Slayers Star Wars: Return of the Swordsman

A/N: Okay! I wrote this a REALLY, REALLY long time ago but now that I've found in somewhat still intact I'm going to type it up for your entertainment. So now that we have that covered…. Let's begin, shall we? *grin*

Star Wars: Return of the Swordsman

Hotaru: Hold it!

Lina: Nani?!

Hotaru: I didn't say start. I have to put up an index first.

Nuriko: Why am I here?

Hotaru: Because everyone loves you. 

Nuriko: *sweatdrop*

Hotaru: I wanted to put you in this.

Nuriko: But only the Slayers characters are in this…

Hotaru: Well, everybody loves you so they won't care.

Nuriko: Fine. Just don't make me do anything stupid, onegai?

Hotaru: *shrug*

Cast Index:

Hotaru: Authoress whose forcing the cast of 'Slayers' ….and Nuriko ^_^ to do this whole thing. (That's me! ^_^)

Other Authors making an appearance: Lanen, Kaiya, Kiyara

Luke Skywalker: Gourry

Princess Laya: Amelia

Darth Vader: Valgaav

DV's servants: Sand People (from Try)

C3P0: Zelgadis *shrug*

R2D2: a trash can that Zel drags around… 

Chewy: Himself

Han Solo: Nuriko

Randomly there: Xellos (his eyes will be _open _the whole time *drool*) Lina, and Filia

Hotaru: Now we can start.

All but the authors: Oh, joy… (so much sarcasm ^_^)

Star Wars: Return of the Swordsman

---

*Skipping to when Gourry (Luke) meets Nuriko (Han Solo) at the alien bar.*

"Well, Nuriko, I heard you're the best pilot in space." Nuriko blinked, leaning over towards me in the next booth over.

"I'm a pilot? I don't know how to--"

"You do now!"

"Oh. Ummm… Okay," turning back to Gourry, "Ummm… Yeah."

"Good! I'm going on this really weird mission to save a bagel wearing princess and I need your help." *Dramatic pause* "Do you accept?"

"If I had a choice: Iie. However, I am being forced to agreed." I sigh, lightly slapping my hand on my forehead.

"Well, then, let's get this over with." The two leave the corner booth. As they leave, Gourry notices a dead alien under their table. "Business that bad?"

"Hai! I insisted to Hotaru that she put Tamahome under there but it just didn't seem to be happening."

"Hmmm…"

---

*Later on the ship, Gourry, Nuriko, and four others get ready to launch. There's another but Zel refuses to appear.*

"Who are these guys?" Nuriko looks over as Filia attempts to knock Xellos into next Tuesday. Gourry points to each, identifying them.

"Lina, Xellos, and Filia. Ummm…. Who's that?"

"That's Chewbacca. Hotaru couldn't exactly find anyone to play his part. *sweatdrop*" Lanen, another fellow authoress, suddenly appears in the cockpit, grinning.

"So! Are we enjoying ourselves?" A chorus of "Iie" rings out. "Good! Now you guys are going to behave, ne?"

"Hai…." Came the droned reply. Nuriko then notices that Lanen is hiding something behind her back. He recognizes it immediately.

"T-the Mallet of Doom." Lanen grins.

"I asked you if you were going to behave but I knew you weren't going to be enthusiastic about it sooo…. Are you guys going to behave?"

"HAI!!!!" She giggled.

"Good. Have fun." She then disappears into thin air. All finally begin to breath.

"Okay, then let's get going. Prepare for launch!" Nuriko declared.

"Lunch!!!!!" Gourry and Lina, of course. The rest of the group sweatdropped.  
"Iie, baka! _Launch_, you know, 3,2,1... Blast off…" Nuriko snapped.

"Oh…" Both sighed. 

---

*Valgaav (DV)is enjoying himself being served. Suddenly, he jumps out of his seat as he notices Kaiya and myself standing nearby. *

"They're serving him champagne!" [1] Kaiya whined. She swipes a glass from one of the sand people and drinks. "Ha! Mine… *hic*" I shake my head.

"Valgaav, you know what you're SUPPOSE to be doing, ne!"

"Hai, hai. Killing Amelia. Can we really kill her and make Filia the princess instead?"

"Iie!" Valgaav pouted, then sighed. He then begins walking towards Amelia's cell where she is chanting and singing about… let me think… justice. Also, she has on each side of her an … actual… bagel? I blink as Kiyara appears beside me, soon blinking herself.

"Psst! Amelia!"

"Hm?"

"Your hair is suppose to _look_ like bagels. They aren't really bagels." Kiyara says, sweatdropping. Amelia attempts to look at her head.

