Naruto 1. my spectacular opening

**i like ninjas too**

I do not own Naruto. I own several plushies, DVD's, manga and a million little Naruto key chains on my phone. I'm proud of the key chains on my phone. The key chains all together weigh more than the phone itself. And yes, I am proud of that.

Summary: Jessie's an absentminded girl who likes the Naruto series. Jessie doesn't ever want to grow up. However, Jessie's now a freshman in high school, so how can she learn to grow up? Maybe meeting the Naruto characters for real will do the trick like a slap to the face by an oversized dead fish.

Watching the flecks of dust float through the filtered light from the dense forest, I sat uncomfortably on a branch. Hardly daring to breathe, lest to disturb a speck of drifting dust or to alerting my presence, I lithely stretched one hand before another, crawling further out on my branch for a better view of the ground, fifty feet below. I was about to abort my mission due to boredom when my target passed right below my tree. He stood there, obliviously mussing his hair. Taking in a light breath to ready myself, I took another gentle step foreword, preparing to pounce when--

Crack!

Before I could get any bearings, I was upside down and right side up and sideways and backwards all at once until--

I had been wincing, since having stalled my reflexes out of fear and prepared for an all too painful, and sadly familiar, crash landing into an all too unwelcoming ground. Instead I opened my eyes and there was my target, staring at me. Hmm, I never noticed but one of his green eyes was browner than the other. Hmm, I wonder if it hurt his arms to catch me...

All at once, I felt like I was slapped in the face by an oversized dead fish, the shock and realization feeling almost as uncomfortable and disgusting. Screaming a battle cry (at least that's what I tried to make it sound like) I struggled to get out of his grip when he finally rolled his eyes and removed his arms from my body.

Dirt and grass in my mouth, I could no longer scream. Struggling to stand, I felt a heavy booted heel push me back to the dirt.

"Geez, well, looks like ah caught myself a crazy 'ere."

I groaned; he had pinned both my hands behind my back while with his free hand was nonchalantly rubbing his hair.

"Alright, I'm sorry! Is that what you want?"

"Look 'ere missy. Ah don' wanta be bothered by ya. Got it?" He looked a little annoyed but his voice was still pretty monotonous.

I could hardly say anything though. I was still trying to find a way to breath dirt.

"Look, would ya go play ninja, or whatevah somewhere else? Ah'm tryin' to meet my girlfriend, 'kay?" He muttered a little more annoyed. Regardless of how he said it, it still struck a painful chord.

Before I could retort cleverly he released my hands. Moving to a seated position, I ignored his offered hand. Struggling to stand, he caught me from making out with the ground again.

He sighed and shrugged. "Jessie, ah'm really sorry, but I don't 'ave time to play anymore."

Okay, so _that_ was probably more painful than even the fall.

He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Look 'ere." He pulled a white handkerchief out of his pocket. "Ya shouldn' be 'anging outta trees at the mall either. What was that, a ten foot fall?"

_Fifty._ I thought bitterly but I nonetheless let him clean the dirt from my face. After he finished and stuffed the handkerchief in my purse, I sat back down on the ground angrily. With dark clouds rolling before my eyes, obscuring my vision, I hardly noticed that he knelt down in front of me. Messing my hair lightly, he kissed my forehead. I think that was when I snapped back to reality.

"But she's an evil succubus!"

He looked taken aback by my outburst. Then he smiled lightly. "Ah know ya only 'ave good intentions for me but ya 'ave to stop being so childish."

I could hardly retain my anger. "I'm not being childish! She is _evil_!"

"Jessie!"

I stopped. His stern voice and cold eyes told me I was heading to a dangerous territory.

"Look, Jessie. Ya know ah love ya."

I couldn't help myself, and looked up hopefully.

"Ah love ya like a close sister, but Cari is my girlfriend." He gazed at me sternly. I felt depressed anyways though. "And ah don' appreciate your actions lately. You've been really childish and immature lately."

I couldn't help but look away embarrassedly. Geez, it felt like the make-Jessie-feel-like-crap lecture my parents always give to me.

He gazed at me sadly, then he laughed and messed his black hair again. "Ah know ya care about me," he brushed some of my long black hair from my face. He smiled lightly when he came across some of my orange highlights, probably remembering when we had tried dying my hair blonde. Then we tried to dye it back to black when my parents got mad. In our rush, I ended up with some orangish highlights around my face. "Jessie, you're a freshman now in 'ighschool. Don't ya think it's time to grow up?"

"So? You're a freshman in college. You still don't really want to grow up either."

He seemed to wince. "Yeah, ah know." He then tried to grin. "That's why ya shouldn't follow my bad example."

Frowning, I crossed my arms, and then my legs, trying to get in comfortable Indian style seating.

Noticing my adamant body language, he paused. "'ow about this? Next Saturday, we can go on a date. Just the two of us. Eh? sound good?"

I looked up joyously. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." He smiled, happy to see me happy.

"Alright, I'll hold you to it, Dorian." I held out my pinky. Laughing, he crooked his pinky around mine in an infantile gesture to promise.

"Now, get outta 'ere. Don't ya 'ave a 'ome?" he said jokingly.

I nodded and stood, brushing the dirt of my butt and knees.

"Oh, and one more thing." He put a hand on my head. "No more ninja sneak attacks and stuff, 'kay?" Then he seemed curious. "Where is that even from anyway?"

"Naruto!" I perked up. "It's like this really cool anime about ninja's and stuff."

"Ah, more of that Japanese stuff?"

"Uh-huh."

"'ave fun with that." he muttered lightly. I already knew he didn't care for anime that much. But that's okay. We like just about everything else equally. Except for Jazz and dairy. I never quite got hooked to jazz and I'm lactose intolerant, but I do take these cool pills so I can have milk. Once in a while, Dorian'll buy me an ice cream because he'll forget, but I always keep some pills at hand in my purse because of that.

Before I could say anything else, Dorian shooed me away. Ugh, it's that cow-bitch, Cari with her fancy sports car. Long legs, C-cup, almost D, breasts, size six feet, and a model's face. What a waste. I tried to ignore Dorian and walked away. He always had this goofy expression and can-I-lick-your-boots kind of attitude with her.

But _I_ couldn't stand her.

On several occasions, she told me she was only dating him for his money because he'd buy her anything and everything. So his dad owns a law firm, that doesn't mean he needs to spend every penny on you, you ungrateful bitch. Keh, she's so rude and two faced behind his back. I feel so bad for Dorian, he doesn't deserve it. That and I saw him first, so he's mine! We were friends since I was seven! Top that, Cari!

Ranting to myself even more so, I hardly noticed where I was going. As I was crossing one street, some psycho in a bright red sports car was gunning out of a subdivision, ignoring his stop sign. Looking up at the two bright lights, I froze like a deer. For a moment, I thought he was going to hit me until he seemed to finally wake up. Swerving to a side, and up onto the sidewalk, he managed to stop.

I think my heart stopped too.

Then time seemed to move again. The guy was getting out of his car, apologizing and asking if I was okay. After assuring him for the hundredth time, he finally left me alone. Apologizing one last time, he let me go around his car until he revved up and sped out of there. Sheesh, and you'd think someone would learn.

Continuing on my way, I head to the park next to the subdivision, so I could cut across it to a short forest. On the other side of the forest was my house, so I didn't have to far to go.

After shuffling my feet around the swings and jungle gyms, I wandered into the forest, letting my thoughts wander, turning my feet on autopilot. I played my Naruto story once again in my head.

I was such a geek, I'd spend time coming up with random stories in my head where my character was in Naruto. She was cool. She had that same streak of orange in her hair on her bangs and she wore a really cool outfit. She was really strong and she had the same colored eyes as Dorian, this incredible forest green with hints of rain blue around the iris rim.

While I fantasized about my character, this time my story involved the Akatsuki, I began to wonder why it was taking so long to get home and why the forest definitely seemed denser than usual. Cutting my story short I brushed my hair out of my eyes and set a hand to a nearby tree, ducking to avoid a couple low hanging branches. Almost immediately, I recoiled as a kunai stuck quivering, barely an inch above where my hand was just a moment ago.

Before I could do a double take, I heard some crackling of breaking twigs and rustling of moving branches. I heard a girl's voice shout something along the lines of, "over there". Before I could even think I heard the same girl's voice on top of me.

"I found the intruder!"

I hardly managed to process that this girl was standing upside down on a tree branch above my head when I turned around to see a boy with short black hair glaring at me. Backing away, frightened, I bumped into something soft. Turning around, I was greeting with a pair of stern, blank eyes. Panicked, I whipped around to run foreword, forgetting how low some of the branches were and then I felt this sharp pain in my forehead.

I heard the girl shout. "Is she okay?"

Someone else snorted. "What an idiot."

"Maybe we should take her back to _master guy_."

Trying to grasp the term "master guy" with my fading brain, I finally gave up and thought to myself, "my head hurts".

So what do you think? I hope it sounds okay though. Anyways, whether you like it or not, you should review! I'd like words of encouragement or people to simply tell me when I'm screwing up.

PS. Can anyone guess my inspirations for the names Jessie and Dorian?

Chapter 2: Jessie wakes up somewhere that isn't Kansas. Startled, she discovers herself really immersed in that anime, Naruto! Gasp! Shocks, Thrills, Chills!


	2. i feel like a sack of crap

**i like ninjas too**

**chapter2 **

**Hey, I fixed this chapter and I'm sorry about the delay!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Besides, why do I bother to write this? I'm a minor anyway so I can't be sued.**

"D-Dorian?"

"'ey, Jessie. Ya 'ead okay?"

I sat up uncomfortably. Apparently my head had been resting in his lap. Ungh! I touched my head. How did he know my head hurt? "Nn. But I'm better now that I'm with you." I hugged him lightly to myself. Then I hugged tighter curiously until I recoiled. "Ohmigod! When did you get tits?!"

Then I felt like I was falling backward, the sensation of leaving my stomach behind as I spiraled away, eminent. Then I landed not too pleasantly in my own body. I looked up to see that I had crushed the ribs of the bun haired girl.

I separated myself from the girl so she could get a chance to breathe as I glanced around the small clearing we were camped in. Some tall kid with long black hair was staring moodily past the trees. Bun girl was still choking in pain. And some kid with a dead caterpillar on his forehead was rummaging through my purse.

Barely a second passed when I realized what he was looking through. Snarling I grabbed it away from him and curled around the bag protectively like a mother wolf with her cubs.

The boy with something gross on his forehead shrugged and called the bun haired girl over, calling her Tenten.

Tenten? Hmm... That sounded familiar. Then it hit me. Cosplayers!

Before I could ask when the convention was in town, I felt my jaw drop. Tenten was busy giggling over picture with the Rock Lee character.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed loudly, lunging for the photo. However, I'm out of shape so my lunge only got me a meter far when I fell to the ground at the Tenten girl's feet.

She bent over as though concerned. "Are you okay?"

I mumbled into the dirt something incomprehensible.

"Okay." She said smiling. Oh, as if she could understand that? Even I couldn't, and I said it.

Lee bent down and helped me to my feet. Well, at least someone is considerate!

"Can I have my photo back?" I tried to ask as nicely as possible, but I was definitely worried! Which photo did they grab?

"Yeah, you can have it." Tenten handed it to me politely. She then smirked. "Why do you have a picture of a half naked man in your purse?"

"Wha-?" I glanced at the photo and blushed. Well, it could have been worse. I reassured myself as I tucked it into my purse. I had taken this picture right after Dorian had gotten out of the shower. However he's onto me so he had already wrapped a towel around his waist. Not that that matters. Heheheheh! Being so busy with my little fantasy world I think I was in the midst of drooling when Tenten snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Hello? Are you alright?"

"I was just..." I paused. This throbbing in my head was just getting worse and worse. There was a sharp pain around my right eye and the back of my head. There was also a deep throbbing pain in the center of my brain which I can't describe. I felt faint images spill before my eyes but they were unrecoginizable. I glanced at the photo in my hand and suddenly had a blurred recollection of the picture, for a moment I couldn't remember who it was. I think I blacked out because I was suddenly being supported by Tenten and Rock Lee. "Wh-what-?"

"you just collapsed for a second." Lee told me, his face serious. the Tenten girl nodded.

"Oh."

Before much more could be said, Lee announced that he should go and get Gai (Oh! Master Gai! Not master guy! Duh!), and dashed through the forest

"So what are you guys doing out here, Tenten, Neji?" I asked politely as I sat on the ground comfortably.

Staring at me oddly, as though scared, Tenten backed away slowly. Neji meanwhile loomed over me.

"We never told you our names." Tenten spoke out nervously.

"Who are you? Are you a spy? What is your agenda?"

Neji began to pound me with interrogational questions. "Gah..." Was all I could form with my useless mouth. Sheesh, for cosplayers, they take this pretty seriously.

Luckily, Gai and Lee appeared at that moment.

The Gai team gave me an eerie look as they conglomerated into a little huddle. After muttering for a while, the group then turned back to me.

"We have decided to take you to the hokage." Gai announced seriously. "And Either Lee or Neji shall carry you."

"what? I don't need to be carried!" i retorted.

The threesome were already huddled with each other as Tenten packed up the campsite.

"It is decided! The method to choose who carries the girl will be decided by..." Gai paused dramatically, "Rock-paper-scissors!"

I almost fell over from the immaturity. Regardless, Gai went on.

"And Lee!" Gai turn to Lee and pointed into the distance. "Should you lose this match, i want you to do five hundred pushups when we exit the forest!"

Lee replied with a "yosh!" and in his over enthusiasms, he almost forgot he had to play the game first.

As it would turn out, Lee attacked with rock, though I have a feeling he just forgot how to make the other symbols, and Neji with paper. Before I could get my bearings, I was abruptly picked up and tossed over someone's shoulder like a bag of potatoes.

"Hey! Hey!" I tugged on his pony tail which only seemed to make him annoyed. He tossed me up lightly, causing my ribs to crash back into his shoulder. Slightly winded, I had to pause before I could shout some more.

"ready?" Gai asked.

Everyone nodded. Except me. I was too unhappy being treated like a sack of crap.

As I tried to shout one more time, i felt my voice wrenched away from me. We had taken off at high speeds, right through the trees themselves! Just like how they traveled on the show! How could cosplayers--? A silly thought crossed my mind but I crushed it. There's no way they could be the real thing!

Hmm. Maybe I was dreaming. I tried to remember what you're supposed to do when you're dreaming. I gasped and snapped my fingers. Oh yeah! I then grabbed Neji's neck with my forefinger and thumb. Before he could turn his head to ask what I was doing, I pinched him. Hard.

He then tripped on a branch and my stomach suddenly flew up in my throat. Oops. Or maybe you're supposed to only pinch yourself?

**Thank you for being patient with me! Anyways, Chapter three is up so you should read that, eh? wink wink, poke poke, nudge nudge, hint hint! Anyways, time to work on chapter four!**


	3. i'm the great mystic kuriko

**i like ninjas too**

**chapter3 i'm the great mystic kuriko!**

**Ooh! Chapter three! I'm so proud of my self. Well, I guess it was either do this or homework at the hospital! Hmm, I don't know. Homework just doesn't sound as tempting as writing this.**

**Disclaimer: Have you read chapters one and two? Well then you should get the gist by now. If you haven't read the last two chapters then what are you doing here?**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then: BAMF!

"Oww." stunned, my head dizzily moved from side to side as the ground squirmed beneath me. "Hmm, ground isn't as hard as I was expecting."

Then the ground exploded. Before I could think earthquake or geyser, I landed painfully on my butt a few feet away.

"You moron!"

I don't think I've ever seen Neji this angry in the show. Than again, I don't think anyone quite degraded him like I just did. It must have been painful as well.

I backed away hesitantly. I know Gaara has a slightly more, ah, _deadly_ personality, but I don't exactly want to be on the receiving end of a Hyuuga's fury. "Eheheheh. Accident?" I don't think my apology worked. "Wait! Please don't kill me!" I thought furiously. Crap! I don't know that much about Neji! I spent more of my time on Kakashi. "Umumumumum!!! I know about your curse seal! I know about your childhood history!" _kind of._ I thought bitterly. "I know why you're bitter."

He paused but he still glared at me. His mouth twitched like he wanted to say something. The veins around his eyes bulged, signifying he activated his Byakugan. I could almost see the urge he was tethering to simply close all my tenketsu points, since he was above simple strangulation.

_Wow, I didn't think I'd get Neji to hate me so easily._

"What's your name?"

"What?"

"Your name?" His Byakugan seemed deactivated. For now anyways.

"Um." Oh yeah, I still haven't told any of them my name yet. "Kuriko!" I responded, remembering that name for some reason. I strained to remember what it was. All I could salvage was something about the Akatsuki. Oh! My character! That's right! "I'm a, uh, seer. Yeah that's it. That's why I know so much."

He stared at me.

I shrugged. "Sometimes fate gives you mystic powers like that."

He seemed to accept that excuse. Ah finally! We're on the same channel now!

"Now, uh, maybe we should hurry up." I nudged too the edge of the tiny manmade clearing we had created.

"No." He sat cross-legged on the floor.

"Wh-what!!"

"No. I'm not taking another fall like that." He then rests his back on a tree trunk. If you want to leave, be my guest. I'm just going to rest right here for now until I feel like going, preferably when _you're _gone."

He said, "You're" so disdainfully! "Ooh. Harsh." I then stood up, brushing myself off, a spark of deja vu hitting me like when we fell out of the tree. Dizzy I gripped a nearby tree for support. Once I straightened myself, I shivered and shrugged. Then I walked forward between a couple trees. The angry hyuuga shot me an incredulous glance and smirk. The smirk was one of, "haha, you're probably going to be lost or eaten by some forest creature and I hope it does happen". Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence!

Tripping on some roots and ducking under branches, I wandered through the forest confused but I figured if I went straight I would hit Konoha eventually. Then I realized that what if I was going the wrong way? With that thought, I tripped completely on a root and felt the squelch of mud and grass on my face and in my mouth. That also brought a bit of deja vu but this time I ignored it, standing unsteadily.

I turned around to head back where I came, wondering if I could maybe convince that kid to help me out here. I mean, come on! I'm fifteen! I'm two years his senior!

Trotting along the muddy path, I notice that the sunlight that filtered through the leaves and branches was getting dimmer. Soon I was panicking because it was getting darker and I knew I had taken way too many steps forward. Moving faster, I jogged through the forest, trying to remember a song Dorian would sing to me so I'd calm down. All I came up with was a faint memory of him singing it in a haunted house once when I was nearly in tears. So many people were surprised. His voice was so beautiful. But what was that song?

With head aching with every step, I began to fully run, hoping it would calm me down. Soon I was turning left and right, uncertain of what to do. Then I ran straight into the trunk of a tree.

Sliding down the bark of the tree painfully, I turned my back to it and sat down. I pulled my knees up to my face in a futile attempt to protect myself. When a drop of something wet landed on my hand I thought it was raining until I realized I was crying. With my shoulders shaking, I began to cry silently to myself, probably out of selfish self-pity. I began to miss Dorian. I missed my memories I knew I couldn't remember. I couldn't even remember who my parents were, let alone siblings, if I had any.

No, all I remembered was some boy named Dorian. I don't even know why he's all I remember! I also remember some girl I hated named Cari but not why! All I could remember were the emotions that went with them like tags.

Letting myself succumb to my lapse of self-pity, I cried and began to wail. Hiccupping between tears I heard someone.

"D-Dorian?" I asked between hiccups, looking up.

That jerk Neji held his hand extended. "Come on."

"W-wha-?"

"I went back to Gai and the rest and was reprimanded for leaving you behind. I was told that since you're my responsibility, I had to get you."

I smirked. "That and you're the only one with a Byakugan."

"Do you want to get out of the forest? Or would you prefer sitting in the mud instead of me carrying you back?"

I grabbed his hand and was surprised at how easily he managed to pull me up. I was also surprised at his niceness. Maybe he's not such a jerk...

Scratch that! He is a jerk! He slung me back over his shoulder unceremoniously and began to fly through the trees.

"Do you mind!? Why can't you carry me like a person?"

"It's easier this way."

I frowned but didn't say anymore considering I was so agitated. Instead, I screamed, "JERK!" in my head over and over.

About ten minutes later we arrived at the edge of the woods. He jumped down from the branches to the ground and dropped me in a very unladylike like way in front of him.

"Got her."

Gai nodded. Tenten seemed to be laughing at how dirty I was by now. Lee was off doing 500 or so push ups.

"Alright. Let's go to the Hokage."

"Wait! What about Jess- err, I mean, Kuriko? Are you still going to treat me like some cheap prisoner? I'll have you know I'm a mystic!" I crossed my arms in front of me. "And I say I do not want to be dragged anywhere else. I demand you let me go do my own thing now!"

The Hyuuga didn't even pause. He scooped me up again and tossed me over his shoulder. "Ready."

"Dammit! Would you put me down? I demand to be let go! Stop this! Argh!" I began to punch his back the best I could. I don't think it really hurt him but I kept it up the entire time to the Hokage's tower. I'm actually quite proud I could do that the entire time though. I do think I severely annoyed Neji though. When we finally got to the Hokage's room, he practically threw me on the tiled floor. How unnecessary!

Rubbing my painful behind, I stood up. "Yo."

The Hokage glanced at me incredulously.

I groaned and cracked my back. "Can I go now? I saw the Hokage. You know I have a life to live and better things to do..."

At that moment, Kurenai entered the room bowing. "Hokage-sama. I had an appointment with you today..." She stopped staring around herself. She stared at me the longest. I guess I looked weird. Muddy, with stringy hair and moderately ripped clothes, I looked like a mess, not to mention the big muddy mark on Neji's shoulder. I glanced at his back and held back a laugh. He had muddy handprints on his back too.

"Umm, did I come at a bad time?" Kurenai muttered hesitantly.

I grinned brightly. And smacked Neji in the back in a friendly way yet with enough force to make him jerk forward. I smirked at my latest handprint on him. "Nah! You came at a great time, Kurenai!" Then I figured I should marvel them. "So, where are Shino, Kiba and Hinata? Off training?" I was about to say some thing more when Tenten elbowed me.

"How do you know her?" she muttered.

"I told you! I'm a seer! A mystic! I know all of you guys!"

The Hokage took a puff on his pipe. "Well, isn't that interesting. How would you feel about foreseeing something for us then?"

**Yes! Chapter three is done! Oh, poor Jessie! Neji kind of is a jerk to her, but he's kind of a jerk to a lot of people. And now Kurenai's here! What could she want? Does this mean Jessie- err; Kuriko will get to meet Hinata, Kiba and Shino? Maybe! But if you've read this far then send me a review! I'd love to respond. Also, tell me which team you'd rather see Jessie meets next or if she should stay with Gai's team. Personally, I can't wait for the Chuunin exams! Oh, and if anyone was wondering, Gai's team was out doing border control for a mission when they ran into Jessie, just in case that was unclear.**

**Chapter four: Well, looks like Jessie is going to have to see into the future to prove she isn't a bad guy. But what will her life be like if that's to happen? And will she remember more of her past? Is Jessie going to take a bath? And is Neji going to wash his clothes? All shall be answered in Chapter four!**


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Naruto, Adventure, Humor