1. telepathic truthes

Disclaimer; Star trek is not mine

Rating; G

Title Telepathic Truths

_Captains Star Log: (Stardate 24610): The enterprise has been assigned to transport a Mayorian ambassador to a science convention on Valary 2, a moon in high orbit of Vulcan. The Mayoria are a reclusive species, distant cousins to the Betazoids, another telepathic race. I am looking foreword to meeting her and it will be a nice diversion for the crew._

Trip and Caption Archer go to the transporter to receive the ambassador. Captain Archer is in a well enough mood, but Trip is a little distant. Archer connects it to overwork; he is working a lot lately. The captain tries to make conversation.

"It should be interesting meeting Ambassador Helina, I hear she is very highly regarded among her race" he says hopefully.

"Yeah" Trip responds offhandedly. He has other thing on his mind.

When they get to the transporter, T'pol is there waiting for them and Trip avoids here eyes. He had tried very hard to make sure everything was ok between them, but it hadn't been easy. Every time he saw her he felt a sense of loss, as if his sister had died again. _My head wants to respect her wishes _he thought _but my heart isn't that easily swayed._ He immediately berated himself for the thought. _This is stupid, she's married _yet since she was married, why was she still on Enterprise. She was supposed to leave even before Vulcan. He had the distinct feeling T'pol wasn't telling him something.

Ambassador Helina is beamed on board and Trip is surprised how young she looks. She is no taller then a young teenager and her hair is frizzy, silver, and it sticks out in all directions. Her dress was also silver, it is short sleeved and hits her two or so inches above the knee. Her skin and lips are pearly white, but her eyes are black. They were her most noticeable attribute and made it look like all she was meant to do was see. She wore no shoes.

"Welcome aboard the enterprise, Ambassador Helina" Captain Archer hailed her. She stepped down from the transporter and looked straight at them.

"It is an honor to be here Captain" she answers back

"Allow me to introduce my first officer, Commander T'pol and my engineer, Commander Charles Tucker."

They both said their polite greetings, but Trip couldn't help but notice that she seemed to give them a long searching look that she hadn't given the Cap'n. He suddenly shivered; could she be reading his mind? He tried to shake the feeling off as Captain Archer offered to take her to her quarters.

Trip found that he was alone with T'pol, he should have gone with them. This was exactly the scenario he was hoping to avoid. He was just trying to invent an excuse to go to back to engineering when T'pol spoke

"Commander" He turns and looks at her.

"How is...." she pauses with composure, Trip wants to groan. Vulcans do everything with composure, a skill he envies.

"The engine diagnostic coming along" she finishes.

"It has been going well so far" he answers back uncomfortably "there's a slight phase variation in the fifth plasma junction, but we're correctin' it"

"That's good" she answers awkwardly

Trip hates these conversations, they act as if they barley know each other. He is still thinking of an excuse to leave, but is saved the necessity when Phlox contacts T'pol and asks her to help in sick bay; she leaves very hastily without a word of goodbye. Trip stands there, just staring the transporter pad. Perhaps he would go to sickbay himself later. He felt a little sick

Later in the Captains mess, Trip wishes that he didn't have to be here, but the Captain made it mandatory. All of them were trying to make conversation and having no trouble at all. Why couldn't he do the same? The answer to that was sitting on the other side of the table, yet she wasn't acting nearly ass troubled. To make matters worse, he had the distinct feeling the ambassador was probing his mind. It seemed as if she was always watching him, even if she wasn't looking directly at him. He wondered how much she was able to see. He just wondered how to attempt to get into the conversation when a question that Cap'n ask the ambassador made him look up and listen more carefully.

"So Ambassador, we have all heard of the Mayoria's telepathy. What exactly, is the nature of it?"

The ambassador seems please with the question, she proceeds to explain.

"Well, you have heard of the mind reading powers of our distant cousins, the Betazoids. They are limited to thoughts, and can only tell what a person is thinking at that moment. The Mayoria can delve deeper then that. We can see emotions, memories, and even emotions at the time of memories" she takes a bite of her dinner and chews "Some of our more practiced telepaths, can see farther into a persons mind then they can see themselves" Was it his imagination, or did she just glance at T'pol? "Sometimes our powers are difficult to control, we can find our minds are drawn to certain people's emotions, if they're troubled, or particularly strong." There was no question about it. She was looking right at him. How could nobody else notice this? "There is a ritual that each Mayoria must do once a month, but others may do it with the proper training. It allows us to use our powers on ourselves, to deepen them, and see into our own subconscious and deepest whims of our heart"

He didn't remember a single thing about the rest of the dinner.

Trip is performing a repair in engineering when suddenly the ambassador is standing right next to him. He is surprised; he hadn't heard her come in.

"Is there anything I can do for ya?" he asks, not taking his eyes off what he's doing.

"Actually, I wanted to see if there is anything I could do for you" She answered

"What do ya mean?"

"I sensed that you wished to speak with me"

That was true, he had wanted to talk to her, but it irritated him that she had known it. .Does she know everything that goes on in his mind?

"I apologize for the intrusion, it must be awkward for you" she answered as if she had heard, and he reminded himself that she probably had. "You heard me mention at dinner that sometimes our telepathy is drawn to certain minds, you seem to be one of them. We can't always control it, but you did need to speak to me."

He couldn't deny that, and decided to take advantage of this opportunity.

"Well, you mentioned that ritual at dinner, the one that allows you to see y're own mind. The one that non-telepaths can perform also" She nods. "Could you teach me how to do that?

"Sure" she answered "I will come by your quarters and we'll see what we can do"

Later that evening, she arrives in his quarters, with a pad that is glows bright red. She sits down and asks, "Are you ready?"

He nods

"Now I should warn you, this will be hard the first few times" she says rationally "Strong emotions can break the state you go into, maybe even cause brain damage. Of course, it is never easy to see simply into you heart, without sugarcoating. Are you sure that you want to persist in this?"

"I want answers, I've dwelled in my own emotions too long" he answered without a hint of hesitation.

"Very well", she conceded "Lie down and put your hand on the pad" He did so. It felt very warm. She put her fingers on his forehead and started speaking in Mayorian. He suddenly feels warm and safe, as if he was a boy again.

"Allow your eyes to close" she whispered. He did

"Feel the heat of the pad, let it fill you entire being allow, it to take you to a place where you have never seen, it imbodies all of you. Now open your eyes and tell me what you see."

"I'm in a dark tower" he whispered. "There are torches at the top. I can't reach them. I see shadows" They were everywhere, whispering, but he couldn't understand what they were saying. Then he saw her, "T'pol?" he asked and then she disappeared "T'pol" he called out. She appeared and disappeared "T'POL!" and suddenly he was lying on his bed with Helina standing over him.

"Emotions like that are just the thing to get you permanent brain damage" she said to him as if he were a small child "but I understand it was probably a little scary. How do you feel?"

"A little shaken, it was harder then I thought" he answered, breathing hard "What did all that mean?"

"They're your feelings Trip, that's for you to decide" she answered matter-of-factly. "I will come here the same time tomorrow and we will practice the same process. By the end of the week, you should be able to do it on your own.

She left. Leaving him with more questions then when she came in

The rest of the week passed uneventfully, but Trip was starting to regret asking to learn this ritual. It had laid his emotions bare naked, and yet he still didn't understand them. Talking with T'pol became even harder and the only thing that kept him from stopping was the thought of even the smallest insight into his love. As each session progressed, he felt closer to it and was sure that the next one would be the one he was waiting for.

The second to last night of their sessions, Helina came in and Trip rounded on her.

"I've been going through all you've shown me and I've realized something. I need to speak with her. Married or not, I have to let out something of how I feel"

She didn't flinch; it was as if she had been expecting it.

"I understand and I believe I can help"

"How?" he asked confused.

"You'll see, just don't get too comfortable working the plasma relays tomorrow"

End of chapt 1


	2. Too much truth?

Disclaimer: Star trek is not mine, Ambassador Helina is.

Rating: G

Title; Too much truth?

Helina couldn't help but smile. She really thought she ought to be congratulated on her idea of hiding here. Behind all the spare engine parts, she was virtually invisible, but there was one crack that she could use to see the comlink and another that let her see what was going on throughout engineering. All she had to do was move a few dried up plasma injectors and she could be out of there without anyone suspecting. In fact, the only way someone could see her was if they went through the pile looking for an engine part and Trip had assured her the engines were running practically at optimal.

Secure in her hiding place, she was ready to try and bring the two of them together. Helina planned to use a Mayorian ability, one that their law forbade having any outsiders know about. They could tamper with emotions of other beings. Not control, but just move in the right direction. She planned to use this to get the two of them to talk.

She expanded her mind and found that T'pol had just come out of a duty shift. After a minute or so of preparation, she tried to push a desire to help in engineering. It was immediately deflected. Helina tried to use the emotions her trellium had unleashed, but to know avail. She tried for a few minutes, but T'pol was not coming down herself. She eventually retracted her mind. _All right T'pol_ she thought _If you want to do this the hard way, then so be it.  
_  
She poked and prodded at the minds of various ensigns to make them think they were unfit for duty. Once they were all in sickbay, she got Trip to notice that they were shorthanded and ask the captain for more people. Once he did, she got made it so the Captain would send T'pol down. She had to go, she couldn't refuse an order from the captain. Once she arrived at engineering, Helina pushed the minds of a few more people to get her working the plasma relays with Trip. _Yes_ she thought _success!_ She withdrew her mind, put up her ears, and listened to what they said.

As Trip was working he couldn't help feel a bit nervous. What did the ambassador have in mind for him? He was just starting to speculate when T'pol walked over and asked if she could help. He accepted.

He didn't know why, but his doubt and nerves were less apparent now. He also had a burning desire to ask her something. He had so many questions, and decided to go with the simplest one."

"So, when are ya supposed to leave Enterprise?"

"Excuse me?" she asked coolly"

"When ya married Koss, you said that you were gonna only be on Enterprise for the time being. I heard ya were supposed to leave even before Vulcan." As he said all this, he couldn't help but feel a slight sense of foreboding.

"Eventually" was all that she said. Trip found this such an inadequate answer that he couldn't bring himself to ask another question. He didn't want any unpleasant surprises. They were silent for a long time. 

"Koss has released me from my marriage" she said abruptly a few minutes later.

"What?" he asked incredulously? Now that was something he hadn't expected.

"When my mother died, he said there was no point for us to continue."

Trip didn't know what to say. Was it possible that he could listen to his heart now and tell her how he feels? He was just about to sum up the courage when T'pol spoke up again"  
"Since my Pa'naar's syndrome was cured, I have felt more at peace with my heritage that I ever have. When I said I wouldn't have time for..." she paused "…us, I was being truthful. It would be best if we kept this relationship in the past."

Trip didn't know what to saw, or what to feel. He felt this wave of shame, loss, and confusion that he never felt before. He wanted to get away, wanted to cry, wanted to love her still, but most of all, he wanted not to feel it all he only said one word.

"How…"

He didn't know what else he wanted to say, he just knew that he wanted to leave.

Then all he could think was, thank goodness for frizzy haired ambassadors. 

Helina had heard enough. The emotions coming from Trip were overwhelming her and he needed a way out. She tried desperately to stabilize her mind, pushed away the dried out plasma injectors, and headed up to where they were. She spoke to them politely, trying to pretend she hadn't heard anything. 

"Excuse me"

They turned around and faced her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I seem to be lost. Could one of you show me where the mess hall is?"

She expected Trip would be the one to see the opening, but it was T'pol who offered to take her there. As they walked, Helina couldn't help feeling ashamed. She hadn't helped them; she had made them alienate each other even more. She wanted to say something to T'pol, but nothing came to mind.

That night at their last session, Trip almost wouldn't look to her.

"I'm sorry" she said over and over again. "I didn't know that was going to happen"

"Well; now I know that the women I love will never love me back. Thanks a lot Ambassador."

