Naruto 1. prolouge

**Eyeliner Jutsu**

**I bet this fanfic will suck!(cries)**

**Sasuke: no it won't, you're a great author!!**

**really (sniff)i am??????DONT LIE TO ME!!!!!**

**Naruto: y-yeah y-you are a g-g-great a-a-author(scared to death:)**

**why are you sttutering...ing...ing I LIKE INGS OK!!!!!!!!!!they're fun. **

**Gaara: and thats why you dont own naruto!**

**I BANISH YOU!!(Gaara vanishes)!!HAHAHA!!i can do that, i am the factory!**

**Sasuke: you have been watching too many comercials, havent you, or, are you on your special "cupcakes"???**

**Naruto: Ya mean Crudcakes? those things are filled with crack...and mountian dew... she gets...uh, hi!hehe um BYE!!!!(runs off screaming,"DONT HURT ME!")**

**Do not tell them about my special, sweet, energizer cupcakes!!I BANISH YOU!!!!(naruto vanishes)**

**Sasuke: um, i gotta go, good luck on your first fanfic...uh...BYE!!!!!!!!**

**(((((runs away from screaming fangirls and a banishing high person(me:)))))**

* * *

Prolouge

Needless to say, he was stunned, why did he challenge Gaara anyway? To prove himself? Sasuke just sat there, pondering on what had just happened, staring at the spot where Gaara once was. Then he looked at Naruto , who fell uncouncious because of pure shock and

wierdness, even for him, holder of the Kyubbi.

' _That...was wierd_.' he concluded. He slowly got up and looked at the mirror (why there was a

mirror, nobody knows) He gasped, totally out of his character, in horror and shock

"holy crud muffins, im wearing eyeliner!" as i said before, totally out his character. Naruto shot up because sasuke woke him up and screeched,

"Holy Muffin Man!!What Happened?!!??" Then Naruto ran around like the house was on fire while screaming random things.

"Naruto..."

"I mean really, EYELINER!!"

"Naruto..."

"Holy crap that was jus..."

"NARUTO!"

"...You dont have to yell . Sheesh." They walked off together into the sunset (oooh...romantic in a non romantic scene:o) hoping to get the eyeliner of terror of Sasuke's face. It really didn't look good on him. Then they searched for Gaara to ask WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!!!

**

* * *

**

**ooooooh. did ya like it????**

**Sasuke:you know i would never have an outburst like that in real life.**

**Naruto: what did happen?**

**if someone likes it, i will tell you in the next chapter. this was a very long prolouge indeed.**

**Sasuke: why are you trying to be smart?**

**cuz i can. i just got home from school ya know :) stupid school:o**

**Naruto: where's Gaara??**

**He is on a game show called Dont get killed. He is doing the killing!**

**Sasuke: great.**

**i'm glad ta hear it cuz I entered you both!!**

**Sasuke & Naruto:Your Kidding Right!?!**

**See, sasuke does outburst in real life :)**

**Gaara:i never went to some crappy game show, i just dont talk much.**

**you do notice this is longer then the actual chapter right???cuz i dont.**

**All: yeah... thats uh... great (backing away slowly)**

**well see ya readers (if i have any :o) hope you like it so i can make another chpter for youz. **

**TTFN Hillarious Tradegy :) :( **


	2. chapter 1: what happened

**yay, so far, my story has done well!**

**sasuke:thats great. what did you get for christmas?**

**naruto: YAY! i got Ramen!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Gaara: i got, uh, a new gourd. great.**

**I GOT SIMS 2, CLOTHES, and uh, MORE CLOTHES!**

**i really wanted to own naruto but, i dont so sue me!! not literally:)**

**sasuke:i got a dartboard that is shaped and looks like itachi's face! i also got shuriken that has kill itachi written all over it. sakura is really thoughtful.**

**naruto: getting awful close to sakura aren't you sasuke. is she your girlfriend?**

**sasuke:...WHAT THE -bleep-**

**ooooooh!bad sasuke, no bad words! I BANISH YOU! -sasuke vanishes-**

**i need to point out that this chapter will tell you about what happened**

**well, enjoy!**

Sasuke Uchiha was completely bored, not the, i will have something to do soon bored, no, more like the it isnt healthy to be this bored, bored. He finally decided to take a walk to, well, have something to do. as he was walking, he met up with naruto.

