Ninja Turtles 1. The Party

I don't own the TMNT

Been writing a storm lately. Good therapy. Normally I don't do comedy, I'm more of a horror type writer. But BubblyShell22 kinda encouraged me to give it a shot so here it goes, my first miltichapter comedy. So if you like it, thank her! :) I'm afraid that, in order to fit the ideas I have in my head I might've stretched the characters a wee bit. Hope I don't go too OOC, I know I'm really going to be pushing it with the supporting Canon characters. Also, normally I'm a first person writer, but because no one particular character is centered, I chose third person. Makes writing a bit harder, but with luck it comes out decent.

To me, there's a fine line between comedy and stupid, and I really hope I don't cross it too much. Let me know how I did, constructive criticism only, please, no flames. No one likes those!

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Mikey proudly set down the cake and smiled broadly at everyone. "Happy Mutation Day everyone!"

Raph leaned over the cake and gave it a sniff. "Is this…real cake? Like, really real?

His brother preened. "Yup! Chocolate cake with vanilla frosting! And _sprinkles!_"

Everyone's smiles broadened as the cake was cut and divided. Even as everyone tore into the cake, the conversation began.

"It's weird." Raph mumbled through a mouthful of cake. "A whole year is gone and our party is almost exactly like it was last year. You'd think that, considering all we've done that it would feel…different."

The others nodded thoughtfully. Don sighed. "I thought that at least April would be here." He fiddled idly with his cake, obviously not clearly in the mood to celebrate.

Geesh, he was doing _that _again. Raph snorted. "Gah, _drop it_ already, Donnie! She'll get over it when she gets over it! It's not like you had a chance with her anyway!"

It was too much, Don thought. His brothers would never understand. Suddenly he wasn't in the mood to talk. All they would do would be tease him and deny the possibility anyway. He stood up suddenly, knocking the chair over and, snatching his cake, marched over to the couch and ate there alone sullenly. Leo looked at Raph. "Was that really necessary? We're supposed to be celebrating here!"

His red-banded brother pounded his fist on the table. "Well, someone has to tell him!"

"We _have_ told him, Raph! He won't listen, you know that. So what's the point in pushing the issue? He'll figure it out on his own eventually."

"What, so I have to sit here listening to him whining the whole time?"

Abruptly Mikey stood up clutching his head. "You're tearing me apaaaaart!"

Everyone stood staring at him for a moment. Mikey stood up and giggled. Raph rolled his eyes. "We never should've let you watch that movie." Leo sighed.

Mike looked astonished. "What, and miss out on all those awesome quotes? I didn't know that old movies could be so awesome!" He sat back down and leaned back, tapping his chin with his finger with a playfully thoughtful expression on his face. "Wonder what's on Turner Classic Movies tonight?"

Raph shook his fork threateningly at him, making tiny bits of cake fly across the table. "I swear, Mikey, we're watching something modern today. I'll kick your shell if we don't!"

Leo snickered. "You know he's only pushing the classic movie thing to tick you off, Raph."

Leaning forward with a grin Mike looked at his brothers. "There's an awesome anime movie on tonight on Cartoon Network." He sidled his eyes to his blue banded brother. "You should love it, Leo. Ninjas from rival clans fall in love. The chick wears too much eye makeup. Sound familiar?"

His face turned red. He and Splinter still hadn't told any of the others about Karai's true heritage. "Damnit Mikey! I thought we've been over this! You don't know the whole truth about her!"

Splinter rapped his staff on the floor. "Silent!"

All turtles, including Don, approached the table and stood, looking chagrined. Splinter glared at each of them. "This is nonsense. Many things are not as we expect them to be, but we are together. We are still a solid family unit. We love each other. I want apologies."

Mikey grinned. "Love means never having to say you're sorry!"

"Damnit Mikey!" He lunched for his brother. With a delighted squeal, Mike sprinted across the Lair with his hot headed brother at his heels. Splinter smiled and shook his head with a chuckle. It was amazing how much his younger son could alleviate the tension. He slowly went to the kitchen to get a fresh cup of tea.

Don looked at his brother. "What were you talking about, the truth about Karai?"

Leo smiled. "You can't handle the truth!"

He rolled his eyes. "Really, Leo. You too?"

He laughed and went over to start a movie. Immediately Raph was beside him, with another piece of cake. "Modern, Leo. We're watching something modern!"

Don sat down. "What about The Terminator?"

"What?" Raph growled. "That's not modern! Even worse, it's full of quotes! Mikey won't shut up for a minute!" They all laughed and started ribbing him, suggesting ever worsening movie choices until he just glared at them and stabbed his fork into his cake. He frowned when he met resistance, and upon yanking the utensil out of the breading, saw a fat, brown roach with spindly legs skewered on the prongs. "AAAAAAAAH!" He flung the entire plate of cake across the room, scrambling backwards with a franticness born of fear even as his brothers erupted into laughter.

Mikey clutched his sides. "It's rubber, bro, relax! I got ya, didn't I?"

He never saw the kick coming.

"ACK!" Mike cried as he flew behind the couch, fanny in the air.

But his brothers still laughed, ribbing the hothead mercilessly until finally he went up to his room to check on Spike, grumbling all the while. Or at least that was the excuse. Really, he just wanted to get away from the cackling lunatics for a while.

Leo licked his lips. "Do we have anything to drink?

"No worries, guys! I made punch!" Mike hopped into view, sloshing a gigantic bowl of bright red punch.

"We weren't worried, why would we be?" Don looked up at him. "Where's the ladel?"

He looked down at it with a perplexed look on his face. "Uuuuh…" Scrunching his face, he looked into space as he set it back down on the kitchen counter. "I think it's in my room…"

"Why is it in your room?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I can get it!" He chirped and made a motion to put the punch bowl on his head.

Leo held up a hand. "No! Ah, I mean, maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. Uh," he leaned back. "Raph, you're by Mikey's room, he said the ladel is in there. Could you get it on your way down?"

Raph growled but complied without replying. He had already given Spike some lettuce, but the tiny turtle seemed more interested in sleeping at the moment. He considered telling his brothers where to stuff it, but, really, why the hell not just get the stupid thing? Trudging over to his brother's room, he shoved the door open, wrinkling his nose at the mess. Luckily he spied the ladel, sitting on the head of one of his action figures. As he reached for it, though, he spied a dark glass bottle halfway under the bed. Picking it up, he turned it over in his head. It was amaretto. A type of liquor, he knew. Opening the cap he gave it a sniff and curled his lip. Very sweet liquor, at that.

Just then a devilish idea came to his mind. His brothers just got through harassing him, he knew a way to mellow them out. Smiling to himself he snatched the ladel and the bottle and hopped over to the kitchen. "I'll wash it out, just sit down and I'll bring out the bowl." He called out.

Unscrewing the bottle, he dumped the entire contents into the bowl. It was sweet enough that it should be masked by the sweetness of the punch itself. Quickly washing the ladel he brought the bowl out and sat on the couch, eager to see the results.

He's had amaretto before, and, fairly sure he could handle it better than his brothers, poured himself a cup.

They started to watch the movie. Sure enough, it was The Terminator. Raph grumbled to himself, feeling at least somewhat vindicated for the punch. So, they ate popcorn, drank punch, and watched the movie. Mike hopped up and down at each action scene, already repeating the quotable moments. The others laughed and enjoyed themselves.

The movie was only partway over, not even halfway, when things started to get hazy. They were hardly aware when Splinter joined them, taking a cup of punch himself. For a brief moment, Raph wondered about the wisdom of the spiked punch, but then again…what's the worst that could happen?

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The Lair was deathly silent as sunset slowly approached. Nothing but the steady drip and the strong, steady snoring of several passed out teenage mutants.

Raph was the first to wake up. Groggily he opened his eyes. The first thing he was aware of was the intense pounding in his head. Groaning he clutched his head with both hands, fingertips massaging his scalp delicately. Slowly he got up to one elbow, groaning as he shifted his knee so that it was under him. Sitting up, he swayed as his head spun madly. "Aaaaaah." He moaned, putting a hand on the floor for extra stability. Blinking hard, he looked around the room. Everything was fuzzy. Blinking again, very purposely, it started to clear.

The place was a holy mess.

Streamers stuck to the walls. Globs of food were everywhere. Half the couch cushions were ripped to shreds. All sorts of trash littered the floor. Squinting he slowly swiveled his head. There, by the couch, he spied Leo. He was sprawled on the couch, face down, passed out cold. His arms were hooked over the upper cushions, the rest of his body was lying limply on the floor.

But something was off about him.

In his intense hangover, Raph couldn't quite put a finger on it. So, slowly, unsteadily, he stood up with the full intention of going over to investigate.

"Why the hell do I feel like this?" He mumbled to himself. "It was only some damn Amaretto."

It was then that he noticed that his right arm was slightly sore and tight. With half lidded eyes, he turned to look at his arm…

And saw a dozen roaches crawling up his arm.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" He screamed and jumped up, waving his arms to get them off. His unsteadiness, coupled with the debris mad tripping inevitable. He stumbled on a can, crashed face first into the table, thereby flipping the remainder of the cake that was still on the other end high into the air. It crashed, cake side first, right onto his head.

Leaping to his feet, sputtering as cake lodged in every crevice of his face and frosting got in his eyes, he looked down on himself and saw the roaches still there. "Heeeelp! Get them off me, get them off me!"

Leo woke up with such a start that he flipped himself off the couch and flat on his shell on the floor, smacking the back of his head. Bright stars danced in his vision amidst the intense, dizzying headache. Ignoring the overwhelming urge to vomit, Leo scrambled to his feet, staggering, he managed to reach his brother. "Raph? What's wrong?"

"THE ROACHES! THEY WON'T GET OFF ME!"

Leo grabbed Raph's arm, yanking it straight and slapped at the insects on his skin…only they didn't move. Squinting through his own hazy hangover, he peered at them closer, swaying slightly. "Raph…they're not roaches…"

He shot his head over to him with wide eyes, tiny bits of cake still falling from his head. "What? They're not?" Blinking he dared to look down. "What are they?"

Disbelief etching his features, Leo looked at him. "I think it's a tattoo. A full sleeve of roaches."

Raph's jaw dropped open in pure disbelief. Yanking Leo's hand away, he stared hard at his arm, rubbing the skin with his free arm. Sure enough, they were tattoos. And not the rub on kind. The skin surrounding the images was slightly red, all the area was a little raw and puffy. Definetly real tattoos. Both brothers stared at his arm silently for a moment before Raph exploded. "What the _fuck_ is this doing on my arm! I _hate_ roaches!" He stared hard at his brother. "What _happened_ last night?"

It was then that both turtles realized that, when they tried to recall the events of the previous night, nothing whatsoever came to mind. They just couldn't remember.

"Oh shit…" Leo mumbled, rubbing his head with his hand. He turned his back on his brother as he paced slightly, struggling to remember what he couldn't. "Why can't I remember?"

It was then that Raph saw what was so 'wrong' about Leo earlier. "Bro, you're swords…"

Leo swiveled on his brother. "What?"

Trying to hide the smile slowly spreading on his face, Raph pointed at the back of Leo's shell. Perplexed, Leo reached behind him and grasped them.

Immediately he knew something was wrong.

"No, no, no, no…" Yanking out his weapons, he saw, in his hands, where there should have been swords, was two light sabers. They were the high quality type stuff, the kind that looked just like it did in the movie. Leo stared at them in open mouthed shock for a long moment, almost as if he could imagine it away. Then he shook both, hard. "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" He swung to Raph. "Where are my katanas? My blades? This can't be happening! WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Raph yelled back. "Don't you think I want to know too? At least you can get new swords, what am I going to do? Get new skin? I have FUCKING ROACHES on my arm! ARGH!" He turned and threw his hands in the air, rubbing his arm hard, almost as if he could rub off the images injected into his skin. Then he stopped and turned to Leo. "Where are Mikey and Don?"

Immediately both darted in different directions.

Raph sprinted to Mikey's room. Before he reached the door, however, he heard a high pitched squeal from within. Fearing the worst, Raph yanked the door open, sai drawn, ready to defend his brother.

On the floor was Mikey, with a litter of six kittens squirming all around him, mewling, purring and licking him with tiny raspy tongues. He squealed again with a high pitched giggle. Grinning from ear to ear, he looked at his brother. "I'm a _mommy!_"

Staring at him with his mouth gaping open as Mikey hugged the tiny furry bodies, he just turned around and left the room. "I get a fuckin' disgustin' tattoo and he gets _kittens_! There is no damn justice!"

Meanwhile Leo looked in Don's room, but his brainy brother wasn't there. The next place he looked was the lab. As soon as he swung the door open, he saw his brother sprawled, face down, spread eagled on the floor, snoring heavily. "Don! Wake up!" Leo called out, flipping the light on. "Something happened last night…"

Don squirmed as soon as the light hit his lidded eyes, turning his face towards the floor reflexively. "Nooo," he moaned, "Just a little longer."

Looking at the light sabers he held in his hand, Leo's fist tightened. "No, we don't have time. Don, do you remember what happened last night? Why can't we remember?"

"Hm?" He slowly got up on his hands and knees. "Last night?" Pivoting slowly on his hand, he turned to face his brother, sitting down.

As soon as he saw him from the front, Leo's jaw dropped. Initially unable to speak, he instead pointed his finger to Don's chest. "You-you-you-oh, wow…"

"What?" Donatello said, scrunching his face in confusion. He looked down and gasped as he saw a white lacey bra on his chest, the loops around his arms securing the empty cups to his plastron. "Eeek!" Moving frantically, momentarily getting tangled in the straps, he snatched it off just as Raph came in and started laughing.

He snorted laughter. "Oh, wow, Donnie! Did you get laid last night?"

"What? I, uh, I, well, you see, it's just that, uh, oh, golly…" By now his hands were trembling slightly as he looked at the bra. His face turned a deep crimson. What _did_ he do last night? But, just like Leo said, the entire night was a blank.

"Who's is it?" Raph asked, striding over to it. Reaching out he snatched it up.

"Hey!" Don protested.

Raph brought it up to face level, smiling. "Not bad size. Good catch, Don, I- " he froze as a familiar scent wafted to his nostrils. His jaw opened in shock as he stared at his brother. "It's April's."

"_WHAT_!" Don snatched it back and buried his own beak into the cup, deeply inhaling. His pupils constricted as the scent hit home. "Oh, man…" he squeaked. Suddenly his loins grew hot. _Did_ he do something with her?

"Did you sleep with her?"

Rounding on Leo, pupils constricted into dots, he gestured helplessly with open, trembling hands. "I-I don't know…I don't remember!"

Raph cackled laughter. "So you might've been with the girl of your dreams, that you've been hopelessly pursuing, and you can't even remember it?"

Disbelieving despair washed over Don's expression and he buried his face in his hands with a low moan. "No no no no no no no no no nooooooooooo!

Mikey appeared at the door to the lab with a pouch stuffed with kittens. He was hugging them to his chest as they wriggled and mewed, purring like a half dozen tiny motorboats. "Dude! What happened last night? I don't remember a thing!"

Now that they were all together, and everyone shared the same memory loss, Raph looked at his feet, the sudden answer slowly dawning on him. "Ah, I think it's my fault." All heads swiveled in his direction. The tension got so suddenly, unbearably thick that it was palpable. He winced. Better just to say it. "I, uh, spiked the punch."

"YOU _WHAT_!"

He held his hands up in a defensive posture, the guilt warring with his anger at the situation. "You guys were being such hard-asses, and idiots…I thought it would help brighten us up a bit, or loosen up, whichever, you know?"

"No, Raph, we don't know!" Leo scolded. He shook his light saber at him. "Does _this_ look loosened up to you! How _stupid_ is that! Where did you get the alcohol?"

Eager to get the attention away from himself, he immediately jabbed a finger at his orange banded brother. "Mikey had it! I found it in his room!"

Sure enough all heads now turned to the youngest. He stared back at his brothers somewhat blankly and shrugged his shoulders. "The homeless guy that ate the squirrels dropped it. I just picked it up and forgot about it!"

Don's brain was working furiously, anything to keep from thinking about what might've happened last night. Oh, golly, he hoped so bad that it was a good thing. "But," He wondered, aloud, even as he held April's bra in trembling hands, "That doesn't explain our blackouts. For that to happen, it had to be an enormous amount, one bottle of anything wouldn't have done this."

Now it was Mikey's turn to look sheepish. "It might've had some mutagen in it…"

"WHAT!"

He reeled back in his own defensive posture. "I was sniffin' it, when I put some mutagen on me before I got shellacne, and some fell in. I never drank any! And I don't know that RAPH was going to pour it out!"

"You should've thrown it out!" Leo cried out, exasperated. He turned to Donnie. "Are we going to…change?"

Don still stared at the bra, now slowly feeling the fabric between his fingers.

Leo grimaced. "Don! Attention!"

He started. "Oh, uh, no. I wouldn't say we would. It's been long enough that if something would have happened it would've happened already." Suddenly he looked up, expression thoughtful. "It is possible, that considering how long the mutagen was in the liquor, that it changed the composition of it. That would explain the extreme reaction and the blackouts…"

"Mikey you're such an idiot!"

He cringed. "I know! I'm sorry guys! But hey, at least nothing bad happened, right?"

Immediately everyone exploded on him. Leo shook his light sabers at him. Raph showed his arm covered in roach tattoos. Don wailed at possibly ruining any future with April. They all argued loudly as they went out of the lab. It was then when the turtles looked in the direction of Splinter's room. The door was left open, which Splinter never did. Silence came over them as they hurried over to them, all wondering the same thing, if all this happened to them, what happened to Splinter?

Crowding through the door, they piled into the room. There, in the middle of the room, was a pile of fur. Rat fur. Splinter's fur. But no Splinter.

Mikey gaped at the pile. "So Splinter's out there, somewhere…and he's _naked!_"

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The quotes Mikey used:

"You're tearing me apart!" Rebel Without a Cause 1955

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." Love Story 1970

"You can't handle the truth!" A Few Good Men 1992

A/N: I have no idea what made me do movie quotes, but I'm considering continuing with it. Let me know what you think on that part.

To be honest, when I started writing this I seriously considered just making it a oneshot but it turned out a little better than I thought. Please let me know what you guys think, like I said before I'm not the most confident with comedy so I want to know when I hit and when I miss. Really looking forward to your reviews!


	2. What Happened?

I don't own the TMNT

It will be hard to top the first chapter, which is, of course full of the funny moments of them discovering all the messed up things. But in any case I hope that I did alright with this chapter.

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They stared at the pile of rat fur in open mouthed shock. Leo was the first to approach, laying a hand gently on the soft mound of dark fur. He looked at his brothers. "What happened?"

Raph growled. "We don't remember! Geesh! We've been over this! Idiot!" Stepping forward next to him he squatted by his feet. Then he looked at his brother, eyes suddenly narrowing in slight surprise as they stared at his hands from that position. "It was you!" He stared him in the eyes. "Why did you shave Master Splinter?"

His face paling, Leo immediately backpedaled, taking a defensive stance, staring at Raph. "WHAT! What makes you think that _I_ did it!"

Reaching over and grabbing Leo's hand, Raph turned it over and pointed at the bindings around his wrist. Sure enough, there were rat hairs stuck all around the wrappings. And it wasn't just a few hairs, it was a high number, both from the inner and outer coat. The other turtles quickly inspected their own, but Leo was the only one with the hairs. All eyes immediately swiveled to their leader. "Dude," Mikey gasped. "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! Of all of us, it had to be Leo!" He jabbed a finger at him with a wide smile. "You shaved Splinter!" He guffawed laughter. "Oh, that's rich!" he grinned at Leo.

Leo's mouth worked as he looked at his wrists again and again, almost as if it would change if he looked at it again. "What? Why? Huh? Oh-" he clapped his hands on his face. "Ooooooooh, what happened last night!"

Raph eyed the pile of fur disconcertingly. "Well, his robe's not here, so maybe he's not _completely_ naked…" He scratched his head, face scrunched as he tried to picture a hairless Splinter. Suddenly he got a mental image of a naked mole rat. He shuddered, eager to get rid of the image. "But why would we shave him? Why would he _allow_ himself to be shaved?" A thought came to him and he looked around at his brothers. "Did he drink any of the punch?"

Mike looked thoughtful while Leo still fretted over the 'evidence' and Don warred his attention with the current situation and the bra in his hand. Raph growled, not wanting to be in this position at all. "Leo! Don't worry about it. We'll deal with it later. Don! Would you stop playing with the fuckin bra already?"

Don started, yanking the bra behind him, blushing. Rubbing his head with his free hand, he tried to speculate, looking down. "I think so. He did join us watching the movie, he does like Schwarzenegger after all. And he, like _almost_ the rest of us," he emphasized, risking a glance at his red banded brother, "thought it was regular punch."

Leo grabbed his head in both hands. "So he was drunk too? Oh, how could this happen! Where did he go? Why the _shell_ did I shave my master?"

Looking up, fingers still fondling the cups, Don looked thoughtful. "Well, if we want to find Master Splinter, we should try to trace our footsteps. Let's think, what do we know?" Tucking the bra in the crook of his arm he pulled out a notebook. "Soooo…Leo, your light sabers, can I see them?"

Happy to be doing something a little constructive, he handed them over as Don inspected them. "These are high quality props, Leo. Wherever you got these, it wasn't an ordinary stores. These must have a hefty price tag. At the very least in the hundreds. You either got them from a specialty store or a fan."

Taking them back he ran his fingers over them. "Really? Huh. Doesn't that just make it more weird? Where would I have gotten them from?"

Don shrugged his shoulders. Taking the notes, he next turned to Raph. The red banded turtle glared at him and shoved his arm at him with a sneer. Not seeming to notice the expression, Don looked at the tattoo and ran his thumb over it. "This isn't exactly a high quality job, it's like a good version of a prison tattoo." Scrunching his face, he looked at his brother. "You, how would you even _get_ a tattoo? Who would tattoo a giant mutant turtle? If someone really acknowledged what you were, I doubt that the first thing they would do would be to give you a tattoo. Maybe he was inebriated? Or someone we know?"

Raph grimaced. "Who the hell do we know that gives tattoos? And who the fuck would think it's funny to do some goddamned roaches!"

Mike raised his hand with a grin and managed to dodge the blow from his grumpy brother.

No one could think of anything. Then it came to Mikey. He raised his eyeridges and held out his hands. Mike made a face, then finally selected a kitten. Snuggling it to his face, the kitten licked him on the nose and he giggled. With a triumphant grin he handed the kitten to Donatello. "Say hello to my little friend!"

Rolling his eyes, he took the squirming bundle of fur. As soon as Don had a chance to look at them, his eyes widened in surprise. "These are Bengal cats!" He turned the kitten over onto its back, but then it mewled and twisted in his grasp, hissing and scratching his hand. "Ah!" he yelped, yanking his hand away.

Mike snatched the kitten away from him, holding the offended feline to his chest. "Be gentle!" He chided. The kitten immediately calmed, purring into his plastron and snuggled in his hand as he tucked it back in to his pouch. "Careful with my babies, Don! Or I'll unleash the full wrath of an angry mother on you!"

Raph glowered at him. "Will you stop calling yourself a mother already? You're not a mother, you're an annoying brother! And they're not your babies, they're of a different species for crying out loud!"

"Uh," Don interjected. "So is Master Splinter…"

He whirled on him. "Can it Don! I have some fuckin roach tattoos and am in no mood! I swear I'll tear your precious bra to pieces!" Letting out a tiny 'eep' Don clutched the bra tighter.

Sticking his tongue out at him, Mike smiled warmly at the little kittens snuggled against his chest. "Don't listen to the big mean red turtle! He's just jealous because he doesn't have any adorable babies like you and his head's too big!"

He fumed, but Leo's hand cut him off. "Really, Raph? We don't have time for this!" He looked to his brainy brother. "Don, what are bengals? Why is that important?"

The purple turtle nodded his head to the kittens. "That breed of cat is ridiculously expensive. They are basically crossbreeds with the Asian Leopard Cat, which is a type of wild cat. Quality kittens like those can fetch thousands of dollars." He looked at his brother more critically. "You obviously didn't pick those up on the street, so where did you get such highly bred pets?"

Mike shrugged and snuggled them warmly. "Cause they're my babies and I'm their mommy!" Once again they all started purring. He grinned at the multiple tiny voices reverberated his chest. "They're like little vibrators!" he giggled.

Everyone stared at him for a second, mouth slack. "Does he know what he just said?" Leo murmured before shaking his head.

Suddenly Raph snickered, elbowing Don. "You're forgetting your own analysis, brainiac. We _know_ where you got the bra from! Why don't we go there, first?"

Donatello's face immediately reddened in a deep blush. He looked down, stroking the fabric of the bra for the umpteenth time. Yes, it had occurred to him more than once to simply call her but…what do you say? What actually happened? Did he actually…do anything with her? If he did, was it good or bad? Did he leave on a good note? What did they talk about? Did they even talk? For all he knew, he broke into her room and stole her bra. Or…Oh, if only he could remember!

Leo looked sympathetic. "Don, I know that it probably isn't the easiest route, but that is the only solid lead that we have…"

He nodded sourly. "Yes. I know. The conclusion is obvious." Reaching down, he flipped open his T-phone. Staring at it for a moment with a pitiful look on his face, he finally pressed April's number, which was on speed dial.

You could hear a pin drop as all the turtles stared at Don as he brought the phone to his ear, waiting for her to pick up. Several tense moments went by as it rang again and again. Until finally it went to voicemail. He slowly brought it away from his ear. "She didn't pick up." He whispered. "Did she do that on purpose? Did something bad happen last night? What if I messed something up? What if we had a fight? What if I said something horrible in my drunken stupor? Oh, what if she hates me forever!"

"Then we'll have one less thing to hear about constantly!" Raph snapped. Don Glowered at him, but he continued unimpeded. "Let's go to her aunt's apartment already! It's not like we don't know where it is."

"Raph's right." Leo said. "Night time has just started, we need to try to find Master Splinter before morning. Then, wherever he is, he'll be more exposed."

No one could find any reason to argue, so quietly they all headed across the Lair in the direction of the Shellraiser.

Only when they cleared the corner, they didn't see the Shellraiser.

In its place was a yellow Camaro with two wide black racing stripes going down the center. A _nice_ Camaro. All the turtles froze where they stood and stared hard, mouths agape. Mikey was the first one to rush forward, plastering his nose and both hands against the window, staring. "DUDE! We have Bumblebee!" Turning around he grinned a toothy grin. "I feel the need – the need for speed!"

Raph approached, touching the car and looked inside beside Mikey. "Woah, it _is_ Bumblebee! It's even got the autobot logo on the steering wheel! COOL!" He tried the door, but it was locked.

Immediately all hands went to their belts to feel for keys. Then they heard the telltale jangle and saw Donnie holding the keys. All eyes swiveled in his direction.

Leo gaped at him. "Don, did you steal Bumblebee?"

He looked at the keys in his hands and his eyes widened. "Did I? I don't know! I DON'T REMEMBER, remember!" He stared at the keys. "There's house keys on here…someone's going to be looking for this car! It looks expensive." He held his head in his hands. "Ooooh, can this day get any worse!" Through his fingers, he sighed. But he was getting ticked, too. All these accusations and unwanted attention was beginning to wear on him. "I don't _think_ I stole the car…sounds more like something Raph would do, don't you think?"

Mikey giggled as Raph glared at Don. "Oh, so if something bad happens, then automatically _I_ did it, huh?" He jabbed a finger at him. "_You're_ the one that has the keys!"

"Well, it _does_ suite your personality, doesn't it?"

Raph growled but then waved his hand at him. "Screw you. You don't know what you're talking about, lover boy." He looked at the car, absentmindedly massaging his roach tattoos. "Where's the Shellraiser? Hm? Or did I lose that too?"

Ignoring his remark and his tone, Leo looked at his brainy brother. "Don, can you track it?"

He huffed. "Yes, but I haven't perfected it yet," he grumbled, picking up the t-phone and pressing some buttons. "it only works at certain distances. If it's too far away, then I won't see it." Pressing a final button he looked at the screen and frowned. "Nope. We must be too far away from it." Snapping it closed he glared at his brothers. "So, do you want to look for the Shellraiser or force me to find out if I ruined my future with April?"

After a brief second of silence Raph grinned and raised his hand. "I vote potential humiliating embarrassment!"

Hopping up and down with the mewling kittens clutched to his breast, Mikey grinned, raising his hand. "Seconded!"

Don glared at them. "You guys can be such asses sometimes!" he snapped, looking at the keys in his hands. "Where is the door key?" he mumbled to himself. Slowly he approached the car, but as soon as he got two feet from it, it blipped and all the doors automatically unlocked. He stared at it. "Cool! I've heard of these types of keys! They unlock when you're close and lock when you leave! Some even start it as soon as you get inside!" He looked at the car appreciatevly. "This car must be a lot more high tech than it looks!"

All the teenagers grinned at the sight of their fancy new 'ride.' Elbowing Don aside Leo grinned. "Driver, coming through!"

Don pouted as Leo opened the door and slid in the drivers seat but said nothing. Then Leo stared at the controls and touched the clutch with his foot. Donatello couldn't help but smirk. "Know how to drive a manual, Leo?" He looked up at his brother and made a face. Without saying a word he climbed out and Don slid into his place. It was a two door car and after a brief scuffle, Raph and Mike slid in the back seat through the passenger side. Leo put the seat back in its place and closed the door.

Whistling, Don looked at the interior. "Fancy. Wow, it's a turbo diesel! Didn't know Camaros came like that! It must be custom. And that GPS is amazing! And-"

Raph kicked the back of his seat. "We know you're just stalling, Don. Let's get a move on. We're burning moon light! Potential humiliation here we come!"

Glaring at him in the rearview mirror, Don nonetheless stuck the key in the car. The huge engine rumbled to life. Like stars in the sky, tiny lights flicked on throughout the dashboard, revealing buttons and devices that they hadn't seen before. Then, a female, mechanical voice filled the interior. "Welcome, Donatello. Where would you like to go?"

Raph snickered. "NOW who stole it?"

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"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" – Zoolander

"Say hello to my little friend!" – Scarface 1983

"I feel the need – the need for speed!" Top Gun 1986

A/N: I know that Leo might be familiar with manuals, but honestly in my mind Don and Raph are the most adept, and I doubt they'd let Raph drive unless necessary! LOL The next chapter, we find out what happened with April! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!

ATTENTION: Don't forget that we're doing the voting on possibly changing the nomination categories for the TMNT Fanfic Competition. Please put in your vote! Nominations will be starting sooner than you think! PM me if you have any further questions. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile.


	3. April

I don't own the TMNT

A/N: I didn't know quite how to make this particular chapter fully follow the comedy angle, considering the subject. I don't consider myself a good writer of drama scenes, or love scenes. Nerdfighter helped me decide exactly how to play it, so *bows* In any case, I hope that you all like it!

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They drove down the darkened city streets, the engine making a pleasant noise that made all the guys smile when they first heard it. It had powerful gears, and when Don shifted it responded instantly, the clutch vibrating with the strength of it. Seeing that the streets weren't nearly as busy as normal, he went a little faster than necessary. Especially on the turns. But it handled beautifully, hugging each curve tightly, pulling them all low and to the side.

Holding onto his kittens Mikey giggled. "Oh, wow, this is so _awesome_! Let's not even look for the Shellraiser! Let's just keep this bad boy!" He looked at the front console with wide, happy eyes. "Does it speak through the radio? Can it transform? Oooh, ooh! Where's the cube?"

Nodding happily, Raph grinned. "I wouldn't mind getting into some street racing, with the right ride…"

Leo shook his head. "No, guys. We'll have to find its owner eventually, they're looking for this car most likely. And wherever the Shellraiser is, we need to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, especially with the weapons system on it."

Raph frowned. "Yeah, almost forgot about that part." The Shellraiser _did _have some cool toys. With a sly smile he looked up front. "We can put some blasting canons on this one, right?"

Making a face and rolling his eyes, Leo looked out the window. "It looks like we're almost there." He said, ignoring the question and cast a sidelong glance at Don, who hadn't said a word since they actually started going. "You alright?" He asked hesitantly.

Chewing on his lip, he shrugged, but his hands trembled slightly on the steering wheel. He could just picture it. Surely, with his luck, he did something horrible. So horrible that April was going to hate him forever. He would live the rest of his live lonely and alone, nothing but his machines for company. Briefly he wondered if it was possible to make a robotic April…

His thoughts were interrupted as April's apartment building came into view. Stopping the vehicle at the curb, he stared at it with a sigh, allowing the engine to idle with a healthy rumble.

The interior of the car was silent for a moment until a snicker from the back seat made a muscle in Don's jaw twitch. Leo put a hand on his shoulder and smiled gently. "Why don't you go up by yourself?" he said in a low voice. "Talk to her if you need to, we'll be up in a minute."

Shaking his head, Raph grabbed the seat and poked his head in between them. "No way! I came here to see devastating humiliation and that's what I'm going to get!"

Giggling, Mikey elbowed him. "Dude, you're just upset because he got a bra and you got roaches going up your arm!"

With a snarl Raph rounded on him, causing Mikey to let out a high pitched squeal as he wrestled with him a little in the confined space, all the while keeping the kittens clutched protectively to his chest. The car rocked slightly as his brother half-heartedly attacked him.

Cocking a hesitant grin Leo nodded his head. "Better go now while they're distracted." When he turned Leo put a hand on his shoulder, gesturing to the bra still in the crook of his elbow. "Ah, you might want to, um, leave that behind. In case she, uh, she…doesn't need reminding? Or, uh, um, the…Sorry." His face reddened along with his brothers.

Nodding silently, Donatello placed the precious bra the center console after one final stroke with his thumb, not trusting one of his brothers not to snatch it. His mind was working furiously with what Leo said. He was right. _What if she hates me?_ He thought to himself. _Give me an army of Foot ninja, the Kraang, shell, even the Shredder. Not this!_ Slowly opened the door he closed it softly behind him. With a face that seemed to fall further by the second, he stared gloomily at the building. In his current pessimistic frame of mind it might as well have been a looming castle. With a sigh he slowly approached it and started to climb up the fire escape. Though it only took a about a minute, the upward travel seemed to take forever to the poor turtle in purple. When he finally came to April's bedroom window he found it open.

Peering inside he saw her sitting at her desk with a small lamp, hunched over an open textbook. It looked like trigonometry.

Something in Don's head was tempted to just leave. _So_ much easier that way. Not bother her. After all she sure seemed to be busy…

His thoughts were interrupted when abruptly she turned around and met his gaze. For a brief second they simply stared at each other, their eyes locked. Don's heart thudded hard against his plastron and his muscles quivered. Surely this was when she screamed at him? Or slapped him? Or said that she never wanted to see him again?

Heart hammering harder, he watched her stand up, pushing the chair out of the way and slowly cross the space of her room. Frantically he searched her face for some sign of terrifying anger, but all he seemed to see was…he wasn't quite sure. I mean, he saw it on others, in the streets and movies, but never on her. Never was great at facial expressions. Suddenly he found himself stammering. "A-a-april! I, uh I j-just wanted t-to-"

His words were cut short when she placed her hands on either cheek and pulled his face into hers. Touching their lips together, they slowly became enveloped in a long, slow kiss. Don was floored. Quicker than he thought possible, he pulled out of his shock and his body responded in ways that he never really felt. Or did, but could never before act upon. Muscles quivering, his belly feeling light, he continued the kiss, the kiss with the girl of his dreams, the girl that he never thought would dream of kissing him like this. It was more than he could believe. Surely this had to be a dream!

Giving out a slight whimper, his lips burned onto hers as she tilted her head at an angle, deepening the kiss. Heat flooded his nether-regions and he gasped, head swimming.

Slowly, gently, teasingly she broke the kiss, leaning her head back so that she could see his face in the same expression, one that he now had to assume was sensuality. He stared back at her, gaping like a fish, suddenly not being able to get a single breath in. She gave him a slow smile, one that sent him pooling to the floor in a puddle of turtle. Oh, how he always wished he would get a smile like that!

"I was hoping that you would stop by again, Donnie." She turned her head and looked at her bed with a wistful look on her face. "Last night was _amazing!_" Realizing what she was staring at, her face became enveloped in a deep blush, one that was quickly returned by the turtle.

Last night? The bed? So he _did…_Oh, OH! Wow! Ooooooooh golly!

WHY COULDN'T HE REMEMBER!

Suddenly he never wanted to remember something so bad in his entire life. This couldn't be happening, a sick joke, surely.

He licked his lips, having trouble finding his words, still tasting her on his tongue. Feeling heady, he looked at her, not believing that he was even having this conversation. Hell, he even had trouble believing what had transpired! "So…you're, uh, happy?"

She brightened right before blushing again, looking down slightly with a goofy smile. The very picture of a girl who'd just lost her virginity. His stomach did an odd little flip-flop even as the corners of his mouth hitched up in a goofy grin. "Of course! I mean, I was surprised when you came by, but _the things you said!_ I've never heard you talk like that before! Where'd you learn stuff like that? It was so amazingly poetic!"

He said? Poetic? What did he say? Oh, shell. He really should tell her the truth. But oh, he wanted to pretend. At least a little longer. Against his better judgment, he shrugged, doing his best to look nonchalant, mind still reeling and struggling to grasp tendrils of reality. "Oh, you know. I'm self-educated." What the hell did he say that caused that! Did he suddenly become incredibly articulate when he was plastered? In some did alcohol make you a regular Casanova? Perhaps it was the mutagen that changed the properties. Maybe he'd have to look into that…

His thoughts were interrupted by her giggle as she slowly pulled him into her room. Following like a love-struck puppy, he slowly climbed from the window sill. "I forget sometimes how smart you are! There's something that I've been meaning to tell you…you didn't really give me a chance last night…" She blushed deeply once more. Again, Don did the same. Was I that, uh, aggressive?

"I'm sorry for before. I knew that you maybe had a little crush, but I had no idea how, um," she bit her lip. "_Deeply_ you felt. I really am sorry."

His jaw hit the floor, mouth gaping open comically. Sorry? _Really?!_ "No, April, its fine! Really!"

He really, _really_ needed to remember last night.

Giving him a shy smile, she looked up at him with her bright, beautiful eyes and enveloped him in a hug. Knees weak, he returned the embrace, high on his own hormones when she snuggled deeper instead of pulling away. _This is really happening!_ Truly, it must be a dream! Feeling her lips on his neck, he shivered as his hormones urged his attention to the heat building in his groin. "Can you say it again?"

"Hm?" His brain whirled, the room was spinning. If this was heaven, he never wanted to leave!

"Say what you said last night…I want to hear it again!" Nuzzling her face in his hot skin, she sighed happily.

Nearly all feel good feelings almost immediately washed out of him as if someone dumped a bucket of cold water on him.

OH SHIT!

Of COURSE he would need to know details! Then his brain switched to the obvious. How would she react when he told her that he didn't remember? She was a smart girl…a teenager…just had her first time…

This isn't going to end well.

Suddenly he heard a guffaw of laughter from the window. Turning around, they saw Raph and Mikey peering in through the window. A grin playing his face, Raph waved them on. "No, no, continue! Go ahead, Donnie! Tell her what you said!"

Looking confused, Mikey looked at his brother. "But I thought we couldn't remember anything from last night?"

Just then Leo appeared, glaring at his two brothers. "Guys!" he hissed. "I told you to give him some time!" Switching his gaze to April he put on a sympathetic look. "April, I don't know what happened last night, but I swear we didn't do it on purpose! We just need to find out where we went after coming here. Splinter's missing and-"

"Wait." April interrupted, holding up a hand. Eyes now blazing, she turned them to Don. "WHAT are they talking about?"

Don gulped, seeing the anger build higher in her face. Knees trembling, he looked down, rubbing the back of his head. Might as well say it. Dream sequence was obviously over. "We kinda, um, accidently, definitely NOT on purpose, completely WITHOUT meaning to, ah, got drunk last night?" A muscle in her face twitched, but she remained stonily silent, waiting for him to continue. "Soooooo…we can't, um, exactly, uh, completely…remember anything?" He put on his best smile, all the while slowly inching himself away.

She stood there for a second, not moving, just blinking. Eyes darting back to Don, mouth set in a grim line, she glared at him. "SO, last night meant nothing?"

He held his hands up in a defensive, placating gesture. "NO! That's not it at ALL! You can't believe how I feel for-"

"YOU DON'T REMEMBER!" She screamed at him. Turning around she dug her fingers in her hair. "How can you NOT remember? All the things you said, how romantic you were…" Rounding on him she shoved him back with both hands. "You ASSHOLE!"

Raph's jaw gaped. "So, he actually did 'it?' Wow!" He gave his brother a look of renewed appreciation.

"YOU!" She snapped, jabbing a finger at him. "Stay out of this!"

Mikey held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Relax, April! It wasn't Donnie's fault! Raph's the one who spiked the punch with MY mutagen liquor! Don't blame Donnie!" Putting on a winning smile, he stroked the kittens still piled against his chest.

The others flinched at his words. "Can't you shut up for once?" Raph hissed.

Jaw hanging open, she looked at the turtles. "So you were ALL in on this? How could you!"

"No, no! It's nothing like that!" Leo said, eager to diffuse the situation. "Raph didn't know that the liquor had mutagen in it, and Mikey didn't know that Raph was going to take it! It was all one big accident, I swear!"

Turning to Don, limbs trembling she said "So last night was…an accident?"

His face paled. "No! Of course not! Please, April. Please try to forgive me!"

Instead of answering she turned around and planted both hands on her desk, staring at the hard surface. After a brief moment, she whipped around. "Maybe you guys should go. Just…go."

The air was so thick that Don found it difficult to breathe. "Please." He whispered. "Let me make it up to you, somehow."

"GET OUT!" She screamed.

Instantly Don deflated right before her. Something whirled in her eyes as she watched him get crushed right before her, but she didn't say anything, though her hands ached to do otherwise. But she was too pissed. Instead she turned her back on them while he slowly slunk out of her room.

The dour mood permeating everybody, they went down the fire escape to the waiting Camaro. All except for Leo.

"Look, April. I'm so sorry that you've been hurt but…Master Splinter's missing. We don't remember where he went, so we're trying to retrace our steps. Do you know where we went, uh, after we dropped Don off here?"

She was silent for a moment, her eyes studying Leo's face. She heard him mention it earlier, but she was so incensed that she didn't really _hear _it. But Master Splinter's missing? Maybe this was more serious than just being about her. With a sigh she went to her printer and pulled out a sheet, handing it to Leo. "You wanted to see this person. A Spacenik. He had a Space Hero comic that you've been looking for."

Taking the paper, he gave her a slight bow. "Thank you April." He said in a low voice.

Saying nothing, she looked down, struggling to hold back the sudden tears that seemed to spring to her eyes. Putting a hand on her shoulder, Leo squeezed. "I'm really sorry, April. And I know Donnie is too. He…he really cares for you, you know. A lot."

Still she said nothing.

So, slowly turning away he went out the window, hearing it slam shut behind him.

With a sigh he looked at the paper as he slowly made his way down the fire escape to the Camaro. Charles Manning. Avid collector of Space Heroes and Star Wars paraphernalia. At least they knew where to go next.

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"Where's the cube?" Transformers 2007

A/N: I know, not a lot of laughable moments, but the next chapter should be completely different! In case you didn't quite see it, I'm really going to be picking on Leo in the next chapter...man do I have some evil plans for him! Scandalous, even! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! PLEASE leave a review! :)

Also, if you're interested I do have a dark Donatello fic called Light Purple Dark that I'm working on. Oh, how I love readers! I think the alerts didn't work for that one again, it's really suffering from a lack of attention! *sobs*

ATTENTION: Don't forget that the TMNT Fanfic Competition is coming up! Won't start until after this year is over. PM me if you have any further questions. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile.


	4. Oh My Samurai!

I don't own the TMNT

A/N: I kinda struggled with this chapter. The first half went so smoothly, the last half...really hard to imagine how they'd act in a situation like that, you know? Hope I did alright and kept everyone in character!

