Harry Potter 1. Songs and Squirrels

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well, this idea was inspired by Trinity Day and her story "In the Dark", I have reviewed and blah blah so nuttin you can sue me for.

Hopefully, I'll get lots of reviews and the idea for their 'situation' comes from a Catholic High freshman initiation tradition, my brother hopes for duct taped to the wall instead of the Diaper Rally! LOL!

ENJOY! :)

* * *

Sirius: I thought I would never see the day 

James: And exactly what day is this?

Peter: The one in which we get duct taped to the wall

James: oh ok, I see

Remus: So which one of you wants to volunteer to use your wand to get us out of here? Sirius?

Sirius: Funny story actually, you remember that squirrel I named "Mr. G. Wallaby Wiggles Wosworth"?

Marauders: um....ok

Sirius: Yeah, well, seems he thought it was candy, and what about you James?

James: I sent it to Lily as a sign of our love.

Marauders:..........

Peter: It's broken for sure then.

James: Nobody asked you, where's your wand anyway?

Peter: Um....I dunno....

Remus: Where was the last place you had it?

Peter: The bathroom I think....

James: Don't tell me you flushed it

Peter: GRIN

Marauders: LORD!

Sirius: Where's your's Moony?

Remus: It's on the floor.

Sirius: Where?

Remus: Over there

Sirius: oh......right......I'm 'enry the 8th I am.....

Marauders: 0-0......what?

Sirius: I'm 'enry the 8th I am

Remus: Quit singing Sirius, we have to put up with you singing Bohemian Rhapsody when you take a shower and that's painful enough!

James: This is the song that never ends....it just goes on and on my friends...

Sirius: Some people started singing it not knowing what is was and we'll just keep on singing it because........

Sirius & James: THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIENDS!!!!

Remus: SHUT UP!!!!!!

Sirius: I'm hurt Moony

James: So, what has been going on in everyone's life lately?

Remus: Well, I finally got my test results back, seems they want me to transfer my secrets of the universe to them. But the problem is, which one to share first? The one about how the energy of the sun-

James: Ok, anyone else?

Sirius: It's nothing to do with the sun, silly werewolf, it's all about how you can harvest the energy of peanuts and channel that energy into a positive negative force.

Peter: Sirius?

Sirius: Yeah?

Peter: Shut up.

James: You know what Pete?

Peter: The voice in my head is telling me not to answer but...what?

Sirius: You're insane in the membrane, so insane, got no brain!

Remus: I swear to god Sirius, if you don't shut up I will personaly cut off your big toe and sell it to your second year stalker.

Sirius: I'd like to see you try!

Yeah?

Yeah!

Well ok then!

Bring it furball!

That doesn't even make sense Sirius!

Oh, so your the only one that can make a profit, eh?

You're worse then Hillary Duff!

James: Look children, make a wish, it's a falling star!

Peter: Both of you quit it!

Remus: How did we get duct taped to the wall anyway?

Crickets: chrip, chrip, chirp

Sirius: Um, is it just me or is this story coming to an end?

Peter: What so soon?

Christy: Well, I can't stand here forever, I have homework to do!

Marauders:.......you suck

Christy: Fine, Sirius, no more Peanut Butter....ever!

Sirius: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Remus: But if you end it now, how will we get out?

Christy: Maybe another chapter?

Marauders: work......

Christy: Good, anything you wanna say?

Sirius: yeah, a nose in need, deserves puffs indeed.

* * *


	2. Crayons and Crickets

**Author's note: **Well, I have to say that this new Fanfiction document manager is looking pretty cool, anyway, here's the next chapter! ENJOY!

* * *

James: Sooo......here we are...once again 

Sirius: Did you bring me a monkey?

Remus: Sirius, this is a time to be serious

Sirius: But I am Sirius you can't get any siriouser than me!

Remus: I'm afraid you misunderstood me.

Sirius: Do you need a hug? Because all I've got is kisses for Mr. G. Wallaby Wiggles Wosworth...

Peter: Sirius?

Sirius: Yes my Peter Dumplings?

Peter: Shut up.

5 minutes later...

Sirius: Peter?

Peter: Yeah?

Sirius: Shut up.

Peter: Now that's not fair, I wasn't saying anything.

James: Peter, did you drink one of Sirius's milkshakes again?

Peter: What kind of a question is that?

Sirius: The kind of a question which deserves an answer.

Remus: That's all questions you moron.

Sirius: Not nessecerly, if I ask "Gee guys, why do you think it's hot out today?" You don't say anything. You shrug.

James: Sirius?

Sirius: Yes my Sugar Boogaloo?

James: That's the suns rays, melting your face off and pentrating your brain.

Sirius: Let's ask ourselves. Is that really a fair assumption?

Peter: No.

James: Peter my fine froed homieo, why ever must you be hostile?

Peter: I dunno, probably because I'm always in your company.

Remus: Then you should sue, I'm on the idea at the moment.

Sirius: THE DEFENSE RESTS!

Remus: We aren't in court Sirius.

Sirius: OH Moony, must you be so hateful? Must you?

Remus: Yes.

Sirius: Why ever so my hubbie wubbiekins?

Remus: Because you're still breathing.

Sirius: That hurt.

James: 99 bottles of butterbeer on the wall, 99 bottles of butterbeer....

Peter: Does any one have any duct tape?

Marauders: 0.0

James: No Peter, why ever would we have duct tape?

Sirius: For real dude, who has duct tape when they're duct taped to the wall?

Peter: Ohhh....right....

5 minutes later...

Sirius: You know what rhymes with Moony?

Remus: Don't Care?

Sirius: No, Silly, there's Balloony, Fafoony, loony, clooney, roony, toonie, noony....

Remus: You know what rhymes with 'blackmail'?

James: Clack Rail?

Remus: No, Jessica.

Sirius: Praise thou Remus J. Lupin, for he is the most wise and all powerful and has saved a wretch like me.

Peter: Wow. That worked.

Sirius: You know what also ryhmes with Remus?

Crickets: chirp chirp chirp

Sirius: Me neither.

Peter: Then why did you bring it up?

Sirius: Seemed like the thing to do at the time.

James: You know what we should do at a time like this?

Sirius: Sing? I know the perfect one!

Remus: NO SIRIUS DON'T YOU EVEN-

Sirius: ...:::1000 words, call out through the ages, they'll fly to you, They'll carry you home and back into my arms:::...

Peter: NOOOOOO

Sirius: ....:::::Suspended on silver wings!! OHHHH!!:::....

Marauders: SHUT UP!!!

Remus: Why must you sing all the time!?!?!?

Sirius: Cause I get bored.

Remus: Then keep yourself entertained.

James: He does, by singing.

Sirius: BAM! The defense rests.

Peter: I swear to my stiny socks that I shall kill you while you are sleeping so peacefully in your dark slumber. And I shall concoct the sweetesst poison to ever be known and slip it ever so silently into your drink and watch with great pleasure as the poison travles so smoothly down your throat and errupts in your stomach.

GINORMOUS CRICKET: CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP.

Sirius: Hold me, I'm scared.

Remus: Peter, you scare me.

James: Must go cry to mumsies.

Peter: (SHUNNED)

Sirius: That's just not cool Wormys, That's just not cool.

James: Well, I think that we should all just take 5 minutes of silence, to reflect upon what we shall do to Peter later.

7 minutes later...

Remus: Alright, who wasted two more minutes?

Crickets: chirp chirp (SPLAT)

James: Damn crickets.

Sirius: What about the ginormous cricket?

GINORMOUS CRICKET: bring...it...on...

James: Uh...he's cool...he can stay.

Remus: So who wasted two extra minutes?

..........  
........  
........

James: That's your cue.

GINORMOUS CRICKET: CHIRP CHIRP

Sirius: Me.

Remus: Whatever were you doing?

Sirius: I drew you a picture. Here, it's a flower.

Remus: What's the red square?

Sirius: A house next to the flower.

Remus. What's the green thing in the 'house'?

Sirius: Oh, that's you.

Remus: Thanks Sirius, one more thing, what's that purple thing in the sky?

Sirius: That's a bomb.

Remus: Thanks Sirius (sarcasm) Thanks a lot.

Peter: So what is my fate?

James: STRIP TEASE!

Peter: I don't want to do that!

Remus: But Snape does!

Peter: I am disgusted.

Marauders: We know Peter, we know.

Sirius: You know what Prongs?

James: What?

Sirius: Ah...never mind I shouldn't tell you...

James: That's not cool.

2 minutes later...

Sirius: You know what Moony?

Remus: I know I'll regret this, but what?

Sirius: Nah...I guess I shouldn't tell you...

Remus: Sirius?

Sirius: Yes my blue crayon?

Remus: Blue crayon?

Sirius: Yes. The unhappy crayon.

James: So what's the happy crayon?

