Doctor Who 1. Run

**A/N**

**HELLO MY LOVES.**

**I can't stop writing, so here it is. Consider it a present, for the oh-so-Happy Fourth of July, American Independence Day, FREEDOM FOR EVERYONE!**

***throws red, white, and blue confetti into your face***

***explodes fireworks in the air above you***

***shoves a deep fried hotdog with bacon bits on top, wrapped in bacon into your hand***

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY 'MURICA.**

**Just a reminder, this is only happening so soon because I'm impatient and I assume you are also, so chapters will be posted as I write them. Which means there might be delays that didn't happen in The Glowing Stars. Sorry...**

**If you're new, I highly suggest reading The Glowing Stars before you read this, or some things might not make sense. But hey, it's a free country, you can do what you'd like :D**

**Again, HAPPY FOURTH!**

**If you aren't American, that's okay, too. I really hope you had a good day as well.**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**

* * *

><p>"Exterminate!"<p>

I duck a laser blast, another one whizzing past my head. My feet lift off the ground as I jump a ditch, sliding in the mud on the other side.

"Do you guys have to follow us everywhere?" I shout over my shoulder, ducking a few branches, not daring to look back, "It's a bit of an unhealthy obsession, don't you think?"

More lasers fry the trees around me, and I flinch instinctively, but I know the trick is to just keep running.

_Always keep running, that's the first rule of being with the Doctor. _

_Run._

I squint as rain starts to fall from the sky, fat drops of water smacking my face. It makes the ground even more slippery, puddles quickly forming on the ground before my pounding feet.

_As if England wasn't dreary enough._

"Perfect," I pant, continuing in my race back to the T.A.R.D.I.S, where I know the Doctor will be waiting for me.

_That's the plan if we get separated, always head back to the ship._

_The only plan we ever really have, and we like it that way._

I burst out into the neighborhood we landed in, the street nearly empty except for one little old woman, walking a tiny Chihuahua.

The T.A.R.D.I.S sits about three yards away from her.

"Hey lady! Ma'am, you might want to head towards that box! See that box, run to it, run now!" I shout to her, and she turns towards me, staring blankly.

"Young lady, I'm quite sure I don't know what you-"

The two Daleks fly over the top of the trees in the park I'd been in, their eye-stalks turning to rest upon me.

The old lady lets out a squeak, and starts hobbling towards the T.A.R.D.I.S, dragging her little dog behind her. It yaps at the Daleks, as if it has all the authority of a Rottweiler.

_For once someone listens to me! It must be a good day!_

I yank the key up from under my cherry red blouse, hanging on the gold chain I always wear. I reach the T.A.R.D.I.S at the same time as the old lady, and deftly unlock it, then yank the door open to practically shove her inside. A laser makes it past the door before I can slam it shut, and the console sparks furiously.

The old girl lets out a groan, the cloister bell ringing angrily.

"Sorry, sorry! Should've been a bit quicker, I guess!" I say to her, running my hands apologetically along the railing, "Doctor?"

Silence answers me. Silence besides the yapping dog, that is.

_He's not here yet…_

"Excuse me, but can you tell me what's happening?" The old lady says, her voice small and afraid. I turn to finally acknowledge her, realizing how strange this must be to outside eyes.

_Another run of the mill day for me, but for anyone else…_

"Oh, I am so sorry! How rude of me, okay, so…" I say, taking her arm and helping her to sit on the stool in front of the console. She stares at all of the buttons as if they were three-headed snakes, "Those things are Daleks, robot-octopus thingies who are programmed to hate everything to the point of wanting to murder them, 'exterminate them' if you will. And this is a spaceship, and it's keeping us safe from them, so no need to worry!"

Even her dog shuts up to give me a stupefied look.

"Did I say Daleks? What I meant to say was… You're dreaming, this is all a dream!" I say, letting out an uncomfortable little laugh, giving her a pat on the shoulder, before turning away to activate the external surroundings monitor.

"I don't understand, how are we fitting in this box? Have we been shrunk?" She says, her voice trembling. I hum in amusement, shaking my head.

_That's a new one._

"You tell me, it's your dream." I say, and my hearts leap as a familiar alien runs into view on the monitor, his coat flapping behind him in the wind and rain, dodging Dalek lasers. He's carrying…

"A toaster? What's with the toaster?" I say, and the old lady leans over to watch the monitor, too. "That man is always bringing home junk. We've got a toaster already! From the 51st century! What are we going to do with a 21st century one?"

The old woman shrugs, and I let out a breath, running to the doors, waiting for the precise moment.

_Three…_

_Two…_

_One._

I yank open the doors and in pops a Time Lord, drenched in rain and smiling like he's just found the jack pot.

"Sorry I'm late, had to make a quick stop!" He says, giving me a wet kiss on the cheek. I can't help but laugh at him. "Oh, hello! We've got company, nice to meet you, I'm the Doctor."

The old lady nods, giving him a little wave, and her dog growls, sounding like a tiny motor that needs oiling.

"And what's the deal with that?" I say, pointing to the toaster. He turns it over, and water pours out of the bread-slots.

"What? Toasters are good, toasters can be useful!" He says, giving me a wink as he takes the sonic out and waves it over the drenched appliance.

"We have a toaster, you know. A very nice toaster, actually." I say, crossing my arms, and he just smirks smugly.

"Yeah, but can our toaster do this?" He says, wrenching the door open again and tossing it out into the rain. It rolls to a stop in front of the two Daleks, and they regard it, their eye-stalks swiveling back and forth between us and the square chunk of metal.

Then it explodes.

The Doctor closes the doors, straightening his tie and giving the old lady a smile.

"And that's how we deal with pesky Daleks around here." He says, smoothing his wet hair back and tucking the sonic into his coat.

"Well… It was quick, effective.. Maybe a bit of a volatile approach, but I'll take it!" I say, practically jumping on him for a hug, and he swings me around, laughing.

"That was quite a bit of effort just to snag some authentic London-style Kippers," The Doctor says, and I shrug, making my way to the two panels I control on the console.

"Maybe, but they were delicious. Besides, I'd expect nothing less. Those Daleks, what is this, the third time in three months? They're relentless!"

"Well… I'd expect nothing less!" He says, echoing me as he starts to bang out coordinates on the console. "What do you think? How about Balzadore for dessert? There's one city in particular on Balzadore that has a little shop, makes the dreamiest, fluffiest-"

A meek cough interrupts us.

The old lady is still sitting on the stool, her eyes flitting back and forth between us.

"I'd like to wake up now, if it's not too much trouble."

* * *

><p>"Alright, Edna, you take care now! Don't try anything rash, this is a dream, sure, but be reasonable!" I shout out of the T.A.R.D.I.S as the old woman hobbles through her front door. I can't help the little mewl that slips out of my mouth when she gives us a tiny wave before disappearing into her home.<p>

"Have I mentioned I love old people? They're just so adorable, everything they do is adorable. Waving, walking, breathing. Adorable. I love them." I say once the doors are shut and secure.

"You know…" The Doctor says, and I turn to see him waggling his bushy eyebrows at me, "I'm 907 now, pretty old in your books. Does that make me extra adorable?"

I roll my eyes, throwing the materializing functionality lever up to allow us to take off.

"You don't count, you cheat." I say, and I can't help the grin that spreads on my lips when he just continues to waggle those eyebrows. "Okay, yes, you're adorable. Now, you were saying? Balzadore? Fluffy, delicious dessert?"

"Right! Balzadore! Little shop, I love that." He says, and just like that we're in the vortex.

_He really has gotten to be a better driver these past few years. I remember when I'd have to hold on for dear life every single time!_

_Now it's practically smooth sailing._

I keep her steady and monitor the shields, while he does the navigating, as always. It used to make me sad to see him leaping around the console, trying to operate all six panels on his own. He'd told me that a T.A.R.D.I.S is meant to be flown by six Time Lords or Ladies.

Seeing him manically trying to do it all on his own… I couldn't bear it after that.

So I'd made him teach me, and he is still teaching me. I'm on panel three now, the diagnostic panel, after mastering fabrication and communication.

The diagnostic panel is easy. Easy peasy, in fact, as long as something doesn't go horribly wrong.

Its purpose is to alert the operator to problems with the cooling systems, the inertial…. whatsits. And the temporal thingamajigs.

_Obviously I'm doing great so far. _

_The sharpest crayon in the box._

_A+ student!_

The T.A.R.D.I.S lands after I throw back the materializing functionality lever, and I rub my hands together.

_We haven't had dessert in weeks. I'm going to get severely sugar high, or I'm going to be severely disappointed._

"Shall we, Miss Crenshaw?" The Doctor says, already walking to meet me halfway to the door, offering me his arm.

"We shall, Mr. Doctor!" I say, biting my lip to keep my smile from splitting my face. "You sure we've got the right time? Last time you took me for dessert, all that was left of the place was dust."

His smile falters, and I smirk when he gives me a sidelong glance.

_I do so love to embarrass my Doctor. _

"Oh, it was one time! Well… okay, it was twice. Three times. Oh, get off it!" He says, running his hand through his hair, and I can't help but laugh. It humiliates the poor man when he gets it wrong, and don't I know it.

_Must be a Time Lord faux pas. Kind of like whiffing the ball in a baseball game, or pulling a Charlie Brown on a football._

When he opens the doors, all I see are great, tall buildings of metal illuminated by floating globes of light. No windows on the buildings, not any of them. The sky is dark, with two crescent moons adorning the blackness. Stars glitter in the abyss, seeming larger than they do on Earth at night.

"This is Yox, the largest city on Balzadore, home to the Friendly Fogler! Here, it's only daytime once a week. Worst day of the week for them, kind of like Sundays. Boring, everyone stays in."

"Friendly Fogler. Is that where we're headed?" I ask, squinting my eyes at the creatures around us, who pay no mind to the blue box that has just appeared. They've got very pale, creamy skin, folds of it, cascading down the length of their bodies. Not very attractive, really. They've each got a little extension jutting out of their foreheads, right above their milky eyes. It glows, like the dangly thing that Angler Fish have.

It looks very strange on humanoids. Unnatural, but I've learned not to be unnerved.

_Bioluminescence. Haven't seen that one yet._

"It certainly is! You're going to love it! Excuse me?" He says, tapping the shoulder of a passing Anglerfish guy, "Can you tell me what day it is?"

"It's Saturday." It grunts at him, and moves off, muttering about barmy tourists.

"Saturday! Karaoke night!" He says, then he's grinning at me, "You'll have a go, won't you?"

I grimace, imagining my awkward self getting up in front of all these strange creatures, and belting out some Earth tune, strange to them.

"Yeah, uh… We'll see about that."


	2. Gurk Is Good

The Doctor leads me through the dark city, those bright globe things illuminating just enough to see what's necessary. A few blocks down and to the left of where we landed sits a short and fat metal building, no windows just like the rest. The sign hanging on the top of it scrambles itself into English.

The Friendly Fogler, it says, with a picture of a strange pig-like creature, white and creamy skinned just like the people, a big smile plastered on its porcine face.

The Doctor opens the door for me, and I step in to the sound of deep trumpet-like instruments, and cymbals being clashed together into some semblance of music. Someone is up on the stage with the cacophonous band, wailing out a tune about unrequited love. I have to battle the urge to clamp my hands over my ears.

"Exotic, isn't it?" The Doctor shouts over the noise, and I grin at him, shaking my head.

"That's one way to describe it I guess!" I shout back, and allow him to lead me to what looks like a bar, with several of the saggy-skinned, pale people sitting at it, eating strange looking food. The moment we sit at the bar on the too-large chairs is when I first notice it.

The familiar prick in my brain, the slightest of pains.

However slight it may be, it still sends me into a fit of panic. My hearts start pounding, the noise around us being drowned out by the force of my alarm. I have to really focus on what the Doctor is saying to me through the haze of memories.

I know he told me I'd be fine, that it wouldn't kill me again. That it couldn't.

Fear isn't exactly the most rational thing though.

_I remember slipping into death, slowly and comfortably. I remember losing my senses one by one. The most terrifying thing of all?_

_I had accepted it, just for one minute. I had welcomed dying, losing all of this._

"Evy?" The Doctor says, snapping his long fingers in front of my face, "Gurk or Flanilla? Gurk is like… fruity chocolate flavor, and Flanilla is exactly like Vanilla. In fact it is Vanilla, they imported it from Earth and called it Flanilla, the tricksters."

"Um, yeah sorry, I'll take Gurk. Sounds… appetizing." I say to the waiter behind the bar, and the Doctor orders Gurk as well. With that, the Doctor turns his penetrating gaze to me, the gold orbs searching my face like a spotlight.

"What's wrong?" He asks, and I know it's no use lying to him. He knows me too well now.

"It's just my old pain in the brain. It's back. I haven't got anything to worry about though, do I?" I say, my eyes wide with the residual terror of nearly dying and staying dead all those years ago.

"No!" He says, taking my hand off the bar's counter and holding it in both of his, "Evy, trust me, you have nothing to fear from the Organic Nuclear Fission Arc Reactor anymore. I promise. It's just a little sliver of it left in there, I mean, think about it! It took three years for you to even feel it again. Once you expend the energy, you won't even know it's there."

I frown, nodding and knowing he's right. He's usually right, but it's hard to convince myself of that.

"Preferably after our Fluffy Foglers, of course!" He says when the waiter slides two dishes down to us, piled high with a pinkish-yellow cloud of poof. Wisps of cold steam curl off of it, and I glance over to the Doctor to see how he's dealing with his.

He's just licking it, no spoon or anything. Just straight up lapping at it like a dog.

I shrug and dig in, and when my tongue touches the fluffy substance, it feels like electricity shoots through each and every taste bud in my mouth. It's the perfect balance of fruity tang and chocolate goodness.

Like the perfect strawberry dipped in the most expensive, most creamy delicious milk chocolate. I forget all about my migraine, resorting to my old habit of ignoring it completely.

"Gurk. I like Gurk, Gurk is good." I say once I've finished it, running my tongue along my lips. The Doctor watches my tongue's voyage, his eyes twinkling.

"I knew you'd love it! Now…" He says, his eyes darkening mischievously, "About that karaoke."

The previous karaoke participant is stepping off the stage now, waving to the crowd, with absolutely no applause whatsoever.

_Well that's encouraging._

"No." I say firmly, and the Doctor grabs my chair to jerk it closer to his. I can feel his sweetened breath warming my neck, and it sends shivers down my spine.

"Oh, c'mon Evy! Live a little! These people could use a good songstress, to liven the place up!" He murmurs, "Just one little song! One measly song."

"Nope."

"Just one!"

"Forget it."

"Not even for me? I'm hurt…" He says, and my mistake is looking at him. His gold eyes are molten, pouting, begging, absolutely ill-behaved.

_Damn him. I'm going to make him squirm for it, though._

"Fine, you stubborn alien. One stupid song and then we're leaving before anyone knows what hits them, got it?" I say, and get up without another glance at him. Without thinking, I'm walking up to the stage in a fit of boldness, and grabbing the mike.

Then I look up and see the dozens upon dozens of foreign, milky eyes upon me. Waiting for me to screw up, or trip, or stutter, or any manner of embarrassing things.

I might barf.

"Hi, excuse me, you don't happen to know any Earth songs, do you?" I say to the band, and one of them sighs deeply and waves to a guy behind the curtain. I look out into the darkened room, into the alien crowd, smiling uncomfortably before giving the Doctor a murderous glare.

He just grins as wide as he can at me.

_Bastard._

After what must be a thousand years, the guy from behind the curtains comes back, with what seems to be a radio, or something.

"What's the song?" He asks me, and I swallow nervously, steeling my nerves.

_Maybe making the Doctor squirm isn't worth it. Maybe I should pick a more tame song. _

Then I glance at him, laughing under his breath at my discomfort, and that seals it.

"Long John Blues." I tell him, and he presses some buttons before leaving the stage. I grip the mike as if my life depended on it.

My hearts flip and expand to the point of bursting once the music starts. The slow, languid piano.

I start to sing out the lyrics, my voice shaky at first, until I get a hold of my traitorous body, force it cooperate.

The familiar, sensual music calms me a bit after a while. I'd always loved this song, sexy and humorous at the same time.

"I went to Long John's office, I said, _Doctor_ the pain is…. killin' me." I croon, getting a bit into it and swiveling my hips slowly to the music, dragging my free hand down my the curves of my body, "He said, don't worry baby, it's just your cavity, needs a little… filling."

I keep my eyes on the Doctor, smirking evilly when I see him reach up to loosen his tie, his grin turning wicked.

_Well, I did what I came up here to accomplish. Make the Doctor squirm. Can I just evaporate into nothingness and cease to exist now?_

The crowd is unresponsive. I might as well be performing for a bunch of sea sponges. They just sit with their milky eyes and their little dangly glowy things, staring blankly at me.

Once I finish the song, hitting the high note perfectly, might I add, one or two of them actually clap.

_At least I got more of an applause than the last guy…_

The Doctor lets out a whooping shout, standing up to clap furiously. My face practically falls off from the amount of blood rushing to it as I stumble off the stage, back to the Doctor.

He claps me on the back, laughing in delight.

"Very nice choice of song. How long have you been waiting to use that one?" He murmurs in my ear, then mimics my dancing, dramatically mouthing 'Doctor, the pain is killin' me!'

I chuckle, my face burning even more, then I grab his tie and start marching for the door.

"We're leaving, now. I'm going to spontaneously combust if we stay here another minute." I say, and the Doctor gives me a cheeky grin.

"You're not the only one!"

* * *

><p>I breathe in slowly, opening my eyes to see the orange sheets empty next to me. As always.<p>

The Doctor never sleeps in, unless we've had a particularly rough day. Then I might be lucky enough to wake up to a snoozing Time Lord.

I love those mornings, getting to see him laid bare and vulnerable. Not in the sense you might think, but in a deeper way, really. In sleep, he isn't running or hiding, he's not constantly fighting a manic battle with himself, his past self.

He's the Doctor without the Time War on those mornings. He's who I hope to see him as one day.

A man at peace with who he is and what he has done.

_I've got a whole 200 years to see it, so here's hoping._

"I thought I felt a conscious human!" I hear his voice and I crane my neck over my shoulder to see the Doctor peeking in through the doorway to the console room, "You want to eat before we set off?"

_He felt me. I'm still getting used to that whole thing. _

It had taken quite a while, nearly a whole year, to take effect after Solgard. I remember what he'd said to me, the day we'd taken Freya home from Colorado.

_"Time Lords can have a sort of low-level telepathy with one another. It intensifies the more time they spend together."_

He'd been so excited, thrilled actually, to know I'd gained that ability, however rudimentary and pathetic compared to his.

I'm not as practiced at it as he is, either. I was born a human, so telepathy hadn't exactly come easily to me. And when it does, it kind of freaks me out. It feels like standing on the edge of a precipice, with no guard rail, as if you might simply fall into someone else's personality.

I can feel him now, the soft coolness of his consciousness, laced with his particular flavor, brushing against mine. I can tell he feels my migraine now, because he recoils slightly.

I sigh, throwing my green-splotched hand, the Vinvocci one, up onto my forehead, not wanting to leave these deliciously cool sheets.

"Maybe some coffee? Spritz of caramel, dash of creamer, pinch of Syruzian sugar?" He says, thankfully separating his mind from mine completely. He knows I don't enjoy it as much as he does.

"That'd be lovely." I say, my voice crackling with sleep. His face disappears from the doorway, and I force myself up into a sitting position, and then standing, stretching my limbs and yawning. I untangle my nightgown from how I'd slept in it, and then pad across the floor of the T.A.R.D.I.S, the chill of it unpleasant on my bare feet.

In the kitchen, the Doctor is sitting at the table, his back to me, the smell of fresh coffee wafting all around.

"Making me coffee? How domestic of y-"

I jerk to a halt when I see what he's got set in front of him.

A brown leather-bound book, my journal. I'd begun writing down my thoughts shortly after Solgard. It was difficult to adjust to being three species at once, and writing it all down had helped. It just kind of continued to be a regular thing for me after that.

"Hey! You little snoop, give it here!" I say, lurching forward to grab the book from him, but he's too quick. He stands up, his hand resting on my forehead firmly. I reach for the book futilely, but his long arm keeps me far from my goal.

"'The biggest question I have today is how does he keep his hair looking so tousled and sexy? I mean, where is he keeping all of the hair products? It's too perfect not to use gallons of John Freida or something. I keep trying to focus on getting the T.A.R.D.I.S to show me his secret dressing room, but no success. I know it has to be around here somewhere.'" He reads, smirking all the while.

I growl furiously, ducking under his hand, twirling around him to snatch at the book again, but he's way ahead of me. He turns a few pages and begins reading again.

"'Today, I can't get the family from Abydos out of my mind. I'll never forget the look on the mother's face when we returned her daughter to her, safe and sound. I've never seen such pure relief, unadulterated joy. I wonder if I'll ever experience anything as strong as a mother's love for her child…'"

His smirk disappears completely. He stops trying to keep the journal away from me, and I grab it, holding it close to my chest.

_Apparently, delving into my mind periodically isn't enough for him, he has to eavesdrop on my most personal written thoughts too!_

"Do Time Lords not have any concept of…" He's looking at me as if I'd slapped him, told him I hated him, punched him right in the gut, "Any concept of… Hey, are you okay?"

He just frowns, shaking his head slowly.

"Coffee's ready." He says, rushing to the coffee-maker, and preparing it how I like it, his movements sluggish and then fast, sluggish and then fast. I narrow my eyes as I sit at the table, and concentrate on focusing my energy on him, reaching for his mind with mine.

I briefly feel the coolness I'm searching for, but I'm too inexperienced and he's too good at putting walls up. He shuts me out with a certain finality, and I'm almost offended.

He sets the coffee in front of me, and sits down in the seat across from me. I wrap my hands around the hot mug, staring him down.

"Thank you… For the coffee." I say carefully, and just like that, he goes from haltingly excruciated to happy-go-lucky. The mood change doesn't leave me reeling as it might have once.

_This is him, the Doctor I know. Wearing his pain on his sleeve, doing his best to hide it._

"Well I know you're a pain in the arse if you don't get your coffee in the morning. I was doing us both a favor." He says, and I let out a derisive snort as I take a sip of the blessed beverage.

"Rude." I say after savoring the warmth that seeps into my veins from the coffee, "You're one to talk, Mr. I'm-going-to-wake-up-five-hours-early-to-bang-around-with-my-tools-in-the-console-room."

"She needed a tune up! And you sleep in so late, what was a guy to do?" He says, leaning back in his chair as if he hasn't a care in the world.

The twinge of pain in my brain gets a bit more intense as my frustration with him peaks.

_I wish, just this once, he'd tell me without me having to wring it out of him one way or another._

_For a telepathic creature who craves mental interconnectivity, my Time Lord sure is a secretive little bugger._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hi there, hello, howdy do.**

**Just here to shamelessly beg for reviews. Tell me what you like, what you don't like. I'm extremely flexible as a writer, I will even delete a chapter and rewrite it if you don't like one of the big points of it. I would string myself up and set fire to my own hair if it would make you people happy.**

**...**

**Okay maybe not that far, I enjoy having long hair and I prefer it to be unburnt, but I just love you all so much, it hurts**

**So gimme some feedback, tell me what you want to see, and I will oblige within the limits of sanity! Can I just say I'm SUPER happy to see some of my readers from TGS on here still! I SQUEALED WHEN I SAW YOUR REVIEWS. Not even joking, squealed like an excited little piglet.**

**I just... Okay this author's note is too long. I must draw the line somewhere! **

**You are all amazing people who show the world what humanity is all about, and don't you forget it.**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**


	3. The Lonely-God Complex

I'm halfway through getting dressed for the day when the Doctor walks into his room… my room… our room, whichever, having finished his sullen breakfast.

I hold a red backless sundress in one hand and an olive green tunic dress in the other. I alternate them in front of my black lace bra, giving him a questioning look.

"What do you think, which one says 'Let's not die today' more?" I prompt, waving the garments in front of me. "I could wear my good running boots with the green, but the red one feels more… lucky."

He smiles half-heartedly at me, pointing to the red before silently shrugging off his pajama top.

I keep my eyes on him for a few moments, starting to get impatient with this despondent mood of his. I know I must be gentle, though.

_No matter how much I'd like to smack the happiness back into him…_

_And it would be so much quicker._

"Doctor?" I say, putting the dresses on the bed and making my way over to him. He has managed to get his suit pants on, and he's reaching for his shirt when he finally meets my gaze. He only holds it for a moment before grabbing the shirt and bringing it up to put it on.

"Hmm?"

I take a deep breath and pad over to him, gently removing his hands from his buttons. My own begin to deftly do them up, and I feel his gold eyes watching my face intently.

"Do you want to talk about something?" I ask, and I tentatively reach out to his mind, only to find those walls again.

"Talk? What's there to talk about?" He says, his voice monotone, and I lift my eyes to give him a dubious look.

"You, Mr. Doctor, are acting very strange this morning."

"Am I?"

_No smacking, Evy. Be gentle, even though he's being a condescending prick. No… Smacking…_

I clear my throat, halfway up the buttons on his shirt my now.

"Yes, you seem… I don't know. Surly."

He doesn't say anything.

I just continue in my buttoning quest, and once I've done the last button he likes done up, I reach around him for the tie he'd chosen for today.

A sickly, brown colored thing, with dots of sallow green on it. I grimace before lifting it over his head.

_Something is definitely wrong, if his tie is any indication of his mood._

"Why won't you-"

"Evy, darling, you are trying to help, and I love you for it, I love you, I do. But you need to drop this. There's no use chatting about it. What's done is done." He says, the sudden severity of his voice surprising me. I stare into his wide gold eyes, swirling like they do when his fight or flight mode has kicked in.

_Wow. Usually it takes much longer to get him to open up… Now we're getting somewhere._

"Was it something in my journal?"

"Evy." He warns. I just continue tying the disgusting fabric around his sinewy neck.

"Something about that little girl from Abydos?"

"Evy, I mean it."

"So do I, Doctor." I say, finishing the knot with a strong tug, "It bothers me to see you upset. It was all good and well to say you never had to tell me anything when we were just friends. But…"

I gesture to my mostly naked body, clad in lacy black.

"Now it's not so okay."

His eyes follow my hands, lingering on my curves before rising to meet my now fiery gaze. He lets out a breath, running his hands through his hair.

"Okay, alright, yes, you're right…" He says, and I almost regret that he hasn't escalated this into a fight.

Our fights normally end right over there, on those orange sheets.

"I'm sorry, I just hate to trouble you sometimes. And, I know this particular topic probably hasn't even crossed your mind but… Evy, what happened to you on Solgard-"

He pauses, as if the words just get caught in his throat.

"It's not just you and I who will never be able to have kids… You know, if you'd thought of that."

I frown, because I _had_ briefly thought of that, many times.

"What do you mean?" I ask, knowing his answer already, but just needing to hear it.

"Your DNA has been tampered with, on a major level… You're sterile. Even if we found an exact genetic match to you, someone who had been molded in the exact same way that the Gate molded you, it still wouldn't work. The human body can only take so much of a beating."

I swallow thickly, now taking my turn to avoid his gaze. I feel cold all of the sudden.

_Talk about changing up your happy ending..._

"I'm sorry, love." He says, and I'm glad when he opens his arms, allowing me to fold myself into him. He instinctively destroys his walls, and wraps his consciousness around mine.

Normally I would recoil, try to set up my own boundaries for fear of losing myself. But… This isn't unsettling, this kind of connection he has started. It feels like how he had described it to me years ago.

_Like holding hands._

"I did this to you, and I'm so sorry."

_Moment of comfort ruined._

"You… What, how did you do this?" I say, pulling away enough to let him see my frown. He tries to let me feel the guilt in his mind, to show me rather than tell me how, but I'm having none of it.

I fill my mind with denial. Pure rejection of his logic, and he drifts away, sensing a lost cause.

"I stole you away from Earth, I had the T.A.R.D.I.S, I brought you to all the places leading to Solgard, I had the vast knowledge of time and space, it's no one's fault but my own! Your safety and health is my responsibility, Evy, and I should have-"

"Should have what? Dropped me back on Earth after you saved my life on Trinifare? Gave me a souvenir, a pat on the head, and left me?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I should have done!" He says quickly, and I can't help the flash of hurt that I know bolts across my features. I'm speechless for a few floundering moments, my lips opening and closing around half-formed words.

_ERRRR. Wrong, the correct answer was: No, of course not, I would never do something like that to you, Evelyn, my light, my love, my glowing stars, because I know that would have destroyed you and left you feeling pointless and out of place, once again, on Earth, alone, for the rest of your miserable life!_

"I should have, but I didn't. I was selfish, I was careless, I'd just lost everyone, all my friends, the people I loved, Donna, Martha… Rose. Even Jack. I lost everyone. I didn't want to be alone again, the thought was unbearable."

I can feel a nasty retort rising like bile in the back of my throat, but I swallow it back down with an impressive display of willpower.

_The stupid, idiotic, daft moron of a Time Lord._

"No, no no no. See, that wasn't selfish, it would have been selfish if I were begging you to go home, if I wanted to leave you. What's selfish is thinking that you should have just made the decision for me. Do you even realize what that would have done to me? You seriously could have just dropped me off, like a stray kitten? You wanted to do that?"

"It's not about what you wanted, or what I wanted, it's about what needed to be done." He says, his eyes flashing dangerously. I clench my fists, pushing myself off of his chest forcefully, "If I had just done the right thing, you might be having a good, normal life. The life you should have had. A family of your own, becoming Dr. Crenshaw…"

I just stare at him, shaking my head, ignoring the ache in my hearts.

"You should hear yourself right now. It's like you don't even know me." I say, trying to turn away and storm over to snatch my dresses off his bed, but his arm slides across my waist, imprisoning me in a gentle embrace.

I'm helpless to fight my way out of it, and he knows it.

"But I couldn't. Partly because I'm a selfish ne'er-do-well. Partly because I couldn't see a single timeline of mine without you in it. Partly because you are living, breathing, walking happiness to me." He plants a kiss on my neck, "Partly because even then, I knew I loved you."

_Damn it. How am I supposed to show him how wrong he is when I'm melting into a puddle at his feet?_

"Well… Just for future reference, I'd like my own safety to be up to me. If you ever have a passing fancy to drop me off on Earth, just… Don't." I say, turning around to press my nose to his, reveling in the feel of his hands sliding up my bare back. "You're not allowed to make decisions for me, because obviously I wear the pants in this relationship."

He raises an eyebrow at me, clearly not getting my joke.

"Because… I'm not… wearing pants. Get it? Oh, for Christ's sake." I say, laughing and twirling out of his grasp to snatch my dress up.

"And you say I'm the ham." He says, laughing with me and putting on his trainers.

"Must be infectious."


	4. In the Wake of a Conqueror

"Here we are, as requested! Babylon, 331 B.C.!" The Doctor says, and I grip his hand tighter when I open the door a bit, unsure of what I'll see.

"331 B.C. And you're sure it's October? The 21st of October?" I say, grinning when I see the peaks of hundreds of white tents, pitched about a mile below us, nestled in a dry valley. Horses kick up dust, cattle groan in the heat of the evening sun. The shouts of men can be heard rising over the dry wind.

Next to the city of tents lays a real city, ringed by a stone wall. The buildings rise high into the shimmering heat of the sky, all marble and magnificence.

Smoke rises from a few spots in the city.

"Yes, I'm sure of it. I made absolutely sure this time, 331 B.C." He says, and I let out a little laugh of excitement, grabbing his arm and jumping up and down.

"I've always wanted to meet Alexander the Great! I mean, what must his personality be like, such a strategist, yet so very human, so determined to make a mark on the world. And right after his most important victory, capturing Persia's capital? Oh, this is amazing. Have I ever told you I love this?" I say, and the Doctor locks the door behind us, grinning at my enthusiasm, but I can see the hint of apprehension in his eye as he gazes at the city.

"You might have mentioned it a few times." He says, and his frown deepens when he focuses on the pillars of smoke at the center of the marble city.

I can't pay attention to that now, though.

I'd always been fascinated by the man. I've read books, first-hand accounts written by his closest circle, watched television specials on him. There had always been one question that no one could ever seem to answer straight: What was Alexander the Great like as a man, as a person? Sure he was a great conqueror, an amazing strategist, and ruled with an iron fist…

But what was his favorite color?

_I'm a bit of a fan-girl of his, actually, now that I think about it. _

"Never met him, but I guess we'll both be finding out very soon!" The Doctor says, and we start making our way down the hill, towards the enormous city. "Keep on your guard, alright? His army has just won their biggest battle yet. They'll be... excited. To say the least."

When we reach the outer ring of tents, I see that they're inhabited by the workers of Alexander's army. The cooks, the servants, the slaves, the horse grooms, the cattle herds.

The animals walk in the dirt among their caretakers, and a few scraggily looking stray dogs run around, in and out of tents.

The people stare blankly at us, none of them commenting on our strange clothing compared to theirs. None even respond when we say hello to them, they just stare.

"Not that I thought working in Alexander's army would be glamorous, but this looks straight miserable." I mutter to the Doctor, and he nods grimly.

"Evy, I don't want you to get your hopes too high. I met someone I had looked up to, Shakespeare actually, and he was brilliant, sure… Just not exactly what I expected. You know?" He says, his voice gentle, and I take my hand out of his to cup his cheek, patting it patronizingly.

"This is Alexander we're talking about here. He's got to be Great for a reason!" I say, ignoring the skeptical frown on his face.

After a few minutes of walking, we start getting into the ring of soldiers' tents, a bit bigger than the servants' tents, but not by much. They look much less miserable though. Most of the tents seem to be empty, but the men who have chosen to stay outside the city are gawking at us. As if they'd never seen a female human being before.

"What's with the broad?" I hear one of the soldiers yell, and I cringe under the increasing amount of attention we're drawing. The Doctor just waves at the soldiers, and I lift my chin indignantly under the barrage of jeers, suddenly wishing I'd worn something less form fitting than my red sundress.

_War often makes lonely men into monsters…_

Finally we're pulling through the thick of the tents, approaching the gate of Babylon, preceded by a wide cobble-stone road. It is a gigantic thing, resting in an arch of stone in the wall.

It's gaped wide open, inviting us into the maze of buildings beyond it. At first, the stone streets are quiet, empty. An older woman, hunched over a decimated fruit cart, lets out a squeak and rushes into a nearby building when she sees us coming. People are closing drapes of silk over their windows, slamming doors closed as we approach... A sickly feeling settles into the pit of my stomach when the smell of smoke becomes more pungent.

Just as I begin to wonder where the rest of Alexander's army is, the sound of chaos drifts through the sharp corners of the streets of Babylon.

People screaming at the top of their lungs.

The drunken sound of men laughing.

Shouts of pure terror and grief.

The scraping clang of metal clashing against metal.

"Doctor." I say, gripping his arm when the sounds are becoming too loud for comfort.

"Sure you still want to meet Alexander the Great? We can just turn back, head to the T.A.R.D.I.S, and be gone, simple as that." The Doctor says, and I consider it for a moment.

_I'm here. I am here, in Babylon, at the peak of his conquest. Everything I've read about... This is what it means to finally know the man behind the legend. If I'm to meet the conqueror, I have to see what he's conquered, the consequences of what he has done. _

_It can't always be karaoke and desserts._

"I'm sure."


	5. Babylon Burns

I never want to remember.

I never want to see what I'm seeing, not ever again.

I know that this will haunt me for the rest of my very long life.

Flames burn in my eyes as I see the 'glory' of Alexander's greatest conquest.

People treating people in the most brutal of ways, dehumanizing, horrid. Alexander's men are beasts in the wake of their victory. Absolute monsters, destroying anything and everything they can get their hands on.

I was foolish to ask for this, to beg him to bring me here. He doesn't seem to blame me, as if he'd already made this mistake, and knows I just need to make it. He just seems hopeless, keeping his empty eyes on the road in front of us, a protective arm around me. I'm not sure whether it's to reassure me, or to make sure I don't run off.

"Can't we do something?" I say, bile rising in the back of my throat as I see a man drag a woman out of her house, kicking and screaming at him. I hear a little voice from inside the house.

"Mommy!"

"We can't change what happens here, Evy. Alexander the Great conquers Babylon, his men sack the city. It's an important part of history."

I can't tear my eyes off of the gruesome scene, though. I just can't.

The woman manages to catch her balance enough to take a swing at her captor, jacking his jaw, causing him to drop her. She tries to scramble back to the house, where I see a tiny face peeking around the corner. A tiny, frightened face.

"Can't we-"

The man kicks the woman's legs out from under her, earning a shrill scream from her child.

"We can still turn back, Evy." The Doctor says, and his eyes follow mine, to the woman's probably last struggle. The man has his thick hands around her throat now, and her little boy is sobbing.

Panic wells up inside me, a combination of maternal instinct and human decency.

I duck out from under the Doctor's arm and sprint as fast as I possibly can, jumping over rubble and dodging drunken soldiers.

"Evy, wait!"

The woman's struggling has become frail, now.

_Oh, God, no, I'm going to be too late._

I grab a cracked urn off of the street, holding it above me as my legs struggle to propel me faster towards my destination.

"Mommy!" The little boy wails as I finally reach them, and I let out a shout of rage, bringing the urn down on top of the man's head with all the strength I can muster.

It shatters over his large head and he lurches up to give me a heavy lidded, confused look, only to topple over next to the poor lady. The woman is coughing, curled up on the ground in pain, her face hidden by her long dark hair. Her sheer brown dress is tattered, the embroidery ripped in some places.

"Are you okay?" I say, crouching beside her, helping her to sit up. She brushes her dark hair out of her face, wiping some blood from her mouth, to give me a wary but fierce look, and I nearly yelp in surprise.

She looks exactly like me.

I'm suddenly jerked up off the ground, by rough, calloused hands around my arms.

"My lucky day," An impossibly deep voice growls in my ear, and when I struggle, I suddenly find myself face first in the dirt, "Twins."

I roll around to get a look at my attacker. A greasy looking brute, armored to the nines. I attempt to kick under that Roman-esque armored skirt of his, but he deftly brings his foot up to smash my leg to the ground, putting his full weight on it. I thrash in pain and fury.

My doppelganger must not only be similar to me on the outside because she is up now. Up and at 'em.

She launches herself onto the soldier's back with a ferocious yell, pummeling his head with her little fists as hard as she can. He ends up just reaching around and tossing her back to the ground, roughly too. Her boy wails again, hiccupping with sobs.

I eye the sword in his belt with desperate interest.

_If I can just get close enough to-_

"Hey there big boy!"

The soldier turns towards the divinely familiar voice, only to get a face full of Time Lord fist. He stumbles to his knees, freeing my leg, and I take the opportunity to sock him in the face with my sandaled foot. I feel something crunch before he finally falls to the cobbled street. The Doctor shakes his hand, hissing in pain, before crouching next to me.

"Evy, are you okay? You always have to run off, why do you always have to run off? Can't you give me a heads up before springing towards almost certain doom? Is that so much to ask?" He says, helping me up off the ground, his voice furious but relieved. "We're leaving. We're leaving now."

"Doctor."

"I mean it, I wanted to make you happy after this morning, and I thought you'd be cross with me if I forbid you to see your precious Alexander, but I'm past caring. I tried to explain, but no. You had to see Alexander the bloody Great. We are leaving."

"Doctor, look." I shout, pointing to my spitting image. He scowls at me before following my finger to where I'm pointing.

"Oh. Oh!... Ohhh…" He says, his voice moving up the scale from understanding, to surprise, to complete confusion. "That's… Oh…"

My doppelganger is holding her boy now, his little hands clenching the fabric of her dress so hard that his tiny brown knuckles are white. She is crying, too, now, holding him like her life depends on it, in the doorway of their modest house.

My hearts clench, and my throat tightens almost painfully.

"She looks almost exactly like me. She even has that freckle, right here on my chin." I say, cringing when a few soldiers run past us, sloshing an urn of wine between them.

"Skin's a little darker, she's about four inches taller than you, and her measurements are off…" He says, and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Measurements? You know my measurements?" I say, and he shrugs, grinning ever so slightly.

"Well… Just vaguely. You know… 34-24-36."

I just stare at him, a disbelieving smirk on my lips.

"Wrong measurements or not, she needs to get out of here, or her and her little boy are goners." I say, glancing around at the burning city quarter, giving him a pleading look, "We can help them, can't we?"

"We can't save the city, it's lost to Alexander now, but…" He gets that look in his eye, the one that means he's remembering one of his friends, one of the people he lost, "We can save someone. We can save them."


	6. The Lucky Oracle

"Follow us, we can get you out of Babylon, you and your son." The Doctor says to my doppelganger, and she pushes the boy behind her as we approach. He cowers behind her brown dress, eyeing me with confusion that perplexes me for a moment, until I remember.

_Oh right, I look exactly like Mommy…_

"I thank you for saving my life, but how am I to know I can trust you, Greeks, Macedonians, whatever you are…" She says, and even her voice sounds like mine. I get the feeling one gets when listening to a recording of their own voice.

_Is that really what I sound like? Eugh…_

"Look at me. I'm… Well, you're practically my twin. Why would we not want to help you? We could be…" I say, trailing off as a beautiful and strange thought occurs to me.

_Related. We could be related. Ohmygod we could be related._

"Related." She finishes, tearing her disbelieving hazel eyes away from me to look at her son for a moment, weighing her options.

It's then that some soldiers, who had previously been tearing down wooden supports to a hanging garden, notice us standing in the street.

"We should probably hurry, er… What's your name?" The Doctor says rapidly, eyes darting between the soldiers and my doppelganger. She sees the source of his anxiety, and nods quickly.

"Azara Anisa Askari." She says, picking up her boy, nestling him onto her hip, and following the Doctor as he leads us back the way we came.

Only to find it blocked, by even more soldiers than are behind us. They're not running around, or destroying things, or drinking. They're just being led by a particularly calm man, tall and wiry, dressed in fine bronze armor. He's got dark hair down to his shoulders, holding a plumed helmet under his arm, looking brusque and annoyed. The Doctor waves us back the way we came, and when we round the corner of the street, we run back into the band of drunken soldiers, much to their delight.

They let out whooping shouts, eyeing Azara and I with particular relish. The Doctor holds his arms out, corralling us behind him when they start to encircle us.

_Admirable, but fat lot of good that'll do us when they start hacking at you with their big sharp swords…_

Azara is practically snarling at the men, holding her boy as close to her as possible.

I look around for something to defend us with, anything at all.

A charred hunk of wood at my feet seems to be the best I'll be able to do, so I snatch it up, holding it at the ready.

Behind us, the rest of the soldiers have rounded the corner, too, and I whirl around to wave my burnt stick at them.

"Stay back! I'm not afraid to skewer a man, I'm really not!" I shout at them.

The dignified leader of the group, the tall man with the black eyes, just raises an eyebrow, and waves his group past us.

"Alex won't be pleased. Look at this, acting like starved lions, devouring the locals like heathens…" I hear him say to the man on his right, and I think quickly, as fast as I possibly can.

_Alex, he said Alex. Alexander the Great, who was his closest commander, his second hand?_

_Oh, it began with an H, long sort of name, sounded like the name of a Greek God…_

_Best friend since childhood, most trusted advisor…_

_THINK, DAMN IT._

"Hep- Hephaestion! Lord Hephaestion!" I shout, my voice cracking in my panic as he gets farther away from us, leaving us to the dogs, literally.

_Oh, please be right. Was it Hephaestus? Maybe that isn't him, maybe it's that one general's son, Ptolemy?_

He whirls around, as do most of his men, and they look back and forth between us in confusion. The drunks surrounding us pause also, the authority of the man I'd addressed apparently giving them reason to stop.

"Hephaestion." I try again, and he hands his helmet to one of his men, striding towards us almost furiously.

"And who are you?" He demands, eyeing the Doctor, sizing up the threat he may be. He seems to be satisfied with what he determines, because he then ignores the Doctor completely, turning his dark eyes to me.

"I'm uh… I'm Evelyn Crenshaw, this is Azara Anis… Azara Aniski... _Azara_, and this is the Doctor." I say, putting my hands up in front of me, trying to convey as clearly as I can that we don't deserve to be butchered on the street like lambs.

"And how do you know me?"

_Oh good, I guessed right. What are the freakin' chances?!_

"I know you because, see, I know you for a very good reason, and that reason, well, it's a reason that is pretty amazing, because…" I flounder, desperately grasping for anything that might save our lives, make us valuable.

_Oracle_, I feel the Doctor's cool consciousness interject into my mind.

"I'm an… Oracle! I have traveled very far and very… uh, very long to speak to the King of Macedon, the Liberator of the Greeks, King Alexander! I have the answers he so desperately seeks!" I say haltingly, feeling incredibly ridiculous.

"An Oracle." Hephaestion says, looking extremely unimpressed, "The King already has a soothsayer, he doesn't need an Oracle, as well. No matter how pretty."

He turns on his heel, and I stutter, brushing past the Doctor to follow him.

_What can I say to convince him we're valuable?_

_Something personal…_

_Come on, History Channel, don't fail me now!_

"What do you think of your bride-to-be, the princess, uhh… Drypetis! Persian King Darius III's youngest daughter! Yeah, that's right. Alexander so kindly gifted her to you, but what do you think of said gift?" I say in a rush, and he halts in his tracks.

He stands stock still for a moment, his armored shoulders stiff.

Then, with a single wave of his hand, his men surround us, pushing through the drunken thugs like a boat through water, and relief nearly makes my knees jelly.

Azara is just staring at the Doctor and me as if we were aliens from…

_Well…_

"You… are… brilliant. You know that?" The Doctor mutters to me, taking my shaking hand in his, and I laugh erratically.

"Well, I _am_ an Oracle. Apparently."


	7. Alexander the Bloody Great

Hephaestion leads us to the very heart of Babylon, through the chaos and pilfering of the once beautiful city. It crumbles under the ferocity of Alexander's horde of monsters, every building either swarming with drunken soldiers, or burning to the ground.

All except the Palace of Babylon. Shining in the shimmering sky, untouched by the death and devastation that surrounds her. She sits proudly in the flames, a fallen Queen.

Hephaestion's men take us through hallways of white and blue marble, intricately carved designs littering the glimmering walls. Tall staircases of polished, spotlessly clean marble, perfumed with spiced incense, lead us closer to the famed conqueror.

"You should tread lightly. The King is not in the best of spirits." Hephaestion says to us before rounding the corner into a gigantic open area. A courtyard, full of fountains and pillows and women. Lots of women. Some very well dressed Macedonian soldiers are spread out among the plush room, enjoying a peace that I believe the city outside the Palace won't experience for years to come.

"You'd think winning one of the most important battles in his campaign would put a conqueror in a good mood…" The Doctor says, and Hephaestion throws him a tired look.

"A good mood? The concept is foreign to him now."

I expect Hephaestion to lead us to one of these decadent men, introduce us grandly, but he just leads us through the room straight to the other side. He dismisses his men once we reach an arch leading to a long hallway. Oil paintings line the corridor, paintings of dark skinned men with beards, posing majestically.

Hephaestion pauses at a decadent wooden door, carved with what looks like images of the Persian Gods.

"Whatever you have to say, be brief and be concise." Hephaestion says, his eyes softer than they had been before, "He needs to rest."

Then he opens the magnificent door, revealing a large room with a balcony, and a huge marble table in the center.

A broad-shouldered man, stout and muscular, wearing highly polished bronze armor with a tiger's pelt hanging at the back of it is hunched over the table, poring over dozens of papers. Maps, hand-written reports…

He lifts his light brown-haired head, kissed ever so slightly by the sun, to look at us briefly, and his eyes, set in a square and strong face, are what strike me as odd.

Striking green, except for one unique aspect.

His left eye is flecked with blue. Half blue, half green.

"Well?" He says, and Hephaestion sweeps past us into the room.

"Alex, the men are past all manner of decorum. They are ravaging Babylon, on an unprecedented scale. You were right."

Alexander's face falls, and he grimaces back at the maps and papers before him.

"I've kept them on a short reign for too long. This is what happens when you don't allow men certain… entertainments, Hephaestion, I was a fool to think their loyalty to me would sate them. Babylon was to be the crown jewel of my campaign, the halfway point into the East. Now look at it…"

He leaves the table to lean on the arch of the balcony, gazing out into the smoky haze of the city.

"Ruined." He spits, turning back around to regard us, "And I thought I told you no more women. I need to think, and think clearly. I have no time, nor the desire, to act like a pre-pubescent boy."

Then he looks at the Doctor, giving Hephaestion a suspicious look.

"Is this your idea of a joke, my friend?" He says, and Hephaestion shakes his head, smirking a little.

"This woman, she says she is an Oracle, here to give you prophecies of the future. She… knows things, things she could not have known." He says, frowning at me, "She knew of your gift to me, the one you gave me in private, just hours before."

Alexander regards me silently, his strange eyes seeming to bore into my very being. I bite my lip uncomfortably, letting go of the Doctor's hand to step forward a bit.

_What exactly do you say to a man you've researched for years for fun from hundreds of centuries before you were born?_

_There really needs to be a manual for time traveling._

"I'm Evelyn. I, uh… I'm the Oracle." I say awkwardly, waving my hand a bit.

I can feel the Doctor cringe mentally, and I raise my fragile walls in an effort to focus. It's hard enough with my own mind babbling away without his interjecting whatever he wants.

He nudges at the walls gently, in the hopes that I'll let him back in, let him feel my thoughts about my once precious Alexander.

I don't.

_Damn nosy alien._

Alexander waits for me to continue talking, walking forward, closer and closer, with his hands behind his back.

"And these are my, uh… friends, Azara Ansinki… Azara Akis… _Azara_, and the Doctor. I come from far away, and I think I might be able to… answer some questions. Of yours." I say, and he halts his advance about a foot away from me.

"Hephaestion, go fetch Granicus." He says, his eyes never leaving mine. I watch Hephaestion give a little bow before sweeping out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

"So, what do you want to know?" I say, clearing my throat, feeling uncomfortable under those unnaturally lucid, strangely colored eyes of his.

"I… would like to hear a prophecy." He says, gesturing for us to follow him to the table, and we sit in chairs that are tiny compared to it.

"A prophecy. Yes, I can do that, no problem, ah…" I say, racking my brain for something not too important, but not too insignificant.

"Oh! Got one! You, a gracious and just conqueror, will befriend the Persian royal family. You will become loved by them, loved even more than Darius himself. Except maybe the grandma, with Darius being her son and all…"

"That is good news," Alexander says, nodding and leaning back in his chair a bit, "I'm trying to gain the loyalty of my newly acquired nations, assimilating their culture being step one."

"That's right, you even gave Darius III a proper funeral, for which the Persians admired you." I say, and he looks very interested, leaning forward again.

"Funeral. When do I catch him, when does he die?" He asks, his eyes practically crackling with electricity.

I try to remember when, knowing that Darius fled the battle of Gaugamela, leaving his family to the mercy of Alexander in Babylon, but I can feel the Doctor kick me under the table a bit.

Right. I can't reveal too much, even the slightest knowledge can change the course of the future.

_Okay, so this is a little trickier than I thought it might be…_

"Uh… Soon! Soon, Alexander, but you will not catch up to him easily. A coward flees quicker than a man can run."

_Ooooh, good one, Evy! Very nice. That sounded real prophetic. _

It's then that the door opens, and I see Hephaestion come in, an older man in tow. He's wearing robes of black, the slightest of humpbacks rising beneath the black cloth. Besides that he doesn't seem to be extraordinary in any way.

"Granicus, as you requested." Hephaestion says, moving to stand behind Alexander's chair.

The old man shuffles over to sit next to Alexander, letting out a gruff sigh. Then he focuses his attention on me, regarding me silently for a long while, his wrinkled face stony.

"This one does not have the sight." He rasps to Alexander, whose lips turn down into a frown, "She is strange to this world, but she cannot See."

"I can see just fine, thank you."

"You cannot See, you simply know. There is a difference between Seeing and knowing, girl." I feel a nudging against the walls of my mind, then, a powerful nudging.

At first, I assume it's the Doctor, being his typical nosy self.

But it doesn't feel cool and familiar, as his does. It feels hot, blazing hot, and frenzied, and far better at telepathy than I ever will be.

My walls come crashing down, and I visibly wince, as I feel the fiery presence blast through my mind.

"No, you've never known Sight. But, as I said, you are strange to this world. Which means… I can show you." Granicus says, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm closing my eyes, seeing the flashes of images behind my lids.

My migraine throbs behind my skull, upset by the blazing hot intrusion.

"Evy? Evy, look at me." I hear the Doctor's voice, vaguely feel his hands tapping my cheeks.

_I see the Doctor stumbling through that snowy alleyway, his dying breaths ragged as ever._

_I see a regal man in flowing robes of red, with a stiff golden collar, his blue eyes full of Armageddon._

_I see my Time Lord in an orange spacesuit, alone, fire exploding all around him, his face as dark as death._

_"For a long time now, I thought I was just a survivor, but I'm not." I hear him say, and I can taste the bitterness, the pure pain behind the acrimony in his words, "I'm the winner. That's who I am. A Time Lord victorious."_

I suck in a breath, opening my eyes when Granicus finally releases me, and I feel the Doctor's soothing, wintery touch replacing his in my mind.

"What are you?" The Doctor demands of Granicus, who just smirks at him smugly.

"I could ask you the same thing." He replies, and turns to Alexander, "You can trust what the girl says, but I'd be wary. These are strange folk… Except for that one."

He points to Azara, who is bouncing her kid on her lap, watching us all with eyes like a hawk's.

"For once, I'm normal." She says, and her boy lets out a giggle.

I swallow thickly, practically tossing the Doctor out of my mind and throwing my walls up so fast, I doubt he even knows what hit him.

_You have got to be kidding me._


	8. The Doctor's Anathema

"You're right about one thing, Granicus, we aren't exactly residents here." The Doctor says, giving me a concerned frown, "But why don't you try that little trick of yours with me. Go on."

Granicus gives him a toothless smile, and with that, the Doctor goes slack beside me, his eyes closing, rolling rapidly behind the lids.

"Hey, stop it! You don't know what you're dealing with, old man." I say, hoping my voice sounds less frightened than I feel. I know exactly what he is experiencing now. Granicus's forceful, rough intrusion, branding his mind with images of the future.

_He should be used to it, I mean, he can see every glimmer of every timeline possible! He should be able to fight off this creep._

_So why isn't he?_

"On the contrary, I'm dealing with a shattered Time Lord, and a mutated mutt." He says, and I jerk back as if he had slapped me, "I expected at least a bit of a fight, though…"

_How? What is he, what kind of thing must he be in order to know all of this? _

_He can't be human. He just can't. _

"What are you? Tell me, right now!" I shout, my anger lifting me out of my seat to carry me towards the old man, only to be stopped by Hephaestion, protecting his King's precious soothsayer.

"He's an experiment gone wrong, an abomination against the laws of nature and time." I hear the Doctor say, and turn to see that he is alert once again, glaring at Granicus with utter hatred, "Impossible."

Concern causes me to reach tendrils of my consciousness out to his, and when I feel the coolness I'm looking for, I taste the tang of panic and fear and grief.

Grief most of all.

He won't meet my eyes.

_What did he show you?_

"Improbable." Granicus replies, and I shake Hephaestion's hands from around my arms, giving him a look that could melt metal, "Doctor, your sorrow is simply divine. Never have I experienced such expansive sensation."

Granicus looks as if he is tasting the sweetest of desserts, the most decadent of delicacies, his gummy smile wide as can be, watching the Doctor regain his composure.

"Granicus, does the woman have anything else of import to convey to me, or might I get back to the reports?" Alexander asks, and I realize that to anyone else, this conversation would be utter nonsense. He seems impatient, storms brewing in those sea-colored eyes of his.

"Alexander, King Alexander, you do realize that this man, Granicus, he isn't what he says he is… He's probably not even human." I say and the Doctor clears his throat, standing up, watching Granicus as if he has crosshairs in his eyes.

"Nah, you're right, we should let you get back to your duties as… conqueror. Thank you for the audience, for your time, much appreciated. Just one thing, one measly request from us all… At least try to save some of Babylon's people, won't you? There's still time…" The Doctor says, holding out a hand to me, and I leave Hephaestion's side to take it, giving him a questioning look.

_What are you doing? This thing could be controlling Alexander the Great, one of the most influential figures of antiquity… _

_Seems like something we might need to resolve…_

"I haven't the patience for that… It's not the people I'm concerned about, it's the city. And that's a bit of a lost cause, don't you think?" Alexander says, his voice irritated, gesturing to the balcony, where smoke billows into the now setting sun.

I feel as though something snaps in me, at that moment.

It's the snapping of a rubber band, the cracking of a seemingly sturdy branch, the last straw blowing into the wind.

It's admiration turning to disgust.

"Must be quite a disappointment." I hear Azara spit out, and she stands up to lead her boy over to us, visibly shaking with rage.

The Doctor places a hand on her shoulder, and she just keeps her hazel eyes on her boy, lips pressed tightly together.

"No kidding." I mutter, and it's then that Granicus stands up with much effort, starting to shuffle our way as well.

"I will show our disruptive guests out, my King. Do not trouble yourself with it further." He says, shambling past us and to the door. I look to the Doctor, and he nods almost imperceptibly, and I take that as the cue to go willingly.

_Whatever this thing is, the Doctor knows of it, despises it, but at the same time, seems not to be threatened by it._

_Curious…_

Walking silently down the ornate halls of the Palace of Babylon, it feels strange to be so defenseless to such a shriveled man. The power I felt behind his mind, in the surge of his Sight, it seems impossible that such a helpless-looking old man could possess that. He leads us, and we follow without a struggle because, instinctively, I know he could incapacitate us with a single thought. Running would be idiotic.

Yet, the Doctor doesn't seem distressed.

More like… annoyed. He keeps giving Granicus's back a cross glare, kind of like a little brother who has been reprimanded by an older brother. It's very strange…

Granicus leads us into a room, smaller than the last, but still pretty expansive. It has pillows strewn about the middle, which dips into a small pond, swirling with oddly colored fish. A deeply colored wooden table is littered with books and glass containers full of…

_Oh my God._

Full of… pickled animals. Little furry animals, suspended in murky liquid, one in each of the glass containers.

"What exactly are you that makes you an abomination of nature and time?" I ask after briefly gagging. Granicus just gestures for us to sit down on some of the pillows surrounding the pond.

"We'll stand." The Doctor says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his brown coat, but Azara's kid has seen the furry animals in jars, and he is very interested. He is already making his way to the table, and once Azara notices she starts after him, grabbing his little hand before he can even touch one.

"No, Rahim, stay with mommy." Azara mutters, picking him up and settling him onto her hip. He sits perched there, big brown eyes searching for something entertaining to do, one of his little hands curled into Azara's long dark hair.

My throat tightens, my hearts constrict, and I swallow thickly.

"Suit yourself, stubborn meatbags." Granicus says, painstakingly lowering himself onto a particularly large cushion, and letting out a breath of contentment.

_Meatbag. That's an insult I've never heard before…_

"Okay, let's try again," I say, my eyes avoiding the equally upsetting jars of furry sadness and adorable mother and child, "What are you?"

"Why don't you ask the Doctor? He knows me. And I know him." Granicus replies, reaching over to a bowl of dates, and munching on a few.

I look to the Doctor, who rolls his eyes.

"Bit dramatic." He mutters, then glances at me sheepishly, as if by knowing Granicus, he has done something wrong, "Granicus isn't Granicus… Granicus himself was an actual human being, well he's still an actual human being, but his consciousness, his personality, his soul, whatever you may want to call it, is gone... Taken over by the Antediluvian Cognition Reconnaissance Drone."

_The what now?_

When I just look at him blankly, he clears his throat and looks to the ceiling, as if unsure of how to continue. Azara seems to be uncomfortable with the turn of conversation, shifting her eyes anywhere but near us, focusing on Rahim's antics.

"Okay, so the Time War. Last bit of it, everyone's getting desperate. The Time Lords were looking for a way to infiltrate the Dalek intelligence, because if we could know all of their moves before they even made them… Well, that would make it quite a bit easier, wouldn't it? But how does one do that? The Daleks are super computers, each and every one of them. Hacking into their command system was a near impossible feat."

"Okay…" I say, following what he's saying pretty closely.

_For once._

"If we could somehow hack the Dalek itself, the flesh and blood organism, though… Well, that would hack the command system for us, and if we could get a hold on a Dalek Supreme, ohhh…" He says, satisfaction in his voice, even now, so far from the war, "It would have turned the tides dramatically. So, in a nutshell, the more science-inclined of the Time Lords got together, and after many years, created that."

He nods to Granicus, still munching on dates.

"The Antediluvian Cognition Reconnaissance Drone. Basically, a sentient bunch of plekton energy particles, synthesized circulating electricity, and just a dash of the Time Vortex. Would've been brilliant, yeah, if it hadn't been just a bit too sentient."

Granicus grins that shiver-worthy toothless grin of his, and nods.

"I jumped ship, literally, kick-started into the vortex by a Time Lord. Hopped right into the consciousness of a deserter, oh, it's been so long, what did he call himself? The Dictator... The Overlord... No, no..."

The Doctor frowns, his eyebrows practically knitting together in his annoyance with Granicus.

"The Master. You hacked the Master as he was leaving Gallifrey, right at the fall of the Citadel." The Doctor says, and Granicus snaps his wrinkled fingers, nodding vigorously.

"Yes, yes, the Master. He had a beautiful mind, twisted, but laced with powerful unhappiness. Nothing more beautiful than sadness, in my opinion. Sure, it was tainted by his madness, but I enjoyed it nonetheless." He says flippantly, and I bite my lip, trying to keep up with all of this information, "He was already thinking of fleeing, I just nudged him in the right direction."

"Why? The Time Lords might have had a chance if you had stayed. Why not just fulfill your programming?" The Doctor says, and I understand his hatred of this thing now.

_He might have not had to end the Time Lords had the drone simply done what it was supposed to do... Who knows which way the war would have turned, but the drone certainly couldn't have hurt their chances._

"But I am fulfilling my programming, Time Lord. I hack a new organism every 20 years, at least! I'm just doing it on my terms." Granicus says, picking at a hangnail, as if he has nothing better to occupy his attention.

_So Granicus is just a vessel, basically. A puppet. A lifeless puppet, being controlled by this drone…_

"How many times have you taken over a human being?" I ask, fearing the answer I know I'll get.

"Oh, I've lost count. Do you even comprehend how long it has been, for me, in my own personal timeline? Probably not, humans are not particularly bright, nor do you last very long. Emotion is your only true asset, really." He says, and focuses his eyes on me.

A shiver runs up my spine, and I close my eyes, shuddering under the heat of his intrusion.

_I see a coffee shop, a table, where a Time Lord and a human sit morosely._

_"I'm going to die." I hear the Doctor's voice, hopeless and lonelier than I've ever heard him in my years of knowing him._

_"So am I. One day." The human, an old man in a red hat says back, and I don't see the coffee shop anymore. Instead I see an office, of sorts... with... The Immortality Gate in it?_

_The one from Solgard._

_ "God bless the cactuses!" That same kindly looking old man shouts, all tied up to a chair, his droopy face full of joy, and I see the Doctor in front of him, tied up even more elaborately._

_"That's cacti!" He corrects, and a familiar looking green humanoid, green and spiked on top, scoffs, fumbling with the ties that entrap the Doctor._

_"That's racist!" He says angrily, his green face flushing a bit._

_Then I'm whirled away, into a large room, and I see a beaten, bloodied Doctor, kneeling on a marble floor, breathing heavily, despair in his gold eyes._

_"I could have done so much more."_

I come back slowly this time, leaning on the Doctor, who is glaring at Granicus, teeth bared angrily.

"Stop it, pick on someone who's used to it, why don't you?" He growls, and turns to me with concern in his eyes. "You alright? Just blink and breathe, reinforce those walls we've worked on? Can you do that?"

I nod, realizing I have tears on my cheeks. I swipe at them hurriedly, trying to ignore the green on my hand, because of what it reminds me of.

_That was a Vinvocci. The green guy, that was a Vinvocci. In the Doctor's future, his last day. Why are there Vinvocci? Why did I see the Immortality Gate?_

A sickly feeling settles into my stomach, and my hearts start to race.

_The Vinvocci, the people that I saved, that I rewrote time for, why are they there, on his dying day?_

_And where the hell am I at the time?_

"This one, Doctor, you know how to pick them. She has a lovely capacity for grief. Fascinating, how emotion can destroy so wonderfully. After all these millennia of hopping through the vortex, from human to human, I still cannot say I understand it… Humans have died from the wretchedness of their sorrow, you know." Granicus says, snuggling into his pillow further, a satisfied grin on his face, "None can compare to yours though. Killer of your own kind."

That little jeer snaps me back from my panic attack pretty quick.

"You may have lived in humans for ages, but that doesn't bring you anywhere close to knowing what it's like to live. Actually live. You're a gaggle of electricity and timey wimey bits, from what I gather, so who are you to judge anyone? You're not even alive." I say, straightening up from the Doctor's supporting grasp, my hands curling into fists at my side, "You don't know him, you don't know me, and you probably don't even know poor Granicus, for that matter."

Granicus, or the drone, wipes the smile off of his face, a grimace replacing it.

"For such a feeble mind, your heart is strong, I'll give you that."

"Hearts." I retort, and I catch the Doctor's slight grin out of the corner of my eye.

"Right, of course, your little accident on Solgard… Do you understand yet?" He says, that malicious grin returning once again. That sickly feeling in my stomach intensifies, filling my abdomen with the sharp smack of dread.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"And you, Doctor?" The drone asks, and I glance at him curiously, wondering what the drone might have shown him to incite grief, "Always losing your toys."

_That's what he does. He finds grief beautiful, for his lack of understanding of it, so he searches a timeline, tries to provoke it…_

_And provoke it, he does._

The Doctor's nostrils flare slightly, and I see the pulse in his neck kick up into the next gear.

"What do you want with us, hmm? We don't typically make it a habit to waste our time on parasites like you." He says, his voice low with aggression, fed up with Granicus's antics.

"Oh, you're free to go, at any time. I've got plenty to keep me occupied here." He says and suddenly, it makes a bit of sense as to why he has chosen here, of all of time. Enough misery and sadness follows Alexander the Great to last a thousand lifetimes.

"Just thought you might enjoy a little chat. We're really all that's left of Gallifrey. You, me, your T.A.R.D.I.S… The Master."

"The Master is gone. Dead." The Doctor says, and Granicus gives him a chilling wink.

"Whatever you say, my Lord Doctor."

With that the Doctor nods his head to the door, and Azara and I follow him eagerly, Rahim shyly waving goodbye to Granicus.

Granicus returns the wave before shoving more dates into his wrinkled face, chuckling to himself.


	9. Against the Tide

We slink through the hallways of the Palace of Babylon, back towards the anarchy of the city, and I can't help but mourn the magnificent building. Sure, she's alive and well for now, the only shining example of what Babylon used to be. But, really, how much worth is it to be alone amongst rubble of what used to be? How much is there to be thankful for when everywhere you look, there's a reminder of the cataclysm that should have taken you down with it?

Don't even get me started on the people. The poor people…

The servants scramble around us, their dark eyes hopeless, some fear still alive in others, bringing food and wine to the Macedonians, men I had once admired for their ambition.

Looking at Azara and Rahim now, I can only feel disgust and hatred for them.

Hatred most of all.

_For what purpose has their lives been ruined? _

_Glory?_

_The Gods?_

_Or the true Gods of men, Gold and Silver?_

I make a noise of disgust in the back of my throat when I see a Macedonian solider purposefully trip one of the Persian servants, wine spilling all over the poor boy. The man laughs, some of his friends joining in, ordering him to get more.

I can't even stand it anymore.

My migraine, however small it may be, emboldens me, ensures me against whatever defense these pigs might have.

"Hey." I bark at them, leaving the Doctor and Azara to stride over towards them where they lounge in the Palace courtyard, "Bet you feel real strong and manly, picking on a 12 year old boy. Wow, we're all so impressed, very daring of you."

I hear the Doctor sighing behind me, but I ignore it, clapping my hands slowly, mockingly.

"I'm 14…" The wine-drenched kid on the ground mumbles, picking up the silver tray and the wine jug, his eyes on the ground.

"14! Even more remarkable!" I say, and the one who tripped the boy stands up, his chest puffed out and his hand on his sword. I simply glower at him, crossing my arms in front of me.

"Yes, so inspiring, the heroic, strapping soldier taking down a 14 year old, we all adore you, you big stupid ape! Now, Evy, love, I know you're angry, I know exactly what you're feeling, but we have a goal, that goal being to get out of here before we burn along with Babylon." I hear the Doctor say, and I feel his hand on my shoulder, "Quicker is better. We have a kid to think about."

_We have a kid to think about. Not ours, never ours… but a kid nevertheless…_

That almost cools my anger.

_Almost._

"Okay, you're right… Just one thing, one thing I'd like to know before we go. Isn't it enough that you took his freedom, his city, and everything he held dear in one day? Why do you have to take his dignity, too? Ever hear of a sore winner?"

The man just sneers, and spits on the boy at his feet.

That does it for me.

"You son of a whore." I hear Azara growl, and I briefly feel the Doctor reaching for my mind, probably guessing what I'm about to do. I feel his resigned exasperation before I shut him out.

I take a deep breath, and my brain seems to rebel against being used like this again. It's the feeling of stretching an unused muscle, or tendon. It's uncomfortable, very uncomfortable, but I don't care.

_I just don't care._

The combination of the grief caused by Granicus's vision, the disappointing truth of Alexander's personality, and these men acting so degradingly inhuman...

_I quite simply just don't care._

_And I have the power to right at least one wrong on this black day._

"I'm sick of injustice, I'm sick of seeing miserable excuses for men like you win. And I'm especially sick of your stupid, smug little smile." I say, focusing on that smirk of his, and he jerks back in surprise when a thin line of blood appears diagonally across his lips, all the way down to his chin.

His buddies start muttering about goddesses of revenge, spirits of wrath. That's when I see fear replace the malice in his eyes, and satisfaction only begins to course through me. I saunter towards him, raising a hand, my eyes upon that curved sword of his.

"Bet you don't know what it feels like, to be powerless against someone with no remorse, no conscience." I say, and he lets out a very high-pitched yelp when he sees his sword hovering in front of him, slicing the air surrounding his face. He ducks and cries out for the Gods to have mercy, flailing around in fear.

I accidentally slice into one of his arms with the sword, pretty deeply, by the looks of it.

_Well, I wasn't actually going to hurt you with it._

_But if you insist._

My vision seems to narrow, everything focusing upon this one monster, this one little cockroach of a human being, and I can feel every ounce of compassion for it leave me in one single moment. Like a lioness toying with her prey.

I could cause it pain if I so desired. Extreme pain. Let him know what it feels like to be helpless against the tide of something powerful, something immoveable, like the ocean.

_Like me._

"Evy. That's enough." I hear the Doctor's stern voice through my admittedly unfounded fury at this one man, and the sword pauses in the air before clattering to the floor in front of the terrified creature. He nearly trips over himself fleeing the room with his fratboy soldier friends. The servant boy stares at me with something akin to horror, and follows his cue, scrambling out of the room without so much as a backward glance at us.

"What are you?" I hear Azara's low voice, and when I look at her, I see a mixture of fear and that particularly maternal edge in her eyes, eyes that look so much like my own, her body angled to be between me and Rahim.

"What am I? What am I, I'm pissed, am I not allowed to be angry? Wouldn't you have done something if you could? It's your city, your people, I mean, you should be grateful that I want to help, that we…" I trail off when I see that my furious rant isn't helping my case. The Doctor just holds out a hand to me, pity in his eyes.

He must know exactly what I'm going through. The disillusionment combined with the injustice of this event in history.

_No wonder he didn't want to come here. He knew._

_I should have listened._

I let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose against the slight migraine still throbbing in my head.

_At least I have some ammunition left to get us out of this shit-storm._

"I'll explain once we're safe, let's just… go home." I say without thinking, and Azara's frown deepens, perhaps because she knows she really has no other choice, or perhaps because…

_This was her home._

_Keyword: Was._

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily since I'm still itching to have a go at these soldiers, no one really troubles us besides the occasional vulgar jeer or swaggering shove. They're all too drunk to do much else, the sorry pigs.

I can barely contain my rage, and somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm glad that my migraine is small and difficult to tap into.

Otherwise every single Macedonian in my sight might be in golden, atom-dissolving flames. I can't bring myself to look at the corpses littering the streets, every single one of them either elderly, female, or much too young. Smoke fills our lungs ten times over before we pass through the gates of Babylon.

The sun has very nearly set, darkness falling slowly upon the ruined city, the cries of its people nearly mute. Silence is falling over the hills past Alexander's camp.

Azara is softly crying behind me, probably unable to continue being strong for Rahim.

"It's okay Mommy, don't cry." I hear his little voice, and my heart shatters into a thousand pieces, and I can't help the few tears that slip from my own eyes.

_You can only bear so much…_

_And Rahim, sweet little Rahim… I wonder what happened to his father? Azara's…_

My throat tightens at the thought, knowing whatever the story is, Azara never asked us to go back for anyone, meaning there was no one to go back for. No one alive, at least. Rahim will more than likely grow up without ever truly knowing his father.

_All because of Alexander, needing to prove his prowess, his glory, his Godly lineage. _

_Revolting, that such a dazzling mind be put to such a nauseating purpose. What good might he have done if he hadn't used his talents for this?_

I feel sick that I practically idolized him for years in my youth. He doesn't deserve to be memorialized, as I know he will be for thousands of years to come. he deserves the worst punishment, certainly in his mind, at least.

To be forgotten.

The Doctor's hand around mine is quite literally the only comforting thing to calm my senses, and I'm glad for him being there, for understanding, for being who he is.

He doesn't hover over me when I'm upset, or glom me with affection to cheer me up. He is simply there, waiting for when I will undoubtedly need to bare myself to him, my grief for these people, my fury at the unfairness of it all. I have never been one to process emotion quickly, it being the source of most of my awkwardness.

He knows, and he waits for me, always.

But it's not time yet, not even as we reach the T.A.R.D.I.S, nearly safe from this horrific day, for we have more pressing matters to attend to, in the form of two humans, now homeless and alone in the world.

Two humans who may very well be part of my own lineage, for all we know. That makes them even more precious.

Azara must have learned better than to question us by now, because as the Doctor unlocks the door, she is silent.

I watch her tear-streaked face carefully, wondering what might happen to me if she were to die at this very moment.

Or, perhaps even more importantly, Rahim.

_Best be careful, at any rate…_

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hello my loves, i'm super sorry for the wait! A whole week, wow, you probably thought I died. Lol I've been so busy with work, and then my friend's dad was in the hospital for a while, so I was staying with her, keeping her company and such. **

**Wow. Anyway, he's fine, I'm fine, we're all fine, no worries my lovelies, I'm back, and I'm still writing, I just had a rough week!**

**Tell me your predictions! What do you think is going to happen? What would you like to happen? How am I doing so far? Hate it, love it, want to burn it? Lemme know, and I love all of you, and I think you all are worth the world's weight in love and happiness.**

**-A.**


	10. Breaking Point

Azara does not like the T.A.R.D.I.S.

She refuses to even acknowledge it, her hazel eyes glued to Rahim, who has quite the opposite opinion. He points to the console, trying to get Azara to look at it, see how wonderful and colorful it all is.

"Mommy, it's pretty, see?" He says, tugging lightly on her hair, but she frowns and removes his little hand gently.

"Welcome to the T.A.R.D.I.S, you can stick around as long as you like, if you head through that doorway, just there, you-" The Doctor begins to say excitedly, before turning from the console to see Azara's quietly terrified demeanor, "Maybe I'll just get on with it, yeah?"

She just looks as him, shifting Rahim in her arms. It's then that I notice I'm being watched, intently. Rahim seems to be pondering my appearance, looking at his mother, then at me.

"Are you my sister?" Rahim says to me, puzzlement in his little brown eyes. I smile, shaking my head.

"No, I'm just…"

_Well, probably your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great….. really great granddaughter._

"A distant cousin of yours." I finish lamely, and Azara's eyes narrow at that.

"Who are you really? I'm starting to think that I've hopped out of the literal cooking pot and into the fire. This… It's mad! Just look at this nonsense, I understand none of it! You are both spirits, or gods, or something. It is all impossible." She says almost angrily, and Rahim starts to squirm until she allows him to stand upon his own two feet.

He stands behind his mother's legs, peeking from behind the skirt of her dress to peer at me. I grin at him, and when he smiles back, my heart melts painfully.

"No, nothing like that. We're just people, who do a lot of travelling. The T.A.R.D.I.S is my ship, and we sail it together. Going on adventures, helping people, nearly dying, all of the above." The Doctor says as he punches a few buttons, then looks thoughtfully up at the ceiling, as if he can't decide something, "It's all good fun."

Azara seems to be getting a bit tired of our vague explanations.

Looking at the not-so-slight grimace on her familiar features, I think maybe tired isn't the right word…

_Tired... Seriously sick of our crap... Same difference, really._

"It's a long story, Azara… But I can tell you that you should trust us. We just want to help you, honestly." I say, and the genuine concern in my voice must ring true to her, because she relaxes a little from her stiff, standoffish posture.

"This is just a blue crate, and we… It doesn't make sense, even if it were a ship, a ship does not sail without water. You are still making no sense!" She says, and Rahim giggles and hides behind the dress when I look at him again.

_Oh my gosh, he's killing me._

_How can he be so oblivious to everything? So innocent and adorable…_

"I know you're confused, Azara, but telling you anything isn't really going to help, due to your time period and your civilization's technological advances, or lack thereof. I mean, I don't expect you to understand any of this, you're living on the baby Blue planet, the infant Earth! None of you can even begin to comprehend much of anything yet-" The Doctor says, stopping when I jab my elbow into his side.

"Rude…" I murmur, and he clears his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"But we can show you. This ship doesn't need water, because it sails through the air, and through time itself." He finishes, raising an eyebrow, just daring her to call him a liar.

"Through time." She repeats, crossing her arms across her chest testily.

_Any second now, she's going to leave, deciding a burning city would be better to deal with than us…_

"Yep, through time. I can show you if you don't believe us. I can show you anything in time you'd like to see. Pick anything, except a personal timeline event, we can't cross paths with you or ourselves at any time in the past… Rules are rules, you know." The Doctor says, giving Rahim a little wave when the boy turns his game of hide and seek to him, and Rahim laughs with joy.

"Show me Babylon, before Alexander. Before any of this…"

"Alright, how about fifty years before this, 381 B.C., that should do just fine." He says, and begins to work the console, prompting me to maneuver my panels as well.

"What are they doing, mommy?" I hear Rahim ask. She doesn't answer him.

_How could she?_

_'Oh, son, they're demons, so they're obviously calling the spirits of the underworld to help move us through time! You have much to learn!'_

_I can't even imagine the confusion._

Once we've landed, the Doctor rushes to the doors and when he opens them, sunshine pours in, the arid warmth breezing in on the wind. He waves Azara over, and she hesitantly approaches the doorway, Rahim clutching her dress tightly.

"By the Gods…" She mutters, stepping outside, and the Doctor and I follow, trying our best not to look smug.

The city sits, nestled in the valley just as it had been, except it is once again shining, all polished marble and pristine white domes of alabaster stone. No fire, no screaming, no white tents spread around it like an army of invading ants.

"Okay. I, uh… I believe you." Azara says, giving the Doctor a wide, incredulous grin, "Fifty years, you say? I wonder if my mother and father are down there…"

"We can't risk mussing anything up, Azara. You can't stay around Babylon, in any near future, or past… I'll have to relocate you, somewhere else in your own time…" He says, and her grin disappears immediately.

"Of course. I didn't want to go back anyway. Nothing but sadness and death there for us." She says, her hand absentmindedly ruffling Rahim's dark curly hair.

"I've been trying to decide between Greece and Egypt, we'll keep you close to the Mediterranean, where the culture will seem familiar to you, at least in some ways… Any preference?" He says, and she takes a deep breath, running a hand through her own hair now, distressed.

"My ancestors, they once hailed from Greece, many, many years ago. Perhaps there would be better?" She says, looking to me, an almost childish need for affirmation in her eyes.

_Well, my Dad's side is from Greece, so I guess that sounds about right._

I nod, giving her an encouraging smile, and so does the Doctor, grinning widely.

"Oh, Azara, you'll love it. Sunny, beaches all around. How about an island? I hear Samos is lovely year round." The Doctor says, and corrals us back into the T.A.R.D.I.S, shutting the doors against the heat, "New life, new island, how's that sound? Think of the possibilities, Azara!"

She smiles at him weakly, watching as Rahim follows the Doctor shyly. The Doctor stops and holds out a hand to him once he notices he has a shadow, and the two make their way to the console.

"How do I explain to Rahim, about any of this? Even I don't understand, and he has just lost so much. He doesn't feel it now, but he will…" Azara says, quietly, for my ears only.

Woman to woman.

I bite my lip, wishing I could just take some of the pain I feel emanating from her, take it onto myself. Shoulder at least some of this enormous burden.

"He'll understand that you did what was best for him, and that you love him enough to carry on through all of this. I mean, look at you, Azara," I say, gesturing to her with an incredulous smirk, "You're going strong, even though you've lost just as much. You're impossibly resilient."

She is quiet for a moment, before looking to her sandaled feet, rubbing her bare arms as if feeling cold, bereft…

"If Cas were still here, he would know what to say… He has always been better with words." She says sadly, swiping at a few tears that escape her eyes, "I guess I am not as strong as I look."

She allows me to hug her, but she does not hug me back, does not show any indication that she needed it, so I am startled to find that I have instinctively done something strange.

I have tried to reach out, to connect my mind with hers, show her that she is strong, that she can be strong. I want her to know that I am devastated for the loss of her Cas, who I assume to be Rahim's father. I need her to know that I want to take her sorrow away.

It's so much easier to do telepathically than say verbally.

_I must be getting a bit more used to this than I had thought…_

It happened without my conscious effort, as easily as moving the limbs that hold Azara. She doesn't seem to know, completely unaware of my efforts to comfort her, but I can feel her mind, very faintly, and it is not like the Doctor's. It is… alien. Unresponsive and foreign.

_A human mind is strange to me._

_Sometimes I forget that I'm a mutated freak._

When I pull away, she manages to give me a grateful smile.

Behind me, I hear Rahim's screech of delight as the Doctor throws us into the vortex.

* * *

><p>We end up situating our one-time passengers on Samos, a little island in the Greek Isles, peaceful and quiet. Nothing really seems to happen here, and the people are overly friendly. A very large family offers to take in Azara and Rahim, to take care of both of them until Azara can get on her own two feet. The Doctor gives her something very special to get her started, though.<p>

A solid gold snake bracelet, made to twist up the arm from the wrist, delicately and boldly. He had rummaged around in the wardrobe for a bit, looking for it, saying that one man's trash is another woman's thousand drachmas.

_Must be valuable then, if it's worth a thousand drachmas. Very valuable. Wonder how the old Time Lord came across it…_

Once Azara is settled into the home of her new foster family, complete with a shiny gold bracelet, we bid them farewell.

Rahim gives me a shy kiss on the cheek, grinning from ear to ear.

The Doctor gets a bone-crushing hug from the toddler, and I swear he grins even wider than the kid. The Doctor pretends to be suffocated by Rahim's strength, which only causes the boy to squeal with laughter.

The sight causes a dull ache in my hearts, yearning for something indescribable, something than can't be contained by mere words. I'm not sure I even understand it myself…

Azara is not sad to see us go, although she is grateful for our help. She still fears her inability to understand how we exist, who we are, and what we have done.

I can't say I blame her.

If I were normal, I'd fear us too.

* * *

><p>I have been writing in my diary for nearly an hour and a half now. It's really the only time I spend in my room nowadays, just to be alone and write out how my brain has processed the day. The T.A.R.D.I.S sings to me while I write, melodies that she knows will be pleasant to me, tunes that remind me of adventure, or songs that taste like love.<p>

She's about my closest friend, besides the Doctor. And I can't really call the Doctor my 'friend' anymore, it's a little more complicated than that.

So I guess she's my only friend.

I sigh, sitting back from my desk, skimming over what I've written. A few sentences pop out as particularly important to me.

_I will try to keep it to myself, how much it bothers me that I can never be a mother..._

_The Doctor never told me he would never leave me behind, just that he didn't think he could. I can't say that doesn't still irk me..._

_I'm still here, so I guess that means Azara and Rahim got on alright. I mean, wouldn't I be changed somehow if their timelines were altered? Or would we even know if I changed? Oh, all this time and space crap gets confusing sometimes. I'm glad I'm not a Time Lady, or I'd have it all stuck in my head, every second of every day..._

When I look up, the doorway is open and the T.A.R.D.I.S has ceased her songs. A silent encouragement to stop talking to myself, in written form, and talk to the Doctor instead.

I close my journal, stashing it in my desk drawer under some notebooks, and get up to make my way into the Doctor's room.

He's laying in bed, propped up with a few orange pillows, reading from a textbook about some area of medicine I've never heard of, Esotericology. It always makes me smile to see him read the things he chooses to read.

It's just so completely... him.

He tears his eyes away from his reading to gaze at me through his glasses, raising a brow.

"Feeling better?" He asks, and I shrug, remembering how I'd cried, and asked for alone time after Babylon.

He is so patient with me.

"Yeah, a lot better." I say, not sure if I'm lying, and reach out to him, feeling the cool surprise in his mind when I wrap myself around him. It feels like a child trying to wrap its arms around a Blue Whale, his mind ever larger than mine will ever be. But it's comfortable, and comforting, and I find that if I relax, I actually enjoy it.

If I don't worry about the inevitable mixing of thoughts and emotions, or the completely vulnerable feeling of someone knowing your every immediate sentiment, it's actually nice.

I feel his surprise hurry to turn to encouragement, with an undertone of excitement.

Anticipation.

_I need you_, I say to him, feeling raw and a bit broken, as I sometimes do after writing.

He takes off his glasses, practically throwing his book to the floor, and it lands with pages bent and the spine facing up.

_I'm here_, his mind practically sings, and I feel tears coming again, but not of sadness, really. Just exhaustion, emotional exhaustion.

He understands. He shows me times when he has felt like that, and they are numerous indeed...

I crawl onto the bed and plant a kiss on his lips, not shying away from him even when he runs his hands down my back and expands his connection in my mind. I can see a few memories now, of me.

_Me running to save Azara, ducking under rubble like a madwoman._

_My breath in his lungs when he had kissed me that first time, so many years ago._

_The gentle curve of my waist when his fingers had first claimed it._

_The feel of my arms around him, sapping the self-loathing away whenever it ate at him._

He is practically drowning me in love, and it just makes the tears fall freely. I open myself to him completely then, giving in to intertwining my very being with his. He smiles against my lips, and I feel relief course through him. I comprehend the nonverbal sentiment that he conveys.

He may not be alone, in some points throughout his life, he has had companions and friends. He has loved them very much, and no one would ever replace the holes they had left in him, once they inevitably had to leave. Yet, it must feel like having to speak to people who don't speak your first language. Yes, you can communicate, and form bonds, and love them just the same. But there are things he couldn't share with them... He has gone so long being lonely, that this connection, however dim it may be compared to what he might have once known, makes him feel complete.

_Makes me feel complete._

I sigh his name, and his thoughts turn carnal, which I am strangely completely fine with...


	11. Time Lord Victorious

"Come along, then. Let's see what we can do." The Doctor says, and I vaguely realize that something is wrong, something is orange and wrong. He is holding a gun, a laser cannon from that one planet we went to, Haldor or Hatlor, or something like that.

_Not important. What is important is that he has a gun. A weapon._

He's pointing it at some kind of control console.

"Um, Doctor. Love…" I say, clearing my throat, not sure what to say through my surprise, "What are you doing?"

He shoots, bright light erupting from the cannon, and flames burst up from the console. The ship below our feet lurches and groans, an alarm sounding. Someone comes through a doorway, the features of his face escaping me through the flames. The Doctor take once glance in his direction and shoots him point blank. Whoever it is falls to the metal floor, smoking and dead.

I squeal in shock, clamping a hand over my mouth, hoping it might keep the revulsion in, keep me from screaming for help.

_For help against him. My Doctor._

"Doctor, what the hell?!"

"I thought I was just a survivor. But I'm not." The Doctor says, and his face instills in me something I've never felt before for him.

_Fear._

"I'm a winner. That's who I am. A Time Lord Victorious."

With that, his madly furious face twists into a grin, a sadistic grimace of a smile that sends my hearts into a terrified headlong gallop. He starts towards me with a determined, prowling strut, his eyes full of death. The cannon is pointed at me now.

"Doctor, what are you doing? What's happened to you?" I say, my voice rising in pitch. I flinch as flames rise around him, an explosion causing my ears to ring.

"He was right you know, I always lose my toys. But that's okay, because I know who I am now. The Time Lord Victorious. Humans can't last around me, how could they? Not even Time Lords could." He growls, reaching for me through the flames, and all I see is the orange of his odd spacesuit before I let out a scream of horror.

* * *

><p>"Evy!"<p>

I open my eyes, sucking in a strangled breath before focusing on the face in front of me.

It's his, the Time Lord Victorious, bent on murder and destruction, retribution his only solace.

I flinch, jerking away from the hand on my face, trying to scoot away, and I briefly register shocked concern in his eyes before I realize what is going on.

_I've just had a nightmare. That's all. It couldn't have been true, I should have known that. The Doctor would never._

"Oh, shit." I breathe, and he tries again to comfort me, his hand brushing hair away from my face. I don't jerk away from him this time. I lean into his touch, desperate to calm down.

"Bad dream?" He murmurs, and I nod, drawing in a shaky breath.

"Yeah… Really bad. Wow."

"What was it about?"

In the dimmed, pulsing orange and white light, I can see that he knows the answer to that already. My reaction to him must have tipped him off. He isn't trying to connect telepathically either, probably giving me space.

"You…" I say, snuggling into his bare chest, and his arm rests comfortably around my shoulders, "Do you think Granicus… What he showed us, do you really think they're going to come true?"

He swallows and I hear his hearts thud a bit quicker under my cheek.

"The drone, it's partially made of the vortex, so it knows which timelines are most probable, very accurately, more accurately than I do. It's also heartless and fascinated with pain, so I hesitate to take anything it shows me seriously…"

"So you do think they will come true…"

"I hope not. I really, truly hope not."

I frown, shifting to look up at him, and he won't meet my eyes.

"Why, what did he show you?"

"He showed me my worst fear."

He doesn't elaborate, so I take the same route as him.

"He showed me my worst fear, too. I didn't even know it was my worst fear until he did…" I say.

_My worst fear, even worse than losing the Doctor._

_Which, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, he hinted at that happening as well._

But worse than that, even...

Him losing sight of himself, spiraling into the darkness of what the Time War did to him. The Doctor turning away from what he values most in favor of giving in to bitterness, to despair.

"We'll be alright. We're always alright, you and me." He mutters, his hand moving down to my waist to press me closer to him, reassuring himself of his own words.

"Yeah." I say, forcing my eyes closed.

A dreadful feeling keeps me up for another hour before I finally drift back to sleep.

* * *

><p>"I do love a random trip! Where do you think she's taken us?" I say, leaving my post on the console to go look over the Doctor's shoulder, at the monitor. I see a tiny little planet displayed on the screen, with numbers and stats around it that I don't even begin to understand, as always. The Doctor shrugs after a quick glance at it and takes my hand.<p>

"You always want to spoil it!" He says, and we head to the doors. Opening them, the first thing I get from this planet is a waft of very stinky air. It smells like a strange combination of natural gas and pancakes. A sweet and sickly gaseous cloud.

I plug my nose with my free hand, groaning.

"Mmm, smells like when you try to cook breakfast." The Doctor says, grinning cheekily, and I take my hand off my nose to smack him playfully.

"Shut it." I laugh, shaking my head, "Why do you think it smells like that? Has something horrible already happened here, are we too late?"

"Actually, I think it's just the composition of the atmosphere. Obviously they've got a hefty amount of oxygen, or we'd be in trouble… But it's quite different from Earth, that's for sure."

He licks his finger, holding it up to the air before placing it back in his mouth, sucking on it thoughtfully.

"Gaseous sulfur… Bit of methane… Ooh, and aerosolized liquid beryllium? That's the sweet part of it." Then he pauses, cocking his head a bit, "Bet you can't smell the galzoniumite."

"That's not even an element." I say, chuckling, "You're pulling my leg, again, aren't you?"

"Not on Earth it's not, but here… Galzoniumite, a main element that makes up a large part of bodies of liquid and soil on planets in the Galzon-56 galaxy. That's where she's taken us…" He says, "Hopefully she's taken us to the right time."

"What do you mean, the right time…"

_That doesn't sound promising._

"Well… The Galzon-56 galaxy was a bit… wild before their three billionth year or so." His dubious expression causes me to bite my lip, knowing that 'wild' means 'extremely dangerous', "No matter, let's get on, shall we?"

I look out into the cloud of smoky atmosphere before us. I can't really see much, except for a black, rocky ground, and more rocks jutting through the smoke. Silence prevails through the haze.

Not a single sound.

"We shall?" I say, uncertainty causing it to be a question. I take his arm, feeling a little afraid of the unknown for the first time in a while…

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hello lovelies, hope your days/nights are going fantastically!**

**Just a note to let you know that I've started a drabble series, Beyond the Glowing Stars, and it'll just be little scenes having to do with the stories of TGS and ATGS, things that weren't important to the story, but that I really wanted to write :] **

**Some will be sad. Some will be happy. Some will be freakin' adorable. All will be fun to write, and hopefully to read?**

**So, let me know how I'm doing, here and there. A review helps me write a lot faster, I don't know why, but it's like a kick in the creativity, so to speak!  
><strong>

**Thank you soooooo much to everyone who has reviewed, ever, on TGS or ATGS or BTGS, anything. I love you all to Solgard and back, and you make my day with every word you type to me :D :D**

**You're all beautiful and delightful people who have hearts of gold, always remember that.**

**Love,**

**A.**


	12. The Silent Planet

Walking into the cloud before us, it's not what I expected it to feel like.

I thought it may feel cool on my skin, like mountain mist.

This just feels like someone's nasty hot breath mucking up the air around us. Not to mention, we can't see an inch in front of our faces. Several times, I mutter foul words under my breath for accidentally stubbing my toes on rocks. The Doctor leads me through the haze slowly, putting his glasses on and squinting around us as if that might improve his line of sight.

Every once in a while, the mist will clear for a split second, only to reveal more pockets of cloudy air.

_Oh, and the boulders. Don't forget the ever-interesting boulders._

This planet started losing its creepy edge about twelve boulders ago.

"Okay, so at what point do we decide that the completely silent planet with nothing to see is not worth a stop?" I say after stubbing my toe for at least the tenth time.

"Oh, Evy, c'mon! Every planet is worth a stop, you just have to look past the-"

"Mist. Look past the mist." I say, rolling my eyes, "The mist that we can't see past."

"Ten more minutes."

"Deal."

Moments later, something stops me in my tracks.

The very first sound I've heard, a sound not made by us.

A sort of… hissing. Quick, barely lasting a second, but it was there, I heard it.

"What was that?" I whisper, my eyes scanning the foggy air in front of us, "Did you hear it, what was it?"

"Sounded like a geyser, a steam vent…" The Doctor says, and I let out a breath, the tension leaving my body with it, "Nothing to worry about!"

_That's embarrassing Evy. Getting scared by a bit of hot air._

"Okay _Time_ Lord, your _time_ is almost up. Want to head back now?" I say, looking over my shoulder at the mist behind us, which… I'm just now realizing looks so very similar to the mist in front of us…

The Doctor makes a face, but gives a resigned nod.

"Yeah, alright, have it your way. Spoiled little thing, aren't you?" He says, stopping our determined march into the abyss, and I smirk.

"Well if I am, whose fault is that?"

"Ah… yes, that'd be mine." He says, and when I laugh, a smile breaks the flat line on his lips, and he pulls me in towards him. I take the opportunity to kiss his cheek with my smile, but I freeze abruptly, my lips unmoving upon his stubbled skin.

_That hiss again, only closer, and much more drawn out…_

_A rock being kicked…._

_The scuffle of feet upon stone…. So many feet._

"Doctor…" I whisper, and I realize that he has frozen as well, his hands on my back absolutely still, "Steam vents don't walk."

"Evy, I need you stay calm. You're not going to like this." He whispers back, and I pull back just enough to see his eyes.

They're fixed upon something behind me… Something tall.

A loud hiss blows my hair around my face, the air becoming even foggier, turning warm and humid like the mist. My hearts skip a few beats, and my breath comes short, fear constricting my chest into a tiny, terrified knot.

My mind fills with images of things I might not like. The list is endless, really.

_Long poisonous fangs, eight-legged hairy monsters, gigantic snakes, two story tall vampire bats, human-sized grasshoppers…_

_What, grasshoppers are creepy, have you never seen their faces?_

"What is it?" I say, my voice barely a whisper, and his hands slowly leave my back, grabbing my hand firmly.

He finally tears his eyes away from whatever he's watching to give me an apologetic grimace. The look in his eyes is clear.

_Get ready to run._

I nod, and with that he whips around and I spring forward, into the mist, his hand the only thing to guide me through my blindness.

_I knew I had a bad feeling about this planet, I knew it!_

A long hiss follows behind us, the rocks shuffling and being thrown around. I can't help the little shriek of fear that leaves me when another hiss sounds so very closely, blowing my hair forward again.

"Evy, DUCK!" The Doctor shouts, and I do. Both of us drop, sliding on loose rocks before coming to a stop. Whatever it is has leapt over us, and as soon as it hits the ground, it's burrowing.

Burrowing through solid rock, like it's soft peat, like it's nothing.

I look up, to see something I'd only imagined in my nightmares. A smooth, slightly curved surface, two feet wide, and sectioned off to allow movement within its exoskeleton.

What seems like millions of twitchy legs.

It's a…

A centipede.

_A centipede._

One of its thousands of legs, each a foot and a half long, brushes my face, and shivers of revulsion send my spine into shockwaves.

_For the sake of everything good and holy, why, oh why did it have to be a gigantic bug? What is it with gigantic bugs? Why can't it be gigantic mammals, I would take gigantic mammals, reptiles, birds, freakin' anything but bugs!_

It burrows until its entire body, which must be at least thirty to forty feet long, has disappeared into the stone. The last section of its body is bristled with what seems to be hair, and it sweeps into a circle, bringing rocks into the hole. Before we can so much as breathe, the hole is covered up, sealed, and nothing is left of the creature but a distant rumbling, coming from under the stone beneath our feet.

Just like that it's silent again.

I can feel the hysterics rising in my chest.

"Doctor, what the flippity, flying f-"

His hand covers my mouth, a finger rising to his lips.

"This planet is silent for a reason." He whispers, and gets up, bringing me with him. I take deep breaths to calm myself, nodding and trying to convince my brain that it isn't on a planet infested with centipede aliens.

_Nope, no centipede aliens here. Nothing of the sort. _

I have to bite my lip to stop the hysterical laughter from bubbling out.

_Adrenaline sure does funny things to people._

The Doctor glances around us, first starting in one direction, then stopping and turning to the left. He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair.

_He doesn't know which way the T.A.R.D.I.S is…_

_Come to think of it, neither do I._

_We're lost. Completely lost._

I tap the Doctor's shoulder, giving him a questioning look. He just shrugs, and starts walking in a random direction, taking me with him.

_You know what, we're going to be fine! We're always fine, I mean look at us, we're still here after how many close scrapes? _

_Like, so many! This is nothing compared to some of the things we've done._

A low hiss sounds from in front of us, and the Doctor shakes his head rapidly, practically shoving me in the opposite direction.

_Yeah, we're going to be fine…_

_Totally fine..._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Sorry my loves...**

**Long time since I updated, I know, no excuses really... Writer's block combined with boy problems combined with work combined with preparing to go back to college... Ugh. How can so much confusion and emotion fit into one person?!**

**Anyways, enough complaining, right? Hope you liked it, let me know, I'll have more sooner than later, promise.**

**Love you all for sticking with me!**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**


	13. Invasive Species Indeed

It has to have been hours since we left the T.A.R.D.I.S.

I brush back hair that has stuck to my forehead, renewing my clammy grip on the Doctor's hand. Both of us are drenched in sweat, from the humidity, the running, and the stress of our situation. We have just been wandering through the fog, fleeing from these centipede creatures for hours.

I've gotten a few good looks at them by now, and… It's not pretty.

_They're centipedes, yeah, but not really._

i shudder a bit as I conjure the complete image in my mind...

They have these huge black eyes, lined with the same hair on their tail-section, probably to keep the dust and rock from injuring them. Their mouths are the worst part, really. Just gaping round circles of strange, rounded teeth that seem to be made of some material I've never seen. It's definitely not bone, or chitin, which I remember is what exoskeletons are often made of.

No, this stuff is strange. The creatures can move them, every single row, in a circle, as if to grind, which would make sense since they burrow into straight-up rock.

Another thing, just one little disturbing thing.

The fog, it isn't part of the atmosphere.

It's made by these centipede things. Lining the entire rim of their enormous mouths, they have these little slits that open and release a sort of gas, the same stuff that we've been breathing for the past few hours. So that's not gross at all, that we're breathing their face-gas.

_What if that's their version of farting? How disgusting…_

I make a face at the thought, and the Doctor notices, but makes no comment. Since making comments has gotten us noticed by these things a few times over…

He wipes his brow, adjusting his glasses.

"Just admit we're lost." I mouth to him, and he shakes his head, pointing in front of us confidently.

For once, something different from the boulders and mist appears in our circle of visibility. Well, sort of…

It's a boulder, sure, but it's a carved-out boulder. With a little doorway!

_Shelter!_

We pause outside of the short doorway, and the Doctor peers in before giving the go-ahead. When I step in, I instantly relax my tense shoulders, feeling safer despite the darkness of it. There isn't any fog in here, so that's nice, and it's also quite large. It might even be two boulders, carved out and merged.

I nearly jump out of my skin when the Doctor accidentally kicks something on the ground, making a loud tinkering noise. He bends to lift it off of the floor, and although he clearly knows what it is, I've never seen it before. It's an orb of translucent material, and when he shakes it, light blinks to life inside of it. He tosses it into the air, and it hangs there, illuminating the room for us.

There's a crude, round table in the center of the boulder with five chairs, made of… wood?

I knock on it to make sure.

_Yeah, it's made of wood. Odd. I haven't seen a single tree around here._

The Doctor makes his way over to what seems to be a bed. More of a mat of cushiony material, with a blanket strewn over it. He starts to examine it, as if looking for clues, so I do the same.

A bookshelf sits awkwardly propped up against the curved wall of the boulder, with only one book sitting in it. I pick it up, and leaf through it gently, as it seems to be pretty old. I sneeze when dust puffs out from the pages.

The Doctor and I both freeze to look at each other, anxiously listening for that familiar hissing we've come to be attuned to.

Nothing, though, so I go back to my detective work.

It's completely full of writing, and the words scramble into English rather quickly.

_Hopefully that means the T.A.R.D.I.S is nearby…_

There are dates scribbled on the top of every other page or so, which leads me to believe it's a journal, or a diary or some sort.

The dates say things like the 893rd Cycle of Jojurn, or the 14th Light of Yot, so needless to say, they don't tell me much about when this was written.

The entries are pretty tame, as well. Reading into a few, it just seems like normal every day life for whoever wrote it. Nothing stands out to me as odd, nothing at all. No mention of centipede aliens, or anything…

_I mean, who knows, maybe this is normal for this planet, and this just happens to be an abandoned home, or something?_

I wave my arms to get the Doctor's attention, and he abandons his own findings to come over and check the book out. I leave him to read it, knowing he'll probably be able to glean some information from it that I glanced over.

_I mean, let's be honest, I understood about 30% of what was written in that thing anyway, English or not… He's cleverer than I'll ever be, and you know what, I am A-ok with that…_

It's then that my attention is grabbed by something laying by the little bed, crumpled and half-hidden by the blanket. I crouch to lift the blanket off of it, to see that I've found some kind of doll.

It's made of wood, and had been colored by a dye at some point. It's faded now, to a sad mustard color, from what must have once been bright yellow. I pick it up, cradling the humanoid doll in my hand, no bigger than my palm. It must have been for someone very small…

The creature's facial features had long been worn away, but I make out a pretty looking mouth, very human. It must have been female, judging from that and the little string of beads around her neck. A necklace.

It also seems like it once had long hair as well, as a few long, dark bristles stick out of the top of its head.

My hearts feel heavy, thinking of whatever young one might have once owned this… Even if nothing has gone wrong on this planet, that little one still isn't here to hold this poor, forgotten old thing. They've either grown up, and discarded their once beloved friend, or…

I catch the Doctor waving out of the corner of my eye, so I put the doll in my jean pocket and make my way over to him. His eyes are wide with the excitement of discovery, and he has the book open to a certain page. He thrusts it into my hands, and uses his finger to jab at a particular few sentences.

It's the last entry.

_…all very fun, but after the kids played Rucksit, they were all out of breath. It concerned me so much that I took them to Eidelon, but he told me that it was nothing to worry about, that they must have just played too hard. _

_I don't believe him, though. I'm out of breath, as I'm writing this. Perhaps it is allergies? It does run in our family genus, although it isn't the correct Cycle for allergies yet._

_Tomorrow, I think I will talk to Eidelon again._

The entries end there, even though there are at least a few dozen pages left to write in.

The Doctor makes wild gestures, willing me to understand whatever he has just found out.

"Familial asthma?" I whisper, and he smirks, shaking his head.

"The creatures, they must not be native to this planet, an invasive species, so to speak. The gas they produce, so many of them on this planet… It must have changed the composition of the atmosphere rapidly, killing all life adapted to living in it."

He pauses, listening for any of the centipedes outside.

"It must have been within the last hundred years, otherwise they'd be dead as well, cannibalism wouldn't be able to cut it."

"Cannibalism?" I whisper, crinkling my nose in disgust.

"Yeah, why do you think whenever we came across multiple ones, they went for each other instead of us?"

"I thought they were fighting over who got to eat us…"

"Not quite. But don't you see, that's why it's all just stone! No people, no plants, nothing! That galzoniumite I smelled, it's from those things, not the planet itself. Those things are from the Galzon-56 galaxy… They're not even the worst things over there, oh no…Told you it was wild!" He says a bit loudly, getting excited with his powers of deduction.

A rumbling sounds from beneath us, and I let out a breath, smacking his arm a little.

"And I told you we should have left! C'mon!" I say grabbing him and heading for the door. I keep the book within my grasp, though, because I actually have a plan now.

_Look at me. I have a plan! Who's clever now?!_

We careen through the fog like stumbling infants, the rumbling getting louder with every footfall of ours. I open to a random page of the book, trying to focus on a single jarring word. It translates in about three seconds.

_Three seconds is our baseline. Got it. Okay._

The Doctor launches an arm out in front of me when a hole opens up practically right under my foot. I wheel backward, tripping over my own sneakers as the ground falls out from beneath me. Hissing sounds from the hole and I can hear the centipede's grinding mouth chewing up the last few stones before it gets to my feet.

_My probably tasty, tender-in-comparison-to-stone, nibble-worthy feet._

I do the only thing I can do, besides keeping that book within my death grip.

I panic.

"Doctor!" I shriek, scrabbling at the loose stones around me. He gains his own balance on the stone ground finally, launching his lanky arms towards me and grabbing hold of my shoulders.

"Sorry, mate, this one's not on the menu!" He growls as he pulls me toward him onto solid ground, and immediately I get to my feet, clutching the book to my heaving chest.

I flinch, ducking my head as rocks are thrown from the hole, and up springs yet another monstrous centipede.

"Just run! Follow me!" I shout, and take off, trusting the Doctor to trust me.

And trust me he does, following blindly through the mist as I check the book every so often.

_Still three seconds to translate. Damn._

A centipede slithers through the mist towards us, the noise of our breath and pounding feet probably quite enough to tip them all off at this point. I turn direction, slightly to the left, away from the hissing creature.

_Two seconds. Two seconds! Good, this is very good!_

Another centipede comes at us through the mist, and I'm too late to jump out of the way. All I can do is fall to the ground, hope it misses me. Yet, just as I expect it to grind me up in its twisting mouth, it glides over me, and pretty much every single one of its thousands of feet punches me right in the gut. It steps on me for what seems like hours, all over my body. From my skull to the tiny bones in my feet, I can feel only pain, the heavy creature taking no notice to the damage it's doing. I curl into a ball, the book remaining safe at the core of my protective fetal position.

_WHY SO MANY FEET._

Then, I register the familiar touch of the Doctor, and realize that he has decided it would be a good idea to leap into the fray, protect me with his own body. I don't have the mental capacity to feel emotion over that, I just remain curled in my little ball, wishing it would end already.

"Evy," I hear the Doctor's sharp whisper in my ear, obviously pained, and I realize that it's been over for at least several seconds now. I open my eyes to see the centipede that had stepped on me having a go at another centipede, "Evy, can you walk?"

I hold back a gag when it manages to wrap itself around the smaller centipede, its mouth enveloping its brethren and chewing it like a pencil sharpener does a pencil.

It sounds like a crunching bag of chips.

"I'm fine, now's our chance, let's go." I mutter, wiping my brow as I struggle to stand up. I register a stinging sensation where my hand had been on my forehead, but I ignore it and do my best to continue our run through the fog. I keep glancing down at the book, turning to a new page each time I check it.

_Three seconds?! No! No no no no!_

It's getting harder to ignore the sharp pain in my side at this point. My heavy breathing isn't helping either.

_Okay… now two seconds again…_

I finally acknowledge the difficulty to put weight on my right foot, but I know that we have to keep going. Always keep going.

_One second! It has to be close! Please, old girl, give us a sign, why don't you?_

As soon as that thought fires through the neurons in my brain, a light illuminates the fog to our left, and I let out a desperate sob of relief.

The light on top of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

It's blinking on and off, a signal to lead us home.

"You gorgeous, clever, magnificent, astounding, exquisite, old ship!" The Doctor says, planting a kiss with every word on the blue doors as he unlocks them.

We drag our battered bodies into the T.A.R.D.I.S, and the first thing I do is toss the book far away from me. It lands on the grated floor, dust whooshing out of the pages as it makes a metallic thud.

"So… can we both just agree that some planets are not worth a stop?" I say after a moment, sitting on the floor to take weight off of my broken foot. He puts a hand over his ribs, and gives me an irritating little grin.

"Never."


	14. Are You Sad?

I've never been much of an artist, really. Drawing, sketching, sculpting…

Painting.

My hand shakes as I hold the paintbrush in a deathgrip, the thin tip doused in white paint.

_Okay, you can do this. You've saved entire species, prevented wars, resolved interplanetary conflict._

_You can paint a doll._

I'm not sure why it's so important to me that the doll be restored, or at least as restored as possible. Finding it abandoned on that ghastly planet, one of the few remnants of what life should have been, all alone… I guess it resonated with me in a way I hadn't expected.

After we'd gotten ourselves patched up on Trinifare, I'd begged the Doctor to take me to get paint, a few brushes, glue, a few swatches of cloth, and some faux hair from an arts and crafts store on Earth. He had obliged, offering to do it himself, knowing I'm not exactly talented in any of the skills required to restore the doll.

I insisted that I wanted to try. I found her, I should be the one to bring her back to life, so to speak.

So far, I've managed to paint her skin back to that bright yellow. I've painted her necklace beads deep, intense colors of blue and purple, as I think they might have once been.

Removing the old, brittle hair had been harder than expected. Whatever they used to glue it to her head had lasted this long, and didn't want to give up entirely just yet. I had to have the Doctor help yank it out.

But now comes the trickiest part. Painting the eyes. I have no idea what this species looked like. I don't know what they called themselves, I don't even know for sure if this doll is a female. The beads of the necklace could not even be a necklace at all, maybe it's part of their anatomy. It was carved into the doll as one piece, after all. I know nothing about it, I'm just going with my gut on this whole thing, really.

_Hopefully I don't butcher her style too much… _

I re-dip the paintbrush, since I've hesitated so long the paint had started to dry. Then I slowly line one of the empty dents in the wood, two curved little dips where the eyes once were. I fill it in and do the same with the other, then set her on the desk to work on gluing the hair while that dries. I've chosen purple hair, cut long so it will hang to her back. It contrasts in a lovely way with her bright yellow skin, and it feels perfectly right to me.

Once the white of her eyes has dried, I dip an even smaller paintbrush into green paint, the color of light jade. This is the most crucial part of the whole thing. If I make her eyes wonky, I mean, all of it is going to look wonky.

"Need some help?"

I bite my lip, shaking my head slowly. I feel the Doctor come to stand behind me where I sit, and his mind brushes mine, reassuring and encouraging, filling me with calm. My hand finally stills completely, and I take a deep breath, moving in two tiny squares, leaving jade irises for the doll in the centers of her oval eyes.

_They're flawless._

"Oh, good on that, Evy. It's nearly perfect! Who knew you were a master painter after all? All clumsy and such when it comes to art, but when you really try… That's quite a sound job." The Doctor says, his hands squeezing my shoulders and I feel his lips on the top of my head, kissing my hair.

"That's me, new-age Michelangelo. Would you look at that? She's beautiful… Do you think her owner would approve?" I say, jokingly, but not really. If I could, I'd return this forsaken little doll to her owner right this very second.

"Oh, yes, I think you've got it right. Even if you hadn't, I don't think it would matter to whoever had this doll, to be honest. Your kindness would be enough."

I look up to see him smiling down at me, his eyes melted honey.

"Well… She's not finished yet. Tell that to me again when I'm done and can't still ruin her."

All that's left though is to repaint her lips red, and to cut her a dress.

_How badly can I manage to screw those up?_

* * *

><p>The Doctor opens the doors to the T.A.R.D.I.S, to Qi-Beifong, a planet of humanoids with a very special date spot, so he had explained. Apparently, on Qi-Beifong, there is a network of tunnels. He won't tell me what's special about the tunnels. Typical.<p>

The doll, whom I've affectionately named Violet, for her hair, is tucked safely into the pocket of the backpack carrying our lunches. I've taken to bringing her with us on our adventures, hoping maybe I could find someone to give her to, someone who might love her again. Then and only then will she be complete and my work will be done.

So far, Qi-Beifong is beautiful, with mighty, snow-dusted mountains in the background of hills covered with rows of brownish-yellow grass.

Farms, I suppose.

We walk along a dirt road, passing a few of the indigenous people along the way. Most are dressed in robes of colorful silk, and I think I might want to acquire one for myself.

_Looks comfy._

They're the same height as humans, with the same build, except for one thing. They've got beaks where their mouths and noses should be, and a plume of feathers for hair.

I've seen stranger, much stranger, so I'm not even fazed by it. They're not particularly friendly though, not responding to us when we say hello, but then most of them were pushing wheelbarrows or working in some way, so I don't really blame them.

Eventually we approach a village of little buildings made of the same yellow-brown grass that surrounds it.

_Those farms, they were gathering building supplies, then. That grass must be very sturdy if they build houses out of it. Three little pigs, anyone?_

"This is Ni-Gong, the largest village in all of Qi-Beifong. The people on this planet, they don't call themselves anything specific, they've got no name. They haven't achieved space travel yet, or any complex machinery, and they tend to be nomadic, if possible. If not, they live in temporary villages. Ni-Gong is a special case."

"Because of the caverns."

"Exactly, why move all around when there's such a living to be made here, in one spot? Everyone in this village is probably part of the same family group." He says, and that surprises me. My family was tiny, just me, my mom, and my dad. We never really went to see our extended family often, so the idea is strange to me, having everyone related to you around at all times.

_My family…_

I push the thought away easily, before I even really have a chance to form it.

The people in the village are a bit more friendly, greeting us and trying to get us to look at the wares in some of the vendor's stalls. It all feels very touristy to me, all of the sellers crowding around the entrance to the village. People must come here often, for vacation or holiday.

"We need a guide to go to the caverns, so we'll need to stop over there. Just a precaution to prevent looting, littering, anything unseemly going on in the caverns." He says, pointing to one of the larger grass buildings.

"Wait, do we need money?" I ask, and he shakes his head, reaching out to tap the backpack with his hand, jerking the straps on my shoulders.

"We've got everything we need right here. C'mon! I can't wait for you to see this." He says, grabbing my hand and nearly jogging into the grass building. Someone sits at a curved desk, as if made from the bark of a tree. She looks up from some scrolls sprawled up before her, then clicks her beak rapidly before standing up.

"Hello and welcome travelers! You require a guide into the Isle of Enlightenment?" She says, and it kind of weirds me out, how she just clicks her beak together a few times and English comes out.

_The T.A.R.D.I.S must have had to work a bit for this one…_

"Yes, that would be fantastic! Thank you, yes, lovely!" The Doctor says, standing behind me to unzip the bag. I stand and cooperate, wondering what he's doing with our lunches…

He scoops everything out, both sandwiches, both bags of chips, and both our waters, then dumps them on her curved desk before shoving his hands in his pockets, and giving me a wink.

_We pay with food. That's how we're supposed to pay for things here, with food?_

_Aw man… I was starting to get hungry, too…_

The bird-lady sweeps down into a bow, then claps her hands together, and another person comes into the building, bowing quickly to us as well. She then turns to the food on her desk, running her hands over it as if it were solid gold and paying us no mind.

The new person in the room, a stout little guy with a short beak and thinning feathers, clasps his hands together in what I assume to be a respectful gesture.

"I am Si-Kun, I will be your guide to-"

"No, I will guide them myself. You're dismissed, um… Sick Coon."

We all just stare at her, silence thicker than the air itself, and Si-Kun doesn't bother to correct her on the pronunciation of his name. He just bows again and scurries out of the building.

"It's ah… Been a while since I've done a tour, you see? And for such eccentric, esteemed guests? I couldn't resist!" She says, and gestures for us to follow her outside, leaving the food without a second glance.

I give the Doctor an apprehensive frown, and he just shrugs, following the lady out. She starts to lead us down the main road of the village, towards the side of a mountain. We walk in silence for quite a while, and it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. There's something very strange about this woman…

"So, what was your name again?" I say, and she looks at me over her shoulder, a cheery glint in her grey eyes.

"Oh, right, I'm…" She pauses as if trying to remember, "Joo-Li! It's good to see you."

_It's good to see you… Odd way to introduce yourself, isn't it? Not sure I like Joo-Li._

"I'm the Doctor and this is Evy, Good to see you, too!" He says cheerfully, not seeming to even catch the oddness of this lady's social interaction.

_I guess it takes one to know one…_

"So, what's special about this Isle of Enlightenment, then?" I say, looking overhead as we enter the very side of the mountain itself, and it makes me dizzy as I seem to shrink under the sheer height of it.

Once inside, I see that there are lanterns along the wall, hung a few feet apart, to light our way.

"This mountain, Mount Ni-Gong, is very special in many ways. Eons ago, it was a volcano."

She pauses at that, and I think she's going to continue, but she doesn't.

The Doctor clears his throat and picks up for her when she remains silent.

"It's made of two main layers, or it was… The outer layer of rock is very durable, harder than diamond, stronger than reinforced steel, but the inside is softer, more malleable. So, when the lava from the volcano came up, it melted and heated the inner layer, but couldn't escape through the outer layer. The resulting pressure combined with the heat caused a very rare reaction, crystallizing miles upon square miles of stone in the center of this mountain." He says, nudging me excitedly and I give him a grin after tearing my eyes away from the strange woman leading us.

"Oh, so it's like crystal caverns, then? That must be neat! You've seen it before, haven't you Joo-Li?" I say, and she nods quickly.

"Yes, I must have." She says, and I can't help but throw my hands up a little at that, gesturing to the Doctor.

_There is something not right about you, lady, I don't know what, but you reek of… I don't know! Something weird…_

He raises an eyebrow and nods, connecting his mind with mine easily, the cool vastness of it no longer bewildering, not even in the slightest.

_This might be years of experience with space shenanigans talking, but I can't be the only one who thinks she's extremely strange..._ I think, and the tone of his thoughts becomes grudgingly agreeing.

_Just keep an eye on her. I don't think she's dangerous, maybe a bit crazy, yeah, but not a threat._ I hear, and I make sure he feels my disconcerted unease before I sever the connection.

"So, Joo-Li… Won't we need to bring some lanterns into the Isle of Enlightenment, to, you know, see the cool crystals we've come to see?" I say, and she remains silent for just a bit too long.

I begin to wonder if she heard me.

"There is a hole near the summit of the mountain, carved over millennia by the only thing persistent enough to succeed. Water. This allows natural light to come through. That is the Enlightenment part. The Doctor wouldn't want me to ruin the whole thing, though. You'll see." She finally says, and I swear every word she says gives me the heebie-jeebies.

After a while of hiking through the dimly lit halls, I begin to hear something exciting. It's the slick splash of water on solid walls, echoing from all over, as if bouncing off of many surfaces.

I bite my lip and turn to give the Doctor an excited little grin, wanting more than anything to grab him and dash ahead of Joo-Li.

The Doctor is way ahead of me, though. He does just that, and I can't help the bubbling of laughter that escapes me when we brush past Joo-Li a bit rougher than was intended. She doesn't do or say anything though, just continues to calmly walk towards the caverns.

We dash like children until we burst into an enormous, breath-takingly beautiful, masterpiece of a work of art. The cavern itself is art. Water has eroded the softer crystal over hundreds of years, into honeycomb-like fixtures. I look straight up as the Doctor leads me further in, both hands around mine, watching my face carefully. My mouth gapes open as I behold the miles and miles above me of shimmering crystal, the light from up top causing rainbows to explode from every single fixture.

"D'you like it?" The Doctor asks, and I nod dumbly, unable to tear my eyes off of the crystals, the shimmering water trickling all over, "I knew you would."

I finally look at him, and grin so wide I swear my cheeks might split. He's so sweet, thinking to take me somewhere like this, wanting only to see me happy.

I can't help the involuntary mental hug I give him, wrapping him up tight in my emotions, my gratitude and love, and he beams at me, opening his arms for a real hug. I oblige happily, snuggling into his chest.

"This is an interesting little thing."

I pull away to look at Joo-Li, and see that she has something in her hand, something yellow and purple.

I whip the backpack from around my shoulders to see that Violet isn't in the pocket anymore.

"Hey! That's my... doll, give it back, please." I say, starting towards her and holding my hand out. I don't trust her with Violet at all.

She looks at it, stroking the soft purple hair before turning her grey eyes to me. I feel oddly frantic, not because I worked so hard on her, or because she was my project for days. But because Violet needs someone, someone else may need Violet, everyone needs someone. Even forgotten little dolls…

"Even more interesting now." She says, cocking her head and smiling a little. She turns her gaze out to the crystals hanging above a deep chasm, where I imagine water must pool. I can't see though, it's so far down, so dark.

"Just give her here. C'mon, it's not funny." I say, and with that she chirps a little giggle and tosses Violet with all her might. She careens through the air so quickly that when she smashes into a crystal, it cracks.

With that she tumbles into the darkness below, where the rainbows can't touch her, and I can't ever reach her.

_Alone again._

I let out a little breath, my eyes glued to the spot where the little doll disappeared into the chasm.

"Why would you do that? Evy worked really hard on that, you know? What's your problem anyway?" The Doctor says, but she doesn't even glance at him.

"Oh, there it is, there it is. Are you sad?" Joo-Li says, and when I look at her, she has genuine curiosity in her eyes, her expression rapt by every change upon mine.

I don't really have time to chew her out, because a crackling noise interrupts whatever foul language was about to come out of my mouth. The crack in the crystal, it has splintered all the way up, and now onto another fixture, and another.

"Aww, seriously, not the Isle of Enlightenment! Can't we just have one day where nothing gets destroyed?" I hear the Doctor moan from behind me before he grabs my hand, and we're running. A crystal falls in front of us, nearly landing on Joo-Li, but she doesn't move an inch. Doesn't even flinch.

_Doesn't she have an ounce of normalcy in her body? Does she not care if she dies?_

She just stands, grinning at the Doctor and I as we run towards her, towards the exit tunnel.

"Run, Joo-Li!" The Doctor says as we pass her, and right at the precisely perfect moment, she yanks me back, and pushes the Doctor forward, causing him to stumble and roll away. A crystal crashes right where we would have been, and the Doctor looks in shock at us.

She just saved our lives.

I look at her, and instantly, I feel the most basic, primal terror. Her eyes are absolutely crazed, wider than should be possible, bloodshot as if exerting a lot of effort. As if fighting against the urge to run, to save her life.

She yanks me close to her, and puts her beak to my ear.

"Your Doctor isn't as noble as you think, girl. He'll run, he always runs." She hisses, and then pushes me away, towards the Doctor. I stumble into him, and he steadies me, hesitating to call to Joo-Li one more time.

In the end we have to leave her, or be killed ourselves…

She doesn't even scream as the crystals crush her.


	15. An Effective Distraction

_Coming out of the tunnels, covered in glittering dust, microscopic shards of their precious caverns, combined with the absence of Joo-Li…_

_Well, let's just say the villagers didn't want to hear any of our explanations. It's not like we had many to give anyway. Joo-Li had a touch of madness to her, but no one related to what we told them. From what I gather, she had been a very prominent member of the village, trusted and loved by everyone._

_That's not the impression I got from her, to be honest. I got sadistic combined with devious, but that could just be my personal opinion…_

_Oh, my trusty journal, what a delight it must be not to be human. Or sentient. Or animate in any way._

_I still see her grey eyes when I close my own, wide with terror and helplessness, even as she planted her feet in refusal to save her own life._

_I haven't had the heart to write about her, partly because I'm so terribly disturbed, and partly because I don't understand what it meant, not even with weeks to process it._

_It's like she wished she could have run, wanted to run, but she couldn't. She wouldn't let herself… _

_Or something. _

_The way she had watched my face after she threw Violet, so intently and awe-struck, like a child seeing something shiny and new for the first time… I had gotten the feeling of Deja-vu, as if I knew her in that moment._

_I may get some of these planets confused, but I know I've never been to Qi-Beifong before, and I know I've never met Joo-Li. _

_The Doctor always puts on this veil, hides behind his carefully constructed façade. He pretends he bounces back so easily from tragedy. So, needless to say, he's been acting normal, while I've been acting decidedly not normal._

_He told me that tragedy has a way of following him wherever he goes, and he has learned how to move past it. Yet, there's a difference between working through it, and moving past it…_

_The Doctor runs. _

_That's what she said, the last thing she ever said. He's not as noble as I think._

_He always runs._

_As if she knew him well enough to attest to that._

_I asked him if he knew her, and I know he wasn't lying when he told me he didn't know Joo-Li, so how could she know him?_

_It still haunts me, comes to me in the form of nightmares of orange spacesuits and fires, explosions._

_Ah well, I guess it must have been something I'll never figure out, one of those times that I'll have to be the Doctor and move past it._

_Should be easy enough… Right?_

Slightly-calloused hands cover my eyes, and a smile spreads slowly on my lips.

"You, Miss Crenshaw, are in for a surprise."

The deep timbre of his voice sends little shivers of desire down my spine. He knows it drives me insane when he talks like that. I can feel the satisfaction bursting from his mind like sunbeams, the smug bastard.

I shut my journal, trying to turn around to look at him, but before I know it, he has something wrapped around my head, covering my eyes, and I'm on my feet.

"What kind of surprise, exactly?" I say, biting my lip against a grin, and I feel his hand on my lower back, gently pushing me in the right direction. I take slow, cautious steps, the loss of my sight causing me to walk a bit like a brand new baby deer. Awkward and bumbling.

"Oh, the surprising, very unexpected sort of surprise. Do you trust me?" He asks, still using that husky, insanity-inducing voice, and it's all I can do not to rip the blindfold off, among other articles of cloth.

"Well, depends on what I'm trusting you with. Do I trust you with my life? Yeah, sure. Do I trust you with creative freedom when it comes to birthday gifts? No." I say, taking his hand off of my back to lace my fingers through his, feeling more secure that way somehow.

"Oh, get off it, that was a one-time thing. Most of my inventions work perfectly. Remember the automatic taste-tester? That worked brilliantly." He says, and my feet are no longer on the metal grated floor of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

Soft ground, very bouncy, makes a swishing sound beneath my shoes. Some kind of grass? I feel warmth on my face, too. Cool, crisp air balances it out nicely.

"Okay, but automatic taste-tester? You know we're born with those, right? Taste buds?" I say, and he lets out a sigh.

"Yeah, but what if you hate, loathe, _despise_ the taste of pears, and you're about to try some alien food that looks suspiciously pear-like? What are you supposed to do then, just pop it in your mouth and hope for the best?"

"Well, if we were normal people, yeah." I say, and he stops us abruptly, his hand leaving mine, and I try to grab after him. I get nothing but air.

"Exactly my point, now… Back to the question, do you trust me?" He says, and I hear his voice behind me, and then his hands on my shoulders.

"Like I said, with my life. What's all this about?" I say, reaching up to try and lift the blindfold. His hand snags mine before it can complete its goal though.

"Good, good… then you'll be able to enjoy it on the way down!"

_On the way down…_

"Wha-" I start, but I'm blinded by light when he yanks my blindfold off and then he's wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me close, lifting me. Air rushes past my face.

My eyes adjust to see at least two thousand feet of nothing but air below us, tiny little squares that look like buildings awaiting us at the very bottom.

I start to scream his name, but it just turns into a wail of terror.

_He's finally lost it._

_He has just thrown us both off of a cliff._

I hear his laughter right in my ear, loud and unrestrained in the screeching wind around us. His arm hasn't left my waist, securing me to his side, and when I manage to focus on his face, his smile is wide and his cheeks are flapping vigorously in the violent wind.

The sight is so absurd and blasé that I have to laugh with him. Whether he's just killed us or not, I can't imagine a more ridiculous way to die.

I grab onto his shoulders, and maneuver myself so that I'm facing him, our bodies flat against the wind. He must understand the idea in my mind, because he adjusts his grip on me, careful to keep me close to him as he interlocks our hands instead.

We spin in a circle, face to laughing face, rocketing closer and closer to the ground below. It's then that I realize I do trust him, so fully and completely that even a mere hundred feet above what my mind would normally interpret as certain doom, I'm not panicking.

_I mean, I'm not crapping my pants or anything right now, so that must mean something, right?_

My laughter slowly warps into a low, keening screech of horror when I see that all that awaits us below is a patch of grass, about forty by forty feet, nestled in the center of a bunch of square buildings.

_Oh my God, he's completely insane. We're going to splat like rotten tomatoes on the ground. I just unknowingly entered into a suicide pact apparently._

I squeeze my eyes shut right before impact, expecting my ribs to shatter and my spine to be propelled from my body, yet… We're just bouncing.

We bounce probably fifty feet up in the air, come down, do it again, like a trampoline.

_But it's just grass. Light green grass with black veins. _

_Ooh, he's got some explaining to do with this one…_

Once we've stopped bouncing, and my breath finds its way down from the sky back into my lungs, I part my now wild curls from my face to look at him. He has rolled onto his back, looking up at the sky with a giddy little grin, still laughing to himself.

"You know…" I say, crawling over to flop my head down onto his chest, "Some guys might take their gal out to dinner at her favorite restaurant, or maybe find more subtle ways to be spontaneous. But that's much too tame for you, oh no, tossing me off a cliff is the best idea you've got for a date?"

He gives me a wink, slowly twirling a finger in my hair, capturing a single curl.

"You needed a good distraction. Our normal fun-filled days just weren't making the cut." He says, and I take a deep breath, wondering what he's talking about for a moment.

Then I remember. Joo-Li, the nightmares, etc etc…

"Well, I'd say it worked! I think I might've forgotten my name, would you mind giving me a hint?" I say, and he laughs, sitting up to help me to my feet.

_Whoa… It feels like I'm floating on clouds._

"You are the lovely Evelyn Crenshaw, and your surprise isn't over yet. There's still time for a tame dinner, if you'd like? Maybe some dessert after?" He says, waggling his eyebrows, and I grin, playfully bumping him with my hip a little.

"Which kind of dessert?" I say, and I can't help the laugh of delight that bubbles out of me when his face turns a bit red.

_Even after all this time, it's still my very favorite thing to do, embarrassing my Doctor._


	16. Illusions and Inevitability

"So the grass, which really is just grass, acts like a trampoline… because of how its fibers are laid?" I ask, raising my eyebrow before shoveling another bite of the delicious meat-type thing covered in leaves into my mouth.

"Yeah! It's exactly like that, think of a trampoline, how the fibers are laid in a criss-cross type pattern, one on top of the other, lending strength. Then, the oppositely laid fibers lend the flexibility! It's the same with the grass, given Trewponian carbon is much stronger than what Earth's grass if made of-"

"Oh! There you are! I knew you were around here somewhere, it's a bit difficult to pinpoint specific lifeforms sometimes. You two, though… You are _tricky_!"

It's our waiter, the pink-skinned, orange eyed man with the red suit. A clash of colors, really, and now even his words aren't making sense…

The Doctor and I just stare at him as he approaches our table, and I clear my throat uncomfortably when he sidles into the booth next to me.

"So. Which time is this, the third time? This isn't the first time for you, is it?" He says, his alien orange eyes alight with interest as they move from the Doctor to me.

"Sorry… but what are you talking about?" I say, and reach out to the Doctor's mind, feeling uneasy.

I recoil immediately when I'm met with a burning sensation, searing my mind unapologetically, and confusion clouds my thoughts.

_Who and why?_

_What? How?_

"Which time is it, girl?" He spits out, leaning close to me, squinting as if he can't quite see me, "I lose track of timelines occasionally, you see…"

"No, you don't." The Doctor says, and when I look at him, his face is cold stone, his eyes nearly blazing with malice.

"Oh, you know better, flattery will get you nowhere, Doctor." The man says, and suddenly turns to a passing waitress, grabbing her hand before turning to look at us again. The waitress stands still for a moment before giving us a smile and walking off.

Our waiter's eyes seem unfocused.

"Did you need anything else, sir and lady?" He says after clearing his throat and standing from the booth.

"Um… You-" I start, but the Doctor shakes his head, his mind finally brushing mine, the coolness soothing on the leftover burning from earlier.

_The burning. It feels like… No, but is that possible?_

The Doctor nods grimly, causing my stomach to drop, his eyes predatory, fixed upon the waitress. She sets a few plates down on the table adjacent to us before casually making her way over to us.

"No, thank you, we're fine. Check would be nice." He finally says to the waiter, who nods, leaving to ring us up.

The waitress. She's making her way back over to us now, and once again, I have another occupant on my side of the booth.

"Now, let's see if I can't get a straight answer, which time is this for you? I've met you three times now. Well… I've met little Evelyn three times now, at least. We had a nice chat, although judging from the status of her mind, I'd say that's in the future for her…"

_No. This can't be happening._

"Leave her alone." The Doctor growls, and I slam my fist down on the table, jarring the plates and cups rather violently.

"I'm right here, quit talking as if I'm not." I say, turning to the waitress with what I hope is a blood-curdling glare. It might have turned out to be blood-curdlingly frightened?

_This thing, this powerful thing made of the time vortex, it's… stalking us?_

"You. You're Granicus, the drone thing from Babylon, with Alexander…" I say carefully, and the waitress twirls her magenta hair around a finger, shrugging.

"Am I? Probably will be soon, your past is my future, your future is my past, interacting with organisms can be so perplexing. Or it would be if I didn't know all of it." She says, giving me a little smile, "But did you like the Isle of Enlightenment? It really wasn't my intention to bring it all down…"

My mind goes blank.

All I notice is the Doctor's hand clenching into a tight first, the white of his knuckles showing through his skin.

"That was you. You took over Joo-Li? You killed her?" I say numbly, and the waitress attempts to look a bit saddened, failing miserably. When I look at the Doctor again, I realize he doesn't look surprised.

_He knew. He knew it was the drone._

"Like I said, I didn't mean to bring it down. It's just, you two are taking your sweet time, and I'm ever so curious." The drone says, its host's orange eyes watching me carefully.

"She wanted to save herself, she was conscious… You kept her from running." I say, my voice small as I remember the helpless desperation in her grey eyes. The drone's face lights up when it registers the emotions flitting across my face.

"Survival instincts are more of a challenge to control. She was a fighter, that one." The drone says, and I feel a bit nauseous.

_Oh God, she must have been absolutely petrified, knowing she was going to die, unable to do anything about it…_

"Taking our sweet time, what do you mean by that?" The Doctor says, and as soon as it turns to look at him, the burning sears into my mind, and through the connection we have, I see what the drone shows him.

_Me. It's me, tears in my eyes, standing in the doorway of the T.A.R.D.I.S, the doors wide open._

_"I love you." I say, before I disintegrate into a trillion golden flecks of atomic dust, swirling out across the glowing stars, into deep space._

_Scattered forever._

"You're taking your sweet time getting to our final destination. The ultimate study of emotional response to grief. I swear, it'll be like your quaint little Christmas holiday." The drone says, and I shake my head, blinking quickly as my vision becomes normal again.

My stomach turns when I look at the Doctor. That's what the drone must have showed him…

His worst fear.

"Doctor?" I say, feeling my throat tighten, and he glances at me, teeth bared furiously as he stands up from the booth.

"Listen to me very carefully, Evy. This thing, this abomination, you have to remember its original programming was to understand a living mind, to hack into it. Emotion is the only thing it doesn't quite grasp, and it _enjoys_ seeing our reactions to intense emotions, learning heartbreak and grief above all. It will show you any portion of any possible timeline, just to get a rise out of you, and that's what it's doing. It's just toying with us." He grates out, glaring at the drone as if he wishes his eyes were lasers.

"Expend the effort to travel across the vortex multiple times just to toy with you? No, I don't think so, Doctor dearest. I'm lying in wait, you see. Anticipating the precisely perfect time to capture that moment, that explosion of the purest of emotions." The drone says, and when it winks at me, shivers of revulsion up my spine cause me to stand up abruptly, making my way to the Doctor's side.

I hold my chin up, squaring my jaw, hoping that it makes me look unafraid.

I don't dare speak, knowing my voice will quiver. Luckily, the Doctor is strong where I am weak.

"You're going to be sorely disappointed, because that's never going to happen. Over my dead body." He says, and places a guiding hand upon my back, herding me away from the drone, from our table.

"Perhaps, but I'm not so sure there will even be a body." The drone calls out, still sitting at our table, "Shall I tell your poor waiter there was an urgent matter you had to attend to?"

Neither of us bother to respond. The Doctor just quickly and silently leads me back to the patch of grass we landed on. The T.A.R.D.I.S is there, ever faithful.

I can't get rid of the nausea that has settled in my stomach, not even that night. Not even with the Doctor curled around me protectively, an arm draped across my waist, his mind trying to massage the dread from my thoughts.

_Some things you just can't move past._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Hey guys so omg getting intense here, right? Tell me whatcha think :0**

**Also um... I met a guy named Rahim the other day, and it was all I could do not to be like "Hey, do you know anyone named Evelyn, maybe like a past relative, or... a very extremely distant cousin?"**

**He probably thought I was on drugs or something, cuz 1. He was attractive so naturally I acted like a freaking weirdo with a chronic neck twitch and a very prominent speech impediment (whyyyyyyy can't I be normal?) and 2. My eyes bugged out of my head three feet probably when he told me his name lol**

**Anyway, just wanted to give a quick little shoutout to evilpinklollipop for being an amazing human being**

**Also reviews are my life blood.**

**I love all of you to Trinifare and back.**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**


	17. A Storm Approaches

I sit at my desk, pen in hand, still as stone.

I try to will words onto the page, try to formulate what I'm thinking into coherent English, but it just isn't happening. I always feel better after writing, like purging sickness from my body, getting rid of all the emotions and thoughts I don't know what to do with…

_I've dealt with death threats before, so to speak. Why is this any different? _

_In fact, I was dead. I died, the universe sure tried its very best to rid itself of me, but I'm still here. _

_If anything, shouldn't that make me feel more confident?_

_Yes, that's good, I'll write about that…_

I press the tip of the red pen to the page, but it seems my mind and my body are out of synch. Nothing happens.

The tiny throbbing pain in my brain simply reminds me that in some timeline, somewhere waiting for me in the vortex, I take my own life.

_I didn't look too much older either, not that I noticed, though it might be vanity speaking._

_Either way… It's not like I died in a battle of some kind, or for any recognizable cause. No one killed me._

_I did that to myself, I have no doubt. I've seen that happen before, I've done it to someone before._

_Well. Technically it was a robot, but that's not the point. _

My hand starts to shake.

_We've faced monsters reminiscent of the deepest corners of our nightmares. We've gained and lost part of ourselves along the way. We've been faced with almost certain death more times than I can count._

_And guess what?_

"I'm still here." I grumble and slam my journal shut, furious that I should even have to think about this sort of thing again.

The T.A.R.D.I.S ceases her lilting, upbeat melody, and I'm left sitting in silence.

My fingers drum rapidly upon the mahogany wood, anxiety building up in me like trillions of gallons of water behind a rickety dam.

_I can't take this, I need something to do. Now._

"Doctor!" I shout, standing up so quickly I accidentally flip my chair over. It makes such a loud clatter that I scramble to pick it up, stumbling over it and creating even more of a racket.

"Evy, what is it, what's happened?" The Doctor shouts back, all the way from the chemistry lab. The nice thing about living in the T.A.R.D.I.S is, if you're polite enough, she'll place any room wherever you need it to be.

I hear his footsteps on the metal grating of the console room, and then he's in our room. He's got a smudge of something black on his cheek. Ash? Oil?

Probably neither.

He adjusts his glasses and lets out a breath, smirking at me when he sees my limbs tangled up in my chair.

"Had a row with the chair, did you?" He says, and I can't help but return his grin, "Looks like a draw to me."

_Everything seems brighter when he smiles._

"With the chair, myself, my inability to process emotions correctly. The usual." I say, taking his hand, and once I'm up, he places the chair back in its normal, upright position.

"Doctor, I was wondering if maybe we could take a trip to Earth for a bit. A few days, maybe? I was thinking some familiarity would be nice and relaxing, you know?" I say, and he runs a hand through his hair, a hand which I realize has more of that black substance on it.

_Now it's in his hair, too._

His smile falters.

_What has my crazy alien been up to, anyway?_

"Oh, that's not the kind of trip we need right now, is it?" He says, his eyes becoming a little wild, "We need some good old fashioned adrenaline, adventure, maybe a daring escape or two."

He pauses to give me a wink, holding out an arm to me.

"What do you say? Shall we get into trouble together, you and me?"

I hesitate for just a moment too long.

_I mean, should we really be gallivanting into dangerous situations right now? I feel as though we need to figure something out, as if there's something coming. Something we need to be very aware of… Staring us right in the face._

"Please, Evy." He says, still holding his arm out to me, his eyes begging me to take it. I allow a little smile, finally lacing my arm into the crook of his. He smiles brilliantly at me.

It doesn't quite reach his eyes though.

"Shall we, Miss Crenshaw?"

"We shall, Mr. Doctor."

_Perhaps we'll get lucky, and the drone meant what it told us._

_That we're taking our sweet time, that it won't happen for quite a while. If it does happen._

_If._

_What a lovely notion…_

* * *

><p><em>Eight years, four months, one week, and five days.<em>

_That's how long I've been on this tin can._

I hear the cloister bell ring from the console room, the sound somehow dejected and offended, and my eyes stray from my journal. A coy smirk plays upon my lips.

_I meant that in the most loving of ways. The greatest, most clever, most beautiful tin can in all the galaxies of this universe and the next._

_Obviously._

The bell stops, a satisfied hum in the back of my mind before the old girl continues the song she had been singing.

A legato, melancholy tune despite my cheery mood.

I turn my attention back to the pages in front of me, flipping back to my current entry, and go over it again in my mind.

_How many months before Kleo?_

_And then add three years after Solgard… _

_If I subtract the time I was healing after Kleo though… No, that still counts…_

_And it's been two years since the Pillars of Creation incident… _

_Six… No, seven months since my birthday?_

_Yes._

_Eight years, four months, one week, and five days since I met the Doctor… Not to mention, years since the drone showed one of its faces._

_And guess what? I'm still here._

"Whoa…" I say, biting the tip of the red pen I always use. Lovely little thing from an Earth colony in the Driglo Galaxy, made with synthetic, lightweight ink that takes decades to run out.

_And only for ten credits! A steal, really._

Finally satisfied that I'm correct, I write it down in my journal, so that in another eight years, I won't have to recount all the way from the beginning.

_It's hard keeping track of time on a time machine… Sure, I could just type it into the interface of the T.A.R.D.I.S and have her do the math for me, but where's the fun in that?_

_Eight years. I'm going to be thirty this year of my timeline. _

_Thirty. Do you even know how that makes me feel, my trusty, ever-dependable journal?_

_I mean, sure I've got about 170 years left in me, but I am going to be thirty years old._

_Thirty years old._

_Years old, not years young. Old. _

_Honestly, it terrifies me. The Doctor doesn't really age, does he? He just stays the same. He's going to look young for hundreds of years, and I… Well, we don't really know what's going to become of me, do we? I'm a mutated mutt, the first, the last, the only of my kind. There is not a single person like me in this universe._

_I could turn to dust at 100 years old._

_I could lose my hearing and sight, but still be forced by the rest of my body to live on._

_My muscles could just give up on me, shrivel to nothing until I'm just a brain attached to skin and bones._

_I could still die of natural causes; aneurysm, stroke, heart attack. No one can count on living to their full life expectancy, but what happens when you're expected to live for 200 years?_

_Am I going to get 200 years worth of wrinkles?_

_Am I going to start smelling like prune juice and stale perfume anytime soon? _

I pause and take a deep breath, shaking my hand out to relieve the cramp burning my wrist.

My green, Vinvocci colored wrist.

_You know what? I'll probably look back at this entry and read it and laugh to myself in a hundred years._

_Not only am I still here, I'll probably be a hundred and looking fabulous._

_'Oh, how silly I was to worry. I'm perfectly fine. I haven't even a gray hair! Oh, la-di-da, life is just a box of immortal chocolates!'_

_What?... It's feasible, journal, okay? I could be just as graceful at aging as the Doctor, who knows?_

_Don't give me that sass. _

_Just for that, journal, I'm going to put you away._

"Okay, here's an idea. You didn't want to try Renifron, but what about… Neora? I think you'd really like Neora, love, it's exactly your type of place, lots of greenery, friendly people. C'mon, don't you want to give it a go?" I hear the Doctor's voice, borderline desperate, from the console room, some tools clanging to the metal grated floor.

_And also because I've been laying in bed writing for hours and I think the Doctor might be getting cross at last._

I shut the journal with a snap and roll off our bed with a sigh. I'm not anywhere near adventure-ready though, so I ought to hurry, or I swear the Doctor might pop a vein.

We haven't gone out in a few days. I'm not sure what it is, but I've just been in a bit of a funk lately. Something feels off… Not between us, or because of anything the Doctor has done or said.

Sometimes you just need to stay in for a bit, have a little time to yourself. I think it's healthy, the Doctor always thinks I'm clinically insane whenever I do this though.

_Eugh, you're such a human_, he always sneers, half joking, half completely serious.

I'm definitely not tired, though.

Or old.

This feels different.

It feels like I'm missing something. After so long away from home, and don't get me wrong, I'd never willingly move back to Earth... Yet it's been nearly a year since I've seen Earth, as if we've been avoiding it, and it's like missing a family member…

_Family._

It's always been nagging at me in the back of my mind, the fact that I left my family behind like yesterday's paper…

Lately, though… It's become difficult to ignore, the idea that right now, in this timeline, in my timeline, it's been eight years for them as well.

I will have gone missing, eight years ago, with nothing to comfort them except a note to my room mate saying I've gone travelling and not to expect me back…

In this timeline, as it is right now, I've allowed myself to be incredibly selfish for eight long, happy years.

I can change it. We can change it, so easily, at any moment. Pop back to 2014 on Earth, a quick trip home to explain the bare minimum to them, keep them from thinking the worst had happened to me…

_I can't imagine the pain of not knowing what's happened to your only child… I suppose I'll never have the chance to experience that, but still…_

My relationship with my parents had never been close, per se. They showed their love in very stiff, well-meaning rules, limitations, thinking that safe meant happy for me.

It caused a bit of a rift between us. They held me back from the one thing I craved more than anything.

Exploration, adventure, excitement.

Yet, my mom had always said that every parent does their best, even if their best is another person's worst.

_It's time to go back. Time to stop avoiding it, before… Before I start growing too old. They'll notice if I come back with wrinkles, it will definitely freak them out to say the least…_

"Alright fine, you've snagged me, you crazy alien…" I shout and head over to the dresser, rummaging around for a nicer outfit.

"Oh thank everything good and divine in this universe, at last, that grumpy little woman in sweatpants has returned my Evy to me!"

"Yeah, well, careful. The grumpy sweatpants lady is like my Mr. Hyde. Don't provoke her." I shout tauntingly as I slip into my favorite dress, a playful red with gold lace overlay, and I just hear him chuckle.

I shimmy into some tight athletic shorts under the flowing skirt of my dress- Shh, a girl has her tricks, there's a lot of running and jumping and acrobatics involved usually, okay?-before strutting into the console room in my favorite black flats.

Mom never let me wear anything less than a dress whenever we went out… This should please her. I hope, at least…

Anxiety causes my hands to feel a bit clammy.

"Haven't even got your tools put away? And I thought you were eager to go!" I say, halfway through throwing my curls up into a loose bun, when I see that he's still got his little rectangular timey-wimey tool box spilled onto the floor.

_He's taught me how to use at least seven of the tools in there. Seven out of about six-hundred tools._

_The box is bigger on the inside, of course._

He stands up abruptly, torn between his desire to keep the T.A.R.D.I.S tidy and his need to run off into our next adventure.

Apparently the latter wins by a landslide.

"Eh, we'll be back in a tick, I'll do it later." He says, grinning as he practically pounces on the console. I follow his lead with a weak smile, my hands flying fondly over the familiar buttons, knobs, and levers.

"Doctor," I start, and he meets my eyes from across the console, raising an eyebrow when he registers my dubious expression, "I was thinking… Maybe we could go to Earth this time?"

"Oh." He says, pausing for quite a long while, his mouth set in a firm line, "Are you sure? I mean we could go to so many different worlds, there are entire galaxies waiting for us. I could find places similar to wherever you'd like to go on Earth! If you'd like to go to Egypt again, I know just the place. Same culture, same architectural style, different atmosphere. We'd need to wear our suits, oxygen masks at the very least, but that's part of the fun."

I narrow my eyes a bit, scrutinizing him closely.

_He's acting a bit… furtive for my taste._

"Actually, I was thinking specifically the States. Ohio to be exact. In 2014." I say, my voice getting smaller and smaller.

His internal reaction belies his facial expression. I feel him try to keep the lining of his stomach from churning as his mind indicates a flurry of emotions.

_A strange reaction. I'm nervous to see my parents too, but…_

"Already? I mean, are you sure? We could wait a few years longer, it's not like you look any older, Evy." He says, his voice nonchalant but his mind still reeling. If he would just let me strengthen the connection…

_Maybe I could catch a glimpse of what's going through that mind of his._

I casually brush his consciousness with mine, and he recoils immediately as if I'd burned him, shielding his thoughts in a way that he hasn't in a long time.

"What has gotten in to you? I just want to see my parents, I mean honestly Doctor… There's nothing to be so… prickly about!" I say, giving him a nice long glare, "I didn't realize meeting my family would be such a dreadful notion that you'd have to be dragged into it kicking and screaming."

"It's not that." He says, his gold eyes fiery.

"Then what? What is it?"

"It's just…" He pauses, taking a deep breath and squeezing his eyes shut as if I'm giving him a headache, "I was looking forward to an adventure, you know? Dinner with mum and dad sounds nice, but… Does it have to be now? Does it have to be today?"

He sounds desperate, and now his eyes are pleading with me for… something. It frightens me a little before I remember what we're talking about.

_It's just a few hours, at most. We can spend the rest of the day where ever he wants, for God's sake…_

"Well, I'd like it to be today…" I say, putting a hand on my hip, determined to see this through, "I can't keep avoiding my parents like the plague just because they don't exactly fit into my life anymore. All I can think about is my mom sitting around, wondering if she could have saved me, or my dad wishing he'd been able to protect me. I have dreams about them crying, asking me why I abandoned them… They don't know how perfectly happy I am, and it's not fair."

The Doctor bites the inside of his mouth so hard he must be drawing blood…

"Evy…" He says, his voice strangled and he shrugs, shaking his head as if he doesn't know what to say next. But his answer is loud and clear.

_No._

I allow my heated frustration to flood against the barrier of his mind. I know he feels it.

"You've got to be kidding me," I say, throwing my hands up, and shaking my head, utterly and completely done with this childish behavior, "Fine, you know what? Fine. How about this, you can have an adventure today alone and I'll just stay in again, how about that?"

I take my hair down out of the bun in one furious whip of my hand, letting my eyes bore into his. I storm past him, all the while raining my emotions upon the shield of his mind, making sure he knows exactly what I'm thinking. He keeps his eyes on the grated metal floor, his jaw set tightly.

"You go on ahead, if you're so keen on adventuring. I'm going to write a letter to my mom, since you won't let me see her. Maybe the next time _you_ decide I'm allowed to go to Earth, I can deliver it. If I'm lucky." I spit venomously before the T.A.R.D.I.S shuts the door behind me, and I pause at the foot of our bed, hesitating…

_I haven't spent a night in my own room in years. After all, why would I want to?_

_Oh._

_Right, maybe because the Doctor decided satisfying his own selfish whims was more important than letting my family know I'm not dead after I'd not had the courage to do so in eight years?_

_Yeah that's a pretty solid reason, I'd say. _


	18. Derelinquo

**A/N**

**Hey guys, so... College has started again, so I'm not sure if that will cause me to write more, or write less. This semester isn't too bad, and I do love my alone time, so I might end up writing more, who knows. I managed to get this out, kind of a difficult chapter to write :/ But you know when a story gets a life of its own, and just takes you with it for the ride. That's what's happening to me. Bit scary.**

**So tell me what you're thinking, what's going on in those lovely heads of yours? I am genuinely curious, at all times of the day, every day a week, what you wonderful people are thinking of my story. I thank everything good and holy in this world for every single word any one of you has ever typed to me 3**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**

* * *

><p>Twenty-three crumpled papers and a couple of hours later, I finally give up.<p>

_How do I tell my mom and dad all that has happened to me, to us? How do I write it into a letter so as not to sound like a complete nutter? How do I even begin to explain how this is possible?_

_To them, in their normal, quiet little world, all of this would be grounds to disown me, put me into a home for the mentally disturbed._

_No, I need to be there, they need to see what I'm talking about. They need to see the truth in my eyes, they need to see The Doctor._

_Speaking of my cantankerous Time Lord…_

He hasn't tried to talk to me yet. I can feel his mind, ever present, as I always can no matter what.

It's like his mind is throbbing; the swell of heat around a wound.

I almost feel guilty, knowing I've caused him to feel that way, until I remember I have nothing to feel guilty about. All I want is to stop in for a bit, let them know the truth.

_He's acting as if I've given him an ultimatum, or something, the stupid man._

"Open the door, love." I hear from our room at last, and a little knock on the wall.

I don't even need to give the T.A.R.D.I.S permission. She knows us both well enough to know I'd never keep him away purposefully, even as frustrated as I am.

The door appears, and the Doctor comes in, swiping crumpled papers off my old bed to sit next to me. I don't say anything. I want to hear his explanation. I can tell from the tone of his mind that he has one lined up.

"If you want to go see your parents, we'll go." He says softly, and when I look at him, a bit hunched over, elbows resting on his knees, he seems almost… despondent. Like I've broken his spirit.

_Drama Queen._

"And… Did you want to tell me what all that was?" I say, trying to be gentle. Even after so long, sometimes he needs a kind, understanding sort of touch. After all, it was out of character for him, there must have been a good reason.

"Yeah, I… See, family. It's a bit of a tricky subject for me." He says, and immediately I feel as though my guilt had been justified, "An old habit of mine, handy little defense mechanism, so to speak."

All of my frustration evaporates for good at that. Sometimes, I forget that he's still broken, no matter how much better he's gotten over the years. He's still the man who regrets.

_Some things, you just can't move past, right?_

"Let one person in, but keep everyone else at bay. Safer that way?"

"Yeah."

I sigh and lean my head on his shoulder, glad that this fight hasn't lasted long. I hate being angry with him. It seems a waste of precious time, to me.

"Well, if it helps, I will be extremely surprised if you bond with my parents," I say, and I feel him chuckle a bit, "I didn't even really bond with them, so…"

"Right, well… If you're up for it still, we can get going." He says, and I stand up, twirling slowly.

"Do I still look presentable?" I ask, and one corner of his mouth tugs up into a smirk. His gold eyes hold mine for longer than expected, and it almost makes me wonder if we should go. He seems so apprehensive.

"You look beautiful." He says simply, and I lean down to give him a kiss, my hand gripping his tie for leverage.

"Well in that case, let's go."

* * *

><p>We park the T.A.R.D.I.S practically right outside my parents' house, next to the driveway. He thought maybe it might be easier for them to believe if we could show her to them.<p>

_At this point, I'll take anything that will help my story at least seem possible…_

Opening the doors, it feels like taking a deep breath of a cloud, all warm and moist. It must still be late into the spring semester of 2014, judging by the weather. Nice and muggy, humid, seems like a spring storm is on its way.

And there sits my old house. Exactly the same as I'd left it for my junior year, eight years ago. Brick with black shutters, two stories tall, with an ugly orange-shingled roof.

Mom always loathed that roof.

The lone tree sits in our front yard, probably hundreds of years younger than the man standing next to me, despite its considerable height and width. Such an old and mighty thing, taller than my house, its top almost as wide.

I used to sit under that tree, somehow feeling as though if I were to speak to it, it would hear me. Even then, I was a lonely little thing. Partly my own fault, partly my parents' faults.

When you're not allowed to go to sleepovers, not allowed to go to ride roller coasters, not allowed to do anything remotely fun… The kids with sane parents tend to avoid you…

"No turning back now." The Doctor says, and I nod, taking his hand.

When I ring the doorbell, which might seem an odd thing to do since I lived here not even a year ago, I smooth my dress and fluff my hair. The Doctor runs a hand through his own hair, shifting from foot to foot.

I might find it comical if I weren't so nervous.

_How will they react? Will they be angry, happy to see me? Will they go insane if I show them what my life is now?_

The door opens to reveal my dad's face, the same dark mustache and goatee he has always had, square glasses covering his amber irises, the same color as mine. His eyes have laugh lines, too, just like I remember.

He squints, as if confused to see me, and opens the door all the way, calling for my mom.

"Jillian! It's Evelyn!" He yells over his shoulder before even greeting us.

"What? Why isn't she at school?" I hear my mom call from inside, and then rushed footsteps. She appears behind my dad in the hall, wiping her hands on her light blue apron. Prim and proper as ever, my little mom. Barely over five feet tall, slim, with hair dyed black, narrowing eyes that could freeze your soul.

Out of everything about my mother, her eyes are what I remember the best. Blue, the color of polar ice, with streaks of grey shattering it. Beautiful and severe, just like her.

"What's wrong, is everything okay? Did something happen?" My mom says, and I notice my dad eyeing the Doctor as if sizing him up, picking out weaknesses.

It almost makes me smile, his typical dad behavior. He's too sweet to ever be intimidating, but he tries his best. Too sweet to stand up to my mom either, and that's how its always been in our house. My mom makes and enforces the rules, no matter how ludicrous, and my dad just goes with the flow.

I remember often feeling a bit betrayed when I'd try to contest one of my mom's silly rules, and even though I knew he didn't agree with her, he'd just stay silent.

My sweet dad…

I also notice my mom raising a brow when she notices my hand.

_My green hand... _

I fold my arms behind my back.

"Hi, um… Yes, no, yeah, everything's great, I just wanted to see you guys. Think we could stay for dinner?" I say, and a beat of silence passes as my parents glance at one another. Finally, my mom nods, waving us in.

"It's a Tuesday. You're missing classes, Evelyn." My mom says, giving me that familiar icy look of impending-parental-disappointment.

_Oh how I missed that._

I take a deep breath, giving the Doctor a look. That's when I notice something. He's awfully quiet for the chatterbox he normally is...

_Are you sure it's too late to turn back?_

"Today's classes were cancelled. Look, we don't even need to stay for dinner, I just wanted to talk to you really fast." I say, and my dad clears his throat, shutting the door behind us.

"Of course, dear. Whatever you'd like." He says, and I realize he must think something has gone terribly wrong. They both must think we're here to deliver horrible news, or something…

I smooth my dress again, taking my shoes off at the door to keep my mom from having a mental breakdown about dirt, and lead the Doctor into the living room.

It's funny, I expected that feeling of coming home after a long vacation, the way the scent of your house is the most delightful thing you could possibly imagine. The way it smells like comfort and seems to just relax your entire being.

It's not like that at all. It's all foreign to me, familiar only in memory… It's like I'm dreaming of the past.

"And who is we?" My dad says once we're standing awkwardly in the center of the room, extending a large paw out to the Doctor. He takes it, shaking it firmly.

"I'm the Doctor, nice to meet you." He says and my dad leans in closer, as if he hadn't heard.

"Greg, sorry, but I didn't catch that, Doctor who?" He says, and I lower my gaze, smiling as discreetly as I can. He gets that much too often.

"Just the Doctor, Doctor if you like." He says, and my dad nods slowly, obviously already thinking we're both a bit off the tracks.

_This is not going to be easy. _

"So, Mom, Dad…" I start, rocking back on my heels, nodding to the couch, "Can we sit down?"

We all sit down at once, my parents on the loveseat, and the Doctor and I on the bigger sofa.

An unbearably long silence passes, and the anxiety starts to claw its way up from my stomach.

_How? How the hell do I even start this?_

"Are you pregnant? Oh my God, you're pregnant. My daughter, pregnant and unmarried at 21 years old. I knew we shouldn't have let you go away to college so far away from home!" My mom says, placing a hand gingerly over her mouth and shaking her head.

I grit my teeth, fighting the urge to scowl.

_You just had to go there._

"Um… No, Mom, I'm not pregnant, really? Give us a chance." I say, letting out a frustrated breath. My dad looks flustered, not sure how he should be reacting to all of this.

And so I take the Doctor's hand, gripping it in mine tightly, anchoring myself to reality, and begin our story.

* * *

><p>"So, really, we've just been travelling for quite some time. I came back to let you know I'm happy, and safe."<p>

"Came back?" My dad says, and I feel grateful that he's asking questions, that someone has finally said something.

They've been completely silent before now, just staring at us with blank eyes.

"For us, it's been much longer." The Doctor says, "I've brought us back to the day after our past selves left Evy's dorm, didn't want to muss anything up, you know?"

They remain silent for a few heartbeats, and my mom points a finger at the Doctor.

"You're not human." She states, and then points to me, "And neither are you. That's what you're saying, you're telling us that you've turned yourselves into aliens."

"Well, no, the Doctor was already an alien, but all that's relative isn't it? To the Vinvocci, I was an alien, to the Doctor, we're aliens…" I say, my voice getting quieter and quieter as I continue, and my mom nods slowly.

She turns to my dad and gives him a look that I don't need telepathy to read, clear as day.

_Our daughter is insane. This man has turned her into a crazed meth addict, or something._

Then she turns to me, nodding slowly again, clasping her hands together in front of her.

"Would you two still like to stay for dinner?" She says after a long silence, a full five minutes of staring at one another.

_Well… I think this could have gone worse. Definitely could have gone better, but…_

_I mean, they haven't seen the T.A.R.D.I.S yet, so maybe they'll believe us after that!_

"Oh, um…" I glance to the Doctor, and he nods almost imperceptibly as he checks his pockets for something, "Sure, yeah that'd be great, thank you."

"Hey I've left the sonic in the T.A.R.D.I.S, I'll be back in a tick." The Doctor murmurs to me when we all get up to walk into the kitchen, my parents leading the way.

"Alright, don't leave me alone with them for too long." I hiss back, giving my dad a smile when he glances at us.

The Doctor frowns, his brow furrowing before leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek, lingering and out-of-place.

And then he's out the door, and I see him jogging to the T.A.R.D.I.S, his untied white trainers making me smile, before I follow my mom and dad into the kitchen, which also happens to be their dining room.

"He seems… quirky. Not exactly who I'd pick for you." My mom says, her tone obviously disapproving. I roll my eyes.

"You don't really know him yet, he's… amazing. Smart and kind and brave and… Amazing." I say, smiling a little, and my dad scoffs, taking a seat in his usual spot at the table.

"I don't know about him, dear." He says, and I see that he has obviously taken her side. Big surprise.

"You need to be focusing on school, Evelyn. You've got veterinary school applications to do, you know. Do you have all of your volunteer hours yet?" My mom says, pulling out what seems to be lemon pepper chicken from the oven.

I don't get a chance to answer, because a sound crashes through my train of thought like a freighter.

_The T.A.R.D.I.S. _

_Leaving._

My brain wipes itself of all coherent thought, and becomes entirely composed of emotion, a flurry of chemical and electrical reactions that gives my tiny migraine a boost.

"What?" I whisper, and launch myself into the hall, fumbling with the doorknob. Once I get it open, I try to barrel through it too quickly, and end up stumbling out, scraping my knee on the rough pavement.

"DOCTOR!" I shout, heaving myself up and running barefoot into the grass.

And then she's dematerializing. Fading away, in and out, until she's barely there.

_He's leaving without me. He's abandoning me._

**He's running.**

_Just like the drone told me he would, years ago when it was Joo-Li._

It all makes sense suddenly. The apprehension about coming to Earth, avoiding it for years, acting like I've made him choose between life or death by asking him to come here.

He must have promised himself he'd leave me the next time we came to Earth.

He must have been planning this for years, convincing himself in some convoluted, self-absorbed way that this was how he was going to do it. This was the way to save me from the drone's vision. I can't kill myself on the T.A.R.D.I.S if I'm no longer on the T.A.R.D.I.S.

He might as well have took a blade to my throat, though.

Words fail me. I want to scream at him, I want to sob, I want to grab what's left of the T.A.R.D.I.S, and yank him back to me. I want him to know what he's done.

He's abandoning me on a planet where I no longer belong. With people among which I don't belong. He might as well have thrown the randomizer on and tossed me out the doors without checking a single stat on the screen.

_This… No, he's coming back, he's going to come back._

I can physically feel my hearts shattering, breaking into sharp shards of what they used to be. The aching, stabbing pain brings hot tears to my eyes.

Vaguely, I register thunder breaking the silence, a furious and lonely God sharing his anger with the world.

A few fat drops of rain plop against my skin.

"Please don't leave me." I settle with, unable to say anything else. He can't hear me. He's probably in deep space by now, orbiting some newly formed star.

But he can feel me. I still feel him, his mind, the weight and coolness of it, overlapping mine as it usually does, even after the T.A.R.D.I.S is gone.

_After he's gone._

"Evelyn! What on Earth are you doing?"

I register my mom standing next to me, and when I don't acknowledge her presence, she plants herself in front of me, her slight form demanding to be seen.

I finally meet her eyes, feeling hot, furious tears prick my own. She doesn't seem to notice, looking up at the sky for a moment.

"Come inside, it's not safe out here in a storm." She says, gripping my arm, pulling me back towards our house, back towards everything I purposefully left behind, everything I never wanted for myself.

_This isn't happening, no, please, no... I think I'm going to… Yep…_

I yank my arm out of her grasp, and then promptly bend over to vomit.


	19. Pieces of a Puzzle

_Opening those doors always yields the same exact feeling. Always._

_It's been nearly a decade, my hands have pushed them open hundreds upon hundreds of times, yet I still feel the same way._

_It's the feeling of unwrapping a present on Christmas, and at the same time it's the feeling of giving a really great present on Christmas as well._

_Anticipation, excitement, relishing the knowledge that whatever the gift is, it's going to be exhilarating regardless. The best part is that we get to share all of it, my Doctor and me. We see the universe through each other's eyes, seeing it as brand new in some way, no matter what._

_Not such a bad life we've got, for a renegade and a mutt._

_This time, opening the doors reveals just what he had promised me. Greenery, and lots of it. _

_Branches spring into the T.A.R.D.I.S doorway as soon as the doors are no longer a barrier, a twig whacking the Doctor in the face. He flinches, looking extremely offended and rubbing the slightly red spot under his eye._

_I feel the familiar joyful tightness in my chest, the happy contraction of my hearts, as I always do whenever he makes me smile._

_Silly man._

_I bite my lip, giggling a little as I lean over to kiss the welt, and a corner of his mouth turns up. His gold eyes soften and he captures my chin, steals a kiss on the lips because he can._

_His mind fills with possessive warmth, and I can't help the grin that forms against his kiss._

_"You... are going to love this place." He murmurs when he pulls away, and takes my hand, tugging me gently towards the paradise before us._

* * *

><p>My hearts ache painfully when I open my eyes, the gaping hole in my chest writhing furiously at the memory still fresh in my mind.<p>

I stare at the white ceiling above me.

_Just a dream… Only ever a dream now._

I'd fallen asleep.

I would find it funny if the man blathering on next to me weren't so hideously obnoxious. And if I had the heart to find anything funny.

"And that's why I think you've formulated this delusion around the man you call Doctor. You were deprived of stimulation, affection, and human interaction, all of which your mind concocted for you instead." The psychologist says, and when I look over from the couch to glare at him, a crack forms in his gigantic round glasses, and he jumps a little, taking them off. He holds them as if they were a pit viper.

_Looks like the migraine is getting kinda full. Cha-ching._

"The only delusion we've got in this equation is my parents thinking anything about you is helpful." I grate out, sitting up from the couch, and starting towards the door.

"He needs you, Evy."

I halt immediately, recognizing the change in tone of voice for what it is. Plus, the stupid therapist would never say something like that.

"Took you long enough to show your ugly face. I would have expected you days sooner, with all this…" I say, swallowing thickly, unable to put my situation into words.

"I'd say heartbreak, but that doesn't quite cover it, now does it?" The drone says, and I let my hand slide off the handle of the office door, turning to face what used to be my therapist.

"What do you want?" I say, my eyes boring into his furiously. I don't need him to rub it in, I know exactly how painful this is.

It's been five days. Two were spent staring at the white walls of my old bedroom, my new prison. Three were spent talking to a stranger about how delusional I am, how extreme my psychosis is.

_He's not coming back. He won't._

"Believe it or not…" the drone says, dropping the cracked pair of glasses to the floor, and slowly crushing them with one Oxford-covered foot, "I'm here to help."

I let out a harsh chuckle before turning around and yanking the door open.

_Right, the sadistic Science Fair project gone wrong wants to help. To hell with that._

"Don't you want to know how he'll die?"

My stomach drops into my suddenly frozen feet, where it churns quickly, fearfully.

But it's not long before fear quickly mutates to rage, all the disappointment, all the sadness and fury and betrayal...

I close the door gently.

In one quick movement, I whip back around, pinning the therapist, Dr. West, into the bookshelf behind him, a flame jetting towards his throat from the tips of my fingers.

"Ooh! Not as dead as you seem! I like it, you'll do just fine, oh yes!" He says, laughing in glee, his eyes wide with terror.

_Dr. West might remember this if the drone lets him live._

I take a deep breath, noticing the slight decrease in the weight of my migraine as the fire flickers in the drone's eyes. I let the flame go out, and step back, watching the drone warily.

_I guess threatening something that has no survival instinct is a little useless... That felt good, though._

"I'm not playing your little game, got it? I'm done." I say, and he just smiles, shaking his head.

"No you're not. You've barely begun." He says, gesturing for me to come closer. I inch towards him, and he slithers an arm around my shoulders, holding me in place.

"You see, this… It's beautiful, tragic, I think. The absolute misery radiating off of both of you is just delectable. But it's not what is supposed to happen. You are supposed to die." He says, then his grin widens, "Everyone is supposed to die. Everyone will die, in one, infinitesimal second, the entire universe will cease to exist."

My eyes widen a bit, against my will.

_Okay… He's got my attention now._

"Aren't you curious?" He says, and I nod my head angrily.

"Yes, yes alright what do you know?"

The drone smiles, a spider having caught its next meal. It's then that I know this knowledge will come with a price…

"Your Doctor has been very naughty, indeed. Or he will be. I get those mixed up." The drone says, eyes to the ceiling as if it may have the answers, "You will die, and in his weakness, he will do anything to save you... The universe suffers for it."

I duck out from under his arm, squaring my shoulders and narrowing my eyes, feeling like a cornered animal under the gaze of this creature, this monster.

"What do you mean? He saved me already, I'm here. He abandoned me, remember?" I say, unable to keep the bitterness from my tone.

"Abandonment is permanent. You honestly think your Doctor will be able to go on without you, after so long? You think he's that resilient, that heroic? I tried to tell you… He's not as noble as you think."

I bite my lip, my hearts leaping a bit at that.

_Don't read too much into it, Evy. He's probably lying. You can't trust him._

But I can feel myself teetering so very close to the edge of a deadly abyss from which there is no coming back.

Hope.

"Okay, say he does come back, which he probably won't, but say he does... Hypothetically… how does that lead to the universe collapsing?"

"Come closer and I'll show you."

I hesitate when the drone reaches out its hand to me, giving me a wink that sends shivers up my spine. I know that this is the moment, a choice it's giving me. If I take that hand, what it shows me will determine my future, maybe even the future of the whole universe, if what it says is true…

When I grasp its hand in mine, I feel my physical self drop to the floor, but my mind… The drone is whisking itself through the time vortex, and bringing me along with it, gripping my consciousness so tightly it burns like a white hot cattlebrand.

And then I see it. I hear it. I taste it. The future.

_A rip in the fabric of reality large enough for a race damned to a perpetual hell, an eternal suffering within the Time War, to slip through, to take hold of a message. _

_To use it to drag themselves back into reality, to reduce the whole of the universe to dust, under the impression that they will live on as pure consciousness. A damnable and impossible notion, one that only the most desperate, despairing minds might come up with, tainted by the filth of war and diseased by hatred._

_Rassilon._

_I see the Doctor, my poor Doctor, beat up and bloody, holding something he'd only use in the most desperate of dire circumstances._

_My worst nightmare. My absurd, crazy alien, feeling so hopeless that he must use a gun, pointed at the escaping Time Lords, with the… Tyrant…?_

_No, the Master, by his side, asking to be a part of this revolution, this destruction of the universe._

_Ever the coward, he chooses life over revenge, and thus the Master topples the universe over into chaos by leaving the Doctor to be the only one to make the decision._

_Kill the Master, the link to Gallifrey's salvation, Kill Rassilon, the leader of this mad insurrection and similar link, or give up the universe?_

_Of course, not even despairing and bereft of anything worth living for, the Doctor would never. And so the universe falls into nothingness, and the infinite number of innocent lives within it follow closely._

_There's blackness, only blackness, darkness, nothing._

_Time has collapsed upon itself, unable to hold the burden of Gallifrey's return, the Time War, and the rip in the universe snaps, like a rubber band stretched to the max._

_No stars, no planets, no Humans or Time Lords or Daleks or Trinifarians or Vinvocci. No trees or air or sunlight. No mist or mountains or skies of any color._

_In a single instant, all of it vanishes, ceases to exist entirely._

* * *

><p>I inhale a sharp breath, coughing violently when I come back into my own body. The drone is standing over me from where I lay on the floor, my face against the ornate carpet of Dr. West's office.<p>

"Do you see now? It all fits like a puzzle, what you and your Time Lord have done over the years, leading to that exact moment. You two decide whether the universe lives on, or whether it implodes."

_No pressure, or anything._

"No, but the rip, the tear in the universe, the one the Time Lords used to come through, it had to come from somewhere. We didn't do that." I say, getting onto my knees, willing my hearts to slow down.

"Have you checked the paper recently?"

"What?" I say, finally standing on my own two feet.

"Have you checked the paper recently?" The drone says very slowly, accentuating each word carefully, nodding to a folded newspaper on Dr. West's desk.

I snatch it up, and I don't even have to flip through it to see what he's talking about.

It's dated 2050, which is impossible. It's only been five days.

I look up, already confused.

"A little 'thank you' might be appreciated. It's a gift, an update on your Time Lord."

I swallow thickly, taking another look at the front page. Something about a Mars expedition, an attempt to establish a long-standing, livable base. They all died in an explosion on their base camp. No one survived. Except the captain, Adelaide Brooke. She was found in her home on Earth somehow, impossibly, having committed suicide.

I shake my head, not understanding what he's implying.

"I brought you that from the future, to show you just how much he needs you. That was the Doctor rebelling against Time itself, an angry child throwing a tantrum without his toy." The drone says, "And by toy, I mean… You."

I look back down to the grim story, remembering the nightmare I had many nights, of the Time Lord Victorious, talking about how he was the winner, how he can't be controlled by time.

"Tampering with fixed points in history, now… That is a tantrum of Gallifreyan proportions, wouldn't you say?"

"He tried to save Adelaide Brooke." I say softly, my thumb tracing the picture of the dead woman. She has a sort of severity about her, her blue eyes hardened by years of hard work, glimmering with intelligence and fortitude.

_He tried to save her, even though he's always been adamant about the rules of Time. Fixed points are just that. Fixed._

_We left all those people to die and burn, back when we'd gone to Babylon, because it was a fixed point. _

_It's not like him to do something like this, something so reckless and dangerous as to tamper with the laws of Time..._

"But time does not bend to anyone. Not even a Time Lord Victorious."

My eyes snap up to meet his, and they're glittering with amusement.

_How does he know that name?_

_Ah, bugger it. I'd be surprised if he didn't, I suppose…_

"So… So, what? What do I do?" I say, my voice coming out more frightened than I'd intended. I have a terrible, sinking feeling that I won't like what he's about to say.

"Quite simple really, all you have to do is… Die." The drone says, smiling as if it's the most fantastic news I could ever hope to hear. Anger wells up inside me like a venomous snake, just wishing it could strike for once.

I keep my migraine well under wraps though, however badly I'd like to lash out, years of experience aiding me in that.

"Enough! Just explain for once, quit with the riddles!"

The smile drops from the drone's face, and it stares me down levelly for the first time.

"The Master will not give up his life willingly. Revenge is high on his list of priorities. Rassilon did cause him to become insane after all, but living… What can be more important than that?" He says, pausing as if expecting me to answer. When I don't, he clasps his hands together behind his back and starts pacing, a very human thing to do.

"I am programmed to hack the minds of living organisms, and I understand living minds quite well now, I've gotten very good at it, as you know," He pauses to wiggle Dr. West's eyebrows at me, earning him a scowl, "I will be able to sway the Master's will towards revenge, towards sacrificing his life in order to kill Rassilon, thus collapsing all links to Gallifrey, and sealing the hole in the universe. This will effectively save everyone. Your Doctor will live on, the universe will live on, I will continue to hack organisms… One big happy ecosystem, don't you think?"

I wait for him to continue but he doesn't. This is it, the part where the price is named.

"But…?"

The drone loses its seriousness instantly, grinning widely and clapping its hands together.

"But I want you to do something for me first. I will help you and your universe, but only if you set up what can only be described as the quintessence of grief." He pauses to savor those words on his borrowed tongue, "Your Doctor will return for you, he must. And when he does, you will have exactly one week, which is one hundred and sixty-eight hours, to put that migraine of yours to good use. You will die, and I will have gained every possible piece of information about emotion."

I think back to what I'd seen, reducing myself to atomic dust, right in front of the Doctor.

_I can't do that to him. I can't, the guilt... He'd think I did it because of him, because he'd abandoned me, or something. He'll find a way to blame himself._

_It would destroy him._

Suddenly I feel dizzy. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that I will agree to this, that I have to…

"You're…" I search for a word severe enough, but the English language fails me yet again, "You're disgusting. I won't do it."

The drone shrugs, sitting in Dr. West's chair and letting out a huge sigh, picking at his nails.

"Now, don't be like that. Besides, if you don't, without my help, the Master will never sacrifice his own life, and the universe will collapse. Saves you a bit of trouble, but is it really worth it?" He says, watching me intently, "I promise your Doctor won't let you go without a fight, oh yes, he's going to be very naughty indeed. He'll just… spiral into recklessness and insanity, open a hole in the universe big enough for Gallifrey to come back, defend Earth against the Master and the Time Lords, regenerate, and it'll all be satisfactory. Trust me."

_Regenerate… Oh no, please… I worked so very hard to avoid that, I can't bear the thought of losing him, my Doctor, changing into the stranger with the very impressive chin… Someone I don't know. Someone completely different, someone who may not love me, someone who I may never know the way I know him now._

_Yet, if it were him in my position, in a healthy state of mind, would he do it? Would he forfeit his life and hurt me beyond measure, destroy me, to save the universe, the humans and all the strange creatures he loves so very much?_

Yes. Of course he would. Two lives in an infinite system of cogs and bolts, as he'd told me once. That's all we are, and I see now that he's right, with the weight of the universe on my shoulders.

_His pain, my pain… What is it worth when it comes down to it? Worth trillions upon trillions upon trillions of lives? _

_It would be worth one life, to him. He'd do it to save one, single life._

_So I can do this to save the whole universe. I can and I will._

_Yet…_

I vaguely recall the Doctor telling me not to trust this thing completely, but… What other choice has he left me with?

I'm more intelligent now, me being a mutt, and sure I've learned a bit over the years, but I have no materials to make anything to bring him back to me. I have no way of contacting someone else to come get me, Freya perhaps, with her Auroran Spatial Disk. She must have gotten it functional at some point, she would help me, I'm sure of it… If she could. Which she can't.

Not to mention, I have the bare minimum when it comes to knowledge of building anything. I've only Earthly materials to work with, and I don't know how to put it all together in order for it all to function properly. I'd probably just end up killing myself if I tried to make something similar to the T.A.R.D.I.S or Freya's disk by myself… So how am I supposed to do anything about the universe supposedly ending, about the Doctor dying, without trusting this thing?

_How can I do that alone?_

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out at first.

_I'm giving myself up for slaughter... Once I agree to this, there's no turning back, no backing out. Either I die, or the universe does..._

"I'll do it." I say, feeling my knees start to shake a bit, averting my gaze to the floor as triumph alights the eyes of the drone's latest host.

"You'll not regret it, little Evelyn." He says, and with that, Dr. West slumps over, the tiniest bit of golden light leaving his eyes before they close, and he is silent.

I don't cry, or panic. I don't burst with anger or sorrow as I once may have at the news of my impending death.

I simply inhale deeply, steeling my body against the trembling it has begun, and I turn to leave. My migraine throbs painfully in the front of my head, a grim reminder of what the next few days will hold for me.

_This cannot be happening. I cannot believe this is happening._

"Oh, and also…"

I turn back around to see that the drone is back, once again invading poor, exhausted Dr. West.

"He'll come for you tonight, so if I were you I'd be ready to leave in about two hours, fifteen minutes, and forty-three seconds. Show time." He says, and again, the man slumps over, breathing quickly, hopefully unaware of what has just happened to him.

Furious determination settles into my soul, and I thrust open West's office door, prowling past the secretary to the front door.

_Landing on a Sunday just for me… How flattering._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**OMG INTENSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE**

**So, like 60 chapters later, I'm finally close to crossing into canon events, who's excited, not me because it's so much easier to screw up when you have to align your story with canon omg I have such respect for you people who do that with your stories all the time. But, it's what the story demands. And so it shall happen.**

**Or shall it? Lol jk. Or am I? Haha nah. Or not nah?**

**Okay it's super late and I'm probably going insane from paranoia that you guys won't like this chapter, so lemme know if you hate it or if you like it, and I guess I should do that thing, the thing where you close your eyes for long periods of time and let your brain enter a state of rest and relaxation... or whatever. Humans do it, I guess? It's supposed to be all the rage, this "sleeping".**

**I guess I can try it.**

**OKAY bye, you are all amazing for sticking with me this long and I love you all so much that in my tiredness I might cry from how much love I have for you omg okay bye goodnight.**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**


	20. Tunnel Vision

I can feel my parents staring at me from the living room, their eyes like lead weights upon the side of my face.

"Do we try talking to her again?" I hear my dad murmur, and it grates upon my nerves like sandpaper on granite.

_It's not their fault. They just don't know what to do, what to say._

My gaze focuses on the bugs buzzing around the porch light, following a natural instinct to fly towards light. They somehow remind me of a sight I'd seen a long time ago, Drackons flying around their crystal city…

I'm sitting on the stairs, with the front door wide open, waiting, just waiting. I haven't really got anything with me, besides the clothes on my back.

_I mean, he didn't give me a chance to take any of my things when he dumped me on Earth, now did he? It's not like there's much to pack._

I didn't bother lying to my parents, so they know exactly why I'm waiting. They don't know how to deal with someone who's entirely delusional, or deeply mentally disturbed, or whatever Dr. West told them about me, so they've just been hovering over me for the past hour and a half, as I've been sitting… Waiting patiently.

Dr. West's office called to say that I need to be brought in tomorrow about an inquiry for hospital bills. Apparently, poor Dr. West still hasn't woken up, and I was the last to see him conscious, so… I suppose that may seem a little suspect. Especially the way I had stormed out without a single word, leaving few answers to be found in my wake.

I guess my parents will have that to deal with when I'm gone…

_When I'm gone._

"Hey guys, I was thinking…" I say, looking up to meet their troubled gazes, abandoning my perch to amble into the living room, "I, uh…"

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, honestly… I just feel as though they should have some sort of explanation as to why I'll never visit again. And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it…

I sit between them on the couch, folding my hands in my lap.

"I just wanted to let you know that I understand why you're confused, and I know I haven't been the easiest daughter to deal with…" I say, and my mom silently shakes her head, obviously wishing she could deny that, "But you made me who I am, and I love you… So, don't worry about me, okay? If you ever wonder where I am, I'm out across the stars, happy and safe."

"We love you, too, Evelyn. So much." My dad says, putting an arm around me and bringing my head to his, resting on his shoulder.

My chest tightens. There's just something about being held by a parent that instills such a sense of safety and contentment. Albeit, maybe a false sense, but it's nice nonetheless.

"Why don't you get to bed now, dear, I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning! We can go talk to Dr. West's secretary, and get everything sorted out, and then I'll make you Greek Chicken and Potatoes for dinner, your favorite." My mom says, her tone pleading. All she wants, the sole thing she hopes for, is for me to snap back to how I used to be, for me to act normal.

_I hate to disappoint her, but I'd rather her be alive than happy._

"Love you mom." I say, leaning over to kiss her cheek a little awkwardly. We'd never really been too outwardly affectionate, my mom and I…

Right on cue, just as the drone had said, a distant groaning sound, faint at first, and then more prominent, brings me to my feet.

The T.A.R.D.I.S.

"Greg, what is that? That's the sound, the one you said was the pipes!" My mom says, and they both stand up to follow me to the door. We all watch the T.A.R.D.I.S appear in the front yard, and when she's fully landed, a lot of things dance upon the tip of my tongue

My mom utters a few concerning sputtering grunts.

_See! I'm not crazy! I told you, but you didn't believe me! I tried to explain, but no, you wouldn't listen! Ha!_

I decide against saying anything.

_That's all the proof they need, and really, do I need to rub it in?_

Without another word, I wave to them as I stride out the front door. I'm afraid if I speak, I'll say something I'll regret, and right now, I feel okay about how I'm leaving this.

"Evelyn! Evelyn, you stop right there, come back where it's safe!" My mom yells, not daring to leave the house herself.

"I'm fine, remember what I said!" I shout back, and I unlock the door with the key I still have hanging around my neck.

_He didn't even bother to take it away from me. He didn't even bother to do a lot of things._

I give one last little wave to them, my parents… Standing in the front door, quivering in fear of the unknown, of the most benevolent, ironic thing to be frightened of.

Odd to think how different we are now, how different we have always been.

_They'll be okay now. I've done what I needed to, and they'll be okay._

I shut the door gently, and turn to see that the Doctor is standing at the console, his eyes on the floor, hands in his pockets. Silence dominates the console room for what seems like forever.

He sends us into the vortex with a few manipulations of the console, still not looking at me.

_Coward._

Finally he does, and I see that above the dark circles dominating the area, his eyes are slightly red, forlorn.

He looks terrible.

"I made a mistake." He says, avoiding my eyes again, "I was wrong."

"You think?" I say, unable to keep the venom from seeping into my voice.

_If he had never left me, none of this might have happened._

"I'm sorry, Evy. I'm so sorry." He says, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut, his breath coming a little ragged, "I'm dangerous when you're not here. I can't…"

He clears his throat, and when he speaks again, his voice is raw and wounded. It reminds me of his age. He sounds so very tired, so old.

"I can't be without you, I know that now."

I shake my head, my migraine throbbing a bit with the emotion flooding my mind. I know he can feel the anger, the betrayal, the bitterness, and the joy swirling between us, all from me. My chest rises quicker and quicker, dragging air into my furiously pumping lungs. I quickly close the gap between us, and he moves to raise his arms and accept my embrace.

A resounding smack resonates around the console room as my palm connects with his cheek.

He doesn't look surprised, with his face blank, and turned the way I'd forced it.

"Right!" He says loudly before he blinks a few times, clears his throat and nods with his lips pursed, "Get it all out!"

"You stupid man." I breathe out before twining my arms around his neck and crushing him to my body. He clutches at me like a drowning man, his fingers digging into my skin with the intention of never letting go.

"I'm sorry." He says over and over into my hair.

_No, I'm sorry_, I want to say.

_I'm sorry that I couldn't find another way. And I'm sorry for what I have to do._

He pulls back and wipes a tear off of my heated skin. His gaze fixes upon the single tear on his finger as if it offends his very existence, with hatred and horror swirling in those gold orbs.

_See what you've done. See the pain, see what you've caused. Can you feel the brokenness, can you see the cracks you've created in my hearts?_

But there's no more time to be angry with him. Absolutely none. We can't afford to squander our time on squabbling, and really, seeing that look on his face, all of my bitterness melts. I can never wish the emotions I know he's feeling on anyone, especially him. Never him.

"It's okay, Doctor, I understand why you did it. And you… came back, so that's all that matters." I say, taking his hand and lowering it, out of his line of sight, and he shakes his head, a sad smile on his lips.

"You are much too human, Evelyn Anne." He says, running his fingers through my curls, and goosebumps rise on my skin.

"So are you." I say, and it causes his smile to widen a little, "I've heard you were a bit out of sorts without me."

All positivity, the joy at seeing one another, the reassuring thoughts of renewed devotion… It all drops from the air around us like lead.

"I've done something terrible, Evy." He says, the smile twisting away from his face immediately, "I'm a monster, I always knew it. I'm broken, much too broken to be trusted with this."

He gestures around us at the console room. The most powerful thing in all the universe, his ship.

"You're not a monster." I say, and he steps back, giving me an incredulous look.

"Am I not?" He spits, gritting his teeth and turning away from me, typing something into the console. The interface brings up a flickering hologram before me.

Adelaide Brooke. She turns without moving, her face blank, a mere picture of a dead woman in three-dimensions.

"I forced a woman, a damn good woman, a brave woman, to _kill_ herself. I did that, me!" He shouts, gesturing to himself, his mind desperate for me to understand his distress. The normally perfect walls around his mind waver, and it causes my stomach to turn, the thoughts I hear.

_You made a promise to help, anyone and anything who needed it, who asked for it. Killer, Destroyer of Worlds, Murderer of Your Own Kind, you betrayed everything you stand for, everything they stood for. You care for no one, therefore you are nothing._

The self-hatred is absolutely overwhelming, psychotically so, and for the first time in a very long time, I feel afraid of being able to feel the vast consciousness of my Time Lord. He's not himself.

"I looked her in the eye, I told her she had no choice, so she took a laser to her own skull! To save her family's timeline, because I didn't care about it! And now you're here, and I'm so happy, I'm so happy you're back with me," He says, his voice cracking with the sorrowful smile that breaks through his fury.

Then his eyes darken and he slams a hand down on the console, and the picture of Adelaide disappears.

"But I can't be, I shouldn't be!"

_He's terrified, absolutely petrified because he doesn't know what to do._

He can't be left alone, that option is much too frightening for him, and perhaps rightly so. After all, look at what he's done on his own…

He's let me in, he's gotten used to me being there with him, loving him, giving him someone to love. Making sure he behaves.

He's right. He is dangerous, and soon he'll prove it.

Yet, the reason he left me still stands. I'm going to die on the T.A.R.D.I.S, and he hasn't forgotten that.

_How can he?_

"Hey, look at me," I say softly, and he does. His eyes remind me of Dr. West's, as if he's trapped inside his own mind, "You were only trying to do the right thing. You're the Doctor. You do help people, that's what you've always done, and it's what you always will do. Adelaide Brooke… Well, she deserved to be saved. She did, and that's all you wanted."

"You're not understanding." He says, his voice low and his teeth clenched, every bit the feral Time Lord Victorious of my nightmares.

_Maybe if I can talk him out of whatever mayhem he'll cause after I'm gone… Maybe the hole in the universe will never occur, and he'll never have to deal with the Time Lords, and he'll not need to die. _

_Yes._

_That's my goal at this point. Knock some sanity into him before I have to go._

_Right then._

"You'd had just about enough of Time pushing you around, and you're not the only one, oh no," I say, thinking of all the energy I've spent fighting Time, trying to prevent his death… My death…

I shake my head, smiling bitterly.

"I understand perfectly! Time is the one who says Adelaide's life was forfeit, Time is the one who says you can't do anything about it, and Time is the one who says I have to die!" I say, my voice rising until I'm practically yelling, and his expression falls under the blunt words, "Yes, that's right, Doctor. I have to die, whether or not the drone is right."

I pause to shrug in exasperation, shaking my head miserably, "As much as we like to pretend, I'm not a Time Lady. I don't regenerate and I'll die just like anyone else, much sooner than you, and you know that. You've always known that. And there's nothing you can do, and even if there was… I'd hope you wouldn't succeed."

He looks as if he wants to argue again, and his emotions swell around that wound of a brain, pulsing painfully and causing my migraine to flare just a bit.

"Because you know the consequences if you did. Your people knew the consequences."

He leans against the console, seeming as if his breath has been knocked out of him. He stares at me with a bleak acceptance starting to spin in his mind, and I know I've said the right thing.

"I know." He says, looking down to the grated floor, his hand absentmindedly stroking a knob on the T.A.R.D.I.S, searching for comfort.

"You're the last of your kind, and I'm sorry, so very sorry, but you have to be strong because of that, because their laws survived." I murmur, sidling up next to him, taking his hand off the console in both of mine, bringing it to my lips "You have to be strong, because I'm not going to be around for…"

_Much longer._

"Forever. To baby sit you. You big, bumbling, toddler of an alien." I say, and he doesn't smile as I'd hoped he might, remaining quiet for a while.

"How did you know I'd been to Mars?" He says suddenly, frowning deeper, "I never explained my mistake before you mentioned it, not even in the slightest." He says, and I shrug, trying to make it seem as if it were a casual encounter.

"The drone paid me a visit."

I see the sinew of his jaw tighten as he grits his teeth.

"Evy, if that ever happens again, if the drone shows up or speaks to you alone, I need you to tell me." He says, suddenly very urgent, "Do you understand me?"

_Bit late for that._

"Yes, sir." I say, mocking a salute. I know how much he loves being saluted.

He turns to place both of his hands on either side of my face, forcing the full intensity of his alien eyes upon me.

"I'm serious."

"Excessively so." I say with a smirk, stealing a peck on the lips. He doesn't find it amusing, or distracting, which is what I'd been going for.

"Evy…"

"Doctor…" I groan, breaking away from him to saunter over to the doorway to the bedroom wing, "I've had a bit of a rough week, you see… And all I want right now is to just snuggle up in our Rownish silk sheets, and go to sleep. Is that so much to ask? Can you just do that one thing for me?"

He glowers his typical glower for just a moment before he lets out a sigh, waving a hand to the doorway and I break out into a smile.

I've been surprised before at the effect he has on me. Times where I'd been certain we were going to die, moments in which I was terrified for my life, and yet… I couldn't help but smile, be ridiculously happy at a time where I should be bawling my eyes out.

For shit's sake, I'm going to die in a week. Twenty-nine years out of what should have been two hundred, and here I am, smiling and really meaning it.

"What're you grinning about?" He says, tapping my nose as he passes me in the doorway.

"I missed you." I say, and he throws a little smile over his shoulder as he shrugs out of his suit jacket.

"I missed you too, love." He says, but I shake my head, flopping down onto our bed.

_Oooh, I actually had missed these sheets. Nothing finer in all the universe, I swear._

"See, I knew it would be hard if I ever stopped travelling with you. I thought I'd be miserable being stuck in one place, not being able to see all of the nooks and crannies of the universe we hadn't gotten to explore. I thought I'd feel suffocated, crushed under the weight of normalcy." I say, and I watch him loosen his tie, a silky silver with dark grey swirls like nebulas, "But it wasn't that."

He pauses, raising a brow before starting on unbuttoning his shirt.

"I missed _you_. I would get into bed at night, and not even try to sleep. I would just replay scenes in my head, funny little memories, things I would never want to forget if I couldn't see you again. Things I was afraid to forget… I didn't miss the adventure, or the excitement like I should have. It was you." I say, and his hands halt in their journey down his chest, and he looks at me for a moment, dumbfounded.

That look.

Sure, he swaggers about, telling everyone else how important and special they are. He shows everyone their true place in the universe, makes sure they know how they affect the people in it. Yet, who's there to tell him those things?

Who's there to show him how he, as a person, as a man, is important? Not the hero or fairytale so many cultures and planets make him out to be, but the man behind the legend and bravado...

His lips twitch up into a smile, and he flops down next to me with his hands behind his head, his chest half exposed, half shirt-clad.

"Well I didn't miss you at all." He says, and I jab my elbow into him, my mouth forming a smile-stained 'O'.

He laughs, the sound lifting my hearts into joy so pure it aches, his hands gripping my waist to pull me over to him. I straddle his lap comfortably, and he lifts his torso up enough to kiss my lips, then my nose, and my forehead.

He drapes his own emotions over mine, the tone of his normally cool mind warm and gentle. But more than anything, grateful, so dreadfully grateful that it causes my eyes to sting with tears of delight.

"I love you." He murmurs against my skin, and I close my eyes, breathing in the strange and alien scent that has always been him, putting everything else out of my mind. Everything but this moment.

"And I love you."


	21. Ubiquity

**A/N**

**Ugh, you guys... College... Need I say more?**

**SO, how are you all, what did I miss? Hope you're doing fantastic.**

**Meh... I feel like I've been absent for so long that I need to catch up on interacting with y'all and such. Like... I missed you guys D':**

**Okay so back to the story, what you guys came here for ha! Where will this crazytrain take us? Who knows?!**

...

...

...

...

**Well I do... But that's irrelevant ;D **

**We'll be coming to an end in probably 5 or 6 chapters, just as a heads up!**

**Lots of loveee,**

**-A.**

* * *

><p>"Careful, be very careful, Evy…"<p>

I swallow thickly, my hand wrapping tightly around the propane lighter, trying its best to light the fuse without shaking.

"Don't twitch, don't cough, don't speak, don't do anything but light that fuse, or all our hard work will be up in smoke…"

I slowly drag air in through my nose, not daring to take any breath deeper than that.

"Oh, no, you shouldn't hold it at an angle like that, you'll blow us up for sure!"

My eyes roll up to the ceiling before resting on him, and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"Right, right, I'll let you work…. Just three hours of blood, sweat, and tears down the drain if you do it wrong, no pressure." He says lightly, giving me a wink.

I turn my full attention back to the fuse, bringing the lighter closer to it, slowly, so very slow…

**POP!**

A sound like a cap-gun explodes the silence.

The Doctor's laughter rings in my ears as he wipes green frosting off of his face. A smile covered in sugary cake-like pudding spreads on my own lips.

"Well, I guess that's what we get for baking with volatile explosive fructose. The candles might have been asking for trouble, yeah?"

"Maybe a bit." I say, blinking quickly a few times to get the cake off my eyelashes, "But three hours of baking… Wasted."

"Not completely wasted! Been eons since I baked a Firebug's Delight cake, I forgot how much fun it was," He says, licking his fingers clean of the sticky substance, "Besides, it's not the end that matters, it's how you get there."

_Right. The journey, not the journey's end._

_The end._

I keep my mind carefully clean of emotion before he notices, which is unsurprisingly easy for me to do.

I've noticed something about myself in the past forty-five hours and twenty eight minutes I've spent reunited with the Doctor.

I'm a quick learner. Always have been. School was easy for me. Learning to control my migraine had even been easy for me. Figuring out how to run faster from my emotions than even the Doctor?

Easier still.

Observing him all these years, the way he 'moves past' things, as he calls it… Well, putting it into practice is nearly second nature now.

The trick is reaction time. Dexterity.

A stimulus occurs, something that reminds you of your impending doom by self-destruction, or of the billions of people you had been forced to murder, whichever happens to strike your particular fancy, and you allow yourself a millisecond, one infinitesimal moment to register it.

And then you must slaughter it, and quickly.

You kill the thought before it has a chance to live. You destroy any hope it has of developing, spreading like a disease in your mind.

_Simple as that._

And the Doctor… Well, he's doing what he does best. So far, in just the two days since we've been back together, we've been to six planets, two intergalactic space stations, four ships on nearly opposite ends of both time and the universe, and one moon.

He's running as fast as his little Time Lord legs will carry him, because in his mind he has just murdered someone. He directly caused the death of someone he admired, poor Adelaide Brooke, and if he stops, even for just one second, then he has even more to hate himself for.

I'm dying. To him, I'm dying, every single moment I'm with him, for that very reason.

Because I'm with him, and if I stay with him, I will die, and he knows it.

_But what can he do?_

I see now why he does what he does, what he has always done, now that I'm the one who's cornered like a rabid dog. Running is so much easier when you have no way of avoiding the inevitable.

_What else am I to do? Mope around and cry all day? Beg the Doctor to find a way to save me when I know he can't? Flee to the farthest reaches of the universe and avoid my own supposed destiny to save the universe for as long as it exists?_

_How long would it exist, would anything exist, if I run, if I refuse to do it?_

_A week, a day, a few hours?_

My jaw clenches in frustration.

_Yeah, no, I'll just avoid feeling anything, thanks._

The Doctor kisses me out of my darkened reverie, and I taste the sweetness on my lips through his mind. It's heavenly.

"I prefer my Firebug's Delight served this way, anyway." He murmurs, and I smile genuinely at that, the heaviness in my hearts lifting just enough to allow it.

He hums appreciatively, a grateful rumble deep in his chest, when I press my lips to his once again, running a hand up his cake-spattered front to his tie.

"Doctor," I murmur when we part, sighing deeply, "Do you believe in destiny?"

His mouth becomes a tight line.

"Depends on what you mean by destiny."

"Well, you know… Our fates are fixed. Kind of like what you said. It's not the end that matters, but how you get there. Is that because you can only change the journey, but not the journey's end?"

He looks up to the ceiling of the T.A.R.D.I.S's kitchen, mouth open, the words hesitating on his tongue.

"Sometimes that's true. Fixed points in time will always occur…" His eyes become hard, his voice bitter, and I know he's thinking of what he's managed to avoid for the past two days, just like me, "No matter how hard you try to change them. But there are some things, important things, that can be rearranged, so…"

He blinks a few times, and I taste surprise in his mind.

"I suppose I don't know if I believe in fate." He says, saying it as if he can hardly believe it, the Doctor, not knowing, "Being a Time Lord… Well, it's not exactly practical to believe in that sort of thing sometimes."

_You mean when you sometimes forget that you're not a God of Fate yourself?_

"Yeah… I guess I don't know either. I was just wondering, you know… Pondering." I say dismissively, waving my hand as if fanning the thought away, and grabbing an orange towel off the counter.

I hand it to him, and he uses it to wipe the rest of the gooey cake off of his face.

"Love it when you ponder." He says, grinning, and hands the towel to me. I can't help but laugh at that, snatching the towel from his hand and cleaning up my own face, "So, what do you say? One more before bed?"

"Yes." I say immediately, and he smirks, holding out his hand to me.

_Hell, I could go for the next 200 years straight if my body would let me. I never want it to end, and I'd keep running with him for all eternity if it meant I'd never have to face my fate…_

* * *

><p>I open the doors slowly, peeking an eye through the opening first, then the rest of my face, finally my body. The Doctor brushes past me, taking my hand as he goes, and tugs me into the apparent ship we've landed on.<p>

I keep my footsteps as muted as possible on the metal floor, listening for any signs or clues as to what we're up against.

_Who knows whose ship this is? Could be hijacked by space pirates, or Daleks, or-_

"Oh!" the Doctor shouts, turning to give me a manically gigantic grin, "You didn't ask where we were this time, I'm proud of you!"

_So much for stealth…_

"Yeah, right, because asking has never been a good idea... 'Have a sense of adventure, Evy! What's the worst that can happen, Evy?'" I say, mimicking his accent, and he squeezes my hand a bit, opening his mouth to reply, "And if you repeat either one of those sentiments, I swear I will turn right back around, march into that T.A.R.D.I.S, and leave you to whatever creatures are flying this hunk of junk."

He exhales, barely containing the snort of incredulous laughter.

"Bit cranky! Tired humans, there's no reasoning with you lot." He says, and simply leads me further into the metal room we've found ourselves in.

"I'm not human." I grumble under my breath, running my free hand over one of the gigantic wooden crates that surround us, which actually causes the T.A.R.D.I.S to blend in a bit, quite nicely, too.

"Looks like a…" He pauses, to lick one of the wooden crates, "Yep, this is probably some kind of cargo carrier, mid 7000's in your time..."

_Ugh… Who knows what alien microbes are slithering all over that thing…_

"Was the licking really necessary? What more can you possibly learn from constantly licking things?"

"Oh, lots, what can't you learn from licking something? There's the trace radioactive elements, hints of the previous environment, skin oils left from organisms to touch it, tanginess of the dust buildup tells how long it's been sitting… I wouldn't expect your sense of taste to be up to the job, though." He says, giving me a wink, and its then that a noise causes us to turn our heads.

_Kind of like… scraping? Something being dragged?_

The Doctor pulls out the sonic, his hand leaving mine to gently push me behind him, his brows furrowing into attack formation.

The scraping occurs once again, and we inch towards it, coming from around the corner of one particular gigantic wooden crate. It gets louder, and the Doctor gives me a nod, which I return, ready for anything.

We practically leap around the corner, the Doctor brandishing the sonic, and a ferocious little yell rips through my teeth.

"OH SWEET MERCIFUL LORDS OF LANGORIA!" Someone screeches, higher than even I might be able to.

My battle cry fizzles into a sort of apologetic mumble at the sight of the person cowering before me.

A reptilian creature, about our height, with scaly skin the color of obsidian. It's wearing the most ridiculous looking jump-suit, made of a tie-dye cloth that's gathered at the waist and turtle-neck, all bright yellows and blues and reds and greens. It contrasts drastically with its pitch black skin.

Its eyes are pitch black as well, and they dart from the Doctor to me quickly, so rapidly it seems unnatural to me. With its hands held over its head, crouching to the ground, tail flapping about nervously, I know for sure that it can't be a threat.

It's not even armed.

"What- P-Please! Don't shoot!" It stammers, then its eyes rest on the sonic screwdriver.

"Is that… Oh! You must be the mechanic! Just a mechanic, the one we sent for! The mechanic!" It says, letting out a few raspy breaths, and its rather long tail stops its mad writhing, "Well, why didn't you tell anyone that they beamed you in? Playing pranks in such a situation, are you insane?"

_The tail… That must have been the ominous scraping sound we reacted so strongly to… Oops._

"Yes, sorry, that's me, the mechanic. Silly old mechanic." He says, twirling the sonic in his fingers and giving me a look. I bite back my smile, "What seems to be the problem?"

"You mean, they didn't tell you?" It says, black eyes widening, tongue slithering out fretfully a few times between its sharpened teeth.

_Well, this is sounding better and better by the second._

"Course they told me, I've just got a slippery mind, must have slipped my slippery mind. Would you maybe remind me?" The Doctor says, and the creature stares at him for a moment, dumbfounded.

Then a toothy grin spreads on its snout.

"Oh, you _are_ a silly mechanic, you're joking aren't you?" It says, playfully smacking the Doctor's arm and letting out a hiccuping hiss, which I think might actually be its laugh, "Very funny. C'mon, follow me, I'll show you the, ah… leak."

_Oh, good, a leak, in a spaceship, in space, which is a vacuum. Shouldn't be a problem._

* * *

><p>The black lizard leads us out of the gigantic room of crates, which takes about fifteen minutes to do so, and then some corridors. They're lined with doors that seem to open with key-cards, each having something that looks like a credit card swipe next to it.<p>

"So, what's your name?" The Doctor asks after a bit.

"It's Rickoraxiconanoporanthrade but everyone calls me Rick." He replies, adjusting his tie-dye turtle neck

"Rick. Lovely. I'm the Doctor, this is Evy."

"Evy, what's that short for, Evyraxiconanoporanthrade?" Rick asks, and I smirk, shaking my head.

"No, it's just a nickname, for Evelyn."

"How strange..." Rick says without commenting further, though he throws a rather dubious look over his shoulder at us.

_What?! Evelyn is a normal name! Evyraxiconanoporanthrade is not!_

_"_Evy!" The Doctor says, rather loudly, so I turn to him with a start.

"What?"

"What about what?" He says, raising a brow.

"I don't know, you said my name, you tell me what about what!"

"I didn't say anything..." He says, his voice low.

"He didn't, you know." Rick says, and I wipe the confused grimace off my face before the Doctor starts snooping around my mind too much, out of concern, or curiosity...

_I heard him say my name, I know I did. I know it._

"It's in the Pod, that's what they called the control room." Rick says, bringing out a card from a pocket in his rainbow jumpsuit. It has a picture on it, but not of Rick...

It's got a picture of some kind of blue, slimy creature with a tuft of black hair jutting out of the top of its head, and tusks coming from the middle of its facial area.

"Who's _they_, exactly?" The Doctor says, his eyes resting upon the card, and Rick clears his throat, his tail flopping about a bit.

"Oh, ah... The pilots, yes, the pilots. You know how they have their own jargon and all." He says, and the door opens immediately when he swipes the card.

I put my hands in the air slowly, and the Doctor follows suit, when we find ourselves staring down the barrels of four very large, very loaded pulse rifles.

_Our favorite. Guns!_


	22. The Art of Survival

"Rick, you bloody idiot, where the hell have you been? Mucking about with stowaways?"

The rough voice belongs to a rather robust gentleman, with red skin, and hair that appears to be on fire…

_No, it is fire…_

The tie-dye jumpsuit, yet again, offsets his whole style, in my opinion. Naturally he might be terrifying but… There's just something off about the whole tie-dye thing. Everyone in the Pod is wearing them. All four of the people pointing their highly deadly guns at us are wearing these ridiculous jumpsuits.

In addition to Big Red, there's a lady with feathers covering her entire body, beautiful white and brown feathers, covered by the ugly tie-dye, and two very short guys, with greenish-yellow skin the texture of a frog's.

_I've never seen such a mismatched group of people in my entire life. And I'm not just talking about their choice of outfit…_

"Actually Igneo, no. I've found the mechanic we tricked their mothership into sending, so you're welcome." Rick says, with a smug little chortling hiss.

Everyone in the room turns their attention from us to Rick, with tired expressions. I almost feel awkward for him…

"Rick… You mean the mechanic that cannot possibly reach us without a functioning teleportation system, which we DO NOT HAVE?" Igneo thunders, and Rick scrambles backward a bit, his tail bumping my legs a few times, "Who are you people?"

Once again the guns are raised to our heads.

"We could be a mechanic, if that's what you need." The Doctor says, hands still raised, and the feathered-lady puts her gun down at that.

"Could you? Could you really, because now that you're on this ship, too, you're just as doomed as we are. If you can help…" She says, her voice chirpy and halted.

"Ralia…" Igneo says to her, his voice a deep warning.

"Well, if you'd just fill us in, maybe we could. We're good at that." I say, and Igneo lowers his gun after a while, prompting everyone else to follow the feather lady's lead.

"How did you get on the ship? I'm no engineer, but I can tell that the teleportation is shot." Igneo says, and the Doctor shakes his head, stepping forward and pushing through the odd cluster of people, to the console at the back of the Pod.

"Terrible choice of question, doesn't really matter. We're here, might as well take advantage!" He says, swiping his hand upon the touch-interface, and bringing up a few charts.

"Ooh… Igneo's right about the teleportation being shot. Looks like there was some overloading feedback on the molecular binding mechanism. What did you do?" The Doctor says, putting on his glasses and swiping to a new screen, scrutinizing it carefully.

"Well… If you couldn't tell, this isn't our ship." One of the tiny twins says, and the other nods, continuing for him.

"Yeah, see, we rerouted the beam to fix upon every organism in each ship, effectively switching the places of every living thing, replacing us with those Torgi scum. They get our old ship, we get theirs."

_Say what now?_

"Not sure I follow…" I say, and Ralia gives me a tentative little smile.

"This ship is a Torgi cargo ship, but that's not the important part. It's what it is carrying…" She says, her feathers shivering as if in great delight, "It's filled to the brim with art. Magnificent pieces, music and paintings and plasma-pools and even sculptures. They stole it... So we stole their ship."

_Art… Those big wooden crates were filled with art?_

"So lemme get this straight, you jumped a ship full of thieves... you risked your lives for a few crates full of clay and paint." I say, and everyone in this little ragtag band seems to bristle.

"And I'd do it again in a heartbeat." Igneo says.

The Doctor looks up from the screen at that, his eyes roving from person to person, in their funny little tie-dye jumpsuits.

"Artists. You lot have jumped a ship full of art, obviously stolen art, because you… are artists!" He says, laughing a bit and smiling widely, "I'd bet the T.A.R.D.I.S you're from the Lucianic Intergalactic Museum of Fine Interplanetary Arts."

"We are. Just simple artists protecting a millennia of our trade, because no one else thought it cost-effective enough to do so." Ralia says, her round eyes saddened, "The Museum denied funding to retrieve the art after the entire four million and eighth gallery was taken, by some Torgi thieves."

"So we decided to do it ourselves." The twins say together, and I suddenly feel a surge of respect for these people.

Just a bunch of passionate artists, being complete and utter fools for the thing they love above all else, the thing they'd die for.

_Sounds familiar._

"Well… That's fantastic and all, you're doing an okay job so far, except for the gigantic hole you blew in the framework of the ship's hull when you rerouted the teleportation." The Doctor says, bringing up a map of the ship.

He points to an area deep within the ship, towards the bottom.

"That's where the generator is, and this is where the blown fuse is. I can fix it, with my handy-dandy sonic screwdriver, but I'll need some help," He says, and all of the artists nod eagerly, "And I'll need you to stash the guns."

Igneo is the last to put his gun away, in a compartment under the console, and I get the impression that he rather enjoys feeling like a gun-slinging hero. Like a child playing with toy soldiers, knowing he'll never be one.

"Perfect! Now, we'll need a sheet of very sturdy metal, at least four feet by four feet… Igneo?" The Doctor says, nodding to the door, and Igneo looks a bit confused.

"Me? I don't think I understand…" He says, and the Doctor lets out an exasperated sigh.

"You're Vulkinian, aren't you? C'mon! Let's see a bit of that core temperature manipulation!" He shouts, and Igneo looks flustered, walking over to the door with uncertain steps.

"I've never used it for anything but my art…" He says, looking at his red hands, and then the door.

"What can be more artsy than saving our lives?" I interject, and the Doctor gives me a nod of agreement.

With a deep breath, Igneo places his hands on the metal door. Moments pass before the metal, amazingly begins to heat under his touch. The red heat travels from his hands to the edges of the door, melting it down to about the size the Doctor had asked for, white hot molten metal dripping to the floor.

Igneo steps to the side, and the door, or what's left of it, falls with a loud clang.

The twins break out into cheering, bringing the rest of the room with them, and Igneo takes a sweeping bow, before heaving the sheet of metal up into his beefy arms.

"Masterfully done! Bravo!" Rick yells, and it makes me smirk. We're helping a ragtag little band of artists steal back an entire ship's worth of fine art.

_Bit absurd, but I kind of like it. It's sort of poetic… If you're artsy like that, I suppose._

"Right then, down to the bottom of the hull, allons-y!" The Doctor says, swiping the screen projection into his palm and sweeping through the melted gap in the wall, sans door. He keeps his gaze on the map in his palm, leading us every which way, down stairwells, through long corridors, past several cargo bays, where the stolen art waits to be returned home.

The sheer amount of art on this ship, filling those hundreds of enormous crates… Well, it baffles me.

_How big is this museum if this is just one gallery's worth of art?_

"I still don't understand you two…" One of the twins, though I'm not sure which one, Boris or Burt, says after a while, jogging to keep up with the rest of us, "You just… pop up here, and no questions asked, decide to help us out?"

"Why is everyone so suspicious of helpful people?" The Doctor says, adjusting his glasses, and turning on his heel to lead us to the left, down a slanted corridor, "Is it so hard to believe we would want to help?"

"Well, you haven't even told us who you are or how you got here…" Igneo grunts from under the weight of the sheet of metal.

"I'm the Doctor, I'm a Time Lord, Evy's a human, we came here in our T.A.R.D.I.S as a metaphorical bedtime snack, end of story!" He says, and suddenly a hand grabs mine, the grip like fire and ice and furious steel. A jolt of nausea causes my head to spin, and I can hear what sounds like the T.A.R.D.I.S…

_Screaming. She's screaming in agony. _

I've never heard her do anything like that before, and it causes my brain to leap into a frenzy of terror, bringing my hearts with it.

I jerk my hand up, whipping around to see the empty hallway behind us, and just like that, the feeling is gone. Floated away in the matter of a fraction of a second, making me wonder if I imagined it, if it even happened at all.

"Evy, you alright? What's wrong?" The Doctor says, and I realize I've stopped completely dead in my tracks. He must have felt that jolt of fear, because the coolness of his mind is reaching out to me, laced with apprehension. Everyone is staring at me with blank, confused eyes, all except my Time Lord.

"Um… I'm fine, probably just vertigo. I haven't been sleeping… We should keep… moving…" I say, my words coming out in a halted, slow and stuttering sort of way, the same as my thoughts seem to be forming.

_What._

_The…_

_What?_

I tear my eyes from the empty hallway, searching for the source of… whatever had just happened, even after I turn my body away.

The Doctor's eyes are still on me, his mind hovering over my own, but I give him a confident nod and wave his consciousness away from my own.

He doesn't have time to consider the odd behavior, because the hallway suddenly lurches around us, and we tumble onto the wall to our right. It takes several seconds for the ship to right itself, and for the frightened screams of the artists to desist.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Igneo shouts, shoving the metal off of poor Ralia, who found herself stuck under the heavy door, and helping her up.

The Doctor adjusts his skewed glasses, and tosses the screen from his palm into the air, where it hovers. He swipes a few commands, and brings up an environmental scan, where another ship can be seen outside of ours. It's a gigantic thing, not as big as the cargo ship, but big enough to cause a ruckus for sure.

"That's our old ship! It's the Torgi, what do we do?! They're going to board manually, any second now!" Rick shouts, his tail thumping the ground in a rapid rhythm.

"One problem at a time! Everyone run, we have to hurry!" The Doctor shouts, helping one of the twins up, and leading the charge down the hallway once more. Our feet pound desperately against the metal, more of a race against time than ever.

I catch a glimpse of the screen in the Doctor's palm, and see that there are now little pods shooting out of the other ship, just about ten of them, heading our way.

_What an exciting bedtime snack this is turning out to be…_


	23. Laceration

**A/N**

**Hello my lovelies! I just feel like talking to you, so feel free to skip this if you don't feel like reading whatever I'm about to blather on about...**

**I don't know, I'm just so glad to have some free time to write for you guys. It's such a weight off my heart to be able to write... Maybe I shouldn't be a scientist, and instead should be a writer? Then I wouldn't have to take all these crappy classes, like Genetics and Quantum Physics and Biochemistry and Physiology... That might be nice...**

**I do love science though, I'm such a little nerd about it. I get so excited... Ugh, I don't know. **

**College is a time where your life feels like its falling apart at the seams, when in actuality it's being sewn together, so slowly and painstakingly that it's impossible for you to see it happening. **

**You want to be doing anything but living the life you're living. You want to travel and learn about the world and its inhabitants, you want to get out and see what Earth has to offer, even if you have to do it alone... But you can't. You just can't.**

**Anyway, that's my rambling for the night. Prepare yourselves for this one... ;]**

**Thank you SOO much to all who have reviewed, such as evilpinklollipop (my ever-sturdy rock from the very start of TGS :D), Wings of Dread(you seriously rock my socks and crack me up! :0 :0 :0), and OwlKeeper186(you're so sweet omg thank you for being you :D :D)**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**

* * *

><p>"We have about… Oh, just as a quick guess, eleven minutes!" The Doctor yells, his coat flapping wildly behind him as he rounds what seems to be the last corner before the generator room.<p>

"Eleven minutes?! Until what?" Ralia says, and we all stumble as the ship rocks once again, just slightly enough to throw us off balance.

_I bet that was them boarding… The Torgi, our newest friends._

"Until the entire ship reaches a point of air decompression, at which point, one of two things could happen. One, we run out of oxygen…"

He tosses the screen over his shoulder and leads us through a doorway, the last doorway, to the generator room. It's full to the brim with hissing, groaning mechanical equipment, and something else, something very interesting. It's a ball of light, flashing yellow and green and blue light, trapped inside an orb, sitting connected to many pipes and tubes, smack dab in the center of the room.

"What's the second option?" Rick asks, and the Doctor wastes no time, leading us past the orb of light without so much as a glance at it, towards the back of the room.

"The second option is that the rapid decompression causes spontaneous implosion of the entire ship." He says, and I notice a slight breeze on my skin at that moment, gentle at first, but it picks up speed when I hear a metallic screeching coming from behind a myriad of pipes. We duck under it to see the source of our distress.

A gaping, sparking hole in the hull of the ship, through which a nice chunk of deep space can be seen. The air in the ship is flowing out at an increasingly alarming rate. As we get closer to it, the Doctor has to take off his glasses, for fear of them flying out. My hair whips around my face violently, and a few feathers twirl off of Ralia, disappearing into the deep black.

"Igneo! Hold the metal over the hole while I fix the fuse!" The Doctor shouts over the roar of air, and Igneo nods, heaving the sheet of metal over his head. He inches closer and closer to the edge of deep space, coughing a bit from the lack of oxygen near it. Suddenly, the metal is yanked from his hands by the force of the vacuum, landing with a clank over the hole. It groans and creaks under the force of holding the air in, unsealed.

The Doctor dashes over to the sparking pipe over the hole, working on it over his head with the sonic. He's so close to the hole, anxiety wells up in my stomach, causing me to nervously gnaw on the inside of my mouth.

_If that metal doesn't hold…_

The creaking grows a little louder.

"Doctor…" I say, and he shakes his head.

"I can fix it." He says, and I roll my eyes, gritting my teeth, "I only need a minute!"

_In a ship about to implode by decompression, is a broken teleport fuse really that important?_

The metal begins to sag outward, and I hear the hiss of air escaping.

"This isn't working… We're goners. Kaput. Done!" Rick laments, throwing his scaly hands up in panic.

"Igneo, use your heat manipulation to weld the edges to the hull." I say, and Igneo nods, bravely approaching the hole once more to duck around the Doctor and place his hands on it.

But as soon as the heat reaches the edges, the metal gives way, and Igneo lurches forward, being dragged by the air towards almost certain death. The Doctor grips the sparking pipe and my hearts drop into my stomach when his body lifts, straining towards the hole, towards where no living thing can abide…

A string of very bad words leaves my lips, and I cautiously make my way towards the hole, desperately clawing around my mind, searching for the familiar twinge of pain.

Igneo's footing gives way then, and he tumbles out into space without so much as a yelp.

"Igneo!" I hear Ralia shout, and before I even know what's happening, I hear the sound of ripping cloth, and when I turn to her, my eyes nearly bug out of my head.

_How the heck did you even hide those?_

Her tie-dye jumpsuit is in shreds at her feet and behind her, magnificent tawny wings are folded as she leaps towards the hole. With one powerful stroke of her wings, she is out in space, clutching onto Igneo. Without air for her wings to work against, she ends up just flapping pitifully towards the ship, not moving an inch.

_They'll die. In a matter of seconds, they will both die. They'll suffocate, but before that, they'll boil in their own skins. Igneo might live longer, being Vulkinian, but Ralia…_

I grasp at the migraine as I inch carefully towards the Doctor, and use every ounce of it to reach out to the pair of dying artists, compressing the escaping air molecules around Ralia.

With the air to work with, her wings propel her and Igneo back into the ship, and the second their feet touch the floor, they fall to their knees, crawling to safety. Once they're safe-ish, I turn my attention to my stubborn, thick-headed Time Lord, who is hanging on for dear life. I notice his fingers slipping on the pipe.

"Doctor!" I scream over the furious whirlwind of air, and he looks over his shoulder, his eyes wide.

_No, this isn't how it's supposed to happen. This can't be right._

_I'm the one who dies, not him._

_Not him._

My mind reels, scrambling to find my migraine again. Except... There is nothing to tap into. I've used it all, saving Ralia and Igneo...

_Oh, God... Please._

Suddenly a green, fleshy tongue attaches itself to the Doctor, and I turn to see that Burt, or maybe Boris, also apparently has a secret. His strangely colored tongue has latched onto the Doctor's arm, wrapping itself around the whole thing, and Boris, or maybe Burt, is tugging his brother back, helping to drag the Doctor away from the hole.

_Oh, clever frog-people! So very clever!_

Immediately I stumble my way over to them, wrapping my arms around Boris, or maybe Burt, and pulling back with as much strength as I can manage. Igneo and Ralia manage to grab onto us, and with the four of us, we wrench the Doctor away from the gaping hole of death.

"It didn't work! What do we do?" Rick shouts, and the Doctor steadies himself, detaching Burt's, or maybe Boris's tongue from his arm, and points to the still-sparking pipe.

"No, I'm going to fix it!" He yells, and starts heading towards it once again.

_You've got to be kidding me._

I snatch his hand, and when he looks at me, I glare at him furiously.

"You're not dying just to fix a blown fuse. We're leaving. If we run fast enough we can make it to our T.A.R.D.I.S, all of us." I shout, but his eyes darken to amber venom, and he shakes his head.

"My T.A.R.D.I.S, understand?" He shouts, yanking his hand out of mine, and I jerk my head back in surprise, as if he'd slapped me, "That fuse is for forcefield functionality _and_ teleportation, but you're all too simple to have figured that out."

He squares himself in front of me, hands clenched so tight his knuckles show, the wind blowing through his hair, and I swear I'm witnessing a vengeful God possess the man I love. He bares his teeth in unprovoked fury, and yet… his eyes seem a little unfocused, confused.

His mind... It feels like he's in pain, but he's not giving any indication of it.

"That is why I'm in charge. You don't give me orders, I tell you what's going to happen, and that's that." He shouts, letting his glare linger on me, before he continues in his trek towards the pipe, sonic in hand.

_Excuse me?_

Shivers run up my spine, the blur of dizziness clouding my vision once again, worse than before.

_That wasn't my Doctor. No…_

_That was the Time Lord Victorious._

A spike of nausea causes my skin to become clammy and my breathing to hitch.

"Doctor!" I shout, but he doesn't turn to look at me. Instead he pauses, a hand to his forehead. And then he has dropped the sonic.

It bounces on the floor once, and then flies out into the void of space, lost.

He shakes his head as if in great pain, his hands rising to press against his temples.

_Something is wrong. Something is very wrong. _

"Doctor." I say weakly, taking a few steps in his direction. The next thing I know, he has dropped to his knees, limp, and is being pulled out into the vacuum.

"What's happening?!" Ralia shouts, but I can barely hear her through the pounding of my four-beat pulse in my ears. I lurch forward, the world tumbles, and my vision is suddenly full of blackness and stars.

We've tumbled out through the hole, careening into space with nothing to stop us, nothing... Just nothing.

_No, none of this is supposed to happen! How is this possible?_

I can see the Doctor, his coat suspended eerily as he floats away from me, the laces of his trainers like white fingers curling up into the darkness. He's still as death.

I try to wiggle my way towards him, my lungs starting to burn and my body heating to a concerning degree.

_No, I have to die, I need to die, for him, for my parents, for the universe… Not like this._

A flash of blue, the deepest brightest blue, out of the corner of my eye almost distracts me from the last thing I notice, before the blackness starts to lay me down to sleep.

_The stars._

Yes, the stars…

They're going out, blinking out of existence, one by one…

_The stars..._

A hand reaches for mine, pulling me away from the Doctor, as he glides into the endless void.

_The blackness..._


	24. Renaissance

The screaming rouses me from a sleep so deep, I feel as though I've been slam dunked into a gigantic bucket of ice water. It starts out as a distant yell, a buzzing in my head, and then escalates into a piercing, blood-curdling scream that has me sitting straight up, breathing heavily.

_It's the T.A.R.D.I.S._

_I'm in the T.A.R.D.I.S._

_She's screaming, what's with the screaming?_

I want to put my hands over my ears, but I know that would simply not work.

I heave myself up off the metal grating and bound to the console, my eyes immediately assessing the damage.

One of the levers on the navigation panel is gone, and in its place, a hunk of sparking wires. To the left of it, a knob's been bent so badly that it had fractured, like a broken bone. The jagged piece of metal has blood on it…

_The Doctor would never do this to the T.A.R.D.I.S though…_

I run my hand soothingly over the edge of the console, hoping it might calm her, get her to stop screaming. It's driving me mad.

_Hush, it's okay, it's just a few broken pieces! We can fix it, the Doctor will…_

_The Doctor._

A quick jolt of panic jerks my entire body into action.

_Please._

I rush to the doors, and yank them open, seeing that we're orbiting a star, one I don't recognize, by the size and color… Rings of gas and stardust surround it, three rings.

_The ship is gone, completely gone. Ralia and Igneo and Rick and Boris and Burt… All gone._

_He's gone._

My Doctor, surely nearly dead by now, floating through space forever. Alone, just as he never wanted to be.

His mind is still there, though I can't see him, I can feel his mind, somehow a bit different than before… Full of confusion and pain and fury.

A sob escapes my heaving chest, my head shaking in denial as I back away from the doors, away from the infinite void I've lost him to.

_This isn't right. It's not supposed to be like this, the drone said it wouldn't be like this!_

_Why? Why did you save me and not him? _

The T.A.R.D.I.S's screams are becoming so incredibly loud that it takes all my willpower not to scream with her. I clamp my hands over my ears, and although it doesn't do a damn thing to help, it makes me feel like I'm doing at least something to drown our the maddening noise.

"What is the matter with you? Is it because you let him die? Because for some messed up reason, you decided I was more fucking important? Well you're not the only one who's mourning, you… stupid machine!" I shout, kicking the chair that sits near the console, shutting my eyes tightly against the welling of tears, my head beginning to throb, "I… Shit."

The pain swells in my hearts.

_It should have been me._

_I screwed this up somehow. _

_It should have been me..._

When I open my eyes, a doorway has appeared. It's not the bedroom wing, or one I recognize. It's wider and shorter, off to the side of our bedroom's doorway.

I stare at it for just a second, before the pain turns to hope.

I send tendrils of my consciousness out, expanding my mind to search for a more concrete source of the Doctor's cool pain and agony…

_He's still there… He hasn't died yet._

_What if he isn't dying at all? What if the T.A.R.D.I.S did save him?_

I run towards it, and through the doorway, and the moment I do, I wish I hadn't.

The innermost secret of the T.A.R.D.I.S, something I've only seen once, through a tiny scuffed up window.

_"It's an exploding star, and any second it'll become a black hole. The Eye of Harmony, harnessed by the T.A.R.D.I.S for helping to power her engine more efficiently."_

That's what he had said, when he showed me. I'd asked to go in.

_"Never. Not unless you absolutely have to, because energy like that… Well, a human body isn't up to the task of withstanding liquification…"_

I turn on my heel, my body tensed to run back into the console room, only to smack into a solid wall. The T.A.R.D.I.S has trapped me in here, taken away my closest exit.

_Masochistic, homicidal hunk of murderous metal…_

"Are you insane? You let him die, now you're killing me? Let me out!" I screech, banging my palms upon the solid metal of the once-door. The wall is hot, and vibrating intensely. The T.A.R.D.I.S just screams louder over the roar of the star to my right, burning forevermore in the bowels of the T.A.R.D.I.S.

My gaze stays fixed upon it for a moment, as a flare rears up from the ball of burning gas, a display of power and beauty…

_This can't be happening. The T.A.R.D.I.S has lost her mind, she's turned on us or something!_

I rip my eyes away from the Eye of Harmony when they start to sting, drying out much too quickly. I look across the catwalk I find myself on, to the other side of this impossible room. There's the door, the one with the window I'd looked through a lifetime ago.

_If I can just get to it…_

I begin to spring across the bridge of pulsating metal, and it's almost as if time stutters, hiccups for just a moment, because I'm there in under a second. I throw my hands up in front of me, to cushion the collision as I find myself running into the door.

_Okay… Bit disorienting…_

One moment I'm on one side of the bridge, a quarter of a mile away, and the next, I'm standing right in front of that door.

_That isn't normal, and when a time traveler says that, you know it's pretty serious…_

My hands fumble with the handle, twitching against the heat of it before yanking it open.

I sweep through the open door and slam it shut with the force of my whole body, heaving a sigh of frustration.

_I don't understand what's gotten in to you, or why, or what's happening…_

I have a mere millisecond to be relieved before I take in the sight before me.

A gigantic cylindrical… thing, with a width of around sixty feet, and a height of infinity. It rises into whiteness, with a bulbous metal center, the core. It pulses gold and bright white from a single cut in it, causing me to shield my eyes.

And there he stands.

My Doctor, alive and breathing, air in his lungs and a beat to his hearts, his back to me.

"Doctor!" I shout over the screams of the T.A.R.D.I.S, starting towards him with a relieved smile upon my lips.

I can only see his silhouette through the bright glare of the golden light in front of him, but I know he doesn't turn to me, doesn't acknowledge my presence in the slightest.

"Doctor!" I shout over the screams of the T.A.R.D.I.S, starting towards him with a relieved smile upon my lips.

I stop dead in my tracks.

_I already did that. _

_Time is all wrong…_

"Doctor, what's happening?" I shout as I get closer to him, blinking against the light coming from the core.

"What's happening is me saving your life, no thanks to you," He growls, and turns his face to me, hands still reaching inside the core, where the golden light is bursting from. My veins turn to ice with the shock of fear, my stomach churns with nausea, "Get back. Now."

His forehead is smeared with a bit of blood, and when he reaches for the sonic in his pocket, I see that it's his own. His hand has a deep gash in it, and it's then that I put two and two together.

_He's the one who mauled the console, he's the one who hurt her, made the T.A.R.D.I.S scream._

And his eyes… They're not his, they're not the usual dark honey, laced with kindness and love and the slightest hint of vulnerability.

_No._

They're a furious, pulsing gold, wisps of leaked Time rising from his irises and being sucked back into the hole in the core.

He's the Oncoming Storm, the Time Lord Victorious, the Destroyer of Worlds, and he has never seemed so alien to me. This is so much worse than any nightmare I've had of him like this. I want to scream, I want to slap him, I want to break down and cry.

When he takes in the terror on my face, his teeth clench tightly, and he turns his attention back to his work.

"What have you…" I say, unable to continue, my voice tremulous as I watch his movements.

He brings the sonic up to the top of the fissure in the core, pressing it to the metal and pushing it upwards.

The T.A.R.D.I.S screams in further agony, louder than ever before, and the fissure opens wider, more gold light escaping it.

"What are you doing?!" I shout, launching my hand up to his, to stop him, to make sure he can't hurt the T.A.R.D.I.S anymore.

_Can't he hear her? Doesn't he hear the torture he's putting her through?!_

His free hand connects with my chest, and I'm propelled backwards so suddenly that it leaves me reeling, physically and mentally.

_How did he do that?! He's not that strong, yet he barely touched me and I was tossed like a rag doll._

After watching me sprawl onto the white floor, with those fiery, Time-diseased eyes of his, devoid of any recognizable emotion, he reaches into the core, and the T.A.R.D.I.S screeches once more, over and over as if on repeat.

_What is he doing to her? To Time itself?_

I get up to try again, this time laying my consciousness over his to try and convince him to stop. If I can't do it physically, maybe I can this way…

His thoughts confuse me, full of technology and information being utilized that I don't understand.

_Reroute the temporal capacitors to just the right frequency, and the stabilizers should be able to kick in, maintain and contain the leak._

_It'll leave a bit of a rip, but that's alright, a hole's just a hole, doesn't mean anything comes from it, just a hole, a tear, just a thing. It'll be fine._

I can feel it in the back of his head…

He knows he's lying to himself.

_It's not going to be fine._

It's then that I know what this means...

That's the hole the Time Lords come through, and that's the cause of his death, his regeneration…

_It's useless…_

I halt in my journey to stop the mad Time Lord, take a step back and place a hand on the core as the breath leaves my lungs in one big resignation…

There's nothing I can do to stop him, to undo what's been done. He has ripped the T.A.R.D.I.S, his beloved ship and only constant companion throughout nearly a thousand years, open, rendered her to pieces, and forced her to obey him, the Time Lord Victorious. It's killing her, but she's trying, she's trying her best, because she knows she has to.

_Or the Destroyer of Worlds becomes the Destroyer of Universes._

As soon as my skin connects with the core, the Doctor whips his head towards me, shouting something, but I don't comprehend what he's saying.

I can feel the energy shredding its way through the electrical pathways in my brain, and suddenly my eyes are blind to the world.

I see things that never happened, things that could have happened, things that have happened, things that will happen… A thousand million versions of myself, of the Doctor, in the form of timelines.

It's like a root system, each tendril sprouting from a choice, and its so vast and unending, that I struggle to comprehend it, to uphold the weight of it all in my mind.

_The Doctor and I running from creatures I've never met before in my life, tall shadowy creatures with a hundred tentacles, ones I should have recognized had I ever encountered them._

_Me sitting in an apartment on a blue couch next to a broad-shouldered man I've never seen before, reading a book I've never heard of, with a belly so big, so undeniably pregnant, that it seems impossible for reasons beyond the obvious._

_The Doctor's lips trailing down my bare stomach, his hands greedily appreciating the curve of my waist, a memory I distinctly know to be a true one._

"Let it go, Evy! I can't do this again, I can't lose you!" I hear the Doctor shout through all the Time in my mind, and I feel the coolness of him trying to extract it, but I refuse to obey.

_I need to understand._

I see the things that will happen. They flash with a certain finality that lets me know I've failed to do anything to stop the future from happening. In fact… I've caused it. It's been me from the start, this hole in the universe.

_It has always been me._

The race I saved from extinction, the Vinvocci, will bring the Immortality Gate to him...

To the Master.

I see him using it to lure the Doctor to his death event. The Time Lords. The Doctor. The Master.

_The universe lives on, but my Doctor dies. Just as I had tried so hard to prevent, and in doing so, have caused…_

It all hurts so much, causes my body to shake uncontrollably with shock, but I latch onto it like my life depends on it. I need to understand why this is all happening.

"Evy, _please_! I love you, please!" I hear the Doctor's panicked voice, "You're human, as much as you deny it, you're human, and you can't do this, you have to let it go!"

_I can't._

_I need to see._

But it proves to be too painful, and I have to allow his coolness to come between me and the burning touch of the timelines He extricates them from me, takes them into his own vast consciousness, and I feel him go to work repairing the damage in my mind after he returns the Lost Times to the core.

After a while, I can feel myself, this self in this timeline, where it's supposed to be at the moment.

_No, no no no, where it's not supposed to be. I'm not supposed to be here. The T.A.R.D.I.S was right to scream._

After that, I can feel my body, all my senses.

I can feel his trembling fingers on the sides of my head, pressing into my temples.

I can feel my lungs taking in breath once more, no longer frozen by the fruits of the Doctor's meddling.

"You cracked open the core of the T.A.R.D.I.S." I mutter once my eyes have stopped rolling into the back of my head periodically, "You forced her to come to my timeline, an alternate timeline, forced her to let you take me. And for what? I'm not your Evy. I'm not the real Evy, don't you understand? Your Evy is dead already."

Tears are streaming down my cheeks and into my loose hair, and my eyes finally focus on him, hovering above me. The disease has left his eyes, and behind him, the fissure in the core is sealing itself up, nearly done.

The T.A.R.D.I.S isn't screaming anymore.

"You killed my Doctor. He's dead in that alternate timeline, alone forever in the dead of space, because of you. Because you broke the rules." I say, sitting up and pushing myself away from him, the imagery my words conjure up causing a sob to wrack my whole body.

"I'm the Doctor! You _are_ my Evy, you're here, and you're alive. You belong here. With me." He says, his eyes pleading with mine to agree, to understand. He looks terrified, as if I am some wrathful goddess who could destroy him with the flick of the wrist, "That timeline never happened now. I've made it that way, I've looped the feed so that the continuance of this timeline isn't affected, it'll be alright."

But his eyes betray him.

_He knows what he has done._

"You're wrong." I say, my voice shattering like glass upon concrete as tears continue to pour from my eyes, "I did it for you. I was going to do it for you, for the universe. Don't you understand? The drone was helping me and that was the deal. It saves our universe, in exchange for the pain of my death. You might have avoided risking the universe, but now... You've gone and sent the whole thing into motion!"

_Is this good enough? Will the drone still hold up its end of the deal?_

His throat bobs as he swallows thickly, his wide eyes reddening, and he shakes his head slowly.

"You don't know what it was like, watching you die. What if I did that to you? What if I just slit my own throat right here, right in front of you, and you knew there was theoretically a way to save me?" He says, his hand reaching out to touch my arm, his fingers leaving goosebumps on my skin, "Wouldn't you try?"

I pause at that, my mind tentatively touching that possibility.

"It's wrong, Doctor. All you had to do was trust me, trust that I knew what needed to be done, but you just couldn't do that. No, the Doctor knows what's best, the Doctor has to make the decisions." I say, hanging my head and pressing my hands into my forehead as it starts to throb, "It's just like when you abandoned me. You decided it was best, so you just went ahead and did it, without any concern for anyone else!"

I stand up abruptly, leaving him looking bereft and small on the white floor of this hellish place.

"The drone was right about you, you know." I say, a few more tears escaping my eyes, "After all, a noble man doesn't risk the lives of every single living creature in this universe just so he doesn't have to be alone."

I watch him for a moment, watch as his chest rises and falls a little quicker, watch as his eyes widen and the hurt in them augments.

And then I fall to my knees, lights flashing behind my eyes, the room suddenly spinning. He's up in a flash, next to me.

"The gap in events, it's causing your brain to misfire, your whole body to rebel." He says, and I feel his hands on my body, helping to support me, "It'll pass. You might be a little scrambled for a while though."

"You-" I grit out, searching for him, and my fists tighten onto the fabric of his coat as muddled recollections whirl their way through my consciousness , "You- Did this."

He doesn't say anything, still as stone for a moment, as memories that I shouldn't have push their way to the surface of my mind.

_I remember when we helped to build Thraxion, the city of living metal, the day before I died, and the metalworker had told me something that made me reconsider my decision to go with the drone's plan._

_"Life is so fragile, so delicate… I hope you appreciate every day of yours, and fight for it with every ounce of courage in your body, because some people don't get that privilege." He had said._

_Wait, no, I didn't die. We didn't do any of that, I never met the metalworker…_

_What about the Torgi and the art, and Ralia and Igneo and... Did none of that happen in this timeline?_

_I'm not supposed to be here._

"I can help. I can bridge the gap with my own memories." The Doctor says, and I nod after a moment of indecision. I let him push me to the floor gently, laying me on my side, and I feel him lay next to me, face to face. He hesitates before pressing his forehead to mine. I let out a gasp when our connection amplifies exponentially, so much so that I can feel every heated panting breath of mine as they kiss his lips, I can feel what he feels, and see what he sees.

I see myself, so very close, with unseeing eyes, squinted in confusion, darting to and fro as they follow the images of memories I never had.

"Relax, love." He murmurs, and I can't help the unfurling of tight muscles and flutter of joy in my stomach, being so close to him.

No matter how angry I am with him for doing this, for undoing all my hard work, for being so blunderingly selfish, I can't help it.

I can't help being happy that I'm here, that I'll still be here for a long while, that I, this version of me, will never have to experience the terror of self-destruction.

_I can't help being thankful._

_And I can't help but think we'll find a way out of this mess, just as we always do..._

He hears every bit of that sentiment, and relief soars in his hearts.

_You'll forgive me_, he thinks, and I want to disagree, I want to throw every furious thought I have at him.

I'm still so incredibly confused, and grieved at losing my timeline's Doctor, and my entire mind is a gigantic knot of chaos because of him...

But I can't do it. He must be affecting my emotions. He is full Time Lord, after all, and I'm just a mutt, so much mentally weaker than he is, even at his worst.

_It's not me, that's all you, feeling all warm and fuzzy..._ I hear his thoughts echo, tasting like a grin, and I wish above everything that I could swat him across the head.

"Brace yourself." He says out loud, and then he reaches back into his memories, and we start to remember.

Together.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**AHHH alright so this one was a difficult chapter to write. So much happens, and I'm concerned about ya'll being confused... I did my best, but you guys let me know if you don't understand what the holy hopping hell is happening here lol**

**It's very Moffat of me, I know (ugh)... Alternate timelines, alternate selves, but it was fun to write anyways, and it's what the story demanded of me! I'm a slave to my own story, imagine that...**

**Anyhoo, lemme know what you thought. Don't worry, there will be like four or five more chapters... And then of course, I'll be writing some drabbles in BTGS, sooooo that'll be fun.**

**Lots of love,**

**-A.**


	25. In Another Life

**A/N**

**Holy crap you guys I am so sorry I took so long to update, life has been crazy and I've been crazy and I wish I could be better for you guys! Lemme explain a little so you guys know where I'm coming from.**

**I have S.A.D, Seasonal Affected Disorder, or basically seasonal depression, in the fall/winter months, which is why I typically write in the summer and spring. Sometimes I can't bring myself to write something that isn't total crap. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to write at all, so even when I did have free time this past month, it was mostly spent forcing myself to do homework I didn't care about or in bed staring at the wall. Which sucks, but I'm good at this whole depression thing.**

**Okay well maybe not good, who's good at depression? But I'm good at getting through it just fine, because it comes every year, and I can brace myself, and I know the reason why I feel the way I feel, which is more than a lot of people with depression can say, so at least I have that right?**

**Also I just got an internship at a clinic so there's that, too. Hooray! I love it, and it's amazing.**

**Just wanted to thank you guys for bearing with me, and apologize for taking forever to update.**

**Lots of Love,**

**A.**

_**Previously: A different version of the Doctor stole Evy from her timeline, effectively destroying that alternate universe for good. Now he is trying to connect the two timelines in order to mend the tear in the fabric of reality that he and T.A.R.D.I.S must work together to close. Evy's mind is rebelling against this unnatural turn of events, and the Doctor kills two birds with one stone, by showing her the timeline she missed while he mends it.**_

_**Okay, everyone on board? Good.**_

_**Allons-y!**_

* * *

><p>"Ready to witness the birth of a new age?" I hear the Doctor say to me, the me standing in front of him that is, and she tucks her chin to give me an impish smirk, her dark hair falling forward to frame her face.<p>

She seems… I seem strangely more beautiful, as I watch myself through the Doctor's eyes, through his memory of me, as lucid as the day it happened.

_Okay, this is disorienting._

_At least I can't feel the pain anymore. It must be working…_

"It's a bit scary, the thought of having one computer control an entire city," She says.

"Right, but it's the very first one! Forging new ideas in the flame of uncertainty, that's what you humans are all about, yeah?" I say, holding out my hand for her, no, the Doctor's hand, and she takes it, as always.

"So it would seem… Would you do the honors, Mr. Doctor?" She says, nodding to the doors.

"My pleasure, Miss Crenshaw." I say, and she chuckles, the hiccupping sound much more endearing than I remember, as I sweep both of us through the doors, and into the grey light of Earth's future.

I can't hear the Doctor's thoughts as I expected I might, which is a blessing. I imagine he's recalling all the times he's been here, all the things that have happened and will happen on Earth in the next thousand years, and I honestly think I would burn up if I had to hear that right now.

_It makes sense though, the rules of our memory-sharing._

_After all, when one recalls a memory, it's not often that you think of your exact thoughts, it's mostly images and sounds and smells. _

_Things that are thankfully easy for my poor beaten and bruised brain to process._

"At least they're trying." I mutter, pausing to gaze upwards at an enormous skyscraper, taller than my eyes can follow, a residential building by the looks of it.

"Trying what?" Evy says, coughing a bit and waving her hand in front of her face as if that will clear the smog, "To suffocate us? What is this? The atmosphere's changed, or something?"

"Pollution, but they're trying to fix it. This human technology, it's like striking flint on dry wood, and then being surprised when there's smoke!" I say in the Doctor's voice, gesturing around us. I watch alternate Evy take in the elevated monorails, the remotely controlled air-traffic, the fact that there are no people walking on the streets.

Not a single human is walking.

"Where is everyone?" She says, emotion flitting through her hazel eyes when she looks at me for answers.

I jerk my chin upwards, and she looks to all the machinery above us, moving to and fro and back and forth, the veins and nerves of the city.

"There, in those tin cans, full of humans and full of fossil fuels. Well… They're not full of fossil fuels technically, they're just powered by the computer which is powered by the generators that are powered by fossil fuels… What's the difference, though, really?" I say, and she seems puzzled, her brow furrowing ever so slightly.

"What's wrong with cars? Or bikes, or mopeds, or… the streets?" She says, and I lead us onward, into the concrete jungle.

If this alternate Evy is anything like me, she's cringing inside.

I've never particularly liked cities, but this is like industrialization on crack. All these rails above empty, soot-blackened streets, weaving their way through the stiflingly congested buildings.

"Tokyo in this time is all about fashion and fuel efficiency. It's not 'cool' to be down here anymore. Makes you seem like a bit of an ill-mannered idiot, ignoring the planet's ongoing pollution crisis. They think the rails are fuel-efficient, which they are, more-so than cars and buses and trucks and such. Still bad, but better. To them, cars are a thing of the past. But so is walking. Why walk when you can sit, right?"

"Doctor, I don't know if this…" Evy says, tugging backward on my hand, and when I see the expression on her face… The Doctor couldn't have known, but I know.

I know this is her last day. Maybe even her last hours.

"It's just my… Um… I don't think I want to see this, it's kind of disturbing to me, really." She says, shrugging when I raise a brow at her.

"They'll be alright, your humans! You know that, you've seen the colonies!" I say, but her expression doesn't budge.

"I know… I just don't feel like seeing it today. Maybe some other time," She says, her eyes dropping to the cracked concrete at that, "I feel like going somewhere new and fresh."

"New and fresh, huh?"

She hums, nodding with her eyes still on the ground, "I just need… New."

The Doctor... I squeeze her hand, understanding so completely that it resonates deep into my mind and soul.

_She's terrified, look at her. Absolutely terrified for what she knows will happen, and so am I. _

_I don't want to see this, I'm scared, too. I don't want to see my own death, I don't want to._

_Please, I don't want to._

* * *

><p>I force my eyes to see, my brain to come back into itself, and the pain in my head is excruciating at this point.<p>

"You're not helping, you stupid man." I grit out, pressing my hands against his chest and pushing with all my meager strength. Once I've scooted away from him, I try to stagger to my feet, only to find myself back on the floor. It's cold against my cheek.

I can see the core of the T.A.R.D.I.S. pulsing strangely from my sprawl on the floor, and violently, faster and faster and brighter, until the room lurches, and causes me to roll back towards the Doctor. It's like she's vomiting time, the way tendrils of light burst forth from the core whenever her strength seems to wane.

_Images. So many images that don't make sense._

With a jolt, I realize that I'm remembering things from this timeline, this Doctor's timeline, that never happened in my own, once again.

I see myself and the Doctor, dancing at some kind of party, shyly at first, until the Doctor places his hands upon my waist. I can feel my cheeks become hot, my blood boiling. The Doctor seems surprised at his own behavior, as if his hands had a mind of their own.

And then it's a different scene, quite different. I'm crying, and when I look up, so is the Doctor. He's crying, why is he crying? Those silent tears that have always killed me inside to even consider him shedding… He nods his head in understanding, gently bringing my head back to his shoulder.

_They hurt. I shouldn't be here._

I see myself treading water, shouting for the Doctor, shouts that quickly turn into screams of horror when I feel a cold slime upon my ankle. I'm pulled under, deeper and deeper under the light of the waves above me, and in the darkness below, I see black tentacles snaking up towards me.

_I shouldn't be here._

"Evy, you have to let me work. If I don't make the connection between your timelines, the T.A.R.D.I.S will tear herself apart trying to save you, to keep you here, and this universe will collapse on itself. Maybe even bring other universes with it." The Doctor says, and to accentuate his point, the room shakes so violently, my head bangs itself upon the hard stone floor.

_Didn't stop you from destroying my universe, did it? You didn't care!_ I want to scream. But instead a sob comes out.

"I don't want to- to see- I can't, please don't make me, I'm so afraid." I say, tears leaking from my sore eyes.

_I wish I had just died with my Doctor, floated out into the void with him._

When I look at this Doctor, this strange Doctor with memories I haven't shared yet, one who would sacrifice an entire alternate universe just to have me back, selfish and loving and lonely just like mine, I can't help but give in. I close my eyes against the tears.

_I know he has to, and I know I have to._

I feel hands on the sides of my face, and just like that the pain is gone, and I'm back as a third wheel, in a timeline where I don't exist.

* * *

><p>"Welcome to Thraxion, dubbed the City of Living Metal by the Plergeen, the indigenous species of this planet. Both new and fresh!"<p>

Gazing at the city around her, she looks unimpressed, this alternate me.

"Why did they call it that? Another big computer wired into everything?" She says, and her tone makes me think she has given in to letting the Doctor have his way with her last few hours.

He's brought her to another city, albeit a little less grungy and terrifying than Tokyo's future, but a city nonetheless…

"Well, when you say it like that…" I mutter, and she lets out a breath, sliding her arm through mine, the weight of it pleasant in the crook of my arm.

"Why here, then?" She says, and I can't help the grin that forces itself onto my face.

_Literally, I can't help it. I'm stuck in this memory, doing whatever the Doctor had done. It's frustrating, having no control over what I do._

"You'd rather be on some foresty type planet. Level Two's are your favorite, I get that and I understand that nature is lovely and pretty and the most perfect machine that will ever exist…" I say, and she nods, seeming to be in adamant agreement, "But… People can make things almost as perfect, and that is just wonderful."

I see the green in her eyes, so much deeper than I see through my own in the mirror, sparkle ever so slightly when she finally gives in to a smirk.

"Yes, alright, I have to admit people of many kinds can make many kinds of amazing things, your motto, right?" She says, taking in the environment properly at last.

It must seem almost familiar to her, as it does to me. Everything is shaped the same, nothing too crazy for our standards. The people in the city aren't too different from humans, and she doesn't seem to be having her mind boggled.

I can't help but wonder why he brought alternate Evy here.

"Evy…" I say, leaning my head down, knowing the Doctor is trying to contain his enthusiasm by whispering, "Everything in this city, and I mean everything, is made with Trenzalorian copper. Silvery, warm to the touch due to high electric activity, coated in a naturally occurring oxidized insulator that makes it entirely safe-"

"Did you say Trenzalore? Sounds familiar, have we been there?" She interrupts, her eyes becoming foggy for just a moment, and I shake my head quickly.

"Nope, just the name for the copper isotope discovered on a planet called Trenzalore, very conductive, very useful, minimizes the effect of drift for electrons by 300 percent. Everything here is made of it, and everything here is connected to- get this… An Artificial Intelligence."

"Oh, even scarier than a regular computer." She says, seeming apprehensive, and I have to agree with her.

At least she seems impressed.

"Nah!" I say, the tone of the Doctor's voice overly nonchalant, "Completely brilliant, more like it! This system functions for another one hundred and fifty years before they replace it with a new model! Not a single hiccups, no accidents, no hostile takeovers by the A.I…"

"No _I_-_Robot_ type of activity?" Alternate Evy says, and I grin.

"Nope, the A.I. is perfectly sound, and it helps these people, these Plergeen, function every single day. It keeps them healthy, happy, and well-rested. It has only been installed for a year, now, and already everyone is better off!"

* * *

><p>"Just get it over with, you're killing me here!" I growl, opening my watery eyes to glare at the Time Lord, his eyes closed in concentration, "If you're going to make me do this, do it quicker! It's like ripping a band-aid off slower than slug slime!<p>

When he opens his eyes, they're gold once again. That unnatural, time-diseased gold. The room shakes, much less violently than before, and a wisp of gold leaves the core of the T.A.R.D.I.S, makes its way to him.

_He really is manipulating the lost time between us, mending it, using his body as a gateway._

Even though he isn't mine, and I'm not his, he's still the Doctor, and I'm still Evelyn Crenshaw and I still love him.

_He could die from this._

Fear overpowers the pain in my head.

"Doctor, will you be able to handle this?" I say, letting out a breath at a particularly strong stab of pain, "After this is over, will you be okay?"

He doesn't move an inch, gives no indication of an answer. Instead he presses his fingers deeper into the skin of my scalp, and forces me back in.

* * *

><p>We pass a few of the Plergeen, dressed in black business robes, on their way to work. They greet us heartily, and Alternate Evy seems to relax a bit, seeing their care-free attitude.<p>

"If we're lucky, we can get in to see her." I say.

"Her. The artificial intelligence." She says, not seeming very thrilled at the notion, "Creepy much?"

"Oh, c'mon, Evy! When will you get another chance to interact with a synthetic consciousness almost as expansive as your own?"

She frowns, her lip twitching a bit, before giving me an unexpected look.

Determination, full of fire and grit, as if I've just inspired her to go to war.

"You know what, you're right. When am I going to get another chance? Probably not any time soon, I mean it might be… never." She says, and I take her hand, weaving through the Plergeen folk surrounding us on the sidewalks.

"This city is highly impressive, you know… Our footsteps, our heartbeats, our breathing patterns are sending electrical signals through the entire city, winding and winding their way to the center of the A.I., where she'll interpret it flawlessly. Do we need law enforcement's assistance? Do we need medical attention? Do we need anything, anything at all?" I say, and I can practically feel his enthusiasm, the amazed reverence in his voice is so contagious, "She is interpreting all of that, right this very second."

"How did they come up with this Artificial Intelligence? I mean… If you're right, it's basically just a synthetic brain. They basically created a fully functional brain." Alternate Evy says, pursing her lips as the wheels in her mind turn.

_I love it when she purses her lips like that._

_Whoa, okay._

_He must have vividly remembered that or something, because that was not me._

"Basically. You are going to love this." I say with a wink.

She gives me that resolute look, as if I've given her an order.

"You're right. I will."

* * *

><p>"Because I'll be dead in four hours, three hours, two hours…" I pant, shaking my head against the flood of imagery and thoughts and details. I remember it now, as if I'd been there myself. It's working, whatever the Doctor is doing is definitely working.<p>

He's done it, made the connection.

It's as if someone has turned up the lights, and I can see more and more as it spreads over this timeline he has inserted into my head.

I even remember what comes next.

I remember us walking into the dome of Trenzalorian copper that houses the A.I., the sweeping rise of metal above our heads. I remember the Plergeen engineering student being shocked to death by the A.I, because he'd been hurting her, digging into her infrastructure, on purpose. As a joke.

Like a little kid with a magnifying glass, fascinated by the mechanism of pain exhibited by another living being.

I remember the acrid smell of his fried alien flesh.

Bit of a harsh punishment, even for being a sadistic little prick, in my opinion… But it's what came next, after we figured it all out, after the running and the danger and after we'd set everything right by repairing what the student had done to her.

After she went back to normal and stopped trying to hurt the Plergeen instead of help them as she'd been programmed to do.

It's what the man had said to us, the Plergeen man.

He had been staring at the body of the engineering student as some Plergeen officials cleaned the scene up.

"No one will know why he really died. It'll be labeled as an accident." He says to us, and beneath his formal black robes, I see him shaking a little.

Not everyone's used to this kind of thing…

"Isn't that what it was? He didn't mean to upset the A.I. so badly, he just wanted to…" I say, trailing off when I can't find the words.

_I can't imagine knowingly hurting something, for any reason that didn't involve imminent death of impending doom._

"Satisfy his curiosity." The Doctor finished, and I nod.

The mechanic lets out a bitter huff.

"Spoken like a politician. No one ever wants to slander the dead." He says, shaking his head sadly.

We watch as the crispy body is loaded into a vehicle, to be taken to whoever claims him as family.

"No one wants to make a sad situation worse…" The Doctor says, and we watch the vehicle disappear from the metal dome surrounding us through a large doorway.

"Suppose you're right. He didn't deserve to die, I think." The mechanic says, frowning. Then he turns to face us, and takes my hand in both of his.

They feel clammy.

"You treasure every second you have on this planet, you hear me? Because this can happen to anyone. One second you're here with your boyfriend, doing whatever you do," he says, gesturing to the Doctor, "And the next, you're gone. Nothing but a 'remember when' to someone who knew you."

My throat tightens up, my hearts begin to pound, and I can feel my face crumple under the truth of his words.

"Not everyone gets the privilege of living, you know?" He finishes, and releases my hand, giving us a dejected little wave before ambling away, toward the other side of the dome.

"He's right." I say, my voice barely above a whisper, and the Doctor slides an arm around my shoulder, bringing me closer to him.

"He is, isn't he?"

* * *

><p>The walk back to the T.A.R.D.I.S. goes by much too fast. I feel like I'm being dragged kicking and screaming, trying to grab onto anything to slow the progression of time. Yet here I am, putting one foot in front of the other, of my own free will, trudging towards my death.<p>

I stop to ask the Doctor questions about little details about the Plergeen, or the local plant-life, or clothing customs of the Plergeen, or anything I can ask to slow us down.

But there's only so much I can do before we're standing in front of those blue doors, and I try to keep myself from trembling.

_I have to do this. No matter what I want, or what the Doctor wants._

_No matter how much it will hurt him, no matter how extremely dead I will be in a matter of minutes._

The Doctor unlocks the door, sealing my death with the turn of a key, and I follow him in, closing the door behind me.

"Well not as fresh as I would've liked, but it was new, wasn't it?" He says, and I know that's his version of an apology.

_Sorry you asked for a nice trip and I took you to see someone get fried to death by an pissed off artificial brain._

Normally I would say something snarky, or call him out on his terrible luck.

"It was lovely, and I enjoyed every second of it." I say, and he gives me a little smile, nodding, before tossing us into the vortex. I throw the switch for the stabilizers on, and he presses the series of buttons that directs us to whichever little planet or star or moon he's chosen for us to orbit for the night.

"Ladies first!" He says, gesturing to the bedroom wing, but I drop my eyes, unable to be strong enough if I look at him.

"Or not... You not tired yet? We can keep going, I just figured you'd be a bit drowsy, with us going and going and going all the time lately." He says, shrugging out of his jacket and placing it on the stool next to the console.

I shake my head, afraid that if I speak, I'll sob and beg him to help me, beg him to save me from something he can't.

I press my shaking hands on the doors behind me, and they open with a slight squeak.

"Evy?" The Doctor says, and it nearly makes me sick right then and there, the confusion and panic in his voice and mind, "What are you doing? Come on, come to bed."

I can feel the presence of the drone, somewhere in this room, and I know the Doctor does, too. He shakes his head, and the pull of his mind on my own is so powerful in that moment that my legs almost carry me towards him of their own accord.

He knows what's about to happen.

"Evy, whatever's happened, I can help. You don't always have to deal with things on your own, why do you always think you do? You and I, we're a team, we can fix it. Whatever that thing told you, it's a lie, do you understand?" He thunders, striding towards me with outstretched hands, his honey eyes wide and frantic.

I just shake my head again, trying to control my shallow breathing, watching as the drone takes him over, and he falls to his knees. He lets out a cry of pain, hunching over with his fingers digging into his head.

"Please!" I shout, my voice coming out shrill and wavering, "Don't hurt him, I'll do it, I'm doing it!"

But I can't get it out of my head. Those words, those words that have been nailed into my brain ever since the mechanic spoke them.

_"Not everyone gets the privilege of living, you know?"_

And all of the sudden, it makes sense as to why I wouldn't do it. Why I would tell the Doctor about what's happened, and why we could beat this together. We could beat the drone, and we could beat the Time Lords and the Master together. We could save the universe.

_Maybe if we try hard enough, we could do it. Time can be changed, maybe it isn't so set in stone as the drone had me believe!_

I can't just give up, when so many people have died from something unavoidable, some freak accident. So many people who would have fought tooth and claw to live for the ones they love if they could have, and then there's me...

_Just taking my own life like it's nothing. I'm walking into my own knife, without even trying to avoid it._

I look out through the doors, at the blackness of deep space, the untold beauty of the blinking stars so very far away from this planetary-asteroid we find ourselves orbiting.

_I'll be one with all of that if I do this. And I'd know for sure that the universe is safe if I do... _

I shift my gaze to my Doctor, now looking at me, with that familiar helpless, wide-eyed gaze of all who are under the power of the drone. I'd know it anywhere now.

_But I'll be part of this, part of him, if I don't._

_And that's worth fighting for._

As soon as I make the decision, make it for sure, my mind is burning, up in flames like someone had poured gasoline over it and lit a match.

"You made a promise, little Evy. Now thanks to you, I won't get to feel the whole thing, get the full experience." I hear the drone in my head, and I try to scream, but I find that I can't. Through the pulsing red in my eyes from the pain and terror, I see the Doctor struggling to his feet.

I can't hear what he's saying, but he's reaching out his hand to me.

I want to take his hand, more than anything I want to feel it in mine one last time, but it's so hard to think, let alone move or speak. I can feel the drone rummaging around in my brain, looking for the source of my manipulation ability.

_I don't have much time._

Tears pour from my eyes, and I manage to blink them away.

"Evy, please don't do this." I hear the Doctor say through the branding hot pain in my head, now making his way towards me. He pours all of his love for me into my mind, and its cooling embrace allows me to focus for just enough time.

"I love you." I manage to whisper.

I feel the burning surround the twinge in my brain at last, and I see a few golden flecks, tiny clusters of atoms, rise up and-

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	26. A Perfect Stranger

Someone is saying my name. Over and over.

"Shut up." I try to murmur, and I think I do, but I can't be sure because I can't feel my lips.

Or my legs.

Or my arms.

_What is this, the hangover from hell?_

My name again, louder.

"For shit's sake, shut up!" I say, and this time I know I succeeded, furious that I've been awoken from such peace. I manage to curl into myself, into the soft silkiness surrounding me.

The comfort doesn't last long.

_I felt myself dissolve from the feet up._

_I remember the drone's delight at our devastation._

_I remember the horror on my Doctor's face, the last thing I laid eyes on._

_But no, that wasn't me. That was this Doctor's Evy, she's the one who died. I've just been gifted that lovely memory of hers, thanks to-_

"Now is that any way to speak to someone who just saved your life multiple times within an hour?"

I freeze, holding my breath, afraid that if I move, it will blast everything that just happened into reality, make that voice real…

That voice doesn't belong here, just like I don't belong here.

It brings back memories of snow and ice and Drackonfire.

I open my eyes when I feel brave enough, and they first focus upon the orange sheets of our bed, then upon the familiar buttons of the Doctor's suit, and for a moment I think I was mistaken.

_Brown pinstripes, yes. It's alright. He's okay. He's still here. _

I follow the lines of his chest up, and the pit in my stomach gets deeper and wider as I take in the slant of the shoulders, the broadness of them.

_It's not right._

"You're welcome, by the way. Universe is safe, you're alive, and- Are you hungry? I'm fam-fammity-famished. Wait no, don't let me say that again, that was stupid, cheesy... What about cheese, we could get cheese! And Presbalorianite crisps! Sounds good to me, what do you say?"

I force myself to raise my eyes to the face I know I'll see, and when I do...

My breath comes shallow.

"He's dead." I croak, my throat constricting the words before they can escape, "All that Time, it was too much... It killed him."

The lines on his forehead disappear as his eager expression falls. Green eyes swirl with something akin to hurt, and the sharp edge of his wider jaw tightens.

He sniffs, adjusting the tie around his neck that doesn't belong there.

"Nope, wrong, I'm right here. Right in front of you, practically under your nose, hello." He says, standing up from the bed and walking in front of me to do a little turn.

This new Doctor, walking around in a dead man's clothes, MY dead man's clothes.

_How could this even happen? I was only out for a moment... Right?_

_Oh, please tell me this is some sick, cruel joke._

It's enough to toss anyone off their rocker, especially someone who has just been ripped from their own universe and forced to experience someone else's death.

I throw my legs out of bed, noticing that he changed me into a nightgown I don't recognize.

_What gives him the right? He's not my Doctor, and I'm not his Evy, especially now. I don't even know him!_

"Stop it, stop it right now, acting like everything is okay. Nothing is okay! Do you even understand what I'm going through, even remotely? Do you even fucking care?" I shout, and he whips the sonic out of the pants pocket of my Doctor's suit, pointing it at me as I stride towards him.

"Yes, I care, I understand, you're confused about my regeneration, I was too, for a bit, it's very common and-"

"Don't you point that at me!" I slap his hand out of the way.

He clears his throat, seeming a little disappointed with me, as if he had expected me to be jumping for joy about this.

_Oh, you're disappointed in me? You're the one who's disappointed with my behavior?_

_That is rich._

"You don't understand, not at all, he and I were together, do you get it? We were… God, I didn't even get to say goodbye. I yelled at him, practically called him a monster, and now he's gone and… I didn't get to say goodbye…" I say, stumbling backward and sitting on the bed when my feet hit it, feeling dizzy.

"You're the one who doesn't understand, not me. I'm right here, Evy, standing right in front of you... What part of 'regeneration' do you not understand?" He says.

"Pretty much all of it, actually." I say, looking at him once again, finding that I can't keep my eyes on him for long.

I remember back in Colorado, when I'd met him for the first time.

_Mr. Fine from Fineville._

"Okay that was rhetorical, but yes, alright, what can I explain to make you feel less _psychotic_?" He says as if I'm such a burden, and I grit my teeth against tears, forcing myself to keep from trying to strangle him again.

"There's nothing you can do or say that will make this okay. He's gone and I'll never see him again." I say, resting my head in my hands.

This is the second time I've lost him today. First, my Doctor, then alternate Doctor, and now there's this stranger, this new man, expecting me to just throw myself into his arms.

_After all I've done to try and prevent this… It was worth nothing. Not a damn thing._

_I suppose I'm not angry at him, not for regenerating, that is... For certain other things, definitely furious._

_But I'm angry with myself. For being such a complete failure. _

_I was never going to be able to save him. I was practically leading him to his own death._

_And now he's gone._

_I did this._

Silence causes me to meet his gaze, his stranger's green eyed gaze, and I see anger and frustration in it.

And then he's in my mind. I struggle to force him out, slamming my walls up, but he's there, and he's a Time Lord, and he's always going to be stronger than I am.

It's the very same taste of my Doctor's mind, the same cool feel of it when he holds my thoughts in his.

_I am the Doctor. You and I traveled the stars for a decade together._

_Can't you feel it?_

I stop struggling and close my eyes, reveling in the fact that I _do_ feel it, something I thought I'd never experience again.

The sensation of holding hands, sinking into another's personality and emotion while they simultaneously do the same.

It's home for us, my Doctor and I. We find a home in one another.

"My Doctor." I whisper against my better judgment, and his eyes crinkle on the edges, a smile on his new lips.

"We did it, Evy. We're still here." He says, holding out his arms for me, and I hesitate. His smile melts painfully. He retracts his arms back to his sides with a flutter of fingers, awkward and dejected. Immediately I feel a bit guilty...

Guilty because... I do want to hug him, I want to shower him with kisses, rejoice in the fact that even though he's different, he's alive, and so am I.

_This feels so wrong. It's like I'm… cheating._

_I shouldn't just move on, pretend like the man I loved isn't gone forever... Should I?_

"About that, how exactly? What about the hole in the universe, the drone?" I say.

"So that's why you did it? What did the drone tell you?" The Doctor says, sitting next to me on our bed again, face close to mine with eyes wide and manic as if my next words are the most important ever to be uttered.

_A familiar expression._

"It showed me the future, where the Time Lords came through a rip in the universe, following a signal sent by the Master, and that they destroyed the universe. The drone said it would take over the Master, help you save the universe, but only if I did something for it." I say, feeling dirty and manipulated as the truth comes out, as the light in his eyes dims a bit.

"Kill yourself, of course. The ultimate set up for observing emotional response to death, yes, and so you agreed to it because you thought you had no other option. And you were right."

"I was? But we're here, obviously we succeeded in avoiding all of that, right?"

"No, no no, you're confused, that was a whole other life of ours." He says, waving his hand as if it were obvious.

I just stare at him.

"Obviously, I'm not from your timeline." He says, raising his thin brows.

I just stare at him.

"So we've wibbled it all up enough to where that never happens here. The tear in the universe only happened because I failed to get you back in that timeline. In that universe, I failed, and it left a permanent hole through which the Time Lords could establish some kind of link with the Master, I'm guessing... Now that I've stolen you, that universe is... gone."

He pauses, gesturing wildly with his hands as he speaks, loud and excited... His voice isn't the same, or his face, or his body, or his eyes, or the way he moves, or the way he smiles, or the way he looks at me.

But he's got this... Energy, the same manic energy, loud and tired and excited and in awe, all at once.

"It's like stacking up boxes in a pyramid. You take a little box from the middle, make it so it never existed, no one really notices except for the other little boxes around it. But you take a big box from the side, a key spot in maintaining the balance of the whole pyramid, and it all topples over."

I press my lips together in confounded frustration.

"You're a very big box, Evy."

_Thank you?_

"But the Time Lords, the Master..."

"Gone." He says. His eyes seem sad at the mention of the Master. I remember him telling me he'd held him as the Master had faded away, the last brother he could have had in this whole entire universe.

I expect him to say more about him, but he doesn't. Not a single hint at emotion besides his telltale eyes.

"So you're saying that none of that happens in this timeline… We're safe."

"Oh, no one's really ever safe are they? Bit of an illusion, safety is."

I roll my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"You know what I mean."

"No, the Time Lords can't do anything now. They're stuck in that hell of theirs, in this universe for sure, and most likely any others… Assuming other versions of us behave themselves, that is." He says, giving me a wink.

It forces a smile out of me, that wink.

"See, there we are! This isn't so bad, stuck in the wrong universe with me, is it? I mean it could be worse!" He says, standing up from the bed and holding out his hands to me.

I stare at those new hands, remembering how much I'd wished I could hold his hand one last time before I'd died.

_They may look different, but they're still his._

I place my hands in his and he closes his fingers around them, a smile spreading on his face like wildfire.

"Could be worse." I agree, and he helps me to my feet, and we stand, staring at one another for a while. He seems unsure of what else to say, awkward and nervous.

I'm not much better off, taking in his facial features, all sharp lines and edges, and trying not to appear as uneasy as I feel.

_Aaaand here comes the social anxiety, right on cue! As if I'm meeting someone new or something._

_Well, I mean… I guess I am, sort of, a little bit._

"So…" I say, trailing off into silence, and he clears his throat, standing further back and gesturing to himself.

"So…" He repeats, watching my face intently, "What do you think? Be honest, pull no punches, I can take it."

I give him a few quick glances up and down, and have to bite my lip against a grin when he runs his hand through his longer hair. An old nervous tic of his.

It puts me at ease to know that he isn't completely different. There are some things that have stuck, I suppose.

"Well the hair is… kind of longish. You're slightly more shortish…" I say, and he nods, waiting for me to go on, "And the chin is… impressive."

"Impressive. Impressive good or impressive bad?" He says, grabbing his chin and squeezing it.

"Just impressive. Very... prominent!"

"You don't like it." He says, frowning, "Well, I can cut the longish hair, but I can't exactly shave off my excess chin!"

"Doctor, it's fine, you're all fine! I like you just fine. You're just... different. It's not easy for a human to get used to, the man I love just changing his entire body when I had my back turned. We're not wired to think like this... I mean, imagine for a second that you were human, what if I just spontaneously became some blonde haired blue eyed… stranger?"

"I'd congratulate you on a very nice, very successful regeneration and get to work!" He says, and I raise a brow.

"It's not that easy- Wait, get to work, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Get to work, start on getting to know this new version of you, it's what everyone does, honestly, were you raised in a barn?" He says, throwing his hands up.

_Oh right, excuse me for not being privy to standard post-regeneration etiquette…_

"Okay, then…" I say, crossing my arms over my chest, "Let's start with this. What kind of man breaks all the rules, endangers every single innocent life in this universe, and then forces his own T.A.R.D.I.S to pick up the pieces, just so he wouldn't have to be alone? What kind of man erases a entire universe for his own gain?"

His brow furrows, his eyes turning ever so slightly predatory with a flash of anger.

"That's not fair. You're supposed to be helping me know this regeneration, not the other one." He says, his tone dark and soft.

"Not fair. It's not fair. You want to lecture me about things that aren't fair?" I say, my hearts beginning to pound out a samba, my blood boiling.

I take a deep breath. I have to be calm talking through this or I'm never going to get over it.

_I'll dwell on this forever if I just let it fester inside of me like this._

"Look, it's just… I think what you did was dangerous, and quite frankly, cowardly. None of this would've happened if you hadn't meddled, I had everything under control-"

"I was under the impression that you were dead, actually." He says, his voice low and intense, "That's not having control, that's giving up. I didn't give up, I fought for you, and I won. You can't hold that against me."

"You risked everything, you made that choice on your own for everyone in this universe, and you got lucky!"

"Oh I can't make a decision for the universe's fate but you can? You can decide that playing it safe, killing yourself, would be better than telling me and figuring something out, like you _always_ do?" He says, and I trip over my words for a moment.

_He's right_, a little voice says in the back of my mind, _You're not much better than he is, if you think about it. Maybe even worse._

I shake my head, looking to the ceiling as if it will give me a good response, and something throws me off completely, shutting me up.

The odd coral like structures that used to be the supports of the rooms in the T.A.R.D.I.S...

They're gone, replaced by concave, paneled walls of orange-red lights, pulsing as usual.

_The T.A.R.D.I.S... She's different, too._

He takes advantage of my distraction to continue his rant.

"I took a chance, yeah, but everything worked out the way I wanted it to, the way I planned it to. I mended the tear, joined the timelines, like I'd planned." He says, inching closer to me, and I do the same, refusing to back down on this.

I can feel the passionate energy of his mind, without even needing to reach out.

"You planned to push yourself so far that you regenerated?" I say, my words dripping sarcasm.

"For you? If it came to that, yes, absolutely, any day, anytime, anywhere." He says confidently, so close now that his nose is an inch from mine.

My stomach drops at that, all of the frustration and anger gone in a single breath as if he'd punched it out of me.

"Doctor…" I say softly, the word drifting in the air between us.

His mind ripples with emotion at that gentle word.

"I know you think I'm mad, and I know you think what I did wasn't worth the trouble, but that's where you're wrong, so completely wrong." He says, lacing tendrils of his consciousness through mine, letting me understand how my presence feels to him, like a healing salve on his soul, "You don't know what it's like, to go so long being detached, alone with your bitterness, alone in your own head for so long that you despise the sound of your own thoughts, until one day, you stumble upon someone who…"

He cuts off, looking to the stone floor of our room, at his trainers, then back up to meet my eyes with his.

"It was worth it and I'd do it again in a heartsbeat, that much I know about this self."

I grasp at the anger that begins to slip away, like sand through my fingers. I try to hold on to it, knowing that he was wrong to do this.

But looking into those strange green eyes, such lovely green eyes, and feeling my Doctor, truly my Doctor, surrounding my entire being with cool comfort and happiness…

Not to mention... Being alive to feel it.

_Oh, screw it._

I throw my arms around his neck, and immediately his hands are on my lower back, hugging me close to him. He lets out a breathy laugh, and I do the same, relief coursing through both of us at the warmth of our embrace.

His skin smells the exact same as before, and when I close my eyes, every doubt I have about him begins to evaporate.

_I love this man so much that it hurts, in an aching, pleasant sort of way, and the fact of the matter is..._

_We're both cowards, he and I. We're both a little dark and a little twisted and a little wrong._

_But that's why it works. _

I lean back to look at him, and he lifts a hand to my hair, capturing a curl between his fingers.

"Thank you." He says, his tone low in this new, velveteen voice of his, and it sends a little shiver of heat to the pit of my stomach. It makes me want to explore this new Doctor, get to know him in more ways than just mentally or emotionally.

_I need to feel that he's still here, that we haven't changed too much... In that way._

"For..." I say, knowing that I'm just fishing for compliments at this point. I know what he means...

"Giving me a chance. For being you." He says, his eyes bulging a little when I allow the tiniest of smiles, placing a hand on his angular cheek.

I lean in to press my lips against his, and he lets out a funny little garble, flailing his hands about as if he doesn't quite know where to put them.

_He used to know exactly where to put them..._

I pull back to give him a questioning look. His eyes are wide, without a trace of desire in them.

"Sorry, new lips, new body. Yowza! Not quite sure... I don't... Sorry." He says, blushing beet red, and for a moment I'm not quite sure what to do, with myself, with this odd person in front of me.

One moment, it's him, and the next it feels like he's a complete alien, some stranger with the Doctor's soul.

_What if this Doctor doesn't... Want me? Like that?_

I step back, nodding quickly, tucking some hair behind my ear in one jerky movement.

"No, you're right, of course, sorry, I should give you time to... Sort yourself. Um... I actually am feeling pretty tired, so I think I'll just-" I say, biting my lip to stop the flow of what I know will be a waterfall of awkward if I allow it to continue.

I turn on my heel and make my way towards the doorway that's appeared, to what I hope is still my old room. I feel far from tired but maybe a little rest will help me process all of this insanity...

"Are you not... Going to..."

I look over my shoulder, pausing in the doorway, and he's standing there by the bed, seeming as if he has absolutely no clue what to do with himself.

_I can relate._

"Oh, you want me to stay? Here?" I say, hoping I sound as nonchalant as I'm trying to.

On the inside, I'm waiting for him to shatter me, confirm all my worst fears about regeneration.

_That he'll change and I'll be left loving a ghost._

"Ah... yes, I think I do," He says, as if the realization has just knocked him upside the head, "Besides, this has been your room for years, why wouldn't you?"

I nod, ambling back into the room, giving him a demure little smile, and taking in the differences in detail for the first time.

He's watching me, though, I can feel those green eyes on me, and it's hard to focus.

I run my hands over the desk, now a clean-cut metal table instead of the ornately carved mahogany it used to be. The mirror above it, the tarnished gold one, is gone now. Instead, a mirror as tall at the room itself in the shape of an arch stands proudly to the left. I walk in front of it, seeing the dark circles under my dull ,puffy eyes.

I can see him behind me, too, by the bed, the only thing unchanged in the room.

He's unbuttoning his jacket, watching me all the while.

_I wish I knew what to do. How do I deal with this? Where's the "Your Time Lord Lover and You" manual when you need it?_

I drop my eyes from his, back to the desk to see that the T.A.R.D.I.S has set out a nightgown for me.

_The_ nightgown.

"Are you crazy?" I hiss, rushing to snatch the sheer, lacy black material off the desk, hoping he isn't still watching.

This is his favorite nightgown. Or it was.

_Apparently our universes aren't too terribly different..._

* * *

><p>He's asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, which I am actually incredibly thankful for. Regenerating must be exhausting, but its nothing compared to being the one to deal with it.<p>

Between the twenty minutes it took me to get the T.A.R.D.I.S to give me something serious to sleep in, and the stunted conversation that happened during those twenty minutes, I want to just crawl under a rock, just for a while.

He had stood there in his pajamas, staring at the bed, and then at me, and then back at the bed, before he started.

Talking, that is.

Talking about the jungles of some continent on some planet, where some people shaped like pineapples lived, and oh, how much I'm going to love it, and oh how exciting it will be.

And then he stopped almost mid-sentence, already half-way through a sleep cycle before I could reply.

I'm almost always asleep first, even on those special days where he's even more tired than I am. But I suppose this is different.

_He did have a bit of a trying day... A trying few days, perhaps, depending on how long it took for him to go AWOL._

I roll over onto my side, away from the snoozing Time Lord, watching the lights pulse with the rhythm of the T.A.R.D.I.S's ever-present melodies.

_Things were so different. Everything has changed in the matter of a few hours for me. We were adventuring, I was with my Doctor..._

_I mean, I'm still with him... But..._

I let out a sigh, rolling back to face him.

_This is going to take some time, maybe a lot of time, before I don't have to keep convincing myself it's him._

His longer hair is in his eyes, not that he seems to be bothered by it. The harsh lines of his new face are softened by sleep, giving him a less severe look in the soft light.

I gently brush his dormant mind with mine, and get back a flurry of bright images and equations and theories and faces, too fast for me to follow. He stirs slightly, one side of his mouth turning up before returning to blank peacefulness.

_Time Lord dreams._

It makes me smile.

I want to cuddle closer to him, to twine my fingers in his, anything to feel as though this wall between us isn't there, but I don't.

Not yet. Not until I know the extent of change we're going to go through.

_Whatever it takes, though. I'm going to try my best to get used to this. I'll fight for him, because he fought for me._

_And I will always fight for him, too._

_My crazy alien._

* * *

><p><strong>AN**

**Wow, so... Are you guys surprised?**

**Eleventh Doctor? Are you excited? Or sad? Or are you like me, where I'm a little of both, because that's what happens every single time we have to say goodbye to a Doctor, and hello to a new one. It's confusing, and messy, and emotions are all highs and lows and ups and downs for a while.**

**This is the last chapter of this story, which will continue, not to worry.**

**The road goes ever on, so keep an eye out for the next story, which will be Eleven/Evy, and the last of their story.**

**I wonder where this alternate timeline will take us, probably no where near canon? I'm so excited to find out :]**

**Writing these stories is a little like traveling with the Doctor myself. I think of something, tell myself 'yes, I'm going to write it that way' but then the Doctor and Evy tell me 'Ha, that's cute.", and they drag me with them on a brand new adventure, to something new and fantastic and unexpected! It's lovely, just lovely, and I hope I can be good enough for you all to continue writing in a consistent fashion.**

**I'm trying to be better :]**

**Lots of love and see you in the next story,**

**-A.**


End file.

Doctor Who, Adventure, Romance