Once and Again 1. Chapter 1

_Black &White Testimonial- _

_Jessie: "Sometimes I think about what it would be like to be a little kid again. Summer was something to look forward to and it flew by fast. The only decision I had to make was what kind of treat I wanted from the ice cream truck. I had no concept of time, no guilt, no confusion, no worries about anything. Things were simple." _She pauses a moment _"But then again, if I were a kid, I wouldn't know what it was like…to care so deeply…about something. To have something to look forward to. To feel…I don't know…alive? Nervous? Happy? Maybe growing up isn't as bad as everyone else makes it out to be. But then again, what do I know? I'm just a teenager."_

Jessie sat playing with a loose thread on her sweater. She appeared to be solely focused on that piece of fabric, but she was actually in another place and time at the moment. And she failed to realize that her thoughts were bringing a conspicuous smile to her face.

"You're smiling."

Jessie looked up as her fingers let go of the thread. "Huh?"

"I said you're smiling," repeated Dr. Rosenfeld.

"Am I?" asked Jessie.

"It appears that way."

"Sorry." Jessie looked down at her sweater again. She wanted to roll up the sleeves, as it was becoming increasingly hotter by the minute. "Well, I guess I'm happy."

"That's what a smile usually indicates. What are you happy about?" asked Dr. Rosenfeld.

Jessie began to tug at the sleeves of her sweater. "You know…"

"I'm not a mind-reader. Enlighten me."

"Katie comes back tomorrow," said Jessie, almost in a whisper.

"Is that where you were just now? Thinking about Katie?"

"I don't know…maybe," answered Jessie, but they both knew it was a definite yes.

"So what's going on with you two?"

Jessie looked up again. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we skipped last month's session. Last I heard, she was spending the summer in Wisconsin with her family."

"Yeah. She's got relatives out there."

"And she comes back tomorrow?" asked Dr. Rosenfeld.

"Yeah."

"Have you spoken to her since she left?"

"Of course. I mean, we talk every day. On the phone, through email…whatever way we can."

"And you miss her?"

Jessie nodded and looked back down. For some reason, the intricate weaving of the material on her sweater was way more comforting to look at right now. She smiled to herself thinking of Dr. Rosenfeld's question. Of course she missed Katie. She missed her every day. She never thought she'd be so happy that school was starting up again soon. That meant summer was over and Katie was finally coming back. The trip to Wisconsin was sort of a last minute thing Katie's parents sprung on her right when school got out. The girls had just recovered from the scare that Jessie might have to move to Australia. But when her dad was offered another job here, he opted for that one and the family stayed where they were. With the new baby coming, Rick decided it wasn't the best time to uproot the entire family. So Jessie and Katie had dodged that bullet and made plans to spend the entire summer together. Until Katie's grandmother, who lived in Wisconsin, fell ill and her parents decided to spend the summer there and spend time with her before it was too late. It had been the longest two and a half months Jessie had ever endured. But Katie was worth it. Worth waiting for. And Jessie couldn't wait to see her face again.

_Black and White: -__Jessie smiles and looks away from the camera.-_

"So she makes you happy."

Jessie nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess she does. Uh…does that mean I'm cured? You know, since I'm happy now?"

"Do you want to be cured?"

Jessie shrugged. "I sort of like coming here. It helps."

"Well, I'm glad. But Jessie, you really don't need to be 'cured' of anything."

"I thought anorexia was an illness."

"It is. But it's not a matter of 'take two of these and call me in the morning.' It's an ongoing struggle. And not just the anorexia. Your self-esteem issues, your shyness. It's all a constant battle. And you've been throwing punches with the best of them. You've been making excellent progress. Katie seems to be playing a big part in your recovery."

"I talk about her a lot, huh?" asked Jessie.

"I think I know everything about her except the exact time she was born and her least favorite Beatle," said Dr. Rosenfeld.

"3:36pm and Ringo," answered Jessie.

Dr. Rosenfeld smiled to himself and shook his head. "So you two are doing well, then?"

"I guess."

"Are you officially…together?" he asked, trying not to sound overly curious or threatening in any way. He understood how delicate the situation was and knew how sensitive Jessie was about it.

"I don't really know. I mean, we never really got a chance to talk about it before she left. We discussed it a little bit at Jake and Tiffany's wedding, but I guess we assumed we'd have the whole summer to figure it out."

"What about your phone conversations?"

Jessie didn't know how to answer that, so she just shrugged. Their emails and phone conversations were always kept innocent. They'd talk about anything and everything except their romantic relationship. They both desperately wanted to discuss it, but neither of them knew how to bring it up.

"And your parents still don't know what's going on?"

Jessie sighed. "_I_ don't even know what's going on. How can I tell them what I don't know?"

"But you like her."

"Yeah."

"And she likes you."

"Yeah."

"Sounds pretty cut and dry to me."

"But there are other things to consider. It's…complicated."

"It's always complicated. Nothing worth having is ever easy. I'm sure you heard that before," said Dr. Rosenfeld.

Jessie sighed again. "So…I'm making progress, huh?"

"Yeah. And I know a subject change when I see one. Has it come to this? Have you actually grown weary of talking about Katie Singer? Have you really run out of things to say about her?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. This guy always knew how to get a rise out of her. But as her thoughts fell upon Katie once more, she felt a nervous excitement in her stomach just thinking of tomorrow. She was finally going to get to see her again. And as flashes of Katie's face came to mind, the corners of her mouth unconsciously started curling up again. This did not go unnoticed by Dr. Rosenfeld.

"I hate to break it to you, Jessie, but you're smiling again.

"Am I?" asked Jessie. "What can I say? I guess you're just really, really good at your job."

"Yes, thank you. Give me all the credit. I'll take it, even if it's not mine," replied Dr. Rosenfeld, sounding very satisfied.

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The next day, Jessie was in her bedroom at her mom's house waiting for 5:00pm to roll around. Katie's flight landed at 2:00pm and Jessie figured it take about three hours for Katie to get home, unpack and do whatever she needed to do before she could go out. Jessie wanted to greet her at the airport, but Katie said she'd rather meet up later once she had time to freshen up. 'Airplane hair' was not exactly the sexiest thing on the planet. Katie didn't reveal to Jessie that was why she wanted to meet up later. But that was exactly why. She wanted to look good for Jessie, after not seeing her for over 2 months.

Jessie stood in front of her mirror, studying her face in different angles. She was just finishing up putting on her lip gloss when her mom knocked on the partially open door.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Karen slowly made her way into her daughter's bedroom. She was still somewhat recovering from her accident walking with a slight limp, but now she was finally able to walk without the support of a cane. She came over and sat on the edge of Jessie's bed.

"You look nice."

"Thanks," replied Jessie, as she sat down on her desk chair.

"Are you excited about seeing Katie again?"

"Yeah."

"Is she meeting you here?"

"That's the plan. She should be here in an hour or so."

"Well, I know you two have a lot to catch up on. I just came in to let you know that Henry and I are heading to a movie in a few minutes. But call me if you need anything, okay?"

Jessie smiled. "Okay. Thanks."

As Karen got up, she took another look at Jessie. Her hair was up and styled differently, and she was dressed a lot nicer than she had been dressing the whole summer. She couldn't help but notice how her daughter seemed to blossom over the summer. "You really do look very nice, Jess. Are you wearing makeup?"

Jessie turned away, slightly embarrassed. "A little. Not much. It's just…Katie and I might go to dinner later or something. I just don't want to look like a slob in case we go somewhere nice."

_Black and White: -__Jessie puts her head in her hands, embarrassed-: "Mothers notice everything."_

"Well, there's nothing wrong with looking your best," said Karen as she played with a strand of Jessie's hair. "Anyway, have fun. And call me if you're going to be out later than 11, okay?"

"Sure, mom. Bye."

As Jessie watched Karen leave, she breathed a sigh of relief. She thought she did a good job of covering. She hadn't expected her mom to notice the difference in her appearance. She had momentarily forgotten how astute mother actually was. Then she realized that Katie was just as perceptive and thought maybe she would look like she was trying too hard with the makeup. She stood in front of the mirror again for a few minutes, contemplating wiping the makeup off when she heard another knock at her door.

"Come in!"

As the door opened, Jessie turned around to see who it was. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Katie walk in wearing a huge grin on her face. Jessie stood there, her feet firmly planted on the ground. She couldn't remember a time when she had seen anything so beautiful. She reached back in time, searched every memory she could gather, but failed to find any moment as beautiful as this one.

_Black and White: -__Jessie looks at the camera incredulously-: "Oh my God."_

They both stood there in silence. The bedroom door started to creak loudly as it began to slowly close behind Katie. Katie smiled shyly as she looked Jessie over. She couldn't believe they were finally in the same room together. And Katie wanted nothing more than to run up to her and hug her at that exact moment. But something was holding her back. Perhaps it was the uncertainty of not knowing what Jessie was thinking at that moment. So she stayed right where she was and waited for Jessie to make the first move.

Jessie took a step towards Katie. Katie, in turn, took a step towards Jessie. Jessie stopped and held her gaze on Katie. The silence was killing Katie. She didn't want to be the first one to break, but she couldn't take it anymore.

Katie smiled sweetly at Jessie. "Hi."

Jessie smiled back. "Hi. You're early."

"Yeah. Your mom just let me in. I wanted to surprise you."

"It's good to see you."

Katie bravely made her way towards Jessie. As she stopped in front of Jessie, she reached down and nervously took her hand. "It's good to see you, too."

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Jessie allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of Katie's hand in hers. She slowly moved her thumb along the top of Katie's hand while getting lost in Katie's eyes. There was a smile behind those eyes letting Jessie know that she was truly missed. The exhilaration passing through each girl at the slightest touch of each other's hand was more than they could take. They smiled at each other as they came closer together and slowly melted into a long overdue embrace. The hug was lingering with a gentle hint of longing behind it. It was saturated with desire, yet held a sense of innocence.

Katie wasn't really sure what to say. There was an unspoken awkwardness between them that she had rarely experienced. Perhaps they should have discussed their relationship more in depth. Then there wouldn't be this feeling of hesitation on both their parts. She knew if she stayed in Jessie's arms any longer, she may do something embarrassing, so she slowly pulled away from the embrace and, in true Katie fashion, excitedly plopped down on Jessie's bed.

"So…did ya miss me?"

Jessie, who was slightly thrown off guard by Katie's sudden departure from her arms, leaned against her desk.

_Black and white _

_Katie: "It's amazing how such a simple question can result in absolute fear and dread when waiting for a response."_

Jessie smirked. "That depends. What did you bring me?"

Katie nodded. "I see. So I have to BUY your friendship."

Jessie raised her eyebrows and shrugged. "Maybe." She felt a little bit of a sting when Katie used the word 'friendship.' Jessie tried not to show it, but Katie caught a tinge of disappoint in Jessie's eyes.

"Well," Katie jumped up and walked over to her bag. "You're in luck. It just so happens, I brought you the gift of all gifts. A Wisconsin collectable that everyone should own." She pulled out a giant yellow, triangular mass. "It's a cheese head."

Jessie looked at Katie in disbelief. "A cheese head?"

"Yeah. A real Wisconsin cheese head. This is what they wear to all the Packers games. At least I think. I'm not really big on football."

"A cheese head," Jessie repeated, dumbfounded.

"It's made of real, genuine foam…" Katie waved it in front of Jessie's face, as if tempting her to take it from her hands.

Jessie looked at the cheese head and then looked back up at Katie. She couldn't contain it any longer and started laughing uncontrollably. "Only you, Katie. Only you would bring me a cheese head."

"What are you saying?" asked Katie.

"I'm saying I love it. You're such a dork and I just…I love it," said Jessie as she continued laughing and took the cheese head from Katie. "But there's no way in hell I'm wearing this in public…or in private. Or at all."

"But it's the thought that counts, right?" asked Katie.

"Yes, it's the thought that counts."

"Just try it on. Just once for me. Please. I think you'd look adorable in it."

"Okay, fine. Where's yours?" asked Jessie as she started to put it on.

"Are you kidding? I'd never get one of those. I don't wanna look like a dumbass."

At that, Jessie stopped smiling and immediately swept the foam hat off her head with one fell swoop. As the cheese head landed on the floor, she looked at Katie. "I hate you."

Katie started laughing and couldn't stop. Soon Jessie joined in and they both finally began to feel at ease with each other again. It was like it had only been two hours and not two months since they'd seen each other.

Once their laughing fit stopped, Katie leaned back on Jessie's bed.

"I can't believe school starts next week. I'm so not ready for that."

"I know. But at least you only have one more year left. Meanwhile, next year I'll be stuck in high school hell without an ally in sight."

"Oh stop. You have friends. And you'll be so busy hanging out with them, you won't even have time for me."

"That'll never be true. And you know it," insisted Jessie.

"You're right. I'm kind of awesome. Well, if you're lucky, maybe I'll sneak on campus to visit you."

"Promise?"

Katie smiled at Jessie. "I promise. But we'll cross that path when we come to it. I still have to get through senior year and that bad case of senioritis I know I'll catch early on." Katie was now fully resting on her back on Jessie's bed. "I'm exhausted."

Jessie kept her position leaning up against her desk. "Do you wanna go?"

_Black and white: _

_Jessie: "It's amazing how a simple question can result in complete fear and dread when you're waiting for a response."_

Katie continued to look up at the ceiling. "No. Do you want me to go?"

Jessie breathed a sigh of relief. "No."

"Okay then. So…I guess I'm staying."

"So…how was Wisconsin?"

"It was okay. Once I quit complaining about having to go, it wasn't so bad."

Jessie's fingers nervously played with the pencil that was on her desk. "Well, that's good."

"Yeah…but I would have much rather stayed around here."

The pencil Jessie was so nervously playing with suddenly when flying out of her fingers and hit the wall. Jessie flinched and looked back over at Katie, hoping she hadn't seen what happened. "Really…why's that?"

Katie shrugged, still focusing on the ceiling. "The movie theaters are cheaper here. And I missed all my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurants."

"Oh," replied Jessie, as her anxious hands now moved on to the silver bracelet that was on her desk. Her fingers moved around the bracelet, studying it's every curve.

"…and it would have been nice to spend the whole summer with you," added Katie, as she lifted her head up to look at Jessie. She then pushed herself back up into the sitting position as she kept her eyes on Jessie. "By the way, you look really nice today. Did I tell you that? You look…really beautiful."

Jessie inhaled sharply as the bracelet she was handling somehow fell through her fingers and onto the ground. She jumped, startled at the loud clanging sound. "Oh…um…thank you."

Katie's stomach was in knots. She anxiously pursed her lips while trying to read Jessie's face. Katie then unconsciously licked her lips while allowing her eyes to convey what she was feeling. She was so unsure of everything. She had no idea where they stand and could tell that Jessie wasn't going to be the first one to bring it up. But now didn't seem like the right time to discuss it.

"So…how's Lily doing?"

"Oh, she's doing really well."

"Do they know if it's a boy or a girl yet?"

"No, they don't know yet. Probably by next month. But we're all pretty excited. I mean, of course it's gonna mean one more person in an already crowded house, but I guess it won't be so bad if I'm in the attic. I won't have to listen to the incessant crying."

Katie nodded. She looked down at the bracelet Jessie dropped, walked over and picked it up. She handed it to Jessie. As Jessie took the bracelet, her hand lingered on Katie's. Both girls could feel the undeniable rush that came with that touch. Jessie looked down at their hands as they forgot all about the bracelet and allowed it to drop to the floor once again. Katie caressed Jessie's hand as she tightened her grip. They remained there until Jessie slowly pulled her hand away. Katie, feeling slightly rejected, tried to hide the hurt with her smile.

"You wanna go somewhere?"

"Sure. Where?" asked Jessie.

"Anywhere. I just feel like getting out."

"Okay. How about a cheap movie and a hole-in-the-wall restaurant?"

"Ah, you read my mind," replied Katie as they gathered their stuff and walked out the door.

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The following week, Lily was maneuvering around the kitchen cooking breakfast as Rick, Grace and Zoe were scurrying around her, trying to get ready for their day. As Rick made his way past Lily, he put his hands on her hips and kissed her neck. She kept her smile hidden from him as he continued to nuzzle her neck as he whispered, "I love you."

She finally turned around and smiled at him. "You better."

Rick brought his hand up to Lily's stomach and looked down. "And I love you, too."

_Black and White: _

_Lily is smiling. Rick is sitting next to her. Lily: "Yeah…he's definitely one of the good ones. Am I lucky?" –She looks over at Rick- "The luckiest woman alive."_

Lily grabbed the toast she was preparing and playfully shoved it in his mouth. "You're gonna be late," she reminded him as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Okay, okay. I'm going. I'll call you later." Rick kissed Lily on the cheek and as he headed for the door, he ran into Jessie, who was coming down the stairs.

"Morning, dad."

"Hey, sweetie. Good luck on your first day back."

"Thanks."

She watched as he walked out the door then walked into the kitchen and sat down at the counter.

"So are you girls excited?" asked Lily.

"For school? Not exactly," replied Grace.

"But it's your senior year, Grace," said Zoe.

"Yeah, but it's still school. Still the same dull people and the same dull classes. I just want the year to be over so I can actually learn something…in college classes..."

Jessie half-heartedly listened as Grace went on yet another one of her rants. This time about how the public education system is failing teenagers everywhere. At least, that's what Jessie thinks she was talking about. She pretty much zoned out, thinking about her own nervousness about her first day back.

"Can we go?" asked Jessie. "I don't wanna be late."

"Fine," said Grace. "Come on. Bye mom."

"Bye. Drive carefully."

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As Jessie and Grace got out of the car, Jessie immediately scanned the area to see if Katie was around.

"I don't see her," said Grace.

"Who?"

"Katie."

"Oh. Right. Um…so do you have any classes with her this year?" asked Jessie, as they started walking towards the school.

"Don't know yet. I guess we'll find out today."

They both spotted Katie at the same time. She was talking to a group of people near the main entrance as she looked over and saw Jessie walking her way. She excused herself and headed toward Jessie. Jessie looked over at Grace. Grace got the hint. Nothing needed to be said.

"Okay, okay. I'll make myself scarce. Hi Katie, bye Katie," she patted Katie on the shoulder as she walked past her.

Katie watched Grace leave and turned to Jessie looking perplexed. "What was that all about?"

"Who knows? Seniors are just so weird," replied Jessie.

"I'm gonna let that slide."

"What? No witty comeback?" asked Jessie.

"I'm tired and I haven't had my coffee yet. Consider yourself lucky."

_Black and White:_

_Jessie: "Am I lucky?" –She thinks about Katie- "Yeah. Extremely lucky. Probably one of the luckiest people alive."_

They headed towards Jessie's locker as Katie ripped open a Snickers bar.

"Wanna bite?"

"No thanks. It's a little early for chocolate," said Jessie.

Katie gasped. "Bite your tongue, Billie. It's NEVER too early for chocolate."

Jessie giggled as she started getting books out of her locker. "Great. You'll be bouncing off the walls in no time." She turned around to face Katie, but Katie wasn't there.

"Too late," said Katie, as she began twirling across the hallway, oblivious to the people around her.

Jessie shook her head and laughed. "Katie, get over here before you hurt someone…or yourself."

Katie stopped her twirling and made her way back to Jessie.

_Black and White:_

_Katie shakes her head and grins at the camera: "Yup. Oh man…I am so whipped. It's just sad."_

"So, I'll see you at lunch?" asked Jessie, as she closed her locker and zipped up her bag.

"Of course, Billie.

They stood there, not exactly sure what to do. Saying goodbye never felt so uncomfortable. The other students were quickly dissipating into their respective classrooms. Katie took a chance and leaned in to hug Jessie. Jessie didn't know how to react to that. She looked around to see that no one was left in the hall. She sort of clumsily leaned in to kiss Katie. Katie was thrown off and not expecting a kiss, so she turned her head.

"Oh," she said.

Jessie then retreated after realizing that Katie just wanted a hug.

"Uh…" Jessie was at a loss for words.

They simultaneously leaned in again, then awkwardly pulled back, not knowing what the other girl wanted. Finally, Katie bent forward again. Jessie did the same, but neither girl had a handle on their depth perception and ended up bumping heads.

"Oww," said Katie as she pulled back with her hand on her head.

"Ooh, sorry," said Jessie, who had her hand on her head as well.

"No, that was my fault."

They stood there in an unsettling silence until the bell rang and both girls realized they were going to be late for class. Jessie started walking past Katie.

"Okay, well I'll see you at lunch then."

"Yeah," said Katie. "See ya."

Each girl walked in the opposite direction. Katie looked back to watch Jessie walk away. When she turned back around and headed for her class, Jessie looked over her shoulder to watch Katie. She wasn't exactly sure what had just happened, but she was pretty sure it was a little bit embarrassing.

To Be Continued….


	3. Chapter 3

The first week of school flew by in a flash. Jessie spent that week adjusting to her junior year and all her classes. The nervousness she was feeling about the school year had somehow faded away. It really didn't seem so bad, and she always had Grace or Katie to help her with anything. Well, that is if Grace wasn't in one of her moods. Jessie and Katie had lunch together every day that week, but neither of them discussed that awkward display between them from Monday. So they went about their daily routine of talking and making each other laugh, but also dying inside and wanting to know where they stand with each other. They hadn't shared a kiss since Jake and Tiffany's wedding. During the reception they had snuck off outside for some fresh air. Katie was still coming down from the rush of Jessie taking her hand during the wedding. It was a big step forward in their relationship. Sure, no one had actually seen it, but the fact that someone COULD have seen it spoke volumes. Katie was so touched by that one small gesture, she just had to repay Jessie. So she kissed her. It was something they hadn't done very often, and Jessie was thrown a little off guard, but she gladly accepted it and shared with Katie the last kiss they would have for months. That moment was something Jessie reflected upon a lot over the last couple months. That moment was so perfect. Just as perfect as that first kiss they shared in the attic.

Katie had no idea, but Jessie was thinking of that kiss at this very moment. The girls were talking on the phone on Sunday night. They were discussing their 2nd week of school which started tomorrow, when out of nowhere, Katie asked about Tiffany's baby.

"Oh…she's fine. She's adorable," answered Jessie. Her mind immediately flashed back to the wedding and for some reason, Jessie couldn't wipe the grin off her face. It was as permanent as a tattoo. She heard Katie spout off something about her baby cousin, but Jessie couldn't comprehend exactly was Katie was saying. She was too focused on thinking about what it would be like to kiss her again. She seriously contemplated bringing up the "so what exactly is our relationship" thing. She wanted to know. She was dying to know. Things were so abruptly interrupted by Katie's last-minute trip to Wisconsin, that they never got to discuss it. Jessie decided to play it safe and not say anything until Katie said something. Little did she know that Katie had the exact same idea.

"…so I told my aunt, 'if you didn't feed her so much, maybe she wouldn't spit up so much.' And my aunt looked at me like I grew a second head or something. But seriously, it was my favorite shirt." Katie was still venting about her baby cousin until she realized that this may very well be a one-sided conversation. "Jess? You there?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm here."

"Are you okay? You've barely said anything."

"How can I? You never stop talking," replied Jessie.

"Well, is it my fault that my life is so interesting and I have a lot to say?"

"I guess not."

"I mean, would you rather me be dull and boring and just sit on the other end of the phone and tell you how much my fingernails grew today? Or how I can't understand how people can drink non-fat milk? I mean, it tastes like water! Now granted, it is less fattening, but come on! Cookies taste so much better with 2. I can even handle 1, but non-fat? I just don't—"

Jessie rolled over on her stomach and switched the phone to her other ear. She put her head in her hand and laughed to herself.

_Black and White Jessie: "My God, she is the most exhausting person I've ever met in my entire life." Jessie smiles at the camera. "I love that about her."_

"I'm boring you now, aren't I?" asked Katie.

"No. Not at all." Truthfully, Jessie loved to listen to Katie's ramblings. She loved any excuse to listen to the sound of her voice.

Katie, who was in her room sitting at her desk, paused for a moment. She started to say something, and then changed her mind at the last minute. Instead, she tried to calm her nervous energy by swiveling around in her desk chair.

"So…I guess I should let you go," said Katie, as she began to grow increasingly nauseous from the twirling. But for some reason, she couldn't stop. Not while she was on the phone with Jessie. This was her way of channeling her insecurities and preventing her from saying something stupid that she might regret.

"No, that's really okay. I mean…I like talking to you," said Jessie.

"Well, I know that, Billie. Who doesn't like talking to me? But we can talk tomorrow. It's only like 10 hours. I don't think you'll miss me that much," said Katie, as she continued swiveling.

Jessie closed her eyes. "I always miss you," she mumbled to herself.

But Katie heard exactly what she said. She was startled by Jessie's response and stuck her foot out to stop the chair from spinning. Unfortunately, she should have slowed down first because her knee rammed right into the side of her desk.

"Oww!"

Jessie heard the thud on the other side of the phone.

_Black and White Jessie: "Oh crap. Did I just say that out loud?"_

"Are you okay?" asked Jessie.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. There was a…swivel chair incident. Um…so…."

Jessie heard a knock at her door. "Katie, hold on a sec. Come in!"

Grace made her way up the stairs and into the attic. "Hey."

Jessie held up her hand telling Grace to hold on. "Katie? I gotta go. But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Tomorrow. Bye." Katie could barely get those words out as she felt the stinging in her knee increase. But that wasn't what she was concerned with at the moment. Jessie said she missed her. Granted, she practically whispered it, but still. She said it.

_Black and White Katie: "That's always a good sign, right? That someone misses you?"_

Meanwhile, Jessie was thankful to Grace for inadvertently helping her get out of that embarrassing situation. From now on, she needed to learn to keep her thoughts to herself. There's a reason why we think them and don't say them. She looked over at Grace.

"What's up?"

"Talking to Katie?" asked Grace.

"Yeah."

"Shocker." Grace perused Jessie for a moment. "You're all flushed. You okay?"

Jessie nervously rolled her sleeves up. "Yeah. It's just…it's kind of warm in here."

Grace nodded.

Jessie looked at her. "Did you need something, Grace?"

"You're dad wants to know if you want some ice cream. I told him you'd say no, but he said that even if you didn't want any, he still wants you down there. It's family time. Fun for all."

Jessie sighed. "In other words, another meeting about the baby and what sort of changes it will bring about the family and our living situations?"

"Exactly."

"What could they possibly have anything new to say since last week?"

"Who knows? Maybe they've changed the baby's name for the billionth time. But aren't you just dying to find out?" asked Grace, sarcastically.

"Can't wait." Jessie got up and headed downstairs with Grace.

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The next day, Jessie was thankful the school day was over. She was just getting out of her last class, which was gym. She was in the locker room, getting ready to change, when she felt some sort of magnetic force telling her to look to her right. And sure enough, she saw Katie practicing her balancing act on the benches that sat in the aisle between the lockers. She was responded to everyone who greeted her along the way.

"Hey. How's it going? Good to see you." When Katie reached her destination, she jumped off the bench and landed right in front of Jessie. "Hey!"

"Hey. You're in a good mood," said Jessie.

Katie pulled out an empty Twix wrapper. "I had my afternoon sugar intake. I'm good for a couple hours."

"So what brings you to the locker room? I thought seniors didn't take gym."

"Well, we don't, seeing as we are too smart and mature to be playing 'kiddie games.' I got out of my last class early, so I thought I'd just stop by and say hi. So…hi."

Jessie laughed. "Hi."

"So…do you want a ride home?"

Before Jessie could respond, she looked up to see a group of girls talking. One of them was Rebecca Grayson, the most stuck up jerk of a human being Jessie had ever met. And for some reason, Rebecca had a personal vendetta against Katie. Rebecca and her friends continued talking as they were coming towards Jessie and Katie.

"So since I was stuck in Hawaii most of the summer, my parents are making it up to me by taking me to Europe next week. We'll be there for two weeks," said Rebecca.

"What about school?" asked one of her sheep…er…friends.

"Oh, they're writing the principal a note saying that the trip is purely educational. All the museums and whatever. Anyway, it'll be fine." They continued walking until they reached Jessie and Katie. Rebecca immediately rammed into Katie's shoulder as she walked past her. "Hey. Watch where you're going. This is a Fendi bag."

Katie turned around. "Um..I was standing still."

"Whatever, Singer. Just stay out of my way."

"I wasn't in your way, Rebecca. Look, I know my presence disgusts you for whatever reason, but there's really no need to talk to me like that. In fact, there's really no need to talk to me at all. So…okay bye." Katie turned back around to talk to Jessie.

Rebecca scoffed at Katie. "Fine. I'll just let you get back to your girlfriend."

Rebecca's friends immediately started snickering. Katie turned around and looked at Rebecca, but she didn't know what to say. It had been a somewhat renowned rumor that Katie's sexuality had been called into question several times. People spoke of it, but it was never really confirmed. Not by Katie, or anyone. Most people didn't even seem to really care. But Rebecca was one of the people who just loved to keep that rumor going. She was born and raised to reject the unfamiliar; to reject people who were different from her. It wasn't just Katie who was at the brunt of her taunting. She was even antagonistic towards Jessie at times, that is when she even acknowledged Jessie's presence. Rebecca decided she'd had her fun and led her followers out of the locker room.

Katie tried not to be thrown from that altercation, but Jessie could tell she was upset.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Katie nodded. She was incredibly embarrassed being called out like that in front of Jessie. "Yeah. I just don't understand why she hates me so much. I've chocked it up to the fact that she just has a permanent stick up her ass. Maybe I put it there in a past life and now she's seeking revenge."

"Oh no. You poor thing. You mean ONE person in this entire school doesn't like you? Whatever shall you do?"

Katie smirked at Jessie. "Very funny."

"Besides. It's Rebecca Grayson. She may be the richest girl in school, but she's also the most hated," assured Jessie. "And at least she knows you. Last year, I picked up a book for her that she dropped and she called me Josie."

Katie stared at Jessie, smiling.

"What?" asked Jessie.

"Nothing, Josie."

Jessie picked up her sweatshirt and threw it at Katie.

"Sorry, Billie. I couldn't resist. So, as I was saying before. Do you want a ride home?"

"Sure. I just have to change," replied Jessie.

"Okay," said Katie. She stayed there looking at Jessie, who was getting her clothes out of her locker. Jessie grabbed the hem of her gym shirt when she realized Katie was still there. She turned and met Katie's eyes. She stood there, waiting to see what Katie was going to do. Jessie began to feel incredibly vulnerable. She didn't want to offend Katie in any way, but she definitely didn't feel comfortable changing in front of her at this moment. Jessie's eyes casually glanced over towards the exit.

Katie immediately snapped out of it and finally realized that she probably should have gotten the hint earlier. "Oh, right. Okay. I'm sorry. I just…totally spaced out. Um…so you get changed and…uh…I'll just see you…uh, I mean….meet you at my car."

_Black and White Katie: "Define awkward." She looks down in embarrassment. "This moment. Right now. The epitome of awkward."_

Jessie watched as Katie slowly made her way towards the exit. It was in this moment when Jessie caught a hint of Katie's vulnerability. For once, she could see that Katie was just a fragile as she was, especially when it came to this relationship. It never occurred to her that Katie might be feeling just as unsure of everything as she felt. She had always seen Katie as this force to be reckoned with. She had always seen her as this boisterous, confident girl who had all the answers and no fear. But right now, Jessie could see Katie was just as sensitive about this whole thing. This unspoken bond between them was so strong and neither girl really knew what hit them. It's been an emotional ride for both of them and they both deserved a little peace of mind.

Jessie stood up. "Katie, wait."

Katie stopped and turned around. "Yeah?" She started walking back towards Jessie as Jessie was walking towards her.

They were face to face with each other. Jessie's face was turned slightly upwards. She had grown an inch over the summer, but it appeared Katie had grown as well, so she was still a bit taller than Jessie. Jessie watched as Katie gazed back at her with a fierce hunger in her eyes that she'd never seen before. Jessie then looked down, trying to gather the courage to say what she wanted to say. She looked up and once she saw those deep eyes staring at her again, she forgot her words.

"I just…um…." That was all Jessie managed to choke out.

Katie's heart began beating out of her chest. She had to remind herself to breathe. She looked around and saw that there was no one left in the locker room. School had been out for a little while now. There was no one here. No one but her and Jessie. Katie knew what was about to happen. She recognized that look in Jessie's eyes. It was the same look she gave her just before they kissed for the first time. A look of longing and uncertainty. A look of fear and passion. A look of confusion and desire. Katie pursed her lips, as she always did when she was anxious. She reached out her hand and grazed Jessie's hand with her finger. That moment of contact seemed to be the push that Jessie needed. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against Katie's. Katie graciously welcomed the kiss as their lips moved together in one fluid motion. Katie couldn't feel her legs. She never thought a kiss could turn her legs to jelly, but it happened. Jessie managed to find Katie's biggest weakness: it was Jessie's lips.

_Black and White Katie: "Whoa. Oh, wow."_

Jessie was just as overwhelmed. The inexplicable sensation shooting through Jessie's body was almost too much for her. As she gently pulled away, she kept her eyes locked on Katie. She couldn't say a word. All she could do was stare.

_Black and White Jessie looks at the camera, speechless_

Katie was the first to break the silence. "Uh…okay. I'll uh…I'll see you at the car then."

Jessie smiled. "Okay."

Katie started to back up towards the exit, but she was having some difficulty seeing as how she had lost all use of her legs during that kiss. She was still trying to find her footing. "Okay. So, yeah. Um…car…" As Katie was still trying to get a coherent sentence out, she managed to back up into a trash can and knocked it over. She immediately stiffened at the loud sound it made and then stood up straight. "Right. Yes. Of course that would happen. I'm just gonna…car."

Jessie smiled to herself as she watched Katie head out of the locker room. Katie usually had a way of making Jessie lose her cool. Now it seems the tables have turned. Katie was the spastic one this time. Jessie pondered this as she walked back toward her locker and immediately tripped over her shoelace and fell to the ground. As she got up, she mumbled to herself, "Of course that would happen."

To Be Continued….


	4. Chapter 4

_Black and White _

_Jessie (Katie is sitting next to her): "I used to think kissing was overrated. Six months ago, I just didn't get it. I didn't see what the big deal was. I mean, I only had a little bit of experience by that point, but it just wasn't what I thought it would be. It wasn't this great thing that everyone said it would be. And then…well…" She looks over at Katie. "Let's just say I get it now."_

It finally happened. It took a little while, but Katie finally did it. She finally worked up the nerve to kiss Jessie. Since that moment they shared in the locker room a couple days ago, their kisses had been few and far between. And when they did kiss, it was always Jessie who instigated it. Katie had wanted to kiss Jessie several times, but always chickened out at the last minute. She always waited for Jessie to make the first move because she didn't want to overstep her boundaries. She was still scared of everything that was going on between them. She thought for sure she'd wake up one morning and Jessie would realize she didn't want to be with her anymore. Perhaps it was because Jessie had yet to put her feelings for Katie into words. Katie made it very clear how she felt about Jessie in that letter, but Jessie always seemed to have trouble expressing what she felt. And Katie understood that. She didn't want to push her in any way.

Jessie pulled some clothes off the bed. "I'm sure it's around here somewhere."

