Ninja Turtles 1. Facebook

**I've written a dozen of these during complete boredom phases. It's dialogue fic, so no actions... just words. Have a guess at who the people are. Sometimes, it'll be obvious. I think this one's kinda obvious.**

**tmnt does not belong to me

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"How many TVs do you have?"

"Pardon?"

"How many TVs do you have? You can't inflict a reign of terror all the time."

"Of course I do not do that all the time. If I did then the world would have belonged to the Foot long ago."

"You wish. Anyway, how many do you have? A hundred? A thousand? Or do you just train all day? What do Foot ninjas do when they're not failing? Do you keep them in a closet? Do they live in your tower? Is there like a neighbourhood where they all live and their kids go to the same school and play outside on the street? Is there much crime?"

"It is none of your concern what our ninjas do off-duty. I do not see any reason why I should tell you how many televisions we may or may not have."

"One in each room? Why can't you tell me? Does your next plan involve TVs or something? Are you going to send ninjas into your TVs and transmit them into ours and invade our lair that way? How do you plan on materialising them? Through the printer? Won't they be really flat and made of paper? Ha ha, you should totally do that. Send your Elites that way."

"That makes no sense at all. Even if that was for some reason our plan, I would not tell you this was so. Why do you wish to know about the total number of televisions in our possession? I cannot see how this piece of information will benefit you but I do not want to take any chances."

"I'm just asking... geez. If you sign up to facebook and don't want to talk to people about stuff then there's something wrong with you. Why do you have a facebook account anyway? Shouldn't the Foot be undercover?"

"Why do you have one?"

"Touché. No really, why do you have one? You don't come across as a person that talks a lot."

"I can do what I like, and if having an account on a social networking site is one of the things I wish to do, so be it. You know nothing about me and I have every right to be a part of this online community."

"Oh... kay... I never said I did. Why did you friend me? I don't really like you, no offense. I just accepted because I had the feeling no one else would."

"Leonardo suggested you as a friend and I clicked it. If you must know, I am very popular. I do not need your pity."

"Psh. Yeah, yeah. Your dad has a facebook. Now he can watch you cyber flirt with Leo. We all can."

"I flirt with no one anywhere, least of all your brother!"

"You chat with him loads. I have to kick him off the computer sometimes."

"He starts chats with me and I continue them so I can gather intel. I do not converse with him in the way you claim I do. You also exaggerate. We do not talk that much to each other. I am a very busy person."

"You're really defensive, you know that? I see Chaplin has an account too. Are you having a cyber affair with him? Does your daddy know?"

"No. No, as in I am not having an affair with anyone. I will block you soon for your insolence. I do not have to stand for this behaviour."

"Just tell me how many TVs you have! I really wanna know."

"NO."

"Please? Look at it this way; I'll stop asking if you just tell me."

"The Foot tower has twenty four. Now, get off my wall."

"One for each hour? Awesome. Now was that so hard? What do you watch on them? Cougar Town?"

"GO AWAY!"

"You watch Cougar Town? Wow, I was only joking."

"I do not even know that show. Have you not got anything better to do?"

"Shell! I was meant to be in a fight an hour ago."

"It serves you right. You should be paying more attention to your surroundings instead of posting nonsense on my wall. Be off with you and leave me in peace."

"Hey, aren't you meant to be there too?"

"... Chikusho."


	2. Therapy

**Yep, last time it was Mikey and Karai. Thanks for the reviews. :)**

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"Ah, I've waited for this moment for so long. This will be sweet... so very sweet... It's time for you to feel the pain you inflicted upon me. I will not hurt anymore- you will be the one being tortured, the one screaming every night! And guess what? No one will hear you but me. And I will watch and will enjoy every moment."

"You don't want to do this."

"Is that the best you've got? I thought you would have more than that up your filthy sleeve. My initial view of you must be correct: you really are nothing but an old fool. Anyway, I've always wanted a test subject, particularly a non-human that doesn't deserve to live after what they've done to me. Now, I won't have to resort to experimenting on myself. This is the opportunity I have yearned for for so long. There are so many things I've wanted to find out, and your body will be used in the name of science to work out the answer to each and every one of them... granted your body doesn't fail prematurely."

"This explains a lot about your often irrational behaviour."

"What did you say? No, wait, I don't care. What do you know about me? Nothing! So be quiet while I find the right needle."

"I know more than you assume I do."

"You? A mutant- a freak! You've lived in a dirty sewer most of your life. What could you possibly have learned that I care about?"

"What it's like to fail."

"What?"

"You are punishing yourself for something. I do not know what it is exactly, but raising four sons and going through it myself has made it so I can see it in your eyes. You feel guilt."

"I don't feel guilt... only anger! Your sons ruined me, helping Miss O'Neil make me lose my sound reputation. Everything I had, gone! All because of you freaks. All my troubles stem from you. You will pay dearly... each and every one of you."

"You are angry at yourself. I can see the conflict within you. Something long ago made you snap and you blame yourself for it."

"You're delirious, thinking you can persuade me to be merciful. I hate you. You hate me. I'm not going to show any pity."

"I do not hate you. I only hate what you've done to yourself. I watched my master die at another's hands and could not do anything about it. I thought it was my fault. Then, I found my sons and realised my life wasn't over. Only that chapter was. I moved on and came to realise that while I did not save my master, I could still save myself and nurture four lives. You must find inner peace like I did."

"Shut up! I don't need your poor attempt at therapy... Saki gave me it, Bishop gives me it... It's all useless and you think I should accept it from a freak like you?"

"They saw something worth saving."

"Yeah, my vast intelligence."

"I see a human: a person that's worth saving. Something traumatic occurred that you believe you are responsible for. Something you think you could have stopped but didn't. You are not a monster. No one is punishing you but yourself. You can say it's not true, and you can make me say that as well. It won't change anything."

"... Mama..."

TMNTNMT

"Where's the rodent?"

"I let him escape. He was defective."


	3. Wedding

**Last one was Stockman and Splinter. C:**

**This one's slightly harder...**

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"Ah, you must be Ms Reynard. I have been wanting to see you for a while now. The others alerted me of your arrival and I couldn't wait to meet you in person. I expect their home is full of wedding guests."

"It is... wow, talk about a variety! I'm supposed to stay here until the wedding's ready to go. As for Ms Reynard? It'll be Mrs Hamato in a few hours."

"Oh, yes. Raphael has said much about you."

"I hope it hasn't been anything too bad!"

"Not at all. For Raphael to have chosen you, you must be a wonderful person."

"I should think so. Um... Are you his cousin?"

"No... He is a good friend of mine."

"Wow, how many mutant reptiles are there in New York? Where I come from, there aren't any. Not a single one."

"New York does seem to be a focal point for abnormalities. I hope you don't mind me asking this, but when you first met the turtles, were you afraid?"

"... I'm never afraid. My avatar is an eagle. One hundred percent fearless."

"Everyone has some kind of fear."

"Not me. I'm an exception to that rule. Why are you asking me this? If you think I'm going to bail on Raph, I would never do that."

"Of course not! I apologize for my forwardness and for offending you. It is just... You said you had never laid eyes on a bipedal turtle before: I am just astounded that you never feared him because of his appearance. In fact, you are soon going to vow eternal companionship. For a creature who has been called, and often believed to be, a monster because of his outward appearance, you must understand my reaction."

"What can I say? Raph's a nice guy. He doesn't take nonsense from anyone and laughs in the face of danger. He's my kind of dude. Appearance has never bothered me."

"Raphael is blessed to have someone as open-minded as you."

"Yeah, though I can understand why some girls wouldn't fall head over heels for him. Well, in the sense we're talking about anyway."

"Heh heh. I see what you mean."

"But you know what? I'm lucky to have him... most guys don't like a girl that enjoys fighting and danger. They want one that stays at home but that's just not the way I roll. Raph's family is sweet as well. They've made me feel so welcome here. I thought it'd be awkward, intruding on their family like this. You know, life of secrecy and all that. It's not weird at all though. I feel like I belong."

"They made me feel welcome as well. Truly, they are brilliant people."


	4. Mission

**Last time it was Joi and Leatherhead. Next!**

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"I see you have finally returned. I was beginning to consider hiring a replacement for you."

"Sorry for being back so late, master... there was a lot of traffic. No one knows how to drive right in this city."

"I hope you obtained what I wanted, because you have failed me multiple times and my patience is wearing thin. Another mistake may just snap it... along with your spine."

"I know."

"I hope for your sake and more that you have not returned empty handed. There is only so much I can tolerate, and I have dealt with Stockman more times than I have Foot ninjas. It wouldn't be very pleasant for you if another failure was presented to me and you were the one giving it to me."

"I never aim to displease you, Master. I would rather die than disappoint you!"

"If we all depended on your aim, we would be in China."

"Good one, Master."

"So..."

"Erk!"

"Am I going to be happy with you today, or am I going to want to rip your puny heart out?"

"H-Happy! Oof!"

"... Excellent. Give them to me."

"Well..."

"You just told me you have successfully retrieved what I sent you out for, so it is a simple case of giving me them. I haven't got all day."

"... I didn't exactly... uh... get... them."

"What did you say?"

"Yeah... you see, me and my boys went there and there was a big fight. We tried to get one of them but..."

"You didn't get a single one?"

"We tried, honest! They went so fast, it was impossible to get even a single finger on them."

"You useless lump of lard!"

"Ow!"

"I ASK FOR A SIMPLE THING AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO RETURN WITH NOTHING! THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING ME FROM FINISHING YOU OFF RIGHT NOW! NOTHING!"

"I... I got something nearly as good! Something close to them."

"What?"

"The red one. You mentioned you liked the red one once."

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE RED ONE, FOOL! I SPECIFICALLY SAID I WANT THE GREEN ONES!"

"I... I got the dark blue one too, does that help?"

"NO, IT DOES NOT! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THEM! ARE YOU DEAF?"

"Sorry!"

"I will not have my blood boil so frequently any longer. You have served me well, but it is time I relieved you of your duties. Your lack of success will be the end of me."

"Please! I'm sorry! I'll... I'll try another store! I'll do anything!"

"... Very well. However, if you return with no limeade again, I will not be so merciful next time."


	5. Goodbye

**Last time it was Hun and Shredder. I know Shredder was out of character... :P I like making fun of characters.**

**This time, no funny stuff. I really appreciate the reviews. Seriously. They make my confidence sky rocket and a single review makes me feel giddy for an entire day!**

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**"You wanna know what?"

"Please, just... answer my question."

"Hmph, it's easy for you to ask that; you aren't the one who'd get her butt smacked to the Ice Age if a certain someone found out!"

"Don't think this is easy for me either. My family don't know I'm talking to you... it's not something I want them to know about. It's been on my mind for a while now. At night, as another day passes and the next one dawns, I keep thinking about the future... about you."

"Oh... look. I like you. I like you a lot... but geez... I don't know if I should. Not only will it screw over my job, it'll affect you... your whole life. If something messes up, I'll be kicking myself until the end of time. I care about you. I don't want to ruin your life."

"You won't, trust me. This isn't on a whim, in case that's what's bothering you."

"That's what's so sad! You're too young to be thinking about this. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to get involved and mess things up like I always do."

"It's been niggling at me for a while now... I can't ignore it any longer. It's tearing me apart. Please... I have to know."

"Well... I can see you won't change your mind, even if a not crazy person would. But are you sure you want this? There's no turning back once this becomes open. It'll be there, right in front of you."

"I don't care. This isn't for me... it's for us. I will never ask you for anything after this. What's your answer?"

"... Tomorrow."

tmntnmt

"It was worth it: I saw it in your eyes the next day... telling your family how much you love them one last time before your final battle."

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**Hope that makes sense...**


	6. Forbidden

**There were some really good guesses, and most of you got it half right. It was actually Leo and Renet, with Leo asking her when he'd die so he could tell his family he loved them before it happened.

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**"Argh! He drives me up the wall! Sometimes I wonder what I see in him."

Me too.

"I mean, he can be so sweet at times. Like today, he bought me a whole bunch of roses! My favourites. I can't believe he remembered: I mentioned it once while him and Raph were watching wrestling ages ago."

He didn't remember. He asked me what they were this morning.

"But there are times when I think I'm just a hobby to him. One he can pick up when he's not busy fighting and drinking and whatever guys like him do religiously. He goes out some nights and doesn't bother to call. Then, when he gets back, he kisses me like that will make me forgive him. He thinks he can do whatever he wants and I'll just forgive him... Though I suppose, in all fairness, I do go easy on him."

He takes you for granted. He doesn't understand you... deserve you.

"I know he doesn't mean to hurt me; he does it without realising. I love him, but I wish he would use his head more often. Sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you this. You wouldn't understand. Don't get me wrong, you're a really sweet guy. It's just it's not like a family of mutant-loving girls live in the sewers. You've never had someone tease you like this, playing with your heartstrings."

You'd be surprised.


	7. Trapped

**Last time was easy. Don and April. :)**

**Next!**

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"You imbecile."

"Hey, this is your fault."

"My fault? I wasn't the one that caved us in. That _intelligent_ move was performed by you."

"It ain't my fault you moved out of the way of my laser. You made me hit that support beam."

"Are you telling me I should have let you incinerate me?"

"Yeah. The world would be a better place without you."

"I can't say your intelligence surprises me. You are a lowly thug."

"Could a lowly thug beat the crap out of you?"

"As riveting as this conversation is, I don't have the patience to decipher your mad ramblings. My men will be here to retrieve me soon and I would rather wait in silence than listen to you."

"Those are some big words coming from a little man. You know how much I want to kill you right now? I had to rescue Karai 'cause of you. I risked my life for her. Do you know how much I hate her guts?"

"I can guess. I'm not overly fond of her either. I don't care for any of you."

"I hate you too, so don't think I'm flattering you for one second."

"I would be insulted if a failure like you complimented me."

"Failure? Me? You need to wipe those sunglasses of yours clean. You're a bigger failure than me."

"You own an insignificant gang and undoubtedly live in a rundown neighbourhood. I have more money than you could ever imagine, the most sophisticated technology for miles and highly trained men at my disposal."

"And you still can't destroy the turtles. Face it; you're as much of a loser as me."

"..."

"We're not so different now, are we? We both hate Karai, the turtles... and we both suck at life. Everyone hates us. You ain't better than me."

"… Shut up."


	8. Hospitality

**Last time was Hun and Bishop. :)**

**This one may be a bit trickier.  


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**"Ah, I see you are awake. How are you adjusting to your new home?"

"It's not a home. It's a prison."

"That is completely wrong, my friend. This establishment is-"

"Don't call me that. I'm not your friend. I don't do friends."

"I must ask why. Friends are very valuable and I shudder to think what I would do without mine."

"Friends back stab, just like 'family'. It's all a trick. A way to get under your skin and weaken you. In this life, we only have ourselves; if one us goes down, only they go down."

"These so-called friends and family you speak of are not what you claim them to be. They, if they are truly friends, will never try and hurt you. Only monsters would call themselves family and hurt you in such a manner."

"So I guess I'm a monster... he was right. I am just a scorpion."

"A scorpion? You must have been talking to Leonardo. He always has such interesting analogies. I think he gets it from his father."

"Yeah, he told it to me. I stayed with him and his family for a while... then I goofed up and lost his company. I lost everything."

"So you came here to have a fresh start, and a fresh start you will have. I turn no one who deserves my assistance away."

"I came here to hide. Dunn wants me dead after..."

"After...?"

"Look, I don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"Okay. Don't worry, I will keep you safe. I have looked after many mutants over the past seventy years."

"I don't need looking after. I'm just bunking here until I come up with a plan. I can't think straight if I'm on the run."

"Of course. I will get you some food. You have had a long journey and need food and rest. I dare say you have not received much of either recently. I will return momentarily."

"Wait..."

"Yes?"

"... Thanks... for... this."

"You are welcome."


	9. Captured

**Last time it was Leatherhead and Dark Leo. Bishop was an interesting guess. :)**

**This one has a few people in it... I'm breaking my own rules! :O**

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**"So you're the punk that's been spraying all that trash about me. I should have known it was done by a little shrimp like you. One who didn't have the nerve to talk to my face."

"I can't help it if I can't tell it apart from your butt. Hey, hey! Get your pals' greasy hands off'a me. Didn't your moms teach you how to treat a girl properly?"

"Funny, I could have sworn you wanted to join us before. You wanted to be one of them."

"Only 'cause I thought it'd mean you'd stop asking us for protection money. My nan didn't have the cash to pay you jerks. And she still doesn't."

"Oh, I'm so scared. The kid called me a jerk. Maybe we should let her free."

"Hey, I just don't want it to get all M-rated in here. You better let me go before the guys come and kick your butts."

"You? They couldn't care less about you. I bet they don't even remember your name."

"SHUT UP!"

"What was that noise?"

"My voice isn't a noise, doofus."

"Not you, twerp. It sounded like... the door!"

"Goongala!"

"Purple Dragons, destroy him!"

"Like I haven't heard that one... Argh! Yo, you okay?"

"Casey? You took your time... I was nearly scared."

"Your nan called- take that, fatso! Lezz get out of here. The guys are waiting outside for us. She called, saying you weren't answering your phone."

"2 o'clock! Ooh, you got him GOOD."

"Heh, what can I say? Why'd you get captured anyways? I thought we told you to stay away from those losers."

"I did. They caught me making graffiti about them. Then, I got captured, what with being a young girl and all. They always get captured in stories."

"Can you tell me why you were doing that, giving me a reason that doesn't break the fourth wall?"

"You know what they did to my parents... It still hurts me. I need to vent my anger sometimes, you know. I don't want to sit inside doing nothing all day while they're doing whatever they want."

"Yeah... and you know what they did to my pa. Heh, I think I got most of them. The other chumps are too much of a coward to come after us now they've seen the damage I can do. And there's the truck. Hey, guys! The Casester is victorious!"

"Awesome!"

"Cool!"

"I'm glad you're all right... Angie, isn't it? Ow!"

"Shut up, Mickey."


	10. Game

**Last time was: Purple Dragon, Angel, Casey, some turtles and in particular Mikey**. **Phew. I made Angel say Casey's name so it was clear that someone else had come along. xD It started off with just a Purple Dragon and Angel.**

**Here's the next one... I realised that the randomiser I used had neglected a certain character and decided to choose two characters myself so they could have a go.

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**"It ends tonight. You hear me? Tonight."

"What's got your panties in a twist? Wait, wait. Let me rephrase that. What has gotten your panties into a tighter twist?"

"Argh, you know what I mean! We're going to fight. Right here and right now."

"Are you sure? The last time you said that you goofed up big time. Or did you forget? Though how you can forget such an epic defeat is beyond me."

"You only beat me because I was tired. You kept me up that night with that freaking music player and it took me hours to find where you hid it."

"Heh. Good times. I just thought that you'd appreciate listening to Baby. If someone ever makes a movie about you, Bieber so should do the music."

"You know what? I'm sick of you. You think that just because you beat me in one battle, it means you're better than me. I had my guard down then. This fight decides who's the best... once and for all."

"Okay, bro. Whatever makes you happy. But I want to point out that another loss by moi might cause severe psychological harm."

"I won't take you to court about it if that's what's bothering you. Come on, what are you? Chicken? I thought you were the 'supreme overlord of all that is cool.'"

"I am! Okay, it's on. Get ready for the fight of the century... Ha! Take that- wait, when did you learn to block?"

"Heh, I've been practising. Where are you going? You come back here so I can kick your butt."

"If you want to fight me, you have to come over here."

"Oh, no. I know your game. You're gonna knock me off the ledge and grab onto it so I can't. I ain't falling for that one again."

"Ooh, you nearly got me, bro. Unfortunately, you set up my throw... and now for my final cutter! Heh heh, I expected better from you."

"I'm just warming you up... speaking of which, how does my fire breath smell?"

"That stinks. Let me show what I can do..."

"Quit trying to eat me. What kind of move is that?"

"Yeah, I don't like to use it that much 'cause you suck. I didn't want to eat you anyway; I just know how much it bugs you. What about this move? It's called Hammer."

"I saw that coming a mile away."

"No fair! I hate that move!"

"That's why I used it. You fall for it each time yet it hasn't become any less funny. Heh heh, who's got the upper hand now?"

"Me, because I have like one of the best jumps ever, Kablamo! Eat stone, bitch!"

"Argh!"

"Now... Oh, yeah... did you see that coming from a mile away this time? It's a shame you can't jump well, because it means that I can do this to you. Bye, bye! See you next fall."

"I hate you so much."

"Love you too."

"You're so predictable. I knew you were going to use that."

"Oh, really? So how come I kicked your butt like a few seconds ago?"

"None of your business."

"Dodged again! Dude, you're so slow. Hey, what are you doing?"

"Throwing you as far as I can."

"That's not going to kill me. I still have way loads of energy left. Freeze! Hammer time! Wha-?"

"The look on your face! I love the sound of you screaming."

"I swear that attack is rigged."

"Maybe you'd survive more if you weren't so light."

"We can't all be as fat as you."

"Stay still."

"What, so you can breathe on me or punch me? No thanks. Why don't you stay still so I can hit you and win?"

"Yeah, that's so tempting. Not. Time's up anyway."

"So it comes down to this... sudden death. Winner takes all; loser... uh, takes nothing."

"It's been nice knowing you... not."

"Ready- Hey!"

"I win! HA HA! IN YOUR FACE!"

"What?"

"Oh, yeah. I beat you, Battle Nexus Loser."

"Hey, the controller didn't respond. I totally jumped out of the way before you hit me."

"That's loser talk. I kicked your pink butt."

"Rematch. Now."

"Nah, I want to bask in my victory for a bit. Besides, Sensei wants to play Wii Fit in a minute. He wants to get a higher time in that exercise where you sit still."

"Okay, I'll let you off... for now. But next time, Kirby is gonna make that koopa wish he'd never left his castle."

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**Super Smash Brothers... I used to play it with my siblings all the time.**


	11. Night

**Last time was Mikey and Raph.**

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"Master Splinter?"

"My son, something is troubling you. What is it?"

"I... I had a bad dream."

"You know dreams aren't real. They cannot hurt you."

"I know, but it seemed so real. Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Come here. Do you want to tell me what happened in your dream?"

"If I'm allowed to."

"Of course you are allowed to."

"Okay... um... I was in my bed and it was really dark. I was trying to get to sleep but I was really sweaty and I knew someone was there but I couldn't see them though I knew there was someone there. So I got out of my bed real fast and went to see if there was anyone else nearby. First I went to Mikey's room because he's the littlest and he's scared of the dark the mostest and I didn't want him to be afraid and get hurt."

"Was Michelangelo all right?"

"He wasn't there."

"Oh?"

"I wasn't too scared 'cause I know that he's scared of the dark and goes to our rooms when he wakes up in the middle of the night so I went to Donnie's room. They're best friends like me and Raphie are but we all still love each other just the same. So I went to Donnie's room real quietly and peeked in."

"Were they in there?"

"No. I was beginning to get very scared because they should be in bed and I thinked that there was a stranger in our home so I went to Raphie's room because Raphie is really brave and likes to fight so they might have gone to him to get rid of the stranger. So I crept quietly to their room but I couldn't hear Raphie snoring and I hoped real bad that it was 'cause they were awake and Raphie was telling them that it was okay and if a stranger came into their room he would beat them up."

"Did you see the three of them?"

"None of them were there and I beginned to panic so I went to your room and you weren't there and I was all alone with the stranger and could hear someone breathing quickly so I ran faster and faster to nowhere as something was holding me and it was squeezing my tummy and then I fell over and woked up on the floor with my blanket wrapped around me. Then I checked all their rooms and they were all asleep and safe. Then I came here to see if you were gone or not."

"Were you afraid?"

"... No."

"Why did you come here, then?"

"Um..."

"You do not need to be ashamed. Everyone has bad dreams that worry them."

"Even you?"

"Even me."

"But who do you go to? You're the biggest. Everyone has to look up to you and you need to be big and strong and not scared."

"I do not go to anyone. Who do you go to?"

"Well... Can all of us turtles go to you? Even if we're maybe slightly afraid of silly bad dreams that aren't real at all and we're the oldest and shouldn't have to?"

"Any of you can come to me. You are all my sons and I love you equally."

"Will you tell anyone that I came here?"

"Not if you don't want me to."

"Not even Raphie?"

"No even Raphael."

"I love you, Sensei."

"I love you too."

"Oh, and Sensei?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever have bad dreams, you can come to me. I won't tell no one."

"... Thank you."


	12. Mirror

**Last time it was Leo and Splinter. This one might be a lil bit tricky.

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"How dare you gaze upon me as if you are not a lowly creature. What makes you think you have the right? You aren't human... you're scum, just like the lot of them. You only wish you were human."

"I am human."

"No, you're not. You're contaminated... a freak. A lie. A contradiction to what you claim to stand for. The mere sight of you sickens me."

"I am human."

"Human? You've checked your genetic structure countless times, hoping desperately that science is wrong. The only thing wrong is you... your existence."

"I am human."

"You vow to protect humans from filth, monsters... the definition of what you are. How can you stand to look at yourself each day? Tell me! How do you live with yourself? Answer me!"

