Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース 1. Default Chapter

**The Love Connection**

*Disclaimer*- Hear ye, Hear ye none of these characters are mine. Hear ye, Hear ye please do not sue me because I can't afford the fine.

****

Authors note- Extra, Extra read all about it! Young girl goes on chocolate binge and this is roduct! Extra Extra read all about it! This story contains a young red headed young girl who loves to be the center of attention. In the meantime please keep all veggies away from the screen because you might get the throw-veggies-at-horrible-writer-syndrome. Thank you and good night! 

Presa/announcer: Are you all ready for the Love Connection?!

Audience: (silence)

Audience member: (coughs)

Audience member Two: NO!

Presa: Well then lets meet the lucky lady who will get to choose one of three bachelors today...

Audience member three: (tries to sound enthusiastic) Yeah.

Presa: She is a young fiery girl of the age of fourteen. She enjoys dogs and loves to help people out. Now lets hear it for Hikaru!

Hikaru(walks out and yells): HELLO EVERYONE!!!!

Presa(covers ears): Thank you Hikaru. Now lets meet the three lucky bachelors. Bachelor number one enjoys sweets and loves to watch his coworkers battle it out. Bachelor number one...

Bachelor number one/Eagle(sleeping in chair with head against wall): Zzzzzzzzz

Bachelor number two/Zazu(pokes him in ribs and whispers): Psst...I think it's your turn.

Eagle(suddenly shouts in sleep): Damn you Zazu! How many times have I told you no liquor before noon?!

Presa: Well thank you for that nice bit of information. Everyone that was bachelor number one. Now bachelor number two enjoys two things in life: booze and women...

Zazu( holding a bottle of liquor that came out of nowhere)That's right, the two necessities of life!

Two security guards come forth from audience and take Zazu's bottle.

Security guard number one/ Lafarga: We will be taking this! I could of sworn that we got all of your liquor bottles before.

Security guard number two/Ferio: How many could you possibly have hidden? (whispers)Do you think you could hook me up with some?

Zazu: I've still got twenty bottles left. Although, it will cost you a pretty Autozam dollar because that is only a day's supply.

Ferio: I don't care!

Zazu: The Mrs. causing you trouble? 

Ferio: That's an understatement. 

Presa: Ahhem?

Ferio: Shit, the whole world heard that! Umm...just kidding Fuu you're the best!  


Lafarga:(chuckles to himself) Good bye all.

Presa: Well I think that it is time to meet bachelor number three. Bachelor number three enjoys peaceful moments and long walks. Here he is!  
  
Bachelor number three/Lantis(stares silently at Presa)

Presa: Bachelor number THREE!

Zazu(pokes Lantis in the ribs): Hey it's your turn.

Lantis(cocks head to right and gives Zazu the EVIL EYE!!!!)

Zazu(shivers): Okie doke, I think...

Presa: I GIVE UP! Here's your host Clef and his magical companion Mokana.

Firefly appears out of nowhere and knocks Presa over the head with the all time famous mallet.

Firefly: Muhahaha! I now command the show! You all must obey my orders!!!!

Clef and Mokana walk out in matching cupid outfits.

Clef(mutters):Hello.

Mokana: PUU! PUU PUU!

Clef(mutters): Well aren't we just a bundle of joy. 

Hikaru runs over to Clef and hugs him.

Clef runs away from Hikaru but she starts chasing after him. They continue running around the set until Hikaru gives up.

Hikaru: You're so cute that I could just hug you forever and ever!

Clef(mutters):Shut up you mad possessed woman!

Mokana: PUU!

Clef: Well let's get on with this wonderful show.

Hikaru: It's my turn! It's my turn! Uh...okay number one what is your perfect idea of a date?  
  
Zazu pokes Eagle in the ribs.

Eagle(shouts): Zazu I don't have the stupid key to the liquor cabinet! Are you really that desperate for liquor?! Huh...well then go bother Geo because he has your stupid key!

Zazu: o.0

Geo/from audience(sobs): It was your turn to take the blame. It's not fair! Now I'm going to have to deal with Zazu for the next week! You b*****d!

Firefly: Can it Geo! This is my show and I command you to shut-up!

Clef: You can't just command people around like that!

Firefly: Why not?

Clef: Because you aren't the leader of the universe!

Firefly(whispers): Wait and see.

Hiakru: Number two same question.

Zazu(pulls out another bottle of liquor): My idea of a perfect date is at a bar with tons of women.(starts drooling all over himself)

Ferio: Hey give me that!(Ferio takes a swig.) Ahh...sweet freedom!

Lafarga(drags Ferio off with the bottle): Come on now.

Clef: Kids don't try this at home unless you have a trained expert nearby.

Hikaru: Okay number three same question!

Lantis stares into space.

Hikaru: I SAID BACHELOR NUMBER THREE SAME QUESTION!!!!

Lantis jumps up and then sits back down and continues staring into space.

Zazu(laughs): That was funny you got him to move! Do it again!

Hikaru: Okay...I SAID BACHELOR NUMBER THREE SAME QUESTION!!!!

Once again Lantis jumps back up and down. Zazu brakes into a fit of laughter and collapses to the floor laughing. While doing this ten bottles of beer fall out of his outfit and hat.

Zazu: Uh...oops!

Lafarga: How many beers can you possibly have left you drunk pervert?!?

Ferio: Yeah what he said. I think it's time we kicked you off the show.

Zazu: The price just went up.

Ferio(Begs Zazu): No you can't do this to me. I'll give you all of your liquor back and won't kick you off the show. Just please don't take away my liquor.

Lafarga: Let's go now before you start to look like an idiot. Oh...wait you already do! Ha ha ha!

Clef: Can we possible get on with the show?

Firefly(eating a bag of popcorn) Shh... wait this is getting good! Go on Ferio make yourself look like an idiot!

Clef: Kids, these events taking place are not real but based on a real situation. So remember just say no to liquor and women or you will turn out like Ferio and Zazu. Now back to the show. 

Hikaru: Ohh Oh! Do I get to chose yet?

Clef: No! You need to ask them another question.

Hikaru: Okay tell me your favorite number, number one!

Zazu pokes Eagle in ribs.

Eagle: Zazu get yourself out of this fight! Geo still twitches every time he hears a bottle break! AND NO IT IS NOT FUNNY TO LAUGH AT GEO BEHIND HIS BACK!!!!

Geo: You mean Zazu laughs behind my back?! That's it no liquor for you!!!! Jerk!

Firefly: Pull yourself together Geo! Now shut-up and let's get back to the show!

Hikaru: One I guess? Number two same question.

Zazu(sings): Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. Take one down and pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall!  
  
Hikaru: Ninety-nine! Number three same question.  
  
Lantis stares into the crowd.

Hikaru: Ahhem number three.

Lantis stares at the crowd.

Firefly: Number three answer the stupid question!

Lantis turns head towards Firefly and gives her the EVIL EYE.

Firefly: I'm not afraid of you!!!!

Hikaru: Zero, I guess? Do I choose now? 

Clef(mutters): No, now shut up and let me do the talking!  
  
Clef: Now lets here from Presa where you and the bachelor of your choice will be going.

Firefly: Ahhem.

Clef(mutters as he takes out his index card): I mean the great and almighty Firefly, ruler of this show. Oh dear Firefly pleas grant us some of your humble time to tell us where they will be going.

Firefly: Your wish shall be granted. Well Hikaru the lucky man of your choice and you shall get to go out to dinner at Umi's and Fuu's hut...

Ferio: Fuu's the best cook in there! That's right my Fuu!

Firefly: Ahhemm.

Clef: Wow I always thought that Umi was the better cook

Ferio: Nope my Fuu!

Firefly: AHEMMM! 

Zazu: Got beer?

Ferio: No Umi and Fuu don't believe in liquor. They're EVIL!

Firefly: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT-UP!

Clef, Zazu, Ferio: Ehhh!

Firefly: Thank you. As I was saying Umi's and Fuu's Hut is where you will be going. They got the best Julian strips and desserts in all of Cephiro. So Hikaru who do you choose?

Hikaru: Umm...well...this is a very hard choice...

Firefly: Have you decided yet?

Hikaru: No I haven't! Don't rush me!

Firefly: Just choose already!

Hikaru: OKAY! I choose number two.

Firefly: No you can't choose number two, he's mine!

Hikaru: I choose number two and that's my final answer!  
  
Clef: Wow! Could you have picked a worse person?!

Firefly: SHUT UP CLEF! You aren't good looking yourself and for that matter perfect.

Clef: Well at least I don't have to take over a show to gain respect!

Firefly: Yeah you want to make something out of it?!

Clef walks over to the side of the stage and picks up his staff. Then he comes to the foot of the audience.

Clef(shouts): Orion(spell from the OAV version)

Firefly looks around for her trusty staff and finds it on the floor. Then she raises the staff up and it transforms into a sword. Firefly calls out...

Firefly(shouts): Firewall Protect!

Firefly(shout again): Lightning Bolt come forth!!(Yes I know that that is Lantis's spell.)

Lantis(shouts): Hey that's my spell! You can't use my spell! Lightning bolt come forth!

Lightning bolt hits Firefly and she falls to the ground as burnt ashes.

Everyone stares at Lantis in amazement.

Zazu: He speaks...

Clef(shouts): Oh My God!!!! You killed Firefly! Let's rejoice.

Then Claf runs over to the announcer booth and starts to dance around the ashes.

Ferio: The great one has gone demented!

Then the ashes gather up and form Firefly once again.

Firefly: Ha ha ha! You thought that I would go out that easily? Well I'm sorry to say that I am back to normal! So there!

Clef: How did you do that?!

Firefly: This is public TV you can't write off characters that easy! Ha you of all people should know that!

Clef(sobs): I was so close, so close...

Hikaru: Hey will you two just shut-up because I want to meet my date!

Clef & Firefly: Fine

Clef: Well let's first meet the two contestants that you didn't pick. First, lets meet Eagle of Autozam

Zazu pokes Eagle in ribs hard and Eagle wakes up. He hears name and starts to aimlessly wander till he gets to Clef and stops.

Eagle: 'Lo, what's going on?  
  
Hikaru stares at Eagle and starts to drool.

Clef: Wow you mean that you have no idea what is going on? Well, anyway you better get off stage.

Eagle: I guess I didn't win.

Firefly: You can take me out on a date!

Clef(whispers to Eagle in his ear): I wouldn't do it if she were the last girl on Earth, Autozam, Cephiro, and anywhere else!

Eagle: That bad? 

Clef: That's an understatement.

Firefly: I heard that Clef. You just wait till after the show! You will pay!

Clef: Let's meet bachelor number three! Lantis of Cephiro!

Lantis gets up and walks towards Clef and then stops.

Hikaru melts into a puddle on the floor.

Lantis: Hello and goodbye.

Firefly: Wait can I have your number?  


Lantis cocks his head back and gives Firefly the EVIL EYE!

Firefly: I'll take that for a no!

Clef: Good Choice!

Firefly: Who would want to go out with a toothpick man anyway?! TOOTHPICK MAN!!!!

Lantis once again gives Firefly the EVIL EYE!!!!

Clef: Now let's meet Zazu!

Zazu gets up and pulls a beer out of his hat and has a victory gulp.

Hikaru: You mean I get him!  
  
Clef: That's right, him.

Zazu(takes a swig and belches): What's wrong with me?  
  
Firefly: Nothing Zazu you're just perfect. Don't listen to those brainless idiots over there!

Hikaru: Who you calling a brainless idiot.

Clef(mumbles): Figures she likes the screwed up ones just like her.

Firefly: I heard that you short pogo stick! At least he is taller then you!

Hikaru: Hey, she does have a point. He is taller then you!

Clef: I would prefer if you didn't bring my height into your matters! 

Presa wakes up to find Firefly in her spot. Presa finds Firefly's mallet on the floor and knocks Firefly with it.

Firefly: Ha...ha...Pogo stick man...

Presa: How did I do?

Clef: Yahoo! You get a bonus for knocking Firefly out!

Presa: Why thank you Clef.

Hikaru: I guess I get to go now with the drunk.

Clef: That's right. I feel for you I really do.

Presa: That's all for now folks!

*Another Author's Note*- Okay, I was thinking of doing a second show with different people but I need to know if you liked this one. So please review my horrible story! 


	2. Love Connection(Intermission)

*Disclaimer*- As I have said before and will probably continue to say: these characters do not belong to me and they never will! So please don't sue me because I have no money! For real!

*A note that was written by the mastermind known as Summoner Firefly*- Like the new name? I thought that it would make me feel special and different! ^-^ Anyway, this is the sequel to part one and I hope that it is just as good! If it isn't then I am sorry! It took me a while to come up with a decent plot and people! So bear with me! Now, let's get on with the show!

Presea- Hello to all of you people! It's that time again!

Audience Member One- Time to do that monthly brushing of our teeth?

Presea- Nope. Wait, shouldn't you brush your teeth at least once a day?

Audience Member Two- Is it time to clean the stuff that is between your toes?!

Presea-Umm...that is just a wee bit gross!

Zazu- Then it must be time to give this poor defenseless kid beer!

Audience Member Three- Why the hell should we give you money for beer?

Zazu(trying to put on a cute and innocent look)- Because I am so dang cute!

Audience Member Two- Umm....I don't think so.

Suddenly from the back door Eagle bursts in and starts to runs after Zazu.

Eagle(just a wee bit pissed off): Get over here you overgrown monkey!

Zazu(running away from Eagle): Hey, I'm not an overgrown monkey!

Eagle(stops dumbfounded): That's right you are an under grown monkey!

Hikaru(jumps up from her chair in the audience): Hey, what did Zazu do to you?

Eagle: Do you need to ask?

Hikaru: Obviously.

Eagle: Well, if you must now he has my money!

Zazu: What money?

Eagle: The fifty bucks that I gave you to go shopping with. I should have known that you were not really going to go shopping with that money but instead go buy some more beer...

Zazu: I don't just drink beer, I drink everything! So, please say drinks instead of beer!

Eagle: Oh, sorry. Anyway, I should have known that you were going to use that money to but some more drinks for your self! So, give me the fifty bucks back!

Zazu: So, you mean that seventy bucks.

Eagle(just a wee bit pissed, yet again): What do you mean that seventy bucks?! You mean to tell me that you have stolen more money from me?!

Zazu: Well, I only borrowed the money. I was going to pay you back soon.

Eagle: Exactly, when is soon?

Zazu: Twenty years.

The whole audience sweat drops.

Presea: Umm...can we possibly take this somewhere else, because I am trying to do a show here?

Eagle: Just wait one more minute lady.

Presea: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!

Eagle(whines): But I want my money back!

Presea: Fine, Zazu give Eagle his money back.

Zazu(mutters): I don't have it.

Eagle(yelling): What do you mean that you don't have it?!

Zazu: Well, not in money form.

Eagle: Then what form of seventy bucks do you have?

Zazu: Bottle form.

Eagle: You mean to tell me that you have seventy dollars worth of liquor?!

Zazu: Nope, only the bottles.

Again the audience sweat drops.

Eagle(yells again, wow he seems to get pissed a lot): HOW IS IT HUMANLY POSSIBLE TO DRINK SEVENTY DOLLARS WORTH OF LIQUOR IN JUST ONE HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zazu: I am not human! I am a robot!

Eagle: Robots don't drink liquor.

Zazu: Bender from Futurama does.

Eagle(pleading): Why me?

Hikaru: I have just one question that is burning a hole in my brain.

Eagle(mutters): Like that is very hard for her to do.

Hikaru: I am going to pretend that I didn't hear that. Anyway, if Zazu drunk that much liquor then how come he isn't drunk?

Eagle: Well, how would I put this into terms that you would understand? Ah...yes! Zazu has drunk so much liquor that is has been proven impossible for him to get drunk anymore.

Hikaru: Then how come last week on the Love Connection One he was as drunk as a drunk monkey?

Eagle: That was last week and this is this week!

Presea: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!! EAGLE TAKE ZAZU AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE BEFORE I GET MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hikaru(whispers to Fuu): Then what would you call that?

Fuu(whispers back): Peeved.

Hikaru: o.O

Eagle(scoops up Zazu and leaves the building): Fine then.

Presea: Thank you. Now lets get back to the show! It's that time again...

Audience Member Four: Time to pick the lock of you neighbor's house and steal all of their goods?

Presea: No, that's just wrong.

Audience Member Five: Time to give your pet cotton balls a bath and then groom them?

Presea: Now that is just dang creepy.

Audience Member Six: Time to do the hokey pokie and sing that's what it is all about?

Presea: For the last time, no! It is time to start the Love Connection! It's back by popular demand!

Audience Member Seven: Exactly, how many people wanted this show back?

Presea: Three, I think.

Audience Member Five: We are all doomed! Run for your lives!

Presea: Hey, if you didn't want to watch the show then why the heck did you come?

Audience Member Five: We were forced by a little dude with a staff.

Presea: I'm listening.

Audience Member Five: He told us that if we didn't come then he would get a bunch of evil green furbies to chase us!

Presea: You believed him?

Audience Member Five: He was very convincing at the time.

Presea(sighs): I am surrounded by a bunch of idiots.

Audience Member Eight: He was really very convincing at the time!

Presea: Anyway, let's get on with the show!

*Alas it is note time from Summoner Firefly*- Hello, to all of you again! I thought about writing the whole second part as one part but then I came up with this and decided to keep the suspense going! So, don't worry there will be a third chapter that will actually deal with the whole story! ^-^ Just move on over to the next chapter to find out what happens! ^-^ See ya all!


	3. Love Connection Two

*Another Disclaimer*- Alas, as I have said before none of these characters belong to me and they never will! So, please don't sue me because I only have twenty bucks!

*Another Note From the Talented yet Perfect Firefly*- That's me!^-^ Well, here it is, The Love Connection Part two! ^-^ The last part was more like an intermission that never ended! I hope all of you guys like it! That's all for now! o.O Wow, I actually had a normal author's note!

Presea: Is everyone ready for the actual start of the Love Connection?!  


Audience(bored out of there wits): Yes.

Presea: Boy aren't you guys just a bundle of fun?

Audience Member One: What do you expect when we having been waiting for five hours for this stupid show to start!

Presea: But that couldn't be helped. Zazu was here so we had to bring in the beer sniffing dogs to make sure that all alcoholic substances were not still in the building.

Audience Member Two: But why?

Presea( doing the happy act): This is a family show and we need to act like a family! ^-^

Audience Member Three(mutters to four): Why the HELL do they always put the kooks in the booth?!

Presea: I heard that you overgrown dust weed!

Audience Member Three: Why am I a dust weed?!

Presea: Because it sounds funny! ^-^

The whole audience sweat drops.

Audience Member Four: It's been proven, she's lost I

Presea: Anyway, it is time to meet the bachelorette who will get to pick from three lucky men! Let's hope this time she has got a brain...

Hikaru: I would comment on that but I am not in the mood.

Presea: Let's give a big warm welcome to Umi!

Umi walks out onto the stage and blows kisses to everyone while bowing to the audience.

Umi(crying): Thank you all so much! You are just to kind!(turns to Presea and gets the evil mad look in her face): Why didn't you tell them what I like?! You did that with Hikaru, so why didn't you do that with me?!

Presea: I said let's give a big welcome to Umi. Isn't that enough?!

Umi: No it isn't! That's it I no longer will allow you in my restaurant!

Presea: Oh the horror! How will I ever live?!

Umi: I am glad that you are depressed.

Presea: I was being sarcastic.

Umi: oh.

Presea: Now it is time to meet the lucky bachelors who will have a shot to go out with Umi! The first bachelor enjoys...ah...many things...like staffs! Let's meet bachelor number one!

Clef walks out onto the stage to a "booing audience".

Clef: What the hell?! It this your work Firefly?! I'll get you my pretty!

Firefly' voice from the middle of nowhere(literally): You can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man!

Clef: So the truth has been let free.

Firefly: Shit. I meant lady.

Clef: Sure you did.

Firefly: I'll be back! So don't you worry, I'll get you!

Clef: Is there any hope for mankind while Firefly is on the loose? No.

Presea: Anyway, I think that it is time...

Clef: Wait just one second Presea! You couldn't think of one thing that I like except for staffs?!

Presea: It's an off day for me besides you do like staffs.

Clef(turns to audience): She has a point!

Presea: Anyway, let's meet bachelor number two! He enjoys many things in life...like...life! Here is bachelor number two!

Ferio is pushed out onto the stage by evil body guards.

Ferio(mutters): Hello.

Fuu(from audience): OMG!!!! How the hell can you humiliate me on National Television?!

Ferio: First of all it's a stupid show that no one watches and second of all I didn't want to be here! They forced me here! You have got to believe me Fuu!

Fuu: I believe you just like I believe that clouds are white!

Ferio: Thanks Fuu!

Fuu: I don't believe clouds are white!

Ferio: Oh. 

Clef: I have one word that describes the state that you are in. Would you like the brutal word or the non brutal word?

Ferio: Don't care.

Clef: Shit.

Ferio: What was the non brutal one?

Clef: Shit.

Ferio: Brutal one?

Clef: Shit.

Ferio: Did I ever tell you how you scare me?

Clef: Nope, but now you did. Don't you feel warm and squishy inside?

Ferio(mutters): Yep, he scares me.

Presea: Now let's meet the final bachelor. Bachelor number three...hates bugs! Let's meet bachelor number three!

Ascot(mumbles): Hello.

Caldina(from audience): You go As....

Lafarga: Um...Caldina I don't think you should yell out his name right now.

Caldina(confused): Why?

Lafarga: Because Umi isn't supposed to know who they are.

Caldina: Like she can't tell that is Ascot. I mean he is the only person who could get Lryngitis and still talk the same way.

Lafarga: You do have a point.

Presea: Now that we have met all of the bachelors it is time to meet the host of this show! It took us a lot of time to find someone stupid enough...

Clef: Oh dear god no!

Presea: ...to replace Clef but alas we did! She is a very hyper person...

Clef: Please don't do this to me!

Presea: ...who likes to annoy Clef!

Clef(trembling): Help.

Presea: Here is our host: Firefly!

Firefly: Hello all!

Clef starts to run around in circles until he spots the exit door and runs towards it. While running to the exit door he crashes into the glass wall that separates his freedom from insanity!

Clef(pounding on glass wall): PLEASE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS CRAZY WOMAN!!!!

Firefly: I am afraid Clef that you are not allowed to leave until the game is over. ^-^

Clef: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firefly: I am afraid so.

Just then Ferio to tries to run to the exit but instead crashes into the wall of glass. He then screams like a little girl who just had her ice cream cone stolen.

Firefly(a wee bit confused): Why did you just do that?

Ferio(face smashed against the wall): Itttt tas a pur of the moment.

Firefly: Did I ever tell you that you scare me?

Ferio: Nope.

Firefly: Well you do and with good reasons. Now back to the show!

Suddenly the sound of buzzing wings could be heard throughout the encased space. Ascot looked at the little bug with disgust and then, to, ran to the glass and smashed his face against it.

Ascot: LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I AM TO YOUNG TO DIE!!!! LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!

Firefly(surprised): You mean to tell me that you are really afraid of bugs!

Ascot: HELP!!!!!!!!!

Firefly: I will take that for a yes. Anyway, it seems to me that all of you are dealing with just one of your major fears today.

Ferio: You kidding me I am not the least bit sad! I am loving this!

Firefly: Umm...I think that I should remind you....

Fuu: Ferio you will pay for that remark!!!!

Ferio: Shit!

Clef: Obviously that wasn't enough for a Klondike® Bar. Oh the chocolaty goodness!

Ferio(pointing to Clef): Umm...Firefly is there something wrong with the nitwit here?!

Firefly: I think that he is just a wee bit afraid of me. So, you shouldn't mind him! ^-^

Ferio(mutters): I think that I can understand why.

Firefly: I am just going to pretend that I didn't hear that one.(then looks over at Umi):Wow you guys should see Umi she is fuming!

Zazu(pops up from audience): WOW!!!! She really is turning red! I wanna do that! I wanna do that!

Firefly: I thought that we got rid of you?!

Zazu: You can't get rid of me! I am like the fly that hangs around your house always buzzing in your ear!

Ascot twitches uncontrollably at the mention of fly.

Geo then to pops up from the audience and pulls Zazu down.

Eagle(pops up to from the audience, wow it is just a popping frenzy): Please children do not pay attention to this little boy here...

Zazu(drunkenly yells): Hey I am not that short!

Eagle(points to Geo): Or you shall turn out to be like this man here!

Geo: Hello everyone. My name is Geo and I am a candy addict!

Eagle(whispers to the audience): This is the first step of his twelve step program called CA. Please clap for him.

Audience claps and cheers.

Geo(wipes a tear streaming down his face): You guys are the greatest!

Firefly: Thanks for that touching moment but I think that we should get back to the show or at least Umi. She is starting to throw things around and has already knocked one audience member unconscious.

Audience Member Two: I will...get...you...little dude...with a staff...and your...hairy...green furbies.

Clef: Wow, you are good Umi! I will give you candy if you knock Firefly out.

Firefly: Don't even think about it or I will kick you off the show. Then you will have no air time at all!

Umi places chair on floor and pouts.

Clef: Damn!

Firefly: Now I think that it is time that we get on with the show! Okay Umi start the questioning!

Umi: Thank you Firefly. My question to number one what qualities do you look for in a best friend?

Firefly(falls to the ground sobbing): No not little Larry! I miss you soooooo much! Why did he have to die! Darn you little evil green furbies! Darn you Clef!

Clef(sane): I think that Firefly has finally lost it.

Firefly: So what if I have? Why did you have to kill Larry?!

Clef(annoyed): It was just a stupid little cotton ball.

Firefly: But it was my cotton ball! That is it, I will no longer let you be on my "I love..." sticky note list!

Clef(flatly says): Wow, you hurt me.

Firefly: You should be!

Ferio: Umm...Firefly remember how you told me that I scared you.

Firefly(back to her normal self): Yeah...

Ferio: Well you are scaring me!

Firefly: I get that a lot!

Umi: HEY YOU BABBLING IDIOTS, CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO ME!!!!

Firefly: Do we have a choice?

Umi: Only if you want to see the light of day tomorrow.

Firefly: Okay now it is time to go back to the show! So, what is your response to Umi's question Bachelor number one?

Clef: Umm...well I would hope that they would be trustworthy, someone that I could confide in, and someone that would also talk to me when they are in need of help. ^-~

Umi: I think that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard! T-T

Firefly: I don't know how you can believe such crap?

Umi: Simple, by listening to it! ^-^

Firefly: And you people think that I am the crazy one! -_-

Umi: Number two same question.

Ferio: Well I have no need to look for a friend because I already have one and her name is Fuu!

Fuu: Don't try to pucker me up! Just answer the damn question truthfully!

Hikaru: Wow! I never knew that you could curse!

Fuu: Well Miss Hikaru game shows sometimes rile me up and make me do wild things!

Ferio(shaking): Same thing as Clef said!

Umi: That was also one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard!

Firefly: That was the same thing as before.

Umi: That's why I said that.

Firefly: No, I mean Number Two didn't even think of anything, he just copied off of Number one! -_-

Umi: Number three I would like to ask you the same question.

Caldina(from audience): You go As.....

Lafarga: Shut up! You aren't supposed to say his name!

Caldina(doing the innocent thing): Oops I completely forgot! Go Number three!

Ascot(softly speaks): Umm...I guess someone that you can depend on when you are in need of help. Also, someone who isn't interested in you just because of your status, or your money. I like people who like you for who you are!

Umi(crying): That was one of the most precious things that I have ever heard.

Firefly(also crying): I know. 

Presea(wiping a tear from her eye): I hate to burst up this sob fest but we have got no time for this! Umi needs to ask another question quick because our time is running out!

Umi: Okay, this question is for everyone. Do like or dislike Mokana?

Then Mokana all of a sudden pops up from the mallet space (see bottom)and bounces all around the room.

Mokana: Pu pu pu!!!!

Clef(aghast): I am shocked that one would ask such a question, of course I like Mokana!

Firefly: So, one down for disliking Mokana?

Clef: Yep.

Umi: Next.

Ferio: What's a Mokana?

Umi: Next.

Ascot: Umm....let me think....

Firefly: Unfortunately we have no time for you to think!

Ascot: Okay then. I like Mokana because he is funny to watch.

Firefly: What a corny answer!

Umi: I THINK THAT IT IS CUTE AND YOU SHOULDN'T SPEAK!!!! 

Firefly: Take a chill pill! Anyway it is time for Presa to tell Umi where she and her lucky date will be going!

Presea: Thanks, Firefly. Umi you and your lucky date will get to go to Umi and Fuu's Hut! There you shall be placed at a table where you will be able to strap your date in so that they are forced to stay with you. You will also get to enjoy fine food and other wonderful stuff!

Firefly: I guess that it is just one of those days for ya Presea?

Presea: Yep.

Firefly: Oh, wait! Question out of curiosity here Umi.

Clef(mutters to Ferio): This is one of those times that she is actually going to use her brain.

Firefly: Why would you want to go to your own restaurant?

Umi: Because as Presea said it is the only place in which you can strap your date down so that they are stuck with you for at least one date!

Firefly: I guess that explains it. -_-

Clef: I wouldn't talk if I were you. You probably can't even get your date inside the door.

Firefly: At least I can get a date with someone that is real and alive!

Clef(mumbles): Jerk ball.

Firefly: I'm so scared that I already wet my pants ten times!

Clef: So you wanna go on a date with me Saturday night?

Firefly: Sure!

Clef: Fine, we should meet at Umi's and Fuu's Hut at eight then.

Firefly: Okay by me!

Ferio: What just happened there?!

Umi: I think that we just saw the world come to an end.

Ferio: That explains it all.

Firefly: So, Umi who do you pick?

Umi: Umm...I think that I will pick....

Firefly: Yes...

Umi: Number three!

Firefly: Wow! You picked the best choice, I am amazed!  
  
Umi: Who said blue heads aren't smart?!

Firefly: That's blonds you dimwit and I am starting to wonder if they really meant blues.

Presea: Umm...Firefly.

Firefly: Oh, yeah it is know time to meet the two bachelors that you could've had.

Umi: Joy!

Presea: I will take it over from here. Number one's real name is Clef and he is a very old man!

Umi: YUCK!!!

Firefly: You're telling me!

Umi: Wait; didn't you just say that you would go out with him?!

Firefly(mumbles): Wait and see.

Presea: Here is Clef!

Clef walks out and waves to the booing crowd.

Clef: Thank you all I will be here until next week!

Firefly: It is the evil demon that never dies!

Clef: It is the wicked witch from the west!

Umi: I thought that you two were going to go out with each other?!  


Clef: That was only an April's fool joke!

Firefly & Clef: April Fools!

The whole audience once again sweatdrops.

Presea: Now lets meet number two! His real name is Ferio and he likes to do stuff! Here is Ferio...

Ferio: Hello to you Umi and goodbye!

Umi: Yeah, whatever.

Presa: Now it is the moment that you all have been waiting for! Here is number three! His name is Ascot and he hates bugs! Here is Ascot!

Umi runs over to Ascot and jumps into his arms.

Umi: We are going to make the perfect couple! Aren't we?

Ascot(mutters): Yep, I can see it now. Young man dead because of break-up with girlfriend.

Firefly: Well I guess that you could say that that is all for now! Wait I almost forgot it is time for me to spin "The Wheel of Boys" for my pick of which boy I shall haunt for a week! 

A big wheels appears in front of Firefly and she spins it very fast. After two minutes the wheel stops and lands on...Eagle!

Eagle: Shit!

Firefly: Oh, Eagle! Will you go out with me?!

Eagle: I better get out of here quick!

Eagle then precedes to run out of the emergency exit with Firefly running after him.

Presa: I guess that it is me who shall say good night and a few words of wisdom. Um...don't quit your day job and good night!

*A Note From the lovely and talented Firefly*- I crack myself up! Umm...not really but hey isn't that a good thing? I had some sort of foot note to write, oh that's right! You know in all or must of the anime shows people get knocked out with the mallet but you never know where it came from. So, my friend says that they come from the alternate universe of mallets and can be taken out of that universe whenever needed. So, basically Mokana popped up from that space to! ^-^ Anyway, what did you think of it?! Please review because I really want to know how crappy you thought that this was! Thanks for your time! ^-^

Also, my friend came up with this idea to have Umi and Ascot actually go on the date and have Clef and me make comments about the date all throughout the fic! So, what do you guys think? ^-^


End file.

Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース, Humor, Parody