Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary

Wow that sounds such a cliché, doesn't it? No..not diary, you need more personality than that…hmm..how about Bill..eww..no, it sounds like I am talking to some middle aged, post man in trousers _(don't ask where I got that)_. How about jack…no way.! Boy, I am so bad at naming things, I once had a cat named pussy, no wonder it threw herself under the bus!

Okay, now I am getting sidetracked, I tend to do that a lot. Dear what ever you name is ; by this time you probably must have gotten a pretty good impression of what kind of girl I am! Yep I am that girl in the class, who seem shy and introvert on outside but completely insane inside**, I am** Hogwarts own freak named Lilly Evans.

It's not like I try to be weird, it's just comes naturally. you see, I have a little tendency to be hmm…clumsy, for I am extremely absentminded and I fall at least 2 times a week, but unfortunately, its not the worst part, when I fall I tend to bring others down with me too. So you could imagine why peoples don't want to hang around me so much.

Poor Abi, she seems to the only one who could handle my everyday insanity. Abigale, she is my roommate and she is really nice to me, so despite the fact that she hangs around with her friends, I consider her, my best friend.

I know what you are thinking , "what a loser", isn't it… but let me tell you, I may be a loser, but I am not stupid. I always get the top grades, I follow rules and I am adored by my teacher. If you think that is not the criteria for not being a loser, then SUCK IT….!

Look…I didn't mean to shout..it just that, I am talking to a book! Seriously a girl can get pretty frustrated if she is desperate enough to talk to a book… Ok..Sidetracking again, tell me when I does that, if not, you will be finished sooner than necessary. So where was I , ah..The incredible life of Lilly Evans..!

If my life wasn't pathetic enough for you, I have one more factor to add and that is the saddest part of all. Dear xxx _(I decided to call you that until I find you a suitable name)_ I am in love!

Most girls would have been thrilled to find themselves in love, but not me. For me it's the worst thing that could have happened to me, why you ask? Because, I am in love with James potter!

Ahh..James.. He is the most amazing…brilliant…intelligent…good-looking and the funniest guy in this whole wide world. Just thinking about him makes me giddy.. Hmm... and I could defiantly spent a eternity thinking about him..

it would have worked out great, if not for the small glitch in my love story..the said James don't even know I exist. Ok, maybe he does, but in a "oh- the – weird- girl- in-class- who- I- wouldn't – even- touch- with- a- 10foot-pole-" kind of way.

Yeah he is a Quiditch star, the most popular guy in the school, got amazing looks, brilliant in everything he does and in no way in hell, he would date someone like me, but hey…a girl can hope, can't she? I mean, I can't help it, every time he walks by, my heart flutters and a delicious shiver pass through my spine and oh, that smile, a girl could die for a smile like that…you know it's the only reason I go to quiditch matches, when he get of his broom with that wild hair and that victory grin..i literally melt to a goo, everytime_..(may be that why, I never understood the game, I never see what the others does)_

If you think that is worse, then I have more, I think I may actually stalk him too. I mean, I am taking every class he is taking, even though I hate arithematry and transfigaration, I wake up early every day so that I could have breakfast with him _(more like in the same room, he will kill himself before he eats with me)_ and I give up free periods so that I could watch him and his friends under the beach tree.. do you think it's creepy?

Yeah, you probably would, but let me make one think clear, I may be a loser and I may even be a little creepy, but what I am not a bimbo like the other members of fan club.. you see, because of the above mentioned qualities of James, I am not the only one who is in love with him, there is half of Hogwart's female population is _(the other half is for Sirius) and_ they made themselves a club and that is just stupid, I mean, how could a group of girl make a club to date him, for, in the end, who will?

But then again, they have more chances to date him than I do. You see…They are all the same, with long legs, big boobs, blonde hair and are willing to do anything to get inside James's pants and **that,** apparently is enough to get his attention. Every fortnight he and his friend Sirius will choose a girl form their respective fan club as their girlfriend for a week, it's disgusting…well, at least to me it is, as neither he or nor the girls are complaining.

Anyway..I think that enough of ramblings for one day, besides, one of my evil roommate is cursing me to welcome to the insane mind of Lilly Evans, you would be hearing a lot from me over the months_(mainly because I have no one to talk to, I know, pathetic) _as i throw temper tantrums, whining and dreaming about James and maybe even creeping you out. If you don't like it…sorry pal, you have no choice!

Yey morning, I love mornings as long as I get to sleep late, so yey noon would have been a more appropriate greeting. Anyway, today was one of those days which have brightness written all over it, but unfortunately nobody in 6th year could enjoy it, why? Because it was the last weekend before our final exams and everyone is busy studying including me. But I guess I have it better than many of my class mates as I have made my study hall in the 7th floor corridor, I always loved this place, it have widows that covered most of the wall and got a healthy breeze throughout the year, it was a perfect place to hang out!

