Ninja Turtles 1. Chapter 1

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

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><p><strong>-Warning:<strong> Coarse language. Namely, some f-words and lotsa g- and h- words.

**-Summary:** Human AU. A long summer stuck in the stuffy apartment with three brothers. Life was never easy for teenagers, especially for those who were overly obsessed with trivial sentiments and had to do everything just to make things feel right. Raphie-centric (no argues). Rated for language and teenage (not necessarily adult) contents. Post-Stranger Whistles.

**-A/N:**

_No worries for those who haven't read Stranger Whistles, there's not much connection between the plots. And for those who have read Stranger Whistles, this takes place some months after the last story._

_And a dear reader requested this to be Raphie-centric, which suits my will exactly. Hopefully this one can carry on a bit longer, because I don't want it to be fast-paced._

_And I'll try some change of tone and style._

_Better post this story up before I chicken out. :P_

**-Background Info:**

For those who haven't read my previous Human AU, all you need to know is that Leo, Raph, Donnie and Mikey were adopted sons of Hamato Yoshi, who ran a dojo. The four brothers weren't blood-linked except for Raph and Donnie, who were twins. Leo's 17, Raph and Donnie's 16, and Mikey's 14 in this. Oh and Donnie's a prodigy so he went to grad school. _Lucky bastard didn't need to suffer high school. Yay._

**-Disclaimer:** I had not, did not, have not, do not (and I_ wish I will_) own TMNT no matter it's turtle or human. And those beautiful lyrics belong to their rightful owners.

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><p><strong>Part One<strong>

**Over The Rim**

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><p><em>"<em>_What's wrong, what's right, you know, people don't care when they hate their life_

_But how can I explain personal pain, how can I explain personal pain?"_

_"…__Ya know I ain't have much to live for..."_

_-Gimme the Car, _Violent Femmes

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><p><strong>1<strong>

He opened his eyes. Damn his head hurt like hell.

It was the first morning of the summer vacation.

And he wasn't in the bed.

_What—_

"_…__the fuck?_" he groaned under his breath.

"Well, looks like Raph wakes up," someone was laughing not far away. And Raphael's first reaction was the urge to rush to the person and give him a good smack on the head, because the guy sounded so _happy_.

"Good mornin', Raph," Mikey laughed cheerily—_it's Mikey, of course, who else could it be_? —while staring down at him. "I believe dad wants you in his room, like, NOW."

"Better put some clothes on, Raph." Leo's feet passed through his still blurry vision.

"…Why does it hurt like it's cracking?" he moaned again, feeling the splitting pain inside his head shattering his whole body.

"Excessive indulgence of alcohol," Donnie's voice from his gigantic desk in the corner of their living room—_wait, so he has spent the night in the living room?_ "I've warned you before, Raphael. Those pleasures come with a price."

"Oh shut up, Smart-ass," he cursed, finally gathering strength in his limbs and trying to sit up.

"_Language_, Raphael," a stern voice said, and this time he sprang to his feet as if he was suddenly electric-shocked.

Raphael stood in the middle of the living room in his loose jeans without his belt (_Where the hell is it? Oh, who cares?_), realizing that he had probably fallen asleep on the foot of the couch after entering the apartment in the early morning.

"S'up, Master Splinter," he said through his dream-plagued throaty voice.

"When did you come home last night?" Hamato Yoshi spoke in a hard voice.

"Um, I have…no idea?" he tried, forcing out a stupid smile.

"Friendly tip: _4 a. m._?" Donnie suggested.

"Would you shut up for a moment, Donnie?" Raph snorted.

"Raphael!" Yoshi exclaimed.

"Yeah, sorry Sensei," Raph sighed, "I guess I sorta lost track after Casey and I went to the third bar."

"Raphael, you know I strongly disapprove of you frequenting those locations—"

"Yeah, I know, I know," Raph stuck his hands into the pockets and fumbled with the coins inside._ He's screwed._

"Why didn't you listen to my advice, my son?" Yoshi inquired.

"Well, uh, I don't know," Raph said, feeling extremely stupid. "We were just havin' fun—"

"_Fun?_" Yoshi repeated, "So it is 'fun' that you were seeking, Raphael?"

"I guesso," Raph shrugged.

"Well then," Yoshi said thoughtfully, "I have come up with an idea. Meet me in my room after you showered and got dressed."

"Alright, Sensei," Raph said, watching the father disappeared to the narrow hallway.

He sank down into the couch with a grunt.

"Wow, I can't believe he's not mad," Donnie said in a surprised tone.

"Me neither," Leonardo mumbled, emerging from the kitchen with a cup of hot tea in his hand.

"I thought Raph was goin' to be hanged," Mikey said with a sigh, following behind the eldest brother sipping a glass of milk. "Uh you wanna drink somethin', Raphie?"

"Nah, thanks," Raph sneezed, "I feel like throwin' up, and my throat's…ah God."

"Maybe it's a cold, not a hangover," Donnie stood up from his chair and came to Raph's side, sighing. "I'll give you some pills that'll make you feel better."

"Thanks."

-:-:-:-:-:-

After he showered, shaved and got dressed, the unbearable pain reduced to a level that was endurable, but his throat and nose still felt funny. However, when he stood in front of Splinter's door, he felt like a fresh person—_well, anyways, as fresh as he's gonna get._

"Enter," Yoshi's deep voice came out through the door after Raphael's fourth knock.

He turned the doorknob and walked into the room. It was the most spacious room in the small apartment shared by four _and a half_ men. The floor was covered by _tatami_, and his footfalls on them were quiet.

He knelt down before Yoshi, who was standing beside the wardrobe.

"Raphael," the man began, "Do you have any idea what I am about to say?"

"Not a clue, Sensei," Raph muttered. _Nope. Not a single goddamn clue._ All he knew was his father was a genius at lecturing.

"Use you brain, my son," Yoshi said, "You told me that you were just 'having fun', is that right?"

"Yeah."

"What is 'fun', Raphael?"

"Uh, dunno, just a good feelin'," Raph said, "Doin' stuff that'd make ya feel good. Yeah."

"Why would you do these things?" Yoshi asked, "Are you not happy about your present states, my son?"

Raph shrugged, glancing down at his knees, "…Maybe? I don't know."

"I want you to think about this," Yoshi said, "Think about you present states, and tell me how they are. And, if possible, come up with another way of solving your distress. I want you to report to me. Sometime later."

"But, Sensei," Raph looked up at his father with irritated confusion, "What the he..._heck_'s my _present states_? And how d'I know—"

"So you would rather be punished?" Yoshi raise an eyebrow, "Like a seven-year-old? You are almost seventeen, my son. It is time that you think about the reason why you do things without considering their consequences. _Be responsible for your deeds._"

Raph found himself unable to speak. Master Splinter was simply too good at this kind of stuff. _Lecturing and all._ What was he supposed to say? What the hell's wrong with winding down a bit at the end of the last school day? He hadn't pick a fight with someone else—_well, he had almost gotten himself into one, but he was too drunk to even stand still then._

"It is going to be a long summer, my son," Yoshi sighed, "I do not want to see it going to waste. Time is precious, especially the times when you are young. Plan your time wisely. You may go now."

Raphael turned to leave. What a lousy beginning of a wonderful vacation.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Tell me," Mikey asked, resting his chin on his folded arms, "Where did you lose your shirt and belt?"

Raphael grumbled and kicked the football on the floor aside as he entered the kitchen.

"Oh com'on!" Mikey cried, "What kinda fun were you and Casey been havin'?"

"I'm not sure if you should know about this, Mikey," Raph glanced at his little brother, who had grown six inches since last year and was now almost as tall as he—_but the baby face stayed almost the same, to Mikey's dismay._ Raph personally didn't think he himself was going to grow any taller, which was sad because he hated to lift his eyes when he had to look at Fearless and Donnie in their eyes.

Through his fringe of light wavy blond, Mikey stared at him expectantly. "What about it? Tell me."

"It's not what you think. It's actually pretty stupid," Raph sat down in a chair, "Casey and I wound up on a bridge, and we sorta…just jumped into the river, or was that a canal?"

"You _WHAT_?"

"We're wasted, Mikey," he smirked, "It's a miracle that I still remember it, geez."

"So you jumped off…from the bridge?"

"Yeah, and when we finally made it back to solid ground, I couldn't find my shirt and belt anywhere."

"No wonder you're coming down with a cold."

"Yeah, no wonder," Raph laughed, and sneezed again.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Good-bye, my sons. I will see you all this evening."

Yoshi stood by the entrance of the living room before leaving for the dojo.

"G'bye, dad," Donnie said from his desk.

"Bye dad," Mikey said from the couch.

"Bye," Raph buried his head inside his magazine next to Mikey without glancing up. Suddenly someone snatched his zine away. "Hey!"

Leonardo gazed down at him, "Raph, you promised yesterday you'll go shop for groceries."

"…Really? Huh," Raph snorted, "Give that back, Lame-O."

"Not until you promise again," Leo said.

"Alright! Alright! I'll go, but Donnie has to come with me."

"Don't drag me into this!" Donnie yelled from his desk, "I'm _very busy_ right now…"

"What? It's a _goddamn_ vacation!"

"I finally got time for the things I want to do!" Donnie said, "And it's your turn for groceries Raphael."

"Donnie," Leo sighed, "Just go with him, please."

"Not fair," Donnie closed his notebooks that was filled with squiggles that none of his brothers could decode. "Every time I went with him he just made me carry all the bags!"

"I gotta go now," Leo said, "Dad's waiting for me in the car. Just…do the chores guys, 'kay?" He shoved the magazine onto Raph's chest and headed toward the door.

"Bye guys," he said, looking back once more.

"Bye Leo," Mikey was the only one who answered good-humoredly.

The door closed and the living room was quiet again.

"Teacher's pet," Raph grumbled.

"Actually he's TA now, if you could have such a position in the dojo," Donnie mumbled.

"Teacher's _ass_ then."

"C'mon Raph! Groceries would be fun!" Mikey said excitedly, poking his his ill-tempered older brother in the stomach. "I've been thinkin' about a new recipe! I wanna start my experiment today! Let me write down a list for ya…"

"Just come with me, I don't need your stupid list, Mikey," Raph said, shoving the younger boy off.

"Okay," Mikey tilted his head and thought for a moment, and then he shrugged, "Yeah! I suppose that works, too."

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Next: beef. Beeeeeeffff—_Ow_!" Mikey cried as Raph's palm went down on his head.

"Shut up, people are starin'," Raph grunted, pushing the cart along the long passage between boxes of cereals.

"They are starin' cuz they're dazed by how awesome I am, Raphie," Mikey said.

"…Wait, Mikey, beef?" Donnie asked.

"Ye-ah," Mikey glanced at the lean teen.

"But…"

"What?" Raph interrupted, "Yer worry about that mad cow disease?"

"_Bovine spongiform encephalopathy,_ actually," Donnie said, "It will cause your brain to reduce to a spongy—"

"Stop it Donnie! Creepy!" Mikey covered his ears and shrieked, which earned him another spank from Raph.

"Mikey, this is very important," Donnie opened his mouth to continued, only to be stopped by his grouchy twin brother.

"You two, would you shut up fer a moment," Raph muttered, feeling like his head's going to split.

-O-

They stood in the row waiting for the busy cashier dude. Raph always hated it when there were supposed to be three counters or so but they only sent out one guy to handle the business. It was a weekday morning after all, but those bourgeois women always seemed to emerge at this kind of ungodly hour. Their faces and conversations annoyed him to no end. They were worse than Mike and Donnie. At least Donnie jabbered about some hight-tech crap which was supposed to be useful and Mikey was, _come on,_ Mikey managed to be both adorable and noisy as hell at the same time, but you couldn't hate that guy even if you wanna just seal his trap.

But those women. They just complained about their mother-in-law or crazy neighbors and showed off how great their kids are, how they do well in school and stuff, or discussed the godforsaken soap opera or those women shows that tell you about the link between your mood and the stars and…_hell, his head ached._

He was supposed to be asleep in bed, or wandering down the streets, but absolutely not standing here in this fucking line. He started to feel his ears burning, and then he sighed. _Damn this temper_, it was way worse than those bourgeois mothers. How was he supposed to know their troubles huh? _How could he judge them?_

He glanced at the women standing in front of him—she was around the same age as Splinter. But _man_ she looked so boring—even worse than Splinter. At least Splinter said a bunch of wise things, which Raph had learned to respect. _But the woman just stood there staring into the air, eyes vacant with a kind of dullness that would make your stomach grumble…make you think there's no future whatsoever…looking like one of his old schoolteachers, always telling you what to do and what not to do because they have some wonderful, glorious philosophy of the goddamn life but actually they are just lonely people who need a listening ear…_

"Hey Raphie?" Mikey asked, "What's wrong?"

He blinked.

"Oh it's nothin'," Raph smirked, and then threw his wallet to Donnie. "You two take the stuff home okay? I'ma—" he started to walk toward the exit.

"Where ya goin'?" Mikey yelled.

He just waved and then left. _Man, need to get some fresh air._

-:-:-:-:-:-

_[Yesterday]_

_"__I dare you, Hamato…" Casey was saying in a rambling way. "Y'll chicken out even before you reach the front steps of her house...and next time ya saw her y'll just run away coz yer afraid that she might recognize ya huh am I right?"_

_The two of them were reeling on the sidewalk, reaching the middle of the bridge._

_"__Shut the fuck up Case you talk too much," Raphael leant against Casey's left shoulder, but Casey was staggering, too. Raph fell to the ground before his friend was able to catch him._

_"__Wowwatch out…" Casey slurred._

_"__Gimme a hand I can't even stand s-still." Raph coughed. "Is it cold ya think? I'm shivering…"_

_"'__Cause that big bartendercdude poured a bucket of cold water over ya…'cause I ain't cold Raph," Casey said._

_"__Mothahfucker," Raph growled, "He'll pay."_

_"__Man y'can't blame 'im!" Casey laughed, "Ya threw up at his fuckin' place! If I were…if I're the guy I'll…I'll…"_

_"__Y'll what," Raph elbowed his friend, "Yer a traitor Casey Jones. Ya have no morals."_

_"__Yer talkin' 'bout yerself, my friend, yes, ye, yesssss."_

_"__Waitaminute wiataminute, teeeelll meee…" Raph said, pointing a finger at his friend's face. "Why would the girl see somethin' in meeee…"_

_"__Dunnooo…maybe I'm too good-lookin' fer her. She thought it's more likely she has a shot with ya."_

_"__Ha!" Raph laughed, "Good one Casey. Yer more good-lookin' than me huh. Ya looked like Tarzan. I'm laughin' my ass off here…hahaha!"_

_"__Shut up yer fuckin' trap ya stupid redhead!" Casey blurted through Raph's shriek of laughter. "And com'on Tarzan's one handsome sonovabitch."_

_Raph just laughed and pushed his friend toward the road; Casey cursed and jumped back onto the sidewalk in time to avoid a dashing car._

_The two of them tottered toward the margin of the bridge._

_"__How 'bout…how 'bout we go swimmin' Casey…bet dat feels good…down there in the cold rush of stream…wash away our sins…"_

_"__Wow poet, nice line," Casey gave him a shove and he fell again._

_"__S-seriously C-casey. You have no cre-creativity…" he grinned._

_"__You're crazy, Raph…Why would I wanna do somethin' so idiotic? Convince me."_

_"__Because…I dunno…C'mon it'll be fun!"_

_"__It'll be cold."_

_"__Yer a coward, Jones."_

_"__Don't 'coward' me, Hamato."_

_"__Coward."_

_"__Am not!"_

_Raphael laughed, noticing how silly they were._

_"__I'll go first, tough guy," Raph said, unbuttoning his shirt._

_"__I tell ya yer crazy! Get the hell offa theah ya hear me!"_

_Raph got rid of his jeans, sitting on the edge of the bridge and whistled._

_"__Bye, Casey, nice ta know ya," he said solemnly, and suddenly he jumped off._

_The wind hissed through his ears and cool water hit his face like an explosion._

_"__WHOAAAA! It's so REFRESHING!" Raph managed to stick his head out of the water, "COME ON! CASEY!"_

_He could barely see Casey from under the bridge. Spitting out the water—which stank—he swam towards one shore, found a big rock and crawled up there._

_"__Gimme your shore woman!" he shouted to the darkness, and then chuckled to himself. "Man am I fallin' apart."_

And no, summer was never long.

—End of chapter one.

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><p><em>I just skipped this class, sitting in a subway station listening to some loud music and typing this—taking easy and all…well it's supposed to feel great. But not so great and not so easy lol.<em>

_Kids, don't skip your classes. And don't swear. And don't drink. Bad, bad role model. I personally don't swear as much as my story (lol) and don't drink, perfectly clean ;)_

_Sorry for being so cynical. Can't help it._

_And should I continue? :D_


	2. Chapter 2

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

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><p><strong>-Warning: <strong>Vulgar words, curse...still a lot of 'em. Hmmmm. And lotsa lotsa rambling. Blame Raphael.

**-A/N: **Thanks so much for the reviews...**InsaneDutchGirl, Guests, Avatar Aang, LiL PriNCeSs Me and Blogger9999999!**

I wasn't very confident about the outcome of the story at first, but seems like you guys can handle it. So...more are coming up...

And also thank you very much for favorited/followed the story! That's a big encouragement and I need it badly.

**-Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT.

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><p><strong>2<strong>

How can you tell if a girl loves you or not?

Her eyes, _yeah, her eyes._

If she didn't look directly into your eyes when you said, _"I'll die for you babe, I'll do anythin'"_ and tell you the exact same thing, then she had been lying about the whole 'love _u_' thing.

No wonder he couldn't find a girl. He's so picky. Who the hell would die for him?

Not like him. He could die for anyone.

_Well, not exactly. He'd probably die before he knew whom he died for. Ha._

Or maybe he should listen to the _Wise One_.

"We're too young for relationships. Romantic relation involves devotion and commitment," said the Mighty Fearless. "And those are for the ones who are mature."

"So, what, ya wanna wait till yer fifty to start dating?" he glared at Leo. "Man, my cock will fall off before that 'cause I masturbate too much."

His older brother just rolled his eyes and walked away. And _come on_ Leo's a hypocrite. He loved Karai, the bad girl who was so infamous in their school. Leo. _That masochistic pervert._

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><p>The supermarket was far behind.<p>

And after running down the block and pummeling a pile of garbage in an alley, Raphael sat on the terrace outside his best friend's apartment. Casey wasn't home.

_Strange. Where could that guy be?_

He yawned and lay down under the midday sunlight.

It was nice to have some sunlight.

-O-

Yesterday, the last day of the semester, his PE teacher, Mr. Brennan, had talked to him—or trying to talk some sense into him._ You're a good athlete and blah, and blah blah. Are you going to college or are you going to find yourself a job? Do you want to be a pro player? Do you want to go back to the football team? 'Cause I can talk to the new coach y'know ("No thanks Mr. Brennan."). You can have good grades if you want, son. You ain't dumb. ("Yeah, I'm aware of that.") You should work harder and…why don't you dream? Young men should dream and think big…_

He didn't dream.

_Whatcha gonna do when you graduate from the high school, huh?_

_Who knows? Who cares?_

_Even if he decided it now, he'd probably change his mind after a week._

_So what's the point of asking?_

_You never get to see the end of that fucking highway. And people call it a highway. Where are ya headin' to? Ya don't even fuckin' know._

_So what's the point of that?_

He just got bored.

_Very_ bored.

"Casey Fucking Jones where the fuck are ya?" He yelled from the terrace. Some of the kids playing a robber ball down in the alley glanced up.

"Nothin', kiddo, keep playin'," he waved his hand to them.

_Keep playing and don't forget to dream. Haha. Sounds so fuckin' grownup._

-O-

"So…your dad's actually a scientist?"

When Raph heard the voice of his friend, he was half-asleep on the terrace.

"Yeah, he's a psychologist," a girl's voice.

"Does it mean that he could have me examined? 'Cause people always tell me I'm crazy."

The girl laughed. "No, you should find yourself a psychiatrist, Casey Jones."

"Well, wanna come up and have a…coke or somethin'? No one else's home."

"No, thanks, Casey. I have to go to my dad's office. He got something planned tonight."

"You and your dad, pretty close huh?"

"Yeah…after my mother died, it's only just the two of us…"

"HEY CASEY!" Raph called from above, "GONNA BRING YER GIRLFRIEND UP HERE?"

"Oh damn," Casey grunted and sighed.

"Who's that?" the girl asked. She was a red-haired teen with a ponytail dangling behind.

"It's the only person I know that's crazier than me," Casey rolled his eyes, "CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY HERE RAPH? GET. LOST!"

"Oh hotshot," Raph shrugged. _And ain't that girl April O'Neil,_ the 'special girl' according to Don? She lived on the block and went to the same school with him. She probably didn't remember him, though. But all the Hamatos knew her very well since Donnie wouldn't stop talking about her twenty-four-seven. _Hard to explain._ Well, one day Donnie walked down the street and the girl was there, standing at a corner with her dad—and Donatello Hamato fell in love. That was how it all started. In Raph's opinion, that was pretty stupid. And now, _dammit, she's with Casey? Wow, poor Donnie, really._

"YER NOT MUCH OF A FRIEND YA KNOW?" Raph shouted down.

Casey showed him the finger.

Raph smirked.

"WAIT A MOMENT WILL YA?" Casey yelled back, and turned to April, "Sorry."

"Is that…your friend? April asked with a frown.

"Yeah…kinda," Casey said.

"Not your…boyfriend?"

"'Course! What were ya thinkin', Red?" Casey burst out a cry. "Geez! I'm going to puke."

"Just kidding," April smiled, "It's just that you seem very close. I saw you two in school all the time."

"Well uh, probably. He's an unwelcome guest though."

"I CAN HEAR YOU UP HERE," Raph yelled. "YOU'LL BE DEAD BEFORE YA KNOW IT."

"Man," Casey sighed, "I'm so sorry he interrupts our date—"

"Who said this is a date?" April frowned again.

"Um, nobody?" Casey grinned.

"Well, gotta go," the girl shrugged with a small smile, "I'll see you later, Jones."

-O-

"Ya like her," Raph said. He was lying on his friend's bed, while the owner of the bed pacing in the room restlessly.

"Yeah!" Casey exclaimed, "But I don't know what she thinks o' me."

"She thinks yer an ape with slightly retarded brain function. 'Cause ya know, that's a normal reaction."

"No, she thinks I'm the hockey team leader-to-be," Casey said, "And a pro player-to-be. And a tall, dark and handsome guy."

"Gee, dark? Yer fuckin' pale," Raph snorted. "I'm dark."

"Ya just havta disagree on everythin' I said huh, Hamato," Casey stopped pacing.

"Hey, don't be so sensitive," Raph sat up.

"You don't like her?"

"Ah, that's whatcha worried about? She's not my type."

"What's your type?"

"Dunno," Raph shrugged, "She seems decent."

"What does that mean? Ain't it good?"

"It's good, I'm not sayin' it's not good, Case," Raph said, "I was just sayin' she ain't my type."

"Yer gay? 'Cause if you are, I'm goin' ta ask you to leave that bed right now."

"Oh fuck no," Raph retorted. "I'm the least gay guy on the entire planet."

"Damn, she asked if yer my boyfriend. How come she'd think I'm gay? Maybe—"

"Leave it alone," Raph grinned. "Girls asked all kinds o' weird stuff. Their brains don't function like us do."

"They function better," Casey muttered.

"I wonder," Raph laughed.

**-:-:-:-:-:-**

"You are late, my son," Yoshi shot him a glance when he entered the dojo that evening.

_Oh why does he care—_

"Leonardo," Yoshi said, holding his staff and thinking for a moment, "You pair with Raphael. No weapons."

Raph turned and saw Mikey and Donnie were already sparring in the corner.

_Ooookay_, he thought.

Leonardo tilted his head, his dark eyes suggesting something Raph didn't bother to care.

-O-

"Nice one, Raph," Leo smirked.

He felt himself pinned helplessly under his big brother. _Damn Leo's fucking arms._ The grip on both his wrists were like iron cuffs.

He struggled, trying to shrug off the weight of his brother with a kick, but Leo pressed down hard with his left knee. Raph let out a grunt for both pain and anger.

_Leo's taller, sure, but he ain't heavier._

He fought again, this time Leo actually backed off a little. But before he could get on his feet, Leonardo grabbed his right wrist and twisted it—a close quarters technique taught by Splinter when they were younger. Raph hissed in pain and was pinned down again.

"_Yame!_" Yoshi's voice sounded nearby.

The pressure on him vanished, and he felt hot rage burning his face.

He sprang toward Leo, and knocked the dark hair boy down with a desperate, anger-fueled cry.

"_Raphael!_" Splinter's call was furious.

"What the hell, Raph?" Leo yelled, shoving him aside. "Sensei said _yame_!"

"I don't care," Raph roared, "You ain't see the last o' me!"

"It's only a practice Raph!" Leo clutched his collar and shouted at his face.

A strong hand started to pull him away from his eldest brother—Raphael turned and saw Splinter's stern face.

"Twenty flips, Raphael," Yoshi said grimly. "When I say _yame_, there shall be no movement."

"_H-hai, Sensei,_" Raph grunted through his teeth, and starting to walk toward one corner of the dojo for his twenty goddamn flips.

-:-:-:-:-:-

He didn't know why people have the yearning to fight.

Call it aggression.

Donnie didn't possess aggression, Mikey neither. Donnie didn't enjoy martial arts training, actually; he just thought it was something they had do when they were younger and were forced to practice while other kids were out riding bikes or playing soccer. Now he still trained with them when he had free time, but mostly it was on the purpose of staying fit and healthy. Mikey liked to spar, because he thought it was fun. The two of them didn't have the aggression.

Leo was a different case.

Raphael never understood why Leo liked martial arts. Leo was pretty drawn to quiet, boring activities like reading, brooding, and meditating. Maybe the guy just liked to train relentlessly because it requires a lot of mental discipline. And the stoic seventeen-year-old loved discipline. Hell, Leo was a crazy controlling maniac. Perfectionist. Leo wasn't really aggressive.

_Or was he?_

Raphael lay on his bed facing the ceiling. It was a shame, letting Leo rub it in on his face like that. Leo couldn't possibly be that good.

_He couldn't._

Raph fumbled with his earphone wires. The music playing on his phone (Splinter got them each a phone months ago—_not some fancy phones designed by some fruit company, though_) was a loud one, a Japanese song. He didn't understand one word the guy was shouting—_he only understood some simple conversation in Japanese_—but he liked it.

And Raph liked fighting. He fought for fight's sake.

And he was pretty aggressive.

He liked physical contact. _Tackle. Collide. Punch. Kick. Wrestle._

He liked physical contact, especially aggressive ones.

_Non-aggressive ones?_

He shuddered at the thought.

Maybe if he weren't so picky about girls, he would know the feels of them. _Ha. Okay. That's off the topic. Now he's just being horny._

-O-

"Raph?" Leo's voice from the doorway.

"Yeah," he took off the headphone.

"You can use the shower now," the elder boy said, walking into the room in only his shorts.

"Oh," Raph only mumbled in response. He stared at Leo. The guy hadn't become more muscular these days. Leo was still a li'l bit more than just _fit_, fine. But Raph was sure he was bigger.

So how come Leo won the fucking spar?

Raph got out of his bed and grabbed his own towel.

**-:-:-:-:-:-**

He went into the bedroom. In the still half-steamy mirror he saw himself. He always checked his muscle before he showered. He was a lot thinner after he quit the football team last year. Months after he got shot, he started to take boxing lesson and do a lot of weight training, hoping he could get himself in shape again. He was very proud of his build—probably the only thing he thought was worth check out on his whole person. He didn't like his face much. He wished it could be _more_ masculine. He always cursed his biological father when it came to his features. That bastard probably was some weird coward with a fucking baby face. Okay, it ain't that bad. But goddammit he hated his eyes. They were just so…fucking weird. The color's weird. How come he didn't get brown eyes just like Donnie? The shape was weird. Everything was wrong.

He sighed and got into the tub.

-O-

No girls would ever like him.

Okay, he could attract them with his build. He had succeeded several times before. But he couldn't lie about his temper. When there was an outburst they almost always turned away from him. And man, he would lie about it but dammit he hated how those stupid girls react to his fucking temper. He hated it when he yelled something at their face and they just started crying or whining something like, _oh Raph, how can you say that? I thought you care…_ or _gee Raph, I don't know anymore, maybe I'll need sometime to think about this._ Just fuck off, bitch. Hey, he ain't some fuck overloaded with machismo—well, at first glance maybe, but he ain't one hundred percent like that. He didn't want to hurt their feelings, either, but they just so easily got hurt and that's what's driving him crazy. And he just couldn't stand their giggles and their huddling together with other girl friends laughing about some poor guy's poor performance on a kiss or during a make out.

-O-

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

"Hey Raph, can I come in? I need to brush my teeth."

"What? Can't ya even wait five minutes Mikey?" he yelled.

"Dad said I must go to bed now. He caught me playin' _Gamedude_ last night."

"Man, are you twelve? Get in. Brush yer goddam teeth. And get lost."

He heard the sound of the door opening and closing through the shower curtain.

"What the fuck were you playin' on that antique last night?" Raph asked.

"Super Mario 2."

"Geez, why would ya suddenly wanna play ol' Gamedude?"

"Nostalgia, maybe," Mikey laughed.

"Nostalgia, huh. Some SAT words."

"Ya should never underestimate me, Raphie," Mikey started to brush his teeth. "So, uh, why did ya leave us in the supermarket?"

"Why don't you just brush yer fuckin' teeth," Raph said hoarsely, irritation flaring up.

Mikey went quiet. And after some moments, he said softly, "Was just worryin', Raph."

_Oh fuck._

"Gimme my fuckin' towel," Raph said, shutting off the water.

Mikey passed the towel in from the other side of the curtain.

"Man," Raph said, wrapping the towel around his waist and stepped out of the tub. "I—"

Mikey shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. Ya don't have to answer my question if you don't wanna."

"Mikey, I'm crazy."

"You always tell us _we_'re crazy. It's never you. It's always _us_ who don't understand." Mikey snorted. _Did Mikey just say that?_

"Hey, what's that for?" Raph tried to say something, but clearly he had pissed Mikey off. Man. _He just pissed Mikey off._

"Donnie had to carry all the stuff home. We had to walk five blocks. But ya know what? It's not the worst thing."

Raph was silent for a second or two, and then he asked, "What is it then?"

"The worst thing is ya just went away. Disappeared."

"I ain't going nowhere. I came to the dojo later, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but why did you just leave suddenly without explainin' somethin' to us?"

"Why should I?"

"Raph," Mikey turned toward him, his mouth full of the foam of toothpaste, but he looked very serious, "Did it ever—_ever_ occur to you that we could be worried? That…that we may wonder what's wrong with you, or _us_?"

"Yeah, sometimes."

Mikey opened his mouth, and then closed it, turning back toward the mirror and spitting the foams into the basin.

"What the hell are ya tryin' to say, Mikey?"

Mikey gargled and spat.

"Never mind," the blond boy said, wiping his mouth with the shirtsleeve of his old orange T-shirt—_his favorite pajama._ And suddenly it came to Raph that Mikey had changed…grown up, somehow. His flaxen hair hung around his face still made him look extra young and babyish, but the blue eyes insinuated otherwise.

"Hey," Raph grabbed his shoulder before Mikey could turn the doorknob.

Mikey glanced at him briefly.

"I know, alright?" Raph said gruffly, "I know…I just…dammit. I'm…I don't know," he shook his head reluctantly. "Oh fuck."

"Well," Mikey curled his lips faintly and deliberately, and the sight sent a painful sting deep into Raph's throat. "G'night, Raph."

And Mikey was gone.

—End of chapter two.

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:** I hope you know that I have nothing against gay lol. It's just that two straight guys are afraid of what girls might think of them. And Gamedude stands for a old game device we played when we were kids. Of Nin****o company. They used this word in 2k3 series and I thought it was funny so I borrowed it.

And things seem a little slow-paced. I'm doing that deliberately. Hope you're fine with it 'cause it will be like this in this story.

I'll try to update again within this week, because on this weekend I'm leaving with my school kendo team for a competition in another town. I won't bring my laptop with me because if I bring it, I'll TYPE FAN FICTION and stay up late and lose my match and be killed by my teacher lol.

Okay enough boring stupid daily life. Hopefully I'll see you very soon!

P.s. I'm thinking about introducing another familiar face from 2k3 to my story, who's yet new to all my fics so far! I'm lookin' forward to that. (Hint: a girl)


	3. Chapter 3

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

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><p><strong>-Warnings: <strong>Curse. Wild girl.

**-A/N: **Thank you all for the reviews...**LiL PriNCeSs Me, Blogger9999999, InsaneDutchGirl and five guest readers!**

You are so kind! (To me and to Raph lol) And I'll treat you to pearl drinks (my favorite beverage!) if it's possible.

So anyway I love your reviews very much. It's like I'm riding a rocket and the stars are screaming to me for more chapters! I feel like I can go on forever! LOL.

Two days without my laptop now my fingers are itching to type haha.

**-Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT.

* * *

><p><strong>3<strong>

"_Meet me at Goongala Plaza dickhead,_" wrote Casey's text on the shiny screen of his phone in the dark room.

"_What for?_" he quickly replied.

"_Somethin good if ya dont come ya gonna regret._"

_Okay?..._

Raph slowly pushed his covers aside and sat up very quietly so as not to disturb his brother next bed. Leo got sick ninja sense.

He shifted his legs and lowered them to the ground.

"_Shit,_" he cursed under his breath as his right foot brushed against something sharp. Damn. _Is it a shuriken? Why is there shuriken on the floor?_

He tried to be more careful when he finally straightened his body. He grabbed a pair of jeans from the opened closet and found another clothes that shaped like a sleeveless shirt. _Whatever_, he put them on.

As he about to touch the doorknob, a voice sounded behind him so clear and somber.

"_Raphael._"

Raph almost jumped, but he quickly suppressed the stupid fright and turned the lights on.

When he turned around, Leonardo was sitting on the bed, staring at him silently with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"May I ask where are you going?" Leo spoke lowly.

"Out," Raph said.

"Where exactly?"

"Somewhere out there," Raph lifted his chin, challenging.

"Why?"

"Who'd rather stay in the same room with ya the rest o' the night?" Raph gritted his teeth.

Something flashed across Leo's face, which could be interpreted as the sign of being both hurt and indignant.

"Raph," the elder boy said, "You wanted to know why you lose the spar. I'll tell you. It was because of this life you're leading."

"Oh, funny," Raph snorted.

"I'm not kidding." Leo said dourly, "You gotta sleep more. It's the best rest to ensure your strength. You need more discipline, both mental and physical."

"Oh fuck yer discipline Leo," Raph grunted, "I'm goin' anyway. Ya think yer so smart? Go back ta sleep."

Leo simply humphed.

"I'll tell father," Leo said, "I'll let him handle this. You leave me no choice."

"Suit yerself, Splinter Junior," Raph smirked, and walked out of the room.

-O-

He jogged down the street. The so-called _Goongala Plaza_ was an abandoned construction site (_in NYC? What a waste!_) they found last year. Casey named it after his own stupid battle cry. _Really, what kind of cry is that? Goon-ga-la? Goons get laid?_ Every time Raph heard Casey shout that word in the middle of a fight, he couldn't help but grin like crazy.

Anyway. That wasn't important. What was important was that he finally got an excuse to get out of his boring bed. Their room had been so fucking hot. He was sweating and couldn't sleep. Not to mention he still felt a bit funny with a slight cold. _Damn the headache and the sore throat._

He wondered what Leonardo was doing right now. _That bitch probably has gone back to bed_—he ain't got any issue falling asleep as far as Raph was concerned. Leo wasn't able to tell Splinter about this until Splinter woke up. This alone at least made him feel better.

Raph got all sorts of problem when it came to sleeping. He was like a fucking old man. He got troublesome dreams; he couldn't just fall asleep once his head hit the pillow (_Mikey did that all the time_); he wasn't able to shut down his train of thoughts when the lights were out; he felt so restless and vulnerable when he lay down (_"Because you never meditate," said Fearless—oh, fuck 'im. "If you can control your thoughts, you'll be able to shut them down when you're going to sleep."_). When he was younger (_a lot younger, okay? Like almost ten years ago_), he often found Leo in his bed after he woke up shivering and crying from his nightmares. Leo consoled him every time; he'd wrap him in his arms and tell him everything's gonna be fine, stuff like that. That sounded stupid and embarrassing, but he used to be very scared and found Leo's company comforting after those dreams, which he never remembered well. All he knew was something very dreadful happened in the dreams. Something about death and sliced bodies. And a lot of blood. People chased behind him and wanted him down, wanted to accuse him for crimes and humiliate him. The dreams were the same. He used to love the way his brother whispered to him in gentle murmur—that was almost as powerful as Yoshi's Japanese lullaby. But they stopped doing that after they grew older. Maybe Leo thought Raph was old enough to handle his bad dreams. They were too old to sleep in one bed anyway.

So, why bother to sleep when you could have fun outside? Sleeping was lousy after all.

-O-

"Where exactly are we goin'?" Raph frowned.

"A new place."

"What's goin' on?"

"Some fights."

"How d'ya know?"

"One of my 'friends' told me."

"Hmmm." Raph shrugged. Casey had many 'friends' that were in all sorts of business. They weren't necessarily dealing illegal stuff—_some of them, yes_—mostly they just kind of lived in another world, the world that Casey and Raph had already half-familiar with.

"It should be fun," Casey grinned, "It's the new gang. They call themselves 'The Foot'."

"Bet that don't smell too good," Raph smirked.

"Nice rhyme," Casey chuckled.

"So what's the deal? This Foot has trouble with the Purple Dragons?" Raph asked.

"Sorta," Casey said. "They all wear black clothes, very easy to spot. Weird people."

"Where are they?"

"In Huang's bar."

"Poor guy," Raph shook his head, "He just reopened."

"Yeah, so if anythin' went wrong, we just help the fella _clean up_ the mess, what d'you say?"

"Sure," Raph said, "It's been a long while since my knuckles last tasted a Dragon's skull."

"Tell ya it'll be fun."

-O-

Raph leant against the cool bricks of the wall. The place was sultry and crowded. He could smell the stink of bodies and sweat. It felt kinda familiar. He shared a bottle of beer with his longhaired, burly friend Casey. Everything felt so great that he actually forgot about the fight going on in front of them—a bunch of men in black clothes pushed and shouted at another flock, our local friend, the Purple Dragons.

"So what?" he said dreamily, "We gonna finish 'em?"

Casey laughed. "I was thinkin' about watchin' the show."

"Watchin' the show? Boring, Casey."

"Just wait paitiently will ya?"

Raph shrugged and rubbed his forehead. He felt a bit sleepy, but he was too exited to care about that feeling.

"Yo Case."

"What." Casey gulped a mouthful of beer.

"Whatcher girlfriend's gonna think o' you if she knows abou' this?"

"'Bout what?"

"About ya coming inta this kinda place an' watch other people tear each other apart just fer fun."

"Hey, I gotta know how things' goin' in this neighborhood, Raphie."

"Oh really," Raph said, drinking another swig of beer. He didn't really enjoy beer but he liked some slight dizziness—it did him good.

"What's with the new bruise?" Casey gestured the purple mark on his elbow with a tilt of his chin.

"Ah, a sparring match with Lame-o-nardo," Raph said, trying to sound as emotionless as possible.

"He beat ya."

