Merlin 1. Chapter 1

It hurt, so much… So much, she couldn't even scream her agony. She could feel tears burning trails down her cheeks and every breath shuddered through her, tearing her insides. She squeezed her eyes more tightly shut and willed, with every little bit of her being for it to end. It didn't, but as it continued she slowly began to get used to it. She had felt pain so many times before in her immortal life and just as before she was mentally accepting the feeling and forcing her way past it. She forced her eyes open, feeling as though thousands of stars were exploding within her head. She slowly became aware of her surroundings.

She was lying in a crumbled heap on the stone floor of her throne room. She wondered, briefly, how she had gotten there before being brutally assaulted by the memories of everything that had happened. How was she still here? She should no longer exist, not after what Merlin and that foul traitorous skite had done to her. She lay there for a while more, staring up at the high ceiling, whether for hours, days, or years she didn't know, before forcing herself up onto her feet, though it felt as if she were being ripped apart.

Slowly, one step after another, she made her way to her seeing crystals. Slumping against the crude pedestal, she reached out a shaking hand, finger tips brushing against one of the amber crystals, bringing it to life. She watched it intently, though the light stabbed into her eyes. The crystal tracked across the realm of man following her mind's directions.

She could find no trace of her sister or the Rock King, even the Lord of Fire seemed to have vanished. She was the last of the elemental rulers… Somehow she had managed to cling to her existence, but her brethren had disappeared. Most of her people seemed had disappeared with them, but a few had managed to survive. It looked like they had hidden in the sacred places of the old ways, barely being sustained by the weakened magic that lingered there. The important thing though was that they lived, that she lived. She had not yet failed them, there was still hope. She had to find a way to fix this. Yet all her plans thus far had failed miserably, she needed a new approach.

First, however, she needed to figure out how she had managed to survive. She turned again to her crystals, with that question firmly in mind, willing them to give her some sort of clue to answer it. Images flashed before her, desecrations of her sacred places, people being burned, staked, crucified alive, talk of witchcraft and satan… The Christians' hatred of her and the old ways had prevented them from being forgotten completely. If the situation were not so dire, she would have laughed at the irony. That also explained the agony she was in, after all if one is only sustain by the hatred of others; their existence could only be filled with pain. But could she work with hatred? How could she possibly hope to bend it round in time?

Surely there were still a few people who still had some sort of positive feelings towards the old ways. She searched for such a person desperately in her crystals and was taken completely by surprise by the person she saw.

"Merlin…" She whispered reactively, her voice even more raspy and quiet than usual as the word tore itself up and out of her throat. She frowned. This made no sense. If he had any sort of good feeling towards her, why had he worked so long and hard to destroy her? She watched him closely. He was much older now, a testament of how long she'd been out of contact with the world, and looked worn and world weary. And, he was telling a story to a group made up of mostly children. She listened closer when she heard him mention the old ways.

_… the followers of the old ways cried out in agony. They cried out for the one being that could save them; Queen Mab. She was the very powerful Queen of Magik and the Elemantal Ruler of air and darkness, and she heard their desperate cries for help. She devised a plan to save them and went to her sister for help, for this plan would require a great deal of power and it was very risky to attempt it all by herself. Her sister was the Lady of the Lake and they were complete opposites in many ways. While Mab controlled the air and darkness, her sister had dominion over water and light. They had been at odds with one another for a very long time. I don't know how it started, neither of them ever confided much to me, but the rift was large. Mab hoped that the threat to their very existence would be enough to bridge it, but it was not. Her sister refused to help so Mab was forced to continue alone. She wanted to create a great leader for the people. Some one who was powerful and understood the old ways but was also part human and would be able to relate to her followers. She wasted no time in bringing this person to life, though her right-hand gnome, Frik, advised her to wait and save up her strength. That is how my mother came to bear me._

She slipped to the floor, her legs refusing to hold her up any longer, and the crystal went dark and quiet. She sat there, leaning against the pedestal, letting his words play over in her mind. It wasn't long before she began to pin point things he had left out. She'd nearly destroyed herself impregnating that mortal woman he called his mother. She had barely recovered by the time he had been born. He also apparently still hadn't realized just how much her sister had used and manipulated him. Yet, he had some sort of good feeling towards her, or the crystal wouldn't have shown him to her. For some reason that seemed to be very important…

She sighed, angry with herself for caring what he thought of her, frustrated with being in this horrible situation, and fed-up with the intense still cursing through her body. She closed her eyes, frowning, and tried to form some sort of course of action to take now, but almost as soon as she closed her eyes she blacked out. Her body, now limp, slid the rest of the way down to the floor and off the bottom of the pedestal where she lay as her body, mind, and soul continued to recover from near nonexistence.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Sorry it's taking me so long to update my stories… But I'm horrible like that, so you'll have to get used to it. I do intend to continue this story, it'll just take awhile. Hope you like this installment, it'll have to tide you over for quite awhile most likely. Remember to R&R, it might motivate me to write more sooner rather than later._

She ached. There was no part of her that was not throbbing painfully, and there was something sharp jabbing into the back of her neck. She rolled away from it, before slowly opening her eyes. She took in the crystalled walls around her, before turning back to see what she had been laying on. The pedestal of her seeing crystals was behind her, she assumed one of the edges must have been the cause of her added discomfort.

Slowly she got to her feet and stumbled, falling against the pedestal. As she made contact with it, the crystals all flared to life, and Merlin's voice boomed into the chamber, reverberating on the walls.

_It was very strange, and yet it wasn't. Half of me felt this was the most natural thing in the world. That feeling inside was growing stronger and stronger… I was coming home. But the other half of me was terrified of leaving everything I'd ever known behind. I wondered if I'd ever see Ambrosia or Nimue again and I feared the unknown that awaited me. Sir Rupert, of course, was unphased by the turmoil within me and carried me calmly to the lakeshore where an empty boat awaited to take me to my new life._

_I met Frik for the first time then, as the little boat passed from the realm of man into the realm of magik, the two realms were much closer together in those days. Frik was a character. He enjoyed playing different roles when ever possible. When I first met him, he had assumed the part of a crusty old seadog so as to be better equipped to steer the boat to Queen Mab's castle._

_My first view of the realm of magik was that of a magnificent underground cavern of giant proportions, which made the hundreds of fairies flitting around in it seem that much smaller. Mab's castle, though, was the most spectacular sight of all. Formed out of the cave rock, it stood taller than any tree I'd ever seen and I'd seen quite a few as I'd lived in the forest. I'd never seen anything like it. It was amazingly beautiful. Four massive columns framed the entrance where a figure slowly emerged as we got closer._

_My first impression of Mab was that she must have been the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen but her cold hard eyes chilled me and brought all my doubts and fears to the forefront of my mind. I preferred Nimue's warm humanly beauty. She told me that I had come to save them. Her voice was unlike anything I'd ever heard before, a quiet raspy whisper that somehow echoed throughout the entire cave._

_She set me to work almost immediately, with Frik as my teacher. I studied day and night, learned of those unseen forces that hold this world together. Learned the secrets of other worlds that exist beneath the surface and behind the mirrors. I worked hard to do what Frik asked of me, but my heart wasn't in it. I didn't like this strange power I felt inside me, and as it grew, it frightened me. I was afraid of what I could do with it. I thought it wasn't right or safe for a person to have such power. And I missed my home. I missed Ambrosia and Nimue. And I didn't like being confined to Mab's castle. I didn't like being told what I could or couldn't do. I didn't like being told that this was my destiny and I had no choice in the matter. That I have come to understand is one of the great contradictions of human nature. We desire a purpose for our life and yet we desire freewill. It was something Mab couldn't understand, but her sister did._

_The Lady of the Lake came to me one evening when I was hiding from Frik and feeling sorry for myself. She told me that Ambrosia was very ill and accidentally told me that Mab had killed my mother. I was angry and worried for Ambrosia. I begged the Lady of the Lake to help me escape from Mab's castle and get across the lake so that I could go to Ambrosia. And so I ran away from the realm of magik and my supposed destiny. In a way, it was that act that set the course my life would then follow… What would cause the following chain of events that would set Mab and me truly at odds._

Mab stumbled back clutching her head, as Merlin's voice continued to echo through the room. How could he yet be so stupid? Her sister had used him! It was so obvious and yet he still only saw the two of them as the only players in the game. Her sister had played her like a lute as well. Mab had been desperate and her sister had counted on that to make her more short tempered than usually. Counted on her desperation to make her act first without thinking the act through, to make it impossible for her to get through to Merlin as she so needed to.

She had never really understood just how deep her sister's hatred of her was until she was standing in Camelot begging Merlin not to forget her. Her sister was confined to the water, unknown to most of the world, and had no other realm to run to if she grew fed up with man. Of course she envied her darker sister and over the countless years it had hardened and grew to hate. And ultimately it was her undoing. She had been she eager to hurt Mab as much as possible that she didn't care if it destroyed her too.

It's funny really… Mab was queen of darkness, the one believed to be evil, the one hated and attacked, and yet it had really been the Lady of the Lake who had been the source of all the trouble, the one filled with hatred, the one trying to destroy. Perhaps it was time to set the record straight?

Mab straightened up, ignoring the throbbing pain in her head and sharp aches in her limbs, and started to take careful steps out of the chamber. It took quite a long time to finally reach her destination, but she had been determined to get her plan set in motion. It would take time, progress would be slow, for she was too weak yet to do much… But perhaps that would turn out to be a blessing. After all the direct, all out approach had failed her.

She watched the scene in front of her, hidden behind one of the trees she had created so long ago. A much aged Nimue sat before her, doing something with fabric… Weaving it, sewing it? Mab wasn't sure, nor did she really care. She had warned Nimue that she would never leave this place should she enter it, but keeping her here had done no good to anyone. One side had to make the first gesture, and since Merlin was completely oblivious to what was going on (as usual), she would have to be the one to make it. She looked beyond Nimue, beyond the illusion, all the way back to where the cave opening had been sealed. She concentrated hard, sweat beginning to bead on her forehead, and slowly the rock began to move back. This was so much harder than she remembered it being, but she guessed that was to be expected.

As the grating of the rocks got louder and louder, Nimue stood, hope plainly written on her face. She took slow steps forward, as though afraid her hopes were unfounded, but as sun light began streaming through the cracks being made, she gave a cry of joy and rushed forward. Mab had fallen to her knees by this point, unable to stand any longer, but she did not cease, she had to finish this.

"A little more, just a little more…" She panted to herself, as sun light rushed into the cavern illuminating her illusion for what it really was. Then there was a mighty crack and it was done. Mab collapsed against the tree, exhausted, and watched Nimue's reaction with an odd mix of fascination and curious detachment.

Nimue stood, basking in the sunlight she hadn't felt in so long, happy tears streaming freely down her face. After many minutes of just taking in this miracle, she wiped her eyes and stepped forward, back into her world. She wondered what had become of Merlin, what he was doing now. She remembered that he had lived in this forest when she had first met him, perhaps he still did. She set out to find the charming improvised hut she remembered. If nothing else it would be a place she could stay and in a way be close to him even if he was no longer there.

Mab watched Nimue leave, knowing exactly where she planned to go. Nimue had always been so easy to predict… She laughed, lightly at this, finding it more amusing than it really was in her exhaustion. She made herself comfortable against the tree and allowed herself to rest. She deserved it after all and she would need to recover more of her strength for the next step of her plan, one that would probably prove to be more difficult than it should be… but then Frik had always made things more complicated than necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter took me forever to write, it kept going in weird directions so I kept redoing it. I've finally come up with something I'm satisfied with. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for the long wait.**

Mab turned to the left, examining her appearance in the mirror. She frowned at her reflection, she'd always thought that Morgan La Fey's illusory beauty had been overly showy and garish, but then again this wasn't about her. This was about Frik and getting him to go back to Tintagel castle where he would meet an old friend. Still frowning, she readjusted the flashy roman styled dress on her shoulders. She wasn't completely comfortable tricking Frik like this but it was necessary. She slipped her feet into the delicate sandals she had conjured and squared her shoulders, stealing herself to enter the realm of man after so long.

After a moment in wonderful dark silence, she flickered in behind a humble stone hut near a bustling market street. She carefully watched the crowd, hidden behind the wall, watching for one particular individual. There he was! She waited until he turned in her direction before stepping out and waving at him before hiding again. She watched as his face became confused and he made his way through the throng of people toward her hiding place. She poked her head out, so he would see her, and smiled sweetly at him. His eyes widened and he ran towards her. She turned and began to lead him away from the hustle and bustle of the town and toward the road to Tintagel. She was careful to never let him get too long of a glimpse of her, weaving through buildings and people.

It was more difficult once they reached the open road. She sprinted from tree to tree, occasionally pausing to let Frik catch up, he was getting on in years after all. She didn't intend to lead him all the way though, soon Tintagel would come into sight. Once the old Castle loomed in the distance she stopped and turned to watch Frik hurrying towards her. She smiled again, beckoning him forward. She gestured towards the castle behind her as he drew closer.

"Go home, my love." She called to him in Morgan's voice, feeling thoroughly disgusted with herself. Then, just as he reached her she sprinted off again, quickly leaving him behind and as soon as she was sure she was out of sight she flashed back home.

She collapsed onto her throne, having reverted to her usually self, exhausted by all that running and magic use. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the wood's embrace. She was indulging in a moment of pure self-loathing. Honestly, hadn't she done more than enough to Frik? Granted the annoying little git could never leave well enough alone, but he really didn't deserve everything she had put him through. When this was finished, she would have to remember to apologize even if such a gesture would be far too little much too late.

She sighed and opened her eyes. She didn't have the time to let herself stew in it. She now had to go deal with Sir Rupert and as much as she loved that horse (having created him as well) she was not looking forward to the discussion they would inevitably end up having. She knew everything he would have to say to her and his stating all of it would change nothing so there was really no point for him to say anything, but he'd still say it all the same. He enjoyed playing the wise advisor and passing judgment on others' actions. Plus he was a cynic and what cynic would ever pass up the opportunity of having a go at the mess she had made of her life. She sighed again, before getting back up. Best get it done with. Besides she needed this done before Frik managed to get there and Rupert could be terribly long-winded.

She flickered into a large pasture enclosed by a crude log fence and felt her feet squish into the ground. Looking down in trepidation she found that she was indeed standing in a small pile of horse dung. What a fantastic way to start off this visit. She quickly stepped out of it and cleaned off her shoes, before taking a proper look round. She couldn't see Rupert, but she knew this was where he was being kept, caught by some human who had no idea what he was or what to do with him. She gave a shrill whistle, the sound echoing oddly from her lips. There was a pounding of hooves to her right and turning she saw the beautiful grey trotting towards her.

"My lady," he bent his front legs as he came to stand before her in an equine version of a bow. "This is a pleasant surprise."

"Unfortunately Rupert I don't have time to exchange pleasantries with you or reminisce. Frik is heading this way and I need him to find you once he arrives." Mab hissed quickly, stepping forward and reaching up to gently pet his neck.

"That odd fellow? And what would you have me do once I've managed to get his attention?" Rupert turned his head to look at her, eyes half lidded from her ministrations.

"I've let Nimue out… she's gone to Ambrosia's old hut. I want you to make sure Frik finds her so he will then set out to find Merlin to tell him of it."

"You always did have to have such complicated plans." Rupert chuckled. "Why not merely go to Merlin yourself?" Mab sighed and rolled her eyes at this.

"You know perfectly well how he would react to that. No, best if I approach him only after he's been reunited with his lady love." Rubert looked thoughtful at this.

"Yes, you do have a point. Merlin always did act with his heart rather than his head." Rupert smiled fondly, no doubt remembering some of those times.

"You miss him." It was a statement not a question. Mab had hoped the two would bond when she paired them together, but she now felt guilty about that decision.

"Yes I do. He wasn't the most intelligent lad, but he was a good sort."

"It must have been hard for you… to choose between us. I'm sorry you I placed you in that position." And she was, because she knew how it must have hurt him to see them both suffering at the hands of the other and be torn between his loyalties to them both.

"You couldn't have for seen how events would play out. I tried to dissuade Merlin a number of times, but part of him always thought of me as just a horse and he tended not to take my advice. I hope all that is over now though, and this new plan you obviously have will be different."

"Yes, well, I should have at least realized what my sister was up to. I hope it's all over too." She paused, looking at him with a curious expression on her face. "You know, this is not how I had anticipated this conversation going." Rupert looked amused at this.

"Worried I was going to give you a right proper dressing down on all your past sins?" He asked shrewdly.

"Yes, something like that." Mab admitted, smiling slightly at his obvious amusement.

"I doubt that that would have been anything other than a waste of our time. What's done is done, and you have a plan for the future. I see little need for a lecture."

"Oh I have missed you Rupert." Mab spoke sincerely, she had missed him.

"Likewise, my queen. Perhaps when this business is done we might catch up on old times together."

"I'd like that." She smiled again, Rupert always could lighten her mood. When he wasn't lecturing her like a naughty three-old, that is. "I must be going now… things to do. Keep an eye out for Frik."

"I will do as my lady bids me." And they parted with a congenial nod, Mab to her subterranean castle and Rubert to the other side of the pasture to better watch for Frik.


End file.

Merlin, Fantasy