Avengers Two Little Curveballs

He had only slept with them once and it was a stupid mistake. Tony was drunk, Steve was sleep-deprived and Bruce was a hefty bit of both. It was clear to everyone in the Avengers Team and otherwise, that Tony and Steve were an item, a perfect item with no room for anyone else. Especially not someone like Bruce. They never spoke of what happened that night, it was as if it had become taboo. The physicist himself nearly forgot about what had happened, it was clear to him that he would've gladly forgotten it...if it hadn't been for life and its incessant need to throw him hefty curveballs. It was a growing trend in Bruce Banner's messed up life, for things to go horribly and terribly wrong. The results of that night of inhibitions were no different. It started so simple, so trivial. He'd been working in the lab by himself, Tony was upstairs somewhere. They were supposed to be working on a large-scale project together and the genius was nowhere to be found. Only solidifying Bruce's realization that his fellow genius was probably avoiding him. It really hurt him to know that Tony didn't want to be near him anymore, but he could've lived through it...he could've been fine and forgotten.

The vomiting started exactly six weeks after that night.

It was mainly in the mornings, but could easily strike during the day. It got worse if he skipped meals or if he cooked for the Team as usual. The smells would make him increasingly nauseated and he'd have to run to the bathroom at break-neck speed, in order to projectile vomit into the toilet, instead of on the floor. Yet nobody noticed. Or maybe nobody cared. Around the same time as the vomiting, the shortness-of-breath and fatigue started as well. He could barely get up the stairs without feeling winded and needing to bend down and catch his breath. So he stayed in the lab for most of the time, no need to exert himself or make the Team think that anything was out of the ordinary. The fatigue was also easy to manage, if he just napped on the couch in the lab then he'd be fine for a while at least. It was the excessive urination that finally sent the physicist to a doctor. He picked a kind-looking woman from SHIELD named Dr. Amanda Cayman. The woman was very gentle and very kind as she drew his blood with the necessary precautions and examined him. She reassured that it was probably nothing serious, nothing to be too worried about.

But when she came back into the room after running-up a few tests, her face was draw and her eyes were widened in shock. She cleared her throat a few times, adjusting her lab coat and the test results in her arms as she did so. Bruce was getting nervous just by looking at the pale-ginger haired woman. Sure he'd only known her for a short while, but he trusted her. He felt the Hulk's consciousness bubble under his skin, the only barrier between the monster and the outside world. Even the Hulk was becoming uneasy. Bruce wished that she would just say something, but once she did...he wished that she hadn't.

"Dr. Banner...is it possible that six or seven weeks ago. You engaged in sexual-intercourse with a man?"

All the irradiated blood in Bruce Banner's body ran ice cold. '_How on earth could she know?!'_ His breath hitched in his lungs and he smothered the urge to hyperventilate. Doing something like that would get him nowhere. He scanned the woman's face, looking frantically for some kind of lie, some kind of bluff. But he found nothing despite the fact that her hands were shaking as she handed him the thick Manila folder with his lab results. Inside were X-rays, blood tests ran three or four times, urine samples checked time and time again. All of them pointing to a single conclusion that had Bruce's head spinning faster than the earth on its axis. Then Dr. Cayman was talking and a horrible taste filled Bruce's clenched mouth.

"I don't know how else to say this, Dr. Banner and believe me when I say I've tried to come up with any other explanation, but I can't. Due to the accident and the radiation that entered your bloodstream, you have a secondary adaptation apart from the formation of the Hulk. I know it seems impossible, but so is turning into a giant green behemoth...so hear me out."

"Excuse me, Dr. Cayman. But what are you implying exactly?" Bruce wheezed, his chest tight as he began to ring his hands from where he was sitting atop the icy examination table. The woman looked at him with all seriousness in her eyes as she took back the test results folder and flipped to a page with a result circled in bright red pen. Along with three heartbeat charts. One of them was labeled 'Doctor', the one below that was labeled 'A' and the one below that was 'B'.

"You're seven weeks pregnant with twins, Dr. Banner." The woman blurted out gently.

Bruce nearly toppled off the table.

He lunged towards the woman and snatched the folder out of her outstretched hands, before beginning to flip through it frantically. Searching for any tiny piece of evidence that could prove this doctor wrong. But he could find nothing and he nearly wailed in disbelief. The physicist frantically ran his hands through his tangled curly locks, scans were flashing before his chocolate colored eyes. Test results run through a machine three or four times, all proclaiming the same identical results. Results that proved the two tiny sparks of life inside of Bruce. It made him want to be sick. Dr. Cayman must've sensed that because she softly kicked the trashcan closer to him. His limbs were heavy and numb as one question pressed strongly to the forefront of his mind.

"Are they...safe?" Bruce whimpered, numbly. Trying to force down the tears that were stinging and bubbling in his eyes. Dr. Cayman nodded calmly as she collected the results back into the folder.

"Despite being formed in a male body, they are developing and maturing at a healthy rate. It seems your body created a makeshift uterus to house them. If you checked, you'd notice that your stomach is slightly more pronounced and your hips are slightly larger. In fact, in a few months time, I think your body might be able to birth them vaginally. But as this pregnancy is unique, I would suggest you exercise more caution then the average pregnant woman. No super-hot showers. No heavy exercise or heavy lifting. No being on your feet 24/7. No drinking or smoking. No stress. No microwaves. No skipping meals. Definitely no hulking-out-"

"But I'm part of the Avengers!" Dr. Cayman silenced him with a sharp look and the physicist shut his mouth with an audible '_clap_'. She slowly leaned over to rest a heavy hand on his knee. He blinked up at her blue eyes and bit his lip hard, tasting the rusty tang of blood in his mouth as he did so."Look Dr. Banner. I realize that this is a difficult time right now, but you can't think solely about yourself. There's three of you now." She whispered, not unkindly but it left a nasty taste in Bruce's mouth. He slowly wrapped an arm around his slightly protruding stomach as his breath pounded in his ears. He couldn't help but feel violated and humiliated. His body had betrayed him. Not just with the Hulk, but it had provided a way for him to have children. Even if he was as gay as a rainbow-shitting unicorn.

"W-What am I going to do?" Bruce groaned, slumping forwards until his head was cradled in his hands. He was going to be a father to two children. Oh fucking hell.

Dr. Cayman looked torn for a moment, so torn that her voice wavered as she spoke her next few words. "There are always options. But I suggest you speak with the other father before going down the road towards termination."

Bruce's blood ran ice cold again and his found himself shaking his head hard. He wouldn't kill his children, his arm curved even tighter, protectively against his mildly protruding stomach. Then the rest of her words settled in his mind. The other father...Steve...Tony. Wait, which was it? They had all done things with one another that night, it could be either man. And both of them were in a relationship with each other, they wouldn't want Bruce and his children getting in their way.

The very thought brought on a feeling of sickness in the pit of his stomach.

-TimeSkip (About 2 weeks later)-

The call to Assemble came at 2am on a Sunday morning. That was why all the Avengers were sitting around a meeting table in the wee hours of the morning. Thor was falling asleep on his hammer and his cape was fastened backwards. Natasha was glaring at Clint who was asleep in a puddle of his own drool. Tony was nursing one of the many cups of coffee that Director Fury had put in the middle of the table as a peace offering. The billionaire was obviously grumpy and half-asleep with a major case of bed-head. While Steve was yawning deeply, his blonde hair was tousled and sticky from sleep and Bruce had to stifle the urge to laugh. The physicist wasn't looking too hot himself, he'd been in the middle of one of his frequent bathroom trips when the Assembly call came. He'd been forced to grab a discarded pair of sweats and yank them on, over his oversized boxers and '_Buns in the Oven_' t-shirt. It had been a present from Dr. Cayman. She said that she wanted to be the first one to give him an early baby shower present. Bruce had accepted the gift with a smile.

"So Fury, why the hell are we here?"

Bruce blinked owlishly as Tony groaned to their director. The one-eyed man was the same as always, every piece of clothing in its place. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the night. He was still the ever perfect Nick Fury. Bruce reached into the coffee group and selected his own brew before sipping at it gratefully. He knew that pregnant women weren't supposed to have caffeine, but he knew that he was going to pass out from exhaustion without it. So, through process of elimination..a few sips of caffeine wouldn't kill his babies. He was dimly aware of the fact that Fury was talking to them and that it was probably something important. But the physicist was so exhausted and fatigued that he could barely keep his eyes open. He did try to join the conversation again near the end.

"...Now I'm sure that you can learn to work as a Team when on the battlefield and in the home-setting. But SHIELD is setting up trust building classes for all of you. You're not solo heroes anymore. You're a Team. And due to Dr. Banner's condition, the Hulk will no longer be able to assist you in battle..."

Bruce choked on his coffee.

His chocolate-colored eyes were as wide a sauce-pans as he coughed and hacked loudly. Trying to dispel the coffee from his lungs. His teammates looked at him in concern, Fury included as Clint reached over to whack him on the back and silence his coughs. Bruce gasped roughly once he'd finished nearly-dying and glared at Fury for all he was worth as the curly-haired man wrapped his arms around his middle protectively.

"What condition?"

Natasha's question may have been directed at Bruce but the entire team waited anxiously for his answer. Bruce studied Steve and Tony's faces, seeing only concern for a friend, nothing more. It hurt. They were his closest friends and one was the father of his children. He had no idea of how they would react. He knew that Tony would accept the science of the thing and that Steve would believe whatever Tony did. It was the deeper connection part that worried him. After so many weeks of ignoring him, it was clear that the couple had no intention of inviting Bruce into their room again or into their hearts. He knew that some parents could raise children without attraction between them, but he cared too much. He wouldn't be able to do it. But both men deserved to know, either could be the father of his babies and they both had some right to decide what to do about them. If they wanted Bruce to get rid of the twins, he wasn't sure if he could deal with that. He wouldn't be able to go through with it.

"W-Well...I um..started to get a bit sick recently. So I-I went and talked to one of the doctors at SHIELD. We discovered that I have a secondary mutation in my reproductive system. It allows me to spawn and carry a fetus to term. Currently I have two resting in what seems to be a make-shift uterus in my lower abdomen. Though fetus is a relative term, it usually implies ten-weeks gestational period at least, I'm only nine-weeks along. Therefore my twins aren't exactly fetuses but are very much alive. We only discovered the mutation because I had never had foreign sperm introduced into by body before..."

Bruce babbled quickly, hands twisting in his lap as he bowed his head to avoid the shocked looks of his team members. He was only shocked from his reverie when he heard Tony's shaky voice to his right.

"You were a virgin that night? I'm so sorry, Big Guy. Nine-weeks...that means that me and Steve...that night...Oh Christ."

Bruce hurriedly got up from the table, apologizing to his team members, eyes not leaving the floor as he bolted out of the room. He was short-of-breath soon enough, but he didn't care. His heart was pounding as he ran away. Once he was far enough away, he rested a gentle hand on his stomach and whispered hoarsely.

"What do we do now, sweethearts?"


End file.

Avengers, Family, Friendship