Fullmetal Alchemist 1. Prologue: Fire At Will

**Something Fishy**

**Prologue: Fire At Will, Though He Had Nothing To With It**

The dark slate grey clouds let loose rain that fell in torrents. A thirteen year old boy with light brown hair and blue grey eyes was gleefully

splashing in the puddles that seemed to hang around all year round. Lagging behind, a young man of eighteen with golden hair caught up in

a long tail with dark gold eyes, avoided the puddles and tried to keep out of the rain as much as possible. His eyes warmed as he watched

his brother play, the last time he'd seen Alphonse so happy and carefree was before their mother died.

Al was having fun, delighting in the pounding of the icy rain on his body, the taste of the muddy water that splashed on his face, the stink of

the mud he'd stirred up from the road he ran down. Looking back, he beamed at his big brother, Edward who was following behind him,

trying to stay as dry and clean as possible.

Al's grin turned mischievous as he slowed to let his brother catch up. Ed hated this kind of weather. Judging the distance between him, Ed

and the deep muddy puddle, Al leaped.

It was perfect; the time, the place, the angle. A large spray of dirty muddy, cold wet water headed strait for Ed. Ed's gold eyes widened a

split second before he got hit in the face. Spluttering, Ed stumbled back, tripped and landed on his butt in another puddle. He stared

blandly at his hysterically laughing brother, feeling the cold water soak into his clothes.

Al really should have been expecting that Ed would retaliate, but he caught him off guard in a tackle and they both went sprawling into that

large deep puddle. Using his auto-mail, the mud was just as cold, if not more so, then the water, he scooped up a large handful of mud

and threw it strait into Al's face.

'Take that Al!' Ed grinned triumphantly, only to score a handful of mud in his face. With that, the mud fight commenced.

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Al was stoking the fire before he went to bed. Having found the Uranium Bomb, the brothers were now hiding in a remote part of Europe

in a small run down cottage. They'd decided they would try and find a way home without leaving power hungry psychopaths a way to

follow. They'd been living in the cottage for nearly a year now, and had already got a routine down. At this time of night, Al would look

after the fire, and Ed would have his nose in a book.

'Come closer to the fire Brother, you'll ruin your eyes if you keep reading in that kind of light.' Al wasn't surprised when Ed didn't

answer; getting Ed away from books was like sticking your hand in a bee hive and you didn't know if it had been smoked or not.

'It was a good day today, wasn't it?' Al knew if he kept taking, Ed would eventually answer.

Ed looked up from the book and glared at his brother. As with most of their fights, real or otherwise, Al had won.

'Do you have any new ideas on how to get back home brother?' Al continued, now having Ed's attention.

Ed sighed and put the book aside. 'Some. I'll tell you in the morning. We should get some sleep.'

'Sure brother. Good Night.'


	2. Cause This Gate Has A Sense of Humour

**Chapter One: 'Cause This Gate Has a Sense of ****Humour**

Al groaned and flopped onto his back. His eyes slowly opened, blinked once, twice. His brain was having trouble making sense out of what his eyes were seeing. He was in a cave, which was obvious, he could see the roof. Sitting up and looking around Al saw he was in a deserted city. There was no sign of life. At the end of the ruined street, Al could see a partly collapsed building. It appeared that an aeroplane had crashed into it. How did an aeroplane get into a cavern like this? City. Underground. Aeroplane… The city under Central! It worked!

'Brother! It worked, it worked! We're back home!!' Al's excited yell echoed through the dead city. 'Brother? Brother!' Al cried, looking around in panic. It couldn't happen like this. Not again. He didn't want to be with out his brother again! Brother had promised they'd both come back, together, that they'd never be split up again. What if they didn't give enough to the gate?! What if brother had to be left behind or worse, stuck _inside_ the gate?!

A series of meows echoed through the heavy silence that lingered after Al's outburst. Hearing the cat sprung up memories of Ed, soaking wet, holding a half drowned kitten, arguing with their mother; of himself, trapped in a suit of armour, arguing with Ed over a small wet kitten. Turning to the cat, tears gathered in Al's eyes.

'Al, why are you crying? We're home!' Ed demanded, stalking towards his distraught brother.

Al just stared wide eyed as a sleek golden cat mewed and stalked towards him; its golden eyes held a disturbingly familiar irritated expression. The cat's auto-mail limbs made a metallic clank that echoed through out the dead city.

