Fullmetal Alchemist 1. Shuffle

**Four Suits**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Shuffle**

..0..

"_Smile!" The photographer called and the happy couple smiled. The camera flashed and the smell of the chemicals rose in the air. Ed was standing nearby and he smiled as he sniffed, mentally calculating the composition of the formula. _

"_Hey shorty," Havoc stood right behind him and Ed sighed._

"_Not again, Havoc." He sighed, shaking his head. "Do you have to do that?"_

"_Of course. It's part of my job."_

"_You won't have a job, Havoc, if you don't stop smoking in the office." The Colonel's voice broke in and Ed grinned. "Hawkeye has put in another 'request'."_

"_If she would let me have my break back, I wouldn't need to smoke in the office," Havoc protested._

"_Perhaps you should quit." Maes Hughes joined in and Ed had to swallow a laugh. Even the bastard looked like he was having trouble keeping a straight face. Havoc quitting smoking? Not in this lifetime._

"_I'll quit smoking when you stop waving those pictures around," Havoc snapped and they all burst out laughing._

_The flash of a camera went unnoticed._

* * *

Ed hid the yawn behind his gloved hand and looked around the room again. All white ribbons and flowers. Why were weddings white, he wondered. Wouldn't red or blue or even that ghastly yellow shade the bridesmaids were wearing have been better than all this boring white?

It had probably been a nice wedding, not that he would know. He hadn't been to one before, but everyone was smiling so it must be good. The biggest smiles were those of Maria Ross… no, Brosh now, and Denny. He watched them moving around the room, talking to all their guests.

His eyes went around the room again. How strange to see everyone out of uniform. In fact he couldn't see anyone wearing anything that came close to that shade of blue. Which was a good thing, he thought. Nine-tenths of the people here were from the military and he didn't know many of them. His military service had been a very solitary affair and other than the bastard Colonel's staff, he knew almost no-one.

He leant his elbows on the table and put his chin on the back of his hands. His eyes spotted the Colonel and he smirked at seeing him. Typical bastard, he thought as he saw the blonde beside him. His head tilted as he studied her. He wondered if there was a brain in there as she flipped her long hair over one shoulder and her long painted nails fiddled at the split in her dress. He tilted his head the other way. If that split went much higher, he'd be able to see her navel, he was sure of it. And if she leant over like that again, he'd be able to see it from above as well. The Colonel always seemed to have something decorative at his side, he pondered and then frowned. He wasn't going to go there, that was too close to the questions he had been avoiding from Al.

He looked away quickly and blinked. Was that Fuery dancing with Hawkeye?

He smiled. Fuery barely came up to the blonde sharpshooter's chin, but Ed could see a gentle smile on Hawkeye's face and knew she wasn't going to say a thing. Hawkeye had more tact than anyone he had ever met.

Falman and Sheska moved past them and he wondered what they were talking about. The grey haired man looked almost animated as he smiled and spoke enthusiastically about something. Probably book-related. It was the only thing Ed could think of that would interest both of them.

Breda and Armstrong were at a table near the dancers. Ed frowned. It looked like they were building small forts from the table accoutrements. He knew how much Breda loved strategies, but Armstrong? He thought for a moment before realising that having an ostentatious military pedigree would automatically infer an equally ostentatious interest in all military areas. And Armstrong's were probably read strategies as bedtime stories in their infancy.

"We're going to dance, Brother." Al interrupted his thoughts and he turned to smile at his younger, but taller, brother.

"Sure thing, Al." He watched his brother and Winry head to the dance floor. He smiled. It really was good to see Al here, and he hadn't missed noticing the closeness between him and Winry. His brother had rarely left the mechanic's side. His lips twitched. His brother had a crush. It was understandable, he figured. Al lived with Pinako and Winry, who else was there? He watched them. He let out his breath as he saw that dirty-blond head lean closer to Winry.

He didn't see Al often enough anymore. It had been a stupid argument and Edward had come stomping back to Central fourteen months ago. Not only had he marched in and demanded to be re-enlisted, he had refused to call Al for two whole weeks. When Hawkeye had finally forced him at gunpoint, it had taken them ten minutes to apologise without actually saying sorry. But Ed had decided to stay in Central and not ask to have his re-enlistment revoked, and both had understood why.

He sighed and turned at a burst of well-known laughter. Maes Hughes was leaning back in his chair, laughing at someone across the table as Elysia slipped from his lap. The tall lanky man always seemed to radiate good humour. Ed smiled, the man was a major pain in the ass, and he was probably the only one he trusted around here. Ed had never seen him anything but cheerful, even when he was working, the humour was always lurking. Ed envied him slightly. To be able to rise above everything and be able to smile like that. Everyone knew just how devastated Hughes had been after Gracia had died. He didn't know how Hughes did it. He wished he had had that gift. He had always felt as if he had been carrying an extra shadow with him the whole time they had been searching for the stone.

A smothered curse turned his head and he saw Havoc at Breda and Armstrong's table. He was holding his cigarette packet above the barricade it had been used in. He could almost hear the accompanying insults as Havoc's sleeve caught on one of the watchtowers and tipped it over. Ed smirked; just as well that glass had been empty. Havoc merely grinned and moved away, probably to find the smoker's corner. Ed saw the other two begin to straighten up the lines to continue playing. There really was no other word for it.

He caught Al staring at him as he idly followed Havoc's progress. He knew Al was just waiting for the right time to start in on him again. But Ed felt fairly safe at the moment; he didn't think Al would start _that_ conversation here. But Al was stubborn and determined. And he believed that his elder brother was incapable of looking after himself, which meant that Al would use the first opportunity to take him to task. He frowned, turning away. He didn't need to hear it all again.

Ed stood up, pushing his chair back abruptly. He had thought that once Al was restored everything would be perfect, but it wasn't and watching them all was reminding him of that. He wove his way past several tables, brushing past everyone without consideration and through the doors leading out to the hallway and a small conservatory beyond.

"Brother, wait!"

He stopped and sighed. He put a smile on his face and turned as Al approached him.

"Hey Al, thought you were still dancing."

"You weren't thinking of leaving were you, Brother?" Al looked at his brother, ignoring Ed's remark.

"I was just going to look around for a moment." Ed said, but his eyes gave him away and they both knew it.

"The conservatory is the other way, Brother. The only thing at this end of the hall is the door out." Al pointed out deliberately.

"Just let it go, Al." Ed said quietly.

"I can't. Come back home, Brother." Al replied.

"Why?" Ed looked up to meet his brother's almost silvery grey eyes. "You know I'd only get bored there."

"But we'd be together. And there's all our old friends there." Al persuaded. "I miss you, Brother."

Ed didn't reply. It always came down to that one. Al missed him. He missed Al too, but he knew he just wasn't suited to stay in that small place anymore. And lately there had been other issues between them.

"You know I can't leave the Military, Al."

"That's not true. You've repaid back all the help they gave us. All you have to do is ask the Colonel for a discharge. He'll let you go." Al almost pleaded with his brother.

Ed lowered his head and let his breath out, slipping his hands into his trouser pockets so Al wouldn't see them tighten.

"Al," he began in a low voice. Golden eyes looked up. "I just don't feel I belong there anymore."

"You don't belong here either, Ed." Al sighed. "It's only because you feel guilty. You're going to stay on this leash forever and never feel you paid. Let's face it, Brother. I'm never going to remember everything. There will always be these holes in my memories."

"I made you a promise, Al." Ed said stubbornly.

"And you kept it." Al stared at him. "You just don't want to come home. Why? You don't have a life here, Brother. You never seem to go out, you never go anywhere but the Library and you sit at a desk all day."

"How do you know that?" Ed's eyes went wide. He hadn't realised Al knew anything of his life here.

"I heard Winry and Sheska talking. I'm worried about you." Al's voice changed slightly and Ed's eyes narrowed.

"Don't start that again, Al." Ed said his voice dropping.

"But Ed…"

"No. There is nothing wrong with me."

"But even Winry says it's not natural…"

"I don't care what Winry thinks, Al. My private life is just that, private!"

"But Ed, what if you are, you know…?"

"If I'm what, Alphonse?" Ed's voice went dark. "Not normal, different? You think returning to Resembool will fix it?" He seemed to grow a bit taller as he grew angry. "I don't have a problem and I sure as hell do not need you to tell me I do!"

"Then why don't you get a girlfriend, Edward? Every time we talk about this, it goes nowhere."

"Because I don't want one. Is that so hard to understand, Al? Just because you're crushing on Winry does not mean I have follow suit as well."

Al blushed but his eyes hardened. "Edward, you don't even _look_ at girls."

"Why should I?" Ed bit his tongue hard and pulled his hands from his pockets and ran them through his hair as he paced a circle, coming back to face his brother. "Has it ever occurred to you that I might just not be interested in that sort of thing _at all_? That I could find all that relationship stuff to be completely pointless and a waste of time? That I don't look at girls, _or guys, _because I really don't care?"

Al stared at him. "I don't believe you. No-one is that self-sufficient. Not even you, Brother." Grey eyes glowed. "Everyone needs someone. When we were little, we needed each other. You were the one that kept crawling into my bed when it rained."

"That's because the thunder scared you."

"No, that's what you always claimed. But you were the one who was more scared than I was."

"Are you quite finished?" Ed asked, his voice going frosty.

"No, not by a long shot. Ed, you're my brother. You're the only family I have. I don't want you to be here all alone. I want you to come home and be with me."

"Enough Al. I like it here and I'm not alone here." He drew his breath and let it out slowly. "You're my brother, you'll always be my brother, but I'm staying here."

"And what about finding someone to share it with?" Al asked, persistently. "You're like me, you need people. Who else is going to understand those nightmares, Brother?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Al!" Ed glared at him. "You are so damned stubborn. I don't need anyone, I _never_ got scared of the thunder, I _don't_ have nightmares and if I ever _do_ find someone, you will be the _last_ to know!"

Ed turned around and stormed straight into the conservatory. Damned Al and his driving need to set his brother up. _'So you won't be lonely, Brother.' _ And going home meant getting set up with all Winry's friends. To make him stay there. And now this idea that Ed liked guys, because he didn't look at girls. Sometimes Al really was reaching and it was just such a pain and he wished Al, _love you too Brother_, would just butt out and leave him the hell…

"What the fuck?" Ed tripped and his hands hit the paved floor as the rest of him tumbled over. He sat on the floor and looked around. The conservatory was a small maze of paths and alcoves amidst the lush greenery. Ed really didn't care for plants and his eyes focused on the two long black clad legs that he had just fallen over. He followed them up to the man reclining back on the small bench.

"Bastard! You did that on purpose." He glared at the dark-haired man and felt his effort wasted as the bastard didn't even look at him as he took a sip of his drink.

"Hardly, Fullmetal. It's not my fault your legs cannot even manage a task as simple as stepping over something."

"Who are you calling so small that he…!" Ed's voice automatically rose but he really wasn't feeling up to exorcising his demons through a tantrum this time and the Colonel's eyes were still looking past him anyway. The bastard wasn't even paying attention.

Ed sighed and heaved himself up from the floor, debating whether to go back or try to leave again. Going back meant facing Al… _and Winry_; because he knew Al would tell her everything that had happened. He flopped onto the bench beside Mustang. Maybe he should try to leave again, maybe he could sneak out, but he would bet that Al would be watching the hallway for just such an occurrence. Maybe there was a back way out of the conservatory.

Al just didn't understand, that's all, he thought. Al had Winry and somewhere he felt he belonged. Perhaps Al was right and he didn't belong here in Central, but Ed knew he didn't belong in Resembool either. Al was right about something else too. He did feel guilty at not completely restoring his brother, but he didn't see staying in the Military as his penance for that failure.

"…Do you plan on staying here, Fullmetal?"

"Huh? Staying where, bastard?" Ed blinked and turned his head to meet the dark eyes staring at him.

"Here, on my bench Fullmetal."

"It's not your bench, Mustang. I can sit here if I want to." Ed replied, automatically taking the contrary path as he always did with the Colonel.

"Seeing a person alone in a secluded place usually means to most people that they want to be alone. Of course, you are rarely like most people once again it seems."

"I didn't ask you to start a conversation up. You can sit here and escape all you want." Ed turned to glare at him. Stupid bastard, what did he think he was playing at? It was a free bloody bench, wasn't it? And then he saw a dark eyebrow go up and cursed mentally as his hands clenched. He could see it coming. Mustang never cut him any slack; the man was just too fucking sharp.

"Escape?" The deep voice was sardonic and amused. "I'm not the one who stormed and cursed my way into this quiet retreat and I certainly never mentioned escaping."

"Shut up." Ed hissed. Damn the infuriating bastard. "It's none of your business anyway."

"And I am very thankful for that. If it is anything like our work 'business' it will surely be expensive and offend countless innocents." The sarcastic response fell between them and Edward bit his tongue, turning away as Mustang lifted his glass again. He always let the man goad him into losing his temper. And what purpose did it serve? None. It was going to distract him for a moment, but as soon as it was over, everything Al had said was going to be right in his face again. He sighed.

"Ed?" Mustang's voice sounded almost concerned and he shrugged the thought away.

"I think weddings only give people stupid ideas."

"I'm not that fond of them either." Ed turned his head at the strange echoes he heard in the deep voice, but Mustang was looking out across into the greenery again.

"This is the first one I've been to." He said almost hesitantly and looked away the second he saw the dark head begin to turn.

"They don't get any better."

Ed turned to meet the sombre dark eyes. Something was bugging the man that much was obvious. Ed couldn't hold that look and had to drop his eyes and resettle himself on the bench. Maybe escape had not been so far from the mark, but that look forbade any questions.

He sighed silently. And he was no better, hiding in here, looking for a way out. Hadn't he always gone forward? Regardless of what people thought or said? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Edward Elric did not run, he did not hide and he sure as hell did not let his little brother tell him what to do. He opened his eyes and stood up.

"Going somewhere, Ed?"

"Yep. Going back in there." He let his breath out and he looked at Mustang. "These things never get better?"

"Correct."

"Fuck," Ed muttered as he walked away, working his way along the narrow paths back to the hallway and reception room.

* * *

He was one step into the room when he was grabbed around the thighs by two small arms and he nearly fell backwards. A large hand suddenly appeared in the middle of his back.

"Steady Eddy." A light voice laughed near his ear and he turned his head to see Havoc behind him. "You been drinking?" The blue eyes twinkled at him.

"No, you…" He stopped in time as he looked down and saw Elysia looking up at him with very wide eyes. He swallowed the curse and smiled down at the little girl. "Hey, princess."

"Hey sport," Havoc looked over Ed's shoulder and down at her as well. Elysia smiled happily at both of them.

"Don't do that." Ed hissed between gritted teeth.

"Do what?" Havoc asked with laughter in his voice.

"You know what, you …"

"Have you seen Uncle Roy, big Brother?" Elysia interrupted him and he looked back down at her.

"Not me, sport," Havoc replied.

"He's in the conservatory." Ed replied, pointing back across the hall.

"He has to dance wi' me." She advised them seriously.

"Then you should make sure he does," Havoc smiled. They watched as she began to walk out of the room.

"You can move away now, Havoc." Ed said in a long suffering voice.

"One day you will be tall, Ed." Havoc laughed as he stepped back.

"One day I'm going rip off your legs." Ed retorted and walked back to his table. It was a stupid game they played. It had started soon after his return to Central. Havoc had stood beside him for some reason and Breda had commented on the height difference. Ed's tantrum had been spectacular according to all the witnesses. Since then, it had become a game and now it was a habit. The tantrums were gone, but the insults stayed. And although Havoc probably got more enjoyment out of it than Ed did, Ed didn't really mind it that much.

Ed sat down and scanned the room. He saw Al with Winry and Sheska and sighed. He had no doubt he was the main topic of that little council. And he had no doubt that Sheska would be sending back weekly, if not daily reports when Al and Winry left to go home. He really didn't see the need for all this concern. He was only eighteen, for fuck's sake. There was plenty of time. Just because they did these things earlier in the country than they did in the cities, was no reason he had to follow suit.

"Hey Ed!" He looked up and saw Maes Hughes bearing down on him.

"Lieutenant-Colonel." He said as he automatically moved backwards.

"Have you seen my little angel?" The bright eyes looked at him and although the man was smiling in his usual manner, the eyes were very intent.

"Yeah, she went to the conservatory, looking for the bastard." Ed replied quickly. Everyone knew how protective Maes Hughes was of his daughter. Ed was surprised Elysia had even managed to get more than ten feet from him. Hughes was _very_ protective of Elysia.

"Thanks," was all he said as he headed that way and Ed grinned. No photos this time. He watched and saw Hughes nearly bump into Hawkeye, who for some reason had Elysia in her arms. Ed watched as Elysia pouted as Hughes spoke to her. He saw Hawkeye almost grin at something and then Hughes turned away heading into the hallway and leaving Hawkeye with Elysia.

Hawkeye saw Ed staring and walked towards him. He smiled at them both. Hawkeye looked so different out of uniform he thought.

"I couldn't find Uncle Roy. He's hiding." Elysia said, dejectedly as they got close and Ed's eyes opened wide.

"Maybe he turned into a …fish." He said, almost positive he had seen a fishpond in there, and wanting to take the pout from her little face. He saw the smile flash across Hawkeye's face as they both knew how much the bastard hated water.

"I wanted him to dance wi' me." She pouted again and he had to bite his lips to stop from laughing. He looked over to the conservatory. And Maes, ever protective of his daughter, had just gone to call him on it. He caught Hawkeye's eyes and they both grinned. The bastard was in for it now.

Loud laughter had them all turning around. Ed laughed, feeling light for the first time all day. Breda and Armstrong's game had come to a conclusion and both were now flexing and shouting their prowess to the room.

"Why don't you go and see Al. He was looking for someone to dance with earlier." Ed said, his face still reflecting his amusement, and shot a quick look across at his brother. Al was looking at him and Ed grinned back with the widest grin he could. He saw Al frown and narrow his eyes.

"'s good idea, big Brother." Elysia beamed at him and Hawkeye shook her head. She knew there were tensions between the brothers. Ed smiled at them both.

"It'll be fine, Hawkeye." He said and he saw her dubious head shake as she led Elysia over to Al. Ed watched as Al listened and then shot a filthy look his way. He grinned back and saw Al's hesitant smile before he turned to Elysia and nodded his head. Ed knew it hadn't cleared the air between them, but it was a start and at least Al wouldn't hate him too much when it came time for them to leave.

He sighed and leant back in his chair, watching as Al held her and they began to move around the floor. His eyes followed them and then caught sight of the Lieutenant-Colonel walking over to watch them as well. Ed looked back to the conservatory. No bastard was following him in. Hadn't he found him? He looked at Hughes again and surprised a frown on the long face. He didn't think Hughes knew how to frown. Maybe he had found the bastard after all, but what had happened to make Hughes look so bothered, he wondered. That was just unnatural.

'_I don't look at girls or guys...'_ The words popped up into his mind and his breath puffed out. Would it change anything if he did, he wondered. He looked around the room and his eyes settled on Winry.

She was wearing a dress of reddish-pink, her hair was all styled somehow and she still looked like Winry to him. What did Al see in her, he wondered. They had all grown up together. What had made Al change and suddenly like her in a different way now? It didn't make sense to him. She was just Winry. She was never going to be anything other than a sister to him.

He looked around again and saw Lieutenant Hawkeye standing next to Havoc. She looked completely different in a dress. She certainly looked better than that flashy woman the Colonel had been with. He had a quick look around and couldn't see her, or the bastard. The Colonel had shit taste if he preferred that one to Hawkeye, he thought. See, he told himself, he could tell what looked good and what didn't. He wasn't completely clueless. He'd have to remember that for the next time he spoke to Al. He frowned.

Hawkeye was single, he was sure of it. How come no-one bugged her about relationships and preferences? Okay, the fact that she would shoot anyone who asked was one reason, but surely she had friends, or family, who would be annoying her about those things? It wasn't as if she was ugly or anything. She looked very nice.

Very nice. He sighed. It was doing nothing for him. He was looking, he was seeing and he could have cared less. Looking at women just didn't seem to make any difference to him, although he wasn't sure just what he was supposed to feel anyway. He looked around at a few others, thinking maybe he had chosen the wrong ones to start with and still nothing happened.

He looked back at Hawkeye and then at Havoc beside her. He was blond too. And tall, Ed scowled. The suit he was wearing made him look very different as well. His shoulders seemed broader and he tapered into a slim waist and long legs. Ed tilted his head. Why did the suit make him look so different? He could understand Hawkeye looking so different, but Havoc?

Why did Havoc keep losing out with the ladies, he suddenly wondered. He looked very nice too. It suited him and he even looked neat and tidy in it. Maybe it was just that the black suit made him seem much taller and almost elegant.

Ed watched as Havoc's eyes flicked from the Lieutenant to someone behind her and then back again. Ed looked and could only recognise Fuery standing in the small group there. Ed frowned as he saw the blue eyes flick towards the group again. Hawkeye smiled and moved away and he watched as Havoc looked at the group again. Only this time his gaze lingered. Was he looking at Fuery, Ed wondered and then blinked as he realised Havoc was staring at him now. A resigned expression seemed to flit across his face before he turned away and Ed was left wondering what the hell was going on.

* * *

Ed fell back onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. He didn't think he ever wanted to go to another wedding again. He had hated having to go and get a suit. He never wanted to do that again. He had found the marriage service long and drawn out. And the reception had left him with so many thoughts he didn't know where to begin.

Al. He loved his brother, he really did. But that didn't stop him from resenting his brother's unspoken assertion that he knew what was best for Ed. Ed didn't want to be looked after, and certainly not by his brother. They'd been self-sufficient for a long time. Just because Al wasn't at his side all the time anymore, didn't mean he couldn't do it on his own now.

He loved his brother, but Ed was glad he was going back to Resembool tomorrow.

And tomorrow he could go back to the office and the routines that were boring but at least he knew what to expect. He sighed. He did miss the travelling around. He wondered if he could get the bastard to send him somewhere. He frowned. The Colonel had been a bit distracted earlier. They had nearly had a conversation. Well, anything not said in a shout classed as a conversation normally. But there had been that one moment, just before he had left the conservatory, that the bastard had almost seemed human. Ed rolled over and sighed. Any humanity in that bastard would have disappeared by tomorrow. But he could still ask him.

Perhaps getting himself out of Central would help with the other problem. He didn't want his every movement sent back to Resembool. And he knew they had organised it, he had seen the looks. Did it really matter that he wasn't interested in having a relationship with anyone? Did it really matter that he wasn't interested in girls? Or guys he added quickly as an image of Jean Havoc suddenly appeared in front of his eyes. He blinked and it disappeared.

He shook his head. Just because the guy had looked so different in that suit was no real reason to suddenly think of him. They had all looked different. Even the Colonel had looked smoother than normal, he remembered. So why wasn't he thinking of the bastard? He had more charm than anyone else and he was always in control. He was perfect. Why not him instead of Havoc?

Ed rolled over to the other side and curled up tight. If there was one single reason that stopped Edward from thinking of being in a relationship with anyone, male or female, it was because of his imperfections. He had automail, he had scars, he wasn't whole and he had failed at so many things. How could he expect anything but to see his own imperfections reflected back at him?

Al would never understand that, he thought as he curled up tighter. No-one would understand that.

He was nearly asleep when an image of Havoc smiling over his shoulder followed him down.

* * *

_The picture slowly developed in the darkened room. Two blonds, one black, one brown haired. Laughing, three grown men and one just on the cusp of adulthood. All in black suits, flowers in their buttonholes. _

_Ed's eyes were bright and his face clear of shadows as Havoc stood beside him, pointing at Hughes as he laughed. Maes was grinning back at him, his laughter writ large on his face. Roy had leant forward and his visible amusement was startling to those who had never seen him appear so open._

* * *

Storyline diverts from the anime after the Lab 5 incident and more information about that will appear as the story progresses…..

Author's Note: This is a split story, written in conjunction with** Spirix**…Both stories have the same title and chapter names. All events and occasions are written from different character's points of view. She will be writing from Roy's point of view and I will be doing Ed's. To know what Roy was doing while we were following Ed, you should be hightailing across to read Spirix's one... We will both be posting at the same time as the other... smiles…

And I want to wish you all a Happy New Year and best wishes for 2008 and thank you for all the support you have given me through this, my first year here.

silken :)


	2. Deuces Wild

**Four Suits**

I do not own, and never will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Deuces Wild**

..0..

Edward rolled over on his bed and fell onto the floor. He kept rolling over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He hooked his left arm behind his head and sighed. How many nights now, he thought. Two? Three? Why was sleep so hard to get these days? It took a long time to get to sleep and once he did, he couldn't stay there and would toss and turn for the rest of the night.

"Bloody Alphonse," he muttered. Three days since Al had left and all Ed could feel were the eyes on him. Falman's eyes, Sheska's eyes. Why Sheska had to keep coming to the office baffled him. He would see her appear and her and Falman would huddle together with sheets of paper and hushed whispers. He had begun leaving as soon as she appeared. It had been worse today. Today Hawkeye had joined in their little huddle and the thought that they would enlist her to watch him as well had sent him to the Library for the rest of the day.

It was silly and stupid, he knew that. But it was getting to him and the more he tried not to think about it, the more he did. Why were they so interested in whether he went out with anyone? Was being single wrong? Was not knowing if you liked girls or boys wrong? Ed groaned at that one. _That_ thought was becoming more prevalent lately. If Al hadn't started in on his personal life, Ed was sure he'd never have had to face thoughts like these.

But because of Al, he now found his thoughts running around in strange circles. Because of Al he didn't know anymore. Growing up it had been a given, boys liked girls. It was a natural law. But then they had tried to bring their mother back and some natural laws just never had the same weight after that. It had taken two weeks of being in the military to realise that boys liked boys as well. And two weeks more to realise that no-one talked about it. Some people didn't tolerate it, mainly the older guys, but most just ignored it.

Edward had merely shrugged. He hadn't cared one way or the other. He had been twelve, he had had a brother to restore, who cared if the sergeant in the next dorm had a boyfriend. The whole relationship and dating process had passed Ed by. He had always been too focused on Al. It had been all he had wanted. And now that Al was back in the flesh, he seemed to think that Ed needed one of these relationships to fill the gap.

"I don't know what I want." He held his right hand up and looked at the gleaming steel. "Even if I did know, what good will it do me anyway? I'm not exactly all human here." He kept watching as he flexed the fingers. Cold steel. Who'd want anyone as damaged as he was?

* * *

Edward hid a yawn as he sat at his desk and looked over another boring file. This was so mindless. Day after day, stuck here doing worthless paperwork shit. He ground his teeth together. And they were watching him again. There had to be a way to get out of here. Why hadn't the bastard had any of his pointless errands lately? Ed looked at the file again. He could care less that some alchemist had sent his expenses list in for authorising.

He looked around the room and met Sheska's eyes briefly before her head went back down to look at whatever she and Falman were interested in. Hawkeye entered and several more files landed on his desk and he stifled his groan. He watched as she joined the unholy pair and he grabbed the first file and left the office, heading for the stairs upwards to the roof.

He didn't stop until he had the stairwell door closed behind him and he could feel the light breeze against his face. He closed his eyes for a moment before walking around to the small corner between two stacks that offered shade without blocking the wind. He put the file down and let out a sigh as he looked out over Central. It was a big bright place, but it was feeling small to him at the moment. He felt trapped here. He sighed and sat down, laying back on the cool concrete and looking up into the blue sky and wishing he could just fly out of here. He closed his eyes as the breeze went over him.

"You planning on sleeping here all day, Boss?"

"Fuck off, Havoc." Ed answered without opening his eyes. He heard Havoc's lighter flick and began to smell the cigarette before he felt the taller man sit down nearby.

"They'll come looking for you."

"Tell them I'm here and I'll transmute those smokes of yours back into their original components."

"Harsh, Boss."

Ed turned his head and opened one eye. "Not nearly harsh enough." Havoc grinned lopsidedly at him before turning away to look out to the horizon. Ed watched as Havoc took a long drag and let the smoke drift out of his mouth, the breeze pulling it behind him. The smile had gone and he was looking resigned. Ed had seen a similar look the night of the wedding.

Ed frowned and looked away. Why had he remembered that all of a sudden? He remembered how the blond had looked in his suit. That elegant air hadn't followed him into his uniform, he was more casual now. But Ed found that strangely comfortable. He turned to look at Havoc again. Havoc had always seemed so loud at times and yet he was just sitting there. He'd always thought Havoc was one of those people who would hate silence, but Havoc was proving him wrong.

Actually when he thought about it, he didn't really know a lot about Havoc. The man never mentioned his family or his home. He didn't even know what Havoc did when he left the office. He frowned. The only things he knew about Havoc was that he smoked, he was almost as good as Falman when it came to paperwork and he never had any luck with women.

"See something you like?"

Ed blinked and realised Havoc's eyes were fixed on his. Ed felt his face go red as he began to process what Havoc had just said. The image of Havoc in his suit reappeared in his mind.

"Wha…? Of course not!" Ed began spluttering and Havoc laughed as Ed floundered slightly.

"Thought not." Havoc turned away to stub his cigarette out. "You were miles away, Boss."

Ed stopped spluttering, his sharp ears catching a slight edge to the words. He tilted his head and his eyes narrowed as the heat in his face began to fade.

"Havoc?" Ed's voice was tentative. The older blond kept his back to him but Ed saw it tense.

Loud shouts disrupted the moment and they both stood up and headed to the railing, looking down at the vast plaza. Soldiers were running up to the main gate and several others were running out. Ed and Havoc exchanged a quick look before turning around and running for the stairwell. They both knew what trouble looked like.

* * *

Three days later Ed laid his head on his arms and slumped onto his desk with a groan. It was late, he was tired and exhausted and all he wanted was to go back to his dorm.

"Cheer up Boss. Another ten minutes and we can get out of here."

"If you had reminded me about that file, I could have been home hours ago."

"I didn't even know about the file."

"That's beside the point." Edward almost whined.

In his rush from the rooftop, Ed had left the file behind and Hawkeye had found out. Late duty for the week had been his punishment. Breda had been rostered on for the late shift with Havoc, and Ed had the morning one. Hawkeye had merely swapped their rosters for the week.

"Hawkeye is too damned sharp." Ed grumbled. "And I still have half the morning shift to do anyway."

The disruption had been a demonstration gone terribly wrong. The same group who had claimed responsibility for the attack that had claimed Gracia Hughes, had managed to detonate an explosive device in the middle of the authorised march. The death toll had been high and the structural damage severe. Ed had been one of those chosen to help with the structural repairs and he had been on the streets for the last two mornings before coming here for the late shift. The only good thing about the whole situation was that he had managed to have little contact with Falman and Sheska.

"Is there much still to do?"

"No," Ed yawned widely. 'Tomorrow should see it all done."

Havoc watched the golden eyes half close and he smiled. The kid looked tired he thought as he stretched back in his chair, swinging his boots up onto his desk. Times like this were tiring for everyone. It was hard on the Chief too, Havoc thought as he considered his boots. Maes Hughes was heading the investigation and Havoc had caught the tail end of Mustang on the phone asking for some information. He hadn't sounded his usual collected self. No threats, no curses and the man had even looked sad, almost depressed afterwards. Havoc knew how the Chief got when he felt he should be doing something, but that had just seemed a little strange, even for Mustang.

Not that they could do anything until someone had some idea of just who was behind the attacks. Until the Lieutenant-Colonel and his team brought in some answers Mustang and the rest of them were stuck here, just waiting. Havoc leant back further and looked over at Ed. The eyes were completely closed now. At least he had been given the chance to be useful. Unlike me, Jean thought. _Stuck in here to answer phones and push files around. _He didn't even get to see _him _for more than five minutes when he came on for his shift.

Jean looked over at Fuery's desk. Everything neat and tidy, nothing left behind. Not even a paperclip out of place. _Idiot Jean, you're an idiot you know that._

"Shut up," he muttered and kept staring at the desk. His parents had told him he'd come to grief when they had shut the door in his face.

* * *

"_Don't come back!" The same blue eyes he had inherited had glared at him. "Your kind isn't wanted here. You bring shame on us all!"_

_Jean had hunched in the doorway, half turned away from his father's tirade. He had sought out the eyes of his mother and she had met his pleading stare with a stony face. Her eyes had not held any hope for him and in her condemnation of him he had found the courage to stand up straight._

"_You're no longer a son of mine." His father had said. "Take your things and go."_

"_Keep them. I don't need them or you." Jean had replied. "I wouldn't want to get accused of theft later on." He had sneered and his father's hand had swung. The force had made Jean stagger against the doorframe, blood beading from a split lip._

"_I wouldn't stoop to your level. You're no real man, and you'll regret this. Don't expect us to forgive you for this."_

* * *

And now look at him. Pining for the one guy who was straighter than Jean could draw a line, even with a ruler. Maybe joining the military hadn't been his smartest move after being kicked out of home, but he had wanted to prove them wrong. Liking guys did not make him any less of a man. He wasn't going to regret anything. Leaving everything behind meant he had had few options and he had wanted to get as far away as he could from not only his parents but from the rest of the village.

He had stayed away from getting involved with other men for his first year but then he had slipped into a very discreet, very involved relationship that had lasted a year until they had both gone to Ishbal. Only Jean had come back. Now a Second-Lieutenant and under a new Lieutenant-Colonel, he had stopped seeking anything serious. Women became a diversion until his new commanding officer began stealing them away and he realised he had the perfect cover. No-one questioned him when he never settled into a relationship and as he began to notice Kain more often, he could use his dating failures as a conversation hook with the smaller man.

But Kain Fuery was straight. Actually some days Jean was convinced that Kain was almost completely asexual. He didn't seem to look at girls either. A small snore had Jean looking over at Ed. He grinned. He might not really believe that Fuery was uninterested in sex but there was the perfect example of someone who _was_ uninterested. And completely innocent too, if that blush the other day had been any indication, he thought.

Why was Ed single, he suddenly thought. He wasn't ugly, he wasn't that short anymore. He had even looked presentable at the wedding, all dressed up neatly in a suit. His hair was that unusual shade of gold to match his eyes. He was intelligent, he even had a sense of humour some times. So why was he single?

He had been acting strangely, well stranger than normal, ever since the wedding, Havoc frowned. Ed often disappeared and he seemed to be avoiding Falman and Sheska. He had done it that afternoon when he had found him on the roof. Maybe Ed wasn't as uninterested as he had thought. Maybe the young blond had a crush on Sheska. Jean nearly choked as he tried to imagine Ed being attracted to Falman so Sheska it had to be. Jean grinned, he had something new he could tease the kid with. As he kept running his eyes over the sleeping face, he realised Ed really wasn't a kid anymore.

* * *

Edward was restless. Back on regular hours and the eyes were back on him. He needed to get out of here. Out of the building, out of the city, damn it, even out of the fucking country if he could. He frowned. He vaguely recalled a memo and he frowned as he tried to remember the details. He went to the filing cabinet and began rummaging through it.

He paused as he felt the tall presence behind him and he groaned.

"Fuck off Havoc."

"And here I was about to offer my invaluable assistance in filing cabinet management."

"You couldn't manage yourself out of a wet paper bag." Ed retorted.

"Slipping, Boss. Not up to your usual standard."

Ed turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder and up at Havoc. He met the blue eyes with a steady gaze. "It finally happened. I've sunk to your level."

Havoc grinned and leant closer. "You just wish you could reach …my level." Jean saw the flush that flooded into the shorter blond's face and grinned. "Or maybe Sheska's level is what you are aiming for?" He added and was not prepared for the look that appeared in the golden eyes. Ed pulled a file out roughly, slammed the filing cabinet drawer shut and turned to glare at the taller blond.

"Get the fuck out of my life, Havoc." Ed hissed the words and pushed past him, leaving the office with furious strides.

"What did you do this time, Havoc?" Falman asked as he looked from the doorway to the rather baffled looking Havoc.

"I have no idea." Havoc frowned. Edward had had an almost hunted look on his face and that had definitely been dislike in his eyes at the mention of Sheska. Just what was going on? Jean looked at Falman and shrugged. "Who knows what the Boss is thinking?"

Sheska appeared at the doorway. "I have another clue!" She went across to Falman's desk with a quick step and waved casually at Havoc as she passed. He watched her settle and open the folder she had brought with her. Havoc shook his head. Everyone was being weird around here today.

Boots coming into the room had him looking up again. Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes appeared and Havoc began to look for a reason to move away. _No photos, no photos, I'll quit, no I'll cut down on the cigarettes, no photos, please no photos._

"Is the Colonel in?" Hughes asked and Havoc blinked. Where was the bouncy, bright eyed and manic _I-have-photos_ father?

"Sure is. He's been there all morning."

Hughes nodded and entered the inner office, closing the door behind him carefully. Havoc exchanged disbelieving looks with Falman and Sheska. Something was really not right today.

* * *

Ed was furious. He stomped back to the office and ignored everyone as he opened Mustang's office door with his usual kick and slam. The folder he had taken from the filing cabinet was getting scrunched in his fist as he stalked across to Mustang's desk.

"Bastard! Why can't I get travel papers?" His voice rose as he got nearer the desk. "The admin department won't give them to me _and_ they won't tell me why! They say I have to have your authorisation! If this is another one of your fucking schemes to keep tabs on me…"

Ed blinked as he realised Maes Hughes was standing there and that they seemed to be locked into some kind of staring match. They both looked a bit pale, and Edward suddenly shivered before shrugging it away. Dark eyes flashed in his direction and he straightened up, his scowl coming back.

Hughes moved, pushing his glasses up in his usual manner and Ed watched as the man left the room. He blinked again.

"What's up with him?" He asked, distracted by the paleness in the usually placid face, as he turned back to face the Colonel. Those dark black eyes were staring hard at him and the Colonel's expression did not bode well, but Ed refused to back down. Not when he was feeling this desperate to get out of here.

Mustang sat down without breaking eye contact and the continuing silence had Edward's temper flaring again. Damned fucking bastard, forever treating him like a child!

"Why can't I leave Central?" Edward demanded aggressively. The bastard turned his chair around to face the large window and Edward glared at the back of the high chair and felt his hands fist tight. The bastard was playing games again. _Arrogant prick_. The need to leave was getting harder to keep under control.

"Why can't I leave Central?" Edward slapped the file down hard onto the desk as he repeated his demand. _Stop ignoring me bastard, and answer the fucking question! _

"Has it not occurred to you that in times of national alert, no travel is permitted for frivolous reasons? There are no exceptions for soldiers, not even a _small_ one. That aside, you are no longer a field agent, therefore this trip would serve no purpose." The sarcastic voice coming from the other side of that chair had him straining to breathe evenly, his nostrils flaring. His voice rose.

"But I have to leave now! Can't you sign me off? I know you'd love to get rid of me for a week. Yesterday you were complaining about my penmanship, uh— imagine a whole week of being able to read reports!"

He had to get out of here and that memo from a month ago had seemed the perfect answer. A small contingent of staff was required for limited service terms at a new base in the North. Admin had said the positions had not all been filled but had then turned around and told him he couldn't leave. And now the fucking bastard was refusing him. Nothing had been said about cancelling transfers and Ed knew he wasn't that indispensable that they could refuse his request. No, this was all Mustang's doing. It was all his fault.

Mustang swivelled around and Ed's furious eyes met the sardonic gaze of the Colonel. "As _marginally_ tantalizing as that sounds, there is one _tiny _flaw in your plan. The Fuhrer is the one needed to 'sign you off'. I am but a humble soldier working for this fine country."

Edward twitched, his whole body tensing. His eyes flickered and he took a deep breath but the smirk on the bastard's face was too much. He was tired, _sick and fucking bloody tired _of people trying to control him, trying to force things onto him and now the bastard was deliberately taunting him. He lunged forward and slammed his hands on the desk on either side of the file.

"Do not give me that shit! You always have a way around everything! Just get me somewhere remote for a week, anywhere! I'll even go and do your dirty work, you manipulative bastard! That's what you always want, isn't it? Some willing little dog! Why stop now?" Ed spat the words out, his stomach rolling. "Fuck you and your ulterior motives…"

"Get out." The words dropped between them and Edward glared at him.

"I'm not fini…" Ed tried to stare him down but Mustang's face had become carved in stone.

"I said _get out._ Is that so hard for your introverted mind to comprehend? I-want-you-out-NOW." Edward's eyes narrowed. He had never heard Mustang use that tone of voice before. He met the hard stare and couldn't believe the fury he saw in there as he suddenly saw a gloved hand lifting, fingers poised. Ed's anger was swamped by a hot wave of disappointment and his eyes flickered.

"Fuck you!" Ed snarled, turning to run, half hoping the bastard would snap so he could turn and clap. He kept going, straight through the office and out into the hall.

His eyes were burning. He couldn't let himself stop running because then he would start shaking and those burning eyes might just overflow. He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't going to break down here. He had to get out of here. Fucking bastard! _I've got to get out of here!_

* * *

Ed stopped running when he reached the train station. Lines of people were queuing at the ticket windows. Suitcases and bags were stacked next to groups of passengers. He looked around as he wove his way through the crowds. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen it this busy. Military uniforms abounded in one area and he blinked. Was that Hughes? He craned his neck and got a quick glimpse of dark hair and glasses before the crowd shifted again. As if. There was no reason for him to be here, and Ed knew no-one would be looking for him.

He brushed at his aching eyes as he neared the platforms and stopped, mentally cursing. Barriers had been set up to stop people getting close to the trains and soldiers stood beside each train. Stern faced and scanning the crowds, they inspected everyone boarding. His half hearted thought of sneaking aboard was not going to work unless he wanted to risk using alchemy and having the flare give him away. And guards outside the train usually meant guards on the inside as well.

National alert. Mustang's words came back to him and he growled silently. Great. He was trapped here. The only way out was resigning and he could just see that being accepted at a time like this. "Not going to happen is it?" he muttered.

He put his arms on the railing of the barrier fencing and rested his chin on them as he looked along the platforms. People moved around him and he ignored them as he stared vacantly forward.

He knew he was over-reacting, but he just couldn't handle the staring. It was pressure he just didn't need. Knowing they were telling Al everything made it difficult as well. He hadn't called Al this week at all simply because he knew what was going to be discussed. It shouldn't be like this. The last major fight had sent Edward storming back to Central all those months ago. He didn't want to repeat that and he hoped… no, he knew Al wouldn't want that either.

Why was it such a big deal to Al that his brother settle down? If Ed had his way, he'd never settle down, he'd wander wherever he wanted. There was another dream that was never going to come true either.

"You going somewhere, Boss?"

"Not now, Havoc." Ed said in a quiet voice and was surprised when a hand fell lightly on his right shoulder. He turned to see no teasing look but a pair of concerned blue eyes watching him.

"Come on, Ed. I'll give you a lift back."

Ed considered refusing but in the end he sighed and straightened up. Havoc slung his arm around the younger man's shoulders and steered him through the crowd, which had increased since Ed had arrived.

"Why are you here, Havoc?"

"Just dropping some stuff off." Given the expression he has seen earlier on Ed's face, Havoc wasn't about to admit that he had been chauffeuring people who were leaving Central. Several drivers were being used to ferry the families of some officials to the station so they could leave for the security of the outer provinces.

He had had Lieutenant-Colonel Hughes with little Elysia for this trip. He had tried hard not to listen to their talk. He had been hard pressed to keep the car at a steady speed. The thought that Elysia had to be sent away for her safety was disturbing to him and the temptation to put his foot down to release his anger had been great. He didn't know how Hughes had managed to stay as calm as he had. Only after had they gotten out of the car had he seen the man avoiding his eyes and had known then that there were some things you just couldn't let other people see.

It had been mere chance that he had seen the golden braid disappearing through the crowds and after helping the Lieutenant-Colonel with the small suitcase he had gone looking for the blond. He knew Hughes was going back with one of the other drivers later, so he felt quite free to go and chase the short blond down.

They moved smoothly through the crowds. Havoc kept his arm across Ed's shoulders and together they manoeuvred their way without losing that contact. When they reached the front of the station, Havoc removed his arm and Ed frowned at the sudden loss. He could feel it imprinted on his skin but the weight had gone. He slid into the car, still slightly puzzled at the sensation.

"So what did the Chief do this time?" Havoc asked as he began to drive.

"Just the usual," Ed said reluctantly and mendaciously.

"Liar." Havoc remarked and Ed turned his head to look at him. Havoc kept concentrating on the road. "It's never been so bad that you've gone running away like this, Boss. And don't tell me you were there waiting for someone."

Ed's eyebrows rose. There was a hint of steel in Havoc's voice he hadn't heard before. But Ed didn't want to talk. He didn't want to let anyone else know what was going on. It was bad enough knowing Falman and Sheska, and possibly Hawkeye, knew, but to have Havoc as well. That was just too many eyes.

"Leave it, Havoc," Ed said dismissively and turned back to the stare out the window.

"Not this time, Ed."

"Do not push this, Havoc." Ed warned, his voice dropping as his hand fisted.

Havoc shot him a quick look but Ed was still looking out the window. He made a decision and changed lanes to bring the car to a stop by the kerb. Ed turned to face him and Havoc could see the anger in the golden eyes.

"I am going to push this time, Ed." Havoc shifted to stare at the younger blond. "You've been a little shit most of the time I've known you, but you have never, _never_, run from anything, and especially not from the Chief. I want to know why. Before we get back to the office."

"It's none of your business." Ed said coldly, trying to get away from the blue eyes that just wouldn't stop staring at him.

"Probably not, but I'm making my business." Havoc's eyes narrowed. "You can't just bottle these things up. You have to talk about them."

"I don't have to do anything!" Ed snapped back and turned to the door, his hand going for the door handle.

"No! You're staying here." Havoc reached over and gripped Ed's right arm. He could feel the steel under the sleeve and tightened his hold. Edward glared at him and looked at Havoc's hand.

"Let go."

"No."

"Havoc, you're going to get hurt." Edward stated calmly and he moved his right arm slightly, tensing it against Havoc's grip.

"Possibly. But you are staying here and you're going to talk."

"Are you sane? Do you really think you can keep me here?" Edward's eyes widened and Havoc stared right back at him.

"My sanity has always been questionable." Havoc paused. "I'm your friend, Ed. I thought you were mine too. I'm not doing this for fun, or for anything else. I'm doing this because I care, okay?" Havoc kept his gaze as open as he could as Edward kept staring at him. He could feel his face growing warm, but he wasn't about to take his words back.

Edward pulled his arm and Havoc let go. Edward stared down at his arm and wrapped his fingers around it at the same spot Havoc had held it. Havoc watched as Edward took several deep breaths.

"The bastard won't let me leave Central." Havoc blinked and stayed quiet as Edward suddenly spoke. "He says I can't get out of here without the Fuhrer's permission."

Havoc watched as Edward's right hand fisted hard and he heard the joints creak. Edward was staring at his arm, but Havoc would bet he really wasn't seeing anything. He had seen the almost empty gaze Ed had had when he had first seen him at the station; that was the look on Ed's face now.

"I have to get out of here." The words were thin and Havoc leant closer. He didn't like the edge of desperation he caught.

"Ed…"

Haunted golden eyes turned to look at him. "I have to get out of here, Havoc."

"Why?" Jean asked as gently as he could and Ed's eyes flickered.

"Because they keep watching me." Jean stopped himself from frowning and blinked. That didn't make sense to him and the thought that Ed was paranoid leapt into his head.

"Who's watching?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Falman and Sheska." Havoc shook his head. Now it was officially delusional paranoia. He was certain of it.

"Why would they do that?"

Ed tensed as he caught the disbelief in Havoc's voice. He tried to calm himself down with a deep breath but it didn't work. Now he had started, he couldn't stop.

"Because my fucking brother asked them to!" He snarled and Havoc was startled. Edward was completely serious and upset.

"It's a bit hard…"

"A bit hard to believe?" Ed finished for him. "Then you listen to Falman next time he rings Al, or when Sheska rings Winry. Better yet, why don't you ring him so he can ask you to watch me as well!"

"Ed!" Havoc leant forward. "Why would they… why would I want to do that? Don't be stupid. I'm not going to do that."

"Why? Why?" Ed's eyes blazed. "Because they can't let me live my life as I want to. Because they feel the need to control what I do. Because I don't have a fucking girlfriend or boyfriend! Because I'm not fucking normal!"

"Ed!" Havoc slid along the seat and grabbed both of Ed's hands and held them tight as the blond took great big gasping breaths. "Easy does it, Ed. Just take your time." He watched as the angry colour began to fade and the eyes flickered.

"Take it slowly, one breath at a time." Havoc spoke as calmly as he could as his mind whirled. "Listen to me Ed. You are normal. You're as normal as the rest of us." He felt Ed's hands twitch. "You're probably a lot saner than I am. Fuck's sake Ed, it surprises me to realise you are so damned normal after all you've been through. Don't you see that?"

Edward blinked and Havoc nodded. He could see Ed's breathing getting easier, the harshness disappearing as he began to calm down. When was the last time Ed spoke to anyone, he wondered.

"Listen Ed, people are always going to tell you what to do. It's part of the military, it's part of life. Some we have to obey, others we can chose to follow or not. People will try and tell you what to do because they care, because they think you need the help, even when you don't."

"I know that." Ed's head dropped slightly. "I know that. It's the fact they feel the need to get the others to report back." Ed sighed, he was feeling lethargic and his sleepless nights were catching up to him. "I'm only eighteen, I don't need to be settling down."

"Hell no! Eighteen is too young." Havoc blinked. "Hang on. They want you to settle down? They're watching you to see who you go out with and stuff?"

Edward looked up to meet the startled blue eyes and smiled for the first time. "Yep."

"But that's... that's…"

"It's Al's way of knowing I'm not lonely without him. I think he also believes that if I have someone, it'll keep me here. That I won't go wandering anywhere. That I'll even go back to Resembool and stay there."

"That's a bit selfish of him." Havoc stated thoughtfully.

"He cares for me. No matter how much I don't like what he's trying to do, I always know that."

"There's always time for that sort of thing later. You just have to keep telling him that."

"I do, every time I talk to him."

They sat there for a long moment before Havoc let go of Ed's hands and slid back into his seat properly again. He started the engine and then looked at the young blond.

"So, which will it be, Ed? Boyfriend or girlfriend?"

Ed groaned and buried his head in his hands. He'd already said so much, he really didn't see a point to stopping now. "If I knew that, this wouldn't be getting to me as much as it is."

Havoc laughed softly. "Not decided yet?"

"No." Havoc's voice had been easy, friendly. No pressure, not even curiousity and Ed looked up, sensing a chance to get some information. "How do you choose anyway? Is it a choice?"

"Some say it is, some say it's the way you were meant to be. You just have to find the reason that feels right to you." There was a small pause. "Ed, some people know from the moment they start thinking about it who they prefer, others have to go through doubts and trial and error until they get to the right one. You're not the only who's been there." Ed frowned at the sudden change in Havoc's voice.

"You…?"

Havoc didn't look at him as he eased the car back into the flow of traffic passing them. "A long time ago."

Ed could hear the finality and knew not to ask further but he felt a loosening around his chest at the realisation that he wasn't the only one. He wondered which side Havoc had ended up choosing. Was that why he never kept girlfriends? Or was he just really bad with women anyway? Was he still having doubts and or was he changing again? Ed groaned. Oh fuck, did that mean it could take years before he knew for sure?

Havoc laughed at the sound. "Come on Boss, it's not that bad. After work I'll take you down to the bar. You sound like you need a night of no worries."

* * *

Jean Havoc had never been a vindictive man. He had an image of laid back and easy going and he worked hard to keep it like that. But the sight of_ his_ Kain Fuery in the company of a young and rather pretty Private had had his hands fisting and his blood boiling. As he drove the Colonel home, his hands were gripping the steering wheel tight.

"_Who_'_s that?" He had asked Ed as they had driven into the compound and he had seen the pair walking through the gates._

"_Parker…umm, a Private in Supply I think." Ed had twisted his head around to watch Fuery and the girl. "Elle, Ella, something like that."_

"_You know her?" Havoc had struggled to keep his voice from revealing his growing anger and shock. Fuery couldn't be interested in her. He couldn't be interested in anyone. He was supposed to become interested in Jean, not some flirty Private._

"_Sort of. Fuery introduced me the other day when I passed them at lunch."_

"_I didn't know he was seeing anyone." Havoc had muttered not able to completely conceal his dismay._

"_I don't know if they're seeing each other. They're just friends I think. Something about a cat, Fuery said, I think."_

"_In other words, you weren't really interested and you didn't listen."_

"_That's about it."_

_Sometimes, Jean had thought, it was hard to believe that Ed was a genius._

He looked in the mirror again. The Chief was looking out the window again. Jean frowned and wondered if he was doing the right thing but his conscience was easily silenced as he remembered the two of them walking together. He had no choice, not if he wanted Fuery to be his. He had to get her out of the way. He looked in the mirror at Mustang again. He was staring out the window again and hadn't spoken yet. He usually spoke at least once, if only to have a dig at Havoc's dateless state. But tonight there was nothing.

"So you're just going to sit there," Havoc asked, glancing in the mirror again. Mustang didn't move and Havoc took a deep breath, his hands tensing hard again.

"Fine, I'll talk. Have you met Private Parker? Ellen Parker?" He had done a quick check and found out her correct name. Ed hadn't been far wrong.

"No, I haven't, nor do I wish to at the moment unless it's important." The Colonel's voice sounded disinterested and Havoc frowned fleetingly. That tone didn't bode well for his scheme.

"You should. She's cute and pretty and single." Havoc made the comment as casually as he could as he brought the car to a stop outside the apartment block where the Colonel resided.

"Havoc, is there something you want to say? I'm tired and could care less, so spit it out and save us both a headache." Havoc bit his lip and took another breath as the Colonel got out of the car.

"You should ask Parker out Chief." He managed to say, a quick glimpse over his shoulder at the Colonel standing there before he turned and began to drive away.

His face was red, he could feel it and he hit his hand on the steering wheel. He felt like an idiot. A fucking jealous idiot. His conscience pricked at him and he snarled at it. He braked hard at the next corner when he saw a phone box and threw himself out of the car. He regained a small measure of control over himself as he rang through to the dorms.

"Not good company tonight," he murmured as he waited for the Duty Sergeant to pick it up. Tonight he wanted to drink, but he wanted it to be alone. There was no way he wanted anyone beside him as he drank himself into oblivion.

* * *

Ed sighed, half relieved and half annoyed when he received the message. He looked around his dorm. Oh well, he could get some reading done or draw some more arrays or go to bed. He could go to the bar. He was old enough. It would be getting out. Even if it was on his own.

He rubbed his hands down his thighs at the thought. Why did the thought of going out make him nervous? Or was it the going out alone that worried him?

"Thinking too damned much again," he told himself in a low voice. He let his breath out. He didn't want to go out on his own. It was why he was annoyed that Havoc had cancelled. He had gotten himself psyched up to go out and now he felt let down and he didn't have the confidence to go out to a new place on his own. He sighed. All these months of leading a hermit life had turned him into one. His room had become the place he felt safest and the thought of being around strangers in a strange place unsettled him.

His eyes flickered. Maybe Al had a point, a small one he hastened to add mentally. He wandered over to the table and picked up the first book before dropping down onto his bed. He wanted to bury himself in obscure calculations because he knew that once he started admitting that Al might, _might_, be right about one thing, he might start admitting that some of the other points might be valid as well.

He opened the book and looked at the first page. Why had Havoc cancelled anyway? Maybe he'd ask the blond tomorrow. _Maybe I'll ask him to go out this time. Take that, Alphonse Elric._ Ed grinned to himself. _Yeah, take that brother._

* * *

Havoc sighed in relief as he finally managed to get out of Headquarters. There was a bottle or three at his small flat with his name on it and he was anxious to get to them. He had thought to have been halfway through them by now, but the insidious paperwork had caught him as he had brought the car back.

Car usage, mileage, expenses and general service reports. His conscience had gotten its revenge by making sure he felt obligated to stay there and fill out every line, every page in his neatest, clearest writing. Havoc was now planning on buying an extra bottle just to make sure his conscience was nowhere near sober for a week.

The sudden shaking of the ground under his feet had him wondering if he'd started drinking without knowing about it, but the loud explosion that followed had his head whipping around.

A pillar of smoke was rising from one side of the compound and Havoc took off, running hard with other soldiers who began to appear. The ground shook again and he staggered. A rolling wave of dust came toward him and he put his arm up across his nose. It cleared and he came to a halt as he saw the damage.

The dormitory building had been blown open. A section of the wall had disappeared and rooms were visible on three sides of the gaping hole that was now there. Everything seemed to be angling dangerously, just waiting for the lightest touch to fall down onto those struggling to get out underneath. Havoc went closer and grabbed the nearest Sergeant.

"Get some men and get them to start shifting rubble from that side. We need to clear the way for the rescuers." The Sergeant moved away and began to gather some helpers and Havoc began to give other orders. He sent another Sergeant running for medics and another to start calling in all available personnel.

It was hours before he could get to a phone and he was exhausted and the sweat that trickled through the dust on his face looked more like tears.

"Sir, there's been another attack," Havoc said heavily when he heard the phone pick up. "Chief, you need to get down here. The men's dorms have been destroyed and we can't find Ed."

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for the comments and support we have received for this… we really appreciate it…

And now you need to go and read Spirix's half to find out what Roy and Maes have been doing and thinking…

It's been fun getting this chapter together and I probably upset the demon (don't deny it, Sp'rixy) slightly for suddenly looking at things through Havoc's eyes as well… but hey, Ed and Havoc are mine for this little enterprise… grins…I promise not to touch Roy or Maes… yet…laughs

silken :)


	3. Players In

**Four Suits**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Players In**

..0..

Edward opened one eye and stared at the steel beam in front of him. _That's unusual_, he thought and he blinked. _My head hurts, did I fall asleep reading again? It's a bit dark in here. _He went to lift his hand up to rub his eyes and blinked again when he couldn't move his left arm. He tried again but it was trapped. He tried to turn over and was stopped as something groaned. He tried to think straight but his mind seemed to be half asleep still. _Come on, Ed wake up. Something's not right here and you're still dreaming? Maybe I am dreaming? And why is there a beam in front of my face?_

Ed sneezed and dust rose in front of his face. He coughed and his ribs hurt. Pain seeped into his daze and he gradually became aware that he was lying on his side, his left arm trapped under him and his right arm locked against the beam he was starting to frown at. Something was holding his legs down and there was a sharp point poking into his back. He shifted and the groan echoed around him. He tried to focus but for some reason he could only see out of one eye. It was another moment before he realised that he was the source of the groans.

He was beginning to feel the pain as he woke up further, his eye adjusting to the darkness. He took a cautious breath testing his ribs. _Cracked, not broken I think. _He moved his head to look down to his legs and could only see his thighs. The rest of his legs were under the rubble. He flexed slightly and was almost positive he could feel his toes moving. He just hoped the automail was not damaged. He didn't want to even imagine the lectures he would receive if anything had happened to it. He looked again at his right arm. It appeared undamaged and he let go of the beam. The beam slipped and the rubble behind it shifted. Ed quickly put his arm back in place, pushing at the beam carefully.

"Fuck." He coughed and felt his ribs twinge again. This was not good. He was trapped and with one hand caught under him and the other having to hold that beam, he was unable to use his alchemy. He studied the debris and rubble. Shattered concrete interlaced with steel, wiring stretched and torn, timber and bricks.

_What's the bet the bastard Colonel's going to blame me for this one?_

* * *

Havoc stopped for a moment and stretched upward, his back aching harder than his eyes. Ed was under all of this mess, somewhere. He had to be. _And the little shit had better be alive as well or I'm going to kill him,_ Havoc thought furiously as he scanned the broken dorms.

Soldiers worked tirelessly, hauling bricks and steel, concrete and timber. Like ants they scurried over the debris, moving and searching for any survivors. Havoc had already pulled out two dead soldiers and an extremely lucky third. A makeshift triage tent had been set up for initial treatment before the injured were moved. Either to the infirmary or the nearby hospital, depending on how severely injured they were.

He looked around and spotted the Colonel scrambling over the rubble. Havoc had been rather surprised that the man had joined in, but he knew Mustang's main concern would be for Ed. That was the reason they were all here. Breda, Falman, Fuery, even Hawkeye was here. They had to find Edward, because none of them wanted to ring Al to tell him Ed was gone. Because they weren't going to lose one of their own.

"Hey, Havoc." The voice was tired and Havoc looked up to meet the equally tired looking eyes of Maes Hughes.

"Lieutenant-Colonel." Havoc replied, knowing there was exhaustion in his voice as well.

"He'll be fine." Hughes's long legs stepped over the uneven rubble and stood beside the blond.

"I know. It'll take more than this to kill that little shit." Jean turned away slightly as he heard the wobble in his voice.

"He's come through worse." Hughes replied. "Besides, Roy'll kill him if he doesn't make it out."

"Not if I find him first." Jean muttered, his hands clenching.

"Jean?" Hughes queried and Jean looked up, hoping the dirt and grime hid his guilty expression. He looked down again, before he spoke.

"It's my fault."

"Don't be stupid…"

"I'm not being stupid here. I know what it is and it's my fault Ed's under this somewhere. If I hadn't cancelled, if only we'd gone for that drink as I promised; he'd be safe and alive and clapping himself silly to help everyone else right now!" Jean shook slightly as the words fell out of him. He had been trying to keep these thoughts at bay, trying hard not to give into them. But it was getting harder as the night wore on.

"You didn't know this was going to happen, Jean." Hughes' voice was stern in Havoc's ears. "Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over."

"I know that! Shit, Hughes, I know that! But I was being selfish and now Ed's caught up in this. It's my fault he's in there!"

Jean felt distressed and Maes' hands at his shoulders calmed him slightly. "Ed will be fine. And it's not your fault. There was no way you could have known this was going to happen. Ed will be the first one to tell you that."

Jean dropped his head and spoke to the ground rather than face the man in front of him. "I hope so, Hughes. I really hope so."

* * *

His right arm shook slightly and the beam inched toward him. Ed blinked and pushed his hand back again. He was getting tired. Automail might be able to hold the beam in place, but the shoulder it was connected to was aching and the muscles cramping from having to stay positioned like this for so long. He had lost feeling in his arm and his leg. All he could move was his head.

The air was musty and the dust filtered down in small falls that made him cough occasionally. He was aching all over and it was becoming harder to concentrate. His head felt fuzzy and he found himself thinking in circles that made no sense.

_Just want _"…to get out of here." He mumbled as his thoughts became audible. He blinked and felt grit in his eye. It began to water and he blinked harder to clear it. He wanted to know what had happened to his other eye. It felt caked shut but he couldn't move his hand to touch it and find out.

_My head_"…hurts. Wish they'd hurry..." _up and find me. So useless _"…stuck here. Has to be a way…" _to get out of here. They will _"…be looking for me. Won't…"_ they? I really _"…hate this. So fucking useless." _Wish I had gone out now. _"I'm a stupid idiot. I should've…" _gone out. Tired, so fucking _"…tired."

His eye closed and his hand trembled. He took a breath that made him cough and his ribs burnt as he locked his arm again.

_They are coming. Someone will come._

* * *

Havoc kept moving across the rubble. The guilt was keeping him moving. It wasn't going to leave him until he could see Ed and know he was okay. He was a first class idiot. Like his consuming and one-sided desire for Fuery, now he was rolling himself into another emotional ball over Ed. Havoc wondered if there was any insanity in his heritage, because he was certainly feeling certifiable at the moment.

Shouts had his head whipping around, along with everyone else and they all paused as a limp form was pulled free and placed on a stretcher. Relieved sighs went across the site like a breeze as the blanket was pulled up to the chest and no further. A survivor. It renewed hope, it gave them all a much-needed boost and they started working again.

Havoc watched and waited as the word spread around, waiting for it to reach him. The survivor was a stranger, some Corporal he'd never heard of. He took a deep breath and began lifting debris again.

It was nearly dawn.

_We'll find you, Ed. We'll find you._

* * *

Ed sneezed again and groaned softly. This was wearing very thin. Why was it taking so long? He knew they'd have to be careful, he did know a bit – a lot – about collapsed buildings, but he had never been trapped in one before. Not able to use alchemy, not able to move. It was frustrating and it was starting to get to him. He wasn't designed to stay still and remain in one place. He needed to get out.

He looked at the circle he was trying to scratch on the beam. He just didn't have the control over his fingers at the moment. He gritted his teeth and started again. A small mark appeared and he had to turn his wrist to try and make it longer. His shoulder protested and his hand slipped from its hold on the beam. With a muffled curse, he propped the beam up again and trembled as his body throbbed.

_Fucking_"… hurts." He glared as best he could at the circle. Even alchemy was useless. _I really, really hate this. I really, really_ "…hate …"

"Hello?"

Ed froze. He listened. Had he just heard something? _Is someone_ "…there?" His voice broke slightly. He listened again and something rumbled close by. Dust fell around him and he coughed. _Be care_ "…ful, idiots."

"Is someone in there?" It was a voice, it was someone's voice. Someone was out there. He began to chew on his tongue to create some saliva to ease his dry mouth.

"…Yes," he croaked and hoped whoever it was could hear him.

"Hold on and don't move! We'll get you out in a moment."

_Like I was planning to _"…go anywhere, stupid moron."

The shifting noises halted for a moment.

"Ed?" The voice was startled. "Is that you?"

"No, I'm at the fucking Library, you idiot." Ed snapped back weakly. He didn't recognise the voice, but it was someone, someone who knew him. They had been looking for him. He closed his eye and let his breath out and tried to concentrate on the noises around him. No loud shouts, just a steady shifting of the rubble. His arm was twitching again but he kept still. He couldn't let it go just yet. Not now someone was finally here. Not now he knew he was going to get out. Something shifted and fresh air wafted into his nose. He took a deep breath and coughed, hissing as his ribs ached.

"Ed?"

He opened his eye and turned his head slightly, looking upwards and finding a gap in his prison. There was a dark silhouetted head against the pale light and he had to blink as his eye adjusted and he saw dark eyes staring down at him.

"Mustang." Relief went through him and he sagged slightly. For once, seeing the Colonel was the best thing he could imagine. The beam shifted as his arm relaxed and he straightened his arm again, finding it harder now.

"Ed, how bad is it?"

"My legs are stuck and there's a beam that wants to squash me, other than that it's fine." He kept his voice light. Not for anything was he going to admit to feeling close to breaking down now that it was over.

"I'll get some of the others and we'll get you out as soon as we can." The dark head began to move away and Ed twitched.

"Mustang!" he called and heard how weak his voice sounded. The bastard probably wouldn't hear him. But the dark eyes reappeared.

"What?"

"Don't let it be too long." What little colour he still had seemed to flare in his face as he heard the unintended plea for reassurance in his voice and he turned his head away. He was startled at a light touch against his forehead and turned back to see Mustang drawing back his hand.

"It won't be long. I promise." He disappeared from Ed's view and Ed swallowed hard. He hadn't meant to sound that needy.

"Better keep that promise, bastard." Ed whispered softly and heard Mustang shout to someone. Much as he hated to admit it, that brief touch and those few words were just what he needed and he blinked hard as his eye burnt. Relief and reassurance. Who knew the bastard could give him that?

"Ed?" Another voice broke into his thoughts

"Hughes?"

"Thank God you're okay. Listen, we're going to move some of this away. You have to tell me if it starts to fall on you."

"Gee thanks Hughes. I can see this is a first class operation." A bubble of hysteria threatened at the back of his throat and he swallowed hard. He wasn't going to lose it now.

Ed could hear voices above him and he could feel the rubble shifting. Maes stayed with him and as the time went on, Ed began to imagine he could feel the weight on his legs getting lighter. Directions went back and forth and although it felt like a long time to an increasingly impatient Ed, it probably wasn't that long before they could finally lift the beam out of the way. Ed dropped his arm down with a sigh of relief, which quickly became a grimace as his shoulder began to cramp at the sudden lack of pressure.

"Ed?" Maes looked at him in concern.

"Cramp." Ed grunted and twitched harder as he was suddenly able to roll over. Long arms reached down and he was pulled upwards. He briefly caught a glimpse of Falman's face before he arched with a curse as something sharp sliced down his back. "Fuck!" Hughes caught him before he slipped back.

"Damn. Sorry Ed." Maes held him still for a moment. "Havoc, there's something in the way. Can you get it?"

Ed waited as he felt hands at his back, half his body numb and the other half twitching into a cramp. His ribs were beginning to burn as they waited.

"Got it." Havoc suddenly announced and Maes hauled Ed up in a smooth motion. He felt himself being placed on a stretcher and was half sliding off it before Hughes lifted his legs on to it. A blanket was placed on him and grimy hands pulled it up to his chest. He looked up and met Havoc's equally grimy face.

"Hey Havoc," he said lightly over a wince as his left arm began to tingle.

"Hey Boss." Havoc's voice was subdued and Ed stared at him. Everyone else looked pleased, but Havoc had a strange look in his eyes and he seemed down.

"I'm off to let Roy know you're out, Ed." Maes said as he straightened up. "Havoc can make sure you get to the medics."

"Okay. Thanks Hughes." Ed lifted a blanket covered hand as the thin man left. Havoc straightened the blanket and took one end of the stretcher as Falman picked up the other end.

"Let's get you out of here, Boss."

"Sounds good to me." Ed turned his head and looked around at the devastation as they picked their way through debris. "Where's the bastard anyway?" He asked. He had expected Mustang to return with everyone else. After finding him, surely the bastard hadn't ignored him and gone to do something else?

"There was some clown walking around in a fancy suit. The Chief went to set him straight, I think." Havoc remarked and Ed frowned at the obvious effort Havoc was making to sound normal.

"I saw him earlier. Some one said it was Kimblee." Falman said over his shoulder as he led the way.

"_Kimblee_? Are you sure?" Havoc's hands gripped so hard the stretcher shifted and Ed looked from one to the other, startled at the shock in Havoc's voice.

"That's what they said." Falman replied calmly.

"Who's Kimblee?" Ed asked. His head was aching and it was becoming harder to remain still as nerves in his arm and leg began to lose their numbness.

"Kimblee? He was called the Crimson Alchemist." Falman began.

"He's a murdering son of a bitch! I thought he was locked up somewhere. Who'd be so stupid as to let him out?"

"It's a logical assumption, Havoc. Given the nature of this evening and the methods the terrorists are using, Kimblee would be classed as an expert in this field."

"That logic stinks. I don't care how logical it is, that guy went through how many of his own men just to get the chance to blow up the rebels back then? It was because of him, that we were so hated back then. Ishbal wouldn't have been half the trouble it was if he hadn't been there." Havoc frowned darkly and Ed twitched as he heard the suppressed anger.

Ed twitched again and bit his lip as his right leg spasmed. He arched slightly, his hands shifting to grip at the sides of the stretcher.

"How much…longer to the infirmary?" He asked around another twitch and Havoc looked down at him.

"We're going to triage first Ed, it's closer and we're nearly there."

"Good." Ed twitched again and felt his leg kick.

"Boss?" Havoc queried as he and Falman had to hold the stretcher tight as it threatened to tip.

"My nerves are…shit! ... I'm getting the feeling back in my leg and it's rather…" _painful_ "…it's aching a bit." He replied and then had his left arm spasm as well.

Several deep breaths later had him on a bed and gritting his teeth as his arm and leg spasmed almost continually. Sharp pain shot through him with every spasm and he couldn't stop the way his body arched and twisted in convulsing waves.

Havoc stayed beside him and watched, unable to help but unwilling to leave. Sweat dripped from the younger man's face, tracking through the dirt and blood. Havoc pushed the long bangs back and used the cloth the medic had left them to swipe across his forehead. Ed was so pale under the grime. There was a long cut disappearing into his hair above his eye and a swollen bruise had formed around it, forcing his eye closed. The blood had run down the side of his face and had soaked into his hair.

Ed arched up again without a sound and Havoc waited until he had slumped down before dragging the damp cloth across his face again. Ed's breathing was rough and Havoc could see the twitches and tremors that didn't seem to want to stop.

"This really… sucks." Ed gasped between tremors.

"I can see that," was all Havoc could say, not meeting the single eye.

"What's…up with… you?"

"I…it's nothing. It can wait." Havoc replied, keeping his face averted as he swiped a bit harder than necessary down Ed's face, making him hiss. "Sorry." Havoc gritted out.

"What... the hell?" Ed made to reach for Havoc's hand but another spasm had him twisting away. His right hand gripped at the rail and it bent slightly as he arched, his leg kicking into the air. It seemed a long moment before he slumped back to the bed.

"Ed?"

"Fuck… I'm going to break… a rib if this... doesn't stop soon." Ed panted.

"Your ribs hurt?" Havoc asked.

"Yeah…just a bit cracked, I think." Ed kept his breathing shallow for a moment before taking a deeper breath, ignoring his painful ribs. "At least my automail is ok." He added as he lifted his arm up to inspect it.

"Elric?"

They both turned to see a harassed looking man approaching the bed. His white coat was more grey than white. A folder in his hand and an exhausted look on his face, he came closer.

"That's me." Ed said and eyed the doctor warily.

"I'm Cimon. I just need to get you checked over before we send you to the infirmary."

"I don't need to go there. I'm fine." Ed protested and then grunted as another spasm went through him. "Just strap my ribs and let me go," he said breathlessly after he had managed to get himself under control again.

"Your ribs?" Cimon stared at the blond. The cut above his eye needed stitching, he was twitching constantly and there was no telling what other injuries he had.

"Yeah, they're a bit cracked and all this thrashing about…" shallow breath "…is going to break one soon."

"You've done this before?"

"Once or twice." Ed grinned slightly, his easy pose destroyed as his body twitched hard again. "And another hour or so should see this pass." He said as casually as he could. He tapped his right arm. "I do know my own nerves."

Cimon looked at the automail and realised that was probably true but the young blond had another thought coming if he thought he was going to get out of here so easily.

"I'll grant you that one, but I need to examine your head wound and also to make sure you haven't done any other damage. So let's start at the top shall we?"

Ed watched the man as he began looking at his head, hands shifting through his matted hair. He winced several times and had to struggle to remain still as his nerves kept twitching.

"We'll need to cut your hair to get at it, it's rather deep but it doesn't look like you've actually managed to crack your skull. I'll have to stitch that closed."

Havoc found something to smile at as Ed stared in horror at the doctor.

"No fucking way!"

* * *

"So much for friendship." Ed sulked on the bed and glared, one eyed up at the tall blond sitting on his thighs.

"It's this or being strapped down, Boss. Which do you want?"

Ed crossed his arms and frowned. "Neither. This is all so unnecessary." He ignored the disbelieving look that Havoc and the doctor shared.

"Major Elric, if you don't stay still, I'm not going to be able to do this properly." Cimon told him in a firm voice. "Given the way you react to needles, you've left me little choice. Either you remain still now or I will have you sedated as well as strapped down."

"Come on Ed. It won't take long." Havoc tried to be reassuring as he looked down at the younger man. The moment the doctor had brought the needles out Ed had started protesting. Loudly and trying to twist away despite his ribs. Finally Havoc had climbed onto the bed, sat himself on Ed's legs and threatened him with being strapped down.

"I hate you." Ed grumbled as he tried to move his legs and couldn't.

The last time Havoc had been in a position like this he had wanted the man beneath him to move. The last time he had been like this it had not been with a stubborn blond. He looked down at Ed and blinked. Where had that thought come from? Ed wasn't his type. Small yes, but Jean wanted short dark hair, not long golden hair, to run his fingers through. He wanted soft brown eyes, not bright golden ones, to be looking up at him. He wanted Fuery not Elric.

He watched the doctor cut away the hair above Ed's left eye, working to expose the long trailing cut beneath. Cleaning the blood and dirt away had Ed shaking again and Havoc kept his weight firmly in place until it was done. The doctor kept the needle out of sight as he threaded it and then began to suture the wound.

He could feel Ed's legs shaking beneath him and he pressed his weight down more. He could see Ed's jaw working as the spasms hit him again and he leant forward, putting his hands on Ed's wrists as the blond reached out to grip at the sides of the bed again.

"You can't move now, Ed." Havoc pressed Ed's arms into the mattress.

"I know," Ed said harshly. He could feel the throbbing in his head increasing, small tugs telling him exactly what was happening. He gritted his teeth again. His nerves were settling, they didn't twitch as strongly and they weren't so continual anymore. But with their easing he was becoming aware of all the other aches and pains. His head and his ribs were making themselves known and there was a wet patch on his back that he was now aware of as Havoc kept him in place.

It was a long five minutes before the doctor sat back and Havoc straightened up. He looked around as he stretched slightly. Orderlies were removing the only other patient and Havoc wondered just how many they had managed to save.

"Done. We'll cover that loosely for now. After you've cleaned up, we'll put a proper dressing on it." Cimon said as he studied his work. "I'll get it now along with some strapping for your ribs." He stood up and left the bed.

"You ok, Ed?" Havoc asked almost hesitantly as he began to lift his weight from Ed's legs.

"Yeah, my head hurts a bit." Ed reached up to poke at the raised line of stitches.

"I'm sorry." Havoc bit his lip and paused, taking a quick look around and seeing the tent empty for the moment, slowly sinking down onto the bed again. He looked down and he absently twisted his fingers in the filthy t-shirt Ed was wearing.

"What for?" Ed stared at him puzzled. Havoc hadn't hurt him. Al had sat on him before now in doctor's surgeries and that armour had been a damn sight heavier that Havoc was.

"If I hadn't cancelled, you wouldn't have been stuck in there." The words rushed out and he felt Ed tense up beneath him. "You wouldn't have been hurt."

Edward blinked up at the older man. "You didn't know this was going to happen." Ed felt confused. Why would Havoc think it was his fault?

"I know that. But even so, it's my fault."

Guilt and blame. Ed knew them well and he could hear them in Havoc now.

"Havoc, it's not your fault." Ed paused. "I…I nearly went out anyway after you said you couldn't make it. If I had… if I had done that, I could still have been back here and still gotten caught in it."

"I shouldn't have cancelled. I was just being selfish."

"Hav…Jean, look at me." Ed ordered and guilty blue eyes met his golden one. "It's not your fault. I'll say it as often as I have to. It's not your fault. I'm not even really hurt."

"But you could have been." Havoc felt something ease inside him but still felt he had to protest.

"You're an idiot, Jean. Like a building's going to stop me." Ed scoffed lightly, watching closely as the lines around those red rimmed eyes eased.

"Well, well, this looks cosy. Is it a private party or can anyone join in?"

Ed felt Havoc go rigid and looked beyond him to the uniformed man who had just appeared. The smooth voice belonged to him. Everyone else was coated in dust but this man appeared clean. As if the dust had ignored him, as if he was already too unclean. Ed twitched. There was something wrong with him. The long neat hair, the palpable air of politeness seemed too good, too composed and too deliberate. Ed saw the mask, he couldn't see what it was hiding.

"Definitely private." Havoc said in a low tone without turning around. His hands fisted in Ed's t-shirt and he closed his eyes for a moment. He fought the urge to go and pound the guy into the ground, knowing he had no chance of actually surviving if he did.

"A pity. I've always been partial to blonds." Footsteps approached and Ed saw Mustang approaching. He saw the dark eyes widen just before the stranger spoke again. "Although the occasional brunette is always worth playing with."

"Lieutenant-Colonel." Mustang spoke and the stranger turned to face him.

Ed watched them stare at each other and felt Havoc begin to shift on the bed. Blue eyes met gold briefly as Havoc swung down from the bed. Ed's legs twitched and he shifted, trying to sit up. Havoc slid an arm behind to help support him as he straightened up.

"Two blonds Roy, haven't you even been tempted once? The younger one looks rather tasty."

The arm at his back tensed and he looked up startled as Havoc stopped breathing. The sudden rush of movement had Ed staring as Mustang gripped the stranger by the collar of his shirt and almost dragged him from the tent.

"Havoc?" Ed looked back at the blond. "Jean?"

Havoc moved slowly and pulled his hand out from behind Ed. "You're bleeding, Ed." His voice was distant.

"I know, don't worry about it. Jean, what's wrong?" Ed reached up as Havoc started to move away. He grabbed at the blond's jacket and pulled him back. "Who was that guy?"

"That was… Kimblee." The answer came reluctantly.

"The Crimson Alchemist you mentioned earlier?"

"Yes."

"What did he do to you, Jean?" Ed asked without thinking and blazing blue eyes glared at him. Ed met it without flinching. "What did he do?"

"He killed someone I loved." Havoc spat out and felt himself shaking. Ed's grip tightened as he recognised the pain in Havoc's voice. Ed didn't know what to do. He'd always been the one feeling that sort of pain. He didn't know what to do when someone shared theirs with him. He tried to think what others had done to him when he had been hurting and he came up rather blank. He didn't share it. He hadn't shared it, except with Al. Winry and others had asked but he had never really opened to them. He had only talked to Al. Talked and hugged. That was all they had needed to get them through.

But this was Havoc and while hugging his brother was acceptable, he wasn't sure if hugging Jean was.

He looked at the strained face and shrugged. _Oh what the hell_ he thought, and he pulled Jean down further, placing his arms around him in a loose hug. It felt strange, but he could feel the taller man shaking so he tightened his arms, trying to convey support.

"Ed?" Jean's whisper was surprised.

"Don't... just don't." Ed said, feeling his face flush. Jean trembled slightly and then his arms went around Ed and his head rested on the younger blond's shoulder.

"Thanks."

* * *

The doctor and Hughes found them like that a few moments later and they separated, Ed seeing the tension had eased slightly in Jean's face. Ed saw Hughes look from him to Havoc and the tired green eyes sharpened.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Havoc replied tersely.

"Just an asshole," Ed answered.

"Which one?" Hughes queried.

"Kimblee," Ed said. "But the bastard took him out."

"Roy did?" Maes frowned and turned on his heel and left. Ed looked at Havoc.

"Everyone knows Kimblee's dangerous. The Lieutenant-Colonel'll make sure it's okay." Havoc ran a hand through his dusty hair, his mouth turned down. "The mongrel deserves to be put down." He added viciously.

"Fascinating as all this is," the doctor suddenly said. "I need to strap your ribs now, Major. I don't need to have you restrained, do I?"

"There's blood on his back too, Doc. The brat probably ripped his spine out while he was trying to escape the needles." Havoc added and Ed glared at them both.

"That's right, make fun of the injured why don't you. Bastards."

* * *

Edward stared at the white ceiling and sighed. Infirmary rooms were so bland. He hated being in hospitals at the best of times. He stretched slightly and felt the strapping hold him in place. Three cracked ribs, that doctor had said. More stitches in his back as they had found a gash down his back. Probably from whatever he had caught on as they were dragging him out. And he had bruises everywhere. He had scrubbed at several when they had finally let him have a shower before he had realised that it wasn't dirt on his skin, but yet another bruise.

The only good thing was that his automail was undamaged. It was dirty and scratched but still sound. Havoc had offered to ring up Al, and Ed had begrudgingly accepted. He knew he had to tell them, before they read about it in the papers, or heard it on the radio. And Havoc knew exactly how badly he was _not_ hurt and could reassure them that Ed really was fine and that there was no need for them to come here. Ed had told Havoc exactly what he could say to Al, along with several things _not_ to say.

He yawned slowly and turned his head into the pillows. He was tired and the medication they had given him was starting to kick in. His headache was a dulled throbbing now and it was nice to be between clean sheets and there really wasn't anything else he needed right now. He let his eye close. The doctor had said that he should be able to open his eye tomorrow. The swelling should start to subside overnight. He certainly hoped so.

He had seen himself in the bathroom mirror and had not been impressed. He wondered how long it would take for his hair to grow back and whether he ought to get the other side removed to make it even. The new dressing covered the long almost shaved stripe on his head, but half his bangs were gone and he looked stupid and unbalanced. Maybe he'd ask Havoc when he returned.

He yawned again and slipped deeper into the pillows. He'd ask later…_Jean'll know._

* * *

Jean Havoc leant against the wall, the phone tucked between shoulder and ear and lit his cigarette as he waited for someone to answer.

"_Rockbell Automail."_

"Al. It's Havoc calling."

"_Lieutenant Havoc! It's good to hear from you."_ Al's voice echoed in his ear.

"Al, Ed asked me to ring."

"_Is Ed alright? What's he done now?"_ Al asked and Havoc frowned. He would have expected Al to have been more concerned and not to sound almost long-suffering about it. He recalled Ed's attitude yesterday on the car and wondered just how much of a rift there was between the two.

"There's been a terrorist incident here. At Headquarters."

"…_Ed? He's alright? Isn't he? Havoc? He's not…"_ Al's voice rose.

"No, Al. Ed's fine. Listen to me. Ed's in the infirmary but it's nothing serious."

"_How bad is it?"_ Havoc could Al taking several deep breaths and kept his voice relaxed.

"A couple of cracked ribs, lots of bruises and a couple of cuts that needed stitching." Havoc waited as he heard voices in the background and he listened as Al told the others there. One question rose above the rest and Havoc grinned. Ed had prophesised that one. Havoc spoke before Al could repeat it.

"And his automail is fine, scratched a bit but it's not damaged. Everything is fine. The doctor checked him over thoroughly."

Al sighed deeply. _"What sort of incident was it?"_

"It'll be on the radio later probably. An explosion at the dorms. We lost several men and a lot of people are hurt."

"_Then Brother… he could have…"_

"Yes, he could have, but he didn't. No building is going to get the better of him, you know that. Even Ed said that. He told me to tell you not to worry. As soon as he can, he'll ring you, okay. Then you'll be able to hear it for yourself."

"_We'll be on the next train."_

"Al..." Havoc paused. "Ed said he didn't want you to do that."

"_What? Why not? Of course I'm coming!"_

"Al, he said he didn't want you here, that he was fine and that you had to let him do this one on his own."

"_What does that mean? 'On his own'? What's he talking about?"_

"I don't know. I'm just passing the message along. You need to wait for him to ring you and then you can talk about it." Havoc spoke firmly. He wasn't going to get caught in the middle of two squabbling Elrics.

"_But Havoc... I have to come there. Where will he stay? Who's going to make sure he's okay?"_

"Look Al, we're all here for him. We'll find somewhere for him to stay and the doc knows how to treat him. Ed's not getting away with anything this time. We'll let you know the minute there's a problem." Havoc took a deep breath. "I'll wheel him to the phone myself later, so you can talk to him."

"_Why not now?"_

"Because he's sleeping now. I'll make sure he rings you tonight. He should be awake by then."

"_Okay."_ Al sounded resigned.

"Don't worry Al. I'll look after him."

First things first, Havoc thought as he hung up. A shower and a change of clothes, and then back to see Ed. He stretched and maybe some sleep as well. The less time he had free to think, the better he'd be.

* * *

_It was dark. He couldn't move. He could smell blood, he could hear it dripping somewhere behind him but he couldn't turn to see it. There was something lying across his chest and it hurt to breathe. He tried to push it away but his hands weren't there. He lifted his arms and saw only blackness. His heart thumped and he had tried to speak, but nothing happened. It was getting darker and he shivered as something wet began to appear beneath him, spreading slowly across the floor. He tried to move again and couldn't. Trapped, trapped someone whispered and it echoed. Trapped, trapped._

_Trapped, trapped. "Got to get out…out of here, get me out of here." Something brushed against his forehead and his heart thumped again before he could open his eyes._

Ed shifted and blinked hazily. His breath puffed out and he suddenly went still, his heart pounding in his ears. He looked around, the room was empty. He tugged at his twisted blankets and managed to get his arm free and lifted a shaky hand to his head. He could have sworn someone had touched him. He shook his head carefully. Maybe it had just been part of the nightmare. It had seemed so real. He breathed as deep as the strapping would let him and settled into his pillows. Maybe Havoc had been here and he hadn't imagined the touch. But if it had been him, why wasn't he still here?

The door opened slowly and Ed's eye went wide as he saw the Fuhrer enter.

"Sir." Ed struggled to sit up but Bradley waved a hand at him and he let himself slip back.

"Don't move, Fullmetal. I can see you're hurt." The man held up a pink string bag with a melon in it and Ed smiled slightly. "I brought you a gift."

"Thank you Sir." Ed watched as the Fuhrer set the melon on the bedside table and then sat on the chair close by. They stared at each other for a long moment.

'It's been a while, Edward. You look better than I expected." The Fuhrer said evenly.

"Yes Sir. I was…lucky."

"Luck is always a good thing to have." He paused for a moment. "And has your brother has been notified yet?

"Yes Sir. First-Lieutenant Havoc was going to ring him for me."

"And he's doing well?"

"Yes Sir, Al's fine. He prefers our old home."

"I might send him a gift too." The Fuhrer mused and Ed shook his head slowly.

"No Sir." Ed met the single dark eye. "Al…I haven't told him. Attention from you would start him asking questions again."

"Do you intend to tell him?"

"I'd like to say never but, I know that I will have to tell him one day." Ed looked at his right hand and the fingers closed slowly. "He doesn't need to know yet."

"You did nothing to be ashamed of, Edward." The Fuhrer spoke softly.

"I know, but a promise was made and I have to keep that promise."

"If you want to be released from our agreement…"

"No!" Ed winced as his head throbbed. "Sorry, Sir. It's not that. It's just we…I said I'd never say anything about it."

"Very well, but if you reconsider the matter, you know where I am."

"I know Sir. Thank you."

Ed stared at the wall, curling up under the blankets as much as he could, after the Fuhrer left. Memories he kept tightly controlled threatened to break forth. Every time he saw the one-eyed man he was reminded of it.

* * *

_Walls of swirling red surrounded him and thick black lines were painted over every surface. He saw it above him and below him. The red water shimmered behind the arrays._

_There were two of them, both blond, both alchemists, both dying. Facing each other. One kneeling, one standing._

"_You must end this." The older man looked at the kneeling figure._

"_I can't." The reply was tormented._

"_You must. Without this, you will never get what you want."_

"_Why does it have to be like this?"_

"_It's the price required."_

"_And if I don't pay it?"_

"_You already know the answer, Edward."_

"_I can't." Ed repeated, looking down at the swirling floor._

"_You'd rather die here and leave him condemned to the armour?"_

"_His life has always been worth more than mine!"_

"_Then save him, you fool!"_

"_Why don't you do it?"_

"_Because it's not my place, Edward. I can't leave here anymore. Only you can, if you act now."_

"_I…"_

"_You have hated me for so long. Why do you hesitate?"_

"_Because…because you're his father too."_

"_Al won't blame you, my son." The room shivered around them. "Edward, you must do it now."_

_Edward got up from his knees, his arms hanging limply at his sides. Golden eyes met as they took a step closer to each other. Simultaneous claps echoed and Edward's hands met those of Hohenheim. Unheeded tears ran down Edward's face as the reaction flared about him, and his father smiled at him just before the reaction took him into it. The concussive wave had Edward falling to his knees and feeling the array beneath him flare again. He pressed his hands to it and began to weave the flow through the pathways laid out on the walls._

* * *

"Ed?"

The voice startled him and he looked up to see Havoc frowning at him.

"Are you ok? You're shaking." Havoc laid his fingers at Ed's forehead for a moment. "You're not feverish."

"I'm okay." Ed said abruptly and began to try and sit up. Havoc reached around him and began to help pull him up, settling the pillows behind him.

"There you go." Then he paused and pointed. "What is that?"

"It's a gift from the Fuhrer." Ed grinned slightly at Havoc's wide eyes.

"Remind me never to get hurt. What the hell do you do with it?"

"You eat it, you idiot."

"I'll leave that up to you, Boss." Havoc sat down in the chair and surveyed the younger blond. "You're looking better."

"I feel fine."

"Liar. You've slept most of the day away and you still look tired. Your face is turning all interesting colours and you can't move very well. Yes, I can see how fine you are."

"Shut up, Havoc." Ed groused at him and Havoc grinned.

"Okay, first you have to ring your brother." Havoc saw Ed grimace. "If you really don't want him on the next train, then you will speak to him. You got me to tell him about all of this, the least you can do is speak to him."

"I know." Ed sighed and looked at his hands.

"Ed, whatever is going on between you, he is still your brother." Havoc leant back in the chair and saw Ed sigh again. "I have a wheelchair with your name on it just outside the door." He smiled as he stood up and went to get it.

"You're a sneaky bastard." Ed complained as Havoc wheeled it to the bedside and then had to help Ed get into it. "Damn," he muttered as his legs wouldn't support him and he almost slipped. Havoc wrapped his arms around him and lowered him into the chair without saying anything and Ed was grateful for that.

Ed was relieved to be out of the room and he wondered if he could persuade Havoc to push him around a bit more, anything to delay going back to that room.

* * *

"_Brother! You're alright?"_

"Yes, Al, I'm fine. A bit battered but everything is fine." Ed soothed his brother as best he could.

"_We started hearing about it on the radio this afternoon. I'm glad we knew you were alright. It sounds like it was a mess there."_

"Yeah, I haven't seen it either. They've had me sleeping all day."

"_How long will you be in hospital for?"_

"It's not the hospital. They've got me in the infirmary here. And they say a couple of days for observation. You know they always want to do that."

"_You're really okay, Brother?"_

"Yes Al, I really am."

"_I want to be there with you. But I was thinking earlier about what you said, about doing it on your own."_ Al paused. _"You always let me do what I wanted, even when it all went wrong, you never really meant all those complaints. I should learn to do the same, to let you go a little bit, but I …I worry about you Brother."_

"I worry about you too. I will always tell you if anything happens, or get word to you somehow. You'll always be my brother."

"_And you mine. But I'm still going to worry."_

"I know. I wouldn't expect otherwise."

* * *

Ed leant back against his pillows and let his breath out.

"See, it wasn't so bad." Havoc said lightly as he put the wheelchair against the wall and came back to the bedside.

"No, it wasn't. Except now he's worried about what will happen to me when I leave here." Ed grinned. "A few quick claps and circles and we could have rebuilt them in no time at all."

"I don't think so, Ed. As far as we know, everyone's accounted for now but they still need to go through it for evidence and start working on catching whoever did this."

"I never thought of that, but they'll find somewhere to billet us all, I guess. I'm not too worried about it."

"You can stay with me if you want."

Ed looked at Havoc and they both blinked at the same time.

"Well, it's not like you've got much stuff to bring with you." Havoc added, wondering what had made him offer to help Ed out.

Ed blinked again. Everything he owned was buried under the rubble. He didn't even have the clothes on his back anymore. They had been removed and destroyed and he was wearing infirmary issue plain light blue pyjamas. All his notes and books, uniforms and clothes were all gone.

"Shit." He'd never been this homeless before.

"My place isn't much, but it has a couch and it's close to Headquarters. It'll do until we know what's going on."

"Are you sure, Havoc?"

"Wouldn't have offered if I wasn't," he drawled in reply. "Let's face it Ed. If you don't have somewhere to go, they'll move you from pillar to post and take their own sweet time about it. Trust me, I know how it works."

"If you're sure," Ed replied cautiously, not wanting to impose. He had heard from Al more than enough times about how difficult he was to live with.

"I'm sure, so don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried." Ed grinned as he settled down in the bed. "You're the one who should be worried."

"As long as you wash the dishes I'll have no complaints."

"Are you fucking joking?" Ed stared at him. "I never wash dishes." Havoc stared back and was beginning to frown when Ed added. "I only dry them."

"If you weren't already hurt, I think I'd hit you for that one." Havoc said in a firm voice.

"Even when I'm like this, you don't stand a chance against me."

"Don't be too sure of that, shorty." Havoc grinned at him.

Ed sat up straight and then fell back as his ribs and back pulled hard. "Ouch, that was unfair you bastard."

Havoc laughed. It felt good to tease the blond and Ed was comfortable to be around. Seeing Kimblee this morning had rattled him more than he wanted to admit. The last time he had seen him had been in Ishbal, before they had arrested him. Havoc had been one of many who had come running as the rumour had spread of another alchemist defying Kimblee.

* * *

_In the middle of a devastated street he had seen Kimblee and a smaller, slender dark haired man facing off. The stranger had had a gloved hand raised and Havoc had seen the circle on it. Flame Alchemist. Everyone had heard of him. Said to be as ruthless as Kimblee when it came to battles, but unlike Kimblee he almost vanished when not fighting. Havoc had seen fallen soldiers and Ishballans around them and his eyes had fixed on one of the fallen soldiers and he had forgotten all about the Flame Alchemist._

_Whatever they were saying vanished beneath the roaring in his ears. He was barely cognizant of Kimblee being arrested. As the crowd had begun to disperse, he began to move, his feet carrying him blindly past everyone to the one, the only one he had thought he would ever love. He had sat there beside him for over an hour until they came to collect the bodies._

"_A friend of yours, soldier?" A cool female voice asked._

"_Yes." Havoc replied absently, without looking at her as he stretched his hand out brushing the hair from Owen's forehead. "My best friend." _

"_We'll take good care of him."_

"_Thanks." Havoc looked up briefly to see red-brown eyes looking at him sympathetically. _

"_Do you know if he has any family?"_

"_No, no family." Havoc looked back at the becalmed face. _

"_I'll get his tags sent to you then."_

"_Yeah…he always said that…" Havoc bent his head further as his voice broke and her hand rested on his shoulder as he shook with silent tears. _

"_The bastard's going to rot in jail for this." Her voice was mellow but he heard the suppressed anger._

"_They should just shoot him." Havoc snarled out. "Jail's too good for him."_

"_Who's unit you in?" She asked after a few minutes._

"_Grand's." He answered absently as he began to regain his self control. "I've got to get back there, but I'll give you a hand with Owen first." Havoc began to stand up, wiping his face clear as he did so. _

"_You don't have to…"_

"_Yes I do." He stared at her for a moment until she nodded._

"_Okay. I'm Hawkeye."_

"_Havoc."_

* * *

"Havoc? Jean?" Havoc blinked. "You spaced out for a bit. You ok?"

Ed was staring at him and Havoc shook his head.

"No, I'm fine, just tired."

"Did you get any sleep today?"

"Not yet. It's next on my list of things to do."

"You look like you need it." Ed didn't comment on the shadows that were still lingering in the tired blue eyes. He didn't think Havoc would tell him, even if he did ask. Some things you just didn't share. He was very tempted to reach out and give him another hug. That brief hug this morning had helped Havoc, it had also helped him. After spending all that time trapped, that contact had helped reaffirm the fact that he really had survived.

"Hey Ed!" The door opened and Maes Hughes entered. Ed saw the tiredness on him as well.

"Lieutenant-Colonel." Havoc nodded as he spoke, slightly grateful for the interruption.

"Havoc. You look tired." He said it bluntly and Havoc smiled.

"So do you, Lieutenant-Colonel."

"It's been a long day." He looked from one to the other and Havoc stood up.

"I'll just go and get some coffee. Ed? Sir?"

"Yeah, thanks Havoc."

"Not for me, thank you. I'm only here for a few minutes." Hughes said and Ed watched as he waited for the door to close before walking closer and sitting down in the chair Havoc had just vacated. "So exactly how are you, Ed?"

"You know exactly how I am, you nosy bastard. You read my charts on the way in."

"Now Edward, how can you say that?"

"Because that's what you do, Hughes." Ed grinned at him and if he thought the grin he got in return was weak he didn't mention it.

"Ed, I came to ask if you wanted to stay at my place when they release you from here."

Ed stared at the man, his mouth slightly open. "You… want me to stay?"

"Yes." Maes moved his head and his glasses went opaque. Ed couldn't see the expression in his eyes. "It will be a while before they rebuild the dorms and I have plenty of room."

"Uh…" Ed didn't know quite what to say. There was a sadness to Hughes' voice, it wasn't all tiredness he was hearing. "I… I already agreed to stay with Havoc."

"Ah, I see."

"I'm sorry, Hughes, but…"

"It's ok, Ed. It's your decision. I'm not asking you to change it."

Ed frowned slightly. There was something in the expression and tone of voice that confused him. It had changed the moment he had said he was going to be with Havoc. He was startled when Maes stood up.

"Well, I'll be going. I only came to check up on you."

"You don't have to go yet."

"I still have a lot to do." Ed saw him frown slightly as he turned away. "I'll come and visit properly tomorrow."

"Maes!" Ed called as the man reached the door. Hughes paused. "Get some sleep."

Green eyes flashed brightly over a blue shoulder as Maes turned his head to look back at Ed.

"I will. You just get yourself better. I'll be fine," he said just before he left the room.

Ed fell back on his pillows, mumbling. "You lie like I do, Hughes."

The man was tired, so why didn't he just let it show? You couldn't be strong all the time. Ed nearly laughed. He was worse than Maes for hiding any kind of pain and hurt. _Maybe it wasn't so much staying strong all the time, it was who you chose to break down in front of. Maybe I just wasn't the one he could feel comfortable with._ That made sense to Ed. No matter how friendly you were with someone, there weren't many you'd want to have at your side when you broke down. Ed had only ever trusted Al, no matter how close he had come to the others.

But Havoc was becoming someone to trust, he suddenly thought. Ever since the wedding he had been around Havoc more than usual. Every time he turned around lately, the tall blond was there. That talk in the car yesterday. And today he had been with him all the time he had been in the triage tent and was now offering him a place to live.

There were secrets. They both had them, and Ed knew there were some he'd never share, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to at times. If he stayed with Havoc, he'd have that. Ed wasn't stupid, he knew it wouldn't be easy. He never shared easily. Not with secrets and not with his personal space either. But Havoc had been encroaching on both. Could he really live with Havoc?

The door opened and Havoc entered, the aromas of coffee and cigarettes combined. Ed nodded to himself. He could do this. He got on well with Havoc, he was a friend. It didn't seem that hard really, once he managed to get past his innate talent for making things complicated.

"The Lieutenant-Colonel left already?"

"Yeah." Ed took the coffee Havoc offered. "He said I could stay at his place."

"Really?" Havoc stared at him.

"Yeah. I told him you'd already invited me to your place. You know, he was looking really tired too."

"Everyone is tired today, Ed. And tomorrow's going to be just as bad."

"I know, it just seemed more than just being tired after a long day with him though. Anyway at least you'll be out there doing things tomorrow." Ed pointed out. "I'm going to be stuck in here with nothing to do."

"I'll bring some of your… ah." Havoc stopped.

"Exactly."

"The Chief has some books in his office. I'll grab some of them for you. Or I can get Hawkeye to give me some paperwork for you." He grinned at Ed's expression.

"The books, Havoc. Just the books."

"Okay." Havoc leant back in the chair and sipped at his coffee. A restful silence fell between them and neither felt the need to say anything.

Havoc took a deep breath and sank in the chair a bit further, his legs stretching out in front of him. He was tired and he wanted to go back to his flat and sleep, but he felt compelled to remain here for just a bit longer. Going home would have him thinking of things he was tired of thinking about. Those thoughts weren't so demanding while he was sitting here. He stifled a yawn and looked over at Ed.

Ed's eye was closed and he wondered if he had fallen asleep. He put his cup on the bedside table and stood up, bending over the bed to ease the cup from Ed's loose hands. Havoc placed it on the table and then leant over Ed, sliding an arm behind him to ease the pillows out so he could lay the young man down. Ed turned towards him slightly and Havoc smiled.

"Sleepyhead," he murmured as pulled another pillow out.

"Havoc?"

Havoc looked up and saw Fuery standing in the doorway. The brown eyes were wide and he was staring at Havoc, looking slightly disconcerted.

"Shh, Kain, he's asleep."

"Is he ok?" Fuery took a few steps into the room. "Do you need a hand?"

"He's fine." Havoc replied, pausing with a pillow in one hand and his arm around Ed. "No, I can manage."

Havoc nearly frowned. Normally he would have jumped at the chance to have Kain Fuery that close. Why had he said no? He looked at Ed and then back at Fuery.

"The others wanted to come, but they said only one visitor at a time."

"Get them to come around tomorrow. Ed's going to get very bored otherwise."

"We managed to get some clothes for him. And Breda says he knows a place he can stay."

"It's ok, he'll be staying with me."

"With you?" Fuery stared at him. "You and Ed in that small flat?"

"Better with me than with the Chief." Havoc said easily and Fuery nodded.

"Are you staying here for a while?" Fuery asked and Havoc set the pillows straight before sliding his arm out and watching Ed settle into them.

"Yeah, I don't feel like going home yet. You're welcome to stay and talk." He said casually and felt the disappointment when Fuery shook his head.

"I, uhh, I have things already planned for tonight, but I'll come and visit tomorrow."

Havoc nodded. "Okay. Enjoy your night."

"Yes, you too." Fuery left without looking back and Havoc sat in the chair, leaning forward to rest his folded arms on the bed beside Ed.

"And another strike out," he muttered.

"Jean?" Ed's voice sounded as blurry as the golden eye was.

"Go back to sleep Ed, you need it."

"So do you." The eye was half-closed and Jean wondered if Ed was really awake at all. His words slurred and there was a hazy film over his eye.

"I can spend the night with a lovely young blond, why would I go home?" He said lightly and gently and Ed tilted his head towards him.

"Asshole."

Havoc chuckled. "And you know how to talk so politely too."

"Even I …know that you'd need …to actually be in …the same bed to …spend the night," Ed managed to say as his eye lost focus and with his words disappearing into a series of yawns.

"Is that an invitation, Ed?" Jean smirked at him and Ed's eyelid dropped further, too close to sleep to react. Jean smiled and moved to brush the hair from Ed's face. "You're just so much fun to tease."

"…an asshole." Ed mumbled as his eye closed completely and he sank into sleep. Jean shook his head and settled his head on his arms. He was too tired to move. Fuery's plans were probably a date with that private. He grumbled low in his throat. He didn't want to think of that. If only Kain had stayed here with him. He should go home. But being alone was the last thing he wanted right now.

"To hell with it,' he muttered and crawled up onto the bed, pushing Ed over carefully. He stretched out on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling before his eyes drifted closed.

* * *

The whimpering noises brought Ed out of a deep sleep and he opened his eye to see Jean Havoc turning his head from side to side as he made those incoherent sounds.

Ed blinked. What was Havoc still doing here? The room was dimmed, it must be gone midnight. And why was Havoc lying on his bed? He moved carefully and watched as Havoc tried to turn over and began to mutter.

"Havoc?" No response. The mutterings kept on without a pause. Ed couldn't make out a single word. He tried again and still nothing. He shifted awkwardly on the bed, feeling the covers pulled tight across him as Havoc twisted again.

"Jean!" He almost hissed the word and reached a hand out, placing it against Havoc's side and trying to push him away so he could release the blanket that was too tight. Havoc moved, rolling to face him and Ed was startled as a hand ran across his hair. A whisper of breath brushed his face just before Jean Havoc kissed him.

Ed froze and Havoc shifted closer, his hand at the side of Ed's face. It was gentle, it was the mere pressure of lips against lips, but it held Ed in one place. He'd never felt this before. It was asking for nothing, wanting nothing. And he didn't know what to do. He tried to move back and that was the moment it changed. Jean pressed harder against him, tilting his head to slide his lips across Ed's as the hand at his face slid around to the back of his head to pull him closer.

The parting of Jean's lips and the first wet feel of Jean's tongue made him jump. His lips began to tingle and he felt his head start to pound as his heartbeat suddenly throbbed into his ears. Jean outlined his lips with his tongue and he dragged his teeth across the young man's mouth. Ed opened his lips and felt Jean's tongue enter his mouth.

"Jean…"

The kiss stopped and Ed waited, hearing Jean's breathing suddenly catch. Blue eyes hazed with sleep opened and stared at him.

"Ed?" He queried sleepily. "What're you doing here?"

"Jean, you…you're in my bed." Ed blinked as Jean yawned slightly.

"'s ok then," Jean murmured and shifted closer to the shorter blond. He placed his chin against Ed's head and Ed felt an arm wrap around him, securing him against the taller man. Soft, even breathing wafted down the side of his face and Ed swallowed, feeling his face heat.

It took Ed a long time to fall asleep.

* * *

Author's Note: So here is the next chapter, all done and dusted. You have to go to Spirix's half to fill in all the gaps of Roy and Kimblee and Hughes and whoever else she found to play with… grins… you have no idea what she was doing to poor Roy... fanservice indeed...lol

The Rixy-demon has a thing for the Fuhrer's melons… how could I refuse to have him carry one…lol…

She won't let me tweak anymore, so please enjoy. (Now can I release the dragon, demon?... lol)

silken :)


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Fullmetal Alchemist, Drama, Romance