Katie continued to watch the younger girl turn the place inside out. She was content just being with her.

Jessie opened an old pizza box that looked like it was from three weeks ago. "Oh my God. Okay, this was a bad idea. Next time I do this, I'm gonna require gloves…and a shovel."

Katie laughed as she watched Jessie's disgusted face. And at this moment, as Jessie was sifting through Eli's stuff, for a split second, Katie felt fearless. So she boldly walked over to Jessie and kissed her. The kiss was simple and sweet, yet had enough fire behind it to light a book of wet matches. Before Jessie could even enjoy the pleasure against her lips, the door suddenly opened and the two girls quickly pulled apart.

Eli walked through the door and looked at his sister questioningly. "Jessie."

"Hey Eli." She was hoping she had managed to wipe the dreamy look off her face before Eli noticed it.

"What are you doing in my room?"

"We were looking for your Sugarcult cd. Katie wanted to borrow it."

Eli looked over at Katie. "Oh, hey Katie."

"Hi."

Eli looked back at Jessie. "Look, Jess. If you wanna borrow my stuff, that's fine. But ask me first. Don't go rummaging through my room without permission." He walked over to his dresser and casually stood in front of it to block the bag of pot he forgot to hide earlier. He looked to his left and grabbed the Sugarcult cd off his shelf and handed it to Katie.

"Here. It's a good one. You'll enjoy it."

Katie took the cd. "Thanks. Sorry about being in your room."

"Oh, don't worry about it. Just as long as you guys give me some warning next time." Eli looked at both Jessie and Katie and wondered why they were so pale. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. We're fine. I think you just startled us when you came in," said Jessie.

"Well, I do have that effect on people."

Katie forced an awkward laugh as she backed up towards the door. "Well, I should get going. Thanks for the cd, Eli. Jess, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Bye, Katie." Jessie watched at Katie walked out. But before she closed the door, Katie turned around and gave Jessie one last look. Eli watched Katie intently as she shared that private look with Jessie. Once Katie left, Eli turned to Jessie.

"Is everything okay, Jessie?"

"Yeah, yeah everything's fine."

Eli nodded. They stood there in silence. It wasn't until now that Eli realized he hadn't had a lot of bonding time with Jessie recently. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time they had a full on conversation. Realizing this made things just a little more awkward between them at this moment.

_Black and White_

_Eli: "When we were younger, Jessie would always follow me around. My dad said 'she just wanted to be like her big brother.' He said it was a phase and she'd grow out of it. So I just let her follow me. I figured she'd eventually get sick of it. And the thing is, I didn't mind. She was a cool little sister. Even my friends didn't mind having her around. She wasn't annoying or bratty. She was just…there."_

Jessie nervously looked away from her brother while moving a pile of junk off of his bed so she could sit down. Eli took this opportunity to quickly move his stash into the top drawer of his dresser.

"Eli, can I ask you something?"

"Always," replied Eli as he took a seat on his chair.

"Um…when you were with Jennifer…or Carla…what did you get them for their birthday?"

Eli was a little bewildered by her question. He definitely wasn't expecting this. "Uh…I don't know. Why?"

"I'm just curious."

"Well, I think I got Jen a necklace. And Carla? Actually, I never really knew when her birthday was. I don't think she had a birthday while we were together."

"Oh. Well, did Jen like the necklace?"

"Yeah. At least I think so. She told me she did. Why do you wanna know?"

"I don't know. I was just wondering."

"Are you thinking of giving someone a birthday present?"

Jessie shrugged.

_Black and White_

_Eli: "It got to the point where I'd actually ASK her if she wanted to come along to wherever I was going. And she just loved it. 'She'll grow out of it,' my dad would say. But she never did…until recently."_

Eli got up and sat next to Jessie on his bed. He leaned over and nudged her shoulder with his shoulder. "Come on, you can tell me."

"Well, yeah. There's this person who I kind of like. But I'm not sure what to get because it's new and we haven't really established anything and I just wanted to know what was appropriate to give as a birthday present."

"Well, I don't think jewelry is the way to go. Especially if it's Tad."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Eli.."

"I'm not saying it IS Tad. But if it is, I just think you might want to re-think the necklace thing."

"I wasn't wondering what present to get. I was wondering what TYPE of present. Like something small or expensive or sentimental or…just a card or something," said Jessie.

"Well, if you really like him, I'd go with something simple, but heartfelt. Something that shows him how you feel." He looked at Jessie. "Does he know how you feel?"

Jessie shook her head. "I don't know."

_Black and White_

_Eli: "And when we were younger, I knew. I knew I'd do anything for her. I'd always have her back. And now? Well…nothing has changed. Except, while I'd do anything for her, it seems like she doesn't really need me to anymore." He pauses for a moment, contemplating. "And that kinda sucks. I guess she did grow out of it."_

Jessie and Eli were interrupted by a knock at the door. Rick peeked his head in. "Hey. It's time for dinner."

As Jessie and Eli sat down at the crowded dinner table, the conversation was already abuzz with impending baby plans. Judy and her boyfriend, Sam, stopped by for dinner as well, making it a full house.

"So do we have another name change?" asked Judy.

"Well, right now we have it narrowed down to 56 choices…for a boy. And 37 for a girl," joked Rick.

"Well, that's better than what you were at two weeks ago," replied Sam.

"I just hope it's a boy," chimed in Zoe.

"Why?"

"Because. I already have a younger sister. It's only fair if I have younger brother, too."

Grace rolled her eyes at Zoe's response. "Whatever, Zoe. If it were a boy, you'd probably play dress-up with him and then he'll turn out all screwed up."

"Shut up, Grace," snapped Zoe.

Lily could tell that all this talk about the baby was grating on the kids, so she opted for a subject change. "So Jessie, Grace. How's school going?"

"It's fine," replied Jessie. "A little hectic, but I'm getting used to it."

"Yeah…what she said," replied Grace, who obviously wasn't in the mood for talking today.

"And how's Katie doing?" asked Lily.

"She's good. She just left not too long ago," said Jessie, who was sheepishly grinning at the thought of Katie. This did not go unnoticed by Eli, who was sitting next to Jessie.

"What does she have planned for her birthday? Isn't it this weekend?" asked Lily.

Immediately, Jessie's entire body stiffened. She felt the blood drain from her face as she tried to slow her breathing.

Eli's head immediately perked up at Lily's question. He quickly turned to look at Jessie, who couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"Jessie? Lily asked you a question," said Rick.

"Oh…yeah. Yeah, I think she said something about it being this week." Jessie contemplated using her spoon to dig a hole in the floor. She needed a place to hide and under the hardwood floor seemed as good a place as any at this moment. She quickly glanced through her peripheral to see if Eli was still looking at her. He was. Only this time, his mouth was slightly open. He looked as though he were trying to solve a riddle; like he was trying to figure out what all this meant.

"Does Katie have anything planned?" asked Judy.

"Uh…" Jessie knew if she didn't relax soon, she'd start to hyperventilate. She took a deep breath. "Tad and some of her friends are throwing her a bonfire party. Tad likes fire and Katie likes marshmallows. So, it seems fitting. Katie said she didn't want anything big. She says it's just a reason for her friends to have a party, but she doesn't want to let them down."

Jessie finally made eye contact with her brother. He looked at her, dumbfounded. But he could tell he was making her uncomfortable, so he looked back at his plate and continued eating so as not to draw any attention to himself.

"Well that sounds like fun, Jess," said Eli, as he flashed a smile her way.

"Are you going?" asked Lily.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm going. So is Grace. Well, I mean…Grace is invited," said Jessie.

"Yeah, I'll probably go," said Grace.

Jessie began picking at her food and periodically looking over at Eli. Every so often, she would catch his glance. She was beginning to feel more and more relaxed. Maybe he didn't suspect anything. Maybe he was actually stoned at this moment and really didn't know what they were even talking about. Wishful thinking, but it could be true.

_Black and White_

_Eli: "She grew out of it. Just like my dad said she would. But now…I don't know. Maybe she does still need me." He smiles._

It was finally Saturday night and Katie's birthday party was well under way. It was a pretty good turnout, which wasn't surprising, seeing as how Katie was one of the most popular girls in school. Tad had secured a place that allows bonfires about a mile from the lake. Jessie had only been there five minutes and right away, she felt out of place. She watched from a distance as Katie talked and joked around with her friends. Jessie hadn't made her presence known yet and she was thinking about just staying there near that tree until Grace came up to her.

"I know you didn't get all dressed up to hang out with a tree. Come on," said Grace as she pulled Jessie toward the party. "Go say hi to Katie."

"I will," said Jessie. "Don't be so pushy."

The fire was blazing. Jessie could see the firelight illuminating Katie skin and suddenly, she was in a different place. She forgot who she was and where she was and all could see was Katie. She smiled as she watched Katie drink from a red plastic cup. It almost seemed like slow motion as Katie put that drink to her lips. And Jessie had never wanted to be a red plastic cup so badly in all her life. It only took a moment for Katie to spot Jessie from across the way. She instantly left the friends she was talking to and ran over to greet Jessie with a hug.

"Hey!"

"Hey. Happy birthday."

"Thanks. Seventeen looks good on me, don't ya think?"

"Yeah. Definitely," said Jessie "So…you're drinking?"

"Dr. Pepper." Katie held her cup up to Jessie. "Want some?"

"That's okay."

"Good. More sugar for me, then."

"So, how's the party?" asked Jessie.

"Well, it just got a lot better." Katie smiled at Jessie, then grabbed her by the arm. "Come on. The party's this way."

She led Jessie over to the increasingly loud group of people. Jessie looked over to see that even Grace was socializing with people. The next hour pretty much flew by. Jessie had managed to carry on conversations with several of Katie's friends and Katie made it a point to always make sure Jessie was comfortable. Even if they weren't involved in the same conversation, they constantly made eye contact. And that fire was no match for the smoldering looks the girls were exchanging all night.

The rest of the night went fairly well. That is until someone decided to crash the party. The group suddenly went silent as they saw some people approaching. Katie was in the middle of a conversation with Jessie and Tad as they looked over and saw Rebecca Grayson and her followers heading towards them. Katie looked over at Tad.

Tad put his arms up in defense. "Katie, I swear I didn't invite her. I made it a point to make sure she didn't know about this."

Katie looked back over at Rebecca. Instinctively, Jessie stood in front of Katie, blocking her from Rebecca. Jessie had no idea what even possessed her to do that. As if her 95-pound frame would really be able to block someone from getting to Katie.

_Black and White_

_Jessie (embarrassed): "Why did I do that? It's not like there's going to be a throw-down." _

"Rebecca," said Katie, calmly. "Hi. Can I get you a drink, or something?"

"No. I can't stay. I just wanted to say thanks for inviting me," said Rebecca, coldly.

"We didn't invite you," said Tad.

"Oh, so my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail."

"Aren't you supposed to be in Europe?" asked one of the party-goers. Jessie couldn't make out which one.

"For your information, we leave on Monday," said Rebecca.

"Look, I think you should leave. Now," said Tad.

"Oh, I'll leave," said Rebecca. Then she proceeded to talk a lot louder. "I was just curious. I wanted to see how a gay girl celebrates her 17th birthday." She was practically shouting at this point as she looked around. "A big fire and a bunch of trees. Classy."

As Rebecca and her friends started to leave, she looked back at Katie and smiled wickedly. "Happy birthday, Katie."

Jessie clenched her knuckles until they were white. She couldn't bear seeing that pained expression on Katie's face. It's obvious what Rebecca said really hurt Katie. It was bad enough that Rebecca said all those things in front of Katie's friends, but to do it on her birthday? That was truly the workings of someone with no soul. The silence was slowly fading as everyone continued with their conversations. But even though Rebecca was gone, Katie looked as though she was about to cry any second. Jessie went up to her.

"Hey. Come on."

"Where?"

"Let's go for a walk." Jessie took Katie's arm and led her away from the party. "Tad, we'll be right back. Hold down the fort."

"Sure thing, Jess."

Jessie and Katie made their way through the trees. They hiked about a half a mile until they reached the Park Ranger Station. Jessie sat down on the steps and reached her hand up to take Katie's hand as she sat next to her.

"Are you okay?"

Katie nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. That was just…really, really embarrassing."

Jessie didn't really know what to say. She just nodded in understanding.

Katie turned to face Jessie. "Jess, you know…that thing…what she said. I mean, it's…I guess it's sort of true, but…it doesn't define me. I mean, it's not like my whole identity or anything. I mean, it's…God, I'm not explaining this right—"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain anything."

"I feel like I should."

"Well, if you want to, then go ahead. But, it doesn't matter to me. I care about you. I like you for who you are. I mean, I guess you could say I'm going through the same thing right now." Jessie interlocked her fingers with Katie's. "Do you like me for who I am?"

Katie smiled. "Of course I do."

"So then, let's just leave it at that. You don't need to define yourself, Katie. Not to me. I know you. I know who you are. And…I think I'm starting to… fall for who you are."

Katie smiled and looked down. "Really?"

"Yeah." Jessie reached in her purse and pulled out a gift. "Here. I kinda wanted to give it to you when we were alone, so here."

Katie took the present. "Jess, you really didn't have to get me anything."

"Well, don't get too excited. I don't have a lot of money. And…it's really not much. But I thought you might like it."

Katie opened the gift to find that Jessie had given her a framed picture of the two of them. It was taken at Jake and Tiffany's wedding. It was a candid shot of the two of them sitting at a table and laughing. The gift immediately brought a smile to Katie's face.

"Jess, this is so great. Thank you." Katie was deeply touched.

Jessie smiled. "Open it."

"Huh?"

"Open up the back of the frame," said Jessie.

Katie took the back of the frame and found that Jessie had written a note on the back of the picture.

"Katie,

Just look at this picture. It is the sign of true happiness. This is how you make me feel. When I'm with you, everything else seems to melt away and I'm left standing with you. And I realize that's all I need. Thank you for everything you've done for me. For your endless support and trust. I know I can be afraid at times. I know I have trouble saying how I feel at times. But please know that I truly care about you and I always want to be with you.

--Jessie"

Katie looked up at Jessie. "Jessie, this is the greatest thing anyone has ever given to me."

"I'm glad you like it."

Katie smiled as she timidly began to lean in. Jessie could feel Katie's hand shaking and knew she was nervous. Jessie decided to calm Katie's nerves by meeting her half way and when their lips collided, they saw stars. And not just the ones that were enveloping the night sky above them. For some reason, this kiss seemed so much more meaningful. So much more powerful. So much more needed than any other kiss before. Both girls finally let go of what their brains were telling them and they followed their hearts. Jessie brought her hands up to Katie's face as she got more into the kiss. Katie slowly grazed her tongue along Jessie's lips as Jessie opened her mouth to greet Katie's tongue with hers. Jessie didn't know that anything could feel this good. And she was thankful to Katie for making her feel this way. The kiss continued for several minutes. Neither girl wanted to pull away, until Jessie realized there was a group of people down there who were all gathered in Katie's honor. And here she was, stealing her away from them. She gently pulled away and looked at Katie adoringly.

"I should get you back before they form a search party." Jessie got up and took Katie's hand. Katie grabbed her present and they headed back to the party, taking their time so they could enjoy every last moment they had alone together.

To Be Continued….


	5. Chapter 5

_Black and White_

_Jessie and Katie are sitting next to each other_

_Jessie: "Fear is something that's always come naturally to me. Like it was instilled in me the day I was born."_

_Katie: "Fear? Yeah, I've been afraid of things. But I try not to let it take over me. Fear is something that'll paralyze you if you let it. And I would never want to be paralyzed. Not when I've got something worth running to…" She looks at Jessie and smiles._

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "It's not that I'm afraid of everything. I mean, I don't get sick at the sight of blood. I don't flinch at thunderstorms. I don't even get scared on airplanes. It's other things that I'm afraid of." She looks over at Katie and smiles shyly. "Losing someone close to me…not being there when people need me…disappointing people who have faith in me…" She lowers her head and whispers. "Getting caught doing things that…I don't know…maybe I shouldn't be doing."_

_Katie (looks at Jessie and takes her hand): "We all have our fears. We just have to know when it's time to face them."_

"Doesn't that fan go any higher?" asked Jessie.

"I think this is as high as it goes," replied Katie.

"I'm dying here," complained Jessie as was sprawled out on her bed with the fan directly on her. She was in shorts and a t-shirt, trying to stay cool in the attic. The air didn't circulate very well up there and even though fall was approaching, it still felt like summer.

"You're being a bit over dramatic," replied Katie as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. She was on the floor with her back leaning up against Jessie's bed.

"No I'm not. It's almost midnight. You would think the temperature would drop at least a little bit."

"Relax. I think this is the last heat wave of the year. And if it's not, then we're totally going to my house next time because I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's like a sauna in here!" exclaimed Katie.

"So now who's being over dramatic?"

"I'm just saying, can't your dad and Lily spring for an air conditioning vent up here? The rest of the house is nice and cool."

"Well…we could go downstairs. My dad and Lily might be up, but everyone else is probably asleep," suggested Jessie.

Katie turned around to look at her. "No thanks. I'm actually good right here."

Jessie rolled over on her back. "Okay. We'll melt together."

Katie lifted up her hair to try and cool off her neck. She really didn't mind being in the attic with Jessie. Any reason to be alone with her was good enough for Katie, even if it was causing her to sweat off ten extra pounds. It had been a week since her birthday party and they had both been pretty much inseparable since then. Something had happened that night between them that brought them closer together. Katie was finally beginning to feel more at ease around Jessie. They still hadn't talked about what their relationship meant and what they were to each other, but they both knew they were more than just friends. Still, it was still very new and at times, a little awkward. But ever since her birthday party, Katie was beginning to understand how Jessie felt about her.

Katie began to feel the 34th drop of sweat fall from her face, but refused to say anything about it. She didn't want to ruin this moment. They were sitting there in a blissful silence. That is until Jessie bolted straight up.

"Okay, okay. I can't take this anymore. I need to get out of here. I need to cool off!"

"Maybe we should just try to get some sleep," suggested Katie. "It's late."

"There's no way I'll be able to sleep in this heat. It's almost October, for crying out loud. Shouldn't it be cooler by now?"

Katie stood up and looked at Jessie. She was having an epiphany. She was deep in thought for a moment as Jessie watched her. Katie was getting that gleam in her eye. That infamous "Singer look" that always told Jessie she had something up her sleeve. Jessie looked at her suspiciously.

"What?"

Katie smiled. "I may have an idea."

"Okay. What is it?"

"Well…it requires us leaving the house. Would your dad be okay with that?" asked Katie.

"Probably not, seeing as how it's the middle of the night," answered Jessie.

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "Fear is a state of mind. That's what Katie always tells me."_

"But," continued Jessie, "There may be ways around it. I mean, if he's asleep, he just won't know." Jessie couldn't believe what she was saying, but she was getting delirious from the heat. So she convinced herself that she had to leave the house for health reasons.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to get in trouble," said Katie.

"Well, that depends. What did you have in mind?"

"You'll see. You just have to trust me." Katie reached her hand out to Jessie's.

Jessie contemplated for a moment. Did she really want to do this knowing there was a good chance she'd get caught? She thought about what her dad might say. Or worse…what her mom might say. But then she thought about Katie. And how much she trusted her. And how much she wanted to know what she had in store. Curiosity got the best of her and she took Katie's hand and they walked out the door. They snuck quietly down the stairs and saw that Rick and Lily had fallen asleep while watching a movie on the couch. They quietly opened the door and stepped out without being noticed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

After about a ten-minute drive, Katie pulled up to their destination. She pulled alongside the curb and put her car in park. Jessie looked out the passenger window to see where Katie had taken them.

"Uh…where are we?"

Instead of answering, Katie opened the car door and got out. Jessie followed her and as she slammed the door closed, she looked at the massive house in front of them. She was vaguely familiar with this neighborhood. Her dad used to have a client named Miles Drentell that owned a house on this street. She had been there once when her dad dropped off some plans. Every house on this street looked like it belonged in Beverly Hills.

"Katie, seriously. Where are we?"

Katie took Jessie's hand as they started walking all the way around the perimeter of the house. The property seemed to go on forever. They finally reached the back wall, which wasn't as high as Jessie expected it to be. It was maybe about five feet tall. Katie placed her hands at the top of the stone wall and put her foot up on the first protruding stone she could find. She proceeded to climb her way up to the top of the wall and stood there looking down at Jessie.

"Do you need help?" asked Katie as she reached out her hand.

Jessie began to feel increasingly nervous. She knew what they were doing wasn't right. She knew they could get into a lot of trouble. But she also knew that Katie would never lead her into any kind of real danger. So she just shook her head and made her way up the wall. When she got to the top, she stood next to Katie and looked out at what was in front of them.

"Whoa," exclaimed Jessie.

"Yeah," said Katie, while nodding her head.

Jessie was taking in the scene before her. She had never seen a backyard as big as this in all her life. But it wasn't just the size of the yard, it was the remarkably massive pool that took up most of back yard. Jessie was astonished. She had never seen anything like it. A pool of palatial standards, complete with a miniature waterfall (which wasn't turned on) and surrounded by a marble deck. It was dark outside, but the lights in the pool were on, giving off a splendid blue color that Katie could see reflecting in Jessie's eyes.

Katie smiled. "So…you like it?"

"Uh…yeah. This is incredible. Where are we?"

Katie cleared her through. "Grayson Mansion."

Jessie looked at Katie incredulously. "Grayson mansion?"

"Yup."

"As in Rebecca Grayson?"

"Yup."

"As in 'the girl who hates you and doesn't even know I exist' Rebecca Grayson?" asked Jessie.

"Yup."

"Okay. So why are we here? I mean, I don't think she's gonna let us use her pool. Especially at 12:30 at night," replied Jessie.

"Right. But she's also the 'my rich parents are taking me to Europe for two weeks' Rebecca Grayson."

Jessie looked at her, stunned. "You can't be serious."

"What?" asked Katie, innocently, as she began to climb down from the wall and into Rebecca's yard.

"Katie…we're trespassing."

"But nobody's home. Besides, consider it my birthday gift from her, seeing as how she forgot to give me one when she so eloquently crashed my party and embarrassed me in front of everyone." Katie reached out her hand to help Jessie down.

"So, we're basically here to get revenge on Rebecca?" asked Jessie.

"Well…yeah."

Jessie smiled. "Okay. That's all I needed to know." She climbed down off the wall and walked over to Katie.

"Plus, you were hot. This is just a way to cool off for now. Kind of a bonus in the revenge scheme of things," said Katie.

Jessie tentatively walked over to the pool, bent over and dipped her hand it. "Wow. It's kind of perfect." She pulled her hand out and flung some drops towards Katie's face.

Katie flinched. "Hey. Watch it."

The two girls stood there, each one waiting for the other to suggest something or make a move. Katie finally gave in.

"So…you wanna go for swim?"

Jessie shrugged shyly. "I don't know. I mean…what if we get caught. Don't they have employees, or security or something?"

"Maybe. But do you really think they'll be checking the pool every fifteen minutes?"

Jessie hesitantly looked at the pool. "Um…we don't have bathing suits or anything."

The smile faded from Katie's face. She hadn't thought that far ahead. "Oh. You're right. I guess I didn't think this through."

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "Katie always tells me: 'The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.'"_

While Katie was trying to think of a solution, Jessie did something she never thought she'd do in a million years. She kicked off her shoes, nervously grabbed at the hem of her shirt and timidly pulled it up over her head, leaving her in just her shorts and a bra. Katie's breath caught in her throat. Her eyes grew wide watching Jessie. She didn't know whether to keep watching or turn around and look away. Jessie looked back at Katie and smiled coyly.

"Right," said Katie. "Okay. Good idea." Her hands were trembling as she took off her shirt. Jessie went to grab it and walked over to the back wall to hang their shirts up so they wouldn't get wet. Katie was now in a conundrum. She wasn't as smart as Jessie and decided to wear jeans today, which were not the most comfortable things to swim in. She didn't want to swim in them, but definitely didn't want to make Jessie nervous in any way. She finally decided if Jessie was brave enough to remove her shirt, then she should be brave enough to do this. She took her shoes off, unbuttoned her jeans and stepped out of them as Jessie was coming back. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Katie in her underwear and bra. She didn't want to look like she was staring, but she couldn't help it. Katie looked absolutely beautiful. Katie watched as Jessie's eyes kept shifting focus from Katie's body to the ground. The older girl smiled knowing Jessie was obviously feeling the same way she was.

"Hey. So, you ready?" asked Katie.

"Yeah." Jessie made her way over to Katie as they stood at the edge of the pool.

Katie looked out over the pool. "Wow. Pretty amazing. What do you think?"

Jessie turned and looked at Katie.

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "I've never seen anything more breathtaking in all my life."_

"It's nice," replied Jessie.

Katie took Jessie's hand. "Ready?"

"Yeah."

"All right. Let's go."

They simultaneously jumped into the air and allowed the cool water to engulf their bodies as they landed in the pool. Their hands detached from each other once they hit the water. Jessie opened her eyes to see how deep the water was. She was about six feet under water. She continued holding her breath while she looked around for Katie. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Katie looking back at her. Jessie kept moving her arms to stay under water. Their eyes remained locked on each other until Katie looked up. Jessie could tell she was running out of breath, so they both swam for the surface. As they came up for air, Katie ran her hands through her hair to keep it out of her face. Jessie just enjoyed watching Katie. All she could hear were the tiny splashes they were making.

"Wow. That was refreshing," said Katie.

Jessie smiled as the two of them faced each other only a foot apart. They were submerged in water up to their chins and continually had to move their arms to stay afloat.

"This is probably one of the best ideas you've ever had," said Jessie.

"Yes, I'm quite proud of it," replied Katie as she made her way towards the shallow end of the pool. Jessie followed her, trying not to make too much noise from swimming.

Katie sat on the bottom step of the pool, which still left most of her body covered with water. Jessie leaned her head back and started floating on her back. Katie smiled as she watched this.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I really…I mean, I know you know this, but…I really like you."

_Black and White_

_Katie: "When am I the most afraid? That would probably have to be that moment of silence right after I say something that I know I might regret. Just waiting for that answer. That moment where they're contemplating what I just said and trying to figure out how to respond…those are the scariest moments in my life. It's like I can't breathe or something."_

Jessie moved her legs so her feet touched the bottom of the pool. She looked over at Katie. "I know you do."

Katie nodded, unable to look at Jessie.

Jessie began floating on her back again and slowly started drifting away from Katie. "I like you, too," said Jessie.

Katie looked up as Jessie found her footing on the floor of the pool again.

"I thought you knew that," said Jessie. "From your birthday."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. It's just…sometimes I have to read that note on the picture just to remind myself of how you feel," said Katie as she looked down again. Jessie just looked at her, not knowing what to say.

_Black and White_

_Katie: "Longest…silence…ever."_

"I'm sorry," continued Katie. "It's probably just me being overly sensitive."

"No. No, actually you're not being overly sensitive." Jessie started swimming her way back towards Katie and joined her on the bottom step. "I guess I haven't been very vocal about how I feel. At least not as often as I should."

Katie took a deep breath.

_Black and White_

_Katie: "Breathe. It's okay. You can breathe now."_

Jessie took Katie's hand and brought it up to the surface. Their fingers interlocked as Jessie looked at Katie. "I guess I need to remind myself that you emotions are just as fragile as mine sometimes."

"Yeah…I'm not as thick-skinned as you may think," said Katie.

Jessie nodded. "I do like you, Katie. A lot. And I feel more for you than I've ever felt for anybody. And when you were gone this summer, all I did was think about you and count down the days until you got back."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Good," replied Katie. "Now I don't feel so stupid for doing the same thing."

"So…do you want to…" Jessie couldn't finish her sentence.

"Do I want to what?"

_Black and White:_

_Jessie: "It's not that hard. Just spit it out. Just say it."_

"Do you want to…" Jessie sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm new at this."

"I'm not exactly a pro either," assured Katie.

Jessie looked at the older girl and found a calmness in those eyes looking back at her. She took a deep breath and started over. "Do you want to…make this…official? I mean…do you want to, like, be together? Just us?"

Katie smiled. "Yeah. I definitely want to do that."

"Okay. So…okay." Jessie breathed a sigh of relief and stood up. "Well, come on then. Let's go swimming."

Katie joined Jessie as they went under water and swam towards the deep end. They spent the next half hour just having fun and splashing around, enjoying the break from the massive heat wave. They divided the night between swimming and talking. They talked about everything. About school, about their families, about their friends.

Katie was in the middle of one of her laughing fits as their midnight swim continued. "Can you believe Tad actually had a crush on Sally Field as the flying nun? I mean, Gidget, I can understand, but the flying nun? I can't believe he admitted that. I mean, I used to have a crush on Alex Trebek as a kid, but I'm smart enough to take that to my grave."

Jessie looked at Katie. "Oh really."

Katie froze. She was caught. "Oh crap. Well…at least until now."

"So, you like smart guys with mustaches?" teased Jessie.

"Yes, and gray hair," replied Katie as she splashed Jessie.

They stayed there, hovering over the deep end of the pool. They were both silent now, just enjoying looking at each other. Katie made her way closer to Jessie. She could hear Jessie's breath growing heavier.

"You getting tired?" asked Katie.

"A little."

Katie came even closer to Jessie and put her hand on Jessie's hips, tying to hold her up. They were face to face now; only inches apart from each other's lips. The mixture of the heat from the air and the cold water caused steam to rise up from the pool. But through the steam, Katie could see Jessie's eyes piercing back at her. Jessie wrapped her arms around Katie's back as her hands began to caress Katie's smooth, wet skin. They were now letting their legs do all the work keeping them above water as their hands and arms were wrapped up in each other. Katie slowly leaned in and captured Jessie's lips. The kiss was intense, passionate, and definitely the most erotic one either of them had experienced. They stayed there, holding each other up in the pool. Water was dripping down their faces. Katie continued to grasp Jessie's hips as Jessie slid her hands up and ran through Katie's damp hair. Jessie began to breathe heavily as she heard Katie faintly moan. Katie was enjoying every moment of this kiss as her fingers took pleasure in the feel of Jessie's skin under the water. In the silence of the night, all they could hear was the water they were treading as they fell deeper and deeper into the kiss. Jessie's tongue could taste the fresh water on Katie's lips. While this kiss was highly stimulating and emotionally charged, there was still a simple innocence about this moment. The girls were discovering new sensations their bodies were introducing to them, but they both knew it would only go so far. They slowly pulled away as they gazed at each other adoringly.

They shared a secret smile between the two of them and leisurely leaned in for another kiss, but stopped suddenly as a light was flashed in their eyes. They quickly pulled apart.

"Hey. What are you two doing there?!?! This is private property!"

Katie covered her forehead with her hand. She was blinded by the light and trying to see who was shining it on them. Finally, she could see a man in a security uniform. Katie had to think quickly.

"Uh…we're friends of Rebecca's. She said we could use her pool while she was in Europe."

Jessie stayed silent and sort of ducked behind Katie, hoping that somehow Katie could make this better.

"They never said anything about friends coming over," yelled the security guard.

"Well, Rebecca told me two days ago that we could use the pool any time we wanted while they were away."

The security guard looked at Katie skeptically. "You two stay right there. I'm going to call the Grayson's to confirm this," said the security guard as he headed back towards his booth near the front driveway.

"Yeah, like THAT'LL happen." Katie turned to Jessie. "Um, okay…run."

The girls quickly jumped out of the pool. Katie grabbed her jeans and their shoes as they ran towards the back wall. They climbed up as fast as they could, not even stopping to change first. As they jumped down over to the other side of the wall, Jessie grabbed their shirts. They struggled to get their shirts on as they ran towards Katie's car. Their hearts were pounding, worried that they would get caught. They finally got to Katie's car as Katie was just buttoning up her jeans. She unlocked the doors, threw their shoes in the back and once they were both safely in the vehicle, she sped off down the street.

Both girls were out of breath the entire way home. Once they pulled up to Jessie's house, they turned and looked at each other. Jessie cracked a smile and they both started laughing.

"Wow," exclaimed Katie. "That was close."

"Yeah. Can you promise me one thing?" asked Jessie.

"Anything."

"Can that please be the last time we commit a felony?"

"I think that was more of a misdemeanor, but I get what you're saying. Yes, I promise. That will be the last time we break the law," said Katie.

"I guess we should go in. It's almost 2am."

"Jess, I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to make you do that. I mean, I hope you don't think I'm trying to be a bad influence, or anything."

"Don't worry about it. It was…kind an adventure. And definitely the most fun I've had in a long time. Besides, we didn't get caught."

"True. Thank God. And at least we got a little revenge on Rebecca," said Katie.

They got out of the car and made their way up the walkway. As quietly as she could, Jessie opened the front door and tip-toed her way in, followed by Katie. Once the door was closed, Jessie turned around to see Rick and Lily standing there waiting for them.

"Dad—"

"Jessie, where the hell were you?" asked Rick.

Jessie looked over at Katie, unsure of how to answer that question.

To Be Continued….


	6. Chapter 6

"So, what happened?"

Jessie looked down at her fingernails. Anything to avoid eye contact with Dr. Rosenfeld.

"I told them it was too hot in the attic, so we just went for a walk," replied Jessie.

"And that worked?"

"Well, I think they were a little skeptical since our hair was wet, but I told them some sprinklers went off where we were walking."

"Did you get in trouble?"

"Grounded for a week. They weren't happy about us sneaking out in the middle of the night, even if it was just to take a walk."

"But it wasn't to take a walk," Dr. Rosenfeld stated.

"I know. But it was just easier that way. I mean, what was I supposed to say? We left to take a late-night swim in someone else's pool?"

"Were you afraid to tell them where you were, or were you afraid to tell them what you were doing with Katie?"

Dr. Rosenfeld's office suddenly began to grow increasingly smaller as he continued his line of questioning with Jessie. She finally looked up at him.

"I wasn't doing anything with her. We were just swimming."

Dr. Rosenfeld looked at Jessie, trying to wear her down. She took the bait.

"Okay, well, we were swimming MOST of the time," said Jessie.

"So it's been a week, your punishment is over. Obviously your dad was upset about you sneaking out. How did your mom feel about it?"

"She wasn't too happy either. My dad wasn't going to punish me, but my mom talked him into it. She lectured both me and Katie about it, too."

"Does she like Katie?"

"Oh yeah, she really likes her. She even said that when she was talking to us. It almost seemed like she just couldn't stay mad at her or something. Every time she looked at Katie, she struggled to keep from smiling."

"Well, you're incredibly lucky you didn't get caught. I don't need to tell you what you did was wrong."

She shifted her focus from Dr. Rosenfeld to the window on her left. She'd give anything to just be outside right now. She wasn't in the mood to be lectured yet again by another adult who supposedly knows what it's like to be a teenager and make stupid mistakes.

"I know," admitted Jessie.

"And I don't need to tell you that lying to your parents is wrong," reiterated Dr. Rosenfeld.

"And yet, you still seem to be telling me."

"Well, I can't condone lying to your parents, Jessie. I know you don't want to tell them about you and Katie, but maybe now's the time. Before they find out on their own. Then you won't have to lie to them anymore."

Jessie looked back at Dr. Rosenfeld. "But what if I tell them, and they don't let me see her anymore? Then I'd still have to lie to them because I'm obviously not going to stay away from her."

Dr. Rosenfeld thought for a moment and then sighed.

"What?" asked Jessie. "No words of wisdom? No clever advice? Not even a witty remark?"

"I can see why you're debating this."

"So…what should I do?"

Dr. Rosenfeld smiled and shook his head. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"Thanks. You've been a big help," replied Jessie sarcastically.

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The following Monday, Jessie was sitting in her English class, trying not to fall asleep. She had hoped there was a slight possibility of Mr. Dimitri coming back to Upton Sinclair to teach this year, but the school board had officially voted against it. True, there was a scandal surrounding him and Grace, so him leaving was probably best for everyone involved. But if he were here, at least he would have made class more interesting than the man who was teaching now. The stories Katie and Grace would tell her about Dimitri made her look forward to junior year English class. But sadly, she was stuck with a sixty five-year-old, monotone, twice-divorced, bitter old man who should have retired a long time ago. She tried to drown out the sound the dreary sound of his voice. The only thing keeping her awake were thoughts of Katie. She closed her eyes just for a second, or at least it seemed like a second.

"Jessie. Jessie, wake up."

Jessie stirred as she heard someone whisper her name. She lifted her head off her desk and turned to look at her friend, Marni, who was sitting next to her.

"You fell asleep," whispered Marni.

"Oh…thanks. I guess I just haven't gotten much sleep lately," replied Jessie. The bell startled Jessie, as she was still half asleep. She got up, gathered her stuff and walked out the door to head to her next class. Marni walked quickly to catch up with her.

"So what do you have next?"

"Oh, uh…Civics. What about you?" asked Jessie.

"Gym. My least favorite part of the day," answered Marni.

"Well, at least you get to be outside."

They continued making their way through the hall as a smile quickly appeared on Jessie's face. Katie was heading right toward her. She was surrounded by her usual group of friends, of course, but she could already see that Katie had spotted her. Katie's face lit up at the sight of Jessie and both girls paid no attention to the people around them. They were just trying to get to each other.

Jessie heard Marni going on about how she hated gym and thought it should be outlawed in every school, but Jessie was only half listening. She knew that she wouldn't have any time to talk to Katie, but just sharing a look with her was all she needed to get her through her next class.

Katie tried to listen to what her friends were saying, as well, but could only really concentrate on Jessie. She knew they had to make this passing discreet. They didn't want to risk anyone finding out about them.

The same thought was going through Jessie's mind at the moment. She wanted to touch Katie. She wanted to feel her skin for just one moment, but knew it had to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Finally, the moment came. Each girl had slowed down their pace ever-so-slightly so they could make the moment last. As Katie passed by, Jessie faintly extended her right hand out. Katie did the same with her left hand. The hallway was crowded with students, so they knew there was very little chance of anyone seeing this. Katie slowly grazed her hand along Jessie's as their eyes fixated on each other. Finally, Katie gripped Jessie's hand tightly, sending shockwaves through Jessie's entire body. Then she quickly let go once they passed each other. Jessie felt something in her hand. She looked down to see a piece of paper that Katie had covertly slipped her. She looked back just in time to see Katie looking back at her.

"So, I'll see you later, Jess," said Marni.

Jessie turned back around to face Marni. "Oh, yeah. I'll see ya. Good luck in gym class."

As Marni walked off, Jessie looked back at Katie, who was just turning the corning, disappearing out of her sight. She walked into her Civics class, sat down at her desk and opened up the piece of paper Katie had given her.

"Hey Jess. Try to get out of class at 10:30 if you can. –Katie"

Jessie folded up the paper and looked at the clock: 10:05. This was going to be a long twenty five minutes.

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "I don't do this. I don't trespass on other people's property. I don't lie to my parents. I don't ditch class. I just don't. It's not in my nature. But for her…well, I think I'd pretty much do anything. The thing is, I've been NOT doing that stuff my whole life. So maybe I deserve to be a little rebellious now and then. A little."_

At 10:30, Jessie raised her hand. "Mrs. Schaeffer? Can I use the restroom."

"Fine. Make it quick," replied the teacher as she handed Jessie the pass.

Jessie walked out the door and realized she had no idea where she was supposed to go. She stood there, slightly confused until she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hey!"

Jessie turned around to see Katie standing there. "Hey."

Katie grabbed her hand and led her down the hallway. "Come on."

"Where are we going? I only have a couple minutes."

"I know, me too," replied Katie as she led them into the cafeteria.

Jessie looked around. "Are you hungry or something?"

"No. I just figured this place would be empty right now. And it is."

Jessie smiled awkwardly at Katie, not really knowing what to say.

"I just wanted to see you. I…I missed you," said Katie. She leaned into Jessie and whispered, "Can I kiss you?"

Jessie, who was rendered speechless, only nodded. Katie looked around one more time to make sure no one was there. When she saw it was clear, she leaned in and kissed Jessie. Her lips lingered only for a moment before she pulled away. It was short, but very sweet. She looked at Jessie and smiled.

"That's all I needed. Let me walk you back to class before you get into trouble." Katie led Jessie back out into the hallway. Jessie was still on a high from what just happened.

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "Sometimes it's the simplest words that end up taking your breath away."_

They were holding hands outside Jessie's classroom. Katie was starting to get worried since Jessie hadn't said anything on the way back.

"I'm sorry I pulled you out of class for that. I really need to stop being such a bad influence," said Katie.

"No," protested Jessie. "No, it's okay. It was definitely worth it."

They stood there smiling at each other. Jessie's eyes swiftly looked Katie up and down.

"Well, I should get back."

"Yeah…me too," said Katie. "I'll see you later."

Jessie watched Katie as she hurriedly walked down the hall and turned the corner back towards her classroom. She smiled and shook her head. It was official. Jessie was definitely falling for this girl.

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After school, Katie drove Jessie to her mom's house. As they walked in, Jessie was startled to see Karen's boyfriend, Henry, in their kitchen.

"Oh, hi Henry."

"Jessie, how are you?" asked Henry.

"Uh…I'm fine. How are you?" She was still a little confused as to why he was there.

"I'm doing great."

Jessie looked back at Katie, who just shrugged.

"Is my mom home?" asked Jessie.

"No, she said she'd be home around five," replied Henry as he began opening some cabinets and pulling various pots and pans out. He stopped suddenly when he felt two pairs of eyes watching him. He stood up and turned around to face Jessie. "And I just realized you're probably wondering why I'm here when your mom isn't."

"The thought had crossed my mind."

"Well, I hope you don't mind, but I told her I'd make dinner for you guys tonight. She said she'd be home a little later, so she left me a key so I could get an early start. I hope that's okay."

Jessie nodded. "Oh, yeah. That's fine. I was just…a little confused."

They stood there in silence for a moment until Katie decided the silence was making her uncomfortable.

"So, what are you making?" asked Katie.

Jessie looked over at her. "Oh, right. Henry, this is my friend Katie. Katie, this is Henry. He's dating my mom."

Katie walked up and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. I've heard a lot about you. And to answer your question, I'm making baked risotto."

"Need any help?" asked Katie.

"Are you any good in the kitchen?"

"Oh, Katie's a great cook," Jessie chimed in.

Henry looked over at Jessie. "And what about you?"

"Me? I'm really good at sitting and watching people cook. And I'm also not bad at eating." Jessie looked at Katie. "But, didn't you want to get some homework done first?"

"I'm really not in any rush to do my homework, Jess," replied Katie.

Obviously Katie wasn't getting the hint, so Jessie tried again. "Well, do you mind helping me with mine?" She kept her eyes on Katie, hoping to convey that what she really wanted was some alone time.

"I don't mind, but can't we do it later? I've never made risotto before. I'm kind of curious to see how it's made."

Jessie just stared at the older girl. Katie definitely didn't understand what she was getting at. She knew once Katie had food on her mind, there was really no point in trying to get her to think about something else. She really did love to cook and far be it from Jessie to stand in the way of that.

"Okay, then. I'll just…sit. And watch," said Jessie as she took a seat at the counter.

"Great. Katie, can you hand me that head of lettuce in the fridge. I'm making salad, too," said Henry.

Jessie began reading through her history book while Henry and Katie bonded over their passion for food. Jessie stopped every once in a while to watch Katie in action as she made her way around the kitchen.

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "Sometimes I just watch her. It'll be at the most random times. Like when we're watching a movie she's really into. Instead of the movie, I watch her face just to see her reactions. Or when we're studying. Just the look on her face when she's concentrating really hard. She gets this crinkle in her nose that just…I don't know…it kills me. It's the cutest thing. And she has no idea that she does it."_

Jessie was lost in her stupor when she heard keys rattling at the front door. She got up to open the door and was greeted by her mother.

"Hey!" said Karen as she greeted Jessie with a kiss.

"Hey mom."

"I forgot to tell you that Henry's cooking dinner for us tonight, if that's okay."

"Oh yeah. It's fine. I didn't realize he'd be here, but he explained it all."

"Good. Where's Katie? Did she go home?"

Jessie laughed. "Uh…no. She's right over there."

Karen looked to where Jessie was pointing and couldn't help but smile at the sight of Katie and Henry joining forces in the kitchen. "Wow. Well, Katie does have a way of making fast friends."

"I don't think Henry knew what hit him. She started talking about some recipe for goulash and his face just lit up."

Henry heard voices coming from the living room and turned around. "Hey! You're just in time. Dinner's almost ready."

"Great. Jessie, why don't you go get Eli. I think he's in his room," said Karen.

Jessie felt her face go flush at the mention of Eli's name. They hadn't really spoken very much since that day Katie borrowed his cd. She was too embarrassed to face him. She knew that he more than likely knew about her and Katie, but just didn't have the courage to find out for sure. So she never asked. And he never brought it up, either. She hesitantly knocked on Eli's door.

"Eli, dinner's ready."

"Okay, I'll be right there," said Eli, through the door.

Jessie spent the majority of dinner making it a point not to look at Eli. But Eli was the exact opposite. He really didn't mean to, but for some reason he couldn't stop looking back and forth from Jessie to Katie. He knew it was none of his business, but he also wanted to be sure that his suspicions were correct.

_Black and White_

_Eli: "It wouldn't matter to me. Honestly." He looks down, unsure. "I mean, she's my sister. So, why would it matter?" He pauses for a moment, then looks away from the camera._

"This is amazing. Henry, thank you," said Karen.

"Well, Katie had a serious hand in it. I never would have thought to add mizithra cheese."

"Well, Katie, thank you too. This is really great," said Karen.

"Oh, yeah. You're welcome. It was a lot of fun to make," replied Katie.

She knew it might be a bad idea, but Katie couldn't help but look over at Jessie. She wanted to see her reaction to the food.

_Black and White_

_Katie: "Sometimes I just like to watch her. And she doesn't even know I'm watching her. But at any random time, I'll just look over at her. Like when she's singing. She closes her eyes and gets this look on her face like she's in another place and time. It's the cutest thing."_

Right away, Eli took notice of Katie looking at his sister. He could see something in her eyes that pretty much proved they were more than just friends. He looked away before either of them saw him staring. He went back to his food as if nothing had happened. Katie finally realized it would be a good idea to stop looking at Jessie. She reached her hand under the table and took Jessie's hand. Jessie looked over at her and smiled.

_Black and White_

_Katie puts her head in her hand and giggles: "Am I blushing? Oh God, I'm blushing aren't I?"_

To Be Continued……


	7. Chapter 7

Jessie's mind was scrambled at this moment. She didn't know which way was up or down. She felt dizzy. All she could feel were Katie's lips pressed against hers as their tongues hungrily discovered each other's mouths. Jessie probably wouldn't even have been able to recognize her own name if it weren't for Katie softly whispering it.

"Jessie…"

At the sound of Katie softly moaning her name, Jessie tightened her grip on Katie's back and pulled her in to a deeper kiss. Katie obliged and continued to eagerly move her lips against Jessie's. Jessie, panting heavily, could barely keep up. Katie almost couldn't contain her excitement. She wanted to move her hands all over Jessie, but instead, they pulled away from each other. Jessie had to catch her breath. And Katie had to calm herself down.

Jessie looked over at the older girl. "Wow."

"Yeah," said Katie. "Well, that was a definite detour. That was intense. Almost made me forget what we were talking about."

Jessie looked at Katie, innocently. "Almost?"

Katie looked at Jessie, her eyes pleading. "Jess…"

Jessie looked Katie nervously. Her hand started shaking as Katie reached over and put her hand on Jessie's thigh.

Jessie took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous."

"It's okay. It's perfectly normal to be nervous." Katie looked at her girlfriend with complete affection. Her gentle gaze helped Jessie to relax a little bit.

Jessie ran her finger along Katie's hand, which was still on Jessie's thigh. "It's just I…I've never…done this before."

Katie nodded. "I know." She began to massage Jessie's thigh in order to calm her down and let her know she'd be there with her every step of the way. Jessie loved the feel of Katie's hand massaging her leg. It was making this a lot easier for her. She closed her eyes and sighed, trying to mentally prepare herself.

"Katie, I just don't think I'm ready. I'm sorry."

"Jess, you're ready. Trust me. It's gonna be okay. I promise."

"But…I mean…how do you know? How am I supposed to know if I'm ready?" asked Jessie.

"Do you trust me?"

Jessie nodded. "Yes. Completely. You know I do. But Katie, I'm only fifteen."

"But you'll be sixteen soon. Then before you know it, you'll be seventeen, then eighteen, then twenty five. I really don't see the age factor as a very good defense for you." Katie moved her hand from Jessie's thigh up to her face and began to tuck some pieces of hair behind Jessie's ear. The feel of Katie's finger on her skin was beginning to drive Jessie crazy. She knew Katie was right. There was something about this girl that gave her strength she never knew she had.

"But what if we get caught?" Jessie protested.

"Jess, you're stalling…again. Look, maybe you're right. I shouldn't pressure you. And you know I would never pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, but I know you want this. We've talked about it. Extensively."

"Yeah but—"

Katie rolled her eyes at Jessie's latest protest. "For crying out loud, Jess! Just turn the ignition and start the engine! It's just a car. We've got our seatbelts on. We're on a residential street. You can go five miles per hour if you want, but just do it already!"

Jessie looked at Katie, appalled. She knew Katie wasn't yelling at her. It was more of an act of encouragement. She looked ahead out the windshield of Katie's car and smiled. "You know, have I ever told you you're kinda cute when you're forceful?"

"No."

"Good," stated Jessie. "Because I'd be lying. You tend to make an ugly face when you yell."

Katie smiled. "Oh, I see. So you're saying you wanna WALK home. Okay. I can live with that." Katie reached over and grabbed the keys out of the ignition. Jessie tried to reach for them, but the seatbelt was hindering her.

"No, no. I'll do it! I'll do it!" exclaimed Jessie as she took off her seatbelt and reach over to the passenger side to try to get the keys away from Katie.

Katie was having too much fun playing keep-away. "No, no. That's fine. I wouldn't want you crashing my car anyway."

"I won't crash it. Just give me the keys!" said Jessie, as she started tickling her girlfriend, trying to get her to drop those sacred keys.

Katie started laughing and squirming, but refused to give in. "Nope! You had your chance. Maybe you can stall some more by kissing me again like you did before."

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "Okay, so in hindsight, making out in a car in broad daylight may not have been the best idea. I mean, we were parked on a curb. Anyone could have walked by and seen us. But it's not like I was that careless. I mean, it wasn't either of our neighborhoods. But still, it was a risk. A risk that was definitely worth it. Even if I did use it as a means to stall."_

Jessie gave up and took her place back in the driver's seat. "So…you kinda saw through that, huh?"

"Yeah. Not that I'm complaining, but it was a little obvious." Katie dangled the keys in front of Jessie. "Are you sure you're ready?"

Jessie grabbed the keys and slid them into the ignition. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Okay. Well, no car has driven down this street in the last twenty minutes, so it's a safe bet that you can go as slow as you want. Just remember: the wide pedal on the left is the break, the skinny one on the right is the gas."

"Wow. You must think I'm really dumb," said Jessie, as she started the engine. "Okay, so which one is reverse? Is that the D?"

Katie looked at her, dumbfounded.

"I'm kidding! Geez. You really do think I'm dumb, don't you?" asked Jessie.

"Well…you ARE blonde," replied Katie, nonchalantly.

"Can we please nix the blonde jokes today? That would be great. Thanks." Jessie turned on the engine, put her foot on the break, and slowly put the car in drive.

"Okay," said Katie. "Now there's no one in front of you, so just ease your foot off the break and pull into the street…" Before Katie could continue, both girls lurched forward as Jessie slammed on the break.

"Sorry!" exclaimed Jessie. She felt the need to explain after seeing the incredulous look Katie was giving her. "Uh…I got scared."

"Oookay," said Katie. "Let's try this again. So you're halfway in the street now. That's good. We're making progress."

Jessie slowly hit the gas as she steadied the steering wheel out. She was going about eight miles per hour, which actually impressed Katie. It was a full three miles more than she thought Jessie would drive.

_Black and White_

_Katie: "My dad taught me to drive. I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that. He was incredibly uptight when it came to me driving. When we were done with a lesson, I'd have to pry my hands off the steering wheel. He made me that nervous. I mean, he's a good guy. And an okay dad, I guess. But he always made me nervous."_

"Wow, Jess. You're doing really well."

"Sshhhh, no talking….I'm concentrating," said Jessie, her eyes focused intently on the road ahead.

"Okay," laughed Katie. "Whatever keeps you safe."

Once Jessie felt a little more comfortable, she increased her speed to fifteen miles per hour. She had driven around the entire block without incident, so she finally felt comfortable enough to carry on a conversation.

"By the way, Katie, you lied to me," stated Jessie.

"What? How did I lie to you?"

"You promised me we wouldn't break the law anymore," informed Jessie.

"And?"

"I'm fifteen, without a legal guardian, and I have no license."

Katie pondered that for a moment and slumped her shoulders. "Huh. You're right. Damn it. I hate it when you're right."

Jessie smiled, rather pleased with herself. "You love it." She continued gloating until she suddenly slammed on the breaks again. "Whoa!"

Once again, their bodies pitched forward at the sudden movement. "What is it?" asked Katie, as she reached her hands out to the dashboard.

"There's a car."

"Where?" Katie couldn't see anything.

"Up there," pointed Jessie. Katie finally saw what she was talking about.

"Jess, it's like thirty feet away."

"I got scared," said Jessie as she looked adoringly at Katie. Katie knew Jessie was using her cuteness to her advantage. And it was definitely working.

Katie shook her head and grinned. "You are too adorable for words. Come on. Pull over. I'll drive you home."

Jessie pulled over to the curb and both girls got out of the car. As they passed by each other, Katie brushed Jessie's arm with her hand. "You did good. Really good. I'm proud of you."

Jessie blushed as she got into the passenger seat. It was a Saturday afternoon in late October. The leaves were starting to fall. The air was a little more crisp. As Jessie watched Katie on the drive home, the sun shining through the window brought out the radiating beauty in Katie's face. She reached over, took Katie's hand and put it on her lap. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and envisioned the rest of her life being just like this. She felt truly content.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

As they walked through the door, Jessie was immediately welcomed by Rick.

"Jessie! Good. You're here. Everyone's in the kitchen."

"Why? It's not dinner time yet," replied Jessie.

"Well, we've got some news. About the baby and we wanted everyone to be here when we announced it," said Rick.

Katie backed up towards the door. "Oh. I'll just head home. I'll call you later, Jess."

"Oh you don't have to leave, Katie," protested Rick. "You're more than welcome to stay. Come on. Both of you."

He led them into the kitchen where Jessie could plainly see he wasn't kidding. Everyone was there. Eli, Grace, Zoe, Lily…even Judy and Sam. Jessie was surprised Jake and Tiffany weren't called over, though she supposed that would have been a little awkward. Katie and Jessie took a seat at the table as everyone waited to hear what the big news was.

Rick put his arm around Lily and looked at her. "Do you want to tell them?"

Lily smiled. "Sure." As she looked over at her family, her entire face was beaming. "We're having a girl!"

"Oh that's so great! Congratulations!" exclaimed Judy, as she jumped up and hugged her sister.

"Another girl?" asked Zoe. She was quickly stifled by Grace, who nudged her in the shoulder.

"That's great, mom!" said Grace, as it was her turn to hug Lily.

"I'm with Zoe," said Eli. "Another girl?" he joked as he playfully elbowed Zoe.

Rick and Lily knew he was teasing. Still, it couldn't be easy being the only male sibling in the family.

Jessie looked over at Katie, who was wildly grinning. "That's awesome. Aren't you excited, Jess?"

Jessie reached her hand under the table and took Katie's hand. "Yeah. I'm really excited. Congratulations, you guys." Jessie looked back at Katie with an impassioned gaze in her eyes.

Katie loved the feeling of Jessie's hand in hers, even if it was hidden from the rest of the world. She simply could not stop smiling. "So do you guys have a name picked out now that you know it's a girl?" asked Katie.

Rick looked quizzically at Lily. "Uh…well, we're getting closer to picking a name. Managed to finally narrow it down to eight choices. We'll get there."

_Black and White_

_Rick: "It was like the moment I found out Karen was having a girl. When I found out she was having Jessie. I never thought I could feel anything so…real…and raw…in all my life. Suddenly there was this little human being; this little girl. With a heartbeat, and…just this life force that I helped create. I mean, I felt it with Eli, too. But with Jessie, it was like this sudden need to protect her. Before she was even born. I just can't believe I'm feeling it all over again."_

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "I'm actually really excited about the baby. I mean, I know most kids hate it when there's a new baby in the house, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. I mean, maybe they'll be so focused on the baby that they won't notice…I don't know…other things." Jessie shyly looks away from the camera._

To Be Continued…


	8. Chapter 8

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "I can feel it happening. I can see it in her face. She tries to hide it, but I see it. That look she gets when I pull away. She'll touch my arm and it'll send shivers up my spine. But we'll be at school, or in front of my family. And as a natural reaction, I flinch. And I know it hurts her. I mean, I'm guilty of it, too. I'll forget where we are and grab her hand in public. And she'll pull her hand away. But I know she only does it to remind me. To make me happy. I just don't know. I really don't think I can deal with it yet. With people knowing."_

_Black and White:_

_Katie: "She thinks it bothers me. I know that's what she's thinking. But it doesn't. Honestly. Personally, I don't think it's anybody's business. I mean, yeah, it's a natural reaction to feel rejected when she pulls away, but it's my own fault. I really do forget sometimes. It's just that…I don't know…touching her is just such a natural thing to me. It's like breathing. Or blinking. It's second nature. It's like I'm not whole, or something. You know…unless I can feel her." Katie rolls her eyes and looks away from the camera, embarrassed. "Oh God. I can't believe I just said that."_

"Hey Billie!"

"Hey!" replied Jessie as she closed her locker.

"Ready for another fun-filled school day?" asked Katie.

"Never. But at least it's almost Thanksgiving break. It'll be nice to have a few days off," said Jessie as she leaned back against her locker.

"Thank God for that. Man, I'm starved. I don't suppose you have anything to—"

Before Katie could even finish her sentence, Jessie dug around in her backpack and pulled out a bag of M&M's. "I had a feeling you'd need your 8am sugar rush."

Katie opened the bag and immediately started eating them. "You know me too well. It's kinda scary, actually."

"Well, that's only because I read your journal and listen in on your phone conversations," replied Jessie.

"Oh really? So then you know all those horrible things I've written about you. Well, I'm sorry you had to find out that way," said Katie as she finished the last of her snack. She put her hand up against the locker and leaned in toward Jessie. Their eyes met and for a moment everything else around them faded away. "Hey," whispered Katie.

"Hey," replied Jessie. She tried to stop herself from smiling, but failed miserably.

Katie reached her other hand up to touch Jessie's face. Jessie looked over to see a group of students looking over at them. Suddenly, she backed away before Katie's hand made contact.

"Uh…I should go," said Jessie.

"So go," replied Katie, slightly dejected.

Jessie looked at Katie for a moment. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"I know. It's okay. Really. I'm the one who should be sorry. I just…forgot," said Katie.

"So, I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah. Definitely."

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "She's upset."_

_Black and White_

_Katie: "I'm not upset."_

_Black and White:_

_Jessie: "I'm such an idiot."_

_Black and White_

_Katie: "Why am I such an idiot?"_

As Katie watched Jessie leave, Grace walked up to her after having watched that entire scene play out.

"People are talking, you know," stated Grace.

"What do you mean?" asked Katie.

"I mean, there are rumors going around. About you."

"There's always rumors going around about me."

"Rumors about you and Jessie," said Grace.

Katie took a deep breath and looked around. "What rumors?"

"Well, that you and Jessie are…you know…together."

"Well, a rumor is just that. It's called a rumor for a reason. That doesn't make it true," informed Katie.

"Yeah, but most rumors are true," said Grace.

"Oh really. Like the one about you having sex with Mr. Dimitri?" asked Katie.

Grace glared at her. "Was that really necessary? Look, I'm just saying this because you should know what some people are saying. I mean, even if it's true, it's not that big a deal. I wouldn't have a problem with it."

Katie started to feel incredibly uncomfortable. Grace was making her nervous. "Look, I don't know why people are saying that."

"Oh come on!" exclaimed Grace. "I mean, you two are always with each other."

"Grace, please."

"What? It really wouldn't matter to me either way."

"Grace, just stop it, okay? I can't believe you would buy into a rumor like that. I mean, you'd believe other people over your own sister?"

"Step-sister. And she really doesn't tell me much."

"Well, have you even tried sticking up for her? Or me? Have you done anything to dispel the rumor?" asked Katie.

"Did you do anything to dispel the rumor about me and Mr. Dimitri?" asked Grace, pointedly.

Katie didn't know how to respond. She knew she was caught. Grace obviously had an inkling that Katie went right to Jessie and told her when she heard about the Dimitri thing. And Katie made no attempts to dismiss the rumor as hearsay.

"Touche," replied Katie. "I'm sorry about that. Really."

"It's okay. Last year's news."

Katie leaned her head against the locker, looking torn. "So is it, like, the whole school?"

"No. Just a few people here and there. And most of them are saying they heard it from Rebecca Grayson."

Katie rolled her eyes. "Of course. Look, Grace…" Katie didn't know how to finish that sentence.

"So is it true?" asked Grace.

Katie had no idea what to say. If she said no, she felt like she would somehow be denying Jessie and denying her feelings. But she knew Jessie wouldn't want her saying yes, either. Katie looked at Grace. "Ask your step-sister. I gotta go. See ya, Grace."

Katie was gone before Grace could react, leaving Grace even more puzzled than before. "Okay. See ya."

_Black and White_

_Katie: "It's like she just wants to know. Just to KNOW. Like it's killing her to not know something. She just has to know everything. Of course, maybe she's just showing genuine concern for sister. Uh…step-sister."_

_Black and White_

_Grace: "Seriously. It's not that big a deal. I just want to know what's going on in Jessie's life." She sighs. "Okay, I know. I'm not buying that either. I just want to know. This is seriously killing me. Would it kill her to just say yes or no?"_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Later that evening, Jessie was eating dinner at her mom's house. Eli was at band practice, so it was just her and her mom. Karen took notice Jessie picked at the food on her plate.

"You're not eating," remarked Karen.

"Oh, I'm just not really in the mood for pasta." That wasn't exactly true. Jessie was just preoccupied thinking about Katie.

"Jessie, you need to eat."

Jessie looked at her mom, incredulously. "Oh my God, we are so not doing this right now."

"What?"

"I'm eating! God. Just because I'm not hungry at the moment doesn't mean—"

"Jessie, I'm not going to argue with you about this. If you don't want pasta, fine. But you need to eat something."

"Fine. I'll have some cereal," said Jessie.

"Fine. So how did you do on your history test?"

"I don't know. Okay, I guess."

"Just okay?"

"Well, I haven't gotten it back yet, so I don't know."

_Black and White_

_Jessie: "I love my mom. I really do, but sometimes…I don't know. She just doesn't know when to let up. She doesn't now when to stop being a mom. I know parents are supposed to ask questions, but I swear my mom is the queen of interrogation."_

Jessie walked back to the table with her cereal. "So mom, is it okay if I meet Katie for coffee later?"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah."

"No, Jess. I don't think so. It's a school night."

"Yeah, but I won't out that late."

"No tonight, Jessie. Your homework's not even done yet."

"I can finish it when I get back."

"You can finish it after dinner. And the answer is no," said Karen.

"Mom—"

"Jessie I would like you home every once in a while. You've been hanging out with Katie every night."

"So?"

"Well, I think maybe you should focus on school for a little while. I mean, your last math test, you got a B minus."

Jessie impatiently dropped her spoon in the bowl. "You're upset with me over a B minus? Are you serious?"

"I'm not saying I'm disappointed in you. I'm just saying I've noticed your grades have dropped a little bit."

"Well, it happens, mom. Nobody's perfect." Jessie walked over to the sink and rinsed out her bowl.

"I know that. I just think maybe you've been seeing Katie too much and you should focus more on getting your grades up."

Jessie angrily dropped the bowl in the sink. "What?!?!"

Karen jumped at the sound and looked over at Jessie.

"Mom, where is this even coming from?! You don't want me to see Katie anymore?"

"I didn't say that, Jessie. I don't even know what we're arguing about. All I said was I don't want you going out tonight."

"I thought you liked Katie."

"I do. I think she's a great friend. But I also think—"

"You know what? Fine. Forget it. Fine. I'll just go do my homework and go to bed. God forbid I should do anything to make you unhappy," said Jessie, as she stormed off.

Karen was left at the table, dumbfounded.

_Black and White_

_Karen: "Okay, what just happened?"_

Karen jolted as she heard Jessie slam her bedroom door shut.

_Black and White_

_Karen: "I went through the same thing with Eli. I suppose I do have a case of the 'over-bearing mother syndrome.' I've been told that on several occasions by Eli. But Jessie's never given me problems. Here I thought we were just having a conversation and she turns it into a fight. I know, I know. She's a teenager. I should just let her be a teenager. But then it feels like I don't care about her well-being."_

"Jessie?" Karen knocked on Jessie's door.

"What?" answered Jessie, shortly.

_Black and White:_

_Karen: "Sometimes I just need to remind myself. She's a teenager."_

"Nothing. Good night, sweetie," said Karen.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, Jessie was in the girls bathroom at school, washing her hands and constantly checking her watch. The door swung open and Katie walked in.

Jessie smiled the moment she saw Katie's face. "I was just about to give up on you."

Katie grabbed some paper towels and handed them to Jessie. "Sorry. I got held up."

"Well, I've got ten minutes until my next class," informed Jessie, as she threw the paper towels in the trash can. She walked up to Katie and put her hands around Katie's waist.

"Ten minutes, huh?" asked Katie. "What did you want to—"

"Katie?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up." And with that, Jessie leaned in and kissed Katie. Katie, who was caught completely off guard, almost lost her balance. She slowly backed up and leaned against the bathroom door, as Jessie relentlessly continued the kiss. Their lips collided almost poetically as each girl couldn't get enough of each other. Katie was blown away by Jessie's strength. Katie reached her hands out to grab on to something; anything. Her left hand found the door handle and grabbed on. Her right hand only found the cold tile on the bathroom wall, but it was substantial enough to keep her from falling over. The more pleasure Jessie was bringing to her lips, the tighter she grabbed on to that door handle. Katie softly moaned as Jessie moved her lips down to Katie's neck, and slowly used her tongue to explore her skin. Katie had no idea this was going to happen. She had asked Jessie to meet her in the bathroom during their morning break because she wanted to talk to her about what Grace had told her. Jessie slowly eased up on Katie's neck and brought her lips back for one more kiss.

"So…what did you want to talk to me about?" asked Jessie, as she leaned back on the sink.

_Black and White_

_Katie stands there looking at the camera, speechless_

"Uh…I….I…"

"Katie?"

Katie finally started to come out of her trance. She gradually let go of the door handle and moved her other hand away from the wall. She looked down at her left hand and saw a red mark indented where she had grabbed the handle. She looked up at Jessie. She didn't have the heart to tell her about the rumors just yet.

"Oh…it was nothing. I just wanted to see you."

Jessie smiled. "That's it?"

"Well there was something else, but I seem to have forgotten at this moment. I blame you."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I don't know what came over me," said Jessie.

"It's my animal magnetism," suggested Katie. "No one can resist."

They stood there just looking at each other. Katie felt a tightness in her chest just from looking at Jessie. She couldn't explain what it was. It was almost an aching feeling. Looking at her brought up every emotion inside of Katie and it was all building up in that one area in her chest. The feeling was so overwhelming, she could barely breathe.

_Black and White_

_Katie: "It's like this inherent necessity. Like I have to protect her. From everything. And the thought of her being upset in any way, that just hurts me. I guess that's just what it's like to really…care about someone. To really…" She stops mid-sentence and looks at the camera with a grin on her face._

"Well, I better get to class," said Jessie. She gave Katie a quick kiss. "I'll see you."

Katie watched as Jessie walked out the door and smiled to herself.

To Be Continued…


	9. Chapter 9

_**Black and white**_

_Jessie: "Part of me feels like I'm in way over my head. Like I've lost all control of everything around me. My emotions, my body. Everything. And it scares me. Because everything I feel for her is so strong. And…what if it ends? I mean, it could just suddenly stop. She could decide she doesn't want to be with me anymore. And then where would I be? I wouldn't know how to feel anymore. Because, she's the one who taught me how to feel. How to give in to what my heart's been telling me. I look at her and sometimes, I don't know, I feel like at any moment she's just gonna blurt it out. She's gonna look at me and say 'I don't want to be with you anymore.' I don't think I could survive something like that."_

"So what did you tell her?" asked Jessie.

"I told her to ask you," replied Katie as she leaned her head back against Jessie. They were sitting on the floor of Jessie's room in the attic. Jessie was resting against her bed and Katie was leaning back on Jessie, with Jessie's arms wrapped around her. Katie was trying to be as relaxed as she could be at this moment, but something was hindering her from being completely at ease.

"Oh," was all Jessie could say.

"Was that okay? I mean, I really didn't know what to say. And, you know, she's YOUR step-sister. So I guess it's kind of up to you to decide what you want her to know," said Katie. She brought her hands up and took a hold of Jessie's right hand, caressing it lazily.

"Yeah. I know. It's just…I'm not sure how much I want her to know," replied Jessie.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "Oh God. Here it comes. She hates me. I don't blame her. I mean, what's wrong with me? This amazing, beautiful girl wants to be with me and I can't acknowledge it to other people?"_

_**Black and White**_

_Katie looks at the camera, trying to choose her words wisely. She is visibly uncertain._

"So, you don't want her to know?" Katie tried to make the question sound as casual as should could.

"I don't know. I guess not." Jessie felt Katie's hands drop a little bit. They were still holding on to her hand, but the touch had lost some intensity.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "I'm not disappointed. I guess I'm not really surprised, either. I know it's not easy for her. It's not easy for me, either. I guess some people are just more sure of things than other people. And some people just need to be patient…"_

Katie took a deep breath as her fingers slowly entwined with Jessie's. "So you don't want anyone to know. Like…at all."

Jessie moved her head forward until she felt Katie's hair against her face. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of Katie's soft hair. She gripped Katie's hands tighter. "I don't know. I just think it's best if we don't tell anyone."

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "I am the worst person ever."_

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "Not gonna lie. That stung a little."_

Jessie tried her best to redeem herself. She opened her eyes and turned Katie around to face her. "I mean, it's not like no one knows. I told you I think Eli might know."

Katie nodded. "Yeah, but you're not sure."

"I'm pretty sure. And Dr. Rosenfeld knows. And…I just think for now, that's enough. Please don't hate me."

"I don't hate you, Jess. It's okay. Really. It's a lot of pressure to be scrutinized like that. Trust me. I know."

Katie looked away from Jessie. Jessie could tell something was off. Katie's demeanor had changed drastically since yesterday.

"Katie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Katie was now completely facing Jessie as she moved her legs to sit Indian-style. She nervously moved her fingernails along the hardwood floor, while trying to avoid eye contact with Jessie.

"Come on. What is it?"

Katie nervously pursed her lips, contemplating what she was going to say.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "Oh God. She's gonna break up with me."_

Jessie began to feel a sharp pain in her chest. She was growing increasingly nervous about Katie's sudden silence.

"Katie?" Jessie reached her hand over and rested it on Katie's leg.

Katie looked down at Jessie's hand and looked back up, finally able to meet Jessie's gaze. Something had been building up inside of her for a while now.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "How can I tell her? How can I do this?"_

Katie decided it was best not to say anything. Not at this moment. It was such a nice and tender moment. She simply couldn't resist taking this opportunity to let her words subside for once. She leaned forward and kissed Jessie. Jessie instantly grew dizzy feeling Katie's soft lips touching hers. And even though she was thoroughly enjoying this, she felt her neck strain a little bit. It wasn't the easiest position to make out in. They were still facing each other, sitting cross-legged. But as Jessie got more into the kiss, she leaned in closer to feel the full power of Katie's kiss. Jessie's hand leisurely moved up Katie's leg and made its way to Katie's waist. Katie started to move from her sitting position. She got up onto her knees without breaking the kiss and put her left hand behind Jessie's back. She gradually lowered Jessie to the floor while hovering over her. She then moved her hand up to cradle the back of Jessie's neck as Jessie rested her head on the ground. Katie gently lowered herself onto Jessie's body, carefully trying to not crush Jessie with her full weight. Jessie's hands found their way under the material of Katie's shirt. Jessie let her hands gingerly loiter on Katie's smooth skin as their kiss intensified. Katie craved more of Jessie as she seductively ran her tongue along Jessie's lips. Jessie, enjoying the pleasant stimulation on her lips, gripped Katie tighter. As their tongues ignited sparks, Katie moved her hand from behind Jessie's neck and slowly guided her hand down to the base of Jessie's shirt. Katie vigorously moved her lips against Jessie's as she ran her hand along the younger girl's abdomen. As Jessie began to moan against her touch, Katie was becoming increasingly aroused. The feel of Jessie's flesh was intoxicating and the heat emanating off of Jessie's skin was becoming too much for her. She opened her eyes and watched this beautiful creature beneath her. Suddenly, she became incredibly wary of her surroundings and the thoughts that were consuming her mind just a moment ago. She pulled away from Jessie and moved her head to the side. She stayed there for a moment trying to catch her breath, while Jessie was left wondering why she stopped.

"What is it?" asked Jessie.

Katie cautiously pulled herself up off of Jessie and sat down. "Sorry."

"What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I've just hit a lull, I guess. I didn't have lunch today. You know what happens when I don't eat." Katie did her best to ease Jessie's mind, but something told her she wasn't doing a great job of it.

Jessie nodded. Katie did tend to get a little loopy when she hasn't eaten for a few hours. "Ice cream?"

"Ice cream makes everything better," said Katie as they got up and headed down towards the kitchen.

Katie took a seat at the kitchen table as Jessie poked her head inside the freezer. Katie watched the freezer practically swallow Jessie whole as she dug deeper, looking for the ice cream.

"I know it's in here."

"Take your time." Katie began to nervously tap her fingers on the table. She had no idea why she agreed to ice cream at a time like this. Her stomach was in knots. There was no way she'd be able to stomach anything at this moment. Jessie's words had somehow seeped into Katie's thoughts and she couldn't think about anything else. She knew Jessie wasn't ready to come forward with their relationship and she completely understood and respected that. But actually hearing the words come out of her mouth affected Katie more than she thought it would. And it was now completely clouding her judgment. She didn't know what to think anymore.

"Here it is!" Jessie pulled the ice cream out and began to scoop it up into a couple bowls. She couldn't bring herself to look at Katie. She knew something wasn't right, but she didn't want to press Katie about it. She was just glad no one else was home at this time. It probably would have made things a little more tense and awkward.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "I completely screwed this up, didn't I?"_

Jessie brought the bowls over to the table and took a seat next to Katie. Katie took the spoon and pushed the ice cream around instead of eating it. She felt her leg start to shake underneath the table.

Jessie just watched Katie, trying to figure out what she was thinking. She had never had so much difficulty reading Katie. She usually always knew what was going on in Katie's head, but this was very different.

Katie sat and stared the ice cream in front of her as it slowly began to melt. She looked over to see Jessie carefully studying her and realized it had been a while before she said anything.

"I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought," said Katie as she offered her best attempt at a smile.

"That's okay. I guess I'm not either," replied Jessie as she put her spoon down. She continued watching Katie as she felt a lump building up in her throat. She swallowed hard, but the lump was still there. Jessie tried to fight the tears welling up in her eyes. She reached out to touch Katie's hand, but Katie moved her hand before Jessie had a chance to grab it.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie looks at the camera in disbelief: "She's really gonna break up with me."_

_**Black and White**_

_Katie is contemplating everything. She is in her own world, not looking at the camera._

Katie could tell Jessie was upset. "Sorry. I just…" She thought it would be best to change the subject. "So what do you want to do today?"

Jessie, who was bracing herself for the worst, wasn't exactly expecting that question. "Uh…I don't know. We could go to a movie. Or ice skating. Or I guess we could—"

"I love you." Katie immediately closed her eyes, afraid of what Jessie's reaction would be to the words that just flew out of her mouth.

Jessie was awestruck. The thought she heard correctly, but wasn't exactly sure because she was in the middle of a sentence when Katie said it.

"What?"

Katie's eyes were still closed and her head was tilted down. There was no taking this back. She had blurted it out and there was really no way of denying what she just said, so she repeated it. "I love you."

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie stares at the camera dumbfounded: "Well that's…different."_

Jessie took this moment to finally take Katie's hand. "Katie?"

Katie's eyes were still closed, afraid to see what damage she may have caused.

"Katie, look at me."

Katie gradually opened her eyes and looked down at their hands touching. This was a good sign. Obviously Jessie was still here and hadn't run away screaming. When she finally got the courage to look at Jessie, she was blown away by the deep blue eyes staring back at her. Katie's lower lip began quivering waiting for Jessie's response. Katie was stuck in that moment she feared the most. The moment where she was awaiting a response from someone after she had said something life-altering. She continued searching Jessie's eyes, imagining every horrific response she may give. And in that moment, Katie saw her life completely shatter around her. Just the thought of Jessie not feeling the same way haunted Katie. She knew she would be destroyed if that was the case. It seemed as though Jessie was trying to torture her. She began to grow increasingly uncomfortable. The silence in the air was completely deafening for Katie. Her eyes remained fixed on Jessie, pleading with her to say something. Anything.

Jessie was still reeling from what Katie just said. The tears she was fighting earlier now began to flow freely down her cheeks. She squeezed Katie's hand tighter as she felt her heart beating faster. "I love you, too."

"You do?"

Jessie nodded. "Are you kidding? Of course I do!"

Katie smiled. "You took an awfully long time to respond."

"I thought…I thought you were mad. I thought you were gonna break up with me," admitted Jessie.

"Why? Because you don't want to tell anyone about us?" asked Katie.

Jessie shrugged, slightly embarrassed to even hear those words out loud. "Yeah."

"Jess, you just told me you love me. Do you really think I care about anything else? Look, I get that you're not comfortable with telling people. I wish you felt differently, but you don't. And that's okay. All that really matters is how we feel."

"And how do you feel?"

"Right now? Relieved. I've been wanting to tell you that for a while. I mean, this is not exactly how I pictured it happening or where I pictured it."

"You didn't want to say it at the kitchen table over a bowl of melted ice cream?" asked Jessie.

"Not exactly. But you know how I just can't control what I say sometimes."

Jessie put her hand against Katie's cheek, leaned in and tenderly kissed her.

"I know," said Jessie. "I love that about you."

To Be Continued…


	10. Chapter 10

Katie watched intently from a distance as Jessie chatted with a few friends surrounding her. She watched as Tad and Marni continuously laughed at whatever story Jessie was telling them. She watched as Jessie glanced over at her and smiled. Katie smiled back as she leaned against the bookshelf. Her eyes dreamily tore themselves away from Jessie for a moment. As Katie looked around, she saw that Booklovers was filling up quickly. The food was good. The guests were happy. The party was a success. Today was Jessie's sixteenth birthday and Katie wanted to do something special for her. She knew Jessie wasn't a fan of huge parties, but Katie insisted on throwing her a party for such a seminal year in Jessie's life. Judging by the look on Jessie's face, she knew she did the right thing. Katie planned it all: the invitations, the decorations. She even planned out the food to be an all-vegetarian menu. Katie herself was a meat-eater, but she knew how important Jessie's vegetarian diet was to her. She wanted every aspect of the party to be perfect and refused to allow Jessie to lift a finger while planning it. So Jessie just sat back and let Katie do all the work. Katie seemed to thrive off of making her girlfriend happy. After that day Jessie told Katie she loved her, Katie decided to make it her life's work to make Jessie happy. Katie looked back over at Jessie, content with watching her from twenty feet away.

_**Black and White** _

_Katie: "I try. I really do try to look away sometimes. I test myself to see if I can go more than a minute without looking at her. But if she's in my line of sight, I fail miserably."_

Katie kept her adoring gaze on Jessie as Judy walked up to her.

"Hey Katie."

Katie snapped out of her spell and turned to face Judy. "Oh, hey Judy."

"Wow. The place looks great," exclaimed Judy as she looked around.

"Well, I try. Thanks again for letting me use your store. I just figured if you guys could have a wedding here, maybe a birthday party wouldn't be out of the question."

"Oh, it's no problem. I was honored that you even asked. And Jake was more than happy to help with the food," said Judy.

Katie smiled and turned her focus back over to Jessie. Judy took notice of this.

"So why aren't you over there with your friends?" asked Judy.

"Oh, I just want to make sure everything runs smoothly. Besides. This is Jessie's day. She's having fun without me. I know…hard to believe, but I guess anything's possible," remarked Katie, in jest.

Judy nodded. "So you really care about her a lot, don't you?"

Katie looked back at Judy. "She's my best friend. Of course I care about her. It's her sixteenth birthday. I don't know if you heard, but it's kind of a big ordeal in the teen world."

**_Black and White_**

_Judy: "She's a smart ass. I like that. She reminds me of someone…"_

"Well, I'll keep an eye on everything for you if you want to go talk to Jessie. I don't know if there's really much you can do standing next to a bookshelf," said Judy.

"Oh, there's plenty I can do. Need me to re-shelve anything?" asked Katie.

Before Judy could respond, Jessie came bounding up to Katie. "Hey!"

"Hey Billie!"

"What are you doing over here? You left me to fend for myself among the masses of Upton Sinclair's finest students," said Jessie.

"Finest?"

"Okay…well...just students, then."

Judy decided to chime in before the girls started another one of their infamous, hour-long conversations. "Happy birthday, Jessie. This is a pretty good turnout."

"Well, that's because Katie insisted on inviting half the school."

Katie put her hands up in defense. "Hey, can I help it if I know a lot of people and I'm insanely popular?"

Jessie nudged Katie with her shoulder. "Wow. It just astounds me how in love with yourself you are."

"Yes, I know," replied Katie. "Would you excuse me for a minute? I have to run to the bathroom and admire myself in the mirror for a while. Actually, it may take up to half an hour. I'm THAT stunning." Katie elbowed Jessie back. Both girls started giggling as the play-fighting ensued.

Judy watched this exchange take place.

**_Black and White_**

_Judy smiles and shakes her head: "This girl seriously reminds me of someone. I just can't figure out who."_

"Come on," said Katie, as she led Jessie away. "Your party awaits."

Judy watched as the girls walked away arm-in-arm. She found herself smiling for no discernable reason. Just being in the presence of those two made her cheerful. She began to recognize a bond between Jessie and Katie that seemed to be growing stronger every time she saw them. The thought that perhaps it may have been more than just friendship was barely creeping into her mind when it was suddenly interrupted by two arms wrapping around her waist from behind.

"What are you smirking about?" asked Sam.

"Was I smirking?" asked Judy as she allowed herself to be completely enveloped in his arms.

"A little. I'll tell ya, that Katie girl is sure something, isn't she? Earlier, she spent twenty minutes talking to me about impressionism vs. realism in a postmodern world. I almost had to sit down. She nearly blew my mind."

"Uh oh. Should I be jealous?" asked Judy.

"Jealous? Of a seventeen year old girl? I don't think you have anything to worry about," assured Sam. "Although, you could take it as a compliment."

"Why?"

"Because. She's exactly like you," replied Sam.

Judy froze at that exact moment.

**_Black and White_**

_Judy: "THAT'S who she reminds me of. No wonder I like this kid so much."_

Instead of leading Jessie back to their friends, Katie weaved through the somewhat crowded café portion of the store. She was having some difficulty getting through everyone who was standing around and began mentally cursing herself for inviting so many people. Once they made their way through, Katie led Jessie into the kitchen. It was much more quiet there and significantly less crowded seeing as how they were the only ones in there. Jessie walked past the counter and observed her birthday cake sitting there.

"It's nice," remarked Jessie.

"Chocolate cake with vanilla butter cream icing."

"My favorite."

"Yeah. Actually, you weren't supposed to see it until later," said Katie.

Jessie walked up to her and put her hands around Katie's waist. "So then why did you bring me in here?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to get away from the—"

Katie stopped talking the moment Jessie's lips crashed against hers. Jessie had been waiting to do this all day. She was thankful to have one moment alone with Katie just so she could kiss her. Katie was enjoying the state of bliss she was in as their tongues mercilessly teased each other. But Jessie prematurely pulled away, leaving Katie starving for more. Katie refused to go without a fight. She pulled Jessie back in and continued kissing her until she realized where they were. Someone could walk in at any moment. And while Katie didn't really care, she didn't want anything to ruin Jessie's day. She managed to finally detach her lips from Jessie's. Jessie leaned back against the counter while Katie was facing her

Once they came down from their euphoric high, Katie pursed her lips while perusing Jessie's face. Her feet nervously shifted under her. "Actually, there's another reason I brought you in here."

"And what's that?" asked Jessie.

Katie leaned forward reached up toward the cabinet above them. Jessie felt her breath grow sharper as Katie's body tenderly pressed up against hers. She knew it was an innocent move, but Katie seemed to be doing it in such a seductive way, Jessie couldn't help but feel slightly aroused. Katie opened the cabinet and pulled something out.

"I got you a little something. I put it here so you wouldn't find it," said Katie.

"Really? I mean, the party was more than enough. You didn't have to get me anything else," protested Jessie.

"Well, I wanted to. It's your birthday and you're…you know…my girlfriend. So…here."

Katie held out a little toy monkey that plays the drums. She wound it up and set it on the counter. It started moving along while beating the drums. Jessie was somewhat perplexed by the gift at first, but leave it to Katie to give such a quirky gift. Jessie smiled sweetly as she watched the monkey continue its trek across the counter while drumming. Katie picked him up and turned him around. He started making his way back towards Jessie.

"I call him Fred," informed Katie. "But you can name him whatever you want."

Jessie laughed. This was one of the many things she loved about Katie. Her creativity and eccentricities always kept Jessie smiling. "Fred is fine. He looks like a Fred. He's adorable."

"Fred has something for you," said Katie, as she leaned over and placed her chin on the counter, focusing solely on the marching monkey.

"Oh really. And what does Fred have?" asked Jessie.

"I don't know. You should ask him. And do it quick, because it's something that seems to be weighing him down," replied Katie.

Jessie looked down at the monkey and saw something shiny hanging from its neck. She picked up Fred and saw that he had a silver, heart-shaped locket around his neck. She took it from him and held it up while putting the monkey back on the counter.

"Wow. Katie, it's beautiful. Thank you so much."

Katie smiled as Jessie admired the necklace.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "And THAT'S why I do these things. To keep that smile on her face. It makes everything worth it." She lowers her head. "Okay, okay. I know. I'm gushing now. I'll stop."_

Jessie opened it up to see if anything was inside. "It's empty," she observed.

"Well, yeah," replied Katie. "I figured it's your necklace, so you should get to choose what goes in it."

"Really…"

"Yup."

"So, if I put a picture of little Fred in here, you wouldn't be offended?" asked Jessie.

"Well, I guess I would be slightly offended that you would choose a monkey over me. Besides, it wouldn't make much sense to a picture of anyone but the two of us in there."

"Why?"

"Look at the back," said Katie.

Jessie turned the locket over and read the simple inscription. "K B?"

"Billie. I didn't want to make it too obvious in case someone reads it or something. Was that stupid?"

"No. It's perfect," remarked Jessie.

"Here. Let me put it on you." Katie took the locket and went behind Jessie to put it on. Katie opened the clasp and brought her hands around to Jessie's delicate neck. Jessie pulled her hair out of the way as Katie's fingers grazed the curves of Jessie's neck. She clasped the necklace, but allowed her hands to linger on Jessie's skin. Jessie let her hair fall back in place as she felt chills run up and down her spine. Katie simply could not resist the lure of Jessie's skin. She pushed aside Jessie's hair and started kissing the back of Jessie's neck. Jessie leaned her head to the side as Katie slowly moved the kisses to the other side of Jessie's neck. Her lips were leaving a trail all the way to Jessie's shoulder. Katie gently tugged at the collar of Jessie's shirt and moved it down further, exposing more skin. Katie was growing deliriously amorous. Her lips were on overdrive, hungrily absorbing the taste of Jessie's skin. Katie was overdosing on Jessie. This girl was the only kind of drug that Katie would ever allow to be injected into her veins. And the increasingly rapturous moans coming from Jessie was proof that she felt the exact same way.

Jessie's hands reached behind her and gripped Katie's hips, pulling them closer together. She could feel Katie's warm stomach against her back. Katie's breathing was growing heavier by the minute. Jessie moved her hands up and down from Katie's hips to her legs as she took pleasure in feeling the taller girl's lips moving slowly down her shoulder. Katie moved her hands down Jessie's arms and placed her hands on top of Jessie's hands. She interlocked their fingers and brought their hands up to wrap around Jessie's stomach.

"Oh my God," Jessie muttered under her breath. But Katie heard it. She knew exactly what kind of pleasure she was bringing Jessie.

Katie gently turned Jessie around and brought her hand up to Jessie's face. Through her ragged breath, she managed to choke out the words she wanted to say. "I'm so in love with you, Jessie. You don't even know."

Jessie nodded. "Yeah, I do know."

Jessie pulled Katie in for another desired kiss. As her lips traced the softness of Katie's lips, Jessie couldn't fight her urge anymore. She pushed Katie back up against the counter. Unfortunately, she forgot about their little friend who was knocked to the floor by this sudden movement. Jessie and Katie pulled away from each other and looked down.

"Oh no. Poor Fred!" exclaimed Katie. They looked back at each other and after a moment of silence, they both busted out laughing. Jessie picked up the monkey and put him back on the counter.

"I guess I need to be more careful next time," said Jessie. Katie smiled and leaned in to kiss Jessie one more time. Before she could reach her destination, the kitchen door abruptly swung open, startling the girls as they stepped back and put some distance between each other. They looked over to see Lily walking in.

"Oh, there you are. We were wondering where you guys went," said Lily.

Jessie struggled to find an excuse. "Oh yeah. Sorry. Katie just wanted to check on the cake. You know…to make sure it was...good."

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie rolls her eyes: "Smooth. Real smooth. I should really leave the excuses to Katie."_

Lily nodded, questioningly. "Okay. Well, I actually came in here to get the cake. Are you ready for it?"

"Ready for everyone to gather around me and sing in my honor? No, not really. But I'll get through it, I suppose."

"Well, maybe you could at least fake it. Come on," said Lily, as she grabbed for the cake.

"Oh, let me get that for you, Mrs. Sammler," said Katie, as she picked up the cake. Katie had noticed how big Lily was getting. She was pretty far along in the pregnancy and looked like she was ready to give birth at any moment, so Katie wanted to help her out in any way she could.

"Thanks Katie. I'll see you two out there," said Lily as she walked out.

With her free hand, Katie picked up the monkey and handed it to Jessie. "Happy birthday, Jess."

Jessie blushed as she nervously played with the locket around her neck.

To be continued…..


	11. Chapter 11

Jessie and Katie took advantage of the three weeks off from school they had for Christmas Break. They were practically inseparable the whole time and couldn't believe how quickly the time was passing. They had even managed to arrange a night where they were completely alone; just the two of them. It was New Year's Eve. Rick and Lily went out with Judy and Sam for the night. Eli's band was playing a gig at a party and Grace and her friends decided to go see them play. Zoe was staying at a friend's house. So Jessie explained to her father and Lily that she just felt like relaxing after all the excitement from Christmas had started to die down. She told them she had just planned on watching some movies and maybe inviting Katie over. Rick said it was fine with him as long as they didn't go for a walk in the middle of the night again. Jessie promised that they'd stay indoors and if plans changed, she would call him and tell him.

Everyone had finally gone out for the night. Jessie and Katie were sitting next to each other on the living room couch watching "Annie Hall," which was one of Katie's favorite movies. Katie thought Annie Hall was such an interesting character. And, though Katie admitted it was rather conceited, she liked the fact that the main character, Alvy Singer, shared her last name. Jessie put the bowl of popcorn back on the coffee table and leaned back on the couch. She could feel her arm against Katie's arm and secretly hoped that Katie wouldn't move. She enjoyed being this close to her. Katie did move, but instead of moving her arm, she moved her hand over to grab Jessie's hand. Jessie looked over at Katie.

Black and White

Jessie: "I can't explain it. The chills I get when she takes my hand. I just can't explain it."

The girls continued holding hands while watching the movie. Katie moved her thumb along the top of Jessie's hand. With each little stroke, Jessie began to enjoy it more and more. Lately, it's become apparent that their emotional need for each other has now combined with a strong physical need, making it nearly impossible to resist each other. But they have both managed to stop themselves every time up to this point.

Jessie looked over at Katie, who was already looking back at the younger girl. They simultaneously leaned in and started kissing each other intensely. They continued their lip-lock for about twenty minutes all the while listening to the incessant rants of Woody Allen in the background. Not exactly the most romantic background noise, but neither of them cared. The feeling of Jessie's lips on hers left Katie aching for more. She tried to calm herself down, but found that to be an impossible task. She slowly brought her hand down to the hem of Jessie's shirt. Her hand gradually made its way up Jessie's stomach, nearly reaching its destination until Jessie suddenly flinched. Katie immediately pulled her hand away.

"Oh, sorry."

"No," said Jessie. "I'm sorry. I just…wasn't expecting that."

Katie looked down, feeling horrible about what she had just done. Jessie could see the disconcerted look on Katie's face.

"Hey, it's okay. Really. Come here," said Jessie as she slowly lowed Katie onto the couch. Jessie hovered over her and ran her fingers through Katie's hair.

"Oww!" exclaimed Katie. 

Jessie found that Katie's hair had gotten tangled with her watch. 

"Oooh, sorry." 

"It's okay," assured Katie.

Jessie spent the next couple minutes trying to get the watch free without hurting Katie any further. Once the watch was free of Katie's hair, Jessie looked down at her and smiled. She leaned in and kissed Katie once more as she reached for the older girl's shirt and tried to bring it up over her head. For some reason, Jessie had difficulty doing this gracefully. The shirt managed to get stuck on Katie's bra strap. Jessie was getting increasingly frustrated as she tried to maneuver the shirt free. Finally, she managed to get it off. It was a clumsy move, but they managed to forge on. Katie could see Jessie was getting overwhelmed, so she decided to take over for a while. She brought them both to a kneeling position and as she tenderly kissed Jessie's neck, she started to undo the button on Jessie's jeans. Katie suddenly felt the zipper get stuck. She pulled away from Jessie's neck to look down and try to unzip the jeans. Unfortunately the zipper would not budge. 

"Here, let me try," said Jessie, as she took over for Katie in trying to get her zipper unstuck. "Oh, come on."

They both clumsily fiddled with the zipper for a few more minutes, while kissing each other intermittently. Finally, Katie pulled away from Jessie and reluctantly put her shirt back on. She sat back down on the couch. Jessie sat next to her and they both started watching the movie again, even though neither of them were actually following it. Katie's arm was no longer touching Jessie's. They sat there in awkward silence, almost hoping someone would come home to break the tension.

Jessie couldn't take it anymore. She reached forward and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Once she had enough in her hands, she casually threw it all at Katie. Katie closed her eyes and grinned. She leaned over and grabbed some M&M's out of the candy dish in front of her and retaliated by throwing them at Jessie. 

"Wow. I never thought I'd see the day where you would waste chocolate," said Jessie.

"I've finally found a worthy cause," replied Katie, as she pelted Jessie with another M&M. 

They spent the rest of the night watching movies. They didn't really talk much. And they only attempted physical contact with each other one more time. Jessie rested her head on Katie's shoulder when she started to get sleepy. And Katie then put her arm around Jessie and held her.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "See? We're okay. Not awkward at all. Really_. Not at all."

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "This might have to be something we work on in the future."_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

A couple days later, Jessie was stretched out on the couch at her mother's house. She was laying on her back with her eyes half closed, allowing her aural senses to take in the engaging sound of Katie's voice. One hand was behind her head while the other was gently stroking Katie's hair. Katie was sitting with her back leaning up against the couch. She was reading to Jessie a hundred-year-old story about a blind woman who fell in love with a mute man and how their love prevailed beyond all communication boundaries and physical hindrances. It was one of Katie's favorite stories. And since today was a rather lazy day, she thought she'd bring it over and share it with Jessie. Jessie was more than happy to listen. 

There had some awkwardness between the two of them since that embarrassing display New Year's Eve. Katie had no idea things would even get that far and she was mortified by the way everything turned out. She never thought she'd be so clumsy with Jessie, but then again, she'd never been in that kind of situation before. Since they had both somewhat failed at taking their physical relationship further, Katie thought this story might be what they needed to keep them from being discouraged. She knew they could get through anything; even something as embarrassing as this. Besides, it's not like she was in any hurry. She knew with Jessie, she had all the time in the world.

"No barriers, no walls, no silence, no sound, no darkness, no light, no sadness, no tears would ever break them apart. As fragile as they were independently, together they were unbreakable," read Katie as she put the story down on the coffee table.

Jessie dreamily opened her eyes and sighed as Katie finished the story. "I liked that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's inspiring," said Jessie as she allowed strands of Katie's hair to wrap around her fingers. Katie leaned her head back. Jessie nuzzled her cheek against the top of Katie's head, taking in the sweet fragrance of Katie's hair. Jessie found herself breathing deeply and close to falling asleep right then and there. The awkwardness had faded once again and they were both completely at ease with each other. Katie closed her eyes and felt the warmth of Jessie's breath on her neck. 

Suddenly, the door burst open and Karen came through holding more groceries than she could carry. Jessie bolted up as Katie tried to smooth down her hair. 

"Mom. Hi. What are you doing home so soon?" asked Jessie.

"I thought I'd come home early and cook dinner for everyone. Henry's coming over tonight," replied Karen, as she struggled to get the grocery bags on the counter. 

"Do you need me to get any other groceries from the car, Mrs. Sammler?" asked Katie.

"Oh, no. This is all of them. Thanks, though."

Jessie got up from the couch and reached her hand out to help Katie up. "Okay, well we'll be in my room, mom. Come on, Katie."

"Not so fast, Jessie. I need you to put these away for me," replied Karen.

"I'll do it later," said Jessie.

Karen came out from the kitchen and glared at her daughter. "No. Now."

"God, mom. What difference does it make if I do it now or in half an hour?"

"The difference is, I'm telling you to do it now," replied Karen sternly. 

Katie stood there uncomfortably. "I'll help you, Jess."

"No. She can do it on her own. Jessie, it'll take you five minutes."

"Mom—"

"Jessie don't argue with me and just do it, okay? I really don't want to go through this with you. This is exactly how things started with Eli."

"Will you please stop comparing me to Eli? I'm not Eli, mom!"

"I know you're not. Will you please just do what I asked?"

Jessie stared at her mother. She knew she wasn't going to win this one, so she rolled her eyes and stormed into the kitchen.

Karen called after her. "And when you're done with that, you can set the table!"

_**Black and White**_

_Karen:_ _"It used to be so easy with Jessie. She never gave me any problems. But recently, I feel her pulling away from me. I know she's getting older and probably testing her boundaries but…I don't know. I hate to say it, but she's starting to get like Eli was at that age. And Eli's a great kid, but he's just so lost right now. I don't want Jessie to end up the same way."_

Karen had an exhausting day at work. She wanted to relax for a few minutes before she started to make dinner, so she sat down in the armchair. She noticed Katie still standing nervously in the middle of the living room, so she motioned to the couch. 

"Have a seat, Katie."

Katie smiled timidly and sat down. "So, how's work, Mrs. Sammler?" 

Katie somewhat cringed at calling Karen 'Mrs. Sammler.' Simply because that's what she called Lily as well and she didn't know if Karen wanted to go back to her maiden name or if she preferred her married name. Or if she was going to marry Henry, would she take his name? Katie realized she was thinking about this way too much. It's just a name. But that's why she always said she would never change her name. It's just too much of a hassle. 'Singer. It's a good, strong, solid name. And it suits me just fine,' she thought to herself.

Karen was a little thrown by the question. It had been a while since someone had actually inquired about her day. She wasn't used to it. "Oh, it was good. A little stressful. But the bulk of the case I'm working on now is pretty much done."

She heard Jessie in the kitchen hurriedly trying to set the table. She could tell her daughter was upset, but really wasn't in the mood to assuage her at the moment. 

Black and White

Karen: "Lately it's just been an ongoing battle between me and her. And as much as I hate making comparisons, that's how it started with Eli. And it exhausted me to no end. I don't know if I have the strength for this again."

"Well, I'm sure you'll do great. You seem really passionate about your job," said Katie. "I just hope I can find something like that. Getting paid for doing something I love. I guess that's anyone's ideal job."

"Well, what do you want to do?" asked Karen.

"Ah…the loaded question," Katie retorted. "Honestly, I have no idea."

"Well, where did you apply for college?"

Katie shifted her position on the couch. "Uh…well, I applied to Northwestern. And a couple of other places, but I really just don't know where I want to go right now. Don't worry. I won't be leeching off my parents or anything. And I do know the importance of a college education. I just want to be absolutely sure where I want to go before I make any final decisions. I mean, it determines the next four years of my life." Katie looked over at Jessie, who was listening to every word of their conversation. "But I'm thinking Northwestern. It's a great school and it's fairly close."

Jessie smiled to herself as she continued setting the table. 

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "I'm just so thankful for Katie. She's been a Godsend in Jessie's life."_

"Well, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. You're a smart girl. I wouldn't worry about it," assured Karen.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "Okay. Yeah. This just officially got even harder. I can't help but feel guilty around this woman. She doesn't know. If it were up to me, she would know, but Jessie is adamant about not telling her. I really don't think she'd take it badly. I just…I feel horrible. She's always so nice to me…"_

Katie sat there, not knowing what to say. She was just about to open her mouth when Eli walked through the front door. Katie immediately turned her focus to the floor.

"Hey guys," said Eli as he took a seat on the couch. "When's dinner?"

Karen got up and headed to the kitchen. "I'm working on it."

She joined Jessie in the kitchen and left Eli and Katie to fend for themselves. They were sitting on opposite sides of the couch. Katie was examining her palm as Eli was thumbing through his mom's Precious Moments catalogue. He finally realized what he was looking at and threw it back on the coffee table next to the story that Katie brought. The two sat there in complete silence. Eli looked around, as if exploring the house for the first time. He quickly glanced over at Katie, who was still intrigued with the palm of her hand. She looked back over at him and they quickly looked away from each other.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "He knows. I know he knows. He knows that I know he knows."_

**_Black and White_**

_Eli takes a deep breath and as the air escapes his lips, he looks at the camera tentatively_

Eli looked over at Katie one more time. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He looked straight ahead, rolled his eyes and picked up that Precious Moments catalogue again. After skimming through it one more time, he closed it and threw it on the table once more. He couldn't take the silence anymore.

"So, did you like that Sugarcult cd I lent you?"

"Oh yeah. It's great. I loved it. I'll bring it back the next time I'm here," replied Katie.

"Oh, don't worry. Take your time."

Katie nodded as they both sat there speechless yet again.

Eli decided to take control of the conversation again. "You know, if you like Sugarcult, you'll probably like the Pixies, too. I can lend you that cd as well."

Katie immediately loosened up. "Oh, I love the Pixies. I have couple of their albums."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I love their songs 'Debaser' and 'Here Comes Your Man,'" replied Katie, excitedly.

"Oh man! 'Debaser' is an awesome song. I can play that on the guitar."

"You can?"

"Yeah, you wanna hear it sometime?" asked Eli.

"Sure! Just don't expect me to sing along with it. It won't be pretty," quipped Katie.

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "Katie…isn't so bad. I mean, I never thought she WAS bad. But…you know…given the circumstances. She's really, pretty cool."_

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Eli got up to answer the door. Henry walked in holding two bouquets of flowers. 

"Hey Eli! How's it going?" asked Henry.

"Good. Everything's good. Come on in. My mom's in the kitchen."

Henry walked over to greet Karen by handing her a bouquet of flowers. 

"Well thank you. These are beautiful," said Karen.

Henry walked over to Jessie and handed her the other bouquet. "And don't think I forgot about you."

Jessie smiled at the gesture. "Thank you. This is so nice of you." 

Henry turned around and looked at Eli. "I would have brought you some too, but…you know…it would be weird and stuff."

Eli laughed. "Really, it's okay. Thanks for sparing me any awkwardness."

Henry then noticed Katie sitting by herself on the couch. "Well, I see we have full house tonight. My apologies, Katie. I didn't know you'd be here," stated Henry.

"Oh, it's okay," said Katie.

"Nonsense. It's not okay," protested Henry as he walked over to Jessie. He grabbed a carnation out of Jessie's bouquet. "As tacky as this is, I'm sure Jessie won't mind." He walked over to Katie and handed her the flower. 

Katie smiled as she took the carnation. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Anything for my assistant chef," said Henry as he turned around and faced Karen. "So…what's for dinner?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Jessie and Katie were at Rick and Lily's eating a late breakfast at the kitchen table. Grace was eating with them as they argued about what they should do for the rest of the day. Grace wanted to see a movie. Jessie wanted to watch Eli's band rehearse. And Katie just wanted to laze around and do absolutely nothing. It was their last day of freedom before winter break ended and they had to go back to school. 

Rick was sitting at the counter, lost in his newspaper. Lily was peeling an orange for herself, inadvertently eavesdropping in on their conversation. "Why don't you guys go to a park or something. Get some exercise." She was met with three blank stares. "Okay…never mind."

"I think Lily may be onto something. A little exercise wouldn't be the worst thing in the world," said Rick, without looking up from his newspaper.

"We'll keep that in mind," retorted Grace.

Katie finished up the food on her plate and got up to rinse off her plate at the sink. At that moment, Zoe came bounding in. 

"Grace, can you take me to the mall today?" asked Zoe.

"I'm hanging out with Jessie and Katie today," replied Grace.

Zoe looked over at Katie. "Don't you ever leave?"

"Zoe!" exclaimed Lily.

"What? Doesn't she have her own home?" asked Zoe.

**_Black and White_**

_Zoe: "I don't like her. She's always here. She's always taking up Jessie's time and now Grace is hanging out with her." She folds her arms. "Okay, it's not like I 'hate' her. She's just…always around_."

Lily got up and pulled Zoe by the arm into the living room, obviously not happy with the way her daughter was behaving. 

Katie leaned back against the sink, not really knowing what to say. She knew she had been hanging around a lot, but she didn't know her presence would be so grating on the family, especially Zoe.

"Uh…I should go," said Katie as she headed towards the back door.

"No, don't go," protested Jessie. "Forget about Zoe. She's just being a brat."

"I should get home, anyway. My parents wanted me to do some cleaning before school started up again. I put it off as long as I could. I'll see you guys later." Katie opened the door.

"Katie, wait! You don't have to leave," said Jessie, as she headed toward the door.

"It's okay, Jess. I'll see you tomorrow." Katie gave Jessie a reassuring look, then whispered to her. "Call me later." They stayed there with their eyes locked on each other, neither of them really wanting to say goodbye. Katie smiled sweetly, then stepped out and closed the door behind her. Unbeknownst to them, Grace watched this entire exchange take place.

**_Black and White_**

_Grace: "I knew it. There's definitely something going on between them. It's painfully obvious." She pauses for a moment. "And I think it's great. A little weird, but great."_

"You know, Katie really didn't have to leave," said Rick, as Jessie tried to mask her disappointment over Katie leaving.

"I know. I think Zoe really made her feel bad."

"Well, I think Lily's taking care of that right now. You know she's always welcome here," said Rick as he headed upstairs.

"Yeah," Jessie mumbled to herself. "I know."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Come in!" yelled Eli after he heard a knock on his door.

Jessie walked in into his room and tentatively closed the door. "Hey Eli."

"Hey. What's up?" he asked as he changed his shirt.

Jessie stayed leaning up against the door, unsure of how to start this conversation. "I don't know."

Eli looked at his sister. "Okay. Well, why are you here?"

"When's your band rehearsing?"

"In about an hour. Why? Did you want to go?"

"I don't know. Maybe," replied Jessie. 

"Jess, is there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Jessie sighed and took a step forward. "Okay, so remember how you said I can talk to you about anything?"

"Yeah..."

Jessie looked down at her feet and anxiously kicking way trash that was on Eli's floor. "Well, I was just wondering…how old were you when you started having sex?"

**_Black and White_**

_Eli stares blankly at the camera: "Uh…"_

Eli doesn't respond. He just looks at his sister.

"I mean, you were sixteen, right? With Jen?"

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "Uh…"_

Jessie could tell her brother was uncomfortable. "I was just wondering. It's not, like, for any personal reason. I was just…curious."

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "Keep an open mind. Keep an open mind. Keep an open mind."_

Eli kept looking at his sister, somewhat confounded by her question. He figured the best thing to do was just be honest with her. "Well…yeah. I was sixteen. And I really cared about her a lot. I mean, that's the most important thing. To care about the person."

Jessie kept her focus on the floor. "So, you don't think sixteen is too young?"

"I think age doesn't really matter. Your maturity level is what matters and how you're willing to face whatever consequences that come with a decision like that. I mean, I was pretty stupid at sixteen."

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "I'm pretty stupid at nineteen, too."_

Jessie made her way over to Eli's desk. "I really do care about this person." 

**Black and White**

Jessie laughs to herself: "Really, is there any point in me playing the pronoun game with him right now?"

"Well, don't force it, Jess. If it's meant to be, it'll be."

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "My little sister. Asking me about sex. There is something really wrong about this. I mean, I can understand why she came to me. God knows our mom would have a coronary. And my dad's a little preoccupied with Lily's pregnancy. But…I'm not like…a counselor or anything. I mean, what am I supposed to say to her? Given the circumstances, I can't exactly say 'It's okay. It's totally normal.' Can I?" He looks at the camera, unsure._

"Just make sure you really…love her," said Eli.

Jessie looked up at her brother. She flinched at the word "her." This was proof positive. He knew. She smiled at him and nodded.

Eli continued. "Because I'm sure it'll mean as much to her as it does to you. So just make sure you're both ready."

Jessie leaned against his desk somewhat bewildered. She thought she'd feel more uneasy knowing for a fact that Eli knew about them, but for some reason it felt okay. She knew she could trust him. And judging by the advice he was giving, it was obvious that he was okay with it. Or at least as accepting as he could be. She walked up to her brother and gave him a hug. He was a little thrown off by this move, but eventually reciprocated the hug, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"Thanks, Eli."

"Anytime. You know I'm always here for you."

To Be Continued…


	12. Chapter 12

A few weeks later, the girls were settling in to their second semester of school

A few weeks later, the girls were settling in to their second semester of school. Jessie and Katie were slowly coming to terms with Katie's impending graduation less than five months away. They had talked about it a little, but not in great depth. Katie hadn't heard back from any colleges yet, so they figured it was too early to be discussing her future plans at the moment. It was a Thursday afternoon and Katie was driving Jessie home from school. She pulled up to Rick and Lily's house and parked in the driveway. They got out of the car and walked up the pathway holding hands. Neither girl knew who took whose hand first. It was just second nature to them now, which was somewhat dangerous seeing as how barely anyone knew about them yet. They walked through the door and immediately, Katie looked around. Once she saw the coast was clear, she quickly planted a sweet kiss on the corner of Jessie's mouth. She pulled away and started to head towards the kitchen.

As Katie started to walk away, Jessie smiled and grabbed Katie's hand to pull her back.

"Come here," said Jessie. "I'm not done with you yet." She pulled Katie into a warm hug. As Katie rested her head on Jessie's shoulder, she allowed herself to completely relax into her affectionate embrace. Jessie was elated by the comforting touch of Katie's skin.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "How is it possible? I mean, our bodies seem to fit so flawlessly together. She feels so perfect in my arms."_

Jessie pulled away and looked at her girlfriend. "Now you may continue with whatever it is you were doing."

Katie smiled at her. "Well, I think I was heading towards the kitchen, so it probably had something to do with food. But for some reason, I just can't remember what it was. You need to stop making me stupid."

"I make you stupid?" asked Jessie.

"Well…you hug me stupid. Stop doing that."

"I can't make any promises," replied Jessie.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "I just look at her and everything becomes so clear. Everything makes sense in my life and the things that used to concern me seem so trivial now. With Katie, I don't ever feel like I have to pretend. Like when I have a bad day or I'm upset, she knows it. I don't have to hide it. And like when I mess up, I don't have to shield her from my mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm finally beginning to realize I'm not perfect. And she knows I'm not perfect. And she accepts all my flaws and loves me anyway."_ She looks at the camera with a confounded look and shakes her head_. "How could anyone disapprove of that kind of love?"_

Jessie watched Katie's face, searching for a clue about what the older girl was thinking at that moment. Katie would sometimes look at Jessie so intensely, like she could see inside her, studying her soul. And that gaze was unwavering. It didn't make Jessie uncomfortable. But it did make her feel vulnerable at times, knowing that Katie had the ability to see every part of Jessie just by looking into her eyes. 

Jessie continued to hold Katie's impassioned gaze. 

"I love you," whispered Jessie.

Katie moistened her lips and was about to respond to Jessie. But she was interrupted by Lily, who was coming down the stairs. 

"Hello?"

Jessie and Katie turned around to see Lily gripping the railing. She stopped halfway down the stairs.

"Oh. Jessie, Katie. Thank God you're home."

"Lily, what's wrong?" asked Jessie.

Lily had a bewildered look on her face as she answered. "I called your dad at work and left him a message. Grace is still at school and I have no idea where Eli is."

Lily was struggling to get those words out as she grabbed her stomach and winced in pain.

"Lily, what is it? It's okay. What's wrong?"

Lily looked at the girls. "My water broke. I have to get to the hospital."

Jessie and Katie looked at each other with their mouths open. 

"Oh my God," exclaimed Jessie.

"Wha…what do we do?" asked Katie. Immediately, Katie felt stupid for asking that. She knew what they had to do. 

"No one else is home," said Lily. "I need you guys to take me to the hospital."

"Of course," said Katie as she ran over to Lily and helped guide her down the stairs.

"Jessie, can you grab my bag? It's in the bedroom next to the bed," said Lily.

Jessie rushed past them up the stairs as Katie kept her arm around Lily and held her hand while leading her to the door.

"We'll take my car," said Katie. "I think it's blocking yours."

Lily stopped in her tracks and grabbed her stomach. "Ooh." She squeezed Katie's hand. Katie's face grimaced from the pressure Lily was putting on her hand, but she didn't say anything. Instead, she breathed heavily and tried to soothe Lily by rubbing her back. 

"Breathe. Just breathe. It'll be all right, Mrs. Sammler."

Lily slowly straightened up as the contraction ended. "Call me Lily."

Katie opened the door as Jessie came running down the stairs. When they got to the car, Katie opened the back door for Lily thinking the back seat would give her room to lie down if she needed to. She helped Lily into the car, but Lily refused to let go of Katie's hand. 

"Wait. Sit back here with me."

"I have to drive," informed Katie.

Lily pleaded with her. "Please, don't let go of my hand."

Katie could see Lily was obviously in a lot of pain and quite possibly delirious from it. Jessie closed the trunk after throwing Lily's bag in there. Katie reached into her pocket with her free hand, pulled out her keys and threw them to Jessie. 

"You're driving."

Jessie caught the keys and stood there stunned for a moment. "Huh?"

Katie got into the back seat with Lily. "You're driving, Jess. Come on. We have to go!"

"But Katie—"

"Jess, you can do this. And even if you can't, you have to. Lily won't let go of my hand." Katie was starting to lose the feeling in her left hand. 

"I…" Jessie looked lost and confused and was about to start hyperventilating at any moment. "I don't have a license. I've barely even practiced."

"Jess, you'll be fine. Just remember what I taught you, okay?" assured Katie.

Jessie took a deep breath and nodded. She grinned at Katie. "Gas on the right, brake on the left?"

Katie smiled. "See? Maybe you're not so blonde after all."

Jessie jumped in the car, turned on the engine, backed out of the driveway and drove off. 

Lily was too preoccupied with her next contraction to even realize or care that Jessie was driving. She tried to breathe through the pain as she squeezed Katie's hand once again. Katie winced at the pain.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "Sweet Jesus that woman is abnormally strong!"_

Katie couldn't hide her pain anymore. "Oww!"

"Sorry," said Lily.

"It's okay," assured Katie.

"What is it that Tiffany said when she gave birth to Maddie?" asked Lily.

Katie looked at her perplexed. "Uh…I don't know. What did she say?"

Lily thought for a moment. "Make friends with the pain. That's what she would say. Become friends with the pain." 

Katie smiled at Tiffany's brilliance. The smile was short-lived, however, when Lily started grabbing her stomach again.

"Ouch. Ow. Ow. Oh my God," Lily looked at Katie. "They're a minute apart."

Lily clutched Katie's hand once more. Katie could swear she heard one of her bones get crushed by Lily's strength.

"Make friends with the pain, make friends with the pain," repeated Katie. "Jess, can't you go any faster?!"

"It's a red light!" exclaimed Jessie.

"Well, just run it!" yelled Katie.

"I can't! It's red."

"Jessie, run the light!" screamed Katie.

"I…I can't!" Jessie yelled back.

Lily was growing tired of the argument and tired of the pain she was in. "Jessie, run the goddamn light or I'm gonna give birth to this baby in the back seat of Katie's car!!"

At that, Jessie hit the gas and ran the red light. "Oh God, oh God, oh God! Okay, hold on to something!"

Lily took Jessie's advice and gripped Katie's hand even tighter. Katie rolled her eyes, trying to mask the horrific pain Lily was inflicting upon her. Several horns went off and people slammed on their breaks as Jessie illegally plowed through the intersection.

"Oh my God, oh my God!" exclaimed Jessie as a huge bus managed to stop just inches away from the side of the car. 

Jessie made it through the intersection and they pulled up to the hospital moments later. Once parked, Jessie came around and opened the door for Lily and Katie, then ran inside to get someone to help them. An orderly came out with a wheelchair and they all went inside to get Lily checked in. 

"We'll be there in just a minute, Lily," said Katie, as Lily was being taken to her room. Katie looked over to see Jessie standing against the wall, visibly shaken. She walked over to Jessie and took her hand.

"That was amazing, Jess. I'm so proud of you. What you did…that was just awesome."

She could see Jessie couldn't stop shaking, which was a natural reaction from their near-death experience. 

"Come here," said Katie as she wrapped her arms around Jessie. "It's okay. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm so sorry." She leaned in and kissed the younger girl's forehead.

Jessie buried her face in Katie's shoulder, trying to stop trembling. "You don't have to be sorry. It was a stressful situation."

Katie brought her left hand up to show Jessie. "If it makes you feel any better, your step-mother almost broke my hand."

"A little…" said Jessie playfully, as she gently kissed Katie's hand.

"Come on. Lily shouldn't be alone right now," said Katie as they headed down the hall to Lily's room. Once the doctors took control, things seemed to calm down a bit. They stayed with Lily until Rick came running in.

"I got your message and got here as fast as I could. Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm okay," assured Lily. "Jessie and Katie drove me here."

Rick walked over to his daughter and gave her a hug. "Hey sweetie."

"Hey dad. Don't worry. Everything's fine."

Rick looked over at Katie and gave her a hug, too. "Thanks for driving her, Katie."

"Oh, well actually, Mr. Sammler—"

"Uh…Katie, maybe we should wait outside," said Jessie, as her faced conveyed to Katie that telling Rick about her driving wasn't the best thing to do at the moment. Her dad had enough things to worry about right now.

"Right," said Katie. "We'll just be in the waiting room."

They walked out, leaving Rick and Lily alone to prepare for the life they were about to bring into this world.

* * *

A couple hours later, Jessie and Katie were still in the waiting room. By now, Grace, Zoe and Eli had joined them. Eli took Zoe to the cafeteria to get something to eat, while Grace was slowly pacing the floor. Katie was sprawled out, taking up two chairs while Jessie was doing everything in her power to keep from touching Katie. She tried to focus on the weekly medical journal she found on the table next to her. Every so often, she would glance towards Katie, who returned the glance. They would smile at each other, thinking it was funny how they always looked at each other at the same time. Upon their fifth glance, Grace stopped her pacing and looked at them.

"Would you guys like me to leave?" asked Grace.

"What?" asked Jessie.

"Seriously. Because I can go join Eli and Zoe in the cafeteria if you're going to continue 'making eyes' at each other," said Grace. "I mean, I won't exactly have an appetite, but anything to get away from this."

"Grace…"

"I'm kidding," Grace sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just freaking out, I guess."

"Um…I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," said Jessie.

As Jessie got up, Grace sat down next to Katie. "So…you and Jessie…"

"I really don't feel like going through this with you, Grace," said Katie, as she sat up.

"What? I already know. I mean just because you two haven't confirmed anything doesn't mean I don't know."

Katie didn't say anything.

"So…you like my sister."

"Step-sister," said Katie.

"Fine. Step-sister. You know, you can, like, hold hands or whatever if I'm around. I won't tell anyone," assured Grace.

"Won't tell anyone what?" Katie tried to act as casual as she could.

"Katie…I see the look on her face every time you're around her. She lights up. She looks at you with so much love, it almost makes me sick. She's so obviously in love with you. You don't know that?"

Katie tried to fight it, but she couldn't. Her lips slowly formed a broad smile. 

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "Yeah. I do know that."_

Katie looked over at Grace, still smiling. She rolled her eyes and sighed. That was Katie's way of conceding. Grace had finally gotten her answer.

"And I thought we hid it so well," admitted Katie.

"What are you two smiling about?" asked Jessie, as she walked back into the waiting room.

"Nothing," said Grace.

Before Jessie could say anything, Rick came running out to greet them. 

"Hey! She had the baby. Lily had the baby. A little girl. Six pounds, four ounces," announced Rick.

"Can we see her?" asked Jessie.

"Yeah, come on. Eli and Zoe are already in there. I ran into them on the way out here."

Everyone gathered into the hospital room. There were obviously more visitors than allowed, but none of the hospital staff had said anything yet. Each person took their turn holding the baby.

"What's her name?" asked Eli, as he passed the baby on to Jessie. 

"Emily," said Lily.

Jessie looked down at her little sister and smiled. "Hi, Emily." Jessie was beaming as she watched her baby sister yawn. "She's so tiny."

"Oh, she'll grow. Before you know it," said Rick, as he tousled Jessie's hair.

Lily looked over at Katie. "You want to hold her?"

"Oh…yeah. Sure," said Katie. She was caught off guard a little bit. She was beginning to feel out of place, especially after that comment Zoe made a few weeks ago. She walked over to Jessie and took Emily in her arms. She walked back over to the window and gently rocked the baby back and forth. 

"What's her middle name?" asked Zoe.

"Middle name? Well, we haven't really thought of that yet," said Lily.

"Well, she has to have a middle name," said Zoe. 

"Why?" asked Grace.

"I don't know. In case she doesn't like her first name. She can go with her middle one," replied Zoe.

"And what's wrong with Emily?" challenged Grace.

"Nothing. Ugh, never mind," said Zoe.

"Hey, don't worry about it," said Rick. "She'll have a middle name. We just have to think of the right one. It'll come to us eventually."

Jessie paid no attention to the conversation. She was busy focusing elsewhere. Her eyes were glued to Katie. She smiled to herself as she watched Katie hold the baby in her arms. The light streaming through the window, illuminating Katie's honey brown hair, was almost too much for Jessie. She found herself getting choked up and fighting back tears. She had no idea why. Suddenly, everything seemed to move in slow motion. Katie looked over at Jessie and locked eyes with her. And at that moment, Jessie saw her entire future. She caught flashes of her life together with Katie. Five years from now. Ten years from now. Twenty years from now. She could see it so clearly. Jessie stood there, lost in Katie's eyes, forgetting her surroundings. For all they knew, the baby in Katie's arms could have been THEIR baby. It was the first time Jessie ever saw kids in her future. Before, the thought of having children frightened her to no end, but for some reason, Katie made the possibility of kids seem more than bearable. Anything seemed possible with Katie. A loft in London, a ranch inWyoming, an apartment in LA. The sky was the limit with Katie by her side. Jessie's heart literally fluttered at that moment. She didn't think a fluttering heart was actually feasible. But she just experienced it. They stayed there watching each other from across the room, while the family continued to argue about a middle name.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "No way around it. She's my future."_

To Be Continued…


	13. Chapter 13

It was early February, two weeks since Lily gave birth. Things had been pretty hectic around Rick and Lily's house over the last couple weeks, so Jessie had been going over to her mom's a little more often than usual. She wanted to escape Emily's constant crying when she was studying. Even though she absolutely adored her baby sister, and even though she could only hear her crying faintly from the attic, Jessie still found solace at her mother's house. Karen didn't mind at all. Having her daughter around more often gave her a sense of comfort. Even though Karen had been dating Henry for several months, she still found it difficult to accept the fact that her ex-husband had re-married and now had a new child. She was happy for Rick, but she was tired of holding on to the past. Rick was her past. Yet she was still grateful for her past because it resulted in Jessie and Eli. For that reason, she knew Rick would always be a part of her.

As for Jessie, at first it was a little strange for her seeing her father have a child with another woman, but she quickly got used to it. She had talked to Grace about it, since she went through the same thing when Tiffany gave birth to Jake's baby. Grace said that after a while, it didn't even faze her. Jessie found that to be true, as well. And while she loved going to her mom's to escape the baby chaos at Rick and Lily's, she also loved spending time and taking care of her baby sister.

"So, are we going to your dad's or your mom's after school today?" asked Katie, as she was walking Jessie to her last class of the day.

"I guess my mom's. She said she's working late tonight, so it'll be nice to have some quiet time," replied Jessie.

"Quiet time? With me? Jess, nothing with me is ever quiet. You know that."

"That's because you never shut up," said Jessie as she stopped in front of her classroom door.

"Don't pretend you don't love that about me."

"I love everything about you," whispered Jessie as she leaned in to kiss Katie.

Katie instantly backed away. "Whoa, Jess. I think you forgot where you for a second. Someone might see."

Jessie realized what she almost did. She looked around to see if anyone had seen her near-fatal mistake. She then suddenly stopped looking around and shyly looked towards the floor. She stood there and thought for a moment, then looked up and smiled sweetly at Katie.

"You know, maybe I don't care so much about that anymore."

Katie felt her entire body jolt from hearing those words escape Jessie's lips. She stood there in shock, not really knowing how to react. She was completely thrilled by those words, but did her best not to appear so elated. She just smiled back at Jessie.

"So…I'll see you after school," said Jessie as she turned and walked into her classroom.

Katie nodded, still taken aback by Jessie's statement. She had no recollection of how she even got to her next class.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "She doesn't care. She's actually starting to not care what people think. This is good. This is definitely a good thing." She smiles at the camera, excitedly._

* * *

After school, Katie pulled up to the curb at Jessie's mom's house and parked her car. She took off her seat belt and started to get out of the car when she felt Jessie's hand grab her hand. She looked over and saw Jessie smiling at her.

"Wait…I don't want to go in just yet."

"Jess, it's freezing out here."

"So put the heater on. Or better yet…" Jessie leaned over and kissed Katie. "Maybe I can keep you warm."

Katie couldn't stop herself from grinning. Instead of responding, she pulled Jessie in for another mind-blowing kiss. This one ignited a fire big enough to melt the snow on the ground that had fallen the night before. Jessie reached her hand out and ran it along Katie's leg and then moved her lips down to Katie's neck. Katie suddenly began to breathe heavier. The cold from outside managed to seep into the car and she could see her breath with every exhale, but somehow she was also sweating. A reaction more than likely caused by the sensations Jessie was stirring up inside of her. She took off her jacket as her body heat continued to rise.

"Jessie…" Katie could barely get her voice above a whisper.

Jessie continued to drink in the taste of Katie's skin, devouring every inch of Katie's soft neck with her lips and tongue. Jessie decided that the passenger seat was too far away from Katie, so she made a bold move and pulled herself over towards Katie, climbed on her lap and straddled her while eagerly kissing Katie once more. Katie didn't even know what to do with herself at that point. The feeling of Jessie pressed up against her so closely brought endless pleasure to Katie. She grasped Jessie's hips and pulled her even closer to her. But she knew they were heading into dangerous territory. It took every ounce of strength she had, but she brought her hands up to Jessie's shoulders and gently pushed her away.

"Jessie, maybe we should go inside. Your mom might…"

"My mom won't be home until eight. She told me this morning. She even left some money to order a pizza," replied Jessie, as she persistently continued to ravish Katie's lips. Katie was rendered helpless by this point. Jessie's hormones had taken full control over the situation and Katie was no match for that. Her hands traveled from Jessie's waist down to her thighs. Katie gripped Jessie's thighs tighter as Jessie began to unbutton Katie's blouse. Jessie could feel the steering wheel digging into her back, but she didn't care. She finished unbuttoning Katie's shirt and slowly opened the shirt to reveal Katie's shoulders, then her bra and finally, her stomach. As the shirt hung off of Katie's shoulders, Jessie found herself in a state of anticipation she had never felt before. She pulled back and took in the sight before her. She languidly perused what Katie's shirt had been hiding. Her eyes grew wider with every inch she explored until she finally met Katie's gaze once again.

Katie looked up at Jessie and grinned. "You can put your eyes back in their sockets now."

Jessie began to blush. "Was I that obvious?"

"A little."

"You're too smug for your own good," informed Jessie as she began to tug at Katie's shirt and pulled it off completely. She inched forward, trying to relieve the pain in her back from the steering wheel. Katie placed her hand behind Jessie's neck and pulled her in for another kiss, as Jessie allowed her hands to roam, exploring Katie's body. They found themselves right in the middle of a common high school cliché. As their heavy make-out session continued, the windows in Katie's car slowly began steaming up. Katie had succeeded in removing Jessie's shirt, as well, and caught herself doing the exact same thing Jessie had done. For some reason, she couldn't pull her eyes away from Jessie's body.

Jessie leaned in and whispered in Katie's ear. "I love you."

Katie held on to her girlfriend. "I love you, too, Jessie."

They stayed like that for several minutes, basking in the warmth of each other's skin. Katie lazily ran her fingers along the material of Jessie's bra while indulging in the feeling of Jessie's head resting on her shoulder. Katie started moving her lips along Jessie's neck.

Both girls were enjoying this moment too much to care about the outside world at the moment. They were completely caught up in each other. Neither of them could hear the car pulling up in the driveway. They didn't see Karen get out of her car, much earlier than expected. They didn't see Karen's smile as she noticed Katie's car and walked over to greet them. They didn't see her smile fade as she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what was happening through the fogged up window. They didn't notice the look of devastation on Karen's face when she realized her daughter was making out with her best friend. Karen stood there. Frozen.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "There are moments in life that stop your heart. Not literally of course. But there are moments that turn your world completely upside down. And there's nothing you can do, but sit back and watch it happen. And you see it happening in slow motion. And you think, 'this isn't real. It's not really happening.' But it is. And how you handle those moments shows what kind of person you really are."_

Once Karen found the strength to move again, she knocked on the car window, startling the two figures inside.

"Oh my God," exclaimed Jessie as climbed off of Katie and immediately started to put her shirt back on.

Katie wasn't so quick to react. She was more in shock than anything. She couldn't look away from Karen, who was looking directly at her. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. The disappointment in Karen's eyes completely paralyzed Katie.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "We should have told her. I knew we should have told her. Oh God. This is bad."_

"Katie, what are you doing? Put your shirt on," insisted Jessie, as she grabbed Katie's shirt and frantically started putting back on her.

"Huh? I don't know. I'm…I'm sorry," said Katie, as she started buttoning up her shirt. "I…I don't know what to do."

Karen could feel the rage and frustration building up inside of her.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "It's moments like this when your true colors show. You find out what you're really made of."_

Karen was fuming as she pulled the car door open and pulled Jessie out of the car.

"Jessie, come inside. Now," insisted Karen.

"Mom…"

"Now!"

Katie could tell Karen was not handling this well. She got out of the car and came around to talk to Karen.

"Don't even talk to me," protested Karen.

"Mrs. Sammler…"

"Katie, you need to leave."

Katie stood there, shivering in the cold. She left her jacket in the car and didn't realize how cold it really was until she got out. She continued shaking as she watched Jessie head towards the house. Jessie turned around and looked at Katie.

Karen watched as Katie and Jessie held each other's gaze. She had seen enough of this.

"Katie, leave. Now." She turned around and yelled at her daughter. "Jessie, get in the house!"

Jessie obliged as she walked into the house and closed the door behind her. She sat down on the couch and waited anxiously for the wrath that was about to come down on her.

Katie stood there as goose bumps had fully taken over her body from the cold.

"Mrs. Sammler, please just let me explain," pleaded Katie.

Karen gave Katie one last look, then turned around and walked into the house. Katie reluctantly got back into her car and sat there for a while, trying to decide whether she should knock on the door and try to explain things, or let Jessie try to calm Karen down. She opted for the latter. She wanted to defend Jessie, but she didn't want to make matters worse by doing so. So she drove away, hoping Jessie would call her as soon as she was able to.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "Apparently, those kinds of moments are the ones I suck at. I guess I found out what I'm really made of. But does that really make me a bad person?"_

Karen walked into the house and closed the door. She sat on the armchair adjacent to the couch Jessie was sitting on. Jessie couldn't bring herself to look at her mother. Karen found it difficult to look at her daughter. They stayed there; Jessie staring at the ground while Karen stared straight ahead. The silence was completely deafening to Jessie. Several minutes passed by and neither of them had said a word.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "She probably thinks I'm over-reacting. Maybe I am, but I have every right to be upset." She shakes her head. "There's no manual for this sort of thing. They don't teach you in parenting class how to react when you find out your daughter is…"_

The silence was growing more prominent by the minute. Jessie could only see this as the calm before the storm. She finally looked over at her mom, who still refused to look at Jessie or say anything.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "Speak. Just say something. Anything is better than silence."_

But Jessie didn't say a word. She didn't even know where to begin.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "She's my daughter. My only daughter. My baby. She's young. She's confused. She doesn't know how the world can be."_

It had been at least fifteen minutes of sitting in complete quiet. Jessie couldn't read the look on her mom's face.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "I just don't understand. I don't. I mean, I knew they spent a lot of time together, but this…I just don't understand it."_

Karen finally put an end to the excruciating silence. She cleared her throat. And after about a minute of deliberating exactly what she wanted to say, she finally spoke.

"How long?" Karen's voice cracked. She still refused to look at her daughter.

"What?"

"How long, Jessie? How long has this been going on?"

Jessie braced for the worst. "Um…about…almost a year…I guess."

Karen finally looked over at Jessie. "What?"

"Um…it started last spring. So…I guess about 10 months?" Jessie's stomach was in knots.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "You expect your kids to disappoint you. They're human. Everyone disappoints their parents at some point. I did. Rick did. It's a part of life. But…ten months? My daughter has been lying to me for ten months. She all of a sudden decides she…" Karen trails off and thinks for a moment. "And I never even suspected. I mean, why would I? Anorexia, I've dealt with. Teenage pregnancy, drinking, drugs, getting in car accidents, failing grades, getting sick, rebelling against me…these are all things I've prepared myself for with Jessie. I even had a little speech prepared for every single situation. But this…I'm at a loss."_

"Ten months. You two have…for ten months?!"

"Mom, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. My daughter…my child…is engaging in a…a same-sex relationship with her best friend, and you want me to calm down?!"

"Mom, please."

"Jessie…I…I trusted you. I trusted her. I invited her into my home!"

"Mom, she's not a bad person. You know this. You like her! You always told me how much you like her," Jessie tried to assuage the situation.

"I didn't know what you were doing with her!"

"What difference does that make? I'm happy! She makes me happy, mom."

"Stop it. Just stop, Jessie. You're sixteen. You can't possibly know…"

"What. I can't possibly know what, mom?"

"You can't know who you are at sixteen. Or who makes you happy. Or what you want."

"You were sixteen when you decided you wanted to be a lawyer," replied Jessie.

"I'm talking about relationships. It's a confusing time for you, Jessie. And it's…it's just not right."

"What's not right?"

"This relationship you have with Katie. It's not appropriate."

Jessie sunk back into the couch. She was near tears and had no idea how she could possibly convey to her mother how much Katie meant to her.

Jessie shook her head. "How could you say that? How could you say it's not appropriate? Everyone sees it, mom. Everyone sees how much happier I've been since she came along. Everyone has commented on how great she's been to me."

"That's because they don't know what's been going on, Jessie. I don't even…" Karen took a deep breath. "What exactly have you two done?"

"What?"

"How far have you gone?"

"Mom, that's private"

"Jessie, stop hiding things from me!" Karen was starting to lose her temper again.

"We haven't done anything! Okay? Nothing that you really need to be concerned with."

"Don't tell me what I shouldn't be concerned with. You're my daughter."

"Yeah, I know. But you're not making this easy for me."

"Oh, well, I'm so sorry this is inconveniencing you. Who cares about how I feel?" replied Karen. Jessie knew she was angry by the amount of sarcasm she was dripping with.

"Mom, I care about how you feel. I just…"

"You have no idea how disappointed I am in you, Jessie."

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "I guess I've officially done it. I've disappointed my mother to the point of no return. I can see it in her eyes. She used to look at me beaming with pride. And now…" Jessie wipes a tear away from her face. "It's just an empty stare. She sees right through me. All she can see is the failure in front of her. That's what she sees me as. And that breaks my heart."_

"I don't want you seeing Katie again," said Karen.

Jessie felt as though something pierced her heart at that exact moment. She looked at her mother. "Mom…you can't…"

"Jessie, don't argue with me. I'm going to call your dad. And we're going to talk about this. I don't know what he's going to say. But I can tell you right now…I can't even look at you."

Karen watched as her daughter began weeping on the couch. She stoically stood up, walked into her bedroom, and closed the door behind her, leaving Jessie crying by herself.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "How do I even…How can I even look at her the same?"_

To Be Continued….


	14. Chapter 14

"I'm coming! Hold on a sec!" yelled Rick as the pounding on the front door increased with each passing moment. As soon as he opened the door, Karen came bursting through in an uncontrollable agitated state.

"Karen…"

"Did you know what was going on?" asked Karen as she walked into the living room.

"Come on in…"

"Don't start with me, Rick."

"I thought we were going to meet up tonight," said Rick.

"I couldn't wait that long. Did you know?"

"Know what? What is going on? Is Jessie okay?" asked Rick.

"So you don't know anything."

"All I know is you called me frantically yesterday saying we need to talk about Jessie. And apparently you couldn't wait until tonight. I told you, I have to go into work today. Sam and I have a meeting with Colin."

"So work is more important than your daughter," stated Karen.

"Of course not!" answered Rick.

_**Black and White**_

_Rick: "Karen always had a way of making a bigger deal out of things than they really are. She would always get so uptight about things. It was exhausting, but somehow I found it adorable at the same time. I hate to say it, but eventually it became more grating_ _than anything. She was always so defensive about everything. Eli takes after her in that sense. She sort of left me no choice. I always had to be the calm and rational one. And Jessie…well, I guess she takes after me in that way."_

Karen took off her coat as Rick was getting his plans together for the meeting.

"Jessie's been lying to us," said Karen, matter-of-factly.

Rick stopped what he was doing and looked at his ex-wife.

"That's ridiculous. Jessie would never lie to us."

Karen was still dumbfounded by everything that she had experienced in the last 20 hours. "Have we been so absorbed in our own lives and so absent in our daughter's life to not notice…"

Rick was growing more and more frustrated with Karen's elusiveness. "Karen, what are you talking about?"

Karen sighed and looked at Rick. "She's been seeing someone."

Rick only half-heartedly paid attention to Karen's statement. He was too busy looking for his keys. "What do you mean?"

"She's been dating…someone…for almost a year now!" exclaimed Karen.

Rick stopped his hunt for the keys and looked over at Karen. "Look, the last I knew of Jessie dating anyone was Tad last year. And as far as I know, they're just friends now. I think I would have noticed if some guy has been in my daughter's life for the past year."

**_Black and White_**

_Rick: "Jessie and I have always had this bond. She's always been able to open up to me more than Karen for some reason. She always said I was much easier than her mom. Whenever she needed money or a ride or new clothes, she'd always ask me. I guess she's always known I've been wrapped around her finger since the moment she was born. I just see so much of myself in her."_

Karen began to feel herself fuming. Flashes of the previous day when she found Katie and Jessie together entered her mind and she grew even more angry at Rick's ignorance.

"She's been seeing Katie!" said Karen.

Rick was taken aback by Karen's words. "What?"

"Katie…and Jessie…they've been seeing each other. Romantically." It pained Karen to have to say those words out loud. She looked to Rick for some kind of response.

Rick took a step back as Karen's words began to sink in. His face went blank. He was in complete shock. "But…that can't be right. Karen, do you realize what you're saying?"

"I caught them, Rick. In Katie's car, I…they were…I caught them."

Rick's mouth was slightly open. His eyes darted all over the room, unable to focus directly on one thing. He wanted to sit down, but found it was nearly impossible to even move. Slowly, in his mind, he was piecing everything together. He thought back on how Katie was always over and how they were always together practically every moment of every day. And when they weren't together, the majority of the time Jessie had a phone call, it was Katie on the other end. He felt his face go flush and finally brought himself to move. He was still taken aback as he sat down on the couch.

"She's been lying to me…"

"She's been lying to both of us. Katie, too. They've both been lying to us," informed Karen.

**_Black and White_**

_Rick: "Jessie's such a good person. She has a good heart. I've seen that in her since she was little. How do I…" He looks away from the camera. "How could I judge her any differently? I mean…she's the same good person she's always been, right? That same little girl who would look up at me with those eyes and…" Rick is rendered speechless. He looks at the camera. "She's the same person."_

"We need to talk to her, Rick. Both of us. We need to sit her down and explain to her why this is not right."

"Whoa, Karen, slow down. Give me a minute, will you?" Rick felt his mouth grow dry as the thought of his daughter dating Katie grew more difficult to withstand. "I think I need some water. Do you need some water?"

Karen looked at her ex-husband, incredulously. "No, I don't need water. I'm telling you our daughter is…our daughter is gay, and you're offering me a beverage."

"Gay…" Rick repeated the word. This whole concept didn't seem real until Karen uttered that word. "Do you really think she's…gay?"

"I don't know, Rick. That's why we have to talk to her. But I absolutely refuse to let Jessie see Katie. I don't want that girl over at my house. I don't want her over here when Jessie's here. Rick, are you listening to me?"

"Karen, she's her best friend. Let's just talk about this, okay? You can't just tell Jessie she's not allowed to see her best friend."

"Were you this dense when we were married?" asked Karen. "They are more than just friends."

"I know that. But…let's just find out what's going on before we start casting stones."

"You're not even a little upset by this?"

"Of course I'm upset. I'm extremely upset. I'm…beside myself right now. I thought…I mean, I never expected this."

"Then you agree, it's best that they don't see each other right now," said Karen.

"I…let's just talk to Jessie together, okay? I'll come over tomorrow and we'll all talk about this."

_**Black and White:**_

_Rick: "Anything Jessie wanted, I did everything in my power to give to her. Because it made her happy. And she never wanted much. She's one of the most selfless people I've ever met and sometimes I'd ask myself how I got so lucky to have such an amazing daughter. I always swore to myself, if it was in her best interest, I would never deny her anything." He looks at the camera. " How could I possibly deny her of this?"_

A few hours later, Rick sat at the kitchen counter with Lily sitting next to him.

"Oh my gosh. Rick, this is huge," said Lily. "I mean, it's not…horrible. Of course, it's not ideal, either. And it'll take some getting used to, but…I don't know." She looked over at her husband. "Are you okay? How do you feel about all this?"

Rick sat staring straight ahead. "I still haven't had much time to process it. I just…I haven't even talked to Jessie yet. I don't even know what to say to her."

Lily caressed his arm and put her head on his shoulder. "Well, I think the best thing for Jessie right now is to be supportive. Obviously, Karen didn't take it too well. I mean, how does anyone know how they'd react to something like that?"

"Yeah…" Rick was off in his own world, still trying to comprehend everything Karen had told him.

_**Black and White**_

_Lily: "I guess maybe it's easier for me. I mean, I have and always will consider Jessie my daughter, but…I guess it's easier for me to be supportive of her since she's my step-daughter. I remember when I had my suspicions about Gracie. My seemingly open mind just closed up. And no matter how much I convinced myself that I would love her and support her no matter what, there's still a part of me that's so thankful that is wasn't true." She looks away from the camera. "Which may just make me the biggest hypocrite alive."_

Lily knew Rick was having trouble adjusting to the situation.

"This can't be easy for Jessie," said Lily. "And Katie…well, she's—"

"Corrupting my daughter," interrupted Rick.

Lily was caught off guard by his abrupt response. "Uh…I was going to say she's incredibly sweet and a great friend to Jessie. Is that how you really feel? You think she's corrupting Jessie?"

"I don't know…"

"Katie has been nothing but kind-hearted to Jessie and this entire family. I mean, she was a godsend when I went into labor."

"I know," said Rick. "I don't know why I said that. She's a very…nice girl."

Before Lily could respond, Grace came strolling into the kitchen looking for something to snack on. She stopped as soon as she saw Rick and Lily's contemplative faces. Grace knew something was up. She could feel the infinite tension in the air. Thankfully the tension was short-lived when they heard Emily crying from her crib upstairs.

Rick looked at Lily. "I got it."

As Rick headed upstairs, Lily sat at the counter and reflected upon what she had just learned. Grace started digging around in the fridge to try to find something passable to eat.

"Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you know…is something…going on with Jessie?"

Grace stopped sifting through the fridge for a moment, but kept her back to her mother. "What do you mean?"

"Is Jessie…is she…I notice that she and Katie are always together," said Lily.

"Yeah, that's what friends do. They hang out together."

**_Black and White_**

_Grace: "Uh oh. This can't be good."_

Lily tried to study her daughter's body language to see if she knew anything about Jessie and Katie. She didn't want to tell Grace anything if she didn't know yet, but her daughter was so perceptive, she was probably the first to know.

"Grace, did you know that Katie and Jessie are together?" asked Lily, bluntly.

Grace grabbed an apple from the fridge and turned around to face her mother. "Sort of…"

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because it's nobody's business. Besides, it's not even that big of deal. So they're together. There are worse things in this world than two people who have managed to find some sort of happiness with each other."

**_Black and White_**

_Lily: "Sometimes I wonder how it's possible I managed to raise such an amazing kid."_

"Do Rick and Karen know?" asked Grace.

"Yeah. They're pretty upset about it."

"Why? They shouldn't be."

"Well, they've been lied to, first of all."

"Well, can you blame Jessie for keeping from them?" asked Grace. "I mean we all know Jessie's mom tends to overreact to things…"

"Grace!"

"It's true! I mean, she threw Eli out of the house just for losing his job."

"That was a long time ago. Besides, I don't think she'd do that with Jessie."

"Don't be so sure," replied Grace.

"Okay, that's enough."

"Look, mom. If you could just see them. How they are when they're together. You'd understand it."

Lily sighed as Rick came downstairs with Emily in his arms. He sat on the living room couch and turned on the television.

"What's he watching?" asked Grace.

Lily listened for a moment and then nodded knowingly. "The History Channel."

"Wow. He's really taking this hard, isn't he?" asked Grace.

"He'll come around," said Lily as she headed out to the living room to join Rick as he indulged in his self-pity.

* * *

Monday afternoon, Jessie was doing her best to concentrate on the French words echoing through her headphones. She decided to use her lunch hour to catch up on some work in the language lab. That's what she told herself, anyway. The real reason she was there was because she didn't want to face Katie. She had no idea what she was going to say to her. After the way her mother reacted, she spent the entire weekend thinking about everything: Katie, her mom, her dad…. And now, as she listened to the foreign words coming from the strange voice in her headphones, she was even more confused than ever. She was just thankful that the room was empty. The less distractions she had, the better.

Her dad was relatively quiet during the conversation with her parents, so she didn't know what to make of his reaction. But she couldn't get her mother's hurtful words out of her head. She was deep in thought as she nervously played with the locket around her neck. She looked down at it and studied the engraving on the back, as she had a thousand times before: K + B.

Katie watched from the doorway as Jessie reminisced about the moment Katie gave her the locket. She was incredibly nervous. She hadn't heard from Jessie all weekend and now it seemed as though she was trying to avoid her today. She took a deep breath, walked up to where Jessie was sitting and tapped her on the shoulder.

Jessie looked up and immediately took off her headphones. "Hey."

"Hey. Mind if I sit down?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

Katie took a seat next to the blonde and sat there for a moment, hoping Jessie would break the silence.

Katie caved in and spoke first. "So…."

"I should have called you," admitted Jessie.

"Is everything okay," asked Katie, genuinely concerned for Jessie.

Jessie lowered her head. "Not exactly."

"What happened?" Katie reached out to take Jessie's hand, but the younger girl pulled her hand away before any contact was made. Flashes of her mother's face entered her mind, clouding everything around her. Jessie unzipped her backpack and started gathering her books from the desk.

"That bad, huh?" asked Katie, trying to pretend she wasn't hurt by Jessie's sudden fear of contact.

Jessie started hastily putting her books in her bag, without looking up at Katie. Katie's heart started pounding out of her chest. Something was obviously wrong. She had never seen Jessie in such a manic state before.

"Jessie, look at me."

Jessie continued to frantically load up her bag. Her hands were shaking and she could feel her entire body growing weaker.

"Jessie, you can talk to me. It's okay. Just talk to me. What happened?"

Jessie felt the tears materialize behind her eyes, and she knew that if she caught a glimpse of Katie's face, the tears would start pouring down her cheeks. So she did the only thing she could think of. She focused solely on getting everything into her backpack. She grew more irritated as she tried to zip it up, but it kept getting stuck. She yanked the zipper on the bag as hard as she could as a tear unintentionally escaped her eyes and trickled down her cheek.

Katie could see how distressed Jessie was becoming. She got down on her knees and took hold of Jessie's wrists to try to calm her down.

"Jessie, stop. Just stop. It's okay," exclaimed Katie.

Jessie finally looked at her girlfriend. "No. It's not okay."

Katie slowly pulled her hands away from Jessie's wrists and tried to zip up her bag for her. "Here. Let me get this."

She re-opened the backpack and noticed a little stuffed monkey was caught in the zipper. She managed to get his fur untangled and pulled him out. "I see you brought Fred with you."

Jessie nodded. "I made it a habit of taking him with me places."

"Well, he was the culprit. It should close fine now," said Katie, as she held on to the monkey.

Jessie calmly zipped up her bag. "Thanks."

"So…there's twenty minutes left of lunch. Do you want go somewhere and talk?" asked Katie.

"Actually…I don't think that's such a good idea."

Katie felt her heart stop beating at that moment. "Why?"

"I just think that maybe we should just…take a step back for a while."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know…like…take a break, or something."

"A break from what?" asked Katie, even though she already knew the answer.

"From this. From us." Jessie couldn't bring herself to look at Katie. She couldn't even believe the words that were coming out of her mouth.

Katie felt her grip tighten around Fred. It was the only tangible thing she had to hold onto at this moment. "Jessie, don't. Don't do this, okay?"

"I have to go." Jessie started to walk out the door.

"Wait…" Katie looked for any excuse to keep Jessie in her presence. She looked down at her hands. "You forgot Fred."

Through her tears, Jessie looked back at Katie. "Maybe you can hold onto him for me for a little while."

Katie didn't know what to say. She simply nodded as she watched Jessie walk out the door. Jessie stopped and turned around to look at Katie one last time. She bit down on her lower lip to keep it from quivering. After a brief moment, Jessie mouthed 'I'm sorry' and walked out the door. Katie stood there completely devastated as her entire world shattered around her.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie sits there, completely numb: "Did she just break up with me?"_

Once she was able to move again, Katie miserably headed towards the door just in time to see Rebecca Grayson walk in. She looked Katie up and down and could and could tell the girl was obviously dejected about something.

"What's the matter, Singer? Your girlfriend break up with you, or something?" taunted Rebecca.

Katie looked at her, expressionless and then walked out the door. Rebecca had no idea how right she was.

To Be Continued…


	15. Chapter 15

Katie had suffered through the longest week she had ever experienced. Ever since that day Jessie walked away from her in the language lab, Katie had to use all her strength just to put one foot in front of the other. She was a shell of a person; a walking corpse. At first, she tried to hide her bloodshot eyes from the rest of the world, but eventually she didn't see the point of hiding her pain. She would have had to avoid school and all other human interaction altogether. She hadn't spoken to Jessie since that day. She was too afraid of what Jessie might say and she wanted to be considerate of Jessie's need for space so she could sort things out. But a week without Jessie was taking its toll on Katie. A week without seeing her face or hearing her voice was making Katie absolutely miserable. She found it increasingly difficult to fall asleep. She would lay in bed with her eyes wide open. She knew if she fell asleep, visions of Jessie would enter her mind and then when she awoke, she'd have to remind herself that it was only a dream. That Jessie wasn't really there. That everything was not okay. So Katie tried to endure her sleepless nights as best she could.

School proved to be even more agonizing than her bed. She was constantly keeping her eye out for Jessie, but hadn't seen her the entire week. She could only assume that Jessie made it a point to be wherever Katie wasn't. She knew Katie's schedule by heart, so she knew the right ways to avoid her. So Katie kept on going, despite the excruciating pain she was feeling. She never knew she could feel so lonely. Granted, she still had people to talk to, but it wasn't the same. And even all her friends commented on how much she had changed and how detached she was from everything. It was the only way Katie knew how to survive this. She just allowed herself to go completely numb.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "I guess the hardest part is not knowing how Jessie feels. Is she just as upset as I am? Does she think about me at all? Does she even care? Is she over me?" She pauses and shakes her head. "How could she not even think about me a little? I wish I could just…know. If I knew she was feeling the same way, maybe I could sleep at night. Maybe I could breathe…"_

Jessie definitely did not have it any easier than Katie. Per her mother's instructions, she was to go to school and then go straight home, whether it was her mom's house or Rick's and Lily's house. Katie wasn't imagining things. Jessie did make it a point to avoid all the usual routes that Katie took to class. She just couldn't handle seeing Katie's face. She had heard enough of a description from Grace, who told her that Katie looked like death warmed over. Jessie looked pretty much the same way. In the last seven days, she had been finding it more and more difficult to eat, which set off another round of arguing with her mother. But Jessie figured, if she couldn't have Katie in her life, what was the point of having food? Food is supposed to be pleasurable and filling. Jessie had no pleasure in her life and she felt so empty, all the food in the world would never make her full. For that matter, Jessie started wondering why she even needed air. If she stopped breathing, may she could some sort of peace; some sort of break from the pain she was feeling. Because anything was better than this. Even unconsciousness.

It was Monday morning and Jessie made her way down the hall less traveled at Upton Sinclair. It was Jessie least favorite detour because it meant she had to walk around practically the entire school to get to her class. She put her hand in her jacket pocket and felt the dark chocolate candy bar that she'd been carrying with her for the past week. Jessie usually supplied Katie with her early morning chocolate rush every day. She brought this particular candy bar with her every day last week, but never got up the courage to actually give it to her. She was going to leave it in her locker, but decided against that, as well. She didn't know what Katie would think of it, or if she would even accept it, or by this point, if she would even care. So here it was, the candy bar was still in her pocket unable to find its way to the sweet lips of the object of Jessie's affection.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "I had gotten in the habit of doing things for her. Little things that no one else would probably even care about. But I know she did. I could tell by the look on her face. Her eyes would smile before her mouth did. And that look is just burned on my brain. I can't get it out of my mind. Her face, her eyes." Jessie tries to keep herself from crying. "I've heard that being a teenager is hard. But no one ever told me it would be like this. No one ever told me I'd have to choose."_

Jessie stopped walking. She left the chocolate bar in her pocket as she pulled her hand out. Her mouth fell slightly open as she looked straight ahead of her. Katie was walking with Tad. Katie was kind of far away, but close enough to cause Jessie to lose her breath for a moment. She stood there motionless as she watched the love of her life moving closer and closer to her. Katie appeared engrossed in her conversation with Tad until she looked ahead and saw Jessie standing there. Katie abruptly stopped as those pale blue eyes burned deep into hers from ten feet away. Seven days Katie's eyes had gone without seeing Jessie's face. It was almost as if she were seeing her for the first time. And she was just as beautiful as ever. Even more. Katie smiled meekly and nodded to Jessie. Jessie continued to watch as Katie and Tad started walking again.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "There are moments in life that just pass you by. You have the chance to do something. Something small, but meaningful. And you only have one chance to do it. Because that's what a moment is. And then it's gone. And you're left there wondering why you didn't do something. Or say something. And then you just feel like a fool. And you're filled with regret."_

Jessie looked down, reached back into her pocket and grabbed the candy bar. She hesitated for a moment, wondering what she would say to Katie. She felt her heart start to race faster as the nerves built up inside her stomach. By the time she finally gathered her words, she found it was too late. Katie had disappeared to her next class and Jessie was left standing there with an unopened candy bar in her hand, trying her best not to break down at that moment.

* * *

A few days later, Eli was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on his sandwich when Karen walked in through the back door.

"Eli…hi."

"Hey mom," said Eli as he put the mustard back in the fridge.

"What are you doing here? I thought your band was rehearsing."

"I postponed it until tonight," informed Eli.

"Oh."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you," said Eli.

"About what?" asked Karen as she put down her briefcase.

"About Jessie."

Karen closed her eyes and sighed. "Eli, I don't want to discuss this right now."

"Mom, just hear me out."

Karen impatiently leaned against the counter. "Eli, you don't know what's going on. The fewer people who are brought into this, the better."

"I do know what's going on," said Eli.

"You do?"

"I've known for a while."

Karen was awestruck. Now it seemed as though everyone was lying to her. "Of course you did. Well, that's just fantastic. Why am I always the last person to know everything around here?"

"You're not the last to know…I was just the first. Look, why can't you just be happy for her?"

"Eli, stop."

"No. Can't you see? She's miserable. She doesn't talk. She doesn't sleep. She doesn't eat. She needs to eat something, but she refuses. Why are you doing this to her?" Eli was trying to stay calm, but he could feel himself tensing up thinking about how dejected his sister had been lately.

_**Black and White: **_

_Karen: "This isn't me. Really. I mean, I thought I'd always be tolerant and accepting when it came to my children. I don't like who I am right now. I admit, I'm being irrational, but I don't care. She is my only daughter. She's young. She's confused. She needs to know that this is just a phase. I mean…it IS a phase, right?"_

"What do you mean?" asked Karen. "What am I doing to her?"

"You're crippling her. You're killing her slowly and everyone can see it. She was finally doing so well with everything. And now…she's so depressed, but she's staying away from Katie. For you. She's doing this for you. Because she's scared to death that if she doesn't, you won't love her anymore."

Karen was completely bewildered by Eli's words. "I could never, ever stop loving her."

"How could she know that? You barely even talk to her anymore!"

"Eli, this has been really difficult for me."

"Well, imagine how it's been for her. So she likes another girl. Big deal. She's a good person with a pure heart. She's never given you any trouble. Why can't you just accept this and support her?"

"Because I don't want anything to happen to her. You know I would die before I let anything happen to either of you. And you know how fragile she is. If this gets out around her school and she's under that kind of scrutiny, I don't want her regressing back to how she was."

"You mean how she was before she met Katie?" asked Eli.

Karen was thrown by that question. "I…what do you mean?"

"Oh, wake up, mom. You know for a fact that Katie's the reason for Jessie conquering all of her issues."

"Well, not entirely. I think her therapy has had a lot to do with it. Look, Eli, I can't talk about this right now."

"Mom…"

"Eli." Karen looked at her son, smiled and tousled his hair. "What are you going to do with your life?"

Eli thought for a moment. "I don't know, mom. But right now, I just want my sister back."

_**Black and White**_

_Karen: "You know your job as a parent is almost done when your children start making more sense than you do. When did he get so…mature? And Jessie…" She thinks for a moment. "Of course I love her. I just can't condone this kind of behavior. I don't know why she's doing this. I don't know how this happened. I don't know who she is anymore. And I can't talk to her because, the thing is…I don't WANT to know."_

* * *

Katie looked over at her clock. It was 3:22am. She lay on her back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. It was yet another sleepless night for Katie Singer. She nervously rubbed her feet together as she turned on her side. She reached out to grab her cell phone and checked it on the off chance that she had a missed message from Jessie, just as she had done 18 minutes before that. And just as she suspected, there was no message. As she put the phone back down, all she could do was listen to the silence. It was driving her insane. She simply could not get Jessie off her mind. She threw the covers off of her, got up out of her bed and walked down the hall. Tears were slowly forming in her eyes. When she got to the living room, she found her dad wide awake, watching television. He dad looked over at Katie and saw his daughter's bloodshot eyes.

"What's wrong?"

Katie was surprised. It was the first time in a while that her father actually showed any interest in her.

"Oh…I'm just…I'm having a really bad week. It's…it's been really rough. And I don't know what to do," said Katie, as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Oh." Her dad seemed to have lost interest and looked back at the tv. Katie stood there for a moment and then quietly walked back to her room, trying not to wake up her mother.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "My dad and I were never really that close. He's always been around and stuff, and when I was younger, we were a lot closer. But now he's more like a stranger. Lately, it's gotten worse. There are…things…that he knows about me. Things that…he's just not happy with. I mean, he hasn't said anything about it, but…I just know. I guess maybe he thinks if he doesn't talk to me, he won't have to think about it. And it's okay. I've gotten used to it. But I never realized how lonely this house feels. Even when my parents are here, it's still empty. I just never really noticed because I was always with Jessie. I never felt lonely with her."_

Katie went back into her room and lay back down on her bed. Her restlessness was growing stronger. She looked over and saw Fred, the drumming monkey, sitting on her nightstand. As she picked him up, she could still vaguely smell Jessie's scent emanating from him. At that moment, the memory of their first kiss came rushing back to Katie. The attic. The letter. The sweater. The long-sleeve olive green shirt she was wearing that day, that no longer fits her, but she refuses to throw away. Jessie's eyes. The embrace they shared. The kiss. That amazing first kiss that rendered Katie helpless in Jessie's arms. Followed by that unforgettable second kiss that solidified every emotion Katie felt for Jessie.

Katie could feel the lump in her throat rising. And just when she didn't think she could feel any worse, she realized what tomorrow was. As if she needed another reason to feel lonely, she remembered that tomorrow was Valentine's Day.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie: "My God. I miss her so much."_

* * *

Even though both Jessie and Katie rightfully believed that Valentine's Day was a stupid, made-up holiday that was an attempt to bring about mass consumerism, they both found it exceptionally difficult to get through the day without thinking of each other. Neither girl had spoken to each other in almost two weeks. And even though Jessie desperately wanted Katie back in her life, thoughts of her disapproving mother still clouded her judgment. Rick, on the other hand, was slowly starting to come around. They hadn't talked about the Katie situation since that initial conversation with her parents, but it seemed Rick was finally coming to terms with everything, and things were somewhat normal between Jessie and her father again. And Jessie was grateful for that, even though she wanted to talk to him about Katie. She wanted him to convince her mother that she was overreacting. But she was too scared and too embarrassed to bring it up. So they maintained their casual, cordial conversations. The only thing that she and her father really argued about was Jessie's refusal to eat.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "It's not that I don't want to eat. I really don't want to go down the anorexia road again. I just…I miss her. And this whole thing is just making me sick. And I don't know how to make it better."_

A despondent and brooding Jessie meandered her way down the halls of Upton Sinclair High School. She stopped at her locker just before her last class of the day. Her stomach was in knots with nervous anticipation. She opened her locker, for the fifth time that day, and was let down yet again. Her shoulders dropped as she disappointedly closed her empty locker and headed to her gym class. She wasn't sure why, but for some reason Jessie thought there was a chance that Katie may have gotten her something for Valentine's Day. She didn't know why she even considered that notion, after the way she ended things with Katie. She was saddened, but not surprised that her locker was empty.

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "In a way, I guess I'm sort of relieved. I mean, if she had gotten me something, it would have made things more uncomfortable and I wouldn't know what to say to her. I told her I wanted a break. I told her I needed time. She's giving me what I want. It's better this way. It's easier." She looks down, trying to convince herself that her words are true._

After gym, Jessie was glad it was time to finally go home and sleep away the rest of this dark day. She was exhausted after playing her heart out on the basketball court. For one hour, she managed to wipe Katie from her mind by pushing herself to her physical limit. She plopped down on the bench in the locker room and tried to catch her breath as the sweat dripped down her neck. She was becoming increasingly dizzy and was seriously regretting not eating lunch earlier. She didn't know working out in such a depressed and somewhat malnourished state could make her even more worn out. When the dizziness finally subsided and the locker room was completely empty, she opened up her locker and was slightly perplexed when she found a little stuffed drumming monkey resting on her clothes. There was a card leaning up against him. Once Jessie realized what she was looking at, her lips vaguely began to form a smile. She was startled when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"I hope you don't mind, but Fred really wanted to get you something for Valentine's Day."

Jessie turned around and saw Katie leaning against the lockers on the opposite wall.

"Oh…no. I don't mind," said Jessie. She had to use all her strength not to run and throw her arms around Katie.

"Well, I told him that it wasn't a very good idea. I told him that you needed your space, so he said he would just get you a card." Katie stepped in a little closer towards Jessie. "Because he really wants to respect your space."

Jessie instantly started fighting back tears. Katie was making this incredibly hard for her.

"Fred really misses you," said Katie as she moved a little closer.

Jessie hesitated for a moment. "I really miss him, too."

"He can't stop thinking about you. No matter how hard he tries," informed Katie.

"I know. I can't get him out of my mind, either," whispered Jessie.

Katie continued to close the gap between them. There were now only a few inches of space between them, though neither of them were touching.

"Fred's not sleeping very well at night," said Katie.

Jessie closed her eyes as she felt Katie's ragged breath against her face. She began shaking, wanting so badly to reach out and touch Katie. It's all she wanted to do for the last two weeks. Here she was, caught in the struggle between what was deemed wrong by her mother, and what felt so right in her heart.

"I'm not sleeping too well, either," said Jessie, as she opened her eyes.

Katie reached her hand out and languidly ran her finger up and down Jessie's arm. That all-to-familiar feeling of intense contact was the first either of them had felt in two weeks. Katie gradually leaned until she was an inch away from Jessie's face.

"He really wants to kiss you," whispered Katie.

"Katie…"

Katie didn't give Jessie any time to respond. She couldn't control herself anymore. Two weeks of utter anguish and yearning had been bottled up inside her and it was time to ease all the pain she had been feeling. The moment her lips came into contact with Jessie's, every emotion she had inside of her had suddenly been brought to the surface and she began to cry. For the first time in almost two weeks, she had finally found a moment of peace and complete contentment. She tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears as her lips began quivering against Jessie's. Unable to quench her thirst, Katie pushed their lips harder together as she backed Jessie up against the locker.

Jessie didn't fight it. She knew she should have ended the kiss before it started. She knew it was wrong to allow Katie to continue kissing her when she still hadn't decided on what to do. But at that moment, she didn't care. At the moment, it was all she wanted. She wanted to feel something again. Anything. Resisting Katie's kiss proved futile as she wrapped her arms around Katie and pulled her closer. Her arms vigorously squeezed Katie's back as though she were trying to become one with her. She began to feel everything Katie felt. Tears started uncontrollably streaming down her face as their tongues relentlessly devoured each other. No kiss was ever wanted more from two people.

As Katie was being fervently pulled into Jessie, she brought her hands up to Jessie's shoulders and grasped her shirt as tight as she could. She did her best not to hurt Jessie in the process, but if such a travesty did occur, she couldn't help it. The passion raged through her entire body, shooting out through her fingertips. So she held on to Jessie for dear life, just to make sure she was real and this wasn't a dream. They continued their impassioned kiss, bringing relief to their aching lips. Katie studied the feel and the smoothness of Jessie's mouth. She knew right then and there that she could write an epic poem about Jessie's lips and she wanted to be able to get as descriptive as possible. Their emotions were running high as their tears mixed together leaving a salty taste in their mouths. Katie slowly pulled back and looked at Jessie. She used her thumbs to wipe away some of Jessie's tears. Then she brought her hands up and ran them through Jessie's hair.

"You're all sweaty," whispered Katie.

"Basketball…," responded Jessie as she quickly leaned in and kissed Katie once more. She didn't feel like talking at the moment. She didn't feel like doing anything but kiss Katie. And she wanted to do it quickly because she knew she had to be home soon. Her mother would start asking questions about where she's been and why she wasn't home on time. Suddenly, images of her mother flashed in Jessie's mind. She flinched as she vividly saw her mother repeating those words:

'I don't want you seeing Katie again.'

Jessie stopped suddenly, her mouth slightly open. She looked as though she had seen a ghost.

"Jess? What's wrong?" asked Katie.

Jessie shook her head. "Nothing."

She looked up at Katie and kissed her once more, this time wildly attacking the older girl's lips. Jessie refused to let her mother dictate her emotions anymore. That's what she had decided, until another flash of her mother flooded her mind. She jolted away from Katie as she heard her mother's words once more:

'I can't even look at you.'

Jessie was now out of breath and panting. She looked at Katie and shook her head. "I have to go."

"What?" Katie's voice cracked.

Jessie started getting everything out of her locker. "I have to go. I'm sorry. I just…I have to go."

She gathered all her stuff, including Fred and the card that Katie gave her and began to walk out of the locker room.

"Jess, wait!" yelled Katie.

Jessie stopped, but didn't turn around. "If I don't leave now, my mom will know I was with you. I…she hates me." It pained Jessie to say those three words.

"She doesn't hate you, Jessie."

"You weren't there. You didn't see the way she looked at me. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be here," said Jessie, as she walked out the door.

Katie was left alone, once again, trying to get a grasp on everything that just happened.

To Be Continued….


	16. Chapter 16

The following week, Jessie sat deep in thought as her teeth nervously gnawed away at her thumbnail. She adjusted her position in the all-too-familiar chair and moved on to her index fingernail. She felt horrible, as though someone had kicked her around for a few hours and then left her to in a gutter to fend for herself. Granted, that didn't actually happen, but with the way her stomach felt and the amount of pain she was in, it definitely felt that way. She realized her fingernails were rapidly wearing down, so she forced herself to stop biting them. As a result, her leg started involuntarily shaking. She had to expend her nervousness somehow, and her leg was taking the brunt of it.

"So…is there a reason your mother called this emergency session?" asked Dr. Rosenfeld after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

"You know why. I'm sure she told you."

"She told me her side of the story. She told how she found out about you and Katie."

"So why are you asking me?"

Dr. Rosenfeld shrugged. "I don't know. Small talk?"

"Did you tell her you knew?" asked Jessie.

"Now that would be rather uncouth of me, wouldn't it?"

Jessie looked at the ground. "She's upset with me."

"Yeah, she is."

"She hates me."

"Yeah, she does," replied Dr. Rosenfeld.

Jessie looked up, horrified. "What? Did she tell you that?"

"No. But you seem to have convinced yourself of it, so I didn't want to disagree with you. You know it's impossible for her to hate you, right?"

"Why? Because she's my mother?"

"No. Because you're you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Jessie.

"Nothing. I mean, I can see why you think she hates you. You're probably the most messed up kid I've ever counseled."

Jessie was intrigued by Dr. Rosenfeld's words. She sat up straight waiting to see how he planned on using reverse psychology yet again to get his point across. "Really. How's that?"

"Well, you're incredibly intelligent, you get good grades, you're polite, loyal, trusting, and you do anything at all your parents ask you to do. You have just been a nightmare from the beginning," said Dr. Rosenfeld, his usually sarcastic smirk plastered across his face.

Jessie smiled. "I see. So I'm just a lost cause."

"Well, there's hope for you."

"So are you gonna help me with my dilemma?" asked Jessie.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Tell me what to do. I mean, do I listen to my mom or do I stay with Katie?"

"Well that's a stupid question."

"Why is it stupid?" asked Jessie.

"You're asking ME what you should do? I don't freaking know."

He could tell Jessie was getting frustrated. He uncrossed his legs, rested his elbows on his lap and leaned in. "When was the last time you and Katie talked?"

"A week ago."

Dr. Rosenfeld nodded. "Well Jessie, I can't really advise you on what to do. My job is to help you to become someone who's confident enough to make this kind of decision on your own."

Jessie's leg had finally stopped shaking. Her foot, on the other hand, was making circles at the ankle. It seemed her nervousness has now traveled every part of her body.

"But I will tell you this," continued Dr. Rosenfeld. "Your parents are there to help guide you and to help steer you away from trouble. But sooner or later, they're not gonna be there. Sooner or later, you're going to have to start trusting yourself and your intuition and your emotions. Otherwise you're going to spend your whole life trying to please everyone but yourself. And that's no way to live."

Jessie nodded in understand. "I just…I'm miserable. I miss Katie so much. I just want to be with her."

"So why can't you?"

Jessie sat there, unsure of how to answer that question.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "Why can't I be with her? Isn't it obvious? I mean…" She thinks for a moment. "Well first of all…" She thinks again. "I…she…" She stops for a moment, looking puzzled. She looks up at the camera, smiling. "You know, I can't think of one damn reason why I can't be with her."_

Jessie looked at Dr. Rosenfeld. "Oh God. I've really been stupid, haven't I?"

Dr. Rosenfeld shrugged, but they both knew the answer was a definite yes.

* * *

"I'm not listening to this. Okay? I've gotten it from Eli. I'm starting to get it from Rick. I don't need it from you, too," said Karen as she angrily threw the covers off of her and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Karen, will you calm down?" asked Henry, as he scooted his way over to her.

"Stop trying to tell me how to raise my children," insisted Karen, with her back still against him.

"I'm not trying to tell you how to raise your kids. I'm just trying to help you gain a little perspective on the situation."

"Look, I'm dealing with this the best way I know how."

Henry sat up behind Karen and wrapped his arms around her back. He began kissing her neck. "Well, you know I love you. And please don't kick me out for saying this because it's two o'clock in the morning and I really don't feel like going home right now. But I think your best way of dealing with this kind of sucks."

Karen had to laugh at Henry's honesty. "Wow. You've never been one to sugar-coat anything, have you?"

"It's in my nature, I guess. I just tell it like it is," said Henry, as he rested his chin on Karen's shoulder. "Now come back to bed."

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "I was timid as hell growing up. I used to be scared to death to raise my hand in class. What if had gotten an answer wrong? How could I live with myself? All I ever wanted to do was blend in. I guess I just didn't want to be judged."_

"I'm not tired," said Karen.

"Really…because that's not what you told me twenty minutes ago when I asked if you wanted to—"

"Well, I WAS tired. But I'm not now."

"Karen, it's gonna be okay. But I really do think you need to allow Katie to be a part of her life. I think it's in everyone's best interest. More importantly, it'll make Jessie happy. When was the last time you even spoke to Jessie?"

"I talked to her today. You know that."

"Yeah, but I mean REALLY talked to her. Not just the formalities of 'how was your day' and 'dinner's ready.'"

Karen sat there mulling over Henry's question.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "I used to make my bed every morning. Clean my room every night. It was expected of me. That's the way my parents wanted it. So that's what I did. Every day. I always did everything they asked me to. Well…almost everything. When I started dating this guy named Bobby Reitman, my parents went ballistic." She looks at the camera. "He drove a motorcycle and he was too old for me. But I was so in love with him. Granted, that love only lasted a month until he found someone who was a little more wild than me. But I would have done anything for him. And I think it really bothered my parents because it was the first time they realized that I was growing up and finding different people to answer to. I can understand why that's a scary thing."_

"I just don't want her going down the wrong path," said Karen.

"What wrong path? There is no way that Katie could ever lead your daughter down the wrong path. She's obviously crazy about her. And she respects her enough and respects YOU enough to do what she was asked and stay away from Jessie."

"There are just so many people in this world who don't understand. They won't see her for who she is. They'll only see her as a girl who's with another girl."

"Karen, there are always gonna be people like that. You know that. I mean, look at us. A white woman dating a black man. I know you've seen people raise eyebrows when we walk down the street together. But does that bother you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Karen sighed. She knew what he was getting at. "Because I love you. And as long as I love you, it shouldn't matter what other people think."

Henry started kissing down Karen's back. "Well now that might just be the smartest thing you've said in a long time."

Karen closed her eyes and could faintly hear music coming from Jessie's room.

"Ssshhhhhh. Listen. Do you hear that?" asked Karen.

Henry stopped what he was doing and listened. "Yeah. Sounds like Billie Holiday."

"It IS Billie Holiday," stated Karen.

**_Black and White_**

_Karen: "Carole King. That's who I would listen to when I was younger whenever I was upset. I would just put on 'Tapestry' and let her words take me away. Or Joni Mitchell. Her version of 'Both Sides Now' would somehow make everything better. Jessie…well, she's always been an old soul. I guess Billie makes her feel better."_

Karen turned around and faced Henry. "How do I know she'll be okay?"

Henry shrugged. "You won't know. You'll never know if she's okay. When she goes to college, you'll be sitting her wondering if she's okay. You'll be worrying about her until the day you die because that's one of your many jobs as a parent."

Karen lay down next to Henry and put her head on his chest. "She's my daughter."

"Fire is hot. Trees are tall. Are we playing the 'stating the obvious' game?" asked Henry.

Karen prodded him in the rib. "I'm serious. She's my blood. I just wish I knew how this happened."

"She's the exact same person she's always been, Karen. Only now, she's managed to find something that makes her happy."

_**Black and White**_

_Karen: "I guess somehow our kids tend to pick up on traits that we pass down to them. You know, we've always said that Jessie takes after Rick, and Eli takes after me. But now…I don't know. I'm beginning to see so much of myself in her. And if that's true, then maybe she really will be okay. It's just so hard to know. I want to be there for her. I want to be accepting. It's just going to take time. A lot of time…"_

* * *

"Okay, I'll see you at lunch!" yelled Katie as Tad ran off to his locker. It had definitely taken some getting used to, but Katie was finally starting accept the fact that Jessie didn't have lunch with her anymore. In fact, Jessie had pretty much nothing at all to do with her anymore. Ever since Valentine's Day, Katie felt like a complete fool for thinking she could sway Jessie into getting back together. She was well aware of the tight leash Karen had on Jessie. And if Jessie even dared go out of the realm of Karen's comfort zone, she'd pull that leash as hard as she could until Jessie felt like she couldn't breathe. That was the only way Karen knew how to control the situation. Katie knew she was no match for that. Still, she thought about Jessie every day. And missed her every minute. She was still holding on to hope, but slowly seeing it fade with each passing day.

"Hey! Give that back! I need to turn that in!"

Katie was snapped out of her stupor by the sound of two freshmen boys running by, causing a gust of wind to tousle Katie's hair. One was boy chasing the other, who undoubtedly stole the other one's homework. She couldn't help but laugh as their immaturity and reflected on a time when she had done the exact same thing to Tad freshman year. She finished getting the rest of the books out of her locker and prepared herself for another day at Upton Sinclair without Jessie. But today, the preparation was unnecessary because when Katie turned around, she was greeted by a pair of pale blue eyes staring right back at her.

"Oh…hi," said Katie, immediately feeling herself turn red.

"Hi."

Katie stood there in stunned silence.

"I'm sorry," said Jessie, barely in a whisper.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…I'm so sorry."

Katie continued staring at Jessie, not exactly knowing what to say. She looked around. The halls were completely filled with students heading to their next classes. She looked back at Jessie, wanting to forget about Jessie's need for space and just kiss her right there. But she knew that wouldn't be right. She knew she could never do such a thing to Jessie. So she just stood there in anticipation, wondering why Jessie was standing there talking to her. Wondering why the younger girl smelled so good. Wondering how she could possibly look so radiant this early in the morning. Wondering if it would be okay to just touch her hand for one brief moment.

Jessie continued. "I've been letting my mother dictate everything I've done in the last few weeks. And that was stupid. And I'm done being stupid now. And I'm so sorry. I know that you have no reason to forgive me and I probably screwed everything up. But I'm willing to do anything to make this right."

Katie let her backpack fall to her side. "So does this mean…"

Jessie didn't let her finish that sentence. Without hesitation, she leaned in and captured Katie's lips with a soft, engaging kiss. It lasted just a couple of seconds, but it was long enough to garner some attention from the surrounding students. As Jessie pulled away, she noticed Katie's eyes were still closed. Katie was so caught up in the moment, it took her a while to realize the kiss was over. She opened her eyes, smiled at Jessie and continued her question.

"…we're back together?"

Jessie smiled. "If you don't mind being with a complete idiot."

Katie leaned her head back against the locker and felt a wave a relief wash over her. Her shoulders lowered significantly as if a hundred-pound load had been taken off of her. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Yes I do. Trust me. I know," said Jessie.

"And you're not an idiot. You freaked out. It's okay. You're like the queen of freak-outs." She smiled at the younger girl. "Trust me. I know."

Jessie leaned in and kissed Katie once more. "Can I walk you to class?"

"Okay, but I don't want Fred to get jealous."

Jessie laughed. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him."

Katie finally looked around and realized that they had somehow gained an audience. Immediately, she began to blush. "Uh, Jess?" whispered Katie.

"Yeah?"

"Don't freak out, but people are staring."

Jessie turned around and saw the stunned faces of several nosey high school students.

Black and White

_Jessie: "So strange. I spent the majority of my time in high school just trying to blend in. So much for that idea, I guess."_

Jessie turned back around and faced Katie. "Good. Now, as I was saying…can I walk you to class?"

The girls started to make their way down the hall as several students continued to watch their every move. Jessie felt a hundred eyes staring straight at her, but she kept her focus straight ahead as Katie walked beside her. Side by side, the girls continued their path to Katie's classroom. Both girls feeling a burst of nervous energy as their hearts pounded simultaneously. Katie could feel her legs start to buckle as the other students continued their little staring game. Suddenly, Jessie reached her hand out and grabbed Katie's hand, interlocking their fingers and solidifying everyone else's suspicions. Jessie smiled as Katie squeezed her hand. This was a lot easier than she thought it would be. She just didn't care anymore what people thought. The only person she ever cared about was standing next to her. And that's all the validation she ever needed.

Eventually, the other students' minute-long attention spans began to kick in and the majority were slowly losing interest in what they had just seen and they all began to head to their respective classes. The girls were almost to Katie's next class when the 'moment-killer' herself, Rebecca Grayson, blocked Katie's entrance into the classroom. She looked from Jessie to Katie and smiled devilishly.

"Well isn't this just adorable?" She looked over at Jessie. "You know, it's a shame you two worked things out. I was really beginning to enjoy Singer's depressive state. I just adored that sad little lost look in her eyes as she wandered the halls."

Katie couldn't believe what she was hearing. She didn't want to let this girl get to her, but it was impossible not to be affected by her words. "Rebecca, why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you, Singer. I just don't really like you. It's people like you that are just a waste of space in this world," said Rebecca.

Jessie had to restrain herself from introducing her fist to Rebecca's face. Instead, she just smiled sweetly, looked at Katie and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. Through her peripheral vision, she could see Rebecca rolling her eyes.

"So I'll see you at lunch, okay?" asked Jessie.

Katie nodded.

"I love you."

At that, Rebecca walked way, mumbling something under her breath. Neither girl even took notice of her departure.

Katie smiled back at Jessie. "I love you, too."

**_Black and White_**

_Katie sits there with tears in her eyes. She is bewildered, but extremely relieved and happy. "There are no words." She shakes her head. " No words. I just…I'm so in love with her."_

To Be Continued…


	17. Chapter 17

A couple weeks later, Rick was sitting on the couch in the living room watching baseball. Jessie came downstairs and saw her father in a pensive state, looking rather forlorn. She knew it could only mean one thing.

"Let me guess…White Sox are losing?" asked Jessie.

Rick looked at his daughter. "Badly. It's almost embarrassing."

"Well, there's still an inning left. They could get lucky."

Rick patted the couch, inviting her to sit next to him. "Nice try, but I think it's a loss."

Jessie sat down next to her father and watched the game with him. They stayed there, eyes focused on the television, tolerating the silence between them.

_**Black and White**_

_Rick: "My relationship with my father was rather strained. We rarely got along in my teen years. In hindsight, I can see now it was mainly from several misunderstandings and a lack of communication. He couldn't talk to me. And I refused to talk to him when he was drinking…which was often. It got to the point where we wouldn't even say hello to each other when he came home."_

"How's Katie?" asked Rick casually.

Jessie's head perked up. It was the first time Rick had alluded to Katie since he first found out about anything. "She's good. She's…doing really well."

Rick nodded. He felt his daughter's eyes on him, but didn't look at her. "Well, we miss having her here. Maybe you can bring her around sometime…" he said as he took a drink of his soda and kept his focus on the game.

Jessie smiled, her eyes glued to her father. "Okay. I will." Jessie was floored. She and Katie were back together, but she failed to mention that to her parents due to Karen's feelings about the subject. So they only saw each other at school and occasionally when Jessie told her parents she was going out for a walk, Katie would meet up with her. But Jessie figured her dad must have assumed they were back together since she was actually happy again. She was grateful that she didn't have to keep it from him anymore.

She scooted closer to her father as he put his arm around her. "Damn. We lost," remarked Jessie as she watched the White Sox get their final strike out.

Rick smiled and kissed the top of Jessie's head. "Next time. The season just started." He grabbed the remote and changed the channel. "Now…lets see how the Bulls are faring in the playoffs."

_**Black and White**_

_Rick: "My father would use every opportunity to put me down, tell me what was wrong with me. Once I turned eighteen, I was out. Gone. And I refused to speak to him. I mean, how could you treat your own child like that? How could you say such hurtful things to your own son? Anyway, when I worked through the anger and was finally ready to forgive him and have him back in my life…" He pauses and uncomfortably runs his fingers through his hair. "…It was too late. He was gone." He looks at the camera. "I would never wish that kind of regret on my children."_

* * *

"I don't know, he just blurted it out," said Jessie. "Like out of nowhere."

"Wow," replied Katie. "So…I guess this means he's okay with it?" Katie closed her locker and hoisted her backpack onto her shoulder.

"I think he always has been. It's just my mom was telling him what to think." She prodded Katie in the ribs. "Can you believe that? I mean, what kind of person lets someone else determine how you feel about someone?"

Katie stared at her blankly. "You really are your father's daughter, aren't you?"

Jessie grabbed onto Katie's front belt loops with her thumbs and pulled her in closer. "Shut up and go to class before you're late again," said Jessie.

"Make me," taunted Katie as she leaned in to kiss Jessie.

* * *

It was Saturday night and Eli was in the living room having a hell of a time changing Emily's diaper. Every time he thought he got it on, it somehow slid back off is little sister. Emily looked up at him and giggled as little spit bubbles trickled out of her mouth.

"Oh, you think this is funny, do you?" asked Eli as he failed once more to secure the diaper. He sighed. "And THIS is why I definitely see the importance of practicing safe sex."

A knock on the front door interrupted Eli's train of thought. "Come in!" he yelled as he tossed the third diaper he destroyed.

Katie hesitantly walked in and saw Eli struggling with the diaper. "Problems?"

Eli looked up at Katie. "I'm not cut out for this."

"Need help?" asked Katie.

"Do you know how to do this?"

Katie laughed. "Not really, but I think between the two of us, we can figure it out." She walked over to where Eli and Emily were and knelt down on the floor. "Hand me a new diaper."

Eli handed her a fresh one. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem. I came to see Jessie, but I guess diaper duty is almost as fun," joked Katie.

Eli laughed. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Really. So…still no middle name for Emily, yet? It's been almost three months."

"Not yet," replied Eli. "They still haven't decided one." Eli watched Emily as her tiny fingers wrapped around his thumb. He absentmindedly smirked as he was intrigued by the innocence in her eyes. "You know, I'm…I'm really glad you're back with my sister."

Katie finished securing the first tab on the diaper. "You are?"

"Yeah," said Eli, still unable to look at Katie. "She…she really likes you. I can tell."

Katie blushed. "Well, I really like her, too."

"I'm sorry about my mom. She just worries a lot."

"I know."

"She'll come around though," assured Eli. "And even if she doesn't, I wouldn't let it affect your relationship with Jessie. Things happen. Sometimes you just can't control it." Eli continued watching his baby sister, captivated.

"Thanks, Eli. You know, Jessie said you really helped her out over the last few months."

Eli smiled. "I really didn't do much. I just answered some questions she had," he replied, modestly.

"Well, whatever you told her seemed to really help her. Maybe you should be teen counselor or something. I think you'd be really good at it," said Katie, as she taped up the last tab on the diaper.

"Really?"

Katie shrugged. "I don't know. It might be something to think about. You seem to have a way with words."

**_Black and White_**

_Eli: "Me as a teen counselor. Doubtful."_

"And…done!" exclaimed Katie as she held up Emily, proudly showing off her work.

"Nice!" said Eli. "And it only took five diapers to do it."

"All right, well I'm gonna head go up to see Jessie. You gonna be okay?" asked Katie.

"I will until she needs to be changed again," said Eli as he watched Katie head up the stairs. "Hey Katie…"

Katie stopped halfway up the stairs and looked at Eli. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Katie smiled. "Anytime." Then she made her way up the rest of the stairs.

Jessie heard Katie's footsteps climbing up the stairs to the attic as she finished putting her other shoe on. She watched as Katie reached the last step and looked around the room.

"Wow. It feels like I haven't been in here in forever."

"Welcome back," said Jessie as she walked over to greet her girlfriend.

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here?"

"Yes. I promise. My dad said it was fine. Besides, we're not staying here much longer," informed Jessie.

"We're not?"

Jessie shook her head. "You're driving."

"Where?"

"Well…it's not that hot tonight, but I do feel like taking a walk…to cool off."

"Okay…so if you want to walk, why am I driving?" asked a confused Katie.

Jessie rolled her eyes and started heading downstairs. "Nevermind. Let's just go."

* * *

After following directions from Jessie, Katie pulled up to the desired destination and smiled when she realized where Jessie had led them.

"Grayson Mansion," said Katie.

"I think it's time for a little more revenge on Rebecca."

"But…aren't they home?"

"I overheard her telling some people that her family was going to some fancy gala in the city tonight."

"And what about our best friend, the security guard?" asked Katie.

"We'll just put our feet in this time. It'll give us more time to run."

Katie was trying to comprehend everything. She remembered how panicked Jessie was the last time they were here and Katie promised her that they'd never do it again. "Jess, it sounds like fun and everything, but…why? I mean, why did you feel like coming here?"

"I just wanted to do something special tonight."

Katie smiled as she looked at Jessie. She was hoping Jessie would allude to the fact that today was a special day. She would have mentioned it herself, but she was too afraid that Jessie forgot or didn't care. "You remembered."

"Of course I remembered. It actually hit me yesterday when I was in math class. So…you remembered, too?"

Katie nodded. "How could I forget? A first kiss like that deserved to be remembered and celebrated."

Jessie took off her seatbelt and nuzzled up against Katie's arm. "Can you believe it's been a year?"

"No. It seems to have flown by. But I think about that kiss every day. And I'm so thankful it happened because it led to this." Katie took Jessie's hand and kissed it gently. "It led to all of this."

"Come on. I feel like scaling a wall," said Jessie. They got out of the car and walked around to the back of the house and found the stone wall they had climbed almost six months ago. They ascended the wall once and again and carefully looked around once they were on the other side. Once they saw that no one was around and the place appeared practically deserted, they approached the edge of the pool and took off their shoes. Jessie rolled up her jeans as high as she could. Katie was the lucky one wearing shorts this time.

"Wow…the water's kind of cold. It feels surprisingly refreshing," Katie observed as she sat on the edge and put her feet in. Jessie soon joined her and they sat there with their legs dangling in the water, enjoying the various sounds the night had to offer them; the most prominent being the chirping crickets in the distance. They sat there, kicking the water with their legs, both heartbeats growing faster at the fear of getting caught again at the scene of their first innocuous 'crime'.

Jessie took Katie's hand in hers and inched her way closer, closing the gap between their bodies as they sat side by side. "Did you think this would be us? Did you think we'd be here a year later?"

Katie fixed her eyes on Jessie, leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "Yes."

"Really?"

"There was never a doubt in my mind," assured Katie.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "There really wasn't. I once told Jessie 'I've loved you since the beginning of time.' She said 'But you just met me last year.' And I told her 'That's when time began.' I know. Incredibly corny. But it's true. Everything just made sense when I met her. And I've learned to not question a feeling that strong."_

Katie was laughing uncontrollably at Jessie's story. She thought she might have a minor coronary because she couldn't seem to stop her laughter. "Wait…so Eli actually walked in on them?!"

Jessie nodded, embarrassed. "When he was ten."

"And they were…"

Jessie nodded again. "Pretending to be a pirate and a wench, yes."

Katie's laughter began to echo through the entire back yard. She managed to bring it down to a light chuckle, but it took a few minutes. "Oh wow. That's something no child should ever witness their parents doing."

"Eli was never quite the same after that. To this day, he still refuses to watch 'Pirates of the Carribean.'"

Katie was finally starting to catch her breath from her laughing fit. "Wow. That's one for the history books. Well, at least your parents had a decent sex life before they got divorced."

Jessie elbowed Katie. "Eww…please don't say 'parents' and 'sex life' in the same sentence ever again."

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie is smiling as she looks off to the side. "I just always want to be around her. Always. She makes me laugh like no one else." She looks at the camera, still smiling. "I've never had anyone fill me with this kind of constant, unbridled joy. It's pretty cool. There's no one on this planet like her. No one."_

Jessie was now laughing hysterically as Katie was regaling her with yet another embarrassing Tad story. Jessie had tears in her eyes from the rampant laughter.

"What made him think white jeans were okay?" asked Jessie, as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"There white STRETCH jeans. And it wasn't pretty. I saw more of him than I ever wanted to see," said Katie.

"Poor Tad. Well, I guess we're all guilty of having a not-so-keen fashion sense growing up. I mean, there was one pair of black and white camo pants that I wore almost every day for a year."

Katie looked at Jessie. "Really? I'll have to make a note of that and tease you about it relentlessly in the future."

Once the laughter died down, the girls sat quietly, taking in the view in front of them. Memories of the night they went swimming here deluged Jessie's mind. She sighed, fondly remembering that night. These memories led to other memories of other moments in their relationship. And Jessie was immediately inundated with all kinds of nostalgia from the past year. She leaned in and rested her head on Katie's shoulder.

"Katie?"

"Hmmm?"

"What did you think of me when you first saw me?"

Katie shrugged slightly, being careful enough not to buck Jessie's head from her shoulder. "I don't know."

"Really?"

"I don't really remember. "It was like a year and a half ago," said Katie.

**_Black and White_**

_Katie: "I heard her before I saw her. I was looking through my backpack for a pen when I heard this voice resonating through the entire theater. Resonating through my entire being. And when I looked up, I saw her." She laughs as she remembers. "I think my jaw may have literally hit the floor. I remember everything I felt at that moment. I remember what I was wearing, what she was wearing. I remember the wonderment, the excitement, the anticipation I felt. And the fear of what those feelings meant. I just knew. I thought to myself 'I have to know this girl.' It was like…this goal that I had. So I did. And it was the best decision I ever made." She smiles to herself and shrugs. "But I could never tell her that. She probably doesn't remember anything about her first time meeting me."_

"What about you?" asked Katie. "What did you think the first time you saw me?"

Jessie took a deep breath. "You're right. It was a long time ago. It all kind of seems like a blur now."

**_Black and White_**

_Jessie: "I was just this unsuspecting girl suddenly surrounded by this burst of magnetic energy when she jumped on Tad's back. To this day, I don't know what 'stegosaurus boy' means, but I'm sure it's just another one of their inside jokes. Right away, I was intrigued. And then…she spoke. 'Hey.' And after that, I didn't know what hit me. I forgot that Tad was even there. I think he kept trying to talk to me, but all I could see or hear was Katie. I had never felt such a jolt of pure exhilaration inside me. And then she told me my singing was incredible. After that, I found any excuse I could to just talk to her. It took me a while to realize it, but…I was in love. That initial moment of meeting her when I was so confused and captivated and…attracted. That's what love feels like." She puts her head in her hands, embarrassed. "But how could I tell her that? She doesn't even remember…"_

Jessie lifted her head off of Katie's shoulder and regarded her girlfriend's definitive profile. "I'd really like to kiss you right now," whispered Jessie.

Katie looked down at their conjoined hands and dangling feet. She looked up and faced Jessie, willingly giving her what she requested. Her lips rested upon Jessie's mouth as the younger girl affectionately tasted the soft flesh that was offered to her. She slowly pulled away, allowing her teeth to gently catch Katie's bottom lip as they detached. Katie smiled at the breathtaking being sitting next to her. Their eyes remained fixated on each other. The love, the fervor, the passion between them hung thick in the air between their fiery gaze.

Jessie began to feel her eyelids grow heavy. She rested her head on Katie's shoulder once more, as Katie quietly made a few splashes in the water with her feet.

"You getting tired?" asked Katie.

Jessie nodded.

"Come on. Let's get you home," said Katie as she pulled her feet out of the water and helped Jessie up. "It'll be nice to actually leave this place without running and panicking," she quipped.

"Hey," said Jessie as she turned Katie around. She moistened her lips and placed a sweet, tender kiss on Katie's lips. "You're so beautiful. And…you just amaze me with everything you do."

"I don't do much," whispered Katie, modestly.

"Yes you do. You just don't realize it," said Jessie as she pulled Katie in for a gentle embrace.

Katie gripped Jessie tighter as she felt the embrace begin to turn into a more sensual, carnal desire between the two of them. She lightly grazed her nose just behind Jessie's ear, inhaling the pleasurable scent emanating the younger girl. Her tongue slowly trailed down Jessie's neck, just underneath her jaw line, making it's way up to Jessie's swollen lips once more. This time, it was Katie initiating the kiss, gracefully maneuvering her lips against Jessie's, making it impossible for Jessie to resist her advances. Katie wanted more. She craved more. But she knew this wasn't the time or the place. She pried herself way from Jessie and smiled at her.

"Enough stalling. I have to get you back home," she said as she led Jessie away towards the back wall.


	18. Chapter 18

A couple weeks later, Karen walked through her door to find Eli concentrating on some paper work in front of him. She put her briefcase down and stood over his shoulder, trying not to hover too much.

"Hey Eli."

Eli stopped what he was doing and looked back at his mom. "Oh hey. I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm a stealthy one. What are you working on?"

Eli turned his focus back on the paper work. "Oh, I'm just registering for some classes at the community college."

Karen took a step back. Eli's words were no doubt a pleasant surprise.

_**Black and White**_

_Karen looks at the camera in complete shock. The shock soon fades to a look of pride._

"Oh." She tried not to sound too excited about Eli's new sudden interest in going to college. "What classes were you thinking about taking?"

Eli shrugged as he continued filling out forms. "I don't know. I was thinking maybe some child development classes. Or child psychology or something."

Karen nodded as she sat down next to Eli at the table. "Really…"

"Yeah. I was thinking maybe I could study to become a counselor or something. Like at a high school. Help out kids who are…well…like me."

Karen tried to hide the broad smile that was forming on her face, but she couldn't.

_**Black and White**_

_Karen: "You know, just when you think you have someone figured out, they go and surprise you. I guess maybe all he needed was time."_

"Well, I think that's a great idea. And you're definitely heading in the right direction by registering for these classes. Just let me know if you need help with anything."

"I got it, mom. But thanks."

Karen watched her son as he began taking the first steps in mapping out his future. "So…what brought all this on? What made you decide to work with teenagers?"

"I haven't decided anything yet. I'm just gonna try these classes and see where it takes me."

"Right. Okay, okay. Well, I'm really glad to see you're doing this." Karen got up and started heading to her room.

Eli watched his mom start to leave and took a deep breath. "It was Katie."

Karen stopped and turned around. "What?"

"It was Katie. It was sort of her idea. She's the one that suggested maybe I should try it. You know…the teen counselor thing. She said she thought I'd be really good at it."

Karen stood there, unsure of how to react to Eli's words. She folded her arms rather uncomfortably and leaned against the wall. "Really. She said that?"

Eli nodded.

"When did you talk to Katie?"

"Couple weeks ago."

Karen nodded, contemplating everything that was going on.

_**Black and White**_

_Karen shakes her head: "They say ignorance is bliss. If that's true then why do I feel like the biggest jerk alive? My whole life, I would pride myself on having the ability to distinguish right from wrong. After forty years of experience, you'd think I'd have it down to an art form. But this…I was so wrong. I've been wrong this whole time. Everyone saw it. Everyone knew it, except me. I've been completely ignorant. Katie's a good kid. She's a good, sweet, remarkable kid and I just…I chastised her for caring about my daughter. She's done nothing wrong. She's just a girl who happened to fall for my daughter, which really isn't all that shocking seeing as how amazing Jessie is. And Jessie's face. I would always see it just light up whenever Katie was in her presence." She pauses for a moment and looks at the camera. "But how do you let go of all the plans you had for your child? How do you let go of what you thought her future would be? Will she still get married? Have kids? Everything I had planned for her seems to slowly be disappearing. And that scares me. But Katie…I don't know. I guess maybe she's not as bad as I made her out to be."_

"Well, I'll have to thank Katie the next time I see her," said Karen, as she headed down the hall to her room.

Eli smiled as he mumbled under his breath. "You do that."

* * *

It was mid April and spring was well underway. Jessie was sitting at her desk in the attic, trying to get some homework done. She was having some difficulty concentrating seeing as how Katie was constantly wadding up pieces of paper and chucking them at Jessie's head every few minutes. After the fifth attack, Jessie turned around to face Katie, who was lying on her stomach on Jessie's bed with a doe-eyed innocent look on her face.

"What?" asked Katie.

"Is that really necessary?"

"I have no idea what you're even referring to," replied Katie as she turned her focus back to her history book.

Jessie smiled to herself and turned her chair back around to finish her homework. Katie peaked up from her text book and slowly reached her hand out for another sheet of paper. She wadded it up as quietly as she could, letting out a few fake coughs to throw off Jessie's aural senses. When she was done, she angled her text book slightly upwards, put the crumpled up piece of paper in the middle of the binding, using it as a launching pad, and aimed for Jessie's head. She flicked it flawlessly and it hit the back of Jessie's head, causing her to drop her pencil and faintly lurch forward. Katie quickly returned to her book as Jessie turned around. Katie put on her most guiltless face and looked up at her girlfriend.

"What? Why do you keep looking at me?" asked Katie.

Jessie bent over and picked up one of Katie's weapons. She playfully threw it at Katie, who easily used her book as a shield. "You're distracting me. Shouldn't you be studying? I mean, you graduate in six weeks. You might want to make sure you actually get a diploma."

"I'm golden. They don't really expect you to make an effort the last semester of your senior year. Remember that for next year," said Katie.

Jessie nodded, then looked down towards the floor, brooding over something that was weighing heavily on her mind. This did not go unnoticed by Katie, who closed her book and tossed it aside.

"Hey. Where did you just go? Can I come too?" asked Katie.

Jessie looked back up at her girlfriend. "Huh? Oh, sorry. I just zoned out."

"Yes, I know. I could tell by that 'zoned-out' look on your face." Katie rolled over on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "Whatcha thinkin' about?" She rather tauntingly sang the question instead of speaking it.

Jessie shrugged. "You're graduating in six weeks."

"Yup. I can't wait."

"Oh," said Jessie, slightly dejected.

"I mean, it's gonna be great. No more getting up at 7am. No more asking permission to leave the classroom. No more Rebecca Grayson…"

"Yeah," said Jessie, as she turned her chair back around to face the desk. "Sounds like a blast."

Katie could hear the miserable tone in Jessie's voice, but couldn't help but smile. "Oh yeah. I'll have the time of my life."

Jessie took a deep breath as she prepared to ask Katie what she had been fearing and dreading to ask for months. "So…what did you decide on? Dartmouth? Columbia? Yale?"

Katie continued eyeing the cracks in the ceiling while resting comfortably on Jessie's bed. "I didn't get into Yale. I told you that."

"Sorry. I forgot, there was ONE school that had the audacity to reject Katie Singer."

"Oh don't worry. They've already received a strongly worded letter," said Katie.

"So…where then? UCLA? Brown?" Jessie's stomach was in knots, waiting in anxious anticipation for Katie's response.

"Nah. I don't think I could do LA. And I don't like the color brown, so why would I go to school there?"

"Well, then why did you apply?"

"Because I could."

Jessie rolled her eyes, impatiently. "Katie, where are you going to college?"

Katie waited a moment before she responded. "Northwestern."

Jessie felt her breath catch in her throat. "Northwestern?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask. Plus, I liked watching you squirm every time the subject could have potentially been brought up," said Katie, as she rolled back over on her stomach and looked at Jessie.

Jessie turned around again to look at the older girl. "But…I mean, is that where you WANT to go? You have so many other choices."

"Too late now. I sent in the acceptance papers weeks ago."

"But…is that what you want?" Jessie was beginning to sound a little distraught.

"I thought you'd be happy. It means I'm staying here."

"I am happy. I'm…relieved. I just…are you going to Northwestern because you want to or because of me?"

"You," answered Katie, without hesitation.

Jessie sighed. "Well that's a problem. Katie, I don't want you to stay just for me. You need to go where you want to go. Explore things. You have so many options. Don't let me be the reason for your decision."

Katie could hear Jessie's tone. She could tell Jessie was forcing herself to say those selfless words. She got up off the bed, came around to Jessie and leaned into her using the arms of the chair for support. "Jess, I hate to break it to you, but you're pretty much my reason for everything I do."

Jessie uncomfortably adjusted herself in the chair. "But…"

"Listen to me," continued Katie. "I have no idea what I want to do with my life. No clue. But the one thing I do know is that I want you in it. And since I don't know what I plan on studying in college, I may as well hang out at Northwestern for a least a year to try and figure it out. It just makes more sense and it's a lot cheaper than moving my whole life to another state just to discover what I could have easily discovered here."

Katie bent down and kissed Jessie's forehead. Jessie closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God," she whispered, as she pulled Katie's hand up to her face.

Katie took this as a signal for more contact, so she lowered herself on to Jessie's lap, straddling her in the chair. She ran her fingers through Jessie's soft blonde hair, pulled her in and wrapped her arms around her. She rested her head on the blonde girl's shoulder and peaked over at Jessie's homework on the desk. She reached her hand out, closed the notebook, and pulled back to look at Jessie. "I think it's time for a study break."

Katie leaned in and before either girl knew it, they were in the middle of a heavy make out session. Jessie grasped Katie's hips and pulled her in even closer, leaving no space between them. The feeling of Katie hips being so close to Jessie sent massive shockwaves through Jessie's core. She looked up at Katie with a deep intensity, breathing heavily, and dreamily taking joy in Katie's eyes staring right back at her, filling her with a sense of wonderment and longing. Jessie reached her hand up behind Katie's neck and pulled her down into another engaging kiss. Their bodies were pressed even closer together than before. Jessie moved her hand down from Katie's neck to join her other hand at the base of the older girl's shirt. Without any reluctance, she pulled the shirt off over Katie's head and let it fall to the floor. Jessie reached her hand up to caress Katie's neck and slowly moved her hand down her chest, between her breasts and down to her abdomen, taking an avid interest in every part of skin she was discovering. Jessie then leaned back in her chair and watched with aroused anticipation as Katie reached behind her own back and removed her bra, tossing it to the ground next to her shirt. Jessie's already voluminous eyes grew wider as they became fixated on what Katie had just revealed to her. She felt her breathing grow heavier as she began to feel a dull aching rise from deep inside of her.

Katie's heart was pounding. She was sure it was loud enough to even find its way to Jessie's ears, but she tried not to show her nervousness. She followed her heart's rhythmic beat as she kissed Jessie, her soft lips moving with the same rhythm. She inhaled and exhaled sharply as Jessie's hands decided to take an immediate liking to Katie's breasts. She gripped onto Jessie's shirt for dear life as if she had nothing else to hold on to. Slowly, she began to raise the shirt just above Jessie's navel. She looked at Jessie, asking her for permission. Instead of answered, Jessie detached her hands from Katie's skin and helped take her own shirt off. The sudden movement caused the chair to roll a few inches. Jessie immediately stopped it by planting her feet on the ground. She leaned forward, making it a little easier for Katie to unhook her bra and dispose of it next to the other unwanted garments. Katie placed her hands behind Jessie's back and pulled their bodies closer together as she began to run her lips along Jessie's neck, resulting in rapturous moans from her girlfriend. Katie moved her lips down past Jessie's shoulder to her collarbone, taking the time to memorize every inch of her skin. She pulled away and looked at Jessie, while lazily playing with the locket around Jessie's neck.

"Do you want to stop?" whispered Katie.

Jessie emphatically shook her head 'no' and to prove she was serious, she put her hands behind Katie's lower back for support, leaned her back and started moving her lips along Katie's abdomen, planting soft kisses along the way. Katie arched her back as Jessie continued feverishly consuming the flesh on her stomach. Katie's body was awakening to something completely new and different that she had never felt before. She felt weak and yet completely euphoric and content at the same time. She felt vulnerable, but she completely trusted Jessie with her body, knowing that her girlfriend would never harm her in any way. Jessie brought Katie in for another kiss and moved her hands down to grasp her thighs that were still straddled around her. Katie was worried about her full weight on Jessie, so she got up and stood in front of the blonde. She had never felt so scared in her whole life, but she had also never been more sure of anything in her life, either. She reached her hand out to Jessie.

"Come here."

Jessie obliged, took Katie's hand and stood up. She felt her thighs tingle where Katie was sitting. She hadn't realized her legs had begun to fall asleep until she stood up. She joined her girlfriend standing next to the bed and was completely captivated by the look of pure affection and devotion coming from Katie's eyes.

"I'm so in love with you," whispered Katie.

Jessie melted into another kiss with Katie just after those words were spoken. Katie gradually moved her hands down to Jessie's pants and started fumbling with the button. She looked at Jessie, tentatively.

"Do…do you want me to…" Katie vaguely motioned to Jessie's jeans.

Jessie stood there feeling as though her whole body was going to explode from the mixture of adrenaline, nerves, and pure excitement. She nodded cautiously.

Katie caught on to Jessie's slight hesitation. "Are you sure?"

Jessie nodded again. "It's just…I've never…I've never done this before."

Katie flashed a reassuring smile. "I know. Neither have I. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Katie got her answer when Jessie eagerly wrapped her arms around Katie's waist and they fell onto the bed. Not another word was spoken as each girl took the time to complete the task of undressing each other. Katie began to unearth parts of Jessie's body that she had only thought about and hadn't seen until now. She could feel her entire body pulsating as little beads of sweat began to form on her brow due to a mix her rising body temperature and the lack of ventilation in the attic. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the genuinely intimate way Jessie was looking at her, as though she could see through Katie's skin into her soul. Katie smiled sweetly as her hands continued exploring Jessie's body, deeply gratifying the younger girl with every touch. Jessie's moaning began to grow louder with each passing moment. Katie was feeling disoriented, yet exhilarated by everything she was feeling at that moment. She felt as though her heart was going to burst with the unimaginable amount of love she had for Jessie.

Jessie could feel Katie shaking. She decided to take control for the time being and rolled Katie over onto her back. Jessie lingered above Katie's body, absorbing the sight of the love of her life lying beneath her. Jessie kept her eyes focused on Katie's eyes as her body moved on top of her in a poetic rhythm. Katie closed her eyes, leaned her head back, and began to whimper, taking pleasure in Jessie's tantalizing touch. The locket Katie gave her dangled from Jessie's neck. Katie could feel the cold metal lightly grazing her skin, leaving a trail of goose bumps along the way. As their love making continued, innocence gave way to desire, as each breath grew deeper and deeper. Jessie and Katie became entangled in the sheets, entangled with each other, as the heated exchange between the two girls continued through the night.

Afterwards, as each girl was still reeling from what had just happened between them, Katie was lying on her stomach, completely enveloped in the soft, white sheets on Jessie's bed. Her eyes were watching Jessie, who was laying on her back on the opposite side of the bed, much more exposed than her girlfriend. Katie could feel the sweat from her body slowly begin to dry, cooling off her skin. Jessie watched the ceiling, feeling entirely at ease with everything that just happened.

"So, you're not leaving me?" asked Jessie, as she looked over at Katie.

Katie didn't realize how far apart they were until she had to strain to see Jessie's clear blue eyes looking at her. There must have been at least three or four feet of space between them in Jessie's queen sized bed.

"How did you end up way over there?" asked Katie.

"I don't know. It's just where I ended up."

"Well, come here."

"You didn't answer my question. You're not leaving me?"

Katie crawled her way over to Jessie through the smooth white sheets and hovered over her naked form.

"I could never leave you, Jessie," declared Katie as her lips passionately consumed Jessie's mouth once again.

A couple hours later, both girls were lying next to each other. By this point, they were both fully clothed again. Katie asked the question she had been putting off for the last hour.

"What time is it?"

"About 3am," said Jessie.

Katie sighed. "I have to go."

"No. Don't go. Not yet," Jessie began to whine.

"I have to, Jess. My mom will be worried if I'm not in my room when she comes to wake me up. It's a school night."

Katie got up out of the bed, feeling the resistance from Jessie grabbing her hand and trying to pull her back in.

Katie laughed. "I have to go, Jess. You know I want to stay, but I don't think your dad would like finding me here in the morning."

Jessie sighed. "I guess you're right. But can't you just stay for like fifteen minutes?"

Katie knelt down on the bed and kissed Jessie once more. "You should get some sleep. Just think. In a few hours, it'll be light out. It'll be time for school and then you can see me again." She kissed Jessie one last time. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Katie reached the stairs and looked back at Jessie. "Let's just hope I don't get caught on the way downstairs. Especially since I'm finally back in your dad's good graces."

Jessie tried to hide her disappointment over Katie leaving, but wasn't very successful. "Yeah, I guess."

Katie walked back towards the bed. "Awwww…don't be sad. You're pretty. Feel better?"

Jessie grabbed the pillow from behind her and playfully threw it at Katie. "Very funny."

Katie caught the pillow and threw it back at Jessie while laughing. "I try. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye," said Jessie, as she shook her head and smiled at Katie's ever-present silliness.

She watched her girlfriend disappear down the stairs and sat there for a moment. She laid her head back and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was out. Sleep had immediately taken over her and stayed with her for thirty minutes. After a half hour of peaceful slumber, Jessie was awakened with a shudder by the sound of a hot spring rain pounding on the roof. She looked around and couldn't shake the uneasy feeling she had in her stomach. Her heartbeat quickened its pace as she laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes. She slowly began to doze off despite the various sounds that filled her ears. The rain falling, a neighbor's dog barking, the sound of sirens in the distance, and the creaking of her old attic floor. In spite of all these distractions, she managed to find sleep once more, with a contented smile on her face.

To be continued….


	19. Chapter 19

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Henry yawned as he poured some coffee into Karen's coffee mug. Karen was at the counter, finishing up making waffles for breakfast. It didn't occure to her that it was only the two of them there, so she made way more than she needed to.

"That smells really good," said Henry as he came up behind Karen and put his arms around her.

"Wow. Good by your standards? That's a definite compliment."

"Well, try not to compare yourself to me. No one can beat my blueberry waffles," said Henry as he sat back down at the kitchen table.

"At least I didn't burn this batch," said Karen.

Henry smiled and shook his head while opening up the newspaper. "So you still want me to cook dinner tonight?"

Karen paused for a moment. "Yeah…just be sure to make enough for five."

Henry stopped reading the paper for a moment. "Five?"

Karen nodded. She took a deep breath and turned around to face Henry. "Yeah. I'm going to ask Jessie to invite Katie over for dinner tonight."

Henry looked up from the paper, leaned back in his chair, and looked Karen up and down. "Really…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it's time."

Henry looked at her, beaming. "So does this mean you're finally coming to your senses."

Karen rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"You know, you're kinda sexy when you get wiser. Come here." Henry reached out and pulled Karen into his lap. She started laughing as he dipped her back. She tried to evade his grip, but she wasn't strong enough and she actually enjoyed being in his arms at that moment. He brought her back up and looked at her. "I'm proud of you."

Karen smiled and leaned in to kiss Henry. Their kiss was short-lived, however, when the phone rang. Karen pulled herself up off of Henry's lap and looked back at him, smiling. "I'm kinda proud of myself." She turned off the waffle maker as she picked up the phone. "Hello?….Yes, this is Karen Sammler……oh, yes. Hi. How are you?"

Henry watched as the smile on Karen's face slowly began to fade away.

"What?" Karen asked the voice on the other end of the phone.

Henry continued to watch as Karen's face turned white. She closed here eyes as the news on the other end of the phone sank in. He knew something wasn't right, so he got up and walked over to her in case she needed him for anything.

"Well…is she okay?" Karen continued intently listening to the phone. "Oh my God. Okay….yes, of course." Karen slowly hung up the phone in a daze and looked at Henry, unsure of what to do or say.

* * *

Jessie was gradually beginning to stir from her slumber when she heard footsteps climbing up the stairs to the attic. She opened her eyes, and once she began to focus, she saw Karen standing on the top step. She rubbed her eyes to make sure who she was seeing was, in fact, her mother.

"Mom?"

"Hey, sweetie."

"What are you doing here?" Jessie groggily sat up in her bed, trying to figure out why her mom was actually willingly speaking to her at the moment.

Karen took a few steps closer to Jessie's bed. Jessie cautiously scooted back as Karen sat on the edge of her bed. Karen noticed this and immediately felt her heart break.

_**Black and White**_

_Karen: "I've managed to completely alienate my daughter. I can't believe I let it get to the point where she's actually afraid of me."_

"Jess…"

"What?" Jessie brought her knees to her chest, still suspicious of her mother's intentions.

"I wanted to talk to you about Katie."

Jessie lowered her head, afraid of what was going to come out of her mother's mouth. "So I take it you heard we're back together…"

Karen was surprised by Jessie's response. "No…actually I didn't know that."

Jessie looked up in fear. She couldn't believe she had just voluntarily incriminated herself. "I…I thought you knew. I thought that's why you wanted to talk to me."

Karen shook her head. "No. Sweetie, it's not."

Immediately, Jessie started panicking. "Mom, I know you told me not to—"

"Jess, it's okay…"

"—see her but…" Jessie looked at her mother, puzzled. "What?"

"It's okay. That you're with Katie again. It's okay." Karen scooted her way closer to Jessie. Jessie retreated, still unsure of her mother's motives.

Karen's shoulders dropped and she lowered her head at Jessie's uneasiness toward her. She looked at her daughter, uncertain of how she was going to go about this. "Jessie, Katie's mom called me. Katie got into a car accident last night."

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie looks around, completely speechless_

Jessie's mouth slightly opened as she looked at her mother. "I…is she okay?"

"I don't know. Her mom didn't know much when she called. But I came here to take you to the hospital. Maybe we can find out more when we get there."

Karen could tell her daughter was in a state of shock. Jessie nodded, expressionless. "Okay. Um…" She looked around, completely lost, not knowing what to do. "I'll just…let me just get dressed and we'll go."

"Sweetie, I'm sure she's fine. There may be nothing to worry about."

Jessie's chin and lower lip started quivering. She swallowed hard and stared blankly ahead of her. "Then why doesn't her mom know how she is?"

Karen had no idea how to answer that. She reached her hand out to touch Jessie's hand, but her daughter pulled her hand away. Karen nodded solemnly. "Okay. I'll wait for you downstairs."

_**Black and White:**_

_Jessie's face is hard to read. She looks to the left of the camera. "She's fine. She'll be okay." She remembers the moment she got the phone call about her mother's accident. Tears begin to well up in her eyes. "She has to be okay."_

* * *

Jessie was thirty seven steps ahead of her mom as she ran as fast as she could through the double doors of the hospital and into the ICU waiting room. Karen did her best to keep up, but she still only had limited ability to run at full speed. Jessie couldn't remember the last time she even took a breath and she was starting to feel a little dizzy, but that didn't stop her from trying to reach Katie. The older girl was all she could think about. The ride to the hospital was the longest twelve minutes of her life. Not one word was exchanged between her and Karen. There was really nothing to be said. All Jessie had the ability to do was pray that Katie was okay.

_**Black and White:**_

_Jessie: "My mom was okay. When she got hit by the car. It was bad, but…she was okay. And I worried myself sick for days…weeks. And she was fine. So there's no reason for Katie not to be fine."_

Jessie continued running, trying to find her way to Katie. She finally reached the ICU area and stopped abruptly when she saw Katie's parents talking to the doctor. She tried to catch her breath when she noticed Katie's mom crying. She looked over and saw Tad sitting on a waiting room chair. She was partly relieved to see him there. Jessie had only met Katie's parents a few times, but since Tad had known Katie since they were kids, it made sense that they called him first. Seeing Tad there gave Jessie a small sense of relief. For one moment, she believed that everything was going to be okay. She looked over that entrance to the Intensive Care Unit. She began to feel restless and helpless knowing that Katie was on the other side of that door. All Jessie had to do was make a run for it. She just had to run in and then she could be at Katie's side and help her through this. She could stay there, holding her hand, telling her everything's going to be fine. And when Katie opened her eyes, the first thing she would see was Jessie's face and then maybe Katie would know that she was going to be okay, no matter how serious her injuries were. She knew the hospital had rules, though. She knew she wasn't allowed behind those doors without permission. But still, she was willing to take that chance. But first, she wanted to know what exactly was going on. She looked at Tad, who was rubbing his head in his hands.

"Tad…"

Tad looked up and Jessie was immediately taken aback by his watery, bloodshot eyes. He choked out a couple words that Jessie could only assumed was 'Hey Jess.' Tad got up, walked over to Jessie, leaned his tall frame over and hugged her. His grip grew tighter with each passing second and Jessie could feel his body shaking as he began to weep.

"Tad…is everything okay? Is Katie all right?" Jessie was paralyzed with terror to hear the answer to that question. Her heart started pounding out of her chest, waiting for Tad's response.

Tad pulled himself away from Jessie and wiped his eyes. He couldn't speak. He couldn't look at Jessie. He started to back away as he shook his head. In a barely audible voice, he whispered, "She was my best friend."

And at that, he despondently walked out of the room. Jessie felt the room start spinning. She was completely disoriented and didn't know if she had heard Tad correctly. She still wasn't quite sure what was happening until she saw the devastated look on Katie's mom's face. At that moment, Jessie was rendered helpless.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie is stunned, looking traumatized. "The sirens. I…I heard the sirens last night and I didn't even think anything of it. I just…I didn't think…"_

Everything around Jessie had gone from super speed to slow motion to time completely stopping all around her. She couldn't even hear the sobs of Katie's mother. Jessie felt her breathing become increasingly shallow as a sharp pain in her chest started to rise. She turned around to see her mother walk in. Karen looked at Katie's parents and then at Jessie. By the defeated look on Jessie's face, she knew. Karen ran up to her daughter. As she threw her arms around her, she heard Jessie say one thing.

"Katie…"

As her mom held on to her, Jessie felt a jolt and sensed a bright flash surrounding her as time now seemed to be moving at a normal pace again. But for Jessie, time was still frozen.She felt her mom's arms around her and instinctively began to fight it. She tried to push Karen off of her. Jessie couldn't understand how the one person who was against her relationship with Katie from the beginning was now trying to comfort her. Jessie felt sick to her stomach. She kept trying to jerk Karen off of her, but Karen's hold was way too strong. She refused to let her daughter push her away at this moment. Jessie finally gave in and allowed her mother to keep embracing her. She tried to fight off the tears as long as she could. She was afraid if she started crying, she would never be able to stop.

"I want to see her," said Jessie, with her head buried in her mother's shoulder.

"Jess, you can't," replied Karen as she tried to soothingly rub Jessie's back.

"I want to see her," repeated Jessie.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I don't think you can," answered Karen. She felt Jessie start to squirm out of her embrace, so she gripped her daughter even tighter.

Jessie's weakened state was no match for Karen's need to be there for her daughter and hold on to her. Jessie tried one last time to detach Karen's arms from her body. She wanted to run to Katie. She wanted to be next to her. She wanted to believe that her presence alone could somehow revive Katie. But Jessie was powerless in Karen's arms. So she allowed her mother to keep holding her as the tears that had been stinging her eyes for the last few minutes finally began to fall. All she could think about at that moment was what she had experienced with Katie just ten hours ago. Every touch, every breath, every sound from Katie was now fresh in Jessie's mind, as if her memory of last night was taunting her. She struggled to find her breath as she sobbed into her mother's shoulder.

_**Black and White**_

_Katie looks around, confused, scared, completely bewildered. She looks at the camera in shock. "She was only seventeen. That's what they'll say, right? That's what they'll say about me. She was only seventeen." She looks around again in a frightened, agitated state. She is trying to get a grip on what's happening. Immediately, she has a moment of clarity. "Oh my God." She looks at the camera, helpless. "Jessie..." At that, the lights on Katie fade to black, into complete darkness._

* * *

Karen watched as Jessie sat at the kitchen table, trying to choke down a few bites of oatmeal. This had been a daily routine for Jessie for the past two weeks. She knew she had to eat, even though the thought of it made her nauseous. And she definitely needed sustenance today. It was her first day back at school in two weeks. Rick and Karen both agreed that Jessie should go back to school when she was ready. The funeral and aftermath of Katie's death took a serious toll on Jessie and they didn't want her to push her to do more than she could. Everything seemed to happen so quickly. It was still kind of all a blur for Jessie. She had been inconsolable since it happened. She barely said a word to anyone at the funeral. The only two people she would allow in her room were Eli and Grace. Grace had come over to check on her from time to time and, while Jessie allowed her to come in, she wouldn't talk. Eli would manage to get a few words out of her every so often. Especially at night when he knew his sister couldn't sleep. He'd come in and they would talk for a little while until Jessie would close herself off again. She had been to her dad and Lily's to visit, but hadn't slept there. She didn't think she was ready to stay in the attic again. Not this soon, anyway. It would have brought back too many memories for her.

Karen kept watching Jessie, hoping she would take at least one more bite of oatmeal.

_**Black and White**_

_Karen: "I just wanted her to be happy. I think that's all you every really want for your kids. For them to be happy…and safe. I thought I was doing the right thing when I told her to stop seeing…" She somehow can't find the strength to say Katie's name. "I thought I was keeping her safe. But now, I see her. And she's devastated. And she's crying. And I can't do anything to help her. In the end I failed. I couldn't keep her safe. I couldn't keep her from feeling the kind of pain that she should never have to feel." She begins to cry. _

"Jess…"

"Hmmm?" Jessie didn't look up from her oatmeal.

"You know…you don't have to go in today. If you feel like you need more time…"

"I'll go. School's almost over. I need to get caught up."

Karen could tell that Jessie had somehow become detached from everything around her. Perhaps it was easier than dealing with the immense amount of pain she was feeling. But becoming numb and impervious to everything wasn't the way for Jessie to go about this. At least not in Karen's opinion.

"Okay. Well, be sure to call me if you need anything."

Jessie took a drink of her orange juice and nodded. "Okay."

* * *

Jessie was expecting this. She knew it was going to happen, she just didn't want to think about it. As she made her way down the hall to her locker, she noticed a few people blatantly staring at her. She knew what they were thinking. It was just like when she and Katie had made their relationship known at school. Everyone stared at them, but that time it was a lot easier to get through it because Katie was at her side. As Jessie got to her locker, she began to feel incredibly alone. By this point, everyone in school had heard about Katie's death. And Jessie had even seen a lot of the students at Katie's funeral, but she didn't speak to any of them. And they had enough respect for Jessie at that time to not stare at her. But now they were on neutral ground and some people just couldn't help but see if Jessie would crack under the pressure. Jessie felt like running away. She felt like calling her mom and asking her to come pick her up. She had no idea what made her think she was ready for this. She felt a tear start to escape her eye. She closed her locker and was about to make a run for it when she almost ran right into Tad.

"Oh…Tad. Hi."

Tad stood there with his backpack over his right shoulder. "Hey Jessie."

They stood there for a moment in silence, neither of them able to look the other one in the eye. Tad finally broke the silence.

"So, how have you been?"

Jessie shrugged. "I don't even know how to answer that."

Tad nodded. "Yeah…me too. I don't know why I asked that. I must have been asked that at least fifty times and I hate it. I didn't mean to ask you that."

"It's okay."

Jessie shifted uncomfortably as the silence continued.

"I'm sorry I haven't called," said Tad, finally able to look at Jessie.

"It's okay. I guess I haven't really made an effort to call you, either."

Tad nodded. "Well, you have my number. You know, if you ever need to talk. I'm here."

"Same here."

Tad looked around and caught a glimpse of a few more people staring. He rolled his eyes. "Don't they have anything better to do?"

"Apparently not."

Tad leaned back against the locker. "I miss her." His statement wasn't really directed toward anyone in particular. It was just something he threw out there to see if anyone would catch it.

Jessie joined him in leaning her back against the locker. "I know. I do too." She placed her hand on his shoulder.

They stayed there in their own little world, contemplating everything that had happened in the last two weeks and trying to avoid the invasive looks from everyone around them. Tad turned to look at Jessie.

"Want me to walk you to your next class?" asked Tad.

"I could use the company."

They started to walk down the hall together, side by side, just as Jessie had done with Katie the first time they went public with their relationship. There was a newfound mutual understanding between Tad and Jessie. They had both lost the most important person in their life and it seemed to be a little easier to cope with that knowing they were in the presence of someone who understood. Tad stopped in front of Jessie's classroom.

"So…I'll see you later. Maybe at lunch or something," said Tad as he gave Jessie a knowing look and headed off to his class.

Jessie turned to walk into her classroom, but was prevented from entering by someone blocking the doorway. Jessie looked up and saw Rebecca Grayson standing there. She watched Rebecca, trying to anticipate what hateful words were about to come out of her mouth. Rebecca struggled to find her voice.

"Jessie. I…I just wanted to say I'm sorry," said Rebecca.

Jessie looked Rebecca up and down. She brought her focus back to Rebecca's face and looked her directly in the eyes. Without saying a word, she looked past Rebecca, stepped to the side of her and kept walking into her classroom without acknowledging what Rebecca just said. Once she was inside, she closed the classroom door in Rebecca's face, leaving her outside to reflect on everything she had done and said to Katie in the past. Defeated and feeling incredibly guilty, Rebecca walked away to her next class knowing she may never be forgiven for everything she had done.

* * *

A week later, Jessie was at Rick and Lily's. Karen had to work all night and Jessie didn't want to be alone in the house, so she opted to stay with her dad. The past week had been extremely difficult for Jessie, especially at school. She had broken down in class a few times and would have to excuse herself to the bathroom. It seemed she couldn't go anywhere in the school without being reminded of Katie. Every hall she walked down, the lunch table they would sit at, the gym locker room…it all reminded Jessie of Katie. She was somewhat grateful it was finally the weekend.

Only Lily was home right now. Everyone else had gone out to eat, but Jessie wasn't in the mood to go with them. So Lily stayed behind with Jessie and Emily. Lily was upstairs, leaving Jessie sitting on the couch, holding Emily. She looked down at her baby sister, who was wide awake staring right back at Jessie. She sat there, not really knowing what to feel as Emily looked up at her with those sparkling green eyes. Jessie began to feel conflicted. Torn between the joy of new life laying in her arms and the pain of losing Katie.

Lily warily came downstairs and saw Jessie holding Emily. She approached Jessie slowly and took a seat next to her on the couch. Jessie continued to be entranced by her little sister's eyes. Lily could see the confusion and pain on Jessie's face. She didn't know how to bring it up, but she wanted Jessie to be the first to know.

Lily placed her finger in Emily's tiny hands. "Katie."

Jessie looked up at Lily. Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of Katie's name. "Huh?"

"Emily's middle name. It's Katie. You father and I decided a few days ago." Lily nervously anticipated Jessie's response. "What do you think?"

Jessie stared at Lily in awe, then looked back down at her sister and smiled, despite the tears that began to form behind her eyes. "Emily Katie Sammler. It's beautiful." She nodded and looked at Lily assuredly. "Really."

Lily smiled and left Jessie alone with Emily. Jessie carefully used her free hand to wipe a stray tear from her face. She was incredibly touched by her dad and Lily's gesture, but for some reason it made it all the more difficult to look at Emily. All she could picture was Katie holding Emily in the hospital room on the day she was born. She remembered everything about that moment, how her future with Katie was so clear and seemed so possible at the time. But now, it was something that would never come to fruition. As Emily squealed with delight, innocently unaware of the pain her older sister was feeling, Jessie began to cry even more. She looked up as if she was asking some higher power to ease her pain. But nothing stopped her tears from falling.

To Be Continued…

* * *

Author's Note: Please, for the love of God, don't hate me. And please don't let this discourage you from reading the final chapter. I'll try to make it worth your while.


	20. Chapter 20

Jessie's tear-filled eyes stared pleadingly at Dr. Rosenfeld. This was her seventh session in the last four weeks. Since Jessie had gone back to school, her emotional state had become much more fragile, so her parents insisted she saw Dr. Rosenfeld on a more regular basis. Dr. Rosenfeld watched Jessie as he reached out and handed her a box of tissues.

"It will get getter, Jessie. It's just going to take time."

"How do you know it'll get better?"

"Because it has to. You've made too much progress to be derailed by this."

Jessie didn't respond. She sniffled and brought a piece of tissue up to dry her eyes. Dr. Rosenfeld continued.

"Isn't your step-sister's graduation on Saturday? Maybe you should go. It might be good for you," he suggested.

Jessie looked at him as if he had just twisted a nine-inch blade into her chest. "It would have been Katie's graduation, too. How could that possibly be good for me?"

Dr. Rosenfeld nodded. "Okay. Not the best idea, I'll give you that. But Jessie, you need to do something. Anything. Make an effort to try to get this off your mind. Even if it's just for five minutes. I know you loved Katie—"

"LOVE her. I love Katie. She may be gone, but my feelings for her haven't changed."

"Okay. I know how much you love Katie. But keeping this inside you, not attempting to let it go, eventually it's going to take a toll on you."

Jessie sat there, nervously wadding up the tissue in her hands. She managed to control her crying for the time being. She tried to compose herself so her words were coherent enough. "But…how can I? How could I possibly let this go?"

"I told you, it's not going to be easy. But just do one thing. One thing every day as an attempt to get some closure on this. I'm not telling you to forget her, because I know you never could. And you never should. But you have to learn to move on in a healthy way," said Dr. Rosenfeld.

"I can't." Jessie shook her head. "I can't move on. I've tried. I really have." Jessie could feel the tears start to form once again. She tried to fight them as she continued pleading her case. "But I can't escape her. I go to school, and she's there. In the halls, in the cafeteria. I go home, and she's there too. In my room. I can see her so clearly just standing there, looking back at me. I can't even hold my baby sister without thinking of Katie. No matter what I do or where I go, she's there. She's everywhere. She's all over me. And I don't know how to make it stop."

Dr. Rosenfeld took in Jessie's words and leaned in closer to her. "I know. And it's going to be that way for a while. Because you're not letting yourself let go. You're afraid if you do, you may lose the memory of Katie, but I promise you that won't happen. So I want you to do something, Jessie. I want you to go somewhere. Pick a special place that reminds you of Katie. A place that meant something to the both of you. I want you to return to that place and just take it in. Take in all the memories you two made while at that place. And I want you to say goodbye to her. Allow yourself to cry if you need to. Allow yourself to laugh. Allow yourself to feel her presence. But most importantly, allow yourself to get some closure with her." He leaned back in his chair. "Do you think you can do that for me?"

Jessie thought for a moment, then nodded. "I guess."

"Okay. That's all I ask. Just try it."

Jessie sniffled once more and nodded again. "Okay. I'll try it."

* * *

Jessie took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment and tried to get her heart to stop pounding. She opened her eyes and began climbing up the stone wall. She grunted as she pulled herself up to the top of the wall. When she jumped down onto the other side, she almost lost her balance as she landed. She steadied her footing and stood up straight. She looked out in front of her and saw the palatial pool in front of her. The one that she and Katie had broken the law to go swimming in on more than one occasion. She looked around to make sure no one was there. It was around one a.m. so she knew the Grayson's were most likely asleep by this point. She cautiously walked over to the edge of the pool and stood there, recalling all the memories she and Katie had made here. She could picture everything very clearly. She could see them over by the steps, when they first decided to make their relationship official. She could see them floating together in the deep end, sharing that amazing kiss. She could hear the two of them treading water, trying to stay awake, not wanting that night to end.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "There's this Billie Holiday song… "Easy To Remember." When Katie first played it for me, I fell in love with it. It was so haunting…and beautiful. Like Katie."_

Jessie allowed her mind to be flooded with those memories of Katie. She did just as Dr. Rosenfeld said and didn't fight the tears that started streaming down her face. She took a deep breath, hesitated for only a split second, then jumped into the pool with little regard for the fact that she was still wearing her clothes and even her shoes.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie: "I've been thinking about that song a lot lately." Jessie begins to sing. _

"_Your sweet expression, the smile you gave me, _

_The way you looked when we met. _

_It's easy to remember, but so hard to forget."_

Jessie opened her eyes under the water and continued holding her breath. She stayed under for a few moments, contemplating never coming up for air. She thought about just staying there and maybe she would soon join Katie, but she knew it wasn't right. That wasn't the right way. And it was definitely not something Katie would have wanted for Jessie. She swam to the surface and caught her breath.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie continues singing: _"_I hear you whisper, I'll always love you, _

_I know it's over and yet,_

_It's easy to remember, but so hard to forget."_

Jessie ran her fingers through her wet hair, trying to keep it out of her face. She could taste her salty tears mixed with the fresh water, cleansing her face and skin, as she let the tears continue to fall.

_**Black and White**_

_Jessie is off in her own world as she continues singing: _

"_So I must dream to have your hand caress me, _

_Fingers press me tight, _

_I'd rather dream than have that lonely feeling _

_Stealing through the night."_

Jessie was slowly beginning to feel a weight lifted off of her. As if the water offered some sort of purified renewal. Her heart, though, was still breaking. And she could smell Katie on her skin, taste her on her tongue, feel her in her arms.

_**Black and White:**_

_Jessie can feel herself breaking down, and her voice faintly cracks as she tries to finish the song: _

"_Each little moment is clear before me _

_And though it brings me regret, _

_It's easy to remember, but so hard to forget." _

_Jessie looks at the camera, her eyes coated with tears. It's obvious she is thinking solely of Katie._

Jessie stayed there in the pool, treading water, moving her arms to stay afloat. She didn't care if she got caught. That didn't seem to matter anymore. She was here for Katie. She came to remember her and to honor her. She came to say goodbye to her. She could feel Katie's embrace. For one moment, she felt Katie's arms around her and she was whole again. She felt free, at peace. For one moment, she felt like everything would be okay. But she knew she would always love Katie and would always miss her. She knew no matter where she went or how much time had passed, Katie would always be a part of her. She would feel Katie's presence with her always. Jessie looked up towards the night sky, closed her eyes, and cried.

* * *

Epilogue…

Jessie sat in a daze, lazily marking up the notebook paper in front of her. Normally, she'd be paying attention, but for some reason, her thoughts traveled elsewhere today. She stopped drawing on her paper and put her head in her hand, staring out the window. She tried to keep her focus on what her professor was spouting out in the front of the lecture hall, but it was near the end of class and Jessie's attention span had left the building ten minutes ago. Jessie's half-hearted attempt to pretend like she cared what the professor was saying, caught the attention of a fellow classmate sitting one row back and two seats to the right of her. She took notice of Jessie the second time Jessie had involuntarily dozed off. She couldn't help but smile at the blonde's determination to make it through the class, trying to stay awake.

She started chuckling when she noticed Jessie's eyes getting heavier as she was starting to doze off again. So, to save Jessie from any embarrassment, she pulled the eraser off her pencil and pelted it at Jessie, startling Jessie into a fully awakened state. Jessie looked back to see who kept her from falling asleep. When her eyes found her thoughtful classmate, she smiled in appreciation, then looked back at the professor, who was finishing up his lecture.

Once the class was finally over, Jessie grabbed her stuff and headed out the door as fast as she could. She was thankful this was her last class of the day. She stepped out of the building and onto the campus of Columbia University. She was halfway through the first semester of her sophomore year and slowly getting used to her surroundings. Her freshman year was somewhat of a blur and it seemed to fly by, but now she was starting to take the time to let everything sink in. Initially, she hadn't planned on going to Columbia. She really didn't know where she was going to go, but she knew she needed to get away. Far away. It was just easier this way. Her senior year of high school had still been extremely hard on her. So when Columbia offered her a scholarship, she knew she couldn't refuse. She had finally settled on majoring in English after wandering around confused and unsure last year. She kept in constant contact with her family, who were always checking in on her. And she made it a point to call Grace, who was across the country at Berkley, at least once a week. She would also get phone calls in the middle of the night from Eli, who would fill her in every so often on his new job as a counselor at Upton Sinclair High School. She definitely missed her family, but was glad to be able to experience a new life in a new location. Of course she still thought of Katie. She thought of her all the time, but it grew to be a little easier with each passing day.

Jessie continued her trek across campus. She loved cutting across the grassy area, especially on a sunny day like today. She was still in somewhat of a daze when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"So, are you okay? You passed out a couple times in class."

Jessie turned around and was face to face with the girl that was kind enough to keep her awake in class.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. It's just the way that guys talks can sometimes be a little—"

"Boring?"

Jessie smiled. "Yeah. A little boring." Jessie watched as the other girl looked around and shifted her feet. She vaguely remembered seeing her on campus before, though she'd be easy to miss with her thin 5'6" frame and her long brunette hair. Jessie had never really bothered looking behind her in class, so she was unaware until now that they were in the same class.

The girl looked back at Jessie and observed the silver locket around Jessie's neck. She reached out to touch it. "That's beautiful."

"Thanks."

"May I?" asked the girl, referring to whether or not she could open it.

Jessie nodded.

"Where did you get it?" she asked, as she studied the pictures of Jessie and Katie inside of it.

"My girlfriend." Jessie looked down, unsure of how this girl would react to her answer. But the other girl was completely unfazed. She just smiled at Jessie and turned the locket over to look at the back of it.

"Does she have a name? Is she the K or the B?"

"She's the K. Katie," replied Jessie.

The brunette girl smiled. "She must really care about you a lot to give you such a beautiful locket."

Jessie nodded, sadly. "Yeah. She…uh…she did. Care about me a lot."

The girl looked at Jessie, inquisitively.

Jessie continued. "She…uh….she died. A couple years ago." Jessie had no idea why she was even sharing this information with a complete stranger. But there was something about this girl that told Jessie she could trust her, even though she didn't even know her.

The other girl appeared visibly upset. "I…I'm so sorry." Immediately, she felt horrible for unintentionally bringing it up.

Jessie shook her head. "It's okay. Really. You didn't know."

Suddenly, they both got quiet. Jessie looked away from her and began digging her foot into the grass, just to have something to occupy her time.

The other girl couldn't take her eyes off of Jessie. She found it endearing how shy Jessie had suddenly become. She just shrugged and asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jessie looked at her. "Uh…."

"You don't have to. It's just…it seems like maybe it's something you should talk about. I'd love to hear about her. We could get some coffee or something."

Jessie smiled to herself. "I'm afraid telling you all about Katie would take longer than just a cup of coffee."

The brunette girl smiled. "I've got time. I'm Natalie, by the way." She reached her hand out to Jessie.

Jessie shook her hand. "I'm Jessie."

Jessie suddenly found it easier to look Natalie in the eyes. This was the first time someone of substance had really gone out of their way to show any interest in Jessie since she started school here. And Jessie was definitely grateful for that. She held Natalie's gaze as they both started slowly walking off towards the campus coffee shop.

"So tell me about Katie," said Natalie.

"Well Natalie, let me ask you something," said Jessie. "Have you ever heard of Billie Holiday?"

The End

* * *

Author's note: I just wanted to thank everybody for reading this story and giving such kind reviews. It was quite a journey for me to write it and hopefully it was a journey for you to read. I hope you all understand that I needed to write this. I was at a point in my life where this just needed to be written exactly this way. It was very therapeutic for me. I hope I didn't upset anyone too much with the way it ended, but please know that I went into this story with knowing full well I was going to end it that way. Yes, it was for personal, selfish reasons. And because of that, I was thinking about perhaps doing an alternate ending. But only if you guys want it. We could replace the last two chapters and end it a different way. I don't want anyone to walk away from this story feeling ripped off or anything. If you don't want an alternate ending, then that's great. I won't mess with the original vision of this story. But if you do, let me know and I'll be happy to oblige. I'll leave it up to you.

Again, thanks for reading.


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Once and Again