Harry Potter 1. Bad Intro

Hello, my name is hazel-jade and I shall be your guide for this horrible story. For those who don't know what my immortal is: it's the worst story on the internet. So to soften the blow I shall be commenting on this horrible piece of... Can I call it literature?

For those who already know what my immortal is feel free to compare this one with other commentators.

Last but not least, at the end of every chapter I will depict a way of killing the main character. Believe me, once we really get into this story you'll probably be hoping for this part.

Have a good tour and until next time.

Disclaimer: I don't own My Immortal or Harry Potter nor the idea for this fan fiction

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><p>AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)<strong>(I'll bet anything you aren't)<strong> 2 my gf (ew not in that way)**(And what's wrong with being gay? Of course, they would probably just pitch you right back from where you came from)** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.**(Believe me when I say that I hate raven and bloodytearz just because of this story)** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2!**(I highly doubt that he loves her back)** MCR ROX!**(I have no idea why she put that here...)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(I wonder if it all fit on her birth certificate)** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)**(Because that's the only way that parent's can decide how to name their children. If it had been me they would have named me brown)** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **(She died her hair)** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **(How are _your_ eyes like limpid tears?)** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(Yeah right, and I'm the Queen of England)**(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**(Kids, your father and I are brother and sister. That's called incest!)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.**(What's wrong with straight and white teeth? I for one like having my teeth)** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **(Sorry dear, it's in Scotland. Read the damn books!)** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen**)(I would have never guessed, thank God she told me!)** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **(I had to go on google for this and from what I see Hot Topic is only in the States, Puerto Rico and there's two in Canada. NOT IN SCOTLAND... that is all) **and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink **(Pink is not a gothic colour. Maybe it's a _goffik_ colour?)** fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **(Why would you need it, unless you _forgot_ you were a vampire.)**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.**(She told everything that she wore because...?)** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun**(no shit)**, which I was very happy about.**(So your _not_ one of those glittering vampires. Wow, sure fooled me.)** A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.**(Very mature)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!**(Oh No... It's Draco!)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**(A very interesting conversation, please, keep going.)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!**(I won't say anything here... too easy)**

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><p>(AN: Now it's my time! Like promised this is the way that I would kill the main character now)

When I arrived to my friends I noticed that they were each holding a machete.

"Are we playing a game?"

They all looked at me and nodded their heads before replying that the game was called: Kill Ebony with a machete! I thought they were only kidding because, be honest, who would want to kill me? But after the first swing of a machete I knew they weren't.


	2. Le Gasp!

Here's the second chapter my dear tourist's. And as your tour guide I have to warn you, nothing happens except for a gasp. Have fun on the second part of the tour!

Disclaimer: I don't own My Immortal (Thank God) or Harry Potter (Don't need any reminding, thank you very much) nor the idea for this fan fiction

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><p>Chapter 2.<p>

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!**(What happened to Raven?)** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!**(No, not ok! 1. How do you know that they're only preps who are flaming the story and 2. It is our civic duty to flame a really horrible story... And in other news: A cow fell into a well.)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.**(Thank God, `cuz I was going to say in the shower)** It was snowing and raining again.**(That is the best of weather)** I opened the door of my coffin** (A coffin has a door? Well... You learn something new everyday, don't you, I thought that it was lid)** and drank some blood from a bottle I had.**(Don't do that, you don't know where that bottle _or_ that blood has been!)** My coffin was black ebony**(Now I know where she got her name from!)** and inside it was hot pink **(Again with the _wonderful_ gothic... sorry I mean, goffic colours)** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.**(I don't really want to know what you wera to bed)** Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.**(I also don't care what you wear to go out either)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**(Cue self insert... Now!)** woke up **(In a coffin or a normal bed? Wait... Why do _I_ want to know this?)** then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven **(Again, I know where you got your name from)** black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **(Again, Vampire's don't need _WHITE_ foundation. Get some colour in there, STAT)** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. **(Let the gossip start.)**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.**(Awwww, She likes him *turns to Draco* RUN NOW!)**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.**(Secret passage that no one knows about?)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(Spoke to soon, you so like him *pokes Draco* WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.**(He's doomed)**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(It really shows here that she _does-_n't like him)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.**(Yeah, What?)**

"Well, Good Charlotte **(muggle band. How the hell does he know them?)** are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **(What the hell would a muggle band be doing in a wizard town? Kids and their imagination or lack there of in this case.)** he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **(No, say no!)**

I gasped. **(is that supposed to be a cliff hanger?)**

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><p>(AN: As promised, again, killing the main character)

I had gasped because suddenly I had felt a sharp pain in my chest. I struggled to keep breathing while Draco continued to talk about why I should go with him but then I collapsed and was no more.

Poppy Pomfrey, the mediwitch in the Hospital Wing looked at the young girl lying on a bed with disbelief: How did that child get a heart attack at such a young age?


	3. Flying car go BOOM!

Nothing really happens in this chapter either but I'm requierd to show it because the compagnie for this tour says so. Have fun on the continuation of the tour!

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><p>Chapter 3.<p>

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **(keep saying that and they'll just keep flaming) **odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(Did she just say good reviews? Who... What... How...? I'm flabergasted)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **(What happened to bloodytearz? Did the flamers want blood?)**oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. **(Here it goes again with the clothes. I'm extatic.)** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **(wonderful description)** on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.**(Straight and spiky?)** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.**(Wonderful idea, kids let's do what she just said! No little Thomie not like that.)** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.**(Now she figures it out!)** I drank some human blood **(From a bottle or did you just have a kid randomly there?)**so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.**(OMG! You have got to be kidding me. I learn that he's related to the Weasley's now?)** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too) **(They're also muggle so they would never be there)**, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).**(And why are you telling us this? Do we care? No, ok)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.**(You don't sound to depressed. Maybe she thinks she's depressed.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz** (How did you walk into it while it was flying? Did you jump?)** (the license plate said 666 **(I'm sure it needs a few more numbers or letters)**) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.**(Follow her example kids! That is not how you light a cigarette little Thomie.)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. **(I hope you broke both your legs.)**We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).<strong>(Thank you for telling us even if it's written in your other auther's note, unless you have short term memory loss which would explain ALOT.)<strong>

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco **(Never say that to a guy that likes you. What am I saying, GET AWAY FROM HER)**, pointing to him as he sung **(sang)**, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(Poor kid *looks at Draco* You are so much better whitought her, believe me! And why didn't you run when I told you to?)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed **(I have really weird images coming to mind when I read this sentence)**to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" **(Too bad for Draco)** I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **(Woos)** and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." **(Why? Sure she has no talent, a rich father that funds her job. But I don't hate her because I don't know her and I have a feeling that you don't either)** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(I may not like her but even I know that she looks decent. I say that Ebony is seeing alot of herself in other people)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco.**(The date is done *Turns to Draco* now would be a good time to run, just leave her there)** After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. **(Bet you they didn't get them)** We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz **(That's funny, I have a really funny image of them looking up at the car that's flying and them crawling on the ground)**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove **(Did he really drive the car or was it flying?)** the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **(Finally he see's sence! He's gone to kill her *Turns to Draco* took you long enough!)**

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><p>(AN: And for the moment you were all waiting for... huum... how am I going to kill her? Let's go with the obvious today!)

As Draco drove farther through the forest the trees started to get closer to gether but he didn't seem to worried about that and then suddenly... Draco wasn't there anymore! He had jumped out of the car! Why would he do that? I looked through the windshield and I could see the biggest tree in the forest coming closer and closer... Why weren't we stoping?

And suddenly the car crashed into the tree! And there was finally peace in the world!


	4. Pants? Where?

Be very careful with this chapter... It's just to horrible! THE HORROR! Even I can do a better sex scene then her, and I can't write one! Now where did I put that bottle of brain bleach?

Anyway, that's my rant. Have fun on the continuation of the tour!

I got tired of putting disclaimers so this is the last one: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! (That should do it!)

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><p>Chapter 4.<p>

AN: I sed stup flaming **(NO!)** ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(I thought you said her name was Ebony, you know, like the colour and who said that her name was Enoby? Must have been a typo... Or maybe I wanted to really piss her off!)** nut mary su **(Any where else it would have been Mary Sue)** OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her **(He only had one date with her! And not to mention that he's killing her at this very moment!... At least in my head he is.)** dat he is acting defrent! **(He's acting so different that we could call him OOC instead of Draco Malfoy)** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **(Where in the book do they meet? Oh, I forgot YOU DIDN'T READ THE BOOKS!)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(Is she mad or does she just like to shout?)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **(And broke both his legs when he landed on the ground *turns to Draco* at least you're away from her if it makes you feel better)** I walked out of it too, curiously. **(And died when she slamed into the ground and Draco started to laugh maniacally)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(Shit, she's not dead. And she's angry! Quick, feed her to keep her peaceful... Maybe she wants a sacrifice?)**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **(Hurry up and kill her Draco or she'll...)**

Draco leaned in extra-close **(Damn, too late)** and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts **(What an idiot. His eyes where so much better when they WEREN'T RED!)** ) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(OMG! Seriously, go see a counselor!)**

And then… **(Watch this, funny as hell)** suddenly just as **(-)** I Draco **(- See... It's as if she lost her train of thought! Or maybe she thought she was Draco? OMG, SHE'S KISSING HERSELF)** kissed me passionately. Draco climbed **(Is she a wall?)** on top of me and we started to make out keenly **(Went on google for this... Keenly: Definition: Having a fine, sharp cutting edge or point. So their making out sharply?) **against a tree. **(Wouldn't it be better in a bed? Just asking)** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **(What happened to your pants? Did they suddenly magicaly disapear?)** I even took of my bra. **(What an accomplishment. You should _so_ have a medal for taking the time to take it off.)** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(HAHAHA! OMG, that has to be the best line ever! And what the hell happened to her pants? Did he just go through them? OMG Mental images, Mental images! Quick GET ME THE BRAIN BLEACH!)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. **(Why would you even be writing this? At least say something intelligent like "I love you"... Why am I helping her?)** I was beginning to get an orgasm. **(Thank you for telling us.)** We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **(Which is understandable... Wait... Your a Vampire right? Aren't vampires supposed to be cold?)** And then…. **(Oh no, What's going to happen?...)**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **(HAHAHA! Certainly kills the mood!)**

It was….Dumbledore! **(WTF! But... Dumbledore never swears... ever. I'M CONFUSED!)**

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><p>(AN: My turn! Finally!)

But there was something different about him. Maybe it was the swearing or maybe it was the gun he was carying. Anyway, he looked at Draco and asked him why he had tainted himself. I was confused!

But when Draco told him that I had used some sort of telekinetic energie to drive him to me I was beyond mad. How dare he tell Dumbledore my powers! I tryed to lunge for him to kill him but Dumbledore only lifted his gun and shot me twice. I tryed again but this time he emptied the gun into me.

Dumbledore looked at Draco and asked if he was okay. Draco looked up at him and asked if it was all over. "Yes, Draco, it's over now." And they both walked towards the castle never giving the body a second look. Because, seriously, who would want to!


	5. Are you MAD?

Nothing really happens in this chapter except for a song that is wrongly interpretated!

Best idea Draco ever had! Anyway, have fun on the tour!

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><p>Chapter 5.<p>

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(Wrong! You're the prep)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **(HAHAHA! Dumbledore wouldn't even swear on his death bed! He'd probably be thinking *This would be a good time to start swearing... Maybe later*)** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **(Obviously! Anyone else would. Poor, poor Draco)** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!**(How did you get the first ones?)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. **(Phrase does not make sence. There's an extra "and" in there. And did he at least let them get dressed?)** He kept shouting at us angrily. **(well, I'd be angry too if they did that in MY forest!)**

"You ludacris fools!" **(Did he suddenly become a rapper. His name could be "HEY DOG DUMBLE")** he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood **(That is not good. Go to the hospital! Wait... What am I saying?... DIE BITCH DIE!)** down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. **(*turns to Draco* I TOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE HER ALONE!)** When we went back to the castle **(Please tell me that you're dressed at least)** Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **(They don't know what the kids did yet so they're probably thinking *it must have been bad to make Dumbledore pissed off. I'll just look angry.*)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **(Now he told them! I was wondering when it was gonna come.)**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" **(_mediocre dunces_? What the heck is that? Is that even a swear?)** asked Professor McGonagall. **(I thought she was Gryffindor's head of house. What the hell is she doing here when they're both in Slytherin?)**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **(You've only been with her for one date and you love her? *turns to Draco* SEE WHAT SHE'S MAKING YOU DO! NOW GO _KILL_ HER!)**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(What! That easily? *Turns to Snape* Oh Snape, guess what she's making you do!... All he did was start grumbling in the background and start a potion. No fun there. _That's because I'm gonna poison her!_)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **(I still can't believe they got away with it. If it had happened at my school they would have, Oh I don't know, GOTTEN EXPELED!)**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" **(Don't let her be ok, don't let her be ok)** Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **(You are such a bad liar _I guess_ seriously?)** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **(You're going to bed in that? Are you CRAZY?... Never mind, I answered my own question)** When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **(He stayed there for the whole time? Or was he just passing by and you thought he was standing there? And what the hell is he doing in the girl's dorm?)** and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **(That's not a love song! He's practicaly telling her to leave him alone! *turns to Draco* It's about time you see sense!)** I was so flattered, **(She is an idiot if she doesn't know what the song says. Go type in the lyrics in Google, you'll see I'm right.)** even though he wasn't supposed to be there**(No shit Shelock, Thanks for the Heads up)**. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly **(Eagerly)** went back into his room.

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><p>(AN: My turn!)

As I glanced one last time at him I noticed that he had stopped moving. I watched him as he slowly turned around and looked my way. He walked back to me and said in that sexy voice of his "I forgot to do something Ebony. But first I need you to answer a question."

I nodded my head to show him that he could ask. "Would you forgive me for anything that i did?" And at that moment... he slashed my throat. I hadn't even noticed that knife that he had been holding in his hand that whole time.


	6. Vampire? Not!

Chapter 6. Hurray, we've survived this far! Do you think we can survive longer? I'm hoping to be able to finnish this whole tour before I crawl into a hole and die because of this. Anyway, not your problem, let's get on with the tour my dear tourists!

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><p>Chapter 6.<p>

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(Did she ever get good reviews for this when it was still on fanfiction?)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **(Too bad, I was hoping she wouldn't wake up at all)** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **(Good for you, slut)** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. **(She's a vampire? With crosses in her ears? Talk about a great suicide!)** I spray-painted my hair **(You, my dear, are an idiot. But we already know that, don't we?)**with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **(Is this supposed to be funny or just ironic?)** cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **(Something tells me she likes blood, but I can't put my finger on why... Oh, yeah... She's a goff/vampire/witch that likes to make weird story's)** Suddenly someone bumped into me. **(Please, tell me that this person staked her)** All the blood spilled over my top. **(The blood in the bowl or the glass? Come on, people want to know)**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair **(Don't tell me she did that.)** with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **(She was going down his face? That's a new one)** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **(Please, someone, tell me she didn't do what I think she did)** and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's **(Stupid idiot's)** and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(Crap... She did do it!)**He had a manly stubble on his chin. **(Just his chin?)** He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **(I highly doubt that)** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl **(Really? I haven't noticed)** so I didn't get one **(One what? Oh, sorry, your talking about an erection. I thought you meant hair transplants)** you sicko. **(Why thank you, bitch)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **(Must have been a terrified voice because he was dragged in the story)**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **(Don't you already know? 'Cuz with that description, I think you do)**

"My name's Harry Potter **(NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I was hoping to be wrong)**, although most people call me Vampire **(I officially HATE this author... Seriously? Vampire? Let's go drain her blood and give it to people who really need it! And now I will officially never call her an "author" again. I'll call her... Retard)** these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." **(You have got to be kidding me *Turns to Harry* What the hell is wrong with you?)** he giggled. **(I'm sorry, but I'm trying to picture Harry giggling and it's just not working) **

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **(Did she just turn him into a whimp?)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(Wow. You, my dear Retard, are retarded)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(Nice of you to just leave Vampire/Harry in the dust. *Turns to Draco* Now's your chance, kill her)**

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><p>(AN: Now, it's my turn. How do I kill her?)

I looked at Draco lovingly while wondering where he was taking me for my surprise. He just looked at me with his red eyes and told me that we were almost there. As we climbed the stairs that he said where the last ones that we had to take I realized that we were going up the astronomie tower.

As we arrived at the top he told me to look at the horizon as he led me to the edge. When we reached the edge of the tower he stoped me. The view took my breath away. And so did the fall to the ground.

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><p>(Surprise author's note: If you guys have any ideas for me or any comments at all, don't be shy in presing that little <em>review chapter<em> button on the bottom of the page please.)


	7. Class? Who needs it!

Hey, I'm back! Did you miss me? Of course you didn't. Anyway, let's continue with the tour! Passively.

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><p>Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life <strong>(Why she gave this chapter a title I have no idea... Probably just to waste our time...)<strong>

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(From who? Prove it!)** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **(The tin god aint gonna help you now)** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **(Would what I'm writting be considered a Flame? I hope so!)** Evony **(Now she forgets her main characters name, this is getting hopeless)** isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! **(Is that her only imperfection? Because if it is, she's a Mary Sue)** n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **(Yes, because the way you portray depressed people is the same as in real life)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **(Why did she have the need to inform us of the nail polish?)** as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **(... Now I know! It was to confuse the hell out of us! Congratulations, you succeeded)** (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **(Why, yes it does)** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(I say you're just confusing things up. Too me, he looked quite happy to see you leaving)** I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **(If you want to say that he wanted _you_ I wouldn't put it that way, retard. But if you wanted Vampire to want Draco, then it's just fine that way)** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. **(I know whats coming... let's prepare the brain bleach, shall we)** Then…

We started frenching passively **(So, you weren't really interested in what you were doing?)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. **(Don't forget the pants this time)** He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **(That thing must be uncomfortable)** and he took off his pants. **(Now don't forget your pants)** We went on the bed and started making out naked **(WRONG! You forgot the pants!)** and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(So you have a _boy's thingy_, to use your words, as well. That does not work very well)** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Yes, Retard, it is)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **(How lovely. Thank you for informing us of this)** when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **(Who would look at the arms of their lover while having sex? It shows that Ebony/Evony isn't really into this)** It was a black heart with an arrow through it. **(The dark mark would have been _way_ better)** On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **(Oh no! Poor Harry is getting dragged into this)**

I was so angry. **(Why? It's just a tattoo)**

"You bastard!" **(Bitch! See, I can do it too)** I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **(And that tells us that she knows nothing)**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(Then you would have it too! This means, ladys and gentlemen, to always check on your partners before sexual intercourse. WOW, we learned something at the expense of a character!)**

I put on my clothes all huffily **(Let's go to google for this one! Deffinition: _adj. huff·i·er, huff·i·est. 1. Easily offended; touchy. 2. Irritated or annoyed; indignant._ Well, at least she got one thing right! Unlike the others)** and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **(If this where really Draco he wouldn't do that *Turns to Draco* Right? Please tell me you didn't) **He had a really big you-know-what **(Come on, just say it. It's easy, say it with me _Penis)_** but I was too mad to care. **(So the _really big you-know-what_ should have stopped you from leaving?)** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom **(So you where doing this while you where supposed to be in class? You need an intervention... Or a bullet in your head. Eather one is fine with me!)** where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **(Other people where teaching with Sanpe? And they where only teaching one kid?)**

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(SHUT UP YOU WHORE! See, I can yell too)**

* * *

><p>(AN: It's my turn! I feel like giving her a quick death today, so I'm sorry for everyone who was expecting something better. BWAHAHAHAHAHa *Cough Cough*)

Vampire/Harry looked up at the noice/screech. As Ebony/Enoby started to walk to him he did the only thing he could think of... He took out a stake and plunged it into her heart. I guess no one had learned that Vampire/Harry was a Vampire hunter. Talk about hilarity!


	8. Bust a move!

I'm Back! BWAHAHAHA!

Now, who want's to bust/burst into tears with me? If you do it because of this story, I won't blame you. Good luck my tourists...

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><p>Chapter 8.<p>

AN: stop flassing ok! **(What in the world does Flassing mean? It's not on google but I went on urban dictionnary and got this: _Flassing is recommended for people who have a great deal of things stuffed in or up their cracks that they become stiff and obnoxious._ So, apparently to her, we have something up our a$$ and we _need_ to _stop_ getting it out. OMG!)** if u do den u r a prep! **(Thank the tin god! Only _preps_ have this problem... No wonder Retard said that, she has the problem!) **

Everyone in the class stared at me **(No shit Sherlock!)** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **(I think it went more along the lines of: _I'M FREE! Thank you sooo much!)_**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" **(That part is probably true)** Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **(I love google: _understated**:** avoiding obvious emphasis or embellishment._ See, even her friend hates her) **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair **(Hair can be gothic? It's probably _Goffic_)** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **(Let me try to understand that phrase. "_opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on_." So she opened her eyes that looked like blood but she was wearing contacts? Retard, I really don't like being confused!) **She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **(Why? Your already white enough as it is. Great, now Retard has me sounding like a racist! Way. To. Go.)** Hermione **(NOOOOOOOOO! How dare she! I'm changing Retard's name to Stupid now)** was kidnapped when she was born. **(But the people who read the books or even saw the movies know that it isn't true)** Her real parents are vampires **(Bull shit!)** and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **(I have a feeling I already read this before... Or maybe it's just my imagination)** She still has nightmares about it **(If she was kidnapped when she was born... Let's put it this way: Do you remember when _you_ were born? ... Exactly)** and she is very haunted and depressed. **(Just because she's, apparently, your best friend)** It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. **(Poor girl... So un-original)** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **(Your religion does not make you a Slytherin you idiot! And if you read the books you would know that _no one _changes houses)**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **(_ridiculous dimwit_ Let me guess... Stupid came up with it all by herself?)**Snape demeaned **(If you mean demanded, IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO TYPE IT!)** angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **(Not a good thing ignoring a teacher, *In a sing-song voice* you'll get in trouble)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" **(But... but... You weren't with Vampire/Harry... You're dating Draco... Sorta...)** I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped. **(Yeah, because it's everyone's bussiness)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(Did she just change point of View? What were you thinking Stupid?)** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **(Then what's the problem?)** for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. **(Wow, aren't you Happy go Lucky?)** We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, **(Obviously. In this story everyone has problems with Ebony/Enoby... Oh, you weren't talking about that? You know what... In this story I wouldn't be surprised if someone died and came back)** and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **(Talk about being an a$$hole *Turns to Draco* It's okay, I know you're under alot of stress right now)**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" **(But... She said... Never mind, I give up)** said Vampire. **(Are we still with Draco's Point of View?)**

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" **(Bitch! Go fuck yourself!)** I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest **(Get eaten by something, Get eaten by something)** where I had lost my virility **(_Definition: 1. Of, relating to, or having the characteristics of an adult male or 2. (of a male) possessing high sexual drive and capacity for sexual intercourse._ So, did you _really_ loose your virility? 'Cuz if you did, I think there's something you're not telling us.)** to Draco and then I started to bust **(A move!)** into tears. **(Too bad she didn't burst into flames)**

* * *

><p>(AN: My turn! What shall I do next? How about random dancing? Just kidding... This is better than that)

As I was crying against the tree that me and Draco did it on. The rain stopped. That was weird... It never stopped raining over here. And then my problems really started. I could see the sun starting to show! I backed up a little more into the forest to see if the sun would come out or not.

When I saw that it was coming out I started to run farther into the forest to escape it because, seriously, who-ever heard of a vampire that doesn't burn or explode in the sun. When I finally reached a part of the Forest that the sun didn't show through the trees, I stopped running.

At that moment I heard a growl. Where was I? And what was the thing that growled?

I turned around slowly and saw an eight legged thing.

And that was the last thing I ever...

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><p>(Surprise AN again: Now my dear tourists, it's time to click that little button called the _Review Chapter_ button! Please?


	9. Poor Cat

How are you, my tourists, enjoying the ride? For the ones who are a little confused as to who is who in this story: **I write in bold** and the A-U-T-H-O-R of the orignal story does not. Now on with the tour!

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><p>Chapter 9.<p>

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **(You didn't even read one)** dis is frum da movie **(What movie is she talking about? Alice in Wonderland?)** ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **(Yes it is Stupid you're the A-U-T-H-O-R)** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap **(Who the heck is Snap?)** dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **(Now that is stupid. Which goes great with Stupid!)** MCR ROX! **(Why don't you learn how to spell? I'm getting tired of trying to read this) (For the ones who forgot: I changed Retard's name to Stupid in the last chapter! Wow, she already went through two names already!)**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **(But... he didn't. Never mind, if she wants to believe that, who am I to say other than: RUN DRACO, RUN!)** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(That, my dear Stupid, is extremely _interesting_)**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **(Nice description)** started flying towards me on a broomstick! **(Why not a car?) **He didn't have a nose **(You just said that. How's the short term memory?)** (basically like Voldemort in the movie) **(No shit, except he didin't have a broom)** and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. **(Because all black is the gothic description, of course)** It was… Voldemort! **(No shit Sherlock!)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice **(Did she even try to run away?)** but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **(I'm sure that it couldn't be the Imperio spell. So what did Imperius do... It made her grow roots!)**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **(Crookshanks? HOW DARE YOU PUT THAT CAT IN DANGER! and it's not even a spell)** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **(So you mean Crucio? How in the world did you mix that up with a CAT?)** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **(You stopped feeling bad or you stopped the spell?)**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(Why is he talking in the old english? How art thou?)**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair **(Hair is not gothic! How many times do I have to tell you?)** and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. **(Now, Stupid, you're just making that up)** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(She thinks about that _NOW! _This is not the time for that kind of revelation!)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **(Did you forget that he can and will kill you if he feels like it?)**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(Doesn't she have a wand?)** "No! Please!" I begged. **(Now you're just pathetic)**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **(NOOOOO! *Turns to Draco* I _told_ you this chick was bad news! Why didn't you listen to me?)**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **(He's Voldemort, he knows... He just does)**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **(I've had one ever since I started to read this)** "I hath telekinesis." **(Oh, Google: _telekinesis n. The movement of objects by scientifically inexplicable means, as by the exercise of an occult power. _He can move objects... What that has with him knowing she's with Draco... I don't know)  
><strong>he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" **(No, I don't know. Are you going to tickle him?)** he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **(Why is he using a broomstick? Can't he fly?)**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. **(Don't forget: she's still rooted to the ground)** Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **(This kid has great timing!)**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(A little too happy there)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation **(He's pale enough as it is)** and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram **(He... has pentagrams on his eyes?)** (geddit) **(No... I don't)** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **(Now that makes no sence!)**

"Are you okay?" I asked. **(Obviously not, he's with you!)**

"No." he answered. **(See, I was right!)**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." **(You are so stupid!)** I expelled. **(OMG! She got expelled! We can stop here!)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts **(Helloooo! Remember: rooted to the ground? Get back over there!)** together making out. **(Thanks for getting my hopes up then crashing them down)**

* * *

><p>(AN: someone gave me a wonderful idea! I had so much fun with this one.)

"Thou must die, Enoby!" cried Voldemort wisely. He suddenly appeared in front of us.

"Oh No! Draco please protect me!" I turned around to se Draco running the other way shouting that he gave permision to Voldemort to kill me. I turned back to Voldemort and took out the gun that he gave me... and through it at him!

Voldemort got another one of those dude-ur-so-retarded looks on his pale white face and took out his wand. As he pointed it at me I looked into his red cold eyes... and fell in love!

And then everything went dark.


	10. Wrist Slitting and DEATH!

Welcome back! In this chapter Draco has good timing and dies in a way that is not possible. Yeah, try to figure that one out. Now my dear tourists: Read and Review and have fun doing it!

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><p>Chapter 10.<p>

AN: stup it u gay fags **(I learned not so long ago that Fags where cigarettes.)** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **(NO!)** ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **(Didn't she tell us that in the story? Like, the last chapter?)**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **(Who the heck is Vlodemort?)** all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(Now it's getting even more pathetic! Why doesn't Stupid stop the story right here? I know! She wants to increse the suicide rates!)** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **(Yeah right)** People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **(How doews that work?)** The other people in the band are **(Hermione)** B'loody Mary, **(Harry)** Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. **(Why?)** He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **(It was better when it was red)** and Hargrid. **(Do you mean Hagrid?)** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **(I can see that she's sooo woried)** (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s **(But... She wore crosses as earings a couple of chapters ago)** (there's no way I'm writing that) **(You are so stupid)** or a steak) **(HAHAHA! A slab of meat can kill vampires! Now I'm sad that vampires aren't real.)** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **(I bet you anything that Stupid believes that it's scary. IT'S A DAMN DISNEY MOVIE! Not that there's anything wrong with disney)** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **(We don't care)** You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **(Is this supposed to be a joke because if not I'm still laughing!)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust **(A move!)** into tears. **(Why?)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **(So she doesn't just have one voice, she has a whole concert. Wish I was that talented)**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **(OK, OK, Calm down. She was just asking a question. No need to bite her head off)** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, **(You want to Fuck him? GREAT GOD, BRAIN BLEACH NOW!)** he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. **(It's all in the past anyway)** But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **(Question: If Voldemort can get into the forbiden forest, he can go to the castle, right? So why didn't Voldemort go kill Harry/Vampire himself and save us the headache?)** I burst **(Finally got it right)** into tears. **(Again? What is wrong with you?)**  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>(Like I said: Good timing!)<strong>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" **(I've just noticed that she keeps using the word "Fuck". So, she was in a good mood or what?)** he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" **(*Turns to Draco* Even if she did deserve that instead of insulting her KILL HER AND GET OUT OF THE DAMN STORY!)** (c is dat out of character?) **(Yes, it is.)**

I started to cry and cry. **(You already said that)** Draco started to cry too all sensitive. **(Man up Draco!)** Then he ran out crying. **(For Pete's sake *Turns to Draco* Are you serious? Why don't you just kill her already instead of crying? It would save both of us the trouble)**

We practiced for one more hour. **(I can see that you don't care about Draco.)** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(Who cares if he has a headache or not! Fine, yesterday, I had a headache)**

"What have you done!" **(I don't know. What did I do?)** He started to cry wisely. **(How in the world can someone cry wisely? Even the Dalai Lama can't do that!)** (c dats basically nut swering **(No shit he's not swearing! But everyone else was)** and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) **(Do I even want to know?)** "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. **(Joy to the world, The Saviours Born... Sorry)** He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(But... She practically said that he couldn't commit suicide by doing that! I blame Stupid's short term memory loss)**

* * *

><p>(AN: And this is were she dies!)

I couldn't believe it! Why would he even want to kill himself? He was dating _me_! It was too much.

I ran out of the room and into my room. I locked the door and looked around for my goffik knife. It has little red skulls on it! When I found it I didn't stop to think and slit my throat.

In another part of the castle:

"Do you think she fell for it?" Dumbledore looked at Draco and nodded his head.


	11. Other Factors?

Now the confusion starts... Like it wasn't already confusing! And as you guys can see in this chapter: I'm really starting to get tired of this story! But I will continue for you my beloved tourist! I will prevail! Wow, I'm becoming really sentimental! I blame this _thing_.

Anyway, Read and Review my beloved tourist!

PS: I showed my english teacher this _thing_ without my commentaries, let's just say that she couldn't read it without a headache. Now I feel really bad for the english language... It's been massacred

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><p>Chapter 11.<p>

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! **(NO! I refuse!)** c if dis chaptr is srupid! **(I predict that, yes, it is stupid)** 1111 **(I have no idea why the 1's are there)** it delz wit rly sris issus! **(Which ones? How to make a Mary Sue story keep going on forever?)** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz **(I still don't know what "Fangs" means)** 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **(Again: what happened to bloodytears?)**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **(No shit!)** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **(She was just trying to help you, don't need to be a bitch about it!)** and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting **(Shouting what? Come on, people want to know!)** but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **(No, he would look like a conserned headmaster. But of course, no one wants to look like that)**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **(Why don't you die of blood loss?)** and then I slit both of my wrists. **(My question still stands here)** They **(Who's "they"?)** got all over my clothes so I took them off **(Did you also take off your leather bra? Come on, people want to know!)** and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **(DEATH BY MEAT! Now that's the way to go!)** I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **(Unfortunately on google I only found people with the last name as SANDLY. So, I have no idea what she wants to say here)** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. **(Neither can I. _Six pairs of _earings? How big _are_ your ears?) **Then I looked out the window and screamed… **(You saw a butterfly?)** Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! **(Helloooo. You just put on clothes. You are not naked)** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel **(Why would you need that when you're wearing clothes?)** with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **(I have a towel with Harry Potter on it. BEAT THAT!)** Suddenly Vampire ran in. **(If Dumbledore wasn't allowed to go in because he would look like a pedo, what does this make Vampire/Harry?)**

"Abra Kedavra!" **(He want's to make a bunny come out of a hat and kill you?)** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(His womb? looks like there's something that _someone's_ not telling us)** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin **(Why? The bunny already killed them)** a gazillion times **(You wouldn't have enough bullets)** and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **(Now he's allowed to come in? Without looking like a pedophile?) **"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has **(What? Has what?)** - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **(YESSSSSSSSSSS!)** he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… **(Made the rabbit attack that idiot of a Mary Sue!)**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **(Is he trying to get in the air?)** and said everyone we need to talk. **(No shit! So, if he says we need to talk, let's talk! This story sucks so much that I don't even know why I keep commenting on it but I know that I just have to. I can't leave my lovely tourists in the dust! So, I shall continue!)**

"What do you know, Hargrid? **(He knows a lot of things)** You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **(WHAT! A hogwarts student? He's not a Hogwarts student! They snapped his wand before this! He's the grounds keeper!)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." **(NOT!)** Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(Why does everyone in this story have to be a satanist?)**

"This cannot be." **(Unfortunately, it is!)** Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. **(Dumbledore didn't even shoot him! All he did was wave his wand! Nothing else!)** "There must be other factors." **(There aren't any other factors! The point is that this story sucks, end of story! Oops, Sorry... You were talking about something else)**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" **(Any what? Bunny's? Lasagna? x-ray vision?)** I yelled in madly. **(In this I agree, you are MAD!)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **(I love this word! It makes me laugh!)** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **(Who cares)**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **(That's because you slit your wrist. Remember the word: _Bleeding_**!)** **

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily **(Is Loopin, who ever that is, asking himself why he's doing this? And I thought Stupid had a short memory *Shakes head*)** while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(Hurray for google! _Clook Internet, a UK web host, is a provider of website hosting services such as VPS, dedicated servers, reseller... _So... He's rubbing his dirty hands on a web page?)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **(What is she talking about? Who is she talking about? Why is she writing this? When will the madness stop? This was: Questions that will never be answered by your host hazel-jade)** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(Why don't you use option 3? Die and be done with it!)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." **(It must be so hard for him)** Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. **(Is something important going to happen?)** Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **(NO!)**

"Because you're goffic?" **(Didn't you understand? Good, 'cuz I didn't either)** Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **(Oh... What does that have to do with anything?)**

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Would you die for her? 'Cuz I wouldn't. I'd be the first to "_accidentaly_" push her of a cliff and await the wonderful sound of her hitting the... pavement? Ground? Which ever works best for you!)**

* * *

><p>(AN: I just got a wonderful idea from Peirl. I don't know if this is what he/she meant but this is the image that came to mind. And... it had to be done!)

We were suddenly transported to the side of a cliff for no apparent reason! Because I felt faint I wobbled to the side of the cliff and suddenly... A random person ran up behind me and pushed me off the cliff!

As I was falling I noticed a small speck on the ground, that when I got closer to it I noticed, it was a cat! And then I slamed into the hard pavement with a sickening crunch!

On top of the cliff: "Why did you do that?" Sanpe asked the random person. "Because it had to be done."

On the pavement Crookshanks was having a light snack!


	12. I did a Funny!

Hello again! After this chapter I'll try to figure out a way to translate her A-U-T-H-O-R's notes. It'll be easier for everyone! Unless you guys don't want me to do that. So, Review, Review and Review. Tell me what you think! And off with the tour!

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><p>Chapter 12.<p>

AN: stop f,aing **(There are no definitions for this, it's just sad)** ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz **(Hogwarts is NOT an American school, it is in Scottland. You idiot)** r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **(Somehow, I feel like she has to validate her story with these A-U-T-H-O-R'S NOTES)** how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **(WHEN IN THE WORLD WAS CEDRIC EVER IN THIS STORY! WHY DON'T YOU START MAKING SENSE? Will these questions ever be answered? Probably not. Maybe in another one of her a-u-t-h-o-r's notes?)**

I was about to slit my wrists **(DO IT!)** again with the silver knife that Drago **(Who's Drago? Isn't it supposed to be Draco? Great. Another person that we have to look out for.)** had given me in case anything happened to him. **(How sweet! He wants her to kill herself!)** He had told me to use it valiantly **(Google told me that valiantly meant brave)** against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **(Does this sound brave to you?)**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS **(What's with the random CAPITALIZED letters?)** HAIRgrid **(A grid with hair! What will we see next?)** but it was Vampire. **(And.. he suddenly ruins my dream)** He started to scream. **(Wait a minute... Where are they? In her room or a hall way?)** "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **(In chapter, I don't know, she said that he didn't have a scar anymore... So, What the hell is going on?)** and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(This is not good, GO SEE A DOCTOR!)**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **(About what? That you where going to stab yourself in your own bedroom or hall way? Or are we talking about something else?)**

"I saw it! **(Well, good for you. Now if we could only know what you saw...)** And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(What... How... When... Why? Would someone tell me what the hell is going ON! What does he mean by _my scar turned back into the lightning bolt_? Didn't it magically disapear? Without explanation?)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" **(THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT!)** I shouted. **(AND STOP SHOUTING! Oh... Sorry)**

"I do but Diabolo **(Who the heck is Diabolo? I know what we should do! Lets name random people's name: Carl, Charlie, Hunter, Marcus, Theodore and William!)** changed it into a pentagram **(Who the hell would wear a pentagram on their foreheads?... Don't answer that)** for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt **(NO SHIT SHERLOCK! Thanks for clearing that up for us!)** and it turned back into the lightning bolt! **(THE lightning bolt! Not a lightning bolt, THE)** Save me! **(No!)** then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **(But... Draco's dead! Soooo, Necrophilia! And Dominatrix! Together, reunited only today!)**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **(What just happened here? And aren't you a vampire? You're supposed to heal easily)** Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **(There going there to see the Fruit Doctor! I hear that he's the best Doctor in Fruit Town)** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles **(They're going to a hospital? Where there could be kids? Okay Kids, meet uncle Snap, Loopin and Hahrid. They're going to take care of you now! Have fun!)** and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **(Yes, you're right. Except for one thing: Pedophiles usally like the _younger_ kids)** Dumbledore had constipated **(She wanted to say confiscated. How the hell did she mix does two words together? Is Stupid even watching what she types?)** the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **(Oh, you're always so nice. Come here so I can strangle you)**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed **(I'm hoping that he'll kill her. But I know that I'm just getting my hopes up)** holding a bouquet of pink roses. **(Great, aren't you the gentleman)**

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." **(What is it? I'm listening)** he said in a v. **(SHE COULDN'T EVEN TROUBLE HERSELF TO SPELL THE WORD _VERY_! Talk about being lazy)** serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." **(You're always so nice. Come her so I can stab you)** I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink **(And yet everything she wears has pink in it and even her coffin has pink. Me thinks you lie!)** anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." **(Well fine. I don't like you either. So there)** I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **(So... She had a tik? Not a very good thing you know. There could be more... just warning you)**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **(Then what are they? Dogs? Cats? Pigs in a blanket?)**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **(I don't get it... Wait... Maybe I do. Do you guys get it?)** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **(Just because there pink or because there roses too?)**

"I saved your life!" **(When?)** He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." **(No he didn't I said)** "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- **(She can't even say porno! Come on say it with me "Porno" See, it's not that hard)** video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **(Yes it is wrong. Come on, type it with me: It's M-A-S-T-E-R-B-A-T-E-D = Masterbated. Now was that hard?)** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **(So she is girly! I knew it!)**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." **(You already said that. Get with the program already!)** He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **(I want honesty. See, not working)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **(There isn't a wise bone in your body. But Dumbledore, well hell, he can even cry wisely. Now what does that say about him?)**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." **(Why would you need them? The world would be so much more peaceful without Stupid being able to talk or type)** Then he screamed. **(Ok, calm down)** "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **(I'm laughing so hard right now! It's so hard to type! All that for a spell!)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **(Yeah, we know. Again, how's the memory?)** Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **(Just because he turned a rose into a ball of black flames? Give me a wand and I could do the same thing except with a shorter spell)**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(I'm not sure about Drako but Drago is a person in this story and Draco is your supposedly dead boyfriend that I ordered to kill you so many times than I can count and yet... He still hasn't done it!)**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. **(Well, I hate to be a smart a$$ but, you can see the colour black!)**

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, **(Where did he come from *Turns to Dumbledore* You almost gave me a heart attack!)** watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **(hahaha. No, sorry. Not funny)** u mst find urslf 1st, k?" **(Why does he suddenly talk like Stupid? Oh no! You don't think that she's changing him into... _that_?)**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" **(Ok, calm down)** Hargrid yelled. **(Wait... wasn't Dumbledore talking to Ebony/Enoby/Evony? What ever her name is)** dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **(No he's not, now take that back!)**

Anyway **(But... We want to know what was with the black ball of fire? YOU CAN'T DO THAT! TELL US NOW!)** when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff **(Again... Wonderful description)** on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **(I'll let him know that you like to walk on him. OMG! I did a funny!)** I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **(Oh, I know who she is. She's from the ring, remember? And why the hell would you want to look like her?)** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **(Lipstick and lip gloss do NOT go together. That much I know)**

"You look kawai, **(Why are you suddenly talking japanese? I learned from google that it's supposed to mean "cute" but she's missing an "i")** girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **(A friend at school explained it to me. Thanks BriarBaneRose! But it's still not funny)** you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. **(Ok... About what now?)** I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. **(That takes the fun out of everything! Now come on kids, let's do what Stupid told us to do! No little Tommy You hold the blade the other way! Give. Me. That.)** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. **(I think she's learning)** I went to some classes. **(Now that's freeky. Is she on the same wave lenght as me? Oh God! Get Stupid out of my head! NOW!)** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **(Because you need to know how to groom those little bastards as they attack you)** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. **(Yes, we know that)** He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(Wait... Isn't Vampire/Harry still human? And a Hufflepuff? Boy, do you have bad taste!)**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. **(Was he still sucking blood from the Hufflepuff or did he let the poor kid go?)** "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. **(Ok?)**

We both looked at each other for some time. **(For how much time? Enough time to go grab a sandwich?)** Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. **(They probably got their contacts at the same place)** Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **(Oh, the wonderful images that this places in my brain. QUICK BRAIN BLEACH!)**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **(The only swears that I like come from the teachers because they're original! I love it!)** shouted Professor McGoggle **(_McGoggle_? Picture McGonagall, red in the face,**** with the glassses of Trelawney. I'm giggling)** who was watching us and so was everyone else. **(What did you expect? It's a free show. Everyone likes a free show)**

"Vampire you fucker!" **(You're such a nice person. Come here so I can push you off a cliff)** I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **(Takes two to Tango dipshit!)** You know I loved Draco!" **(Loved him? As in, don't love him anymore? Then why are you complaining? You're slut anyway, enjoy!)** I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **(With steam coming out of her ears)**

Just then he started to scream. **(Am I having Déjà Vu?)** "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(I am! I am having Déjà Vu!)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. **(Her memory must be so fucked up right now)**

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **(Why is it here? Did she just decide to confuse us more?)**

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **(Oooooooo. Scary.)**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS! **(What I'm getting from this is that Stupid isn't the real A-u-t-h-o-r, it's Raven? Wow, That's a shocker)** 11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **(You what? Forgot where you put it? Forgot it at her place? Threw it in a dumpster?)**

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><p>(BWAHAHAHA *Cough* I Seem to have run out of steam. Now I have no idea what to write here so, Thank you Stupid for the idea!)<p>

I ran into my room crying. how could Voldemort have _my_ Drago? Why did he have him in bondage?

I tried to take of my sweater but suddenly someone knocked at the door! I turned around to fast and the sweater twisted itself around my neck! I panicked and slamed to the ground!

I couldn't breathe...

Outside of the room: Hagrid screamed to be heard through the wood of the door "Hey, Enoby, I got to show you this cool tric with flowers!"


	13. Apprentices?

Yay! We made it this far now only 44-13=31 chapters left. Great. That's a downer! But on the bright side: This is a short chapter! Anyway, thanks for the reviews! And, in advance, if I insult you in this chapter: I am very sorry.

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><p>(<strong>I said I would translate her a-u-t-h-o-r's notes didn't I ?: <em>Raven thanks for helping me again I'm sorry I took your poster of Gerard but that guy is such a fucking sexbom! PREPS STLOP FLAMING!<em>)**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen **(Apparently her help isn't helping because the story is getting worse)** im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard **(You stole her poster! You fucking bitch! How dare you! In other news: Lassy saved another child!)** but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **(NO!)**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. **(Is this about Draco being in bondage by Voldemort? He's dead so who cares?)**

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" **(One out of two are right. She's improving!)** we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" **(I love the swears! They're a joy to see!)** he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" **(Wait... Who's Volsemort?... Is he Voldemorts apprentice?)** we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Dumbledore? Evil? In the same sentence?... I think Stupid just fried my brain)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" **(No, you don't. He's dead! Get over it. If Voldemort wants to something with the body, that's his own business)** we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **(I now call you a liar. You care, you just don't want to tell _her_ that.)** Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **(Is Stupid trying to tell us that he's _also_ in love with Ebony/Enoby/Evony?)** he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." **(Albus! How dare you! It's a student!)** then he walked away. **(Albus! Don't you walk away from me! We're not finished with this conversation! Get back here!)** Vampire started crying. **(Grow up! I'm getting sick of everyone in this story crying)** "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(Didn't you say in the first chapter that you didn't like gays or something? And, in this story, isn't everyone Bisexual?... STOP SWITCHING EVERYTHING!)**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **(Great. Another one that needs to be sent to the Fruit Doctor!)** Then he had a brainstorm. **(That's got to hurt! Is it with that crazy weather of rain and snow?)** "I had an idea!" **(Then put the lightbulb on!)** he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. **(I love the description. It's so interesting. Nothing like swish and flick.)** Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **(Another one of Voldemorts apprentices? God, how many apprentices does this guy have?)**

We ran in with our wands out **(I'm so happy that SHE ACTUALLY REMEMBERED SHE HAD A WAND!)** just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!" **(Oh no. It's a muslim calling for God! That is sooooooo evil.)**  
>It was….. Voldemort! <strong>(Thought you were in one of his apprentices lairs)<strong>

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><p>(AN: Hurray! My turn! This wonderful idea comes from Madriddler. Thank you!)

We suddenly realized that it wasn't a lair at all... it was a lab! I looked around for a place so we could hide. The only place was behind the desk that Voldemort would be using for his experiments.

I jumped behind it... And I suddenly realized that Vampire was nowhere to be found! There was a bucket of water on top of the desk and I could hear someone coming over to the desk. I hoped that I was well hiden.

"As you can see metal can explode. All you have to do is find the right kind! Now, this type of metal will explode in water. Please, step behind the shield, this will explode and very much destroy most of the room! Now all I do is drop it into the bucket full of water and..."

I heard running feet and then... silence! Maybe it wasn't working?...

My point of view: BOOM! Everything was destroyed and a certain someone died!


	14. Satan's revenge

I'm Baaack! And so is Draco... surprise surprise. And thanks to BriarBaneRose for the "killing the main character" part!

Time to read and review my dear tourists!

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><p>Chapter 14.<p>

**(Fuck off PREPS ok! Raven thanks for helping again. I'm sorry I did not update but I was depresed and I had to go to the hospital 'cuz I slit my wrists. PS I'm not updating until you give me ten good reviews)**

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! **(Get something new to say!)** Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital **(Why? Hopefully you died... Wait... That would mean you came back from the dead! Great. Now I'm scarred.)** kuz I slit muh rists. **(I bet you anything that she's lying right now! She just wants attention)** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **(Then why did you continue updating?)**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. **(I highly doubt that)**VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **(So, she wants us to take a shit while reading this! I'd very much rather not to)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. **(Another apprentice? How many apprentices does this guy need?)** It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **(No shit Sherlock! It's Volcemort that's there! His apprentice! Get with the program already!)** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **(You mean Wormtail)** Draco was there crying tears of blood. **(Great. Another one who has to go to see the Fruit Doctor)** Snaketail **(How dare you say that! It's Wormtail! Get your facts straight)** was torturing him. **(Wait... Can you torture a dead body?)** Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **(Get. Out. Of. There. Go. Get. Help!)**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **(He want's to become blind because he just saw Ebony!)** he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **(Why don't you use your wand? I'm starting to believe that she's not a witch)** he **(Random word)** Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **(OH. MY. GOD! DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FANFIC FALL IN LOVE WITH HER! THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS)** "." he said. **(What did he say?)** (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **(You, my dear Stupid, are an Idiot)**

"Huh?" I asked. **(That's what I've been asking for a while now)**  
>"Enoby I love you <strong>(Great.)<strong> will you have sex with me?" **(Not even if you bought me dinner)** asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? **(From what I can tell: yes, that's exaactly what he wants you to do)** God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard."**(I'm in pain when I say: She's kinda right)** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. **(You didn't have to do that! Now you'll just be know as a murderer... Never mind! I'll gladly throw you in jail!)** Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **(Drink your heart out!)**

"Nooooooooooooo!" **(Yesssssssssss!)** he screamed. He started screaming and running around. **(I have the funniest images coming to mind!)** Then he fell down and died. **(Just like that?)** I brust into tears sadly. **(Usually when you burst into tears you are sad. So you don't have to ad sadly at the end of this sentence... Wait... Aren't you a Satanist?... And isn't it you who said that you don't feel sad for anything?... I rest my case)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" **(I don't know. Enjoying being dead?)** called Voldemort. **(Since when did he get here?)** Then… he started coming! **(Oh, the implications in that little sentence...)** We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(He... is... wearing... high heels? HAHAHAHA! The image just arrived in my mind and I can't stop laughing!) **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **(Didn't you disapparate out of Hogwarts? Why would you have random brooms there? And I'm not even going to comment on the fact that YOU CAN'T APPARATE OR DISAPPARATE INSIDE OF HOGWARTS!)** We went to my room. **(There's a shoker! Thought you were gonna go in a toilet)** Vampire went away. There I started crying. **(Ugh. What's wrong now?)**

"What's wrong honey?" **(Nothing. And your not supposed to talk. YOUR DEAD! At least that's what this story is telling us. *Turns to Draco* How are you feeling? Alive?) **asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **(IF he's alive shouldn't he be in the Hospital Wing getting treated for torture? And if he ISN'T alive, shouldn't he, at least, be in a coffin?)** He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) **(Oh. hahaha. Yeah, not funny)** and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **(Thanks for obvious lack of description... I really want to scream right now)**

"Its so unfair!" **(Your right. You shouldn't have killed Draco!)** I yielded.**(Oh, google, were are you my love. definition: **_**2: to give or render as fitting, rightfully owed, or required or ****3: to give up possession of on claim or demand. **_**So, you stopped talking to let him talk?) **"Why can't I just be ugly **(I can tell she didn't do what google told her to)** or plain like all da other girls and preps here **(Because the person who created you is Stupid?)** except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything." **(Yes, because she's perfect... Oh, get a life)**

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **(Draco. Stop. Talking. You're. DEAD.)** answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! **(They just want to get close to you to be the first one to plunge the dagger)** Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. **(It was probably the wrong window and they couldn't turn around fast enough)** Hargrid says he's in love with me. **(I thought that in your a-u-t-h-o-r's note you said that was Cedric... Which makes no sense)** Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **(He's DEAD TOO)** I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **(Oh, this aught to be good *Turns to Satan* Hey! Just out of curiosity: Why didn't you make Ebony/Enoby/Evony ugly? ... He just turned around laughing.)** I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) **(Don't worry... I don't think she's a snob... I THINK SHE'S A SLUT!)** "Im good at too many things! **(Laughing my head off right now)** WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" **(Go talk to someone who cares)** I shouted and then I ran away. **(Leaving the body of Draco right there to be found by a teacher)**

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><p>(AN: This is what my friend said)

When she was running away she was tripping and falling and hitting herself along the long corridor... BUT THEN she ran into a wall... a big stone wall (got to be clear about that).

It was her rotten luck that this wall fell on her like a hundred fat walruses! this leading her to create a big hole on the floor, She fell for a good thousand feet before landing in a room that was filled with rocks, lava and whatever other things you think hell looks like.

You would think that it was planned because every hellish creature stood around her with the devil in the back, arms crossed across his chest, leaning against the wall with a satified smurk on his face.

Everyone took they're little poking devices and... pokata pokata poke!


	15. posters and string

Whoopie! Another chapter! Today! Nothing happens except for alot of complaining and a poster. So, be warned my darling tourists!

As usual: Read and Review! Please!

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><p><strong>(Stop flaming ok! By the way, you suck, from now on every time someone flames me I'm gonna slit my wrists! Thanks too Raven for helping!)<strong>

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! **(What ever)** btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **(Maybe you'll die of blood loss and the world will be happy?)** fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! **(She's not helping that much)**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **(No... Stay away!)**

But I was too mad. **(Does this remind you of something?)**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **(Yeah... it reminds me of the time when I still wanted to comment)** I shouted. I stormed into my room **(Weren't you already in your room?)** and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. **(Oh great God! Please kill me and spare me from this monstrosity! Sorry... I just had the urge to say that to see what would happen... And guess what... I'm still here!)** He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **(Marylin Manson and the word sexy don't go together. Unless you have alcool mixed into there somewhere... My personal opinion)** I started to cry and weep. **(It's the same thing you dimwad!)** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. **(Finally! She dies! And the rest is just the really long funeral! ... If only it was *Goes crying in a corner* I'll be alright... I hope)** I drank the blood all depressed. **(You drank your own blood? _Interesting_)** Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **(If her dream job is to become a heart sergon I'm making damn well sure never to have a heart attack! And if I do have one just let me die!)**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress **(Don't care)** that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters **(Don't care)** and was all ripped and a spiky belt. **(Don't care)** Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots **(Don't care)** that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. **(Don't care. Don't you just love copy/paste?)** I put my ebony black hair out. **(I'm picturing her taking it off her head and putting it on the clothes line to air out... I can't breathe!) **Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **(But without your hair)** I did sum advanced Biology work. **(I doubt that she even knows what Biologie is. Let alone Advanced Biologie)** I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(See, Not Biologie... It's... Transfiguration? I think)** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **(So... The guitar looked at Draco? Cool! I want that guitar! Have you any idea how many people I can freak out with that!)**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. **(Yeah... I give up from telling him he's dead sooo...)** "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **(What are they fiting about again?)** Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **(Kids! that is probably the healthiest life style you'll ever have! Now tell me new ways of killing ones self!)** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" **(It's not even a love song! It telles of a woman giving birth and someone dying!)** (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) **(Isn't that nice. Wait... isn't that the concert where you told Draco that Joel looked hot?)** right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson **(I will only believe it if I saw it. Wait... It's not a cross between those peoples voices IT'S HIS OWN!)** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **(YESSSSSSSS! She gave me permission to leave *Gets up and leaves* ... ... *Comes back with a pop*)**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. **(Exactly what I'm thinking)** Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) **(Soooo. You have more than two middle fingers?)** at them. "I love you!" **(I don't!)** I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **(If you hate "_dat bitch_" then why did you watch the movie. Idiot.)**Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. **(I'm not gonna comment.)** Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **(Is story revolving around concerts? Because, to be serious, I feel like every time this chick turns around she sees a poster advertising a concert! I'm. Getting. Tired. Of. It.)** We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. **(Went Where?)**

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><p>(AN: This is fun!)

