Bleach 1. Chapter 1

Now... The first chapter is only a little _taste _of the crack you will be reading. I hope you will be ready for the next chapter... Because this is just a warm-up.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN.

Grimmjow's eyes opened when his body realized Ichigo wasn't by his side. Sitting up, he scanned the large room for any sign that his lover was there and called out his name a few times.

"Ichi," he whispered loudly through the darkness. He tried again using his full name, "Ichigo."

When he didn't hear a response he slipped out of bed, curious. He opened the bedroom door only to hear an agitated voice coming from downstairs. Ichigo was arguing with someone and he didn't like it, not one bit. Yet, he wanted to know who he would be arguing with at this time of night.

He settled on sneaking down the hall and stopped at the top of the staircase, beginning his descent. He reached the landing that twisted around to lead to another set of stairs into the living room, the kitchen straight ahead of it so he would have a clear view. The kitchen counter separated the living room from the kitchen so it left room for entertaining guests when the time came.

What he heard confused him to no end and he had to restrain himself from laughing.

"Stupid popsicle. What the hell? Open mother heffer! I swear to Kami, I WILL STRANGLE YOU!"

Grimmjow made his way down the rest of the stairs and caugh Ichigo fighting to get the wrapper off of the popsicle he was currently yelling at. Leaning against the wall of the stairwell he cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you arguing with a popsicle?"

Ichigo turned, his face turning red.

"Would you believe me if I said no?"

"Fuck no."

Ichigo looked back down at his popsicle then back up at Grimmjow, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before asking shyly, "Will you open it for me, Grimm?"

"It's a wrapper, how hard could it be?" he said and took it from the orange-haired teen.

"What the hell?" Grimmjow growled in frustration when the wrapper wouldn't open as easily as he had anticipated and Ichigo started giggling.

"Not even you can win against a wrapper!" he exclaimed and Grimmjow huffed.

"Shut up, I can do it." With one last tug on the wrapper, it flew out of his hands and landed on the floor a few feet away by the counter. The strawberry flavoured popsicle slid out of the wet wrapper and onto the marble floors, already melting.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Grimmjow threw his hands in the air and was about to go stomp on the frozen treat when something peeked around the corner. It had a long nose that resembled that of a vacuum and, once it rounded the corner, looked like a self-automated vacuum cleaner. It was round and blue with eyes that were connected above the nose.

"Grimmjow, what the fuck is that?" Ichigo asked and backed up behind the other.

They stood there and watched as the vacuum sucked up the popsicle with loud slurping noises. A giggle sounded from another room and Grimmjow picked up a knife from the knife holder on the counter. They heard three more different sounds of laughter and they looked around-Ichigo in fear and Grimmjow in anger-to see where the noises came from.

"Noo-Noo! Where are you?" one of the childish voices called out and a small red thing came around the corner. She rode on a little red scooter as she passed the two, another followed behind her. He was green with a cow hat on his head. They were both heading towards the vacuum-Noo-Noo-while laughing.

"What the fuck, who or what the fuck are you little brats?" Grimmjow stepped forward protectively. He held the knife out towards them and they looked over at him when two more came in. One was yellow and the other purple with a red bag.

"We are the Teletubbies!" they all exclaimed at once, giggling as they began to run rampant around the house. The queer lookin one came forward in an approach to greet them.

"I'm Tinky Winky!"

"I don't care who the hell you are, get the hell out of my house you little gay shit!"

Icbigo slapped his arm at the word 'gay' and came around to greet them when he figured they were harmless. The other three ran up to stand by the one who called himself 'Tinky Winky' and they addressed themselves. Ichigo thought they were both cute and creepy at the same time.

"I'm Dipsy!" the green one said, then the yellow one introduced herself next.

"And I'm Laa-Laa!" she said, her hands behind her back as she turned from side to side.

"I'm Po!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great. Who's your leader?" Grimmjow waved them off with a growl and gave them an angry glare. Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Grimm, will you stop? They're harmless."

"Che. That's what you think. Then right when you turn your back they're right behind you ready to stab ya with a knife. Don't fall for their...cuteness."

All four of them, even Noo-Noo, gave the two the most cutest puppy-dog eyes they could muster.

Ichigo couldn't get out the 'awe' he wanted to say when Tinky Winky pulled a gun from his purse, his voice deepened.

"Hold up, bitches. Shit just got real."

-...-

Okay okay, I know. Mother heffer? That's what I say all the timeguy tell me if this is good crack... It was expensive XD


	2. AN

**Go to my page and check out my poll! It will benefit both you and myself so I can post what you guys want most :D I will also be posting TWO new GrimmIchi fics-Into the Dark and Boundaries of Love- AND I will be writing an outline for a ShiroIchi as well.**

**Thank you all of you :)**


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Bleach, Humor