Death Note 1. Chapter 1: When Life Gives you Lemons

**Warnings: **Underage drinking, underage sex, emotional abuse, all kinds of crap.

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Death Note.

**Author's Notes: **I'm not even going to tell myself that I shouldn't start another multichapter fic. It's funny how short this first chapter is for something that took me so long...I spent most of it wondering how I was going to divide the story and the chapters and jotting down drafts and worrying a lot about my tone...I think I'm somewhat happy with it this chapter now...or I'm very tired.

oh did I mention this is AU?...because I thought that was fairly obvious from the summary.

* * *

**Suburban Scandal.**

_**Prologue:**_

_The one thing I've learnt is that the smartest people make dumb mistakes too, because when presented with things we most crave, from the depth of our hearts, none of us are very smart about it. Deep down within we all hope to be foolish, carefree, make mistakes that become better, have only wounds that will heal, have someone to catch us when we fall._

_Deep down inside, we all hope beyond hope that our dreams will come true._

_But the thing I've learnt is that the smartest people aren't smart because they're born that way. They're smart because they learn._

* * *

_**Chapter 1: When Life Gives You Lemons.**_

Mello threw his head back and let out a loud moan. He half hoped his mother hadn't heard that. He half didn't care.

"Oh god!" He moaned at the ceiling. "Oh god yes!"

A milky gel dripped down his knuckles slowly as his hand violently stroked his glistening lubed up erection. His thumb ran over the tip and he found himself mumbling indecipherable things at himself, things he imagined he would never be able to say to another person. A beer bottle rested against his thigh, between his legs, and Mello contemplated using that as an improvised toy. He eyed it biting his lip and holding his breath while his hand moved over his manhood, imagining how good it'd feel to have someone inside of him. The thought made his heart beat faster.

"Mello?!" He heard his mother call. "Get out of there!"

Mello didn't stop. He was biting his lip raw, too far gone to care anymore.

"Oh god…" he muttered. "oh take me.."

"Mello, what are you doing?!" His mother called again, banging a fist hard against the bathroom door.

"Give me a second!" Mello yelled, almost moaning at her.

_Just another second._ He thought, moving his hand harder. His face scrunched up as his breath got shallower with each stroke. "oh god just a second longer!" he whimpered squirming in the bath tub, panting.

He spilled a hot mess onto his belly. A warm ache and exhaustion spread over his body. It wasn't enough. It was never enough.

Sluggishly, he turned the tap with his feet and let the cold water wash his semen off his belly, along with the gel on his manhood and his hand.

He stood up, picking the bottle of beer with him and flinging it out the little window above his head. He heard the bottle fall onto plastic bags full of trash, clinking as it hit the other two bottles he'd flung out earlier, and knew he hadn't missed the mark. He was still a little tipsy from the beer. His tolerance for alcohol was still pretty low. After all, he'd only started drinking about a month ago on his sixteenth birthday. Since then he had made it a habit to steal a bottle of his father's beers whenever he could and get drunk, or try, in the bathroom. It almost always led to him touching himself but that happened a lot anyway, with or without the beer. His parents could never tell if the beer had been stolen. And whenever his mother wondered aloud about how they were running out of beer too soon, Mello just laughed and asked her what else she expected from his alcoholic father. She'd sush and glare at him and he'd shrug and go back to whatever he was doing with nothing but a pang of guilt, nothing a little "playtime" couldn't solve.

After washing his hair and scrubbing his body clean, Mello pulled on a pair of white jeans, wrapped his towel around his bottle of lube to conceal it and swung the bathroom door open. His mother stood outside, glaring at him. His mother, Melanie, was a kind hearted hard working woman. Mello had always admired her strength and poise, her laughter and love. He had also thanked the heavens for giving him her looks and metabolism, instead of his father's.

"Just another second?" she asked, with a raised eyebrow he'd so often seen in the mirror on his own face. "Was that a second to you?"

Mello shrugged. "I was washing my hair!" He smiled at her.

"Well you're not Rapunzel, you know." She whined. Mello could see her anger melt away. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"I could be if you'd let me grow it longer."

"What? You think you don't already look like a girl?"

"And what's wrong with that?!" Mello gave her an exaggerated offended expression. "You look like a girl too, y'know?!"

"That's because I am one."

"Well, I am too." Mello smiled. "Some days."

His mother lightly laid a slap across his face and laughed. "There're new neighbors moving in next door." She said. "I want you to go help them move in."

"Oh god! Muuuum!" Mello whined leaning his forehead against the wall. "Why do you do this?!"

"C'mon, baby." She pouted at him like she always did ever since he was little, stroking his cheek gently. "They're new around here. You have to be nice. Make friends. It's nice to help people, Mello."

He sighed and accepted defeat.

* * *

Rod Ross heaved a heavy box out of the back of his SUV and placed it on the sidewalk. The sun was out but thankfully the wind was blowing right through his button down white collared shirt. He picked up another box marked books and focused his strength on picking it up and placing it on the sidewalk next to the previous box, wondering why his wife insisted on keeping books even after she had long graduated college. He hadn't been able to wait to get rid of his own books. But then he'd never cared much for studying, not like she did.

"Need help?" A voice interrupted his thoughts.

He had to look up to see who the owner of the voice was. Tall, slender legs wrapped up in tight jeans greeted him. He licked his lips and smirked, deciding to take his time to examine the person before him. Admiring a work of art could never be a rushed job.

He was used to being approached by women. He enjoyed the attention and took it whenever he could get it. It was just flirting. It didn't matter. The legs were followed by sun kissed skin and soft curves where the person's pelvic bones ought to be. He bit the inside of his lip to stop himself from saying something too forward, or whistling.

Rod half expected a short tight crop top to greet him soon after but he was met with a flat bare chest, followed by a sharp chin, a smirk and mischievous blue eyes. For a second Rod felt a little more shocked than he should have. Not because the owner of the legs he'd been admiring a second ago wasn't a woman, but because he wasn't sure if he'd ever met a man – boy – who looked just about ready to eat.

"I said, do you need help?" The boy repeated himself, in soft slow voice. "Or are you too busy looking at me to hear my voice?"

"Help would be great. Thank you." Rod replied, half shaking his head. He'd let himself get lost for a while there. He had to make sure that didn't happen too much, but lately he'd been so agitated that any distraction was welcome, let alone a distraction this attractive. "But I'm afraid some of these boxes might be a little too heavy for-"

The boy bent forward without a word, picked up the box marked books. His lithe muscles tensed under his skin but the boy tried to show no signs of strain. His jaw betrayed him, but his eyes remained steely. Rod tried not to smirk at the boy's attempt at proving himself.

"I'm Mello." He said holding the box between them. "I live right next door and I'd shake your hand but I'm too busy proving that I am not weak." He smiled sweetly at Rod through pursed lips and shiny blue eyes.

"I'm Rod Ross." Rod shook himself out of disbelief. The boy, Mello, seemed too amused with himself. A smug satisfied smirk rested on his face effortlessly.

"So where do you want these, Rod Ross?" His voice turned softer and sweeter as he said Rod's name and the sultry expression on his face wasn't any consolation.

"In the living room." Rod said, bending down to pick up the other box he'd left on the sidewalk. "And just Rod is fine."

"Rod then." Mello said suppressing a laugh. _Sure can see your rod right through your pants. _He pursed his lips harder to stop himself from laughing or was it from the weight of the box? He shrugged and followed Rod into his home.

The house was white walled and would've looked incredibly spacious if it wasn't for the dark oak flooring and the excessive amount of boxes littered all over the living room floor. Not that that did anything to hide how grand the house was.

"Nice place." Mello commented. "What's in this box anyway?" He asked as he set it on top of another, gladly.

"My wife's book collection." Rod replied. "Or at least a part of it."

Mello felt himself sink a little bit. He smiled anyway.

"Married men aren't supposed to ogle at people." His voice somehow, despite his attempts, dribbled with disappointment.

"I wasn't."

"Sure." Mello nodded waving a hand between them in dismissal.

Mello had never really had much trouble attracting people to himself. Trouble was always keeping their attention. There was always something in the way. Either he wasn't good enough for people or people weren't good enough for him. Other people being taken was new to him but it wasn't as though there was much potential to begin with. All he'd done was look at Mello, and Mello couldn't even count the number of people that had done that.

"Anything else you need help with?"

Rod looked around for a while and something told Mello he was looking for a reason to make Mello stay. But that was wishful thinking. It had to be.

"No." He said. "That's it."

* * *

The door creaked slightly as Mello pulled it open. On one hand he could feel Rod's eyes on him from across the lawn. On the other hand his father's shoes were sitting in the shoe rack and Mello wanted to sneak in without having to speak to him.

He was lithe and fast so he usually got away from his father. But it was always trouble when he didn't. It wasn't that Mello hated his father. In fact, he loved both his parents very much. He just loved his father a lot less when he was drunk.

He stepped lightly, taking longer strides towards the stairs.

"Mello?" His father's voice was sharp, bellowing. It seemed to ring inside his ribs, echo inside his skull. He could feel his forehead tensing up but he didn't dare make his father wait. Last time he'd done that, he'd earned thrashing. And last time he had been six, and scared.

He swung around quickly into the living room.

"Yes?" He tried to smile, but it came off stiff.

"Where were you?"

"Helping the neighbors move in."

His father glared at him. He had a beer bottle in his hand. The room was rank with the smell of his aftershave. His eyes were a dark brown, small and beady. His hair combed neatly back and what he called "the appropriate length for a man's hair". He was a neat man, a neat man with an unsightly temper. But Mello had learned to live with it.

"You were helping the neighbors when your mother needed you here?"

"She asked me to." His voice was small, or he couldn't hear it over his heartbeat.

"Norman, I sent him to help the neighbors." He heard his mother call out from the kitchen.

Mello's eyes remained glued to his fathers. He felt his mind knot itself over and over and over. He hated the silences the most. He hated waiting for fate.

"Go get some school work or something done."

Mello's feet moved before the sentence was done. Before he knew it he had his back against the door of his room. He let his head fall against the painted white door and shut his eyes to untangle the knots in his mind. He hated how much he tensed up whenever something like that happened. The worst part was that, nothing had happened. If he tried to ask himself "why are you so tensed up?" He never heard any answers.

He had gotten tired of asking. His father must've had a hard day at work. He worked hard and he did it for them, to provide for them. He had to be patient, to put up with his father's moods. It was for him that his father was so tensed that he needed to wash the tension down with alcohol.

It was for him.

It was his fault.

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Lol I don't know what to say... Updates will be slow but I'd love to know what everyone thinks so far.


	2. Chapter 2: Lungs full of Nictone

**Chapter 2: **_**Lungs full of Nicotine and a Head full of Sex.**_

Mello literally ran back home the following day. Sometimes he couldn't recall what he was running from. Everything made him uncomfortable and tired. And he'd been tired for so long he wouldn't even call it tiredness anymore. Just, boredom.

School bored him. He'd find that he'd learnt everything in a textbook before the teachers had the chance to go over it with the class. So he'd sit in the middle of class wanting more. It'd agitate him, stir something inside him. His feet would repeatedly smack against the floor, fast, in his boredom, and impatience.

_More more. _He'd think glaring at the teacher. _Tell me something I don't know._

Sometimes he'd ask questions about things that were "too advanced for his age group" as his teachers put it.

"What does that matter?" He'd ask.

"Well, it's wasting class time."

"But I want to know and wouldn't it just be…y'know….educational?"

"Listen if you want to know something that isn't on the syllabus, see me after class or look it up in the library."

Soon Mello ended up spending more time in the library than in class.

He had friends though. Lots of friends. All of whom had the ability to get on his nerves within a matter of seconds. All of whom talked like they were children. Perhaps they were.

"Did you hear about Damian? I heard he's gay. He asked Mark out." One of his friends, Cole, had said during recess.

"EW! Goddammit that's disgusting! We're eating here, man!" Derek, another friend, had exclaimed.

"Watching you eat is what's disgusting." Mello had said rolling his eyes. He couldn't believe he had been head over heels for Derek. Well, it was hard not to be. He was a hunk of a boy, athletic and all, curly brown hair, bright blue eyes.

Mello got over it quickly after speaking to Derek for the first few times. He was so painfully dull that it was as exciting as watching a frog croak on a lotus leaf for five hundred hours. Derek was boring, predictable. None of his personality was his own thoughts. It was all inherited from TV, popular music, society, his older brother, his father. Mello was of firm faith that Derek was criminally dull. He waited every day for the police to lock him up so he could stop inflicting his criminal dullness onto the world.

However, while Mello loved being away from home, he sometimes hated being around his friends so much that all he would want would be to run back home. It'd be specifically hard not to play hooky when he'd be in class and his teacher would be teaching something his brain had digested and crapped out ages ago. But when he couldn't, he'd sit in class, feet slapping against the floor fast and get lost in his agitation. Sometimes he'd sit there and fantasize about Derek, about Cole, about Mark, or Damian, or his teacher, or Cindy and the other girls who made eyes at him, anyone, really, or all of them at once. It had gotten to the point where he didn't care who he was thinking about so long as he could picture himself bent over a flimsy desk being fucked six ways to Sunday in excruciating detail.

He sometimes thought about Derek in his football uniform, sweat shimmering on his skin. He thought about Derek taking him roughly in the locker room. Then Derek – the real life Derek - would whisper something to him in the middle of his dreaming and he'd actually hear every cell in his body groan from boredom and he'd shift his thoughts to his teacher telling him to see him after class to explain things that were too high level to be explained in class. He'd picture his teacher slipping a hand between his legs. He'd picture himself telling him not to stop. His mind played like a porno, repeating scenarios that'd never happen. But he entertained himself anyway.

He'd have gone out with Cindy to be quite honest. She seemed like a fun girl, probably as lose and adventurous as him. He'd heard things about her. She had apparently done things he'd only fantasized about. But oh high school was such a supremely public place. Nothing ever stayed between two or three people. And he hated being on display. For someone who found socializing so easy he was a strangely private person. He hated that about high school. Everything was everyone's business.

"It's because they're all so fucking bored." He'd tell himself. But their intrusive behavior only made him pull away from them. He envied Cindy though. She never cared what they said about her. For some reason he cared what they said about him. He had yet to figure out what the reason was.

So he'd run back home even when he knew home wasn't the place he wanted to be.

"Anywhere but here." He'd think, but that wasn't a very productive answer. The answer never changed, no matter where he found himself.

Mello brisk walked into the house, glad to be home. He could sneak a couple of bottles from the fridge and go take a shower, unwind for a bit in hot water and with a bottle of lube. No one had to know. Who should he think of today? Derek? Cindy? That Rod guy that had moved in next door? Perhaps Rod. New people always excited him. So why not?

"Mum!" He called, walking into the living room. "I'm home!"

His mother was seated on the couch, with her legs pulled up, her favorite cup in her hand and hot teapot sitting on the coffee table covered with his favorite tea cozy that he loved only because his mother had made it from an old floral shirt of his that his father forbade him to wear. "No son of mine will wear women's clothes."

On the seat next to her was another woman, younger but no less charming.

Mello did a double take, swallowing himself back into his shell.

"Mello, you're back." His mother smiled at him, wide like she always did. "This is Aaniyah."

"You met my husband yesterday, I hear." She smiled at him, but all he could feel was the sting of pain in his chest. "He said you helped move some boxes. Thanks for that."

"No problem." His response was automatic. He was otherwise preoccupied with measuring her. She had olive skin that shone like oil in the sunlight, a charming wide smile that reached her almond eyes and a body to rival his own. He hated that. He wondered if he would look half as lovely when he was her age, whatever age that was.

His heart sank a little but he'd learnt not to let things show on his face. But, Rod had mentioned him to her. Did that count for something?

"Actually Aaniyah was here to see you."

"Me?" His surprise showed. His heart raced for a second going over his conversation with Rod from the previous day hoping he hadn't been too rude or too flirtatious.

"I hear you help a lot around the house?" She spoke with a wide smile that made Mello cringe a little. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. Of course she was. He felt himself shrink from her warmth. _Anywhere but here._ He thought.

"I try." He replied returning a small smile that he hoped reached his eyes. It probably didn't.

"Don't be modest." His mother laughed the way she did when his father wasn't around, full and loud, like she didn't have a care in the world. He had watched her shrink though. She shrank just like he did every time his father came back home. "He's my rock. He's always so good to me, always so helpful. But the truth is I don't need that much help around the house. Ever since I stopped working, it's all been a breeze."