So here I was walking around the corridor and studying the last chapters of charms when I suddenly bumped into a hard wall, that wasn't there a minute ago (I know what you are thinking, for a person who is as clumsy as me, shouldn't have walked around with my nose buried in book)

Confused and shocked I felt myself fell back unceremoniously.

I heard someone swear loudly and I looked up to see the love of my life, fuming out his head.

" what the hell, you stupid blind ass" he yelled angrily, massaging his chest

Ouch, that was painful

I scrambled up quickly with my face red with embarrassment. To think, with four boys before me atleast one have enough manners to help a girl up!

"sorry" I said quietly, looking down a to my books

"sorry..! thats the word I heard enough, seriously girl, don't you have eyes on that humoungous face of yours" Sirius yelled angrily

I glared at him angrily, ok, why is getting so anal about it, it's not like I bumped into him!

"now move over girl, we have better things to do than play bumbercars with you" james snapped as he try to push past me

"my name is not girl, it's lilly" I said softly, even though I was angry at him for being rude, I just didn't had the heart to yell at him

To this he actually laughed and not it a good jolly type of laugh but a cruel sarcastic one

"I don't care what your name is, hell I don't care you exit, but what I do care is that you are constantly around and bumping into us at every corner, can't you take a hint and leave us alone" he sneered cruelly as he came dangerously close and talked slowly as though I am retarded

I felt like my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach. I know, I mean nothing to him but does he have to be so blunt…so cruel

"come on james, we have to go, lets not waste our time on this one" Sirius said impatiently as he pulled him forward

"she is such a freak " I heard Sirius mutter as they walk away and before they disappeared I saw james nodding to that

Pain weighed me down like a ton of bricks, why-oh-why did I had to fall for him of all the people in the school. He didn't even consider me as a flilth in his and here I was head over heels for him…god could this get any worse.

I was still in deep though as I turned to go back to common room when one again I bumped hard. This time when I looked up it was Remus, the 3rd marauder (he must have sneaked back here from his friends)

"now, that is not my fault" I said defensively, really how would I know, he come back

For a second, an amused smile passed his lips, but it was quickly masked by a scowl. I suppressed a sign inside me, I don't know what it is, but it's like a rule for the marauder's to hate me.

"Evans, (_at least __**he**__ knows my name)_ you should really stay away from them, take this as a warning, because the next time you cross them, you will be in big trouble" he said in threatening voice, it took all my strength, not to shiver at the menace of his voice.

"honestly Lupin _(I was in strict last names bases with the marauders, one time I called Sirius by his last causing him to scream badly murder for half an hour)_ I am not doing this on purpose, guess I am naturally clumsy and you guys are just unfortunate enough to cross my way" I said helplessly

Again his eyes softened in amusement "just try to stay away from them Evans, it's for the best, believe me" he said with a sigh and walked away

I watched him go with a deafed breath, honestly I don't know how I end up in situations like this, its not like I don't know its unhealthy and I really need to stay away form him, but its hard, especially when I am planning our wedding in my head…god help me!

If I had hoped things would be better, I certainly was wrong, the 6th year exams came hard on us and we were like chicken in a slaughter house. It was excruciating, both mentally and physically. I was so busy that I didn't even notice if it was day or night, the books and notes became my pillow and you guess it, the library became my bedroom. Now contrary to popular believes, I hate library, don't get me wrong, I love the books but to think, copped up it that dusty place, sitting up and reading one of my books, it was horrible. When I read, I need room to breathe, to stretch my back and a place to fall asleep when tired…

After some long difficult weeks, my exams finished, I don't know how I did it, because I hate to review once the paper has finished. The train back home wasn't until day after tomorrow so it gave me ample time to relax and read one of my favorite books…

Relaxation was a tricky thing..did you ever get a feeling, when during exams you long for a minute of relaxation and when you finally get enough, it seem overrated! Hmm…I seem to be rambling again aren't I ? I can't help it, when I talk, I talk a lot, but it would have been helpful ,if I could talk even a little in front of james. Just like I said, life is a tricky thing…

In all my rambling, I think I am loosing myself again, it's seems crazy even to me that I am talking to a book, I just can't get the feeling out of my head, maybe if I give you a proper name, I would feel better…

I was busy thinking about all the possible names for my book when I felt some one beside me and greet me with a hello.

"hi," I said back carelessly without looking up. You see, only 2 kinds of people ever say hello to me, one, who wants to borrow homework form me and others, those poor idiots who are stuck with and have an attitude of "god-i-have-to-say-something-or-it would-awkward". So either way I wasn't that interested.

"what are you doing" asked the voice, somewhere above me.

"thinking a name for my friend" I said back without a thought, when I am cosentrating on something

"huh.." said the voice again, showing no signs of leaving. I was irritated, and wanted to be left alone so I looked up to shoo him away when I was met with a pair of hazel eyes, I knew those eyes from every as it belonged to one and only james potter

"thinking a name for a friend! That doesn't make any sence" he said as a statement as he sat before me

I groaned inwardly, for the first time in 6 years James have ever talked to me and I replied with the most bizarre sentence in the world…god I am such an idiot, why can't the earth split and I go down with it!

"hey…you are spacing out again" he snapped, waving his hands before me, snapping myself to reality

"What are you doing here" I asked, unable to keep my surprise and exictment away from my voice

"I wanted to ask you something" he said lazily with a smirk

Please make him ask me for a date, better yet make him ask me to marry him, I chanted moronically in my head as I looked questionly back with a polite interest.

"It's about our annual project" he began and my heart dropped in disappointment, of couse the stupid project, every year 5 of us would work on 5 subjects for the extra credits

"what subject, you want this year, I choose transfiguration, and Emily took herbiology, you could take either charms or portions" he said shortly

"I think I like charms" I said in a voice barely above a whisper, why is that I could go on and on about the craziest things in my book and I could string 2 words in front of him.

"I think you should take portions, frank wanted the charms and as far as I know you don't suck at portions" he said arrogantly

"ok," I said softly once again, it hurt me that he didn't thing my opinon matter but I was too lost in his eyes to protest.

"err…" he stalled as he looked around uncomfortable, but then some inspiration seemed to have hit for he looked back at me with a renewed vigour.

"er..how did the exams go" he asked abrubly and this time I was truly surprised, is he actually trying to have small talk with me?

"it..it..was good" I stammered stupidly, I don't know why, but for the love of god, I couldn't find my voice.

"hmm.. are you taking new classes next year" he asked souding like he too was struggling to keep the conversation going.

"no…7 is more than enough to keep me awake at night" I tried to joke but in my nervouseness my laugh came out like a hyena. This was going as bad as it could get.

We had few more of such painful conversations, but I didn't care, as long as he was there and I get to talk to him I die a happy girl.

"well bye then, see you tomorrow" he said at last as he stood up and went upstairs without even stopping for my replay, if I thought it was suspicious I didn't notice it, how can I? the love of my life just talked to me willingly without any cursing or yelling, hell, I wouldn't have notice if the room went a blaze.

That night, I slept like a baby with the biggest smile on my face, oblivious to the fact that good things always comes with a price….a price I was too weak to pay…


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: hey guys, I am back. All the characters in this story belongs to J.k. Rowling, although I wish I could have James ;). Anyway please let me know what you think of the story…pleeeese review…._

_Did you ever get the feeling that today was not your day? Well, I got that feeling on that morning and oh boy! Was that the understatement of the year?_

The moment I woke up, my whole body was filled with a feeling of dread, its like it was trying to tell me something. I was confused to say the least, usually, I was not a intuitive person _(hell if I was, I wouldn't be what I am, would i?) _but that day, everything in me screamed to stay put, pleaded me not to get up from my bed and face the day. I tried to shake the feeling, I tried to focus on good things, like last night, James actually talked to me, doesn't that count for something?

Of course, It wasn't really an option on my part to listen to my inner voice, as it was the last day of the class and missing them wasn't a cleaver thing to do. So as always, I took a bath, got my books ready and went downstairs to face my day

They say, you won't know when disaster hit, but in my case I saw exactly how it went. I saw it, the moment I walked into common room that day, I saw it in the eyes of my class mates as they sneered at me! At first I didn't care that much, but as I walked outside, everybody was practically laughing at me. I didn't understand what was funny, I discreetly checked myself in the mirror but there wasn't anything that seemed embarrassing, then why the hell are they laughing for?

"Hey Evan, I always thought you, as a freak, but it's good to know that you think so too" called a boy as I walked into the corridor. I was confused and hurt; I didn't even know the boy, they why the hell is he insulting me for?

I didn't walk that far, before another person confronted me, this time it was Susan Burke (one of the girl in the James club) and god, was she mad?