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Piling back in the car, the turtles were silent, though Raph and Mikey looked like they wanted to chatter on. This time, though, it seemed as though they listened to Leo's instructions of silence. Or perhaps they knew that they pushed it as far as was really necessary. For a moment, Don just sat in the front seat, not saying a word, not starting the car, just staring blankly at the front windshield. His brothers shared the silence for a moment, allowing him to adjust…or whatever he needed to do.

With a sympathetic expression Mike reached up and squeezed Don's shoulder. "At least you'll always have Paris."

Suddenly Don snorted, unable to keep out the bark or laughter. Shaking his head, he looked down with a slow smile as he started the car. Leo smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze as well. "You had no control over it, Don. I'm sure she'll come around…in some way."

He looked at his older brother and sighed. Most likely, he was right to some degree. Maybe he would never have anything that compared to that wonderful night that he couldn't even remember, but maybe he could have something. After she cooled down and thought about it, maybe. He knew that would take a while, but at least the possibility was there. After all this mess was sorted out, then maybe he could try to start. He said the right things once, though he was hammered, maybe he could say the right things again while sober. In any case, the quicker they finished in their quest to find Splinter the sooner he could start trying.

With a sigh he took the paper from Leo and put the address into the GPS. He raised an eye ridge. "A spacenik, Leo?" A small smile spread on his face.

Happy to have the subject matter changed to something less depressing, Raph slapped the back of Leo's chair. "What do you know, you're right! You're not the only one who likes that stupid show!"

Giggling, Mikey rubbed two kittens' tummies at the same time. They rolled in the sling and purred mightily. "Yeah. Maybe that's where you got the awesome light sabers from, dude!"

Sighing, Leo fingered the handle of one of the light sabers, making a face. "Yeah. Maybe. I can't wait to get my blades back, though."

Shaking his head, Raph chuckled. "I don't know about that, think of the show you'd be putting on when we fight the Foot! I can picture it now, it's straight out of a scene from Star Wars." Smile broadening he poked Leo in the back of the head. "Maybe we can even get Shred-head to act like Darth Vador!"

Putting a hand over his mouth, Mikey mimicked the labored breathing of the infamous villain in black, trying mightily to put on a threatening facial expression while somehow keeping from laughing. "Leooooooo! I am your Faaaaaaaaather!"

"Noooooooooooooooooo!" Raph cried out dramatically, shaking his fist in the air in an imitation of Luke.

It was too much. The scene alive in their brains the brothers, including Don, erupted in laughter as Leo shook his head.

Face darkening, his fists tightened mightily on the handles of the light sabers. Leaning his head back he groaned. "Guys, would you shut up about it already? The light saber jokes can stop soon, I'm not keeping them!"

Snorting, Mike giggled again. "Dude, you know us better than _that!_"

Raph snickered. "What makes you think that'll stop the light saber jokes?"

Turning to face him as Don pulled away from the curb, Leo poked Raph's arm with the fresh tattoos. "So what does that make you, then? Hm?" He blanked for a second while trying to think of an insulting name. "The roach-turtle-guy?" Hearing what he just said, even he winced a little.

Slapping the door, Mike laughed. "Dude, just admit that you suck at naming stuff!"

Happy to get some support though still irked at the reminder of the roach tattoos, Raph smirked, eager to change the subject. "Yeah, Leo. I don't know how many times I have to tell you to just give it up?"

Looking contemplative, Mike put a finger to his chin. "Now Roachael… _that's_ a bug name!"

A wide grin playing his face, feeling vindicated, Leo gave Mike a high five. "I love it! Let's keep the name! Hah!" Putting on an innocent expression, he looked at Raph. "What are your thoughts, Roachael?

A look of angry shock painted on his face, the hothead stared at his two brothers. "No, we are NOT keeping that name! I'm Raphael! Not some stupid, disgusting, gross bug! I'm Raphael! RAPHAEL! Say that disgusting bug name again and I swear I'll kick your tails to next Tuesday!"

Grinning, Leo looked from Mike to Don, who by now was sharing in the fun as well. Holding up his hand, he counted down. "Three…two…one…"

"ROACHAEL!" the three brother's chorused together.

"You ASSHOLES!" Raph snarled and tried to make a grab at Leo while taking a swing at Mike.

Then the car stopped so suddenly that all four brothers were yanked to the ends of their seatbelts. Leo, who wasn't sitting properly, got tangled up as his shell smacked the dashboard. "Ow! Why'd you do that, Don?" they said.

He grinned. "We're here, and I felt like it. Besides, at least it shut you guys up!

Wagging a finger, Mike tsk'd tsk'd him. "Uh oh, Donnie's going all weird on us!"

Managing to untangle himself, Leo unbuckled and shook his head. "No, cut him a break. Things were getting out of hand anyway." Looking at the house, which was not in a bad neighborhood but not really in a good one either, he took out the light sabers. "Hopefully I can get rid of these things. With any luck he knows where we went after this so that we can be one more step to finding Splinter."

"I'm telling you, I will _not_ be that name!"

Shaking his head, looking sympathetic, Mikey patted his tattoos. "Dude, you're so sensitive!" His brother growled at him.

"Guys, focus!" Leo barked from the front as he surveyed the house. "How are we going to do this?"

Happy to change the subject, Raph ran his eyes over the house. Slapping his fist into his palm, he grinned. "Easy. Go in there. Bust some heads. Get your toothpicks and find out where we went next last night. One step closer to Splinter."

Chewing on his lip, Don briefly contemplated the situation and shook his head. "I'm not so sure of that, guys. This looks like kind of a busy neighborhood. Look down the street, people are out here and there, lights are on, plus the sign that we passed said that they have a neighborhood watch. And you see all the cars parked around here? They're all centered on this house. Something's going on in there, that's for sure."

For a long moment they stared at the house, not even trying to get out of the car. The situation was completely new. Truth be told, they never really had to infiltrate a house before. "So, we can't just walk in there, we don't have clothing with us that can cover us as a disguise, maybe we can sneak in?" Leo wondered, trying to figure the situation out. Truthfully, if they had to sneak in then it would take more planning. Infiltrating a single house in a neighborhood was a lot different and a lot trickier from some apartment building. People paid attention more, the entire structure was different, _everything_ was different!

It was then that the door opened and a broad shouldered woman came out, chatting with some other women around her. She was wearing enough sequins to qualify as a disco ball, the dress clinging to her less-than-curvy figure like an onion skin and her heels were high enough to rival some strippers. Her makeup was also on the heavy side and her hair looked slightly over styled. When she turned her head and saw them, they saw the look of recognition pass over her face. Before they could move she practically sprinted over to the car, moving with practiced ease despite the spike heels, waving her hand with a happy smile on her face. "LEO! You're here!"

That was the last thing that any of them were expecting. Mike smiled at his brother. "Bro, you have a girlfriend!" Wagging his eye ridges he poked him. "Nice muscle tone!"

Something definitely wasn't right. Shocked, Don didn't even try to pull away. Especially when another woman came out behind her in a somewhat gaudy samurai outfit that no self-respecting samurai would ever dream of wearing…partly because the super sparkly, brightly colored armor, the equally sparkly tiny helmet perched precariously on her hair and some stiletto sandals were the only thing she was wearing. But at each side of her hip on a low slung belt, were Leonardo's katana. All the turtles recognized it instantly.

The sequin wearing woman reached the Camaro and pressed her hands to the glass, motioning with her hand to lower the window. Not quite sure what else to do, Leo obliged. Still, truly wrong here.

"Oh! So glad that you showed! We were waiting for you, in fact we were about to leave without you! How naughty of you silly guys to keep us waiting!" Giggling, she batted her fake eyelashes at them.

It was then that it dawned on him exactly what was wrong.

She?

Eyes widening at the realization, Leo took in her face, leaning forward slightly. The artificially heightened pitch of the voice was the first clue, done so purposely to conceal the natural lower octave. The broad shoulders, the complete lack of cleavage despite what appeared to be ample breasts, the wide hands…the large Adams apple…

Blinking, Raph's jaw gaped open. "Holy shit you're a dude!"

Cringing, Leo and Don waited for the guy to explode. Instead, looking at him, the cross-dresser smiled. "You mean you just now figured it out? Why thank you so much sweetie! My costume must be getting better if it took you so long! At least it's better than last night, right? We were so happy to have other eyes to judge our costumes as we tried them on. I tell you, dearies, it took me _forever_ to hem this dress to fit! Why can't they make dresses for people with bigger chests? Ah well, at least you'll be here for the contest, right? So exciting! Never had someone outside our normal group participate with us before!" He giggled.

Suddenly Leo had a sinking feeling. "Contest?" His voice came out slightly squeaky.

Flashing Leo a smile, he winked. "Oh, how cute! This is your first time, isn't it? Don't worry, you'll do fine!" Standing up he adjusted his wig as the half dozen other figures crowded the car, exclaiming loudly with high pitched voices, waving their fingers tipped with fake fingernails. All the turtle's eyes took them in. The body hair, some not quite shaved. The broad shoulders, the developed pectoral muscles, the Adam's apples…The slightly over-the-top costumes, hair and heavy makeup all serving to disguise the same thing.

Somewhat hesitantly Don nudged his older brother. "Ah Leo?" He said in a low voice, so they wouldn't hear. "Why, exactly, did you meet up with cross dressers?"

Staring back at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, he shrugged his shoulders. "I don't remember?" He wasn't feeling too hot.

Rubbing his face hard, not really bothering to conceal a grin he eyed his brother. "You're doing a show for them?" Snickering, he looked at the men surrounding the car. "I can only wonder what you'll be doing for all these 'hot chicks!' I can picture it now! Probably some dance, some song…"

Hearing Raph's comment, a dark skinned man dressed in an outfit that screamed Dolly Parton, shook his head, curly blonde wig bouncing with the movement. "He's not doing a show _for_ us, he's doing a show _with _us!" He gave a laugh. His large Adam's apple bobbed at the motion. "We'll get into our cars, you just follow us, kay?"

The man in the samurai outfit winked and wriggled his rump. "Thanks again for letting me borrow your swords! I hope the light sabers have been a good enough replacement until the show is done!"

How could he had forgotten? Maybe it was the realization of what was happening. All these 'ladies' knew him how? Rounding on the samurai, Leo gaped, poking his head out the window. "Borrowed my katana? What? I thought you were a spacenik! I-"

Reaching through the window he placed a finger on Leo's lips, silencing him. "We talked about it last night, remember sweetie pie? We all wear different costumes in life." He ran his eyes up and down Leo's body. Blushing, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious, he covered himself with his hands. In the back seat, Raph snickered, pounding the seat to keep from laughing out loud. "You look _fantastic_ by the way!" the man exclaimed.

Don looked perplexed. This was far too weird, even if you discounted the fact that their car was surrounded by cross dressers and that one of them had Leo's katana. Finally, he confronted the elephant in the room. "Wait. Aren't you, uh, concerned with what we are?"

Abruptly all the guys went silent as they looked at the fancily dressed men, awaiting their response. The samurai looked sympathetic. "Honey, who are we to judge you when you don't judge us? We're all just different, 'tis all. This is fun, don't you think? We've never met furries before!"

Leo scrunched his face. Furries? He look at Don for explanation. His brother had a hand clapped over his mouth, trying to keep his own laughter out. "I'll explain it in a minute! Just go along with it!" he squeaked out, motioning towards the samurai.

Shaking his head, Leo struggled to focus. "Look, uh, ma'am." He shot a glare to the back seat at Raph, who snorted another choking fit of laughter before turning back. "I, uh, I think that we might have gotten something, ah, a little bit mixed up last night. Some things are going on right now so I really need my swords back. Please."

Something crossed over his face and he lowered his chin as he stared at the turtle. "It was an agreement. We both honored it. You let me borrow your katana for my outfit, and you can hold onto my light sabers for collateral, remember? Don't worry, I'm taking good care of them. You'll get them after the show. After _we_ do the show. Just like we agreed."

This was getting out of hand. Briefly he considered taking them back by force, but not only was it too open, half the people here were chatting and texting on their phones. The police would be called in an instant, and more than one video or picture would be taken. Licking his lips, he took a deep breath before continuing. "We kinda…drank too much last night. We did some things…that we didn't mean to do, and now we're trying to…find someone. Could we just, maybe, forget the whole thing and you can, perhaps, tell us where we went after this, if you know that is? Please?"

Samurai's face darkened. One of the other guys came over, looking at his friend with a concerned expression. "Something wrong?"

Giving a smile he waved them off. "You guys just get in your cars. I just need to tell him something, I'll be right there!" Nodding his head, they dispersed and began to carefully get into their vehicles.

Turning back to the turtles, he looked at them with hard eyes. "Look." He said, using his normal, deep voice. "You can't be fuckin serious. We made a deal. I let you cry on my shoulder and all that. I told you that my partner backed out, you volunteered. We made a deal. I'm not breaking it and _you're_ not either. I already paid for your tickets. They're non-refundable. So, this is how you're going to do it." Holding out his hand he ticked his fingers down at each thing he said. "We're going to go to the show. You're going to do it with me. You're brothers are going to have fun. Afterwards we'll exchange swords again and then, and _only_ then, I'll tell you anything I know. Got it?"

Gripping the seat, Raph snarled. "You can't be serious! Leo! Take this seat forward so that I can kick this guy's ass!"

He didn't look the least bit phased at Raph's outburst. "You don't have too much of a choice, sweet cakes, from how I see it."

Snarling, Raph made a motion like he was going to go over the chair. Placing a hand on his hand, Leo gestured towards the front. Sure enough, all the other cross dressers were staring at them. Several had their phones in their hands. Shutting his eyes, Leo shook his head. He didn't like it any better than he did, but he felt that they would benefit from not having so much attention paid to them. Besides, even if they got the swords back, they needed a clue as to where to go next. "We need to find Splinter. Just think of him." He said in a low voice. Growling, Raph slowly settled back into the seat.

Leaning back he winked at them, adjusting his straight black wig, Charles the samurai smiled. "Don't worry, you'll have fun!" Swaying his hips, he walked to his car.

The Camaro was stonily silent for a long second. Leo's mind was working furiously. Raph was the first to break the silent. "Alright. What the _hell_ just happened?" Glaring at his brother, he grimaced. "What did you just get us into? We're not seriously go through with this, are you?"

"Technically," Don interrupted, suddenly looking speculative, "According to what he said, Leo's the only one who will have to go through with anything. The rest of us just watch."

Leo blanched even as the full implications of what he said dawned on his brothers. He'd almost forgotten that part with everything else that was going on. Suddenly Raph let out a giggle. "Well, maybe this won't be so bad after all!" He wagged his eye ridges at him. "Wonder what they'll make you do, fearless leader!"

"Shut up!" Leo hissed. "I'm only doing this to find Splinter!"

Laughing, slapping the back of his chair, Raph shook his head. "Yeah. Sure! _That's_ why you volunteered for it last night, right?"

"Can it Roachael!"

"Uh, bros?" Mikey quipped in for the first time. "Did anyone else notice something a little different about those girls?"

The brothers were silent for a moment before Raph slouched back in his seat, hiding his smile with his hand. "Don't worry about it little brother. Don't even worry about it."

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"We'll always have Paris." Casablanca 1942

"Luke, I am your father!" Star Wars 1980

A/N: I AM NOT trying to make fun of cross dressers here! I just couldn't get the scene out of my mind and had to do it. Admit that this situation is at least a little amusing? I admit that I am expecting a few negative reviews on this one, but so long as they're constructive right? I hope that everything was within character and at least somewhat realistic. Please leave a review and let me know what you think! It is always a great motivator hearing from my dear readers! :D

Also, if you're interested I do have a dark Donatello fic called Light Purple Dark that I'm working on. Oh, how I love readers!

And for those who don't want to look it up or wait until the next chapter, a Furry is a fandom who likes anthropomorphic animals (humanoid) with human characteristics and personalities.

ATTENTION: Don't forget that the TMNT Fanfic Competition is coming up! Won't start until after this year is over. PM me if you have any further questions. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile.


	5. The Sub Culture Convention

I don't own the TMNT

A/N: This particular chapter, and likely the next one too, will be treading into the sexual territory. Partly I blame it on The Hangover, which as you know this is a crossover of, and also this chapter kinda reminds me of my smut story, Comic Con, which I am working on right now. Nothing deep or serious. This chapter isn't quite as funny as the last one, but it's good to take a break every once in a while, right? In any case, I really hope that you like it!

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Don was slightly on edge as he pulled away from the curb, following the vehicles of the cross dressers as they headed to their special party. On one point, he seriously wanted to get going, this all seemed so useless. After all, this was Splinter that they were talking about. But then again, the very possibility to see their normally composed or serious brother, in what promised to be an extremely hilarious situation…could he seriously pass that up? Maybe it wouldn't take too long. Not like _he_ had to do anything but watch, right? After all, he could use a laugh after the visit to April's. This seemed to be distracting enough that he was able to keep from dwelling on it.

Having no warring thoughts whatsoever, Raph couldn't stop smiling. "I wonder if they're going to make him wear a tutu!" He snickered to Mikey, making no attempt to say it quietly. In the front seat, Leo's face darkened but he didn't say a word, refusing to give him the satisfaction of the argument. At least for the time being. Relentlessly, Raph pushed forward. "One with a frilly pink skirt. And tights!" Placing his hands under his chin, he batted his eyes comically. "And a pirouette!"

Obviously not quite fully understanding the situation but happy to participate anyway, Mikey grinned, hugging his kittens to his chest. He didn't really get why they'd put Leo into something girly like a tutu, but it did indeed paint a funny picture. "Yeah! And maybe, he can dance or something too!" The kittens started purring and he stroked them with warm fingers. "My babies really want to see the show too, Leo." Stroking their little heads he made a silly face to them. "Yes you do, don't you? You want to see Leo-Weo dancey wancey don't you? Yes you do! Yes you do!" Three heads smacked into their hands at once with simultaneous groans at the ridiculous baby talk. Nonplussed, Mikey fussed over them for a little longer. Then, looking at Leo with a slightly more serious tone, attempting his own way of fishing for information without getting teased by Raph, he leaned forward. "What _do_ you think that they'll have you doing?"

He didn't answer. Just sank lower into his seat, avoiding their gazes. Seriously, how could he have gotten himself into this situation? What was he venting to that guy about last night? What in the world possessed him to let that guy borrow his swords? And agree to a damned show? Doing it was bad enough, but with his brothers as an audience? He'd never be able to live it down! With rough gestures he rubbed his face. 'Just think of Splinter. This is all for Splinter,' he repeated to himself.

Mikey broke the silence with yet another thing that was bugging him. "Uh, Don? What are furries? That's what the lady said we were, right?" He began to look confused as he looked himself over, running a hand over his smooth plastron and skin. "Are we? I mean, I don't _feel_ furry."

Raph was about to say something but with a sudden thought he covered Mikey's ears before speaking as if he were a child, even then doing so in slight hushed tones. "Aren't they some weird animal sex club or something?"

Don looked at them through the rear view mirror, cursing his internet curiosity. If Splinter knew the things that he came across when he explored the unfettered internet, he was sure that it would be banned from the Lair. He was also sure that he had seen oh so much more than his brothers.

By now Mikey had wrestled his head from Raph's grasp with a petulant whine, which caused the kittens to meow in complaint. As he soothed them, Don tried to pick his words carefully. None of them were truly prepared to shatter their dear baby brother's innocence. "That is the case in some instances." He answered. He blushed as he remembered some of the sites that he came across. Granted, most all of them were animated, but even then when he discovered them he didn't leave his lab for a day. Blushing deeper, he cleared his throat. "But mostly they are simply a type of subculture, where they either believe or like to pretend that they are anthropomorphic animals."

"What?" Raph and Mikey asked simultaneously.

"Humanoid animals. With human-like personalities and traits. They normally do this with elaborate costumes and outfits."

Mikey stared at him for a second as he absorbed the information. The rest stared at him, wondering what he'd get from it even as they themselves absorbed the information. Splitting his face with a grin, Mike giggled. "So we _are_ furries!"

Slapping his face, Raph groaned. "NO, Mikey, we're NOT! We're mutant turtles, remember?"

Shaking his head, he still grinned. "But we're humanoid animals, right?" He wriggled the fingers on his hand in proof.

Reaching over, he pinched his brother's arm. Mikey yelped, jerking away from him. Glaring at him, Raph huffed. "Does _that _feel like a costume to you?"

Poking out his lip, Mike sought comfort with the mass of kittens nestled against his chest. "I was just sayin!"

"Guys, be serious!" Leo hissed. He was getting more and more upset by the second. Something that was unusual for him. "At least this sub-culture thing is giving us the perfect cover. We can't let them think otherwise, alright?" Turning to look at them, he put a resigned look on his face, clearly dreading what he was about to say. "So, while we're in there, we're not mutant turtles. We're…furries…"

"We're almost there." Don interrupted. All the brothers leaned forward to look. Sure enough, the cars were beginning to slow. They pulled into a small side street which was somewhat secluded from the other businesses. At the end of the road, was a large warehouse. Their jaws dropped seeing the sheer number of cars parked in the lot. All of them exchanged looks. Just how many people were they talking here? They could all feel their stomachs give an odd little flip as they surveyed the scene. It was clear to them, even to Mikey, how important their cover story would be. Any wrong move that would even hint at exposing what they were would likely end up on dozens of different sites complete with picture and video and would likely branch out from there.

When they pulled into a parking spot and their cross-dressing hosts started to clamber out of their vehicles, they still remained inside. They could hear the noise coming from the building and all their minds were trying to picture how many people had come in those cars and what they were doing in there. Or was about to do.

Mikey was the first one to break the serious tone. "C'mon guys! Let's get our freak on!"

As if on cue, Don and Leo silently opened the door and climbed out, allowing their brothers to follow suite. Sequined Samurai along with black Dolly Parton strutted over to them on sky-high heels. "Doesn't it just look awesome?" Samurai said with a toothy grin.

Hopping up and down, feeling the excitement in the air, Mikey giggled. "Does it ever!" Playfully he slapped Raph on the back, hard. "C'mon, bro! Let's go in there! Dance, dance revolution!"

Dolly Parton pointed his finger at the kittens. "Uh, honey? I'm not sure that animals are allowed in there."

With a laugh, Mikey waved them away. "Of course they are! We're _all_ animals on the inside, right? Besides, they're furrier than I am, don't you think? Plus these are my babies!"

Dolly stared at him for a moment before laughing. "You're right! I'm sure that no one will complain. It's not like we haven't seen weird things here before. Heck, you'll be downright normal!"

Still feeling nervous as all get out, Don looked around. "Soooo…we haven't been to this party before. What do they, uh, do? Here, that is?"

Sequined Samurai waved a hand at everything as they made their way to the entrance across the parking lot. "It's a crazy wicked party, right? We came up with the idea five years ago and ran with it ever since. Basically all the sub-cultures come together and party hard with everyone. Then a few years back we started doing contests and shows. It was so awesome! We even have prizes!" He smiled at them, looking proud. "Honestly it took us a while to bring the furries in here, they can be hard to track down. Some were here last year, but apparently this year the word has gotten out and there's supposed to be all the furries in New York State here to celebrate together, so you won't be alone that's for sure!" Turning to Leo with a softer voice, he pinned his gaze on him. "No more cold feet, right sweet thing?"

His face paled, but he stood resolutely. 'Just think of Splinter' he repeated to himself again. Meeting his gaze he shook his head. "No. We made a deal. I will honor it." His voice trembled slightly.

Sequined Samurai pouted. "You don't have to sound so _serious_ about it! Trust me, you'll have fun!"

Jabbing his elbow at him, Raph grinned. "Yeah, relax Leo! I'm sure that you'll have a blast!" He batted his eyelashes at him once more with a snicker.

"Shut up Roachael!" Leo hissed at him.

Glowering at him, Raph's fist tightened.

Immediately Don was between them. A fight without bits of costume falling off would look way too suspicious. "Let's get inside, Raph. I'm sure that Leo has to, uh, get ready? For the show?" He looked questioningly at Samurai. Leo turned slightly more pale at the mention of it.

Beaming, he nodded. "Oh yes! But not now. Our show is one of the last ones. First individuals go and do what they want to do, you know, express themselves. Then at the end the sub cultures that want to do a big show." He craned his head, listening. Sure enough he could hear some upbeat music on the inside, with a voice craning into the air. He smiled and nodded. "See? So you have some time to kill. Go ahead and mingle! Have fun! Make friends! Just don't get too naughty! I'll find you when our time gets closer." Suddenly one of his fellow cross dressers whispered something into his ear. For a second he looked concerned, then he cocked his head, his eyes assessing Leo. "How is your singing voice?"

Suddenly Leo was speechless. Why the hell was he asking about his singing voice! He was about to tell him that he, in no uncertain terms, could sing worth a damn but Mikey, innocent as ever, quipped in first. "Oh, he's the _best! _Don't let his modesty fool you! I just love to hear him belt out a tune!"

The fact that it was true didn't matter at all. He rarely, if ever, sang and the very thought of doing so in a situation like this was way too much. Pure terror seemed to grip the pit of his stomach. With a growl Leo yanked on his bandana tails, about to tell him to shut his trap but it was too late. The deed was done.

Samurai looked beyond happy and winked at them with relief evident in his voice. "Perfect! That solves one issue. Our singer forgot to tell us that he has a touch of the laryngitis. Be sure to warm up those vocal cords for us!" Handing the tickets to the bouncer-type person at the door, they stepped forward.

They reached the massive double doors. They opened easily and immediately they were accosted by a wall of sound. The place was full of people. They saw other cross-dressers, both male and female, there were vampires, people dressed up as other various mythical creatures, people with body altercations, and everything in between. Booths were set up where people sold items that the various subcultures used. There was an obvious sexual thread running through everything. There were the toys being sold, uniforms and outfits. Some of the people were dressed much more provocatively than their brethren, and that was even if you discounted the dominatrices and other such things. And intermixed with everything, were the real furries. Some were dressed in outfits that resembled those of sports mascots, others had more hand-made costumes, some obviously tried very hard to look accurately like the animals they were trying to represent and some only sported simple ears, nose and tail with their regular clothes.

There was a stage in the other corner, where some vampires were doing a slow seductive dance that involved licking each other. Not much were paying too much attention. Something told them that the real excitement would start when the group shows started.

Samurai waved his hand. "You guys have fun, I'll catch you later to get ready for the show, Leo!" He winked at Don with a sly smile. "By the way, _love _the bra!" Before the turtles could protest, he was gone.

His brothers looked down to see April's bra tucked into their brainy brother's belt. None of them had noticed him slipping it in there. Mikey giggled.

"Seriously?" Raph jabbed him, half annoyed and half tickled.

With a deep blush, Don glared at him, really not in the mood. "You have roaches permanently tattooed on your arm."

It seemed like a slap in the face. Raph glowered back at the blatant statement but said nothing back, perhaps sensing his mood. Rolling his eyes, Leo tried to assess their surroundings and Mikey looked around excitedly. Strangely enough the presence of the sequined samurai served as some sort of comfort, now that they were alone it seemed like they were more exposed as the man in the glittery armor disappeared amongst the people.

So they were left amongst the teeming masses of people, clustered together in a tight heap out of sheer nervousness of the situation. People teemed around them, not truly notice the bunch of mutated teenagers. This in and of itself was new enough that it threw them off completely. Of course, the first to break out of the terrified state was Mikey as he slowly began to take in the fact that no one would really look at them twice. No one would call the police or scream. For once, with so many people present, he could be accepted. Stroking one of the kittens with a look of awe, he looked around in wonder. "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." He whispered. Then, with a delighted squeal he leapt in the air, looking at his brothers with an excited expression. "DUDES! This is so AWESOME!" Turning, he immediately dove into the crowd. "C'mon, guys!"

Not about to admit his own nervousness, Raph was the first to surge after him. "Wait! Damnit, Mikey!" Unwilling to be left behind, the remaining two went after them, eyes darting anxiously about the crowd, still not really acclimated to this new type of situation. It was difficult to keep track of their excited brother. Strange, normally they would stand out like a sore thumb, just being what they were. But around here they looked almost…sedate or tame.

He sprinted here and there, stopping for a few seconds to gawk or gush over something before darting to the next thing. This was the only reason why they were able to keep him in sight. Finally they truly caught up with him as he looked at a sex toy display. All the items were colorful, bright and even seemed whimsical to a degree. Jaws dropping, the turtles looked at their youngest brother as he held up a thick glass rod with a rounded tip. Multicolored LED lights were strung through it. "Look at this cool flash light." Mikey wondered as he held up the dildo.

Snatching it out of his grasp, Don thrust it back to the salesperson, who was dressed in an outfit that seemed to come out of Candyland. Probably the reason for the toys appearance. Quickly he scanned Mikey's face, but from his appearance he seemed clueless at the true purpose of the items. Breathing out a sigh of relief, he nonetheless rounded on him. "What do you think we're doing?" He hissed.

With a grin Mikey shrugged. "I dunno. Having fun! That's what that samurai lady told us to do, right? And how often can we have fun like this? With actual people?"

"Think, Mikey! We're not doing this for fun! We're doing this for information! That guy knows where we went next, remember?"

Mikey pouted. "Then can I do the show with you at least? Why should you have all the fun?"

Leo's jaw gaped and his eye twitched. "_FUN? You think I'm doing this for FUN?"_

Tapping him on his shoulder, Don looked around. "Uh, Leo? Where's Raph?"

