Naruto A day in the life of a Serial Pervert

**I do not own Naruto. So there!**

**This takes place during Shippuuden so don't blame me if you see something you didn't want to. I warned you.**

"JIRAIYA!!" The wooden wall fell flat to the deck as a near naked Tsunada came barreling out of the bath after the man in question.

"Tsunade...hahaha... I didn't know you'd be here today. What brings you to the public bathhouses?" He smiled gamely at her then turned, running as she started lifting her foot. He jumped the outer fence just as the ground began to break underneath him.

"And STAY OUT!!" he heard her shout as he cleared the woods and headed back into the village proper.

_"Well, so much for that," _he thought as he moved to the barbecue stand on the main road. Asuma Sarutobi sat with much taller version of the Shikamaru Nara he'd last seen before leaving on his training with Naruto. The boy had grown and was obviously doing well in his new station. _"Good for you, kid," _he thought as he settled into a seat at the bar and ordered.

The sounds and faces of Konoha were one's he really missed when he went on extended trips. The older he got the more he realized he really needed to settle down and make something of a life somewhere. Being a traveling hermit was getting old. Even if it was entertaining. And as much as he loved caring for his home by gathering information, he was starting to want a settled life.

Okay, in the next ten years he was thinking about a settled life.

Okay maybe never but he really _needed_ to think about it. Who knew what would happen tomorrow?

The sounds of a cleared throat turned his head. Shizune, student and general slave to Tsunade was standing with her hands on her hip and a frown on her face.

"Hello, Shizune." He smiled brightly at her. She just shook her head.

"You're really pressing your luck. One day the girls are going to rebel." Her lips tipped up and he watched as she ruthlessly turned them down again.

"Nah. The ladies LOVE me!" He grinned.

She shook her head as she turned to go and threw back over her shoulder, "If I were you, I'd eat fast."

His food arrived and he settled into eating and listening to the random conversation. Naruto was on a mission. Tsunada was most likely combing the streets for him but there were a lot of streets. Despite Shizune's dire prediction he felt he had time to relax and enjoy the relatively mundane discussion around him. One of Asuma's students walked in to join them and Jiraiya could have sworn he heard the man whimper as the larger boy sat at the table and ordered. He heard the kids running past and the screaching calls for one to catch up followed by a loud crash and a lot of yelling from one of the street vendors. It was a beautiful day in Konoha.

"Master Jiraiya." He turned to see Kakashi walking up to the bar. "Good to see you."

"Kakashi Hatake, it's good to be seen." He lifted his chopsticks and downed half the contents of the bowl before turning back to a now seated Kakashi.

Kakashi ordered a bottle of sake and both men sat in silence and drank as the sounds of the village buzzed around them. Jiraiya was just lifting his refilled cup to his lips when Kakashi moved in close and settled an arm on his shoulder. He turned his head only to bump noses with the younger man. His eyes bugged out of his head as he back pedaled a little to gain some space. Kakashi followed at an alarming rate.

"I have to have the next book! You can't keep me waiting. You've been here for weeks and not written a thing. I need another action packed romance to fill my lonely nights! Please! PLEASE!"

People started to look there way. Jiraiya pushed at him with mild force and managed to gain a minimal amount of ground.

"Will you be quiet?" he whispered in conspiratorial tones. "If everyone knew I wrote those books there would be a riot."

"But...," Kakashi started.

Suddenly the ground shook and there was an upheaval in the road. Dirt sprayed in every direction.

"JIRAIYA! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!" Tsunada had found him.

He pushed a pleading Kakashi to the floor and took off out the back. He looked around just in time to see the young ninja get stuck with the bill and Tsunada come around the front entrance with murderous intent.

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

The far south hot baths were a peaceful place. He remember meeting Naruto here as he was being trained by that twit in the glasses. What had his name been? No matter. He'd not understood the potential he'd had in his tutelage and he'd been a prig anyway. A young blond stood in the steaming water of the bath. From his peep hole he could see the luscious curves and the water dripping from her skin. A thousand lines to go with that body came to mind and he thought he might be able to come through for Kakashi after all. He giggled a little as a brunette stood next to the blond beauty and they began to wash one another. Sweat poured down his back and he started breathing heavy. Scene after scene wrote itself in his head... then both girls turned. He blinked as the mist began to clear and another figure came into view. This one wrapped in metal mesh and smiling viciously as she stretched out over a side bench. He ogled all three women with drool running down his chin. At least, until he noticed the blond and brunette were looking horrified and Anko was grinning from ear to ear. She turned her head and winked at him before kicking her feet up and standing to get in the bath. He eyed the see through mesh and licked his lips as another thought came to him, only to be interrupted by the entrance of a small lithe figure in black robes. Shizune looked around before zeroing in on where the other girls were staring and shaking her head in apparent disgust. Her entrance was followed by the sounds of the Hokage stomping into the bath. He didn't wait to see if anyone would rat him out, instead taking off for the trees behind the rock face and the relative cover they provided. _"So much for this afternoons research." _He huffed as he pulled out a small scroll and decided to head for home.

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

Home was an apartment on the outskirts of the east village. Small but cozy, he only stayed here on extended visits. It was registered under a pseudo name. Only a few people knew it was here. Even less knew it was his. He kept it because it was needed and because Konoha was home.

He opened the door and tossed his scroll and pen on the small desk then stripped out of his tunic. The sun was slowly setting. He'd have to go out early tomorrow if he wanted to avoid Tsunade. Luckily, the hokaga didn't know where he lived. So, stretching and rubbed his scarred chest, he settled himself on the bed, arms under his spiky hair. He began running scenarios through his head. Specifically of a blond and brunette with wandering hands.

The knock on the door pulled him from his wayward thoughts.

"Come." He rolled to his side to greet whomever had come calling, and to prepare to fight if it wasn't friendly.

The door slid open and he froze.

"Oh God, she's found me!" He jumped off the bed and reached for his tunic. Light feminine laughter rolled from the door.

"No, she's given up for the day. And if you're lucky she'll be so busy tomorrow she won't remember."

He relaxed and tossed the tunic back on the bed. "Must be my lucky day. Come on in Shizune."

The young woman closed the door behind her as she stepped farther into the room, her hands clasped in front of her. "You really should be more careful. She has no tolerance for your..." she seemed to think for a moment before smirking, "... your questionable activities."

Jiraiya pouted as he dropped into the bed once more. "It's not questionable. It's research. You think these books write themselves?" He resumed his relaxed posture on the bed as Shizune moved into the room. When she was standing at the foot of the bed, she sighed.

"This isn't working." Her hands moved to her sides then were tossed up in a frustrated gesture.

"What's wrong?" He sat up a little to watch her struggle with her words before she finally came out with it.

"This part. It's not working for me. The whole messenger bit. Can't we play something else?"

He tapped a finger on the bed before looking up with a smile. "We could do the cute little Genin seduces the uptight Jonin again?"

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You ALWAYS want to do that one. I want to do something different. Something... I don't know... mysterious."

She dropped down on the bed next to him and he pulled her into his lap. She really was fun. If Tsunade ever found out he'd be eating his own lungs.

"I know!" She jumped up and headed for the desk. Paper started flying in every direction.

"Wait! I have a system in place!" His cries went unheard and after another moment she came back with a letter and a smile.

"This one!" She handed him the letter and he opened it. Perusing the contents.

"I remember this one. The guy suggested men in masks were highly sensual. He even sent one. Looked familiar too." He looked up from the letter to Shizune's smiling face.

"Let's try that! I bet it would be fun! You can be the captor."

"But if my face it covered I can't kiss... you. You know how much I like to kiss... well, you." He liked kissing all the different "parts" of Shizune. He was back to pouting again.

"Oooooh, but..." her smile turned sly as she crawled back into the bed and pulled him into a kiss meant to end all discussion. Then topped if off with, "You can tie me u-up," she ended on a lilt dangling the sash of her robes in front of him.

Jiraiya's eyes glazed over and he fished around in the bedside drawer. "Where the hell did I put that mask."

o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0.o.0

**Hope you like it. Just wanted to see if I could write it.**


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Naruto, Humor