Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース 1. Your Pain Is Mine As Well

Origin: Magic Knight Rayearth

Disclaimer: All CLAMP's, not mine. The characters and MKR are property of those ladies, not Starflower-girl's. I really don't have the time or energy to fight in court right now, so just listen to me when I say: Not my characters, not my MKR.

Genre:

for the trilogy – romance & angst

for the first chapter – angst, supernatural, romance

Rating: PG-13

For this first chapter, the ending is somewhat morbid. I must admit that this may be a bit rough. It's not too sappy, either, and it has no sex in it.

Author's notes and summary: Okay so I've never posted a MKR fic. I sure hope it doesn't suck too bad, even though it's not one of my best fics. It's one of those strange stories you just have to write to the end, even if you know it's not a real jewel. This is indeed a trilogy type of fic, and each part deals with one magic knight. It's sort of hard to sum up, but let's just say that this first one is about Umi, the second one will be Fuu and the third one Hikaru. The main idea is that this is a romance fic, pairings are UxC, FxF, HxL (but I must warn you about the third chapter – do not read that one if you don't like any kind of yaoi stuff. Implied and maybe more than that..LxE in the third chapter). Storyline-wise, well, I took a few liberties here... It's after MKR ends, but you might find the timing somewhat odd. All I can say is that it's the whole point here... Everything is supposed to be mixed up. This whole first chapter is about being mixed up, so don't worry if it confuses you. Also, this is probably the strangest chapter in the story. But read and review it, let me know how you felt. Oh and... The other chapters will be posted anyway, don't try to tell me that I shouldn't. I'm trying to make all three different. Okay that was a lot of ranting over nothing, but just – enjoy it if you can.

--To Have And To Hold Trilogy – Your Pain Is Mine As Well--

by Starflow

---

She fell down, silently weeping, and her fingers dug deep into the soil. As there was no one there with her, she let her long and heavy hair lie on the ground, and tears ran down her beautiful face. In her head she could hear someone calling her name with a sorrowful, suppressed, caring tone of voice.

Later on, Umi would have no memory of the events that took place that night. She could scarcely even comprehend, that she had been in the garden all night. Nobody was home besides her, and she hadn't been home in ages herself – but she couldn't focus on anything. She sat there in the garden, and cried, selfishly and bitterly she couldn't stop crying. At some point she had laid down, apparently, for her face had mud on it as well. For Umi, life hadn't exactly been normal in a very long time.

If only she could have done something. Just one thing, anything. Turn back the time, return to him, forget – anything might have made her feel better. But as she hadn't gotten the chance to decide for herself, she was overwhelmed by this sudden ending. No more Cephiro, no more being the magic knight of Water.

No more Clef. Everything, all the possibilities that never had potential, had been thrown away – cast to shatter in the merciless wind.

Umi's lips trembled and her eyes were blurred with tears as she sat up, crying. She had come home with Hikaru and Fuu, just a little while ago. That very same evening. Now that she had had time to digest everything, she was devastated. It was hard for her to accept the fact that their work was done, and that they were no longer there in Cephiro. Sure, she had been homesick and missed her parents – but now that she was home again, all she wanted was to go back. Hikaru and Fuu were surely thinking something similar, they had to be. And yet Umi didn't have a single thought to spare for her friends, as even her own shock was too much for her. She let her tears run, and all of her heart was screaming out loud that she didn't want to feel anymore. Screaming out loud to Clef, to that master mage, that he should do something, anything.

---

In the morning Umi found herself sleeping on the muddy ground. She could finally see again. In fact, she felt a lot better.

Umi got up and decided to take a shower. She didn't look behind her anymore, walking inside. Her blue school uniform was in a horrible state and she took it off. Her parents were probably out of town in business or something like that. They rarely stayed the night at home, due to their large circle of friends. She threw her clothes to the laundry basket and simply went into the bathroom. As she turned the shower on she suddenly recalled her friends – not Hikaru and Fuu but all her old friends. Water flowed down her tear-striped face and her pain was gone. In just one night, Umi had gotten over the loss they had suffered.

---

As she got home that very same afternoon, she wondered why she'd been so miserable when they had come back from Cephiro. Her old friends seemed to be happy to see her again, and they had set her up with a date as well. She hopped the stairs up and opened the door, and closing it behind her she smiled. It was good to be home again, and Umi would make the most of it. She danced cheerfully into her own room, and sat down. She only had a few hours to get ready for her blind date and so she stared combing her hair. With one swing of the hips she moved to the closet to take out a gorgeous blue dress, also flicking the radio on. And when her mother knocked on the door, she was already humming the newest hits with the radio.

"Umi, my dear, are you going somewhere tonight?" Umi's mother acted as if she had never been gone at all. It was as if the journey had only been a dream – a very emotional but surreal dream.

"Yes, I have an appointment with someone. Does it bother you, then, mother?"

The woman shook her head and smiled. Umi put the comb down and picked up her lipstick, and cautiously her mother asked:

"Will you be eating dinner with me and your father first, Umi?"

"I was kind of thinking I'd..." Umi stopped as she saw disappointment in her mother's eyes. Her face melted to smile, in a tired and compassionate way, and she nodded. "Yes, mother, I will. Thanks."

Umi's mother left the room and the girl looked into her own eyes in the mirror, wondering why she felt so put out all of a sudden. It was as if something inside her had broken, when her mother had looked so sad. She couldn't bear to think about saddening anyone at the moment. Umi asked herself what it was that kept bothering her, it was as if some kind of invisible figure was shimmering in the corner of her eye and she tried to catch it but could not. It had to have something to do with Cephiro, that incredible place she and her friends had left just a while ago.

"Surely I'm just being paranoid", sighed she to herself and got up to leave the room and go to dinner. "It's not like someone's in need of help now, let alone watching me."

And she actually believed her own conclusions. She had forgotten all about the feelings that had been tearing her up day and night while they had still been in Cephiro. Somewhere in the darkness of the mind of a certain master mage, hope was sealed away, to suffocate and to be forgotten. As Umi was having fun with her date, Clef forced himself to keep his focus – and his lower lip was bleeding.

---

Running, desperately and in panic, running through space and time. Calling his name, with no breath in her lungs to get a word out. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her ankles in some kind of heavy liquid, crying out loud and screaming in frustration. The storm of screams around her was breaking her ears and she screamed in unison with the storm. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...

---

Umi suddenly sat up, screaming, sweating. What was that dream she had just had? She lay on her bed, unable to fall asleep anymore. As the morning sun came up, she realized that she'd closed her eyes for a little while, and she couldn't remember anything about the dream. She was back to her cheerful self.

---

The blue-haired girl turned jumped at the sudden call:

"Umi-san!"

"Fuu", smiled Umi, and waved her hand at the girl. Fuu was carrying a large bag of groceries, and she had a smile on her face. She looked somewhat happy, but something about the shadows under her eyes and the way she showed a lot of confidence made Umi flinch. Why did she get these strange feelings of not remembering something that she should have remembered? In fact, she found herself wondering how she had first met Fuu, scarcely recalling that day at Tokyo Tower. "You're looking well."

"Why thank you, Umi-san", smiled Fuu, and bowed to Umi's date. This was a whole new date, one that Umi had just met the previous day. "Good day."

"Oh, I'm so sorry – this is Torisei Eisuke, Fuu. Ei-kun, this is Hououji Fuu, one of my best friends."

As the two greeted each other, Umi herself wondered why a strange feeling of nostalgia took over if she saw Fuu. They had been to Cephiro together, all three of them... But what had actually happened there? She could recall fighting several enemies and meeting several people, she could recall the sad love story of Emeraude-hime and High Priest Zagato. She could recall the crumbling of Cephiro after the Pillar's loss, and their second journey there. But Umi had no memory whatsoever of the people there, besides their faces and names. She couldn't remember if she had felt anything special for any of them, not a thing. She realized that this was alarming. She had to speak about it to Fuu and Hikaru, but she couldn't do that now. She was in the middle of a date and Fuu was hurrying home with the groceries.

"So, Fuu", smiled Umi, "would you and Hikaru like to come to my place sometime? Say... Call me on Saturday. No, Sunday – I have fencing finals on Saturday."

"Umi-san!" exclaimed Fuu in surprise. "Can we not come to see you fence, then?"

"You would like to come?"

"Oh but of course!" the blond girl clapped her hands together in excitement. "I shall call Hikaru-san tonight and tell her about it."

"I'll see you there, then", sighed Umi, faintly smiling. She also took Fuu's hand and squeezed it to let her know she wasn't trying to be rude. "I'm sorry, Fuu, but we have to get going now."

Hououji Fuu shook her head and bowed once more. She then ran off, waving at Umi while going. Umi herself took the hand of her date and let him lead her to the ice cream bar. As she turned to look after Fuu, she felt a sudden urge to run after her. Something about Fuu bothered her greatly.

---

Umi let Ei-kun feed her with the spoon. She sucked on the portion of chocolate ice cream that he had brought to her on the spoon, trying to ignore her bad feeling about the whole Cephiro business. She had already been out with several guys, and all of them were meaningless dates, just for fun. Undoubtedly she wouldn't even want to see Ei-kun again after letting him walk her home. Umi was starting to suspect some kind of mental disorder. She was even more of a flirt than before Cephiro, but why?

"May I walk you home, Umi-san?"

Getting up, Umi let the young man pay for the ice creams. As she walked home with him, she felt that same shadow shimmering somewhere at the limits of her vision again. In another time and space, Clef held his head high and concentrated. His hand was bleeding.

---

Running, slowly and frustrated, running through space and time. Calling his name, with her lips glued together with the tears that ran down her face. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her knees in some kind of heavy and sticky liquid, crying out loud and screaming in sorrow. Around her, there was a large number of faint clouds, memories, and everywhere there were visible screams ripping her eyes apart. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...

---

Screaming, Umi had finally gathered enough willpower to sit up and open her blue eyes. She heard rushing footsteps, her parents were coming to see if she was alright. Her silky night-gown was wet against her back, as were her sheets. Wet with sweat, and as she suddenly realized – with tears. Her heart was racing and she didn't know what was going on. Sure, she was having nightmares – but what was it that she had dreamt of?

"Umi!"

"I'm okay, mother", she yelled with a voice that was suprisingly steady. And as morning dawned, she was indeed alright again, forgetting that horrible dream.

---

Umi was spinning around in excitement. Such an adorable dress! And she could afford it, certainly, so she went into the store. Her happy-go-lucky friends followed her, along with a few disappointed guys who had been expecting an afternoon in romantic surroundings, not shopping.

"I want to try that one on", said she to the salesclerk, and got the dress. It was so beautiful, so light and beautiful. Umi would wear it to the cinema on Saturday evening, if Hikaru and Fuu were still planning on keeping the appointment. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled.

Suddenly she noticed something about her eyes. She had dark marks under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept in a long while. She came out of the changing room and leant close to the large mirrors to see it for sure, and she did.

"Nonsense", said she to herself, shrugging. But no matter how much she tried to ignore it, she had to accept it in the end. Umi didn't recall having trouble sleeping. "Hey, Nobu-kun!" yelled she to one of the young men waiting for the girls to get ready. The boy immediately stood up and came to her. Umi looked at him, smiling in a flirty way. "Do you think I look tired?"

"N-no, not at all, Umi-san!"

"How sweet of you. Thanks, Nobu-kun."

Umi then pushed the door to the changing room open again, and closed it as she was inside, giggling silently. She took the dress off and put her own clothes back on. Just imagination, she was sure it was all in her head.

---

The redhead stopped and turned around. Umi hadn't even recognised her at first, but now she was smiling. Shidou Hikaru embraced her, joyfully laughing. Umi started to feel a bit uncomfortable, being hugged this way in the middle of the subway station.

"Hikaru", laughed she. She tried to free herself of the girl's grip but failed miserably. "Uh – how have you been?"

"I'm great now that you're here!" laughed Hikaru, squeezing her friend even tighter. People were starting to stare at them and Umi suddenly felt the need to get rid of the girl. In the blink of an eye Umi shook that thought off, trying to rejoice in this sudden reunion.

"Could you let go of me, Hikaru?"

"Oh, sorry, Umi-chan..." giggled Hikaru, and stepped a few steps backwards. She was looking well. Umi noticed that she had obviously been to the hairdresser's and taken a manicure. Hikaru was looking so much more grown-up than before, and Umi knew she looked so much more tired, herself... "I heard you're fencing for the championship on Saturday."

"Yes", nodded Umi, flattered. Hikaru was looking at her with those large crimson eyes and smiling. "You're more than welcome to come and see me, Hikaru."

Hikaru made a delighted sound and jumped to embrace Umi again. Umi felt Hikaru's strong arms wrapping around her and she also felt like she couldn't breathe. The girl had been doing some serious training, obviously.

"Of course I will be there, Umi-chan!"

"That's nice... Please, Hikaru, I can't breathe..."

"Oh!" Hikaru jumped away from Umi and looked worried. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine", gasped Umi, leaning forward and trying to catch her breath. "Hikaru, have you been training hard lately?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?" Hikaru smiled innocently. "You see, I think we should keep fit so that the next time won't be as hard as the two journeys." While saying this, Hikaru grabbed Umi by the arm and started pulling her towards the train. Umi let her friend lead her, knowing very well that she might miss the train if Hikaru didn't help her, due to her surprised emotions. They were both headed in the same direction anyway. "I've been really busy all the time, ever since we came home. I have been training hard, with the sword, too. And then I've done everything in my power to become more like you, Umi-chan!"

"Like... Like me?"

The doors closed, and Umi and Hikaru had made it just in time. Hikaru let go of her friend and nodded.

"You're always so beautiful and confident. And you have so many guys admiring you, Umi-chan! I heard that you have been dating someone called..."

"Ritsuo-kun", said Umi silently.

"I'm not sure if that was the name… I think it was something like Ei…"

"What a surprise to run into you like this, Ritsuo-kun", giggled Umi to the young man who had approached them. "You know, I've been meaning to call you..."

The young man left soon, after asking Umi out that evening. Umi didn't look too pleased about it, but agreed. Hikaru's eyes were wide, innocent, as she asked her friend:

"Who was that, Umi-chan?"

"A guy I went out with, but just once", sighed Umi, fixing her hair. "He sure is persistent. I couldn't even think of an excuse..."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

Umi gave a laugh and shook her head. Hikaru looked at her in confusion, and Umi suddenly realized that Hikaru might know something about what had happened in Cephiro. Maybe Hikaru was even serious about going back there. And she had wanted to look like Umi, but why?

"Ritsuo-kun is just someone in my class. Do you have a special someone, then, Hikaru?"

"Not at the moment", blushed the girl. Umi wasn't blind, nor was she stupid. And so Hikaru had to mutter: "You should remember that I'm thinking of going back to him, Umi-chan."

"Oh", exclaimed Umi. She tried her best to remember who Hikaru could be talking about, but she had no idea. "Yes, him, of course", said she then.

"I just really want to look worthy of his love, you know", smiled Hikaru, embarrassed, burying one hand in her fluffy red hair. "Because when we go back, he will be there. What about you? Don't you want to go back to Cephiro?"

People were starting to stare at them. It was impolite to be talking loudly in the train, and since nobody knew about Cephiro anyway, they were suspicious. Umi understood this and whispered to Hikaru:

"Of course I do. We can talk about it on Saturday, if you're coming. Fuu is."

"Coming where? To the fencing match?" asked the redhead in excitement, loudly.

"Yeah, and to the cinema after that. And then to my place."

"A pyjama party!"

"Yes, Hikaru, but could you keep your voice down..."

"Of course I'm coming!" Hikaru hugged Umi once again. "Oh, Umi-chan, it'll be so much fun!"

---

Umi stepped off the train with Ritsuo-kun. She bid Hikaru farewell and left the girl alone.

"Would you like to see a movie, Umi-san?"

"Well, okay", smiled she in that flirty way again. Again, she could have sworn someone was shimmering there... Almost visible but still not present... And as Clef fell to his knees, there was great resolve in his bleeding eyes.

---

Umi laid down and closed her eyes. There had to be something seriously wrong with her. Why couldn't she remember anything about what really mattered?

---

Running, impatiently and determined, running through space and time. Calling his name with no life left in her brain to form words. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her hips in that heavy, demandingly thick liquid, crying out loud and screaming with undeniable longing in her voice. All the high screams around here cut her like blades, breaking her skin. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...

---

Now, Umi's scream danced through the house, and she realized that her heart was beating even faster than before. She sat up and walked to the window, to look out upon the soothing silence of the garden. There was one particularly beautiful tree there, a silvery tree that didn't even seem to waver in the nightly wind as all. The tree was looking battered, as she suddenly realized. A lot of leaves had fallen and she could have sworn that the tree was shedding tears. It was a beautiful tree, but she didn't know where it had come from. She couldn't remember it being there earlier.

And the morning sun brought peace with it, once again.

---

Umi ran to the young man, who was waiting for her.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Seito-kun!"

"That's alright, Umi-san", smiled the guy. "Shall we?"

The girl clung to the offered arm and they walked in through the doors. This was a very fancy restaurant. The hall was grand indeed, and Umi was wearing a very nice light blue dress. She felt like a princess at that moment, and Seito-kun was her escort. They had come here for a date, and Umi didn't feel like thinking about the possibility of meeting Fuu or Hikaru here. She knew the two of them had some kind of plans for Cephiro, and memories of it as well. Umi herself had nothing, nothing in the whole world. No memories, no plans. She was still young – she could find happiness without some silly dream of a world.

"May I take your order?" a faint and friendly voice said close to them. Umi's blood froze. "Umi-san!"

"Fuu", greeted she, sounding somewhat strangled. "What are you..?"

"I am working here for the night, Umi-san. There is a shortage of waitresses right now, as there is some kind of convention in the other hall, so I decided to take the job. My sister recommended it to me, she works here as well."

"Oh, I see", said Umi. She was hesitating, wondering if Fuu was going to stay there all night. "Do they pay you well?"

"Oh, Umi-san", exclaimed Fuu in embarrassment. "Yes, I am very happy with the money... I need the money for buying a new dress, one that I have already reserved for myself."

Umi felt guilty. Ryuuzaki Umi never had money trouble, just like when she had bought that dress for Saturday. She could understand that Fuu might need the money, and out of a sudden trick of mind she asked:

"Would you like to join us here for a while?"

Seito-kun let out a disappointed noise. Umi kicked his leg and smiled at Fuu, looking very friendly. But the emerald eyes behind the glasses closed, Fuu smiled, and the answer was no. Fuu took their orders and brought them the food later on, but she was busy with her work. Umi was worried – the shadows under the girl's eyes were even more visible than the ones below Umi's own, and she could tell that Fuu wasn't alright.

"Thanks for the meal." Umi allowed the guy to kiss her goodnight, but only on the cheek. She had scarcely ever been kissed on the lips and she wasn't planning on letting some insignificant date do that. Somewhere, Clef kept mumbling to himself, as all the cuts on his body bled.

---

Running, confusedly and worried, running through space and time. Calling his name without air to carry the voice. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her body up to her chest in that same heavy and suffocating liquid, crying out loud and screaming to the heavens above and below her. Around her there was a silent fog, and through it, shards of screams hit her and hot as flames, they were ripping her body apart. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...

---

Umi's scream was even more horrified than ever before. She bounced up and rushed to the window. The tree was looking ill, more so than the last time she had checked, if possible. It made Umi feel insecure and worried, and although she couldn't explain these emotions, she knew they had something to do with Cephiro. She needed to know what she was experiencing, and soon. With that thought in mind, she closed her eyes as the sun rose – and forgot the nightmare.

---

All the people were cheering for her. Umi took off her helmet and smiled, bowing, gracefully. She let her opponent congratulate her and received all the congratulations with great joy in her eyes. Her friends and quite a lot of interested-looking guys appeared to congratulate her.

"Umi-chan!"

And on that note, Hikaru jumped to embrace her. Umi found herself spinning around with the redhead, laughing, happy. Fuu reached them soon, too, and Hikaru pulled her to join the hug as well. Umi's old friends and those young men were looking surprised and uncomfortable. Umi didn't care at all, for once. She just laughed with her two best friends and let them congratulate her.

"I'm so glad you guys came here!" gasped she, as they finally broke apart. "Thanks, Hikaru, Fuu."

"Of course we came, Umi-san", smiled Fuu, as Hikaru laughed and hugged Umi from behind. "Here, we bought flowers, too."

Umi took the lilies Fuu was holding, and thanked her friends. The three of them then laughed in unison. Hikaru grabbed her friends by the arms, and said:

"Let's get you changed, Umi-chan! Then we can go out for lunch – let's go to Tokyo Tower!"

---

"Here you are, ladies."

"Oh, thanks", smiled Umi to the waiter guy. She toyed with her hair a bit and gave a flirty laugh. Fuu then coughed in embarrassment, and Hikaru was anxious to start her meal. And so, Umi turned away from the waiter and smiled to her friends. "Isn't this nice, the three of us together again..."

"Indeed, Umi-san", smiled Fuu. She took some water and sipped it. "It has been several days since we came back. It feels like an eternity to me."

"I don't even remember much about the journey anymore!" exclaimed Umi in a cheerful way.

And now, the other two looked at her in shock. Their eyes widened, and seeming hurt, Fuu and Hikaru stared at Umi. Fuu seemed to be on the verge of bursting to tears and Hikaru was stunned.

"What do you mean you don't remember?" was all Hikaru could get out. She was breathlessly looking at the blue-haired girl, and Umi was confused by her appearance. Hikaru looked so much more mature now, and yet the desperation in those crimson eyes was true, just the same as before.

"Are you serious, Umi-san?"

"I..." Umi tried to answer, but she couldn't. She looked at Fuu, who truly looked tired and hurt. "I think there's something wrong with me, guys, but I can't remember a thing."

"Do you mean... That you don't remember Cephiro?"

Hikaru's question made Umi ponder on the possibility for a moment. Then, she shook her head and said:

"No. I do remember Cephiro, and everything that we did for it, as magic knights. But I cannot remember anything about the people we met there, or the emotions we went through."

"What do you mean you don't remember!" exclaimed Hikaru, jerking away from the table and closer to the girl and looking into her eyes, infuriated. "You said you knew who I was talking about, a few days back!"

"I lied, okay?" cried Umi. "I don't remember!"

And silence fell. It was finally broken by a hesitating Fuu:

"Umi-san, I think you should try and let it all come back to you. Perhaps you're in shock, because we had to leave in such a hasty way."

Umi looked at her and sighed. Hikaru was still mad at her, but after a while, she was able to apologise to the redhead, making Hikaru smile again. Fuu fell silent for a long time, and they went to see a nice and jolly movie together. It wasn't until the first minutes of the film that Fuu was able to laugh again. Clef, in his solitude, lay trembling on the floor, and his heart bled.

---

Ryuuzaki Umi knew, somehow, that Fuu wasn't well. They went to Umi's house after the movie and ate dinner in her room that night.

"Fuu", began Umi, as she sat on the edge of her bed, combing her long blue hair and wearing a lovely light blue night attire, a top and short pants. "Is something bothering you?"

"Oh, Umi-san", smiled the girl faintly, straightening her pillow. "I am quite alright, thank you." Fuu wore a light green attire, summer pyjamas. "It's just that I miss Cephiro, and especially all the friends we left behind."

"I know what you mean", sighed Hikaru, who was lying on a soft mattress, wearing a red night-gown. "I miss everyone there. And I also miss Cephiro itself."

"I wonder if the land returned to its peaceful self", said Umi. Her friends looked at her, delighted – she had said something referring to remembering.

"I'm sure it did. Tokyo Tower is a link between the worlds, Umi-san", smiled Fuu. "Hikaru-san is to thank for Cephiro's restored beauty."

"Stop it, Fuu-chan, you're embarrassing me!" giggled Hikaru. She took up her pillow and hit Fuu with it. "Pillow fight!"

"I don't know if Umi-san's..."

Umi swung a pillow at Hikaru and threw herself forward, to dodge the incoming counter-attack. Fuu laughed, with the other two, and joined in the battle.

---

Running, breathlessly and in pain, running through time and space. Calling his name with her mouth full of blood, unable to breathe or speak. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her body up to her ears in the heavy liquid that was now revealed to be blood, crying out loud and screaming for salvation. Around her there was complete silence, and the screams echoed inside her head, shattering her soul. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...

---

"Umi-san!"

"Umi-chan!"

Slowly, Umi opened her eyes. She was terrified, and her friends were incredibly worried. Her scream had surely hurt their ears a lot. Umi was exhausted, and she trembled horribly, spasmodically. Fuu was holding her and Hikaru was trying to help keep her still.

"The tree", gasped Umi to Hikaru. "The tree in the garden! See if it's dead, Hikaru, please..."

And Hikaru dashed to the window. She saw the silvery tree, and with Umi's question in mind she said:

"It's not dead, but... Almost no leaves left."

Umi tried to sit up, but Fuu's gentle grip was strong.

"Do not worry, Umi-san. Everything is going to be alright..."

Although Umi tried to battle out of the hold, to see the tree, Fuu wouldn't let her. She held the blue-haired girl tightly against herself and kept repeating those words, that everything was going to be alright. Hikaru stayed at the window to see if the tree was about to suddenly collapse or something like that, to calm Umi down.

"Oh Fuu", sobbed Umi, feeling like the walls were about to close in on her, and clinging to the mild-tempered girl. "I can't take it anymore, Fuu... I don't remember a thing in the morning, but every time I wake up like this I know it's happened many times earlier on and..."

"Hush, Umi-san, don't worry", sighed Fuu. "Everything is going to be alright."

---

As the sun rose, Umi was surprised and shocked to realise, that she could remember everything that had happened that night. She could recall the dream, and with her two friends by her side she decided to regain her memory.

"Where are you going, Fuu? I thought we were all going to go to Tokyo Tower together and –"

"I am terribly sorry, Umi-san and Hikaru-san, but I remembered that I have something very important to do", shouted Fuu, dashing through the street and to the direction of a certain mall. While running, she turned to wink at them and said: "I will see the two of you soon enough. Everything is going to be alright, do not worry about a thing!"

"What's with her?" asked Hikaru, looking at Umi, curious. She shook her head and together they headed for Tokyo Tower.

The tower shadowed them, and Umi felt a strong urge to leave. Somehow she had the feeling that this wasn't helping, that Tokyo Tower couldn't offer her any answers now. She didn't feel that shimmering bothering her anymore, and all in all it looked as if everything was back to normal. But Umi knew, that she had memories to find, and that if she couldn't do it, she would regret losing them for the rest of her life. Hikaru was rocking on her heels and awaiting her. Shrugging, Umi made her decision and followed the redhead inside.

---

"It was worth a try, Umi-chan", consoled Hikaru silently, looking very mature indeed. Her hair was free and all the childish joyfulness was gone, replaced with true compassion. Hikaru cared for her friend's happiness, and Umi was falling apart. Umi knew she was out of her mind, even the mere thought of having that dream one more time was too much.

As they reached the crossroads, where Hikaru want her way and Umi hers, the redhead asked her friend:

"Umi-chan... Would you like to come and sleep over at my place? Or should I come with you again?"

Umi shook her beautiful head. She was tired, so tired, and she had such a deep feeling of depression in her heart... All Umi really wanted was to go back to Cephiro and solve everything once and for all. She just wanted to make everything alright again. Most importantly, she wanted to know what had happened to Clef – that name that she could scarcely recall kept going around in her head – and about what that dream had meant.

"But will you be okay by yourself?"

"I'll be fine, Hikaru", sighed Umi, not even believing herself. "Look, I think nobody can really do anything for me. I have to take care of this myself."

"Would you like to tell me what the nightmare was about, Umi-chan? I've been curious and worried all day, but I just couldn't... I couldn't ask you, remembering the way you shook, and the look in your eyes..." Hikaru now swallowed and targeted her eyes at the floor. Umi looked at her, smiling a little.

"I'm afraid it's a dream about something I can't even define myself. There's a lot of blood in that dream, and it has to do with someone I left at Cephiro... That's all I can say to you right now. Do not worry about me, I'll be okay. I just need to sleep."

"I'll call you first thing in the morning, Umi-chan!"

As Hikaru ran off, somewhat tense and trying to seem more cheerful than she actually was, Umi covered her eyes. She knew she would not be sleeping that night, and so, she felt guilty because of lying to her friend. But she had no choice. She had to try to sleep and find out what was going on...

Umi didn't wear her night-gown that night, neither did she put pyjamas of any kind on. Instead, she wore the dress she had bought for that Saturday. She went to bed, looking like a princess, and she closed her eyes. Covered with her eyelids, those eyes burned with resolve. She focused on that one emotion, that one undeniable desire to regain her past feelings, even the pain. Yes, said she to herself, firmly nodding and trying to let go of reality, to sleep... Yes, she wanted the pain back, even though she knew that she was now taking a turn that she had tried to avoid. Umi herself had been the one to beg for peace, and now she would have to atone for that crime, that sin of selfishness, by suffering multiple times more pain.

"Clef", whispered she to the silence. "Let me come to you, Clef, you don't have to protect me from that pain, not anymore."

---

There was a faint light, shining somewhere in the distance.

---

Umi was afraid. She felt great fear, not only for her own sake but for the sake of that fallen man as well. The ground she stood on was dark, in fact she didn't even know if it was ground at all. She took a step, and she didn't seem to get anywhere. She was levitating, or walking, gliding – she had no idea. Umi was wearing that beautiful dress, and as there was no wind there, her whole figure looked surreal. She was tall and thin, gracefully moving around, wearing a dress so light blue that it was almost white. The light reflected on the paleness of her face and her eyes shone so bright blue that she could have been mistaken for something sacred, pure, supernatural.

"Clef", Umi cried out to the mist around her. Her bare feet touched something cold, it had to be a surface of some kind. Glass floor, or platform. The girl wandered around, and there was a suffocated silence everywhere in that space, indicating that something was terribly wrong. "Clef", tried she again, but received no answer. Umi stopped and looked around her.

The place was so large. It was empty and limitless, and Umi knew there was no entry or exit there. She had only got there because Clef had let her, in a momentarily weak state of mind. Clef wanted her to help him, Umi could tell by the nightmares she had been having. But then again, he had bravely saved Umi from memories of pain, and he intended to stick to that decision. Umi had just wanted to erase that moment, that moment of agony – instead, she had lost all her memories, even the good ones. Unaware of that, Umi had indeed been happy.

But now... Now as she stood there inside Clef's dimension, a private place no one owned, a suffocating void as it was... All Umi wanted was to take care of the mage now, and tell him to stop bleeding for her.

"Clef!" screamed the girl. She focused everything she had in that one scream. And finally, she reached his consciousness. Clef was there, his life force was running out and everything was covered in blood.

Umi ran to the motionless figure on the glass pedestal.

"Umi", coughed the master mage. "Please go away, Umi. Return to your world."

"I won't", wept Umi, kneeling down and taking Clef's blood-covered head on her lap. His voice was so firm, even now. He wasn't even sounding out of breath or energy – although Umi knew he was almost dying. "Let go of it, Clef."

"You never should have come here", Clef went on. "I've been doing my best to keep you from coming here... Every time you keep trying..."

"Let me help you, Clef. This is madness – please, just let go of it, I'm begging you to reverse the spell..."

"I'm doing this for you", coughed the mage. His eyes were closed, and from his mouth, narrow streams of blood were running down his chin. His white clothing was ruined, cut and coloured in red. Umi could see blood spilling from under his eyelids as well, and his hands were so badly broken that she couldn't look at them. "Umi, be free... Live on and forget that you saw me this way."

Umi shook her head.

Clef opened his eyes, and Umi saw that he was crying tears of blood. How could he still be alive, after this kind of self-torture? The girl burst to tears herself as well, and the mage silently said:

"Umi, please. I am doing this all for you, all of it. I don't want you to cling to the painful memory that I am to you – please, I am begging you." Clef coughed up some more blood and wheezed: "If you leave now, I might be able to erase your memory. Go, Umi."

"How could I possibly leave you this way? You're dying, Clef, I need to stay and help you..."

"You cannot help me. Nobody can, Umi, it's too late now. I did everything in my power to spare you the pain, but it seems that I have failed miserably."

"And you can't give up, Clef, please don't say you're giving in now. What about all the people who need you?"

"Nobody does, not anymore. I took care of that. Let me die for you, Umi, since I couldn't help you without losing my life..." Clef raised his hand to touch Umi's face. The mage smiled in agony, and it was a beautiful smile. "If you have any feelings for me, Ryuuzaki Umi, leave me here."

"Because of those feelings I can't do that. You ought to know it by now, Clef."

The man suddenly gave a tired laugh. Umi knew that her hands were trembling, still, and she tried her best to stay focused – Clef was looking at her with those eyes that could barely see at all, and laughing like a lunatic.

"Umi, you are beautiful. I couldn't have died for a better woman... All I did, I did for you. If you return to Cephiro one day, you will hear about what I tried to do for you – and maybe you will remember me. Maybe it isn't that big a sin for you to remember me. But Umi, please leave me now. I don't want you to see me take my last breath."

And with those words, Clef stopped talking – he coughed and spasmodically tried to push Umi away.

Umi didn't know what to do. She had absolutely no idea. She didn't want to see Clef die, but now that he had said that she could remember, it would make no difference. Remembering that she'd walked away from the man she loved, at the moment of his death, or remembering the sight of him dying... It made no difference. And no matter how much Clef struggled to keep her from himself, Umi just wouldn't leave. She pulled the broken body closer to herself and locked her arms around Clef.

"I am not going anywhere." Umi tried to keep the tears from flowing, but she wasn't able to. She hopelessly held the mage in that final embrace – the first and last time she would get to be there for Clef. "Clef... I..."

"Don't say it. You will forget faster if you –"

"...love you. I remember it now. I loved you so much that it made me want to die, and you took that pain away. I am grateful, Clef... For loving me back."

"Umi", sighed the man, actually stopping the struggle and embracing her back. "I know it's hard, but you have to try and move on. You and me, we were never a good match. With me being like this... And you being so incredibly beautiful. I love you, Umi, and I always will. No matter where the next dimension is, I will be loving you from there."

With her last willpower, Umi pressed her lips against his. She could taste the iron, and the salt – his blood mixing with her tears. And the moment she broke the connection, Clef finally fell motionless.

---

Umi found herself in her own room. She had been asleep, but she didn't feel refreshed. She sat up and touched her face – the blood and tears, both still there. Her dress was stained as well. Getting up on her feet, Umi went to the window. As much as she dreaded the idea of seeing the tree dead, she had to make sure.

"It was you, Clef", sighed Umi, as she saw that there was no life left in the once so silvery tree. It was darkened by something that had flowed down from within it, and Umi knew it was blood. "It was you all along and I couldn't even recognise you watching over me." The girl buried her face in those blood-stained hands of hers and cried for her lost love. Even though Umi had always known that there was no chance for them, this kind of ending hurt her more than anything.

Outside, the last leaves fell. The silvery tree was nothing but a memory.

Umi's tears formed shining stripes on her skin, and in the pale moonlight it was almost as if she had rings around her fingers. The cold white light found her hands and broke the rings, as the tears dripped on the floor.


	2. My Everything

Origin: Magic Knight Rayearth

Disclaimer: All CLAMP's, not mine. The characters and MKR are property of those ladies, not Starflower-girl's. I really don't have the time or energy to fight in court right now, so just listen to me when I say: Not my characters, not my MKR.

Genre:

for the trilogy – romance & angst

for the second chapter – angst (and romance)

Rating: PG-13

For this second chapter, the story is a bit... Well, maybe somewhat strange and not too nice in the end. Rated for the theme, crumbling bliss as you might call it. The rating could be lower, too, seeing as this is pretty much a non-action chapter. No gore, which is..a good thing, right? This is my favourite MKR girl, Fuu, but I'm not letting her have a happy life, am I...

Author's notes and summary: This is indeed a trilogy type of fic, and each part deals with one magic knight. It's sort of hard to sum up, but let's just say that the first one is about Umi, the second one will be Fuu and the third one Hikaru. The main idea is that this is a romance fic, pairings are UxC, FxF, HxL (but I must warn you about the third chapter – do not read that one if you don't like any kind of yaoi stuff. Implied and maybe more than that..LxE in the third chapter). Storyline-wise, well, I took a few liberties here... It's after MKR ends, but you might find the timing somewhat odd. All I can say is that it's the whole point here... But read and review it, let me know how you felt. Oh and... The other chapters will be posted anyway, don't try to tell me that I shouldn't. I'm trying to make all three different. Okay that was a lot of ranting over nothing, but just – enjoy it if you can. In this second chapter you will find some repetition of the first, in form of some scenes that included Fuu. I'll try not to repeat too much but I want to try some point of view changing. Bear with me. And if you don't like it, then, that's fine by me. I know it's no epic story, just one of my drama style fics. I usually write harsher stuff, this is one of my few attempts at a somewhat neutral kind of story. I think. Anyway in this chapter, the story isn't fast-paced. Be aware of that.

For my reviewers: Thanks a lot, and I really do find most comments accurate. I was told that Umi and Clef were out of character, and that is true. I decided to take liberties here, to suit my own style of writing. And I know it's not great, but the truth is that I kind of like writing different kinds of stories and I wanted to try a nightmare sequence story with repetition. I got some comments about it being good, too, which encouraged me to write a section like this for my summaries... And I hope you guys can still find it in you to read and review this second chapter as well. Oh and the out of character stuff about Clef, maybe this chapter clarifies things up a bit. I think the third one will, but then again, I warned you about it already, so...

--To Have And To Hold Trilogy – My Everything --

by Starflow

---

Darkness spread across the room and veiled her in its shade. A figure cuddled up on the bed, nothing but a stiff figure she was. The silence was almost too holy to break and she tried her best to keep it that way. No, she was not even crying.

She heard him get up and say:

"I'm going for a walk. You can sleep here, I'll see you in the morning."

Footsteps matched with her own heartbeat, slowly fading in the silence. He was walking down the corridor and the door closed behind him.

Fuu squeezed her pillow tighter. Her large emerald eyes were dry, she wasn't able to weep – even though she felt that holding back the tears was killing her. Crying would have been too dramatic, too immature after all that she had done. At times like this, all she wanted was to be able to return to the time when nothing had happened.

Sitting up as the sun finally rose, Fuu looked around her. The room was large and seemed so symbolic, somehow. It was very nice and it had all the potential needed, but ironically enough, it had fake pillars. The roof was supported artificially, the pillars wouldn't have been able to hold it up anyway. Fuu swallowed and got up. Walking to the window with her steps steady as clockwork, she wiped her eyes. Not that they were wet, just been open for a long time.

Looking into the distance, she wondered how she had got here.

---

It was the first evening after their return to Earth. Hououji Fuu, the sweet and mild-tempered girl who was expected to endure anything, was in her room. Alone, as she didn't feel like facing anybody.

"It's really... The end, isn't it", whispered she to her image in the mirror. She wrapped her arms around herself and sat on the floor. "So warm", smiled she and tears emerged in her eyes. "The memory of you."

Fuu sat there for a long time. She cried for her love, she hurt, but she did not despair. Fuu promised herself and that afterimage of Ferio that she'd stay smiling, strong until the end.

Morning was still far away, the moon was too cruel to light up the room. The shadows seemed to be getting darker and Fuu hugged herself tighter.

"Never been up this late before", said she to the memory. "I guess I'm making you worry again, please forgive me..."

"Not exactly, since I've been looking for you for ages already."

Fuu bounced up. In shock, she gazed at the empty room around her and her heart stopped for a second. There was nobody there.

"Fe..Ferio?"

"Yeah... I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Where are you? I cannot see you here, Ferio." Fuu was still looking around her, as if she expected to find Ferio standing there. The voice certainly was close enough for that kind of thing. But still, she was the only living soul in the room and she was starting to wonder if she was dreaming.

"Cephiro, of course", sighed Ferio's voice. He sounded tired.

"But – am I dreaming? How is this –"

"Hello, Fuu..." It was a very familiar voice and Fuu suddenly felt her heart jump with joy. Clef. Clef was there, so this had to be some kind of magic. Only Clef might be capable of this. "How are you faring?"

"I'm alright, thank you." Fuu bowed, then realising she was alone and laughing at the habit. "So am I to presume, that this is your doing, master Clef?"

"He has been helping me in my quest to find you", said Ferio, now sounding a bit more hopeful. "For a long time already... But I'm really glad he finally found you."

It had only been a few hours since they had come home. Fuu, however, was reasonable enough to understand that when Cephiro was in the picture, nothing as insignificant as time was an issue. Time flowing at will, stopping if it was wished to... Cephiro indeed. Fuu sat down and sighed, and the long silence following that was awkward.

"I – um – missed you, Fuu", tried Ferio then. "I missed you a lot and..." A strange kind of awkwardness could be heard in his voice. "...well, like I said, I missed you."

"For you it has only been a brief moment since you returned home, has it not, Fuu?" Clef was interfering now. Ferio made a frustrated sound in the background.

"Why yes, master Clef."

"Here in Cephiro, it has been almost a year already."

Fuu was shocked. A year, he said? One whole year and for her, not even a day had passed yet? How could it be – and if a year had indeed passed, had Ferio been looking for her for a year?

"I was afraid that –" Suddenly, Clef took a sharp, deep breath, and Fuu heard some noises in the background. Clothes moving against each other loudly and Ferio yelling something, another sharp sound of inhaling, and a thump as someone collapsed to the floor.

---

Fuu walked to the railing and looked down at the grounds. The balcony was large. She had everything she could possibly have asked for, but nothing seemed to matter. She heard people talking and children laughing. Little by little, she started to accept her fate.

"I am going out now", said she to the room as she returned there, and got no answer. He just nodded, with his back turned on her. Standing there, looking out into the distance, as if he didn't want to be in the same space with her.

"Meet me at dinner, then."

Fuu closed the door behind her and as soon as she was out of the room, she felt a lot better. With a tone of irony in his voice he had asked her for dinner. Fuu had become so submissive, she actually agreed to come. She was wearing a green dress, more beautiful than she had ever had on her – day by day, these dresses got more beautiful. More expensive. More formal.

---

In the large garden, she met a familiar face. Eagle turned to face her, and surprised but gladly, he asked her to join him for a walk. Fuu just took the offered arm and he led her along the path.

A happy chat was able to cheer her up. Eagle was indeed very different from what she had first believed him to be, and it embarrassed her to remember that they had been enemies. Now, with things as they were, Fuu felt that this former Autozamian commander was her only friend in Cephiro. At least Eagle Vision was not trying to benefit from her being here, neither was he treating her as air. Eagle was simply letting her act as if she was the girl she'd been back then. Not once had he asked after Fuu's friends, either, simply because he knew that Fuu already had a lot on her shoulders.

"Just how ironic is that..."

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing... I got a bit distracted. Forgive me, Eagle-san. You were saying?"

As they walked down the path, Fuu noticed a dark figure on the path crossing this one. She was about to greet him, but he just turned around and swiftly walked away. She felt uncomfortable, but all in all she was happy that he'd let her be. No matter which one of those men it had been, and it had probably been Lantis – Fuu didn't feel like seeing them now. Some part of her wished Ferio would have gotten angry at her for spending time with Eagle, jealous. Ferio never said anything like that. He was too cold, too emotionless... Or maybe he just knew that with things this way, Fuu couldn't possibly be focusing on Eagle more than a certain chaotic joke of a marriage.

---

As they walked together, Fuu found herself examining Hikaru's new attire. She was actually wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and a very nice, long skirt. Hikaru looked different. Fuu hadn't realised it earlier, but the door she had come through was a hairdresser's. She let Hikaru talk about her day, about how she had been getting a makeover. Fuu smiled, and said:

"I support you all the way, Hikaru-san. This is very courageous of you."

"What?" laughed Hikaru, clinging to Fuu's arm. Some girls laughed at them, two young ladies walking around like grade school best friends. "You know, Fuu, I think there might be a way to return to Cephiro."

"How do you know?" Fuu's voice was so intense and the way she looked at Hikaru so interested, that the redhead blushed.

"I don't, really. It's just that I'm pretty sure we will all go back there some day, you know?"

Fuu just smiled. That very same night, Ferio would tell her the same thing. That there might be a way to return to Cephiro.

---

"Are you ill, Fuu?" asked he, and his tone of voice was almost concerned.

Fuu couldn't answer. She had suddenly hid her face in her hands, but she couldn't say another word. Somehow, she was just feeling incredibly weak right now. Her pain was immense, and she didn't know where it came from. It was both hot and cold in there for her, and her consciousness was fading.

"Fuu? Hey – Fuu –"

She woke up in her own bed. He was not there, only Presea was.

"Are you awake? Good, try to drink something. Here..."

Fuu tried to lift her hand to take the offered glass, but it was too heavy. The glass fell from her powerless hand and Presea caught it, barely. The girl fell back down on her bed.

"Where..?"

"You're in your own room. I'm here to look after you. Ferio told me to stay, he said you fell unconscious during dinner."

With that thought in mind, Fuu fainted once again.

---

Fuu greeted Umi's boyfriend, this Ei-kun as she had called him.

"So, Fuu – would you and Hikaru like to come to my place sometime? Say... Call me on Saturday. No, Sunday – I have fencing finals on Saturday."

"Umi-san! Can we not come to see you fence, then?"

"You would like to come?"

"Oh but of course!" Fuu clapped her hands together. She was ecstatic. Umi seemed so happy, so fully recovered. Fuu herself was still charmed by the idea of talking to Ferio again that evening. As the girls agreed to meet at the fencing finals, Fuu thought about how well things were in her life now. She left Umi and Eisuke-kun, and jumped on her heels all the time while rushing home.

Maybe someday, she and Ferio would be married and then Umi-san and this Eisuke-kun could visit them in Cephiro. Hikaru-san would be there as well, of course. Fuu would make her friends the godparents of her children, when she had those.

"Maybe they will have your hair, Ferio? Would you like to see that?" mumbled she to herself, while cutting the seaweed. "And my eyes... They'd be green like this seaweed here..." Fuu giggled to herself.

---

She could have sworn someone was touching her forehead.

"You..."

"She's awake." The voice was familiar, but so incredibly disappointing. It was Lantis, Fuu recognised him through the mist in her eyes, brought by the high fever.

"So will she be alright?" asked Presea, and Lantis answered something about her being stressed out and ill but not in a critical state. Fuu herself was simply too tired to feel anything but disappointment. He was still not there, even though Fuu felt like she might die of this.

"Don't be silly. Nobody is going to die." That was Lantis, speaking straight to her mind. "Just rest up and you will be alright."

He then got up and footsteps told Fuu he was leaving the room. Presea thanking him for the diagnosis, the man muttering something about it being his duty now... Fuu's grip of reality was lost again.

---

"Hikaru speaking!"

"Hikaru-san! It is me, Fuu here, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, this is wonderful timing. I just came home from the gym."

"The gym..?"

Hikaru talked about how she had been training hard during the past few days. She intended to make it a habit. The conversation went on for a while, but as Hikaru stopped talking about herself and asked after Fuu's condition, Fuu had to think of something to say.

"I have been busy with school, lately", lied she. She told her conscience to stop bothering her – after all, she was only trying to spare her friend the worry. "But the reason I'm calling is – would you like to go to the fencing finals on Saturday? Umi-san is competing."

"Yeah! Of course! It'll be so much fun..!"

They talked a while longer. Fuu, however, was feeling a bit nostalgic and blue. How long would this keep up? Ferio was sounding more and more determined to get her back to Cephiro, and her friends were seemingly moving onwards... Fuu was selfish, and she didn't like this new side of herself. How could she be so irresponsibly planning on leaving her friends, her family, her life?

---

As Fuu knocked on the door, Lantis told her to come in. Fuu did, and asked:

"Have you seen Ferio lately?"

"He was here just now", replied Lantis with a strange, dark smile on his lips. Fuu's raised eyebrows asked what it was about, the man just shrugged and said: "I'd rather not get involved. This is your own business."

"Has he been talking about it with you, Lantis-san... I mean master Lantis?"

The black-haired man just shook his head, but not to answer the question. He meant that Fuu shouldn't be asking him at all. This made the girl resent the man even more than she already did, plotting with Ferio behind her back, seeming to have forgotten all about who she was and what her position was. Lantis was playing some kind of morbid game, it seemed. He had been like this for ages already. Ever since... Ever since the time he had first placed that circlet on his hair, a crown forged for him, the new master mage of Cephiro.

"So, what brings you here? Am I to presume that you're looking for Ferio and thought he might be here? After all, you ought to be resting. It's not good for anybody that you're already up."

Fuu was startled by this kind of arrogance. Lantis was nothing like he had been back then... Back when Hikaru had loved him. Fuu knew all about the way Hikaru was trying to grow up, in order to be worthy of facing him if she could return here. What was it this man was trying to accomplish by being so insensitive and annoying?

"Perhaps." Fuu's voice was cold. She was infuriated, not only by Lantis but everything about this situation. "I thought I should inquire after my friends. Have you heard anything of master Clef recently?"

Lantis's eyes flashed in a weird way. It could have been pain.

"It is now clear that he has passed. Master Clef is... He is definitely gone now. I haven't been able to reach him in a long time."

Fuu bowed her head. She had cared for Clef, deeply. He had been their master and guide, after all. The master mage of Cephiro.

"Is it absolutely certain, then? That he is not..."

"Presea found a letter addressed to Umi in his room. It seems that... The envelope cannot be opened by anyone but her." Lantis sat down and offered Fuu a seat as well. She sat down, gracefully, somewhat distant. "Even I can't figure out what it is exactly that made him forfeit this position... Passing it on to someone who..."

A long silence followed.

"I am sure Ferio is expecting you for dinner already."

Fuu just got up, walking out of the room. She went to the dining hall and he was indeed there, and in total silence she let him be. She went straight to her room and closed the door, standing there, leaning against it for a long time afterwards. Fuu's head was heavy, it felt like it might burst any second now. She felt sick, she wanted to sleep, just losing herself in memories of happier times.

---

Standing in front of this store, Fuu felt incredible. With the money she had got from that waitress' job, she was going to buy it. She had reserved it, thinking about how she would return to Cephiro wearing it... That white dress, with its long hem and laces, with those white gloves that made it look like a wedding dress... So white and so unbelievably pure, shiny, new, blessed.

Fuu felt surreal, walking down the hallway, with the box in her hands. She had taken the step. Now, all that remained was the final jump to the unknown future.

"Fuu-chan!" Hikaru ran at her, waving her hand and looking excited. "It's almost time for the fencing finals already!"

"Oh, my goodness... I just came here to buy some flowers for Umi-san and get this dress for... For my sister." Fuu smiled in an innocent way and Hikaru's smile widened.

"What kind of flowers?"

"I don't know yet. Maybe lilies would be appropriate. But I doubt we have enough time..."

Just as Fuu had hoped, Hikaru offered to buy the flowers. Fuu could pass them to Umi, since it was her idea – but the redhead would buy them. That way Fuu could take the box home first. And as she ran off, with the white dress in hand, Fuu felt guilty. So selfish, so wrong. This was all wrong. Why did it have to be so secretive and so sudden?

---

Fuu took a sudden weak step, almost falling down. A sudden pain in her stomach, as if someone was twisting a knife stabbed through her.

"Miss – are you alright, Fuu?" Eagle was holding her up, looking concerned. Their walk in the park was interrupted by Fuu nearly fainting again.

"I feel dizzy", wheezed Fuu. She could barely see anything, her eyes were blurry. "Could you..."

"Certainly. I'll escort you back immediately. We both know sickness is not to be taken lightly."

Gratefully Fuu clung to the man's arm, and Eagle swiftly led her back. Again, a dark figure was about to cross paths with them, but turned away.

"Lantis!"

The man stopped as Eagle called his name. Lantis turned to look at them, and his stiff figure melted to move towards them as he saw Fuu's state. Eagle explained the situation to him, and Lantis offered to carry the girl. Fuu tried to resist, but with Eagle's help, Lantis was able to lift her up against her will and carried her back inside. The worried white-haired man followed them, and as Lantis reached Fuu's room, Ferio met them in the corridor.

"What –"

"She is still ill", answered Lantis to the younger man, who opened the door. "She never recovered from the previous time, so it's coming back."

"Is it... Fatal?" Ferio's voice, so emotionless and collected, hurt Fuu's ears. She couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. Scarcely feeling how they put her down on the bed, she drifted back into her memories of those last days on Earth.

---

Why was it that Fuu couldn't talk to Ferio tonight? Clef had been seeming sick for a long time already, but had something happened tonight? Fuu sighed and tried to sleep. She was lying on her back, on a mattress in Umi's room, and the other two were asleep.

Maybe Fuu was too hasty in leaving them, after all. She turned to look at Umi. The girl's face was extremely tired and it seemed she was having nightmares. Fuu herself, she had been tired as well, but it was due to the nightly talking. She had such a dark shadow in the back of her mind. Umi, however – there was something seriously wrong with her. Fuu held out her hand to wake her friend up from that horrifying sleep, but she let it drop halfway. How could she possibly leave these girls behind? The thought in itself made her sick.

She turned to look at Hikaru. Hikaru seemed like a child in the moonlight, so different from her new self and so similar to the previous one. Fuu wondered if she could realize that dream someday. Going back to Cephiro. Hikaru had something to finish, there. Lantis, Eagle, all that. Fuu moved a stray lock of hair closer to the girl's head, and smiled. She felt nostalgic. To think that she might never be able to see these girls again, it was something she could barely comprehend.

That was when Umi screamed.

Fuu and Hikaru shouted, holding her still. Umi was twisting and turning, trembling, as if someone was killing her. Fuu felt enormous worry flowing through her veins, along with guilt. As she comforted the girl, all she could think about was how cruelly she was going to leave her friends.

"Everything is going to be alright", kept she repeating, until it became some kind of chant. Hikaru sitting in the window, Umi shivering and crying in her arms, Fuu felt so incredibly hollow. She wondered if she was telling this to her friend, or to herself.

Obviously, she might be able to make things better if she went back to Cephiro. Maybe there was something wrong with Clef... Umi and Clef seemed to be somewhat close to the same wavelength, realised Fuu. They hadn't been too close, but after all – Clef had some kind of soft spot for Umi. The master mage was in trouble, and Fuu knew it. That morning, she decided to do it. She bid her friends farewell, wondering when she could see them again. If she could ever see them again.

---

Fuu opened her eyes and regained consciousness just in time to see Ferio entering the room.

"How is she doing?"

"Still weak", replied Presea. "But I think you could ask her yourself, she's awake now."

The woman got up and left them alone for a moment. Outside, Fuu could hear Lantis saying something about Presea not knowing her place around here. Something about the situation not being appropriate. About Fuu's condition not being strong enough to go through another quarrel.

"They're wrong", said Ferio suddenly. He stood farther away from the bed, not letting Fuu see his face. The shadow veiled any thoughts he might have shown. "About us quarrelling. Wouldn't you say?"

"Why are you here now?" was all Fuu could get out. She was tired, and this was too sudden. She hadn't had time to fully wake up, and now Ferio – who hadn't been there for her – was standing nearby in the room.

"I figured I should." Ferio seemed to waver a bit. Fuu could have sworn those amber eyes were directed at her now. "It is... My fault after all. And you're my responsibility."

"There was a time..." Fuu gave a tired laugh, looking into those eyes she couldn't see but rather sense in the dark. "A time when you might have said that you came because I'm your beloved wife."

Ferio didn't say anything.

---

Everybody seemed to be so happy to see her. Ferio ran to her, embraced and kissed her the moment she appeared in the middle of the hall. Lantis, after performing that kind of teleportation magic, fell to his seat and Eagle handed him a glass of water. They were both looking at Fuu and Ferio, and they were smiling. Presea, she just ran to her and hugged her. The same for everyone else.

"I'm happy to have you back, Fuu", sighed Ferio then, turning to Lantis and thanking him. "I trust you're smart enough to rest now?"

The black-haired man nodded. Eagle helped him up, and together those two left the hall after welcoming Fuu back to Cephiro.

"He's Clef's successor, you know", said Ferio to Fuu. "Clef, he... He left this world to Lantis. Seeing as Lantis's magic is strong enough and even though he resents being chained this way, he's a good man. Master Clef... I think you came here to find out what happened to him?"

Fuu nodded, and added then – with a smile on her lips:

"And I also came to accept your offer."

Ferio had never seemed so happy before. Fuu would remember that smile until the day of her death, maybe even beyond. So happy, so bright – it burned an image into her eyes. That smile was all Fuu ever wanted, Ferio's smile. Her everything.

---

Fuu didn't know how long she'd been lying on that bed. She didn't know how long she had been sick, and she didn't feel good at all – but she had to get out of that room. When there wasn't anyone watching her, she simply got up, slipped a pair of shoes on and wrapped a long green cloak around her. Wearing only those clothes, she walked out into the park.

Lantis was there. Fuu was about to turn away, when she heard him say:

"So you don't think any of it is your fault, then?"

"I didn't say that."

"I'm too familiar with her condition and the current status of your marriage to be an outsider", sighed Lantis to the figure of Ferio standing close by. Fuu stood in the shadow, charmed. She had never heard these two talk about her before. Some part of her wanted to run, but a masochistic little voice told her to stay.

"You know why she's so weak", said Ferio then. Lantis didn't say anything, just nodding. Ferio fell silent as well. Then, Fuu heard her husband say: "I don't think I'll be visiting her anymore. As long as she's that weak, she and I have nothing to do with each other."

Lantis's answer was something about Ferio doing what he found right, but Fuu had had enough. She ran off in the other direction, and she didn't want to hear another word. That was when she met Eagle again.

"You should be resting, miss", exclaimed Eagle. He was wearing a warm-looking cloak himself, and took it off. Placing it on Fuu's shoulders he offered her his arm as well. "I'll escort you back."

"He hates me", started Fuu suddenly, as they walked along the path. "Ferio does."

"I'm sure it's not –"

"You don't know what happened, do you?" Fuu looked at Eagle and the man shrugged. "Or has Lantis told you? Maybe the grand master mage, as he is now, told his friend."

"He's been avoiding me for a long time already. I'm afraid you have no right to accuse me of scheming anything, miss." Eagle's voice was so offended, the look on his face so hurt, that Fuu felt bad. She apologised to him and sighed, as they reached the doors leading inside.

"So you do not know what happened, then, Eagle-san?"

"I only know what I've seen myself", replied Eagle. Looking at her in a very pleading way, he added: "Neither do I wish to find out more..."

Fuu nodded. She then gathered her strength and out of the blue, even, hugged Eagle Vision.

"Thank you, Eagle-san." Fuu let her face rest against the man's chest. "I think I should rest some more. Will you visit me, Eagle-san?"

Eagle shivered slightly.

"I don't believe that to be a very good idea, miss. I think I really shouldn't get involved."

"I believe you are entitled to feel that way, Eagle-san."

Eagle fell silent, seemingly grateful. Fuu let go of him and gave him his cloak back. They stood there for a while. And then, Eagle bowed and took her leave, but said before going:

"I know things will work out. They have to. Just have faith."

Fuu didn't exactly know what to have faith in. Her own strength to survive, Ferio's past feelings, the uncertain future here, the past with her friends... Maybe it was not about any of those. Maybe there was nothing to fall back on, and nothing to take her forward, either. She stood in the window for a long time, looking into the distance.

A knock on the door made her shiver. Ferio opened the door and came inside.

"Lantis says you were outside earlier on."

"And if I was?"

A silence fell between them.

Fuu feared moments such as this one. Had she been more sick and weak, Ferio probably wouldn't even have bothered to ask what he inquired next:

"Do you wish me to stay here tonight?"

"What do you think?"

Ferio turned his back on her and walked away. Fuu was left looking after him. She fell down on the bed and closed her eyes, unable to cry. Maybe even unable to care. Nothing changed the fact that Ferio wasn't there for her.

---

As much as she loved him, her dreams were now shattered. Fuu lay on the bed, emotionally in ruins, physically in pain. The first moments as man and wife had been happy indeed. But now – it was night time, and his presence only brought her pain.

"Fuu – I –"

She sobbed and turned away from him. Ferio sighed and said something about being sorry, but she had no answer for him. She couldn't speak. She cried, hysterically she cried, and he held out his hand to comfort her.

"Don't touch me!"

As she screamed that, Ferio pulled his hand back. He wanted to help her, but couldn't do anything. Fuu knew he wanted to help, but how could he possibly have understood anything about her? Ferio lay still for a long while, and all Fuu could think about was that she wanted out.

---

As Fuu woke up in the middle of the night, she found herself in greater pain than she had been in quite a while. It was physical pain, too, not only emotional. Screaming, Fuu called for help. Presea rushed into the room immediately, bringing Lantis with her as well. The woman held her still and the man pressed his hand onto her face, mumbling a silent spell. To calm her down.

"What is it that she has, exactly?" Presea was sounding protective and angry. Looking at Lantis, she exclaimed: "How can you simply keep me in the dark? I'm supposed to take care of her but I don't even know what the disease is – and you, you do nothing but whine about how people shouldn't get involved!" Presea took a glass of water and threw it at Lantis. "I object!"

The master mage took the hit. He let the glass shatter against his face and a narrow stream of blood ran down his cheek. The water did the same. Presea started at Lantis, scarcely believing her own eyes. The man could have dodged the glass with ease.

"I can't talk about it", said the man then. "I took an oath of secrecy, Presea. Trust me, I do not enjoy my current situation."

Presea was silent for a while. She then sat down and sighed:

"You should get the wound healed."

"I need it to remind me of my sins", said Lantis dryly, and walked out. Presea was left with the sick Fuu, who then wheezed:

"Tell me... Where is my husband now?"

Presea tried to ignore her. She didn't want to make things worse – but Fuu was persistent. She kept staring at the woman with her half-open emerald eyes. Finally, Presea had to answer. She told the girl that Ferio had been informed of the state Fuu was in, but he had not wanted to interfere. He was indeed cold towards her. Especially since Fuu had already figured out what it was that made her so weak, a long time ago. And she was certain... Certain that it could be the end of her.

---

Fuu looked at him and he turned his glance away from her. He had balled his hands to fists, and Fuu could see some blood dripping from within them – he was controlling his temper, obviously.

"So now that I stand here before you", began she. He still didn't look at her. Fuu took a step closer to her husband and grabbed him by the chin, forcing him to look at her. "Can you still say you have nothing to do with me?"

"I never said that", answered Ferio silently. The look in his eyes was far from loving.

"Oh yes you did. I may be dying, but I can still hear."

Ferio's eyes flashed with anger. He raised his hand to grab Fuu's arm.

"In that case, where was your hearing when things hadn't gotten this bad yet?"

Fuu blushed, angry, and shook his hand off. Ferio's eyes were still cold, as he suggested it was understanding that Fuu lacked – if not hearing.

"You... You sick..." Fuu couldn't swear. She knew no words for it. Instead, she slapped him with all her power – not much, considering her condition, but still an act of anger.

For a heartbeat, neither of them said anything. Ferio then suddenly spat:

"It's not like I can do anything that would make you feel any better. I know it's me who hurt you, but to be honest I don't even care now. This was all a huge mistake. We should never have brought you back here."

Fuu went pale. Ferio's breath was heavy, he was seemingly furious. He had a horrifying smile on his lips, too, an inclined and emotionless smile.

"How can you say that?" asked Fuu quietly, and Ferio flinched.

"Do you not regret it, then, Fuu? As my wife here... Your life is far from bliss."

Fuu couldn't answer him. She held out her hand to touch his face, but he didn't even seem to feel it. She had no idea when their love had ran out, or his, but it was over now. There was nothing... Nothing to make him see her anymore.

"So cold", said Fuu all of a sudden, "the memory of you..."

Ferio was obviously thinking similar thoughts. He closed his eyes and pushed Fuu away. Turning his back on his wife, he sighed:

"That ring on your finger, Fuu... It's nothing but a chain, am I correct?"

Fuu placed her ring hand onto her stomach area and looked into Ferio's eyes. She finally got a tear to appear, saying:

"You chained me with it, but the moment it became too heavy to bear was when another chain emerged." She cried, at last she was able to cry.

Ferio looked at her, and she saw a tear shining in the corner of his eye as well. In silence, he touched her face and she closed her eyes, letting him.

---

Ferio sat on the floor, holding that beautiful memento. Not only that, realised he, when it started to cry in his arms. He looked at it, through the veil of tears that was so fresh. The child had its mother's beautiful green eyes and its father's hair, just like Fuu had once imagined to herself. Ferio watched the child calming down, and he let the long lost love he still felt for its mother flow into the infant.

"I will raise you with all the love left in me", cried he to it, squeezing the memento in his arms. "As the heir you rightfully are, even if your existence reminds me of her every day."

Ferio turned to look at the bed. The lingering warmth and the smell of blood were making him sick, but he didn't want to leave her side. Never being there for her, realised he, was the fatal mistake he had made.

The ring on her finger was shining, and Ferio couldn't tell if it was the moonlight mocking him, or some kind of final goodbye.


	3. The One For You

Origin: Magic Knight Rayearth

Disclaimer: All CLAMP's, not mine. The characters and MKR are property of those ladies, not Starflower-girl's. I really don't have the time or energy to fight in court right now, so just listen to me when I say: Not my characters, not my MKR.

Genre:

for the trilogy – romance & angst

for the third chapter – angst, romance, drama, implied yaoi

Rating: PG-13

For this third chapter, I have reserved the right to load the story with homosexual romance content. I warned you about it in the first chapter already. And hence, do not read it unless you're cool with it. I didn't make it graphic or anything, mostly implied.

Author's notes and summary: Okay so I've never posted a MKR fic. It's one of those strange stories you just have to write to the end, even if you know it's not a real jewel. This is indeed a trilogy type of fic, and each part deals with one magic knight. This one, Hikaru. The main idea is that this is a romance fic, pairings are UxC, FxF, HxL – do not read this one if you don't like any kind of yaoi stuff. Implied and maybe more than that..LxE in the third chapter. Storyline-wise, well, I took a few liberties here... It's after MKR ends, but you might find the timing somewhat odd. All I can say is that it's the whole point here... Everything is supposed to be mixed up. But read and review it, let me know how you felt. Okay that was a lot of ranting over nothing, but just – enjoy it if you can. Also, this chapter ties most of the loose ends. It's non-action, drama. Some repetition of the second chapter, in a different light.

