Naruto 1. Chapter 1

**Sorry guys. Here's another omake. I really wanted to do chapter three of "My HHighschool Girlfriend' this week but it's a very - might I stress - VERY importapter that me, being a perfectionist must get right. So I've redone it again. **

**Okay, the rundown, Hidan-bashing, slight ItaDei moment, slight PeinXKonan moment, language, and I don't own Naruto but I want to hug Kisame. Thanks for reading! Please enjoy and I'll finish the second chapter. This is just a short story and it** is** _another_ omake for 'Konan On Top - An Akatsuki Story' and is a sequel to 'Just Another Day With the Akatsuki'.**

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><p>Somehow a cutely pouting, sobbing masked man had convinced Konan to leave. She wasn't sure how, but it made her cheeks flush with annoyance and embarrassment. That Uchiha and his evil ploys!<p>

Well any ways, that wasn't the worst of it. Not only did he convince her to go out with him for the day - as a cover of course! Konan would **NEVER** date an idiot like Tobi, would she? - he had also convinced her to go to Konohagakure with him. Konan could not hate this man any more than she did now, but either way, she was going to look nice.

This whole event actually began a few weeks ago after Konan had recovered from being ill. Obito was sitting there babysitting her the _entire_ time like a mother hen. He seemed to be in deep thought about something and had sprung the question on her nervously. Of course, Konan was too shocked to say anything at first but after a few moments and a very flushed face - worrying the raven even more to where he annoyingly glom onto her - she rejected him. Correspondingly, Obito sat there hugging her and crying very realistic tears until she gave in to avoid the agonizing embarrassment. It wouldn't have been a problem in private but nearly all of the Akatsuki was there: Hidan, Kisame, Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara. They all mocked and laughed at her - well except Itachi who has about as much facial expression as a rock and Sasori who just wanted everyone to shut up. Oh kami, one day, ONE DAY Obito Uchiha, you WILL get yours, just not today.

So Konan had dressed in her white sundress with blue tattoo roses and a pair of grayish-blue slippers. Her hair was all pulled up into a bun on the top-back of her head and she had two tiny pale blue origami roses decorating the band that held it in place. She put on a light brushing of matching pale lavender eye shadow and a bit of eyeliner and examined herself in the mirror. She wanted to look passable as a civilian or a tourist, but maybe she was trying too hard. Was this all on Obito's account? No! She refused to believe that; she just wanted to look good. She left her room and headed down the hallway.

As soon she stepped into the common room, she suddenly had everyone's attention. She faintly blushed and measured each of their reactions. Kakuzu just looked on probably hoping that Konan didn't spend too much buying the outfit with company funds, considering all she owned were shinobi-issued attire and gear; Hidan was eyeing her perversely and grinning at her; Kisame smiled at her and chuckled heartily; Itachi scanned her for a moment, smirked, and went back to reading; Deidara glared holes into her for a moment before returning to drawing or writing something in a charred leather book; Sasori just stole a glance and returned to dismantling something's head (although it was preferable not to pay attention to that); Leader's eyes widened in horror; and another raven-haired man in the room just looked on in awe.

"Holy fucking Jashin, Konan! We can actually see your tits now! You're fucking hot for a stuck up bitch", Hidan yelled, even though yelling REALLY wasn't necessary.

Before Konan could respond to his 'stuck-up bitch' comment, Kisame cut in. "You look beautiful; I'll have to take you on a date sometime", he said with a wink. "Now tell me, why are you all dressed up poppet?"

Okay, Konan wasn't sure how to take that comment either, considering a poppet was more like a voodoo doll.

Konan blushed more noticeably.

"She's going on a mission to Konohagakure", Kakuzu put in, still glancing over her. "That better not have been over 200 ryo", he said looking straight into Konan's eyes with deadly, inhuman green ones. 'Cheapskate.'

(A/N: Okay guys, one dollar is like ten ryo so technically, he's telling her that she had only $20 to spend on her entire outfit. I spend maybe $15 whenever I buy a dress at Wally world and maybe $22 on shoes. Do the math!)

Konan sweatdropped. "I spent 198, Kakuzu", she answered cautiously. The older, stitched up man glowered at her before nodding in approval.

Next, Deidara's comment.

"I like your shoes and your hair, un", the blond said in a bored, annoyed manner.

Hidan jumped up. "What the fucking hell, man! She's wearing a dress that shows almost _**ALL**_ the goods and you just say her shoes are fucking pretty?! I didn't even notice she was wearing anything else! I was too busy undressing her with my eyes", he snapped at the blond.

The teen jumped up, "Well not all of us are womanizing assholes like you, hmm!"

Hidan crossed his arms and frowned raising an eyebrow and completely facing Konan again as he spoke to the blond. Oh my Jashin, he was going to say something intelligent! This will NOT end well! "Of all the men here, we all look at women. We all know that you do not. It could be because you're a kid-"

"I'M NOT A KID, UN!"

