Homestuck A Dozen of Ginsengs with Honey and Apple Cider

**I have finished it! **

**Hale, I did it! I wrote, typed, and finished this smut one-shot! Why did nobody tell me that writing smut is hard?! It is! I really thought that it was easy –but no, it really wasn't easy for me! **

**I would like to thank the fanfiction writer, Quinn Anderson, for her work "The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic" for helping me. I also thank other fanfiction writers for their very skilled and talented smut fanfiction that I get to use as examples. I really need all the help with this fanfiction and I am so glad for the help I got. Thank you.**

* * *

"Fuck!"

You are Dave and you just got fucking pinned by an asshole with ugly ass triangle shades.

"So, how many times do I have you in this position? Even I lost count."

You can't help but growl and try to glare at the asshole. But with that fingerless gloved hand gripping your skull, there's really no chance in fucking succeeding.

You even feel the asshole's erection on your ass. And the asshole knows you're feeling his damn dick. He probably also knows you could feel his gigantic ego and egotistic smirk on him growing… You soon feel that broad chest just barely touching your back and his fucking warm breath near your ear.

"_So_," the asshole purrs. "It's time for my prize, _right_?"

You try to glare at him again but the asshole just gripes your scalp harder, getting a moan out of you. He fucking chuckles in your ear before biting and…

Oh…

…F-Fuck…

* * *

"Bro, could you get some Chinese food from that new place?"

"Fuck you, Dirk."

You are Dirk, the genius of robotics and the lord of irony, and you have a plan for the wannabe to be fucked once again. It's been too fucking long since the last fuck. And you definitely want Dave to remember this and simply get bothered and hot by just thinking about it.

You also make sure he gets out as you "accidently" spill his precious apple juice without him knowing. Everything is going according to plan as Dave swears and whines but is getting dressed and ready to buy both Chinese food and apple juice. For someone who claims he's smart, he's pretty fucking stupid of not knowing what's going in your head since he has been living in this apartment with you some time.

You tweak a few bolts while pretending not to look at Dave's ass as he tries once again to find the keys. You purposely put the keys in a different location so you can tease yourself a bit before the main course.

You have a plan, a plan to get Dave more… submissive.

You wait for Dave to finally leave with the keys and zipped up tight jeans to finally stop working and get your primary plan ready. You go to the closet where you have the delivered box there. Dave could never find it here since he pretty much is a dork and uses drawers and the floor as a clothing carrier. There's that and you also put a pile of smuppets in there before the last time Dave opened it.

In a cool and ironic way, you have the box opened (by using your shades since shit is pointy enough to stab out an eye) and you can't help but shiver.

Oh, even though these candles aren't even lit, they definitely are aphrodisiac candles. You had been strolling along the Internet to just buy some My Little Pony merchandise till an ad shows something about "cheating pleasure". Bored as you were (since Dave was busy somewhere), you clicked it and seen the candles.

Usually you have been far than okay on dominating Dave and making him yours but you do want to see the wannabe dork all submissive and damn slutty for your cock –AKA ironic dirty talking.

And what could the worse thing happen?

Dave is actually trying to resist you? _Pff_, he couldn't last for one day.

So you get the seemingly normal-looking candles out of the box, you smirk getting bigger and bigger as you put them on the floor with you.

Yup, the box is empty and there are enough candles to give an elephant, or possibly a whale, a huge bulging erection. Perfect.

Even without them lit, you are already having a half-hard dick from the pheromones that are releasing now. Hopefully they're not too powerful but fuck, do they have a fucking kick! You simply can't have a second thought of this, this is simply too good to just pass up. When you could get these lit in Dave's room, Dave would be crawling on his knees, begging you for release.

Oh yes, you can't wait for that.

Now to put your plan in action, you get your ass off of the floor while carrying a few of the candles with you. You couldn't wait for this plan to work.

* * *

You are Dave Strider and you know Dirk is planning something.

You get your Chinese noodles and rice with a few of those fortune cookies with a few galloons of precious apple juice waiting for you. This Chinese restaurant looks pretty much like any typical non-ironic Chinese restaurant with the rude Chinese cashier, the Chinese letters and dragons all over the place, and Chinese curses and yells that you can hear if you want to. So the food will pretty much taste the same.

Luckily, Dirk didn't seem to notice a sushi restaurant just a bit further when you have ironically took a road too long after too busy listening to Gangster's Paradise on the radio.

So here you are, you are now inside the shitty car (for someone who says he's a fucking genius, Dirk doesn't even goddamn try to get this hunk of shit to stop being so fucking shitty) with the very warm Chinese food and your beloved apple juice. You sigh, getting ready for the asshole known as Dirk waiting for his stupid food while most likely, stuffing creepy ass smuppets in your room.

Yup, you drive to that apartment that you share with him with no pain-in-the-ass cops getting on you. And you are pretty sure Dirk put fucking smuppets in your room.

You wish to move out that shithole but due to money shit, you can't. If you had enough money like some jackass you know, you would have packed your bags and wave with your middle finger as a goodbye to the asshole. There's nothing else preventing you to go, you fucking swear. Nope, there is nothing else at all.

You parked the shitty car (seriously, you should rap this complaint to Dirk, he could finally actually try to fix this or better, get a new car that doesn't stop in the middle of fucking traffic) and carry both the food and the golden elixirs as much as your two totally manly arms can carry. You seriously don't get how a lazy asshole like him could be that fucking buff. While you have to carry this shit and do manly and ironic jobs, the asshole Dirk just plays with stupid robots.

You swear, you'll get stronger than the asshole and perhaps give him his own fucking medicine and see how he likes it. Well, he most likely would but hey, at least you're the one finally dominating his ass.

You carry the shit through the elevator then take a few flights for two reasons. One is that Dirk seems to always prank your sorry ass when you fully take the elevator, from spraying you with distilled water from stopping the elevator so he could fuck your pretty ass there. And two, you can show yourself sweaty and tired so Dirk might actually take some pity or some kind of emotion on you and leave you either your ass alone or Doritos for you to eat.

Finally, you are on your floor, the very fucking top, and fuck yes that you are sweating and panting like you run a fucking marathon.

You walk to where the damn room is with tired arms and kick the door with the remaining energy you have for the asshole to open up. That asshole better not have headphones on…

You kick the door again. Your damn patience is so fucking gone.

"Bro! Dirk! Hey asshole! Yo! Dude! I got your shitty Chinese food! Dude! Don't tell me you're taking a fucking shower!" You un-ironically yell. You seriously don't want to wait for a pretentious asshole while carrying your beloved golden nectar and some shitty Chinese food.

What the fuck is taking so long?

Unfortunately, the asshole douche is some sort of fucked up sadist (really, no fucking surprise) as he _now_ opens the door with a shit-eating grin on his face. Behind your aviator shades, you glare at him and push the shitty Chinese food bag to him. You are so going to fucking bed and have an ironic coma…

Dirk chuckles. "Bro, you forgot the chopsticks."

You flip him off before you slam your door, the fucker can get the Hello Kitty plastic chopsticks and use them. You are at your room… that somehow is arousing you for some reason…

…The fuck…?

Okay, something is not fucking right in here… And you don't mean smuppets.

Seriously, you feel like you're going to pop an un-ironic boner in here with the asshole outside, eating shitty Chinese food and playing with his toys called robots. The asshole must have done something since you can't smell anything shitty or see any horrible items like a bedazzled thong or smuppet vibrator.

However, you have lived and been fucked by him way too long to relax and actually think he forgot to leave something, since the asshole is merciless as fuck.

You carefully went to your closet, wondering if it's another smuppet avalanche from there or above. And if there is, where's the goddamn camera?

You quickly open the closet and –Jesus fuck a duck! That was way too fucking close! …And why do you feel hornier now?!

But before you think about your un-ironic and un-cool horniness, you see on the pile that there's not just smuppets… there's shitty candles… Okay, the asshole put a few shitty candles in the smuppet pile… Yeah, that isn't fucking suspicious. Nope. Not at all…

This is a good fucking reason why you don't use closets…

You pick up on of the candles and sniff and –A-Ah…

You shiver for some reason and you shove the candle quickly back to the pile.

W-What the fuck was that?!

You now ignore the pile and the somehow forming boner that is unfortunately and ironically in your skinny jeans. You now have a mission to do. The mission: find these fucking candles and get them the hell away from you room.

…

As your boner gets harder and harder, you quickly find the candles from: behind your beloved turntables, under your ironic and cool bed that is far better and cooler than a shitty futon, around your collection (which is cool and ironic since dead things in jars are, and in your damn drawers.

The worst part is that it's near nighttime and you just spent –no, fucking _waste_ your time on finding weird ass candles in your room with a very painful boner…

Dirk is _so_ going to get this…

You first go take a shower, already cold since the asshole uses all the fucking hot water like the prick he is. You are not jerking off since one, those weird ass fucking candles did it somehow and you're definitely not making your Dave Junior cum because of that.

Shit! What is this?! It feels like fucking icicles hitting him! Goddamn it, the asshole used all the hot water!

…At least it immediately slaughtered that boner of yours…

You wash, smelling fine and refreshed and cool as you'll ever be. You dry up and then reuse the old clothes that you have with a towel covering the bottom half of your face, especially the nose.

Due to having an all-nighter, a strife with you, and fucking you in some shitty form of doggy style that's called the spoons position (shit, you hate the position, it's not even ironic), you're pretty sure Dirk is unconscious of sleep.

And as much as you want to take advantage and have your chance of fucking him, you are not into necrophilia or some shit Dirk says that you have and somehow the asshole's instincts make him wake up whenever you fucking try. So, you carry the candles to where Dirk is sleeping… put what you have next to him… and go back for more with no boner.

…Okay…

…Shit! Is he waking up? …Phew, fuck no…

…And another…

Okay, how many fucking candles are there…?

…You are going to need another towel…

Yup, you are slowly getting a boner…

Think smuppets… think smuppets… think how they are used… Yup, that killed it…

And fucking finally you are done!

Fuck… Now what?

You got all the candles next to Dirk, hidden of course, and you seriously wonder what the fuck you should do…

Well… since these are candles… You guess you could light them up…

_Flick!_

_Flick!_

_Flick!_

_Flick!_

_Flick!_

_Flick!_

It took you some time but you're done. Hell yeah, you're a cool badass with the highest quality of irony possible by lighting these candles. Yeah, you're the coolest, most ironic, and… so fucking sleepy…

Fuck, you need to sleep…

You un-ironically yawn and for the irony of it, stretch a bit. Dirk is still sleeping as you crept out and flash-step to your room, no boner being activated…

Fuck yeah…

You go on your bed with your awesome posters around and the blanket being ironically card symbol printed.

Yup, you are getting sleepy… and…

* * *

…You are still Dave… And…–Holy-Jesus-fucking-on-a-fucking-unicycle!

Someone is fucking choking you with their tongue!

Fuck! You immediately try to kick and punch the mysterious molester to hear a familiar grunt, your fist feeling like it punched a brick wall, and you see a pair of bright citrus eyes…

…Dirk…?

W-What the fuck is he –O-Oh… Ah!

You fail on trying to hold an un-cool moan as you feel the harsh, frantic bites on your neck. Biting harsh with a quick and hard suck, Dirk grips your shoulders tight and painfully. Fuck, you sure as hell are not a masochist b-but… Dirk is…

"Fuck!" You gasp out, feeling the stinging pain of a way too harsh bite…

You seriously try to glare at the asshole with much strength as you can –trying to not let any tears out since you seriously don't want to look like some wimpy bitch who can't handle a bite that fucking draws fucking blood.

But unfortunately, you can't because the great holy irony is making Dirk glare cold and hot on you. Even with your mutant red eyes, the dude in front of you looks like a fucking demon. His amber eyes seem to glow in lust but harden in anger. His lips are baring his canine teeth as they were placed as a snarl. And even though it's nighttime and you could barely see shit, you could unfortunately and ironically thankfully see the blush on him with the causes somehow both being pissed off and aroused as hell.

Okay, you got to admit. Dirk looks hot… ironically of course.

"_Dave_," Oh fuck, he's actually fucking growling! "What the _fuck_ did you do!"

…Wait… what?

"The fuck do you mean? I got your shitty Chinese food and walk on fucking stairs. Do you know how dangerous stairs are, bro? Like, they are–"

"Shut the fuck up, Dave." You immediately shut up. For some reason, you are actually putting little resistance as Dirk actually shows emotions and you might be a bit "bothered" by this.

You can' help but hiss a little as one hand leaves an abused shoulder of yours by fucking grabbing around your chin. You can feel the blunt nails going into your skin and see those acidic orange eyes are closer to you.

"I won't fucking say this _again_," Dirk's growling breath burns your lips, his teeth seem to almost bite them. "What the fuck did you do with those fucking candles?"

You can't help but gave a blank look.

You seriously wouldn't think about candles during a time like this. You would think more about dicks and assholes rather than –F-Fuck!

"_Well_?"

"I…put them in the living room…"

"_And_?"

"I lit them… for ironic purpose of–"

"WHAT!"

* * *

You are now the reader. Then again, this is just saying that you're in third person point of view and the writer may be a lazy ass.

But forget about what person you are or about crazy writers with seemingly no talent, you are here for something and that thing is damn teasing you!

You are where Dirk is now sleeping and before he goes up to Dave's room.

Dirk is fucking struggling to remain in sleep mode since he was fucking tired with all the work he did, especially the damn all-nighter. It was at first a dreamless sleep until the pheromones hit him like a fucking hammer. He quickly sat straight up with eyes bulging out and a straight up boner.

Dirk seriously doesn't know what the fuck is going on at first. He does not usually get boners in the middle or so in the fucking night. He is already wet from the uncomfortable sweat around him even though he's just wearing some tight jeans and some ironic My Little Ponies boxers. And somehow, he is panting and moaning as if he was some sensitive virgin with a vibrator up his ass on high for the first time.

Then Dirk began to sniff and smell the air, trying to hold back in a deep moan as he tenses and shivers of what he inhaled. Fuck! He's so fucking horny, it's not even fucking ironic!

Wait, are the candles that effective?

No, that can't be right!

Dirk tries to stand up as his boner is harder than rock but is sensitive as fuck! Seriously, there is pre-cum smearing almost his entire front! And these were his favorite ironic boxers!

Dave… That's what Dirk is thinking, Dave did this.

There's no one else that damn lives here and Dirk is pretty fucking sure that the prick wants revenge on the Chinese food and him using all the hot water. And fuck, he must have found the candles! Dirk is so going to get back at the damn prick!

That fucker better be horny and submissive as fuck or else Dirk is going to punish him.

Dirk tries to flash-step, trying to not touch his damn boner as he goes to Dave's room and… the prick is asleep! Dirk can actually feel the fresh air that isn't intoxicated with frustrating pheromones… What the fuck did Dave do?!

Dirk quickly goes over the sleeping body, forcefully open his mouth and fucking tongue fuck his entire mouth till he finally wakes up. And thus, you are now at the present with once extremely horny Dirk and a confused as shit Dave. And with the strong and overpowering candles, Dirk just "ironically" went inside his own head and shouts "Fuck it," as he pulls Dave quick and close to bruise Dave's lips with his.

Because what the fuck, Dirk is fucked up horny and this will be Dave's punishment.

Dirk grabs the back of Dave's head, taking a shit ton of hair and roughly pulls. Dave tries to hold back a moan but is too surprised and unprepared for it. One of the fingerless gloved hand is pulling down, exposing more of Dave's neck. The other hand is trying to get the obnoxious zipper down.

Of course, there's no way Dave would be submissive as fuck.

In return, Dave uses one of his hands to grip the wrist that's trying to get in his pants literally. He rakes and digs his blunt nails as much as he can in that gelled and thick hair of Dirk's. Dirk growls as Dave bites hard on his bottom lip, not giving a fuck if it's starting to bleed or not.

The hot aroma of those candles is creeping inside Dave's room, ready to flood it and them.

Dirk jerks forward, trying to rub his magma hot and rock ass hard erection into Dave. He counter-grabs Dave's wrists, twisting it a little as lifts both his and Dave's above Dave's head quickly and harshly. Dave whines in pain and arousal. Of course, he just had to be a masochist.

Dirk thrusts his tongue into Dave's mouth. Desperately, Dirk's tongue travels around the moist cavern, blocking air for Dave to breath. Dave shutters, feeling the choking block as his heart hammers harder than before. His body seems to paralyze as Dirk fucks him in the mouth while the free hand now grabs Dave's crotch.

Dave moves his mouth away, not caring if Dirk's tongue bleeds from his canine teeth. However, his neck is wide open for biting season as Dirk immediately goes for his neck. There's no grazing, it's full-out biting. Dirk roughly chomps down where his shoulder and neck, not carrying if it bleeds or not. Dave gasps and tightens his grip on the gelled scalp.

Dirk goes high on Dave's neck, bruising it as much as he can. He could hear the increasing and heavier pants while the overwhelming aroma chokes them and as Dirk heavily palms his forming erection. Up and down, Dirk palms him rough and thoroughly.

Dave tries to push Dirk off, letting go of the now messed up scalp and fails of pushing on that damn shoulder. But of course, that's a bad move. Dirk stops palming his crotch and immediately takes the offending hand off his shoulder and makes it join with the other hand. Of course, even with a raging boner, Dirk easily flash-moves to take an obnoxious belt off of him and use it for good use.

"The fuck?! Bro, you seriously doing bondage on a poor maiden in distress like me?"

Dirk snorts. Of course, Dave doesn't know how to shut his damn mouth.

"I don't see any maiden, just an asshole."

"Wow, rude. And here I am, giving you my innocence."

"You have no innocence."

"Hey, I so do have innocence. I mean, I may not have as much innocence like some weird ass "kawaii-desu" girls in those fucking anime yaois of yours since a certain asshole keeps being a damn fucking pervert and –Ah!"

Dave tries to glare at the smirking Dirk as the gloved hand is harshly gripping his bulge. Dave tries not to shiver and bites back a moan. The palm is rutting the painful bulge up and down, making Dave wish for it to be out of its clothing barrier already. With that, Dirk roughly ties Dave's arms above his head with ease. Belts may not be the most reliant for bondage but that doesn't fucking matter.

With force, Dirk has the zipper done and goes past the ironic smuppet-printed boxer to feel Dave's pubic hair. Dave jolts at the gloved hand on one of his utterly uncool weak spots. The aroma is clogging up his nose, blocking about every common sense. Dirk keeps rubbing up and down, trying to tease Dave as much as he can while the foreign and heavy scent chokes on both of them. Dave struggles, biting the inside of his mouth from looking weak. He tries to kick Dirk off but the asshole easily caught it and spreads the leg out to the side, exposing more of Dave.

Dave could feel his face more on fire as the gloved hand gets little by little lower. He knows he could cease the torturous teasing by simply begging but there's no way in hell he's going to give in this quick!

He wiggles around, trying to ignore the sensation of the rough leather on his wrists and the tighter grip that's on his lower thigh now. Dave tries to glare and bare his teeth at the smirking face of Dirk. But Dave shuts his eyes and lets out a groan as Dirk's other hand found his cock.

Dave bites his bottom lip as he squeezes his eyes tighter. Fuck, he has Dave Junior!

Dirk chuckles, he knows how to jack off a guy, especially Dave. He grips it tight and firm enough, giving a slow stroke up and down to see Dave let out a moan and having his neck wide open. Dirk leans, still gripping his thigh with one hand and Dave's dick with the other, and goes for the neck. Dirk licks the now unblemished (with a few harsh bites that Dirk will just ignore) neck from the end of the shoulder slowly and roughly up to Dave's ear. Dirk flicks his tongue right at the tip of the ear and watches it turn red. After that, he bites it and nibbles it a bit. Dirk could feel Dave squirming and still resisting Dirk's touches. Dave harshly turns his head to head-butt Dirk.

Dirk quickly leans back and lets out a pained curse. Dave glares at Dirk while Dirk glares right back at Dave.

"What the fuck was that, Dave?"

"Fuck you, I'm not some bitch! And seriously, what the fuck is with the Febreze fog? Shit is choking me!"

Dirk couldn't help but wrinkle his nose a little.

The candles have been overpowering as his hard and pulsing boner is bothering the fuck out of him. But does Dave seriously don't know what he did? He just lit a dozen of aphrodisiac candles that can give a few elephants horny as shit.

"Dude, you're a fucking idiot."

And Dirk says no more. He quickly licks his hand and has it grab Dave's dick again. Dave groans at the more welcoming hand and whip his head to a side. Of course, Dirk is a fast learner and doesn't immediately go for the easy and open neck. And he does need to punish Dave for that head-butt…

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!_

"Ah shit dude! That's one of my favorite tees!"

"You got one of my boxers ruined, asshole."

"Okay, how the fuck is that _my_ problem? I mean, I'm a sexy beast and rock hard, hot statue but there's no way I caused you to cream yourself."

Dirk growls as Dave actually smirks with a completely ripped t-shirt and a hand on his dick. Fucker.

So Dirk did the next thing he had on his mind.

He lets go of Dave's dick and uses both his hands and strength to flip Dave around. Dave lets out a loud curse of pain as his arms are now crossed and more restricted. But Dave is ironically a masochist. He couldn't help but feel the rush as the increased amount of restraint goes on in his arms. Dave shivers as he tries to resist and move but can't. The hard pulsing going in his arms bent loud in Dave's ears while Dirk is readying for something. Dave knows Dirk is getting ready for something, he always does.

_Smack!_

Dave couldn't help but gasp. Ironically, Dirk is punishing Dave for the "ruined" boxer that Dirk did on himself. And Dave's ass is wide open for the merciless smacking.

_Smack!_

Fuck! Dave tries not to groan as he feels the pain and arousal stinging him. But Dave could feel it. The blood is trying to pump through his restricted arms while one of his cheeks is turning bright pinkish red.

_Smack!_

Dave couldn't help but feel his eyes screwed up shut. There was his ironic Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff boxers still on and being an annoying fabric barrier for his rising Dave Junior. The fabric feels rough against it, pre-cum trying to sooth his dick. Now, Dave could feel the blood rushing through his arms, his ass, and his forming boner.

_Smack!_

And every time Dave tries to take a deep breath, his lungs are choking from the aroma of those mystery candles.

_Smack!_

"Shit!" And then Dave inwardly curses himself. He just had to let out a weakness in front (well, not exactly front) of one of the biggest assholes there is in this shitty planet –actually, in this shitty universe.

_Smack!_

"You like that, don't you, Davey boy."

"That is the most cliché and cheesiest porn line I have ever heard." Dave growls. "This is even worse than the time I had my precious eyes witness Boku no Pico –shit is more corrupting than Two Girls and One Cup."

"Like you have right to speak, shithead."

Dave tries to move his head as much as he can to glare at Dirk. His arms are constricting even more and more blood is pumping and rushing through Dave. And Dave knows that Dirk knows Dave is secretly enjoying this. However, Dave's arms is pumping hard and turning limper more and more.

_Smack!_

"Fuck!" Dave curses out and chokes a sob. Sure, Dave is a masochist but there's a thing about too much pain. "Goddamn it, Dirk, my arms are getting limp like those shitty string noodles! Get this belt off of me!"

"Beg."

"What?"

"I said beg, bitch." Dirk smirks. He actually leans back and crosses his arms as he easily can see the shock displayed in Dave's body. "Just beg and I'll obey."

"Oh, you got to be _fucking_ kidding me!" Dave yells out. Dave tries to move his head again and with similar results, his arms became limper and a sharp pain surges through. Dave bites the inside of his cheek to prevent the whine of pain. "I am _not_ going to beg. I'm way too cool for that shit."

"Oh come on, shithead. It's ironic."

"Suck my fucking balls."

Dirk smirks at this retort Dave's ironic smuppet boxers is still down to Dave's kneecaps but a touch of it is covering Dave's dick and said balls as well as he puckered and tight hole that Dirk puts his dick in. Of course, that had to change. Dirk grabs the boxers and pushes it down to reveal all the goods. Dirk can see how tense Dave with those cheeks tight together, as if trying to cover the puckered hole from Dirk.

Dirk can also see the reddish marks forming from all those slaps he did. He puts his hands on Dave's ass, each on a cheek, and begins to rub in circles with his thumbs. Dirk can hear the faint groans as he keeps rubbing those red marks and Dirk can feel Dave getting less and less tense. Now he uses his hands to rub those butt cheeks, getting them more and more spread out, Dave tries not to shudder or even twitch at the pleasure given to his ass while his arms are still going limper. Of course, Dirk doesn't quit there.

Dirk crouches down near the puckered hole is. The cheeks are spread out to expose the tight hole right in front of Dirk. The hole is so pink and clean and still tight after all those times. Dirk licks his lips before taking a long swipe on the butthole. Dave's body can't lie as his ass cheeks tense and his legs quiver. Of course, Dirk takes one deep chuckle and continues to slowly lick and tease, torturing Dave even more. His thumbs are still massaging the reddened cheeks that Dave is subconsciously spreading out more and more for the teasing torture.

"F-Fuck…!"

Dirk chuckles again. Dave is succumbing to him, being more submissive than the beginning of this. The aroma of the candles is _really_ helping Dirk. He can hear Dave pant quietly yet audible and deep enough for Dirk to closely listen. Dave can deny and rebel all he wants but he's Dirk's bitch throughout. And the fighting back isn't bothersome really, Dirk always love a challenge and finds it very arousing to have all that "hard" work award him _very_ nicely.

And enough of licking over the puckered hole, Dirk moves his hands a little to have his fingers close to the virgin-tight hole. Using his index and middle fingers, Dirk pulls it a tad wider to ready himself for what he's about to do.

"Dude, what the fuck are you –F-F-FUCK!" Dave screams out as a familiar pink muscle is licking and "tasting" him on the inside. Rough and merciless, Dirk uses his tongue thrusts in and out of Dave. Dirk licks the clean and pink muscles around, making Dave gasp more and more. Dirk thrusts his tongue out and does a hard suck on Dave. "Motherfuck! Fuck! Goddamn it, Dirk, you are such an ass-sucker… Fuck! T-This means nothing!"

Dirk takes his mouth off of Dave's ass and glare at the back of Dave's head. A second later, Dirk slaps Dave's ass, _hard_. Dave immediately responds.

"SMUPPET-FUCK! That fucking hurts, asshole!"

"Shut the fuck up." Dirk growls. "I've been going nice for you yet you continue that stupid bitchy tsundere act. I'm horny and that dick of yours isn't exactly soft."

"Oh fuck off. This whole candle crap is your damn fault!"

"This could be easier if you just begged." Dirk crosses his arms. "Seriously, why the fuck are you in such a bitchy mood?"

Dave pants a deep breath in. He tries to glare at Dirk but Dave isn't exactly a gymnast or some weird freaky possessed Exorcist child. His arms seem to be completely limp and really, turning his waist to attempt to even see a fraction of Dirk's leg is seriously a pain in the ass on his ribs! So, Dave just stares straight at the headboard.

"You broke one of my favorite shitty sword, demanded me to get your shitty Chinese food after fucking my sweet ass, put weird-ass candles in my room, and you expect me to be submissive as fuck for you?"

Dave did have a point. Dirk knows that. With those actions, Dave does deserve something. And Dirk did like the Chinese food delivered, it's still fresh and warm when he got it.

Dave waits for Dirk's response. Seriously what the hell is Dirk going to do?

Dirk then leans on Dave, his erection on his ass. Deja fucking vu. Dave couldn't help but be un-ironically surprised when Dirk unties the belt on his arms. Of course, Dave's arms are completely limp and Dave's face immediately fall down to the mattress.

Dave gasps in surprise when suddenly, Dirk grabs the red-eyed male's waist and flips him on his back.

"Hey, I'll give you something so don't be so piss-poor, 'kay?"

But before Dave could respond or make a witty and ironic comment, Dirk then takes a long and slow lick from his balls to the tip. Dave shivers at the wet and rough contact of Dirk's tongue. He tries to move his arms to be more comfortable but because they're limp as fuck, Dave can't move them. Dirk, somehow being generous, actually grabs the arms and move them into a more comfortable pose while still taking teasing licks on Dave's dick. His rough tongue is rubbing his sensitive cock. Dave tries not to get harder at the attention and teasing tongue and breath.

Of course, Dirk doesn't give up –far from it.

Dirk's mouth moves a little slowly that his lips brush the tip. Dave's dick twitches at this. Dirk inwardly chuckles as he smirks down at Dave. No matter how much that mouth lies, Dave's body wants him, lasts for him, needs him. Sure, Dave can be annoying with all his denying but the body never lies and Dirk always likes a challenge.