"Sup Sasuke?"

"hn."

Naruto took that as a 'join me' and started walking beside him.

"where are we goin?"

"dunno."

"can we go get some ramen?"

"no."

"do you love sakura?"

"perhaps in 1,485,749,874 years."

"so you do?"

"no."

"Hey look, there's Gaara! Hey Gaara!"

naruto ran right up to gaara, sasuke following at a bored walk.

"so, how's temari,kankuro,your sand,the place you came from (not sure what the name is)all the citizens,do you think you will become more talkative and will you hang out with me and sasuke?!?"

"..."

"huh?" Naruto hoped Gaara could spend "quality" time with him.

"... sure"

"YAY!"

"hn."

"so, Uchiha, your finally spending time with this loser? how sweet." Gaara mused.

why did everyone think sasuke was gay?!?!

"no way! thats like you going out with shikamaru!" Sasuke shot back.

"is that a chalenge?"

"duh."

they came up to a random clearing in a random woods. the perfect place for a fight.

"well, BRING IT!"

"uh, guys, i thought we were spending quality time together?" Naruto didn't want them to fight.

"Quality time?" Gaara and Sasuke said at the same time.

"..."

"well, this should be quick."

"oh yeah." Sasuke was ready.

"well, Gaara, you can have the first move."

"well, since you offered so kindly."

Gaara and Sasuke both took some random stance, and Sasuke activated his Sharingan. But, Gaara knew exactly what to do, and he did it. He reached into his pocket and grabbed some... Sasuke was ready to dodge, what was it, kunai, scrolls, puppies, what? Gaara reached slowly in his pocket and took out some...EYELINER!! Then, for sasuke, the rest was a daze. he remembered being strapped to a chair by Temari, a gaara saying something about how everyone will join him in his eyeliner loving club.wierd.

Then Sasuke woke up and you know the rest:)

**sooooo, how was it, good, bad, the worst, the best, what?**

**sasuke: i really dont like eyeliner, fangirls wear that crap.**

**Naruto: i think it would look ok on some of the girls.**

**Gaara: well, i am proud of my eyeliner, and individuality!**

**Sasuke: thats so great. :(**

**oh well, thats ok. **

**i need some help with the next chapter. that is where naruto and sasuke try to find gaara. i need some ideas.**

**Naruto: bye bye**


	3. Chapter 3: random!

**OMG!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!!! i never knew this story would be this popular!!**

**sasuke: duh. it has me in it.**

**naruto: no way! it has me in it!**

**guys...**

**sasuke: yeah right loser...**

**-huff- guys...**

**gaara: your both losers!**

**SHUT THE F UP!!**

**boys: ...**

**ummmmmm, enjoy the chappy :)**

Naruto and Sasuke looked all over konoha. Many people had "mysterious eyeliner" on thier face. Shikamaru was yet another victim of the "eyeliner jutsu" he told them it was indeed gaara, and that he went to some random woods. they hurried and found poor woodland creatures with eyeliner. they all looked like raccoons! Naruto cried as his little fox friends scampered over looking like orange raccoons.

" why, sasuke? WHY!!"

" i could care less about..." there, in front of sasuke, was a black cat, his favorite animal. on its small, poor face, was the DREADED EYELINER!!!

" NOOOOOOOO!!!!! how could anyone be so cruel??" as the boys cried, a mysterious person watched them. then, he jumped out of the bushes.

" HAHA!!! YOU HAVE FINALLY CRIED WEAK BROTHER!! NOW YOU ARE EVEN WEAKER, CUZ YOU ARE CRYING!!!" it was none other than...

" ITACHI!!!!!" sasuke was shocked, his brother was in the woods? the one thing that shocked him more was the evil eyeliner on his face.

" hey! you are a victim of the eyeliner jutsu too!" Itachi just looked blankly at sasuke.

" eyeliner jutsu? oh, this is just the uniform of my new boss, whom i shall remain nameless." so that explained the missing akatsuki uniform. but, all itachi was wearing was his boxers, blue and pink boxers.

" uh huh... is his name, Gaara?" naruto randomly said. at that exact moment, gaara swung down on a vine and captured sasuke.

" HOLY SALIVA!!!! I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BY JUNGLE BOY!!!"

"NO YOU IDIOT!" gaara screamed " IT IS I, EYELINER MAN!!!!!!! also known as gaara."

" YAY!!!! I AM SAVED!!!!!"

" no you arent, stupid!"

"wha... I AM NOT STUPID, WAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

" SHUT UP YOU GORGAN-BLUE-SHEAILDER-NOGGIN-MORCA!!!!!"

" huh? are you speaking jibberish... again"

" COOGIE, COOGIE MOKKI TOO!!!!

" I speak jibberish. that would be a yes." naruto scampered to help his friend. meanwhile, sasuke was kicking and screaming like the little brat he was, and gaara was holding onto him tight.

" LEMME GO!! LEMME GO!! WAAAAAH!!! I WANNA GO NOWWW!!!!!" itachi started to help gaara by tying strings to branches. that way, gaara could keep swinging. itachi needed some help with getting sasuke to wear eyeliner, so he went to get the daddy of make up, and it was...

(in a mysterious dark place)

the phone rang and a dark figure picked it up.

" hello, what do you want? oh. i see. mmhmmm. and you need my help? well, of course, here at tatoo and makeup, we can do that, and give him an awsome tatoo. That is, if you are willing to pay my price..."

and so, itachi enlisted some help, for twelve pineapples, eight coconuts, and twenty banannas. it was an expensive, but they needed help all the help they could get.

**ummmmm, ok. good? bad? crazy? majestic? fruity? tell me what you thought. OMFG!! CLIFFY!!!!**

**sasuke: i still think i make this story extremely popular, its the only explanation!**

**naruto: no way! it was me with my wonderful charm!**

**gaara/sasuke: you have a charm?**

**gaara: it shall always be me that draws the heart of millions!**

**CAN YOU GUYS JUST SHUT THE H UP ALREADY!!! I HAVE A F HEADACHE!!!!**

**boys: ...**

**itachi: sup Hillarious Tragedy-chan**

**oh, hi tachi-kun **

**sasuke: oh... my... god... ITACHI!!!!!**

**itachi: hey lil bro!! how have you been?**

**sasuke: OMG!! itachi, i -sniff- i -sniff- i missed you!!!!**

**gaara: what happened to the whole "i will kill my brother" thing?**

**naruto: yeah, i thought you wanted to kill him!**

**nope! i am the writer person and i decided that for now, they will be bestest friends!! **

**itachi: SASUKE!**

**sasuke: ITACHI!**

**itachi: SASUKE!**

**sasuke: ITACHI!**

**itachi: SASUKE!**

**sasuke: ITACHI!**

**itachi: SASUKE!**

**(continues on in gai/lee/gai/lee style, changing backrounds like sunset and waterfall etc.)**

**... ooooookay then. next chappy, they are enemies. i like em better that way!-backs away from lovers- **

**haha!! left with some sort of mystery there... first person who can tell me who it was on the phone will win a prize!!! oh, i know this was a short chappy. i am only in middle school and i usually have tons of homework. the fact that someone is reading this at all fills my heart with joy. i think i will have 1 or 2 more chappys before i need to quit. give me as much help as you can please! your ideas inspire me.**

**saying of the chapter (which i will do now):**

**may the splee be with you always, and the happy happy joy joy with you forever.**

** MINE!!!**

**XOXO Hillarious Tragedy (btw, say xoxo back, and i will kill you, i say it cuz its fun)**


	4. deranged authors note

**hey everone!!!!**

**sasuke: hn**

**itachi: hn**

**gaara: hn**

**naruto: hn**

**WTF!!!!! TALK LOSERS, TALK!!!!**

**sasuke: hn... hn**

**itachi: but... but... i am so pretty!!!**

**orochimaru: ME TOO!!!!!!!**

**orochimaru!!!!! how man times do i have to tell you!!!! stop stalking puppies !!!!!!!!**

**puppy: -whimper whimper-**

**naruto: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!**

**gaara: shut ya trap stupid... hn**

**itachi: guess what im wearing.**

**orochimaru: what?**

**itachi: SNAKE SKIN!!!!**

**oro/me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**orochimaru: you -sniff- you care about my feelings?**

**wha?? HECK NO!! i am an animal activist!!! i save all animals! i still wanna burn you to little crispy bits and peices!!**