"I'm looking for someone who could help me around the house." Aaniyah said, measuring the teenager standing before her. He seemed like a nice kid. _Eccentric looking, _She thought ignoring his sharp gaze. _But that doesn't make him a bad kid either, just a different one. _And that never bothered her for a minute. "My husband is basically useless around the house and my work hours are very hectic. Sometimes I'm not home for nights at a time because I cover night shifts at the hospital. I need someone to look after him and the house."

Mello let out a laugh, one that definitely reached his eyes. He stopped himself instantly wiping the amusement off his face.

"You want me to babysit your husband?" He asked, trying not to laugh again.

Aaniyah laughed out loud. Her laughter was fresh and it made Mello think of the ocean for some reason. He imagined she smelled like the sea. "When you put it that way….Well, yes actually." She said. "He's completely useless."

"Such marriage material." Mello smirked, rolling his eyes. He sat himself down next to his mother.

"Mello!" His mum lightly hit his thigh. "Don't be rude."

"No it's okay." Aaniyah managed to say between a fit of laughter. "He's right. You'd think I'd have more sense. But he's a good guy and he does take care of me. So I guess what I'm saying is we're in love."

Mello felt another pang in his chest. But for a second all he could picture was being her and sharing her husband's bed.

* * *

"Well, here's everything."

Mello heard Aaniyah but he was too preoccupied with the house he was in. It was Rod's home and it was neat and modern and beautiful. It looked little like it had when he first saw it. There were no piles of boxes on the dark oak floor, just furniture, nice beige colored furniture that went beautifully with the dark floor. A warm looking green rug in the middle of the living room looked so inviting Mello instantly stepped on it. There were plants in the every corner of the living room, shelves full of books, a dark oak and glass coffee table with potpourri and neatly arranged catalogues. Mello instantly knew who's doing this was and it wasn't Rod's.

"You've done such a good job with the place." Mello smiled at her. He could see why anyone would like her. She was responsible, caring, organized even from the looks of it.

"Thanks! I had some help from Rod." She smiled. "He's not a lot of help with the planning but he can carry heavy things. Anyway, I'll need you to do little things around the house. Like heat up Rod's dinner, take care of the house, dishes, some cleaning, watering the plants, laundry, ironing clothes. You know, that kind of thing." She watched the blonde nod vigorously at her before continuing. "You won't need to be around on weekends. I'll be around myself. And I'll tell you when I have night shifts and when I have day shifts at the hospital. You only need to be around when I have night shifts. Rod's at work in the morning anyway and you've got school. You can always bring your homework here and hang out over here if you want. I think some distance might be good to concentrate. I always find that a change of location offers new insights and motivation. But it might be different for you. It's up to you. I just need you to kind of be around in case Rod needs anything."

Mello tried not to roll his eyes. He liked Aaniyah enough but what kind of a baby can't do his own laundry and iron his own clothes and heat up his own food?

"Don't worry." He assured her, taking a seat at the kitchen island as she prepared some tea. "I've had experience babysitting."

She laughed again.

"He's very troublesome. It's almost unbearable." She said smiling and passing him a hot cup of chamomile tea. "Where we used to stay he had friends he could go visit while I was at work. But here he's going to need a little help for a while."

"Why'd you move if you were so well-adjusted?" the question popped from Mello's mouth before he had the time to think about it. "I'm sorry if that's not my place."

"No no. I don't mind." She said. "It's the usual. Better job. Better pay. Better neighborhood."

Mello nodded but didn't ask where they had moved from. It'd be prying in too much.

"Well, Mello." She smiled, put her cup down neatly and Mello watched as she turned the handle so that was parallel to the edge of the counter top and a safe distance away from it. She was neat, organized, careful, sophisticated and not to mention beautiful. Why wouldn't anyone love her? "You wanna start working here tomorrow? I have a night shift tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Just tell me where the baby formula and the bottle is, and I'll handle the rest."

She laughed again and Mello decided he liked it when she laughed.

* * *

The following day, Mello found himself standing in Rod's doorway, carrying his bag full of school books that he didn't need, biting his lip waiting for someone to answer the door.

He told himself not to think about Rod and he felt fairly certain that he'd gotten over the man.

"He has a wife." He told himself. "And anyway he's not that attractive."

The door swung open and Aaniyah, dressed in her scrubs let him in.

"Sorry about the haste." She said, grabbing her bag. "I've got to leave. I made some dinner. You can nuke it when Rod needs it. Help yourself to some snacks."

While she rambled about what was where, which she didn't have to since Mello hadn't forgotten his briefing from the day before, Mello heard loud thuds, heavy footsteps on the stairs. He tried to ignore them but he was growing increasingly aware of his presence, Rod's.

"Hey." Rod's voice was rough and chesty.

Mello replied with a small "hi" and a shrug. He kept his back turned at the man. He wasn't sure why. _Am I trying to play hard to get?_ He thought. _Wow, mother, we've hit a new low._

He suddenly didn't want Aaniyah to leave. _Is it too late to say I don't wanna do this?_

Aaniyah hurriedly kissed her husband. It was a fast kiss. It barely touched his lips. He looked like he had wanted more than a rushed goodbye barely-there peck on his lips. The disappointment on his face made Mello turn his head away. It felt like he had seen something he wasn't supposed to, like the breaking of an illusion, like finding out two actors who play lovers on stage actually hate each other's guts.

_So it's a strained marriage?_ He thought. _I guess that's my chance._

He brushed the thought away almost wanting to scold himself for even thinking it.

Somehow he felt as though Rod was aware of his thoughts so he tried to fiddle with a notepad so he could somehow convince Rod he hadn't seen that.

He heard Aaniyah's goodbye, smiled at her and watched the door slam shut. He took a deep breath. Was it just him or was there a tension in the room? It was just him. It had to be.

"So, got any homework?"

"I'm done with it." Mello replied, still fidgeting with the note pad.

He heard Rod's little laugh and looked up.

"What're you an A grade student?" His tone dripped of mockery.

"A+ actually."

"Really?" The mockery had gotten worse now and Mello didn't bother to hide his irritation. "Wow! You must be fun at parties."

"Hey! I am a fun!" Mello declared, offended.

"Good to know." Rod slumped onto his couch and pulled out a box of cigarettes. "So what do you do for fun?"

Mello frowned for a bit. What did he do for fun? All he could ever recall doing for fun for the past few months was drinking and jacking himself off alone. But that wasn't even an answer and he wasn't even sure anymore if it was fun.

"That's none of your business." He finally replied.

Rod threw his hair up in the air. "I get it. I get it. High school parties. Going off to hang out at some friend of a friend's cabin or whatever. And you don't want me telling your parents right?"

"Not really." Mello sat on the single chair next to the couch Rod was seated in. "Can't really do all that in high school."

"Why not?" Rod let out a surprised laugh. "You can only do that stuff when you're in high school."

"Really?" Mello cocked a brow. "'Cause from where I'm standing all I see is a lot of people who wait like vultures to find one tiny little scandalous piece of information about you and exploit the hell out of once they find it. No privacy. No maturity. Just a whole lot of people waiting to fuck you over. And what happens when my parents hear about all that? I'd be dead." He shook his head. "I can't take that kind of a risk."

"You're really wound up tight aren't you?" Rod took a deep drag of his cigarette. "But you know what? You're not getting these years back. You should just live a little. What's the worst that could happen?"

_Dad could beat me up,_ Mello thought. _Again._

"I'm not sure." He said. "But I can't really risk having vultures spill beans to my parents. Maybe I have trust issues or I'm just too cautious. Whatever it is. I can't do any of those things with people at school. Plus they're incredibly dull and dumb."

A silence fell between them in which Mello wondered if he had revealed too much of himself, if he had somehow disillusioned the man of the idea of a perky fun hot young blonde. He needed the silence to break and soon. He could feel an embarrassing word vomit just boiling in his throat. He just knew it'd be a failed attempt at recovering from the shit awful weird picture he'd just painted of himself but if the silence persisted then his need to not be on the failing end will just make him vomit those words out. And then this'd all just be beyond fixing.

"Well, I'm not from your highschool." Rod said, as Mello let out a sigh of relief. "I'm not going to tell anyone if you go out and have some fun. And I know," He threw his hands up again, head tilting a bit to the side. "I know I'm not your age or anything but I can't just sit around watch a kid let his childhood slip by because the world likes to gossip."

Mello smiled. That was sweet of him to say that. Mello liked it. Was this what Aaniyah saw in him? Was this why she agreed to put up with this massive man child?

"What do you have in mind?" He asked.

He watched Rod, amused with a sweet smile on his face as Rod looked around for an idea. Mello watched as his eyes fell on his hand and stopped.

"Ever smoked a cigarette?" He asked, looking at him from the top of his eyes.

Mello shook his head, let out a little laugh. "No, I haven't."

"Wanna try?"

Rod picked up the box of cigarettes, slapped his palm against the bottom and a cigarette popped out the little hole he had torn on the top of the box. Mello wondered if smoking had always looked this cool.

"I'm not sure if I should." Mello shifted in his seat. He was smiling like a school girl. Was he already smitten with the man? "I don't want my mum to smell it on me."

"Tell her I was smoking." He said without hesitation.

"Oh wow!" Mello laughed. "So you, a grown up, are telling me to lie to my mother."

"Have you never lied to her?"

"No, of course I have." Mello grinned brushing a hand between them. "I've just never had someone actually tell me to do it. Specifically not someone grown up and married and all that."

"I'm not asking you to smoke the whole pack." Rod held the box out to him. "I'm saying, try one. If you don't like it, don't do it anymore. But make sure you know what it's like. That's what life is about; experience. You can't sit around in fear watching your life pass you by."

"And what if I like it?" Mello asked.

"I'm not sure what happens then." Rod shook his head. "But I'm dying to find out. Aren't you?"

Mello pulled the cigarette out of the box and twisted it between his fingers, smiling down at it. He wanted to try it. He wanted to try everything. He'd always wanted to, like the time he'd seen the colorful looking medicine in the cupboard under the sink when he was six, like the time he'd watched his mother put on make-up when he was eight, like the time he'd found his brother's condoms and couldn't help but try one on and like the time he'd realized they sold flavored lube and he simply had to buy it.

He pressed the cigarette between his lips, eyes fixed on Rod as the man leaned over to light his cigarette. There was something almost intimate about someone lighting your cigarette that made Mello's heart race a little.

"Now deep drag and let it out."

The smoke hit Mello's throat like knives and tears blurred out Rod's intricate Persian carpet as he tried his best not to cough.

"Hey hey!" Rod leaned forward. His hand fell right below Mello's nape and the heat made Mello wish the circumstances were different. "Cough it out."

Mello obliged, immediately and gratefully.

"I'm sorry." His voice rasped when he spoke. He hoped it'd sound better by the time he got home.

"Oh c'mon!" Rod laughed. "The first time is almost always terrible. I was just worried you'd blow up like a balloon. You're so red right now."

Mello smiled through tears. "May I have another drag?"

"It's all yours."

This time Mello was more aware of Rod's hand still on his back. He took a deep drag, let it flow all the way in and come out in a rough puff of smoke.

Rod's hand was still on his back, caressing now. Mello half wished it'd travel lower down his back and half wished it'd leave him be entirely.

"Feel better now?" Rod asked. His voice was softer now. It made Mello look up at him.

Mello smiled and took another drag. "Yeah. I'm better now."

He had thought Rod's hand would part from his back once he'd made sure Mello was okay but much to Mello's dismay and delight it didn't. It stayed there on his back, caressing.

He could feel his breath getting hoarse and heavy and hot. His eyes rose curiously to find Rod's face. Was he the only one who felt the heat? Or was it Rod too?

The answer was a knowing smile from Rod a slow deliberate glance at Mello's lips and before Mello could stop himself from sending the right signal, he ran a tongue over his lips, instantly regretting it, knowing Rod would take it to mean that he had a chance, which he did, but Mello wasn't sure he wanted him to have a chance at all.

"Thanks for that." Mello put out his cigarette and smiled at Rod, hoping words would stop things from happening. "I've kinda always wanted to smoke. Learn some smoke tricks and all."

Rod's hand wasn't leaving his back. He wondered if he ought to shake it off but somehow he wanted it to stay there or go away on its own.

His hand slipped a little and made mello's back straighten along with the hair on it.

"I could show you a smoke trick." Mello wished Rod's voice would stop being so soft. It turned something in his core, made him ache to sit on Rod's lap, to spread his legs, eat or be eaten.

"Yeah?" Mello whispered. The man was barely a couple of inches from him.

Rod pulled the cigarette gently from between Mello's fingers, took a deep drag and blew it at Mello's lips. Mello inhaled and exhaled, hearing his heart beat in his ears. His eyes met Rods and he just knew what to expect next.

"Well!" Mello looked away and stood up so suddenly he almost knocked his shoulder into Rod's face. "I'll heat up the dinner."

He smiled at Rod and hurried to the kitchen.

"What am I doing?" He asked the fridge. "What the fuck am I doing?"

His breathing was so hard he worried his mum would hear him all the way in the next house. He stared at the fridge worriedly for a good five minutes before remembering what he came to do.

He pulled out the food, in a cute homely bowl, neatly wrapped in plastic food wrap, with a nice little sticky note on it, with Aaniyah's taunting beautiful cursive writing on it.

It said, "This is dinner. Heat it at medium for 5 minutes. Thank you Mello" followed by a small smiley face.

His heart raced, though it seemed to have stopped pumping blood altogether, opting for a neat high dose of guilt instead. Mello shut his eyes.

"I can't be wanting this." He told himself. "I can't want this."

"Everything okay in there?" He heard Rod call.

"Yeah yeah!" He shouted back. "Dinner will be ready in no time."

He heated it up too much he wasn't sure how. He barely recalled if he had set the table but somehow he had.

"You didn't set a plate for yourself." Rod pointed out as Mello forked food onto Rod's plate.

"I'll eat at home." Mello kept his eyes on Rod's plate afraid to meet the man's eyes. "Mum would be waiting."

"Aaniyah said you'd be eating here."

Mello's eyes shot up. _How can he so offhandedly mention his wife when after what happened? _He wondered. _Am I overreacting? Did that just happen? What if I made more of an issue of it than it is?_

"That was the agreement." Mello nodded. "But I'm not hungry at the moment. So I'll just eat at home."

Rod dropped the subject and Mello was glad he did. He sat across from him, making sure he wasn't too close. Mello knew he'd want to pick up where they'd left off if he gave in to the temptation and sat too close, accidentally rubbed legs together, anything at all. And that wasn't right. That's not what's supposed to happen.

"Married men aren't supposed to ogle at people." He'd told Rod the first time they'd met. This was more than ogling. But oh god it felt good to have someone tell him to do what he wants, experience life and everything he wanted.

Mello took a deep breath. He'd decided. This wasn't going to happen. It wasn't that big of a deal anyway. It wasn't like Mello liked him all that much anyway. It was nothing. Absolutely nothing.

He sat in silence as Rod ate, watching as he cut his food apart, forked it up and swallowed it down. There was something so controlled and composed about the man. Did he not feel bad for being so blatantly obvious with him?

He seemed to not care at all.

Once Rod was done, Mello picked up the plates and took them back to the kitchen and thought it best to wash them before the food dried up on them. He could tell Rod was standing in the doorway watching him.

"Is there anything you need?" Mello asked without meeting the man's eyes.

"No." Rod said. "But is there something you want?"

"No." Mello answered with a tight jaw.

"You look like you want something." Rod said.

Mello's eyes flickered towards Rod but he turned them away before he could meet Rod's. "No. Nothing."

He heard as Rod entered the kitchen and wondered if Rod had ever before stepped into a kitchen. Mello continued to soap up the dishes, cleaning them, washing them and then leaving them to dry.

He could tell Rod was standing behind him but he didn't dare look back.

Mello felt his large hands crawl lightly around his hips. The water was running and Mello's hands were soapy but he wasn't really doing the dishes anymore. He was just standing there, staring at the white plate with blue floral patterns and the dirty soapy sponge in his hand and no matter how much he urged himself his hand didn't move against the plate. He didn't scrub it, just held the sponge against the plate.

Rod closed in behind him. Both his hands were now on Mello's belly over his shirt, one of them threatening to creep underneath it. Mello told himself to shake him off. His touch was still light, there was no force in it. Mello could easily shake him off. It wouldn't have been a problem. But he didn't want to shake him off. Still, he braced himself to do it. And just as he was about to Rod's crotch pressed against his derriere. He gasped. His eyes now fixated on the checkerboard wall tiles behind the sink. His brows betrayed his composure and creased with worry. But his eyes were all lust and his lips parted, chest heaving.

He felt Rod's chest push into his back, pushing his body into the sink and the cabinet below it.

"There're things you want." Rod whispered in his ear and Mello's felt his derriere rub against Rod's crotch. His lips parted and his chest felt heavy. "It's so obvious in the way you move, in the way you talk. You try and hide it and yet it spills from your body." Rod's hand crept under Mello's shirt, large enough that Mello felt he could feel him all over with just one hand effortlessly. He left trails of fire everywhere he touched. "You try and hide but it spills in your silence, from your eyes." Mello felt Rod's tongue on his ear and let out a soft moan. The man's lips travelled to his neck and Mello could feel himself getting aroused. "You wanted it last time we met. You still want it now, don't you?" Mello just breathed hard. He thought of the time he'd wanted to use a bottle of beer as a toy. He thought of how much he'd wanted to feel someone inside him. He felt himself pulsate in his pants. "Stop me."

_I can stop this if I want to. _Mello thought. _…if I want to…if…_

He didn't. Rod's other hand rubbed over the side of his hip over and over, running down his thigh every now and then, and Mello couldn't help but rub his derriere slowly against the man's crotch. He still held onto the plate and the sponge, hands still soapy wet. Rod's hand rubbed the insides of his thighs and Mello let his legs spread a little.

"Sometimes you should let yourself have what you want," Rod whispered. "Especially when it's within your grasp." He grabbed Mello's crotch and Mello 's head flew back, crashing against Rod's rock hard chest. Mello squirmed his back against the man's chest but he didn't dare look up at the man lest he saw the worry in his eyes along with the gut wrenching, maddening need for caresses, mad rough love and the taste of something dirty.

Rod rubbed Mello's crotch in his hand. The boy was so much smaller than him, he was sure he could reach over and caress between his butt cheeks. It excited him, reminded him of when he'd first met Aaniyah. She'd been young, wound up tight, confident and needy, oh so needy, always wanting to feel loved and nothing made her feel it more than when he was rough with her.

That had faded over the years. She'd found out too much about him. He had to start over and god did he crave something as sweet as her loud moans – no – anyone's moans. Anyone he could bring alive with touch, sweet words, and some dirty thrashing. The boy was a sight. He'd been testing Rod's patience all evening, with his small petite frame, hips that swayed shamelessly and an innocence that just ached to be turned into something wild and free. And now that Rod had him in his arms, he felt alive again, dull grey neat sophistication was slowly turning into something more spontaneous and colorful, something hotter and wetter.

Mello's hair smelled of berries, Rod loved the way it messed up against his chest as the boy squirmed. He unbuttoned Mello's pants, the boy just squirmed against him, letting out small tempting whimpers. _Don't you worry. _Rod thought. _The wait will be over soon. _

He pushed a hand into the boy's pants and was met with a gasp.

"Stop me." He said one last time.

The plate slipped immediately from Mello's hand he let his hand reach behind him as if to push Rod away, and the second he did, Mello grabbed his belt hoop, felt his way around to the button and undid it.

_Mother, I'm going to be your greatest disappointment. _Mello thought.

Rod's pants dropped to the floor. He pulled on Mello's with a little difficulty but when they were down Rod could see and feel, in his hand, that the boy was rock hard, pre-cum beading on his head. Rod kissed the boy's shoulder running kisses up his neck, listening as Mello's whimpers got needier. He roughly pushed the boy's head down into the sink, spanked his derriere once and pushed himself against Mello's body.

Mello smelled soap, his hair was soaking in some leftover water in the sink, and the soap on the plate he'd let slip. He was still holding the sponge in one hand, he gripped it tighter. Rod's hand was between his butt cheeks, circling his hole. Mello panted into the sink, trying not to beg the man to just stop teasing and push himself in. He could feel Rod's hard manhood against one of his cheeks and he found it hard to believe that just the day before, absolutely no one had touched him this way.

Rod pushed his manhood into the boy, and the room came alive with one deep moan. Rod went slow. The boy was small and tight, and needed time to get adjusted.

"Oh!" Mello gasped as Rod slowly retreated out of him.

"Ah!" As Rod went in again.

They all said things about the first time being special, with someone you loved. Mello didn't truly care about that. He just wanted the excitement, the fun of it, the feeling of skin against skin, bodies colliding. He just wanted it to be fun, didn't matter who or where or how, so long as he enjoyed himself. And this was sinfully fun, wrong, so wrong, but so exciting. His senses were full of mixed emotions. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this overwhelmed. His lips were curling into a smile despite his protests. He felt invaded and somehow he loved it.

"Yes! Fuck me!" Mello moaned before he'd realized what he'd said. His face turned a deep shade of red.

"Yeah?" Rod asked. Mello could tell his teeth were grinding together. "What did you say?"

Mello didn't dare repeat himself.

"What'd you say huh?" The man pushed into him harder.

"OH GOD!" Mello moaned.

"Say it again." Rod urged. "C'mon boy, say it again."

He grabbed a fistful of Mello's hair and pulled gently.

"What do you want me to do?" He asked, still pounding into Mello.

"Fuck me!" Mello moaned. "Fuck me! Fuck me!"

Rod grabbed onto Mello's hips and pushed into him, harder, faster now.

"OH YES!" Mello almost screamed, bursting with pleasure. The man kept pounding. Mello grabbed onto the side of the sink to stop his head from hitting against the faucet. Rod pounded away, reaching around for Mello's manhood and rubbing it gently.

Mello felt his eyes roll back into his head, a smile plastered on his face.

"Oh god yes." He mumbled. "Don't stop. Don't stop. Fuck fuck fuck."

He found himself pushing against Rod when Rod slowed down and didn't meet the speed he wanted him to be at. His upper lip curled, but he couldn't tell if it was disgust or pleasure.

Rod pumped at him, laying kisses on his back every now and then until Mello's moans filled the air, along with all the nasty indecipherable words pouring from his lips. Mello could feel himself reach his limits. Everything he said sounded worse, more agonized, needier. He kept reaching back to scratch Rod's skin.

"Oh god take me all the way." He mumbled. "Yes, make me ah! Give me, yes yes. More more more. Fuck yeah. I'm gnna-"

He threw his head back, felt a familiar heat pour from him, let out one final echoing moan.

A hot mess dribbled between his thighs. Rod was done too.

Mello felt worry creep back into his eyes.

_Mother, I'm going to be your greatest disappointment. _He thought.

Rod slipped out of him. He could hear the man gathering up his pants and as he pulled himself back up he placed a kiss on Mello's derriere.

Mello just stood there, jaw clenched. His hair was matted against his forehead. He wasn't sure if it was his sweat causing that or the soapy water his hair had soaked up. He timidly pulled his pants up, his legs wouldn't stop shivering.

For some reason Mello couldn't figure out what the appropriate thing to do afterwards was. What was he to do? Give the man a kiss? Tell him "that was great. Let's do it again sometime"? Instead he pretended nothing had happened and went back to the last plate in the sink.

"Hey." Rod's hand was on his shoulder. "Wind down. It's alright."

Mello pretended he didn't feel the man's hand, pretended he had heard nothing.

Once he was done, he walked past Rod without so much as a glance and picked up his bag.

"I'm going home now." He said. "Mum would worry if I'm too late."

He could feel Rod's eyes on him, but he kept his fixed on the floor as he turned the handle on the door and walked out. He walked briskly away from the pristine house, feeling hot tears well up in his eyes but he wasn't sure why. Afterall, he had done everything he had wanted.

_Mother, I'm going to be your greatest disappointment. _He thought.


	3. Chapter 3: The Boy with Bottle Green Eye

His legs hurt the next morning and, understandably, he wanted to stay glued to his bed, in the comfort of his room, blanket wrapped over his head like a warm womb and a pillow in his arms, that he could pretend was a trusted lover, as much a part of him as his own beating heart.

He could hear his name being called, but he wasn't ready to be born yet. At first he thought it was Rod and the thought of the man only made him want to curl up further. Gradually however the voice changed, a better known and well-loved voice, a lullaby that had made him feel safe many a time.

"Mihael!"

He sat up straight in the bed, brows bending in worry, chest heaving and his heart hammering in his chest like a drum that made him sweat. His mother never called him Mihael until it was serious. Had she found out? Had Rod said something to Aaniyah? Was she down there too? He mentally prepared himself for his mother's disappointment. She'd be heart broken. She loved him so. He was her heart, her armor, her reason. What would it feel to be disappointed in him? His legs felt like lead but he didn't dare make her wait. If she called from the depths of hell, he'd still go running to her.

"Mihael I need you down here this instant."

Her voice was final. He had to move and fast, before his dad lost his temper. And that was always a thing to behold. His mother didn't deserve to be alone when he got angry. He rushed downstairs, hair still messy and unkempt. With the kind of conversation he expected downstairs, he didn't think the state of his hair mattered much. Much to his surprise his brother was seated at the dining table with his mother. Had he been called home too? The jests he'd make. The way he'd laugh at him.

"You called?" He asked his mum trying not to bite his tongue off.

"Yes, sweetie." She smiled at him. "Your aunt is very ill. She's been taken to the hospital. Your dad and I are going to drive over and see if we can help in any way. Cedric came home to look after you. We'll be gone for a couple of days."

"When? What?" Mello shook his head for a bit. "I have questions."

"Do you?" His father looked at him through his lashes.

"Yes. When did this happen?"

"Late last night." His mother set a bowl of cereal in front of him. "You had just gotten home and gone to bed. You looked exhausted and I didn't wanna bother. We were just waiting for Cedric to get home."

Mello nodded at his brother. Cedric nodded back.

Cedric was four years older than Mello. He looked a lot like Mello and his mother, pale skin, round face, blonde hair, but he had their father's eyes, thick eyebrows and a bigger frame. They had been close when they were younger, but with time Cedric had become an older brother instead of a friend.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you." Mello said. "But since when do I need a babysitter?"

"Since your mother decided you did." His father said. "And he's your brother, not your babysitter."

Mello nodded. "Sorry." It was best not to argue with his father.

It wasn't long before his mother was saying goodbye to him at the front door while his father waited in the car.

"What's with him today?" Mello asked, glancing at the car.

"It's his sister." His mother smiled sweetly at him. "He's just worried. Promise me you'll be good."

"Of course I will." Mello smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "Go before he gets mad."

She said goodbye and left. Mello stood at the front door, waving for a bit before going back in.

"Welcome home." He said to his brother. "I need to get dressed for school. What're you planning on doing today?"

"I was thinking inviting a few friends over, having ourselves a little party." Cedric smiled at him.

Mello shook his head smiling. "I'm not supposed to tell mum and dad right?"

"Not only that," Cedric raised eyebrows as if he was going to make the best proposition in the world. "You get to be invited."

"Really?!" Mello feigned excitement. He'd never been invited to his brother's parties before, something about him being too young.

"You turned sixteen a couple of months ago. Think of it as a belated birthday gift." Cedric continued. "Jason has a brother your age. He's coming over too."

"Jason is in town?" Mello liked Jason. Mello had had a crush on Jason long before he knew what crushing on someone meant. Mello remembered being able to talk about nothing but him. Jason had taught him how to roller blade. Jason, Cedric and he had ridden their bikes together, picked berries out of people's gardens together. Somehow Jason's brother had never been with them. In fact, Jason never spoke of his brother and it had come as a surprise to Mello when he had found out that he had a brother around the time Cedric had left for college.

But all that was years ago and now Mello just saw a very good – attractive – friend in Jason. He was just a great guy overall, a great sense of humor, a great zest for life and a greatly accepting positive attitude. Mello hadn't seen him in a long time, not since he and Cedric had left for the same college. Cedric lived with Jason and his little brother, who as Mello recalled being told by his father, had come out to his parents around the time Cedric and Jason had moved out and had gotten kicked out, understandably and deservingly according to his father, only to be taken in by Jason, much to his father's disgust.

Mello was jealous of Jason's brother, whatever his name was. Not because he got to live with Jason but because he had a brother like him. He could never picture Cedric doing the same for him. That could never happen. In this family it was every one for themselves, and his mother was the only one who didn't follow that rule, which made Mello the second to break the rule for her sake, but only for her.

"Jason and I, saw an opportunity and came together." Cedric nodded. "So party tonight. Play hooky. Stay home. Help me prepare. You're going to run late as it is."

Mello smiled. He was tempted. He didn't have to go over to Aaniyah's house today. It'd be great to see Jason as well. It'd also be better than sitting in class thinking about the previous night's events but he decided to go anyway. He had a lot of thoughts to process anyway.

* * *

The day had been a tiring beyond comprehension. He had spent the whole day wondering if ever passing person who so much as glanced at him somehow knew what he had done. He was glad to be heading home. A part of him felt strangely accomplished, like the time he'd gotten away with pranking his principal for the first time. Another part of him was drowning in fear of everyone finding out, totally unlike the time he'd pranked the principal.

But after much thought he had come to the conclusion that for Rod this was a comparatively much smaller thing than it was to him. Why else would he be so nonchalant? It made Mello feel a little sick but he thought perhaps he wasn't the first person Rod had cheated on his wife with. He felt uncomfortable and used, but he decided that so long as he had gotten away with it, he didn't have to think about it. After all, if it was no big deal to Rod, it needn't be a big deal to him. Why should he care? Perhaps this little kick would be enough for him to actually have an active sex life. Perhaps that's what he needed. A little push into the world he'd been standing on the brink of.

It didn't feel right but he just had to stop thinking about it, didn't he?

In any case, Cedric's college friends and their college friends and their college friends would be all over the house by now and that was a welcome distraction. A house full of strangers he'd probably never see again. He needed that. He needed to feel like what he does, or has done won't come back to bite him in the ass.

What he needed more, however, was a little of the in and out. He hadn't stopped thinking about it, to the point of wondering if he'd have the chance to go to the lavatory to jack himself off. He hadn't. It was an actual nightmare. One minute he could smell the dishwashing soap in his hair, he could feel the ache in his legs, the stretch of his muscles and it was exciting, arousing, too much not to moan, but the next minute his heart was heavy with guilt and fear.

The whole day had been like sitting on both ends of the see-saw at the same time and he was so exhausted from all the overthinking. Maybe he just needed to get back out there, have another little episode with someone else, something good and hopefully not something that'd make him ache with guilt. Maybe the memory would fade along with the taint. And then he could just move on, pretend it never happened.

That's what Mello had decided when he walked back to his house, glancing at Rod's house for a second. Aaniyah was home today. He could see her by the dinner table. He could see Rod standing behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Mello didn't feel jealous and he was glad. It was decided. He just needed to forget about it.

He had to push past a couple making out in the doorway to get into his house and maneuvering inside the house didn't look any easier.

He craned his neck to look for Jason. His need to see Jason was two-fold. First of all, Jason was great. Mello wanted nothing from him. Just seeing him was blissful enough. And Secondly, Mello would hopefully get a good reading on his brother's plans for the night from Jason. Then he could go find a college boy disconnected from Cedric, get laid and move on. It was risky but it would be worth it. Doing it by himself was no longer going to work.

But first, he needed to find Jason.

His eyes went over a circle of boys and girls playing strip poker. He watched as one of the guys reluctantly pulled his pants off. Mello watched the guy's legs before moving on.

Mello's gaze stopped doing a quick turn of the room as his eyes fell on a boy in the corner of the room, taking a deep drag of his cigarette with his eyes fixed on Mello like a vulture. Mello squinted at him before turning away. He squeezed his way to the kitchen hoping to find Jason there. He pushed past a group of people playing beer pong at the kitchen island and squirmed his way into the dining room. There were a few people having idle chit chat and a couple of girls making out in the corner. Mello bothered to watch the girls longer than the rest. A group was seated on the floor playing black jack. No Jason.

Mello frowned and turned around. _The Patio! _He thought. _I should check the patio!_

He squeezed back through the people, into the kitchen and out into the hall when he bumped his head into someone's. Mello looked up from the floor he'd been staring at. It was the boy from the living room. Bottle green eyes stared back at him.

"Sorry." Mello whispered before squeezing past him, though he doubted that the guy could hear him over the loud music.

_Did he follow me in? _Mello thought before turning around for a last look. The boy was still in the doorway. His eyes darted away as soon as Mello's met his. Mello frowned a little and pushed his way to the back, through the full length windows and onto the patio. He looked around from one end of the small back garden to the other. There was nothing by the grill, nothing by the old swing, nothing by the fence, except maybe a couple getting down.

Mello rolled his eyes and forced his way back in frowning. If he had at least run into Cedric, he'd have found Jason by now. Defeated, Mello got himself a drink from the kitchen. The boy with the bottle green eyes was no longer there. He sat himself down on the bottom stairs and sipped on his drink alone.

_Fun party, Cedric, you ass wipe! _He thought bitterly.

"Hi."

Mello looked up and found the same bottle green eyes staring down at him. This time the boy managed a smile. His lips were red and chapped. His skin was freckled and he had hair that could put fire to shame. He held his hand out to Mello.

"Hi." Mello took his hand. He figured the boy was a freshman at college. He seemed younger than most of the people there.

Mello watched as the boy shuffled to his side. He had tall knee length boots on, tattered ripped jeans, a black and white striped shirt and what seemed to be biker goggles around his neck.

"So, you know anyone at the party?" He asked him with a small smile and eyes that didn't truly meet his for longer than a second.

"No." Mello replied. "You?"

"Me neither." He smiled more fully at him. "I was dragged here."

_Freshman. _Mello thought. _So Cedric wouldn't know him. And Cedric isn't around. And he seems interested, doesn't he?_

"I actually don't even go to the college." The boy continued, sipping on his own drink.

_Perfect. _Mello thought.

"I'm in high school."

Mello did a double take.

"I've never seen you at my school."

"Not here. I live near the college. I'm not from around here."

_So Cedric definitely doesn't know him. _Mello thought.

"Wait, you said you haven't seen me at your school?" The boy grinned at him. "You're in highschool?"

Mello nodded smiling at him. He bothered to glance at the boy's chapped lips. The redhead instantly pursed them to run a tongue over them. There was a little silence.

"So umm," The redhead sipped on his drink to buy himself some time. "Do you like school?"

"You're not seriously talking about this." Mello rolled his eyes. "Is this your first time doing this?"

The boy let out a little laugh.

"Around this time, the other person tells me how cute they think I am for not knowing how to do this." He grinned. Mello decided he liked the little barely noticeable freckle that sat close to the left corner of his lip, on the borderline, half on his red lip and half on his pale skin. "And then they take the lead from me."

Mello shook his head. "It's time to step up and take the wheel." He got up and smiled down at the boy, who stared at him through flaming red bangs that somehow Mello wanted to run his fingers through, just to see if they were as hot as they looked. "Because I'm going to walk away now and I won't stop until you step up your game."

He caught a glimpse of the boy's lips parting, his brow cocking slightly, but his eyes stayed fixed on Mello, like in a trance.

Mello turned and walked away smiling. It was always strangely satisfying to have that effect on people. He turned his thoughts back to Jason. Maybe Cedric was back, with Jason. Mello took a turn around the living room. No Jason anywhere.

"Hey wait a minute!" The boy grabbed Mello's hand. "I got this."

Mello smiled at him slightly, waiting to see what the boy would say.

"Les-bi-honest," He grinned. "You were checking me out."

Mello blinked at him twice in disbelief before he burst out laughing. It was so excruciatingly dumb. He laughed the way he couldn't remember laughing with another human being for a long time. He instinctively placed a hand on the boy's shoulder rubbing his collar bone with his thumb.

The boy just watched him with a sheepish grin and raised brows, clearly proud of the effect he'd had on him.

"How did I do?" He asked.

"That was terrible!" Mello exclaimed. "I loved it! Keep going before you lose my attention."

"I'm Matt." He held his hand out again.

"I'm Mello." Mello took it.

"Remember my name." Matt said. "You'll want to scream it later."

"Whatever you say, Matt." Mello burst out laughing again and rolled his eyes, looking around the room in disbelief. Where did the boy get those lines from?

There was a short silence but somehow Mello didn't want the lull to last.

"So what do you do in your free time?" He asked Matt. Clearly he was just as bad as this as Matt.

"Oh I raise poultry." Matt smiled at him. "Y'know? I raise cocks."

Mello laughed and pushed at Matt's arm gently. He felt his cheeks go red. "Stop it now."

"Oh but someone told me that I should keep it interesting." Matt said. "I'm just trying to perfect my strokes."

Mello lay a light slap across his face, hoping he wouldn't mind.

"Oooh! Kinky!" Matt exclaimed looking pleased with himself. "So you're into that kind of thing huh?"

Mello lightly punched him in the chest. "Stop it!" He laughed feeling so much like a school girl, carefree and full of spirits. He felt the boy's arm curl around his waist as he leaned on the boy to laugh. Matt's touch was light and just grazing his back. His breath seemed to stop when he felt Matt's hot cheek next to his, lightly touching his. Mello pulled away a little to find the redhead's eyes glued to his. The boy licked his lips and leaned in.

"I'm not out." Mello said pulling away from him. He wondered what had made him so honest suddenly. He panicked. Maybe the boy would lose interest in him now. What kid his age isn't out yet? And who would want that kind of restricted strange baggage heavy relationship with someone, even if it was purely physical?

"Oh!" Matt's hand slithered off his back. "I didn't know. That was wrong. Being so public without knowing what your situation was."

Mello shook his head and smiled at him. "It's fine. Don't worry. Just, not here. Not with everyone around."

There was another lull. Mello smiled at him and looked around the room.

"There isn't anyone on the patio." He told Matt.

"We should go there then." Matt replied with a small smile.

Mello led him through the passage around the people, by the staircase and to the back of the house, through the full length windows and out onto the patio.

Mello sat down on the patio chair, the boy followed.

"So you live in Esterloch?" Mello asked. "You said close to the college."

"Yeah." Matt nodded. "I just came here with someone."

"Y'know," Mello fidgeted with his shoelaces. "I'm not looking for anything long term."

He looked at the boy hoping to read his mind through his eyes. Matt smiled knowingly at him.

"Me neither."

* * *

Mello kept a firm grip on the boy's wrist while rushing upstairs.

"Hey! Where's the fire?" He heard a girl yell as he rushed past him, almost spilling her drink.

Mello swung the door to his room open and almost threw the redhead in. He shut the door behind him.

"This is a nice room." Matt said looking around.

Mello rushed at him, taking his freckled face in his hands and pressing their lips together, feeling chipped skin scratch against his lips. He felt the boy gasp but Mello didn't let go. He weighed onto Matt so that Matt had to walk backwards until he stumbled and fell onto his bed.

Mello place his knees on either sides of Matt's thighs and pulled his shirt over his head.

Matt licked his lips. He didn't want them to be chapped when Mello's lips met his the second time. He let his hands wander over the blonde's thighs, aware of the blue eyes on him, and rubbed Mello's crotch through his pants. He kept his eyes on Mello's face, as he had done all night.

It was hard to look away. Matt loved reading people and the second his eyes had fallen on Mello he'd had the feeling that this was the face he wanted to become obsessed with, until he was spent at least. All things that escalated fast ended fast. He knew this. He'd come to the party with the sole intention of letting something escalate fast, end fast and be over and done.

He wanted something simple and clear. He was so sick and tired of everything being complicated and tiring. His brain was in knots, had been in knots for weeks. He needed to know that something as simple as a little fuck between two people could happen without any kind of bullshit. And that's the only reason he'd bothered to follow his brother from Esterloch to Cordale. He hated being in Cordale otherwise. The blonde was the perfect candidate. He seemed clear and honest. He wanted just what Matt wanted. And for the time being Matt was really enjoying his temporary obsession.

He watched as the boy's head leaned backwards, as his peachy lips slipped between his teeth. He watched as the boy slid his hands over his sides, over his nipples, into his hair and up in the air. His blonde hair spilled from his hands and fell neatly around his jaw again.

Matt smiled up at him. He was beautiful. Matt wondered how red his pale skin would get with passing time. He wondered at the obscenities he'd moan and he couldn't wait to hear it all.

Matt slipped his hands onto Mello's derriere and watched as the blonde gave him a naughty little smile. Matt pulled at him, and Mello took the hint and shuffled closer to Matt's head. Matt unbuttoned Mello's black jeans and pulled on them.

"Wait." Matt said. "I've got it here somewhere."

He reached between Mello's legs and down into his back pockets and pulled out a silver condom packet.

Mello felt a little panic when he realized Rod hadn't done that.

_He should have, right? _Mello thought before brushing the thought away. It'd be forgotten soon enough.

"May I?" Matt smiled up at him before rolling the condom onto Mello's hard member.

He then propped himself onto his elbows and with bottle green eyes fixed on Mello, he took Mello in his mouth. Mello eyelids drooped and his lips shamelessly parted. This was new and it was great. He felt himself swell in the boy's mouth. The boy's soft small moans were dancing up his spine. The sound of his wet mouth was sweetly crawling down the gap between his thighs. Mello ran a hand through Matt's hair, pushing the flames back to he could get a better view of his eyes. The fluorescent light shone in his green eyes but they stayed firmly and shamelessly fixed on Mello's. Mello smiled down at him through parted lips and rolled his tongue over his lips. The boy bobbed his head, occasionally shutting his eyes and really getting into it, reshuffling his fingers at the base of Mello's member and looking up at Mello again to check how he was doing.

Mello's breathing got heavier with every stroke soon without noticing he was pushing himself further down Matt's throat, matching his strokes. He could hear the boy struggle but when he looked down he realized the boy was enjoying it.

Mello grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him off.

"Its time." He said before planting a kiss on Matt's slippery wet lips. His breath was ragged. Mello crawled further onto the bed on all fours. Matt rolled onto him, planting wet kissed on his shoulder and his spine. He pressed his clothed crotch against Mello's derriere.

Mello let out a moan, letting his head fall between his arms.

"No." He said. "Not like this."

He turned around, careful not to hit Matt with his feet and spread his legs around Matt's.

"I want to see you." He said. "I wanna look at your eyes when you fuck me."

Matt smirked down at him and gave him a little kiss. He dug into his back pocket and then his front pocket till he managed to pull out another condom. Mello vaguely wondered how many he carried around.

"Hurry up." He urged, pulling on Matt's thighs with his legs.

"Easy, princess!" The boy kissed him again, wet and deep. "Why don't you show me how you touch yourself while I take these off, hmm?"

Mello felt himself blush. He'd never imagined showing anyone how he touched himself. Wouldn't it be a little strange? A little unchaste? Wasn't it a little too late to think that? He looked up at Matt as he shuffled off the bed and unbuttoned his pants, eyes still glued to Mello.

"Go on." He urged.

There was a first time for everything. The first time Mello had ridden a bike, he'd been five. It was a blue bike, a boy's bike, like his father had said. He'd fallen over. Cedric had laughed and fallen off his own black bike. Jason had pulled him back up to his feet and told him to try again. He'd failed a dozen more times. The first time he'd been asked out was when he was fourteen. The girl had claimed to be madly in love with him. Mello had kissed her just to know what kissing felt like. It hadn't lasted long. He was too distant. The first time he'd watched porn was on his brother's laptop. Cedric had left it on. Cedric had been watching three girls in a hot tub. Mello had found a website he didn't mind exploring later on his own computer. Mello's choice had been a threesome with two men and a girl. The first time he'd touched himself was only half a year ago. He had imitated something he'd seen in a porn movie. Fast strokes and a lack of lube. It hadn't felt good. The first time he'd had an orgasm was the third time he'd tried masturbating. Baby oil had done the trick. He'd finally understood why people did it. He remembered pulsating, thrashing, aching for more and wanting to scream from pleasure. He remembered the exact stains on his bed sheets. He remembered the way the baby oil had seeped between his cheeks. The orgasms that followed slowly diminished in pleasure. But it had always been worth a shot, for those rare moments when they were just as good as the first time.

He didn't expect this to be the first time he'd masturbate in front of someone. But the thought was arousing. The way Matt watched him while he rubbed a hand on his clothed crotch made him feel like a live porn show. The boy licked his lips as Mello squeezed lube onto his hand and reached between his legs for himself. He watched as the boy bit his lips when Mello began pumping himself. He watched as Matt's brows creased with each stroke. He threw his head back.

Pants down and condom on, Matt took his place between Mello's legs. He pulled Mello's hand off his member and entwined their fingers together. Mello's fingers slipped between his. He leaned over him and with his free hand guided himself into Mello.

Mello let out a satisfied sigh mixed with a small whimper as Matt entered him.

"Yes." He whispered watching Matt's bottle green eyes through creased brows.

When Matt started ramming into him, Mello felt every inch of his body come alive and he thanked god for the lack of guilt. He let himself go. He moaned loud thanking Cedric for the music blaring outside in the halls. He thrashed thanking Matt for not going easy on him. He gasped hard thanking the universe for this chance.

Matt leaned in so close to him that Mello thought he'd be able to count all the freckles on his skin. There was a whole galaxy on his shoulders that Mello hadn't explored yet. Mello felt the heat on his skin when he touched Matt's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Matt planted kisses along Mello's neck, his shoulders, chest and nipples. He was pounding too hard. Mello thought he wouldn't be able to stop his legs from shaking when this was done. His brows creased and lips curled in ecstasy.

"Take me." Mello pleaded with Matt. "Take me. Take all of me."

Matt watched as Mello's chest heaved, as his golden hair tussled on the sheets, as he looked away when the pleasure became too much for him. Matt took the chance to bite and lick at the blonde's neck. He inhaled sharply, his moans became louder. His voice was like honey. Matt wanted to see him. He wanted to watch Mello's face contort when he moaned like that. So he gave the boy's neck a break. When Mello's eyes met his eyes again, with a sharp pain in his chest, Matt realized that there were tears pooling in the groove on the top of Mello's nose and running down the corners of his eyes. Suddenly fast wasn't good enough, simple was morphing into complicated. Suddenly he didn't want it to be over. Suddenly once wasn't enough.

He took Mello's lips in another deep kiss and realized his tongue was shivering. Matt dove into his mouth in some kind of attempt to get him to get him to calm down. Mello let him play with his tongue, tasting smoke and nicotine in his mouth.

He pulled away and looked at Mello with questioning eyes.

"I'm fine." Mello smiled, pulling him deeper with his legs. "Don't slow down. Go hard."

Matt obliged, lifting Mello's legs over his head and ramming into him until Mello moaned louder, visibly scrunching up, mouth rolled into an "O", head thrown back.

Mello came suddenly and loudly, grabbing onto Matt's fiery hair and curling his toes. He pulled Matt into his neck. The boy didn't stop ramming into him and that just made Mello feel like he would explode. Matt almost growled when he came, biting too hard onto Mello's ear like his life depended on. He only slowed down after spending himself.

_It's not enough. _Matt thought. He was spent. He was even satisfied but some hole in his heart had opened up again as soon as he was done.

_It's never enough. _Mello thought. He smiled up at him. This was worth it, he knew, but one night was never going to be enough for him.

* * *

Mello's eyes flickered open. What was that? Sunlight? It was warm. The sheets felt good against his bare skin. Matt's breath on his back was sending tingles down his spine.

_Matt. _Mello thought. _Matt?...Matt?!_

Mello sat in his bed and looked at the boy next to him. His hair burned like embers in the sunlight. He was there, alright. And the sun was up. Mello felt his heart in his throat. He shook the boy awake.

"Hey!" He called. "Get up!"

Bottle green eyes lazily flickered open. Matt brushed him away.

"Matt!" He almost yelled. "Get the hell up!"

"What? Why?" The boy sat up lazily rubbing his eyes.

"You've got to get out." Mello said urgently. "Remember what I said about me not being out? No one here should see us. No one should know, okay? I can get into a lot of trouble." He grabbed the boy's wrists. "Do you understand me?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah I got it."

He seemed to move faster. Mello reached for his pants on the floor and pulled them up his waist, watching Matt do the same. He was trying to memorize his legs, his pelvic bones, his outtie navel, his dark, maroon nipples, jutting collar bones, the constellations on his skin. When Mello's eyes reached his face, he realized Matt was smiling at him.

"I had a good time." Matt said. "A really good time."

"Me too." Mello smiled.

Matt grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer. Their chests slapped together.

"Matt this is not the time." He said.

"It's 8 in the morning." Matt said. "No one's awake this early after a party. Please relax. You'll be fine. I won't tell anyone."

Mello smiled at him and before he knew it Matt's lips were against his. His kiss was as smoky as it had been the previous night. His tongue was also as teasing as the night before.

"Matt?" The door swung open.

Mello's head turned so hard towards the door that he was sure he had cracked his neck.

Jason stood the doorway wide and green eyes looking shocked and a little confused. Cedric was leaning in right beside him. Mello's eyes locked onto Cedric's. Mello could practically feel his body on fire, his heart hammering in his chest, bile turning in his stomach.

"uh.." Jason looked for words. "Matt, I'm waiting for you downstairs."

"Yeah." Matt nodded. "I'll be there as soon as I put on – I'll be there in a bit."

"Sure." Jason nodded and turned towards Cedric. "Give them space, will you?"

Cedric tore his glare off of Mello as Jason shut the door. Mello's legs gave away and he fell to the floor.

"Do you know Cedric?" Matt asked.

Mello looked up at him with eyes wide with disbelief. "He's my brother." Mello said. "You know Jason?!"

"He's my brother."


End file.

Death Note, Angst, Romance