Slayers 1. Default Chapter

Setting the scene  
  
(Right all you people out there who are obviously reading this masterpiece, let me introduce myself. I am *drum roll here* the Narrator!!! *evil laugh echoes about the room to no avail* Well then, ahem, right, uh, back to me! I decided what goes on, I am in charge and there is nothing you can do about it, so there. *minuets silence while the Narrator waits for a reaction, which never comes* Ok then you spoil sports, on with the story)  
  
Steffi Anderson lay on her bed contemplating over the fact that tomorrow was indeed the hated Monday, symbolizing another dreaded week of school. The thought was highly depressing.  
  
Steffi had recently returned from her friend's place, Tori, where the two had indulged themselves with the amusing series Slayers Try, wishing that their boring lives were just as interesting. However Steffi's parents, who had spent the weekend at their peaceful holiday house, had returned home early, much to Steffi's displeasure, for her father had somehow managed to misplace his glasses.  
  
(Narrator takes a deep breath from the past exhausting sentence .) Fortunately though they had left Steffi at home again while they went out to buy her father a new pair, her mother having to drive the diesel engine 4WD, or 'tank' as she referred to it.  
  
Steffi's eyelids felt as though they had weights attached to them. Maybe watching anime DVDs all night hadn't been a good idea….  
  
(Narrator wonders if the audience will guess what is to come, or wasn't the trail off of dots enough? -.-)  
  
A crashing noise from Steffi's walk-in-robe brought her around in a start. She sat up, having discovered that she had fallen asleep in her science homework, and stared at the firmly closed door. Looking around had proved to reveal no-one else, she got up slowly and approached it, her hand grasping a stick that had once served as a prop in a tap dance routine she had once performed during the early years of her life.  
  
(Narrator starts a pledge that they will not allow sentences exceed three lines o)  
  
Steffi cursed herself for having left her pocketknife in her jacket that now hung lifeless in the very same walk-in-robe that she was about to bombard. Before she could turn the handle though an oddly familiar voice sounded from the other side.  
  
"Oh my dear. It appears that I took a wrong turn somewhere."  
  
Steffi flung open the door to revel a figure in a cloak with purple hair staring at the mass of clothes, toys, baskets, bags, dolls, baby-clothes and old ballet costumes that he sat amongst.  
  
"Xellos!?!" she exclaimed. Piku.  
  
The figure looked up at her in surprise, then quickly snapped shut his eyes and smiled placing a hand at the back of his head.  
  
Piku, piku, piku…  
  
"Konichiwa! Dokowa Kara Kimushtaka?" He asked out of random.  
  
"Osutorariawa Kara Kimushtaka." Steffi replied fluently after a second's pause. Xellos looks somewhat disgruntled. "While other students suffered with the concept of French verbs I learnt Japanese and Indonesian." She explained to him.  
  
(Narrator has now put them in a position that they have to explain to Japanese challenged people. 'Piku' is a Japanese sound effect for blinking. Xellos who in a vain attempt to suggest that he had no idea what Steffi was talking about had said the first thing that came to mind, which happened to be 'Hello. Where do you come from?'. Steffi who had understood him replied with 'I come from Australia.' O.o)  
  
Xellos gave up on the act and scratched his head.  
  
"Australia, hmm? Oh my, it appears I have turned up in that sphere shaped world again." He muted to himself, absent-minded fingering one of Steffi's tops.  
  
"Do you mind getting out of my wardrobe!" She shouted, banishing the stick in front of her. Xellos gave it a quick glance and then smiled again.  
  
"Not a problem, I will be off now."  
  
"Hey!" Steffi yelled again, "I didn't mean it like that!"  
  
But Xellos did not perform his disappearing act that Steffi had known him for. Instead he opened his odd eyes and looked frustrated at himself.  
  
"Now what have I done?" he grumbled, before averting his eyes to the fifteen year old girl with her stupid piece of wood. "Oh dear. It appears my appearance has created a disturbance."  
  
"Disturbance?" Steffi asked, afraid of the answer although Xellos been Xellos had no intention of explaining. He simply continued to sit on the pile of junk, spinning his staff about in front of him as though that helped him think.  
  
Steffi remained staring at him not knowing what to think nor do. Xellos? In her walk-in-robe? What was supposed to be a light whack with the stick to her forehead, which had accidentally hit an already existing bruise that shot a sharp pain throughout her head in complaint, proved that it was no dream.  
  
(Narrator goes and hits their head against the wall for continuing to write long sentences .)  
  
Xellos looked up at her through his closed eyelids again.  
  
"What did you do that for?" he inquired.  
  
"Trying to find out if I was dreaming." Steffi groaned while clutching her head.  
  
"Hmm," he mused, "interesting method."  
  
"Yeah well your not supposed to feel pain in dreams!" Steffi defended her actions. It was during her dizziness that she realized that Xellos was actually there. That the anime character Xellos was sitting in a pile of anime style junk.  
  
Almost dreading it, Steffi removed her hand from her head and stared at it while her mind debated whether or not it was a good thing to be an anime character. In the end she dropped the stick and dashed over to mirror where an anime version of her stared out of its depths. Wild brown hair lined her face while large bright green eyes stared. She had an arrow for a nose and what would normally be a straight line for a mouth was opened in surprise.  
  
"Xellos? Is this your little disturbance?"  
  
A gulp escaped the Mazoku.  
  
"You stupid hentai!" Steffi yelled at him, turning her back on the mirror.  
  
"Hentai? Now what you call me that for?" he asked turning his head on the side in question.  
  
"Because you are a hentai in other fan fiction I've read." She had not in least calmed down though, "And will you get out of my wardrobe!"  
  
"Fanfiction?" Xellos asked and for the first time he looked worried. An evil laugh echoed about the bedroom seeming to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. The two looked about in disbelief.  
  
(Yup. That was I, the Narrator of this fanfiction! And those characters down there are under my manipulation! *evil laugh again*)  
  
Xellos sighed and finally, to the relief of Steffi he stood up and moved out of the walk-in-robe. He looked around again through closed eyelids at Steffi's quiet little retreat.  
  
A single bed abutted into the room with a desk opposite on which a laptop, desk lamp, phone, and a TV with no reception could be made out amongst the mess of papers and books. Apart from that there was a bookcase that was filled with fantasy books, how to draw anime, and various mangas.  
  
"Hmm, cozy. I suppose. Not my style though." Xellos approved the room and knocked Steffi's science work out of the way so he could lie down on the bed. He fixed Steffi with a glare.  
  
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah, you're Xellos from Slayers." Steffi replied wondering where this was leading.  
  
"Not who I am, what I am."  
  
"A monster?" she asked unsure that although she had heard it everywhere, Xellos really was a monster. The Trickster Priest lifted an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Well I'm sorry but I have only had the opportunity to see Slayer's Try and that has been over a course of a month for I don't get to see my friend Tori that much anymore and she is the one with the DVDs since our crummy video store doesn't have them on video." Steffi finished in a strained whisper from lack of breath.  
  
(Narrator also takes a minuet to satisfy their need to pant)  
  
Xellos waited for her to finish her outburst with eyes closed once more.  
  
"In this world what happens in other worlds are fictional stories or movies, although appear as they are depicted." He said to no one in particular.  
  
"Say what?" Steffi asked from where she had subdued to the floor.  
  
"Anyway the body that I poses is merely a form that I can use, made up entirely of my magic although can not appear in the astral plane or other worlds." He had reopened those freaky eyes and was staring at the glow in the dark star covered roof. "So it appears that this room has been manipulated to my needs." Suddenly he sat up again and put a hand behind his head. "Oh my, did I just say that out loud?"  
  
"This room?" Steffi gasped and leapt up. She dashed toward the door and flung it open. Instead of the hallway she had been expecting, there was nothing. Nothing at all.  
  
She rounded on Xellos, who seeing her face fell off the bed.  
  
"Get out of here!" She yelled at him, "Do your little disappearing act! And turn everything back to normal!"  
  
Xellos gave a nervous laugh and popped his head up from the other side of the bed.  
  
"You see, that's the problem. I can't."  
  
(Now you have read the first of my lovely fanfictions you want more, don't you? Well only I, the great Narrator, can provide you with more *evil laugh which is starting to get overused* Now to do the classic thing: Oh no! What is to become of Steffi trapped in her bedroom? And why did Xellos turn up there in the first place? Well that would be because I decided he would and whatever I decided goes. Tune in for the next episode of 'The Great Narrator's fanfictions!' ^_^) 


	2. A Little Disturbance

1 A little Disturbance  
  
(It is I again, the great Narrator! So, you wanted more? Well then why the hell would you be here if you didn't want more! Things have been getting boring in Steffi's bedroom so now I'm here to create some havoc. Ark, I'm not in the mood for talking much, just shut up, sit down, and read -_-)  
  
Steffi Anderson got a new idea. She got up from her bed that she had rightfully retaken from Xellos after he had fallen off it. There had been a one-sided yelling match to follow with Steffi doing the rare thing and giving Xellos a tongue-lashing. Given the fact that the Trickster Priest couldn't telaport his way out of the room he had subdued to the floor to listen. When everything had fallen silent, Xellos had taken to amuse himself with some Guyver mangas, while contemplating on a way out of there. Steffi had done the same only without the Guyver mangas, at first. Then she remembered how relaxing reading about alien bio weapons slicing up supper humanoid monsters was.  
  
But now she decided to try one of their only connections with the outside world. The telephone. Xellos raised an eyebrow when she picked it up, although didn't seem the least bit surprised when Steffi sighed and replaced it on its hook.  
  
"No line." She sighed again.  
  
"Hmm, no surprise there." Xellos muted from his position in front of the bookcase.  
  
"Easy for you to say!" Steffi's blood had begun to boil again, "If we are stuck in here forever I refuse to make a new colony with you, you hentai!"  
  
"Will you stop calling me that." He replied, "Just because some 'fanfiction' writers have twisted minds."  
  
There was a rumbling noise that came in the direction of Steffi's stomach.  
  
"Oh damn! I haven't had anything to eat since breakfast at Tori's place." She complained. "And I need the bathroom."  
  
"Oh my, it appears we are a bit unprivileged." Xellos remarked  
  
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious."  
  
Xellos continued to stare at Steffi through closed eyes, then suddenly opened them.  
  
"Oh, I get it. My, my, it effects them in the strangest manners."  
  
"What?" Steffi asked.  
  
"That time of month, hmm?" he closed his eyes again.  
  
"What the hell! You really are a little pervert!" Steffi screamed.  
  
"Eh heh, I only meant an explanation to your not so chirppy mood." He defended himself, holding up one of the mangas as a barrier.  
  
(Narrator is pleased about the absence of long sentences that had plagued the last chapter.)  
  
Xellos was saved from a certain second round of tongue lashing by the echoing sound of the telephone ringing. Both Mazoku and human looked at the source of the sound. Piku, piku.  
  
"I thought the line was dead." Piku, piku, piku.  
  
Steffi carefully made her way over to it with Xellos watching from behind a manga on the floor. She picked it up and held it to her ear.  
  
"Uh, hello?"  
  
Steffi let out a sigh of relief when Tori's voice bounced down the telephone line.  
  
"Oh hi Steffi. Um you said to ring if you left anything behind, well I got your- Yikes!"  
  
"Tori? Tori?"  
  
The line had gone dead again. Steffi slammed the phone back down in anger.  
  
"Ouch."  
  
Xellos and Steffi stared at the girl's walk-in-robe that Xellos had spent most of the time in before and now appeared to be talking again.  
  
"Tori?"  
  
Sure enough a slim girl with waist length blond hair tied back in a ponytail and large anime blue eyes stepped out rubbing her head where Steffi's junk had proved to fail in a soft landing.  
  
"Steffi? What the hell am I doing here?" She caught sight of Xellos lying on the ground with his staff by his side. "Xellos?" she groaned, "I must have hit my head harder then I thought."  
  
"No, he's really here." Steffi replied.  
  
Tori lifted her hand to her cheek, "Ok this may be cliché way to check, but…" She pinched her cheek softly. "Nope, I'm not dreaming."  
  
Xellos who had been watching the arrival of the new girl in silence, having returned to the bed, remarked at this point.  
  
"Your method seems a bit better then hers." He cocked his head towards Steffi, "She hit herself on the head with a stick."  
  
"Hey! Shut up!" Steffi yelled  
  
"Would anyone mind explaining what is going on here?" Tori interrupted the pair's bickering.  
  
"Uh, I wouldn't mind knowing the same thing." Steffi added fixing her eyes on Xellos again.  
  
"What?" He asked.  
  
"I don't think saying that 'It's a secret' is going to help in this situation." Tori jumped in before the Mazoku could answer in his trademark. Xellos smiled at her and lifted one of his fingers to his nose and waggled it at the slightly peeved girls.  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu" He winked.  
  
"Ah you stupid crazy pervert of a henti!" Steffi yelled, "And will you get off my bed!"  
  
"What? I haven't done anything, yet." His smile having lengthened  
  
"What do you mean yet!?!"  
  
"Oh great, this is really helping." Tori folded her arms and lent against the wall.  
  
"Oh my, I think I am sensing a Zelgadis here, in female form too." Xellos' eyes lit up.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Tori yelled dashing into the walk-in-robe with great haste, staring up at the roof. "Take me back! Take me back! Get me away from this henti!"  
  
"Well she seems to be taking the fact that we are all trapped here with no food or hygiene measures, and in anime form really well." Steffi mused.  
  
"Anime?" Tori stepped back out of the walk-in-robe. As Steffi had done her instinct was to look at her hand then rush over to the mirror. "Hey I don't look too bad as an anime character." She admired  
  
"I agree." Xellos piped up from the bed, enjoying her discomfort.  
  
"I thought you said you weren't a henti?" Steffi asked from her place by the wall at the opposite end of the room, as far as possible she could get from the Trickster Priest.  
  
"Now then, I would have been lying." Xellos winked again.  
  
"Hang on a sec, rewind," Tori looked over at Steffi ignoring the Mazoku, "What do you mean by 'trapped'?"  
  
Steffi moved over toward the door and threw it open, revealing the large amount of nothing again. "That's what I mean by trapped."  
  
Xellos, who had every so sneakily crept up behind the pair, a soft toy in hand, peered over their shoulders.  
  
"Well there's one way to find out." He said freaking the hell out of the two girls, Tori's arms performing windmills as she tried to regain her balance. It was Steffi's hand on the back of her collar that was keeping her from falling.  
  
All three ended up on the floor in pile on top of each other. Tori pushed her self off from the top, her head enlarged in that anime style rage.  
  
"You crazy namagumi of a fool! What exactly did you have in mind creeping up like that!" She yelled at Xellos along with a couple of very un-lady like words, concerning a farm animal and its refuse, that could not be repeated here incase some little innocent child happened to stumble across this story.  
  
(Narrator is annoyed at the sudden long sentence, but likes its usage ^.^)  
  
Xellos smiled and let the whole thing flow over him without a care, holding up a yellow teddy bear with the word FRIENDSHIP printed across its stomach.  
  
"I didn't mean for you to fall through, I meant for this." He reassured, although his facial expression didn't help in the least. A groan from under him wiped the smile from his face rather quickly.  
  
"Steffi?" Tori looked down at her friend in concern.  
  
"Oh my dear, it appears the Lina double is about to go off again." Xellos was frozen to the spot, a hand behind his head again, sitting right on top of Steffi. The girl groaned again, opened her eyes, blinked, waited a second for everything to sink in, then groaned again. In a matter of a split second what had sunken in was processed and the first thing to be delivered was that something was on top of her, which happened to ware the black cloak that dangled in front of her face.  
  
Like a bomb having gone off Xellos was flipped over at the sudden movement of Steffi leaping up, her head enlarged to a size to challenge what Tori's had been, shouting all kinds of insults also un appropriate to write down.  
  
(Anyone who would like to know what those words are, then lets just say you are sick -.-*cough cough* It's the plague of the long sentences back again!!! *a long and strained 'noooo' and an unexpected pointless evil laugh* had to get one in sometime ^.^ )  
  
Tori feeling to be the voice of reason after experiencing Steffi perform in a manner that she did not think possible for the daughter of a Math teacher, cut in. "Can't we all just calm down a bit?"  
  
"Calm!" yelled Steffi from her position of standing over a rather abashed Mazoku. "I am bloody well calm!"  
  
Tori and Xellos sweat dropped. Steffi noticed and burst out in fits of giggles, pointing at Tori. "You should see yourself!" she managed through gasps of air, "You sweat dropped at the same time!"  
  
By now Steffi's anime eyes were beginning to well up with tears of laughter. Tori's face had moved from a picture of worry to an almost frightened, skeptical, annoyed look, managing to show all signs of expression. "You've been having a lot of mood swings lately."  
  
"Well it is that time of the month." Xellos' unwelcome voice popped up having been held back by a tidal wave of insults. Tori turned to him in surprise.  
  
"How do you know that?" She was giving him a look that would have sent any descent person into stammers of excuses. But Xellos, having regained much of his old charisma with Steffi sidetracked, was no decent person.  
  
"Now that's a secret." This sort of trademark line could have passed if it weren't for the wink he gave Steffi. Tori looked revolted.  
  
Before anyone could have gotten in another word, action or duck for cover, Steffi grabbed the music stand which was sitting near by, and swung it up above her head dislodging a stuffed kola whom had taken residence on the stand.  
  
"At least you could have kept that to yourself!" She yelled and banished the music stand throwing sheets of 'An English Country Garden' about the room.  
  
"Just what were you two doing before I came in?" Tori managed in a disgusted voice.  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu." Managed Xellos, but the next second had to lift his staff in time to intercept the music stand. "You have to be better then that."  
  
Steffi yelled out in rage and swung again. Tori leant against the wall again in an attempt to ignore the twos petty fighting. "The calm. The peace and tranquility."  
  
(I think I am beginning to enjoy this myself. *evil laugh* Ah Xellos rubs off on all of us. I, the Narrator am the worst ^.-)  
  
In a fight to fallow with Xellos barley lifting a finger, Steffi getting more upset by the minuet and Tori off in some peaceful dreamland, which after a while began to show side effects. "I'm not here. I'm off in my Happy Place." Her voice sounding strained and stoned. A staff to the shoulder soon brought her out of it. "Oww! Take your stupid fight someplace else!"  
  
"And where do you suggest that might be?" Steffi asked, pausing a minute to lean against the upturned music stand. Xellos was lying on the ground appearing disturbingly calm and right at home. Tori, now feeling her own spark of rage, leapt toward him. Xellos, who's mind was always on other thoughts when looking at a Zelgadis-alike was expecting her to attack him, and was looking forward to it. But was in for a terrible shock. "My staff!!!!!!" He was then reduced to unexplainable mutterings and gasps. Tori had proceeded to snatch up the long wooden stick and throw it out the door. Even Steffi was shocked.  
  
"Go fetch." Was all the girl had to say on the matter of her actions. Steffi was looking at Xellos with her head on the side.  
  
"I have never seen him without his staff before." She mused, "He looks but half complete." Her own music stand was lying on the floor now long forgotten.  
  
"How would you like it if I threw your arm out the door." Xellos asked. (This was not a question to take lightly, especially when coming from a Mazuko, with their eyes open and fixed on you. ^.^)  
  
Tori's face which had lasted in a pleased look for only a second now looked around desperately. Without thinking she grabbed Steffi by the arm and held her in front.  
  
"Yikes! Hay, go take your fight someplace else." The girl accused Tori and Mazuko, but words began to die in her mouth at the look on Xellos's face. "On second thoughts, carry on. I'll just be over here." She lent back to whisper in Tori's ear. "Good luck."  
  
Tori's face had produced lines of what one could guess was sweat and her face had began going blue. From no where she produced a sign that read YIKES!, but did not lesson her grip on Steffi's arm.  
  
"Oh my, looks like we made a mistake." Xellos said turning side on in a crouch which could only be a positioning for pouncing or casting a very dangerous spell.  
  
"You know if this wasn't happening to us…it could be funny." Steffi pointed out in a last attempt of humor.  
  
"Well it is bloody happing to us!" Tori's yell nearly burst Steffi's eardrum been so close.  
  
"Great going Tori. You get one of the most powerful Mazuko in the Slayers world mad at you." Steffi whispered, "No, rephrase that. You have gotten the most powerful Mazuko totally pissed off at you. In fact, I think he is ready to commit murder."  
  
There is a tense scene to follow when a camera should be panning around the three showing the distance, expressions and the deadly calm of Xellos.  
  
(I, the Narrator, have suddenly discovered business else where of great importance and are going to be the evil little thing that I am and leave you all in suspense. *evil laugh held longer then physically possible* Now for my lovely cliché: Will Tori survive the Mazuko's wrath, Will Xellos regain his staff? And will Steffi ever get to go the toilet. Has she already gone to the toilet? Tune in sometime when I get around to the next one, for I am a big fan of suspense, for the rest of my wonderful story.) 


	3. Follow That Staff

1 Follow that Staff  
  
(Well, you couldn't stand the suspense, eh? *evil laugh which receives only disbelieving looks* I, the great Narrator, am the only one who can cure you of your need for more. As I remember it the last we left Steffi's bedroom things were getting rather heated, although in two cases are about to be dead cold *weird noise that resembles an evil laugh tried to be held under restraint followed by a series of coughs to discise it* Fine then, on with the tale.)  
  
Steffi Anderson was not in the least bit comfortable. That could have something to do with the death grip that held her arm, or maybe the fact that she was confronting a murderous Mazoku, minus one staff. If matters could be made worse, they were. This particular Mazoku happened to be none other then Xellos who had wiped out a large number of the dragon race with the slightest of ease. And just to make it unfair, she wasn't the reason for his rage.  
  
Her friend Tori was the reason of his rage, and also why Steffi couldn't move out of the way and why her right arm held no felling.  
  
"Next time you feel the need to piss someone off, check how many people they have killed before hand. And whether or not they enjoyed it!" Steffi called back to her friend.  
  
"I was caught up in the moment." She defended.  
  
"Well then," Xellos' cynical voice said, "catch this." His hands began to form a ball as he drew on power.  
  
"Oh Shit!" Tori screemed, "what the hell did I do to deserve this?"  
  
"Just think for a second baka." Steffi hissed.  
  
('Baka', by the way means idiot! *holds up her hand in intelligence* See, I know a thing or too. Also 'kisama' means basted and…Oh never mind..)  
  
"I don't know why he is getting so upset!" Tori wailed, "People were always beating him up in the series and he never did this!"  
  
Steffi sighed and tried her best to control her cool. It failed. "Yes, well I guess he was pretty attached to THAT PART OF HIS BODY!!!"  
  
"Lets see how you handle loosing part of your body." Xellos interrupted.  
  
"Oh Shit!"  
  
"Is that all you can say!" Steffi yelled, "I've had enough of this." She managed to duplicate Lina's stance as much as she could since her right arm still was not free. "Darkness beyond twilight, Crimson beyond blood that flows, Buried within the flow of time-"  
  
Both Tori and Xellos sweat dropped. The Mazoku appeared to have forgotten about his spell. Tori released her grip on Steffi.  
  
"She knows the Dragon Slave!?!" He exclaimed. Steffi stopped mid sentence and produced a peace sign.  
  
"Nope, fooled you though."  
  
Both human and Mazoku facefold. Steffi took a step to the left, rubbing her arm to try and bring life back into it. "But if you are that strong Tori," She said holding her arm up, then letting it flop back down lifelessly, "You should have tried taking him on yourself."  
  
"What are you? Nuts!" Tori yelled leaping back into a standing position. She then put on a smug face and leant against the nearest wall, holding Steffi's stuffed koala in hand. "At least I didn't get you to impersonate this little guy."  
  
"That I can be thankful for."  
  
"Ahem!" A rather neglected feeling Mazoku sounded.  
  
"Oh right, forgot about you." Steffi mumbled.  
  
"Forgot about him! How the hell could you forget about him? What are you, Goury?" Tori took hold Steffi's front.  
  
"Now who's having mood swings?"  
  
"He is trying to kill us! Or did you miss out on that minor detail?" Tori questioned.  
  
"Correction," Steffi smiled, "he is trying to kill you." She pushed herself out of her grasp. And not a moment too soon.  
  
A ball of pure energy hurtled itself across the room catching Tori in the stomach. She was thrown back out of the door. The door that was left open. The door that led to nowhere.  
  
(It was dragging on too long. In fact its resemblance to a DBZ episode is disturbing. Besides, I like Xellos with the upper hand ^.^ (notice the absence of an evil laugh))  
  
"Tori!" Steffi screamed as her friend vanished. She stood in the doorway, hands holding onto the frame in shock. Somewhere the annoying little voice at the back of her mind reminded her that she had school tomorrow. Bad timing.  
  
"Well, that's got her out of the way." The voice of a true basted of a weasel intruded her sensation of a lost form of shock.  
  
Steffi turned.  
  
She saw Xellos.  
  
Their eyes met.  
  
It was far from love at first sight.  
  
"You are going to regret that." Her voice was tight but still shook.  
  
"Really?" Xellos grinned.  
  
"Yes. Do you know why?" She continued in that tight voice. Suddenly the air was full of roses and love hearts and bright colours to dazzle ones eye. "Because life is wonderful! It's fantastic! Just the thought of the sun rising each day and the birds singing-"  
  
"You ripped that off Amelia." Xellos struggled from his position on the floor, withering about to try and shut out the deadly words of happiness.  
  
"I know, ain't it cute?"  
  
"Far from it."  
  
"Now where was I?" Steffi paused for a second, "Ah what the hell, I'll just make it up." She retook her position standing on the bed and the flowers and hearts once more intrude the air. "Life is the gift of God, even if that ain't your religion, and to take another's life is unjust. Evil doers of this bedroom shall perish…what the hell. This is making me sick." She jumped down and looked pitifully at Xellos. She gave him a good kick in the stomach.  
  
"Ah," He groaned, "Could you do that again, only a little harder."  
  
Steffi sgihed. She put down a rough hand and pulled him to his feet. "You stupid idiot." She grumbled and shoved the Mazoku in front of her. "Now it is time to follow your own staff." She gave him a hard push out the door. "As Tori said, go fetch."  
  
"Not without you." A hand grabbed her by the ankle and yanked off her feet. And out the door….  
  
(Now I could be me and stop right now. *evil laugh* I don't care what you think of my evil laughs! If you dislike them then I will stop right now. *pouts* I hate it when I get the better of me. Fine, on with the show. What will happen to Tori, Steffi and our beloved Xellos now that they do not exist, theoretically speaking, Well THIS time you don't have the anguish of waiting. So if you want to know, read on.)  
  
Zelgadis Greywords was in the middle of his nightly routine nightmare when he was awakened by a loud scream. And a thump. Followed by another thump. A thud. A groan that distinguished the object as living.  
  
He sat up and stared toward his closet. He had experienced a number of nightly intrusions but this had to be the stupidest. Who the hell intrudes through a closet?  
  
Slowly, so as not to make a sound he took grasp of the hilt of his sword.  
  
"Internal organs…Ow." A distinctly female voice spoke from within the closet. Before he had a chance to protect his dignity, the closet toppled over, depositing its occupant at his feet.  
  
A girl with long blond hair tied back in a ponytail, large blue eyes and warring the strangest outfit he had ever seen was crumpled over on the floor clutching her stomach.  
  
(I could not but notice that these stupid annoying idiotic namagumi long sentences have returned with vengeance *a long strained 'ah' which the audience is becoming used to its inability to remain within a logical time limit* I have just proven myself corrected.)  
  
The girl looked at his feet.  
  
Paused.  
  
Looked up at his chest.  
  
Paused.  
  
Looked at his face.  
  
Blushed.  
  
As did he.  
  
Quickly Zelgadis turned around and becoming consciences yanked his shirt back on.  
  
"I'm sorry." The girl said. "I didn't mean too. I mean, your…uh."  
  
"You can go now." He said not wishing to turn and face her again.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"You said that."  
  
"I know, I just thought it needed repeating." She said, then quickly added, "I tend to babble when I'm embarrassed. Ow" She winced at the pain of trying to stand. Zelgadis was aware of blushing again, but turned around anyway. Something must have hit her hard in the stomach for she clasped it in unmistakable pain.  
  
"How did you do that?"  
  
"Er, I kind of got the wrong person pissed off at me." She managed to make it to her feet. Both blushed, then sweat dropped. "I'll go now."  
  
Somehow she made it out through the door leaving Zelgadis in complete shock.  
  
Meanwhile, not too far away at all, Xellos landed headfirst into a hard wooden floor. Steffi followed, landing on top of him. The world toppled over and both were thrown from a closet.  
  
Fortunately this room was empty for the explosion Steffi gave realizing again that for the second time Xellos was far too close for comfort. After exhausting herself she took the liberty of looking at their surroundings.  
  
"Ah, where are we?" She asked. Xellos smiled in a way that Steffi had long since forgotten.  
  
"Sore wa himitsu desu."  
  
"Oh don't start that again!" She warned, "Besides, you are still minus one staff. And I think I have got some really good happy speeches this time."  
  
The smile fled and was replaced by a look of worry. For about half a second. Then the smile was back rather disturbingly.  
  
"Yes," he said, "That would be so. My, my it has been a while. Now if you'll excuse me." And with that he got up and exited the room. Steffi followed after a second's pause.  
  
She found herself standing in the hallway of an inn. Xellos, she noticed walked straight into the room across the way, without bother for the decency of the couple within. Somewhere up the hall a door opened. Then closed.  
  
Tori came dragging herself down the hall towards her. A hand clutched her stomach.  
  
"It hurts, but I'm happy." She said adopting the voice a fan would get at their hero's concert.  
  