"How dare you call me a bimbo, you freak.! You being jealous of my beauty do not give you the right to insult me. I swear to god, if you even think about something like that again I will destroy you" she all the but screamed at me and disappeared in the hallway

Now I was truly lost, I haven't even talked to the girl in the 6 years, let alone call her names, ok..may be I called her a bimbo, but only in my diary…

Just then a terrible premonition came to me along with a paper that had flow right into my feet; it took only a second for me to recognize it as a poster and what its contents were

THE INNER WORKING OF MS LILLY EVANS

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT GOING ON INSIDE THAT WEIRD GIRL EVAN'S HEAD? IF YES, THEN WONDER NO MORE….EVAN'S DIARY ON HER OWN HANDWRITING PUBLISHED IN GREAT HALL AT 8 O'CLOCK THIS MORNING…COME AND HAVE A BLAST

P.S: SPECIAL BOOK READING BY SIRIUS BLACK

I thought my world has collapsed around me as panic and grief gripped my entire body. My eyes were filling me up, and I think my legs were moving under me as I ran to the great hall. In the background I could hear people's laughter, their taunting and I was simply helpless against them

I don't know how long I ran before I reached the hall but once I did, I felt trapped, like some insane nightmare that I couldn't wake up from! It was sort of like a tunnel vision, when I saw my diary at the exact center of the room enlarged to a size of a door. There were people all around it, laughing in amusement, laughing at me!

I felt the earth had washed away and I was falling deep. the diary was everything, it contained every one of my secrets, my desires…it was everything that was me, I poured my heart out on that book and now every one was reading as though it is a joke…I felt naked around them..

I know I was slipping, but like a masochist I am, my brain continued to take everything in…out of corner of my eyes, I saw a group of students with Sirius in the middle

"oh…James…I love you so much…you are the most amazing person in the whole world….your hair..your eyes…I could die for a smile like yours…" Sirius read form my book in a high pitched voice as though imitating me earring a hearty laugh from everyone around him, including james

I felt I was going to throw up, as waves and waves of humiliation washed over my body. I wanted it to stop..i wanted the world to end before he utter another word

"oh…sweet James…I watch you every day..the way your hair flies in the air…" Sirius was still reading gleefully, when he suddenly stopped, as thought he just got a scent of a prey..his eyes sparkled in pleasure as he spotted me

"ha…look who finally arrived, it's the heroine herself" he said loudly as everyone turned to look at me to laugh. I was so utterly mortified that I stood rooted to the spot..i couldn't even move a muscle..

"Aww…will you look at that! She got lost in the james eyes again. Isn't that sweet..Lilly looooves potter" Sirius crooned.

Everybody laughed, James the hardest!

"now..evans, we know, not only your name but a whole lot of other things" peter quipped, as though he didn't want to left out of fun.

"no wonder I found you everywhere Evans, you were stalking me…usually I like girls having a crush on me, but yours is creepy and not to mention, I like my girls pretty" he mocked me as I felt a knife stabbing my heart painfully

My mind was getting numb, I heard all the taunts and snickers but my mind was not processing it, it was like it finally had enough and it was shutting down on itself.

My eyes were roaming the hall as thought looking for something, may be a straw of hope I could hold on to, but instead, my eyes fell on Remus, he wasn't laughing like the rest of them and there was ghost of sympathy in his features, but his eyes told the truth, it said that it was all my fault, that I brought this on myself..

my head was screaming, the unfairness of all this, hit me like a ton of brings…I felt crushed, humiliated and above all, I felt betrayed…this is why, he talked to me last night and I was so lost in his eyes that I didn't even notice him steal my book..God I was so stupid!

I don't know the exact point I broke..all I remember from that point on was, me running..i had no idea where I was going or what was going around me…but suddenly I found myself in the 7th floor corridor, Hogwarts itself seemed to have understood my helplessness for there was already a door waiting for me…without any hesitation I pushed it open to find my own home inside..my own sanctuary..

For the next few hours I found myself locked in my room, finally crying my eyes out, I didn't know which was worse, every body reading my diary or the fact that it was James who did it…but it didn't matter, because at the end of the day only one thing was proved, I was an idiot!

I seemed like an eternity before I could get my breath back and I heard a rustle outside my bed curtains

"Lilly" called a small voice from outside, I knew that voice and I found myself overwhelmed again

"Lilly, I know you are in there, I am coming in, alright" said Abi as she opened the curtains and came in to my bed

"girl, what have you done to yourself?" she asked concernedly as she came beside me and put her long arms around me for a hug.

I just couldn't speak, my throat was all closed up and I couldn't stop the sobs coming from me

"shuu…its ok..i know what happened, it wasn't fair..nobody deserved it.." she soothed me, rocking me back and forth in her arms…

We stayed there like that for the longest time, in her arms I felt safe, I felt peaceful!

"How did you find me?" I asked through my sobs

"I saw you ran off the great hall looking distort, so I guessed that you would be going to your favorite place and the room seemed to understand that you need a friend so it let me in" she said fondly, stroking my hair from my face.

Despite myself I smiled

"do you want to go back to our room" she asked after some time

I shook my head in panic; the thought of facing everyone again, caused my head to an overdrive

"You can't stay here forever Lilly, you have to face them sooner or later" she said kindly

"Please Abi, I don't want to see anyone, at least for now, pls...just let me stay here until the train tomorrow" I pleaded pathetically

Abi tried to argue but seeing me distort, she finally agreed

"'I am going to kill those guys" she said angrily as she saw my tears again

I knew she meant the marauders and I felt guilty, Abi was friends with them and I felt bad for being the reason for creating a wedge between them.

