Naruto A Duck's Anatomy

Oh jeez. I am tired. (It's nearly five minutes to eleven o' clock at night. I hope you enjoy this story!

* * *

What if you thought someone's hair looked like a duck butt and you had a test on a duck's anatomy?

Well, if you are Naruto, you'll try anything and everything to pass a test...

Literally.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. All pictures, quotes, descriptions, and/or content do not belong to me. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I do own the plot of this story, and ideas however. So do not take this idea without emailing me or asking me before hand. If you want a quick response, email me at: lauran94 at hotmail.**

oOo

By the end of lesson, I was one-hundred percent sure I was screwed. Utterly screwed.

Quickly, I glanced to the white board making sure I wasn't hallucinating. I groaned.

There, in bold, red letters was a notice. A notice for a test on a duck's anatomy.

"Why's it on duck's anatomy? Why not human anatomy?" I muttered to myself, stuffing a few stray papers into my bag.

I sat cross-legged in the library, not all to comfortable;

My back was pressed against a wall, wedged between two book shelves.

"What should I do?" I sulked.

"Should I ask Sakura-chan? Nah. She'd probably refuse. Maybe Shikamaru! He's _always _finds a way to pass! But he'd probably say 'Too troublesome' to me."

Groaning, I sat up briskly – "crik crik crik" my legs went – put the "biology-based" book back when I noticed Sasuke leaning against the opposite wall typing into a computer.

Slim, pale fingers flew across the keyboard ever so gracefully. "Ta-tak tak tak tak."

Suddenly, he looked up, and he had the audacity to smirk. I was going to be to Hokage damn it!

So – being the _mature _ninja that I was – I fingered him. "Heh heh..." I chuckled, amused with myself.

I watched his face scowl slightly, "Your going to have wrinkles like Granny Tsunade," I called to him.

"Shhh!" came a response from the far side of the library.

"Dobe*," he whispered back to me smirking.

"Teme*," I muttered back.

I turned back to the book shelf to only swiftly turn my back towards Sasuke again.

That's about when a solution hit me; His hair.

It looked like a duck's butt.

I ran after him. "Sasuke! Oh Sasuke!"

*Dobe: slang for 'idiot', 'loser', and 'dead-last'.

*Teme: in Naruto it translates to bastard, but it usually translates to bitch.

"How'd you talk me into this?" Sasuke asked, gritted his teeth.

"It's not my fault you give in so easily," I joked lightly.

"Couldn't we have done this at your room instead of mine?"

"No, _yours _is cleaner; You can at least walk from one side of the room to the other."

"Obviously," he laughed.

I ignored that comment. "Pass me some sticky notes."

My blue-haired rival looked up at me surprised. "Uh, sure."

He handed the light blue sticky notes into my hand, not being even the least suspicious of my "out-of-character" actions.

"Preen gland*, outer feathers (oiled), soft feathers, (underneath)..." I mentally checked off each one quickly, watching Sasuke out of the corner of my eye.

His eyes were quickly scanning the lines of notes he has wrote during the lecture.

"Now," I thought.

"You have a bit of something pink. Looks dried up."

"Probably from one of those _rabid _fan-girls. Ugh," he shivered.

I laughed. "I'll take it out," I volunteered.

Quickly, I grabbed my first sticky-note, (preen gland), and began to lightly pick out the the imaginary pink lip-stick. "Ugh. It's hot pink," I gagged. Sasuke just laughed and closed his eyes enjoying the light touches on his head.

*Preen gland: A gland that produces oil that helps a bird preen/clean it's feathers.

Sasuke slumped in his chair, often complaining when I paused for a short period of time. This allowed me to label his hair with the corresponding sticky-notes. Although, I was pleased by Sasuke's reaction to my fingers weaving in and out of his hair.

"Sasuke?" I murmured to him. "Hmmm?" he mumbled.

"I got the pink stuff out. It was lipstick."

"Stupid fan-girls..." he yawned.

"You should be studying."

"Bathroom first...."

I tried to sound uncaring. "Go then."

"Three."

My pen trembled from my quakes of silent laughter.

"Two."

The "U's" in my notes I was writing were beginning to look like "O's".

"One."

I gulped, the lump in my throat moving slightly.

"NARUTO!!!"

The pen snapped in my hand – I barely noticed though – splattering across my hand.

Maybe pissing Sasuke off was not the best idea.

"H-hai*?" I responded quietly.

"WHY IS MY HAIR LABLED WITH PARTS OF A DUCK!?"

I began to back away from my current position. "I need to hide."

*Hai: Yes.

Hiding under Sasuke's bed was _definitely_ not in the plan.

"Ouuuuch..." I yelped, not caring the slightest if Sasuke heard me.

"I KNOW YOUR IN HERE!"

Ok, maybe I did care.

This better be worth it. For I was covered in all this crap; dust; bits of old paper; and a whole bunch of skin flakes and slivers of navy blue hair. Oh joy.

"Twitch twitch."

Oh shit.

"Twitch twitch."

I clamped my fingers on my nose.

"Ah... so much be... bet..."

No. Definitely not better.

"Aahhh..."

No, Sasuke will find me.

"Aaaahhh..."

Don't you dare sneeze -

"Choo!"

I sat there for a moment, contemplating my position.

"At least I wasn't too loud, right?"

Relaxing, I yet my head fall against the dusty carpet...

Only to snap my head back up and come face to face with a two pitch black eyes burning with fury.

"MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE A WHAT!?"

"A duck's butt," I emphasized clearly.

He gave me a blank stare; his eyebrows slanting into a frown.

"Here I'll show you."

Shifting through piles of notes, I pulled out a single sheet of paper.

Then, without warning, I spun around and grabbed Sasuke's cell-phone from his back pocket.

"A Motorola RAZR 2? He said he never had one! It comes out in orange too..."

"You'd better not be- Ah!"

"Click. Click."

"Stop!"

Ignoring his complaints, I zoomed in and got a profile shot of Sasuke's hair.

"I have to pay for the bill-"

"I'm finished," I tossed the cell phone over to him.

Snatching his cell phone out of the air he scowled as he saw the pictures; _all_ of which were shots of the back of his head.

"How many did you take!?" he asked, exasperated as he scrolled down.

"Enough to prove your hair _is _a duck in disguise."

"That's a _great _conclusion," he rolled his eyes.

"Obviously it's a great conclusion when it's from the future hokage," I smirked back.

"I was being sarcastic!"

"Your in denial."

"_Your _in denial that you think that you'll be the future hokage!"

"Baka!"

"Dobe."

"Teme!"

"Usuratonkachi*!"

My breath halted for a second. Should I? Dare I?

Ok. I dared.

"Duck butt."

I heard his breath hiss out his throat and his black eyes bore into my eyes.

"If looks could kill," I thought shivering.

"What was that?"

"D-uck b-utt."

I gulped; this was dangerous territory.

He was silent. His chakra wasn't even changing the sightest.

Nervously I turned around just to see a hand lunge at me, successfully pinning my down.

"Teme! Your hurting- OoOoOOw! Stop bending my arm like that!"

"Not until you beg like a uke*."

"What the hell!? Pervert." my face blushed a dark rose.

"Is that a-"

"No!" I cut him off.

I'd never do such a perverted and humiliating thing. Besides, I do not submit... Right?

Yes right! I'd never submit-

A stabbing pain pierced my arm as Sasuke emphasized the _he _was in charge. And he wasn't hesitant to demonstrate is point more clearly if needed.

"Shiiiiit." I ground my teeth together.

The pain became more intense as he inched my arm a few degrees up.

"Sa-sa-kun please..." I said through clenched teeth.

"Onegai* Sasuke-sama*," his voice whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine.

"O-onegai Sasuke-sama," I moaned in pain.

"That's a good little uke," he teased, but still helped me up so I could sit down on the couch.

*Usuratonkachi: Dead last or total moron.

*Uke: The submissive partner in a gay relationship usually. Sometimes it is used in yuri, (a girl on girl relationship).

*Onegai: Please.

*-sama: A honorific which shows a high level respect. Not as high a level of respect as -dono though.

(-dono is the equivilant to lord.)

We were both wedged in on the small couch. It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable; Sasuke had let me lean against him as he rubbed my back. His breath was coming in soft sighs, washing my

face in such a natural smell; something that could not be created by human hands. I could never describe how at peace I was then and there. I was glad that I couldn't. I didn't want to

shatter the silence.

"Haa..."

It felt like half my body was in a sauna.

"Haa..." someone breathed into my ear.

I didn't really mind, but my back was coated in a thin sheet of sweat.

Trying to stretch my body out of this "half-awakened" state, I noticed I was a bit stuck;

My hips were wedged against the chair arm and something warm and soft.

Suddenly, reality crashed down on me and I abruptly flung up from against the chair's back.

Sasuke, _my _rival, _my _friend – nothing more obviously – was leaning against me and had his face leaning mere inches from my face.

Now, this wouldn't usually bother me.

But, it bothers me when you wake up and find your rival's lips nearly brushing up against yours.

Oh yes. It bothers me _a lot_. I _definitely _did not enjoy this.

I blushed. "Do not! Do not!"

"Mnmmnnn... snoo..." he snored softly.

I giggled. "Sasuke."

"...snoo."

"Sasuke_-_chan*," emphasizing the honorific – I didn't want to have the word uke plastered all over me – hoping that he'd catch that specific part.

I listened. And waited. And waited.

He breathed in quickly and I glanced over hopefully.

"...snoo," he snored lightly, his head lolling so much I was surprised his whole body didn't follow.

"Eh!" I stumbled and rumbled my temple with my index finger and thumb.

Slumping against the couch, I sighed. I needed a new plan.

"What to do. What to do. What to... -oh."

*-chan: a honorific mostly used between lovers in a childish sense. It is mainly used towards females, small boys, and pets.

This idea was perfect. Maybe a bit impulsive, but perfect.

For it made sense. Well, sense to me.

Tilting Sasuke's head gently towards mine, I slowly brought my face closer to his.

I blushed – why I cannot tell you for I do not know why – and brought my mouth to his ear.

Then – without a second thought – I sucked in a mouthful of air.

"QWAAK!"

"You ok Naruto?"

"Yes," I growled, "You?"

"Ya, sure. It's nothing," Sasuke grumbled back to me.

We broke off into uncomfortable silence after that.

You know those times where you felt like a total moron?

This was one of those many times.

You see, I had forgotten one thing to think about when I came up with my _brilliant _plan.

I forgot to think about how Sasuke would react.

And boy, did he react!

When I "qwaak'd" at him, his head shot up, colliding painfully with my own skull.

I could still here the ringing in my ears too.

"Get me an ice pack."

"Sure, Sasuke-sama," I taunted.

Swiftly, I got up, only to slump back down. "Fuck."

I heard Sasuke's voice echo. "Dobe! What's wrong?"

"S'nothing. Dizzy," I groaned. I felt his hand pat me on the head.

"Don't worry. I'll get the ice packs. You stay."

My head spun again as I squinted my eyes only to see the heels of his feet whip around the corner towards the kitchen.

I felt so pathetic – like a helpless uke – as I bumped into the couch. As I raised my head though, I slumped back down. "Damn it..." I mumbled.

"You don't listen do you?" I felt Sasuke breath in my ear.

"D-damn right," I jumped slightly; I hadn't even heard him approach.

"Here," he handed me an ice pack.

As I laid it on the growing lump I sighed in relief.

"Thanks," I said grudgingly.

He laughed lightly at my tone, "Your welcome, Naruto."

My head was still swirling. That hadn't changed – I wish it had though.

But, I still could think; even though Sasuke said I can't. But _who _believes him? He's not _going _to be the future hokage now is he?

"Lots of stuff has happened today. Weird stuff. _Definitely _weird stuff," I confirmed with myself with a smile. "Especially about his hair. His hair is just 'eff'd' up. I mean, why does his hair look

like a duck butt? He must of inherited body* from one of his parents," I thought.

Abruptly, I felt a hand shake my shoulder none too gently.

Shaking out of my reverie, I glanced up to a sight where I began to shake with laughter.

*Body: What I mean by this is hair with body. Not an actual person's body.

Sasuke was sitting in front of me – no that was not the amusing part – but his hair!

It was flattened down by the ice pack, sticking up from underneath as a protest that it wouldn't go flat without a fight.

Impulsively, I swatted the ice pack off his head – only to jump back when his hair stuck up into it's unusual state. "Holy fuck!" I screeched.

"What, usuratonkachi?" he moaned, rubbing the tender lump on his forehead.

"Your hair is alive," I laughed.

Sasuke turned his head towards mine, smirking. "Hahahahaahaa... NO."

I scowled, "Just you wait Sasuke. I _will _see you with that duck-butt hair of yours down."

"Fifteen minutes is up," Sasuke sighed, grabbing the ice pack off my head.

"Right," I said, prodding the lump on my head.

Luckily, my head did nothing more than produce a dull ache.

"I still think your hair looks like a duck's butt, you know," I whispered as he stood up.

Slowly, he walked towards the kitchen;

I heard the sound of a refrigerator being opened; the sound of a glass being put on the counter; the sound of Sasuke's feet padding on the tiled floor.

Looking up, I saw him standing with a single glass in his hand – none for me? – glowering at me visibly irritated.

Then, he flipped the glass over his hair, showering himself.

Understanding, I quickly glanced up at his hair. "Wow... Sasuke's pret-"

Before I could even let the 'ty' part finish, I let my mental sentence – and I mean _mental_ – end right then and there.

A blush brushed my cheeks. "Why did I think that!?"

He is _not_ that 'P-word'. No. No. No!

I looked up and jumped slightly.

Wish his hair didn't spring up like that. It could poke someone's eye out!

I smirked."They should _definitely _have safety regulations for spiky hair like Sasuke's."

I wanted to tear out my hair, "Why isn't _anything _working!? I've tried hair clips, resulting in them flying off his hair smacking me in the face! And I've tried hairspray! Yet that makes his hair

even more deadly"- his hair is as sharp as a spear I tell you- " poking me in the eye in the process!"

"Dobe! Are you done in the bathroom!?"

"No teme!"

"You've said that-"

"Yes, I know, seven times!"

"Hurry up then," he trailed off. My guess was he was going back to sulk.

Bottles were flying; curses were flying; and my mind was still scrambling.

"Why doesn't he have anything stronger than mouse!?" I frantically spat out.

Wait. Why doesn't he have hair gel? "Heh. I wonder."

"Sasuke?"

"Yes dobe..." he sighed.

"Why don't you have hair gel?"

"Don't need it, there's one bottle of some in the back of the draw underneath the sink."

"Can I-"

"Yes, if it makes you move any faster."

"Thanks!" I yelled through the door.

Grabbing a bottle of tinting hair gel, I squeezed out a generous amount into each of the bottles - "Why does he have so many damn shampoo bottles!?" - mixing the gel thoroughly into each

shampoo with my finger. I had to admit, the shampoo had acquired another fruity scent. It smelled so good, sort of like Sasuke's hair. His beauti- NO. "He's not _that _either," I brought my

hand up to my face.

Sasuke threw me a questioning look as I came out of the bathroom smiling my face off.

It wasn't surprising; I mean, who comes out of the bathroom smiling like that after supposedly finished business.

Silently, I passed him. "Let the waiting game begin."

It was just a matter of time now.

"Tmp... tmp... tmp... tmp."

"Ah," I stretched out of my daze. "So, how do you like your- bmphh!"

A fist swirled and contracted with my jaw.

And not a light punch mind you. This one had a good follow through. This punch was filled was rage – and _tears_?

Tears flew through the air like little droplets of water, flicking against my face. They also streamed down Sasuke's face.

"Woah. What's,"- I took a double-take only to leave my mouth hanging open- "wrong."

"He really is pret- I ground my teeth together -ty," I sighed.

His hair was hanging in the air as his body was launched towards mine punching me.

Through there must have been a copious amount of gel slathered in his hair, it still flowed naturally.

And those blue locks! They whirled around like birds! Some gently brushing up against my face; as if they were curious.

Those cold, black, eyes still sent a shiver of guilt up my spine.

They simply portrayed that Sasuke was pissed off. _Very _pissed off.

"You... You usuratonkachi!" he gripped the cuff of my shirt.

"Why did you do it!? Isn't it enough that you can actually live a life filled with tranquility!? Without having to worry about trying to murder your brother!? Isn't it- isn't it..."

"What do you mean 'live a life filled with tranquility'!? My life is _far _away from that teme! In case you've forgotten, I have Kyuubi fucking sealed in me. I've been an outcast! An _outcast_! At

least you've-"

"Shut up Naruto." Sasuke hissed.

I turned. "What did you-"

"I said, _shut up... _NARUTO!"

And then I saw stars glimmering in front of my eyes.

"The world is spinning 'round and 'round. Up and down, up and down."

I was dimly aware of a door slamming against the wall.

"The world is spinning 'round and 'round. Up and down, up and down."

Damn it. I said horrible things. Horrible things.

"The world is spinning 'round and 'round. Up and down, up and- whaa?"

It was so cold in here. Wasn't surprised really, since the door was left open.

Why was it left open again? Oh... right, Sasuke left.

"Oh crap! Sasuke left!? That's not good," I sighed.

How would I study without him? Even though he his a bastard...

Wouldn't I be the bastard? I pretty much pushed him over the edge today.

_Didn't he push you over the edge as well, Naruto? _

"Kyuubi!?"

_You actually remember my name? You've become more intelligent, dobe._

"Shut up. Why the hell are you talking to me?"

_What's with that tone Naruto? We've known each other for years. We could almost be like brothers._

"You? Me? Hah! Our bond is nothing like the bond between brothers. We were _forced _together.

Kyuubi stiffened and growled.

_We may not be brothers, but our bond is something more._

"Something more!? You call having a blood-thirsty fox inside me 'something more'?

_Yes. That is what I said._

"Your wrong."

_I may be wrong in this regard, but I am right in one. You need to find that – how did to refer to him? - oh right. The bastard. You need to find him and beg for forgiveness. _

"No. I do not owe anything to that bastard _especially _forgiveness. Secondly, I don't beg."

A raw rumble came from the nine-tailed fox demon.

_You will beg. _

"What will you do if I don't?" I smirked.

_I'll tell Kakashi that you were the one that stole his Icha Icha Paradise today..._

"How'd you know!?"

_Idiot. Even though you don't acknowledge me, I'm with you all the time._

"Shit! Wait. How will you tell Kakashi when you are inside of me?"

_I'll just wait until you let your guard down and then I'll-_

"...You really will go to extreme lengths won't you?"

_Damn right. Like I said, we are bonded in a way that cannot be explained. And people that are bonded look out for one another. Ne, Naruto?_

"...Fine."

"Thank you so much," I thought with a smile.

As I ran through town, I noticed my own foot prints in the sand everywhere.

_Have you found him yet!?_

"What do you think," I grumbled.

_You'll find him._

"How damn it? He could be anywhere right now!"

_Not anywhere. He'll obviously be away from people._

"There aren't many places that are isolated though..." I sighed.

_Exactly. There aren't. The back of the Ninja Academy underneath the tree is one of them._

"The tree..."

_You remember. The one with the swing._

_Where you met your first tomodachi*._

_*_Tomodachi: friend in Japanese.

_It was summer right? Yes, it was summer. You were sitting on the swing underneath the tree. Alone._

_Then, I remember you looking up and seeing the Uchiha. Suddenly he reached down towards you and offered you a hand. 'Come play with me dobe," he said. Slowly, you grabbed his hand_

_ and that's when I felt your heart swell._

"Ah... the tree."

As I made my way down towards the back of the Ninja Academy, I heard a soft sound.

"Someone's crying," I thought.

And as I turned a corner, I felt a strange mix of nostalgia and deja vu come over me.

Sasuke was huddled over the rope of the swing.

"I- I'm so-sorry! I didn't mean it dobe," he cried into his knee.

Suddenly, he stiffened ever so slightly as I stepped towards him.

"Oi, Sasuke," I called over, trying to sound like I usually would under normal circumstances.

I heard Sasuke's voice waver. "I-I thought I told you to shut up Naruto."

"Have you've been crying Sasuke?"

Inwardly, I cringed. I sounded like a jerk.

Hoarsely, he answered, "What makes you say that usuratonkachi?"

"Your voice is hoarse."

"Th-that's just from running- walking here."

"Mmmhmm..."

Walking over towards him, I extended a hand and watched his tear-streaked face look up at me.

"Come play with me dobe," I said playfully, my hand watching.

I saw his eyes widen. "Naru-naruto..."

And that's when he lost control.

"I'm sorry! I sh-shouldn't have said those things..." Sasuke sobbed into my ear.

"You had every right too. _Every right_."

As he began to calm down, I grabbed him and we began walking back to his house; mine was too far away anyhow.

"What am I going to do about my hair though!? It's still-"

"I like it though," I faced him with my full-on pout.

"But... it so 'uke-like'," he blushed.

"We aren't in a relationship now are we Sasuke. Dirt mind you have," I ruffled his hair.

"Idiot! You know what I meant!"

"So, where do I sleep?" I yawned.

"On the sofa."

"Why!?"

"I only have a futon and I rather not have you straddling me in your sleep."

"Ah..." I coughed.

I was glad Sasuke had thought of that, for I had a tendency to latch on whatever was near me in my sleep.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" I ran through the hall pulling on my orange jacket.

"Shut up usuratonkachi and hurry up!" Sasuke yelled yanking off my animal cap off my head.

"You shut up! It's your fault we are late!" I slammed the door behind us.

Well it was actually my fault. I had forgotten to set the alarm clock last night, letting us sleep on the sofa only to wake up with only thirty minutes to spare.

Not that I minded though. I had woken up in Sasuke's arms; nice and warm. Not that I liked him.

_You so like him._

"I don't Kyuubi!"

"What Naruto?"

"Ah, nothing."

Five seconds left...

"Only one more flight of stairs!" I panted.

Four seconds left...

"Sh-shut dobe and keep running!" was his response.

Three seconds left...

"Almost to the end of the hall..."

Two seconds left...

"Damn! We're almost there dobe!"

One second left...

"So hungry though..." my mouth watered as we passed the cooking class.

"No time!" he yelled as we launched ourselves at our classroom door.

"We made it!"

Ako-sensei glared. "No you didn't! Now sit your butts down and write the test."

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" Naruto whispered.

"A test Uzumaki-san. Didn't you study?"

Once again, I knew I was screwed. Utterly screwed.

* * *

Please review! I want to become a writer! So please tell me how I can improve!


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Naruto, Humor, Romance