itachi and I never went out!" This got everyone's attention and Kisame let Itachi go, letting the onyx eyed teen to breathe.

"But Sasori said the two of you had sex…" he said as Itachi regulated his breathing.

"Deidara," Pein said, watching Hidan go sit next to Kakuzu who eyed the silverette warily, getting a confused look from the Jashinist, "maybe you should sit down and tell us what really happened in Iwa. Including anything with Hidan. We don't want their current loves killing you out of jealousy."

"Yeah… Maybe I should, un," Deidara said and, to the red head's delight, sat next to him. "Alright, un, here's what happened."


	4. Flashback and Explanations

Hidan: ZELIXION FUCKING OWN NOTHING BITCHES!

What are you doing here?

Hidan: Making sure your Jashin damned ass doesn't get fucking screwed by some fucking hater heathens, that's why.

Sasori: Why do you care?

Hidan: Cus I had better have some alone time in one of these chapters with my Kuzu.

Deidara: You are such a loudmouth. Enjoy Zeli's readers.

"Alright, un," Deidara said, sighing as everyone's eyes landed on him, "where should I start?"

"You fucking met me first," Hidan said, trying to get Kakuzu's attention, but the miser had his eyes locked on Deidara. "Fucking might as well start with me."

"Okay, un," Deidara murmered. "I met Hidan in seventh grade, yeah. I was at the park one day and this group of guys from school had cornered me, yeah."

"Fucking heathens."

_Flashback_

"_Stop it, un!" Deidara cried out, getting shoved to the ground again. One of the boy's laughed and grabbed Deidara's ponytail, yanking at it._

_ "Why should we?" the boy sneered. _

_ "Because this _hurts_!" _

_ The boys just laughed and kicked Deidara repeatedly, laughing. Deidara started crying as they started insulting him._

_ "Tranny!"_

_ "Homo!"_

_ "Bitch!"_

_ "HEY! JACKASSES!"_

_ "Huh?" _

_The leader of the group turned and got punched in the face. Before Deidara had a chance to figure out what was going on, the whole group was unconscious on the ground, broken and bloody. He sat up shakily, blinking when a pale hand was offered to him. He looked up to see magenta eyes staring down at him._

"_Who're you, un?" Deidara asked, wiping blood off his chin from a busted lip._

"_The guy who just saved your Jashin damned ass," Hidan snapped. "Do you want help up or what?"_

_Deidara smiled and took the hand._

End Flashback

"Aww! Tobi thinks that's sweet! Hidan saved Deidara-Sempai!"

"Wait,"Sasori said with a frown, "_Hidan_ saved you?"

"That's what he fucking said," Hidan snapped. "Clean out your fucking ear, damn puppet boy."

"Sasori's right though," Kisame said with a frown. "Hidan saved you? Hidan doesn't save people unless it's himself or Kakuzu, but Kakuzu has never needed saving, so just himself."

"That's what happened, un," Deidara said with a shrug. "We were friends for a while. It wasn't until freshman year that Hidan asked me out…"

This caused everyone but Itachi, Hidan and Deidara to tense and lean in closer. Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Hidan.

"Mine…" he growled possessively. Deidara just rolled his eyes.

"You can keep him, un," he said. "We didn't work out that well, yeah."

"What happened?" Zetsu asked, curious. "**Couldn't take Hidan's bitchiness?"**

Deidara stared at Zetsu confused as the two different voices came out of him. Sasori sighed.

"Zetsu has split personality," he said. "Continue brat."

"Well, it wasn't Hidan's bitchiness, un," Deidara continued with a frown. "Actually, that was the problem, yeah. Hidan was always on top and he convinced me one day to switch with him. Just to try it out, un."

"Only fucking problem was, I liked it and didn't want to fucking switch back."

"So that ended up with a power struggle to end up on top, tie the other down, and-"

"Fucking ride the other to get our damn way."

"Our relationship last about three months before we decided that Hidan had turned full uke on me and it was probably beneficial to us both to end it then, un. We stayed friends though."

"Hell fucking yeah we did," Hidan said. "We were each other's only friend. Pretty boy was fucking rich but not so Jashin damn popular."

"Alright," Kisame urged on. "What about Itachi?"

"Well, we met my freshman year, un," Deidara explained, "right after I got kicked out of my chemistry class for blowing it up, un."

"Intentionally," Itachi said, giving Deidara a scolding look. Deidara glared at him and Sasori wanted to glare at the raven for scolding Deidara but decided it was in his best interest to stay stoic.

"Yes, un," Deidara replied. "I blew it up intentionally, un. Fortunately for the school, it didn't damage it irreparably, yeah. It was running again the next day. Unfortunately, I can be a bit…"

"Spiteful," Itachi finished, running his hand down Kisame's arm as the shark tensed up.

Flashback

_Deidara sat in the bathroom on the counter. This period was now free for him since he was no longer in the chemistry class. A grin made its way to his face as he was reminded that soon, no one would be in the class._

_BOOOOOM!_

_ Deidara cackled and leaned against the stall wall behind him He knew it was just a matter of time before Tsunade called him to the office to answer for his crimes, but that was okay. A few hours of detention was worth it for the beautiful creation he was sure he missed. It was really sad. He would have loved to see it._

_ The bathroom door opened and his heart stopped at seeing who stormed inside, covered in slight burns, with singed eyebrows, and a soot covered face._

_ 'Shit… Itachi…' he thought and eyed the boy nervously as he edged off the counter to escape what he was sure would be an ass kicking of epic proportions. As he pulled the door open, a hand slammed itself on the door and shoved it closed. Deidara gasped and spun around, grinning nervously at the angry, onyx eyes that glared at him._

_ "H-hey Itachi, un," Deidara stuttered, flinching as Itachi locked the door. "What's up, un?"_

_ "You did this," Itachi snarled, slamming his other hand on the door beside Deidara, leaving the blonde trapped._

_ "U-uh... Yeah… I did, un. B-but I wasn't intending it f-for you, yeah."_

_ "Hn…" Itachi replied, clearly not believing the blonde._

_ "L-listen, I… You are angry, yeah?"_

_ "…" Itachi's hand went to Deidara's throat and the arsonist gulped._

_ "Yeah… Stupid question, un. W-what can I do to make it up to you, un?"_

_ Deidara was relieved to see the anger melt away suddenly, but immediately tensed as Itachi smirked. His wrists were grabbed and pinned over his head, and Deidara's eyes widened slightly. He gasped as Itachi's lips were suddenly against his and a knee between his legs._

_ 'Sex. Sex is definitely better than an ass kicking. Either way I won't be able to walk straight, but at least I can enjoy this…' _

END FLASHBACK

Everyone stared at Itachi, then at Kisame who's eyes were wide, then back at Deidara who had a slight blush on his face. Hidan was in hysterics, bent over the table with mirth as his shoulders shook with laughter.

"I always fucking wondered how you fucking came to be on Uchiha's good side suddenly," Hidan snickered, clutching his sides.

"Hidan didn't know about that?" Tobi asked, curious.

"No," Hidan snorted. "Itachi just fucking started randomly hanging the fuck out with us. Deidara was fucking fine with it, so I did not say a Jashin damned thing. After, Itachi's fucking bastard of a dad died, he started hanging the fuck out with us more and opening up and shit. It was mostly Dei though. The fucking girly boy could probably melt even Sasori's cold, bastard heart if he wanted."

Kisame grinned at Sasori knowingly so the red head kicked him in the shin, causing the shark boy to yelp in pain. Itachi looked up at him in concern.

"Sorry Fishface," Sasori said. "Foot slipped."

"Foot slipped my ass…" Kisame muttered with a wince as Itachi glared at Sasori.

"Itachi and I never did anything after that, un," Deidara said. "From what he told me, he just wanted to know what it was like being on top, yeah…"

Kisame grinned down at Itachi, kissing the raven's forehead gingerly.

"Didn't like it?" he asked with a toothy grin. Itachi merely closed his eyes and folded his hands in his lap.

"No. Too much work."

Deidara just smiled and Sasori sighed. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about Fishface and the miser attacking his Deidara. No. Not his Deidara.

'Damn it…' Sasori thought. 'I need to make him mine… Somehow…'


	5. Lonely Seme's and Plotting Uke's

Sasori: I take offense to the fact I was barely a part in that last chapter. Fucking Immortal and weasel were there more than me.

Deidara: Don't be such a spoil sport,un. We had to make sure Kuzu and Kisa wouldn't kill me, Danna.

Sasori: Whatever.

Deidara: Zeli owns nothing but the laptop she types on. And her car. That's about it, yeah. No smexy Naruto characters for her.

This should be easier to read since I tried to space the stuff out more...

* * *

Sasori was watching Deidara walk off the school grounds, giving a small, depressed sigh. Deidara had been here a week now and he was pretty sure the

blonde did not like him. Sasori could only blame himself really. He had been a total jackass to the blonde. He was constantly berating him. He had insulted

Deidara's art, called him a transvestite, and constantly called him brat. He looked up as Pein came to stand beside him, giving him a knowing look.

"Why not just ask him out?" Pein asked, shaking his head at Sasori. "You can't take your eyes off the boy. You beat the shit out of the boy who called him a

whore the other day when he was not looking. Admit it. You've fallen and fallen hard."

Sasori did not look at Pein, keeping his face as stoic as possible as Deidara disappeared from sight. They stood there in silence as Pein waited for Sasori's

answer and Sasori trying to think up an answer. In the end, Sasori chose to stay silent. I f he stayed silent, he would say nothing to incriminate him.

Kakuzu walked up to them, Kisame at his side and they sat down on the stairs of the school. Sasori glanced at them then looked at Pein who shrugged.

"What's wrong you two?" he asked.

"Itachi and Hidan went to Deidara's to _catch up_," Kakuzu said with a sigh. Kisame frowned, crossing his arms.

"Sasori, you need to hurry up and ask blondie out because I want my Angel back," he huffed.

Sasori just sighed.

* * *

Deidara smiled and held Itachi's hand in his own, painting a coat of dark purple on his nails.

"I forgot how dainty your fingers are, un," he said and Itachi rolled his eyes.

"They are not that small…." Itachi muttered.

"You are fucking small in damn general," Hidan cackled from inside Deidara's huge closet. He decided he wanted to go through Deidara's huge walk in closet

that was full of designer clothes and shoes and accessories.

"It's so cute to see Kisame hold you, yeah," Deidara replied. "He holds you like he's scared he's going to break you, un…"

"I wish he would figure out I am not made of porcelain," Itachi grumbled. "He's scared to have sex with me."

"Fucking Kakuzu hasn't fucking had Jashin damned sex with me either," Hidan said, coming out of the closet and leaning against the door frame. The

Jashinist looked a bit dejected as he frowned. Deidara closed the nail polish he was using on Itachi's nail and frowned.

"Why not?" Deidara asked, giving Hidan a curious look.

"He fucking said he didn't want to fucking move too damn fast…" Hidan muttered sourly. "We've been fucking together for about four damn months…"

"Well, you should have had sex the first time at least a month ago, yeah," Deidara said, stripping off his shirt and flopping on the bed. His loose blonde hair

was splayed out underneath him as he tried to think of how to help his friends. Hidan came and laid to the right of him and Itachi to the right. The bed was

large enough that they didn't even touch each other, yet, by the time they dozed off, Deidara's head was on Hidan's chest and Itachi was curled up against

Deidara.

~The next morning~

Deidara woke up and stared at the ceiling of his room as he tried to determine what he should do to help his friends get some. His blue eyes snapped open

and he shot up in the bed, knocking Hidan off the edge of the bed and jolting Itachi awake as the raven's head fell off his stomach and hit the bed.

"What the fuck blondie?" Hidan cursed, rubbing his head as he sat up off the floor. "What the hell is your problem?"

"I got it, un!" Deidara cheered happily.

"Got what?" Itachi asked groggily.

"Go take showers guys, yeah," Deidara said, getting off the bed himself. "There's one down the hall and one downstairs near the living room, yeah!" He ran

into his own bathroom that linked up with his room. After showering quickly, he waited, wrapped up in a powder blue robe. A short while later, the other two

had rejoined him, looking confused.

"What the fuck is going on blondie?" Hidan asked as the blonde led them into the walk in closet. Deidara smiled and pushed the back wall, causing a secret

door to open. Hidan's eyes widened.

"Holy shit," he muttered.

"They won't be able to resist, un," Deidara said with a snicker. Itachi merely smirked.


	6. The Deal

Sasori: Zelixion, where is Deidara, Hidan and Itachi?

They are getting dressed.

Sasori: What is taking so long? How come it is taking four hours for them to get ready?

OH TOBI! SASORI HAS COOKIES AND WANTS TO PLAY WITH YOU!

Sasori: O.O You bitch!

Tobi: *tackles Sasori* COOOOKKKKKIIIIESSSS! PLAY WITH ME SASORI!

Sasori: No! Get off of me you freak!

Zeli will play with Tobi but only if Tobi does her disclaimer.

Tobi: Zeli does not own Naruto or the characters! There! Tobi was a good boy, yes?

Yes. Tobi was a very good boy. Warning: This chapter contains cross-dressing!

* * *

Sasori sat outside in the courtyard with the rest of the group that had labeled themselves the Akatsuki. Kisame, Kakuzu and himself all had dejected looks on

their faces. Hidan, Deidara and Itachi had yet to arrive at school and homeroom started in twenty minutes.

"Where do you think they are?" Kisame asked, watching as Kakuzu counted his money to distract himself.

"I'm sure they are on their way, Kisame," Konan said with a smile.

"You don't think they did anything with each other do you?"

"Kisame," Zetsu said, eyeing the teen calmly, "if they said they have no romantic intentions towards each other, then we will just have to trust them. They are

merely friends who want to catch up after being separated for such a long period of time. Tobi, don't eat that."

"Yes Zetsu-sama!" Tobi said, sticking the wad of gum he had pulled off the underside of the picnic table back under it. Sasori rolled his eyes and glanced toward

the entrance of the school and his heart stopped, eyes going wide.

"Holy shit…" he muttered, eyes wide. Everyone stopped and went into a stunned, shocked silence.

Deidara, Hidan, and Itachi were heading toward the table the Akatsuki was hanging out at. Hidan was wearing combat boots that had a pair of clingy black

leather pants that if pulled down any further would reveal some rather interesting parts of his anatomy. His abdomen was covered by nothing but a silvery,

leather jacket trimmed in the same shade of magenta as his eyes and was unzipped to reveal his toned, pale chest. His rosary with the symbol of Jashin on it

hung around his next, the symbol glinting in the sun. On his right ear hung a dangle earring that was an upside down, three bladed scythe, the blades made of

ruby. He sat down beside Kakuzu and grinned up at him.

"Hey bastard," Hidan said, leaning on the table.

"H-hidan?" Kakuzu spluttered, causing Hidan to snicker.

Itachi strolled up to Kisame, whose eyes were bugging out. Itachi was wearing skin tight, black jeans. A pair of heeled boots covered the legs of the pants to

just halfway up his shins. He wore a loose, dark grey shirt made of a shimmery, translucent material, giving everyone glimpses of the pale body underneath. A

silver chain made its way around his slim neck; the ends were attached to the tips the wings of a raven. His hair was down for once, cascading over his slim

shoulders in a show. He sat down quietly beside a frozen Kisame, who looked as if he couldn't breathe. Itachi just gave him a sultry look.

Sasori did not care about the other two. His eyes were on Deidara. His hair was pulled into matching pigtails at the top of his head that were curled into

ringlets. He still had the bangs that fell over the left side of his face. A white and black checkered top covered the boy's chest, stopping at his waist with black,

mesh sleeves that ran down the blonde's arms, a piece wrapping around each of the blonde's middle fingers. A black, jean jacket was pulled over the top.

As Sasori's eyes traveled lower, his eyes caught sight of a silver belly button ring came into view. The bird shaped, sapphire charm sat just below the blonde's

navel. A knee length, checkered skirt fell to the blonde's knees, held up by a spiked belt. Deidara's legs were covered in white leggings that were slit here and

there to reveal bits and pieces of skin. On top of that, Deidara was wearing a pair of six inch, black stilettos with leathery black netting wrapping around his

ankles.

"B-brat…" Sasori finally choked out as Deidara plopped down gracefully beside him. "Why are you in heels and a skirt?"

Deidara flashed him a sultry smile, blinking his eyes that Sasori realized were ringed in black eyeliner and silvery eye-shadow. Sasori gripped the bench he was

sitting on tightly.

"Don't I look sexy like this, Sasori no Danna, yeah?" he said in a low voice. With that, Sasori was up and running into the school. Deidara chuckled and Hidan

snickered.

"Deidara-sempai!" Tobi cheered. "Tobi thinks Deidara, Itachi look very pretty! Tobi also thinks Hidan looks real nice too! Kakuzu can't look Hidan in the eye!"

This was true. Kakuzu had suddenly become very interested in the wooden table as Hidan ran his fingers over the miser's thigh. Pein turned his attention to

Deidara, clutching Konan's hand as he tried not imagine what Deidara would look like with boobs. He was straight and Konan was the only thing keeping him

grounded from making sure Deidara was actually a guy.

"You do realize what you have done to Sasori dressing like that?" he asked, trying to suppress a slight headache. Deidara gave an innocent smile.

"What on earth would I have done to Sasori no Danna, hmm?" he asked, then turned his attention to Kisame who was being addressed by Itachi.

"Kisa-kun?" he inquired gently, making Kisame's blue tinted skin to turn a slight purple, "are you okay?"

"Tobi thinks Kisame is broken," Tobi giggle. "What does Zetsu-sama think? Is Kisame-san broken?"

"**I think his fish brain finally shut down for good**," Zetsu's dark side said with a snicker, followed shortly by the white. "Itachi looks pretty like that though.

**Tobi be a good boy and get in the school girl's outfit tonight when we go home**."

"Tobi will be a good boy and do like Zetsu says!"

It was Itachi's turn to be broken as he stared at Zetsu and Tobi. Matter of fact, everyone was broken, staring at the two in shock.

"I did not… need to know that," Pein muttered, head-desking hard to get the horrible images out of his head.

"That has to fucking be the worst damn thing that those I have ever fucking thought about," Hidan said with shudder, then jumped, smacking Kakuzu's hand,

stunning the miser.

"Hidan?" he questioned confused. Hidan smirked.

"You are not allowed to fucking touch me, bastard," he said, lifting Kakuzu's chin and giving a peck on his lips before getting out of reach.

"Why the hell not?" Kakuzu demanded.

"Not allowed," Itachi stated calmly, smacking Kisame's hand as the shark finally got his senses back. "No Kisame."

Both Kisame and Kakuzu glared at Deidara accusingly. Deidara just grinned and stood up from the table gracefully.

"Until they get what they want," Deidara said, "no one gets to touch them, un."

"What the hell do you want?" Kisame growled, reaching out and grabbing Itachi's wrist as he tried to walk to Deidara. Itachi snatched his wrist away and gave

Kisame a look.

"Sex," he said simply, causing Konan to pause, then glance at Pein who was wide eyed suddenly.

"Wait," he said. "Konan, wait. We've talked about this. You… Konan!"

The blue haired woman stood up and stood beside Deidara, Hidan and Itachi.

"Let's go boys," she said with a huff. "We have class."

They watched the four people walk away and Pein growled in irritation, head hitting on the desk over and over again.

"Shit… Shit... Shit. Damn you Deidara…"


End file.

Naruto, Humor, Romance