Bleach 1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Final Moments, A Friendship Broken?**

It has been three months since I went back to the Soul Society. Three months since I last saw Ichigo. It was getting to me apparently, since my new hobby was staring out my window wondering what life in the living world was like right now. I wondered if he was staring out his window wondering what it was like here. Maybe he shared the same mysterious depression that had been unraveling out of somewhere within my soul. I had not planned to head back there anytime soon, but my plans may have to be altered if my mood continues to drop as it had been. Today the world seemed to be at a standstill. Nothing was alive out there in the world; only my imagination seemed to bear any life. Only thoughts of him brought a color to this world, as well as a misery I couldn't seem to figure out.

"What're you doing in here looking depressed for?" His voice caught my attention, and I looked away from the window that seemed to contain my life in it. He stood there with a goofy grin on his face, his voice bearing the same edge of playfulness it always did. His deep red hair was pulled back as usual, and he wore a black headband to comply with his uniform. Renji, how could I live without him?

"I'm not depressed. What're you doing here?"

"Don't be stupid. I was looking for you, obviously." He leaned up against the wall, and continued to look me over as though I had some kind of hidden injury he was looking for. I returned his gawking with one of my "you're the stupid one" glances.

"I'm not stupid. What do you want?" My voice was whiney, high pitched. A voice that suggested a playful annoyance.

"Can't I stop by to say hi anymore? I don't want anything."

"Oh." I felt stupid, but tried to hide it as much as I possibly could.

"You haven't been acting right since we left the world of the living. Don't tell me you miss it already."

"Of course not." I glared at him with suspicious eyes. What was he getting at? He remained leaning against the wall, but now instead of looking at me, he was staring up at the ceiling, all signs of his regularly irritating self had disappeared. He was thinking about something, he wasn't here just to say hi, I knew it from the beginning.

"It's Ichigo, isn't it?" His voice almost sounded like he was masking some kind of sadness, I could barely hear the tone in his voice, but there was certainly sorrow within his voice.

"No. Even if it was, what's it to _you_," I still tried to keep my playful attentiveness towards the situation, but even that was slowly starting to slip away as the conversation deepened.

"I can tell you want to go back there. You're missing him… I'm just wondering where I fall in all of this."

What? What was he asking? Where was this sudden emotion coming from that was filling the room? I don't share emotions like these with Renji, we never have shared any kind of bond besides friendship… what was he trying to make this out to be? I never felt like this around him before, but his words seemed to touch something deep inside me. Some hidden feeling that I had long since hid from the world was suddenly emerging. I knew before that I had loved him, but I also knew I couldn't show it; that was weakness in my eyes.

"Are you serious Renji?"

"I'm trying to have a normal conversation here," he scowled at me, and suddenly his playful mood was returning, but only for a second, then I could feel tension again as he straightened himself up, shoving this attitude out the door.

"I wouldn't call this a normal conversation. What's with you today?"

"Not what's with me Rukia. You have been visibly depressed for the past three months; don't think you're hiding anything from anyone."

With that, he left the room without another word. I felt the urge to run after him and let my sorrow disappear. I wanted to find comfort in him, to look at him as something other than a friend. However, was this just so I could use him to save myself from this state of depression I was falling into? Or did his words somehow uncover this feeling of something deep between us. Love.

I couldn't love Renji, that wasn't right. Yet, somehow, I found myself on my feet walking towards the door to get him before he disappeared until another day. I didn't want to wait another day; I wanted to see him again now. I wanted to have comfort in something around this place to fill in for what I was wanting from the world of the living.

"Wait, Renji…" I called out uncharacteristically soft, quiet…desperately. He turned around and had a soft look to his eyes, one I had never seen before, or never bothered to notice. No, he wasn't soft. He was foolish, annoying Renji that I knew since I was a child. He was never soft. Ever. I was allowing my imagination to get the best of me.

"What…" he stopped once I was next to him, looking at him with desperate eyes, wanting eyes. The look he gave me in return was confused, but satisfied. He put one arm around me as though to test if I was going to allow it, before placing the other one around me as well. I took a deep breath, then relaxed in his arms. At first, he was struck with an uncertain shock, but he eventually relaxed as well. The moment was brief, but long deserved on his part. He had been there for me; I noticed this for once in my life at this moment. For this brief moment, my mind seemed to catch up on all the memories of him being there for me, the moments I hadn't noticed before. I had always been happy with him; he practically had been my life for a large part of the past.

