Harry Potter 1. Murphy was an Optimist

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the associated works. I also do not own Palladium Books or any of their works. I am just having a bit of perverse fun.

A/N: Yes, I am doing a sort of self insertion Fic, no it won't be a Gary Stu, Scott-Harry will have at least as many flaws as I have as well as Harry's. This is inspired by a few other stories, elements have been borrowed and worked with, But I am hoping to make this unique.

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><p>Scott looked around the waiting room and sighed. He still wasn't sure just how he had arrived. One moment he was moving to push his best friend away from the intake of the chipper, the next he was in this rather posh lounge. It was obviously a waiting room of some sort, especially given the other people who were sitting here and the way they called numbers. He'd tried to ask the receptionist just what was going on, but he'd just been given a form to fill out and a number.<p>

"One hundred eighteen." The receptionist's voice droned out as she called out to the room. Aside from her dark hair and gender, anyone would be hard pressed to recall anything about her.

"Been waiting long."

Scott had been startled when one of the others spoke to him. Looking over to the source of the voice he had nearly jumped out of his skin. Sitting not a few places away from his was what he could only describe as a goblin. He'd never actually believed in Goblins before, but there was no denying the creature's appearance.

"Uhm…not really. I seemed to arrive just a bit ago." Scott barely kept himself from stuttering. "I'm sorry, Scott Anderson."

"And I am Griphook." The Goblin responded. "You're lucky, I have been here a month. My case manager is probably furious I'm here again. I keep telling him that the Potter kid never asks for help the way he is supposed to. I can't be blamed for not remembering not to screw him over. It's what we Goblins do. So of course I end up dead…again…meaning I am back here."

"I…uh…pushed my friend away from the intake of a wood-chipper." Scott frowned as he started putting things together. If had simply been hurt he would have woke up in a hospital. The only alternatives were a mental ward and dead. He knew the local mental ward from visiting his father during his short breakdown. It looked nothing like this place. "Guess I fell in."

"Ah, self sacrifice. They tend to turn back the clock on people who have a Destiny. So you could be back home soon." Griphook offered with a shrug. "Probably earn yourself a perk. Though, they usually handle cases like yours without bringing you here, so I could be wrong."

"One hundred nineteen."

"That's me." Scott said and frowned as he realized that Griphook had not been called yet. "Here, take mine, I'll take yours."

"You're sure?" Griphook looked far too hopeful on hearing that. He was afraid the offer would be rescinded. "My number is nine hundred two. They restart it each day just to punish me a bit more."

"I'm sure." Scott said after a moment. "I'll just get a new number in an hour or so."

"Clever, and thank you." Griphook grinned as he snatched the number then started towards the open door. "Mr. Anderson, If I meet you again, I will owe you greatly."

"No worries, Master Griphook, I know you would repay in kind."

* * *

><p>A few days later<p>

"I'm sorry, I think I lost my number or it got switched with someone else's." Scott flashed his most charming smile at the woman behind the desk. He was a gentle giant of a man, standing well over six feet tall and quite hefty. It often helped with these situations as not many people wanted to see if he had a temper. "I'm pretty sure it was not nine oh two when I got the first slip."

"Hmmm, full name?" The receptionist did not smile at all. "And put your hand on the plate."

"Scott David Anderson." Scott said as he found plate in question.

"Anderson…Anderson…Anderson. Ah, here we are." The receptionist said. "Whoa, you died about a century early. I'll buzz you through. You want Office 42."

"Thank you." Scott nodded as he headed through the door. His mind was so focused on the dead a century early that he almost missed the office he was looking for. Knocking politely on the door first he peered in after a moment. If the waiting room had been nice the office was amazing. Outside of movies depicting corner office suites Scott had never seen the like. Sitting behind the desk was perhaps one of the most beautiful women Scott had ever seen. Olive complexion, raven hair and deep brown eyes marked her as Mediterranean, possibly Greek. "Uhm, I was sent back here."

"Ah, Mister Anderson, somehow dead a century early and still cannot make it to my office in less than three days. I am Director Naumes." The acerbic tone of Director Naumes clashed with the cheery office the woman kept. "Between Potter, Summers, Son, and Jackson I have enough problems without adding your recent hijinks to the list."

"What I was supposed to let David die?"Scott had never been one to lie down and take a bollocking. He especially wasn't going to do so when he did something he thought was right.

"In a word: Yes. I know David was your friend, but it was his time. The chipper would have been less painful than the stomach cancer that he was diagnosed with a few days before." Director Naumes shot back with a steely glare. "Now, thanks to the fact that you missed your first appointment, we've had to cure that for him. We had one window to get you back there and you blew it."

"Blew it?"

"When you gave your ticket to Griphook." Naumes snarled. "Sure, another selfless deed under your belt. You're as bad as the other four that way." Getting up she walked over to the bar and grabbed a tumbler and poured herself two fingers of scotch. "Listen, Scott, you have enough good karma under your belt that in a few weeks you were about to meet the woman of your dreams. In a month you'd be married and spending your honeymoon with her and her two girlfriends who she shares everything with. You would have died at the age of one hundred and forty thanks to a heart attack during a foursome, your wife and girlfriends joining you in the afterlife. Well, you managed to completely screw the pooch on that life."

"So, no rewinding my life and putting it back on track?"

"In two words: Fuck No!" Naumes drank the scotch then decided perhaps Vodka would be a better idea. "Your universe is very limited in magical energy, not the amount but how much can be fiddle. Sure, the Boss could get it done, but he's already laid down the mysterious ways line when I asked." Downing a shot of the really hard stuff she continues. "Seems we can't send you back or let you go forward. Well, not the normal way."

"What?"

"Well, while I was distracted with your mess, one of my most important clients managed to make your catastrophe look like spilled milk." Naumes pour another shot and downed it. "Potter decided he had enough. Little blighter buggered off to Heaven without waiting for his appointment. Bloody Pillock has us all over the barrel just waiting for the Bollocking from the Boss."

"And this has what to do with me how?" Scott had to admit Naumes could hold her liquor. Sure he could have done that much and barely even feel tipsy, but she was smaller than he was.

"Well, since you are here and supposed to live another hundred years minimum, we're sending you to live his life." Naumes grinned. "Congratulations, you have been upgraded from Zero to Hero."

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Back your freight train up. It sounded like your sending me to live someone's life. Someone you admit had it bad enough he just skipped off to Heaven and didn't even try to go back." He'd never been a dumb man and at this moment he was putting the pieces together quickly. "After I have just performed two pretty selfless deeds no less."

"Yeah, you have a point. You got enough Good Karma stored up that we really couldn't force you to do this. Not Heaven levels of Karma, but good enough for the better parts of afterlife." Naumes sighed. "So we're gonna use a little emotional blackmail and bribery."

"You know, telling me that before you do it is not gonna help you any."

"We'll see. Now, let's start with the basics. I know you are familiar with the idea of the Multiverse. Well, each work of fiction is merely the history of a different universe. From that Core Universe are a myriad of alternate universes." Sitting in her comfortable chair, Naumes continued her explanation. "Well, Potter is Harry Potter…well Harry James Potter of JKR-HP-13432-APH. An alternate reality of the main Harry Potter universe, there are differences but they are mostly cosmetic due to the Cosmic Entity that spawned the first difference. Seems the being that your world calls Aphrodite blessed that world, every woman is at least marginally more attractive. Ugly girls just do not exist naturally there, though some manage it through sheer force of personality. Still, it mostly follows the same story line as the series of Novels. Well, this Harry Potter did not wait in the King's Cross like he was supposed to. Little Blighter built enough Karma to enter heaven four or five times over. Now, since he is in Heaven, which you really cannot pull souls out of, we need a replacement."

"Why not a different Harry Potter that died in another universe?" Scott asked at that point, it seemed only logical.

"Bad idea, the last time we did something like that…well it triggered the Infinite Crisis and One More Day. The Boss was PISSED. I hear that He sent the Fates in charge of that somewhere even Lucifer dares not tread." Naumes shuddered as she thought of the Place of Infinite Teletubbies. "So that option is out, at least as far as this goes."

"Still not seeing how this is emotional blackmail." Scott sighed. "I liked the books, but I wasn't that attached."

"Really? You don't care that a world you immersed yourself in is going to suffer horribly under Voldemort? This isn't just a work of fiction anymore. This is real people, and as much as you could claim they are imaginary, you no longer believe that."

Scott squirmed in his seat. He'd always had an overactive imagination and it was working against him.

"Plus we know how you feel about certain pairings. It's all in your file. We can send you back far enough you can keep those mistakes from happening." Naumes chuckled as she pulled out the bigger gun on the blackmail.

"Now that is low." Scott grunted. "I expect a lot of perks."

"Such as?"

"Oh no, you tell me just what you are planning first." Scott had learned long ago that you had to play hardball to get what you want.

"Well, all of Harry's memories is standard, his magical power, and a full Hogwarts education out to 7th year." Naumes started with the offer. "Since he never initiated them, we transfer all Soul Bonds to you as well as Life Debts. To avoid confusing you, when you assume Harry's life you'll think of yourself as Harry. And we will use a bit of magic to rename you. Harry Scott James Potter."

"Before I start asking for things, what year are you sending me back to?"

"Nineteen Ninety Three, just after Harry blew up Aunt Marge. Can't risk you killing her, even if she does deserve it."

Scott considered for a moment. From that point he could definitely work quite a bit of changes. Being twelve going on thirteen would not be his favorite thing, but it was a fair tradeoff. It was also at a point that Harry was well and truly alone and away from minders. Sirius was nearby, but that could work in his favor. Thinking for a moment he smiled as plans formed.

"I want full Auror and Hitwizard training, at least the skills if I can't have the conditioning. I want Mastery in Palladium Megaverse Incantations, Circle Magic, Rune Wards, Alchemy, and Technowizardry. Have them all fueled by standard Wizarding magic. I'm supposed to have a Power He Knows Not, and I deriously doubt that is love and I am not banking on Hallows, because I'd bet my second like the real Harry is still their Master." Scott started his demands "I need a method of Interdimensional contact with Naruni Enterprises and the Splynn Dimensional Market Place. I definitely need Occlumency training in his head. I can't have my secrets leaking. Oh and change my electives to Ancient Runes, Arithmancy and Care of Magical Creatures. Divination will be pointless."

"That wasn't half as bad as I imagined. What's negotiable?"

"None of it. That is what I will have to do this, and I will point out you need me for this. I'm not asking for anything world breaking. I figure my Karma will cover it." Scott could not help the Shark-like smile on his face. "Now, do we have a deal."

"Done." Naumes smiled. "But there is a cost. We were going to tell you about a few of the things that made this Harry's life a hell, but you'll have more fun in the dark."

"What? Oh fuck…" Scott muttered as his vision hazed over and he felt a pull on his navel. 

* * *

><p>Back on Earth<p>

Harry stumbled with his trunks spilling ass over tea-kettle for a moment. His head hits the pavement hard enough to cause a momentary black out. Thankfully a certain Grim kept anything from approaching the boy as he lay recuperating. In only a few minutes, Harry sat up, his life changed forever by the things he knew. Or at least thought he knew. It was a little confusing with the slight headache he had.

"Well, let's try this. _Tag Kurvan._" If his memories were correct the incantation to remove the Trace from his Holly Wand would be wandless magic. Seeing the expected blue glow, Harry chuckled. It seemed as if some of the knowledge he just learned was indeed correct. Flicking his now untraceable wand to his trunk he smiled as the wordless shrinking charm took effect. In moments it was safely stowed in his pocket and charmed to be untouchable except by him. "Well, now to locate my wayward guardian."

In the bushes not twenty feet away, Padfoot watched his Godson with no small amount of pride. He himself knew the spell to remove the Trace, he had been a Hitwizard at one point. So he recognized what Harry had done and his inner Marauder was cheering. Then the lad had wordlessly shrunk his own trunk. Sirius had not been able to do that so neatly until his sixth year. He'd been so wrapped up in comparing Harry to both James and Lily that he didn't realize that Harry had been calling his name for the last minute.

"Come on Padfoot, I know you are out there. I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Harry repeated the phrase from a memory that should not happen for a few more months. "We have a lot to discuss, like your innocence and my need for a safe home."

Now Sirius was truly confused. His Godson knew the code phrase and that he was innocent. The two things were nearly impossible. Remus would have had to the teach him the phrase and his former friend believed he was guilty. The only person alive to know he was innocent would likely have lied through his teeth. Not to mention while he had caught scent of Scabbers around Harry it wasn't particularly strong.

"Bloody Hell, Sirius Black, your godson needs your help, now get your arse out here." Harry was fed up with waiting. He had things he wished to do. One of them was get to a good place to hunker down. While the place he had in mind was filthy, he could easily get Dobby and Kreacher to clean it.

Padfoot laid his ears back as he felt the Godfather oath begin to remind him subtly that he needed to act. Well, subtle if you consider a red hot poker to the brain to be so. Taking a few steps forward he was glad the pain was lessening. However it would not fad until he was practically sitting at Harry's feet.

"Well, no offense meant, but you look like Hell. I'm surprised Animal Control hasn't picked you up and tried treating you." Harry shook his head. Hearing Padfoot whimper, Harry chuckled at the man's antics. "Okay, Padfoot, we need to go to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Yes, I know about it and I will tell you how in a little bit."

To say Sirius was confused would be akin to stating the Sun was a bright object in the sky. His Godson was definitely not acting his age. That more than his knowledge over his Marauder name and his Animagus form, concerned him. Remus could have decided to set a trap for him, but the old wolf did not react well to Polyjuice. He'd be puking his guts out at this very moment.

"Well, since you haven't offered I guess I'll have to try it." Harry chuckled as he grabbed the scruff of Padfoot's neck and started the Apparation. Hermione was better at side along, but Harry could do it pretty well. Of course his landings still stunk. On arrival in the Kitchen at 12 Grimmauld, Harry fell on his ass only to chuckle at the site of Padfoot suddenly on his back and flailing to get up. "Sorry about that. I never splinch anyone, but whenever I sidealong we arrive in a heap."

"Who are you and what have you done to my Godson?" Sirius had enough, flowing out of his Grim form he loomed over Harry in what was meant to be an intimidating fashion. Of course the fact he was still emaciated did not help him much.

"I am Harry Scott James Potter." Harry said as he looked in the man's eyes. He knew that Sirius was quite adept at reading truth from eye movements.

Sirius was confused. Harry was still just a child. He should not be able to apparate, let alone do so to a place he had never been. So this had to be an imposter, except no imposter he knew of could lie that easily. They all had tells, even the sociopathic ones like his cousin. Harry really was Harry, as far as the child believed.

Of course, since they were not alone in the Black House, Sirius never got to respond immediately. He was set upon by a half crazed House Elf who thought he was a burglar. That that House Elf was using a soft pillow to beat the 'burglar' just made the scene a little crazier.

"Kreacher not let thieves take Mistress's Silver." The Elf raged as he continued smacking Sirius. "Kreacher keeping house safe until Bad Master returns."

"Bwahahahaha!" Harry had not been prepared for this. He'd completely forgotten just how crazy Kreacher really was. Seeing the little blighter beating a grown man into submission with a pillow was hysterical.

"Kreacher! Kreacher! Stop!" Sirius had barely been able to get out anything. The pillow didn't hurt, but when you were struck thirty or forty times in a minute it was disorientating. Once he had uttered the word stop, Kreacher had indeed done so. "Thank you Kreacher, for your dedication, but as you can see I am Sirius."

"Bad Master has returned?" Kreacher stared wide-eyed at the man. While he had basically insulted Sirius, his tone was hopeful. "Oh, Kreacher is both so Happy and so Sad. He has Master again, but is Bad Master. How can Kreacher serve?"

If Sirius was at all confused by Kreacher's actions he merely shrugged it off. Looking around he saw the Kitchen was not it's usually spotlessness. If the room Kreacher loved the most was like this, then he could only imagine the rest of the house. It was probably just short of being a disaster.

"First of all, Kreacher, I am no longer Bad Master. Just refer to me as Master Sirius. This is my Godson Harry. You call him Master Harry. Got it?" Sirius did his best to adopt the stern no-nonsense tone of his father. When the elf nodded vigorously he continued. "This House is a disgrace. It needs to be cleaned immediately. Begin in the Kitchen then a pair of bedrooms."

"Yes, Master Sirius, Kreacher obeys." Kreacher snapped his fingers and the dishes started washing themselves in the sink as he began getting a bucket and scrub brushes.

* * *

><p>Short While Later.<p>

"Now, I do believe you owe me an explanation, Harry." Sirius was no longer going to be put off. Harry had asked for the nickel tour of the Manor, and they came to an understanding with the portrait of Walburgia. One that involved her being a proper polite lady for guests, like a gracious hostess should, or Sirius would cast her out. "How does a 16 year old child know to Apparate? Let alone how does said child know my Animagus form and Marauder name?"

Harry was puzzled for a moment. He was sixteen? How did he miss that? Searching his memories he found the answer. One of the many minor differences of this world was ages. Hogwarts started at fourteen. Wizards were not considered of age until they were twenty. He had been four when Voldemort had been defeated the first time, though he had no real concrete memories of that age. Not too uncommon, but still troubling.

"Well, it's a long story, but it starts a few years from now." Harry began explaining the future history of the world as far as he knew of it. Aside from the age differences and the fact that every girl in Hogwarts was drop dead gorgeous, it was little different from books he could remember reading in another life. He left out the parts of certain relationships. No way was he letting Tonks be hurt by Remus or let Fleur make the mistake she did with Bill. The less said of Ron and Hermione the better, he'd have to steer his Best Mater towards the right girl. What he would do with his Best Friend had to be much more subtle. "…And that is about all of it."

"So, you came back to save the people who died?" Sirius asked cautiously after a moment. "So why right now?"

"Well, little four year old me wouldn't be able to do all of much. Sure, I probably could have redone First or Second year, but really those events really helped me bond to my Best Friend and Best Mate. This year I can make changes that will help everyone." Harry shrugged as he didn't want to discuss the fact that he was really a different Harry, but the same. "Though, I have to wonder why you believe me."

"Oh, well there is a reason you are sitting in that chair." Sirius chuckled as if he'd managed a marvelous prank. "My grandfather was a paranoid bastard, so he enspelled that chair so that whoever is seated would not be heard if they attempted to lie. Of course it is limited, only fabrications and direct lies are silenced. Lies of omission are still very possible. Not that it matters if you made any, what you have told me is horrifying enough."

"I knew you were much cannier than most people expect." Harry chuckled. He was glad to see that Sirius was thinking things through rather than be rash. "My question is this who cast the Fidelus on my parents house?"

"Actually, Lily and James did as they owned the property. Otherwise one of them would have been Secret Keeper." Sirius explained. "Which reminds me, I should cast the Fidelus here if I can find someone safe to be the Secret Keeper."

"Why not me?"

"No good, you are my Heir and thus will likely have to help with the spellcasting." Sirius scratched his unkempt beard as he pondered it. "I would offer it to Remus, but it's too obvious a choice and there are side-effects of Wolfsbane Potion that make it easier to pry information out of someone. We need someone that nobody would expect"

"I have just the person in mind and I owe him a brighter future." Harry smiled widely as he thought of it. "Dobby!"

"The Great Harry Scott James Potter calls Dobby?" It did not even take a moment for Dobby to appear. The elf was almost dancing with glee.

"Dobby, you are my friend, call me Harry. I was wondering, Dobby, if you would want to be my personal elf." Harry knew what the response would be. "There are stipulations. You'll have to wear a uniform befitting your station as my friend and trusted retainer. You will never punish yourself again. Finally, you will accept an allowance. No, it is not pay, but money you can use to buy yourself treats or save to purchase Birthday and Christmas gifts."

"Dobby would be the Great Harry Potter's personal Elf? Be his friend? And Dobby gets to give giftses to the Great Harry Potter and his Grangy and the Weasys?" If Dobby had seemed excited on just being called, what he was exhibiting now could only be considered utter rapture. The Elf seemed to be vibrating in place for a moment, but then he stilled and got a serious look. "Dobby has demands of his own. Dobby knows he is friend, but wants to call Harry Master Harry in public. Dobby demands no days off. Dobby also wants to tend to Harry at Hoggywarts."

"Alright. Done." Harry extended his hand and smiled as Dobby resolutely took it. "Now, Dobby, this is my Godfather Sirius Black and we are in his home. Currently Kreacher is cleaning the Kitchen. Kreacher will tend to Sirius, and you tend to me. You can trade off on cooking meals. Now, I am sure my Godfather is just as hungry as I am. Could you start a nice English Breakfast for us?"

"Dobby will be happy to get breakfast for Master Harry and his DogFather." With that the Elf popped away.

"So that is Dobby. Well, from what you told me he was devoted to you even before you bound him." Sirius chuckled. "A House Elf as a Secret Keeper, I doubt any Pureblood would have ever thought of that. Hell, I am sure that you're the only person who would. It's perfect."

"Thank you." Harry chuckled. "Now, we have to discuss plans. We only have a few years before we have another Wizarding War. I for one want to make this one decisive. I want the next Dark Lord wannabe quake in his boots when he contemplates crossing the line."

* * *

><p>Minister's Office<p>

"Cornelius, I am not pleased with your decision." Albus Dumbledore did not like using this tone of voice. It was the tone of deep disappointment and anger. Unfortunately in the years since Minister Fudge's election as Minister of Magic, he had to use it all too often. And most of those times it was in the office of the very man he was speaking to. "I requested a few Aurors and squad of Hitwizards to help patrol Hogwarts, not two Leagues of Dementors. Dear Merlin, this is a school full of children, not a prison."

"And I told you, Headmaster Dumbledore, I simply cannot spare the Aurors or Hitwizards to patrol the school. There have been severe budget cuts in order to prepare for the World Cup and the Tri-Wizard Tournament. I have had to lay off a third of the force." Cornelius was not enjoying being called to task on this. He'd made the decisions he could to maintain his office. "The Dementors are more than capable of finding Sirius Black. I have the backing of the Department of Dark Creatures and the Board of Governors. You will just be forced to accept what I can give you."

"No Dementor is to enter the wards of Hogwarts or Hogsmeade. If they are to patrol they can do so at the boarders. I cannot risk a Dementor being tempted to feed on the students." Albus responded as he realized that no matter what he said now, he would not get the results he truly wanted.

* * *

><p>The Burrow<p>

Molly Weasley peered into her cauldron and stirred twice counter clockwise. After a moment the milky brew became transparent. Smiling warmly she extinguished the fire under the potion. "Ah, just perfect. Now to let it cool before I make the icing."

"Ah, I see you have Harry and Hermione's potion ready, Mollywobbles. Are you sure this will carry them through the year?" Arthur Weasley came up behind his wife, wrapping her in an embrace. "We wouldn't want them falling under bad influences."

"Yes, love. The potions are perfect, we won't need to worry too much about them until Christmas." Molly smiled warmly. "Ronald will be sure to notify me if they wear off."

* * *

><p>Granger's Vacation Villa, French Riveria<p>

"What do you mean you want to pull me out of Hogwarts?" Hermione Granger was staring at her parents as if they had grown two heads. "You do realize that as a Muggleborn if I withdraw from school before my OWLs I will have my magic bound and be obliviated. They will obliviate you as well. For you it will just be a sense that you forgot something. For me it will be like a part of me was ripped away forever. Four out of five Witches who have their magic bound die in a year, and more than half by suicide."

"Actually, we had that explained to us rather forcefully by Professor McGonagall." Daniel Granger would never admit out loud he was afraid of his daughter when she was angry. He really didn't need to, as almost everyone who knew Hermione knew she could be scary when angered. "We are not pulling you from all schooling, Sweetheart. We merely wanted to send you to Beauxbatons this year. Your French is nearly perfect, and we thought you might like a year away from the danger."

"Danger?"

"Hermione, we're not stupid. We subscribed to the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler." Emma Granger responded. "We also discovered that some of our…eccentric…clients are Wizarding folk and your adventures are often brought up. We know about the Troll and Cerberus your first year and the Basilisk this last year. We are extremely grateful to Harry and Ron for being there for you and if it was not for other rumors we heard, we would trust them with your protection."

"What rumors? I have been writing Parvati and Lavendar constantly. I should have heard it first."

"This came from Cissy and Bell as we were performing their whitenings." Dan sighed. "The Ministry is posting Dementors at Hogwarts. That didn't mean anything to us, until we asked the Abbots. They feed off people's souls. Forgive me if I don't want my Princess anywhere near them."

"Oh." It was not often that Hermione was shut down so effectively. She knew in her parents place she would infinitely more protective. "How am I going to tell Harry? He'll feel abandoned."

"That might be a moot point. Headmistress Maxime told us there is fierce competition for the open slot in third year. We just wanted to prepare you for the possibility." Emma explained. "I know you are the best student of your year at Hogwarts, but remember what we taught you about getting accepted at Schools."

"I know, sometimes it is all about politics." Hermione said. Her competitive spirit would drive her to do her best in getting accepted, but her loyalty to Harry and Ron would keep her from being crushed if she didn't get the spot.

* * *

><p>Back at 12 Grimmauld<p>

Harry was surprised at how gracious Kreacher was being. While the Elf still liked to mutter insults, none of them were directly at anyone. Had two years alone with Walburgia driven him that far over the edge? Whatever the reason, Kereacher had allowed Dobby to cook for Sirius, but then insisted serving the tray of food himself. Then when Dobby proclaimed he would clean Harry's room and bath, Kreacher had merely nodded and commented it would let him take care of Sirius.

"It's strange. The Kreacher I remember from the future was a blighter." Harry commented to Sirius who was enjoying the sensation of a full stomach. They had eaten slowly so as to avoid most of the problems with gorging after deprivation. "Now he seems almost happy to serve instead of barely tolerating us."

"Well, from what you explained he had two years of the shrieking harpy I call Mother in his ear." Sirius said after a moment. "I doubt he was even slightly sane by then."

"Good point." Harry nodded. "Now, we need a solid plan of how to clear your name and still let Pettigrew free."

"Why would we let the sneaky rat free?" Sirius' snarl was nearly as bad as when he was a Grim. "If we can get the little snitch Kissed, he won't raise Voldemort in the Cemetery."

"Exactly, which means it will be someone else. Someone who would likely slit my throat to get the blood." Harry responded. "If we let the Rat go, we know when and where Voldemort will return. Otherwise we have nothing."

"Shite, I did not even think of that." Sirius groaned. "This is going to be a right wobbler of a mess."

"No kidding, and getting your freedom is only the start." Harry sighed as he put his head in hands for a moment. "There are so many other things I have to deal with. Like is Dumbledore trying to manipulate me into dying so he can take out Voldemort? Why does Ron suddenly turn into a Jealous git in my fourth year? Why did Bellatrix cast a stunner at you and look horrified when you fell through the veil?"

"Yeah, kinda wondering that myself." Sirius shook his head as he imagined the scene. He could actually picture it as if he lived it before. That thought scared him a bit.

* * *

><p>AN:

Now here is where I beg you to review. I also would like your opinions on who Harry-Scott should end up with. I'm telling you Ginny and Hermione are right out. Neither will be bashed at all, but I really would not date either so no way in hell. Now, I do have a good idea of who the new Harry really wants to pursue, but I love having reviewer input.

For those of you wondering, the Palladium Universe is part of a Pen & Paper RPG produced by Palladium Books. There will not be a huge cross over, just some stuff Harry-Scott thinks would be incredibly useful in his plans.


	2. Of Lordships and Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any associated works. I also do not own Palladium Books inc.

Albus Brian Percival Wulfric Dumbledore was having one those mornings that would drive a man to drink. He had returned from a late night meeting with the Minister of Magic to find certain instruments monitoring Harry Potter to be malfunctioning. Checking his other devices he noted the Blood Wards were still strong. Too tired to run diagnostic spells over everything, he reminded himself the wards would keep Harry safe. Now this morning, it seemed as if every device simply stopped working. A quick trip to Privet Drive told him the Blood Wards were indeed gone. This was troubling as the Wards effectively hid Harry better than a Fidelus Charm, anyone with any magical power could not remember where Harry Potter lived if they meant him physical harm. With that layer of protection gone, Albus was afraid that somehow Voldemort's Death Eaters might find and kill the child. He had worked too long and too hard to see that happen.

"Fawkes?" Dumbledore called to his oldest living friend. Hearing the magnificent phoenix trill a reply, he continued. "The wards are gone, my friend. Harry will need her complete protection."

Fawkes regarded the Albus for a moment, then nodded. He had agreed to the plan his human had devised. It was just far earlier than he imagined. He believed the Hatchling was worthy, especially after risking his life for another. However this part of the plan called for things that he was unsure the Hatchling was ready for.

* * *

><p>"I must say, I am very impressed with muggle Dentistry. A potion to get the same results would be hundreds of galleons and work half as well." Narcissa admired her smile in the mirror. "Do you think they are taking our warning seriously?"<p>

"They are parents, of course they are." Bellatrix looked up from her book for a moment. "I may have also used a compulsion charm to encourage researching the problem." Seeing the reproachful look from her sister she continued on. "I have worked far too hard on this, for one of those Abominations to kill either Harry or Sirius."

Working hard on her plan was an understatement for what Bellatrix had done. While she was a Dark Witch through and through, Bellatrix did not ascribe to blood purity. Unlike her Cousin, she kept her views hidden from the family. This allowed her to remain a Black, but had condemned her to a fate that made banishment tame. Becoming the contracted wife of Rudolphus Lestrange had been bad enough, but adding his brother to the mix made it worse. She had hastily constructed a Simulacrum that would take her place in the wedding bed as well as service to Voldemort. Her reasoning was simple, she had her own ambitions, and she knew her Husband, his foul brother and Voldemort would not support her in them. It had proven prudent as well, since her Simulacrum was now sitting in Azkaban thanks to her the idiot she was forced to marry.

"I would think you would not mind Sirius dying and leaving Harry as Lord Black." Narcissa had no illusions her son would be the next Lord Black. He was far too spoiled and cruel to endear himself to Sirius. She still loved her son very much, but prayed for the day he would change. "He would easily manipulated into granting an Annulment."

"Very true, but making a child Lord Black before some of the damage his so-called family inflicted on him is dealt with would be a disaster. The boy was obviously abused mentally, physically and emotionally." Bella sighed as she thought of all the times she pretended to be Arabella Fig and watched the boy. "Sirius can help him with the Love he has never received and prepare him against the manipulations many young witches and their mothers."

"Like yourself." Narcissa rolled her eyes. Her sister had not fooled her for a moment. All those Galleons for best in anti-aging potions, body enhancement elixirs, and even a few beauty draughts were not spent out of vanity. Both sisters barely looked a day over twenty five, despite the fact that Narcissa as the younger sister was nearing forty. "You've always set your cap for the most powerful Wizard. I wonder if Croaker still has the photo you sent him. Even at his age being propositioned via letter must have been flattering. I always wondered why you did not attempt to carry Voldemort's spawn."

"He's completely sterile." Bellatrix responded as if it were common knowledge. "One of his first Dark Rituals to increase his power cost him the ability to sire children. And you had seen what he had done to his manhood? I am Dark, but I would never even dream of using my sex as a way of sacrificing witches and wizards."

"You mean it is permanently like that? Merciful Merlin, what kind of monster did our husbands serve?"

* * *

><p>Hermione stumbled a bit as she came out of the Floo. She had long ago decided she hated all forms of magical travel. Well not hated, but seriously disliked. After all they treated her only slightly better than they did Harry. Instead of taking in the impressive foyer she was standing in, she quickly checked her clothes for soot marks.<p>

"That is not necessary. Beauxbatons' Floos are enchanted to automatically remove soot." A very melodious voice seemed almost amused as she relayed the fact. Stepping into Hermione's line of sight was girl far too young to be thinking of magical schools, at least from appearances. "You would be Hermione Granger, no? I am Gabrielle Delacour your competition for the open third year slot."

"But…you're eight!" Hermione could not help but blurt out. At this moment she knew how Ron felt when he put his foot in his mouth.

"No, I am actually fifteen. I am due for my Awakening in a few months." Gabrielle chuckled. Seeing the confused look on Hermione's face she took a little pity on her. "I am a Veela. I have looked this age since I actually was eight. In a few months I will rapidly develop through puberty. As the Americans say: It sucks. Though it could be worse, ma soeur, did not Awaken until she was seventeen. A sign of a truly powerful Veela and it has proven true."

"I am sorry, usually I am capable of keeping my outbursts to myself. Well, unless my friends do something stupid." Hermione chuckled a bit ruefully at that. "So, if I may ask, why are you attempting to skip a year?"

"No offense taken. The last competitor called me a little girl of no consequence. It was quite amusing when he lost the dueling portion of the test. He started spouting off about how his father would hear about this or something." Gabrielle chuckled as she gestured for Hermione to follow. "If you will follow me, I will tell you the sad story of the little Veela who is homeschooled."

* * *

><p>Finding Sirius a compatible wand had been a chore. The Blacks might have kept every wand of every family member going back fifteen hundred years, but most of those wands belonged to truly Dark Wizards and Witches. Even after a night's rest, a full bath, and a lumberjack breakfast, finding the right wand took up every spare bit of energy. Of course now that Sirius had a good one, he was happier. The 12 inch Australian Buloke with Dragon heartstring was good mostly for curses and jinxes, which suited Sirius fine as he had been the best Fighter of the Marauders.<p>

After what was a healthy lunch, the pair had decided to head to Gringotts for gold. With Harry using a Metamorphosis: Human spell to change his looks entirely and Sirius taking the form of a Grimm the trip through Diagon Alley was well beyond easy. Nobody even looked twice and Goblins could have cared less. With them not making a trip to the vault, Harry had only pulled out a thousand Galleons, which was well more than he needed for the Healers.

With the trip to Gringotts out of the way, the pair headed down into Knockturn Alley. Unlike what most people claimed, the Alley was safe. It was just the shops there were of a darker nature. That wasn't counting the brothel or the no questions asked Healers. Unlike St. Mungos which was half owned by the Minstry, the Greengrass Clinic did not report any maladies they were hired to cure. Nor did they report patients who might be wanted. Sure they were much more expensive, but the confidentiality was worth it. Which was why Harry was not sitting on and examination table waiting for the Healer.

"Ah, Mr. Potter, just what brings you to us today?" Emmaline Greengrass was a handsome older woman in her sixties. Unlike her niece she was warm and pleasant with pretty much everyone. "You haven't contracted anything from Madam Eloise's have you? Your Mother and Father had to be treated a few times, but not nearly as often as Remus or your Godfather."

"No, nothing from Madam Eloise's. Never been there." Harry replied, blushing a little, mostly because he learned something about his parents he wished he did not know. "I would like a general work up done. I have been…well, let's just say I won't mourn if Death Eaters take out my aunt and uncle. I also have another patient for you." At his point he motioned to Padfoot who wagged his tail. "He's been starved I think."

"Ah, I see. Blind old fool didn't check up on you, I would guess." Emmaline nodded as she began waving her wand over Harry's body. "As for you Sirius, I can't diagnose you like that. Unless you would prefer I have you fixed."

"Bloody Hell, why do you always threaten the bollocks?" Sirius wasted no time becoming human in form again. After all he did not want to see if Emmaline was kidding.

"Ah, there we are Mr. Black. I am glad to see you have managed to escape." Emmaline smiled as she motioned for the man to sit beside Harry. "Why they believed you would betray the Potters I'll never understand. Anyone with half a brain would remember the full page announcement you bought when you were named Harry's Godfather. There were more than a few women cooing over the picture of you doting on little Harry."

"Well, it would seem that War makes people very suspicious. Lord knows I actually doubted Remus' loyalty." Sirius shook his head sadly. "So I cannot blame others for doubting mine."

"You might very well be right." Emmaline sighed as she finished the scan. With a flick of her wand at her notepad a full diagram of Harry's injuries both past and current were inked into the paper. The Healer frowned as she read the results. "My Hippocratic Oath will be severely bent if I ever meet the people who housed you, Harry. Even if you were the most accident prone child to ever exist, most of these would still clearly be intentional injuries. You show signs of severe malnutrition including Rickets and Scurvy. You have damaged optic nerves that coincide with a skull fracture. Aside from your left arm, you seem to have at least one previously broken bone in each part of your body. Eight of your ribs have been cracked. Your nose was broken, twice. There is evidence of Acromantula Poisoning, Basilisk Poisoning, Phoenix Tears, Ambition Dulling Potions, Wit Dulling Potions, and I cannot begin to tell you what the scar is."

Sirius had been sitting there listening to the whole thing with a forced calm look on his face. He was beyond furious, but knew that if he rushed off he would likely be Kissed long before he got to the Dursleys. That still didn't mean he wasn't going to enact revenge, it just meant it would wait. "Can we purge the potions?"

"They are already being purged if my readings are correct. There are traces of Sweet Water in his system." Emmaline was quite surprised by that reading. "Sweet Water is an old Family recipe of a few of the Light and Dark families. It cleanses a body of harmful potions while leaving beneficial ones behind. As far as anyone knows the Potters, Malfoys, Blacks, Longbottoms, Parkinsons and the Delacours are the only surviving families that possess the recipe. It is exceedingly difficult to brew. Who has been giving you potions?"

"Just Madam Pomfrey." Harry responded. "Well, there was the Polyjuice Hermione brewed, but that is it."

"It seems you have a mysterious benefactor." Sirius replied a little darkly. While he did not brew the potion as he was rubbish at them, his cousins were not so handicapped. For a moment he wondered if perhaps one of them was protecting Harry.

* * *

><p>"And just what do you want?" Vernon Dursley snarled as he flung open the door. Immediately his reddened face paled significantly as he saw who was at the door. He remembered the last time he had angered the sallow skinned man. He'd spent the following week barely able to move from all the pain. Still the man hated the Boy more than he did, so that was made the greasy haired freak a little more respectable in his book. "The brat isn't here. He inflated my sister like a balloon and buggered off."<p>

"Obviously." Severus Snape drawled in a bored tone. "The Old Fool sent me here to check on him, but from the way the Ward crumbled it is obvious he is dead or runaway. Since you seem to be in a foul mood I would think it is the latter."

Vernon could not help but quail a bit at the way the man just casually walked past him, dismissing the far larger man as any sort of threat. It was always unnerving when Snape visited. Especially, as the freak enjoyed making him watch. "So you know he's gone. No reason to stick around."

"On the contrary, Vernon, since Potter has decided to renounce this hovel as home there is every reason for me to be here. I must collect the vials I left with you…all of them." Snape drawled as he started towards the stairs. "Of course I could be convinced to leave the beauty potions, provided you make an appreciative audience."

Vernon swallowed hard. Normally, his wife was a very unattractive woman. He loved Petunia, but honestly looking at her without the mild dosages of beauty potion was not for the weak of stomach. Snape had supplied the watered down potions in trade for dosing the Boy with a variety of potions. Once Vernon had gotten used to a wife that was marginally attractive, Snape had offered a different deal. For certain favors, potions that made Petunia into a goddess were made available. They only lasted a few hours, and both Vernon and Petunia were hooked. After a moment's contemplation Vernon nodded and started heading up the stairs after the Potions Master.

* * *

><p>Harry felt like a million galleons. While he had to continue a potions regimen for a few weeks, he already started to resemble a normal boy his age. Beside him his Godfather was looking much healthier. His adult body able to take the fast fix course without causing anymore harm. Of course before they could step out of the clinic, Harry had used the Metamorphosis Human spell on Sirius changing his features, but not his measurements. They would need to go shopping later after all.<p>

"Where are we headed, Harry?" Sirius was marveling at how a simple spell could alter his appearance so well. Despite being the same height and build, nobody had recognized him as Sirius Black. In fact a few muggled born thought he was Christopher Walken…whoever that was.

"The College of Arms. I need to claim my Lordships if possible. I figure Potter and Slytherin at the least." Harry chuckled at the slightly impressed look from his godfather. "I'm smart enough to know that Goblins handle the money and some soliciting. The Ministry would never trust them with records and contracts."

"Well, you are a step ahead of James then. He assumed that the Goblins handled it all." Sirius laughed a bit as he remembered just how naïve some of his friends had been. "I remember doing this as a baby with you. Though I do not remember Slytherin being one of the Houses you were Heir to."

"Right of Conquest, three times I have faced him and three times I have defeated him. No terms were called before our fights, so to the victor the spoils." Harry grinned. "Since Tom Riddle was of the Gaunt line, I suspect I will also claim that. As useless as it is."

"The Headship is worth another vote in the Wizengamot Upper House." Sirius responded after a moment of racking his brain. "And with me designating you as my heir, you can claim the Black vote as well. It needs to be taken away from Malfoy."

"I'd rather not claim the Black Lordship entirely, as Heir I can have the proxy replaced." Harry commented as they headed for the Diagon alley entrance to the Ministry. He could have used one of the Muggle world entrances, but he needed directions. "That should be enough, I imagine. Once I find a proxy I can trust, that is. Of course it will soon be ceded back to you."

"I would suggest Remus, but until we understand Dumbledore's aims, that may not be possible." Sirius ran his fingers through his hair smoothing it out a bit. "Perhaps my cousin Andromeda?"

"Excellent choice, she raised Nymphadora so she should be able to handle the Wizengamot." Harry chuckled as he remembered a few stories that he had heard in what was the future. "And she is a Black, so that should help her legitimacy."

"Exactly, though don't be alarmed when I use you as a human shield when we greet her. She's still furious with me for running off after Pettigrew instead of staying with you." Sirius tried to chuckle to hide his nervousness, but it did not really work. "The one time she sent me a letter she promised to remove my ability to procreate."

"Hmmm, and let me guess, more dangerous than Bella in a fight?"

"No, but I still would not wish to cross wands with her when she's angry." Sirius shook his head as he remembered how Andromeda had thoroughly trashed the Lestrange brothers for giving Bella a black eye on the wedding night.

The conversation came to an abrupt halt as they came to the security desk of the Ministry's Atrium. The bored looking guard did not even glance up from his copy of the Quibbler. Of course considering he looked like he could have gone to Hogwarts with Dumbledore, his boredom might have to do with the fact that nothing new happened all that often.

"Name and Business?" The aged security guard asked as he held out his hand. If not for the sign that told visitors they had to register their wands Harry was sure nobody would know what to do.

"Harry Scott James Potter. Heading to the College of Arms." Harry stated simply as he handed over his wand, grip first to show he trusted the guard.

"Eleven and three quarters Holly with Male Phoenix Feather. Been in use three years." The man stated simply. "College of arms is on the Tenth Floor in the Fire Hallway." The man continued on before a badge was spit out by the machine next to him. It read:

Harry Scott James Potter

Boy-Who-Lived

Let him do what he wants!

Harry snorted as he took the badge and pinned it to his robes. He was deciding whether he should keep it or not as he waited for Sirius to be cleared through security. He had to laugh when Sirius approached a few moments later in almost apoplectic fury. His own badge read:

Stubby Boardman

Bugbears Lead Singer

He will do anything for the Nookie!

"Must be a Lovegood." Was all Harry had to say as he led his Godfather to the elevators. "So…Stubby…did you actually give that name?"

"No, I said Christopher Walken, but I got this instead. I swear that damn machine is cursed with a horrible sense of humor." Sirius half snarled. "Let's get your Lordships and then check Magical Records and get out of here. I trust your spell work, but this place always made me uneasy. It's worse now that my biggest crush works here."

"Hmm, let's see who could that be?" Harry grinned as they got into the nearest lift. "Well, I know it is not Umbridge. Aside from Greyback nobody likes her. It's definitely not Hopkirk, she's pretty but about two years too young to even have met you in Hogwarts. Hmm, could it be Director of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones?"

"If there was ever a doubt you are James and Lily's son that destroys it. I swear they came to same damn conclusion." Sirius barked out a laugh as the lift doors closed. "And for your information…yes it most assuredly is Amelia. Not that I ever stood a chance with her even before my unjust incarceration."

"Well, I wouldn't say that. She has been single all these years, completely devoted to her profession. Even as intimidating as she can be she cannot lack for suitors. She is among the twenty most beautiful British Witches. And she is a loving, doting guardian for her Niece." Harry paused his description for a moment noticing the gimlet eye he was being given. "It would seem that she just hasn't found the right man yet. I would say once you are cleared that you stand an excellent chance."

"You know something." Sirius growled.

"Just the contents of her Last Will. Apparently, she had written it just after she found evidence of your innocence but before she could do anything with it." Harry replied with a shrug. "She hates red roses, but loves carnations. Oh and she likes Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate over Honeydukes according to Susan. Oh, and you might want to limber up, she does Yoga."

Sirius just stared at his godson for a long moment before breaking out into a wide grin. He'd dreamed of giving Harry dating advice, but the reality of being on the receiving end was even better than his imagination. "So yourself and Susan Bones?"

"Not the way you think. She was orphaned same as I was. Lost the last real family she had, just like I did. We leaned on each other to keep from falling over." Harry replied. "She offered, but I thought I had to die. I wasn't going to be the cause of her losing someone else she loved."

"And this time?" Sirius asked as the doors began to open.

"We'll see after we visit Contracts and Records." Harry strode out the elevator and turned to the south. For some reason each Ministry level was divided into four halls in the compass points. In a move only understood by the architect the halls were named for the four elements: North was Water, South was Fire, East was Earth and West was Air. Harry was sure Magic cause insanity at some point.

* * *

><p>Hedwig had just settled in for a nap. After last night's sudden moved to a new and better place she had to acquaint herself with her surroundings. That had taken the better part of the night and some of the morning. She had gotten a tasty toad out of the deal, not that she would ever tell her friend Trevor. Crookshanks on the other hand would appreciate this place and the many little mouse dens around. Lost in thoughts of what better hunting this new place had the Snowy Owl almost fell off her perch when Fawkes appeared in a burst of flame.<p>

Fawks trilled happily as he circled around Hedwig. He was on a mission to be sure, but this mission involved family. Set alight on the perch next to the owl he continued singing a happy tune. Soon, Hedwig was joining him with the limited preks of her breed forming percussion for his song. The pair continued on for some time until the song reached a crescendo as Fawks immolated himself, taking Hedwig with him.

* * *

><p>Harry Potter felt a slight pull at his heart, an almost wrenching feeling that quickly faded into a warm glow. Setting that feeling aside he stepped through the office door for the College of Arms. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but the large office with the many racks of scrolls lining one wall was not it. Sitting at a rather impressive desk was balding middle-aged man who looked up from his copy of the Daily Prophet and smiled.<p>

"Ah, I see I have some business today, very well. I am Harald Clark. No, I did not go into this line of work because of my name." Harald chuckled. "What can I do for you today?"

"I wish to take up my position as Lord Potter, as well as any other Lordships I am due. I also wish to register a new Proxy for House Black as the sole remaining Heir." Harry had taken a moment not to chuckle. This was serious business and it was not wise to laugh at a Herald, even when they seemed to be asking for it. "I am Harry Scott James Potter."

"Ah, yes Mr. Potter. I recognize you from the descriptions bandied about." Harald nodded. "I am surprised that you came here directly. Your father thought the Goblins handled these things."

"Well, I knew the Ministry was not completely stupid. Why would they strip their own power to recognize Lordships?" Harry shrugged.

"No, the Ministry is completely stupid, if the Blighters had asked for the power they would have been given it. The Goblins do not wish to deal with Wizards overly much." Harald shrugged as he reached for a large roll of parchment. Unrolling it on the desk it was obviously a Blood Patent waiting to be finished. "Now, Mr. Potter, I need you to prick the center of your palm and press it to the seal on this sheet of parchment."

"Alright." Harry took the silver athame on the desk and pricked his palm, waiting for a little blood to well up before placing it on the parchment. In moments the blood was drawn into thin lines that slowly formed into letters, then words.

Let this Blood Patent of Harry Scott James Potter show his Noble Heritage:

Lord Potter via Birthright as son of James David Potter

Lord Peverell via Birthright as son of James David Potter

Lord Andersson via Birthright as son of Lily Rose Potter nee Evans

Lord Gryffindor via Possession of the Sword of Gryffindor

Lord Slytherin via Right of Conquest over Tom Marvolo Riddle

Heir Black via Blood Adoption as son of Sirius Orion Black

Heir McGonagall via Blood Adoption as grandson of Minerva Juno McGonagall

Heir Dumbledore via Blood Adoption as grandson of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

Heir Malfoy via Right of Conquest over Draco Betelgeuse Malfoy

Below that heading, which was more than enough to knock Harry on his ass mentally, was a fully formed tree of his nobility showing just how he had earned every title. Of course, it was a surprised to find his mother had some magical noble blood in her, but it wasn't an unwelcome one.

"Well, if that isn't interesting." Harald chuckled. "It is a pleasure to meet you Lord Potter-Peverell-Andersson-Gryffindor-Slytherin. I do believe this is a record for the most titles I have personally seen one person carry." With a flick of a wand the patents were copied and the Harald was rolling up the original to store. "You may carry a copy of your Patents with you. You will need them in Records and Contracts in case they have any ancient Marriage Contracts. The Goblins will likely want to see them as well to get you vault access."

Harry was numb as he carefully rolled up the parchment. He had been expecting a few of those Lordships, but certainly not Andersson or Gryffindor. Nor had been expecting to be Dumbledore's heir let all alone McGonagall or Malfory's. That last one was still making his head spin. He was barely conscious of the fact that Sirius was leading him out of the College of Arms office.

"I have five Lordships? That is insane!" Harry blurted out.

"Yes Harry, Five Lordships and you are Heir to four more." Sirius chuckled. "Lily would be so proud. She always swore she would get you a harem."

"What?"

* * *

><p>Luna Lovegood looked up from her copy of the Sun, one should research the muggle perspective after all, and looked at her best friend for a moment. "I sense a great disturbance in the Magic. As if a single boy cried out in terror only to faint dead away."<p>

"Hmm, sounds like when someone tells Ron we are out of Bacon." Ginny replied as she looked up from her issue of Witch Weekly. "So, I'm thinking that Neville is just too shy to ask either of us out. How do we handle this?"

"I thought you wanted Harry Potter?" Luna asked, her brows furrowed in thought.

"Definite Big Brother category, he's like a cross between Bill and Charlie." Ginny replied with a shrug. "Weasley's aren't into Pureblood relations like Malfoys are. If you want to date him, I'll put in a good word."

"Actually, I have my eye set on someone else. I'm hoping they can see past the social taboos." Luna replied airily before turning back to the article on Sasquatches. It was just astounding how accurate it was, despite the fact Muggles should not be able to see the tree dwellers. "As for Neville, the direct approach may be best. He has a line continuation contract with Hannah Abbot, so it might be difficult."

* * *

><p>Harry woke to the sight of Sirius still wearing the Christopher Walken face and let out a low groan. He had hoped it was a bit of a nightmare. He ready did. While the idea of multiple girlfriends was good on the surface he knew it could be a giant pain in the ass. Just keeping dates straight in this head would be a feat. Add in trying to please several women and he could end up dead very quickly.<p>

"It wasn't a dream was it?" Harry asked praying that perhaps wishes came true.

"That you are a Five Fold Lord and heir to four more?" Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "Or the part when you will need at least on child for each line and considering that most gals do not like being pregnant more than twice, you will likely have several other wives? Because neither of them is a dream, it's your reality. I have to say I am very jealous."

"Why me?" Harry stared up into the Heavens. Well, he would have been if the ceiling were not in the way. He was pretty sure that last time he had not had to take multiple wives. Then again, last time he didn't live to be Lord Potter, let alone the rest.

"Why not?" Sirius chuckled, but backpedaled a step or two when he received a death glare. "Sorry, Sorry, that was bad form. In my defense that was your mother's favorite comeback to that question."

"Figures. My Father and his friends were pranksters and my mother was the mistress of sarcastic wit." Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. "Well, before we head to Contracts and Records do you happen to know if there are amy marriage Contracts my parents signed…either sober of not."

"Hmmm, no…pretty sure James and Lily refrained from that. Unless it was one those times we went to Tijuana." Sirius'answer came with a wide grin. "There is a possibility of one from the Blacks as I am not eligible to fill any. I have no clue about Andersson, Gryffindor, Peverell, or Slytherin. You'd have to ask Albus or Minerva about those two families."

"So, given my luck, I am looking at some contract marriages…lovely. You realize I will have to tell them about you, and what happened to me." Harry grunted out, disgusted with the whole ordeal. "Though, all this does call into question my theory that Dumbledore planned for my death. You don't make an heir out of someone you want to sacrifice."

* * *

><p>AN: Yes, we have our first and second twist for Harry. At least two people are potioning him, though one seems helpful. And Dumbledore may not want him dead. What could this mean for Harry is anyone's guess.

Last chapter I asked for people's input on hat girl(s) they would like to see Harry with. It still might happen he only lands one girl who in turn becomes a baby machine. Please review with your ideas. Actually, just please review

Also the Andersson family is not a misspelling, it is the magical side of the Scottish Clan


	3. Contracts and Surprises

Draco Malfoy: You filthy Muggle! How dare you give the Malfoy Heirship to Scarhead!

Scott: Well, you did challenge him to a Wizard's Duel and refused to show up. You have faced him several times and never actually beat him.

Draco: Bloody Hell! How in Merlin's name am I going to be an effective schoolyard Bully without funding?

Scott: I have that handled, Draco. You're still your father's son, only he can disown you as a Malfoy, so you still have the same allowance.

Draco: But, I was Heir, I was going to be Lord Malfoy. Now…what the bloody hell am I going to do?

Scott: Well, we could leave that to the reviewers. Perhaps a Line Continuation contract with one of the lovely Slytherin Ladies. Or perhaps a Ravenclaw.

Draco: You've had exactly one review you bloody pillock! Two chapters and exactly one bloody review and that one definitely calls your sanity into question.

Scott: Well, perhaps if you beg nicely.

Draco: Merlin's sagging testicles! I can't believe a Malfoy is reduced to begging muggles. Please, please dear muggle readers review this story. I fear if you do not I might find out first hand just what happens to a body on the wrong end of a NE-4 Plasma Cartridge Pistol. I don't want that. Have you ever seen one of them? The barrel is two bloody inches wide! I enjoy living.

Scott: Wow. That is pretty good begging.

Draco: Well, my Father taught me the important skills you need when dealing with Dark Lords. Oh yes, Scott the Wanderer does not own the Harry Potter books or Palladium Books inc. He makes absolutely nothing from this.

* * *

><p>The Department of Magical Documents, more commonly called Contracts and Records, was a much larger office than the College of Arms. There was good reason for this of course, Contracts and Records was the central storehouse for every record of every magical being in the United Kingdom. Even using undetectable expansion charms, shrinking charms and a plethora of specialized House Elves an inordinate amount of space was need for all these records.<p>

"Ah yes, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, I just received your Blood Patent from COA. I am Ginger Paige, Tenured Archivist." Miss Paige would have not been to out of place in videos of naughty librarians doing kinky acts proving yet again this universe had been blessed by Aphrodite. Flipping her long brunette hair over her shoulder she motioned of Harry to follow her. "I had a team consolidate the required files if you and your retainer will follow me."

Sirius had almost made an argument about him being Lord Black and not a simple retainer, but squelched it. Given that he had no clue if any Aurors were here researching cases, he did not want to tempt fate. Instead he merely walked beside Harry as if he was a bodyguard. Of course as he watched the swaying hips in front of him he could only smile. It was obvious the thirtyish Archivist was trying to tease the Five-Fold Lord. "I'd follow her anywhere. How about you?"

"Well, we can agree there." Harry whispered back to Sirius. "Now behave, at least until we clear your name. You can hump whoever lets you then."

"Touché." Sirius replied back just as softly as he had before and ended the conversation. The reason why was simple, they were now in the cluster of file cabinets that pertained to Harry in particular and the nine other families in general.

"And here we are, milord. Now, I know this seems to be a great deal to search." Miss Paige motioned to the thirty eight different cabinets. "However, you can shorten your search by tapping the top of the cabinet with your wand and stating what names you are looking for or type of document. Only those documents will be visible in the shelves. The originals will automatically return to the proper files, but you may use copying charms on anything."

"Thank you, we will call if we have the need." Harry said after a moment. Even with the shortcuts given, this was going to prove to be a herculean effort.

* * *

><p>Nymphadora Tonks was doing her best to school her features. She was a nervous wreck. It wasn't often a newly graduated Auror Cadet was called into the Director of the DMLE's office. In fact she was damn certain that it was a first. Of course she had a small clue as to why. Her mother was Andromeda Tonks, a cousin of Sirius Black. Since Sirius had somehow escaped Azkaban they were likely going to grill her about anything she knew. She wasn't afraid of this as she really did know very little, other than her mother never believed Sirius was guilty. Hell, Nymphadora was not sure her second cousin was guilty. Still this could be a huge black mark on her record and make a career as an Auror impossible.<p>

Amelia Bones had long ago retired as an active Auror, though she kept her skills as sharp as ever. She knew what exactly waiting was doing to the young metamorphmagus. It was a common trick with interrogations. Pretend you have more important things to finish first and act as if you already knew the answers to the questions. So she read through the file on her desk again, despite having memorized it. Finally closing the file she offered a half smile to the young Auror and grinned internally as she fidgeted.

"Miss Tonks, it is no secret that your Mother was very close to Sirius Black, actually I should say is. She has been writing him for some time." Amelia started and noted with some satisfaction that Tonks swallowed hard. It was fun to make your subordinates fear you. However she did not want to make this too horrible. "Now, I would like to go over a few things with you."

"I swear, Madam Bones I have no idea where Sirius is. The last time I saw him I was just barely eight." Nymphadora could not contain her outburst. Of course she had no reason to suspect she had been given babbling brew. "And Mum hasn't seen him either. She actually asked me if I knew anything this morning."

"Interesting." Amelia smiled. She had wondered if perhaps Andromeda was hiding him, but this put that thought on the back burner. "Actually, Miss Tonks, I was going to brief you on a discovery I made. With the search for Lord Black in full swing, I dug out his file. I found something of interest…there was no trial. None at all. Not even a tribunal. I find that suspicious."

"What? No trial? That's…that's impossible. You can't throw a Lord in Azkaban without a trial!" Tonks nearly leapt out of her chair in outrage.

"And yet Sirius was." Amelia responded with a frown. "I have no idea was Crouch and Bagnold were thinking, or even it went beyond Crouch at this point. There is not a single record of his arrest, a trial, or even interrogation! It's maddening." Standing up to pace Madam Bones gesticulated angrily as she spoke. "Now, Sirius has escaped Azkaban, a feat as impossible as surviving the Killing Curse. Despite the fact I had nothing to do with this case I know Fudge will pass the blame to me. I will not simply roll over and you, Miss Tonks, will be my key to making sure of it."

"Wot? Me? I've just barely graduated the Auror Training!" Nymphadora knew she was in the hotseat now. The way her future boss was focusing on her made her want to just disappear. "What qualification could I possibly have than another Auror doesn't?"

"Well, when I pulled Lord Black's file I discovered something very interesting." Amelia's shark like grin reappeared as she pulled forth a scroll of parchment and handed it to the younger woman. "This is a copy the original is in Contracts and Records."

"Bloody Hell!" Nymphadora's eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she read the document. The heading alone was more than enough to knock her on her pert arse. The more she read, the lower her jaw dropped. "Is this part of Auror hazing?"

"No, Miss Tonks or would you prefer Missus Potter-Black?" Amelia's grin only grew more predatory.

* * *

><p>"Well, I have good news, Harry." Sirius replied as he got done with the Black files. "You carry enough Black Blood to be named Heir with no chance of successful challenge against you." The Marauder smiled as he placed the document on the table, including a scroll. "That and you already have a Lady Black."<p>

"What?" Harry was looking up from the Potter files. He'd been happy there were no Marriage contracts. Apparently his grandparents found them a distasteful way of finding a proper Lady Potter. "Who?"

"Ah, that would be the lovely Nymphadora. She is the only female of Black Blood who has not married." Sirius grinned. Oh, he knew that this would set both Andromeda and Nym off, and luckily he was not to fault. It was his Grandparents, luckily long since dead. "It's binding and unbreakable short of death and I doubt you want that."

"Bloody Hell, how come this didn't come up last time?"

"I assume that Nymphadora married before your Heir status was activated." Sirius replied. "The moment we had your Blood Patent made an hour ago you were effectively married to my cousin. There is no point is worrying over it all now. We just have to find out who else you are married to."

"Bloody perfect." Harry hissed out behind clenched teeth. This was not the way he was hoping to keep Tonks from getting hurt by Remus. Not that he disliked the man, but he was a bit of a flake over the pregnancy. "Well, there are no valid Potter contracts. All of them were bought out, thankfully."

"That is better news." Sirius chimed in as he moved to the Gryffindor files, which encompass a good five file cabinets. With a tap of his wand he started the search for marriage contracts. "Bugger, we have a live one: Gryffindor to Hufflepuff. It doesn't say who, though."

"Figures I would buggered by something that saved my life. Make a copy, perhaps we will luck out and it will never come about." Harry sighed as he moved to the Peverell cabinets. A wand tap and a thought sent the potential marriage contracts to the top drawer. Now with such an ancient family there was some chance that any contracts would be invalid due to the other family dying out. However Harry's luck was not so simple at all. "Bloody Hell! Another contract."

"Harry, I want you to know that I truly empathize with the plight you find yourself in. I would not want to be forced to marry anyone because of a contract." Sirius was very solemn as he expressed his sympathy for his godson, but then a moment later he broke out into a smile. "On the other hand, I am so very proud of you! A harem of Witches and you can't even be called a cad for having them. Your father would be impressed and Lily, she would be so proud…when she wasn't trying to get you more Witches."

Harry just pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. This promised to be a headache. He already had to have three wives and they only had gone through four of the nine families. That and he could not access the Malfoy, Dumbledore or McGonagall files to see what their surprises there were. He really didn't expect any from Professor McGonagall, but he was not sure about Dumbledore or Malfoy. Not that Lucius would have set it up for him, but anything directed at the Heir would go to him.

"Well, let's see who we have here." Sirius pilfered the Peverell contract and unrolled it. Letting out a long low whistle as he read the heading she started shaking his head. "Another undetermined bride, some bint called the Apostle of Thanatos. I'm not sure how this type of contract is possible. At least the Heir of Hufflepuff is something we can test for. How do you ask around for the Apostle of Thanatos?"

"We'll worry about it later." Hary shook off the chills that the name sent down his back. "Just keep looking for contracts for now, we'll sort them out later."

* * *

><p>"How in the name of Merlin's Flaming Grundies do I get into these situations?" Nymphadora Venus Potter-Black nee Tonks screamed out as she fired off wordless reductor curses at the training mannequins. The moment she had stormed into the firing range with her hair cycling between red and black everyone had left. Everyone remembered the last time that had happened and they hadn't vacated. Fourteen Aurors had been sent to Saint Mungos for various injuries. According to rumor mill it had taken Shacklebolt, Moody, Scrimgeour and a Hitwizard Fireteam to take her down. Nobody wanted to know if that was actually true. Down range granite training dummies exploded as if they firecrackers before reforming themselves, only to be blown apart again. "<em>Reducto! Bombarda! Confringo! Reducto! BOMBARDA ULTIMA!<em>"

With the final shouted spell, Nymphadora slumped to the floor her rage vented. She was furious, mostly with the fact that she had not thought to check for contracts. She had thought that her mother being banished from the family would save her from Pureblood machinations. Of course she had been wrong. It seemed her mother was never officially disowned. Now it was royally screwing with her life.

"I must say that is impressive." Emmeline Vance had noticed the massive exodus from the wand-range. Of course curiosity got the better of her and she decided to investigate. "I haven't seen such a powerful Bombarda since Sirius Black did his live fire demonstration. Of course that was after he heard that Regulas was killed. So, I'll assume you have had similar bad news."

"At once a solid yes and a resounding no." Nymphadora snorted to her sometimes lunch companion. It didn't matter that the woman was as old as her mum, she seemed young at heart and Tonks gravitated to that type almost as much as she gravitated to the moody gits. She was definitely a Black in that regard. "Found out Mum is still part of the Black family."

"Hmm, I would think this was good news." Emmeline knew Andromeda, but not well Ravenclaw and Slytherin rarely mixed in classes. However, everyone knew of the supposed banishment and why. "Though I can understand not wishing to be part of such a Dark family. I was very grateful my mother was disowned as a Crabbe."

"No, got nothing against the family, or even most Dark families as long as they obey the Law." Nymphadora snorted again. "The problem lies in that as the sole unmarried Black female I am now married to the Black Heir."

"That dreadful Draco Malfoy?" Emmeline grimaced as she contemplated the boy in question. It wasn't the incest issue as aside from brother-sister coupling magic seemed to correct most of those issues. She had met young Draco on a few occasions and found him to be worse than his father and Emmeline despised Lucius.

"No, I lucked out there. I am not married to the Toe Rag." Nymphadora smiled a bit as she consoled herself with that. "No, apparently Sirius Black was Harry Potter's godfather and named him the Black Heir, something about ending the insanity in the Black Line. He's got Black Blood in him from Dorea Potter nee Black as well as a Blood Adoption."

"Oh Merciful Merlin, that complicates things. I can see the reason for the fireworks. Come on, up you get. We're finding Hestia and going drinking." Emmeline offered her hand to her young friend. "Not much of a Hen Night, I know, but we'll make do."

* * *

><p>Harry Potter was of mixed emotions as he left Contract and Records. After a rather exhaustive search they had only the three contracts from the Black, Gryffindor and Peverell. Sure he had restrictions on how he might marry from each family, but at least that wasn't a contract. As for the contracts he did have, well one was set in stone while the other two were unclear. He was effectively married to Nymphadora, but the Peverell and Gryffindor contracts may never come about. Unlike the Heir of Gryffindor and Heir of Slytherin, nobody could be sure who was the next Heir of Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw until they had their Blood Patent done. As for the Apostle of Thanatos, Harry was completely clueless how that was decided. So as he was leaving the Ministry he was only half listening as Sirius was talking.<p>

"…the Andersson guidelines for a Lady Andersson are complelely wonky." Sirius shook his head as he read through the scroll. "She must either have Fae Blood or be a Hundred Generation Pureblood. There are four European families that might be able to claim that Blacks, Potters, LongBottoms and Krums. You are already married to the only eligible Black woman and the rest…well only males remain. And you can't combine Black and Andersson as the Black Charter will not allow it."

"What about the Potters?" Harry finally snapped back to the conversation.

"You only need to love the woman…or man. They are very open about that." Black chuckled. "Though, with you as the last Potter, you might want to consider taking several Consort or Second wives and expanding the Line. I am going to so the same thing as Lord Black."

"So, I won't need to worry about being Lord Black for very long?"

"Actually, I named you as my heir to sort of cleanse the taint of the Black families. The Lordship will go to you no matter how many children I sire. It will pass to whomever you find worthy." Sirius replied dashing his godson's hopes of not attaining a sixth Lordship. "There was far too much inbreeding in my family and it has some undesirable results."

"How is me marrying Nymphadora going to help with that…she's a distant cousin for Christ's sake." Harry growled out thoroughly annoyed. He was not happy being this different already. He wondered just how Ron would handle all this, not to mention Hermione. He really needed friends more than anything.

"You're so distantly related to Nymphadora that it does not matter. She could be three of four steps closer and still not be a problem." Sirius countered. "More importantly she has unlocked of the Black family Blood Abilities. A Full Metamorphmagus has not been seen in Europe in two hundred years. Given your power levels we could see the Black Line completely reawaken several more of the Blood Abilities. Perhaps even produce a true Polymorph."

Harry looked to Sirius quirking an eyebrow. He knew his Godfather was not a Blood Purist, he respected Muggles and Muggleborn too much to be that. However the types of abilities he was speaking of were the reason many Purebloods thought of themselves as superior. The Blood Abilities that developed over time and seemed to literally be part of the Bloodline.

"Don't look at me that way. I just want to redeem my family and part of that could be restoring the power they lost thanks to their idiocy." Sirius replied after a minute of the stare. "I've had time to think on some of Lily's observations is all."

"If you say so."

* * *

><p>"How are you that good?" Hermione panted out as she was slumped over, bracing her hands on her knees as she tried to catch her breath. She had just been trounced by a girl a year younger than herself. At first the Duel had seemed even, but then Gabrielle began throwing flame spells. Not deadly one, but still painful. They came so fast that Hermione was unable to dodge them. Shielding had been the only option, and even that proved fruitless.<p>

"Veelas are creatures of Air and Fire." Gabrielle smiled at her new friend. Despite or perhaps because of their competitive nature they had bonded very quickly. "We are faster than normal Witches. And we find Fire magicks very easy to cast. Even the FiendFyre requires very little effort on our part, though we prefer PassionFyre. We are largely immune to Lightning and Fire, but Earth and Water spells are another matter."

"So if I had use a Glacis or Aquamenti I and hit you, I could have won?" Hermione huffed, very disappointed in herself that she had not tried either spell. She had gone for Expelliarmis and Stupefies with some minor hexes and jinxs in order to trip the girl up.

"Oui, if you had hit me with one of those I would have been finished." Gabrielle nodded. "But take heart, mon ami. You lasted much longer than Monsieur Malfoy did, and he was attempting Dark spells."

"Draco Malfoy?"

"Oui, the Anglais Batard that was attempting to get near ma soeur. I have no idea why. He seemed to think a 'half-breed animal' like myself was not worth his time." Gabrielle shrugged. "I left him unconscious on the floor in under a minute. If he had taken me seriously he might have actually made it longer, but I doubt he will learn that lesson."

* * *

><p>"Just what are you doing here, Bulstrode?" Ronald Weasley was only a shade under being extremely rude to the much taller girl. While he himself was six feet tall, Millicent was already eight inches taller. He wondered how the girl made it past the Wards. The Burrow was not as heavily warded as Hogwarts, but Bill had redone them a short while ago. Standing up from where he had been kneeling to weed the garden, the youngest Weasley male brushed off his hands."You do know I am not Crabbe, right?"<p>

"You're far too thin to be Vincent, Ronald. Give me some credit I am not as clueless as I pretend." Millicent barely kept from snarling back. She despised pretending to be as thick as the Bookends. However in the House of Slytherin if a Lady showed brains and cunning people automatically tried to put them under heel. Daphne and Tracy barely kept themselves safe and they were much more powerful than she was magically. "Though you are wrong about one thing. You are now Heir Crabbe. Or you will be once you get yourself to the College of Arms."

"What?"

"I have just turned sixteen, Ronald. I recently went over my Marriage contract to Vincent. Lo and behold it is to Heir Crabbe, not Vincent." Millicent pulled the scrolled from her robes slowly and handed it to a gobsmacked Ron. "Since Vincent knew Draco was going to skive off the Duel with Potter and did not show himself, he basically forfeited his Heirship as second. Since you were Potter's second and I know from Cousin Neville that you were there you are Heir Crabbe according to Right of Conquest."

"Oh ha ha. This is a real funny joke Millie." Ron bit out sarcastically as his brain caught up. He had known Millie since they were five. Their friendship had died a few years later when her Father had moved the family in order to get away from 'blood traitor spawn'. Ron had been broken hearted for a while as Millie seemed to love everything he did, including the Chudley Canons. Now that she was a statuesque and gorgeous blonde he had had other ideas whenever he saw her, but since she was Slytherin and betrothed to Crabbe he had to channel those thoughts to anger.

"Look, Ron it is no joke. May I never eat another rasher of bacon if it is."

"Bloody Hell…but why tell me? If you hadn't I wouldn't know to go get a Blood Patent done. I thought you liked Vince." Ron was scratching his head in utter confusion. Since they had started Hogwarts both of them had been rather mean to each other. It had hurt a lot and only being Harry's friend had been a help. Hell, that Halloween he had upset Hermione had been because of a row with Millicent.

"Pfft, me like Mister Too Dumb to Understand an Insult? Have you hit your head recently?" Millicent scoffed, rather loudly. "Look, I don't want to serve He Who Must Not Be Named. I don't want a husband who does either. While I really think you need to grow up a bit and stop ragging on my friends for being Slytherins, you are a much better alternative."

"But Malfoy and Snape are greasy gits." Ron countered.

"And I don't argue that at all. But leave Daphne, Tracey and Pansy out of the insults is all I am asking. Call Malfoy, Nott and the Bookends any name in the book. Merlin's Balls I'll help you come up with insults." Millie countered poking his chest as she leaned over him. "But leave the girls out of it, even if Pansy deserves it once in a while."

"Alright, but I expect your Mince Pie at least once a week." Ronald countered. "And no calling Harry names either, not even Potter. And no calling Hermione Mudblood."

"Deal. Now go get cleaned up. I have arranged a portkey to the Ministry." Millicent held up a small bowling shoe. "Afterwards I will take you to Floreans."

* * *

><p>Recasting (because in this universe some characters need it)<br>Millicent Bulstrode: Amazon Eve


	4. Of Vaults and Showers

_Ronald Weasley: I can't believe you paired me with Millicent Bulstrode. Why would you do that to me?_

_Scott: Well, Ron, there was no way in hell you and Hermione could stay happy short of Amortentia and Firewhiskey._

_Ron: ~Grumbling under his breath~_

_Scott: Hey, you now have a girl who loves Quiditch, the Chudley Cannons, and cooking for you. Not to mention she can flatten Vin and Greg in two seconds flat._

_Ron: Alright, but only because that universe has a major upgrade to all the girls. I still have standards after all._

_Scott: No you don't._

_Ron: Okay, but I can pretend to have standards._

_Scott: That I can believe. Now give the disclaimer and I will show you what you get for allowance as Heir Crabbe._

_Ron: Scott the Wander bloody well does not own Harry Potter or Palladiums Books. He hasn't ever made even a single knut off this. Is that good?_

_Scott: Yep. Well, the Crabbe family owns the largest Crab fishing fleet in the world. They have boats everywhere. This is your allowance._

_Ron: ~takes the slip and his eyes bug out~ Yearly?_

_Scott: Monthly, I suggest putting most of it back in the Bank._

_Ron: Bloody Hell!_

* * *

><p>Jake Wolf: Thank you. I always felt a few characters got the short end of the stick. Millicent was one of them, but any time you do a HarryMulti and put Millicent in there she can get lost. So she gets her own Boy Toy. Nymphadora is going to be fun. She's one of the few who actually likes Harry and the Boy-Who-Lived but is not a fan girl. As for the character personalities I am combining canon, fanon and my own interpretation and hitting frappe. I have reasons for the slight changes like Sirius and Kreacher being saner than they originally were and Ron's acceptance of Millicent despite being Slytherin. I even have a reason for Ginny being over her crush. Draco with a Ravenclaw is very, very doable…might even improve the little toerag.

Afan: Well, I was going for a twist of the self-insertion. Merging memories with the concrete belief that Scott is Harry just with new memories as well as some seriously different thinking patterns on some things just makes this a different Harry. I do have a proofreader, but unfortunately she's as bad as I am in that regard at times. I will say she catches quite a few of my mistakes as I catch quite a few of hers. We'll redouble our efforts here.

Penny is Wise: Thank you so much. Always nice to be appreciated. Especially from someone with similar thought processes, we all know Sirius will prank Harry and I was thinking along those lines

geetac: Thank you, always nice to be appreciated

mobulis: Yes, I am very aware how dangerous the Splynn Dimensional Market Place is, but it is the only place to get such things as Absurr Lifenodes, Eloms, and Mindlinks as well as other fun stuff. Harry does have one advantage in that he would be in the same league as Inglix the Mad and Alistair Dunscan, powerful, of questionable sanity and freaking filthy rich.

* * *

><p>Harry wanted nothing more than to go to his new home, have a few stiff drinks, and just enjoy the last night he would have his bollocks sans bruises. He had no delusions that Nymphadora would be happy married to someone seven years younger than her. She seemed to have a thing for older guys, thought he'd always been confused by that. Remus was a good bloke, but definitely not good father material. Shaking himself out that line of thought he almost glowered at Sirius who insisted they had to go to Gringotts to access his accounts. It might have been a good idea, but Harry could still hate him a bit at the moment.<p>

"Relax, Harry, this will take only a few minutes and then we will be off home." Sirius replied as they stepped into the Lobby of the Goblin Bank. "Weren't you just telling me you need to contact that Naruni bloke and buy some weapons?"

"That's Naruni Enterprises. And yes." Harry had to stow the glower, Goblins may sneer at every Wizard who entered their bank, but they took great joy in assessing fines for rude behavior. He was not sure how much he was worth and would not jinx his plans by throwing away money he did not need to. "I will also be buying armor, armored robes, and a host of other things. "

"What good will Muggle Armor do against dark curses?" Sirius' question was not condescending like it would have been from Malfoy's lips. He was actually curious. Lily had made great use of Flak Jackets against Cutting and Bludgeoning Curses as well as protecting vital areas from Bombarda shrapnel. Though the jackets could only take a few spells before they were useless. Against most Dark Curses the Flak jacket had been largely useless.

"Well, Steelcloth robes would be tougher than a Tank. It looks like fine silk or wool until it's struck then stiffens for a brief second. If I were to compare it to a hide, I would say it would exceed Ukranian Ironbelly in durability." Harry rattled off. "If we go with a suit of environmental armor, it will be tougher as well as provide breathable air and I can enchant it with magical shields. Of course there is also Forcefield harnesses we can get that would provide a shield, though I have no clue how it would interact with an Unforgivable."

"Harry, not to question your information, but how…"

"Can it be so advanced? We're going to be talking to beings in another Dimension Padfoot." Harry was ever so grateful they were covered by the Gringotts privacy charms. He had no doubt the Goblins could listen in, but not any Witches or Wizards. "They are far more advanced than us, but Gold will still be the coin of choice."

"Did you…"

"No, I learned of them, but stupidly never made contact before." Harry's lie was more a twisting of the truth. He had never heard of them in the old timeline, though if he had then more than a few Death Eaters would have learned what a N-75H could do to them even inside their manors. "I'm not going to play the leave-them-alive-and-let-them-have-another-chance-to-kill-me game. They try to kill me this time around, I'll blow a hole the size of a quaffle through their chest."

"Ooh, now that is a plan I can get behind." Sirius chuckled as they stepped forward in queue. "Ah here we are."

"Good evening, Teller…Griphook." Harry paused long enough to read the gobbledegook nameplate. He was actually quite surprised it was written in Palladium Runes. Looking up to the Goblin's face he noted the surprise and then toothless smile the little blighter gave. It was definitely Griphook. Setting the Blood Patent scroll on the teller's desk Harry continued with a toothless smile of his own. "I have come arrange access to my vaults I have inherited as Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin. Here is a copy of my Blood Patent."

"I see, Wizard Potter." Griphook responded before he unrolled the scroll. He'd been pleased the young man had manners but no Goblin would call anyone Lord until they had proof they were. Looking over the Blood Patent was shocking enough he nearly fell out of his chair. Never before had he seen five titles bound in one man. Let alone have two of them be of the Founders and another the Goblins' most favored client. "I will arrange access at once, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin."

With that out of his lips, Griphook hopped off the stool he'd been standing on and scampered off as quickly as his legs would carry him. While it was a simple bit of magic to forge a Goblin Key, certain accounts required Director Ragnok's personal attention. Given that it was near closing, Griphook was afraid that the King might have left early for dinner. Luck however was on his side and he managed to get the attention of the elderly goblin as he was leaving his office.

"Sire, I know I should not disturb you, but there is activity on the Andersson Account." Griphook bowed, almost breathless from running. "It would seem the famous Harry Potter has taken Lordship of that House among others."

"That is unexpected." Ragnok growled out in the rough tongue of gobbledegook. Concentrating for a moment he passed his hand over the blank key presented to him. "Allow him to visit the vault despite how late it is. After that I want the young man watched. It would seem we are living under the great Chinese curse." Seeing the confusion in Griphook's eyes, Ragnok chuckled. "May we live in interesting times."

"As you say, Sire." Griphook shrugged being too young and adventurous to understand why that might be a curse. After all he was only barely half a century old. Taking the key he hurried back to his desk where he found Harry and Sirius waiting patiently. Quickly muttering the charms to assign the proper vaults to the key, he then handed it to Harry with a curt nod. "As you are a valued customer it has been decided you can visit the Andersson Vault before you leave today, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin."

"My thanks, Teller Griphook. If you will please call me Harry or if you must be formal Lord Potter I would appreciate it." Harry had been a bit surprised he would be allowed to see any vault today. It was nearing seven in the evening when Gringots closed to the public. "I would also appreciate a summary of the liquid assets under the other family names."

"Very well, Lord Potter." Griphook was grateful to be able to shorten the name if only a little. Calling over to another teller he spoke a few moments in gobbledegook before turning back to Harry. "A statement will be complied as we ride down to your vault."

* * *

><p>"Prek!" Hedwig barked as she shook herself free from the ash nest formed when she had been immolated. Looking over to Fawkes as he did the same she used a wing to cuff his head. With a glare she made it very clear the next time he did such a thing he should give a better warning than just singing. With a flash of white flame, Hedwig moved herself to her perch, thankful that it was flame proof. "Prek. Prek. Prek."<p>

Fawkes certainly appeared properly chastised before he took to flight. Circling around Hedwig he sang his apologies to the new Phoenix before taking alight the perch to rest. Continuing his song it was obvious he was not just apologizing, but explaining everything to Hedwig. After all he did not want to be cuffed again. The Snowy Owl had been strong before her transformation.

* * *

><p>"So just what are we going to call you now?" Hestia Jones was well into her cups if her slur was anything to go by. When she heard the news Tonks was now married she had dismissed it as a joke, until the contract was produced. After that she had dragged Nymphadora and Emmeline to one of the few Wizarding Nightclubs in Moscow. Having contacts in the International Portkey Department was very useful. On the surface it looked no different than any other nightclub in the Russian capital, just that everything was done by magic. "I can't see calling you Potter or Black…or worse Potter-Black."<p>

"Not sure. Sure as hell not Lady Black…he ain't Lord…yet." Nymphadora was actually a little beyond plastered. The moment they had arrived she had taken to drinking Tequila and hadn't slowed down. "Y'know, I used to love ma name. Nymphadora. I thought it was pretty. Ickle Harry thought it was pretty, too. Little bugger could never say it right, but he never made fun."

"Ah, let me guess, first day of school changed all that." Emmline was not nearly as drunk as her friends. Unlike the way the two of them were going, she had set a leisurely pace. Mostly, she did so to stay sober enough to stop a major brawl from breaking out. "Kids can be so cruel."

"Yep, little blighters." Nymphadora downed another shot. "Got call all kinds of names. Started hating m'own name. Ever' time I heard it I hear all those blighters calling me Nympho and worse!"

"Hmm, so how about Dora?" Hestia said after a moment.

"Doreen Scamander was the worst of the lot." Tonks growled out as her hair cycled through shades of orange, a sure indicator she was angry. "Little bitch would make up songs."

"Okay, so Dora is out." Emmeline decided it was best to defuse that bomb. Hestia usually started the brawls, but the few times Tonks did more than a few squads of Hitwizards were needed to break it up. "What did ickle Harry call you?"

"Well, he settled on Nym after about the fortieth attempt at my name." Tonks recalled, her hair drifting back to the pink hue that normally was associated with happiness. "That could work. I mean I am married to the little bugger now."

"About that, why are you here with us when you have a sixteen year old stud to break in?" Hestia asked not noticing the frantic cutting motions that Emmeline was making. "If I were you I would be training him up properly."

"Tha's a grand idea! I'm gonna go find my hubby and start this marriage off right." The newly minted Nym downed one more shot before hauling herself to her feet and then passing out.

* * *

><p>The cart ride down to Vault 333 was much longer than Harry's first ride just two years ago. As requested, Griphook even used the faster speed, something that actually forced both Harry and Sirius into their seats. The hall of the vaults echoed with the exhilarated cries of a teen and the groans of an adult who wished he had skipped the falafel stand. However much to Harry's displeasure (and Sirius' relief) the ride came to a stop before they came to what looked to be a giant loop in the cart track.<p>

"Vault 333. Everyone off." Griphook announced as he climbed off the cart. He had been promoted just last year, but old habits were hard to break. "Key please." He stated simply for Harry and waited for the young lord to hand over the key. In a few moments, Griphook had successfully opened the vault door. "Here we are, Lord Potter-Andersson the Andersson Clan Expense Vault."

"Sure." Harry was left speechless. His trust vault from his parents had been impressive with a pile of coins as tall as he was. This vault was the size of Hogwarts great hall, but there was not a coin to be seen. Instead there were neat stacks of ingots on shelves. He recognized gold, silver, and copper just from a glance. The other silvery metal had confused him for a few moments until he read the embossing.

Gringotts Certified

Fine Platinum 999.5

120 troy oz

"Platinum bars. There are ten pound platinum bars in here." Harry breathed out heavily as the realization hit him. There were hundreds…no…thousands of bars of each type in the vault. "Sirius, are you seeing what I am?"

Sirius had been stunned since the moment the Vault opened. He'd been in the Black Family vault and admittedly they were rich, easily a few tens of millions galleons and a nice steady income. However sitting on a shelf in front of Harry was more wealth than he could imagine and there were hundreds of shelves. "Yeah, Harry, I'm seeing a couple hundred tons of precious metals."

"The Andersson Clan Is the wealthiest clan of Wizards in the World. They have a unique hold on the precious metals market." Griphook could not help the slight feral grin he gave the young man. "What you see in front of you is the yearly allowance before the vault is refilled to this level. Currently there is 16.1 tons of Gold, 2.1 tons of Platinum, 4,000 tons of Silver and 350,000 tons of Copper in the vault. The vault is filled yearly from the Andersson Reserves to it's current state. However, even if you spent the maximum yearly allowance as it stands now your total reserves would only grow."

"Bloody Hell!" Sirius sat down hard on the vault floor. His legs refused to work for him correctly at this point as he was completely in shock.

"Just what could the Andersson Clan have that makes them that wealthy?" Harry's head was spinning. This level of wealth was ridiculous. He could buy entire countries, if he wasn't afraid of crashing the economy by flooding the market with precious metals. "I'm pretty sure the Flamels were the only ones to have a Philosopher Stone."

"According the agreement Gringotts has with the Andersson Clan we are unable to inform any Lord Andersson until they have a Lady Andersson." Griphook replied evenly, betraying not a single emotion. "I will tell you that some of the Goblin Rebellions were sparked by an Outsider learning the secret."

"Fine, I can let that slide for now. Still wondering how I could possibly move any of this wealth. Even one of those bottomless bags is not going to hold all of this." Harry looked around the vault again trying to absorb just how much wealth there was sitting here. "I plan to do some very heavy buying."

"Your House Elf, Dobby can access this vault at any time and retrieve what you need now that you have been here." Griphook offered with a shrug. "We also offer a special bag that will allow you pull forth a single ingot at a time, keyed to your blood so no other can use it."

"Well, I guess I will need one of them. For now I will just take one of each ingot, just as a reminder."Harry shook his head still trying to wrap his head around the ludicrous amount of wealth.

* * *

><p>"Isna' he a beauty?" Rubeus Hagrid Hogwarts Groundkeeper and Keeper of Keys beamed proudly as he presented Buckbeak his most prized Hippogriff to the Deputy Headmistress McGonagall and Professors Septima and Vector. The three ladies had assured the Hagrid they would help him set up his syllabus for Care of Magical Creatures. Aside from the near legendary Newt Scamander, Hagrid was easily the most knowledgeable when it came to Magical Creatures in Britain let alone Europe. His problem was that he forgot how fragile most people were compared to himself. "I was thinkin' to make him the firs' lesson."<p>

"For NEWT level students, correct. While I have no doubt you can impress the proper knowledge on the more mature students, there are quite a few third and fourth years who are…impulsive." Aurora was the first to speak. She had always enjoyed the company of Hagrid the few occasions she had tea with him. The man was no dullard in her opinion, just lacking a bit of common sense and she chalked that up to the fact that outside of a Dragon or Giant there was very little that was a real threat to the Half-Giant. "For instance I know Draco Malfoy is taking this class, and we all know how his mouth will run."

"Didna think of that." Hagrid considered what he knew of some students. While he was sure the Puff and Claws would all pay Buckbeak the proper compliments and respect, there were a fair few Slytherins and Griffs who would make an error either accidental or intentional. "How about, I give the lesson to the younger years, but not let them in the pen with Buckbeak? Kinda drill in the theory so they know what to do come their NEWT year. Cause I have a fun lesson with Nifflers I could do for the younger years tha' could take the practical side."

"Ah, that would be excellent Hagrid. We will post a notice that students should not wear any jewelry to Care class." Professor McGonagall was quite pleased she didn't have to put the kibosh on Hagrid's plans. She liked the man, but had been alarmed when Dumbledore had made him the Care Professor. "As for the Firecrab lessons, they would have to be for only Fourth year and above, for some of the same reasons. I remember getting awfully burned during my lesson and I was a very cautious fifth year."

"Excellent point, Minerva." Professor Vector nodded along. "Not all of our students are as gifted as yourself Hagrid."

"I know tha'." Hagrid blushed an almost Weasley red. He really was not used to such compliments from pretty ladies. "It's why I chose the book I did. Practical experience dealing with something yeh have to sooth in order ta get what yeh want."

"I had not thought of that." Aurora chuckled. "I see you have a few excellent instincts to work with. Well, my door is almost always open in case you need advice, Hagrid."

"Thank yeh, I'll try not to abuse it." Hagrid's blush had to have hurt considering how much blood was heating his cheeks.

* * *

><p>"Dobby, we're home. Can we have supper in half an hour?" Harry called out as he entered the foyer Number 12 Grimmauld place. Unlike the other timeline there was no fear of setting Walburgia Black off, the painting was not completely insane. Probably the result of having other paintings to talk to thanks to Kreacher moving them into the room.<p>

"Welcome home, Harry Potter sir and Harry Potter sir's Dogfather." Dobby appeared and took the light summer cloaks of both Harry and Sirius. "Kreacher has made Roast Beef, Yorkshire Pudding, Roasted Vegetables and gravy. Dobby has made treacle tart and clotted cream for dessert. Supper will be in the family dining room in half an hour."

"Thank you Dobby and thank Kreacher as well. Be sure to have the nutrient potions ready for Harry as well." Sirius had to admit he had never seen a more useful pair of elves. The way his Godson treated them seemed to motivate them to overachieve. "Now, Harry, since we have recovered from the shock of the Andersson vault, let's see what other finances we have. I can tell you the Blacks have a respectable fortune, nearly on par with the Malfoys or Patils. I know the Potters were moderately wealthy, but I could not begin to tell you about the Peverell, Gryffindor, or Slytherin finances."

"It's a good idea, I should try to get all my Houses on somewhat equal footing…well as much as I can." Harry mused as he headed for the den. "Wouldn't want my wives getting jealous of each other over money, would I?"

"No, no, that would not do at all." Sirius shook his head gravelly barely fighting back the grin. "Nothing scarier than getting between two women who are feuding."

"Quite right." Harry sighed as he grabbed a bottle of Butter Beer from the wet bar before taking a seat. Taking a long pull from the bottle he set it aside for a moment and unrolled his Gringotts statement.

Grigotts Consolidated Statement

For

Lord Harry Scott James Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin

Liquid Assets

House Potter

Vault #867: 129,873 Galleons 16 Sickles 12 Knuts

Vault #123: 13,993,923 Gallons 2 Sickles 1 Knut

House Andersson

Vault #333: Precious Metals approx. 140,000,000 galleons

House Gryffindor

Vault#5: 13,332,343 galleons

House Peverell

Vault#17: 1,128,399 galleons 12 sickles 12 knuts

House Slytherin

Vault#7: 18,293,293 galleons

Total Liquid Assets:

186,877,832 Galleons 13 sickles 25 knuts

Real Properties:

House Potter

The Kiln (Potter Ancestral home)

Potter Cottage (Vacation Home) *

House Andersson

Rockholme (Andersson Ancestral Home) Unplottable *

House Gryffindor

Godric's Hollow *

Hogwarts (One Quarter) *

House of Peverell

None

House of Slytherin

Gaunt Estate (Destroyed)

Riddle Manor

Hogwarts (One Quarter)*

Properties Marked by Asterisk(*) are under permanent Lease and provide income.

Artifacts of Note:

House Potter:

None as of yet

House Andersson:

############

House Gryffindor:

Sword of Gryffindor

House Peverell

Elder Wand

Cloak of Invisibility

Resurrection Stone

House Slytherin

Salazar's Amulet

Harry stared at the sheet for a few minutes trying to wrap his mind around his wealth. Even discounting the precious metals in vault 333, he was worth well over two billion quid. He almost wanted to rub the Dursleys face in it. They had thought he had come from nothing and would be nothing. Well, they were wrong on both counts.

"So what's the news. I already know you make Croesus look like a poor church mouse, so go on surprise me." Sirius could be patient if he wanted to be, but right now he did not want to be.

"Not counting the Andersson Vault, almost forty seven million Galleons. Factoring in what the Goblins say the Andersson Vault has it's almost one hundred eighty seven million Galleons. I possess one property I can actually use, alongside half of Hogwarts." Harry mused for a moment. "I also have the distinct pleasure of owning the Manor that old snake face is going to hide out in during the Triwizard Tournament."

"Which you can't claim or you'll change too much of that future." Sirius shook his head as he tried to imagine being that wealthy. "When are we going to talk to your Arms Dealers?"

"I thought tomorrow would be best, I am not in the right mental state to be dealing with them tonight." Harry glanced to the clock and sighed. It was nearing eleven and he was exhausted. Dinner would help, but what he needed more was decent sleep. "Then we have to track down my wayward contract wife and pray she doesn't attempt to remove my bits."

"Oh, I doubt she will do that, Harry. There is a fidelity clause in her end of the contract." Sirius chuckled.

"Wonderful." Harry drawled sarcastically. "I'm safe as long as my hot tempered wife remembers she needs me to get laid."

"That about sums it up." Sirius laughed as he rose from his chair. "Well, I need to freshen up for Supper."

"Same here."

* * *

><p>Nymphadora groaned as the water washed away the last of her drunken binge. She wasn't sure how she got home or even how she got in the shower. In fact her last coherent thought was deciding to use the name Nym. Everything after that was an indistinct blur. Shaking her head trying to shed all the cobwebs inside she enjoyed the hot water for a few minutes more. Once she felt somewhat human again, she shut off the water and stepped out into the bathroom. That was when she realized she was not home and not alone.<p>

"Wotcher, Harry." Nym could have kicked her own arse for how that came out. Of course she had recognized Harry Potter, his name and image was all over the Daily Prophet. Still when a lady steps out of a shower naked and sees an equally naked man just standing there, usually the woman had something better to say or scream given the lady in question. Of course even as she was mortified by what came out of her mouth she had visually checked over the young man. "Impressive."

Harry might as well have been stupefied. He had just stripped down to get ready for a nice hot shower. He hadn't expected anything out of the ordinary. After all he had not asked Dobby for a bath. So when he opened the door to see a gorgeous woman with all too familiar pink hair plastered to her head, you could have knocked him over with a feather. Being the normal hormonal teenager he was, his eye raked over her body. She was a perfect blend of sultry curves and athletic muscle that made Harry want to drool. This was not helped by the fact he know knew the age old question of the carpet and drapes: Tonks kept it bare. He was dimly aware she said something and then something else, but his brain just wasn't processing it. He could only manage one word."Gorgeous."

* * *

><p>Kreacher smiled to himself as he finished the last touches on the gravy. He had gotten the Halfblood Heir his Halfblood mate and put her in the shower. If all was going well there would be little Pureblood Blacks running around in no time. Perhaps then the family would have the strength to destroy the Dark Lord's Locket and Good Master's final wish would come true.<p> 


	5. Of Dinner and Plots

_Tonks: I can't believe you did that to me! I ought to hex your bits off!_

_Scott: The muse struck, besides Kreacher didn't do anything your alcohol addled mind would not have done._

_Tonks: That is the only reason you are not singing castrado._

_Scott: Thanks…I think. Now do you have a legitimate reason for visiting?_

_Tonks: Yeah, I want to make sure you don't do the worst clichés in fanfics. _

_Scott: Nope, got my own set of ideas…well one I am sorta borrowing, but altering to my needs. _

_Tonks: Alright good, I was so afraid we might see goblin friends, soul mates, and true forms. _

_Scott: Kinda, Goblins like Clan Andersson, but for a legitimate reason. Soul Bonds are not Soul Mates as most clichés paint them, they are things that you choose to do. And definitely no to True Forms for Metamorphmagi, from the moment you first changed your body you abandoned your birth form._

_Tonks: Fair enough. Now I'll let you get back to work. Oh, for you readers Scott the Wander does not own Harry Potter, Palladium Books or anything related. He's not making any money off this. _

_Scott: Nicely done, I take it you have a request._

_Tonks: Yeah, I want some hot omnisexual sister-wives. What? I like to watch._

_Scott: Already handled ~hands notepad to Tonks~_

_Tonks: Oooh, I am impressed how did you convince her? _

_Scott: She demanded a spousal upgrade._

_Tonks: Yeah, can understand that. Oh, you'll make sure Remus gets someone._

_Scott: Already planned out. _

* * *

><p>AN:

BBWulf: Thanks, I know a self insert timetravel fic might seem like a bad idea, but I hope I put enough twists to make it interesting.

JakeWolf: Yes, Kreacher is sly, and in my opinion always has been. You can bet money he enjoyed watching the Weasleys do his job. As for who else Harry ends up with, well that is the fun of this story. The Dimensional Market will be a trip, and definitely a memorable one, Splynn is one of a kind.

senpen banka: Thanks

darer1992: Thank you. I had thought of the same thing on an amusing scale though.

Ronin Kenshin: Thank you

Penny is wise: Thanks, I just had the idea of what if Kreacher was nasty to Sirius because Sirius never let him help in pranks.

Madengineer: Thank you

Percy Jackson7: Thank you

geetac: Thanks and I will attempt to keep up the good work.

* * *

><p>"So are you going to hand me a towel, or do we continue to ogle each other for a while?" While Nym was very impressed by her new husband's physique, the shower had been rather sobering and she managed not to just jump him. This meant that despite it being six months since she got laid, she was in firm control of her hormones. Though if she had to keep staring at a naked Harry, that might just change. "Not that I mind the view. Definitely one of the wonders of the Wizarding world in my humble opinion."<p>

"Oh, Sorry. Uh, here." Harry snapped out of his daze long enough to grab a towel and toss it to Tonks before turning around in order to be a gentleman. Not that he hadn't already memorized her body and stored in the 'Patronus worthy' memory files in his mind. "I, uh, didn't realize you were here."

"Relax, Harry, we're married. You're allowed to look, encouraged even." Nym chuckled as she started drying herself off. She wasn't going to tell him that the back view was almost as good as the front. She was thinking the only way it could be better is if she left teeth marks on his ass. "Hell, if you got a certain fantasy woman type, feel free to suggest alterations. What's good about being a metamorphmagus if you can't play with it a bit?"

"W-what? Why would I do that? You're practically perfect the way you are." Harry almost stuttered through the whole thing.

"That's only sweet because I know it isn't a line." Nym chuckled. "That and you didn't try the 'Show me your true form' to get in my panties. I can't count how many dates asked me that. It's bloody insulting. It also shows they haven't the bollocks to keep up with me."

* * *

><p>Sirius Black was trying very hard to suppress his laughter. He had the perfect prank to pull on his godson. One that was all too easy to perform. He knew there was no way that Harry taking his Lordships could be suppressed. It would take the front page of the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler away from his escape from Azkaban. The Editors of both periodicals had too many connections in the Ministry for it to remain secret. So Sirius was just going to give them another juicy story. With a few simple strokes of the quill, he'd copied down the pertinent data. Now all he had to do was get Kreacher to deliver it, as well as intercept the paper before Harry could read it.<p>

"Kreacher." Sirius called out, but kept his tone civil. Learning about Dobby had altered he perception on how to treat all House Elves.

"Master Sirius calls Kreacher?" Kreacher popped right next to his Master still smiling over the prank he pulled on the Halfblood Heir. "What can Kreacher do?"

"I am arranging for Harry's other wives to know about the contracts. I need you to take these letters to the Prophet and the Quibbler." Sirius handed the envelopes to Kreacher and had to suppress the chuckle. "And for the next few days, I need you to destroy any copies of either paper before harry can see them."

"Kreacher always wanted to help Master Sirius in a prank, but was always denied. It made Kreacher angry." Kreacher took the letters with no small amount of glee. "Kreacher will happily help Master Sirius prank Master Harry."

Before Sirius could respond the elf popped away, leaving him speechless for a moment. "Well, I'll be buggered. I just thought he hated me."

* * *

><p>Lucius Malfoy grunted as he stood up, the pain in both knees flaring. He soundly cursed the House Elf who had broken both of his kneecaps. While magic could heal them, it took time for the pain to completely subside. Of course this was the least of his worries. Somehow, his own flesh and blood had screwed up everything and never told him. Draco was no longer Heir Malfoy, in fact he hadn't been for almost two years. At least that was what the letter from the College of Arms had informed him. He should have heard it from Draco himself, but the boy was obvious either stupid or a coward. If it was a simple matter of inheritance alone, Lucius would not be as upset. No, it had to go far beyond that. This blunder on Draco's part jeopardized everything.<p>

"Father, you called for me?" Draco entered his Father's study with a small manner of trepidation. The way the elf had spoken to him had been a prime indicator that his Father was furious. His only prayer as it was not at him.

"Yes, I did Draco. Now normally I would let you guess the reason, test your cunning." Lucius barely kept himself from hexing his son. "However, I just received a notice that confirms just how little cunning you actually have."

"Father?"

"You challenged the Heir of a Most Noble and Most Ancient House and failed to appear at the duel. Did you lose all common sense?" Lucius roared. Seeing his son about to protest he continued. "Never mind that was rhetorical. Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin paid a visit to the College of Arms today. Your asinine plan to get the Boy-Who-Lived in trouble has instead surrendered your Rights as Heir to him. To make matters worse I learn of this after the deal is done. If I attempt to disown him, House Malfoy ceases to exist. If you had told me sooner I could have at least attempted to claim custody and dispose of the Boy. Now he is a Five-Fold-Lord and is virtually untouchable."

"Father, he is Muggle-raised, he should never have been able to understand just what happened." Draco was always quick to deflect blame. "The Weasleys are clueless about these matters."

"So you are calling me a liar?"

"Never, Father, merely pointing out that this could very well be a prank perpetrated by your enemies."

"A prank? Would a prankster be able to send me a certified copy of the Blood Patent?" Lucius roared as he shoed the offending scroll painfully into his son's chest. "I verified it with the Herald."

"So simply leave him the title and not the monies or the estate." Draco frowned, losing the title of Lord Malfoy would hurt, but he was sure with the estate he could forge a new name.

"It is all Entitled, you blithering idiot. Aside from your mother's private account everything belongs to the Title." Lucius shouted down his son, taking great pleasure in seeing him pale. "Not to mention, thanks to my fool of a father, I am only Lord until the brat turns twenty. He never understood the Honor of serving the Dark Lord and made it clear that because of my Mark, that I must surrender the Lordship as soon as my Heir is of Age. Then I will be reduced to praying for the generosity of the new Lord Malfoy. When it was you, I expected you would not throw your Father out and use me as a front. Now, I'll be lucky to call a filthy alley home."

"I need a drink." Draco muttered as he contemplated just how screwed he was.

* * *

><p>"Ted, we might have a problem." Andromeda Tonks was staring at the missive from the Ministry. It wasn't official, just a note from a school friend. When she had read it the first time, she had honestly thought it was a joke. Then she remembered Alanis had no sense of humor at all. That was when she needed a good shot of Fire Whiskey. Watching her husband enter the room, Andromeda finished her third shot in ten minutes. "It seems our dear Nymphadora is married."<p>

"Oh, for the love of all that his Holy, how did this happen? Please tell me she didn't go to Vegas with the Charlie bloke. His head is not wired too tight." Ted actually liked Charlie Weasley, but any guy who would leave his daughter to go study dragons was obviously a nutter.

"No, she is married to Heir Black. An old contract written before either of us was out of nappies." Andromeda shook her head ruefully. "I guess I wasn't completely disowned."

"Oh Bloody Hell, Sirius had a kid? That would make them second cousins, I know Purebloods don't mind incest…"

"No, Sirius never had a child. He named his Godson Heir Black, and today he claimed his birthright, activating the Marriage contract." Andromeda frowned. "Our rather hot-tempered daughter is married to Harry Potter."

"Bollocks."

* * *

><p>"A Five-Fold-Lord? Well, congratulations are in order, my dear boy." Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore chuckled after he read the missive from the College of Arms. While it appeared that his primary plan was in shambles, his secondary plan was indeed on track. Truth be told he preferred this plan as it would not darken his already stained soul. Looking to the empty perch that Fawkes normally sat he sighed and prayed his friend had luck in training Hedwig. "Mitzy?"<p>

"What can Mitzy do for the Headmaster?" Dumbledore's personal House Elf was all smiles as she appeared before her Master. She usually worked in the Kitchens at Hogwarts, but since he Master had need of her at times she always kept an ear out.

"Tomorrow I will be taking tea with Professor McGonagall. I want you to make her favorite dish." Albus smiled to the last friendly member of his family. He had only himself to blame for Aberforth never talking to him. "Also, gather together my files regarding Harry Potter, including the ones in the special cabinet."

* * *

><p>"Some idiot actually asked to see your 'True Form'?" Harry did not have to fake surprise, he thought most people would understand what an insult that was. He and Hermione had stumbled across the description of Metamorphmagi before they found the Polyjuice recipe. They had been so disappointed to find it was an inborn talent and could not be learned. Still he had read up on them as it was intriguing. "That's almost as bad as 'Harry, how much is this 99p candybar?'. I'll assume you hexed their bits off."<p>

"Right in one." Nym chuckled. "Oh, in case you were wondering, I am Nymphadora, your wife for the Black family. Now if you like your bits where they are you'll call me Nym, got it?"

"I am rather attached to my bits, so Nym it is." Harry nodded still not turning around. "I guess the scar gave away my identity."

"Yep, but I promise not to gush over the whole Boy-Who-Lived thing." Nym chuckled before letting out a sigh. "Now would you get a towel, before I lose all control and jump you."

Despite the fact that Harry's mind conjured all sorts of wonderful image of what being pounced by Nymphadora would be like, he grabbed a towel and quickly made a kilt for himself. Once he was sure he was somewhat modest he turned to face his wife. On one hand he was happy she had wrapped herself covering the essential bits. On the other he wished she had remained naked as it had been a wonderful image.

"So, do we talk about the situation we are in now, or later when we're the bed I am contractually obligated to share with you." Nym arched an eyebrow trying to be stern.

"If you'll let me take a shower, we can talk over dinner. I need your promise to hear everything out before you do anything else." Harry knew this would be tough. Nym was an Auror and the moment she saw Sirius he was expecting a fight and an attempt to bring him in. "I'll swear that you'll come to no harm here as long as you don't start anything."

"Well, I can extend you this much courtesy. I, Nymphadora Venus Potter-Black nee Tonks, swear on my magic to not take any harmful action against anyone in this house tonight, unless attacked first." Nym had pulled her wand from behind her ear to swear her oath. Unlike most would think you did not lose your magic for violating such an oath, your magic worked with your oath to make sure you kept your word. Done with her vow, she tucked the wand behind her ear again and stepped past Harry, making sure to brush her breasts along his shoulder. "There, now I'll just go get dressed. Unless you'd rather I join you."

"U-uhn…Probably better if I shower alone, Dobby and Kreacher will be upset if we don't arrive to dinner on time." Harry managed not to stutter, but only barely. Again pictures flashed in his mind of just what they would be doing in the shower. Each thought was more interesting than the last, but something seemed off about the offer so he shunted his hormones to the side.

"Pity." Nym sighed in faux disappointment before she left the bathroom, closing the door behind her. When she heard the lock click she chuckled softly. "Ah, a true gentleman. So rare these days. I could have done a lot worse."

* * *

><p>Ronald Weasley was cursing his luck at this moment. Millicent had insisted that he get a new wardrobe using some of the allowance money. She had sweetened the deal by modeling a few things for him, but that had only delayed returning to the Burrow. He was still home before curfew, but well after dinner. He had never been late for dinner in his life, not even the day he had broken his arm and had to go to St. Mungo's. So of course his parents would notice and be worried. It also meant that when he walked through the door, with Millicent glued to his side, his Mother immediately noticed his new robes.<p>

"Ronald Billius Weasley! Just what do you think you are doing dressing in robes with the Crabbe coat of arms?" Molly wasn't yelling yet, but she was definitely upset and working up to it.

"Ah, Mrs. Weasley, it is a pleasure to see you again." Millicent had long gotten used to intimidating people. Her father was the largest pure human in the wizarding world, standing well over seven feet tall, and he had a terrible temper. Next to him, Molly Weasley was a little more than fierce kitten. "I was hoping you would be up and we could share the good news?"

"Good news?" Arthur had come out from the family room where he had been playing a fascinating muggle boardgame with the Twins. Noticing Ron's new robes, the Weasley Patriach raised an eyebrow. "Ron, you do realize the implications of those robes, right?"

"Yes, Dad. Uhm…I won heirship to House Crabbe by being Harry's second in a Wizarding duel." Ron winced and prepared for his mother's verbal assault. Deciding to just get all of it out of the way he continued. "And Millicent's Betrothal Contract is with Heir Crabbe, not Vincent."

Normally, the Burrow is a loud and rambunctious place. There never seems to be a moment's respite from noise or chaos during the day hours and much of the night. At this moment, the whole Burrow was dead silent. Even the Twins were not making a sound. It was so quiet that one could hear dust hitting the floor. After what seemed like an eternity there was a motherly squeal of joy.

"Ooohhhh, my baby boy is going to be a Lord!" Molly crooned as she managed to sweep both her son and new fiancé in a nearly bone-crushing hug. "And he's got a good witch at his side. Oh, I am so proud of you!."

Despite not being able to draw in air, Ron was almost giddy. His mother had so rarely been proud of him. Even when he befriended Harry Potter, she had admonished him that he better not just be after the boy's fame. With all his older brothers being smarter than him, and each distinguishing themselves, he'd thought he would always fail to measure up. Now, though, he had something that he had earned, even if it was by goading his friend into a duel.

"Well, I had heard Harry became Heir Malfoy, I assume this is related." Arthur asked after his wife finally released his son and daughter-in-law to be. When he saw the nod from Ron he smiled warmly. "Well, this calls for a celebration. Tomorrow we have a party, I assume Millicent will be here yes?"

"About that…my father forbade me from telling Ronald, hoping he would remain ignorant of the effects of the aborted duel. I am homeless." Millicent cast her eye downward, not wanting anyone to see the tear in her eye.

"Nonsense, you are Ron's betrothed. You will stay here, either with Ginny or Ronald for now." Arthur smiled warmly. "Just refrain from giving me grandchildren until at least OWLS."

"Arthur dear, Ginny can't host Millicent, Luna is currently staying here for the week." Molly interrupted as she brought out a pot of still warm stew. "So, naturally Ron will just have to share his room with his fiancé. Just please use silencing charms, I don't want you waking the Ghoul."

Ron was dumbfounded. He had thought his family would explode over this news. He was also pretty sure that his Mother would rather slay a Nundu than allow a girl to stay in his room. Add in the hints that they assumed that he would bed Millie, and his brain nearly shutdown.

"Don't worry Mrs. Weasley, I know plenty of good silencing charms and the contraceptive charm. My mother was a firm believer in 'be prepared' and taught me everything I might need to know."

* * *

><p>"Συγκομιδή οστού!" The shape redhead shouted as she thrust her wand at the oncoming Troll. With grim satisfaction she saw the left femur tear through the beasts thigh to lad at her feet. Of course the behemoth howled in rage and pain as it collapsed to the ground. Of course and angry troll is still very dangerous. The redhead had to dodge a swing of the troll's club.<p>

"Συγκομιδή πνευμόνων!" With a wet squishy pop, both of the Troll's lungs burst out through the creatures screaming mouth. Normally, trying to choke a Troll is pointless as they can hold their breath for hours. However, emptying their lungs by turning them inside out is very effective.

"Ψυχή συγκομιδής!" Another flick of the wand and the flailing Troll was stilled as a flash of white energy flew from it's eyes and into the open mouth of the redhead.

"Nicely done. I was unsure how you would fare against a Troll." An older woman shed her invisibility cloak and smiled at the young Witch. "I could not defeat one until I was nearly twenty. Even then, I did not have the talent in the Harvesting spells you possess."

"Thank you, Mistress." The younger witch bowed deeply out of respect. "I have completed my task, Mistress. What is the next Ordeal?"

"None. That was the final test as an Acolyte." The older woman beamed. "You are now the Disciple of Death in my place."

"Oh, I hope that doesn't mean you are leaving." The young witch barely kept herself from pouting.

"Hardly, I still serve faithfully. I am just no longer Death's Chosen Servant. That falls to you, Susan, hopefully you will be capable of finishing what I was unable to. Remember, it matter not how Voldemort dies, only that you help defeat him."

"I understand Auntie." Susan Bones nodded as she slipped her wand back into the sheath.

* * *

><p>"Took you long enough. What did you do? Rub one out?" Nym playfully teased as Harry finally came out of the bathroom. She had transfigured her work clothes into something better resembling her daily wear. Of course that consisted of a cropped Weird Sisters shirt, hip hugger, emerald green thong and combat boots. The look alone would give most purebloods a coronary, but they would die with a smile on their face. "Come on, I'm starving."<p>

"Alright, I'm more than a little hungry too." Harry was unsure just how she had figured it out. He only took a twenty minute shower, well as far as the clock was concerned. A little Temporal Dilation to relieve the stress of the day was not out of line. Shaking his head ruefully he offered his arm to his wife and was thankful he managed to transfigure some clothes out of the towel.

"I'd imagine claiming five Lordships, four Heirships, finding out you are married already and since there is no way in hell I am having nine kids you will be having other wives." Nym listed things off about his busy day. "Not to mention I would be my Auror badge you've had some help figuring things out."

"Wait, you're alright with me having other wives?" Harry was stuck on that one. Despite having knowledge that some men did not practice monogamy, he was surprised that Nym seemed to just accept it. "I mean, don't women normally hate that?"

"Well, Muggles do for the most part. Especially ones influenced by the Catholic Church which made monogamy a big thing so the Church would have more Monks and Nun, thus giving the Church more wealth." Nym shrugged. "The Wizarding world is largely Christian, but early Christian and monogamy is seen as a choice. Polygamy is rare, but not even blinked at. Polygyny on the other hand is frowned upon except in the case of Identical twins marrying a single woman. My mother did a study of Wizarding World sexual preferences. Homosexuality is almost unheard of in Wizards or Witch. Bisexuality is extremely common, almost eighty percent of females and forty percent of the men. Omnisexuality is pretty common as well." Seeing Harry's confusion, Nym continued. "Omnisexuals are universally excited by both genders, where Bisexuals prefer one gender over the other if only slightly. True Heterosexuality is as rare as Homosexuality, both are usually linked with freakishly powerful wizards. Something in extremely powerful Wizards and Witches like on the Dumbledore, Grindlewand, Croaker, Voldemort, and your level seems to extremely polarize a Magical person's sexual tendencies."

"So, most Wizards I know are turned on by other Wizards…this explains the coed showers." Harry shuddered dramatically. "So, I notice you haven't asked my leanings."

"Sweetie, the way your eyes rolled over me you are definitely purely Hetero." Nym chuckled. "And most Wizards are probably turned on by anything with two legs, but they chase after girls as it is more socially acceptable, so don't worry."

"Do I dare ask about you?" Harry blurted out before his internal filter could kick in. Almost instantly his hand slapped over his mouth.

"Omnisexual, but that is due to be a Metamorphmagus. I can actually simulate being a guy." Nym shrugged completely unfazed by the question. "Another reason I don't mind being one of at least nine women in your life. Though I am telling you this now, I expect to be consulted on all future wives and any House Black Consorts, got it?"

"Sounds fair. I have two Contract Wives, but I have no clue who they are." Harry muttered that just as they had stepped into the dining room. Dobby and Kreacher must have put a great deal of effort into cleaning the room as it was returned to it's most glorious days. Unlike most of the Manor it was not dark or forboding, the walls were Ravenclaw Blue with Bronze accents and the ceiling sported a brilliant crystal chandelier. "Now, remember your earlier promise."

Nympadora was about to ask why she needed to remember he promise when a familiar looking man entered the room. She stood stock still for a moment as her eyes wandered over a much healthier Sirius Black than she imagined he would be. For a moment she had reached for her wand, but her magic reminded her of her vow. With a slight growl she turned to the young man she could punish.

"Explain."

"Sirius Black was not the Secret Keeper for my Parents. He did not betray them. Somehow people forgot he was my sworn Godfather and could not betray me or my parents." Harry replied as calmly as possible. "He was sent to Azkaban without a trial."

"It's true. I hunted down the real culprit, the traitor Peter Pettigrew. When I caught up with him, he set off an explosion and took his rat form after severing a single finger." Sirius raised both hands showing he was not wearing a Wand holster, and turned around to show it was not tucked in belt. "Please, little Nymphadora, I need someone besides Harry who can believe me."

"If I hadn't made a promise I would stun you and drag you back to the Ministry." Nym's eyes narrowed as she regarded the escaped prisoner. "I want the full story of what has been going on, and I want it now. And I swear, Sirius, if you are the reason I am in a contract with Harry, then you will not live long enough to be Kissed."

* * *

><p>"This is a nightmare." Lavendar Brown was pacing back and forth in her bedroom as her bestfriend and said bestfriend's sister watched her. The curly haired blonde was waving around a scroll in a frantic matter. She had just gotten the nerve up to write he crush when her cousin's letter arrived. "Parvati, Padma…What am I going to do? He's got three contracts already! Three! His family has not done Marriage Contracts in one hundred fifty years. I thought I had a clear shot at him!"<p>

"How do you think we feel? His family is famous for taking consorts of their wives best friends. It would have allowed us to escape the contract our Grandfather wants us to take." Parvati grimaced. She did not want to marry because of a contract, especially not to a fifty year old man with eighteen wives already. "You were our hope."

"I do not see what the two of you are worried about. There are multiple ways of snaring a position in his House." Padma shrugged as she turned the page on her astrophysics primer. She had many fights with her father about how she wished to study muggle science. "Though given his taste in female company the two of you need to start applying yourself to your full potential. Neither of you is Hermione, but you are not nearly as dumb as you pretend."

"Still, I have to contend with three sister-wives. If he allows them any say…well, the gossip mill has hurt a few people despite our efforts." Lavendar was not much calmer, but she was managing to keep from shouting or waving dramatically. "Oh god, what if one of the wives is one of the girls that I took to broom closets to gain his attention? He's gonna think I am a slag!"

"Well, it that happens we use it to our advantage. We drag him to a classroom and give him a show." Parvati shrugged. "Anything it takes, Lav."

* * *

><p>Nymphadora had listened to the whole explanation through dinner. Twice she had to take a double of Fire-Whiskey in order to deal with some of the information. Her new hubby was from the future. One where their contract never activated, but he would not say why. It was a future where she had died as well as Sirius. The world had become the dog's lunch even more so than now. After Harry explained the broad strokes of his plan, she felt a bit better. Still it was a lot to absorb.<p>

"So, you thinking of getting with your Ex as Lady Potter?" Nym finally found a question she could ask that was not going to cause her headaches.

"Well, no as really I don't feel that for her. So no Ginny Weasley as a wife. As a little-sister perhaps, but not wife, consort or even concubine." Harry replied. Something told him that being with Ginny romantically was going to be a train wreck. Besides he had better ideas. "No Hermione either, she's like the Twin Sister I never had."

"Shame, she is a lot like Lily." Sirius mused after he nearly swallowed one Yorkshire pudding whole.

"Madam Umbridge is a lot like Walburgia." Harry shot back. "Interested?"

"Point taken." Sirius shuddered at that image. It wasn't his mother's looks that was revolting, it was her whole approach to life in general.

"Well, I want in. Madam Bones already assigned me as your bodyguard, so I have to be around no matter what." Nym finally made her decision. "But for all this you better find a really hot blonde I can play with. Not submissive either, I want a girl who is willing to take what she wants in bed from time to time."

* * *

><p>AN 2:

Casting note due to Aphrodite playing in this universe

Nymphadora Venus Potter-Black nee Tonks - Stefanie Knight

Susan Amelia Bones – Lucy Collett

Amelia Bones – Bianca Beauchamp

Lavendar Brown – Lucy Pinder

Padma and Parvati Patil – Tehmeena Afzal

Bellatrix Lestrange aka Bella Black (the Original)—Alice Goodwin

Bellatrix Lestrange (the Simulacrum)—Helen Bonham Carter

Narcissa Malfoy – Valerie Cormier

FYI: The reason for distinction on the two Bellatrix is that the Original created the Simulacrum to serve as a surrogate so it could be Lestrange's wife and as a Death Eater, then the Original had an ungodly amount of magical surgery done so she would not be mistaken for her Simulacrum and punished for it's crimes. Plus, I kinda like the thought of sane Bellatrix and insane Bellatrix both running around, and neither one of them what someone would call "good".

* * *

><p>AN 2:

Susan's spells in order are Bone Harvest, Lung Harvest, and Soul Harvest.


	6. Of Intentions and Pranks

_Susan Bones: Ooh, is that a Lap-Top? My Auntie told me about those. Could it really hold the whole Hogwarts Library?_

_Scott: Yes, it is and probably not the whole library, but a good portion of it at least._

_Susan (Leaning extra close): I see you're working on the next chapter. I was wondering why you made me into a Necromancer. Do I strike you as evil?_

_Scott: Necromancy is the magic of Life and Death, Suze, as you well know. One need not be evil to practice it._

_Susan (sighs in relief): Good, I was hoping you would recognize that. I didn't want to be like Voldemort._

_Scott: Nah, though you will be a lot more vicious than most versions of yourself, at least to your enemies anyway._

_Susan: I can live with that. It's not like there are many reformed Death Eaters, so giving them another shot at killing is not something I would do. _

_Scott: Exactly. Now was there a reason for your visit?_

_Susan: I hate to ask this, but you're not planning to make me the Heir of Hufflepuff are you? It's so…tacky._

_Scott: No, I have another in mind for that._

_Susan: Phew, I wanted to be recognized more for my skills than anything else. Well, since I am here. Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter, Palladium Books, or anything related. He hasn't seen a single pence from this._

_Scott: Thanks for that Susan._

_Susan: You're welcome. I have a request._

_Scott: I thought you might._

_Susan: I want something fun from Splynn to play with._

* * *

><p>mwinter1: And I happily deliver<p>

silver: Thank you, it's always nice to hear compliments.

discb: Doesn't everyone love Tonks…As for Suze, yeah she can be a badass.

geetac: thank you, I am just writing what comes to me

Ronin Kenshin: Well, Fleur is just so lovable when written well…and Fleur/Tonks action is just plain hot. So I can't blame you for your preference.

As for the Guest whose anonymous review I deleted: If you do not like a story that is one thing, but unless your negative review has constructive criticism I will not let it be posted anonymously. There is little point in just talking crap.

* * *

><p>Harry Potter was not in the most pleasant of moods. His wife had figured out the ultimate punishment for his part in their marriage. Nym was a flirt and a tease by nature. Just by being her she could get a rise out of a corpse. When she actually put her mind to it, she could easily defeat most Veela for winding a man up. Last night she had done that to Harry and then left him high and dry. And it wasn't like she did so by making him sleep on the couch. No, the sadistic Metamorphmagus slept spooning Harry from behind, teasing him even further. When they woke she acted like nothing happened at all. He had a case of blue balls that almost physically painful.<p>

"Morning, Husband." Nym literally skipped into the kitchen and kissed Harry cheek on her way to a seat. She was in a marvelous mood this morning thanks to hangover potions. Of course her sort-of revenge on Harry for his small part in their nuptials also helped her mood. She figured three nights like this would be suitable punishment seeing as Harry did not form the contract himself. As for her great grandfather, once she found his portrait the real revenge would begin. "So what is on the agenda today?"

"Morning." Harry grumbled before drinking down his second cup of coffee. He was unsure when he became addicted to the beverage, but knew that without it he'd start casting AKs at anyone who annoyed him. Giving Nym a minor glare that did nothing to dampen her cheer, he sighed heavily. "After breakfast we are contacting Naruni Enterprises for our first order. I've had Dobby preparing a firing range in the basement with some of the strongest wards he can create layered at least three dozen times. After all, we'll need to train with some of the weapons I'll be buying."

"You never did explain why that much protection. Isn't that as the American's say: overkill?" Sirius looked up from his breakfast. He remembered orders given to Dobby. He hadn't questioned it at the time, only because he was trying to keep Harry distracted as Kreacher destroyed the copy of the Quibbler that came that morning. "One of those wards would stop nearly any muggle rifle round."

"One of the least powerful pistols we will be buying uses a Light Plasma Cartridge that does similar damage to a 75mm cannon." Harry responded without looking up from his full English breakfast. He never ate this much at a setting before, but the potions demanded fuel to work with. "One of the more powerful guns makes the 120mm cannon on the new Challenger tank seem a little wimpy. That's before we get into missile launchers, grenade launchers or even K-Hex explosives. My goal in this war is to fight with magic, technology and technowizardy. I want the next wannabe Dark Lord to be scared shitless that I might have taught my successor everything I know."

"Bloody Hell." Sirius and Nym muttered at the same moment as they tried to picture just what Harry was speaking of.

* * *

><p>"Something has changed." Bella Black stated simply as she closed her copy of the Daily Prophet. The headline story had been about Harry Potter instead of Sirius Black. That in itself was odd, but the contents of thr story were slight disturbing to the Dark Witch. "It seems Harry is less damaged than I thought."<p>

"How so?" Narcissa Malfoy was enjoying her morning. Something had her husband so riled up he had never come to bed. While she had entered the marriage hoping for love, she had found precious little with her husband. In fact the only thing she shared with her Husband is they both loved their son, despite his flaws. So a night without Lucius was always a good thing.

"He is now Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin and if the story here is correct he is Heir of Dumbledore, Malfoy and McGonagall as well as Black." Bella's brow furrowed. "I had thought his so called family had beaten much of the curiosity and self worth out of him. It seems I was wrong, and it changes much. My plans are compromised, not irrevocably, but still compromised. It will be harder to attain his trust."

"Heir Malfoy?" Narcissa had nearly choked on her tea. "How in Morgana's name did he become Heir Malfoy?"

"It says here, by conquest. Given your son's arrogance far outstrips his father's I would think he foolishly challenged Harry to a duel and lost." Bella shrugged. She loved her nephew as family, but that did not mean she liked him all that much. "With how he has treated Lord Potter in the past, I expect Draco could find himself destitute in the future."

"Oooh, when I get a hold of him I will tan his hide, whether Lucius objects or not." Narcissa fumed to the point smoke might as well have been coming from her nostrils. "I was approached with the possible Line Continuation contract and by Merlin I am altering it to put him under her control. It's obvious he needs guidance."

"I cannot argue there. He's far too impulsive for his own good." Bella shrugged. "Now, I need to adjust my plans for approaching Harry. Obviously, I can't take the route I had planned as he's already accomplished the very thing I was going to show him."

"Well, if you could get Sirius to dissolve your marriage you could approach Harry as a possible Lady Slytherin." Narcissa shrugged. "Though you would have competition I'd imagine."

"You think?"

* * *

><p>Susan Bones was staring at her copy of the Quibbler slack jawed. The reason was simple. Her long time crush was gracing the cover and not in one the few Quiditch photos taken at Hogwarts. The photo was of him exiting Madam Malkins in robes denoting his Houses. The title was as lurid as possible 'Boy-Who-Lived seeking Wives-who-can share'. While it was true that every little witch of her generation had at least a passing crush on the Boy-Who-Lived, Susan's was on Harry himself. She'd actually developed her crush during the two years she had known him at Hogwarts. Well, she wasn't exactly close to him like Hermione or Weasley, but she got to see the cute and sweet guy he was. Not to mention she heard of his real exploits from Hermione during study group. To say she was smitten was an understatement of epic proportions.<p>

"You'll catch flies, dear." Amelia Bones took a sip of her tea. She knew exactly why her niece was slack jawed. She had done extensive research on Sirius Black and Harry Potter and knew about the Black and Peverell contracts. Gryffindor had been a surprise to be sure, but it was not insurmountable. "Something interesting in the paper?"

Susan's jaw closed with an audible click as her Aunt's words and tone sunk in. She was one of the few people who could read her Aunt perfect. She knew what every tone, inflection, and even eye movement meant. "You knew he took his Lordships, didn't you?"

Amelia chuckled as her niece sent her a glare that would likely send even Moody running. Taking another sip of her tea she continued. "You'll notice they mention a contract for Black, Gryffindor and Peverell, but only the specifics for the Gryffindor Contract. I actually pity poor Harald for all the work he'll have in the next few months. I happen to know the Black Contract is filled. You remember Auror Tonks? Well, she now has to report as Auror Potter-Black. As for the Peverell Contract, it is Ancient, nearly a thousand years old, and calls for the Disciple of Thanatos."

"You knew ahead of time! That's why we had my Ordeal last night, two full years early!" Susan's glare softened a little as she realized her Aunt had given her an incredible gift. "Though I am surprised you didn't snatch him up yourself. Husband like that and you'll be Minister of Magic inside of a year."

"While I will admit he is a handsome young man, the age difference would not bother me in the slightest, and I wouldn't mind finding out if what they say about Parselmouths is true, I would not do that to you Susan." Amelia could only grin as the killing glare from her niece intensified. "You hid it well by chasing after Ernie, but it's been clear to those who know you that you have been crushing on Lord Potter for some time. Since I believed you were ready to take up your role as Disciple, I arranged the Ordeal so you could have what you wanted since middle of your First year at Hogwarts."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain gentleman escaping from Azkaban then?" It was Susan's turn to needle her Aunt and as she saw the brief flush on the older woman's cheeks she nearly crowed in victory. "Well, then the question is how do I become Lady Peverell and still continue the Bones line?"

"Oh, you won't have to. I am not the only woman with my eye on Black. The other one is from a well established line, so she'll be Black and I will remain Lady Bones, thus keeping the Bloodgift in the Bones and Peverell lines." Amelia replied twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "Unless you want to spread it to the Black line."

"Definitely not. We do not need to breed another Dracul." Susan shuddered as she considered the mistake her family had made centuries past. "I think I can live with being Lady Potter-Peverell."

* * *

><p>"Greetings, you can call me Trader Joe." The being standing in front of them had clearly spoken, despite not having a mouth to speak out of. Of course that was only one of several oddities about him. Trader Joe was six feet tall and humanoid but that is where the similarities to humans ended. His deep blue skin, bulbous jet black eyes, and hairless scalp clearly marked him as not normal, the lack of mouth was just icing on the cake. "Which one of you fine beings would be Lord Potter?"<p>

Sirius and Nym were completely stunned by the completely alien appearance of Trader Joe. Being in the magical world prepared a person for many strange things, but this was beyond their experience. Of course some ingrained behaviors still came naturally and when Joe asked for Harry, they both immediately point to the young man.

"That would be me, though please call me Harry, only people who annoy me have to call me Lord Potter." Harry chuckled softly trying to dispel his nerves.

"Excellent, Harry, I am your personal Naruni Sales Representative. Now, I know you have not purchased anything before, so here is our most recent catalogue." Trader Joe pulled out tablet, something only seen on Earth via Star Trek and Star Wars until that moment. "Of course, bulk orders will include a discount depending on the size of the order and method of payment. We also offer very generous lines of credit with flexible payment arrangements. For my information, just how will you be paying?"

"In precious metals: Platinum, Gold, Silver and Copper." Harry responded as he started up the catalogue. He knew the basics of Naruni weaponry, but it was always good to see what exactly they offered. "They come in one hundred twenty troy ounce bars, certified 99.95% pure."

"And how large of an order are we talking, Harry?" Trader Joe would have smiled if he had a mouth, as he didn't he simply let his excitement carry through verbally.

"Fairly large and I realize the personalized nature of some of the items will take a while. I am inputting the larger order now, but today I need a few things I know you can deliver immediately. Also I need to talk to you about buying or leasing a Simulator Hub." Harry was busily marking the items and quantities he wanted. "I need Steelcloth robes for myself, my friends and the House Elves. I'd also need two dozen NE Earth Classic Pistols, I would prefer a mix of Browning, Berreta and Sig Sauer. I would like thirty cases of Light Plasma Cartridges, Two dozen Ripper vibroknives, four cases of K-HEX Fragmentation Grenades, a NE-200 Plasma Cartridge Machine gun outfitted for a ten foot tall humanoid, twenty cases of Standard Plasma Cartridges, one NE-75H Shoulder Cannon with Advanced Thermal Imaging and five cases of Heavy Plasma cartridges. Finally, I need a six of each small, medium and large Steelcloth robes in both male and female as well as one set of robes for a ten foot tall gentleman."

"Bloody Hell Harry!" Sirius blurted out, surprised at the precise nature of the order.

"Oh, and I would appreciate cleaning kits for all the weapons. We need to maintain them after all." Harry chuckled.

"Yes, I can supply all of that immediately. The robes will be in basic black, but from what my superiors tell me, they take to color changing magic very well." Joe was giddy as he added up the immediate supply order. He would make his weekly quota just with that. "Well, given the size of your two orders, you receive a seventeen percent discount. That will be…One billion four hundred fifty seven million nine hundred twenty thousand Universal Credits. How do you wish to pay?"

"Three hundred and ten thousand tons of Copper." Harry replied making both Nym and Sirius faint dead away.

"That is roughly one percent more than the sum of your purchases, are you certain?" Trader Joe was a little shocked that the human in front of him did not attempt to cheat a little extra money out of the system.

"Consider it a tip as well as incentive for future service." Harry grinned. "I will write you a draft at Gringotts, do you need directions?"

"No, Naruni deals with Gringotts Interdimensional Bank quite often. They'll contact the local Gringotts and arrange the transfer." Trader Joe was nearly chuckling in glee. This sale would make him employee of the month for sure. After all, it was the off season for arms dealing.

"Well, learn something new every day." Harry chuckled as he finished signing the draft. "How soon can I expect delivery?"

"Within the hour for your verbal order, by August 7th for the remainder. It will take three days for the technicians to set up the simulators and synch them locally. Given the Degree of Separation from the Three Galaxies it would take decades to synch with any units there." Joe responded praying that dashing the customer's hopes would not lose him future sales.

"That's fine, I just need them to train the locals in how to use what I bought." Harry chuckled.

"I see. Well, farewell Lord Potter, and remember: There is no overkill. There is just Open Fire, Reload, and Target reduced to Quarks." With that parting wisdom, Trader Joe activated his ride home. A moment later a crack of blue light formed in the middle of the air. With a slightly sloppy salute, Joe stepped into the crack and disappeared. A moment later the crack shrank down to a pinpoint before vanishing all together.

"Well, good thing I planned on harvesting the Basilisk, the venom is the only way I am going afford what I need in Splynn." Harry sighed as he looked to his two companions. They really had no clue what was coming next.

* * *

><p>Hermione was more than a little anxious as she untied the letter from the Beauxbatons' Post Owl. Despite not wanting to leave her friends she had been impressed by the school. While Hogwarts had better Transfiguration and Arithmancy programs, the French school offered courses in Magical Society, Modern Magical History, and their Potions professor was actually friendly. On the other hand her new friend Gabrielle would not get that open third year slot. She really didn't know whether to hope this letter was an acceptance of a polite denial.<p>

"Gryffindors charge forward." She muttered to herself as she ripped open the envelope and pulled out the pages of parchment.

_Miss Hermione Jane Granger_

_It with a heavy heart I am unable to extend an invitation to one of the most promising students to apply to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. While your scores were extremely impressive and set more than a few academic records for applicants, the single remaining placement was awarded another. I am so very sorry._

_However, I do have some promising news: Professors Renault and Benoit were very impressed with your agile mind and aspirations. As such the Professors have requested that Beauxbatons extend the courtesy of arranging correspondence courses in Magical Society and Modern Magical History. If you are indeed interesting in these classes fill out the attached forms and I will be more than happy to arrange the particulars with Headmaster Dumbledore. _

_Headmistress Olympe Maxime _

Hermione read the letter twice and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. The courses being offered were the very ones that she had so desperately wanted. While a part of her was disappointed that she was not chosen, she consoled herself with the fact that she had set some records. Almost immediately she pulled out the attached forms and made a copy before filling them out. After all with quills it was better to have a fresh form in case of mistakes.

* * *

><p>"Ah, finally awake dear brother?" The first twin called out as Ron descended the stairs and entered the kitchen.<p>

"Lay off him, George. He has had a rough night from what I gather." The other piped in before taking a bite of toast.

"Hey, I'm Fred you're George. And yes, I know. Despite the silencing charms we did hear that thump last night."

"Stop confusing everyone Forge! We all know I am Gred."

"Are you alright, dear?" Molly Weasley asked as she came around the table and placed what could only be called a double English breakfast in front of Ron.

"Fine now. Found out that Millie has a very effective way of dealing with snoring." Ron muttered before taking a large gulp of orange juice.

"Really? How'd she do it?" Ginny perked up. "Sorry, but I sleep in the next room over and there were nights I wanted to smother you."

"Broke his nose than _Episkey_ed it back a little off. His septum was terribly deviated, but that solved it." Millie responded as she came behind Ron and actually hugged him, kissing his cheek. "That's for not hitting me back."

"You cursed my son?" Molly raised an eyebrow as she reached for her wand. She knew a bonebreaker to the nose could easily be lethal.

"No, I punched him. In my defense, I was half asleep." Millie shrugged. "I made it up to him afterwards, it's all good."

"So our little brother is now a man?" Gred asked looking over to Ron and getting ready to tease him.

"We have never been so proud!" Forge continued theatrically.

"Ronald Billius Weasley, I assumed you knew I was joking last night." Molly started her rant. "I raised you better than that. You can't just sleep with a woman on the first date, even if she is your Betrothed!"

"Oh no, Ron was a perfect gentleman last night. It took an hour of persuasion just to get him to strip down to his boxers and let me sleep in my knickers." Millie beamed at her fiancé as she took the seat beside him. "My making it up to him was just insisting he spank me."

"Oh…well then…I am glad the two of you worked that out." Molly flushed in embarrassment. "I am not sure how things worked in the Bulstrode family, Millie, but in the Weasley family husbands do not spank wives as punishment."

"Who said it was a punishment?" Millie asked in a sweet tone that caused the Ginny and the Twins to spit out the tea they had been drinking.

* * *

><p>"I can't bloody believe you spent that much money? Do you realize how many Galleons three hundred thousand tons of copper is?" Sirius had been ranting since the moment he had been <em>enervated<em>. Of course he had followed Harry and Nym down to the new firing range and had watched the basic safety video that had been included with purchase. Still he had been ranting. "What could you have possibly bought?"

"Well, training simulators, a few giant robots, power armor, a few hundred suits of customized armor, a few hundred infantry weapons, grenades, missiles, a few tons of K-Hex, a workshop, a few starfighters, and a transport shuttle." Harry rattled off the basics of the order. As he spoke he was loading a few magazines for his replica Berreta 92F. For some reason he liked the lines of that particular gun. He noted that Nym had the same taste he did while Sirius seemed to like the Browning Hi-Power. "I've decided that when the Second Wizarding War starts I am ending it for good."

"But you could end it before it begins. You can take Voldemort out in the cemetery." Sirius was confused. His godson had explained just how destructive the War had been. How it seemed to crush everything Good in the world. "There doesn't need to be a war at all."

"I could end the threat of Voldemort in the Cemetery, but then how long before a new Dark lord rises? Twenty years tops. From the defeat of Grindlewand to the rise of Voldemort is one of the longest periods without a Dark Lord. That lull was so long because Dumbledore had trounced Grindlewand in that very public duel and it was very showy." Harry retorted as he popped the magazine in the gun and racked the slide. "It took twenty one years for a new Leader of the Dark to rise, but he had immediate followers. Why? Because once Gellert was taken care of, the people just let his followers go. Sure, they tracked down the worst of the worst, but left most of them alone. Same thing happened when Voldemort was defeated. I would bet all the gold in my vaults that it has happened with almost every single last Dark Lord. The side of the Light is ravaged and the Dark is merely given a slap of the wrist."

"You plan on reversing that. You're going to take out the support as well the Dark Lord." Nym blurted out as she realized just what Harry was planning. "Harry, you're talking hundreds of people…"

"Thousands. The Battle of Hogwarts there were thousands of Death Eaters and that is not including Giants, Trolls, Werewolves, Acromantula and Vampires." Harry replied softly as he remembered the battle that came moments before the death that sent him back. "We had a dozen teachers, a score of Centaurs, Hagrid's brother, a few veela, a few friendly werewolves, a few House Elves, and a few hundred students who could fight. Hogwarts herself helped, but most of the fighting was done by students. Voldemort offered mercy if I sacrificed myself, by then his followers had already killed many of the adults including yourself and a quarter of the children. So don't try to convince me that giving those children weapons and a fighting chance is the wrong thing to do."

"Right." Despite her powers Nym had gone deathly pale. She had figured a future where Harry died she might have as well, but being told bluntly like that was another matter.

"Bugger." Any argument Sirius had against the purchase and formation of an Army died on his lips. He'd only wanted to save Harry from the horrors of war, but it was too late. Harry was far more intimate with them than he was. "We'll play it your way. So, do these shoot just like the originals? Lily loved the shooting range and taught most of us how to shoot. I'm pants with rifles, but this Browning is just like the one I learned on."

"Well, there is a list of differences. First, there is no droppage to account for. Second, they are not nearly as loud. And third…well I'll demonstrate. Dobby, I need a granite target, please." Harry called out to Dobby who had volunteered to be the range elf. A moment later a stone replica of Lucius Malfoy complete with cane appeared down range. Harry would have chuckled, but he remembered how dangerous the man could be. Sighting his weapon he squeezed the trigger and the pistol bucked and a WHUMP of the plasma discharge sped down the range. The bright yellow bolt struck center mass and blew a volley ball sized hole through the granite statue. The inside edges of the hole were molten red. "As you can see, these are extremely powerful."

"Oh, where have you been all my life." Nym crooned to her Berreta after seeing the demonstration. "What do I have to do so I can take one of these on my next raid?"

* * *

><p>Minerva McGonagall had been slightly suspicious when she got the invitation to Tea with the Headmaster. Well the invitation itself was not suspicious. The promise of Haggis however was. She knew the Headmaster was not fond of the dish and it was one of her guilty pleasures. She knew Dumbledore well enough to know the Old Man like to soften bad news with treats. Once he figured out she detested lemon drops, he had moved on to actual weakness.<p>

"Ah, Minerva it's such a rare occurrence we get to speak without it being about school business anymore." Albus smiled wide as he saw her enter his office. "You are just in time. Mitsy informed me the Haggis is ready to serve."

"That is true. Perhaps we do not sit and talk as friends often enough." Minerva took the proferred seat and offered a small smile. "Of course, such a sentiment is not fooling me, Albus. You only order my favorite from the kitchen when you have disturbing news."

"Alas that has been true in the past, and will be likely be true in the future as well, but this time the news is more interesting than disturbing." The twinkle in Dumbledores eye gave away that the information he had was important. He only ever seemed to have it when things of great significance were on his mind. "It seems that Mr. Potter has managed to breach his Muggle Asylum and will be joining the Wizarding World fully."

"Albus, this not something to joke about. I was not pleased when you placed that boy with those…people. I was even less pleased with the Wizengamot placed him under the Asylum Fidelis. I was only slightly mollified when you assured me the Blood Wards would hold." Minerva fumed at her mentor. "Making light of an impossible is in poor taste."

"I assure you Minerva this is no joke. The Asylum Fidelis and the Blood Wards are both broken and in the most peculiar way." Albus replied raising a hand to gain a bit of reprieve from the tirade he would had deserved had this been a jest. "Harry has visited the College of Arms and claimed his Lordships, five of them in point of fact. Not to mention his four Heirships, one by conquest and three by Blood Adoption."

"Oh Good Lord, he's Heir McGonagall isn't he?" Minerva paled as she sat back. She had Blood Adopted Lily Potter in order to allow her very favorite student to read from the McGonagall Library. It had been a temporary measure, meant to be repealed by being cast out of the family without prejudice, but her father the last Lord McGonagall had died. She held the title as Regent until the day a male heir was of Age and claimed it.

"As well as Heir Dumbledore, Black and Malfoy." Albus chuckled softly. "His lordships were surprising as well. We both knew he would be Lord Potter and Lord Peverell, but it seems he is also Lord Andersson, Lord Gryffindor and Lord Slytherin."

"Merlin, Morganna and Maeve…he owns half of Hogwarts!"

"The castle certainly, but not the school." Dumbledore chuckled as he played mother with the tea. "Although, he does possess half of the seats on the Board of Governors. As the Black Heir he can eject Parkinson who has taken seat from Malfoy. The Gryffindore and Slytherin seats have been empty for centuries. But that is not the reason I have called you to tea. I wish to discuss if you know of any McGonagall marriage contracts that Harry may be forced to fill. I have gone over the Dumbledore records, but found none."

"McGonagall contracts? No, my family only ever had one Contract and it was nullified in 1865. With human slavery illegal in the magical world, Harry need never worry about that Contract." Minerva took a long sip of her tea, thankful that the Headmaster at least had excellent taste when it came to beverages. "Please tell me that he is not under contracts for his other titles."

"I wish that I could, Minerva. As Lord Black he is married to young Nymphadora. As Lord Gryffindor he will be married to the Heir of Hufflepuff. As Lord Peverell it will be the Disciple of Thanatos, provided she steps forward as such." Dumbledore sighed. "Which means Harry will need Married Lord's quarters. He will also be exempted from many of the Public Display of Affection rules we have here. As long as no one underage witnesses him, I am afraid he can't be punished for it."

"Seriously Albus? That was not a funny joke."

"From your perspective perhaps not, but could you imagine when I tell Severus?" the twinkle was back in Albus' eye as he imagined the Potion Master's tirade. He may need the man as a spy, but sometimes it was just fun to jerk the chain a little.

"On second thought, it could be rather amusing."


	7. Alliances and Revelations

_Albus Dumbledore: Ah there you are my boy, I have been looking everywhere for you. Did you know that two dimensions over you are a survivor of World War III?_

_Scott the Wanderer: Actually, no I didn't. I mean there is that game of Twilight 2013 that the GM wanted us to play ourselves…_

_Dumbledore: Ah, that explains so very much._

_Scott: Perhaps. Though I have to ask, why are you looking for me?_

_Dumbledore: Why to make a request, my boy. I know it is presumptuous of me, but it's for the Greater Good._

_Scott: ~rolling his eyes~ What's the request?_

_Dumbledore: Don't let Harry become Leader of the Light. If I had realized what the Title would do to me, I would have gladly left it alone._

_Scott: ~eyes wide~ So you know?_

_Dumbledore: ~eye twinkling~ I am the cleverest Wizard of my generation. I figured it out during my duel with Gellert._

_Scott: Oh, and here I thought that most of the Light would be clueless._

_Dumbledore: Oh, most of them are, I would be as well if not for that duel and it's conclusion. Alas, I am needed back at Hogwarts, but first your indemnity…Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter or Palladium Books…however he does own a very wonderful recipe for making Key Lime Cheesecake. _

_Scott: Thanks, and just for that, the Hogwarts Elves and Dobby can now make that very recipe._

_Dumbledore: You are most kind._

* * *

><p>Chi Vayne: Yeah, I have the take that Metamorphmagi have a default form, but not a "true" form. The default form is how they view themselves and can even change over time.<p>

Penny is wise: Thank you very much

Guest: Sorry, I would limit it to three girls, but that is not in the cards. I am working on a story where Harry will have just one girl, but it is still in the beginning stages.

Shadowsmage: Always glad to see good reviews

mizzrazz72: The answer is in this chapter, at least partially

lordamnesia: Thank you, wait till we have the first battle, then it will be really fun

BBWulf: Always believed every story should have some laughs, even an angst story should have them somewhere

bittatatat: Harry will feel like some of his wives came out of a hat, but not nearly all. He'll be gaining more control of the situation as time passes, though as always happens some things will come at him from left field.

geetac: thanks, always nice to be appreciated

discb: Yeah, I had to

mwinter1: And deliver, if a bit short, but it covers what I needed it to.

* * *

><p>"Harry, are you sure it is a wise idea to give the Elves those knives?" Sirius was a little concerned, mostly because said knives when activated could cut through steel like <em>fiendfyre<em> through butter. While he was sure Kreacher and Dobby were no danger to them, they seemed to get an unholy gleam in their eyes when given weapons.

"Actually, in Dobby's case I would only worry about people that tried to hurt me or those I love." Harry replied as he slipped a serrated vibroknife in a back sheath. He had always wanted to use the Crocodile Dundee line and it needed the proper setup. "In Kreacher's case…well I would fear for anyone that insults the Black family."

"Kreacher!" Sirius' eyes had nearly bugged out of his head at that implication. As soon as the wizened elf appeared, wearing two vibroknives strapped to his back in an X fashion, Sirius knew that Harry was not exaggerating. "Kreacher, do not use those knives on anyone unless they are an immediate threat to yourself, the Black Family or an innocent."

"Kreacher hears and Kreacher obeys Master Sirius." Kreacher grumbled obviously a little upset that some of his plans were foiled. "May Kreacher use pranks against those who insult House Black?"

"Only after you consult with me to see if the prank is safe." Sirius had his eyes opened to just how dangerous a House Elf with free reign could be. "Now, be a good elf and bring this Manor back to it's full glory. Before my mother redecorated it."

Kreacher smiled before popping away. He loved his Mistress, but she had very little good taste in decorations.

"Well, I wonder what is taking Nym so long." Harry looked down at his wristcomp, another free gift with his rather large purchase. "I want to be at Hoqwarts in time for lunch. Dumbledore will have his guard mostly down."

"Harry, I have learned over the years that a woman will take as long as she wants to get ready for anything. The longer she takes, the more important the event or man is to her." Sirius replied with a slight grin. He could tell most mornings his cousin would just throw on clothes, so this morning taking nearly an hour meant something. Since they were just going to arrange the harvesting of a basilisk, this meant Nym was dressing to impress Harry. "Lily took six hours to prepare for her second date with James."

"Six hours?" Harry arched an eyebrow. He remembered the future Yule Ball and how dolled up Hermione managed to get in just three, so six was something that boggled his mind. "You know what? I am not going to ask. I have just decided women should remain a mystery, after all I can't help but love a mystery."

"I knew you could be trained properly." The teasing voice of Nym was the all the announcement the woman needed. As the two men turned their attention to the staircase they were greeted the sight of a goddess. Nym had never gone for the classic Wizarding fashion and when she was given her new Steelcloth robes she had a wicked idea. She put Dobby and Kreacher to work making a skintight catsuit out of the durable fabric. Paired with her new combat boots, a weapons belt that carried her new NE Beretta and a vibroknife, she was definitely dressed to kill. Of course she knew that it wasn't enough, so she donned her distinctive Auror-Red trench coat to full accent the look. "So, do I look the part of Lord Potter's bodyguard-slash-wife?"

"Well, I only know if you weren't my cousin and godson's wife, I would make some line about how you could handcuff me and punish me all night long." Sirius was the first one to recover. "However, I think you broke Harry."

* * *

><p>In his home at Spinner's End, Severus Snape took a long pull off his bottle of Ogden's Finest. He always did after his visits to the Dursley's. He hated dealing with those muggles and would have rather slit their throats. That however would have tipped his hand to the Headmaster. Not to mention a magical autopsy would reveal all the potions he had given them. Shuddering at the thought of how Madam Bones would question him, he took another pull of the Fire Whiskey.<p>

"It is a shame we can no longer dose the Boy, Severus." The voice of Voldemort hissed out from a dark clouded crystal ball set on the side table next to Severus' chair. "Keeping him weak and stupid is a much better plan than killing him."

"It is indeed a minor setback, my Lord. However with the amounts of potions already in his system, it will take years for him to purge them." Severus replied as he contemplated just how he could continue to dose the boy. It wasn't killing him and as long as Harry was dosed, Voldemort would not demand his head. "I am certain that the dosing can be continued before too long."

"See that is does, Severus. I would hate to lose a fine servant for failing in his Lifedebt, but the Boy cannot be allowed to remain a threat." Voldemort hissed again from the orb before the clouds dissipated indicating he was no longer in contact.

"Of course, my Lord." Severus replied automatically and shuddered. He was beginning to dread each and every vow he had ever made. In the end, they would be his undoing.

* * *

><p>"It was not that funny." Harry snapped at the chuckling duo walking with him. Sure he had been open mouth staring at Nym and imagining many, many fun things, but that did not mean she or his godfather needed to tease him about it. "Besides, I am not the one who drooled around a certain Veela for a full day."<p>

"Oi, Veela, it explains the drooling." Sirius shot back. "Most men can't help it unless they have incredible will or are poufters."

"Doesn't explain why Nym was drooling worse than you or Remus." Harry responded making his wife shoot him a glare.

"You are not allowed to tease me about things I haven't done yet." Nym countered. "Or I will bring up all the times I changed your nappies."

"Alright, alright. I declare a truce." Harry raised both hands in surrender. Soiled nappies trumped drooling over Veela any day. Grabbing some Floo powder he quickly tossed in the flames. "Three Broomsticks." And with a hop he was gone. Of course on the other end he mistimed his step out and tumbled into the taproom floor. "I swear Floos hate me!"

Harry had just stood up and was brushing off his robes when he had the nagging feeling he was forgetting something very important. It wasn't until he saw the flames turn emerald green that he realized just what that could be. He didn't have time to evade or even mutter accurse before he was slammed to the ground again. As Nym was straddling his face, Harry remembered that there was one person in the world Floos hated more than him.

"Well, if this isn't a better landing than I am used to." Nym chuckled as she glanced down at her husband. "It gives me ideas for later."

"I just cannot take either of you anywhere, can I?" Sirius sighed playfully as he exited the Floo. Finally mastering the Metamorphosis Human invocation, he'd made himself the spitting image of Bruce Campbell with goatee and moustache. "Come one, up you get. We have a Headmaster to see."

"A Groundskeeper as well." Harry had wisely kept any smart comments to himself, especially about how he would have gladly shown Nym what Parseltongue was good for. After his wife had regained her feet, Harry brought himself to his a muttered a quick scourgify. "I would have thought the Three Broomsticks would be open."

"Hogsmeade is seasonal, more than three quarters of the Village takes vacations during the summer." Nym was the one who spoke. "The Hogshead is open, but Madam Rosemerta leaves her Floo connected so people can use the larger hearth."

"Always wondered why there were more shops than homes." Harry mused as they exited the Three Broomsticks and started up the trail to Hogwarts.

* * *

><p>"Next!"Harald Clark was internally cursing whatever idiot had leaked the story of Lord Potter to the Media. The frenzy over every witch from fourteen to seventy having their Blood Patents creates was exhausting him. What had been literally the cushiest job in the Ministry was now a nightmare. To make matters worse it was not like he could refuse anyone. By law if someone wanted a Blood Patent done, it had to be done. So, Harald was busily enchanting scrolls of vellum in between each applicant. "Name?"<p>

"Lavendar Lucille Brown." Lavendar restrained herself from snapping at the man for his lack of manners. She supposed if she had to work as hard as he was, she would be snappish as well.

"Another hopeful Hufflepuff Heir." Harald muttered. He'd seen far too many Witches look at their Blood Patent with thinly veiled disappointment. Pulling out the fresh Vellum he handed it to the young woman. "Prick the center of your palm and place it over the seal."

"Actually, I am just here for my Patents, Father insists I have them so he can prepare a proper Betrothal for me." Lavendar sighed heavily. She knew exactly why the other Witches were here, and she would happily admit she will be quite jealous of the Hufflepuff heir. "I should have come a week ago, but I had the flu."

"Well, thank goodness at least one person is actually being constructive today." Harald pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the headache forming. By the time he had lessened the pain he saw the young woman was done. "Gemino." With a flick of the wand he made a copy for her and filed away the Blood Patent. "I hope you have a pleasant day, Ms Brown."

"Yes…thank you, Mr. Clark." Lavendar said after a moment before she left the office still staring at her Blood Patent.

* * *

><p>"Harry my boy, it's good to see you are safe." Albus Dumbledore greeted the Five-Fold Lord at the very gates of Hogwarts with a wide smile on his face and twinkle in his eyes. Of course it was rather hard to look at the man at the moment. It seemed as if he had discovered the hues of dayglow orange, neon yellow and hot pink. With a slight chuckle he continued "Pardon my familiar address Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, I forgot my manners in light of your surprise visit."<p>

"While Hogwarts is not in session, please call me Harry, Headmaster. I'll save the full title for those who upset me." Harry chuckled. "May I introduce my wife Nym Potter-Black, future Lady Black and our travelling companion…"

"Sirius Black." Albus Dumbledore replied evenly as he stared at the individual in question. Seeing the three subtly move for the wand he held up a placating hand. "Since your disappearance from Privet Drive, I have done a little investigating." Pausing for a moment as he contemplated a past failure, he continued. "I am ashamed to admit that I, among many others, had forgotten that Sirius was your Oathbound Godfather. He could not willingly betray you and retain any magical ability. If I had remembered, I would have been able to grant a retrial."

"Never had a trial in the first place." Sirius grumbled. He knew Dumbledore was not to blame, but the doubts people had of him still hurt. "I was just chucked into Azkaban by Crouch and Baginold."

"Hmm, this present an opening I can use with Cornelius, provided someone can convince Madam Bones to file for a trial at this late date." Albus mused, the twinkle in his eye sharper than ever. "Well, it is almost lunch and while I would like to think that my students enjoy visiting their Headmaster, I must assume you have business you wish to discuss. And please everyone, call me Albus. I enjoy my vacation too much to be called Headmaster during it."

"Of course, Albus." Harry barely kept himself from using the title. "We have a few things to discuss. First, I wish to claim the Basilisk carcass in the Chamber. I would also like to claim the Sword of Gryffindor, as it is mine by right. Then we can discuss why I am Heir Dumbledore."

"Ah yes, I had thought you would at some point see the value in the Basilisk and I would much prefer that you lay claim than let the Ministry have it." Albus nodded as he started leading the group inside. "The Sword is of course yours. I had thought you would claim it before taking the Express home. While I trust you to not play with it, the same cannot be said for most of your dorm mates."

"Makes sense, I remember ickle Ron, always playing Knights and Trolls with the twins." Nym added in, before she brought up her concern. "I also have a question for you…Albus. Is there any marriage contracts from House Dumbledore?"

"No, Nym, there was not." Albus smiled at the slightly shocked look Nym sported when he used her new preferred moniker. "Nor for House McGonagall. Does that alleviate some worries?"

"For Nym maybe, for me it means I have to wonder if my wife is going to try to pick up women." Harry muttered getting a laugh from both Sirius and Albus. "I'm not kidding! She's already demanded a hot blonde."

"That is what makes it so funny, Harry." Sirius laughed even louder.

"Get it right, Harry. It was a kinky hot blonde who can take charge." Nym responded after a dainty sniff.

* * *

><p>Ronald Weasley was at this moment wishing he'd never egged Harry on to accepting the duel. Not because he wasn't happy with Millie. Or that he was upset about becoming Lord Crabbe. Hell, it even wasn't that he would end up having to change his last name when he took his Lordship. No, it was the fact that he had to meet the current Lord Crabbe. If it was Vincent Crabbe Senior, it would have been awful enough as the man was a dullard likes his son. No, it was Jonathon Crabbe, lately living in Alaska to be near the most profitable of his fishing fleets. This meant a series of Portkeys and more than a few runs through Magical Customs. The entire trip had taken three hours, despite the instantaneous method of travel.<p>

The Crab-pot, where Jonathon Crabbe had moved the main branch of the family, was a sprawling ranch house in the middle of an unplotable island. Unlike the ostentatious Malfoy Manor or the historic Ossuary, the Crab-pot seemed friendly and inviting, almost like the Burrow. This made Ronald a bit more nervous, as he feared falling into old habits.

"What if he doesn't like me? I could end up bait in a crab trap." Ronald whispered to his fiancé as they approached the gates.

"Relax, I hear Lord Crabbe detests his brother and nephew as complete lack-wits. You are a definite improvement on them, Ron." Millie straightened out her robes after adjusting Ron's. "Just remember your manners."

"I'll try, Millie. Just don't be afraid to kick me under the table if I screw up." Ron was half joking, trying to ease his own tension.

"Listen here, Ronald, you will not screw up. And I'll give you a reason why. If you perform to expectations today, then tonight we will be sleeping naked. Understand?" Millie arched an eyebrow as she saw her betrothed blush in what she thought was the most adorable shade of red. "Screw up, and well, I might just start making you wear wool to bed."

* * *

><p>"Hmm, let me see if I have correctly understood all your ideas." Albus Dumbledore stroked his beard as she sat back. Lunch had been spectacular as usual and the conversation interesting. He knew Harry was holding back many things, but he would not press. Especially, since he could not detect a single thing through passive leglimancy. Even well occluded minds usually had a few stray thoughts that could be gleaned. He managed a few from Sirius and from Nym, but most of those were things harry had outright told him. "You wish to train your fellow students as an army to counter the Death Eaters. Said force will not simply use Stunners against people wishing to kill them. You will be using the Chamber of Secrets to train this army as well as house some materials you believe are important. Am I correct?"<p>

"Essentially, I understand that you want to redeem as many Dark Wizards as possible, and honestly I would as well." Harry replied. "However, I cannot ask people to lay down their lives in order to do that. The Death Eaters have proven they will torture, rape and kill with little regard. They tossed around the Killing Curse like it was confetti. Now, I know that in the war again Grindlewand you led the original Order of the Phoenix and you were not shy about using deadly curses on his Storm Wizards. What changed?"

"In short, Harry, I became the Light Lord in order to gain the power needed to defeat Gellert. Unlike what many would think, I was no match for him at that time. I won the few duels I fought with him through arrogance on his part and phenomenal luck upon my own." Dumbledore sighed. "I had not realized the becoming the Light Lord had it's own price. Just as becoming the Dark Lord influences the Wizard to cruelty, becoming the Leader of the Light promotes forgiveness. Oh, I wanted to kill Gellert in our final duel. He had cost me my sister and so much more. However as I stood over him, I could not strike the killing blow. It was no longer who I was. Killing, even people I know have earned the fires of Hell, is just not something I can do, or allow those who follow my banner to. "

"That explains a lot." Sirius muttered. "I wondered why the Order used stunners, bodybinds and the nonlethal stuff. I know some rather nasty curses, but it never occurred to me to use them."

"And this is why, Harry, I cannot allow you to join the Light. No, do not get me wrong, I will gladly fight by your side, but I cannot fight under you or take command." Dumbledore stalled Harry's response for a moment. "I believe your solution is the best one, strike fear into the Dark. Make them feel the terror they have inflicted on others. However, I cannot directly aid you in that."

"Can't you step down as the Light Lord?" Nym's brow furrowed as asked what she proposed what she thought was an obvious solution.

"Oh, I could and then I would quickly wither and die. Oh, not immediately, but too soon to be of any real aid." Dumbledore sighed as he had thought this same thing long ago. "Even if that were not the case, Nym, my power would wane until I was only half what it is now. More than a match for the common Witch or Wizard, but easy prey for the likes of Bellatrix or Voldemort."

"Bugger." Sirus and Nym muttered at the same moment.

"That makes things a little more difficult. I wanted to recruit some of the Order of the Phoenix. My classmates are going to need training in magical combat to supplement what I will be teaching them." Harry leaned back in his chair. He'd hoped to recruit the real Mad-Eye Moody and work multiple parts of his grand plan. After all, he needed Crouch Jr. to perform his part in fourth year so that thing could unfold correctly. "If they are still bound to your orders that will not work the way I need it to."

"I will gladly release them from the Oaths they made to the Order." Dumbledore replied. "Just do not be too cross with me when I attempt to play your conscience."

"Well, now that I know where it is coming from, I might find it more palatable." Harry grinned. "Just fair warning, I am not giving any Inner Circle Death Eater any quarter if they fling curses at me or mine."

"While I would pray that you would reconsider, I will not remonstrate you for that." Albus gave his best grandfatherly look, but the twinkle in this eye spoiled any chance that it he was actually disappointed.

* * *

><p>Parvati Patil was really beginning to worry about Lavendar. Her best friend had not spoken since she returned from the College of Arms. She had simply walked to her bed, sat down and stared at her blood patent for the last thirty minutes. Several times, Parvati had tried catching her attention with some small talk. Once she even tried smacking her in the head with a pillow. None of it worked. "Pad? Lav is still out of it."<p>

"Well, you could try taking the Blood Patent and see what has her so flummoxed." Padma didn't even look up from her text. She had was still cramming for her physics final. Given that she had to do it two months what most did in ten, it was understandable her fixation.

"I guess." Parvati gingerly gripped the Paten and gently pulled. As she had expected lavender resisted at first, but then let the parchment go. Once she had it free from her best friend's grip she turned it over to read. "SHIVA, VISHNU AND BRAHMA!"

Padma looked up from her textbook as she heard her twin's exclamation. Parvati was not very religious, but she did not take any of the god's names in vain. Not even when she had found out Harry Potter would be in the same year as them. Seeing the stunned look on Parvati's face she took the Blood Patent and read it herself. "Oh, Bloody Hell!"

"I know." Lavender replied almost tonelessly. She was still obviously in shock from the revelation.


	8. Of Letters from Friends

_Hermione: I cannot believe you have devoted more time to Ronald than me!_

_Scott: You'll get more time later, Hermione. Or didn't you notice you will be taking two classes that Harry will definitely need to know about and Hogwarts does not offer?_

_Hermione: Well, of course I noticed, thank you very much. And while we're speaking of Harry, nine wives? Are you insane?_

_Scott: Why, is nine not enough? Perhaps he needs some consorts as well? ~chuckling at the glare he is getting~ Relax you will not be one of them, you'll have your own romance._

_Hermione: ~taking a moment to compose herself~ It had better not be Malfoy or Snape…what is wrong with some writers?_

_Scott: No, I was thinking this. ~hands Hermione the notepad~_

_Hermione: ~blushing very red~ Well, then at least you are thinking. I never understood why Miss Rowling paired me with Ron. I'd have killed him before the honeymoon ended._

_Scott: Thanks, and I never understood it either. But that was her universe to play with as she saw fit._

_Hermione: Yes, well, do not muck this universe up. Oh, Scott the Wander does not own or possess the rights to Harry Potter or Palladium book. Not a single cent has been made from this story. _

_Scott: Thanks, and just for that look at the notes for Time Turners and studying._

_Hermione: ~paging through the notes~ Hmmm, this makes a lot more sense than what I was doing. _

_Scott: Good, now go have fun until I need you._

* * *

><p>penny is wise: Thank you, it's nice to have someone consistently like this WIP<p>

serialkellar: Thank you, and he certainly is, of course other characters will not be going without. Well some will, but their evil

davycrockett1000: Thank you

gemava: Well, I am not going to definitively answer that until fourth year, but given the normal applicants it is likely

MKTerra: And here is more, it takes time to write or it would be quicker.

alucard964: Oh how I wish someone would, I'd even name an OC after them, their choice of type

discb: to quote a commercial "Why not both?", seriously though at this point it's the family tree.

* * *

><p>"Merciful Merlin, who the bloody hell could be writing me?" Harry blurted out as he stared at the piles of envelopes stacked all around the study. Despite all the harmful mail being sorted out, the Study was full in less than a week.<p>

There was a small amount of luck in that Dobby had dutifully sorted the mail into categories: Friends, Marriage Contracts, Business Proposals, Birthday wishes, Family Business and Fan Mail. He relegated Fan Mail to Dobby, allowing the industrious elf to respond to questions and enclose signed photos for the fans the Elf felt deserved them.

The rest however had to be handled by him. He started with the business proposals, chucking the ones that were blatant rip-offs, any sent by Death Eaters, and all questionable investments. What was left was some proposals that looked promising, including becoming the spokesman for the Firebolt racing broom. He agreed on the last one, and then set the others aside for discussion with Sirius. Family Business had been a rather large pile, but it was quickly reduced by responding with confirmation of Alliances as well as polite refusals to spend Christmas with many families. Marriage Contracts he had read a few just to see if they were worthwhile, but found none. He drafted a rather polite form letter and sent his polite declinations to every single last one. Birthday wishes had been a real eye opener and Harry began to think he should have had Sirius sort through these. The Old Dog would have enjoyed the hundreds of pictures of naked witches and enclosed panties. Harry had Dobby set up a sort of trophy room at the Kiln for the best pictures and raciest panties, after all he needed an ego stroke once in a while. Finally he came to what he viewed as the best of the lot, the letters from friends.

_Dear Harry_

_I heard you finally ditched the Muggles…yes, I know you hate that term for mundane folk, but the Dursleys are Muggles by every bad definition of the term…Good on you, Mate. I pray the only reason you go back is that you decide to take your pound of flesh. They have no idea how lucky they are that neither Fred, George nor I were willing to get expelled for hexing them last year._

_I also heard you are a Five-Fold-Lord and heir to four more. It's insane and brilliant at the same time. But you might have missed that I am now Heir Crabbe for the same reason you are Heir Malfoy! I really had no clue until Millie (Millicent Bulstrode) came over and told me we were betrothed because of that duel Malfoy skived out on. I tell you what I was so worried that Lord Crabbe might just eliminate me so Vincent can be heir again. Turns out Jonathan (Lord Crabbe) was actually more interested in Blood Adopting me, so that nobody can challenge my claim. I'm still a Weasley, but in formal settings I am Heir Crabbe. The bad part is I was given another middle name. Enough about that._

_I'm dating Millie now. Yes, I know she is a Slytherin. She's been pointing out to me that not all Slytherins are slimy snake. I forgot all about Merlin being a Slytherin, as well as my Grandmum. I made a snap judgment based on the fact that Malfoys are pretty much all Slytherins. Well, at least until recently. HA-HA. Still, Millie is an amazing girl, she likes chess, the Chudley Cannons and she loves to cook for me. It's been an all-out war in the Kitchen between her and my mum on who gets to cook for me. Mate, if I ever look like I might bollix this up, thump me hard. _

_I changed my electives at Hogwarts. Seems the Crabbe family are Crab Fishermen and they use Arithmancy a lot. It means I am dropping Divination. Originally, I took Divination and COMC in order to avoid buying the five new books we need for Arithmancy class. With Lord Crabbe footing the bill, I won't feel like I am taking any food off the table. So please if you haven't dropped it already, drop Divination. If Percy is to be believed, it's a useless class unless you have the talent…or like having your death predicted every day._

_Well, see you soon I hope_

_Your Best Mate_

_Ronald Bilius Lavelle Weasley-Crabbe, Heir of the Ancient and Noble House of Crabbe._

_PS: Millie demanded I write my new full name, or else there would be wool boxers in my future._

Harry chuckled as he finished the letter. It seemed as if Ron had done some growing up and Harry wondered if Millicent had a lot to do with that. The Postscript had implied it, but that could also be a joke. Taking pen in hand he began a response.

_Dear Ron_

_Yes, I did escape from the Muggles, and I agree the term should apply to the Dursleys. I'm currently staying with my godfather in the place I cannot tell you about. Dobby is here and happily looking after me. _

_Congratulations on becoming Heir Crabbe and your betrothal to Millie. Despite what you might think, a few people noticed how you seemed to pine a little for her. Now she is yours, so treat her right. _

_I am indeed a Five-Fold-Lord, Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, so your recent turn-around about Slytherin is appreciated. I see to also be Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall…are you sure I can't hand you another title? Thought not. Well, I have three contracts and my first wife is twenty three years old and she goes by Nym. As for the other two, well one is to Heiress Hufflepuff and the other is a real mystery. I mean just who could the Disciple of Thanatos be? It's a real mess._

_I changed my electives to Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and COMC. I need to get serious about my education, and I am glad you are too. _

_I have something else coming up that I will tell you about when we get to Hogwarts, something I know I will need your help with._

_Your friend_

_Harry Scott James Potter, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin and Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall._

Sealing the envelope with the Potter crest, Harry set it aside, not wanting to send Hedwig out more than once. After all, he still had letters from Hermione, Ginny, the Patil twins, and Susan. Grabbing Hermione's letter he smiled as he saw she sealed it with a black cat sticker.

_Dear Harry_

_I would ask how your Aunt and Uncle are treating you, but from my copy of the Daily Prophet, I can see you are no longer there. Know this: I am very upset that you did not write me when you ran away. I'll assume you would have thought I would try to dissuade you, so you get a small break. In reality, I would have brow beat my parents into picking you up. You're my Best Friend (yes, the capital letters are intentional). In fact you're my brother in all but blood. If you ever need me, you only need to ask, that is if I am not already there._

_So, five lordships? That is a first in Wizarding World history as far as I can tell. The fact that eventually you will have nine titles is nothing short of mindboggling. Of course I have taken the liberty of reading what I could of the subject. I just have this to say: You better treat every wife you have with the utmost of respect and care. If you do that, then we will be fine. And no, I will not be Lady anything. I love you, but not that way. _

_Now, onto the news about me. I was almost transferred to Beauxbatons. Honestly, I can understand my parents' concern, but I would have preferred they consult me before making arrangements. Luckily for you and Ron, I will be at Hogwarts come September 1__st__. _

_I made a new friend while competing for the open placement at Beauxbaton. Gabrielle was consistently nice to me and we talked for hours while our performances were being judged. She, alongside her elder sister Fleur Delacour are rather big fans of yours. I don't mean the Boy-Who-Lived, I mean of the stories I told them. I was hoping that perhaps you could send me something to forward onto them. I had not promised them anything as I know you hate that. But please send me something to give them, I'm begging._

_Forever Your Friend and Older Sister_

_Hermione Granger_

Harry had to smile as he read the letter. Leave it to Hermione to accurately guess all of his responses as well admonish him for not asking for help. The part regarding the Delacours was interesting. He remembered Fleur admitting she was an admirer of his from his actions in the Second and Third Tasks. Now that she knew of the real him earlier, perhaps she would be friendlier. Of course his mind then went to what he knew Tonk's reaction to Fleur would be. Filing the images that spawned away in the Patronus Worthy file, Harry started a letter back to Hermione.

_Dearest Sister Hermione_

_Well, of all the honors I have been bestowed, I think being named your Brother is definitely among the highest. In fact I may have to just see what needs to be done to adopt you as my Big Sister. Since I am essentially Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall's grandson through Blood Adoption I can't imagine it being impossible. _

_As my issue with multiple wives, well I have met the first already. The future Lady Black is Rookie Auror Nym Potter-Black nee Tonks. I will reveal that she hates her first name, which is why I use the nickname even when I introduce her. I do believe you get on well with her. She's smart as a whip, fun loving and just a bit clumsy, but only when it doesn't matter. Oh, and Floos hate her more than they hate me, if you can believe that._

_I would have been sad to lose you to Beauxbatons, so I am glad it did not come to pass. I am even happier you have extended your group of friends to across the Channel. As you have noticed I have included two envelopes, one is for Gabrielle and the other for Fleur. Just signed pictures and a thank you for being a friend to my sister, so not too much. _

_As for Hogwarts, well I have dropped Divination and taken Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. Amazingly enough, Ron has dropped Divination and is going to take Arithmancy, as he has probably told you in his own letter to you. I also have a personal project I wish your help with, the details will have to wait for the Hogwarts Express._

_Your Brother_

_Harry Scott James Potter, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall_

Harry smiled as he sealed the envelope with the Gryffindor crest. True to his word he had included two envelopes for the Delacours. Gabrielle's included a few signed photos of him playing Quidditch. Fleur's included the same and one of him that Sirius snuck on him while he was being fitted for robes. He of course did not sign that one, and even added a slight sticky charm to make it stick to one of the others, so it looked like it was a mistake. Sure it was a little underhanded, but he wanted to avoid being called a 'leetle boi'.

_Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Sytherin_

_or the Bloke I will affectionately call Brother Harry_

_I realize I have never written a letter that I knew would reach you, so I thought why not have fun with this one. After all, I need a bit more fun in my life. What? You thought the twins were the only ones with a sense of humor? _

_All kidding aside I am writing for a reason. I know you cannot be so oblivious as to have missed my crush on you this last year. My God what was I thinking with that Valentine? Eyes like a pickled toad? I swear that had to be Tom messing with my good taste. Sorry, back to topic. Well, as hard as this might be to believe, my crush is well and truly gone. I still love you to pieces to be sure, but it's like what I feel for Bill or Charlie. It was your daring rescue of me that brought this up. You see I was completely aware the whole time. I couldn't move until after you destroyed that thrice damned book, but I heard and saw everything. You have the daring and fearlessness of Charlie and the instinctual grasp of how to destroy Dark magic like Bill. That and you make my most over protective brother (Ron) look absolutely laid back when it comes to my safety. Don't think I didn't notice you give the glare of death to that third year Slytherin when he tried to taunt me. It's cute, but it put you way outside of my dating sphere. And no marriages either, I have my eyes on a different Wizard and no you are not allowed to give him the shovel speech._

_Okay, my rambling is over. But basically, I want to do two things._

_I, Ginevra Molly Weasley, do hereby recognize the LifeDebt I owe one Harry Scott James Potter for his actions in saving my immortal soul from Tom Riddle. _

_There, you now have a formal acceptance of my LifeDebt._

_As for the second, please use said LifeDebt to negate any contracts my Aunt Muriel attempts to submit to you. She is the matriarch of the Prewitt Family, and she has set her eyes on making me her Heir. She will them attempt to enrich the Prewitts by marrying me to the richest family she can find. Like I said before, I love you like a brother._

_Your Sister and Servant_

_Ginevra Molly Weasley_

_PS: If you dare get anyone else to threaten Neville to stay away from me, I will hex you until you think down is up._

Harry felt a great deal of relief as he read this letter. He'd actually been afraid Ginny's crush would actually get worse. As much as he liked her as a friend, his memories of their future together made his skin crawl. Not that she was a bad kisser, or they didn't have fun, but that there was really no deeper connection. So the death of her crush was a blessing, though he was almost afraid for Neville. While Ginny had been shy around Harry at first that did not last long. He would lay even money on Neville not being virgin by end of the year. Picking up his pen he started his reply to Ginny.

_Dear Ginny_

_What can I say? I am always happy to have more family. First, Hermione claims me as a younger brother and now you as an older one. Still, I hope this trend doesn't spread among the other girls at Hogwarts. It'd be really hard to find six more wives if all the girls think I am a Brother to them. Ha-ha._

_I'll admit the Valentine creeped me out. I think you are right, it had to be Tom messing with your brain. _

_I'll promise not to give Neville any hell for dating you. Just know if he breaks your heart, I break his legs, even if he is my friend. It's a brother's prerogative._

_As for the formal part of your letter:_

_!, Harry Scott James Potter, hereby claim Ginevra Molly Weasley as a Vassal of House Potter in repayment of her LifeDebt to me. _

_There, now your Aunt can't initiate any marriage contracts without my signature as well. Since I will not sign any marriage contracts regarding you in any way go be free to marry whomever you wish!_

_All seriousness aside, I hope you have been having some fun this summer. I realize that some of it has been spent being seen by a mindhealer, but I hope at least the trip to Egypt was fun. It seems like it would be to me. Especially if I got to explore the Tombs like you did. _

_Well, back to somewhat serious matters. When we return to Hogwarts I have a personal project I will need your help with. Yes, I have already enlisted Ron and Hermione. Do me a favor and tell the Twins I will need them as well._

_Your Brother in Heart_

_Harry Scott James Potter, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall _

Sealing that envelope with the Potter crest, Harry filed it with the others. He offered a small prayer that Hedwig would not get too upset for the amount of mail he needed delivered. She never did before, but he never sent so many letters, and he wasn't done. Grabbing the letter from the Patil twins he wondered just why they might be writing.

_Greetings Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin_

_We will apologize for the very formal opening to this letter, but neither Parvati nor I believe we know you well enough to start with Dear Harry. There is also that matter of the boon we wish to ask of you. This is not done lightly on our part and we have thought long and hard on the best solutions to our problem. Even knowing what little she do, Parvati and I believe you are the only Wizard we can trust with this. _

_We have known of our dilemma for two years, but until recently there was no method we found palatable in solving the issue. Our Grandfather wishes to contract us out as Concubines to one of his business partners. If it was perhaps one of younger men, or one with only a few wives, we would not be as terrified as we are. In short, our future owner will be a grotesque man who uses his concubines as a source of revenue. He is known for supplementing his business profits by pimping out his concubines. Parvati and I agree that any method of escape is desirable. _

_The boon that we hope to invoke is to be claimed as concubines or consorts to a Lord who would treat us with dignity. We are most hopeful this Lord would be you. This decision is not based on the fact you are Boy-Who-Lived. We always found that to be a little ridiculous. Yes, you survived where none have before, but it seems wrong to glorify something that lost you your parents. While we do not know you as well as Hermione does, we know you are a kind, sweet and intelligent man. We believe that you would never abuse our status as your chattel. That we actually like you a great deal makes this decision easier. In return for the boon obviously you would receive us. _

_Our Grandfather's contract will come into effect upon Samhain. If we are not bound to you, we will likely end up leaving Hogwarts as our Master will want us to train and become better source revenue as he sells us in his brothels. Please truly consider this. We will not blame you if decline as we would be loathe to force this upon you._

_Your (hopeful) Servants_

_Padma Patil_

_Parvati Patil_

_PS: We enclosed a photo to help you make an informed decision._

Harry had noted the envelope was still a little heavy. Peering inside he noticed a shrunken envelope. In a few moment he has enlarged it to it's proper size and pulled out the Wizarding photo. Harry had never seen the Patils in anything other than their school robes, unless you counted the Yule Ball from the future. Still, he thought the twins were pretty. Seeing them nothing but some jewelry he was now of the opinion that Hogwarts robes were a travesty. Despite their nudity, the girls prevented anything private from being seen, at least until the photo noticed it was being observed. At that point the girls smiled and unabashedly waves to him. Then they did something that Harry was sure was their trump card. Harry watched as the Twins gave each other a passionate kiss.

"Oooh, kinky twins." Nym Tonks interrupted Harry's fantasy time with her comment. When she saw Harry nearly jump out of his skin she chuckled. "I see some Witches are getting creative with their birthday wishes."

"Gah!" Harry was clutching his chest trying to calm his thundering heart. "Are you trying to make yourself a widow?"

"Nope, just practicing sneaking up on you." Nym chuckled. "So who are they?"

"Padma and Parvati Patil, my year at Hogwarts. A Ravenclaw and Gryffindor respectfully." Harry replied as his heart finally seemed to calm. "This is not a birthday wish. They want to avoid being made concubines by offering themselves as concubines. Not sure I follow the logic there."

