Harry Potter Twelve Days of Chaos

_**A/N: **_Hello, lovelies! This was written for the RS-Small-Gifts on LJ for epithalamium. Her prompt was: Sirius is not able to spend Christmas in the castle with Remus, be he makes sure he's there in spirit a la Twelve Days of Christmas (the more bizarre the gifts, the better). Well, this has 'bizarre' in folds. I hope anyone who braves it enjoys the read! Also, any weird i's or b's you see are from the HTML codes I used. I tried to remove them, but I'm sure I missed a few. Sorry! And a large thanks to illittorate for the fantastic beta job!

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><p><em><strong>Twelve Days of Chaos<strong>_

_**Day Zero**_

"I don't want to go," Sirius whinged into the fabric of Remus' shirt collar. "You can't make me."

James rolled his eyes and provided Sirius' arm with a sharp tug. "Stop that, Sirius, and come on. We'll miss the train if you don't."

"Good," Sirius said stubbornly. "Means we'll get to stay here."

"You can't stay here, Pads," James said wearily. "You've already promised Mum you were coming. And she's worried about you, besides. Says you need a proper Christmas after sixteen with your family."

Sirius' nose twisted in distaste at the mention of the Blacks and he pressed his face closer to Remus. James glanced at his werewolf friend with a look of exasperation and Remus sighed, gently pushing Sirius away enough so that he could see the boy's grey eyes.

"Sirius, love, you need to go with James before the train leaves," he insisted.

Sirius pouted. "I don't want to leave you here alone."

"I'll be all right," Remus said, offering a small smile. "You lot can write, and it's only two weeks."

"Long time," Sirius mumbled.

"Not so very," Remus assured. "Go to the Potters' and have a good time. You'll see, the holiday will be over before you know it and you'll be back."

Sirius frowned, the lines in his face forming deeply. "Doubt it," he denied mulishly and Remus huffed in frustration.

"Sirius, you're acting like a child," Remus accused.

"A Firstie that doesn't want to leave his mummy," James agreed, sticking his tongue out when Sirius glared.

The sulking boy turned back to Remus and began to pick at a loose thread in his trouser leg. "I'm not trying to," Sirius muttered. "It's just…I'll miss you, Rem, and I'll worry. It'd be better if I knew you were at least going to your parents, but since they're away for their anniversary…"

Remus smiled and cupped a hand around Sirius' cheek, pulling him in for a soft kiss. "I'll be fine," he promised when they parted. "If I get lonely, I'll see if McGonagall will let me Floo you."

Sirius studied him unsurely for a moment, James twitching behind him. "Sirius, I know you don't want to leave, but Pete's already abandoned us for the train. And you know when Wormtail's in a hurry, we're approaching critical territory."

Sirius heaved a sigh and stood. He grabbed his trunk and headed to the door, turning and sending Remus one last doleful glance before walking through it and down the spiraling stairs.

James walked over and clapped Remus on the back. "Have a good Christmas, Moony," he murmured. He paused for a moment before saying, "You know you're more than welcome to come to mine. I know the Full's right after Christmas, but that doesn't mean you couldn't come for a few days."

Remus smiled again. "Thanks, Prongs, but I'll be all right."

James' brow furrowed briefly in concern, and his mouth twitched as though he was going to say something more. A moment later, however, he too had grabbed his trunk and walked from the room. Remus listened as his footsteps grew softer the further away he became before leaning back against his pillows. He watched out the window until the winter light trickled away and he eventually fell asleep.

The following day, the owls began to arrive.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day One<strong>_

Midway through the afternoon, Remus received a letter. The envelope it was in was thicker than it should have been, and Remus had to admit that he was curious. Setting his book aside, he opened the letter to see what it contained.

_Moony!_

_Has it really only been less than a day? Feels like a bloody lifetime to me. You really should consider taking Prongsie up on his offer. I miss yooooou, my darling apple tart! _

_The Potters are wonderful, just like always. I hope you're getting on all right._

_So, last night when we arrived, Mrs. P was going round the house, throwing up decorations. Garland, ornaments, those little baubles that I always want to play with and no one ever lets me, and tinsel – you know how I like tinsel. It's always so colourful and shiny._

_Digressing, I know! You don't have to roll your eyes like that, Moons. The point I was trying to make was that while she was doing this, she was singing this Muggle song about Christmas. Twelve days, to be exact. Do you know it? Of course you do. You know everything. _

_It sounded nice, so I asked her to teach me the words. Turns out, I can find inspiration from all sorts of places. And don't look like that. This is a good thing._

_So, Moony, I present you with my own (rather ingenious, if I may say so myself) version of the Twelve Days of Christmas!_

_Oh, on the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…_

_Look in the envelope, Moony!_

Remus paused in his reading and did as he'd been told. Turning the envelope upside down, he shook it slightly until what was inside fell free and dropped to his bed lightly. Remus tentatively picked up the sparkling blue silk fabric and studied it for a long moment, wondering if it truly was what he thought, before returning his attention back to Sirius' letter.

…_a blindfold so that Sirius may never see!_

_What do you think, Moony? Brilliant, isn't it? Prongs said I was a perverted idiot and that you'd never like it, but I think he was wrong. He doesn't know just what a kinky Gryffindor you really are. I, however, proudly do._

_Happy first day of Christmas and all that. More to come soon._

_(Expectantly) Yours,_

_Padfoot_

Remus stared at the last line before the signature with trepidation. The promise wasn't one that boded well, surely. Deciding there probably wasn't much he could do about it, Remus placed the blindfold within his bedside table drawer for safe keeping before settling back to return to his book.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Two<strong>_

The holidays were a wonderful time, or so Albus thought. While most of the children were gone, and that was a bit saddening, there was always that feeling of general cheer that hung heavy in the air. The decorations around the castle were always lovely and the snow-covered grounds were a sight to behold. That wasn't even to mention the pudding that the house elves worked so very hard on, bless their little souls.

Yes, Christmas was quite the joy all around. His favourite time of the year, just as it was for many others. And, while always rather light and sprightly as his feet were, Albus felt there was an added spring in his step around Christmas time. Why should there not be, between all the carols and cheer and general good-will? And pudding. Couldn't forget the pudding.

Patting his stomach at the thought and chuckling softly to himself, Albus continued on his way through the corridor. Soon enough, he paused in his progression as he heard the sound of running feet. Almost immediately after, a student barreled around the far corner, one hand cupped against his chest while the other pointed his wand at one of the windows. The expression upon his pale face was a mix between steely determination and horrible panic. Albus had never seen Remus Lupin in such a state before.

As Remus closed in on the window, the glass disappeared. Stopping short of colliding with the wall, the boy pulled his hand away from his chest and tossed what looked to be two Dungbombs over the ledge. Albus heard a distant small explosion barely three seconds later.

Remus' face smoothed out as he heaved a sigh of relief and spelled the glass back into place seamlessly. He turned away from the window and froze when his eyes settled on the headmaster.

"Er…" he said intelligently. "Um, hello, Professor Dumbledore, sir."

Albus inclined his head slightly in greeting. "Good evening, Mr. Lupin," he replied.

Remus' eyes shifted around the corridor, his mind obviously working quickly. "This, er – That wasn't what it looked like, sir," he tried to explain.

"Of course, of course," Albus said, tossing his hands up glibly. "I'm sure it was not. However, I've not the time to investigate at the moment. Urgent matters to attend to." He winked at Remus and the boy smiled slightly in thanks before turning and walking away. Shortly before he rounded the corner, Albus thought he heard him mutter, "Two Dungbombs filled with love, my arse."

Chuckling again, Albus straightened his robes and began to move down the corridor again. Important matters, indeed. Perhaps the elves would be generous enough to provide him with a second helping of pudding.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Three<strong>_

Remus carefully unattached the package from the three owls' legs before sending them on their way. He set the brown wrapped box on a table in the common room, took a step back, and studied it. Truth be told, he was almost frightened to open the thing. After the extremely close call he'd had the day before, he had no idea who could possibly blame him. Well, Sirius, probably, but he really didn't count.

Releasing a breath of air to blow his fringe out of his eyes, Remus steeled himself as he bent down to open the package. It rattled metallically as he moved it and he guided his hands warily. Inhaling a deep breath, he threw the sides of the box open to reveal three…

"Alarm clocks?" he muttered to himself. Remus leaned in closer to study the clocks; even picked one up to be sure. They were, in fact, alarm clocks. Why Sirius had sent him _three_ when Remus already had a perfectly nice one up in the dorm was a mystery to him.

Pushing a bright blue one to the side, Remus spied a folded piece of parchment hidden in the corner of the cardboard square. Pulling it out and unfolding it, his eyes scanned over the words that were written in Sirius' large and untidy scrawl.

…_wondering __why __I__sent __you __these. __Well, __Moony, __there __is __a __very __simple __answer. __It __is __so __that __I __can __make __sure __you __are __awake __and __alert __(and __stay __that __way) __any__time __I_ want _you.__Wink __wink, __hint __hint__…_

"Well, that's a bit disturbing," Remus said aloud before shrugging and packing the clocks up to his dorm.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Four<strong>_

_I__'__d __back __away_ immediately _after __opening __this. __Don__'__t __say __I __didn__'__t __warn __you._

Remus swallowed as he leaned in to open the box the owls had just dropped into the middle of his breakfast plate. Throwing the sides back, he quickly took two steps away from the table, already cringing in anticipation.

When ten seconds passed and nothing happened, Remus slowly edged his way up to the box. Craning his neck, he peered inside and had a brief view of four fireworks before the water charm broke and one firework after another hissed and blazed past his face.

The first one exploded over the table and Remus gaped as it began to spell out words and form sentences, followed by the other three:

_One the fourth day of Christmas,_

_My true love sent to me_

_Four Wet-Start Fireworks_

_To show his love for me!_

When the sparks in the air faded, Remus' mouth worked as he gazed around through smoking eyelashes at the few students who remained at the school and the professors at the staff table. They stared back at him in bafflement, their eyes shifting from him, to the ceiling, and then back again. Just as Remus thought he was gaining his voice back, Dumbledore stood from his chair and began to clap loudly.

"Marvelous show, Mr. Lupin!" he declared. "Should we expect another one anytime soon?"

Remus' mouth fell open, his eyebrows rising as he stared at the headmaster. Slowly, he shook his head before turning and retreating from the Great Hall. He was just mounting the stairs in the Entrance Hall when another owl landed on the banister and offered its leg to him.

_I did warn you, Moony. How are the eyelashes? Salvageable, do you think?_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Five<strong>_

"Argus, what is it you would like for me to do, exactly?" Minerva asked, resisting the urge to bring up her fingers and press them against her temple.

"Peeves is a menace to this school!" Filch cried in outrage. "He needs to be chucked out."

"And how would you suggest I go about expelling a poltergeist from the castle?" she said disdainfully. "I cannot, in all honesty, grab him by the ear and lead him off the grounds."

Filch's mouth gaped open, his brows furrowing in thought. When a long while had passed and he still had not answered, Minerva said, "Well, if you think of anything, please _do_ let me know. In the mean time, I have more important things to worry about than a troublesome ghost. Excuse me."

Minerva moved to return to her office when she heard a loud commotion making its way down the corridor towards them. Straining her ears, she was able to hear a voice accompanying the noise.

"No!" the voice shouted. "Please, stop! Don't go that way. Argh! Sirius Black, I am going to _murder_ you with my bare hands!"

Just as the voice stopped – and Minerva now had a fairly decent idea as to whom it belonged to and was already dreading what she was about to witness, especially if Sirius Black was involved – five ducks waddled into site, quacking and flapping their wings. Following close behind was a very panicked and out of breath Remus Lupin.

"You stupid birds!" he cried, shooting a spell at the ducks and missing as they moved. "Would you stop?"

Filch's face turned red as he began to bounce up and down, pointing towards the birds. "Ducks!" he yelled. "Ducks in the corridors!" He turned and stared at Minerva expectantly. "Ducks in the –"

"Yes, I _know_, Argus," Minerva snapped. "I can see them just as well as you can." Turning to watch the young man as he passed by, she said sharply, "Mr. Lupin."

Lupin froze mid-step and stumbled slightly as he rounded to face her. "P-Professor," he stuttered out, his eyes darting back after the ducks. "Er…How are you?"

Minerva's lips pulled into a thin line. "What is the meaning of this?"

She saw the boy's throat move as he swallowed. "I, er…Well, you see, um – Oh, no! Don't go down there!" Lupin's legs began to move again as he ran down the corridor after the birds.

"Mr. Lupin!" Minerva shouted after him.

"I'm sorry, Professor," he yelled back over his shoulder. "You can give me my detention later!"

Minerva huffed in frustration as the boy disappeared around the corner, the quacking eventually dying away. She shook her head and turned back to Filch.

"Ought to hang him up by his thumbs in the dungeon, you should," Filch muttered, his eyes staring at the corner where the ducks and student had fled. "I've got the chains, I have, and –"

"Oh, do hush up, Argus, and go find your cat," Minerva bit out before entering her office and shutting the door in his face.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Six<strong>_

Remus started awake when he heard a very loud crack within the previously silent dorm room. Throwing his bed hangings aside and peering out for the source of the noise, Remus was forced to rub at his eyes, fearing that he was hallucinating.

"Erm…Can I help you?" he asked once it became clear that he was not.

"Remus Lupin, sir, we is here to serve you in whatever yous may need," a house elf told him in its high-pitched voice. The five other elves surrounding it nodded in agreement.

Apparently, it had not been merely one crack, but six simultaneous cracks, or so Remus decided as his mind began to work. "Er, yes, right," he mumbled idiotically. "And, um…_why_ would that be, exactly?" Remus thought this was a very valid question, all things considered.

The same elf – Remus had dubbed him The Leader – stepped forward and offered him an envelope. "Wes has a letter for yous, Remus Lupin," The Leader said in answer.

"Right," Remus said slowly, accepting the letter cautiously. Eyeing the elves dubiously, Remus hooked a finger under the seal and split the envelope open, removing the letter within.

…_trying to figure something out, and then James said you probably had a rough go of it yesterday with the ducks. Then he called me an idiotic wanker, the berk. And, really, I don't see what the big deal was. They were charmed ducks and turned back into James' toiletries after twelve hours. _

_So, __from __this __(and __this __is __the __part __where __I __am __truly __as tounding), __I __devised __that __what __he __was_ really _trying __to __say __was __that __you __needed __some __help. __In __light __of__t his __realisation, __I __present __you __with __six __house__elves, __all __of __which __will__f ollow __you __and __be __at __your __beck __and __call __f__or __the __rest __of __the __holiday._

_Happy Christmas, Moonykins!_

_Padfoot_

_P.S. The only reason I even sent the ducks was because of that stuffed one you had back in first year. Thought you'd like a couple real ones. So, really, it's your own fault if you think about it, you see._

Remus snorted in disapproval. Sirius had stolen that duck no sooner than he had set eyes on it. He had no room to talk. At all.

Hearing the sound of shuffling feet, Remus glanced up and gazed at the six house elves that he had briefly forgotten about. They stared back at him with hopeful, expectant eyes and Remus felt his stomach twist at the thought of dismissing them.

"Er, look," he began, and the elves leaned forward on their toes in anticipation. "It was a wonderful thought for Sirius to enlist you lot to, um…help me out, but I really don't have any need for you. And I am grateful to all of you that you're so willing."

Five of the elves' ears drooped when they heard the words, but The Leader's shoulders squared as he replied, "Remus Lupin, sir, wes mean no disrespect, but wes is under strict orders from Master Sirius to serve yous until the end of the holiday." Once he was finished speaking, the elf hung his head, almost as though expecting punishment for his brave stand. Remus despised the entire situation.

Figuring there was little hope, but deciding to try regardless, he asked, "Is there anything I can say to make you six go away?"

"No, Remus Lupin, sir," The Leader answered, his ears fluttering happily, "there is not."

Remus sighed and bent his head to rest it against his knees in exhaustion. No sooner had he moved, however, before there was an elf by his side, pushing at his shoulder. "Remus Lupin does not look so well. Remus Lupin should lie down if he is ill."

Falling back against his pillow, Remus decided that the fight wasn't worth the energy this early in the morning. Best to leave it 'til later in the day.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Seven<strong>_

"Remus Lupin, sir!"

At the high-pitched squeak, Remus sat up quickly from his sprawled position on the sofa. The elves were excited and that never boded well for anyone, really, and – _SQUILSH!_

The shock of the impact sent Remus flying forward, the bowl his face had connected with sailing across the room. It hit the opposite wall and shattered with a loud crash. Remus watched through goop-covered eyes as fruit and custard flew in every direction.

Remus' gaze trained on The Leader. "Do I even want to know what that was?"

The Leader bowed his head as he answered, "It is trifle, Remus Lupin, sir. Master Sirius says that it is your favourite pudding, so he is requesting wes bring yous seven helpings." The elf tugged at the corner of his ear as he made to turn around. "Wes will go and punish us now. Wes is bad elves."

Remus waved a hand at The Leader to stop him. "No, no, no. You've done nothing wrong." The six elves' ears lifted at his words as Remus took a finger and swiped it through the pudding sliding down his cheek, popping it inside his mouth experimentally. "Trifle, did you say?" The Leader nodded vigourously. "Well, let's have some, then. We shouldn't let perfectly good trifle go to waste, should we?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Eight<strong>_

Remus had developed a twitch, and for good reason, or so he thought. It harassed him at the oddest of times, but harass him it did. It seemed to contort one entire half side of his face, making his eyebrow jump around like it was attempting the can-can, his eye to squint in wicked looking winks, and his lips to quirk as though he was unable to take anything seriously. Honestly, he looked as though he was having a fit throughout most of the day.

The elves were generally the cause for the winks. Anytime he caught sight of one of the little beasts that seemed to follow him through every part of the castle, his eye took on a mind of its own. Remus hated it; he hated them. The worst bit, though, were the owls. Breakfast was an utter nightmare. The post arrived and Remus would dive beneath the table, just to hide himself. Any small glimpse of something moving beyond a window, or the sound of a hoot was enough to set Remus entire face into spasms.

When an owl pecked against a window in the empty and silent library, Remus nearly toppled three shelves. After tidying the books he had knocked loose and opening the window for the owl, Remus was forced to apologise to Madam Pince a grand total of six times before she would release him. And the entire time, the bird sat perched on the edge of a table, staring at him with its beady eyes. Remus hated the owl, too, because he could and it was much better than hating Sirius.

"What've you got, then?" he said to the owl, probably a bit more harshly than was absolutely necessary. The owl hooted and pecked at Remus' fingers as he untied the scroll and package from its leg.

Opening the scroll of parchment first, Remus read:

…_I shrunk it a bit so that the bird could carry it, so cast an engorgement charm before you open it._

In hindsight, Remus should have known better than to open a package from Sirius in the library, especially with Madam Pence's hawk-like eyes on him. Ignoring his better judgment, however, Remus cast the proper charm and proceeded to open the box. A book fell free, and upon studying the cover, Remus' cheeks turned red.

_**The **__**Kama **__**Sutra:**_ _For __the __Gay __Wizard_

Quickly trying to regain control of his ever growing flush, Remus eyed the eight colourful tabs which marked certain pages within the book. He could only assume they were positions Sirius had seen and decided he wanted to try. His curiosity overpowering his common sense, Remus glanced around to assure himself that Madam Pince was not anywhere in his general vicinity before flipping to the first marked page.

Which was, of course, a very horrible idea.

Before even the spine of the book had settled flat, an image was jumping from the page, showing two suddenly life-size men, fully animated and hanging in mid-air over the towers of shelves. Remus could do nothing but gawk as the sounds immediately followed.

It was five hours later before Madam Pince allowed Remus to leave the library.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Nine<strong>_

Remus would not be fooled again. He _would __not_. He was on his guard this time, expecting and anticipating every move and possible angle. He refused to even read, opting instead to sit still as stone on the common room sofa and stare unblinkingly out the window, watching, waiting.

The elves were providing him with a large range of space, fearful of what they might lose if they were to come too close. Once or twice The Leader had edged forward out of their corner, advancing three or four small steps in Remus' direction before he had turned around and fled back into the elf huddle. Remus probably would have been amused if he hadn't been distracted by more important things.

"There!" he suddenly shouted, leaping to his feet and pointing out the window at a slowly growing dot. The elves behind him jumped in fright. Rounding on them, Remus barked out, "It's a small package. Sirius Emergency Position Three! Go, go!"

They moved as one, Remus leaping to the window, throwing it open, and the elves crowding behind him. As the owl flew inside, The Leader snatched the package from its leg and sent it back on its way. The Leader sat the package on the table and Remus moved closer, quickly removing his wand as the other elves gathered round and began to prepare themselves as well. At Remus' nod, The Leader moved quickly, throwing the sides of the box open and leaping beneath the table a second later.

When a full minute had passed and nothing had exploded from the box, Remus took a tentative step forward, his wand angled and ready as he craned his neck to peer inside. What he saw was chocolate, probably nine bars of Honeydukes Finest. Still wary, however, because he _knew_ that Sirius was simply trying to lure him into a false sense of security, Remus glanced down at The Leader, standing quietly by his side.

"What do you think?" he asked the elf softly.

The Leader reached a hand up and poked at one of the bars experimentally. "Theys look to be safe, Remus Lupin, sir," he answered.

Remus nodded in acceptance, but decided to cast a quick spell just for assurance. When everything returned normal, Remus shrugged and took a bite of the chocolate. Five seconds later, his mouth exploded. Remus collapsed to the floor and lay there, staring at the ceiling, completely defeated.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Ten<strong>_

Things were becoming ridiculous. Remus was being ridiculous. Sirius would never actually hurt him. So why – _why_ – was he staring at the box as though opening it would be the same as signing his death warrant?

No, he did know why. Sirius' idea of terrible and harmful was not the same as Remus', and Remus knew Sirius all too well. Sirius never would harm Remus, at least not purposefully. And, to be honest, Remus doubted the box contained anything physically dangerous. Sirius wouldn't do that. _Mentally_, however – well, that was another idea altogether. Sirius Black rarely considered the mental aspects of life if he could avoid it.

Squaring his shoulders resolutely and trying his best to ignore the blasted twitch, Remus stepped forward and opened the box, the elves watching his movements with wary eyes. As his fingers rested against the top, the package began to rattle and shake. It exploded seconds later, covering Remus in chocolate sauce, whipping cream, and sweet-smelling glitter.

The elves stared at him in half horror, half amazement as he turned to face them. "Remus Lupin, sir," The Leader said, his voice filled with incredulity, "you is naughty." The other elves nodded in agreement.

"What?" Remus asked, completely baffled.

The Leader snapped his fingers, a full-length mirror appearing in front of Remus. His eyes widened as he took in his form. Every part of his body, clothes included, was covered in the most obscene, lewd words and phrases that Remus had ever heard or read. It was enough to make him blush even if he hadn't had six house elves staring at him.

With barely another glance in the elves' direction, Remus turned and made his way up the stairs to his dorm and the nearest shower, his fists clenching at his sides. Sirius was going to pay.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Eleven<strong>_

…_found these things out at a Muggle shop. I thought they were sort of all right, so I bought them. Honestly, I've no idea what Muggles see in them. They're an absolute bore. I was about to chuck them in the bin when Prongsie came up with an idea. It was brilliant, Moony! We put a charm on them to make them more exciting…_

Remus hadn't even finished reading the note before the package began to stretch and tear at the seams. Remus swallowed and took four large steps back, pushing the house elves with him. The box quickly shredded open and the objects continued to grow, crushing the table beneath them from their bulk. As Remus' back pressed against the wall, one of the objects rumbled and growled at him.

"Bugger," Remus muttered before he ran.

Minerva was on her way to lunch when she heard a very loud disturbance heading her way. Pausing in the corridor, it took all of her restraint to keep her mouth from falling open when six house elves, Remus Lupin, and what looked like two giant Muggle push cars barreled around the far corner.

"Run!" Lupin shouted at the elves, nudging them along on their short legs as he followed his own advice. The cars roared as they gained speed and advance towards their prey.

Minerva watched with frozen limbs and wide eyes as the elf closest to Lupin stumbled and fell. Lupin stopped mid-stride and raced back towards the helpless elf, throwing himself over top of the creature heroically – and rather stupidly, or so Minerva thought because now they were both trapped with no time to move. They stared at the oncoming cars in frozen horror, mouths hanging wide with fear.

Reaching for her wand, Minerva shot a spell at the moving cars and they stopped a mere arm's length away from the boy and elf before returning to their normal size. The two prone figures lay still for a moment longer before their muscles fell slack with relief. Lupin finally stood, pulling the elf to its feet as he did so, and turned to face Minerva, thankfulness and dread warring for purchase in his expression.

"Mr. Lupin," Minerva said sharply as the boy stepped forward, "what is the meaning of this?" Lupin swallowed thickly, but did not immediately reply. "It was my assumption that with Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Pettigrew away we would be able to have a peaceful holiday. I suppose that –"

But Lupin had begun to laugh manically and Minerva cut herself off. "They're always here!" Lupin cried madly. "They're everywhere. Even when they're not here, they're here! They never leave me in peace. They're brilliant and they're insane and they're pure geniuses. _They __never __leave!_" he shouted once more before he fell backwards on to the floor, passing out from exhaustion.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Day Twelve<strong>_

It was unseasonably warm for late December, so Remus spent the later part of Christmas morning sitting by the lake in his cloak on the snow sprinkled shore. He watched the ice patches idly, admiring the water that was seeping through the still frozen bits and musing over himself, the past few days, and life in general; anything to keep his mind occupied.

The morning had been quiet so far. Remus had woken early and opened his gifts in silence, smiling slightly at some of them, especially the ones from James and Peter. There had been nothing from Sirius yet, and Remus was admittedly waiting. The twitch was gone, the nervousness a recent memory. Remus was willing to admit that as chaotic as Sirius' gifts had been, he'd enjoyed them, the contact of them. They had been Sirius in all his wonderful and frenzied brilliance. And Remus missed Sirius. He missed him a great deal.

McGonagall had sent the house elves back to the kitchens after the events of the day before. Remus missed them as well, if only a little. They had been companionship of the smallest kind, but companionship nonetheless. Remus wondered if Sirius had sent them for that purpose instead of the reason he had actually given. Remus wouldn't doubt it. Remus doubted very little anymore, least of all when it came to Sirius Black.

An owl hooted nearby and Remus glanced up to see the Potters' owl swooping down over his head. She landed on a patch of shore free of snow and held out her leg, nipping his fingers affectionately as he removed the envelope that was attached. When he was finished, she took flight once more, heading in the direction of the Owlery. Remus watched her until she disappeared before turning his attention to the letter in his hand.

_Moony,_

_Thought I'd send you something to get you through those long, cold nights without me. Enjoy!_

_Padfoot_

_P.S. I'll be back before you know it, don't worry._

Remus' lips curved up into a smile as his fingers traced over the signature before slipping the letter back inside and pulling out a small stack of Muggle photos. Flipping through them, he soon found himself laughing at the ridiculously sexy poses Sirius had positioned himself in. Most of them would only ever induce laughter from him, though, to be honest, there were a few that would probably come in handy, especially over the summer months. While looking at them, however, he soon realised something.

"There are only eleven of you, Sirius," he murmured to himself. "Where's the twelfth?"

"Right here," a voice said from behind him.

Remus' head jerked around so quickly that a sharp pain shot through his neck, but he ignored it when his eyes settled on the tall figure of Sirius Black. His mouth dropped open slightly in surprise and Sirius grinned down at him, his teeth gleaming in the sunlight. There was another photo in Sirius' hand, but Remus paid it no mind as his gaze refused to leave Sirius' face.

"You're here," he breathed, finding it difficult to say much else.

"Yep," Sirius chirped, dropping down on the ground beside Remus. "Miss me?"

Remus finally managed to look away, glancing out over the half frozen lake. "Not at all," he denied. "_Why_ are you here?"

Sirius shrugged. "You know," he said flippantly, "Hogwarts, Christmas, pudding. The important things."

"Prat," Remus muttered.

"Love you, too," Sirius retorted, his grin widening as he bumped his shoulder against Remus'.

Remus turned his head to look back at Sirius. "I love you," he murmured. "And I did miss you." Sirius' eyes crinkled in the corners as his smile grew even more. Chuckling, Remus reached across Sirius' lap. "Now, let's see this photo." Studying the image of Sirius, Remus hummed softly.

"What?" Sirius asked, his grin fading into a look of puzzlement.

"Well," Remus began slowly, savouring Sirius' nervous energy, "I was just trying to decide whether I think this looks better than the real thing or not." He paused in mock thought for a brief moment. "I think the picture's better."

"Wanker. Give it back!" Sirius cried, reaching for the photo. Remus caught Sirius' lips in a kiss as the other boy leaned against him and he felt Sirius' mouth curve up into a smile. When they finally parted, Sirius said, "All right, you can keep it." Remus smirked and placed it in his cloak pocket along with the others as Sirius settled against him.

They sat and watched the lake for a long while before Sirius spoke again. "Remus? Did you throw the ducks into the lake?"

"I did," Remus answered curiously. "Why?"

Sirius pointed at something that had been slowly moving through the water. "That's James' toothbrush," he replied simply.

"Ah," Remus murmured. "Are you going to give it back to him?"

Sirius shrugged against Remus' chest. "Don't think so. He'll find it eventually," he said indifferently. "Happy Christmas, Moony."

Remus smiled as he pressed his lips to Sirius' head. "Happy Christmas, Sirius."


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance