Harry Potter 1. Fallen I

**Thanks to my beta who made this chapter so much better; Crikkita**

**Fallen I**

Harry woke up with a painful headache. He blinked a few times, trying to remember what had happened to him, but his mind seemed to be not functioning. He looked around the room in which he was lying, but the little light that reached into the room was blinding him

He looked down, noticing that he was completely naked. He pulled his legs up in reflex, trying to cover his private parts. This action was useless, because there was no one in the room, or cell...

When his eyes had finally adapted to the light, he looked around in the room. It was dark... a room where in your nightmare you would find a lifeless body. The dark wall made of stone looked as if it would fall on top of you. The corners were dark and frightening. The air was icy cold, prickling his nose when he inhaled.

Suddenly Harry realised that he could become that lifeless body, if no one came to save him. A sudden panic attacked him, making him look for a door in this room. There was none... only the dark stones.

Harry sat down again, knowing that it was completely useless to keep touching every stone of the room. He had become aware that he was completely vulnerable to any attack. He was scared, really scared. His breath was inregular and his whole body was shaking. It was so cold in the room that Harry couldn't feel his fingertips or his toes.

He racked his brains, trying to remember anything of what had caused him to be here in this darkest room. But there were only flashes. He remembered everything, his whole life, except how he got here...

_Voldemort_.

Voldemort had something to do with this. Harry knew that for sure, but other than that Harry knew nothing.

Hours passed, Harry watched the little light there was slowly go away, knowing the night had fallen upon him - literally.

Never in his life he had felt so alone, so scared and hopeless. They always say that losing hope is the worst thing that can happen to someone. And Harry tried not to, but the walls were so dark and the light had gone away. He had spent hours in this room and no one had come to rescue him.

"Was I this... this depressed before I came here?" Harry asked himself, for he could still not remember anything that had happened to him.

He knew something had happened, something bad. He could feel it... He had once been a happy boy, right? A boy who had stayed hopeful through everything that happened to him, right?

He looked at the bruises on his skin, but they remained bruises. No memories popped into his mind.

Then the wall opened, or a door made of wall. Harry felt relieved that at least there was a door in his room, although "hole" was more like it. He tried to push himself into the wall, for the person who stepped in had not showed himself or herself yet. There was only a dark shadow.

The shadow threw some kind of blanket toward him, which Harry wrapped around himself quickly. The cold couldn't touch him any longer.

"Harry Potter," a voice said. Harry frowned. He did not recall hearing this voice before. The shadow stepped into the room, revealing a man whom Harry had never seen before.

"Why am I here?" Harry asked.

"Why are you here?" The man laughed.

The laugh was a cruel one, causing Harry to dislike the man immediately.

"You, Harry Potter, have lost, and everybody thinks that you're dead. The light side has lost and you know what the best thing about it is? We have you," The man smirked.

"What do you mean you have me?" Harry asked, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Potter, since you were brought up in the Muggle world and always stayed in the light, you never saw or heard about the ways of the Dark side. You, Potter, are now officially in the Dark side... as a slave," The man grinned wickedly.

"A _slave?_" Harry asked, his jaw dropping.

"Yes, slaves still exist. Human slaves. You wouldn't think that dark wizards like to shag their house elves, would you?" The man raised his eyebrow.

"_Shag?_" Harry asked, his breath getting inregular.

"It's time to show you the ways of the world. You've been living in a fairy-tale, Potter. It's time to get that image out of your pretty little head."

"You can't be serious about this. This has to be a joke," Harry said, stunned.

The man began to laugh again, making Harry realise that this was for real. He had landed in Hell. He would become someone's slave...

"You can't do this to people! You have no right to make decisions about someone else's life!" Harry shouted angrily.

"Oh, but I _do_ have the right to decide about my slaves, and guess what? Someone has already bought you for his son," The man said.

"His _son_?" Harry asked stunned again.

"Well what did you think?" the man began to laugh, harder than ever. "You- you honestly thought that you were going to be sold to a woman? Women are too weak to handle slaves, they just fall in love with them and that kind of bullshit. The men can't afford their wives to fall in love with a slave, they cost them enough money as it is. Besides, a woman can get pregnant. Men have far too much power and pride to let that happen."

Harry stared at the man in disbelief. Dark wizanrd weren't only owning slaves, they were buying women, too, and treating them badly.

What was happening to him? This all seemed so unreal, so unfair.

"You're lucky the man who bought you wants you untrained. It's hard to train a seventeen-year-old boy. Normally, we raise them from the age of 7 or 8." The man said. "He thinks his son will find it amusing to see you struggle."

Harry frowned. He had so many questions that he didn't know which one to ask first. "Who bought me?"

"Enough questions," the man barked abruptly. "Come with me."

Harry silently followed the man, his head messed up as hell. He'd never known this world... Hell, he wouldn't have believed it if someone had told him about it... and yet he was here, for sale...

**I still remember the world**

**through the eyes of a child,**

**Slowly those feelings were**

**clouded with what I know now.**

**Where has my heart gone?**

**An uneven trade for the**

**real world**

**Oh-I want to go back to**

**believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.**

As he walked by down the corridor, he saw that you could look right through the walls. He saw little boys, pretty boys, sitting against the wall, awaiting their destiny, as he was doing a couple of minutes ago.

They all looked so frightened. Soon they would be let out of their cells and they, too, would be embarrassed by the thought that someone could have been watching them the whole time.

Next to each window hung a photo, and next to that a price.

These little boys would be sold and raped by nasty, old, ugly men. Harry felt very sorry for them.

Harry had lived a normal life before this. These boys, though, would never have a real life. They would only have a captured life, where raping was normal. They would probably have no friends, no education.

Suddenly, Harry realised how much he had loved his life, even though it had been complicated. He had cursed himself for being the way he was many times, but now he wanted to go back... Back to what was.

**Where has my heart gone?**

**Trapped in the eyes of a**

**stranger...**

**I want to go back to**

**believing in everything**

The corridor didn't seemed to go on forever. Harry didn't know how many boys he had passed before he reached the end. This was like a supermarket for little boys. How in Merlin's name could this be considered normal in this world? How could anyone do such a thing to these little boys, who knew nothing about the real world? Or was the world Harry had been living in imaginary?.He didn't know. He was so confused

With the blanket still wrapped around his fragile frame, Harry reached the end of the never-ending corridor. He was shivering from the cold and from fear. Terrified, he awaited the horrors his future was holding for him. There was a door, a normal door this time, which opened.

Harry's eyes widened. This couldn't be right. This was a lie, a nightmare. His mind was screaming for him to wake up, but he couldn't get it to listen. It had never listened...

Right in front of him stood a smirking Lucius Malfoy. One eyebrow raised, Lucius was observing him undividedly.

Harry held the blanket tighter and glared back with his jaw clenched. He should have known that of all people, Malfoy would be the one breaking him. The one crushing him until there was nothing left of him but powder. When he was done, Malfoy would open his hand and the wind would take the powder with him. No one would know what happened with Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived after his 'death', because that's what he was now: dead to all his friends and to the world.

"Mr. Potter, I'm delighted to meet you as my servant," Lucius drawled, showing no signs of sympathy. Not that Harry had expected it in any way... not after he saw those boys.

"Fuck you," Harry spat, despising Lucius Malfoy even more than he did in the first place.

Lucius smirked. "Oh, so you already know your task? I'll have to disappoint you. I already have a slave. I brought you for Draco. You will never have the delight to fuck me," Lucius said.

Harry was so astonished that he couldn't find the words to reply.

Lucius threw a bag, obviously with money in it, to the man who had sold Harry, and pulled Harry along with him. Lucius closed the door behind him and pushed Harry against the wall, trapping him to prevent him from running.

Lucius took a knife out of his pocket.

Harry took in a sharp breath, holding his breath as long as possible. He looked from Lucius to the knife and back, wondering what Lucius was planning to do with the sinister object.. An image of Lucius marking a big 'M' on his chest made him feel nauseated.

"This is a portkey to our manor, take it!" Lucius ordered finally, rolling his eyes. "You will wait there and be silent or I'll punish you."

Harry let out a sigh of relief and took the knife from Lucius, which brought him to the manor.

Harry closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he was once again in some kind of dungeon. Here too, dark walls looked as if they were falling on top of him. He sighed. Here he was, back in Hell again. Not that he had ever left it - he had hoped that Lucius would have taken him outside.

Harry fought against the oncoming tears. He would not cry. He told himself that over and over again, until his eyes didn't sting anymore.

For the second time within two days, Harry had to go through hours of dark solitude. Harry knew for sure that the night had passed. For some odd reason, he started to have panic attacks. One time, he was afraid that he couldn't see anymore, since it was pitch-black in the dungeon. Another, he got the weird idea that if he didn't say something he would lose the ability to speak.

Then suddenly a door opened, revealing some light, and Harry learned that he could still see. Lucius Malfoy stood in the doorway once again.

"Potter, how was your night?" Lucius asked a little too friendlily.

Harry didn't reply and glared at him.

"Oh, yes, do that. It makes you really pretty," Lucius said sarcastically. "Come here, you piece of shit."

Harry didn't obey until Lucius pointed his wand at him, threatening to hurt him.

"You will be nice to my son, understand?" Lucius spat, grabbing Harry's arm.

Harry tried not to wince when Lucius' nails dug deep into his skin, making him bleed.

"Potter... I do not think you understand the situation you're in now. You're dead to everybody, except to us. If we want to kill you, no one will notice - no one - so you'd better be a good boy." Lucius threatened.

The reality was like a hard slap against his cheek. He was totally dependent on the Malfoys. It hurt. He nodded slightly to let Lucius know that he understood.

Lucius smirked and dragged him along with him, up the stairs. The stairs ended in a big hall, bigger than the one at Hogwarts, but much darker. Harry noticed that the only colours the Malfoys used were black, very little white, some silver and dark bloodred.

Harry was panting from the few stairs they had climbed, but Lucius dragged him along the big staircase without any mercy. By the time they had climbed these additional stairs, Harry was out of breath and very dizzy. There were two big, long corridors: one on his right and one on his left. They walked into the left corridor.

Unfortunately Lucius' dragging was causing Harry's legs to shake violently. He could not keep up. Harry bit his lip hard trying to find the strength to keep on walking and not to give in to the pain in his legs. He could not handle the shame of being carried by a Malfoy on top of his already too painful shame. Harry was thankful when they stopped before one of the first doors.

"Draco," Lucius called, opening the door.

Harry walked into the gigantic room and spotted a figure lying on a large four-poster.

"Draco!" Lucius snapped, pushing Harry back to the corridor.

Draco jerked up, and stood beside his bed within a second. "Yes father?" Draco asked.

"Because you've done what I said, I want to reward you." Lucius spoke, smirking. "You know my slave. I've seen you watching him, so I've bought one for you, too. A special one. I'm sure you'll like the choice I've made."

Lucius grabbed Harry painfully by his neck and dragged him into Draco's bedroom, throwing him on the floor in front of him.

"Father!" Draco exclaimed. Harry didn't know if it was from excitement or surprise. "I thought Potter was dead,"

Harry looked up and saw Draco walk towards him.

"To the world, yes. Voldemort didn't really kill him; he survived again. This time, though, he will not come back. We'll finish him when you get tired of him," Lucius said as if he were discussing the life of a gold fish.

"Just what I wanted, Father, thank you." Draco smirking to Harry.

"I'm glad you like it." Lucius said. "I will leave you alone with your new toy. Oh, and Draco, don't be afraid to use your wand on him."

"I won't, Father, thank you again." Draco answered.

As Lucius left the room, Draco took a few steps back and sat on the edge of the bed. Harry knew that Draco was looking at him, but he didn't know what to do. Should he stand up and yell at Draco, or should he stay on the ground? He really didn't know.

"Potter. Stand up!" Draco growled, deciding for Harry.

Harry stood up, looking right into Draco's eyes.

"So... you're not dead," Draco said, looking at Harry. Draco frowned. "What are you wearing?" he asked disturbed.

"A blanket?" Harry said rolling his eyes. His cheeks flushed when he realised the blanket wasn't big enough to cover everything.

"Where are your clothes?" Draco asked, still disturbed.

"I don't know. I woke up naked," Harry spat. "They probably thought 'Oh, he doesn't need any clothes. He'll just be used for sex, and he doesn't need clothes for that.' Do you know how much I despise your world, Malfoy?"

Draco stood up and walked towards Harry. With one jerk, he pulled the blanket off Harry's body. Harry tried to catch it, but he wasn't fast enough. "That's only because you're the slave here and I'm the master. I think you would enjoy it if the places were the other way round." Draco smirked at Harry, who tried to cover as much as possible.

"I would not!" Harry exclaimed.

"Face it, Potter. I'm the one with the power now, you'll do anything I want." Draco said smugly.

"I'll never have sex with you. I'd rather die!" Harry yelled.

Draco raised both of his eyebrows and shook his head. "That's the thing, Potter. If I don't order you to kill yourself, you won't. You're under my control, and I'm sure you'll enjoy the sex."

Harry rolled his eyes, looking the other way. He didn't have the strength to have a discussion with Malfoy now, so he chose to ignore the blond boy, knowing Malfoy hated to be ignored.

"Potter!" Draco yelled angrily. "Get your ass over here."

Harry continued to look outside, refusing to give in.

Draco clenched his jaw and marched towards Harry. Draco dragged Harry over to his bed and pushed him on top of it. Within a few second Draco climbed on top of Harry, holding Harry's hand over Harry's head.

Harry tried to get away, but he didn't have much strength.

"You smell," Draco said, making a face. "You need a bath." Without giving Harry a warning, Draco dragged him off the bed.

That Harry fell on the ground didn't seem to matter, because Draco continued to drag him along. When they were in an enormous bathroom, Draco pushed Harry onto a chair.

"You stay there," Draco ordered and walked to the bath.

Draco filled the swimming-pool-sized bath and Harry watched him. Never in his entire life Harry had felt so ashamed and humiliated. Here he was sitting naked on a chair, with his enemy having full control over him.

The bath didn't take long to fill itself and Harry soon found himself entering the bath on Draco's command. He wondered if he could maybe drown himself to get out of this mess. He couldn't bear the thought of Draco raping him for the rest of his life, as long as Draco still liked him as his toy. His future was completely hopeless. The bath was nice and warm. Harry didn't mind dying here... Yes, it would be perfect to die here. Now he only needed to find a large object to place upon his stomach, to keep his body from floating toward the surface.

**Fallen**

**angels at my feet**

**Whispered voices at my ear**

**Death before my eyes**

**Lying next to me I fear**

**She beckons me**

**Shall I give in**

**Upon my end shall I begin**

**Forsaking all I've fallen for**

**I rise to meet my end**

Death was his only escape. Death would take him away from here, to his parents.

To Harry's surprise, Draco stepped into the bath as well, with his pyjamas still on. "I'm not giving you the opportunity to drown yourself, Potter." Draco answered his unspoken question as if he could read his mind.

Harry looked away from Draco, with a blush on his cheeks. Draco had caught him.

Draco swum towards him and grabbed his face. "Merlin! You were serious!" Draco said, shocked. "Potter, you will not kill yourself in my bath, dammit!"

Harry found it somewhat amusing to look right into the shocked eyes of Draco.

Draco clenched his jaw and pushed Harry underwater again without warning. When he let go Harry was gasping for breath and twice as shocked as Draco had been over his suicide thoughts.

"That will teach you," Draco smirked, bringing his hands back towards Harry's hair.

Harry ducked immediately. He didn't want Draco to push him underwater without air again.

"I'm trying to wash your hair, idiot." Draco said, grabbing Harry by the hair and putting some shampoo in his hair.

Harry relaxed a bit when Draco's fingers started to wash his hair. 'Merlin, that feels good.' Harry thought. 'Never thought that Draco would be washing my hair someday.'

"Finished," Draco suddenly said. "Get out."

"But my hair, it still has shampoo in it." Harry complained. He didn't want to get out of the bath so soon.

"It dries out," Draco said, signaling him to get out. Draco had already cast a drying spell on himself, and as soon as Harry was out of the bath, he cast one on Harry as well.

Harry was once again feeling extremely humiliated, walking around naked. He followed Draco out of the bathroom and into Draco's bedroom again.

"Go lie on the bed," Draco ordered. "I have some things to do. I'll take you later." He spoke as if it were a normal thing just to take somebody.

Harry obeyed without being aware that he had. He felt numb. '_I'll take you later,'_ He could hear Draco saying those words in his mind over and over again. The moment Harryfeared now more than anything was getting closer and closer. Harry tried to distract himself, watching Draco redo his hair. He did not want to be reminded of what was ahead of him.

When Draco was finished doing his hair, he locked the bathroom and cast a spell around the bed, so Harry couldn't escape.

Harry smirked. He had gotten Draco scared by his suicide thoughts. It would have been really funny if he hadn't meant it. Now, though, he was just concerned. He'd never had suicide thoughts before. He was courageous, happy, careful and he certainly never gave up... That optimistic person was Harry Potter; he didn't know who he was now

Draco left the room, leaving Harry all alone in the big bed.

Please review.


	2. Fallen II

Fallen II

Thanks to my beta: Crikkita

* * *

_**Where will you go.**_

_**With no one left to save you from yourself**_

* * *

Harry awoke when he felt something linger against his cheek. At first he leaned into the touch, but then he realised where he was and snapped his eyes open. Above him he saw Draco Malfoy's face.

Harry wondered how he had managed to fall asleep. He had told himself over and over again that he would not fall asleep in the bed of his enemy, but obviously sleep had taken over his mind.

Harry looked away, away from Draco's cold eyes.

"Have it your way," Draco sneered, throwing some kind of paper toward Harry and stepping out of the bed.

Harry grabbed his glasses to take a better look at the paper. It was 'The Daily Prophet'.

_Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, is officially declared dead_, the headline said.

Harry bit his lip and threw the paper away. He did not want to read about his own death. He rolled onto his side, ignoring Draco completely. He did not want Draco to see his reaction, his shock. The wizarding world had given up on him. They were going to leave him here, forever. There was a heavy weight on his chest, making it almost impossible for Harry to breathe. The thought of facing the future without his friends, without the ones that he loved so much, was unbearable.

The bed behind him creaked and Harry took in a sharp breath. He remembered Draco's words before he left far too well. He wondered what he should do. Fight Malfoy? He would be in deep trouble if he did, but what was the point of living only to be used for sex?

"Don't you dare to touch me," Harry growled, turning around. He gasped when he saw that Draco was as naked as he was.

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Like what you see?" he asked, smirking.

"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" Harry exclaimed, backing off. "I am _not_ having sex with you!"

"That's the whole point of being a slave, Potter." Draco rolled his eyes. "You'll have to get used to it, since you're going to be my slave for a while, and I happen to like fucking a _lot_."

Harry clenched his jaw and cast Draco a dangerous look. "I swear that if you touch me with so much as one finger, I'll kill you!"

"Oh no, you won't," Draco said balancing his wand on one finger. "You won't be able to."

Before he could blink, Harry found himself tied up on the bed, unable to move his hands or legs. He had been too slow to avoid Draco's curse.

Draco crawled closer, like a cat, until he was sitting on top of Harry's hips. "Don't worry, it won't hurt - _that much_," he said with a smirk.

Harry saw to his disgust that Draco was hard, and looked away. He refused to watch his own humiliation. He struggled against the invisible ropes around his arms and legs, but he couldn't move. There was no point in wasting his energy on trying, but he was past the point of being angry. He was scared. He bit his lip hard, tasting his own salty blood. When he felt Draco settling between his legs, he panicked.

Harry suppressed a shiver as Draco's chest slid down over his. He had thought just being naked was humiliating, but it had been nothing compared to this. He felt his nose sting from unshed tears and clenched his jaw even harder. He would not cry.

Draco pushed inside Harry, not taking any care to avoid causing him harm and Harry's eyes shot open even wider. Pain coursed through his body.

Harry did not dare to look at Draco, did not wish to see the probable amusement in Draco's eyes. He knew that he could not bear that sight. The hurt was nearly unbearable, both the physical and the mental.

Draco began to move, their chests sliding against each other. Draco's movements and the tension between their bodies caused Harry to get physically aroused. Harry could feel the prickling sensation and felt disgusted by the reaction of his own body. Every time Draco moved back into him, pain and humiliation rushed over Harry like a wave.

Harry was sure that all Draco wanted to do was hurt him. Draco hadn't even prepared him. Harry knew for sure that he was bleeding.

Never before in his whole life had Harry felt so _used_. Of course, after everything he'd had to do for the Light side, there had been times when he'd felt that he was nothing more than a pawn in a game between Voldemort and Dumbledore.

Now he felt not only used, but dirty, like a piece of rubbish to be thrown away afterwards. He cried silent tears as he tried to find some point in the room where he could focus, to distract himself from what was happening to him.

Weak from pain and humiliation, Harry lay, knowing he was doing what he was going to have to do for the rest of his life, however long that might be.

Reality slipped away and Harry found himself watching _himself_. He did not _feel, _he could only seeHe felt enchanted by this new and strange reality. Though he did not know if it was magic guiding him away from the pain and into his own thoughts.

Suddenly Draco collapsed on top of him, panting heavily. Harry was jerked back into the reality he had managed to escape for a few minutes.

Harry tried to remember if he'd felt Draco emptying himself inside him, but couldn't remember a thing. He was grateful for that.

Draco did not move for a long time and Harry began to wonder whether Draco had fallen asleep. Draco's body was sweaty and he had stopped panting. Harry wanted to throw Draco off him and hurt Draco as badly as Draco had hurt him.

Harry felt terribly sore. He wanted desperately to take a bath and wash Draco's sweaty body off him, together with the memory of what had just happened. Maybe he could ask Draco to erase his memory, but then he would have to go through the first time again. Not knowing what to expect and that might be worse than a second time.

Harry licked his dry lips and tasted salt. He wondered if he had cried. The thought of Draco seeing him cry made him feel weak, so he hoped it was just sweat, but somehow he found that hard to believe. He had not moved enough to have perspired

Harry shivered. He was getting cold, even though Draco was still lying on top of him. The sheets were miles away and he was still tied to this accursed bed.

Draco's panting had stopped and he was now breathing normally.

Harry felt the urge to scream and startle Draco awake, but didn't dare, for fear of a second assault. Never in his life did he want to go through something like that again. How could someone be so incredibly inhuman as to do such a thing to another human being? Could he not see the effect that his actions had on his victim?

The dirty feeling would not go away for a long, long time. He couldn't imagine being able to enjoy having sex now, even if he had the opportunity to do it with someone he chose.

Tears came in Harry's eyes when he realised that Draco had stolen his first sexual experience. He had always imagined it to be terribly romantic. He hadn't planned to sleep with anyone until he was absolutely sure. Now he wished he had; it would have been better than this. Anything was better than this.

Quiet sobs weren't to be stopped, and Harry cried. When Draco started to move again, Harry held in his breath and buried his face as deep in a pillow as possible. Slowly, Draco slid out of him and sat back.

Harry felt that Draco was watching him. He could feel Draco's eyes burn into his skin. He didn't move one inch, he did not even breathe.

When Draco released his body from the bed, Harry curled into a little ball. He didn't even cover himself with the sheets. He just wanted to fall into a deep, black hole and never come out of it again.

Harry felt Draco step out of the bed, and a few seconds later heard the bath fill itself. His eyes snapped open. This was his chance, maybe, while Draco's attention was elsewhere, and he could just jump out of the window. If he survived the fall he could run away. If he didn't, it would be better that way.

Harry stepped out of the bed and ran to the window. Relieved that the spells around the bed were gone, he pulled the window open and took in the cold air.

"Don't even think about it," Draco exclaimed behind him, when Harry had placed his foot on the window sill.

Draco ran towards him and Harry was once again slightly amused by the look on Draco's face. Draco grabbed his arm and dragged him toward the bathroom. Once they were there, he pushed Harry into the bath.

"You have _got_ to stop doing that," Draco said angrily.

"You cannot control me, Malfoy," Harry spat, swimming to the edge of the pool.

"Yes, I can." Draco growled, getting into the bath as well.

"I'll end my life sometime." Harry argued, backing away as Malfoy got closer. "Did you think I would want to live, after what you did to me?"

Draco looked slightly shocked. "Oh, don't blame this on me, Potter. You're the mental, suicidal one here."

Harry glared. He could feel the hatred boil in his blood. "You. Did. This. To. Me. And there's no way in Hell I'm going to let you do it again." Harry said forcefully, trapped in a corner of the pool.

Draco walked closer and closer until he stood in front of Harry. "Potter, you are my slave. I will do with you as I wish," Draco said calmly. "Now sit still,"

Harry frowned when Draco began to wash him. "Get your hands off me!" Harry exclaimed, pushing Draco away. "First you use me for a sex toy and then you wash me. Your idea of normal human interaction is severely disturbed"

"Do you want me to tie you up again?" Draco asked, with his hands on his hips.

"I just want you to leave me alone." Harry said slowly, staring Draco directly in the eye.

"And let you kill yourself? I don't think so Potter. I don't trust you anymore." Draco said. "Now stand still or I'll tie you up again."

Harry looked away again, as Draco got closer and began to rub his chest. Harry began to tremble.

"Would you stop crying? You're disturbing me," Draco snarled, after a while.

"I'm not crying," Harry growled.

"Yes you are." Draco said. "That isn't a raindrop falling from your cheek."

Harry wiped away the tear and shot Draco a murderous look. "I hate you."

"Well thank you. I hate you too," Draco responded, smirking.

"You make me sick," Harry tried again.

"Well don't feel too sorry for yourself. _You_ make _me_ sick, and I got stuck with you for my slave. Imagine what that must be like." Draco said.

"I'd rather make you my slave, than be yours," Harry spat.

"Well, maybe we'll do some role-playing next time." Draco smiled a little too sweetly.

"Go to Hell, Malfoy!" Harry growled.

"And join you? I don't think so." Draco said, remaining icily calm.

"You'd rather have me suffering my whole life, than end it now," Harry said, taken aback at the realisation.

"Well of course," Draco responded with a smirk.

* * *

_**No one seems to hear your hidden cries...**_

_**You're left to face yourself alone.**_

* * *

Harry was lying on Draco's bed once again. He wasn't so hungry anymore. Draco had forced him to eat, even though he had tried to refuse, thinking that starving to death was the only way to escape this place.

The day had passed by slowly and now the night had fallen again.

Harry didn't move when he heard Draco return to the room.

"Normally, slaves sleep on the ground," Draco began, not even looking whether Harry was still awake or not. "but you're allowed to stay in my bed for tonight."

"Oh I'm so grateful," Harry answered sarcastically. "How I would love to lie in the same bed as you and have you use me against my will yet another time "

Draco grinned. "You've got a sense of humour, Potter. I never noticed that before."

Draco walked to the bathroom, obviously to prepare himself to go to bed. Harry closed his eyes, praying to no one in particular that what had happened earlier that day would not repeat itself.

Draco walked back in the room, wearing black silk boxers, and stepped into the other side of the four poster. Luckily, there was room enough in the bed that Harry didn't have to touch Draco in any way.

"Ok. Listen to me, Potter." Draco said, sitting next to him.

Harry didn't move or say anything.

"I will not allow you to make any more attempts to kill yourself, or anything like that. I've placed the spells around the bed again and will be watching you. Or, well, our house elf will be watching you." Draco said.

"Aw. It's almost as if you really care." Harry replied.

Draco snorted. "Almost, Potter. Almost."

Harry closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. The thought of someone watching him all the time wasn't really encouraging his sleep, but after what seemed like a few hours, Harry finally fell asleep.

* * *

I **_know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_**

_**the nightmare I built my own world to escape**_

* * *

Harry didn't know how late it was, but he woke suddenly, very aware of the arm wrapped around his chest. He waited until his eyes were adapted to the light before looking to see that Draco was lying dangerously close.

He tried to push Draco away from him, but his efforts only yielded the opposite effect. Draco snuggled closer and cuddled against him, almost like a small child.

A feeling Harry could not place rushed through his veins. Even Malfoy looked vulnerable in his sleep. Harry looked around the room, searching for the house elf that was supposed to be watching him.

"Is Harry Potter awake, sir?" A high voice whispered next to him.

"Yes." Harry answered, remembering Dobby. Maybe the house elf was his way out.

"Harry Potter must not blame Master Draco." the house elf continued.

Harry frowned. "Blame him for what?"

"For what Master Draco is doing to Harry Potter, sir." the answer came.

"Why shouldn't I blame him?" Harry spat. There was no way he was going to let Draco off the hook.

" Master Draco is only behaving according to the culture in which he was raised, sir." The house elf squeaked.

"Well, that's too bad." Harry spat again. "It was his choice to do what he did."

"Libby understands that Harry Potter has a hard time understanding, sir. Libby only hopes that Harry Potter will understand one time and not condemn Master Draco for his actions." Libby said.

Harry frowned at the disappearing house elf. Condemn Malfoy for his actions? If only he could do that. Malfoy was doing exactly the same to him. He could not blame Draco's actions only on his background. There were choices he'd made and he'd picked the wrong way.

Harry almost yelped when Draco's leg locked itself around his own. Now it seemed as if Draco was clinging to him. Every time Harry tried to push Draco away, Draco snuggled closer and held him tighter.

Harry had almost fallen asleep again when Draco started to scream.

"No! No! No! No! I beg you, NO!" Draco yelled.

"What the fuck!" Harry exclaimed.

Draco whimpered and buried his face in Harry's neck. Now Harry couldn't make out the words anymore, but it sounded as if Draco was having a terrible nightmare.

'Serves him right,' Harry thought.

Draco was clinging to him almost painfully now, so Harry decided to wake him up.

"Malfoy!" Harry yelled, shaking Draco's frame.

Draco woke up abruptly and blinked a few times, obviously confused. When he realised where he was and whom he was holding, Draco let go of Harry and looked somewhat disgusted.

"What was that for?" Draco demanded.

"Well, you were yelling in my ear and clinging to me as if you were a helpless baby." Harry stated.

"I did no such thing!" Draco exclaimed.

"How would you know? You were sleeping!" Harry snapped back.

"Don't you yell at me," Draco threatened, grabbing his wand.

Harry regarded Draco's wand, completely unimpressed. "What, are you going to cast nasty spells?" Harry asked, with mock fear.

"No, I'm going to tie you up to my bed again." Draco said.

Harry's fake expression of fear was replaced by a genuine one. He stared at Draco, completely speechless. Could Draco really mean to do that again?

"No, I won't let you." Harry said shaking his head.

"That's too bad. You've made me want some." Draco said and cast the spells.

Once again, Harry found himself tied up to the bed, unable to move. Although he refused to beg Draco not to do it, he was trembling with fear. His mind was playing with him, it seemed as if he lost his ability to think in his fear. The only thing he wanted was for this moment to pass by, to be lifeless for the few minutes this physical pain would last.

Draco slid his arms underneath Harry's back, holding his shoulders with his hands. This time, he entered Harry a bit more slowly, but Harry was still very sore from the last time. The difference in force didn't make this time any less painful. Harry clutched the sheets and focussed on one point, waiting for the assault to be over. This time the world did not slip away.

Harry's concentration was disturbed when something wet dripped on his chest.

"Ew. Malfoy are you drooling?" Harry asked looking at his enemy. His eyes widened in shock when he saw that Draco was crying.

Draco had his eyes shut and was sobbing quietly. His shoulders and chest were shaking softly. He collapsed on top of Harry and buried his face once again in Harry's neck.

Harry had no idea what to do. Never in his life he had seen Draco cry. Although he wasn't so heartless as not to be touched by this, he didn't want to hold or comfort Draco in any way. Besides, he was still tied up and couldn't move.

Draco continued to sob harder until his whole body began to shake. Harry felt the tears run over his neck to the pillow.

"Damn it all!" Draco cursed against Harry's neck.

"Totally agree with you." Harry couldn't help saying.

Draco snorted into Harry's neck, causing him to yelp.

"Ew! Malfoy!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oops," Draco laughed. He started to lick Harry's neck clean.

"Malfoy! That's even more disgusting!" Harry exclaimed. "Get off me!"

Draco sat up and slid out of Harry, not looking at him. "I'm too tired for this," he answered Harry's unspoken question. "If you tell Lucius, I'll make your life a living Hell."

"No need for that, Malfoy. My life already is a living hell." Harry growled.

"I'll make it even worse." Draco threatened.

"Alright, alright. I won't, it's not like I'll get anything in return anyway." Harry said.

'That was beyond any doubt the most bizarre moment I've ever experienced...' Harry thought, when Draco turned away from him after releasing him from the spells.

* * *

_**swallowed up in the sound of my screaming**_

_**cannot cease for the fear of silent nights**_

_**oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming**_

_**the goddess of imaginary light**_

* * *

Please Review.


	3. Fallen III

Fallen III

Because most of you wanted this story to be longer. I'll make it as long as I can, but I don't want it to become boring. So when it's over... It's over.

~*~

**long lost words whisper slowly to me  
still can't find what keeps me here  
when all this time I've been so hollow inside  
I know you're still there**

~*~

Harry woke up with an headache and the feeling that he would break if he moved one bit. His sight was blurry because of his missing glasses. He rolled over to see Draco's empty side of the bed.

Harry felt the emptyness of his stomach and it made him feel sick, but he didn't have the strength to walk to the bathroom. Besides his stomach was empty, so there was nothing to throw up anyway.

He looked around trying to find his glasses and found them on a little table next to the bed. There were no spells around the bed to his surprise, so he stepped out of bed and walked towards the bathroom.

He washed his face and neck, disgusted by the thought that Draco had licked his neck that night. In the mirror a pale and thin boy was staring back at him. He looked absolutely horrible. 

Harry walked back inside Draco's room and began to wonder where Draco was. Draco wasn't paying much attention to what he could be doing. Harry smirked at the thought of escaping this hell. 

Not into Death, but into the free world. When he arrived there he would ask Dumbledore to erase his memory and everything would be fine again. The Malfoy family would be locked away in prison for the rest of their lives.

Harry looked around for some clothes. He walked to Draco's wardrobe. Never in his life Harry had seen such a ridiculously big wardrope. The giant walls were covered with cloaks, pants, sweaters, shirts, boxers and t-shirt. Nearly everything was black, except a few red and green clothes. Harry grabbed a pair of boxers, pants and a sweater. He hadn't realised that he had lost so much weight. Draco's pants were dropping to his ankles everytime he took a step.

He growled. There was no time to find a belt, so he'd have to hold them.

Harry almost ran to the door and opened it. There was no one to be seen in the corridor, so he ran towards the end.

He recognised the stairs from the previous day, but decided it was far to dangerous to go downstairs there. 

He could go back to Draco's corridor, to find out if there were any other stairs on that side of the house. Or he could find out what was on the other side of the house.

His curiosity won his mental battle and he raced towards the other corridor. This corridor was lighter than Draco's and Harry saw a window at the end of the corridor.

Suddenly Harry heard a door open behind him. He looked around where he could hide, but there was nothing. Only a big, black and extremely long corridor with a few doors.

"What are you doing here?" A voice said behind him.

Harry turned around and saw two figures stand next to an open door. A big one and a smaller one.

"Ehm... I'm lost." Harry lied. He hadn't seen those two boys before.

"Oh," The largest boy answered. "Where do you belong?"

Harry swallowed. Was he supposed to day that he belonged to Draco Malfoy? No way in hell he was going to do That.

"Wait. You're Harry Potter. The slave of the younger Mr. Malfoy." The largest boy exclaimed. "I'm Ben." 

The boy stepped closer to Harry and it was now that Harry saw how beautiful the boy was. He had blond hair and brown, almost black, eyes. He wasn't much older than Harry, maybe two years. Harry estimated him to be 20 years old. The younger one however was much younger than he was. "Hello." Harry said.

"I'm Mr. Malfoy's slave and Marcus here too." Ben said.

Harry noticed that Ben didn't show any emotion when he said the word slave. Harry would never even _think _the word. 

"We've heard much about you Harry, is it alright if I call you Harry?" Ben continued.

Harry nodded as Marcus suddenly ran away and stormed into a room.

"Don't mind him. He's a bit weird." Ben told Harry. 

Harry forced himself to smile a bit.

"Were you allowed to leave your master's room already?" Ben asked, walking on together with Harry. However they were heading to the big stairs again. 

"Ehm... I don't know. He wasn't there, so ehm.. I went to look for him," Harry lied, blushing in crimson.

Ben laughed. "I would be very surprised if you were really looking for Mr. Malfoy. Don't worry I can understand the fact that you want to escape."

"You want to escape too?" Harry asked surprised.

Ben frowned. "No, why would I. I like it here. My Master is good for me," Ben replied.

Harry's stomach fell to his feet. "Your master is good for you?" Harry asked with widened eyes.

"Yes, why would I want to leave when I'm perfectly happy here. Mr. Malfoy is a very generous man." Ben answered.

Now Harry's jaw fell open. "In the real world you would be free. You wouldn't have to be raped every night." Harry argued.

"Raped? I'm not raped. I serve my master." Ben answered indignantly.

Harry clenched his jaw. He was getting terribly annoyed by Ben's answers. "Are you brainwashed?" Harry asked, regretting his question the second it left his mouth.

To his surprise Ben laughed and answered, "You will understand that you can enjoy your work when you get used to it."

They were now standing next to Draco's bedroom door. "I don't think I will." Harry said.

"Here you go," Ben said, opening the door. "Mr. Malfoy will be coming later. His father wasn't pleased when he heard how Mr. Malfoy had treated you. I feel sorry for you when I heard about it."

"Oh," was the only thing Harry could think of to say.

"I wouldn't try to escape. It's no use. House elves guard you every day and you wouldn't get far if you did escape. There's a dangerous forest filled with enormous creatures surrounding the Malfoy Manor. Preventing unwanted people to get in and wanted people to get out." Ben explained.

Harry nodded. "Well, bye. I hope we talk again soon." Harry lied. He did not want to see this boy ever again. It was as if he was under somekind of curse. How could you ever call Lucius a generous man and mean it, then say you're not raped and on top of it say that I'll find pleasure in Malfoy's raping. He's totally out of his mind in that pretty head of his.

Harry sighed and walked into Draco's bedroom again, while Ben shut the door behind him. The world was getting weirder and weirder. 

~*~

**watching me wanting me  
I can feel you pull me down  
saving me raping me  
watching me**

~*~

Harry collapsed on the bed, pain rushing through his back. "Shouldn't have done that," he said to himself, while his hand supported his back as he sat up again.

Although he hadn't walked for more than thirty minutes it felt as if he had been walking all day. He leaned against one of the posters and closed his eyes for a second. 

What if Malfoy brainwashed him, just like Lucius had done with Ben? Or was it just that Ben never knew another way of 'working'... and poor Marcus. That little boy was already used as a sex toy. It was just not fair. He would grow up here, like Ben and have absolutely no idea how things should be. No dignity at all. 

He had a full grown body and it hurt like hell. Imagine how painfull it would be when you were just a little boy, like Marcus. No wonder he went mad. That boy shouldn't even know what sex is yet. He never had a change to find out what it is for himself. He never had the period in his life that kissing is extremely disgusting. 

~*~

**but oh, god, i feel i've been lied to  
lost all faith in the things i have achieved**

**~*~******

Harry sighed and wondered if there was anything he could do in this room. He was getting bored. So bored that he would consider doing homework if he had some, which wasn't the case. He had finished his school already. Graduated together with Hermione and Ron.

A faint smile appeared on his lips when he thought about all the things he and Ron would do when they got bored. They would annoy Hermione so much that she couldn't concentrate on her schoolwork anymore. Then they would do something with the three of them.

He could still remember Ron's proud face when he received his diploma. Even though his grades weren't that high, he did a good job. Hermione was the best student in their year, which wasn't a surprise. Although Malfoy didn't come far behind. 

Those were the good things and now they all thought he was dead. They'd grieved over his never found body. Would they have any hope that he was still alive? Then again knowing something for sure is better than always living with what may be false hope. He didn't know how long he had been missing. They hadn't found him that's for sure.

Harry had no idea what was going on in the real world. If Voldemort had full power... he didn't know and it was driving him crazy.

He was here completely hopeless and powerless, being raped my his enemy. Although he didn't like to pity himself, he had to admit that he was in a pretty bad situation. 

He just wanted to curl into a little ball and die. He felt dirty, utterly disgusted. The physical pain wasn't that bad. He had worse. It was the effect it had on him mentally that worried him. He didn't know how long he could take it. He feared that he would mentally snap one time. Go mad, just like the little boy. Although he didn't know if Marcus was really mad, or just being a child.

He had never thought in his life that the Malfoy family could be any worse than he had experienced. But raping a, what? 10 year old? That was the limit. It was just plain disgusting. 

Harry bit his lip. He didn't want Draco to see him crying again. No, he wouldn't cry anymore in front of Draco. The humiliation of the raping was enough.

"Goddamn It!" Harry cursed suddenly out loud. Why was he fooling himself like this. How could he not cry, when crying was one of the few things he could do to get these horrible feelings out. Why him? What had he done so terribly wrong that this was happening to him. He had always done exactly what everyone expected from him. He had saved lots of people. He would have fucking died for them and what did he get in return? This! Hadn't he suffered enough?

This was killing him, eating him up inside. Going mad was exactly what he was going to do if he didn't cry. 

Harry hit his pillow and tore it apart, screaming and crying at the same time. Feathers flew around the bed. He pulled off the sheets and tried to tare them apart, but he failed. He did not have enough strength.

He pulled the curtains off the bed and threw them in the same direction he'd thrown the sheets. If he had fire, he would have burned them. They were the proof of what happened to him. He couldn't sleep on the same sheets again, although the blood stains were gone. Now there were only a few more pillows and he tore them apart. 

He was panting heavily, still crying, and sitting on the bed surrounded by feathers. Now his whole back arched, including his hands, but he didn't mind. He had calmed down a bit.

He moved to sit against one of the posters and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down completely. This rage had taken a lot of his strength and now he longed to just sleep again.

Then the door opened and Draco stepped inside the room. Harry pulled up his eyebrows when he noticed that Draco wasn't looking that well. Actually he was looking as if he was going to be sick. He was even more pale than usual and clutching his stomach and lower back.

Draco walked straight to the bathroom, not even looking at Harry or the mess Harry made. Harry followed him with his eyes, but didn't bother to look whether he was alright. Lucius had been hard on him, Harry could see that, but he didn't pity Draco. Not after what Draco did to him.

After a few minutes Draco came back and headed towards the bed. Only then he seemed to notice that there was hardly anything left of the bed.

"Did you do this?" Draco demanded to know. Although his voice wasn't louder than a whisper.

Harry just looked away.

"Listen you fuckwit! You will not break anything that belongs to me, nor will you... Potter are you wearing my clothes?" Draco tried to yell, but again only a hoarse whisper came out.

Draco grabbed his wand and cast a few _Reparo_ spells, until there was something that looked like a bed with sheets. While Draco was doing that, Lucius came into the room observing his son.

"Draco," he began, when Draco was finished.

Draco jerked around and Harry noticed a flash of fear in his eyes.

"Have you apologised to your slave yet?" Lucius demanded.

Draco turned slightly pink and shook his head.

"Well?" Lucius said looking sternly. "Tell him what I told you to tell him. You memorised it, I know for sure. I wouldn't stop until you did."

"Harry, I'm sorry what I done to you. I've experienced the pain I caused you and know ... that I was wrong." Draco said as quickly as possible, not looking at Harry.

Harry gaped. 'Malfoy had experienced my pain? Did that mean that Lucius? No That was sick!' 

Now Lucius was looking at him, so Harry answered, "Apology accepted." 

"Good. Now that's taken care off, I expect that you will take pleasure in the time you two spend together." Lucius smiled a little too sweetly. After that he left the room.

Harry stared at Draco. He couldn't take his eyes off the boy. He wondered what if Lucius had really 'taken' Draco that way. He could see that Malfoy was having a hard time keeping an emotionless face.

'Well he got what he deserved,' Harry thought.

When Malfoy hadn't moved for about five minutes, Harry asked, "Malfoy?"

Draco was still standing in the room, his face as white as the sheets which were now on the bed again. His bottom lip trembling slightly. 

"I think I'm going to faint," Malfoy whispered, as his eyes turned away.

Harry hurried his way over to Draco and caught Draco just before the boy hit the ground. "Great. Why do I always have to save everybody?" Harry muttered, holding a not too light Draco in his arms.

He made it to the bed and almost threw Draco on the bed. He slapped Draco's cheeks a few times, until Draco's eyes fluttered open.

"Leave me alone, Potter. I want to be alone." He whispered, burying his head in the pillow next to him.

Harry looked at Draco for a while. Remembering that he was the one lying like that last night. He slid into the bed next to Draco, being tired himself. He vaguely remembered that he was supposed to sleep on the floor, but dismissed the thought and closed his eyes.

~*~

The both of them didn't wake up until late in the afternoon. Harry was the first one waking up, but he had no intention of going anywhere. So he just lay there in bed watching the enchanted ceiling of the bed.

"Potter," Draco said, when he woke up. "don't think I've changed. You're still my slave. I'm still your master and if I want sex. You're going to give it to me. I will however prepare you, although I loath to do so, because I don't want to be punished by my father again."

Harry glared at him and turned around. "Go to Hell Malfoy," he muttered.

~*~

**crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins  
i look into myself, but my own heart has been changed  
i can't go on like this  
i loathe all i've become**

**~*~**

Used songs:

**Haunted; Evanescence**

**Away From Me; Evanescence**

The words are floating out of me. I will be updating my other stories soon, I promise. I've got vacation next week! 

Love Black Elf(*Cherish) **Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!**

**(Sorry for the bad-grammar. English is my second language.)**


	4. Fallen IV

Fallen IV

**~*~**

**Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear  
Sealed with lies through so many tears  
Lost from within, pursuing the end  
I fight for the chance to be lied to again**

**~*~**

Draco was once again gone to have dinner with his family and according to him a lot of 'friends'. Harry didn't care as long as Draco didn't humiliate him in front of them.

Harry decided to go to sleep in Draco's bed, of course. He would bug the little snobbish spoiled earthworm as much as he could. Just when sleep seemed to come, it wasn't easy to fall asleep when you slept most of the day, Draco stumbled into the bedroom again.

Harry looked up, curious why Draco was making so much noise and noticed that Draco looked drunk. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. Hoping Draco would leave him alone.

He was out of luck.

"Potter, open your eyes. I know you're not sleeping. I might be drunk, but I'm not stupid you fag," Draco said angrily, standing next to his side of the bed.

"I'd rather not," Harry replied, keeping his eyes shut.

"Fine. I just wanted a decent conversation with you." Draco pouted.

Harry's eyes snapped open and he sat up. "I don't think you're capable of having a decent conversation, not even when you're sober."

"You're always ruining things!" Draco whined.

Harry snorted, he had to admit that a drunk Draco could be quite funny. "Just leave me alone and let me sleep."

"Aw! Come on Pottie!" Draco whined even harder. 

"Not when you're drunk Malfoy," Harry replied. "and don't ever call me Pottie!"

"You know? I think you might need a drink yourself." Draco obviously thought out loud. He walked towards a closet and grabbed some bottles. He walked back to the bed and placed one in front of Harry's eyes. "Drink!" he ordered.

"And be poisoned? No thanks," Harry said, sitting up again. He handed the bottle to Draco again, but Draco didn't take it from him.

"It's not poisoned, Potter. Besides I really really think you need a drink," Draco said, placing his hands on his hips.

"Malfoy, I don't need a drink!" Harry yelled angrily, not knowing what to do with the bottle of Martini.

"Sure Potter..." Draco rolled his eyes and took a large gulp of his bottle. "You, I know this for sure, have a lot of things you want to forget."

Harry lifted one eyebrow. "I won't drink just to forget, Malfoy!" he spat. "I will remember everything when I'm sober again anyway."

"Yes, but you will have a few hours without troubles." Draco pointed out. 

When Harry didn't answer, Draco continued;

"I'll keep you awake anyway with my constant chatting," 

"Oh! Alright," Harry growled, taking a large lurge of his bottle of Martini.

Draco was watching in amusement when Harry turned slightly pink and started to cough. He jumped on the bed and sat down next to Harry.

Harry who got over his coughing took another lurge to show Draco that he could drink. 

"And are you forgetting already?" Draco asked Harry curiously after Harry'd almost emptied his bottle.

Harry looked at him oddly. "I would never forget the fact that you fucked me against my will Malfoy." He said angrilly.

"I didn't forget the fact that my father did the same to me either..." Draco suddenly said a bit sadly. "Maybe this stuff isn't working as good as I thought." 

Harry put away his bottle, feeling as if he was going to be sick. Drinking on a nearly empty stomach wasn't a good thing. "Don't you realise after what your father did to you that it is wrong?" Harry asked still angry.

Draco turned towards him. "Why should it be wrong? It was my punishment." Draco said, looking at him oddly.

~*~

**You will never be strong enough  
You will never be good enough  
You were never conceived in love  
You will not rise above******

~*~

"And what about me. What is it you do to me? Are you punishing me too?" Harry yelled.

"No... You're my slave. I can do with you as I wish," Draco said.

Harry clenched his jaw and fought the urge to punch Draco in his pretty little face. "You're out of your mind!" Harry yelled, stepping out of the bed.

Draco grabbed his arm and pulled him back in bed, pinning him on the bed. "Haven't I told you not to speak to me like that?" Draco asked with raised eyebrows.

"No. I don't recall you telling me that." Harry spat.

"Well I'm telling you now," Draco almost yelled.

"Screw you, Malfoy!" Harry yelled right in his face as Draco settled himself on top of his belly. Pinning his hands above his head.

"I'm allowed to punish you. Did you know that?" Draco said dangerously calm.

"Well why don't you? And kill me in the process will you?" Harry spat.

Draco sighed and let go of his hands. He placed his hands on his hips and sighed again. "Still haven't given up that idea?" Draco asked.

"No, of course not. Everything is better than staying here," Harry replied, looking away from Draco.

Draco sighed. "Everything? I don't think you want to be Lord Voldemort's slave... Or my fathers," Draco said. "They're worse than me, trust me."

Harry looked thoroughly disgusted for a second. "What happened to Voldemort after the battle? Did I hurt him bad?" Harry asked curiously. He'd been trying to ask Draco questions earlier, but it just didn't seem to be the right time.

"I don't know," Draco said. "I wasn't there,"

"You weren't there? Why?" Harry asked surprised.

"I just wasn't there, Potter." Draco said uncomfortable.

"Oh! Come on! There has to be a reason that Death Eater of the year Draco Malfoy wasn't there! It was the battle of the century," Harry exclaimed.

"I had some problems," Draco said eager to drop the subject. Draco suddenly didn't seem that drunk anymore. 

"Some problems?" Harry asked, frowning.

"Yes. I had some trouble getting out of the closet, alright?" Draco said, covering his mouth with his hand as soon as the words left his mouth.

"You were locked in a closet during the battle?" Harry laughed, obviously not getting Draco's point.

Draco rolled his eyes, getting annoyed by Harry's laughter. "Very funny, Potter. Now shut up," Draco said sternly.

It only increased Harry's laughter, soon tears of laughter were rolling over Harry's cheeks. 

"Ok, that's enough, Potter." Draco exclaimed, utterly annoyed. That boy could be so fucking stupid sometimes! "Stop laughing, damn it!"

"Locked... in ... closet," Harry laughed, clutching his stomach.

"Well I'm glad you find this so amusing, Potter." Draco said through clenched jaws.

This was very, very annoying and Harry was getting on his nerves. He had to stop the boy from laughing, before he hurt him.

Harry couldn't stop laughing. The mental image of Draco locked in a closet was so funny. Suddenly Draco pressed a rough kiss against his lips, stopping his air supply though his mouth. Harry inhaled through his nose, utterly shocked by the feeling of Draco's lips on his. His laughter died immediately.

Draco released his lips and grinned because of the look on Harry's face. "I'm glad I found a way to make you shut up," Draco smirked.

Harry looked at Draco disgusted. "Ew! Malfoy, you're sick!" Harry said, whiping his mouth with his arm.

Draco sniggered softly. "I've heard that before, Potter." Draco said. "In this world, you're just going have to accept the things as they are."

Harry looked directly into Draco's eyes and saw a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. Draco quickly moved off him and walked to the bathroom, leaving Harry shocked on the bed.

"Potter, get in here!" Draco yelled after some time.

Harry rolled his eyes and stepped out of the bed, making his way to the bathroom as well. He felt the effects of the alcohol, while he was walking. Draco was standing before the mirror, holding the sink as if he would fall if he didn't. There was an empty bottle of Martini in his hands.

"Take off my clothes." Draco ordered, his voice as cold as ice. Taking his wand and aimed it at Harry.

Harry took in a sharp breath. 'Please, no... not again,' he begged Draco mentally. He took off his sweater and dropped it next to him on the floor. With shivering fingers he moved to open the buttons on his shirt. His fingers were trembling too hard to succeed.

"For fucks sake!" Draco exclaimed, rolling his eyes. He walked to Harry and began to unbutton Harry's shirt.

Harry bit his lip and closed his eyes. The amusement he had felt a few minutes ago was completely gone. Instead he was scared of what it might do to him. He was afraid he'd go mad if things kept on going like this.

Draco was finished unbuttoning his shirt and slid it over his shoulders, making Harry shiver. Draco didn't have to do much to get Harry's pants off, they dropped to his ankles by themselves.

Draco's fingers ran over Harry's skin. "Do you think having sex when you're drunk is better than when you're sober?" Draco asked Harry, but he didn't get an answer.

Annoyed he pressed Harry against the wall and took off Harry's boxer.

"We're going to do it a bit different this time," Draco said. "Just for fun."

"Fine!" Harry spat. Draco was standing in front of him observing his body and it made Harry feel disgusted. Everything Draco did to him made him feel disgusted. If only he could get out of here. He was sick and tired of feeling these feelings. Draco's power over him made him feel so weak. He wanted to punch Draco in his face and he would if this went on much longer. 

"This time, you'll _hold_ me. I'm tired of shagging a lifeless piece of meat," Draco said, taking off his own clothes.

"I'm not going to _hold_ you, Malfoy!" Harry exclaimed angrilly. 

"Yes you are," Draco answered. He pinned Harry against the wall and kissed Harry's neck.

Harry tried to push Draco off him, but Draco's grip on his was just too strong. Draco stepped back and smirked, taking off his remaining clothes.

Harry made a run to the door, but Draco grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "We can play rough, if you want to..." Draco said innocently. "Do you want it rough, Potter?" he whispered in Harry's ear. "You didn't like it the last time."

"You're mad!" Harry exclaimed, getting desperate. It wouldn't take much more to make him crying.

"No, I'm drunk," Draco corrected him. "Come on, Potty. You'll enjoy it,"

Draco grabbed Harry's hand and guided him back to his bedroom with some troubles. He pushed Harry on the bed and straddled his hips. 

"Just relax, Potty," Draco whispered in Harry's ear. Licking his ear lobe softly. Once again Harry was lying underneath Draco like a dead piece of meat, which annoyed Draco extremely. His cold hands moved downwards to Harry's groin. 

Harry's eyed widened as he realised what Draco was doing. "Malfoy, no!" Harry struggled, he would not take pleasure out of this.

Draco let go of his ear lobe and looked into Harry's eyes. "Don't struggle," Draco whispered, kissing the area around Harry's mouth. 

Harry shook his head, trying to avoid Draco's warm kisses, but Draco grabbed his chin with his other hand and made him lie still. His other hand reached the end of his trip and closed around Harry's cock.

Harry cursed underneath his breath, holding in a moan. Draco was doing miracles with his hand and it got harder and harder not to give in. The more Harry gave in the more he was disgusted by himself.

Draco was still covering his face face with sweet hot kisses and released Harry's chin. Harry was far to occupied to notice. "Told you, you would like it." Draco whispered, kissing his lips. 

Harry began to pant moving along with Draco's rhythm. Just as quick as Draco's hand grabbed Harry's cock, Draco's hand left again. Leaving Harry eager to be released.

Although Harry told himself over and over again, not to give into the heat. He hadn't succeeded. His forehead was covered with sweat

"I would take you inside me, but that's not really what a master's supposed to do," Draco said, caressing Harry's hair. "You're beautiful."

Harry frowned, snapping back to reality. "Malfoy, get off me!" he exclaimed, pushing Draco off him.

"I'm not going to leave you like this. I'm not that cruel," Draco said.

Harry groaned. The lower part of his body body was still fluttering and tickling as if he couldn't lie still.

Draco moved back on top of him and brushed his arousal over Harry's. Amused by the reaction he saw on Harry's face. It was as if the boy'd never experienced something like this before. Oh Merlin, what if he didn't? What if Potter really was as innocent as they said. Draco quickly shook off the thought and slid one finger into Harry.

Harry yelped. He still wasn't completely recovered from the last time Draco had taken him, but after a few seconds it started to feel good. Which made him try to think of unpleasant things, not to give in.

Draco added a second finger and wiggled a bit. Harry only squeaked, as a result of an suppressed yelp. It didn't hurt at all and felt a bit slippery. Harry was glad that Draco'd used something this time. He was having a hard time trying to remain quiet and uneffected.

Draco removed his fingers and settled underneath Harry. Slowly he slid into the boy, after making sure he'd used enough lube. Harry whimpered, clutching the sheets. 

"Does it hurt?" Draco asked, pressing his body against Harry's.

"Of course it does!" Harry spat, the exciting feeling leaving his body. He realised he was back in hell.

Draco wiped away the sweat from Harry's forehead with his hand. He noticed that Harry was staring at the enchanted sky above them, trying to get his mind off the things he did to the boy. He sighed and burried his face into Harry's neck, not moving one bit although his body was eager to do so.

"Just give in, Potter." Draco whispered, caressing Harry's face. "It's no use to reject it all the time. You're going to be here a long time and if you keep pushing it away I'll continue hurting you. When it can be pleasant." When Draco looked up he saw that Harry was crying.

"You're asking me to give in? Have you any idea what you're doing to me?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I have. Remember?" Draco replied.

"Then why are you doing this to me," Harry asked, tears running over his cheeks. 

"You won't understand," Draco answered. "Just let me release you,"

Harry didn't answer, so Draco grabbed Harry's arousal and started moving slowly. 

**~*~**

**They'll never see  
I'll never be  
I'll struggle on and on to feed this hunger  
Burning deep inside of me**

**~*~**

It didn't take long to release Harry or himself, but Harry was still crying silent tears. Even when Draco released him, tears kept coming. Draco bit his lip, cleaning up the mess he made before lying down next to Harry.

He felt completely sober now, but Harry didn't know that. He carefully grabbed Harry and pressed the boy against him. 

Harry struggled. "Get your hands off me!" Harry yelled, punching Draco in his chest.

"Just go to sleep," Draco said, refusing to let go of Harry.

Harry struggled a bit longer, but was obviously too tired to continue and just turned around.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry even tighter and had no idea it would feel so good to fall asleep with Harry's back against his chest. Harry's hair in his face. Harry's smell in his nose.

Tomorrow he'd just say he was drunk...

**~*~**

**Rest in me and I'll comfort you  
I have lived and I died for you  
Abide in me and I vow to you  
I will never forsake you**

**~*~******

Used:

**Lies – Evanescence**

Please Review.


	5. Fallen V

Fallen V

~*~

_I'm falling forever_

_I'm Going Under_

~*~

The next morning Draco woke up, feeling something warm against him. He slowly opened his eyes and realised that Harry was still lying in his arms. Carefully he released Harry and walked towards the bathroom. He had a lot to think about.

He seemed to have broken Harry, but it wasn't as much fun as he thought it would be. To see the boy crumble in front of him was no fun.

He'd pleased his father in every way to get a slave. He wanted a slave to get rid of this urge lingering deep inside him. The urge was always there. At first Draco had thought it was because he was gay. Now he knew that he was wrong. This urge wasn't because he wanted to be released in a sexual way.

The sex he had with Harry was good, but last night was even better. To see the boy taking a bit of the pleasure for himself was so much better than claiming all the pleasure. He had taken Harry's first sexual experience without asking. Of course it wasn't normal to take any sexual experience without asking, but the first was different for some reason. Your first sexual experience should be something enchanting. His hadn't been that enchanting, it had been horrible. Now he'd done the same to Harry.

All though he always told himself that guilt was a feeling he didn't have. He was sure that he was feeling it now and he had no clue how to fix it.

He couldn't set Harry free. His father would kill him. He couldn't stop touching Harry. For one his father would notice and to be honest... he just couldn't stay away from the boy. The urge to posses Harry was too big.

He could try to be friendly towards Harry, but that would only make the situation more awkward and him more vulnerable. Opening his heart to someone was not something he was familiar with. 

Although his father raised him well, he'd always known that his father was wrong. He couldn't admit it in front of Harry, for his father would find out, but his father was wrong. He wasn't stupid and although all the Slytherin's had slaves, he knew that it was wrong. It was wrong to decide for another person, to force yourself into them. To hurt them so bad, mentally and physically. 

Harry would never be like the his father's slaves. He knew that his father had trained his slaves, but Harry knew the difference between the real world and the dark world he was living in.

Harry would never be truly his.

Draco sighed and walked back to the bedroom, watching Harry sleep peacefully. He wondered how Harry could sleep so beautifully, after everything that happened to him.

When he first heard that Harry died, he didn't want to believe it. All his life he'd spend so many time trying to make Harry's life a living hell, but when he heard Harry was dead he was in shock. There was this feeling inside him, which he didn't recognise. The thought of Harry being gone forever just didn't appeal him as much as he used to think. As he was supposed to think. It didn't appeal him at all.

Draco ran a hand through his loose hair, which was much longer than in Hogwarts. He could not understand the feelings inside him. The urge to caress Harry was just as big as the urge to hurt the boy.

He hated the boy. He always had. Or did he only hate Harry because he was supposed to hate him?

He didn't know. He was so confused.

Draco bit his lip and decided to go back to bed. There was nothing he could do in this house anyway. Except 'playing' with Harry.

Would Harry ever know what his real feelings were? That he felt abandoned and so completely miserable in this house. Would he ever have the courage to tell Harry...

His life wasn't perfect. It had been far from perfect since... he couldn't even remember the last moment he'd been truly happy. Everything inside him had been numb. His heart was cold, nearly frozen. His eyes blind for reality. His ears deaf for everything he didn't want to hear. His father raised him to play dirty games. 

His father deceived him in his face and yet he was to weak to realise it. To go against it.

Draco knew damn well why his father gave him Harry. His father thought that he would change back to the Draco he was. The fact was that he could never be that Draco again. Not after everything that happened. 

His father had made a mistake bringing Harry here. Now he was forced to think, see and hear Harry's cries. His father had made a mistake raping him. Now he knew what hurt he had caused. His father made him see and feel. His father had made a mistake forbidding him to leave the house, afraid he might do bring shame upon the Malfoy name. 

He did not like to admit it, but when his father brought Harry home he had been glad. Glad, because he had someone to talk to, to fight with, but he ruined it. He ruined it, because of the fear that lingered inside him. Fear for his father. Fear that his father might actually place a spell upon him, because he wasn't what his father wanted him to be.

He didn't understand. His father had sex with young boys, yet he had been disgusted when he noticed his affection towards boys. His father's boys.

He was supposed to marry a woman, he knew that. His father told him that every day. He didn't understand it though. The wizard society wasn't against gay people anymore. There were accepted, just like straight people were. And yet his father found it a shame. Such a shame that he locked his son away until he found the perfect wife. In the mean time he hoped that Draco would fulfill his seksual needs, using Harry and marry a woman when the time was right.

Maybe Draco wasn't strong enough to live a lie. He wasn't as strong as his father. He was weak.

Draco bit his lip and slid back under the covers of his bed. Feeling Harry's warmth next to him. He realised that things had to change dramatically if he wanted to get rid of this urge lingering inside him. If he wanted to fill this dark emptyness inside him. The dark emptyness he wasn't supposed to feel, being on the dark side.

There was something inside him that needed to be released. There was something inside him that needed to be comforted. 

He didn't know why he was doing all these things, because in the end all he wanted was to be loved. Knowing that he would never get that someone. 

At first he had hope that that someone could maybe be Harry, but he ruined it. Harry would spend the remainings of his days hating him. He hurt the boy. He deserved nothing but Harry's hate. He couldn't believe that he'd ruined it so badly for himself.

~*~

_Closing your eyes to disappear  
You pray your dreams will leave you here,  
But still you wake and know the truth -  
No one's there._

~*~

Harry woke up and looked beside him. Draco was lying next to him, sleeping soundly. There was a small tear in the corner of his eye.

Harry frowned. What in Merlin's name could be so bad in Malfoy's life, causing him to cry... 

He turned around forcing himself not to think about last night, but images kept flashing around in his head. He grasped the sheets out of despair. The images had to go. He was so disgusted by himself. 

Curled up in a little ball, Harry tried to force himself to think about Hogwarts. He succeeded, but those thoughts remembered him of what he'd lost. 

To him life was about three things. _Love_, _Friendship_ which would lead to _Happiness_. What was the point of living if you lost them all, not to get them back ever again? Love, the only time he really felt loved was in Hogwarts and when Sirius was still alive. He'd never experienced true love, if such a thing even existed and now he would never experience it... Not when he stayed locked away untill 'his master' got sick of him. 

Friendship. He had the best friends someone could wish for. They loved him no matter what. Supported him in everything. Catched him when he was falling. Now he was falling and there was no one to catch him. No one to keep him from slipping into the darkness. They didn't know what he was feeling, they didn't even know he was still alive. 

If those things were gone, never to come back. If you were in a situation which was driving you to the end. As if you were standing on the edge, almost falling into madness. Then what exactly is the point of living?

The point of living with hope, which you know is false. When you know that the following days of your live are the same. You'll experience the same hurt, the same shame. While you cannot push the thoughts from the previous days out of your head. 

Crawling, your crawling through the remainings days of your life. With wounds that will not heal. Oblivious to everything around you, only feeling the pain inside you. Craving for love and tenderness.

There is no point in living, when all the good things are gone except for a memory. A vague memory that makes you want to go back.

Harry was crying again. Crying seemed to be the only thing he could do these last days. Crying hard, gasping for air every now and then. When he started it was as if he couldn't stop. Even when his tears stopped, he was still crying. As if that was the only thing keeping him sane.

~*~

_I know you hear me,  
I can taste it in your tears._

~*~

Behind him Draco woke up, realising it was Harry making so much noise. He stared at Harry's back for a few minutes, remaining silent. Awaiting the moment that Harry would stop crying, but it didn't come. 

Draco carefully moved closer to Harry, not knowing what to do. He hated the boy with passion, but this was tearing his heart out. Knowing he caused it, made it even worse. He wondered if this was what guilt felt like, because it felt horrible.

He placed a cold hand upon Harry's shoulder, but Harry didn't move. Draco didn't know if the boy didn't care, or didn't notice. The urge to touch Harry was so strong, too strong to resist. His hand caressed Harry's soft hair and still Harry didn't move.

Draco tentatively moved his hand over Harry's arm, knowing he would have no defense what-so-ever if Harry questioned him about his actions. Yet he did not stop. He pressed his chest against Harry's back, offering him comfort. If only Harry would take it... Now the boy was just lying there, numb to the world.

Draco could smell the salty tears, when he placed a soft kiss on Harry's hair. Harry smelled so good, even if he smelled like salty tears. 

~*~

_Can you hear me?  
Can you feel me in your arms?___

_Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
  
_

~*~

Harry snapped back to reality, realising someone was holding him and comforting him. Just like he craved for, but the person was wrong. The person had the wrong intentions.

He realised that Draco was the only thing keeping him alive. If Draco would just let him die, he would with pleasure even. Only Draco would let him go, the boy wanted to torture him even more. 

Didn't Draco see that he was already broken, Shattered? And now Draco was holding him, just like last night. It felt good, but so did last night. It felt good, because his body craved for it not his mind. His mind was telling him to scream, yell and fight. He had to yell, he couldn't let Draco play with him like this. Shattering even the shattered pieces of him.

"Malfoy, what the fuck are you doing?" Harry wanted to yell, but he could only whisper.

It took Draco long to reply. "You were crying," Draco answered, just as soft.

Harry roughly whiped away the tears on his cheeks. "It's almost as if you really care, Malfoy." Harry succeeded to spat, jerking his arm away from Draco's.

Draco rolled away from Harry, not replying.

Harry frowned, suddenly feeling suffocated. He had to get out of this cursed bed. Shaking slightly he stepped out of the bed, making his way towards the bathroom.

He slammed the door shut behind him, so hard that the mirror on the wall fell down. Shattering in little pieces in front of him.

Dark thoughts rushed through his head. Here right in front him was all he needed. It was time, time to leave this hell.

He knew that there was something after this life. He wanted to see his father and mother again. He wanted to hug Sirius. He wanted to be happy and feel loved again.

~*~

_I'll miss the winter  
A world of fragile things  
Look for me in the white forest  
Hiding in a hollow tree___

_Say goodnight, don't be afraid  
Calling me, holding me, as you fade to black_

_Sweet rapture and life,  
It ends here tonight.  
  
__Holding my last breath...___

~*~

He began to pant slightly. Even though there was nothing left to stay for, he still had hope that his friends would find him. Now he realised that if they did, he would never be the same. He would never like to be intimate with someone again. He would never be truly happy again.

This would haunt him in his thoughts and in his dreams forever, untill he was released by death.

They already thought he was dead and the point of living was gone.

He collapsed on the floor, grabbing a piece of glass. He watched his reflection and saw how bad he was doing. His eyes were dull, his cheeks pale. He was nothing but a _shadow_. A dark shadow. His soul was already dead, the only thing that was still living was his body. 

He pressed the glass into his finger, checking if it was sharp enough. He bit his lip, feeling the pain. To his surprise it felt _good_. A drop of blood dripped from his finger and splashed on the floor.

Harry sucked the blood from his finger, getting dizzy from the taste. 

He realised that he had to hurry, if he didn't want some elf or Draco noticing it. Without thinking he pressed the glass against his wrist, pushing hard. He wanted to make sure he hit the blow vein.

He took in a sharp breath, bolding his fist. He couldn't afford to make a noise. To his satisfaction the blood flowed out of his wrist. He took the piece of glass in his bleeding hand, which was covered with blood and cut his other wrist a bit faster.

Somewhat shocked be dropped the glass, crawling backwards to the wall.

He sat against the wall, looking to the ceiling. His wrists hurt like hell, but he had to hold on. He had to get out of here.

His sight went blurry and he smiled to himself. He didn't feel the pain anymore. He escaped afterall...

~*~

_Fallen Angels at my feet  
Whispered Voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet My End___

~*~

Draco felt like screaming. Why couldn't he make Harry see that even though they were supposed to be enemies. And even though he hurt Harry so bad, over and over again. That he was just as sick of this life as Harry was. He couldn't say that he didn't meant to hurt Harry, because he did.

He just wanted to undo it now. He didn't need Harry in that way. He needed Harry in a different way, now he was pushing Harry away.

Draco frowned. Harry had been in the bathroom awfully long. He'd expected Harry to come back and shout at him, but he didn't.

Maybe he'd pushed Harry over the edge... Worry suddenly clouded his mind and he rushed towards the bathroom.

He opened the door and saw a pieces of a mirror lying in a pool of _blood. _Next to him Harry lay on the floor in the same pool. His wrists pressed against his chest. His eyes shut...

~*~

_So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry._

_Then you look at me  
You're not shouting anymore  
You're silently broken___

~*~

~*~

Used songs:

Going Under –Evanescence

My Last Breath –Evanescence 

Whisper –Evanescence 

Forgive Me –Evanescence

This will be continued...

Thank you all so much for all your reviews! I'm really flattered. Please Review again!

Somebody asked me if Lies was really a song from Evanescence. Yes it is. It's a very pretty song. If you want it, add me to your msn-buddies and I'll send it to you. (icequeen863@hotmail.com)

Love,

Black Elf(*Cherish)


	6. Fallen VI

Fallen VI

_I'm sorry if this chapter sucks. It's boring and short, I know. I'm just trying to show Draco's side of the story._

~*~

_I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands  
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone  
I can hear you in a whisper  
But you can't even hear me screaming_

_~*~___

He opened the door and saw a pieces of a mirror lying in a pool of _blood. _Next to him Harry lay on the floor in the same pool. His wrists pressed against his chest. His eyes shut... smiling

"Oh Fuck!" Draco yelled, completely in shock. His hands started to tremble, his mind went blank. He didn't know what to do. Harry Potter was lying on the floor, welcoming death with a smile.

Draco rushed towards Harry and collapsed next to the boy. He took Harry's wrist and saw that blood was still floating out of the cut. He closed his hand around it, hoping it would stop. "Potter." He tried. 

No response.

Draco let go of one arm and pressed his hand against Harry's neck, checking Harry's pulse. There was none, he couldn't feel a thing. Harry's skin was cold, too cold.

Anger rushed over Draco. "Potter! Potter!" He yelled, slapping Harry's cheek. 

Again no sign.

Draco grabbed his wand. He had no idea what kind of spell to perform. He spoke a few healing spells, closing Harry's cuts. It didn't have any effect, for Harry'd lost too much blood already.

"You're so cold," Draco said softly, taking Harry's hands in his. He started rubbing the boy's hands. He didn't know if it had any effect. 

He couldn't go to his father, Lucius would let Harry die. Lucius would see the care for Harry in his eyes and kill the boy in front of him. He'd done that before. To make him stronger.

~*~

_Frozen inside without your touch,  
without your love, darling.  
Only you are the life among the dead.  
  
All of this sight  
I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark  
but you were there in front of me_

~*~

Draco decided that he had to get Harry out of the bathroom, out of this bloody mess. He carefully lifted Harry and carried him to his bedroom. Harry was hanging lifeless in his hands. There was no sign of life in the boy. Was Harry already dead?

Draco bit his lip, placing Harry's body on his bed. He didn't care that his sheets got dirty. He didn't care about anything, as long as Harry came back to him.

"Please, don't be dead. Potter!" Draco begged, covering the boy with blankets. Never in his life, Draco had felt so worried and so helpless. "Libby! Libby!" Draco called his house elf. Maybe she knew what to do.

With a plop the house elf stood beside him. "Yes Master Draco?" she asked calmly, not noticing Harry.

"Libby! Can't you see that Harry is dying! Do something!" Draco yelled, pointing at Harry. He covered his mouth with his hand, only to discover that it was covered with blood. He didn't take the time to wipe away the blood.

"What does Master Draco want me to do?" Libby asked, looking at Harry.

"To Bloody Save him!"  Draco yelled. "He lost a lot of blood. He needs to receive more blood,"

"Harry Potter is on his way to after-life, Master. Master really wants me to bring him back?" Libby asked shivering.

"Yes!" Draco yelled.

Libby started to tremble, but placed her hands upon Harry's chest and closed her eyes. 

Draco watched her. She started glowing a bit but other than that, nothing happened.

Libby's eyes snapped open again. "Harry Potter is not wanting to come back to life." she said sadly. "He says you no longer control his life and that you should leave him alone."

"But he has to come back!" Draco said, blinking to force back his tears. "Try again,"

Libby sighed and placed her hands upon Harry's chest again, only to open them a second later. "Harry Potter says sod off," Libby said, stepping away from Harry's body.

"What am I to do? I want Harry back. Can't you force him?" Draco asked, tears rolling over his cheeks.

Libby bit her lip. "Libby can force Harry Potter, but Libby is not wanting to force Harry Potter. Master Draco is hurting Harry Potter badly. Libby is not wanting to see that again," Libby said softly.

Draco grabbed Libby by her shoulders. "I need you to get Harry! I promise I won't hurt him again. Please don't let him die!" Draco cried.

Libby pressed her lips together, while tears came into her eyes. "Master Draco will promise?" she asked.

"Yes, I promise." Draco sighed.

Libby placed her hands on Harry's chest for the third time and closed her eyes. 

Draco sat on the bed and crawled towards Harry, sitting on the other side. He saw that Libby started to tremble and glow. "Please come back, Please." Draco whispered. He didn't dare to touch Harry, while Libby was doing her thing, but he wanted to.

Draco could see that Libby was clenching her jaws together, sweat appeared on her little forehead. This was taking long, but he had no idea how long it would take. He looked around and saw the portrait in his room coming back. Quickly he closed the curtains around his bed. He didn't want his father to know about Harry's attempt to kill himself.

Now he was sitting in the dark with a glowing house elf. Harry wasn't showing any signs and Draco was beginning to get worried. 

"Harry, Harry, please come back." He whispered again, not knowing what to say or do. He felt so helpless. The only thing he needed was dying in front of him.

Then suddenly Libby's eyes snapped open and she collapsed on the floor. Draco yelped in shock and leaned over Harry to see if she was alright.

"Libby, Libby." He called. Luckily the house elf stirred and crawled back on her feet. "Did it work?" He didn't know how hard his heart was racing, but it wasn't normal.

Libby shook her head. "Harry Potter is stubborn sir. Harry Potter is standing on the edge. Master Draco has to give Harry Potter reason to live." Libby whispered, expecting Draco to punish her.

"What must I do?" Draco asked, confused.

"Harry Potter feels and hears, Master Draco. Master Draco has to figure out himself." Libby said, getting ready to plop away.

"Wait! I do not know what to do. Can't you help me?" Draco asked desperately.

"Libby cannot, Master Draco. Libby is sorry," Libby said, vanishing in front of him.

Draco sat back on the bed, looking at Harry. Harry's hear was still soaked in blood, so was his back. He tentatively removed a few strings of hair out of Harry's face. He felt so alone. He didn't know if he could still save Harry. Harry didn't want to be saved, to Harry death was his rescuer not Draco.

"God Damn it, Harry!" Draco swore, covering his face with his hands. Tears came flowing out of his eyes again. He burried his face into Harry's neck. 

He noticed a slight pulse and sighed. He sat back, realising Harry wouldn't like the fact that Draco touched him.

"Harry... I don't know what to say," Draco admitted. While the tears didn't seem to stop. "I know what you feel and felt. I do, ... I did and yet I didn't stop. I didn't stop when I hurt you and I hurt you so bad."

"You think I don't care and I shouldn't I know."

"What I did was wrong. I know and I won't try to think up excuses. But Inside I'm Dying too, Praying everything will stop, Bleeding, Screaming. I always thought I was too lost to be saved from this hell. That when you're brought up surrounded my evil and dark things, you can't step out of it. I sold my soul just to hide the light. I used it as an excuse for so many things, towards myself and towards others. I now realise that it isn't." Draco sighed softly. "And I wonder will you be on the other side or will you forgive me..."

"Can you forgive me, now? After all I did to you? I heard your words come out. I felt like I would die. It hurt so much to hurt you. When you look in my eyes,  I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry. I never had the courage to say it to you," Draco said, grabbing Harry's hand.

"I know what it's like to long for death. Yet I didn't do my best to stop you," Draco whispered, placing a soft kiss upon Harry's fingers. Tasting Harry's blood.

"I haven't said anything yet that will make you come back. I know I'm just babbling. I'm just not good in doing these things." Draco smiled weakly. "I just wish that you'd come back and not leave me here all alone." A loud sob escaped Draco's lips. For a few minutes he couldn't do anything, but cry. He burried his face into Harry's chest to smell Harry's scent. 

Harry was lying beside him so lifeless and he was so hopeless. He didn't know what to say or what to do. He just wanted Harry to come back.

~*~

_I can't run anymore,  
I fall before you,  
Here I am,  
I have nothing left,  
Though I've tried to forget,  
You're all that I am,  
Take me home,  
I'm through fighting it,  
Broken,  
Lifeless,  
I give up,  
You're my only strength,  
Without you,  
I can't go on,  
Anymore,  
Ever again._

~*~

When his tears had dried out, he sat up again. Harry was getting colder and paler. 

"I've got to warm you up," Draco said more to himself than to Harry. He took one of Harry's cold icy hands between his hands and tried to warm Harry up. He blew some warm air in his hands. He was getting more desperate by the minute. He searched for the right words to say, but couldn't find any. 

"I'll do anything if you come back. You can hurt me, make me bleed. Just don't leave me here all alone. My life is a hell, just like yours. I'm not allowed to go out of the house. I'm to marry some rich snobbish spoiled pretty girl, whom I do not love. My father is ashamed of me and tries to turn me straight by hurting and destroying everything I love. I'm not allowed to see my mother, because she'll make me weak. He thinks it's my mother's fault that I turned out to be gay. I think he punished her, but I haven't seen her so I don't know. He thought I would turn straight after I had you. That's why he brought you to me. He thought that maybe because I hate you so much, I'd turn straight. He's a fool and I do not hate you." Draco whispered.

"I wonder if you know how it feels. How it feels like when your father is ashamed of you. All my life I've tried to make him proud. Now he's ashamed of me, because I'm gay. Something I cannot change. I'm not strong enough."

"I don't know what I feel for you. It hurt me to hurt you, yet I cannot stop myself from doing so. Every time I hurt you I tell myself I won't do it again, but then the anger towards everything is so uncontrollable that I take it out on you. Together with this weird craving for you, I can't stop myself."

To Draco's surprise Harry stirred slightly. "Harry? Harry!" he said, but Harry remained silent.

Draco smiled slightly. "I promise I won't hurt you. I promised Libby that too. I'll take it out on something else... maybe myself? Because I deserve nothing more than hurting. I disgust myself. I really do."

"From the first time I saw you, I knew I wanted you. As a friend or just close to me, to protect me. You rejected me and I got mad. I didn't know how to get rid of this urge, so I made your life hell. Tried anyway. Yet I still craved to be you. You always seemed so happy with your friends. It just seemed so unfair. You had it all, and I had nothing." Draco bit his lip. He was still holding Harry's hand in his hands.

"So I'm really just a screwed up person. With screwed up idea's and screwed up ways to express himself. A few days ago I got a new chance to show to you that I'm not what you think I am and I screwed it up again. When you came here you opened healing wounds again. I should have left you alone."

Harry hadn't moved and Draco sighed. 

"I've failed." He whispered hoarsely, failing to hold back his tears. "You left me alone."

The smile on Harry's lips had faded away. Draco caressed Harry's cheek with two fingers. Shocked by the coldness of his skin. He tried to engrave Harry's face in a memory. Harry's beautiful features.

"I wonder if you ever really realised how beautiful you are... were," Draco whispered, covering Harry's hand with warm tears.

He pressed his lips together and wondered how nuts he must be if he longed to kiss a dead person. Yet the urge was too big to kiss Harry once more, before he called his father.

Shaking, he leaned over Harry and cupped Harry's cheek with one hand. Slowly and softly giving Harry his last kiss. Harry's lips beneath his were cold, but soft. Draco wetened them, making his kiss as long as possible. His tears fell upon Harry's cheeks. 

As if Draco was crying for Harry.

Draco released Harry's lips from his, kissing both of Harry's cheeks and his hands. After that he sat back up and whiped away his tears.

"Goodbye Harry. I'll never forget you. I'll always wish that I'm as strong as you were..."

~*~

_How can you see into my eyes  
like open doors.  
Leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb.  
Without a soul  
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold  
until you find it there and lead it back home._

_I can't wake up.  
Wake me up inside.  
Save me.  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
Wake me up.  
Bid my blood to run.  
I can't wake up.  
Before I come undone.  
Save me.  
Save me from the nothing I've become_

~*~

Draco stepped from the bed. He wanted to cover Harry's face with the sheets, but he just couldn't. He couldn't, he was weak once again. 

Touching Harry for the last time, he forced himself to turn around and walk away.

"I'm still here."

~*~

TBC...

I used Evanescence Lyrics in Draco's words too.

Please Review.


	7. Fallen VII

**Fallen VII**

I'll be using **Within Temptatio**n Lyrics in this chapter too. They're a Gothic-Rock group from Holland and write the most beautiful songs. If you want a few songs let me know.

_~*~_

_These are the darkest clouds   
To have surrounded me   
Now I find my self alone caught in a cage_

_~*~_

"I'm still here," 

Draco jerked around and ran towards the bed, towards Harry. It had been barely a whisper, but to Draco the voice had been loud and clear.

"Harry! Harry!" Draco said, while tears of happiness clouded his vision.

"Since when are you calling me Harry," Harry whispered again. There was no expression on his face and his eyes were still closed. 

"I didn't realise," Draco said frowning. He hadn't noticed the sudden change in names. He bit his lip, wondering if this was the time to ask questions. To say anything at all. Should he leave Harry alone for a while. Draco turned around to leave or at least give Harry some room.

"Oh-no, you're not going anywhere." Harry said a little louder.

Draco jerked around and noticed that Harry's eyes were staring at him. Slowly he moved back to the bed and sat on the edge of the bed. There was a long awkward silence, where Harry sighed softly several times. "Can I get you anything? Water? Maybe a bath, do you want to take a bath? I could call for Lib- oh no, I gave her the day off. I can get almost anything you want. Just tell me and I'll get it for you in a second. I know the way to the kitchen so I-"

"Malfoy," Harry broke Draco off. "I don't need anything from you, but my own freedom. I want you to set me free,"

_~*~_

_He told me he loved me   
While he laughed in my face   
He just led me astray   
He took my virtue   
I feel so cold inside   
Sorrow has frozen my mind_

_~*~_

Draco's heart sank to his stomach. That was all Harry wanted? The only thing Harry wanted was his own freedom. He bit his lip and nodded. He'd never felt so hurt before. He realised that after everything he told Harry, he was still 'the-boy-who-did-this-to-me' to Harry. "I understand," Draco whispered, standing up and walking directly to the bathroom. He didn't want Harry to see his weakness.

Draco entered the bathroom, feeling sick when he re-discovered the blood and broken mirror. He had to clean this place up. He leaned against the wall. He couldn't let Harry go. His father would go mad and the Dark Lord would kill him personally. After a lot of torture and rape. To be honest he didn't want to give Harry his freedom. 

If he gave Harry his freedom, Harry would be free to go, to leave. Draco knew for sure that Harry would leave him. He didn't even want to think about living in this hell alone, but he didn't want Harry to be unhappy either. 

After taking a few deep breaths, Draco found the strength to re-enter the room and face Harry again. It wasn't easy facing the person you hurt so badly, especially not when you just opened your heart to that person.

"Har-Potter," Draco stuttered, thinking it was probably best not to show too much emotion. "I can't set you free. If I set you free, I will be killed." Draco said, hiding behind his mask.

"I see," Harry muttered coldly. "I'll have my bath instead."

Draco let out a sigh. Were things really going back to the way they were. "OK, can you stand?" Draco asked, stepping away from the bed. Giving Harry his space.

Harry sat up and blinked a few times. He groaned and grabbed his head so tightly you'd think he was afraid it might explode. 

"Are you alright?" Draco asked worriedly.

"Fine," Harry spat.

Draco bit his lip not to spat back an insult. It was obvious that Harry was not fine, he was doing bad. He was pale, cold and covered with blood. If someone would have told him Harry was a living dead, he would have believed the person without any doubt. 

Harry tried to stand, while Draco watched him silently. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Harry asked, glaring at the blond boy.

"No I'm not." Draco said firmly. "If you would just let me help you."

"You've helped enough, thank-you-very-much." Harry spat, standing up. His feet couldn't hold his own weight, causing him to fall right into Draco's arms.

Without hessitation Draco scooped Harry in his arms, holding him like a baby and walked towards the bathroom. 

"Let you of me, you git" Harry said, trying to push Draco away from him. "I've had enough of you touching me."

When they entered the bathroom Harry fell silent. Draco could see Harry fighting away his tears as he saw the mess in the bathroom. 

"I'm sorry I should have cleaned it up," Draco apologised.

"Is that my blood?" Harry whispered. "All of it?"

Draco carefully placed Harry on a chair and grabbed his wand. The mess was gone with one swing of his wand. 

Harry sat silently in the chair, as Draco filled the bath for him. Every few seconds he let out a soft sigh.

Draco didn't dare to look Harry's way. He felt so guilty.

"Bath is ready," Draco said, when the bath had filled itself. Foam covered the furface of the water. He walked over to Harry and offered the boy a hand.

Harry took it, not looking Draco's way. Shakily Harry made his way towards the bath, sitting down on the edge. He slid into the bath right away. How he had longed for this warmth, he had been so cold. 

The bath was deep and Draco could see Harry was having a hard time keeping his head above the foam. He wondered if he should offer his help, with Harry being so incredibly stubborn.

"Is it alright if I take a bath with you?" Draco decided to ask. "I promise I won't touch you. There's enough place."

"If you want." Harry said, holding on to the edge of the bath. Preventing him to drown.

Draco took off his clothes, except his boxer. Knowing that Harry wouldn't feel comfortable around a naked him. He stepped into the bath, noticing Harry was ignoring him completely. It took him some time to wash all the blood from his hands and face.

When he looked up he saw Harry trying to get the blood off his skin too, but the boy wasn't succeeding. When he swum a bit closer, Harry's head jerked up and Harry glared at him. Draco's eyes widened. "For Merlin's sake," Draco yelled, closing the space between Harry and him. "Let me help you. I'm not going to rape you again. I gave my word,"

Harry was still trembling, but Draco pretended not to notice and took the washcloth from Harry. He rubbed the washcloth slowly over Harry's shoulders, rubbing away the dried blood. Very slowly Harry relaxed, leaning into Draco's touch.

"Why won't you just give me a chance?" Draco asked softly, noticing Harry wasn't shivering anymore.

Harry's eyes met Draco's. Draco could see the surprise in Harry's eyes and the shock.

Harry looked down, sighing softly. "You scare me. I don't feel comfortable with you. You did this to me and that will never change. You hurt me so bad that I killed myself, and now you want me to forget everything?" Harry asked, obviously upset.

"I-I don't want you to forget everything. I just want you to give me a chance. I'll try to change. I'm not always the spoiled brat everybody thinks I am," Draco whispered, washing Harry's hands.

"How do I know you'll never do _that _again?" Harry asked, fire of tears burning behind his eyes.

"Because the urge to make you feel better and to please you is stronger than the urge to satisfy this longing inside." Draco answered, his cheeks burning red.

"You were so selfish when you spoke to me," Harry said, ignoring Draco's blush. "You said I had to come back, because you didn't want to be left alone, because your fahter's ashamed of you and because you want to feel safe..."

"You heard all of that. I thought, since you didn't laugh right in my face that you might have forgotten," Draco whispered, extremely ashamed.

"How could I forget." Harry whispered back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you so bad." Draco suddenly sobbed, his fingers trailing over Harry's fresh scar on his arm. "I know you hate me and I know that you don't believe me-,"

Harry softly pressed their bodies together, silencing Draco. 

"Why did you come back?" Draco asked. The sobs died away. 

"Because I'm not as evil and bad as you?" Harry answered. 

Draco looked up from Harry's shoulder and glared.

"Honestly? I don't know." Harry said. "I guess I just couldn't leave you here all alone."

"I'm glad you couldn't," Draco whispered, pulling Harry into a final hug before releasing him. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Harry said nothing. He allowed Draco to wash his hair and upper body, but never looked Draco in the eye.

When Harry was cleaned up, Draco helped him to get out of the bath. He gave Harry a big black towel and grabbed some clothes out of his wardrobe for Harry to wear. After that he exited the bathroom, giving Harry some privacy.

_~*~_

_My heart is covered   
With thoughts entangled   
How could it ever have felt so real?   
Is there a place more lonely than I feel within?   
Could I have seen?   
Could I have known?_

_~*~_

Draco couldn't stay away long. He was far too afraid that Harry would try to hurt himself again. When he came back he found Harry crying on the floor and quickly made his way towards the shaking boy.

"Harry?"

"Why did I stay, for Merlin's sake." Harry sobbed, resting his head on his knees. "I was nearly there. I was nearly happy and I could see my family awaiting me. And then you come along, asking me to stay. You convinced my parents and even Sirius that it wasn't my time. I should have stayed. Now I have to live with this pain inside me again and it hurts so much. I'll be your slave forever, because you can't set me free and everyone else thinks I'm dead. Why did I stay?"

Draco bit his lip. He wish he knew something good to say. Something comforting, something that would take the pain away. He couldn't. His mind was blank. "I'm sorry I asked you to stay," Draco whispered.

"No, you're not. You wanted me to stay," Harry spat.

"Yes I did, but I'm still sorry." Draco said, he sat next to Harry on the floor and stared into space. 

After a while, Draco noticed Harry was shivering again.

"Let's get you into bed and we'll talk more." Draco said, offering Harry a hand.

Harry took it silently, but collapsed on the floor. The bath and the crying had worn him out to no end. Draco picked him up, this time with no struggle and carried him to the bedroom. A house elf had changed the sheets on the bed and Draco quickly closed the curtains around the bed and made sure Harry was lying comfortable. After that he cast a silencing spell around the bed, making sure the paintings didn't over his conversation with Harry. 

He sat next to Harry and sighed. He knew they had to talk. There was no other way.

"I want to make things as good as possible for you," Draco said, after a while.

"You'd better," Harry replied, but shut his mouth after Draco looked at him. "Sorry."

"I can't set you free, because we'll both get in a lot of trouble. I really do want to set you free," Draco said.

"No, you don't." Harry said raising his voice a little.

"Ok. I don't, but I would have done so if I could." Draco said. "So, here's the deal. I'll stop treating you like my slave. You can do whatever you want, as long as you don't leave the Manor and don't tell Lucius."

"Sounds fair, but what about my friends?" Harry asked.

"I don't know. If they know you're still alive, they'll come looking for you and war will start all over again. It would be a shock for them to discover you're still alive. They've just finished crying over you." Draco said. "I don't think it's a good idea, I won't get you out of the Manor anyway. The elves are watching you and you're wandless. My father will kill you, or Voldemort will. Anyway trying to escape will be your death."

"You don't want me to contact my friends?" Harry asked, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I don't care if it will be my death, I want my friends to know I'm still alive. I can't live without my friends!"

"And I do care about your death and I won't risk it. Harry, you won't get out of this Manor. No matter what you try, at least not now my father's still alive." Draco said, almost yelled.

"So you want me to wait until your father's dead? Ever imagine how big the shock will be if we wait that long?" Harry said angrily.

"Of course the shock will be big, but it'll be a big shock now too. I'm trying to keep you safe, damn it." Draco replied just as angry.

"Malfoy. You're telling me that I'll have to live here for another... what? 50 years until your fahter's dead? Live here with you? Who'd want to live with you?" Harry spat.

Draco's eyes widened. It was as if lightening just hit him, right into his chest. He could barely breathe. 

"Oh, Malfoy I'm sorry." Harry said, seeing how shocked and hurt Draco looked.

"No, it's OK. I understand. Who'd want to live with me right?" Draco whispered, a tear rolling over his cheek.

"Malfoy, I didn't mean what I said. I was just upset." Harry said.

"Yes you did and you have every reason to think like that. I'll leave you alone. You'll live your live. I'm sorry I can't set you free until my father's dead. I won't take that risk," Draco said, stepping out of the bed. "I won't bother you anymore."

"Malfoy stop. Malfoy come back. Draco!" Harry yelled after Draco, but Draco was gone. Exhausted Harry leaned back into his pillow. Drifting off into sleep before he even noticed he'd closed his eyes. 

_~*~_

_Dark wings they are descending  
See shadows gathering around  
One by one they are falling  
Every time they try to strike us down___

_~*~_

When he woke up, he realised he'd fallen asleep. He cursed and sat up, a little too fast. The dizzyness didn't stop him and he climbed from the bed. He had to find Draco.

He walked into, what looked like Draco's music room and looked around. Draco was nowhere to be seen. His eyes fell on a few paintings and his jaw dropped. There on the paintings, that was him!  And they were good. It was the Harry he used to be when he was still in Hogwarts. There was one painting where he was chasing the snitch, one where he was sitting outside in the sun and the last one was in what appeared to be Potion Class.

He wondered why he'd never been here before, but hurried out of the room as fast as he could. He had to find Draco. He searched the wardrobe, the bathroom, the small living room. Draco was nowhere. Harry sighed. He really didn't feel like leaving Draco's private chambers, but he had to find Draco.

He made his way to Draco's bedroom and opened the door towards the corridor. To his surprise he found Draco sitting next to the door, leaning against the wall. The blonde didn't look up when he opened the door, he was staring in front of him.

"Draco?" Harry asked. "I think we need to talk. There's something I need to tell you."

~*~

_Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand  
  
We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name  
  
I have dreamt of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there  
All I want is to give my life only to you  
I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore  
Let's run away, I'll take you there  
  
We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where noone needs a reason  
  
Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you  
  
_~*~

The last song was **Anywhere** from **Evanescence**, isn't it pretty?

Other songs:

**Dark Wings – Within Temptation**

**Caged – Within Temptation**

You really should listen to their songs!

I hope I didn't make too much grammar mistakes. If I did, I'm sorry! 

There'll be two more chapters. I know things are a bit weird between Draco and Harry right now, but I really don't think Harry could've forgiven Draco so easily.  

Please Review.

Lots of Love, Black Elf(*Cherish)


	8. Fallen VIII

**Fallen VIII**

****

**Thanks to my new Beta: ****BLT, DPR, Daemon, Maester, Sanity Complex**(:P, that's one person)

--

_I believe in you.  
I'll give up everything just to find you.  
I have to be with you to live, to breath...  
You're taking over me.  
  
Can you know what I know and all we have.  
You saw me mourning my love for you and touched my hand.  
I knew you loved me then._

_I look in the mirror and see your face, if I look deep enough.  
So many things inside that just frighten you are taking over_

--

_"I need to tell you something"_

"It's just that you told me... the things you told me and now I..." Harry stopped obviously nervous.

Draco moved, making space for Harry to sit. Harry sat down slowly; Draco could feel him trembling slightly.

Harry took a deep breath and continued. "When I died, or thought I died, something happened..." Harry stopped again for a moment, as if he couldn't remember.

"Yes," Draco tried to encourage Harry.

"If you promise you won't laugh in my face, or think I've gone mad." Harry whispered blushing slightly.

"I promise," Draco answered, wondering what was so hard to tell.

"I could feel a part of me slipping out of my body. My whole life I've felt comfortable in my body, connected to it. I lived in every cell of it. As my blood had stopped floating, I felt restless in my own body. As if I would feel trapped if I stayed there much longer. I was losing grip of my body, I was leaving it. I couldn't fight it; I was flying with no control over anything. Then when I looked around I could see myself lying on the floor, all the pain was gone. I was so scared, and then suddenly a little girl appeared. She whispered to me in a language I couldn't understand and was beckoning me to come. I was lingering beside my body, dreading to leave it, but she smiled and offered me her little hand. Her whole body was shining, radiating light. She looked so peaceful, sweet and beckoned me so gently. I trusted her and took her hand. Suddenly my body and the bathroom disappeared. Pitch black darkness took its place. I was scared and thought I'd made a mistake by trusting the little girl, but she turned to me and told me not to fear the darkness. This time I could understand what she said. She said it would pass, just like the night had always turned into the day. ... Am I boring you?" Harry suddenly asked.

Draco, who had listened silently, shook his head. "No, what you're telling me is so strangely comforting." he said hesitantly.

Harry smiled relieved, ready to continue to tell his experiences.

"After she said that, water appeared in front of me, although it wasn't really water. It was a black thick liquid. I thought I'd landed in hell, soon the liquid would start to burn but it never happened. A small white boat appeared in front of us. She guided me to the white boat. The black liquid couldn't touch me and her white dress remained as white as it was. We stepped into the boat and I could see a blinding white shore. When we got closer I saw four figures standing on the shore. I could recognize three figures, my father, my mother, and Sirius. I was so eager to get to them. I totally forgot about what was, but the boat stopped and the little girl turned to me. "Your name is called," she said. "Libby wants to talk to you." I saw my father and mother slowly disappearing and remembered everything that was. I told Libby to sod off and go away, reaching out for my parents. They had to take my hand; I wanted them to take my hand. Libby returned telling me that you wanted me to turn back. The little girl told me it was what was best for me, that I was too young to give up my life. My mother told me it wasn't my time. I cried, I really wanted to stay, to be able to hug my father, mother and Sirius. I realised that I would be able to stay here forever, while the life I lived was only temporary. I wouldn't be able to experience the things I hadn't experienced yet. My soul wouldn't be able to grow. I would be happy, knowing I left something unfinished behind. Then when the little girl took my hand again, I knew I lost control over the situation and that I was going back... We will be right here waiting for you, my father told me. I smiled when my mother blew me a kiss and they disappeared. Libby came and I told her I would be coming back, but I wanted you to show regret and you did. Suddenly I was back in my body, listening to you while the little girl gave me a last kiss. She told me she would be waiting for me and watching over me." A silent tear ran over Harry's cheek as he remembered.

Draco placed his hand on Harry's knee, squeezing it slightly. All he wanted was to squeeze the air out of Harry's lungs by hugging him, but he knew Harry wasn't ready for that yet. The boy was still weak and well to Draco he was filled with hatred for the blond.

"When I opened my eyes it seemed so foolish, everything! I wondered why I came back. I hated myself for not fighting hard enough to stay. Then when I fell asleep I had this dream. I was a little child and was playing in some kind of pool. My father and mother were watching me; I used to have this dream all the time. And just like always, I could feel the love in their gaze. My mother grabbed a big towel and wrapped it around me, holding me close. She kissed me on my cheek. Usually she would say that she loved me, but this time she told me something different. She said, "Why fear destiny's path, when you have the strength to embrace it and don't fear the flame of love's candle, when your heart is yearning to be enflamed." Harry suddenly felt the weight of Draco's gaze upon him and the boy's hand upon his knee.

He waited the moment he would hear Draco's laughter in his ears, but it never came.

"Do you think it was really my mother, or do you think I just made it up in my dreams?" Harry asked eventually. He'd been too ashamed to ask the question, but he couldn't resist the urge to ask it any longer.

Draco looked up to him and smiled. "It was your mother. Dreams are a way to communicate with the ones you left behind. She gave you those dreams show you her love, this time she used the dream to help you and guide you," Draco said.

Harry sighed in relieve. He just wanted to hug Draco for giving him that answer, it was so perfect. But there was far too much holding him back. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you before," Harry said.

"Don't be. I deserved it," Draco answered softly, knowing it was true. He pulled his hand back, although he didn't want to. He was afraid Harry would pull his knees up, before he could pull away his hand and feel rejected.

"It seems so long ago everything that happened. I know I'll never be able to forget. I know I'll dream about it, but I know I'll fight it and that I will survive, although, I do not know how to find a way to forgive you. After all the tears I cried in front of you, the hurt you saw me go through." Harry ended in a whisper, even though it seemed so long ago. There was still this anger and hurt lingering in his heart. Towards everything, the world he lived in, fate, Draco.

Draco couldn't breathe; the guilt was preventing him to suck in fresh air. He had to bite his lip and blink with his eyes not to start crying again. "I know" Draco answered, to Harry's surprise. 

Then Harry remembered what Lucius did to the blonde boy. A weight of pity fell on his heart. 

"I never thought I was capable of doing such a thing as raping someone, but I couldn't suppress the anger inside of me. It was taking over my mind, capturing my will. All I wanted was to get rid of the anger. To release it and I did in a horrible way. It always came back. Now I'm feeling restless, the anger is gone, but I can't sit still for one second. Until I know for sure I'll be free once," Draco continued, barely above a whisper.

"I know your anger. We're very much alike in a way. Our future had something different in mind for us than we both hoped for," Harry said, refusing to feel sorry for himself.

"You took your anger and hurt yourself. I hurt others," Draco argued, quickly changing the subject. "Let's go inside to my study. I don't want to run into my father." 

They both stood up and entered Draco's room. Harry had found the door to Draco's study earlier, so Draco didn't have to lead the way. 

"I saw your paintings they're beautiful." Harry said walking into the room.

"Thank you. I would give them to you, but I don't know if you'd like to have a horrible painted you on your wall. I captured those moments in my thoughts for days sometimes weeks before I could paint them. I couldn't paint in Hogwarts. I thought of them when I tried to remember the last time I saw you smile and be truly happy. I found them when you were asleep. Doesn't it seem like a lifetime away, Hogwarts? We had no troubles, no dark thoughts shadowing our hearts. The ones we had seem so small compared to the troubles we have to cope with now." Draco said.

"I know. The Harry I was then and the Harry I am now seem to be two different persons. I don't know what to do to go back to that time; I wish I could go back." Harry confessed.

Picking up the paintings and looking at it for a while. A smile appeared on his lips as he remembered the fights they used to have. The plans he used to make to bug Harry. He placed the paintings into a dark wooden box.

Harry sat down in one of the black chairs in front of a warm fire and studied the large wall covered with book shelves. Surprised about the Draco revealed to him. It wasn't the Draco he used to know, or thought he knew. Apparently he didn't know Draco at all. "How come I never knew these things about you? The way you speak, act and think is so different."

--

_I walk by statues never even made one chip  
but if I could leave a mark on the monument of the heart  
I just might lay myself down for a little more than I had the last day  
  
Wait a time to spare these lies we tell ourselves  
These days have come and gone  
But this time is sweeter than honey_

--

"I've changed, I've learned and to be honest you judged me before I could prove you wrong. I admit it is hard to go into your friends' opinion," Draco said, taking a seat next to Harry. 

"You're telling me that if I hadn't listened to Ron, I would have liked you?" Harry asked frowning.

"No, you were a Gryffindor all of your friends hated or disliked the Slytherin. Not only Weasley. It was an obvious thing to do, but that doesn't take away the fact that even though I've learned, I stayed pretty much the same throughout Hogwarts. You just didn't see it." Draco said. "Let's order something to eat." He quickly changed the subject, not wanting to fight with Harry. 

Harry frowned, but decided not to argue. He was too tired and hungry to do so.

Draco clapped with his hands and a very small house elf appeared in front of him. 

"Kikky here at your service, Master." The little, obviously young house elf squeaked.

Draco smiled, and then turned to Harry. "What would you like?"

"Something to eat, I'm starving," Harry answered, laughing because of the jumping anxious house elf in front of him.

"We'll have some tea and early dinner, Kikky." Draco decided.

"Yes, Master Draco. Kikky will bring you," Kikky answered, bowed and vanished with a 'plop'.

Draco observed Harry. The boy was still pale, but you could see he was doing better. The only thing he needed was a little sugar to bring the sugar-level in his blood to normal.

"Could I ask you a favour?" Harry asked.

"Depends," Draco answered, while his heart was pounding. 

"I would really like to know how my friends are doing," Harry said, biting his lip.

"I'm not allowed to leave the house, but I could ask around or send Libby, but that would be tomorrow. Libby is mine; we can't ask other house elves. If my father suspects something, he'll interrogate the house elves. Because Libby is mine, she won't tell him a single thing. Or a single true thing," Draco answered.

"Thank you," Harry smiled weakly. "How come you're not allowed to leave the house?" 

Draco's smile vanished.

"I know you had some troubles with your father, you told me." Harry continued.

"Well, I turned out to be the biggest disappointment in his life." Draco answered bitterly. "When we were still in Hogwarts my friends discovered that I had no interest in girls what-so-ever. I dated of course, but never fell in love. So they slowly figured out that I'm gay. It was the number one on the gossip-list for a few weeks. Apparently they found their discovery so important they had to tell the whole school. I denied everything obviously, but it reached my father's ears. Just like everything else. When I came home with Christmas, he gave me a truth potion. I had no idea, until I noticed I was bound to telling the truth, so he found out. I wasn't allowed to have any male friends and my father arranged a private room for me. My last days at Hogwarts were hell. Paintings in my room told everything to my father. I had no privacy." Draco said. 

Then Kikky plopped into the room, so Draco stopped talking.

"Your tea, and early dinner are served, Master Draco, Sir." Kikky said, standing in the room trembling with a big tray in her hands.

"Thank you, Kikky." Draco said, quickly taking the tray from Kikky. "That will be all."

Kikky bowed and plopped away again, with a proud smile on her face.

Draco grinned and gave Harry his plate with warm food and poured the tea into two cups. He prepared Harry's tea with lots of sugar.

Harry began to eat, when Draco told him he wasn't that hungry and that it was alright for the boy to begin. 

Draco grabbed his cup of tea and sat back into the black chair, pulling his legs to his chest and placing the cup on his knee.

"After graduation I had to come home immediately. My father was so scared I would cause a big scandal. The family name is the most important thing in his life. I'm not allowed to leave the house, until my father finds me a bride. I wasn't even allowed to fight in the big battle. I wanted to be there, for obvious reasons, but wasn't allowed to leave." Draco finished.

"I'm sorry for you," Harry said, his plate nearly empty. Looking around to see if there were any paintings in this room, but there weren't any hanging on the walls.

"Well it is a bit hard to accept the fact that your father cares more about a stupid family name than his own son's happiness." Draco smiled weakly. "But I promise it will change when I get to be the one to rule the Malfoy Family."

"That's one thing we need to discuss. What about me? What am I supposed to do?" Harry asked.

--

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

--

Draco had dreaded that question. It only stressed the fact that Harry did not like his company. Harry didn't like him at all. All Draco was feeling for Harry didn't seem to be important to Harry. It hurt to know that Harry wanted to leave him as soon as possible, when he didn't want to live without the pretty boy. "Like I told you, I'm not strong enough to face my father, Voldemort and his Death Eaters. They'll catch us and kill us. Even if we manage to get Libby to send a message, we'll risk very much." Draco explained.

"But you said Libby was yours." Harry asked confused.

"Yes, but she's also loyal to the Malfoy Family's rules. We'll be asking her to break several rules. We could try though, but we'll have to think about the consequences very carefully." Draco answered.

"I don't want to live here another fifty years waiting until your father finally dies." Harry snapped.

Draco bit his lip so hard it started to bleed. This was more than he could take. If hearts could cry, his was crying non-stop. "I understand." Draco whispered. "We'll think of a good plan. You'll have to realise that if we send that message, we'll be causing a second war."

"I know that, but isn't that better than the situation the world is in now?" Harry asked, drinking his tea.

"Not much has changed. It's like our days at Hogwarts. Voldemort isn't ruling the world and I don't want to sound selfish, but what about me? What am I supposed to do, when my family rejects me for helping you? Where am I supposed to stay, I'll be hiding for my father forever." Draco said, knowing he was wasting his time. Harry wanted to leave, as soon as possible.

Harry sighed. "I wish we could think up a good plan. Good for the both of us." he said, sounding defeated. 

"I wish we could too, Harry." Draco said softly. "As much as I want to leave this place, I do not want to live my life being afraid, running for danger."

"You don't want to live your life, being like me." Harry said bitterly.

"What?" Draco asked confused.

"That was what my life was like before I got here." Harry whispered. "I had to move from place to place. Nothing was safe; there was always the fear of being caught by Voldemort, to die."

"Do you want to go back to that life?" Draco asked, his heart pounding loudly in his chest.

"No, but I don't want to live this life either." Harry said, unable to control his tears any longer. They fell, just like his heart. 

"You know I'll try to make you happy." Draco said, wiping away Harry's tears with his fingers.

"Destiny is a hard thing to accept," Harry said, not fighting his tears anymore.

"I know, but you can change it." Draco said determined.

"No, I can't. My destiny already changed," Harry whispered, leaning against Draco's shoulder.

Draco could do nothing but hug the small boy, though his words made no sense at all.

--

Another chapter finished.

I might be repeating lyrics, sorry for that.

Please Review.

Black Elf(Cherish)

Used:

-Imaginary

-Taking over Me

-So Close


	9. Fallen IX

Thanks to my beta: **BLT, DPR, Daemon, Maester, Sanity Complex or just Steve. **

Slash. Don't like, don't read. More Dark-ish-ness on the way.

Fallen IX

* * *

_Can't look back because it hurts _

_My heart is so cold_

_I feel the frost_

_Never look back_

_I feel the darkness on my shoulder_

_The frost is in my heart_

_So cold my hair is frozen_

_Touching my skin_

* * *

Harry closed his eyes. It was true, he did know his own destiny and the way it had changed, his mother told him. He couldn't run away from it, for it would come and haunt him _and his lonely heart. _

It was just so hard to accept that destiny had chosen this path for him instead of the path he used to know and the fact that he couldn't run. Although his mother did not seem to mind destiny's choice, but she seemed to know a lot more than she told him. She told him his destiny in four words.

"Draco is your destiny."

How could Draco've turned into his destiny? He knew he had this urge to get the boy out of here. Especially after Draco told him what was going on exactly. The boy was held prison by his own father in his own house. There could not have been a bigger betrayal. No bigger hurt than not to be accepted by your own parents, those who're supposed to be proud of you, no matter what. He really did feel sorry for Draco.

But there was this feeling that there was more about Draco being his destiny than just saving the boy...

They had to get out of here. This wasn't a good place to stay. Not for Draco not for him. Harry turned to his side and saw Draco lying next to him, sleeping peacefully. It seemed that sleeping was their number one thing to do, probably because Harry did not sleep much when he was supposed to sleep and Draco... Draco could sleep any time of the day.

Harry sat up and slipped out of the bed. There was a plan that had to be made. He grabbed a few of Draco's drawing papers and an enormous quill. With a messy handwriting, caused by the enormous quill, Harry wrote down the main things he had to get ready if they wanted to escape from this hell hole. A detailed plan would come later.

"Harry?" Draco suddenly asked behind him. "What are you doing?"

Harry's heart jumped at Draco's voice. "You frightened me," Harry exclaimed

"Well then there must be something to hide," Draco answered, looking over Harry's shoulder.

Harry leaned to the opposite side and watched Draco read the paper.

"You have the most horrible handwriting! I have no idea what you just wrote," Draco exclaimed, grabbing the paper to study it closely.

Harry rolled his eyes. "It's because of your enormous quill, there's no way anyone can write normally with this thing."

"It's not a quill to write with. It just looks beautifully on my desk." Draco explained. "Now tell me what you wrote."

"I'm writing the things we need if we want to escape-," Harry whispered softly in Draco's ear.

Draco's eyes widened and placed his hand over Harry's mouth, before he could continue. "Shush," Draco whispered. He pulled Harry with him to his art room and closed the door behind him. "Remember that the portraits are watching."

Harry could see how nervous and frightened the boy was.

"Do you think they heard?" Draco asked.

"I'm sure they didn't." Harry assured Draco.

Draco closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He sat down against the door, while Harry sat next to him. "Let me see what you're planning to do."

"Well first of all I will need a wand. I was thinking maybe Libby could get me one, or find my old wand?" Harry said.

"I think your old wand was snapped after the battle. I heard my father mention it." Draco said.

"Oh, well I'll have to get a new one. Do you still have your wand?" Harry asked.

Draco shook his head. "No, but I do know what kind of wood and feather I need."

"Good, we'll ask Libby to get us two. Will she do that?" Harry asked.

"Yes, of course she will. She obeys me, but I'm not sure if I should let her. When we're gone, she'll be killed by my father." Draco answered.

"Oh and what if we take her with us, or set her free?" Harry asked.

"That's a possibility. We could send her to Hogwarts, like Dobby." Draco suggested.

Harry smiled. "Good idea. She could inform Dumbledore about us too. Next thing is a bit more difficult. We have to find a way to break through the wards around your house. Is there an open place?"

"No, our whole house is unreachable unless you're travelling by floo, but you will be scanned before you leave or enter. You won't be able to go through." Draco said.

"Will your features be scanned?" Harry asked.

"I think so. I don't know for sure. My father doesn't tell me everything." Draco said bitterly.

"Well we could give that a shot." Harry said, feeling hope return to him.

"The only fireplace is in my father's office. We'll have to make sure he's not there or coming home and we need his password." Draco said. "It's dangerous."

"Not if we are well prepared." Harry said.

"Are you sure you want me to escape with you? I'll be nothing but trouble. There's a much bigger change for you to survive with-," Draco asked, speaking quickly.

But Harry interrupted him. "Draco I want you to come with me,"

"But I'll cause nothing but trouble." Draco said, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't want to leave you here all alone." Harry answered honestly.

"So we're really going to do this... escaping?" Draco asked, shaking slightly.

"Yes, and it will work. You want to get out of here, don't you? You don't want to stay and live an unhappy life, right?" Harry grabbed Draco's hand and squeezed it.

"But what if... my life will not improve when I'm out there," Draco whispered.

"You'll be free! What more do you want?" Harry exclaimed.

"Freedom isn't everything. Not in the world I live in. What if I'll be alone for the rest of my life? Unable to make friends, because the Death Eaters are still hunting me down?" Draco sighed.

"Draco it will not be that way. You will not be alone!" Harry said firmly.

"And how do you know that?" Draco spat, anger and fear clearly written in his eyes.

"Because if you have to hide, I have to hide and we'll be hiding together." Harry answered.

Draco closed his eyes. "The light side will help you; they will take care of you. When they find out what I did to you they'll kill me. I'm Dark to them, they'll never accept me." Draco whispered.

"No. You are not dark. You're Light- in Darkness and they will accept you. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have found my freedom. They wouldn't have known the truth. If I ended up somewhere else I would have died. No one would have been there to call me back," Harry said, remembering that it was Draco who made him give up his life and that it was Draco who called him back.

* * *

_I want to feel the warmth_

_On my face_

_Light- In Darkness_

_Lift me up from here_

_Give you your wings_

_To flee from my Ivory Tower_

* * *

"I don't know. I just don't want to end up all alone. It's funny. Not to long ago, I thought I almost had it all. Now I've got nothing but two choices. Both completely unappealing." Draco said, shaking his head.

"At least you will have chances when you come with me. Here you will be locked in a cage without any choices at all." Harry tried to convince Draco.

Draco sighed. "Alright. I'll come, but you'll have to promise me that you won't let me fall."

"I won't. I promise." Harry promised, when he felt Draco's hesitation he added. "And I never break a promise. You can trust me on that."

"But you'll be with all your friends again. You'll change and be happy again. You will totally forget about me." Draco bit his lip. He knew he sounded childish, but away from this world he had no one. No one but Harry. Outside this house Harry was the only one he knew.

"I will not forget about you. I could never forget you!" Harry exclaimed.

"Why not?" Draco asked surprised.

"Because... because I just can't." Harry said, not knowing what to say. He knew the answer, but he didn't want Draco to know.

"Oh." Draco answered. "Well... ehh..."

"Let's go back to bed," Harry decided. "We'll talk more tomorrow."

"Alright." Draco agreed.

They both walked back to the bedroom and crawled into the still warm bed, but neither of them could find their sleep.

"Harry?" Draco whispered, when he heard Harry turn. "Are you awake?"

"No," Harry joked and turned back to face Draco, "What is it?"

"I'm scared." Draco whispered.

"For what?" Harry asked. "The dark?"

"Hah. Hah. So funny." Draco said sarcastically.

"I know." Harry stuck out his tongue.

"I'm trying to be serious!" Draco exclaimed, slapping Harry on his arm.

"Okay. I'm serious too now." Harry said, pulling a straight face.

Draco raised one eyebrow, and then pouted. "Never mind."

Harry laughed. "Oh don't be a baby. Tell me what's bothering you."

"Well... no really, never mind. It sounds stupid now." Draco said shyly, turning around.

But Harry grabbed his shoulder and turned him back. "I'm scared too." Harry admitted, speaking softly.

Without thinking Draco moved closer and pulled Harry into a hug. Which he regretted almost immediately, afraid he'd pushed Harry away, just when things were going the right way. To his surprise, he felt Harry's arms closing around him and it felt _good. Safe. _

Harry held him tight. "I understand this is hard for you, but I will never let you down."

Draco bit his lip. There was something about Harry he did not understand. The pure goodness in his heart. Harry was to him the man everybody wanted to be with. He wouldn't let you down and he would always be there for you. No matter what. Unfortunately people feared Voldemort and because Voldemort was after Harry's head, they feared Harry too, apart from most of his Gryffindor friends, obviously.

When they were still in school he could see that fear in their eyes. Some students even dropped out of Hogwarts. They were all so scared to be attacked that they didn't even think clear. To attack Hogwarts is almost impossible. He used to laugh right in their faces, but now that he knew what fear was things were different.

Draco could feel Harry's breath against his ear, it was soft and calm. His hands were slowly caressing his back, firmly but gently. He could smell Harry's scent. In his stomach the butterflies were flying. He began to breathe quicker when he realised how close he was to Harry. Really close. More close than before.

Harry used to lock himself away when Draco came to close. He would be safe inside himself when Draco touched him. Everything around him would be fading into black. The hurt wouldn't hurt that much. Harry was numb then. His memories frozen inside him. Untouchable. He could feel the frost, his heart was cold. He couldn't look back to often; the memories would hurt him to much.

Now that mask was gone, or at least most of it. Little voices still whispered inside him.

_"What are you doing? Don't you remember?"_

_"What are you doing? He'll be laughing in your face."_

_"Back away! He's to close. Back away! He'll freeze you again."_

And when he realised how close he was, he did get a bit uncomfortable. When he remembered, his breath would be sucked away. The room would become to hot to bare. There would always be something to remind him, to keep him from believing that someone might be there. To free him and never ever leave him.

But he couldn't back away. Was there a place lonelier, than within him? As much as this was hurting him, he needed this more. Beside everything that happened to him, there were this other voices inside him. Whispering other things, things that would hurt him more than the purest physical pain.

_"They're not missing you."_

_"They've forgotten you long ago."_

_"There's no one missing you."_

_"They don't even try for you, yet you'd die to be with them. How sad."_

_"You will come home, unwanted. They all think you're better of dead, and now you walk back into their homes. You should stay away."_

_"You're All Alone. When will you realise that? There is no one missing you!"_

_"Isn't someone missing me?"_

_"Harry?"_

_"What Harry..."_

"Harry!" Draco's voice snapped Harry away from his thoughts. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Harry lied, looking away.

"Nothing isn't going to cause someone to cry out with his hands over his ears." Draco said.

"Just some bad thoughts." Harry whispered. "Nothing bad. Just some thoughts."

"Are you sure you're alright?" Draco asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Really. Let's go to sleep." Harry said, turning away from Draco.

Draco observed Harry for a few minutes, but decided not to push. He stared to the stars above him on his magical ceiling.

Harry looked into space, feeling the loss of Draco's arms. The blonde's arms felt strangely good, much better than nothing at all. He bit his lip, but turned around softly. He saw Draco staring to the ceiling. Without any words he moved closer and placed his head on Draco's shoulder. He could feel Draco's surprise and his heart stopped a few seconds when Draco didn't move. But then Draco's arms closed around him. The whispering voices came back, but so did the strange good feeling.

* * *

_Oh Solitude,_

_I can't stay away from you_

_How many times have I done this_

_To__ myself_

_How long will it take before I see_

_When will this hole in my heart be mended_

_Who now is left alone but me?_

_Oh Solitude_

_Forever me and Forever you_

_Oh Solitude_

_Only you, Only true_

_Everyone leaves me stranded_

_Forgotten abandoned, left behind_

_Can't you see?_

_All along it was me_

_How can you be so blind_

_As to see right through me_

_Still with me is only you_

* * *

So Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. It will take another few chapters to finish this story, because of the shorter chapters. I didn't want to leave you all hanging to long.

Songs I used are:

Frozen – Within Temptation

Enter – Within Temptation

Solitude – Evanescence

And a few hints of Missing – Evanescence in the whispering voices.


	10. Fallen X

**Fallen X(Finally!)**

**Not beta-ed yet!**

-

Next morning both Draco and Harry woke up early. Well Harry had been awake for hours, lying in bed thinking. He was glad that the sun finally decided to peak through his window. He had the most terrible head ache. He kept hearing his heart beat inside his head and it was driving him mad. It was time to find some distraction.

Harry walked to the bathroom, unaware that Draco was watching him go.

Draco didn't have much sleep either. He sighed and stepped out of his bed as well, heading for his art room. Something was pulling him towards his paintbrush. Something was prickling his mind, his imagination. He hadn't felt that way in ages. He did not know what caused the feeling to come back again, but he wanted to capture warmth and freedom in a painting.

Not bothering to get dressed Draco searched for the best paintbrush. The one that would sense the color you had in mind. When he was finished preparing, he thought for a few seconds, before his paintbrush touched the white fabric.

When Harry re-entered the room he saw that Draco was up as well. Wondering if it was his fault that the boy was up so early, his eyes searched through the room. A small smile played on his mouth when he realized where Draco was.

He walked through the room and into the art room. When he entered the room he saw that Draco was doing something entirely different than what he'd imagined. He thought Draco would be there thinking up a plan, but here he was painting.

Harry walked closer silently and had to suppress a grin when he saw that Draco's cheek was covered with red paint. The painting however took his breath away. It was far from done, but it was already absolutely breathtaking.

"What is your goal in life?" Draco suddenly asked his voice low and deadly serious.

Harry, who thought the blonde had not noticed his presence, was a bit taken aback. "Wellâ€ I don't know. Why?" Harry answered finally.

"Let me rephrase it. What is the one thing you want to accomplish in life, before you die?" Draco asked.

"I have to think about that. Why are you asking me all these serious questions so early in the morning?" Harry asked, confused.

"I was just wondering." Draco answered, leaving Harry in the same confusion.

"Do you have an answer to that question?" Harry asked.

"I did. Now I'm not sure." Draco answered, while the brush continued to caress the fabric.

Harry walked to a chair and sat down, realizing Draco wanted a serious discussion. Or there was something Draco wanted to tell him. He wasn't sure, this conversation just came out of nowhere and to be honest he had no idea what to do with it.

"If we die while trying to escape, would you be pleased by the way you lived your life?" Draco asked.

"That's a weird question to ask someone who just tried to take his own life," Harry said sadly.

"No it's not. The fact that you tried to take your own life is completely irrelevant. Answer it." Draco said, looking Harry's way for the first time that morning.

"No, I would not." Harry answered honestly.

"So there's still something you want to accomplish before you die," Draco stated.

Harry frowned.

"When should one be pleased with his life?" Draco asked.

"I don't know. You tell me," Harry snapped, getting a bit uncomfortable.

-

_If I tell you  
Will you listen?  
Will you stay?  
Will you be here forever?  
Never go away?_

-

"When I was younger I always thought that if you had known the true meaning of Love, your life would be complete. If you would know the feeling of being Loved, to be special to someone. To be something another person would die for. Do get my point?" Draco asked, his cheeks flustered as he continued working on his painting.

"I think so," Harry answered.

"What if there isn't such a thingâ€ what if it only exists in fairy tales. What if I've been longing for something that isn't real?" Draco whispered.

"Dracoâ€ What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"My father told me that love between two people of the same sex was to complicated to work. That a relationship between two people of the same sex is doomed to fail, at one point or the other. Just because they didn't have the click heterosexuals have. He said that if you put a man and a woman together things would fit in each way. You won't have that click when you put two men together, or two women. They were just not meant to be and that's why their relationship was doomed to fail." Draco said. "What do you think of that,"

"Utter nonsense of course." Harry answered. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"I don't know what's wrong. I don't even know if there's something wrong, but sometimes I just realize how complicated my life is and I wonder if I was the one who made it so complicated. I probably am. Sometimes I just wonder what there is to live for." Draco said, black paint suddenly coming out of his brush. "Shit! That bloody paintbrush just ruined my painting!" he threw the paintbrush against the wall.

"Dracoâ€calm down. Everyone's life is complicated. Fate is playing with every soul. Life isn't worth living if you don't make it worth living yourself." Harry said.

"Not _everyone's _life is complicated," Draco argued.

"Well maybe not everyone's, but goes through their dark times. Maybe some are a bit lighter than others, but to them it's still dark." Harry said.

"You're not really making me feel better." Draco stated.

"That's because I never know what to say. I always say the wrong things. What do you want me to say, seriously?" Harry asked.

"I don't know!" Draco snapped. "I only know that you're doing a crappy job, making me feel better!"

"Do you want me to lie to you? Tell you that everything will turn out fine, when I really don't have a clue what the future will bring?" Harry almost yelled, getting angry as well.

"Yes!" Draco yelled.

"Oh come on Draco, you wouldn't even believe that." Harry yelled back.

"But it would make me feel better!" Draco yelled, his cheeks flushed.

"No it wouldn't!" Harry argued.

"Yes it would!" Draco yelled back.

"Fine! Draco, you're going to have a Fabulous life! Everything will turn out just the way you want it." Harry yelled.

Draco opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. He began to shake and for a few seconds Harry was afraid that the boy would start crying, but he soon realized that the blonde boy was laughing.

Harry, who couldn't understand what could possibly be so funny, got a bit irritated. "Why the hell are you laughing?"

"Youâ€ You said Fabulous! No one ever says fabulous, unless they're fabulously Gay!" Draco laughed.

"I did not say fabulous!" Harry said indignantly. Wondering if he really did say the word fabulous.

"Yes you did!" Draco laughed.

"Well" Harry said, not knowing what to say. "Wellâ€ I was trying to make a point!"

"Come on! Admit it Harry, you're as gay as it gets." Draco said, trying to be serious.

"Wellâ€ wellâ€ I'm not having this conversation right now." Harry said, marching out of the room. "I've got far more important things to do."

Draco stayed in the art room with an amused smile on his face, turning back to his painting. Although he didn't get much time to continue his painting, because Harry marched back into the room two seconds later. Draco turned around and raised one eyebrow.

Harry glared. "I'm not talking to you."

"You just did," Draco teased.

Harry remained silent, sitting down. He took the list of things he made last night and stared angrily to the paper.

"Oh come on Pothead!" Draco exclaimed. "We're not going to get out of here if you refuse to talk to me. I was only joking!"

"Oh fine!" Harry growled. "Come sit with me,"

Draco decided not to tease any further, which was quite hard. He'd only just discovered how much fun it was to tease Harry. He sat down next to the brunette, looking to the list. He still couldn't read any of it, but decided to look at it anyway.

"Well, first thing we need is those wands. Could we take care of that right now?" Harry asked, his embarrassment slowly fading away.

"Sure." Draco answered. "I'll call her right away! Libby!"

With a loud 'plop' the house elf appeared in front of them, bowing deep. "Yes masters?" she asked.

"Libby, we have a job for you. It's very important." Draco said. "Harry will explain it to you."

"Yesâ€ ehh" Harry began. "Libby, we want to escape and we want to take you with us. But it's going to be dangerous and there are a few things we need to do before we are ready. We need your help."

Libby was hopping from one leg to the other, obviously very excited. "Oh! Libby will do anything, master."

"Yes, well good. Here is our plan. The most important thing we need is a wand. One for Draco and one for me. Could you get those for us Libby?" Harry asked.

Libby nodded, getting more and more excited.

"After we have our wands, we have to get out of this Manor. The only way of getting out, without having to cross the wards around this house, is through Lucius' study. But to get in Lucius' study we need to figure out how he protects that room and how we can get in. We'll only have one chance to get to the fireplace and get the hell out of here, so we must be prepared." Harry said. "We also need to figure out where we will go through the fireplace. Hogwarts isn't an option an-"

"Why not?" Draco asked, shocked. "I thought we could just floo right into Hogwarts and be done with it."

"Did you really think we could just floo right into Hogwarts, using your father's fireplace? I don't think so. Hogwarts is very well protected by Dumbledore and we can't risk it. We need to find a fireplace your father would not think of. Where we will be safe." Harry said.

"Oh. Right. And where would that be?" Draco asked.

"Well that's what we need to find out." Harry said. "We need to find a place where we will be safe until we find our way to Hogwarts."

"Oh no, no, no, no, no! No way! We are going to find a place where we will be safe until Libby gets back with Dumbledore. There's no way we can make it by ourselves. Death Eaters will be all over Hogwarts when they realize we escaped." Draco said, frustrated.

"Good point." Harry said.

"I can't believe you didn't think about that, Potter!" Draco yelled. "Libby, would you please leave us alone. I think Harry and I need to do some more preparing. Oh wait, could you bring us some breakfast please?"

"Yes, Master. Of Course, Master." Libby said, plopping away.

Draco stood up and started mumbling to himself, walking up and down the room. "Idiotic planâ€ it's going to get us both killed. â€ Not a smart moveâ€ not a smart move"

Harry looked up from his list and followed the blonde's movements for a few seconds. "Draco, calm down. You're stressing too much. It's not like we're going to carry the plan out right away. Of course we need to think this over more," Harry said, but the blonde just kept pacing.

"he obviously doesn't know what my father will do to usâ€ to him! All the dark cursesâ€ all the torture" Draco continued.

Harry stood up and grabbed Draco's arm, shaking him a bit. "Draco! Stop it!"

Draco looked up at Harry and stared right into his eyes. "I just don't want to die." Draco said softly.

"You won't die," Harry assured him.

"Don't lie to me. You said it yourself this morning; we don't know what the future will bring." Draco spat.

"No I don't know the future. I just wanted you to feel better." Harry said.

"Not working! Again! I hate to think about dyingâ€ I hate Death!" Draco said.

"Just try not to think of it so much." Harry said, letting go of Draco's arm.

"I want to make sure that when I die. I'll be happy about the way I lived my life." Draco whispered.

"When will you be happy?" Harry asked.

"When I have it all." Draco answered.

Harry frowned. "When you have what all?"

"Never mind." Draco sighed.

Harry rolled his eyes. "You must be the most complicated person I've ever met!"

Draco just smiled.

Harry sighed and considered the subject closed for now. "Let's go back to our plan," he said, turning around.

Draco, however, grabbed his arm and turned him back. He stepped forward and closed the gap in between them. With his heart beating like crazy, he kissed Harry. Right there and then. It was a soft kiss, but he could feel Harry freeze against him. It was then that he realized what he had done. This time he really did cross the line. He released Harry's lips and stepped back in shock. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I couldn't help myself."

Harry didn't say a word. He just stepped back and exited the room.

"Fuck!" Draco groaned in frustration. "What the hell did I do! Why did I do that? Why? Shit Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

After throwing some things around and kicking the same things all over the room. He collapsed on the couch with a sigh and grabbed Harry's list and a quill. Although he couldn't really think straight, he decided to focus on the plan.

About ten minutes later Harry walked in again.

Draco's head snapped up. He was searching for Harry's eyes, but the boy was avoiding his gaze. Harry's face was neutral. Draco couldn't see if he had been angry or crying or maybe, but highly unlikely, happy. There was nothing, which was a bad sign.

With a loud 'plop' Libby appeared in the room with two trays of food. Draco took them from her quickly afraid they might fall. "Thank you Libby, that would be all." Draco said, giving Harry his stray.

Harry took his stray and ate his breakfast quietly.

Draco sighed when he realized that he really did make a mistake when he kissed the boy. They were back at square one, the awkwardness. Mentally cursing himself, he ate his breakfast as well. He wanted to be close to Harry so badly. Harry was what he needed. Harry was what he wanted. If he had Harry, he would have the world. If he had Harry he would have everything. Now that he had Harry, he knew he would always long for more.

-

_A bitter thought  
I had it all  
But I just let it go  
Hold your silence  
It's so violent_

_-_

Suddenly he was sitting there in his room. all alone. He realized that if he would lose Harry, he would be all alone.

Everything... That was Harry to him

Nothing... That was he to Harry.

And it hurt.

Like Hel!

---

More is coming soon. I'm back and writing! Sorry for the loooong wait! Black Elf

Used Lyrics:

Bittersweet – Within Temptation


	11. Fallen XI

Fallen XI

(I seem to have lost the email address of my beta-reader. So if you're reading, please email me. :$)

* * *

The day passed by slowly. Harry never spoke one word. He just sat in the room, writing endlessly.

Draco watched him secretly, while he continued his painting. The painting was ruined, his mood was dark. The colors he used were dark. All the warm brightness disappeared from the painting. There was now a figure with dark wings. Waiting for something(absolution) that would never come. Craving for his chains to be unleashed. For his wings to be set free. For a kind of freedom one would only find in another person.

Draco sighed and walked out of the room. He could not bare the tension, the guilt and the pain. He didn't know what happened. Why he did it. The pull was just too strong and his hopes to big. He should have known, remembered, that hope would only lead to disappointment. Now all his hope was shattered. Even his hope to get out of this Manor. Harry wouldn't want to take him.

He sat on his bed and sighed. It was four o'clock in the afternoon. To early to go to sleep, yet there seemed nothing else that he could do. Except maybe he should really talk to Harry. His heart was beating in his throat by the thought of even walking up to Harry. He was far to scared. Scared to see the damage his kiss had caused. Scared to see the hatred in Harry's eyes. Scared to see the pain and emptiness behind Harry's eyes and knowing he had caused it all.

Yet he knew that he did not have a choice. This was his fault and it was up to him to fix it.

It took Draco fifteen minutes to get himself to stand up and walk back into the art room.

"Harry." He whispered, barely hearable. Yet he knew Harry had heard him.

Harry didn't respond. He was sitting at Draco's desk, staring at the piece of paper in front of him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was so selfish to kiss you. I should have realized the impact it would have on you. I'm sorry." Draco said.

Harry was still staring and didn't respond.

Draco wondered if Harry could be so caught up in his thoughts that he'd pushed reality away and therefore would not hear him speak. His hope for getting an answer faded away and he turned around, leaving the room.

"I don't understand you." Harry suddenly said, shattering the violent silence that was tearing Draco's heart in two.

"Why not?" Draco asked.

"You... You've been through the same thing I've been through. The same hurt. Your hurt must have been so much worse. It was your own father and yet... you seem fine, while it's slowly eating me inside. Eating everything that I once was and leaving nothing but an empty me. I don't want to be that way. I don't want to be who I've become. I want to be strong, like you." Harry said.

Draco shook his head, walking towards Harry and turning the boy's chair around. He wanted the boy to look at him. "Harry. You are strong and I'm not fine. Deep inside I'm everything but fine, but I just push it away in a dark corner. Force myself not to think about it and when you live in a world like mine. You learn to disguise many feelings. You even learn to disguise them for yourself. I don't know if I'll get away with it, maybe I'll go mad one day. Harry you're dealing with it, I'm hiding it away. That makes you the stronger person."

Harry looked at him and frowned. "You seem to know yourself pretty well."

"Well when you're locked into a room. It's hard not to think about yourself." Draco sighed. "I'm sorry Harry. I know I've shattered the fragile beginnings of your recovery."

Harry pushed Draco away from him and turned away from the boy. "Yes well. You should have thought about that before you kissed me."

Draco sighed. He should have known that this was coming. The guilt and pain burned him inside. He was rejected and he knew that the rejection was totally his fault. This made him hate himself even more. He knew that there was no point in staying and turned around to leave.

"Malfoy, I just want to know one thing." Harry suddenly spoke up.

"What it is Harry?" Draco asked.

"Is that all I am worth to you? A boy you take advantage of when he's vulnerable." Harry spat, angrily broken.

"No!" Draco exclaimed. "No! You're getting it all wrong. That was not what I intended to do."

"Oh. It wasn't your intention to remind me of everything you did to me?" Harry asked, furiously.

"No, of course not." Draco said, shaking his head. He didn't know what to say or do. Or How Harry got this idea in his head.

"Then _why _did you do that? Why? You knew I'd freak out. All these images in my head, all that pain. I just relived that again, thanks to you. I wanted to forgive and forget as far as that was possible. I wanted to do what my mother told me to do; help you. And now I have no idea where I'm going to find the strength to go on. Because you know what? This life just aint worth living." Harry finished.

Draco was totally horrified by Harry's words. They stung like a thousand bees attacking his heart. "Oh... my... God! What did I do?" was the only thing Draco could say. He didn't even know where to begin. Everything Harry just said was so _wrong _and right at the same time.

Harry turned away from him again and stared to the wall in front of him.

Draco's legs collapsed underneath him as he sank to the floor. His hands were shaking, his heart beating. Because he knew that he was to weak to tell Harry what it was he felt for the beautiful boy. He was scared, scared to find his whole life shattered in front of him when Harry would tell him that there was no way the two of them could be anything close to lovers. "Harry... I wish I could explain it all to you. Explain me to you, but I can't. And I am sorry what I did to you, so so sorry. I will do anything to make you feel better. I wish I could erase that part of our lives, because those images do not only haunt you. They haunt me too. They tell me every day what a monster I am. What monsters humans are. I turned into a monster then and took one of the few pure things in this world and made it black. Before I did that to you Harry, you used to be so pure and vivid. You could see your soul dance behind your eyes. Even though you had seen so many dark things, you could deal with them. And I found probably the one thing you can't deal with, because your soul has gone black now. The guilt I feel for doing that to you is big, Harry, nearly unbearable. Part of me wants to feel that guilt, to feel that hurt. To make sure I will remember what I did. The other part wants it to go away so I can stop hating myself and it does sometimes."

Harry was looking at him now, his eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Why is everything so difficult? So complicated? Why does death look so tempting en life so unbearable. It seems that life is taking all the good things away, as I go on. Sometimes I think we humans got it all wrong. Life is the bad guy, not death. Only because we do not know death we keep on living, it seems. Why wouldn't you die on the moment you've awaited for so long and know that life cannot take it away and that you'll be together in death. You'll be happy in death and life could not tear you two apart. ever."

"Are you talking about love?" Draco asked, confused.

"Yes. I think I agree with you. Love will make your life wonderful, I just think that you should die right at that moment. To make sure this cruel world won't take it away." Harry answered.

To say Draco was shocked to hear this was an understatement. "Harry, you don't mean that. Come on. Life is so much better than Death. In life you can go _on,_ in death you are standing still, forever."

"What if I don't want to go on and stay in that moment forever?" Harry asked.

"Harry you are scaring me. You really want to commit suicide the moment you find your love. You don't want to enjoy the love you have?" Draco asked, his heart was racing and he wondered when Harry had thought up these strange ideas. Strange, but true. In a way.

"Yes. Why wouldn't you?" Harry asked.

"I... I don't know." Draco said. "You just don't."

"Well maybe that's the whole problem in this world. People love life too much." Harry said as if he just figured it all out.

"So you are willing to take that change?" Draco asked, desperate to get this idea out of Harry's head. "To jump in Death's darkness. Without knowing what you will find or where you will be."

"I've been there already, Malfoy." Harry spat. "I _know _what I'll find."

"No. You. Don't." Draco said. "You'll never know what you will find. Even wizards who can predict the future do not know what they'll find. Life and Death isn't something to mess around with."

"I know. I'm not messing around with them. They are messing around with me and I can't take much more. So when I feel like I'm happy, I'll die. I don't want to die alone and hollow inside." Harry yelled.

"Harry..." Draco sighed in relieve. At least the boy wasn't going to kill himself right away.

"What?" Harry snapped. He saw Draco's bottom lip trembling and the tears in the corner of his eyes, ready to roll down.

"I... you scared me and now I just realize that you're just afraid. Scared of living, because your life never gave you the true joy of living. You are scared of being alone, just like everyone else. And you're scared of losing love. Just like you lost your friends." Draco said, shaking. "And that's completely understandable when you see what life has brought you. You've gone through so many shit in your life and so many things were taken away from you. Not only Voldemort did that, but so did Dumbledore."

"Since when do you know how my life works?" Harry said. He tried to control his anger, but it was rushing through his veins. Even though Draco was standing in front of him, crying.

"Because you and me are very much alike." Draco said. He didn't know why he was crying and he didn't want to. But all these emotions were just too much for him.

Harry sighed. It was true, they were very much alike. He looked at Draco and found himself wanting to hug the boy, but at the same time he knew he the contact would make his mind spin again. The contact he longed for would never be the same again. It would always have a dark side. Contact would always bring those images back. Contact would never be what he longed for, because he could not forget. The things he felt for Draco and his memories were in constant battle in his head.

"Let's just get the hell out of this place and see what happens." Harry finally spoke. "Because this place has a very bad and negative influence on my feelings."

Draco nodded, as he was trying to stop crying. But every time he wiped a tear away, another replaced it. "Maybe you should go alone."

"Don't bring that up again. You know that I won't do that." Harry said, sighing.

"No, seriously. It's better for me to stay here." Draco said.

"You know you will die in this place. Just like I will die if I stay here much longer." Harry said.

Draco sighed. It was so hard to explain this, without making it seem like the whole thing was about him. "I will only come if you are one hundred percent sure that you can and _want_ put up with me and all your memories while this lasts. Until I have got my life back on track."

"I told you that I would." Harry said getting angry again. Why did they have to go over this so many times. It was his fucking destiny.

"Yes that's because you think you _have_ to do this, because it is the bloody right thing to do. I don't want to be something you took upon you, because you had the feeling that you had to do so. I want to be something you actually _want _near you. If not, I will refuse to go." Draco yelled.

Harry looked at Draco in disbelieve. "I do like you and I like your company. You have to believe that and when we get out of here. I will stay with you."

"Even though it will eat you up inside to see the images flash through your mind every time you look at me?" Draco asked.

"What? They don't. Why do you think that?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Because that's what I see when I see my father. On the paintings... and when I think of him in my head. It's like my head is spinning, flipping through all the images. And you must have so much more images of me... doing _that _to you." Draco confessed.

Harry bit his lip. "This situation sucks."

"Badly." Draco agreed. His heart sank to the floor. Harry was ignoring the whole subject.

"What are we going to do about it?" Harry asked.

"Well let's be honest with each other for one," Draco said.

Harry frowned. "About what?"

"Our feelings." Draco answered. It was Now or Never.

"What about our feelings?" Harry asked, flustered.

"I want to know what I am to you." Draco said, his heart racing and voice trembling.

"What? Where did this come from?" Harry asked, obviously very uncomfortable.

"I just want to know, before ... before we escape." Draco said, knowing that it made no sense at all. And he didn't even know where he got the courage to ask this, but he was just so fed up with waiting and guessing. He just wanted to know. There and then what his life would look like. A life with Harry, or a life without Harry. Unfortunately a life without Harry wouldn't really be a life. He pictured himself sitting in his house with a dozen cats to accompany him.

"Why are you asking me this. You know the answer you'll get." Harry sighed.

"No, I don't." Draco said. These emotions were new to him, he couldn't even control his breath and hated himself for asking. When he knew the answer he would get.

"You are the person who caused my mind to be messed. You are the person hurting me the most. But you are also the person who brought me back to life. The person I could turn to when it was too much. And now... if you'd asked me this morning I would have said you were my friend. Now it's all messed up. I think you still are and you're the person who'll know me better than anyone else, after this." Harry said.

The answer shocked Draco. He had expected Harry to say just one word. _'nothing'. _But it wasn't enough. A friend wasn't enough. He knew he had to be so pleased with the fact Harry saw him as a friend, but he wasn't. To him it wasn't enough and it could never be enough.

"Alright. Thank you." Draco said, turning around and walking out of the room.

Harry, however, stopped him. "Wait. You didn't tell me what you feel towards me."

Draco sighed. It was as if he was holding his heart in his hands. Begging Harry to care of it, but Harry just dropped it in front of him. "You already know that."

"No."

"I love you!"

* * *

_I'm sorry if this chapter bored you. I'm just trying to put my ideas and the things I thought of then into my story. Because my story isn't a fairy tale and you shouldn't expect it to be. Except for the ending maybe..._

_Oh and no lyrics in this chapter. sorry for that as well. _


	12. Fallen XII

Not Beta-ed yet, that version is coming.

* * *

"_I love you!"_

Those three simplest of words seemed to have caused an earthquake. An earthquake that would be the cause of an endlessly deep ravine between them. Separating the two souls forever. Like death would, but death would be more bearable than this.

Draco stared into space as the words suddenly lost their meaning. Over and over they were repeated in his head, until they were meaningless. Nothing but a few bitter words coming from deep within.

Those words had found their way out, after being hidden for so long. Hidden, silenced and denied, but they had survived and now they'd escaped. They found their freedom through his lips. The weight had been lifted from his chest. Only to be replaced with a much bigger weight, their consequences.

Their consequences would have to be carried, just like the consequences of his kiss. Both moments so bittersweet, so impulsive and so foolish.

Draco looked Harry's way. Several minutes had passed and Harry hadn't replied, which was probably better. He seemed to be in shock or was getting pretty pissed off. Draco couldn't decide which one it was.

"So... well... Now that I've made a total fool out of myself... I uhh... bye!" Draco decided to run, after shattering the fragile silence. He did not want to hang around awaiting Harry's reply. He ran out of his room and into the corridor. He couldn't stop there; he had to get away from Harry. From _everything_.

He was trying so hard to make everything better, but every time he tried things got worse. And the worst thing was that his worst nightmare seemed to become reality. After trying so hard to mend everything he had broken, trying to wash it all away, he was going to end up alone. It seemed to be his punishment for all the cruel things he had done. For all those times he hadn't listened to those little voices inside him telling him to stop. For all those times he had suppressed the lingering need to do the 'good' thing.

But now, he seemed to be doing exactly that. He _was _doing the good thing and look what a mess it made. It made an even bigger mess than doing the wrong thing. No wonder the lives of good people were so much more complicated.

Draco blinked and found himself standing in the dungeons of the Malfoy Manor. He shivered and wondered how he'd ended up here. He hated this place. It was cold, dark and smelled like torture. He knew what his father did in this place. He could hear their screams when he was younger. It used to keep him up all night. Then he got used to it and managed to ignore the terrifying screams of pure pain.

He'd never asked his father, but he had a feeling that their souls still lingered around this place. He could sense their pain.

He was allowed to watch on more than one occasion. He never had the desire to watch, but to refuse his father's offer would be impolite. He knew his father could smell his fear to watch and knew that was the reason he had watched many men and women being tortured. Until one night his father had actually _smiled_ at him. His fear was gone. He had gone numb, now he could follow in his father's footsteps.

Draco turned around and ran, again. The memories made him feel sick and disgusted by himself.

He made it back to his bedroom door without bumping into anyone. The Malfoy Manor seemed deserted, but Draco knew that there was always someone around. If it wasn't his father, it was one of his friends or his mother.

Draco closed his eyes and leaned against the door for a few seconds. Not sure if he was ready to go in that room and face Harry.

Harry... His whole world was about Harry now. Everything was about Harry. Almost every thought was about Harry. Harry, Harry, Harry. If he hadn't felt this love for the boy, he would have gone insane.

Eventually Draco took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Why were you lying to me," Harry asked immediately, his voice was soft. He was sitting on the bed.

Draco could see hurt and confusion in the boy's eyes. He shut the door behind him, although all his senses told him to get the hell out of there. "I wasn't lying to you. You know I wasn't." He said, leaning against the door.

Harry sighed, looking away from him. "I know." He whispered, now staring into space.

"I wish I was lying. It would make everything so much easier. You would hate me, I would hate you. We would get out of here and go our separate ways. I don't know how I got into this mess. I never felt this before. It must be love, because it hurts." Draco whispered back.

"You never felt love before? Are you sure you're in love with me?" Harry said, almost hopefully.

"It hurts to see you like this. It hurts not to be able to touch you. It hurts knowing you'll flinch away. It hurts like hell to remember what I did. It hurts to think about the future, knowing you won't be in my presence. Yet I would let you go if it would make you happy. I would give anything to see a smile on your face. I would give my life if it would safe you from _this all. _You tell me if it's Love." Draco said bitterly.

"Malfoy... I..." Harry locked his eyes to Draco's again.

"Tell me, is this Love?" Draco asked again.

"Yes, I think it is." Harry answered honestly.

"Oh Harry, how did we ever get this far. How did we get in this situation?" Draco asked. He walked over to the bed and sat down. He leaned against one of the posts and pulled his legs up, resting his chin on his knees. He did not care if he looked childish. He simply did not care. "How can something that's supposed to be so beautiful hurt so much? I thought I would never feel love. I thought my heart would always stay cold."

Draco looked up to where Harry was sitting. He knew Harry was watching him and suddenly felt very vulnerable. Harry could crumble his heart so easily. The mask was gone; the wall he'd built around himself was gone.

"Malfoy... I don't know what to say." Harry whispered. Draco looked so fragile. These confessions made everything so much more complicated. But now all the things Draco had worried about over the last couple of days made so much more sense.

"You don't have to say anything." Draco sighed, knowing there wasn't much to say. "Let's just work on the plan and try to forget."

Harry nodded, not knowing what else to say or do.

They spend the next couple of hours working on their plan. The plan was getting better, Draco's mood was not. He felt this sudden anger towards Harry for ignoring him and his feelings. He wanted Harry to hold him, comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be alright even if they both knew better. But he knew it was too difficult for Harry to hold him, to even touch him and it was his fault.

There was far too much tension in the air. He knew that he had to think of something else to do, they had been too serious for too long. They were acting like forty-year-olds. They both needed a break.

Suddenly he got an idea and wondered why he hadn't thought of it before.

"Harry, come with me." Draco smiled. He knew for sure that Harry was going to love this little surprise.

"Huh. What?" Harry looked up confused. "Where are we going?"

"That's a surprise," Draco smirked. He opened the bed curtains and got off the bed.

"But... We need to work on this," Harry pointed to his papers, whispering. He was looking anxiously to all the paintings in the room.

"Come on! We've been working on that all day. It's time to have some fun." Draco said, offering Harry his hand.

Harry didn't move and staring at Draco's hand.

After a moment Draco sighed and put his hand in his pocket. "Don't you trust me?"

Harry looked up, locking his eyes to Draco's.

"Stupid question, never mind." Draco whispered, walking away from Harry. He was determined not to show Harry the hurt he was feeling.

"I do trust you, a bit." Harry said finally.

Draco turned around to look at Harry. The boy looked exhausted and confused. Draco knew he'd debated the whole issue in his head, just like he always did.

"Do you trust me enough to let me surprise you," Draco asked, forcing a little smile on his lips.

"Good surprise or bad surprise?" Harry asked.

"Good surprise of course." Draco smirked. "A very good surprise. You'll love me for it."

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Okay maybe you won't, but it's worth a shot." Draco's smirk turned into a smile.

"Dream on, Draco." Harry smiled back.

Draco just smiled and pushed Harry towards the door. They walked down the big red carpeted stairs to the main entrance of the Malfoy Manor. Draco noticed that Harry hesitated more than once, but he never stopped following him.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked.

"To the dungeons." Draco answered, walking down the wooden stairs which lead to the dungeons. He turned around and saw Harry still standing at the top of the stairs.

"Are you sure this is a good surprise?" Harry asked, looking into the darkness of the dungeons.

"Yes, Harry it is. I'll take good care of you. I promise, just trust me." Draco said, offering his hand again.

"It's a little hard to trust you." Harry said honestly.

Draco sighed and looked around. Then he saw the ancient swords against the bricks of the dungeon and grabbed one. "Here," He said, giving Harry the sword. "If anything bad happens you can stab it, or me."

Harry took the sword and stepped into the darkness following Draco.

Draco noticed that Harry's hands were trembling slightly. Draco wondered if he should tell Harry what it was they were going to do, but decided against it. He wanted it to be a surprise. He wanted Harry to like it and him. He wanted to mend what was shattered by his kiss.

"This place smells weird." Harry stated.

"It's the smell of sweat, blood, burned flesh and tears. It's the smell of torture." Draco said matter-of-factly.

Harry stopped in his tracks. "What?" he spat.

"Don't worry Harry. What we're going to do has nothing to do with torture. It just happens to be in the dungeon. Blame my father, not me." Draco smiled, taking Harry's hand. He expected Harry to pull it away right away, but he didn't. His hand simply rested in Draco's hand.

Draco and Harry walked through the corridor passing many doors before Draco finally stopped, turning to Harry.

"Alright, close your eyes." Draco ordered.

Harry rolled his eyes before closing them.

"I saw that." Draco said, opening the door and pushing Harry inside. "Now open your eyes."

Harry opened his eyes and blinked, adjusting to the light.

"Draco!" He finally exclaimed, gaping at the sight of the room. "Is this what I think it is?"

"My father enchanted this room for me when I attended Hogwarts. I used to train here every free minute of my holidays. I wanted to beat you so badly." Draco smirked.

"You have a Quidditch pitch in your house? And you still can't beat me. I must be really good, or you really bad." Harry laughed, stepping further into the room.

"Not Funny Potter,"

"How did your father do this?" Harry asked amazed. "It's just like the Quidditch pit in Hogwarts!"

"It's almost exactly like the Quidditch pitch in Hogwarts. The only difference is the door in the middle of the pitch and the fact that you will bump into a wall if you fly too high or to far to the sides. But I'll let you figure that out by yourself." Draco teased. "So if you crash into something hard, it's a wall."

Harry laughed. "Oh. Thank you so much for the warning, Malfoy." He said with mock gratitude.

Draco smiled. "You're more than welcome, Potter. Now let's fly a bit, shall we."

Draco walked towards a little door in the stands and pulled two broomsticks out of the cupboard and a tiny golden ball. He threw one of the brooms to Harry and mounted his own.

"Wow, a starflash." Harry said, looking at the broom.

"But of course. We, Malfoy's, only have the best of the best." Draco said smugly, kicking off the grass and into the air.

He looked down and saw Harry kick off the grass as well. The boy's cheeks were flushed with excitement and there was an almost happy smile on his face. Draco smiled to himself and flew a few laps.

Draco noticed to his amusement that Harry was right behind him, making sure that he followed Draco's moves. He obviously didn't want to crash into one of the walls. What Draco didn't tell him was that the walls were soft and fluffy and that it was actually fun to crash into the walls.

"Want to have a race?" Draco asked, slowing down and waiting for Harry to catch up with him.

"Bring it on!" Harry smiled.

Draco could see the effect of flying in Harry's smile. He felt it too, the special sensation. Flying was freedom to him, in the air he felt free. As if he could spread his wings and fly away, letting go of his past and the reality as he kicked off the ground.

"Alright, around the hoops and back. Ready, Steady, Go!" Draco said quickly, leaving Harry behind him.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Harry shouted, but knew Draco couldn't hear him. Unless he caught up with him and that was exactly what he was going to do. He pressed his torso against the broom and felt the cold air penetrate his shirt causing shivers to fly over his body.

Soon they were both flying towards the wall; none of them was slowing down.

"Draco?" Harry glanced towards Draco.

Draco turned to look at Harry and smirked. "Yes?"

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but flew right into the wall together with Draco. Harry was shocked to feel the softness of the wall. They bounced back into the Quidditch field. Harry was desperately trying to keep control over his broom.

"Let go," Draco shouted. "The fall won't hurt."

Hesitantly Harry let go of his broom, just like Draco had done the moment they crashed into the wall. Draco hit the grass just a second earlier than Harry and bounced back up, still laughing.

"You're face! It's hilarious." Draco managed to say.

"This is like a waterbed!" Harry bounced a few more times.

"A what?" Draco asked.

"Never mind." Harry smiled, looking up to the sky. "You could have told me that the walls wouldn't hurt me."

"Well, it wouldn't be any fun if I told you." Draco pointed out, lying in the soft grass.

Harry sighed, looking up to the bright blue sky. "This is fun. Thank you for this."

"It's not over yet, you know." Draco said, sitting up.

"Draco, wait." Harry grabbed Draco's arm and pulled him back down. "Are we OK?"

Draco frowned, his heart skipping a few beats. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You know what I'm talking about, Draco." Harry said, looking deep into Draco's eyes.

Draco shifted uncomfortable, and tried to look away.

When Draco didn't answer, Harry continued. "Look, I'm fine how we are. I just want to know if you can live with the fact that I can't give you more than this."

"And what is _this _exactly?" Draco asked.

"This is a weird, complicated friendship." Harry answered.

Draco sighed and closed his eyes briefly. "I'm glad you see me as your friend, but it will never be enough. I know I'm in no place to complain, but there will always be something _missing." _Draco said.

"I'm sorry, Draco." Harry said.

"Yeah, well Life's a bitch." Draco smiled a painfully fake smile. "Let's fly into the wall again."

Harry smiled and helped Draco up.

"For what it's worth, Draco. I'm glad to have you on my side. You're a good friend." Draco raised an eyebrow at this. "If most of your actions were erased." Harry smiled.

Draco punched Harry on his shoulder lightly, before picking up his broom and throwing Harry's his.

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Harry Potter, Drama, Romance