Inuyasha 1. Alcohol

**By Way of Explanation:**

**This is done because I love to see Kagome telling Sesshomaru off. Whether she has a reason to or not.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Kagome frowned at her boyfriend, who was sitting across from her at their table in the restaurant.

"Sesshomaru, are you ignoring me?"

Sesshomaru blinked, before deciding it was safer jut not to answer that question. He remained silent and began eating his food.

Kagome's eyebrow twitched. "You aren't talking to me? Did I do something wrong?"

Sesshomaru continued eating.

"Well?" Kagome asked, waiting for a response.

Sesshomaru didn't answer her.

Kagome narrowed her eyes, before throwing up her hands and exhaling angrily.

"You are such a jerk! You're avoiding talking to me, aren't you? Is this how we're going to do things from now on? You're just going to sit around and not say anything? When I want to talk to you, you just aren't going to respond? Is this how it's going to be even when we're married? Or have you decided that we aren't going to get married, and this is your way of breaking it to me gently?"

Sesshomaru set down his utensils and stared at his girlfriend. "You are drunk."

Now, with his nose, he knew that she wasn't, but that didn't stop him from saying she was. He saw it as the only reasonable explanation for what she had just said; being unable to come up with any other reason she would suggest he didn't want to spend the rest of his miserably long life with her.

He quickly discovered, however, that he had said the opposite of the right thing. He winced internally, and berated himself for not following his policy: Don't ever talk when Kagome starts yelling.

Kagome was glaring at him. It was actually quite menacing from where he was sitting, or maybe it was only menacing because he knew exactly what she would do if he didn't go about cleaning this situation up properly.

Before he could even attempt to salvage the future of their relationship, Kagome began talking.

"What are you trying to say, Sesshomaru?"

"I-"

Kagome interrupted him. "Because, there are only three possible ways that I could be drunk right now. Did you slip alcohol into my drink, Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru shook his head mutely, strictly adhering to his policy, even though she wasn't yelling. In fact, her voice was more of a whisper.

"Good," Kagome said. "Did you let someone else slip alcohol into my drink, Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru shook his head.

"Okay. So there is only one possible way that I could be drunk right now. I must have consumed some alcohol myself. So, are you saying –knowing that you didn't slip alcohol into my drink– knowing that no one else slipped alcohol into my drink– that you accused me of being drunk, when the only way I could be drunk is if I consumed the alcohol myself? Because if you are, you're also accusing me of breaking the law. Do I look old enough to drink to you?"

Sesshomaru didn't respond, knowing that if he said the wrong thing, he could send her on a whole new tangent –one that still involved her ranting furiously at him.

"Am I old enough to drink, Sesshomaru?" Kagome asked.

` "No."

"Hmm. And knowing that, and all that you knew, you still accused me of being drunk."

Sesshomaru was becoming more and more unsure of how to end this one-sided argument of sorts.

Kagome scowled. "Well?"

"Well, what?" Sesshomaru asked hesitantly.

Kagome exploded. "Ugh! I don't even know why I'm dating you!"

Sesshomaru decided that reminding her of all the reasons she had given him as to why she was dating him would be the worst possible thing he could do. Staying silent was the second worse possible thing he could do.

He went with the lesser of the two evils.

Kagome groaned. "I'm going home!"

Kagome stood, causing Sesshomaru to blink in surprise.

"I will call for the check."

Kagome stomped her foot. "Ugh! I'll walk, thank you very much. I am perfectly capable of walking home by myself!"

"Sit down, Kagome."

Kagome pointed at Sesshomaru and waved her finger in his face. "You're always trying to control me."

"It is dark outside," Sesshomaru said, as if that explained everything.

And to him, it did. If she went outside and walked home, he had no idea what would happen to her. Actually, he had a few ideas, which was why he needed Kagome to cooperate with him.

"Sit."

Kagome scoffed. "Stop ordering me around!"

Sesshomaru stood and placed a hand on Kagome's shoulder. "Sit down."

Kagome looked up at him. "You're making a scene."

Sesshomaru shook his head. If anyone was making a scene, it was she.

Sometimes, he wondered why _he _was dating _her._

The way her eyes flashed before narrowing made him realize that he had made an extremely big mistake in even letting that thought pass through his mind.

"I said that out loud."

"Really? I didn't hear it?" she said, her voice scathingly sarcastic.

"I did not mean to say that."

"But you meant to think it?"

He had walked right into that one.

"Please sit down, Kagome."

"No. Because, not only do you think that I participate in illegal activities like underage drinking, you don't know why you're dating me!"

"You said that earlier," Sesshomaru pointed out, before wincing. That had to be the stupidest thing he had said the whole night.

Kagome's eyes widened and she began waving her arms around, drawing attention to their table. "But I'm me, Sesshomaru!"

"A double standard," Sesshomaru said, throwing caution to the wind and digging his own grave.

"Do you have a problem with my double standards?" Kagome asked angrily.

Sesshomaru paused before answering. The wind had apparently changed direction and brought him back his caution.

"Well?" Kagome demanded.

"No."

"Good!"

Silence descended. Sesshomaru analyzed the situation. The first thing he noticed was that his hand was still on Kagome's shoulder. He quickly averted his eyes, but it was too late.

Kagome looked at his hand before glaring at him. "Why are you touching me?" she yelled.

He pulled his hand away.

"I want to go home!"

Sesshomaru nodded, before flagging down their waiter.

He sat down when he finished requesting the check and looked at Kagome.

"Do you wish to-"

"No."

Sesshomaru closed his mouth.

They remained in their positions until the check came. Sesshomaru quickly paid and stood.

Together, but not together, Sesshomaru and Kagome walked out of the restaurant. They walked to his car.

He attempted to open the door for her, but her glare was enough to stop him from attempting to be gentlemanly.

He walked to his side and entered the car. When they had both buckled their seatbelts, and he had started the car, Sesshomaru spoke.

"Kagome?"

"What?" she snapped in answer, crossing her arms and turning to look out of the window.

Sesshomaru peeked at her from the corner of his eye and decided not to say anything else for the rest of the night. He had only just remembered why he was a naturally taciturn person.

He started the car and began the drive to his girlfriend's house.

He wondered how she would feel if he decided not to take her out on any more dates until they got married.

…

**I had fun writing that!**

**Who doesn't like an abnormally volatile Kagome who yells at her poor boyfriend who loves her dearly but doesn't know how to calm her down or deal with her?**

**T.N.T!**


	2. Dutch

**Okay, to note, these are not interrelated or at all connected.**

**Each one is a stand alone one-shot.**

**Enjoy!**

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**And, just in case you guys don't know, going Dutch is when each person pays for his or her share separately.**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Koharu rushed into the kitchen and searched for Sango. The older girl was filling in for one of the chefs, but Koharu needed to get her to work her regular position as a waitress.

Normally, Koharu wouldn't have bothered Sango, but a pair of their regular customers was back and asking for the check. Miroku, the restaurant manager, had expressed to all of the staff that anyone could serve them, but only he or Sango could bring the check.

At first, Koharu hadn't understood, but after seeing what happened when the check was brought out, the thought of taking it to them herself never crossed her mind.

Koharu breathed a sigh of relief as she finally spotted Sango.

"Sango!" she called. "Table Seven wants their check!"

Sango turned to her with wide eyes, before nodding. "All right. I'll take it to them."

Sango washed her hands and replaced her cooking apron with a serving apron. She grabbed the check she was looking for, and walked out into the restaurant.

Sango bit her lip when she spotted the couple she was looking for. She shook her head. She couldn't believe she had forgotten they were coming. They had made reservations, and they always came on Friday night. They hadn't missed a single week since they had started dating. Except that time when they had stopped talking to each other, but everybody tried to forget that time.

She walked up to them with a smile. They looked absolutely in love. She hated to have to ruin the peaceful atmosphere, but they never broke routine, so she didn't see why she should.

"Hello, Sesshomaru, Kagome."

Kagome looked at her. "Hi, Sango!"

"I've got your check. How will you be paying?"

She only asked because that's how things always went. It didn't actually matter if she spoke or not, but she liked to be the one to set things in motion.

"We'll go Dutch."

Sesshomaru stopped reaching for his wallet to look at his fiancée sharply.

Sango had to hold back her laughter. He always seemed surprised when she said it, no matter the fact that she said it every time they came.

She had been saying it for years, and he always, always, looked surprised.

"I will pay," he said tersely.

Kagome looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "We're going Dutch," Kagome said, emphasizing each word.

"I told you to leave your wallet at home."

"I didn't listen."

"When I picked you up, you didn't have it."

"Believe it or not, Sesshomaru, my coat has pockets." Kagome turned back to Sango. "We'll be going Dutch."

Sango began to hand the check to Kagome, but Sesshomaru held out his hand.

Sango looked between the two of them, inwardly trying to figure out who would win.

They were pretty even on statistics. Kagome had won 100 times, and Sesshomaru had gotten his way ninety-eight, so there wasn't an overwhelming lead in either of their favor.

"Kagome," Sesshomaru started. "I will pay."

"Yes. You'll pay for your share, and I'll pay for mine."

"Kagome," Sesshomaru growled.

"Sesshomaru," Kagome responded nonchalantly.

Sango watched in wary amusement as Sesshomaru gritted his teeth. She was trying to enjoy the scene while she could, because sooner or later, Kagome would start exploding, and Sesshomaru would start glaring, and there was a very big possibility that Kagome would walk out of the restaurant, leaving Sango to deal with a very incensed Sesshomaru by herself.

Of course, that was how Sesshomaru won half of the arguments they had in the restaurant, but he was never pleased with those victories. In fact, he was more upset than when he and Kagome argued. Partially because they had been arguing, partially because he hadn't actually won the argument, and partially because Kagome had walked out on him. The latter was the one that upset him most.

"I will pay for all of it."

"Why can't I pay my half?" Kagome asked, her voice gaining heat.

"Because I will pay both halves."

"What gives you the right, huh? If I want to pay my half, let me pay it! You're always saying you want to make me happy; this'll make me happy!"

Sango winced along with Sesshomaru. That was harsh, but that was Kagome. She played dirty when she really wanted something. Sango was surprised, though. Kagome hadn't brought up the happiness thing since last year. She inwardly wondered if Sesshomaru had said something earlier to make Kagome agitated.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Sesshomaru spoke.

"I very much doubt that paying for your dinner is essential to your happiness."

Kagome's eyes widened. "So you're claiming to know what's essential to my happiness now? Since when are you an expert on what makes me happy?"

Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed and Sango took a few steps away from the table.

"You are still upset over the flowers," Sesshomaru accused.

Kagome slammed her hands onto the table. "No, I'm not upset over the flowers, Sesshomaru! I'm upset because you're treating me like I can't take care of myself!"

"Your ability to take care of yourself is not the issue. It is customary for the male to pay for the outing."

"Since when have you started adhering to customs? Did I miss something? Did you have an overnight epiphany that you forgot to mention or something?"

"You are overreacting. Let me pay and we can leave."

"What makes you think I want to leave after we both pay?"

Sesshomaru gritted his teeth, and Sango had a feeling he was trying to figure out which point of her sentence to address first.

The inu-youkai let out a breath before looking at his fiancée steadily. "Be reasonable."

Kagome sat back in her seat, clearly affronted. "Are you trying to say that I'm not being reasonable?" she asked menacingly, causing shivers to run up and down Sango's spine.

"That is not-"

Kagome cut Sesshomaru off. "Then tell me what you're trying to say, Sesshomaru!" she yelled.

The two stared at each other, and Sango debated breaking up the confrontation, when her boss and boyfriend sidled up beside her.

"Ah! Kagome, Sesshomaru. May I ask what all the commotion is about?"

Kagome turned to give him a glare that made him hide behind Sango. "Shut up, Miroku!"

"Do not yell at him merely because you are upset that I will not let you have your way," Sesshomaru admonished harshly.

Kagome looked at Sesshomaru with wide eyes. "Is that what you think this is about? Me not getting my way?"

Sesshomaru scoffed. "Of course. I have spoiled you entirely too much."

Kagome gaped at him, absolutely speechless.

Miroku whispered into Sango's ear quietly. "If Sesshomaru pays you have to let me grope you all I want this week without hitting me."

Sango stiffened. "You can't grope me at all if Kagome wins."

"It's a deal, my dearest. There's no way that Sesshomaru will lose."

"There's no way he'll win. He's completely whipped!" Sango said.

Instantly, Sesshomaru cold glare was pinned to Sango, causing her to shudder in fear.

"Hey! Don't you glare at her, you jerk!" Kagome ordered.

Sesshomaru turned to Kagome. "I will do what I please," he growled out, obviously not taking Sango's comment lightly.

"Will you now?" Kagome asked mockingly. "And what exactly do you plan to do?"

"I will pay."

"No you won't."

"I will."

"You're so stubborn!"

"You are stubborn. And spoiled."

"I am neither!" Kagome exclaimed, seriously offended.

"You are, and merely because of my indulgence."

Kagome chuckled disbelievingly, while both Sango and Miroku cringed.

"Your indulgence? Wait just a minute! Are you saying that the only reason I am who I am is because you indulge me? And I am not stubborn! Nor am I spoiled!"

"Your constant misinterpretation of what I am attempting to say is tiresome."

"Woah, woah woah! So now I'm tiresome? If you're so tired of putting up with me and all of my glaringly obvious faults, why don't you just break off our engagement?"

"Do not be foolish," Sesshomaru snapped.

"So now, not only am I tiresome, I'm foolish? Goodness, Sesshomaru, you're finding all new reasons not to get married to me! Maybe I should just give you the ring right now!"

"You will do no such thing," Sesshomaru growled.

Sango and Miroku balked at the scene in front of them. It wasn't as bad as the argument that led up to the ten weeks when they refused to speak to each other, but it was pretty bad.

"Oh?" Kagome asked, practically growling herself. "Are you going to stop me?"

"Yes," Sesshomaru stated coolly.

Kagome eyed him calculatingly before changing her tactics. "Just let me pay, Sesshomaru! Please?" she whined.

Sesshomaru's hard glare was instantly replaced by and amused glint. Sango and Miroku stared in bewilderment. No matter how many times they saw it, it never ceased to amaze them how fast the arguments between the couple in front of them could change. It was mind blowing and slightly disconcerting.

"Absolutely not," Sesshomaru said.

"How about this?" Kagome started.

"What?"

"You let me pay."

"And?" Sesshomaru prompted.

Kagome blinked. "That's it."

Sesshomaru stared at her, attempting to stop his smirk from forming.

Miroku's shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.

Sango was gazing blankly at her friend.

"Well?" Kagome asked.

"What do I receive in return?" Sesshomaru drawled out.

"Umm…" Kagome hummed, cocking her head. "I'll love you forever?" she tried weakly.

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow before inclining his head. "A fair trade, I suppose."

Kagome brightened. "Seriously?"

Sesshomaru nodded and held his hand out for the check.

Sango blinked uncertainly, but ended up handing it over. She couldn't believe that he had given in so easily. He really did indulge her.

Sesshomaru reached for his wallet and stuffed a few bills in the check, before handing it over to Kagome.

Kagome added a few bills before handing it the check to Sango, who was still staring open-mouthed.

"Come on, Sesshomaru. Take me home."

Sesshomaru stood and extended his arm. Kagome grabbed it and pulled herself up.

"Our coats are in the front, right?"

Sesshomaru nodded. He firmly tucked his fiancée into his side and walked towards the front of the restaurant.

Kagome looked over her shoulder and waved. "Bye, Sango! Bye, Miroku!"

As soon as the two were out of sight, Miroku exploded in laughter, not even drawing the attention of the other customers. They were entirely too used to Friday night.

"I can't believe he gave in like that. He really is whipped."

"She did promise to love him forever," Sango commented wryly.

Miroku nodded and picked up the check. "Let's get back to work, Sango dearest."

He put his hand on the small of her back and led her away from the empty table. His hand continually slid lower, and in front of him, Sango smirked.

"You do remember our bet, right?"

Miroku froze, but Sango kept walking. She'd really have to thank Kagome one day. A whole week without Miroku groping her would be like paradise.

"The tip in there belongs to Koharu! Remember to give it to her."

…

**Hehehe!**

**I liked this one better than the first one, I think.**

**This argument seems a bit more realistic to me. **

**Maybe.**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**T.N.T!**


	3. Double Standards

**Another lovely argument.**

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**Prompt: ****Boys aren't supposed to hit girls, it's a general rule.**** Sent by Sorceress of the Nile**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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"Boys aren't supposed to hit girls, it's a general rule."

