Naruto The Big Chaotic Nameless Parody

I own Naruto and I own you too. What are you going to do about it? Muwhaha. Now that I'm on a role, I also own NGE, Saishuuheiki Kanojo, Hellsing, and if anybody tries to sue me, Lain will erase your existence. 

This is a parody. I'm just sick of seeing all this yaoi and sex-change crap on ff.net, especially in the Naruto section, where there is an overabundance of people with 5th grade level grammar and vocabulary. If you can read this and laugh along, good for you. Some profanity will be in here, although, there might be some disturbing scenes, but those would only be bad as yaoi from a male point of view... And no, I am not homophobic. This is intended to be chaotic, and if you're seeing any vestiges of logic and reason here, you're clearly deluded. And God, I don't have any sexual interest for Sakura, nor any of the other characters in Naruto because pretty much all of them are quite a few years my junior... And I hope I'm not breaking any laws writing this... I know it's confusing. It's meant to be confusing. 

***************

Sasuke's hands shook slightly as he held the scroll in his hand. It was white with two green lines going along the scroll, with an "Earth" kanji in the middle of it. There was a pretty red butterfly knot holding the flimsy sheet of paper in a roll. Sasuke glanced up and met Naruto's steady gaze, who also held a look of constipation on his face. Naruto nodded, and sent a message of silent acknowledgement. Sasuke took a deep breath, and pulled on the ribbon as hard as he could. Instead of undoing itself, it merely became tangled, and at this point in time, large anime style sweatdrops manifested on their brow. Sasuke pulled out his kunal, and swiftly severed the crimson piece of twine, and the scroll unfolded itself.

Sakura who had been observing all of this from a distance away, started running towards them, screaming and flailing her hands in the air. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!111!!11! DON'T OPEN THE SCROL-"

It was too late. A huge burst of smoke erupted, enveloping both Sasuke and Naruto. Naruto's eyes widened in shock, and after the smoke cleared, his eyes widened to the point of nearly rolling out of their sockets. Sakura put a hand up to her mouth and supressed a gasp. Sasuke saw the look of his teammates, and looked at himself. He noticed his slender arms, and a sudden expansion of his chest area. He felt long hair on his shoulders, and twirled the raven black hair. He peered down and noticed an anatomical difference too explicit to put into a PG-13 rated fanfict. 

"What the..." he muttered. "What happened?!?"

Naruto was still staring at Sasuke, speechless. Sakura responded.

"The scroll! It must have been booby-trapped! I heard about things like this last year, there was one time where they were transformed into a hentai tentacle demon!" Sakura shuddered at the thought.

"Www-ow. You're cuter than Sakura-chan!" exclaimed Naruto. Sasuke blushed. Inner Sakura secretly agreed.

"I... I'm female?" Sasuke stammered. His voice gained resolve. "I need a new name then... I'll call myself Sakura. Yes, Sakura Uchiha, it has a nice ring to it..."

"WHAT?!?" shouted Sakura "You can't do that! That's **MY** name!"

"If you don't like it, you can get a new one!" retorted Sakura Uchiha. 

"Whaa? I got it first!"

"Oh yeah? I like it, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm gonna kick your effin ass!" and with that, Sakura launched herself at Sakura, and they started clawing and scratching at each other. Sakura fell and tripped, but she grabbed onto Sakura and pulled her down too, and they ended up rolling on the rocks. Sakura finally came out on top (Pun intended... So sue me), and held Sakura down, leaving her powerless. Sakura started to gloat, but then suddenly, a palm flew out and slammed into her back, and she fell forward, unconscious, her breasts landing squarely on Sakura's face. Naruto, who had been enjoying the fight immensely, glanced up, and saw Hinata in a fighting stance. Sakura struggled to get Sakura off her.

"Wow! I never knew Hinata was that strong!" exclaimed Naruto. "What are you doing here?"

"I became seperated with my team after we saw Gaara of the Sand trap three other shinobi in sand, then exerted enough force to liquify them and proceeded to calmly prevent the fine red mist from staining his clothes by opening an umbrella. Then I saw that girl attacking Sakura, so I knocked her out." explained Hinata.

"Huh?" came the expected, bewildered reply. Hinata just sighed.

"How many scrolls do you have?"

Naruto frowned and looked away. "I'm not telling." he said stubbornly. Meanwhile, Sakura was still trying to seperate Sakura's legs, which were tightly bound with hers, so she could get up.

"We should travel towards the tower, everybody will be there. It will be easier to find a scroll that way." said Hinata, obviously ignoring Naruto's childish antics. 

"Fine." he agreed reluctantly, as Sakura finally freed herself from Sakura's deathbind, which had somehow resulted in her clothes being moved around, and coincidentally showed more cleavage, to the pleasant suprise of drooling fanboys.

"What happened?" asked Hinata, peering at the unconscious Sakura.

"Sasuke, err, I meant Sakura got turned into a girl by looking at the scroll."

"Oh." Hinata blushed, and rubbed her fingers together in a weird gesture. 

***************

Hinata traveled, leading the way with her Byakugan, followed by Sakura, and Naruto with the unconscious Sakura on his back. It was nearly nightfall when they finally stopped to rest and eat. After what passed for a dinner, the ground tried to catch some rest, with Naruto and Hinata on watch. 

"Nn-Naruto-kun..." whispered Hinata shyly.

"Huh?" came the standard response.

"I-I... love you." finished Hinata, who then bowed her head in embarassment and blushed.

"Oh." came the dumbfounded response.

Hinata looked up. "Is that your only reponse?" she asked, suddenly acting a little hostile.

"Uh, yeah..."

Anger streaked across Hinata's face, and she slammed her palm into an nearby tree trunk, splitting it in half with her chakra discharge.

"And I put up this shy girl act for nothing!" she fumed. She turned around, and tackled Naruto onto the ground. "Listen, I'm going to have you one way or another!"

"W-wha?"

Hinata grinned widely (Can you imagine that? I can't) and straddled Naruto on his hips. Her hand slipped under his shirt and began exploring his back area slowly. She then pressed her entire body onto his, her finger gently teasing his ears. "Don't you want me?" she whispered into his ear. "I'll do anything for you.. **Anything.**" she added with an emphasis.

"Uhh, Hinata-chan, I don't think w-" Naruto was interrupted as she put a finger up to his mouth.

"Shh... Just sit back, and enjoy the ride, ne?" she smiled as she began removing her coat, and unzipped Naruto's jacket. She began nibbling on his neck (Kinky! ;P), slowly rubbing herself up and down him.

"I- I can't!" screamed Naruto. "There's already somebody I love! Sakura! Help me!"

At this moment, Sakura's body started to glow an eery violet color. She slowly got to her feet, and strange markings stemming from a seal on her neck began to move across her body. Hinata's eyes widened in suprise.

"T-This chakra... Is abnormal." Hinata turned and began to flee, and Sakura suddenly interposed between Hinata and freedom. She moved forward and grabbed her by the arms, and planted a feet on her back. Sakura gave an malicious grin as she forced Hinata down, and proceeded to mount her from behind. Her hands moved swiftly and efficiently, and with every blow that landed, Hinata screamed. Sakura's hands moved up and down Hinata's body, giving her no chance to recover from the vicious blows.

"Ss-top!" Hinata shouted between bouts of laughter. At this point, Sakura went for the area right above her hips, and she erupted in laughter again. "P-Please!" 

Naruto watched mesmerised by the new Sakura. Sakura's grin widended. "Only if you get on your knees and call me master."

"I-I'm a-aalready on me knees!" 

"Then say it." as if to back herself up, Sakura then issued another attack at her armpits.

"M-master! I beg you, stop!" Hinata screamed, face red from the humiliation. Sakura stood up.

"You may go now."

Hinata merely whimpered, and scampered away. Sasuke turned about and faced Naruto.

"Now... For you."

Naruto stood rooted to the ground, paralyzed by fear as Sakura advanced. Suddenly Sakura woke up, and grabbed Sakura by the waist from behind, who immediately froze.

"Please... Stop. For me?"

The markings started to retract into the seal where they originated from, and Sakura collapsed onto the ground, spasming. Blood spurted out of her mouth as she lay twitching on the ground. Sakura hugged Sakura more tightly, burying her face in her chest, tears streaming down and turning the clothing quite transparant. 

"Don't die! Please!" wailed Sakura.

"S-Sakura... I love you..." said Sakura with her last breath. Sakura planted her mouth on Sakura's lips, and their tongues intertwined, while Naruto just stood by slack-jawed. Sakura wept as Sakura's body went limp.

Two minutes by some miraculous plot device, Sakura came back to life. The two Sakuras hugged and started kissing, and it progressed into more, err, naughtier things. 

***************

The next morning, Sakura and Sakura were completely exhausted. They were both on their backs, clothing scattered all over the place.

"Whoa..." gasped Sakura. "That... was something."

"Yeah." agreed Sakura.

"Hey! You didn't even let me join in!" fumed Naruto, furious that he had only been able to watch.

"Shut up!" said the Sakuras together as their tongues found each other once more.

***************

This is a one-shot, and will probably have no continuation unless I get an overwhelming response. You're welcomed to review, whether it's valid criticism and suggestions, or a flame by some 11 year old girl who types with alternating caps, but if it's of the latter, I'll probably just laugh at you. Yeah, I know it's horrible written, and if somebody wants to sue me for child porn, remember, all characters are age 18 or above =) I know there's no plot: I typed this up at midnight under the guise of homework. But at least it makes more sense than a lot of fanficts out there. And btw, the Hinata bit with her all evil? That's like you people making Sasuke a happy-go-lucky bunny on Ecstacy with ADHD. I might do some angst... Maybe, provided I can be motivated enough...

And girls, when you do have a lesbian love fest, let the poor guys join in, eh? And domination is kinky ;)


End file.

Naruto, Humor, Parody