"Let me see." Nym grabbed the letter and began to read. After a moment she sighed. "They're definitely smart. As their Grandfather is Head of House, only he can make Marriage Contracts. However, their father can arrange Concubine or Consort contracts. So negotiate with him and make sure it is ironclad. They must be fairly desperate if they are willing to do this in a letter."

"Well, if what they say is the truth, then I can understand their desperation." Harry sighed as he leaned back in his chair. A moment later he felt Nym start to massage his neck and shoulders. He had to admit she was damn good at that. "I thought you'd be the first to protest, after all the way you have been acting to every girl who has been flirting with me while we were shopping…"

"It wasn't every girl, I was nice to Penny, wasn't I?" Nym wasn't nearly as affronted as he tone was implying. She knew this question would come up eventually. After all she had been a right bitch to almost every girl to approach Harry. She had kept it cool, adopting the air of her Aunt Cissy when she had to be at public events. The lone exception to her cold demeanor yesterday had been Penelope Clearwater, but that was likely because the first words out of the Ravenclaw's lips had been a thank you for killing the Basilisk that had petrified her. "Until you find an Alpha wife or a Matron, I have to fill those roles. Not my first choice as I am more an Enforcer in nature, but it needs to be done. As acting Alpha I am not going to let unworthy Witches get their hooks in you. Trust me, all the girls yesterday, excepting Penny, saw only a Rich Young Lord who could buy them things or super famous wizard who would make their girlfriends jealous. Again excepting Penny, not one of them was worth a one off let alone a possible chance at being a Lady."

"Oh…and the twins?"

"Well, the letter reeks of desperation…especially the photo…but they also aren't asking for a Marriage Contract." Nym shrugged before leaning down placing her chin on Harry's shoulder so they were both looking at the photo again. "And the Photo tells me they are deadly serious about their offer. They are quite willing to be Bound Concubines to you and whatever Wife you place them under. At the very least meet with them and then see if you can negotiate with their father."

Harry weighed his options. Sure he could refuse and the Patil Twins could not really blame him. However that would lead to losing the pair as friends. It would also mean he was consigning them to sexual slavery as little more than whores. He had little doubt Padma was downplaying just what their potential Owner would do with them. While part of him wondered why this did not happen in the other timeline he was left with the troubling thought something about his return was triggering these things. His mind flashed to how others would react. Ron would be a bit jealous, but perhaps a little sympathetic. The Weasleys were descended from a Muggleborn that had been raised in a Brothel over twelve hundred years ago. As such they tended to be protective of those they thought were being exploited sexually. Hermione was a sticky point. She would likely be appalled that Concubines still existed, but at the same time she would tell him he had to do whatever was needed to save them. As for Sirius he'd make jokes, but would insist Harry do what was right. Then there was the fact that both Parvati and Padma could be very, very useful. Despite her fashionista ways, Parvati was a natural duelist quick with spell and on her feet. Padma was scarily brilliant like Hermione and would make an excellent researcher.

"That might be the best option. I'll assume as Future Lady Black you'll want to be there." Harry finally made his decision. "After all, you are the only Wife I have at the moment, so they would likely be under you."

"As acting Alpha, yes I will be there. And I would not mind having those hot little witches under me at all." Nym purred in his ear before nipping his earlobe. "I am heading for a bath. I expect you to join me after you finish those letters."

Harry was left nearly speechless. Nym had taken to teasing him mercilessly, but this was different. For the last four days she had been making innuendo while performing stripteases that left him aching. Never though had she seriously invited him to bathe with her. There had been the joke the first night, but that was it. This he knew was no jest, she expected him to join her. Shaking the cobwebs from his head he grabbed fresh parchment so he could write the Patils.

_Dear Padma and Parvati_

_First, I would like to say unless it is an extremely formal occasion you should call me Harry. I consider you friends and I hope you can see me the same way. So Dear Harry is perfectly appropriate._

_As for the boon you have requested: I wish to meet you and your father soon. I suggest the Auromvorax in Diagon Alley at one in the afternoon tomorrow. Hopefully we can completely resolve your situation._

_Your Friend_

_Harry Scott James Potter, Lord Potter-Andersson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall _

_PS: The photo was wonderful. Mrs. Potter-Black thinks the two of you are gorgeous._

Chuckling as he tucked the letter in the envelope, Harry imagined just Nym's reaction as the Twins would start flirting with her. Sealing the envelope with the Black Heir's seal he placed it with the others. He was going to owe Hedwig a pound of bacon. Shaking that thought off, Harry grabbed the letter for Susan Bones, it had only been last as it had been sorted that way.

_Dearest Lord Peverell_

_Sorry Harry, but I have to start this letter that way. Believe me I would have rather greeted you a different way. However what I need to talk to you about has to do with that House and your Lordship. I do not want to say more in this letter, so please meet me for Tea at the Brass Pot. I have made reservations for tomorrow at four. Please, please just show up. You only need to reply if you can't._

_Yours Forever._

_Susan Amelia Bones_

Harry scratched the back of his neck as he contemplated the whole situation. Something tugged at his mind as he reread Susan's letter. He knew there was something he was missing, but for the life of him he could not figure it out. After a few minutes he decided that it wasn't all that important.

Setting the letter aside, he gathered up the others and prepared them for Hedwig. He was no sooner done than there was a flash of white flames. Harry had recoiled away for a moment before his brain recognized the source. There looking at him as if completely bemused by the startled reaction was Hedwig, only different. While she was most definitely still Owl shaped, there was no denying that the white flames that were just now dying out came from her. Then she opened her beak and began to sing a highly amused tune. That was something no Snowy Owl should be able to do.

"You're a Phoenix now? How did this happen?" Harry blurted out and in so doing earned a barking chuckle from Hedwig.

* * *

><p>"Mum? Da? We have something we need to talk about." Lavendar had somehow managed to reign herself in and quell the shock that had her speechless for nearly two days. He'd been so rattled that the plan to approach Harry was temporarily on hold, something Padma and Parvati had been upset about. She understood their concerns, but she was not in the frame of mind to deal with that. After two days contemplation she had decided to ambush her parents at dinner and get the complete truth. "I went to the College of Arms two days ago for a Blood Patent. To say I was shocked at what news I was given is an understatement. Being a Brown, one of the Sacred Twenty Eight, was something to be proud of. Not so much that we were pure, but that our family was as Old as the Blacks and had maintained ourselves in the Light. Not many of the truly Old Lines can say that. I never flaunted it, but I felt it was part of my identity. Now I find it was just a lie, I was never a Brown was I? Not by birth."<p>

"No Princess, not by birth, but we never loved you any less." Robert Brown looked down into his bowl of stew just to avoid the accusing glare his adopted daughter sent his way. "We always wanted a daughter to spoil, so when your Birth Parents approached us we readily agreed. We Blood Adopted you and raised you as our own."

"Oh, I am not doubting that you love me, Da. I just want to know why you never told me." Lavendar's tone softened. "I know I gossip, but I have always kept the big secrets. Never once have I told anyone anything that could hurt the family."

"We know, Lavendar. It wasn't that we didn't trust you." Marjorie Brown reached over the dinner table and gently took her daughter's hand. "We just had no idea how to break the news to you. How do you tell the Daughter of your Heart that you didn't give birth to her? I had no clue, and neither did your father. Then, when we finally had an idea your birth parents died. We were sure they would be there to help you ease into this."

"I can see how that would throw you. Who would have expected Nicholas and Perenelle Flamel to die anytime soon?" Lavendar huffed. "I still believe you should have told me."


	9. Meeting and Marriages

_Draco Malfoy: I am getting a little disturbed at the lack of responses about my possible fate. There are precious few._

_Scott the Wanderer: That is not my doing._

_Draco: ~sniffs~ I realize this. I am just concerned that you will kill me in some meaningless manner. _

_Scott: Well, given the history of fan-fiction in general that is a legitimate concern. _

_Draco: That is not the response I was hoping for._

_Scott: No, it probably wasn't. ~Hands Draco a notepad~ Will that ease your mind?_

_Draco: ~reading the positively horrible handwriting with a slight grimace~ You realize both options are fraught with clichés._

_Scott: Can't be helped if you want to live._

_Draco: Well, at least you do not wish to make me a poufter. I would like the second option, despite the age difference and possible repercussions to my sanity._

_Scott: Alright, I promise you will remain sane, mostly._

_Draco: That is not at all reassuring, Aunt Bellatrix can be considered mostly sane by your standards, and I am talking the one in Azkaban. Very well, Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter or Palladium Books. As far as I can tell from the hovel he lives in, he has not made even a Knut from this endeavor._

_Scott: You know if you are going to be insulting…_

_Draco: That was nothing more than my honest opinion. If you want insulting I can bring Pansy during that time of the month._

_Scott: You realize she will hex you for that._

_Draco: Bugger, I forgot she was reading this story._

* * *

><p>Guest: That seems to be a very popular request, and I must admit she is one of the my favorites for Harry<p>

penny is wise: Thanks

shugokage: Thank you, I try to keep it interesting by having Harry deal with stuff that he cannot forsee or control fully, while still letting him move along with his plans.

Shinku Ryuuga: Yeah, I was trying to blow everyone away with that. Lavendar is very underused and when people do use her it's either comedy or tragedy. As for Heiress Hufflepuff…I am still playing that close to my chest. I do thank you for sticking with my story, I do realize that some aspects of it might be off putting, but I am trying make them palatable and more realistic.

Futurist: I wouldn't marry the female lead. I have dated many a girl like her and while it never ends horribly, it usually ends because said girl disagrees with something about me that I refuse to change for her: My love of RPGs, My independent study projects, my preference for an omnivorous diet, my use of profanity when children are not present, my choice of volunteer work, my political views, and so on. Hermione as written in Canon is a Control Freak, and while she is intelligent, most of that intelligence is memorization of facts she reads. What independent woman would not write her best friend for a summer because she was told not to by a Headmaster? None. Strong I will give you, but lots of people are strong without trying to force their opinions and beliefs on others, SPEW alone should demonstrate she cares not for how others think if they disagree with her.

mwinter1: And more is here

davycrockett100: Thanks

serialkellar: Thank you, and glad you like.

* * *

><p>"We have a problem with our end of the contract." Nathaniel Greengrass frowned deeply. As a Pureblood lord he was loathe to admit that he could not deliver exactly as he promised. He'd turned over Heaven and Earth for three days now, but his situation had not changed. "Daphne has vanished. Her hand on the family clock still functions, but no other form of scryng can find her at all."<p>

"Are you telling me that you cannot complete the contract at all?" Lucius Malfoy arched an immaculately trimmed eyebrow. He was still in a great deal of pain, but he hid it well. "I must remind you that you approached Narcissa with this and as angry as I can get, my wife is much more dangerous."

"No, no. Astoria is quite willing to marry Draco. In fact she was rather giddy at the prospect, something about turning him into a proper Dark Wizard." Nathaniel shuddered a little. He loved his youngest daughter, but she reminded him of Bellatrix back when she was at Hogwarts. If he hadn't secured an oath that Astoria had not harmed her sister, he would wonder if perhaps his youngest had disposed of his eldest. "She has two conditions she wishes to add."

"Astoria, she's fifteen, correct?" Lucius asked and when that was that was confirmed he nodded. "Since the contract was rather open on your end, I cannot complain. What conditions does she desire?"

"Astoria wishes to include two consorts, both of whom would have Rights to Draco: Luna Lovegood and Romilda Vane. A father doesn't wish to know too much, but I hear they are all already lovers." Nathaniel sighed. "She wants them to have the same Rights and a lesser control over Draco than she will have."

Lucius had to consider for a moment. His son would effectively have three lovers, but they would control his life instead of him having the reins. He was wondering perhaps if this was more a reward or punishment for his son. He knew all three children as they were all purebloods and all attended many Ministry functions. He held no delusions that Draco would have any control over any of them.

"Done." Lucius sighed. "I would like at least one second son to named Malfoy in return."

"Done." Nathaniel let out a sigh of relief. He did not want to tell Astoria that Malfoy had refused.

* * *

><p>The Auromvorax was one of Wizarding Britain's Finest Restaurants and it's décor, menu, and service showed it. Like most of Wizarding Britain, it favored an older motif, but unlike the Leaky Cauldron, The Auromvorax favored late 19th Century instead of 18th. The wait staff was a mix of human and house elf, though in both cases they wore impeccable uniforms. Recently the kitchens had undergone an massive overhaul and the food had gone from good to exceptional and the menu had expanded a great deal to include dishes from all over the world. Unlike the Leaky Tavern which would seat you at a moment's notice, the Auromvorax had a three month waiting and that was if you slipped the maître d a fifty galleon tip. Of course there were exceptions as certain people could be seated almost immediately, even to the point that guests could find themselves ejected. The last time this happened Lucius Malfoy was unceremoniously dumped in a side ally because Filius Flitwick had forgotten to make reservations for his wedding anniversary. Of course, this was one time Lucius held his tongue as he feared just what his wife would do to him if he managed to have all Malfoys banned for life. Such was the reputation of The Auromvorax.<p>

Adhira Patil was not quite Anglicized, he still clung to many of the ways of his homeland. He had not been happy to have his daughters be sold as Concubines. He was even less thrilled that it was their Grandfather than had done it. Still, he had no power to contest the decision directly. If he had been a bit more British he could have, but it was too late to break from his roots. He fully supported his Daughters' plan in theory. Selling themselves to a man they knew could only end better than the contract already hanging over their heads. Sure, upon hearing they would belong to a classmate had worried him, but after meeting the boy…man in question his nerves had been calmed. Harry Potter was a far better choice on the part of his daughters than he could have picked. The young man had been polite, kind, a little funny, a great story teller and he knew to listen to his wife. The last had been a shock, but he could not help but like Mrs. Potter-Black as well. If he were thirty years younger he would have courted her.

"So, my thinking is that neither a Concubine nor Consort bond would be honoring the two of you." Harry had waited until the dessert to start talking business. "I am willing to offer Marriage Contracts directly to your Grandfather."

"That is sweet of you to offer, but he will not approve." Padma replied softly, wishing for all the world the statement was untrue.

"He's already accepted payment from Lord Talwar." Parvati continued. "If he were to willingly break the contract, it would be a personal insult."

"Then perhaps I could negotiate with Lord Talwar." Harry scratched the back of his neck as he contemplated the situation. He knew very little about British Wizarding culture, let alone the Hindi Wizards. "Would that help?"

"Unlikely, Lord Talwar put in a clause that won't allow him to trade Parvati or Padma to anyone for three years." Adhira frowned heavily, he had read the contract four times, and was appalled by what his Father had done. "Given the state of Talwar Brothels, if they survive it will be a miracle."

"Bloody Hell." Nym cursed under her breath. She had no doubt Adhira was telling the truth. She had heard rumors of Wizarding Brothels that were particularly unsavory. If they were than bad in England and France, they could be much worse in India.

"Could I buy the contract from him before he takes possession?" Harry asked as he looked over the clauses that caused the most problems. Lord Talwar was a right bastard in his opinion.

"No, I have already tried with twice what the contract was worth." Adhira sighed. "Apparently, he plans to make a lot of money off of renting them out as a pair."

"Hey, I found something. The contract states Parvati Patil and Padma Patil. There is no other descriptor."

Nym said after a few moments. "It's written in ink, not blood so it's bound only to the name."

Everyone stared at the contract for a few moments. One by one it dawned on everyone at the table that Nym was correct. Normally, a contract of this type would use a bit of blood to bind the contract to the magic of the girls in question. While a contract with just a name could be binding, it was always very literal in that term. If part of your name changed, the contract was useless. Of course changing your own name always changed the name on the contract.

"That was brilliant, Nym." Harry's smile at his wife was almost as wide as the one he gave her that morning. Of course a night of passion could do that to a young man. "Absolutely brilliant."

"Father, you have no idea how much it pains me to ask this, but…will you disown us? Please, I do not wish to be a whore in some filthy brothel." Padma did her best to not shed any tears, but it was fruitless. In moments there were tear tracks on both her cheeks, something that Parvati had as well.

"You will be Nameless, Houseless, Pariah, Untouchable…How can you ask this of me?" Adhira was devastated. He knew intellectually why his daughter asked for such a thing.

"Harry will take us in, won't you Harry?" Parvati looked to the eyes of her Housemate and prayed he would agree to that. When he nodded she smiled warmly. "See, we will not be Houseless for more than a minute."

"But he could claim you as slaves and do the very things that Lord Talwar would do." Adhira blurted out, obviously not remembering Harry was there. "You will not have my protection."

"Heir Patil, I swear that I will never willingly mistreat Padma or Parvati. I'll offer them each their own House under my control." Harry responded cutting off the man's worries.

"No, we have always had the same last name and that will continue. We will be co-wives and share one House." Padma interrupted getting a nod of agreement from her sister. "We only separated ourselves during Sorting because we wanted a wider range of friends."

"Fine, House Dumbledore then. I doubt either of you wants Slytherin and since I don't actually love you House Potter is out." Harry knew when he was beat. He could insist they take separate Houses, but also knew that they could just make his life a living hell for it. "Is that acceptable, Nym?"

"More than." Nym smiled widely. She had wanted to completely avoid the concubine situation for now. After all she was only acting Alpha, it would be up to his true Alpha to determine if anyone other than wives would be allowed near Harry. "You sure Lord Dumbledore would agree?"

"Actually, he would probably think it was wonderful. It is only he and his brother left after all." Harry shrugged. "Heir Patil, your answer?"

"I, Adhira Patil, Heir of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Patil cast Padma and Parvati the tainted fruit of my loins from the family. They are stripped of the name Patil and denied the succor of it's aegis forever more. So mote it be." Adhira had drawn his wand and declared the banishment of his beloved daughters from the family. That tears did not roll down his cheeks was a testament to his mastery of occlumency. A light flared from his wand and the deed was done. With a very sad smile the Adhira tucked his wand away. "They are no longer Patils, Lord Potter, but they will never stop being my daughters. Harm them and I will be forced to end you."

"I assure you, sir, that while I do not love them yet, that whatever would harm them would have to destroy me to get the chance." Harry replied staring deep into the older man's eyes. "I hope that is enough."

"Yes, it is. Please, invite me and my wife to the Wedding. I know I don't have the right, but…" Adhira never got to finish the sentence as he was engulfed in a hug from the two daughters he had just disowned in order to save.

* * *

><p>"You never told me where you sent Daphne." Astoria Grengrass was lightly panting as she lay back on the bed with her two lovers. "Nor how we get her back."<p>

"Oh we don't get her back." Luna said after a moment of basking. "Romilda sent her well beyond the reach of any portkey."

"What's this 'Romilda sent her away' shite?" When alone with her lovers Romilda could show a rather potty mouth. "I drew the buggering diagram exactly the way you wanted. I even got the fucking Firecrab you wanted sacrificed."

"Relax, Ro, she didn't mean that in a blaming you way, she just meant you did the ritual." Tori wanted to avoid the fight. She swore Luna started them on purpose because they would trigger more rounds of angry and make-up sex. "Right Luna?"

"Oh, I wasn't blaming you Romilda, my sweet. You did a better job than I thought." Luna responded with a smile to the girl. "Originally, Daphne would have just been sent forward in time until after the ceremony. But we sent her elsewhere. Don't worry, she will come back to you and she'll be much happier."

"You know, you are a lot more lucid after sex." Tori mused. "I am not sure if that scares me or not."

* * *

><p>"So, now you know enough of the details to make an informed decision." Harry finished a highly edited version of the reasons for his sudden change of circumstances and his future plans. He left out the timetravel, his new skills, and his plans to visit an interdimensional market, but he had demonstrated the Naruni Beretta for them. "I'll understand if you want to back out and ask the Headmaster to adopt you instead."<p>

Padma and Parvati had been stunned. Harry had just revealed more to them in the last hour than he had in the previous two years. For a moment they wondered if perhaps it had been a hoax, but that pistol had sold them on it being real. Looking to each other they held a silent conversation and really only magical twins could have. Finally, with smiles on their faces they turned back to Harry.

"If you think you can get rid of us that easy you have another thing coming, husband." Parvati said very clearly.

"Now, go meet with Susan while we get to know our sister wife." Padma replied as she watched Harry gape a moment. "Really, Harry did you think we would walk away from a man who was willing to save us from a fate worse than death?"

"Uhm…there is no way I can answer that and remain unhexed. If I say yes, I am hexed. If I say no, then you hex me for offering the out anyways." Harry quickly deduced his predicament. "Why is it that everyone thinks polygamy is so much fun?"

"Honestly, the orgies." Nym answered with a cheeky grin. "Now get moving. The Niece of the Head of the DMLE is not somebody you stand up. Not unless you like Azkaban."

"Fine, I got the hint I am going." Harry sighed and turned on the spot, apparating out of the Grimmauld Den.

"So, We have to know…how is he in bed?" Parvati asked as soon as the crack dissipated. "Are we going to have to teach him or dose him with stamina potions."

"Are you trying to kill us?" Nym asked with a look of horror on her face. "The only reason I am not walking bowlegged is my metamorphmagus talents. The only reason I can walk at all is the healing bath I had. He's a machine and hung like an Elephant."

"Stop taking the mickey out of us." Padma laughed. "We're serious. He's gonna have ten wives now."

"I'm not taking the piss. It's this big and this big around." Nymphadora held her hands a certain distance apart and then enlarged her fingers a bit to show the proper girth. "And he wore me out. His sex drive has to be feeding off that core of his, because he just kept going. It was fantastic…"

* * *

><p>Unlike Madam Puddifoot's, the Brass Pot was a very classy Coffee Shoppe. The fact that the Tea came as English or Chinese and the Coffee was French made the place a popular meeting spot. This was enhanced by the fact there was localized privacy charms on each table. This meant even in a crowd you could have discrete conversation. Of course the two former Aurors as security also helped.<p>

Susan Bones had arrived an hour early for her meeting with Harry Potter. Despite the fact she knew that Harry was a genuinely sweet boy that she truly loved, she was nervous. Her mind kept playing tricks on her, imagining Harry rejecting her in various cruel ways. Or worse was completely apathetic to her. She would rather be hated than ignored. All these different scenarios kept playing in her head until she decided to leave. However he escape was thwarted as the man she was so nervous of, sat down in front of her.

"Greetings, Heiress Bones." Harry had been drilled on exactly how to greet an Heiress in every situation. In a semi-formal meeting like his he was to extend his hand and give Susan the chance to decide if she allowed contact. He was surprised when she placed her hand in his palm side up. Such an action was only taken by a Lady declaring her intent. Keeping himself from outwardly asking, Harry kissed her wrist without even thinking about it. "You do look very lovely today."

"Thank you, Lord Peverell." Susan smiled even as her cheeks flushed. As practiced as she was with occlumency, she still blushed around Harry. It was worse now that he had kissed her wrist. She wasn't sure who trained him, but that response was code for interest in a romantic relationship. "But please call me Susan. This meeting may be for the most serious of reasons, but they are personal."

"Then I would like to be called Harry, please. You have been too friendly the last two years to resort to calling me by title." Harry genuinely smiled. He remembered how Susan was almost constantly blushing around him his first two years. While later he had learned the real reason, he had thought at the time she was shy. "So, my dear Susan, just what could the most serious of reasons."

"Does the Disciple of Thanatos ring any bells, Harry?" Susan had thought of many ways she could have done this. Each had their own positives and negatives. Simply handing him the contract was cowardly if quick. Discussing her family history would take forever, but would give Harry all the details he could possibly want. This method however allowed Harry to piece it together.

"It does." Harry's mind was racing through everything he knew. The Disciple of Thanatos was mentioned in the Peverell contract but it was something relatively unknown in the Wizarding World. He'd never heard of them his first time through and even after browsing through the Black Library, he had found nothing. That Susan would know the term was obviously important. "What does it mean to you?"

"Like the Potters, who earned their name in Ancient Greece and it evolved, the Bones earned their name in Ancient Egypt and it evolved. The Potters were, well, they were inventers of Pottery both Magical and Mundane. They grew beyond that to be sure, but they retained the name to remind them of more humble beginnings." Susan knew Harry had never heard the stories of his fore bearers. She knew very little, but enough. "The Ancient Bones were embalmers and Necromancers. We were the ones entrusted with the remains of Pharoahs, Kings, Priests and Soldiers. We were Dark, but not Evil. Unfortunately, we made a mistake. Due to ignorance or arrogance, the Bones line gave our Gift to a child of the Tepes line. We found out the hard way that mixing certain Bloodgifts caused problems…"

"Tepes…Vlad Tepes…you mean Dracula?" Harry had been listening with rapt attention.

"Yes, and no our Gift is not Vampirism. The truth is he was a horrible Dark Lord long before he became a vampire. If anything vampirism calmed him." Susan shuddered. "No, the Bones Bloodgift is true Necromancy, the magic of Life and Death, not the pale Wizarding version that creates abominations. Alone, Necromancy is only good or evil as the person using it. However, the Tepes line was known to possess the Polymorph Bloodgift as well as a great propensity for Mind magics. The combination of the three created the worst Dark Lord in history. Forget Voldemort or Grindlewand, they had nothing on Vlad the Impaler."

"As much as I appreciate the history lesson…"

"This is important to our conversation." Susan stopped the interruption before Harry could complete his protest. "Now unlike what many think, Vlad did not drink the blood of his enemies…he harvested their souls. When a Bones does this, the Soul is held for a short while and fuels our recovery. It's unharmed and passes on to the next Great Adventure." Susan paused for a moment and took a sip of her tea that had arrived thanks entirely to magic. "When Vlad perverted the process with his Mind Magic and Polymorph gifts he literally tore the soul asunder and plundered it for knowledge and power. While a soul cannot be destroyed it can be consumed and that is what he did for hundreds of years."

"Bugger." Harry shuddered at the thought. His mind flashed to something he'd heard of once and wondered if Vlad had connections with Nxla. The idea was truly frightening as he had little clue on how to fight an Old One.

"Precisely. The Bones family attempted to end his insanity. Thanatos the Elder engaged Vlad in an epic duel." Susan shuddered. "I should note that Thanatos had been our most gifted Necromancer to that date. It was whispered that he held conversations with Death frequently. The Duel was a catastrophe, both Vlad and Thanatos fell." Susan stirred her tea as she recounted the story. "The Bones family was devastated, but they did not give up. We started training a few promising children of each generation, the most powerful, skilled and wise would be named the Disciple of Thanatos. It was that family member that would do all it took to destroy those who would pervert True Necromancy."

"Okay, that was much more fascinating than whatever Binns has been droning on about." Harry smiled despite the feeling in his gut he knew where this was going. Still, he was unsure. "But…"

"I am getting there. Keep your knickers on, Mister." Susan chuckled as she watched Harry's reaction. "Vlad was not truly dead and he came back stronger than ever. In less than a year, the Bones family reduced to a handful. The Disciple of Thanatos at that time could barely keep herself alive against Vlad, forget killing him. It was only luck that in her final stand against Vlad, they were stumbled upon by a couple out on a picnic. Alexander Potter and Elizabeth Peverell did not hesitate and fought alongside the Disciple. This was enough to tip the scales against Vlad and end his reign forever. One of his descendants pretends to be him, but mostly as a tourist attraction." Taking a sip of her tea Susan continued. "In gratitude, the Disciple offered herself to Alexander and found out that he was happily betrothed. Before he could give a formal refusal, Elizabeth, who we think was the granddaughter of Ignotias, made the Disciple swear that the next Lord Peverell would have a Disciple of Thanatos as his Lady Peverell. That is why we are here, my Lord Peverell."

"So you are telling me that we're effectively married because of an honor debt?" Harry asked softly. "I am married to another of the prettiest, sexiest girls at Hogwarts? I am so dead. All the guys are going to kill me."

"Yes, I guess and they better not." Susan had to admit this was a better reaction than she had thought. In Harry's place she would have hexed first, hexed some more and maybe asked a question once the bodies cooled. "So, how else is my Husband married to? Granger? Weasley?"

"Uh…oh Merlin, NO! Hermione is firmly in the Big Sister category, and I am not a Malfoy by blood so that does not work for me. Ginny is like a little sister and again, not a Malfoy." Harry shuddered as he pictured it. He loved both girls very deeply, but definitely not that way. He'd end up killing them or himself if they were married. "As for who I am married to aside from yourself: Nymphadora 'call me Nym' Potter-Black, Padma Potter-Dumbledore and Parvati Potter-Dumbledore."

"Wow, didn't see the Twins actually marrying you. I thought their plan was to become concubines after Lavendar told you her feelings." Susan blurted out, then slapped both hands over her mouth. The plan was not that big a secret among the girls of Hogwarts, but never had anyone let it slip amongst the guys. "Please forget I said that."

"Forget that Lavendar Brown apparently has plans on marrying me? I thought she hated me." Harry tilted his head in confusion. "I mean all those rumors…"

"Rumors she squashed hard. It was amazing, she gathered the worst rumormongers together and mocked them with how stupid their rumors sounded." Susan chuckled. "I can see how she got sorted to Gryffindor, it was one of the braver things I have seen anybody do outside of Quidditch and combat."

"Huh." For the first time in days, Harry was stumped about what to say.

* * *

><p>"Well, that is a very interesting look, Cousin." Narcissa Malfoy arched a single eyebrow as a very passable Harrison Ford clone sat at the table across from her. "I thought young Nymphadora was the Metamorphmagus, not you."<p>

"We all have our talents." Sirus smirked as he signaled the waitress to bring him a fire whiskey. "Now, before you even think of attempting to turn me in, I have Kreacher keeping watch. I've found out the little blighter was just angry I never let him pull pranks."

"I could have told you that ages ago. Regulas got on his good side by pulling pranks on the Hufflepuffs." Narcissa chuckled softly. "I have no intention of turning you in, My Lord. I am here to facilitate a meeting between your Godson and my Sister."

"Andi is going to be joining us for Dinner this weekend." Sirius scratched the back of his neck. "As far as I know, Bellatrix is still in prison for what she did to Frank and Alice."

"Bellatrix Lestrange is indeed sitting in Azkaban for what Rudolphus and Rabastian had her do." Narcissa sniffed in disdain as she named her brother-in-laws. At least her husband had to common sense to keep her out of affairs she had no desire to be a part of. "Bella Black, her creator, is sitting just two tables away and upset that you ruined part of her plans. I can understand her sentiment, but I am more impressed by the fact that Sirius Black pulled off a feat almost as impossible as surviving the Killing Curse."

"So she really did it? I owe Remus two Galleons." Sirius murmured as he processed just what he had been told. "It wasn't as impressive as one would think. Bloody Wankers noticed a dog running around and took him back to England. Even fed him a corned beef sandwich."

"You mean to tell me the most secure prison in Britain was defeated because the guards were too lazy to check if you were an animagus?" Narcissa could not keep the laughter out of her voice, especially when Sirius nodded with a wide grin. Raising her glass of wine in preparation for a toast, Narcissa was all smiles."Oh that is just priceless. Well, I must give you kudos for attempting what others have not."

"My thanks." Sirius raised his Firewhiskey and completed the toast. Throwing back the shot like it was water he sighed as the magical alcohol burned down his throat. "Now what is this about Cousin Bella's plans."

"Well, Dear Cousin, Bella has been watching over Harry for years, despite the fact my husband had him put under Muggle Asylum Fidelius." Narcissa began to explain. "While she loves the Dark Arts, she is not at all fond of Dark Lords. Come to think of it she is not fond of Light Lords either. She sees Harry Potter as a means to end the pointless struggle of egos that happens between the two groups. According to her, he was more powerful as a child than she is as an adult, and his power has only been growing."

"Oh dear lord, she wishes to bed my Godson." Sirius shuddered. He remembered Bellatrix of old and how she pursued powerful wizards and witches. "She might have to fight her own niece for that."

"Of course she does. If Dumbledore had not been completely uninterested in women, she would have been attempting to seduce him at Hogwarts." Narcissa chuckled. "And we both know Nymphadora is not Alpha material. She is an Enforcer if ever there was one."

"True."Sirius sighed. "What exactly was Bella's plan?"

"Why not ask me yourself?" Bella arched one immaculate eyebrow as she took the seat next to her cousin. "Really, cousin, Han Solo? Well, I suppose he does match your personality. Though Amelia is far too busty to be Princess Leia."

"Yes! Remus owes me five Galleons. I'm three up." Sirius crowed then cowered under the glares of his two cousins. "In my defense men bet on almost everything."

"That is not helping your cause." Bella sniffed. "I want to meet with Lord Potter. I have no desire to be drafted into the causes of Light or Dark as a pawn. To paraphrase Leia: Help me, Sirius Black. You are my only hope."


	10. Intentions

_Luna Lovegood: So, Astoria's consort…I could have done much worse I suppose._

_Scott the Wanderer: You're not upset that you aren't with Harry?_

_Luna: No, so many versions of me are with him, that it matters very little. As for Draco, once the three of us work on his issues, he will be an acceptable Wizard…Or he'll be dead._

_Scott: Very possible, in this universe he is not quite the…_

_Luna: ..Wanker, Douchenozzle, Arsemunch, Whiny Bitch…_

_Scott: …that he is in most universes. Of course all things in balance a few others are going to have to tip the other way._

_Luna: Yes, it is impossible to destroy Nargles and Wrackspurts, they just move to new hosts. _

_Scott: Exactly. Now I know you didn't come here just to visit._

_Luna: Actually, I did. I was so thankful that you decided not to marginalize me. I brought you brownies._

_Scott: Oh, aren't you a doll. ~takes a brownie~ These are delicious._

_Luna: Thank you. Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter or Palladium books and hasn't made anything from this story aside from a warm satisfied glow. _

_Scott: Thank you, Luna. Now you might want to get back, your shared husband will be along shortly._

_Luna: Oh goodie, I hope he ate the Viagra Muffins I sent._

_Scott: Do I want to know what's in the Brownies?_

_Luna: Just caffeine pills, pepper-up potion, and a cheering draught._

_Scott: Hmm, I'll take a pan a week please._

{}

Navn Ukjent: Thank you very much, I try

cah11: Kinda figured even Wizards watched Star Wars, or at least some of them. And I will try not to have 20 chapters of set up. This chapter is a bit more setup, but I promise that the next will have the visit to the Splynn Marketplace and that will have real excitement

shadespace: If I didn't absolutely suck at lemons they would be in here. Though I might make an attempt soon. As for your recommendations for the harem, well glad to see someone else thinks Harry deserves quality.

god of all: thank you and I hope to keep it interesting

Aracade: by the numbers

1: I completely understand, I do the same thing with a few stories

2: Luna is one of my favorites as well, just gotta love her. Won't kill her out of hand, but at the moment no Harry for her, but one never knows.

3: I am trying to make it more realistic to what we see in the books and better fiction, that takes time

4: Can understand that, my number 4 is looking for a Fleur of my own.

5: Thank you, and I will keep trying to deliver

discb: Yeah, Astoria is not a witch to cross, not evil but not good. She does honestly love both Luna and Romilda. As for Draco, she thinks he has promise and is more easily molded than Harry.

Mwinter1: Harry is the new Malfoy Heir, but the contract is for Draco Malfoy specifically, and it puts him in a position of mild subservience to Astoria. Not a place Draco wanted to be.

Penny is Wise: Thanks, the Blacks are a lot of fun. And as for Sirius' escape it makes the most sense given how inept 99% of the ministry is.

Serialkellar: Always glad to make people smile

Davycrockett100: Thank you and I hope to live up to such praise

* * *

><p>Draco Malfoy grimaced only slightly as he sat down. His buttocks were only a little tender instead of the writhing mass of pain they had been when his mother had gotten done. For the first time in his life he'd suffered a corporeal punishment for his actions. He made a mental note to not let his mother discover any new misdeeds. Once was enough in his opinion.<p>

"Are you alright, Draco?"Astoria Greengrass knew exactly why her betrothed had that slightly pained look. Narcissa had not been discreet with it at all. However this was a test of sorts. If Draco whined she would have to start some rather rigorous training to toughen him up.

"Just a momentary twinge, nothing more. I suspect that Lord Nott has been overpowering his Stinging Charms when we practice. Nothing to truly complain about." Draco waved off the concern as nothing important. "And how are you today, Miss Greengrass?"

"Draco, we are Betrothed, practically married. Call me Astoria." She knew exactly why he had been formal despite her use of his given name. Draco was not pleased with having a younger bride and less pleased that all the power in the relationship was on her end instead of his. "Do you wish for me to speak with Lord Nott?"

"No, no need Astoria. I would prefer he keep up with the way things are. Real combat would have far more painful hexes being thrown around." Draco quickly backpedaled. He did not want Nott Sr. to suddenly have a reason to be cruel during dueling class. He was already doing a hell of a job as it was. "Besides, what kind of Wizard would I be to hide behind my Betrothed? Hardly one worthy of you."

