Naruto Euphemisms

Hello, lovely, lovely readers! This silly little drabble-ish two-shot popped into my head while I was proofing the 3rd chapter of my multi-chap Sasusaku fic, Sparkle Kids-which you should read. NAO. (please? I'll luff you forever.)

I hope you enjoy reading about Sasuke getting the heck embarrassed out of him as much as I enjoy writing about it ;)

Also, if you leave me a review, I will DANCE with HAPPINESS. No really. Tell me what you think because I'm holding the conclusion chapter hostage. (squeeeeeee!)

-Scylla

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STORY INFO

Title: Euphemisms

Pairing: Sasusaku

Chapters: 2!

Genre: Romance/Humor

Summary: Sasuke gets jealous over a cookie. Seriously.

Rating: T, for teh cursing.

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"Language is the source of misunderstandings-"

-Antoine de Saint-Exupury

"-which is proof positive that people should just shut up and maaaake ouuuuuut."

-GhostfaceScylla

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Insert [EUPHAMISM] Here

Sasuke Uchiha hated many, many things (sweet desserts, creepy snake dudes, people with shrill voices, ect, ect, ect), but perhaps crowded bars were among his top annoyances. So when the Dobe showed up on his front porch yelling about how he was a deprived hermit ever since he made his "glorious return to Konoha courtesy of the Legendary Naruto Uzumaki", you better believe that he put up a good fist fight. Nevertheless, he was summarily dragged out of his confortable, _quiet_ house (with such haste that he barely had time to kick off those embarrassing bunny slippers that the pink-haired kunoichi had given him) to this almost-stripper-joint surrounded by buffoons he was _sure_ he had left behind in his academy days.

Good thing he had amazingly selective hearing. Currently, he was meditating, and nothing in the world that any of these losers said in their inebriated haze was going to break his concentration.

"Yeah, Sakura's Kisses are the best!"

Wait. Whozza-what?

"Come _again_?"

* * *

it had been years since Inazuka Kiba had been caught in the cross-hairs of Sasuke Uchiha's legendary angry stare, and it was, unfortunately, just as uncomfortable as he remembered (time changes all men, except for the emo-psycho-kids). Although, in the past, the reason that he had flared Sasuke-bitch's anger had always been readily apparent.

Now, he was just _confused_.

"Um…I said that Sakura's Kisses are the best. What? Why are your nostrils flaring?"

Akamaru growled under Kiba's hat as Sasuke-bitch perceptibly twitched.

"How about you say that for me _one more time._"

"Ohhh...kay." He started to rise from his seat. "Why are your _nos_-"

Just when Kiba thought that he and Sasuke were about to start flipping some tables and getting down to business, Neji Hyuuga entered the fray-

"Although she can be quite a bother, even I would have to admit that her Kisses are the best in Konohagakure. They taste like Toffee, I believe."

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He was no longer meditating. Correction: he was no longer _able_ to meditate. Fuck. That idiot Hyuuga's declaration had started a war of sorts about the true flavor and character of the Pink One's kisses and, _for some reason_, the thought of it all was making him see red. Some little primitive part of him was jumping up and down in his brain going, "Mine Mine Mine Mine Mine!"

"Toffee, I tell you!"

Mine!

"Ugly's Kisses have always tasted like caramel to me."

MineMine!

"Troublesome. They taste like almond."

MineMineMine!

"_No,_ Shikamaru, they only taste like almond when she's in a certain mood!"

"Keh. Didn't know you were such a connoisseur, Neji."

"However, you are incorrect, Neji-san! Sakura-san's precious Kisses are honey-flavored! I am the true connoisseur of her Kisses overflowing with the bounty of her Youth!"

MINEMINEMINEMINE. I swear to God, if he's touched any part of the "bounty of her youth", I'll-

"Oh-ho-ho! My apprentice's Kisses are the _best_, aren't they? I'll take the credit for teaching her everything she knows. And you're all wrong. They taste like cinnamon."

"Cinnamon? More like ginger."

"Wanna _bet_, Kakashi?"

MINEMINEMINEMINE-Oh come _ON_. This was getting ridiculous. Kakashi and that Hokage woman had just been strolling by their table when they interjected the current visual image that had Sasuke three steps away from taking his former Sensei out. And a _woman_? Not that he had anything against women on women, per se….but, did the Pink girl just swing every which way? More importantly, was there _anyone_in this damn bar that she hadn't kissed?

"Ginger? Maybe, sometimes….But Tsunade-Baa-chan's totally off. Sakura-chan's Kisses taste like chocolate dattebayo!"

If he had counted on anyone, in the entire population of Konoha, to _not_ make out with Sakura Haruno while he was away doing dark and scary things in pursuit of his nebulous Revenge, it was his (begrudgingly admitted) best friend.

Et _tu,_ Brute?

Naruto-dobe's shocking confession was the limit of what Sasuke could stomach. He stood abruptly, knocking the table with his knees and causing the glasses to tinkle together. The chatter stilled as all eyes turned on Sasuke-and then immediately turned to the ground, mumbled whipsers of "kai!" following, upon seeing his pupils swirl.

Only Naruto-Dobe was stupid enough (or _brave_ enough…the two are often conflated) to remain cheery, amiably inquiring as to the status of the Dark Avenger's condition as follows: "Whatcha doin', Sasu-cakes?"

"I am going to hear Sakura deny that she has _ever_ let any of you second-rate ninjas near her lips, and then I'll be back kick your _asses._" A pause. "And _don't_ _call me that!"_

He pushed aside tables, chairs, and some drunk blonde chicks at the bar who tried to put their goodies all over him with an unceremonious grunt, (notice how he doesn't differentiate between chairs and _girls_, classy fellow) not bothering to catch the door as the wind slammed it shut with a death knell thud.

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"Huh?" Naruto quirked an eyebrow. "Lips? What's Teme talking abo-Oh. OH. OH MY GOD HE THINKS I'VE….LIKE…KI-"

"Don't strain your brain, Naruto." Shikamaru, who had caught on about fifteen seconds into the original conversation, patted the Dobe on the head, and strained to be heard over Kiba's raucous laughter. "Plus, if you say it out loud, Neji might pass out."

It was true, Neji wasn't looking good _at all._ The color was absolutely gone from his face (even more than usual) and he seemed to be positively trembling from the very thought of any makeout sessions between himself and the Pink Ninja. "Whiskey! More Whiskey! NOW!" He devolved into barely audible mumbling, " I-I _just_ like her COOKIES! As if _my_ lips have ever been on that-that-that-that-_plebian_!"

"I have read that such sexually charged misunderstandings are plot-device staples of "shoujo manga", often leading to heightened sexual tension and so-called "moe" moments between characters. Shouldn't someone warn Ugly of the "Shoujo manga" situation about to arrive on her doorstep?"

The boys fidgeted. The look on their faces rang something like this: "Sure, someone should…probably…just not, you know…..me. because, well, that's a lot of work."

A pause. Then:

"Did I not say MORE WHISKY?"

And _that_ was the answer to that.

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Cheyah! Resolution in chapter 2-

press that review button, my dears, and I shall provide.

luff

-Scylla


End file.

Naruto, Humor, Romance