"Yeah, 'cause I got a cold," Raph sneezed. "An' the bitch ain't got goddamn cold."

"Geez, don't make excuse," Casey grinned, "Yer a sore loser, a very sore one. Don't think I don't know that, Raph."

"Yer so smart," Raph stated wryly. "Don't piss Mr. Raphie off—ya know the rules."

And then the fight suddenly became more intense. Some guy in black was shouting loudly.

"_LI'L SLUT GOT THE PHONE!_"

"…Grab her!"

"_Hey don't fuckin' push me ya motherfucker! Get ya dirty hands offa me!_"

"…Get that li'l slut!"

Casey went very still when he saw in the center of the chaos a small figure.

"What's wrong man?" Raph asked. "Intervention?"

"…Yeah," Casey mumbled, eyes lingering on the person he saw. "Yeah, let's do it."

"I was hopin' to hear that y'know," Raph smirked, stretching his arms and then plunged into the storm.

His first opponent was a big, fat dude with beer stain all over his shirt. Raph simply tripped him with a swing of leg and knocked him unconscious with a blow on the back of his neck. The next guy was leaner but faster, but still no match for Raph, who took him down within seconds. And then Raph got himself a weapon—a broken table leg about two feet long. With his new weapon he was unstoppable. He hit the third guy's head and the man dropped down like a rag doll. The fourth one was a boy about his age, and Raph went easy on him—_only_ broke his nose, _nothin' else serious_. On the other side, Casey was pretty wicked, too. He waved his wooden bat like some kind of barbarian. Within three minutes, the place was clearer and quieter. Several men lay unconscious on the floor; some men already ran off in the disarray.

The last one Raph fought was…

A girl. A teenage girl.

"Whatcha doin' here," he snorted, pinning the girl to the ground. "Don'tcha have any better place ta go? This ain't fer girls like ya."

"Get yer hands off cocksucker," the girl growled back, "Who the hell are ya workin' for?"

"I ain't workin' fer nobody," Raph laughed, "I'm my own fucking boss."

"Then ya better leave this mess right now," the girl warned. "You fuckin' punk."

"Look at what kinda trouble you've gott'n yerself into, miss," Raph said, "An' yer better watch out that potty mouth o' yers."

"Like ya don't need a mouth sanitizer—"

Suddenly Raph was grabbed on the shoulder from behind.

"Raph, what the hell are ya doin'?" It was Casey. "I asked ya to save her, not fight her, geez."

"When didja say that?" Raph snapped, "Ya said, 'let's go', an' I hit everyone who walks into my sight. Nevah stop Mr. Raphie when he's about ta hit someone. This is the second warning, Casey."

"Okay, I didn't tell ya about savin' the girl. Sorry 'bout that. But ya get off her, now."

"Sure," Raph snorted and held his hands up, only to be knocked down suddenly by the girl.

"_I. Told. Ya. To. Get. Yer. Fuckin'. Hands. Off. Me_—" the girl yelled fiercely at his face while her fists hit him like raindrops.

"Get the _mad bitch off CASEY JONES_!"

"A'right! A'right!"

"Sheeesh…fuck," Raph moaned when the girl was finally dragged away from him by Casey.

Casey shrugged and helped him get up. The girl now stood by Casey's side, tilting her head defiantly—a way Raph found extremely unpleasing.

"So," Raph spat the blood on the floor, "I'm guessin' ya know each other."

"Yeah," Casey sighed, "We sorta…grow up together. She lives across the street."

"Huh," Raph stared at the girl.

"So…" Casey sighed, turning to the girl, "Why are ya here? Why didja end up fightin' the Foot _and_ Purple Dragons?"

"I'm doin' my job," the girl said. "And I don't need you to _save_ me, Casey. I was doin' _fine_ on my own."

"What is it that yer doin'?" Raph inquired.

"None of yer business, Redhead," the girl smirked at him. "Oh, sorry, Redface now. Ain'tcha look good with that smashed face?"

Raph growled.

"Hey, hey," Casey stepped between them. "Let's talk this out."

"Ya ruined my night, Casey," Raph barked at his friend.

"Whoa, I thought you just wanna feed yer knuckles," Casey smiled, "Haven't you satisfied?"

"Huh," the girl grinned, "Guys like you can't put up with bein' knocked down by girls, right?"

Raph snarled dangerously.

"Okay, Raphie," Casey patted his shoulder, "If ya don't behave I'll hafta take you home."

"Let's go outside," the girl said, "Huang is callin' the cops."

-O-

They went up to the rooftop.

"You should better introduce yerselves," Casey said when the girl climbed up the last step of the fire escape.

"The name's Angel, what's yer name, redhead punk?" the girl smirked. She was tall and slim for a girl—almost boyishly skinny, actually. Her hair was dyed into a strange pinkish-purple color and tied neatly into a single tight ponytail. She got her eyebrow pierced; the little golden ring glistened in the darkness.

"Ya ain't very angelic," Raph shot her a cold glare.

"He's Raphael," Casey interrupted Raph's stare.

"—I don't see ya paintin' madonnas either," Angel snickered.

Raph snarled.

"Why don'tcha wash yer face, Raph," Casey suggested, "See, that's a faucet over there."

Raph shrugged and walked toward the said direction.

He got a bleeding nose and a cracked lip. No big deal. That girl was seriously crazy and violent. He spat again.

When he stood up from the faucet with water dripping down from his head, he saw Angel standing beside him.

"Hey," the girl said, "Sorry fer hitting ya."

"Ya did that on purpose," Raph stated.

"Yeah." She said with nonchalance. "But you were the one who attacked me first. Gotta defend. Get it?"

"No," Raph said.

"Hey, let it drop man," Angel laughed, "We're not enemies."

"How can I be sure."

"Ya can't," Angel smiled, "Ya gotta find the answer yourself."

"Oh yeah?" Raph said.

"Ya know ya sorta cute without those blood and with these bruises," Angel said, "And you're even cuter when I know it's me who caused those bruises!" And she started laughing.

"Whatcha guys talkin' about," Casey walked toward them. "Um, Angel, why are you in Huang's bar?"

"I told ya it's none of yer business," Angel snapped coldly.

"But yer grandma asked me ta—"

"Keep an eye on me? No thanks, Arnie," Angel smirked. "I'm good on my own. For instance, I tackled one of the Hamatos to the ground."

"That's because I'm off guar—_how the hell d'ya know my name?_" Raph said.

"C'mon, ya have no idea how famous you are in the school," Angel gave another husky, high-pitched laughter. "Raphael Hamato, of the ninja family. Haha."

"We go to the same school?" Raph frowned.

"Yeah," Angel nodded, "But I know ya rarely go to class, so do I. So we don't have much chance bumpin' inta each other."

"So, Angel," Casey said with a sigh, "How 'bout we walk ya home?"

"What? Like a dog?" Angel cried, "You guys are what? Vigilante? Babysitting _apes_?"

"Sorta," Casey shrugged.

"Oh cute, very sweet," Angel snickered.

"No we aren't," Raph snapped, "An' I'm goin' home. You take this babe home, Case."

"Hey Raph! But I still got a couple o' beers at home!" Casey yelled, "Ya don't wanna hang out?"

"Nah thanks," Raph ran a finger across his split lip. "I've had enough tonight. Not ta mention Fearless' gonna kill me when I got home."

-:-:-:-:-:-

The living room wasn't completely dark. The lamp on Donnie's desk glowed warmly. Raph halted before the door.

"Who's there?" a voiced said, and then the long, thin silhouette of Donatello issued from the darkness of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in the hand.

"Whatcha doin' Donnie? It's 4 a.m.." Raph frowned.

"I'm about to conduct an experiment," Donnie said. "Where have you been?"

"Out," Raph said.

"I can see that," Donnie's eyes scanned him from his head to his feet. "You got into a fight?"

"Sorta," Raph shrugged. "I thought you're gonna take some days off without working on that paper?"

"Yeah," Donnie said, "But this isn't about school. It's just my personal project."

"Can'tcha wait till morning?"

"No, I need the right temperature. Once the sun comes up the heat will ruin the validity of the data. It's subtle, but detail's the most important thing." Donnie smiled, walking past him and toward his desk.

"Hmmm, Donnie," Raph mumbled, following behind his twin. "About that grocery trip earlier…"

"Whoa, whatcha trying to say?" Donnie quickly turned around, surprised.

Raph shrugged. "Nothin'."

"Yeah?" Donnie muttered, looking at him for a moment.

"I…um, what are you guys gonna do tomorrow?" Raph asked, leaning against Donnie's bookshelf.

"I don't know," Donnie said, "Once I got my data, I'll go back to sleep for maybe two or three hours. And I'll need to analyzed them in the afternoon—"

"Okay, okay, enough of your nerd life," Raph said brusquely, but he almost regretted what he said when Donnie's smile faded instantly.

"I guess nothing," the genius said, sinking down in his chair and turning away from him. He started to take out his notebooks from the desk drawers. "You can hang out with your friend. Just don't forget to come to the dojo in the evening."

"Yeah, yeah." Raph said. "Will ya be there?"

"I don't know, I sprained my right ankle today during practice," Donnie said, "Dad said if it still hurts tomorrow, I don't have to come. Maybe I'll stay at home and continue my research."

"Wait, what, _ya sprained your ankle?_" Raph asked, "How bad?"

"Come on, Raph," his twin sighed and turned around, "Don't suddenly pretend like you give a damn, okay?"

Raph stared at him, wanting to say something, but he couldn't think of anything.

"The whole time I was ice-packing it you grumbled about how you shoud've beaten Leonardo," Donnie said, "Don't argue with me, Raph. I need to start my experiment now. Time is precious."

"Oh, 'right," Raph said, "G'night, Donnie."

"It's hardly nighttime now," Donnie muttered when Raph was about to enter his room. Something burned in his chest and he felt like yelling at Donnie, but he repressed the urge with a bite on the tip of his tongue and closed the bedroom door behind him.

-O-

Leo was asleep, or, at least, he_ appeared to be asleep_. Raph took off the clothes and flung them on the floor. He slipped into the bedclothes. The night had cooled down and the sheets now felt soothing around his skin. He buried his head into the pillow and missed the taste of cigarette—Splinter had made him quit months ago, and he didn't protest. He knew smoking wouldn't kill his anxiety completely, but call it placebo effect. And hell was it really anxiety that was eating him? Or maybe that was just pure irritation? Anyhow. He thought maybe things would get better and better, but it was like things never got any better; they just slipped away from his grasp. Out of reach. It seemed as though he just couldn't get the hang of it.

Darkness started to drown him. He could sense dreams approaching.

And he dreaded them.

—End of chapter three.

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><p><strong>-AN:** I sorta make Angel older in this story. Hope you're all okay with that. And actually I'm not very familiar with Joi...After Leo got all weird in season four, I started to skip episodes (but the story which Leo got his enlightenment lol with the Ancient One is real good I gotta admit I cry a little). So anyway! It's Angel.


	4. Chapter 4

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

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><p><strong>-Warnings: <strong>Coarse language. Bad attitude.

**-A/N: **

Finally! Finish at nearly 4 am! The last chapter was a bit lame in my opinion (but I'm a perfectionist so yeah). But now I feel right with this new chapter. Let's see how it goes.

Thanks for your reviews, **LiL PriNCeSs Me, InsaneDutchGirl and three guest readers** (too bad I can only tell the difference from the your tones but your reviews are all great anyway!)

And I want to thank **InsaneDutchGirl** especially, uh, don't know how to express the reason why maybe you just have to read the following chapter to find out? It has something to do with her fics! (Or maybe it isn't really obvious) And has something to do with her support too (since my first fic ever!). Okay I'll sew my mouth. Cough. I'm pretty shy when it comes to things like this. But this chapter is dedicated to her! Yeah! I'm a bit crude not so polite sorry about that...

**[IF you have enough of my A/N please skip the following part now and start with the chapter]**

So! I finally know where this crappy story of mine is heading! Thanks to a fellow fan fic author (InsaneDutchGirl! I mentioned above) and a professor (from NYC lol, not the sewers though what a shame!) who visited one of our tedious, boring class and inspired me with his tvorcheskaya sila (_ТВОРЧЕСКАЯ СИЛА, don't know if I had that right, it's Russian_), which kinda means 'creative power' in English but the translation didn't grasp the full meaning of that.

Alright. Enough babbling. Let's just move on.

**-Dictionary:**

There's a Japanese word in there, _maai_, which means the distance between one and his opponent during a combat. According to my sensei that's a preeeety important thing. The end.

**-Disclaimer:** I don't own TMNT and those amazing characters.

* * *

><p><strong>4<strong>

_Alone on the open field. Bodies scattering around._

_Breathing is hard. Walking is difficult._

_Trapped._

_Trapped._

_He forgets his family's voice._

_He misses them._

_Leo's stern baritone. Donnie's sometimes hysterical tenor. Mikey's slightly raspy high voice._

_He knows them, but now they just evade him._

Raphael woke with a start.

He was alone in the bedroom. Leonardo was nowhere to be seen.

_Another fucking dream._

He grumbled and got out of the bed. The hallway was quiet too. He stumbled into the living room and found it empty. _Nice. So where's everybody?_

He glanced at the clock on the wall.

_3:46 p.m.._

"Nice," he muttered.

The second day of summer._ Everything is just fucking good._

"Whoa, so nobody's home," he said loudly, "I'm havin' the whole place to myself? Great. I'm gonna start with blasting the roof off—"

"Raphael," a voice said behind his back, and he sighed heavily without turning around.

"What is it," Raph rolled his eyes. Yeah, so someone was actually home after all.

"I am speaking to you, my son," Yoshi said.

Raph finally turned to face his father, "Where've they gone?"

"I sent them to the dojo for a cleanup," Yoshi replied.

"Why didn't anyone of ya wake me up?"

"Donatello told me that you went to bed at 4 a.m.."

"Since when have you let me sleep till whenever I like?" Raph narrowed his eyes.

"Since now," Yoshi said. "You're old enough to decide these things for yourself, aren't you?"

"Hey, look," Raph cut in with a brisk tone, "I don't know where are you going to with…_I don't know what this is_…**_th-this thing_**, but you're just pesterin' me. I'm not levelheaded like 'em, okay? I don't know what this is all about. But I really don't like it." He expected Yoshi would explode or something, but to his surprise—

"Sure," Yoshi just nodded calmly, "Now maybe you want to drive with me to the dojo?"

"What?" Raph stared at Yoshi, "Now?"

"Yes, since you are coming to practice this evening, we might as well go now. I have something to show you in the dojo, my son."

"What is it?" Raph frowned.

"Well, you have to come with me to find out," Yoshi smiled.

"Yeah," Raph shrugged, "Whatever." He didn't want to walk all the way to the dojo anyway. Maybe he'd just hitch a ride.

-O-

"Raphael," Yoshi said all of a sudden after three full minutes of silence, "Does it ever occur to you that distance is something very hard to manage?"

"What da ya mean by distance?" Raph mumbled.

"Well, distance refers to many things."

"Can we not have this conversation?" Raph looked out of the window and spoke in an irritable tone.

"Of course," Yoshi said, "By the way, what have you discovered?"

"Discover _what_?" Raph frowned.

"The thing we discussed yesterday. Why is it necessary to seek satisfaction through the acts of self-destruction."

"Whoa, did we discuss that yesterday?" Raph snorted. "I don't wanna have this philosophy class in the car. Man I honestly don't."

Yoshi smiled, "This is not a lecture, my son."

"It kinda smells like one."

"I told you before that anger is self-destructive, Raphael," Yoshi said, "There are many other deeds that are also harmful to the doer itself. And I've seen you found allies in them."

"Oh really," Raphael smirked, "I bet there are countless people out there just like me. Y'know '_the Leonardo_' is a scarce species."

"You seem troubled," Yoshi stated.

"Of course, nothing's right."

"Nothing?" Yoshi asked, "Were you there?"

"Where?" _Dammit_, his head ached. _Damn. Could Splinter stop speaking in fucking riddles?_

"I wish I could help you, my son," Yoshi muttered in a low tone.

Raphael glanced at the middle-age man. He crossed his arms and dropped his gaze.

"I'm fine," he spat. "There's nothin' to help with."

Yoshi sighed, and parked the car.

-O-

No one looked at him when he entered the dojo, so Raph didn't bother to say hi too. Mikey was mopping the floor; Donnie was scrubbing the window; Leonardo was organizing martial arts gears, since there were sounds coming out of the storage room.

"Good afternoon, my sons," Yoshi greeted them cheerily.

"Hey Dad!" Mikey looked up, but when he saw Raph, his smile faded.

Raph gave a little snort and turned toward his father. "What do ya wanna show me you said?"

"Come, my son," Yoshi said and headed toward his room—which was right next to the storage room.

The floor of the room, like Yoshi's bedroom back at home, was also covered with _tatami_.

Yoshi gestured him to kneel down, and Raph obeyed unwillingly. Normally, kneeling down meant lecture. But Yoshi said he was gonna _show_ him something. And as far as Raph could tell, his father never tricked them.

He watched as Yoshi took a long, narrow wooden box from the corner of the room and came back to kneel down before him.

The son's eyes widened a little as Yoshi slowly revealed what were in the box.

Raphael gasped.

"Yes, my son," Yoshi smiled, "Your birthday is near. And I want you to start practicing with these soon."

Raph looked down at the box. Inside the box, lying coldly and quietly on the soft velvet lining, were two breathtakingly beautiful twin sai decorated with dark red and golden handles.

"Can I touch 'em?" he looked up at his father.

"Sure," Yoshi nodded.

Raphael carefully took one in his right hand. It felt heavier than it had seemed, but he loved the heaviness—they felt actual and real.

"Awesome," he simply said.

"Yes, they are," Yoshi curved his lips, "The Hamato clan always has them. And I think no one will be more appropriate to master the art of wielding twin sai than you."

"Why?" Raph asked.

"It suits you," Yoshi chuckled, his eyes glistering with a warm touch, "To have a short weapon means that you have a shorter _maai_ than the wielder of, say, a sword, or a bo staff—which means, you always have to be in a short distance with your opponent.

"And this requires the kind of boldness you already possess," Yoshi said, "You have to be constantly moving and attacking, in a very short and rather dangerous distance. But, as I've observed closely, you throw yourself directly toward your enemy all the time, Raphael." Yoshi cleared his throat, "And my son, I'm not merely talking about combat."

Raph gazed back, and putting the sai back into the box.

"They're pretty," he muttered, trying to shrug his father's deep words off.

"You like them?" Yoshi raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, o' course," Raph actually chuckled a little. "They're just…awesome."

"I am glad to see that," Yoshi said, "But I will have to give them to you on your seventeenth birthday. You must wait patiently before then."

"Yeah, sure."

"Good," Yoshi said, standing up; Raph followed his father's movement and stood up, too. Yoshi patted him on his back encouragingly.

Raphael met his father's eyes, and they greeted him warmly back. A feeling of guilt rushed over him as he recalled the way he had been acting all morning—_oh, no, just the fifteen-minute trip to the dojo. But yeah he had been a total jerk. Dammit. Dammit._

_Dammit._

-O-

It was like all of his brothers had decided to ignore him altogether. _Come on, it's just groceries. No big deal huh? And yeah, he did sneak out but what's so special about that? He got bored. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about crappy stuff and he needed fresh air. What else could he do?_

The rest of the training that day went on slowly and was incredibly boring. No spar today. Just basic movements and katas. Kick, dodge, kick again. Punch, punch, block, and kick. He was practically falling asleep as Splinter announced that the training was over. He glanced around and found a very cheerful Leonardo—which was just downright weird and rare, but Leo embraced boring stuff and patterns like no one else did. Donnie and Mikey seemed bored, too.

The drive back home was painfully awkward as well. No one looked or spoke to him. It was like he didn't even exist at all. _All right, if that's whatcha want me to feel. I don't give a shit._

"Hey, Dad," Mikey said suddenly when the car was pulling in into the parking spot, "What do we have for dinner tonight?"

"What do you boys want to eat?"

"Anything," Donnie said.

"Anythin' that comes quick," Raph mumbled. And then that was when the weird thing happened—no one else said a goddamn thing after him. The conversation was suddenly over, just because he, Raphael, said four goddamn words.

_Alright, they're seriously pissing him off._

-:-:-:-:-:-

They ended up having Mikey's homemade steak for dinner.

The family of five sat around the dinner table in a rather uncomfortable silence. Mikey wasn't as noisy as usual. Raph had thought maybe Mikey had finally run out of topics, but he decided that there was something else going on—his brother really had reached an agreement that they should stay silent as long as possible so as to tick him off.

_Okay. Whatever._

"Pass me the salad," he muttered to Mikey.

Mikey glanced up, eyes lingering on Raph's face for a moment. The blue there was wary and strange.

Raph felt as though a cold knife was placed behind his neck and he was forbidden to fight. The thought sent an angry rush down his stomach and it twisted and turned in discomfort.

"What, is there shit on my fucking face?" he snorted, "Is it?"

Mikey shook his head and became very pale.

"Hey, don't you talk to him like that," Donnie said harshly, standing up.

"Raphael," Leo warned him.

"No, you two," Raph shot them both a dark look, "Ya think I don't know? You've been sayin' stuff behind my back, like…like…"

"Raphael, please, your brothers didn't—" Yoshi tried to interrupt.

"Whoa, what do you know? Wise Man?" Raph turned to glare at Yoshi, "Ya ain't like me. Y'all act so great and holy like yer saints. And I tell ya yer fucking not. Yer all idiots. Nerd," he pointed at Donnie, "Priest," he turned to Leonardo, "Fake saint," he spat to his father, "And a goddamn clown," his eyes stayed on Mikey.

That was when Mikey couldn't take it and tears started to well up in his huge eyes.

"Oh, dammit," Raph cursed, his fingers digging into his hair and his breaths hitching to a rhythm that could only be too quick. "Don't listen to me—Oh WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING GET OUTTA HERE?"

Yoshi was the first one to leave. Before he stepped out of the kitchen, he gave Raphael a look which truly stabbed him in his heart. The man wasn't enraged, but was possessed with mere sadness and disappointment. Donnie ran past him with his head drooping low, refusing to meet his eyes. Mikey remained still in his chair, hands still clutching his fork and knife tightly and cheeks covered with tears.

"Let's go, Mikey," Leo muttered, grabbing the youngest on his arm and dragging him away from the spot.

"You better keep it under control, Raph," Leo said lowly when he walked past Raph. And that was the last straw.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" he howled and picked up a heavy, china plate from the table and threw it to his brothers.

Leo's eyes snapped wide open and quickly covered Mikey with his back bending over. The plate hit him on his left shoulder and fell, shattering into pieces on the kitchen floor.

"GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!" Raph roared, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT!"

As Leonardo and Mikey staggered out of the kitchen, Raph turned back to the kitchen table and started to smash everything in his sight. The plates? Sure, they could go to hell. Crash 'em. Crash 'em. And the forks—he threw them to the other end of the room. And he kicked the chairs down. One by one. Splinter's chair was the first one to go. And then goddamn Leo's. And stupid Donnie's. And Mikey's. And his own. Good. And the table could die too. Raphael sneered and picked up a knife, starting to torture the table. Forget about it, forget about it, forget about it, forget about it…

_Forget about it._

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Does it hurt, Leo?" Mikey asked softly while removing the icepack from Leonardo's shoulder.

"No, it's mostly numb," Leo said.

"Ya got a nice big bruise," Mikey smiled slightly.

"Cool," Leo returned the little brother a smile.

"Donnie's using the bathroom, so ya probably gotta wait until he finishes," Mikey grimaced.

"It's alright." Leo said, "I'm not feeling up to a shower anyhow."

Mikey pursed his lips and put the icepack down on the table along with other stuff in Donnie's first aid kit.

Leo leant back on the couch and sighed.

Mikey stared blankly at the TV, which was playing some dumb kid's show right now. The jolly colors and the costume guy seemed very silly at the moment. They hadn't heard a sound from the kitchen since half an hour ago, but Raph was still in there.

"Tell me, Leo," Mikey said, "What exactly is goin' on between you and Karai?"

"What?" Leo couldn't help but sat straight.

"Ya never mentioned her again, not after the final exam," Mikey said.

"Oh…yeah," Leo said, "I don't know. She never talks to me afterwards; maybe she thinks I'm too boring. Or maybe she just passed the trig exam."

"You're not boring, Leo," Mikey said, "You're…um, just a bit serious."

Leo chuckled. "Alright, that didn't sound boring at all."

"Geez, if girls don't like ya, I don't know who they'll fall for," Mikey shook his head.

Leo smiled, "Huh, thanks, but I'm just not that kind of people, I guess."

"Leo?" they heard Donnie yelling from the bathroom, "You can shower now!"

Leo stood up, "Thanks for the icepack, Mike."

"No problemo, bro," Mikey flashed him a smile.

And he was left alone in the living room—No. Someone had stepped in immediately after Leo was gone.

Mikey looked up.

He opened his mouth but stayed silent for a moment.

And then,"Yer alright?" he said softly.

"Yeah, kinda," Raphael rasped, collapsing on the couch next to him.

Mikey shifted in the seat, wanting to leave the room but finding himself unable to do so.

"Why did you look at me like that."

It didn't exactly sound like a question. Mikey tried not to turn his gaze upon his brother but failed once more.

But Raph wasn't looking at him.

"I guess I was angry," Mikey replied in a stifled whisper.

"Yeah," Raph laughed darkly. "Why?"

"And you ask?" Mikey's voice rose to a harsh pitch.

"What's wrong—"

"No, no, no, nothing's wrong," Mikey said, "Everything's just fine, isn't it? You start to drink again and pick fights on the streets, don't think I don't know. A-and you even _jump off a bridge_ when you're drunk. Wh-what if it _wasn't_ a bridge? What if it's a cliff or somethin'? _You're gonna kill yourself?_"

"Com'on, it's my own choice."

"So you can get yourself killed? You can end up in jail?" Mikey asked, still looking calm, but Raph could see his jaw trembling slightly.

"It's my own—"

"No it's not!" Mikey cried, "It's _fucking_ not!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Raph raised his hands, "Don't swear, Mikey."

"WHY? You do that all the time—"

"I'm the bad role model, Mikey," Raph interrupted him, "Don't swear, huh?"

"Why should I listen to you?" Mikey almost screamed, "You…you don't care about us. You just keep wandering out there, all caught up in your own world…and ya look so angry all the time an'…"

Raph caught Mikey in his arms before he pressed his forehead on Mikey's shaking shoulder. "Shhhhh, Mikey, I'm sorry…"

"But I can't…h-help you," Mikey said through tears.

"Nobody can help me, gotta work this out myself," Raph said.

"I-if you can only tell us what's wrong…"

"I don't know, Mikey," Raph said, shaking as well, "That's the problem."

"What if you died? How can we go on? Have ya thought about that?" Mikey pulled away a little and gazed up at him. And the sight reminded him eerily the other night, when he lay on the pavement and looked up at an imaginary starry sky.

"I don't know," Raphael admitted quietly.

Tears glistened under the light and Mikey rubbed them off furiously.

"Please, Mikey, I haven't figure this out but…" Raph choked a bit, "Just…j-just give me some time, okay? Just let…let me think about this…oh god…"

His throat felt so dry and hot, and he just ceased to care about whether it was the result of his cold or an upcoming breakdown. He tasted tears on his tongue even before he actually realizing that he was crying.

"P-please don't l-look at me like that, Mikey," he struggled with getting the words out as his breathing became difficult, "I-I can't bear it…if you guys look at me like that."

He didn't even know what he was trying to say.

"I-I know I'm crazy," he stuttered, "I-I'm…I'm a jerk and if you guys wanna…wanna just ignore me it's okay, but please…" He broke down with a series of pants.

Mikey supported his shoulder and looked at him intently, "Are you alright?"

"P-please, not you, okay?" Raph managed, "Don't…d-don't look at me like that like I'm a…a worthless…"

"No, you're not," Mikey's voice was half-buried in his already tear-soaked front shirt, "I'm just a bit...angry, that's all. You're not worthless."

"Y-yeah, thanks," Raph muttered.

"You're my hotheaded brother, and ma best pal," Mikey said.

"Thanks," Raph said softly.

-O-

"I need to think about stuff," he said. "Just a few days and I'll be back."

"Do you really have to pack all of your CDs?" Mikey asked doubtfully.

"Not all of 'em," Raph said.

"Where are ya goin'?" Mikey's eyes stayed on the ragged backpack on Raph's shoulder. The second eldest was all ready to leave—he had managed to pack things he needed while Leo was still in the shower humming the theme from Space Heroes.

"Casey's," Raph said, "Don't tell the others."

Mikey rolled his eyes. "So I gotta keep secrets for you, _again_?"

"Kinda like that," Raph shrugged, turning to the door.

"Oh great," Mikey crossed his arms in front of his chest, blowing his bangs away from his vision, "Oh just great Raphie-boy. I'll kill you if you get yourself in troubles again."

"I'll try hard," Raph said, "Really. Just keep it fer me will ya? Don't tell the others and I'll treat you ta sundae."

"When did I get my last sundae huh Raph?" Mikey yelled when Raph was about to step out of their home, "Oh_ wait I never really get it!_"

Raph smirked and closed the door.

—End of chapter four.

—End of part one.

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:**

The last bit, it has something to do with my previous fic Stranger Whistles, if you feel a bit confused, I suggest you read it but it's okay if you don't. (But you should read it coz personally I think it's not so badly written haha!)

Okay! Things are finally set! We can move on to the next stage of this story. I have a feeling that this is gonna be a long journey (who named it the LONGEST sunset anyway? lol)

Maybe I push it a little bit fast? I don't know for sure now 'cause I'm half-asleep already. OOC? Hmmm. Oh I don't care anymore I need sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:** Thanks for your reviews, **InsaneDutchGirl, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Infinite end, Raigon and four guest readers.** You help me go on with the story, really. I know it's not a mainstream fan fiction (probably), so I really appreciate your appreciation (I did that on purpose :p).

Now we are on the second part. (The first part is called Over The Rim, just to remind you)

And after that turmoil of the last chapter, things slowed down again, we're back to the slow pace...(sigh)

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT and the words I quote-they are sacred to me btw.

* * *

><p><strong>Part Two<strong>

**Hanging On Edge**

* * *

><p><em>Every time I came to the end of a block and stepped off the goddam curb, I had this feeling that I'd never get to the other side of the street. I thought I'd just go down, down, down, and nobody'd ever see me again. Boy, did it scare me. You can't imagine.<em>

—J. D. Salinger,_ The Catcher in the Rye._

* * *

><p><strong>5<strong>

_Raphael was the only one who remembered the days before the adoption._

_The memories were faint, though._

_The clearest one of them was a scene in the basement. He was sitting in the corner of the dark chamber, watching several men. They were talking loud and laughing gruffly. And then a man approached him, speaking to him. We're leavin', the man said, and ya stay here a'right? He didn't know where they were going, but he was sure—kind of—that they won't come back. And then the men climbed up the stairs, one by one. He guessed some of them died that night, but he could never know the answer. The man who spoke to him had red hair—he was quite sure about that. Wild, blazing red hair, and a cruel smile. He spoke softly to him but without tender of any kind. And then the man left, walking straight out of the room lazily in a pair of loose, worn jeans. No. The man paused before the staircase and turned back because the little boy had started crying. Don'tcha dare cry ya li'l bastard, the man spat and threw something toward him. Did it hit him? No? Did it hurt? It must have, though. The man approached him and he smelled cigarettes and beer and gasoline. The smile dancing on the man's lips seemed to mock him. And the green eyes that met his own green ones were cold as ice, but he saw flames behind them. And he saw fiery behind them. And then the other men stood in a row behind the redheaded man, and then they all laughed. He started to cry and the man said again and again, Don'tcha dare cry ya li'l bastard. And they continued to laugh._

_And then the scene changed. It changed into the lifeless field with body scattered around. He knew his brothers were near but they were nowhere to be seen. H gazed down and found a familiar face among the bodies. Tangled blond hair and dirt-stained face, Mikey stared back at him motionlessly. He staggered back and fell, and he fell and fell, and he almost screamed because it was too real, but—_

It was only a dream.

Raphael woke up in the dark room of Casey Jones'. He threw the bedsheets aside and stood up—he had been bunking on the floor. He glanced at Casey, who was still snoring in his sound slumber, and then he headed toward the window, opening it slowly and carefully, and then snuck out.

-O-

He should have at least put a t-shirt on but he hadn't bothered to do so. It was not until he climbed up to the rooftop that he felt the wind was biting his skin. He sneezed and sat down on the edge of the building, gazing down. _They were right,_ he thought, _what the hell am I doing?_

Why did he leave?

Why did he leave in the first place?

_Why didn't that brat grab my arm and pull me back to the couch when I said I was going to pack my stuff? He's afraid I'll hit him, probably. Whoa, what a lousy brother I am. What a lousy brother and lousy son. Now I'll never be able to go back._

He hurt them every time.

Every single goddamn time.

He felt weak. And the dream emerged from its sleeping place. _The red-haired man came back and smiled at him. And he threw something across the room…now he remembered, it did hit him. It did. It hit him on his forehead. And it started to bleed. Oh man that must be the reason why he's retarded…ha ha…_

_Where was Donnie then? Where was his mother? Why was he alone?_

_Why did human have to live with memories?_

_That was a stupid question,_ he heard Donnie talking in his head, _our memories form the person we are—if our memories were inconsistent, we would not think we are the same, consistent person…_

_Shut the fuck up_, he yelled at his twin in his head, _I've heard enough crap._

_See? That's the reason why I didn't wanna talk to you,_ now Mikey said, _you always shout at us, you're always so mean. Why do we have to put up with you?_

_Raphael,_ Leonardo said, _you're not thinking right. You gotta correct that habbit of thinking toward the wrong direction. You're so wrong. You screw everything up and I have to clean up your mess every time. Maybe I should leave you alone. You're just pretending to be tough, and you call me a pretender? Look at yourself. Look into the mirror—_

And see that same red hair and green eyes?

_The man smirked back at him and looming over him. Ya li'l bastard, ya fucking bastard…stop cryin' ya sonnovabitch…hey! His mother's really a whore! The man turned to laugh at his friends. And they all laughed. The laughter echoed in the basement and became an endless loop. Rahahahahaha. A pause. Ahahahahahaha. A short halt. And then. Hahahahahahaha…_

-O-

"Raph?" someone said, "'S that you?"

Raphael jerked awake, sitting straight up and shivering.

"Man why did you sleep up here?" Casey Jones looked at him with wide, confused, and sleepy eyes.

"…I need some fresh air," Raph rasped. _Damn his throat._ His voice had always been a bit croaky, but _this_ was definitely caused by the cold.

"Try to freeze yer ass off?" Casey offered a hand; Raph took it without looking and let his friend pull him to his feet.

"I fell asleep. I wasn't goin' to."

"Well you should be careful. What if ya fall off the building?"

_That'd be great_, Raph thought, and smiled.

"Yer not thinkin' anythin' weird, huh?" Casey glanced at him. "Yer not thinkin' 'bout jumping…off or somethin', right?"

"Co'mon! Ya sensitive prick, yer a counselor? I've had enough of 'em ya know." Raph said, "Let's get inside a'right? I'm really freezin'."

* * *

><p><strong>[Earlier]<strong>

Leonardo wasn't surprised at all when he found Raphael gone while Mikey sat on the couch chomping on potato chips, staring blankly at the TV.

"Hi, Leo," Mikey said.

Leo sighed.

"I did everythin' I can man," the youngest boy said, "But nothin' stops him y'know."

"I know," Leo said, "I know it very well."

"My sons," Hamato Yoshi said suddenly, walking into the living room with Donatello. "We should all retire this evening."

"Night Dad," Mikey said without removing his gaze from the TV screen.

"Mikey, you should go to bed," Donnie said.

"Let him be," Leo said tiredly, turning toward his bedroom.

-O-

Leo went back into his room and started to fold the messy bedclothes on Raph's bed—he could finally lay his hand on this disarray and clean it up without knowing it will go back to the same shambles within eight hours.

Just as he was gathering the dirty clothes on the floor, he saw something under the red-clothed bed—a piece of paper actually. He almost smiled as he thought maybe it was a note Raph had left informing him that he was going to run away again. That was sweet, too sweet it almost got his anger all flaring up. But as he picked the paper up, he saw a totally unfamiliar handwriting. On the paper it wrote:

_Hey Redheaddie!_

_It's Angel, the purple-haired bitch as you might put it. Remember me? Anyways I got this phone in the bar and it's a bit risky for me to keep it. So (you're not gonna believe this!) I'll slip it (while you're reading this I already did) into your pocket when you aren't noticing. Keep it for me. Be careful since the Foot might come back for it._

_Thanx :D_

Leo read it for several times before he thought he had grasped the full meaning of that note. He went back to the dirty laundry he just put aside and found a pair of jeans that felt bit heavier than a normal one. He reached for its pockets and there it was.

A phone.

The phone this girl—_Angel, was it?_—had stolen from a strange gang. An object gained from a theft. Leo's stared at it for a moment.

_Need to talk to Raph._

Leonardo threw the phone on Raph's bed and walked toward his own bed. Tomorrow. _Yes. Tomorrow._

* * *

><p><strong>[Present]<strong>

Raph took the hot chocolate from his friend's hand and settled down on his bed.

"Ya got another ten minutes on my bed. The clock's ticking." Casey said.

"Com'on! We can share it," Raph grinned; he put the mug on the nightstand and lay down, spreading his limbs.

"You cock," Casey snorted, "It's my bed. It's my home. Ya came out from nowhere an' convinced me ta give ya a corner to rest yer sore ass…ya should be thankin' me."

"O great Lord, please, allow me to thank ya!" Raph exclaimed, "I am forever in thy debt fer dis hot chocolate, which warmeth not only mine empty heart but filleth mine thirsty spirit…O King how shall I express mine gratitude?"

"Just get the hell outta my bed you idiot," Casey grunted, "An' did ya drink anythin' while I was in the kitchen?"

"You bet!" Raph laughed and pulled a bottle of whiskey from under the bed.

"Damn, where didja get that?" Casey gasped.

"I found it under yer bed, Casey-man," Raph said, "No, wait, Case-man, Caveman."

"Shut up," Casey said, "Gimme that. No more drinkin'."

"Woooo, someone's angry?" Raph singsoned, "Yer gonna be my momma? Whoa, Casey Jones, yer so mature, huh. Yer a God. No, yer a Goddess. Look at those lustrous long black hair, they're so beautiful! What brand of shampoo do you use?"

"Quit goofin' off man," Casey shouted, "Give me that bottle, yer totally insane."

"What? I'm insane? Hey! It's the first time I hear that! I'm so so so flattered man! You solve the mystery! Detective! Oh Lord Casey King Jones Fucking Goddess Arnie Babe! How shall I sing thy ma-majesty…"

He jumped out of the bed while Casey tried to snatch the bottle away.

"Fuck, Raph, it's five a.m.!" Casey yelled, "An' I'm supposed ta be sleepin'."

"Whoa, whoa, now ya wanna sleep? How 'bout yesterday?"

"I came home at four o'clock!"

"Like there's a big difference!"

"Raphael Hamato ya give that back!"

"Nah," Raph ran into the bathroom, "I won't. That's so not fun. So so so not fun."

"Dammit!" Casey cursed as Raph locked the door from the inside. "It's my house! Ya get the hell outta there!"

"No way," Raph laughed, "An' hey Case, was the bottle empty in da first place?"

"You drank it all?" Casey cried, "_Yer crazy!_"

The door was suddenly unlocked and flung open, Raph staggered out of the bathroom. He threw the empty bottle onto the floor when he went past his friend. It was silent for a moment. Casey Jones looked at him from head to feet, and Raph fixed his eyes vacantly on an empty spot.

"Night, Casey," he muttered, retreating to the corner where the temporary bed had been arranged for him. "Sorry fer yer troubles."

Casey stared at Raphael as the latter crawled under the blanket.

"What the hell," he mumbled. "I'm goin' ta sleep."

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next day Raphael woke up with sore limbs. He found the room empty, so he quickly pulled on a shirt and climbed out of the window. He climbed along the building until he reached the fire escape, and then made his way down to the ground level.

The new day was something. He felt like it must be a miracle. He set his foot on the warm sidewalk and was slightly amazed.

He wanted to do something.

He wanted to do something different. Something big and amazing. Something strange.

But he lacked the energy. And as he glanced at the clock in a small shop on the street, he saw it was already two in the afternoon. Today he had to go help out at where he took his boxing lesson—it was an exchange. He did not have to pay any tuition; he just had to clean the place and taught some small kids. The instructor was a friend of Yoshi's association.

So he started to walk down the street. Everything felt fine and well, but only lacking _something_, something he could not name. All the restlessness had shrunken into a fading mark, which discolored a little spot on his heart. All the restlessness and guilt, and memories…they seemed to mock him. And again, he tried to ignore the assault in vain.

_Is something wrong? No. But everything feels wrong._

He glanced at the passersby, wondering what other people have on their minds. He would never know the answer, and he felt slightly bored—he knew he'd be _definitely bored_ by some people's thoughts. And again, he was not used to complex thinking; thinking at this stage already tired him, so he tossed the thoughts away, just focusing on the sunlight. _How long will it last? A week? Six more hours? Or ten minutes?_

_How the hell would I know,_ he said to himself.

Is it possible that this is only a dream, and in reality he's still back at home, chattering nonsense with Mikey or fighting with Leo or teasing Donnie? Or maybe in reality he's still six years old, running down the streets trying to pick fights with some older neighbor kids.

Or _maybe he's still sitting in that basement, just having been hit by that old radio his, possibly, biological father had thrown at him._

Or maybe he did not really exist at all.

Donnie would laugh. _You're trying to do some philosophical reasoning? You, Raph? Out of the four of us?_

This must be a joke. But no kidding. He was seriously considering the possibility.

It was unreal…the streets and his footfalls. His sneaker stepped on the concrete and he heard the firm sound it made, but he didn't truly believe it. _Maybe it was the hallucination result from the alcohol, who knows?_

He started to think about the whole thing. He was real dramatic to run away again. But what else could he do? He damn near murdered Leo with that shuriken skill of his _(or flying plate, if you'd rather put it)_. What if he lost it completely? Well he did hurt them, but what if he hurt them more by reveal this…brutality, or whatever, _insanity_ in him?

It came from an unknown frustration, he guessed. It was pretty hart to tell, since he never truly wanted to explore the origin of his anger. And he remembered those stupid student counselors he had had in all these years. They were stupid, really. Always asking if he's got some hidden issue or something. _If it was hidden, it IS hidden. So why the fuck would I wanna show you, bitch? Would you just kiss off?_ But it was naïve and nice of them to think he was not totally a bully or a psycho—he appreciated that.

-O-

He missed Mikey more than anything. He thought about it as he walked into the studio—they taught boxing and ballet in the same goddamn place. He always smirked at those big girls, who were around the same age as him. And some of them sometimes smiled back. He knew how to smile to girls and he never failed to do so. It was something you need to practice once in a while. They did not like it gentleman-style. They like it dirty. So ya gotta curve up one end of your lips and narrow your eyes slightly—he learned that from movies. If you got some looks and work up a build, this little trick would probably help you get some girls smiling back at you.

However, he was not in the mood today.

He greeted his instructor Jim, a middle age, rough man. Jim simply grunted in reply. "What d'I havta do?" Raph asked.

"Just sit there for a minute, I gotta call some big shots," the man said. So Raph sat down at the couch near the entrance, flinging an arm over the back of the couch. Some girls walk into the place and a brunette glance at him.

"S'up babe," he tried to pull out his typical smile. "—Ow!" His instructor smacked him on his head.

"Don't talk ta gals like that," the man said, "Think of 'em as yer sisters."

"Oh, well, sorry," Raph muttered.

He went back to think about Mikey. _What is he doing right now? Probably playing video games. He got a whole summer for that. Good, he'd love it._

He thought about the sai as well. He loved them. Maybe Splinter wouldn't give them to him anymore after what he did yesterday. Leo got his sword, Donnie got a bo staff when he was still in eighth-grade _(and that was a long, long time ago)_; Splinter let Mikey start practicing nunchaku some months ago. He had thought he wasn't trusted with a real weapon…now he was sure of that. To think about it, he had attacked his brother _(that particular one being Fearless)_ twice in just three days.

_Oh, Raphie,_ he thought to himself, _oh Raphie, how can you go on?_

He didn't have an answer.

—End of chapter five.

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:** I was writing this chapter and thinking about, "Damn, that's why people don't read your shit (pardon my french, I'm very rude when I speak to myself). They've probably already got a shitty life (no offense, just assuming), now they have to endure your crap too?" And I feel like, gimme a bottle of whiskey and I'll give this speech in the campus on _"Why you should read TJHECTOR"_, and now you're talking to the most arrogant bastard you've ever seen. Yeah I feel like one. Okay, I'll shut up before I lost my cool. Anyway, I think this chapter is a mere rambling. I want to perfect it but I've already lost my strength to try to be one of 'the Leonardo' lol.

By the way, quoting my favorite book for the first time almost got me weeping. I know that's corny and I'm being typical. But no you can't kill my spirit. I glanced through the book to find these lines and damn, I'm really getting this feeling that I'm going to weep. How'd that happened? I did take my pill last night right, Hec dear?

**And forgive me because I have to use the following space to answer a particular guest reader's review. I couldn't PM this reader since the lack of account. And it's probably gonna be _very_ lengthy, so thank you guys for still reading the story, and see you next time :)**

* * *

><p><strong>To Infinite end:<strong> (I assume you'll read this, too lol)

It seems like I _did_ poke a hornet's nest lol. And actually, your reviews are already longer than some people's profile, so, firstly, the upper hand? Hmmm. Secondly, going in and dissecting things on a metaphysical level? My thing, too. Thirdly, yes, I noticed how your name works to provoke thoughts. And no, I didn't post it because you asked, well…it got me thinking, and then my inspiration came…not that I just want to answer the question—but it's good that it did.

Anyway. About intrigue. You think there's nothing special in your review, honestly? No, I didn't say it to replace the sentence 'I love it, please review!' I am very careful with words—they have lives of their own. And you're right about the 'real person' thing, even it's virtual and people don't get to see each other face-to-face, I think of all the reviewers as real person who got real life besides Internet. And I paint images (mentally) of every individual from their tones (of their words and shades—it's hard to explain, it's kinda abstract. And I'm more than just creepy to do that. Sorry.) and I got a rough outline of that person. And I couldn't help but find your reviews extraordinary—not just long lol. And again, it's hard to explain why. Oh how can it be fashion-wise? How d'I know about fashion? I dress like Raph (in my story) lol. Anyhow, in my opinion, being weird isn't weird, what scares us about being weird it's being alone because of being weird. (Oh my bad English.) And…yes, about shedding lights on Leo's personality—not only in that particular story. All of my stories are a part of me, I ain't pretending. I wouldn't write about things if I can't feel them-at least, most of them.

And if you really want to know about my competition, I can tell you one good thing about it and one bad thing. Good thing is: I get to be the first one to compete on my team, so if I win the match I can continue to fight the rest from the other team…and it felt damn good to wipe out another whole team while your teammates hung back and relax. Bad thing: we didn't win the tournament. But it's okay, my violent nature was satisfied. Sorry for being like an in/output system.

Now, is there anything I haven't said but intended to? I'll tell you when I think of them.

-Hec (What the heck's wrong with the name?)


	6. Chapter 6

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-Warning:<strong> This chapter contains **a) an OC** (Raph's boxing coach doesn't count!) and **b) adult contents**. I know I haven't really tried these two before, so...hmmm, probably no flames would be nice. Deal?

**-A/N: **I want to thank again for those who have kindly left their thoughts of the story-**InsaneDutchGirl, Raigon, Ngetal Child, Infinite end, LiL PriNCeSs Me, PrettyStarsInTheSky and guest!**

And though there's gonna be an OC, I promise that this character won't be as important as Raphie, Mikey, Casey and Angel in the story. It's just that its existence was kinda necessary, for now.

As for the adult contents. I personally don't think it's a threat (*now what does that mean?). It's nothing graphic, actually. You probably won't even know what I'm describing. Or maybe you will :p

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT! I want to visit the lair though...

* * *

><p><strong>6<strong>

The girls started their ballet lesson, and Raph sat there watching. Their movements were so graceful that they were actually like a flock of swan. He thought about what kind of bird he would be if he were a bird. _Falcon,_ he thought, _I'ma be a falcon._

He noticed a pair of legs—which actually belonged to the brunette, who just peeked at him. Their movements' were the most fluid. He watched them in amusement, and his thoughts traced up along her thighs. He felt his face became hot as he shifted on the couch, trying to hide his awkwardness.

"Whatcha starin' at?" His instructor—Jim's voice pulled him back to reality.

"Huh?" Raph jumped, "N-nuh, nothin'."

"Come here," Jim said. Raph got up and walked toward the windows, by which Jim stood and looked down at the streets.

"'S that yer brother out there?" Jim asked, pointing at a tall figure among the pedestrians. "That black hair fella?"

"What?" Raph narrowed his eyes. "What da hell's he doin' here?" he grunted.

"Ya ran away from home, again?" Jim smirked.

"You bet," Raph mumbled. "I'll go talk ta him, gimme a second."

"Take all the time ya want, son," Jim shrugged and smiled.

-O-

Leonardo always stood out in the crowd.

Well, it wasn't a crowd out there, but still there were a lot of passersby. Leo's dark, smooth hair was odd among the people, and his pale face was a contrast to his hair.

Yeah, Leo stood there like a perfect statue, easy and calm and all—but you'd know something was wrong and he was probably furious.

"Raphael," Leo greeted. _Okay, full-name bullshit. Leo's mad._

"Get the fuck away from here," Raph snapped.

Leo raised an eyebrow—Raph hated that expression more than anything, even more than Leo's goddamn smugness.

"I wasn't sure whether you'd be here," Leo said slowly, "It's good that you are."

"Yeah?" Raph crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Anyway," Leo said, reaching for his pocket. "I found this in your jeans."

"What?" Raph stepped forward, and took the phone from Leo's hand. "Whose phone is this?"

"I have no idea," Leo shook his head, "And I found this too, under your bed." He passed the little note to Raph.

Raph took and read it.

"Oh damn," he muttered, "That girl."

"Who is she?" Leo asked.

"Casey's neighbor," Raph grunted, "I knew she can't be any good."

"So what do you want to do with the phone?" Leo asked.

"I need ta think about this," Raph scratched his hair and sighed in annoyance. "But I got my lesson now, I gotta go back in there."

"Yeah," Leo nodded, "I know. You coming home afterwards?"

Raph's face darkened.

Leo sighed. "It's alright…You need me to keep that phone for you? 'Til the lesson's over? She said it could be dangerous?"

"Nah, I think it'd be a'right. They ain't gonna come and find it in broad daylight. And they don't even know where it is now."

"Maybe," Leo said, his dark eyes meeting Raph's, "Listen, Raph…"

"What," Raph turned his gaze away with a shrug, "Ya don't havta tell me how messed-up I am."

"I wasn't going to," Leo said, "Would you come home?"

Raph paused and bit his lower lip. He hesitated for a second, thinking about what he should say, and then spat. "Bye, Leo."

-:-:-:-:-:-

Leonardo watched as his younger brother ran back and disappeared into the building. He sighed and walked away. For a moment he thought maybe Raph was going to come home with him. But no curse, no shout, no fist. Just a quiet Raph. _Bad_, he thought, _bad_.

What was going on inside his brother's head Leo didn't know. He was used to his little brother's fits, violence and defiance. They infuriated him sometimes, but they were tolerable. What he couldn't stand was Raphael's _stubbornness_. Raph just refused to face his problems, or else he'd choose to face them alone. He pushed everyone away every time, and Leo just couldn't understand it. It would be so much easier if Raph just let others help him.

_So much easier, huh?_

Leo shrugged the thought off.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"I know you from somewhere," a voice said.

Raph looked up and saw the brunette. He was tying his shoelaces on the sidewalk just outside the studio. It had begun to get a little dark. He had no idea why the girl was still around—the ballet lesson had ended for a while.

"Your name's…Ralph, right?"

"No, it's Raph, short for Raphael," Raph explained like he had done for countless times before.

"Is it Spanish?" the brunette asked, "'Cause you know, you look—"

"No," Raph said, "I was named after the Renaissance painter, know 'im?"

"Yeah! Of course…and, sorry, I was rude," the brunette smiled sheepishly, "And…my name's Hazel."

Raph looked at her more closely and saw that she got nice teeth and a rather broad face for a girl—but she was still good-looking. She looked very healthy and strong, and tall, too—she was almost as tall as him. She got brown eyes.

"How d'ya know me?" he asked.

"We go to the same school," she told him the school's name.

Raph nodded. "Yeah, which grade you in?"

"I believe I'm a year older than you," she smiled, "It's gonna be my last year, after the summer."

"Oh," Raph muttered. _She's chatty,_ he thought.

"Hey, you know what, I'm starving," she said, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. "How about we get us something to eat?"

Raph's finger stayed on the worn laces of his sneaker, his eyes staring down at the pavement. He blinked.

"Yeah, sure," he quickly straightened himself, putting on a smirk.

"Every time after practice, I get so hungry that basically I can devour three cows," the girl smiled, and led the way.

-O-

"You took boxing lesson there, right?" Hazel asked, "Hey, take a bite on my burger. It tastes different!"

_What, it's just a burger,_ Raph thought, but took it from her anyway. _Hey, a girl wants him to taste her food—you can't say no to that._

_Why is the girl so nice to you all of a sudden, you sure you know her?_ Leo's voice emerged from the back of his head, _it won't hurt to just be a little more wary, right, Raph?_

_Shut up, Leo, you never take any step forward,_ Raph said to the imaginary voice, _that's why ya never have girls hitting on ya._

But it was true that he didn't recognize any familiarity in her. And as he stared her more closely, he found out that he could not tell what she wanted from him.

"Uh, yeah, it does taste good," Raph muttered, "Ya live around here?"

"Yeah, I live on the block, lousy place huh." she rolled her eyes. "I only started taking ballet lesson this year—I had to work part-time for the money. My parents said they were too expensive, but it's my childhood dream, y'know."

"Wow, you've only learned it for a year," Raph said, surprised, "I don't know anythin' about dancin' an' stuff, but it looked like yer doin' pretty good."

"Oh, thanks," she grinned, "By the way, what says on your necklace?"

"My what?" Raph looked down, and saw the silver chain with a little square metal piece hung between his collarbones. "Oh, it says 'Heijoshin'. It's Japanese, but written in _kanji_."

"Cool," she smiled, "You know Japanese? What does that mean?"

"No…it's my brother, he speaks Japanese." Raph said. Leo gave that necklace to him some years ago—he had not worn it for a long time; he had found it in the drawer and started to wear it again just recently. "It means…you have to keep your mind or heart steady under every situation."

"Whoa, your brother gave it to you as a present?"

"Yeah."

"I think I know him, too." Hazel said. "We have some classes together. But we never talked…never got any chance. He looks a bit cold. He's strict on you?"

"Nah…he's not always like that," Raph said, "He's just worried 'bout me, y'know, knowing me."

"You can't keep it steady?" she smiled lopsidedly.

Raph smirked, "Yeah, you can say that."

* * *

><p>"Whose sock is this?" Donatello asked, picking up a sock from the couch.<p>

Mikey stuck his head out of the kitchen and grinned. "Not mine, bro."

"Leo, is this yours?" Donnie yelled.

Leonardo came out from his bedroom and shook his head, "No, I think it's Raph's."

"Great," Donnie said, "You know how many pairs—oh no, not even _pairs_—of socks I've found in this apartment _this afternoon_?"

"Dunno!" Mikey exclaimed in the kitchen.

"Um, two pairs and twenty seven single lost socks!" Donnie cried, "Isn't that crazy? Only _a week_, gentlemen!"

"Ha," Mikey stuck his head out again, "Wonder if socks would start to flow into our way if we stopped this _socks hunt_!"

"No, we can't stop doing this. And Mikey, it's you who always yells about how your socks are disappearing and all!" Donnie cried.

"Hey," Mikey opened his mouth to protest, "I—"

"No," Leo interrupted, "Don't say _there are socks demons who feed on socks and would shoot socks-ball-bomb at people who discover their existence._"

Mikey grinned, "You're good, Leo. You know that?"

Leo rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know."

After Mikey went back into the kitchen and started to sing loudly his _'working rhapsody'_, Donnie flung the sock across the living room and stopped before Leo's way toward the kitchen.

"Hey," he said, "You met Raph, right?"

"How do you know?" Leo asked.

"Com'on, Leo," Donnie said, "I can't miss this kind of little trail if you guys insist on calling me _Genius_."

"Alright," Leo sighed, "I did meet with Raph."

"So what did he say? Did he apologize?" Donnie gestured Leo's shoulder with a tilt of his jaw.

"No, he didn't mention that…but it's fine, Donnie, maybe he just need some time," Leo said, "At least he still go to the studio, so if we want to find him, we can always go there."

"Are you alright?" Donnie frowned, "It's not like you to just…leave him alone."

"It didn't work, Donnie," Leo said, "Look at what happened last year."

Donnie sighed, "Yeah, you're right. But he'll still get himself into troubles out there, knowing him."

"Yeah, I know, I know," Leo said, "I'll keep an eye on him. Don't worry."

"I'm not worrying about him," Donnie said, "Well, a teeny bit probably. But I think he's really wrong this time. Leo, we have to…um, maybe send him to a doctor or something, you know? Something's wrong with him, and I suggest you to seek professional assistance."

"Donnie," Leo said, "Nothing's wrong with him. He's just the butthead we know…that's all."

"Well, I hope you're right," Donnie muttered.

"_GUUUYS!_" Mikey yelled from the kitchen again, "Dinner's _REEAADY!_"

"Coming!" Donnie yelled back.

Leo halted before the entrance.

_Maybe giving the phone to Raph isn't such a bright idea,_ he thought,_ oh, damn it._

* * *

><p><em>Okay, how come he ended up like this?<em>

Raph stood in the middle of the room, feeling strange and exited at the same time.

_"__I'll go fetch some drinks," Hazel had said and disappeared._

_Her parents weren't home and her sister was away on a trip with friends, according to her._

He sat himself down on the easy chair in the corner of the room, next to the bookshelf. For someone who talked so much nonsense, she sure read a lot. And they were no ordinary choice of teenagers like _Hunger Games_ or that series about some _Greek gods_, they were heavy books, like those ones Leo would read and enjoy. Yeah, what's a seventeen-year-old girl reading _Xun Zi_ for? And yeah, she had a whole set of Proust's _In Search of Lost Time_ (_Don't ask why he knew that, ask Fearless_). Did she really read them, or did she just use them to decorate her room?

Raph shook his head to rid the thoughts. But as the first track of thoughts fades at his mental horizon, another new train of memories came in the form of reverie.

_"__Wanna hang out?" she had asked, "No one's home tonight."_

_He wanted to say something gentleman-like, but his eyes betrayed him._

_"__Oh sure," she smiled, "You know, I got some stuff that can make you feel reeeal good."_

So he came home with her.

-O-

The world presented itself as upside down oblivion.

_How did it happen,_ he asked again.

"No, you got it wrong," Hazel said, "Try this…"

He sniffed.

"There you go, wait for a moment," she said.

"I think it's the alcohol," he giggled.

"Yeah, it probably is," Hazel smiled.

"Hey, d-did your parents name you Hazel…because y-ya got hazel eyes?" he asked through his giggle.

"It's one of the reasons," she replied.

"They are sorta…green-ish," he said, "Did anyone…notice that before?"

"No, you're the first one" she said. "By the way, your eyes are lovely."

"Lovely…my ass," he laughed, "Nobody said that before."

"Yes they are," she said, "Will you sit closer? I don't bite, you know."

"Oh yeah, sure," he grinned like an idiot, "My wish's yer command."

When he sat closer to her and their legs touched at the edge of the bed, his ears burned but he tried not to let his excitement show. She slipped a hand under his T-shirt behind his back.

"You know I-I always find girls wi' cold fingers distrustful," he slurred.

"Yeah, really?" she smiled, "Ya want another sip of whiskey?"

"Yeah, please," he said, "I finish half a bottle yesterday at my friend's, it's amazin'."

"Sure it is," she agreed.

She pushed him down and he lay there on the bed.

"Why do you read _Xun Zi_, huh?" he asked, "You must be bored ta death."

"No, actually it's not boring at all," she said, "He's got some pretty insights about human nature."

"Human nature…ha," Raph chuckled, "You're so smart, huh, one smart gal…"

"You're right about that," she smirked and he felt her icy fingers inside his T-shirt again. This time they slipped past his nipples and he shivered under the touch.

"Oh darn…" he said, "Where's the whiskey ya promised me?"

"You don't need it," she said, "You're already wasted, look at you."

"Huh," Raph laughed, "Y-yeah, yer…right."

She leant over him and locked him with her greenish-brown irises.

"Now be very silent," she said, "I want some music in the room."

He nodded.

She disappeared from his vision. Ten seconds later she came back and the room was filled with beats blaring. The music matched his heartbeat. She climbed back onto the bed and stayed on his top, gazing down at him.

"I thought you'd be one of those tough guys," she muttered.

"What?" he mumbled as she trailed her fingers along his sides.

His vision blurred—the drugs she gave him were taking effects. He tried to clear the clouds in front of his eyes, but they clung onto him stubbornly. It still felt amazing, though. He was right about doing something big and different. _This is definitely different. Big. And amazing…_

"Oh my God," she said as she leant closer and brushed her forefinger against his lips, "You're a virgin, right?"

He blushed and sat up, pushing her roughly aside as he spoke, "Shut the fuck up."

"Hey," she clutched his shoulder, "You're not leaving, huh?"

He sat there, confused. He wasn't sure about things anymore.

"Com'on," she said, "I'll show you."

He was dumbfounded. Totally bewildered.

She pulled his shirt off. As she tossed the clothes away, he leant in to kiss her. She put her cold hands on his shoulder and drew him closer. Their lips met again. She let him dive into her mouth and turned her head to a side so as to allow a better entrance.

He continued to explore her with his tongue, while being perfectly aware of the fact that one of her hands had started to unzip his jeans. Her fingers were so cold that they were almost inhuman. The coldness devoured him. He found himself gasping for breaths. His whole body tensed up and he thought everything is going to fall apart under that cold graze. So cold it made him shudder and quiver. But it was _good_…

"Like it?" she asked. He couldn't see her face now. It's too dark. He nodded.

"Thought so," she muttered.

_The world presented itself as inside out oblivion._

_Colors. Shades. Figures. He saw them inside his head. The sai in the wooden box. Mikey turning pale in the kitchen. Donnie avoiding his gaze. The plate hitting Leo on the shoulder. His father's green eyes and wide smirk. Colors brighter than ever…It's so amazing. The world is big and bright and amazing. Why didn't he see it like this before? Why did he wear that stupid necklace? Heijoshin. What the fuck does that mean? Leo and the necklace can go to hell. Fuck them all. It's so amazing that it's paralyzing him, making his limbs numb and filling him with joy. It feels so goddam good. It does. It does… __**It does…**_

-O-

The world presented itself as inside out oblivion.

He grunted as she drew away and chuckled. The mist before his eyes were gone and replaced by her impenetrable gaze—now more greenish than brown under the strangely glowing faint lights.

"My parents didn't name me Hazel because of my eyes. They never did, because it's not my name," she said, "Bye, Raphael. Nice to meet you by the way. I got the thing I need and you got what you want, right?"

She smiled and pulled away, and Raph saw the thing in her hand.

_The phone. The goddamned __**phone**__…_

_Why didn't he see that coming?_

She opened the bedroom door and someone came in.

"Do anything you want with him, Xever," she said, "Last time he knocked out Brad and broke Chris' arm. Don't go easy on him."

The guy that walked through the door was a tall, lean male with dark skin and scrawny legs.

"Sure," the thin man smirked, "Yer gonna report this to Mistress, right now?"

"Yeah," Hazel said, "I think I can take all the credit this time."

"Later, then," the guy nodded, turning to Raph, "Now, what to do with you?"

—End of chapter six.

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><p><strong>-AN:**

I'm horrible, right? I know! I'm so cruel to poor Raph. I just let him a) totally break down and hurt his family, b) have slightly suicidal thoughts, and c) be completely betrayed, in just three chapters!

So, yeah, something new. How was it?

And my evil OC. She's gonna be an antagonist in the story. Like her? :P  
>Well, I used to want to write about her in my other fic, but I decided it was a mere garbage and dumped it.<p>

BTW, I want to clarify, The Foot and The Purple Dragons are no ninja clans in this story-they are more likely just street gangs, and they are not under the same boss, namely, Shredder, as in the cartoons. (Did I say that before? I forgot) Well, the Foot is more clever since they are supported by big, evil company (sounding childish on purpose). And the Mistress Hazel and Xever referred to is...yes, Karai. But Leo and Raph won't learn anything about it in this story. Karai's real identity will remain a mystery to our human-turtle brothers.

Hey! BTW! I'm also on DeviantArt now, and I just posted a human AU kid Mikey and Raph drawing! So if you wonder what they look like in my head, go check that out ;) The web link's on my profile page.


	7. Chapter 7

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by ****TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-Warnings:<strong> Violence and cruelty.

**-A/N:**

**Thank you, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Happysays96, Infinite end, InsaneDutchGirl and Raigon for your reviews!**

I did something new in the last chapter, and I got all sorts of feedback from you guys! It really helped to hear your different thoughts and opinions! Thank you so much!

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT.

* * *

><p><strong>7<strong>

"It's too late, my son," Yoshi's voice roused him up from his contemplation, following that was a warm hand on his shoulder. "Go to rest."

"I'm all right, Father," Leonardo replied in a tired voice.

"You have been worrying about your sibling too much, Leonardo," the man said, "There is nothing we can do right now."

Leo looked up and met his father's concerned eyes. The living room was already empty, deprived of his brothers' presence. _How long has he been sitting here?_ He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost eleven now.

"But I couldn't stop, Father," Leo said, "This time, it's different."

"How so?"

"I…I can't tell. Something's not right with Raph."

"How about you, my son?" Yoshi asked. "How are you?"

"Me?" Leo raised his voice slightly, "I-I'm alright, Father. Really."

"You worries me, Leonardo," Yoshi said.

Leo frowned, "I'm fine, Dad, really am."

Yoshi stared at him for a moment, and then sighed. "If you didn't want to talk about this, I wouldn't keep asking you, my son."

"Thanks, Father," the eldest son muttered.

After Yoshi retired into his room, Leo sat in the living room for another long time.

What Donnie said bothered him. Donnie appeared to be…angry with Raph?

Strangely, Leonardo himself wasn't angry with Raph—even after that plate Raph had thrown at him. Actually, Leo had to admit that it kind of startled him: the plate, the assault, and the frustrated anger that seemed to come out from nowhere. It was familiar, but also different. Raph hadn't mean to attack him, unlike the time in the dojo—that time Raph really was aiming at him.

Nothing happened after Raph's failed attempts of trying to be a vigilante several months ago. Their days had gone back to normal. Raphael still skipped his classes like always, still got himself into fights now and then; Leonardo still lectured his immediate younger brother after the trouble was made, and they still butted heads on a daily basis.

But something had changed since then—no, this change had nothing to do with Raph being shot and shocking the whole family. This change was constant. It was always changing…. Always.

_You gotta be aware of things around you, Leonardo,_ a little voice whispered inside his head.

Leo humphed. The little voice was right. Had he been somehow distracted? By what? By his…newfound feelings for Karai? Or by school, by his own training? He had to admit that he seldom paid attention to Raphael except when Raph came into his way and annoyed him with his hotheaded, stupid behaviors.

He knew Raph often twisted and turned in bed during nights. Leo used to tell Raph how to shut down his thoughts when it was time to sleep, but his brother had troubles following his instruction. Leo always blamed Raph's impatience and lack of concentration.

Could he be wrong? Was it possible that Raph couldn't do so simply because he just _couldn't_?

_Come on, it isn't that hard, _Leo argued.

_No, it isn't hard __**for you**__. But your brother is different from you, Leonardo, _the little voice said again.

* * *

><p>The room was quiet for a while, and the man, Xever, looked at him as if he was some sort of interesting new toy.<p>

"I'll give you five seconds to make yourself decent, Redhead," Xever said to him, and then turned to the door. With a whistle, two heavyset men walked into the room. Raph managed to buckle his belt before the newcomers started to reach for him.

Raph struck the man on his left side. The man snickered and grabbed Raph's forearm.

His head spun due to the effect of the drug—now he suspected that what Hazel had given him wasn't solely to just make him 'high'. The man on his right side lunged at him and pinned him on the bed.

"Get off me you fucking goons!" he bellowed; his vision dimmed under the attack. It wasn't until some seconds later that he recovered his consciousness. And when he did, Xever reappeared in his sight with a mocking smile.

"I gave you chance, Redhead," he said, "Now put the shirt on." He then tapped the man, who was now pinning Raph down on the bed with his whole weight, on the shoulder. "Brad, get off him. Ya like him so much? I'll let you have him after I finish my business with him."

The man stepped back with a spat of disgust, still clutching Raph's wrists with an unbreakable hard grasp. "Hell no."

Xever chuckled, "Thought so, you fools. Watch the kid, he's more cunning than you thought. Let's go, fellas."

-O-

They got out of the apartment building hastily.

"Where ya takin' me," Raph asked hoarsely.

"Shut up, punk," Brad hissed, dragging him along the alleyway.

"Oh, it's a surprise," Xever said easily, "It wouldn't be fun if we told you. Drive," he tossed a chain of keys to the other man, who hadn't spoken a word after Raph struck his jaw. "Yer chin alright, Lou?"

Lou grunted.

"Then go drive the goddam car, don't stand there starin'," Xever snorted. Lou ran.

-O-

The ride wasn't long. Raph sat in the backseat with Brad, who had tied up Raph's wrists with a thick rope. As soon as Raph got up the car, they encased his head with a paper bag, which hung over his eyes and covered his sight—so he couldn't see the way.

The car smelt like gin and piss. Raph could tell it was an old car; he wouldn't call it a comfortable ride. The car bumped along the road and made him dizzy. The surreal feeling came back. How strange the night had been!

Finally, the car slowed down and stopped. The door opened and someone tugged his arm, tearing the paper bag off; Raph was dragged out of the car. It was another quiet alley, a place Raph didn't recognize.

-O-

Xever led them into a pale brown, old building. There was a lobby, and no janitor—though there was a lonesome desk with several screens displaying surveillance. They walked straight toward the staircase and started down the stairs, into the basement. It was dark.

Xever opened a heavy iron door, showing a dimly lit room behind. "Bring him in," he said to Brad. Brad grunted and pulled Raph into the room.

It wasn't a room. Raph blinked until his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The place had dark red lights, granting it an eerie, dangerous atmosphere. Now he saw that there was a bar on the right side of the room with a tall man behind it, talking to another guy, and several tables on the left side of the space. There were more than ten men in there, and they all stopped what they had been doing and turned to stare at Raph as the three of them entered.

"'S that the little prick Hazie talked about?" the bartender sneered. "Damn, you're quicker than I thought."

"You are right, Tommy," Xever said, "Lou, grab a chair. We have to make our guest a seat…can't let 'im just stand here, right?"

Lou dragged a wooden chair with arms to the center of the basement. Brad pushed Raph roughly into the chair and started to tie his forearms and wrists to the arms of the chair.

The other men gathered around him and talked to each other in low, whispery voice; they were laughing quietly, possibly, at him. It didn't surprise Raph, not at all, but only sent jolts of anger through his body—from deep inside his guts to the top of his throat.

"Give him a shot," Xever said to the bartender. "Now," he turned to Raph, "Let's talk, shall we?"

"What, yer speakin' ta me," Raph asked with a smirk, "Whoa, didn't realize dat, sorry pal. I guess I sorta smelt rotten fish an' it kinda distracted me…hey, is it you?—"

Xever kicked the chair and Raph fell down with it. "Watch yer mouth, Redhead."

His head was slammed against the hard, cold floor; and stars filled his vision.

Brad pulled the chair back to its place.

"Alright," Xever said, "Let's talk about the phone. What do you know about it?"

"I know nothin'," Raph said. It was a truth.

"Really," Xever said, pulling out a switchblade, "I'll try again. What do you know about it?"

"I said, I KNOW NOTHIN'," Raph barked. Xever struck his cheekbone with the handle of the knife.

"It was stolen from us, you Redhead, by a little whore with purple hair," Xever said, "You know each other, huh? You were there in the bar, and you broke my man's arm."

"I've never seen her before the fuckin' night," Raph tried to say it calmly, but the fire were welling up inside his chest. "I'm tellin' ya the truth. You stupid sucker."

Xever grabbed Raph's chin and forced him to meet his eyes. "How do I know if you're telling the truth?"

"You tell me, asshole," Raph spat, "How would I fuckin' know?"

"Guess I'll have to find out the answer myself," Xever said, and then kicked Raph hard in his groin. "Who's with you that night? What's the girl's name? What are you up to? Answer me, or I'll make you suffer."

"I DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW!" Raph roared. The following blows left him falling on the floor again. He could taste blood in his mouth, and his wrists were hurting under the pressure of the knot. And the world started to fade.

A cold splatter startled him and sent him back to reality.

"Such a pussy," he could hear Brad murmuring.

"Hey, kid, ya still there?" Xever's taunting voice asked. Raph opened his eyes.

"You will talk, Redhead," Brad said.

"Why should I," Raph said, "Yer not gonna believe me anyway."

"You liar," Xever said, "The girl and that other dark hair kid are your friends."

"Well, isn't that obvious," Raph said with a sardonic smile, "Yeah I'll just go ahead and sell 'em out."

"Oh, you will," Xever smiled, "You will…Lou," he turned to the quiet guy, "This is getting fun, get _the thing_ ready. Tommy," he called at the bartender as Lou turned to leave, "You ready, buddy?"

Tommy came and knelt down beside Raph. He was a man with long face. Reaching a glass toward Raph's mouth, he smirked, "It's vodka."

"I'm not gonna drink yer shit," Raph said.

"You better," Xever said, "C'mon, someone get the chair back to its feet."

A few seconds later, Raph was sitting rather comfortably—except for the parts that were being tied down, and except for the parts that were _hurting_—again.

"Drink it," Tommy said again and pushed the glass to his lips.

Raph shook his head.

Xever glanced at the men behind him. And Raph felt someone grabbed his head from behind, and another pair of hands forced his mouth open. The drink burned its way down his throat and the only way he could show his protest was the miserable gargling sounds he was making.

"I was wrong, my friend," Xever said, "Let's change the subject. Let's talk about…ah, Hazel. What do you think?"

Raph coughed and tried to spit. The liquid was inside him, and _God knows what that is. It could be poison, or another kind of crazy drug._

"What about her," Raph mumbled.

"Was it your first time?" Xever asked. Some other men laughed nastily.

"No," Raph said.

"Well, did you like her? I bet she's, uh, evil," Xever said. "I bet you just lay there and let her play you."

Brad chuckled, "I bet he's one a' those _gentlemen_ on a bed."

"Go fuck yourself," Raph snarled.

"Hey, what about that purplehead," Xever asked, "Do you fuck with her too?"

"I toldja I DON'T FUCKING KNOW HER!" Raph shouted.

"Whoa," Brad laughed behind Xever, "Little son of a bitch's got some temper, huh."

_Little son of a bitch_…and they were _all laughing_. _All laughing at him. Standing in a row._

Lou had returned. "_The thing_ is ready, Boss."

"Good," Xever said, "Untie him. Bring him to the back room."

-O-

Brad was on his right; Lou was on his left side.

Xever was leading the way.

The back room was even gloomier than the previous place. Raph could barely see a thing. His body felt sluggish, and it hurt to move. Brad and Lou's hands were hard and brutal on him, hauling him forward with effort.

And then Raph saw _it_. The _thing_. The massive thing that stood alone in one corner of the room. They were gonna tie him up, and…_and…_

"_No,_" he said.

"_Yes,_" Xever said, "Brad, please, tie him up."

"You fucking perverts," Raph hissed, "Yer fucking crazy it's nothin' but a goddam phone an' now you wanna pull some nasty trick on me…I don't even know ONE GODDAM THING!"

"It's not just a phone," Xever said, "It's an important business of ours, kid. And as for _the thing_…it's just my personal hobby."

"Yer sick," Raph snorted, and he heard noises—the men were gathering in this room, once more.

Brad pulled the rope from his pocket, his eyes glancing down—Just _briefly_, but enough for Raph to plan an escape—

And Raph reacted to the chance.

He knocked Brad on his nose—that oughtta disable him for a moment, and then turned to Lou, kicking him on his shin. The two biggest guys were down. Raph grabbed Brad's collar.

"IF ANY OF YA COME NEAR ME, JUST A STEP CLOSER, I SWEAR I'M GONNA STRANGLE HIM, **STRANGLE HIM**, YA HEAR ME?"

His eyes were wide and burning with rage. With rage and power he hadn't known that were inside him.

He kept his eyes on Xever, the head of the gang tonight stood there with a smirk plastered on his face. Fearless. And dangerous.

"You think I care about his life? His _stupid_ life?" Xever asked.

"You scums and lowlifes ya got nothin' ta live for," Raph forced his eyes on Xever, "I'll kill all of ya the first chance I got."

"I don't think you dare," Xever smirked, "My friend."

"Ha…," Brad laughed in Raph's arms, "I don't believe you either, you_ son of a bitch._"

_—__You son of a bitch. Don'tcha dare cry. You sicken me. Just like yer mother…Raphael, what do you know about distance…Raph, Raph…Would you come home Raph? But I can't…h-help you, … Come on, Raph, don't suddenly pretend like you give a damn, okay?...Rrrrrrraaaaph…_

_—__The man in the mirror snickered._

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Raph hollered and pinned Brad on the wall, starting to smash his face with fists. Brad's face was gone, replaced by the face of the man in the mirror. _Himself._ It became surreal, again. The touch. The flesh. The blood, and_ oh God, it felt so __**good**__…_

-O-

He lost it.

_He__** lost **__it._

It was like he was seeing through a plastic jar. The world was still there, but became unreachable. His vision was twisted; his limbs were out of control.

All he could feel was _rage_. _Rage_ in him. _Rage_ racing in his body. _Rage_ burning under his skin. No, it wasn't even rage anymore. It was like his frustration wasn't mere frustration anymore. It was similar, but totally different at the same time.

He observed from inside the plastic container—an imaginary restrainer, and what he saw terrified himself. It was a monster…if it were anything, it was a monster. It was inhuman in every aspect. It was a monster with green eyes and red hair and insanity. It was a puppet. _It was a…_

And the world crumbled into pieces as he ran toward himself, regaining the possession of his own body. Like a broken mirror, he grasped himself tightly, clinging to its core.

"_…__kiiling…_"

"Call someone!..."

