Fullmetal Alchemist 1. Prologue

So, welcome to my second-ever fanfic. Inspired by a prompt in 'The Writer's Book of Matches', which I stole from my cousin. I know it's short, but this is just the setup and what I could write in gym class. Read. Review. Please.

"I bet that you can't make it an entire week."

"Deal."

Havoc burst out laughing. This was one bet he most defiately could not lose. He had just bet Roy Mustang, Central's most famous womanizer, that he couldn't go an entire week without doing as much as talking to a woman. Finallly, he could win back all the money... and hopefully get a few dates as well.

As Havoc was laughing manically, Roy Mustang was sitting, head in hands (The typical emo-boy pose). 'Why did I take this bet? It'll be the longest dry spell since...' He sighed, thinking about all the dates he'd have to cancel. 'Seriously, a week without any female contact except HAWKEYE? She's barely female. But one week to win even more money from Havoc? I can do that.

"Ok, Chief, you sure you want to do it? There's no backing out." Havoc, who in his laughing fit had swallowed his cigarette, was looking a little green under his gleeful expression.

"Sure. One week. How hard can it be?" Roy said lazily.

"Harder than you think."


	2. Work Obsession

One Week

**One Week**

**Day One: Work Obsession**

**AN: Wow, the outpouring of support for this story is astonishing for something that just hit me. I have double the reviews from my last story with only half the hits. Thanks to the lovely reviewers, alertereers(?), and people who favorited it.**

Roy walked into the office at exactly 8:55 A. M., causing Hawkeye to faint and Havoc's eyes to roll to the back of his head.

"You-you're early!!" Havoc said in shock as he caught Hawkeye just before she hit the floor.

"No, I'm not. I'm on time." Roy corrected as he leaned down to revive Hawkeye. As soon as her eyes focused, they went wide and she sat up in shock.

"What time is it?" she asked Havoc.

"Eight-fifty...six."

"Sir... YOU'RE EARLY!!"

"No, I'm trying to avoid women."

"Another bet?" she asked suspiciously.

"Why, of course," Havoc swooped in. "A week without as much as talking to a woman... except you." Hawkeye's jaw dropped.

"He agreed to this?" She spun around to look at Roy. "You seriously agreed with this? You weren't drunk at the time?"

"No, I thought it would be an interesting experiment," he said thoughtfully.

"Experiment of what? How insane you can get?"

"Of course," Havoc agreed.

"Sir, I can't remember the last time you didn't skip out early for a date, let alone actually show up for work ON TIME!"

"That's too bad for you," Roy said with a smirk. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to start on the paperwork."

For the rest of the day, Roy was the model officer and Hawkeye's guns were sad from not being shot.

Roy stayed at the office later than Hawkeye. It was a shock to all.

**Ok, I know that people were expecting a longer chapter, but I also have people that want updates, so a moderately short chapter it is. Please review!!**


	3. The Insanity Begins

One Week

Chapter 3- The Insanity Begins

**Thanks for this chapter go to those who have no lives, as they read my fic and review. Currently, I have 462 hits and 16 reviews!! Whoot!!**

The next day, Roy arrived at work early, still on his quest to avoid woman and make big money off Havoc.

There is a limit to how many habits you can change, and one of Roy's unchangeable habits was stopping for coffee and flirting with the cashier. This morning, Havoc had appeared out of nowhere and dragged him away _without his __**COFFEE**__! _ As a result, Roy looked very droopy.

"Good morning sir," Riza said, trying to stifle a laugh at his appearance. "Going to do all your paperwork today?"

"Coffee," Roy moaned.

"What, sir, you didn't stop for and get coffee? That's too bad. Our coffee maker is broken."

Roy's eyes bugged out. "Coffee. I need coffee!" he yelled as he ran all over the building in search of the energizing brown drink.

Hawkeye blinked (AN: As in shock). "Wow, he might actually go insane before this week is over."

Havoc popped up. "That was the goal behind this whole bet."

--

Roy eventually reappeared, his mug full of coffee. As soon as he sat down, Maes, with his weird, superhuman senses, instantly showed up with a new stack of pictures and his age-old agenda. (AN: I mean, seriously, how long has he been bugging Roy about

this?)

"You know, Roy, you should get a wife!"

"Maes, must you bring this subject up EVERYDAY?"

"Because, you won't be totally happy until you have a wife! Just like I'm totally happy with Gracia! And Elysia! And I have MORE pictures to show you! (A/N: The only way this works is to imagine it as one whole stream of words. Then again, I wrote this part while watching my gym class square dance. It makes it just a little weird.) The pictures instantly appeared in his hands and he showed them in Roy's face before running off and showing them to the rest of the crew.

"Isn't she CUTE?"

Roy sighed. Yes, he loved his goddaughter and Maes was his best friend. But prolonged exposure was just too much.

"Maes... would you just GET OUT!"

"Jeez, what's wrong with you?"

Yet another sigh. "I bet Havoc I could go a week without as much as talking to a woman."

"But... Hawkeye's a woman! Why can you talk to her?"

"Because if he tried to flirt with her, she'd shoot him," Havoc answered dryly.

As Maes was comprehending this, Roy's attention had wandered. "Riza... you're pretty," he commented dumbly.

She shot at him.

"See?" Havoc asked rhetorically. "Get my point?"

"Yeah, but they would make such a CUTE (AN: Squeal. 'Nough said.) couple"

"Maes, do you want me to shoot you too?" Riza asked calmly, blowing smoke off the top of her gun.

"Uh, no, that's okay, I'll just go work," Maes said as he quickly retreated. "Think about what I said, you two!"

Riza turned around with a grimace on her face. "Do I have to threaten the rest of you to make you start working?"

"It's okay, ma'am," Fuery stuttered as he ran to his desk to start the day's paperwork. Havoc, Breda and Falman followed his lead, diving into their paper.

--

The rest of the day was quite normal, with the exception of the random things Roy was shouting out. All would be quiet, with pens scratching, and he would yell out.

"PICKLES!!"

"YAOI!!"

"PINK BUNNIES OF DOOM!!"

Some started suspecting that this was a good week for the fuehrer to be out of the office, what with his most promising young officer going crazy and all.

**See? I even managed to make this chapter longer than the two previous ones. Yay for gym teachers who think making us do dance presentations ISN'T a waste of time. And then I write instead of watching my classmates make fools of themselves. See what I sacrifice for you guys?**


	4. What?

**If someone hasn't updated for three months, a longer chapter would be nice, but too bad. At least it is a chapter. Thanks to AnimeFallingStar, who reviewed with a bit and made me remember that I had a chapter almost written. New chapters probably won't come out for a while (marching band has taken over my life) but enjoy and please review.**

**One Week Ch 4**

The day had been shaping up to be normal until two figures burst into the door. "Good morning, Colonel Bastard," said the smaller (snark. shorter) shadow in a sickly sweet tone.

One guess as to who is was.

The infamous Fullmetal Alchemist and his big garbage can of a brother walked in.

Roy glanced up. "Wow, Fullmetal, I never though that you could get any shorter."

Upon hearing thism Ed went into one of his patented (No. 87385934) short rants. "Who are you calling a flea so timy I could bite you and you wouldn't even notice a tiny little bit?"

"Um, brother… That's not what he said."

"No," Ed said, steaming, "but it was implied."

"Fullmetal, congradulations. You're getting better at figuring out my motives." Roy drawled with a smirk. "Now, is there a reason you came, or do you just want to annoy me?"

"An actual reason. We caught a homunculus… Do you want to interrogate it?

"Wait- you caught one? Alive? Which one?" Roy asked quickly.

"Yes, we caught one, it's still breathing, and Lust. Why?"

"Ummmm… Let me consult with my luitenent.," He said, sweat dropping, as he ran over to Havoc.

"It's a she," Roy whispered.

Havoc just smirked. "You know the rules. Do you really want to forfeit? If you do, I'll take that money right now."

"B-but it might be my only chance to talk to a homunculus."

"Do I look like I care?' Havoc asked sarcastically.

"No," Roy allowed sadly.

"So… Decide." Havoc was doing everything but shaking Roy by his shoulders to get him to speed up.

Roy thought for a minute and you could practically see the light buld over his head light up. "If I talk to Hawkeye and she asks Lust the questions, would that be okay?"

Havoc rolled the idea around in his mind for a bit. "Technically it won't mess up the bet. I guess I have to say it's fine."

"Sweet!" Roy busted.

Reentering the room, he barked, "Shorty, Hawkeye, come with me. Maes, is interagation room 3 ready?"

The four trooped down to the interragation facilities, and it was quiet. Too quiet. But as technically, Havoc and the rest could go home, nothing was known about what was currently happening in that room.


	5. The Freakout

**Are ya'll amazed? A chapter! Complete with a funny story: Had to go to a neighboring high school for a winter guard practice. So at 6:30 in the morning, we make C climb halfway through the gate to open it. Then other people get there and tell us about the cameras. And he had a jacket on with his name. Ahhh. Anyway, enjoy!**

Maes shook his head. That had to be the weirdest interrogation session he had ever been a part of… and that was a large number. But with Roy asking Hawkeye questions for Lust, then letting her turn around and ask Lust the question. To say the least, it had freaked Lust out. She had actually answer all the questions, instead of giving her patented 'I own you nothing, fuck off and have a terrible life' looks.

Roy and Hawkeye walked out of the small room. Her hair had started to come out of the updo she always wore. Roy's uniform was slightly mussed. He turned and faced Hawkeye. "Lt. Hawkeye, you are dismissed. I expect to see you here by 8 o'clock tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," she said.

"Dismissed, then." She saluted, then strode off. Roy watched her go, then turned to Maes in a panic.

"I need help," he hissed quickly.

"Whoa, buddy, you actually ask me for something? I bet I know what it's about. It's about her, right…? I always told you that she was perfect for you." In true Maes fashion, all these words spilled out in a general confusion.