"I am human."

"Listen to me. You aren't human. Those days are gone. Those blissful days are gone."

"I am human."

"Who are you trying to fool? Why do you spout such lies... why? Why do you keep saying that? Why won't you accept the truth?"

"I am human."

"No! You aren't human and you never will be! What will it take to get it through your head? You aren't human."

"I am human."

"Silence!"

"I am human."

"SHUT UP!"

"I am human."

"Once, long ago... yes. But not any more."


	13. Story

**Last time: Bishop by himself.

* * *

**"... And then the dad kicked the crud out of him and gave the purse back to the old woman, who thanked him. He took her to her house and made it home just in time for dinner. The end. There. Now, go to sleep."

"No! Wait! Tell me another story about them."

"Geez. It's getting late. We have school in the morning."

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow."

"Heh, who does? You know we have to."

"You don't understand! It's Parents-children day and everyone in my class is going to take part in lots of games with their parents and win medals."

"Nan already said that she's going with you. Your teacher said it was okay."

"It's not okay! Nan isn't our mom. She's our grandma. No one else's grandma's going."

"I know, but there's nothing we can do about that. I tell you what; if you quit complaining and go with Nan tomorrow, I'll tell you one more story."

"I swear. Damn, bloody-"

"Hey, hey! Not literally, kid. What if Nan was going to the toilet and heard you? She'd have a heart attack."

"I'll be good. Like an angel."

"Ironic. Anyway, what story do you want?"

"I want to know how Mom died and where Dad is."

"... What?"

"You heard me. I want to know what happened to them. You tell me stories about what they used to do but now I want to know why they aren't here."

"I don't know... you'll get upset."

"I will _not_. I can handle it. I'm not a kid."

"Eight is a kid in my books."

"Eight years is a very long time. _And_ you're fourteen. That's only a bit older than me."

"I promised Nan that I wouldn't tell you until you were at least twelve."

"That's not fair. It's MY Mom and MY Dad so I have every right to know what happened to them. I'M the one who misses them and wakes up hoping Dad's come back each day. I'M the one who has to take Nan to school tomorrow and everyone always asks me why I don't bring MY parents and I always have to say they're gone."

"... I miss them too, you know. Remember that they're my parents as well."

"But you know what happened to them and I don't. I won't cry. Tell me."

"..."

"Please?"

"... Fine, but no telling anyone I told you. Got it?"

"I won't tell a soul."

"... One day, there was a family. They had a mom, a dad, a son and a daughter. They lived together in a small house but they didn't care as it was a nice house and the son and the daughter didn't have to share a room because she was really smelly."

"Hey!"

"But her brother didn't mind too much. Moving on with the story. They were all in their house when the mom had to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So she bent down and kissed each of her children on the head and off she went."

"Then what?"

"She didn't come back."

"Why?"

"On the way back, she saw some teenagers throwing stones at a dog. She told them off and they tried to rob her but she didn't want to give in to them. They got really mad and they had probably had too much beer so they..."

"They what?"

"I think it's time for bed."

"No! You can't end it there. You said you'd tell me a story and you haven't finished. What happened to her?"

"... One... pulled out a knife and waved it around, trying to scare her. But the mom was far too brave and tried to take it out of his hands. The others used this as an excuse to fight and..."

"And...?"

"The mom got hurt in the fight and died."

"..."

"It's definitely time to sleep."

"N-No! What about the dad?"

"He dropped the kids off at their nan's one day because he was too sad to look after them right. Then... he never came back."

"Where did he go?"

"No one knows. Now, please go to sleep. I have a test tomorrow."

"Did the son stay with the daughter?"

"Yes... and he promised that they'd stick together no matter what."

"You sure?"

"... I am very, very sure."


	14. Gullible

**Last time: Ryan and Angel. :) I know some of these are kind of obvious, but... whatever, you know?**

* * *

"So... uh... you're Raph's dad?"

"Yes, I am his father."

"There ain't much of a family resemblance. No offence. I mean, you're a rat and they're... uh, not. Is there a turtle mom or something around here? Maybe she has strong genes."

"No, I raised my sons by myself. Am I right to assume that my sons have not told you our origin story?"

"Naw! I mean, you have a tonne of turtle chicks down here, right?"

"No... I do not believe so. They have certainly had no part in my sons' lives. Why do you ask?"

"Aw man, I had the feeling that little punk was telling me absolute crud. Wait 'til I get my hands on him, I'm gonna make him..."

"Are you referring to one of my sons?"

"Oh... right... uh... I wasn't going to really beat him up, I swear! It was a little joke... Heh, I have a bad sense of humour. My cousin's is worse though and he always used to steal my jokes and tell them to all the ladies. Little slime. Though mine still sucks real bad. Don't kill me!"

"I am not going to kill you... why would I do such a thing?"

"You can make people's brains explode by looking at them, right?"

"No, I cannot."

"That proves it! The creep fed me a bunch of lies."

"Are you talking about Michelangelo?"

"No: the one with the orange mask and the girly voice."

"That is Michelangelo."

"Oh. Right."

"What has Michelangelo been telling you?"

"He said that you're a super ninja master and you can kill people with your eyes. And... And he says that you've done it to lots of other guests because they rub you up the wrong way."

"I cannot do that, I'm afraid. Has he told you anything else?"

"Well, uh, he said that you have this mega army of turtles because you have all these turtle ladies in the sewer and they lay lots of eggs and you're their master and stuff. And you plan to destroy all humans and... stuff."

"I will have to speak to Michelangelo about this."

"Oh, right. Well... yeah."

"Is there something else that you require?"

"Yeah! One of the others... the gay one, he said-"

"The _what_?"

"The one with the purple mask."

"Donatello, as far as I am aware, is not that. Wherever did you get that idea from?"

"Uh... um... dunno. I guess... I mean, his mask is... never mind, I'm just being stupid. So, anyway, he said that I had to come to you for a long weight."

"A long weight?"

"Yeah. He says he needs it for his invention. I was helping out and he told me to get one from you."

"... I see. Do you not think he was pulling a prank on you?"

"A... He was? So you don't have one?"

"He meant for you to wait here for a long time. A long wait."

"Oh... hey! That ain't funny!"

"No, I do not think it is."

"Is everyone out to get me or what? Raph gave me some paint for my bike and it looked pink but he said that when it dries it's red and you know what? It doesn't! It stays pink and now my bike looks lame 'cause I can't afford new paint and all the guys at the bar I go to laughed their butts off."

"I apologize for the behaviour of my sons. They should not treat our new friend in such a way and they will not any longer. I will reprimand them in the immediate future."

"Aw, shucks. You don't have to."

"No, I will. They should know better. I am glad that Leonardo has not joined in with these silly games."

"He's the blue one, right? Naw, he's been cool with me. Later!"

"Goodbye. Why is it that I can only trust Leonardo to be- is that a 'kick me' sign on his back?"


	15. Skipping Stones

**Last time was Casey and Splinter.**

* * *

"Have you ever skipped stones?"

"Skipped... stones? No. I do not think I have."

"Do you want to try? It's quite cool once you get the hang of it."

"Very well."

"All right, first we need some stones. They need to have at least one flat side..."

"Here is one."

"Thanks. Okay, so you hold it like this... make your hand into a c shape... and flick your arm. I'll show you. Ha! One, two, three, four, five, six... six. Not bad. Your turn."

"..."

"You need to make sure your body is perpen-"

"I can do it. I do not need your advice."

"Fine, fine."

"..."

"Uh... well, no one gets it on their first try. You threw it too high. You need to throw it like you're trying to slide it across the surface of the water. Also, you need to lean back and then transfer your weight forward. I don't think you were pressing with your index finger hard enough too."

"I will try again."

"... Hey, no one gets it on their second try... or their third try... or their fourth try... or their fifth try..."

"There must be something wrong with these stones. I am throwing it just like you told me to."

"I can't believe a warrior like you can't skip stones."

"Ending the lives of those who irritate me is more of a life skill a ninja requires than just skipping stones."

"Point taken! Do you need some help? Can I touch you?"

"Touch me?"

"Yeah... so I can show you how to do it."

"I... Yes. You have my permission."

"You have to have your body at a right angle to the direction in which you want to skip the stone. Your feet should be about a shoulder length apart- that's it. Your arm needs to go... here, and you need to throw it sideways like a ball."

"Like a ball..."

"Yeah, just like a ball. Is your weight on your back foot?"

"... Yes."

"Good. When I say 'now', I need you lean forward and release it. Can you do that?"

"Of course I can do that. Do not treat me like a child."

"Sorry. Ready?"

"Ready."

"Now! Oomph!"

"Ah...! Look!"

"One, two, three-"

"Four, five, six-"

"Seven, eight, nine-"

"Ten!"

"That's pretty good. Think you can do it by yourself?"

"Perhaps when you get off my back, I will show you."

"Oops! Sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"Don't lean back that much- perfect."

"Who taught you to skip stones?"

"What? Oh. My master did. We didn't have many toys when we were younger so we had to make do with what we could get our hands on. You've never skipped stones?"

"I had all the playthings that I could have ever wanted. I never needed nor cared for learning how to skip stones. Eight."

"You're getting the hang of this. Really? I suppose your father got you everything you wanted."

"Not everything... Eleven."

"The last one doesn't count because it sunk. If you don't mind me asking, what didn't he get you? He's incredibly rich."

"There are some things money cannot buy. This is strangely enjoyable."

"I know. My brothers and I used to hold contests and do it for hours. We'd have to sneak topside without our sensei knowing and look around for enough stones. It was nearly as fun as actually using them... Is something wrong?"

"... Why would something be wrong?"

"It just feels like there is."

"... You sound as though you had a lot of fun with your brothers."

"We still do. We just don't skip stones nowadays. Didn't you...? Did you ever have anyone to play with as a child?"

"Uh... No. I did not. I was left to my own devices a lot of the time."

"Weren't you lonely?"

"At times."

"Sometimes I got sick of my brothers, but there was no one else to play with."

"You have more acquaintances now, do you not?"

"That's true. There's April... Casey... Angel... Leatherhead... We're friends, aren't we?"

"I do not know whether you can call us that."

"Why not? Friends skip stones together, right?"

