Once Upon a Time 1. Seriously, What's Going On?

**Disclaimer : Once Upon A Time does not belong to me.  
**

Emma watched curiously from her spot at the diner counter, hand gripped around a mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and cinnamon of course. Her badge rested next to the newspaper which rested next to a long forgotten bear claw. To say she was confused was an understatement, probably the biggest understatement ever known to mankind. She was currently thinking she had been transported to another reality where Regina Mills was the most popular person in Storybrooke - in a good way.

"Another coffee Regina? It's on the house." Ruby smiled as she poured another coffee.

Emma watched as Regina blinked uncertain but said her thanks and nodded polietly to Ruby who stood there a few more seconds as Snow came bustling in.

"Emma," she nodded to Emma as she sat down beside her blonde haired daughter. "What's wrong?"

"That's the fifth coffee Ruby has given Regina on the house. Even Granny hasn't complained about the fact Ruby has yet to leave her table." Emma blinked not believing a word she just said herself.

"Well Regina is amazing. Magnificent. Beautiful. Intelligent and sexy." Snow smiled dazily at Regina.

Emma's head snapped around to face her mother. _What the fuck? _She had never imagined she'd ever hear something like that come from Snow White or Mary-Margaret or her mother's mouth. Not after everything Regina had done, sure the woman wasn't to blame she had lost everything and had decided in turn to take everything but that was never how her mother looked at things.

"Did I just hear you correctly?" Emma asked.

"Hmm?" Snow looked over to her daughter snapping herself out of her thoughts.

"You just called Regina Beautiful, intelligent and sexy all in the same sentence along with a few more nice phrases." She wasn't going to deny the fact that Regina was beautiful or intelligent or sexy or any of those other phrases but she was so confused that her head felt like it was about to explode.

"I believe I did." One more dreamy stare at Regina and Emma spun to look towards Granny who made her way over to her. "Cause she is."

Granny nodded, "No argument from me."

Emma blinked looking between the three women in question and the one they seemed to all be fawning over. _I repeat! What the fuck? _

"I'll take the apple pie and a hot chocolate."

"Apple pie really Sn-mom?" Emma asked. "Aren't you cautious of all things apple?"

"But Regina loves apples," Snow said as if it were the most simplest of answers.

_Seriously what the hell is going on here? _"And why would you care what Regina likes?"

"Another one Regina?"

"No thank you Ruby that'll be all."

The smooth voice came out and Emma felt Snow shudder beside her. Not in the fearful way or hateful way but in the pleasant way most people do when they find somebody undeniably attractive.

"You sure it's on the house." Ruby pushed, "Just one more." She persisted.

Regina shook her head and stood placing a twenty on the table.

Granny spoke up before Ruby could open her mouth and hand back the money. "It's on the house Regina."

_Okay Jefferson you can come out now. You got me. Bring out the cameras. Your not fooling anybody anymore. _Emma awaited for any sign that proved she was being punked but none came.

"I'd prefer to pay for it." Regina insisted shaking her head when Ruby pushed the note into her hand.

"I got it," Snow pushed over a twenty towards Granny. "It's on me." With that said she smiled dreamily at Regina.

Regina creased her brow and looked between the three women who were continuing to treat her as a VIP. Emma noticed and was grateful to find Regina just as confused by their actions. Still there was a part of Emma that was now even more curious since one of her number one suspects just flew out the window due to the same odd look they were both sporting.

"Tha-"

"Please Regina allow me to pay for it." Snow pleaded giving Regina her best puppy dog look.

"Are you feeling okay Snow?" Regina questioned the young woman. Her day had gotten stranger as it went along. First with Belle giving her a beaming good morning and a rather large botique of flowers and some sweet words, even going as far as too accompany her to the diner. At first she had been annoyed but she had found surprisingly enough that herself and Belle seemed to have a few things in common, mostly it revolved around literature but it was still something in common. This lead to the walk being pleasant.

"I'm fine. Why do I not look okay?" Snow brushed back her hair and wiped her mouth on her sleeve. "Better?"

Regina blinked a few times obviously stunned into silence. "I think I'm just going to go."

"How's dinner sound tonight?" Snow quickly stood and asked before the woman could escape in her blaze towards the door.

Emma and Regina shared a look of disbelief between each other. Both looked to be completely confused unbelieving the fact that Snow White was offering to pay for the former Evil Queen's breakfast.

"I don't thin-"

Snow cut Regina off with a warm friendly smile. "You'd get to see Henry."

Emma snapped her head around to face Snow. _Do I get a say in this? Not that I have a problem with Regina seeing Henry it's just - what the fuck? _Emma's facial expressions must have given Regina the wrong idea because the brunette shook her head sadly.

"Emma you won't mind will you? After all your going on a date with August tonight. I think it would be a great idea to allow Regina to spend sometime with Henry." Snow said keeping her attention on the brunette.

_Crap!_ She had forgotten about that date. "No of course not, Henry's been asking about you anyway. I think it'll be good for him." She gave Regina her very own warm smile.

Regina nodded curtly, "Very well, what time would be appropriate? Anything I should bring?"

"Say around six should be fine and bring nothing but yourself." With that Snow smiled warmly.

Emma more felt then saw the death glares eminating of Ruby and Granny in the direction of Snow who was completely ignorant of them. _Seriously what the hell was going on around here? And who the fuck is responsible for it?_

**TBC**


	2. She's Mine She's Mine She's Mine

**Thank you everyone for all your reviews 23 altogether and this is just my second story. I'm amazed. Also I will be using your guys suggestions in future chapter especially rickmantics suggestion of having them creepily stalking Regina whispering 'why you so perfect?' and a few others. Hopefully this chapter does the previous one justice. Coming up next - Dinner with Snow, Emma, Henry, Charming and a few uninvited guests. Also the question to what is going on and whose responsible will be shown in a future chapter maybe four or five.  
Also I don't plan on writing long Authors notes unless there's something that needs to be said. So this is for future reference a thank you to all my reviewers you guys will keep me updating. Thanks again to everyone.**

"So I think maybe we could go for a picnic afterward or maybe back to my room at Granny's?"

Emma blinked a few times as she watched from over August's shoulder as Kathryn and..._the Blue Fairy? What the fuck? _Circled a frustrated Regina as she tried making her way from her car to the grocery store. Emma could tell from her spot next to August on the bench that Regina was trying to keep from incinerating the pair.

August took Emma's facial expression as a decline to the idea and quickly put up his hands. "It was just a thought. I mean Henry's going to Snow's for a the night so I figured we could spend the night together."

Soon enough Emma spotted her mother pulling up in a hurry _didn't she have a lunch date with Dav-Jam-Da- Note to self; find out mans real name. Either way didn't she have a lunch date with him. _Emma watched as Snow barrelled past a few pedestrians who stared curiously after her as she finally made purchase next to an even more irritated brunette.

She used every bit of her Bounty Hunter skills and zoned in on the conversation.

"So I was thinking lasagne," Snow said as she looped her arm within a surprised Regina's.

"Wait your going to her place?" Kathryn pointed towards Snow. Even though they were back to themselves and Kathryn was _supposed _to be happily in love with Fredrick she was still hurt by too-many-names man and Mary-Margaret slash Snow White.

"I make a killer roast," the Blue Fairy pointed out giving a tug on Regina's other arm.

"I'm sure you do." Regina mumbled under her breath but plastered her face with a smile _be nice for Henry. Be nice for Henry. Be nice for Henry. _She chanted in a mantra to herself as she felt another tug this time in Snow's direction.

"I'm making the lasagne the way you love it." Snow said with a glare thrown in the Blue Fairies direction.

"Well what about Apple Pie. I make a mean Apple Pie." Kathryn pointed out slipping in between Snow and Regina.

Regina breathed a sigh of relief. Glad she had her friend there beside her.

"Would you like to come for dinner instead. I bet I could make a better lasagne then Snow White."

_Or maybe not._

Snow stopped in front of the three women stopping their route through the supermarket. With a victory smirk on her face she gave the final battle cry for the round, "Henry's looking forward to seeing you Regina."

Emma watched from across the street and through the open door of the supermarket to see Kathryn's hand drop from the crook of Regina's elbow and she could feel the heat from glares coming off the other two women. _What the hell has the town been taking? _Emma glanced down to the glass of water in August's hand that he had gotten from the tap at Granny's diner.

She watched a few seconds as he brought the glass to his lips to take his first sip. She snapped her hand out and slapped the glass away, "Don't drink that!" She yelled as it shattered against the pavement.

"What the hell?" August looked from Emma to his glass of water. "What did you do that for?"

"Shut up! Trying to listen!" Emma chastised as she zoned in once again too Regina and the other's leaving a blinking and confused August sitting staring at her.

Ruby siddled up along the footpath with Henry in tow chattering away about his day at school and Emma briefly wondered why she had allowed Ruby to take him for a few hours to help with his maths homework.

Ruby rounded a corner into the supermarket and strode purposefully up to the former Mayor - currently the most popular person in Storybrooke from the looks of things. "Regina look who wanted to see you!" Ruby called earning herself and the little boy Regina's attention.

Regina smiled warmly from Ruby down to Henry who beamed back at her. It had taken a while for him to fully understand that she was trying. She had stopped magic altogether not even to heal people, she didn't want the temptation. Not again. "Henry."

"Mom you have got to hear about what we did today in school? We built a volcano and mine erupted the biggest, it had lava oozing out in goo." He said in an excited voice.

"Why don't we go have lunch and he can tell you about his day?" Ruby asked with a triumphant smile.

Henry took his mother's hand and began to drag her out of the supermarket as he continued on about his day to a smiling Regina.

Ruby turned to the group of gaping onlookers, the face's shone with looks that said 'you cheater'. With a smirk thrown over her shoulder she sauntered away after the mother and son. She quietly mouthed to the onlookers 'Score one for the wolf'.

But apparently Emma's mother was having none of that and quickly spoke up before they could vanish. "Henry I was planning on making your's and your Mom's favorite for dinner tonight but I don't know all the ingredients and I could have some help cooking it. Do you want to help? You can help with desert and tell her all about your day whilst doing it."

Henry spun around on his heel and beamed brightly before looking up at his mother. "Can we Mom I want to help with the lasange. Can we?"

There was no way Regina could ever say no to that. "Of course Henry. I'd love to help Snow."

"Excellent," she squealed in delight as Henry took off dragging his Mom along, down the aisles with a basket in hand. When they were out of sight she turned to the other three, "Whose in the lead now?" With that she waltzed after her prize.

"Emma? Emma? Emma!"

Emma snapped her attention towards the man who was currently waving his hand furiously in front of her face. "What?"

"You sought of zoned out there and started muttering _she's mine. She's mine. She's mine _like a chant. It started to become creepy."

_Dinner. Mother. Craziness. Muttering. What? _"What are you talking about August?"

"You were sitting there glaring at me going _she's mine. She's mine. She's mine. _You looked ready to rip my head off. What's going on?"

Emma shook her head, "It wasn't at yo-You know what I'm going to have to cancel our date tonight something...came up."

"Something? Emma this is the first time we'll have alone together."

Emma spotted Regina, Snow and Henry walking through the store together. They looked like a family a happy one at that, even Regina was smiling. _Oh hell no that kid is mine and Regina's. Might be your grandkid Snow but no way in hell can you play happy family with Regina. _

"Emma? Emma!"

Emma looked back towards August to find him staring at her oddly. "Huh?" She asked weakly her mind was still on other things.

"Our date? You can't cancel it."

Emma shook her head. "Sorry? What date?"

"Our date for tonight."

"Can't go must stop Snow and Reg-" Emma finally noticed the curious look coming from August. "Gotta go. Can't make it." She hoped that would suffice because for now that was all she was giving as she jumped to her feet and zoomed down the footpath and across the road to the suerpmarket leaving behind a bewildered August and the memory of Emma's chant.

_**TBC**_


	3. Dinner With The Charmings And Who?

**Okay a few things before we get on with the story...  
1: Emma is not infected with the same thing as everyone else and there is a reason why she isn't in the next chapter.  
2: We will find out what happened and why everyone is acting like they are in the next chapter.  
3: This chapter might not be as funny as the previous two but it was basically a way for me to get to the next chapter.  
4: The women of Storybrooke are only going to end up more obsessed if anyone has any suggestions for what they want to happen any ideas of ways that the women in SB can show their obsession feel free to PM me or leave it in a Review. Credit will be given it's due.**

_Dinner at the Charmings? Who thought this would be a good idea? _Regina asked herself as she continued her staring contest with the Prince sitting across the table. It had been going on a good twenty minutes now, she was sure of it, even though she hadn't removed her eyes to check her watch. No she wouldn't give into the staring contest, it was only a matter of time before one of them blinked and broke. It wouldn't be her.

Emma barged through the door nearly falling inside which startled to man and woman at the table out of their staring contest to focus on the sudden and loud interuption. "Sorry," she whispered with a small smile.

"Miss Swan, I believe I remember Snow telling me you had a date with the wooden puppet." Regina said with a raised eyebrow at the blonde's appearance. She was usually dressed in her red jacket but this time she was cleaned up in neatly pressed..._Sheriff uniform? Now you've seen it all Regina? _and for once Regina had to agree with her inner voice.

"Date? What date?" Emma asked with a wave of her hand. Honestly she had only agreed to the stupid thing because her parents had been nagging her about dating Neal and that was bigger hell no than August. She couldn't exactly have the one person she wanted, she couldn't date her, oh hell no she couldn't if her Dad's expression that he was shooting the woman across from him was anything to go by. Her mother however...

"Okay dinner is ready," Snow bustled out of the kitchen with Henry in tow beaming as the pixie haired woman carried in a large lasagna pan nearly over flowing with lasagna.

Emma watched as her mother placed the pan in the center of the table but more away from her father and closer to Regina. _Maybe it really is the water _Emma thought as she watched Snow slide in beside Regina with a wide smile. It just got crazier.

"Emma what are you doing here? What happened with August?" Snow asked without taking her eyes of Regina who was shifting uncomfortably under the gaze.

"August?"

Regina looked up at the blonde and blinked. _Had everybody in the town been taking drugs or something? _"The puppet Miss Swan."

"Oh him, nah we weren't going to work out. He's too...weird." Emma slid into the seat next to her father as Henry clambered up to the head of the table next to Regina. Emma was glad in some way that Henry and Regina were getting a chance to hang out with one another but did her mother have to use Henry for her own advantage...why was she using Henry to get closer to Regina?

"Well dig in then!" Snow exclaimed with a clap of her hands.

Emma moved to serve herself some lasagna but was met with a slap of her hand as her mother served Regina first. Looking from her mother to the brunette she noticed the questioning glance shot around the table, that eventually turned to a satisfied smirk once it landed on her father next to her. She had a feeling this dinner wasn't going to go well.

Half an hour later and Emma noticed the last slice of Lasagna sitting in the pan. She was about to reach for it just as her father did. It was a usual occurence that happened at the dinner table, they usually ended up fighting over who got the last piece but for the first time ever they where met with two slaps and glare from Snow.

"What?"

"What?"

Emma looked between her father and her mother who nodded towards Regina.

"The guest gets the last piece."

Regina opened her mouth to refuse but at the glare shot her way from Charming she re-thought what she was going to say and scooped the last slice of lasagna out of the pan and set it on the plate in front of her. Well she couldn't incinerate the annoying man, or his wife but she could definitely enjoy the VIP treatment that seemed to be rendering her more important to Snow than her own husband.

Emma watched as Regina dug the fork into the lasagna and lifted it before placing it in her mouth. Her red lips encircling the silver utensil with what Emma saw as seductive, however she guessed her father saw more mischief, defiance and satifactory than seductive. God was the room getting hot or what?

Regina slowly ate the last remnants of lasagna on her plate smirking at Charming through the whole ordeal as the man sat across from her glaring. She wanted to laugh and laugh so hard that she could feel her insides screaming and clawing to let it out. Oh god was she enjoying this. Who knew torturing Charming would only require favoritism from his wife and taking the last slice of lasagna. If she had know that, perhaps destroying their happiness would have been a lot simpler than it was.

As the plate was pushed away from Regina, Emma heard the faint sounds of knocking on the door and quickly snapped her attention away from the beautiful brunette and down to her watch that read 8:03, _who the hell could be here at this time of the night? _Emma looked towards the door as Charming stood and made his way over to it.

Regina cringed.

Emma grimaced, groaned and slammed her head down onto the table.

Snow's face was red and if she were a cartoon she would more then likely have steam coming out of her ears.

Charming...Charming dove for cover as Ruby, Kathryn, Mother Superior, Astrid, Granny, Belle and a few other people that lived in Fairytale Land barged in through the open door.

Emma turned her head so her cheek rested on the table as she looked over towards the door, a little bit further away she noted a head of brown hair peek up and over the couch they were still moving in curiousity at the onslaught of guests. Charming's features not only held curiousity but also a hint that he was wondering if it were safe to come out yet.

"Regina, how good to see you here? I didn't think you'd actually show up at the Charming's house. You'd be safer with me I wouldn't try poisoning you." Granny spoke as she roughly pulled Regina to her feet and closer to her.

Astrid on the other hand had reached for Regina's opposite elbow and gave a sharper tug loosening Regina from Granny's arms and sending her stumbling into the other womans open embrace.

Regina squirmed loose from the embrace but was still held firmly within the fairies hands.

"Oh please Ruby told you she was going to be here," Astrid spoke with vehemence before turning to the frustrated Regina with a warm smile and tone. "Me on the other hand had no idea you would be here but I can't say it's not welcome."

Emma watched Astrid run her hand lightly up Regina's arm which didn't last long when the brunette flinched and cringed trying to back away as she was ripped from Astrids grip and forced into the Blue Fairies.

_Oh god I've walked straight into hell _Regina cringed again and was so close to incinerating everyone but Henry's face over near Charming's reminded her that she was stopping magic for that little boy. She was trying to prove she didn't need it but god oh god did she need it now.

"You shouldn't be so forceful with a woman like Regina, she should be treated with care and consideratio-"

Ruby yanked harder on Regina and wrapped her arms around the woman and secured the brunette's back to her chest with her arms. "Mayor Mills needs to be shown a good time a really good time." Throwing a look over her shoulder she gave the pixie haired woman a victory wink before the brunette in her arms was quickly and more harshly tugged away from her.

Emma nearly took cover behind the couch with her father and Henry when the room went alight with women screaming and yanking Regina around like a rag doll. She could see claws where nearly ready to come out and that somebody was going to get hurt...that was if Regina didn't decide to send any of them to a new realm - somewhere far, far away in another galaxy.

She watched her mother launch herself across the kitchen counter and into Ruby dragging them both to the floor which started a rather rambuctious cat fight that had shoes, socks...underwear? and other articles of clothing flying over the small apartment. Looking around Emma noticed that Regina had dove for cover behind the couch with Henry. After having pushed Charming out of his position to make room for her, Charming now stood in the middle of the apartment surrounded by women who eventually dragged him into the fray with a long scream that eventually disappeared as he was dragged further and further down into the depths of the pile.

Emma was tempted to reach for her father's hand which was sticking up through the pile of frenzied women. She could hear the pleads of her father above all else. She could hear the painful screams of a man being scratched and clawed at by women. She couldn't see him. Only his hand. She made a cross sign and sent up a little prayer that her father went as painlessly as possible. When she heard her father's cries get louder she knew that hadn't worked and quickly did the next best thing and dove for cover behind the couch with Regina and Henry. There was no way in hell she was ending up like her father.

What seemed like years later both Regina and Emma had managed to maneuver the battlefield where bodies lay astrewn all over the apartment. Regina dragging Emma into a secluded spot that lay behind cover from anything thrown or any of the violence as Henry continued his bravery behind the couch as the action started to spread more and more.

Emma swore as she moved through the apartment with Regina that she could hear Snow's battlecries and a few separate counter attacks thrown back. The moment Emma found a spot with Regina she found herself pressed up against the wall with Regina shaking her by the shoulders.

"Tell me...tell me you have your sanity..." Regina spoke frantically before tilting her head slightly, "...at least what little bit you had to begin with."

"Well I'm not apart of World War Regina now am I?"

Regina and Emma poked their heads around the corner and quickly snapped them back in as a shoe flew passed their heads. Emma recognized it as Charmings and cringed, she had left him behind but certain things weren't designated 'leave no man behind', something were designated 'every man, woman and child for themselves' and this. Looking around the corner once again she ducked backwards as the second shoe flew past her head, it was definitely catergorized under the latter.

"What the hell is going on?"

Emma shook her head, "I have no idea." Emma screwed up her face, "Their so touchy feely with you, their fighting for your attention, their making you home cooked meals..." Emma's grew angry, "Why the hell are they touching you? Why are they always touching you? My mother and Ruby are keeping score did you know? Hell even the blue fairy is involved. This is turning into chao-"

Regina interupted in thought as she glared over the blondes shoulder at nothing in particular, "Rumpelstiltskin."

"Huh?" Emma crinkled her brow. Folding her arms across her chest she looked defiantly around the corner to the mess, "Why can't they go be touchy feely with him? Why can't they stop nee-" Emma found a hand covering her mouth as she was silently dragged towards the door.

Together they slipped out into the night while leaving a fearful Henry behind in the midst of a war zone.

_**TBC**_


	4. You What?

**Sorry for the late update guys, Law school has been a little trying lately. This chapter goes out to reviewer 'naturalbliss' who suggested flat tires. So hopefully I didn't disappoint. Suggestions will be used in upcoming chapters. So thank you all, keep suggesting if you want to see something.**

"Regina!" Ruby called out from behind.

"Wait for me!" Blue yelled from her spot next to Ruby.

"I know you want me!" Snow wailed as she took head position in the chase.

_Whoooooooooooa!  
Too frickin' fast!  
Back up!  
Be kind: rewind._

Terror struck Emma when her foster mother let go of her hand, abandoning her in that crowded kindergarten room-

_Jesus! Not that far back! Half an hour, not a frickin' lifetime!_

_**30 Minutes Ago**_

Regina barged into Gold's antique store dragging Emma along as the door slammed open with a loud _Thwack! _against some precious item or another. Well at least it was classified as precious in real world terms and not Fairy friggin' Tale world.

"Gold!" Regina screamed, called, wailed, yelled, whatever into the store.

It rattled the windows, shook the antiques and quaked the ground. Emma had been on the receiving end more than once, she knew the power that was held behind that call, behind Regina's voice. It wasn't one to be ignored and apparently the figure that stepped out from the back room to counter agreed with her.

Releasing the death grip she had on Emma's wrist, Regina stepped up too Gold. "Erase whatever it is you did, this instance." Her voice was cold.

Yet another tone Emma had been on the receiving end off.

"Whatever do you mean dear?" Gold said in his normal chipper tone.

"You know what I mean."

"Fraid' not dearie."

Regina growled and glared at the imp man in front of her. She was a hair spray away from leaping across the counter and murdering the man. Sure she probably wouldn't succeed and only end up killing herself but she'd have the satisfaction off at least feeling the mans throat encased in her hands.

Emma jumped in. She had been on the receiving end of that glare before as well and that hadn't ended well...either time. "Gold, stop playing around and just undo whatever you did."

The man sighed but reluctantly answered with a thin smile of disdain on his face. "It's not...something...I can just..." he thought it through a few seconds before answering, "...undo."

"What do you mean you can't just undo it?" Emma asked for Regina who looked to be trying to calm herself down.

"It's a spell that can't just be undone."

"You had better undo it you imp," Regina spoke.

"Embarrassed to say actually that I have no idea how to undo this spell." He said actually looking unpleased by the admission.

"Would it be enough incentive to tell you that Belle is also quite taken with Regina?" Emma asked hoping above all else that, that would in fact get him to take back whatever the hell he had done.

"Trust me I have no wish for Belle to be all over..." he pointed with disdain on his face at Regina, "...her, but alas I cannot take it back. I honestly don't know how."

"What did you do?" Regina asked.

"I used a bit of the magic that Cupid uses for the tips of his arrows."

Emma looked in disbelief at man. "You made the women of Storybrooke fall in love with Regina? How exactly does that work to destroy her, apart from driving her mad?"

"That's not what I had intended to do," he admitted.

"What was your intention than?" Regina asked, wrapping her arms around herself in that defensive posture she usually used when building back up her walls.

Emma noticed.

"It was supposed to be used on just you and the savior."

"What!"

"What!

"Why in the world-"

"Why the fuck-"

"Miss Swa-"

"Regi-"

"Both of you!" Gold yelled out of character. "One at a time please," he wasn't his usual chipper self and they both guessed it had something to do with Belle being infatuated with Regina.

Emma shut her mouth and decided that it was best for Regina to question, after all not only was this her problem but she did know more about magic than anyone else in the town with the exception of the man standing across from her.

Regina took a deep breath and question. "Why were you using Cupid's magic on me and...and..." Regina cringed as she looked over towards Emma, "Miss Swan?"

Gold sighed. "It got to be quite ridiculous the way you two danced around each other, so I figured I'd give you two a slight push. It was only meant to be sexual, to release all that tension you two build up while around each other."

Emma blinked.

"You what?!" Regina lauched herself across the counter hands catching Gold's lapels dragging the man to the ground.

Emma stood in shock for a second. She had never seen Regina lose control so much as to go so out of character. Quickly Emma scampered around the counter and yanked Regina up from Gold pulling the brunette up and behind her out of harms way, and the mans sure to be wrath.

"Let me go Miss Swan!" Regina shook the hand Emma hand on her arm off her. "Did you not just hear what he said?"

Gold stood up with a slight wobble before grabbing his cane to steady out his balance.

"Well that worked out well didn't it," Emma said retorically with sarcasm. "How the hell did that go wrong?"

Regina calmed herself, took a step back away from the other two occupants and turned to face Gold once again. "Something had to have gone wrong?"

Gold looked thoughtful for a moment. "I have no idea. It seems to have spread."

"Yeah to every female in Storybrooke, not the males." Emma countered thumbs in the belt loops of her pants.

Neal pushed open the door with a thud. "Why the hell is there a mob of women walking towards the store mumbling _Regina _under their breaths?"

Regina squeezed her eyes shut.

Emma groaned.

Gold cringed. "Is Belle with that group?"

Neal thought for a moment before nodding. "Actually she's leading the group at the moment, she's also wearing a T-shirt with Regina's face on it." Looking between the three occupants he inquired, "What's going on?"

Regina moved towards the door leaving the other two occupants to answer. Emma moved with her, leaving Gold and Neal in the store alone. Making their way to the car they could hear the mob in the vast distance calling Regina's name in that spooky way that made you think of the 'The Mummy'.

"What the hell?!" Regina exclaimed looking at the tires of her car they were all slashed.

"Regina love me," Snow said popping her head up from the opposite side of the car, hand gripping onto the scalpel she held.

Emma grabbed hold of Regina's elbow and tugged the woman into a run.

_Left!  
Right!  
Left!  
Right!_

Emma told herself as their feet clambered in tune with one another against the ground as they ran from the group behind them.

"Hey Emma! Regina!" Archie called as the two women zoomed past him, paying no attention to the curious look he was giving. Giving a small shrug he took a step forward, Pongon yanking himself from his owners hand to dive out the way from the oncoming stampede. Archie wasn't so lucky and was quickly bowled over as the women trampeled over him in a desperate attempt to catch the brunette.

Another corner. Another street. Another right. Another left. Granny's sign.

_Oh god I'm so hungry _Emma thought to herself _Apple pie! Hot chocolate! Bear claw! Grilled cheese!_

"Now isn't the time to be thinking about your stomach Miss Swan," Regina said in a pant from her spot beside Emma. She was fit she couldn't say she wasn't but she had never prepared herself to run from a mob - considering who she was she probably should have, years and years ago.

"Regina!" Ruby called out from behind.

"Wait for me!" Blue yelled from her spot next to Ruby.

"I know you want me!" Snow wailed as she took head position in the chase.

A few more shouts came their way but Emma and Regina were to busy sprinting down the street, their legs carrying them faster than possible. The group of women was quickly giving chase behind them. They were closing in and fast.

"The Pier," Regina said in between pants.

A left. A Right and suddenly they were running towards the pier.

"I have pie!" Belle yelled quickly overtaking Snow and the rest of the group. "Come back to me Regina!"

Emma and Regina quickly pulled to a stop. They were cornered, no way to escape they had backed themselves up against a railing that overlooked the ocean. The only way out was in the direction of mob of women.

Regina looked around her for a few seconds. This was insane. "Fuck this!" Regina breathed out.

Emma turned to look at the woman who had made the uncanny remark, only to find the woman gone and a loud _Splash!_ sounding behind her. Looking over the railing into the water she found Regina surfacing with a spout of water from her mouth. Emma looked back to the barrage of women stampeding towards her. By the looks of it they would roughly barrel her out the way to reach their target. With no second though Emma clambered the railing and sharply dove into the water, surfacing beside Regina. Together they swam away leaving the screaming, yelling and wailing women behind.

**TBC**


	5. Trackstar Regina

**Probably not as funny but I found it difficult to write something funny after the last episode. Seriously disappointed but here's hope for next week. Either way this story will more than likely only have three or four more chapter, maybe more but so far I'm only going with 3 or 4. Thanks for the reviews.  
**

* * *

Emma swam behind Regina who was easily cutting through the water towards the pier at the other end of the docks. The quiet screams and calls of 'Regina' and numerous other things were left behind in the distance. Regina pulled to a stop a fair distance away from the pier while Emma kept swimming eventually coming smack bang into an invisible barrier.

"Ouch! Shit!"

"Language, Miss Swan." Regina chastised.

"Really, Regina?" Emma gave Regina a look of disbelief but was ignored by the woman staring up at the face that connected with half a neck and slowly vanished into the invisible barrier. "The ship!" She had never been so glad in her life to see that pirate and his ship.

"Aye, not just any ship. The Jolly Roger my dear lass. Now what dare I ask lasses are you doing in the water?"

Emma continued to tred the water with Regina as they both stared up at the pirate's face. "Just give us a hand!"

"Now lass why would I do such a thing? I don't want those crazy women on board."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Two choices Hook you either help us or I'll fry your sorry ass."

Hook extended his hands in defense past the barrier so they showed. "Very well, your Majesty." He said sarcastically with what Emma and Regina had to suspect was mocking bow included before turning and disappearing past the invisible barrier. A few minutes later Regina found a life line thrown towards her and a few seconds later she was hoisted up and onto board the main deck of the Jolly Roger. Emma followed closely behind with a clumsy fall to the deck that landed with her head in a bucket that she was currently having a hard time removing.

Emma heaved and strained to pull the bucket of her head.

"Well I must say it is a refreshing change."

"Re-na!" The voice came muffled as Emma stomped.

"I thought everyone was unanimous about me not using magic." Regina countered.

"Re-na!"

With a roll of her eyes, Regina, waved her hand making the bucket vanish of Emma's head. Turning to take in the ship she found an amused Hook staring on at them as he cradled his hook in his good hand as he usually did when plotting or focusing on something rather intently. "Yes?"

"Nothing, your Majesty." It was said with sarcasm but the remark 'Majesty' had always been said with some respect from Hook. He honestly didn't care who was in charge, he followed no laws anyway, but if he did and he got the choice to vote, he'd vote Regina the woman never bothered him...well not that much. "So do I wish to know why you have all the women in this quaint little town chasing after you? And why you're on board my ship with Miss Swan?"

"It doesn't effect me for some strange reason." Emma said with a shrug as she cringed and wrang out the soaked shirt she was wearing.

"Regina?" It was faint but it was heard among the light footfalls of numerous people.

Regina, Emma and Hook's heads popped up and all movement and conversation on the deck of the Jolly Roger ceased immediately. The quiet of the deck allowed for the voice's to be heard.

"I love you Regina. Come back to me."

"I won't leave you."

"You so pretty."

"I want you."

They quickly saw the first foot that quickly turned into a leg, then a body and then a head and soon numerous people were swarming the ship. Hook looked towards the two women as he picked up the only object he found close to him on his boat which happened to be the bucket Emma had gotten stuck on her head previously. "You two go! I'll try and delay them as much as I can!" He turned pushed forward past the women. "You will not have my ship!" With that he charged bravely into the fray off women knocking numerous figures over in his charge, he was quickly out number and soon they swarmed him dragging him down to the ground much like they did to Charming.

Regina gave thought to the situation of Hook being trampeled by the women. Regina took a step forward to help but quickly stopped, taking two steps back to compensate, all the while her hands were raised defensively. "What the hell am I doing?"

"We have to help him!" Emma declared picking up a piece of wood.

"Leave me!" The call came as a scream echoed around the boat and the crying prayers of a pirate were taken in the wind.

Regina shrugged. "As you wish." With that Regina hoisted herself over the side of the boat and onto the decks below, breaking her fall with a roll she jumped to her feet and sprinted down the pier and away from the docks, with not so much as a look back.

Emma looked at the women who quickly deserted the frightened, pale, ghostly looking pirate lying on the deck of his ship muttering prayers to any god that would listen, that he would be spared a painful death. She gave the man a quick apologetic smile before stepping over him and running after the group of women who were once again chasing after Regina.

"Hey, Regina!" Archie said with an excited wave and a curious expression on his face that was covered in dirt marks. He readjusted his surprisingly still intact frames and tried straightening out his clothes.

"Not now bug," Regina retorted pushing past the psychologist and continuing her sprint down the street.

Archie took his glasses off and quickly wiped away the dirt with his shirt and began to put them back on. _Why was everyone running today?_ He turned to Pongo to find out if he knew the answer to the internal question only to find the dog cowering underneath a car. "Huh?" He turned and once again was knocked over by the group of women. Flattened to the pavement they trampeled over him once again in their pursuit of Regina Mills...his glasses...well they weren't so lucky this time round. He would be needing some psychology himself at this rate.

"Hey Archie," Emma said with a curteous nod in the direction of the psychologist lying on the footpath beaten and confused as she sprinted past him.

Regina closed in on the apartment where Henry and Charming stood out the front off, Henry looked confused and Charming - well his shirt was half on him and half torn away and his jeans were missing one leg, he was standing bare foot on the footpath, his hair messed and sticking up like he had stuck his finger in a power point.

As Regina passed she nodded to her son, "Hi dear." Turning to face Charming she gave him a cold stare, "Looking as presentable as Prince, as always." She rolled her eyes as she ran past him mumbling an, "Idiot."

Charming and Henry watched on as Ruby ran past wailing. "You're my one and only!"

Belle ran past. "Be with me forever!"

Granny ran past. "Why are you so perfect?!"

Kathryn ran past. "I know you want me!"

Charming and Henry did a double take as Snow ran past screaming. "I will always find you!" Followed by the large group of female Storybrooke towns people.

"Hey Dad, you got a little something," she motioned to his cheek where it was smeared with dirt. "We'll be home late!" She called back over her shoulder as she sped to catch up.

Charming and Henry looked towards one another before turning back to the women running down the street of Storybrooke. Decided, they ran after them.

Regina sprinted faster closing in on her mansion. She took a sharp turn around her hedges and pushed on faster down the path until she barrelled in through the door, slamming it shut behind her as she quickly magicked a large and heavy block of cement in front of it, nearly as tall as the door itself. She could hear the moans, groa-

The back door opened and in fell Emma, Charming and Henry. _Crap! Back door Regina! _Regina sprinted towards the door, leapt over the three bodies on the floor, sending herself flying towards the door. Her body connected with the door as it slammed shut with heavy heaves for oxygen she sat with her back against the door.

"What the hell is going on?" Charming asked getting to his feet.

"Were do we start?"

Regina turned to Emma, the woman looked to be a little roughed up and that more than likely had to with the group of women now trying to beat the door down. "Better question is how do we fix this?"

"Maybe it wears off."

"Regina marry me!"

"Regina I love you!"

"She's mine Granny!" Ruby yelled.

"You keep your stinking paws of off her!" Granny yelled back.

"She's mine! She loves me!" Snow called.

Regina turned back to the door at the sounds of muffled groans and screams of pain. She opened the door a crack and poked her head outside from the bottom of the door. Emma's head soon joined Regina's above, then Henry's, then Charmings. This was getting out of hand. Regina looked up towards Emma who gave a small shrug.

The fighting continued for a few minutes before Emma decided 'Enough' was 'Enough'. She pulled out her gun from it's spot tucked into her pants. She stepped outside and into the middle of the rumble. Raising it in the air, she aimed it upwards and pull the trigger silencing all screams, noises and ceasing each fight as heads snapped up towards her.

"Everyone calm the fuck down!" Emma yelled.

The Storybrooke women stood and looked around at each other.

Snow threw her fist into the air and declared. "Get her!"

"Wait n-" Emma didn't get to finish as the crowd leapt onto Emma dragging her down.

"We have to do something! We have to save her!" Charming exclaimed to Regina who still sat near the door in what seemed to be fear.

"Yeah, you go do that." Regina nodded. "Anything specific you want on your tombstone?"

**TBC**


	6. Things Went A Little Crazy

**Okay I have to talk about this because I have to give everyone reading this a warning...Things, well they went a little crazy and by crazy I mean really truly insane by the end of this I hope that you had a good laugh with this chapter but...I'm sure you'll be wondering 'WTF?" by the end. Anyone thank you to all my reviewers, favoriters and followers.**

* * *

"They were everywhere. Clawing, poking, biting - everywhere."

Regina, Charming and Henry watched as Emma muttered sitting on the floor in the corner of Regina's bedroom, knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them and rocking back forth as she stared at nothing across the room.

"They wouldn't stop. Just...kept...coming." Emma continued muttering, "Everywhere. Everywhere."

"So what now?" Henry asked first breaking the silence for the first time in thirty minutes and since Regina had pulled Charming back into the house before he did anything stupid, had magicked herself into the pile of women and magicked out with Emma. Since then...well Emma rocking back and forth in her bedroom corner was basically all that had happened and it was becoming tiring...yet still amusing.

Regina looked down at her son beside her. "Uh-"

"Gold!" Charming declared.

Regina shook her head. "Already tried. He's the reason we got into this mess and believe it or not but...I believe that he might not actually know how to fix this."

Giving her an odd look Charming inquired. "Why would he do this? Make every woman in Storybrooke chase after you?"

"Well it actually backfired, I don't know how it did but it did and this was the result."

Another odd look from Charming. "What was its original intention?"

A smirk formed on Regina's face, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. Before answering she turned to Henry told him to stick his fingers in his ears, which he groaned and grumbled about for a few minutes before obeying. Making sure he really couldn't hear she turned to the father of the distraught woman in the corner, still rocking back and forth muttering to herself. The smirk grew wider and more evil if possible. "Well if you insist on knowing. It was to take care of your daughter and my own sexual tension. Apparently we generate a lot of it and Gold thoug-"

Charming paled at Regina's words as the rest of it faded out, eyes rolling to the back of his head he fell backwards. The thud of the man's head bouncing of the floor was enough for Regina and she finally stopped talking as Henry rounded on his grandfather, worry on his face.

Turning to his mother he asked, "Is Grandpa going to be alright."

With a sigh she replied. "Sadly...Yes."

* * *

"It's like a scene from a bad zombie movie." Henry said as he stared out at the women standing outside calling for his adoptive mother. "What if you just went out there? What would happen?"

Regina shrugged as she stepped over the still unconscious body of Charming. It had been twenty minutes since the man had passed out and by the looks of him, he wasn't coming too any time soon. "I'm not sure and I'm not going to try."

Regina moved inside the bathroom intent on using cold water to wake the man up before she gave into temptation and murdered him on her bedroom floor. The only thing keeping her from doing so immediately was her son and the thought of having to clean the man's blood of the floor, if it wasn't done quickly, it would stain. She wasn't one for stains. Filling up the glass she exited the bathroom on a path back to Charming. It was the sound of chirping that caused her to turn around to face her son.

"Hey Mom! This bird has got a message!" Henry called back to his mother.

"No!" Regina yelled throwing the glass into the air in Emma's direction, she leapt the distance from where she stood to her sons spot just as the window opened the rest of the way and the flying creature entered.

The glass landed against the wall above Emma's head emptying its contents over the blonde's head as the glass bounced against the wall before bouncing of the Sheriff's head hitting the floor and shattering.

Emma jumped to her feet. "Calm the fuck down!" All she heard and saw in reply was the thud of Regina's body landing beside her son and Henry giving her a 'what the fuck?' look. "Wasn't I just outside?"

"Uh...no?" Henry looked away from his blonde mother to his brunette one who quickly scrambled up the wall to the window. Closing it upon contact and shutting out the murmurs and cries for Regina to come outside and 'be with them'.

Regina spun around and slid her back down the wall until she was sitting breathing heavily, hair a mess. The bird fluttered, chirped and quietly landed on Regina's shoulder where it begun pecking at her head for attention.

"Why's there a bird pecking Regina?" Emma inquired as she looked away from the brunette and down at her father. "Why's he on the floor?"

Henry shrugged. "I'm hungry."

* * *

Emma laughed as she finished off the final love letter slash poem that the ladies had sent from outside. All forty-four of them. Desperation apparently called for desperate measures. "You know I didn't even know my Mother knew those words. I mean should someone as pure as Snow White actually know those words? How does she know those words? All things considered." Emma thought out loud as Henry sat at the kitchen table with Regina eating a sandwich, Regina on the other hand...well the bird was still pecking.

"Uh Regina, are you going to get rid of that bird? Because whether or not you like it, we are going to have to do something about those...people, outside." Emma waited for an answer, "Regina?"

"Yes dear."

It was so eerily calm that it sent shivers down Emma's spine to the tips of her toes. "The bird Regina."

"What bird dear?"

"The one that's pecking at you."

"It's just a bird dear." Regina said as she stood from her seat and looked towards her son. "Feel free to stay up late dear." As she moved towards the staircase she paused turned towards the blonde, stepped over towards her, gave her a light kiss on the cheek and a small smile. "I'm going to take a nap dear. I'll make sure to make your father comfortable." She smiled again and quickly shuffled over towards the stairs that she took as though the world around them was normal and nothing was out of the ordinary.

Emma smirked at the thought of Regina kissing her. Sure it was just the cheek but hell it was more than Emma could ever wish she would get from the brunette. Turning to her son that sat with the spoon raised to his mouth, dripping milk as he watched after his mother. "Oh she likes me." She sing-songed.

"What just happened?"

* * *

It had been just over an hour since Regina had disappeared upstairs. Charming apparently was still out like a light and Henry was busy going through his mother's books as they tried finding reasons for why everything was happening.

Emma jumped to her feet at the sound of banging coming from the second floor. Looking to the boy she asked him if anything up there could possible make that noise and he was quick to tell her that nothing could. Upon the second bang that started an inconsistent pattern Henry and herself took the stairs two at a time in a hurry to find the reason.

As they reached the top of the stairs they took a sharp left into Regina's room and found that the brunette had just reached the window which she pulled open just in time for Hook to fall inside followed by a grumbling Gold.

"Thank you dear lass." Hook mumbled as he stood to his full height along with Gold. "Another minute and we may have been taken by the pack of women outside. They are ferocious anima-" He lost his words as he finally took in Regina's appearance.

Emma finally did too and wasn't too pleased to find Regina in just a night gown that barely reached mid thigh. It would have been perfectly fine had Hook not been standing there staring, blatantly at the brunette. With a growl she pulled the woman robe from where it hung over the mirror and casually tossed it to Regina. "Regina." Regina took it and slipped it on easily, apparently oblivious to what was going on. Turning to Hook she motioned with her fingers as she told him. "Her eyes are up here."

Hook merely shrugged. "I'm a Pirate dear and after all human."

Gold straightened himself out and fussed over his clothes for a few more second before taking in the room around him. Henry was standing beside his blonde mother looking between all the occupants of the room. Emma was standing there glaring at Hook. Hook was trying his best not to look over at the Evil Queen. The Evil Queen from his point of view looked lost and..._is that a bird? _He thought as his gaze finally fell on the Charming who was still unconscious on the Evil Queen's bedroom floor. _What in the world had happened? _"Care to explain dearie?"

Emma finally stopped herself from glaring at Hook as she stepped over her father's body and stepped up beside the brunette instead. "Wel-"

"I'm going to go make pie!" Regina declared earning a round of odd looks, "Would anyone like pie? Perhaps some coffee or tea?"

"I wouldn't mind pie but what is coffee?" Hook spoke up.

"You don't know what coffee is?" Regina shook her head, "That's sad. I must show you coffee, if you would follow me kind sir." With that Regina placed a kiss on the other cheek of the blonde's and quickly exited the room with Hook in tow behind her looking at her...

"Eyes to the back of her head Hook!" Emma called after the man who quickly snapped his attention to the brunette hair and away from his previous spot.

"What's wrong with my Mom?" Henry asked Gold.

Gold craned his neck to the side. "Denial my dear boy. She's in denial and a serious case of it."

"What do you mean?" Emma asked with an exasperated tone.

"Well, she doesn't want to believe that this is happening and so she created a world in her head where it's not happening and she's just...happy. Everything is normal. She needs a reality check, a wakeup call and soon."

"Can't we just leave her like that?" Henry suggested.

"Hate to say it kid but that's not your mother. As nice as she is, she isn't Regina." Emma pointed out and Henry had to agree with her.

"Fine. So how do we get Mom back?"

* * *

"You want me to what?" Regina asked as Hook chugged down his fourth coffee and greedily refilled it.

Emma noted he was beginning to shake and bounce. He was becoming alert, energetic and troubling as he guzzled down the fifth cup and quickly refilled a sixth. "Hey Coffee man, slow down will ya?" Turning back to Regina she listened as Gold explained the situation to her. The moment he said' hypnotize' Regina launched herself from her seated spot, crawled across the table, tackling Gold to the ground, jumping to her feet and fleeing in fright away from the group.

"Get her Miss Swan!" Gold yelled from the ground as he tried getting up.

Emma nodded and took off after the woman but before she exited the room she spotted out of the corner of her eye, Hook dumping the mug and trading it for the pot. _The rum of the modern days _Emma thought to herself as she chased the brunette around the living room.

She had been chasing the brunette for ten minutes straight and it looked to be no sign of the woman stopping as they dove over furniture, flipped table, threw lamps and any other breakables at Emma's head forcing the blonde to duck and dive in all directions.

A hyped up Hook entered the hallway to find Regina exiting the room and sprinting in one direction as Emma exited behind her. He bounced and quickly declared in a high voice, "Allow me to lass!" With that he sprinted after the brunette, battle cries washing throughout the house as he gave chase.

Another twenty minutes later and Hook had hold of the brunette's leg as Emma quickly dove on top of the woman. A few minutes of scrambling around to gather control and Emma jumped to her feet, yanking the former Evil Queen up with her. Arms wrapped around the brunette she called for Gold who quickly entered with an old pocket watch.

"Hold her tight."

Emma wrapped her arms tighter, pulling the brunette flush against her as Henry entered behind Gold, eager to watch his mother be hypnotized.

"Don't screw me over Gold!" Emma yelled as she grunted and groaned at the body parts that would harshly dig into her from the brunette's struggle. "I swear if you do, I will go all Regina on your ass."

He resisted the urge to sigh as he raised the watch and begun swinging it back and forth.

Regina being her defiant, stubborn self squeezed her eyes shut. "You'll never take me alive!"

"What the hell does she think we are going to do to her?!" She moved one hand up to Regina's eyes and pried one open.

"Never!" The brunette declared.

Gold began swinging the pocket watch back and forth whispering a few words as he did so. A few seconds later and the brunette froze in Emma's grasp, just stood there, one eye pried open, the other closed.

"On the count of three you will awake and once again be Regina. Actual Regina. One. Two. Three." He snapped his fingers much like Emma had seen magicians do during their trick. A worried Henry, a stoic Gold, a jittery Hook and an expectant Emma stood waiting for Regina to return.

"Miss Swan! Would you get your hands off me!"

"Yep. She's back."

**TBC**


End file.

Once Upon a Time, Humor, Romance