"What? Tori? Are you Ok? Can you hear me? Where are we?" Steffi continued to ask questions. Tori looked up at Steffi with a crazy grin on her face.  
  
"I saw Zelgadis without his shirt on." She chanted.  
  
"WHAT!?!!!!" Steffi exclaimed. Somehow it made things fall in place. They had been transported to the Slayer's world and Tori had gotten to see what every female fan dreamed of. It was not fair.  
  
"Slap me now. Giggling hurts too much." She broke into hysterical giggles. Steffi for some reason felt good about slapping her. "Thank you. Ow, that hurt. Ow, this hurts. Ow, I hurt." She then proceeded to fall to the ground. "I sounded like a real idiot just then, didn't I?"  
  
Steffi nodded.  
  
"Damn it. And I wanted him to think I was intellectual."  
  
"You sound as though you're dying." Steffi said.  
  
"Yeah, I am because of stupid fruitcake!" Tori managed a half yell, "By the way where is he?"  
  
"Good news!" Xellos interrupted them, ignoring the half-dressed man who was throwing his shoe at him. "I have my staff back!"  
  
Neither Steffi or Tori were impressed.  
  
"I'm so happy for you." Tori hissed.  
  
"Oh my, aren't we a sorry little thing." Xellos tormented her.  
  
"Not in the least." She tried to stand up, but failed. "You deserved that and everything else I am going to give you once I come back to life."  
  
Xellos looked disbelieving. "Uh Tori," Steffi whispered, "You don't come back to life."  
  
"I know that, I just wanted to say that line!"  
  
"Well," Xellos remarked, "If you feel that way, there is plenty more where that first one came from."  
  
But before he could carry out this threat, the door from which Tori had appeared opened. Zelgadis stared at the group. Tori finally collapsed.  
  
(So now are you happy? I bet you didn't see that coming, eh? Didn't think they would make it to the Slayer's world, and I would reveal Zelgadis once more with no shirt. Yes, well I get to do what ever I want because I'm the great Narrator. *laughs maniacal* See, I have a range of laughs. Anyways, now that I have dragged Zelgadis into this mess, and fearful Xellos has regained the rest of his body and Tori is dying from internal bleeding and Steffi is standing around like a goose. What will happen to the four?) 


	4. Through The Void

1 Through the void  
  
(Well here I am once more *evil laugh that bounces off every wall in sight* Ok, I'm feeling less talkative this time round. By the way, for those who have forgotten I am the one and only great Narrator! There was my burst of excitement. Strange really, since such unpleasantness are expected. Hmm, I've invented my own grammar. Righty 'o then, for those who need reminding: Read. )  
  
"XELLOS!"  
  
Zelgadiss was standing dumbstruck in the doorway to his room, sword still in hand but long forgotten. Piku. Xellos looked up at him through closed eyes. And smiled.  
  
Zelgadiss was rather shocked to find the Trickster Priest in his face without having covered the distance between.  
  
"Oh hi Zelly-chan. Fancy meeting you here." He grinned.  
  
"Get away from me fruitcake." Zelgadiss hissed and attempted to land him one, but the Mazoku teleported his face out of the way. Xellos put on a hurt expression.  
  
"I was only trying to be nice."  
  
"Well don't."  
  
"Hello?" Steffi's voice sounded down the hall, "Dying person here! Boys, I mean boy and it! A little help would be nice."  
  
Xellos grinned and pointed a finger at Zelgadiss. "Ha! She called you an it!" The chimera hunched his shoulders, trying to use his shirt as a hood. Steffi noticed and hurried to explain.  
  
"No I didn't mean you, Zelgadis, I meant that kisama!" She cursed, "How am I supposed to know if monsters even have genders!"  
  
Xellos duplicated his hurt look again. "Hey, I resent that."  
  
"Yeah well suffer." She hissed, "And back to my original topic, Tori is sort of dying here!!!"  
  
Zelgadiss looked at the blond girl on the ground and recognized her as the closet intruder. The one who had 'pissed off the wrong person'. Xellos, naturally, got back to her first.  
  
"Yes, I forgot about Ms Greywords here." He laughed, "Oh my, she is getting it bad."  
  
"All thanks to you, you stupid namagumi!" Steffi yelled and made a go for Xellos. Again he teleported to safety. "Damn! And now you can bugger off!"  
  
"Excuse me?" Zelgadiss interrupted their fighting. Something about it showed that this was an old battle. "Ms Greywords? What?" He blushed and sweat dropped at the same time.  
  
"No time to explain. Can you help her?" Steffi asked kneeling down. Xellos pouted. He had been enjoying the fight. Zelgadiss also knelt down and took a look at her.  
  
"How did this happen?" he asked.  
  
"Well she sortta pissed off Mr. Fruitcake here. And he threw something at her." Steffi explained. Zelgadiss moved his hands to her stomach and blushed.  
  
"I can't look at this." He admitted. "What did he throw at her?"  
  
Xellos, who was feeling neglected again answered. "Not much. Fairly weak spell actually."  
  
Zelgadiss smiled and stood up to face the Mazoku. "You mean to say that this girl here got the better of you?"  
  
Xellos sweat dropped. Placing a hand at the back of his head he smiled again. But no smart-ass remark came. Zelgadis smirked and returned to the girl. "I can't do anything. We will have to find someone here that can." With that he leapt up and ran from room to room trying to find someone with the power. The couple across the hall were not impressed with being interrupted, again.  
  
"You are so going to disserve a happy speech once this is over." Steffi hissed at Xellos, who in returned winked.  
  
"If I'm still here."  
  
"You can't!" She gasped, "Your responsible for this."  
  
"Since when have I ever taken responsibility?"  
  
Steffi thought for half a second, and realized that he was right. From no where she produced a large hammer and hit him on the head. Xellos face fault to the ground. "Oh that felt good." He mumbled.  
  
At that point Zelgadis came running back with a Shrine Maiden. Xellos flipped back to his feat so as not to appear defeated, no matter how much he enjoyed it.  
  
(Ok, for those with Tori withdrawal I have placed a lovely little Shrine Maiden in the inn. Now we can't have all the lovely girls dying because of a fruitcake now can we? I mean, no one will eat another fruitcake due to its resemblance.)  
  
Whilst Tori was receiving treatment from the Shrine Maiden, Steffi and Xellos (not really helping) explained to Zelgadis what had happened. This turned into another fight between Steffi and Xellos as to how annoying he was been. Zelgadis leant against the nearest wall in an attempt to ignore the two's petty bickering. Xellos grinned wickedly.  
  
"I told you she is Ms Greywords." He laughed.  
  
"What?" Zelgadis asked, raising an uncertain eyebrow. Steffi explained.  
  
"That's exactly what Tori did when we were fighting. I mean, it is all his fault anyway and I didn't enjoy it."  
  
"You did so, Ms I'll-Swing-A-Music-Stand-About."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
Fortunately for the historians of World War Three who would have to explain its pathetic start, Tori groaned at that point. The sound was music to Xellos' ears.  
  
"Tori!" Steffi leapt to her friend's side. "Are you ok?"  
  
"No mummy, I don't want to go to school today. I want to stay home and bake cookies with you." Her dreamy voice said.  
  
"She has not regained full consciences." The Shrine Maiden said, standing up.  
  
"That figures." Zelgadis replied.  
  
"Nah, she's always like this." Steffi joked.  
  
"I heard that, Steffi." Tori's voice had regained her usual tone. Xellos smiled and gave a peace sign.  
  
"See," he said, "No harm done." This must have clicked something for before anyone could breathe Tori was on her feat and advancing toward the Mazoku with a death glare.  
  
"You are so…" She pointed an accusing finger at him. Xellos regarded it with closed eyes. "You are so going to wish you were never born, created, whatever."  
  
"Really?" He asked, "Why's that?"  
  
"Because," she paused. To Xellos' eyes deadly flowers and love hearts surrounded the girl. He cringed. "Because life is so wonderful! Thank you so much for bringing us to this marvelous place! You are the most wonderful Mazoku in all the worlds. The world was singing the day you were created."  
  
"Enough already." Zelgadis interrupted.  
  
"Yeah Tori," Steffi sounded disgusted, "you're making me sick."  
  
"I could be keep going all night." She sang. Xelloss meanwhile had once again been reduced to a puddle.  
  
"Make her stop." He groaned, "It's not fair. Two dosages in the one day."  
  
Zelgadis looked at the two girls. "I think you have found a match, Xelloss. And I will love to watch you squirm."  
  
Tori looked toward her favorite. "What's that supposed to mean Zel?" The chimera sweat dropped.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Xellos got up while he could and looked at his wrist watch, which naturally didn't exist "Oh my would you look at the time, I should go see Beast Master before she gets angry with me."  
  
Zelgaids smirked, "What? You hear your mother calling?"  
  
"Or did you leave something in the oven?" Steffi asked. Xelloss stepped over to Zelgadis.  
  
"I leave them in your capable hands." He swept a bow and a hand to take in Steffi and Tori, who at the moment were frozen with shock. It was Tori who came out of it first.  
  
"Oh, I see. Running away eh?" Tori said adopting the Black Knight's voice for the act, "You yellow basted!"  
  
Steffi looked at her in a disbelieving manner. "You ripped that off Monty Python and The Holly Grail."  
  
"So sue me." Tori continued with the act, "Come back here and take what's coming to ya." At this point Steffi could not contain herself any more, thus joined in for the final line. "We'll bight your bloody legs off!" The finished together. Neither Xelloss or Zelgadis appeared impressed.  
  
(Actually, I ask that you don't sue me. I don't own any of the rights to Monty Python, or anything for that matter. That is why it is a 'fanfic', duh.)  
  
Steffi however had gone on a high having resurfaced her Monty Python obsessions. "Your mother was hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."  
  
"Uh, Steffi." Tori interrupted seeing Xelloss, "I don't think it is a good idea to call the Beast Master a hamster."  
  
Steffi poked her face in front of Tori's, "Look who's talking."  
  
"Yeah well I don't think pissing off a Dark Lord is the same as pissing off the most powerful Mazoku."  
  
