Hunter X Hunter 1. The Ancestral House

Standard disclaimers applied.

Some characters are slightly OC.

A. Note: This is my first attempt in HxH fic. So, if you have any comments, suggestions, violent reactions (..ulk! Yes, flames are accepted- but they should be reasonable), pls. let me know- in other words, pls. review. They do help me a lot.

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**mulysA **ll** Asylum**

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By: _reizefeitan___

**Preface**

_Few weeks ago in a city, far, far away… Leorio successfully found the antique house of his ancestors (with the help of his friends, of course). That house contains hidden treasures that made Leorio's dream— to be rich so he could pursue his study and successfully become a doctor— come true even after finding only a few of such treasures. _

_He owed such prosperous luck to his friends' help, so he invited them to join a contest in his ancestral house to show his gratitude. The prize?…_

_TAN—tan—nan—NAN!!_

A Triple X Hunter Card!

_That card would certainly enhance a hunter's skills. This card would really be beneficial to Gon, Killua, and Kurapika, and it's up to the 3 of them who would be able to get it. Those who would lose wouldn't go back home empty-handed for there would be some consolation prizes [A/N: which, I think, is doubtful.] . Ok, enough with this blah, blahs…on to the story!! ._

**I. The Ancestral House**

It was a bleak and cold night. The moon hanging in the sky slightly illuminated the house of Leorio's ancestors. The said house was constructed alongside a cliff. It had some cracks on its walls already, and handfuls of dry leaves piled on its dusty floor. The dead trees around, the bats fluttering and flitting in an erratic course, and the eerie shadows added up in creating a very bizarre atmosphere.

Gon, Killua and Kurapika were standing at the gate, stunned.

"Th..this is it?!!" Killua's eyes popped out.

"#13…Everglade Street…York Shin City…Well, I think so." Gon replied after having a hard time reading the address on a paper for the xth time.

"What is it again?" asked Kurapika.

"_Grr..it's not easy to read using the moonlight you know!" _Gon read the address again.

"Well, I guess this is it." said Kurapika after double-checking the gate's number and the street.

"Are both of you really sure?" Killua gave that 'look' to the house in front of them. He didn't expect Leorio to be 'that' weird after all.

"Umm…Maybe?..eheheh." replied Gon. "This is the only house in this street anyway." he continued.

"_We want to be skillful hunters, Leorio, not ghost fighters." _ thought Killua.

Certainly, there were 'ghosts' in that antiquated house. But they didn't go there for them. They were after the Triple X Hunter Card, which would be Leorio's reward to the one who could pass the challenges there.

Gon, Killua and Kurapika opened the gate and proceeded. When they reached the front door, they saw a note. It read:

_If you're a hunter-wanna-be_

_The blue capsules, thou must first see_

_Which bear clues where the card could be_

_So enter now, I challenge thee._

And so they entered, as the front door automatically opened.

((A horror music coming from an organ was then played.))

Inside the house, it was all dark except at the entrance where they were standing now. The only light there came from a small bulb at the ceiling, right on top of their heads.

"Killua, are you ok?" Gon asked as he noticed Killua turning paler.

"…"


	2. Gathering

Standard disclaimers applied.

Some characters are slightly OC.

A. Note: Btw, here's a 'legend' to avoid confusion:

                        _Italics _– words in this format means **thoughts**

                        _ -- _words enclosed in asterisks means **action**

((-- words enclosed in these means **sound effects**

That's all. Happy reading !

II. The Gathering 

"SCARED, Killua?" asked a low voice.

 "Who's that?!" Gon gasped. Kurapika and Killua looked around and readied their selves.

"Yo guys, it's me!" a creature suddenly came out of the shadows and revealed its self.

"Franken…I mean, Leorio?"

"LEORIO?!"

"…"

"Hullo! Welcome my friends!! At last, I'm rich!— and I owe that to you, guys! If it wasn't because of your sincere concern to me, your beloved friend, to your ever strong determination to blah, blah, blah….loooooonnnggg speech…ahuhuuuu" Franken, I mean, Leorio got a box of tissue then, and blew his nose.

The 3 almost fell asleep and they awakened when they heard Leorio suddenly exclaim…

" …By the way, I already found out who my ancestors are!!"

"Really?! So, who are they?" asked Gon excitedly.

"The Adams family?" guessed Killua.

"(sweatdrop) Uh, I know this house looks a little grotesque, but NO!" [A/N: But I think Leorio Adam sounds good . ]

"The apes?" hypothesized Kurapika in a  concluding voice, while remembering Darwin's Theory of Evolution.

"Heh!"

"Then who?!" the 3 chorused.

"…" the guy, with glasses and possessing some 'monkey features', just smirked and gave no reply.

"Leorio!"

"Secret…heheh. You'll find out later."

"Could you give us some clues—or tell your last name at least, please?" pleaded Gon in the most convincing  child-like way.

"Just a moment." Leorio got something from his pocket and then…

"Lumos!" he shouted, as he waved his… wand (?)

One by one, all the lights in the house turned on.

Gon, Killua and Kurapika's eyes widened in amazement. They couldn't believe what they had just seen.

"HOW…ON…EARTH…DID YOU DO THAT?!!" all 3 of them chorused.

"You see, I have a wizard blood. Ok fine! My surname is……….…Potter. I'm LEORIO POTTER." he proudly replied with an air of superiority over them.

A gust of wind passed, then there was silence.

After a few seconds…

"WOW!" exclaimed Gon.

"REALLY?!!" asked the jaw-dropped Kurapika.

 Killua felt incapable of distinguishing reality from fantasy then, and started slapping himself.

"Nah, just kidding. But I wish I was." sighed Leorio.

"Liar!!" howled Gon.

"Dream on, moron." muttered Kurapika.

"Good!" exclaimed Killua.

"What?!!" veins throbbed faster and faster on Leorio's temple as he controlled his temper.

((Ding- DONG!!... DONG!!... DONG!!)) 3x

The hour- hand of an old grandpa's clock at a corner strike 12 and the clock started to clamor. The sound reverberated all over the house.

"Oh, it's already midnight! You should start searching for the capsules now. They contain clues where the Triple X Hunter Card is. Whoever finds it first, will certainly get it first." instructed Leorio. "This is… in exchange for helping me find this house— ahuhuhu…"

"_Gee, so emotional!"  _(Killua)

_"_sweatdrop…_I shall find it in the name of the Kuruta clan!"  _(Kurapika)

_"I have to have it! I need to see my dear father!"  _(Gon)

"Are all ready?" asked Leorio.

"Yes!" replied the 3, fervently.

"Ok, so let's begin! On the count of three…one…two…THREE, GO!!"


	3. Facing Fear

Standard disclaimers applied.

Some characters are slightly OC.

A. Note: (sigh) Too bad, I wasn't able to post this soon .!

III. Facing Fear 

Killua reached the family room where all kinds of entertaining stuffs were located such as stereo, piano, television and of course…

"JOY STATION 2!!" Killua's eyes sparkled from delight. He grabbed the nearest Joy Station 2 and connected it to the TV.

"I guess I'll just torture Leorio so he'll hand me the TxH Card (_smirk_). Right now, I just wanna PLAY, PLAY, PLAY!!!…hmm…what do we have here?" he started searching from a box of JS games.

"Harry Potter? Nah, reminds me of Leorio… Final Fantasia? Nah, sounds pirated… oooh, what's this?" he noticed a 'weird' looking game.

"The Ring… hmm, maybe it's Lord of the Rings. Gotta check it out." and so he excitedly placed it in the Joy Station 2.

The TV then started to produce a buzzing sound, and later, its screen showed a black and white video. Killua just stared at it, petrified. He didn't mind even if the video shown seemed oldie already.

In the video, a backyard was shown. There were some plants and trees in the background and a small well at the center. Moments later, someone started to climb out of the well.

"What the…"

That 'someone' was wearing a loose, white garment, and has long, black hair that flopped down her face. [A/N: I dunno its gender actually but let's just assume she's a she.]

"Oh no… not her…please." prayed Killua who was now convulsing.

As soon as she got out of the well, she started to cripple forward, coming nearer… and nearer…

… until she came out of the TV.

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! SADAKKOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Killua still had a 'hang-over' with Sadako since he just watched "The Ring" the other day with Illumi— his 'beloved' brother who kept on imitating the lady from the well then to scare him. Sensing an impending doom, he ran for his life. He dashed to the door and tried to open it, but unfortunately it's lock.

"Gon! (bang, bang) Kurapika! (bang, bang) Leo.. uh, never mind… HEEELLLLPPPP!!" screamed Killua on top of his breath while banging the door violently.

His friends didn't seem to hear him so he planned another escape…

…but it was too late.

Killua felt someone touched his right shoulder. As he turned around, he saw 'Sadako', only centimeters from him, with her large, left eye jutted out.

'Sadako', whose hair was actually.. green (?), began to speak in a hoarse voice .

"What are you screaming about, nincompoop?.…I'm not Sadako— I'm Kurotop!"

But Killua fainted already.


	4. The First Capsule

Standard disclaimers applied.

Some characters are slightly OC.

A.Note: Thanks to all who reviewed! . I promise to make the chapters here longer next time! .

IV. The First Capsule 

Kurapika continued to run, and run, and run. But still, he couldn't see any door along that corridor. He seemed to be running in a never-ending path until…

"What! Dead end?!" exclaimed Kurapika, frustrated.

A stone wall blocked the path, together with the humungous statue of Leorio standing in front of him.

"_Maybe there's a secret passage here or something."_

He examined the statue.

"_Perhaps a secret passage or door would be revealed if I do something with this stupid statue!" _ so, Kurapika jumped high and pressed its nose.

Nothing happened.  

He then knocked its head…twisted its arm…turned the statue around…

…still, nothing happened.

Kurapika began to lose his temper already and, out of annoyance, he just cut the statue's head with his chain.

((Swish!!— crack— crack— crack…— rumble— rumble— CRASHHH!!!))

The statue broke into pieces and the wall in front of him finally collapsed. A room was revealed— a kitchen.

Meanwhile, at the entrance…

"Was it just me or did I really hear Killua scream a while ago?" Leorio wondered. He still tried to listen for any sound coming at the corridor where Killua ran, although he knew that the thick, wooden doors and stonewalls of the house blocked any noise coming from other rooms.

"Nyahah!! I didn't know that Killua screams like a girl!"

Leorio then turned back, walked towards the right side of the middle staircase and had a monologue .  .

"Go on my friends! Search! Search! Search!! When they find that TxHCard, they will be able to help me find the other hidden treasures in this house smiled greedily"

_"Why not search it alone, dufus?!"_ asked his…conscience (?)

"That stupid card! It's very difficult for me to search it alone [A/N: He can't even find the capsules], so I need some 'help'."

_"What if your 'friends' refuse to help you?" _

"Then I'll imprison them in the cat…cat…"

_"Catacombe."_

"Yes, catacombe [A/N: catacombe, according to the Webster Dictionary, means an underground cemetery] until they hand me the TxHCard! Bwahahah!!evil laughter"

His conscience finally left him in peace.

"_I know stomping a tile here would reveal a hidden stairway going down there at the cat..cat..whatever!" _ he thought. "_But I forgot which one! Other tiles are traps!"_ he nervously gazed at the orange, marble tiles in front of him [A/N: There were about half a hundred of them O.o] and sweatdrops began to trickle down his forehead.

He then closed his eyes and tried to trust his intuition. He began pointing at the tiles.

"Eenie- Minnie- Miney- Mo! Reveal the stairs as I said so!!" when he opened his eyes, he saw his index finger pointing at the centermost tile.

"Ah…the center tile! Ok, here I go!!" he stretched his right leg with all his might to reach that tile and stomped it. 

The ground then began shaking.

"W- WHAT'S- H-H-HAPPE-NING?!!"

A small portion of the floor, the part where Leorio was standing, mysteriously disappeared. It created a hole which caused Leorio…

"AAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh…………………….…………." 

…to fall into oblivion.

Back to Kurapika…

"_A kitchen?"_  as Kurapika went inside, he realized that he was extremely thirsty already for all the running he did. So, he grabbed a glass from the table there, opened the refrigerator, and got a cool, refreshing water from the pitcher.

While drinking, he noticed a small, blue, oblong thing, just beside the pitcher of water.

"A CAPSULE!" he picked it up and examined it excitedly.

"_Now what will I do with this thing? Ah, probably there's a message inside it."_ he then removed the capsule's half, and instead of finding a powdery substance inside, he found a small paper.

Written on that paper was 'NT'.

"'NT'? What does 'NT' mean?" Kurapika wondered.

"Buzz, buzz…"

"Huh?"

"Buzz, buzz…"

"EEEeeeeekkk!! Shoo! Shoo!! "

A dozen flies suddenly appeared from nowhere. 

"I said shoo! Shoo! SHOOOOOOO!!!"

"_Maybe 'NT' stands for 'No Trash'! The TxH Card might be located to a very clean place." _he thought as he gulped the remaining water in the glass and decided to leave soon.

When Kurapika rushed towards the nearest exit [A/N: not the exit going to the crumbled statue of Leorio but to another exit leading to a corridor near the dining room] to escape from the black flies…

"Huh?"

…he suddenly noticed a moving shadow at the corridor outside. The shadow became bigger and bigger— someone was approaching.

Kurapika stopped and readied his self. He didn't know if it's a friend or foe. As that 'someone' came nearer, Kurapika could hear it breathing loudly like Darth Vader. 


	5. Spider's Plan

Standard disclaimers applied.

Some characters are slightly OC.

A.Note: Here you go…a longer chapter…but didn't I make it 'too' long that it becomes more boring? Oh well, just let me know (and bear with me again) . Pls. read and review! Arigatou! Happy reading!!

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**V. The Spider's Plan**

"Darth Vader?!"

((EXHALE — inhale — EXHALE))

"Uh, Gon… Killua?!"

((EXHALE — inhale — EXHALE))

"Err…Leorio?!"

((cough, cough, cough))

After a few moments, the mysterious person finally revealed himself. He was a short man in black and wore a mask with a skeleton pattern.

"If I'm not mistaken, you're Feitan!" exclaimed Kurapika.

"No wonder the traitor clown had told you." said Feitan in a quite shrilly voice.

"What are you doing here? Leorio invited you too?"

"No, idiot! We're after the golden key which was known to unlock every security device."

"So?"

"So, give me the capsule!"

"Why? What's the connection between that golden, or silver, or platinum, whatever key and the capsule?!"

"Because the Spider needs the Triple X Hunter Card to find it!!"

Kurapika's eyes suddenly turned crimson red as soon as he heard the word 'Spider'. Enraged, he threw every utensil in the kitchen that his hands could grab to one of the member's of Genei Ryodan, but Feitan was able to avoid them all. Kurapika even used his chain to catch and stab him, but his enemy was still too fast.

"You're too slow! Is that all you can do?!.." Feitan sneered as Kurapika stopped to rest and think for a while.

"…allow me then to show you how I finish insects like you!" he continued, and prepared himself to attack the guy with chain.

Kurapika was about to use his judgment chain then. But out of curiosity, he controlled his wrath and waited patiently to witness his enemy's technique in killing fast.

Feitan removed his mask.

Kurapika alerted his self more especially his eyes so as not to miss seeing every move.

"This is my secret weapon…" Feitan's eyes became more piercing. "…with just my breath— HHHHHAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh…— EVERYONE WILL DIE!!"

A 'green', offensive-smelling gas escaped from his mouth. One by one, all the flies that were buzzing around in the kitchen a while ago froze and fell to the floor, dead.

"_I should have noticed the 'warning skull' on his mask beforehand." _thought Kurapika as he desperately gasped for fresh air.

At the 2nd floor…

"Hyaah!"

((swish — swish))

"Gnash — nash — nash — nash — nash!!!"

Gon was under attack by some floating piranha- like creatures. There were about 10 of them, with small, but sharp teeth.

Gon continued running and searching for a safe room to hide and escape from while driving them away with his rod.

"Nyaaaaahh! Go away!!"

((swish — swish))

"Gnash… Gnash… Gnash — nash — nash — nash — nash!!"

After minutes (or maybe hours) of running and shooing, Gon found a room at last. He opened its door, hurriedly went in, and closed it instantly, leaving those hungry fishy creatures 'gnashing' outside.

"Whew! I'm safe now." sighed Gon.

He rested his back on the door, while still catching his breath. As he let his eyes wander around, he noticed something peculiar about the room.

There were artificial trees and plants 'planted' and even streets in there. At the far end of the room, colorful, miniature houses, life-size toy cars, and some mannequins in flashy outfits baffled Gon. Bright lights and wacky paintings studded the walls and ceilings. If one would enter there, he could not consider it as a typical room but a tiny town enclosed in a colorful box instead.

Few moments later, Hysoka appeared wearing a pink sleeveless shirt, white fitted pants (or maybe those were stockings), and a pink tutu. He was strolling and skipping along one of the streets, while smiling and singing…

"I'm a Barbie girl, in this Barbie world…"

Meanwhile, up the hidden realm of the ancestral home's attic…

…a candle was lighted,

…a black cloth was laid,

…and a girl in black dress chanted.

"_fsdjfif gjuerl;auoaa iaw l;j ar asdfuiq;r ejfal siru qerqu ;ifuq;ej af;lqierl; wej qwer ;difjifhequlhe qlwuhqle fqhilehflgfiqrtyiwpq9ry289ewsnc., xcpqiowsm seroiqruposkdjpo2iwdpyruig;dshcdjiepoifhdjfh;ajsdkj;isofowi!!!"_

After uttering some mumbo-jumbo, she placed a deck of tarot cards on the black cloth and drew a card with her left hand.

"gasp The Tower!"

She shuffled the cards and drew a card once more. But she still got the same card and stared at it, petrified.

"Shizuku, are you ok? What does that card mean?" asked another girl with purple hair.

"…It means…think, think, think…I already forgot..(eheh)…gomenasai."

"sweatdrop It means that there'll be danger or accident— maybe the Spider will not be able to get the TxH Card, Machi!!" said Shalnark to the purple haired girl.

"Probably." a suave, 'gelled' haired man in a black coat spoke. "From the prediction also which I wrote in a paper, it says: '_Macho, macho man!_'…eh?! No! Sorry!! got another paper '_Pamela one.._' aaarrrrggggghhh!!!! crumpled the papers Ah, at last! Here it is! '_As the wind blows, the spider will miss its prey._'" he continued.

"'_The spider will miss its prey' _might really mean that we'll not be able to get the TxH Card!" exclaimed Shalnark.

"But Danchou, what does '_As the wind blows_' mean?" wondered Machi.

"It means…you know…err…I don't know, actually, but we'll find that out soon!" replied Kuroro.

"So, what are we gonna do then?" asked Phynx who just entered through a trap door in the attic after getting a bucketful of toothpaste.

"Yeah, what are we gonna do especially with those toothpaste?" asked Shalnark.

"Save the world from cavity?" added Machi.

"sweatdrop Right now, we need to trust Shizuku and use those toothpaste for her potion." Said Kuroro.

Shizuku proudly stood [letting her eyeglasses shine] and approached a cauldron of black syrup boiling at the fireplace nearby.

"This potion points at the black syrupy stuff in the cauldron is called Shizuku's Invisibility Brew. Its main ingredient is squid's blood [A/N: actually it's just squid's ink, but let's just say 'blood' to sound witchy, tee-hee ] that will help someone become invisible. Right, Deme-chan?"

"Rrrruuuummm,rruuumm!" her vacuum roared in agreement, and Shizuku smiled deviously.

"…But I don't remember asking for those toothpaste," she added in wonder.

A sexy woman with short, blonde hair suddenly arrived carrying packs of toothbrush.

"…neither those packs of toothbrush." continued Shizuku who became more confused.

"..umm…ahh…They might come handy later…eheh.." explained Kuroro.

Shizuku, satisfied with their Danchou's reply, started stirring her brew. When her potion was finally ready, she divided it equally among them.

"One for you, two for you…."

A few believed, others doubted. Nevertheless, everybody drank.

((gulp, gulp.))

((….))

All were silent. Everybody was anticipating for some magical happening.

((…))

"What happened?" asked Pakunoda who almost fell asleep from waiting.

"Nothing." replied Shalnark.

"Nothing?!"

"Nothing happened."

They didn't turn invisible, except for their teeth. Their teeth became 'almost' invisible as the potion tinted their teeth black.

"Aaaarrggghhh!!! What happened to my teeeeettth!!" screamed Machi.

"Relax." assured Kuroro. "Here, brush your teeth." then he handed her a toothbrush with toothpaste.

Machi did as she was told, and regained her sparkling white teeth.

All did the same and gained the same results, then afterwards…

"Shizuku!!!"

Machi and Pakunoda picked some books and were about to throw them to the potion's inventor.

"sweatdrop, sweatdrop, sweatdrop…..Go— me— na— sai! I forgot to chant a spell for that potion…aheheh… ." explained Shizuku, but still sensing her doom.

All: sigh

"Never mind." said Kuroro. "I have another plan." he then called them all to gather around him closer.

"whisper, whisper, whisper, whisper…Did all understand?" whispered the Spider's leader.

"Eh Danchou, what about Kurotop, Feitan, Hysoka and the others?" asked Phynx.

"Nah! Don't mind them! Let them be fooled a bit, nyaheheh! (Just kidding!).. They were assigned to a different task anyway. They should still continue exploring this house, while we… whisper, whisper, whisper… Okay?" reasoned Kuroro.

"Okay, Danchou. As you wish!" all agreed.

"Bwahahahahahah!!"

"Nyahahahahah!!"

"Hahahahahah!!"

"Ahweheheheheh!!!"

"Ahii-hi-hi-hiiii!!!"

((varying diabolical laughter reverberated in the attic))

"Are all ready?"

"Yes, Danchou!!"

Kuroro climbed the largest pile of books there, then shouted…

"ATTACK!!!"

Everyone dashed to different directions and left the attic empty in a flash.


End file.

Hunter X Hunter, Humor, Parody