"I completely overlooked one fact, she wasn't ready I should have seen it before, I'm sorry"

He still wouldn't look at her.

"Look, let me talk to her. I can't undo what I've done, but I can do some damage control"

He looked skeptical.

"If it doesn't do something in the short long term, you have my permission to hate me for eternity, but please let me make this up to you"

He turned around slowly and looked at her.

"Okay you can try"

"Thank you Trip" the Ambassador answered and not without a certain relief "now let's get to the ritual.

"Yeah, I was wonderin' about that. This is our last session and I'm no closer to doing it on my own."

"Actually you are"

"What?" He looked very surprised to hear this.

"Each session, I eased off a little bit more. Last session, I was barely there at all." Now he looked really surprised." "tonight, I'll only be there as a failsafe, in case anything goes wrong"

They got the ritual ready and soon Trip was whispering

"The room, it's dark, it's covered in red like blood, but the red is receding. It's coming back and going .why…why…"

After a few minutes, he got up and was surprised to see the ambassador was sitting all the way across the room.

Trip looked very surprised.

"You just performed the ritual completely on your own.

"I did?" he asked lamely

"Yes, that wasn't even me speaking. It was a recording. The things on your forehead are stones"

He looked and saw that she was right.

"Can we leave it here. You know I can do it on my own and I had enough surprises for one day"

"I understand. I will see you at my departure tomorrow." 

For the next few hours, Helina stared at a wall. How was she going to fix the damage? Talking to T'pol wouldn't do any good; she could see that she was very stubborn and talking with Trip hadn't done anything. She couldn't communicate telepathically; T'pol was too good at ignoring that. She would have to realize this all for herself. Helina sat down and realized it wasn't fair. Why should T'pol be able to coldly shrug off these emotions when Trip was practically drowning in them? If only she could see some of what he felt. If only…. If only… yes that was an idea. Only certain Mayoria could use their telepathy to do this, but she had done it once before. Yes she thought. It is the only way.

She did many vigorous mental exercises and slept, which was a rare thing for a Mayoria. By morning, her mind was relaxed, strengthened, and ready to do what she needed to do.

Helina walked down the corridor toward T'pol quarters. She was let in and offered some tea. Helina declined graciously, and got right down to business.

"Look, I really need to talk to you. I can't explain why, but I was responsible for what happened in engineering today." T'pol didn't look phased, she answered as calmly as if they were discussing the weather.

"I do not understand how you could be responsible, but assuming that you were, you have nothing to worry about. We set a boundary in our relationship. He respects my wishes."  
"My god T'pol, you have no idea what you're getting into" I responded with some heat. "His mind does understand but his heart..." I pause to regain composure and take a breath. "He wants to respect your wishes, he really does, and he cares enough to try but I have seen visions of his heart. You were in all of them."

T'pol looked as if she were struggling to find something to say. I saved her the trouble. 

"Look, I'm not asking you to understand this and I don't expect you to. You're not ready. However, I need to get through to you somehow" It was now or never. I walked over to her, pressed my hand on her forehead, and started chanting in Mayorian before she could react. My mind seemed to be on fire, burning my entire body. Next thing I knew we were both on the floor

It felt as if my mind had been torn apart and I would likely need to sleep again later, but other then that, everything seemed to have gone smoothly. 

"What did you do to me?" she asked a little bit out of breath.

"Given you seven days" I answered. "Use them wisely. I will see you at my departure tomorrow. I left without saying a word.

T_here, that should even things out a bit_ she thought as she headed back to her quarters. If _Trip has to wrestle with emotion in this game of love_ she turned a corner _then so does she._

End of Chapt 2 (I promise I'll be quicker about the next one)


	3. Starving for truth

Disclaimer; Star trek is not mine _(If it was, it wouldn't be cancelled after this season)_ none of the characters or the show are mine

Rating; G

Title; Starving for truth.

T'pol's head was spinning slightly. She had never managed to get over that feeling since the ambassador had done that strange thing to her forehead. She had felt different, she hadn't been able to put her finger on it, but something was definitely different.

It had all started at the ambassador's farewell that morning. They had all said their polite goodbyes, but T'pol had found it difficult to concentrate. She tried her best, but her mind wasn't in it today. Maybe she needed to meditate, yes that was probably it. As the ambassador left, Trip had turned around and asked her something. She thinks it was about a problem with the main sensor array, but finds it hard to remember, given what happened next.

Before she had a chance to answer she was hit by a sudden force that she didn't recognize. It was a combination of loss, shame, confusion, and anger; she suddenly couldn't remember where she was, who she was talking to, and what had just been saying.

She just stared for a few seconds and Trip said very coolly

"See ya"

He left her with no idea what was going on. It took her a few seconds before she realized that she was doubled over. She stood up and desperately tried to regain her composure. Perhaps she needed to sleep. She would have to ask the Captain for a later shift.

She went through a hard day and finally had time to sleep, but when she did, she dreamed of Trip. She walked toward him, and then he turned into a statue of Surak, and then disappeared. She heard a voice that seemed a combination of her own and Trips that said "There's nothin' going on". She woke up abruptly feeling both nervous and sad.Something was definitely wrong here.

"Curious" the doctor said to her as she went into sickbay later. "I've never seen anything like this before."

"What is it?" she asked feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. She realized that it was nerves. "Has my emotional control been compromised?"

"Yes" he answered "But in the most detailed and exact way that I have ever seen. It appears that your emotional control has been damaged very specifically, in minute detail of certain areas, as if to allow some emotions, but not others. I have not idea how, or why. When did you start feeling this way?"

"About two days ago, after the…" she trails off because she has suddenly realized something "Doctor, could my emotional control have been damaged by telepathy?"

"It's possible" the doctor answered "It's the best theory I've heard so far, but why do you thinks so" T'pol preceded to explain about the ambassador and the strange thing she had done with her forehead.

"And when it was finished, she said she had given me seven days. That's when I started feeling this way" the doctor looked both surprised and impressed.

"What she probably meant by seven days is that's how long this will last. It's healing very steadily."

"Is there anything you can give me?" she asked hopefully?

"I'm sorry" Dr. Phlox answered "Nothing I have nothing to fight telepathy. I can give you something to help with the emotions, but it won't be much. As long as this doesn't get put of control, you should still be fit for duty"

T'pol was relieved to hear at least that "I think I know what is causing these… emotions… and I will try to distant myself form the cause" The look in the doctors eyes said she understood that she was talking about Commander Tucker, but she couldn't tell if he agreed with her.

For the next few days, she had managed to discreetly have duty shifts at different times then Trip. It wasn't difficult; he seemed to be doing the same thing to her. She even stopped eating her meals in the Captain's mess; she ate in her quarters instead. With the doctor's medication and sheer force, she had managed to keep some of the emotions under control.

Even so, she had a few outbursts and had a feeling the rest of the crew was beginning to get suspicious. The one she regretted most was when she and Ensign Meriwether had been running a sensor diagnostic.

"The main sensor array is completely offline" Travis had informed her nervously.

"What about feeding power through the magnetic constrictors?" T'pol asked nervously. He tried it and they waited for a second.

"No affect" he said resigned. T'pol got frustrated and before she could stop herself

"Damn it!" Travis looked up curiously.

"Did you just swear?" he asked.

"No" she answered, already regretting the impulse.

"I just heard you" he said slightly incredulously. "Are you all…" the scathing look she got from him was all that he needed to know not to keep talking about it. The rest of the test passed uneventfully.

T'pol tentatively headed to engineering. Despite both her and Trip's cunning maneuvering, the captain had insisted that they work on the sensor array together. She had taken the doctors medication and was ready to try and suppress these emotions, but she didn't know what to expect.

She arrived in engineering and found that Trip was already working on the problem. He greeted her semi-warmly and the two of them got to work.

T'pol tried to keep things normal, but she couldn't help but notice that he seemed awfully tense. He opened his mouth and closed it many times, often looked at her and then looked back, and would occasionally start to speak to her, pause, and then say something she was sure he hadn't meant to say. Once Trip asked her the same question three times in a row, she had to say something.

"Commander is something wrong?" she asked tentatively. This only seemed to increase his nerves"

"Well, it's just…. I don't know how to say this but….I don't even really want to and..but you can't hear this from anyone else…I… Don't know how to… Shouldn't" T'pol waits patiently. "Well the only way to say it is just to say it. I'm leaving Enterprise."

T'pol tried very hard to not let the shock show on her face, and ultimately failed

"But why?" she asked incredulously

"I can't handle this right now, I have too much going on, it's takin' a toll on my work, and occupies all of my thoughts" It didn't take a lot for T'pol to realize what he was talking about, but she didn't trust herself to speak. "Cappn's throwing me a goodbye party tomorrow" he said to no one in particular. After a long silence, he said "Well I better get this to the Capp'n. They weren't even half way done with the test, but he left, leaving T'pol with emotions she didn't even know existed.

_I've been to cheerier funerals _Captain Archer though as he looked around at Trip's goodbye party. Most people were eating and not talking to anyone. A few people like Travis and Hoshi were trying to stir up conversation, but you could tell they weren't completely into it. Eventually he went over to another table and sat next to Trip.

"Am I leavin' or dyin'?" Trip asked as he sat down. Archer snorted mirthlessly.

"Well we are all going to miss you, I still can't believe you're leaving" he muttered something about having to when Archer decided to change the subject "Where's T'pol?" he asked. Trip shrugged.

"I dunno," Trip responded. "Haven't seen her all day" That was odd.

"I'll go look for her" he said

"You don't need to, it's…" But he was adamant "Whatever" Trip finally said and began to stare at his food.

He left the mess hall and proceeded to T'pol's quarters. He was very surprised at Trips attitude, it didn't seem like him. What was going on? When he got to T'pol's quarters, nobody answered. When he confirmed that she was in her quarters, he overrode the security protocols and proceeded inside anyway. She was sitting on her bed and he couldn't see her face.

"Why did you come?" She asked without turning around.

"You're being missed at the party? Why aren't you coming?"

"I just can't handle it" she said with unmistakable anger in her voice" Captain Archer got worried, he had never heard her like this.

"May I sit down?" he asked and when she didn't answer, he sat down anyway and got a first look at her. Her face was flushed green and her eyes were red with strain. Her whole body was tense as if she had been sitting there for hours and her knuckles were white as if she was grasping the bed.

"T'pol, what's been going on lately?" he asked with some concern.

"Nothing" she snapped. He jumped.

"Well, many of us noticed that you seemed testy lately, you never eat in the Captains mess anymore, you seem determined to avoid" he paused "Someone, and Travis insists he heard you swear while running a sensor diagnostic."

"It's nothing everything's fine" but Captain Archer could see through that.

"Now, I you haven't left your quarters in two days, not even to come to Trip's party. I want to know why" He got down on the floor and kneeled in front of her.

"I won't" she answered heatedly.

"Why?"

"Because I love him ok!"

Archer stepped back. He shouldn't have been surprised but he was.

"T'pol" he said carefully "Love is an…"

"An emotion?" she prompted. He nodded. "I have something to tell you" she hesitated, but she knew the time had come. She told him the whole story of the ambassador and the emotions she had unleashed.

"And when he told me he was going to leave Enterprise, I looked into his eyes and realized that I love him. That I always loved him. I don't know how to handle something like this" she looked at him. "What should I do?" the Captain was at a loss for advice.

"Well, I can't really help you here, and I probably shouldn't, but I can tell you something important. I lied to the crew when I said we were dropping him off at the Colombia in two days. He's taking a shuttle early tomorrow morning." T'pol looked very distressed by this news

"Why?"

"He said he wanted to avoid goodbyes" he could see that she understood what he meant. "If you're going to do something, it has to be soon" He left, leaving T'pol to her questions.

T'pol she sat on the bed and stared at the walls for hours. She had never felt this way. She had never thought she ever would feel this way. There was so much she didn't understand. What should she do?

And then she knew.

End of Capt three.


End file.
