Hunter X Hunter 1. Gon

A/N: Flame me and call me anything you want, but I think I hate about 70% of the Hunter x Hunter writers here for various reasons. I've gotten to the point where almost nothing written within the last 5 years is any good. Well, there are a few gems I find here and there, but most were written in like 2003. Them authors ain't gonna come back (and for that I resent some of them for leaving me hanging). So here I am, writing the crap I write in a poor man's attempt at something entertaining because I couldn't care less about a male turned female story or Gon/Killua being over 14. If you wrote something like it… then um…

Summary: A series of one shots if the cast of Hunter x Hunter wrote fanfiction. My terrible attempt at real humor. Note that any mistakes are to be blamed on the character.

Gon

The story started with a 12 year old boy who was the strongest boy in the world. He was so strong he could punch rocks and make them dust. He needed to be strong in order to find his mysterious dad. If he wasn't strong, then he would never find him.

So He traveled all across the world in search of his dad. On his way, he met a sneaky cat boy with white hair and kitty ears and a tail. The cat boy was a chocolate assassin, who would steal chocolate and eat it all for himself, constantly making companies go bankrupt because he'd make all the chocolate in the world disappear with his sweet tooth.

So then, he and the cat boy decided to be best friends and keep searching for the strong boys dad. Oh, the strong boy's name was Nog and the cat boy was Aullik.

Nog had also met a super doctor who could cure any disease in the world. Because he was so good, he always helped Nog when he got injured. Nog got injured a lot.

There was also the lovely Akiparuk who was a secret agent spy. Aiparuk posed as a lady, but was secretly a man. He did this because he needed to keep his identity a secret and throw his mortal enemy, the Arachnids off guard. Akiparuk was also good with ancient stuff and would tell Aullik about legendary chocolate recopies.

Then one dark stormy night, a scary, monster clown called Akosih appeared and tried to turn everyone into apples and eat them. But everyone scattered and managed to get away. Then Imulli, Kaullik's evil brother showed up and kidnapped him. He was as scary as Akosih, but instead of a clown, he was a black cat monter with pins all over his face and arms.

Nog, Oiroel (the super doctor), and Akiparuk went to save Aullik and beat up Imulli until he couldn't walk again. Seeing that he was safe, everyone except for Nog and AulliK split and they went to the Greedy Islands. A place filled with monsters, scary little girls, and bombs everywhere.

One day, when Nog and KilluaK where on a quest in the Greedy Islands, they managed to actually find Gon's dad, Jing! Then they lived happily ever after going on adventures forever and ever.

The End.


	2. Killua

A/N: Ok. I see what my problem is. I'm doing exactly as Illumi said about what Killua would be like with Gon. You know. A kid who gets a new puppy, then loves it, but the novelty wears off. Hopefully I'll get at least 20 characters in before it does. It's kinda weird shifting writing styles.

Again. All errors are to be blamed on the writers.

Warning: With each character, the genre shifts. So not all will be happy, though there will be some fluffy or even random one's in the future. Just wait until I get to _Palm Siberia_. It was hard making this one have humor because I want to base the fanfics off the character's desires. Like Gon and Ging and Killua with his family. I may write one based off his chocolate love and heterosexual life partnership with Gon later.

Killua

Blood dribbled from the pale haired boys fingers in rivers as he smirked ruthlessly down at the victim panting at his feet.

The man on the floor was no other than his brother, Illumi.

Together, they listened to the thunder and pattering rain from outside of the Zoldick family estate. Killua had come back once more. But only to finish off the people, by genetics only, called his family. Illumi's perfect, black hair was splayed everywhere, and his pale skin was marred by deep gashes from his face down to his waist. Scarlet pooled around his body in a thick puddle, bathing him in his own blood.

"K-kill…" he gasped. His breaths were labored.

Killua spared him no sympathy as he reached down, then ripped out his still beating heart. Before he could say another word, Killua shoved the organ right into the man's mouth.

His body fell limp to the ground in seconds.

Satisfied, Killua turned and headed out the room, only to find his father waiting with crossed arms and a gaze that would have sent any untrained man to insanity.

They spoke no words, only moved in flashes as they battled.

It was a one sided battle as Killua kicked the older man's ass.

By the time it was over, Silva, his father, leaned against the stone walls of the hallway. He clutched his side where his ribs poked out slightly.

"Killua. I am proud of you my son. You…" be took a deep breath. "… have managed to defeat me. For this, I declare you head of the family estate and business."

Killua's eyes were cold.

"You're wrong. I'm going to kill all of you, save Alluka, and help Gon find his dad."

Silva looked furious as he reached out in a futile attempt to attack. Killua sharpened his claws and put an end to the man's life by stabbing him right through his heart.

The rest of his family fell in similar manners. The only one he spared was Kalluto, his younger brother. With Alluka safe in his arms, he walked away slowly from the burning image that was his former home on fire.

Gon awaited him inside the gatekeeper's small office.

"So, are you ready to go?" the green clad boy asked cheerily as though the previous hour hadn't happened at all.

"Yeah." Killua said as he shifted Alluka from his arms to the ground.

Together, they walked into the sunset as the clouds parted and the rain stopped.


	3. Leorio

Leorio

It was a fine summer day on a tropical island. Leorio sat back on the beach with a radio playing his favorite song. His open shirt and baggy shorts billowed gently in the wind, and occasional sips from his strawberry margarita cooled him from the inside.

Behind him, a lovely blonde wearing a bikini massaged his shoulders quietly. Ah it was a good life.

A sudden buzzing from his pocket interrupted his inner peace and he looked to see who was calling. It was Kurapika.

"Y-hello!" he answered casually.

"Leorio! I'm feeling moody, let me berate you despite being younger and less experienced in life." The boy on the other end whined.

"No way, I'm not gonna put up with you today." And with that, he clicked off the call.

The phone buzzed again, it was Gon.

"Leorio. Killua said you'd be taking a vacation in one of your hundred vacation islands with a bunch of "fly girlies." I don't know what those are, can I come and see?"

Oh Gon, so innocent, so naïve.

"Sorry Gon, but I'm not gonna let Killua spoil your innocence. Just tell Killua if he doesn't stop I'll pay every chocolate manufacturer in the world to stop making chocolate if he doesn't stop."

"Kay!" Gon said before hanging up.

Kids these days.

His phone rang again. Not exasperated in the slightest, he looked and saw that it was his old buddy Peitro this time. Since he was super rich and knew how to cure any disease, he helped him while they were only kids and saved him from death. Everyone in town declared him a genius hero at that point and that boosted his fortune even more.

"Yo, what's up ol' buddy."

His friend coughed before answering.

"Leorio, there's an epidemic spreading on your 20th private island. We think it was caused by a fish!"

Worried yet filled with vigor, Leorio stood, surprising the blonde behind him.

"I'll be there in 5 minutes."'As h hung up, he turned to the beauty who stood, worry clear on her face as she but her thumb in worry.

"L-leorio. What's happened, will everything be alright?" she asked in her cute, dainty voice.

"Shh, everything will be ok. I just need to go do a little work. I'll be back soon."

With that, they made out for a whole minute before Leorio, reluctantly, pulled away and hopped in his extremely fast private jet.

In three minutes, he managed to make it all the way across the world and to Peitro. There was a whole group of people huddled together, shivering and coughing. Medical supplies at hand, Leorio set to work and cured everyone in less than thirty minutes.

"Thank you Leorio! You're the greatest!" the buxom women in bikini's cheered. Showering him with kisses, warm hugs, and compliments.

Peitro gave him a high five as well.

"Yeah Leorio, you're the greatest most richest doctor ever!"

And they lived happily and disease free ever after.


	4. Kurapika

A/N: I'm sorry. I had nothing humorous to write about with Kurapika. It's clear he's able to be carefree and happy, but even in those situations he's not really in a predicament that wouldn't lead to his eternal angst.

Kurapika

Once there was a spider that had twelve legs. The spider was an abomination among all that was considered natural from the inside out. Each leg was like its own monster, and it trampled anything in its way, leaving blood and horror in its wake.

One day, the terrible spider made its way to a village full of a peaceful tribe of people. The innocents were caught in its web before they knew it, and were left as eyeless, or sometimes headless bodies. All for a pair of eyes.

Yet there was one that managed to escape that web. A young boy, on adventures of his own. When he found out about what the spider had done, he rushed back home only to find blood, long burned out fires, and destruction.

It was like the spider had left a poison afterwards because the boy became sick. He was sick for many days and nights before he got angry. The sickness fueled his rage and he vowed to kill the spider until only a memory remained.

Years passed before he managed to find the spider, though it was from a leg that had wandered astray. The leg was still a terrible creature, but he allowed himself to get close to it in order to destroy the remaining ones.

A long time passed before the boy was able to sever one leg. But was terrible, and he feared having to sever the rest because of the poison it left behind. It made him sick again, but he worked through it.

In even less time, the boy severed another through a series of unfortunate mishaps. This leg made him sick as well. Though for different reasons. Their poisons seemed to vary, but once again he kept going.

When the boy managed to get a hold of the head, he couldn't kill it. The head's poison was too strong, and even though he crippled it, it still managed to hurt him more.

As the spider hobbled away, the boy vowed that he world first recover what had been trapped in its web. Then, he would destroy it for good.


	5. Hisoka

A/N: I recommend listening to Kyousou Requiem, Hisoka's character song. The lyrics are the main inspiration for this. I've decided I'll re-do some characters because Hisoka is a crazy subject. Next time will involve Illumi or probably even chewing gum. Though worry not of all this angst, Biscuit is up next. And she has issues.

Hisoka

The moon was blood red that night. Burning stars shined dimly in the night, and the warm air created a humidity that was near suffocating.

Coated red in the moon's light, an apple tree sat. Its fruits looked just about ready to fall. Fresh, tantalizing, they stood still. There were many of them, yet one stood out the most. It was green, an anomaly among the pure reds.

He wanted it.

He wanted to rip it apart. First peeling off its skin, and exposing the untouched, creamy flesh underneath. Its insides would be crushed, sliced apart by his own hand, and maybe, just maybe, he would leave a bit to eat.

The other fruits were tempting in their own rights, however, that one was special. It had no red on it, just a slight tint from the moon above. So innocent, he wanted to taint it.

However, he would not pick it. He would wait.

Yet it was so frustrating. Digging sharpened nails into his own skin, he bit his lip to restrain himself. He became hotter, more agitated.

Moaning helped little with releasing his pent up stress.

Every time he reached to pick the apple, he forced himself back. When he couldn't stand it, he snatched another, plain red one. Sometimes ripping it in half in the process. It kept him relaxed for awhile, but that longing was still there.

So he would wait, in his madness, he would wait.

Right until the apple was ready to fall.


	6. Biscuit

A/N: Crack pairings hoooo!

Biscuit

Biscuit Diamond Sapphire Emerald Ruby Princess Krueger was a beautiful and mysterious maiden from a land far away. She had beautiful, shimmering hair that was blonde with carrot red highlights that went all the way down to her shins. Her skin was perfect and creamy, and her eyes sparked like the jewels she was named after, and depending on her emotions, they changed colors. She wore all the prettiest dresses that would fit her petite form, not showing too much, but still showing some skin.

One day, the mysterious girl was traversing in a forest. The small, woodland creatures danced around her, and a butterfly rested in her hair, looking like a pretty blue hair clip. However, the air was so humid, she wanted to get out and find her way home, but she was lost.

While walking, she came across a clearing supporting a hot spring. In it, she could make out a figure.

Curiously, Biscuit Diamond Sapphire Emerald Ruby Princess Krueger stepped forward. With some of the fog out of her vision, she realized that it was a man, resting in the water. His bright red hair fell across his shoulders as his head leaned back against a rock. His skin was pale, and his eyes were closed.

Before she could run, the man spoke.

"Ah, no need to be so startled. Would you care to…" he opened his eyes. "Join. Me."

Biscuit Diamond Sapphire Emerald Ruby Princess Krueger blushed as her heart fluttered.

"O-oh! I s-shouldn't. I mean, I was m-merely lost and I wanted to find my way home. It's so hot here, you know. B-but, you seem to be enjoying it."

The handsome man laughed, then ran a water coated hand through his hair.

"It's quite alright. Though the heat wouldn't bother you if you wore a bit less clothing. Miss?"

Stammering, she told her name. "I-I am B-biscuit Diamond Sapphire E-emerald Ruby Princess Krueger. B-but, you can call me Bisky."

The placed a finger to his lips as he mouthed her name.

"Such a lovely name, as lovely as your eyes that shine in the light."

Her eyes, which were blue at the time, changed to shining lavender at the compliment. But before she knew it, he stood without a care in the world.

"I suppose I can help you find your way out. Though, I would rather air dry. Come, let's talk. I want to get to know you better."

Blushing as red as a ruby, she nodded and sat on a dry rock next to him, keeping her eyes on his.

"I'm the grand magician, Hasoki. I work for the King of Masadora Land. I wanted some time to relax, and this is my favorite spot. It must have been fate that we met. Tell me about yourself."

"W-well. I'm a princess of a far away kingdom. My mother was a half angel half goddess queen. But my father was an incubus. Because of my blood, I was shunned and cast away. So that makes me part angel, part goddess, and technically part succubus."

Hasoki looked amazed.

"I believe we were meant to be together because I'm part god and part incubus. Let's get married, have many lovely children and create a new generation." The handsome magician proposed.

Suddenly, a new person emerged from the fog. A mysterious man that Biscuit Diamond Sapphire Emerald Ruby Princess Krueger knew all too well. Her ex.

Prince Baka.

To be continued?


End file.

Hunter X Hunter, Drama, Parody