Batman Begins/Dark Knight 1. Chapter 1

A/N: how I think the ferry scene should have gone and my thoughts on what the characters are saying and doing….. hope you enjoy……… parody……. Please take into account that I am writing exactly what they say but just interacting and making them say stupid things in later chapters…. Also take into account that if you flame me I will flame you back…. And I can make it worse……..R&R :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dark knight, the joker, batman or Heath Ledger (though I wish I did)

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What should have happened on the ferries

Random civilian : hey man that aint right we should be on that boat.

Police officer: you want to ride across with them be my guest.

Ferry 1: lights go out

Civilians look around like the idiots they are

Ferry 2:

Stupid dude: sir they've stopped their engines

Other stupid dude: Right get em on the radio and tell em well come back and pick em up once we dump the scum-bags

Radio dude: liberty this is spirit come in (pushing button repeatedly)

Random dude: The heak was that? (power loss)

Radio dude: Liberty come in please ( still pushing button repeatedly)

Batman:

Batman: Fox there's something going on on the ferries

Ferry 2:

Random dude: get down to the engine room now

Engine dude: Capitan we got a hundred barrels down there rigged to blow (coming back from engine room)

DEVIL13: really? You counted them

Engine dude: no I just guessed…. And this… (holding out orange wrapped thing with a purple ribbon)

Ferry 1:

Officer: (unwraps their package)

Ferry 2:

Capitan dude: oh my god…

Random dude: looks like some kind of detonator

DEVIL13: thank you stater of the obvious

Capitan dude: why would they give us the detonator to our own bomb

DEVIL13: "They" wouldn't dipshit..

Capitan dude: (glares at DEVIL13)

DEVIL13: you know I control if you spontaneously combust or not?

Capitan dude: (backs away slowly)

Joker: (over intercom)*ahem* tonight your all going to be part of a social experiment through the magic of diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate I'm ready right now to blow you all sky-high…

Capitan dude: liberty come in over (pushes buttons) its dead..

DEVIL13: no shit again with the stating of the obvious..

Capitan dude: (refuses to even look at DEVIL13)

Joker: (continues) anyone attempts to get off their boat you all die..

Fox: (in batman's head) I'm zeroing in…

Joker: each of you has a remote to blow up the other boat…

Fox: (in the R&D) his voice is on the ferry but that's not the source…

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CLIFFHANGER (if you were stupid enough to not watch the movie) don't hate me but the fact that its 1 in the morning might allow at least some leniency to how and why you want to kill me….. I'm tired so if I made mistakes please let me know… smart ass remarks do not counts as mistakes… and I will use whatever fucking format I want damn it… just get used to it…


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: ok chapter 2 boredom got the betterof me so I did another chapter any way ……. special thanks to **poeismyhero **for sheer awesomeness and ability to make me want to write more so enjoy…………… HAHAHAHA

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dark knight, the joker, batman or Heath Ledger (though I wish I did)

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**Fox: (in the R&D) his voice is on the ferry but that's not the source…**

**Joker: at midnight I blow you all up if however one of you presses the button ill let that boat live. So who's it gonna be? Harvey Dent's most wanted scum-bag collection or the sweet and innocent civilians? You choose. Oh and you might wanna decide quickly because the people on the other boat may not be quite so noble… (Squeal of intercom)**

**Both Ferries: confusion**

**Ferry C: **

**Random civilian: (stands up)**

**Officer: stay back**

**Bastard: wait now who are you to decide we aughtta talk this over at least**

**Woman: we don't all have to die those men (pointing to other boat) had their chance**

**Officer: we are not gonna talk about this**

**Bastard: why aren't we talking about it**

**Other random civilian: they're talking over the same exact thing on the other boat**

**Random civilian: let's put it to a vote…**

**Ferry S: General confusion**

**Random officer: (shoot his shot-gun)**

**Ferry C:**

**Another woman: we don't have time for paper ballots..**

**Officer: I want everybody to put their vote on this piece of paper (tosses said paper to the civilians)**

**DEVIL13: random thought but… he has a very small piece of paper that he throws out to the people. How do they all get their votes on that paper?**

**Officer: if anyone's got pens pass it along**

**Random officer: (collects votes and puts them in his helmet)**

**Bastard: (writes quickly then hands in his vote)**

**Officer: we need to get these votes in quickly… **

**Other random civilian: (can't decide what to put)**

**Ferry S: more confusion (close-up at clock 17 minutes)**

**Ferry C:**

**Random dude: the tally is 140 against 396 for…**

**DEVIL13: they can really fit that many people on one deck that ferry?**

**Random dude: I think they just made up the numbers to sound cool**

**DEVIL13: ok whatever**

**Bastard: (nods approvingly)**

**Woman: (looks scared)**

**Ferry S:**

**Scary looking dude: (sits there)?!?!**

**DEVIL13: what the hell did they put that in for? The seconds it would take to look at him?!?**

**Ferry C:**

**Black lady: so go ahead... do it**

**DEVIL13: no I am not racist its just that she is black**

**Random dude: we're still here (pause…) that means they haven't killed us yet either…**

**DEVIL13: that idiot!!! Youd think he would know that if they haven't killed them yet and he's not gonna kill them they still have a fucking chance to still kill them? And then take the fact the Joker said he would kill them both at midnight!! BAD REASONING ASS-FACE!!! Ok I'm calm now… moving on..**

**Ferry S: **

**Scary looking dude: (gets up)you don't wanna die but you don't know how to take a life(raising his eyebrows) give it to me. These men will kill you and take it anyway…**

**(close-up of clock 2 minutes left) **

**Ferry C:**

**Bastard: no one wants to get their hands dirty. Fine I'll do it. (gets up) those men on that boat they made their choices. They chose to murder and steal. It makes no sense that we should die too. (grabs detonator)….**

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NOTHER CLIFFHANGER (again if you were stupid enough to not watch the movie) but then again you don't know how and what I'm going to do HAHAHA


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Chapter 3 YEAH!!!!

A/N/N: I call it Ferry C and Ferry S for Ferry Civilians and Ferry Scum-bags just an FYI

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dark knight, the joker, batman or Heath Ledger (though I wish I did)

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**Ferry C:**

**Bastard: no one wants to get their hands dirty. Fine I'll do it. (Gets up) those men on that boat they made their choices. They chose to murder and steal. It makes no sense that we should die too. (Grabs detonator)….**

**Abruptly switches to Ferry S:**

**Scary looking dude: give it to me (pauses…) you can tell them I took it by force. Give it to me and I'll do what you shoulda did ten minutes ago...**

**Dude with detonator: (hands detonator to Scary looking dude)**

**Scary looking dude: (promptly throws it out the conveniently open window) **

**Everyone else: (looks on in horror)**

**Scary looking dude: (walks back to his seat)**

**DEVIL13: now why you do that? Loser face**

**Ferry C:**

**Bastard: (holds detonator about to turn the key………….)**

**DEVIL13: are you on the edge of your seat yet? I'm mean I know… hence the name DEVIL13**

**Bastard: (still holding detonator)……………. (Puts it back in the box)**

**Pruitt building:**

**Joker: (pissed off expression looks at clock MIDNIGHT!!) **

**Batman: (really distorted voice) what were you trying to prove? That deep down everyone's as ugly as you?**

**Joker: (chucks lead pipe)**

**DEVIL13: lead cuz I say it lead got it?**

**Batman: you're alone**

**Ferry S: (minute after midnight) look at each other like "holy shit the Joker was wrong"**

**DEVIL13: one thing people might not take into account that the Joker's watch/clock might be a little slow? Honestly why would anyone think the Joker lied. He just twists the truth.**

**Joker: can't rely on anyone these days. You've gotta do everything yourself. Don't we? That's ok I came prepared… (Fiddles with detonator) it's a funny world we live in. speaking of which… do you know how I got these scars?**

**Batman: no but I know how you got these… (Fires stupid technology armband thingy)**

**DEVIL13: asshole.. I hate you Bathman…**

**Batman: what did you call me?!?!**

**DEVIL13: Bathman**

**Batman: why?**

**DEVIL13: you know in the beginning area of the movie that one dude that was eating in that café thing with whats-his-face. He called you Bathman… I think its funny…. HAHAHAHAHA (imitation Joker laughter)**

**Joker: (gasps)**

**Batman: (throws Joker over the edge of building)**

**Joker: HAHAHAHA (insane laughter)**

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You still don't know how I'm gonna blow the ferries HAHAHAHAHA use your imagination for the next few hours or more. Until I decide to update again…………


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Chapter 4/ end sad days oh well enjoy the rest of my story….. R&R

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dark knight, the joker, batman or Heath Ledger (though I wish I did)

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**Batman: (throws Joker over the edge of building)**

**Joker: HAHAHAHA (insane laughter)**

**Batman: (shoots grappling gun thingy)**

**Grappling gun thingy: (wraps around Joker's leg)**

**Joker: (abruptly stops falling) (gasp)**

**DEVIL13: don't you think that would hurt at least enough to get an "ow" out of the Joker?**

**Joker: (addresses Batman) ah, ah, ah, oh, you, you just couldn't let me go could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immoveable object. You truly are incorruptible aren't you? Huh? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self righteousness and I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. (Addresses DEVIL13) And no I don't say "ow."**

**DEVIL13: you just did *smiles smugly* **

**Joker: oh fucking…**

**DEVIL13: Hey! No swearing! *cracks up laughing***

**Joker:………..ok… (Addresses Batman) I think you and I are destined to do this forever.**

**Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.**

**Joker: Maybe we could share one. You know they'll be doubling up the rate this city's inhabitance are losing their minds.**

**Batman: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.**

**DEVIL13: Dude lighten up!! And do something about your voice. I could lose my mind just listening to you speak.**

**Joker: Enough of this shit!! (Pulls detonator from one of his many pockets)**

**DEVIL13: How many pockets do you have in that thing???**

**Batman: WTF!!!!!!**

**Both Ferries: (blow up in a very overly-dramatic, slow-motion kinda way)**

**Joker: (laughs hysterically)**

**DEVIL13: (with wide eyes) I LOVE YOU JOKER!!!!!!!**

**Batman: (sits and stares in disbelief)**

**END!!!**

YAY!!!!!!! I finished it…{: does anybody even care?? Oh whatever……… REVIEW OR DIE!!!!!!!


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Batman Begins/Dark Knight, Crime, Parody