Slayers Slayers Morning

Morning. Zel hated mornings. At least, before he had coffee. Once the coffee was down, really, everything else was immaterial. Until the coffee ran out. Then he hated mornings again. It didn't help that Amelia was a certified morning person. When traveling with Lina and Gourry, missing breakfast was not an option. If they were forced, they simply ate your share of lunch, dinner, and afternoon tea. It only took one or two close calls to have the entire company agree on stopping for every meal, and sometimes in-between snacks. Zel was pretty sure that he was safe, being a chimera, but he didn't like the gleam in Lina's eye when she got hungry.  
  
Today was shaping up to be no exception. He hadn't even gotten to the breakfast table yet, and already he could hear sounds of wildly paced consumption. Yes, there was Lina's scream to indicate that Gourry shouldn't touch her ham. And Gourry's answering growl that meant he'd grab whatever he damn well pleased, thank you very much. Followed by the crunch that signaled Lina's patented elbow drop to the skull and corresponding thump of a body on the floor. Next, it was time for Amelia's whine that everyone should get along "for Justice." Perfect. He hoped the coffee was extra strong today; he'd need it.  
  
He sidled into the common room and calmly untangled an empty chair from a bit of twitching Gourry. By the time he was into his first cup, Gourry had climbed back onto his chair and was overtaking Lina on eggs with an eye for the roast beef. She had a head start, and Zel figured she'd probably get there first even if she hadn't. He'd never seen anyone, human or otherwise, pack in as much food as Lina. She bore sharp contrast to the rest of the little party.  
  
Amelia's table manners had regressed in this crowd, and she was busily slurping oatmeal directly from the bowl. He shook his head. She'd not learned that in the court of her father. Still, however she ate it, she'd probably pack in about a third of what Lina managed on her own. Filia was having toast and tea, as usual, and glaring at everyone else. Apparently, as she reminded them every third minute, they were late on their current quest.  
  
Xellos had chosen to annoy him, again, and was now aping his every move. Somehow he'd found a bigger coffee cup than Zel had, and would make a point of emptying the pot right as Zel was ready for his third cup. Not for the first time, Zel wondered why he'd gotten out of bed.  
  
Amelia had come up for air out of the oatmeal around about the same time Lina finished draining a jug of wine. The two caught each other's eyes across the table.  
  
Lina enthused, "I got them in the last village, at a second hand shop! I saw the little sushi on them, and had to have them!"  
  
Zel blinked. The hell? Amelia seemed to understand what this was in reference to, so he assumed it was a continuation of an earlier conversation. He started his fourth cup. Ah, bliss. Gourry's black eye was blooming nicely, and Zel saw that he'd snuck a fair portion of Lina's fried potatoes. He looked positively radiant, until she nailed him in the face with an elbow. Zel couldn't understand how such a talented swordsman like Gourry couldn't just duck once in awhile. Amelia was still talking about something – pajamas, it seemed, while he watched Gourry pick himself up again.  
  
He remained blissfully uninterested in the conversation until he heard Xellos sputter the following: "Well, at least my pajamas aren't ugly!"  
  
Now, this alone wouldn't have caught his attention. Overall, he was bored with the trickster priest - when he didn't want to remove his head, scoop out the inside and use it as a vase. No, it was Lina's comment that brought the entire table to a screeching halt.  
  
"No, because you don't wear any."  
  
Very carefully, Zel put down his coffee cup. Out of the corner of one eye he saw Filia drop her teacup. Gourry inhaled sharply, sending a bit of egg up his nose. Xellos actually opened his eyes and Amelia had turned a deep shade of tomato.  
  
As she thumped Gourry on the back to help him dislodge the egg Lina registered the stares she was getting from around the table.  
  
"What?" She barked.  
  
Amelia started it off. "Miss Lina! How could you!" Filia simply screeched and there was more coughing paired with some flying egg from Gourry.  
  
Zel shook his head. It really wasn't his business, but it did seem the height of irresponsibility to him. Lina caught on quick, and hastened to explain.  
  
"Oh lighten up! It's not like that at all. What? I'm a light sleeper! He was crashing around a few nights ago, near my unprotected head, and I couldn't hear Gourry snoring on watch. So I got up to thump whatever it was, and Lo, I beheld a double full moon."  
  
There was a small, thoughtful pause as everyone begin to relax.  
  
"The tattoo was a surprise, though."  
  
Zel spit out the coffee he'd just sipped straight into Gourry's face. Recovered from the egg incident Gourry now got hot coffee in his eyes. Absent absentmindedly he mopped it up with a half-eaten pancake while staring at Lina in abject misery. Filia had gone into "double clamp" mode, and had both hands over her mouth. Her eyes were as big as plates and she was making little squeaking nosies. Amelia's eyes looked about to fall out of her head, and she had a slight nosebleed.  
  
There was a collective "WHAT?" from all sides of the table.  
  
"What, Lina? Don't tell me you didn't like it," purred Xellos.  
  
"It's really not a question of weather or not I like it, now is it? I mean, that particular tattoo" Lina said, with a meaningful glance at Zel.  
  
This was not good. Zel's eyes narrowed, and he could feel his temper sliding away from him like a soapy otter.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean Lina? Why are you looking at me like that? What's this all about?"  
  
He turned to Xellos, knowing he'd hate himself if he didn't ask, and would hate himself for asking away. "Just what is she talking about, Fruitcake?"  
  
unbelievingly, they both ignored him. He started to sputter.  
  
Lina continued talking to Xellos as if he were the only person in the room.  
  
"You never told him?"  
  
"There never seemed to be a good time. He's so sensitive, you know." Xellos sipped his coffee.  
  
By this time Zel had reached paranoia overdrive and was making noises like a teakettle. Amelia's eyes had glazed over and she was twisting her napkin into a frayed bit of string. Filia looked at once ill and interested; her tail had knocked over a passing waiter. Gourry was now nibbling on his coffee soaked pancake, gazing at Lina with a lost expression.  
  
Lina continued. "Xellos, it's a pretty important conversation to have, you know? I mean, if it were ME I would open some kind of dialouge...."  
  
Pop.  
  
"WHAT IN NINE HELLS IS GOING ON HERE? I DEMAND YOU TELL ME AT ONCE!"  
  
Unbeknownst to many, Zel actually had a fine pair of lungs. Given enough motivation and the right pitch he could actually shatter glass. As it was, he shook the windows not only in the Inn, but in every house on that particular block.  
  
Xellos sighed, and stood up. He turned to face Zel and smiled gently at him.  
  
" Well, I was hoping to have this conversation with you in priavate......but if you insist. Zel, Dearest, there's something I have to show you...."  
  
As he talked, his hands started to undo his belt. It was too much for Zel. He turned sheet white, all the while staring at Xellos' belt as if it were about to come to life and bite him. Once Xellos had gotten it loosened and had actually started to undo his pants, Zel made a distinct "eep!" noise, and bolted out of the Inn.  
  
Filia's eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed, sliding out of her seat to lie peacefully on the floor. Amiliawas in full flood, and she sailed out of the room fast on Zel's heels. She'd started to hiccup, working her way into full sobbing once she'd passed through the door.  
  
Gourry, pancake dispensed with, now precieved the new threat of a soon-to- be-sans-pants Xellos. He claped his hands over Lina's eyes, and then sqeezed his own shut. He'd have perfered a handy rock to hind behind as well, but this would have to do.  
  
Lina made an annoyed sound and batted at his hands.  
  
"Gourry! What are you doing? Let go!'  
  
"No! Don't look!"  
  
"Gourry! It's ok, Xellos is not going to take off his pants, and he doesn't have a tattoo. We were just teasing Zel, that's all."  
  
Gourry peeped any eye open, half expecting to be greeted with more than just a sight of breakfast. Happily, he found that Xellos had refastened his belt, and was now sitting down calmly drinking coffee. Suspicciously, it looked like Zel's discarded cup. Reassured all was reletavley normal, he let go of Lina's eyes.  
  
Xellos cocked an eyebrow at her. "I always knew you had a talent. Are you SURE you wouldn't like to join us?" He surveyed the dammage: absent Zel and Amilia (though she could be heard wailing from a distance), uncounscious Filia and frazzeld Gourry. Really, an excellent breakfast! He was doing well with just Zel's earlier (and usual) morning annoyance, but this was surpurb!  
  
Lina smiled and shook her head as she reached for the rest of Gourry's sausages. "Nah. The set up was too much to resist, though. I suppose we should apologize to him."  
  
Xellos showed his teeth. "Whatever for? If we're careful, we can keep this up for days."  
  
Gourry had noticed the sausage banditry, and was now setting up a skirmish for the remains of the fried potatoes. Lina had conceeded the rest of the eggs after he'd accidnetly shot part of the one out of his nose, so all he needed for victory was half the roast beef, and those all important potatoes. Over the flash of silverware and while dodging a well-aimed knee under the table he managed a "Lina, what..."  
  
She sighed, stabed his arm with her fork, and when he yelped and pulled back she secured the rest of the potatoes. Seeing his hurt look, she relented and gave him one or two. When he beamed back at her, she gave herself up for lost, and started to explain what had just happened to him. Sure, it might take her the rest of breakfast to do so, but really, what else did she have planned? It was that smile of his that did it, every time. Though she'd never tell him that. For good measure, she stole his orange juice too.  
  
Filia remained blissfully on the floor for the rest of breakfast, while Xellos happily knotted all the empty crockery he could find to her tail. He humed a minor counterpart to the howling of Ameila.  
  
Outside, hindered by a sobbing and clinging girl, Zel tried to hobble away. Ameila had a strong grip for someone so small.  
  
"BUT Mr. Zelgadis! It's not fair! HE'S A MAZAKOU AND I'M A PRINCESS!! WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME? WHAHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Not for the first time, Zel wished he actually was a rock, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the sheer volume she was putting out, or the eventuallity of facing the Mazakou Fruitcake again in this lifetime. And he'd left without his coffee cup. Gods help him if he even lived to find his cure, let alone employ it. The headache was in to stay, Amilia was cutting off the circulation in his leg, and it looked like rain.  
  
Perfect.  
  
__________________________________________________________________ NOTE: This little thing popped into my head nearly a year ago. I still think the pace is clumsy, but unless I'm dreadfully mistaken, the tense is constant, and that's something. Yet another of my favorite series, Slayers. And yes, I really do like Ameilia. For this, though, it was just too much fun to take advantage of her whiny, pre-teen characterization. She's just really young through most of the series.  
  
Poor Gourry doesn't get enough credit though! 


End file.

Slayers, Humor