Harry Potter Dear Umbridge,

Round 6

Drag, Freedom, I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't.

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Dear Madam Undersecretary Professor Dolores Jane Umbridge,

This letter is written for you by the students of the excellent educational institution, Hogwarts, which you are so wonderfully dedicated to. Just like you are dedicated to your kitties and the pink color, which inspires us, the students, so much that girls no longer wear pink and not a single student here can see kittens without thinking about you. You are such a great inspiration to us, that your female students are afraid to wear pink, like kittens, or both, because they are afraid to become you.

Madam, you are surely a great influence on this school. The school has definitely changed since the day you became headmistress; students no longer smile in Hogwarts, everyone in the institute feel a certain unity that is influenced by you, the entire school is depressed and tortured (sometimes by your presence only). All thanks to you.

We had to practice our writing skills a few times before writing this letter to you, Madam, because you are certainly a world wonder. What we mean is, who would have thought that the story about the old lady with the thousands of cats, no love life, or a social life at all, would be true? On top of that, you have so many pink clothes and things in general. You are truly a _living legend_. But we don't blame you, Madam, because it is not your fault that no one can be as good as the wonderful creature which you are. (We should stop the compliments now, we don't want to seem too _toady,_ right? It is truly how young ladies and gentlemen should behave.)

The only problem is that we are not the perfect definition of young ladies and gentleman, are we? Then we shouldn't suck up to you. We shouldn't lie to you, we heard your opinion about lying after having a chat with Harry and, in general, we find it much easier to tell the truth than to lie. _We must not tell lies_, correct? Here is the truth-

We deeply believe that you are the Queen of bitches, a title which you can definitely add to your resume. It is practically a fact. Either way, no one here likes you, not a single person besides Filch, which we personally don't see as such a big achievement. Now is the part that you object and say that the Slytherin students are your allies, or that they like you, but we have to disappoint you. Most of the Slytherin students can't stand you, we bet that even Pansy Parkinson, a name that is supposed to be familiar to you, stopped wearing pink after meeting you.

But what about your dearest Draco Malfoy and his friends? We are sorry to disappoint you again. Draco Malfoy is only running around you like a puppy (or should we say _kitten_?), because his father is a git that brainwashed his own child into stupidity. Draco wants a headmaster that he can suck up to and the way that you treat him encourages him to stay around you. He and his friends don't like you. People don't like you, but that is probably alright because you only want us to be frightened of you.

Let's stop talking about Draco, we are sure that you know enough about him without our help. You are probably wondering what is the purpose of this letter, right? We are sorry to waste such a beautiful pink paper, but the only reason for this letter is to tell you the truth about your own institute. We think that it might be called 'the ugly truth'.

The truth is that we want to drag you out of your sick office out into the hall. While a few students will stay there to destroy everything that is pink, or similar to it, and break every stupid plate that is hanging there with kitties on it (we are completely against animal abuse), you will be dragged into the middle of an angry mob. We are pretty sure that then, the only one to object what is happening will be Flinch, because in matter of need, we will take care of Draco.

Coming back to you- We plan to choke you until a slight loss of consciousness and while all you will be seeing is black, we will drag you down to see all of the rules you made Filch hang. You will be very interested in how many of them there are, as we will take every single one and use it to hit you in the head, or hit you in general since we fear that too many will be hitting your head. Of course we won't allow you to leave us without another souvenir, like turning your clothes black. Then, you will be allowed to leave Hogwarts, yet you shouldn't be surprised if you will turn into a decent firework show, considering your sympathy towards them.

And years from now, we will remember this wonderful experience with a smile on our faces. We can dream. Actually, dreaming must be against your beliefs, when it comes to your dearest students, so you can think of all of it as a very _interesting_ and _educational_ story.

See, Madam, the problem is that even though evilness causes fear and a twisted feeling of respect, we want **freedom**, a word which doesn't seem to be included in your vocabulary. Maybe you can use that quill and try to write 'freedom causes real respect', or anything of that kind (we can make you a list of offers if you would like), to help you understand that word, freedom, because after Harry used it we all seem to understand perfectly that we must not lie.

Eventually, we hope you are enjoying your presence in this unique institution. We will do _whatever it takes_ to make you feel welcomed and comfortable here.

With great love,

Students and teachers of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor