Harry Potter 1. Amatuer Castration Station

After reading the horrible chapter in The Order of the Phoenix, 'Snape's Worst Memory', I decided to give the poor guy some slack. Well, just a bit, cause he looks like Zorro in the first movie. Nothing ever goes right for him, does it? (ha!)

**What puzzles me is, why doesn't Dumbledore advertise for a Potions teacher, and then let Snape teach DADA when the other position has been filled? Pure craziness. Like this story. Ha ha. Oh. By the way. Review please, not if you don't want to, of course, but it would be nice. **

The majority of people had shown up to see Snape get his ass kicked by Sirius. Of course, every single Slytherin and Gryffindor in the school had encircled the pair, forming a barrier of students. Although the Houses were infinitely opposed to one another, they let Snape and Sirius be their proverbial outlets, and not one of them missed the chance to see them charm, hex, curse, or jinx the shit out of each other. Sirius wore his usual fighting clothes, a pair of faded denim jeans, and a sleeveless red top, which had had a hole burned through it when Snape hit him with a fire hex the week before. Snape was wearing his usual black jeans and t-shirt, and had opted to wear a pair of steel-toed boots, which also had a metal bit sticking out in front. There was a neutral referee, a Ravenclaw sixth year who detested them both equally.

 Snape and Sirius were in their fifth year, and as such, most of the wonderful puberty related transformations had occurred. Snape had a particular vendetta with Sirius now. Instead of his voice breaking, Snape had acquired a lisp, which resulted in him calling himself Theveruth Thnape for a year. Sirius, of course, had not forgotten, and adopted a speech impediment every time he was in Snape's vicinity. 

"Prepare for the fight!" shouted the referee, and both Snape and Sirius handed their wands and robes to Lucius Malfoy and James Potter. The Slytherins and Gryffindors were cheering wildly, their shout echoing round the Room of Requirement, which had transformed into a large boxing ring, capable of holding nearly everyone in the school. "Black! Put those away!" shouted the referee; referring to the brass knuckles Sirius was in the process of putting on.

"Look at his shoes!" Sirius shouted, but the referee was addressing the crowd.

"If anyone is seen passing a competitor any foreign objects, said competitor will be disqualified, and the other will win by default." He said huffily, turning to face the fighters. He spaced them ten feet away from each other, and stood between them. "In order to win," he shouted over the jeers of the crowd, "your opponent has to stay down for ten seconds! To get up from staying down, you have to stand on both feet with no other part of your body touching the canvas! Understood?" Both Snape and Sirius nodded, eager to proceed. As the referee organized the crowd into a perfect circle around them, the competitors eyed each other up. They were strikingly similar, shoulder length black hair, which they kept flicking irritatedly out of their eyes, wiry muscles underneath lightly tanned skin, and the same carnivorous look twisting their thin faces. The bell rang. 

Sirius lunged at Snape, hands outstretched; Snape dodged him, and kicked him swiftly while he was falling. The Slytherins cheered.

Pouncing back up, Sirius landed a tremendous punch on Snape's jaw. Dazed momentarily, Snape tottered around, until another punch from Black knocked him out of his semi-consciousness. It continued in this way for some time, exchanging punches, snarling and shouting obscenities, Black's face was streaked with blood from a vicious punch that split his forehead open. Snape had a huge black bruise on his cheek, and a swollen lip. Smiling crookedly, Snape clouted Sirius right on the chin. Howling in pain, Sirius' jaw cracked faintly as he hit himself hard to put it back in place. Blood pouring out of his mouth, Black jumped on Snape, throwing him to the ground. Sitting roughly on top of him, Black began raining punches down on Snape's chest and head, to the delighted cheering of the Gryffindor crowd. Gathering what remained of his strength, Snape jerked himself sharply off the ground, sending Black flying head over heels along the canvas, skinning his elbow. Clutching his ribs, Snape stood up, and as Black ran towards him, swung a steel-toed foot right between Black's legs. The room went completely silent. Sirius went cross-eyed, snapped his hands over his genitals, buckled at the knees, and fell to the floor. Curled in a fetal position, Black whimpered in pain. Grinning, Snape landed another kick in the small of his back. Yelping with the shock and pain of it, although remaining in the same shape, Black made no attempt to get up as the referee counted ever nearer to ten. When the final bell sounded, the Slytherins yelled so loudly the room shook, and laughing at the prone position of Sirius on the floor, being comforted by Lupin, they returned to their dorms.

"He's no use to you now Lupin!" jeered Snape, and triumphant, he left the room. 

Short, I know, but still. I think it's good. But it's 3 in the morning and I'm plugged on caffeine, so maybe I'm wrong. I singed one of my eyebrows drinking sambouca earlier, silly me didn't blow it out first, so this is a consolation to myself. Bad grammar. But I'm too wired to care. 

**Please review. **

**Xanadan**


	2. Back In Black

I didn't really expect Krieg to be as popular as it is, but I have received no less than 13 e-mails about it, requesting more of the same. 

So. I should be fair and let Snape and Black take turns at humiliating/beating the crap out of each other, but I'm not fair, and I like Snape better. 

Beware of bad language and improper use of grammar.

Black will triumph sometime, but I'll feel so guilty afterwards I'll let Snape kill him or something. 

It was the first match of the Quidditch season. 

Slytherin versus Gryffindor. 

Tensions were running high the night before the match. In the Gryffindor common room, Sirius Black was assuredly telling everyone who would listen how he would knock his rival beater, Severus Snape, off his broom and render him unable to ever play Quidditch again. The other Gryffindor beater, Remus Lupin, was mentally pleading Sirius to shut up, he'd only get into trouble again and lose more points for Gryffindor. And Gryffindor needed all the points they could get after Black had informed Snape about where Lupin went every full moon. 

Lupin felt an unbearable twinge of guilt every time he caught a glance of the three parallel scars on Snape's back. Which was quite often, considering how it was seemingly Sirius' mission in life to get him naked every time they dueled. Retiring early to conserve their energy and aggression for the game, the Gryffindor team was sure of victory. 

The next morning, the Slytherin changing rooms were very quiet. They hadn't won against Gryffindor for two years. Picking up his broom, Severus Snape glanced out the window at the Gryffindor team, traipsing out of their changing rooms, minus one player. As they passed the Slytherins, the red-clad players shouted insults, and Snape barely heard James Potter saying,

"Why does Sirius feel the need to shower before and after a game?" Seizing his chance, Snape grabbed Lucius Malfoy and ran over to the Gryffindor changing rooms. 

"What are we doing?" Lucius hissed, as they snuck into the steam-filled showers. 

"Shhh!" Snape whispered in reply, suddenly leaping into a shower cubicle, dragging Malfoy behind him. Sirius emerged from the shower, black hair plastered to his head. He picked up a towel and wrapped it turban-like around his head. Desperately muffling their laughter as Sirius danced around drying his hair, occasionally singing bits of "The Macarena", he looked around suddenly and cursed, going back into the showers to retrieve something. 

"Quick!" whispered Snape, grabbing handfuls of Black's clothing and sprinting out the door. 

Watching through the window, Snape and Malfoy howled with laughter as Sirius looked around frantically for his clothes. Transfiguring his Quidditch robes into a rock, they left it outside the changing rooms and went down to the pitch, still laughing. Standing in the middle of the pitch, they informed the rest of the Slytherin team, who deemed it the best prank ever. 

Suddenly, the stadium exploded into laughter. Sirius was walking across the pitch, his flushed skin contrasting wonderfully with his white towel, which he was holding around him for dear life. He informed Madame Hooch, who stopped laughing for a minute to listen to him properly. James Potter and the rest of the team was falling about with laughter, much to the exacerbated embarrassment of Black, who was now scarlet. The entire stadium was pointing and laughing at him, and he noticed Snape and Malfoy imitating his dancing to the rest of the Slytherin team, and his face contorted with rage. 

Snatching James' wand, Sirius shrieked a curse with the borrowed wand pointed in the general direction of the Slytherins, and there was a tremendous crack accompanied with an explosion, sending Sirius flying backwards, but leaving towel behind. The occupants of the stadium gasped collectively, and then descended into jeering laughter. Standing up, with the colour draining slowly out of his entire body, Sirius looked around with a horrified expression on his face, apparently unable to move. Both teams were paralyzed with laughter. Sirius ran forward awkwardly, and snatched the towel off the ground. Wrapping it around himself quickly, he turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could out of the stadium, trying to stop the towel from blowing up. 

Lupin glanced apologetically at the rest of the Gryffindors, and ran after Sirius.

After talks with Madame Hooch, the Gryffindors forfeited, and the green side of the crowd erupted into cheering. 

Walking back to the changing rooms, Snape glanced at the Gryffindors, who were trying to talk to the towel-clad Sirius without laughing. Un-transfiguring the rock back into robes from a safe distance, Snape was greeted by James Potter, standing around the side of the changing rooms. 

"I don't like you." He said bluntly. "But that was fuckin hilarious."

**Cackle.**


	3. What A CockUp

Chapter three of god knows how many. If you have something you'd like to inflict upon a fictional character with no chance of being sued or cursed into oblivion, e-mail address is:

underthefloorboards@hotmail.com

On a Thursday afternoon, Slytherins and Gryffindors had double potions together in the dungeons. The teacher at the time, Professor Jigger, was a daft, balding old man, who barely knew where he was most of the time. 

Which is exactly why Severus Snape and Sirius Black got away with most everything in his class. 

Today, they were making a Truth Draught, which was to be bottled and given to Jigger before the end of the lesson. 

Now. Snape happened to know more about potions than Jigger himself, and had already planned his revenge on Black for hexing his robes the previous day. The hex, which was a particularly wicked find of Black's, made Snape's robes fly up over his head whenever a girl walked past him. Much to the horror of Professor Mc Gonagall in Transfiguration, where they stayed up over his head the entire lesson.

Sirius and Remus were paired together, and were situated beside James and Lily. 

Remus, as always, had lined his ingredients along the table, in order of addition to the Potion. Snape knew, that if the miniature marshmallows and the powdered scarab beetles were switched, the Truth Potion would turn into something decidedly more interesting. Under the pretence of getting more water from the fountain on the wall, Snape sneakily switched the ingredients, and finished his own potion quickly, so he could watch the show. 

Sirius was dancing like a shaman around his cauldron, muttering weird made-up words under his breath, much to the delight of James and Remus, who were bent double in laughter. Lily was watching with a disdainful look on her face. Sirius grabbed the marshmallows and the beetles, and carefully added them in the order Severus had planned. 

Leaning back on his desk, Snape watched the violent pink potion erupt, geyser-like, out of Black's cauldron and hit him squarely in the face. Spluttering in surprise, Sirius looked round at James and Remus for help, but stopped in mid-turn. There was a noise like a plunger in action, and Black squeaked, snapping his thighs together. James, Remus and Lily watched as he tried to run out of the classroom moving only his lower legs. He managed it, however, and wasn't seen for the rest of the day. 

Rumors started as to the whereabouts of Sirius Black. It was common knowledge that he had returned to the dormitories, and locked himself in a bathroom. 

What was not widely known was that Remus and James had taken him to the Hospital Wing in the early hours of Friday morning. 

Sitting at the Slytherin table, Snape sat smugly in the knowledge that, is the potion was allowed to work for long enough, the results would be irreversible. Someone tapped him on the shoulder. 

"Professor Dumbledore?" Snape was rarely addressed directly by the Headmaster. 

"Could I have a word please Severus?" he asked politely, and Snape followed him out of the Great Hall. 

They walked in silence for a while, until Severus realised they were heading towards the Hospital Wing. 

"You have potions class with Sirius Black, don't you?" Dumbledore asked him, as they walked past Peeves making  suits of armor do the tango. 

"Yes sir." Answered Snape, avoiding a wasp that had flown through the window. 

They reached the Hospital wing. Pushing the door open on the surgical cleanliness, they walked towards a bed with the curtains pulled around it. 

"Mr. Black has sustained some rather, unusual, injuries from a awry potion. Professor Jigger cannot remember there ever being a disturbance." He whispered softly. "As you would be the most talented student at Potions, I was hoping you could give a diagnosis." Dumbledore smiled. "I have never been very good at Potions." He added, pulling back the curtains. 

It was all Snape could do to not collapse with laughter. 

Sirius was sitting up in the bed, clutching the covers around his shoulders and looking severely depressed. James, Remus and Lily were sitting along one side of the bed, also trying desperately not to laugh. 

"Um…" said Snape uncertainly. It was quite hard to know what to say. "What happened?" 

Sirius snorted derisively. "Doesn't really tell me much." Snape retorted. 

"I'll leave you to it, then." Said Dumbledore, sidling out of the room. 

"What are you doing here?" hissed James. 

"Dumbledore wants me to find out what went wrong with Black's potion, and then make a antidote." He sneered. "Believe me, I did not beg to help."

Looking slightly less hostile, James turned to Sirius. 

"Tell him what happened." He asked gently. 

Sirius shook his head arrogantly. "The quicker you tell him the quicker he can get an antidote." James said cautiously, eyeing Black as though he would launch into a killing spree. Black burst into tears. Looking thoroughly shocked, Remus handed him a box of tissues. 

"Thank you." Black sniffed, pulling out handfuls of tissues. 

"He's feeling a bit hormonal." Explained Lily, with a sympathetic look on her face. Remus was holding his hand now. 

"It's ok, Sirius, I'm not much fun to be around a few days in the month either." 

"Pardon?" Snape exclaimed. "Is he…" he trailed off, gesturing at Black. Lily nodded. Snape grimaced. 

"How?" Apparently this was the wrong thing to say. 

"You don't understand me!" Black screamed, chucking the tissue box at him. "You have no idea how it feels to be a woman!" Dissolving into tears again, Black continued to mumble about sexism, until Remus had him halfway sociable again. Flicking hair out of his eyes, Sirius tied it back in a ponytail, but when he raised his arms, the covers fell off his chest. He was wearing one of Lily's bras, a deep burgundy color, with a small floral print on the straps. James couldn't help himself. Falling off his chair with laughter, James clutched his stomach as he continued to roar with laughter. Snape could easily see what was so funny. Sirius had retained the musculature of a well-built young man, six pack and biceps like bowling balls, but he had grown a pair of breasts, contained in a floral bra. Pouting, Black flung back the covers and announced, 

"I'm going to the bathroom!" in a wavering voice, and he grabbed a packet of Tampax from the bedside table, and strode off to the toilets at the end of the ward. Seeing him out of bed reignited the hilarity of the situation and James started laughing hysterically again. 

Sirius was wearing panties to match the bra. 

That was perhaps the strangest thing Snape had ever seen. The most athletic boy in the school, with a body to rival Arnold Schwarzenegger, having breasts, wearing a bra, panties stretched over broadened hips, and having absolutely no sign of  a bulge where should be a bulge. 

James had just about calmed down, when a voice came from the toilets.

"Lily?" Lily looked horrified. 

"Yes?" she answered reluctantly. 

"How do you use these?" he called, sticking his hand out the door. Dangling threateningly from his hand, was a tampon. __

"There's a diagram on the packet." Called Lily, pleading mentally not to have to show him. 

"Yeah, I know, but I don't understand it." He answered, and paper rustling could be heard. "Where's the vagina?"

Lily stood, and took something out of her bag. Walking quickly towards the toilet door, she passed it through to Sirius. 

"Use that instead." She said, and started walking back towards the bed.

"What the hell's this?" he screeched, sticking his hand back out the door. He was holding a sanitary towel. 

"Peel off the papery bit." Replied Lily. There was more rustling. 

"Now what?" 

"Now stick the sticky bit onto your pants." She answered. 

After a short pause, Sirius emerged from the bathroom. James rocked back and forward in convulsions of laughter. 

Sirius had indeed stuck in on his pants. On the outside, horizontal along his stomach. 

"How does it work like that?" he asked, completely confused. Lily explained it to him again, and he fixed it quickly behind the bed curtain. Jumping back into bed, he looked slightly put out. "How can you do that every month?" 

Lily rolled her eyes. 

"Do you know what's wrong with him yet?" asked Remus. Severus had taken a book from his bag and was reading a page labeled, _'Mistakes and After-Effects'_.

"I think he may have mixed up the addition of scarab beetles and miniature marshmallows." Answered Snape, pretending to sound as though it had just occurred to him. "That would result in a highly volatile potion that reverses the gender of the maker."