It makes all the work worthwhile~.

Dirk puts a teasing finger on top of the tip and ever so gently, let the finger circle around the tip –sometimes giving it short strokes. His tongue is now taking licks below the tip with veins starting to show. Dave's tsundere-ness is faltering as he begins to openly pant out and even lets out a few unguarded moans breath out. Maybe it's ironic to be generous at times… Dirk will just keep a note in the back of his head. He can feel from his finger and his tongue the pulse, getting more noticeable and harder. Dave is losing his guard and fast, his once half-hard penis is springing up and shots bits of pre-cum out of his tip.

"God –ah~ -Goddamn it…!"

"Come on, Dave, beg. It'll be easier for you and me." Dirk breathes out.

"F-Fuck…" Dave curses out. Yeah, that's definitely not begging.

Of course, Dirk has to tease him even harder. He gives one last lick off Dave's dick and has his finger off the tip. He simply smirks down at the glaring Dave who is getting his arms more awake than they were previously. Hey, Dirk had been a bit generous towards Dave. He isn't some slut waiting to suck a guy off for ten bucks. Dirk will need some "convincing", AKA begging. But first, Dirk had to do a little move.

Dirk usually doesn't do this but the move is both ironic and winner. Dirk simply leans back a little with his head tilted a bit to the side. He then simply lifts the hand with the finger that about half covered in pre-cum close to his smirking lips. Dirk makes sure to keep eye to eye as he simply does his final move. He manly giggles –since chuckling isn't ironic enough for this move –and has his tongue dart out so he could simply wipe the salty pre-cum off his finger. And it still works as Dave's eyes are widened out and lips are parted wide enough as if he wants to lick his dry lips and beg now.

And it turns out it doesn't take as long as the usual time since the suffocating aroma of aphrodisiac candles, Dave actually grabs Dirks' head and glares eye to eye with his irises glowing like they're molten lave.

"Suck me, asshole."

Slowly, Dirk smirks wide and proud. To normal people, it may not seem to be begging but it is Dave's way of begging and that's simply enough.

So, Dirk simply starts by taking a long and slow lick for his balls to the tip that's red and a bit wet of its own pre-cum. Of course, the lightening grip on Dirk's shoulders simply orders for action now and no more of the teasing bullcrap. And Dirk shall obey.

As if one fluent swoop, Dirk has half of Dave's dick in his mouth. Dave tilts his head back and groans as he feels the slick and tight hole that is Dirk's mouth as the cheeks hollow, the tongue swirls around, and suction is happening. Of course, Dirk doesn't stop. He has the hand that played with the tip now stroking behind the balls, a spot that gets Dave all bothered while Dirk swallowing more and more and sucking it as much as he can. The head is just tickling his uvula but Dirk is definitely not a virgin and both swallow and suck some more of Dave. Dirk does a little choke but continues on.

Dave is panting wild and fast, trying to restrain himself of pre-ejaculation but the aroma filling his lungs is not helping at all. His hands are gripping at the back of Dirk's head, pulling Dirk to take more of him. Shit, this smell is making Dave more compliant.

"F-Fuck… y-you're such a f-fucking asshole…! W-When this is over, I-I will –Fuck! –I will fucking dominate your ass!'

Dirk rolls his eyes and continues sucking, maybe even having his teeth gently scrape Dave's length. It isn't that big but it's definitely good enough that Dirk can deep throat the fuck out of Dave. Dirk could feel Dave's pubes at the tip of his nose. Finally, he takes a deep breath and forces the rest of Dave's dick in him. Dirk couldn't help but chuckle as Dave gasps and cries out.

Dave couldn't help but feel the complete pleasure of the heat engulfing and sucking his dick off. The rough tongue is licking and swirling around his length. Hot breath is tingling his pelvis while hot red lips and smoldering amber eyes is all Dave can focus on. Dave really is trying but with those tangerine eyes, the heat surrounding his length, and the suffocating aroma, he really is starting to give. Hell, Dave might as well as enjoy the fuck out of it.

"H-Hurry the fuck up," Dave hisses and grips tighter at Dirk's stupid hair. "I've seen a smuppet being customized and fucking made than your –fuck!"

Of course, Dirk doesn't let Dave finish his untrue sentence. He takes his mouth almost away from Dave's length with only the tip that tastes salty due to the pre-cum and makes himself slam back to engulf Dave's dick in one "gulp". And Dirk doesn't stop there. He keeps going away and slamming back down in a fluent pattern, getting quicker and quicker. Dave groans and moans in appreciation, helping even as he tries to face-fuck Dirk. Back and forth, back and forth, Dirk slams himself again and again to taste the saltiness and distract taste of Dave's own length. Dave tries to help, trying to have the tight and mouth sucking him again while his head is thrown back and eyes are barely open, trying to keep watching Dirk sucking him off.

"F-Fucking Jesus on a unicycle, I-I'm close!" Dave pants out. "B-Bro, I-I'm –Shit! –I'm close, goddamn it!"

Dirk takes his cue on going faster, sucking harder. One hand is still gripping Dave's hip while the other is jiggling his balls. Yeah, Dirk is great at multi-tasking and the desperate moans are echoing out of Dave's mouth. Of course, Dirk is tempted to just stop and really tease the fuck out of Dave and hear his obnoxious whines but there's a _dessert_ that Dirk wants quite soon.

After a few hard sucks, Dave's gripping hands forcibly pulled on Dirk's head, almost choking in surprise, before finally releasing and letting out a wailing moan that seems to echo the entire apartment. Dirk couldn't help but let a moan out himself as he could feel the hot, milky, and salty semen going down in his throat and is quite overfilling as Dave's cock has released a lot.

Dirk slowly takes his mouth off, sucking and gulping late cum as he goes. But Dirk notices something. Dave's dick is still hard as fuck.

Damn, these candles are working more than Dirk actually suspected if Dave isn't getting soft at all. Well, Dirk's fantasy of multi-orgasm might actually come true.

Finally, Dirk did a final kiss and suck on Dave's tip, making a nice and wet popping sound. Then, he smirks. "My turn, asshole."

Dave just had a second of looking at Dirk confused before Dirk manhandles him and turned Dave around 180. Dave didn't have the time to actually blink in surprise before he hears it. Dirk has fucking zipped his zipper down. Dave couldn't help but curse, he seriously doesn't like doggy style with all the stupid teasing touching but then again, Dave doesn't get to see Dirk's fuck-ugly smug face.

"So Dave," Dirk coos, Dave groans as he could hear the fuck-ugly smugness off of Dirk's voice. "Are you going to be good or what?"

"Oh fuck you, man," Dave hisses out. "I had just blown my load in that mouth of yours, give me a damn break."

Dirk simply chuckles. He isn't going to give Dave a break. Really, what's the fun and irony of that? It's not. Dave should know that by now.

Dirk simply has his boxer-clothed cock between Dave's ass-cheeks. The puckered hole is tight-looking and tempting to just try to dry-fuck but Dirk is a Southern gentleman and he isn't going to let himself enjoy this. Dave will give in like always. Slowly, Dirk rubs his clothed cock up and down rubbing on the tight and pink hole. Of course, Dirk has to have both of his hands grabbing the plush ass cheeks as they tense and actually try to close the desiring puckered hole.

Dave groans as he feels the teasing dick rubbing him. The rough fabric is adding the tension and teasing. Dave really fucking hates Dirk. Dirk is rubbing on him really hard and rough that Dave could feel those metal beads that are pierced in Dirk's cock. Dave tries to use his arms to get out this shitty position but the jackass with the triangular shitty shades has his hands gripping on his "delicate" hips and pushing Dave's face to the wall.

"Come on, asshat," Dirk growls with a toothy smirk, "You know you want it like a two-cent slut with vibrator and a smuppet inside the ass."

Dave tries to use his own ass to push Dirk back but it totally fucking backfired as he feels more of the rough rubbing heat. It's a really bad fucking idea. Dave's face is slammed to the wall once again. The hot and wet clothed rod is teasing the puckered hole –sometimes the clothed head is pressing into the hole, as if tempting both of them for what will happen soon. And both know what has to happen.

"Come on, Dave," Dirk growls with an impatient tone. He's rubbing Dave as hard and rough like thrusts while trying not to finish while his boxers are still on. "Stop being a little shit and be submissive for once! These candles aren't shitty cheap!"

"F-Fuck you! Those candles are more fucked up than your goddamn smuppets!"

In frustration, Dirk stops thrusting up Dave's ass and finally shoves his boxers down. With the frustrating cloth down, Dirk uses his naked cock to finally get a little bit of the head inside of Dave. He makes sure he is thrusting quickly in and out but not too much that Dirk is actually dry-fucking him in both standards.

Dave couldn't help but moan at the extreme teasing. He isn't going to deny that he is used to and likes it taking it up the ass. The choking and arousing aroma of the candles is bothering Dave more and more with the head of the dick rubbing and pushing at his asshole. His mouth is panting hard for more air and tries to contain every moan. Dirk is cursing and cussing out ironic flirt insults to Dave –turning Dave more on and on. It really is getting harder and harder to resist.

Dave really tries to go on, to keep up the fight, but it's so fucking tempting and hard… The aroma of the candles really is getting to Dave, making him less and less resistant. Dave could feel himself turning into jelly as he is melting to the arousing heat. He is giving up quick and is really ready for something else.

"F-Fuck…! D-Dirk…" Dave pants out as he tries to push his face off the wall. "Hurry this sh-shit up already!"

Dirk is of course not happy and then growls as if he is some animal. Dirk just rubs his cock up and down roughly and quickly between Dave's ass cheeks. Dirk knows Dave is getting submissive as shit but the tangerine-eyed blond wants more. He wants Dave to beg. He wants Dave to shout what he wants, scream for it like a desperate whore. He wants Dave to shut out what he wants, scream for it like a desperate whore. He wants Dave to fucking beg for his cock.

"Come on, Davey," Dirk huffs out. "I know you want it but I can't hear you."

"Sh-Shit! Y-You fucker!" Dave curses out as he clenches the sheets and pillow.

"Beg. I'll make it unforgettable. I'll let it fucking burn in your memory and make you covered like a smuppet pile. I'll make you my damn bitch in fucking heat, wanting and needing my dick to relieve. Just beg, fucker."

"F-Fuck you! T-That's shitty dirty t-talk –Fuck!" Dave could feel part of the tip getting in more than usual. Drips of pre-cum are inside Dave. It took Dave a surprise and Dave inwardly thanks that he is actually used to this shit. But unlike the other teasing thrusts, Dirk takes his sweet and savoring time as he ever so slowly pulls it out. "Y-You f-fucking cheat!"

"Tick tock, asshat," Dirk breathes out. "Just give in and beg. I'll make every second ecstasy."

Dave groans as he feels the head out of his puckered hole. Should he really give in? He seriously hates when Dirk wins and gets what he wants –but fuck! He is fucking horny as hell! Dave inwardly curses at himself for being horny as fuck, for Dirk being the typical asshole he is, and for these shitty candles!

Dave hates giving in but really, he is horny as fuck and Dirk will continue to be an annoying ass so really, Dave should ironically give in –but for irony only.

"Well?"

"Fine," Dave growls. "Hurry up and put it in."

"Dude, you could do better than that. At least have something more than a shitty porn line, you can do a fuck lot better than that."

Dave can't help but groan in irritation. Dirk is a spoiled bratty asshole. Dave isn't some porn star though his body is rocking hard and handsome. But Dirk wants these shitty and cliché ironic things during fucking. Sometimes, Dirk would be an idiot and try to use a smuppet but thanks to Dave's coolness, Dirk wasn't successful and had a bloody nose. Definitely that was a point for Dave. But Dave is having a major boner with the shitty aroma that he'll be submissive –just this once!

"Fine," Dave answers before taking a deep breath in. He readies himself for the clearly irony that's going to come out of his mouth. "Oh Dirk, _please_ put it in! Pound me until I'm filled! I need your cock! Fuck me like the fucker you are!"

Okay, the dirty talking and begging is ironically exaggerated but hey, at least Dirk is satisfied. Dave can tell when he hears the ruffling and shuffling of Dirk trying to find the lube in his pants or somewhere elsewhere. Dave takes a deep sigh out. Finally, it took way too fucking long!

Dirk pops the cap and the faint smell of oranges joins the overwhelming aroma. Dirk had bought lube that would smell and taste either like apples or oranges. Dave can't exactly smell the lube as aroma of the burning candles is the only thing that he seems to be breathing of. Dirk pours the cool lube on his open palm and rubs it to his fingers to warm the lube up.

Of course, Dave is impatient. Dave shoves his ass back at Dirk, unintentionally rubbing Dirk's dick but having it shoved back to his pelvis. Dirk cusses under his breath but slap Dave's ass. Luckily, it's not the hand with the lube.

_Smack!_

"Mother-fuck!"

"Be fucking patient, asshole. I'm getting ready."

"Fuck you, I begged like some cheap dollar whore, I deserve a damn award."

Dirk rolls his eyes. Dave can be an insufferable prick but his ass is tight. Dirk has his lube-covered index finger circling around the pink puckered hole for a little teasing before fully inserting the finger inside. Dave tenses a little but is very relaxed while clenching more and more of Dirk's finger. Of course Dave isn't the only one impatient one. Dirk had his index finger halfway in but then inserts his middle finger. Dave gasps in surprise but Dirk simply ignores it and shoves both his fingers in more until his knuckles have stopped it. Really, the insertion of the fingers are pretty quick since there was that strife early back but Dave's hole is still tight as fuck. In and out, Dirk's fingers went as if pre-fucking him. He stretches his fingers apart, scissoring even though it's still a bit loose from their previous fucking.

Dave gasps and moans as Dirk's fingers just brushed his prostate. Dirk simply chuckles and "accidently" brush it a few more times. With Dave distracted, Dirk sneaks the third finger in and has all his three fingers thrusting in and out to stretch and please Dave at the same time. Dave tries to hold his moans but Dirk can still hear them and simply brush against his prostate. The aroma of the candles combined with the scent of oranges is filling Dirks nose, as if tempting to take Dave now.

"F-Fucking shit! Fuck!" Dave curses out when Dirk had actually accidently did more than just a brush on his prostate. His hands are gripping on the sheets as more pressure is causing more pleasure pulsing through him.