"His killing Brad!"

"Get…away…"

"HE'S FUCKIN' **MURDERIN' HIM!**" A voice shrieked in horror, and Raphael finally stopped his movements altogether.

He looked down—between him and the wall lay Brad, Xever's sidekick, still, pale except for the parts that weren't covered in blood, and lame as a wreck.

"_Did he kill him?_" a frightened voice gasped.

Raph panted, his whole body shaking with terror. Adrenaline ran through his veins and the world spinning around him was gradually becoming steady.

"See? You're no better than us," Xever's voice whispered behind him.

Like a triumphant chuckle of the Devil.

—End of chapter seven.

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:**

I'm so so so intensely occupied right now. But I can't seem to do one goddam thing I oughtta be doing. So, yeah, I came back and tortured Raph. *Sad smirk*

I've had the next chapter planned. But the chapters beyond that are still unknown...I'm getting a little bit nervous on how this would end. It might end quicker than I expected lol.

And Leo...Leo would be an important role.

And oh my gosh I ran off from home the night before last night after a fight with my mom. (Paddled away, actually lol) And truth be told, it felt awful. (You know, after all these 'Raphie runs away from home stuff' I have been writing, ha!) I wanted to go home after the first five minutes, but my stupid pride prevented me from doing that. And I did the stupidest thing ever...I forgot to bring my earphones with me! NEVER RUN AWAY WITHOUT MUSIC! CHECK YOUR LUGGAGE! LOL!

And no worries now I'm home already. (Poor Raph is still wandering out there though...I'll bring him home eventually)

Until next chapter guys! See ya!


	8. Chapter 8

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by ****TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-Warnings:<strong> Brief ideas of suicidal attempts.

**-A/N:**

Thank you all for your reviews, I'm so glad that you seemed to enjoy the plot and worry for Raph. My gratitude goes to **InsaneDutchGirl, Happysays96, Raigon, Infinite end, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Blogger9999999, **and** three guest readers.**

And sorry about the delay and a short chapter. I got some excuses, (a) this is a moment, (b) I've been kinda unwell ever since I started writing this story, so now I'm drained out (but getting better at the same time), (c) I just finished my final exams.

And though my teacher isn't going to see this: You can go on and flunk me sir, I'm not writing that paper, not now, not ever. I'm not in the right mood. Papers can kiss off. Cheers!

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT.

* * *

><p><strong>8<strong>

_It had become so dark in the basement._

_He didn't know how long he had been inside the dark room. It was so long. He felt his collar became moist as the blood traced down along his neck. Must have been the wound on his forehead where the radio hit him. He got hungry, and frightened. He did not cry, though. He knew the man would laugh at him and beat him if he cried. (But the man was gone, right?) He walked about in the room, and ate the dry bread that was left on the table. He sat down on the floor. No one came to find him. The men never returned._

-:-:-:-:-:-

"_Get __**HIM!**_" suddenly someone screamed, someone who had finally come to his senses.

Raph panted, his fists shaking by his sides. His foot seemed to grow roots and attach to the ground. _Run…run…_

He turned toward the door. He successfully ran past a few dumbfounded men, but something hissed by his left ear, and when he shot a side-glance at his left side, he saw Xever with switchblades in his hands. He must had been throwing those knives at him.

"You are going nowhere," the man smirked.

Raph ignored him and kept his eyes on the door of the basement. Once he was out of the dreaded dark room, the light shone into his eyes and his heart leaped again with hope. He was just a few steps away from the door leading to the staircase, when the other big silent guy, Lou, caught him.

"You'll pay, punk," Lou finally spoke.

Raph gave him a good shove followed by a few quick punches with strength that seemed to come out deep inside him—strange, so strange. Why was there still strength left in him?

Lou fell back. Xever lunged at him.

Raph evaded the blades—only the blades he could see. But they dived quickly and swiftly, fizzing as they cut through the air. He didn't have a weapon; all he could do was escaping from them, and attacking Xever whenever there was chance.

He struck Xever effectively on his jaw. Xever grunted and smirked. And then the next second—

"_AAARGH GOD!_" Raph howled, falling to the floor. The pain in his arm was tearing him apart. He looked down, and saw that Xever managed to stab a switchblade through his forearm.

Xever lunged forward again.

There was no time to think. Raph reached for the knife that was still in his arm; it was the only weapon he could find, and—

Xever gasped.

He was barely an inch from Raph, and Raph could see the man's face writhed in pain.

He drove the knife into Xever's shoulder, deeper.

Raph panted as the man staggered back.

"You will pay," was all he said.

Raphael started to run again, but this time there was no one following him. He heard voices and footfalls, but none came near. He ran upstairs.

-O-

He couldn't remember how exactly did he run away from that chaotic basement and out of the building. It was all like a dream. Everything was just unreal—_his footfalls, Hazel's fingers around him, Xever's blade in his flesh, and that mixture of blood and meat that you can hardly call a face, Brad's face_.

And he just kept running.

He didn't know where his strength came from either. He just seemed to have them. The horror, and pain inside him somehow helped him to go on. _Is the man dead is he dead he's dead oh no he isn't oh God please don't let him die blame me goddammit is the man dead—_

He tripped and fell. Something cold surrounded him. Water. River. How had he come to this place again?

He climbed up to the riverbank and started to shiver. It was too cold. Too cold for a night in July. Too cold for Earth and for reality. It was a chill emerging from the depth of his fear. The fear of—

The green eyes fueled with deadly cold-bloodedness.

_No. It wasn't true. It was a dream…it was a…_

"Oh my God," Raph croaked and wiped the water with his wet sleeves. It wasn't helping. The river water mixed up with his tears and everything reminded him of the basement. _The basement._ The flying radio and his own fists. _How he murdered the guy—_

No, he couldn't be dead.

Or he _could be._

His arms trembled; he opened his mouth but no sound came out—exactly like a nightmare. But it wasn't one. It was all TOO REAL. His whole body started shivering with cold and shame. Hazel teased him with her tongue. How he liked that. How he liked the way she muttered to him _when he reached his—_

_Oh my God. I'm going down…_

He felt so awfully close to the water and it scared him. The river was black and it seemed to smirk at him, laughing at his weakness. _Yes, that's what you are…the Weak. A coward. You're no better than me, son, no better than your stupid mother. You'll never leave this fuckin' basement. You'll rot here. Miss your brother? He's better off somewhere else. Envy him? Sure, I understand. Gotta go now, kid. Raph, you always mess up. Raph, you're smart you just don't realize it. Raph, you want to get yourself killed? Raph, would you come home? Would you come home? Would you?..._

"I'm gonna crack," he muttered to himself, stepping closer to the water again. What if he tied a rock to his ankle—would he sink deep enough and long enough to drown himself? How heavy should the rock be? Or hey, maybe if he kept bleeding like this, he'd die. But he liked the idea of the river water. It was flowing and full of life, wasn't it? _Full of life, full of shit more likely. I'd laugh my ass off. Isn't there nothing else but litter in the river? You stupid fucking shameless pile of dirt. You think you're something? No, you're nothing. You're nothing but a failure. A defected. A stain._

Now they all came back and laughed at him. The voices inside his head reached a volume so loud that it was practically banging inside his head, knocking fiercely and drumming savagely. They were tearing him apart. Images, voices, scenes…, blended with colors that were too vivid and penetrating. Everything appeared at once and disappeared at the same moment, gradually building the pressure inside him until he wasn't able to take it anymore. It was so bright, bold as daylight. The river was glowing red, and the world around him spinning like a giant cylinder.

-:-:-:-:-:-

_"__You poor little brat," the red-haired man said, quite somberly. "Y'll never see her again."_

_The red-haired boy stared blankly._

_"__Y'know what I miss about her the most?"_

_The boy shook his head._

_"__Her smell. Miss yer brother?"_

_The boy nodded._

_"__Y'll never see 'im too. He's been taken away, by some, fuckin' social workers. Bet they'll find him some place nice ta live. But not you, not you. You and me, nobody wants us. We're like leftovers, but even leftovers gotta find some ways to live."_

_"__Brother," the boy said._

_"__He's gone, fuckin' gone with those damned social workers. Just forget about him. Gotta go on with our lives, ya hear me?"_

_The boy nodded again._

_The man chuckled miserably, lifting the bottle to his lips, "I wished they'd taken you too, but I changed my mind. Someone gotta stay with me, we'll suffer together. Someday y'll end up just as fucked up as me. An' man how I'd love ta see that. How I' love to."_

-:-:-:-:-:-

He started sobbing. The sound did come out after all. It wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't. And it was all so horribly true, so true that you couldn't change anything anymore.

His quavering fingers found his own phone in his soaked pocket. The screen was cracked, but it was still functioning. He dialed the first number that came to his mind.

It was picked up after seven long seconds, which felt like forever. And Raphael only hoped that his voice didn't come out too much like a whimper.

"_Leo…?_"

—End of chapter eight.

* * *

><p><strong>To Happysays96:<strong> No, I think you're right. Donnie should get involved. I've been having that idea lately, and I decided that he would step in at the right time, which will be later in the story.

**To Blogger9999999:** Yup! Karai is the Mistress they talked about. But Leo and Raph won't find out about that...probably, at least that's what I decided, for now. I know what it's like to be having so so so much going on, so you take care! And hope everything goes terrific with you! And thanks, I made up with my mom lol.

**-A/N:** Did anyone notice that I split Chris Bradford into two people? Chris and Brad lol. I hope the flashback (or delusion) wasn't too confusing.


	9. Chapter 9

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:**

I want to thank all the reviewers! First, the mysterious **Guest** reader (thank you so much for saying that, I was this close to weeping, you know?)**, Raigon, Infinite end, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Happysays96 **(Thanks, I'm so glad that things are peaceful again:)),** Blogger9999999, Ninja-ForceUser, InsaneDutchGirl,** and **mikeysgirl228,** thank you all so much for reading my fic. All reviews were very much appreciated!

It occurred to me one day that I've been babbling too much, so I'll try not to ramble as much as I used to. Okay, just this one little thing: this chapter (and the next) is probably the hardest chapter for me to write so far, in this story. It's like my muse's gone on a trip to Mars or like I'm swimming in a swamp with my laptop and trying to type.

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT-in this case, human.

* * *

><p><strong>9<strong>

Leo glanced at the framed photos that stood on the small shelf above his desk. His gaze lingered on a particular one among all the photos, showing him and Raph, two little boys as they were then, standing side by side on the hallway outside their apartment. In the photo, Raph was doing a gesture of '_shhh_' with a mischievous smirk while Leo, with hands stuck in his pocket, just smiling sheepishly.

Leo found that he actually remembered the day they took this photo. It had been a regular day of their summer vacation…before Raph persuaded him to do something really crazy—using the staffs in Yoshi's room as monkey bars. Of course, the staffs snapped, and he and Raph were punished. After twenty flips and fifty push-ups (those were quite challenging since he was only nine, and Raph was eight), they were sent out to the hallway and weren't allowed to have dinner until their brothers had finished. Donnie took the picture before Yoshi called them in. When they were little, the hallway was the place they were sent to every time they did something wrong. Leo remembered Donnie smiling and telling him that _'Leo looked great standing there'_, because Leo had never done anything wrong enough to make Splinter this mad.

Leo always liked the photo the most for reasons beyond him. Maybe it was because he and Raph had looked so…innocent in it, and they seemed like best buds in it, like they never actually fought and tried to rip each other's throat, or _never would_ in the future. The way Raph looked at him slightly in the photo was like…Leo was the best brother in the world. They could do stuff together, fun stuff, silly stuff, or…even bad stuff that would enrage Yoshi, but not bad enough that would change the order of the little world they lived in.

_But the little world was gone, wasn't it?_

He turned away from the photo and went to his meditation corner.

-O-

Leonardo meditated twice a day—once before the day began, and once before the day ended.

He meditated at the foot of his bed, where there was a little spot covered by bamboo matt. Each day started with meditation session; he would let his mind quiet down, until there was nothing inside. Thoughts came, thoughts gone. Nothing lingered. And when thirty minutes was due, he would open his eyes and found peace in his heart.

However, it was different tonight; there was no tranquility when the meditation was done, and Leo knew the reason behind this. The phone he had given to Raph kept coming back, disturbing his thoughts.

And now, as he brooded more on it, he became hesitant.

He was sure that he had overlooked something.

Suddenly he heard the faint vibrating sound of his cell phone. _How long has it been ringing?_

Leo stood up.

-O-

Sneaking out was never what he did best. To think about it, he had never snuck out before.

_Raph told him to come alone, but didn't say why._

Leo fastened the seatbelt after he had gotten into the car in a rush, and was somewhat nervous. _What is it?_

_'__Something's wrong'_ was screaming in the back of his head.

_Calm down,_ he told himself, _I'm about to find out._

But he was guilty. And he felt even guiltier when he understood that it was merely guilt that was bothering him. _Shouldn't it be Raph's safety that's been bothering you?_

Leo found it hard to control the wheels.

_What is it that has been missing?_

_I don't know_, he thought in frustration.

But it _was_ in the photo.

_It stayed there, and now it's gone._

_No it isn't_, Leonardo focused on the road ahead of him._ No, it isn't._

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

He threw the door open and, just as he had expected, found his brother tense like a statue made of stone, standing on the concrete embankment.

"What happened?" he ran toward him, demanding as calm as he could.

Raphael glared into a distance, face shielded under the lost expression mixed with rage and anxiety. There were blood on his face, his shirt, and his arms; he was soaked besides all that, which meant some blood had already been washed off.

It wasn't the first time Leo saw his little brother freeze up like this, but he had not seen it for a long time. The last time Raph became like this were…_three years ago, if Leo had it right_, and he thought that Raph had grown out of the habit.

"C'mon," Leo sighed, trying to put a hand on Raph's shoulder; Raph remained still and stiff. And when Leo scanned him to determine his injury, he found Raph's left arm still bleeding rather freely. Shaking off his jacket, Leo wrapped Raph's arm with it.

"Raph, don't do this," Leo said, thinking hard to remember how his father do it whenever something like this happened. "_Please_."

Raph's eyes were so empty with fury. Now Leo finally realized that it wasn't directing at him.

_It never was._

But he had never known it until now.

_What an idiot I've been_, his lips trembled as he endeavored to get the right words out.

"Um, I'll bring you back to the car a'right? If it's okay with you just nod."

He believed that Raph's chin dropped ever so slightly.

"Good," Leo muttered to himself, "Good, good…" He put an arm around his brother's shoulder and started to push him a little until Raph's feet moved.

"Good," he muttered again. And they made their way back to the car. It was a long journey; Leonardo clutched Raphael's shoulder tightly, whispered the words the whole time like a mantra—like he was afraid of what they might become of if his fingers loosened on his little brother. It was silly and not like him…not like him at all.

But Leo did not mind.

-O-

As soon as they returned to the car, Leo started the engine and turned the heater on to its max. He remembered that Mikey had always had a blanket in the backseat.

"You know where's Mikey's blanket?" he asked.

Raph shook his head.

Leo sighed and got out of the car to search for it himself. He found it under the driver's seat. With a grimace, he pulled it out and returned to the front seat.

"Lemme see your arm," he said, turning on the light above them. Raph didn't move, so Leo brought the arm to his lap and unwrap the jacket that tied up the wound.

"What's this?" he asked, his voice quivering a little as he trying to see the wound through dried blood, and fresh ones. "We have to go to the hospital, Raph. It's still bleeding."

Raph finally turned to face him.

"_No_," he said with an edge in his voice.

"Why not," Leo frowned.

"_They'll find me._"

"Who're _'they'_?"

"Those **_motherfuckin' goons_**," Raph blurted out, and Leo stopped him before Raph could open the door or break anything by pushing him back to his seat with all the might.

"Calm down Raph," Leo said, "Focus on your breathing. Try breath with me. Do it a bit slower…yeah, like this."

Leo drew back a little, making sure the savage look in Raph's eyes had reduced to a safe level.

"Could you tell me what happened?" Leo asked.

"Not now," Raph mumbled.

"Alright," Leo nodded. _Never fight with Raphael when he is like this_, Leo had learned that in a hard way. "We can't go to the hospital, not because you don't want to, but because…it's_ dangerous_?"

Raph nodded.

Leo moved Raph's wounded arm back to his lap, and started to re-bandage it with his jacket. Looking down at the bloody arm, he found his heart pounding like a drum with a rhythm so unsteady and unsettling. He was panicking. Yeah, he was. He was, finally, _panicking_.

"Let's go home," he said, tying a knot with the shirtsleeves of his jacket. "Let's go home first, father would know what to do—"

"**_And they'll all know how screw up I am, right? Is that what you want?_**" without warning, Raph yelled at his face.

Leo was stunned.

"No," he muttered quietly after two seconds of silence. "Raph, your arm…it's bad. We gotta do something about it."

"I don't care," Raph gazed down, "I want to be dead."

"Shut u—_don't say that_," Leo said, "dad won't be angry at you."

"How do you know?" Raph smirked. "Yer like his pet…Yoshi fuckin' loves you."

"He loves you, too, Raph."

"No he won't…not after this," Raph kept the wild smile on his lips, "You know what? Forget about this, Fearless. Just send me to a…to a station or somethin'. I shouldn't have called ya."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Leo felt his worry turning into anger as his voice rose up to a higher volume. "You were _stabbed_ by some…_gangster?_ What were you doing out there Raph? You didn't give any thought about that did you? And _you fringgin' called me_, now you want me to forget about this?"

"Yeah," Raph grinned widely, "You feel so good right? Cuz I screw up _again_, and you're here ta save the day, _as usual._"

Leo found himself unable to say anything.

"Listen, Raph," he tried once more, reaching out an arm and putting it around Raph's shoulder; the latter tensed up and tried to shove him off effortlessly. "This is serious, the wound on your arm. We have to stop the bleeding, we have to bandage it. Hell, we might have to stitch it. And you don't want to go to a hospital, now _tell me,_ where else could we go?"

Raph side-glanced at him. "You don't understand…Splinter wouldn't…he wouldn't…"

Leo frowned. "I'll explain it to him, he won't be so hard on you."

"No," Raph said, "you don't fuckin' understand."

"Raph…he knows you. He loves you more than you think."

"No, it's _not like that!_" Raph shook his head furiously.

"Then what is it?" Leo asked; the furrows on his brow deepened.

"_…__I think I killed a man back there,_" Raph heaved out a smothered sentence.

There was a suffocating moment of silence.

_Raph…a what?_

The strange smirk on Raph's lips was gone. Now there only left an empty, lost look, as if Raph was startled by his own words, too. As if things could worsen simply by uttering the truth out loud.

"Oh _fuck_, Jesus Christ," Raph cursed through his teeth, bringing up his right palm to cover his twisted features.

"…_Are you sure?_" was all Leo could ask.

"I don't know," Raph said, trembling. "He wasn't…_moving_. I didn't have time to check. They were cornerin' me and then this guy…this guy started to chase me with switchblades…I'm a…I_ lost control_," Raph was gazing at him in an almost painfully vulnerable way. Leonardo was set back by the return of the empty fury in Raph again—the anger wasn't directing at him. There was anger all along; Raph was angry with…_himself?_

"Raph," Leo muttered, watching Raph and tightening his fingers on Raph's shoulder.

"You're right about it," Raph said, and blinked away the tears blurring his vision. "I lost control…I…"

There was a blank, cold feeling slowly taking charge of Leonardo's mind and body. The feeling spread through his limbs, and when it reached his brain, he began to think. _Gotta do something about it. Gotta solve this problem. Gotta get us to safe place. Gotta help Raph. Gotta get that missing thing back…_

"I'm with you," Leo said, pulling his little brother closer. "I'm here, huh? With you. Whether you kill the man or not, Raph."

Raph looked up at him.

"I'm glad you called," Leo said without looking at Raph—getting feelings out was never something he did best, but to hell with it. Someone probably died, and he was glad it wasn't Raph. Now they just had to…

Raph stared at him. Leo dropped his gaze again as he saw that tears had started to mix up with the remaining dirt and blood and sweat on Raph's scared, battered face. And suddenly he felt like a little boy again. The order was broken, _the order,_ something that was hard to maintain, yet it had to be kept…

But the world was still there, it had gotten bigger, but it was still right there around them. _And sometimes you just gotta face it._

Leo tried to meet his brother's eyes.

"What about that bastard?" Raph asked, "What if the police comes? What if those goons're gonna hunt me down?"

"It's alright, it's alright. We'll think about that later," Leo quickly said as he patted the back of Raph's head, smoothening the damp, tangled hair as he was doing so. "And the man probably is still alive. Don't think about it right now, okay?"

Raph nodded.

"Don't think about it," Leo said firmly, and loudly—partly to Raph, partly to himself. "And gee," he frowned when he touched the cold skin on Raph's neck, "you're freezing. Here, take this," he handed Raph Mikey's blanket, "make yourself warm, 'kay? Let's go home."

And this time, Raph didn't protest.

—End of chapter nine.

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><p><strong>-AN:**

A Leo and Raph moment, hope you enjoyed it. I've been reading and re-writing those for far too many times now I don't have feelings anymore, so please tell me...did it work?

The old readers and new readers, just want to thank you again! Sorry that I couldn't reply to all of you, but your fav/follow/reviews have really given me a lot of encouragements, just thought I let you all know!

And special thanks to **Infinite end** for some pokings (never thought there's a thing called pokers/prodders block :p).

See you all!


	10. Chapter 10

**THE LONGEST SUNSET**

**by TJ HECTOR**

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:**

I've been lethargic, that's all. That's my lame excuse for not updating.

Thank you my dear reviewers! **InsaneDutchGirl, Guest, LiL PriNCeSs Me, Avatar Aang, Ninja-ForceUser, Raigon, Happysays96, Guest, **and** Infinite end**.

I'm so happy that you enjoyed the moment between Raph and Leo. But the problems remain...so we move on to the next part of this story...

(BTW, the song I quote, 'The outcast' by Dropkick Murphys, I thought it suits Raph's present situation in this story perfectly...)

(Hehe, it kinda surprised me when two of you mentioned Mikey's blanket in your reviews! Yeah, I thought that'd be sweet too...)

And we get to see Donnie and Mikey again from now on!

**-Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT-in this case, human.

* * *

><p><strong>Part Three<strong>

**Tumbling. And Through.**

* * *

><p><em>If they can make a law, then I can break a law<em>

_If I can break a law, will the law break me?_

_It comes tumbling down again_

_I can't comprehend_

_Is it destiny?_

_…_

_No place to call your home_

_Forever walk alone, as the world goes on_

_Forgotten by the ones you know_

_-:-:-:-_

_If I can make a life, then I can take a life_

_If I can save a life, will this life save me?_

_Time after time, I still seem to find_

_You're looking out for me_

_So wrap your arms around me, hold me close and don't let go_

_Let me lean on you as I think things through_

_If I don't we'll never know_

_—_Dropkick Murphys_, "The Outcast"_

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><p><strong>10<strong>

He felt kind of drowsy—he had started to feel sleepy when they were about five minutes to home. Leo told him to stay awake, stay awake, _stay awake_…and every time he said _yeah_. Could Leo just shut up for a moment? What's wrong with falling asleep? After what he had gone through that night, he was exhausted. It was natural if he wanted to catch some sleep, right?...

"We're home, Raph," Leo's voice by his side. "Can you walk?"

"A' course," he tried to sound nonchalant, but his feet gave out under him. Leo caught him.

"We just had to make it to the elevator, can you do that?"

"Sure," Raph muttered.

-O-

Raph couldn't remember how many times had Leo half-carried him through the front door of their apartment. Last year when Leo picked him up at the police station—that was the last time. And before that there was once that he suddenly got very ill in school, and then a couple of times in ninth-grade when he got into fights and hurt his ankles or such—he'd say countless times.

Had he ever done the same for Leo? No, Leo didn't need him. Leo was always neatly composed, always readied and calm, and never lost his cool.

But Leo was looking scared right now.

"Stay here," he told Raph, and lay him down on the couch.

"Where else am I supposed ta go?" Raph muttered.

"Stay awake," Leo said again.

"Yeah," Raph nodded with a wave of his right hand, "go ahead."

Leo glanced at him for the last time before running toward Splinter's room. Leo was worried. _Man, he was. Freaking out like a…_

-O-

Splinter was probably the least guy he wanted to see right now…well, he had ruled Xever, Hazel, and Angel out, he didn't have to consider them, right? Those were like, _hell no_.

Splinter…he knew how Splinter would look like…

The stern face he dreaded, the wrinkle around his mouth. Raph knew.

"Raph," a voice said, "Raph, you gotta wake up."

The voice wasn't Splinter's, but when Raphael opened his eyes, he saw his father's face.

"Raphael," Yoshi said, "are you still with us, my son?"

Raph blinked.

There was pure concern, and nothing else. Yoshi grabbed his shoulders and leant closer.

"Raphael?" the father called again, voice quavering.

"Yeah," he slurred.

"Are you feeling dizzy, Raph?" Donnie asked over Yoshi's shoulder.

"Yeah," Raph mumbled.

"It's the blood loss," Donnie told Leo.

"What do we do now?" Leo asked.

"Leonardo, we need some clean towels," Yoshi said, "Donatello, bring the medical kit to the bathroom. And Raphael," Raph felt a pair of arms around him, one hand under his left arm and the other under his knees, as Splinter picked him up steadily. "Raphael, tell me about your injury."

They started to head toward the bathroom.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say. "_I'm so sorry, Dad, I'm so—_"

"Do not apologize," Yoshi said; Raph could feel his father trembled a little. "Raphael, _please_, tell me. I cannot treat you this way."

"_Got stabbed…my arm,_" he mumbled.

"Did you break any bones?"

"D-don't know," his teeth chattered, "ribs hurt like hell. And pretty much everywhere else."

Yoshi sighed. They were in the bathroom now. Leonardo was there when Yoshi lay Raph down. He closed his eyes immediately after he felt his head was rested on something soft—Leo's legs probably.

"Don't move," Donnie warned, and Raph felt something cold brushed against his skin. He opened his eyes and saw his twin cut open his shirt with a pair of scissors.

"_Jesus Christ, the bruises,_" Donnie cursed. Raph glanced at him; the odd look on Donnie's boyish face was serious and a bit frightened. "How much does that hurt, Raph? Comparing to your arm?"

"Dunno," Raph uttered, "can't tell."

"That's a lot of internal bleeding," Donnie said, "we gotta—"

"No hospital, please," Raph almost jumped up, but Leo eased him down. "_C'mon,_ they'll be looking fer me. _Please,_ y'gotta believe me when I said that, Donnie, Dad," and he looked pleadingly at Leo.

"Raph's right," Leo said quietly after a moment of hesitance. "We have no other choices."

_Thanks, Fearless,_ Raphael heaved out a long breath. And suddenly his head felt light and the colors and images and memories were back again like some sort of attack—they took over his brain like a wild army, surging all over him and draining all strength that was left within his already limp body.

He started to drift off. Now he only hoped that Leo would catch him again when he fall into the darkness of an unknown land.

-:-:-:-:-:-

**[Later]**

"How's Raph doing right now?" Donnie walked into the bedroom with a glass of water in his shaky hand.

Leonardo was sitting on a chair next to the bed Raph was presently lying on.

"I don't know if it's only me, or is he a bit warm," Leo said, glancing at his frightened little brother, who still had the expression on him—_Donnie had to finish the stitching, taking turns with Yoshi_; it was obvious that the task had left some impact on the boy.

Donnie placed the glass on Raph's messy nightstand and laid a hand on his twin's forehead. "No, I think he's a bit feverish. But it's unlikely to be an infection, that'd be too soon."

Leo sighed. "What a good time to catch a cold."

"He's been sick for days," Donnie said.

"He hasn't said a thing about it," Leo frowned.

"Yeah," Donnie shrugged. "He thought it was a hangover. Oh by the way, we have to clean the bathroom up before Mikey wakes up, Leo. Can't let him see those blood."

Leo nodded and stood up.

"Donnie?"

"Yeah?" the younger brother answered.

"Why are you angry with Raph?" Leo asked softly.

Donnie looked down at his feet.

"I'm not angry with him, it's just…alright, I'm not supposed to tell you this but…" the mahogany-haired boy licked his lips, "Raph told me weeks ago that he's been having funny dreams again. The ones he used to have when we were younger."

Leo paused just before the threshold. "The red-haired man?"

"Not only that," Donnie said with a dark look, "the_ killing dreams_, too"

Leo glanced back at Raph's sleeping form on the bed. "He told you, huh."

"Yeah," Donnie said, "he asked if I remember anything about our parents. I mean, _biological_ parents."

Leo's brows furrowed.

"And he's been acting weird, he's temper…it's like ten-times worse," Donnie said, "haven't you noticed?"

Leo found himself shaking head slowly. _No, not until today._

"I just thought he might need some help," Donnie muttered. "If he could only let us help him, you know."

"You think he's losing his mind?"

"It's not that bad," Donnie said, "it's just that…the unresolved memories always come back to us. You know that, right?"

_Yeah,_ Leo thought. The photo of Raph and him standing on the hallway appeared in his mind again. Something lost. He needed it back. He had it back tonight.

_Hopefully._

-:-:-:-:-:-

Raphael woke up from where there were no dreams.

He was facing Leo's bed when he opened his eyes, and saw that there was a small hump under Leo's space-heroes covers.

"Leo?" he murmured.

"I'm here," said a deep, clear voice behind him. Raph turned toward the sound and saw Leo sitting on a chair next to his bed.

"Who's that?" Raph asked, gesturing Leo's bed with his jaw.

Leo sighed, "that'd be the Mikester. He fell asleep watching you and I carried him to my bed."

Raph felt unease traveling trough his veins. "What did you tell him? What did you tell _them_?"

Leo smiled weakly. "Don't worry…"

"You told 'em everything, right?" Raph rasped.

"_I said,_ don't worry," Leo said again.

"_Whatever,_" Raph closed his eyes. "Anything unusual happened?"

"No," Leo said, "everything's fine. Casey called. Asking where've you been. He's very worried. I told him you got hurt badly and he should stay alerted, too."

"Thanks," Raph said roughly.

Leo stared down at him, "it's about the phone, huh?"

Raph smirked bitterly, "you bet."

"Are you alright?" Leo asked, "is there pain or anything?"

"Hurts…all over," Raph tried to shrug, which only caused more pain. He remembered being kicked around like a ragdoll. Yeah, he _so_ remembered it. _Goddam Xever, what an ass. Bunch of motherfuckers…and Brad's smashed face…no, no. Don't go there. Not yet. Not yet…_ "And dizzy."

"You need to drink some water," Leo said. "You've lost a lot of blood. We've been trying to wake you up, to get you to drink something."

"How long have I been out?" Raph frowned.

"Almost…" Leo glanced at his watch. "Twenty hours."

"Fuck," Raph bit his lip.

"You needed rest," Leo said, "I'll go get you some herbal tea."

The moment Leo was gone, he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

-O-

"Hey Raph," someone was shanking him, gently, like rocking an infant. "You gotta wake up. You have to drink something."

"No," he muttered.

"Raph, I don't have an IV drip, you'll become weaker if you don't wake up and have something in your system."

He opened his eyes reluctantly and saw Donnie.

"Alright," he sighed.

Donnie sat down next to him and stuffed two more pillows behind his back.

Holding a cup to Raph's mouth, Donnie said, "be careful, it's hot."

Raph sipped the tea and swallowed. Donnie pulled his own legs up to the bed so that he was settling down next to Raph.

"I felt so fuckin' weak," Raph said after taking another sip of the herbal tea. "An' cold."

"You're running a fever," Donnie said, blowing on the tea so as to cool it a little bit.

Raph looked at Donnie's profile.

It was strange looking at your family—they were so familiar that sometimes you wouldn't notice small changes on them. But once you realized that they'd changed, it was hard to make it up to them for something shitty you had done. _But still, you gotta do it. Apologize, like a good guy. Apologize. Go on, Raphie._

"Hey, I'm sorry about that night, and last night," Raphael said lowly.

Donnie didn't reply. Of course, it was hard to forgive what he had done.

"You know…" Raph tried again, "I hate it."

"You hate what," Donnie asked, "you hate to lose control?"

"…Yeah."

"But you never try to do anything about it."

Raph felt anger smoldering slowly inside his stomach as the injustice of his brother's words stung him.

"How do you know?" he retorted.

The sudden force in his voice startled Donnie, who turned around to face him in surprise.

"Yer not me," Raph said.

Donnie's mouth opened, but closed instantly as if the words vaporized right there on the tip of his tongue.

"…Maybe," the thinner boy said after thinking for a brief moment, "but you're not me, either. You don't have to stitch up a hole on your own brother's arm and worrying crazy about the possibility of an infection…_you know what, _I don't want to argue with you."

"Me neither," Raph said. "Hey, pass the tea?"

Donnie held the cup to his twin's lips again.

"I'm an asshole," Raph said after he swallowed, "I know you've all been doing me a great favor just by letting me live under this roof."

"Raph," Donnie said, "I said you don't understand what I've been going through, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you to be my brother."

"Huh," Raph grunted offhandedly.

"Yeah, I mean it," Donnie said, "I don't know why you couldn't trust us more and tell us more about…the things that's been bothering you, you know, if there's _any_."

"I trust you," Raph said, looking into Donnie's eyes.

They stared at each other. Donnie's eyes were soft, but still distant. _Maybe he won't understand,_ Raph thought.

_The truth is, he wanted to tell Donnie._

Donatello studied his brother's eyes, which were half-hidden under heavy bruises and swollen skin.

"Then what is it?" the younger twin asked.

"I don't know," Raph said with reluctance after he took the last mouthful of the tea and emptied the cup. "I don't know…there's too many of them, Donnie."

"I guess these can wait," Donnie said, "if you tell us, we can sort them out."

"Maybe," Raph shrugged. "Now I just wanna sleep."

"Go ahead," Donnie said, supporting his head while removing the extra pillows behind his back. "We'll wake you up later, and maybe you can try to eat some oatmeal then. You've been throwing up the whole morning."

"I don't remember anything about it," Raph muttered.

"Yeah," Donnie smiled slightly, "every time we tried to feed you something, you threw up. You weren't completely conscious then. Glad you're awake now."

"Hey Donnie?" he asked when Donnie stood up from his bed.

The younger twin stopped and looked at him.

"I think I know who the redheaded man in my dream is."

Donnie's brow knitted together.

"Who is he?"

"Our father," Raph said.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Donnie had gone to the lab. Yoshi was in the middle of a long meditation trance and hadn't shown up yet. Leo was sitting by his bed again.

_And Mikey wouldn't see him._

"He's very upset," Leo sighed.

Raphael's eyes moved from the empty bowl of oatmeal on the nightstand to the floor, where Mikey's blanket (_which had become bloodied_) from the car lay.

"The kid's seen me got shot," Raph said.

"Raph," Leo said wearily, "that's exactly why he couldn't take it."

"So, what's he doin' right now?" Raph asked.

Leo glanced at the door. Both he and Raph could hear the faint sounds of _Crognard the Barbarian_, Mikey's favorite cartoon, coming from the living room.

"He's watching TV," Leo answered.

_That's not what I meant_, Raph frowned.

"Stupid spoiled goofball," he spat.

"He'll come around," Leo sighed.

The room became silent once more. Raph stretched his right arm out of the covers and pulled the blanket up.

"Still cold?" Leo asked.

Raph nodded, and let Leo take his arm and put it back into the warmth of his sheets.

"Tell me what happened last night," Leo said as he tucked Raph in. "So it has everything to do with the phone that girl…what's her name...slipped into your pocket, right?"

"Yeah," Raph said. And it also has something to do with his stupid libido, his fucked-up dreams, and his frenzied temper.

Leo sat back into the chair, his expression serious and calm. _Waiting_.

Raph licked his dry lips and began to tell Leo everything.

-O-

It was an hour later that Leo stepped out of the bedroom and joined Mikey on the couch. Raph had gone back to sleep.

They had been watching a wrestling game in silence, when Mikey suddenly spoke.

"I heard what Raph said to you, Leo."

Leo glanced at the youngest brother. "Eavesdropping?"

"Mmm-hmm," Mikey said.

"You really are good at those stuff, right?"

"Yeah," Mikey smiled faintly.

"So what about it?" Leo asked.

Mikey said hesitantly, "You think those bad guys gonna come get Raph?"

"I don't know," Leo replied with honesty. "Probably."

"Ya think they know where we live?"

"I'm not sure about that either," Leo said, "Raph said the girl who stole the phone from him takes ballet lessons at the same gym he has his boxing lessons. So maybe the girl recognized him there, not followed him there."

"I hope you're right," the youngest Hamato said quietly.

"I think Raph wants to see you, Mike," Leo sighed.

"Yeah," Mikey said flatly.

"But you've been worried about him."

"He's getting better," Mikey said.

"I still think he'll be happier if you just…show up in his room."

"_Leo,_" Mikey said suddenly with a shift of tone. "_He tried to kill a man._"

Leonardo couldn't help but look at Mikey, the latter's expression was somber and unusual.

Yeah, he had tried to forget about it, but he couldn't. The thought of his little brother pummeling a man's head was too much to bear…he could easily imagine the savage look on Raph's face, and those powerful fists flying and landing on a stranger's face.

"Why would he do that?" the younger boy asked with a pale face.

"He was…" Leo breathed, "he was _scared_, Mikey."

Mikey blinked, and Leo saw that he was struggling with tears. Mikey was frightened, of course. Donnie was, too. Yoshi? Maybe, since he was still in his room, meditating.

_I am scared_, Leo thought, _yeah, I'm too._

"Y'know," Mikey said croakily, "I thought maybe I could stop him from leavin' home that night. I thought maybe…maybe I could talk him out of it."

"It's not your fault, Mikay."

"So it's Raph's own fault?" Mikey asked, "Wouldn't it be too much to bear?"

"Well," Leo put a hand on Mikey's thin shoulder, "I don't know if it'd be too much, Mikey. And sometimes…sometimes a mistake isn't solely one person's responsibility."

"I wish I could help him," Mikey said, clenching his fists, "I wish…I wish I could just do something about it."

"Me too," Leo sighed. "Me too."

"But I kinda don't know how to face him right now," Mikey said, looking down. "He just makes me…angry."

"I get it," Leo said, "I'm sure he'll get it, too."

"Yeah?" Mikey looked at him closely.

"Of course," Leo smiled, "it's Raph. Everyone knows that he spoils you to death."

Mikey grinned slightly. It was not the bright beam Mikey usually had, but somehow it warmed Leo's heart more than ever.

"Are you hungry, Leo?"

"A bit," Leo said.

"I can heat up some leftover," Mikey said.

"Maybe later," Leo said, wrapping an arm around Mikey as the latter snuggling closer to him.

Mikey rested his head on his big brother's shoulder. He couldn't help but think about another big brother—the one that promised him that he would try hard to stay away from troubles yet was in all kinds of trouble again, _big time_.

—End of chapter ten.

* * *

><p><strong>-AN:**

I wrote this song today, and The Longest Sunset popped out, and just kinda occupied my entire mind. So...yeah, it's a song inspired by this story. Oh well, it's not like a _theme song_...but I just thought it would fit these two chapters and the ones to come. It's called 'The Sun Goes Down'. I don't usually write/sing gentle pop songs like this but WHAT THE HELL! *flush and run away*

If you're interested, the link's on my profile page (in the bottom). Please forgive me if I got some slight accent (cuz English's not my mother language you know), and my voice doesn't usually croak that much (I'm too spent lately)...but anyway I think it fits the song!

Bye then!


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Ninja Turtles, Family, Friendship