Naruto The Anesthesia Chronicles

Chapter 1 - Day One

* * *

KONOHA GENERAL HOSPITAL: ROSTER FOR INTERNS, MEDICAL TEAMS

_Seven_

**Resident**: Hatake Kakashi

**Interns**: Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura

_Nine_

**Resident**: Yuuhi Kurenai

**Interns**: Aburame Shino, Sato Tenten, Hyuuga Neji

_Ten_

**Resident**: Sarutobi Asuma

**Interns**: Yamanaka Ino, Nara Shikamaru, Hyuuga Hinata

* * *

_almost there_

Sakura bites her bottom lip anxiously, sparing her best friend a glance before she begins to examine the other interns in the room. "Are you okay, Forehead?" Ino asks affectionately, nudging Sakura a bit. "Don't be afraid. I even took the liberty of dropping you off on your first day! God, what would you do without me?"

The petite girl almost snorts at the blonde, but instead opts to smirk at her. "I don't know," she remarks, shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe I would have gotten that guy's number at the bar yesterday. You know, the really cute guy that was so _incredibly disgusted_ at the notion of me being acquainted with 'a girl like you.'" The blonde's face falls visibly. "Oh," she says, pouting slightly, "too soon?" Sakura asks apologetically. Ino nods dejectedly. "You know, Ino-pig, don't take it too personally. You know better than I do that there are plenty of fish in the sea."

"Hello, welcome to your first shift at Konoha General." The interrupting voice comes from a man in his late sixties. He sends a scrutinizing look at the interns, sizing them up. "To me, this hospital is not simply a building, or an organization. Every year we take in interns like you who are eager to learn and are passionate about their field. As doctors, it is your responsibility to hold the lives of your patients in the highest regard."

Sakura watches nervously as the man gestures to the doors behind him. "Once you step out of these doors, you are responsible not only for yourselves, but for the lives of others. Look around you and you will see people who will come to be your best friends, family, and lovers." Ino catches a blond boy's gaze on her best friend and stifles a giggle. "... but these people who you may hold dear are also your rivals, your competition. At Konoha General, our doctors are motivated solely by their passion for science, not selfish pursuits. I, chief of surgery, encourage to explore this passion thoroughly during your residence here. However, the road to becoming a surgeon will be difficult. I will not deceive you into thinking that pursuing a career as one will be easy. Here is where your journey begins. I will leave you here. It is your decision that will shape your career as a surgeon." The chief excuses himself, walking to the elevator and presumably, back to his office.

The pinkette is terrified as she steps through those doors, but she straightens her back and clenches her jaw. She and the other interns make their way to the locker room.

Ino is already slobbering over a fellow intern by the time Sakura comes to her senses. "Sakura! Forehead! Ugh, just look at him," she swoons. "His hair, oh God, his skin is so perfect... he's just _beautiful._ Dark hair and dark eyes, he's just something out of one of those crappy romance novels thirty year-old women like to read to feel raunchy! Oh Santa, can I please have him for Christmas? I want one _so bad_!" The petite girl rolls her eyes at her friend's antics, but chooses to spare the guy a glance. She almost sputters.

"He is..." she pauses in a moment of thought, pursing her lips, "very handsome, to say the least." Sakura feels her face heat up with embarrassment, but successfully hides it by ducking her head so that her hair covers her face.

The blonde smiles vindictively at Sakura. "I'm going to be under the same resident as him, you know. And then I can actually be _under him_, if you know what I mean." Ino winks at her and begins to peel off her shirt to change into her scrubs.

"Whore," Sakura deadpans, looking straight ahead with a seemingly blank face. She then cracks a smile at Ino and shoves her playfully. "You're such a horny bitch, Ino." Sakura mimics Ino's actions and begins to change.

"Hey, Haruno Sakura, right?" She turns around, startled by the unfamiliar voice. Sakura blinks as she takes in the sight of the hand waving obnoxiously in front of her. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I saw your name under mine in the roster. You're interning under Hatake Kakashi, right?"

She can see Ino laughing at her out of the corner of her eye and she fights her urge to tackle her to the ground in a way that would be reminiscent of her high school rugby career. Sakura manages a polite smile at Naruto as she hurriedly moves to put on her shirt. "Yeah, that's me. Are you interning under him, too?"

"Yeah, and I heard that Kakashi has never passed a single team of interns before in his residency!" Naruto practically yells at her. Sakura chuckles at this. She decides that he's a genuinely nice guy, if not a little bit overenthusiastic.

"Well then, it's nice to meet you, Naruto," she says sweetly, bringing her hair into a bun. "I'll see you in about ten minutes or so." She slams her locker shut and jams her feet into her sneakers as the blond walks away to the main desk.

"Look at you, Forehead," her friend coos, taunting her, "already breaking hearts and it hasn't even been the first hour yet!" Sakura responds by tugging on her ponytail and rushing out the door.

"I'll see you at lunch, Ino-pig!"

* * *

HOUR ONE

"Where is that guy?" Sakura hears Naruto whine for about the fifteenth time in the past hour. "This is a hospital, right? Every minute we're not doing something is a waste, you know. We could be saving lives, you know!"

She shoots him a look and dares a glimpse at the intern that Ino was talking about earlier. "I'm sure that Kakashi-sensei is late for a good reason," she says, trying to quell his complaints. It is at that moment a masked surgeon with silver hair walks up to the group of interns. Sakura observes that his hair, as well as his clothing, is disheveled. She comes to the conclusion that he was clearly doing something unrelated to medicine (but not completely unrelated to science, at all) when she recognizes the scent coming off of him. In short, her accusation is: sex in the on-call room with the slightly frazzled-looking black-haired nurse- or was she a doctor?

"So basically," the masked man lazily drawls, sadly attempting to straighten himself out, "my first impression is... I hate you guys." Sakura snorts at this. Kakashi continues, "As a doctor, you have all taken the Hippocratic Oath. Your first duty is to your patient... those who break protocol are scum, but those who stop believing in their patients before their very last breath are worse than scum. Basically, as my interns, you are required to do jobs that I request you to do. Any questions?"

The apathetic intern makes eye contact with the older man. "Are you going to assign us tasks?" he asks, disinterestedly.

"Eh, to be honest, I hadn't thought of anything," the man replies, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "but here you go. Uzumaki, rectal examinations. Haruno, open clinic. Uchiha, you'll be running labs."

Sakura and the other two members of her medical team sigh.

This is going to be a long year.

* * *

HOUR EIGHT

A wave of relief washes over Sakura as she catches sight of the girls plus Neji and Shino in the cafeteria. She saunters over to the table and seats herself to the blonde's right. "Pizza and wings?" her friend questions, disgust evident on her face. Ino stabs at her grilled chicken salad violently as she diverts her gaze from Sakura's tray. Sakura shrugs.

"Rugby girl problems," she explains, picking up the triangular slice. "We have big appetites." She looks to Tenten for confirmation and the brunette nods.

"Athletic girls have big appetites," Tenten reaffirms, biting into her cheeseburger.

"Yeah, Tenten and I play actual sports," Sakura says offhandedly in a way that she knows will offend Ino. "We require more strength and vigor to perform. We don't get credit for standing around and looking pretty, right Tenten?"

"Don't give me that bullshit," Ino snaps, rolling her eyes. "You haven't played competitively since college, Sakura."

"And you haven't been a cheerleader since high school, but you're still a total bitch." Ino pouts. She lifts her right hand as if to wave off the insult.

"And you're not?"

She chews slowly and swallows before smirking at her best friend. "Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are," Sakura replies evenly.

"Our friendship makes so much more sense now," the ex-cheerleader exclaims brightly, reaching out for one of Sakura's chicken wings. The pinkette promptly slaps her hand way.

"'Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,'" the pinkette taunts, quoting Ino from their high school days. She takes a long, deliberate bite of the wing. She smiles. "... but I will allow myself to admit that this comes pretty damn close."

"I swear, I am _this close_ to letting you walk your ass home after our shift is done."

"It won't do, Ino-hime. I'd just make you sleep on the couch..."

"Sakura-chan! Me and Sasuke-teme aren't interrupting your little domestic, are we?" For the second time today, Sakura looks up to see the bright, overbearing face of Naruto radiating happiness and good will towards her.

Ino snorts. "Just barely, it's settled. Sakura's walking home and sleeping on the couch tonight," she explains to the two men as they take a seat at the table.

Sakura turns and smirks at Naruto. "Little does she know, I have the keys," she whispers to him in confession. He chuckles at this and glances at Ino, who is back to picking at her salad.

Naruto clears his throat before he speaks. "So, I'm just about done with rectal examinations, you know. It's just so... wrong. I mean, imagine sticking your finger into God knows how many anuses in the early hours of the morning. Ugh. It's like being a qualified rapist, or something. I feel... I feel lower than a _nurse_, you know? And what's up with Kakashi-sensei? This morning, he just..."

Sakura laughs at the way Ino visibly perks up at the sound of gossip. "Kakashi-sensei was definitely fucking that nurse, or doctor... I can't be too sure."

"In the on-call room, right?" Ino says offhandedly, inching her right hand towards Sakura's tray. "The people on Yuuhi and Sarutobi's teams have some surprising stories to tell about the one on the second floor between 210A and 215B."

"Ugh, Ino, don't even start," Tenten says, grimacing. Sakura observes Hinata as her reddens. The woman almost knocks over the bottle of water on her tray after hearing the blonde mention their previous encounter.

"What are you guys talking about?" Naruto asks curiously, peeling the top off of his instant ramen.

"So," Ino begins, flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder, "we were waiting for Kurenai-sensei and Sarutobi-sensei for maybe twenty or thirty minutes and I, being the genius I am, suggest that we go looking for them. We asked this nurse, or nursing intern, or volunteer - I have no fucking clue - if she had seen Kurenai or Sarutobi go anywhere. She pointed in the direction of the on-call room, right?"

"Ugh," the brunette next to her groans, promptly turning an unhealthy shade of green. "The images..."

"So, we get there and we're outside the door. We hear whimpering and moaning but I don't even know what was going through our heads. I think that Neji, being the idiot that he is, was like what the hell and opened the door. Ugh, Sakura - that is not the most pleasant thing to see on your first day interning, I swear to God... even though I will admit that Kurenai-sensei has a bangin' body, I did not need to see my fucking resident's penis in all of its uncircumized glory." A thud, the sound of a body hitting the floor promptly resonates throughout the cafeteria after Ino completes her last statement.

"O-Oh my God!"

"Ino," Neji says darkly, glaring pointedly at the blonde as he assists Shino in picking Hinata up.

Tenten scampers over to the unconscious woman, placing her index and middle fingers on Hinata's left wrist. Her eyes widen slightly and she turns to Ino, face frozen in shock. "No pulse," she states dizzily, bring her hand up to fan herself. "Oh God, Ino, I-I think... I think you killed her!"

* * *

HOUR TEN

Sasuke is annoyed, albeit vaguely excited when he is paged by Kakashi. He leisurely walks into the meeting room and realizes that he is the last one to enter.

"So Uchiha Sasuke has finally granted us with his presence," the man greets monotonously, standing up. Sasuke says nothing as he sits down next to Naruto and Sakura. Kakashi slides a folder across the table towards his interns. "This is your first case as a medical team," he explains. "His name is Aono Tazuna and he was admitted yesterday by his daughter because of his complaints concerning unbearable pain and swelling of his right arm. He has exhibited symptoms such as hypertension and tachycardia. Currently, we are waiting on urine tests. They will be delivered in approximately four hours. Everyone's guess is malignant hypertension, but there is nothing to confirm such." At this, he sighs.

"Excuse me, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asks, taking note of his exasperated expression.

"Yes?"

"I... fail to see the complications concerning his diagnosis," she admits hesitantly, her face twisting into an expression of bemusement.

"Understandable," the older man drawls, "because I haven't explained the issue yet. Tazuna also exhibits transient emotional episodes of happiness and sadness. He is unstable. None of these emotional symptoms correspond with common symptoms associated with malignant hypertension."

"In short, we are stumped for an answer. We're considering sending him over to Psych because of his frequent emotional episodes."