Of course, Dirk takes his fingers off of the puckered hole to have his dick the attention and pleasure that it needs. Dirk pours more lube on his hand and goes for his cock, flinching and cursing under his breath of the coldness as he didn't rub the lube warm. But Dirk keeps going. He pumps up and down to have his entire dick covered in the orange-scented lube. He lets out a chuckling smirk as a thought of his dick is now a hot orange popsicle stick crossed his mind. But it's not ironic enough for Dirk to say it and there's something more primary for him that he needs to do. He aligns his lube-coated rod up to the pink tight hole with both his hands clenching Dave's hips.

"Fucking finally, asshole," Dave breathes out as he had snaked both his hands against the wall. "If you ever buy these shitty candles again, I'll fucking move out of this shitty apartment."

"Yeah, yeah, shut up." Dirk growls.

The dick is pressing slightly into Dave's hole, both the guys groan at the feeling. Dirk isn't a complete asshole as he slowly inserts his dick inside of Dave. Sure, Dave is used to the feeling and isn't really tense at all but hey, Dirk can be a Southern gentleman if he wants. Slowly, Dirk puts his dick in more and more into Dave. The slickness and tightness of Dave's hole is sucking Dirk's dick in.

There is that familiar pain tinging around Dave but Dave is definitely used to it. He could feel his hole expanding and stretching to the familiar feeling. Dave bites down his bottom lip and holds a groan as he grips the sheets tighter with his knuckles turning white. He sucks in a few breathes in and out. He could feel half of Dirk's dick in him and Dirk is taking his sweet ass time putting it in. Dave moves his ass to get more of Dirk's cock but of course, Dirk has both his hands keeping Dave in his position.

"You're pretty much an ironic slut, Dave." Dirk coos as he continues to insert more of his cock in. "Everything about you is good enough but your mouth is fucking shitty. You're like my ironic bitch, all hot yet damn annoying."

Dave can't help but growl. He has one of his fists He has one of his fists off the sheets and slamming the wall to half-successfully turn his head and half-glare at the smirking Dirk. He really wants to kick his damn face but Dirk's schlong is about –F-Fuck!

Dave couldn't help but slam his forehead to his mattress and have his hand scratch a bit of the wall and gripping on his pillow. Dave moans as he feels Dirk's entire cock in him. Dirk's goddamn balls are touching and pressing on his ass cheeks. Dave could easily feel Dirk's damn heartbeat in his damn long rod. Dave could hear Dirk panting and obviously enjoying it. Dave can't help but ironically help Dirk enjoy it more by moving his ass side to side with a nice rhythm that's slow and teasing for both hi and Dirk. Both groan at the feeling they are getting.

"Fuck, you want me to pound your damn ass now?" Dirk pants out as he tries to chuckle to ironically add more of the dirty talk.

"_No_," Dave groans out sarcastically and rolls his eyes. "I want to take your fucking time while your damn dick is in me and these shitty smelly candles is fucking going on. Maybe I can rethink about my fucking life choices while you –Fucking shit!"

Dirk finally moves. His dick quickly goes out with the head only and then slams it back to the puckered hole. There is no need to go slow. With all the fucking they did, Dirk can go rough and hard as much as he want. Dirk airily chuckles as Dave arches his back and ironically offering his ass to Dirk.

And this is where all the fun begins~.

Of course, Dirk begins a good rhythm for something "slow" for both of them can simply handle and can easily get faster as it goes on. "Slowly" in and out, Dirk just thrusts with no angle to really satisfy Dave. A wet smack follows every thrust while Dave gasps at heavily at the pace going on.

Dave slowly unclenches the hand with the sheets and shakily moves it up to the wall, pushing towards the wall to give out more air in him and raggedly groans out. Dave could feel his pulse beating hard as he breathes more of the aroma and sucking Dirk's cock in again and again. The heating cock is pushing in and out sensually, even though there are no real efforts on brushing or poking or ramming on Dave's pleasure spot.

But of course, Dirk gets quicker, faster with his thrusts. Hands are gripping tight as they help push and pull in and out to a more erratic pace. The wet smacks grow louder, Dave's gasps are turning into mewls and groans, and Dirk is angling closer to Dave's prostate. Dirk can feel Dave relaxing more and definitely enjoying it more. Dirk is seriously working his ass off as it clenches and unclenches, moving back and forth as he thrusts quicker and harder to Dave's tight hole. The sheer sweat is beginning to coat on both of them.

"F-Fuck! Y-You better make this f-fucking good!" Dave pants out.

"Shut up, Dave," Dirk grunts as he continues to thrust in and out of Dave. "I am making this shit good already, assfuck."

Dave opens his mouth to insult Dirk but then Dave is blinded by white. Dirk finally found it and is done with simply brushing on it. Dave can't help but mewl out loud as he shivers and tightens up. The hand on the wall goes limp and begins to clench the sheets again. Dave arches his hips and back as he pants out for air, tasting the saltiness of sweat with the mystery aroma of the candles as he keeps seeing stars in every thrust. His forehead is pressing on his pillow as his eyes shut tight and his mouth open and panting for the choking and hot aroma.

In and out, Dirk rams Dave's hole and prostate. Dirk's thrusts continue to go faster and rougher and harder. Dirk's hands are gripping fighter that Dave's hips are completely marked red. His balls are hitting Dave's ass cheeks while Dave's dick is fully erect and dripping pre-cum on the sheets. Sweat is all around Dave and Dirk with grunts and moans echoing in the room. The hot, wet, erratic smacks continue to be intense and raucous and wanton. It is hot and sinful as the pattern goes quicker and harsher and harder. Dave is trying to help by moving back and forth to get more and more of Dirk's cock in him. Dirk is doing all he can to slam everything he has to Dave's pleasure spot.

Both panting, both sweating, both enjoying and wanting it to never stop. They feel and shiver at the pleasure given by one another. Both are inhaling the erotic aroma, exhaling moans and groans as they keep going on their rhythm. They are getting dizzy and melting at the pleasure and heat as none quit to stop anything. Breaths are hitching, skin prickles and quakes, and brains short-circuiting. It is in and out, giving and taking, pitching and catching, pushing and receiving –a frantic and passionate rhythm that can't be stopped by anything.

Both of their knuckles are white at gripping and clenching their object. The mattress springs are creaking out with it moving back and forth with the rhythm. But the rhythm is getting to its climax and the pattern is going crazy.

Dirk begins to not care of hitting Dave's weak spot and does everything he got and more on ramming and slamming as much as he can. One of his hands stopped gripping Dave's hips and goes for Dave's dick. Grabbing the shaft, Dirk moves his hand up and down to the rhythm of his thrusts. Dirk could feel himself close, almost ready to explode his white salty load into Dave.

Dirk can't help but lean and take desperate thrusts while Dave bites hard on his bottom lip, bleeding a bit of how hard he is trying to stop the moans from escaping. Dave is close too –ready to blow his load all over his sheets as the captivating and consuming heat keeps going on and increasing too quickly for Dave to handle.

Though struggling to continue, Dave and Dirk dissolved into the complete pleasure.

Shudder, quake, and moan as both let out and release their trails of fire. Dave shivers and gasps as he could feel the hot liquid filling him up and some dripping out of his hole and trailing around his thighs. Dave could feel the warmth of the pool of his cum wetting and drowning his sheets. Dave curses under his breath, he had to wash his totally ironic sheets. But all Dave could do now is simply trying to catch his breath.