Sirius: The Orange Crayon, that's me. You're more of a green crayon James.

James: What's that supposed to mean?

Sirius: You're a ho-hummer. Peter's the red crayon.

Peter: What horrible thing are you calling me now?

Sirius: The creepy crayon.

James: That pretty much describes Wormtail.

Sirius: You know what Wormys?

Peter: It's my brithday?

Sirius: Nah I shouldn't tell you.

MARAUDERS: JUST FRICKIN TELL US!

Sirius: Ok ok, sheesh don't be a box of blue crayons. Crayon boxes need variety.

James: Cut to the chase,

Sirius: Christy is walking away.

Remus: HEY! Where do you think you're going?

Christy: I personally think this is long enough for my readers.

Peter: So?

Christy: SOOO my job here is done.

James: Will we ever get out?

Christy: Sooner or later.

Remus: You're a procrastinator aren't you?

Christy: More or less. Now, does anyone have anything they want to say before I go do whatever?

Sirius: I do!

James: But you got to last time.

Sirius: Do you want another song?

Remus: Just let him do it James.

James: Fine go ahead Sirius.

Sirius: Thank you.

Christy: Okay, go ahead and say it.

Sirius: (In the Terminator's voice) My abs are Tonka tough.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed. As you know, has been screwy lately so....I can't post this up now, which now as in the day I typed this but I posted it as soon as I knew it was up. Now, REVIEW!!!! REVIEW REVIEW OR I SHALL SET MY GINORMOUS CRICKET ON YOU!!!! 


	3. Loonies and Laptops

**Author's Note: **Well, this idea was inspired by Trinity Day and her story "In the Dark", I have reviewed and blah blah so nuttin you can sue me for.

WHAHAHAHA! SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE BUT TO MAKE UP FOR IT, THIS ONE'S GONNA BE AWESOMELY FUNNY!

Enjoy!

* * *

Remus: There are just some things in life that nobody wants to experience...one of those things is Sirius. 

Sirius: Lalalala hmhmhm..

Peter: What are you doing?

Sirius: I'm humming.

Peter: Why must you make noise?

Sirius: Why must'nt I?

Peter: Why can't you stop?

Sirius: Why can't you start?

Peter: What is with all the questions?

Sirius: Who brought that up?

Remus: SHUT UP!

James: Hey now,silence is golden but shouting is fun!

Sirius:I totally agree.

James: Then shall we?

Sirius: Yes, I think we shall.

James & Sirius: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Peter: What the-

J & S: ARGGGGGGGGGGG!

Remus: ACK! Noise!

Peter: What are they screaming now?

J & S: Squanky! Squanky!

James: That was fun.

Peter: Are you two having some sort of contest?

Sirius: No, but good idea! We should have a-

J & S: RANDOM CONTEST!

Remus: Let me guess, to see who's more random.

James: Correct, Sirius you go first.

Sirius: Corncob!

James: Italy!

Sirius: Mr. Pookie!

James: Peaches!

Sirius: Bubblegum!

James: Soap!

Sirius: Here's my impersonation of Bush.

Bush stands at the missile control center, stroking his chin.

Bush: "Let's nuke Kentucky!"

Soldier: "But why Sir? Kentucky is ours."

Bush: "Because those damn Europeans get on my nerves!"

James: Bomb Diggity!

Sirius: Grotesque Groundhog!

Peter: Blood!

Marauders: 0.0

Ginormous Cricket: CHIRP CHIRP

Remus: Hey look who's back!

Sirius: Whaty up up?

Ginormous Cricket: Nuttin much my homieo.

James: Goobers!

Sirius: The Frosted Flakes and the Coco Puffs are forming a communist nation!

Remus: She sells seashells by the seashore.

James: You think she makes any money?

Sirius: Nope, those seashells are crap.

Peter: How would you know?

Sirius: Bought one on vacation once, didn't hear the sound of the ocean.

James: Ok, bored now. Let's talk about Lily!

Marauders: Let's Not!

James: ...You suck.

Peter: I'm getting bored, I wish I had my knives with me...

Ginormous Cricket: CHIRP CHIRP CH-COUGH-CHOKE-GAG

Sirius: Peter, my creepy crayon, the red crayon, why is that you have a problem?

Peter: Problem? What problem?

Marauders: ...Nevermind then.

Sirius: I don't feel any funny waves. How come?

Christy: I'm tired, my throat hurts like crap, I have carpal tunnel in both of my wrists, I'm loaded up on pain pills and I'm a little distracted right now.

