Vampire Academy 1. Jesse's Girl

**This is a little random, but I just thought of it and _had _to write it! It's not _reallly _a songfic, but sort of, if that makes any sense...**

**So enjoy!**

**I don't own VA or the song "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield.**

Jessie is a friend,  
Yeah, I know he's been  
A good friend of mine  
But lately something's changed  
That ain't hard to define  
Jessie's got himself a girl  
And I want to make her mine  
And she's watching him with those eyes  
And she's lovin' him with that body,  
I just know it  
Yeah 'n' he's holding her in his arms late,  
Late at night

You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,  
I wish that I had Jessie's girl  
Where can I find a woman like that

I play along with the charade,  
There doesn't seem to be a reason to change  
You know, I feel so dirty  
When they start talking cute  
I wanna tell her that I love her,  
But the point is probably moot  
'Cos she's watching him with those eyes  
And she's lovin' him with that body,  
I just know it  
And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

Like Jessie's girl,  
I wish that I had Jessie's girl  
Where can I find a woman,  
Where can I find a woman like that

And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time,  
Wondering what she don't see in me  
I've been funny,  
I've been cool with the lines  
Ain't that the way  
Love supposed to be  
Tell me, where can I find a woman like that

You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl,  
I wish that I had Jessie's girl  
I want Jessie's girl,  
Where can I find a woman like that, like  
Jessie's girl,  
I wish that I had Jessie's girl,  
I want,  
I want Jessie's girl

**Dimitri's POV**

A disaster.

That's really the only way to describe my tangled life at this point in time. A disaster.

I suppose it started when he met _her. _But if you want to get technical, I'll admit it was my own fault for agreeing to my current charge.

Now normally, I was satisfied with my existance, a dedicated guardian. I was luckier than most, able to guard a decent Royal Moroi. And Jesse Zeklos was decent, except when it came to women.

I had never seen so many tears than in my year of guarding him, and I lived with three sisters. Heartbreak after heartbreak, I got to watch the endless parade of broken girls, after Jesse had grown bored with them.

He was a good leader, a strong advocate for magic users, but when it came to women, he was clueless. He went through them like he spends money, a new, breathtakingly beautiful woman under his arm every night. And I stood in the shadows like any good Guardian, guarding the door, keeping the man who had hurt so many out of harm's way.

But he was a good acquaintance, was respectful of dhampirs... male dhampirs... and treated me as a human being, and I was grateful. We had somewhat developed a friendship, after all, we were roommates. He had grown out of his ignorant, arrogant teenage years, and was currently building a quite powerful group, supporters of Tasha Ozera's movement.

Normally I could easily live with him, and things weren't awkward and tense. We would drink coffee, eat breakfast in the morning. He was a good roommate, and I could stand sharing his condo.

Until, that is, he met Rose Hathaway.

...

I sat lazily on the stool, absorbed in my novel. Jesse was at the bars, and, as he always did, told me he preferred me not to come. But he burst in the door in the ungodly hours of the night. He was obviously drunk, a girl on his lips.

They don't seem to notice me as they stumble towards the couch, and I slip out of the kitchen trying not to look at the two, and quickly move towards my bedroom, changing into my nightclothes. But even the closed space of my bedroom is unable to hide the sounds that they produce, and I groan loudly, pulling the pillow over my head.

When my eyes open, I have obviously dozed off, because when I wake, the house is silent.

I crawl out of bed and back into the kitchen. The lights are gone, swallowed by darkness, a deep, choking darkness. I creep across the carpet, the hem of my flannel pajama bottoms grazing the floor as I walk.

As I walk around the corner, I run right into a small object, and have to grab for her to keep her from falling over. She squeaks, and grabs onto me as I support her. Even in the dark, I can see her blush, I can feel the heat of her skin against my bare chest.

She is nothing different than Jesse's ordinary girl. Stunningly gorgeous, with long dark hair and deep eyes. She is clad in one of Jesse's blue, pinstripe button-ups, the bottom barely grazing her thighs.

"My apologies," I whisper, and her blush deepens.

"No, that was my fault. I'm sorry, I didn't know Jesse had a roommate."

I smile stiffly. "A guardian. I'm paid to be invisible."

The girl smiles. "True enough, but even when you get home? I hate being invisible, why do you think I go to the bars after work?"

"_You're _a guardian?" I blurt stupidly, immediately biting my tongue.

She smirks. "What, I can't be a guardian and a slut?"

I groan, humiliated. "No, I didn't mean-"

She smiles, a glowing smile. "Really, it's fine, it's not like..." she holds up the sleeves of the too-large shirt that hangs over her hands. "It's not like I do this a lot."

I nod, still embarrassed. She smiles again, and it warms me. "Do you want a cup of coffee?" she asks sweetly, and I nod, smiling back.

...

"At St. Vladimirs? That's where Lord Zeklos attended," I say, gripping my warm cup of coffee.

She nods, leaning back against the stool. "Yes, I knew him when we went there. Of course, he's grown up quite a bit since then..."

I laugh. "Really? Three years isn't a long time."

She snorts. "Not really. You should know that, though. What are you, like thirty-five?"

"Twenty-eight," I declare defensively. "As of last month."

She grins openly. "Happy Birthday."

I hear a moan, and Jesse appears, helplessly hungover. Rose smiles at him.

"Good morning," she chirps, and I can't help but let the corners of my mouth turn up as well. Her beautiful smile is contagious.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" I question, shocked.

"It's almost eight o'clock," he groans.

I quickly glance at the clock that hangs on the kitchen wall. We've have been talking for hours.

Jesse groans again and drags her hips towards him, her back against his chest, holding her against him as he steals her mug and sips the rich coffee. She laughs and struggles playfully against him, an exchange that makes me frown.

"Mmm," he hums. "This is great. Did you make this?"

Rose nods, glowing at his praise. I frown again. "Yeah, I did!"

I smile, "Best I've ever had," I tell her, and she smiles back, although not as wide as his compliment.

"I'm going to get dressed," she informs us, and walks out of the kitchen. We both stare after her, hearing the water turn on in the bathroom.

"Damn," Jesse whistles, pouring himself a cup.

I repress another frown. An itch deep in my gut fluctuates. What was with me? I had never been bothered by any of Jesse's girlfriends before. We had talked for hours, right into the morning, and I learned a lot about her. Not that there was probably much point. She'd be gone by the end of the week.

"Definately going to see_ her _again," he smirks, sipping his drink. "Not that I can actually remember last night. But it looks like it was hot." I refrain from rolling my eyes.

He turns towards the couch, and I follow his eyes, seeing her jeans draped from the lamp. The twinge of annoyance grows again.

"Hey," he calls to her, then seems to blank, his eyes emptying.

"Rose," I growl quietly. "Her name is Rose."

"Hey, Rose! You forgot your jeans!"

After several seconds, she appears, draped in a white towel, her long, toned legs once again visible. "Thanks."

Good Lord.

...

And he did see her again. For a _month. _A month! That's the longest he's ever been with a woman, I swear.

A month.

And ever time I saw them, it drove me crazy. I had spent one night with her, and already knew more about her than he did. Of course, we would talk now, but it was for only minutes while Jesse had gone on some meaningless task to find something in the house.

Rose had similiar interests, interests that we could talk about for hours. But Jesse would always return, smiling brightly and wrapping his arm greedily around her waist, whisking her away from me. And I couldn't stand it.

But just because I knew her birthday, her parents' names, and her childhood homesteads didn't by any means call for a relationship between us. Rose would talk to me, slug me in the arm, run her thin fingers over my head, only to shake her hand and muss my hair.

But those same fingers would clutch Jesse's. She would stare at him like he was the sun. She revolved around him like such, her gaze never leaving his body unless he was gone from the room. Then she decided it was okay to look at me, treating me like a brother.

A brother.

I already was a brother. Three times over. I didn't need another. Besides, Rose was anything but a sister. I was beginning to develop _feelings. _Feelings for Rose. I didn't understand them.

I had never felt this way. Especially about Jesse's girlfriends. Hell, I had even been seduced by one of them, waking up after falling asleep on the armchair to a woman sitting on my lap, a woman who smelled like liquor and other men. I had practically tripped over myself trying to distance myself from the girl who still had my charge's sweat drying on her skin. Believe me, being a guardian had caused the supression of some strong human needs, but with Rose, this was something else. Something powerful.

And tonight was worse than usual.

Rose and I were getting into a deep discussion. I had never been able to talk about guarding with anyone, but, being guardians, we managed an intelligent conversation, one that thrilled me to no end. But Jesse comes back into the room, handing her a drink, and settles onto the sofa. Our conversation is lost. Rose was lying in his arms, Jesse stretched out on the couch, calling each other disgustingly sweet nicknames and saying cute, meaningless crap to each other. It was making me nauseous. Incredibly nauseous.

She was rubbing his thigh, small circles that radiated upwards, and I tried not to notice. But I could almost feel it on my own leg, and the soft brushes of fingertips willed me to lose my barriers. All I wanted to do was rip her out of his arms, to settle down on the couch with her, to have her stare at me the same way that Jesse was in her eyes.

Jesse shifts his hips against her, and I have to look away. When they start to make out, I immediately stand, rushing out of the room, and into my bedroom, trying not to picture her.

Thankfully, Rose is gone when I wake up in the morning. Jesse sits at the table, eating a piece of cold pizza that Rose made for dinner last night.

I flop down beside him, and see his hardened expression.

"What's wrong?" I ask, sickly hoping that they've had a fight, and immediately feeling guilty.

He shakes his head and downs the glass of water before quickly grabbing his briefcase and shoving his papers into it. Silently, I follow him, quickly dressing for the day, and catching him right before he stomps out the door.

Of course, as soon as he steps out of the door, he is back to normal, the respectful, composed man I know him to be. But I wonder if anyone else sees the tension in his body.

When he is done for the day, I begin to follow him out the door, towards our house, but he shakes his head.

"I'm going out."

He shoves his hands in his pockets and walks towards the Court's nightclubs, to my horror. "You have a girlfriend," I inform him, calling after him, but he doesn't turn around, he just keeps walking.

"You have a girlfriend!"

...

I pace, waiting for Jesse. It's three in the morning. And he has a girlfriend. But he doesn't seem to have noticed either, and continues to stay out.

