Fullmetal Alchemist 1. Butterflies

It was a normal, random day at the office. The sun was shining through the windows, and Breda was cowering on top of the cabinets staring warily at the cage on Fury's desk.

"They're just butterflies." Fury said confusedly.

"But why are they there?" Havoc asked.

"They were lonely." Havoc rolled his eyes and looked at Breda.

"Get down from there you coward."

"No! They'll get me!" Farman looks up from the newspaper.

"I thought you were only afraid of dogs."

"I'm not afraid of them, they just disgust me."

"Well, why the fear of butterflies?"

"They're evil!"

_Flashback_

A young Breda is riding a tricycle down a sunny lane. He sees a butterfly and goes to pick it up, he trips and smashes it. Out of the sky millions of butterflies swarm around him, angered by the death of their second cousin twice removed. They fly up to him and latch on to him one by one. They slowly lift him into the sky and drop him onto the ground. They only lifted him up three feet, but the pain lasted anyway.

_Back to life_

"It's too painful to talk about." Breda exclaims like a drama queen.

"Dude, we just saw the flashback." Havoc sighed.

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Curse you wolfenzippo!"

"Heh heh heh," I laugh at my desk.

"Sir? I think you're over reacting." Fury points out shyly.

"This is all pointless." Farman comments."

"Where did you get the butterflies anyway?" Havoc asked.

"My backyard."

"No!!!!! You fool!" Breda yells.

"What?" Fury asks. At this point Ed bursts into the room.

"You are not going to believe this!" he exclaimed. "Millions of butterflies are swarming around the base!"

"Where's Al?" Roy asks coming in. Ed looks startled and looks out the window.

"Niisan!"

"Al!" the millions of butterflies are dragging him to their lair of pointless evil; you know the kind I mean.

"I knew you shouldn't have brought the butterflies here but did you listen, no!"

"Breda, shut up, they're butterflies, what could they possibly do?" Havoc says nonchalantly. Little does he know….

_**After a long time…**_

Roy is trying to fry the butterflies into oblivion as everyone else tries to shoot them out of the sky. Ed is making an unsuccessful attempt at slicing them up.

"There are too many of them!" Roy shouts. "Just give the butterflies back Fury!"

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"They're dead."

"How?"

"I guess feeding them sugar water was a bad idea." Roy grabs container.

"This is salt!"

"We're doomed!" Breda whimpered/shouted.

"I have an idea!" Havoc shouted.

"Doomed!"

"I applaud your confidence in me." He sarcastically replies. He grabs a toaster, some spatulas, and a few other things.

"What are you going to do with that?" Ed asks suspiciously.

"I'm going to jerry-rig the toaster!" he says proudly.

"What?!"

"I'm not quite sure what that means, but that's impossible." Fury adds quietly.

"It's simple." He starts putting the four spatulas in the slots, one on each side; he opens the toaster and does some technical looking stuff, and positions it at the window. "I hope this works." He turns on the toaster, the spatulas start to whir and they rocket out of the window. They all stare after it as it explodes leaving a burning trail. As the ashes clear every butterfly was gone.

"There was no way that should have actually worked." Farman mutters to himself.

"Where's Al?" Ed asks. They all shrug.


	2. Pillows

It was a few weeks after the "butterfly incident". The office had finally calmed Breda down enough to stop trying to insulate the base with gummy bears. What looked to be a peaceful day of filling out papers was rudely interrupted by a "harmless" comment from Havoc. As he was trying lay his head down to take a nap on the desk he made the "harmless" comment. "This desk needs padding."

"We are not padding the desk just so you can take a nap." Farman sighed.

"But Mustang has a padded desk."

"Those are for personal reasons," Breda quotes with his fingers.

"Yeah, I bet he has at least five women a week," Fury added. They stare at him and grin.

"Fury, I never figured you to come to the dark side." Havoc commented scratching his chin.

"I had to say something."

"Anyway, I was thinking one of those Squishy pillows."

"Squishy pillows sir?"

"Yeah, you know, they're all soft and squeezable."

"I know what you're talking about!" Breda adds excitedly. "I love those things! We should pad the desks with those!"

"We are not padding the desks with squishy pillows." Farman groans.

_**Three hours later…**_

"I can't believe we're padding the desks with squishy pillows." Farman groans.

"Oh lighten up!" Havoc cheerfully says. "This will be great!" Hawkeye enters the room.

"What are you fools doing now?" she groans.

"Padding the desk with squishy pillows!" Breda says excitedly.

"No they're mine, MINE!" Fury yells from atop his mound of squishy pillows, he is coddling one as we speak.

"Give them back Cain." Farman groans as he notices the look of war in the others, excluding Hawkeye's, eyes.

"NEVER! My precious' my precious'!"

"He's lost it."

"He never had it." Breda growls. They inch toward the mound of pillows only to be stopped by a gunshot. They look up disbelievingly at the gun-wielding Fury.

"No! You won't steal my precious'!" he cries stroking the pillows.

"What now?" Breda asks.

"We fight to liberate our squishy companions!" Havoc cries dawning war-paint without a shirt. "Hawkeye are you with us?!"

"No."

"Ok, Breda, Farman Lets fight!"

"Don't I get a say in this?" Farman asks.

"No."

"Ok, let's get this over with." They're hiding behind the cabinets.

"What now?"

"We shoot him out of the sky." Breda grins.

"Works for me." Havoc says. The fight rages on for three weeks, no not really, but it seems like it to them because of their attention span. Nobody notices the cigarette butt falling onto the pile of squishy pillows. BOOOOMMMM!!!!! They all try to get up out of the pile of ashes and notice a tag falling from the sky. Farman picks it up.

"Do not expose products to flame, cigarettes, or excessive heat." He groans. "Why didn't we read this before?" They all look to the door as it falls off revealing Hawkeye and Mustang making out. They look over.

"Next time, pad the desks with regular padding." Mustang says as he pulls a curtain shut.


	3. So that's where Al was

It was nearing Christmas and the base was abuzz with joy. "Curse you stringy fiend!" Havoc yelled as he tried to untangle the Christmas lights. Yes, Havoc got stuck with this tedious task. Everyone else got to hang stuff up, but no! He got stuck with the light untangling.

"Something wrong?" Farman asked.

"Yeah, I can't get these 'insert cuss word here' lights untangled."

"Quit your whining you big baby I'll help." Breda scoffed.

_**A few seconds later…**_

"Help!" Breda yelled. They were both tangled up in the cornucopia of glowing evilness.

"Come on Fury lets help them." Farman sighed. "Fury?" An evil cackling rose through the rafters. A sadistically happy Fury walked into the room wearing hats and shoes and others clothes that had bells on them. "WTF?"

"I made clothes for everyone." He said smiling as he gave them clothes with bells on them.

"Ok, a little help here?" Havoc asked sheepishly.

"I'm off to make cookies." Fury says walking off.

"I'll get the scissors." Farman sighed.

_**A few minutes and shock treatments later…**_

"You should have unplugged the lights first." A slightly charred Havoc said.

"No, I like to feel the charring of my skin." Farman said sarcastically.

"Breda? You ok?" Havoc says poking him with a large candy cane that Fury had made in a Christmas sugar high. Breda was out cold. "Oh well." Havoc sighs pushing him out of the window."

"What was that for?" Farman sighs. Havoc shrugs.

"I dunno."

"You're going to have to get him you know."

"Make me."

"Cookies are ready!" Fury giggles.

"I'm going."

"Me too." Farman gulps staring warily at the psychotic Fury.

_**In the snow…**_

"Isn't this where he was dropped?" Farman asked. Havoc shrugs.

"Oh, well." He looks at a wide trail. "Maybe he went that way." Havoc points. "Looks like something dragged him off."

"Wonderful." Farman groans. They trudge through the snow for a long time until. "I don't believe it." In front of them was the lair of pointless evil. Millions of butterflies were circling it. With the help of the military mascot, Mr. Bubble, they were easily defeated. They walk into the lair.

"Wow, this is pointless."

"Don't doubt the pointlessness!" Havoc snapped whacking Farman upside the head. They turn to see Al and Breda tied up in a cocoon.

"I knew you wouldn't forget me!" Al said crying.

"You were here?" Havoc asked astounded.

"Yes! Didn't you read the first chapter?"

"Yeah but, we just assumed Ed saved you."

"Well he didn't" Al yelled. "He was scheduled for a yaoi fic in the angst section." He explained.

"Oh," Farman said. "So how are they getting along?"

"Roy and Ed? Fine"

"To the 'Whack Mobile' Havoc shouted.

"We walked here you moron."

"Oh, ok then." And they walked back to the base, but not without an explosion or two.


	4. Carol

It was still Christmas time, "Still! We just spent one chapter in Christmas time! I'm not going back to the lights!" Havoc shouted.

"**Yes, still Christmas time. Be a good little minion or I 'll sic Mr. Bubble on you!" Havoc gulps. **

"Ok, I'll be good."

"**Good boy." Throws him a cookie. Anyway the Military minions…**

"Not a minion!"

"**Yes you are!" throws wrench. Anyway, the Military minions, and the other people you see in the show were celebrating Christmas in the traditional way… **

**Mustang: **Cheeseburger in Paradise!

**Fury, Breda, and Farman: **Paradise!

**Mustang:** Medium rare with mustard be nice!

**Havoc: **Heaven on earth with an onion slice I'm just a…

"**Hold on!"** they look up. **"I thought we discussed this earlier! You are supposed to be singing a Christmas Carol!"**

"I'm sorry, but there's no way we're singing Frosty the Snowman on public internet." Mustang said ticked off.

"Besides, Cheeseburger in Paradise is a better song." Breda scoffed.

"Yeah, I mean, there's no good Christmas Carol." Havoc sighed.

"**What are you talking about? What about Jingle bell Rock?" pauses and thinks. "No, you're right, Christmas songs suck!" **

"All Holiday songs suck." Farman sympathized.

"Sadly none are worthwhile." Fury sighed.

"Why not make one!" Al gushed. They stare at him and then turn back to the screen.

"**No wait! For once Al's idea isn't stupid or juvenile!" **

"Instead of actually going through the work of making a new song, why not just make a real song a Christmas song?" Mustang suggests. They all shrug.

"**Works for me."**

_**Hours later…**_

"How about Bloody Valentine?" Ed suggests tiredly. They all stare at him and consider this.

"Oh, I'm sure the old ladies that we'll go caroling to will just love that." Havoc mutters sarcastically.

"How about something that won't get us sued?" Farman suggests. Breda looks excited.

"How about dead puppies?" he grins maniacally.

"No!" Fury covers Black's ears.

"Well if Bloody Valentine doesn't get us sued that will." Ed says calmly grinning.

"How about something that won't get us sued?" Mustang suggests.

"We're thinking." Ed groaned.

"No, the song."

"There's a song?"

"There is now."

_**After caroling…**_

"That was just great." Havoc muttered as walked back in to the office covered in trash. The others groaned in agreement. A knocking was sounded on the door. "What now!"

"Um sir, the other carolers are angry." Fury pointed out.

"Let us in defilers of carols!" the door was on the verge of breaking down. Fury and Farman were trying to keep it in place.

"Great we're going to get mauled by carolers." Ed sarcastically said to no one.

"Look on the bright side Niisan!" the lights flicker out.

"We're Doomed!" Breda cried.

"We could Jerry-rig a toaster!" Havoc happily replied.

"We don't have another toaster, just a crisper." Farman shrugged. Havoc looked appalled.

"No! only the toaster works!"

"Is gum flammable?" Sam the crazy random person asked.

"No."

"It is now!" he threw it out of the window. As it exploded, Sam the crazy random person exploded also. They looked up.

"What was the point of Sam?" Fury asked.

"**No clue, but be warned more random people are going to come."**

"Ok then, can this be over now?"

**Hmmm, whatever."**


	5. Fanfiction Madness

It was another day in the base. As usual everyone was trying to avoid working. In the corner Roy, Breda, and Havoc were getting drunk.

"Ah man this is soooooo goooooood." Roy slurred. Breda passed out.

"Yeah I know." Havoc drunkenly said.

"What's going on in here?!" Hawkeye demanded.

"Oops, we're caught." Roy passed out.

"Getting drunk? Of all the irresponsible…" she sniffs the bottle. "This is water."

"That's what you think lady." Havoc passes out too.

"They were getting drunk, on water." She looks at Farman. He shrugs.

"They cut the budget so we couldn't afford real beer." He takes a sip of coffee. "So, I put some water in a beer bottle and told them it was beer."

"It's a clear bottle, they should have noticed." He shrugs.

"They aren't really observant." Ed runs into the room, grabs Roy and runs out. He pokes his head into the room.

"We were scheduled for a story in the humor/angst section."

"That isn't possible."

"Due the growing amount of Fangirls, it is." Fury runs in and grabs Havoc.

"We were scheduled for a drabble fic." He runs out. Hawkeye and Farman look at Breda.

"Ever notice how Breda never gets paired up with anyone?" Farman said.

"It's understandable, but he must get lonely." Hawkeye sighs.

"How about a Hawkeye/Breda fic?" she cringes.

"No way." She grins. "How about a Farman/Breda?"

"No." a giant hand comes out of nowhere and grabs Breda and goes for Farman. "No! I won't succumb to your sick fangirl wishes!" he gets dragged off.

"I lose more employees that way." She sighs. A random girl runs in. "Who are you?"

"Call me," shifty eyes. "J-girl." She turns around. "Where's Roy?"

"Ed dragged his drunken self off to the humor/angst section." She snaps her fingers and scoffs.

"Darn missed him."

"Why do you want to know?"

"We were destined to be!"

"Are you a Mary-Sue?"

"What?! No!" she screamed.

"A fangirl?"

"Nope, random torturer."

"Oh, you are a Fangirl." Al bursts in the room.

"There you are!" he grabs her arm.

"You have to go back to the random person's port."

"Random person's port?"

"You know, where random people for all fanfics come from?"

"Hey I'm not just random!" she scoffs "I'm crazy." Chucks burrito at Al and runs.

"Not again," Al sighs. "Oh crud, she's heading for the drama section!" runs after her.

"Never a dull day," Hawkeye sighs. Shifty eyes. "Why not? I know how to turn this frown upside-down." She grins, reaches under the couch to get, tequila!


	6. Hawkeye saves the day!

Everybody was minding their own business' when Envy burst through the door with a mind-boggling question. "I can't tell what gender I am!"

"_That was a statement." Ed huffed._

"_Oh, fine, a mind-boggling statement, sheesh!"_

"Is that all, you're a, umm, you're…" Farman trailed off. "Barry!" Barry the Chopper ran into the room with a meat cleaver, no, wait, he ran into the room wearing a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist's coat.

"Why him?!" Ed yelled.

"Because he's a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist." Farman sighed.

"But wasn't he,"

"No spoilers!" Farman groaned staring around.

"Fine, I guess they'll just have to wait till the twenty something episode." Ed huffed. He was immediately shushed.

"Ok, let's find this out quickly, I need my coffee!" Mustang yelled.

"Ok, we'll just have to go through the questionnaire." Barry said grinning evilly as the meat cleaver shone in his pocket. They eyed him funnily.

"Ok then."

"Number one, what do you think of this picture?" Hues gushes shoving a picture of his daughter in Envy's face. Envy takes out a lighter and puts it under the photo. "No!" he cries running around like a maniac.

"Well, I think he's a woman," Havoc explains, "She's wearing a skirt."

"It's a skort!" he/she huffs.

"Exactly."

"He could be a cross dresser." Breda points out.

"True, and he's flat chested." Fury adds.

"She could just be undeveloped." Havoc scoffs.

"Ok, next question," Barry added "What do you think of the color pink?"

"It matches my eyes." He/she gets looks "What?!"

"He's a she." Al sighs. Hues recovers from the burning picture fiasco and walks in wearing a pink shirt.

"What?!" he exclaims. "It was a present from Mustang!"

"Moving on!" Al hastily suggested.

"What do you think of this!?" Armstrong rips his shirt off.

"Scary!" Envy flinches.

"No one can resist my charms!" Armstrong flexed.

"Ok, here you go." Ed says giving Envy two magazines. Envy stares at both of them for a few minutes.

"I can't decide!" Envy cries as he faints.

"What did you give him?" Roy asks.

"Porn," Ed shrugs. Winry runs in.

"There's my porn!" she storms off with her magazine and shoves the other into Ed's face. Hawkeye storms in.

"What are you idiots doing?"

"Trying to find out Envy's gender." Fury gulps.

"She walks over to Envy and gives he/she a swift kick to the groin." He/she shriek/whimper/cries.

"He's a guy." She walks off.

"Why didn't we think of that?" Havoc asks.


	7. Cheese and whack a mole and plastic ball...

It was an eerily silent day at Chuck E Cheese, wait, what? What's going on here? "We're on vacation you loony." Roy said lying in a pool of balls Breda is diving in, in the background and hitting his head on the rail.

"_Since when are you on vacation?"_

"_Since now."_

"_Fine."_

"Why here?" Ed asked ticked off.

"But Niisan, it'll be fun!" Al exclaimed.

"We could be vacationing on a beach or on the slopes, or…" he was cut out by a mallet colliding with his skull.

"Sorry!" Havoc shouted running over. "Darn whack-a-mole game." He takes the mallet and runs off.

"Come on Niisan!" Al exclaimed going in the direction of the kiddy playground. "Niisan?" Ed was stomping off angrily in the direction of the restrooms. "Ok you do that." Al happily skips on toward the playground.

**In another area…**

"Curse you rodents!" Havoc yelled trying frantically to whack the moles, which is the point.

"Maybe you should just leave the moles be sir, you're scaring the children." Fury suggested inching away from the crying kids.

"Never!" he screamed eyes ablaze and veins bursting.

"Ok," he shrugged backing away from the lunatic.

**In another area…**

"This is the life," Mustang sighed basking in a pool of his awesomeness, which also contained a million plastic balls.

"Hey mister, you're taking up most of the room in the pool, give us a chance." A random kid said all whiney like.

"Sorry kid, this is my pool of plastic playthings, go away."

"It's our turn!"

"Go away!"

"You're too old for this anyway."

"What was that?" Mustang's hand went into his pocket for his gloves, eyes blazing in the scorn of a person that has had a midlife crisis …

**In another area…**

"Weee!" Al yelled as he slid down the slide taking out five kids. "Sorry!" he climbed up the already broken plastic play place breaking it even more.

**In another area…**

"Stupid kid place." Ed muttered in the bathroom. "Don't know why I'm here."

"Me either." Envy muttered.

"Why are you here?" Ed asked.

"I have no idea." He groaned. "Wanna get some pizza?"

"Sure, why not."

**In another area…**

"Sir, you're terrifying the poor children." Fury pleaded.

"Must kill mole!" Havoc yelled.

"Don't kill the mole mister!" a girl cried. She grabbed a sign. "Go down animal abuser!" she shouted. "Down with that guy!" pretty soon she had a riot of kids on her side.

"Mommy," Fury whimpered. Havoc continued his mission.

**In another area…**

"No!" Roy shouted as the kids turned the pool of balls over with him in it. He had already burned off a few tables and taken out a waitress or whatever they have there. He was trapped, unless…

**In another area…**

"My pizza!" Ed and Envy shouted as they got high on pizza. They nabbed all of the pizza and were holding it hostage.

"Niisan, be reasonable." Al pleaded leaving the play area. He was trying to stop them before the Chuck E Cheese cops came, and you don't want that to happen.

"Never!" BOOM! An explosion was heard.

"You'll never take me alive!" Mustang yelled at the top of his lungs. He had sparked the balls and they had blown up.

"Sir get away from there," Fury suggested, but Havoc was already picking the contraption up and hurling it at the kids.

"Evil!" he shouted.

"Weee!" Hues yelled playing a game of skeeball, one hit Breda in the head and he had thus been knocked out again. Farman was in the corner playing one of those wavebike-thing games.