Xel and Zel were still standing watching the two girls. Zelgadis was bored and wishing to be back in his bed, whilst Xelloss was taking everything in (probably already scheming up some crazy plot). He opened his eyes and grinned at everyone, including the Shrine Maiden who was standing as far back from the group that was possible.  
  
(Yes, you forgot about the Shrine Maiden, didn't you?)  
  
"Oh my, the time is still for me to go. Bye." And with that, Xellos was no more.  
  
The four occupants of the hallway looked at where he had been.  
  
"Namagumi." Steffi cursed.  
  
"Kisama." Tori cursed.  
  
"Damn." Zelgadis remarked.  
  
"Um, I'll be going now." The Shrine Maiden interrupted. "She appears to be fine…Yes…I will be going now."  
  
The girls looked at Zelgadis expectantly.  
  
"Well we are in a totally different universe." Steffi pointed out the obvious.  
  
"And we do need someone to help us." Tori added.  
  
"I swear that I will kill that fruitcake one of these days." Zelgadis pledged.  
  
"Sure Zel, sure. At least you have us terrors to make his life hell." Steffi comforted him. Zelgadis looked at Tori in question.  
  
"Just what did you do to piss him off so much?" He asked. Tori laughed.  
  
"I sort of threw his staff into nothingness." She coincided for a second, "Now that it's over, I can say the look on his face was priceless."  
  
Zelgadis laughed.  
  
(And I'm alive and kicking. So now Xelloss has buggered off, eh? Of course he has! Hell! I wouldn't hang around either except that I'm in charge of all this havoc and enjoying it immensely *evil laugh of pure evilness* It has also come to my attention that I have now changed the spelling of his name. Well I am allowed to because there is no been greater then I! *cough* blasphemy *cough cough* Oooo and those happy speeches are getting on my nerves.) 


	5. Babysitting

1 Babysitting  
  
(Ok, so some smart-ass people have probably noticed that my style has changed. Well I can actually be descriptive. And just to prove it I am going to use long and complicated words. On a different matter, it would appear that Xelloss has truly gone, and Zelgadis is now having to go through with taking care of Steffi and Tori. So what's going to happen? Well you know the drill.)  
  
Zelgadis Greywords hadn't experienced a day as bad as this. Not even been choked and electrocuted at the same time by Kopi Rezo. Or for that matter, the day he agreed to the deal that would trap him in this hideous body for the rest of eternity. Ok, maybe that was an exception. But still, today was bad as far as his social life went.  
  
All he wanted to do was empathate himself from his past and body. But no. That brazen Mazoku had turned up and forced him to surrogate a babysitter.  
  
(Bet you didn't know that I knew those words. Narrator – one, audience – zero. Oh, and if you don't know what those words mean, look them up in the dictionary. I only translate Japanese. Ok, stuff being descriptive. )  
  
Steffi Anderson was tied, thirsty and hungry. And wet. It had been pouring non-stop since they had awoken.  
  
"I'm tied, thirsty, hungry and wet." She complained to Zelgadis, who was leading up front, not in the least bit worried thanks to his demonic part. Tori was only just managing to hold herself upright.  
  
"Ok come on," She said quickening her pace, "This is just like the year nine hiking camp."  
  
"Yeah well my school doesn't put its students through that sort of torture." Steffi reminded, her spirits lifting at been able to have go at someone, "We went to China for five weeks. We stayed in nice comfortable hotels and at our lovely campus in Nanjing. We didn't have to sleep on the hard ground or under a tent on the side of a vertical mountain. We had western toilets. We didn't have to go behind a bush and dig a hole to do our business."  
  
"Yes, and look for who it is paying off." Tori smirked.  
  
"Well I wasn't exactly planning to have Xellos turn up in my wardrobe, and then be transported to a world that I thought was only fiction."  
  
"Will you two shut up." Zelgadis said in a voice that suggested they had better do so. The two girls did fall silent for a second, trudging on behind.  
  
"What's his problem?" Steffi asked under her breath. Tori shrugged.  
  
"I guess getting stuck with us doesn't help his ego." She said.  
  
"I thought you liked him."  
  
"I do." Tori replied then fell silent.  
  
"What's wrong?" Her friend asked.  
  
"I am at conflict with myself, and there is no way to make both sides happy." She looked up dramatically.  
  
"Yeah, well that's what been at conflict with yourself means." Steffi interrupted, but Tori ignored her.  
  
"I love Zel, but I am also a huge supporter of him and Amelia."  
  
Steffi who was concentrating on Tori, didn't notice Zel had stopped until she walked into him.  
  
"Ow, that really hurts." She mumbled rubbing her forehead where it had collided with his back. It also happened to be that same sensitive spot which had received the harsh treatment of a stick in means of discovering reality from dream. In that case, it had been reality.  
  
(Alright, we're not on a history tour here!)  
  
Zelgadis was frozen mid step. His cheeks slowly turning red underneath his blue skin. "Wha-" He stuttered, "What did you say?"  
  
"Er…nothing!" Tori waved the question off.  
  
Steffi leaned over to her. "Smooth." She teased.  
  
"Shut up." Tori grunted through gritted teeth.  
  
The group stood for a moment in an awaked embarrassed silence. It dragged on. And on. And on.  
  
"So…" Tori broke the silence, rocking casually back and forth on her heels, "Zel, where are we going?"  
  
Zelgadis, coming out of his hypnosis state, stuttered for his own answer. "Uh, er, this way." He regained hold of his cool to wonder off. The girls followed him, neither asking more of the chimera.  
  
After an hour of walking, followed by another hour, followed by a dispute between Steffi and the others over the needs of her stomach, followed by Torri joining her side, followed by Zelgadis giving in and stopping in a village for food, followed by a pig out never seen before in anime, followed by Zel leaving halfway through both in disgust and a chance to slip away, followed by the girls catching up, followed by another dispute, followed by nightime, followed by day, followed by night, followed by day…  
  
(Followed by winter, which turned into spring. Spring turned into summer, summer turned into winter. Then winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn. *evil laugh despite their been no reason or no reason to say there was no reason. Now evil laugh has confused itself* Ok, so I'm loosing control on my evil laughs as well as my insanity. Hang on, I am insane, how can I loose my insanity if I am insane. Oh my god! I've gone cross eyed!  
  
Oh right, there was a story to this. So maybe I get carried away. Narrator gone mad, Narrator gone mad, Narrator's gone completely mad!  
  
For those of you who are not accustomed with this add, forget it. Just laugh and no one will get hurt.  
  
*Everyone in the audience nervously laughs, with the exception of those who don't. Disbelieving looks all round*  
  
Fine then. Oh yeah! The story! Tuned out for a bit there. Right, well maybe not as long as I have cared to demonstraight, but lets just say the trio have been together for nearly a week now.)  
  
The days had soon began to run into each other, but many gained names, none of them named after Roman Gods. There was the devastating No Time day when both girls noticed their watches had stopped. (Un) Fortunately nothing overly exciting occurred since both girls managed to grow brains long enough to dismiss the fact as been in another universe. Then there was the infamous Tic-Tac day.  
  
Steffi was walking along once more for the thousandth time since she had landed in the wardrobe in the inn. She was disturbed by clicking noise as they walked. It was coming from the direction of Tori's pocket.  
  
"Just what have you got there?" She inquired.  
  
Tori looked around with a mask on insouciance. "Huh? What?"  
  
"Your pocket" The ever so acute chimera provided, "it's clicking."  
  
Tori tried to maintain her mask, but it was beginning to fall. Before she could come up with some wild story as an excuses, Steffi pounced.  
  
"Hey! I know that clicking!" She yelled, "That's Tic-Tac's! You have Tic- Tacs which you've been hiding from me?!"  
  
"Er…" Tori searched for a brilliant answer, but none came. So she went to the next best thing. She got angry. "I was rationing them! I hardly think one is going to find such sweetness here, or have you forgotten where we are!"  
  
"I know very well where we are!" Steffi yelled in response, "And to think you didn't have the decency to share with me! I'm in craving for our sugar meself!"  
  
"I saw you eating! I was afraid if I shared I would loose a hand!"  
  
"You pigged out too! Besides, I hadn't eaten anything for nearly fourteen hours!"  
  
"I was just eating when we had a chance."  
  
"Yeah well if it weren't for demon boy here we would all have full stomachs." Steffi swung around to accuse him, only to find he was no more. "Hey! Where he go?"  
  
The girls looked at each other.  
  
"No fair! Zelgadis! Wait up!"  
  
"Come on Zelly-chan, we ain't that bad."  
  
"You just called him 'demon boy'."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
And so on.  
  
Then there was the day of I-Spy. By now they trio had been on the road for half the day. Neither Tori or Steffi had had a good nights sleep, and were now suffering from a servear case of boredom, which had resulted in a half hearted game of I-Spy.  
  
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with S." An ever so bored Steffi began.  
  
"The sky."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Great, I spy with my little eye something beginning with T."  
  
"A Tree."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with D."  
  
"Dirt?" Even for boredom this was low.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Ok then," Tori looked around for her next one, "I spy with my little eye something beginning with…B."  
  
"A bush."  
  
"No."  
  
"Branch."  
  
"No."  
  
"Bracken?" Zelgadis asked. He had realized that the best way to deal with people like these was only to join them.  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok, I give up." Steffi stretched, "So, what's the answer?"  
  
"Bandit."  
  
"Right. I spy with my little eye – What!" Bandit!"  
  
Fortunately for the girls Zelgadis was tuned in. Not for the first time did Steffi walk into his back. The trio looked around at the bushes, which had gained a couple of heads.  
  
"An obvious ambush." Zelgadis said. "About a dozen or so."  
  
Steffi leant over to Tori. "Well he's calm."  
  
"Of coarse he's calm, he's always calm. That's why he is so cool."  
  
Despite having to deal with bandits, Zelgadis blushed. Lucky him, no one noticed.  
  
"Well," The leader of the bandit group stated in that typical harsh bad-boy voice. "What have we here, boys? A guy and his harem."  
  
"Answer your own questions why don't ya." Steffi mumbled.  
  