"And you are learning very well, Draco." Astoria beamed as Draco passed yet another test. There were only a few hundred more to go before she could decide if he was worth keeping after he fulfilled his part of the contract. "I do have some news that should bring you cheer. I have a pair of Consorts who have agreed that you would sire exceptional children."

"I am honored." Draco had to restrain his impulse to immediately claim that it should have been obvious he was a superior male. His mother made it very clear to him that women hated that sort of arrogance and that she would be happy to adjust his attitude again if Astoria made any complaints. "Pray tell, who might they be?"

"Luna Selene Lovegood and Romilda Ariel Vane. I have been in a relationship with them for a year now. It's strained with Ro in Gryffindor, but love conquers all." Astoria made a mental note that Draco only raised an eyebrow. She supposed it was about Luna, who didn't have a great reputation for sanity. "Now, you will treat both of them like you treat me, my Betrothed, or I will be most cross."

"Of course." Draco would have been a fool to dismiss the threat that was at the end of that sentence. Of course, Draco's foolishness was known to come and go.

* * *

><p>"The lady will have a Tall Double Mocha Cappuccino with two shots of espresso, one shot of dark chocolate syrup, one shot caramel syrup, and a drizzle of cherry syrup." Harry stated the order to the waitress. While Susan had been sipping tea, he knew that was only to look ladylike while waiting. "I'll have a Tall Extra Dark Latte with three shots espresso and a liberal amount of sugar. We would also like to split a plate of the cherry chocolate chip brownies."<p>

Susan's eyes narrowed as Harry ordered for her. It wasn't that he was being presumptuous. She actually liked that he took charge. What set her off was he got her favorite order of coffee dead on. She had never seen him outside of Hogwarts, so she knew that was impossible. After the waitress left, Susan decided it was time to grill her husband. There was only so many ways he could have known what he obviously knew.

"You got my favorite order right. Even my Auntie messes it up." Susan arched one eyebrow as she regarded the wizard across the table from her. One hand under the table she flicked her wrist and in a moment Harry was at wand point, or at least his bits were. "Explain."

"Oh Bollocks." Harry mumbled as he saw the hard look Susan was now favoring him with. He recognized that look from when Dean Thomas have made a 'She's got quaffles I'd love to handle' joke in front of her. To be fair to Dean, he had been hit with an intoxication and babbling curse. Of course that had not saved the man from the hexing he received. "Would you believe lucky guess?"

"Do I look like Crabbe or Goyle?" Susan growled. "Unless you like the idea of a Boils Hex to your bits you will start talking."

"Bloody Hell." Harry muttered under his breath. He remembered that Susan was truly bipolar when it came to demeanor. She was sweet as sugar most of the time, but get on her wrong side and you would pray for death. "Fine, if you must know, in our sixth year you and I became close. Very close, but nothing much came of it. Not because we didn't want it to, but because first I thought I had to Die to defeat Voldemort and second you had lost your Aunt."

"But we haven't started third year, yet." Susan growled a little deeper. She hated being the butt of jokes and this was sounding like a bad joke. "Start telling the truth or…"

"Or I will pray for Death and it will only come when you feel you magnanimous." Harry continued what he knew was Susan's favorite threat to give those who earned her wrath. Not that she had used it yet. "I can prove it. Your Aunt calls you Strawberry when you get too big for your britches. You have the full collection of Harry Potter novels, despite thinking they are all rubbish. You have had a replica Number 7 Gryffindor Quidditch Jersey since Christmas first year. You punched Ernie in the nose when he said I was the Heir of Slytherin. And you have intentionally misbrewed potions in order to torture Snape when you hear he has been a git to me."

Susan's jaw kept dropping as he listed those things. Of all of them only the Jersey was known to anyone but herself or in the case of Ernie's nose, Ernie as well. The last one, not even Hannah knew and Hannah was her Potions partner. Shaking her head for a moment, she considered that Harry could have been a Leglimens but quickly discarded it. Her occlumency was Auror grade. She might not have kept him out, but she would have noticed intrusions.

"I have memories of a possible future, one I desperately want to change, Susan." Harry replied with a slight sigh. "I can't tell you everything, not until you swear an oath. Even then, I will hold some things back. I promise none of it is harmful to your or those you care about."

"I'm taking an awful lot on faith, Husband." Susan finally relented a bit and slid her wand back in it's holster. "So how close were we?"

"Close enough to know that you shave it in a lightning bolt shape." Harry smirked as he saw Susan immediately flush again. He had to admit, he really loved making her do that.

"Half the witches in Hufflepuff do that." Susan laughed after a few moments. "So that might be just a lucky guess."

* * *

><p>Dobby was waiting in the Chamber of Secrets just as Harry had asked him. He still could not get over how wonderful his Master was. He was asked to do things, he was rewarded for doing them well, and he was treated like a friend. He'd heard from other Elves about how their families treated them and never believed it. Then Harry freed him and treated him with even more love and respect than his wildest dreams thought possible. And he was trusted, this made Dobby beyond fanatically loyal in every regard. So when the strange blue-white rip in time and space opened just as Harry told him it would, Dobby was ready.<p>

"Dobby welcomes Naruni Enterprise Delivery people to Lord Slytherin's Chamber of Secrets." Dobby announced as the first of the newcomers entered. "Dobby is to present this folder to you and let you get to work. If you need anything, just be calling Dobby and he will come."

"Thanks…Dobby…I am Senior Tech Arden Nash and this is my crew: Genks, Droma, Lyn-Kyle, and Aelithatae." Arden was definitely not human except in shape. What little flesh was not covered by Naruni Overalls was Metallic Blue in hue. As he spoke he pointed out a Orange skinned woman in a full environmental suit, a humanoid lizard complete with tail, a human female, and finally an eight foot tall pointy eared human carrying what appeared to be an engine block on one shoulder. "We just need to know where the washroom is and where to get food."

"Dobby has prepared bathroom and showers over there." Dobby pointed out exactly where to find the facilities, though the sign helped. "And when you is needing food you call Dobby and he will bring you what you want."

"And how exactly do we call you?" Genks asked, her voice distorted by the radiation suit designed to keep others around her from getting sick.

"Just say Dobby's name, Dobby will hear you." Dobby said as if it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

"Alright, I think we got it." Arden was already reading the plans and notes. It wasn't a difficult setup and now he understood why Aelithatae had been added to his team. "Well, if you will leave us to it we can everything up in a few days."

Dobby nodded before popping out.

"Alright, let's get cracking. Ael start building that TW Generator and tell us what we need to do to run it in tandem with the M/AM Plant. Lyn, Droma start getting the simulators built. Genks, we get to play with Anti-Matter." Arden chuckled as he gave out orders.

* * *

><p>Hermione Granger sat looking into her plate of Sheppard's Pie in the Leaky Cauldron. She knew she should be in a good mood, but it just wouldn't come. Her parents had been sure she would want to spend the last three weeks of her holiday at the Weasleys, just like she did last year. They had been so sure that they had booked themselves for several Dental Conferences for August and September. At least she knew now why they had taken so many vacations over the summer. They had been trying to squeeze in quality time around the schedules. The problem was Hermione had already declined an invite from Mrs. Weasley, in the most polite of ways of course. This meant she was practically on her own. Instead of just staying home she had converted the money left for her into Galleons and checked into the leaky Cauldron. Now she was sitting with her dinner, just having finished her letters from the others. She was definitely happy that Harry and Ron were taking more serious courses. She was even happy they had new friends. She was just very afraid they would leave her behind. She was so lost in thought she never noticed the two people sit across the table from her.<p>

"Wow, the last time I saw someone stare into their supper like that, they had been told their crush was petrified." The first voice said with a bit of humor.

"Oi, you were just as bad as I was, George. But yes, I was forlorn, sad, depressed, and a little miffed." The second replied with just a little heat.

"Silly George, I'm Fred. Can't you keep this straight." The first chuckled. "You'll confuse Hermione here."

"Get it straight brother, I'm Fred and you're George." The second twin huffed. "And you should know it."

"Hmm, are you sure? I was positive I was Fred."

"Actually, now that you mention it I am not too sure, it all blurs."

"You're Fred and You're George."Hermione looked up after a moment point to the first and then the second. "And thank you for coming to cheer me up, but how did you know that I was here."

"Well, if you say so. I can live with being George." George replied after looking at Fred for a moment of silent communication.

"Tom Flooed the Burrow, we answered. " Fred shrugged. "Took it on ourselves to collect you and bring you to the Burrow."

"That's very sweet, but I doubt Millie would want a third wheel around."

"Whoever said that we thought you'd hang out with Ron." Fred replied.

"We have much more selfish reasons for wanting you to come." George continued.

"What my brother is alluding to is that we have come to an epiphany regarding a certain situation."

"Mostly the fact that we both fancy a certain Witch."

"There was much anguish over the idea of only one of us being with the girl."

"Yes it was terrible. We did not want each other to be unhappy."

"So we decided we will pursue the girl together as a set." Both twins finished together.

Hermione felt almost like she was watching a match at Wimbledon, the constant back and forth was almost giving her whiplash. So caught up in trying to keep her eye on which twin was talking, she failed to piece things together as quickly as she normally would. "And why do you think I would be able to help that endeavor?"

"Well, we are hoping as the girl in question, we can start our tandem wooing." Fred answered first.

"This is serious, Hermione, we want to date you." George decided to cut off what they knew would be her first assumption. "If we are lying may we never pull a prank again."

Hermione blinked rapidly for a few seconds as she tried to process this. She really couldn't get her mind around it. All through her Primary and short Secondary School career she had been teased she would never find a boyfriend. She had actually begun to believe all those taunts. Now, two handsome, intelligent, and fairly popular men were telling her they wanted to date her. It was perhaps a little too much for her to process at the moment, so her eyes rolled up in her head and she pitched forward in a faint. Luckily, the twins were fast enough to save her from planting her face in her Sheppard's Pie.

"Well, either that was a really good sign, or an indicator we need to improve our image."

"Perhaps we should take it as both, Brother. It shant do to have Hermione Granger to be seen dating below herself."

* * *

><p>Fleur Delacour sat staring at the photo of Harry Potter as it went through another loop. He was obviously in a dressing room getting changed when his boxers vanished. Now as a French woman of incredible beauty she had seen more than her share of nude men and women, especially at the beaches. She had always been a connoisseur of attractive bodies, at least by sight. She had never dated anyone past the first dinner and definitely not gotten into making out, let alone having sex. Until, Harry turned towards the camera she would have placed him in her top thirty hot bodies with an honorable mention for best ass. Seeing his profile and then the full frontal she amended her list. He was number two for hottest body with honorable mention for his ass and that magnificent manhood. The only better body she ever saw was a pink haired witch she had been gawping at a few years ago on the Riviera.<p>

Normally, Fleur would have reduced such a picture to ash and returned a hexed letter to the sender. A few things stopped her. First was the fact she was not sure it was deliberate. It was after all stuck to an autographed photo of Harry spitting up a snitch. Second was that the photo was tasteful, not crude like most of her unwelcome suitors. At this point she could forgive Harry for sending it, if it was intentional. Third was the fact that honestly, she had enjoyed the stories Hermione shared of Harry. Finally her Veela instincts were telling her this man could be a lot of fun. The letter had not hurt his cause at all.

_Dear Fleur Isabelle Delacour_

_I am unsure how to start this letter. While you have heard much of me, I have not heard from much about you. What I have heard is that you and your little sister were very nice to my best friend, Hermione. Since Hermione has given you such high praise, I would be a fool not to get to know you. One thing I am not, is a fool. (Even as I say that I can hear others laugh.) I would like to get to know you and hopefully be your friend. I will understand if you think this is a bad idea. I understand that I cannot be everyone's cup of tea. I do hope you will at least give me a chance however._

_Well, I am certain Hermione has told you quite a few stories of me. I wish I could say they were fabrications, but knowing my best friend she embellished nothing. So you'll probably know that while I am intelligent most of the time I have moments of complete idiocy. So far I have been blessed in that my idiocy comes with unbelievable luck. Of course Hermione probably described my idiocy as heroism, but that doesn't change the utter lack of brains it takes to tackle a troll and shove my wand up it's nose. (Don't worry, our esteemed School Nurse taught me how to clean the wand thoroughly, though now my wand smells of Murphy's Oil Soap.) Or the lack of brains it takes to confront a possessed Professor alone. I won't even go into the lack of intelligence it takes to decide I am going to face a Basilisk alone. Come to think of it I am pretty sure my only thought was "That is a ruddy big snake!". If you think you can stand to be friends with someone willing to do the insanely dumb things I have, then I am glad to have you. If not, I can only think that you're smarter than anyone I know._

_Sincerely_

_Harry Scott James Potter, Lord Potter-Anderson-Gryffindor-Peverell-Slytherin, Heir Black-Dumbledore-Malfoy-McGonagall._

With a smirk on her face Fleur began plotting how she would respond. Perhaps she would ask her mother for pointers. After all there was no way she was letting Harry get away with just being friends, not after seeing that picture. She had a seduction to plan.

* * *

><p>Harry Potter stopped in mid stride as he was leading Susan to the Apparation point as a chill ran up his back. "For some reason I feel like prey right now."<p>

* * *

><p>"You're telling me that you wish me to dissolve the Lestrange Marriage Contract, but not annul the marriage. To what purpose? Wouldn't that leave you married to that moron?" Sirius had tried to wrap his mind around the plan his cousin was describing, but it was far to Slytherin for him. And he was almost sorted there if not for his argument with the Hat. "Please remember no matter how healthy I look, I am still suffering from Dementor exposure."<p>

"I was hoping not to feed this to you in baby bites, Sirius." Bella rolled her eyes before taking a sip of tea. "The contract calls for Bellatrix Black to marry Rudolphus Lestrange. It doesn't not allow either party to marry someone else. It matters little that my little Simulacrum is Mrs. Lestrange, I am still not allowed to wed as I wish. So, I propose dissolving the contract, leaving my little construct with Rudy and then I can pursue your godson."

"And why would I let you near Harry?" Sirius growled out. Bella did not resemble the Death Eater Bellatrix, but it was hard to set aside his anger with the torturer of his friends. Even though she never cast the spell, if she had not created that…thing…Frank and Alice would likely still be coherent.

"Simple, while you know I am a Dark Witch, you also know I despise Dark Lords and Light Lords for that matter." Bella responded with seductive grin. "You know I will do whatever it takes to keep my Husband alive and free of the machinations of either. Finally, I was always your favorite cousin, if only by a little bit."

"Harry will surprise you Bella, he's a lot more powerful than you think and not nearly as gullible as to just fall for your charms." Sirius looked deep into his cousin's eyes and for a moment considered using leglimancy. However he was not sure if his mind would survive the barriers Bella had in place. "He has already begun his own plans, and honestly I almost feel sorry for Voldemort."

"I am sure he will surprise me. I had thought to be the one to take him to the College of Arms in the guise of Arabella." Bella mused for a moment, taking a bite of chocolate biscuit. "Instead he does it with you, someone he should have no reason to trust at all. If I did not know better, I would assume you had been on contract with him. Obviously he either has another source of information or he had intelligence and insights he had kept hidden."

"It could be both." Sirius shrugged noncommittally as he took a swig of his Butter Beer. "However if you desire a chance, you will have to explain the Simulacrum and just why you still maintain it."

* * *

><p>"I just had the strangest dream." Hermione Granger roused herself from the depths of her unconsciousness to find herself on a familiar sofa. Given in the extremely comfortable cushions and the ceiling painted a very familiar red, she would have known this was the Burrow from the faces that were looking down on her. First there was a concerned Molly Weasley, then the grinning faces of Ron and Millicent, the smirk of Ginny, and the worried faces of Fred and George. "It wasn't a dream was it?"<p>

"No, my brothers finally got off their skinny arses and asked you out." Ginny's response caused the aforementioned Twins to wince as Molly's face brighten. "Of course you fainted before you could answer, so they were a little worried."

"But…but…but…why me?"Hermione was at a loss. She didn't see herself as all that beautiful. She knew all to well she was a bossy know-it-all and teachers pet. She certainly wasn't good at Quidditch, even if she had gotten competent on a broom. Hell, she didn't even like the sport all that much. She wasn't a prankster. She just saw nothing in common with the twins.

"Because my brothers have good taste." Ron said after a moment earning him a smile from Millie for being a good friend. "Listen 'Mione, they may hide it but my Brothers are all scarily brilliant. Maybe not in every subject like you, but the Twins are brilliant in Potions, Runes, Charms and Transfiguration. They've been inventing new potions for years now. Sure they are Pranks, but it's scary brilliant stuff. Do you think two smart blokes like that are going to have a crush on anyone but the smartest Witch in Gryffindor?"

"Not smartest Witch at Hogwarts?" Hermione arched an eyebrow looking at her second best friend.

"I don't know them all, so I can't make an accurate comparison." Ron shrugged. When everyone looked at him with shocked expressions he smiled. "What? I've been informed I have to keep an open mind."

"Our brother is well and truly whipped." George sighed shaking his head.

"What do you think we'll be like once Hermione is done with us?" Fred replied.

"Point, I just hope we're allowed to pull pranks."

"I doubt she will change that about us, Brother, she laughs at them almost as much as Harry does."

"You're right, I do." Hermione said after a moment. "Though you need to start reining in your pranks, some of them are mean."

"Does that mean we are dating?" Fred looked hopeful.

"It does. Now be good boyfriends and get me some chocolate." Hermione grinned as both boys tripped over themselves on their way to the pantry. Turning to face the Molly Weasley, she was quite amazed that the woman seemed so thrilled. "I do hope you don't mind me dating two of your sons."

"Dear, if you could get them to behave I would have you date all of my single sons at once." Molly smiled before engulfing Hermione in a rib cracking hug.

* * *

><p>Harry had gotten a little better at side-along apparation. Instead of both him and his passenger landing in a sprawl, it was just him. For a moment he wondered why all forms of magical travel except brooms hate him so very much. Did he offend the Gods of Instant Transportation or something? However such thoughts were banished from his mind when he realized Susan was standing above him in a skirt. While he tried not to look, it was impossible.<p>

"Enjoying the view?" Susan smirked down at Harry before she moved and offered him a hand up.

"There is not a single safe answer there." Harry groused as he took the helping hand and regained his feet. "If I say yes, I am a Perv. If I say no you'll believe I think you are ugly, when you are the furthest thing from it. So I am answering this way. My inadvertent glimpse under your skirt is definitely a memory I will treasure for a long time."

"That is a good answer, Husband." Susan grinned before leaning in and kissing Harry on the cheek. "Now, I want to meet my sister-wives. I know Padma and Parvati, but not Nym. We have to be able to get along, or your life is going to be a living hell."

"That is understandable." Harry nodded as he offered his arm to Susan. "Alright, the last I saw them they were in the Living room."

As he spoke Harry was leading Susan through the recently cleaned and redecorated Black Manor. While it was still dark, it was not as foreboding as it had been before. What had been a house that clearly stood on the worst aspects of the Dark now reflected the more positive parts of it. Instead of oppression, cruelty, and hate it showed the indomitable spirit, deep passions and fierce pride the Dark could engender.

"Not the kind of home I would associate with the Potter family." Susan said as she admired the décor. The Ossuary was done in a similar fashion, though far more open.

"Well, this is Black Manor, the home of my Godfather and future Manor of the Lady Black." Harry explained. "The Kiln is not ready yet."

"Ah, that explains it." Susan chuckled. "I know there is no Peverel Land Holdings, so I won't embarrass myself asking about them."

"None yet, but I plan to rectify that. Each of my family names needs an Ancestral home for my heir's families." Harry replied as he glanced at a painting of Dorea Black-Potter. In doing so he completely missed the pleased smile his newest wife was giving him. "I'm hoping my wives can get along well enough we can all live at the Kiln. It would seem…weird…to have all of you in separate homes."

"It would also save you the trouble of multiple floo trips." Susan teased a little. "Well, I will make no guarantees, but I'll try my best."

"That would be great." Harry said as he swung open the living room door. "Bwuh?"

Harry's mind shutdown for a very good reason. There in the middle of a cleared out living room was Twister mat and his three other wives. Under normal circumstances that would not have been enough to shut his brain down. However, the three girls were in various stages of dress, though none of them were wearing anything could go out in public in.

"Oh look we have two more for strip Twister!" Nym cried out happily just before the tangled mass fell again. "Alright, whose turn was it?"

"We just finished mine." Parvati responded from the middle of the pile. "We hadn't spun again yet."

"Bugger, that one piece each." Padma groaned. "Nym's choice."

"Buh-wha?" Harry muttered again his brain completely out to lunch, though one part of it was filing this in Patronus worthy memories.

"Yes! Who had complete mental meltdown?" Parvati crowed as she disentangled herself from the pile.

"Wasn't me. I had faint dead away." Nym pouted.

"Pranking our husband?" Susan asked with a grin. "We're going to get along smashingly."


	11. Splynn Dimensional Market part one

_Pansy Parkinson: This is a rather fascinating story so far. However, I have to wonder just what you have planned for me. _

_Scott the Wanderer: Well, your contract is with the Malfoy Heir…_

_Pansy: Oh Merlin no…please no…not Potter. _

_Scott the Wanderer: Do you hate Harry that much?_

_Pansy: Pfft…No…I actually think he is a decent fellow, but he's going to have ten wives, minimum. I like political intrigue as much as the next Slytherin, but not when it comes to getting laid. _

_Scott: Well that is understandable. I was thinking you wouldn't be happy for other reasons._

_Pansy: Meh…if it wasn't for having to deal with nine other wives I would in a heartbeat. In fact I know versions of me have. And I am not against enjoying the pleasures of the female flesh as well, but I need a bit higher percentage of male to female bits, please._

_Scott: Well, there are options ~hands Pansy the notepad~_

_Pansy: ~reading and then smiling widely~ Definitely the third one. I like that idea a lot. I'm sure I can convince her it is a good idea. _

_Scott: Well, it could be possible. Of course you have to convince Harry to pass the contract along._

_Pansy: Yeah, as if that will be difficult. He's so noble he'd make Gallahad sick to his stomach. _

_Scott: Point._

_Pansy: Well, I guess in thanks: Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter, Palladium Books, or anything you might recognize. He hasn't made half a Knut out of this. _

* * *

><p>TheFlowerOfTheCourt: Actually, I believe she was an Ervin, but that is beside the point. I chose the model because she has the appearance I believe an Aphrodite influence Millicent would have. Yes, I refer to her as a she because that is what gender she sees herself. Millicent if one hundred percent female however and was born that way.<p>

discb: Well, we at least know they can keep up with her intellectually. Forget their OWL scores, those boys invented more things than the Department of Mysteries.

Penny is wise: Yeah, all those strong women and even more coming…I'd say poor bastard, but anyone with Fleur chasing them can only be a lucky bastard, and that is not even adding in Nymphadora, Susan, or the Patil twins.

Jake Wolf: Thank you. I am trying to show that despite things going to Harry's plan, there is also a ton of stuff he did not accurately account for. It still will end up very good for him, but perhaps not the way he thought. Hermione and the Twins just made me smile, so I had to use it, and yes Hermione is one of the few people the Twins innately respect so she can rein them in a bit while they loosen her up a lot. As for Sirius, well let's just say that Harry is the only one with a thing for smart women. It's hard for me to think Draco could be such an idiot with Narcissa as a mother. It didn't seem right.

Serialkellar: Yeah, I actually like Hermione/Weasley Twins better than Harry/Hermione. Of course I can see Hermione with any Weasley except Percy and Ron, not to malign Ron at all. I think he would have been better with a few other choices…no not Lavendar…

ReadsWayTooMuch: Thank you. As for the books, Palladium Book inc. is a company that produces a number of pen and paper RPGs.

Kuriboh1233: is it bad that I did not even think of that before, but now seems like a great idea?…just gotta figure out how to make it dramatic.

Mwinter1: And delivered and I promise I am third done with the next update already

Shadespace: Actually, I believe that many men have the dream of being involved with several intelligent, powerful, beautiful women at the same time. Though, honestly most mere mortals cannot keep up…thank god for fiction.

Davycrockett100: Thank you.

Cah11: Well, there is a small bit of action in this chapter. A small skirmish including something we almost never see Hagrid in a fight! I regret to say no Death Eaters will die in this chapter as none have ever been to Splynn.

* * *

><p>AN: You will note I mention how evil the average denizen of Splynn is. Well, I am not even remotely exaggerating it. Lord Splynncryth recently (last couple decades) invented a class of weapons that uses living and aware faeries as a power source. And he considers that one of his more benign inventions…<p>

* * *

><p>The Splynn Dimensional Marketplace is the brainchild Splynncryth, arguably the most powerful of the Splugorth in the Megaverse. Located in Splynn, the capital city of Splynncryth's Atlantis. More than half the sprawling city is devoted to commerce and tourism for beings all across the Megaverse. Of course a good percentage of these merchants and tourists would sooner rape and devour a human than sell anything to them. You see, it is a market place of Monsters, Deevils, Daemons and those who deal with them. It's rare to see a human wandering the streets of Splynn, let alone a free human. Exceptions exist of course, for some humans are far more powerful than their frail bodies would indicate. However even those exceptions tread lightly for in the alleys of Splynn even the most powerful of beings is often kidnapped, enslaved and sold for profit.<p>

One might ask with all the dangers of the Market why anyone would willingly go there. The reason is annoyingly simple. There is literally anything you wish to buy in Splynn. Anything from across the Megaverse can be found in this one city, from mundane foodstuffs to rarest of military hardware. There are things you can ONLY find in Spynn. From the simple wonders of Tattoo Magic to the incredibly twisted perversions of Biowizardry to the legendary Rune Weapons it can be found in some corner of the Market. Anything you imagine can be bought in Splynn, provided you have the coin and a wary of the dangers.

Why was Harry Potter coming to Splynn one would definitely ask? Merlin knows his wives, godfather, and the Hogwarts Groundkeeper all did, multiple times. Harry had a plan to keep the Wizarding World from stagnating. Unfortunately, his plan required something that he could not just buy anywhere. Not only that but what he was doing was perhaps a little morally repugnant on many levels. He was sure the end result would please a certain bushy haired friend of his, but she would also likely demand he just keep returning to make similar purchases. While he would not mind, such purchases might bring his world to Splyncryth's attention and that would not end well.

* * *

><p>"Harry, this is a Slave Market." Nym hissed out as the group finally arrived just where Harry had claimed they needed to make their most important purchase. "What are we doing in a Slave Market?"<p>

There was no denying the truth of Nym's statement. The Stables was one of the largest slave pens in the Megaverse, let alone Splynn. Over one million slaves of various stock were kept in the pens here on even the least busy of days. As today was an auction day that number swelled past four million. Streaming video signs in almost every language advertised lot after lot of slaves as they were being sold. Of course the crowd was a mix of the worst evil beings from the hideously ugly HighLords to twenty foot tall Gargoyles to demons of various breeds.

"Yes, it is. We need technical support and this is the only place to find them quickly." Harry replied and as he saw the glares being shot at him he rolled his eyes. "I'll be freeing them as soon as we bring them home. It's win-win. I get to hire people with skills, they aren't going to be abused by these things."

Even as he said that he knew it was a mistake. One of the Gargoyle's ears perked in his direction.

"Can't we buy them all?" Parvati crinkled her nose in distaste as she got a lecherous glare from a passing Kittani.

"I doubt it." Susan spoke up not taking her eyes off the screens. She swore she saw a familiar face up there, but it had passed to quickly. "There has to be hundreds of thousands of slaves and most of them are going for quite a bit. Even with the refill of the Anderson Vault yesterday, there is not enough."

"Even if we did, I'd likely hand over the money and get about five steps out the gate before I was killed and the slaves taken back." Harry replied as he thought over what he knew of this place. "A human, even a powerful human, making that kind of purchase would be an instant target."

"Blimey, 'Arry, when yeh told me this place made Knockturn look sunny and bright I thought yeh were joking." Hagrid now knew exactly why Harry had worked so hard to convince him to come. He also understood why the insistence on carrying heavy black machinegun and learning to shoot it. Seeing a rather ugly demonoid giving the girls a salacious look, Hagrid adopted the same demeanor he had against the Dursleys. "Tuck yer eyes back in yer head."

"How much for the twins?" Gnarlfax growled out as he motioned to Padma and Parvati. The Brodkil licked his lips and smiled showing many bloodstained razorsharp teeth. "They look…delicious."

"They are my wives and not for sale, especially not to the likes of you." Harry spat out as he moved to Hagrid's side. While he knew he had to walk on eggshells around most creatures here, Brodkil were lesser demons and treated little better than humans. With him being a wealthy customer he knew the law would side more towards him. "Now back off and let me conduct my business in peace and we will do the same for you."

"You should reconsider. Take my offer now and have gold to spend before someone kills you and takes them for free."

"It would be amusing to see someone make the attempt. Each of them could kill you before you had the chance to blink." Harry chuckled evilly. Sure he was bluffing, but a bluff like that could save them trouble.

"Jumped up human scum!" Gnarlfax growled and stepped forward only to be stopped by the click of Hagrid racking the lever of the NE-100. Of course, seeing all four ladies and both smaller gentlemen pull out the intimidating NE-4 pistols certainly helped the Brodkil decide that his death would be painful. Backing away, but never taking his eyes off Harry, the Brodkil growled. "This is not over."

"Just what in Merlin's Sagging Testicles was that?" Nym asked as the Brodkil slinked out of earshot.

"Brodkil Demon. Strong, Tough, reasonably intelligent and meaner than an insulted Goblin." Harry responded automatically. "They are not treated much better than most humans, so I would bet he's the envoy of someone who is too busy to come himself."

* * *

><p>Harry was pleased. Despite the demand for Technowizards, Summoners, and Diabolist he had managed to purchase a few of each without spending a terrible amount. The Psi-Techs and Operators had been cheaper, but only because the buyers were more interested in magic than technology. On top of that he'd purchased an older Robot Pilot, well past his prime but Harry needed someone to teach, not actually fight. Currently, his purchases were being loaded into a hover bus that he had purchased knowing that he didn't want to try herding a group of slaves through Splynn.<p>

"Harry, I know that girl it's Daphne." Susan pointed to the main screen. "What have these bastards done to her?"

Harry looked up to the screen with a critical eye. The blonde haired woman was familiar, but it took him more than moment to recognize her. The reason for the delay was simple: Daphne had been heavily modified though thankfully not horribly disfigured. She was still the same very shapely petite girl she had always been, but now there were three pairs crimson feathered wings on her back like some twisted seraphim. More disturbing was that the ice-cold look that used to grace Daphne's eyes was now blank.

**Name: Daphne Greengrass**

**Arena Alias: Seraphim**

**Designation: Human BioBorg**

**Orientation: Arena Combat/Plaything**

**Current Arena Record: 21 wins 0 Losses 1 Draw**

**Modifications:**

**Transmutation: Mega-Damage Body, Enhanced Physical Prowess, Enhanced Physical Endurance, Enhanced Running Speed, Customized Body, and Supernatural Strength. **

**Reconstruction: Wings, Retractable Claws, Retractable Fangs with Euphoric Toxin, Chemical Spray: Sedative Toxin, Nightvision, Polarized Lenses, Motion Detector, and Amplified Hearing**

**Symbiotes: Absurr Lifenode and Elom**

**Current Bid: 1.2 Million Credits**

"BioBorg? What does that mean?" Padma frowned as she read the entry.

"In this case, they used a whole bunch of Dark Magic to turn her into a killing machine. She might if she was really unlucky remember her former life."Harry ground out between gritted teeth. Turning back to his bidding kiosk he swiped his Splynn Buyer's card and punched in a bid. "Since I remember talking to her briefly on the Express I have to wonder how long she has been here."

**Current Bid: 1.4 Million Credits**

"You're buying her, Harry?" Sirius asked as he saw the bid climb. "Don't you remember the McGonagall contract?"

"What do you suggest Sirius? I leave her here to be bought and abused?" Harry shot the man a glare that only ended when he saw Sirius raise his hands in surrender. "They designated her as a plaything. For them, that is anything from humiliation to gang rape. Given her enhanced body, she would survive most anything."

"Those chav eating bastards." Nym's hair flared the most intense orange to be seen.

**Current Bid: 1.6 Millions Credits**

"Is that price normal? We didn't spend a third that much on that lot of four Operators." Parvati glanced around trying to find who was doing the bidding.

"No, we are well over double what she should be going for." Harry sighed as he quickly input a new figure. "If she were a Tattooed Warrior or Maxi-Woman sure, but not a BioBorg. I had hoped to buy a few other things, but they can wait."

**Current Bid: 5 Million Credits**

**Going Once**

**Going Twice**

**Sold to ID 423453-HSJP**

"Yes! Susan come with me to collect Daphne. Padma, Parvati direct the bus to our Arrival Gate." Harry was not at all surprised to find he was catching a glare from Gnarlfax. The Brodkil had been getting more and more livid every time Harry out bid him the whole day. "Sirius, Hagrid, Nym. Keep your eyes open. If attacked do a fighting withdrawal. If you have to, use the portkey function of the Bus, but only as a last resort. We do not need the beings here to figure that bit of magic out."

* * *

><p>"Quite the bid for this one." The leering gaze of the High Lord was doubly unnerving thanks to the massive jet black eyes and fanged hilled mouth of the giant humanoid. "Her record in the Arena is impressive, but hardly worth that much."<p>

"My wife thought she reminded of an old schoolmate." Harry replied with more than a bit of truth laid in a way to mislead things. "I believe she can be repurposed as a bodyguard and playmate for her."

Susan could only nod along. She knew her branch of magic had it's evil practitioners and even some of the spells she used were incredibly Dark, but they were pale gray compared to the being in front of her. The High Lord was so Dark that she was sure blackness seemed bright in comparison. He didn't reek of Death so much as of Oppression, like he enjoyed the feeling of crushing a beings free will.

"Ah, then I understand. One must keep their wives happy I am told." The High Lord chuckled, a sound that would haunt both Harry and Susan's nightmares for some time. "You will be happy to know that we have restored your… plaything's …orifices to their pristine condition. Her previous master had a…predilection…for watching her service his pet satyrs and pucks. As you can imagine, it would have ruined her value."

"That is good. I assume she is still able to reproduce." Harry had to suppress the twin urges to vomit and kill the High Lord. While it was alone with them in this small office, he knew the place was crawling with Conservators, Power lord and Kitanni in Power Armor. He would take the creature in front of him, but would die minutes later. So Harry stilled his bloodlust for now. Glancing to Susan he could see she was much the same way. He still managed to get the curt nod from the being affirming his assumption. "Very good, I would like to take possession now."

"Very well, your Gringotts Interdimensional transfer has come through." The still nameless High Lord nodded as he looked down to a screen. "Enjoy your purchase Lord Peverel, Lady Peverel. Please visit again soon. Wait here, in a few moments your plaything will be here."

Harry let out a long sigh as the High Lord left. He'd been half afraid that he was soon to find out what the inside of the Slave pens looked like. Wrapping an arm around Susan's shoulder he drew her close as she seemed to be having a similar reaction. Not that he blamed her at all.

"These…things…are pure evil." Susan whispered softly as she let herself experience a small portion of the dread she had been bottling up.

"No arguments here, Susie. No argument here." Harry sighed as he rubbed her shoulder. "Though, at least we're getting Daphne away from them." Of course even as he said that, Harry couldn't help but blame himself for not getting to Daphne sooner. He barely knew her at all, but he knew enough that she didn't deserve this.

Any answer that Susan had for that was cut off as Daphne entered the office from the same door the High Lord left. Without a word the tiny blonde walked around the desk and kneeled at Harry's feet. She was wearing just a simple tunic with holes ripped in the back for her wings.

"I am here, my Master." Daphne spoke almost mechanically, void of almost all inflection. "How may I serve?"

* * *

><p>Daphne Greengrass was figuratively no more, there was only Daphne left. It all started three years ago after her second year of Hogwarts. She had gone to bed after a late night snack with her sister and her two friends, and in the morning she woke on a tropical beach. Without a wand she had been reduced to what little survival skills she had learned and that amounted to picking a direction and walking. Luck was seemingly on her side when she came across of fishing village that was willing to feed her. Had she suspected they were planning to hand her over as tribute, she would have kept walking. She hadn't expected simple Muggles to so easily mislead her.<p>

When she had been bought at auction the first time, she had been relegated as simple entertainment and food. She had endured the humiliation and rape, only to slit her owner's throat with his own dagger. She had expected to be killed for her rebellion, but that was not to be. She been punished, one hundred lashes with a special whip that left no marks but inflicted four times the pain.

A new owner bought her and began the process of truly breaking her mind. The Incubus Lord started a brutal training regime to turn Daphne into a gladiator. If that had not been enough they began the painful magical surgeries to create a twisted mockery of Seraphim. She had been awake as several High Lords carved into her, unable to scream or move as she felt everything. Her sanity had been hanging by the barest of threads when the Absurr Lifenode and Elom had been implanted around her spine. Neither creature was exactly harmful, but as she was forced into the vat of Transmutation Slime, they had a heavily influence on how her mind attempted to recover.

Almost all memories of her past were shoved to the back of her mind and a new persona emerged. Daphne was no longer driven by personal ambition of power, but rather the ambition to serve. She threw herself into her training with vigor not seen in most slaves. Whatever her Master required she did without hesitation. While she despised her duties, her new ambitions drove her to be the best.

In the end it was this new ambition that was her Master's downfall. After so many victories in the Arena, Daphne became a betting favorite. Seeing this as his chance to make a killing with a well placed wager, her Master agreed to a match against another Arena favorite. He then bet against Daphne and poisoned her. Unfortunately for him, Daphne despite being weakened managed to secure a draw and survive. Her Master was unable to pay his debt even after offering everything he had to auction, including Daphne.

* * *

><p>Harry pinched the bridge of his nose as he contemplated just how long someone would need to be here before they broke this badly. It was several weeks since the beginning of the summer hols, so he knew that was not nearly long enough. Plus if he was right, just her transmutation along would have taken a week, forget the surgeries and the symbiotes. She wouldn't have had any time to fight in Arena or be used as entertainment. Something here was way off. Perhaps she was a dimensional analog?<p>

"We will discuss your duties when we return to our home. For now you simply need to follow and if necessary defend my Ladies and yourself." Harry responded after glancing to Susan who looked more than a little worried for her friend. "And call me Harry and this is Susan."

"Harry? Susan?" Daphne lifted her head a moment and looked to each of them in turn. There was a brief flicker of recognition, but it faded. "As you wish, Ma…Harry. Will I be given weapons?"

"Yes." Harry nodded as he pulled out a shrunken trunk form his pocket. A wand tap later he was able to retrieve a Ripper VibroSword, NE-300 "Stutterer" Plasma Submachine Gun, a few spare magazine and a weapons harness. "Now remember, protect all my Ladies, including yourself."

"As you wish, H-Harry." Daphne nodded slightly as she reverently took the weapons. After satisfying her curiosity over their quality, she strapped on the weapons harness and brought herself to her feet.

* * *

><p>Gnarlfax growled as he saw the puny human walking off with his chosen prize. The seraphim bitch had to pay for killing his brother. It had taken two years, but he had finally succeeded in slaughtering his Mistress and stealing all her wealth, spending most of that fortune on subtle modifications to his body, training and several rune weapons. He wanted to humiliate her the way she had humiliated his brother. He wanted to enjoy making her beg for mercy before he used the Sword to devour her soul. Now that frail meatbag was walking off with his prize as if he had the right. That could not be allowed.<p>

* * *

><p>Catching up to the Hoverbus was not as difficult as one would have thought. Apparently several streets had been closed to vehicles for some sort of celebration. The large people mover had to make do with back streets and alleys, considerably slowing their progress across the city. In fact they had only made it a mile from the Stables when Harry, Susan and Daphne caught up thanks to taking a smaller taxi. Once reunited, Harry had Daphne keep watch from the rear of the bus as he took a seat next to Susan and Nymphadora in the middle. Some would say he was making Moody seem laid back, but considering their location he figured it was necessary.<p>

"Do you think it was wise to send her back there with Sirius?" Susan asked as watched their surroundings from the left window. "She's not exactly equipped for his sense of humor."

"She's not equipped for normal human interaction period." Harry shook his head in anger. "They broke her as sure as the Lestranges broke the Longbottoms. The difference is they broke her into something they could still use."

"She looks a bit old to be Daphne, but she's got the same scar on her inner left knee." Susan sighed. Seeing the look Nymphadora gave her she shrugged. "She got that playing Aurors and Dark Wizards when we were seven."

"So, it's likely her then." Nymphadora sighed heavily. "It's disturbing they broke her in just a few weeks."

"Oh, I would say they had her two years, perhaps three." Harry replied as he kept his eyes on the alleyway. "There is likely a temporal distortion from our Earth and this one."

"Lovely, three years among this chav buggering bastards? She's going to make Xenophilius look completely sane." Nymphadora sighed. "You realize…"

Whatever Nymphadora was going to say was drowned out by a thunderous explosion and the suddenly lurching halt of the Hover Bus as it fell to the paved road. The reason was simple: a well placed medium range missile had completely wiped out the vehicle's lift jets.

"You have one chance to surrender. Send out the Seraphim and we'll let you live." The gravelly voice of Gnarlfax was easily heard over the grumbling of the assorted slaves in the bus. As everyone peered out windows the massive Brodkil warrior stepped into view tossing aside a smoking launch tube. As if on cue a half dozen other Brodkil stepped into view, all heavily armed with wicked looking swords and axes. "You have one minute. After that, we have a feast."

"Bugger, I knew everything was going too well." Harry cursed his luck as he touch the frame of the Bus and willed the portkey to work. There was a sudden lurch, but nothing else happened. "They have bloody wards up."

"Shite. I thought you said they wouldn't know that magic." Parvati cursed from the front of the vehicle as she pulled out her NE-4 and her wand.

"They probably don't. Portkeys are a teleportation magic and can be blocked by strong shields." Padma explained as she readied herself. "They likely have a shield set up to keep us from physically running away."

"Harry, they brought more backup. Looks like a giant metal version of the Headmaster's gargoyle." Sirius called out from the back of the bus.

"I am willing to surrender myself to save you, Ma…Harry." Daphne was weighing the options. She had no clue of the capabilities of the others, but seven Brodkil was beyond her. Add in the giant Gurgoyle combat robot and she was sure they would all die.

"NO!" Harry shouted back. "I did not just rescue you to throw away your life, Daphne. We're going to teach these scum a lesson."

"That's the Harry Potter we all know and love." Susan smiled wide. "What's the plan?"

* * *

><p>"Time's up!" Gnarlfax shouted out as he pointed his sword to the ruined hover bus. "I want the Seraphim alive, the rest you can kill."<p>

There were chuckles among the Brodkil as they advanced on the Bus. They had been promised lots of delicious meat in return for their help. A bus full of tender human morsels was enough to make them agree. Of course they were expecting easy pickings as humans were notoriously weak. They could not have been more wrong.

With a crack, Sirius apparated directly in the path of the Brokil, but he was not alone. Having long ago fully mastered the side-along, the Lord Black was holding the elbow of Rubeus Hagrid holding the massive Plasma Machinegun leveled at the attackers. The Brodkil only had only a moment to register surprised before they came under fire. Bolts of superheated plasma burned through the super-dense flesh of the minor demons with terrifying ease. It took the massive weapon only a few seconds to completely fire the one hundred round belt of plasma cartridges that was loaded. Split amongst the six advancing monsters it had killed one, crippled another, and left the other four wishing they had stayed at the tavern drinking. With another pop Sirius and Hagrid were once again inside the Bus, doing their best to reload the heavy weapon quickly.

"What…?" Gnarlfax had never seen such rapid teleportation, at least not outside of the ridiculous Floopers. Turning to the giant robot he had managed to purchase for his cousins he screamed. "Destroy them!"

Twin hatches opened on the massive Gurgoyle robot and racks of missiles were exposed to view. However, before they could be fired a pair of blue beams struck true, only to seemingly have no effect. A moment later over two dozen missiles launched, flew towards the stationary bus and swerved back to strike the very robot that fired them. Explosion after explosion ripped the robot's armor to shreds before destroying the pilot's compartment and killing the two adolescent Brodkil inside.

"How?" Gnarlfax gaped as the last of his family was killed before his eyes.

"Confundus Charm modified with a bit of TechnoWizardy. The missiles accepted the robot as their target." Harry grinned as appeared without a single crack to announce his presence. "My wife Padma designed that one. You know, one of the twins you said looked delicious."

"I'LL TEAR YOUR HEART OUT!" Gnarlfax was beyond furious. The weak little meatbag had destroyed his plans again. Sword raised high he rushed towards the tiny human in order to cleave him in to only to miss as meatbag disappeared again. "COME OUT AND FIGHT LIKE A DAEMON!"

"Hmm, I will have to go with no." Harry chuckled as he sent a cutting hex at Gnarlfax, opening a gash in the enraged warrior's arm. "You ambushed me, so I think I will play with you."

Gnarlfax was so absorbed with killing Harry that he was ignoring his surroundings. As the vengeful brodkil was attempting to separate Harry's head from his shoulder, the others were free to act. Nym, Susan, Parvati and Daphne were finishing off the Brodkil that Hagrid had incapacitated with plasma fire. Meanwhile, Sirius was working with Padma and the Technowizards to modify a reparo to quickly fix the bus, in case Harry's plan failed. Hagrid having reloaded the massive Plasma Machine gun was keeping alert for any surprises Gnarlfax might have.

"Wow, you really are pants at this." Harry chuckled as he dodged yet another swing of the sword. He countered with a bone breaker to Gnarlfax off hand causing the daemon to roar in pain. "You couldn't hit the broadside of an Old One if they…arrggh." Harry's taunt had distracted the wrong person and the result was the Gnarlfax managing to slice through the steel cloth on Harry's chest. The wound was purely superficial, only cutting half the depth of his skin. "Whoa, that was…oooh."

"Soul Drinkers are wonderful things, Meatbag. Enjoy the rest of your pitiful existence, both seconds of it." Gnarlfax snarled as he watched the meatbag fall bonelessly to the ground. "Now, where was I?"

"HARRY!" The anguished cries of Nymphadora, Susan, Parvati, Padma, Sirius, and Hagrid would tear at almost anyone's heart.

Of course it just made Gnarlfax laugh.

Daphne was silent as she watched her Master fall. A tear collected in the corner of her eye as she saw his still wide open eyes glaze over. She had only known him a quarter hour, but he had been kind to her. He had even told her that she was one of his Ladies. Now he was gone and that Brodkil was the reason why.

Gnarlfax was a little giddy. He had punished the meatbag who dared to steal his vengeance. Now he could complete what he had been planning for years. With a cruel smirk adorning his face he turned his attention to the sluts the meatbag had called his wives. Their horrified looks of anguish were almost like candy to him. "Now little Seraphim we end this."

"Yes, Daemon we do." Daphne growled as she sprung to the attack. In the Arena she had mastered the ability to use he flight to deliver a devastating punch. Coupled with the electromagnetic attack of the Elom that was wrapped around her lower spine, her flying punch had been compared to being hit with Mjolnir. In her enraged state the attack was even more vicious. There was a thunderous crack as her shielded hand collided with Gnarlfax's sternum. This drowned out the dozen other cracks of the Brodkil's ribs breaking.

"Urrggh." Gnarlfax had studied his opponent and thought he had known her capabilities. He'd been wrong. She was faster and stronger than he had realized as he slammed back against the reinforced wall behind him. With supreme force of will he tried to bring his sword down upon the woman he hated so much, only to scream in pain as his arm was severed at the elbow. "You bitch!"

"You better believe it, Wanker." Daphne growled as she grabbed the same sword Gnarlfax had struck down her Master and drove the blade trough the Daemons heart and into the wall behind him. Seeing the light immediately fade from the Brodkil's eyes, she sank to her knees and began to weep for the first time she could remember.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Yes, I realize this was incredibly evil of me, I'm sorry, but I promise the story is not over yet. Please don't flame me for this. <em>


	12. Splynn Dimensional Market part two

_Harry Potter: I cannot believe you left that as a cliffhanger. That's mean_

_Scott the Wanderer: Yeah, but they are a literary device. I try not to use them but sometimes the story needs it._

_Harry: You bloody well better not. Though reading this, I have to say I like your style. Ten wives is bloody brilliant, even if one of them is a killing machine._

_Daphne Greengrass: Well, at least you didn't make me secretly in love with Potter._

_Harry: You mean you aren't?_

_Daphne: Pfft, get over yourself Potter. I am not secretly in love with you._

_Tracey Davis: I can honestly say that is the truth. Can't be secretly in love if it's not a secret._

_Daphne: Tracey!_

_Harry: Really?_

_Tracey: Don't act surprised, everyone knows all the Weasley grandchildren are yours, as is Scorpius, all three of Daphne's kids, both of mine, all of Gabrielle's, Pansy's, Katies', Penelope Clearwater's, Susan's..._

_Harry: But I have never cheated on Ginny. She would kill me!_

_Daphne: Please, Ginevra supplies us witches with Polyjuice and a schedule. We give her the penseive memories. _

_Scott: Wow, I had no idea._

_Harry: You had no idea? I sure as hell didn't. My wife is pimping me out._

_Ginny Potter nee Weasley: Oh good, you found out. Fleur's appointment is coming up tomorrow and I would love to just watch you nail her into the bed in her natural form._

_Daphne: Ginny, I need an appointment for Tuesday, Theodore wants another child._

_Tracey: Well, my work here is done. Scott the Wanderer does not own Harry Potter or Palladium Books._

_Scott: Thank you, Tracey_

* * *

><p>Guest: Once in a while a story needs a cliffhanger, it sucks and I hate doing it, but it just came that way all four times I wrote the chapter.<p>

Navn Ukjent: I feel your pain

N714ym: As above, I hate using them but sometimes the muse is demanding

Riniko22: You did guess accurately on the no Dumbledore contracts, though honestly there could have been one that the brothers could not fulfill if there was no bride available of the proper age range. Still didn't happen thankfully. As for the Harem thing, I see this more as a Collective really.

AvidReader: Thank you

Jake Wolf: Well, any normal human would be in deep crap getting hit by that sword, but luckily Harry is not normal…at all.

Serialkellar: Was it just the cliffhanger or something else that made it crap?

Mwinter1: Well, not sure what exactly you mean, but I hope I can bring this story back where you like it.

Marlastiano: I will do my best.

Vizeerlord: Would be kinda rude of me to kill Harry this early.

EzuTheDarkLord: What was the most evil?

Geetac: thanks

Plums: Sorry, but it had to be done now. Harry is not likely to go back to Splynncryth for a while and Daphne is needed in the story now. Luckily I am not adding any new girl before Christmas.

Daveycrockett100: Thanks

Star Iron: Actually, as you will see in this chapter Harry's plan hinged on distracting Gnarlfax until the girls were done eliminating the other threats. Harry had no clue the sword was a Soul Drinker until he felt the effects start. As for breaking a Soul Drinker: literally impossible. Only one method exists for destroying a Rune Weapon and that is simmering one inside a Cauldron of Destruction on a Ley Line Nexus during the Winter or Summer Solstice for 24 hours. The weapons are known to survive in the depths of black holes unharmed.

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><p>"Harry, wake up! Don't you dare leave me, Mister!" Nymphadora Potter-Black was near hysterical as she was pleading with Harry's limp body. "You're not allowed to leave me! Wake up!"<p>

Susan hugged the distraught Auror from behind as tears flowed down her face. She had finally gotten her Prince Charming and he was gone before she could even start to enjoy him. Looking over to the Twins she saw them holding each other sobbing nearly as hysterically as Nym. Sirius had dropped to the ground as his legs seemed to refuse to work. Hagrid was a blubbering mess with large tears running though his beard.

"Wake up, dammit!" Tonks pounded a fist on Harry's chest as she begged him to wake.

"Oooof! Couldn't we find a better way to wake me up?" Harry groaned as he swore he felt a rib crack. "I mean kisses worked for Snow White and Sleeping Beauty."

"HARRY?" The simultaneous cries of Harry's friends and wives made the young chuckle.

"That's my name, don't wear it out." Harry smiled as he blinked his eyes completely dispelling the glazed look they had. "The damned sword took the Horcrux."

Harry got no verbal response at all, instead he was pounced by four women who took turns smacking him hard enough to leave hand imprints and giving him scorching passionate kisses. He was pretty sure Nym used her powers to literally shove her tongue a foot down his throat at one point. Susan not to be outdone had groped his ass rather possessively. As for the Twins, as one kissed him the other would grind on him. Of course after the kisses he got smacked again, this time upside the back of the head and then more kissing. The whole time, Sirius and Hagrid were laughing to the point that they actually had new tears running over the tracks of the old ones.

"Don't you ever dare do anything so reckless, ever again." Padma huffed with more than a little anger showing through.

"We thought we lost you, Harry." Parvati sniffed trying to keep from crying again.

"Why didn't you tell us he had a Soul Drinker? We would have nixed this whole stupid plan of yours." Susan glared at her husband, her hands set on her hips showing just how serious she was.

"Bloody Hell, we should have charmed the Missiles to attack him, but no our husband has to play distract the wanker." Nym deadly serious tone and the more than slight orange shade in her pink hair was showing just how much trouble Harry was in even if she was ecstatic he was alive. "If it wasn't more a punishment for me I would cut you off for a month."

"My poor, poor Godson, henpecked before he graduates." Sirius chuckled as he watched the for women tear into Harry.

"I dunno, if'n I was wit' four beautiful women like them, I woul'na mind bein' henpecked a bit." Hagrid gave a wide grin as Sirius seemed to ponder that for a moment then nod in agreement.

"Look, I had no clue that sword was a Soul Drinker when I made the plan." Harry replied. "He was also a lot faster than I thought, but there was no way I would have let any of you play bait. I can't lose any of you, not like that."

"Like we could handle losing you like that, Harry?" Parvati's tone was dead calm, which should have been a warning for harry to run. The last time Parvati went from crying to dead calm, Lee Jordan had been stuck to a ceiling and used for the Boils Hex practice for two straight hours before she let him down. Of course Lee had helped the Weasley twins convince her that her robes had been made invisible. "Do you think that any of us would be pleased that our husband died?"

"Uh…no, I don't." Harry Potter was feeling real fear at this point. Not the normal fear he felt when he went into dangerous situations, something much more primal. "Would it help my case to say I am sorry and it'll only happen again when our children's lives are on the line?"

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><p>Daphne watched the scene with intense interest. She had been devastated that her Master had died. It was an emotion she had not felt before. It was like her heart had wanted to quit beating. When she had seen the looks of raw pain on her Master's Lady's face she knew they felt the same. She could not help but wonder why. Why did the thought of losing Master hurt? Yes he was kind, but so was her previous Master at times. Was it because he died to protect her? Why would her Master value her more than his own life. She was a tool to be used and sacrificed as needed.<p>

Then her Master did the impossible: he came back. Suddenly, it was as if all the pain in her heart was gone. She wanted nothing more than grab her Master and hold him to confirm what her eyes were telling her. She had held back though, as a slave it was not her place to initiate such contact. His Ladies had not been so restrained. They rushed him and kissed him and smacked him and berated him and then made him apologize for dying. It was all so strange, no other Master would have allowed even his wives to do such a thing.

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><p>"Not to break this up, but perhaps we should think about leaving now. I don't know about you lot, but I'd rather not be around when the LEOs arrive." While quite happy that his Godson was being taken to task for his slight bout of idiocy, Sirius remembered the briefing they had been given on how Humans were treated by the Authorities. He had no wish to see what kind of experiments they would perform on him. "The Bus is fixed and as far as I can tell the Wards dropped."<p>

Looking a little sheepish, the Ladies helped Harry to his feet and quickly boarded the bus. The only delay being Daphne pulling the Soul Drinker out of Gnarlfax's chest and grabbing his weapon's harness as a trophy. After all, the Brodkil would have no use for them anymore. Once she boarded, Harry triggered the Portkey function again. This time there was a massive lurch and the familiar feeling of being hooked behind the navel triggered.

If they had stayed just one minute longer, Harry and the others would have been witness to a Kittani patrol coming down the alley. The clip-clopping hooves of ten suits of Baroque-style Kittani Centaur Power armor sounded through the alley. The armor would seem strange to one who had never seen it in use, but the equine body gave it speed and a stable weapons platform while the humanoid upper torso allowed the wearer to use additional weapons. As the troops came across the carnage they split up examining it from every angle.

"That's Gnarlfax against the wall there." One of the soldiers commented. "I think those are his cousins in the Gurgoyle Robot."

"These are the Halach Brothers." Another soldier commented as he examined the half burnt remains of the six Brodkil thugs. "Looks like Plasma Cannon fire."

"Damn, High Lord T'Lan will want whoever did this found." The leader soldier's tone was clue enough that this would not be a pleasant report to give.

"Why? Aren't they all wanted for something or other? We can just claim they killed each other and claim half the bounty." Another soldier asked as she examined the remains of the robot.

"No good." The leader sighed heavily. "The reward is from Lord Splynncryth and Stypanthal both. They will both want to extend official thanks for killing Lady Stypathalas' murderer. And don't think for a moment they won't hesitate to mind-rape whoever tries to claim they did it."

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><p>"And we're good." Harry was quite pleased to find that the landing from a vehicle portkey was actually quite smooth. Instead to normal jolt that dropped most uninitiated on their arse, there mere the feeling of a sudden stop. "Alright, it's a twenty minute ride to the Imperial Palace, another few minutes to process us and then we are Homeward bound."<p>

"Yay, a life to servitude to a teenager and his harem." One of the purchased slaves mumbled sarcastically, his lips barely visible behind his beard. There was more than a bit of grumbling through the bus with this comment being one of the more audible ones.

"Harry, maybe you should explain things to them."Susan whispered to him. "I mean how would you feel in their place?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Harry realized he hadn't taken everything into account. He'd seen a need for technical support and a way of getting it quickly. Since he was saving these people from the cruelties of what other slaves in the market would go through he had just assumed they would cooperate. It was more than a bit naïve, to say the least.

"You're right, Suze." Harry murmured after a minute. "What would I do without you?"

"Of course I am, Harry." Susan chuckled. "And probably wake up with morning wood and nobody sucking on it."

"Well…yeah…" Harry blushed more than a little as he was reminded how Susan had woken him this morning. "I did thank you for that right?"

"Oh yes, Harry. Several times." Susan flushed a bit as well remembering just how enthusiastic the thank you was. "Okay, enough flirting for the moment. Give them all the good news."

Still blushing a little bit Harry stood up and carefully moved to the front of the bus, thankful that the Hovercraft had an exceptionally smooth ride. Looking out over the people he had purchased at the market he was thankful that he was lucky enough they were sold as family lots. Of course some of those families were formed inside the Slave pens. As he read their expressions he saw that none of them suspected his plans. They saw him as just another Master, though potentially more pleasant that their former owners.

"Alright, I want to make this clear to all of you. I came to the Slave Market because I needed Technical Support for an Army I am building. It's why I bid on all of you." Harry started to explain. "My plan is that once we are home, I am setting you free and offering you paying jobs. You are under no obligation to accept. If you want to leave, you are free to do so. I don't want slaves, I want employees."

"You'd just let us leave? No questions?" The bearded technician who had muttered his displeasure from before was of course skeptical. "Pfft, you probably live somewhere we would die without your help."

"Actually, I would. I would supply a small amount of money, clothes and some basic tools so you can leave. I'll even provide transport to a country of your choice." Harry replied deadly serious. "I would hope you would stay on. I am planning a very generous salary and supplying room and board. However, I know that forcing you to stay will cause resentment and resentment will lead to sloppy work and that will lead to my people dying. Not to mention, Slavery is very, very illegal where I come from."

"Really? Paid for working?" One young woman asked, a Diabolist of some ability according to the lot she was sold in.

"Yes, paid for working. Or if you think you would rather work in a shop, I could help with that. Buy the building and supply start up money for half the profits." Harry shrugged. "It's up to you. I'm just supplying the opportunity."

"Well, I know I am staying. I haven't got any skills accept soldiering." The grizzled combat veteran voiced after a few minutes. "Not sure how good I'll be."

"Actually, I need you to be a Drill Sergeant. The people I am bringing in have never fought before. Hell, most of them never even thought of fighting. You'll be working with Captain Black here as he will hand the magical side." Harry pointed out Sirius as he spoke. "I've bought power armor and giant robots, two things I know you know how to use very well."

"Drill Sergeant Karl Jurgan reporting for duty, Sir." Karl stood up at attention and snapped off a salute. Since his capture six months ago he had bounced from Owner to Owner, his skills being wasted with Arena fighting and not actual warfare.

"At ease, Drill Sergeant. I don't have many recruits yet, so you can take the time to get a training regimen in order." Harry saluted back and smiled as the man took his seat again. "Is there anyone here would rather stay in Splynn? I know it's a stupid question, but I'd rather ask it and have you all look at me like I grew a second head, then not ask and have one of you actually want to stay." Harry noted a few of them chuckled, and the overall attitude towards him was a little more open and friendly. They obviously were wise enough to realize this could be a trick. "Alright then, if you'll look to your left you'll we have arrived at the Palace. In a few minutes we will be leaving Splynn."

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><p>"Name and Card please." The bored looking Kittani woman behind the desk was one of the farthest things from attractive possible. Looking much like a slightly someone crossed a human with a Silverback and then enlarged the cranium before shaving jus the scalp the entire race was not pretty by human standard. This woman took it to new heights by adding about an extra two hundred pounds of fat in all the wrong places.<p>

"Harry Potter." Harry said as he offered his Splynn Buyer's card that he'd had to fill out far too much paperwork for. He had no idea why this was happening. He'd waited for last with Daphne so he could make sure everyone got through.

"Thank you." The woman typed on her terminal for a few moments, then her eyes got comically wide for a moment. "It will just be a few moments Lord Potter."

Harry didn't need to use leglimency to know that this was not normal procedure. The Kittani woman had the worst poker face he'd ever seen. Even Hermione had a better one and you could almost read her cards by her face. "Is there some sort of issue?"

"No, no…just a few technical glitches." The woman stuttered for a moment, her voice cracking twice.

"If you're sure." Harry groaned and reached out with a small tendril of leglimency to Nym only to find that she had gone through the gate. As she had been just ahead of him, it meant everyone except Daphne was back home. If he was right about the time dilation they could not get back for a year Splynn time.

"Remain still and put your hands on your head!" The booming voice of the Kydian Overlord did not need a megaphone to be heard throughout the customs center. "You are being taken into custody, do not resist."

"Shite!" Harry cursed under his breath as he considered just Apparating away. The problem with that was he had no other way of getting back home. Looking over to Daphne he saw her tense in anticipation of a fight. "Just do as they say Daphne. If they wanted us dead, they would have already killed us."

Even as he spoke to her, he knew it was not completely true. However, he knew where one Kydian was, twenty would soon follow. As each of them was worth three or four Brodkil he was not going to commit suicide by resisting. He needed time to think of an escape and he prayed the Detention Center would provide that time. Placing his hands on his head, he waited to be shackled.

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><p>Daphne paced back and forth in the cell that she and Harry had been placed in. That she was doing so barefoot and unclothed bothered her not one little bit. Since she had first been a slave she had only been allowed clothes when her Master had allowed. Given his tastes in entertainment, that was not very often. So she had no modesty left at all. To her nudity was nothing to be ashamed of.<p>

What was bothering her was yet again Harry had placed her well-being ahead of his own. She knew he could have left at any moment when they had been arrested. She had seen him apparate around Gnarlfax with ease. Yet he hadn't as she was out of arms reach and couldn't bring her along. It was puzzling to her that a Master would care so much for a slave. As if that was not enough she was remembering what Harry had told the others. That he was intent on setting them free. She had seen no deception in his words, but what did that mean for her.

"You know you are going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep pacing." Harry tried to lighten the mood as he lay on the single cot they had been given in the cell. It was just big enough two people could cuddle together to sleep. "Obviously something is bothering you. Feel like telling me what?"

Daphne continued pacing, recognizing the attempt at humor, but when she had too much nervous energy to stand still. The question however gave her pause. She could answer that nothing was bothering her, like any good slave would, or she could answer truthfully. The later won out after a few moments. "You claimed you were going to set all the slaves free, does that include me?"

"Yes, in a fashion." Harry grimaced he had hoped this conversation would come later, when he had back up. "The situation with you is a little complicated Daphne."

Daphne almost let the subject drop there. She had learned that questioning a Master was often punished very painfully. Shuddering just a bit at the memories of the lash she uttered just one a one word question. "Why?"

"Well, if you are who I and Susan think you are, then you will be my fifth wife." Harry sighed as he prepared himself for the possible explosion. From what he knew the Slytherin Ice Princess could also go into a cold rage when pushed too far. With all the things done to her, he could see that changing into an explosive temper in moments. "We won't know until we can take you to the College of Arms back home. If you are indeed my wife, they you'll be staying with me as try to reintegrate you into the society you were born to."

"And if I am not?"

"You are free to do as you wish." Harry replied after a moment. "I'll not stop you from leaving if you want."

"And if I want to stay and serve you?" Daphne asked after a long moment after having adopted her completely impassive mask.

"I won't be against it. You'll have to convince my wives, though." Even as powerful as he knew he was, Harry knew better than to just make a unilateral agreement.

"I will do that."

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><p>"Harry was right about the time dilation, it's roughly three hundred sixty five to one." Padma greeted Nymphadora as the woman stepped out of the gate. "We were at the Market for a little over 7 hours, but only just over a minute passed here."<p>

"So lover boy should be along any second now." Nym chuckled as she turned to the gate and waited a full ten count. That should have given him a full hour to get through customs. However just as she got to ten the gate just closed. "Bugger, we have to go back and fetch our wayward husband."

"We can't at least not for a day. Harry said he needed to open this at Noon for a reason." Sirius shook his head as he looked at the circle. "Something about proper energy alignment."

"But…a day here is a year in that hell hole." Susan blurted out. "He could be…"

"Don't say it. He's been through things that none of us could even think of facing. And he only almost dies once per adventure, so he'll make it." Parvati quickly shut down everyone's negative thought. "Let's just get the others sorted and we'll deal with things as we can, alright."

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><p>"Well at least they gave us clothes." Harry tried to point out the positives of the situation.<p>

It was a little hard considering they were being escorted en force. High Lord T'Lan was leading the procession dressed in what was obviously ceremonial plate armor, his staff thumping the ground with each stride. Harry and Daphne were flanked by four Conservators and four PowerLords. Conservators were HighLords who underwent drastic BioWizard augmentation which included two extra arms, stinging tail, a third eye, and armor plating that would put most power armor suits to shame. PowerLords on the other had were massive Kydian Overlords with four arms instead of the standard two, enhanced strength, and extremely powerful TechnoWizard Armor. All in all it the group would have been enough to wipe out a small country with ease.

"They also let us have our weapons." Daphne replied. "Either we are not a threat at all, or they plan to take us to the Arena."

"Point." Harry shook his head as Daphne took apart any real positive from his observation. "But the clothes are a little nice for arena, aren't they?"

Harry had what he thought was a valid point there. They had been put through two hours of preparation from hair to makeup to being dressed. Though, the mix of their clothes and weapons seemed odd. He was in a bespoke suit complete with military coat, the Sword of Gryffindor in a gorgeous scabbard and resting on his hip, on the opposite was his pistol. Daphne was in an elegant backless evening dress with her Stutterer on one hip and the vibrosword in a special back sheath between her wings.

"I was once in an Arena bout where they dressed six female combatants almost like I am now and gave us Neuro Maces." Daphne betrayed no emotion in the description. "We were to beat each other unconscious. The winner was to humiliate the defeated in a variety of ways."

"Ah yes, the Homecoming Queen bout a year ago. Quite popular I believe, not that I ever make it to the Arena." High Lord T'Lan finally inserted himself into the conversation. "While I find your conversation very amusing, I have to cut it short. You are being summoned to an audience with Lord Splynncryth and Lord Styphanthal themselves. Now, as I do not wish to waste time with either of your breaking down into a gibbering mess as you are presented to them, you will be dosed with a mild sedative that will blunt the normal fear reaction. Second, the best way to address wither of them is simply My Lord. Third, I will not hesitate to give the order to kill either of you, so keep your hands off your weapons unless specifically told to reach for them."

"Well that is putting it bluntly." Harry recovered after a moment.

"Every moment I am supervising the security on this meeting is a moment I am not in my office overseeing the safety of the city. If PowerLord Chronus was not currently tracking down a Temporal Raider who has taken steeling from Merchants, I would not need to be here and you would be under his not so tender mercies." T'Lan was completely calm and cool through everything. It was if nothing fazed him at all. "Here we are. Guards."

Before Harry or Daphne could even thing to ask they were being held in super strong grips as autojectors were pressed to their necks. In just a few moments a pleasant hazing of the senses made it clear that the drugs were indeed mild sedatives. Once both humans had that slight glazed expression, T'Lan signaled the guards and with a slight pop the teleportation circle under their feet activated.

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The living quarters of Lord Splynncryth were some of the most luxurious in all existence, at least for a Splugorth. After all a being that is basically a mound of lumpy flesh topped with the ten foot diameter eyes and possessing multiple tentacles some with mouths and teeth has slightly different comfort standards. The massive form of Splynncryth is normally relaxing in a massive hot spring, surrounded by a few of his experiments whether they be computers, potions, or humanoid playthings. The walls of the massive chamber are covered in monitors displaying everything from private arena games to torture sessions to open battle between armies.

"Welcome to my Sanctum, Lord Potter." Splynncryth had no mouth the speak of, but somehow made a deep baritone voice be heard. "I am as Lord Splynncryth and my friend he is Lord Styphanthal." As he was mentioned a tall dark skinned man tipped his head before seemingly to flow into the form of a Dragon that would put a Hungarian Horntail to shame in size and sheer lethal menace. "Normally, neither of us would even consider meeting with you. However, you managed to place us in a minor amount of honor debt."

"Minor? She was my daughter, My Lord." Styphanthal groused, flames licking around his tongue as he spoke.

"Very well, my debt is minor, my friend's is less so." Splynncryth rolled his one eye as he spoke, and image that would be a little humorous if one didn't remember this was a being that thought wars were spectator sports. "The Brodkil that your slave killed was the murderer of one of my favorite opera performers. Such a shame she died so young, only two thousand years old." With a voice that actually seemed sad, he continued on. "As Gnarlfax was a gift from myself, I feel a little responsible and as you have brought my vengeance upon him and his kin, I am obligated to reward you."

"Right, as if you aren't doing it because you watch his dimension." Styphanthal rolled his eyes at his long time friend and master. "It's almost as bad as you watching Europe, that Zombie Apocalypse, and the Fall of the Republic."

"That is aside from the point. Though, it is in the off season for the next week with the temporal shift between our worlds." Splynncryth chuckled softly. "Essentially, Lord Potter, I feel the need to reward you and help you with your little war. While I am pained that you went to Naruni Enterprises for weapons, I can understand your reasoning. I am prohibited from entering that world thanks to a deal with Lord Emrys, but others of my ilk are not so limited. They would ruin my entertainment."

"We're entertainment?" Harry was having a hard time wrapping his mind around this. Of course the drugs in his system were not helping.

"Oh yes, very entertaining and likely to be more so." Splynncryth chuckled darkly. "Especially, with what I will be gifting you, Harry."

"I am almost afraid to ask, My Lord."

"Ah, such wisdom at a young age. Oh, if only corrupting you would not ruin everything that makes you useful." Splynncryth shrugged with several tentacles. "Well, since you didn't ask, it will be a surprise. Sleep."

Harry tried to ask, he really did. However the moment the Splugorth had said the word he was falling asleep on his feet. Before he passed out he noticed that Daphne was the same way. In moments he was peacefully asleep thanks to a combination of drugs and magic.

"Playing with them this way is almost as much fun as torturing them, and it's less effort." Styphanthal chuckled as he stretched his legs a bit.

"Agreed, it will be even more fun as he tries to puzzle out just what I did." Spynncryth's laugh managed to be creepier than his appearance. "T'Lan, have them taken to my BioWizards. They know what to do."

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><p>It was ten minutes after Nymphadora had arrived via the gate than it reopened and both Harry and Daphne stepped through. They were dressed mostly the same as when everyone last saw them. The sole difference was that Daphne's vibro-sword was replaced with a seemingly silver blade decorated with a distinctive angels theme.<p>

"What the bloody hell happened? It's been ten minutes here, that's over sixty hours there." Susan was the first to speak, mostly because Nym had been busily explaining the world the slaves were now in, with the help of Padma and Parvati.

"We got tagged as the ones who killed Gnarlfax thanks to a witness." Harry scratched the back of his neck not out nervousness, but because of the slight discomfort he had there for the last few hours. "So we were questioned for hours. then given some medical treatment for my malnutrition. See, no longer a specky git." As Harry said that he lifted his shirt to show his slightly enhanced physique. He was still lean, but the muscles were more defined. "Then we were given a reward and dinner. I got all the money I spent back and they gave Daphne that sword. Shame she didn't get to keep the other one."


End file.

Harry Potter, Adventure