For my reviewers: Right on! I got flamed! For making the second chapter cruel and just plain "wrong", I got flamed. I, however, didn't find it a bad thing – it was actually very interesting for me. I guess I could defend myself here. So like I maybe should have mentioned earlier, I don't write to "torment the characters" or because I'm bored (actually I never write when I'm bored, the stories turn out very bad indeed at those times) – I write for my own reasons, sure, but this fic is all about exploring the area and finding the limits of my potential. You said Ferio couldn't be that cruel, that Fuu couldn't be unhappy. True. Fuu, however, was in a pretty horrifying situation and Ferio made the mistake of not pushing her into talking about it early enough. Ferio wasn't cruel, actually, which I will now try to prove with this last chapter. I will try my best to let you know what Ferio was actually thinking, I guess, and sorry for not doing that sooner. It was my intention to solve the situation in this part from the start – just like with Clef's situation was (hopefully) cleared up in the second chapter.

Oh and: At the end of this chapter, there will be a short summary of what happened in this three-part story. It shouldn't be needed, but I'll put it up in case you're either not wanting to read this due to its light yaoi content and so, OR you just simply want to see it for clarification. So go there or read this. I hope you choose to read, but then again, who knows.

-- To Have And To Hold Trilogy – The One For You --

by Starflow

---

The phone rang and rang. Nobody to pick it up, realised she. Putting the thing down, she left the house, and out on the street she found herself shivering in the cold. She took the shortest route, with a bad feeling about this in her heart. It wasn't until she had rang the doorbell that she stopped to think about the fact that she was wearing jeans and an informal T-shirt. Not the best possible attire for visiting a somewhat rich friend's house late at night.

"Why hello, Shidou-san. Umi is in her room... It is relatively late already..."

Hikaru followed the woman inside, and up the stairs. She opened the door, bashing in, and she soon wished that she hadn't done it.

Umi was sitting in the window, looking so sad, so empty, that Hikaru's heart hurt. She closed the door behind her and took a few steps. The blue-haired girl turned to look at her with those tired-looking eyes and asked:

"Do you think it's possible to live on, after losing something you had even though you couldn't grasp it?"

Hikaru just walked up to her friend and hugged her. She stood there for a long time, holding Umi. This was just so wrong. Why was it that everything was in such a chaotic state?

"Umi-chan", said Hikaru after a while, forcing herself to talk about why she had come here. "Have you heard anything of Fuu-chan lately?"

"Lately", repeated Umi, blinking. "Not since that morning, no."

It had been a long time since that morning. Several days, maybe a week even. Nobody had seen Fuu since, and Hikaru had woken up in the middle of the night now. She'd had a terrible nightmare, in which Fuu had been calling out to her friends for help. Phoning the girl in the middle of the night, Hikaru had needed confirmation that it was only a silly dream. And now, she knew it wasn't just that.

"So what you're saying is", sighed Umi, looking outside, "that Fuu is really missing. And that you think she might be in trouble... Hikaru, I want to help her too, but if you don't know more than this, I doubt there's anything we can do."

"But Umi-chan –"

"We both know she's gone to Cephiro. If she is missing, she has to be in Cephiro. Ferio is there for her, she'll be okay", Umi went on and added before falling silent: "If you find a way to go back, Hikaru... Take me with you."

---

Shidou Hikaru didn't really know why she had this kind of awful feeling about Fuu's whereabouts. A year had passed, a whole year. Fuu's family had given up hope, Umi was a mere shadow of what she used to be. Hikaru felt like she was all alone, lonely, out of energy.

Of course, in one year a lot can happen. She'd gone through with her transformation, becoming much more mature. Fuu had said she should, after all, and if Fuu had been able to go back – so should Hikaru be. Umi would surely come with her, and maybe that could lift her spirits too. The three of them together again, in Cephiro, the place they all loved. With the people they loved.

Lantis, realised Hikaru, might look totally different now. She didn't know how much time had passed. Hikaru closed her eyes and let her imagination take over. Maybe Lantis had changed, but she would surely recognise him. He was, after all, her first love. It sounded so absurd when she thought about it, rationally – and yet somehow so incredibly right.

"Hikaru!"

She was certain it was him. Her heart stopped at first, and then it started racing like mad. She greeted him, and as she was about to ask how Lantis had found her – he interrupted her, sounding upset:

"Can you find Umi and go to the place where the link is?"

---

As they finally emerged in the middle of the big hall, the girls were both somewhat scared. The look on Lantis's face wasn't exactly soothing, and his voice was hesitative, upset:

"Follow me and please refrain from asking anything just yet."

They reached the room rather quickly, and Lantis stopped at the door. He told them to go in, and that he would not accompany them – and so, Hikaru pulled the door open. Presea was the first sight – she was leaving the room, carrying something, saying she'd be back soon and that the girls could go in. The second thing to come to Hikaru's mind was that this was the room of someone dying.

Ferio was on his knees, on the floor next to the bed, with blood on his white clothes. His fingers were spasmodically squeezing the hand of another person, the skinny figure of Fuu on the bed. There was some undefined tension in the air, as if there was something the girls should have been aware of, to fully understand.

"...Hikaru-san", wheezed Fuu immediately, seeing them, and added: "Umi-san..."

"Fuu", cried Umi, slamming her hand over her mouth in shock. She just stood there, unable to speak, or even move. Hikaru herself felt a huge weight that had been on her shoulders due to Fuu's disappearance drop down and press on her heart. She took a few steps, stuttering:

"Fuu-chan... How... Why are you... What is..."

This was when she heard Ferio break down and cry. He pulled Fuu's hand against his forehead and cried. Hikaru was about to turn to him, ask him what was wrong, but he shook her off and Fuu spoke, silently:

"...You can ask... Ask Lantis..." Fuu then groaned and her face twisted in pain, which made her look extremely weak. Hikaru sat down on the edge of the bed, wiping her friend's forehead, and she suddenly realised there was blood everywhere. "I wanted to... Say farewell..." was Fuu able to add, and Umi slowly came to them as well, sitting next to Hikaru.

Fuu then spoke about how she had missed them. She said she was happy now, being able to see them again. Hikaru listened to her in shock, and that horrifying feeling of concern turned into plain hysteria. Nevertheless she let the girl go on, knowing that Fuu was sacrificing the last of her strength.

"Umi-san, Hikaru...san... Please, I want to..." Fuu coughed up some blood, and Hikaru passed her some water – she shook her head and said then, out of breath but sounding determined: "Please tell my family... Tell them that I was happy..."

In tears, Hikaru made that promise. Umi as well. Ferio, however, took a deep and husky breath. His face was striped with tears now.

"You... You say you were happy, but I –"

"Ferio", whispered Fuu with the last of her strength. The man looked into her eyes for the last time, and Hikaru and Umi sat there watching, charmed. "I will see the two of you... In the afterlife."

Ferio couldn't do anything. He couldn't say anything. And it was Fuu who ended the conversation by reminding him that she loved.

---

Hikaru stood there, watching as Ferio held the newborn child in his arms. Fuu's body was still there on the bed – she was pale, thin, weakened by some kind of terminal fatigue. Umi was crying against Hikaru's shoulder and the redhead let her own tears flow as well. Hikaru felt empty, so incredibly empty. Everything was a mess, and Fuu was no longer among them.

"You should get some rest", sighed Presea's voice nearby. Umi followed her lead and Hikaru, after a while, turned her back on the room too. She walked after the two, in silence. And then she saw Lantis.

He was sitting in the hallway, with his face buried in his hands. He had taken off the circlet he had had on his hair earlier on, it lay forgotten on the bench, next to him. Hikaru took a deep breath and went to him.

"Lantis – are you all right?"

"I never wanted this thing", said he, more to himself than to her. He was talking about the crown, obviously. "I never wanted it, and nothing I did with it was right."

"Lantis –"

The man didn't seem to notice her there. He just sat there, entwined in his own dark thoughts, and it made Hikaru's heart ache even more. She stood in front of him, helpless. That was when Eagle appeared behind her and quietly said:

"Get some rest, Hikaru... I will look after him..."

Gratefully she nodded. Eagle seemed tired and she could see that this man had been crying as well. Eagle marched to Lantis and firmly put his arms around the black-haired man, and Hikaru walked away – grieving, worried, upset.

---

She had no idea how long it had been since she'd been out of that room. One morning, a knock on the door made her return to reality, the fact that Fuu was gone.

"How are you holding up?" was Eagle's question, and Hikaru just embraced him. He kindly put his arms around her, letting her remain as silent as she wished.

"What happened, Eagle", was her final question. She felt him tense up. "What was it that made Fuu that way and brought this kind of horrible ending?"

"I couldn't say", replied Eagle in the end, letting go of Hikaru and directing his eyes at the floor. "I only know so little, and none of it is correct anyway... But you should ask Lantis, he knows all of it."

"Lantis?" Hikaru blinked, and the white-haired man nodded to repeat. "Why would Lantis..?"

"He happens to be the master mage of Cephiro nowadays", sighed Eagle with a faint smile of irony on his lips. "Whether he wants it or not..."

Hikaru stared at Eagle in surprise. He didn't say anything more, though, just repeated that Hikaru should ask Lantis. He then left her and went his own way. Hikaru decided to do exactly that. She went to see Umi, and after that she headed straight for the room where Lantis spent most of his days.

---

"Come on in, Hikaru."

She closed the door behind her, he offered her a seat. Looking at Lantis from the corner of her eye, Hikaru found herself admiring this man even now. Even under pressure and haunted by grief, Lantis looked majestic and beautiful.

Hikaru suddenly became aware of the awkward silence, as Lantis turned to look at her. His glance was friendly, even gentle, but the way his lips were tightly pressed together spoke of pain. Hikaru blinked and blushed, muttering an apology. The man sighed that it was nothing, and that Hikaru was probably here to ask about what had happened since Fuu returned to Cephiro.

"Yeah", admitted Hikaru, looking at Lantis. The man was indeed tired, everything about him said 'exhausted' to her. "Fuu-chan, she said you know what happened... And Eagle too."

Lantis shivered slightly. Mumbling something about Eagle failing in not getting involved, he started the story:

"When Fuu came back, it was me who brought her here. Master Clef had already left his position in my hands, for reasons I'm not allowed to say out loud. It is none of our business..."

"It had to be a major issue for him, whatever it was!" exclaimed Hikaru. "He who loved this land so much..."

"Just like the Princess, wouldn't you say?" Lantis gave a silent laugh and shook his troubled head. Returning to the story. "We all thought that they would live together forever, happy and free of troubles. Fuu and Ferio, I mean. They were so in love with each other... I'm sure you know all of it."

"Yeah", sighed Hikaru. It made her somewhat uncomfortable to talk to Lantis about this kind of thing.

"They married", Lantis went on. He took off his crown again, tracing the curve of its edge with his fingers while speaking. "The original mistake, as I would call it, took place on the night of their wedding." Lantis fell silent for a while, and Hikaru was pretty sure she knew what he was talking about. It made her feel even more uncomfortable, if possible. Lantis, however, didn't seem to mind and started talking again soon enough. "Ferio told me all of it. She was upset, and he didn't know how to react, eventually reacting wrongly. He let her suffer it alone, her confusion and fear, just as she wished. Her wish, however, was the exact opposite of what she said – in the end, she wanted him to force her into talking about it. Little by little, the misunderstanding grew... He would go back and forth between the right thing and her wish, wanting to make things better but unable to go through with it. Fuu was under the impression that he didn't care to talk about things with her, when all he really wanted was everything back the way it should be. Ferio was... Consumed by his hesitation."

"Are you saying, that Fuu thought he didn't love her anymore?" Hikaru's voice was thin and weak, and Lantis nodded. "You say it's a misunderstanding – to me it sounds like a nightmare."

"Yes", said he, sighing. "In the end, they were both cold towards each other. Fuu was obviously trying to imitate Ferio's seemingly emotionless behaviour, whereas Ferio was forced to go on with his original decision." Hikaru said nothing. Lantis asked her then: "Do you think it was wrong of me, keeping what he told me to myself, not letting her know?"

"I think Fuu might have gone either way if you had told her", answered Hikaru. "Things might have worked out... Or gotten worse."

"I thought I was obliged to keep my promise to Ferio. He told me all these things because he needed advice, and I gave him only one – to do what he found right. He tried to follow that advice... When Fuu wasn't there, he was always worried about her – when she was, he was unable to make a move on her, afraid that he would hurt her more. Her original plea, that he would not touch her as she put it, was what he got wrong. Ferio, he... Made sure Fuu wouldn't have to suffer anymore. He distanced himself from her, thinking that it was for the best, when all it did was made things worse. Fuu got sick. The stress and the fact that she was pregnant both added up to produce a fatal illness... Presea, among others, tried to ask me what it was that she suffered of, in addition to her already risky pregnancy – being so young and thin. She was afraid, too, afraid that if their marriage was to end, the child would suffer and not only her."

"Fuu was pregnant – if what you're saying is true, she had to go through all of it..."

"...alone, yes. Ferio stopped visiting her when she was awake, seeing as each time they met she got more upset. I told him to keep himself from visiting her, as well, actually – after seeing how bad things had gotten. At the same time I tried to make him see that there was nothing he could do anymore, that it was too late now. With the powers of master mage, powers I never asked for, I had seen it.... Fuu would die."

"Ferio and Fuu... They – they seemed to be in love when she died", whispered Hikaru. Lantis nodded again, and ended the story:

"That's because they finally argued about it... It was already too late. Fuu's condition was getting worse day by day, and she had lost faith in him. Ferio told me that the moment he asked her if she had regrets was one of the most painful moments in his life... He'd developed an extremely cold way of looking at her, along with a new way of speaking. It is confusing... But in the end it was all to respect her wishes and to hide his hesitation." Lantis let the crown drop on the floor and finally said: "Now, she is gone. He's stuck with a memento that will demand his attention for decades to come and remind him of her, and of his original mistake. And I am left blaming myself, knowing that I could have made a difference."

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself", said Hikaru automatically. In reality, she didn't know if Lantis was to blame or not – neither did she care. She was too tired to think about who to blame. None of it would bring Fuu back. "Lantis, may I ask you something more?" He nodded, and she then blurted it out: "How could Ferio be so cold, if what you say is true and he never stopped loving Fuu?"

"Nothing is black and white as far as love goes", replied he, picking up the crown. He placed it on his hair again, and got up, walking to the window. "You should ask Ferio."

Hikaru left the room, thanking the man for his time. Lantis, turning to look at her, said nothing. Hikaru wondered if he had been talking about the two of them as well, when he had said that about love. Seeing him made her heart tremble, even at a moment like this. She knew he was looking after her, probably noticing her new look too.

---

Hikaru didn't really know how to start it. Fortunately for her, Ferio, who was standing near the ledge and with his back turned on the girl, said:

"The two of you may stay as long as you wish, but I do not think I'm very good company now."

"Ferio", began she, careful not to raise her voice too much. "I talked to Lantis, I know what happened between you and Fuu. I need to hear it from you. How..." Hikaru's voice faded, as she saw Ferio's shoulders drop a bit. She gathered her strength and asked the same question she had asked the master mage earlier on. "How could you be so cold to her, if you never stopped loving her?"

"What I did, I did for her", started he, sounding strangled. "I thought it was the only thing I could possibly do... Respecting her wish, or what I thought to be her wish, I left her alone. Slowly, I realised that my cold exterior was hurting her even more... But it was too late to go back. I tried, Hikaru, I tried to approach her. I guess my act of coldness had already became a mask that automatically hid my real face from her, whenever she was there. In the end, I asked her if she wanted to split up, you know... If she had regrets. I said we shouldn't have brought her back at all..." Ferio sobbed a bit, then took a deep breath and went on. "Fuu, she'd just... Cry. She cried, and so did I. The wall we'd put up was too high and thick to take down at that point. We tried, but it was too late... For that was the day she was destined to go."

Ferio turned around. He was holding the baby again. Its green hair was shimmering in the moonlight. Ferio himself had tears in his eyes again. Hikaru stared at him, unable to understand, yet wishing she could have told him to stop blaming himself.

"I should be the one gone", laughed he dryly, biting his lower lip. "Not Fuu. She left everything behind, in order to be with me, and what did I do? I was not there for her..."

Hikaru had no words for it. She simply walked up to the man, and took the baby to let him cry a bit. She then said to him:

"This little guy is what is left of her, Ferio. You should... You should take care of him."

"Yeah", was Ferio's final answer. He didn't say more. Taking the baby again, he refused to talk more. Hikaru let him be, after a while of standing there and wondering how things had gotten so bad.

---

Eagle turned around, hearing her footsteps.

"Hikaru... You look upset... What happened?"

"I talked to Lantis", replied she, taking the offered arm and letting the ex-commander lead her inside. "And to Ferio too."

"So you know everything now?" Eagle's question was answered by a nod and a heavy sigh. "I am sorry, Hikaru, for not having any words to offer for your consolation now..."

"Eagle... Tell me, how did things get so messed up? I just wanted that we could all come back here, happily together with everyone here..." Hikaru felt like her heart was about to collapse under the pressure. She wanted to turn back time.

"I don't know", said he. "I honestly do not know."

"Everything's just... So terribly wrong."

"In shambles, all of it", said he.

Hikaru was left wondering what he was talking about. Eagle led her inside and into the dining hall, where everyone but Ferio was waiting already. He would not appear at all that night.

---

Lantis got up, and with a hasty apology, Eagle rushed out after him.

"It's just us now, I guess", said Presea, looking at Hikaru and Umi. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something... But the truth is, I do not know how to start. Or what to think of it."

Neither Hikaru nor Umi answered. They turned their eyes up at her, though, to let her know they were listening.

"I found something that might interest you, especially Umi." Now, Umi looked at the woman, and Hikaru saw that this was about something very different – not about Fuu. "There was a letter for you, Umi. Clef left it behind... Before he... Disappeared."

"What did it say?"

Presea shook her head. She told Umi she didn't know. Nobody had been able to open the letter, seeing as it had Umi's name on it. The girls were both excited about this, but it seemed to Hikaru that Umi already knew.

"So where is it? Can I see it?"

Presea, leading them to the room where Clef had resided, told Umi to be careful with it – an envelope sealed with magic might be a problem even for its real recipient. The master smith then left them in the room, even though it was obvious that she would have liked to stay. Hikaru remembered that Presea had truly cared for Clef, maybe even enough to be in love with him.

Umi opened the envelope. It wasn't difficult for her, at all, and with a little flash of blue light the seal was broken. She looked at the first words on the paper and closed her eyes in shock. She passed it on to Hikaru, asking her:

"Could you read it aloud, silently, not asking questions? Read it to me, Hikaru, please... I cannot do it myself."

And so, Hikaru took the paper and tried to read without memorizing. She stumbled on the words, scarcely believing what it was he man had written.

"Dearest, most beautiful Umi. I have been seeking a way to be freed of this form of mine – this life, this responsibility... All of it. Even now I feel the shadow over me eating up my heart. I do not think... I am positive that I will not be able to carry out my duties as the master mage of Cephiro anymore. Recalling what tragedy Princess Emeraude brought with her, I cannot let Cephiro suffer another fall. I will use my last resort, transferring my powers to Lantis... As much as I fear that he will not be able to take the responsibility, I believe this to be the only way to keep Cephiro the way it is now. I cannot focus on Cephiro now, not with the duty I took upon me – protecting you from the pain. But don't think for a heartbeat, that you have any reason to blame yourself for my demise, Umi... If you're reading this, I'm certain you had to witness it. Please live on, Umi, and be at peace now. Now that you have read my will. I think I can be free now, free to love you from afar. I want you to live on and be happy. Forgive me."

For a while, there was a suffocating silence about. Hikaru swallowed, trying to forget what she had read, in order to be a friend to Umi. Miss Ryuuzaki, however, told her to leave just by taking the letter herself, rereading it.

Hikaru turned to look at her in the doorway. Umi was crying, yes... But she had a smile on her face.

---

It was cold outside.

Hikaru let her heart fly with the wind, thinking about her friends' horrible misfortunes and her own situation. She had pictured their return to Cephiro to be a happy moment, something wonderful. Now everything was, like Eagle had said, in shambles...

What was it that Eagle had meant by that?

"Ouch", yelped she, as someone practically ran at her, almost pushing her down.

Lantis stopped, looking dazzled, and in an instant he was down on his knees next to Hikaru, helping her up and apologizing. She laughed, and he seemed confused.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Your hair, it's a mess, you know."

Lantis immediately took his crown off, it had been in a crooked position anyway, and started cleaning his hair. Hikaru helped him. There were strains of grass among his hair, and leaves on his clothes.

"What have you been up to, crawling around on the ground?" Hikaru laughed, Lantis seemed embarrassed and uncomfortable. Finally, they were both standing on the path, and her smile was able to melt his icy awkwardness away. He offered to walk her inside.

"Lantis, I –"

The two of them turned around. Eagle had just ran to the scene, looking out of breath, and his clothes were somewhat out of order. They were white, too, and stained with grassy green. Hikaru blinked in confusion, as Lantis grabbed her by the arm and started pulling her away.

"Did you get into a fight with Eagle, Lantis?"

"Something like that, yes", answered the man, not stopping until they reached the door.

---

"Would you care for some tea?"

"Thank you, yes", replied Hikaru. She looked at Lantis and leaned her head to the left. "What was it that you and Eagle argued about?"

"Everything", said the man, not looking at her, pouring the tea. They then sat there in complete silence for a moment. Eventually, Hikaru was able to get it out:

"You seem so tired, Lantis..."

"That's because I am", sighed he, taking off the circlet on his hair once again. It seemed heavy. "I took this responsibility for master Clef, but now... I feel that I cannot take it anymore. No matter what I do, it hurts others. Clef never did that. He was kind, good-hearted, responsible, true... Me, I'm nothing but a man who exaggerated his potential."

"Don't say that... You're a great guy, Lantis, and I'm sure you will make a great master mage as well." Hikaru put down her tea and mumbled silently: "Everything is so mixed up right now." She hid her face and let out a long sigh, seemingly tired.

Lantis touched her face with a strange look in his eyes. Hikaru didn't know what to think of it, but it made her blush. She knew she was pretty nowadays. And Lantis was so unbelievably beautiful, so very attractive...

"You are strong. I'm sure you'll survive, Hikaru." A moment of silence followed. Lantis's fingers were still on Hikaru's cheek. The girl stared into his eyes with her own crimson eyes ones, mesmerized.

"It's just that I'm not the one in trouble here... Fuu is gone, Ferio is overwhelmed by his grief. Umi is confused. Clef is gone. You're fighting against Eagle, your best friend... He seems sad... Everyone is miserable..."

Lantis slowly wrapped his arms around her and held her still for a while. He then asked, with awe in his voice, if she really wanted him to talk to Eagle.

"Of course", exclaimed Hikaru against his chest. "The two of you are not meant to fight... I thought you were closer than any other friends I've seen..."

---

A loud crash reached her ear, as someone bashed a glass object on the wall. It could have been one of those crystal figurines or figures Lantis had in his room.

"Stop that, you insolent fool of a man. Just how low can you go, Eagle?"

"Well it's not like I am the only one to blame, is it." Another figurine was probably directed at the mage, seeing as Lantis made an infuriated sound and it crashed against the wall again.

"It's none of your business anyway!" shouted Lantis, seeming very upset – not like himself at all. He walked across the room to where Eagle was, probably, and Hikaru heard him push the other man against the wall. It was, most likely, to save the figurines and his own head.

"Well excuse me for thinking we were closer than that. My mistake. Maybe I should just go and bury myself."

"Do that and I will surely kill you. Or your dead body or whatever."

"Look, Lantis, I –"

This was when Hikaru left them alone. She was ashamed of herself, eavesdropping on the man she was in love with... She felt really awkward now. And thus she made a promise to herself, never to interfere in those guys' business again, unless it was seriously required. After all, it was good that they were talking it over. Maybe things could calm down soon.

---

"Hey there, Hikaru. Don't worry, I'm not going to start weeping now", smiled Umi. Hikaru walked up to her friend, who was standing by the railing, and the nightly wind was blowing her hair around. "I've been doing some thinking... I am going to leave Cephiro tomorrow, Hikaru."

"What?" yelled the redhead, shocked. "How come?"

"Fuu is gone now, and her family needs to be informed of her last words", began Umi. She also smiled to herself while adding: "We've grieved enough, Hikaru... Grieved more than she would have wanted us to grieve. I know you feel the same way – Fuu wouldn't have wanted us to blame anyone, or get stuck on the event."

Hikaru had to agree. She didn't want to lose Umi, that was why she didn't want her to go. Hikaru had made up her mind, she was staying in Cephiro.

"So you're probably not coming with me", said Umi then, looking at Hikaru in a gentle way and pulling her to a hug.

"Do you really have to go, Umi-chan?"

"Time has been standing still since we got here", started Umi. "They don't know that we're gone, yet. But unless at least one of us goes back, they will – time will get ahead of us, I know it."

"How can you be sure that it's standing still? Time passed while Fuu was here, didn't it?"

"During our first two journeys, we came back without losing any time", reminded Umi, looking at the sky above. She had such a sad smile on her face, thought Hikaru, feeling compassion for her friend. "I think it was because we were all here, the three of us... Then, as we were gone, Cephiro went ahead of us. When Fuu had came here, time passed differently – faster in our world, probably, than here. In fact I'm sure of it."

"So what you're saying is, that if we're all three here, time stands still. If none of us is here, Cephiro drifts away in the stream. If part of us is here, the others on Earth, Cephiro falls behind. Right? So – why would time stop standing still, Fuu is still here in a way, isn't she..?" Hikaru blinked, as Umi turned to face her, and the redhead found herself thinking about how much this girl had changed. Umi was different now, and her life in Tokyo was waiting for the new her. Hikaru knew she was being selfish, wanting this girl to stay with her – but she couldn't bear the thought of being without Umi, no way in the world...

"I think Fuu's spirit will not be counted as a Magic Knight much longer", sighed Umi. "She was already a part of Cephiro when she died, and now she's gone. She isn't anywhere now – so Cephiro doesn't have three saviours visiting anymore." Umi hugged Hikaru again, tighter this time. "I will be fine, Hikaru. You can stay, I will tell your family you're okay. You love him, right? Stay with him, stay here. If you think you have a chance with him, don't lose it."

The girls stood there for quite a while. Umi left Cephiro that following morning.

---

Hikaru had no idea how long she spent in Cephiro after Umi left. She was certain it couldn't have been more than a year, but she couldn't count the days either. Ferio's child, Lantis – everyone seemed to be needing her. Hikaru helped people. She loved helping people. It was what she lived for, and she even took her armour and equipment back when she was offered those.

"Fuu only wanted her healing magic", said Lantis, before bestowing the powers on her. "But you are sure you want it all back? Hikaru?"

The warmth in his eyes, the friendly question, Hikaru answered it with a cheerful nod. She got her life as the Magic Knight of Fire back. Not only that, she became closer to Lantis, being able to help him take care of security issues. Eagle and Lantis seemed to be getting along again, when Hikaru was around – but she knew they still fought. She had walked in on them a couple of times, and each time she'd seen them quarrelling. Eagle usually threw objects at Lantis, whereas Lantis used his authority to shut the other one up. Hikaru didn't want to see them this way, and she devoted a lot of her life to keep them talking. Sometimes she would invite the two of them somewhere, sometimes just simply say that she wouldn't have it anymore, telling them to keep her company and behave themselves.

And so, eventually, the day came when Umi returned to Cephiro for the last time.

Miss Ryuuzaki was twenty years old. Several years had passed on Earth, and Hikaru didn't know how to react to this change – only being a year older, herself. There was a strange wall of confusion between herself and Umi, and it saddened her. But even more sad did she become, when Umi told her the reason of her return:

"I am leaving to study abroad... And I might stay there after the studies too. I have little left in Tokyo, Hikaru – with you gone and my whole life changed, I don't want to stay there anymore. Here in Cephiro, I have you, but nothing else. This little guy is all that is left of Fuu", said she, holding the son of the present Ferio. Ferio was looking at them, probably watching them, so that they wouldn't drop the kid or anything. "And I don't know, my life is just so... So strange, nowadays. It lacks something, and I want to find that again, you know?"

"But why leave for good?" sobbed Hikaru, leaning her head on Umi's shoulder. "If I have to go back someday, where will I go if you're not there?"

"Are you planning to go back, then, Hikaru?"

"Umi-chan, you know I want to stay here. But who knows, maybe I will visit my family someday. My brothers, they wouldn't want to be alienated from me forever..." Hikaru sighed, remembering her family in Tokyo. Umi had told her they were mourning her, yet her oldest brother believed what Umi had said about Hikaru being alive and happy.

"We're leaving tomorrow morning", said Ferio then.

Hikaru turned to look at him. Her jaw dropped.

"I am going to present Fuu's son to its kin", replied he, taking the child from Umi now. "Besides, he needs a name. I want to name him in the way you guys are called, you know, like Fuu was. I want to ask around, make sure she didn't have a name ready for him, that sort of stuff..." Ferio looked at Hikaru, faintly smiling. It was as if all the sunshine outside couldn't take Ferio's darkness away anymore... He was merely living because Fuu had wanted him to. He loved this memento of his, Fuu's child, but in the end – he missed its mother enough to go insane someday.

"If you change your mind – Ferio's going to come back anyway – you can come to my room in the morning, Hikaru. Think about the possibility. I'm sure Lantis can spare you for a little while..."

---

"Why did you decide to stay, Hikaru?"

His voice was rich and enticing, warm. Making Hikaru's heart race, Lantis looked at her, smiling shyly. She forgot herself in the moment, at first, just staring into his dark eyes. So beautiful, those eyes were all she needed to be happy. Lantis's smile widened, as Hikaru couldn't even give him an answer. The girl suddenly shook herself back to reality and exclaimed:

"I stayed because I want to be here. This is where my heart is." She drew a large line across the view, to indicate that she was talking about the whole land. And then, she turned towards the man, finishing the line by pointing at him too. "I love Cephiro, yes. More importantly, I love the people here. Some in particular."

Lantis took her hand and in his own, and seeming nervous, he muttered:

"I once asked you if there was someone here, whom you would like to marry."

"I said you."

"...along with Eagle and a lot of others", added Lantis, hesitating. Hikaru saw her chance. This was it. She held out her other hand too, to him, and looked into his eyes while whispering:

"Should you ask me again, the answer would be different."

Lantis then silently took a ring from his own finger, and Hikaru let him put it on hers. It was a bit too big, of course.

"It's lovely", wheezed she, holding the hand up and watching the stone on it glittering.

"I will get you a better one soon enough", said he, closing her hand around the ring. "Hold on to it, until we find one that fits."

That was the moment he kissed her for the first time.

Standing there, under the starry sky, with her lips against his, Hikaru felt surreal. Everything around her was blurry, there was nothing there. Just herself and Lantis. She slowly lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck and he held her there, gently, kindly kissing her on the lips.

Hikaru didn't really know what happened next. She only got a dazzled view of it.

Eagle's white glove appeared from out of nowhere, to pull her away from him. Almost violently, the Autozamian pushed Hikaru aside and slapped Lantis.

"You", said Eagle, before marching back inside. "And me. Your room, right now."

"What was that about?" gasped Hikaru, rubbing her arm, the spot where Eagle had grabbed her. Lantis stood there like an idiot, with his right hand pressed on his cheek, the red spot there.

"Don't let it get to you", said he finally, turning to look at her. He had a strange look of impressed anger in his eyes. He then offered her his arm, and added: "I'll take you to your room, if you wish. And then I guess I'm going to have to talk to him."

"But what was it that happened to make him so angry?" kept Hikaru repeating, as the man led her through the hallway and to her door. "Lantis, is there something that I should know about –"

"Don't worry about it, really. I will take care of this. See you in the morning, my beautiful bride..." he bowed to give her a quick kiss, and then he rushed down the stairs. Hikaru felt a sudden urge to follow him, commit the sin of sticking her nose in other people's business – she had a very bad feeling about this. Maybe those two had been fighting behind her back again.

She would go to visit Lantis, first thing in the morning.

---

"...why are you still sitting there? I told you to get out of here."

Hikaru stopped. She hesitated at the door. Eagle was there, she knew it even before he answered Lantis's angry question with a determined voice:

"Maybe I won't go. Perhaps I'll just stay here this time and not let you chase me away, what do you say to that, Lantis?"

Hikaru pushed the door open just a little bit. She wanted to see what they were doing, why they were still arguing even this morning. More importantly, why was Eagle still in Lantis's room? Had they been fighting all night long?

"You're more delusional than I thought", said Lantis, who was standing in the middle of the room. He had a comb in his hand and he was going through his hair with it. He seemed to be ready to leave the room, only the coronet was lying on the bedside table, otherwise he was fully dressed and looking majestic as usual. Eagle, however... He was sitting on the bed, with a stubborn look on his face, staring into Lantis's eyes, and he didn't have a shirt on.

A tiny voice in Hikaru's head was telling her there was something seriously wrong here. Why would Eagle have stayed over – it was all a huge mystery for her. The mind of a girl in love prevented any possible guesses. She stood there and watched the two. Eagle gave a laugh and said:

"And you're underestimating me."

"Pass me the crown and get lost, Eagle." Lantis was holding out his hand in an order, Eagle took the circlet from the table. For a while, he held it himself, saying:

"This is incredibly heavy... It really is..."

"Give me that thing, right now. I'm telling you, we're already behind schedule."

Eagle looked up at his friend. Hikaru saw a strange look in his eyes, it could have been sorrow. He didn't pass the crown to its rightful owner, though. Eagle Vision got up, slowly, and Lantis let his hand drop. The master mage stood there, as if he'd been turned to stone, staring at the white-haired man and not saying anything. Eagle took a hesitative step, then another one. They brought him to the still Lantis.

"Is that what this is about, for you, Lantis? Keeping a schedule, looking over your shoulder every time I approach you? Really..." Eagle lifted the crown up, holding out to place it on Lantis's hair. "...I had higher thoughts of you than that."

Lantis said nothing. Eagle placed the coronet down on his head, and they stood there in a strange position for a moment. Eagle then lost his balance, and he fell against the other man, who was startled by it and fell down as well. Eagle landed on top of the grave silent Lantis, smiling in an apologizing way.

Hikaru in the doorway was already sick of it. She felt like something awful was happening right before her eyes, and the next heartbeat brought immense pain with it.

Lantis's anger melting away, Eagle's smile turning into a serious look. Lantis's hands being brought to Eagle's hair and face, Eagle's eyes targeted not at the other man's eyes but his lips. Suddenly, carefully kissing each other, lying on the floor. The white-haired man threw the coronet away. Lantis put his arms around Eagle, turning him to lie on his back instead of half-sitting on top of Lantis himself. Forcefully embracing the other man, Lantis went on with the kissing. Eagle moved his legs, wrapping one of them around the thigh of his friend.

His lover.

Hikaru in the doorway felt like throwing up. She didn't know how she had been able to watch this up until now, but as Eagle eventually got rid of the black-haired man's clothing as well, all she could do was stumble away. Running backwards, she was overtaken by regret and jealousy, along with disgust, twisting her guts. She couldn't get the image out of her head, the ring on her finger seemed to be stuck – as loose as it had been the previous evening – and she ran through the hallway, seeing nothing around her.

---

As she pulled Umi's door open, she met a worried pair of blue eyes, and she threw herself into her friend's arms. Crying her heart out and cursing that man, along with herself, she let Umi know she was coming along.

Umi looked at Hikaru's hand. One of the fingers was bleeding a bit, as if someone had been tearing it apart with well-nourished nails. Hikaru clung to her, and she wrapped her arms around the girl, not really knowing what it was that had happened. As they walked to the big hall for the teleportation process, Umi accidentally kicked something on the floor. A small, shining, metallic object bounced and rolled on the floor, finally disappearing somewhere in the shadows.

--

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It is done now. This trilogy ends here. I hope there is someone out there who didn't hate it to pieces, but oh well. I don't write to gain acceptance from anyone anyway. But here is a little summary, to prevent any misunderstandings, okay? So, the story in short:

-Umi spent the night of their return in her garden, and because she was hurting, she wanted Clef to help her get rid of the pain. In her hysterical state, it didn't occur to her that he might take it seriously. She didn't even remember the case in the morning – due to a spell cast on her by him. Umi dated, had fun, lived a normal life, wondering why she was so tired. Clef obviously left the position of master mage because of this obligation. Note, that in Cephiro time had passed more rapidly and kept on passing, so he had plenty of time to fix things so that he could devote himself to this task. Knowing that one can't take care of Cephiro with half a heart, he passed his powers on, to Lantis, and he eventually died because of the volume of the spell he was casting on Umi. He also wrote a letter to Umi, sealing it, and hoping that she would not get to read it, ever. The charm got weaker at night, seeing as Umi's mind was wandering the paths that might have led her to memories Cephiro – so Umi had nightmares where Clef was dying. In the end, she was able to go and tell him to stop, but he was already sentenced to death, lost a lot of blood and still willing to protect her. He died in her arms and told her to be happy. Umi, after reading Clef's letter and sorting things out, decided to go abroad in search of a new purpose for her life, so to speak.

-Fuu was contacted by a certain Ferio at night, Clef was the one casting the communication spell. Clef, however, was getting weaker and the Umi situation led to Lantis replacing Clef. Fuu went back to Cephiro, where Ferio welcomed her with open arms. They married. Now, there was a big misunderstanding... They slept together, of course, but because it hurt her, she told him not to touch her. Ferio took it the wrong way and it resulted in them drifting apart. He wanted to respect her wishes, but it would have been better for both of them to have a conversation. No matter how scared Fuu was or how she told him not to touch her. Ferio didn't get it, and he whined to Lantis about it – hence making Lantis caught in the middle. Lantis tried to get Ferio to do the right thing, but in the end, as things just kept getting worse, he had to tell Ferio to leave Fuu alone. Fuu thought Ferio hated her now, and she also hated Lantis because she knew that the two were talking about it. She befriended with Eagle, who didn't want to get too involved. In the end, Fuu and Ferio argued about the whole situation – Fuu was pregnant all along, and sick because of the stress she was going through. They found each other again, but it was already too late. Fuu died, giving birth. Ferio had to take care of the baby boy, even though he wanted to die with her. He also decided to do just that, not half the man he used to be. He also made a decision to visit Fuu's family in Tokyo with the baby.

-Hikaru was forced to watch Umi crumble to pieces and Fuu disappear. She was trying to change herself, becoming more mature in order to be worthy of Lantis's love. When Fuu was dying, Lantis summoned Umi and Hikaru to Cephiro. They said goodbye, and Hikaru stayed there, even when Umi went back to Tokyo. Hikaru was together with Lantis and Eagle – who were arguing, and she tried to keep them together. She was also madly in love with Lantis, of course. She witnessed countless fights between Lantis and Eagle. Note that it was usually Lantis who kept pushing Eagle away, when he had something to say. (The leading role was on Lantis's shoulders, naturally. You see Eagle trying to make a move on him in a number of occasions.) Umi's return to Cephiro for the last time was the last turning point for Hikaru as well. Lantis asked her to marry him, and she agreed. In the end, she walked in on Lantis making out with Eagle, and it made her so sick she decided to go back with Umi. She got rid of the ring he had given her, and went with Umi. Why did Lantis lead her on, you might ask – it's because he was not interested in having a relationship with Eagle, yet they can't seem to be able to stop it either. Eagle is in love, of course, and Lantis might be as well.

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Okay, that was it. Next time I touch the worlds and characters of MKR, it will be a nice story, maybe a romance with actual romance in it.


End file.

Magic Knight Rayearth/魔法騎士レイアース, Angst, Romance