Al just continued to stare, his mind not wanting to really accept the conclusion it had come to.

'Hey Al... Why are you so big?' Ed asked as he looked up at his brother.

Al had a feeling that the cat was trying to communicate with him, but he couldn't wrap his mind around that this animal could possibly be his brother.

When the cat let out a louder, more demanding yowl, Al's animal soft spot got the better of him.

'What you want, little guy?'

What the cat did next Al would never forget. Its fur bristled out to twice its original size; it's back arched before it started to jump up and down and run around in circles all the while letting loose a series of ear-splitting yowls and screeches.

'WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE HE'LL SUFFOCATE FROM A MINISCLE PIECE OF DUST FALLING ON HIM!!!?'

'Ed?' Al whispered, 'is that you?'

Ed stood on his hind legs and waved his arms (forepaws), Ed hasn't realised he's not human anymore)) 'who the hell do you think it is!?'

'Y-you should take a look at yourself...'

Ed glanced down... and just blinked. He was a _cat_. How could he be a cat? Didn't they give enough and this was the only way he could come back? Or was the gate pulling a prank on him? But that would mean the gate was sentient, or was it what's inside the gate? Ed let out a pained yowl, his train of though was giving him a headache.

'Are you alright Brother?' Al asked concerned, Ed was taking this suspiciously well.

'What do you think? I'm stuck as a cat, I don't know how to get back to normal and I bet we're just going to run into General Sarcasm, wont he have a fun time with _this_,' Ed's tail swished in agitation.

While Al couldn't understand cat, he did know how his brother thought. 'General Mustang really could help us, brother, and you're no longer a State Alchemist, remember?'

'Did you even listen to a thing I said, Al!?' Ed yelled stalking around his little brother, his tail moving into overdrive.

'Sorry brother, I don't speak cat. But I know you well enough to know when you are complaining about the General.' Al ran his hand down Ed's silky fur, smiling as Ed let out a small purr.

'Al! What are you doing!?' Ed cried, leaping away, 'I'm your brother, not your pet!'

'Sorry, brother, but I couldn't resist,' Al chuckled at Ed's disgruntled expression. 'It's a good thing you're a cat, they express themselves really clearly, don't they, brother.'

'Yeah, my claws, your hand,' Ed muttered holding is left paw in front of his face and starting to wash it.

'You'll have time to groom later, brother, now we have to go see Mustang,' Al scolded gently, with a laugh in his voice.

Ed looked at his paw it horror. I was doing _what_!? But it felt like I should... Knock it off! This is only temporary! Ed started to stalk off, but found himself scooped off the ground and brought up against Al's warm chest.

'I can walk you know, Al.'

'It'll be quicker this way, brother.' Al guessed what Ed had said. Judging from the small growls and the wiggling into a better position, he'd guessed right. Unable to help himself, however, Al started to scratch Ed behind one of his ears. To Al's delight, Ed started to purr.

'You know, brother, this could be karma getting back at you for not letting me keep that kitten...'

Ed jerked his head away from Al's evil hand... he'd found just the spot... then the comment sunk in.

Al laughed as his brother started to squirm, wiggle, struggle, bite and yowl.


	3. The Old Friend You Never Missed

**Author's Note:** Chapter three. Thanks very much to those who reveiwed, It makes me feel special and stops me from procrastinating about updates.

And since I forgot last time:

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, if I did, do you really think the movie would have ended the way it did??

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Al paused before the door that led to the office of General Mustang and his staff. He felt Ed stiffen and make a low growling in the back of his throat.

'It's not that bad, brother. If you want, I could pass you off as a stray?'

Ed turned his head to give Al his best cat glare, Al was right in saying cats were very good at letting people know what they were feeling, before turning back to the door and commencing with grumbling under his breath.

'Now, Ed, you behave. Just because you're a cat now doesn't mean you can be rude,' Al lectured.

'Since when haven't I been rude?' Ed asked, but as it came out as a meow, he didn't expect Al to understand him.

'Can't you at least try, brother?' Al asked hopefully.

Ed stopped his muttering, and gave Al a surprised look.

'You're my brother, Ed. I know how you think.' Al told Ed firmly before knocking and entering the room.

Inside, Lieutenants Havoc and Breda, Warrant Officer Falman along with Sergeant Fuery, were all looking furiously busy dealing with mountains of paper work while First Lieutenant Hawkeye looked on from her desk with her gun in full sight.

All worked stopped as Al stepped into the room.

'Hey there Alphonse,' Hawkeye smiled, 'I haven't seen you in a while,'

'No, I guess you haven't,' Al smiled and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

'Cute cat, Ed finally let you keep one, hey?' Havoc commented, his trademark cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.

Al looked down and squirmed awkwardly while Ed glared murderously at Havoc.

'Haven't told him yet?' Breda smiled evilly, remembering the last time Al had picked up a stray cat.

'There will be no alchemy battle this time,' Al commented firmly glancing down and meeting Ed's suspiciously innocent eyes.

'So you've finally got your memory back,' Fuery smiled as he sorted the paper on his desk.

'Yeah,' the simple statement was filled was a quiet joy.

'Where's Edward?' Hawkeye inquired curiously.

Al looked down at Ed who was started to twitch. 'Ahh...

'I take it you and the little guy-' Havoc started to say before the cat in Al's arms blew a gasket.

'WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE HAS TO GET HIS LITTLE BROTHER TO HOLD HIM UP SO HE CAN SEE OVER PEOPLE'S SHOES!!'

This came out as a loud ear-splitting yowl.

Everybody in the room was staring at the little golden ball of fury Al was struggling to hold onto in shock.

Ed wiggled out of Al's grip and landed on the floor, his two automail limbs clanking on the floor. If it was possible, everyone's eyes would have widened even further as they saw the impossibly delicate, yet distinctive, automail limbs the cat bore in place of his right foreleg and left back leg.

\Black Hayate, awakened by Ed's yowling, made an appearance and started to bark, startling the humans. While they considered the black and white dog's bark to be loud, it hurt Ed's new keener and more sensitive hearing. Flattening his ears and puffing out his fur, Ed started to make low threatening growling noises. Black Hayate stopped barking, his ears flickering back and forth as he looked uncertainly at the obviously pissed cat. Ed started to swing his tail and stalk forward slowly. Black Hayate started to back away.

'Stop right there,' Hawkeye ordered, ignoring how ridiculous she must look talking to a cat, her hand hovering near her gun which was still in plain sight

Ed saw the movement and stopped fast, he could see the dangerous look in her eyes. Knowing it was for his health not to piss off Hawkeye, he sat, tried to look innocent and started to wash is left paw.

The military personal started to calm, seeing the strange cat do something cat-like. Al just looked at it in the same way he always did when Ed was being silly.

It was then Ed realised what he was doing, with a shocked mew, he jerked his head away and stared at his paw as if it was poison. The whole different body thing came with its own set of instincts. Ed had been using these to his advantage on how to control such a strange body by meshing his human instincts with his cat ones. It was a good plan until the cat one's took over and he found himself doing something disturbing cat-like.

With one more pained meow, Ed stood and shook his head fiercely. Sound coming from the room up ahead drew his attention... Well they had come to see Mustang. With a smug air, his tail held up like a jaunty flag, Ed strutted, in a typical cat way, he'd never realised how well a cat could strut, past Mustang's gobsmacked staff and pushed his way through General Mustang's partially closed door.

General Mustang was furiously signing papers at an impressive speed brought on by fear of Hawkeye and her deadly accurate pistol. He looked up startled, when a feral yowling had come from the offices that his subordinates used. He would have gone and investigated, but catching sight of one of Hawkeye's bullet holes she'd created that morning to encourage him to work, made him reconsider. Hawkeye could deal with whatever was happening in the other room. It would be best to leave her alone. No reason for him to stop his paperwork. Yes, yes, not reason for him to get up at all...

Mustang went back to furiously signing documents as if his life depended on it (which it did). He was so absorbed making sure he'd knock off that night without injury, that he didn't notice his door creak open, or the curious double thud of something metal hitting the floor repetitively.

Mustang's work speed increased as something heavy was thumped onto his desk. 'More paperwork, Hawkeye?' Try as he might, Mustang couldn't keep the whining tone out of his voice.

Instead of Hawkeye's cold threatening voice, something meowed at him.

'Don't bitch about your problems to me, General, take it up with your gun-toting madwoman,' Ed told him in cat.

