Naruto 1. Friday the 13th

**ZOMG, SASUKE-TEME! It's like, Friday the 13th. Isn't that, like, _unlucky_? I betcha that you, like, can't get Sakura to, like, fall for you today! In which Naruto and Ino trade the way the talk by a jutsu from Tsunade, and Sasuke gets uberly pissed at him and Sakura. [SasuSaku] MINOR NARUSAKU (...don't flame me, I think it's cute Dx) AND SAISAKU.**

* * *

A grown ninja of seventeen years old casually walked, slightly slumped, to the training ground. Her short

pink hair flew behind her slightly.

"It's Friday the 13th today, and Valentine's day tomorrow," she mused, looking at the Halloween decorations people put up to scare little children.

On the other side, smart, smart Kiba dressed up as a dog (with Akamaru!) and held a pillow case to collect candy.

"Trick or--NUUU!" he shrieked girlishly as a skeleton popped up and bitch-slapped him 'cross the face.

Sakura winced, but kept walking to the training fields where her team-members awaited her.

* * *

"HEY! SASUKE-TEME!" Naruto shouted.

Sai winced.

"Dickless, ya have to be so loud?"

Naruto scrunched up his face.

"SHUT UP, SAI-TEME! YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THE OTHER TEME!"

Sasuke sighed.

"Stop yelling, dobe."

Sai went over to Sasuke and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I feel horrible for you."

"Hn."

"That's "thanks" for Sasuke-language," Sakura said, coming up to the three men, all eighteen years of age.

"SAKURA-CHANNNZ!" Naruto shrieked, running up to the slightly shorter girl and flinging his arms around her, causing her to lose her balance and fall on the ground, with Naruto still on top of her in a rather...odd position.

"Happy Friday the 13th, Naruto," she smiled painfully while trying to get the happy boy with ADHD off of her.

"ITS NOT HAPPY! IT'S UNLUCKY!" he cried out, pulling her up.

"That's a superstition, _dobe_," Sasuke muttered.

"NO IT'S NOT! ON THE WAY HERE, KIBA GOT HIT BY A SKELETON! I SAW! I SAW--"

Sai went up to Sakura.

"Ugly."

"Son of a Bitch," she retorted.

His expression softened.

"Sorry. I kind of...er, I wanted to know--"

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up at Sai.

"Here," he said, thrusting a bouquet of roses into her hands, along with a box of her favorite chocolates with strawberry filling (...so he stalked her once in a while. Who the hell cares?)

She gaped at him.

"S-Sai? F-For me?" she asked, sounding much like Hinata.

He shuffled uncomfortably.

She smiled at him.

"Thanks."

There was a silence while Naruto was like "ZOMG WTF HAPPENED. TELL MEHZ. Dx" Yet silently quiet.

"Well, I'll be training with them now-" he began, breaking the silence.

Without thinking, she kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you again," she smiled.

And right there, Sai smirked.

"No problem, ugly."

She grinned.

"Haha. I'll let you off the hook today."

Naruto fell to the ground and sobbed.

"SEE, TEME?! FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH HATES ME! YOU KNOW?!" He punched the ground with anime tears streaming down his poor, cute, foxy face.

"Hn."

**Lmfao.**

_Who the fuck are you?_

**Your inner, duh, but this isn't one of those fucking stories where people are like "WHO IS THIS?! Your inner. YOU LIKE HER =O! No I don't. Yes you do! etc." chick flicks. (No offense to those people who wrote one Dx NO OFFENSE.)**

_...Aah._

**I'm LOLing at the dobe. He's so fucking obsessed trying to bang her. He should go with that Hinata girl, she's cute for him.**

_...I don't know who you're talking about._

**...She'd be a horrible pairing for us (NO OFFENSE SASUHINA FANS.)**

_Exactly._

"Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked. "Are you okay?"

Suddenly a pain went across his cheek.

"HEY! TEME! SAKURA-CHAN IS TALKING TO YOU!"

She laughed at Naruto.

"You're so funny, Naruto," she grinned, white teeth showing.

* * *

**NOO. I HAVE TO STOP HERE BECAUSE I G2G SLEEP Dx**

**But I wanted to finish today...TT^TT**

Oh well. IT'LL FINISH ON...VALENTINE'S DAY! =O

Happy unlucky Friday the 13th!


	2. Valentine's Day

**Hope you had a LUCKY Friday the 13th! I sure as hell didn't...=P**

**Be prepared for next month~ TT^TT**

* * *

"Neh, neh, Sakura-chan! You really think I'm funny, neh?" Naruto asked, scrunching up his face.

"Shut up, dobe," Sasuke muttered.

Naruto snickered.

"You're just _jealous _because Sakura-chan didn't give **YOU **a Valentine, teme," he guffawed, a finger pointing at him repeatedly.

Sasuke turned pink.

"I am _not _jealous."

"Yes you are," Sai interrupted.

"Hn. No." he retorted.

"THE OTHER TEME IS RIGHT!" Naruto sneered, wanting the message would get through Sasuke.

Sakura, on the other hand, backed away slowly, hoping no one would notice. It was hard when you had a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates behind your back.

Sasuke punched Naruto.

"Shut up, dobe," he spat.

Sakura gaped.

"Don't _hurt _him, Sasuke-kun," she screamed.

"Hn." he turned away and walked toward the forest.

Sai helped Naruto up.

"This is the only time I'm doing this for you, Dickless," he muttered under his breath, hoping Sakura was looking at him for his good deed.

However, she was still staring at Sasuke in the distance.

"I'll be back," she muttered to her team, gently putting down her gifts on the grass.

* * *

"Stupid...dobe, trying to--" Sasuke muttered under his breath, occasionally kicking a rock with such force that it hit a trunk and caused several trees to topple as easily as dominoes.

By the time Sakura caught up to him, they were in the middle of the forest.

"What the _hell _was going on in your mind?!" she screeched at him, shaking his shoulders.

Very un-Sakura-like.

His face remained the same, even after many shakes which could've broken his neck.

"Hn." he got out of her grip and walked away from her.

"DON'T YOU--UCHIHA SASUKE, COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

And, of course, he ignored her.

"What's your problem? Take that fucking stick out of your ass, and go shove it up Neji's or something," she screamed.

Ooh. That hit a nerve.

"Shut up. You're annoying."

And Sakura had twice as many nerves "hit."

"You're an egotistical bastard, Sasuke."

She pulled his collar, so that he came with her.

"But I love you," she said, tightening the grip on the clothing and kissing him sternly.

His eyes widened slightly, yet his hormones kicked in (mwhaha. =D) and he pinned her to a tree, holding her so that her legs were on either side of him.

"S-Sasuke-kun," she moaned, his tongue slipping in her mouth.

"You're _mine, _Sakura, you got it? Not Naruto's, not Sai's, no, you're _Uchiha Sasuke's," _he said forcefully, her feet now on the ground, so that his hands were through her soft pink hair, while the other was on her waist, gripping her towards him.

"But what if--" she acted innocently.

"**Mine.**" he snarled, grabbing her chin and slamming his lips onto her bruised ones, his cold hand traveling up under her warm shirt.

And it was then when Naruto, Sai, and Kakashi walked in on the scene.

* * *

Sakura was sitting on the fields, Sasuke by her side, looking at the ground with her face as pink as her hair.

She fiddled with the ends of her skirt while Naruto, Sai, and Kakashi started bombarding Sasuke with "I HATE YOU, TEME!" or "Good job, Sasuke! You finally took my advice!" or "FUCK YOU, UCHIHA."

"Hn," he replied to all of them, holding Sakura by the waist and forcing her onto his lap.

She turned even redder.

"S-Sasuke-kun? Not here!" she whispered sternly, trying to pry his arms off of her waist.

Naruto screeched something inaudible, and tried to kill Sasuke with his uber-smexy 9 tailed fox spirit demon crap.

Sai drew a picture of him decapitating the Uchiha.

Kakashi pulled out his cell phone (I mean, _all _ninjas have to have cell phones!) and called Jiraiya.

"Hey, JJ, you mind doin' me a favor, homie?" Kakashi said in his uber-awesome-gangsta voice, yo.

"Yeah, wazzup KK?" a voice came from the phone.

"I need ya to..."

Meanwhile, Sasuke was stealing poor Sakura's virginity on the grass, while Naruto and Sai were busy crying their hearts out and thinking of ways to kill Sasuke and make Sakura for their own.

What the hell is Kakashi planning?

* * *

**THE NEXT DAY...**

Sakura linked her arm with Sasuke, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Hn," he'd say, kissing her forehead whenever his fangirls came by.

They, along with Naruto and Sai, started a "Kill Sakura/Sasuke club" and planned several ways, none of which worked.

Then Sasuke stopped frozen.

"Kakashi..." he snarled through his teeth, grabbing his katana and was ready to hunt down the poor man.

Sasuke rushed in through the store door (rhyme...x3) and soon blood was spurting out of the store like a volcano.

What was on the billboard was...

"NEW! ICHA ICHA SASUSAKU PARADISE!"

Sakura fainted.

* * *

Kakashi was eagerly rifling through the new books, looking at explicit pictures of Sasuke and Sakura.

Little did he know that was what happened last night.

"KAKASHI!" a voice came from behind.

Before he knew it poor Kakashi had a bright red sword through his chest.

"I love you too Sasu-cakes," he croaked out.

Then Harry Potter came and magically saved Kakashi from an untimely death.

Word.

* * *

**GAHH. ITS DONE.**

**I WILL UPDATE MOPB ASAP. But still. It sucks balls. Literally. It's so shitty, I can't believe that WSIC? was such a great hit. But thanks. x3 I LOVE YOU ALL. IDEAS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED!**


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Naruto, Humor, Romance