Harry Potter 1. Introductions

The Hogwarts staff walked wearily into the staffroom one fine Saturday morning in February. They all knew Dumbledore would be waiting for them. They weren't worried about that, no. They were worried about WHAT he would make them do when they got there. In the past he had made them attempt yoga, break dancing(Severus had actually managed to break his arm...amazing), karaoke, and other embarrassing things. It was all apart of his plan to get the staff to "work together better". So naturally, they were all being very cautious.

Dumbledore: Everyone come in and take a seat. This * he gestures toward a strikingly beautiful blonde with ash-blue eyes* is Mary McDollen. She specializes in getting large groups to work together.

Everyone except Hagrid groans, sighs, huffs, rolls eyes, (and in Poppy's case) takes a headache potion.

Dumbledore glares warningly at everyone to shut them up. Satisfied he gestures for McDollen to speak.

Mary McDollen: Like Professor Dumbledore...*gets cut off by Dumbledore*

Dumbledore: Call me Albus.

At this Mcgonagall looks resentful and rolls her eyes, much to the amusement of Snape.

McDollen: Right! Like _Albus_ said, I'm here to get you people to understand each other better. So, why don't we all make name tags for ourselves. That way I won't get any of your names screwed up.

With that she starts handing out slips of paper and muggle markers.

Minerva rolled her eyes and leaned over to whisper something to Rolanda Hooch.

Mcgonagall: Is she kidding!?! Name tags! What are we four!?! shoots a resentful look at McDollen*

Rolanda looks at Minerva's resentful face, then to where to McDollen and Dumbledore appear to be flirting, then back to Minerva's face. Realization hit her as she bursts out laughing.

McDollen: Ladies, you're supposed to be making your name tags not gossiping. she shoots a glare at both women*

Rolanda falls off her chair laughing while Minerva blushes slightly. Returning McDollen's glare with a little more anger she picks up a marker.

Mcgonagall: *icily* Fine.

McDollen backs off slightly while still glaring at Minerva. She looks around at the rest of the professors. All of them (with the exception of Rolanda who is still on the floor laughing and Severus Snape who has somehow managed to make his name tag say "Hi my name is Severus. I absolutely loathe you.) are looking at either her or Minerva nervously.

McDollen: Why don't we start the first exercise?


	2. Who Done What?

Again, I own nothing. *sob* If I did DUMBLEDORE WOULD NOT BE GAY. So onto the story. CHARGE! (sorry i do get weird)

I changed the style with this chapter. I'm experimenting, I guess.

Chapter Two: Who Done What?

"Our first exercise is called 'Who Done It?"

"I think you mean Who Did it, not Who Done it." Minerva interjected. She was obviously annoyed that this Mary person didn't know proper grammar. How did she ever manage to get her degree?

"No, I'm pretty sure the name of the exercise is Who Done It, not did.

"Are you sure you didn't just get the title wrong? It's a common mistake anyone could have made."

"NO! I did not make a mistake... You know what, why don't we just ignore the title altogether? That sounds fine to me what about you?"

"But," Minerva looked skeptical as she continued " That would be ignoring the problem all together. I don't think that is very wise. Anyone agree?"

"Here here."

"Eye!"

"Serena, what did you just say?"

"Well, when muggles want people to agree, they say 'eye' . "

"Oh."

"Wait," started a confused looking Pomona, " if Mina ig-"

"It's Minerva."

"Right. If Minerva ignores the title, how will she be able to converse with someone about it later?"

By this time, most of the staff were shaking their heads. In Poppy's case, another potion. Mary smacked her forehead looking thoroughly exasperated.

"Can we just get on with the exercise?"

Most of the staff nodded their consent while Pomona was still looking confused.

"Now, everyone will write down on a piece of paper, one outrageous fact about themselves. It doesn't matter what, but it can't be made up. It has to be true."

"Sooo..." Rolanda said, all the while looking very mischievous, "does it have to be outrageous and true, or outrageously true?"

"Ooo! What about true and outrageous, or truly outrageous?" Pomona eagerly offered.

"It just has to be true!" Mary replied handing them index cards and quills. "Just write an unusual fact and true fact about yourself."

"You do realize you just set yourself up right?" Minerva was obviously overjoyed she had caught Mary in her mistake.

"Oh for the love of-"

"What about unusually true or truly-"

"It doesn't matter! Just write down something and hand your card in!"

"Fun-killer..." Rolanda stated looking dejected.

All was quiet except for the quiet scratching of quills, until...

"Why can't we write on parchment? This... card thing is... well, it's weird."

"Pomona, please just write something down and be quiet."

By this time, Mary was looking very tired. Poppy reached over and handed her a headache potion which Mary thankfully took. Patting her arm, Poppy said, "I have a feeling you'll need this."

Once all the cards had been passed in, Mary stood and picked a card. As she read, her face twisted into an unusual expression. "I can curse in five different languages." she read. "Okay... well now everyone has to guess who the person that wrote this is." Scanning the room, Mary looked around for the friendliest face. " Filius, would you like to start?"


	3. Watch Your Mouth!

Chapter Three: Watch Your Mouth!

"Ah, yes. Now I have a list of people who might fit that description. Now," Filius began, taking out a somewhat large list. He was starting to speak again when another voice cut him off.

"Filius, how in the world did you manage to make that list in _two seconds?_" Mary asked, looking quite bewildered.

Filius scanned the room and found almost all of his colleagues staring, save for Minerva and Albus, at him. Minerva was busy glaring at Mary, while Albus was busy gazing at, or rather admiring Minerva. _'One of them really should just admit their feelings or just snog the other senseless.' _

He shook his head and solemnly replied, "I have my ways." He then took out a quill and started crossing out several names.

"I have reached a conclusion," he announced happily. "I believe it is Po- Wait just a second!" he exclaimed, holding up a finger. Quickly reaching for his quill, he began crossing out more names, muttering all the while. "Now, I am positively sure it is Poppy!"

The room became silent, processing this information. A few of the staff members exchanged glances, all of them wondering the same thing.

After what seemed like forever, Severus voiced their thoughts. "Are you off your rocker! You think Poppy can curse in five languages! Never mind that she can't curse at all. She wouldn't eve-"

"Severus, I think you should shut up now." Pomona ordered. She had seen Poppy's reaction to his outburst, and to say the least, Poppy didn't look happy. But before Pomona could shut Severus up, Poppy snapped.

Shouting random curses, some in English, others in foreign languages, she sprang out of her chair and lunged for Severus.

The majority of the staff, most in shock, didn't react. They simply gaped as Poppy began her assault on poor Severus. Many of them laughed when she started hitting him upside the head with a rolled up piece of parchment. However, when she pulled out her wand, several of her fellow co-workers raced over.

It took the combined efforts of Minerva, Albus, and Filius to pull her off Severus, though several boils lined his face and neck.

"Well that was... why don't we move onto the next fact?" Mary asked. Receiving no answer, she picked another piece of paper and began to read.

"I can... Oh dear me! I guess I forgot to mention that the facts have to be appropriate."

Sifting through the papers, she proceeded to pull out five cards. Quickly throwing them in the fire, she pointed and said, " Those, were _not_ appropriate, one of them was very vulgar indeed."

"I resent that!"

"Only you, Rolanda Hooch, would put something that vulgar on an innocent, unsuspecting index card." Minerva said.

"And how, may I ask, do you know what was on that card!"

"You showed me, remember?"

"appfhtefh."

"Ladies, this is a team-building unit, let's stop with the arguing, thank you very much."

"...no comment."

"First of all, don't thank me, since I have no intention of doing what you say. And second of all, if this is a team-building unit, why didn't you say or do something when Poppy launched her attack on Severus? Did you already pick favorites?" An annoyed Hooch asked.

"Because it was too damn funny that's why ." Filius said, earning a scowl from Poppy.

But before Mary could really answer, the door flew open with an exaggerated bang.

"Hey y'all, did' ya miss me?"

Standing in the doorway was none other than Sirius Black.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance