Once and Again Complicated

"Complicated"  
Author's note: I have to say that I'm a complete sap and I've always liked Eli and Grace together...even if they never ended up together on the show. Just something about the two of them. This takes place after the last episode...during Jake and Tiffany's wedding reception. A sort of 'what if' floating around in my head...

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!!

_I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written all over my face  
When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place  
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.  
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand just makes me come unglued  
Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth  
Is it fact or fiction oh the way I feel for you  
So complicated, I'm so frustrated  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay  
Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel?  
Oh I want you to know...but then again I don't  
It's so complicated..._  
  
Eli stared at her throughout the entire ceremony. Grace was beautiful and he couldn't tear his eyes away. He saw her glance at him a few times and quickly turned his head to watch for her father hoping she wouldn't know what he was doing. He had taught himself over the years how to stare at her without anyone ever really knowing. Everyone had ideas, some had asked questions but he always denied any accusation and laughed it off. He was in love and was taking a step closer to insanity every day.  
  
Everyone stood after the ceremony ended and he instinctively found his way to her. He never understood why he always seemed to gravitate toward her.  
  
_Eli B&W  
  
"It's as if my body was a magnet to hers. I cannot stop myself. I have to be close to her and I cannot explain it. And I can't be too obvious." He looks off to the side into the darkness and smiles. "I have to be near her but I can't stand the anxiety when I am."  
_  
"Hey."  
  
"Hi." She replied quietly.  
  
"You look...nice." He wanted to say she was beautiful, stunning, breathtaking, and gorgeous but the only word that he allowed out of his mouth was nice.  
  
With a puzzled expression on her face, she said "Thanks. How's your mom?"  
  
"She's good." Eli smiled remembering their conversation before he left the house. "I love you."  
  
Her eyes widened. "What?" she choked.  
  
_Eli B&W  
  
"I said that out loud didn't I?" He has a panicked look on his face.  
_  
"No, I mean, I told mom I loved her. I was just thinking about the conversation we'd had when Dad picked Jess and I up and I'd told Mom I love her. Mom and I have come a long way after everything. She and I are good." He sighed.  
  
_Eli B&W  
  
He's sitting in a chair looking into the camera. He closes his eyes, bends his head down, and then shakes his head. "That was close. I am an idiot."  
_  
"Oh. Sorry, you said...I thought...I don't know. I'm glad the two of you are okay now." She smiled and touched his arm. His breathing stopped for a moment as he felt electricity through his body.  
  
"I guess I should go congratulate your dad and Tiffany. Him being my boss and all." Eli smiled and turned away from the woman he loved convinced she saw it in his eyes and his secret was out.  
  
_Later..._  
  
He had been standing in a corner watching Grace and drinking punch when his sister walked up beside him. He never saw Jessie approach.  
  
"Hey E. What are you doing over here?" He jumped.  
  
"Jess, you scared me. It's not nice to sneak up on people." Eli smiled and took another drink of punch.  
  
Jessie tilted her head and looked at him in disbelief. "I did not sneak up on you Eli Sammler. I very loudly walked over here and stepped right in front of you and you looked right around me. What are you staring at?" She turned and tried to see who was in his line of sight. Eli got nervous, stepped closer to his sister, and turned her so she was facing him. He never saw Grace making her way toward them.  
  
"I'm not staring at anyone...uh anything. I have a question for you anyway. What's going on with you and Katie? Why'd she crash the wedding? People don't normally crash weddings you know." He knew if he changed the subject to Katie, his sister would leave him alone and he could continue watching Grace.  
  
"Shut up Eli. And for the record, I know you were staring at someone and I know who it is. You two have never been discreet." Jessie smacked his arm and walked away.  
  
"What was that about?" Grace appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Would you people stop walking up and scaring me?" He didn't mean for it to come out so harshly but he knew by the look on her face it had. He began to apologize but she stopped him with her next question.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you Eli? Things never used to be like this with us. Why are we always so angry with one another?"  
  
Eli was speechless. "I don't know. I'm sorry it it's my fault."  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "You don't get it. You cannot say you're sorry if you have no idea why you're apologizing. I'll talk to you later Eli." She walked away. He watched as she walked to her father and gave him a hug, all the while wishing he were the one in her arms.  
  
He sighed and realized he needed to tell her. He wasn't sure what he would say or when he'd find the right time. He just knew insanity was approaching and he couldn't handle that. He took a few steps toward her and paused a moment too long. He'd lost the nerve. He wanted to grab her and hold her and never let go but he was wondering why she told him not to apologize if he wasn't sure why. "How dare she say that?"  
  
"How dare who say what?" Rick asked.  
  
"Dammit, not again. Don't sneak up on someone, please." Eli looked at his dad and knew instantly something had happened. "Why are you so happy?" Eli laughed and asked, "You're thinking about your wedding to Lily aren't you?"  
  
"No. Well yes. It's just everything about Lily. I'm just in a good mood today. Hey, are you going to dance or are you staying here in the corner? Lily said she wanted to dance with you. Why don't you and Jess dance too? You used to." Rick smiled.  
  
"Dad, that was a long time ago. We were kids...little kids. Don't make me dance with my sister." Eli groaned, smiled at his father knowing he would have no other choice but to agree, and said, "Fine. I'll dance with them. Happy?"  
  
"I'll be happy when you join everyone and socialize instead of brooding in the corner." He put his arm around his son as they walked toward Lily who was talking to Grace. Eli tensed immediately. Rick never noticed, gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and said, "Hon, E has something he wants to ask you."  
  
Eli rolled his eyes and said, "Very subtle Dad. Lily would you like to dance with me?"  
  
She smiled and said "I would love to" took his hand and walked to where everyone was dancing. "This is nice. Are you okay Eli?"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Eli. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're fine." Lily wouldn't give up. He knew where Grace got her stubborn will.  
  
He looked her in the yes and said, "I'm fine Lily. Actually better than fine. Mom and I are doing better."  
  
"Aww sweetie, I'm glad. I was worried about you for a while. So was your father. We were just concerned after what happened between you and your mom and then how you would handle everything after the accident. It was hard for all of us. I'm glad Karen's doing well. I am glad to see a smile on your face. Are you listening to me?" Lily looked at Eli and realized his eyes were somewhere else. She shrugged it off and they finished the dance in silence.  
  
_Oh, just when I think I'm under control, I think I finally got a grip.  
Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips.  
They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind.  
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.  
Oh it's so confusing, I wish you'd just confess.  
But think of what I'd be losin' if your answer wasn't yes  
So complicated...I'm so frustrated,  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay  
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel  
Oh, I want you to know, but then again I don't  
It's so complicated..._  
  
She watched as he danced with her mother. She had been talking to Tiffany but if someone had asked her that moment what Tiffany was saying, Grace wouldn't have a clue. Grace was still wondering who Jessie was talking about to Eli. She thought she'd noticed Eli staring at her during the ceremony and then again while her dad and Tiffany were cutting the cake. When she heard Jessie say she knew he was watching someone, Grace was curious to know who it was.  
  
_Grace B&W  
  
"Me. I want it to be me. I want him to be watching me. I don't want any of that simply a figment of my imagination. I've caught him watching me but I wish I knew why he did it. Does he? Could he care?" She shakes her head. "I can't be that lucky."  
_  
"Earth to Grace. Are you there? What is up with the two of you? What, do you lose all touch with reality when you reach a certain age?" Jessie was standing beside Grace where Tiffany had been only moments before.  
  
"Where'd Tiffany go?"  
  
Jessie laughed and said, "You two truly do have it bad. No denying it now." She shook her head and walked away. Grace never got the chance to ask her what two people she meant.  
  
"Hey sweetie. Wanna dance with your old man on his wedding day?" Jake held out his hand for his daughter.  
  
"I'd love to." They began to dance and Grace spoke. "I didn't really get a chance to tell you before. I am happy for you Daddy. After everything, I'm glad the two of you finally made it here. I don't hate her anymore you know. We've all grown and changed I think. Especially you." She smiled.  
  
"I know. I finally grew up. I finally opened my eyes and saw everything clearly, right in front of me, staring me in the face. I found love, I grabbed on and didn't let go. Wasted a lot of time and hurt too many people along the way but it's okay now isn't it? Things seemed to work out for all of us." Jake was talking about himself but Grace could only think of Eli. She wished those words were coming out of his mouth and not her father's. "I saw you talking to Eli before. I'm glad we hired him. Don't tell him that. It will go to his head. He's a good kid. Out in space most of the time but he hasn't had the easiest year I guess. Grace? Grace?" Jake saw a faraway look in his daughter's eyes and wondered where she'd gone.  
  
"Sorry Daddy. My mind has been wandering a bit today. I guess it's just a bit strange all of us being here together and not trying to kill one another. Hasn't been the easiest few years for any of us has it?" Grace sighed. "I'll be back. Thank you for the dance. I love you." She hugged her father and made her way to the bathroom to escape.  
  
Jessie followed Grace into the bathroom. "Why is Eli watching you tonight? What happened between the two of you?"  
  
"What are you doing in here and what do you mean, why's he watching me? Your brother has better things to do that watch me." Grace knew her heart was pounding at the thought of Eli's eyes on her and prayed Jessie couldn't hear it beating.  
  
"I followed you because I can't stand it anymore. You two have been playing this game for a long time now and one of you needs to find the courage to admit to everything." She sighed and walked to the door. "You'd better do it fast Grace. Eli isn't one to wait."  
  
Grace looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. "I can't tell him. I need to tell him. What would I possibly say to him? He doesn't feel the same. He's just lonely and wanted to talk to someone because he's bored out of his mind." She knew in her heart she needed to tell him what was hidden in her heart and soon. Jessie was right. Eli is not one to wait very long for a woman.  
  
_Oh I hate it. 'Cause I've waited  
So long for someone like you  
Oh what should I do  
Oh should I say it  
Should I tell you how I feel  
I want you to know, but then again I don't  
It's so complicated_  
  
It was bound to happen. It was a wedding reception. They both knew the possibility existed. They'd both kept it in the back of their minds, praying it wouldn't happen. Neither was able to breathe when the inevitable occurred.  
  
Eli was dancing with Tiffany when it happened. "So Eli, aren't you going to dance with Grace? You danced with every other woman here...even Jess." Rick said with a smile on his face.  
  
_Eli B&W  
  
"Dad is completely clueless sometimes." Eli is standing with a panicked look on his face, nervously rubbing his hands together.  
_  
"Uh, maybe Grace doesn't want to dance with me." Eli stammered.  
  
_Grace B&W  
  
"Sure, put it all on me. I can handle the pressure." Grace is standing with the same panicked look rubbing her hands together.  
_  
"I don't care. We can dance if you want. I've danced with every other man here." Grace didn't want to sound nervous but thought she stuttered.  
  
_Grace B&W  
  
"I could tell him right now how I feel. I could stand here, look him right in the eyes and tell him I'm falling for him. I could..._  
  
Eli held out his hand and asked, "Would you like to dance with me Grace?" He decided he should ask properly or she would never let him forget it. He glanced down at his hand, waiting for her to take it, and he realized it was trembling.  
  
Grace nodded, unable to speak, and took his hand. That was the moment she realized her hands were clammy. She smiled and prayed he wouldn't notice.  
  
He slid his arm around her and his hand rested on the small of her back. He held her other hand in his, close to his heart, and hoped she wouldn't feel his heart pounding.  
  
She lost the ability to breathe as she felt his hand on her back and slowly raised her arm and rested her hand on his shoulder. She was convinced she heard a voice screaming inside of her saying 'tell him you love him' but she tried blocking it out. She didn't think she could handle the rejection.  
  
"You look nice Grace."  
  
"I know. You told me that earlier."  
  
"Sorry. I guess I forgot."  
  
Deafening silence. Neither could hear the music but saw others dancing and knew a song must be playing.  
  
"You look nice too."  
  
He smiled. "Thanks." He stopped himself before he said he tried on three different shirts and ties before settling on this. He wanted to say it was to impress her. He wanted to tell her he had feelings for her but couldn't find the words. Nothing sounded right as he worked out the sentences in his mind. She was the only one to make him take the time to analyze his words before letting them escape his mouth.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
The song was ending. It was now or never and neither said another word. The two knew their moment was almost over. They had both missed another opportunity. Everyone in the room knew it wouldn't be the last opportunity and each one began to think of another way to make the inevitable happen without letting on to anyone else. Everyone around them seemed frozen in time as though they were the only ones that existed. They stopped dancing and Eli took a step away from Grace. He still held her hand but slowly moved his hand from her back. Her hand fell from his shoulder but made a trail of fire down his arm as she took his hand. "Thank you for the dance E." She wanted to kiss him but fear took over and she let go of his hand.  
  
He grabbed her hand, rubbed the back of it with his thumb, and softly spoke. "Grace...I..." He didn't know what to say. He couldn't find the courage and he lost the words that almost escaped his mouth a second before. "You're welcome." They parted and sounds erupted all around them. The world began to turn once again as Eli vowed to find the strength to tell her the truth before it was too late and she was gone. Grace promised herself she would tell him she loved him before she had to leave for college. Jessie watched them and knew it was too complicated for the two to handle alone and prayed silently she would convince them they were in love and perfect for one another...someday...  
  
_It's so complicated...  
It's so complicated...  
  
Ohhh..._


End file.

Once and Again, Angst