Once and Again It's My Birthday, And I'll Cry If I Want To

It's My Birthday, And I'll Cry If I Want To

Author: j_rock873

Rating: R

Summary: On an important day of her life, Jessie reflects back on a time that she would occasionally like to forget. There will be many flashbacks during this story.

Disclaimer: I only own Katie's college roommate, Jena. The rest belong to the show.

Reviews: Yes, I would like them.

Author's notes: Since I don't recall anyone giving a specific date for Jessie's birthday, I made one up here. According to the show, Jessie's birthday was after Thanksgiving. Just like in my other stories, words in italics are personal thoughts and all capital letters required special emphasis.

* * *

12/04/07

Dear Journal,

As I sit here in bed, I continue to look at the shiny, new ring on my finger. How sweet is it that I got proposed to on my 21st birthday? As happy as I am now, I can't help but think back to the day that almost made this one impossible, which just happened to be my 16th birthday. People always make a big deal over their 16th birthday. They talk about getting their license, the hopes of getting a new car, and how big the party will be. My mom talked about her sweet sixteen party. How she got the perfect dance and perfect kiss from her boyfriend. What I will always remember about mine is that it was the day my family caught me losing my virginity to my girlfriend at that time. I say that because I lost her shortly after that.

Flashback – Five years ago

"Happy Birthday, Billie!"

"Thanks, Katie."

"So what would you like for your birthday?"

"I want you to make love to me."

"Right now? Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yes, don't you want to?"

"Yes, but aren't you worried about getting caught? What if they try to surprise you today?"

"They won't. They know I hate surprises. Besides, they all have plans until late afternoon."

"They do?"

"Mom, Dad, Lily, and Eli have to work while Grace and Zoe are going to spend the day off from school at their dad's place."

"What an advantage it is to have a day off from school on your birthday."

"Yeah."

I was just reaching the climax when we were interrupted by my family. I didn't know what to say. What is there to say when you're caught at that moment? I didn't notice them until I heard my dad yell. I opened my eyes to find anger on the faces of my parents, shock on Lily's, Zoe's, and Grace's while Eli just fainted. Since Katie apparently didn't hear them either, I had to let her know. I tapped Katie gently on the head. Unfortunately, she had chosen this time to carelessly toss our underwear onto the floor.

"OH, KAATIEEE!"

"JESSIE!"

"What?" _Oh no. I can't believe this is happening right now._

"HEY! What did you do that for?" Katie asked as she made her way back up from under the covers, "I wasn't finished yet, and neither were you by the noise you were making. What's with the deer caught in the headlights look, Billie?"

Katie then turned around to see what was wrong. _I'm SO dead right now._

"Jessie, your dad and I want you and Katie downstairs in FIVE minutes."

"OK." _I should have known something like this would happen._

Katie and I managed to get dressed and make our way to the family room in five minutes. Our hearts were beating so fast it felt like they were going to explode. We thought we'd get through it ok, but my fear proved that wrong.

"Jessie, are you gay?"

"No, Dad, I'm not gay. It was just an experiment."

"So then you're not in love with Katie?"

"No, Mom, I'm not in love with Katie. She's my best friend but only a friend." _Coward. How could you do that to her? _

"AN EXPERIMENT? ONLY A FRIEND?" Katie screamed out in anger before rushing out of the house.

"KATIE! Wait, PLEASE!"

"NO, I-I'VE got to go, NOW!" _How can she do this to me?_

"What's wrong with Katie, Jessie?" Karen asked, obviously relieved in hearing Jessie's answer to her question but stunned by Katie's reaction.

"I-I guess she liked me more than I thought."

After a brief lecture, Jessie headed up to her room so no one could see her cry.

End of the Flashback

I can't believe I did that to someone like Katie. She did everything to keep me happy. Even if it meant hiding our relationship until I was ready. How do I repay her loyalty? By lying to everyone; including myself. We had kept it a secret from everyone, except Grace, for almost a year. I knew that she would be breaking up with me that following day at school.

Second Flashback – The end of the following school day

"Katie, there you are. I've been looking for you all day. I didn't see you at lunch time."

"Yeah, I know. That was the point."

"Can we please talk about what happened yesterday?"

"What's there to talk about? We both know what happened."

"I'm SORRY, Katie. I really am."

"Sorry about what? About the lies you told your parents? We promised that if something like this happened that we would be honest with them."

"I can't tell them the truth, Katie. Did you see the look of relief on my mom's face when I lied to her? Besides, maybe you wanted them to catch us."

"HOW can you say something like that? If I wanted that, I wouldn't have hesitated when you said you were ready."

"You're right, ok? What do you want me to do now?"

"I want you to leave. I can't do this anymore. We're through."

"Please, Katie. Don't do this to us."

"ME? I'm not the one who lied. Goodbye, Jessie."

Jessie cried as she walked away from Katie, who stood there emotionless until Jessie could no longer see her. Katie began to cry as well, but was interrupted by Tad.

"What's wrong, Katie?"

"I just broke up with Jessie."

"Why?"

"Because when we got caught having sex, she told her parents it was an experiment and that we were only friends."

Tad wrapped an arm around Katie and could only sigh as she continued to cry on his shoulder.

End of the Flashback

So that was it. Katie had broken up with me. For the rest of Katie's senior year, she barely spoke to me. We were almost like strangers to each other. Katie finalized her plans on going to The Art Institute of California in San Francisco. Since we were apart, Katie decided she would leave a week after graduation and stay at her brother's place at the beach. She came to say goodbye to everyone at my dad's house.

Third Flashback – The day Katie leaves for California

"So then you're never going to forgive me, Katie?"

"I forgive you, but I just can't be with you right now. I need some time away from this place. I'll keep in touch though."

Katie then gave Jessie a hug

"You better, Katie. I love you."

Jessie returned the hug as she felt her heart breaking.

"I love you too."

End of the Flashback

We did keep in touch. We e-mailed each other from time to time. She would occasionally mention her roommate, Jena. I always seemed to feel a little jealous when I heard that name. The girl was seriously attracted to Katie. The fact that Jena had no problems doing whatever she could do to get Katie's attention was pretty obvious, but Katie would always dismiss it when I brought it up. The slut did everything, except actually throw herself on Katie. She wouldn't think twice about wearing almost nothing when they were together in the room. She constantly borrowed Katie's clothes so she could be even closer to her.

When Katie came home for the Christmas/New Years break, I was thinking that maybe she would be ready to get back together, but I was wrong. I didn't give up hope. I came close when her roommate got me to believe that Katie had fallen for her. I had received pictures along with a brief note a week after Spring Break.

There was several of Katie in the arms of a beautiful blonde. They were in a variety of poses. Some pictures were more provocative than others. Seeing her kiss another girl hurt a lot, however, the last one upset me the most. I looked on in shock as her roommate had taken one of her and Katie in bed together. Katie was topless and asleep on her stomach. Her roommate, who was just as undressed as Katie, was leaning over Katie with a smirk on her face while a hand gently rested on Katie's butt.

On the note:

Jessie,

Just thought I'd show you the fun Katie was having without you.

Love,

Jena

P.S. I love how her skin is so soft, especially when it's rubbing up against me.

That's when I broke down. I just started to cry. I had cried for a few minutes when I was interrupted by the ringing of my phone.

Fourth Flashback

"Hi, Billie. What's up?" Katie asked too cheerfully.

"You tell me?" Jessie cried out through sobs.

"Tell you what? I have no idea what you talking about."

"I'm talking about you and Jena."

"What about me and Jena?"

"Are you sleeping with her?"

"NO, what gave you that idea?"

"Maybe it's the photos she sent me. I'm looking at them right now."

"What photos?"

I described every single picture and finished it with reading the note to her. The next thing I heard was Katie yelling at Jena.

"JENA, WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING BY SENDING JESSIE THOSE PICTURES, AND WHAT GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO TAKE THAT ONE OF ME WHILE I WAS ASLEEP?"

I couldn't hear what Jena said, but it didn't matter. Katie explained that every picture was taken during Spring Break. She had done most of those poses on a dare while drunk. Since she was passed out, she had no idea that the last picture was taken.

"So what did you call for anyway, Katie?"

"Well, I've been thinking about us since Spring Break. I would like to give us another chance. If you want to, that is?"

"R-Really? I would love that. When will I see you again?"

"I'll be home for your graduation."

"OK, see you then."

"Bye, Billie."

End of the Flashback

I was so happy she wanted me back that I didn't tell Katie that I had good news for her that day. I had finally told my parents that I was a lesbian, and that I loved Katie. Almost everyone was immediately supportive. My mom took a little bit longer to convince, but eventually she gave her support.

"Billie, what are you still doing up?"

"I'm writing in my journal to help me remember this day while I bask in the beauty of this ring," Jessie responded as she started to get misty-eyed.

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, I was thinking back to the time I lost you."

"Oh, ok," Katie replied before turning away from her, "I thought you promised that you'd never mention that again."

"I thought it didn't bother you anymore."

"It still hurts a little when I think about it."

"I know how to make it up to you."

"Really? How do you plan on doing that?"

Jessie laid the journal down on the end table, turned off the light, and began to kiss her.

"That's a good start."

"Well, there's a lot more where that came from."

"How did I get so lucky, Billie?"

"You're wrong there. I'm the lucky one."

"I love you, Billie."

"I know. I will do my best to make sure that never changes."

The End


End file.

Once and Again, Angst, Drama