Once and Again 1. Chapter 1

_**Past to remember**_

**Author****: Dutcher2000**

**Disclaimer****: I don't own the characters. Or other things from 'Once and Again'.**

**Summary****: Jessie and Katie were friends when they were younger. But Katie moved and they never spook again. Will they meet again?**

I was just 8 years old when I first saw her. She was the daughter of my mom's friend. I immidiately thought she was a beautiful little girl. Long dirty blonde hair, slender and she had really nice gold-brown eyes. And she had a great laugh. But I was just a little girl. I didn't knew the meaning of important things. We spent a lot of time together, and became good friends. But the day came that she had to move. I was devastated. We promised to meet again, but we never did. Maybe because her mom and mine got a fight and never made up. I never saw the girl again. Now I'm a timid, withdrawn fifteen years old girl. I have friends, but they are different. They talk about stuff I don't get. They do stuff that Katie and I never did. And yes, we were just young children. We were innocent and didn't know a thing about what was going on in the world. But we talked. We communicated with each other on a special way that even I can't discribe. I think every day about her. I never had the fun that I had with her. I just want her to be here and hold me, like she did when I was 8. She knew more about pain than I knew. She just comforted me and told me that everything was gonna be allright. I still wait till the day that everything is allright. And for some reason, I just believe that it is someday.

I walk to school with my friend and his girlfriend. "So Walker just kicked you out of his class?" Felice says unbelieving. "Yes! I didn't even placed the spider on her desk! It was Johnny, I just know it." Tad growls. I role my eyes. "You are also someone who's able to do it, Tad." I grin. He pushes against my back. "So not true! I'm like the holy Jesus himself!" He says innocently. Gosh, Tad can be such a dork. I don't understand what Felice sees in him. Can't be anything good. Well, he is funny and stuff but só dumb.

x

_Flashback_

"_You're such a dork, Katie!" I laugh at the girl as she jumps like a kangaroo._

"_I'm a kangaroo! I'm a kangaroo! Grab me if you can, little monster!" She jumps around. I grab her at her waist and we fall on the grass. I laugh hard as I fall on top of Katie. She smiles underneath me._

"_Maybe you're not a little monster, but an angel." She says quietly. _

"_Well, you're more a little puppy than a kangaroo." I compliment her back. She stands up and pulls me back on my feet. We just quietly stare at each other, like we do often._

"_Come with me, angel! We have to rescue the cookies from the trash!" She screams excited. I follow her as she goes inside. _

"_Catch it!" I throw an cookie to her and she tries to catch it but she fails._

"_Bad dog!" I laugh. She runs to me and hugs me. I don't know why she does it but I wrap my tiny arms around her._

"_You're always my angel, Jess." She whispers. I just smile in her neck and whisper back._

"_And you're my little puppy."_

_ x_

"No, just no." I scream angrily. "O come on, Jess. Do it for me. I always do things for you!" Tad begs. I frown. The last time he did something for me was when I needed an book and he bought it for me. THREE years ago! "I'm not gonna wait four hours for you just because you have a date and you can't get home on yourself. Forget it. I have a life too. Just ask Felice if she wants to take you home!" I complain. What does he expect from me? I'm not his slave! "She has to shop after the date. I can't ask her to skip that for me! She wouldn't do that." He says annoyed. "Shopping? She needs to SHOP? You know, if she doesn't want to skip that for you, you have to put some questionmarks on your relationship." I want to walk away but he grabs my arm. "Pleaaaaase, Jessiejess?" He asks sweetly. He knows that I can't take that. I sigh. "Okay, jurk. But only if you do something for me too."

"What?" He asks. "That math essay that has to be finished tomorrow… I didn't started yet." I wink. "O gosh… That took me two hours! That's childlabour!" He says pitifully. I smirk. "It's all or nothing, Tad." I laugh. "Okayyy, I do it. But only because it's necessary." He grumbled. "I wait here for you. Goodbye, grumpy one." I grin and sit down on a fallen tree. Then we see Felice in her car. She gets out of the car and smiles at us. "She is waiting for you." I say. Tad nods and walks to his girlfriend. "O god… I'm home at eleven! How can I ever make that math essay?" I hear him say worriedly. I just smirk and lie down. It's a beautiful day. The sun is shining and here I am. Do I really have to sit here till eleven? O gosh! I have to say it too my parents! They don't like it when I'm late at home! And especially if I'm back at eleven 'O clock! I take my mobile phone and press the number in from my mother's phone. Her mom takes the phone very fast. "Hey sweety, where are you?" I hear her ask. "Ehhm mom, I'm a little late today. I…" I've been cut of by my mom. "How late? I'm not in the mood to stay up late. And you have school tomorrow!" She is allready angry and I didn't even say a thing yet. I become red. "Ehh, eleven O' clock…" I begin. "No way, young lady! Are you out of your mind? Come home, NOW!" She is really not in the mood. Jeesh, mom is never so furious like this. "But mom, Tad is gone and I have to wait for him, otherwise he doesn't make my essay!" Oops, to much said. Now comes the speech, I feel it. "You let Tad make YOUR essay? That's not nice, Jess. If you don't make it yourself, you don't learn for it. It's your fault if you start with it to late. Get home before 9 and not a minute late!" And that was the speech… Mother has spoken. "Okay, mom. I'm home in about five minutes. See you." I say annoyed. I hang up and walk to my bike. "Sorry, Tad…" I breath out. I just cycle away. After five minutes I'm home. As I open the door I hear my mother scream on top of the staircase. "Jess, you are going to make your essay, right?" She asks innocently. I know I can't protest now. "Yes, mother." I say angelic. I hear my mother whistle now. She always does that when she is nervous. I wonder why she is. I take a piece of paper and begin with my essay.

x

"You just left yesterday. I had to walk!" Tad comes to walk next to me. "I'm sorry, Tad. My mom wanted me to come home." I apologise. He looks sad and tired and I feel sorry for him. Suddenly he smiles. I look questionly at him. "I get it yes. It's all forgiven. Did you know there is a new hot girl on school? She is like… Really hot! I say her walking trough the hallways yesterday." He looks thoughtfully with dreamy eyes. I poke him in his ribs. "You have a girlfriend, Tad! Do you wanna cheat on her or something? She can't be that hot." I look indignant at him. He shakes his head. "You haven't seen her, Jess. Even you can fall in love with her. She is for sure hotter than Felice." He says. I frown. How can he say that about his own girlfriend? He doesn't love her. Even I am taken back from that. How dares he? If someone does that to me, I would be furious. ''Okay wait, I will show her to you. If I see her." He looks around. He shakes his head disappointed. I laugh at him. He looks every week to other girls. This one is probably nothing more than an blonde haired, slender girl. But Tad is over the moon. I turn around and my throat becomes dry. There, in all her beauty, stands the girl I haven't seen in seven years. And she is even more beautiful than I remember.

x

Flashback

"_Jess, why are you staring at me?" I hear a soft voice. I didn't even notice I stared at her. I clear my throat and blush._

"_I'm sorry, Katie. You look very pretty today." I whisper ashamed. _

"_Come with me." Katie says, and she pulls me with her too the park. She stopt at a tree._

"_Why are we here, Katie?" I ask curious as I was._

"_I wanna show you something." She just says and she pulls me on the ground._

"_Do you see these bruises in the tree?" She asks. I look at the tree and see some strange scrapes._

"_Yea, I see it." I say._

"_Every year, I put one scrape on this tree. But this time, I make two scrapes. Two after each other. Now we are friends forever." She makes two scrapes in the tree. _

"_I like it." I smile._

"_I like you, angel." She grins._

"_I like you too, little puppy." I hug her tightly._

x

Suddenly my voice is gone. What is she doing here? Did Tad notice her? "Ah, that's the girl where I was talking about." He says happily. "Katie…" Suddenly I can speak again. Tad looks questionly at me. "You already know her? Well, than you can introduce me to her." He happily takes my hand. I struggle and protest but it doesn't help. Before I know it, I stand before Katie. She looks a little taken back. I look shocked at her. "Well, introduce me to her, Jessie!" Tad says. I shake my head. "Hey!" Katie says. She looks confused. This can't be happening. She knows that I live here, right? Why didn't she stay away? This is painfull. "Katie." I say again. Katie frowns. It's like she doesn't know me anymore. Tad looks from me to Katie and scratches confused his head. I pull my arm out of Tad's hand and run away. As fast as I can. I need to get out of here. It doesn't matter that I'm skipping school anymore. "Jessie!" I hear Tad scream. I don't listen. When I turn left, I run into somebody. "Can't you watch out!" The girl yells. I stand up and mumble something that sounds like 'sorry'. "Sorry I just…I…" I don't know what to say. "You hide for someone. I know the feeling." She laughs. I smile back. "Yeah, but you don't know Katie." I say. Oops. Second time I said too much. "Okay, it's creepy if you mean Katie Singer." She chuckles. I turn red. "O god, it's her right." Her eyes go wide open. I nod. "Don't befriend that girl. She is a heartbreaker. She has charms. Just don't fall for it." She speaks fastly. I frown. What the heck did Katie do? She doesn't sound like the girl from seven years ago at all. I shake my head. "O god, is it already so bad?" she groans. I blush. I don't even know what I want from Katie, and this girl sounds like a sidekick. "I… I'm not in an relationship with her. Not that you have anything to do with that." I say softly. She frowns at me and gives me an sarcastic smile. She obviously doesn't believe me. Okay, where was I? O, right. I was running away. "I ehh, I have to go home." I say. She nods and says goodbye. I run, again, away. Where do I have to go? Suddenly I know it. Our tree. The place where I always cry if I'm sad. Before I know it, I'm in the park. Again, some memories hit me.

x

Flashback

_I try to find her. I search behind every tree but she isn't there. Then I realize it: Katie is gone and she never comes back. I sit down against the tree and tears _

_fall out of my eyes. They fall on the branches of the tree. Then I see something written in the tree. __**Jessie, I come back.**__ I smile. She comes back. I don't know _

_when, but I'll wait for her. I jump off the tree and with a breight smile, I walk back home._

_x_

It's still written in the tree. My eyes fill with tears. Maybe she came back for me. But she didn't say a word too me. Why? I sadly sigh. "You know, I don't even know why I'm here. I just walked this way and recognised you." I hear behind me. I turn around. Katie. "You're here!" I say happily. She looks confused at me. "Excuse me, but do I know you?" She asks softly. She doesn't know me anymore? What the heck? Tears fill my eyes. "I'm Jessie, your friend. Why do you act like you don't know me anymore? I know it's a while ago, but we are like soulmates." I say sadly. She looks apologizing at me. "Maybe I know you but I don't remember. I think it's because I had a hugh carcrash when I was little." She says. "What? And you don't remember things about your past life?" I ask concerned. She shrugs her shoulders. "I remember the important things. But I think that you were very important to me so I don't understand why I don't remember you." She says carefully. I grab her hand. She looks oddly to our linked hands. I'm disappointed. I thought she maybe remembered THIS, but she clearly doesn't. "Well… I have to go." I say sadly. I want to leave but she grabs my hand again. I look astonished at her. "Wait… Maybe if we do old stuff, I might remember things again." She says smiling. "Ehhm, yeah. Maybe." She really doesn't wanna know what we did in the past. She is changed. Maybe the girl is right and befriend Katie again is the wrong thing to do. But she looks so lost at me. I can't just send her away. "Well, okay. But you don't have to freak out." I say. "What's weird about friendly stuff?" She frowns. "Well… We did some weird things when we were kids. I don't even know why we did some things." I look shyly at the ground. "Let's do it. What do I have to do?" She grins. I shake my head. "This is gonna be crazy." I sigh.

x

Flashback

"_What are we gonna do, Katie?" I ask a little worried. "You'll see." She smiles. She pulls me in something that looks like a cave. "It's dark here." I complain. _

_Suddenly there shines a little light in the darkness. "Not anymore." She says. "So… why are we here?" I ask. "I brought music. I want you to hear it on a special _

_place. I thought this was pretty special." She grins. Crazy Katie. She just took me with her to play some music. Katie press a couple buttons and suddenly the _

_cave isn't that scary anymore. "Who is the singer?" I like the music so I wanna know. "It's Billie Holliday. She is mysterious… She makes you guess." She smiles _

_thoughtful. "I really like her." I say smiling. "She always wears a white gardenia in her hair. That's why I have this." She pulls a gardenia out of her pocket and _

_puts it in my hair. "Now you're my Billie." My body shivers as the says that. No one ever made me feel whole, but Katie certainly does. I hug her and she holds _

_me. "You never have to be sad, Billie. My arms will protect you." She whispers. I just close my eyes._

_ x_

"What's with the music?" Katie asks. I put Billie Holliday on. She frowns. I sigh. "I said this was gonna be weird. This was OUR music. We couldn't stop listening to it." I grab the gardenia, which I still have because I kept it dry, and show it to her. "And what's with the flower? I mean… I don't even know what kind it is." She looks confused again and I feel a bit helpless but I keep calm. "You gave it to me when I heard this music for the first time. I can't just throw it away." I look at the ground. I hear Katie sigh. "This must be hard for you. I feel stupid. Why can't my stupid brain just remember this?!" She cries frustrated. I pet her shoulder. "I think it's gonna work. We just have to keep going." I smile sweetly at her, but I feel lost. This isn't gonna work. I want my Katie back. "I'm gonna leave." She says carefully. She stands up and gives me a small hug. It's awkward and totally not like seven years ago. Then she walks away and says goodbye. I see compassion in her eyes. That hurts. I don't want her to feel sorry for me. It's just so damn confusing. With a small scream I land on my bed and bury my face in my pillow.

x

"So… What are we gonna do now?" Katie asks when we walk to school. "Just walk to school." I say slightly irritated. Katie stops walking. I turn around. "Come on, we're gonna be late." I roll my eyes. "Not like this. You snap at me the whole time today and I don't know why. I know it's hard for you but I can't help that I don't remember you, okay?" She says angrily. I turn red. "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just really sad about is." I say softly. Katie smiles and takes my hand. "Well, you're a sweet girl and I'm your friend again. Maybe it doesn't even mather that I don't remember the past." I look at her and nod. Altough I know that isn't the case. She HAS to remember the past. Too much things happened to simply forget about it. When we are in the school, I see Tad. He watches us with confused eyes. I can't blame him. The first day I run away from Katie, the next day I'm just walking too school with her. Tad's my friend. I didn't even call him to say I don't walk with him too school. I wave but he turns around. He's mad at me. Katie sees it. "You have to make up with him, you know. You two seem close. I don't wanna ruin that." She whispers. I nod sadly. "I talk to him after school." I sigh. The hours past by slowly. Katie doesn't say much because she doesn't know what to say too me. And again, I can't blame her. For her it's like she knows me for two days. I know her for YEARS! "You can go, you know." I say carefully. Katie turns her head fastly too me. I almost see relieve in her eyes. She nods. Then she hugs me again and walks away. I try to find Tad and soon I find him in the canteen. I tap on his shoulder. Tad turns around. "Hey…" I say timidly. He frowns and wants to turn around again but I grab his arm. "No. I want to explain." I beg him. He sighs and sits down in a chair. He pets on a chair beside him. I sit down. "I know Katie. I know her for a long, long time." Tad frowns again at this and wants to talk but I talk further. "She was my best friend when I was about aight. I ran away because she left me and I never heard of her again. Until now. I was scared, Tad. And I forgot to call you this morning. I'm sorry, okay? My brain is just totally shut down these days." Tad is quiet for a while but hugs me then. "I understand. You're such a dork, Jess. You had to tell me that! I thought I lost a friend!" He grins. "I'm sorry…" I start again. "No! Stop! Let's do something fun! I know a nice place where you can buy delicious icecream." Tad lifts me up and takes me on his back. I scream laughing. "Well, I really love icecream…" I laugh.

x


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone! First, I want to thank everyone whom reads my story. I want to update my story soon and it's a big help that y'all read it. I hope you'll like it. Second, please review! I'd like to hear some opinions.**

**This chapter is not very long, but I just can't concentrate on my writing. I didn't wanted to keep y'all waiting so, here it is. Its just that I keep thinking about Cory because I'm a big glee fan. I just have to say it here: RIP Cory Monteith.**

**x**

"Hey mom, do you know a girl named Jessie?" Katie asks her mom. Her mom turns around and walks nervously too the fridge. "Why are you asking that?" She asks. Her voice sounds cold now. "A girl says she knew me in the past, but I don't." Her mom shakes her head slightly. "No, I don't know a girl named Jessie." It is unsure if she lies. "Are you sure?" Katie asks carefully. Her mom sighs. It's like she isn't her mom anymore. She doesn't act like her when she says with an cold voice: "You have to shut up about this. Don't you ever talk or speak about that girl anymore. She's like her mom and she always will be." Then she walks away in hurry. Katie is speechless. What the heck just happened? Did her mom just admit that Jessie really was her friend?

x

"Do you know what happened with our moms in the past?" Katie asks me. "How do you know that something happened between the two?" I ask back. She sighs. "I wanted to know if my mom knew you, just to be sure. But she became angry at me and she wants me to never speak about you again. She also told me that you are like your mom." She looks at me carefully as if she feels guilty. I smile at her. "You're not guilty of anything, so don't look at me that way. About our moms: I don't know what happened but I know they were very angry at each other. My mom doesn't talk about it, either." We walk further in silence. "Why don't you ask it your mom?" Katie suddenly says. I shake my head. "No. The last time I did that, she became very angry and she told me that I could forget watching television. I could not watch TV for a week. Look, we just have to forget about that. You now know for sure that you knew me in the past, right?" I ask shyly. "Yes and I'm happy about that. I have some hope that I will remember everything in a while." She smiles. I nod relieved. Without a warning, she grabs my hand and squeezes it. I blush. It doesn't feel weird at all, now.

x

_We listen Billie Holliday again. I start humming. I don't even realize that I start singing a little, but when I see Katie looking at me, I fastly stop and turn red. "Why do you stop singing? I thought that it sounded really nice!" She says surprised. "Nah…" I know I can sing but It's really hard if someone listens to you. "O come on, sing a part." She begs. She looks at me with her big, watery eyes. I sigh. I can't resist that. I start moving with the music. She just smiles at me and sits down. When I start singing her face turns serious ans she locks her eyes with mine. I can't look away. I sing the whole song too her, for her. And I mean every word that I say. Suddenly I see a tear sliding of her cheek. I stop concerned. I crawl too her and put my arms around her. "What's wrong, Katie?" I whisper in her ear. "You're so magical, Jessie. And you don't even realize it." She sobs. I press a kiss on her forehead. "We are together magical, Katie. You don't realize that too." I grin. She brushes a hair from my face. "No, I do. I do realize we are magical together. But you don't know HOW magical." She looks sadly at the ground. I feel my heart break. "Well, how magical are we, Katie?" I say with a sad, soft voice. We lock eyes again and presses her lips for about a second against mine. "Magical like this." She whispers. I'm confused. What does Katie want from me? I don't know what that was but I liked it. I think I liked it. I KNOW I liked it. Right?_

_X_

How much I would give for that moment again. I sigh. Katie frowns. "What's wrong?" She asks. I blush. "Nothing, I was just daydreaming." I'm so disappointed that she doesn't remember those important moments. I'm afraid I can't hide that much longer anymore. Sooner or later I will break and maybe I'll be mad at her. She doesn't deserves that. I know. "Hey, look! That man there sings!" Katie jumps excitedly. I smile. It remembers me of the kangaroo moment we had in the past. "Oo, I wish we could sing like that." She sighs admiring. I roll my eyes. The guy doesn't sing very well at all. He's not pitch perfect and he's more screaming than actually singing. "He's pretty bad." I say honestly. She looks to me like I'm alien. "I think he sings very nice!" She says defending. I just shake my head. "Well, like you could sing better!" Katie laughs. "I do." I say offended. She just keeps on laughing. She almost rolls over the floor. "Okay, I'm going now. See you later." I madly turn around and walk away. Katie runs after me. She still giggles a little. "O come on, I didn't mean it offending." She says smiling. "Yeah, well, I think you did. I mean it when I say I see you later, Katie." I think I'm mostly mad because of the fact that she doesn't remember that she liked me singing. It hurts. "I'm sorry." She starts again. I shake my head. "No Katie, I need some space." Now I run. Again. Déjà vu. Katie doesn't comes after me anymore. And I'm glad she doesn't, to be honest.

Before I know it, I'm at home. When I slam the door behind me, my mom comes from the kitchen. "Hey honey, had a nice day?" She asks with happy eyes. O god, she met a new guy or something. I mumble something. When my mom starts whistle, I can't hold it anymore. "Well, who's the guy, mom." I sigh. She looks confused at me. "Which guy?" She asks. "O come on, mom. The last time you were happy, you met that French fireman guy. You dumped him when he said he wanted to voyage around the world. So, what's his name?" I want to be happy for mom, I do. But she always chooses the wrong guy. Since dad died, she's searching without success. I know she's sad but she never shows it. "Well… He's an architect. His name is Rick. He has two children, Grace and Zoë. Grace is a bit older than you, and Zoë a bit younger." She smiles. O god, the guy has children. Her mom really chooses the wrong guys. Mom sees my worried face. "They are all really kind, Jess. Give it a chance, okay?" I nod. I'm not sure about it but my mom looks happy, and she's not often happy. Mom wants to go to the kitchen again. "Katie's back." I say carefully. She turns around fastly and looks at me with big eyes. "Katie Singer?" Her voice trembles. I nod. "What's she doing here?" My mom starts walking around. "Mom, chill out. Please. I don't know what she's doing here but she lost her memories about us. She had a carcrash when she was a kid." I look at the ground. "Well, maybe that's the best. I mean, It's not fun for you but… She left, you know?" I hear some relieve in her voice. "She's my friend again, mom." I whisper. I hope that she didn't hear me but she looks suddenly angry at me. "What's the mather with you, Jess?! You know I can't get along with her mother. You can't get along with Katie, either!" She screams. "That's your problem, mom. You can't get along with Katie's mom, I know. But Katie's my friend and I can't miss her. Not again." My eyes fill with tears. Mom stops talking and hugs me. "God, Jess. I know It's unfair." She sighs. She strokes my hair. "Mom, what happened with you and her mom? You never talk about it. How can I ban Katie out of my life, when I don't know the reason?" I ask softly. "I can't tell you, Jess. It's hard to understand. I didn't believe it myself when I heard about it. So please don't ask me to do something I can't." She answers whispering. I pull away. "You ALWAYS talk like this when I ask you something. You never tell me a thing! I have to know! Tell me, I have the right to know!" I scream madly. Mom looks a bit taken back. She shrugs her shoulders. "No, Jessie." She mumbles sadly. "Is it about Katie or did something happen between you and her mom? Please, answer this at least!" I beg her. It's silent for a while. "It was something about Katie that isn't good for you." Then she walks away. I stay behind astonished.

x

"I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't thought about the risks when I said you couldn't sing like him." Katie looks apologising at me. I sigh. "You're almost making me mad again! I can sing, you know." Katie looks surprised. "Yeah, next week I participate in a song game." I smile. "O god, kill me now…" She groans. I laugh. "No, I was a bit grumpy the last day. You can't know that I can…" I shut down. It's silent again. "Did I like you sing?" She asks carefully. I nod. "You was the one that heard me sing for the first time." I say softly. "O… Well, I'll come next week. I'm curious." She smiles. I blush again. "My mom told me something yesterday." I begin. She frowns. "About what happened between your mom and my mom?" She asks. I nod. "Well, what did she say?" She asks curiously. I sigh. "Not much. But she said something about a thing of you that wasn't good about me." Katie starts coughing. "What, do you know what she's talking about?" I say astonished. She turns red. "No…" She says blushing. I frown. Not a chance that I believe her. "God, Katie… Tell me please!" I say irritated. "I can't tell you." She mumbles. She doesn't look at me anymore. I try to catch her gaze but she avoids it. "Katie…" I start. "No! I can't! Jess, I'd like to be your friend but some things are secrets." She looks sadly now. "But we are friends and friends tell each other everything…" I mumble. "Why won't you tell me?" She shakes her head. "You wouldn't understand…" A tear slides from het cheek. I want to remove it with my tumb but she steps back. "Don't…" Then she runs away. And again, I'm left speechless.

X

"Well, this is Grace and this little girl is Zoë." My mom looks at me with an happy expression. I look a bit awkward to Grace and shake her hand. "Well, hi." I say. I really didn't expected that my mom would bring Rick AND his kids. Grace smiles at me and Zoë turns out to be an hyperactive child. She keeps jumping on my back. "Zoe, don't be so annoying to Jessie. She doesn't knows you very well, yet." Rick laughs. I can't laugh about it. What is this? I don't want to meet those people! I look angry at my mom. She just frowns. I keep thinking about Katie. Why was she so angry? What is her secret? It can't be anything good. The worst thing is that even my mom knows it and she also doesn't wants to tell me. "Hey Jessie, shall we play Monopoly?" Zoe asks enthusiastic. I'm not in the mood but I have to do something, so I nod. Zoe jumps to the closet and pulls the door open. Even that irritates my like hell. She's pulling MY closet open. Like this is her home already.

During the game, the irritations fly around. Grace and Zoe almost kill each other because of some cheating and I don't know what to do. I stand up fastly and run upstairs. There I run into my room and slam the door behind me. I know it's impolite but I just don't have feelings by those people. The only one I want to see right now, is Katie. I open my window and step outside. It's risky but if I have to, I do it. And with that thought, I run into the darkness to an certain street.

X

**The next chapter comes this week! Thanks for reading, everyone. I really appreciate it (:**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello everyone! This is the third chapter! Sorry for my grammar and stuff, but like y'all know: I'm Dutch and my English might be bad. But I'm 14 so I think it's quite well. Well: Thanks for reading and have a really nice day!**

When I arrive in her street, I'm out of breath and I fall almost on the ground. Her house is on the left, number seven. I stand before her house and the doubts start. Why do I have to go to Katie and not to Tad? This is worthless.

About ten minutes later (I was not brave enough to nok on the door yet) ,the door opens. I fastly turn my head to the door. It's Katie's mom. She still looks the same as seven years ago. But now, she has an look of hatred on her face. "What are YOU doing here?" She asks coldly. I get nervous. This is worser than I thought. "I… I want to speak to Katie." My voice trembles. She shakes her head. "I don't want you near my daughter, Jessie. It was stupid from me that I moved to this place again. I know that. But I want you to avoid us. We will do that too." Her voice is still filled with hate and abomination. "I don't know why you are so angry at me, miss." Crap, I sound like an afraid little lamb or something. "Your mom talked very bad about my daughter and I can't forgive her for that." She speaks again. "But what do I have to do with that?" I ask confused. "Everything, girl. Everything." With those words, she slams the door behind her.

X

"Mom, maybe Jessie's different." Katie says to her mom carefully. Her mom starts laughing sarcastically. "Do you really believe that? Come on, Katie. She's like a little princess." She laughs. Katie turns red. "She's not like the other kids, mom." Katie says softly. She looks immediately to the ground. "I think you should know why I'm angry at her mom and her." Her mom says. Katie nods. "Finally!" She cries out. "Sit down." Her mom orders. Katie fastly sits down on a chair. Her mom starts speaking. "It all began when you said to me you were gay. I was totally fine with that, you know that now. The troubles started when you said you were falling for your best friend, Jessie. I told that by accident to Karen, Jessie's mom. It would be fine if she didn't totally freaked out. She told me that you're an horrible person and god would be ashamed by you. Her daughter would never be friends with an dyke. That's when I became furious. I told her I never wanted to see her again. That hurted because she was my best friend, but I had to protect you. I moved away because of that. I still don't understand why we're back here. However, everything went fine until Jessie showed up, a few minutes ago. Now I'm totally lost, to be honest." Her mom looks worried. Katie grabs her hand and squeezes it. "It's okay. I will be carefull. I promise." She says. Her mom smiles doubting.

X

"O come on, you had the chance, sucker!" Tad screams at the television while we watch an football game. His popcorn almost falls of the couch I smile and pet his back. "It will be fine, Tad." I laugh. Tad grumbles. "No it doesn't." He really reacts like a little kid who didn't got what he wanted. "So, how are things with Felice?" I ask. He looks angry at me. "Do we really have to talk about that NOW? I'm not in the mood!" He points at the TV. "Well, I don't hear much about her, lately." I say softly, trying to not make Tad angry. "That's not very surprising, because I broke up with her." Tad says, like it happens every day. "What?! Why? She was the best thing that ever happened to you!" I scream shocked. "Well. Thank you for your support." Tad says sarcastically. He rolls his eyes. "What do I otherwise have to say about it? You were lucky with a girlfriend like her." I'm shocked of his behaviour. Tad looks at me. "Wow you look at me like I'm an alien or something." He laughs. I don't laugh with him. "I can't believe you." I get up. Tad grabs my hand. "Hey, where are you going? The game isn't over yet!" She says confused. "You. Broke. Up. With. Felice!" I scream. "She was cheating on me." Tad says sadly. My anger falls. "Jeesh. I didn't knew Felice could do things like that." I sigh. "Me neither." Tad says softly. I hug him. "I'm sorry." I say quietly. "It's okay. By the way: Do you take medicine or something? You're a bit angry lately. Like, all the time." Tad laughs. I slam him against his arm. "That's because you can turn my mood from happy to irritated." I tease. "That's so not true! And how are things betweet you and that hot Katie girl?" Tad almost drools. I slam him again. "Ow! Why did you do that!" He looks hurted to me. I laugh. "You just deserved it. About your question: Katie has a secret and she won't tell me. And her mom said to me that I have to avoid her. So I don't know what to do." I sigh. Tad nods. "Well, you never have to listen to adults. Well… I don't do that. I hope you get my point. He winks. I smile. "You're right. I'm an idiot that I just left like a scared deer." It's silent for a while. "Well, now we are finished talking… I really want to see this game." Tad begs. I grab my popcorn. "Well, let's watch it then."

X

"_Mommy, do friends kiss you on the lips?" I asked confused. My mom looked horrified at me. "Ofcourse not, honey. Who told you that?" I looked at the ground. "I think Katie's mom tells that." I said quietly. my mother gripped me at my shoulders. "Why do you think that, Jessie? Did something happen?" She asked. I nervously shaked my head. "Jess?" She asked again. I started crying. "She did, mommy. She did!" I sniffled. My mom looks disgusted at me. "Go to your room, Jessie. I have things to do." When I walked to my room, I heard my mom on the phone. "Come here, right now! And don't bring that crazy daughter of yours!"_

_X_

The memory punches me in the face. Why didn't I remembered that? Did they fight because of… O god. That's horrible. Is Katie gay? That can't be. She can get all the guys if she wants to. Is she… Was she in love with me? IS she in love with me? I have to talk to Katie.

After an half hour search, I find Katie. She's talking to a girl I don't know. I tap on Katie's shoulder. She turns around. "Hey…" I say nervously. "Hi." She smiles. "Can I… Can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask. "Well… Sure. By the way, this is Emma." I look at the girl next to her. "Hi." I say a bit disturbed. Emma just smiles and focuses on Katie again. "I'm right back, Em." I see her wink at her. My stomage turns. Suddenly I feel sick. Why? I don't know. It's almost like I'm… Jealous. O come on, Jess. Get back on your feet. You're not gay. You're just an supporting friend who wants to say to Katie that she's fine with it. I pull Katie with me to the toilets. I look around and close the door behind me. "Where do you want to talk about?" Katie asks concerned. "Is it true?" I ask carefully. "What is true?" Katie gets nervous. "That you're gay." I say. Katie steps back and turns red. It's quiet for a moment. Then Katie nods. "It is. I'm sorry. If you don't want to be friends anymore… I would totally understand it." I see her tear up. I walk to her. She looks frightened at me. Then I pull her into an hug. "You're my friend and I accept you. I will never walk away from you." I whisper. She sobs. "Thank you." She whispers back. We stand there for a few minutes. Then I pull back and smile at her. "Come, we're going back." I take her hand and pull her out of the toiletroom. "Emma!" Katie smiles at the girl who's still waiting for her. Emma smiles back at her. "Katie, are we going to shop yet? I'm pretty bored." She asks. Katie smiles and nods. I feel shutted out. Katie turns back to me. "Ehh, you can come if you want but…" She looks nervously. It's obvious that she doesn't expect me to come. I shake my head disappointed. "Well… I've gotta go." Katie grabs Emmas hand. "Bye, Jessie!" She waves smiling at me. "Yeah, bye…" I say quietly.

X

"Mom?" It's now or never. "Yes, sweety?" Mom asks smiling. "Are you homophobic?" I ask. My mom turns red. "Why do you think that?" She asks nervously. "Because that's the reason you're angry at Katie's mom." I look angry at her. "How could you? You always learned me that everyone is equal, no mather what we are. So what's this? I can't believe it!" I scream frustrated. My mom tries to hug me but I push her away. "Don't touch me!" I cry. "Jess… Please…" My mom begs me. I shake my head. "I would understand it if you were shocked at first when you heard it, but you called her names, mom. You made her feel horrible." I tear up. "O come on Jess…" Mom sighs. "WHAT ''COME ON JESS?'' WHY WOULD I LISTEN TO YOU?!" I'm furious now. "WHAT SHOULD I'VE DONE THEN, HMM? LET HER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU, WHAT MEANS THAT SHE TURNS YOU INTO A LESBIAN?!" My mom screams back at me. That's it. I run to my room and grab some stuff to put into my suitcase. When I'm ready, I grab my suitcase and walk downstairs. "What are you doing?" It's obvious that my mom cried. "Somewhere else." I say coldly. When I walk outside, I hear my mom scream. "How dare you to leave me? You're an disgrace!" I just smile and walk away.

X

"Hey Jess!" Tad says when he opens the door for me. Then he sees my suitcase. He frowns. "What's with the suitcase?" He asks. "Ehh… I wanted to ask you if I could stay here for a while." I say a bit ashamed that I didn't asked him before I came. "Well… I don't really have a choice, do I?" Tad grins. I shrug my shoulders. "I have to ask my parents first but I think they will be okay with it. Don't worry." He runs away and after a while he comes back with a huge smile. "Come in! You're my guest now!" I sigh relieved. "Okay. Now I have to know why you're here." Tad grabs my suitcase and takes it upstairs. I follow him and sit on his bed. "Stuff with my mom…" I sigh. Tad sits next to me. "Cool! I wanna hear everything about it. Wait, I'll get the popcorn." Tad runs away once more and is back in no time. "Why are you such a popcorn freak? It's weird." I laugh. "Yeah… I don't know. It's just so cool. You put it in the microwave and suddenly it's… tasty." I roll my eyes at his statement. "Well? Tell me about your mom. It's about Katie, right?" Tad eats his popcorn. "Yeah, I told my mom about how she did against Katie. She didn't even denied. She totally freaked out so I grabbed my stuff and… Well, now I'm here." I grab some popcorn from Tad. "Parents…" Tad sighs. I smile. "Yes, parents…"

"Good night, Jess." Tad says. "I will have a really good night if you don't snore or touch me while you're sleeping." I grumble. We sleep in the same bed tonight. Tads parents aren't worried about sex and stuff, because they know we are friends and nothing more. I think that's cool because my mom would never let us do that. Although she knows we are just friends. Sometimes I think she doesn't trusts me or someting. I hear Tad snore already. I sigh. This is going to be a really long night.

X

The next day. I walk to school. I haven't slept last night since Tad kept me awake with his snoring. "Jessie! Why didn't you wait for me?" Tad comes run along. …And Katie didn't even came to take me to school. "Sorry, I'm in a hurry." I lie. He frowns. "Why? School doesn't start till about half an hour!" I shrug my shoulders. I don't wanna talk right now. I'm mad at Katie and the sleepless night doesn't work either. When I walk on the school square I see something that I don't wanna see in ten million years. "I wanna leave." I beg Tad. Tad looks over my shoulder and looks understanding at me. He hugs me tightly. "I'm sorry, Jess." He says. "I just wanna get out of here." I say without any emotions. Tad grabs my hand and pulls me with him. I don't think I could ever get the image of Katie kissing Emma out of my head.

**Thanks for reading! I now think about how I go further with this story because I don't have a clue at the moment…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry for not updating. I went through some difficult few weeks (someone I know got hit by a car. She's just a child and it's just horrible…) so please forgive me. I hope your vacation went well. I'm really pissed off that the school started again! By the way: Thank you all for reviewing. I thought that nobody liked this story so was a bit worried. And this chapter is not very long, but I tried.**

**Katie:**

There are a few things in life that you don't really expect. This is such a moment. I really didn't knew that Emma would kiss me and I didn't realize it until her lips were already a few seconds on mine. I push her away. "What the hell, Emma?" I cry. She looks shocked at me. "I-I thought you wanted it." She stutters. Why the heck would I want it? We talked about a project on school and the next time I know she pushed her lips on mine. "And what made you think that?" I scream angrily. Maybe this is unfair. I know. But I'm so not in love with her. I see a tear sliding out of her eye. I feel guilty already. "O, Em… I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so harsh on you. But why? Do you have feelings for me or something?" I ask gently. I step forward and take her hand in mine. She's still my friend. "You don't?" Her voice is small, and fearfull. I look at her for a few seconds and shake my head. She starts sobbing. I place my arm around her. "Shh, it's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine." I soothe. She shakes her head. "I have to go." She stands up and runs away. O god, why is my life so freaking weird? I start crying.

**Jessie:**

"O come on, Jess. You have to get out! You can't stay in there forever. You'll die if you don't eat or drink." Tad begs. I refuse to go out of the closet (how erotic). "O, how much I wish I died right now." I snarl. I hear Tad sigh. "You don't mean that. Please get out. What if I cook your favorite meal? You can't resist lasagna!" I appreciate his concern but I could really slap him in the face right now. "I can't eat a thing right now. Can you just leave me alone? Please?" My voice trembles. It's quiet for a while behind the closetdoor. "If you want me to leave, I'll leave. But don't you think that I'll forget about you!" I hear him walk away, and after a few seconds, the door closes behind him. I smile. Tad is sweet and a real friend. I think I really would die without him. And I think the same way about Katie. I start crying. What did I expect? That Katie would run in my arms and we would have a happily ever after? We were KIDS when it happened! And it was just a peck on the lips after all. So why am I this heartbroken? And why am I even talking to myself? "Ehh, Jessie? There is someone for you." I hear Tad saying. Is he still here? That stupid bastard. "And why are you still here?" I snarl. "Jeesh, Jess. Did you really think I just leave you here? Hell to the no." He chuckles a little. "So who is it?" I ask curiously. "It's me…" That voice… Katie? And why is she crying? I am the one who's supposed to cry! But I can't just ignore her sadness, so I push the closetdoor open. There are two faces looking at me. Tads surprised face and Katie's red face with puffy eyes from crying. "I-I'm so sorry for coming here. I just leave." Katie wants to turn around but I grab her hand. "Don't you think about that!" I say and I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry for ignoring you." I hear her sobbing. "Don't worry about that." I soothe. She shakes her head in protest. "No, I mean really, really sorry. It must be horrible." She places a kiss on my hair. I blush. What if Katie feels my heartbeat? "Ehh, I'm gonna leave now." Tad says awkwardly. I didn't even knew he was still in the room. I nod at him. While he leaves, I pull Katie next to me on my bed. It's silent for a while. I wait for Katie to speak. She takes a long breath and starts talking. "She kissed me." Now I have to look shocked but I look sadly at her. "I know." I say gently. She turns her head fastly at me and frowns through her tears. "What? How?" She asks confused. "I was early at school…" I look at the ground. "Is that why you were in the closet?" She grins a bit. "What? No! Ofcourse not!" I lie. "So why were you?" She asks. Think, Jessie! Think! "I had a fight with Tad." O god, I'm a horrible liar. She frowns. "A fight? What happened?" She asks curiously. I turn red. Shit. "He called me fat." I mumble. It's silent for a while. Suddenly Katie starts laughing. I look shocked at her. "You? Fat? I think he means anorexia!" She starts laughing harder. My body starts shivering. When Katie sees I'm not laughing with her, she looks concerned at me. "O god, you really have it, do you?" She looks guilty. I nod and tear away from her. "Shit. I'm so sorry, Jessie. I don't know a lot of you, you know?" Tears fill my eyes. "I wish you did." My voice cracks.

X

_Flashback:_

_I'm fat. I'm miserable. Nobody likes me. You just have to ask a kid on school and they say I'm a loser. A fat, ugly loser. I push my finger angrily in my throat breach, and vomit runs trough it. I look self-satisfied in the toilet. I did it again. One step further to a beautiful me._

_That's what I thought. But when I walked through the hallways of the school, I was reminded of the fact that I'm a fatty. I'm lonely. I don't have friends. Like I said: Nobody likes me. "Hey Jessie, are you thinking of your imaginary friend again? Guys! Katie is back!" A muscular boy screams at me. A few kids laugh at me and someone shoves me against the lockers. "Hey, I'm Katie. Shall we play?" The boy that pushed me laughs and kicks me in my abdomen. Tears fill my eyes. I run through the hallways and run through the doors. Before I know it I'm at my doorstep, push the key in the key breach and run upstairs. That's where my parents find me a few hours later, on the floor a puddle pool of vomit, with a picture of Katie and me in my hand._

X

Katie grabs my hands. "Is it because of me?" She asks gently. "You're a part of the reason, yes. But it's also because of me being ugly." I sigh. Katie looks shocked at me. "You? Ugly? You're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met in my entire life." Her hand caresses my cheek. She blushes slightly. That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me. I start talking about something different. The reason why Katie's here in the first place. "What about Emma kissing you?" Not that I want to know. Not that I'm jealous or something. Her face becomes pale. "O right, that. Well, I pushed her away. And now I'm feeling so very much guilt." Her eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about that with you. You already have so much to worry about." She sighs sadly. "No, Just talk to me. I can handle it." I say genly. No I don't. I can't handle it. "Okay… Well, I am friends with her since a week or something and she's really fun and I like her very much. We work on a project together and that goes very well. But I think I gave her the wrong signals. You had to see her face, Jess. Totally devastated. I don't know what to do. I don't have feelings for her…" She looks desperately at me. I bite my bottom lip. "Just talk to her. Tell her that you still care about her and that you don't want to lose her friendship." Well, that sounded good. No blushing, no nervousness. "But how? When? I'm scared." She stand up and starts walking around. "Write a letter to her. Tell her your feelings. You don't have to look her in the eyes if you don't want to. Writing is a good solution for panic-attacks." I mumble. "I DON'T HAVE PANIC-ATTACKS!" Katie screams fearfully. I roll my eyes. "Yeah, right." I start laughing. "Oh, so now are you the one that starts laughing?" She looks amused at me. "I'm sorry, It's just… Your face!" I laugh harder. Katie walks to me and starts tickling me. "Aaah! Katie!" I laugh and I pin her down on the bed. I'm panting. I look down. Our faces are just a few inch from each other. She smiles gently at me. My heart beats in my throat and my face comes closer, and closer, and closer to Katie's. She looks at me with her eyes wide open in shock. When our lips almost touch each other, I pull away. I jump up. "Okay, you're gonna write a letter, right?" I stumble in my words. Katie looks confused at me. Her face is pale "Yeah, right. Writing." She mumbles. She stands up. "I think I'm leaving now." She gives me a hug and her eyes lock on mine for a moment. Then she walks away fastly. O god, what have I done?

X

**Katie: **

_She just tried to kiss me._ That's what Katie's thinking the whole way back home. It had to be a moment of sympathy, right? There is no way that Jessie's gay. Her mom was the reason why my mom wanted to move. But Jessie's not like that. She's kind and understanding. She's not a homophobe. And she's far to beautiful to be gay. Wait. What? Why do I say something like that? It's not that I like Jessie. It's just true that Jessie's beautiful. And it's horrible that she doesn't sees that herself. Her smile lights up the world, like the sun does. Her kindness is heartwarming. Everytime she looks me in the eyes, my heart stops beating for a second. And I want to protect her if someone starts laughing at her at school. But I ignored her. Because of what? I'm afraid of something. I don't know why. I take my phone and look at the background. Me and Jessie hugging each other and smiling brightly. It was a few weeks ago. A few days before I started avoiding her. A shiver runs down my spine. Shit. I have feelings for my friend.

X

**Jessie:**

After an hour, I still sit on my bed, shocked. I'm not gay. I don't like girls. I've always liked boys, right? Well, I've never had a boyfriend. But that doesn't mean that I will never have a boyfriend, right? I sweep away some sweat. I have to talk to someone. The only one I can talk to right now is the one that I send away without even saying goodbye. A guilty feeling submerges me. I pick up my phone. I smile softly at the picture on my background. Me and Katie smiling in the camera. My smile faints when I think about what happened today. I search for the good number and press on Call. The other person accepts the call almost immediately. I sigh relieved. "Tad? I have done something really, really bad." I start sobbing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! **** I think I know how I want to end this story, so I'm writing again. I found an old story from myself and mixed it a bit with this one. I hope it's gonna turn out well. Have a fun time reading it and have a great day! Though school isn't fun at all. Really miss the vacation.**

**Jessie:**

"Jeesh, Jess. What's wrong? You look horrible!" Tad says shocked. I look at him with puffy eyes. He wraps his arms around me. "Is it about Katie? What did she do to you?" He sounds a bit angry. I shake my head. "S-she didn't… I did something wrong." I sob. Tad hugs me even more. "What happened?" He asks quietly. "I think I tried to kiss her." I say disgusted by myself. Tad nods slowly, like he tries to progress the information in his head. "And why did you?" The question hits me like a kick in the stomach. Why did I? I didn't even thought about that. It's just that she's so beautiful and everytime I look at here, I can't help myself from smiling. And everytime she talks, the butterflies in my stomach don't seem to rest anytime soon. There is a reason why I have butterflies. "I have feelings for her." I choke out. I said it. I did it. I'm finally honest to myself. Tad smiles. "I'm proud of you. I knew it already, I really did. It's just the way you look at her. When you came out of the closet the time she cried next to me, I suddenly felt like I had to give you two some private time. But I don't know if I have to feel guilty right now that I left, or that I have to feel proud because I made you realize that you're gay." He shrugs. "I'm not gay." I protest. He frowns. "But you just said…" He stops talking. "Yeah, but I can't be gay. My mom… I don't wanna lose my mom. She's the only family I have." I feel myself tear up again. Tad grabs my hand and queezes it. He shakes his head smiling. "Wrong. I'm your family. My whole family is your family." I look at the ground. "You don't understand. I have to give up on Katie, Tad. It's really nice of you to say things like that, but I want my real family, too. You just have to accept that, okay?" I know I mean the things I say, but it still hurts like hell. I can't see Katie again. If I do, I'm afraid what would happen. I don't think I have the strenght to pull away next time. Tad looks at me sadly. I know it's because he feels sorry about me. And though I hate it normally, I feel suddenly sorry for myself, too.

X

"Emma? I have to talk to you." Now I stand behind Emma, I feel suddenly insecure. What if I have regret after this? Emma turns around and frowns at me. "What do you want?" She snaps. Okay, It's almost like she knows about my feelings for Katie because she sounds jealous like hell. "I want to talk to you for a second." I murmle. I see that Emma's unsure. I don't blame her. Why would the friend of the person she's in love with want to talk with her? "Ehhm, well. Okay. But my next lesson starts in about five minutes." She looks on her watch. I smile and nod. "It's not like it takes forever or something." I pull her with me to a corner. "Well, what do you want to talk about?" She's nervous, I can tell. I think Emma's a really sweet person if you know her, but I can't help myself from feeling pure hatred towards the girl standing before me. "I know about your feelings for Katie." I say gently. I see her face fall. "Ow." She looks shocked at me. I put my hand on her shoulder. Why the fuck do I do that? Bite me now. Emma frowns as the looks to my hand on her shoulder. To intimate, I know. "I want you to know that I'm totally fine with it. So I say: go for it, girl!" I place a fake grin on my face. Emma's mouth falls open. O god, this is embarrassing. "Well, that's really nice of you… I think… But she doesn't like me that way." Emma blushes. I want to hit her in the face but I hold myself back. "Try harder. There's a prom this friday. Maybe you can talk to her there." I wink at her and her face becomes pale. "I don't think I'm good at things like that. I'm shy, you know." She says. I roll my eyes. I can't help myself. I CAN show some irritation, right? It's a free world. "Girl, you're pretty and very cute. So she can't NOT like you. You really have to ask her to dance and she's so turned on by you." I almost throw up at saying those words. Not that it is a lie that Emma's cute. She's just TO cute. But the 'turned on' part was really hard to say. And I can't say I would be turned on by this little, shy girl. She's more like a little sister or something. I laugh at that. Emma frowns. "What's wrong?" She asks curiously. I shake my head, still laughing. "It's nothing." I say. The bell rings through the hallways. "I have to go. Math." She says hurriedly. I smile at her as she grabs her bag, gives me a small wave and leaves. As soon as she's out of my sight, my smile drops. It's replaced by sadness. I DO regret this. But I'm proud of myself. I just did the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

X

I almost forgot about the singing contest that's coming up. I have been practicing for a few days. It was good for me because I didn't really thought about Katie a lot these days. Now, I'm here. Behind the stage. It's almost time for me to shine. I'm nervous. I did this once and it didn't turn out well. People started bullying me. I was the 'loser with the voice'. That's because I was to nervous to sing and I choked. I don't know why I do this again. Maybe because I want to prove myself something: I'm just the way I am, and I don't let anyone change me. I smile to myself in the mirror. I can do this. Then I hear my name. It's time. I breath in and out, and walk to the stage. A moment later, I'm standing with a microphone in my hand. The music starts. Everything around me suddenly isn't important anymore. I start singing and I'm in heaven.

X

**Katie:**

I promised her to come and I did. And I don't know what I'm hearing. She sounds like an angel.

_**Them that's got shall get  
Them that's not shall lose  
So the Bible said and it still is news  
Mama may have, Papa may have  
But God bless the child that's got his own  
That's got his own  
**_

Something inside me becomes weak. Her personality is beautiful. Her voice is beautiful. SHE's beautiful.

_**Yes, the strong gets more  
While the weak ones fade  
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade  
Mama may have, Papa may have  
But God bless the child that's got his own  
That's got his own**_

There is something about this song. I don't know what it is. It makes me feel whole. But why?

_**Money, you've got lots of friends  
Crowding round the door  
When you're gone, spending ends  
They don't come no more  
Rich relations give  
Crust of bread and such  
You can help yourself  
But don't take too much  
Mama may have, Papa may have  
But God bless the child that's got his own**_

I listen to her and let the words sunk in. Then something unexpected hits me. I remember. I remember her. I remember the past.

X

_Flashback_

"_Katie, help me." Jessie screams frightened. I'm on the other side of the playgarden and I hear her. I turn around and see some guys standing around her. They are a lot older than them. Without thinking I run towards her and stand protectively before her. "Keep your dirty hands away from her, jerks." I growl angrily. The boys frown and laugh. "Look at that little piece of shit. She tries to protect her pathetic friend." One of the boys laugh. I hear Jessie sob behing me. I grab her hand and squeeze it, my eyes still angrily on the boys. "Go away." I scream. The boy walks towards me and I push Jessie away. I don't want her to get hurt. The kicks that the boy give me hurt like hell. He slams me like I'm a punchbag. After a few seconds, he stops and he and his friends walk away like nothing happened. "Katie?" I see Jessie's tear-filled eyes hanging above me. I lie on the ground and can't move. My legs and arms hurt. "I love you." Jessie says, smiling, while tears stream down her face. I hear an ambulance in the background. "I love you too, Billie." I smile before I'm placed on a stretcher. _

X

**Jessie:**

When I open my eyes, I see a standing ovation before me. An applause for me. I smile and a tear streams down my face. I missed this. It's awesome to be populair for once. I bow in front of the audience, and walk off the stage. My smile drops as I see Katie behind the corner, looking at me with a big smile. It's quiet for a while but then she walks towards me and gives me a hug. "You were unbelievable good! I'm só proud of you." I melt into her arms. I shouldn't do that but it feels so save. "Thank you." I whisper. I feel something wet in my neck. Tears? Is Katie crying? I pull away worriedly. "What's wrong?" I ask. "It's just… You're wonderfull, Jess. And I have to tell you something." She smiles. Just at the time she wants to start talking, I hear my name again. I have to go on the stage to hear if I won. "Sorry, have to go. But I talk to you later, okay?" Before she can say anything back, I'm already gone. I can't talk to Katie. I told myself I never wanted to talk to her again because I can't handle that. I walk on the stage and wait. And then it's time. I won. I won for the first time in my life. I can't help myself from tearing up. I grab my prize and hold it above my head. People smile at me. I'm also smiling. I did it. My mom would be so proud of me. My mom. She's the reason why I can't just fall in love with Katie. I can't lose her. But am I ready to ban Katie out of my life?

**Song I used in this chapter: Billie Holiday - God bless the child**


End file.

Once and Again, Drama, Romance