Vampire Diaries 1. Deja Vu All Over Again

_Elena_

There's a note of it, some lilting sound that isn't the voice she expects now. Expecting him, disregard for her wishes, wanting her. life. Living.

_Do not leave this place Elena you are strong_

Is she? Standing on the brink of life and death and she still doubts herself. Is it her time to die?

_Tonight is not your night to die lovely Elena_

Still isn't able - still can't place it. Voice, she's heard it before. Safe. Hurt. Comfort. Betrayal. All at once, but that's impossible. Can't place the name and the voice but - don't stop.

_There is nothing you cannot do Elena no limitation placed on you but this do not let go the light you may see the darkness encroaching stay here stay with us stay with_

Finish. She tries to open her eyes. To speak. To tell the voice to finish its sentence but the voice won't. It turns her name into a prayer, a psalm, a mantra. Over and over again until even she feels the loss in its meaning. Other voices start up a murmur but she focuses on the voice she doesn't want to stop. Choice. She makes it. Listen. She does. But his prayer, his naming, ends.

_She is in your protection now until the moment she awakes and regains awareness then she is to make her own decisions do you understand me good_

Nice to know that someone is fighting her corner.

'Elena, hey - Elena. You're alright. You're safe. Hey, come on. Wake up.'

This is a voice she can place in a heartbeat. 'Stefan?'

He smiles at her, in that way of his that means 'I'm smiling through necessity, I am a sad soul.' and he sighs, 'Hey. I'm right here. You've been in and out for hours.'

Ugh, her head is literally trying to pound its way dead right now and 'What happened?'

Another sad smile, 'You were in an accident.'

They don't call them accidents anymore, she thinks, they call them road traffic collisions and 'Oh God! Matt, is he - is he'

'Alive?' That's Damon's voice, and he's angry, and sat on the windowseat in the sun looking all growly. 'Ask Stefan. The hero.' Oh the snark in the room.

Healthy eye roll and back to Stefan.

'He's fine.'

And breathe. She remembers Stefan, swimming towards her. Purposefully her, ignoring Matt. Remembers how she shook her head even though the water was pushing against her skin and crushing her. Looks at Stefan.

'Thank you,' oh so much. 'I thought that I - how did you?' Unsaid save me before Damon intervenes.

'Save you?' he glowers at her, and then Stefan. 'He didn't.'

What. Oh they _did no_t. They _didn't._'You didn't!' she checks her wrist, there's a thready pulse there but she's never been good at checking her own pulse so that isn't conclusive proof. 'Am I - am I dead?'

Damon's on his feet and at her side. 'No,' Stefan says while at the same time Damon murmurs, 'You might as well be.'

Sharp look. 'What does that mean, Damon?' she looks to Stefan, who looks easily as uncomfortable as she has ever seen him. Almost as bad as Caroline, when she lies. Narrows her eyes, 'Stefan?'

Stefan closes his eyes and leans back from her. Damon doesn't budge. She looks at both of them, 'What. Happened.'

As she'd guessed, it's Stefan who breaks first. 'I didn't save you, Elena. I did what you asked of me and I'll regret it for the rest of my life if my actions cause any harm to you-'

'Someone else did save you, Elena. Rescue you, help you out. Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, though, and now because of Stefan here you're indebted to him. Which, I don't know about anyone else, I think is an awesome turnout.' Damon's diatribe ends in bitter sarcasm as he looks at her and she's conscious of how feeble, how weak she must seem, still lying here in her bed.

Hang on so 'Who did save me then? And why do you think my being alive is such a bad thing Damon, didn't know you cared so much!'

His eyes grow dark and he leans towards her, anger so evident and directed at her and what's she done?

She didn't choose him. oh. That explains it.

Stefan sighs. 'You're indebted to Elijah, Elena. Damon has every right to be mad at me.'

Elijah?

A giggle escapes her mouth before she can stop it. And then it all just bubbles up and it's like a dam just broke and she's gonna be swimming all the way to the Salvatore's bad books because 'Elijah?' she laughs again. 'Oh my God, Damon. You actually had me worried for a second there.'


	2. On a Smile

She gets two flat what's and a whole load of judging but here's to not caring because they actually had her worried there for no actual reason. She's kind of lost the ability to understand their mistrust of Elijah anymore. It has got to that point. She knows that they may not like the Original all that much but, to be honest, he's actually been slightly more trustworthy than either of them have been to her, especially when it counted. Besides, it's not like he's ever tried to directly kill her, she understands the whole 'trap Elena in a cave with my pyromaniac sister, what do you mean it's not a good idea' thing - he was looking out for his family. Oh wait, Damon's still talking.

'- do you mean? This is a disaster Elena, you owe a life debt to Mr Sassy Original! Where is the silver lining of this looming cloud and _**why are you smiling**_?'