"I am sorry Abi, I never meant to make a drift between you guys, it just that I don't know what I did, to make them so angry at me" I said helplessly

"you didn't do anything Lilly" she said fiercely " they are just plain bastards that's all, they like to humiliate people and laugh at their expanse, you are just an innocent pawn at their twisted games, so don't you dare to blame yourself"

I felt overwhelmed, nobody had ever stood up for me before and her saying it's not my fault meant the world to me

"Lilly"she called me after a long time

"hmm"

"If I ask you something, would you do it for me?" she asked softly

"Anything" I answered without any hesitation, after what she had done for me today, I would do anything for her

"Just give him up" she said softly

I instantly saw what she was talking about and felt my heart drop

Give him up! The idea seemed foreign to me, even after all that happened, I honestly haven't thought about that course of action

Abi seemed to have sense my turmoil

"I know you love him, but dear, you are too good for him, he is nothing but a jerk...he doesn't care about others feeling and he defiantly doesn't care about you, so pls Lilly, for your sake, just let him go" she said in a fierce whisper

Somewhere in my mind, I knew this was true, but could I do it? Could I just forget about him and move on!

"Lilly, ever since you started fancying him, you had nothing but heartache, do you really want to spend the rest of your life pinning over someone who don't even consider you as a human being? He doesn't deserve your affection Lilly and god knows you don't deserve another heartbreak" she said, sadness dripping from her voice

Her words washed over me slowly, every word she said was true…he had been nothing but horrible to me. Ever since we first met, he had taunted me, humiliated me, called me names, hexed me and for what? Nothing...it was all a joke to him!

"Just think about it" she said as she rose from the bed " sleep on it, ok? I will pick you up tomorrow"

I nodded and watched her leave..That night I didn't sleep, I tossed and turned all night, thinking about what Abi said. She was right of course, there was no chance for me with James, I knew that all along but it was never an incentive for me to leave him. But now...after everything, would it really be fare to do that to myself?, would I really be willing to forget 6 years worth of obsession ?


	3. Chapter 3

I like to say, when I woke up the next day, I was fully resolved to leave him, but you, as well as I know, my life would never be that uncomplicated. The next morning wasn't much different from others, I was still attracted to James and I was pretty sure, I was still hopelessly in love with him but what** did** changed was the fact that, I didn't want to love him anymore. For years I have pinned for him, wished to be with him. But now, I didn't want to! And that seemed to have made all the difference. So that day when I woke up I was still not ready to forget him but I was at least determined to try!

The decision gave me an unnatural power, as though for the first time I am doing something for myself, as though I am taking the healthier choice. On that note, I got up from my bed and headed back to common room to meet Abi. She was still asleep in her bed and I lost no time to jump in and tackle her.

" what the #$ " she huffed in surprise as 130 pound me, bounced over her.

"My, you have a dirty mouth" I chucked as she blinked stupidly

"Lilly, you are up…I though i will have to drag you out of that room" Abi said obliviously surprised to see me here.

Instead of answering her I went and hugged her tightly. She was surprised, but hugged me anyways.

"what was that for" she asked smiling amusingly

"for being there for me" I said simply as I grinned from ear to ear.

"that's what I am here for" she smiled wickedly "unless you consider me as one of the bimbos you described

I laughed "well, if you remember the second paragraph of article number 2, I called you my best friend not a bimbo" I said sarcastically, ever since last night's epiphany I decided to take this whole incident as a joke, something close to my nightmare and far from my reality!

She chuckled at my tone "glad to hear it, now what's the plan?"

"Hmm..Pack and get ready for the train?" my answer came as a question

Abi looked like she was about to say something but didn't push it

Together we packed, but all the while I was in turmoil, I wanted to tell my decision to Abi, but saying that would make it real and I still wasn't sure I could go through with that.

The time was 9 and we were about to go out when I suddenly stopped

She looked around confused "Lilly, what is it"

"I thought about what you said yesterday" I began uncertainly

Her face was anxious in an instant; I could see her emotions were a mixture of dread and concerns

"i..i think you are right…. May be It's time for me to move on…" I stammered

Abi let out a big squeal and hugged me tightly. This time it was my turn to be surprised as I tensed in her hug

"Lilly...this is so great. I promise, you made the right decision. Now that you are free from his evil clutches, you can be happy again…Lilly I am so happy for you" she laughed merrily as she hugged me again

Despite the situations I smiled . I must have been pretty pathetic, for her to react like this.

"I have a favor to ask you though" I said

"Anything, you know I will help you in any way I can" she said earnestly

I smiled at her enthusiasm.

"the thing is that, although I have decided to move on, I don't know if I could …I have been pinning for him for so long that I honestly can't forget about him overnight, So could you please make sure that I don't meet them today. Once I am in my home, I could actually …work on it " i pleaded

"of course, I will keep them away as long as you want me to" she said brightly, as though she couldn't think of a better way to spent the rest of school time.

I smiled once more, I was really lucky to have a friend like Abi

Later that day, we went to the station to board the train. To me, the vacation couldn't have come in a better time. I know I was not strong enough to see him every day , so the further apart from him, better it is for me!

Abi was an excellent friend, she made sure that I don't run into the marauders all day but even, she wasn't strong enough to protect me from the rest of my peers. They taunted me mercilessly; apparently the marauders had even made copies of my book and sold it to each and everyone in the school. It was torturous to say the least..

Every time someone quote my book, waves of humiliation engulfed me, I felt as worthless as I felt the first time. But despite my inner struggle, I kept my stand and acted as though it didn't bother me_. (I am a very good actress when I wanted to be)_

I was saved from meeting them, almost whole of the train ride, but like everything in my life, my luck didn't last. We were playing a game of chess, when a 2nd year boy rushed into the compartment

"Abi, they are coming…they are coming this way" the boy panted breathlessly, apparently Abi had planted someone to look out for the marauders

My mind suddenly went overdrive with panic. I wasn't ready…i wasn't ready to face them and suffer the subsequent pain that would follows and most of all I wasn't ready to open up those feeling that, I was trying to suppress.

"Quick, hide in the closet" said Abi suddenly as she pushed me into the coat closet and shut the door behind me

It was like, the time had stood still as I stayed in the closet and waited for the inevitable arrival of the marauders.

"Abi..my girl, how are you this fine morning" james said joyfully as he came in and sat opposite to Abi with the others.

"fine" she said shortly, I could see the muscles of her jaw twitching angrily and I wondered how long it would take the boys to catch up on that.

"so Abi, are you going somewhere for vacation? Somewhere exotic may be!" Sirius asked with a suggestive smirk. I was surprised to hear Sirius's voice without a growl in it, something I have never heard before.

"no..i am not going anywhere" she once again answered shortly, I could see her patience was running out and I knew the end was near as she let out an livid sign. "look guys…I am really not in the mood to talk, so will you please just leave.!"

The boys looked shocked at her outburst, it was clear that none of them had seen Abi this angry before.

"what is the matter?, why are you angry at us?" Sirius asked looking perplexed

"Why? You are asking me why, after you humiliated my best friend in front of the whole dam school?" Abi seethed

I smiled smugly; if I was outside I would have kissed her for saying that

Comprehension dawned, on everyone's face. Remus at least had the decency to look ashamed but other just scoffed.

"oh that..Please. It's just a prank. Besides, she deserved it" Sirius said arrogantly

"Deserve it…how dare you say that..What had she done to any of you, in the past 6 years that she deserved such a cruel treatment…" Abi was now yelling in full volume.

"its nothing that she did. It's just that, she is there.." peter said like he was quoting someone (most probably James.. I felt another knife piercing my chest)

"Ha...You are the one to talk peter, if you hadn't weasel you way in , then your state would have been worse than her" Abi spat

"Where is your friend anyway" james began carelessly, totally unperturbed by his friends insult (figures..he doesn't care for anyone but him) we haven't seen her since yesterday, she haven't changed school, have she?"

It was that moment when it hit me completely. His arrogant face and that complete non remorseful attitude gave me a closure that no vacation could ever give me. All this while, I had this ideal version of him, where he was kind and considerate, one who held doors for me, the one who will hug me when I am upset. but in truth he was not that guy, he never was. He was a cruel, arrogant, obnoxious jerk who didn't think about anyone else than himself. Abi was right, I do deserve better!

Abi on the other hand seemed to have lost it completely

" That's none of your business potter, not anymore. Now I want all you jerks out of my compartment now" she screamed

The boys looked furious, but complied anyway.

To put the cherry on the top, Abi slammed the door shut behind them. Hah..love that girl

"Lilly, are you alright" Abi asked concernedly as she opened the door to let me out

Surprisingly I came out smiling "I am fine Abi and I can't thank you enough for what you did" I said gratefully

"no problem, Next time they are rude to you, I will hex their sorry ass to the next dimension" she said happily and I laughed

The rest of the trip was fun. With the high of my epiphany and the company of Abi, I was actually feeling good, and may be hopeful that I could actually get over my problems!

"keep me posted, alright" Abi hugged me as we were saying goodbye in the platform

"sure, have a good summer" I said back as I saw her disappear behind the barriers

I stood there in the platform for a second as i tried to take everything in. in truth, I felt lost somehow. I had let, one boy rule my life so completely that without him I didn't know where I stand. This holiday was not just about me giving up James but to find myself again!

"wow..i really hope next year is better than this" I mumbled to myself as I pushed my trolley to the barrier

I was just about to go through the barrier, when I heard a shout and instinctively I turned around.

Apparently, James was calling someone, but as I turned, it was our eyes that met. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach as all the feeling came rushing back to me, I literally swayed at the sheer intensity and wanted to cry and yell at the same moment. For a moment my resolution swayed as I saw the boy before me, the one that I loved but just as suddenly his other face materialized too. Those careless taunting eyes gave me the strength to tear my eyes from him and walk through the barrier but even then, a small part of me cried at the loss of its first love.

In home, I was at peace. True, my sister was calling me a freak, but then again what's new? There was an aura in my home that I come to love; in there I could be myself, I don't have to pretend for anybody, I don't have to smile or work hard to prove anything, in short, in home I am a total slob.

My vacation was pretty uneventful _(just the way I like it)_ and it gave me enough time to work on my resolve. In the light of project dump James potter, my first step was to burn all his photos (yeah, I had tons of his photos, sue me). I hate to admit it but it felt so dam good, who knew this cleansing thing, was fun. Poor mom, she thought I was going to through some weird phase and left me alone and my dear sister called me a freak again (yeah, she is a little low on the vocabulary) Anyway, all in all I was getting better, I was spending less and less time thinking about him and yesterday I even flirted with the store clerk in the supermarket (ha..Take that, you stupid potter..).

Days passed too quickly for my liking and before I know it, my vacation was over. Honestly, how come our vacation gets over in a blink and the school year feels like a decade. I am telling you, it's a conspiracy. But then again who am I going to complain to, it's not like, time is going to stop for me (sometimes I really wish it would). So again I am rambling, instead of time machine may be I need something for my big mouth..hmm any way, no matter how much I wished otherwise, I was going to go back to Hogwarts but at least this year I had some incentive.

"Didn't I tell you, I made the head girl of the year. Ha..Suck on that. Yeah me..The weird potter obsessed psycho made the head girl of the year. Ooohh…I am going to have fun with this!. I am going to give out detention for everyone who has ever taunted me especially the marauders. By the time i have done with them, they wouldn't have seen the daylight of the day…muhaaa…goodbye goody shoes and enter evil Lilly….

September 1st came and I was at the platform ¾ with my bags packed. If I say, I wasn't too enthusiastic to go back, then it would have been the understatement of the year. If it isn't for Abi and my head girl position, I swear to god I would have had my final year home schooled.

"Lilly…take care alright, and write to me every month" mom said fondly as she hugged me tight.

"Sure mom" even after 6 years, I was going to miss her just like the first year

"Now go, don't want to miss your train being the head girl" her voice ran proudly, making me tinkle

"Bye mom, take care of yourself " I said in final goodbye and went through the barrier.

Inside as expected, the magnificent train gleamed proudly. It may be because I am a muggleborn, but seeing the train always makes me drum struck with awe.

"Alright, board the train….it leaves in 2 minutes…."

I quickly got inside the train, I knew the heads compartment was at the front of the train and it would mean, me dragging my trunk almost all the way through the train! Perfect…

So here I was, dragging my truck through the train, when my usual luck raises its ugly head. Most of the way, my peers ignored me but some _(apparently with a ridiculous memory)_ taunted me with the diary. Seriously don't they have a life of their own? They must have pretty boring life if they need me to spice it up.

I tried by best to ignore these juvenile comments, but after a while it began to take a toll on me. However this time, it was not the pain that bothered me, but the white cold fury that was building up in me. i hoped for their sake that nobody was going to cross me today.

"hey Evan, kissed James lately. I heard you keep a photo of him in your underwear drawer?" one of the boy asked cheekly

I flustered in anger, first of all eww… and second of all he was a 6th year, younger than me, how dare he talk to me like that?

"Get away from me Darcy, I don't want to talk to you" I said in a dangerous icy _voice (it was one of the things I developed over the summer, it seemed more intimidating than yelling)_ hoping that he will go away without as scene

But apparently he boy wasn't smart enough

"Why Evan, you are too good for me now?, tell you what, if you are nice to me I may even introduce you to James sometime" he said with a suggestive smirk as he nudged me

Ok…he is going to get it from me!