"Shut the fuck up, you sissy boy pipsqueak! I'm fucking talking and I sound smart." Hidan screamed before proceeding to clear his throat, "As I was saying, I think you're a fag and you stalk Itachi even though you", air quotations, "'hate him'."

Everyone looked at the boy. It was true that not every man would notice a woman's shoes, but was what Hidan said really true? I mean, everyone has heard rumors about Sasori and Itachi, but was it even possible for the puppet to feel lust, or the Sharingan-wielder to be passionate to a lover?

Outside of 'La-La Land', Deidara was on Hidan's chest pounded the living daylights out of him and gathering up explosive chakra to finish the albino off. No one seemed to care, but they were all watching the fight scene."

"Deidara", the dark icy voice of Pein broke through Deidara's and Hidan's commotion, "if you splatter that idiots brains, you're cleaning it up and putting him back together. I don't need a layer of stupidity christening my living room."

Hidan coughed up blood and threw the teen off roughly, knocking him into Itachi's knees. His face landing right on the raven's thighs and his knees knocked the wind out of him when he landed. "Fuck you, 'Leader'", the albino hissed propping himself up on his elbows.

Pein didn't even look at the Jashinist, he only held up his left hand and said, "**SHIRA TENSEI**!" The albino flew into the wall behind him and left a huge indent on the once pristine, daffodil yellow paint. Inside Konan cheered. Finally they could repaint it!

"Konan", the Akatsuki leader said, "I do NOT approve of this, _abomination_. I demand that you abort this mission and retire for the day." His purple, lifeless eyes stared into her.

"I'm not a little girl anymore Nagato. I am a kunoichi and a student of Jiraiya-sensei; a _legendary_ sannin. I can do it", Konan smiled warm-heartedly and reassuringly at the ginger.

He nodded and stormed out of the room, with malicious intent. It was sweet that he was concerned but they had come a long way since their run-in with Hanzo and Danzo, but there was something... off. Maybe he knew more about the mission than he was letting her know?

Okay, so that left Itachi, Sasori, and the sexy mystery man that everyone seemed to forget about. (A/N: Don't lie! I bet you did too! No sexy mystery man hugs for you!)

Konan looked to the puppeteer, "Sasori? Your thoughts?"

The puppet man looked at her with tired eyes and set his tool down for a moment to glower at her and examine her. He threaded his fingers together under his chin as he sat at the coffee table in front of the couch where Kisame and Kakuzu sat.

"Hmm, your form would be inspirational to create a new puppet for myself", he said in his plain monotone.

Konan ruffled the redhead's soft hair, "You're so sweet Sasori! You're absolutely my favorite of the Akatsuki!"

Sasori glowered at her, subtly trying to hide his smile before returning back to his puppet.

"Konan-chan", the familiar spiky-haired raven pouted. Great Madara-on-earth! Mr. Smexy-ninja was Obito using "Henge no jutsu" to fit in!

At that moment Deidara - with a slight nosebleed - jumped up and began yelling, "How come when I make art it's 'No Deidara, un! You'll break stuff and kill people, un', but when Danna does it you all, 'Aww! He's so cute!, un? I'm cute too damn it, un!"

The man now recognized as Obito snickered and input a very cruel statement, but somewhat endearing, "But senpai, you're pretty like a girl, not cute."

Deidara had murder written in his azure eyes until Itachi just simply said, "Dei-da-ra." Okay, I swear to Kami, to Amaretsu, Susano'o, Jashin, Pein, and Madara, those two are a couple, or at least banging or SOMETHING!

The blond turned and pouted, glaring at Itachi who ignored the teen entirely.

"Er, moving on", Konan said nervously, "Itachi?"

The Uchiha looked from the blond and scanned down Konan's body. "Hn."

"Hn? Is that... all you..." Hidan coughed, "can fucking.,. say?"

"Where you born an idiot or was it beat into you", Kakuzu said watching the albino drop off the wall and onto the floor.

Kisame laughed. "You guys are almost as entertaining as celebrity television", Kisame said.

"Hey fish stick! We already damn well ARE celebrities", Hidan snapped headed over to Konan and slinging his toned, muscular, sweaty arm over her shoulder.

Kisame frowned and Konan's aura turned dark as she badass-taijutsu-papercut-no-jutsu-bitch-kicked Hidan in his manly bits. He ruined the dress! It was justified! Really!

Konan smiled at Kisame, "Technically, he's right."

Kisame just grinned toothily.

Obito cleared his throat. "Are we done here, Konan-chan", the elder Uchiha asked softly while making a few brief hand signs.