**sasuke: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEE!!!!!!!!!!!**

**everyone:...**

**sasuke! why are you being random?**

**sasuke: cuz you made me!!!! your the writer person!!**

**oh, ok. there there sassy-chan!!**

**gaara: START THE STORY ALREADY!!!!**

**ok, ok, sheesh!! oh darn!!! WRITERS BLOOOOOCK!!!!!!!!!! nooooooooo!!!**

**-starts weeping-**

**naruto: ummmmmmmmmm, i guess you need more ideas.**

**sasuke: ya heard it here folks!! we need ideas galore!!! **

**itachi: we hope you enjoyed this very short and retarded and deranged authors note!!!**

**are you trying to be news peoples?**

**gaara: trying but not succeeding!**

**itachi: WHY CANT WE SUCCEED!!!???**

**BECAUSE I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK!!!! NOW SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!**

**ita/sasu: kay**

**please help!! i need ideas!!**


	5. search and conversation

**i have been pointed out that i am lazy.**

**sasuke: yeah. your the one who pointed it out.**

**anyway, the long awaited chapter has arrived!!**

**orochimaru: WHO LIKES MY PINK FEATHER BOA!? it goes totally ,like, awsome with my cute pink high-heels! **

**WTF!!!! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?**

**itachi: I HAVE A LAVENDER FEATHER BOA!!!!**

**orochimaru: OMG WE ARE, LIKE, TOTALLY TWINS GIRLFRIEND!!!**

**itachi: OMG!! I, LIKE, TOTALLY KNOW!! where did you get that, like totally, fantabulous nailpolish?**

**please stop! i have a splitting head ache now!!!!!!!**

**sasuke: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!!!!!**

**naruto: OMG!!!! IVE GONE BLIND!!!!!!! AND DEAF!! NOW HOW CAN I BE A NINJA!!!????**

**gaara: TEMAAAAAAAARI!!! SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!**

**SAVE ME TOO TEMARI!!!!!!!!!**

**itachi: well, enjoy! and thanks for the great ideas! i think she's using most of em! oh, WHO LIKES MY BOA!?**

Sasuke was taken to Gaara's secret-but-very-obvious lair, his gigantical sand castle of EYELINER!!and doom. it was guarded by evil krabs and cactui. sasuke was strapped to a makeover chair, like at the hair-stylist's, and frightfully awaited his DOOOOM!!!

Itachi slowly chose the perfect eyeliner for his brother. but suddenly, sasuke found a spork!! and stabbed his brother with it!! but,actually, itachi knew it was love at first sight. he huggled the spork and petted it. then, since im the authoress, i made him into a goblin like thing. he petted the spork and spoke to it.

" My precious, my precious... OMG!!!! YOUR HIDEOUS!!!" and so he threw it, and it landed on shino. incase you didnt know, shino hates sporks. he doesnt like the fact that they can replace his girlfriend, spoon, or his best friend, fork. he vicously attacked it, biting and ripping it in half like a rabid bee. apparently, he had rabies, and began biting the evil krabs.

This was a problem for the mystery man! the mystery man, who is... train comes by, and then it runs over naruto, and no one can hear who it is ... and he used it to defeat the rabid krabs, because they were so much more lethal.

The mystery man waltsed in gaaras evil sandcastle, and brought "the goods"

"Kankuro! i have what you need. give me my fruit, so i might fill them with hyperactive sugar. he wants them too." so, kankuro gave... ambulance comes to help naruto so you cant hear the name... and took the make-up kit of doom off his hands.

Meanwhile, naruto had quickly recovered from his accident and went on a quest. he was going to find out who kankuro gave fruit to, since he was too occupied to notice. he decided to try orochimaru first. he did seem to like make-up a whole lot!

He knocked on the pink fuzzy snake imprinted door. it slowly creaked open to reveal a...

" OMG!!!!! WHAT THE- WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!???" naruto screeched. orochimaru was in the middle of the pink and purple fuzzy room, and he was only dressed in a pink skimpy bakini and a pink feather boa. he was dancing to "i'm a barbie girl" and kabuto was in a cowgirl dress skipping rope and saying "im so pretty!" over and over again beside him. naruto completely blacked out.

When he woke up, he was still in the middle of the floor, but the room was empty.

"I stilll need to find him!!!!!" he declared very loudly.

" Im still here! in another room!"

"Oh..." naruto peeked into the other room to make sure it was safe, and it was. orochimaru was dressed in a pink fall out boy t-shirt and bell bottom jeans with the boa securely on his shoulders. kabuto was gone, most likely sasuke clothes shopping.

" Orochimaru, did you supply gaara with enough eyeliner to load a canon to pretify the world?" naruto questioned.

"Huh? oh. im not in that business, I SELL FALL OUT BOY MERCHANDISE FOR HOMOS, PEDOS, AND EVERYONE ELSE!!!!" orochimaru shrieked as he suddenly had a rush of gay and pedo customers trying to buy pink fall out boy shirts and merchandise. naruto got trampled and had to go to the hospital again. poor naruto.

Back at the castle, sasuke got 30 minutes of controlled freedom about the tower. but he couldnt enjoy it because sakura was his escort around to make sure he wouldnt attempt to escape. sakura was the most annoying person ever to him!! and now she was wearing eyeliner too. she looked odd. they had an odd conversation too.

" How are you today sasuke-kun?"

" I feel a bit caged."

" Why sasuke-kun?"

" Hmmm. im in a castle and i cant go outside. sounds like a cage to me."

" But i saw a rainbow sasuke-kun!"

" Ok..."

" And then the leprechan dated me sasuke-kun!"

" You're odd."

" No sasuke-kun! we can make this relationship work sasuke-kun! LOVE ME SASUKE-KUN!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!sasuke-kun!"

" Your pushing the 'sasuke-kun' thing a bit sakura"

" But i know it can work! i'll change for you sasuke-kun!!! i'll get you a green day cd or take you to a museum sasuke-kun!!!"

" Museum? green day? you're an odd little girl arent you?"

" BUT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER SASUKE-KUN!! ITS EITHER ME AND YOU OR NARUTO AND YOU SASUKE-KUN!! WHO WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE??sasuke-kun?"

" Erm... right now? naruto. you're really freakin me out here."

" LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

" AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**everyone: o.O**

**i know sweatdrop**

**sasuke: ooooooooooooookay then...**

**really random, sorry. oh, THANKYOU FOR ALL THE IDEAS!!!!! I THINK I USED ALMOST ALL OF THEM!! AND I UPDATED!!! SO I FUFILLED MOST PEOPLES DREAMS!!!**

**gaara: i wasnt even in that!**

**naruto: and i got ran over!**

**orochimaru: that really happened to me!**

**sweatdrop**

**itachi: shino killed my spork!!!**

**sakura: were you sakura bashing?**

**nope!! i bash no one!**

**naruto: except me!! ow...**

**oh well! ok. next chappy. i think i may put in a temporary oc. hes meh own, kinda. oh, and naruto will go onto another suspect, but so far lets see who it isnt:**

**orochimaru**

**kankuro**

**gaara**

**itachi**

**naruto**

**sasuke**

**and, sasuke either has an odd romantic moment with sakura or he has to dodge legos!!!! EVERYONE CHOOSE ONE!!! i dunno which one! bye byez!**

