Slayers 1. Chapter 1

What the Slayers characters never would do nor say

**Author's note: **Okay, I do not own Slayers, it's Mr. Hajime Kanzaka who does (the author of the series. We all love him for bringing Slayers to us. :3) But I'd be gladly been the owner, though I'm not. Sigh...Anyways. Here you got it. The first chapter, so please read it if you do like it. I'd be gladly taking reviews for the story. ;D

Oh, since the previewer never wants to show the document as it is and to not make confusions, then the sentences which are connected to each other are marked with a '(s)'.

**-- **

**What the Slayers characters never would do nor say**

_**-**__** Chapter one -**_

**Dynast:** -sings- I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

**Zelgadis:** -sings- All by myself. Don't wanna beee all by myyyself aaanymore!

**Xelloss:** Ok, fine! I tell you my secrets!

**Xelloss:** -dramatic pose- I'M WEARING A BRA!

**Dynast:** I'm a pretty little butterfly, yes indeed I am.

**Shabranigodou:** LOL!

**Filia:** Xelloss, take me, take me hard!

**Filia:** Ooo! Ssssexy! -wink-

**Gaav:** -sings- i'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt. So sexyyy it huurts.

**Xelloss:** -whines- Don't hit! You're scarying me! .

**Dynast:** -pokes a fish- D I like fishies.

**Shabranigodou:** XD

**Shabranigodou:** I want peace on earth. No fights among peolpe, mazokus or gods. O

**Filia:** -Let's paaaaartaaaa! XD

**Dynast:** Strip tease! XD Yay!

**Dolphin:** Fishes are creepy! -shivers-

**Zellas:** I'll quit the smoking and the drinking! And I know I will do it! Yay!

**Zellas:** Oh my... this dress shows too much skin. -blushes- Better take my burka on, yes. 3

**Lina:** I hate food! It disgusts me!

**Zelgadis:** I'm hard rock! XD Ha ha! I make myself laugh to death...

**Phibrizzo:** Why on earth should I be named the Hellmaster. Screw that! From now on I shall be kind and good towards all living creatures. I'll be called the Healmaster. D

**Dynast:** -sings- I'm so lonely. I'm mister lonely. I have nobody fooor my own. IIIII'm so lonely...

**Supreme Elder:** Come here Xelloss,old buddy and give me a biiiig bear hug, old chap.

**Valgaav:** Lina, I'll forgive what you done to my dear master Gaav. It wasn't even your fault. It was no ones fault. :3

**Xelloss:** The meaning of life is happiness and joy. Lots and Lots of JOY! :D

**Dynast:** :O GASP! SNOW! That I've never seen before. Ooooo-eeerrrr! It tastes good. -

**Filia:** I LOVE mazokus. They're sooo cute and kind and sweet and loveable and innocent and...

**Filia:** -sings- Money makes the world go around, the world go around, the world go around. Money makes the world go around. It makes the world go rooound!

**Lei Magnus:** XD I love my jokes! Hahaha!

**Dynast:** I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine. Hello Squishy, hello Squishy. Dooodooodoododoo! AUCH! bad Squishy! Baad Squishy!

**Zelgadis (s):** Dude? Dude? Focus, Dude! Dude?

**Xelloss**** (s):** Ohhh...

**Zelgadis**** (s):** Oh, he lives! Alright! Hi, Dude!

**Xelloss**** (s):** What happened?

**Zelgadis**** (s):** I saw he whole thing, Dude. First you were ooo, then you were wooow and then you were like ooohh!

**Dynast:** -sings- Hey, hey hey, Snowflake. My pretty, little, Snowflake.

**Phibrizzo:** Take the candies and the sweets away! I want vegetables instead!

**Dynast:** Look! Cute, cute slugs! D I wish I could be a slug as well...

**Filia:** Let's wear miniskirt! Miniskirts to the people!

**Dolphin:** Fisherman's friends, strongest there is!

**Gaav:** -dances the swan lake-

**Phibrizzo:** I have way too many souls! Can somebody call the "Ghostbusters"?

**Xelloss:** -sings- I feel good! Dudududududu! I knew if wouldn't!

**Dynast:** -sings- I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world...

**Phibrizzo:** NOOOO! I don't have any make-up left!!

**Dynast:** EEEEEK!! A MOUSE!!

**Dolphin:** -stands on a boat meanwhile it is moving up and done in the ocean- I'm seasick...

**Zelgadis:** I'm sssexy!!

**Dynast:** I like pink.

**Dynast:** I'm a bunny! Look at me when I'm jumping!

**Shabranigodou:** -gasps- By Ceiphied's beard...!

**Shabranigodou:** Shabby is very very haaaapppyyy! -

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** -giving orders to his servants- Say boom chica boom!