Mustang looked up startled out of his concentration and stared at the gold cat that sat on his desk. The sun that shone in through the large, obsessively cleaned windows turned the cat's eyes molten gold, make his sleek coat glisten, reflected off the cold steel of the cat's metal legs.

Mustang's eyes widened. 'What the...' he murmured as the cat's tail started to twitch dangerously.

'Hawkeye,' He called out, not taking his eyes from the golden eyes of the cat that held a familiar look, 'why is there a cat on my desk?'

The General's question snapped his staff and Al out of their daze and they all came rushing into his office.

The stampede drew his attention away from the strange cat and he raised a peeved eyebrow at his subordinates, though he was glad for the distraction, it was getting him out of the paperwork.

He blinked when his eyes fell on Al. He was relieved to see the pain of not knowing Ed's fate had left his face, though he did not look happy just now, instead he looked very concerned.

'Welcome home, Al? Where's the shrimp?' He inquired, remembering Ed's crack about his eye patch nearly a year ago when Ed had finally made an appearance. The cat on his desk hissed furiously and lashed out at his hand.

'What it with the insults, bastard...' Ed growled threateningly, as his maturity was slowly starting to reinsert itself after the shock of finding himself in a cat's body. He was eighteen nearly nineteen, he wasn't a kid anymore damn it, he could be mature. But only if the smug bastard stopped throwing around the word 'shrimp' and various other 'height jokes'... Ed's tail was starting to swish around violently.

'Ahh... That's an awkward question Sir...' Al stammered.

Mustang wasn't stupid; he could put two and two together. But his mind was having real trouble wrapping itself around this one.

'Please don't tell me that this _tiny_ piece of fluff is-?' Mustang's question was cut off suddenly as the gold cat on his desk blew up as Ed's slowly recovering maturity was sent flying out the window.

With a series of ear-splitting yowls, Ed sent Mustang's paperwork flying as he showed off how lithe his new body was with a series of springs and flips.

Everyone watch flabbergasted as they watched the cat, that they were finally starting to think of as Edward, throw an impressive tantrum.

'Spry little fellow isn't he?' Mustang couldn't help but add.

With a furious screech, Ed leaped at Mustang, wrapped himself around his arm and sunk his teeth into Mustang's hand.

Mustang let out a yell and started to shake his arm. 'Get it off me! Get it off me!'

Al strode forward and grabbed Ed by the scruff of the neck and pulled him off the general.

'Brother! Stop this right now!' Al scolded. Ed hung from Al's hand, not moving, but still emitting a dangerous rumble. 'I \told you to behave for once,'

Mustang and co watched the scene bemused. It had seemed Ed had calmed down, and Al transferred Ed to his arms, though he still held on tightly as the growl grew louder.

'I can see the sarcastic thoughts in your head, bastard!' Ed hissed.

Mustang slowly unfurled one of his infamous smirks. It had always sent Fullmetal's blood pressure through the roof.

Ed's eyes turned murderous as he tried to launch himself at Mustang once again. Al held on for dear life.

'COME ON AL, LET ME GO! I'M ONLY GOING TO SCRACTCH HIS EYES OUT AND SHOVE THEM DOWN HIS FUCKING THROAT!! AAAARRRRRRRR!!! MUSTANG YOU BASTARD, YOUR A DEAD MAN!!!'

To the surprise of all, General Roy Mustang burst out laughing. 'Its good to have you back Fullmetal,'

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**A/N:** To all the nice people who are going to review, please drop off some ideas on what could happen next, I've got no idea where this story is going. :P 


	4. Could Today Get Any Worse?

**Chapter Three: It's All Fun and Games**

It may have taken a while, but General Mustang, with the help of Hawkeye and her pistol, had finally gotten his excitable staff to calm down and get back to work. Which left him free to grill Alphonse, and, to a certain extent, Fullmetal about what had happened in the last year. During the conversation Mustang made sure to avoid words such as "shrimp" and "pipsqueak" that bite had drew blood.

'What do you plan to do now?' Mustang inquired of Al.

'Hopefully find away to get brother back to normal,' Al answered, somewhat daunted by how exactly they were going to do that.

Ed heard the quiet sadness in his brother's voice and struggled to back out from behind the bookcase, when was the last time Mustang cleaned behind here? Shaking cobwebs from his whiskers, he made his way towards Al. With a lithe leap, he was up on Mustang's desk. Ignoring the paperwork that seemed to be a permanent fixture, Ed sat and started intently at his brother, wondering what to do.

