Castle 1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

**I've wanted to do a Castle FanFic for a while. I've had many ideas, but I promised myself that I wouldn't upload it until I knew I had a story that was good enough. While I expect that this will still be a poor showing, I am putting it out there, and that scares the hell out of me.**

**As for the story that follows, it is almost completely AU. Assume, my dear readers that everything in the show has happened up to the point of the first episode of Season 3. In that episode, Castle works to convince Beckett to take him back after he abandoned her for the summer. In cannon (as I'm sure you know), Beckett takes him back. This is the story of what happens if she hadn't done so.**

**I am aware that the timeframe here is a little wonky. I doubt that someone would be able to be made a junior detective in 4 years, and I also doubt that a near 40 year old Castle could ever actually get into the police academy. But since this is AU, we're going to run with it and see if we can't have some fun.**

**Chapter One – A New Beginning**

May 5th 2014

_Detective Richard Castle. DETECTIVE Richard Castle. _He had been wishing to call himself that for a long time. Years, in fact. After Kate Beckett had decided not to take him back, he knew then that he had to do something different with his life. He knew that in order to take away the pain, or seek any redemption in her eyes, he had to do something different. After that counterfeiting case four years ago, Kate Beckett had dismissed him from her life. The following week, after thinking over his options, Richard Castle decided to enroll in New York's police academy.

It was odd being so old, surrounded by young people, at least at first. Admittedly going into the process he wasn't in his best shape, and was nearing 40 at the time, but eventually the oddness of being surrounded by youthful counterparts motivated him to try harder. Motivated him beyond anything he knew, so that he could reach his goal. _Detective._

That motivation carried him to the top of his class, which is where he graduated. Admittedly, Castle knew going into the process that graduation would only be the first real step towards his detective's shield. Despite his experience as a crime novelist and NYPD consultant, he knew he couldn't just jump the line. So he worked and worked over the course of the four years after the academy to earn the right for that particular badge.

He had to admit to himself that he was a bit smug at the accomplishment. No one before him had ever completed such a task in such a short amount of time. But he had been motivated.

Throughout the last four or so years, he had crossed paths with Detective Kate Beckett, though never face-to-face. He had strove to avoid such a meeting, knowing deep down that if it had happened his resolve might have faltered. At first he had been doing this to be with her, he knew that. His hopes were to some day be assigned to her team again. And even now, after four years, and finally holding his badge, that is his goal. But after the pain and hard work he had done to get to this point, his motivation changed just a bit. He was doing this for himself.

After years of writing about murder, and two years of helping to solve them, he had a deep understanding of why he was so fascinated by the macabre. It had little to do with Kate Beckett, and more to do with his past and his experiences through life.

On the day he received his detective's shield, he reflected over the last four years in wonder. Four and half years ago he had been a best selling crime fiction writer, in competition with some of the best writers ever known. Over those four years, he hadn't given up writing, but his work would likely never see the light of day again. He wrote for himself so that he had some outlet, something to hold his mind while he wasn't working towards his goal.

His past played a role in him finally deciding to stop being a public figure. Castle knew that he couldn't be both a detective in the NYPD and a novelist he had to choose. When he thought of the things that had happened to him, the reasons for him wanting to write about murder and justice, he found that going into the academy and earning his way towards actually being able to solve real crimes, was the step he should have always taken.

After receiving his badge from his captain, George McMichael, he had been given the weekend off. He was assigned to New York's 54th precinct in the robbery division. It wasn't homicide like he wanted, but his Captain assured him that with a little more hard work, he could apply for a transfer in a year or so.

Castle drove his car to the new apartment he had rented on the lower east side of Manhattan. Four years ago, he and Alexis and moved out of their SoHo loft, leaving it to his mother. He wanted to leave the lifestyle behind, and while that had an effect on Alexis, he knew she supported his decision at least in a way.

_"Hey, Pumpkin," he had said four years earlier, walking into the living room where Alexis was studying. "Can we talk about something?"_

_"Sure, Dad." She looked at her father's face and knew he had finally decided something. She knew that after Detective Beckett had kicked him to the curb that he had been having a hard time sleeping, and that he was mulling something over. "What is it?" She had asked._

_"I need to make some changes in my life, sweetie, and it's going to be really hard on you. I won't do it if you don't agree with it, so I'll tell you and then we can decide together, okay?" He looked at her with pleading blue eyes. She knew that whatever he had come to say was weighing on him deeply._

_"You've decided what to do, haven't you?"_

_"Yes." He came around and sat next to her, shuffling some of the books and paper she had strewn out in front of her. "This is going to sound weird, and it's really going to seem like I'm going through a mid-life crisis, but I'm going back to school. I've enjoyed the last two years a lot, and I think that I want to be a detective when I grow up," he smirked at her. "I'm going to apply to the police academy. I know I'm old for it, but it feels right, you know?"_

_She looks at him with a weird look in her eye, like she thinks he's completely lost it. "Dad, really? I mean, I expected something after the way you've been acting these last few days, but really? Becoming a cop? Doesn't that seem to be a bit drastic? Gram is supposed to be the overly dramatic on in this family, not you."_

_"I know it seems odd, and maybe it is a huge mistake. But it's something I think I want to do."_

_"What about your writing? Are you still going to publish books?"_

_"No." He looked a little sad at that._

_"You're going to completely drop your novels? What about Nikki Heat? You just started a new series. You're going to end it now?"_

_"We'll think of it as a one-off. I'm under contract for more, but I've talked to my lawyer and they think that as long as I return the advance on the next novel, I can get out from under it."_

_She looked at him, still taking in this monumental news._

_"And, Alexis, I think you know that while I may have started my crime fighting career to do research, by the end I was doing it for another reason entirely."_

_"Detective Beckett," she said knowingly._

_"Yes, but she was really only part of it. Okay so, maybe, I'm kinda sorta in love with her, but I liked being in the thick of it, providing people and families with justice. I liked the puzzles. I liked that it was real. I've spent the last 15 years of my life writing fiction. I want real; I want to make a difference, and I think that becoming a cop will allow me to do that."_

_"I'm worried, dad. You were in a lot of danger, not being a cop, these last two years. What happens if you do this, and then one day you don't come home?"_

_He sighed, looking at his daughter who had become much too grown up for his tastes. "That was always a possibility these last two years, so little with change. And I know you worry about it, but I feel like I need this."_

_She looks down at her hands, which are lying in her lap. He can see that they are trembling a bit, and he worries that perhaps he shouldn't have even brought this up. "Dad, I'm not going to stop you from doing this if it is what you feel like you need to do. I want you to be happy and safe, so just promise me that you'll always come home. Please," she pleads._

_"I will."_

They had talked about how this was going to change all their lives, especially how they lived. He explained that he didn't want to live like a millionaire writer if he was going to do this, he explained that most of his money, along with continuing royalties, would go into an account for her when she turned 21. He would keep some, of course, for them to live on while he went through training, but most would be for her future.

Castle thought about all that had changed in these last four years. Alexis had gone off to Stanford about a year ago, starting a fresh and exciting life on the west coast. He still heard from her every single day, but it wasn't the same. He still talked with his mother, who lived at his old loft with her fiancée Jack, often but wasn't around as often as he used to be. It was just _different, _but he liked different. He loved being a cop more than he liked pretending to be one, and that really made all the difference.

Castle pulled his car into the garage attached to his apartment building, got out of the car and headed inside. The small two bedroom apartment was a far cry from the luxury of his last home, but it fit his new reality much better. It felt like home even more so than the loft had.

_Home. Just where I need to be. I'm a detective! _He could feel the giddiness run through his body, a reminder that he had finally made it to where he needed to be.

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><p><strong>AN: I apologize for any formatting errors, I'm new to uploading here so it might take me a chapter to discover the methods for doing things correctly.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I want to apologize first, because as I get into this FanFic thing, I'm realizing that my Notes are going to atrociously long. After this chapter I'll put the majority of the note at the end of the chapter so you can get right to the story.**

**But first, Thank you for the wonderful reception this story has received. I have to admit that I'm actually shocked that I got any reviews or follows at all, and yet here we are. So thank you, so much. I have responded to those of you who logged in to leave a review, and I love your ideas for where this story should go. I am listening.**

**A few more things. First note the change in dates. I've looked at the calendar, and realized that I had Castle taking a weekend off on a Monday. I will change this in the original chapter when I get a chance, but as of this chapter the date is correct. **

**Second. I've had several questions about where we're headed and how long it will take us to get there. The answer to the second question is I don't know, but this will be a long story. As for where we're headed, I have a good idea, and a general outline, but I like writing freely. It just makes me feel happier. It is risky, but I think that in the end it will help me do a better job, but we'll see.**

**You'll notice that we've switched to Beckett's point of view here. As the plan is right now, we'll be alternating between the two main characters for the foreseeable future. Always look at the date at the top of the chapter, as that will give you a sense of how much time has passed. Now, as Martha would probably say, 'on to the story!'**

**Note: I do not own Castle, though I am obsessed with it.**

_"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future."_ – John F. Kennedy

**Chapter Two**

**May 3rd 2014**

Detective Kate Beckett stood in front of her vanity, applying the last of her makeup for the day ahead. She stood back to give herself a final look-over, and with a nod had to admit that she felt good. She grabbed her laptop bag, locked up behind her, and walked out to greet a sunny spring morning. As she drove into an unusually light rush hour morning traffic, Kate fiddled with her tuning button until a random jazz station belted out Nina Simone's "Feeling Good". She couldn't help but smile as Simone's song reflected how she felt. For the first time in her life she felt like she could move on and be happy.

Therapy had helped a lot with that feeling. She had spent the time immediately after Castle had left building walls and shutting everyone out. It hadn't been an easy time; she had been fine with it, however, as she had gone back to the old habit of isolating herself and keeping everyone at a distance after her mother's murder. But after the previous two years with Castle, her friends and co-workers knew that she could more than what she presented to everyone around her. Putting her car into gear at an intersection, Kate remembered Montgomery calling her into his office almost a year after Castle had stopped coming to the precinct.

_"Beckett, my office. Now," he had said with a nod towards his door._

_"Yes, sir," she replied, standing from her desk. As she crossed the short distance from her desk to Montgomery's office, she looked away to avoid Ryan's and Esposito's concerned glances. What would they know? She thought angrily as she mentally dismissed their concerns. It's my life. Why can't they just leave me the hell alone?_

_"Sit," Montgomery said after he closed the door behind her, walked behind his desk, took a fortifying breath, and stared her down. The look on his face was one of deep concern and determination. "How are you, Kate? Really?" he asked._

_The question and use of her first name threw her for a loop. "I'm fine, sir," she said tersely, wondering where this was going._

_"No, you're not," Montgomery replied. "Your solve rate has declined in the past thirteen months; you've distanced yourself from the rest of your team; and you've lost your focus. Does that seem fine to you?" he asked rhetorically._

_"I've tried to give you the space to figure out whatever is going on by yourself," he continued, not giving Kate the time to formulate a reply. "I know how independent you are. But it's time, Kate. It's time to figure this out or someone – you or one of your colleagues – are going to suffer from it out in the field and I can't have that."_

_Biting her lip and avoiding looking at Montgomery, she asked with a barely controlled hiss, "What is it you expect me to do, Captain?" Emphasizing his rank._

_He leaned back and tiredly replied, "I have considered granting you a leave of absence of some sort, but, honestly, I don't think that alone would help. You'd just bury yourself so deep that you can't get out." He paused as he sat down across from her, regarding her with paternal concern. "I do think you should take some time off, but that it isn't going to be enough." He pulled out a letter and pushed it towards her._

_Kate looked between the letter and Montgomery with trepidation. Is he-?_

_"I've scheduled an appointment with the department's psychologist," Montgomery continued, seeing the look on her face. "He will be expecting you at 8am on Monday. Once he clears you for active duty, you can come back."_

_"You want me to what?!" Kate vehemently asked, her face turning red with anger. She couldn't remember ever being this angry with someone before, especially not at her boss. Castle would just about do this just to get her-_

_"You have to fix yourself, Kate," Montgomery said, snapping her out of her momentary Castle introspection. "I don't know what is wrong, but ever since Castle left, you haven't been the same."_

_The mention of her former partner only made her angrier. "Castle has nothing to do with this, and he never will," she spat, her voice dripping with anger at the man, who seems to be the cause of her current predicament. "If that's the only reason you're making me do this, then I can assure you that I'm fine. I don't need some shrink to tell me that." She suddenly stood up and began to pace._

_"You don't have a choice." Montgomery's tone brooked no argument. "You can either go to the psychologist or you can quit, you decide. I can't have you endangering yourself or any of my people because you're distracted or depressed or something." He looked at her unwaveringly, his expression softened a little as he added, "I only want what is best for you. You never know, talking about whatever is bothering you to someone could help."_

_She stood across from Montgomery in stony silence for what seemed like minutes. She had to grudgingly admit to herself that she hadn't been the same for these last thirteen months. As she let Montgomery's words sink in, she realized that with her current state of affairs, she was a danger to both herself and to everybody else. She couldn't really care less about what happened to her, but did Ryan and Esposito deserve to be saddled with her own emotional baggage as well? She cared about them like family, and she couldn't put them in unnecessary danger because she was too proud to realize when something was wrong._

_She took a deep breath, her anger subsiding a bit, and replied, "Fine. I'll see the shrink. How long will I have to be off for?"_

_"I don't know," Montgomery said with a subtle sagging of his shoulders in relief. "We'll starting with a month's leave, but depending on your psych eval, the doctor will be the one to decide when you can come back."_

It had taken her four months to unburden herself as well as getting her life into some semblance of what it once was before she was cleared to return. She had to admit that the therapy did help a great deal. At that point she wouldn't have said she was happy, but she was happier.

Now, three years later, she understood herself better and was finally making inroads into her career.

_Captain_ Beckett? she thought with another smile as she turned to the 12th's parking garage. _It had a nice ring to it_, she had to admit. She knew she was being fast-tracked as Montgomery's replacement for when he retires. He'd already started delegating some of his duties and responsibilities. She wasn't sure she wanted the job at first. She _loved_ solving murders; it was what she lived for. But over the last few months, since Montgomery had told her he was thinking of retiring, she had thought about it more and more. It just seemed like the next logical step. Her only regret would be that she wouldn't be able to solve her mother's murder. As Captain, she wouldn't be able to continue to investigate without someone noticing, and that would pain her to no end.

Standing in front of the reflective elevator doors, she looked at her face. She smiled, despite the retrospective thoughts. She really was happy. She knew, looking at herself, that the future was bright and that if things worked out, she still might be able to solve the case someday.

_Someday . . ._

The elevator dinged and slid open, jerking her out of her thoughts. She entered the elevator and felt the phone vibrate in her coat. As the door slid close, she answered, "Beckett."

It was going to be a good day.

A/N: I would like to send out a heartfelt word of thanks to Foxmac who has agreed to the painful task of being a beta for this story. The word thanks never seems like enough in these situations, but as there are no words to express the gratitude I feel, thanks will have to suffice. Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - So, so sorry for the delay in this chapter. Unfortunately, life sometimes gets in the way. Thanks for the reviews and favs! Keep em coming! Thanks so much for FoxMac who has been a fantastic beta! Also, sorry for the duplicate alerts. My first few times uploading this chapter did not go so well. **

•

**Chapter Three**

**May 19th 2014**

He had to admit that being a robbery detective wasn't nearly as entertaining as he had hoped it would be. As he continued to make a dent on both his and Murray's combined pile of paperwork, Richard Castle realized with a bit of shame that he missed homicides. Okay, so he didn't want people to kill each other, but he missed the thrill of investigating them and bringing some justice and closure to the victims. Robbery has it advantages don't get him wrong. But it was downright . . . boring.

His first two weeks on the job as a robbery detective were filled with run-of-the-mill B &E's and would be idiots too drunk or high to think straight. And let's not forget about the ever-increasing and endless reams of mind numbing paperwork. _The amount of paper used to file this reports would make a forest weep,_ he thought with a sigh as he closed one file and opened another. _Maybe I should think about investing into one of those paper-recycling companies . . . You know, if I had any money. _

His climb through the ranks to Detective (2nd grade) hadn't gone as he had hoped, due in large part, he had to ruefully admit to himself countless times since being assigned to the 54th's Robbery division, to his romantic ideal of what being a detective entails. Reality was a harsh teacher, indeed. He put aside the finished report, unconsciously picked up the next one when a voice broke through his thoughts.

"Hey, Papi," Officer Brian Fisher said with a slight grin. "Me and the guys and I going to this new place we found called the Old Haunt. Want to come along?"

Castle eyed the paperwork piled in front of him with regret. Fisher and Castle had met in the academy. Both he and Castle had been the elders of their class by several years, with Fisher being just a year older than Castle himself.

"It'll still be there when you come back tomorrow," Fisher cajoled.

Castle looked over Fisher's table with its own pile of paperwork as he picked up his coat and replied, "The same could be said about your own pile, Geezer. I didn't even know they let officers pile up that much paperwork. But I think I'm going to have to pass. As boring as this paperwork is, and as much as I'd like to see you embarrass yourself by trying to keep up with those young officers, if I don't get this done now, tomorrow will be even more hell. I'll take a rain check."

"Suit yourself, Papi, but we gotta get together tomorrow. I'm getting myself a promotion!"

"Really? They've become desperate enough to make you a detective? I thought it was bad enough when they promoted me. They must really be falling on hard times," Castle said as he finished another report and flipped to the next one. "How about we go celebrate this weekend? I've got both days off."

"Yeah, sure! I've gotta go, can't keep the boys waiting. See ya, Papi."

"Later, Geezer, don't try to ruin your liver all in one night, you know what happened last time."

"Yeah, yeah," he said as he disappeared towards the elevator. Castle looked back at his work and sighed. He could have really used that drink.

When he finally arrived home a few hours later, Castle unlocked the door to his apartment, set his keys down in the dish beside the door, and scanned through his mail. Laying the mail down on the kitchen counter, he strode over to the coffee maker to start a fresh pot. The only part of his apartment that he had splurged on when he bought it four years before had been the state-of-art top-of-the-line coffee maker. He needed his coffee and he wouldn't put up with any coffee tasting like "monkey peed in battery acid". He wouldn't touch the gunk that the coffee pot at the precinct chugged out even if his life depended on it.

With that thought, he walked through the kitchen into the open-planned living space and grabbed a book from the shelf. He considered the cover for a minute and took it back to the kitchen, where the coffee had finished brewing. He poured it into his favorite mug and brought it and his book to the table. As he started to read, his mind drifted off, thinking of his first two weeks as a newly minted detective.

_He really didn't like his partner, period. Robert Murray was an old timer when it came to filing paperwork. He simply showed up every day, did a case, and by the end of the day handed off the paperwork to whoever had the unfortunate pleasure of being his umpteenth partner. If Castle were to find a definition of lazy-ass in the Miriam-Webster's Dictionary, Detective Robert Murray would be the very pictorial definition of the word. Over the last four years, Castle had met his fair share of cops who didn't have the heart for the job: some were only there to carry a gun, others seem to enjoy just wearing the badge, and some others were good at the investigative part but hated paperwork with a passion. Over time he began to realize that he had been very lucky finding a set of detectives at the 12th precinct who not only enjoyed their jobs but were good at it._

_Murray was everything he hated about cops. Oh, he wasn't dirty or anything like that, just lazy. He was planning on retiring at the end of the summer. So at least, Castle thought, I won't have to put up with him for long. On his first day, Murray disliked him on first sight. Castle couldn't really figure out why, and despite his attempts at getting to know Murray better, he came to realize that he was seriously wasting his time._

_His first case was an eye-opener. It was a simple smash and grab that was easily solved as the suspect had been caught in the act on camera. All they had to do was identify and then arrest the perp. He had been looking forward to that first case as a detective for so long, that he had hoped it would be something straight out of Ocean's Eleven or The Italian Job. Again reality was a very hard teacher, indeed._

_Of course after they had wrapped the case, his mouth got away from him before he can rein it in. "I can't believe my first case was so . . . " he groped for an apt description as they sat down to do the paperwork. "… mundane."_

_"Oh, geez," Murray griped. "I didn't realize that our job here was so far beneath the great Richard Castle, Super Cop."_

_"It isn't that," Castle countered. "But this being my first case, couldn't it have been a little more, I don't know, entertaining?" he added in a lighter tone._

_"Look, Castle," Murray said seriously. "This is what we do. If you don't like it, maybe you should go back to writing those trashy crime novels."_

_Castle just scowled at him and got up to get a drink from the break-room. There was no way he was drinking the swill that passed off as coffee here at the precinct, so water would have to suffice. When he got back to his desk, he took the first form off the top and started to review it._

_"Since you're so bored," Murray said, standing up. "You can do my paperwork too." He plopped a huge stack of folders and papers on Castle's desk and strode away before he could even look up and say anything._

Since then, he had ended up doing Murray's paperwork more often than not. At first, he thought that perhaps it was just a veteran detective hazing the new guy and just did it without complaint. He had undergone a similar sort of thing when he first became a uniform. But after a week, he finally asked one of the other detectives in the division if this was a normal occurrence.

_"No," the detective had replied. "He has an aversion when it comes to paperwork and becomes unbearable whenever he's assigned a partner." The detective paused before adding, "Don't take it too hard. Everyone who knows Murray knows that he passes off his version of paperwork to whomever the unlucky guy that ends being his current partner. Most of the precinct knows, including the Captain, so don't worry about it."_

Normally, Castle wasn't one to take this sort of thing lying down, but since having read Murray's half-hearted attempt at writing the reports, he had taken to writing them himself. Being a writer himself, it was no hardship. He was only thankful that Murray had kept all of his notes together pertaining whatever case they had finished.

Over the course of the two weeks, all the cases they had were simple robberies taking little to no effort to solve. The majority of his time was spent doing both his and Murray's paperwork. Castle looked up from the same page he had been trying to read for the past half hour with no success and looked around his lonely apartment. Putting the book down, he glanced at his watch, did a quick calculation and hit the speed dial.

"Hey, Daddy," Alexis answered. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing really," Castle replied as he leaned back in his chair. "Just missing you."

"I miss you too, Dad," she replied with a smile. "But I'll be home in a few weeks. We'll hang out then before I head off to DC for that internship."

"You're really looking forward to that, aren't you? Did you decide on an apartment or are you staying in corporate housing?"

"I found a small apartment to rent over the summer. One of the other interns is going to split it with me."

"Oh?" he said nonchalantly as he sat up in attention. "Is there someone special I should know about?"

"Dad!" Alexis replied with exasperation. "Just a friend, who also happens to be a girl, by the way. Besides, I'm in my twenties now. I'm not a little girl anymore," she added with a gentle rebuke.

He snorted then teased, "If I had my way, you'd still be sixteen and at home living under my thumb." He paused before asking, "So how's college life treating you?"

"Really good," she replied, enthusiastically. "Really liking the direction the degree is going. According to my counselor, by next summer I'll be able to start applying for some study abroad programs. She and I met the other day and discussed which programs would be best."

"That's great, sweetie. I'm so proud of you. Listen, I'll probably call you before I see you. But if not, do you still want me to pick you up at the airport?"

"Yeah. That would be great! We can hang out in the city for a little while. I like California and all, but I miss New York a lot. Maybe we can get lunch and go to the museum or something."

"Oh! We could see the dinosaurs, like we used to do when you were little. That'd be so much fun! I've taken that weekend off from work so we can do whatever you want."

"Okay, Dad. I've got to go, I've got a final coming up in about 20 minutes and I don't want to be late. I'll talk to you soon, Love you."

"Love you too, Pumpkin." He hit the end call button and sighed, already missing his little girl.

_Not so little anymore,_ a voice in the back of his mind gently reminded him.

_No need to rub it in_, he countered as he stood up, took his empty coffee mug to the sink and rinsed it. Picking up his book from the table, he flopped on the couch and tried to read again.

_At least next week_, he thought as he began to read._ I'll be seeing the boys and Lanie for drinks_. _That's something to look forward to. Maybe someday we'll work together again._

_Someday . . ._

**A/N #2 - Just a word about detectives and their positions. I know that it seems weird, but Castle is a Detective (2nd Grade). There are three grades of detectives, with 1st grade being the highest. I know it seems very fast (and is incredibly unrealistic), but I've had to use some artistic license in order to get the story to go where it needs to go. Normally it'd take many years to get from 3rd grade to 1st grade, but we're going to speed Castle up quite a bit in order to move the story along. I hope that you can give me a little leeway on that. Thanks again for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here's another chapter! Hey Lanie!**

**Thanks for the reviews, favs, and follows. Keep them coming! As always, a special thanks to Foxmac for being the perfect Beta!**

**xxxxxx**

**Chapter Four**

**May 23****rd**** 2014**

"Dr. Parish, do you have a minute?" Beckett asked as she entered the morgue.

"Sure, Detective. Just give me a minute to wrap this up." The ME was sitting at her desk working on a report of some sort, her forehead bunched up in concentration. "I don't have a case for your team, so I assume you're down here for something else?"

Kate mentally winced at her friend's formal tone.

_Your friendship had been on shaky ground since Castle left_, a small voice at the back of Kate's mind reminded her.

_Okay, I deserved that,_ she thought back. _I hated that she was right_.

During Kate's weekly therapy sessions, which she still attended even though it was no longer mandated by her work, she had come to the realization that keeping her distance with Lanie wasn't fair. After all, Lanie had been right four years ago about Kate needing to find the courage to talk with Castle before he left, Beckett had just been too stubborn to see it.

Kate walked over to a chair by Lanie's desk and sat down with a sigh. "No. I need to talk to you about . . . what's happened between us."

"Oh?" Lanie asked tentatively as she looked up from her report in surprise. She hadn't put too much hope in maintaining the same level of friendship that had existed between them before. She hadn't wanted to lose hope, of course, but after four years of professional and formal interaction, added with a personal distance, she never thought that they could ever be friends again on the same level given the wall that had come between them.

"I'm sorry, Lanie," Kate said, looking the ME in the eyes. "I shouldn't have pushed you away, and I should have apologized long before now. I just hated that you were right. I didn't want to see it at the time, and even after four years I don't know how you knew what was going on, because sometimes I still don't," she sighed.

"But you were right," she continued. "I was in love with him." _Still am, as a matter of fact, _she mentally adds but doesn't say.

"Kate, stop," Lanie said with a raised hand. "I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I know how you are. I've known since you were a rookie in uniform, and I still chose to become your friend. And yes," she added with a slow nod, "you hurt me by pushing me away and shutting me out. I can't really blame you. I was pushy when it came to you and Castle, and maybe I should have pushed less. So, I'm sorry too." She paused, and then added, "Can I ask, why now?"

"I . . . " Kate looked down at her hands, trying to gather her thoughts. "You know that the department sent me for mandatory therapy three years ago?" she asked rhetorically, knowing that either Espo, Ryan, or the precinct's grapevine would have informed Lanie about what went on with Beckett's team.

"Yeah, I remember. Did it help?"

"Yeah, a lot," Kate replied with a slight smile. "I'm actually still going once a week even though it's no longer mandatory. Turns out I have a lot of issues to work through," she chuckled. "As for why now, I've been thinking about my friends lately and I brought it up to my therapist and he asked about you. The more we talked, the more I realized that I've fallen back to how I was before Castle came along." She paused and with a tentative tone added, "I missed you."

"Oh, come here, sweetie," Lanie said, standing up and pulling Beckett into a tight embrace. "I've missed you too."

They both pulled back after a moment of basking in their renewed friendship. "Are you free tonight for a catch-up dinner?" Lanie asked. "My treat."

Kate gave a smile of relief. "Yeah, that sounds great."

Lanie didn't want to give Kate a chance to back out, got up, collected her bag, and ushered Beckett out the door. As they drove towards Remy's, Kate asked, "So, Espo finally proposed, huh?"

A huge smile graced Lanie's face as she replied, "Yeah, just last week. Did he tell you how he proposed?"

Kate nodded. "He couldn't stop bragging about how he had taken you on a carriage ride through Central Park, then he had gotten down on one knee and popped the question. Such a romantic," she gently teased with sigh and smile.

"It might not have been the most original proposal ever but it was perfect. And look at that rock." Lanie raised her hand with a wide grin, wiggling her fingers making the ring briefly flash in the light of the oncoming traffic.

"I'm happy for you, Lanie. I'm surprised it took him four years of dating you on and off to realize that you were the one. Kind of thought he'd have moved faster than that, but at least he got there in the end. Have you guys talked about a date yet?" Kate asked as she parked her car outside the diner.

"Sometime in the spring of next year, I think," Lanie replied as they both got out of car. "We want plenty of time to plan, and we're not in any rush. We haven't even told our parents yet, and Javi's mom isn't exactly a fan of mine. So we're still trying to figure out how to break the news to her. That should be loads of fun," she added with wry twist of her lips.

They entered Remy's and sat down at a booth in the corner. Kate sighed wistfully as she looked around the place. "I don't come here as often as I used to," she said as she picked up the menu.

"Why not?" Lanie asked as she too picked up her menu. "I thought you loved it here."

"Castle," Kate simply replied as if his name encompassed everything.

Lanie nodded in understanding as Kate continued, "We came here quite often after a case ended, and I couldn't stand coming here for a while after I sent him packing. Too many memories, you know?"

"I can see that. So what are you getting?" Lanie asked trying to keep the conversation light. They spent the next few minutes talking about possible dinner choices before Beckett asked, "Have you seen him lately?"

"Who?" Lanie asked, still lost in her menu.

"Castle."

Lanie looked up, wondering where this was going. These sorts of conversations hadn't ended well before, so she was a bit wary of where this was heading. "A couple of weeks ago," she replied truthfully. "Javi, Ryan, and I had drinks with him when he found out he was going to make detective. Why?"

Kate bit her lip and hesitantly replied, "I was just wondering. I knew he had become a cop, and I've seen him at a couple functions, but . . . Ah, hell, I don't know, Lanie. How can it be that four years later I still have these feelings for him? Shouldn't it fade?"

Lanie's brows rose in surprise at Kate's frank admittance to still having feelings for Castle. She knew that Kate normally wasn't one to open up easily about how she felt.

"Kate," she began tentatively. "You know how I feel about your relationship with Castle. It's what caused the rift between us in the first place, and I don't want to say anything that will make what progress we have go up in flames. I'm hungry and I want to eat, and if you get mad at me, I won't be able to do that," she joked, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood.

"You won't, Lanie." Kate replied, taking her friend's hand in hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "I've worked hard to be where I'm more comfortable talking about myself, and while I admit that it's hard and I don't really have anyone to practice with, I really am trying."

The waitress then arrived before Lanie could reply. Once she had taken their order, she said. "In that case, I don't think that it's odd that your feelings haven't changed that much. You're in love with him, Kate. That doesn't just fade. At least not that kind of love. And while you can move on from it, it'll always be there." She paused as she took a sip of her wine, then asked, "Can I ask you a question?"

Kate nodded.

"Do you regret pushing him away?"

Kate looked down at her hands entwined in her lap, her hair falling down around her face. After a minute or so, she looked back up and said, "Yes and no."

"What does that mean, girl?" Lanie asked perplexed. "It has to be one or the other, right?"

Kate shook her head as she took a fortifying sip of her club soda before she replied, "For me, I regret it because it wasn't the right choice. I should have given him a chance to explain himself for going away that summer. I should also have had the courage to explain that I broke up with Demming and had agreed to his invitation." She paused, gathering her thoughts before continuing, "I guess it's both our faults really. We've both been burnt before, and were too afraid to admit what we felt was real."

She paused again, taking a sip of her drink. "But Castle's a cop now," Kate continued. "I've talked to Javi and Kevin and they say that he's changed a lot; grown up even. If it has been good for him, then I can't regret that."

"He is still in love with you, you know," Lanie blurted out before her eyes widened in realization to what she'd just said. _Dammit, girl, _she thought. _Keep that trap closed. You don't want her to run._

Kate sat there at the table, staring at her friend in shock. _How could Castle still be in love with me after what I'd done to him? That's not possible. He hasn't even tried to contact me in four years._

_Yes but, _the voice in her head countered. _You didn't call either. You could have contacted him at any time. And you're the one that pushed him away._

"That's not possible, Lanie," Kate said in denial. "There's no way, after all this time, that he could possibly still have feelings for me, not after the way I treated him."

"I know it's true, Kate," Lanie gently countered. "I can see it in his eyes every time your name is mentioned or when he talks about you. I know I shouldn't have said anything but you know me and my big mouth." She grinned, eliciting a matching one from Kate. "At first, he became a cop so that he could at least work his way back to you."

"He told you he still loves me?" Kate asked tremulously with disbelief in her voice, wanting to believe what Lanie was saying was true.

"Not in so many words," Lanie answered with a gentle nod. "But it's there. You should talk to him. It's what you two should have done in the first place. Ignoring what you feel just to protect yourself isn't a good solution. It only ends in heartbreak for both of you. And yes, neither one of you are blameless in this situation, as you've said before, that doesn't mean you can't fix it."

"Even after all this time?" Kate whispered in wonderment and disbelief.

"What do you have to lose? It isn't as if he can walk out of your life again. At least you'll know where you stand. It may be awkward, and it will take some time, but talking about it is the only way to fix this. That is, if you want it to be fixed."

At that point the waitress came back with their orders and set them down in front of them. When she walked away, Kate said, unsure about the notion of talking to Castle, "I don't know, Lanie. Let me think about it?"

"That's all I ask, Kate," Lanie said. "And on a lighter note, wanna be my maid of honor?"

Kate who had been taking a sip of her drink, choked and said, "What?"

"You heard me, girl," Lanie said with a smile. "It has been lonely around without you, and I don't have any other friends who would really fit the bill. I mean I suppose I could ask Perlmutter, but he'd look funny in a dress. Unless you really don't want to, I'll find someone else. I would've have had to anyways if you hadn't come seen me tonight . . . "

"Lanie, stop, you're babbling," Kate chuckled. "Of course I'll be your maid of honor. I've been avoiding you long enough. Maybe some dress shopping might be just what the doctor ordered."

Lanie smiled, and said, "All right. But you can't show a bride up at her own wedding."

"Can't have that," Kate agreed with a smile, happy that her friend had found a measure of happiness. She hopes she'd find her own as well. "I can't believe you're getting married! I feel like such a girl right now."

"I can't believe I'm getting hitched either," Lanie said, looking down at her left hand, admiring her engagement ring. "I mean I know it been four years on and off, but I still never thought we'd get here. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be married until he actually asked me. Once the question came out of his mouth, I knew then and there what my answer would be," she reminisced the moment with a sigh. She looked up from her plate and asked, "Do you think you'll ever get married?"

Again, Kate looked away, not wanting her friend to see the expression on her face. "I can't answer that, Lanie. Not right now."

"Oh?" Lanie paused. "It has to be something you've thought about, right?"

Kate nodded before adding softly and wistfully, "There is only one man that I'd ever do it with."

_Oh, shit,_ Lanie thought. "Oh, sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you. You should call him. It'll do you a ton of good."

"I . . . " Beckett began, paused before taking a fortifying breath, and replied, "I will. It's time for me to stop hiding and seek out what I want. I should have done this four years ago." She looked at Lanie with determination.

_"__Little steps, Kate,"_ Burke had said in one of her session with him. _Don't rush headlong unprepared, but don't take too long either._

"Do you have his number or is it still the same?"

Lanie took out her phone, swiped her thumb and sent Castle's number to Kate's phone. Once Kate had received the number, Lanie steered the conversation away from weddings and men. They talked about what had happened to them in the past four years, just wanting to catch up.

As they talked Kate's mind wandered towards a future she had begun to give up hope of ever happening. A future with her father walking her down the aisle towards a ruggedly handsome man with startling blue eyes. When she had kicked Castle out of the 12th four years earlier, she knew she had feelings for him that were really strong. During those years, after learning to think about things, and after talking them out with Burke, she realized that her feelings towards Castle had actually grown despite him being out of her life. She had asked him how that could even be possible, and his response had surprised her, "_It's because you've finally admitted to yourself that you have feelings for him. They were always this strong, you just didn't have the strength to admit it then."_

Now, sitting in a booth at Remy's, listening to her friend talk about some of Javier's antics, she thought that perhaps – _perhaps – _she could finally do something about those feelings, and that maybe someday she could have that perfect ending.

_Someday…_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – Sorry again for the delay. With the holidays and a few work emergencies, this story fell by the wayside for a little while. And I got distracted with another idea (read **_**The Letter**_** if you like angst). This chapter is a little shorter than the previous ones, and there is a time jump in the middle, so pay attention.**

**Just a note, this story will be borrowing from some canon events in the next few chapters. Those events will be out of order, and will be tweaked a bit to fit the story. So if for some unreal reason you're not caught up on Seasons 3, 4, 5, and 6 of Castle, be warned that there will be some mild spoilers coming up very soon.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. If I did it would have been canceled years ago, so thank God I don't.**

**Thanks so much to Foxmac for being a fantastic beta. Not only do you make the story better, you keep me motivated and working towards the finish line. You'll never know how much that means to me. Thank you.**

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Chapter Five

**May 25****th**** 2014**

When Castle entered The Old Haunt, his head was pounding. Over the last week, he had finally gotten his wish for a big robbery case, and it wasn't going well. He had just worked sixteen hours straight and was only taking a much needed break from the case due to the fact that his body was screaming at him to rest, and was hoping his friends and a few drinks would help clear his mind.

He found Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito sitting at a booth near the back of the bar. "Hey, guys," he greeted them as he approached the booth. "How's it going?"

"Bro!" Esposito greeted him, his hand raised for a fist bump. "Still wearing that detective's shield like it's some sort of badge, huh," he added with a teasing grin, unable to help himself since Castle was promoted.

"Yeah, yeah," Castle said with a smile and returned Esposito's fist-bump with one of his own before taking a seat next to Ryan.

"Hey, Castle," Lanie said. "How was your week?"

"Yeah, did you finally catch a good one?" Ryan added, bumping Castle's fist in greeting.

"Yeah and it's a doozy let me tell you," Castle replied with a tired sigh. "Nowhere near solving it. This is karma, I tell you, coming to bite me in the ass. I complained for the last two weeks about only solving these 'mediocre robberies'. Now I get one that we might never solve."

"What's the case?" Lanie asked, her interest piqued.

"Serial art robber," Castle began as he helped himself to some beer nuts. "But it's strange, the guy only takes one piece of art per job, even though these houses have a ton of expensive artwork. It isn't even always the most expensive piece that gets grabbed. Always leaves behind two playing cards where the art was hanging, so we know they are all related. No prints. No connection between the targets. We've got nothing," he finished with a shrug.

"Sounds interesting, bro," Esposito said.

"So what about you, guys," Castle began as he waved to a passing waiter and put his order in. "Any good murders lately?"

"We just wrapped up one you would have loved, Castle. A beauty queen was shot during a pageant. We just caught the guy today. Beckett is still there doing paperwork," Ryan replied.

"Sorry I missed it," Castle said with little enthusiasm. "Sounds like something right up my alley," he added with a slight grin, reminiscing about his time spent with his friends. In reality, he had changed a lot over the last four years. Gone was the playboy millionaire, who used to grace Page Six with regularity. Now he was a cop, and his interest in bedding every woman out there had disappeared. While he knew it was a lost cause, there was only one woman he would ever want.

The others looked at each other but said nothing. The rest of the conversation was spent on other cases that Esposito, Ryan, and Beckett had been working since the group had last been together. It was an enjoyable night for Castle, and it helped him clear his mind of all his recent case-related details that was taking residence in his head. They talked and enjoyed each other's company for a couple hours before Castle looked at his watch and said, "Guys, I've got to get home and get some shut-eye. I've got to get back to work early."

"You're getting to be a lot like Beckett, Castle," Esposito teased.

"I'll take that as compliment, man. She's still the best cop I know," Castle said seriously.

"Hey!" Ryan and Esposito shouted in unison. "What are we? Chopped liver?" Ryan added.

Rick just smiled down at them as he rose from the table. "I had a good time, guys. I'll see you in a couple weeks. Maybe we can do a poker night or something."

"That sounds great," Ryan said.

"See you, guys, later," Castle said as he threw them all a wave and headed towards the bar to settle his tab.

When he got home, he thought back over the facts of the case. It bothered him that there was something that they were missing. It didn't help that Murray's last day was coming up fast, and he wasn't being helpful at all. _Of course, that's nothing new,_ he thought wryly. The good news is that his friend, Brian Fisher, after passing his Detective's exam, was being promoted and assigned as his partner. _That should be a lot of fun,_ Castle thought with a smile.

They were calling this serial thief The Blackjack Robber due to the playing cards he left behind at every crime scene. He or she had had struck four times and it always seemed to happen on a Thursday night with targeted homeowners away for the night with no sign of a break-in. All the homes had alarms too, which was another odd thing, being that all were active at the time of the theft and none of them had any signs of being tampered with nor had they gone off.

To say that they had no leads was putting it mildly. The Captain and the Mayor were both breathing down their necks to get it solved. Some of the victims had connections with the city's elite, which put even more pressure on Castle and Murray to solve the case as soon as possible. Unlike when he worked with Beckett, the Robbery Division worked with detectives in teams of two instead of four. And since Murray was useless to say the least, Castle felt like he had the weight of the world riding on his shoulders. _Maybe I am like Beckett in that way,_ he thought in a contemplative mood.

He had always had a staunch sense of justice; it is that which had led him to follow Kate Beckett in the first place. Though, of course, that had eventually changed to an infatuation instead of research as he'd initially sold to both the Commissioner and Captain Montgomery. In his books, he had always strove to make sure that all the loose ends had been tied up by the end of the book. Justice was always served. He knew from his experiences as Beckett's shadow that sometimes the good guys lost and the bad guys got away. But now that he was a cop himself, he hated it even more. It made him work harder to do what was right; to get justice and to correct what had gone wrong.

While he had been looking forward to a complex case to solve, this case was driving him nuts because he couldn't see a way to solve it. No matter how many theories he came up with, there simply wasn't any evidence. _There's nothing for it now,_ he thought, _but to dig deeper and hope to God something pops up to give us a lead._

xxxxxx

**June 8****th**** 2014**

**4:30PM**

Castle was enjoying a rare lazy day at home when his phone rang. He knew that Alexis was moving into her apartment in DC. They had spent the week before hanging out and it had seemed a little like old times, though he knew that he'd never be as close to his little girl as he once was. She was all grown up. She hadn't even wanted help moving into her apartment, where she would live while working for a law firm in DC. She was studying pre-law and had gotten a prestigious internship at one of the most powerful Washington, DC law firms. Needless to say, he was very proud.

So since he knew it couldn't be Alexis, he wondered who could it be. He walked over to his desk near the outside wall of the apartment, where his phone was plugged into the Bose dock. He picked it up and swiped the screen to answer it. The number wasn't one he recognized.

"Hello?" he asked curiously.

For a minute all that he heard was silence on the other end of the line. He looked down at the screen again to see if the call was still connected and then placed it back to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked again, this time with more force.

"Castle?"

When he heard her voice, his knees almost gave out. Of all the people to call him, _she_ was the last one he would ever expect. He hadn't heard her voice in four years. Sure he had seen her a couple times but never face to face. In fact, he had strove not to see her. He wasn't ready yet and wasn't sure how she would react to the changes in his life. He stumbled into his office chair and pressed the phone tighter to his head.

"Beckett? Is that you?"

xxxxxxxx

A/N 2 – Don't hate me for the cliff hanger please.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – Again, make sure you're paying attention to the dates. There will be another date break in the middle of this one, but not a time jump. The beginning of this one goes back a little in time as we jump back to Beckett's perspective.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews and favs, they mean the world to me. Thanks again to the wonderful Foxmac for her continued support and wonderful edits. We wouldn't be here without you.**

**Disclaimer: No I do not own Castle, silly.**

xxxxx

Chapter 6

**June 7****th**** 2014**

She still hadn't called. Ever since Lanie had given her his new number, she had been looking at her phone every night, hoping to build up the courage she would need for the conversation she wasn't sure she should have. Tonight was no different. She sat on the edge of her bed after a long day at work, wearing a hooded NYPD sweatshirt and a pair of black yoga pants, staring at her phone as if it might give her the pep talk she needed to actually make the call.

She knew that she wanted to call him. She missed him. She had missed him for the last four years. If she were honest with herself, which she was trying to do more often, she had lied to Lanie that night at Remy's. She did regret severing ties with Castle and should have taken him back. That mistake was what was keeping her from calling him, however. What if he didn't want to talk to her? Lanie had said that he was still in love with her after? But what if he wasn't?

He was obviously a different person now, and so was she. She was much more whole, more willing to open up to her friends, and she now knew for a fact that she loved him. She just didn't know what to do about it.

_Just call him._

She picked up her phone, swiped to unlock her phone. Her hands were shaking so bad that it took her two tries to enter the four-digit code. When the phone's icon finally appeared, she paused. She could feel the panic rising in her chest, and the tears threatening to slide down her cheeks. She sat there for what seemed like an eternity, touching the screen over and over to make sure it didn't lock itself again, but she couldn't bring herself to tap the phone icon and make the call that could change her life. Or destroy it.

After even more time sitting there staring at her phone, she threw it on the nightstand in disgust. _C__oward,_ she thought to herself vehemently. _C__an't even face him on the phone. For Christ's sake, you're going to be a Captain in the NYPD by the end of the year, you should be able to at least call him and say I'm sorry. Gah!_ she added with a huff of frustration, hugging her pillow in an attempt to find comfort as she crawled underneath the covers, turned off the bedside lamp, and sighed in resignation. Sleep wasn't going to be easy tonight, she was sure of that.

xxxxxx

**June 8****th**** 2014**

**7:30 AM**

For the first time in almost two years, Kate Beckett went to her therapist's office for an unscheduled visit. She still had monthly visits, but she needed to talk to someone, and for the last four years, Doctor William Burke was the man she talked to. At first, she hadn't trusted him but after a while, she not only trusted what he had to say but that he would actually listen and not judge her.

When she entered the receptionist's office early that morning, she was extremely nervous. She hadn't felt these sort of nerves since her first time coming in here, and she was unsure why now of all times the nerves had chosen to come back. She was the first appointment of the day, so the waiting room was completely empty. The receptionist was just getting in and settling in for her day's work. When she caught sight of Beckett, she greeted her saying, "Hello, Detective. Doctor Burke just got in. He'll see you in a few minutes."

"Thanks, Karen," Beckett said with a shy smile and sat down in one of the chairs and picked up a magazine from the table along the wall. She flipped through the pages aimlessly, not taking in anything on the page. She thought back to last night and her continued inability to make the phone call she so wanted to make. She was a strong person, she knew that, so she didn't know why calling Castle was causing so much fear and panic. She was hoping that the good doctor would, as he had done before, be able to help her understand what was going on in her own mind.

The door to the doctor's office opened and Doctor Burke peeked out and called out her name. She stood and walked toward the door, her nerves reaching a fever pitch. "Kate, it's been a while since we've had an unscheduled visit. Is everything okay?" he asked as he closed the door behind him. Normally, he'd wait until she was seated to start asking questions, but this is so out of the ordinary he couldn't quite help himself.

"I still haven't called Castle," she began without preamble, flopping down in her normal seat with a groan. "And it's starting to interfere with things. I look at my phone every night for hours on end and still can't bring myself to call him. What's wrong with me?" she asked.

Burke walked over to the chair across from her and asked, "Do you know why you haven't called him?"

"I'm scared," she said simply.

"Scared of what?" he gently prompted.

"Of a lot of things, I guess," she replied with a shrug. "What if he doesn't accept my call or what if he did take the call, what then? Hell, I'm even scared that it might go well, where does that lead? Does it mean we have a future? I'm just scared."

"But you want to call him?"

"Yes. I miss his voice. I miss his crazy theories. I miss the coffee he always brought me in the morning." She sighed. "I sound like a love sick teenager," she added ruefully.

"It took you a while to admit to it, but you're in love, and as of now you're not doing anything about it. That's why you feel this frustration. Let's say you call him tonight, what are you going to say to him?"

"I don't know!" she shouted, standing up and walking to the window. On the street below, New Yorkers of every shape and size were walking their way to the beginnings of a new day, rushing this way and that, all of them with a place to go, people to see, lives to live. Kate felt like she was being left behind, a stationary object surrounded by everyone else in motion.

"Do you plan on telling him you love him?"

"Eventually, but I don't think that's something you say during your first conversation in four years. It'd be, I don't know, it'd be weird."

"Okay, let me ask you this: in your best case scenario, what happens during this call?"

She paused, thinking it through. "We talk," she replied after a few moments, turning to pace in front of him. "Maybe agree to get coffee, we catch up. I apologize for kicking him out four years ago. I'm the one that drove him away that summer, he didn't deserve the way I treated him. Hopefully, he'll accept my apology and we can maybe be friends again. See each other socially for a while and then maybe we can be more."

"There doesn't seem to be anything unreasonable in what you're hoping for. What about the worst case?"

"He accepts my call but is uninterested in becoming friends again," she said, taking her seat across from him again.

"What do you have to lose? You aren't friends right now, so if he says no, then the only thing that changes is that you know where you stand. Then you can truly move on. The only way, Kate, that you'll know how this plays out if you are brave enough to make the first move. It seems obvious that he isn't going to because he thinks that you don't care for him. So call him." He paused to let his words sink in. "Is there anything else you need to ask?"

"I'll call him, I guess. But no, I'm still worried. I guess you're right. I have little to lose."

"Okay. So I haven't really been giving you assignments recently, but I think we both know what you need to do before your next visit," he said, as they headed towards the door.

"I'll call him. Today."

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**June 8****th**** 2014**

**5 PM**

"Hello," she heard over the earpiece for the second time. At the sound of his voice, her breath caught and her heart rose to her throat. She couldn't do this. But, oh, how she had missed his voice.

Her finger hovered over the end call button but she couldn't bring herself to press it. Now that she had him on the line she didn't know what to do. She sat on the edge of her living room couch; phone pressed tightly to her ear for what seemed like hours wondering how she was going to proceed. Now that she had called him, what should she say?

"Castle," she tentatively said, halting as she didn't know what else to say next.

"Beckett? Is that you?"

He still recognized her voice. _At least that was a good start,_ she thought with some relief.

"Yeah, Rick, it's me," she replied, her breathing shallow and her arms shaking.

"Is something wrong? Is everyone okay?"

Of course he would think something was wrong. Why else would she call him out of the blue after four years of complete radio silence?

"No, no, everyone's fine," she reassured him. "I just . . . uh . . . I wanted to call. I . . . " she trailed off, still not knowing what she wanted to say. _Why is this so hard?_ She thought. She had already admitted to herself – as well as Lanie and Burke – that she was – and still is – in love with the man. So why was starting this conversation so hard?

"Okay, that's good. How . . . uh . . . how are you?"

_Leave it to Castle to make this easier,_ she thought smiling. "I'm good, real good. I miss you," she added, the last part slipping out before she could think more about it.

Although she couldn't see it, she knew that Castle was smiling when he said, "I miss you too, Kate. Guess we really messed everything up, huh?"

She laughed, relaxing slightly. "God, yes. I'm so sorry, Castle. I should have never kicked you out. I was just so upset about that summer, and so damn hurt that you ran off with Gina that I couldn't get passed it. I knew I made a mistake the minute you left the precinct but I was so stubborn." Now that she had started to talk, she couldn't seem to stop herself. "I'm so sorry," she said again, tears now running down her cheeks.

"No, Kate, don't be sorry," Castle's voice gentled as though to console her. "It was for the best. If I had stayed, I'd still be that same nine-year-old man-child on a sugar rush, playboy mystery novelist. I've grown up a lot since then."

"How do you like being a real cop," she asked.

"I remember why I never helped you with paperwork, that's for sure," he said with a laugh.

"Ha! Payback at last," she said with a snort.

"Yeah, well, it seems as if the universe hates me as I always get to do my partner's paperwork too."

"Oh, you've got a partner who doesn't do their own paperwork? Sounds like a winner."

"He's the very pictorial definition of a lazy ass, that's for sure," he said deprecatingly. "However, he's only with us for another couple weeks before he retires."

They talked about their current cases for the next twenty minutes and then there was a silence before Beckett asked, "Hey, do you think we could meet for coffee or something someday?" She bit her lip, unsure about his answer. _Say yes,_ she thought. _Please say yes._

He smiled into the phone, "Yeah, that sounds great. Maybe we can do it before or after work one day? I know we both work crazy hours. What with this case I'm currently working on; plus, having to break in a new partner . . . " he trailed off and paused awkwardly as another thought seemed to cross his mind. "Unless . . . "

"Unless, what?" she prompted, hopefully.

"Unless you'd like to meet for dinner tonight? It's my day off."

"That sounds nice. Where would we go?"

"I'm not up for anywhere fancy. Living on a cop's salary isn't nearly as fun as it once sounded," he said with a laugh. "So maybe we could just do Remy's. You still like their food, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Though I've only been there once in the last four years," she added without thinking about it.

"Why's that? You loved going there," he asked, puzzled.

Well, what could she say to that? Should she tell him that the reason she hadn't been going to Remy's was because it reminded her too much of _him_? Or make up some sort of food poisoning story?

"I couldn't stand to go there," she began in a small but honest voice. "Because it reminded me so much of our time together."

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not your fault, Rick," she quickly reassured him. "I'm sure it wasn't an easy four years for you either." She paused as she gathered her courage to say what needed to be said. "Let's talk about it tonight as there's some things that I want to say to you that I think you should hear from me. Shall I meet you there?"

"Yeah, sure. About seven? That will give us both a couple hours."

"Sounds good. I'll see you then."

"Okay. And, Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for calling. I've missed you too," he said shyly.

"Me too, Rick. I'll see you at seven."

When she hung up, her nervousness was completely gone and there was a huge smile lighting up her face. That had gone better than she had hoped. Now it was just a matter of finding something to wear.

Maybe that _someday_ is nearer than she had hoped . . .

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**Review if you're still liking this story and if you have any ideas on how their face to face should go. Next chapter is in progress and should be with my beta today or tomorrow.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N – Here's chapter 7. We'll see both character's POV in this chapter, I hope that I've made it clear enough.**

**I know the plot is moving a little slowly, but it will pick up in the next couple chapters. This isn't an exclusively a relationship fic. We'll get to see more of Richard the cop, instead of Richard the man who loves Kate Beckett, if that makes sense.**

**Thanks for your reviews and follows, they mean the world to me. Thanks again to Foxmac for being the best beta an author could ask for.**

**Disclaimer: Insert something funny here about me not owning Castle.**

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Chapter Seven

**Remy's Diner**

**June 8****th**** 2014**

**7PM**

When Kate Beckett entered Remy's later that night, her nerves had come back full force. Even though the call had gone extremely well, she couldn't help but think that this could go awfully wrong. Talking face to face was much more intimidating than talking on the phone. She looked towards what had been their favorite booth when he had been shadowing her and saw that he was already sitting there waiting for her. As she approached, he looked up from the newspaper he had been reading and smiled at her. He set the paper down and stood, bringing her in for a tight hug.

The first thing she noticed was how fit he looked and felt, if that hug was any indication. He had never been out of shape really but now he was . . . buff. _Yup, that's the word I'd use,_ she thought as they disengaged and she took her seat.

They hadn't actually said anything to each other yet, both of them just taking in the appearance of the other. Beckett couldn't tear her gaze away from his eyes. God, how she had missed his eyes . . .

. . . his smile . . .

. . . him.

She had missed him so much, and she was only realizing how much now that she was sitting here across from him in their favorite diner.

"So . . . " he prompted after what felt like hours staring at each other.

"So . . . " she said at the same time.

He laughed, "Is it just me or is this is a little awkward?"

She shook her head with a smile. "No, it's been a long time. A lot has changed in four years since we've seen or talked to each other. What we need is some sort of social ice breaker like they used to do in school, remember?"

"Yeah," he said, remembering such an instance during his school years. "They used to do it in each school I went to on the first day of class. So, any ideas?"

"How's Alexis?" She knew that asking about his daughter would be the best way to get them talking.

Castle gave a slight nod of approval. "She's great," he replied. "She's a junior now at Stanford and spending this summer interning at a DC law firm. She's studying pre-law."

"That's what I was studying before . . . well, you know." She cleared her throat to dispel to unease she still felt when anyone mentioned her mother's demise. "How did she feel about you entering the Academy?"

"She was hesitant at first, but she's okay with me being a cop now. I think she might even be proud. Though me giving up writing wasn't something she ever thought I'd do."

"I can't believe you did it either, really. I miss having a new Richard Castle book to read each year. One Nikki Heat book wasn't enough. And to think that it was my fault there weren't any more makes me a little sick to be honest," she said, looking down at the menu. The restaurant was busy for a Sunday night and the waitress hadn't been by to take their orders.

"It was for the best, I think. When I met you I got back into writing because you inspired me to do so. But after a while I realized I liked what you do better than writing. So don't feel guilty about it. I've moved on to something I like to do better." He shrugged. "Who knows, I might write again someday. I still do some writing on the side, but nothing that will ever be published." He paused again, as the waitress finally came to take their orders. "So you know about the big changes in my life over the last four years, what about you?" While he had been kept in the loop somewhat about Beckett over the last four years thanks to Lanie and the boys, they didn't share everything.

"No big changes," she replied. "I moved to another new apartment last year because the pipes broke in the apartment I moved into after the Dunn case, and my dad got married again which was weird for me, but other than that I threw myself into work after I kicked you out. Let's just say I didn't handle it well."

"I'm sorry I caused you pain, Kate," he said, apologetically. "I left that summer because I couldn't stand to see you with Demming. Gina called and I figured she'd be a good distraction. But after that weekend, she left because we remembered why we got divorced in the first place. I didn't call because I didn't want to interfere in your life with Demming."

"This is weird, isn't it?" she asked rhetorically.

"What is?" he responded.

"Us," she replied, waving a hand between the two of them. "Talking like this. We were never this open before."

He nodded as he replied, "We should have been. It would have saved us both a lot of heartache."

"I was going to go with you, you know," Kate said after a moment of silence. "To the Hamptons, I mean."

"I know," he replied with a nod. "Lanie told me a couple years back. I almost called you then, but I didn't know what to say." He paused, gathering his courage before asking, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she said.

"Why now? I mean, why did you call me now?"

Kate paused as she gathered her thoughts. _Why now, indeed,_ she thought. "I've been in therapy for the last four years. Like I said, I didn't handle the situation well and I went back behind my walls and started to act like I did when my mom died, only worse. I treated everyone like crap, worked around the clock, didn't eat, and almost got shot a couple times because I was so distracted. Montgomery finally had enough. He put me on suspension and put me in mandatory therapy. It took a few months but I got my badge back, but I continued to see the therapist.

"He's helped me to realize what I threw away. I was ready to call you a year ago, but I . . . I don't know. I guess I thought that you wouldn't want to hear from me. Then I talked to Lanie a few weeks ago and we had our first good and friendly talk in four years.

"We talked about you, and she gave me your number. I guess that's the best reason why I chose to do it now. It still took me weeks to get up the courage. I was sure you wouldn't even want to talk to me."

"I thought the same about you," he said with a sigh. "That's why I didn't call either."

The conversation turned from there to lighter topics and they spent the next two hours talking about what they had been doing over the last four years. Castle talked about how he had been affected by giving up his fortune and living on a cop's salary. Beckett told him about how she was about to get promoted, and how she was starting to study for the Captain's exam. They discussed Castle's meteoric rise to a Detective Second Class, and how he felt about being the fastest to that position in NYPD history.

While the conversation was easy, Kate could tell that a lot had changed in the last four years. The man sitting across from her still smiled and laughed a lot, and he still had that adorable way of smiling that was meant just for her. But he was much more mature, more serious, and spent less time flirting and veiling his words in innuendo.

Castle could also see differences in his dinner companion. Her eyes were just as beautiful as ever, but they were more expressive than they had been. She was more open with her expressions, and he could tell from the way that she talked that she was much more willing to share things about herself than she had ever been before. If anything it made her more attractive, which he didn't even think was possible.

The conversation went into their personal lives without them even realizing it.

"So, anyone special in your life, Mr. Castle," Beckett asked as she took a fortifying drink from her wine expecting the worse.

"No, I've been working so much that there really hasn't been time for anything like that," Castle replied, wondering why she was asking. _Besides,_ he thought, _I've been waiting for you, no matter how unrealistic that was before today._ "What about you?"

"No. Not since Demming." Okay, so she hadn't really meant to confess that much.

Castle's brow rose in surprise but he simply nodded and looked down at his almost empty wine glass.

The awkwardness that had been present when they first sat down had suddenly returned. For her part, Kate didn't know how she wanted the rest of this conversation to go.

Okay, that was a lie. She knew how she wanted it to go, she just didn't know how to get there. How do you go from four years of radio silence to asking the man you are already in love with out on a date? In the history of awkward situations this one had to take the cake, right?

"Would you . . . ?" she began then trailed off, looking down so that her hair hid her face.

"Kate?"

"Can I ask you a question that could be potentially really awkward?"

"Sure, I love awkward questions," he smiled, trying to make it easier for her.

She huffed a breath at his attempt for levity. "When you left for that summer, you had . . . I don't know, you were interested in more, you know, with me. But I was with Demming then, and that's why you left, right?" She already knew the answer, so she continued, "You deciding to leave made me realize that I might want more too. With you.

"My question is, do you still want more? I know that four years is a long time," she added quickly. "And that we've both changed. I'm not suggesting we jump right into this or anything, but are you still interested in- God! Why is this so hard?" she took a deep breath, then asked in a rush, "Are you still interested in me?"

Castle, who had been looking at her while she had been speaking, looked back down at the table between them. "Four years _is_ a long time, Kate," he began. "I'm not sure what you're asking of me? We're not the same people as we were. At least I'm not. I . . ." he trailed off, looking up at her and then back down at his empty plate.

_Oh, God, _Kate thought, _doesn't he love me anymore? Have I waited too long?_ She was panicking now. This had been a huge mistake. No matter how well their phone call had gone, seeing him, and telling him that she wanted more had been a mistake. Now he was going to break her heart, and she couldn't handle that again. A broken heart had been what drove her to self-destruct after that summer. She couldn't do this again, not now.

She had to flee.

But before she could get up and run out of the diner, he continued. "I love you, Kate. Even after four years, that hasn't changed. Trust me, I've tried to get over you, because I never thought that there would be a chance for us after we parted ways. To be honest, it hurt that you wouldn't take me back after that summer. I didn't really understand why you were so mad then. I was just trying to be the gentleman and step aside so that you could find some measure of happiness with Demming. I know I didn't call, but in my mind that didn't really justify the anger. So yeah, I was hurt, but I've gotten over it in the last four years. I understand, at least a little, how you must have felt, now that I know that you were going to come with me. It made much more sense once I knew.

"So to answer your questions: Yes, I am still interested in you; and yes, I still want more. Maybe . . . Maybe we could start over? Go out on a date or two and see where this would take us?" He sounded just as hesitant as her, and she now realized that this was just as awkward and uncomfortable for him as it was for her.

"That sounds nice. I know we can't pick up where we left off, but maybe we can work towards that again."

He smiled at her, and her heart melted. God, how she missed that smile. With its charm aimed at her once more – something she never thought she'd see again – she felt her heart lightened, giving her hope that this would turn out all right. Tears started to fall down her cheeks again, but a matching smile broke on her face. "Oh, and, Castle? I love you too."

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When she got home that night she walked into her bedroom in a happy daze, threw herself on her bed, and giggled and laughed like a high school girl with her first crush. God, she was so ridiculous.

When they had parted ways at the restaurant, they had arranged to go to dinner the following week. They had left with a promise to call or text each other to arrange a specific time and date since neither one knew when a case would drop and work would become inevitable. And despite the awkwardness of the conversation, Kate felt hope for the first time in four years.

They were going to do this . . . together. With time and effort, she knew deep down, that they could work towards a future together. She had to admit, having hope felt really good.

That night she had her best sleep in over four years. _Someday_ was right around the corner.

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A/N 2 – Please leave a review to let me know if you still like the direction of this story.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – Quite a time jump here, folks. We're getting into the meat of the story now, so be excited. I know the last chapters were all about the relationship between our two leads, but despite all appearances, this is not a relationship fic. It has taken some time to get that stuff out of the way, which is what we've done up until now.**

**We'll still get a lot of Caskett, but a lot more of this story will be case related. I will try to blend them as much as possible so it seems cohesive. **

**Thanks once again for all the follows, faves, and reviews. They mean the world to me.**

**Thanks to Foxmac for being a terrific beta. We wouldn't be this far if it weren't for you. I'd probably still be stuck on chapter 3.**

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own Castle, nor will I ever. Would love to meet the cast, though.**

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Chapter Eight

**September 3****rd****, 2014**

The amazing thing about being a cop wasn't arresting the bad guys or even solving the puzzle. The amazing part, at least for Richard Castle, was helping the victims. He knew from having followed Kate Beckett around for two years that she saw it the same way. But even back then, he enjoyed the puzzle more; enjoyed finding the story and knowing how it ended.

Now that he was a cop, he finally understood completely how satisfying it was to help the victims of a crime get justice and some form of closure. One of the first cases he and his new partner, Fisher – or more affectionately called Geezer within the 54th – after Murray had _finally_ retired, had been a special experience. The thief had stolen a family heirloom that had been passed down over the course of three centuries. It was about to be passed down again as the father of the victim had just died. Fisher and Castle had worked hard over the course of three days to find the thief and recover the stolen ring. Seeing the joy on the son's face once the ring was returned was something that Castle would remember for the rest of his life.

The Blackjack Robber, however, was still on the loose. There were no new leads on whoever the thief was, and he – _or she,_ Castle mentally added – was still enjoying their crime spree. Like clockwork, Castle and Fisher would get a call about a new robbery every Friday morning. The details were always the same: locked room robbery, alarm still in place, and the Blackjack calling card in lieu of the stolen item with no variance to give them a clue or lead into the investigation. They had been keeping an eye out for the stolen works of art to appear on the market someplace, but so far nothing had come up for sale.

The past three months had been a mixture of excitement, hard work, romance, and tons of paperwork. Over that time, Kate and Rick had gotten close again. Due to the fact that they were both extremely busy with work, they didn't get a chance to go out for real dress-up style dates that often, so they settled for doing a movie night once a week, sometimes more often. They were doing well, and had rediscovered that spark that had existed between them when they used to work together four years ago. They weren't jumping into things but they were slowly working towards the future they both wanted.

That Wednesday found Castle sitting in the bullpen at the 54th, sipping a water – he still wouldn't drink precinct's coffee – trading theories with Fisher. Fisher had taken to being a detective fairly quickly, and more importantly for Castle, he did his own paperwork. Their friendship – started when they both attended the Academy together as mature-age entrants – had grown over the last three months, and Castle knew that he couldn't ask for a better partner.

"He has to be selling them on the black market somewhere," Fisher said. "The fence he has is probably a foreigner who does all of his business overseas."

Both were going over the Blackjack Robber case, and where the thief might be offloading his stolen artifacts.

"If that's the case," Castle hedged, "We're never going to catch him. We don't have the manpower to monitor everywhere in the world where one of these pieces might come up. It's likely that if we do get a break, it'll be because one of the buyers had brought it back stateside or sold it again," he added, turning back to his never ending pile of paperwork. "So what are you going to do on your day off tomorrow? It still pisses me off that you get every Thursday off. You always stick me with all the work," he added with a mock-grumble.

"Yeah, well, bite me," Fisher replied. "You've been getting Saturdays off so you can spend time with your girlfriend." He paused, then asked, "How is Kate doing, by the way?"

"She's good," Castle answered, then added, "We're good. I think that I'm going to ask her to move in with me in a few weeks. I don't know if she'll say yes but we've been taking it slow for a few months, and I think I'm ready to speed it up, at least a little. How about you and Jess?"

"She's great," Fisher replied with a smile. "Pissed at me at the moment because I can't go up with her to see her aunt this weekend but she'll get over it eventually. She knew when I became a cop that I'd have to work on weekends most often. I mean it's nice to have one guaranteed day off a week so that we can spend that time together, but sometimes we want to do something and work gets in the way, you know?"

"Yeah," Castle agreed with a nod in sympathy. "It's even worse when both of you are cops. But we're good, so I'm sure you guys will be too." He signed his report with a flourish. "Alright, I'm done." He looked up as he put the file in his outbox. "How about you? How much do you have left?"

Fisher took a glance at his pile. "A few, but I'll be out in a half hour."

Castle stood up and grabbed his jacket. Pulling it over his shoulders he said, "See you on Friday. Have a good day off."

"Yeah, you too, Papi," Fisher affectionately called back, using Castle's call-sign that he'd earned during their Academy days.

Castle strode over to the elevator and looked back to the precinct while he waited for the car to arrive. Since he had started in May, this place had become like a second home to him. Originally, he was discouraged that he didn't get right into Homicide, but he has come to like working in Robbery. While most of the cases are small, but when Murray had left, the job had gotten so much more satisfying and he had come to love everything about it. He still wanted to go to Homicide eventually, but he no longer regretted being assigned to Robbery.

The elevator arrived and he started towards his apartment. Once he got home, he took off his jacket, and started to look for some food to cook. He would give Kate a call later on when he knew she would be home. Overall, his life was good and getting better.

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Later that night, he was about to call Beckett when his phone rang. Normally, he called her, so he wasn't expecting it to be Kate. He looked at the caller ID and the number came up as UNKNOWN.

_Who could it be?_ He curiously thought as he swiped his phone to answer it. "Hello?"

"Detective Castle," the unknown voice began. "My name is Mr. Smith . . ."

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**A/N 2 – I know this chapter feels like a filler, at least up until the end, but believe it or not, there are pieces of information here that will be important to the story. (hint hint). **

**Reviews are amazing, and if you would leave one for me, I'd be eternally grateful. **


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Castle, Crime, Romance