Time seems to go still with both of them panting to catch some breaths. Really, it takes a hell lot of energy and breath out of one fucking –especially one as long as this one.

But there's something erroneous going on…

"Dude, Dirk, get your flabby ass dick off my ass." Dave groans out. He tries turning a little around to glare at Dirk but he's no gymnast and Dirk has his face on his back. "Come on, I don't want some jiggle-jelly cock in my ass! If I did, I would have been some ironic gold-digger with a bitching and ironic attitude."

Dirk still doesn't move. Okay, that's suspicious to Dave. Why the fuck isn't Dirk doing anything and –t-the FUCK?!

Did Dirk just thrust into Dave again –with his dick still somehow hard?!

"Yeah right, fuck-ass," Dirk grunts with a chuckle. "These fucking candles are still burning and melting –they'll stop… when nighttime is damn over."

Dave couldn't help but widen his eyes. He looks back at his own dick and there it is, still somehow hard and erect. Dave then feels it. His heart is bumping quicker and harder again as if readying itself for another round. Dave can't help but curse at the candles, he shouldn't have burned them and–

"S-Shit! Y-You fucking asshole…"

"Like you're the one to talk, Dave."

Dave could have said something clever, witty, and ironic if Dirk hasn't used his flash-step to have the red-eyed hottie on his back. Missionary has always been an ironic position to Dirk.

"Round two, fucker." Dirk purrs.

All Dave could do is to Dirk is giving the double middle finger combo before Dirk begins again.

It should be so fucking damn long, Dave thought.

* * *

"I fucking hate you. I hate your dick-prick personality, your horse ass face, your weird-fuck fetish for cartoon ponies, your stupid wannabe shades, and you in fucking general."

Dirk can't help but openly roll his eyes and inwardly chuckle. Dave is still bitching about the night with the aphrodisiac candles. Sure, Dirk had did more than two rounds –_way_ more than two round and was still fucking Dave when morning actually came, but Dirk is a bit "sorry" for it. Dave's legs were completely useless and are like springy and wobbly jelly that he had to stay in Dirk's bed while Dirk did everything.

He cleaned Dave's ironic sheets, cleaned the solid and damn messy wax off from once was candles, took care of Dave while he's bitching out 24/7, and buy groceries with stuff Dave actually likes. There's also fixing the car, Dirk definitely fixed that car and it's been running somewhat good. He'll just have to buy a new one.

At least, Dave is walking –even though there's still a little limp going on. But hey, Dave is almost back to his regular bitchy ass self.

"Yeah, yeah," Dirk replies while putting down the groceries that are in ironically paper bags. "I got the grocery shit –I even got that shitty apple pie that you fucking like."

"Hey, apple pie is fucking ironic." Dave answers as he "walks" towards the grocery with obvious curiosity of what's in them. "So, you got my apple juice, right? It's like nectar from a goddess of irony's big tits. I can't survive without that shit."

"Not really, Dirk shrugs and then chuckles at the wide-eyed glare from Dave. "I just got something else that may be similar to your shitty piss juice."

"Apple juice ain't piss, fuckhead." Dave grumbles angrily.

"Just hurry up and look, "Dirk says. "Shit was on sale and it seems like all the apple juice is sold out due to crazy sugar addict kids liking them too damn much."

Dave simply flips Dirk off while searching the holder of the liquid that's somehow similar to the godly nectar. Dirk better not be fucking around with Dave's ironic obsession over precious and beloved apple juice. If Dirk is, Dave has to literally piss on one of the Rainbow Dash plushies. Luckily, Dave finds it. It's called… apple cider…

"The fuck is apple cider?" Dave asks out loud while examining the gallon bottle. It's not the nice and clear yellow color that Dave's precious liquid seem to always have. But there's definitely more than a regular apple juice bottle has.

"It's some drink that's made by apple like your shit drink except this shit is unfiltered and ironic shit like that." Dirk answers with a smirk.

Dave stares at it for a while before finally unscrewing the cap and take a sip. This sip is slow enough for Dave to taste it and quick enough to have some of the liquid go right into his stomach if he doesn't like it. Dave does the ironic smacking with his lips and then the pursed lips to ironically think. Dirk is staring at him with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow. Even though Dave likes it, he is going to "think" some more just for the irony of it.

"Eh, shit is fine." Dave answers and takes another sip. Shit is really good.

Dirk's smirk grows wider. "Good, I got a bag filled with them –it's cheap as fuck."

"That's damn good," _Sip!_ "I can take a break from drinking Mother Nature's golden tits," _Sip!_ "As I said, shit is fine and good enough for me."

Dirk can't help but chuckle at this. He has a certain ironic plan-prank in him and it's going quite according to plan. Dave obviously likes the cider with the big gulps he's taking. Dirk is going to enjoy the face Dave is going to give. It's going to be worth it like the aphrodisiac candles.

"Yo, Dave," Dirk begins. "Do you remember those shitty candles that I bought but you lit them?"

Dave easily glares at Dirk through his awesome and ironic shades. He still has the literal pain in the ass from it still. But since he's drinking the shit known as apple cider, Dave just flips him off. Dave will find a genius plan to get his ironic revenge on Dirk. Maybe he can burn the smuppets instead of simply slicing them up… it sounds about right.

"Well, since you remember pretty well," Dirk can't help but ironically raise an eyebrow enough that Dirk can easily see through those shitty shades of his. Dave is curious what exactly was the aroma but never really asked as his ass was in literal and perhaps "critical" pain from the numerous rounds that happened to him. Seriously, Dave could shove a cucumber or a literal stick up his ass and his ass wouldn't be tight enough to hold it. But that's just plain figurative. Luckily, Dave has begun to regain his tightness after a good needed break.

"Well," Dirk says as he leans on the counter that has all the grocery on top. "It's actually quite popular –it's just the name that I can't exactly remember –now what was it…"

"Oh yeah!" Dirk snaps his fingers and smirks with his eyes staring directly at Dave.

"It's ginsengs with honey and _apple cider_."

Dave almost chokes at that answer. Did Dirk really–?!

Dave quickly takes the bottle off his face with about half is still in it that nothing spills out of it. He still has a good amount of good tasting liquid in his mouth. Dave still has his "straight face" on while Dirk is simply chuckling at him. Dave slowly gulps down the liquid and stares at the chuckling Dirk.

"Apple cider is an aphrodisiac –especially with honey, like the one you have there, Dave."

A few seconds later, Dave punches Dirk. Dirk is now literally laughing with his ass on the floor. Dave double-flips him off and goes back to his recently clean room, slamming his door for ironic purposes and for Dirk to hear out of his stupid fucking chuckles.

Dirk stops laughing to catch his breath –it is definitely worth it.

And then Dirk looks up and smirks.

The bag with all the apple ciders is gone.

* * *

**And I am finally done!**

**I hope you like this Felix, it took some time but I am now done. **

**This definitely has been quite an experience and I hope I did okay for my first smut fanfic. I tried my best to make at least good enough to read. But I definitely need to catch up on fanfictions, fanfiction gifts, school, and marching band… **

**Ugh... I am going to take a break but I will catch up! School can't put me down forever!**

**Thanks for reading and bye-bye!**


End file.

Homestuck, Humor, Romance