I can't help but think of Rose. Poor Roza.

Jesse stumbles through the door, along with a girl, who looks about eighteen. She already shirtless, and sporting freakishly tight jeans. The kind Rose didn't like. She said they were uncomfortable, and she _already had one layer of skin, thank you. _

But the pair crash onto the couch and begin to strip.

"Jesse!" I yell angrily, and his head jerks upwards, just noticing me. He hops off of her and walks over to me.

"What?" he hisses, his eyes glazed over.

I growl. "What about Rose? She's crazy about you. And you're cheating on her!"

He narrows his eyes. "Yeah, well she's not putting out. I've been waiting for months. She told me that nothing happened that first night! She just borrowed my shirt because she spilled a drink on her jeans. But _nothing. _I've got needs, and if she's not going to do something about it, then I have every right-"

"_Right? _You think _she's _going to satisfy you?" I spit, motioning to the girl on the couch. "Maybe now, for short term, but Rose is wonderful, and dedicated, faithful. If you just want a different girl every night, you'll die alone and without anyone to care for you. Unloved." My voice is harsh, and oddly authoritative.

Jesse snorts. "And what about you? When's the last time you shacked up? I haven't even seen you bring a girl here the whole time we've lived here. The whole time I've known you. So guess we're both dying alone. But at least I'll get layed a few times along the way."

"I'll tell her," I hiss. "She deserves to know."

"I'll fire you," he spits cockily. "Your career will be ruined." His drunken voice causing him to slur. I fist my hands so tightly that my nails dig into my palms. I turn on my heel, rushing into my room and slamming the door shut, trying to keep myself from blackening his eye.

_Poor Roza. _

_..._

The morning light streamed through the slits in the blinds. I can hear the girl in the other room, giggling loudly, Jesse probably trying to grope her.

But when the door slams open, and _"Jesse?" _comes from a third voice, the house goes silent.

And then all hell breaks loose.

I jump off of the bed, dashing down the staircase. Rose stands in the doorway, a murderous look on her face.

"You. Son. Of A -!"

"Roza!" I yell, grabbing onto her hand before she could hit him. She struggles against me, tears running down her face. "Rose..."

She turns on me, dark, deep eyes blazing. "_You. _You knew! How could you not tell me? How could you!"

She runs out of the door, and my heart aches, guilt washing through my veins. "Roza!"

I follow.

...

"Roza, please let me in," I beg, leaning against her door. "I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you. He... It was only for one night. This is the first time, I swear. He's never done-"

She opens the door, her face no longer tear-stained, but incredibly red.

"I'm not getting back with him," she states coldly. "Don't even try to defend him."

"Defend him? Oh, Rose, I would have never had you going out with him in the first place. You were always too good for him."

She nods sadly, wiping her eyes. "I was just another girl for him, wasn't I? I knew he'd lose interest, especially when I refused to-"

I sigh. "Sleep with him?" She looks as if she's about to cry again, and I wrap her in my arms. "Roza, you deserve so much better."

I can feel her begin to cry again. "I'm so sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head against my chest.

But quietly, she takes my hand and leads me into her room, shutting the door behind her.

...

I lay awake all night. She cried on my chest, falling asleep in my arms, heartbroken. I just wanted to kiss her, so badly, my body ached. But there was no point.

I think I'm in love with her.

But she doesn't feel the same way. She never would.

She stirs, and I decide to savour the moment. "Good morning."

"You stayed here all night?"

I nod. "Of course."

She checks her alarm clock. "Dimitri, you have to be at work in twenty minutes." I instinctively jump out of bed, but turn to her, an aplogetic look on my face.

"Go. I'll survive. Come back tonight?"

I kiss her forehead, feeling the ache in my very core and jog out of the room, regretting every step.

As soon as I walk in the door, Jesse snaps at me to get ready, his normal hangover twined with anger.

It's going to be a long day.

...

Torture. Jesse absolutely hates me now, and continues to make my life miserable. I want desperately to leave the house, but he always comes up with a horrid reason to keep me. As if he _knows _that I promised to meet Rose.

It is nearly midnight by the time I get to Rose's place, and I thank the Lord that she has left her door unlocked.

I kick off my shoes and climb into bed with her sleeping figure.

"Dimitri?" she moans, still half-asleep, poor girl.

"I'm sorry, Rose. He wouldn't let me leave."

She nods, and cuddles into my chest. It takes everything I can do not to kiss her, not to roll over her, not to-"

Her soft breathing breaks me from my thoughts. I stroke her hair from her face, and settle down beside her.

When I wake, Rose is no longer in bed. I panic, for some stupid reason, and quickly rise, but calm when I hear the shower running.

She steps out, looking as beautiful as ever, but her skin is hot and red, looking like she's bathed in boiling water.

"Roza," I whisper, but she shakes her head.

"I'm fine, now. Don't worry." When she sees my concerned eyes, she seems to melt and leans in.

_This is it, _I think, and my whole body seems to vibrate with anticipation. When was the last time I had kissed a woman? But my aching dies when she kisses my cheek.

"You're such an amazing friend, Dimitri. I'm sorry I flipped out on you."

I shake my head, biting back rejection. "Don't worry about it," I say, and watch as she gathers clothing and disappears back into the bathroom.

...

I wait patiently for a month, letting her heal, all the while, my body burns from the inside out, just waiting for her. I loved her. I knew that now, but I was her friend. Her trusted confidant. I was nothing but a friend. And it killed me.

We ate together every night, as I hardly felt welcome near my charge, and all the while, Rose and I grew closer and closer.

But it wasn't until one night that Rose texted me, begging me to come over. Like the obedient friend I was, I was instantly there, with a can of hot chocolate mix under my arm.

She sat me down on the couch, nursing her mug. Her legs are bare except for a pair of flannel pajama shorts, her feet clad in slippers. "Jesse came over today. When you were at the Guardian's meeting."

I nod slowly, a sinking feeling in my gut. "And...?"

She sighs. "He apologized. Told me he always loved me, and that he was stupid to ever let me go."

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my heart flame. "What are you going to do?" I ask, hoping that her answer would stay strong.

She shakes her head, sliding down the couch. "I don't know. I cared so much about him. I wanted things to work out. I was so bitter, but now I don't know if I overreated. It's not like we were dating for a long time. But he still cheated. What should I do?" I couldn't sabatoge their relationship. I wanted what's best for her. But I thought that meant me. I sigh.

"I don't know."

"You have to!" she groans. "Tell me what to do! I want him, but I don't want to get hurt again. Do you think he'll cheat again?"

_Yes. _I shake my head, refusing to answer, holding back tears, and she rises, going to fill up her mug.

I had to tell her, I had to, or I would lose her forever.

"I love you," I blurt desperately. She freezes on the spot, a bad sign. "Roza, I love you. Ever since the night we met I've had feelings for you. It killed me to see him with you, touching you, and hurting you. I can't tell you what to do because I want you to be happy, and I don't want to ruin your relationship, but I love you Rose, and I'll never hurt you, if you'll just... I need to tell you, just to know, or I'll regret it forever. I know more about you than he ever did, but you've just seen me as a friend. Roza, I couldn't tell you then, but I need to know now. Please, please say something."

My words roll, building and twisting into a dangerous ball, one that could easily crush me. It sits on my lungs; my breathing becomes ragged.

"Roza-"

She turns. "Dimitri-"

We both freeze, and I can't take it. I stand, mumbling an apology. I slip past her into the hall, and I run.

...

Sitting on the couch, head buried into my hands, I realize that I've ruined everything. And I'd lost her completely. The heartbreak was unbearable. I had locked the door, Jesse was out, most likely drunked to a stupor, and I just wanted to be alone. The moron could finish off his girl in the hallway for all I cared.

And, just as the though passes my head, there is a knock on the door. I ignore it, and fall back against the couch cushion. But the door cracks open, and to my surprise, I hear one set of footsteps.

"Leave me alone, Zeklos," I snap, ignoring what I assume is snort and close my eyes, rubbing my jaw. But when I hear her voice in my ears, I crack my eyes open.

"Dimitri..."

I gulp in air, trying to calm myself.

"The door was locked," is all I can manage to say.

"You left your key on your mad dash out of my apartment. I'm returning it."

I nod. "Thanks."

She huffs, obviously frustrated at the distance that I am using to shield myself. "Dimitri-"

"No, Rose. It doesn't matter."

"How does it not matter?"

I growl in my own annoyance. "I'm your _friend, _Roza. You treat me like your _brother. _You'll never feel that way about me. You'll never-"

Rose climbs onto my lap, her smooth legs sinking into the couch, her knees on either side of me. She leans strokes my jaw, brushes my hair out of my face.

"Don't tell me what I will and won't do."

I groan as she presses her lips against my jaw. "Rose, what are you doing?"

She smiles again. "Dimiti, why didn't you tell me before? That you felt that way..."

"You were Jesse's," I whisper, my heart rising. "You were never mine."

Her lips press against my lips this time, a slow, passionate kiss. "I wasn't. Then..."

"Roza-"

She smiles, but immediately frowns when I push her off of me.

"Jesse'll be home soon," I warn her as she rises up to kiss my jaw.

"I locked the door on my way in, don't worry."

I smile broadly, and bring her back towards me, mumbling my own string of endearments. When I can hear _him _pounding at the door, I groan loudly.

"You know, he once so kindly pointed out that I never had a girl. Now he's ruining it for me."

Rose climbs off of me, kissing me once. "Dimitri, I don't really want to see him..."

I nod, and open the door when she hides in the kitchen. The pair quickly make their way into his room, shutting the door.

I smile so broadly, my face stings.

"He's gone, Roza. He's gone."

* * *

**Please Review!**


	2. An: Sorry!

**Wow! I cannot believe how many reviews I've gotten on this chapter! I love you guys!**

**I actually wasn't planning on doing a continuation of this story, but was thinking about doing maybe more one-shots... A collection, maybe?**

**What do you think? I'd love to hear some song ideas, if anyone's interested.**

**-Thanks for listening!**


	3. Broken

**Summary-Broken: A _Love fades, mine has _explanaion. Dimitri is damaged after being turned back, and pushes away from Rose. **

**For ELFINA01, who asked for it :)  
**

**Broken lyrics**

The broken clock is a comfort  
It helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can start tomorrow  
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting  
Though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best  
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart  
I'm barley breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating

In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning

So I'm holding on  
I'm holding on  
I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you

The broken locks were a warning  
You got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection  
Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose  
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating

In the pain  
(In the pain)  
Is there healing?  
In your name  
(In your name)  
I find meaning

So I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm hanging on another day  
Just to see what you will throw my way  
And I'm hanging on to the words you say  
You said that I will be okay

Broken lights on the freeway  
Left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now  
I haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating

In the pain  
(In the pain)  
There is healing  
In your name  
(In your name)  
I find meaning

So I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm barely holding on to you

I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm holding on  
(I'm still holding)  
I'm barely holding on to you

**I don't own VA or the song Broken, by Lifehouse**

* * *

**DPOV**

My ears only detect the sound of the steadily ticking clock. At least one thing in my life was constant.

On nights like these, I either layed awake all night, or slept fitfully, having nightmares, horrid recollections of what had happened to me, to _us_.

Even while awake, I could scarcely breathe, like my burdens pressed into my lungs, weighing me down, forcing moisture to my eyes.

My eyes flutter, and I can still see that day, the day I was turned back.

_I could still feel the pain of the stake, the searing, horrible ache deep within me. But slowly, so slowly, it felt like something was being shoved into my being, something too large for my body. It took several moments of white-hot pain to realize that expanding sensation was my soul. I gasp and choke for breath, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain. My anger slowly dissolves, but is followed by a fountain of sadness, depression, loneliness, fear, anxiety: a full spectrum of emotion. _

_My legs give out on me, and through the blinding, intolerable light, I see a heavenly face. Blond haired and jade eyes. An angel. _

_"Guardian Belikov? Can you hear me?"_

_I nod weakly, and suddenly, the light is gone in the blink of an eye. The anger, depression, fear, it all crashes into me, and I remember _everything. _I could see the innocent faces, the screams of horror, the begging and pleading as I slowly drink their liquid life. The mumbling of prayers, goodbyes. I could feel their souls next to me, sad, lost souls. I had taken lives. I had played God, as if they were ever mine take._

_And Rose. Roza. _

_I had wanted her so badly, to have her with me. If I had turned someone like Nathan had turned me, I wouldn't be under his command anymore, he couldn't own me. I would own my own new-born, and I could build an empire. I had dangled sex in front of her, watching as she sunk further and further into total oblivion. She had escaped, and it was then and there I had decided to kill her._

_The full force of what I had done crashed down upon me, choking me, sufficating me, until I couldn't breathe. My gut twisted, disgust's cruel hands fingering the lining of my stomach, curling and wrenching my innards. I wanted to scream, but could produce no sound. I wanted to run, but my body was being swarmed by guardians. I wanted to die, but had no way to, not now, not yet. So I used my only out, my only release, my only saviour. _

_I wept. _

_Great sobs shook my body, and I could feel my head being lifted from the cold ground, and I was set in _her _lap. My angel. Vasilisa. _

_I buried my face into her knee, and let the smooth strokes of her fingertips in my hair soothe my all-consuming horror. I was a murderer. The feelings had been my own, had been part of me. _

_I wanted to die. I wanted... _needed... _Rose._

_I wanted her to be there, to hold me, to protect me, but as soon as I thought of her, her face, I could only see the glazed expression, her bloody neck, her sweet words of endearment._

_I sobbed harder. _

_"Dimitri!"_

_Hearing her voice made my heart explode in pain, and I began to reach for Vasilisa's hand, needing her, a substitute. But I was ripped away, shoved up against a wall, cornered. I thought they were going to kill me, but they dragged me away from Vasilisa and handcuffed my hands, shoving me in the trunk of an SUV. I could barely curl myself into the small space, but they didn't care. It didn't matter. _

_I was nothing._

Obviously having dozed, I wake with a start, a coating of sweat glistening from my skin.

Rose.

I had completely crumbled, and the memory of the jail cell still haunts me. My first request was that I begged to see Rose. Pleaded helplessly.

But, alone in my cell, I wondered if she would want to see me. She had told me she loved me hundreds of times when her blood pumped endorphins, and I felt powerful. So powerful.

But what if, Rose still saw me as that. Surely the image of me, crouched in the corner of the cell, weeping, would send her running. She had loved me when I was strong, when I was in control. But now? I was nothing, the bottom of society.

I couldn't protect her, couldn't be the man she needed me to be. I needed comfort, and could offer no advice or reassurance.

But Rose didn't let go that easily. She managed to get past the Guardians, managed to show up wherever I was, even when I was trying to hide.

And she wondered why I shut her out.

If I didn't, I would have completely fallen apart in her arms, and I just couldn't handle getting another look of disgust.

_Don't push so hard, _I should have said. _Just give me some time, Rose. I just need time. _But no, just like I feared I would, I fell apart.

And that's when I had uttered the words that have ultimately led to my downfall.

Love fades, mine has.

In my desperation to create space for myself, I had done the job too well, and successfully shoved her away, right into the arms of Adrian.

I knew this, because the next time I had seen her, her neck was pierced with bitemarks, and the very thought of what they had done made me ill.

I didn't even want to consider it. In the cabin, she had been mine. Completely mine. And I promised myself that I would never screw that up.

And look how well that turned out.

But I bit my tongue. Except for maybe one small word. Or two.

But that was it.

And as much as I hated to say this, I was almost thankful when the Guardians showed up.

Almost.

But when they swarmed around Rose, I knew something was wrong. Instinct took over, and not just my instinct to protect anyone and everyone. All of my old feelings towards her came rushing back. And I think she saw that. She had grabbed onto me, told me to stop, before I got hurt. But I would have protected her to the death.

And now, because of me, she was stuck in a musty cell, my old cell, if rumour serves correctly, and I was lying here, on a plush mattress, in an empty bed. If we could trade places, I would in a heartbeat. She didn't deserve to be in there. She didn't do anything but save my soul. And she had suffered for it. I couldn't help but wonder if she regretted saving me at all.

Vasilisa had been after me ever since to go and visit her, but how could I? What if she rejected me?

I was falling apart at the most moronic things. The odd mention of Rose's condition in prison. The sudden breeze of the perfume that she used to wear. A hair elastic that I had mysteriously found in my jacket pocket, an elastic that I had pocketed after _our _rushed exit from the cabin. I suppose she must have ended up with the rubber band that I used to secure my own hair at the base of my neck. But she had probably lost it ages ago, or it had snapped.

Coming back to my present, I ease out of bed, my damp skin turned cold. I slip on my leather coat, hoping to bring some warmth into my cold body. The silence is suffocating, and I can see Rose every time I close my eyes.

I exit my room, the circulation of the larger hallway still doing nothing for my compressed lungs. Even the cool evening air does nothing for me, and I find myself aimlessly wandering, walking under the flickering streetlights. The night was young, and the sun was sinking into the sky. It was still too early for any vampires to be up.

With one small smile, I enter the jailhouse, explaining to the Guardians why I was here, my reason for visiting, who I came for. There was no need for names, they knew who I was.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, the stark-white hall before me already had the fluorescent lights humming. I remember what terrible nights I had in this place. I move to Rose's cell. She looks much older than her age. She was always so afraid of losing her youth to her environment, but she could never have known these circumstances.

She lips were slightly parted, her breath even and low. I smile, watching her.

Slowly, I pull her hair elastic out of my pocket, fastening it at the bottom of my neck. She begins to stir, and I decide to leave before she wakes up.

But when I turn to leave, my eyes travel to her wrists.

And I almost break down before the iron bars.

_Oh, Roza. _

Her wrist, frail from a lack of exercise, is the key to my rush of emotion. Because wrapped around it, _just _darker than her skin tone, is a old and battered rubber band. It has been pushed a little further up her arm, a thin tan line marking it's former place.

I smile to myself, tears creating a film over my eyes.

"Good morning, Roza."

I slip my hands into my pockets and make my way down the hall, the click of my boots the only proof of my existance in the white world of the prison.

* * *

**Fooled you! You thought she was cutting her wrists, didn't you! That's right... **

**Once again, this chapter is dedicated to ****ELFINA01. I appreciated the idea!**


	4. Jesse's Girl 2: If You're Reading This

****

**If you're reading this**  
**And my Momma's sittin there**  
**Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here**  
**Sure wish I**  
**Could give you one more kiss**  
**And war was just a game we played when we were kids**

**I'm laying down my gun**  
**I'm hanging up boots**  
**I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you**

**So lay me down**  
**In that open field out on the edge of town**  
**And know my soul**  
**Is where my momma always prayed**  
**That it would go**  
**And if you're reading this**  
**I'm already home**

**If you're reading this**  
**Half way around the would**  
**I won't be there**  
**To see the birth of our little girl**  
**I hope she looks like you**  
**I hope she fight like me**  
**Stand up for the innocent and weak**

**I'm laying down my gun**  
**I'm hanging up boots**  
**Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes**

**So lay me down**  
**In that open field out on the edge of town**  
**And know my soul**  
**Is where my momma always prayed that it would go**  
**And if you're reading this**  
**I'm already home**

**If you're reading this**  
**There's going to come a day**  
**When you'll move on**  
**And find someone else**  
**And that's okay**  
**Just remember this**  
**I'm in a better place**  
**Where soldiers live in peace**  
**And angels sing amazing grace**

**So lay me down**  
**In that open field out on the edge of town**  
**And know my soul**  
**Is where my Momma always prayed that it would go**  
**And if you're reading this**  
**If you're reading this  
I'm already home**

**I do not own VA or the song If You're Reading This by Tim Mcgraw!**

* * *

RPOV:

I wanted to scream, wanted to cry. I waited, day and night, for a sign from him, for a letter, _anything. _But I wasn't sure whether to take his absence of contact as a good thing or a bad thing.

On the upside, he could be busy. No Guardian's had come to inform me of any horrid news, as no news had even come back.

On the downside, he could be dead.

This was ridiculous. I mean, we'd only been 'dating' for about two months when he left. Then again, I hadn't even had strong feelings for him until he had suddenly blurted out that he loved me. Not that I was complaining. He was an amazing guy, and I was so lucky to have him. But it's only been two months, and I'm already acting like the guy's... wife.

But, only two months into the relationship, he had been drafted. Truly, honestly drafted. When St. Vladimirs was attacked and taken hostage by strigoi, the Queen sent an enormous amount of Guardians out to go and fight to reclaim the school, and everyone inside.

Unfortunately, being the old-fashioned bat that she is, decided that only _men _would be drafted. So I was stuck here, unable to fight for these kids, doing nothing.

But Dimitri, on the other hand, was one of the first ones drafted. He had been dressed in a simple black military-style jacket and pants, standing on the runway, giving me one last kiss before departing. We hadn't told each other we loved one another, but, once again, two months wasn't very long at all, not to know a person so intimately, so deeply.

But no one at the Court had heard _any _news of the Guardians at the academy. We didn't even know if they had succeeded, failed. They could all be dead and-

No. I wouldn't let myself think that. I had promised Dimitri I would be strong for him, I had sworn my loyalty and my faith to him. Even though Jesse Zeklos was still at my heels, I was always faithful to Dimitri, and always would be.

My heart ached for him, for his face, his voice, his eyes. I longed for him, every ounce of me.

But today was special. Today was the day that I had finally cracked, mentally at least. Still is possession of the spare key, I slipped into his apartment, trying my best to avoid Jesse and whatever new girl he had that night.

It still hurt to see him, still hurt to know that I was just another girl to him, but Dimitri could always read my mind, and would kiss my forehead and wrap his arms around his waist, telling me that no matter how Jesse saw me, I was the only girl that mattered to him.

The thought brings a smile to my face as I creep into his bedroom. It's just how's he's left it, with several items missing, including a photo of the two of us that was tacked to his wall.

With a small smile, I move to his desk.

It has one drawer, but it is jam-packed with papers and trinkets from his past.

Although, I admit, it's creepy to break into your boyfriend's room and look through his stuff, I just needed something that reminded me of him. Something I could keep with me, hold when I thought of him, something that could make things easier.

Besides, it's not breaking in if you have a key.

So I search through his trinkets, finding nothing of sentimental value to me. Until, that is, I come across an envelope that is addressed to _Rose. _I gingerly crack open the flap, careful not to tear the paper seal.

_Roza,_

_I know, if you're reading this, that something terrible has happened. I pray that I have not  
become a monster, that I died the man you remembered. I have written this the night before  
my departure, and you have fallen asleep on the couch. I am watching you as I write this,  
and will be watching out for you for ever more, I promise you._

_Please, Rose, forgive me. I hadn't intended for it to end this way, certainly not by saying  
goodbye through a heartless letter, but I know that if I would have tried to tell you this  
before I left, you would have had none of it. I wanted to tell you that I love you, and even  
though I've already said this once, I couldn't leave this earth without at least writing it  
to you. I love you, Rose, and I still do, wherever I am._

_When you decide to move on, whenever it's in two days or perhaps much longer, I want  
you to be happy. Tell whatever man you meet to treat you the way I would have loved to,  
that you meant more to me than anyone possibly could have. You're free, Rose, free to live  
your life, and although I cannot enjoy it with you, I want you to never regret a moment,  
never feel bitter. Be free._

_I miss you, and would give anything to be with you. I hope you don't mind, but I have taken  
the picture of the two of us, sitting on the couch. It's the one that you took, the one that,  
although you had to take it yourself, with your hand outstretched, turned out perfectly the  
first time._

_I don't know if you have been just handed this letter, or if you are cleaning out my belongings,  
but please, make sure my family is contacted. I hate to put this burden on you, but I always  
wanted you to meet them. They will love you, I'm sure of it, and you'll be part of the family the  
moment you meet. Paul, my nephew, will be ecstatic to see you._

_I'm so sorry, and I can honestly say my last thoughts were of you._

_Sincerely,  
Dimitri_

I am sobbing, clutching onto the letter. My heart is mourning, and I don't even know if he truly did die. My heart was contracting, and tears painted my cheeks and face, sliding down to soak my shirt. I crawl into his bed, letting the smell of him soothe me to sleep.

* * *

The house is quiet when I awaken, but I can hear the heavy rainfall from outside. Dimitri's letter is still clenched in my hand, and I have fallen asleep with it resting on my heart.

Slowly, I exit the warm haven of his bed, the instant loss of heat chilling me, and almost causing me to cry again.

I pad down the stairs, my feet heavily slapping against the polished wooden floors. Jesse turns from his spot on the kitchen stool.

"Rose?" he asks. "What are you doing here? I didn't hear you come in last night."

I shake my head. "He's gone, isn't he?"

Jesse sighs, running his fingers through his shaggy hair. "Don't talk like that."

"It's true."

With another helpless sigh, Jesse wraps his hands awkwardly around me. "Not necessarily."

To my surprise, Jesse's touch does nothing for me. No hurt, no pain, no longing. My heart has completely detached itself from him.

And that _does _make me cry.

He seems to stiffen even more. "Uh..."

"Sorry," I sniffle, pulling away. "I don't want to make whatever girl you have in your room angry with me. Muffy, or Buffy, or-"

"Ashley," he interrupts proudly. "I think..."

I sigh, wiping my nose with the sleeve of Dimitri's hoodie. "Thanks, Jesse."

He smiles and nods, and I leave Dimitri's apartment.

"Rose!" Lissa squeals from behind me. Vasilisa Dragomir, my charge of three years, hardly ever squeals. She always tries to be composed, proper, a Royal.

"What?" I can tell my eyes are swollen and red, but she doesn't even seem to notice.

"The guardians!" she squeals again. "They're back!"

...

We push through the wall of bodies. I hold Lissa's hand and drag her through, shoving people out of the way. They are all huddled onto the tarmack, some still in pajamas, despite the rain and snow.

The only thing I can see is the tip of a large jet. But we cannot even manage to shove our way to the front of the crowd, people are so tightly packed. But Liss grabs my hand and drags me into the building, where we are barely able to see.

Most of the survivors are being swarmed by family outside, but they still roll steadily through the aisle that we have created.

Unfortunately, so did the stretchers.

I have never seen so many bodies in my life. They come, one after another, covered with a gauzy white sheet. I can barely choke back tears. But it's only when an extremely tall, muscular, sheet-draped corpse is rolled through that I begin to cry.

"Oh God, Lissa. Oh God, Lissa, it's him. It's him!"

I collapse into her arms.

"Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Rose."

The sounds of the room begin to blur together, my heart pounds in my eyes. _I hadn't intended for it to end this way..._

_Oh, Dimitri, I will always love you. _I sob helplessly, unable to hear the crying, the cheering, the heartbreak.

"Roossseeee..." one voice says, like smearing paint across a canvas. "Roosse.."

I look up through swollen eyes to see Lissa, who looks absolutely frantic.

"Rose, Rose look!"

I try to jump over taller heads. But all I can see are blended colours.

"Rose, look!"

The picture starts to resolve, and I see a man, tall and dark, making his way through the chaos around him. He scans the crowd before his eyes settle on me, and a wide smile breaks over his face.

I cannot hear the words he speaks, but I watch his lips form the sweet words. _Roza. _

And I run. I shove through the crowd and launch myself into his arms. The second his arms close around me, I'm home.

He strokes my hair and supports me while I cling to him, sobbing into his neck.

"Oh God oh God oh God. I- I saw a body and I thought it wa-was you. Oh G-God, Dimitri. Do-Don't ever do that to me again, okay?"

I can feel his kiss against my shoulder, and he gently pulls away to stare into my eyes, and wipe the pad of his thumb across my wet cheeks.

"I couldn't see you," he informs me gently. "I was beginning to think you hadn't come for me."

I shake my head. "Never. Never-"

I throw my arms around him again, and he gently rocks me. Over his arm, I can see the crowd of Guardians, all watching Dimitri and I. Their faces almost bear an expression of... longing. I felt sympathy rise. They had no one. They would go home to an empty apartment, having to live, eat, sleep alone, while I would go home, make Dimitri dinner, rub his back, his feet, unpack for him, demand that I stay and take care of him.

We were the lucky ones.

Dimitri slides his arms around my waist, one hand drifting up my arm, which is resting behind his neck. "What's this?"

I look down at the crumpled paper in my hand. He gives me a sad smile. "I suppose you found my letter, then?"

I nod. "I can't believe-"

He sighs. "I know it's a bit soon to be telling you how much I love you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I meant every word. I hope this doesn't change your mind, I hope that I didn't scare you, if I'm trying to move too fast-"

To my own surprise, I laugh. "You think this makes me _not _want to be with you?" He doesn't look me in the eye. "Dimitri, you really don't understand the female mind, do you?"

This time, he smiles, and kisses my forehead.

"I love you, Rose, more than you'll ever know."

I slide my arm around his waist, picking up his discarded duffel bag with the other hand. "You have no idea," I whisper. "How much I love you."

"I still can't believe you wrote me this," I murmur, once we are away from the throng of people.

He laughs. "Why not?"

"Because!" I reason. "It's just so... so _scary _that you were so at peace with your death."

He gives a shaky breath. "At peace? Rose, I have never been more terrified. All I wanted was just to get of there alive. I was bitter and lonely, about how I might never get to live the life that I wanted with you, that my time would be cut short."

I squeeze his hand. "I suppose I just tried not to even think about it. I just convinced myself that you were alright. But when I got your letter, I just couldn't be in denial anymore. I cracked."

When we finally make it to his apartment, his exhaustion is obviously showing. I take the key from his hand and unlock the door, leading him inside. He allows me to help me with the buttons of his jacket, since his own fingers are dull and sluggish.

In the bathroom, I turn on the warm water while he slides out of the rest of his clothing.

"Roza?" he asks, just before he slips in the door. "Why did you come to my room? How did you find the letter?"

A little embarrassed, I smile sheepishly. "I- I was looking for something. Something that I could keep with me that reminded me of you."

He smiles. "You can keep the letter. Every thought while writing it reminded me of you."

And the door gently clicks shut.

* * *

**Another part to Jesse's Girl, because that's what you asked for! I know it's terrible, but it was written very quickly, in my defense. Please review!**


End file.

Vampire Academy, Humor, Romance