"I've got to go for a meeting…" he paused after saying this before releasing me, and then he turned away from me and left without another word. I stood there and watched him walk away, wondering how we would endure through this one. Next time I saw him, I knew things wouldn't be the same between us. It seemed as though when he left, a piece of my heart went with him. That should have put more ties onto our relationship, but it felt to me as though it had somehow broken the connection we had known between each other for years. I remained standing there for a long while after he had left, my eyes still waiting to see him return. Longing to be in his arms again. This wasn't normal; I never longed for anything more than company out of him. Yet, I felt so secure in his arms. My whole life seemed to be complete during that small moment with him, like our lifetime friendship had finally been extended into something else, something we had both wanted to feel. The whole feeling was confusion; had I gained, or lost from this? I did not know, and wouldn't know until we met again. All these thoughts were simply accusations of what I thought the future had to hold for us.

When I returned to my room, I went back to my same position by the window. My violet eyes caught the reflection of the world outside, and somehow, this time it seemed even darker than the last. This feeling appeared to be mutual with someone else out there; I could feel a connection between us.

Ichigo. When will we meet again?

**Yes, this is kind of an IchixRuki & RukixRenji-ish fic.I am a complete IchixRuki lover and would never want another pairing with either one of them… but it just seemed to fit xD I have to try something new, right? And this will be my first chapter fanfic for Bleach, so we'll see how it goes. Please give me critiques as well as comments if you have read this, it really does encourage me to do another chapter . And I must thank my friend for the title D**


	2. Touching the Edge of Love

Chapter Two: Touching the Edge of Love

The days that followed our awkward, unintentional moment of what I considered a feeling beyond friendship, were surprisingly normal. It was as though nothing had happened between us; as though maybe that whole thing was a daydream. That wouldn't be a surprise, since I had a lot of those recently. After all, my daydreams led me to things I couldn't touch, and that relationship was certainly something I couldn't touch. However, that was just it, I would have never imagined a relationship between Renji and I, that had to make it real. I couldn't possibly imagine that moment happening, so it had to of been real for me to see it. The feeling, the emotions… something I had never felt before. But… with Renji? Was this all because of desperation, or had I truly felt those emotions?

The questions needed to stop. I needed to stop. This was so weak of me, so unlike me. The feeling of _need_ for him wasn't me. This feeling was some unwanted emotion I needed to control, before it took over. Sighing, I stood up, leaving my window. This nagging for Ichigo needed to disappear as well.

The Seireitei was quiet today, settled and peaceful. The fresh air outside my barracks was something I needed to clear my mind, and refresh myself. I was almost hoping that more problems would arise in the world of the living, I was thinking too much on my free time. Not only that, but if some kind of urgency was inflicted on the world of the living it would allow me to…

"I see you're not moping anymore."

"Renji! Don't sneak up on me like that," I responded instantly from surprise. I glared at him, and continued walking. I was trying to clear him from my mind, and he wasn't helping the situation any.

"I didn't 'sneak up' on you. Where are you headed to anyway?"

"Nowhere in particular, what's it to _you_?_"_

"Mind if I walk with you?" Did he just ask me if he could walk with me? I thought Renji was supposed to be demanding, he didn't what he wanted without asking. This was already continuing the awkward streak I was hoping to avoid with him.

"Don't be foolish and think that being polite will help with your agendas."

"Why are you acting so repelling? I just wanted to…"

"I'm not being repelling. You're just acting weird. You can't walk with me if you're going to keep acting like an idiot," I rolled my eyes at him, but didn't actually look in his direction. I wanted to avoid eye contact, avoid temptation.

"I can be polite. There's a lot of things you don't notice about me."

"So, you're saying you're something besides stubborn and ridiculous? I don't know any other Renji."

"You know I'm not always like that. _We _don't always have to act like that. You can save your annoying personality for Ichigo, it fits him better."

"Ichigo is stubborn just like you, but he's not always like that. I've seen you act different too… but both of you can't hold it for very long."

"If we're so much alike, why him?"

I stopped walking, and didn't think about that question. I blocked it out of my mind to prevent myself from allowing the truth to slip out of that hidden corner in my mind. That hidden corner that also contained the sever sense of want and desire I had felt the other day. This would be saved for something to dwell on later, I didn't want to say anything, or think anything, around Renji.