We suddenly looked up into the sky to see a big ball of string come towards us! I couldn't move... because Draco had placed a spell on me to grow roots. Don't you just love it when the men take control?

The ball of string hit me in the head...

Draco's point of view: I had finally ran away far enough and turned around to watch the show. When the ball of string went through her head I knew that she was finally out of my life!


	16. Shopping for Pianos!

I'm baaack! Now this was reeeealy long to write so... Read and Review please!

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><p><strong>(You know what! Shut up ok! Proove to me your not preps! Raven you suck you fucking bitch give me back my fucking "<span>I have no idea what she put here"<span> Your supposed to write this! Raven what the fuck bitch your supposed to do this! By the way thanks to britney5655 for teaching me japanese!)**

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! **(What do I have to do)** raven u suk u fuken bich **(What the fuck is wrong with you? She's supposed to be your friend)** gimme bak mah fukijn swteet **(Maybe Raven doesn't even know what she's supposed to give back because, honestly, what the hell is a _swteet_?)** ur supsd 2 rit dis! **(So now Raven is the a-u-t-h-o-r?... Wait... didn't we figure this out in the last chapter?)** Raven wtf u bich **(Whore)** ur suposd to dodis! **(Hopefully she doesn't want to continue. Maybe she always gets a headache while reading this... like I do)** BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **(Another language you can massacre?)**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. **(I thought you were goths. In your book, Goths aren't supposed to be happy)** There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! **(Wow, that's three happy's and we're not even done the paragraph)** Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **(Laughing... Can't. Breathe.)** I was wearing a black leather minidress **(Don't Care)** and black leather platinum boots **(Don't Care)** with red ripped fishnets. **(Don't Care)** Draco **(Great. Now she's telling us what everyone wore in the story. This is Ridiculous)** was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt **(Don't Care)** and black baggy pants. **(Don't Care)** Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. **(And no one caught you!)** Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. **(...Wha...)** So did the others. **(!)** We gasped. **(Oh no)** It wasn't them at all. **(No shit.)** It was.,….. Volsemort **(Another apprentice? Or is this one that we already saw? There are to many to keep count of!) **and da Death Dealers! **(So... They deal with death? No fair! That's Satan's job!)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **(What just happened? You just went to the concert! Remember... Never mind, now I know what the problem is: She can't remember!)** I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **(No, I don't. You've only said it, like, twelve hundred time!)**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted **(Jesus Christ Woman! Learn how to spell!)** uncomfortbli **(Ugh... Again!)** cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **(What? That they have a mole in they're shorts?)**

"Yeah cause we you know!" **(What did you do? Swallow a pickle? OH GOD BRAIN BLEACH!)** I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." **(Do what? Eat a snake? OH GOD BRAIN BLEACH!)** Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **(_ESCORT_? Oh Google. Where are you? Definition: _A **call girl** or **escort** is a sex worker who (unlike a street walker) is not visible to the general public. _No wonder Draco wants an escort! HE'S HORNY AND DOESN'T WANT TO SCREW THAT THING!)**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" **(I don't think calling a call girl is the mainstream. Saying go jump of a bridge will make you cool and you do it, is.)** I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina **(What in God's name is a Christina? Did she make him change into a girl now?)** or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly. **(How do you mutter loudly? It's like saying a spider can sing soprano)**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd **(Did she just shoot him?)** angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me. **(It's not even a love song Stupid)**

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, **(Why does it have to be a single?)** he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **(OR maybe he's practicing for a concert? How do you know?)**

"OK then I guess I will have to." **(Just like that? Wow, this chick must be bipolar)** I said and then we frenched **(passively)** 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite **(She's telling her that it's "Nice to meet you.")** gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). **(AT LEAST I KNOW HOW TO USE GOOGLE! THIS CHICK IS PISSING ME OFF! In other news: a new spider was discovered! It will now be used in concerts because it can sing soprano!)** "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. **(Wait... isn't that her self insert friend Raven? Boy, she must _really_ be pissed)** she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." **(She got expelled just because of that! Just because she skipped MATH! Who cares? ... No one)** (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **(GROW. UP.)**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **(What did Raven do again? And what does this have to do with the story? Why do cats hate water? Why is the earth round and not flat? This was another episode of: Questions that will never be answered by hazel-jade)**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **(Poor you. Go sulk somewhere else)** We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **(Never seen it but I bet you anything that it's NOT SCARY or even GOTHIC! Probably Goffic)** "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." **(Awwww. Look... The little goth thinks it's cute. Awwww.)** B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **(I have no idea what those two last words where)** "Oh yeah o have a confession **(OMG! "O" has a confession to make!)** after she got expuld I murdered her **(Wonderful!)** and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **(It's Necrophiliac!)**

"Kawai." **(No Stupid, that's not cute)** I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **(Do you guys know sign language? Because other than that, you can't talk silently and I can't picture you guys knowing sign language)** for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw **(Random CAPITALS)**, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." **(So... Your going with Draco... And MCR?... How is this possible?)** I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **(Let me guess... Shopping. Ugh... I don't even want to know how this is gonna go)**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. **(Again with the random CAPITALS)** "Omfg totally lets go shopping." **(I was right...)**

"In Hot Topic, right?" **(Is there any other store you go to?)** I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde. **(Loyalty Card? People, Does Hot Topic have Loyalty Cards? 'Cuz I don't know.)**

"No." **(WHAT!... Sorry, I just had to)** My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" **(How did I know? I'm psychic... Or maybe I read ahead... I don't remember)** my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **(Is that such a bad thing?... Apparently it is)**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all." **(My head hurts just trying to follow this conversation)**

"Hu told u abut them" **(Two words out of five. Wow, you should be sooooo proud)** I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **(Why? What the hell did Vampire/Harry do to you? Is there something we missed?)** Or me.

"Dumblydore." **(Who's Dumblydore? OMG! Does everyone have an apprentice in this story? ... No fair! I want an apprentice)** She sed. "Let me just call our broms." **(Call your _brooms_? How do you do that? *Here broomy! Come here!* No, not working)**

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" **(That's my reaction! How dare he get an apprentice before me!)** I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." **(What did you do to get sent there?... The mental pictures that are going through my mind right now are nasty)** She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. **(Thanks for clearing that up! I was so lost)** The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(Did anyone follow that line of thought? Look at where it went! Wow... never knew that _thought_ could go that far in space!)** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." **(Yeah, 'cuz they make you look like Goofy from Mickey Mouse)**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **(Who cares? And why didn't you sell it to them? You could have made _money_. Does that ring a bell?)**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" **(I told you they got the wrong window. And yet, you still don't believe me?... I think they where trying to find Hannah Montana but then they realized that it was the wrong fandom)** I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **(Great. She looks even more like a slut)**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **(Wow. He really doesn't care if he makes money or not, does he? Wish I could get free things *Turns to the manager of the store* Do I get something for free like her?... _NO!_... No fair!)** Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way **(Wow, she's so pissed at Raven that she took the Raven part in the name of her character out. Pathetic isn't it?)** what's yours?" **(None of your business)**

"Tom Rid." **(The only Tom that I know from Harry Potter is... Oh My God!)** He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **(He was just asking if he was going to see you there. No need to freak out!)** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, **(I highly doubt that)** Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **(Why? She's having fun yelling for no reason, let her have fun!)**

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><p>(My turn! I tried to do what Madriddler suggested but I couldn't think of anything so... A friend suggested this as an old comical death! Hope it's good! Don't forget to review, Pleeeeeaseeee.)<p>

I got out of the store with Bloody Marie/Hermione and Hagrid to go back to the castle when... Someone jumped out of a dark alley and started to dance randomly. We couldn't keep our eyes of him!

Suddenly he pointed up. As I looked up I didn't notice him taking the hand of Bloody Marie/Hermione and hagrid and tugging them to safety. I could see a black object falling...

On the roof seconds before she dies: Draco and Dumbledore where pushing a piano towards the edge. "You couldn't get something that was less heavy! Why in the world did you by an organ instead of a piano?"

Draco shrugged his shoulders "The more heavy it is the faster it falls. i didn't think that we had to push it!"

And then... It was falling.


	17. Vlodemort and Spikes!

Don't worry. I didn't leave. I was just having trouble finishing this chapter... And now you get to read it!

Don't forget: Read and Review! And have fun doing it!

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><p><strong>(I said stop flaming the story! If your a prep then do not read it! You can tell whether your a prep or not by my quiz on my homepage. If your not then you rock. If you are then FUCK OFF! PS Willow isn't a prep. Raven please do this I'll promise to give you back your poster!)<strong>

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! **(I refuse)** if ur a prep den dnot red it! **(How do you know if I'm a prep?)** u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. **(Like I'm gonna waste my time taking a quiz made from a prep)** if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! **(No thank you)** pz willo isn't rely a prep. **(Didn't you kill her in the last chapter? Give me a second *Goes to see last chapter* ... *Comes back* Yep, They killed her then raped her dead body... How that works, I have no idea)** Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Geez... Does anyone else feel like they're reading a soap opera?)**

Tom Riddle **(Great. Voldemort when he was young and Snake Voldemort are here in the same story. Does anyone see anything wrong here?)** gave us some clothes n stuff 4free. **(He wanted you to get out of the store faster)** Hesaid he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). **(So, you have to be bisexsual to be into fashion if you're a guy? I didn't know that! *Turns to friends* Did you guys know that?)** Hargird kept shooting **(Who was he shooting at?)** at us to cum **(Eww.)** back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjuckingbastard." **(You know, he might have a good reason for you to want to go back to the castle... Just a thought)** Well anyway Willow came.**(Helloooooo. She's dead! Why is she back? Never mind, she did the same for Draco... I give up!) **Hargird went away angrily.**  
><strong>  
>"Hey bitch you look kawaii." <strong>(And now she spells it right! That my friends is how you spell "cute" in japanese)<strong> she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty **(Guess who's sucking up now)** and was wearing a short black corset-thingy **(Nice description! I'm gonna use it now: I'm wearing a thingy with this thingy on it!)** with blood red lace **(Don't care)** on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, **(Don't care)** leather fish-nets **(Don't care)** andblack poiny bootsthat showed off how pale she had a really nice body wif big bobsand was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **(That's not good. Get some food in her, stat!)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked. **(I'm not sure but I think she said no)**

"Yah." I said happily. **(Damn, I was wrong)**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." **(I believe that that's Ron?)** she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo were both loking extremely hot and sexy **(Don't care)** and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. **(Don't care)** Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt **(Don't care)** that said '666' on it. **(Don't care)** He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin **(Don't care)** was wearing black leather pants, **(Don't care)** agothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. **(Don't care)** B'loody Mart wasgoing 2 da concert wif Dracola. **(Another person that we have to keep count on?)** Dracola used to be called Navel **(OMG! A belly button took Neville's place! And she changed it's name! Oh the inhumanity!) **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped **(Does everyone in this story have to be kidnapped when they where young?)** at birth and his real family were dyed in a car **(They coloured a car? With hair dye?)** converted to Satanism and he went was in Slitherin **(UGH!)** was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, **(Don't care)** black jeans **(Don't care)** and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. **(Don't care)** We kall him Dracula now. **(We kinda got the picture when you told us he ****changed his name)** Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **(Oh shut up!)** that his dad Lucian **(Who in the hell is "Lucian"? Does she mean Lucius?) **gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **(A wonderful idea! Kids come around! Today we will learn about drugs! Pot comes from a plant like this one. *Takes out a marijuana plant* Now, you need to know that coke and crack are the same thing. *Takes out a bag of coke* Have fun with it! *Leaves without the plant or bag*)** Draco and I made out. **(I wonder what Draco would be thinking *Turns to Draco* Yo, Draco! what were you thinking about at that moment? ... _That if i didn't move my lips she'd get the picture... it didn't work._ Sorry about that.)** We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **(Too bad she doesn't know that I'm making fun of her right now!)** We soon got there….I gapsed. **(Why?)**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **(I got the answer to my question. Not the answer that I was hoping for though. I was hoping for her to fall to her death or something.)** He locked **(The door so you couldn't come in)** even sexier den he did in pix. **(This girl has issues)** He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. **(I read somewhere that he had hazel eyes)** He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **(Google. Come here for a minute! Ethnic: _adjective 1. pertaining to or characteristic of a people, especially a group (ethnic group) sharing a common and distinctive culture, religion, language, or the like._So, he has a religous voice? Or maybe his religion is his voice?) **We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. **(Didn't we already read this?)** So did the other membez. **(Yeah, we did.)** I gasped. **(Oh no.)** It wasn't Gerard at all! **(No shit Sherlock! We've been reading this part at least three times now!)** It was an ugly preppy man **(Did dhe just call Voldemort a prep? Let me kill her!) **wif no nose and red eyes. Every1 ran away but me and Draco. **(Why the hell are you sticking around! RUN DRACO RUN! What... Did you think that I cared about that Ebony chick?)** Draco and I came. **(Interesting way of saying nothing)** It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **(Thank God it wasn't Voldemort. It's just one of his apprentices... And the apprentices' followers?... I think)**

"U moronic idiots!" **(No shit! But it's about time someone else said it instead of me!)** he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!" **(Just kill her already!)**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **(Great. Another one who forgot that he had Magic. *Turns to Vlodemort* You idiot! Just Avada Kedavra her a$$!)  
><strong>  
>Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. <strong>(Great. He saves the day and we don't even know who the hell it is!)<strong> He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. **(Oh great God! Why did you let this happen?)** He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. **(OMG! I'm laughing so hard right now!)** He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. **(He ran? Why not fly? Oh... Sorry it's not Voldemort, it's one of his apprentices. I guess he didn't get that far in the lessons)** It was…DUMBLYDORE! **(I want to find Stupid right now and shoot her! Can I?)**

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><p>(AN: The law says that I can't kill Stupid but it never said anything about killing a character! Unless they make it up right now... *Looks around* No, all clear!)

Then dumbledore turned to me and Draco and said that we would have to go back to the castle. Well, I didn't want to go back and I told him! He said that we had to or Voldemort would come back.

I still refused to go back and now I'm standing on the stage looking at the vast expanse of space! It was all mine!

Then... something weird happened! The stage started to lift in the air! I got so scared that I did the only thing that I could think of... I stage dived! I had been about a thousand feet in the air and as I was falling I thought 'Why didn't I think this through?'

Somehow, someone made a random spike appear where I was gonna land. This was not my day.


	18. I need a new name!

This is getting really tiring so I took a mini vacation to gain my brain cells back. I'm sorry for not warning you guys... Anyway, in this chapter I loose about four brain cells and I'm asking you guys to help me get a new name for Stupid for when I decide to change it... So, Read and Review Please and Have a good tour!

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><p><strong>(I SAID StOP FLAMING! If you do then your a fucking prep! thanks to Raven for the help and stuff. You rock! And your not <span>"I have no idea what she's writing here"!<span> PS the other reason Dumbledore swore is because he's trying to be gothic so there!)**

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **(Fat chance)** if u do den ur a fuken prep! **(I wouldn't categorise myself as a prep...)** fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf.u rok! **(No... You don't)** n ur nut a for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **(No one is trying to be Goffik in this story, they just are)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. **(Why not the fridge? Or the dungeon? With shackles on your arms and legs! BWAHAHAHAHA!)** I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, **(What is _eyesharrow_? Did she try to spell eye shaddow and forgot where the "d" was?)** blood-bed **(_blood-bed_? I get that you like blood but did you have to put it in your bed? Great. Now I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch.)** lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress **(Don't care)** that was all ripped and in stripes **(Don't care)** so you could see my belly. **(SLUT!)** I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **(Don't care. Who here loves copy/paste?)**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **(Oh. hahaha. Get it! She meant school... Stupid is getting really stupid now... I'll have to change her name soon. What do you guys think it should be?)** Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. **(I thought Stupid said that Vlodemort ran away. He wasn't chased)** We flew there on our brooms.**(Where did you fly to? Hell? Romania? Mars?... No. No one wants you anywhere. We'd rather have six feet under ground. Even then...)** Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red.**(_broom-stuff_? I hate it when she gets all descriptive like this)** There was lace all over it.**(Are you trying to kill me from laughter? Because, if not, it's still working!)** Draco had a black MCR boom.**(I guess she meant broom instead of boom... I wonder how that looks *Turns to a broom seller* Tell them Broom Seller! ... _This wonderful broom has black bristles, the handle is made of the best mahogany wood there is and these amazing brooms have the ingraving MCR on the handle _... Thank you very much broom seller!)** We went back to our rooms **(Your own rooms or just yours?)** and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)**(Oh... Lovely! Finally we don't have the description of her taking off her bra but not her pants)**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **(If Stupid can spell the word _great_ this proves nothing!)**There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too.**(What in the world did Stupid do to the great hall? IT WAS FINE THE WAY IT WAS! Bring my Great Hall back to it's former glory! NOW!)** But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath **(There where pink pants underneath the tables? Who left them there? Why are they even there? Why am I asking so many questions? Will you ever know? Welcome back to another episode of: Will these questions ever be answered by hazel-jade)** the black pant.**(Let me get this straight: There was pink paint underneath the black paint? How did you know this?)**And there were pastors **(YAY! Finally, someone's gonna kill that Vampire/Witch thing) **of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **(Ashlee Simpson is not a band!)**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow.**(Who was dead then came back... Not that I'm complaining****)**B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt,**(Don't Care)**black fishnets **(Don't Care)**and black pointy boots.**(Don't Care)** Willow was wearing**(OMG! I DON'T CARE!)**a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing**() **that was all lacy and came up to your thighs**(Don't Care) **and black boots and fishnets.**(Don't Care) **Vampire, Dracula and Draco came.**(The implications in that little sentence are making me smile!)** We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong.**(I wouldn't know... But I say that it's Captain Jack Sparrow!)** The boys joined in cause they were bi.**(Well... Good for them... Can we get back to the DO NOT CARE section?)**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **(The belly Button) **was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came.**(I she can't get good explanation and descriptins in this THING why does she keep writing?) **He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday.**(Gee. Thanks for clearing that up for us.)** He had normal tan skin**(He didn't just have tan skin, he had NORMAL tan skin! Because tan skin is just so last season!) **but he was wearing white foundation **(Again with the white foundation that no one seems to need.)** and he had died his hare black. **(Who, in their right mind, would dye their rabbit black?)**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **(Why are you guys so surprised? It's obvious that Stupid would do something like this. Now... BRING MY DUMBLEDORE BACK!)**

"WTF?" **(That's what I've been saying for a while now)** I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **(Wrong apprentice... And apparently he was wearing it to scare Stupid not the apprentice)**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover.**(Yeah. It looks... Interesting.)**Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer**.(So... The Griffindors are posers, the Ravenclaws are, what, druggies? And the Hufflepuffs are probably... alcoolics?)** Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads.**(I'm looking at the chair in my room right now and wondering what I would do if it just started to levitate... Just a random thought.) **We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.**(Dumbledore? A poser? In the same sentence?)**

"BTW you can call me Albert."**(****Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Wonder where Stupid got the name Albert.)**HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.**(RANDOM CAPITALS EVERYONE!)**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we**(Ba ba) **to Transfomation.**(Don't you mean Transfiguration? If not... I dare you to transform into a fainting goat!) **We were holding hands.**(Of course.) **Vampire looked really jealous. **(Ugh. Who in their right mind would care except for Stupid)**I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard)**(I'm getting pissed off because of these stupid jokes!... Get it... Sorry, I just had to)** but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.**(Which one are you talking about? Aldus/Albert or Vampire/Harry?)**

I was so fucking angry.**(Because Harry/Vampire was looking jealous and crying or because Albus/Albert changed the Great Hall into Goffic colours?... I'm getting confused.)**

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><p>(My turn... I don't know what to do...)<p>

As we were walking I suddenly stepped on something and triped. As I fell I could see that we had come to a staircase and I was going to fall down it! "Help me!"

While Ebony is falling down the stairs to her death: Draco asked the others "Weird that she stepped on a can of creamed corn. Where do you think it came from?"

The others just shrugged their shoulders and continued walking not even giving the body of Ebony a second glance... Until Hermione remembered that she had her homework. "Why that bitch couldn't do her own homework I'll never know."


	19. Drop! Splat!

YAY! I got a lot of new names to Change Stupid's with so in the next chapter, not this one, I'll be changing her name! So you still have time to tell me a name to change it to! Just press that little _Review Chapter _button down there and tell me!

In this chapter, my dear tourists, I want my Dumbledore back... and we visit the CN tower!

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><p><strong>(Please stop flaming the story if you do your a fucking prep and your jealous ok! From now on I'm going to delete your mean reviews! By the way evony is a pureblood so there! Thanks to Raven for the help!)<strong>

Chapter 19. im nut**(a)** ok i promise **(Why does she have to put random titles?)**

AN: plz stup flaming da story **(Not gonna happen)** if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok! **(I'm jealous of not being able to spell?)** 11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz! **(you'll still get more)** 111 BTW evonyd **(Who is evonyd?)** a poorblod so der! **(Does anyone care?)** 1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help! **(From where I'm standing, she didn't do shit)** 11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore.**(Why would you waste your time doing that? You could go do community service!) **We were so fucking pissed off.**(Why? Just because he's dressed as a "Goff" doesn't mean he is one. Which I thank God for!) **Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert.**(Didn't it already happen? Like fourtheen times?)** It had been postphoned, so we could all go.**(Yay. Another crappy concert.)**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes**.(SKIPPER! How dare you! No wonder you can't spell!)** Draco was being all secretive.**(He wants to kill you that's why)**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty **(If she says what I think she's going to say in the next line I'm going to shoot myself!)**(rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).**(WHERE'S MY SHOT GUN?)**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted**(Why would we want to? We have better things to do)**angrily as his black hare**(Enough with the bunny's!) **went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz.**(I am NOT researching that! I don't want to. Go on Youtube and figure it out 'cuz it's gonna take a long time to find it) **He was wearing black baggy paints,**(OMG! DON'T CARE) **a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik)**(She's getting stupider by the minute)** I was wearing**(DON'T CARE) **a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it**(DON'T CARE) **all over it a blak leather mini,**(DON'T CARE) **black high held boots and a cross belly fing**.(I thought you could DIE if you had a CROSS... My point is made)** My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under.**(Now I want a gong... This is so not fair!)** (email me if u wana see da pik)**(I really don't want to even see you)**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.**(Who the hell ever accused you? Did we miss something?)****  
><strong>  
>"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.<strong>(What is he trying to tell us?)<strong>**  
><strong>  
>"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.<strong>(Did he... What did he do to her to make her moan?)<strong>

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.**(Does anyone have any idea as to what's going on? 'Cuz I'm lost)**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd.**(Does this seem like déjà vu to you guys... I think this is the third time she does this.) **I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door.**(Why? *Turns to Draco* Just let her be. If she kills herself, she dies! No big deal) **I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks**(Thanks for describing that) **and made cool tears down my feces**(So... There were tears coming down your shit? Wow, you must be so talented if your shit does that) **like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!).**(Thanks for pointing that out) **I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.**(RANDOM CAPITALS! ... Now, kids come over here! Here you go! You each get to learn how to smoke today. No Little Tommie! Not like that!)**

Suddenly Hargrid had appearated.**(You cannot apparate in Hogwarts. And Hagrid can't apparate either)**

"You gave me a fucking shock!"**(Too bad she wasn't on the electric chair.) **I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"**(peeking? Looking? Smoking? There are many more choices to choose from)**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid.**(Why doesn't she just give up already?) **Someone else was with him too!**(No shit Sherlock! You just said he wasn't alone! Why say it again?) **For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.**(You'd rather have little Voldemort with you than Dumbledore? Oh, that's mean)****  
><strong>  
>"Hey I need to ask you a question." <strong>(Is it gonna make sense or is it going to make me want to pull my hair out?)<strong> he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse**(How can a purse be a 'wannabe purse'? And why is Dumbledore carrying a purse? And why am I trying to make sense of this story?... We will never know)**. "What are u wearing to the concert?"**(Nothing. I'm not going. But that SLUT is)**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.**(OMG! It's a miracle, isn't it? It's amazing to know that My Chemical Romance are also known as MCR! Wow.)**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." **(She's making Dumbledore sound like an idiot. BRING MY DUMBLEDORE BACK!)**He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."**(Yeah. He wants to throw you down the CN tower. No one would have seen that coming! ... Drop... Splat!)**

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><p>(My turn! It's another drop!)<p>

I went to find Draco near the gates of the school and when I finally reached him he told me to close my eyes. When he told me to open them, I looked out into an amazing sunset! It was so romantic!

"You want to see if we can go to the top of the tower? And maybe go outside?" I looked into his blood red eyes who had dark misery in them and nodded my head. As we walked to go outside I kept taking glances at him, he was so sexy!

We finally reached our destination and I had the greatest idea! "Draco, why don't we do like they did in Titanic? All you have to do is make sure I don't fall." He quickly agreed and we wee suddenly doing just that! It was so romantic in a Goffic kind of way!

But then... I couldn't feel Draco in back of me anymore! I turned around and saw him talking to some man in a police uniform. He waved at me and as I waved back... I slipped!

During the time that I was falling all I could think of was that Draco was the one for me!

Up on the tower: "Do you want to go see the mess it made?"

Draco nodded his head. Finally! It was over.


	20. Snakes and Pythons

Sorry my dear tourists! Summer is a very hectic time of year for me. Between a full time job and... Wait a minute... Why am I telling you guys this?

In this chapter you will find out that... Snakes can talk and people love to screw them!

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><p><strong>(I said I do not care what you think! Stop flaming okay preps! Thanks to Raven for the help! Oh yeah by the way I'll be on vacation in transilvania for the next three so do not expect updates)<strong>

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink!**(Good, 'cuz you don't want to know what I think... But I think I'll tell you anyway) **stof pflamin ok prepz!1**(If you don't care, don't say that... Why am I giving Stupid advice?) **fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1**(She didn't help at all! I think she gave up about 14 chapters ago) **oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.**(I highly doubt that)**

All day I wondered what the surprise was.**(What? You didn't get it yet? Well, that sucks) **Meanwhile, I pot **(You're smoking again?)**on a blak ledder mini,**(Don't Care) **a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it,**(Don't Care)** an black gothic compact boots.**(Don't Care) **MCR were gong 2 do the concert again,**(Again? Are you guys getting reimbursed?) **since Volxemort had taken over the last one.**(Wrong apprentice!) **I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night,**(Aren't you supposed to have more than one people to mosh?)** feeling excited.**(Are you really a Goth? Because if you were: steriotypical Goths DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS!)** Suddenly someone knocked on the door **(Let me take a wild guess: Draco!)**while I was trying on sum black clothes**(Again with the black clothes? Why don't you just say it! IT'S PINK!)** and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom.**(I won't say a thing) **I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly **(Learn. How. To. Spell.)** I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.**(Is that all you think of doing? What about talking and getting to know each other? Long walks along the beach? Pick-nick in the park?... Wow. I really didn't know that I was _this_ much of a hopeless romantic. Oh well, you learn something new every day****)**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" **(Let me guess: It's your version of Dumbledore)** I shouted angrily. It was Loopin!**(You have got to be kidding me! The Fruit Doctor let him go?)** "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled.**(I wouldn't even want to touch you with a ten foot pole so I doubt he wants to do that!)** I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.**(That really doesn't give you the right to SWEAR!****)**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell)**(Oh. hahaha get it? she said hell. It's _so _funny)** kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.**(Don't worry Loopin. I'd be angry too if I had to ask her that!)**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.**(He didn't really need that right now. He has some pent up sexual energy that he needs to get rid of. JUST GIVE HIM THE FUCKING CONDOMS!)****  
><strong>  
>"Fuker." He said,gong away.<strong>(I still want a gong!)<strong>

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow,**(UGH... Learn how to spell!) **black eyeliner, **(OMG! It actually worked!)** and some black lipstick and white foundation.**(OMG! It did! Look guys! She's learned how to spell!) **Then I went.**(Where?) **Den **(Damn! I knew it was to good to be true) **I gasped… ... ... **(What's with the dots?)**… ... ...**(Oh look! More dots)**… ... ...**(Maybe it's Morse code?)**Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall,**(Was he trying to kill the snake? Maybe it was the balisisk****?****) **doin it,**(WHAT! He's having sex with a snake. ... He's _having _sex with a _snake_. ... No matter how I say it it'll still sound weird) **and Dobby was watching!1**(Why would you put poor Dobby through that! And... Random 1)**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" **(Did Dumbledore suddenly appear? That's what he does in his spare time! He searches for people who are having sex in his school so he can break the mood!)** they both shooted angrily when they saw me.**(Oh... It was her****) **Dobby ran away crying.**(I don't blame him. I'd run away crying to if I saw you) **Dey got up, though. **(Wait... I'm having a feeling that the snake... isn't really a snake)** Normally I wood have ben turned on**(WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?) **(I luv cing guyz do it) **(She has problems. Quick! Bring her to the Fruit Doctor)** but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)**(Wait! ... A snake was brought into the Griffindor house? What's going on?)**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" **(No. He wanted to use them in a potion...)** I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)**(If you were going for sacarstically then you most definitely failed English Class.)**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" **(Thank you soooo much Sherlock. I think we caught that)** Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." **(What was he supposed to say "_Yeah, can I borrow some condoms 'cuz I want to screw a snake. And just incasse, can you check in about an hour or two to see if I'm still alive? ... It's a poisonnous one." _Even I wouldn't do that!)** I replayed.**(Learn. How. To. Spell.)**

"You dimwit!." Snake **(Wait... IT'S A TALKING SNAKE! EVERYONE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!)** began 2 shoot angrily.**(The snake killed her? No fair. I've been trying and trying and trying and now I find out that all it took was a snake! I repeat: No fair.) **And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them.**(OK... Why would you do that?) **U could see that they were naked and everything.**(I think I should get the Brain Bleach ready... just in case *Get's up and goes to see under sink* ... ... *A few minutes later comes back* I didn't find any Brain Bleach but I did find some 'Liquid-Plumbr Pro'. Do you guys think that will work?)**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"**(They both talked at the same time? Wow. First a talking snake and now it talks at the same time as Loopin. I thought it was only the Weasley twins, which I thank God that they aren't in this story, that could do that... OMG! Snake and Loopin are twins!) **

"It wuz to blackmail u." **(Usually you don't tell the persons you're going to blackmail that you are going to blackmail them ... just wanted to point that out)** I snarked.**(Went on Urdan Dictionary for this one because it's not a real word... This is my favorite one: _snark: To accidentally get something lodged in your nasal cavity, after choking. _So... Did you really 'snark'?****)** "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out **(Wait... Didn't they just sit on their broom sticks and watch her through a window? Where does the 'see me doing it with my boyfriend' part come in all this?)** or I'll show dis to Dumbledork**(Another apprentice! No fair! I want one!****)**. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them**(You threw your WHAT? HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK! Usually it's kind of attached to you) **and dey tripped over it.**(suuuure) **Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot**.(I think she might have ADD)**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.**(I don't know *Turns to Draco* Hey! Where were you? _I was at the washroom._)**

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum."**(I have a feeling that Stupid didn't mean it that way but just for effect... ) **Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? **(No thanks. Ask Draco.)**2 the concert?" **(Oh, that's what you meant! ... No.)**

Then….. he showed me his flying car**.(Does everyone have a flying car in this?) **I gasped. It was a black car.**(Noooooo. It was pink.)** He said his dogfather **(Lame joke right there folks)** Serious Blak **(Are you kidding me! Now she writes the word right! At the wrong place too!)** had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it.**(Great. He's following in the footsteps of Draco****)** The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **(I'm pretty sure that the license plate has to be the same on the front AND the back... You know what? I've decided that Stupid isn't a strong enough name for her... So... Looking through all the names you guys gave me... It's... Idiot!... Not very convincing but I'll take it!)**

….I gasped.**(Why? Or better yet... Why do you feel the need to gasp every damn time that something happens?)**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.**(No they weren't.)**

Vampire and I began 2 make out,**(Whore!) **moshing to the muzik.**(When can I kill her? *Turns to Harry* Can you give her something nasty while you have your tongue in her mouth? ... OH MY GOD! NASTY IMAGES! NASTY IMAGES! QUICK! WHERE'S THE BRAIN BLEACH!) **I gapsed, looking at da band.**(Wait... Aren't you making out with the kid you call "vampire".)**

I almost had an orgasim.**(Just looking at the band can do that for you? ... Wow. Your more pathetic than I thought) **Gerard**(Great. Him again****) **was so fucking hot!**(Oh, whatever. And remember my dear tourist, right now she's making out with "vampire"... One word: Slut.) **He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah**(What's wrong with you? You can't even spell "sexy" or is that on purpose? Because right now, your not helping with my headache.) **beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.**(Don't you just want to punch him for being such a sissy? *Turns to Draco* Where you really like this back then? ... _NO! Why would you even think like that_? ... It was a thought that crossed my mind! I'm sorry.)**

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><p>(Say thanks to ... Crap! I forgot! *runs to check e-mail to see who it was* ... Madriddler! To get me to watch Monty Python and getting me a great idea! ... And with that comes this ... <em>Don't forget to mention that you don't own Monty Python and that you stoll their idea! <em>... Thanks... for that... Draco...)

As I turned back to Vampire to continue making out I saw the strangest man standing on the outskirts of the mosh pit. He was wearing a strange suit like those things that people would wear in the Middle Age. I told Vampire that I would go see what was going on and then come back.

As I walked towards him a group of people dressed also like him joined him. After walking a little more I heard the first guy yell for a guy named Brother Maynard. The Brother arrived with two more Brothers in back of him and handed the guy a box where he took out some sort of ball with a cross on it.

I heard a few snippets of their conversation which included a certain Book of Armaments and something about breakfast cereals and fruit bats. Then I heard the instructions:

"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

I had stopped walking and was just standing a few feet away from them, thinking. What was this strange Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and what about this whole counting thing? Every one knew that five came after two.

Anyway the strange guy took out the cross from the ball and held it high into the air saying "ONE! TWO! FIVE!" ...Didn't I tell you? and then he trew the ball and it landed right in front of me! Strange... Did they want me to throw it back to them? I bent down to pick it up and...

Arthur's point of view: I watched in satisfaction as the creature was blown to bits and then I turned to my knights and said "Now that the evil and most foul of creature is dead... Shall we continue with our quest?"

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><p>Dont forget to press that little button to review... PLEASE! With a cherry on top?<p> 


	21. The TV and the head

**Message for the tourists: I'm really sorry guys! Time just seems to speed up for me and I never have enough of it! ARG! Anyway on to the next chapter!**

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><p><strong>(Fuck you ok! you fucking suck. It's not my fault if it's spelt wrong ok 'cuz that bitch Raven cuz it Fuck you preps! Whoops sorry Raven thanks for the help. By the way transilvania rocks hard! I even got to do to the castle where dracula was filmed!)<strong>

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok!**(Why does she keep this up) **u fokng suk.**(Yeah. Talk to yourself and then come and talk to me) **itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong**(It is your fault dumbass) **ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1**(I'm getting tired of this) **woopz**(What do you mean whoops? You didn't mean to type it up and leave it there? That's what the back button is for)** soz raven fangz 4 da help.**(All I can say is that she didn't help much) **btw transilvana rox hrad!1**(Too bad she couldn't stay over there. Maybe get bit by something extremelly dangerous and then die...)** I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!**(Somehow I highly doubt that she actually went on this "trip")**

Later we all went in the skull.**(Let me guess: haha. because she's gothic she wrote school as skull. Oh, very funny Idiot)** Draco was crying in da common room.**(Wimp)** "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.**(How in the world can you have a gothic voice?****)**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily.**(Well, it took a while *Turns to Draco* So you finally grew a pair in this chapter?) **He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way**.(I'd love to see someone running in a suicidal way. That way you'd know what they were planning... knowing me I'd probably just help them out)** I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.**(Then why don't you go after him you dumb shit!****)**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."**(And how exactly are you going to make him feel better? *Turns to Harry* Why, don't you look red!)**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily.**(That's exactly what he means!)** Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.**(Can't Idiot put more description? ... _Never mind! We don't want the same thing as the clothes thing_ ... Interesting! I'm having a conversation with myself! How refreshing! ... _You sound like Dumbledore_.)**

"Draco please come!" he began to cry.**(Great. More crying. *Turns to Harry* What is with you guys?)** Tears of blood came down his pail face**.(HAHAHAHAHA! I can just imagine Harry with a bucket on his head just twirling around trying to see!)** I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz.**(What is wrong with you? Don't you see that he needs to go see the Fruit Doctor? Tears of blood is NOT normal!)** (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)**(HEY! I've got no problem with them. IT'S YOU THAT DOES! Idiot...)**

And then… … … … … … … … … … ..**(I hate how she puts the suspense in this story... Oh wait, there isn't any.) **we herd sum footsteps!**(Oh no. Quick, run! It's the walking shoes!) **Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke.**(So... He took out some sort of black drug that they'll snort? I'm sorry but I think that your coke expired.) **We both gut under it.**(So... How did you get under it? Did he sprinkle it on you or did he just dump it on you?)** We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there**,(Right now I see the body of a man but with the head of a cat sweeping the floor)**shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.**(It wouldn't work in Hogwarts. And plus in the first movie it was a lantern... Which was actually kind of cool)**

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come.**(So... Instead of cleaning up the filth he makes it appear? Not a very good janiter...)** He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.**(Wait... So the filth went under their invisiblity cloak... 1. Where did they get it because from what I remember they had invincibility coke which they dumped on each other *Shaking my head* such a waste. and 2. The filth that Mr. Norris made appear apparently took the form of a cat and started to meow... Wow. Idiot actually has an imagination! ... Not a very good one but it's there)**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.**(Just follow the meowing... Is that a word? I don't know...)**

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!"**(The point of staying hidden was what again?)** Vampire said under his breast **(So now Idiot made Harry/Vampire a woman... I predict that I'll be figuring out another name for Idiot soon)**in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" **(If he said it under his... _breast_ ... he wouldn't have heard it)**yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch**(Don't you mean filth?)** meow. "Filth**(At least Idiot got it right here... But I miss Mrs. Norris...) **is der any1 unda da cloak!" **(NOOOOOO! They're under the coke NOT the cloak. Jeeze, does this guy need a memo or something, cloaks are sooooo last season.)**he asked. Filth nodded. And then… … … … … … … … … .**(I hate this... The suspense is killing me.)**Vampir frenched me!**(You whore! ... I'm sure he didn't want to do it or maybe she just pulled him on her or something) **He did it jus as… … … … … … … … ..**(Again. Suspense=killing.****) **Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1**(So what. Mr. Norris was wearing a cloak, good for him ... Unless he was wearing nothing underneath ... ... Oh My God... I think I'm scarred for life after that image that just past through my head.)**

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him.**(You were WHAT from him? Where you ... ruining stuff as you were running away?) **And den we saw Draco crying**(Does he ever stop crying? *Turns to Draco* STOP IT!)** n bustin**(A MOVE!)** in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.**(And why don't you stop him ... WAIT! ... Where are the teachers in this?)**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"**(That's probably the worst question to ask to anyone who is doing what Draco is doing right now... Just wanted to point that out.)**

"I guess though." Draco weeped.**(Suck it up Buttercup.) **We went back to our coffins frenching each other**.(Wait just one minute! Draco has a coffin now? ... When in the world did he even become a vampire?)** Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin)**(I don't know... I'll have to watch it but now I don't want to because it was mentioned in this Fic)** on the gothic red bed together.**(I thought she said coffin... I'M CONFUSED!)** As I wuz about 2 put in the video,**(Weren't you already watching it?)** my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now.**(That's called a premonition my dear girl) **There was a knok on the door and Fug **(Is this a new character or a fungis?)** and da Mystery of Magic **(I've always wondered how Magic can exist and how it was created and all that bull shit)** walked into the school!1**(Wait... Are they on a bed, about to watch a film... in the Great Hall?)**

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><p><strong>(My turn! Hurray!)<strong>

Draco was so mad at the Mystery of Magic that he got up from the bed and hurled the TV towards that Misery of Magic! He looked so hot! But, suddenly, the TV stopped in mid-air... and it hurled to wards me!

I screamed "Draco hel-"

Draco's point of view: I don't know why I felt so mad but I just had to pitch something and the TV was the right object! But somehow it changed directions and tore off Enoby's head! Oh well!

First year Ravenclaws popint of view: So my friends dared me to summon something but I didn't know that it would actually work! The only problem is that someone tried to paint it red...


	22. I need a bucket! Fast!

**Today we use alot of copy/paste, just warning you guys. And I say something that I consider a little mean concerning alzheimers so in advanced : I'm sorry!**

**And don't forget to review at the end! Please?**

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><p><strong>(Shut up! Preps stop flaming ok if you do not like it fuck off I know it's Mr. Noris it's Raven's fault ok! You suck! No just kidding Raven you fucking rock preps suck!)<strong>

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu!**(No! I refuse!)** prepz stup**(I absolutely HATE her spelling! It's even worse then mine.)**flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of **(I've learned a long time ago that it's really fun to flame stories... Just pointing that out)** I no itz mr. noris **(Obviously you don't because it's in your story)** itz raven's folt ok!11 **(Stop blaming birds for this!)** u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1**(So, in Idiot's opinion, everyone who doesn't like this story suck's. That would be everyone in the world.)**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic**.(Yes. Because having it makes you nauseous.)**Well anyway, I woke up the next day. **(Wait! You skipped a whole day! How dare you!)**I was in my coffin so I opened the door.**(Again! Coffins have lids not doors!)**I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas.**(WHAT! Lace and leather on a pajama, are you crazy? That really can't be comfortable... Or maybe it's just the way that I'm imagining it.)** Then I gasped.**(What now...)**

Standing in front of me where… … … … … … .**(The suspense is killing me...)**B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!**(Sooooo. for those who don't remember: Hermione, Mary (I don't know this one), Ron, Draco (obviously), Dracula (I think this one is Nevile, I'm not sure) and Willow (Don't know this one either)****)**

I opened my crimson eyes.**(How did you see them standing there when you hadn't even opened your eyes yet? Fuck it! I give up trying to uderstand this! ... So Idiot just knew. There.)**Willow was wearing**(I don't care!)** a tight black leather top **(I don't care)**with pictures of bloody roses all over it.**(I don't care****)**Under that she wart a black poofy**(I don't care)**skirt wit lace on it **(I don't care)**and black gothic boots that was attached to the top.**(I don't care)**Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt **(I don't care)**and baggy black pants and Vans.**(I don't care)** Draco was wearing**(I don't care)**a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket**.(I don't care)**He looked just likee Gerard Way,**(I still don't know who this guy is so: I don't care)**andalmost as fucking sexy.**(I highly doubt it.)**Vampire looked like Joel Madden.**(Also don't know who this guy is, so:I don't care)**B'loody Mary was wearing**(For fuck sake's: I don't care)**a tight black poofy gothic dress**(I don't care)**that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage**(I don't feel like putting paste here because darling Google is going to help us out! So... Clearage: The act of removing anything; clearance. So... She ripped something to show that she had done some spring cleaning!)** with a white apron**(I don't care)**that said 'bich' and other swear words**(Is the only swear word you now the usual ones? 'Cuz i know alot more!)**and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once.**(Thank God it's not the actual dress)** Darkness (who is Jenny)**(Who's jenny? Is this another self insert?)**was there too.**(Did she mean Ginny? ... I think I'm gonna start crying)**She was weaving**(So she was making cloth?)** a ripped gothic black dress**(I don't care)** with ripped stuff all over it**(Great description!)** and a lace-up top thing **(Another great description!)** and black pointy boots. **(I don't care)**So were Crab and Goyle.**(What the hell are these two doing here with a dress on?)**It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. **(You have got to be kidding me! Now she's just making things up!)**He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor.**(I thought that vampires couldn't die like that.****)**He had raped them and stuff before too.**(UGH! I really want to give this thing up but I can't do it. Why does she insist on rapping everyone and everything.)**They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.**(YES! Stan is the best god in the world!)**

"OMFG" I yielded **(Quick! Stop!)** as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"**(I'm commenting on this _thing. _That's why I'm here... Oh! You were talking to them! Sorry.)**

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said**.(*Turns to Draco* Well said! We all know that it's her, right?****)**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." **(Aren't you wearing pajamas? I think that should be enough. Unless she's wearing the thing I'm imagining... Then, please go put something on!)** I shouted angrily.**(Don't need to get testy.)**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway.**(I think I'm gonna puke...)** Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.**(*Grabs a bucket* Just to be on the safe side...)**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective**."(Oh Google! Where are you? *looks around* There you are! Erective: Making erect or upright; raising; tending to erect. So. That's interesting! I'm learning new words! ...)**

"I will I will." he said.**(Oh, I'm sure he will!)**

So I just put on some black eyeliner,**(I don't care)** black lipstick and red eyeshadow**(I don't care)** and white foundation.**(I don't care****)**Then I came. **(Not something that I wanted to know. But you got to admit that she is talented if all she has to do is put on makeup to make herself come.)**We all went outside the Great Hal**(Hi Hal! How are you doing?) **and looked in from a widow.**(So... You where inside and you went outside just to look out the window? Wow. That's really stupid... I know it was Idiot's idea but still...)** A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us.** (And what is she doing?)**She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her.**(God! She didn't even do anything to you! All she was doing was standing. Is that a crime?) **Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork.**(Poor Dumbles...) **Cornelia Fudged **(Great... Idiot changed him into a girl. Come on! I know that he wasn't the best of guys but he doesn't deserve this!)** was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.**(ROAR!)**

"THIS CANNOT BE!" **(YES IT CAN!)** she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"**(WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? AND PLEASE STOP SHOUTING! ... Sorry.)**

"THE BARK LORD **(I'm sorry but, w****hat! The _Bark_ Lord? I suppose his bark is dark.)** IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" **(Yes. All you have to do is stand still for a very long time and then POOF! You're barking mad. ... Sorry guys, that was lame)** yelled Cornelia Fudge.**(Poor girl.)**

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" **(And why is that?)** yelled Rumbridge. **(ROAR!)** "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS!**(What's so dangerous about alzheimers? Unless you forget to breathe?)** YOU MUST RETRY **(What in the world are they talking about? Retry? Retry for what?)** OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"**(I believe that! It's better than letting this story kill them...)**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt **(What is it about your a$$ that you want to tell us?)**we cannot do this. We can't close the school. **(No, of course not. We'll just let the students get killed of one by one! It's so much fun! *Takes aim with sniper* Now... Where are they.)** There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort **(Three guesses who)** and she is in the school. **(Three... Two...)** And her name is **(One.)** …..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."**(I knew it. *Slams head on desk* *Multiple times for it to hurt* I'm hoping that it will kill me.)**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.**(*Pukes in bucket*)**

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><p><strong>(Time for my turn! What shall I do to her? ...)<strong>

Everyone was looking at me with wide eyes and then a tall third grader got up from his table and came towards me saying: "I would really like to shake the hand of the person who's going to defeat the Bark Lord..."

And then suddenly I was surrounded by the whole student body of Hogwarts! I couldn't believe it! There was only one problem... I was starting to loose my breath. I couldn't breathe!

I need air...

Madame Pomffrey's point of view: Honestly! Why don't I know these things! How were they all supposed to know that she was claustrophobic! ... She slept in a coffin for Pete's sake!

The last thought that the nurse had while she was finishing her report to be sent to the coroners office was: 'Some times things just never make sense'

**(Time for reviews! Hurray! ... Please? *Puppy dog eyes*)**


	23. Hi!  Bye!

Next chapter!

Ok my darling tourists! This was done during a few days and the last day I was in class with a teacher that I don't like because she doesn't shut up and looks like a gerbil (I know... I'm not nice but it's true). So, I'm really frustrated right now!

Anyway, not your problem, on to the story! And remember to review, please.

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><p><strong>(Shut the fuck up bitches! You're just jealous 'cuz I got 10000 reviews! Thanks to Raven for the help and telling me about the books girl you rock let's go shopping together)<strong>

Chapter 23.

AN: dhut da fok up biches!**(Jeez! I didn't even start talking and she's already on my case!)**1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!**(Yes. And she gut them like a fish.)**1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox**(So, she didn't even read them... Why am I not surprised? ... I think I'm having déjà vu...)**gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!**(No. I refuse to go shopping with someone who says _stuff_ in their description for clothing... I really don't sound like myself here... Info on Hazel-Jade: I HATE SHOPPING!****)**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge **(ROAR! *cough cough*)** and Cornelia Fudge **(She really doesn't deserve this... CHANGE HER BACK TO A GUY!)** stomped out angrily.**(Why? ... See, I already forgot what happened in the story and that was like five minutes ago****)**Then Dumbledum **(Now Idiot is just pushing it)** and Rumbridge sawed us.**(I hope it hurt. ... TIMBER! ... Sorry, just had to put that in!)**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" **(If you haven't noticed, she started to sensor herself now... *Slams head on desk* ... I hate my life.)**Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.**(HONK!)**

"Oops she made a mistake!" **(About what? *Turns to Draco* Am I missing something? _No... I think we're all missing something._)** he corrupted her**(So... I don't know what I was going to say... Oh yeah! GOOGLE! COME HERE BOY! C**orrupted** - ruined in character or quality. ... I think Idiot was looking for the word corrected but you never know 'cuz we all know that Umbridge was corrupted).**"She means hi everybody cum in!"**(I not even going to tackel this mistake but if you want to know type in "Cum" in google and you'll see why)**

Well we all came in angrily.**(That's the best way!)**So did all the other students.**(A little too much info!)**I sat between Darkness**(Hermione ... I think.)** and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. **(Nope. I was wrong... I think... This is so confusing!)** Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes.**(Ask the Joker for that! Or maybe even the Riddler! ... And no I'm not that much of a batman fan it's just that last night I was watching a let's play on youtube... I have no life...)**They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo.**(Who in the hell is THAT!)**I eight some Count Chocula**(So you can count all the way to 8?)**and drank som blood from a cup.**(Why would you do that when you have some perfect humans right there!)**Then I herd **(That's right! Follow the sheep!)** someone shooting angrily.**(So now everyone has guns! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WANDS!)**I looked behind me it was…Vampire!**(OH MY GOD! isn't that shocking! Quick take a picture my dear tourists... It'll probably last longer)**He and Draco were shooting at eachother.**(Great. Just what we need... Someone to get hurt. Quick, go get the nurse little Johny! And don't trip! OUCH! That's got to hurt!... *Get's up to go see little Johny* Come on, it can't be hurting that much! People are shooting at each other and _you're_ complaning?****)**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.**(YEAH! What. The. Fuck... Start spelling your words right!)**

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"**(*Spits out water* HAHAHA! That's probably the funniest mistake she's made!****)**

"No I do!" shouted.**(calm down guys! You can both shit next to her!)**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.**(Oh yeah! Name calling! Can I join in?)  
><strong>  
>"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!"<strong>(<em>laves<em>? Is Idiot serious? That's it! I'm tired and cranky and I am now changing her name to Maudite! It's a french swear... google it!)**shouted Vampire.**(NO! THIS IS SHOUTING! ... Did I tell you guys that I was tired?)** And then… he jumped on Draco!**(And kissed him hard! With hands romming all over and tonges meeting and ... Damn! I just read the next line. Now I'm dissapointed.)**(no not in dat way u perv) **(Well, You started it! *Sticks out tongue*)**They started to fight and beat up each other.**(My version was so much better! And plus with that kind of a fight everyone wins!)**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop.**(Hurray! KILL HER NOW WHILE SHE'S DISTRACTED!)** All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. **(You have got to be kidding me.)**He had no nose **(No shit Sherlock! You already said that!)**and was wearing a gray robe. **(Black. It was black.)** All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart.**(Well I sure hope so! Or then we'd really see magic, and we all know that it doesn't exist.)**Britney that fucking prep started to cry.**(I'm not ashamed to admit that I would probably cry too... Being stuck in this story I'd probably have a mental break down!)** Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating**(So... She was shopping while eating at the same time? Is that it? Maudite! STOP CONFUSING ME!)….**Everyone gasped**.(UGH!)** Da room fell silent… … … … … … … .**(*Crickets chirping*****)**Volzemort!**(ANOTHER FUCKIN APPRENTICE! NOT FAIR! ... That's it! Who wants to be my apprentice? *crickets chirping* Not fair...)**

"Eboby**(Close enough.)**…..Ebony…." **(Damn. He got it right)** Darth Valer**(Oh. My. God. Maudite mistaked Darth Vader for Voldemort...)**sed evilly in his raspy voice**.(He does not have a raspy voice! Actually... I'm surprised that Maudite spelled that correctly!)**"Thou havfe failed ur mission.**(If you're going to talk in old English at least spell it correctly too. Just a tip.)** Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well.**(I thought the deal was that you'd kill Draco if she didn't kill Vampire/Harry. And why the hell are you talking! KILL THEM ALREADY or better yet KILL HER!)**If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"**(*Slams head on desk* If I keep doing this I'll get a really bad migrane...)**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.**(He's gonna kill you! He's gonna kill you! Hurray!)**

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!"**(Why did you want her to do it? Do you mind telling the crowd that's waiting to beat the crap out of her?)** Then he flew away cackling. **(Wha? But? Tha? ... Crap! ... WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED! ... If I keep yelling like this my throat is going to be sore.)**

I bust into tears.**(But he's gone!) **Draco and Vampire came to contort me.**(con·tort : Verb: Twist or bend out of its normal shape. ... I'll let you guys think what you want but I'm laughing so hard at the image in my mind right now! Just imagine a pretzel!)** Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic.**(You have got to be kidding me.)** I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash **(That's called a Thunder Storm.)**and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.**(So... Draco is going to die anyway... *Turns to Draco* You have the most rotten luck don't you. First you meet her, and then you have sex with her, and then... Wait a minute! It all comes down to her! BURN THE WITCH! ... Wait... I mean : BURN THE BITCH CALLED MAUDITE!)**

"No!" I screamed sexily.**(Not possible because you're not sexy. You only think you are.) **Suddenly I locked up **(Did you lock youself in a crate again? Good, keep her there.)** and stopped having the vision.**(This is boring... Let's make a list! Milk... Eggs... Flour... I'm making a vampire pie! All I need is... *Looks at Ebony/Enoby/Girl with too many names*)**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.**(It's actually an excited voice because he's hopping that she's dead.)**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up**.(So you're sad that you're ok? Fine... give me a hatchet...)**

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.**(I hate Vampire but I like Harry. I hate Maudite! This just sucks!)**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. **(But you just said that you were fine. Where you lieying? ... Liar liar pants on fire hang your pants to the telephone wire!)** Tearz of blood went down my face.**(Ugh. Right now I'm in a very boring class where I wish I could kill myself. This is the closest that I could get to.) **"OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **(*Slams head on desk multiple times*) **

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister**(Does Maudite mean Sinistra?) **aboutwhat the visions mean though."**(What does she have with that? Wouldn't be better to ask Trewlaney? Even if she's a fake.)**

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went.**(And fell down the stairs.)**

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><p>(This was bad but not as bad as the class that I'm in right now! And now it's my turn! BWAHAHAHAHA! *Cough* I have to stop that. Anyway, this is going to be short because I feel like it. You can complain in your revviews.)<p>

We ran all the way up a tower to see the professor. I burst through the door but couldn't stop running! At least I got to say "Hi" to the professor who was sitting down on her sofa before I went through the window! And here comes the hard grou-

Up in the tower : The professor looked down at the mess of bone, flesh and blood and shrugged her shoulders. "Not my problem." She turns to the other students with a sigh. "What did you guys want?"


	24. Pentastar the ninja star!

Chapter 24. Joy. At least it's out of the way! And this is actually the chapter where everything starts to get confusing... I say it like it's not confusing already...

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><p><strong>(Preps stop flaming the story, you're just jealous so fuck you, ok? Go to hell! Raven thanks for the help!)<strong>

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story **(I refuse and I'm not a prep! ... Far from it actually.)** ur jus jelous **(Of what! This _thing!_)** so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11**(You can join me! ... Actually, NO! You can go alone. I have spoken!) **raven fagz 4 di help!**(Not much help... at all.)**

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions**.(I thought it was supposed to be Sinister? Or something like that. Though I suppose that Trelawney could help too. Even if she is a faker!)**

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister **(Told you!)** in Japanese. **(Why does Maudite have to ruin an interesting language. And yes English is a language and she's ruining that one too!)**She smelled at me **(OK... What did you smell like? Bananas, cherries?)**with her gothic black lipstick**.(You know you could have just said BLACK! You don't need to put gothic in every sentence... Wait a minute... She got _gothic _right! Now I'm impressed!)** She's da coolest fucking teacher ever**.(And you're going to get fucking detention!)** She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. **(Soooo. Vampire it is!)**(hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing.**(From what I understand... This is either Harry's or Hermione's mon... And she's a vampire and japanese...I think japanese's have another word for a Vampire and there own legends about them... Obviously... Ugh, I'm confusing myself! This sucks!****) **she n b'loody mry get along grate)**(Oh! So she is Hermione's mother! This story sucks. ... _A grate: The recess of a fireplace or furnace_... I refuse to believe that they get along _grate_!)** She's really young for a teacher. **(Yeah! Had the kid at... what, 17? And no I do not promote young sex! Wait till you're married! ... That's what my mom believe's...)**2day she was wearing**(Don't care.) **a black leather top with red lace**(Don't care.****)** and a long goffik black ripped dress.**(Don't care.) **We went inside the black classroom **(Maudite! Don't you mean the back room?)** with pastors of Emily the Strong. **(What the hell are they doing there! And why would they need pastors? Are you going to need to do an exorcist?)** I raced my hand.**(Zoom zoom!) **I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.**(I DON'T CARE!)**

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"**(In this story, where else?)**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks.**(Of course they wouldn't know what it was! There are none in Scotland! Or England...)** I gave them the middle finger.**(How nice.) **"Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"**(If you don't pay attention to the mistakes it could almost sound dirty... Almost.)**

"Ho about now?" she asked.**(Why don't you go ho around by yourself? I don't think you need anyone with you!)  
><strong>  
>"OK." I said.<strong>(Wonderful. Two more whores going around in this story... Do we really need them to make the story suck even more? ... I guess so.)<strong>

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." **(And she's a professor! I'd boot her ass on the street as soon as possible and make sure that she didn't EVER get a job EVER again.)**Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit)**(Yes. I do. And it's still not funny!) **1 on page 3."**(So... Why is it only the "Preps" who have to do this? Talk about being stereotypical _and_ prejudiced.)**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." **(Premonition.)**I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.**(He's already died and come back to "life". What else can happen to him? Get eaten by a dragon? I personnaly think that he would be thanking it while it was eating him.)**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball **(What's _that_ going to do?)**to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.**(YOU! Dieying a very painful death! BWAHAHAHA! *Cough!*)**

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram."**(Does that even help? Like, what the hell can a gothic skull and a pentagram tell you about the future? "You're going to die because someone drew a pentagram!" Wow. scary.)**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. **(How dare you just look at it and not even open it!)** It was Draco.**(How the hell do you know this? The door was closed!)**He was looking really sexy wearing**(OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! KNOCK IT OFF!)** a black leather facet**,(Facet! What the hell is that? Oh Google! Come here boy! _Facet: one of the small, polished plane surfaces of a cut gem. _So... He had some black leather gems! Is that what Maudite is trying to say! ... I'm confused!)**a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt**(At least I understood this part.) **and blak Congress shoes.**(Congress! So there were many and they were fighting! An amazing shoe fight! ... I'd actually pay to see that!)**

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt."**(Whore.)** said Proffesor **(If she's a professor than I'm a dog... Or am I? BWAHAHAHA *Cough* I have got to stop it with the evil laughter.)**Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.**(I just thought of something: We haven't talked with Draco in a while... Or even seen Little Johnny! I'm a horrible person...)  
><strong>  
>I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.<strong>(Exhibited: Publicly display (a work of art or item of interest) in an art gallery or museum or at a trade fair. ... If she was for sale no one would buy her! And then we wouldn't have this horrible story! Life sucks when you realise that this is actually real.<strong>**)**

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><p>(Time to KILL!)<p>

We arrived in an empty class room and suddenly it went dark! I couldn't see at all! When the light came on I looked around because I couldn't find Draco or Vampire/Harry anywhere! When I looked down to my feet I could see some strange markings on the floor and then... I knew what it was! It was a pentagram! That would mean... The killer Emo Ninja's would arrive soon!

I had to find Draco and Vampire/Harry to warn them!

"Hiya!"

A ninja landed right in front of me and sent a penta-star right at me!

Ninja's point of view: "It is finally done! The evil has been purged from this world"

Draco and Harry looked down at the dead form of Ebony/Enoby/other with a penta-star in her troat and agree with the ninja.

They left her body there in the pentagram and went to party.


	25. Youknowwhat's and tools

I'm baaaack! After just a day! Can you imagine that!

Anyway, in this chapter we learn that there is such a thing as extreme sex!

Have fun my lovely tourists!

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><p><strong>(Stop flaming ok? If you don't then I'll tell Justin too beat you up! And I'll tell all the nerds to put a virus in your computer! Fuck you! Raven thanks for the help)<strong>

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin**(Which one is she talking about?) **2 bet u up!1111**(I highly doubt that Bieber can actually throw a punch much less beat me up... Sorry for the Bieber fans.) **n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111**(I doubt that you would know what a nerd looks like in real life.)** FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1**(Raven, darling, I suggest you stop helping Maudite.)**

I was so excited.**(For what? ... It's been so long that I actually forgot what the story was about. But there is no way that I am reading everything again.) **I fellowed **(followed)** Draco wandering **(wondering)** if we where going 2 do it again.**(I'm taking a guess in the dark but I think that she's talking about sex) **We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car**(So... They're going to do _it_ there?).**

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." **(Wasn't it something like Sinister? Sinistra? Trelawney? ... I don't know.)**whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.**(If you can't spell, you shouldn't be writing a story.)**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." **(Why would she tell you the next day instead of now? Maybe Maudite didn't think that far?)** I grumbled in a sexy voice.**(I'm sure you did.) **He took out a heroin cabaret **(Definition of cabaret: _ held in a nightclub or restaurant while the audience eats or drinks at tables. 2.A nightclub or restaurant where such entertainment is performed. _How in the hell do you even make a "heroin cabaret"?****)** and spiked it, **(Not even going to comment on how you spike a cabaret because I haven't the darndest clue!)** and gave it to me to spork.**(What? To "_spork_"!) **He started to fly the car into a tree.**(That way to die is too good for her.) **We went to the top of it**.(Somehow... This sounds exactly like it did in the first few chapters. What happened then... Oh yeah! She DIDN'T break her legs when she walked out of the car!) **Draco put on some MCR.**(Wonderful MUGGLE music!)**

"And all the things that you never ever told me  
>And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." <strong>(Let me guess: you don't own the lyrics?)<strong>sang Gerard's sexy voice.**(OK! We get it! Geez, you're in love with the guy and some other guys... I think.****) **We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently.**(What, what and what?)** He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar.**(Oh Google! Come here boy! Definition for bar: _A long rod or rigid piece of wood, metal, or similar material, typically used as an obstruction, fastening, or weapon_. From what I understand of the sentence now is that she is wearing a _blak_ thong and a weapon. My question is: WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES!) **I took of his black boxers**.(NOW SHE CAN SPELL _BLACK_ RIGHT!)** Then… … … … … … … … …**(The suspence is killing me... Oh my God, there are so many dots to go over! What am I ever going to do! Oh look, the sentence continues right here!****) **he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.**(What just happened? Review with me here: He put his _you-know-what_, which we usually call "penis", into her _tool_. Let me tell you what is wrong with that sentence: Remember when I told you she was carrying a weapon? Yeah. From what I understand he just put his penis into her weapon. I am dying of laughter!)**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism.**(FOR PETE'S SAKE! CAN'T MAUDITE SPELL? ... Forget I ever asked that question.) **We stated frenching passively.**(I refuse to believe that you are french! ... Sorry, that's not what she meant... There is no such thing as frenching passively! It's just not possible. Either you are frenching or your not.) **Suddenly… … … …**(Suspense, it's killing me. Ok, where at the next sentence.****)** I fell asleep.**(DRACO COME OVER HERE! _WHAT!_ *Looks at Draco* She fell asleep after having sex with you. _WHAT! I'M NOT THAT BAD!_)** I started having a dream.**(No shit Sherlock! Usually when you sleep you have dreams.) **In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.**(For some reason I replaced _goffik_ with goofy!)**

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" **(Then stop swearing!)** they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car**.(A very detailed dream I see.)**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.**(Remember, she's still asleep. Usually when you sleep talk or sleep walk... YOU DON'T REMEMBER!)**

"Ebony what's wrong?" **(What? You didn't fall asleep after that very memorable sex scene****?)**Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.**(Wait... Aren't her eyes supposed to be red or something? I can't remember because it was so long ago... No. I'm not checking. I refuse.)**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face**.(With all this crying going on I'm surprised she hasn't bled out yet!) **I told Draco to call Vampire.**(Why? It's not like the dream was real... Oh God no. Please don't tell me.) **He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile.**(The only thing I can find wrong with this sentence is that there is NO SUCH THING! I even googled it to be sure! *thinks I'm totally cool but knows that, deep down, I'm not*) **Butt**(I like big butt's and I cannot lie! Those other bro... No... Ok. *Sad face*)** the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… … … … … … … … …**(Suspence... Killing... You get the drill.****) **Lucian and Serious!111**(1. It's Lucius and Sirius, get it right 2. Lucius has blond almost white hair and 3. those two would never get caught dead together! ... Just thought you should know.)**

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><p>(My turn! My turn! Nanananana! ... For some reason, today I feel like a child!)<p>

Suddenly the forest turned into an ocean. I looked to Draco in confussion except that Draco had turned into a giant squid! I tried to swim away but I couldn't because I was stuck! (A/N: I'll let you guys think about it... Humm... Where could she be stuck?) The squid pulled me down into the ocean and I couldn't breathe!

Thoughts of the coroner: How in the world did she drown! She was asleep for God's sake!


	26. I want BLOOD!

Hello my darling tourists! I'm baaaaaaack! For maybe just one chapter... Sorry? You can blame life throwing curves in every directions these days! Anyway...

Today we see a lot of bold writing (because I can't see to stop myself) and a lot of nothing! ... And maybe some blood in the end!

Enjoy, ta-ta!

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><p><strong>(Preps stop flaming the story ok! If you don't like the story then go fuck yourself you fucking prep! You suck! Oh yeah and I wasn't being racist ok!)<strong>

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1**(It's been years since she wrote this and we still flame it! What does that tell you?)** if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep!**(I don't think it's possible to even fuck myself... Anyway! I'm not a prep.) **U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11**(Ok. Whatever.)**

A few mutates **(So now we have mutants! Awesome! ... _I think she meant "minutes". _Shut up Draco! You don't know what you're saying.)** later Vampire came 2 da tree.**(How did he find the tree? Is it like a specific tree? Does it glow? Multicoloured? I know! I spits fire!) **He was wearing a blak leather jackson,**(So he was wearing someone's skin! Made of leather! ... Now I have an idea ... Hey! Little Timmy! Come on! Let's go skin someone!) **black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.**(7 words right out of 8! She's improving!)**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob.**(You have got to be kidding me.)** Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me.**(He hugged her sexily? *Looks at Draco ... Back at the screen* _What?_ I'm just trying to imagine a sexy hug... It's not happening.) **I started to cry tears of blood **(I honestly hope that she dies from blood loss soon.)**and then told them what happened.**(But it was a dream!)**

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily.**(Ok. Calm down.) **He4 started to cry sadly**.(What is with everyone crying in this piece of sh*t!)** "What fucking dick did that!"**(Oh. I don't know. Maybe a guy with a gun.)**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."**(Dumbledore and Voldemort get apprentices but I can't! This is so unfair... again.)**

We ran out of the tree **(CRASH! SNAP! ... There goes their legs! BWAHAHAHA)**and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.**(Let's retrace our steps: Top of the tree, inside the castle and then inside Dumbledore's office. All in about tree seconds. ... IMPOSSIBLE!)**

"Sire **(Google? Definition: _The male parent of an animal. _So... Dumbledore is his "sire"? Interesting...)** are dads have been shot!" **(IT WAS A DREAM! Get it through your skull!)**Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face.**(So, Vampire/Harry and Ebony/Enoby/Whatever else, they are wiping his tears.) **"Enoby had a vision in a dreem."**(Nooooo. It was just a dream.)**

Dubleodre started to cockle.**(O... K...) **"Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?"**(*Holds my laughter* So she can divide herself. I wonder which side of her gets the brains... Probably none.)**

I glared at Dumbledore.**(Four words right! Let's go celebrate! I'm sure that I could find a beer somewhere...)**

"Look motherfucker." **(Look b*tch! You can't talk to Dumbledore that way!)**he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter)**(I have no idea what Maudite is saying in the parenthese... Something like "_See is that too of cracker_" which really makes no sense.). **"U know very well that I'm not decisional.**(Which means that she should never make a decision.)** Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series**(She's thinking of making a series! QUICK! HIDE YOUR CHILDREN! AND YOUR MOTHERS AND FATHERS! ... Actually, I think it would be so much essier to just hide the whole fucking world.) **and Lucian- pornto!"**(I think she meant pronto. I even checked Google to see if _pornto_ was a real word... It's not. Now I am extremelly disapointed.)**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"**(Good question.)**

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon."**(I think she wants to say "London" but I'm gonna go with "Long-Dong".) **I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff.**(I love the description of what he did!) **After a few mistunes **(He missed the tunes because Maudite took them away.)** he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. **(What did he call him on? I know! His patronus mobile!)** He said that they had been found.**(But they'd never been shot! OMG! The drama...) **Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together.**(I just don't know what I want to say right here so I'm just rambling because I feel like it! It's so much fun not paying attention to the story because right now my head hurts. Sorry, but just to point out something: This paragraph is a whole lot of nothing just like I'm typing right now.)** I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office **(Thought you said you were going to your room. YOU'RE GROUNDED!)** while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room.**(HE'S GROUNDED TOO!)** We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed**(Oh my...) **eyes. **(...God.)** Then, we kissed.**(For F*ck sake's! You're in the hospital wing waiting for people! STOP THAT!) **Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers**(They probably could have levitated them all the way there... Seriously, it's a MAGIC school.)**… … … … … … … … … .**(Oh my God... The suspence is killing me...****)**and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1**(Why? Was she on a stretcher too? Or was she walking behind them? Tell me! The suspence is too much... NOT! If it were up to me this story would have burst into flames a long time ago.)**

* * *

><p>(My turn! My turn! Nanananananana)<p>

I looked at Professor Sinister and asked how she was feeling. When she turned her head to look at me I could see that her eyes where a little cloudy and very slowly she lifted a very, very large butcher knife!

Someone else's point of view (because I'm lazy and can't decide who's): Surprisingly enough, the idiot girl hadn't even moved! She just stood there watching the knife move higher and higher in puzzlement! No one else was paying it any mind as there were patients to attend too but this was entertaining enough for me to actually conjure a chair, some popcorn to sit down and watch.

The knife was as high as the teacher could get it now and then, in one single movement, she brought it down! Right into that idiot of a child's chest! And again, and again, and again... It was raining blood and there was a big puddle of the stuff on the floor when finally the other people looked up and saw what was going on. They just turned back to the other patients and let Professor Sinister have his/her (because I don't know in this story. I know in the books though!) fun!

Such wonderful entertainment!


	27. Sedouce, then celebrate!

Hello Tourists! We learn that she has to go back in "Tim" and "sedouce" someone while I think dirty. Then it's impalement!

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>(You know what! I do not give a fuck what you preps think about me! So stop flaming the story bitches! Thanks too Raven for your love and support and help I love you girl Sorry I didn't update laugh out loud I was really depressed and I slit my wrist I had to go to the hospital Raven you rock girl!)<strong>

Chapter 27.

vampirz wil never hurt u**(Bull shit!****)**

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111**(Then stop complaining in your author's notes.) **so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111**(No! I refuse!) **fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl **(Isn't this the girl that said something about being gay is gross!)** soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital **(Too bad they couldn't keep her there for psychiatric evaluation.)** rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111**(Stop it with the one's!)**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them.** (I'm sure you did. Because having a dream about people getting shot is called "saving them")**Drako, Lucian, Serious bond**(Bond, James Bond.)** Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.**(Give who medicine?) **

"Cum on Enoby." **(Nasty!)** said Proffesor Sinatra. **(Isn't that a singer?)**She **(Maybe not...)**was wearing **(I don't give a rat's a$$!)**a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it **(Vampire _blood_? I thought vampires didn't have blood and that's why they drink it... I guess this could make a good project for someone. "Why do Vampires need to drink blood? Is it really to survive or is it so they can bleed?")** and fuking black platinum boots.**(Why did you put a swear word to describe boots? ... I don't want to know...) **"I have to tell you the fucking perdition."**(I feel like making fun of typical preps, just for the hell of it because I really don't want to say what's wrong with the phrase over head: Well, OMG! I need to tell you what I did this morning! Like, I woke up and, like, I got dressed and, like, I had to brush my teeth and, like, sooner or later, like, I'm gonna, like, shoot myself because, like, I hate talking like this! ... Like.)**

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake**(The singer?)** and Vampire. They nodded.**(For what? Do you need the permission of everyone to do what you want to do?)**

I smelled happily**(The are so many things wrong with just those three little words if you have a very imaginative mind... I need brain bleech!)** and went into a dark room.**(I need it even more now!****) **I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball**.(So... she wanted to start with the cards then decided against it? And what in tarnation is a "crucible ball"? I checked on google and all it gave me was something about some guy and a, I think, chemistry project!)** She said… … … … … … … … …**(... Suspence... You get the drill.****) **"Tara, I see drak times are near."**(She missed an "e" in there. What she wanted to say was: "I see Drake times are near." ... Which means she's going to another concert. I hope not!) **She said badly.**()** She peered into da balls.**(Why is it that every time I read this piece of Sh*t I can't find my brain bleech!) **"You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had.**(Time-Toner! Where you go back in time to get fit!)** "When Voldemint**(He's evil and tasty! ... Oh God! Quick! I need the bleech!)** was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken**.(So... He got his fireplace gutted? Somehow, that doesn't seem right... Someone should have done something for him! No wonder he went evil! It was to save all of those poor defenseless fireplaces!)** Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" **(I'm not sure about Voldemort, but Volxemort I'm sure about! He most certainly wouldn't go evil if he was in love... or having missed the meeting because he was having sex!)**I shook my head**.(Great. Ebony/Evony/Or whatever agrees with me... SHOOT ME DEAD!) **"U must go back in time and sedouce him.**(Just add an "h" and look what you get from Urban Dictionnary! : Sedouche: Act of seducing a young lady by a man considered to be a douche bag. The sedouching is accomplished by means of frosted tips, wearing sunglasses at night or flashing a key ring from a German made car, etc.) **It is the only way.**(I'm confused because of Urban Dictionnary... Now I think the professor wants her to turn into a man and sedouche Volxemort! Haha... Brain bleech.) **If he is still evil then you must kill him. **(Why not kill him as soon as you see him? So much simpler... and less chapters to write.)** You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."**(Just that sentence alone should be baned from existance.)** "Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin.**(I am incredibly dirty minded right now and it's not helping that at every sentence of this story I get more imagination...) **I went outside again sadly.**(Why? You don't want to be know as the town slut? Sorry, but you already are.)**

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?**(F*chin' hell! Maudite can't even say Bloody! That's it! I need a new name for the b*tch! I challenge every tourist that is reading My Immortal right now to give me at least a new name for her!****)**

I was about to tell them butt every1**(Lazy!)** was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco.**(Why not just tell everyone... I know! She wants to make things complicated.)** They were cheesing my name**(So they wrote her name down with cheese. That's not strange at all! Doesn't everyone do that?) **and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore.**(Yes. Because interviewing the apprentice of Dumbledore is as close as to the real man as they're gonna get.) **A banner was put up.**(Why? Because you had a dream... Let me tell you something sister. There are bigger dreams out there and yours isn't one of them... God do I feel like a b*tch right now.) **Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz**(The "HIM" sign? What in the world is that? Can one of the tourists explain please?)-** depite them not having akshelly heard of him.**(Heard of who? Wow, I must really be out of the loop or just living under a rock or something...) **Even Mr. Noris looked happy.**(Imagine a cat grinning, then put the head on the body of an old man. Disturbing, ain't it?)** A blak and red cake had been brought out.**("Congrats! You caught : Herpes!" That's what it says.) **Crabbe and Goyke**(Nice mix up.) **set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises.**(So they're wise now? Interesting...)**

I put on my Invisibility coke**(Just pour!) **with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.**(To have a passionate night of bull shit!)**

* * *

><p>(Let's go for something simple and short)<p>

As we walked along the grounds of Hogwarts it suddenly became dark! I couldn't see anymore! I kept walking and then I wasn't touching the ground!

Draco and Harry's point of view: We looked down into the hole and saw the spikes that were pointing up! Oh yeah... She was impaled in the middle of them. But boy are we glad that that wasn't us!


	28. Where I'm obsessed with JAWS

I'm back. I was enjoying wonderful stories with mindful plots, a good story line and thought out characters and I have to come back to this... thing! Am I crazy? Don't answer that.

I also absolutely forgot what the heck is going on in this so don't mind me. Also, last thing my dear tourists, my mother decided to give a message to Tara/Maudite before realizing that this story was completely over.

My mother's message to Tara Gillespie/Maudite when I read her the first chapter and then explained what the story is: " I can't believe you have no idea Harry and Draco are wizards. What is going on in your, so called, gothic mind?"

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><p><strong>(I said stop flaming the story it was a mistake when professor Trlawney said that ok! Go too fucking hell! You suck! Thanks to fily for the help! Raven have fun with kiwi!)<strong>

Chapter 28.

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111**(Ok. Than why didn't you fix it.) **GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111**(NO! YOU GO!)** U SUK!**(DOUBLE FOR YOU!) **fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1!**(A new helper who doesn't help that much.) **raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111**(She just told her "friend" Raven to go have fun with a KIWI! ... This does not help with mental images.)**

We went in2 a blak room**.(I thought you guys went outside!)** The wallz were blak**(Well... It is a black room and seeing as you take everything so seriously...) **with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason** (Who in the world is Marlin Mason?)**all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle.**(Time for more "Goffick"!) **Red vevlet lined da blak box.**(At least she got three words right, I think I would have cried if she got the word "box" wrong.) **There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem.**(Whose skulls? Because if it's from some guy from like Walmart then that is not cool. Make it a tribal warrior at least, gives it more "pazzaz".)** I wuz wearing**(Don't care.)** a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it,**(**Don't care.**) **fishnet suckings **(**Don't care.**)**and a blak leather thong underneath.**(That can't be... comfortable. Oh, and still: don't care.)**

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly.**(She sat the chairs down? How does that help anyone? ... Dispersedly? Not even going to comment on that!) **So did Drako and Vampire.**(Wonderful.****)** "Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard **(I... I don't even know what to say! I'm shocked! This... This is so funny! I can't stop laughing right now! I'm completely serious, as I'm typing I am giggling like a little school girl!)**hand on mine. He was wearing**(Really don't care.) **black nail polish. I was wearing**(Why don't you ever shut it about this!) **blak nail polish with red crosses on it.**(****Don't care.****)** "Yah I guess." I said sadly.**(As I said before: I forgot what happened before this and I refuse to reread everything so I'll let it pass. But... Usually when someone has to ask if you are "okay" it means that something traumatic happened so I say that she is LYING!) **Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily.**(He "pot" his hand. Is he smoking pot or is his hand in a pot or ,maybe, he's smoking his hand!) **I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick.**(Oh my god! Shut it!) **"The problem is… … … … … … … … …**(Something for suspense. Why don't all you at home play the JAWS sound track! That should help!****)**I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"**(Or you could kill him. It's just a thought you know. From a sane person... I think.)**

Draco started to cry sadly.**(Suck it up buttercup... That sounds incredibly wrong at this particular time.) **Vampire hugged him.

"Itz okay Eboby."**(Maudite. I've decided to stick with the name for now... Even if I'm not happy about it.)** he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"**(You have got to be kidding me. If I were you Draco, I'd ditch this chick and find someone who actually cares about you. _Thanks for the advice but if you remember: We had never been together! I don't even know this chick! I've never seen her before!_ Shut it! Stop ruining my moment! _You don't even like me!_ Does it matter?)**

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.**(Ugh! I want to puke!)**

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. **(I predict another stupid sex scene. Tourist, please avert your eyes.)**Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then… … … …**(I'm thinking. What soundtrack would be good for this... No, not the Notebook! Who ever suggested that should be imprisoned!... Think up something raunchy.****) **I took off Draco's MCR shrift**(So they went to a Thrift shop and bought a shirt so she calls it "shrift". That makes sense!)** and seductvely took of his pants.**(You misspelled "seductively" and you missed an "F". It went for your grade in spelling instead of this abomination, I believe.) **He was hung lik a stallone.**(I'm sorry, but right now, again, I really can't stop laughing!) **He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby **(With that exact spelling too!)**on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way.**(I'm not even going to ask if "Gerard Way", who ever he is, even has a tattoo because it is impossible for him to have the same exact tattoo. And even if he did I wouldn't believe it because in my mind there is no way!) **Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).**(I'm sure you did. Just so everyone is caught up: They are going to have sex and Vampire/Harry is going to film it! Shut it back there. I know I have the wrong word but I'm French and you are going to have to deal with it! Got it!)**

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.**(I'm trying to make sense of this sentence but I think my brain just went on holiday. Again.)**

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin.**(Seven words right out of nine! She's getting better at this Grammar thing!) **He put his spock**(I think she means "dick" or "cock" or "penis" or "joystick" or... Sorry, I googled "other words for penis" and it gave me plenty!)** in my you-know-what **(Google other words for "Vagina" and find out yourselves!)** and passively we did it.**(How in the world do you "passively" have sex? I mean... Is that even possible?)** "I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u."**(Sounds so sexy. _For the ones who don't know: Hazel's using the sarcastic voice._****) **he screamed as we got an orgasm.**(That wasn't even a scream. I'm feeling cheated right now for some reason that I don't even know!) **We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly… … … … … … … … … … **(Nothing! You dreamed it all and we find out you're actually a teacher! I think my ending is even more scary than anything she ever will write in this thing! Tell me I'm right if you think so!****)**

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"**(Ruining the moment apparently. Thank you!)**

It was … … … … … … … … … … .**(Dun Dun. Dun Dun. Dun Dun Dun Dun **Dun Dun Dun Dun DUNNNNN! Blame Jaws.******)**Snope**(Snape with scope! Quick! Look away!) **and Profesor McGoggle!111**(She's wearing goggles! That's why Maudite calls her that! Now I got it! That just leaves one question: Did McGonagall steal them from Hooch?)**

* * *

><p>(Guess it's my turn. I'm running out of ideas so why don't you guy's make up your own scenario.)<p>

Snape looked around the room and went even more pale than he usually is. McGonagall asked the two boys what had happened before the teachers had arrived but all she could understand was that somehow the room had filled with water until it was waist high and the girl had been eaten by a shark. She looked around the room: There wasn't a single puddle.


	29. Too Australia we go!

Sorry it took so long my darling tourists but I was getting pissed off very easily so I decided to spread it out over a few days.

Hope you guys enjoy, and just think, we're almost done!