"What! We're not his harem!" Tori blushed. She knew what that word meant. It appeared Steffi did not.  
  
"Er, what's a harem?"  
  
"God! You're as bad as Gourry!" Tori looked at her friend for a sec. "I'll explain when you are older."  
  
"Hey! I'm old enough."  
  
"Will you two shut up!" Zelgadis growled back to them. The bandit group had formed the well-known circle o' death.  
  
"Dragon Slave, Dragon Slave" Steffi began chanting. Tori punched her.  
  
"That may have worked against Xelloss, but I don't think these dopes have a high enough IQ to know what that is."  
  
"Well we could always introduce them."  
  
"And how do you propose we do that?"  
  
"What dose it take to shut you two up!" Zelgadis yelled. The girls subdued a bit.  
  
"I think we pissed him off." Tori said.  
  
"Respect your elders." Steffi replied. Tori was about to denial him been that much older, but thought perhaps she should take his advice and shut up.  
  
(La la la. They are all in trouble.)  
  
The leader of the group, having watched the display of stupidity with interest, decided to take control again.  
  
"Your money or your life." He demanded.  
  
"Oh that was original." Tori mumbled.  
  
"We don't have any money, we're poor." Steffi called out.  
  
"Really?" The bandit asked, "Well then, it looks like it is your life."  
  
Someone from behind grabbed Steffi.  
  
"Hey! Put me down!" She yelled kicking wildly, but been in a position where they hit nothing but air. Tori, however had better aim, kicking a rather sensitive area bellow the belt. The bandit screamed, releasing Steffi.  
  
"Looks like he will be singing soprano from now on." Tori admired her handy work.  
  
"So you want to play dirty?" The bandit leader asked.  
  
"Well what do you expect us to do? Lie down and say 'Kill me please. I don't want to live'?" Steffi mimed. The bandit smiled. He raised his sword. It took Steffi a moment to realize that in miming she had adopted the position he wanted.  
  
"Shit."  
  
Suddenly the bandit changed. A quick look of surprise entered his face, but was gone as he fell lifelessly to the ground. Zelgadis had hit him with the backside of his double-edged sword.  
  
"Yay! Go Zel! You rock." Steffi called out in pleasure of having her neck saved.  
  
"Again Steffi, real sensitive." Tori moaned. "Just think before you speak."  
  
Steffi realized the irony of her statement. "Oops."  
  
"Get behind me." Zel ordered.  
  
"What, going to protect your whores?" One of the other bandits snarled, having recovered too quickly from the loss of his hated leader.  
  
"We are not whores!" Steffi yelled. At least this time, she understood.  
  
Zelgadis ignored both. Once the girls were behind him, he raised one hand, palm facing forward.  
  
"Diem Wing!"  
  
The bandits were blown back.  
  
"Yay! Go Zel! You…ah, are the best?" Steffi rephrased her last statement.  
  
Zel blushed.  
  
(Well, so did you like that chapter? Oh? Why wasn't I around that much, well 'That's a secret.' *evil laugh that understands itself completely* Well it would appear that as slow as it maybe occurring, the trio are getting used to one another. It's making me sick. If this keeps up then I'm going to have to take control again.) 


	6. New World

1 New World  
  
(Ow. Pain. All over. Damn Her. *notices audience* er..eh he…So you're back again. Getting hooked, eh? *evil laugh* I have complete control *another evil laugh* I, The Narrator love evil laughs *yet another evil laugh, and another, and another, and another, and one that exceeds the world record, then another* Hmm. So the last chapter was boring? Well s-o-r-r-y but I was off elsewhere. So now I'm back, lets see what chaos is in store *and for seventh time this chat, an evil laugh*)  
  
Steffi Anderson admired herself in the shop window. New outfit, new cloak, new headband, new boots, new belt, in fact new everything visible.  
  
"Hey, don't you just love these shoulder guards?" She asked Tori, who was also admiring herself. Tori was fitting on her headband.  
  
"Now all I need is pointed elf ears." She said dreamily.  
  
"You are obsessed with elves." Steffi said.  
  
"I know."  
  
Zelgadis was sitting on a chair trying not to exist but not really succeeding. Especially when seeing just what the girls had purchased.  
  
"Just where did you get the money for that?" he asked. Both girls froze.  
  
"Well," Tori began, "I managed to trade my jeans. They were pretty interested with the concept of denim. Steffi?"  
  
"Uh? Me?" She paused, "Well I did the same thing."  
  
Zelgadis was watching her with a disturbing calm. Steffi moved to place her hand behind her head, dropping her bag. Her original clothes fell out.  
  
"Nice one." Tori laughed, "I told you it was unjust."  
  
Zelgadis narrowed his eyes. "Unjust?" he felt his money pouch. It was considerably lighter then he last remembered. Steffi sweat dropped and hurriedly backed away. Where she got the idea that she could escape a demon was beyond anyone. "You little bitch!" Zelgadis yelled and lept towards her.  
  
"Yikes!" She called out.  
  
"Steffi, why didn't you just ask?" Tori questioned the girl who was now lying on the ground.  
  
"His fits are made of stone." Steffi groaned.  
  
Tori sighed, "There's a big news flash." She leant down to her friend, "Now you know what it is like."  
  
"Hey!" Steffi complained, "I was the one who got them to help you! Xelloss was the one that attacked."  
  
"Yeah well if you hadn't been fighting in the first place I would never had been inclined to touch that bloody staff."  
  
"Do you two ever stop fighting?" Zelgadis asked back in his I-do-not-exist position.  
  
"You know," Steffi thought picking herself up from the ground, "you wouldn't think we are friends."  
  
(Yes well it would just be boring if they didn't fight. *insert evil laugh here*)  
  
"Right." Zelgadis said in a voice that suggested he believed both belonged to the men in white.  
  
"Any way," Tori said, "We got some weapons so next time we wouldn't be so useless in a fight." She held out her recurve bow and dagger. Steffi held out an identical bow and quarterstaff. As well as her trusty pen knife. Zelgadis was surprised that they had actually done something useful with the money. Then realization hit as he watched Steffi.  
  
"And you plan on carrying both of those." He stated.  
  
Steffi thought for a second. "Oh yeah. Oops."  
  
Tori looked sideways, "Idiot." She shook her head.  
  
"A bow and a staff?" Zelgadiss was muttering to himself trying to make sense out of this idiocy.  
  
"What were you thinking? Any time you want to use one weapon you would have to drop the other." Tori sighed thinking of her friend's habits, "and you would end up leaving it somewhere."  
  
"Hey shut up! Both of you!" Steffi yelled dropping both staff and bow in process.  
  
"Just goes to prove my point." Tori made a victory sign. Steffi hit up the backside of the head. "Ow."  
  
"Incase you haven't noticed, dope, stone boy's walked off again!" Steffi yelled in her ear. Tori frizzled to the ground. "Damn it! Why does he keep having to do that? I guess he really doesn't like us…"  
  
Tori was hunched over and tracing a circle in the dirt with one idol finger.  
  
Tori released the arrow. All three watched its passage through the air. It struck the selected knot in the tree trunk. Which would have been impressive if it weren't for the other ten or so arrows imbedded around it.  
  
"Not bad." Zelgadiss congratulated. Tori gave a victory sign. Steffi, who was watching from sideline and was currently appearing very bug-eyed, took a step forward.  
  
"Ok, my turn." She smiled, dropping her quarter staff. Both Zelgadiss and Tori shared a look.  
  
Steffi took her ready position, notched an arrow, lifted the bow up and drew the string back to cheek. The two spectators shared another look.  
  
"Oh please, please work." Steffi prayed to herself, releasing the arrow. It soared through the air…and landed in a root some five meters in front of her.  
  
(You thought I would make it easy for them? Boring! He he…)  
  
"Interesting." Zelgadiss said almost indifferent.  
  
"Say? You didn't do those archery classes did you?" Tori asked in an attempt to cool her friend down before she had a chance to get heated up. "So don't feel bad."  
  
"I had one lesson in PE!" Steffi yelled throwing her bow down.  
  
"Exactly." Tori pointed out, "And I have been taking lessons for how many months now? And that is no way to treat your bow!"  
  
"Er…sorry." She picked it up and unstrung it, then sat down on a near by and convenient rock. Zelgadiss looked to the over sized stick.  
  
"What about your skills with that thing?"  
  
"Well she did use that music stand against Xelloss…" Tori thought for a second. Zelgadiss rose his eyebrow in question. "Don't ask."  
  
"Don't tell."  
  
"Hey! You got a problem with that?" Steffi interrupted, "It just so happens that I can use a quarter staff." She snatched up the staff and held it in the ready position. "Ha! Take that you stupid tree!" She yelled and began pummeling the unfortunate target tree.  
  
"Well that's good and all," Tori assured, "So long as you are attacking a TREE!"  
  
"Hey, she's got the style almost right." Zelgadiss pointed out. Steffi dropped to her knees panting. "But obviously not fit."  
  
"I say we rest for the night right here." Steffi suggested.  
  
Surprisingly enough, they did settle down there. Zelgadiss took watch, even though it technically was not necessary and nothing the girls said would change his mind. Steffi was lying down by the camp fire that Zel had conjured, while Tori was sitting near by staring into its depth. Suddenly Steffi let out a wail.  
  
"Ah! What is it!" Tori jumped.  
  
"I don't have my teddy bear!" she wailed.  
  
"God! And you had to scream like that!" Tori yelled back, "I thought we were under attack or something."  
  
"Teddy bear?" Zel asked. Steffi blushed heavily.  
  
"Um, nothing." Steffi tried to wave it off. Zelgadiss sighed and returned to his watch. Steffi turned to Tori and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I didn't get a chance to bring my teddy. I never go over night any where without her!"  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it." Tori muttered. "Well you've lasted the last week without her."  
  
"That's because I have been suffering from culture shock! I've been too busy with trying to figure what's what in this crazy world to notice." Steffi cried, "Ah! What about Shadow! My little fluffy-poochie-baby-puppy- boy! Oh yeah, and my parents and that annoying twerp of a brother."  
  
(For those of you who don't know, which is all of you I might add, Shadow is Steffi's dog, a white obidient Samoyds. Oh, and Tori happens to have a gray Husky.)  
  
Tori watched for a second, then also cried out. "Fang! What about Fang!"  
  
"Gee you two care about your families a lot." Zelgadiss noted.  
  
"Don't even get me started on my family." Tori warned. Zel turned his back on them. "Oh yeah, sorry there Zel."  
  
"Real sensitive." Steffi whistled. She made a peace sign. "I always wanted to say that back at you."  
  
Tori also turned away. "Its not like I don't care about mum and dad… its… just…"  
  
"Well between adoptive parents, murderous grandparents and work obsessed fools, I guess we make a great family bunch." Steffi attempted to lighten the scene a bit. It failed. "Say, Zel why don't you tell us where we heading?"  
  
Steffi realized that neither were listening. Tori was walking in one direction, and Zelgadiss in the other. "Well fine then. I'll go sulk about been neglected." And so Steffi headed off in yet another direction.  
  
Thirty minuets latter they were all around the fire again, asleep.  
  
(Who's one for mushy scenes?)  
  
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and it was only five in the morning. Hence, our heroes were asleep, and enjoying it too.  
  
"Oh my, what do we have here?"  
  
Steffi tossed in her sleep. Somewhere in the land between awake and asleep she had a horrible feeling that the voice was genuine and not result of any dream.  
  
"Hmm, all asleep and no guard. I would have thought more of Zelgadiss."  
  
Steffi screwed closed her eyes trying to will herself to be asleep and let it all just be a dream.  
  
"Ah yes, if it isn't my dear music-stand-swinging friend. Steffi, wasn't it?"  
  
This time she could not ignore it. Dreading it with every bone in her body she opened her eyes, to be staring right into a pair of purple eyes at rather close range. Needless to say, she screamed.  
  
Neither Tori or Zel moved. Although while Tori was sprawled out like one usual is when they sleep, Zel was hunched up in a position that resembled a ball with his back to them.  
  
"Good morning!" Xelloss greeted.  
  
"What the *beep* are you doing here?" Steffi exclaimed.  
  
"Why I just happened to be passing by when what should I see-" The Trickster Priest began.  
  
"You don't expect me to believe that, Xelloss?" Steffi asked rubbing her head. Xelloss stood upright looking down at the trio and their ashes that resembled last night's campfire.  
  
"And who do we have here?" He asked inspecting Tori, "I think I remember her, can't think where." He rubbed his chin in thought.  
  
"Oh give me a brake." Steffi slapped her forehead. "Er…ug Tori, now would be a good time to wake up."  
  
Xelloss smiled. "Are you asleep?"  
  
"Yes." Came a rather annoyed and disgruntled reply.  
  
"Ah, then you won't mind me doing this." He bent down and pecked her on the cheek. This brought Tori up in a flash, and with very scarlet cheeks too.  
  
"You little hentai!" She yelled, taking hold of a near by arrow. Unlike Steffi though, she dropped it and rubbed her cheek. "Oh man I got to wash my face now."  
  
"Hey, think of it this way Tori." Steffi pointed out, "There are plenty of fans who would die just to receive that."  
  
Xelloss was standing quite comfortably surveying again.  
  
"Baka ga!?" Tori yelled.  
  
"Er, ii-e!" Steffi replied, then turned to face Xelloss "But while we are on the Japanese, Naze omio kuku ni?"  
  
The Mazoku winked, "Sore wa, himitsu desu."  
  
(Japanese leasson number two…or is it three? Oh well, what the heck. Basicly Tori asked 'Are you stupid' to which Steffi replied with 'No.' She then asked Xelloss 'What are you doing here?' and we all know his answer ^.^)  
  
"But there is one more person not yet awake." Xelloss remarked.  
  
"I don't need waking thank you very much." Zelgadiss assured him sitting up rather reluctantly.  
  
"Oh Zelly, you didn't think I wouldn't notice you all curled up there like a little caterpillar." Xelloss teased.  
  
"A carterpillar?" Tori asked. Xelloss took a step toward Zelgadiss, in the process 'accidentally' trodding on Tori's hand.  
  
"Ow! Just what did you do that for you stupid namagumi?"  
  
"Oh sorry. Didn't see your hand there."  
  
"Sure. Right. What ever you say fruitcake."  
  
Steffi scratched her chin, "I guess he still holds a grudge."  
  
"Enough." Zelgadiss broke their reunion up. "Now Xelloss would you just mind giving us a reason for your presence."  
  
"Not at all Zelly-chan. But I don't think you will like what I have to say." Xelloss smiled.  
  
"Oh the suspense is killing me." Tori groaned.  
  
"Oh do tell. We are all dying to here." Steffi said sarcastically.  
  
"Now that, is a secret!" The Mazoku grinned.  
  
"My bad." Zel admitted.  
  
(Just can't have enough of that Xelloss! So now you ask where the hell is this going? Well now that, and to quote once more, is a secret. Just can't get enough of that Xelloss. Hmm, I think I'm going on a high. I didn't think that was physically possible. Oh dear, I've already given away too many hints this chapter. Er…right! Cliché: So what is Xelloss doing and back? Is Tori homesick? Is Steffi? Will Steffi learn to use a bow? And what about poor Zelgadis? How will he cope? He won't, he won't, he won't *trails off in evil thoughts and teasing, but no evil laughs* ^.-) 


	7. Familiar Faces

Familiar Faces  
  
(Hmm, it has come to my attention that this is no longer within its PG rating. Oh dear…oh well, it'll do the little ones some good to see what the real world is like *evil laugh which reforms itself into a thoughtful murmur* Maybe I might just change it to escape authorities. *realizes that Narrator has suggested she is afraid of authorities* Hey! Leave me only! I am entitled to my opion and it just happens to be that it coincides with the authorities. *audience giving weird looks* Right! On with the story, for those of you still with us)  
  
Steffi Anderson was trying to cook something for breakfast, pack her sleeping bag, juggle her two rather large weapons, and keep from hurting the nearest living thing.  
  
Meanwhile Zelgadiss was sitting on one side of the fire polishing his already shinning sword, while Xelloss was sitting on the other just staring into nothing, as one does when their eyes are closed. The rhythmic thunk of metal hitting wood echoed as Tori practiced with her bow and the unlucky tree again, which by now had more scars then a skateboarder with no experience.  
  
No one was really making conversation.  
  
"Say Xelloss," Steffi asked, "What did Beast Master have to say about your little accident and dimension hoping?"  
  
"I'll bet she was real pissed." Tori hissed releasing another arrow.  
  
"I'd say." Zelgadiss agreed.  
  
Xelloss looked around at them. "Er, as to that…" He placed a hand behind his head. "Um, she wasn't too displeased." His face told otherwise.  
  
"Heh! Knew it!" Tori cried spinning around. An arrow landed centimeters from Xelloss' foot. "She whipped your sorry little ass, didn't she?"  
  
Xelloss was almost annoyed, but was preoccupied with the arrow. "Was she aiming for me just then?"  
  
"That girl has got good aim." Zelgadiss admired. "Unlike someone else."  
  
"Hey! Shut up!" Steffi yelled.  
  
Tori was waving her hand about in the air in a rewind fashion. "Going back to what I said before about Beast Master beating the living heck out of Xelloss here."  
  
Steffi sighed. "You love rubbing it in, don't you?"  
  
"Hey, where there is a wound, just add some salt." Tori winked, "But only if they deserve it, otherwise it would be unjust."  
  
Xelloss sweat dropped. "Ah, I forgot about her flower speeches." He twitched. Tori's eyes narrowed, but went back to shooting arrows at the tree.  
  
"Right then, after all that, breakfast is ready." Steffi announced. "But it's all vegetarian, since I am."  
  
Xelloss happily took a bowl, as did Steffi and Zelgadiss. Tori was left staring into the depths of her unidentified vegetable stew, supposedly. But she complied to picking out the pieces she could identify as edible rather then complaining. After all, cooking was her least favorite thing in the world next to Xelloss for the time been.  
  
"So, can we get back to you getting beaten up, Xel?" Tori continued. Xelloss ticked again. "What did she say? 'What were you thinking?' 'Think of all the trouble they could cause?' 'How could you screw up?' 'What are we going to do with them?' 'You worthless piece of censored!'?"  
  
Xelloss opened one eye. "Oh I see your game. You won't be getting information out of me that way."  
  
"Damn!"  
  
Zelgadiss sighed, "So we are to assume that you are here on some little orders that involve twisting us about, right?"  
  
"Now why do you say that Zelgadiss?" Xelloss grinned.  
  
"Don't get me started." He groaned.  
  
Xelloss was about to make another crude remark when an odd feeling cut him off at his side. He looked down. Tori's hand was sneaking into the bag he kept slung over his shoulder. She noticed him looking and quickly withdrew it. Xelloss caught her wrist though, his eyes opening in a narrow glare.  
  
"What were you doing?" He asked in a similar voice he had used when attacking her in the bedroom. Tori gulped.  
  
"I was just trying to find out what you actually keep in there." She replied with a small smile on her face. Xelloss' eyes narrowed further.  
  
(Obviously no one is allowed to know what's in the bag. Mr. Secrets has been seeing to that ^.^)  
  
"In any case," Zelgadis cut in to Tori's rescue, "I say we might as well get going before he has a chance to make any suggestions."  
  
"Yeah or put stupid collars on us all." Steffi mused, "Say, was watching over us your orders or your punishment?"  
  
"Or was it both?" Tori implied. Xelloss rose a worried eyebrow. Zelgadiss smiled, standing up with his sheathed sword in his hand.  
  
"Lets go then." He said buckling the sword to his belt.  
  
"Hey! Wait for me!" Steffi cried juggling her weapons. "I think I nearly got it here." She slung the quiver over one shoulder, the bow over another, and held the staff in a free hand. "Ha! Dare to face me now?"  
  
"What about your sleeping bag?" Tori asked.  
  
"Damn!"  
  
~  
  
Sometime later on the road to where ever it is that they were going, with Steffi having organized her belongings, boredom was taking over again. This time it was not eye-spy, but telling jokes. Which might not have been the best thing anyway.  
  
"TV and Antenna got married." Tori began, "The wedding wasn't that good, but the reception was great."  
  
"I don't get it." Zel admitted.  
  
"Hmm, me neither." Xel agreed.  
  
"I do," Steffi piped up, "but it ain't funny."  
  
"Fine." Tori said at the lack of laughter. Actually she thought it was also rather lame, "Here is another one: A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender 'Do you sell grapes?' to which the bartender replies no. The next day the same guy walks into the same bar and asks 'Do you sell grapes?' to which the bartender replies, 'I already told you, no.' The next day the same guy walks in again and stands in the same spot and asks the same question, 'Do you sell grapes?' to which the bartender replies 'look, mate, I told you yesterday and the day before, we do not sell grapes.' Again the next day the same guy waring the same thing stops in the same spot and asks the same question, 'Do you sell grapes?' This time the bartender grabs him by the collar and says 'I've told you again and again. We do not sell grapes. And if you come in here again asking if we do I'll personally nail your feet to the ground.' The next day the very same guy walks into the bar and asks 'Do you sell nails?' to which the bartender replies 'No'. 'Oh', says the guy, 'Then do you sell grapes?'"  
  
Xelloss grinned and Steffi cracked up.  
  
"See," Tori said, "That one was better."  
  
"Ok, I got one." Steffi smiled, "This is for you Xelloss."  
  
"Oh? Really?" The Trickster Priest asked.  
  
"Ok then, there was this guy who wanted to stay at this inn. He asked if they had a room available, which they did but he was instructed not to ask what the noise in the night was. Naturally, that night he hears a strange noise and so asks about it the next morning. But he is told that they can not tell him since he is not a monk.  
  
"So he went to a monastery and trained for six years before returning. He then asks again 'What is that noise in the night?' The innkeeper says he will show him, so grabs a pair of keys and unlocks the door to the cellar. Inside is a staircase leading down. They start their way down.  
  
"After forty days and forty nights they finally come to a door at the bottom. Its locked. 'Damn.' The innkeeper curses, 'I left the keys behind.'  
  
"So they travel forty days and forty nights back up the stairs to get the keys then travel forty days and forty nights back down the stairs and open the door. On the other side is a desert. They travel forty days and forty nights across the desert only to find another door. Again it is locked. 'Damn.' The innkeeper curses, 'I left the keys behind.' So they travel forty days and forty nights back across the desert, forty days and forty nights back up the stairs, to collect the keys. Then travel forty days and forty nights back down the stairs, forty days and forty nights back across the desert and unlock the door. Inside is a large lagoon with a rowing boat. So they travel forty days and forty nights across the lagoon-"  
  
"Quite it with the forty days and forty nights already!" Tori interrupted. "It's really starting to piss me off!"  
  
Steffi just smiled in an annoying way, too much like Xelloss in fact for Tori's comfort. "To find a door. But this too is locked." Steffi continued still grinning crazily, " 'Damn,' The innkeeper curses, 'I left the keys behind.'"  
  
"I have a feeling this is going to take a while." Zelgadiss sighed.  
  
"So they travel forty days and forty nights back across the lagoon, forty days and forty nights back across the desert, forty days and forty nights up the stairs, to collect the keys. Then forty days and forty nights back down the stairs, forty days and forty nights back across the desert, forty days and forty nights back across the lagoon and unlock the door. On the other side is a jungle."  
  
At this point Tori's tolerance had reached its limit. She lashed out at her friend, but her arm hit wood instead. The wood of Xelloss' staff. He had protected Steffi. "Ooo damn it." Tori cursed, "Hey! It's not like she hasn't attacked you as well."  
  
"I am intrigued as to where this is leading." The Mazoku explained.  
  
"Since when did monsters have a sense of humor?" Tori muttered.  
  
"Oh they have a sense of humor alright." Zel confirmed with a shudder.  
  
"So they travel forty days and forty nights across the jungle only to find another locked door." Steffi started up again.  
  
"Let me guess." Tori said her voice thick with sarcasm, " 'Damn,' The innkeeper cursed, 'I left the keys behind.'"  
  
Steffi winked. Everyone joined in with varying degrees of enthusiasm, "So they traveled forty days and forty nights back across the jungle, forty days and forty nights back across the lagoon, forty days and forty nights back across the desert, forty days and forty nights back up the stairs, to collect the keys. Then forty days and forty nights back down the stairs, forty days and forty nights back across the desert, forty days and forty nights across the lagoon, forty days and forty nights across the jungle," At this point the other three dropped out to allow Steffi to continue alone, "to unlock the door. They opened it then found out what was making the noise."  
  
She stopped suddenly.  
  
"Which is?" Tori encouraged.  
  
"A secret!" Xelloss finished.  
  
"Yup," Steffi laughed, "I can't tell you because you're not a monk!"  
  
(Now that is my kind of joke ^.-)  
  
Zelgadiss groaned, "Good going. He's going to be telling that one all the time now."  
  
But that was the end of the line for Tori. She was just about notch an arrow and aim it at her friend when Zelgadiss spoke again.  
  
"Ah! We are here." He stopped. Yet again Steffi walked into his back, which was rather like walking into a brick wall with the whole stone thing and all. She peered around him to look at the gates they stood outside of.  
  
"Saillune?!" The two girls exclaimed simultaneously.  
  
(Like no one saw that one coming…what the hell! I just bagged myself?! Um, er, uh *becomes aware of the audience's looks so gives off an evil laugh as cover up* Yes of course! That was my plan all along and those fools are falling into my trap. Now um, if you'll excuse me I have to go tie up some loose ends *disappears muttering something about given the characters too much leeway*)  
  
"Aww." Steffi sighed, her eyes going all round and puppy style, "Come to see your Amelia, eh Zelly-boy?"  
  
"Oh quit teasing him." Tori said.  
  
Xelloss looked up at the wall. "Hmm, oh my. I'm not too welcome here."  
  
"You're not too welcome anywhere." Zelgadiss mumbled.  
  
"So, you disappearing off again?" Steffi inquired, not been able to keep the odd note of hope out of her voice.  
  
Xelloss grinned. "Nope."  
  
"Damn." Tori sighed. "I was looking forward to a holiday from fruitcake here."  
  
Xelloss put on his hurt look. "But I haven't even been here a day yet."  
  
"Really?" Tori asked, "It seems so much longer."  
  
"And," added Xelloss, "we haven't had any fun yet." He winked.  
  
Tori sighed and looked depressed. "Somebody kill him. Please?"  
  
"Are we just going to stand here all day?" Zelgadis asked. He shook his head and started for the gates to the grand white magic capital. Steffi followed quickly.  
  
"You know Zelgadis, I think you have developed a liking for sarcasm." She said.  
  
As they entered the gates of Saillune the girls noticed just how big it really was.  
  
Tori was bumped sideways. "You know, I think we should keep together. We could easily get lost in here." She looked around expecting to see Steffi and the others behind her. They were nowhere to be seen. "Guys? Oh crap!"  
  
"Over here baka!" Steffi called from up ahead. Tori jogged to keep up. "You know, I never realized just how big Saillune really is. Not even all those aerial shots could show its size."  
  
Zelgadis was leading the way through the crowd towards the palace. Steffi noticed that Xelloss' navigation through the people was remarkable given the fact his eyes were closed. She was busy trying to keep the two guys in view that she didn't notice the trouble Tori was suffering.  
  
Something grabbed hold of the girl's long blond ponytail.  
  
"Yikes!"  
  
That something revealed itself into a hand. The hand of a mugger. With a couple of other mugger friends.  
  
"Oh crap!" Tori swore again. "Bandits outside the walls and muggers inside. And I'm penniless!" She wailed.  
  
The guy who held her head grinned, revealing a set of yellow teeth where they still existed. "Money ain't what we're after, girly." He whispered in her ear.  
  
A certain four letter word beginning with 'r' and ending in 'ape' flashed through Tori's mind. "Oh shit."  
  
Meanwhile, Steffi had only just come to realize the absence of her friend.  
  
"Wait!" She called up to Xel and Zel, "We lost Tori again!"  
  
"Can't that girl keep out of trouble for one minuet?" Zel asked. He looked around at the crowd. No blond haired girl in sight. He sighed, "Obviously not. Ok, let's look for her."  
  
Xelloss was also looking around, through closed eyes.  
  
"Open your eyes, idiot!" Steffi yelled, "It might just help you a bit."  
  
Xelloss turned his head towards her, a thoughtful expression on his face, then disappeared into the crowd.  
  
One man held Tori around the waist, pinning her arms to her side. Her legs however were free and she was making good use of this fact, kicking wildly.  
  
(hmm…perhaps this is just a little too evil for her…oh well. ^.^)  
  
The other two were pretty batted and bruised due to the work of her boots. "I thought this was a holy city!" She yelled lashing out again. A figure in the shadows was watching. "Xellos!" She called in relief.  
  
The figure stepped into the sunlight revealing itself to indeed be the Trickster Priest.  
  
"You going to just stand there or are you going to help?" She accused. The muggers paused to face Xelloss. The Mazoku smiled weakly.  
  
"Eh he, you see to intervene would be to disregard my orders." He explained, keeping his distance.  
  
"So you're not going to help."  
  
"In other words, yes, I'm not."  
  
Tori paused for a second. "You're dead." She promised.  
  
There was a clattering of hooves and a thunder of noise as the city watch appeared from nowhere, mounted on fine steeds. Leading the way however was a certain black haired princess.  
  
(No prize for guessing who the princess is. So, what new adventures are install for the girls here in Salliune, other then the risk of loosing their virginity. I don't think that word is allowed here. Oh well. I think this is the longest chapter to date. Feel proud, you have read my longest chapter. Hmm, Narrator suffering from lack of sleep even though Narrator don't sleep. Too tied to do an evil laugh so feel relieved *evil laugh* just goes to show that not everything you read is true) 


End file.

Slayers, Humor, Parody