Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース 1. Episode 7: Sailor Lantis at Wal-Mart

(Cue beginning of "Embracing Light and Darkness", bad dubbed version. Eagle is gaily dancing/prancing around Subway parking lot. Voice from above sings badly in English)

I hold the light and the darkness of my heart, trembling while I embrace the shadows, moving me apart, and I can't give up all the dreams that I have chased, and my love will be there and will come to me again with priiiide....

(Pan shot of a smirking Nova holding her supersoaker standing on the roof of Subway at sunset)

When I look to the sunset....all the colors, so beautiful...that the tears fall right down, into the sea to the ocean of my heart...

(Pan shots of Ascot cutting hair of a person with really long bangs, Aska posing and getting her picture taken by Sang Yung, and Clef grinning with Tarta and Tatra on each arm)

Though the brighness of the sun has drifted far away, tomorrow holds the sunlight of a brand new day for me...

(Action-packed shot of Nova and Ferio having a condiment-filled supersoaker battle in the middle of Wal-Mart)

I hold the light and the darkness of my heart, trembling as I embrace the shadows, moving me apart, and I can't give up all the dreams that I have chased (quickly move to an overhead pan shot of Sailor Lantis sitting crosslegged on the Doughboy statue at sunset with Sailor Primera flitting around his shoulder) and my love...will be there...and will come to me again....

(Eagle does a ballet leap across the parking lot)

With each rising sun....

(Close to shot of entire group standing in front of Wal-Mart at sunset) 

I'll find the future that is miiiiiine!!!!!

MKR Mount Pleasant 2

Episode 7

"Sailor Lantis at Wal-Mart"

(Scene is Wal-Mart. Sailor Lantis is working the customer service counter. Clef approaches him)

Sailor Lantis- Hello, customer! I am Sailor Lantis, your friendly Wal-Mart employee ::strikes Sailor Moon pose:: How may I be of service to you today?

Clef- (thinking--Dude, that's messed up) ::coughs:: Yeah, I was wondering where the kinky sex toy aisle is.

Sailor Lantis- Aisle 372, right next to Housewares.

Clef- Thanks a lot, man! ::lech grin::

Sailor Lantis- Just doin' my job! ::hums "mystic eyes" and types stuff on the computer::

(Presea and Ferio watch Sailor Lantis from their perch on top of the dog food shelf)

Presea- ::looking through binoculars:: Look at him, Ferio. He really seems to be enjoying his job.

Ferio- ::munching on dog buscuits:: Yeah, uh-huh! ....mmmm these are some damn good cookies

Presea- ::snatches bag away from Ferio, reads it, and smacks him upside the head:: You idiot! These are DOG buscuits!

Ferio- I don't care! Doesn't make em any less dee-licious!

Presea- ::sweatdrops:: Baka. ::raises binoculars up to her eyes:: He's falling right into our trap...poor, stupid, crossdressing Sailor Lantis. ::She begins to laugh evilly, then, realizing Ferio is not laughing with her, smacks him and motions for him to laugh. Both of them commence laughing evilly::

(At this point, Fred music begins to play. You know, the piano stuff they always play in Outlaw Star when they show Fred)

Sailor Lantis- Was that evil laughing I just heard? Oh well! ::sings:: Zettai...unmei....moku--oh! Hello customer, I am Sailor Lantis, your friendly Wal-Mart employee! ::strikes stupid pose:: How may I be of service to you today?

Fred- Yes, I was wondering where I can find Gene plushies.

Sailor Lantis- Gene plushies? Just a second, let me look that up. ::types stuff in computer:: Ah, here we are! Gene plushies!

Fred- ::Hungrily:: Where are they?!?!

Sailor Lantis- Aisle 17,346, next to Gardening Supplies.

Fred- Thanks! ::runs away::

Sailor Lantis- ::shouts after him:: Anytime!

Meanwhile, at Subway...

Eagle- ::sitting on the floor, watching and quoting dubbed Utena on the TV under the counter [I KNOW there's one there....there's just gotta be]:: "Nice skirt, SAY-won-jee!" Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!! ::eats a pork rind::

Nova- Hey, Eagle, wacha watching? Oooh! DUBBED UTENA!!! ::sits down and watches with Eagle::

Eagle- Pork rind?

Nova- Hell yeah.

(And now, a rare appearance from a Magic Knight)

Fuu- ::looking around:: Excuse me? Is there anyone here? May I get some service, please?

Eagle&Nova- Grrrrr....::they look at each other and nod::

Eagle- ::stands up slowly:: Yes....you can get some "service". NOVA!

Nova- ::jumps up, holding SuperSoakder:: Here's your service, be-otch! ::squirts entire contents of supersoaker at Fuu:: That'll teach you to interrupt us when we're watching anime that's dubbed even worse than ours! ::notices SuperSoaker is empty:: Aw, crap, now I have to go buy more mustard.

Eagle- Come on, let's go to Wal-Mart. I've been wanting to see how Sailor Lantis is doing.

Meanwhile, at Wal-Mart....

Fred- ::tightly squeezing Gene plushie:: Oh, GEEEENEEEE, I love you so much!


	2. Episode 8: The Dastardly Doings of Prese...

((Cheesy opening. You don't really expect me to type the whole thing over again, now do you?))  
  
MKR Mount Pleasant 2  
"The Dastardly Doings of Presea and Ferio"  
  
(Scene is Wal Mart. Presea and Ferio sit at their post on top of the dog food aisle. Both are watching Fred hug the Gene plushie through binoculars.))  
  
Presea- What do you think, Ferio? Would he make a good addition to our 'plan'?  
  
Ferio- Dude, Presea, he's from Outlaw Star!  
  
Presea- So?  
  
Ferio- So?! This is a Rayearth fic! What if the people reading this don't like/never saw Outlaw Star?  
  
Presea- I never thought of that. Wait--why is he even in this in the first place.   
  
Ferio- ::munches on dog biscuits:: I think Dusk has a thing for him.  
  
Presea- No way! If anything, she's gay and has a thing for Nova!  
  
Ferio- You dolt! I tell ya, she's head over heels in love with Fred!  
  
Presea- No way! Nova!  
  
Ferio- Fred!  
  
Presea- Nova!  
  
Dusk- ::mumbles:: Bakas. ::hand of God (Dusk) comes out of the sky and whacks them both upside the head, before going back up to huggle Dusk's Mikage plushie.::  
  
Presea and Ferio- Sorry.  
  
Presea- In any case, we've got to get rid of Fred!  
  
Ferio- Already taken care of.  
  
(A giant black hole appears out of nowhere and swallows Fred up::  
  
Presea and Ferio- MWA HA HA HA HA!  
  
Ferio- ::watching the door with binoculars:: Look, Presea, our new employee has visitors.  
  
Presea- ::watches too:: Eagle and Nova. What do you think, Ferio?  
  
Ferio- I think if Eagle was a woman he'd be hot.  
  
Presea- ::sweatdrop:: I'm just going to pretend I never heard that...  
  
(Eagle and Nova walk up to customer service counter)  
  
Eagle- Hiya Lantisu! ::sweet smile::  
  
Sailor Lantis- EAGLE! MY SWEETIE! ::GLOMP::  
  
(Eagle laughs and hugs him back)  
  
Eagle- Good to see you too Lantisu! It's been what, 2 episodes since I saw you last?  
  
Sailor Lantis- Don't forget the hiatus between seasons.  
  
Eagle- Oh yeah...(They stand and stare at each other a for couple minutes, then Eagle holds out his bag of BBQ pork rinds) Pork rind?  
  
Sailor Lantis- Sure!  
  
(They continue talking randomly and ignoring Nova.)  
  
Nova- Bakas. ::shakes her head and walks over to check out the condiment aisle::  
  
Presea- ::looking through binoculars:: Good, she's gone off by herself. Time to put our 'plan' into 'action'. Ready, Ferio?  
  
Ferio- ::pumps ketchup-filled super soaker:: Ready.  
  
Presea- ::still watching:: ...Come on...just a little bit more....a-HA! Ferio! GO!  
  
Ash Ketchum- Hey! That's MY phrase!  
  
(Giant black hole appears again and swallows him up)  
  
(Presea and Ferio cackle evilly)  
  
Presea- Anyway....GO!  
  
(Ferio jumps down and lands in the condiment aisle behind Nova. He taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and Ferio squirts ketchup and her and knocks her unconscious)  
  
Ferio- Presea! Time to use our super secret weapon!  
  
Presea- You mean the net? OK! ::jumps down and captures Nova in the super secret weapon....er.....net::  
  
Ferio- Come, Presea! To the catacombs of Wal Mart!  
  
Presea- You mean the freezer?  
  
Ferio- Catacombs, freezer, same difference. Let's go!  
  
(They pick up the net and carry the unconscious, ketchup-covered Nova to the catacombs...er....freezer)  
  
Sailor Lantis- Hey, where'd Nova go?  
  
Eagle- She's probably off getting some more mustard. She used the last of hers on Fuu today.  
  
Sailor Lantis- Fuu sucks.  
  
(Both nod wisely. Close to black.)  
  
Disclaimer: (As read by Scooby Doo) Ragic Right Rayrearth relongs ro RAMP. Ral Rart relongs ro rome ruy rho's really rich. I relong ro......ruuuuuuuh.....rot re.  
  
Dusk- The net/catacombs thing is a subtle nod to the hilarious Utena fic "Scenes From An Elevator" which you can find at the Utena Fanfiction Repository, which I would put the link to here, however, aohell just kicked me off so I have no access to the URL right now. Pity. You're just going to have to search for it yourself. 


	3. Episode 9: The Unruly Stranger and Nova'...

MKR Mount Pleasant 2  
Episode 3  
"The Unruly Stranger and Nova's Captivity"  
  
(Scene is Medic 10, the ambulance place, at exactly 12:01 AM. [that's a minute after midnight for all you people who can't tell time] A shadowy figure sneaks through the parking lot and ducks behind a bush as a random druggie teenager passes by on their bike.)  
  
Shadowy Figure- Whew! That was a close one! They almost had me!  
  
(Shadowy figure creeps over to the door, as dramatic and Mission Impossible-ish as s/he can get. S/he picks the lock, and stumbles inside. The sound of breaking glass and things falling can be heard.)  
  
Shadowy Figure- OW!  
  
(Finally, the door to the garage opens, and the Shadowy Figure zooms out in an ambulance. Now it is revealed that the Shadowy Figure is none other than...)  
  
Brak- WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
(Meanwhile, at Wal-Mart.....)  
  
  
(Presea sits on top of toilet seat aisle watching random druggie teenagers w/binoculars.)  
  
Ferio- ::on walkie talkie:: Presea, come in, Presea! Do you read me?  
  
Presea- Of course I hear you, you lunkhead! Don't talk so loud, it's quiet up here. How's Nova?  
  
Ferio- Well she was a bit hysterical at first until I went and got her some mustard. Then she started crying because it froze. But then her tears froze too so she gave up on that. Then she started pacing to keep warm. It's very cold in there....er...here.  
  
Presea- There? Ferio...are you even in the freezer?  
  
Ferio- Um..yes.  
  
Presea- Then let me talk to Nova.  
  
Ferio- No!  
  
Presea- And why not?  
Ferio- She...uh...she.....she went to sleep!  
  
Presea- Ferio, where are you?  
  
Ferio-.....housewares.....  
  
Presea- And why aren't you in the freezer?  
  
Ferio- Because it's cold in there.  
  
Presea- ::vein on forehead pops:: Then why did you take her there in the first place?  
  
Ferio- Um....  
  
Presea- Go to the freezer, take Nova to electronics, and STAY WITH HER!!!  
  
Ferio- Yes, Sir! Er....Ma'm!  
  
Presea- Baka. ::goes back to watching random druggies, when she hears screeching from outside.) What the...?  
  
Brak- ::doing donuts in the Wal Mart parking lot:: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Presea- Ferio! I think there's something going on outside! Should I go check it out?  
  
Ferio- ::munching on pork rinds:: Go for it.  
  
Presea- Ferio....there's no pork rinds in electronics.  
  
Ferio- Um....I picked them up on my way here.  
  
Presea- ::sighs:: Where are you?  
  
Ferio- ....snack food....  
  
Presea- And where is Nova?  
  
Ferio-.......  
  
Presea- Where is she?! ::vein pops::  
  
Ferio- .......the.......freezer........  
  
(Presea sighs, jumps stealthily off the top of the aisle, and goes to find Ferio and beat the crap out of him.)  
  
Brak- ::doing figure 8's around the shopping cart drop offs, with Fred in the passenger side::  
  
Both- WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ferio- ::between punches:: I told you.....she has.....a thing for him! 


End file.

Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース, Humor, Parody