"Whoo-hoo!" He whooped.

"We're going to get sued aren't we?" Breda asked coming back to consciousness.

"Yup." Fury answered.

At the end of the day the total number of people each managed to take out was,

**Al- 13 kids, 1 adult, Weird bird costume lady, play-place**

**Havoc- 5 kids and one coin dealer**

**Mustang- one waitress, 2 kids, weird purple costume thing, 6 tables**

**Fury- 0**

**Breda- Himself**

**Hues- Breda, Dog costume thing**

**Farman- just freaked a few people out and gave the Italian costume guy a stroke**

**Ed and Envy- Ripped of Chuck E Cheese's hand to get some pizza and 9 unnamed **

**People.**

**Hawkeye- The whole FMA crew when she saw the amount they were getting sued for and all of the paperwork. **


	8. Rants on pants

It was another seemingly boring day at the office, until. "Hey guys!" Havoc yelled running into the office. "I've been pondering."

"Good for you." Breda mutters.

"Yes well done, you've started thinking." Farman smiles.

"I'm not finished." Havoc muttered.

"Ok, continue." Fury encouraged.

"Ok, I've been wondering," he started. "Why are Ed's pants shiny?"

"Excuse me?" Mustang gaped.

"They look like jeans or something, but they're shiny, what's up with that? I'm pretty sure jeans don't shine."

"Well, for one thing, they aren't jeans, they're rubber." Breda started.

"Rubber pants?" Farman asked.

"There's no other explanation."

"Rubber? I always thought they were made out of satin." Fury mused.

"Satin?! No way! Satin rips too easily, Ed's pants almost never rip." Havoc exclaims. They stare at him.

"He may be crazy, but he's right, it couldn't be satin." Breda agrees.

"Well, maybe The Gap came up with a pair shiny jeans." Havoc commented. They stare.

"Anyway, I think its leather." Farman suggested.

"Possible, but it has more of a rubber look to it."

"For the last time Breda they aren't rubber!" Roy shouts.

"Skintight?" They all turn around and look at Winry.

"What?" Havoc asks.

"Skintight pants."

"The pants aren't even close to skintight." Fury says.

"A girl can dream can't she," she muttered.

"What are you talking about?" Al asks walking in.

"Al, just the person we wanted to see!" Havoc grins. "Tell us, what type of pants does your brother wear?"

"Seriously? I thought you'd know by now."

"Continue," Mustang urges.

"They are…"

"Al!" Ed yells storming in. "What are you doing?!"

"Informing them on what kind of pants you wear Niisan."

"They don't have to know!"

"Plastic." Fury suggests.

"What?"

"Plastic pants,"

"Oh, for bed trouble." Mustang winks.

"Ewww, no!" he gags. "Look if you have to know they're made of pudding skin."

"Pudding skin?" they ask.

"You know, the skin that grows over pudding when you leave it out for a long time."

"Ewww, they make those?" Farman grimaces.

"Yeah, it's a new brand of Gap jeans."

"Mmm, tasty," Winry has a predatory look in her eyes. They step away from her.

"I'm here!" Envy yells running in.

"You're late." Mustang says.

"Sorry, but I was stuck in a drama fic." He glances around. "What did I miss?"

"Everything." Farman says.

"Oh well," he groans. He grins, "See ya later!" he jumps through the window.

"Well, bring in the stunt double while we resurrect Envy." Hawkeye sighs coming into the room. A blonde person with a strapless dress walks in.

"Who are you?" Al asks.

"Lust and Ed's kid." She explains.

"You're in the wrong fic." Fury points out.

"Oh, sorry." She leaves.

"Darn you Fangirls!" Ed yells.

"Where's Envy's stand-in?"

"I don't care; I'm getting a latte, anyone coming?" Havoc rants. They all shrug and follow him out the door.


	9. Chibi's Clues

"Where are we?" Havoc asked.

"I don't know." Fury replied.

"It's so," Havoc looks around. "Fantasy like."

"This sucks." Roy growled.

"You too?" Fury asked.

"What do you think the psycho wants us to do?" Roy asks. He glances up only to hear silence, until…

"No! I'm not doing it!" they hear Ed yell.

"**_Yes you will!"_** they hear a whistling sound and a smack as Ed hits the screen wearing a blue cat suit.

"Ed?" Roy chuckles.

"Shut up, I'm not doing this by choice."

"**_Quiet you!"_**

"Oh, right," he smacks the screen, nothing happens he tries again, nothing, he keeps banging on the screen until a blue paw-print shows up. "Finally," he runs off.

"You've got to be kidding me." Havoc moans.

"Is this Blue's Clue's?" Fury asks.

"Nope, it's Chibi's clues!" Roy grins.

"Not a Chibi!"

"**_Quiet you!" thud._**

"So we look for clues? How about in Greenland?" Fury suggests.

"No! You can't light cigarettes in Greenland, it's too cold!" Havoc whacks Fury upside the head.

"How about England?" Mustang suggests.

"Sure." They agree.

"How do we get there?" Fury asks. A metal bird that was transmuted from Al dives down and picks them up.

"Hello friends!" he drops them back down in England.

"Hey look kids! It's our friend Farman the hobo!" Havoc exclaims.

"I'm not getting paid enough for this." He grumbles.

"What are we going to do today?!" Mustang exclaims.

"Lets go rob a bank." He shrugs.

"Oh boy!" they run off. After hijacking an armed car instead of robbing the bank they get dropped off.

"Thanks guys!" Farman cackles as he drives off, a tennis ball falls off of the truck, and it has a paw-print on it.

"**_A clue! A clue!"_**

"You see my shoe? So can I!" Havoc exclaims.

"No you dingbat, a clue." Mustang sighs.

"**_Hey, that's our line!"_**

"Tough luck!" he goes over and grabs the ball. "I can only pray this isn't going in the direction I think it is." He shuttered.

"To Alaska!" Fury exclaims.

"No you fool!" Havoc shouts.

"Fine Germany!" he gasps through being strangled.

"Ok!" Al swoops down and takes them there.

Before they can walk toward wherever, they are impaled by a mailbox and thrown to the ground.

"Ow, what the…" Mustang starts. Winry is tied to the side of the mailbox.

"Our budget doesn't cover speakers." She explains.

"Do we have to sing?" Fury cringes as the music starts.

"Yes."

"Oh fine." He looks puzzled. "How does it start?"

"Oh!" Havoc and Mustang start. "It's the Great big book of everything, with every…"

"Wrong song!" she shouts!

"Um, ok" they whimper.

"Mail time, something, Mail time," they started. "It's the mail it chucks some pails, it makes me want to really wail Mail!"

"Close enough, here you go." She gives them the mail and goes back to the corner.

"What is this?" Havoc asks.

"It looks like a goat." Mustang comments.

"No, a swan." Fury suggests.

"Who cares," he snaps his fingers and burns the mail. "We're to busy for mail." They walk off.

"It's our friend Breda the doorstop!" Fury grins.

"Shut up." He groans.

"So, how's life as a doorstop?" Fury asks. Havoc and Mustang are laughing their heads off.

"Why you…" the door opening knocks him out. Ed, in the blue cat suit, runs up to the desk and smacks the scissors, does the Hamster dance, and then he jumps into the picture.

"**_A…"_**

"Yes, we see the clue! Shut up!" Fury yells. They back away silently and grab the scissors.

"I don't like the looks of this." Havoc gulps.

"So, do we have to skidoo?" Mustang asks.

"I guess so." They jump at the picture but end up smacking into it. "I think we have to do the mantra." Havoc suggests.

"So it's Hamster dance, then chant?" Fury asks.

"Yup." They all do the hamster dance while chanting "Chibi skidooed we should be able to too."

"Not a Chibi!" they jump into the picture. They looked around and cringed, it was like a coloring book. Some weird crayon people show up.

"We're the, Ahhh!" a bullet shoots them all down.

"Thanks Hawkeye!" they shout.

"No problem." She runs off.

"Hey guys!" Hues shouts running up to them. "Have you seen my picture of Elysia?" They were in a pickle, get the picture back and be tortured or feel the guilt of letting a friend down.

"We'll help." They sighed. They walked along the street when Fury tripped over a picture frame.

"Yeah!" Hues shouts as he grabs it up and runs off.

"That was pointless." Havoc comments.

"And the rest of this story isn't?" Mustang grumbles. He trips over a form with a paw-print on it.

"Yes we know, a clue! A clue!" Havoc mimics. He grabs it up and turns pale white. "It's a vasectomy form." He gasps. Before the others can react a chair bowls them over.

"Thinking chair." Mustang groans.

"Let's just say that the scissors are to cut the form up with and we have to play tennis." Fury suggests.

"Ok," they quickly agree.

"**_Yes! Tennis! On the moon!"_**

"Huh?" they ask. But it was too late; they were on the moon, with Armstrong. "Noooo!"


	10. Skippy's List

"It's time," Fury muttered as he started drilling into a pair of fuzzy dice.

"What is he doing?" Ed asked cautiously.

"He's genetically engineering fuzzy dice to take over the world." Havoc takes a moment to think. "It was my plan but, he stole it."

"That's nice." Farman muttered reading a book titled **"The Chronicles of Skippy". **

"What is that?" Breda asked.

"Ha, ha, Napalm sticks to children." He laughed not listening.

"Ok then," Roy backed off.

"I think he just printed a list off of the internet and stuck it in a book." Havoc mused. "Skippy's list wasn't it?"

"Oh, well." Breda sighed. Black Hayeate turned the corner. "Ahhh!"

"He, he," Fury laughed as he looked up from the dice. "Good going."

"Well the list says not to." Farman pointed. "Lets do as many of these things as we can." He paused. "We've done Rule 15 **_Not allowed to train adopted dogs to "Sic Breda" _**and Rule 54 **_Napalm sticks to kids" is not a motivational phrase._**

"Sure why not," Havoc sighed.

"Not much else to do." Ed groaned.

**_Rule 8 not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like on War criminal posters…_**

"Finally," Ed sighs as he puts Mustang's picture on a wanted poster. He walks off feeling happier. Later that day…

"Great, more paperwork." Mustang mutters at his desk. The door breaks open.

"Mustang you're under arrest!"

"Eep!" he jumps out of the window. "You'll never take me alive coppers!"

_**Rule 51 not allowed to quote Dr. Seuss on military operations… **_

A murderer is running into an alleyway and hits a dead end; he turns around to see Farman. He pulls out a book; "Would you eat it on a boat or in a float?" the book is titled Green Eggs and Ham.

_**Rule 105 I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under 12**_

It is a happy setting in the park, the kids are playing, all is peaceful until a figure walks onto the scene.

"Hey kid?" Havoc asks "Can I have a cig?"

"What?"

"Can I have a cigarette?" he pleads. "I need a smoke."

"Mister, I'm underage."

"No one's watching, please."

"I've got to be going." He makes a run for it. He feels a tug at his leg.

"You're not getting away that quickly."

"Mommy!"

**_Rule 52 Not allowed to yell "Take that Cobra" at the rifle range._**

At the firing range all of the military are staring in disbelief at Fury "Take that Cobra!" he shouted as he fired wildly into the range.

"That was fun." Ed muttered as he sat in jail with several scorch marks. All of the other officers were with him. Apparently Mustang was still in the room when they were plotting, but they had forgotten, so, they were put in the dungeon. "Now what?"

"Yeah," Havoc growled. "Not only are we in a dungeon, but the dice are attacking my heels."

"Fuzzy dice." Farman corrected.

"Whatever, OW!" the dice nipped at his heels. "Fury!"

**Skippy's list is real…**


	11. Camping is 'not' fun emphasis on not

"Why are we here?!" complained an annoyed Edward Elric.

"Because the author thought we needed more parenting and socializing skills apparently." Mustang muttered.

"Why Pinehill Day Camp?"

"I don't know."

"So what are we doing?" asked Fury.

"We're going to be counselors and Ed and Al are campers." Farman explained. They all sighed.

"We have to be with kids?" Havoc groaned

"Don't remind me." Breda sighed.

"Oh, shut up!" Hawkeye snapped.

"This bus is creepy." Al shivered. "The kids are scaring me."

"Don't panic," Havoc reassures.

"Ok, time for a camp song!" a counselor cheerfully says.

"Ok, panic." He screams. "Ahhh!"

"_Stay on the sunny side…"_

"They have been through six verses and they won't stop." Ed shuttered.

"Don't worry, we'll be there soon." Mustang whispered.

"Ok campers, we're here!" the counselor happily said.

"No! The colors!" Farman screamed.

"Dogs…" Breda cowered.

**Introductions…**

"Ok campers, we have some new counselors at camp today."

"Yeah!" the kids shouted.

"I am Roy Mustang, I like mini skirts."

"00" they stared. "Ok, then."

"Dogs…" Breda cowered. "Don't like them."

"Furry dice shall rule all!" Fury yelled.

"If my eyes are always closed how can I see?" Farman asked.

"Whatever." Hawkeye said polishing her gun.

"Darn lighter." Havoc muttered trying to light a cigarette.

"Ok then," the counselors flinched. "We'll split you up into groups now." They each got seven kids.

**At the Craft Hut…**

"Ok, then," Mustang started staring at his kids; their first stop was the craft hut. He got all boys by some coincidence. "Today we'll make mini skirts."

"Um, sir, I'm the craft counselor."

"Yeah whatever." He looked around. "I guess we'll make them out of gimp." He shrugged. "After this we have to force the skirts on girls."

**Canoeing at the lake…**

"Um, oops." Havoc grimaced as he put out the fire he accidentally started. "That's how you stop a fire."

"Let's canoe!" a boy complained. He had gotten three boys and four girls. He stared.

"Um, ok." A few minutes later.

"Help!" a kid yelled as their canoe tipped over.

"You're doing fine!" Havoc called back.

**The ropes course…**

"Ok, this course is based on trust." Farman shrugged. "Ok, all you have to do is…"

"Help!" the kids yelled tangled up in a rope spider web thing. He had gotten three girls and four boys.

"Woops," Farman grimaces. "Lets try…"

"Ow!" a boy yelled as he hit the ground.

"Oh, I was supposed to catch you wasn't I?"

"It is called the trust fall!" he passes out.

"Medic!

**Ultimate Frisbee… **

"Ack!" Breda yelled as the Frisbee hit his head. He had gotten five boys and two girls.

"Watch out!" a girl yelled. 'Bonk'. Breda wakes up to come face to face with a dog.

"Ahhh!"

"It's just Snickers." They said confusedly.

"Dog!" he runs off.

**Archery…**

"Oh, I missed." A girl sighed. Hawkeye had gotten seven girls.

"Screw the bow and arrows, here." She handed them guns.

"Neat!"

**Horseback riding…**

"I don't know how to ride a horse." A boy sniffed. Fury had gotten six boys and one girl.

"Don't worry, it's simple, just get on the horse, and squeeze your feet into the stomach, Ahhh!" the horse took off.

**Get to know each other…**

"Ok, kids, lets get to know each other." The counselor said in a creepy psychedelic voice. "Johnny, you first."

"I'm a fish lover!" he yelled.

"Very good, Susie?"

"I'm a dancer."

"Ed?"

"Well, nothing interesting, except I GOT THIS FAKE ARM AND LEG!" he revealed them.

"Ahhh!"

"Niisan, that's not nice."

"Um, Al how about you?" the counselor flinched.

"Well," Ed pushed his head off.

"Ahhh!"

Niisan!" Al chased him around.

Needless to say they were kicked out before the first activities ended due to harassment of all types, irresponsibility, and a lot of injuries.


	12. Divine Design Death

"I hate work," Farman mumbled as he opened the door to the office only to be pulled in quickly. "What are you doing?!" he yelled with a gun to his head.

"Sorry, thought you were the Divine Design team." Roy twitched.

"Excuse me?!"

"They'll be here any day, filthy dogs." Breda growled.

"Our office doesn't need a makeover!" Hughes yelled.

"Ok then," Farman inched away.

"I'll burn them." Roy muttered Breda and Hughes agreeing.

"Ok, who let them watch the Home and Gardening Network?" Farman questioned. He looked around.

"Not me," Fury muttered. "I know how they get."

"Darn paranoia." Hawkeye scoffed. "It's almost funny."

"Well, to be fair people have been mugged by the Divine Design team." Al said. "Poor souls, their houses never stood a chance."

"As long as Armstrong doesn't watch it I'm fine." Ed replied. "Where is Armstrong?" they flinched. There is a knocking at the door.

"I'll get it!" Al rushes to the door.

"Noooo!" a cascade of pink sparkles cascades through the doors.

"We're going to drown!" Fury wailed.

"How could you let him watch that?!" Farman yelled.

"It seemed so innocent." Al replied.

"Death by sparkles!" Hughes sighs. "How dramatic."

"Wait!" Havoc yells. "There's hope!" he swims to the other room.

"Noooo!" they hear Armstrong yell. "The sparkles begin to dissipate.

"What did you do?" Mustang asks.

"I changed the channel to Martha Stewart," he looks toward the camera. "It's a good thing."

"Havoc you moron, don't you realize…" Hawkeye was cut off by a surge of photos of Elysia. "Hues is obsessed with her." Hawkeye passes out.

"I know what to do!" Roy snaps his fingers and the building burns up in a Boom. "Oops." They glare at him.


	13. RFC?

It was another day, Monday to be precise and the crew was hungry so, they drove around in a jeep that was conveniently large enough to fit them all in, and looked for a good place to stop.

"Taco Bell!" Al shrieked giddily.

"You can't eat, your vote doesn't count." Farman groaned.

"But the prize machines are fun; I won a balloon on this one…"

"Um, Al," Fury started.

"No Fury let him be," Mustang stopped him.

"What?" Al asked.

"Nothing!" Ed growled.

"But,"

"It's nothing!" Winry shouted.

"Long John Silver's" Hawkeye suggested.

"No way." They all agreed. She pouted and reached for the gun.

"That stalker guy from Inuyasha is in there!" Havoc thought fast.

"Fine." She mumbled as she put her gun away.

"Wait," Roy's eyes got wide. "There," they looked over at the KFC sign. "Who's on that sign?" he asked.

"The colonel." Breda answered.

"But I'm the colonel."

"Well he's more important, he has kentuckyfied chicken." Havoc answered. They stared.

"Don't you mean Kentucky fried?" Fury asked.

"No, Kentuckyfied."

"There's only room for one colonel." Roy growled.

"Lord save us now." Ed whimpered.

**At the drive in…**

"Yes" the drive in guy (DIG) asked boredly.

"I have come to take over this establishment!" Roy roared.

"5.98" the DIG said.

"Fine!" he growled. "This means war!"

"We're going to die aren't we?" Al asked.

"Yes Al, we are." Farman sighed.

"Fire the grenades!"

"Yes sir!" Havoc happily replied, being a blowup happy guy. In a fiery explosion the sign was burnt down and the people ran off screaming.

"Time for change!" Roy triumphantly yelled, hoisting up a big picture of himself in place of the sign.

"I want a happy meal!" Hughes yelled.

"You're thinking Mac Donald's." Al corrected.

"No Happy meal?" he whimpered.

"No but you can have some Roy fried chicken!" Roy smirked.

"What?" Ed asked.

"This establishment is now named Roy fried chicken."

"That sounds like something a fangirl would come up with." Fury cringed.

"I'm leaving, this is too nasty." Breda gagged.

"Look Niisan! I won some chap stick in the restroom!"

"Al, drop that now." Ed grimaced as he looked at that small Chap Stick like container.


	14. Powers that be!

It was a sunny day at the marketplace in Central, that is, until the storm clouds rolled in. "Havoc!"

"Yes?" he innocently shrugged.

"Stop with all of this necromancer BS!" Mustang roared.

"If it's such BS, then why are there storm clouds?" he asked. "Besides, it's fun."

"Oh, you mean like magic tricks?" Fury asks.

"Here we go…" Farman mumbled.

"Yes, but if you're looking for mere parlor tricks you will be disappointed!" Havoc ranted. "For when I reach behind your ear, it will not be a coin I pull out, BUT YOUR VERY SOUL!" he shouted in a creepy stalker way.

"Thank you and goodnight." Farman groaned.

"No more Dr. Venture for you." Hughes scolded.

"I'm off!" Havoc twirled his cape and ran off."

"I'll go after him." Fury and Ed sighed.

_**In an alleyway…**_

"He finally stopped," Ed panted.

"Great," Fury sighed in relief, he pauses. "What have you got there Havoc?"

"A wallet!" he squealed.

"We should return it." Fury reasoned.

"How much money is in it?" Ed asks.

"Seven-hundred bucks!" Havoc laughs in joy.

"We're rich!" Ed skips around.

"Do we return it; should I look for an I.D.?" Havoc asks himself.

"I see a Kmart gift card, should I look?" Ed glances over.

"It belongs to some old lady." Havoc grimaces.

"Well, if we don't return it she'll get a heart attack and die." Fury thinks aloud. "But if she really is that old, she'll die soon anyway, we should keep it!" Fury decides.

"I thought you wanted to return it." Ed suspiciously glares.

"Now I don't." Fury laughed, popping a purple pill in his mouth.

"Ok then," they scooted away.

"Let's ask the powers that be!" Havoc exclaimed.

"You should stay off the internet." Ed grumbles.

"Powers that be fine, shall we keep yonder wallet!" Havoc shouts.

"It's not over yonder, its right here." Fury scoffs.

"Shut up." Ed whispers. Thunder flies from the air and strikes down Al's 'chap stick'.

"You'd better be right powers that be." Havoc muttered.

_**At the lady's house…**_

"Hello!" Havoc perkily yells at the door. The door slowly opens to reveal… Michael Jackson!


	15. Mary Sues Just like roaches

"They're everywhere!" Ed shouted running in and transmuting the doors shut.

"What?" Fury asked looking around nervously.

"Mary Sues!"

"Gasp!" everyone dives under their desk.

"I should have known this would happen." Mustang groaned. "More and more have been appearing ever since this show has hit America."

"Hey, at least we aren't the Inuyasha crew." Farman reasoned. "If any anime has an overflow of Mary Sues, it would be one of the worst."

"Doubt it," Breda grumbled.

"It's horrible!" Al wailed. "Millions of blonde and brown haired bimbos with peach colored skin, short miniskirts that let you see up their underwear, long legs, an annoying naïve attitude, and those stupid pink shirts that have the word angel on it, or some crud."

"And black and brown haired schizos with a bad-ass attitude that magically become close to you when you say some dollar store love line." Havoc moaned running in through the wall.

"We have to get away." Envy whimpered.

"We can't, we're surrounded!" Barry moaned.

"Why are you here?" Ed asked.

"Hey, I have fan girls out there too." He whimpered.

"Wolfenzippo!" Roy shouted. "Help us!"

"_Even I can't kill Mary Sues!" I shout._

"We're on our own." Al cringed at the mass of bimbos and psychopaths.

"They're kind of cute." Breda reasoned.

"You're only saying that because you can't get a girl." Ed scoffed.

"Creepy." Fury whimpered from under the desk.

"Greetings." Two Mary Sues popped out from behind the closet. One was a bimbo the other was a silent 'punk'.

"I'm Mary." The blonde said.

"….." Sue said along with her.

"Die!" Roy snapped his fingers at them and they charred.

"Yeah!" they all cheered.

"Um, guys." Envy pointed out of the window, Mary Sues were multiplying by the truckload.

"They're like roaches." Barry gaped.

"I can't download kazaa." Farman muttered.

"We have no time for this!" Hughes shouted at him.

"I'll see if they can help." Farman went over to the door.

"No!" Farman pointed the monitor at them and they all froze.

"What did you do?" Havoc asks.

"I don't know." Farman said as if this were the most puzzling thing he had ever thought of. "But now who will help me download kazaa?"

"I always knew Windows 95 was trouble." Al sighed.

"I always knew napalm stuck to kids." Roy continued.

"What?" they all asked, but it was too late. The Mary Sues blew up and we all lived happily ever after.

"_Ha got you!"_

"As you know even we can't kill the Mary Sue, The End." Finished Ed.


	16. The adventures of Havoc and Fury on star

It was a sunny day when Havoc got a car. "I have a car."

"_Yeah, well I'm tired of looking at that Model T." a flash of light. "Here's your Mustang, he glares, "Fine, a Toyota!" _

"You stuck me with a Toyota."

"_Our budget's low."_

"Fine."

"_It also has the **On Star **navigation system."_

"Toyotas come with that?"

"_They do now!" _Fury walks up.

"I got a new car!" Havoc grins.

"What was wrong with your old one?"

"Beats me." He grins. "Let's go for a drive!"

"Why me?" Fury groans. They drove down a sunny lane. The birds and squirrels were singing, that is until Havoc decided to go into sniper mode.

"Got me a birdie!" Havoc laughed as he nailed a bird out of the sky.

"Sir, watch the road!" Fury cowered as they narrowly missed splatting an old lady.

"Oh look, a convenience store!" Havoc smiled as he sped into the parking lot and barely missed flattening a kid while parking. "Let's go!" he skipped/sauntered in.

_**Three hours and five suings later…**_

"I can't believe they moved the cigs to the pottery isle." He muttered. "They were better off in the small child department."

"Yes, a shame," Fury twitched. "Just open the car door and let's go."

"Right." He paused. "Um…"

"What?" Fury suspiciously asked.

"I think I left the keys in the car."

"Well open the door."

"It's locked."

"Well use the **_On Star _**thing."

"I can't." Havoc growled. "The unlock thing is on the keys."

"Well, call for help."

"The voice activated phone is in the car, and court has banned me from having a cell phone."

"I don't have a cell phone." Fury checked.

"I guess we'll have to break the windows to get the keys." As Havoc loped over to the window the car alarm went off.

"Sir wait!" Fury shouted as Havoc grabbed a shopping cart and lifted it into the air.

"What are you two doing?" an officer walked over. And that kiddies is how Fury and Havoc got a house arrest.


	17. Find a Happy Place Fury

"_Hello people! Today for a change we'll learn something useful!"_

"_Or not!"_

"_Who are you?"_

"_I'm your muse! Ichihane!"_

"_Really, I haven't seen you before."_

"_Well now you can! On with the show!"_

"Guys I have a question!" Havoc yelled running in.

"Very good, it is time for **Learning with Fury**." Fury smiled at the screen. "Today we'll learn about how the moon starts waves."

"Like in the football stadium?"

"Yes Havoc like in the…" he looks over. "What?"

"You know, like when they do the wave! I tried to start the wave once, but everyone just stared."

"No Havoc," Fury sighed.

"He means like in the ocean." Farman started.

"I love the ocean!" Mustang shouts. "Many scantily clad women sunbathing!"

"Guys," Fury started.

"The women are sunbathing on the coast, not in the ocean if I remember correctly." Al started.

"Yeah, it's impossible to sunbath in the ocean." Ed scoffed.

"Unless you're on a boat." Breda started.

"Or a floaty," Envy continued.

"Floaties are great!" Havoc grinned. "This one time in Wal-Mart I tried to start a floaty duel with an old lady, you know the foam kind, anyway for some reason she fell over and we got kicked out."

"Which is why we got sued." Fury groaned.

"Old people creep me out," Breda shuttered.

"Farman is standing right there!" Al cried trying to cover his ears.

"I am not old." Farman tried to defend.

"You have white hair!" Ed scowled.

"Yeah, what are you; Hatsuharu (Fruits Basket character) aged sixty years?" Roy eyed him.

"It all makes sense!" Hughes grinned. "He got too old for Fruits Basket and got sent here!"

"I am not Haru." Farman growled.

"Oh don't try to deny it." Envy glared.

"Speaking of which there's this new Military proposal." Roy started. "That anyone over sixty is used as a shield in war."

"Oh right," Havoc continued. "And you get a cupcake as your last meal; it's also good for cleaning up your blood."

"Oh sure," Farman sighed. "Just jam a cupcake into my artery as I gag and die."

"Why do I bother?" Fury asks the screen.

"Who are you talking to?" Havoc asks.

"He's gone mad." Breda stated.

"Again?" Al asked.

"I was hoping that he had gotten over it after the pillow incident." Ed continued.

"Find a happy place…" Fury chanted in fetal position.

"Let's roll him out of here." Hughes kicks him.


	18. Mall Troubles

It was war; Mustang had run out of toothpaste. He needed that toothpaste for his sexy smile, so he had to go to the mall. As luck would have it, he needed hair gel and other stuff too, also the military and others were coming along. "Why are we in the Disney store!" Mustang groaned.

"I wanted to get a souvenir." Fury and others were looking around.

"We're still in Japan." Havoc pointed out.

"So?" Al asked hugging a cat plushy as a familiar theme started playing.

"Well I'm going to puff the magic dragon." Havoc muttered as he pulled out a cig.

"I don't think that music was supposed to have that effect." Farman mused.

"Not in the costume isle." Ed growled.

"Who cares?" Havoc shrugged.

"Sir, you can't smoke in here." An annoying clerk dressed in a Mickey outfit said.

"Better mascots than you have tried." And he stuck the cigarette in the guy's eye and left.

"Let's go before we get sued." Breda muttered.

"Awww." Al and Fury sighed.

* * *

"Wow, I didn't know they made these." Hughes smirked as he picked out a see through thong.

"I'm in heaven." All guys excluding Fury, Al, and Ed drooled.

"Why are we in Victoria's Secret!" Ed shouted.

"For supplies." Mustang grinned at the lingerie.

"Ed," Al started.

"Don't look!" Hawkeye and Winry covered his eyes.

"Why is Havoc dressed in drag?" Fury asked.

"Um, sir!" Hawkeye called out.

"Yes,"

"What in god's name are you doing?" Hawkeye stared.  
"Securing my masculinity." He huffed.

"I don't think this is how you do that." Farman retched.

"Mommy!" all of the guys cleared out.

"What?"

* * *

"Great, Sears." Ed smirked. "No way you could get us thrown out of here."

"I need a new belt." Fury muttered.

"So do I." Havoc walked up.

_**Ten minutes later…**_

"Curse you interloping Fangirls!" Mustang cried as all (excluding Fury and Havoc) sprinted away from the building.


	19. Trouble in Translation

_This chapter could have spoilers, you have been warned…_

* * *

"This is so dumb." Ed muttered as he was running through the Ready, Steady, Go opening. He was about to do the trip sequence when Hughes ran in. "What are you doing here!" Ed scowled. "You aren't supposed to be here until about ten seconds for your part in the theme."

"What!" Hughes stopped. "I was just running in here to tell you that it was your Birthday and to bring Nina and your brother over to my house."

"Nina's already dead you moron, and you're supposed to be too."

"What!" he looked at the script. "But shouldn't the Ready, Steady, Go theme have already been over with by then?"

"You're right." Ed paused.

"What are you doing here?" Roy asked running over.

"That's what we should be asking you." Ed muttered.

"I was about to angst about the people I've killed." Roy paused. "Hughes, you're alive?"

"Apparently."

"Yo" three Als ran in. They looked at each other. "What the…" two of the Als were human and the other was armor.

"I was about to perform human transmutation," one of them said.

"I was about to punch Ed because he was going to let himself get killed by Scar." The armored one continued.

"I was about to act confused and alone." The other said.

"Die!" Hawkeye yelled as she chased Black Hayate across the stage while shooting at him.

"What script are we on!" Ed yelled.

"Beats me." Envy muttered walking in with a gun in his hand.

"Where are Havoc and the others?" Mustang glanced around.

"House arrest," Envy muttered. "It was Havoc's fault again, but to be fair picking out a gun and asking as spastically as possible where the antidepressants were in Wal-Mart is pretty tempting." He mused. "Also they all got into a fight over whether Godiva or Russell Stover is the better chocolate, with foam floaties, then golf clubs."

"Well, what episode is this?" Ed steamed.

"Who cares I'm getting me some crack." Barry the Chopper muttered. "When you're on crack, house refurnishing only costs 10.95." he walked out. They all shrugged.

"Sounds good to me."


	20. UPS

Once again the military (ok, it's only Havoc, Fury, Breda, and Farman) were driving down a road and back to work after a house arrest. Havoc was at the wheel, Fury in the passenger side, and Breda and Farman in the back.

"What's with all of the traffic?" Breda muttered staring out of the window.

"Beats me," Farman strained his eyes (which is hard considering that they're closed most of the time). "I think it's a UPS truck."

"UPS!" Havoc scowled.

"What's with you?" Fury asked trying to stay away from the angered sniper.

"UPS! Stupid truck driving scoundrels, keeping their doors open, perfect for hijackers to jump in and steal our packages and gooderies."

"Gooderies?" Farman asked.

"Yes!"

"Is that even a word?" Breda asked.

"Everything is a word!" Havoc exclaimed. "All package services are going down!" a grin shone in Havoc's eye.

"We just got over our last house arrest, wait a month or so for the next." Fury muttered trying to calm him down.

"No! We strike now!"

"God help us all." Farman muttered.

"What are we doing?" Breda asked.

"We're going to hijack the UPS truck!" Havoc grinned.

"Why?"

"To teach them a lesson!"

_**In the shadows…**_

"Ok, Fury you tackle the guy, Farman grab the packages, Breda you secure the truck, and I'll drive."

"How about I drive," Fury muttered. "You were never meant to drive."

"Well I wasn't meant for TV either, but you can drive, it's been a while since I've tackled anyone." He turned around. "BONZAI!" he tackled the UPS guy.

"AHHH!"

_**A few minutes later…**_

"Great we hijacked the UPS truck and are getting tailed by a cop car, what now!" Fury growled.

"We look through our spoils!" Havoc grinned as he, Farman, and Breda tore through the packages.

"Hey!" Breda grinned. "Ed was ordering Viagra, wonder why."

"Looks like Mustang isn't going to get his, rubber ducky?" Farman winced.

"You don't want to know." Fury muttered.

"I'll say one thing." Havoc muttered pulling out squeaky toy addressed to him. "Those Fangirls are getting more creative."

"And disturbing." Fury grimaced as he pulled out cheese spray.

"Hey, shouldn't you be driving?" Breda asked.

"Ummm…"

"One more house arrest for us." Farman grimaced as the cop cars surrounded them.

"I never knew Mr. Bubble was on the force." Havoc said to himself.


	21. Hangover opera NO!

It was a cultural day for the FMA crew as they went to the opera. The sun was shining and Havoc was stoned, and had a hangover, simultaneously. Fury was sugar high also which doesn't bode well for the poor saps in the opera.

"Isn't this going to be nice and dull." Ed muttered as he grimaced at the tuning up orchestra.

"You could use some culture chibi." Mustang grinned.

"Who's so short that he has to duck Cook's Pest control every time he leaves the house?" Ed went on a rant.

"He never said that." Al tried to calm the shorty down.

"Shaddup." Havoc muttered as he tried to take a nap in the theater seat, which was hard considering his long legs.

"It's your own fault for drinking so much at Hughes' party." Hawkeye scolded. "Elysia never stood a chance."

"Which is the reason she isn't here too." Hughes growled.

"It's your own fault for leaving the beer down at that level."

"Shhh, it's starting." Fury shushed jittering in his seat.

"Grrr." Havoc grumbled. The opera went surprisingly calmly, until the soprano lady came on.

"Shut up!" Havoc yowled as he hurled his opera glasses at the unsuspecting lady.

"Don't take your hangover pains out on the performers." Farman scolded.

"Sugar!" Fury smirked as he stole a box of sour straws from a small child.

"Mommy!" the kid wailed.

"Why wont you people just shut up!" he slurred as he knocked out the small kid with the chair as he ripped it out of the ground.

"Who's so miniature that elves go bounty hunting after him?"

"Seriously Full Metal, where do you come up with these things?" Roy smirked.

"Niisan, he only commented on your temper, not you."

"Weee!" Fury yelled as his sugar frenzy led him to pouncing old ladies to get their sugar stash.

"They won't shut up." Havoc whimpered in a shivering mass.

"Back off!" Hawkeye growled as Miroku from Inuyasha came up behind her. "Ok, that does it!" she grabbed her gun out and chased after him after he snuck a grope in.

"How did we get down here?" Farman asked Breda and Hughes as they wandered around the stage.

"Beats me, but look at these cool costumes." Breda grinned at the fat lady suit.

"I feel pretty," Hughes said as he tried on an Old English dress.

"Oh so pretty." Breda continued as he put on the fat lady costume. The three of them got the performers to sing with them under the influence of Hughes' special blend. Meanwhile Fury was still jumping old ladies and stealing their Milk Duds.

"Mine, my precious!" he grinned as he continued possessing the candy.

"Not again." Mustang growled.

"Does this mean we all settle our differences to round up the sugar high maniac?" Al asked hopefully.

"No way." Ed and Mustang chorused.

"The pain." Havoc groaned.

"Here come the cops, should we try to escape?" Winry asked Hawkeye as she beat the proverbial shit out of Miroku.

"Sure." She shrugged as they escaped as the SWAT team arrived.


	22. How Fury Got his groove, again apparentl...

Fury was lounging the day away on his nice soft couch, until Havoc, Hawkeye, and Roy picked him up and carried him gagged and tied into a van. "MmmPHt!"

"What?" Roy asked. Hawkeye sighed and ripped the gag off.

"Yow!" he whimpered. "What are you psychos doing?"

"We have officially declared that you have no rhythm, therefore, we are taking you to the arcade." Havoc answered.

"The arcade?" Fury asked perplexed.

"Young, naive Fury." They walked into the arcade and dragged Fury over to a Dance, Dance, Revolution booth, thing.

"Dance, Dance, Revolution?" Fury asked disbelievingly.

"The best way to learn!" Havoc hopped onto it. "Come on!"

"I am not taking you on in a dance off." Fury declared.

"If you don't the marshmallow peeps will get you."

"The peeps!" Fury ducked away.

"Why did you do that?" Hawkeye asked exasperatedly.

"What happened with the peeps?" Mustang asked.

"Let's just say a bag of them fell onto his head while he was shopping and leave it at that." Hawkeye muttered.

"Fine I'll have the dance off!" Fury howled as Havoc tickled him as Fangirls sighed and took pictures.

"How do you do this?" Fury asked.

"Just put you feet where the arrows tell you to."

"Arrows?" the music started and the arrows went by at top speed. Naturally Havoc was a pro at this sort of thing, unfortunately, Fury wasn't. "Ahhh!" Fury yowled as he fell over.

"It just begun…" Havoc stated.

"It's too hard!" Fury cried.

"Why not just get him a makeover to make up for his lack of rhythm?" Mustang asked.

"Sure." Havoc grinned as he watched the high school girls on the Dance, Dance, Revolution booth.

"Hot Topic?" Fury asked.

"Yeah, this is the only store with clothes that won't make **you** look too white." Mustang stated.

"And you guys?"

"We look good in anything." Havoc and Mustang stated. A few hours later they all came back out with a disgruntled Fury.

"Geese, I never thought it was possible for anyone to not look good in any style." Mustang growled.

"It's not his fault." Hawkeye stated.

"I'm more of a babe magnet than he is." Mustang went on.

"Oh my gosh!" a girl squealed.

"My public." The girl ran past Mustang.

"You're Fury!"

"Um, yes."

"I love you!" she dragged him off.

"I never thought I'd see the day that a girl jilted you for Fury." Havoc grinned. "There's hope for me yet."


	23. Thumb Guy

It was a sunny Saturday morning and the crew of FMA was going to a movie theater by a coincidentally big enough car. "Why is the UPS truck following us?" Havoc asked glaring at the truck.

"Havoc, they aren't following us, they're in front of us." Ed growled.

"You're point?"

"At least the door's closed." Fury pointed out.

"He just opened it!" Havoc indignantly spat. "I'll run him off of the road."

"NO!" Hawkeye grabbed the wheel.

"What movie are we going to see?" Al asked.

"How about million dollar baby?" Breda suggested.

"No!" Havoc growled. "I've already seen Rocky; I don't need to see the female version."

"How would you know if it's a female Rocky movie or not?" Falman asked.

"Besides, there's supposed to be a surprise in it." Hughes grinned.

"The critics say it's good." Armstrong ripped his shirt off.

"I don't care one way or another what the thumb guys say!" Havoc growled.

"Why not?" Fury asked.

"Because they get paid to watch movies while all of us have to pay to watch movies, I could be a critic!" Havoc schemed.

"God help us all." Winry muttered.

"The critic could be right." Roy added.

"If I ever do go to that movie I'm not going with you." Havoc snorted.

"Why not?" Falman glanced over.

"Because people like you ruin these movies by talk like, _the critics say that it's riveting!_ I don't want riveting! I want a stand able movie, and after the movie you people are like, _hey! That thumb guy was right!" _he glared at the road. "I want to strangle something," he muttered.

"How about we just go to the park?" Hawkeye suggested.

"Fine," Havoc muttered. The others sighed in relief at the lack of complaining…

_To be continued? _


	24. Not for guys

By some unforeseen miracle, they actually made it to the park. It was a nice sunny day. "You all get one bag of bread to feed the ducks." Hawkeye distributed the bags to them.

"Stupid freeloaders." Havoc muttered.

"Don't shoot the ducks." Fury reminded him as Havoc's hand went for the gun.

"Fine." He grabbed all of his bread at once.

"Use it up one at a time." Al freaked out, "Or else the feeding won't last long."

"Who said anything about feeding the ducks? I'm going to make a giant bread-ball to knock the lousy freeloaders out!"

"Sounds interesting." Mustang pondered. "I'll help."

"Urg," Fury grumbled.

"What's with you?" Farman backed away.

"I have a headache." He turned around. "Breda, can you give me the aspirin that you gave me last time, or whatever the heck it was?"

"Sure," he passed a small box over to him and Fury ate the contents inside. Ed peered at the box. "This is Midol."

"And?" Breda said.

"Don't you think Hawkeye or Winry will be looking for that?"

"They won't find out."

"Wow, this is great." Fury continued taking the "aspirin".

"You can't throw **that** at the ducks!" Winry yelled.

"Why not?" Mustang asked.

"It's twice their size!"

"So?" Havoc asked testing the giant slingshot out on some old ladies feeding pigeons.

"It's wrong!" Hawkeye growled. She reached in her purse for something but stopped. "Winry? Did you take the…?"

"The what?"

"The…" Hawkeye whispered in her ear.

"What do you mean you don't have it?" Winry asked.

"I guess I dropped it, Fury…" she glared. "Give it here."

"No, MINE!"

"Give it!" Winry growled as she took her wrench out. Hawkeye readied her gun. Needless to say all hell broke loose.

"Let her rip!" Havoc grinned as Mustang let go of the slingshot and it pinned a flock of ducklings, the ducks attacked, and they gained a fear of all waterfowl.


	25. FishDon't ask Havoc to have anything to ...

It was Monday and everyone was brain-dead. It could have been the work of the tank of fish on Fury's desk. "Clean out the tank for me, will you?" Fury asked Havoc as he left the office. "I have to go on some mission."

"Whatever." Havoc said with that expression on, that he had on episode 37 (or whatever episode) after he got dumped.

"See ya!" Fury skipped out with a mysterious package.

"Aren't you going to clean the tank out?" Farman asked peering at Havoc.

"Whatever." He picked a bottle up and dumped the contents into the tank.

_**Three hours later…**_

"What smells?" Breda asked.

"The fish are dead." Farman pointed out.

"How did this happen?" Havoc asked confuzzled.

"What did you dump into the tank?" Roy asked coming in.

"This." He held up the bottle.

"That's a jug of Mr. Clean." Roy muttered.

"Has anyone noticed how Mr. Clean looks just like Armstrong?" Farman mused.

"Well sure, they're related." Havoc scoffed.

"No they aren't, Mr. Clean just infected the Armstrong Family drinking supply with sparkling goodness." Roy corrected.

"No! Our sparkles are passed through the Armstrong art of…" Armstrong burst out of nowhere.

"Break it up Major Spaz." Breda grumbled. The sparkles fell.

"Sparkle killer!" Farman yelled spastically.

"I didn't mean it that way!" Breda cowered.

"Save it for the burning at the steak!" Roy growled.

_**A few minutes later…**_

"Medium or Well-done?" Roy asked.

"Medium."

"Thanks for getting rid of the accursed sparkles." Havoc grinned.

"We couldn't have done it without you." Farman agreed.

"We shall feast on steak!" Roy yelled.

"Get back to work." Hawkeye growled.

"Yes sir," they sighed.

"I'm a girl!"

"I'm back!" Fury grinned.

"Oh, good, what was in your bag?" Breda asked.

"What bag!" he panicked.

_**Somewhere in Canada…**_

"Noooo! The dice are attacking my ankles!" a crowd was running around in a panic. (No Canadians were harmed in the attacking of the dice, we think…)

_**Back to FMA…**_

"Hey what did you do to my fish!" Fury growled.

"It's his fault!" Havoc pointed at the frozen Armstrong and ran.

"Well…" he glared at the others.

"It's true! He made Mr. Clean!" they ran off.

"WTF?"


	26. Return of the Warehouse

"Why are we here?" Roy asked glaring at a tiger in the Tiger Pit in the zoo.

"We're here to, investigate weird happenings?" Havoc suggested giddily feeding the ducks with Fury. Al was enchanted by the river otters.

"Look Niisan! They're just like cats!"

"Cats don't like water you moron." Ed grumbled staring at the frolicking creatures.

"What was that Niisan?"

"Nothing!" he quickly covered up. "I will not call Al stupid." He started chanting to himself.

"What are you doing?" Breda inched away.

"My Psychologists said it would help me." Ed continued with his chanting.

"Who are your psychologists?" Farman asked trying to distract himself from the disturbing children at the zoo.

"Mr. T and Dr. Feelgood."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"That can't be right." Fury said remembering clearly that they were in Canada at the time of the 'Fuzzy Dice Accident'.

"That would be an interesting session." Havoc continued as he tried to lure the ducks over to the barbecue pit in the picnic area.

"Hey, has that always been there?" Mustang asked pointing at a warehouse. "Oh god, not again."

"What?" Ed asked. "It's just a warehouse with the number 13 on it."

"What's the big deal?" Al asked, now enchanted by the sand cats. A dark aura surrounded them all.

"That's the problem." He pointed at Fury, Breda, and Farman as they spazzed out. "Didn't I already teach you that ghosts do not exist?" he growled.

"They're going to steal our souls!" Fury dramatically spazzed.

"What's going on?" Havoc asked.

"You remember when we went to warehouse 13 last year?" Mustang asked.

"Nope, that was all a blur, all I can remember is getting jilted by Armstrong's sister." His eyes glazed over.

"Great, he's back in a depression." Mustang glared. "Way to go guys!"

"I guess we should check it out." Ed stormed off toward the building.

"Wait for me Niisan!" Al ran off after him. "I don't want my soul stolen!"

"You want us to go?" Breda asked.

"Yes." Mustang growled.

"Fine."

**In the warehouse…**

"Weird, I can hear growling." Mustang muttered.

"I'm too old to die! I was supposed to be in a Fruits Basket reunion special!" Farman muttered.

"So you were Haru!" Fury grinned.

"Yes," he sighed.

"I was Kyo." Breda sighed. They stared at him.

"I was Miroku until I found culture that wasn't from the Feudal age." Mustang sighed. "They replaced me with Denny."

"Block?" Fury asked.

"No, it's supposed to be something along the lines of Broche, but the Americans screwed it up." Mustang scowled.

"But he looks nothing like Miroku." Farman pointed out.

"They died his hair." Mustang sighed.

"I was Vash the Stampede." Ed piped up. They stare. "I took drugs and grew a few inches shorter."

"A few?" Mustang asked. Ed was about to go into a fit, but was cut off.

"What does this do?" Fury asked pulling a lever. They heard a creaking sound and a roar. They had no warning as the tiger jumped out from behind the door and glared at Mustang.

"Run fast." Farman suggested barely over a whisper.

"Ahhh!" Mustang yelled as he tore through Osaka with various rips in his clothing.

"We never know if Mustang died or got away that day." Fury sighed talking to Oprah.

"Yes you do, I'm right here," Mustang calmly stated.

"Oh," he took his glasses of and rubbed them, "Jiminy Cricket got smashed on my glasses, how about that?"

"I told you not to go to Disney World." Farman sighed.

"How was I supposed to know that he was going to fly in front of the Dumbo ride at that time?"

"By the way, Disney's suing you." Breda checked the mail.

"How can he get sued by a dead guy?" Ed chuckled.

"Easily apparently." Al gaped as a hellish hole ripped through the floor.

"So what was the 13th warehouse?" Oprah asked a bewildered Havoc as Fury tried to fight off the hole with the dice.

"It was just an animal sick bed for the zoo." Havoc sighed.

"So, have you been in any past animes."

"I was was Momiji from Fruits Basket." He looked around.

"So, who did get Tohru?"

"He did," he glared at Hughes who was holding Gracia/Tohru. "Toboe from Wolf's Rain got her."

"Oops." Al grimaced.

"What?" Mustang asked.

"My tiger got free."

"Your tiger!"

"After we pulled him off of you I felt sorry for him and decided to keep him."

"Run Mustang, Run!" the audience chanted, and again the race was on.


	27. Pedophiles, Yugioh, and Cruise ships

A peaceful cruise ship was gliding along the crystal waves in the ocean. At the front of a ship some person was hanging over the side doing a Titanic impression of Rose. "I'll never let go!" the person yelled. But this was all spoiled when Havoc ran up behind the poor girl and threw her into the ocean at full tilt.

"That was funny when the movie came out but now that's just corny!" Havoc shouted at the waves.

"I wanted to push her off." Fury pouted.

"Was that necessary?" Farman asked.

"She was blocking my sunlight." Havoc scoffed as he lay back down on the deck chair.

"Where are the others?" Fury asked.

"I think Al was going to some Yugioh (or however you spell it) duel." Havoc sighed.

"We should go after them." Farman sighed.

**_In another room…_**

"This is stupid." Breda growled as Farman, Havoc, and Fury found him in the duel room of the cruise ship. Ed had conned him into watching Al.

"It's time to duel!" Al pulled out some card.

"No!" some kid wailed.

"What the…" Farman glanced around. "My eyes!" he cringed as he saw some old fat man in shorts dueling a little boy. "I'm blind!"

"Your eyes are always closed, how can you be blind?" Havoc pointed out. "Who let this pedophile in here!" Havoc growled as he noticed the man. Fury inched away.

"Let's ditch Al and get wasted." Breda whispered.

"Too late." Havoc muttered as he watched Farman and Fury drink off the horrendous sight.

"Might as well look around." Havoc wandered off as Breda decided to get drunk too.

**_In another room… My apologies to Catholics…_**

"A church service?" Roy asked as he stood there with Ed.

"This is stupid; I'm not listening to the pope! I'm a scientist!"

"Go away!" they heard a guard yell.

"I just want to know if this chair gave you infallibility." Havoc stated.

"What!"

"I heard that the chair gave you special pope powers!" Havoc grinned as he tried to steal the chair away.

"No it doesn't!"

"Oh, well, is it the hat?" Havoc grabbed for it.

"No!" the pope tried to get away. "Guards!"

"Now we leave." Ed whispered as he and Mustang ran off.


	28. Author alert

Just to let you know, there will be no updates for about a week or so… Its spring break and I'll be leaving during that time. There will be no updates till after then. Carry on.


	29. Psycho therapy meets Havoc

"I still say you guys need it." Hawkeye argued.

"We are perfectly sane, we do not need therapy." Mustang scoffed as they walked to the office. "Now where's my…" his eyes widened as they entered the room. "Coffee?" All of the military was jamming to the Numa dance song on the computer at full volume. Havoc was dancing on the table whirling his shirt around in the air; Fury was the only one actually doing the Numa Numa dance at the computer.

"You were saying?" Hawkeye gave him a triumphant look.

"I'll call Marcoh." Mustang blinked in disbelief as they all initiated chicken dance like moves.

**Marcoh- five minutes later…**

"Great, I finally get my first patient as a therapist." Marcoh sighs as the elevator went down; it stops at a floor for a while but closes. "I wonder why it stopped here?" he wonders aloud. The door is almost shut when Havoc rams his head through the crack to open the door.

"Here's Havoc!" he grins in a manic way.

"No! The Shining!" Marcoh spazs.

"Chill out, I just wanted to catch the elevator." He grins. "We're you patients."

"We?"

"Me and Moofy!" he grins at thin air.

"Are you ok?"

"Never better!"

"Who's Moofy?" Marcoh asks as they get into the therapy room.

"My special friend!" he looks beside him. "He appeared after I couldn't get a girlfriend in the third grade, he's a talking purple weasel!"

"Ok," he stared at him. "Have you ever tried to get rid of him?"

"Oh, sure," he rolls his eyes. "But I could never find Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends."

"Right." He writes in his notebook. "Play this game and I'll evaluate your sanity from the results."

"Ok!" three minutes later… "What the? This game is a dork!" he spats as he throws it down.

"What's the problem?" Marcoh sighs.

"This game asked what my waist size is, that's personal, and what is the greater wheat toast!"

"Ok, let's talk about feelings, how are you?" Marcoh sighed.

"Super-Dee-duper!" he grinned spastically. "I was happy, but now I'm sad, now I'm manic, now I'm depressed, now I'm stoned, now I'm sober, now I'm not…"

"Ok! Let's talk about something else!" Marcoh spazzed.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Havoc asked.

"What?"

"Do you?"

"Well, no."

"You're too old to get one now."

"That's not true!" Marcoh protests.

"Moofy says it is!"

"Moofy's not real!" Havoc stares at him.

"What?"

"He's a figment of your imagination!" tears form at Havoc's eyes.

"Don't say that; please just don't say that, the last time someone said that, something bad happened."

"Like what?" he sighed. Ed peeked out from behind the curtain.

"I became short." He disappeared.

"Dear lord." Marcoh gasped.

"I need closure." He curled into fetal position.

"I'll get Fury." Marcoh sighed as he walked away.

"Don't spare the tartar sauce." Havoc whimpered.

"What!"

"Nothing."


	30. are gun wielding extremists wearing farm...

"Cows!" Fury grinned as they drove to the dorms. There was a cow field on the way; the kind that really doesn't belong in that place, but for some reason it's there. "Baby cows!"

"Yes Fury, it is spring, cow season." Farman sighed.

"Why is the parking lot around the dorms fenced?" Breda asked.

"Because Havoc thought it would be a good idea to turn the lot into break dance central." Roy glared.

"Hey, it's like regular break dancing, but with jellyfish and wrapping paper." Havoc snorted.

"I don't want to know." Fury griped.

"Wouldn't it be a good idea to move the cows from that field to the fenced in lot." Havoc mused.

"What?" Farman asked dreading another catastrophe.

"Why," Fury asked.

"Why not, there's some grass growing out of the cement and you could open your window when you're lonely and pet a cow." Havoc grinned.

"One problem." Breda states. "One, the higher ups are going to notice, two, how would we move them, I can't very well see that mongrel, Hayate, herding a bunch of three ton cows."

"That was two problems." Mustang pointed out.

"That's beside the point!"

"I want a pet cow to stroke; I get lonely at five a.m." Fury said softly.

"Fine, we'll move the cows up to Green Mountain." Havoc huffed.

"The nature park? Why?" Mustang asked intrigued.

"There's foliage, a lake, and geese."

"Why do the geese matter?" Fury asked.

"Cows eat geese you idiot!"

"Hey! I am not an idiot!"

"You go Fury!" Farman exclaimed. They stare at him. "What?"

"Don't do that, it doesn't work on you." Breda stared.

"What?"

"Anyway I say we steal a truck and load the cows." Havoc grimaced. "But no UPS or Uhaul."

"What's wrong with Uhaul?" Mustang asks.

"They break down fifty times when you're on the road, so you have to keep stopping at a gas station every few miles to put gasoline and water in it, and the company doesn't even refund!" he starts foaming.

"Chill man, let's get that truck."

"The FedEx, sure."

"That won't hold fifty cows." Farman stated.

"It will if we work together." Havoc schemes.

**Fifty minutes later…**

"We're almost there!" Havoc grinned.

"How did we fit all of these cows back there?" Farman asked.

"Time warp, now lets unload!"

"Won't the farmers and park rangers notice?" Fury looked around.

"Don't worry, be happy." He opens the door. "Move out my bovine buddies! Be free!" the cows stampede out of the truck and start chewing up the trees and bathing in the lake.

"Gentlemen," Mustang starts. "We have single-handedly started the species of wild cattle, be proud, for we are the few, the brave, the marines."

"Have you taken your medication?" Breda asked.

"No, why?"

"Just asking."

"Guys, are gun wielding extremists wearing farming hats a bad thing?" Fury asked.

"Yes Fury, why?" Farman asked.

"I believe that we have been caught." Mustang sighed.

"Not if I can help it!" Havoc yelled. He gets cuffed. "Oh, I guess I can't."

"It's just Monday and you've gotten us thrown in jail!" Farman yelled.

"We need a better agent." Breda sighed.


	31. Farman's only one year older than Haru?

"Why are we at the mall?" Hawkeye asked as they wandered around.

"To escape our parole officers of course." Mustang rolled his eyes.

"Chicks." Breda said.

"Where are Fury and Havoc?" Hughes asked.

"There." Mustang pointed. Fury and Havoc were on the Dance, Dance Revolution thing in the arcade.

"Fury can dance now?" Farman asked.

"Sure, why not?" Ed said.

"If Fury can get his groove on so can I!" Farman proclaimed.

"Farman," Hawkeye started as if she were speaking to a small kid. "You are old, you weren't meant to get your groove on."

"Yeah, you're old." Breda agreed.

"I'm not old!"

"You have white hair." Al said staring at him.

"But there's black hair too." He thought. "Haru from Fruits Basket has white and black hair!"

"He's younger." Mustang stated.

"Well yeah, according to this site Fruits Basket was made on July 5, 2001 and this site said that Full Metal Alchemist was made in 2000…" he paused. "Wait a minute," he grinned. "This means I'm only a year older than Haru, he's about fifteen or something, so I'm sixteen years old!"

"That can't be right, I'm around thirty!" Mustang stared.

"I'm younger than most of you!" Farman did a dance.

"Your logic sucks." Ed groaned.

"Besides, we're not even sure this information is right." Al continued.

"Who cares? I feel young again!" he twirls around a lamppost.

"Stop that! Old people aren't meant to have a groove!" Hughes yelled.

"What about that Six Flags Guy?" Havoc asked as he and Fury came out.

"He's not real!" Breda scoffed.

"Oh yeah," Havoc turned on a nearby TV.

"_It's such a nice day!" some girl said. (SGS) "What's that noise?" music starts up. "Oh, no!" the guy jumps out of the bus and starts dancing. "Mommy!"_

"_No escaping now kid!" he shoves her on the bus and drives away._

"Poor kid never stood a chance." Fury sighed. "Why do they call it Six Flags over Georgia?"

"Because Fury, there are six magical flags hovering over Georgia that are the guardians of the Georgia folk." Breda rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Fury asked with starry eyes.

"Yes, now go." Breda growled. "But it's really because there were originally only six roller coasters in the park, but this changed."

"You realize that he's already halfway to Georgia by now, right?" Hawkeye asked.

"Of course." He grinned.


End file.

Fullmetal Alchemist, Humor