Whipping around, muscles bunched, he looked around as well, teeth gritted in frustration. "Oh come on! This day is getting worse and worse! Is it seriously too much for me to ask for you guys to simply behave yourselves?"

Just then Raph appeared, looking excited. "Guys. I need some money. How can we get some?"

Blinking, patience being worn more and more by the second, with his upcoming show, Leo stared hard at his brother. "_WHAT?_" Shaking his head, he shoved his fists into his temples. "Why the hell do you think you need money?"

Grin spreading on his face, Raph jabbed a finger behind him. "There's this guy on this booth, who says that he can cover up my stupid roaches for $50! Can you believe it? I don't want some goddamned roaches on my arm for the rest of my life. This is my chance! How many more will I get?" Just then his eyes turned pleading. "It's not a lot…"

"It doesn't matter!" Leo hissed. "That's not why we're here! And if _I'm_ going to have to do some show with _drag queens_ then I don't have an issue with you having some stupid tattoos!"

"Hey, you volunteered to do this show!"

"And someone held you down for the tattoos?"

"And if I may interject," Don said holding up a finger, "Any tattoo that cheap is something that you don't want to get anyway, especially for a cover-up. The only thing you'd really gain is a bad tattoo and some sort of disease like HIV or something."

Raph glared at him, then looked around suddenly. "Uh, guys? Where's Mikey?"

Sure enough, their brother was missing once more. With a groan Leo looked at Raph. "See what you did? Now we lost him again!"

"What did _I_ do?!"

"You distracted us! You-"

"GUYS!"

They both turned to see Mikey elbow to elbow with people that made their jaws drop. Grinning, he giggled.

"FURRIES!"

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"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." The Wizard of Oz 1939

A/N: I know that Leo was a little twitchy in this chapter, but considering what is going to be happening it's a little understandable right? Also, if you consider the voices of all the turtles in the 2k12 series, doesn't Leo's sound like the one that can generate the best singing voice? At least it does in my opinion. Yes, the next chapter is the shows! Please, if you read it, leave a review! They are such an awesome inspiration to write more, if you know what I mean!

Also, if you're interested I do have a dark Donatello fic called Light Purple Dark that I'm working on. Oh, how I love readers!

ATTENTION: Don't forget that the TMNT Fanfic Competition is coming up! Won't start until after this year is over. PM me if you have any further questions. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile.


	6. The New Glittery American Idol

I don't own the TMNT

A/N: Firstly, sorry if I didn't respond to your last reviews! Between fanfiction having issues and my own brain being kinda loopy I missed some, replied to some twice, and just got all around confused. So, thanks so much for your continued support! :D

This chapter was harder than you might think for me. For one thing, I don't really listen to music. I'm one of those weirdos who can drive for hours with no sound and be content, so I had to do research for the song choices. It was even harder picking on how Leo would react during the show and especially after. I did get inspired by something sleepingseeker said so I give her my thanks! In any case, I really hope you like it!

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They stared for a long second. The silence was broken by Mikey giggling and pointing to a mascot-style costume of a raccoon next to him. "Guys, this is Rocky," Pointing to another mascot-style suite of a sheep "and his girlfriend Laura." Pointing to others, a grin splitting his face he started jabbering off names. Most weren't named so…obviously. Many had normal names, others more mystical or creative and the variances in costumes was vast. They all were friendly, perhaps their adopted personalities came off a bit strong here or there, but overall if you excluded the animal costumes the seemed relatively normal.

A young woman wearing a skin tight leopard print spandex suit with little ears in a headband through her hair with her face painted with a black nose and whiskers had her arm slung around his shoulders, emanating an exaggerated purr. She eyed Mikey with an obviously sensual gaze, stroking her hand across his plastron. "And this is Josey." He finished with a grin, seemingly oblivious to the intent of her actions. In fact he seemed so immersed with the fact that he had located furries to talk to that he wasn't aware of too much else.

Josey sidled her body up against Mike's as she smiled at the rest of them. "Pleased to meet you! We haven't seen turtles around before! I had no idea how…intoxicating your presence would be!" She craned her neck over Mikey's shoulder, intending to blow in his ear but his head was turned as he jabbered happily to a half skunk half cat.

Raph's face darkened immediately as his green eyes followed her manicured hand as it ran across Mike's collarbone. The orange clad turtle abruptly shivered, much to his surprise. Gnashing his teeth, Raph growled. The protective streak in him rose sharply for his youngest brother, who in his opinion was much too innocent for someone who was like this wench. "Get your hands off my brother!"

She gave him a chagrined look. "Come, come now!" She turned to Mikey, running her fingertips up his neck. He paused at the sensation, as if not sure what to do. Which was true. "Do you want me to go?" She asked in a slightly petulant voice, bringing her lips less than an inch from his skin as she spoke.

Suddenly Mike perked his head and blinked as another shiver ran down his limbs. Funny, he hadn't noticed that he was feeling this way before! It felt so…awesome! A pool of liquid pleasure seemed to form in his belly and he gave her a goofy smile. His eyes seemed to notice her manner of dress for the first time and the heat in his belly warmed even more. Feeling giddy, he smiled. "No, of course not!"

Fixing Raph with a pointed look, she smiled. "Maybe I can be the mommy to these cute little kitties of yours! After all, they need a cat around the house, don't you think so?"

Looking down at the mass of kittens still in the sling against his chest, Mikey temporarily forgot the situation to snuggle them, much to Josey's annoyance. "Oh, yes! You guys do need a mommy-wommy, don't you? My cute little babies!"

All three brothers were glaring at the female. "Like I said." Raph hissed, stepping forward. "Get. Off. Him. NOW." Fists clenched and jaw tight, he bared his teeth at her.

Mikey looked between the two, not sure exactly what was going on. "Guys? What are you doing? We're just talking and stuff."

Leo stood behind Raph, looking resolute. Don assessed them with a critical and steely gaze. "Just so you know," The purple banded turtle told her, "He is under eighteen." Wagging his finger, he smiled.

She gave him a pained look. "Geesh, would you cool it already?" Then she flashed them a fiendish grin. "Besides, I'm under eighteen too…in human years."

Don wasn't quite sure how to process that. Did that mean that she considered herself according to cat years, or that she really was younger than she looked? His thoughts were interrupted by a person in a furry suite with half a wolf head mask on. There were about six others in various forms of wolf costumes around him, forming an obvious pack. The alpha put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Cool it down, already, Josey."

She gave him a growl but followed suit anyway, not leaning on Mikey quite so much. He looked around all of them, still so thoroughly perplexed. The feeling in his insides wasn't making the comprehension much easier, either. When no one seemed willing to fill him in, he shrugged, sure that maybe he would get it later. He was having way too much fun to worry about bland details like that.

A pink deer waved at Leo. "So happy to see you here! Especially a fellow herbivore! I swear, so many fangs in this place, you're afraid you'll get pricked, you know?"

He looked at her, unsure what to say.

Mike giggled as he somehow burrowed deeper into the group. "So, are you guys doing a show too?"

The wolf nodded. "At first we weren't, after all it isn't normally our thing, but some thought it would be fun. A chance to goof off. At least, with the current crowd, no one will get the wrong idea." He grimaced. "Hopefully."

Josey waved him off. "Gah, you're so serious all the time!" Turning once more to Mike she snaked her arm around his shell. "Do you want to join in? I think you'll find it very…stimulating…"

His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "REALLY?! Oh _yes!"_ Hopping up and down, he giggled and looked at his brothers. "What do you say, bros? Leo can't have all the fun!"

Leo slapped his face once more. He was having difficulty fully concentrating on the situation with his upcoming performance. Hell, he'd rather face an army of Foot ninja, even the Shredder! Just don't make him sing in front of all these people! "Mike! How many times do I have to tell you? I'm NOT doing this for fun!"

The furries seemed a bit perplexed by that statement, after all, why else would he perform? But their thoughts were interrupted by Raph stepping forward, reaching for his brother. "We're not performing! Especially you, Mike!" Grabbing his arm, he yanked him towards him with a yelp.

Some of the group looked concerned, concerned enough to step in anyway, but Don saw it coming and waved them off with a placating gesture. "Don't mind him. He's just in a mood. Forgot his nap. We'll talk about it and let you know later. Thanks so much for the invitation!" Putting on a winning smile, he nudged Raph away.

This seemed to be enough to soothe them and they slowly drifted to one of the booths, looking at the wares. Josey blew Mike a kiss. "I'll catch you later, hot stuff!"

Mikey blinked. It was beginning to sink in. "Hey guys, I just thought of something. You think that maybe she likes me?" He was beginning to feel a little bit of flutter in his stomach at the thought. Why didn't he think of it before?

Turning, Raph bored his eyes into his. He wanted to pop this bubble. "No. Mike, she doesn't. Stay away from her, understand?" Before his little brother could respond he whirled on Don, still on full steam ahead. "What the hell do you mean, 'we'll think about it later?' Why would we need to do that?"

"Because!" Don hissed back. "We're supposed to be fitting in here, remember? That's kind of hard when you're so busy alienating us from the group that we're supposed to be a part of! Next time be a little more subtle about it, will you?"

Just then their conversation was interrupted by Samurai, who stepped in the middle of them. As soon as they saw him, Leo turned pale as a sheet. "Hey! Glad I found you guys!" He turned to Leo. "I just remembered, you don't know any of our dance routine! Let me take you to the back and give you a once over. And…" He eyed Leo up and down. The turtle blushed under the scrutiny. "I know last night you said no physical altercations to your costume, but I DO have the glitter and stuff that I can put on top."

Mouth working like a dying fish, Leo stared. Don clapped his hands over his mouth to keep from laughing. Finally Leo managed to find his voice. "Dance? _Glitter?"_

Slapping his thighs, Raph grinned ear to ear. "Oh _hell_ yes, Leo! I want to see you shake it! With sparkles!" He released another snort of laughter but Leo was still in so much shock that the time had come that he couldn't even think of a retort.

Samurai put a hand on his shoulder. "Alright, honey. The groups are going to start soon, we need to get ready, kay?"

All that came out of Leo's mouth was a high pitched squeak as he reluctantly allowed himself to be led away by the glittery feudal cross dresser. Raph was snickering the entire time, even after he disappeared from view. "Holy crap! Don, can you believe it?" His smile nearly split his face in two. "Glitter! Dance! What could be better!" A sudden idea came to him and he looked at Don with a pleading expression. "Our T-phones take video, right?"

Not even Don could completely hide his smile. Should he? The very thought made him near giddy. How often did he see Leo in a position like this? It would be so _mean._ But then again, how could he pass up an opportunity like this! Looking at Raph, he nodded. "Yep. Can take up to an hour's worth." He and Raph looked at each other, grinning for a moment before simultaneously pulling out their phones and opening them. Quickly Don showed him how, and by the end of the explanation both turtles were snickering.

"So do you think we should let Leo know right away about the video?" Don was near giddy. He was seriously doing this!

"Nah." Raph grinned, suddenly feeling energized. "We should wait for the most embarrassing situation possible to show it." Then he thought for a moment and shrugged. "Which could be right away, who knows?"

"Oh, you're bad!"

"You're the one who volunteered the information!"

It was then that Don noticed the lack of a pestering brother and looked around, his smile slowly fading. "Uh, Raph? Where's Mikey?"

Spinning around, the red banded turtle looked around but sure enough their younger brother was nowhere to be seen. "Shit! I bet that catty bitch has him!" He hissed and immediately went charging into the crowd. With a groan, Don chased after him, not willing to lose two brothers.

They found the wolf furry that seemed to be in charge of the group to some degree. Don was barely able to keep Raph from jumping on him. "Where the hell is our brother!" The turtle shouted at the furry.

The wolf just looked at them and raised an eyebrow. "Ah, he ran off with Josey. She wanted to show him the moves to the dance that they're going to do. Why?"

Jaw dropping, Raph's face purpled slightly. It was exactly the culprit that he thought it was! He couldn't wait to get his hands on her! "You let him go off with her? WHY the hell would you do that!"

The wolf crossed his arms. At the motion, several of other wolves in different styles of costume edged closer behind him. "Because, whether I agree with the dance or not, it's what they want to do. If you're brother wants to do it, then why stop him? It's a free country. He just wants to have a good time."

Fists tightening, he glared at the wolf. The alpha, who must have been at least forty, didn't even bat an eye. The other wolves slowly maneuvered into a slight semicircle around the pair. Seeing the situation escalate to a dangerous level, Don managed to slip in front of Raph. "Ah, sorry. He's just our youngest so, you know, protective and all."

He stared at them for a second before nodding. "That's understandable. But you can't keep him on a leash forever. He's old enough to make his own decisions. Just let him have fun. I'm sure he'll be fine."

Blinking, Raph slowly started to calm down until a younger wolf, in her early twenties, giggled behind her alpha. "Besides, hooking up is fun at places like this!"

The re-realization of what could be happening right now, without him there to protect him from nefarious females, was too much for the poor red banded turtle. Luckily Don anticipated his moves before Raph could even start to fulfill them. He already had a hold of both of his wrists before she was halfway through the sentence, twisting his arms until his brother had to bend over slightly from the strain on his joints. Holding his roaring brother while the alpha gave the young woman a growl of reprimand, Don gave a lopsided grin. "Maybe it's best we go over there somewhere, until after the, ah, performance."

"Yes. That would be best." He answered in a clipped tone.

As soon as they were a safe distance, Don released his brother's wrists, immediately dancing out of the way for the swing that he knew would come. "What the HELL are you thinking moron! I thought you were supposed to be the _smart_ one!" Raph frothed at him with a menacing growl.

"Calm down!" Don hissed, looking around to see how many people had noticed. Though a few people were staring, most didn't seem as though they'd interfere just yet. "Remember all that jazz about _fitting in!_" He gave a frustrated sigh and massaged his scalp. "Do you think I like this situation any more than you do? The fact is, we lost him, and it's too late to get him back without calling WAY too much attention to ourselves. Let's just hope that he has the common sense to…" He stopped mid-sentence and let his shoulders slump in defeat.

Raph stared at him blankly. "You couldn't even finish the damned sentence, brainiac. _That's_ how much faith you have in that little train of thought!"

Looking down, Don wasn't able to answer. His brother snorted.

Raph was about to fire off with another retort, until suddenly they heard some music coming from the stage, calling everyone's attention. As the lights lowered, a drag queen that they didn't recognize carefully got into the middle of the stage on six inch heels. "Hello everybody!" He sang out in a high pitched voice.

Wincing at the sound, Raph looked at him in annoyance…until he realized that it was the start of the shows and immediately perked up. He might get to see Leo perform! This might make everything worth it! Surely, at least, it would mean that Mike didn't have too much time alone with that despicable female.