Sesshomaru stared at his girlfriend, who was looking at him with a deadly serious expression on her face. He blinked at her.

"What?"

"Boys aren't supposed to hit girls, it's a general rule!" she repeated with more force.

Sesshomaru continued to stare at her, unsure how this was relevant to anything they had been talking about previously.

"Well?" Kagome prompted.

"Well, what?" Sesshomaru responded.

"Don't you agree?"

She leveled him a look that begged for an answer.

He furrowed his brow before he answered. "I believe your double standards are foolish."

He could feel immediately when his girlfriend's demeanor changed from curious to icy.

"Foolish?" she repeated. "How so?"

Sesshomaru scoffed at her cold tone. "Take for example your sudden anger at me. You are allowed to disagree with my beliefs, but you get upset when I disagree with yours. Quite foolish."

Kagome gritted her teeth angrily. "I'm not upset because you disagreed with my belief, Sesshomaru. I'm upset because you think boys should be allowed to hit girls!"

Sesshomaru frowned imperceptibly. This conversation was going down a road he was sure it would be best to avoid.

"I did not say that."

"Well I'd have to be stupid not to realize that it was implied! I mean, that's definitely a double standard, and you think double standards are foolish. It stands to be reasoned that because the idea of boys not being allowed to hit girls is so foolish, you think that boys should be allowed to hit girls."

Sesshomaru stared at her. "In a battle-"

"No, no, no! I'm not talking about battles, Sesshomaru! Those are exceptions. You think boys should be allowed to hit girls."

Sesshomaru decided not to reply. He was going to wait until she ran out of steam to say something– if he decided to say anything at all– having just realized that he shouldn't have said anything in the first place.

Kagome began speaking again. "Okay. You know when I hit you on the shoulder when I'm angry with you; do you want to hit me like that when I make you angry?"

Sesshomaru didn't answer, inwardly cursing the fact that she had brought the two of them into the conversation. He didn't understand why she couldn't have used an objective hypothetical situation. Subjective situations always made things so much harder, especially with Kagome.

Kagome scoffed. "Oh. I get it. You do want to hit me sometimes. Are you afraid to say it? Just tell the truth!"

Sesshomaru scowled at her. He always forgot that she interpreted his silences in the most negative of lights. He honestly didn't know what to say to her now, though. Staying silent was obviously not an option, but saying that sometimes the things she did made him want to strangle her didn't seem much smarter a choice. Sesshomaru decided to try to diffuse the situation immediately.

"This conversation is over."

Of course, after saying that, he realized that that probably wasn't the best way to diffuse the situation. In fact, his comment only seemed to further enrage her.

"Oh! You are afraid to answer me! So I must be right! I'm right, aren't I? Well, if you think guys should be allowed to hit girls, I don't see why you don't just hit me like you want to," Kagome said, crossing her arms.

Kagome pursed her lips, waiting for her boyfriend's response. She knew she was probably blowing everything out of proportion, but she couldn't help it; her boyfriend was just so infuriating. Any other time she would have taken his answer much better, but she just didn't feel like letting it go because earlier that day Sesshomaru had refused to defend her when his mother had said some very… unfriendly things.

"Well?" Kagome prompted, still waiting for a response. "Why don't you just hit me when you feel like it?"

"Because, unfortunately, murder is illegal," Sesshomaru deadpanned.

Kagome's mouth dropped open as she processed what he had just said. She gaped at him, unsure how to respond to that particular answer. She hadn't been expecting that comment.

On his part, Sesshomaru was cursing himself. He hadn't actually meant to say that. He hadn't been thinking about the repercussions when he had spoken.

"Kagome," he began.

"Unfortunately?" Kagome whispered calmly.

Sesshomaru winced inwardly. Not only did her tone mean he was in even deeper trouble than before, but the 'unfortunately' was something he wasn't prepared to deal with. He knew for a fact that if he had left that word out, she would have gone easier on him.

"Unfortunately?" Kagome repeated. "So, you mean, not only do you want to hit me, but you want to kill me and you're sorry you can't kill me? And the only reason you don't actually hit me or kill me is because you don't want to have to deal with the red tape that would accompany killing me?"

"I do not wish to hit you," Sesshomaru tried weakly, knowing that if he protested her words directly, she would only get angrier and accuse him of lying.

"No?" Kagome asked, her voice rising in pitch. "Disembowelment has always been more your style!"

"Neither do I wish to eviscerate you."

"Well, what do you want to do? You don't want to hit me or gut me. Maybe you want to strangle me?"

Sesshomaru hesitated for a second too long.

Kagome let out a shriek. "So you do want to strangle me! Well- well… I don't even know what to say to you. How often do you feel the desire to strangle me, Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. "Too often," he whispered under his breath, feeling the urge come upon him right then and there.

Apparently, she heard him.

"Oh, my goodness! My boyfriend wants to kill me. Often. I can't believe you!" Kagome screeched.

"I do not seriously wish to kill you," Sesshomaru said, trying– and failing– to fix the situation.

"No? Why should I believe you?"

"If I wanted to kill you, I would find some way to do it without the law getting in the way."

Kagome stared at him. "That's reassuring. That's really reassuring, Sesshomaru. Because now I know, when the day comes when I do something to make you seriously want to kill me, you'll do it, and you won't hold back just because the law doesn't allow murder. That makes me feel so much better. Thank you for assuaging my fears."

Sesshomaru knew he was digging himself into a very, very deep hole. And he knew that if he didn't find some way to resolve the rapidly escalating problem, he probably wouldn't be talking to his girlfriend for at least a month. And while he appreciated his solitude at times, a month without her would drive him crazy.

"Kagome," Sesshomaru began, only to be interrupted.

"No, Sesshomaru! Absolutely not! I don't want to hear anything else from you! I'm so sick of this! This conversation and you! And you being a jerk, and you just letting your mother- you know what? I'm done!"

She stood from her seat, but Sesshomaru grabbed her wrist to stop her from walking away from him.

"Now you're physically restraining me! Great! Does the strangling come next?"

"My mother?" he asked, ignoring everything else she had just said.

The way she had referenced his mother abruptly led him to believe that there was a bit more to her anger than his many– admittedly stupid– statements.

She didn't answer him.

"What about my mother, Kagome?"

"Let go of me," Kagome demanded angrily.

"Sit back down."

Kagome eyed him dubiously. After seeing that he wasn't going to let her go until she sat, she acquiesced to his demand. He let go of her wrist, and she proceeded to cross her arms and glare at him for all she was worth. She hadn't meant to slip up and say anything about his mother. It was his entire fault. Honestly, if he weren't such a violent, homicidal jerk, they wouldn't even be in this situation.

"What about my mother?" Sesshomaru said again, looking steadily at his girlfriend, who had begun to fidget.

He raised an eyebrow. He was getting the feeling that this argument– if you could call it an argument– had more to do with his mother than anything else.

Kagome wrinkled her nose. "Nothing about your mother! Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with your mother, or any of the things that she says, or any of the things that she does, right?"

Sesshomaru stared at her. "You are upset about what my mother said today. Correct?"

Kagome blew up. "No, Sesshomaru! I'm not upset at what your mother said to me! She can say all the nasty things she wants to me; I could care less what she has to say! I'm upset over the fact that you did absolutely nothing to defend me!"

Sesshomaru blinked at her. "I did not think it necessary."

"And why not?" Kagome asked heatedly.

"I assumed it would automatically be understood that I supported you in any and all disputes with my mother."

Kagome blinked at him owlishly. "Really?"

"Indeed."

"Oh," she said.

The two stared at each other for a while until Kagome looked away with a blush on her cheeks.

She laughed sheepishly. "Well now I feel sort of bad for yelling at you so much."

"Hnn."

Kagome shrugged as she stood. "Oh well. I'm still angry at you for what you said about wanting to kill me, so I'll see you in two weeks. Bye!"

She walked away, leaving Sesshmaru to stare after her.

He sighed.

At least it wasn't a month.

…

**Gosh.**

**I've got to make these things shorter.**

**I hope you enjoyed it!**

**T.N.T!**


End file.

Inuyasha, Humor, Romance