Sailor Moon Say Ah!

Confession: I hate the dentist. Truly, madly, deeply, I do. The sadistic flunky, the medical odor, the lack of good magazines, I hate it all.

I hate going to the dentist almost as much as I hate my friends right now for forcing me to go. And when I say force, I mean at gun-point. Or fire point in Raye's case. Freaking Pyro.

Note to self: kill Raye, and hopefully with her own incense and matches.

Meekly, I'd caved and before I knew it, I was in the car, my friend Mina at the wheel.

Note to self: run Mina over with her own car. Maybe that will teach her to respect the effing speed limit.

Five minutes and one panic attack later, I'm sitting pretty as you please (well not pretty- I've got ancient sweats on and no make-up) in the waiting room, waiting for Dr. Satan to take me into hell. I chew on that thought for a minute while I look down at the clipboard to find out what Dr. Satan's Name is.

Dr. D. M. Shields D.O.S, M.D.

Well aren't we special? I think, rolling my eyes up at the thought. A dentist and a doctor.

"That is pretty special, don'tcha think?" Mina says, looking for all the world like the cat who caught the cream. Why, I don't know. When it comes to Mina, I've learned not to ask.

"Yeah, it's a real comfort to know that he has two degree in legal torture. " I shoot back. Why is Mina smiling? I swear she's like Mona Lisa's blonde twin when she pulls this sort of thing. I'm shaking and I haven't even been called-

"Serena Delune?"

Okay, now I've been called. I follow the hygienist hellion into the room, throwing one last dirty look at my traitorous friends. They deserve it. Wankers.

I'll spare you the details (and the French spoken) but let's just agree that by the end of the encounter, no love was lost. I strongly suspect that she is in fact a hitman…a woman with a grudge, or at least someone's who's got it in for me. As soon as she leaves the room, I take the opportunity to pray.

"Please don't let her come back, please don't let her come back, please don't-"

She's come back. My heart sinks at the sight of her but I breathe a sigh of relief at the sound of what must be the most beautiful sentence on earth.

"Don't worry, Ann, I'll take it from here."

I thank God at that minute for the embarrassing –and-yet-so-handy bib under my cheek that catches my drool. There in the doorway stands what has to be…

Michaelanglo's "David".

Or some semblance of a Greek God, damn it! A living, breathing, hero from a romance novel: tall, dark and sexy-handsome. I meant handsome. I feel myself go red with embarrassment and horror when he smiles and I realize how I must look to him: blonde hair tangled, the skin under my eyes puffy, the finishing touch being a trickle of drool at the corner of my mouth.

Oh, no.

OH NO!

Who the frick writes my scripts!? I try to wipe the offending liquid off but too late, he's seen it. And looks utterly nonplussed doing so.

I hate him.

"Serena De Lune, am I right?" He says, flashing teeth. Oh sure, go ahead and show the results of your dental work. I'll find a dorky picture of you in braces to cheer me up later. I nod numbly, trying not to laugh at the idea of a god with a metal mouth. "Yes." I answer, wishing I'd thought of something else to say. "Umm, can I go now?"

You know what? I take that back.

"I'm so sorry, I just really hate going to the dentist."

Hey, God! I took it back, remember?

I sit there mortified until I hear a funny snuffling sound and what sounds like choking. He looks at me and explodes into laughter. "What's so funny?" I snap. Isn't it bad enough I have no social skills whatsoever as far as he's concerned? Looking at him, I scowl. God damn him for being good-looking when he laughs. He gasps and words keep coming out in little shallow breaths. "Sorry…not you…just that…no…ever…says that." He breathes in deeply and resumes. "It's kind of refreshing to hear that from someone over the age of ten. "

"Thanks…I think." I grumble. Flattering as it may be that I've made his Royal Sexiness laugh, the result's taken a few hits at my ego.

I leave the room and through the glass in the waiting room's door panes I see most if not all of my female compatriots sit up a little straighter or else apply just a bit more make-up. I turn back to look at the good doctor/dentist at the sound of my name. "Well, I hope to see you again, Serena. It's been a pleasure." He says an animated look in his eyes as he leaves.

Why does that sound so inviting?

The sound of the receptionist violently plunking the clipboard and form from earlier on the counter breaks me out of my reverie and I sign absent-mindedly, watching her purse her lips in disapproval. Mina and Raye suddenly appear at my sides like twin bodyguards. "What's up?" They ask with eager curiosity. "Oh, nothing really," I mumble, pulling a chapstick from my purse and dabbing it on. "I just think I might come back in a couple weeks." Or days, whenever's available.

Note to self: See if Dr. Shields practices medicine too.


End file.

Sailor Moon, Humor