StarCraft And the Outakes keep on coming!!

Hello, hello, hello, Dark's back, and I'm gonna make another attempt here to humor you!! (starts banging head on desk, trying to think of any ideas) Oh, I know...

Behind Scenes II -or- Outakes 6? (I just don't know anymore!!)

By: DarkPaladin

||Scene 38: To Answer Bob the Insane's Review||

(Scene takes place sometime during an author's series. [you pick] 

Raynor, Inf. Kerrigan, Artanis [dazed], Tassadar, and a couple other 

fellows were all sitting around, drinking their coffee. [beer, wine, 

and any other type of fluid they would drink as well] In front of Inf. 

Kerrigan, Raynor, and Tassadar is a fairly large man, with long brown 

hair, styled like a mop-top, that covered his eyes. Beside him was a 

young teen girl with a gold baseball cap over her long blue hair)

DarkPaladin- "[mop-top man] ...And that's what is going to happen with 

my 'Slayers' fic. Hopefully I'll be able to finish it..."

Raynor- "Which probably be never, Dark..."

(DarkPaladin droops and sighs, the girl giggles beside him.)

Tassadar- "So who's this girl beside you?"

DarkPaladin- "Oh, I forgot to greet you. Kerrigan, Raynor, Tassadar, 

meet Tobi, she's a good friend of mine..."

Inf. Kerrigan- "And what kind of friend is she..."

DarkPaladin- "[stares blankly for a second, then holds out his hands 

in front of himself] No, no, no!! I don't do phedophilia... (don't know how to spell that)"

Inf. Kerrigan- "[wicked grin] Sure you don't, Dark..."

DarkPaladin- "[glares at Inf. Kerrigan, then shudders] .........Anyway! She's here for the part I put her in for the next 

story I'm going to start!"

Tassadar- "And most doubtedly never finish..."

(DarkPaladin droops again as Tobi steps forward)

Tobi- "It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm such a great fan of all of you!!"

Raynor- "(shakes Tobi's hand) It's a pleasure to meet you too."

Inf. Kerrigan- "We should give you a tour of our little domain (waves hand around the relitively large set made for Starcraft) though there is really not much to see..."

DarkPaladin- "That'll be a great idea, Tobi needs to see the surrounding area and..." 

(DP turns to see man on little motorbike ride over to him)

Mailperson- "DarkPaladin..."

DarkPaladin- "Yeah..."

Mailperson- "Mail"

(Mailperson hands DarkPaladin a rather large box, then rides off into the distance.)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Wow, it seems you have an admirer..."

Raynor- "Who's it from?"

DarkPaladin- "It's from that fellow, Bob the Insane..."

Tassadar- "Why did he send you a box?"

DarkPaladin- "(Muttering) I think I know what it is..."

(Just as DP finishes his sentence, Dugalle and Alexi (the ambiguously 

gay duo) walk in)

Dugalle- "Hey!! Isn't that the hunk DarkPaladin?"

Alexi- "Yeah, it is! (walks over to DP) He isn't really cute, but he 

has a nice ass!"

DarkPaladin- "[steps away] Hey!!"

Dugalle- "He's cute to me!! Let's take him home!" (grabs for DP's 

arm)

DarkPaladin- "(steps away again) Actually, I got a better idea..."

Alexi- "Yeah, what's that!?"

(DarkPaladin opens the big box [the open end towards the two] a 

big, rabid hydralisk pops out and attaches its mouth on Dugalles hand, 

Dugalle screams and runs away, Alexi following not far behind...)

Raynor- "[walks up beside DP] How'd you know Bob was going to send a 

rabid Hydralisk at you?"

DarkPaladin- "Cause he threatened me before I could send another 

'Behind the Scenes' story..."

Raynor- "Oh..."

(Everyone peers back at where Dugalle and Alexi once were, shrugged, then went off to do their own thing)

||Scene 39: Why Artanis is Dizzy||

(This will finally answer this question)

(Scene takes place after the author Tassadar's third MST {the one with Tass/Raynor/Artanis vs. Byl Glinka} Inf. Kerrigan, Raynor, Tassadar, Zeratul, and Duran are all walking out of the set of the 'Battlecruiser of Love.')

Raynor- "Wooo-boy, that was fun!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Yeah! It's not everyday we get to torture an unwilling subject like that."

Tassadar- "Actually, I do that all the time..."

Inf. Kerrigan- "If you are referring to your 'jokes,' then you should not even start..."

Raynor- "(to Inf. Kerrigan) Stop! Please, pleeeease calm down!"

Duran- "Exuse me as I go and find my love. Hello Sarah!! (starts walking down the hall) Where are you!?!?"

(Everyone else sweatdrops)

Raynor- "(notices a box underneath Tass's arm) Hey man, what's in the box?"

Tassadar- "(shrugs) Have no idea, got this in the mailbox. All I know is that it's from that 'Kelvin Jones' fellow that I'm gonna fight later on..." {to understand the joke, read Tassadar's seventh MST}

(More sweatdrops appear on everyone elses head)

Tassadar- "Anyways!! I thought we should open this sucker up."

Inf. Kerrigan- "Sure, it's not like we're going to do anything else today..."

(The crew sat down at a table and opened the box. Inside is some strange, greeen powder)

Raynor- "Hey, isn't that the stuff from Byl Glinka's fic?"

Tassadar- "Yeah, I remember, it's suppose to make you feel like your 'one with the universe' or crap like that. But from what the fic showed it can fry a brain."

Zeratul- "Tsk-tsk. So much dust in that box, it should be cleaned up immediately!!"

(everyone ignored Zeratul)

Raynor- "So what should we do with it?"

Tassadar- "Hey, I'm not gonna take it, the last time I was on a drug I woke up the next day with a Wookie from the 'Star Wars' flicks..."

Inf. Kerrigan- "And we can't take it, lord knows what's that gonna do..."

Raynor- "Then who?"

(Just then Artanis enters the room. He looks over at them, then at the massive amount of green powder. Instantly he dashes over to the box, sticks a straw that he got out of nowhere, pushes it into the skin where the nostril would be, then inhales. Surprisingly, with two long breathes he sucks the enter load of powder. He stands and takes out the straw from the area on his face and looks around)

Artanis- "(dazed look) Niiiiiiiiccccccccceeeeeeeeeeee........."

(He walks away, leaving the others with there mouths hanging open...)

Raynor- "And to think, that drug was fairly dangerous..."

Inf. Kerrigan- "...and he didn't even flinch..."

{{How many saw this coming? Please answer through reviews}}

||Scene 40: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match...||

(Scene takes place during the start of Spring, sometime when everyone from Brood War is there. Arcturus is walking around, dreaming about himself in a crooked crown and an even more crooked grin. He sighes and openes his eyes, just before he could run into a bench. On that bench were Raynor and Inf. Kerrigan. Raynor smiles like a little child as his hand lays his hand on Kerrigan's. Kerrigan giggles as a schoolgirl and fidgets.)

Raynor- "Here's to you." (hands Inf. Kerrigan a rose.)

Inf. Kerrigan- "Ohhhh, its so beautiful!" (leans into Raynor as he wraps an arm around her)

(The two are about to kiss before Arcturus makes gagging noises)

Arcturus- "Jeez, you two, get a room!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Why don't you just mind your own business. You're ruining a very clean and honest moment..."

Raynor- "Yeah, go find Raszagal and leave us alone!!"

Arcturus- "Find Raszagal? Why the hell should I find her!?"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Can't you see it? Spring's here!! Love's in the air!"

Arcturus- "Yeah right, I don't need love, I want to conquer the world."

Raynor- "Sure you don't..."

(Raynor pulls Inf. Kerrigan into a french-style kiss, Arcturus rolls his eyes and leaves the two 'love-birds.' He starts to walk down a hallway...)

Arcturus- "Heh...'Love's in the air...' Heh...don't need some stupid romantic get up to..."

(Notices Tassadar pass by with his girlfriend Sophia, holding hands)

Arcturus- "............I don't need a relationship. Heh, love is stupid. Why would anybo..."

(Artanis walks by with a Valkyrie pilot [different pilot!!] in his arms. Arcturus shakes his head and walks out of the hallway into an open area)

Arcturus- "So what's with the entire idea of love? All it does is weaken the person mentally, and I cannot afford to be mentally..."

(walks past a large hill, all made up of pillows, up on top is Sarah Kerrigan on a bench. Around her are a few Medic girls in skimpy lingerie, the Valkyrie Pilot [one that was going after Inf. Kerrigan] was on the other side, feeding Sarah grapes. Behind the bench was Duran, dressed up as one of the girls, trying to fit in. [now that's a scarey mental picture!!] He's using a fan on Sarah.)

Arcturus- "(blinks, then shakes head) Uhhh...I've got work to do...yeah, that's it!! I'll just go to wo..."

(sees a Zergling with what looks like a normal naked woman with Queen wings and longer arms) {don't ask...}

Arcturus- "............................................."

(Arcturus turns at a corner to see Alleria [Warcraft II] and a young troll {with no warts or moles} staring at each others eyes)

Alleria- "(looks at Arcturus) Oh, hello Arcturus! Meet my date, Zuljin..."

Arcturus- "...............I thought you were an old man..."

Zuljin- "Na, I just play one on Warcraft II..."

Arcturus- "..............................THAT'S IT!! I'm going to Raszagal's trailor before anymore characters outside of Starcraft show up!!"

(Arcturus runs out)

Alleria- "...What's his problem?"

Zuljin- "He must do that during the springtime..."

{[note: I didn't insert Dugalle and Alexi because...well...Their Dugalle and Alexi...]}

||Scene 41: The Fight Continues?||

(Scene takes place sometime after the Jurrassic Park/Zerg insident. 

Raynor, Inf. Kerrigan, Razagal, Tassadar, Sophia, (from the previous 

outtakes) and a couple of zerglings are walking through the scene, 'Eye 

of the Storm.' (the one with the Overmind in the first Starcraft))

Bill(zergling)- "You should have seen the fight, man!! It was so 

cool!"

Ted- "Yeah, a couple of pows here and a couple of slashes there, and 

'Bam!' they were all thrown onto a pile!!"

Jill- "Yeah, blood and guts everywhere. Gore to the extreme!"

(yes, Jill is a female. Do you want to know what the difference is 

between a male and female zergling...well I wanna know that too!!)

Tom- "I especially like the part where we tore open one of the 

Dilophosaurus' stomachs. Boy, that was a bloo..."

(Bill, Ted and Jill all jumped to cover Tom's mouth. The others turned green as they figured out what he was getting to...)

Raynor- "We really didn't need to know the specifics, Tom..."

Tassadar- "No, we really do..."

Razagal and Inf. Kerrigan- "(holding Tassadar's mouth) NO, WE 

DON'T..."

Tom- "Okay, but you don't know what you're missing...Gods, I hope we get into a major fight like that again..."

(Just as he finishes, a dozen Velociraptors jump out. Tom screamed and 

fell over...again. Then he started to laugh, seeing all the bandages 

and bruises that the raptor's had. All the other Zerglings started to 

laugh as well)

[velociraptor 1] VR1- "(snarling) Silence! Puny...pathetic little 

worm!"

Ted- "Hey! Who are ya calling a 'worm,' Fossil-Brain!?"

Tom- "What the heck are you here for?"

VR2- "We're here to take our vengence on you, you little maggits!!" 

Jill- "Don't get too cocky, we kicked your little butts all over the sidewalk!! What makes you think that you got us this time!?"

(Velociraptor 1 snaps his finger, and instantly Dinosaurs from Jurrassic Park 1, 2, and 3 step out.)

VR2- "Wait, that's not all..."

(Dinosaurs from movies like Carnivores, Lost World, [old one] and games 

like Dino Crisis all step out)

Raynor- "Woo Doggie..."

Tassadar- "Dinosaurs as the eye can see..."

Jill- "Looks like we've been outnumbered, guys..."

Ted- "I think we might have a problem here."

Sophie- "(growling) Well, I'm not going to sit this one down. Aliens!!"

(An army of Xenomorphs *and* Predators appear behind her. An army of Zerg all step out behind the zerglings)

Tassadar- "(looks at the army, then at Sophie) Nice and quick, I like that..."

Ted- "Charge!!!" 

(The Zerg and Aliens/Predator charge at the Dinos)

Raynor- "This is going to be one hell of a fight!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "All we need now is a broadcaster..."

(A broadcaster steps out)

Broadcaster- "GOOD DAY, GOOD DAY, GOOD DAY!! WELCOME, SPORTS FANS TO THE NEXT ROYAL RUMBLE!!!! THIS RUMBLE IS A GROUP OF ALIENS VS. THE DINOSAURS!!! WHO WILL WIN THIS MASSIVE BRAWL!!"

Inf. Kerrigan- "Cool, got my wish!"

(Raynor, Inf. Kerrigan, Razagal, and Tassadar all look at the battle, then at each other, shrug, and jump into the fray!!)

||Scene 42: Another Drug?||

(Scene takes place after Artanis' run with the 'magical green powder.' 

Raynor is sitting at a table, facing away from a door that we can see 

through. Beside him is Duran, trying desperately to talk Raynor into 

getting Sarah, somehow. Raynor is about to take another drink of some 

coffee before he notices DarkPaladin's friend, Tobi enter the room. A 

little worry is on her face.)

Raynor- "Problem, Tobi?"

Tobi- "Yeah, have you seen anybody else around here?"

Raynor- "Besides the sicko here [points to Duran] And Inf. Kerrigan went off on a boarding meeting with a couple of directors for Starcraft. No, I haven't seen anybody else around here."

Tobi- "Yeah, I haven't seen anyone else after I gave them these [holds 

up a box of cookies] I made them after my grandmother's recipe."

Raynor- "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Here, let me try one..."

(Tobi hands Raynor a cookie just as Artanis walks in)

Raynor- "[looks at cookie] Has green chocolate chips..."

(Artanis sits down, grabs Raynor's cookie from his hand)

Raynor- "Hey!"

(Artanis crumples the cookie in his hand, and it abosorbs into his skin. He shakes for a second or two)

Artanis- "[dazed] Whoa..."

Tobi- "Something wrong, Arty?"

Artanis- "Yeah, whoever made these cookies better watch out..."

Raynor- "Watch out for what?"

Artanis- "This sucker has some powerful stuff...Feels kind of like that green drug from awhile back."

Tobi- "M-m-my grandmother made drugs?"

Artanis- "Not necessarily, the components to make the drug is harmless, but put the right amount of it would really cause some havok..."

Raynor- "Oh crap, Tobi, who'd you give these to?"

Tobi- "..................................The majority of the cast..."

Raynor- "Damn............Maybe some of them didn't eat it 

yet...Artanis, do you know of any symptoms that would be given if they 

took this drug?"

Artanis- "I know every single symptom, Jim. Let's see here...One is it will raise you up a bit if you feel down, it turns you from depressed to giddy..."

(in the hallway, we see Edmund Duke, walking around with Tobi's cookie 

in his hand. He takes a step, eats it, then has this demented smile on 

his face, takes a step, takes a bit, demented smile. Takes a step, 

takes a bite, demented smile. He's gone before the heroes could see 

him.)

Artanis- "...It will also give some people a massive amount of strength..."

(Arcturus walks past the hallway, carrying a blushing Razagal in his arms.)

Artanis- "...It could also enhance somebody's endurance..."

(Tassadar walks by the door, literally jumps, rolls into a ball in mid-air, then un-rolls and lands on his feet at the exact same spot. He walks away.)

Artanis- "...It could also bring out the 'enraged' part of you for specific people."

(Fenix jumps past the door, chasing a cochroach.)

Fenix- "DIE VERMIN SCUM!!!!!"

(Fenix dashes off, Zeratul jumps into view...)

Zeratul- "Dirt!!! To much dirt!!! [swips at floor] DIE DIRT!!!"

(Zeratul dashes off, and the four just stood there, as if they didn't hear a thing.)

Artanis- "Last thing I've heard was that it makes an incredibly ugly 

creature turn completely handsome/beautiful for specific people."

Duran- "Man, that's so stupid, why I've never heard of something that 

stupid in all my..."

(All of a sudden, Sarah Kerrigan walks up to the four. She smiles seductively as she sits down on Duran's lap, throws an arm around his shoulder, rubbing his neck.)

Sarah Kerrigan- "(dazed) Wow, I never thought you were ever this handsome..."

Duran- "Gaaaaa...gaaaaaaaaaaaaaagaaaaaaaaaaaa...gaaaaaaa..."

Raynor- "[sighs] Well, that proves that what Arty says is true."

(Tobi nods numbly)

Raynor- "I think we need to find the others, quickly..."

Tobi- "I-I think you're right..."

More to come

FINALLY!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY SET MY FIRST TWO CHAPTERS FOR THE SLAYERS FIC I PROMISED!!!! For the ppl that asked for apart of the story, it's on my list. Now to keep going on the story...(which will be another miracle in itself.

I got other stories in mind, but I'll try to keep writing these up!! Thank you!!!


End file.

StarCraft, Humor