Avengers 1. The Video

Dr. Bruce Banner was tired as hell. His eyes were grainy from hours of staring at the tiny chemical sequences that raced across the three computer screens in front of him, and he was pretty sure he hadn't eaten for at least twenty-four hours. He took off his glasses and rubbed the two red spots on either side of his nose before pushing a hand through his short dark hair that was slowly making the change to grey at his temples. He decided he could take a break, a short one, mind you, he still had copious amounts of work to do before the night ended. He glanced at his watch, marking the time as a little after three in the morning. Everyone in Stark Tower should be asleep then, which was good for him, because he was too deep in his thoughts that he wouldn't have made good company or conversation at all.

He headed towards the kitchen, his mind set on making a sandwich and some tea to take back to the lab with him so he wouldn't have to spend too much time away from his research. Banner still had a little bit of difficulty maneuvering around the elaborate tower (which was still partially under construction from Loki's attack a few months earlier), and avoided bits of metal, various tools, and plastic sheeting without much trouble or noise. Tony had insisted that the rest of the team (which had now _officially_ taken on the Avengers name) stay in the tower as well, but they had refused until he had persuaded them with various things; an archery range for Agent Barton, a bunch of bright and shiny new labs for Dr. Banner, and he didn't know what everyone else had been given because he was content with his own...well, _gift_ if you could call it that. (Banner called it bribery.)

Banner had still been a little leery about staying in the still recovering building, and said as much to his fellow scientist friend. "If the Other Guy gets out, there won't be anything left of this place to salvage." Tony had just smirked and told him they'd talk about it later. Later turned out to be at four a.m. The billionaire had dragged his friend out of the comforts of his bed, and showed him something he had constructed just for the Other Guy.

It was a huge, spacious room with a beautiful forest scene covering one wall, a snowy mountain range that resembled the Himalayas on the second, on another was a serene river scene that reminded Banner of creeks he would play in as a child, and on the last wall resided a swirl of soothing pale colors in oranges, yellow, greens, and purples. "Completely soundproof, indestructible walls, speakers _in_ the walls that play happy, non angry music, and JARVIS is programmed to not let you out until you, you know, aren't the Jolly Green Giant anymore." Tony explained, and that had sealed the deal for Banner. Obviously he was wanted here, and staying here meant that he would have access to technology than he wouldn't in Calcutta anyway.

Really, the choice was made for him.

Sandwich and tea in hand, Dr. Banner started on his way back to the lab, traveling slowly and cautiously with the hot beverage in his hands, his mind already running over the chemical formulas again. He heard a faint sound come from down the hall, and Banner simply deduced that it must be one of his teammates sleeping fitfully, but he heard multiple voices arise as well. He reluctantly set down his snack and tread quietly towards the sounds, slowly realizing that the sounds were coming from his "Happy Room" as the playboy called it. He slowly opened the door just a crack (JARVIS made no comment for once), and Dr. Banner was truly and utterly horrified by what he saw in front of him.

It was Tony.

Dancing.

With a couple bottles of scotch near him (most of them empty).

Dancing.

Almost completely naked, save for a pair of red silk boxer briefs with his suit's cartoon image printed all over them.

And he was _dancing_.

Loud music poured from the speakers, and as the good doctor listened to the lyrics, he felt a hot blush of embarrassment creep up his neck and leech into his face, turning him bright scarlet.

_Boom boom boom boom_

_I want you in my room  
_

_Let's spend the night together  
_

_From now until forever  
_

_Boom boom boom boom  
_

_I want a double boom  
_

_Let's spend the night together  
_

_Together in my room  
_

Dr. Bruce Banner knew instantly what he had to do. He reached into the pocket of his tan, rumpled khakis and pulled out a simple, touch screen, cellular phone. He searched through the applications until he found the one he wanted, and held it up to the crack in the door.

The camcorder caught the entire thing, including Tony's high pitched, horribly off key singing, him shaking his ass to an imaginary crowd of people that he jeered at, proclaiming himself to be "The goddamn Iron Man", and, of course, the bright red of his boxers.

The doctor slid the door shut just as quietly as it had opened, saved the video, and returned the phone to his pocket before retrieving his drink (which had cooled long ago) and his sandwich, a devious smile on his face. As he returned to the lab, he pushed all of the research aside.

He had _real_ work to do.

X

Tony Stark, billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist, rolled over in his bed, his brain pounding with the effects of a wickedly bad hangover. He groaned loudly, and asked JARVIS what time it was.

"Eleven thirty-two, sir. And I have a video I am supposed to play when each member of the Avengers awakens." JARVIS stated, cool and aloof as ever. Tony sat up, curious.

"Go ahead JARVIS, play it."

"...Are you sure, sir?"

"Yeah, just play the damn video!"

_"Boom boom boom boom_

_I want you in my room"  
_

The night came flooding back to him as he watched, horrified.

"Oh _FUCK!"_

**_A/N: Please God forgive me XDDD I heard this song on YouTube and couldn't resist. Laughed my ass off typing this, so I hope you laughed as hard and enjoyed it as much as I did! The song is Boom Boom Boom Boom by Vengaboys._**


	2. Aftermath: Clint and Natasha

Clint didn't have that grey area between sleep and waking, so when he opened his eyes in the pitch black darkness of his room, he was clear of mind and could've taken on anything. His body clock told him it was close to daybreak, and he knew there wasn't a way for him to slip back into that realm of unconsciousness again. He didn't even really know if he _wanted_ to sleep sometimes, especially after what had occurred a few months earlier with Thor's "brother", and had stayed up for days after Loki had been dealt with. He had finally slipped back into a somewhat normal schedule, if you could even dare to call living with a smart ass man in a robot suit, a scientist who was barely containing the literal rage monster just beneath the surface, a thawed out all American super soldier, an ex-Russian agent who had looks that just might kill (and did), and the giant, supposedly mythological Asgardian _normal_.

To him, it just sounded like some crappy kind of sitcom. The archer sat up in bed and ran a hand through his short hair, breathing a soft sigh at the idea of getting up. He promised himself a few hours of quiet target practice, a hot shower afterwards, and a cup of coffee, and started to escape the clutches of his insanely comfortable bed.

"Agent Barton, sir." Clint reached for the nearest thing he could use as a weapon before he realized the voice belonged to JARVIS, Stark's disembodied robot...what? Butler? He didn't know, but it always spoke when he least expected it to, and it _al__ways_ scared the hell out of him.

"God, what do you want?" he snapped, dropping the steel toed boot he had grabbed onto.

"My name is JARVIS, sir, and I am not a religious deity." the computer replied coolly.

Great. The fucking voice even _acted_ like Stark.

"And I have a video I am to show everyone in the tower when they awaken."

"If it's from Tony, I don't care, JARVIS. I'm going to go to the range." The agent turned the dimmer switch up so the room was engulfed in light, and started dressing in a white t-shirt and a pair of faded old jeans that had somehow managed to survive Budapest without getting destroyed. He shouldered his bow and the quiver of arrows before starting to punch in the code to open his door, looking forward to some really good practice time.

"It's from Dr. Banner, sir. He also has a message for you." The wall opened to reveal the slim T.V. screen Tony had insisted be put into every damn room, and it flickered into life, revealing a picture of a _smiling_ Bruce. Clint was a little taken aback. He was so used to seeing the awkward man with the dark cloud of perpetual doom hanging over his head that he started to _worry_ a little when he saw the scientist beaming like that.

_**Clint. You have to watch this. You're not going to believe it unless you do.** **-****B.**_

"Know what JARVIS? Go ahead and let it play." the agent said, a little curious as to what was making the good Doc so freakin' happy this early in the morning.

"Are you sure that is a wise decision, Agent Barton?" questioned the slightly pissy robot.

"Yeah, whatever, just do it."

...

What was...?

Oh God.

Is that...?

Oh Christ.

_"Yayah...I'm the goddamn IRON MAN! Wayne's got nuthin' on this billionaire ass!"_

X

She woke to the vibration of her phone, and knew who it was instantly. Sometimes when he couldn't get himself to let go of his mind and sleep, he would dial her number and she would spar with him or they would just climb to the highest possible place in this tower and just sit and communicate without ever speaking a word.

"Clint."

"Tash." The archer sounded breathless and excited, something that made her leave the comforts of her black silky sheets.

"Oh God, Tash, you need to fucking _see_ this. I'm going to make Banner breakfast for fucking _months_."

Natasha had a feeling that she was going to regret this but agreed to meet Clint in a few minutes and clicked the red call end button before slipping into a pair of jeans and a tank top and leaving her room for her fellow agent's.

What could have been so important?

X

Five minutes later, Natasha had uploaded the video to YouTube.

It had over a million hits in a little less than an hour.

_**A/N: This is dedicated to Post U Later, who made me think of writing more than just the little drabble. More is to come soon, don't worry. :3**_


	3. Aftermath: Steve

The once frozen Captain Steve Rogers aka Captain America felt antsy sitting up in his room, and had decided to traipse downstairs and go to the gym, something that had become a sort of ritual when he couldn't sleep. He set the treadmill as high as it would go as sprinted for the better part of an hour before he finally managed to break a sweat, and after that he managed to pummel (not to mention break) a few more punching bags before he retired to the kitchen to scrounge up something to eat. It was very early, he noticed as he gave his watch a glance, or very late, depending on how you saw it. No one would be up at 2:31 in the morning. He fiddled around with the sleek machine Tony had called a coffee maker, but Steve had never seen a thing like it before he moved to Stark Tower at the billionaire's request.

Something about having everyone in one place seemed to calm the dark haired man, and the same had been true about his father Howard, whom the Captain mourned silently every time he gazed at his egotistical son. Sometimes, he would forget himself, and reach out to touch Tony's arm with Howard's name on his lips. But when the younger man turned (Steve always thought of everyone as younger than he, for he was seventy years older than all of them), he would remember and the right name would come forth. He was still very confused by this new world he had been thrust unceremoniously into, and he longed for the life he had left behind.

A man out of time. Forever.

He had to say, though, that he liked most of the new things he had been introduced to, though. After what happened with Loki, Tony had taken them to get shwarma, and he had to say it was pretty amazing, even though everyone had been hanging on the fringes of exhaustion and beaten to shreds.. Then, a few days later, Steve had let it slip that he didn't know what McDonalds was, and the genius just couldn't stand that so he had bought a good two hundred dollars worth of burgers, fries, and apple pies, demanding that everyone partake in this heart attack feast. And good God, it was _delicious_. Thor, Clint, and himself had managed to eat all but ten of the burgers by themselves, much to the disgust of Natasha. Tony had just pouted a little, and cracked more than a few jokes at the trio's expense.

"You know, you're supposed to _swallow_ every once in a while, guys. And it looks like you're unhinging your jaw a little too much there, Hawky. We should really start calling you Snake-eye instead." he jested, narrowly dodging the golden and burning hot fries the archer had tossed at his head.

Steve's mouth watered a little at the thought of the fast food joint and wondered if it was open. He decided he needed to see and gave up on trying to work the complicated thing Stark swore up and down made coffee, but the blonde haired man still wasn't convinced. The soldier slipped his brown leather jacket on and headed to the elevator, motorcycle keys in hand, a soon to be depleted wallet in his pocket.

The Captain ended up driving around the city for a couple hours before finally stumbling upon the golden arches, something he was sure would horrify Stark. He entered, ordered fifty bucks worth of breakfast food and a cup of coffee, much to the horror of the cashier, before he took his artery clogging meal to a booth in the back where he could watch everyone who was currently in the establishment (one other than him, if you didn't count the workers), and everyone who was coming and going (zero since he arrived). He took his time, relishing the taste of hot food, but he still was pining for a home cooked meal. Maybe he could ask Pepper if she would cook, but he doubted he would ever get up the courage to impose like that, after all, she was probably busy, what with repairing Stark Tower still, and just dealing with Tony's day to day shenanigans _plus_ she was still managing most of Stark's business interactions. She was certainly incredible, and a saint for dealing with the entire assembled team...especially Tony.

A few weeks ago, Ms. Potts had given him a cell phone, and he pulled it out and fiddled with it a little, still not used to the new technology, and the lack of buttons. "It's a touch screen." she had told him, and showed him how to call people with it and introduced him to texting and emailing, the former something he only barely managed. He looked through his messages as he chewed, finding unsurprisingly there were none. The sun had risen and he had ingested four more cups of McDonalds coffee before he finally headed back to the looming Tower, and when he exited the elevator, he was greeted by JARVIS.

"Hello, Captain Rogers. It is advisable not to talk to Mr. Stark this morning." Steve continued towards his room and tossed his leather jacket on his military neat bed.

"Why is that?" he asked, more than a little worried.

"Because of a certain video that just went viral, sir."

"Viral video?"

"Yes, sir I was instructed to show it to everyone when they awoke this morning. You left the Tower before I was able to." the computer informed him coolly. Steve still felt a little ridiculous talking to the voice because it was like talking to yourself, basically. But he continued.

"Would you show it to me, please?" the Captain asked.

"Unfortunately yes, I will."

...

Tony sat at the massive kitchen table, still trying to get rid of his murderous hangover with some OJ and Excedrin, and he heard someone walk in. Steve stood there, regarding him with a strangely blank expression.

"You're up early, aren't you?" the blonde asked as he grabbed a can of Coke from the overstocked fridge and sat across from him. Tony raised his eyebrows and took a sip of juice.

"Yeah, it was a late night for me."

"I know." The dark haired man stiffened as the Captain opened his drink and took a long pull from it. Blue eyes met dark brown eyes in a long, tension filled stare. "You need to work out more." Steve said before getting up and starting to leave the room. Tony blinked in surprise.

"Wha...?" It suddenly hit him. "Hey! Hey, I look _damn_ good, Popsicle Man! You wish you looked _half _as good as I do!"

"Actually," the soldier remarked as he exited. "I think that applies more to me than you."

"Oh yeah? Well...well this shit is all natural. _I GOT ALL NATURAL MUSCLEY BULK !" _he raged, his hangover forgotten.

"No you don't!" sang a distant, smug voice that only could've belonged to Hawkeye.

"I didn't ask you, bird boy! I will take your ass down!"

"Just me and you? Are you gonna give me a double boom, dancer man? We'll have to do it in Banner's room, I guess, but you'll have to close the door this time."

Tony knew he was never, ever, ever...EVER gonna live this shit down.

_This is my incentive to stop drinking...and to work out more._

_**A/N: Next up is Thor! Keep reading :D**  
_


	4. Aftermath: Thor

**_A/N: Here you go, guys! Thor's Aftermath scene, like I promised. But hey...if you guys stick around my profile long enough, you'll discover a few more Avengers stories to come. One is what happens when Thor discovers hentai, and two more will be slightly more serious. Hope you liked this. :]  
_**

**_P.S. There also might be another chapter to this, but I dunno if there will be. Just stick around. :D  
_**

In the living room of what was sometimes called "Avengers" Tower, amid the tall piles of empty Pop-Tart containers that rivaled the pyramids of old, was the sprawled out figure of a man whose soft snores could be heard every now and then from his cardboard tomb. The large plasma screen television mounted on the wall above him was still on and playing a re-run of an old 80's cartoon called _The Smurfs_ on a channel advertised as Boomerang, a show that had been playing all day much to the team's frustration. Thor twitched, his bear paw of a hand flailing outwards and backhanded a precariously stacked mound of boxes that collapsed onto him and made him wake up with a start. He was confused as to where he was, for this was _not_ his room back in Asgard, and he wondered why he was wearing such strange attire before he remembered he was on Midgard and in the large monument to Friend Stark. He sat up and pushed a hand through his wavy blonde hair and yawned mightily causing his jaw to pop. He looked around blearily and scratched his leg through his Budweiser sleep pants (Stark had given them to Thor after he had finished a twenty four pack of the beer by himself, causing a disgruntled team meeting declaring that was no longer allowed) before he got to his knew it was well after sunrise, perhaps noon, but his sense of time here on this planet was not as accurate as it was back home.

The Aesir noticed the pack of unopened "Tarts of Pop" at his feet and he swooped down upon it like Huginn and Munin going after a small creature to feast upon. The small sugary pastries were devoured in seconds, but Thor felt his gut rumble for more.

He ventured into the kitchen and searched vigorously through the cabinets but his efforts proved to be futile. He had the sneaking suspicion that one of his other warrior comrades (perhaps the red haired female, or the archer) had taken some and hidden them from the hungry god. He pouted briefly, before deciding to change his garb and take one of those wonderful "show-ers". The first time he had taken one, he had stayed in there so long that the water was cold for the rest of the day, and his team mates complained mightily and put a thirty minute limit on his water use.

Thor meandered to his room and dressed himself in normal Midgardian attire (jeans, t-shirt, blue flannel shirt) and was about to leave his room when a voice stopped him.

"Sir, there is a video you are required to see." He looked around, thinking that this voice was a trick of some sort perpetrated by a villain, before he recollected that it was the voice of the invisible helper to Tony named...JARVIS?

"What is this video you speak of, Tony's Helper?"

"You will just have to see, sir."

X

Tony had taken refuge alone in his lab (he had made JARVIS lock Bruce out of all the labs after finding out the video was his doing, and refused to let him in to work), and he had started work on another suit, one that hopefully could withstand another beating from Rock of Ages if need be. His headache had disappeared a few hours ago, and he was happy about that because it meant he could blast AC/DC without fear of splitting his skull wide open. He hummed along to "Shoot to Thrill" as he welded the prototype face mask for his new suit. This one was silver, because he used to have mix-ups with test parts and _real_ parts that caused many occurrences of grievous bodily harm to himself, so he finally decided to change the colors so as to not, you know, kill himself for the bad guys.

The sound of metal against metal could be heard over the blaring rock music and Tony switched off the blow torch and the music as he looked up. The lab door was caving inwards, and his eyes went wide just as the door was sent flying across the room and landed in a crumpled heap. Thor burst into the room, his eyes wild and his mouth set in a grim, determined line as he came at Tony, Mjölnir in his hands.

"Whoa, whoa! What the _fuck_ has gotten into you? You get rejected for a L'Oreal commercial or something?"

Thor didn't answer, instead he grabbed Tony and shook him roughly.

"_BROTHER! _YOU RELEASE MY FRIEND, OR ODIN HELP ME I WILL FIND YOU!' He boomed, his voice echoing off the walls of the lab.

"What the hell are you talking about! And do you have _any_ idea about what you just did to my door? There are other ways of getting in, you know, like maybe _KNOCKING_ or _RINGING THE DOOR BELL_!" Thor snarled and his hand tightened around Tony's neck as he turned and dragged him out of the lab and down many flights of stairs before throwing him on the ground in the large conference room.

Stark coughed and spluttered, holding his throat before he looked up to see Clint, Natasha Steve, and Bruce staring at him with wide eyes from their seats around the table.

"Thor, good God, what the hell-" Clint started before he was cut off.

"LOKI HAS POSSESSED FRIEND STARK USING SOME SORT OF EVIL SORCERY! WE MUST CAST THE DARKNESS OUT OF HIM!" Everyone looked at each other, a little confused as to what was happening.

"Guys, he's gone batshit, you gotta-" Tony was cut off by the god backhanded him across the face.

"SILENCE BROTHER AND UNHAND MY FRIEND!"

Tony worked his jaw slowly, making sure nothing was broken when he looked up and saw Clint slumped over, tears coming out of his eyes as he tried to suppress his mirth. He couldn't hold it for long though, and gales of laughter shook him as his face turned bright red.

"WHAT IS SO FUNNY, HAWK-MAN? OUR FRIEND IS POSSESSED!"

"He...possessed...oh _God_." Clint's voice hitched as he giggled like a girl. "He...the video..."

Everyone looked a little taken aback, but when they understood the situation, they all began to bust up too.

"Wait...the video? _That damn video is why I just got bitch-slapped like a six dollar, three toothed hooker__?"_ Tony screamed, and his rage plus Thor's confused, kicked puppy look made everyone crack up even more.

X

The situation was finally explained to Thor after everyone had calmed down (that didn't count Clint, who kept snickering), and he seemed to understand what happened.

It didn't really stop him from crossing himself every time Tony entered the same room as him.

Tony knew that was _definitely _the damn archer's fault, too. And the billionaire reminded himself to never let Thor watch _The Exorcist_ again.


End file.

Avengers, Humor