Azula Maims Twilight

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**Behold, the most amazing Anti-Twilight story featuring CrAzula ever!!! And yes, I do hate Twilight and no, I don't care if you're offended by this story. You all need to realize that screaming, whining and calling people 'fat and ugly' have no effect whatsoever.**

**GIVE ME REVIEWS AND FLAMES! They make me roflcopter!**

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ZUKO sits on his fire-throne of awesomeness, reading "Firenation Inquirer" giggling at the pictures of a very drunk Leonardo DiCaprio while munching on a bowl of delectable Lucky Charms as his crazy sister AZULA is brought before him. MAI sits looking bored whilst Ty Lee does cartwheels, breaking an expensive vase.

ZUKO: _hides his tabloid _Now Azula, I'm going to send you on a mission. A mission to destroy evil in its purest form. If you succeed, you will be released from the crazy-house.

_AZULA, too busy giving herself another haircut, doesn't listen. _

AZULA: I AM THE SUPREME RULER OF ALL HAIR-CUTS! _laughs insanely then randomly bursts into a Britney Spears song. _

ZUKO: You know, you are clearly still very unstable and this probably isn't a very good idea…OH WELL! If I was supposed to be a smart character, I wouldn't have gotten with the boring girl.

MAI: _in a bored manner _hey. That hurts my lack of feelings.

ZUKO: _ignores his boring girlfriend _Now, your mission is to travel far away to a magical land of Forks, Washington. I have heard rumors of sparkling demons. You must kill every single person in that town.

AZULA: _brandishes a pair of very sharp scissors _KILLING IS FUN!

AANG'S VOICE: _whining _guys, killing is BAD! We should defeat evil with Deux Ex Machines instead.

AZULA: SHAPPUP HIPPIE! _she throws her scissors in the direction of Aang's voice. _

_And so, AZULA embarks on a magical journey. She jumps into a Technicolor portal that will conveniently transport her to Forks. How is this possible you ask? Well, she uses one of Aang's handy Deux Ex Machinas (he's chock full of them *cough energy-bending cough*) _

_After a nice in-flight movie of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (which the princess found very similar to her own life), and a bag of honey-roasted peanuts, AZULA finds herself in the middle of the woods next to a absolutely-oh-so-gorgeous house._

_Then, suddenly, a MARY-SUE, *cough* I mean STEPHANIE MEYER *hack, cough* I mean BELLA rides into the scene on a magical sparkling unicorn that has a flowing golden mane of love, rainbows and lucky-charms_

BELLA: Like, hi. My name is Beautiful Sw- I mean Bella Swan, and I am just so clumsy. And I'm really plain too, even though , like, EVERY SINGKE FLIPPIN GUY I MEET falls totally head over heels in love with me FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER! And I'm like, totally in lurve with my twu luv Eddiekins who is a VAMPIRE who SPARKLES!

AZULA: Geez, what's with all the caps? Is this the 5th Harry Potter book or something?

BELLA: HARRY POTTER WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS ME!!!?111! I'm just soo smart and awesome and pretty and awesome and pretty and wonderful and a bunch of other big words that I don't know what they mean and can't pronounce. Don't you just wish you were me! _she giggles and her laughter is like "a chorus of a million singing angels" *gag*_

_AZULA, who has just recovered from a Mary-sue endused aneurism, aims to kill that annoying bimbo with kick-ass firebending skills. However, SMEYER *cough* BELLA, trips over absolutely nothing and falls over, resulting in her much needed death. _

_Then quite randomly, a young fairy-er, I mean 'vampire' jumps down from a nearby tree. He is covered in glitter, his shirt is unbuttoned and he looks suspiciously like he's just returned from karaoke night at the Fork's Gay Bar._

EDWERD: _in a retarded fashion _Do I dazzle you?

AZULA: WHAT THE [censored] !!!??

_The fairy prances over to AZULA and says in a beyond creepy voice._

EDWERD: I like watching you sleep.

_AZULA then punches the glittering idiot so hard that every single one of his overly described teeth fly from his 'perfectly sculpted' mouth._

EDWERD: _spies his beloved in her dead state. He collapses and lets out a cry of woe! _NUUU! My dearest cheeseburger of love! YOU!_ he points dramatically at AZULA. _How could you do such a thing!?

AZULA: _shrugs _I'm supposed to kill her, some guy named Edward and every single character in this God-forsaken town.

EDWERD: _gasps dramatically _How dare you! There cannot be a _plot _in 'Twilight'!

AZULA: That's crazy! Crazier than me even! Every story must have a plot

RANDOM VOICES: that would be us.

_The Volturi fly out of a dark, hideous cloud (because in Meyerverse, evil people are UGLY) and land before AZULA and EDWERD._

ARO_: _We're the plot.

JANE: _giggles demonically and tortures some nearby ants with her mind._

AZULA: Hmm she reminds me of someone, but I can't put my finger on it.

_Far away in his throne room of angst, ZUKO has the strangest urge to face palm. _

AZULA: You guys are the plot? You're doing a crappy job. I, on the other hand, am the most amazing 14 year old crazy villain to ever grace the fictional universe.

MARCUS: Yea, we know. _sighs_ Stupid SMEYER refuses to write about ugly people though, so we very rarely make appearances.

ARO: I'm so depressed.

AZULA: _knowingly _Oh, I know how you feel. I'm plagued by hallucinations of my 'missing' mother, banish inanimate objects, and give myself frequent haircuts with a weed-whacker. But that's what meds are for.

EDWERD: Hey! I'm the focus of the story here! There cannot be more than 4 lines without someone obsessing over my dashing good looks and Adonis-like figure! Worship me or I'll steal the engine out of your car and send my family members to kidnap you! _foams at the mouth. It should be noted that his saliva is also sparkling. _

DEMITRI: _ignoring the homosexual fairy _You have meds?

AZULA: Oh oodles.

_She pulls a ridiculously large red suitcase that has 'AZULA's speshal pills' sloppily written on the front in what appears to be blood-red sharpie. It is filled with numerous medications. The Volturi 'ohh' and 'ahh' over all the pretty-colored bottles. _

MARCUS: Where did you get them all?

AZULA: well….

---FLASHBACK---

_AZULA lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office._

AZULA: …and when I looked into the mirror, I was a beautiful milkmaid and I woke up crying, and I don't know why. But then I threw a hairbrush at the mirror, lit some nearby houses on fire, and trolled on numerous websites.

PSYCHIATRIST: _disturbed and hides behind his notepad_ well AZULA, you're a special girl, so special that we're going to put you on some special pills.

AZULA: DADDY LOVES ME!!!

---END FLASHBACK---

EDWERD: Oh, I'm so depressed now that no one is obsessing over me. I'm so angsty! _he begins to try to imitate the high vocals of Amy Lee _"These wounds won't seem to heal, the pain is much too real, there's just too much that TIME CANNOT ERASE!"_ collapses into a sparkling puddle of sobs. _I NEED SOME PROZAC!

RANDOM TWEENIE: EDWARD!!!111!! You can have mine!

AZULA: whoa, whoa, whoa, I'M the psycho here! Right plot?

_She turns to look at the Volturi, however, they have overdosed on AZULA's meds and are now in fictional character heaven. _

AZULA: oh well.

EDWERD: _swallows about 50 pills. _

AZULA: alright, listen up weenie, I am going to [censored] your [censored] in the [censored]

_The flamer 'snarls'. Using his powers of bad special effects, he flies towards AZULA who nonchalantly engulfs him in blue fire. _

EDWERD: Ouch! That burnt my glittering, perfect, special, amazing, gorgeous, beauteous, bonnie, comely, fair, exquisite, fine-looking, good-looking, better-looking, handsome, well-favored, glorious, resplendent, splendid, gorgeous, lovely, picturesque, pretty, pretty, pretty, ravishing, stunning, dazzling skin!

AZULA: _eye twitch. Then firebends the crap out of that thesaurus-abused idiot_

_Then, a WILD SNORLAX appears._

NUTTYMADAM: _in a lardy voice _You killed Edward, you wanker!

AZULA: _points wildly and fears for her life _What the hell!??

_NUTTYMADAM proceeds to sit on our crazy princess. _

NUTTYMADAM: UUUUUUUUHHHHHMAZZZZINGGG BOOOOOOOK!

_AZULA, thinking fast remembers that she has her handy harpoon on hand. She then goes whale hunting. _

_While the SNORLAX and EDWERD shrieks in agony, our favorite crazy firebender proceeds to set fire to the Cullens' oh-so-perfect house. _

_ALICE, JASPER, ROSALIE, EMMETT, CARLISLE, and ESME all are killed in the process. _

AZULA: _to the dead Cullens _PWNED BITCHES!

_AZULA, quite pleased with herself, cackles in insane laughter. Then, JACOB and the DEMON SPAWN appear and gasp in shock._

DEMON SPAWN: oh noez! Mommy and Daddy are dead! _sobs_ save me, JACOB!

JACOB: don't worry my beloved!_ they proceed to make out while AZULA vomits in a nearby bush._

AZULA: what the hell! She's like 5! I mean, I totally dig older men. Zhao and I had that thing that one time before he got asploded by the avatar, but this is totally perverted! What the hell is wrong with you people!

JACOB: Twu Luv has no age! And besides, there's no law in Forks against pedophilia. Just ask Stephanie and the Twimoms.

_AZULA, having about enough of this shit, maims everyone else in the entire "Twilight Universe" except for CHARLIE, Who she deemed had enough character to live. _

_SMEYER suddenly appears from the shadows riding on an over-used thesaurus that has wings. _

SMEYER: You killed my characters!

AZULA: _snickers EVLLY and lights the winged thesaurus on fire. It is quite happy to be released from SMEYER's fat clutches. _Buhahaha yes of course, you incompetent fool.

SMEYER: How could you!? You just don't understand my characters. _she proceeds to sob and blog obsessively _

AZULA: WTF?!

SMEYER: _to her webcam _I'm TOO SAD TO WRITE!

_AZULA decides that this place is even more batshit-insane than she could ever be. She firebends SMEYER and GTFO of there._

_---- Zuko, meanwhile, who has just finished Twilight and in the process of gouging his eyes out with a spoon , finds AZULA muttering incoherently to herself about 'sparkling idiots'._

_Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, a twelve year old girl wearing a "TEAM EDWARD" shirt flies out of the sky. _

TWITARD: YOU KILLED EDWARD!!!111!

_A massive army of screaming 7 to 14 year olds with the occasional desperate housewife who have had very poorly done botox jobs, gather around the siblings. _

DESPERATE HOUSWIVES: why can't our husbands be Edward!!!111!

TWEENIES: we're setting ourselves up for disappointment!!11!

_ZUKO pees his royal pants, and AZULA has a conniption complete with hallucinations._

AZULA: _twitching spastically _Mother…thinks…I'm……monster…

---FLASHBACK---

_In the Firenation place courtyard, a young AZULA uses her super special awesome firebending to burn some ants to a crisp. She laughs demonically. It should be noted that this flashback was animated using a crapload of pastels._

URSA: AZULA….what are you doing?

DEMON CHILD: _scoffs _Mother, I'm destroying the entire civilization of ants so that the Avatar can not be reincarnated among them as a fire, earth, water, and air-bending master

URSA: Oh my, your father's been talking to you hasn't he?

DEMON CHILD: _too busy inflicting pain on insects to respond._

URSA: Oh sink me! My only daughter is a complete psychopath at the young age of five! Where did I go wrong!? She's a monster!

DEMON CHILD: say what?!

_URSA runs off crying, leaving a very misunderstood AZULA behind._

DEMON CHILD: _sob_

---END FLASHBACK---

_Yes, it looks like the end for our favorite pair of misunderstood and angst-ridden siblings. Then, conveniently, UHIPPIFIED!AANG, APPA, KATARA, SOKKA, TOPH, ZOMBIE!ZHAO and IROH all come to the rescue. Together, they destroy every single Twitard in the world (Including Obama and every other liberal) and thus solving world hunger, terrorism, and any mental disease, meaning that AZULA is no longer crazy. _

_After this little escapade AZULA marries the zombified!ZHAO due to the lack of laws against pedophilia, IROH marries TEA, SOKKA kills his own Mary-sue girlfriend (*cough* Suki *hack, cough*), KATARA finally grows as a character, TOPH can see, APPA learns to speak English, and ZUKO stops whining for 5 minutes straight! _

_And they all live happily ever after. Except for the Twilighters and the Twilight characters, of course, who will burn in their own little corner of hell until SMEYER learns how to write a decent plot. So, we can imagine that they'll be there for awhile. _

_**FIN**_

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**_So go ahead and flame away. Oh, don't hurt yourselves now. I'm sure mummy and daddikins wouldn't wanna clean blood off your computer from your popped blood vessels. and remember kids, drugs are bad: and when I say drugs, I mean Twilight. So go ahead and flame, it fuels my soul. BUAHAHHA_**


End file.
