Once and Again Be Still My Beating Heart

Title: Be still my beating heart (1/1)  
Rating: read at your risk  
Disclaimer: own nothing  
Summary: a short scene, katie gettin' hot, bothered and philosophical.  
Feedback: very, very aprecciated.

Sorry for all the gramatical and spelling mistakes, for the shortness and for the general crappyness. It's very late, and I am not a real writer. The title is a song, guess from who.

Sometime in the near future. England. 2 AM.

London was foggy as always. She could see its roofs through the big windows of the loft. It wasn't a big loft, but that wasn't important.

Katie put her last drawing aside. Enough for tonight. Her exams were days away, but she still had to hand in an awful lot of old work. Life as a college student was probing to be a real challenge... for someone rather lazy in school matters. Keeping up with her classes was exhausting. But, anyways, she was loving every second of it. After all, this, moving to London, was her number second thing in her list of most amazing things ever. Exactly, number second. Since she was sixteen years od, still in highschool, she knew that anything, anything good that could happen would pale in comparisson of what had already happenned to her: she had found love. Jessie. The first and the last words in her lips, in the morning, at night, everyday, burned, engraved forever in her soul.

Katie smiled. Making a semi-neat pile with her sketches, she yawned and went to the other side of the room. Her girlfriend breath was rithmic and quiet, and her arms were clutching tightly Katie's pillow. That was part of thir unspoken routine... whenever Jessie went to sleep earlier (which wasn't very often) she would use the other girl's pillow as a lame replacement. Trying to be as careful as her clumsy-self could be, Katie took the pillow away. Taking of her socks and sweatpants, she slided next to Jessie, being inmediatly enveloped in her warm embrace. She pushed the sheets up, and the slight ruffling cause Jessie to stir and reposition herself somewhat oddly, with her mouth right on Katie's breast and one leg sliding between Katie's longer ones. Jessie was unawared of the change, still fast asleep. Katie's situation was, however, quite the opposite. It had been a week since they last had sex, due to their crazy schedule. And now, even though she was completely tired, she was also starting to feel her repressed want. But it would be unfair to wake up Jessie, she thought. Her girlfriend had classes early tomorrow, and she needed some rest, didn't she? Katie tried to calm down, concentrating in the noises from the street outside. Her pulse was just a tiny-bit faster, but her resolution was firm, and she just put her hand on Jessie's blond hair, caressing it slowly. Just some innocent touching. Just her hair. If she went further down, her caresses would had taken another tone, and soon she would had had to wake Jessie. The tension striked again, full-force. But suddenly, her mind drifted to a different place and time.

She rememberd when Rick, Lily and the rest of Jessie's family, except her Mum, went to Australia for a year. Jessie had refused to go for her. Just to be with her.

_"I can't be without you. I think about it, and I just can't imagine myself like that"_.

Katie felt incredibly guilty back then, as if she was keeping her away from her loved ones. But the truth was, the mere idea of them being separated made her feel dizzy. The night after the departure of all the Sammler-Manning clan, Jessie asked her to sleepover at her house. Her girlfriend cried silentrly in her arms, and she just pressed her against her chest for an endless amount of time. Then she fell asleep. But Katie, again, didn't. And there, in that room, with Jessie unconcious on her, she felt for the first time the terrible push of carnal desire. Jessie had given up her family. And she was in pain. Her love was in pain. She just wanted to tear off her clothes and grab her hands and never, never let go and kiss every inch of her skin and... be inside of her. Yes, she wanted to be inside of her, and strangely, she wasn't ashamed of her thoughts. Of course, she didn't do anything. They were both virgin, and well, they had to talk, all the obvious stuff. Heck, that wasn't the plan, anyway. She didn't even considered turning her anxious needs into a reality. It was just the discovery of her intentios that surprised her... the realization that her intense love for Jessie didn't keep her from desiring her body in a primal and maybe even selfish way.

That was something that intrigued her. The line between the emotions and the body. Where did her body end? The tip of her index finger was caught in Jessie's hair, above her neck. She felt connected to Jessie's body. She felt utterly connected. But, that was just an aspect of their relationship. One she looked forward to, and enjoyed very much, but... was it essential? Did she really need to be phisical?

"It doesn't matter", she concluded. "The body is not reliable. I fell in love with Jessie without seeing her".

She went backwards in time. At school, the play rehearsal. She had gone for Sara, but then she listened to something...

"I first fell for a voice".

Her caresses on Jessie's locks, which hadn't stopped for one second, turned softer, less passionate, less urgent.

"It's not my fault that the voice belonged to someone so hot". Her lips curved in a smile. "That's a random casuality".

A long beep interrupted Katie insomnic musings. 7 AM. She was startled.

"Mmh..." Jessie murmured, frowning, with her eyes closed.

"So cuute..." Katie rolled the vocals in her tongue, teasy. Kissing her chest quickly, Jessie went upwars, facing her girlfriends. "What's _cuuute_?".

"Your totally messed-up hair. I've been strocking it for like, some time".

"You woke up earlier than me? That's so weird". At that pint, Katie put her best menacing face.

"You don't believe me?"

Jessie didn't answer, instead wetting her lips and kissing her on the mouth. After a minute of languid motions, Jessie stood up and headed for the chairwhere she had left her jeans. With her back turned, she said in a humorous voice:

"So you were totally wasting time in bed... why didn't you get up and prepare me some breakfast?".

Katie, still laying, eyed Jessie's bare back as she changed. She bit her bottom lip. Why did she love this girl so much? Why did she just _had to _love her? At all?

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you".

(END)


End file.

Once and Again, Romance