**Dolphin, Zellas, Dolphin, Phibrizzo and Gaav**** (s):** Say boom chica boom!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** Say boom chica waka chica waka chica boom!

**Dolphin, Zellas, Dolphin, Phibrizzo and Gaav**** (s):** Say boom chica waka chica waka chica boom!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** Aha!

**Dolphin, Zellas, Dolphin, Phibrizzo and Gaav**** (s):** Aha!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** Oh yeah!

**Dolphin, Zellas, Dolphin, Phibrizzo and Gaav**** (s):** Oh yeah!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** One more time!

**Dolphin, Zellas, Dolphin, Phibrizzo and Gaav**** (s):** One more time!

**Shabranigodou**** (s): **A little louder! SAY BOOM CHICA BOOM...

**Dynast:** I'm sexy, I'm hot, I'm everything, and you're not! :D

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;D That's all for now folks...until next time. Because I am gonna make another chapter. Muahahahaha! I'm evil n.n Me like being evil. Please review if you like it or not and especially if you'd like to have a new chapter coming up. :3


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: And here you got it

**Author's note:** And here you got it! The continuing of the What the Slayers characters never would do nor say, chapter two! :D Huzzah!

I really had a little bit more problem writing this chapter because there were lesser things to think about what the Slayers never could do or say. And especially Xelloss! Holy cow, what an incredible difficult character! He can do almost everything when you're thinking about it. Perhaps it could be weird to imagine Xelloss wearing a ballerina skirt or something like that, but he would wear it…just for the fun of it. -- Anyways…

Have fun reading chapter two! please review if that's possible!!

Oh, since the previewer never wants to show the document as it is and to not make confusions, then the sentences which are connected to each other are marked with a '(s)'.

--

**What the Slayers characters never would do nor say**

_**-**__** Chapter two -**_

**Xelloss:** -sings- Love hurts, Love scars, Love wounds and mars. To take a such a pain, take a such a pain…

**Dynast:** -sings- What is the multy drinker? What gets you drunker quicker? What comes in bottles or in cans? BEER! Can't get enough. How I really love it. Makes me think I'm a man!

**Filia:** -sings- I'm dangerous, I'm a dying breed. Poisonous like a centipede. I'm capable of the foulest deed. Dangerous at night. I'm dangerous like a razorback. Deadly like a heart attack. Well, I don't bend and I don't crack. Dangerous tonight. (Lyric and song by Alice Cooper)

**Filia:** -is dressed in leather clothes and holds a whip- ;D

**Shabranigodou:** -sings- I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight! (Oo; really...)

**Filia:** Dragons suck! All of them do! Mazokus are super duper! Woohoo! Go Mazokus!

**Filia:** And Lord of Nightmares (God) said; Let there be Mazokus!

**Xelloss:** Woo hoo for the dragons! Go dragons! Go dragons! Go, go, go Golden dragons!

**Dynast:** -is looking innocently with saucer eyes- I wanna have a lollypop... 9.9 ...please? (XD OMG! this one kills me! Lol!)

**Xelloss:** -hugs Supreme Elder tightly- I love you, man! -

**Xelloss:** Let there be peace, love and happiness! Especially happiness and lots and lots of luuuuuv!

**Dynast:** (This one is for all those who have seen "Fullmetal Alchemist") -is taking off all of his upper parts of clothing very rapidly, and then stands in a pose while flexing his muscles. Red and pink stars are twinkling around his head in the background- (Darn you, Alex Armstrong!)

**Zelgadis:** -sings- Everything is super when you're gaaaaay!

**Amelia:** Screw justice!!

**Zelass:** I would make a great house wife someday. - (yeah, right...)

**Filia:** All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. For instance Golden dragons! . \V/

**Lina:** What is Shabranigodou? Is it a pickle?! D

**Gourry:** Lina, shut up. Can't you see that I am too busy reading my math book for intellectuals!

**Gourry:** I am the 1st dimension's Einstein! Emc2...

**Sylphiel:** Phibrizzo is hot! 3

**Martina:** I will become a nun!

**Lina:** I'll give all my money to the poor people.

**Filia:** Xelloss! Xelloss! Where are you my little plum! My dear purple fuzzy ball!

**Shabranigodou:** I love you Ceiphied! Marry me! 3

**Dynast:** Lol! Lmao! Rotfl!

**Phibrizzo:** WTF, mate! Oo l33t! N00b!

**Valgaav:** Xelloss, I forgive you, man. Let me give you a bear hug. –hugs-

**Amelia:** In the name of injustice, lies and cruelty I, Amelia Will Teysla Seyruun will defeat all that has anything to do with goodness! Because there's no such a thing as being nice to people! Being nice sucks!

**Lina:** (not acting) Eeeek! A bandit! Help me! Help me someone!

**Amelia:** I… I… I'm… I'm afraid of…highs

**Zelgadis:** I like being a stone/human/demon (chimera). It makes me look cute. -

**Phibrizzo:** And let there be peace on earth with me!

**Xelloss:** -sings- I see friends shaking hands sayin' "How do you do?" They're really sayin' "I love you!" I hear babies cry, I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than I'll ever know and I think to myself what a wonderful world. Yes I think to myself what a woooonderfuuuuul woooooooorld.

**Filia:** Xelloss, let's make lots of Xelloss' and Filia's!

Xelloss: Sure will do!

**Shabranigodou:** Wanna have a piece of me?!

**Zelgadis:** I like it when Amelia and Lina are calling me Mr. Zelgabunny. It makes me feel sexy. And in fact I like it so much that I'm going to change my name name Zelgadis into the new and refreshing Mr. Zelgabunny!

**Xelloss:** Purple is a disgusting colour! I want to dye it pink! Oh wait, maybe blonde will do!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** Look, Phibrizzo! Everything the shadow touches is our kingdom.

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** Wow!

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** A dark lords time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Phibrizzo, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new dark lord.

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** And all this'll all be mine?

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** Everything.

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** Everything the shadow touches. What about the light place?

**Shabranigodou**** (s):** That's beyond our borders. You must never go there, Phibrizzo.

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** But I thought a dark lord can do anything he wants.

**Copy Rezo:** There's no point in surpassing Rezo. I am my own person!

**Lina:** Amelia, I am so gonna to follow you in the name of justice! Lead me my dear teacher! D

**Lina:** OMG, Gourry, dear! Did you hurt yourself? Poor Gourry-sama. Let me look at that wound. Poor you, Gourry! Here, let me blow carefully at the wound. There! (oo that's scary)

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That's all for now folks (again)! ;D I'm not sure if I'm gonna be making another chapter. It was kind of hard making this one. -- So if you want me to make another chapter please review and let me know if there's some more things the Slayers characters never would do nor say! Please e-mail me; I will of course write who's been giving the ideas! :3 Have a nice day! :D


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Alright

**Author's Note: **

Alright! :D Another chapter update of "What the Slayers Characters Never Would do nor Say"! It's been a time since I made the last one. D: SO little time so much to do, but I finally got me to sit down and write chapter three. I realized during the writing that there are less ideas and stuff that the Slayers characters never would do. .; Really, you have no idea how hard it was to write this chapter…

Thanks to all who have encouraged me to write another chapter of "What the Slayers Characters Never Would do nor Say". I really appreciated it! :3 Keep on encouraging!

Please read and review! Enjoy! :D

Oh, since the previewer never wants to show the document as it is and to not make confusions, then the sentences which are connected to each other are marked with a '(s)'.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Slayers. It's Mr. Hajime Kanzaka who does.

**--**

**What the Slayers Characters Never Would Do nor Say**

_**-**__** Chapter Three -**_

**Zelgadis**** (s):** -sings- I'm NOT wearing underwear today! No, I'm not wearing underwear today. Not that you probably care much about my underwear. Still, then at less I gotta sayyy! That I'm NOT wearing underwear tooodaaaaaaay! -Clapping in the background-

**Amelia**** (s):** Get a job!

**Zelgadis**** (s):** Thank you …Honey

**Xelloss:** -sings- I'm an emo kid! (Song: I must be emo)

**Dynast:** -is dressed like Austin Powers- Yeah, baby, yeah! I'm a sexy sexy bitch! You can't resist this horny man, do you? :D

**Prince Phil:** And let the world be destroyed with me!! -Crazy laughter-Muahahahahahahahahahaha!

**Filia:** -to Valgaav- I made you and I can destroy you! –pushes the destroy button on a remote- Oh, damn! –Valgaav fails to be destroyed- They've must have put it in the wrong child at the hospital! (Quote from Peter Griffin, Family Guy)

**Gaav: **Come on sister! You're strong! We love you! –waves a banner -Go feminism! :D

**Filia:** Xelloss, let's make hot and kinky sex! ;D

**Xelloss:** Filia, what the hell is this? I said eggs white only! Are you trying to get me a bloody heart attack! -Throws the egg away- Make it again! (Stewie Griffin, Family Guy)

**Gourry:** -to the reality TV camera- Ah, the breakfast thing. It wasn't even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There's always been a lot of tension between Lina and me. And it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, "My God, wouldn't it be marvellous if I turned out to be a homosexual?" (Quote from Stewie Griffin, Family Guy)

**Dynast:** -laughs creepily as he's looking down his pants- I can see you! Hehehe! (Quote from Peter Griffin, Family Guy)

**Xelloss:** If pigs had wings and could fly, would they then be eating bird food..?

**Filia:** Xelloss, you're my bitch and I'm your mistress!

**Gourry:** -is MacGyver-

**Xelloss:** - is crying- I miss my mommy! ;o;

**Lina:** Gourry, is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me…? ;D

**Zelgadis**** (s):** -crying- I can't find a cure for my body! What if I'm gonna stay like this FOREVER?!

**Amelia**** (s):** Oh, for crying out loud! Cry me river, then build a bridge and GET OVER IT!

**Xelloss:** -in a deep and roaring voice- Me am a monster. The COOKIE MONSTER! Cookies! Me want COOKIES! Roar!

**Filia**** (s): **Xelloss, don't be such a child!

**Xelloss (s):** If I'm a child, Filia, that means you're a paedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and take this from a pervert!

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** -is sad because of the loss of the one piece of Shabranigodou- Say something!

**Dynast**** (s):** What?!

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** Just say something, please!

**Dynast**** (s):** Oh, for God's sake! Ahm… uhm… Yay, and God said to Abraham, 'you will kill your son, Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you. You have to speak into the microphone'. And God said, 'Oh. I'm Sorry, is this better? Check, check, check! Kenny, pull the high and out, I'm still getting some hiss back here'.

**Phibr****izzo (s):** Say something about my father/lord!

**Dynast**** (s):** Ah, oh yes, of course.

**Dynast:** - is dreaming- Attention world leaders! I have one hundred and thirty seven nuclear war heads trained on every capital city around the globe. The world is now under my control! But, oh no! I'm naked!

**Ze****las: ** You know, Wolfy. The word 'gullibly' is not in the dictionary. Oh, you don't believe me? Yeah, look it up! What you say? It really isn't? Oh, Rupert, touché! Hoisted by my own petard! Ahahahahah! Ahaha… -sighs- I'm so alone…

**Phibrizzo:** So Broccoli, the others say you are very good for me. Well, I'm afraid I'm no good for you! The first rule of war is known thy enemy. Well I know this: Cold kill Broccoli! It's so simple! All I need to do is to build a machine to control the global environment. Forecast the tomorrow: A few sprinkles of genius with the chance of DOOM!

**Gaav**** (s):** Okay, our next lodd is number 15 in your program. This is a one of a kind item: a super mega death ray. It's got the power to enslave the entire human raze. Do we have an opening bid?

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** -raises his hand and waves- Oh, oh, oh! Oh, Oh! OH! OH!

**Gaav**** (s):** Anything?

**Phibrizzo****(s):** OH! OH!

**Gaav**** (s):** We'll take any bid!

**Phibrizzo**** (s): ** Oh! Oh! Hey!

**Gaav**** (s):** it can enslave the human raze! Come on!

**Phibrizzo**** (s): ** Over here! Hey!! Over here!!

**Gaav**** (s):** Do I hear a hundred dollar? Five dollars? Alright, free? Enslave the human raze. Doesn't cost you a dime!

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** OH! Over here! In the back!

**Gaav**** (s):** Nope? Oh, well. Toss it away!

**Phibrizzo**** (s):** Doh!

**Gourry:** Meet my new weapon: My brain!

**Milgazia: **Xelloss, I have to tell you something… I'm gay! Marry me!

**--**

Phew. That's it, guys. You have maybe noticed that I've been taking/loaning quotes from Family Guy. So funny and so crazy! If you haven't seen it then do! :D

I'm not sure if I'm going to write another chapter. It was really hard making this one. -- So if you want me to make another chapter please review and let me know if there's some more things the Slayers characters never would do nor say!

Please e-mail me: 

I will of course write who's been giving the ideas! . Have a nice day! :3


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Slayers, Humor