Castle 1. Chapter 1

**AN: I began writing this with no real story or plot-line in my head, and somehow, it ended up this way. :P **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

_**AN 2: okay, so many observant readers brought to my notice a nasty mistake i made in this fic. i totally had the timeline mixed up. I mentioned Josh in here, not realizing that Kate had already finished things with him by this time. I've tried fixing it now by adding a line in here. it's in italics, if you don't wanna read it all over again. :)  
my apologies for that stupid mistake. **_

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**Chapter 1**

It was morning.  
She thought. Wasn't sure yet. She would have to open her eyes to find out. But she didn't want to. It would be too painful.

She squinted her eyes open a little, just to catch a glimpse of the time on her bedside clock. 5 am. Why was she even awake? She closed her eyes again. And took a deep breath, willing herself to go back to sleep.

But as her lungs filled to its maximum capacity, she felt a warmth on her back, a warm plain surface. Smooth. Had Josh shaved his chest? That's weird, why would he do that. But it felt different, nice.

She snuggled closer to him and realized he had his arm around her waist. And she could feel every part of him. Every single part. They were naked. Of course, they had fallen asleep naked sometimes but Kate was never one to cuddle, much to josh's disappointment.

But for some reason, it felt good, different.

The breath on her neck was slow, warmer than usual, Kate thought to herself, maybe he wasn't well, maybe he was getting a fever or something. And then something else caught her attention, he shifted closer and his hand reached higher up her waist to hold her.

Kate would have pushed his hand away. But her headache was getting too bad, she shut her eyes tight. Everything was just so blurry and hazy in her head. She couldn't feel right. Why were josh's ministrations in his sleep making her feel so good? She must have drank too much last night. She pushed the thought away, as thinking was only making her head ache more severely.

The last thing she felt was a deep exhale against her neck, and its warmth lulled her to sleep again.

When Kate awoke again, her head ache was comparatively less. She slightly opened her eyes again, this time to find that it was 11 am. Great! She had slept through the whole morning. She closed her eyes again, why couldn't she remember anything from last night. Everything in her head was such a blur.

She concentrated on her surroundings. Josh was still in bed with her. Why? Didn't he have to be at the hospital today? And when did his chest become so... full. Was he working out or something? Kate put a hand over his, and pushed it slightly away, but she was rewarded with a mumble of words at her neck, and it made her shiver. What was going on?

She tried to turn in his hold, but he just held her tighter, not letting her move, "don't get out of bed yet".  
This has got to be some weird kind of hangover she thought. That voice, low and gruff, was way too familiar.

_and then suddenly she remembered, she was no longer with Josh. How drunk had she gotten last night? she must have drank too much, that the aftermath made her forget she had broken it off with him a long while ago. _

_Her body stiffened a bit. her eyes widened with panic. if that was not Josh, than who was it?_

"Don't go, just stay here a little longer, my head hurts" the whining of a child, yup that's what it reminded her off. Her eyes shot open at the realization of who owns a voice like that.  
She shut her eyes tight now, desperately trying to remember what had happened last night.

Flashes of images came to her head. And in all of them she could see him. They were drinking together, laughing, talking. The next scene that came to her head was him at her front door, and his face leaning into hers. And that was it.

She couldn't remember anything after that. She wanted to slap herself. What happened after that? He obviously came to drop her home, but then what?

'Well you didn't need to be a scholar to know what happened after that' she thought as she once again realized how totally naked they both still were under her covers. God, but why couldn't she remember anything. This is such a huge mistake! How did things always get so messed up!

His hold around her had loosened and so she finally turned to face him! It was true. They had just slept together, and apparently, he was still sleeping. She pushed his arm away from her body, and sat up a little, pulling the covers over her body a bit, to stay modest if he wakes up. And he did.

He stirred awake and turned on his back, starring up at the ceiling, and he winced in pain, obviously the hangover got to him too. "Ahhh, what time is it?"

Kate didn't care to respond, she was still staring at him, trying to form answers in her head. And then she watched him look around, then at his own self and then back at her, it was now that he noticed what the scene looked like, his hands wiped his face off all the drousiness he still felt, and he ran his hands through his hair.

Kate was the first to speak. "Castle did we…?"

He interrupted, "I don't know Kate, I can't remember a thing..." they sat silently for a moment.  
And then he softly said "but by the looks of it…"  
"I know" she said.  
He smiled slightly at a thought in his own head. She eyed him and said "what?"  
he shook his head "I so badly want to remember it… because I have no doubt that it was the most amazing…"  
a pillow shot at his face.  
"Castle, that's not the point."  
"Ouch... okay okay… where do you keep your aspirin, my head's killing me" he opened her bedside draw and found some and quickly consumed some.  
And when he turned back to face her, she had already put a robe around her. And he immediately regretted looking away.

"I'm going in for a shower Castle, I'm sure you can make yourself decent till then and let yourself out."  
She wasn't looking at him. And castle didn't know what to think. Was she chasing him out? They obviously shared something intimate last night and she was asking him to leave like it was some one-night stand that wasn't supposed to happen.  
Well of course it wasn't supposed to happen the way it did, but he liked to think that one day they would reach there eventually. He tried to get her attention.  
"Kate, I'm not…"

"Castle please, I really don't want to talk about this. It was all huge mistake…"

she regretted saying it the minute it left her lips. That's not what she meant.  
But she couldn't deal with this right now. Her head was fuzzy and heavy, she just disappeared into the bathroom, hoping he'd stay back to fight her even though she had just told him to leave.

Kate leaned against the door as soon as she closed it; she held her head, trying to recollect everything that happened last night. She needed to know how exactly they ended up sleeping together. They must have both been equally drunk... cause if she knew Castle at all, he wouldn't take advantage of her.  
But what led them to get into her bed together?

Part of why she needed to know was because she feared they may have said things, things they were holding back from each other all this while.

And the other part, the stronger part of it, well, was because she was sure last night would have been magical, amazing, and she so badly wanted to remember!

She calmed herself down, walked to the shower and turned the water on. She dropped her robe and stepped in under the running cool water. She closed her eyes and let the water flow down her body, and as little streams of water travelled down her skin, her mind began to flash back again.

And suddenly... she could feel the way Castle touched her... the way his hands held her, roamed her body... it was just as smooth and relaxing as the feeling of water sheathing her skin… she put her hands to the wall, and tried to remember some more… and the images were comforting, arousing, refreshing, they had kissed on the couch in the living room… one thing led to another and they had begun stripping clothes off each other… Kate touched her neck now and she could feel the way castle had softly bitten her, careful to not leave a mark, but hard enough to imprint the feeling into her memory.

She remembered the way she shivered when his lips had travelled down her collar bone… and then the location changed to her bedroom, and everything that flashed through her mind at that moment in the shower, just proved to her how amazing their night had been... even though they were drunk... the love they gave each other was real. And it made Kate blush. When she turned the shower off and entered her bedroom clad in her robe she was expecting to see Castle there, waiting for her.

but Castle was gone.

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**AN: Please review and let me know what you think? should i continue, or not?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Wow! the response I got from you guys was amazing! thank you so much! :) here's chapter 2. Don't forget to tell me what you think when you reach the end :)  
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle**

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**Chapter 2**

Everything came back to him so quickly!

The minute she walked out of the bedroom and into her bathroom, the scenes began playing over and over in his head in high definition, and it only added to his severe head ache.

He wanted to bang his head somewhere, he wanted it to stop replaying in his head, the conversation was on repeat in his head, getting louder every time. Like his head wanted him to relive the conversation they had last night in her bed in their drunken state…

They were on her couch, and he had leaned in to kiss her lips. They had been calling out to him all night, and he couldn't resist anymore. And she didn't stop him, she eagerly kissed him back, and things began to heat up… she tugged at his shirt, and they quickly got rid of it… she had moved her palms over the expanse of his broad chest while kissing him more passionately.

He had begun his mission on the buttons of her shirt, and he suddenly had a primal urge to taste that beautiful spot on her neck. He bit down softly there and she gasped, he soothed the spot with his tongue. And when he finally undid the last button on her shirt, he didn't bother to take it off her, he began nibbling and kissing at her collar bone… the taste of her creamy soft textured skin was beautiful.

He was kissing his way lower when she had stopped him… "Castle, take me to bed…"

Castle couldn't quite remember what had happened after that, but the next thing he remembered was a conversation they were having in her bed, naked under the sheets.