Sirius: Ok, but try to bring the funny back.

Christy: You try doing it for once!

Sirius: Naw, I'll let you screw it up.

Christy: That's it! I QUIT!

* * *

So this is how this thingy works. 

What thingy my dear Padfoot?

This flapbop James.

You mean a laptop?

Yes Moony, I mean a labtop.

LaPtop genius.

I know Moony, thanks.

Shut up.

No Wormys.

This is cool!

James you are forever fascinated.

I totally agree Sirius.

You know what?

What Peter?

What is it?

Just forget you!

James?

Yes Padfoot?

I feel like writing a poem.

I'm totally touched Sirius.

You should be Moony, you should be.

Hey Sirius?

Yeah James?

Guess where my hand is.

Is that your hand?

Ewww...

It was a joke Wormys

I can see that James.

Then why did you say "Ewww"?

Because I felt like it Sirius.

Butthole!

Gold fish!

Butt Anus!

Dodo head!

Anus Butt!

Pansy!

Butt's Anus!

You're not very creative, are you Sirius?

Psh, of course he's creative! He's random!

Thank you my dear Prongs, but I think I must go cry in a corner somewhere.

So what are we supposed to do now my dear Moony?

We'll think of something Peter.

Hey! Let's get that random student to type for us!

Hey you! Come here!

* * *

(**A/N: The following should be read fast!)**

Peter: Fnlaliy no mroe of taht anoyning sfutf!

James: Ecelnelext in fcat.

Remus: Hwo's Taht tpniyg giong?

Kid: Not so wlel, It wno't mkae wrods rhgit.

Sirius: Wachk it!

**BANG**

Kid: Hey! It worked!

James: Cool, now as I was saying-

Kid: Potions! Gotta go! I'll put it on auto.

Marauders: NOOOOOO!

Peter: Cute girl.

Remus:Peter...that was a guy.

Peter: Opps.

Sirius: I just realized something...

Marauders: 0.0 What?

Sirius: Why didn't we ask'it' to get us down?

Marauders: (-groan-)

James: What's that blinking light mean?

Remus: I think the battery's almost dead.

Peter: Uh oh.

Sirius: Now for my closing statement.

James: It's my turn!

Sirius: Fine go ahead.

James: Ok...(-thinks-)

Sirius: So hurry up.

James: Pandas taste like popscicles!

* * *

okay, i have just endured excruciating pain in my wrists and yet i continue to type so all of you had better review because otherwise, that's just not cool...

REVIEW BEFORE I BUY ALL THE CORN IN IOWA!


	4. Balloons and Beefcake

**Author's Note: **wow! 2 updates in 3 days? That's insane, plus I'm still sick so yall are getting a special treat this week! Wow...I must love yall a lot!

In case anyone's wondering how the Marauders are duct taped here's the 'seating chart'

S- J -R -P

**OH! the thing about Bush and Kentucky..._I MADE IT UP_! It never happened...lol and nobody's ever heard of it before...so stop reviewing and saying that you remeber...you little liars! LOL MOCKERY!**

ENJOY:)

* * *

Sirius: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! 

Peter: ACK! ARGH AHH! WHAT?

Sirius: THE SKY IS FALLING! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!

Peter: AHHHHHHH!

James:...Wormys...he's kidding.

Peter: Oh ok...

Remus: If I could move my hand I would smack thee.

Peter: There's just no love today...

**5 minutes later...**

Sirius: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Marauders: ARGHHH ACKKK! WHAT!

Sirius: Jamesies! Your cuticles are so totally trashed!

James: OMG really?

Sirius: Like OMG yes!

James: OMG!

Sirius: Like, I have some cucumber melon scrub bubbles, if you wanna like, borrow it like, sometime.

James: OMG really?

Sirius: Like OMG yes!

Remus:...I'm lost.

Sirius: Today, I've like decided to like become like a cheerleader and what not!

James: OMG really?

Sirius: Like OMG yes!

Peter: James is just acting like he does everyday.

James: I like so totally resent that.

Sirius: Yeah Peter. You like need an attitude adjustment...or like, something!

Remus:...I don't know you. I swear! Stop following me!

Sirius: Like Jamesies, have you like met Mr. Buttons?

James: No, who's Mr. Buttons?

Sirius: He's my scrub bubble buddy!

James: Is he like, hott?

Sirius: Are you like kidding? He's squishy and plush!

James: Oh...so is he like hott?

Sirius: He's like a total hunk of scrub bubble buddy beefcake!

James: OMG really?

Sirius: Like OMG yes!

Peter: The one on the left is kinda cute, you want the one on the right?

Remus: ewww...dude that's Sirius and James!

Peter: Opps, I forgot.

Sirius: Peter, If I were amish, you would be like so totally shunned!

James: But since you're not, let's like party!

**(-music plays and confetti falls-)**

Peter: I think I just snuffed confetti up my nose.

Sirius: If I had pigtails, i would so totally swing them right now!

James: I can help you with that like later!

Remus: I am so creeped outta my mind right now...Unicorns are playing darts with James's fingernails...

S & J: DID SOMEBODY SAY UNICORNS?

Sirius: OMG I love unicorns!

James: OMG really?

Sirius: Like OMG...no!

James: Oh...ok...

Sirius: Jamesies, how much do you love me?

James: Um, depends...

Sirius: I'm about to ask a very big favor of you, and you'll do it...if you love me.

Peter: I don't like the way this is going...

Remus: Bad images are popping up in my head! MAKE IT STOP!

Sirius: (-deep breath-)... Sniff this tampon!

GINORMOUS CRICKET: **CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP**

**5 Minutes later...**

GINORMOUS CRICKET: **CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP**

James: OMG you're not serious are you?

Sirius: It just came out of the package and it says it's scented...NOW SNIFF IT!

James: NO!

Sirius: Oh come on! Someday we'll look back on this, laugh,...and then hastily change the subject!

James: Not by the hairs on my-

Peter: I hate it when they do this! My mind just fills in the blanks!

James: -chiny chin chin!

Peter: PHEW!

Remus: You're kinda funny...in a way that's so demonic I can't possiblely explain or understand...

Sirius: James, if you love me you will sniff it!

James: (-sniffs-) hey that does smell good.

Sirius: NO SCRUB BUBBLES FOR YOU!

James: NOOOOOOO!

Christy: SHUT UP!

Marauders:...0.0...why?

Christy: I had 103 fever last night and my head hurts!

Sirius: Whoop-dee-who-cares

Christy: You've been a little butt munch lately Sirius!

Sirius: Well if somebody hadn't stolen my socks..

Christy: What are you talking about? You stole MY socks!

Sirius: OHHHH SO NOW YOU'RE THE VICTIM!

Christy: THAT'S IT! I'm ending this story right now! I'm also going to take Mr. Buttons away!

Sirius: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Christy: You want me to take your squishy pillow too?

Sirius: Okay, Remus it's your turn to say a closing statement.

Remus: (twitch-) No amount of therapy will ever make this chapter ok...

* * *

TA DA!

hope you enjoyed NOW REVIEW REVIEW!

BEFORE I GO TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE ON YOUR !


	5. Pogo sticks, Pick up lines & Popularity

Duct Tape Chapter 5!

Pogo sticks, Pick up lines and Popularity

James: Oh wow. A fifth chapter? How long are we going to be up here anyway?

Sirius: As long as my socks are untied.

Remus: Oh dear…here he goes again.

Sirius: mmmm…..yes….I did see the pogo stick….it was lovely

Peter: He is sooo weird.

Sirius: You're one to talk Mr. 'sit in the coroner and sharpen my knives'.

Peter: They have to be sharp!

Remus: Why?

Peter: Incase I have to use them…..

James: Why would you need to use them?

Peter: Uh….just incase.

Sirius: Lost cause guys….lost cause.

Remus: You're a lost cause Sirius.

Sirius: You know it lover.

Remus: Don't call me lover!

Sirius: Why not lover?

Remus: Because I cannot handle how weird you are.

James: I can.

Peter: Well, we know that.

………………….

Sirius: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Remus: OH MY GOODNESS!

James: oh my god what is it?

Sirius: (in tears)…heh heh…wooo that's funny

Peter: What?

Sirius: We…..hhahaha…..we call you…..(snort) Wormy!

James:…ok then

Remus: Glad you got that out of your system

Sirius: What's you middle name Remus?

Remus: ummmmm

Sirius: Hey! Nobody asked you.

Remus: You just did

Sirius: Not I.

James: Nor I.

Sirius: Are you all right Moony or is the wolf part of your brain getting to ya?

Remus: it's actually telling me to punch you right now.

Peter: Violence!

James: Oh shut up.

Peter: Why?

James: Why what?

Peter: Why should I shut up?

James: What are you talking about Wormy?

Sirius: Must be hearing things…right Moony?

Remus: Sure, why not. I'm having girl troubles anyway.

Sirius: You should use some of my pick up lines

Peter: Now why would he go and do a stupid thing like that?

James: I want to go and do a stupid thing! Let's hear 'em Padfoot.

Sirius: All right, AHEM Who's the girl?

James: PETTIGREW!

Remus: For real, weird him out, not me.

Peter: huh?

Sirius: Are your pants retarded? Cause you sure are special

Peter: oh my-

Sirius: You must've farted because you blew me away.

James: I like that one!

Sirius: Is your dad a terrorist? Cause you're the bomb!

Remus: That's offensive.

James: Who cares?

Sirius: Is your dad a farmer Wormy?

Peter: no why?

Sirius: Because you have the nicest melons I've ever seen.

James: psst….Wormtail, ask Sirius what time it is.

Peter: I know I'm going to regret this… Sirius, do you have the time?

Sirius: Do you have the energy?

Remus: That's actually pretty good.

Sirius: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Peter: That's lame.

Sirius: If I were to ask you to have sex, would your answer to that question be the same as this question?

Peter:….um…er…no?

James: AHA! He's a queer!

Remus: I'm not going to disagree with you there.

Peter: Wait…I don't get it.

Sirius: Neither do I, but maybe if we try together, we can get some.

James: OOOO Burn.

Remus: You're really good at this aren't you Sirius?

Sirius: That's what your mom said last night.

James: Oh SNAP!

Peter: I can see that he knows what he's doing.

Sirius: That's what YOUR mom said last night.

James: Ouch, do you want some ice for that burn?

Sirius: You're ugly, but you intrigue me Wormy.

Peter: Same to you.

Sirius: Beauty is only one light switch away.

James: I think I said that once.

Remus: To who?

Peter: Probably Lily.

Remus: So that's why she doesn't like you. You've been taking tips from Sirius!

Sirius: Hey, Moony, haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Remus: Yeah, that's why I left.

James: Schwing and a miss.

Sirius: Not cool! I'm leaving.

Peter: You can't leave

Sirius: Why not?

Remus: Because we're duct taped to the wall, which is a very good excuse for why we have so many hilarious conversations. Right Christy?

Christy: Yeah….pretty much. So, who wants to end the chapter.

Peter: PICK ME!

Christy: All right, why not, go for it.

Peter: Will shit for cheese.


	6. Bards, Burning, and Black

Bards, Burning, and Black

Remus: Do the masses really like this sort of thing THAT much?

Sirius: Of course they do, they shower me in candy corn!

Remus: Who does?

Sirius: The masses of course, they like me for my personality.

Peter:…That's a lot of personality.

James: Yeah, Sirius has about 23 personalities bottled up inside him.

Remus: This, I have never experienced before.

Peter: What?

Remus: Sirius has multiple personality disorder?

James: Oh my gawd Remus, you of all people I think would've noticed.

Remus: (shrug)

Sirius: No matter what, I will always prevail!

James: You see, this is one of them and probably the most prominent.

Peter: Which is….?

James: Conceded.

Peter: 0.0

Remus: PEE-TER? DO-YOU-UNDER-STAND? Do you know what that-word means?

Peter : 6. 9

James: What kind of a face is that?

Peter: A confused one, what does 'Konkited' mean?

Remus: CUN-SEE-DID. It means vain.

Peter: Oh…so, conceded is to heart as tunnel is to freeway?

James: No not that vein! Vain! As in obsessed with one's self. Only someone who was vain enough would think that vein could be used the same as vain.

Sirius: Vain runs in my veins.

Peter: Are they spelled different or something?

James: HELLO? Isn't it obvious? Vain…vein.

Peter: I can't tell! It's not fair! How am I supposed to know the difference, if the only way you can tell the difference is if it's typed?

James: Context…duh.

Remus: I'm very proud of you James.

James: And to think, I thought you were kidding about getting me a dictionary for my birthday.

Remus: (teary-eyed) You…you actually read it?

James: Hell no, but Sirius and me burned the shit out of it and threw our toy soldiers in it.

Sirius: Burn baby burn! Did you bring me a monkey?

James: Didn't you ask that in a last chapter?

Sirius: Thanks for coming to my tea party guys!

Remus: What's this personality called?

James: The Mad Hatter.

Sirius: Take some more tea!

Peter: But I haven't had any yet! So I can't take more!

Sirius: You mean you can't take less. It's very easy to take more of nothing.