"Do we get to meet him?" Naruto chimes in brightly, grinning at Kakashi.

"Room 215A," Kakashi replies. "I want a diagnosis from you three within a hour after the delivery of his urine tests."

The three interns nod their heads in agreement and then depart in order to meet their patient.

* * *

HOUR THIRTEEN

"We've been in here for hours," Naruto whines to Sakura, visibly pouting. "Can we go take a break or something? I'm hungry! Let's go get ramen!"

"There's nothing in Tazuna's medical history that would imply that he would be experiencing high blood pressure," Sakura says, pointedly ignoring Naruto. "He's generally been healthy and well-taken care of. This bout of disease is sudden and unrealistic. He last visited his doctor about a week ago in order to receive a prescription for his back pains."

"You're forgetting to consider his family life," Sasuke replies blandly. "His career could have easily been a cause of his current situation."

"He's a bridge builder," Sakura says, contemplating. "The head of this big project I've heard of, linking the impoverished Wave to the mainland. There's been a lot of opposition from this big corporate head from the mainland. He runs Gato Company."

"Hey, Sakura-chan! What if that Gato guy has something to do with Tazuna's condition?" Naruto suggests. "Political and economic opposition. Big corporate head, huh? Seems like he would want to hinder bridge completion to maintain his control over Wave."

"How could Gato induce symptoms such as hypertension and emotional lability, Naruto?" she replies irritably. "Wait... wait. Did either of you get a look at his hands?"

"Hn."

"They were peeling, Sakura-chan."

Realization dawns upon the three of them. "Desquamentation is closely associated with a range of bacterial infections, but very recently, Tazuna was prescribed medicine by his doctor..." she begins.

"His doctor, who was likely also employed by Gato," Sasuke continues. "Tazuna told us earlier that his doctor had given him the medication directly so that he could apparently spare a trip to the local pharmacy-"

"Because little blue mercury pills aren't commonly distributed by pharmacists," Sakura finishes.

"Mercury poisoning?" Naruto speculates, shaking his head in disbelief.

"We'll see when the urine tests are in," Sasuke states. "But in the meanwhile, we should familiarize ourselves with possible means of treatment."

"Immediate Chelation therapy with DMSA," Sakura blurts out in response. There is a moment of silence as she shuffles to pick up the books they've been reading through in the past three hours and place them back on the shelves of the library.

"... well then," Naruto starts, scratching the back of his head sheepishly, "we have an hour to kill and I'm still up for that cup of ramen."

"What are you insinuating, Naruto?" she asks sarcastically. He merely grabs the two by the wrist and pulls them out to the door and towards the cafeteria.

When they are seating and Naruto is content with the steam rising off of his noodles, another silence settles over the three.

Again, Naruto is the one to break it.

"Icebreakers," he says excitedly, giving Sasuke and Sakura a nice view of his half-chewed food. Sakura grimaces. Sasuke smirks. "Alright. So we'll start with you, Sakura-chan!"

"Excuse me?"

"It's fairly simple," the blond explains, "tell us three things about yourself. Two of them are true, one of them is a lie. Whoever gets the most right owes the other two dinner."

"Excuse me," she repeats, "I don't mean to offend you, but I don't think that my current intern salary can support your appetite."

"Eh, you'll live," Naruto replies, grinning. "I mean, I made it through college and medical school, didn't I?"

"Ugh, fine," Sakura says, rolling her eyes at him. "Three things, right? I used to play tackle rugby in college. My hair is pink. My mom's a nurse."

"I'm going with rugby, how about you, Sasuke?"

"Hn."

"I'm just going to go ahead and say that means you agree. What is it, Sakura-chan?"

A small smile appears on her face. "My mom isn't a nurse," she says sweetly. "She's a diplomat."

"We're all still at zero, then. You next, Sasuke."

Naruto's statement yields no reply from the man. "Come on, please?" Sakura tries. Naruto nods at her.

"Yeah, please Sasuke-_kun_?" Naruto asks, mockingly adding the honorific to the end of his name.

"... fine. I'm a surgical intern at Konoha General. I'm taller than both of you. I'm a very open person."

"Hey, bastard. Do you _want_ to take us out for dinner or something, because then you should do the polite thing and court us first. Maybe we can do the whole dinner and a movie thing because-"

"Shut up."

"Because yours is so blatantly obvious that a six year old could figure it out. God. What do you say, Sakura-chan?"

"The third statement, obviously. Maybe we should stop playing this game..."

"We should," the Uchiha agrees. "The urine tests are probably in by now. It's been an hour."

The interns once again head to room 215A.

* * *

HOUR FOURTEEN

"The results are in," Kakashi says dramatically, giving the papers to Sakura.

"Urine tests show that there is a concentration of more than two-hundred milligrams of mercury per liter. Additionally, there are high levels of glucose, amino acids, uric acid, phosphate and bicarbonate. Sounds like Fanconi syndrome to me," Sakura states. "This essentially confirms that the patient is a victim of mercury poisoning."

"Is that your diagnosis, Dr. Haruno?" her mentor asks, half-taunting, half-serious.

"Yes. Treatment would encompass Chelation therapy with DMSA."

"DMSA?" he asks. "Why not DMPS or ALA?"

"Either would suffice," she replies tiredly. "However, DMSA is recommended for young children and the elderly."

The man chuckles in response and ruffles her hair. "Good job. The question that truly comes to mind is how Tazuna would come to be a victim of mercury poisoning."

"He's a political and economic enemy for Gato," Sasuke explains. "His construction project threatens Gato's power. Gato likely bribed or threatened Tazuna's doctor into distributing mercury pills to him."

"Alright then... Naruto," Kakashi says suddenly. The blond is snapped out of his daydreaming. "Take Tazuna as your patient. His treatment will be long-term." The doctor ignores Sasuke's glare on his back and Sakura's look of outright disappointment.

He turns back around to face them. "You two, take the files stacked on the table to your left. They're reports of the patients that are to be released from the hospital soon. You are to report to them about their current condition. The corresponding room number is labeled on the upper right hand corner of each file."

There is an air of compliance around them as Sakura takes the files begrudgingly. "We have to go to room 135B first, Sasuke." He trots out into the hallway and Sakura follows.

* * *

HOUR SIXTEEN

Naruto rushes into room 215A, panting. His sentence is out of his mouth before he can observe his surroundings. "Is Tazuna-san alright?"

The old man chuckles to himself dryly, shaking his head. "I've just been diagnosed with mercury poisoning, but other than that, I'm fine." The blond's expression of worry and concern quickly fades into one of exasperation.

"Did you need me for something old man?" he asks, rolling his neck. He hears a satisfying crack as he does so.

"An old, dying man like me needs nothing but decent company," Tazuna replies, "even if it's from a short, stupid surgical intern like you." He smirks.

Naruto rolls his eyes and attempts to walk out, but Tazuna stops him. "Sit down," he orders, pointing at the seat adjacent to his bed. "I'll tell you a story about my grandkid, Inari. He's a few years younger than you, but he's really quite a guy. Doesn't believe in heroes and magic, but he really does..."

As Tazuna continues to speak, Naruto becomes more grateful that he has been blessed with the bridge builder's presence. At the end of it, Tazuna has talked himself into a deep sleep. The blond smiles at his patient brightly. "I'll fix you," he proclaims, grinning. "I swear it on my life."

* * *

HOUR NINETEEN

Sakura relishes the feeling of having finished the heinous task assigned to her by Kakashi. She flexes her fingers, which are now free of the numerous patient files and records. She glances at Sasuke, who is looking at her as if he is expecting something.

She feels a bit awkward.

She starts. "It's not fair that Naruto got the case, when we were the people who came up with the diagnosis..." No response, figures. She had never been much of a conversationalist like Ino; she was a quiet child, always keeping to herself.

"Do you want to cut something up?" she tries again, a more direct attempt at him, personally.

Sasuke raises an interested eyebrow in her direction and she becomes sharply aware of her appearance. She has gone nineteen hours without any sleep, her hair's a mess, and her scrubs are wrinkled in the wrong places. She bites her bottom lip and realizes that her lips too are unbearably chapped and sighs. She gestures to a nearby staircase and looks at him. "Follow me," she says.

They end up in a dimly lighted room with several trays of rudementary surgical tools and a row of cabinets in the far left corner. Sakura walks over and takes out a bag. She tries to hold her breath as she tentatively opens the bag and brings it to the sink. Sasuke looks bored, she thinks, at the sight of the newly introduced object. Shrugging it off, she reaches for a pair of latex gloves and ties her hair back.

"I don't know why they keep fetal pigs here," she remarks, carefully lifting it up and rinsing it off. "Probably for the interns who are terrified of their first surgery and want practice identifying the organs, I guess." Sakura closes the faucet and places the pig on already placed napkins and begins patting it dry. "They have cats too, but uh... uh, I have a cat. So I'm not very comfortable with the idea of cutting one open or skinning one, you know?" She stops herself mid rant and mentally slaps herself. Sakura wonders what Ino would say if she could see her right now, alone with Sasuke in this remote room of Konoha General. Sakura chastizes herself for her slip-up. She is talking to one of the most attractive men that any woman in this hospital has ever had the privilege of meeting about her fondness for cats. I'm dying alone, she thinks bitterly as she cuts a piece of string.

She freezes as Sasuke moves next to her and leans over, reaching for a pair of gloves as well. She resists the urge to smile at him when she sees him nonchalantly brush his bangs out of his face. She places the pig on a tray and begins to tie it down.

"It's a male," he observes keenly, noting the position of its urogenital opening.

"About thirteen weeks old," she estimates in reply, visually measuring the distance from its snout to its tail. She locates the razor adjacent to her and takes off its paper covering. Looking up at Sasuke, she tilts her head slightly to the left in speculation. "What do you want to cut open, first?"

He takes the liberty of coveting the razor from her and places it by the pig's chest. "The thoracic cavity," he tells her coolly, beginning his incision. The cut is so devastatingly clean and perfect that Sakura wants to cry. He does not bother to skin the pig before cutting through the muscle. "Probe," he says, gesturing at Sakura. Now, she is mildly offended. She hands him the probe and feels slightly akin to a nurse.

"That's gorgeous," she remarks before she can stop herself, "you didn't even break the pericardial membrane."

He simply smirks in response. He begins to cut out the heart. He hands it to her and indicates points and structures of interest before opening the abdominal cavity. The process continues as they explore the body cavity of the pig. Sakura is not offered the razor once, but the smell of formaldehyde burns her eyes. She steps back from the dissection and discards her gloves, blinking back the stinging tears in her eyes. He directs his attention to her begrudgingly, granting her a small grunt in response to her situation. "Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just the smell..." Sakura explains, excusing herself. He resumes the dissection as she fixes herself. Grabbing another pair of gloves, she joins him again at the table.

Sasuke nods his head in response and looks in the direction of the napkin to Sakura's right. She blinks. "You didn't bisect the right kidney yet?" she asks, bemused. He ignores her question and she notices the blunt scalpel laid next to it. "Oh," she says in realization. She cuts the kidney in half and begins. "The hilus transmits the vessels, nerves and ureter. At this point," she remarks, indicating to the respective structure, "the renal artery enters. The renal capsule provides protection from trauma and damage while the renal cortex contains functional renal papillae. The innermost part of the kidney, the renal medulla, contains arterioles involved in maintaining the homeostasis of a large number of solutes and water. Urine is collected by the renal pelvis," Sakura says, pointing the probe at the structure. He gives her a stiff nod of approval.

When they are done with the dissection, Sakura goes to suture the pig's body cavity and places it back in the bag, tightly sealing the top. She looks up and sees him peeling off his gloves, making his way to the door. "Somebody paged you?" she asks quietly. He nods and begins his small jog to the elevator. As Sakura cleans up the mess they had made in the past four hours, she tries to ignore the potent sensation of loneliness that comes over her. The scent of formaldehyde settles in again and she stands still. This time, she does not attempt to wipe away the tears in the corner of her eyes.

Hazily, she becomes aware of her own exhaustion. She blindly makes her way towards the closest hard surface and passes out.


End file.

Naruto, Humor