They listened as he announced that the group acts were about to start. Much to the guy's dismay, they were starting off with an act by the vampires, followed by a couple of some sub-cultures that they didn't recognize. Looks like the drag show and the song the furries would be doing would be some of the last ones.

So they sat through a seemingly endless array of shows. The vampire show was erotic, but not exactly understandable in their eyes. The others were a little more perplexing. They hardly watched them at this point, building their anticipation in when the drag show was coming on. Checking their phones to make sure that they had a charge for the videos.

Finally, the moment came. The same drag queen, who had introduced each of the shows thus far, trotted forward on the agonizingly tall heels. "Alrighty guys! It's time for my own group, with two songs. Some darling little numbers from The Westside Story and The Weather Girls. We do have a furry helping us out on this one due to illness, but I cleared it with the judges and it's all kosher. Hope that you like it!"

Then the stage went dark as they saw the dim figures getting into place. Raph and Don leaned forward in anticipation, righting their t-phones to capture it all of it.

When the lights suddenly lit the room they could hardly believe it.

There was Leo, standing at the top of a little two-step staircase. He was frozen stiff, terrified in the light, with so many eyes on him, his skin pale. But that's not what caused both, especially Raph to burst out laughing. For one thing, he was covered in glitter. A LOT of glitter. Like disco-ball glitter. Then there was his face. His eyes were framed in thick black eyeliner and mascara. Both clearly visible despite his mask. His lips had a distinctly pinkish hue from the gloss that was applied, his cheeks sported blush and his bandana tails were coupled with some extra ribbon to form a big flamboyant bow. Around his waist was a sheer, glittery skirt. It was too much. Raph laughed loud enough to earn disapproving looks from half the audience. Unfazed, he continued, slapping his thighs in the hilarity until one of the security had to come over and whisper in his ear. The sound of his brother also made Leo jerk in place, though still lost in his own terrified world, as the music started.

Yet he remained frozen and completely missed his cue.

The music died down, then started back up.

Only to have him miss his cue once more.

The audience was beginning to shift uncomfortably as the music started up only to die once more. People leaned over to whisper to one another. Were they going to bomb it? The drag queens won every year, did this mean that they would have to drop out?

Samurai, who was standing behind him and off to the side, slightly out of the way with three other drag queens, signaled to him frantically. He could see his carefully planned show flying out the window and wasn't about to let that happen. Desperate, he set an ultimatum.

Not even turning his head, Leo stared at him with wide terrified eyes. But he understood the signals clearly. 'Do this or the deal's off!' Shaking slightly, he stared once more out into the mass of elaborately garbed people, all staring at him. He suspected, when the aspect of a show was first mentioned, that he had some sort of stage fright. But he had no idea that it would be this paralyzing. Not like he ever had a chance to realize it, considering his lifestyle. But he had no time for this. If he honored his drunken deal, then he would not only get his swords back, but he would get a clue about where to go next to find Splinter. Closing his eyes, he took a deep, meditative breath. What could he do? If only he could just escape, at least do this somewhere else, with no scrutiny. His eyes brightened in realization. Maybe that was the key! He could do that, right? Still scared, he tried instead to visualize something else, something that would get him through this. Just like he was once taught. After all, if he did this then he was one step closer to Splinter. His father. His master. He _had_ to do this!

Closing his eyes, he did a few intense seconds of deliberate, contemplative meditation, distancing himself from the tense silence of the crowd as they waited to see what would happen. He needed to escape, at least for this beginning number. He strove to see something else, _anything _else, other than this. This fresh new hell that he had discovered. It was all spurred on, energized by his own newfound terror. And the knowledge that despite this, he had to get through it. After what seemed like forever, but was really only a few seconds, he opened his eyes. But the terrifying image of the crowd was gone. It was all smeared together, as if someone painted a picture of the scene, then smeared a hand over it, distorting everything save the props and people on the stage. It was enough to seem as if he was far away from everybody and everything. It was working. Even the sound of the crowd shifting and his brothers, obviously enjoying this far too much, was muffled. Slowly he smiled. Maybe, just maybe, he could get through this.

Samurai, seeing something different in him, smiled and signaled to the audio once more. Leo lifted his arms and put his knuckles together in the pose he was shown, and when the cue came, he hit it exactly.

His voice came out rich and steady, louder than he ever remembered singing. He was told that he didn't have to change his voice and so he made no attempt to, keeping that aspect of his masculinity firmly in check. He would need it, to make it through these songs.

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaay!"

Unable to hold it in, Raph wrapped an arm around his face, trying to keep in the raucous laughter to keep from getting kicked out. No way in hell that he was missing this! Don just stared, unable to articulate a single sound, somehow managing to hold his phone steady, recording the whole thing. It was a good thing he was recording too, because already he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Leo, in his own meditative world, continued without hesitation, afraid that if he paused then his entire veneer would shatter. "And I pity, any girl who isn't me today!"

"Fa la-la-la-la la la la la laaaa!" Samurai and the other cross dressers chimed in, slowly walking a seductive circle around the turtle as he stood stock still.

Facing away from the crowd in a semi-dramatic pose, the turtle staunchly soldiered on. "I feel charming! Oh, so charming! It's alarming, how charming, I feeeeel! And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real!"

"Fa la-la-la-la la la, la, la laaaa!"

Then he stepped off the steps lightly, gracefully making his way to a full length mirror by the side. He touched his skirt, blushing slightly at his image in the mirror. "See that pretty girl in that mirror there?"

"What mirror where?" the cross dressers sang behind him, following him like sparkling fluttering birds.

His blush deepened. He was having a little more trouble holding onto his own world, keeping everything muffled. Splinter never thought that he'd have to maintain a meditative state in a situation like this. "Who can that attractive girl be?"

They framed his face with their hands. "Such a pretty face!" They chorused.

He fingered the skirt a little more. "Such a pretty dress!"

Samurai stepped behind him, he touched his cheeks to incite a smile that didn't quite reach his face, despite his meditative escape. What a horrible song! "Such a pretty smile!"

"Such a pretty me!" Dancing away, he escaped the crowd of femininely dressed men to finish the last verse. The one that would end this particularly arduous portion of the act. "I feel stunning! And entrancing! Feel like running, and dancing, for joy! For I'm loved, by a pretty and wonderful boy!"

At that last note, the music and all dancers on the stage froze dramatically enough that the audience held their collective breath. One of the cross dressers turned around in a dramatic pose. "Boy?"

Another one did the same. "Boys?!"

Finally Samurai turned around, clutching his face with his hands. "MEN!"

All three cross dressers threw their hands in the air, fluttering their fingers. **"MEN!"**

Multicolored lights suddenly strobbed across the stage as the rest of the cross dressers, close to thirty of them, pranced on stage in perfect unison, striking a wide pose, with Leo in the middle in the back of the group. The music, now hard and upbeat, thumped the stage.

Everyone catching the cue perfectly, they all danced their choreographed dance perfectly, Leo singing in tune with the rest with a microphone. "It's raining men! Halleluiah, it's raining men! Amen!"

By now there was no consoling or holding back either Raph or Don. They were both hopping up and down, laughing, unable to articulate a single word. Luckily, this song had somehow caused everyone else to explode as well, so they fit in perfectly. It was too much.

Leo blinked, the crowd becoming more and more clear. It was harder to keep up his carefully crafted veneer with the upbeat, energetic dance moves. He could feel the eyes start to bore in on him and felt his face heat in a fierce blush. But at least he was somewhat hidden in the back of the dancers, who were singing the refrain right along with him. Trying to stare at the ceiling, he instead tried to concentrate projecting his voice in ways that he had never done before. At least it was something he could distract himself with. Even if the lyrics were embarrassing. He hardly noticed when the group parted slightly, revealing him more and more.

"God bless Mother Nature, for she's a single woman too! She took off to heaven, and she did what she had to do! She taught every angel to rearrange the sky! So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy!"

Raph and Don were still standing on their feet, yelling along with the rest of the crowd. But, despite themselves, and the obviously embarrassing situation, they couldn't help but let their jaws drop at the sound of his voice ringing to the rafters. It was rich, the envy of everyone in the room. Truly, they had no idea he could belt it out like that. "Damn he sounds so _hot,_ I had no idea!" Raph said with a smile.

Then he froze, realizing the words that had come out of his mouth. Clapping his hands over his mouth, he blushed slightly. Had he seriously praised his brother in a situation like this? Don looked at him with a surprised expression before a smile spread on his face. For a day that started so crappy, it was getting better and better by the day! "I got that on tape too, you know!" He snickered, elbowing Raph in the side.

Not even sure what to say, Raph slowly sat down, suddenly enjoying the spectacle of sparkly Leo dancing with cross dressers far less than he should. Laughing, Don held his phone high, feeling slightly like a groupie as he heard others around him gush over Leo's voice but not caring nearly as much as his brother.

Before he knew it, the dance was over. With one last, roof blasting chorus of the refrain, all the dancers on the stage froze in a dramatic pose before darkness enveloped the stage once more.

Scooting off the stage, they disseminated through the crowd, thoroughly pumped from their performance, as the stage hands cleared the area in anticipation for the next act. His knees were feeling weak as Leo stepped off the stage. That had to be the most terrifying experience he'd ever had. One he hoped that he would never, EVER have to repeat again. He could only imagine the humiliating banter his brothers had in store for him. Hopefully he would only get it from Raph, but that act was probably enough that he would get attacked from all sides. How would they ever respect him again? At least, at the end of the contest, he would be one step closer to Splinter. He had full filled his end of the bargain.

First thing he did was tear off the cursed skirt and the ribbons in his bandana tails. Vigorously rubbing his skin, blushing at the amount of glitter he let them apply, Leo walked into the crowd before he realized his mistake. Immediately they closed in on him, causing an unexpected surge of claustrophobia to blast through him. Instinctively switching to protective mode, his fists getting ready, it made him pause when he heard the first person gush to him. "Oh my GOD! That was amazing!" "Are you a professional singer or something? I got chills! Really!" "Wow! You are so good! I so wish I had your voice!" "You had me speechless through your entire performance, bravo!" "So cool! I don't even know how else to say it! SO COOL!" "SO awesome!" Another brazenly planted her lips on his cheek for a kiss before running into the crowd, giggling.

Surprised, he found himself smiling. This was the last reaction that he was expecting after singing in drag. By the time he was halfway through the throng of sudden groupies, he was grinning and thanking them, shaking their hands as they squealed in delight. He had never experienced anything like this sort of attention, hell, until last year the only attention he ever got was from his family! Maybe this is what Mike was always going on about! Maybe this wasn't such a horrible thing to have happened!

By the time he found his brothers, he had had his hands shaken, shoulders slapped, and had more surprise kisses than he could even count. Grinning from ear to ear, he stepped next to Don. "So what did you think?" He asked before he knew what he was saying.

Don turned to him, smiling. "Oh, it was so great Leo! I had no idea you could sing like that! You know you even made me forget about the makeup and glitter and stuff, which I didn't think would be possible, you know?" He snickered and nodded his head to him. "LOVE what they did to your eyes, by the way, bro!"

Raph glared at both of them. This was not going _at all _the way he had pictured it in his head. He felt he was being robbed some justifiable ridicule. "Stop being so goddamned happy about it! It was a humiliating experience! So STOP smiling already!"

Just then a slender woman in a skimpy leather dominatrix outfit snaked her arm around Leo's neck and planted a hard, sensual kiss on his lips. Taken by surprise, Leo started, then relaxed against her as she pressed him harder, obviously very skilled at the art of kissing. He was starting to return it, beginning to really get into it, when it ended. Breaking it, she looked at him through the strips of the shiny leather mask. "That. Was. Fantastic." She said in a low, husky voice. Lowering her thick lashes she inhaled sharply, as if holding something in that was very…exquisite. "Orgasmic even." The heat that had pooled in the pit of Leo's stomach intensified as his groin warmed, slowly building up in pressure. Smiling a sensual smile, she produced a card from in between her ample breasts and pressed it into his hand. "Call me." She said in his ear, just stopping short of licking it. "Maybe we can arrange a private performance." He shivered at the sensation of her breath dancing across his skin.

As she sauntered off on spike heels, Leo looked at his brothers with a goofy smile on his face. Again. This was NOT how he was expecting this show to end! Truly, he was thrilled that it wasn't the bone crushing humiliation that he was expecting. Abruptly Don laughed. "Didn't know you'd get so much admiration for dressing in drag!"

Raph's jaw dropped as he watched the incredibly sexy woman drape herself all over his brother. Seriously, was everyone getting action but him! Anger spiking sharper than ever, Raph stamped his foot. Of all the injustice! This happened every time, it seemed like. "Damnit! This is all so unfair! Not the way it's supposed to happen!" he yelled, jabbing an accusing finger at his older brother. "You're covered in fuckin _glitter_ for God's sake!" He tried to shout something else, but the serenely content look on his brother's face robbed his chest of air. Working his mouth without a sound he finally clenched his fists and turned away from the pair. Crossing his arms he harrumphed, glaring into the distance at nothing in particular. "You're ruining this for me, Leo! Only you! This could _only _happen to you! Don't even know how the hell you did it!" Making an inarticulate sound, he turned around, digging his fingers into his head, gritting his teeth.

He grinned as Raph glared at him. Even better. Not only was the humiliation not nearly as humiliating as originally thought, but now it looked like his brother would even leave him alone about it.

It was then that he looked around and noticed something amiss. The good feeling zipped away when he realized what, or who, was missing. "Uh, guys? Where's Mikey?"

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"I Feel Pretty!" The West Side Story 1961 (Anger Management version 2003)

"It's Raining Men!" The Weather Girls 1982

A/N: Sooooo...did it meet your expectations at all? I was originally going to go with some more modern songs, but then I came across a couple of drag queen websites and a couple listed the most popular songs to sing. You guessed it, 'It's Raining Men' was int he top 5 everywhere so I had to do it. 'I Feel Pretty,' let's just say that I have a thing for both musicals and Adam Sandler. Yes, Leo's not exactly how he always is, but he just went through a very traumatic experience and if you've ever felt the delirious happiness after you've gotten through something like that in one piece then, yeah. At least that's my excuse. Of course, now where is Mikey? This chapter, already super long, was longer, but I cut out the Mikey act. I wanted this chapter to focus a little more on Leo. Not sure whether I should jump straight to Mike or Raph next. Hmm...decisions, decisions. In any case, PLEASE leave a review! Oh, how I adore them! Such inspiration to write more...*hint hint*

Also, if you're interested I do have a dark Donatello fic called Light Purple Dark that I'm working on. Oh, how I love readers!

ATTENTION: Don't forget that the TMNT Fanfic Competition is here! Time to think of any stories you might like to nominate! PM me if you have any further questions, I would be happy to explain anything. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile. All the rules are there, be sure to read them before posting your nominations, as we get A LOT and it would be easier if we didn't have to weed through the incorrect ones. Be sure to put 'TMNT COMP' as the subject of the emails.