"Castle, what are we doing?" she panted out.  
She was sprawled out over his body, her head on his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat that was slowly coming back to its normal pace.

"We're making love Kate…"

"Castle… I need to tell you something"

"No... Hear me out first Kate."  
He ran his hand softly down her arm, and she looked up at both his eyes, they were filled with utter love and honesty. And then he continued

"Kate, that day, when you were shot, I held you in my arms and I told you I love you. I know, it was horrible timing, but I thought I was going to lose you and so I said what I'd been wanting to say to you for so long. "

"Castle…"

"no Kate let me finish. When I came to see you at the hospital, I had this hope in me, this hope that we could start our lives together. And that's exactly what I want to do Kate, I love you"

She stared at him, he was waiting for her to say something, she kissed his lips softly and said, "I know."

He didn't realize at that moment what she meant by those two simple words. He thought it was just her way of saying that she's glad she lived to hear it now, if not when she was dying. She tried to continue.  
"I heard…"  
But Castle interrupted her with a kiss and said "it's alright if you're not ready to say it yet, you don't have to, I'm not going anywhere Kate, I'm right here, I'll wait for you"

and from there on, they had made more passionate love to each other. They might have fallen asleep sometime after that because the next thing Castle remembers is waking up to her in his arms. And at that time, he had been so oblivious.

But now, here he was, sitting at his desk in his loft, and all he could think about was how stupid he had been. Kate had said "I know" and then she went on to say something like "I heard…"

Of course, she had heard him the first time he said it, she had heard him tell her he loves her when she was dying in his arms in that cemetery.

Everything made sense now; she acted like she didn't remember it because she didn't feel the same way. His fists clenched and he felt a pain in his heart. She was drunk last night, and that's the only reason she had sex with him, otherwise, Kate Beckett would never in her right mind sleep with him, she didn't have the same feelings for him that he did for her, and he felt like such an idiot now.

That's why she woke in the morning and sent him away; she had never wanted it in the first place.

He felt so stupid for telling her he loves her once again. Now his heart was out there, his feelings out in the open for her to laugh at. He felt angry at himself and at her, and he suddenly didn't even want to recollect their night of love making, it would just remind him that although it was real from his side, she was just acting under the influence of the drinks. And it made him feel sick.

He couldn't see her again. He wouldn't be able to tolerate the look of pity she'd give him. She probably hid it from him all this while because she didn't want to make him feel bad when she told him she didn't feel the same way.

His phone caught his attention, Kate was calling. He didn't answer.

The next minute his phone alerted him of an incoming message. He opened it and read "Castle, we need to talk".  
Castle almost laughed out loud at that. How many times had that line been used by people to warn their spouses or partners that a break up was near? That it was in-evitable.

He stared at the message. His blood boiling, the difference between those normal couples and them, was that they weren't even together in the first place, to break up. And cause of Kate, they'd never be.  
Castle threw his phone to the other side of the room in anger, not caring how many pieces it broke into.

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**AN: okay, so I think I know where I'm going with this story. Hang on guys, around two more chapters are in store for you.  
Please review. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks everyone :) for your great reviews and thoughts :)**

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. :(

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**Chapter 3**

Kate was seated at the edge of her bed, reading the note he left, over and over again. "I just figured it out. I know now. It was all a lie. Goodbye Kate."

Tears were rolling down her eyes, he'd put the pieces together, he realized it, and he left. She fell back on her bed, curled herself into her pillow, and sobbed.

She remembered the conversation they had last night after they had sex and how she was just about to tell him the truth about his declaration of love at the cemetery, and he had interrupted her with a kiss.

At that moment, he was so oblivious to the seriousness in her eyes, at her attempt to tell him. But when he had kissed her, she didn't want him to stop.

In her drunken state, she wanted to hold on to him. And she knew if she told him then, he would lash out, he would be angry, he would not forgive her easily for a lie like that. So she had decided at that moment to keep it a secret a little longer.

She had never for once thought that he could wake up the next morning and put the pieces together. But he did.

And now, he was hurt, she was sure he must be angry, and he was gone. Kate's pillow was already wet with tears. She reached out to her phone and hit speed dial, she needed to fix this, she needed to talk to him, she wanted him to know, that she was sorry, for lying to him, for hiding it so long, for keeping him away. They needed to talk. Soon.

She waited for him, listening to the ringing, but he cut the call. She then began to type a text 'Castle, I'm sorry, please talk to me'  
she deleted the message and typed again, 'Castle, what happened last night was…'  
she deleted it again, letting out a frustrated sigh.  
She finally typed a cliché "Castle, we need to talk" and hit send.

She got up then and got into a pair of jeans and a loose t-shirt. She needed to get some food into her stomach. She walked into her kitchen and found a mug of coffee ready for her on the counter. She smiled.  
He made her coffee before he left.

She felt so bad for asking him to leave now. She couldn't help but wonder if he thought that she regretted their night of passionate love making. She really needed to talk to him soon. She needed to tell him how much she cherished their night; how she loved the way he worshipped her body. She wanted him to know, that what they felt last night was real, every tiny bit of love she expressed to him was true. She prayed he didn't think that was a lie too.

It was afternoon now, and castle was still unreachable. She had called gates and informed her she wouldn't be coming in today. She was feeling too unwell to be at the precinct today.

She had waited all morning for a reply from Castle, or at least for him to call her back. She tried his phone again, and this time, she knew he must have switched it off. She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to see him. She quickly got dressed and walked out of her apartment, keys in hand.

Before she knew it, she was pounding at his door. She had knocked thrice now, but he had not moved to open the door. She tried once again. "Castle, I know you're in there, please, I need to talk to you." She was desperate to see him now.

Worry was beginning to fill her heart. What could he be doing in there? Was he alright?  
She was just about to push that door open, when he pulled it open himself.

She looked at him then, and she wanted to cry. He looked miserable, like a kid whose candy had been stolen, like a teenage boy who'd just been dumped.

"What do you want?" cold as ice, came his words. And she already had tears in her eyes...

"Castle, you have to understand..."

"Kate, I don't want to hear anything. Please, just leave me alone, you've said all that you needed to last night"

"no castle, please, just... let me come in... We could sit and talk this through… I swear… I need to talk this out with you, just give me a chance to explain"

she was pleading now. He stood still for a minute, deciding if he should let her in or not. He finally moved from the doorway and into his study.  
Kate took that as a sign for her to follow him in. she closed the door after entering his study, and then looked at him again, he was pouring himself a drink.

"Castle, you just woke up with a horrible hangover…"

"Don't! Don't try to tell me what's good for me and what's not. I've had enough of your false care"

"False care, Castle what are you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter; you came here to get something off your chest, now do it, and leave me alone to handle the pain. I'm not a child. I can handle my liquor"

"Castle… Rick, I made a mistake. I should have come clean to you from the start. If I had told you sooner, none of this would have happened"

"Kate, stop beating around the bush and just admit it"

"Admit what?"

"That you don't love me, that you never came close to having feeling for me! It was all a lie, a way to not make me feel embarrassed that I love you and you don't have the same feelings for me. "

Kate looked at him confused. "Castle...what are you…"

"You could never love someone like me, and so you just made me believe that you couldn't remember anything I said at the cemetery. And you thought it would help, but you know what Kate? By stringing me along that way, you only made it worse!"

"Castle... listen..."

"No! Now you listen Kate, I'm not a child okay. I can handle being rejected. You should have told me the truth. You should have been honest with me, and I wouldn't have let myself fall harder for you.

But no, you lied to me, and I thought I still had a chance, so I came back when you asked, I followed you around some more, I risked my life with you some more, and had I known I was risking my heart so badly at that time, I wouldn't have fallen for your little game."

Kate had tears rolling down her cheeks now at his outburst.

"You played me Kate, you pulled me around like I'm some kind of rag doll, how could you? And last night, what I gave you, it was all so real. I made love to you, okay, I know we were drunk, but the love i gave you was real, true, honest. And now, when I think about it, it must have been just sex to you. Just plain lust. And nothing more."

Kate was shaking her head now, trying to tell him that that was not true. But words were not forming on her lips. She had hurt him so badly!

"Because you don't love me the way I love you."

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**AN: well, what do you think? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you readers, for the amazing response! :) We have reached the final chapter. :(**

**To clear a doubt of a reviewer, the last line in the previous chapter was said by Castle.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle :(

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**Chapter 4**

Kate had now stepped forward to where castle stood. And she just crushed herself to him. Holding on tight to his body. Her arms clinging to the fabric of his shirt on his back, her cheek against his chest, tears soaking through his shirt.

"Castle... no… no… that's not true."

"Kate, you have to go…"

Castle was making no move to hold her, to touch her.

And that made Kate's body shiver with fear and pain and sorrow. She finally looked up to him, and held his face in her hands,  
"Castle, you have to listen to me…"

he was avoiding looking into her eyes. She spoke.

"Castle, I was afraid I was not good enough for you. I heard you tell me you love me, and I wanted to be with you after I came through from surgery, but I was wounded. Emotionally. I was scarred. I still had so many things going on in my life and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to be everything that you want me to be at that moment. So I decided to pretend I didn't hear you until I knew I was at a place in my mind where I wanted to be, where I knew I was good enough to be loved by you, and to love you.

And I know it was a horrible decision. But Castle, ever since that day, I've been wanting to come clean with you. I've been trying to fix myself up for you"

Castle was looking at her now, "Kate…"

"let me finish, and when I do, I will walk out of here and never hurt you this way again, I promise"

he shook his head, but she continued,

"last night, when you told me that you love me, again, I was so close to coming clean with you about this filthy secret I've been keeping… but it scared me to think that you'd hate me for lying to you, and in that moment, in my bed, with you, the last thing I wanted was for you to walk out on me. So I hid it back in it's safe, and I let you love me… but now here's the important part Rick, you have to know, none of what happened last night was a lie."

She pulled him to sit with her on the couch, and held his hand tight.

"When I kissed you last night Rick, it was a kiss of love. Everything I did last night was out of pure love for you."

She was looking into his eyes now...

"and I know it might be too late to say this now Rick, but I've been working so long on fixing myself to be good enough to give this to you, to show you, to tell you… and I need to say it even though you must be feeling the exact opposite right now… I love you Rick… I've loved you for so long and I just wish I could have said it earlier, I just wish I knew what pain I was putting you through."

She was sobbing again now..

"Castle, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I did this to you… I've been a complete fool and if I had known that this would lead us to all this, I would have been wiser. I'm sorry Rick, God! I love you so much!"

Castle pulled her into his arms, and she sobbed bitterly, "Rick, I need you in my life, I can't live without you. I've had dreams, dreams about my future, and you were a part of all of them. And I so badly want to make them come true…"

A long 2 minutes had passed until one of them finally spoke.

"Maybe it's not too late for us Kate"

she looked up at him, her eyes filled with hope, but red rimmed from the crying. He wiped her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs and continued "maybe, we can still make this work."

She nodded at him… he looked at her lips… and back at her eyes again, "it was all just a horrible mix of many misunderstandings. But it's not too late to fix us." he paused.  
"Say it again"

A small smile crept onto her lips, and she knew exactly what he wanted to hear her say. "I love you Rick"

and he kissed her softly. It was his way of saying they would still work out, he'd forgiven her, and they could be together. They would have to work through their insecurities, Castle was still a little hurt, but he could already feel his heart healing a little as they kissed. They would be alright soon. He could tell.

She pulled away and moved so that she could straddle his lap, she ran her hand through his hair and said "thank you… for being such a good man. i sometimes wonder what i did to deserve you." she paused and traced a line along the side of his face, admiring her ruggedly handsome writer. he held her hand, and kissed that sweet spot on her wrist.

"What are you thinking about Kate?"

"I want to make it up to you."

he smiled, that sweet smile that made his eyes crinkle and shine like a little kid who'd just been given a treat.

"hmmm, it'll take a lot, but you can start by refreshing my memory about last night. Now that we're sober…"

She didn't wait for him to complete his sentence, her mouth was on his, her tongue seeking entrance, hands making love to his soft hair.  
His hands had crept up her shirt to feel her warm skin…

She pressed herself to him, body language for: "I'm all yours, now don't waste a single minute... have your way with me already!"

And as the afternoon sun shone bright in the sky, the Castle loft was soon filled with sounds of pleasure from a love-sick couple that just couldn't get enough of one another.  
Make-up sex? Anger-sex? Call it whatever you want! One thing's for sure, they were creating LOVE.

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**AN: so that's the end of this fanfiction :) did you like it? :) was it interesting to read? :) please tell me what you think of it in a review. :)**


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Castle, Angst, Hurt-Comfort