Al smiled sadly and shifted his face closer to Ed, who started to purr softly and reached out his left paw to pat Al on the cheek.

The sadness disappeared from Al's face and his eyes started to sparkle in a way that made Ed nervous. He started to back away, but wasn't fast enough.

'Aw, brother!' Al cried, grabbing Ed and half choking him in a death hug, 'You're just too cute!'

'ARRR! Mustang you smug bastard, stop smirking and help me!' Ed yowled desperately, reaching out a paw towards Mustang imploringly.

Mustang stared at the spectacle before him with amusement; he didn't think he would ever see the day when Edward Elric would beg him for help.

'Damn you to hell bastard!' Ed cursed when Mustang's shoulders started to shake from suppressed laughter.

'I'm sorry brother, but I couldn't help myself,' Al was trying to explain to his irate brother as Havoc drove them to the Hughes' house, Gracia had kindly offered to let them stay with her while they were in Central.

Havoc kept glancing in the rear view mirror; it was hard, despite what he'd seen, to think of the little gold cat as Edward Elric. It was more than a little disconcerting hearing Al talk to it as if the creature could understand and talk back.

Ed was currently ignoring Al. He was seething. It was bad enough that he was a cat, that they needed the bastard's help but to have his own brother strip him of what little dignity he had left, to make him _beg_ that bastard for help. He, the Fullmetal Alchemist, beg Brigadier General Roy Mustang for _help_? Only to have the son of a bitch _laugh _at him? This called; no _demanded _revenge.

Al knew that talking to Ed would result in blood and wisely held his tongue. Just because his brother was now a cat didn't mean he wasn't dangerous.

'Here we are, boys' Havoc called to the two in the back, hesitating briefly over 'boys'

'Thankyou Havoc,' Al smiled as he got out.

'The General wants you two to come by tomorrow and we'll see if we can sort something out,'

Both Al and the cat nodded. Havoc gulped and quickly drove off. Ed hissed a little, insulted.

'Don't worry brother; this kind of thing is rather hard to wrap your head around...' Al explained, knocking on the door.

'Easy for you to say, Al, you're not a cat!' Ed grumbled as the door opened.

'Hello Al, it's been quite a while,' Gracia smiled warmly at Al.

With a happy chirp, Ed found himself twining around Gracia's legs, purring like mad. This wasn't the Gracia from Germany who sold flowers, but Mrs. Hughes, the wife of a dear friend, the woman who threw him a party when he was twelve, the woman who's baby he'd "helped" deliver...

'Oh! You've finally got a cat I see, Al.' Gracia laughed, 'Maes told me about the last one you found in East City,'

'Yeah, though this one is going to be around for quite awhile,'

Gracia raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything; she just moved to let Al and his happy cat inside.

'Elysia, dear, come and see who's paying us a visit,' Gracia called out. Within moments a bright eyed seven year old (a/n just a stab in the dark) appeared, she let out a squeal as her eyes landed on Ed. He only had time to gulp before he was scooped up into yet another death hug.

'Eeee! He's so cute!' Elysia squealed, 'Is he yours Al?'

Al smiled and nodded.

'What's his name?

'Ah...' Al stalled 'I... haven't named him yet,'

'Can I name him?' Elysia started to bounce, jolting Ed.

'I'm going to get a headache if this keeps up,' Ed mewed to no one in particular.

'Please?' Elysia turned her puppy dog eyes on Al.

He didn't stand a chance, 'Okay then, you can name him,'

Ed gave Al a horrified look; this wasn't going to end well.

Elysia shifted her hold on Ed so she could look at his face, her seven year old mind not comprehending the look of sheer terror on the cat's face.

'I'm going to call you... MUFFIN!' Elysia declared.

The room was dead silent.

'That's a great name Elysia,' Al praised.

'Don't encourage her!' Ed yowled squirming out of Elysia's grip.

'Muffin, come back!' Elysia ran after "Muffin" who promptly shot under the couch. 'Muffin come out and play!' Elysia knelt on the floor by the couch trying to catch a glimpse of the allusive cat.

'Would you like something to drink, Al?' Gracia offered.

'Yes please, Mrs Hughes.' When Ed escaped Elysia, Al knew his life wouldn't be worth living.


End file.

Fullmetal Alchemist, Adventure, Humor