	7. Dancing, Bedazzling, and Outfits

I don't own the TMNT

A/N: This chapter was actually very hard for me to write, for some reason. Partly because I suppose that it's pretty much a filler chapter. Sleepingseeker helped me out with Mike's reactions and such. Still, I hope that ya'll like it!

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"He was kidnapped by a furry while _you_ were backstage getting all glittered up preparing for your big debut!" Raph growled, shaking an accusing finger at his older brother.

Leo blinked, then his face darkened. "What are you talking about?" He hissed through clenched teeth, "I _had_ to go back there, remember! I left him out here with _you_ because I thought that he'd be safe." Turning around, he put his hands to his head, frantically thinking of a way to get both Mike and Splinter back. How could he have let this happen?

Shooting a glare at his red-banded brother for providing misleading information, Don interrupted Leo's momentary panic. "Ah, he didn't mean kidnapped in the traditional sense. That leopard lady took him for the big furry show. You know, to be in it."

His momentary relief was quickly replaced by a new kind of anger. Swinging around Leo glared at his brothers accusingly. Both had the decency to shrink back slightly though Raph still glowered at him. "You mean with that…that…"

"Catty bitch." Raph mumbled.

"Yeah!" He jabbed a finger at both of them. "You let that…furry…take him back? Did you see how she was treating him? And he has no clue! Why didn't you go back to rescue him or something?"

Looking chagrined, Don rolled his shoulders, not quite meeting his gaze. "Well, the wolf-guy put up a fairly well-reasoned argument. I mean, he wasn't exactly forced. Plus, I was worried about the scene that would happen if we did try to do that. These people think we're furries, we can't let them think otherwise."

That made Leo stop to think for a moment, his words slowly filtering in through his anger. He had to grant that Don had the right idea, but that didn't mean he would have to like it. He shook his head. "Still, all this would've been preventable if you guys would've just kept an eye on him! Seriously, he's just one turtle, guys." He caught Raph tilting his head at him, a smile slowly playing his face and huffed. "What?!"

Chuckling, Raph shook his head. "You know, it's getting harder and harder to take you seriously with so much, ah, *sparkle.*"

Looking at his arms and legs and seeing the glitter twinkling in the lights, he started rubbing it once more, not meeting his brothers gaze. He couldn't believe that he forgot about that! Blushing slightly, Don cleared his throat. "Ah, Leo? That won't work. It's designed to last through physical contact and sweat… That's…um…the same glitter that is used on, ah, strippers."

The look on Leo's face made Raph laugh out loud. "HAH!" He pointed a finger at him and huffed. "Finally! Something that isn't going splendidly for you!"

Just then the familiar drag queen in the impossibly high heels strutted on stage once more. "Alrighty! Our last show. Showing for the first time is a little number from our furry population! Enjoy!"

The stage immediately started thumping with a beat that sounded familiar to all their ears.

All their faces paled. "No. They're. Not." Raph growled. "Just wait until I get my hands on that sleazy bitch!"

The lights slowly shined through the darkness. There, on the stage, was about twenty furries, roughly arranged in groups of two. All stood with their feet braced, knuckles together, arms parallel to the floor and heads down.

And there, next to Josey the Leopard, in front of everyone else on stage so that they were the most visible, was their youngest brother.

His skin was decorated with lots of little black spots, supposedly so that he would more closely match Josey, who he was paired with. There was even a long, wire, leopard spotted tail clipped to the back of his belt. He held his body in the exact same position as everyone else.

The turtles stared in a mix of wonder and dread. The thought flitted through their minds to just snatch him up then and there. But it was too late to storm the stage, after all they still needed the information, so they would just have to wait until after the show.

The music picked up even more and by now there was no denying the song choice. "I'm gonna kill her, I swear it." Raph hissed as the crowd grew more excited at the familiar tune. Leo, and Don, looking miserable at the situation, couldn't say a word against him.

The lyrics pounded from the speakers just as the furries exploded in energetic dance. Mike was grinning from ear to ear and kicked up his heels and swung his arms in unison with the other dancers, if not a monumental amount of more gusto.

"Sweat, baby sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought."

Dramatically the group wiped their brow.

"Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about. So put your hands, down my pants, and I'll bet you'll feel nuts."

At that line the dancers turned to face each other, mimicking that they had, indeed put their hands down the male partner's pants. Fists planted on his hips, Mikey grinned as Josey tickled her fingers down his lower plastron.

Leo had the good sense to catch Raph's mouth before he could scream out the intended curse, holding him like he would a foolishly frightened animal.

"Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert, and you're getting two thumbs up!"

Grinning even wider, Mike and the rest of the guys flashed a thumbs up to the crowd, nodding knowingly.

Raph glowered. "He doesn't even know what that means!"

Inching away from him, Don looked skeptical. Mike _was_ alone with the cat-lady a while… "Well…"

Flashing him a glare, Raph growled, fist shaking. "Or at least he _better_ not!"

Glowering, Leo simply nodded to his brother, blaming himself for allowing Mike to get into such a compromising situation.

While they were talking, the rest of the first verse finished and the refrain was starting.

"Do it now! You and me, baby ain't nothin' but mammals! So let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel!"

At that line the female dancers turned away from the males, bending over slightly. The male furries, gripping their hips, did pelvic thrusts in perfect tune with the beat. Mike was no exception, his face split in half with his smile as he thrust his hips into hers, stopping a scant inch from making actual contact.

The turtle's jaws dropped. The same thing was going through all their heads.

"Do you think he…?"

"No, he couldn't!"

"But what if…"

"Don't even think that!"

"But…"

"Shut up!"

"Do you think he's still a vir-"

"I MEAN IT!"

Then the dreaded refrain repeated. "Do it again now!"

"NO!" Raph hissed.

"You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel! Getting' horny now!" Repeating the provocative dance move, Mikey spied his brothers. Somehow grinning wider, he waved happily to them for a second before returning to his pelvic thrusts.

"Fuck it. I'm going up there."

When Leo made hesitated to stop him, his mind admittedly treading in similar waters, Don stepped in front of him, putting a hand on his plastron. "Not right now! Look, there's too many people and we can't break our cover." Turning and looking at the dancers just in time to see Josey trail her fingers around Mike's pelvis. His own gaze narrowed to match that of his brothers. "That doesn't mean we can't come back later…"

Face twisting in a sly grin, Raph chuckled to himself. Leo smiled slightly behind him, already calculating how that might happen. After they find Splinter, of course.

At the musical break between singing, each 'couple' did their own dance in tune with the music. Mikey, of course, quickly outshined all of them with his physical dexterity and muscular control. Even the other groups of dancers were inching away with expressions of awe as Mikey leapt this way and that, kicking in the air, lifting Josey above his head and even giving her a toss. He was quickly becoming the center of attention.

As the second refrain sang out, Raph abruptly turned away as the moves with the verse were just as suggestive for him to watch his poor, innocent brother do. Yanking on Don's arm he hissed at him. "Do you have a way to track her later? I'm not going to stand for this crap."

Leo, overhearing the conversation, furrowed his eye ridges. "Raph, cool it. Don's right, we have to keep our cover. And we're NOT doing anything until after we find Splinter. He's our first priority." Shooting him another glare, Raph bared his teeth slightly. Giving his own slight smile, Leo's face darkened slightly. "Not that we can't do anything afterwards, of course."

Just then the second verse ended and the refrain began once more. This time it repeated three times, the dances varying as each verse repeated itself. It was obvious that there was more improvisation at this point, but one thing they didn't get rid of was the provocative aspects of it.

The turtles gritted their teeth through that last segment of singing and breathed a sigh of relief when it ended into the instrumental portion.

This time they were pure improvisation. Mikey acted like an animal that had just been set free. He twirled, did backflips, front flips and twists. Finally he started doing what the turtles recognized as his favorite kata, mostly because of the wide range of movements and flips that it required. He tweaked it a little, keeping it in beat with the music and making it more flamboyant.

As the difficulty of his moves increased the crowd started to get louder and even some of the other dancers on the stage stopped and stared.

Glowing magnificently under all the attention, Mike stepped it up as much as he could, causing the already loud crowd to scream. As the last notes ended, he yanked Josey to him and struck a dramatic pose, grinning mightily for the crowd.

Everyone erupted in a chorus of screams and shouts. Smiling from ear to ear, Mike clipped his heels together and bowed, blowing kisses into the crowd. Thrumming with happy energy, he leaped off the stage, doing a triple flip on the way down. Ecstatic the crowd immediately closed in around him, fawning their phrases. Enjoying himself thoroughly, he basked in the attention.

Raph glowered at the entire scene, a muscle ticking in his temple. Leo was surprised at himself as a tiny little spark of jealousy as the people who were still stopping by to congratulate him ran over to Mike to bask in his awesome dancing skills.

Soon the crowd parted around him, forming a little circle around him and was stomping out a simple beat. Initially confused, the turtles soon realized that they wanted him to dance again.

Unfortunately he was only too happy to oblige.

Twisting, popping his limbs, making sharp, yet graceful movements, Mike did a more flowery style of breakdancing for them. They screamed, clapped, and soon closed in on him once more, showering praises.

Not able to take it anymore, Raph dove through the crowd, shoving aside people as if they were laundry. Finally reaching his brother, he grabbed his arm and yanked him towards him.

Nonplussed, Mike grinned at him even as he literally dragged him through the crowd. When he reached his brothers, he literally set his brother on his feet before them. Their eyes zeroed in on their youngest.

He looked blissfully, dreamily happy. His head listed slightly to one side, his expression slightly goofy, and he waved a hand at his brothers. "Hey guys! This is SO AWESOME! Don't ya think? Can we do this again? Can we? Pleeeeeaaaase?"

Immediately they pounced.

"What were you thinking?" Leo admonished. "What possessed you to go with that lady?"

"We're trying to keep a low profile, remember?" Don reminded him.

"Where is she?" Raph growled. "Lemme know where she is, I'll tear her a new one!" He narrowed his eyes on his brother. "What did she do to you?"

Suddenly a blush enveloped Mike's face and he giggled. "She's my girlfriend!" He looked around conspiratorially before turning back to his brothers and grinning widely. "We're in love!"

"**WHAT!**"

He giggled again, but then put a finger to his lips. "Shhh! I'm not supposed to tell you guys! 'Cause she said that you guys and the other furries don't get along, like Gnomeo and Juliet. So don't tell her I told ya!" Unable to stop smiling, he cupped his hands together. "We're meeting for pizza next week!"

Raph's eyelid twitched and, teeth clenched, he reached for him with clawed fingers. Leo grabbed him, putting an arm around his chest. "Raph, calm down!" He hissed. Then he looked at Mike with an incredulous expression. "Mike, what are you thinking?"

"You don't even know what love is!" Don retorted, massaging his scalp with his fingers. This was getting out of hand.

Mike thrust his chin up defiantly. "I may not be a smart bird, but I know what love is!"

Before they could say another word sequined samurai appeared next to them, smiling from ear to ear. Before he realized what he was about to do, he enveloped Leo in a big bear hug, squishing his face into his fake breasts. "Oh, darling, you were awesome! Beyond awesome! You blew the roof off the place, you really did!"

Not truly able to breath, Leo hooked his thumbs in samurai's armpits, pressing them against the ribcage. With a twitch, samurai backed up with a giggle and a slight blush. Leo's jaw gaped when he realized that he had misinterpreted the reaching for a minor pressure point with something more, ah, affectionate. The swell of the fake breasts threw off his aim slightly. "Oh, you really are a sweetie, aren't you!" He exclaimed and planted a kiss on Leo's cheek before he could stop him. Eyes wide, he slapped his own cheek as soon as the offending lips left the skin, scrubbing the offending lipstick mark off.

"Oooh, we're all getting kisses tonight!" Mikey squealed, hopping up and down. His brother's heads swiveled to him, eyes wide at the implications of what he just said.

Holding up a finger, samurai interrupted. "Which reminds me." Reaching to the cross-dresser behind him, he handed the throng of kittens, still in the same pouch to Mikey. "I believe this belongs to you! At least your spots match theirs now, right?"

"We're washing that crap off as soon as possible." Raph snarled.

With a squeal Mike grabbed the kittens and held them up to his face, giggling manically as their tiny tongues licked his skin.

Then he reached into his scabbards and unsheathed Leo's katana. Fumbling slightly in his haste to grab the light sabers, he handed them to him as he took his beloved swords. "Thanks for letting me borrow them darling!"

Leo stared at his swords and blinked, turning them over in his hands. "You…you bedazzled them…" Sure enough the handle was covered in blue rhinestones that glittered in the light.

Samurai grinned and batted his eyes. "They match your eyes!"

Despite the Mike situation Raph snickered. "At least they can keep up with your skin in the glitter department!"

Giving him a glare, he looked at his swords with mixed emotions. He would have to find out how to fix this as soon as possible. But not now, Splinter was more important. He sheathed his swords without another word on it. They needed to get going. Turning to the samurai, he gave him a serious look. "So, you said you had information on where we went next?"

"Hm?" He stared at him a second before recognition sparked in his eyes once more. "Oh, yes, of course! But don't you want to stay for the rewards to get handed out? I'm sure that you and your brother are sure to win something!"

Grinning, Mike nodded enthusiastically even as Leo shook his head. "No. Sorry, we're kind of on a schedule."

He stared at them a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "Alright. You went to see a wrestler about a belt." Looking thoughtful, he tapped his chin. "I think his name was Randolf? Not sure exactly on the name." He jabbed a finger in Raph's direction. The hotheaded turtle looked up, surprised. "I gave you some of my old clothing and stuff, you made an outfit for the occasion."

Gaping slightly, eyes wide, Raph stared at the samurai. "An…an outfit?" A slight blush graced his cheeks.

Grinning, he nodded. "Yeah, I helped you put it together. You called yourself...The Crimson Turtle."

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'The Bad Touch' The Bloodhound Gang 1999

"I may not be a smart bird, but I know what love is!" Gnomeo and Juliet 2011

A/N: Don't worry, guys! More of you voted to have a Mike segment next and that's what I'm going to do! It's just going to happen on the way to Raph's, LOL. I know the question is probably burning in all of your minds: Did Mikey get laid? Well...I won't tell right now! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! In any case, please leave a review! They are SO inspiring!

Also, if you're interested I do have a dark Donatello fic called Light Purple Dark that I'm working on. Oh, how I love readers!

ATTENTION: Don't forget that the TMNT Fanfic Competition is here! Time to think of any stories you might like to nominate! PM me if you have any further questions, I would be happy to explain anything. The Stealthy Stories (the hosting site) link is on my profile. All the rules are there, be sure to read them before posting your nominations, as we get A LOT and it would be easier if we didn't have to weed through the incorrect ones. Be sure to put 'TMNT COMP' as the subject of the emails.


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Ninja Turtles, Humor, Parody