"Detention Darcy! 8o'Clock tonight at flich's" I snarled. He was lucky that I had morals, if not I would have hexed him to outer space

He yelped in surprise "detention, you can't give me detention"

"oh, really?" I asked sarcastically as I pointed out my head girl badge. He blanched immediately; it was clear from his face that he had noticed it just now. _(Stupid, stupid boy…I tried to warn him)_

"but for what? McGonagall won't allow you to abuse your power" he panicked

Ha..like she would believe him over my word. Even though I suck at transfiguration, I am her favorite student

"For disrespecting a head girl Darcy, McGonagall takes these things pretty seriously. Now if you don't want a week worth detention, scram" I seethed

Let me tell you, it gave me an unbearable pleasure and satisfaction to see him run off. I really like this head girl stuff and I am really loving my cruel streak…

The word of my outburst seemed to have spread quickly for no one bothered me for the rest of the way.

As I got closer to the head boys compartment, my mind began to wonder about the head boy

Oh I hope it's someone decent. Being the heads, we have to share a common room and practically run the whole student body. It would be difficult, if that someone is uncooperative. Well, all the boys in my year are were horrible; I could only hope someone who is better than the rest of the evils. May be it would be Frank or Amos, both of them where not that bad.

Oh..well, I could adjust with anyone as long as it isn't….my thought died in my head as I pushed open the door and came face to face with the person inside

"NO..no, no,no….NO….."

The person who was sitting before me was none other than James potter himself

"Why god?, of all the possible outcomes before you, why did you have to choose him? If you don't like me, you could have sent a lighting bolt or something" I groaned inside my head

Upon the sound of the door James looked up at me. There was a moment when his eyes darted from me to the head girl badge in my chest

"No..No..anyone but her" he yelled loudly as he banged his head in the table with each word

I scowled, feeling pretty angry. After everything he had done to me, I was the one who should be banging my head, not the other way around!

"Well, good to see you too" I said dryly as I got inside and sat opposite to him. We glared at each other with all the hatred we could muster; it was like some sick competition. I don't know how much time we spent like that, but at last he just scoffed and looked away (ha..Lilly-1, potter-0)

"You can't be the head girl, just resign" he said with an arrogant air, as thought he was ordering me.

OK, someone is coming from la..la..land. who does he think he is?, and what makes him think that I would obey him?

"I am not going to resign potter. I earned this just as much as you did. Now if you can't work with me, then maybe you should resign" I said in my calm voice, as though explaining to a 6 year old (what? He was behaving as one)

He glared again, the phrase looks could kill passed through my mind "Fine, but if I found out you are stalking me again, I will hex you" he said looking murderous

If I was the old Lilly, I would have been hurt and embarrassed, but this Lilly just found his antics childish, so instead of responding to his commend I just rolled my eyes dramatically. This seems to have agitated him further, but thankfully I was saved from his rambling, as the perfects choose the moment to enter our cabin

They were sure as hell surprised to see me here but thankfully didn't comment. I guess my detention story spread faster than expected.

"sit down, the sooner we started this, sooner we could get out of here" he said briskly.

"so…I am James potter. I am the new head boy and I was thinking this year…" he started when I suddenly interrupted

"And I am Lilly Evans, the new head girl" I injected tactfully (ha..i am not going to let this prick take this position from me)

He looked if possible more murderous than before but once again I ignored it _(wow..i am really getting better at this)_

"Anyway..There are some rules you have to follow… McGonagall gave us a list.. and I ..

The meeting went on for another half an hour and let me tell you it was painful, to say the least. With James trying to undermine my authority at every bend and me with constant huff and puff to regain the status, I was surprised anyone came out alive.

By the time the perfects left, I was thoroughly exhausted, but in some way I was happy too. For the first time in life , I had stood up for something and I couldn't me more ecstatic about it. Of course my happiness had almost the polar opposite to my co head and it didn't came that much of a surprise when he turned to face me red faced

"What the hell were you doing, interrupting me like that?" he seethed

"I was just doing my job. I am a head too, remember" I said back calmly

"please..don't make me laugh. A head girl needs to be powerful, authoritative and somebody others could look up to, and not a anybody like you. I don't know what Dumbledore was thinking, choosing you" he scoffed

Seriously, who does he think he is?

"Whatever potter...i don't care…." I stood up in anger but suddenly my head bumped hard into the upper birth

"OUCH…." My head yelled in pain but somehow I kept my mouth from shouting out. He snickered amusingly seeing my antics (smooth lilly..really smooth), so much for not being embarrassed.

"my point exactly" he said smugly

I glared at him venomously; I could have strangled him with bare hand at that moment, but instead I just levitated my bag and went out.

"you will never be a good head girl" he called back

"I could sure try, can't I? It would just be another thing I dealt with this year" I said back coldly and disappeared into the corner.

Even though I said it, I didn't have the simplest clue to how I am actually going to do it. It wasn't enough that I had to move on with the dump James operation, now I had to work with the same James for head duties too. Man…just when I though this year was going to be normal…


End file.

Harry Potter, Hurt-Comfort, Romance