"I don't choose him over you, and why would you think that? You are unreasonable sometimes you know."

"I'm just curious as to why you're so worried about him. It bothers me to see you this depressed all the time."

"Don't be stupid, Renji." I tried to maintain my focus of keeping my personality alive, not giving into his random nonsense, and maintaining a sense of relaxation like I had initially planned to have. Relaxing certainly wasn't being accomplished, but the other two I hoped I was dealing with accordingly.

He sighed and followed suit with my pace of walking, and my silence. It felt good to hear silence for a moment. Walking alongside him, relaxed and comfortable was enjoyable, but I knew it would only last for so long before his stubbornness got the best of him and he would pursue for the answers he had come for.

"You're thinking of him right now, aren't you?" He opened the conversation up again.

"No, I was thinking about you actually. Obviously, since you are annoying me. I'm heading back to my barracks." I brushed him off with a cold attitude. We had not gone far from my barracks, I think I was slowly walking and accepting the fresh air with gratitude rather than running ahead and making it home quickly. I ducked safely back into my room, and instead of resuming my position by the window, I laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling. The window was for Ichigo, and I had little to want from him right now, amazingly enough. I decided to stare at the ceiling when I was thinking about Renji, he didn't deserve the Seireitei for a background on my thoughts of him.

As soon as I was positioned comfortably easing myself into memories, I heard a soft knock on the wall outside. "Come in," I replied to the knocking with a sigh, not moving.

"You didn't have to run away, I would have shut up. I was trying to be nice, you know." There was defiantly an annoyed, arrogant tone in his voice.

"That's not in you to act like that; you pretty much fail at it."

"I was that terrible, huh?"

"I'd say so," I laughed, mostly to myself. He remained standing in the doorway with a sour look of disapproval, and disappointment on his face. He was back, for now.

"You know, it wasn't until you were to be executed," he started to say, but sat down before finishing with a soft, almost romantic tone to his voice, "that I realized I loved you." There it was. That hidden emotion within me wanting to respond to him saying this. It wanted me to jump up and be held in his arms again, feel the comfort of being with him, the way my heart seemed to beat with an intensity that I didn't know was possible. No. I couldn't give into the temptation. Love? Was he over exaggerating it? Then I remembered that feeling when I was about to die. How much I realized I loved Renji… and Ichigo. The thought that they'd be with me no longer made my stomach turn. The thought that both of them had nearly died before my eyes while trying to battle Aizen certainly made me remember that feeling that could be nothing other than love. A quick wash of love came over me when I watched them nearly die, and the same feeling was here right now. Just with Renji this time, Ichigo was nearly gone for my mind at this moment. I needed to break this sensation before it overwhelmed me and I lost control of it.

"Renji, why are you just now deciding to say this?" He looked at me shocked that I had fallen into his trap, and went along with the conversation. Maybe he was shocked that I was listening and not making a stupid remark…yet.

"I wanted you to realize I was here for you. You don't need Ichigo. You don't have to think about him so much," he was looking out the window this time, probably staring at Sokyoku Hill, remembering the moment he nearly lost me. If it weren't for Ichigo though, I would be dead. Didn't he understand that? I didn't have to look to remember. Every image was still painted clearly in my mind, and every emotion still stained my soul, tainted it with this awful, hopeless feeling of needing them both. An imprint I will never be able to wash away.

"Stop being foolish. Of course you are here. I'm not stupid, and I know you're here for me. I just have to wonder how life is back there… I have no feelings towards Ichigo."

"You know you could never be with him, right? Not to totally ruin anything, but loving a human is stupid if you ask me."

"I don't want to be with him, stop accusing me of such pathetic things."

This was a lie. I wanted to be with him more than I should, and the same feeling was between Renji and I. I knew loving Ichigo was forbidden, as I should have never bonded with a human in the first place. I also knew that if loving Renji made our friendship break, and made me act like this all the time, I wanted nothing to do with it. I would never forgive myself for allowing such things to happen. I had two roads I wanted to take. I either had to pick my best friend and take the chance of ruining everything we have together, or the human I am forbidden to love. Deciding which one, could easily ruin everything I had with them.


End file.

Bleach, Romance