"Umm… OKAY!" Sweatdropping, we leave her as she fixes her hair just in time for Valgaav to make his… uhhh… dramatic entrance.

"Tell me everything you know," he says immediately with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

"I AM THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Amelia screams. There's a slight pause before she ever so calmly says, "That's all I have to say."

"Then you will die!" He walks out, "I've always wanted to say that." All authors sweatdrop. Amelia begins to sing once more.

---

*Skips to when Gourry's _trying_ to turn off the security system to get to the holding cell. Xellos, Lina, Filia, and Chewy are arguing and Nuriko is fighting a migraine. Zelgadis with his trash can…. eto… R2D2... are still on the ship. He has to come out sometime.* [2]

Nuriko takes out some meds, desperately stuffing them down his throat.

"Got it!" Gourry says, triumphantly.

"Nani?" Lina runs over. "You don't know who Lord Shabranigdo [3] is but you disarm a --" *Alarms blare* "Oh, yeah, you got it alright! How about getting my fist!" Lina says doing a 180 with her attitude. Amelia's cell opens with her dancing out. Gourry and the others begin to search for a way out as the guards begin shooting at them. Amelia is given a gun and told to shoot them.

"How about we surrender and discuss peace?" she asks in a cheery tone.

"I don't think they're in the mood to discuss peace," Xellos stated.

"I am **_NOT _**going in therrrrrreeee!!!!!!!!!" *SPLASH* *Pause* "I'll kill you, Xellos!!!!!"

"Oops. Silly me," he says, following Filia Soon, the group was in a room in knee deep in water. Xellos is, of course, floating.

"Hey, Hotaru never said anything about this!" Filia squealed in disgust. Amelia is now humming.

"Did you even _see _the movie?" Nuriko asked.

"This is in a movie?!" Everyone would have facefaulted but didn't feel like drowning.

"Wait! There a monster in here and it's suppose to get me," Gourry said, eyes darting.

"Phew!," Filia sighed. Everyone looks at her. "Nani?" Lanen and I pop out of nowhere.

"Nah! No monster! It's just a little too roomy in there though," we say together, then laugh as we disappear. That's when the walls begin to cave in.

"Oh, this just keeps getting better and better," Nuriko groans. Suddenly, from above, Kaiya pops in screaming,

"Mine! Giver me you champagne, you…. Oh, oops, wrong room…Valgaav, you will pay for stealing my…"

"Kaiya!" All but Xellos, Gourry, and Nuriko below shouts up in desperation.

"Ahhh!" Kaiya disappears.

"You scared her…" Gourry said.

"You guys are a lot of help." Nuriko said flatly as the doors opened thanks to Xellos (teleported). 

---

*Soon, the gang finds their ship. Heavily guarded…. Now on the ship except Gourry, Xellos, and Filia who are the last ones on.*

"_You_ can stay!" She then shoves him away as she gets aboard.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" he inquired, knowing the answer.

"Leaving so soon?" Valgaav lit up a laser sword. Now talking to himself, thinking I can't hear him ^_^ "First that stupid helmet…. Thank God I convinced her that I couldn't wear it (his horn)… and now these swords. *mumble, mumble*

---

*Now, in space after defeating Valgaav, who gave up on purpose. *sweatdrop* The group heads home.*

"I wanted to beat Valgaav," Lina whined.

"Then go back. Oh, hey, Zel," Xellos said, being eyed by Filia who wasn't kidding when she said 'stay.' Zel mumbled, dragging a trash can and making it beep with a beeper that Kiyara gave him.

"Is this the end?" Zelgadis groaned.

"He speaks!"

"Unfortunately, hai, it is," I answer, being followed by the other authors. One being Kaiya, hiccupping. All stare into space, then the Slayers and Nuriko make a break for it, running for hills. I turn to Lanen and Kiyara.

"We live for this." We then laugh off the set, evilly with Kaiya hiccupping every now and then still holding a bottle of champagne.

~Owari~

A/N: Well, that was weird.

Lina: _YOU _wrote it.

Hotaru: So?

Filia: Either way, it's over. That's all that counts.

Hotaru: Oh, come on. That was fun.

Zelgadis: Not for me.

Hotaru: Some of us weren't even sure if _you _were there. *shrug* Anyway, I'd like to thank Lanen for the trash can, Kiyara for the beeper and Kaiya for stealing all the champagne. ^_^

1. It's a little inside joke between us. 

2. 'Eto' or 'Ano' mean hesitation such as 'uhh' or 'errr'

3. Mention in the first season. And I'm not really sure if I spelled it right so don't hurt me, onegai.

Ja ne,

Hotaru Sasaki

P.S. Please review!


End file.

Slayers, Humor, Sci-Fi