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><p><strong>Shut the fuck up! your just jealous 'cuz your preps so fuck you! Raven you rock girls thanks for the help MCR Rocks 666!<strong>

Chapter 29.

AN: sot das fok up!11**(I refuse until this thing has been given justice and gets into prison! ... What do you mean you can't do that!?) **ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111**(Last time I checked I wasn't a prep and I'm sure that I'm not gonna change any time soon.) **raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX **(Whatev.)**666!111111111111

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin.**(They what out of the coffin? Maybe they jumped on a ramp... That's the only explanation I can come up with.)** Snap**(Crackle and Pop.)** and Professor McGoonagle**(McGoggle turned into a Goon now.)**started to shoot at us angrily.**(Where did they get a gun. Last time I checked Ebony/Eboby/Whatever was the only one with a gun... If that's not true, just go with it.****)**

"CUM NOW!1!"** (Quick! Avert your eyes!)**Preacher McGongel yielded.**(From goggles to goon to ... preacher? What is going on!?) **We did guiltily.**(Oh. My. Lord. If you are younger than... 17 than you should not know what they just did and I'm not gonna tell you! So stop asking!****)** We left the room putting on our clothes.**(WOW! One phrase right! That must be a record or something.) **Snoop **(Dogg)** garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.**(What I understood: The rapper "Snoop Dogg" grabbed some caramel and put it in his pocket. Why he would do that instead of eating it, I don't know...)**

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.**(Again with the guns!)**

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" **(I think he meant the caramel.)** Draco demonded **(We traded an 'a' for an 'o'.)**all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes.**(Who is Longley? Maybe she named his... Never mind.)** "Look, Dumblehor**(Dumbledore apparently just turned into a whore. For some reason I can't stop thinking "It fit's him!" which i know is not true.) **noes your little secret**(Yeah, he's been nosing around all morning!) **and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's.**(The fruit!) **So give back da camera!1111"**(Not with that type of grammar!)**

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.**(Confused. Did we just hear Snoop Dogg's thoughts or did he say it out loud?)**

"Yes so shut your mputh**("_mputh_"? Does Maudite mean "Mouth"? or something else that starts with the letter "m"? I don't know... What about you, my dear tourists? Can you think of an "m" word that could have work?)** you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle.**(Came back to the goggles!)** She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it.**(Then she is probably the biggest perv in the world.) **There were all these werid tools in it.**(Can anyone say "Dominatrix"?)** Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom **(No, I don't get it because i don't even want to think about it right now.)**lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif** (Isn't it Tom Felton that acts as Draco? I can't remember... O Lord od Internet! Please hear my plea! I need to know who played as Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films! ... Guess I got to check on Google... I was right! And I just saw a picture of Pansy Parkinson: Looks nothing like the book described her, just saying.)**but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).**(RUN GERARD! RUN!)**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1)**(I think Raven's pulling a fast one on her.****). **Vampire took out a black honkerchief**(What in the world is a "honkerchief"? You know what, I don't want to know.) **and started to wipe my red eyes.**(Look out Vampire/Harry! It's Voldemort!)**

And then… … … … … … ..**(Can you feel the love tonight... Oh. Sorry, I just really want to watch Lion King for no reason right now... Stop judging me!****) **he and Snoop both took out guns using magic**.(You have got to be kidding me. Using magic to conjure guns! Why didn't they just both "Avada Kedavra" her ass in the first chapter!) **They started to shoot each other angrily.**(Is that... No! It can't be! ... Congratulations Maudite, you have been awarded the "Made no mistakes in a phrase" prize.)** Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. **(And... You just ost the prize.)**I took out my wand.**(What she gonna do? Pick her nose? Start making up words? Actually USE her wand?)**

"Crosio!" I shouted.**(Got two out of three! I'm getting good at this!) **Snap stated 2 scram**(I decided that I'm too lazy to actually make sense of that so I understand that he ran away.) **he dropd da gun.**(He dropped the gun.) **But it was too late.**(Why? What did you do?)** Both of them had run out of ballets.**(O... K...)** I STOPPED DA CURSE.**(OK! CONGRATULATIONS! WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?)** Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up.**(Kinky. Quick! The bleach!) **She took out a box of tools.**(She's going to fix them. ) **Den she said "OK Serverus **(Spelt it wrong! He's called Snap or Snoop or Something...)**I'm going 2 go now." She left.**(What? Why? Come back...) **Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry**.(Suck it up buttercup! ... Again, it sounds so wrong to say that.)**

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco**.(Draco, darling, I don't think that it's Enoby/Eboby/Ebony that needs comforting.) **"Evergreen will be all right.**(Who is Evergreen? Is he talking about Vampire/Harry? If he is I'm gonna throw something.)** Remember the cideo u took of Snake."**(No. I don't and I'm not going to go back and read it.)**

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111**(Bondage Time! WOOHOO!)**

* * *

><p>(My turn! Our darling tourist, James018, suggested to get her killed by a few deadly animals from Australia. So here we go!) (<strong>Warning<strong>: Hazel-Jade has no idea what Australia looks like except from what was seen in movies!)

Suddenly, as if by magic, we weren't in the room anymore. We had been transported to what seemed like desert. I turned around and saw Draco and Vampire/Harry vanish!

I had walked for so long (5 minutes) to find a road, a town or even someone to figure out where I was but I was lost. Suddenly out of nowhere, I saw something coming towards me! I ran towards it hoping that it was someone that could save me but it wasn't. It was a very large mouse!

I looked at it and it looked at me and then... it punched me!

View point of a random person: I looked through my bynoculars at the strangest sight I'd ever seen. A kid was fighting a kangaroo! I decided that it wasn't my problem as the Roo gave her a punch that litterally knocked her out.

Who knows, maybe the coyotes will get her! Someone stupid enough to get in a fight with a Roo deserves it!


	30. Snape and Severus meet!

Oh my God! My darling tourists! Do you see the light!? We only have, what, 13 more chapters to go after this one? Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel? You can bet that I can see it. This has gone on for much too long, it's about time it ends. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Ps. Somehow, probably because of this... thing, I've become immune too stupid people. Who knew that this would be a cure for stupid? ... Or maybe it just made me dumber. I really hope not!

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><p><strong>Stop flaming the story ok you don't know what's even going to happen ok! So Full you! If you flame you will be a prep so all flamers can kiss my ass! Sorry for saying alzhimers is dangerous but that's the mysteries opinion 'cuz society basically sucks. Thanks to Raven you rock bitch!<strong>

Chapter 30.

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111**(A full load of BS. That's what's gonna happen.)** so FUL U!111**(I am full! I just ate!)**if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111**(I don't even want to look at it never mind kissing it!)**soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux.** (Who are the "mysteries"? Are they another band that she likes?)**fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111**(I want her to jump off a bridge...)**

"No!11" we screamed**(What are we screaming about this time? I forgot and the last chapter that I posted wasn't that long ago...)** sadly. **(Screamed sadly... I can see it, but there should also be a few tears... This thing is depressing me now! Quick! Go look at cute pictures of kittens!)**Snap stated loafing meanly.**(Loafing? Google, where are you? There you are boy! _Loafing: having no employment._ So, he has no employment and he's mean about it? Thank you Maudite for making absolutely no sense what so ever.)**He took out a kamera anvilly.**(So he took out an anvil that looked like a "kamera"? What's a "Kamera"?)**Then**(Oh for Pete's sake!)**… … … … … … … …**(He got kicked in the nuts by a Ninja Cat that cartwheeled out the door!)** he came tords Darko!1!**(I liked my idea better! There where no spelling mistakes.)**He took sum stones out of his poket.**(What's going on? Who the hell carries stones around? Where is Superman?)**He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.**(What's going on? Why aren't clouds purple? Why are we called humans?)**

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily.**(I thought they didn't have anymore bullets!)**Snoop laughed meanly.**(Go Snoop Dogg!)**He polled down his pants.**(So he slid down a poll and then pulled down his pants?)**I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!**(Wow. I... I don't know what to say... I...)**

He waved his wand and a nife came**.(Ok...)**He gave da knife 2 me.**(Quick! Stab yourself with it!)**

"U must stab Vrompire." **(Why? What's he done to you?)**he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"**(Let me get this straight: They were having sex and then McGonagall and Snape came over and brought them to another room where some tools were. Then she left and Snape decided to pull down his pants, give a knife to Ebony/Eboby/Enoby and tell her to stab Harry/Vampire or he would rape Draco... DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE ANY SENSE?)**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded**.(So she did kill him? I don't know anymore! This thing confuses me so much!)**

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy.**(Just kill me already! This is torture!)** He lookd exactly like a pentragram**(How in the hell does a person look like a pentagram?)**(lol geddit koz im a satanist)**(****HAHA! No. Wasn't funny.)** between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. **(Wha?)**But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair.**(STAB THEM BOTH THEN! THEN FINISH YOURSELF! ... Can you guys tell that I'm losing patience.)**I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came**(Just so you guys are informed: Dumbledore was dressed as Draco so she wasn't really screwing Draco.)** and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide **(And you didn't really care...)**and Vampire wuz so sportive.**(Sure. Whatever you say! *wink*)**

Snipe**(Now he's a sniper!)**laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort.**(Volxemort the god, not Volxemort the apprentice. We can't afford to get those two mixed up or it'll be Armageddon!)**He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire.**(What... Just... Happened? I'm so confused that it's not even funny! ... I decided that that last sentence didn't exist for my sanity.)**Suddenly an idea I had.**(She speaketh the English!)** I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers**(Turning into a bat? Fog? Sucking blood?)**I sent a telepathetic massage**(Great. He's about to get raped and you give him a _massage_!)** to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape.**(Destruct? Destroy? I don't think it fits... _That's because the word Maudite wants is distract._ I... I knew that Draco but thank you anyway.)**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.**(Yeah. I hear that the apprentice of Dumbledore is a real bad-ass!)**

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. **()**Meanwhile I took out my wand.**(What cha gonna do with that!? I hear your better with a gun though I hope it's without bullets 'cause I hear your aim is terrible.)**

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded.**(YES! Snoop's back in the hood! ... I'm feeling all ghetto now.) **He took off all of Drico's clothes.**(The only mistake Maudite does is on the one word that she uses constantly. *facepalm*) **Just as he was about to rape him….**(Not a single mistake in the sentence and it's the most depressing one... Fun.)**

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound.**(I... I... This is the best mistakes that Maudite could have ever made! I absolutely love it! ... I really do mean it my dear tourists. Read it out loud and then try to tell me that it's not made out of gold. I dare you.) **Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.**(What does "Screming" mean? I searched through Google and I couldn't find it! And Google usually finds everything!) **Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious.**(Are you serious!? ... No pun intended.) **I stopped doing crucio.**(But you weren't doing "crusio" you were doing "Crosio" which is completely different... So he kept on "screming". What ever that means.)**

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape**(Snoop just turned into Snape? (Checks next part of sentence))** but suddenly Serverus came.**(Nope, he's still Snoop. Unless she really f*£¢ed up on this one and just decided to add another Severus Snape... I vote for the second one!)**

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." **(Smoothe. He can't have thought that anything was going on. I mean he's in a classroom with three kids, without any pants and a whip. I also think that one of them is tied up... Noooooo, Nothings going on.****)**he lied. But suddenly Lusian **(Who in the hell is this?)**and Profesor Trevolry**(I think we saw this person before but I can't remember so I'm gonna ask again: Who the hell is this?****)** came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap.**(YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY! It's Snake you're looking for!)** Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."**(Why?)**

* * *

><p>(I feel like we haven't had that many animals in this. Let's fix that!)<p>

As I followed the Professor I was wondering why she wanted me to follow her. I mean, Draco almost got raped and Harry/Vampire could have been killed! And now they're taking me away from my boyfriends, I don't think so.

She turned the corner and I went into a classroom without her noticing. I closed the door very quietly and smiled. If I waited long enough I'd be able to go back to them!

I turned around ready to wait for as long as possible and froze. I couldn't believe what I was seeing! The Gryffindore lion was real!

Hours later: Professor McGonagall and Snape are standing over the ripped up body of one of their students. Professor McGonagall turned to Snape and asked which student it was so she could go and inform the parents. Snape looks at her and says that he cannot remember her name. They both shrug and, one banishing charm later, left the room.


	31. Tom's turn!

I can't believe that I'm still reading this! But look! Two chapters in one day! Aren't you happy my darling Tourists? I didn't have to take a break to re-gain my sanity!

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><p><strong>I said shut the fuck up (something)! Stop calling Ebony a Mary-Sue ok you don't even know what's going to happen ok so fuck you! Thanks too my Best Friend Forever Raven for the help!<strong>

Chapter 31.

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111**("quiephs" Is that a swear? Threat? Promise?)** stop kalin ebony a mary su **(Why? She is a Mary-Sue so why should I stop calling her that? And why do you get to dictate what I say?)**ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111**(I know exactly what's gonna happen! I'm gonna read this and then I'm gonna be confused the whole day.)** fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111**(Not much help if I'm judging by your spelling mistakes... Maybe she helped with the plot! ... My faith in humanity just went down a few hundred notches...)**

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side,**(I just realized how much I don't give a damn...) **you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111)**(I am now using that as my new swear word! Bitca! I love it!)**."Serious said 2 Snape.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.**(Wait a minute... I just realized that in the last chapter some teacher took her away... I really hope that she didn't split into two people! I can't even stand one let alone two!)** "Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum**(I'd be careful with that. It sounds really nasty!) **out of my poket and gave it to Serverus.**(Close but no cigar.) **He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily.**(Angry face.)** Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap.**(What is going on? Not even five minutes into commenting and I'm already confused! Wow, I think that's a record of some kind...) **Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes.**("Secretes" Google, where are you? ... There you are! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! _Secretes: To generate and separate (a substance) from cells or bodily fluids. _Yuck! That's gross!) **Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times.**(Why are they thanking her? I forgot and I don't want to go back to those st*£¤d chapters.) **Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room.**(Careful, one of you almost got raped we don't want that to happen again... Sure, we want to kill you but not rape you.)** Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort.**(Since when have we decided on this? And why not just seduce Tom Riddle? Why does it have to be the apprentice of Voldemort?)**Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. **(Ok, I don't care other than the fact that they are muggles so you wouldn't know about them. But other than that, I don't care.)**Hermoine,**(Oh My God! Hermione's back! Yes! Now we can have some thing to look forwards too!)** Darkness and Willow came too.**(I forgot about these people.) **B'loody Mary **(And it looks like Hermione just left the building again. Dammit!)**gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.**(You have got to be kidding me. *facepalm*)**

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.**(Who is this again? Because I know Trevor is NOT a person.)**

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag.**(She said that you'd see! You're not allowed to peek!) **In it was a sexy tite low-smut**(I don't care. Quick! Copy and paste is up ahead!)** black leather gothic dress.**(I don't care.)** It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg.**(I don't care.) **I put it on.**(Good for you.)** My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz**(I don't care.)** and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. **(I don't care.)**Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.**(And last but not least: I don't care... Don't you just love copy and paste?)**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said.**(No she does not look cute. She looks demented. That's how she looks. No _living_ person would ever wear that.)**

"Fangs." I said.**(Ugh. Stop it! It burns through my sanity! Please have mercy on my soul! ... Just stop saying thanks like that!)**

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." **(So she was born from a man. And she's going back into that man... To be born again?)**said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." **(Why not just do it in a full session? You're gonna go f&*k with time why not go with a bang?****)**She gave me a blak gun.**(Maudite, why are you so obssessed with guns? In almost every chapter there is a gun... What does it mean? Does it represent your soul? Your body? Your spirit? Maybe even your shirt? ... I think that's it! She has a shirt and every time she says gun in the story she's actually telling us that she is wearing THAT shirt! ... I feel... St*&id)** I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill**.(I know for a fact that that is not a real movie but Resident Evil is.) **Then she gave me a black time-tuner.**(Wha...) **"After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said.**(THAT'S NOT HOW THEY WORK! What the heck is going on here?)** Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me.**(You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kiding. Me.****) **Every1 went in front of it.**(What is going on?)**

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted.**(THEY KILLED HER! We're finally free! HAHAHAHA!)** Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin.**(Never mind. she's not dead... What the heck is a "Deth touch sin" ... Actually, never mind. I don't even want to know.) **Then… … … ..**(Feel the suspense. I dare you.)** I jumped sexily**(Not possible. There is just no way. I refuse to even believe that that sentence is there from now on and forever. Amen.) **in2 da Pensive**.(Wha? Fa. Ba. Ma... Brain will restart in 3... 2... 1... What I miss?)**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School.**(She jumped into a pensive to change the past... How is she planning to do that? Beat the memories into submission?) **In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen.**(Hands off girl! You've already got two that are hoping that yolu never come back! You don't need another one.)** He was wering long blak hair,**(I don't care.) **kinda like Mikey Way only black.**(Don't know him so I don't care.)** He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin.**(I highly doubt that.)** He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans.**(I have a feeling that this is going to blow my mind because of the crazinest.)** It was… … … … … … … … .**(Suspence. Again.****)**Tom Bombodil!1111**(... I feel like I should care but I just don't. After all that I've been through with this story I don't think anything alse can surprise me.)**

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><p>(Hip Hip Hooray for my turn!)<p>

He turned around and looked at me with a smile. He looked like an angel that fell from heaven and suddenly became gothic. I took a step towards him and still with that amazing smile he lifted a gun.

I knew that he wouldn't shoot me because he loved me. The gun was turned in my direction. I kept walking, I knew that I wasn't in dang-

Tom's point of view: That smile was so freaky! She just kept walking towards me even when I lifted the gun. I didn't have a choice!


	32. Where my brain shuts down Twice

Here we are on chapter 32. And we can only hope that I don't lose anymore sanity!

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><p><strong>I said stop flaming I know his name isn't Tom Bodil that was a mistake! If you don't like the story than you can go screw yourself! You suck!<strong>

Chapter 32.

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111**(You could have fixed it! Get your a$$ off the chair and stop being lazy! _Hypocrite!_ Draco. Not now.)** if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111**(Can we still read the story and flame it? Because if so I'd be out of a job!) **USUK!111111**(No, you suck!)**

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student."**(Bull.) **I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.**(The black nail polish must be a representation of something...)**

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam"**(Cha. Ka. Da... Brain rebooting in 3... 2... 1... That's not his middle name!)**

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs."**(Why?) **Satan said. I followed him.**(You followed a 't your mother told you not to do that?) **"Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" **(I don't mind them. Oh! You were asking him! Sorry about that!)**(sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den)**(Neither does Green Day, Maudite... I have decided that her name is now Moron. I don't think I've used that one beofre... I really should make a list but I'm too lazy for that... Oh, well. If I did, you guys would tell me right?) **I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?"**(Can I kill both of you? Because unlike you guys, I actually do own a gun...)** Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."**(Doesn't exist in that time...)**(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s)**(I havent' heard it and now I don't want to. But I'll bet anything that she just imagined it.)**

"omg me too!" I replied happily.**(Oh my God! That's probably the only time she's been happy in this entire time! ... If it isn't, just indulge me.)**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment.**(In this story, that's NOT a mistake.)**" satan whispered.**(Why are we whispering again?)**

"hogsment?" I asked**.(I just realized that she's spelling the words correctly!)** "yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." **(He comes from the past, she's the only one that knows about the future and now he's a seer?)**he told me all sekrtivly**(Secretly. The only word that's wrong so far...)**. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-" **(NO! Not cool, dude!)**

'topic!" I finshed, happy again.**(OMG! She's happy again! Quick! Run away!)**

He froned confusedly.**(And we're back to trying to figure out what she's saying... *Head-desk* ... Ouch.)** "noo its called Hot Ishoo."** (Ishoo? Or does he mean Igloo? Not that an igloo would ever be hot... But it makes more sense!)**He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic."**(Again with knowing what happens in the future... Question: Why does she have to seduce him? Why can't she just kill him now?)** he moaned.**(I am freaked out right now! Why in the hell would he moan! I just don't see why!)**

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me.**(Really!? 'Cause it's not making ANY sense to me! Maybe if she actually made sense...) **"so is dumblydor your princepill?" **("princepill?" You take it and you become a prince for about 2 hours! ... Side effects include: diarrhea, a great sense of discomfort, loss of appetite, feeling unsteady, loss of coordination, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, overactive reflexes, headache with chest pain and severe dizziness, trouble concentrating, memory problems, confusion, hallucinations and death when transforming back into yourself. If any of these happen, please stop taking the pill and contact your doctor.)**I shouted.**(NO YOU DIDN'T!)**

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"**(Duh!)**

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.**(Calm down!)**

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik)**(Oh, haha. She replaced school with skull. It's so... un-original.) **he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili.**(What is with you and smelling people! It's just freaky!)**

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding**(Cheese!)** at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" **(NO YELLING IN THE HALLS EITHER!)**he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters.**(At least Dumbledore's apprentice kind of knows how to dress...)** "STUPID GOFFS!"**(What did the Goth's ever do to Moron?)**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps."**(I highly doubt that it's that... Maybe it's because you're not wearing the school uniform or because of all the sex... It could be a whole bunch of things!)**

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord."**(Talk about tact.)**

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly.**(Yeah... That's not gonna fly.)**

then suddenlyn… … … … … … .**(For f*cks sake! Stop it with the suspence! I can't take it anymore! ... You may continue reading.****) **the floor opened.**(Really. It just decided that on that specific day it was gonna eat a few kids? ... That's so awesome! I wish they had that at my school! Then the teacher would be like "Where is this person?" and you'd be like "The f*ckin' floor decided to eat them!" I'd love to see that!) **"OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."**(I guess they're just used to it and no one EVER had time to scream before.)**

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell.**(Yes, because that's the normal reaction when a floor eats you up. "Ok! See you tomorrow!")**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom.**(I still can't get over the fact that she's using a pensive to go back in time.)**dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.**(The apprentice of Dumbledore doesn't need to be "goffik", they've all got their own style! They don't need mainstream!)**

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"**(I thought it was Trevolry's classroom! What the heck is going on now?)**

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that."**(You forgot about what? All she said was "um". So I guess she forgot about um... Maybe she means rum?)**

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second.**(You're gonna get in trouble. You're gonna get in trouble. You're gonna get in trouble.) **but shes a goff so its ok**.(Damn!)**

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum."**(Oh my God! That's digusting! ... I have to get my head out of the gutter, excuse me for a moment... I'm back!) **she started to cry black tears of depression.**(WOOHOO! She's got the words right!) **dumblydum**(Dumbledore's dumb apprentice.)** didn't know about them.**(About what? Voldemortserum? Of course he knows about that! Everyone knows about that! You know... It's the only drink that doesn't get you drunk! Instead, it get's you high!)** "hey r u crying tears of blood?"**(Oh, those. Dude, that's so last season! Come on, everyone knows about them!)** he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.**(So I guess it's bad form to touch someone else's tears...)**

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum."**(I'm not commenting because my head just went right back into the gutter.)**

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112**(I really don't wee the serious issue.)**

**See you fucking preps go fuck yourselves that's a serious issue to go too hell!**

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><p>(My turn! Let's go with... Flying!)<p>

As she said that she showed me a bottle with a skull and cross bones. She then took out a shot glass and poured herself a mesure. I couldn't let her drink it and stay addicted too it! So just as she was about to drink it I grabbed it and drank it myself!

"Ebony... That wasn't Voldemortserum... That was rat poison. I was going to kill myself."

And then everything went dark.

(I was kidding about the flying! Got cha! ... Now please review!)


	33. The offering!

Another one! Hurray! Have fun my darling tourists in this exciting instalment of "My Immortal" where we learn that I have no idea what's going on, again. We also learn what "borked" means and that suddenly "Ebony/Enoby/Eboby" is not a human/vampire hybrid!

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><p><strong>I said shut up it's not my fault ok if you don't like the story then you're a prep so fuck you flamers! P.S. I'm not up-dating until you give me five good reviews and this time I mean it! YOU SUCK! Thanks Raven 4 the help I'll promise to help you with your story. Laugh out loud (lol)!<strong>

Chapter 33.

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111**(I'm beginning to think that she likes the flames.) **ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111**(Who ever gave this monster five good reviews should be hung from their toes over a cliff.)** U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1**(I honestly hope that Raven ran for the hills after reading this.)**

"Oh my fuking god!1"**(As usual, I forgot what happened at the endd of the last chapter so I have no idea what's going on.)** I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's,**(Too all those who don't know: A manga is a type of comic book from Japan that you read backwards... That's the dumbed down version of it. So what I understand is that Maudite want's to find a saintly Manga?) **bitch?"

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy,**(Who the hell is "Lizzen Egogy"? ... Unless she means "Listen Ebony" but that can't be it!) **I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?"**(Wha? ... I'm here reading this while listening to Christmas songs, because I'm cool like that, and I'm not understanding a single thing. It just does not make sense to me.)**

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!**(Ok... Why are you surprised? Is he not supposed to be there? Because he always shows up at the worst moments so this is kind of expected.)**111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.**("panamas"? Let us look through the magic of the internet! With Google! _Panama: officially the **Republic of Panama** is the southernmost country of Central America._ So he's wearing part of a country? ... COOL!)**

"Hey Sexxy." I said.**(HEY! *Waves like an idiot*)**

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.**(I really should figure out who Gerard Way is... But seeing as she likes him I don't wanna.)**

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.**(Congratulations! You guys can walk!)** "How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously.**(You don't want them to have sex? _I wanted him to kill her! And he didn't! How that guy can stand her, I have no idea!_ I know what you mean kiddo.****)**

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked.**(Let's do another Google search! It sent me to Urban Dictionnary and here is what it said: _1. To have totally fucked something up. Usually by doing something stupid. Specifically used to describe technology that is broken. 2. Something is "borked" when it doesn't work correctly or misbehaves, generally due to negligence by the person(s) that are responsible for it._ ... So how in the world did she f*uck up? ... Never mind, don't answer that.)**

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily.**(Why do you care, Draco? _That isn't me! _I know, I just like to bug you with this. _F*£k off!_****)**

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.**(Because that's how it happens in the REAL world. We all shoot each other, say sorry and then start frenching. As the other person is dying.)**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled.**(At least Maudite is getting the right expressions so far.)**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly.**(Oh. My. God. Draco! You just turned into a mistress! _I hope you're only joking!_ Read it. ... Sorry guys, he just ran out and is now calling his father so he can fix this.) **He opened a door… … … … …**(The suspence! It kills!****)**Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11**(Who is "Lumpkin"? Do you think she means "Lupin"? Noooooo. That can't be.)** Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.**(All I understood in this is that someone is poking them with a knife. My brain is turning into mush.)**

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood.**(Apparently everyone is a vampire in this. And someone just pointed out in a review that the vampires in _Vampire Chronicals _actually cry blood... Remind me not to read it. No offence to who ever likes those books but honestly, I like my vampires to be like Dracula.) **I laffed statistically.**(So you take statistics on your laughs? That's not weird at all.) **I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued.**(Well, I think you should take photos of us also because we're being tortured even more than them.) **(ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz).**(What?) **We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz.**(Let me guess... NO! I need Brain Bleach NOW!)** We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld.**(Wha za?)**(if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111)**(I know what Underworld is. I've just never watched it... Don't judge me!) **. I put on some blak platform high heelz.**(Why?) **Darko**(The Terrible!)** put on 'desolition liverz' **(I don't even know if this is a real song or if she's just making it up...)**by MCR. Den… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … .**(Ouch! The suspence is killing me! What will happen next? Will she finally die or will this just keep going until we all try to kill her? Does Draco get back to normal? Will Vampire ever become Harry again or will he have to stay like that forever? Find out next time on: Nobody cares!****)**we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez**.(*sigh* Another sex scene? Doesn't Maudite think that we've been punished enough?) **I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz.**(So, what I understood is that she took out his shit and because of this he has a six pack and now she thinks it's funny... I need a better hobby than this because sooner or later I'm gonna be scarred for life.) **We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge.**(I haven't seen the Grudge yet but it's a horror movie. That's all I know and I highly doubt that there's some making out in their unless it's ex to make the movie more entertaining... Why am I saying this!?) **He pot his wetnes**(Keep this in mind.)** in my u-know-what sexily.**(So he turned into a woman because you usually refer too women as being wet and men as hard... So in all honesty: WHAT SHE'S SAYING IS IMPOSSIBLE!) **I gut an orgy.**(So you had sex with alot of people at the same time but Draco was the only one worth mentioning?)**

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" **(Fun.)**I screemed passively**(How do you scream passively.) **as he got an eructation.**("eructation". I like that. Right now I have the biggest goofy grin on my face like you can't imagine! And I have no idea why.)**

"I luv u TaEbory." **(Who is that? 'Cuz I think that looks kind of like Klingon... Oh my God! Ebony turned Klingon without anyone noticing!)**he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.**(Because it's always funny when you fall asleep.)**

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><p>(Let me see, what hasn't been done? Ah ha!) (P.S. Thank you too someone, I forget who, that pointed out that I made a mistake in the last chapter! But seeing as this is "My Immortal" I shall not fix it unless I am extremelly bored... When I finally finished the whole 44 chapters. -.-' Anyway! On with the entertainment!)<p>

I awoke from my slumber by some whispering. "Do you really think that Count Dracula is going to accept her as an offering?" Was something said that had gotten my attention.

I stretched my limbs and looked down from the ceiling. Two boys were carrying a long package, a rug, which was obviously carrying a person within it.

I watched with interest as the boys placed their burden on the alter, my kitchen table, and left without another glance towards the rug.

When they finally left I came down from the ceiling of my cave to investigate. As I approached the rug "It" grunted. I waited to see if the person would wake but that was not to be.

When I finally unravelled the young girl from the rug I wondered why those boys brought her here… That was until she opened her eyes and actually spoke.

Aren't you happy that I'm not picky with my meals?


	34. Satan's Sacrifice to Satan!

The only thing that's making me keep going is because we're coming close to the chapter that was hacked! Either way, in this chapter I seem to want to fill the whole page in **BOLD**!

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><p><strong>SHUT THE FUCK UP PREPS! Have you even read the story! You're probably all just preps and posers so FUCK YOU! Thanks to Raven for the help!<strong>

Chapter 34.

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111**(I forgot if I already changed her name from Maudite to something else. Oh well, doesn't matter!) **hav u even red de story!11**(Yes. And you haven't.) **u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111**(I am not, nor have I ever been a prep or poser so you can just go and f*$k off! In other news: The head of the author Hazel-Jade has finally exploded due to stress of a story called "My Immortal". We warn all of our viewers to never read this story. That is all.) **fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1**(Not that it did much.)**

I wook up in da coffin de next day.**(I have a feeling that I'm missing something... Oh Yeah! I have no idea what happened! Looks like you can win everything!) **Draco waz gone.**(Good, get as far away as you can. _What do you think I'm doing? _Right now!? All you're doing is hidding under your bed! I don't think that's considered as running.) **I got up and put on**(Here we go.)** a blak tight sexah drsss**(Don't care.)** that was all ripped at da end.**(Don't care.) **There wuz red korset stuff**("Red corset stuff" ... I like her descriptions! I'm gonna use that from now on! "Yeah, you know that stuff on the stuff that was in that movie about stuff!")** going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees.**(Don't care.) **There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth.**(Apparently one of the Mr. Smith's was a transgender who liked to wear dresses... That would actually be a movie that I'd watch because "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" was a little boring.) **I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots.**(What the f*%k is a "bo-ots"? A boot that turns into a robot?) **Suddenly… … … … … … ….**(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH H! It's the dot's! Every body RUN!****)**Sorious cocked on da door.**(He cocked on the door... Where did I put that bottle of brain bleach?) **I hopened it.**(Get it! She put the "h" because she's a "Ho". So she opened the door while being a ho... As usual. ... Jeez, that joke sucked! What's wrong with me!)**

"Hi Ibony." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office."**(Let me guess. Back to the past. This ought to be fun.)**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice.**(Weren't you happy in the last chapter?) **I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence.**(And that's why you're depressed? Or is it because you just realized that no one likes you?) **I came anyway.

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily.**(Wrong thing to say while flirting... Just saying.)**

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in Abkhazian now, lol."**(It's that little tiny island right next to Azkaban.)**

I laughed evilly.**(Why? It's not like their actually on Azkaban.)**

"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered.**(Great. Now Harry's a woman. This is just peachy.)**

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize moaned sexily.**(Who is "Sodomize"? The only sodomize that I know is in the dictionary... I wont say what it means because I don't know if there are kids who read this...)** "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas."**(Not a very scary movie. But I wouldn't know because I haven't really seen it and if I have I probably forgot it.)**

We went into da office.**(Ok. Tell me how you feel.) **Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing**(Don't really care.) **a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/**(From what she said above I believe that there was a URL here but it got deleted or something went wrong and her computer decided to spaz on her. It suddenly decided that it would die on her and she lost all that she had wrote and she couldn't find the picture again so she just pretended that the "http/" thing wasn't there... Like I said, something happened.) **She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.**(That stuff that she was addicted too and asked Ebony/Eboby/Whatev to help cure her or something? SHE'S NOT CURED YET! What the hell! I would have thought that this chapter wouldn't have followed the last one like all the other times!)**

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner**.(Why a time-turner? If you're going to use the pensive, which I have no idea how you're making it work like that, then you don't need a time-turner.)**

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now.**(Why are they calling it "Sessions" instead of "My really stupid plan to get rid of Voldemort is for you to sedouce him in the past so he doesn't become a monster." ... On second thought that would be too much writing on paper... I know! We can call it "The really stupid plan!" I just realized that I have no idea why I'm saying this so I'll just sh*t up now.****) **Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited."** (From the past? *facepalm*)**she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!"**(Her name isn't "Fangz" it's Enody!)**

And then… … … .**(Run. It will get you. Oh no. It got me. Help.****)**I jumped into the Prinsive again.**(I like how it's just that one word that's giving her trouble right now!) **Suddenly I looked around… … … … …**(Quick. Before it kills you. Run. Aaaaahhhh.****)**I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula**.(She's eating a person... IS SHE NUTS! She might just get something and di- ... Never mind! Forget what I said! Please, continue with your meal!)** It was mourning.**(The Count Chorcula was mourning? About what? That it was going to die? About the high taxes? About all his family that he was never going to see again? About the fact that the weather man is usually never right? About the fact that Draco Malfoy seems to be unimportant in this story? _Hey! I resent that!_ Resent it all you want, I ain't taking it back. ... Where was I...) **I was sitting next to Satan.**(I don't think I was really there... Oh! Sorry! Maudite or whatever I've been calling her these days means Enoby!) **On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair,**(Don't care. Let's copy and paste, shall we?****) **pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit **(Don't care.)** and blak Cronvrese shoes.**(Don't care.****)** He looked just like Charlyn Manson.**(Don't care because I don't know who she's referring too. Maybe Marylin...) **I noticed… …**(Run.****)**he was drinking a portent.**(I don't feel like going through google right now so I'll just point out that Maudite means "potions".)**

"Whose he!11" I asked**.(Not Severus Snape. I know that much.)**

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn."**(Oh, I'm sure he was!) **Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher… … … … ..**(Don't do it.****)**Ebony?"

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight?**(It's the biginning of the story all over again. Yay.)** And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."**(So... We get to watch people exercise for about an hour and a half. IT'S THE PERFECT MOVIE!)**

"Yah?"

"Well… ...**(Run. It's right behind you.****)**want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?" **(Not really, I've already got plans... Oh! You were asking... that thing!)**

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><p>(Guess who's turn it is!)<p>

Satan's/Tom Riddles point of view: She accepted! We went to see the exorcist without any problems and had lots of fun at the concert. Now it was just the problem of getting her to the forest.

Never mind the problem it was actually pretty easy. _Oh, I just want to take you out on a picnic._ Never mind the fact that it's practically midnight! And the fact that I don't have a basket with me.

We finally arrived at the perfect spot and my friends arrived right on time! Satan was going to be pleased with the sacrifice tonight!


	35. Blame him!

I want this to end! Anyway, that is none of your concern. What is your concern is that I apparently go a little crazy in this chapter... Sorry for that in advance.

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><p><strong>Thanks to Suzi for the idea! You rock! Fuck off preps! Thanks to Raven for the help you rock girl! Ps. I'm going to end the story really soon so FUCK YOU! Oh yeah and if you know any gothic names please tell me 'cuz I need one for Sirius! Thanks.<strong>

Chapter 35. gost of u**(A chapter title. Wonderful.)**

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1**(Yeah. Thanks Suzi. I hope you get a really bad cold for that!) **u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun**(Oh. THERE IS A LORD!) **so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz**.(I'd give him the names Suzi or Vanessa just because it seems she's turning all the males into females.)**

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan.**(You were f*cking him or thinking of him?)** Suddenly I gasped… … … … … … ..**(I wonder what's wrong. Just kidding, I'm not.****)**Draco wuz there!111**(What? Why does that surprise you? He usually shows up when you least expect it so you should have expected it!)**

I grasped.**(What exactly did you grasp... OH GOD! BRAIN BLEACH!) **He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.**(I just want to point out again that the real Draco wouldn't wear that.)**

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.**(Jeez. Maudite spelled it right the first time and now she can't spell that word even if her life depended on it. Makes me wonder anbout humanity sometimes...)**

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1**(Joy. Another name that she can't spell right. I wonder what Maudite will change his name to. Probably something like "Hell" or "Computer".)** He stil had two arms.**(When did he lose them? I don't remember this happening.)**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz."**(She actually said that! He must think that she is a moron, in which he would be correct!)**

"Yah Satan told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz.**(Did she put three x's in the word sexy to tell us that he was adult rated? Or because Maudite/Moron/Or whatever I've been calling her forgot how many x's it needs?) **They where siting in a corner kutting.**(Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Little Johny's gonna have a field day with this one... Your holding the knife wrong!)** It wuz Serious, Vampire's dad**(So, Sirius is very Serious and is Vampire/Harry's dad in this story. Great. I think I don't really have to say it but if you're into Canon, DON'T READ THIS CRAP! ... Actually, if you don't want your brain cells to disintegrate or take an extended holliday in the Bahamas when you are freezing your a$$ off in the north: DON'T READ THIS!)** and… … … … … …**(Ouch. The suspence. It's so suspended that I'm gonna die... What the hell did I just write!?****)**Snap**(Crackle and Pop!)**! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner**(When will Maudite/Moron/Whatev understand that we just don't care as to what they wear!)** and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys."**(First time I read this I thought that it was written on the shirt!)** he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.**(I'm sure you are.)**

"ORLY." I ESKED.

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX.**(Would any of you, my dear tourists, actually listen to a band that has such a crap name? I know I wouldn't even if they were the most popular group in the world. Until they change their name that song on the radio is being changed. So I have spoken, so it shall be!) **I play teh gutter.**(I'm sorry. This got me laughing so hard! How in the hell do you play a "gutter"? Maybe he's in acting and he's playing someone that has to gut a fish? Because the only "gutter" that I know of is on the side of the road... But you can play in a gutter! Which would make so much more sense!)** Spartacus plays da drums" **(Who the f*ck is "Spartacus"? ... THIS IS SPARTA!)**he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss.**(I have got to get my head checked because I thought of something so gross right here that I almost puked. Not fun.) **And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring."**(What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On. In. This. Crazy. Place.) **

"Hey bastards." **(Bitch.)**I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin.**(Wha? Did she just say that they touched her sin? Or they gave her a touch of sin? ... I is confuzzled!)** Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked.**(But not all bands need a lead singer you crazy person. I know a few that don't have one.)** Lucian looked dawn sadly.**(Poor thing.)** "We uzd to but she did.**(She did what? She jumped off a bridge? She got mauled by a dog? She got stabbed by a stag? She got bit by a worm? She got hit in the head by a water bottle? She got crushed by a llama? She got dumped on by a cow? She did what!? My tourists want to know! TELL ME!) **She contempted suicide by silting her rists."**(What? Did she contemplate it or did she attempt it? I know! She was contemplating it while she was attempting it! I AM A GENIUS!)**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped.**(Stop gasping so much! It can't be good for your health and if you continue it might become a habit.)**

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said.**(Please don't. Please. I''m begging! I'm on my knees! PLEASE!)**

"Wel… … … ..**(F*ck off suspence! We're trying to figure out if they heard me begging!)**I said Im in a bnad myself."**(PLEASE! I'll do anything!)**

"Rilly?" asked Snap.**(Crackle, Pop... GOLD FISH!) **I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111**(Dude. I don't care! Get on with it!)**

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?"**(NO! No no no. Don't, please!)**

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz.**(Dammit. The gods are cruel today...)** They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11**(Whatever kiddo.)**)Gurn Day**.(Are you serious! This is pissing me off so much! GET IT RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISSERABLE LIFE! ... Please, just go on without me... keep reading and at some point I'll come back... I'll leave a few blank spaces for you guys to pretend that I wrote something... Enjoy.)**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." **()**I sang sexily**(****)**( dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song)**() **.. Every1 gasped.

"Enopby?**(That's a new one! I like it better than all the other mistakes in that things name!)** Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap**.(And I begged you not too. Why? Because she sucks!)**

"Um… ….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?" **(No. Because they just said that they ahad a gig that night and they decided that they weren't gonna show up. Yep.)**

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit**.(Why do you NEED a new outfit? Can't you just take different things from different outfits and call it new? ... This is why I suck at fashion.)** I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time.**(Don't know. Don't care. Yu can just stay there. ... Hey, that rhymed!) **Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1**(Isn't he the dude that has the car that goes in time or something?)** He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans**.(*facepalm*)**

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.**(He's there because it's convenient.)**

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby."**(Forward in Tim. So she wants to get digested faster?) **he said siriusly Den… … …**(Suspence. FEEL THE PAIN!).**he took out a blak tim machine.**(What does it do? Does it transport her into Tim's stomach?)** I went in2 it and… … … … … … … … ..**(Ouch. The suspence. It hurts.)**sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111**(And you are getting digested! WOOHOO!)**

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><p>(Guess who! And no, I do not own Mister Black! You can blame it on James018 for this! And if I get sued... I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it's not gonna be pretty! ... Mister Black is in the ownership of Rorschach's Blot. Enjoy!)<p>

Mister Black had been having a great vacation! No one was trying to kill him, there hadn't been any weird deaths related to him and he was getting the great experience of mountian climbing! He looked out into the open air and took a deep breath!

To say that he was surprised that someone just suddenly decided to materialize infront of him would be an understatement. All he could do was watch as she started to roll down the mountain, off a cliff and into the abiss.

What did he have to do to have a peaceful vacation!? He was sure to get the blame for this one... Ah well, no point in stalling.

Once he arrived at the base of the mountain he noticed that the aurores were all there looking at the body as if they'd never seen anything like it. As he approached he coudn't hep but here one of them say to another: "I'm not touching it! You do it!"

As soon as he was close enough one of the aurores noticed him and gave him a hug! "Thank you sooooo much for this!"

Completely puzzled, Mister Black decided not to mention anything and decided to just go on with the vacation.


	36. God's conference

So close and yet so far... Coming close to the end of the year and I'm still not done!

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><p><strong>I said stop flaming ok! I bet you are all probably old seventy year olds! ps PORTERSUZ YOU'RE A PREP! Oh ya and thanks too raven for the help! Have fun in England girl!<strong>

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111**(As soon as you stop writing.)** I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!**(With fair skin, a great body, perfect... Yeah.****)** 111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1**(Is she talking about someone? Does someone really have that awesome name! ... Of course it's not as awesome as mine... Don't. Say. A. Thing.) **o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111**(Since someone told me something, I won't be naming any names but it's someone who seems to love reviewing, I hope that Raven and everyone else she thanks for helping drowns.)**

I loked around in a depresed **(Happy.)**way. Suddenly I **(Jumped up and down for no reason and then trough myself from the top floor. No one missed me!)**saw Profesor Sinister. B"lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.**(Congratulations.)**

"OMFG Sorius I **(DIED!)**saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!**(He hasn't even stoped being gothic. You're just confusing "goffic" for gothic.****)**111111"

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly**.(Why are you sad? If you lost a friendship, you lost it! No point in worrying abour the past.)**

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo **(I suddenly really want an emu. I just had the thought and thought you guys would like to know... Obviously, I was wrong.)**voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.**(Stop drinking that shit! It's better if you just become addicted to alcohol or crystal meth. At least with that you have an excuse in acting like a dumbass.)**

Hi fuker." I said**.(Hi bitch!)** "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet**(Wha zat? A "cornet"? Is it part of a net for fishing? Or for volleyball? Soccer?)** and a movie so I need a sexah**(Well, I'm glad to say that you will never be sexy in your life. I have spoken! My word is law.) **new outfit for da date.**(Why do you need a new outfit? Can't you just grab some random thing from the closet like you've been doing all along?)** Also I"m playng in a gothic band**(No you ain't. It's impossible. You won't be playing anything. All you're doing is singning and breaking every window in the word at the same time.)** so I need an ootfit for that too."**(Why waste the money? Wait... You want two outfits! Bullshit! You don't need it.)**

"Oh my **(Lord? God? Jesus? Moron? Devil? Cunt? Bitch? Sanity? Finger? Toe? Head? Love? Hate? Am I CLOSE!?)**satan!1"**(I must have missed it...)** (geddit lolz koz shes gofik**(No, she's just being a little stupid.)**) gasped B"lody Mary**(For the people who forgot: This is Hermione's stupid name...).** "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"**(No. I don't want this. I knew I was getting into something really bad but I never thought commenting on this thing would drain me! ... It's just like a vampire! It's the vampire of literature! Quick! Run!)**

"OMFS, letz have a **(Party? Orgasm? Dog? Am I close?)**groop kutting session!11"**(Does she want a cutting session? Or a knitting session? Maybe they're cutting while knitting?)** said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can"t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow**.(I can't believe it! A willow tree is talking! WOW!)**

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also...sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly.**(Why the hell do they need love potions. All she has to do is walk by the kid and it seems to work. Maybe she bathes in it? Food for thoughts.)**

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said **(Isn't that convenient).**so let"s go.

We went sexily**(Why can't Maudite/Moron just say "We walked". END OF STORY!)** to Potionz class. But Snap wasn"t there.**(I'm gonna regret this but... Why wasn't he there?****) **Instead there was...Cornelio Fuck!11111**(*Giggling like a little school girl* Well, she sure f*cked that one over, didn't she?)**

"Hey where the fuck is **(Cornelio? McGoogle? Snap?)**Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.**(Shouldn't he be asking for Snape?)**

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia **(Transgender teacher. She/He changes his/her name at every moment that he/she can.)**Fuck. "He is in **(Detention? Inception? Reception? Deception? ... I just felt like rhyming something... You may continue.)**Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is **(A pervert? A ninja? A veterinarian? A Clock? ... Did I get it?)**old and week he has **(A crabbe? A dog? A cat? A llama? A cow? A goat? I'm guessing here! C'mon! Give me the answer!)**kancer.**(Damn.)** "Now do ur **(Selves!)**work!111"

My **(B*tches!)**friendz and I talked arngrily.**(I don't believe it!****)**

"Can you BELEVE **(No I don't!)**Snap used to be **(A cook! A workaholic! A policeman!)**gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO **(Back to being a guy.)**FUK **(She missed the "c" in his name... AND WHAT IS WITH MAUDITE/MORON USING ALL CAPS!?)**SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR **(There are professors in the school? I thought they were all big kids!)**BRIDGE!111"

He **(She! It!)**stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began **(To fuck!)**talking **(What? Are you serious! I pick the one thing that they usually do and now they don't do it! So unfair!)** again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer.**(In class!? Are you crazy!) **Suddenly I saw **(Something out of nothing and I learned something from that something.)**Hargrid in da cupboard**.(How the heck did he fit in a CUPBOARD!? ... They propbably used shrink wrap, where you listen to rap and your brain shrinks! ... Sorry if you actually like rap. I don't mind it but I could live without it... Shut up, it's my opinion!)**

"WTF is he doing?" I asked**(Good question.)**. Then I looked at Draco.**(What are you looking at Draco for!? Unless you want him to LIFT Hagrid out of the cupboard and into a teacup... Have fun!)** He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier **(Why? Why do you do this to me? Do you hate me or is it just because you want my brain to die! Maudite/Moron was doing fine in this paragraph until this single sentence showed up!)**den eva. Suddenly..."HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted**(HE SHOT HAGRID! HOW COULD HE!)**.

I looked around**(And folowed the trail of blood all the way toooooo)**...Hairgrid wuz **(Dying.)**putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.**(How do you beat someone up in a sexy way? Maybe people should do a study in this... Can someone beat someone else sexily? And they get a whole bunch of people beating each other up... Wait... I think they've already done this in a movie... Now, I haven't watched "Fight Club" yet but for everyone who has... What do you think? Can you beat someone up in a sexy way? Answer in a review.)**

"God u r such a posr!1" **(And you're such a b*tch! So there.)** I shooted at Hairgrid.**(It's a grid with hair! Bevery careful 'cuz you never know when it might decide to attack.) **Suddenly I **(DIED!)**looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was...**(Crap all.)**Amnesia Portion!111**(Ooooh. Be careful with that.)**

* * *

><p>(It's my turn! About time!)<p>

I started to think a little and thought "Hey! It's not like it'll kill me and it's a really bad thing to waste blood!" And I drank it!

Hagrid started giggling for no apparent reason and I couldn't stop myself from asking what he was laughing about. He told me that it wasn't Amnesia Potion. When I asked what it was he wouldn't tell me. And that's when I started to cough up blood.

Just as I was coughing up the last of my blood professor Snape came in and stabbed me.

"And that's how I died." I looked up at Saint Peter, wondering why he hasn't let me in yet. He was looking at me in a peculiar way, his right eye was twitching and he had some weird type of smile on his face.

"God and Jesus had a conference with death, fate and Satan. Apparently no one wants you and Mother Earth has had enough with you so God just decided that he would erase the memory of you ever existing. And if you don't understand that, it means that you are dead. Permanently."

And at those final words... Ebony/Enoby/Eboby/Whatever she's called... just faded into inexistence.

(Wouldn't that be nice.)


	37. Satan is Santa! Who knew!

I've noticed that I can't comment whole chapters like I used to. Now I have to do it little piece by little piece because it pisses me off so much. And that is why you guys have been waiting like a month or more per chapter. I'm sorry but this thing is just getting to me.

Anyways! Not your problem!

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>OK EVERYBODY I'M GOING ON VACATION ON THE FIRST OF JULY SO i'M EITHER GONNA END THE FIC OR UPDATE IT IN A WEEK (At least I think that's what she meant) thanks! oh yeah and preps stop flaming the story! Raven thanks for the help see you girl after vacation!<strong>

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION **(Are you gonna stay there?)**ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK **(PLEASE!)**OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. **(Damn. Me who was hoping for a miracle.)**fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11**(Even today we haven't stoped.) **raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL**(Would this be what we call the chapter's title or is she finally telling us the point of view?)**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.**(I forgot what happened. And why are they chaining a grid full of hair to the floor? Why did the economy drop? Why am I failing my classes? Why does no one care about anything anymore? ... These are the questions that have been plaiguing me for a very long time. Just kidding, I don't care about the economy. Much.)**

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot.**(Wha? ... Maybe I'm missing something. I recall an 'Amnesia Potion' but that wouldn't make her 'hot and bothered' it would make her forgetful... I forgot we were reading this thing, continue.) **"Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1"**(Cheshfneisofnghr! You have got to be kidding me! How does that even work! We'll just take all your memories away and tell you that this is the girl you love and you're gonna like it! *Throws hands in the air* I give up!)**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,"**(I - I ... There are no words for this.)** said Vampire. "Why would u need it?" **(Can't wait for her answer.)**

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby.**(Kill her. Just kill her. KILL HER NOW!)**

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.**(You asked yourself if you had to do it with him and you're jealous? What kind of a story is this when people can just talk to themselves!)**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep.**(I don't even know why this chick is there. There is no point in "Britney's" appearance.)**

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.**(You are so nice. I think this one should have the 'nice award'!)**

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

Draco, Ebory and I **(Wha? Who's point of view are we in? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!)**went to Profesor Siniater's room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there.**(You don't say!)** Instead Tom Rid was.**(Tom Rid. As in Riddle? As in Tom Riddle? As in the guy who changed his name to Voldemort? As in the guy who Ebony/Evony/Whatev wants to kill? As in the guy who wants her to kill Harry/Vampire instead of being a man and doing it himself? ... Or is it someone else?)**

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez**.(It's someone else. Damn.)**

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt **(Don't care what it is. It's horrible either way.)**that said ▒666'**(How the f*ck did she do that box thing? She can't spell and she can figure out how to do a shaded box on fanfiction. IT'S SO UNFAIR!)** on da bak,**(So it says 'box 666' on your ass? Wonderful. I have the picture in my head and I can't get it out!) **black stilton bootz,**(Don't care.) **blood red fishnetz**(Don't care.)** and a blak corset.**(Don't care.)**

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. **(I wonder what hugging in a gothic way would look like... For some reason I'm picturing lots of blood... Maybe that's just my imagination going wild.)**Itook da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" **(Play a game? Talk really loud? Kill someone? I don't know! Why are you asking me!)**asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall. **(I think this is important.)**

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed **(And probably killed someone's ear drums.)**as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now.**(What is with everyone going to prison! Why don't we just ship off the whole castle and call it 'Azkaban 2' that way Maudite can stop sending them all to prison and continue... I just realizeed what I was going to say. It is an evil thought.) **Classes shal be taught by Dubledork**(Another apprentice! How many does he have! It's so unfair.****) **who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge**.(Someone is standing on a bridge and drinking rhum. If they're reading this 'story' they'll probably jump soon.)**

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came.**(That's not something that I even want to contemplate.)**

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" **(I thought they were in a class room... There's a black board so it has to be a class room.)** he began to shoot angrily.**(Why would he shoot anything? Why is he angry? Why do I sound like I care? These are the questions that must be answered!)** Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111**(Wha? Is this were I say that he's not supposed to be there? Right. WRONG FANDOM!) **I jumped seductively**(Not possible. When someone jumps they look stupid. It's just a fact of the world.) **in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire.**(You're not a very nice girlfriend leaving them in the dust like that.) **SudenlyI wuz back in tim!11**(Tim must be having some pain. His intestines are being blocked.)** I looked around. It was...Profesor Slutborn's **(He was born a slut. )**efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk.**(He drinks it regularly because he can't stand remembering your face.) **It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it.**(So... The potion was black... With pentagrams in it? That has got to be uncomfortable when you swallow.) **It was the shape of a cross. **(The bottle? or the potion? ... I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. YOU SEE WHAT THIS THING DOES TO ME!)** I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz...Profesor Slutgorn!11**(Not 'Slutborn' it's the other potions professor.)**

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.**(So... they're angry.)**

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.**(WHAT!? What is going on!? This makes no sense!)**

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn.**(We're back to the other professor.)**

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes.**(This is to confusing for me... I need a break.)** Silas,**()** Samaro**()** and Snap **()**were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.**(So... Vampire/Harry actually wrote the song and sold it to them? Or did they just steal it? Or am I just to confused to actually understand what's going on?)**

"Oh hi you guys."**(Hi... What do you want?) **I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?"**(Down under. No, not Australia.)**

"Oh he's cumming."**(O.O) **said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Hades now."**(Great. Another name that I have to take into account. I don't even know who said that! Is that 'Sirius' in Canon?) **Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson,**(He took one of the members from 'Jackson 5'. Wonder which one...)** blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.**(Don't care.)**

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan.**(Kill her! Bring her to hell! Do something!)**

* * *

><p>(Guess who's turn it is!)<p>

I don't really know how it happened but somehow we arrived at Santa's Workshop! There were little people in green outfits walking everywhere and making gifts! It was amazing!

I turned to Satan to tell him something but he wasn't there anymore... I guess the joy in the air was too much for him to take.

I looked around a bit more and I saw an office on the side. On the top of the door it said 'Santa's office'. I didn't think he'd mind if I had a look.

I entered the office and before I could even look around I heard someone say something that made me very frightened. "You're on the naughty list." At that moment something slamed into my head and knocked me out.

I woke up in a white cell attached to a chair. After a few moments of waiting a really big guy came in wearing a white shirt and black pants and was smoking a cigar. He looked at me for a moment and brought in a chair. He sat down in front of me.

He told me that his name was Kris Klaus but people know him as 'Santa'. Apparently he's been watching me for a very long time and that I've been taking all the joy away from whatever place I ever lived. He also told me that I've been taking the joy of Christmas away and that he had to do something before things got to desperate.

When I asked what he meant he asked me where I thought Satan was. I couldn't answer.

"I moved the 'n' in 'Santa' and went to search for you. When I was able to get close to you I brought you here. Where you can't make anymore damage to any Holiday. You will be staying here until you die."

And that's what happened. Now all I do is think and think and think...


	38. The news and 'SCP-087-B'

And... We're back! Well, I'm back. Not sure about you guys but... Anyway. This is the chapter before the chapter! You'll understand once I post the other chapter if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Now I'm sad... I was working on this and lost internet connection... I wrote so much... All gone... Damn! Now I have to re-write everything! That'll teach me to not save.

On a side note: I do not own the idea of 'SCP-087-B' or any other ideas for the SCP's.

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><p><strong>What does everyone think if I end the story and then I add some more to it after vacation? Oh yeah and preps stop flaming if you don't like the story then take my quiz ok then you will see if you're gothic or not!<strong>

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation?**(Can't you just end it now and then never add anything to it? We would all be so very thankful.) **oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111**(There's a quiz for that!? That Maudite made? I'm surprised that I actually want to do it!) **

Satan and I walked 2 his car.**(He has a car!? Can I drive!? I always wanted to drive a car made by Satan.)** It wuz a **(Maserati? Pontiac? ... Oh! I know! It's a smart car!)**blak car wif pentagrams all over it.**(That's not very creative! At least my smart car idea was interesting. Can you really imagine Satan, not this one but the real one, in a smart car!)** On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car.**(I think that's illegal. Not really sure...) **I went in it seduktivly**(Is it even possible to enter a car seductively? What the hell are you doing to enter a car seductively? I know it's easy to look like a slut when you exit a car (blame Britney Spears for that one) but how in the world do you enter a car seductively... Now I'm gonna google the word 'seductively' and watch myself fail at spelling... Weird, I thought I had it wrong...).** Stan started 2 drive it.**(Drive what? The car? ... Did you just... CALL HIM STAN! WTF is wrong with you! SATAN is not STAN! ... I have no idea why I flew off the handle for that.) **We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan**(No shit Sherlock.)**), kuttting,**(Knitting while cutting! Like I said last time.) **musik and being goffik.

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot**(Didn't we already have this conversation? Or was that with Draco? Why do I care?)**!11" Volxemort**(That other dark lord...)** agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)**(I'm not gonna comment on this because I don't want to and it's st*&id. You can't make me.) **

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena."**(-.-" I don't want to live on this planet anymore.) **I said in a flirty voice.**(That's not something that you should say in a flirty voice.)** "...Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" **(Seeing as he was originally 'Voldemort' he should but maybe he hasn't invented it yet... Logic!)**

"Well..." he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod."**(You think! You think!? If you invented it shouldn't you know the cure to it!)**

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater.**(So... the apprentice decided to join the party...)** Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol.**(Haha. A cereal killer! Can you imagine! I shall kill all the lucky charms! BY EATING THEM! Anyway, I've never seen 'The Exorcist' but I do know that there are no serial killers nor is there any sex. At least I think...)** Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists.**(Congratulation.) **

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea.**(Uh oh. Quick! Run!)** I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar **(A. Cigar... What is going on?****)**sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it**(-.-" ... Kill me. Now.). **I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag.**(Wha? He brought a bag? And hasn't put it over you're head yet! Wow. He's got a lot of patience and restraint.) **Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it.**(Smoke what. The bag? The cigar? The car? His own thumb? What! What is he smoking!?)** Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.**(*Slaming my head against desk* Why won't this kill me! *Slams head even more against desk*) **

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up.**(I think I have a concussion now... Maybe this will make more sense now that I have a concussion!)** I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?"** (I don't know... You turned into a duck! God will smite you! You've turned into a holy man!)**

I new that the amnesia had worked. **(I still can't believe that she wanted him to forget everything... I mean it! Google even says that amnesia means: _A partial or total loss of memory_. So, why does she want him to forget? Unless he's already had sex with her then please make him forget!****)**

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work."**(WHAT!? What the hell... How does that even make any sense? 'It wasn't invented yet so it won't work' ... WHAT! Even if you go back in time it should work! You could even pretend to be the person who invented it. URGH!) **Hesaid. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u." **(What!? How!? WHO!? ... *Brain has shut down due to too much b&llsh"t*)**

"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly.**(*Searches around for something to bludgeon myself to death with* While I'm searching I might as well say it: HOW THE F*&K DO YOU RAISE YOUR EYE!? ... I feel a little better now.) **And den... he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out.**(-.-" And here comes the stupid sex scene.) **I tok of his shit.**(She took his shit. How... interesting.) **He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11**(I'm really starting to hate Gerard Way just because he's mentioned so many times in this f*?"ing story.) **We frenched.**(Yay. More b*lls"it.)**

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. **(Where are they? Still at the theatre? Well, now I know what a prep means in Maudite's language. It's someone that actually makes some type of sense.)**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly... I attaked her suking all her blood. **(How vampiric of you. I'm impressed. NOT!)**

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.**(… You have got to be kidding. They crapped in they're pants beause she's drinking blood from an old woman and she thinks it's because they look cute together... I'm gonna go find my gun... For reasons of insanity...) **Satan and I started to walk outside.**(They didn't even finish the movie. Probably got kicked out for killing that poor old lady.)**

"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice. **(I thought she said his name was 'Satan' when he was younger... Even if we know that it was really 'Tom'.)**

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" he gasped. **(No. She's actually a barbie that came to life and latched on to life in the way of blood. If she doesn't feed every few hours she might just turn back into plastic. She needs sexual intercourse every night which is why she has a big harem as they don't all have the strenght to do it every night. If she does not have this she becomes weak and saggy. She never actually dies as she just turns back into the barbie that she had been and waits for those few drops of blood that she needs to become the ruler of the world! ... I just scared myself!)**

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer.**(She said it! She agreed that she was the barbie! QUICK! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!) **Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.**(I would love to know how she does that 'cuz when I smell something I look more confused than happy.) **

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"** (No. You killed someone. Live with the consequences.)**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively**.(HOW DO YOU DO THAT!? How does someone kiss passively! I don't care who you are, there is just no way that you can kiss passively... Unless you're a hooker. No offence if you are and you're reading this.) **Satan parked in a blak **(WAIT! He was still driving and you kissed him! Did you want to crash the car!)**driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.**(Haha. So funny... What are we laughing about? Why am I bored? What is going on? Why do I care? ... I'll stop asking questions now.) **

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin**(It's the fish from 'Finding Nemo'!)** on da stage. We did the devil fingers.**(?! Is... Is she talking about the peace sign?!) **I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his **(Smile?)**gothic **(At least she got the word right...)**red **(blood? Cadillac? Hair? Come on, I'm trying)**eyes and he looked exactly like **(George? That dude that she won't stop talking about?)**Mikey Way.**(Me who thought I had it right.)** I almost got an **(Arrow to the knee? ... Sorry, couldn't help myself.)**orgaism!1 Suddenly **(You died? Just like that? No symptoms, no nothing? Just 'BOOM!' You're dead! Please!)**Marylin Mason stopped **(Dancing? Galloping? Jumping? Come on! Give me something!)**singing.

"I wood like to peasant**(? He would like a poor person? From the Medival Times?)**...XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there** (Kill me.)**. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. **(You're already on stage! )**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. **(That made no sense. I read it and it does not make sense to me.)**(I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song)**(WHAT SONG IS IT FROM!? If she'd at least be able to transfer the words from )** My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy.**(Wha Hu Ga! *Creative side of Hazel-jade has finally broken. Please stay for the news.*) **Everyone clappd.**(Today we are going to see a lot of sauce raining down with some hazelnuts.)** Satan got an eructation**(In other news the country of Jade has finally agreed to continue peaceful relations with the country of Hazel.).** "I'M NUT OKAY!1"**(BREAKING NEWS: Studies have been made to prove that eating chocolat is good for the elderly. They were wrong.) **I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak. **(And finally, a young man has tried to become a cucumber and buried himself with only his head out of the ground. We have yet to see any results.)**

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?" **(I'm back! I'm fine! Thanks for the cards!)**

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily. **(Why are they arguing? I really wasn't paying attention...)**

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1" **(YEAH! Whatever their talking about!)**

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. **(How dare you blame him!)**

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed** (… She shot the band... They were just arguing and she shot them... I hope she's going to recycle them. I have no idea why I said that.)**angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. **(What is going on!?)**

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.**(Shoot the arms off. Shoot the arms off! Shoot the arms off? ... No matter how I say it, it sounds stupid.) **

And den...I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 **(-.-" There are no words.)**

"No!111" yielded everyone**(Everyone gave her the right of way while saying 'no'. Interesting.) **but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak. **(Good. That is all.)**

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><p>(Almost done with this b*llsh*t! Finally!)(Blame me watching SCP-087-B by Markiplier for this one. You can find it on YouTube!)<p>

I woke up in a white room wearing an orange uniform that only prisoners would wear. Once I was up the door opened and a soldier in all white told me to follow him. Once I was out the door I saw that there were more soldiers outside the room. I knew that I was going to my excecution! So I attacked them!

They plonged a needle into one of my arms when they were able to and I passed out.

I woke up again in another room that only had a stairwell. I noticed that I had some headphones on. Suddenly someone spoke to me through the headphones.

"You are now inside the SCP-087-B. Please proceed with caution."

There was nothing else I could do. I started down the steps wondering what exactly 'SCP-087-B' meant.

Around the 6th floor a person talked into the headset but it was really hard to understand what they were saying all I understood was "Radio communication" Whatever that means. It was once that I reached floor 8 that I realized that this was not a normal stair case. I swear I saw something at the corner of my eye! Once I reached floor 17 I saw a guy dressed all in black but he had a _very_ white face. I stumbled backwards and when I looked back up he was gone.

I keep hearing the word 'No.' every once in a while but I try to ignore it. As I reached the 30th floor I could hear something sounding like "Don't look at me." Now I'm stuck here wondering if I should just continue on and ignore that sound as well. I shrugged and continued on. It's not like something can actually kill a vampire!

The face! The -


	39. Wondeful Hacked Chapter is GOLD!

**Ok. The person who did this is either a God or a Goddess. Nothing this good could come out of a mortal... In case you guys are wondering what I'm talking about: This is the chapter that got hacked! It's so unbelievable that if you see my commentary in it, it's probably because I'm gonna be praising the author!**

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><p>Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.<p>

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh. **(You deserve a medal, my lord or lady! Because this person might have only said that she/he's a girl for fun. Remember, this is a hacker and flamer all in one!)**

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.)**(We don't blame you.)** Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies. **(*Get's on knees and starts bowing*)**

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. **(Better than marrying him to the Sue.)**

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her... **(I love this part!)**

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember **(Don't ask me my lord or lady, I also don't know.)**) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here. **(THANK YOU!)**

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod." **(I want to know what happened next!)**

/End Crap Fic.

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter,**(Don't really want to...)** I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

**Ok this is the real thing that tara/Maudite/Crazy/Stupid/ebony/enony/enoby/egoggy/whateverthef*ckhernameis wrote!**

AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz**(WOOHOO! THERE IS A GOD!)**. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!**(WHO GAVE THIS B*TCH A GOOD REVIEW!?)**1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin**.(Looks like the Norse gods are helping out with killing her.)**Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up.**()** Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.**(The cat was just licking the floor. That's what cleaning is!)**

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came.**(A little too much information for me. ;) ) **He loked less mean then usual. **(What? So this isn't 'Satan'? Although we actually do know that it is... I think I'm confused. It's a weird feeling thinking that you're confused but not realing knowing for what.)**

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.**(What the hell is going on? Did she come back from the past or something? Or did Voldemort's Apprentice go into the past? Or was Voldemort's Apprentice always in the past? Or did I just confuse myself again? ... F*ck it!)**

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily.**(Why don't you just kill him yourself? Why are you making this b*tch doing it for you? Why... I FIGURED OUT WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT! It's just a story to make you question your sanity. *nodding wisely* Thank god I don't have much left anymore!) **Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.**(The only word that is spelled correctly that isn't the word 'he' and she picks '_selective_'. Mind = Blown. Like... SERIOUSLY!?)**

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.**(Wha?... I think this b*tch just wants to get rid of the sanity that I have left! NOOOOOOO! YOU WON'T GET IT! STAY BACK! BACK I SAY!)**

Sudenly... Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.**(What is going on!?)**

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111"**(She never dies. Why are you even surprised?) **Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.**(Where's Draco? *Draco suddenly walks in.* _What do you mean 'where's Draco'? Do you want me tortured? _That's not what I meant. Where did you go? Haven't talked to you in a while. _I do have better things to do than this. _Really? What? ..._ Nothing that you need to know._ *And he walks away.* I wonder what his problem is...)**

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.**(Sometimes I wonder if I'm dead. Just reading this thing is making me wonder.)**

"Enoby u were almost shot!11"**(Really. How unfortunate. She was _almost_ shot. Maybe next time they won't miss. We can only hope.)** said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."**(The ballet couldn't kill her because it came from another time. My mind has been blown again. How do they know about the other time thing? Did she tell them? And how can ballet kill someone? Sure it can annoy someone but I'm pretty sure that it can't kill someone... I hope.)**

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!**(What's with the two arms thing? Doesn't everybody have to arms? Well, unless you have a deformity... But let's not talk about that! Let's talk about some fun stuff like rainbows and butterflies and fun!)**

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.**(What is going on? This thing is like a soap opera where you have no idea what's going on.)**

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.**(What? Snap was possessed by himself? How does that work... Wow! Look! I'm possessing myself!... Doesn't work, no ones gonna fall for that unless you're the b*t%h that wrote this.)**

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."**(So... He dealed in death. I so wanna be a death dealer now! That shall be my new carreer choice!)**

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11"**(Snap was a poser? You don't say... Tell me more...) **said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him."**(That's a crime. And it's a crying shame.) **Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents.**(They gave her tarts?) **I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it)**(Isn't that like a kids movie? That isn't scarry or 'gothic'? I should probably google it but I'm too lazy right now.) **on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?"**(Why haven't you noticed before dumba$$! Jeez, when I notice before you do then that is sad.)** I asked gothikally.**(Can't you just have normal f*cking emotions!?)**

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax."**(I'm in the library right now trying not to laugh... I've probably got the biggest grin right now...) **said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"

I got up suicidally.**(O.O ... SIT BACK DOWN! DON'T MOVE! I WANT TO KILL HER MYSELF AND I WON'T GET THE CHANCE! SIT DOWN! She's not listening.) **Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing**(And I don't give a f*ck!) **a blak leather nightgun.**(Let us start with the copy and paste again! 'I DON'T CARE!' C'mon! say it with me!) **Underthat I had on a sexxy blak leather bra**('I DON'T CARE!')** trimed wif blak lace**('I DON'T CARE!'), **with a matching thong**('I DON'T CARE!' ... Wait! A leather thong! God! That has got to be uncomfortable... Not that I have ever wore a thong but... it's LEATHER!)** that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u)**(Thank the gods that I don't understand and I don't want to know!).** I put on a blak fishnet**('I DON'T CARE!') **top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace**(And, one last time! 'I DON'T CARE!')** and congress shoes.**(Congress shoes? Congress shoes! Congress shoes. ... No matter how I say it, it still makes absolutely no sense.)** I left the hospital's wings**(Apparently Hospitals have wings... Or maybe wings have hospitals?)** wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.**(I thought they were gonna go find Draco...)**

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.**(For you guys I think it would be beneficial if I google something. Here it is: _Hose: _****_A hose is a hollow tube designed to carry fluids from one location to another._ Now, apparently, the movie is about a hose who carries wax all the way to, say, China... It's such a _thrilling_ movie.)**

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine**.(Wait... How dare she. I can handle a change of names because that means that she isn't using the same people but this... This is too much!) **We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den...I gasped... Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111**(You have got to be kidding me. Snap, who apparently can possess himself, is having sex with Draco... So, which part of Snap is he?)** He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.**(WHO CARES! The point here is that they're having sex and she tells us what one of them is WEARING! If I actually cared about this... thing, I'd be wondering what's going on. Right now, I'm just pissed that were talking about clothes.)**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.**(Hi! Little question: Why does that make them preps? ... Ok. Thanks for ignoring me! Bye!)**

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.**(Have you lost your mind!? ... Forget I even said anything. I just remembered that they haven't been using wands for the WHOLE thing.)**

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.**(WHAT!? I thought he was having sex with Snap/Snape! Now we're switching to beastliality! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!)**

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1**(Stop it! Bad girl! NO!)**). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out**.(I-I-I ... Wow. I think I found my favorite phrase in the whole thing. I'm trying not to laugh and at the same time, I'm crying. This- This is just too much!)**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.**(I thought she couldn't die... I guess my wish has been granted to me! YEEEESSSSSS!)**

Sincerely,**(This is not Maudite/Stupid/Whatev, this is the God or Goddess!)**

An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P

A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.**(Or just, GOD!****)**

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><p>Hello my darling Tourists!<p>

It's been a while since we've talked! How are you guys doing? Anyway, I will not be giving this chapter a death scene because we already have it! Just look up!

We have only 5 more chapters to go and we finally are done with this b*llsh&t! WOOHOO!

So, if you guys have any ideas as to how to kill Enoby/Ebony/Eboby I shall need them! Please either review it to me or PM me.

Thank you in advance,

Hazel-jade


	40. What happens if

Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait but I was so frustrated with this that I couldn't get into it. I did it little by little every few days, taking long breaks in between. It just pissed me off so easily for some reason. Anyway, you guys don't care about that so I wish you a good reading!

Have fun!

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><p>Chapter 40. LOL! Someone has taken my account over!<strong>(I think we noticed... And just to inform random people, if it had happened to me, I would have deleted the chapter and restarted or something...)<strong>

THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!**(Thank you! Now to read the... thing. *shudders*)**

**Shut the f*ck up preps get a life! You suck! Oh and from now on I'll be in vacation in Englond until august so I won't be able to update for a while, laugh out loud. Thanks to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed. F*ck you! (B*llsh%t that she says all the time.)**

AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111**(I'm actually surprised that I was able to understand all that!)**

**(I just remembered that she died last chapter! I wonder how she's going to be 'revived' this time...)**I woke up in da **(Class? Coffin? Bottle? Boot? Shoe? Sneaker? Wall? Come on! Give me a clue!)**Norse's offace on a special **(Worm? ... Why did I even think of that...)**gothik coffin. **(Of course! Duh, why didn't I think of that!)**Hairgrid **(The hair is on the grid again! Quick! RUN!)**wuz in da bed opposite me in a **(A gird made out of hair was in a bed... EWW!)**comma coz Vampir and **(Princess Blah.)**Draco had bet him up**(They bet that he couldn't hold his breath longer than them. He's in the bed right now, still holding his breath. That's why Enody/Edody/Eboby thinks he's in a coma.)**. Mr. Noris**(The cats back!) **was cleaning the room**(With his tongue. 'Cuz that's the only way you can clean a room! *nods wisely*).**

"Oh mi **(Crock pot? ... Why did I just say that...)**satan wut happened!" I **(Died!)**screamed. Suddenly **(Someone was doing something with that thing.)**Volxemort came**(More information than I ever wanted.). **He loked less **(Pretty? Lovely? Gai? ... Can you tell that I have a song stuck in my head?)**mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11"**(Don't have to be so mean to him you b*t$h. Honestly, all he wants is to take over the world. It's not that big of a deal.)** I yielded. **(She let him pass. Well done. You definitely passed your driving test now get back to what ever it was you were doing.)**

"Thou hath nut **(PEANUT!)**killd **(Why would anyone want to kill a peanut?****)**Vampire yet!11" he **(Stated? Screamed? Sobbed? ... Anything better than just stating something?)**said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry**(You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. Are you serious? Like... I give up.)** tearz of **(Pearls? B*llsh&t? Stupidity? Anything BUT blood. PLEASE!)**blood**(F*CK!)** al **(What is he doing here? AL! GET OUT OF THERE!)**selective.**(Yes. Because everyone can select their tears. Look, I'm doing it right now. That tear, no. What about this one... Yep! That one I can show! It's got the perfect form! See, all you need is practice!)**

"Volxemort? **(Remember guys! This one is not Voldemort because that guy decided that he couldn't show his nose in this 'story'. ;) )**OMFG what's **(Up!)**wrong!111" I asked.

Sudenly…**.**…**.**…**..** Lucian**.**, Profesor Sinister**.** and Serious**.**came! B'lody Mary**.** and Vampire**(Why can't you just say: All these people arrived at the same time. So much easier.) **were wif dem**(This is really bugging me and it's getting to me RIGHT NOW: LEARN TO SPELL! We've already established that it's pissing me off.).** Every1**.** was holding blak boxez. **(Who cares!)**VOLXEMORT **(WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING!?)**DISAPAERD.

"OMFG **(What? What's wrong? Do I have something on my face?)**Enoby ur **(A b*tch? Going to die? Yeah, we already knew that.)**alive!111" Scremed Vampire**(How is he so surprised?).** I hugged him and B'lody Mary.

"What the fuk happened?"**(Good question. I have no idea.)** I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now**(Wha? How did she get that from what he said. Obviously she's alive! She's the main character, no matter how much we'd all love to see her die!)**?" I gosped.**(I don't feel like googling it so I'm gonna ask a st*pid question: Does this word seem related to the word "gospel" to you? I have no idea why I thought that...)**

"Enoby u were almost **(Either you were or you weren't. That's how it should be.)**shot!11" said Serious**(Why so serious? Is this Joker? ... I think that this story would be so much better with Joker in it.).** "But da ballet could not kill u **(What are we talking about? Ballet? Seriously?)** since u were form anodder time."**(You have got to be kidding me. It would have killed her anyway. We all know that.)**

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding**(A baby! And suddenly it all came to her! They had a child! DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!) **oot his arm. I gasped**(It's only an arm. Not something to get all excited about. Geez.)**. He had two arms!**(Really. And he hasn't had two arms for a while? When did he lose them? When did he get the arm back? Did they have to revive it?)**

"OMG I cant beleve **(You have a child?)**Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.**(Remind me again who Vampire is? Is that Harry? If it is: HOW DID HIS FATHER SHOOT SOMEONE! I don't care if you went back in time that far off, Harry's dad is not muggle raised. He wouldn't know how to use a gun. Anyway...)**

"Well 2 be honest **(This "story" is crap. That is honesty.)**Snap wuz pozzesd by **(A cackling psychopath? A murdering child? A female version of a chair? ... What?)**Snap bak den." **(Snap was possessed by Snap. It sounds like something someone would say to a teacher for April fools. Next April fools someone try this: Convince someone that you are being possessed by yourself from another dimension.)**said James.

"Yah he wuz a spy." **(Snape? Or Harry's dad? ... Is anyone else confused? So, if it was Snape that was the spy all I'm gonna say is: Duh! If it's Harry's dad I'm gonna say: ARE YOU CRAZY!)**Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."**(I wanna be a Death Dealer! It sounds so interesting!)**

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11"**(Really. Is this really your answer to everything?)** said Lucian."He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." **(So what! I didn't know a lot of things before someone told me. Does that make me a bad person? Apparently it does.)**Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents.**(Ignoring the obvious spelling mistake, why would they even want to give you a present? What did you do to deserve that kind of attention?) **I was opening a blak box wif red 666s **(Who cares.)**(there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it)**(Congrats.)** on it when I gasped.**(What now!)** Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.**(... The English language is dead. I've finally decided.)**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally**.(I just want to give up! Is she serious!)**

"No Draco told me he wood be watching **(A real Disney Movie!)**Hoes of **(Dirt.)**Wax." said **(Someone.)**Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know**(That you're a royal b*$ch.)** dat ur better. Anyway da **(Something about something and something needs to tell you something for something.)**norse said u could **(stop, drop and die?)**get up. Cum on**(My imagination just went in the gutter with those two words.)**!1"

I got up suicidally.**(How. What. Why. How do you do that? Do you just get up while cutting your wrists? Or are you carrying a piece of rope with the hangman's knot on the end just in case?) **Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left.**(Good. I didn't like them anyway. Maybe now she'll get the point and also leave... Yeah, I didn't think so.) **I wuz wearing a blak leather **(Oh for f&*k's sake! I don't give a crap!)**nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace,**(Don't care.) **with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong **(Don't care.)**(if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u).**(Wha. Sorry, I'm barely paying attention as I'm reading and I'm too lazy to read it again. Oh well.)** I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt,**(Don't care.)**a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes.**(Congress shoes! Congress shoes? Congress shoes... How do congress shoes look like? Now I'm intrigued. Not.)** I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.**(Don't really give a crap.)**

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.**(For what? The fact that the b&*ch survived? Or the fact that you're all going to die and I can live happily ever after?)**

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.**(HOSE OF WAX!? Wha? ... DICTIONARY! COME HERE! ... _Hose: A flexible tube conveying water, used esp. for watering plants and in firefighting... _And now it's made of wax? I'm very certain that that wouldn't work.)**

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine.**(Who the f*$k is this!? Hermione, who is right now Bloody Mary, is already here! So who is this!?) **We opened da conmen room door sexily.**(Someone can open a door. Wow. That's a surprise!) **And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111**(THE ONES ATTACK! QUICK! GRAB YOUR CHILDREN! RUN AWAY!)** He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.**(Who cares what he's wearing! I want to know why he's doing the nasty with Snape of all people! At least do it with someone who isn't a d$ck! Like... I don't know. The only one who comes to mind right now is Dumbledore and that just isn't right... Great, now I can't get the image of Dumbledore and Draco having a good time out of my head. I NEED BRAIN BLEACH!)**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.**(*Sigh*)**

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.**(So he shot the gun before taking it out... Am I the only one wondering what he shot?****)**

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.**(OoO ... What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?)**

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him**(Why is no one asking what's going on? I am completely lost...)** (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room **(I wish I could see this so I could know what it looks like... And laugh my head off!)** I sexily took a steak out.**(Death by meat! The best way to go!)**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.**(I thought she couldn't die... Wait! Why am I complaining! SHE'S DEAD! WOOHOO!)**

Idiot's Note: Ugh... I know... terrible... but then again, this wouldn't be called the 'worst fanfic ever if not for the fact that the writing standards meets the level of a day old fetus...**(O...K... Yeah... Thank's Hacker... I think...)**

* * *

><p>(My turn! My turn! Nananananana)<p>

I woke up in a very strange room. As I looked around I noticed that I was attached to a table. I continued to look around and noticed a doctor's tray with all sort of things like scalpels and other things. For a few moments I didn't see anything else except that the walls were white with some splashes of red paint.

After a few moments I heard a door opening and close. Footsteps sounded and I tried to look at the person but I couldn't see them. As I waited I got more apprehensive.

For a few more moments it was silent. I then saw a gloved hand reach out to the tray and pick up a scalpel.

I had to say something but I couldn't make my mouth work. I was so scared.

For a few more moments there was nothing until I felt something on my head.

"Time to see if you actually have one..." The voice sounded like a a screeching tire on the asphalt. And at that moment I realized what this person was doing. I tried to struggle but at that moment I realized that my head was strapped to the table also and I couldn't move!

I felt a type of twisting on my skull and then the hand returned holding something incredibly bloody. The person placed it on the tray and that's when I realized what it was. It was the top of my head!

"Hmm... What would happen if I did..."


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Parody