Naruto 1. Chapter 1

itachi: o/_\O

deidara: /^_\ )

hidan: *_*

kakuzu; $_$

pein: - :: -

tobi: ((o)))

kisame: =^_^=

sasori : -_-

zetsu: (^^(o_O)^^)

konan: /-_-\*)

katonya:( /-_-\ )

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Lol got bored, so I wanted to do something for Christmas so here it is. It will be 2 or 3 chaps long so enjoy

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"Pein-sama!" Tobi yelled. He was looking for the leader of the scariest organization in thw whole ninja world, Akatsuki. And why was hw running around like an idoit for the leader? He wanted the leader to read him a story on Christmas eve. Yes villans do celebrate Christmas, the Akatsuki lair was all decorated and nice in hopes of Santa Claus to visit them tonight.(Lol I made a ryhme. XD) Tobi would have gone to his Sempai but in his and Sasori's room he could here moans and thumps. So he he did not dare to go in there, the same came from Hidans and Kakuzu room. He would have gone to Katonya,she was dark skin, about the same as the Shika guy. She had Sasoris eyes and long black hair in a pony that went to her waist with purple highlights in it with two bangs like Sasuke framing her face. She was Sasori's little sister but she was going to to visit Team Taka to bring them home, and see her boyfriend Suigetsu. And Tobi knew not to get in here way when she was thinking about her boyfriend. So that left Itachi and Kisa- "HARDER! KISAME! HARDER!"...I mean Pein and Konan.

He finally found them in the livingroom cuddle up on the couch watching a movie.

"Dear Kami what the hell do you want knowTobi"

"Read me a story please, Tobi has been a good boy all year so can you please tell me one!" he got on his knees and pegged him, Pein still said no. Konan was just waching with amusment on her face. Se was enjoying her self but she did wish she could spend alone time with her boyfriend. She was hoping for that but she was amused right know and was going to tease Pein about it latter.

"Pein just read him the story so we can get back to us~" she said in a seductive way. Pein suddenly got a nosebleed and turned to Tobi.

"So a story huh...OKAY I got one" Peincleared his thoart while Tobi sat on the floor and Konan got a hot chocolate for the both of them.

_'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the lair_

_Not a creature was stirring, not Hidan, Deidara or even Tobi;_

_The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,_

_In hopes that St. Nicholas soon burn his ass there;_

_The villans were nestled all snug in their beds,_

_While visions of jinchūriki danced in their heads;_

_And Konan in her 'kerchief, and Pein in his cap,_

_Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,_

_When out on the lair there arose such a clatter,_

_Tobi sprang from the bed to see what was the matter._

_Away to the window he flew like a flash,_

_Tore open the shutters and threw up the seal._

_The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow_

_Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,_

_When, what to his wondering eye should appear,_

_But a hugh ass sleigh, and eight tiny ninja reindeer,_

_With a little old driver, so lively and quick,_

_Tobi knew in a moment it must be that goodie two-shoes St. Nick._

_More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,_

_And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;_

_"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!_

_On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Shikamaru and Blitzen!_

_To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!_

_Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"_

_As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,_

_When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,_

_So up to the lair-top the coursers they flew,_

_With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too._

_And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof_

_The prancing and pawing of each little ninja deer hoof._

_As he drew in his head, and was turning around,_

_Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound._

_He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,_

_And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;_

_A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,_

_And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack._

_His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!_

_His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!_

_His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,_

_And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;_

_The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,_

_And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;_

_He had a broad face and a little round belly,_

_That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly._

_He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,_

_And Tobi laughed when he saw him, in spite of myself;_

_A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,_

_Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;_

_He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,_

_And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,_

_And laying his finger aside of his nose,_

_And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;_

_He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,_

_And away they all flew like the kunai in a thistle._

_But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,_

_**"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night**.**"**_

"So are you happy know Tobi?" Pein Said as he picked up Konan bridal style. She giggled and kissed his neck. Tobi just nodded his head. "That was perfec Pein-sama! You can tell good stories!"

"Thank, now go to bed Tobi me and Konan have...business to attend to." he said with a smirk and walked away. Yup tomorrow was Christmas and Tobi has been a good boy all year. He was ready for it and for all the candy and gifts.

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Yeah, my first Christmas story fic I'm so happy! So please Review for Christmas sugar cookies! We also have fruit cake...or pudding or just whatever you want.


	2. Chapter 2

itachi: o/_\O

deidara: /^_\ )

hidan: *_*

kakuzu; $_$

pein: - :: -

tobi: ((o)))

kisame: =^_^=

sasori : -_-

zetsu: (^^(o_O)^^)

konan: */-_-\

katonya:( /-_-\ )

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Sorry for the really, really, REALLY late update! My lap top hard drive broke on the 24 of Dec and I just got it fixed. I also got distracted with my new Kingdom Hearts game...Sooo hope you injoy this late update.

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It was Christmas day in the Akatsuki base. Everyone was just waking up and going to the kitchen for breakfast. Turns out they were having some festive stuff, there was ham and mashed potatoesand a bunch of other things. Once everyone was done they all, well most of them, ran to the living room to get their gifts. Tobi was the most excited (No shock there) he was bouncing off the walls screaming Tobi is a good boy."Well look who's under the misiltoe." Katonya said. The whole group turn to see Sasuke under it all alone, poor Sasuke. All of a sudden Karin got up and ran over there only to be tripped be Itachi and land right on her face.

Sasuke started to walk from under it only to be stopped by some force field."You cant move from there unless someone kisses you. By the way that was Konan who did the jutsu on it, not me." yelled Katonya You could just see his eye twitch about 50 times a min.

"So who's gonna do it yeah?"

The whole Akatsuki yelled "NOT ME" then Katonya pulled out her phone and said one sec and left the room.

"So which bitch gets their fucking gift first?"

"TOBI FIRST! TOBI HAS BEEN A GOOD BOY AND WILL GET LOTS OF GIFTS AND A GOOD BOY ALWAYS G-" before he could finish that word he got wacked on the head by Deidara. While he was beating Tobi up he didn't noticed that Sasori pulled a gift out and was standing near him."Brat."

"Yeah Danna un?"

"Merry Christmas." He pecked Dei on the lips and gave him his gift. Deidara ripped the paper open and took a pause, he started to cry."Danna your so sweet un!" It was a painted picture of the two. Deidara ran under the tree and got a present that was rapped up in bule and red paper with a big maroon rippon on top. "Here Danna open it!" Sasori took the gift and opened it, he took it out of the box for everyone to see. It was a painted clay statue of the two holding hands. A small smile came on his lips, then it disappeared."Brat, this isn't gonna explode is it?"

"Of course not Danna un!"

"Brat!"

"...No, wait, un no I made it without my chakra yeah." Everyone relaxed at that part. The rest of the Akatsuki got up and started to exchange their gifts. Itachi gave Kisame a box wrapped in fish printed paper. He opened it and it was a small set of pictures that they took at a fair. "I thought you burned these?"

"Hn." Translated: No I thought you would like them.

"Ita-kun here." Kisame said as he gave him a small red box. He took it and opened it slowly, when he opened it it was a pair of contacts lens. "What is this Kisame?"

"Contacts, since you dont like your glasses."

"I don't need your damn contacts or glasses I can see just fine!"

"...Itachi that's the coat rack."

"...How do I get these in?" Kisame and Itachi left to go to the bathroom to get his contacts in. Next up was Hidan and Kakuzu. "Oi Kazu what the hell did you fucking get me? It better not br cheap you bastard!" Kakuzu got up and went to the tree to return with a medium sized gift with brown paper on it. "YOU FUCKER YOU COULD OF AT LEAST GOTTEN SOME FUCKING WRAPPING PAPER YOU CHEAP ASS!"

"Just take the damn gift and shut up." Hidan ripped the paper off like there was no tomorrow. He pulled out a box set and smiled. "You fucker you got me the DBZ Abridged series."(1) You see the humor and violence applied to him a lot. Hidan ran to the closet and pulled out a huge ass box that had green paper on it gut had red splatters on it. Almost like blood. Kakuzu opened up the box slowly fearing something would pop out and stab him. But a body fell out, he pulled it off the ground and looked at it's face. Then his face lit up. "You got me that $200 million bounty I've been looking for! Thanks Hidan."

"Yeah but the fucker wouldn't get in the box so I had to fight his bitch-ass to do it...the weird thing was he was alive when I put that bitch in there, hurt by still fucking alive."

"Guy's I'm still under this think!" Sasuke said as he wazed to the gang. Katonya walked out of the kitchen and said "Dont worry you'll be from under that in 5...4...3...2...1." Right at that moment Naruto busted through the door and glomped Sasuke. The two just looked in each others eyes and then they kissed each other passionately.

"How the fuck did he find his way here?" Pein said from his seat on the couch near Konan.

"Well I know that my cousin had a crush on Naruto and I know Naruto liked him back. So I made a call to him and he was more than happy to do it." Katonya said as she walked to away from them with more yoai pics on her camera.

"Well make sure those two get a room soon...""Oohhh Sasuke right there!""Before they start to fuck on my clean floor!"

"Whatever." The new couple started to stumble up the stairs to get to one of the rooms. "So who else needs gifts?" asked Pein. After about a few more gifts being handed out Pein got a new puppy named Chibi, Konan got some new clothes and a book on new origami technecies. Juugo got a baby bird named Sosaw, Karin got some sessions for anger management. Suigestu got a clay statue of him and Katonya and Katonya got a white and purple pet fish named Sui. Tobi got a new Barbie doll set with her new beach house and Zetsu got a new flower from the forest. After the gifts everyone went to eat Christmas's diner.

"So anyone want to tell me why, our enemy Naruto, is sitting at our table eating OUR food?" said Pein angrly as he stared at Naruto.

"Because it's Christmas Leader. Tobi has been good so Naruto must have been good too, to be with Sasuke and-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY! He can stay just shut the fuck up. *Sigh* I need some Asprin." Konan got up and got it for him and pecked him on the nose. Everyone was having a good time talking (making out, a lot) and eating all types of food. Everyone stopped when they heard jingling coming from outside. "What the fuck was that bitch's?" They all ran outside to see Santa Clause flying through the sky.

"HOLY-"

"MOTHER-"

"SHIT!"

"FUCKER!"

"HE'S REAL UN?"

"TOBI KNEW IT!"

They watched as he through the sky and then he slowed down his paced and dropped some things.

"What the hell is that un?"

"I think they might be gifts brat." They all looked cloesly and saw that they were not gifts but-

"HOLY SHIT IT'S A NUKE!" yelled Katonya, Deidara and Katonya both made clay birds, grabbed their boyfriends and were off. Pein was grabbed by Konan as she took to the sky with her wings. Kakuzu and Hidan jumped onto Kakuzu's flying wind masked. Itachi and Kisameteleoported to some place. Naruto summoned chief toad grabbed Sasuke and they hopped just disappeared into the ground. Juugo and karin ran off to some place and Tobi just stood there like the idiot he was. "Why is everyone running does'ntanyone want the gift Santa dr-" The bomb hit Tobi dead on and went off.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!" yelled Santa as he flew away on his riendeer sleign.

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So how was it? Dont worry Mada-I mean Tobi did not die. (Like he could) So review plz!

1: I love the DBZ Abridged series I was watching this as I was typing this too.


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Naruto, Humor