'Because it's Elijah, Damon.' She rolls her eyes and pulls that one really nifty sweater out from her clothes drawer. 'You made it seem like I'd been saved by the devil or something. It's just Elijah,' shivers because 'just Elijah' doesn't work, okay so just does, as in justice and fairness, but just as in belittling - that one doesn't work. 'he would laugh at you if he thought for a second that you fear for my welfare with him.'

'You're still trusting him?' Still Damon, Damon who undaggered the Original once before. Stefan's surprisingly quiet but that is generally how it works.

And she seriously cannot resist, even though she has an inkling of what it will mean to them, she cannot even resist it: 'Always,' she smiles, 'and forever.'

Stefan's head snaps up and he stares at her, mouth going a little slack. 'Where did you hear that phrase?' he asks though he's heard it just as she has from the mouths of various Originals.

'First time I read it, actually.' Has never actually told them, either of them - anyone for that matter - about the letter. Seemed too private at the time, too heartfelt, too raw, to share. She sighs. But she'll have to explain now. Off their looks, 'After the - shenanigans with Rebekah in the caves and the genocide of Vampires, Elijah left a letter for me. Long story short he didn't apologise outright, but he said something about regret' - she knows exactly what he said about regret, she could quote that letter verbatim - 'being Always and Forever.'

Damon makes that little noise of discontent that isn't quite a growl. 'What else did this little love note say?'

'Are you jealous, Damon?' she smiles at him with her teeth, daring him to say something, anything. This happens too often and she knows it, he riles her up, he pushes her buttons and it's only just now that she's started pushing back. Fear of the elder Salvatore has ebbed away and apathy flowed in to replace it. She chose Stefan, and yes, she may be regretting that decision now that they're both alive and well but she chose Stefan. If she switches now, she'll be a liar and a cheat and everything she has never wanted to be. Maybe she's just fickle, maybe she loves too much and too many.

There's a knock on the doorframe and as if by magic, a wild Jeremy appears.

'Jer!' she is well aware that she just squealed but she doesn't care. She almost died, that warrants hugging her brother.

'Are you okay?' He has his hands on her shoulders, staring into her eyes and she smiles.

'I'm fine, Jer. A little out of it, and being berated by Damon,' glares in the direction, 'but I'm good. I'm alive, and that is well worth Damon's invisible consequences.'

Creases form on Jeremy's forehead and it strikes her that he is far too young to have the shadows of them there at all times, he looks from her to the vampires in her room:'What is she talking about?'

Damon throws out his hand, emphatic gesticulations of incredulity and he practically shouts it:'I don't know, she seems to have misplaced her mind!'

Sighs, places her hands on her hips. Elena flicks her hair out of her face,'You know I'm still here right?' They make no move to acknowledge her so she moves to sit on the egde of her bed, brings Jeremy with her - sits him down.

Stefan hums out a sound of resignation, blames himself for something Elena can't bring herself to see as bad, but he explains, bluntly: 'Elena is only alive now, Jeremy, because an Original saved her life.'

Jer looks at her, then Damon and then back to Stefan. 'But Elena was - an Original made Matt drive off the bridge in the first place. Why would an Original save her? Hang on, no - which Original was it?'

Elena loves her brother more dearly than she has loved anyone since the death of her parents, perhaps as dearly as she loves the departed Jenna. He is strong, stronger than he ought to be - than he should need to be. If he says what she thinks he might, when his question is answered, she will come to realise how perceptive he has become.

Damon narrows his eyes, grits out: 'Elijah.'

And Jeremy smiles, 'that makes sense.' Damon and Stefan glare at him but Elena's heart surges with pride when he meets their eyes without flinching. 'It's like he said, he could've killed Elena but he didn't. He doesn't want hybrids, letting Rebekah kill Elena in the cave would have solved at least one of his problems but he didn't and then he came to us with a deal that he'd keep Elena safe.'

Elena smiles and looks from her beautiful baby brother, to the vampires who scowl at them both. 'Elijah has been running for the better part of his entire life, he had the chance to stop running. He had the chance to settle down - but he gave that up so that I could live out my natural life.'

'You're trusting Originals now?' Damon's wide hands are back. Stefan shruggs again.

If Jeremy can look the two in the eyes and tell it like it so can she say whatever she wants to them and she wants to know: 'Did he skip town? After - did he leave?' wants to kick herself at the weakness, the stumbling over words she wants to say and words she needs to say. Steels herself and looks Stefan in the eye. 'Is Elijah still in Mystic Falls?'

It comes as no surprise to her that Stefan has the audacity to sigh as if she is at fault for asking this, as if she should not have the ability to thank the man to whom she owes her life. 'If he is, he will be at Mikaelson Manor.'

She stands up, her hand which had been in Jeremy's sliding out. She touches Stefan, lightly, on the shoulder. 'Thank you, Stefan. Thank you for doing what I asked and saving Matt, it must have hurt you but I'm not sorry.' She turns to Damon, sees him advancing on her and holds out a hand to stop him, keep him and arms length even though he could easily break every limb she has. 'I am going to thank Elijah, Damon. I would appreciate it if you would let me-'

He twists away from her hand and brings her arm up behind her back, tension springs and she gasps. This is the last time he will do this to her. She brings her other elbow sharp into contact with the soft skin and muscle beneath his ribcage. His knee-jerk reaction is to let her go. She whirls on him, bearing down. She's human fury and mortal fire.

She smiles at him. 'You'll always protect me Damon, I know that. But I've told you once before that your caring might just be the problem.' She sighs. 'I want to thank him, he's not going to hurt me. I don't want a chaperone, okay? Just - just let me do this. I'll come back.'

The strength that had come from knowing that Elijah has saved her is leaving her, a weariness resets itself into her bones. She turns to Jeremy, 'Would you mind?'

Damon sneers, 'I thought you didn't want a chaperone, Elena.'

She smiles at her brother. 'Jeremy isn't my chaperone. I thought he might want to help me thank the man who saved his sisters life.'

Stefan stands and walks over to Damon. He walks his brother to the door. He pauses at her shoulder and says, quietly, 'Vampires are not men, Elena. We are monsters.'

'Not all of you,' she murmurs as they leave, Stefan's hands around the neck of Damon who is fighting him every step. She turns from them and to Jeremy. 'Give me a sec, Jer. Gotta get dressed, God I look like a mess - how long was I out?'

Jeremy laughs, 'Just a day. You've been in and out for hours though, really groggy - Elena. They didn't tell you and you didn't ask but there's something you should know before you thank Elijah.'

'What, Jer?'

'Alaric died, he came to me to say goodbye, and his life was bound to yours.' He looks at her, pity only barely there in his eyes. 'You died, Elena. You died with vampire blood in your system, and - It was a miracle what Elijah did. He brought you back from death before the vampire blood could turn you.'

She's suddenly sitting on her bed again and she doesn't remember getting there, must have collapsed. Her head hurts. 'I died? Vampire blood in my - what?' She brings a hand to her head. 'What happened Jeremy?'

He sits next to her and hands her something, a glass of water and a pill. 'It's tylenol. Should help with the headache.' He starts to bring her in for, hugs her, arms around her shoulders and she steels herself again. There is no need to cry now. She is alive, Matt is alive. She is so sick of crying, been crying since her parents died. She wants to smile, wants to laugh, wants to be happy again. She starts by hugging her brother back.

Then she gives him a smile. 'Elijah the miracle worker, hey?'

'Yeah, I wasn't there, Elena. So I don't know but while you were out they were talking about what had happened and I heard - well I think Elijah healed you with his blood, I mean - the blood of an Original vampire has gotta be a little stronger than that of any normal one, right?'

'Wow.' She doesn't really know what else to say to that. 'Wow wow wow. I mean, he offered his blood to heal me once and I stabbed him for his trouble.' She giggles - _giggles_- and smiles again, she's smiling now and she wants it to stay.

Jer notices. 'You're smiling. A minute ago you looked about to cry-' She puts a finger to his lips.

'Shush.' She gives him an impish smile. 'You'll spoil my groove. Now get out of here while I change.' Pushes him out and shuts the door.

In her heart she knows that this touch and go happiness will be brought down about her. She knows that it won't last, not in this Mystic Falls she finds herself in now. In being alive now she sees the blood on her hands. It's Alaric's blood, it's John's, it's Jenna's, it's so many people who have died for her. She feels for all of them, everyone. She feels even for silent, regal Finn and devoted, wise Sage.

As she pulls on the clothes that mark another day she lets one tear fall for every death she has ever witnessed, brought about or failed to stop. Then she stops. Wipes the water from her skin, applies faint makeup to the darkness around her eyes and the hollows in her cheeks. She pulls her hair up in a simple braid, not wanting to be like they are - always the same - with Katherine (Katerina) out of town she can change her hair without suspicion.

Change her hair, change her mind. She smiles at the mirror and thanks the spirits of the dead for all the good they have done to make the world the way it is.

'Elena, you okay in there?'

Right, yes. Jeremy and Elijah.

Elena Gilbert picks up a jacket and slips on some shoes.

Onward.

'Jer - d'you think we should call first? Or just hope that he's there?'

Jeremy smirks and puts his arm around her shoulders, warm and human just like she is. 'Do you have a number for him?'

'Nope.' She laughs. 'I guess we're just going out on a prayer, Jer.'

Yes, she thinks. For a long time now they've been relying on what they believe and what they've heard, rumors and some facts. It has been a long time since anyone has truly done anything on a smile.

'I'll drive.'


End file.

Vampire Diaries, Romance, Supernatural