Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

_**AN: Hi! This story used to be Journal of Descentby sweetietart. She has given me permission to take the story and finish it. I have re-written the first chapter somewhat and the next entry will be put up in a few days. I hope you enjoy! R&R**_

_August 14__th_

_I fear that I have fallen and I don't think I will ever be myself again. It all just started out as innocent research. I wanted to help the Order so bad; they need my knowledge. All the spells I was coming up with and yet they still wouldn't listen to me. I was too young to be initiated; I still had a year left at Hogwarts before they would consider me. None of them realized that I could take my N.E. now and pass with the highest grades since Riddle himself. _

_So in my free time, I began to research Darker spells; spells that the members of the Order would never touch. Maybe if I could pick the spell apart…down to its most basic form, I could make something that would help the Light win the war. It's all for the greater good…well that's what I kept telling myself. _

_I began to use the depths of the Forbidden Forest as my test site. I couldn't let the teachers I had grown so fond of over the years find out I was testing some of the most dangerous and- of course, illegal- curses for the betterment of humanity. Wards were placed; some that would shock wizards and witches at their severity and I began to test. _

_I have finally brewed the Wolfsbane potion at a master's level. I could help Remus out now; with Severus gone and all, no one was left to brew the potion for him. Its difficulty had astounded me at forest but I brewed it efficiently. That wasn't the only thing I accomplished in the forest. I had began to practice the Animus Ruinacurse; a curse is similar to the Dementor's Kiss, it destroys the soul without killing the body it inhabits. I'm going to start from the very being of the spell. Hopefully I will be able to understand its nature and those of its derivatives. A part of me wishes that I had never come across this spell. To lose your soul is a fate worse than death...something that I fear is slowly beginning to happen to me._

_Am I losing myself?? _

_xXx_

_August 20th_

_I have finally casted the Animus Ruinacurse; Its recipient being a vulnerable deer that I had managed to capture. I felt so weak after the casting, I'm surprised that I was able to make it to my bed. I don't even remember leaving the forest, I was too drained to think of anything else. The spell saps the energy right out of you. If I am to cast the spell again, I must make some lodgings close by...in a cave perhaps. I will have to think about it later. My research must have been flawed. Nothing I have read explained what the caster would feel like after casting such a spell. Damn those wizards, they think that know something and they write a book on it. People should do things first hand before writing down their knowledge to the world. All that power at your fingertips...it sent chills through my spine. A muggle-born witch casted a curse that few would dare to try. I feel so strong._

_Yet there is something that scares me. I think somebody was there; watching me as I performed the curse. I swear someone was there; watching me as I performed the impossible. Maybe I'm just paranoid. I should just stop thinking about it; it will cause more grief and anxitey just worrying myself. I now have enough research to show the Order what should be done. I won't show them everything...just enough to get them past those insolent thoughts of what is right or wrong. They won't know its me; they will recieve the information by an anomoyus person..someone that wants to help but is to scared to show their face. The elders would never gues it was me. _

_Knowledge is power after all._

_xXx_

_August 22th_

_Something is happening to me._

_I'm changing and I don't know if it will stop. All these urges...the idea of power haunts me so. Taunting me with such ideas of absolute power, I can't think of anything else. Its my obsession now. I have began to look for more spells; their darkness like a taste of heaven. I can't stop and the worst thing is that I don't know if I want to. I dreamt that I casted the Killing Curse on Harry last night. I can't even believe I am writing this down. In the dream, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to watch those emerald eyes I love lose their life. I can't eat...each time I try to the image of Harry's corpse appears. When I had woke up, the rush of power and control was still running through my body. The high that I have taken such a liking to is now going to be my downfall. _

_I don't know who I am anymore._

_xXx_

_August 25th_

_I haven't slept since my last entry. So much has happened and I must write it down before I forget. I pasted out on the night o the 22th; My energy had been sapped after casting the Animus Ruina curse again. I don't remember how but I woke up in a small cottage. My sense of perception was fluxuatating in and out ,I couldn't see anything around me. I just felt so tired; I wanted to sleep.I tried to fight off the urge as I tried to figure out where I was. The cottage had to be in the bowls of the forest; few people rarely went there. I remember a voice...what a voice it was. As I wavered on the brink of passing out, I could remember the male voice chanting over me. His arms were around me the whole time, even when I passed out. I can remember the end of the phrase though. That is why I am still up now...I searched the library up and down to find out what this phrase meant. _

_"**Redimio nostrum pectus pectoris , quod suo nostrum fatum , permissum nos exsisto linked pro infinitio."**_

_Its rough translation being, "To crown our heart, and to stitch our fate, to allow we to emerge linked for eternity." I think that it was part of an ancient devotion spell; a spell forgotten by most witches and wizards. Now I just need to find the charm so I can figure out who I am bound to. The spell left its mark on me; a six lined design laid on the inside of my left wrist. It was so unique and simple at the same time. I swear I could see the figure of two snakes snakes though?? I can't let myself think of who is bound to me though. I'm so scared...I think I know who it is but I don't dare utter that name now. For the spell to work, both of us had to be willing. Am I that lost to bound myself to someone so evil? __I don't want to believe it but I know it to be true. The darkness calls to me now..._

_What have I done?_


	2. Chapter 2

_September 5th_

_I'm scared of my future. I can feel him everywhere; I can't think straight and people are beginning to notice my distress. I can't let them realize what has happened. In the end, I would be crucified and I will not let that happen. I have to stay away from the books I have so longed to read; subjects of darkness at my very fingertips, but I cant let myself indulge in the temptation. I must stop this before its too late. If I don't, I will never be able to go back. I will never be me again. In the darkness I have called home, a New Hermione will emerge far greater than imagined. God, what am I thinking?? I can't think like this. _

_Can't I control myself anymore? _

_xXx_

_September 7th_

_Harry saw something last night; I could still remember his screams as we ran up to his room. Such sounds should have shocked me into a frightful state, yet for some reason I was hardly dazed. It didn't bother me...I felt happy. An unusual emotion for such an event, the devotion spell placed upon me is chanigng my personality. A connection has been placed; waves of anger and hatred being the result. Its strength was gigantous but I can't let that effect me. We can't let emotions rule over our actions. If we were to do that, then we would be completely vulnerable to our opponents._

_When I looked into those emerald green eyes, I saw fear. Harry feared me! Why does he fear me? I'm still his Hermione as I have always been. Did he see me in this vision of his? I have tried to corner him...to get him to look at me and tell me what he saw. Harry refuses to be in a single room with me alone. What could he have seen?!?!?!? I need to know._

_My dreams aren't my own anymore. I can feel ihs prescence; whispering things to me as I sleep. I can barely remember it, but I know one thing for sure. He wants to corrupt me; the edge on his voice is beyond possessiveness. I'm his. He tells me this over and over... the spell he casted onto us is breaking down my will. I don't know how long I will survive. I have to stop this; find the counter curse before its too late. I just have to and I dont know where to start. _

_xXx_

_September 10th_

_Sleep has evaded me since the 7th. The events that have happened...I can't describe the horror of what I have done. I was in the Forbidden Forest again; it was the only place I could go to conduct my research. I have found a new subject that has interested me; its the study of magical cores. Witches and wizards don't study this anymore; with the information twisting into the Creation of Magic, most would shy away from it. Yet an idea has plagued me since I cam across a book in the Black Library. Our core of magic makes us who we are magically. If we, perhaps, could influence the core inside each being to do something like to kill those who opposed us, would we gain the upper hand? It would be like the Imperius curse...I dont know Im still trying to figure this out. I was meditating; trying to sense the cores of magical beings in the forest when it happened. _

_I murdered a human being by the use of the Animus Runia curse. It was an accident, I swear it was. I felt someone was watching me and I instatnly jumped to the conclusion that it was a Death Eater. I had been trained by Moody himself to be on constant alert and on that day I wished I hadn't. Merlin, what have I done? I watched as the soul was renched out of his body and I couldn't stop it from happening. I'm a bloody Griffyndor! I'm supposed to be the heroine not the murderer. A dark part of my mind found it fascinating to watch as the soul disappeared with a bright pop. BLOODY HELL, WHAT KIND OF MONSTER AM I? I FOUND IT FASCINATING!! Am I truly that demented? Yet there worst was still to come; I heard him as I stared at the body in shock._

_He had been there; watching me the whole time. Part of me thinks after that event, he had baited me with that poor Muggle, suspecting I would think he was a Death Eater. I wouldn't put it past the psychopath; It was all a game of manipulation to him. I didn't move as he clapped at my achievements. He was pleased...I could feel the emotion through the bond he placed on us. I turned around to glare at him, yet he had vanished. My screams echoed through the air as I cried. A realization popped into my head and I fear that its becoming true as I write this down._

_I'm becoming like him. _


End file.

Harry Potter, Angst, Drama