Peter: Oh dear.

Sirius: I WANT A CLEAN CUP!…Let's all move down one.

Remus: Wow. That's pretty funny.

Sirius: So is your face.

James: Sirius, why not demonstrate to us your 'emo' side?

Sirius: I hate the world and the world hates me. I'm going to go get a depressing layout and update my myspace with the horrible going-ons of my life.

Peter: So that's what I forgot to do!

Sirius: BLACK! I love black! For I am Goth! I love weapons…and black! If I could, I'd change my last name to Black…

Remus: Sirius…your last name IS Black.

Sirius: All the more reason to change it to Black.

James: Wow. The word 'black' looks really weird after a while…black, black, black, black.

Sirius: Rhymes with "ack, ack, ack, ack, ack….

Peter: Kinda sounds like: "bleck"

Remus: Where have I a heard that word before, such an odd word, "bleck".

Sirius: Well there are so many situations in which you could use "bleck".

James: As in seeing something gross or tasting something bad.

Remus: Or seeing Peter's face!

James: Yeah or like seeing—OMG!

Sirius: Did…did…d-did Remus just…BURN someone?

James: 0.0

Peter:…I don't get it.

Sirius: You don't get much from anyone.

James: Except for negativity, which I will be happy to provide.

Sirius: If I were a wandering minstrel, I would sing such tales of James and his "dishing out of negativity".

Remus: I'm debating on whether or not I would actually buy that album…

Sirius: "Peter was such an odd fellow"

James: Man…I am seriously getting hungry…

Sirius: "He hated everyone, everything, even yellow"

Remus: Nice alliteration.

Peter: What the crap is that?

Sirius: "And I predict one day very soon…"

James: I'm stumped as well Wormy.

Sirius: "He will become even more of a loon."

Remus: That reminds me of a tongue twister…

Sirius: "And while everyone was going on with their daily lives"

Remus: A skunk sat on stump…

Sirius: "He would kill everyone with knives"

Remus: The skunk thunk the stump stunk

Sirius: " And while he was heading for the train conjunction…"

Remus: And the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

Sirius: "He would discover his erectile dysfunction"

Peter: At least I get some benefit at the end!

Marauders: 0.o

Remus: I weep for you Wormy.

Sirius: I weed-eat for you.

Peter: That's so nice….IF ONLY I HAD GRASS!

James: Well we know you have something that rhymes with grass….

Sirius: May I entertain you while you sit on your toadstool of obesity?

Peter:…It is not big!

Remus: That's what she said.

James: Yeah! That's what she—OMG! Another one Remus?

Remus: I feel so hostile today…

James: Is that considered a bad thing?

Remus: My intelligence feels so…gone.

Sirius: Wow Remus, you look tired from all that defeat. Here, let me wipe you off with a sponge, the sponge of failure.

James: Ho-Ho! Wow that's great.

Sirius: Acknowledge my skills!

Marauders: (bow)

Remus: I don't Sirius. My skills are definitely worth mentioning.

Sirius: Let me play you a merry ole song on my whimsical flute: "You suck".

Remus: This is going nowhere.

Christy: HOW DARE YOU! Are you implying that I should stop?

Remus: Well, no but…

Christy: Hmph! I will end this conversation myself. If you had a pet Remus, it would be the Salamander of Regret!


	7. Seven and Sayings

**If you're "from:" fanfiction, I'd just like to say that I am working on getting the earlier chapters fixed so it won't be in script format. Please allow me some time to do this because I have to incorporate emotions and movement now. Thanks!**

* * *

Helen Baldwin was rummaging through the closet, looking for her old notebook. She had just recently learned some rumors about Hogwarts students being unregistered Animagnus and she was looking for her interview with them. Well, it technically wasn't an interview. It seemed she dropped it somewhere in the school while she was there looking for a different story. At the time, 4 students had been duct taped to the wall.

Spying something pink, she let out a "yes!" and grabbed it. She flipped the notebook open, a quick quill jumping out and began to read the pages….

* * *

Sirius: Lucky number 8! WHOOP!

Remus: No Sirius, it's the seventh you—whoop?

Sirius: WHOOP!

James: TRALALA!

Peter: Oh no, here they go again.

Sirius: No Peter, here you go again.

Peter: Huh?

Sirius: Ssh! The men folk approachith!

James: Bombs away!

Remus: What are you guys talking about?

James: I don't know.

Sirius: Maybe I'm menopausal.

Remus: Sirius, you're dude, that's not possible.

