Sword Art Online/ソードアート・オンライン You can have your cake, but you can't eat it too

Author's notes: Just a drabble I threw together for Femslash Yuletide (Day 7: Gift Giving). I wrote this after watching SAO 2 Episode 22.

I don't usually write for anime-fandoms. Since I speak Japanese, I watch anime in Japanese, and think about it in Japanese. It was so hard to translate my thoughts, especially for character interaction and honorifics! For example, Ms. Asuna would be Asuna-san, but it doesn't work in prose, I don't think. This feels clunky and strange to me, but I hope you enjoy it. I didn't do much editing either.

Culture note: For those unaware; in Japan, Christmas is celebrated differently to in the west. Christmas is not a national holiday, and people tend not to give gifts the way they do over in America or England.  
>It's a day of spreading happiness with no religious attachments, and Christmas eve is celebrated more than the day itself. It's very much like Valentines Day over in the west and is a considered romantic occasion. It is traditional for somebody to bring home a Christmas cake or other small gift as a sign of their affection. This drabble plays strongly on this.<p>

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><p>"Back again, Ms. Asuna?"<p>

She wasn't sure if the friendly receptionist eased her nerves or simply exacerbated them. Her feelings were a complicated mess right now, and while she typically approached every situation with logic and intelligence, she had to see her again.

Asuna nodded. "Always. It's Christmas eve, after all."

Her thoughts went to the box in her messenger bag at her hip. Christmas cakes were always so expensive on Christmas eve, but it was traditional after all. Still though, bringing it to another woman?

She shook her head to herself as she stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the fourth floor, which lit up with a playful chime. It was just a friendly gesture, after all. It didn't mean anything. She'd heard that overseas, in America and such, people gave each other gifts for Christmas, and there was nothing romantic about a Christmas cake over there, she reasoned to herself.

The sun had already set, and she knew Yuuki would be alone for Christmas eve, as she had no family left. She should really be spending it with Kirito but… No, this was for the best. It was the right thing to do. She would visit Kirito later. He would understand. He always understood.

Dr. Kurahashi was waiting for her outside Yuuki's room, smiling serenely, his eyes gentle as ever. Clearly reception had called ahead to let him know she was coming. "Good evening, Ms. Asuna."

She noted how he didn't use her family name, which was also Yuuki, but it was probably less confusing that way. She didn't begrudge him the slight informality.

Asuna greeted him with a smile and slight bow, "Thank you for always letting me see her."

"It's no problem. You're all she has, after all."

"I brought a gift for Yuuki. I- I know I can't give it to her in person, but she can see it on the camera?"

"Yes. Though it might have been better to get her something in the virtual world." He looked tired. He must have been working very hard lately, Asuna thought, and respected him all the more for it. She already had the utmost respect for helping Yuuki and giving her a chance to live through the Medicuboid, but this really put the icing on the proverbial cake. She hoped one day to be so successful.

Perhaps I could be a doctor too, she wondered to herself, I'm a pretty good healer in ALO, and I could help people.

"Ms. Asuna?" the doctor said clearly, "Are you alright?"

She realised she'd been spacing out. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"You're on your way back from school, right?"

She nodded again. She felt conflicted, confused. She was happy to see Yuuki, as ever, and sad that she was ill. She was anxious to give her the gift, but excited all the same. She wasn't even sure if she wanted Yuuki to interpret it as a romantic gesture or not.

Asuna stepped into the room with Dr. Kurahashi and-

"Asuna!" Yuuki's overjoyed voice called out from the speakers, "You came!"

"Of course," Asuna smiled, her anxieties dripping away, eased by the sound of her friend, "I couldn't let you be alone today."

"You could have just come to see me online," Yuuki pointed out, a hint of a smile in her voice, and Asuna wondered how that even worked if she was in full-dive.

"I-" she faltered a little, blushing lightly, "I brought you something in the real world."

Yuuki said nothing. Asuna's heart again beat fast as she opened her bag and drew out the box containing the christmas cake, lifted the lid, and with two hands, presented it to the glass behind which Yuuki lay with a small bow. She made sure to face the camera above her bed.

"Asuna…"

"I know you can't eat it, but- but-" she felt tears begin to well up in her eyes. She'd promised herself that she'd never cry in front of Yuuki again, but the tears came anyway, dripping hot down her cheeks. She knew Yuuki couldn't eat it, but like the doctor had said, she was her only visitor. The AIDS would kill her eventually, and she'd been bullied at school for her diagnosis, so would never have had any friends in the real world, or many gifts. "But I had to."

Silence again for a moment, and Asuna wondered if she'd offended her. What she'd said was woefully incomplete, but she couldn't find the words to articulate it. She shouldn't have come. Her chest felt tight. She shouldn't have reminded Yuuki that she couldn't eat it. She felt like a terrible person. You're a disgrace to the family, her mother's stern voice echoed in her head, You'll never get anywhere if you can't even speak properly.

"Meet me by the tree as usual, okay?" Yuuki's sudden voice was quiet, subdued, as it had been whenever she'd brought up anything personal. Asuna's heart sank. She was going to get shouted at; she knew it. Just like her mother had always scolded her, told her she wasn't good enough. Mother had been right. It was insensitive to come here. But now she had no choice but to obey. This was going to be bad. She'd ruined their friendship.

"Doctor, please help her get set up on the amusphere next door." Again, her voice quiet, more polite and formal than usual.

"Of course." The Dr. Kurahashi pressed a button and the door slid open with a sound like a letter being withdrawn from an envelope.

Two minutes later, she was flying as fast as she could for the tree where they'd first met. She landed hard - too hard - and was forced to roll. Yuuki was waiting, sat lazily on a tree root, kicking it with her heels. Her purple hair was blown across her face by a breeze and she tucked it behind her ear.

"Yo," she grinned and gave a lazily wave, and got to her feet. "You look tense."

"I- I-" Asuna couldn't get the words out, and flew at Yuuki, throwing herself against her Imp body, burying her face in her hair, "I'm sorry!" she wailed.

Yuuki blinked and stroked Asuna's cerulean hair, "Why?"

"I- I shouldn't have brought you that gift. It was insensitive of me."

Yuuki waited a moment, perhaps in thought, and said slowly, "I'm really happy you came, actually."

"You are?"

"Nobody's ever brought me Christmas cake on Christmas eve before," she sighed, "It's kind of romantic."

Asuna's felt her face burn and pulled away to wave her hands in front of her, "N-no that's not what I meant I-"

"It's okay. I might not see another Christmas," Yuuki interrupted, then paused again, and this time blushed herself and looked away, "I kind of like you, Asuna."

Asuna blushed too, and wasn't entirely sure how to respond. Everybody was blushing. This was extremely awkward. She thought of apologising that she didn't like her back, but wasn't sure that was true.

What about Kirito? she scolded herself, You love him, remember?

Yuuki was sweet, friendly, and cute, which wasn't much like Kiri- Kazuto, she corrected herself. She had to start thinking of him by his real name, not his virtual alias. It was hard though, when they spent so much time together in game…

Once again, she was lost in thought, so she was caught off guard by Yuuki's lips against hers, her strong, slightly coarse hands cupping her jaw. Those hands reminded her of Kirito's, accustomed to years of holding a sword, toughened by the leather hilt wrapping, but Yuuki's were smaller, softer.

Her first reaction was to kiss her back passionately, which she did. Her second reaction, some five seconds later or so, was to pull away when she'd processed what was happening, which she also did.

"Wh-wh-what's that all about?" Asuna licked the residual taste of Yuuki from her lips, cursing herself for doing so and stepping away from her, "I didn't mean the cake like that!"

Yuuki looked amused and gave a cocky grin, "But you kissed me back."

"That's not the point."

"I've never kissed anyone before," Yuuki said thoughtfully, "I've never liked anyone before, either. I hope it was okay."

"It was really nice but that's not the issue here!" Asuna felt herself getting worked up, and some part of her wondered why. There was nothing wrong here. But she couldn't pursue a relationship with Yuuki. She had Kiri- Kazuto! His name was Kirigaya Kazuto, damn it! - and if her mother didn't approve of him, she definitely wouldn't approve of a terminally ill girl who spent literally all of her time in the virtual world.

And I don't even like women! Or do I? I think I like Yuuki… She mused inwardly.

"What's the issue then?"

"I-I'm with Kirito," she shouted, and wasn't sure why, "What will he think? I've been unfaithful to him!"

It was true. She'd said it before she'd even thought it rationally. He might be angry at her. He might want to break up with her. He was very understanding but even this was too far. She'd kissed Yuuki back, too.

Yuuki blinked, and sad understanding filled her face, "That Spriggan? I guess that's okay," she tried to shrug it off, watching an owl swoop by overhead, "At least I experienced a kiss once. Kirito will be good for you. He's strong."

Anger, or whatever the emotion was, drained from her. She wanted to kiss Yuuki again and again, to hold her close and tell her she would never leave. She wished she could be in a relationship with both her and Kirito but she was almost certain Kirito wouldn't be okay with that. And what about Yui?

What she said, in compassionate tones, was: "Honestly, I like you too. But let me think about it, okay?"

Yuuki nodded, blinking tears from her face and turning away, clearly hoping Asuna hadn't noticed. There was an awkward silence. Yuuki shifted her weight, but didn't turn back. "You'd best get going, or Dr. Kurahashi will be wondering what's going on." She wiped her face, and her voice cracked a little, "Will you visit tomorrow?"

"I will. And I'll bring my own Amusphere too."

Asuna swiped downwards in front of her to bring up the menu and paused with her finger over the 'LOG OUT' button. "Take care of yourself, Asuna."

"I will.

She was planning on heading over to Kirito's house this evening after the trip to the hospital, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She needed to think. So instead she went home, took her shoes off, headed straight upstairs to fall face-first onto on her bed.

That should be a thought for tomorrow, she thought, rolling over and pulling out her mobile phone. She brought up the application Kirito made to talk to Yui and hit 'CALL'. For now, she'd spend time with her daughter and think.

And maybe, just maybe, she'd mention this to her. Resolve formed in her mind. She would at least try. She would speak to Yui. She would speak to Kirito about it. Maybe they could work something out.

"Good evening, mama. I missed you," Yui said through the speaker.

"Yui… We need to talk."


End file.

Sword Art Online/ソードアート・オンライン, Romance, Sci-Fi