Konan nodded and light flashed before her as they entered some sort of vortex. Her stomach felt queasy and the air was stale and cold until almost an eternity later she was losing her balance. What would she do? It's not like she had a jutsu prepared for a roughly thirty story drop. Was she going to die?!

"**KYAAAAAAA**!"


	2. Chapter 2

Konan's whole life flashed before her amber eyes and for some reason, her chakra didn't even register. She had long ago accepted that she'd join her beloved Yahiko and her selfless sensei, Jiraiya in the grave, but before she fell too far, she felt strong arms grip her and yank her up onto a foothold and into a hug. She buried her face in her savior's chest, fisting the soft material, hoping she was still alive and out of danger.

A reassuring hand stroked her back, "Shh. It's okay Konan-chan, I got you."

Konan looked up and opened her eyes to see one black and one red eye looking down at her, worriedly. His eyes. He has two! (He must have '_borrowed_' one. Eww! Don't even think about that kind of thing!)

"You need to be careful, Konan-chan. Your chakra hasn't bounced back from the trans-universal traveling, but when it does, it won't be very pleasant", he said softly.

Konan was grateful that her companion had rescued her. He smelled like sakura blossoms, herbal tea, and dewy earth at dawn. She wanted to bury her face into his black shirt. He was as soft as a calico kitten. Oh kami, the urge to snuggle him was BAD!

_'No way girl! Just back up from the cuddly man-candy! It's a genjutsu! Why else would the demented toilet bowl look like a character from a Shoujo manga?_'

Inner Konan was right. Wait, 'Inner Konan'? Did she become a goth version of Sakura in this world or something?

Konan pushed away and put some distance between herself and the Uchiha while still keeping a grip on his upper arm, which was ripped and deliciously muscular... _'Damn it! Stop drooling Konan! Girl, what's wrong with you?!_'

The bluette cleared her throat and refused to meet Obito's currently mismatched eyes. "Obito, where are we", she asked softly as she looked around her surroundings. It vaguely looked like the Konoha she remembered, but there was something _odd_. She couldn't put her finger on it.

He purred in amusement. "Look behind you, Konan-chan", he breathed softly, apparently he was in awe of whatever it was so she turned to steal a glance and her breath caught leaving her lost for words.

It was the monument of all the previous Hokage: Hashirama Senju, Tobirama Senju, Hiruzen Sarutobi, and a man she did not expect to see. Instead of the five-pointed star-shaped hairstyle with a square jaw and miniscule muttonchops-mustache combo of Kizashi Haruno, there was a more effeminate, angular jaw, spiky chaotic hair, and a bold stare. Minato Namikaze.

Her amber eyes were locked onto Hokage Mountain and all she could get past her lips was a murmured, "_This isn't real_."

Obito chuckled, "It is. I brought you here on purpose too."

_'That idiot! He's going to screw up the whole series! If Kakashi sees us we're screwed - so SCREWED!_'

Wait, where was the fifth Hokage? Where was Tsunade?

"What time period are we in", Konan asked desperately. Maybe if she was far back enough in time, she could meet the man of her dreams, Kakashi Hatake. Of course, she '_did_' meet him before in her world, but he was an idiot because his personality was changed like almost everyone else's in her world. Meeting Kakashi just didn't seem as charming or stimulating unless it was the lazy, drawn-back masked man.

Obito seemed to be counting up numbers in his head and calculating their position. "Well, I'd say we're here before little Naru even becomes a genin, but that's just a rough guesstimate of course", he answered while looking around cautiously.

That wasn't a good answer. It better not be around the time of the Kyuubi attack! If it was, Obito could run into his former self in this world and cause a time paradox!

_Too much brain. Such hurt! Wow!_

"Obito", Konan hissed glaring up at him and crinkling her nose.

He patted her embarrassingly on the head. "Don't worry; I know exactly where _'I'_ am", he stated reassuringly and Konan knew it held a deeper meaning than that. From the way he said it, he somehow knew where this world's 'Obito' was too.

The longer they stood there gazing at Hokage Mountain the more imminent danger Konan knew they'd be in. Even if he did know where the '_real_' Obito was doesn't mean they'd be safe, because that just meant '_he_' knew where '_they_' were too! _Shit!_

Obito rubbed the back of his head, "Well, we should get going! We still have a mission to complete of course!" As soon as he said that, he scooped Konan up bridal-style and leapt off the building, into an alleyway.

Konan struggled away and got on her feet. _'Whatever this 'mission' entails, it better be pretty damn important, otherwise I'm kicking sexy Uchiha ass!_'

Obito led the way out to the sight of a bustling street. People were everywhere and Konan could smell the mouthwatering scent of ramen with naruto cakes down the street. She hustled over to Obito and hummed happily in reverence.

"Ichiraku Ramen", she stated mindlessly, completely oblivious to her partner and her objective.

He smiled at the bluette. "You are such a fangirl, Konan-chan", he chuckled as she peeped out around the corner.

She pulled back and gave him a death glare, "Don't make me kick your ass, Tobi!"

Obito just shot her a smoldering smile that said 'you-wouldn't-harm-a-face-like-this-I'm-too-pretty'.

Konan just glared back heatedly with 'I-will-give-you-papercuts-in-places-you-never-knew-you-had'.

Obito sweatdropped and cleared his throat before offering Konan his hand, "Shall we begin our mission, Konan-chan?"

_NO MORE SHOUJO! Damn it! Stop being sexy and seductive!_

Konan just walked past him. "Let's just go", she grumbled.

Obito stuck out his bottom lip and pouted - not that Konan _noticed_ because she totally didn't! She swears! (_Ha! Rejected!)_ As Konan started to get further away, he began jogging after her, "Hey hang on! Wait!"

Konan stopped; the spiky-haired Uchiha however, didn't. Obito collided into the goth kunoichi at full speed, knocking her to the ground on her face.

In a barely audible voice, the kunoichi growled, "You have three seconds before I KILL YOU."

He stiffened and sensing her dark aura disperse like nobody's business, leaving the blue-haired girl in the dirt. She began to get up when she felt someone help tug her up.

"Are you okay", a familiar male voice asked.

She instantly began brushing off her clothes. "Tobi if that's you, you're in for a wor-" Konan stopped mid-sentence as she gazed upon her savior and all of a sudden she wanted to scream excitedly, jump up and down, and stab Hidan all in one! _'OH MY GOD! How lucky could you get?! This guy! Oh my KAMI! Bless you Kami!_'

"Tobi?"

"Er, yeah", Konan said chuckling nervously before she gathered her wits. "He's a friend of mine. I'm", _Girl, do NOT say Konan_, "Kohana." She nodded in a shallow bow.

"Hatake Kakashi", he answered sliding his book back into a pocket.

Konan's fangirl eyes focused on it, "Is that 'Come Come Paradise'? Her amber eyes lit up. He was the '_real_', '_authentic_' Kakashi and he was reading part of her late sensei's work!

Kakashi curiously slid the book back out, "Why yes, it looks as if it is." He sounded suspicious of her already. _'Crap!_'

Konan had to think of something real quick; most women don't get excited over a man reading porno, well, maybe they do but that's more like angry rather than excited as they beat them down and call them perverts. She definitely couldn't tell him that _the_ Jiraiya was her sensei. She could say she knew him though.

Kakashi was still watching her with curious fascination.

"I'm familiar with Jiraiya-sensei's work", Konan answered his unspoken question.

"Meh, that's interesting", Kakashi replied, not really concerned, "Tell me about your friend. I'm guessing you two aren't from around here?"

Konan just smiled. She still couldn't feel her chakra so it was unlikely he thought she was an enemy. "Heh heh, no. I'm a tourist from", don't mention Amegakure, "from the capital."

Kakashi nodded. "I see. What about your friend? I'd like to meet this 'Tobi' person."

Did he recognize Obito's chakra? He had to have been using a small burst of it to catch up with her, from how painfully hard he collided into her.

"He's really shy", Konan answered. It _was_ partially true because he tended to wear a mask around his comrades. "He usually wears a mask, kind of like you." _'I slipped up!_'

Kakashi didn't seem amused. "Ah, I see."

Konan knew he wasn't buying it so she nervously played with a frayed thread on her dress-skirt. He was definitely up to something.

"Meh... my students can wait a little while longer. I can help you look for your friend, since you aren't from around here", he opened his book and began to stalk off. Konan just watched him leave until he stopped and shot back with a sigh, "Are you coming?"

Konan caught up to him and followed maybe half a step behind. It would be disastrous if Kakashi were to meet Obito, but to avoid suspicion she had to go along with it and pray to Jashin, and Pein, and Madara even, that he had the common sense to stay away. By coincidence, this also gave Konan more time to check out the gray-haired ninja as he led her down through several different streets. It might not be such a bad day after all.

**MEANWHILE...**

Obito breathed out a sigh of relief. "Damn that was close! One second longer and I would've been done for, and so would the mission! How the hell could I have made a rookie mistake like that?' He buried his face in his palm.

This mission was indeed important and would decide the fate of his world, and maybe this one as well. He had neglected to tell Konan the mission's true objective and instead had told her it was to gather information to help strengthen the shinobi of their world since most were far inferior to the Naruto world's ninja. But no, his true objective was to retrieve a certain item he had destroyed in his own world; a time-space jutsu that allowed the user to see different future scenarios, because whether he liked it or not, Orochimaru and Danzo had teamed up and if the Uchiha's suspicions were correct, they were up to no good!

Kami save him since the only man that had that scroll was this world's greatest villain: himself.


End file.

Naruto, Adventure, Parody