**quote: "THE QUOTES WONT CATCH ON!!! :O"**

** friend**

**( i wanna prove her wrong )**

**XOXO Hillarious Tragedy**


	6. amber, lucky charms, and legos

**now, to show my character!!!!! i think shes been around, but i am finally showing her to the whole world!!!!**

**amber: oh boy...**

**be nice amber.**

**amber: no.**

**sasuke: i agree.**

**naruto: NICE!!!!!!!**

**amber: o.O**

**naruto, shut up.**

**gaara: my hair is red.**

**huh?**

**gaara: ...**

**amber: your friends are creepy, HT.**

**i know... **

**kyuubi: yo. wassup amber?**

**naruto: eep! kyuubi!! **

**amber: yo kyu-chan! nothin much!**

**kyuubi: same here. i got punished for destroying konoha though... it sucked.**

**amber: daaaaamn... did you have to spend a year with gai again?**

**kyuubi: thank God no! just a twerp who controlled my power...**

**amber: hmm... im bored. i destroyed rome yesterday. yay me.**

**kyubi: way to go!**

**lets start this...**

Naruto stood behind the door to kakashi's house. Kakashi was strange, perhaps he was the mystery person. Naruto knocked on the door, unsure about life. He was currently feeling emo, poor lil fella. Then Kakashi, if you could call it Kakashi, opened the door.

" Hey i- HOLY MOTHER OF HOKAGE!!!!!" the suprised naruto said. He has the worst luck. Asuma and Gai were in speedos in the center of the room, dancing to Helena, by MCR. Itachi was the dj, and he had orange hair and a bright pink leotard on. Apparently, it was his brake, while Sakura "entertained" Sasuke. Hey! Lets go check on them!

-with Sakura and Sasuke-

"Er... Sakura? can you leave me alone?" said a very pissed off Sasuke.

"I cant Sasuke-kun! My job is to watch you!" replyed a cheery non-human Sakura.

"Even while i pee?"

"I enjoy it quite much Sasuke-kun!! Your pee is very pretty."

" Can i kill you?"

"Why would you do such a thing, Sasuke-kun?"

"GET OUT BEFORE I KILL YOU!!!! This is embarrasing..."

" Wow! you have feelings Sasuke-kun-chan-sama-san!"

-.-

" Thats it! Your getting flushed down the toilet!"

"Yay! Wait what Sasu-" -gurgle gurgle- "Sasuke im dro-" -gargle gurgle fluuuuuuussshhhhh-

"... Should have listened..."

"Listened to what Sasuke-kun!?"

" WTF!? I JUST FLUSHED YOU TO THE SEWER!!!"

" Im magic sasuke-kun!!!!"

o.O

" Ok. Time to die." -takes out a knife-

"LEGO DEFENCE!!!!! PROTECT ME LEGO COMPANIONS!!!"

"Wtf?"

"WHOOSH!!!" -throws legos at Sasuke-

"DAMMIT! You hit me in the effing eye!"

"Sorry my dearest cutey-pie Sasuke-kun!"

"Kill me noooow..." -stabs himself in the chest-

"Sasuke!!!! LEGO DEFENCE!! UNWANTED AND ANNOYING HEALING BY BEING MAULED BY LEGOS!!!!! WHOOSH!!!!" -legos maul sasuke, healing him-

-.-

Suddenly, there is a puff of smoke in front of them and a teenage girl with silver hair in a short ponytail. She wore a black robe with torn off sleeves and had a flaming scythe in her hand.

" Yo!! i am the grim reapers substitute while he mourns the loss of his bagel!! im here for a Sakura Haruno???"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Im Amber. Satans daughter. Princess of hell and fire. Demonic goddess of the underworld."

" BUT I AM ESCOURTING SASUKE-KUN!!!!! "

"sasukes gonna kill you from an un-healable state in 2 minutes. i guess i got here early..."

"i am? so... this annoying girl is acually going to die?"

"yeah... lucky you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY LEPRACHAN WILL DEFEAT YOU!!! GO LEPRACHAN DEFENCE!!!!! LUCKY CHARMS!!!!"

o.O

O.o

-lucky from the lucky charm commercials tackles amber and shoves lucky charms down her throat-

O.O

"NYAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! NOW FOR MY ULTIMATE ATTACK!! LEPRACHAN DEFENCE!! LUCKY CHARM NUKE!!!!!"

" why are you screeching out attacks?"

"cuz i can!"

-the lucky charms explode in amber's throat and she disappears-

O.O'

-amber reforms in front of them- "that was stupid... those things taste like crap!"

o.O

"you..you survived my marshmallows and leprachan... REVENGE!!!!!" -shoves her hand down her throat-

" why are you shoving your own hand down your own throat?"

"ermm... NUMMY!!!" -chews hand and swalows it-

o.O

XD

" THE ACID!! MY HAND IS BEING DIGESTED!!! AND ITS STILL ATACHED TO MY ARM!!!!!!"

And sasuke decided not to kill sakura, because she probably would kill herself somehow. and amber just randomly decided to watch them, because her cable was out.

ummm... is the story done? oh, wait, nope! Back to Naruto!

Naruto only had to look at everyone for 2 seconds before he quickly fell into a coma. Itachi then went over to him.

" Who the Heck are you, lil grasshopper?" he questioned the now unconcious Naruto. And, of course, Naruto didnt answer. This angered the Uchiha and he poured all his lavender nailpolish down Naruto's throat. A couple seconds later, Itachi realized what he had done and mourned the loss of his nailpolish. Then Kakashi flung Naruto across Konoha.

" NO!! WE DO NOT WISH FOR FRUIT SNACKS!!! STOP ASKING!!!" he screeched at Naruto. Asuma just kept dancing in the middle of the room. Gai decided to eat some of his fruit he had gotten from a student of his before he resumed dancing.

now am i done? am i? nobody knows... mysterious...

**sasuke: shut up. yes, its over.**

**oh... hey! that was way too short for a couple month of lazing around typing at random intervals!**

**amber: never again.**

**naruto: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!! i didnt even ask kakashi the question...**

**amber: seriously, lucky charms?**

**i dont own the lucky charms cereal company or naruto! i **_**do**_** own most of the randomness and this disclaimer however! **

**sasuke: it took a long time for this chapter...**

**gaara: more then half of that story was about sasuke.**

**sasuke: thats because im awsome.**

**gaara: no. youre retarded, emo, and gay.**

**sasuke: like you?**

**gaara: wanna make out?**

**everyone: O.O**

**sasuke: ummm... no. eew.**

**gaara: -sniffle- ok then -cries in emo corner-**

**ok... IM SORRY THIS CHAPTER TOOK FOREVER!!!!!**


	7. It's not Vegas, Sasuke

**And we're back! **

**Sasuke: Isn't that grand?**

**Indeed And I have an almost-good reason for being late. You see, I got this fancy new computer! And since this is on the old computer I didn't get on for a while. Then the old computer got this virus thingy and I had to kill it. But, somehow, The chapter stayed on. However, I didn't know that, so I mourned the loss of my dead chapter. Then, I found it and was all "SPLEE!!!" So here I am Now. **

**Itachi: She's had this chapter on the computer for almost 2 months.**

**Gai: YAH! -munches on fruit-**

**Lee: OMG GAI-SENSEI!!!!!!! YOUR SO HEALTH-RIFICAL!!!!!!!!! -joins in fruit munching-**

**Everyone Else: o.O**

**Wow... Wierd. **

**Gaara: I will eat you!**

**Amber: Don't worry, Gaara's joking... I hope.**

**I want muffins. And a panda! Can i have a panda!? I WANT CANDYYY!!**

**Sasuke: Just start already!**

Twas an ordinary afternoon in Konoha. Okay, actually, i lied. Nothing is ever ordinary in Konoha. Haha! Fooled you. Anyways, Naruto had decided on going to Gai's house. He probably was there by now. When Naruto entered through those bright green spandex covered doors, however, he wished he hadn't come. First of all, he didnt know Gai was so rich. There was his own private gym, A track, about 14 robots working around the yard, and A huge fruit basket. It was amazing. Naruto went over to a fountian, and found that it was filled with ramen. This overjoyed the little hyper blonde kid and he jumped in. Then he began to drown. But before he died, Lee jumped in to save him.

"Thanks lee. seriously, i never knew ramen could be so deadly" Naruto began. Lee just gave him a thumbs up and a big hug. A Really big hug. like, a really really really big one that could make a bear proud. Then Naruto couldn't breathe, poor thing.

" Oh My Goodness! Why are you blue Naruto!?!?" Lee screamed.Naruto couldn't answer of course, so Lee let go of him. Naruto was officially unconcious. and Lee was sad. The he started yelling "My poor orange little-" but before he could finish Gai jumped out and tackled naruto unconcious body.

"What orange!? I quest for no orange, only purple! Give it!!" Gai cackled. Then Lee and Gai hugged and ran off into the sunset, even though it was only noon.

--Back to Sasuke and people!--

Sasuke and Amber walked around Gaara's giant sand castle in silence. They were hoping Sakura wouldn't show up, but they knew she probably will anyway. Suddenly, Sakura popped up in front of Sasuke.

"HELLO SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sakura yelled while twitching uncontrollably. He stared at her for a moment before replying.

" Sakura, what the hell?"

" WHAT!? CAN I HAVE A PUPPY TOO!?"

" um..." Sasuke didnt know what to say, so Amber talked to her instead.

"He means, why are you working for Gaara."

" Who?"

" Gaara of the Desert? Remember? He owns this friggin castle."

"Oh yeah! Nyahahahahahahahaha! He promised me I would be a model after he ruled the world."

Sasuke stared at Sakura even more. "No way. You can't be a model, sorry. You have to be pretty or talented to be a model. Even I know that." Amber stared at Sasuke.

" You are so wierd..." but before Sasuke could retaliate, they somehow ended up at Gai's wonderous mansion. "Where are we now? Vegas? Where's the Black Jack?"

Amber sighed. This was obviously Gai's house. Even she could see that, and she isn't familiar with konoha. But it did look like one big Casino. Or a fitness gym. Whatever. Amber then spotted a blonde apparently unconcious.

"Who's that?" She pointed out.

"Oh that's Naruto... Hey! What's Naruto doin' in Vegas? Naruto!" Sasuke ran over to him and threw him into the Ramen fountian. That'll wake him up! And it did. Naruto jumped out of the fountian and glared at Sasuke.

" What are you doing here!? I thought Gaara had you captured. Where is he, anyway?" Naruto asked. And everyone started looking around. Where did Gaara go? Sasuke and Naruto searched in Gai's mansion and Gaaras castle, While Amber looked around at the mall. Which was where she met Orochimaru.

" Hello, do you know where my monkey is?" Orochimaru asked Amber.

"Your monkey? Who the hell are you!?"

"Im Orochimaru the Great! And yes, my monkey. Oh, there he is! Mooonkeyyy!!!!" Orochimaru yelled to Kabuto, who was wandering aimlessly without his glasses. Kabuto then looked over at Orochimaru

"Is that a buffalo?" he asked himself. Poor guy, without his glasses he's almost entirely blind! Kabuto went over to Orochimaru and poked him.

"Nice buffalo!" Kabuto said, giving him odd looks from both Orochimaru and Amber.

"Monkey dearey, I am no buffalo! I am the Gumdrop King!"

"He isn't a monkey, and you aren't the gumdrop king. Is everyone here stupid?" Amber sighed and left, not noticing Gaara in the emo corner.

Naruto was quite bored. He and Sasuke were walking to the mall to find Amber.Then, Naruto got an idea. What if he kept saying 'are we there yet' over and over again? surely, that would help them get there faster!

"Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet? Are We There Yet? Are We Th-"

"NO!!!! BE QUIET!!!" Sasuke glared at Naruto. "You are so stupid!" This silenced Naruto. Not only that, but he wanted to see who was in the emo corner. Is that Gaara in a Salmon suit?

**Hey, I think this chapter was longer... Um, okay, anyhoo, Im going to try to end this fanfic eventually. its becoming a pointless/plotless thing-a-ma-jig. -sigh- And im very lazy. Lazier then Shikamaru, actually.**

**Sasuke: Too lazy.**

**Shut up, Sasuke.**

**Itachi: I want gingerbread cookies. **

**Amber: I hate gingerbread cookies. **

**Gaara: For anyone who's curious, this was written at almost 9:30 pm.**

**Sasuke: This chapter brought to you by the letter W!!!!!**

**Everyone except Amber:YAAAY!!!!**

**Amber: -twitch- This is so wierd...**

**Yah! So read and review and SAVE THE MUSHROOMS!!!!!!! **

**... but I'd rather you just read and review. :)**

**Nighty-Night!!! OR GOOD MORNING!!!!! WHATEVER!!!!! 8D**


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Naruto, Humor, Parody