"... I do not know. I have never had many friends."

"Well, you don't want to kill me right now, do you?"

"I never want to kill you. Maybe... we are... 'friends'. My father would not like that."

"He doesn't like a lot of things, does he?"

"He doesn't. We can be friends as long as it is kept a secret."

"Sure. Hey, do you want to have a contest? We can see who's the best stone skipper."

"..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend-"

"It is obvious I will win."

"... You're on."

* * *

**I can't skip stones to save my life. D:**


	16. Love

**The last one was tricky. Originally, it was Leo and Karai. However, some people suggested Donnie and I couldn't help but realise that it was a very valid guess. So it was Leo and Karai OR Don and Karai.**

**I'm really thankful for all the reviews! I'm so close to 100...  
**

* * *

"Finally, they're dead. Ha! I can't believe it. They're actually dead! Ha! Ha ha ha! Good riddance to trash that should have been disposed of long ago. Nothing stands in my way now. NOTHING!"

"I'm going to kill you."

"Huh? Was that a fly buzzing, or were you talking to me?"

"I'm not in the mood for your games. I'm going to kill you. Did you hear me? You're going to wish you'd never entered any of our lives."

"Aw, do you think you're scaring me? Do you think I'm going to curl into a ball just because you've got a gun in your hands? Don't make me laugh."

"You're not going to laugh when you've got a bullet wedged in your brain, you big oaf!"

"Those are some little words coming from a little person. You haven't got the guts to pull the trigger."

"Don't try me. I will shoot!"

"Go on then. Shoot me."

"..."

"I thought so. Now, why don't you be a good little thing and drop it before you shoot yourself in the eye. A big nasty fight like this isn't the place for a weakling like you. Can't you see? There's no point. You've lost."

"You wish."

"I don't need to wish. Look around you. Everyone you've ever cared for... dead. I took them down and you think I'm scared of you? You're going to die just like the freaks you called friends and everyone else that got in my way. You're going to regret ever meeting those monsters."

"I'll never regret meeting them."

"Then you're crazy."

"So what?"

"Eh?"

"Yeah, maybe I'm crazy. I've done a lot of crazy things. I mean, how can you not when you hang out with talking turtles all day? But you know what? I don't care. I'd rather be deranged than to have never met them. Shall I tell you why?"

"Humour me. Why?"

"Because if I wasn't crazy, I wouldn't be able to do this."

"Uh! W-What'd you...?"

"You killed my brothers and the one I loved... Do you think that just because I'm not a ninja, it means I can't hurt you? That just because my skin isn't green, you can walk all over me? Because I'm a girl, I can't use a gun? I think I've refuted that quite well now, don't you think?"

"No... it can't end... this... way."

"Oh... but it did."


	17. Cycle

**Sorry for the delay. I've had a lot of exams so haven't been able to get inspired much. XD I have one more on Monday (Maths... D: ) which I'll hopefully pass (doubt it!). This has become my most reviewed fanfic. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!**

**Last time was April and Hun.**

* * *

"Do you need anything?"

"What the-? How did you get in here?"

"What? Oh, the door's unlocked. So... can I help you?"

"I'm perfectly capable of managing on my own."

"I know you are, but Master says that two heads are better than one. Well... maybe not literally, in this case, but you know what I mean."

"Yes, very funny. Ha ha ha. As tempting as your offer is, I don't need any help, let alone from you."

"None at all?"

"None at all."

"I could get you something."

"All I need is silence. Is that so much to ask? A bit of quiet every once in a while? Or is it your job to irritate me?"

"No, it's not. I'm sorry for annoying you. I didn't mean to."

"You're sorry? Your very existence _annoys_ me. Every time I see you, one of my brain cells shrivels up and dies. And all you can say is sorry?"

"I didn't know I made you feel this way."

"Well... you do! I used to be the one everybody looked up to. Me! Now, I'm nothing but a laughing stock. No one ever talks about the accomplishments I've made. The great contributions I've made that have benefited everyone greatly. It's all about you."

"It's not. Everyone is really grateful for everything you've done."

"Huh. They don't show it."

"Well... maybe, but it doesn't mean they don't appreciate you. They just take you for granted."

"Yes, because no one ever notices what I do nowadays. I've been shoved into your shadow."

"I didn't mean for you to."

"It didn't stop it from happening though, did it? Now, leave me alone. Haven't you got things to do? Haven't you got people to please with your brilliance?"

"The only person I want to please is you."

"Hmph."

"I didn't mean for all this to happen. I just... wanted to be like you. You inspire me. I've always looked up to you."

"And I'm supposed to be happy for you? You tried to be like me and you came out better than me. Is that meant to be a compliment?"

"It... was supposed to be, yeah. I know saying sorry won't change anything, but you'll always be the best to me. Working with you is a dream come true."

"..."

"I'll see you later, maybe? I don't have to but... yeah. Goodbye."

"... Wait."

"... Yes?"

"... A word of advice."

"... Yeah?"

"You should go before it's too late. Don't go through what I did. You've got your whole life in front of you still. Some day, someone's going to come along and you'll suffer just like I did."

"I'll bear that in mind. Bye!"

"... That's what I once said."


End file.

Ninja Turtles