"Sounds about right." Said James. 

"However…" he mumbled. 

"What? What is it?" shrieked Sirius worriedly. 

"If the potion is left to work for long enough, it may be irreversible." He continued, feigning a look of concern. 

"Well get to work!" screeched Sirius, "I don't want to be stuck like this!" 

"You know why they call it a ponytail, Black?" snarled Snape, gesturing at Sirius' ridiculous hair, "Because there's always an arsehole underneath." 

SLAP. SLAP. Sirius was kneeling on the bed, with a hand poised to slap him again. 

Snape didn't move. 

"He's trying to help, Sirius." Placated Lily. This seemed to make Snape even angrier. Throwing down the book, he donkey-nipped Sirius on the nipple. Howling in pain, Sirius recoiled back towards Lupin. Black made another lunge for Severus when he went to pick up the book, but James grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back. 

Snape sat while Lupin talked to Sirius. 

"Snape? I mean, um…Severus?" said Black in a small voice.

"What?" he replied angrily. He still had a red hand-mark on his face where Sirius slapped him. 

"I'm sorry for slapping you. And being arrogant and ungrateful. I know you're just trying to help, and I appreciate it." He mumbled. He extended a hand. Lupin grinned happily. Shaking it quickly, Severus launched into an explanation of how the potion would turn him back. 

"The obvious stuff will return first." He said uncomfortably, not wanting to talk about Black's genitalia in any way, "and then all the hormonal stuff will dissipate over the space of about an hour." 

"I'll still bleed?" shrieked Black. Severus nodded. "Out of…?" he whined. Severus nodded again. 

"I'd better get going. It's quite a complicated potion." He said quietly, and walked off towards the door.

Returning about an hour later with a goblet full of the potion, Severus was greeted with the sight of James feeling Sirius' breasts. Sirius was giggling girlishly, telling James to, 'move a bit to the left…no right…there! Do that again!' e.t.c. 

Coughing to announce his presence, Severus handed Black the potion, and told him to drink it all at once. 

Gulping it down, the 'obvious stuff' happened immediately. 

Sirius' chest seemed to deflate, and he quickly wrenched the bra off himself. There was a ripping noise. 

"I don't think panties are designed for men." Said Sirius unnecessarily, as everyone except Remus averted their eyes to him pulling off the panties and bending down to get boxers from a bag beside the bed. 

Chatting amiably to James, Lily remembered something.

"Sirius! You're still…the blood!" she yelped, handing him another sanitation device. Skittering off to the bathroom, Sirius affixed said item _inside_ his boxers, and emerged smiling. Gathering his books, Snape made to walk back to the Slytherin Common Room, but Sirius stopped him. His eyes were watering, and he fanned at his face with his hands as he gushed thanks and gratefulness at Snape, who remained impassive. Finally bursting into hacking sobs, Sirius flung his arms around Snape, and cried all over the shoulder of his robes. Remus looked highly amused, and James and Lily made 'Awwww' noises as Snape felt extremely uncomfortable and reluctantly put an arm around Black, patting him cautiously on the shoulder. 

Wrenching Sirius off him, Snape held him at arms length, while the tears subsided, and Black's face returned to it's normal tanned color, instead of the beetroot red it had been throughout his crying session.

Still thanking him for all his hard work and 'I know you don't like me that much but I appreciate it that would you would help', Snape turned to go, but Black grabbed onto his arm and spun him around, planting a kiss on his cheek. 

"Thanks." He said coyly, blushing and giggling. 

Awwww. A lot longer than the previous chapters, but I think Sirius Black getting breasts and periods is too much fun not to drag out. 

Oh. By the way, if you don't know what a donkey nip is, it's when you get a bit of skin and flesh between your forefinger and thumb and twist it around. It's bad enough on your arm, but it's almost unbearable on nipples. 

And the 'sanitation device' thing, that's what one of my friends call tampons and pads and stuff. She's a bit weird sometimes. 

Xanadan


	4. Of Wolf And Man

Hello! It's been a while hasn't it? Anyway, being extremely bored over the Christmas/New Year season, I decided to launch into this again. Hee hee. It's something that has never been documented in the books themselves, merely mentioned and left at that. I hope there's a proper explanation in Book 6, but in the meanwhile….I think I'll do my own. This occurred sometime before chapter 1. 

Transfiguration on a Tuesday was always shite. Mc Gonagall always seemed more irritable on a Tuesday, for whatever reason. Severus couldn't help but notice the empty seat to the front left of his own. Where the hell was Lupin anyway? Sirius seemed distracted. Snape was just annoyed. Not knowing the reason behind something as obvious as Lupin's monthly disappearance just grated on his nerves. Sirius wouldn't tell him; he was too stung by Snape beating him in a duel the week before. The bell rang. Clearing up his books and parchment, Severus decided he'd try his luck anyway. 

"Sirius!" Snape called, and a flutter or apprehension unsettled him when Sirius, James, Lily and Peter all turned around to look at him approach. 

"What?" Black snapped, clearly not concerned.

"Could I talk to you for a minute?" Snape asked, ignoring James' shrill imitation. Sirius stared at him for a while, and then walked off into an empty corridor. "What do you want?" he snarled, but dark shadows under his eyes hinted at the underlying worry. 

"Where's Lupin?" A straight question, which required only a straight answer, but Black stared at him for a full minute while contemplating the answer. Leaning in closer, so that anyone nearby wouldn't be able to hear, Black answered.

"The Whomping Willow. Press the knot on the trunk and you'll find him." He whispered cryptically, moving his head so his face was an inch from Snapes. Eye-to-eye, Sirius chuckled softly, winked, and walked off. 

"Why the _hell_ did you tell him?" roared James, standing opposite from Sirius. 

"Don't be so fucking stupid! It's not like he's going to do anything about it!" 

Lily sat on an armchair behind James, hating seeing him so angry. But he had a point. Sirius should never have told Snape how to find Lupin. She looked accusingly out of the window at the moon, shining with borrowed light. 

"Of course he will! He hates not knowing something! What if Lupin kills him or something? How're you gonna explain that?"

"Remus wouldn't, though…" whined Sirius, "He'd know!"

"D'you think he's in control of himself? Jesus Sirius! You're supposed to love Lupin! Didn't you think of how Remus would feel if he'd killed someone?"

Sirius stood silent. "I do love him."

Walking slowly across the grounds, the moonlight illuminating everything, covering the trees, the lake, and the castle, with a silvery sheen. Including the Whomping Willow. It grew as he approached it, until it loomed above him. He peered through the limp branches for the knot, and quickly saw it, a huge blemish on the otherwise smooth surface. He took out a rock from his pocket, procured from the lakeside. Aiming carefully, he tossed the rock deftly at the knot, hitting it squarely. The tree gave a sort of shudder. It was then he noticed a large hole among the roots, and wondering why he hadn't seen it before, he pushed the branches aside and clambered down into the hole. He let his eyes adjust to the dimness before lighting the end of his wand. The thin beam of light shone on the damp walls of the tunnel, stretching into god knows where. Quelling the feeling of foreboding rising in his throat, he started walking. 

Eyeing the tunnel ahead as it came into view, he tripped on a root poking out of the floor of the tunnel. His wand fell away and the light went out. Shouting a curse at nothing in particular, he felt around for his wand, picking up several twigs before he found it. Just before he lit it, he felt something large move swiftly over him. Freezing, he listened, but heard nothing. When the area around him was lit again, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Proceeding walking, he failed to notice the huge paw prints on the earthy floor. 

Watching both the floor and the tunnel ahead, he soon came to stone steps. The door at the top of the steps was open. Slowly climbing the steps, Severus peered out into what seemed to be the entrance hall of a grand house, but was somewhat lessened by the ripped upholstery and damp climbing up the walls. Muttering an incantation, an orb of light bubbled from the end of his wand and floated up among the rafters, lighting the whole room. He was halfway into the room when he heard something climbing up the steps. He could hear claws clacking on the stone. Rigid with fear, he watched as the huge form filled the doorway. Two spots of light were dancing in its eyes. A dull shine played on its inch-long canines. One clawed paw entered the light. The claws, black and as long as his fingers dug into the floorboards as the werewolf squeezed through the doorframe. 

"Lupin?" Snape whispered, staring in horror as it drew nearer. Suddenly, it pounced, slamming him onto the floor, winding him. One paw rested heavily on his chest, the other on the floor beside his head, claws ready. The werewolf lowered its head slightly, and started sniffing loudly. The pain in his cheat increased, as he didn't dare breathe. The wet black nose pressed into his neck as the wolf continued to sniff. By now, Snape was shaking with fear, not wanting those teeth anywhere near his neck. Then, he made eye contact with the werewolf's, deep, brown eyes. Lupins eyes. Snape half-fancied there was a flicker of recognition, but the relief of the pressure on his chest made him forget. Sitting up, breathing heavily, he watched the wolf wander off. Something in the periphery of his field of vision moved. Severus could have died. Another wolf. Black, huge, and looking right at him. A deep snarl from behind him made his stomach twist. The werewolf and the other wolf (or was it a dog?) began fighting, then there were footsteps, and someone lifted him. Not really understanding anything right now, Snape let himself be dragged out of the room and back down the steps. He tasted something vile in the back of his throat. The hand on his arm loosened its grip. 

"What's wrong?" hissed a voice. 

Not much point in asking me, Snape thought, cause I don't know. He suddenly felt very faint, and slumped against the wall. For the first time, he was aware of a horrible, cramping pain in his chest. He couldn't breath, he felt something cover him, like a sheet, and suddenly James was there, looking very white. Taking shuddering, gasping breaths, he felt something thick pooling in his throat. Hawking and spitting it out, he felt James retch and almost felt like vomiting himself when he saw the spongy lump of bloody tissue lying in the dirt. Still choking for air, he was heaved into standing and half carried down the tunnel. James was going as fast as he could, glancing behind him the whole time. Just as they saw the moonlight coming through the hole, the other wolf, the black one, sprinted past them and leapt out of the hole. James pulled himself through the hole, punching the knot as he went, and Severus, desperate to just get out, hoisted himself through and stood up. Before he could take a step, the werewolf emerged also, and swiped a clawed paw across his back. He didn't really feel any pain, just a curious sensation as he felt his ribs shatter and warm wetness course down his sides. The black wolf (dog?) pounced upon the werewolf again and the two canines resumed fighting inside the tunnel. James saw the tree twitch. Running forward, he grabbed Snape and pulled him out of the tree's reach. The black dog dived out onto the grass just before the tree regained full mobility. The werewolf poked its snout out of the hole and got whipped by a branch for its trouble. James stared at Snape, who was still standing, but slowly getting paler. He swayed slightly, and James caught his arm and lowered him gently onto the ground. The black wolf wasn't there anymore. James looked momentarily at the dark shape running to the castle. Hopefully Madame Pomfrey would get here before it was too late. Looking down at Snape, he felt that he should do something, or say something, just in case he was dying. Trying desperately to ignore the viscous fluid seeping out through the grass from underneath Snape, and the look of complete and utter nothingness on his face, James stared instead at the lake, and the moonlight dancing on the surface. He wished suddenly that Snape was doing something. Instead of just lying there bleeding his life away. His eyes were focused on something. James looked up. The moon. Stupid bloody rock, floating and gloating and doing fuck all to help anyone. James couldn't think of anything he could say to help. He thought instead of his excuse for the situation. Then he felt disgusted with himself. It might as well have been him that told Snape where to go. True, Snape wasn't his favorite person in the world, but he still didn't think this was the death he deserved. This wasn't the death anyone deserved. He looked towards the castle, and saw Sirius almost beside him, Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore close behind. 

Lupin was sick after Sirius told him what happened. And then he was sick again after he went to visit him the Hospital Wing. After he cried when Snape said it wasn't his fault. With his chest heavily bandaged, ribs healed, skin scarred, but with no rough edges, Snape was recovering slowly, but recovering nonetheless. Madame Pomfrey told him that one of the ribs had punctured a lung, and he told her he had coughed up a bit of it. James and Sirius made him a card shaped like a wolf. Just for badness. 

Slightly more gory and depressing than usual, but Christmas has put me in a bad mood. As well as shitty TV. 

**Please review. Please?**

**Xanadan**


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Harry Potter, Adventure