Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

**June 25th 2002 - 2:02 pm**

It is hot. I mean really hot. The sun is beating down on all of England mercilessly as if judging us all for our sins. The moment my foot stepped outside my house it felt like I jumped in a pool with my clothes on. Still I went to work, saved some people, went back home, left to end up at the same bar I always went to. It is routine now that the regulars at the very bar no longer pay me any attention. I think I like alcohol too much. A little too much for Hermione at least since she is making me write in this journal every day. Though truthfully I neglected to write for three months which didn't work so well when I got caught this morning. There are a few things in this world you don't want to face and one of them is an angry Hermione.

Now here I am locked in my room like a school kid forced to write in this journal. Though I can't say it's the worst thing in the world to happen to me but still writing down how I feel and what I do for the day isn't what I consider to be fun. Hermione argues that if I write in it enough it will become habit. It's going to be a while before I change but I guess getting everything off my chest is a good place to start.

So who am I? My name is Harry James Potter. To the world I am their savior, to my friends I am a hero, to my enemies I am nothing more then half-blood scum but to me I am just Harry. Nothing more, nothing less. I will confess though that I am a large pile of emotion that if I don't get it together will one day consume me; I fear it. I run from it the only way I know how, other then obliviating myself, drowning myself in alcohol.

**June 25th 2002 - 5:24 pm**

I hate the world. Well not everyone in it just those that won't leave me the fuck alone. I know I destroyed Voldemort! I know I saved all the wizarding world! I know I am the strongest wizard alive! But that doesn't make me super human! I can't be in so many places at once! I can't save everyone! Why does everyone blindly blame me for every disaster that happens! How can I be to blame? I try so hard to save people and THIS is how they repay me by...by...thinking that I am a tool to be used instead of a person who deserves peace and quiet?

Why is it that every death that happens people stare at disgust at me like it was all my fault, like I was the one who conjured the curse, like I was the one to torture, like I was the one to kidnap! Nothing is right with this picture! I just don't understand! Don't they understand that I lost people too? That if I could I would have done anything to save them? If I was capable of it all then Fred, Snape, Moody, Collin, Lavender, Dumbledore, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and so many more people who I cared for would still be alive! WHY IS IT MY FAULT THAT THERE IS EVIL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!

I don't want to be the savior anymore.

I don't want to be the boy-who-lived. Twice.

I just want to be Harry. I want to be me. _Sob. _

**June 28th 2002 - 3:00 am**

I don't know what got into me today. Or actually for that matter what got into Draco Malfoy. Here I was sitting in my regular spot in the back of the pub minding my own business to see my former rival tip toe in looking around fearfully before spotting me in the back. I almost shrank away as he approached me swiftly and taking a seat in front of me like he owned the place. Like we were friends forever. What does he expect? I just smile and wave and let him just do as he pleases? No way! Well maybe since I didn't tell him to go...I was kind of getting tired of sitting alone and drowning in alcohol. I needed an escape and if Draco Malfoy was it I wasn't going to let the opportunity pass.

"Wasn't expecting you here, Potter," Draco growled taking a jug of beer that Frank, the owner, placed in front of him.

"Well that is stupid thing to say Malfoy coming from you," I retort watching as Malfoy's perfect eyebrows raise in question at me, "I mean isn't this place a little run down for you?"

"I needed a change of venue," Malfoy sighed taking a big jug from the bear.

"Why?" I asked.

"None of your business, Potter," Malfoy spat a little harsher then he used too meaning I was trudging a little too close to home.

"Okay fine," I sigh, "what is it you want to talk about Malfoy?"

"Nothing," he said blinking in surprise.

"There has to be something for you to sit in front of me," I press, "we never really saw eye to eye last time we met remember?"

"We were kids Potter," Malfoy spoke softly, "I have changed since my school days thank you very much, it seems like you haven't. Plus, I don't like sitting alone and your face was the only one familiar in this crowd."

That was it. All our conversation. We just sat in front of each other drinking until Frank decided we both had enough. It's a good thing Frank is my friend because I think I would have died a long time ago due to alcohol abuse. Though seeing Malfoy's face was funny and kind of cute. He looked like a kid surprised to see his favorite toy taken away from him. Looked like a true lost pup. At the moment I could have kissed him. Wait. Scratch that. Me kiss Malfoy? Ugh, no. I am straight! Just because Ginny and I decided to see where the flow takes us doesn't mean I am into men!

I think writing is making me think weird.

**June 29th 2002 - 4:00 pm**

Got locked up again when I told Hermione I was done writing in this sodding journal but of course she would not hear it. Though secretly I escaped through my window and left to the pub I always frequented. To my surprise though Malfoy was sitting there staring at his half empty glass of beer wishing itself to refill. It would if you finished it and shook the glass but I guess he was waiting for me to continue. I was about to leave but somehow I found myself sitting in front of him instead.

"Malfoy," I nod before picking up my own beer.

"Potter," Malfoy nods back.

"How can I be of service?" I say smiling a bit.

"Pansy thinks I shouldn't go drink alone but I told her I found a drinking partner," Malfoy said looking down again, "sorry to use you as an excuse."

"It's...it's fine I guess," I say, "takes the mind off things that you don't want to talk about when your around someone your not really comfortable with."

"We could be friends you know," Malfoy still looked at the wooden table as if it was the most interesting thing here. I could tell from the look of him that he needed a friend, well a different kind of friend then the ones he had anyway. He looked smaller and more fragile then ever. His hair was a bit messy and there were bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in a long time. It seemed like Malfoy's heath was deteriorating and the hero-complex, as Malfoy likes to call it, came screaming for me to help him.

"I would like that," I say without thinking making Malfoy pick up his head at a speed I never knew possible.

"Thank you."

And that was all. because the next thing I knew he was gone.

**July 4th 2002 - 12:00 am **

It has been awhile. I know. Don't hat me though! I just can't seem to wrap my head around Malfoy. I told him we could be friends yet he refused to show up at the pub again until today. And let me tell you he didn't look pleased to be there. As if he was forced to come. Probably Parkinson's idea. Maybe Malfoy wasn't expecting me to say yes to his offer of friendship. Maybe he wished I said no. But I can't let him go on like this and possibly he might become my new obsession. Well better then alcohol if you ask me.

Our meeting went a little like this:

"Potter," Malfoy said checking me out. Yes, checking me out how else do you explain the eyes traveling all over my body?

"Malfoy," I replied and gave him a small smile to reassure him that our newly found friendship hasn't dissipated yet.

"May I sit?" He asked me taking me by surprise.

"You never asked before," I pointed out.

"I know, that was very rude of me to force my self on you," Malfoy gave me a tight nod.

"If I really cared I would have gotten up and left instead of sitting here everyday waiting for you to show up," I say letting my frustration out a bit. I could see Malfoy open and close his mouth before he took a seat in front of me.

And to the drinking we went without another word uttered between us.

**July 6th 2002 - 1:08 am **

I decided. I am going to make Malfoy my new project. I want to know what makes him tick. I want to know what makes him laugh. I want to know what makes him mad. I want to know everything that is Draco Malfoy. I hope Hermione doesn't read this. As far the Weasleys are concerned Malfoy is dead to them and seeing me even bothering to give Malfoy a second glance would make them all furious. Most of them haven't gotten over the role he played in the war. I just think he was a confused boy who was taught since birth to follow in his father's footsteps. In my head I think Malfoy almost has it worse then all of us. I mean you got to be a little messed up from having the Dark Lord living in your house along with all those messed up people. It does something to your head.

So this journal is both my hub for gathering information and my planner to help Malfoy. I don't know why but that boy is going to get the Gryffindor experience whether he asked for it or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**July 7th, 2002 **

Today was a bit different. Instead of Malfoy showing up there was someone else sitting in front of me. Some one more feminine. Though I think my eyes are betraying me because I can't believe she sat there for an hour talking to me like I cared for a gossip update. It took every ounce of me not to slap Pansy Parkinson in the face. I also felt angry but not at Parkinson but at Malfoy. I felt betrayed. This was our thing. Our spot. Our thing. Now it was tainted. How could he allow Parkinson to come here? How could he do this to me? I feel betrayed and to get revenge I am going to make Malfoy drown. Not drown in water though, drown in something else entirely.

I guess my Slytherin side is coming out a bit and I am ready for it. This little debacle with Parkinson has placed Malfoy permanently on my radar. I will tear him apart and put him back together. Beware Malfoy because you are about to see red.

**July 9th, 2002**

I might have over reacted. A bit. I mean I can't explain why I reacted the way I did but I guess all is forgiven. Yesterday Malfoy came trudging in apologizing profusely for allowing Parkinson to come instead of him. He thought that since he couldn't make it and didn't want me to be alone that he would send Parkinson. Of all people to send why her? Then I said he could have just sent Blaise Zabini instead which kind of hit a cord with Malfoy because he got up and left without another word. What happened between Zabini and Malfoy?

I will wait for him to tell me. I may be a jerk sometimes but I am not an asshole.

**July 11th, 2002**

Malfoy came today and it was my turn to apologize. Though I wasn't as dramatic as him I still gave a few rounds of apologetics before Malfoy told me to stop. He brought with him his own wine and glasses this time and asked me to come to the Manor. At first I was going to refuse but he assured me that it looks nothing like it did during the war. Guess the old set up scared him as much as it did me. With a heavy sigh I went.

Have I ever told you how beautiful the Malfoy Manor's rose garden is? Well I will tell you now it is gorgeous. The place is hand cared for by Mrs. Malfoy and were sold at high prices to those who seek out such rare flowers. I can tell you I would pay every dime to own a few. The roses were blue but there is a gorgeous catch to the them that make them stand out above all other flowers, they glowed neon blue at night. It was like a muggle glow stick but in a shape of a rose. One flower does some magic but a garden full does wonders.

Of course I gawked for an hour before Malfoy practically dragged me to the table in the middle of the beautiful garden and sat me down. He was polite as he described the flowers but the more he spoke the more happy and passionate he looked.

"How did you guys get them to glow like this?" I asked.

"Experimenting with different kind of potions and adding them to the water supply," Malfoy answered before quickly assuring me that none of the potions would directly harm the plants in anyway.

"I think they are exquisite," I said.

"Thank you," he blushes. I could see him smile a bit which made my heart swell in pride. The blonde almost never smiled.

**July 12th, 2002 **

Ron told me Hermione's pregnant. It was awesome news really it was but I felt a little fire of jealousy because I longed for what they had, a family. I mean I know the Weasleys treat me like one of their own but it's nothing like having your own flesh and blood. At least for the moment I will settle for being a godfather. Hermione hopes it's a girl, Ron wants a boy, me on the other I could care less I would spoil them anyway.

I was so excited about the news that I apparated to the pub an hour early and gushed about the pregnancy to anyone who would listen. Some would think that I was having the baby! By the time Malfoy came in the whole pub was singing with me as we sent our congrats to Ron and Hermione. He blinked. I guess he wasn't used to so much excitement and so much noise at once. I smiled at him pulling him into a hug. Gosh he was so confused. I laughed as I shoved a jug of beer into his hands and pressed him to take a swing.

We all consumed so much beer that Frank had to close down the bar for the night.

**July 13th, 2002 **

Ginny was back and clingy as hell. I don't remember her being so stuck on me like she is now. She was the one to say we should go our separate ways now all she wants is to get into my pants. I know I am a virgin but that doesn't mean I want to get laid as soon as possible. Last I checked she didn't even bother waiting for me to experience the realm of sex. It got so bad Ron grabbed me and suggested we go visit the guys for some ice cream.

He acted like it was all planned out but when we got to the Leaky Cauldron we just stumbled upon Neville and forced him to come along. It was strange. We haven't been together for a long time and never just the three of us but it was refreshing. After getting ice cream we visited George which opened my eyes to a whole new Neville. I have never seen Neville be so flamboyant and flirty in all the years I have known him but he was and George seemed to enjoy it. Ron and I got lost in the shuffle so we left the two alone and continued down Diagon Alley.

I miss the time when it was just the two of us and I loved every minute of it.

**July 14th, 2002 **

I can't imagine what Malfoy could be thinking about when he came through the door of the pub and came straight at me with his wand pointing right at me. I blinked not really understanding why he was so angry. I got up and reached for him but the moment my hand made contact with his wrist he screeched and pulled back grabbing his wrist as if I burnt it.

"What is your problem Malfoy?" I say trying to step closer but he moved back so fast he tripped over a chair and fell to the floor. Again I tried helping him up but he just smacked my hand away.

"Stay away from me," Malfoy screamed looking like he was about to cry. The more I looked at him the more I realized he was looked nothing like the put together Malfoy I knew. His hair was a mess, his eyes were puffy, and his body was shaking. What happened?

"What happened Malfoy?" I press forcing him to look me in the eye.

"I could ask you the same question!" He yelled at me as he finally began to cry.

"Huh?" I blundered staring at him in confusion.

"How could you vandalize my office? How destroy all my potions setting me back years not just months! You think this is child's play? I felt your magic when I entered the shop!" Malfoy yelled hitting me in the chest ineffectively as he screamed every word.

"Vandalize? Destroy? I...I would never!" I gasp pulling Malfoy into a forced hug. He seemed he needed comfort and I wanted to give it to him.

"Don't lie to me," Malfoy growled pushing me away.

"What do I have to gain by ruining your shop?" I say sitting down taking a big swing of fire whiskey.

"I felt your magic," Malfoy grumbled.

"I put a spell on your shop to alert me when you first came in so I could talk to you about a potion I need," I grumble a bit embarrassed, "but I want to help you get back all you lost. I am shit at potions but if you guide me through it I can brew some at the same time to make things work twice as fast. Also I will put an investigation up so we can track down who did this to your shop and put them through trail."

"I...I would appreciate it," Malfoy said finally calming down and taking a seat in front of me. We didn't talk much more about it for the rest of the night but when the idea set in that someone ruined Malfoy's hard work set a fire of anger in me that I didn't feel since Voldemort.

**July 15th, 2002 **

The scene between Ginny and Malfoy wasn't a pretty one. It was not my fault and Ginny was acting like an outright bitch. Though what caught me off guard was the way Malfoy reacted. I expected him to be more snobbish and arrogant and not let it get to him but instead he was a crying mess which made me lose my temper and the whole situation went to shit.

I met Malfoy in front of our pub at two in the afternoon to help him get him on his way again but before we could ever get there Ginny showed up in front of us demanding Malfoy to fuck off. It was a scene that I hate to replay but I want to document everything so I don't hold anything in.

"What the fuck are you doing to Harry Malfoy?" Ginny stormed at me her face as red as her hair.

"Nothing," Malfoy whispered.

"Don't lie to me," Ginny hissed as she came close to his face, "you drugged Harry with one of your potions didn't you?"

"For your information I don't sell that kind of stuff at my shop I think it is degrading and if they want to have them they could go else where," Malfoy answered back but the usual snobby confidence that I loved, which I would never tell him, wasn't there.

"Yeah right," Ginny snorted, "come on Harry you don't need to be with this low life."

"He isn't a low life Ginny," I growl stepping between Malfoy and her.

"You don't know what your saying Harry he obviously has got you under something," Ginny shrugged pulling my arm to walk with her. I shoved her away glaring at her and turned around to find a balling Malfoy.

"Coward resulted to using fake tears now?" Ginny asked with a voice colder then ice.

"Take that back Ginny," I growl warningly.

"I will not take back what is the truth," Ginny stood up straighter as if demanding I refute her.

"You don't know what real fear is. I mean you do understand loss because of Fred's death but terror is something you have no clue about. I know for a fact Ginevra that you would not have lasted a day in the manor like he did," I growl.

"Don't call me Ginevra," she screeched.

"Then don't insult my friend," I yell back.

"He isn't your friend! He is just trying to whore-" SMACK. Yes I slapped a girl. We were all in a state of shock at what just happened but I didn't seem to care in the least.

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and all I did in response was stare coldly back. A bitch deserves a cold shoulder. When she realized I wasn't going to give she just apparated away.


	3. Chapter 3

**July 16th, 2002**

Ron wasn't happy. Nor was Mrs. Weasley and I get it but still I wasn't going to stand by and let her insult a crying man just to make herself feel better or righteous. I kept my distance hanging around George and helping in the shop since Ron refused to come in. Ron was being childish but that is always how he deals with the situation which always pissed me off but I wasn't going to allow him to win by me going over and apologizing for a well deserved slap.

"So Malfoy, huh?" George winked.

"I have no idea what you mean," I answer wearily as I put that last box on the shelf.

"I know you know what I mean," George laughed smacking me on the back.

"I don't have time for this George I'm not into Malfoy like that," I sigh as I put my coat on to head over to Malfoy's shop to help him out.

"Yeah, yeah, okay but when you decide to make your move I will help," George waved me away still not believing me. I wasn't sure I believed me but I am NOT going deeper into that.

**July 17th, 2002**

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

My mind cannot wrap around Malfoy. I mean I tried and tried and tried to get inside his head but he refuses to let me in. So, I decided to let him in instead. It is a stupid idea and if Hermione and Ron knew about what I told Malfoy they would be furious. I told him everything including things I never told my two best friends. He knows me now more then I know him. He just listened and listened and listened and when I was done I was a crying mess and he stood up from his stool in the lab and wrapped his arms around me like a mother to a child and held me until I stopped crying. Malfoy broke my walls. I was supposed to save him yet he saved me.

I need to repay the man that held me together for longer then I remember.

When has this journal writing become so serious?

**July 18th, 2002**

Malfoy was wearing the same outfit Snape used to wear. He looked at me before looking down at the ground as if he was exposing something he doesn't really show other people. I realized that those were Snape's robes. I realized he probably wears them when he misses his godfather. I realized I was the first person to see him wearing the outfit at all.

"They look good on you Malfoy," I complimented with a smile.

"Draco," Malfoy began looking at me with desperate eyes as if he needed me to accept him which is ridiculous because I already did.

"You look great Draco," I repeated my compliment as I pick up a flask and stood next to him to help him with his potion. He threw me a small smile which brightened up my day entirely. He hasn't looked so content in all the last few weeks I have been with him.

Today was the first day that I felt that I wished I accepted his friendship all those years ago. But I guess I can't go back in time and stop it I can only become his friend now.

**July 19th, 2002**

Hermione and Ron came over today uninvited halting me from going to help Draco, yes I started to call him that since yesterday it seemed to come easy now like it was meant to happen, and forced me to stay at home claiming they needed to talk to me about what happened a few days ago.

"Guys I really can't stay," I tried to reach the floo only to be blocked by Hermione.

"And where do you have to go that is so important?" Hermione shot at me and I flinched. I didn't want them to know about Draco because all they would do is bad mouth him about bullshit he did when he was a kid.

"You're not my mother Hermione and nor are you my problem fixer so I don't need you to intervene every time Ron and I have a fight," I growl trying to move around her again.

"We all need to talk about this Harry," she argued stepping towards me.

"It is none of your business where I go and when and next time if you want a serious talk tell me beforehand so I can free that time for you. I have a life outside of the great golden trio you know," I shot back before heading towards the door instead.

"Oh so you would rather hang out with the Death Eater then us," Ron growled finally speaking up.

"Look who found his own voice instead of using his wife to talk to me," I said sarcastically turning around to give him a sarcastic look of astonishment, "also at the moment, yes I do prefer hanging out with Draco then with you. And don't ever call him a Death Eater again Ronald Weasley because he didn't want to be one as much as I didn't want to be the fucking Chosen One."

"Harry-" Hermione tried but stopped when Harry raised his hand.

"You either tell me what you want to say in short or come back another time. I promised Draco I would help him reset up his shop that was destroyed because someone thought it was funny to mess with a man's life work," I glare waiting for her to make a decision.

"Make a choice," Ron spoke up again, "us or him."

I walked out of my apartment apparating away to Draco's Potion Emporium making the action my choice.

**July 20th, 2002**

Draco came over today after we finished the last batch of nutrient potion for kids. I was generally pleased to see the community ask if they could order basic potions if they were ready since they thought Draco was a great Potions Master. They kept genuinely coming by and offering to help and that he had their business once he opened his store once again. Draco always looked so surprised at the fact that people actually liked his work which showed how much he humbled himself over the years.

"Your apartment is a mess," Draco stated as he went around cleaning up a few broken pieces.

"Yeah lets just say I had to change my wards and floo connection to stop Ron from entering my place," I answered with a shrug making Draco turn to me with a raised eyebrow.

"Why would your best friend do that?" Draco asked which I noticed held no menace at all. Draco didn't even bother calling Ron a Weasel when at the moment I would totally agree with him.

"He made me decide you or him and it is kind of obvious who I chose," I shrugged.

"Don't lose him because of me Po-Harry," Draco always struggled to say my first name but always fixed himself.

"It wasn't because of you in particular I mean if I friended Parkinson, which I never will, he would have acted the same way. He couldn't see why Ginny was wrong and that I had no right to slap her when she took her insults too far. I mean he even ditched his own brother when his brother needed him to help manage the shop," Harry defended his choice standing up straighter.

"Still you guys always worked it out," Draco started, "believe me you would wish that you never lost him when he actually lost him for good."

"Draco," I began softly, "Ron has made his choice and hasn't been a loyal friend since we were seventeen. Every time we fought he would never allow himself to see that he might be wrong and I had to be the one to apologize. I shouldn't have to chase after him to be my friend I should expect him to be there and stand by my side without thinking about it. Ron wasn't like that I never knew if he had my back and he only had it if it was convenient to him. I mean I told you shit I never and will never talk tell him because I don't trust him to keep it, I don't trust him to understand and I don't trust him if he will be willing to accept it.

Draco don't ever think that you were the reason my friendship with Ron is falling apart. It was tearing at the seams for six years."

"I...thank you," was all he said as he went back to cleaning the apartment as payment for my help in the potions lab. With a smile I began to help pick up my mess and begin fresh once again.

Times like this I wished I let the sorting hat place me in Slytherin.


End file.

Harry Potter, Hurt-Comfort, Romance