"Well, sorta, yeah, I guess," Roy drawled. "But I'm becoming strangely attracted to Hawkeye-I mean Riza-I mean… Okay, maybe I don't know what I mean. But tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I just realized that, since I haven't been looking at my calendar, since that's where all my dates are written, and I have a reservation at a really fancy restaurant and, and, and…." He paused for a moment and sighed. "What should I do?"

Maes mulled this over in his mind for a few seconds. "First, you should invite her out to dinner with you. You have a good excuse, because of the bet. And then, it will all fall into place."

Roy groaned. "But in order to start that plan, I have to invite her out without being killed or maimed. But no big issue, she's like the nicest person ever," He added sarcastically.

"Yeah, well, didn't think about that. But she's being kind of nice right now, right?"

"Depends on your definition of 'nice.' And 'kind of.' And 'now.'"

"Roy, you will go home and sleep. And tomorrow, you will ask her out, and not chicken out." By this time Maes was holding Roy by the shoulders and started to shake him. "Is that clear, Mustang?"

Roy was wheezing. "Yes, sir," he gasped. Straightening up, the smirked. "How did you learn to be that scary?"

"Interrogations. Lots and lots of interrogations."


	6. Unknown Confessions

**Well, it's nice to be back. This story has been sitting in my mind, so today I pulled out this chapter polished it, added a bit, and beat my writer's block. My reconmidation for any of you out there struggling with that infernal beast know as writer's block? Have six eleven-year-olds sleep over at your house. Hope you like the chapter.**

One Week Chapter 6: Unknown Confessions

Roy groaned. Sometimes, figuring out what you wanted led to a whole other can of worms. Yes, he knew he wanted to ask Riza out. The why and how were still a little fuzzy-or it might have been the fact that he hadn't had coffee yet because only females work at all of this favorite coffee stands. Come to think of it, that _just might_ have been why he liked them so much.

But this week was getting tough. It turned out the woman he was pretty sure he'd been waiting for since they were teenagers was the only one he was allowed to talk to under the conditions of his bet. Wait a minute, though- why was he still allowed to talk to Riza? He shook his head- it would all become clear eventually.

"Hey, colonel- the annual Valentine's Day pile o' stuff has started," Havoc yelled out. Roy looked up in shock. His office had been closer than he'd thought. Havoc continued with his normal diatribe-"why do all these girls like you? Is there like a magic spell? Have you stolen them all from previous lovers?"

"Havoc, how many times do I have to explain this to you? I have no magical powers, but being a state alchemist makes you attractive to women, I suppose," Roy said, exasperated.

"Oh!" Havoc's eyes lit up. "The pocket watch emits those phere-thingys. Pheretonies? You know, the stuff that makes women like men?"

At that point, Riza walked in and sized up the scene. Turning to Roy, she asked matter-of-factly, "What's the theory this year, sir?"

"At this point, he's thinking the pocket watches give off pheromones. Considering that Armstrong can't get dates, no women in their right mind would think of dating Kimblee, and the Shrimp freezes before talking to women, it's not exactly fully formed. But, it's way better than his sock-full-of-butter load of crap from last year."

"Oh yeah," Riza winced in remembrance. "That one came out of far left field."

Havoc came out of his reverie for a second. "No, that was a good theory. He has a sock of butter that he hits men with and they start laughing and then he can get all the girls. It makes sense!"

"And with that, does anybody in this office remember that such a thing as paperwork exists? And that we're expected to turn it in _before_ midnight?" Riza broke in. It was going to be one of those days, the ones where nothing got done. "I know it's a new concept, but go." The look on her face sent the entire office diving towards desks, finding pens, and beginning the daily ritual of scribbling. Riza turned around to face Roy, who was still standing, dumbfounded. "That whole paperwork thing applies to you too. And as I'm going to spend the whole day keeping track of all the Valentine's Day gifts that women feel the need to send you."

At that point, Roy had become the average drooling guy. Hawkeye waited for a couple of minutes, occasionally waving an inquisitive hand before his eyes. Then, she got a better idea.

"Sir?"

"Muphl."

Hawkeye sighed. He was making the sounds that indicated he wasn't going to wake up for anything…except maybe a parade all the women he had ever seen and thought of as even remotely pretty. And even with her organizational skills, there wasn't much chance that could happen. That number was abnormally large. But there was one more thing she could try…

"Sir? Edward Elric just walked in here wearing high heels. You might want to wake up and make fun of him."

That seemed to have gotten his attention, for he started to twitch slightly as if waking up.

"Hawkeye? Riza?" he murmured in a voice indicating some sort of awareness. "Why do you always have to be so mean? I like you, like really like you, but if can't think of a way to tell you. This is not a good day. I'm going back to sleep." With that, Roy's head dropped down onto the desk and he began to snore.

At that point, Riza just stood there, her hand over her mouth in shock.


End file.

Fullmetal Alchemist, Humor, Romance