Harry Potter 1. The Smith 9022

Smith 3000

Chapter 1

The Beginning

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. However, Sophie and I own Professor Smith. Only I own the Smith 9022! Enjoy.

       Professor Severus Snape was sitting at the High Table during dinner in the Great Hall. Since his apology to Smith last year, Snape had thought this year would be a calm, non-insane year. Snape had been very wrong.

       In the morning, when Snape entered the Great Hall, Smith had thrown owl feathers at him, and marched around him, singing the national anthem. At lunch, Smith had flung food at him constantly. Now it was dinnertime, and Smith hadn't shown up for the past fifteen minutes.

       When another fifteen minutes had passed, and when Snape was sure that Smith wasn't going to show up, Smith came bursting into the Great Hall. He stopped right in front of Snape, panting.

       "I finished it!" declared Smith, shaking his fist in the air.

       "Finished what?" sighed Snape, rubbing his temples, getting ready for the worst.

       "The Smith 9022!" shouted Smith, jumping up and down.

       "What in the world is the Smith 9022?" groaned Snape.

       "It's only…" Smith leaned in closer to whisper it in Snape's ear. "A time machine!"

       Snape almost spat out his peppermint humbug. Did Smith honestly think he'd fall for that?

       "Yeah, right, Smith," sneered Snape. "Time machines aren't real."

       "Oh, yeah?" said Smith. "Follow meeeeeee!" He grabbed Snape's wrist and dragged him out of the Great Hall.

       "Let me go, you tyrant!" screamed Snape at the top of his lungs.

       "Never!" shouted Smith.

********

       "See? I told you!" said Smith proudly, as he presented the Smith 9022 to Snape.

       Snape had to admit; it certainly looked like a time machine. But that was a matter of opinion. Could it actually work?

       "Want to try it?" grinned Smith joyfully.

       "Um…" Smith was acting very confident. If this thing actually worked…

       "Uh…I want to go to the year 3000," murmured Snape. Suddenly, Smith had hoisted him into the front passenger's seat of the time machine.

       "Buckle your seatbelts!" shouted Smith. Smith buckled his seatbelt, while Snape followed suit. Smith punched in 3000 and swiftly they were coursing through time. Then the machine stopped. Smith and Snape unbuckled their seatbelts and stepped out of the Smith 9022.

A/N: Yes, a very short chapter. Not my best, I'm afraid. Oh, well.


	2. Strangeness

Chapter 2

Strangeness

Disclaimer: Do I really need to go over this again? (sighs) I don't own the Macarena, YMCA, or any of that other stuff.

        When Snape had finally stumbled out of the Smith 9022, Smith was already staring at the new world. Snape glared at him, then looked around too. His jaw dropped.

        Hogwarts was nowhere to be seen.

        Instead, what greeted them were ash, smoke, and stone. Hogwarts, apparently, had been burned down.

        Suddenly, an anxious looking young man came bustling over to them.

        "You guys gotta get out of here, _now_!" said the man, grabbing them both by the wrist and pulling them away from the time machine. "You-Know-Who has taken over the world!"

        "But-but-" stammered Smith. "What about Harry Potter?" 

        "He's been dead for years now," cried the man over the screams "We thought he had killed You-Know-Who, but we were wrong-You-Know-Who was still alive, waiting for Potter to be dead, so he could try to rule the world again…" The man threw them in the back of a van.

**WAIT…HOLD ON A SECOND!**

This isn't right. This is the wrong story! This isn't humor! ::slaps forehead::

**A****-****DUH****!!! Now onto the REAL story… **

When Snape had finally stumbled out of the Smith 9022, Smith was already staring at the new world. Snape glared at him, then looked around too. His jaw dropped.

In front of him was not Hogwarts, but what appeared to be a dance academy.  All around were dancing witches and wizards in snakeskin robes. They were doing these weird dances. Snape recognized some from his past, like the Hustle, and some of his present time ones, like the Macarena, but other than those, he couldn't tell WHAT these people were doing. Smith looked very excited and started to dance with the wizards who were doing the Macarena. He started to sing:

When they dance they call me Macarena 

_Something I don't understand_

_Come join me_

_Dance with me_

_Something something_

_Hi mako hooey _

_Malalee Macarena…_

Everyone in the room was cheering him on as Smith danced like a chimp. Snape, shrugged and decided to join the fellas who were doing YMCA.

But before Snape could get there, Smith cut in and started to sing. 

YMCA It's fun to stay at the 

_YMCA_

_You can get yourself clean_

_You can have a good meal_

_You can do whatever you feel…_

        Snape clenched his teeth and stomped over to the time machine. He was about to punch in the numbers when Smith came saddling over.

       "Dude! What're you doing? Don't you want to stay?" cried Smith over the music.

       "No," said Snape firmly. "I want to go home."

       Smith looked disappointed, but climbed in the Smith 9022 anyway.

       "Home, here we come!" shouted Smith. He punched in the numbers. The time machine flickered. Smith looked confused, and then pushed the buttons again. The engine died completely. 

       "Looks like we're stuck here, buddy!" said Smith, clomping Snape on the back. Smith went back on the dance floor. Snape slumped in his seat.

       _Perfect_, he thought.


	3. Getting Acquanited (spelling?)

Chapter 3

Getting Acquainted

       Snape opened his weary eyes and found himself laying in a tattered bed in the dungeons. Someone was sitting at the side of his bed, staring at him with giant anime eyes. It was one of the witches that was dancing last night. She had wavy brown hair, beautiful blue eyes, and a softly rounded face. She was looking at him curiously.

       Snape sat up, and his hair fell in front of his face…only it didn't feel quite so oily as it usually did. He grabbed some of his hair and felt it. It was still black, but didn't have that nasty greasy feel to it anymore.

       "I washed it last night for you," said the woman, standing up. "Why don't you get up and join us in the Great Hall? Oh, I'm sorry." She extended her hand. "My name's Professor Nancy Renagua. I'm Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." Snape shook her hand nervously.

       "I think you better get dressed." Nancy pointed to the closet. "I'm sorry if our robes don't suit you, but it's all we had at the moments notice." She smiled warmly. Snape felt a chill up his spine, and rubbed his neck.  Nancy was almost out the door when Snape piped up. "Um, what was with the dancing last night?"

       "Oh!" she said, and turned around. "We have a dance every week." Then Nancy walked out of the room.

        Snape shook his head, got up, walked to his closet, opened it and his jaw dropped.

       Inside his closet were the most beautiful Slytherin-based robes he had seen in his entire life. Green and silver, black and silver, black and green…and they were made of the finest silk from China. The robes were brilliantly crafted, and the design was phenomenal. Snape also saw a red and gold dress robe with a high collar, a yellow and black robe with a scruffy neck, and a blue and bronze robe. There was also snakeskin ones similar to the ones he had seen the other night. There were just solid color robes as well. Snape chose solid black silk robes and slipped them on. He brushed his teeth quickly and headed to the Great Hall, where everyone already was, including Smith.

       "Snapey-wapey!" shouted Smith, ready to give him a hug. Snape dodged him quickly and took his seat next to Nancy. 

       "Hello," said Snape awkwardly. He choked back the strange urge to kiss her. To distract himself, he began studying his kiwi.

       "Um…did I just eat a piece of kiwi?" Nancy asked Snape and Smith.

       "Yeah, reckon so," said Smith. "Why?"

       "Um, guys…" said Nancy, starting to turn green. "Uh…I'm allergic to kiwi."

       "Blast!" shouted Smith and shot out of his seat like a bullet. Snape followed suite.

       "We need Madam Pomfrey, stat!" shouted Snape. All the teachers stared at him.

       "What?" asked Snape.

       "Um…who's Madam Pomfrey?" asked a woman professor that Snape didn't know.

       _Oh, yes,_ Snape thought to himself.  _Pomfrey would be dead by now._

       "Um, OK, we need the Hospital Wing person!" shouted Snape.

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: Sorry, guys, I'm just losing my creative juices. Oh, and would you guys PLEASE read and review Run Away?!?! PLEASE?!?!


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Harry Potter, Humor