Sirius: Ugh, it's these damn hot flashes again!

Peter: Oh well then, so I'm not the only one.

James: Poor Wormtail: The Menopausal.

Sirius: It does get hard when you have to go in and ask for a size 6 and they give you dirty looks.

Remus: You are such—a size 6? What does that have to do with anything?

Sirius: Because it's what number chapter this is!

James: Ok Sirius, it's number seven, SEVEN.

Sirius: My butt is not that big!

James: I never said it was!

Peter: I'm pretty sure I did at one point in time.

Remus: Oh when will we ever get down?

James: Hey…um guys?

Sirius: Yes, rumps?

James: Uh, how did we get up here in anyway?

Marauders: 0.0

Ginormous Cricket: CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP

Sirius: Hey buddy! Glad to see you and your ginormous cricket ways back in the 6.5 chapter!

Remus: It's number seven!

Sirius: Remus J. Lupin I will smite you!

Remus: You will smite me?

James: What's the past tense of that anyway?

Sirius: Smit, maybe….

Peter: Smited?

James: So you would say: "Aha! I just smited you!"

Sirius: Perhaps it's smote….

James: "Aha! I just smote you!"

Remus: Smote?

Sirius: Smote.

Remus: You must be special Sirius.

Sirius: You bet I'm special.

Peter: I wish I knew what special felt like…

Sirius: It's kind of like when you finish a crap and you stand back and admire your hard work…

Ginormous Cricket: CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP

Remus: That's just gross.

Sirius: Oh come on Remus, you know you do it too…

Remus: I most certainly do not!

Sirius: You stand back and say to yourself: "My God! How did I push that thing out?"

Remus: Oh no Sirius, it's just you.

Sirius: Anyone who says they don't is lying.

Remus: Are you suggesting that everyone does it?

Sirius: Are you suggesting I'm wrong?

Remus: Y-you bet I am!

James: …you've done it before, haven't you, Moony?

Remus: Ok so maybe once or twice…

Peter: Ok, that's pretty much gross….

Sirius: Pretty much? How terribly generic! I must come up with a new saying.

Remus: Such as?

Sirius: Let's see pretty much, you're pretty much saying that the much is pretty.

Peter:….wait…what?

Sirius: Hot much! This shall be the new saying!

Remus: Geez, Sirius, did you make that up all by yourself?

Sirius: Hot much.

James: Hey! There's lots of ways you can use that! How's the sun today Sirius?

Sirius: Hot much.

Remus: And how does that make you feel?

Sirius: Hot much.

Peter: And this creates what kind of image of yourself?

Sirius: Hot much.

James: HAHA! The Diagnostic is complete! The sun is melting his face off AND He's egotistical.

Remus: What if it's mistaken for "not much?".

Sirius: How so Moony?

Remus: Like, do I look good in this light?

Sirius: Hot much. You know what Remus? I don't think it could.

Remus: Well how about "Do I look good in these clothes?"

Peter: Hell no, I think you'd look better out of them,

GC: chirpity chirpty chirp chirp

James: Ok Peter, you have crossed the line!

Peter: I thought Sirius took it with him when he asked Professor Greenleaf out!

Remus: Yeah, come to think of it, I haven't seen the line in a while; Sirius crossed it so much that it's gone! Right Sirius?

Sirius: Hot much.

James: Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we lie and then feel breeze.

Remus: Um, that's not right.

James: I'm pretty sure it is.

Remus: I'm pretty sure it's not. It's "and then deceive."

James: Same thing.

Sirius: You ever hear the song "Oh lolly lollypop?"

Marauders + Cricket: Psh, no.

Sirius: Safety pin, safety pin, oh safety pin, Safety pin!

James: Ba, Ba, Bum, Bum.

Remus: You guys are too funny.

Christy: Of course not! I am too funny!

Remus: Why don't you get us down?

Christy: Because I just don't feel like it.

Sirius: You don't feel anything! For you are French!

Christy: Uh, dude, I'm American/Italian/Irish. Just because I take French doesn't mean I AM French.

Sirius: So when you burn someone is it getting "French-fried?"

James: (laughs) That's a good one…French-fried….wheeeew.

Christy: Oh whatever guys, just end the chapter.

Sirius: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

…

…

…

Marauders: What friend?

Sirius: My puppet!

Remus: But you don't have a puppet.

Sirius: SILENCE! Or puppet will eat you!

* * *

**Review! OR PUPPET WILL EAT YOU!**


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor