Castle 1. Chapter 1: Kate

**A/N: I can't get this story out of my head. I'm in the middle of another fic and I keep thinking about this one. So, I'm going to get it out of my system. Let me know if you like it. Set at end of Watershed. No idea about spoilers, since I'm in no way associated with the show.**

* * *

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

He had slipped unnoticed by her from his swing to the ground. On one knee, he knelt before her, fingers clutching his offering that glimmered in the sunlight. Stunned, speechless, she could only gape at him, at the beautiful prism he held in his strong hands. She'd thought he was breaking up with her, had been sitting there internally screaming her pain at his little speech and _now_ he was asking her to marry him? Un-freaking-believable.

"Kate?"

No, still speechless. How could she answer a question like this? She'd not prepared, had had no warning. For weeks they'd been more distant with each other, unable to speak about what was really going on. She thought he was losing interest in her. It had hurt no end to know she wasn't enough for him. But she'd been fooling herself. He was rich, famous. What could he possibly want with a crazy woman who was damaged in so many ways? He was better off without her.

"Kate! Please, will you marry me?"

He was still kneeling in front of her. What the hell was happening? He's got a ring. A ring for her. He's been married twice before. Why is he asking her?

"Rick, are you sure? Do you really mean it?"

"Of course I mean it. I love you Kate. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"What if I take the job?"

It doesn't matter to me what you do. I want you. Not Beckett the cop or the future agent. I want Kate the woman. I love you and I intend on spending the rest of my life making you happy."

Oh God, he knew just what to say to make her knees buckle and her head spin. Suddenly, she stood up and grabbed his arm to pull him up beside her. He's so tall, so large next to her. He always made her feel safe. She knew she loved him, had for years if she was honest with herself. She'd held her heart in protective custody, afraid for it to be exposed to the intimacy of a committed relationship. She'd never been in love until she'd met Castle. And despite her love for him and his for her she'd still held back a little, convinced it was all going to come crashing down at some point. She didn't want to hurt as deeply as her father had when her mother had been killed. Jim had sought comfort in being pickled by ethanol, losing part of his daughter along with his sobriety. He'd never been the same person, even after he'd fought back from the demons that had taken him so deep.

So, Beckett had kept parts of herself at an arm's length, watching Castle like a hawk for signs of disinterest or apathy. She'd critically examined everything he said to her, trying to find his tell that it was all just a big cosmic joke at her expense. He was her favorite author, the man who had helped keep her somewhat sane in the months following her mother's death by allowing her to get lost in his books. What could he possibly see in her, the barely functioning cop?

"If you don't want this, I'll understand Kate. I love you so much; I just want to move forward together. But if you aren't ready…or if you don't feel the same…"

His words snapped her back to the situation at hand. He was asking her to marry him. Richard Edgar Castle wanted to marry her. Wow.

"Yes" she whispered.

He was still talking, hadn't heard her. Typical for Castle. Gets an answer to the most important question of his life and misses it because he's too busy talking. So, she answers him in the best way she knows: a passionate kiss that finally gets him to shut up and squares his attention back on her, where it belongs.

"Yes" she repeats again, staring into his eyes. All the love and excitement evident in her hazel eyes. "Yes."

* * *

The sound of her alarm startled her into the day at the usual time: 4:45 am. What a godforsaken time to be getting up, but she needed to do some cardio and the earlier the better. For a minute she couldn't remember where she was; the apartment was so new still and she wasn't used to the quieter sounds of her new neighborhood in D.C. compared to the city where she'd been raised. She felt Rick stirring next to her as she shut off the alarm. His hand caressed her shoulder as she leaned back into the bed for a minute, not ready to leave his warmth for the colder air of the air conditioned bathroom.

"Morning" he whispered.

"Morning. Sorry I woke you."

"I'm glad you did. Got a flight to catch bright and early, remember?"

She had remembered, but was hoping he hadn't. The last month had been a whirlwind. They'd gotten engaged; she'd quit the force and accepted the job with the Attorney General. They'd found and apartment in D.C. and moved her stuff down. He'd had to spend a lot of the month in New York due to obligations with Black Pawn and a new contract. He'd also needed to spend some time with Alexis and Martha while Kate got everything settled in Washington. This had been their first weekend together in several weeks and they'd made up for lost time, not even bothering to get dressed either day. And now she was about to begin her training and he was leaving on a long book tour. She knew it was going to be hard, but the reality of their separation after missing him so much for the past month was hard to imagine. He must have sensed her distaste, as he pulled her closer into his warmth.

"I have to go, you know that."

She sighed, let her hand trace his face, jawline as if to commit it to memory once again.

"I know. I don't like it though. How long again?"

"Eight weeks."

She groaned in protest. How had she ever thought this was a good idea? Had she been drunk when she'd agreed to this? Nothing else explained how stupid she'd been to accept this separation.

"You won't even miss me. You start your training today and you're going to be so busy you won't even notice I'm out signing autographs all over the country."

"I'll miss you every second of every day."

"I'll miss you too. But you will be doing long days and you'll need to rest. If I'm here we don't tend to do a lot of sleeping. And just think of the incredible sex we're going to have when those eight weeks are up! It will make this weekend pale in comparison."

"Ha, leave it to you to come up with that."

"We'll talk every night. And I have some surprises for you."

She bounced up in bed at that. "What surprises? Tell me!"

"That's why it's called a surprise. You don't know what it is until it happens."

"Horrible man."

"You going to punish me Beckett?"

"I'm supposed to be getting up to run."

"Well, I have an hour and a half to finish packing, shower and get ready before the cab is here. I guess I can do all that…alone" the last words were uttered with such a serious tone and look of innocence that she had to laugh. His hands were doing some wonderful things on her abdomen and chest. It was getting harder to remember why she needed to run.

"Well, I guess it is your last few hours with me for a while. And you are being a bad boy. Maybe I could get in some other type of exercise this morning."

"Why Beckett, what kind of exercise could possibly keep you in the apartment and replace running?"

She was now running her hand up and down his chest; felt her breath hitch in her chest as the flames of desire roared once again into her loins. Even after all the time they'd had together he could still make her respond almost instantly to his touch, his look. Only he had ever had this effect on her. With her other lovers she might have reached release, especially when she took control and took what she wanted (and let's face it, she rarely let someone else control her). But with Castle it was like she'd never really had sex; had certainly never made love with someone. The difference was undeniable; she knew she'd never be satisfied with any other mere lover. It had to be him; he knew just how to make her body fly apart with a hundred different touches/kisses/words.

"Rick, shut up and kiss me."

He did as he was told and they both forgot about his leaving for the bliss of their joined souls.

* * *

The ringing of the phone penetrated her exhausted haze at 11 pm. As she thumbed the touchscreen to answer, she knew it would be Rick without looking at it.

"Kate, are you alright?" He sounded quite concerned.

"Hi Rick" she whispered, eyes still closed. "I was sleeping. I'm so tired."

"I've called you like five times and kept getting voicemail. I was getting worried about you."

"Sorry. I guess I just crashed again." It had been four weeks since she'd started her training and three weeks since he'd started the tour after spending time with Alexis and Martha in New York. Her days had been remarkably similar after the first few of orientation: physical training, weapons training, and lots and lots of book training. The hours were exhausting; both physically and mentally. Kate had found herself barely able to keep up. She wasn't sure if it was because she was on the wrong side of thirty or if the program was simply that hard. Everyone else starting with her was younger, though none had the experience she brought to the table. It frustrated her that she seemed to be a step behind them at times, so she drove herself even harder. She found that she had no time for anything but work and then a few hours of exhausted sleep. Knowing this now made her grateful Rick had gone on his book tour. She would have had absolutely no time for him and she was so exhausted he would have been the target of any of her frustrations, unfair as that was.

She finally opened her eyes and realized she hadn't even made it to the bedroom; she remembered sitting on the couch for just a minute to take off her shoes. Everything else after that was a blank.

"Did you get this week's surprise yet?"

She smiled into the phone. Castle's surprises had been revealed to be special coffee blends one week, some beautiful flowers on another, thoughtful cards and lotions. He was so attentive. He was too good to her. This week had been some delicious fruits in a basket, most of which were devoured by her new coworkers before she had even put down the card that accompanied it. He'd never even met any of them and they were all smitten with Rick and how much he loved her.

"Kate, you're still eating and taking care of yourself, right?"

Honestly, she couldn't remember if she'd eaten that day or not. She knew she'd lost weight, but wasn't about to confess that to Castle. He was liable to hop the next plane to come baby her.

"I'm fine Castle. Just tired. Four more weeks and I'm done with this part, then things will get much better. I've officially requested I be assigned to New York" she knew that would get him excited and off the topic of her health.

"When will you find out?"

"Well, I finish my training in four weeks, and then I'll be assigned a veteran partner here for a few months. Once I'm past probationary status, they'll assign me to my post. And I hear I've got a good shot at New York, since they know I'm familiar with the city and with the NYPD."

"I'll follow you anywhere Kate, you know that. But wouldn't it be cool to be back in New York?"

She had moved off the couch and simply stripped to her underwear. Not bothering to do anything else, she crawled into bed and made some noised agreeing with him. She couldn't keep her eyes open.

"Kate, get some sleep. I love you." She thought she said it back to him, but was already sliding into unconsciousness as he hung up the phone.

* * *

Kate had hoped the next few weeks would get better as her body became stronger with the constant physical training. She could not have been more wrong she reflected as she hung her head over the toilet once again. She'd gotten a stomach flu; she was sure it was thanks to Agent Murray. Not directly, but Abby Murray was married with a toddler and said husband and toddler had visited them three days ago. The baby was so cute and such a vision of normality in an otherwise stressed out day that everyone had fussed over him, including Kate. She'd bounced him in her lap briefly while his parents got a few minutes alone and that was apparently enough to transfer this god-awful virus to her.

She'd started puking this morning and at first blamed the bit of leftover Chinese she'd found in the fridge. It had looked ok, but she couldn't remember exactly how old it was. She'd been too tired to really care, figuring a microwave probably killed most everything. When the puking continued into the evening she knew it wasn't simple food poisoning. She'd struggled to keep down any water and the thought of food was revolting. She had made it through the day somehow; luckily most of the hard physical training was over, so it was easier to hide her nausea.

She crawled into bed, praying her stomach would be settled in the morning. She hoped she'd avoid the diarrhea portion of the illness. That would be hard to deal with at work. She texted Castle she was going to sleep so he wouldn't call and wake her later and smiled sleepily as he texted back a quick "I love you"

* * *

Things were not better the next day or the next. She still couldn't keep much water down and was beginning to feel dizzy when she stood to walk. It was getting harder to go to work and she was sure they were noticing she was really struggling to keep up with everyone. Her conversations with Castle had become a few mere sentences. She knew he was worried about her, but she felt so horrible that she couldn't do much to put him at ease. Thankfully it was now Friday night and she could spend the weekend in bed resting. She'd prepared by bringing several water bottles in to the bedroom and the ever present bucket she used if she couldn't make it to the toilet in time. She'd gotten some crackers and was really hoping she'd keep them down. She'd been sent home early by the team. It made her feel a bit uneasy; they felt like she couldn't pull her weight. However, she was getting weaker each day and the unrelenting nausea and vomiting was really taking its toll on her body. Monday would be much better she vowed. Saturday and Sunday would be all about rest and relaxation.

* * *

Saturday had sucked. She'd actually awakened puking. Who does that? Thank god for the bucket. Once the dry heaving ceased for a bit, she'd made the mistake of opening the cracker package. They must have gone bad as the smell made her heave for another 5 minutes. She'd thrown them across the room in disgust and disappointment. She was feeling dizzy just lying in bed. Any movement set her head spinning even more, but when she had to puke she had to move a bit. The bucket wasn't too full as she had very little to bring up. Her lips were feeling chapped and dry and her throat was constantly on fire from the acid she brought up and the lack of moisture. She'd tried sipping some water, but it all came back up and made her feel worse. She tried napping for a while but continued to be woken up to dry heave. She knew it was time for medical help; hell past time. Unfortunately, she'd somehow lost her phone at some point Friday night amidst all the puking. She'd still been able to stand at that time and thought the phone must be in the bathroom. It might as well have been on Mars; there was no way to get to it in her condition. Her one positive thought was that Rick might decide something was wrong and call someone to check on her. She hadn't talked to him in two days as she'd missed his call on Friday.

* * *

Saturday was a cakewalk compared to Sunday. Well, she thought it was Sunday. She was now spending most of her time either dry heaving off (and later on) the bed (she'd lost the bucket at some point) or blacked out. Her throat felt like the Sahara Desert, dry and gritty and burning with an indescribable pain, especially when any bile made it past her pylorus and up her esophagus. She was hoping she would die at this point; survival was an animalistic urge that she'd lost hours ago. Her entire being ached and burned and she knew she was spiraling rapidly past a point of no return. She had no idea her phone had been ringing intermittently for hours. She couldn't distinguish sounds anymore. Had no idea it was late morning; she couldn't really see anymore. Her eyes were sunken into her head and opening the lids felt like she was sandpapering them for varnish. She couldn't feel the dampness of the bilious fluid she occasionally brought up between bouts of dry heaving. She couldn't move enough to keep it off of herself, was too far gone to care. If she could have seen it she would have known it was covering most of the bed and was all over the floor. Her skin puckered and was red and irritated where it came in contact with the emesis. Kate Beckett was dying and she couldn't have cared less.


	2. Chapter 2: Rick

**A/N: Wow, what a response. Seriously thank everyone who's read and enjoyed this. Praying I don't disappoint you. **

* * *

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

He was kneeling before her, offering the ring and the promise of his love forever. Not that she needed a ring for the latter; she already had that. The last few weeks had been a strain between them, no doubt. She'd lied to him about the job interview, had seemed to distance herself from him, from them. It felt like he'd been holding his breath for weeks afraid to breathe too loudly and scare her off. Just like now, when his entire being focused on her waiting for an answer that wasn't coming.

"Kate?" She was just sitting there, mouth agape. He'd clearly surprised her but he still couldn't figure out if it was a good surprise or bad surprise. He had been so careful with her when he'd sensed her distance. Afraid she'd run at the least provocation. He had her somewhat trapped on their swings, though with his position on the ground he'd have little chance of catching her if she did rabbit off.

"Kate! Please, will you marry me?"

He still couldn't tell what she was thinking. When they'd first met they'd begun developing a rapport that eventually led to them being in sync over almost anything involved in a case. Once they'd become a couple that understanding had deepened and extended into personal arenas. That is until a few weeks ago. Now they never seemed to be on the same page.

"Rick, are you sure? Do you really mean it?" she asked with her hesitance coloring the last sentence. Seriously, she wasn't sure of him? Here he was trying to show her the depth of his feelings for her and she still doubted him even all the time he'd spent loving her? She could be so frustrating and maddening at times.

"Of course I mean it. I love you Kate. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He'd never been so sure of anything in his life and tried to inject his words with all the weight of the conviction behind it.

"What if I take the job?" she asked. Ahh, here was at least one of the issues they still had to resolve. It no longer mattered to him though. He was in love with her, not in love with her job and though he'd miss the 12th and the people there that he'd come to think of as family, nothing was more important to him than Kate Beckett.

"It doesn't matter to me what you do. I want you. Not Beckett the cop or the future agent. I want Kate the woman. I love you and I intend on spending the rest of my life making you happy." He was still holding the ring out. His injured knee was beginning to protest the kneeling position and he hoped she'd answer soon or he was going to keel over from all the stress on his body and his heart.

Suddenly, she was standing and pulling him up beside her, as if she knew he needed to stand. He could see the ghosts of emotions washing over her, too many to count or even identify properly as they flitted across. She was so beautiful, so mesmerizing. He still couldn't believe Kate Beckett had let him love her, had told him she loved him. He didn't want to rush her and risk scaring her off, but after he and his mother had talked about recent events he realized he might have been sending the wrong signals. That she might have interpreted his patience and conservative pace as apathy and lack of interest. He'd been looking for the perfect ring for months, but the conversation with Martha had spurred him into direct action. He thought the ring he finally picked was perfect for her. Not at all ostentatious, but magnificent the same in its simplicity. He had to reassure her before she got the wrong idea about the timing of this, of everything.

"If you don't want this, I'll understand Kate. I love you so much; I just want to move forward together. But if you aren't ready…or if you don't feel the same…I'm just saying that I'll understand." He heard her whisper something unintelligible. She hadn't pulled away, so that seemed like a positive. He kept going, looking away from her eyes so he wouldn't see any doubt or hesitation there. That would kill him. "I don't want to lose you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I'm willing to accept whatever life you want just as long as I'm in it."

He was shocked into silence when she suddenly reached up and gave him a passionate kiss. Eyes focused squarely back on her, mouth finally quiet he didn't miss what she said next.

"Yes" she repeated again, staring into his eyes. Her hazel eyes seemed full of all the love and excitement evident in fiery kiss from a second (a lifetime) ago. "Yes."

* * *

He vaguely heard the unwelcome sound of her alarm at way-too-early o'clock. She silenced it and he was grateful she didn't hop out of bed immediately. Her ability to get up early (and on purpose in order to exercise!) was not one of their shared traits. He caressed her shoulder, encouraging her to stay. He was due to fly back to New York in a few hours. This had been their first weekend together in several weeks. They'd picked out the town home based on its proximity to her new job. She'd moved her stuff down about a month ago and while she got settled in he'd spent almost all of his time in New York negotiating a new contract with Black Pawn and spending time with his mother and Alexis. It had been almost three weeks since they'd had time to themselves, a new and unpleasant record for them. However, their forced absence had made this weekend a very memorable one.

"Morning" he whispered.

"Morning. Sorry I woke you."

"I'm glad you did. Got a flight to catch bright and early, remember?" He was hoping he could persuade her to give him a goodbye that he'd remember for the next 8 weeks. She was starting her training period tomorrow. Eight weeks of exhausting physical and mental training. He'd known she'd be falling into bed every night bone tired and his presence would distract her from completely focusing on the job. She'd protested, but he'd known that deep down she agreed with him. So, he'd made Gina and Paula ecstatic by agreeing to do a lengthy book tour while Kate trained. He could sense her growing reluctance about the separation, the new job, everything that involved them being apart. There was a piece of him that cheered this reluctance, would welcome her giving up this job so they could go back to their lives in New York. But he also knew she thrived on challenges and if she didn't give this opportunity a shot she'd spend the rest of her life wondering 'what if.' So, he was going to support her and cheer her on from the sidelines. They'd be able to speak every day and even video chat on occasion.

Reassuring her as best he could, he soon became aware that his efforts to keep her in their bed seemed to be working. Not that he'd had to try too hard. Teasing her about other cardio workouts she could get involved in, he finally landed his prize when she exclaimed "Rick, shut up and kiss me." As he obeyed his love, he had a pang of regret about the book tour. It was going to be an interminable eight weeks without Kate Beckett in his arms.

* * *

Rick stretched his long frame, feeling stiff muscles and joints protesting their too long period of inactivity. He had just finished an evening book signing and reading of his latest best seller. Paula was finishing up with the event organizers then started back towards him.

"Great job Rick. That was one of the biggest crowds we've had in the last three weeks."

"Yeah, and one of the craziest. Did you see where that lady wanted me to sign? I mean, seriously. Not cool."

"Oh, listen to you! You used to love that kind of thing. I remember you meeting several women that way."

"Well, not anymore. That was just…disturbing."

"Whatever Rick. You want to go get a drink before you head back to the hotel?"

It was almost becoming a joke between them. Every night she asked if he wanted a drink, knowing he'd refuse. He just wanted to retire to the privacy of his room and get his fiancée on the phone. He checked his watch. It would be nearly 10 pm there by the time he got to his room. He was currently in Arizona. Their next week would find him swinging through the Midwest.

"No thanks Paula. I need my beauty sleep before whatever you've got planned for me tomorrow."

"Tell Kate hi for me"

"I will"

He'd called her as soon as he got into his room. She didn't answer, so he figured she was still busy. He knew how tired she was based on their conversations over the previous days. Yet it seemed that she was struggling more and more every night he talked to her. It might not have been obvious to other people, but he knew Kate Beckett like the back of his own hand and even though they weren't in the same room or even the same state, he knew she was pushing her limits past what she had ever done before.

It was nearly 11 pm and four calls later when he finally heard her pick up. God, she sounded awful and for a second he was sorry he'd bothered her.

"Kate, are you alright?" He was beside himself with worry.

"Hi Rick" she sounded like she was asleep, probably still had her eyes closed. "I was sleeping. I'm so tired."

"I've called you like five times and kept getting voice mail. I was getting worried about you." He hated the sound of his voice; sounded like he was chastising her when he had really just been scared for her.

"Sorry. I guess I just crashed again."

He was beginning to hate this job and how much it took out of her. He wondered if everyone new on her team drove themselves as hard as she did or if she was just being the typical Kate Beckett and trying to do everything perfectly while ignoring her body's occasional need for rest and relaxation.

There was nothing he could do from across the country to get her to slow down. He wasn't totally sure he could have slowed her down if he'd been there with her. All he could do was love her with all his soul and keep reminding her of how important she was to him. The surprises were designed to remind her he was still dedicated to her and her need to do this job; he would support her no matter what. They also had allowed him a tiny breach into her new world. They were delivered to her work and she'd told him how positively some of her team members had reacted. They had been able to see how much he loved her just by the simple act of sending her little gifts to remind her of that one true fact. He'd never met any of them of course, but she'd talked a bit about a few of them during earlier conversations. She seemed to relate the most to an Abby Murray and he'd even spoken briefly to the Agent when he'd called Kate's desk a week ago looking for her when she hadn't answered. He'd immediately taken a liking to her warm voice and kind words as she'd exclaimed over his latest surprise to Kate.

No, he couldn't really make things easier for her, but that wouldn't keep him from worrying about her. "Kate, you're still eating and taking care of yourself, right?" he asked, knowing he'd not likely get a straight answer. When she deflected and then tried to distract him by talking about requesting a post to New York he decided not to push it. She still had four more weeks of training and then things should really settle down as she got to start as a probationary agent. He allowed some enthusiasm to creep into his voice about the prospect of New York. He meant it when he said he'd go anywhere just to be with her but they'd both highly prefer New York for many reasons.

He could hear her breath evening out like it always did when she was falling asleep. He missed her so much, but she was not going to be able to talk with him like he wanted to. He tried not to feel too upset; he was being selfish when she was working so hard so she could get a great posting for the both of them. He told her to get some sleep and that he loved her then hung up and tried to sleep himself. It was very hard without her next to him in the bed. He'd slept alone for over a year until they'd finally gotten together and now he quailed at the thought of her being absent from him for another four weeks. He really was hopelessly in love.

* * *

Something was wrong with Beckett. Instead of settling into her training, she seemed to be struggling more as each week passed. She'd tried her best to hide it from him, but their daily talks had become nearly one liners, most of the conversation coming from him. He was really getting worried about her. It didn't help that she'd gotten the flu from Agent Murray's kid. When she told him about how she'd been puking off and on for a day he'd barely resisted the urge to drop everything and run to her side to take care of her. She'd promised she was feeling better and was still going to work, so he knew it couldn't be that serious.

He was currently in Indianapolis. There was a writer's workshop that he was participating in, as well as several book signings. He was really enjoying the city, exploring the home of Vonnegut and catching up with Jake, an old friend from college who'd moved to Indy years ago. Keeping busy helped him keep from obsessing over Kate's health all the time, but he couldn't keep from thinking about her whenever he had a moment alone. She was sounding weaker and weaker in his opinion, but just reassured him when he mentioned it. She was still working and the way he figured it if she'd just get some rest and real sleep it would probably go a long ways to making her feel better. When he got a text saying she was going to bed (quite early for her) he was relieved she'd be sleeping. He sent her a quick "I love you" to let her know he understood that she needed sleep more than she needed to talk to him. Feeling a bit better about everything, he headed out of the hotel to meet Jake at St. Elmo's for some fiery shrimp cocktail and some delicious steaks.

* * *

The next two days passed in a bit of a blur for Castle as his tour passed to Chicago and Paula went crazy filling his schedule with back to back events. He was feeling pretty tired himself and when Kate clearly didn't want to talk much on the phone he thought it might be due to her picking up on how exhausted he was and not wanting to bother him. She still sounded quite sick, but it was hard to really quantify it when they barely exchanged a whole sentence. He was still quite worried about her, but let his own fatigue color his response to her: saying goodnight and both crawling into bed.

* * *

Friday was again quite busy, but since he'd gotten some sleep the night before he felt pretty good. It was 10 pm when he finally was able to try Kate, but no matter how many times he called he couldn't get past her voicemail. He decided she must be sleeping, though every night before this for the last umpteen weeks she'd answered if he'd called. Not always on the first call, but usually he could get through eventually. When she didn't answer the ninth time he chose to go to bed vowing he'd get up early to call her. She was usually an early riser after all. He wished for the 3,817th time that they knew more people in D.C. If she'd been in New York, he'd just have called Ryan, Espo or Lanie and would have felt completely confident in their care of her; that is if she needed any care and let them actually help and not shot them.

* * *

Saturday had sucked. He'd woken early; really early as Chicago was an hour behind D.C. None of his calls had gotten through. Then, he'd been caught in the maelstrom Paula had created of bookstore after bookstore, all with fans queuing around the block so every second of his time was sucked up. He'd finally called Alexis in desperation and asked her to try Kate through the day so he could try to sign autographs and keep the fans and Paula happy. Alexis had been happy to do it, though she'd sounded a bit worried when he'd explained that Kate had been sick and he was having trouble getting through for the past two days.

"Couldn't you call someone to check on her?"

"I don't know who to call pumpkin. I don't know any of her teammates personally; the only one I talked to has the last name Murray, which is not exactly unique. I've tried her office phone too, but she's not there. I'm sure you'll get through today; she's probably still sleeping. I'll call you as soon as I'm done with these next few stops. Love you baby girl."

"Ok dad, I'll text you if I get through. Love you too."

By the time the last fan was satisfied, it was 9 pm in Chicago. Castle checked his phone and found no texts or messages from either Kate or Alexis. He tried Kate a few times without any luck and then called Alexis.

"Hi baby. No luck with Kate?" He was hoping she'd just forgotten to tell him.

"No dad, tried a million times and never got an answer. Are you sure she's ok? It seems very out of character for her."

"Well, if I don't hear from her by morning, I'm flying to D.C. and finding out what is going on."

"I'm worried about her too. Do you mind if I fly in as well?"

"I wouldn't mind at all Alexis, but you don't have to do that."

"Dad, she's become like a mother to me and even though you guys are basically living in D.C. these days I still feel really close to her. If she's sick, I can help you for a day or two. I don't have classes on Monday and I can skip my Tuesday morning lectures."

"Well, it would be nice to have help if she's sick. She gets really cranky when she can't do everything herself and if you're there it might keep her from killing me."

"Ok Dad. Call me in the morning if you're going to fly in."

"I will Alexis. Night."

* * *

Castle checked his boarding pass and texted the flight info to Alexis. She'd managed to snag a seat on a plane from New York that landed almost at the same time as his Chicago flight. They'd be at the townhouse by late morning and hopefully figure out why the hell Kate wasn't answering her phone. He'd decided she must have lost her charger or accidentally (or maybe purposefully) shut it off. Maybe they had her already working a case and she wasn't allowed to have it with her. He tried to keep his imagination from spinning much worse scenarios in his head. Paula had been livid at his cancelling everything for the day, but when she saw how upset he was about not being able to reach Kate she'd relented. They'd mutually decided not to cancel the next week's events in case Kate was fine and he could resume the tour. He didn't actually think this was going to play out that way, but figured it would keep her happy for a bit and thus more easily dealt with.

A few hours later, he waited in one of the coffee shops for Alexis to meet him. She had landed shortly after him but was in a different terminal. They were meeting in the concourse with baggage claim; neither had any to get but that's where they could grab a taxi together. He spied her red hair before she saw him and was struck by how grown up she'd become. One minute she'd been a tiny infant and now she was an independent woman. Catching her attention they went to the taxi stand and gave the driver the address. It was a forty minute ride even with Sunday traffic, so he and Alexis talked about some light topics. Neither wanted to voice their fears over Kate and make the other feel worse, so they talked about everything else.

Castle was craning his neck at the parking lot of the townhome complex as they finally pulled in. Suddenly he let out a huge sigh of relief and collapsed back into the seat.

"What is it Dad?"

His eyes closed, feeling so much better than the last two days he said "She's not here. Her car is gone. She must be at work."

They'd bought Beckett a car when she'd first moved. D.C. had a great transport system, but with her hours he hadn't felt safe about letting her use it. He'd insisted on a car and their town home had reserved spots for each unit. Their two spots were completely empty.

They got out of the car and Castle immediately started ringing Beckett's desk at work. He had to know if she was ok. Alexis was looking around the complex. She hadn't been down here yet but he could tell she liked the looks of the town home community. There were some families walking around and others out biking or jogging. It was pretty suburban feeling especially compared to the loft, but still very close to Kate's new job.

Castle took out his key for their unit and let himself and Alexis in. He was still ringing her desk, was determined to call until someone answered. He could tell she wasn't home; the place was silent and empty feeling. He saw immediately how bad she must have been feeling: there were half drunk water bottles scattered around and discarded articles of clothing and shoes lying haphazardly around. Kate was not a messy person, but if she was exhausted every night he could see her not caring about what the place looked like.

Alexis put her carry-on bag down and started straightening up a bit.

"The bedrooms are both upstairs Alexis. Yours is the first door on the right, the bathroom is to the left and then the master is at the end of the hall. If you want to go up and unpack and freshen up then I'll try to get someone at work and then we can figure out where to meet her. Take my bag up too if you will."

She grabbed both bags and started up the stairs. Castle was about to give up when Kate's phone was finally answered. "Agent Beckett's desk" said a voice that was definitely not Kate's.

"Hi, this is Rick Castle, Kate's fiancé."

"Oh, hi Rick. This is Abby Murray. We've spoken before."

"Right, yes. I take it you guys have some training today."

"Well, kind of. I'm here finishing up some paperwork before I get assigned my first case tomorrow."

He could hear how excited she was about having a first case. Kate would be as excited about it too.

"I was wondering if I could speak to Kate. Do you know where she is?"

"No, she's not here. I answered her phone because it wouldn't stop ringing. I figured it must be important."

"Hmm, her car isn't at home. I thought she must be at work."

"Oh, her car _is_ here. She was feeling really sick on Friday so we got the boss to send her home. We put her in a cab because it didn't look like she should drive. She told me she was going to sleep all weekend and be good as new on Monday."

Castle's gut clenched. If her car was at the office, where on earth could she be? He was about to ask Abby what kind of symptoms Kate had been having when an earth-shattering scream rent the air. Alexis was screaming his name. Forgetting all about Abby on the phone he rushed up the stairs two by two. His daughter was standing in the entrance of the master bedroom, his bag forgotten on the floor where she'd dropped it.

"Alexis, what is it? What's wrong?"

She kept screaming "Dad, dad" and pointing at something in the room. He'd never seen her like this, so he knew it was not going to be good. He also knew he wouldn't survive if she was dead. The door was blocking his vision past Alexis; he had to lift her out of the way when she wouldn't move.

"Alexis, quiet! What is it?" He shook her a bit, but nothing registered.

She wouldn't stop screaming, so he finally shoved past her. His first thought was some animal had gotten in and made a mess. The smell was horrific and there were foul smelling puddles of greenish liquid all over the floor. Then he caught sight of the bed and all the breath in his chest was lost. A body; her body. So distorted looking; shrunken, contorted. Nearly unidentifiable as human. He tried to rush to her side, slipping and falling in the liquid covering the floor so he landed heavily on his knees next to her. She was completely unresponsive, making very slow, deep agonal respirations. He heard a scream even louder than Alexis' but deeper and more heart wrenching. Later he would find out it was his screaming that made Abby Murray hang up with him and dial 911. When EMS found them, they were both still standing in shock, staring at the thing that used to be Kate Beckett.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm updating both my fics at once! Kind of crazy as they are quite different in many ways. Anyway, the next couple chapters of this one are going to be heavy on the medical side of things. Apologize in advance if you don't like details of things, but I want this story to be thorough; these early chapters are all spent in the hospital. My adult life has been dedicated to medicine so I'm way more comfortable in this setting than some of you may like. Just bear with me and we'll soon be in to happier days. Though "soon" is open to interpretation. Hahahaha.**

* * *

Castle was shattered. He couldn't think, couldn't move. Couldn't look at this caricature of Kate, couldn't look away. Her eyes were sunken deep into her head, hair a rat's nest that looked like it hadn't been washed in days. She was wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. Both were damp with the same bilious fluid that covered the bed and the floor. She looked like she'd lost 20 pounds; he could see deep indentations between her ribs in the areas where the t-shirt was melded to her chest. There was absolutely no indication from her that she was aware of them, had heard them screaming or felt his hands frantic to wake her up. Her chest made a deep rattling sound every time she had an agonal respiration. She was alive, but would not be for much longer. Behind him Alexis had regained her composure, especially upon seeing her Dad fall apart. She'd dialed 911, was told they had already been dispatched. She went to open the door for the EMS crew after first grabbing some towels to sop up some of the mess on the floor.

A lifetime later Castle heard some voices behind him. Male voices. Confused he turned slightly from his vigil by their bed and saw some paramedics entering the room with a gurney. Their faces were composed, neutral masks until they caught sight of Kate; they couldn't hide their shock when they saw how sick she was. Castle was unceremoniously shoved aside as the two men tried to attend to Kate. He didn't mind; he knew he couldn't help her. He watched as they worked quickly. They placed an oxygen mask over her face, placed her on monitors. He listened as they called out numbers, not understanding everything.

"Heart rate 140. Thready pulses. Blood pressure 80 over palp. Sat 97% on non rebreather."

One of the medics was looking at her skin. He pinched it and it tented easily in his fingers.

"She's too dry for an IV. I think we're gonna need to put in an I/O."

The other ran out of the room. Turning to Castle and Alexis, the other said "Are you her family?"

"I'm her fiancé and this is my daughter."

"Does she have any medical conditions? Do you know what's been happening with her?"

"I was out of town. She's completely healthy normally, in great shape. She told me she had caught the stomach flu last week, but I had no idea how sick she was. I couldn't get her to answer the phone yesterday so flew back this morning to check on her."

"She's extremely dehydrated and in shock. Normally we'd place an IV and start fluids but her veins are so dry there's no place to put one. We're going to place a needle in her femur and start running fluids into her that way. As soon as we get that started we'll be loading her in the bus and taking her to the nearest hospital. She's very sick sir. She needs immediate attention."

"Can I ride with her?"

"Yes, but just one of you can come."

Castle paused. He wanted to be with her more than anything, but he couldn't leave Alexis alone in a strange place. Just then the other paramedic came back in carrying what looked like a drill. An unfamiliar woman followed him.

"Oh my God. Kate!" she said. Castle stood numbly as the medics drilled a needle into Kate's upper thigh and taped it in place. They seemed satisfied with its placement and started stringing a bag of saline to run into it.

"Are you Rick Castle?" she was speaking to him.

"Yes" was all he could manage, not really caring who else was there. His whole focus was Kate.

"I'm Abby Murray. I heard you screaming over the phone so I called 911. I came as quickly as I could. What happened?"

"She was sick; I don't know" he mumbled "She won't wake up."

"Sir, we're going to load her on the gurney now. Are you coming with us or not?" the paramedic interrupted.

"My daughter….I want to come but I can't leave my daughter."

"Dad, I'll be fine. You need to be with Kate."

Abby spoke up next. "You go with her and I'll bring your daughter in my car. Which hospital will you be going to?"

The paramedics had moved Kate to the gurney, strapped her in with blankets covering her everywhere but her face and were hurrying down the stairs. They told Abby where to go and loaded the gurney in the back of the waiting ambulance. Rick was told to sit next to the medic in the back. He found her hand under some blankets and tried not to think how light and bony it felt. She still hadn't responded to any stimuli. They burst out of the neighborhood, sirens blaring and he braced himself as the frantic movement threatened to unbalance him. He kept stroking her hand as the medic next to him radioed the Emergency Room that was their destination.

* * *

Jerking to a stop, Rick was startled when the doors of the ambulance flew open. He was urged out of the way and watched helplessly as the medics and some of the ER personnel quickly unloaded the gurney and rushed her inside. Not knowing what else to do, he trailed behind unwilling to let her out of his sight.

In the trauma room, the medics were quickly recounting how they'd found Kate to the waiting medical team. Rick stood just inside the doorway, watching as the attending physician quickly assessed the situation. One of the nurses approached him.

"Are you her husband?"

"Not yet. She's my fiancée."

"Ok, you can stay in the room; just try to stay out of the way. As soon as they've stabilized her they'll need to ask you some questions."

He could see they were struggling to get an IV in any of her peripheral veins. He shorts and shirt had been cut off and her tremendous weight loss was very apparent. The attending physician beckoned him in a bit closer. She was medium in height and build with a confident air that made Rick like her immediately. He could see she knew what she was doing and ran the trauma team with a practiced air. He relaxed a smidgeon; Kate seemed to be in good hands.

"I'm Dr. Collins. I heard you say you're her fiancé? Do you know what happened?"

"Not really. She's a new federal agent and has spent the last five and half weeks training for her new position. I went out of town on business, so we've just been able to talk on the phone. She's been really tired. A few days ago she started vomiting; she told me she had the stomach flu. I haven't heard from her since Friday. When I couldn't reach her, I got worried. So, I flew in this morning and found her on the bed like this. It looked like she'd been puking for days; the bed and the floor were a mess." He felt like he had diarrhea of the mouth, couldn't stop talking. Anything to help them save Kate.

"Any previous medical conditions?"

"She was shot in the chest; you can see the bullet wound in the front and the surgical scar on her side. That was two years ago, she's had a clean bill of health from her cardiologist."

One of the nurses interrupted. "No luck on the IV Dr. Collins."

The physician turned back to Castle. "Mr…"

"I'm Rick. Rick Castle."

"Mr. Castle, your fiancée.."

"Kate" he broke in, eager to supply information.

"Yes, Kate. She is extremely dehydrated. The paramedics put a needle into her thigh bone so we could start rehydrating her, but she needs more. Now, I know you're her fiancée; however in the eyes of the law you are not able to consent for procedures. Does she have any family we could contact? Parents, siblings?"

He was devastated. He'd forgotten that their relationship wasn't formal enough for him to be able to give consents and have physicians talk to him about meaningful topics, namely Kate. "Her father is in New York. I'll try and call him."

"Ok. In the meantime, she is critical enough that we are going to move forward with whatever procedures we think she needs. In an emergency, if two physicians agree it is necessary we can do whatever we think is required to save a life. This is one of those times. We are going to do a cut down on one of her big veins to insert a central line. Then we can start rehydrating her and trying to figure out what is going on. Do you understand?"

Castle nodded numbly. Whatever they needed to do was fine with him as long as Kate got better.

"We're also going to intubate her and put her on a ventilator to assist her breathing; she is probably so acidotic from the dehydration that she is struggling to breathe. Once this is all done we'll be able to get some blood sent to the lab to figure out what is going on. You need to find her father so he can give consent for you to get information; otherwise we won't be able to tell you the details of what we find."

Castle nodded again. He knew about the privacy laws that hospitals and physicians operated under. It seemed stupid since Kate was closer to him than to any other living being, but they weren't married yet and that was all it took to alienate him from her in the eyes of the hospital. He started trying to find Jim Beckett while absently watching the team as they worked to save Kate.

* * *

A few hours later found him sitting next to her bed in the ICU, stroking her hand as he listened to the electronic reassurance of her heartbeat sound through the room thanks to the monitors. The ventilator whooshed 14 times a minute. He'd counted it multiple times. One more minute she was still with him, hadn't completely given up. He hadn't been able to get hold of Jim at all. He'd left dozens of panicked messages without response and finally had recruited his mother to go to Jim's apartment and see what she could find out from the neighbors. She hadn't called back yet.

Alexis and Agent Murray had arrived shortly after Kate had been intubated and had the central line placed in her neck. They'd stayed until it was time to move Kate to the ICU. Abby had again volunteered to take Alexis to a nearby hotel; he was grateful to her for all her help; they'd never met and yet she had been nothing but helpful and concerned. It restored his faith in humanity a bit that someone who was a total stranger to him could be so kind.

The doctors were very worried about Kate. He wasn't allowed details, but they had told him she was critically dehydrated. They were working to replace the fluids she'd lost, but they had to go slowly. Apparently she could suffer brain damage if they tried to correct everything too fast. She wasn't sedated at all, but still hadn't moved, hadn't tried to fight the breathing tube in her throat. They'd reassured him that this was expected given the degree of dehydration; as she improved she would wake up. He prayed fervently that moment would come soon, though he was warned it could take days and she may have suffered neurologic damage anyway. He prayed about that too. He'd been scared about losing her many times; they'd faced death together so often after all. This seemed so much worse; she'd been alone and had suffered so profoundly. He vowed he'd never leave her for more than a few days again.

* * *

His phone ringing broke his reverie as he clutched her right hand like a life ring. It was his mother, finally.

"Did you find him?"

"No darling, he's not here."

Castle's gut clenched again. It was killing him not to know anything substantial.

"Richard, I knocked on some neighbor's doors. I found a delightful little man across the hall who says Jim left for his cabin on Friday and was planning to be up there for most of the week. Do you know where it is?"

He didn't. Had never been up there, didn't know anyone who had besides Kate and Jim.

"No Mother. Does the neighbor know?"

"I'm afraid not kiddo. How is Katherine?"

"Unchanged. She's still not moving" his voice broke, tears threatening. It was all so overwhelming, and sometimes a boy just needed his mother.

"Now Richard, you know as well as I do that Katherine Beckett is as tough as they come. She's going to be fine Richard. You need to stay strong and keep saying she'll be fine."

"She's so still, so unlike Beckett. I don't know what I'll do if…" he couldn't finish.

"Richard, I'm leaving Jim's place now. I'm catching the next shuttle tonight. I'll rent a car, so don't worry about getting me. That way we'll have a car for moving around."

Castle wanted to protest, but stopped. He needed her here to help keep him strong and she would be indispensable for Alexis; he knew he couldn't do much to reassure his baby girl when he was falling apart.

* * *

The next person he thought to call was Lanie. She probably didn't know the cabin's address either, but she might know who he could call to find out. He was preparing to leave a voice mail when she didn't answer right away. When she suddenly picked up it startled him; she was breathless like she'd been running.

"Castle!" she gasped. "Why are you calling me on a Sunday? Is everything ok? You bored on your book tour and wanted to talk some sass?" She was teasing, but he couldn't process most of the conversation.

"Sorry to bother you Lanie" he started. Paused. Tried to be calm and in control. Utterly failed.

"Castle, it's no bother. Are you ok? What's wrong?" Her voice had lost it's playfulness and she was suddenly very serious.

He thought he heard a voice in the background, felt a little guilty for interrupting whatever she was doing but then glanced at Kate's unmoving body and whatever guilt and control he'd had evaporated. Lanie loved her too; her best female friend, her sister. He didn't need to pretend with her.

"Lanie" it came out with half a sob. He heard her suck in air on the other end, knowing just with this one word something was terribly wrong. "It's Kate. I found her…she's really bad. We called 911, now she's in the ICU."

"Oh my God Castle. What's wrong?"

"I don't know; they can't tell me, but I'm not sure they know yet either. She was apparently throwing up for days, she's really dehydrated." He paused again, body shaking now with sobs. "Lanie, she's on a ventilator and she doesn't move. She doesn't do anything when I touch her or talk to her. They had to cut into her to put in a central line. Oh God Lanie, what am I going to do?" He could hear her moving, whispering to someone in the background. Suddenly she was back with him.

"I'm coming down as soon as I can get a flight."

"You don't need to do that Lanie."

"Don't you tell me what I need to do Richard Castle. She's my best friend, I'm coming down."

"Ok. My mom's coming too; maybe you guys could come together." He was proud he'd remembered that simple detail. He was trying to hold it together.

"I'll check with her Castle. What about her Dad?"

He'd almost forgotten why he'd called in the first place. "I can't reach him at all. The hospital needs her next of kin, so I've been trying since we got here. Mother went to his apartment and a neighbor said he'd gone to his cabin. Do you have any idea where it is?"

"No sweetie, I'm afraid not."

He sighed. It had been a long shot. "Do you think Ryan or Espo might know?"

She hesitated for a minute; he thought she might not have heard him. Then he heard her ask the question to whoever she was with. Confused, Rick waited for a minute, not sure what was going on. A second later, he heard Espo's voice on the phone and understood. The tiny ribbon of guilt that he'd felt earlier started to rise again, but any regrets were erased when Javi spoke.

"Bro, I know where the cabin is. I'm leaving now, it takes a couple hours. As soon as I find him we'll call you so don't turn off your phone, ok? Take care of her Castle."

"I will. And thank you Javier."

"Hey man, we all love her too. Just hang in there." Then he was gone, one of her guardian angels on a mission to find her father for him. For the first time since he'd found her, he relaxed a tiny bit. She had so many people in her life that loved her; surely together they could move mountains.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Wow! Thanks so much for all the follows and reviews. I hadn't intended to write this until my first story was done, but the words and images to this one just kept coming up in my head. Glad people are enjoying it. If you like it, be sure to keep telling me! It gives me motivation to continue working on this.**

Nothing had changed in the ICU room visibly. She still lay unmoving on the bed, seemingly unresponsive to anything done to her. He still clutched her hand, spoke to her at times, pleaded with her at others. The nursing staff had been wonderful, explaining the numbers on the monitor and what they were meant. Her heart rate was beginning to slow; it had been way too fast initially. Her heart had been trying to pump what little fluid remained in her vascular system as best it could, but it had been losing the battle due to the dehydration.

They had done an echocardiogram, apparently concerned about her heart due to the old gunshot wound. He didn't know the results of course, but nothing further had been mentioned regarding her heart's condition so he assumed it was ok. The nurses were drawing labs every two hours. They seemed satisfied with the results; the doctors occasionally ordering a change in the rate the fluid was dripping into her. Yet, again, he wasn't allowed to know. Just being there for now was all he wanted. He knew he would be told once they found Jim and got everything straightened out. For now it was enough to be the one holding her hand.

* * *

Martha and Lanie's plane landed three hours after he'd spoken to them. They came to the hospital after swinging by the hotel Alexis was at and picking her up. Agent Murray had gone home to her family long ago, asking to be called with updates. Castle was getting worried about Esposito. No word from him or Jim and he had said it would only take two hours. Rick was imagining Espo never finding Jim; without family to consent to it Rick would never be allowed any detailed information about Kate.

Rick looked up from his chair by her bed when his mother and Alexis walked in. He'd been told the normal policy for ICU visitation was two people per bedside but apparently the nursing staff was taking pity on them today.

His mother let out a horrified gasp when she saw Kate. She'd been told she looked bad, but nothing could have prepared her for the reality. Her son sat beside the bed, hunched over clutching her hand. She looked so small lying in the bed with all the monitors attached to her.

"Richard, oh Richard" she said as she walked slowly to his chair. She gave him a hug as he sat in the chair, his head pulled into her midsection. She could feel how tense he was; he was nearly shaking. When she pulled back, she grabbed his head on either side with her hands and looked deeply into his eyes. She mainly read fear there, though she thought she saw some traces of anger and frustration as well. She turned to the bed and placed her hand over his, the one that still clutched Kate's, then sat in the chair next to his.

"Any change?"

"No mother. Nothing has changed." He sounded defeated, exhausted.

Alexis had moved into the room as well, sitting on the opposite side of the bed from her father. She had tears in her eyes as she reached out and grabbed Kate's free hand.

"Where's Lanie?" He knew they had flown down together.

"Out trying to play the doctor card to get some information."

"That's not going to work. No one knows her here."

"Oh kiddo, I know that and you know that, but there was no getting her to listen. I'm not going to try and stop her. I'll let you handle that."

Rick tried to picture himself, or anyone, reigning in Lanie. Not. Possible.

"Have you heard from Jim yet?" Martha knew how much Jim's call would mean.

"No, and I'm getting worried. Javier thought it'd only take a few hours to get up there. It's been way longer."

Lanie entered the room as he was speaking. She visibly blanched a bit when she saw Kate, then walked over to the side next to Alexis and sat down.

"Castle, Javi only was at the cabin once. He was certain he could find it, but if not he was going to stop and ask people in the nearby town. You know there are all kinds of reasons why they haven't called yet. I'm sure it will be soon."

Rick knew she was right, but he just wanted the answers as to what was going on.

"Did they tell you anything?" he asked, knowing that they hadn't.

"No. They're right not to, but I was hoping some professional courtesy would help smooth things over. I did meet the attending physician, Dr. Baker. He seems very good. He told me he was hoping you'd find Jim soon as well; he hates not being able to tell you everything."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Rick was already used to the sounds the monitors made, the sound of the ventilator pushing air into her. It felt like his entire life had been spent in this room, waiting for a sign from her. Her nurse came in to check things, speaking small words of reassurance to them.

"She's starting to make more urine and her heart rate is slowly coming down" she said; her tone made it seem like that these small details were the most important things in the world. She went through the process of drawing more blood off the central line to send to whatever labs they were monitoring. He longed to know more at this point, curious what it was they had to check every 2 hours. Had to wait for Jim to call. Waiting was all he could do.

Castle watched as she emptied the bag attached to the catheter into her bladder. The urine was dark as tea and while there was some there it certainly didn't look like enough to start a celebration. He knew the nurse was just pointing out the positives that she could so he kept his bitter thoughts to himself.

Suddenly, the sound of his cell phone broke the air. Finally, oh finally. He answered before even looking to see who it was; it had to be Espo and Jim, he was so focused on their calling that he couldn't fathom it being anyone else.

It wasn't them. He listened wordlessly as Paula's voice cut through the air. He couldn't hear what she was saying, couldn't process that the voice on the phone _hadn't_ been Jim or Espo.

The three women in the room could hear enough of Paula's voice to know she was asking how everything was. Castle made no effort to answer her or even to seem to know who it was that was speaking to him. Martha finally forcibly removed the phone from his hands. She quickly reassured Paula that Richard was fine and that they were with him, supporting him. It was clear they had to cancel the remainder of the tour, so Paula sent her best wishes for them via Martha and hung up to start making the necessary phone calls.

His phone jangled in Martha's hand again about five minutes later. This time Castle didn't allow himself to hope. He clung to Kate's hand; eyes cast down as he listened to his mother answer the phone. It was them. Suddenly he could breathe again; finally he could start to get some answers.

"Rick?" was the first thing he heard after reclaiming his phone from his mother. "Rick, what's going on?"

"I don't know Jim. She wasn't feeling well this past week, told me she had the flu. Then I couldn't get in touch with her over the last two days. I knew something was wrong, so I flew back and…and we found her…" He couldn't go on as his mind replayed the horrific scene in their bedroom that he and Alexis had found just hours earlier.

"Is she going to be ok?" Jim's voice was tight, taut.

"I don't know. She's in the ICU. She's on a ventilator and she won't respond to anything."

"Do they know what's wrong?"

"They can't tell me. I'm not considered next of kin."

Jim was silent for a minute. He was struggling to process this detonation that had turned his life inside out. He'd been out fishing on the lake, enjoying a beautiful sunset and hours of time just being alone out on the water. He'd found a man pacing up and down his dock when he'd motored back and when he got close enough to identify him as Detective Esposito he knew something was terribly wrong. They'd called Rick as soon as the boat was tied up.

Lanie had left the room as soon as she heard that it was Jim calling. She returned with Kate's nurse who took the phone from Castle and spoke with Jim briefly. After confirming that he was Kate's father and that he consented to Castle and the others to being present for medical information she had Castle put the phone on speaker.

"Mr. Beckett, I'm going to page the attending physician to come and speak at length to you. If you can stay on the phone for a few minutes he should be here shortly."

She left to page the physician and Martha and the others all made some small talk with Jim as they waited for news. He was planning on rushing back to the city as soon as he heard from the doctor. Catching one of the myriad flights to DC wouldn't pose much of a problem once he got back to New York.

* * *

Another eternity seemed to drag by before the attending came back in the room. Rick sat up straighter, clutched Kate's hand harder. Finally, he would know more about what was happening.

"Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Baker. I'm the attending physician taking care of Ms. Beckett."

Jim's voice was loud through the speaker. "Dr. Baker, this is Katie's father. Can you please tell me what's wrong with my daughter?"

Dr. Baker again established with Jim that it was ok to speak in front of Castle and the others and had Jim verbally consent to allowing Castle to make medical decisions and receive all information about Kate's condition.

"Sorry, that is a legality that we cannot ignore. Anyway, Mr. Beckett, your daughter presented with profound dehydration and hyponatremia, which is low sodium levels in her blood, after what appears to be days of intractable vomiting. Let me go from head to toe in describing her condition and then we'll discuss what could be causing it."

Rick was hanging on every word. Knowing what was going on was the first step in fixing it so she'd get back to him, back to normal.

"We'll start at the top. When she was found she was unresponsive to voice. With painful stimuli she flexes her arms inward a bit."

Dr. Baker moved closer to the bed and showed the people in the room what that looked like. Rick hadn't even noticed this previously, too scared out of his mind to see what the medical team had been doing to her and her response to them.

"Is that good?" Jim asked.

"Well, it's not good. Though it's not necessarily bad either; it's a reflection of how sick she is. We measure neurologic response on a scale of 15. It's called the Glasgow Coma Scale. Normal, no issues would score 15. Miss Beckett had a score of 5 on arrival. This is severe, but knowing how dehydrated she was probably explains this. As she improves, if she survives this, I expect her neurologic status to improve."

Rick felt the floor open beneath him. He was falling, the only thing keeping him safe was his hand clutching hers.

"Did you say if she survives?" demanded Jim. He had no idea it was this bad.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. She came in near death as it was. One hour later I don't think she would have survived. She was having agonal respirations, which is a very bad sign. She was in hypovolemic shock which means she'd lost so much fluid from her body that she could no longer maintain an adequate blood pressure to supply all her organs. Now, like I was saying, we won't know until she starts to wake up more if there has been brain damage. When she's more stable we can do a head CT, which is quick to do and gives a rough picture of things. Or if we're very concerned we'll do a head MRI which takes much longer but gives better details of things. It all depends on how she responds. If she wakes up with no deficits, then we won't need to do any of those studies. I do want to stress however that currently she has had no sedation of any kind. We've put her through some pretty noxious stimuli in the last few hours and if she had responded in any way that seemed to indicate discomfort or pain we would have given her something. Unfortunately that has not been the case. You can imagine if she were back to normal she would not tolerate for a second the breathing tube in her mouth or the catheters in her nose and bladder. Yet she hasn't shown any awareness of them. This is very concerning; it may resolve quickly or very slowly. Or not at all."

Dr. Baker paused for a minute; saw no one had any questions as they struggled to process his words.

"From a respiratory standpoint, her lungs are fine. However, with her GCS being so low and her agonal respirations she required airway protection and assistance. This is why we placed the endotracheal tube and put her on a ventilator. As soon as she shows signs of neurologic improvement we'll be able to remove it. From a cardiovascular standpoint, her heart rate and blood pressure are improving with fluids. She has not required any pressors to assist her blood pressure so far. This may be necessary if her pressure starts to fall and we can't give more fluid. We did an ECHO to check her cardiac function due to her old gunshot wound. Her heart is working normally. It had to pump very fast to send what little fluid it had out to her body but there is no sign that it's been strained or is struggling. Normally we would have put in large bore IVs in her arms, but with the degree of dehydration she had that was impossible. In the ER they had to make an incision in her neck to find the jugular vein and the central line was then placed directly into this site. Once she is rehydrated and more stable this will be removed after we place another IV or two."

Another pause. Another silence unbroken except for Kate's monitors.

"As far as the gastrointestinal system, well this is the most complicated in some ways. She was clearly vomiting for some time; likely days. She appears to have lost a lot of weight both from lack of fluid and nutrition. We've placed a nasogastric tube that is hooked up to intermittent suction to keep her stomach empty. That's the tube that goes in her nose. We also need to keep detailed measures of her fluid intake and output. Her only intake at this point is normal saline, which is what is going in the IV bag. There is a Foley catheter in her bladder that drains any urine into this bag." He indicated the bag the nurse had emptied a short while ago.

"Why is her urine so dark?" Rick asked.

"Her kidneys were getting decreased blood flow due to her shock. The dark urine is a reflection of that and the dehydration itself will make the urine look very concentrated. Fortunately, her liver numbers look fine. The human body tries to preserve blood flow to the brain at the cost of all other organs. The fact that her liver looks ok makes me feel better about the degree of shock; it was perhaps not as bad as it could have been."

Rick nodded, accepting this small comfort as a victory. It was hard to imagine things could be worse though.

Dr. Baker continued his description of her condition. "Her sodium was very low when she came in. Normal is 135 to 145. She was at 122. This is due to the vomiting, losing her electrolytes through the intractable puking. Typically in severe dehydration without vomiting the sodium is very high. Now, low sodium is quite dangerous. If we were to replace it very rapidly, she would likely develop a particular kind of brain damage called central pontine myelinosis. We have to replace the sodium very, very slowly. This is why the nurses are taking blood samples every two hours. When we get the results back, we adjust the rate the fluids are infusing. Going so slowly is probably going to keep her from waking up quickly, but it will also protect her from having further damage. We're also replacing her potassium and some other electrolytes that were low, but the sodium is the most critical one. We've started her on some vitamins and put her on a proton pump inhibitor which keeps her from producing stomach acid. This is more of a preventative measure. Once she starts to wake up we'll be able to start some liquid formula and see if she starts vomiting again, but that's probably days from now. We've not given her any glucose yet; we have to wait for the vitamins, but if her sugar starts to fall we'll add that to the IV fluids."

Rick felt like he could barely breathe. He'd wanted to know everything, but the details were so overwhelming he wasn't sure he'd heard much after '_if she survives_'. He was glad Lanie was there. With her medical background she would understand everything and would be able to explain it to him over and over until he got it.

"She has no signs of infection, so we've not started any antibiotics. She was not anemic when she came in. However, with all the fluid resuscitation for the dehydration she may become anemic. If her hemoglobin drops far enough we may have to give her a blood transfusion. Her clotting numbers look ok for now. They can become abnormal with shock. Since hers are normal, we're placed her on a medicine called enoxaparin, which is an injection of low molecular weight heparin. This keeps her blood from being too sticky; she is at high risk for developing clots for several reasons, though the dehydration is the main issue. She's lying in bed, unmoving. And, well, then there is the reason that I think that led to all this."

He paused, a bit uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if they knew. Probably not since she'd been alone when all this had happened.

"So, now that you know what we're doing for her, it's time to discuss why this all happened. The dehydration and the hyponatremia are explainable by the intractable vomiting. We've run several tests to look into the vomiting. Not all of them are back yet. For example, we've sent tox screens for several things. We've ruled out infectious processes like a urinary tract infection or hepatitis. There are ear problems, like labyrinthitis and Ménière's disease that we can't look into until she's more stable. However, I think we know the answer. One of the tests we send on all women on admission is a blood, or serum, measure of human chorionic gonadotropin or hCG. Miss Beckett's level is quite elevated."

Rick heard Lanie gasp and her hand flew to her mouth. Clearly this elevated level of whatever was a significant problem based on Lanie's reaction. None of the rest of them had a clue about it though.

"Is it curable?" asked Jim from the phone.

Dr. Baker knew he'd paused too long. He hadn't meant to, was going to explain it, but Dr. Parish's reaction had distracted him and now everyone was confused.

"I'm sorry, I didn't explain that well. It's not something you fix. Well, I suppose you could…" he was digging himself in more. Before anyone could voice more questions to muddy the water further he held up his hand to keep them from speaking for a second. "Human chorionic gonadotropin is elevated when you're pregnant. Ms. Beckett was vomiting because she's pregnant. The serum level of the hCG indicates she's about 10 weeks. Congratulations!"

As the meaning of his words slowly percolated through his head, Rick saw and heard the happy reactions of everyone around him. Pregnant! She was pregnant. They were going to have a baby. He clutched her hand to his chest, tears falling unnoticed from his eyes. They had talked about kids a bit; both wanted them, though neither had been ready this early. Jim was asking a few more questions of Dr. Baker but Rick couldn't hear anything but the last few sentences the attending had spoken to them earlier. She was 10 weeks pregnant! Now, if only she'd wake up and they could celebrate together. His brain kept replaying the conversation, the joy of their baby overcoming slightly the despair he'd had earlier about how sick she was. Surely if she knew she was pregnant she'd fight with all her might to get back to him, to them.

"Ok, any more questions then?" Dr. Baker was about to leave.

Alexis had a strange look on her face. "Did you say she's 10 weeks pregnant?"

"Yes, based roughly on the serum levels of hCG. We'll have to do an ultrasound to confirm it all."

"And that's based on the last menstrual period? So you add two weeks, right?"

Castle stared at her, not understanding the questions or why she looked so pensive.

"Yes, that's right. All pregnancies are dated from the LMP, even if we don't know when that was. You subtract 2 weeks from it for conception. So, technically I guess she's just 8 weeks pregnant" said the doctor.

Alexis was staring at him intently. She wasn't going to say anything more, didn't want to be the one to say it out loud.

"Alexis, what does it matter when conception was? Why do you care?" Martha asked.

Rick felt the ground opening again, but this time he'd dropped Kate's hand and wasn't touching her at all. It mattered. It mattered a lot. Because 8 weeks ago, 7 weeks ago and 9 weeks ago he'd not been with her. He'd been in New York.

* * *

**A/N: I spent the first 10 years of my life after finishing all my training as an attending in a very busy Pediatric Intensive Care Unit until a variety of issues made me realize I had to move away from it to preserve my sanity. I've given hundreds, maybe thousands, of summaries like the one here where you describe where you're at and where you're going with a patient to a family who is trying mentally to process the condition of the patient. There's a fine line of being too technical so they don't understand you or not telling them enough. Sometimes families just don't want to know; others want to know everything. This conversation is how I would describe Beckett's condition initially. As you forge a relationship with a family you learn what they want to know and how they want to know it. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I am shocked by the hornet's nest I stirred up with the last chapter. Thanks for all the reviews/replies/follows and favorites. I honestly had no idea (to paraphrase one Richard Castle). I wasn't planning on updating quickly, but I can see I need to if I want to avoid a mutiny.**

**ONE more week! Can't wait!**

**Also, did anyone else see the sneak peek from EW today? Holy crap!**

* * *

Dr. Baker immediately knew he'd made another mistake. The pointed questions from the daughter of the fiancé and the look on the fiancé's face made it clear that a 10 week pregnancy was not good news. Desperate to keep them from spiraling out of control, he interjected "This is not a definitive test. It's even possible she's not pregnant at all."

The confused looks were almost comical. He hadn't wanted to get this specific, but was forced to do so now. "Human chorionic gonadotropin is generally elevated for pregnancies, but it can also be elevated in other conditions."

"Like what?" asked Alexis. She was trying to hold it all together but this was just a day that kept getting worse and worse. She didn't want to believe Kate would have cheated on her Dad; it would certainly be out of character from the person Alexis had grown to know well in the last year. However, when the Dr. Baker had mentioned the dates she couldn't help but do the calculation in her head. She knew her dad hadn't been in D.C. a lot with the contract negotiations and then the book tour. She couldn't help but be protective of him and her inquisitive mind wouldn't let the whole thing just go unsaid.

"Well, unfortunately, in certain cancers."

You could have heard a pin drop; that is if it happened to drop between heart beats on the monitor.

"Also, if she is pregnant and there are multiple fetuses, the hCG will be very elevated compared to singleton gestations."

Dr. Baker felt for the door behind him. He wasn't leaving, but the tension in the room with every sentence he spoke was rising exponentially. They were looking at him like he was fresh meat in a lion's den. Not a good feeling. Maybe the nurse would come in for a vital's check and rescue him?

"And just what do we need to do to figure this all out?" Martha spoke with a tension in her voice that revealed how concerned she was.

"Well, ultimately we need to do an ultrasound. Unfortunately, it would have to be a transvaginal ultrasound at this point; she's too dehydrated to do it through her abdomen and if it's cancer it would be better imaged transvaginally. We're reluctant to do such an invasive test until she's more stable though. At this point, it truly doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not. The priority is stabilizing her from a cardiovascular standpoint and then a neurologic standpoint. None of the medications she's on would affect a pregnancy. I have to say that pregnancy would explain the vomiting the best, unlike cancer. Most women have vomiting during their pregnancy, but this is far more than would generally be expected. I suspect this severe, intractable vomiting is due to something called hyperemesis gravidarum. It's very rare in pregnant women, but more common in those who have never been pregnant before. It's really the most likely explanation, but we won't know for sure until we can get her extubated and then get the ultrasound."

"You said multiple fetuses, feti?, would alter the level of the hCG?" Rick spoke flatly, still taking in the information. It was so hard to process it all. He'd grabbed Kates hand again, clutching it tightly in his.

"Yes, the hCG level would be much higher than expected, making her pregnancy look more advanced than it was. Also, it would be a risk factor for hyperemesis as well."

"Then that's the only explanation that makes sense. My god, what else can happen to us?" Rick meant that as a rhetorical question, but Dr. Baker didn't know his and Kate's history and answered him.

"Mr. Castle, I have to warn you that with as much as her body has been through it is very unlikely this pregnancy will remain viable; _if_ she's pregnant. She was in shock and truly would not have lasted much longer. You need to prepare yourself for that outcome. We're doing everything to save Ms. Beckett, let alone any fetus or fetuses she may carry."

"I appreciate that doctor, I really do. But you don't know Kate Beckett. She is as strong as they come. She's going to be fine, our babies will be fine.

With all their immediate questions answered, Dr. Baker left them with Kate.

"I'll be down as soon as possible." Jim had nearly been forgotten. He and Espo took their leave to start the drive back to the city. Lanie, Martha and Alexis left soon after to go back to the hotel. Rick wouldn't leave her side, their side. He stroked her flat belly and talked to her and the children he was certain were there. He'd never believed she would have cheated, though the math had startled him for a moment. Now she just had to recover and get better. He had no doubt she could do it, especially with him at her side.

* * *

Castle slept fitfully in the reclining chair at her room near the foot of her bed. It was too large to be up next to her bed and still allow the nursing staff access so he alternated dozing in it or sitting next to her in one of the more uncomfortable, upright chairs next to her and holding her hand, talking to her. He'd thought the incessant beeping of her electronic monitors would bother him, but actually found it reassuring in a strange way. She was still here, still with him.

Jim had arrived around 1 am. He clearly was badly shaken by his daughter's appearance. Rick had tried to reassure him as much as possible; she'd been stable the whole night and in reality was looking much better than earlier. He decided not to mention that little fact to Jim though. He'd managed to persuade the elder Beckett to go check in at the same hotel the women were at by 1:45 am. He'd rented a car as well, knowing there were now 5 of them keeping watch over Kate and they could use the extra vehicle.

Around 2am he'd given up the bedside chair, too exhausted to do anything but sleep fitfully in the recliner. He didn't even notice the nurses coming in and out as they continued their job through the night.

He woke up bleary eyed and with a horrible taste in his mouth around 7 a.m. It was shift change for the nurses and the night nurse, Nancy, was going over everything with the day nurse. Rick rubbed his eyes and sat the chair up.

"Good morning ladies."

"Good morning Mr. Castle. This is Amanda; she'll be taking care of Kate today" said Nancy.

"Nice to meet you Amanda. How is she doing this morning?"

"Well, her heart rate is much better as you can see; well below 100 consistently. She's doing a lot of over breathing on the ventilator, so they've turned the rate down and she's now doing most of the work. Her urine output is really picking up, and her sodium is correcting at just the right rate. They're still watching it closely, but the physicians seem very pleased with it."

Rick knew it was all good news. The most important question to him though was whether she was waking up. He threw off the blanket they'd given him for the night and went to the chair he typically sat in. Grabbing her hand, he asked "Is she moving yet?"

Nancy gave him a big grin and said "watch this." She then took her hand and pressed fairly hard on Kate's breast bone. "Ms. Beckett" she said loudly. "Kate."

Watching closely, Rick didn't see anything at first. Suddenly he felt her hand tighten its grip on his. She was moving! He let out a huge sigh and the two nurses smiling at him.

"She's not out of the woods yet, but she's getting there. She's doing very well."

* * *

After the nurses finished their handoff, Rick once again found himself alone with Kate. He scooted the chair as close to the bed as he could and moved the railing that separated them down so he could lean over the mattress and stroke her shoulder and chest.

"Kate, it's Rick. You need to wake up. Please, you need to come back to me."

He listened to her steady heartbeat. He kept stroking her and talking to her, his pleas becoming more demanding when he got no response.

"Kate, you said you'd never leave me. You promised. You have to open your eyes. I need you to wake up."

Suddenly he heard her heart rate sped up. Looking up he saw on the monitor it had jumped up by 20 beats. Looking back down at her he saw her hands twitch. He grabbed the nearest and squeezed, repeating his pleas to her to wake up. He would have missed it if he hadn't been staring so hard at her face; her eyes twitched, then abruptly opened. He fumbled for the call light and shouted for Amanda. Alarms were now sounding out shrilly from the heart monitor and the ventilator. With a lurch, Kate suddenly grabbed for the breathing tube. Rick caught her hands just in time and tried to calm her down as he waited for what seemed like an eternity until Amanda ran into the room.

"Wow, it seems like she's finally woken up. Let me grab a doctor."

"Kate, Kate it's me. You have to stop fighting. You're ok."

She'd turned her head towards him, blinking her eyes. He didn't think she could see much out of them, but the sound of his voice calmed her down. She stopped struggling as he mindlessly poured out words of encouragement and calming. He was fairly certain she'd fallen asleep again and he decided not to push it until Amanda returned with a doctor.

Just as he relaxed his hold, thinking she was asleep, her eyes suddenly flew open again. This time her eyes were much clearer; he could see into them, saw the panic and fear spilling out of them. She started thrashing her arms about, though she was so weak he could easily keep them from all the tubes. He saw the terror escalate, knew she was probably spiraling down into a panic attack. He continued to speak to her in low, reassuring tones but nothing seemed to work. As he held her on the bed he turned his head to the door and yelled. "Amanda, someone. I need help. We need help in here!"

Amanda burst in seconds later with two other nurses and a woman doctor he hadn't met yet.

"She's awake and trying to pull everything out." Rick wasn't sure he really needed to spell it out for them, but did anyway.

"We need to see if she's cooperative" the physician said. "Kate, can you squeeze my fingers?" She grabbed one of Kate's hands, but wasn't satisfied with the response.

"We'll have to sedate her if she won't respond. She's not alert enough to extubate."

Castle knew that with her PTSD things probably would not improve, especially if they sedated her. "Can you hang on just a minute? Let me calm her down."

He turned back without waiting for an answer and started speaking to Kate in his most persuasive tones. He had to get through to her.

"Kate, sweetheart, you have to calm down. I know you're scared. You're in the hospital. I know you're confused, but you have to trust me. You know I love you and I'll never let anything bad happen to you. Just relax and they may try to take the breathing tube out. But sweetheart, you have to stop fighting."

As he spoke, he stroked her arms, face and hair with one hand while keeping her hands captive in his other. He felt her starting to relax and some of the panic left her eyes. He didn't know what she understood, but she seemed to know him and had listened to him. He prayed that meant no brain damage.

"Ok Ms. Beckett, let's try this again. Can you squeeze my fingers?" The doctor took one of her hands again.

"Please Kate, just do what she says and you might get that tube out of your throat."

Kate must have listened to him, as the doctor seemed pleased by her response this time.

"Very good Ms. Beckett. Now wiggle your toes for me. Great, now can you look at me? Ok, great. Do you want the breathing tube out?"

Kate nodded vigorously, eyes half closed again.

The physician asked the nurses a few questions about some of Kate's vitals and quickly looked at her chart.

"Ok, we'll give it a shot. Her sodium level is looking great and she doesn't seem to have obvious neurologic problems. We need the respiratory therapist to come in and do a few things and then we'll pull it and see what happens. The NG and the Foley will stay in though."

Rick was so grateful he might be able to hear her talk soon; he didn't care what they needed to do.

"Her throat will be very sore and might be swollen" the doctor warned. "If the respiratory therapist can't get a leak of air around the tube we'll have to sedate her and wait until tomorrow."

"Kate, did you hear that? They're going to check some things and see if they can pull the breathing tube." She nodded her understanding, eyes now fully closed. Her hand still gripped his tightly though. He no longer was restraining her; it felt like she was clinging to him like a rock against a rising tide.

The few minutes it took for the respiratory therapist to check out Kate's breathing seemed to take forever, but soon she got the all clear. Rick continued to hold her hand as the medical team prepared her for the extubation. As soon as the endotracheal tube was removed, she started coughing and seemed to struggle a bit. The doctor, whose name was Dr. Holling, told Rick this was expected. Kate sounded very hoarse due to the swelling from the tube and the prolonged vomiting. They put some oxygen in her nose and let her settle down a bit. She kept her eyes closed, seeming to have to concentrate on breathing though she still clutched Ricks hand for strength.

Finally her breathing and heart rate evened out and Rick saw Amanda and Dr. Holling relaxing a bit. Kate opened her eyes again and croaked "water."

Dr. Holling immediately told her that she'd have to wait several hours before they'd allow her to drink, but did authorize Amanda to let her have a few ice chips. Rick could tell Kate was not happy about the situation, but he also knew no one would risk her health by giving her something against the doctor's orders.

"Rick" her voice was so muffled and hoarse he could barely understand her.

"Yes honey, what can I do?"

"What happened?"

Castle decided she was in no shape to hear a lot of the details, so he simply said "You were vomiting for so long you got severely dehydrated. Alexis and I found you when you didn't answer your phone."

Kate nodded her understanding and didn't say anything else. Amanda had wet down a washcloth and showed Castle how to wipe Kate's face up, avoiding the NG tube taped beneath her nose. He thought she'd fallen asleep again until he heard "throat hurts."

Amanda looked to Dr. Holling. "She can have some morphine for severe pain. I'll order some Lortab elixir you can give by NG as well or plain Tylenol." She explained to Castle these were all painkillers and that Kate's throat pain was completely normal.

Amanda gave Kate a few ice chips then turned the cup and spoon over to Rick, warning him very strictly not to give her too much at a time. Kate acted like the ice was the first water she'd had since walking through the Sahara desert. In some ways he supposed that was a pretty apt description of what she'd went through.

Slowly, her eyes closed for longer periods of time and she relaxed completely in the bed. Amanda had given her some morphine and as it took effect she drifted off into a deep slumber. Rick clutched the cup of melting ice, still holding her hand. After all the medical personnel were satisfied with her breathing he was left alone with her once more. This time he put his head down on her bed next to where he held her hand and started sobbing. He was so relieved she seemed ok. He hadn't let himself think about any scenario that didn't include Kate not making it out but deep down he'd known it was a possibility. They had somehow beaten the odds again; he was so thankful and so scared of what might have been. He cried for over 10 minutes, so full of love for her he didn't know if he would have survived without her in his life.

* * *

The others showed up around 9:30. Because she was less critical, the visitor limitation was strictly enforced for the day. Two per bedside. Castle felt guilty initially as he didn't want to leave her, so only one of the others could be in the room at a time. Kate was still sleeping heavily from the narcotics she'd gotten earlier, so he was pushed and cajoled into leaving her room for the waiting room so that the others had more time with her. He then found out that Lanie and Alexis had risen early and gone to the townhouse. They'd retrieved Rick's bag and cleaned the bedroom up. The sheets were beyond saving, so they threw them out. He was very grateful for their thoughtfulness.

Once they'd made Rick go to the waiting room Martha and then Alexis started pushing him to go back to the hotel.

"You need a shower and change of clothes. Richard, you'll feel better. Kate is sleeping, she won't miss you. We'll be with her and if anything happens we'll call right away."

Alexis was more direct than his mother: "Dad, you smell. I'll take you to the hotel and bring you back."

Castle knew they were right. He just didn't want to miss any time with Kate. Amanda was the one that finally broke him, telling him that Kate was likely to sleep for several more hours. Unable to argue further, he allowed Alexis to take him to the nearby hotel.

* * *

The longer he was away the more his anxiety climbed. What if she woke up and he wasn't there? What if she needed him and no one else knew what to do? It was ridiculous thinking; he knew that on a certain level. Lanie was a physician, Jim her father and Martha had become pretty close to Kate over the year she'd spent with him. Nevertheless, he knew every look, every glance without her needing to voice anything. He rushed through the shower, pulled out some wrinkled but clean clothes and was ready to go back within 30 minutes. Alexis just shook her head, but she could see he was struggling being away from Kate.

In the car, he was silent. Alexis kept glancing at him, worried, as she drove. Finally she couldn't take it any longer. "Dad, are you ok?"

"I'm fine pumpkin. Way better than yesterday. She seemed herself this morning, I don't think there is any brain damage, thank God."

"I'm sorry about the comments I made yesterday" she said slowly. "I didn't mean to imply Kate was unfaithful to you. I know she never would be."

"I know that too sweetheart. It's ok, you like to ask questions, make sure everything lines up in that brilliant head of yours. I would have asked the same thing if I hadn't been too close to the situation."

They rode in silence again, nearly back to the hospital. She had another question for him but was scared to ask. She was pretty sure of the answer yet unsure enough to want to ask. After she parked and turned off the ignition she finally decided to go for it before he took off back into the hospital.

"Dad?" her voice was tremulous. She hated all these unasked questions, living without answers. "Are you happy about the babies?"

He looked at her sharply. "We're still not sure about that Alexis. But yes, if this is the answer as to why she's been so ill I'm very happy. Well, not about her being sick, but about the baby or babies. Why?"

"I didn't know if you wanted more kids."

"Kate and I have talked about hypothetical kids. I've always wanted more, just never found the right mother for them. And Kate wants them too, just wasn't planning on now. They certainly have made their presence known if this ends up being the diagnosis." He suddenly realized that Alexis might not be as happy about having siblings as Rick was. He definitely wanted kids with Kate. He'd always thought she would be an incredible mother. Hell, she already was a better mother to Alexis than Meredith had ever considered being.

"Do you want a sister or brother?"

She hesitated and he grew frightened of her response. He hadn't considered how much Alexis' life would change with siblings around. Sure, she was an adult now and at college, but she'd never truly shared Rick with anyone until Kate came into their lives and now she might be thinking about how much distraction an infant sibling(s) might cause.

"Yes" she finally said, looking him in the eyes for the first time. "I really do want siblings. I never did with any of the other women you dated. None of them really seemed like good mother material. But Kate will be an excellent mother. I hope she really is pregnant."

"Me too pumpkin, me too. Anything else is too scary to think about. It's got to be the explanation. But you know it doesn't change anything about you and me. You'll always be my firstborn, my beautiful girl. And you know that Kate loves you very much. We might be busy, especially if Dr. Baker is right about there being more than one baby, but we'll always make time for you. Besides, who else are we going to rope into babysitting for us for free?"

"I think you can afford a babysitter dad!" She was laughing, music to his ears.

"Really, you think there's a chance in hell I'll find someone that Beckett would trust to watch her children? Nope, you're probably the only one on that list."

Alexis just smiled her special smile at him, content in knowing her father would be happy with all the changes he might be facing in his life. They climbed out of the car and he put his arm around her shoulders as they started walking from the parking lot back to the hospital entrance. Despite not knowing what the future might bring him, Castle knew he could face anything with his daughter and his fiancée at his side.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I should be cleaning my house or studying my Spanish. Instead, I'm writing. And it's all your fault. So many wonderful reviews, pushing me to keep going. However, this will be the last update until my trip as I must prepare. But who can do that with Castle back tomorrow? On a depressing note, I'll only be able to see the first two episodes before my self-imposed exile. Wondering if I can buy the eps from Amazon or Google play and watch them in South America?**

**Much love especially to: ilovetoread09, torontosun, cheetahluke, karisha1, rivertam09 and everyone else who have let me know how much they like this story.**

* * *

When Rick and Alexis got back to the ICU waiting room, they found Martha reading a magazine.

"Darlings, really, you needn't have rushed back. Really Richard, we want to help with everything you know."

"I know Mother, but I'm so afraid something will happen without me here."

Martha could see how distressed he was at the thought of missing something and there was no point in haranguing him over it. She knew his disquiet didn't spring from a distrust of them, rather from his deep love of Kate and needing to try and protect her from anything he could.

"Have you seen any of the doctors?" he asked.

"No, but Lanie and Jim are in there now. She was still sleeping last I saw but that was about half an hour ago."

"Ok, I'm going back there. Alexis, are you staying here?"

"Yeah Dad, I'll keep Grams company for a while."

Rick turned and went through the doors to the ICU. The unit was set up in a u shape, with all the little rooms surrounding a central nursing station. Each room had glass doors that could be closed, but allowed the nurses to see in the room. Rick hadn't paid much attention to the other rooms previously, too caught up in his own misery. Now that his anxiety over Kate was much lower, he was able to take in more details of the rest of the unit. He could see other patients on ventilators, some with visitors and some tragically alone. One room had far more than the mandated 2 visitors. However, they were all sobbing and he could see the monitor that showed the vitals of the patient in that room was completely black. He was suddenly aware of the scale of human tragedy and triumph that played out on a daily basis in an ICU. It was gut-wrenching and he was even more thankful that his own part in it seemed to be ending on a happy note. They weren't completely in the clear but seeing her this morning responding to him had made him very hopeful.

He saw Lanie and Jim talking to Amanda in Kate's room. Kate still appeared to be asleep; some more of his anxiety over leaving her, albeit briefly, dropped away. He entered her room in time to hear Amanda giving Jim a quick run-down on Kate's current status. She noticed him standing behind her and quickly recapped things for him.

"Hi Mr. Castle. I was just telling Mr. Beckett and Dr. Parish how well Kate is doing this afternoon. Her sodium level has come back up to normal. Urine output is much better and her urine is slowly clearing, as you can see in the bag there." Rick noticed that Kate's urine did look less like coke and more like a light tea color.

"She's been sleeping since you left, but she's not having any increased work of breathing or stridor. We're hopeful that the throat swelling is much improved. She'll keep the NG tube in until we see if she's able to tolerate food. We don't want her puking a lot more; that might set her throat back. She's only needed the one dose of the morphine. Once she wakes up again we'll have a better idea of her pain requirements."

Rick nodded. Everything seemed like good news. "What are the next steps?"

"Well, I think Dr. Baker will probably move her to a regular ward bed if her mental status is ok once she wakes up."

Rick gave a quick prayer. To have been on death's door just yesterday and now they were discussing Kate leaving the ICU. It was incredible how well she'd bounced back. Thank god she'd been so healthy going into the illness.

Amanda left the room shortly after this and Jim and Lanie both decided to go out to the waiting room for a break, leaving Rick alone with Kate once again. He sat down in the chair near her right hand and took it in his own. He lowered her bedrail and bent his head over her hand cradled in his. Tears flowed again as he took the time to thank whatever power had protected her and allowed them more time together.

Lost in his emotions, he didn't initially notice her hand twitch in his. A raspy voice finally broke through his sobbing.

"Rick."

He looked up and saw her green eyes locked on his. She looked confused and concerned. He reached up and caressed her face, stroking her cheeks and hair.

"Yes baby. I'm here."

"Why are you crying?" Her voice was definitely stronger.

"Because I almost lost you. Because I didn't lose you. Because you're going to be ok. Oh Kate, I love you so much." He still had tears dripping down his face, but he didn't really care at that moment.

"What happened?"

He could tell she didn't remember anything from the morning, so he gave her a quick rundown again as to how they'd ended up where they were. She seemed to understand, though was clearly surprised about the NG tube and the bladder catheter.

"How's your throat? You sound much better."

"Hurts. Feels like a knife in there. Can I have some water?"

"I'll have to ask Amanda, your nurse. Let me call her in here."

Nodding her acquiescence, Kate closed her eyes again while she waited for the nurse. Rick pushed the call button and shortly afterwards Amanda re-entered the room. Kate opened her eyes when she heard Rick speaking to Amanda but didn't say anything. It hurt too much.

"I have to grab Dr. Baker now that she's awake again. She still has orders to be NPO except for ice chips until he gets to re-evaluate her. Let me page him and you can give her some ice chips like earlier."

Rick looked at Kate and told her he would go grab the cup and ice. Amanda asked Kate if she wanted any pain meds but she shook her head no. She just wanted something wet in her mouth.

When Rick returned, he carefully fed her a few chips at a time. He knew she was mad that he wouldn't give her more, but he was not about to circumvent doctor's orders.

"More" she croaked.

"No Kate. Dr. Baker will be here soon and if he agrees you'll have some clear liquids. But not until he says so."

Kate closed her eyes frustrated. To take her mind off of water, she thought about what Rick had told her earlier. That she'd been very dehydrated. Reopening her eyes, she captured his attention again and asked "Why?"

Misunderstanding her, he launched into a spiel about obeying the doctor again. She interrupted him by clutching his hand with hers. She was so weak, but just that little movement was enough to make him silent, looking at her with a question in his eyes.

"Why am I here? What's wrong with me?"

Rick had told her _what_ had happened, but not why they thought it had happened. He set down the cup of ice to one side and moved so he held her right hand in both of his; his eyes held hers as he spoke.

"They said the vomiting can be caused by several different things. However, one of your blood tests was abnormal." She nodded, willing him to go on. "It's a blood level that is elevated in women who are pregnant."

Her eyes got huge. "Pregnant? I'm not pregnant."

Rick gave a grim smile. "Well, I hope you are, because the other causes are not things I want to think about. Like cancer."

She took in a deep breath. "This is crazy. How could I be pregnant?"

"Do we really need to have that discussion Kate?" She knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but she wasn't ready to joke about things like this.

"Kate, there's more."

More? Dear God.

"The levels of the blood test are so high they suspect if you are pregnant, there may be more than one."

Holy crap, he was right. This was…more. She remained silent for a few minutes, processing the information, trying to make sense of it all.

"When will we know?"

"They have to do a special ultrasound. They wanted you to be more stable before they tried it. I suppose when Dr. Baker comes in we can ask him."

Rick could see she wasn't ready to discuss the issue anymore, so he busied himself giving her more ice chips and adjusting her pillows as best he could. Her hair was a wild mess. The nurses had rinsed it as best they could when she was still intubated, getting the worst of the vomit out of it. It would take several shampoos to get it clean though. He felt a spasm of gratitude that she'd get that shampoo at some point; it certainly beat the alternative.

* * *

Kate dozed for the half hour it took for Dr. Baker to come to her room. He woke her and asked her several questions regarding her orientation. She was alert and answered easily, a huge relief to Castle and to the physician. After rehashing much of what Castle had told her, he decided to let her try some clear liquids. He also let them know they'd be able to do the transvaginal ultrasound that afternoon.

"Now that she's out of the most critical stage, it's time we figured out what we're dealing with. I still think a diagnosis of hyperemesis gravidarum fits best with all the information we have, but we have to be sure. Plus, there is the issue of dating the pregnancy if you are expecting."

Confused by this statement, Kate looked at Rick. He hadn't told her about the issue with the dates predicted by the hCG. Dr. Baker saw the confusion and explained the problem. Kate just stared at him.

"That makes no sense Dr. Baker. We've been apart for more than we've been together over the last 3 months. So much so that I can definitely tell you there is no way a baby could have been conceived 8 weeks ago." She was more confused than ever. "Does this mean I'm not pregnant?"

"No Ms. Beckett. It makes me more suspicious that we're actually dealing with a multiple pregnancy. That would make the levels much higher than expected. However, I must caution you that it is very possible if you were pregnant that you aren't now. Your body has been through a tremendous stress and the chances of a viable pregnancy are small after everything that happened."

Kate hadn't known how excited she was about the idea of a possible baby until she heard those words. She clutched Castle's hand a little tighter, knew by the look on his face that he felt the same.

"In the meantime, let's see how you do with some clears. Amanda is going to turn the suction off of your NG tube, but we'll keep it in place until I see how you're going to respond." The doctor left and Amanda went to go get some water for Kate to try.

"Rick. What if it was a baby?"

"Kate, we don't know yet. You're so strong. If you are pregnant, I think there's a good chance you'll carry this baby. They don't know how tough you are. But if it's not good news that doesn't mean we can't try later. I want kids with you Kate. But let's not jump ahead until we know what is going on."

He was right. She always over thought things until she had every worst case scenario running through her head. She let his presence and the conviction in his voice soothe her. He was the only one who could slow down the freight train of her thoughts when they started barreling around her head, sending her into a spiral of anxiety and panic. She sank into the comfort of his love, let him be the strong one, the one caring for her. Not a position that she'd ever allowed anyone else to assume after her mother's murder. A position that Castle alone would ever have. He was the only one she allowed access to all of her heart, to all of her fears and desires. Alone she was an outwardly strong, confident detective with a carefully guarded heart that let no one in. Alone he was equally guarded; he'd only allowed a few people in to his inner circle. But together; together they were synergy, each far exceeding together what they could do alone.

Amanda returned with some water. Cautioning her to take it easy, she handed it to Castle. He held the straw carefully to Kate's lips and she was finally able to drink. The water tasted like ambrosia. It felt so soothing on her throat. Rick let her drink about half of it before he took it away, grinning at her.

"Slowly Kate. There's plenty more out there."

She pouted a bit. "Tease."

"Just give yourself some time."

She was patient for about 10 minutes before giving him a pleading look and a drawn out "pleeaassee?"

He let her drink the rest of the water and was about to ask Amanda for more when he saw Kate's face change dramatically. She clutched his hand hard, turned pale and started breathing fast.

"What's wrong Kate?"

"I'm going to be sick. Rick!" She groaned his name in frustration and panic, feeling very ill suddenly.

Rick yelled for Amanda, not wanting to let go of Kate's hand. Amanda ran in, not having been far. As soon as she saw Kate's face she knew she was about to be sick. She grabbed an emesis basin for Rick to hold for Kate and helped her turn sideways. As the little water she'd drunk came up, Amanda flipped the NG back to suction to help empty Kate's stomach as quickly as possible. Making sure that Rick was helping Kate, Amanda left the room to page Dr. Baker for further instructions.

Kate's dry heaving slowly stopped. Rick felt useless as he stroked her hair. He'd never seen her so vulnerable. He wished there was something he could do to make it all better. He got her settled back on the pillows once she seemed over the vomiting. Her eyes were closed as she fought off the waves of dizziness that had come with the nausea.

"Better?" he asked quietly.

She nodded, afraid to say anything, afraid of what would happen if she opened her mouth. She needed his touch, needed his strength. Her hand made a spasm towards the edge of the bed, seeking his. Feeling him grab it and provide the anchor she wanted helped beat the nausea back some more.

Some minutes later she felt it was safe to open her eyes again. She found Rick still holding her hand, watching her with undisguised concern in his deep blue eyes.

" 's ok" she managed, her voice noticeably raspier. "Don't leave me." She couldn't tell him in words how much she needed him right now. He was her solid ground in a sea of quicksand. Yet she didn't need to verbalize it; he could see everything she wanted to say in her eyes.

"I won't Kate, I won't. I'm not going anywhere. Get some rest. I'll be here."

She closed her eyes again, using his hands as the buffer against the waves of nausea.

* * *

Amanda returned while Kate was sleeping.

"Dr. Baker ordered an anti-nausea medicine called ondansetron. It's IV, so I'll give it to her now and once she wakes up she may be able to try some clears again."

Rick nodded; he wasn't sure he wanted to try again soon given how violent her vomiting had been. It had shaken him, watching her lose control over her body so completely. It gave him an idea of what she'd been through alone in their townhome and he found himself giving thanks once again that he and Alexis had found her in time.

Martha and Alexis came in soon after and convinced him to go out to the waiting room for a bit. He didn't want to leave but knew they needed time with Kate as well. Lanie had bought him a sandwich, so he ate with her and Jim. She told him how Espo and Ryan had been calling, concerned but unable to leave New York. Jenny had called a few times as well. Rick hadn't checked his phone for hours; it was set on silent so not to disturb Kate. He flipped it on and discovered multiple messages from Kate's work, most of them from Agent Murray. Other messages from Paula and Gina were interspersed with some from Captain Gates and the boys. He smiled to himself. Kate may have left the NYPD, but they still had her back even several hundred miles away. He made his first call.

"Agent Murray." She was all business today, the epitome of an agent.

"Hi, it's Rick Castle. Sorry I took a while to call back."

"How is she?"

"Better. She's off the ventilator and her sodium levels are normal. She's awake at times and there doesn't seem to be any brain damage."

"Oh, thank god. Do they know what happened?"

Rick still wasn't sure of course and knew Kate wouldn't want any wild speculation running around her new job. "Not yet, they're still doing tests."

"Ok. Well, call me if you need anything. I'll let the bosses know that she's doing better. I hope that it's ok that I told them this morning that she was in the hospital."

"That's fine, and thank you for all you did for us yesterday. We really appreciate it."

After hanging up with Murray, he made some quick calls to Paula and Gina. The same brief explanation seemed to work on both of them. Alexis then returned to the waiting room to tell him that Dr. Baker was waiting for him. Castle jumped up and moved quickly back to Kate's room before his daughter even finished her sentence.

* * *

Kate was still sleeping to his great relief. Dr. Baker kept his voice low so as not to disturb her.

"I've started her on an antiemetic, an anti-nausea medicine called ondansetron. It comes in IV and enteral forms, so for now we'll use IV. The NG is back to suction, but if she wakes and wants to try again we'll turn it off and give her some clears again. We'll need to watch her a bit longer here, though I think we'll be able to move her to a regular bed tonight if she's stable. We'll have them do he ultrasound here; it's not ideal, but at this point we need to know what we're dealing with."

Rick nodded his agreement; they all need to know what is going on. The not knowing for sure is difficult and eating away at the periphery of his thoughts. He just wanted Kate to get better, but without knowing what was causing the problem it was hard to know if she would ever improve. What if it was cancer?

* * *

Several hours passed as Kate continued to sleep. Rick remained with her as the others rotated in and out. In the late afternoon, the ultrasound tech came in the room with her equipment. Rick had to wake Kate.

"Sweetheart, you need to wake up now."

Her eyes slowly opened and locked on to his. He put all of his love and reassurance into his look at her.

"Sorry, but they're here to do the ultrasound."

The tech took over. "Hello Ms. Beckett. They've asked me to take a look and hopefully get a diagnosis for you. I believe Dr. Baker explained it all?" Seeing their nods, she continued. "Well, I need everyone to step outside for about 30 minutes then. Once we're finished, you can come back in."

Alexis was currently in the room with them and didn't need any encouragement to leave. However, when Rick stood to go with her Kate suddenly grabbed his arm and said "NO!"

"Kate, sweetie. I need to step out for a few minutes. You heard her, it won't be long."

"No. You're staying here."

Rick looked at the tech, eyebrows raised in question.

"Ms. Beckett, this type of ultrasound is quite invasive and not very comfortable, though I'll do my best to minimize any pain. Are you sure you want him here?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He's my fiancé; he's seen me naked before."

"Ok, if you want him here he can stay."

Rick wasn't sure he wanted to stay, but if Kate needed him then he would support her. He watched as the tech got everything ready. He gulped a bit when he saw all how it all worked and gave thanks he wasn't a woman.

"Rick, hold my hand." She was nervous about what was about to happen and needed him to carry her a bit through this. "Please, just look at me."

"Always."

"Ok, we're ready." The tech had pulled the curtain of the room so no one in the ICU could look in while they were doing the procedure. Amanda had placed a sign on the door warning any visitors not to come in. She was ready to give Kate more pain meds if needed.

Rick knew they had started by the sudden gasp of pain from Kate and the incredible vise like grip she had his hands in. Involuntarily, he glanced down to the foot of the bed but the tech had positioned some sheets over Kate's abdomen and her splayed legs. Thank goodness. His eyes then went to the screen of the ultrasound. It looked like a bunch of static on a black and white TV.

The exam took about 15 minutes; Rick thought he might lose his hands permanently as he wasn't sure any blood was getting past the area where Kate was gripping them. However, the tech seemed pleased with the results. After withdrawing the wand and helping Amanda clean Kate up a bit, she told them she needed to upload the imaging and speak with the radiologist quickly. She left everything else in place in case they needed more pictures.

"Well, that sucked." Kate said, face still tense. She'd let go of his hands quite so tightly, but still clutched them.

"Yeah, I was just thinking how happy I was not to be a woman." He said it to make her laugh a bit and it worked.

"Yeah, I don't think you could handle it Castle."

"I'm fairly certain you're right Beckett." God, they almost sounded normal there. Back to being them. With everything that had happened in the past days, even weeks, that exchange gave him even more hope. They were still _them_ and would face whatever _this_ was together.

The technician came back in a few minutes later. She smiled at them and asked them to wait while she completed some work on the machine. Rick didn't pay too much attention to her, focused on Kate and trying to get her to relax after the uncomfortable procedure. She was finally smiling again, until the tech spoke once again.

"Well, congratulations are in order. I just spoke with the radiologist, Dr. Williams. He confirmed my findings. You are pregnant. With twins. And they are about 7 weeks gestation." Turning on the video she showed them their heartbeats; both seemed to be doing well and were still viable. She then handed them the sonogram pictures that she'd printed, then wheeled out the machine as they both simply stared at the two little sacs visible on the picture. Rick was completely overwhelmed by emotion. Thankful it wasn't cancer, grateful they now knew why she was puking so much. Love for Kate and their babies. He was startled out of his reverie when Kate suddenly smacked him hard in the chest.

"What was that for?" he exclaimed.

"God Castle. Not only did you get me pregnant, you just had to outdo yourself, didn't you. Twins! What were you thinking?"

**A/N: In 24 hours I'll be watching the Castle season premiere. OMG, OMG. I love Castle Mondays!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok, I'm now safely in South America, with a kick ass view from my apartment of the Pacific Ocean. I'm writing from my laptop in the dining room, watching crazy people surfing in what I consider freezing temps. Who wouldn't be inspired by all this? So, here is the long awaited update. Thanks for hanging in there and for all the encouragement to get it done.**

* * *

It took a second for Rick to understand that she was teasing him. Then he looked in her eyes and all the love for him and the lives they'd created was pouring out of those beautiful hazel orbs that had so long ago captured his heart and soul.

He reached for her at the same time she was moving to him and they embraced, all that they meant to each other and all the excitement of the news they'd just received transmitted in the tender touch of their skin.

"I love you so much" he whispered in her hair and he felt the nearly imperceptible tightening of her arms around him as she acknowledged his words and agreed with him. They were still holding each other tight when the tech left the room, smiling at how obviously in love they were.

"Are you ready for this?" Rick asked. He left unspoken the question whether she would stay in DC. He felt it was still too early for him to bring it up, though he was strongly in favor of her coming back to New York. He had learned the hard way when to push her and when to let her figure things out on her own.

"Ready? I don't know if anyone could be ready for twins. I know we'd talked about having kids, but I wasn't thinking it would be so soon. And that it'd be a two for one scenario."

"I'm never one to turn down a bargain, agent" he said with a huge grin on his face.

"Bargain for you maybe. I'll be the one twice as big as every other pregnant woman" she muttered, shooting him a glare that didn't have much of her usual strength behind it.

"You're going to be beautiful. And you'll be the best mother to these children that they could ever hope for. I've loved you for so long Kate that I didn't ever think anything could be better. But it feels like a part of my soul just expanded and now we'll have our children filling that part, right next to the part of me that belongs to you. I love you in so many ways and this is just going to add to it."

Kate simply reached for him again as tears dotted her lashes then finally spilled down her cheeks. She was scared; of the thought of pregnancy and of feeling that she wouldn't be a good mother. But no matter what happened, she knew she could face it with the man that she loved so deeply at her side.

* * *

Dr. Baker returned to the room shortly after the ultrasound tech left.

"Congratulations to you. I can now say with confidence that you're suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum."

"Can you explain that to me? And what do we do about it?" Kate felt the need to take some control of her life back and understanding her condition seemed like the best first step.

"Sure. You're probably aware that it's very common for pregnant woman in their first trimester to experience nausea and vomiting. Most people call it morning sickness, though honestly it can occur at any time." He saw the two of them nodding in agreement.

"So, basically, hyperemesis gravidarum is an extreme version of morning sickness. It's very rare, only in about 1-2% of pregnant women. It's more common in women pregnant for the first time and those with multiple gestations. It results in intractable nausea and vomiting and often causes those affected to lose over 5% of their body weight. It can result in severe electrolyte abnormalities, such as how you presented. I probably don't need to tell you how close to death you were Agent Beckett."

Kate knew in a sense, having awakened in an ICU on a ventilator with a frantic Rick at her side. However, hearing Dr. Baker state it so baldly really drove the point home even further.

"If you had been found a few hours later, maybe even an hour later, I don't think we'd be having this conversation. Not to mention it's very unlikely the pregnancy would have survived. You are one tough lady."

"You don't know the half of it" Rick added. He'd grabbed her hand when the doctor had entered and gave it an extra squeeze as he spoke. They'd been through a lot together, much of which defied explanation when he considered how close each of them had come to dying many times. Together, separate, their relationship had always been a trial by fire that had burned off any dross and left only the tempered steel of their love. It had bent at times, from forces both extrinsic and intrinsic, but it would never break.

"So, now we need to discuss treatment. First, you have lost enough weight that we are going to have to address the issue. I've consulted obstetrics; they'll have someone come see you either later today or in the morning. You're stable enough to move to a floor bed, so you'll be sent to an OB floor later today. I understand you vomited after drinking some water?" Seeing her nod and Rick's grimace, he went on. "I had Amanda give you some Zofran. Has that helped?"

"I don't feel quite as nauseous as before. But I haven't drunk anything else either."

"Well, we need to try again. Some women are able to get through this just with anti-emetics, or anti-nausea medications. That may not be enough though. Some women end up on nutrition given by the tube through your nose, whether it ends in your stomach or in your intestines. And there are some that can't do that and have to have IV nutrition provided as well. We won't know how aggressive we have to be until we challenge your tummy. The good news that I have is that this is usually something that resolves with time. There is no reason to think that by the time the second semester comes that you'll still be suffering from the nausea and vomiting and you should be able to enjoy your pregnancy without feeling quite so ill."

Rick spoke up again. "How long will she be in the hospital?"

"It depends on how she responds to treatment. If something fairly simple like the Zofran is all that she needs, it probably won't be long. If something more is needed, then it will take a bit longer. Her sodium levels are essentially normalized at this point. Now she just needs to gain weight and be able to get nutrition in, no matter what form."

Rick noticed that Kate had closed her eyes, though she still seemed to be listening. Her hand was still clasped in his and he could read both fatigue and anxiety though their connection and his intimate knowledge of her body language in general.

"Sweetheart, do you have any questions for the doctor?"

Her eyes cracked open at the sweetheart comment, as he'd intended. She shook her head no and closed them again, settling back into her pillows with a deep sigh.

"Well, then I'll leave you two alone. Good luck with everything and I'm very glad we were able to help and give you some good news. That's not something I get to do very often in my line of work."

Rick stood to shake hands with Dr. Baker. "Thank you so much for everything you've done. I can't say enough how great the care has been, from everyone involved in saving Kate's life. We are indebted."

"Just send me a picture of the beautiful babies when they're born. That's all the thanks we need."

Rick took Kate's hand again as he resumed his seat. She still had her eyes closed, but he knew she was awake and probably overthinking everything the doctor had just said.

"Kate, we'll get through this. The important thing is that you're here with me and the babies are ok."

His simple, declarative sentence was enough to break the anxious thoughts chasing through her head. He almost always knew what to say to make her feel better.

She opened her eyes for him. Only for him. "You're right" she whispered softly, squeezing his hand again.

"We have to tell the others. They've been waiting out there for a few hours and by now they've probably worked themselves into a frenzy. I'm surprised Lanie hasn't pushed her way past Amanda already." He grinned at her, so happy with the news that they would be giving everyone.

"They can't all come into my room together though, right? Not until they move me anyway."

"That's true. Do you want me to ask Amanda how long that will take?"

"No, Rick you know we're not going to be able to put them off for much longer. I'm feeling really tired again anyway. Why don't you go tell them and I'll sleep. That way when I am moved I might have some more energy to deal with them."

"Ok, but I'm going to sit here holding your hand until you fall asleep."

She smiled her big smile at him. He didn't need to stay; she felt safe in the ICU and Amanda was an excellent nurse. But with Rick at her side she couldn't imagine ever feeling safer and more secure. She closed her eyes again and this time the parade of anxiety that typically marched through her head when she was unguarded didn't appear. She quickly surrendered to a dreamland where she watched two toddlers with Rick's eyes run laughing around her legs.

* * *

When he re-entered the waiting room, he saw everyone was sitting anxiously, waiting for whatever news he brought them. He was glad to see Jim and Martha sitting near each other, lending their support to one another. They had had a rocky start at times, but had bonded over the stress of worrying about their only child. Lanie and Alexis were sitting next to each other in some other chairs. He knew Alexis considered the ME a good friend and mentor, so he was not surprised to see Lanie grab Alexis' hand when he came out to talk to them. He was just glad he had good news to share; the simple gesture of support would soon turn into an excited hug he was sure, if only he had the boys there to bet with.

"Richard, what's going on?" His mother looked fairly sick with worry.

"It's good news…great news really" he said. "She's pregnant."

Jim looked stunned. Martha let out an exclamation and brought her hand to her mouth, fighting unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. As he'd thought, Lanie and Alexis flew into a big hug, both exclaiming to each other how excited they were.

"There's more."

Those simple words froze them all.

"She's pregnant with twins." His smile was electric.

"Oh, Richard." His mother rose and enveloped him in a hug, tears now freely flowing down her face. Truth be told, he had a few that escaped as well.

Jim was still sitting in stunned silence, so Rick reached down and clasped his shoulder. The older man finally looked up at Rick's happy face.

"Twins? My Katie is going to be a mom. She'll be a great mom you know Rick."

"I know she will be Jim. She's incredible at everything."

Alexis had squealed at the news that there were two babies coming and hugged Lanie even tighter. Now she jumped up and flew into his arms.

"Oh dad, I'm so excited. I'm finally going to be a sister and Kate is going to be ok."

He drew back a bit as she finished talking.

"Kate will be ok. Eventually." The others were looking at him in confusion and concern. This wasn't coming out right, but he was still worried about her and it made things more difficult to explain.

"She has something called hyperemesis…ah."

"Hyperemesis gravidarum?" He nodded gratefully at Lanie. "That makes sense" she added.

"Yes, what Lanie said. It's why she was vomiting so much and became so sick. It's rare in pregnancy, but more common in women who are carrying more than one baby and if they've not been pregnant before."

"Is it treatable?" Jim was nothing but concerned about his daughter.

"Yes, though we don't know what she'll need to do until they challenge her more. We tried for some water before the ultrasound and she vomited it all back up. They gave her a medicine and she says she feels less nauseous, but she hasn't tried anything since then."

"What if the medicine doesn't work?" Alexis asked, brows furrowed in concern.

"Well, then she can get nutrition through the tube in her nose or an IV. But the important thing is she get some nutrition on her; she needs to replace what she lost and start gaining for the babies. Dr. Baker said it's generally limited to the first trimester." He looked to Lanie and saw she was nodding in agreement.

"She's sleeping right now, and we're supposed to meet with an obstetrician sometime today or tomorrow. They are planning to move her to a regular bed this afternoon or evening, so she's hoping to feel up to visiting with everyone once they move her."

"Richard, do you have the ultrasound pictures? I'd like to see my new grandbabies."

Castle had nearly forgotten to show them in his excitement over telling them the news. He shared the picture with them, watching with his heart full of love as they all huddled around the black and white image of two fuzzy dots that had come to mean so much to all of them. He really was a very lucky man.

* * *

Kate was moved to a private floor bed within a few hours. Castle was effusive in his thanks to Amanda and all the staff of the ICU. He was so thankful for everything they'd done for him and for Kate. He arranged with the unit manager to get gift cards for the local coffee shop for all the staff that had worked with them.

Kate's new room was on the OB floor, due to her pregnancy. After she'd been settled in, they learned that there were no restrictions on visitors, unlike the ICU. Kate had gotten a good nap in, so she asked Rick to have everyone come to her room. It was nice being able to visit with everyone at once and she happily listened to their excitement about the babies.

Around 7pm, everyone took their leave except for Rick. Kate's room was much bigger than in the ICU and there was a couch that folded out that was intended for those spending the night with their loved one. Shortly after the others had left, a new doctor entered the room. She was short, with closely cropped blond hair and a kind smile.

"Good evening. I'm Dr. Hill. I've spoken with Dr. Baker and reviewed your chart. How are you feeling?"

Kate gave a wan smile. She was starting to feel nauseous again, despite not having taken in anything since earlier in the day when the water had come back up.

"I'm tired and starting to feel sick to my stomach again" she confessed.

"I'll have them give you another dose of the Zofran; Dr. Baker felt it had helped?" Their nods confirmed her information. "I don't have a lot to add to what you already know, but we need to see if you can handle anything with the Zofran. I'll have your nurse give you the medication now and in around an hour we can try something, liquid only. It doesn't have to be water; you could do Gatorade or something like that."

After a brief examination, she left and the night nurse, Anna, came in and gave Kate the Zofran.

Castle noticed Kate was looking pretty green around the gills at this point.

"Kate, you should try to sleep for the next hour. Maybe you'll feel better with a nap."

"Rick, everything is spinning again. Could you…." she trailed off.

"What baby? What do you need?"

"One: don't call me baby. Two: could you come hold me? You make everything better."

"Of course."

He moved to one side of her bed and carefully climbed in beside her. There were many fewer things to worry about as she basically just had an IV in and her monitors. The central line and bladder catheter had been removed prior to her leaving the ICU. As he settled in behind her, he reached around to envelop her in his arms. He felt her relax against him and soon the rhythmic sounds of her breathing indicated she'd fallen asleep.

* * *

Around an hour later, Rick heard Anna enter the room. She let him know he needed to wake Kate. He didn't want to, she looked so peaceful in his arms, but he knew it was time to see if she could get some nutrition into her.

"Kate, baby, wake up." He shook her gently.

"I thought I told you no baby" she said sleepily, with her eyes still closed.

He carefully climbed out of the bed, despite her muffled whine as his warmth was abruptly replaced with the colder air of the room.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much, much better. Thanks." She smiled shyly at him, grateful he was there and was so worried about her.

"What would you like to try?"

"How about some red Gatorade?"

"One Gatorade, coming right up my love."

She rolled her eyes at him as he practically skipped out of her room. He was such a mix of child-like excitement and the strong, serious man. She loved every aspect about him, even if some of his more exuberant displays could get on her nerves at times.

He returned with a cup of red Gatorade chilled with some ice and a bendy straw. She had sat her bed up in the meantime and laughed out loud when he announced in a bad French accent "Mademoiselle, zur Gatordade."

She was feeling thirsty again, now that the nausea had let up again. She reached for the cup eagerly and the first few sips felt like heaven.

"Don't drink it all at once" he cautioned, sitting in a chair near her bed.

She knew he was right, so they sat and held hands, neither saying much. She drank in his eyes, the love shining forth and took strength from his hand. She gave him a big smile.

"Rick, I feel fine. Really." She took a few more sips.

"I haven't spoken with your job again, since we found out about the twins."

She sighed. She wasn't sure what was going to happen on that end. She wasn't entirely sure she cared anymore. But it was still her job, and it helped keep her mind busy.

"I want to find out what I'm going to need first before we talk to them again. I know I have to tell them something, and soon, but right now I just want to enjoy the moment with you and our family."

"Whatever you want Kate. I think that Agent Murray will be calling again though and I wasn't sure what you'd want me to tell her."

"Let's keep it vague for now. I like her a lot, and she was obviously a big help with this whole situation, but I don't want to put her in the awkward position of knowing stuff and having to keep it from the management."

She'd drunk over half the cup at this point and was still feeling fine. She relaxed a little more, having unconsciously been tense over the possibility of getting sick again.

Rick was relaxing more as well; he'd been pretty nervous about her drinking something and not keeping it down. So far there had been no signs of distress. He was relieved, but was now starting to worry about how this was all going to work out with her new job. She certainly couldn't return to it until she'd gained some weight back, but with her pregnancy and the fact that it was twins he was feeling anxious about her health on the job and uncertain how to approach her about it. If he pushed her the wrong way, she'd dig in and be all stubborn about it. He was going to have to play it cool, at least for a while.

Kate was finishing the Gatorade when she first felt the queasiness returning. It wasn't as bad as earlier, but it was still a very unwelcome feeling. She lay back in her bed and closed her eyes, willing her body to get with the program.

It didn't listen.

"Kate, what's wrong?"

"Rick, can you hold me again?"

"Of course." He hopped up and climbed in beside her as quickly as possible. He could see she was struggling again.

She took comfort from his strong arms once more, but while it helped, it did not resolve the increasingly urgent messages her stomach was sending to her brain. Something about Gatorade not agreeing with her.

He was speaking softly to her, nonsense words. He caressed her with his hands and kissed her head. But nothing was helping. He decided to turn her towards him so he could see her eyes, let her know he'd do anything to help.

She groaned, a pitiful and helpless sound, tried weakly to push him away. It was taking all her strength to keep from vomiting. "Rick, I'm gonna…" And suddenly she flexed uncontrollably and all the red Gatorade came back up. All over him.

Kate couldn't stop heaving, couldn't think or do anything but retch. She felt worse than when she'd puked this morning. It felt like she was trying to bring her entire stomach up and out with the liquid that had already been expelled. She faintly felt his arms holding her, but nothing else really registered as she struggled without success to regain control over her body.

After 5 minutes, she finally stopped dry heaving and was able to calm her breathing down a bit. She opened her eyes once the whirling in her head had improved and was horrified to find Rick in bed with her and covered in her red puke.

"Oh my God Rick!"

"Feeling better?"

"No, look at you. I can't believe I puked on you! And why are you still here in bed?"

"I was trying to help, and while I can't say I enjoyed being puked on, you're carrying our babies. I'll do whatever I can to help you with this, even if it is being puked on once in a while. It wasn't your fault."

"Go get Anna you silly man." She closed her eyes again, feeling the writhing in her stomach increasing.

Castle pushed the call button and Anna was soon in the room. She helped Kate get cleaned up and had Rick help Kate to a chair while she changed the bed quickly. Kate was able to keep from vomiting again, though it looked like it took some effort.

Once Kate was resettled, Rick showered and changed in the adjoining bathroom. Soon after he was back at her bedside; Kate was dozing again. Rick couldn't help but wonder what this latest round of vomiting meant for her long term care.

He didn't have long to wait, as Dr. Hill stopped by between some deliveries, having been told by Anna what had happened.

Rick woke Kate up, knowing she'd want to hear first-hand what the plan was going to be.

"Kate, I understand you didn't keep down your drink again."

"No. I was feeling fine, even partway through it, then all of a sudden I started feeling sick and nothing I did helped."

"Well, as we'd discussed earlier, nutrition is key, especially since you lost so much weight to begin with. We have to get some nutrition in to your body, but it's obvious that for now we'll have to avoid using your stomach."

"How do we do that?" Castle asked.

"Tomorrow morning I'm going to send you to radiology to have another nasal tube placed. This one will go from your nose to your jejunum, which is the third part of your small intestines. We can then feed you a special high calorie formula. Since the tube is well past your stomach, you won't be able to puke any of it up. And since it's going directly into your small intestines, you likely won't feel as nauseous with it. We'll continue the Zofran since that was helpful. And I'll leave you on IV fluids until we know you're tolerating the formula."

"And then?" Castle wanted to know where they went from here.

"And then if she tolerates it and starts gaining some weight then we send you home with the NJ tube and the formula."

"But my job" protested Kate. Rick remained quiet. He decided the doctor was a much better target for Kate's ire and there was no way she was going to be able to work with these conditions. Yes, better to let the doctor be the bearer of bad news.

"Kate, you don't understand. Even without the NJ tube you weren't going to be able to go back to work anytime soon. You've just been through a major illness, near death and are pregnant with twins. You'd be on bed rest no matter what. But you're right; you can't work with the NJ tube. The formula has to run continuously since its' being delivered to your small intestine."

"There's nothing else?" Kate knew she was sounding petty, but she couldn't imagine what she would do with herself without a job to occupy her mind. Too much time alone often led to overthinking, and that was nearly always a bad thing in her world.

"Well, there's IV nutrition. But that's also continuous, we'd have to place a permanent central line and it's hard on your liver over time. Not my first option, but it is an option if the NJ tube doesn't work. Ultimately, if nothing helps and you continue to decline, we'd have to discuss termination."

Rick and Kate both looked stunned at that. No one had ever mentioned anything of that nature.

"I can see that isn't what you want; it isn't an option I discuss casually. However, we have to work to get you better. I really think the NJ tube will be all that we have to do. But if your life is in danger, termination is an option."

Kate finally understood with clarity how serious this all was. Her job, any job, was not worth risking her children.

Dr. Hill left after answering a few more questions. Rick took one look at Kate's face and climbed into bed with her once more. He held her tight as she finally let herself succumb to the tears that had been building since she'd thrown up all over him.

"Ssshh Kate. It's going to be alright."

"How do you know? What if I can't carry them? I can't even nourish them properly."

"You're going to be fine. It's not your fault you keep puking. It's just all the hormones have your body in a tailspin. It's going to get better and you're going to be a great mother. Now, let me hold you and get some sleep."

She cried for a while longer, but his presence around her did make her feel better. She slowly drifted off to sleep, knowing he'd always be there for her. And for their children.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took a while. I've got a ton of homework, but I love my new school. And I bought the season pass on Amazon for Castle. I was able to watch the ep this morning (Tuesday). Very happy I won't miss the whole month. Thanks to A. Anzures for other suggestions. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I continue to be amazed at the level of interest in this story. Thanks so much for those of you who take the time to favorite/follow me and a million, trillion thanks for those who take the time to review. It means the world to me to know how much you all are enjoying it.**

* * *

Kate had sunk into a deep sleep after her crying spell. Rick fell asleep for a brief time as well, but was jerked into wakefulness when the night nurse, Patti, came in to assess her patient. Patti hadn't bothered him, but he was still somewhat hypervigilant as to what was happening in the room and awakened just because she'd come in.

He crawled out, careful not to disturb Kate. He asked Patti in a whispered tone how Kate was doing and was relieved to get back a good report. Stepping outside the room for a bit, he took the opportunity to call his mother.

"Richard, what good timing. We were just about to finish dinner and head back over there. How is Kate?"

"Actually mother, she's sleeping right now. We've had a rough evening. I was thinking you guys might want to stay away for tonight, let her sleep."

"Absolutely. We don't want to disturb her. But what do you mean by rough evening? Is everything alright?"

"We met the OB doctor, Dr. Hill, and she confirmed pretty much what Dr. Baker had told us. They gave Kate some more Zofran and she napped for a bit until it was time to try some more clears. She chose red Gatorade and at first everything seemed ok…." he trailed off, remembering how events had proceeded from there. He'd felt so helpless, watching her body rebel against her like that. He hadn't had anyone puke on him since Alexis was small. It wasn't a pleasant experience, but knowing how terrible Kate felt and feeling very responsible for her condition made everything worse.

"I take it the Gatorade didn't stay down?"

"You can say that again. The bed and I ended up wearing most of it."

"Oh, poor Kate. But what is going to happen if she can't keep anything down?"

"Dr. Hill said that the next step is to place a new tube that goes into her small intestines. They'll then be able to give her a formula rich in calories that she won't be able to puke up. If she gains weight with this, we'll be able to get her home."

"My goodness, that sounds positively awful. That poor girl. But I suppose it's better than vomiting everything you try to drink."

"We'll see. She was pretty upset, but she's also exhausted. She basically cried herself to sleep."

"Well Richard, you make sure you're there for her. This is your fault after all."

"Yes mother, I'm trying to do what I can. They take her down to radiology in the morning. How about I call you after she's done? I'm hoping things go a lot better tomorrow and that will help put her in a better frame of mind."

"That sounds like a plan. I'll talk with the others. You don't mind if they call you with questions, do you?"

"Of course not. Just have them call me if they want to come over earlier. I'm not sure exactly what time she'll be taken to radiology."

"Will do kiddo. Get some rest. You're gonna need it too."

"I will mother."

* * *

She woke up a few hours later. It wasn't time for more Zofran, but she insisted on trying some more water. Neither he nor Patti thought it was a great plan, but when did Kate Beckett listen when she was determined to do something?

The water came up nearly immediately and he'd spent another hour holding her as she sobbed into his shoulder. She'd finally succumbed to a deeper sleep and he was able to sleep through the night on the couch. He didn't even rouse when Patti came into the room for her routine checks and to give Kate her next dose of Zofran. Dr. Hill had decided to make it a scheduled medicine so she'd always have some on board, hoping it would ameliorate the worst of the nausea.

She was in a much better mood initially the next morning; they'd both gotten some sleep. He could tell she was nervous, but she hid it from the day nurse, whose name was Michelle. Only when they were alone did she voice any thoughts about what would happen if this didn't work. He tried to reassure her as much as possible, but since he wasn't entirely sure either it wasn't easy.

* * *

Michelle came into her room around 8:30 am and announced that radiology was ready for her. Kate was anxious. Anxious for this to be over, to get home and to start feeling better. Hospitals always put her on edge. The last time she'd been in one as a patient had been after her shooting, and wasn't that a pleasant memory to fall back to? Not even close. At that time she'd had the physical pain, sure, but also the emotional upheaval that had occurred when she'd heard Rick confessing his love to her and then her decision to keep him away while she tried to heal the broken person that she'd devolved to.

This time, she had his love and support; it certainly made things much easier in many respects to turn to him as her rock in the tossing sea. He hadn't even flinched when she'd barfed on him the night before. He said he didn't mind, that he felt guilty for making her sick, but she still felt bad about it.

She knew that he wanted to be there for her. They were engaged after all, and though they hadn't recited any wedding vows in front of a legal authority, she felt fully committed to him and knew he felt the same way. 'For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.' Well, she'd found a way to test the sickness part, that's for sure.

The biggest problem now was that she just felt so physically awful. The Zofran helped, but there were still times when waves of nausea threatened to drown her. Kate had always relied on her body; she'd trained and trained until she was a finely tuned machine. It was definitely a resource that she often took for granted. Now that strength had turned into a liability and it left her twisting in the wind when she thought about _whom_ she was; her entire sense of self was in upheaval. She felt so weak and dizzy physically. She was pregnant. With twins. She was going to be a mom. She'd been an agent, but she couldn't be one now. It was all very overwhelming and she knew when she'd faced situations not even as closely troubling as this one that she often resorted to bitchy, cutting remarks as a means of preserving a bit of dignity. She tended to become a tortoise, hiding in her shell and not letting anyone or anything inside.

Yet, now he was here in her life and she couldn't pull into her shell and exclude him. He was too important to her and honestly she'd discovered that she'd draw more strength from him than she would being alone. Her usual act was not going to work this time.

So, in the quiet minutes she had with him before Michelle brought in the wheelchair that would be her transport to radiology, she decided to for once in her life be proactive and tell him how she felt instead of making him guess.

He was sitting, as she'd asked him to earlier, behind her in bed. Gently stroking her arms, letting her lean on him without question.

"Rick?"

"Hmm?"

"You know I love you, right?" It came out sounding more desperate than she'd intended.

His arms tightened around her. "Yeah? I know Kate. Why are you asking?"

She shivered nearly imperceptibly. If he hadn't been holding her, he might have missed it.

"It's just….I feel so awful most of the time." She turned a bit so she could look in his eyes. "I feel weak and sick. And nothing is going right. I can't even drink a cup of water without barfing. I even barfed on you!"

"Kate, it's…"

"No, please, let me finish."

He stilled. He could tell she was trying to tell him something important to her and interrupting was making her more agitated.

"I feel terrible and I tend to take it out on people close to me. That's one of the reasons I wouldn't let you see me or talk to me that summer."

They both know what summer she's referring to. She'd explained her reasonings before, but he'd never understood the sick angle before. It made more sense, watching her try to fight her way back from this event. He still didn't believe it had been a justified response, but in Kate's mind he could begin to understand her motivations.

"Now I'm constantly nauseous. Even with the Zofran it feels like I'm fighting nearly every minute of the day to keep from hurling. And I feel really weak, from the dehydration and the vomiting. I just know I'm going to be snappy with you and I don't want you to think it's because I am trying to push you away. You give me strength and I've finally come to realize over the last few years that you and I together are way better than apart."

He didn't know what to say. Kate so rarely opened up this easily. Usually he had to run circles around her until out of exhaustion she'd let him in.

"I want you here by me for all of this, no matter what happens. And if there are times that I'm too sharp or too abrupt, just give me a tiny bit of space but don't leave me. Promise you won't leave me?"

The last sentence had her leaning into him and he took her in his arms, enveloping her completely.

"Kate, I'll never leave you. I know you'll say things you don't mean. Hormones do crazy things when you're pregnant, let alone what you've been through. I'm ready for whatever you or these babies throw at me. Promise."

He kissed the top of her head and cradled her, feeling her relax against him for a bit. Suddenly she shoved him away with more force than he thought she had in her and turned away from him.

"Kate, what's wro…"

She was dry heaving again. She'd managed to grab a plastic bucket that Patti had put in her bed last night after the Gatorade debacle. He held her hair out of the way and wished he could take her place for a while. He knew he couldn't do anything to really make it better, so he just rubbed her back and waited for the dry heaving to stop.

* * *

Michelle came in just a few seconds after she'd puked again. She helped her clean up a bit and helped her into the wheelchair. Kate felt completely wiped out despite a good night's sleep. She hadn't even drunk anything and was still barfing. Surely that was not a good sign.

"Michelle, can I have more medicine yet?"

"Sorry, no Kate. But after you get back it'll be time."

Great. She'd likely be puking all over radiology too.

Michelle let Rick push the wheelchair. Normally he'd have been like a little kid, whipping her all over the place in his usual over the top enthusiasm. However, knowing how nauseous she already was he was the definition of a smooth transporter.

Michelle left them in the radiology patient waiting area. They'd been introduced to a tech, who told them she'd have the doctor out in a few minutes for them to sign some paperwork. They were the only ones in the little cubby area at the moment, so Rick sat in a chair near where he'd parked her and held her hand while she struggled to keep her stomach contents to herself.

About 5 minutes passed, though it seemed like forever when you felt like you were going to puke and you had no idea what was about to happen. She'd had the NG placed when she was unconscious. This seemed to be an entirely different kettle of fish…..damn, why would she ever think of fish?

"Rick!"

The desperation in her voice made him instantly aware of what she needed. Michelle had put an empty plastic bowl in a bag on the back of the wheelchair. He grabbed it and handed it to her just in time. So soon after the last episode, she really didn't have much to bring up. He sat feeling useless.

She was still hunched over the bowl trying to catch her breath and force her stomach into line when the doctor came out.

"Oh my. Not feeling well are we?"

Rick felt like hitting him. The words were forcefully jolly and not at all what Kate would want to hear right now.

"Well, no or I guess we wouldn't need your services now, would we?" He was a bit more snarky than he would have been under better services.

The doctor seemed to realize his mistake and immediately tried a different tactic.

"I'm Dr. Wildreth. Sorry about the comment, but you have to realize that we have to snake a tube from her nose to her intestines. If she's actively puking, it's not going to happen."

Rick hadn't known that since this was the first time meeting with the radiologist, but he decided to keep that fact to himself.

"Well, she can't keep anything in her stomach and now is vomiting even without having tried anything. We were told this procedure would solve a lot of those issues."

"It will allow formula past her stomach, so she'll get nutrition, but it won't stop the nausea and vomiting I'm afraid. The tube is so far past the end of the stomach, or pylorus, that she'll be able to hang on to the formula. The issue is going to be how we get it in her."

"What's the normal procedure for this? Surely she's not the first patient you've had that is sick to their stomach?"

"No. But we'll certainly have to sedate her more deeply. I'll have the anesthesiologist come talk to you too."

Kate had finally regained some control over her traitorous body and was sitting more upright. She had her eyes closed, fighting to maintain the ground she'd gained. At the mention of sedation, she cracked her eyes open a bit.

"Sedation? Will that hurt my babies?"

"No, they use a medicine that's safe in pregnancy. You'll need to talk more in depth with Dr. Maricon, the anesthesiologist. However, I do need to talk to you about how we do this procedure. Basically we take out the tube you've got now and replace it with a much longer one. It's a bit thinner and more flexible; most people think it's more comfortable. We'll tape it to your face in a similar fashion and the nurses will show you how to retape it periodically as the tape will lose it's grip after a few days. It will be marked in the place we want it so you know it hasn't moved in or out too far."

"Will it have to be replaced periodically?" Rick couldn't imagine just leaving something sitting in her nose for an unknown period of time.

"No, as long as it stays in place. With forceful vomiting, sometimes you can get it pulled up and out by accident, but it will be obvious if it gets dislodged because you'll see formula in the vomit. If it's in the right place, no formula should be coming up."

"How long can it stay in?" This was Kate's big question. She was praying her nausea would resolve as they'd been told it probably would, but with her luck she'd still be puking the day she delivered.

"Your entire pregnancy if needed. Though that's pretty rare. Now, I have to discuss there is some slight risk to the fetuses. To make sure we're going to the right place, we have to take pictures, x-rays if you will, during the placement. This means using fluoroscopy, which is basically continuous x-rays. The radiation is obviously a risk." He could see the protests coming; patients always wanted to interrupt him at this point, before he'd had a chance to explain how they protected the baby, or in this case the babies. He could understand the fear; he was a father himself. But medicine is a series of balancing risk and benefit and in this case, the benefit would clearly outweigh the risk. "Before you say anything, we take every precaution we can to protect the babies. There will be lead shielding over them and we use the fluoroscope as little as possible. That's why it will be even more advantageous to having you sedated; you'll be more relaxed and we should be able to do the whole thing with very few shots from the machine. It won't be a lot more radiation than getting a chest x-ray and you've had a few of those already due to being on the ventilator."

Kate looked startled, turning to look at Rick. She could see he realized what the radiologist was saying.

"I'd forgotten about that," he said as he looked at her. "They did a few, and they always put some lead drape over your belly. They said it was standard practice."

"Yes, and they didn't know for sure you were pregnant, but the protection is used anyway. We know for sure now, and take even more cautions. It really is a safe and a necessary procedure."

Rick squeezed Kate's fingers. The doctor was right. She had to have it, and since they were aware of the babies they would take steps to protect them.

* * *

Kate signed the consents for both the procedure and the anesthesia. She felt better after having met Dr. Maricon. She was very nice and made sure Kate understood the whole process. She felt more in control knowing things; while it didn't change how it happened, it made her feel better. She was actually looking forward to the sedation. Once she was asleep, she wouldn't feel nauseated for a while. It was almost worth the whole process to know she'd go a few hours without trying to separate her stomach lining from the rest of her body.

They wheeled her back after she gave Rick a kiss goodbye. He whispered he'd be waiting for her and then she was whisked away. They took her to a room with a lot of large equipment in it. Dr. Maricon was waiting and after the techs had helped her up on the table, she was given some medication IV. As promised, she felt oblivion rushing upon her very quickly. She embraced it and remembered nothing beyond that.

* * *

Rick remained where he was. He tried to call his mother, but couldn't get a signal. He supposed all the shielding in the rooms surrounding him kept cell signals from penetrating. He waited around 8 minutes and was thinking about getting up and searching for a window to help find some bars for his cell when he saw Dr. Wildreth walking towards him. The sight set off a mild panic attack.

"What's wrong? Is she ok? Are the babies ok?" He couldn't imagine what was going on but nothing on the doctor's face made him look concerned.

"Everything's fine. We're all done. She'll go back to her room after she's cleared from the recovery area.

"Already done? Wow that was fast!"

"It went very smoothly. We had to use very minimal imaging, so the radiation risk is really small. She's still sleeping and likely will be for hours."

"Can I see her now?"

"Yes, I'll have someone take you to the recovery room."

* * *

She looked so much more peaceful while asleep. And she stayed that way during the transport back to her room and the transfer of her off the gurney to the bed. Rick made sure her pillows were placed just right before he opened his phone. He found several texts from the others, mostly asking how she was doing.

Michelle came back in; she'd only been out of the room for about 10 minutes. She had a bag of a milky fluid in one hand and a syringe of medicine in the other.

"This is the formula. We're going to start running it at a fairly slow rate and increase it as she tolerates it. I've got her next dose of the Zofran here too."

It was now almost 10 a.m. He stepped out in the hall again, trying to keep from disturbing her, and called his mother.

"Good morning Richard. How's Kate?"

"She's sleeping. They had to sedate her for the new tube. But it went well and they've just started the formula."

"Oh, that's wonderful. You know, Jim is dying to get over there."

"He can come anytime. We're resettled in her room. But mother, just let everyone know she's still vomiting a lot, even with nothing in her tummy. She hates being vulnerable, so you can only imagine how she's taking this."

"Yes, not well I'm sure."

"That's not the half of it."

"Hang in there kiddo."

"I just feel so badly for her. I wish there was something more I could do."

"Richard, just being there, with her, is what she needs. She knows you can't take away the physical discomfort, but you can help with the mental challenges. Believe me, that is a help."

Sometimes he wished he could know more about what his mother had gone through as a single, pregnant woman in an age when women were actively shunned for having extramarital sex, let alone a baby. She must have been so strong to make it through something like that and so alone at the time.

"Thanks mother. Thanks for everything." They both knew he meant more than her advice.

* * *

Jim showed up first. He had the extra car and hadn't wanted to wait for everyone to be ready to come over. Kate was still sleeping when he got there. Rick took the opportunity to hop in the shower and get clean while Jim sat with her.

Feeling much better, he reentered the room and decided to stretch out on the couch for a bit. The chairs got a bit uncomfortable after a while. Jim was sitting in the one nearest Kate anyway.

He had a text from Alexis when he checked his phone. '_Planning on getting some lunch first, then will be over. Will bring you and Jim sandwiches. Do you think Kate would want anything?_'

He smiled at her thoughtfulness. She was such a great daughter. '_Nothing for Kate. And make sure whatever you bring me doesn't have a strong smell to it._'

He didn't know if something like garlic or onions would make her feel worse, but he didn't want to find out either.

Dr. Hill came in just then, interrupting any further reflections on his wonderful daughter. He briefly introduced Jim to the OB before the doctor busied herself reviewing Kate's chart.

"How is she doing?" She was asking him about the night, any concerns he might have.

"She's still sleeping from the anesthesia. Dr. Maricon told me that was normal?"

He wanted to make sure everyone thought so.

"Yes, for what they did. It's ok for her to sleep. Michelle told me she had several more episodes of vomiting despite being NPO."

"NPO?" Jim didn't understand.

"Sorry, that means she'd had nothing to eat or drink."

"Yes, she mostly dry heaved. It was just before she was able to have more Zofran, so do you think that was the explanation? And she was nervous about the procedure."

"Probably a combination of nerves and needing the medicine. I'm hopeful that once her body starts getting good nutrition, which is what the formula gives her, that things will calm down considerably."

"Michelle started the formula right after we got back."

"Right. At the moment, it's running fairly slowly. However, as the day goes on and if she's doing ok, we'll keep ramping it up until we get to the rate that we want. We'll turn down the rate of the IV fluids as we turn up the formula and eventually all she'll be on is the formula."

"So, if all goes well," he took a moment to close his eyes and pray that it would "how fast could she be ready for discharge?"

"I'd say the best case scenario would be two to three days. It's all dependent on how well she tolerates the formula and gets some strength back. And I'd like to see some weight gain."

Dr. Hill then did a brief exam; Kate slumbered through it all. Rick was glad she was sleeping. He was sure if she'd been awake she would have been anxious about the formula and nervous about what Dr. Hill had told him. Nerves and nausea were not a good combination.

* * *

Two hours later she slept on. The women had arrived, bearing lunch bags for him and Jim. They'd eaten in the cafeteria so any smell wouldn't permeate her room, just in case. It gave the women a chance to sit in her room with her and watch over her for a while.

When he got back to her room, he made sure he brushed his teeth first. Michelle had spotted him in the hallway and told him Kate was still sleeping and that she'd turned up the rate of the formula infusion already as everything was going smoothly.

He took the seat closest to Kate, sure she was going to wake up soon. The other four drug some chairs around an empty bedside table and decided to play cards, carefully being quiet so not to disturb Kate. It was nice seeing the bond developing so strongly around Jim and the others. He hadn't spent a lot of time with Martha and Alexis and barely knew Lanie, but in just a few short days they'd clearly grown closer over their shared love of Kate.

Thirty minutes into the card game he felt her hand stirring in his. He scooted closer and brushed some of her hair gently off her face with his other hand. She slowly opened her eyes and gave him a small smile.

"Is it all done?"

"Sweetie, it's been done. You've been sleeping from the anesthesia."

"How long?"

"Um, well it's nearly 2 pm now."

"That late, huh?"

"Yep. My Sleeping Beauty."

"Does that make you my prince?"

"No one else is allowed to be your prince."

"Mmm. I think I remember Sleeping Beauty being awakened in some other way by her prince."

He gave her a huge smile. She was definitely feeling better if she wanted to banter back and forth with him, wanted him to kiss her. He leaned down and gave her a soft kiss.

"That's better," she whispered when the kiss broke. He left his forehead resting on hers.

"I love you Katherine Beckett."

"I love you too Richard Castle."

Those few, simple words were all it took for him to know everything was going to be all right.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Today is the two week anniversary of my arrival in Peru. Having a fabulous time with some friends visiting for the week, but obviously not conducive to writing a lot. And I feel a bit guilty writing in English when I'm here to try and be much more fluent in Spanish. But I can't leave everyone hanging for too long!**

* * *

The rest of the family noticed Kate was awake when Rick scooted his chair closer to the bed and kissed her. They waited until the special moment between the couple was over before speaking.

"Katie, how are you doing?"

"Better I think Dad. We'll see how it goes. Rick says I was sleeping for hours?"

"Yes darling, but you needed to sleep. It's good for you and my new grandchildren."

Martha and Jim in turn gave her careful hugs. While they were fussing over Kate, Lanie caught Castle's eye and gestured to him that she wanted a word in private.

When he casually moved to her side, she spoke in a voice low enough to prevent the rest of the room from hearing her.

"Castle, now that I know my girl is gonna be alright, I have to get back to New York."

"I figured you'd have to leave soon. I'm so glad you could get down here and help me through all this. It would have been a lot harder without you Lanie." He gave her a quick hug to punctuate the words.

"Me too Castle. I don't know what we would have done if this hadn't turned out the way it did, but I'm just glad I could be of some help and that my girl is going to be ok. When do you think you'll be able to get her back home?"

"I don't know for sure, but I do know we'll probably have to rely on you more once we get there. I hate to be an imposition, but I'm clueless about the medical stuff."

"Richard Castle, it is no imposition. Kate is one of my best friends and so are you! I know you guys would do anything to help me, so let me do the same. Text me or call me with updates. You'd better keep me in the loop Castle!" She glared at him to drive home her point.

"I will, I will."

"Good. Now, I'd like to talk to her in private if I can. And I think some of the others are going to have to go back now that we know she's ok. Maybe we could each spend a little private time with her?"

Rick nodded slowly. He was so grateful for all the support he'd gotten from them, but now that all indications were pointing towards a recovery, he knew they'd have to get back to their busy lives. Alexis had classes, his mother had her school and Lanie had Espo (apparently) and work. He wasn't sure if Jim would stay as he didn't know what kind of caseload he had at the moment.

He was trying to decide how to get everyone out of the room for private moments with Kate when he had a fortuitous interruption. His phone started ringing, with the caller ID showing it was Paula.

He hit ignore to stave her off temporarily and broke into a lull in the conversation between Kate and the others.

"Kate, that was Paula. I probably need to talk to her, and I know Lanie wants to talk to you in private." The others were nodding; Lanie had told them at the hotel earlier she was going to have to leave tonight. "I'm going to go out to the lobby to answer her and that might give anyone who wants to spend some time with you?"

Kate nodded her affirmation, but gave him a look that told him she wanted him nearer first. He slipped past his mother on one side and leaned down over her when she kept looking at him expectantly.

"Do you need something first Kate?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I need a kiss."

He gave her a big grin, the kind only she ever saw, and gave her a loving kiss. Then, after having reassured her with the taste of love from his mouth, he left the room with everyone but Lanie following.

* * *

Kate eyed Lanie a bit nervously. She wasn't exactly sure what her friend wanted to say to her that couldn't be said in front of Rick and that insecurity made her nervous.

"Kate, I have to get back to New York. I'm leaving tonight on one of the shuttles."

"Oh, Lanie, I knew you'd have to leave sooner or later. But I'm so glad you were able to come. It made me feel better once I was aware of anything that you were here helping Castle cope with the medical stuff."

"Girl, all he had to say to get my attention was your name. The way he said it, even over the phone I knew something was very wrong."

Kate looked a little embarrassed. She hadn't meant to cause so much trouble. Lanie knew immediately what she was thinking.

"This was not your fault Kate Beckett. So stop feeling so guilty! We're all so relieved you're ok and that eventually all of this," she used a circling motion to indicate the whole room, but meant everything that was going on "will be just a bad and good memory. Bad because you were so sick. Good because you're pregnant and everything is going to work out. Just keep that in mind. I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be hard on you. You're used to being a physically strong person who hates to rely on other people. But you've been to the brink Kate. You've got a whole bunch of people that are willing to help carry you through this, and you need to lean on them a bit. Let them show you how much they love you by letting them do things for you. Do you understand me?"

Kate nodded slowly, not trusting herself to speak. She knew what Lanie was saying made sense, but it was a hard thing to accept. She had learned over the last year or so to completely rely on Rick. But he was a part of her soul, and thus she felt like he was an extension of herself. Not that she controlled him, but they were a pair, synergistic. It made things worse to try to do something hard without him. And it had taken her a long time to get to the point that she realized this. Now, to add in other people, in whatever capacity, was opening herself up more than she'd ever done. Yet, she knew how weak she was. Two or three more days in the hospital wasn't going to fix that. And contemplating twins! Once they arrived she would need more help. She looked back to Lanie, sitting next to the side of her bed.

"Lanie, you're right. It's hard for me, but I still feel very ill. I hate to say this, and I hope to God I'm wrong, but if I don't feel much better than this when they discharge me, I'm going to need a lot of help."

Lanie looked at her questioningly.

"I fight almost every second I'm awake to keep from puking. With the Zofran, I can keep it down. Without it, I'd be dry heaving. I'm dizzy when I stand and I'm weak. There's no way I could make it to the bathroom alone. Rick is wonderful, but I will need constant care unless this improves and I don't want to exhaust him before the twins arrive. He needs a break too. So, yes, to answer your question, I will do my best to let everyone in, let them help us. But I draw the line at Espo and Ryan helping me to the bathroom."

Lanie laughed, relieved her friend felt good enough to joke around and that she had some recognition of her limits and Castle's limits.

"I'm pretty sure Javi and Kevin wouldn't be volunteering for that job either. I'll talk to them all when I get back to New York. You are coming back, right?"

"I don't see any alternative. I don't want any other alternative. This DC thing wasn't going to work. Even without this complication, I could tell it wasn't for me. I'm not a quitter, so I was going to give it a chance, but it was taking everything I had to keep up and I was becoming less and less willing to give it everything. Rick and our family is more important than any job. I guess I'll be unemployed for a while." She smiled wanly.

"Well, you certainly can't work at any job right now. Just relax and give your attention to those babies. They're the most important thing in your world right now, together with Castle."

"Lanie, you always know just what to say. You're right. Keep telling me things that I need to hear, will you?"

"Girl, you know I'll never get tired of telling you what to do. Now give me a hug."

They embraced, both with some tears in their eyes as they thought about all that the other meant to them.

"I'm gonna go now, need to let someone else in. But I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Yeah Lanie, see you soon."

"And I want updates every day from you guys. You make sure that man keeps me in the loop."

"I will. I promise," she added when Lanie gave her a doubtful look.

"Ok. Take care of yourself and do what the doctors tell you. You hear me Kate Beckett?"

Kate could only laugh a bit and waved her out the door.

* * *

A few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door. Kate had her eyes closed, fighting off another wave of nausea. She uttered an acknowledgment of the knock without opening her eyes. She heard someone come in, felt the slight rush of air that announced their presence at her bedside but couldn't open her eyes for fear of driving them off with some retching.

A minute or two passed with all of her concentration centered on her body when she finally heard Alexis' voice.

"Kate? Should I get your nurse? Or dad?"

Kate raised her hand in the direction of her voice and felt the younger woman grasp it.

"No, just trying to keep from puking in front of you. Sorry, I'm not much to look at right now, but I can listen. As long as it's ok that I keep my eyes closed for a while?"

"Of course. And you know, it won't bother me a bit if you have to puke in front of me. I am a college student after all. Weekends were made for partying. And puking."

Kate chuckled. "I do remember some of that my semester in California."

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes.

"Alexis?"

"Yes?"

"Are you ok about all this? About the babies?"

"Why? Did dad say something?"

"Nooo. What do you mean?"

Silence. Kate finally opened her eyes, to see a strange look on Alexis' face. It almost looked like…guilt.

She squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Alexis, what's wrong?"

The younger girl shook her head, bowed down with the obviously strong feelings she was carrying. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

Kate was growing very apprehensive. Whatever it was that was bothering Alexis, it was clearly something hard to talk about. The apprehension did nothing but make the nausea more intense. She closed her eyes again to keep from ralphing.

After another minute of successfully keeping her stomach in place, she opened her eyes again. Alexis had tears streaming down her face, a look of concern now having replaced the guilty look that Kate thought she'd seen earlier.

"You can tell me Alexis. It's ok."

"No, it's not Kate. I'm so stupid and I hate that I ever mentioned it. I never believed it though."

"You have every right to be a little jealous. You've been the only person in your Dad's life for so long, and then I came along and you had to share. And with twins coming, you'll have….." She broke off, seeing the younger girls head shaking violently.

"It's not that. I _want_ brothers and sisters. I always have. And you've been a part of my life for a while now Kate. I've come to think of you like a mother. We've had some rough times. I blamed _you_ for the depression dad sank into that summer after you were shot, when you shut him out. I wasn't ready to let you back in to our lives. Not just for his sake, but mine too. But I finally came to realize he isn't as complete without you. For years he was just my dad, but when you're here with him, I can see he's more. It took a while for me to see that, but once I did I was fine with everything that has happened."

Kate was moved beyond words. She could feel the truth pouring forth from the younger woman and she felt even more strongly the love of the family they had created. This feeling was something that did help drive back the nausea.

"I guess I don't understand the problem then." Kate was confused by the simultaneous confession of love and the tears that seemed something else entirely.

"When you were here, in the ICU, the doctor told us that you might be pregnant, that you had levels of a hormone that indicated that."

Kate nodded, knowing that they'd been told that information while she was still comatose. She'd been told the same thing by Rick after waking up and demanding to know what was wrong with her.

"And then…" Alexis looked even more heartbroken, if possible. "And then they told us how many weeks it would indicate. We'd learned about gestation in one of my classes and I knew gestational age is all based off of LMP, last menstrual period. We had a test on all this stuff! I couldn't help but do the calculations in my head, and after I did I knew my dad hadn't been here those weeks. And I just blurted it out like that. I didn't mean it that way; I just figured there was something else going on. And I was right, there was something else throwing off the test."

"I'll say. Another baby!" Kate laughed.

Seeing Alexis was still miserable, Kate squeezed her hand again.

"Alexis, you and I both deal with data a lot more objectively than your dad. If somehow he could have been the pregnant one laying there in the bed, I probably would have done the same thing. The facts are the facts, and you addressed them. If the facts don't fit the story, then something is missing or you're looking at something the wrong way."

Alexis still looked sad, but wasn't crying anymore. Kate sighed and continued.

"Did you state outright that you thought I'd cheated on your dad?"

"No. I just asked about the dates."

"Did you ever think that I cheated on your dad?"

"NO! I've seen you two together."

"I would never do that to him. I know what happened between him and your mom and how much it upset him."

"Yeah, and he never loved her like he loves you."

"I know. He tells me things like that all the time. We're it for each other. No one else would ever hold a modicum of my interest. I don't blame you for doing math in your head. You were questioning the facts and you were right to do so. You did nothing wrong, so stop beating yourself up over it."

Alexis broke into a beautiful smile. She had grown to love Kate like a mother, so the guilt had been even more intense than it would have been for someone she didn't love as much. She stood up and leant down to give Kate a gentle hug, which Kate deepened. She was feeling much better.

"I love you Alexis. Always remember that."

"I love you too."

"Are you going back tonight with Lanie?"

"I have to. I've got classes. My friends are taking notes, but I can't get too far behind. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not. You've got a life to go lead. Know that your father and I love you and we'll always be here for you, no matter what you need."

Soon after, Alexis slipped out the door. Kate sighed, wondering who else would need to talk to her in private. She hoped not all the conversations would be this intense; she was starting to feel fatigued and her control over her body would probably start to slip.

* * *

She didn't have to wait long to find out. The next person through the door was Martha.

"Darling, how are you feeling?"

"It comes and goes Martha. Right now a little better."

"Well Katherine, you know I'll do anything I can to help you. It's been a long time since I was pregnant, and it wasn't twins, but you can imagine Richard was trouble enough for two babies."

Kate laughed. Martha could be so surprising at times, she couldn't help it.

The older woman had sat down in the same chair that Lanie and Alexis had recently occupied. She reached out for Kate's hand as well. Suddenly, she had a more serious look on her face.

"Katherine, I don't want to put my nose in anywhere it doesn't belong, so I hate to bring this up."

Kate found her apprehension returning again. She was riding a rollercoaster of emotion today and it definitely wasn't helping her nausea.

"It's just that I can't help but think you're probably missing your mom even more right now, knowing you're pregnant but can't ask her all those things you probably want to ask her. I just want you to know I'm here and while I can't replace her, I want you to be able to ask me anything you want. Especially if that big oaf of my son does something stupid. Which he does every once in a while."

Kate didn't know if she should laugh or cry. Suddenly it didn't matter when her stomach took advantage of her momentary lapse on her tight control over it. She grabbed for the plastic tub and began retching as hard as this morning. As soon as Martha realized what was happening she stood and helped support her, talking soothingly to her and stroking her back. After what seemed like forever to both of them, she finally slowed in her gagging and was able to lie back against the pillow again, eyes closed as she fought to control herself.

"Do you want me to get your nurse?"

Kate shook her head 'no'.

Martha waited, reseated in the chair. She felt so bad for Kate. Pregnancy was a challenge for anyone, but having to throw up constantly was a really bad hand in the giant poker game of life.

"Kate, I just wanted to tell you that I'm so happy you're in our lives. People so often forget to say things like that to the others that we love, until something smacks them in the face and makes them realize that we need to say it out loud."

Kate was listening but couldn't respond verbally. She simply nodded, a small, tight little nod that conveyed her understanding but that she was also still trying to control her traitorous body.

"You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to Richard. He loves you with all of his soul. I thought I'd seen him in love before, but I was completely wrong. I know you love him the same way. You two are going to make absolutely wonderful parents for these babies. And I know I'm his mother and not yours, but there are things during pregnancy that only a woman can help with. I know he'll do everything in his power to make you safe and comfortable, but I'm available whenever you need, for whatever you need. I think of you as a daughter and I hope in some small way I'll find a way to help you."

Kate was once again overwhelmed by the love that Martha had for her. Since she'd learned of the pregnancy she'd been too sick to really have a chance to think about what her own mother was missing and to worry about how she was going to get through all the coming changes without Johanna by her side. Yet Kate realized that Martha had become a maternal figure for her. Certainly not the same as Johanna had been; no one could replace that relationship. Rather, an augmentation. Even had Johanna been alive, Kate realized that Martha would still be a part of their lives (assuming she and Rick would have met) and her support would still have been there, complimenting but not replacing that of her own mother. Kate felt a tightness in her chest that she hadn't even been aware of loosen and suddenly she felt a little bit better. She was able to open her eyes at last and saw Martha looking at her with both concern and love.

"Thank you Martha. I love you too."

She didn't need to say anything else. Martha took her hand, gave it a kiss and left the room.

* * *

The door opened almost immediately and Jim slipped into the room. Kate saw him and gave him a big smile. She hadn't gotten to say much to him in private yet, so was glad to have the opportunity now.

"Hiya Dad."

"Hi Katie. How are you feeling?"

"A little better, thanks. How are you?"

"Much better now that I know you're going to be ok. You gave us all quite a scare young lady."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

He'd sat down in the chair everyone else had used and was looking at her very intently.

"I know you Katie. You're a lot like me, too much maybe. You want to lick your wounds in private and not let the world see you're hurting. But you can't do this alone. You're going to need help and I know you won't like it, but that's the simple truth."

She sighed. "You too?"

He looked at her quizzically.

"Everyone who's been in here is telling me a variation of the same thing. And you're right dad, I don't like having to ask for help. I've had to be the one supporting others and it's hard to be on the other side of that, at least for me. But I know you're all right. Rick and I can't do this totally alone. He's good at asking for help, so I'll let him lead in this. But I won't send people away. I have to be strong for the babies, and to do that I'm going to need the people I love hold me up."

Jim let out a relieved sigh. He'd been really nervous about pushing her on this issue, though he knew it had to be done. Now he just felt relief that she'd arrived at the same place everyone knew she needed to be.

"Dad, are you leaving today too?"

"I have to sweetie. I was up at the cabin this weekend relaxing before I start a big case this week. I wouldn't leave unless I felt like you are out of danger, but now that you're so much better I need to go."

"I understand. But I'll see you when I get back to New York?"

"You'd have to lock me up to keep me away."

She laughed. She was so glad she'd been able to talk to everyone, no matter how briefly. The feeling of love and support that they all gave her buoyed her up just enough that fighting off the nausea seemed easier.

"Thanks dad. Don't want to lock you up. We'll keep you busy helping prepare the loft for two babies."

He gave her an adoring look, then his face fell just a little as he thought about how much his wife was missing and how much they were missing her.

Kate knew without words what he was thinking.

"I know dad. I miss her too, beyond measure. But we have you and Martha, Lanie and Alexis to help us as well as Espo, Ryan and Jenny. We're going to be fine."

He stood and gave her a hug and a kiss.

"You take care of yourself Katie and let Rick worry about everything else."

"I will Dad. See you soon."

* * *

Michelle was the next person in the room. It was time for her Zofran dose and she also increased the rate of the formula.

"How many more increases until it's at the final rate?"

"Only three more. You're doing well with it. Once it's at goal rate, I'll be able to get rid of the IV fluids. That will help mobilize you a little bit."

"I'm still feeling pretty nauseous at times. I was dry-heaving about thirty minutes ago."

"Probably because you were due for Zofran. You may be nauseous for a while, but hopefully it will go away in a few weeks as your body adjusts to all the changes you get with twins. At least we've been able to get the formula going. You need the calories and those babies really will need them."

Rick came back in the room as Michelle was finishing up.

"What did Paula want?"

"To see how you were. I didn't tell her about the pregnancy, just that you were improving and could hopefully go home in a few days."

He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"I guess it's just you, me and the babies now. Everyone else is leaving tonight."

"I know, they told me. And they all told me in their own different ways how much they loved us and wanted to help. It was really sweet."

He nodded. He'd suspected as much when they'd all wanted to talk to her alone.

"I got a text from Agent Murray as well. She's wondering how you are. I haven't answered her yet though. What do you want me to tell her?"

"That I'm better. I don't want to tell her the rest until we've spoken to administration."

"Ok. I'm surprised they haven't called yet, wondering how long you'll be out."

"Well, when they do I'm going to tell them that I'm done."

"Really?" He was surprised.

"Rick, I didn't like it. I was going to stick it out and see if it got better, but I think this was always the way it was going to end up. I just want to go home. Besides, how are we going to rely on everyone if we're still in DC? They want to help out so badly and if we're down here alone, that would be difficult for them to do, right?"

He smiled at her logic. "Right. I can't wait to get you three back to home either. I love you Kate."

"I love you too. Now, hold my hand."

He could never deny her whatever she wanted. Especially when she wanted him.


End file.

Castle, Family, Romance