Lord of the Rings 1. Chapter 1

**_Tale of Two Wizards_**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Sorry, Sirius, I can only bring you back to life on fanfic. I don't own Lord of the Rings either, so don't ask me to send orcs to your next birthday and I can not get you a date with Aragorn. Other than that, I am the all powerful author. Ha, ha, ha!_

Chapter One

Sirius was laughing, "Is that the best you can do?" He dodged a flash of light from Bellatrix Lestrange's wand, also known as His-evil-stupid-cousin-who-is-a-Death-Eater-and-works-for-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Voldemort-and-he-disowns-her-as-a-cousin-wow-she-has-a-long-hyphenated-name-does-she-not-wow-her-name-is-longer-than-the-actual-story-so-far. Anyway. She pointed her wand straight at his chest and this time he had no escape.

"No!" Screamed Harry and Lupin in unison as Sirius slowly fell. Lupin, (the only one there besides Sirius with a functioning brain, used for thinking) rushed toward him, but when he was only a few feet away, Sirius, a mixture of horror and amusement on his face, fell behind the veil.

* * *

Thump! Frodo was falling, the ring sailing through the air. Then he landed on something, which he was pretty sure wasn't the floor. The clatter of metal on the floor indicated that the ring had fallen behind him. He reached over the thing under him and grasped the ring. Only then did he realize that it was a man under him. Like any logical person would do, Frodo screamed.

"Sam, there's an unconscious guy under me who wasn't there two minutes ago!"

"Well, what do you want me to do about it, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, staying as far away as possible.

"Well, maybe you should get off of him first," Pippin suggested. Frodo quickly did so, running into Pippin in the process and nearly knocking him off his stool.

"Steady on!" Pippin exclaimed. "That's the second time tonight." Meanwhile, the people of the Prancing Pony were crowding around Sirius.

"Who is he?"

"Where did he come from?"

"What's he doing here?"

"Does he want some food?"

"It looks like he's hurt bad," Pippin observed.

"Let's get him to Butterbur."

"He'll know what to do."

"And just what am I supposed to do with him?" demanded Butterbur.

"Give him to me," said a voice. All eyes turned to Strider.

"He's injured. We must get him to a room."

"What are you going to do with this poor helpless stranger?"

"I'm going to kill him. Just kidding." Butterbur gave him what passed for an evil look in Bree. "No, I'm going to treat his wounds, dummy."

"Well, there's no need to be rude."

"Yes, there is. There is need for urgency or he may die. Frodo, come with me." He grabbed the struggling Hobbit and Sirius and dragged them both up the stairs, the other two hobbits right behind. (Merry is outside, just as he is in the book, just in case anyone was wondering where he was. I haven't killed him: yet).

"What's going on?" Pippin asked.

"I'm rescuing you from danger. You can thank me later," Strider replied.

"Who is he?" Pippin wondered, pointing to Sirius.

"I don't know, but he's injured, so I'm going to help him."

"And why did you drag us up here?" Sam asked.

"To prevent any further mishaps involving Mr. Baggins."

Frodo gasped. "You know my name!"

"I am a friend of Gandalf the Grey; that should suffice for now. At the moment, I need some air. You stay up here and watch him. Don't go anywhere."

"But what about Merry?" Pippin shouted after him.

"I'll get him."

* * *

Snape could see it all. The Death Eaters were in mortal combat against the Order of the Phoenix. Over in a dark and dreary corner fought Bellatrix (see above for hyphenated name) and Sirius also known as Padfoot (dang it, he doesn't have as long a hyphenated name, in fact, there's no hyphen at all.:()

"Kill him," thought Snape. For once, his wish came true. Snape was very impressed by Sirius' back flip into the veil. Then . . .

It was raining. Snape glanced around. There was no way this was his office. He reached for his wand only to find it wasn't there. Nearby there was an awning, so, naturally, he ducked under it to avoid getting soaked. Then he did what any sane wizard would do; he tried to open the door.

"Una pue." The door di nothing. "iratnemugeteni! Ralucsavoidrac! Enircpodne! Nibolgomeh! Ralletap!"

"Excuse me, but why don't you just . . ."

"Knock on the door. All right." Snape knocked. It opened immediately and a man stormed past them. Snape entered and the short person who had just spoken to him followed. The midget went up to the man behind the desk.

"Where is Mr. Underhill?" Snape heard him ask.

"Up in his room," the innkeeper replied. The short person thanked him and headed toward the stairs. Using his skills, Snape snuck through the crowd to follow the short person. Up the stairs he went. When his leader ducked into a room, Snape hid outside the doorframe.

"What happened here?" a voice, presumably the one who had just walked in, asked.

"He just showed up under Frodo. It's like he came out of nowhere."

"Do you know who he is?"

"No." Snape ventured a look into the dark room. Four short people were grouped around a bed. Finally, one of them moved so that Snape could see. He knew the figure, the hair, the eyes, but it couldn't be. It was impossible. It was Sirius Black. Snape could feel his face drain of color as he resumed his position against the wall. He had to get out of there.

"Are you all right, sir?" asked a voice. Snape jumped, for he had been too preoccupied with Sirius's unjustified appearance to notice this man's approach. He was about a head shorter than Snape and looked like an untrustworthy sort. Snape liked him immediately.

"You look ill," the man said. "Come step outside with me." Snape didn't need to be asked twice. He followed the man downstairs and outside. They attracted a multitude of stares, but neither man was unaccustomed to this.

The rain had not ceased when they entered into the night. This did not sway Snape's host, however, who seemed keen to escape the lights of the inn.

"Now, what is the matter?"

"I just met an old acquaintance, one I'd hoped never to see again," Snape admitted. His companion nodded slowly, eerily.

"My name is Bill Ferny. What are you called?"

"Severus Snape."

"Come with me," Bill said suddenly. His eyes darted about to be certain no one was coming. Dashing toward the nearest, tallest, building, he began to climb it. Snape followed, wishing he had his broom. It was a slow, slippery, strenuous climb, but at long last, the pair found their footing on the roof.

"There," whispered Bill, extending a long finger toward the main gate of Bree. Snape followed the pointed nail with his eyes and saw a hooded figure on horseback, both disguised in black to match the night.

"A dementor!" Snape whispered, astonished. He wondered if they had followed Sirius here. Bill gave him a strange look.

"The ringwraiths, they are. What they're after, I don't know, but I think it has something to do with on of the new arrivals."

"I think I can find out," Snape said mischievously. "Get me a black cloak."

* * *

The room was pitch black, save for the light of the moon. The Hobbits were dozing off, one by one. Strider had not yet returned when in slunk a dark figure. It glided past the two youngest Hobbits and the third. Then it came to Sirius. Padfoot's eyes blinked open in intense pain. He nearly screamed at what he saw, then he tried to move, but his legs refused to cooperate. He collapsed beside the bed. He tried once more to rise, but found his injury prevented it. The cloaked menace was closing in. In a final effort, he screamed, hoping against hope that someone would hear him. Frodo was up in seconds, the blue beam of his sword illuminating the darkness. When he saw the figure, however, he froze in terror.

At that moment, Strider burst through the door. To both Frodo and Sirius's dismay, he threw back the figure's hood.

"Snake," he hissed, shoving Snape to the floor.

"Actually, that's Professor Snape to you, smelly," he growled.

"Shut up while you still can," Sirius glared back.

"Are you all right, Frodo?" Strider asked. The Hobbit nodded. "And you," he addressed Sirius, "I am glad to find you conscious, no thanks to him." Strider threw Snape a look that warned him to remain where he was.

"Where am I?" Sirius asked, bewildered.

"You are in the Inn of the Prancing Pony," said one of the Hobbits. Obviously this didn't help Sirius much, so he decided to explain.

"The last thing I remember before awakening here is being hit with a spell by Bellatrix Lestrange," he grimaced.

"Do you still have your wand?" Snape demanded, forgetting all discretion in his fear. Sirius searched his robe and found it hidden within its folds.

"No, I must have lost it in the battle." Snape breathed a sigh of relief. At least they were both wandless.

"Where was this battle?" Strider asked.

"In the department of mysteries."

"I have never heard tell of that place. Where is it?"

"In London, or course," Snape hissed, thinking these people were dull, even for muggles. Now it seemed they did not even know of London.

"Where's that?" one of the short ones asked. He had an accent that sounded Scottish.

"I would think a Scott would know where London, England is!" Snape hollered, growing impatient. This lot was even dumber than Potter, which he hadn't thought possible until now.

"What's a Scott?" asked the same midget.

"In all my travels throughout Middle Earth, I have never heard of this London or England. Perhaps you are further from home than you believe," Strider said. Something in his voice seemed menacingly powerful and threatening to Snape. The Ranger turned to Sirius. "I believe you should set off with us for Rivendell tomorrow. You are badly injured and Lord Elrond will surely be able to heal you."

"How do we know you're a friend?" one of the halflings demanded.

"You have no solid evidence either way, so you have two choices: either you trust me or you don't. Whatever your decision, you cannot wait for Gandalf here in Bree forever. The enemy is in pursuit." Snape's ears became more attentive at this. Who was this enemy who was so feared and what did he want with four puny, stupid, midgets.

"Will he be going with us?" Sirius asked, jolting Snape from his wonderings.

"Not if I can help it," the Ranger growled. "He has the look and feel of a servant of the enemy."

"The enemy of one is a friend to another," Snape said, smugly.

"Fool!" Sirius hollered. "Do you forget that I know what you are? You used to work for Voldemort, and I am not convinced that even now you are on our side as you claim to be." Sirius tried to rise, but Strider held him fast.

"He'll not be coming," the Ranger said again, staring sternly at Snape. "Let us all get some sleep."

"Mr. Frodo, we're not going with him are we?"

"Sam, I think a servant of the enemy would look fairer and feel fouler," Frodo replied with a side glance at Snape. Just then, Strider bent down beside him.

"We leave as soon as Professor Snape is asleep," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

1_Disclaimer: I do not own this, though I like to think I do. I don't, I don't, I don't. There I've convinced both you and me. Thank you, everyone who reviewed the last chapter and everyone who is reading this right now. I hope you enjoy it. MornieGalad_

**Chapter 2**

It took Snape much longer to get to sleep than Strider had hoped. The slimy haired human was far too curious for the Ranger's liking. Fortunately, Pippin and Merry had fallen asleep and Sam and Frodo knew better than to answer any of his cleverly phrased questions. At long last, Snape's eyes closed and he fell asleep, curled up in a ball to protect himself from any threat that might present itself. Strider shook the youngest Hobbits and helped Sirius to his feet.

"Where are we going?" Pippin asked sleepily. Strider quickly clasped a hand over his mouth, to which the Hobbit responded with high-pitched squeals, sounding much like a stuck pig.

"Shut up!" Sirius and Strider hissed as they left the room. Sirius chanced a peek back into the room. Fortunately, Snape was still asleep. They snuck down the stairs, or rather, Sirius and Strider slunk soundlessly down, Frodo and Sam attempted to and Pippin and Merry fell down the stairs, being still tired, a bit hung over, and unable to see in the darkness. Unfortunately, Merry had been behind the rest, so when he fell, everyone ended up in a jolly pile at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ouch!" yelled Pippin, who had somehow ended up at the bottom. Strider promptly smacked him.

"Shut up!" the Ranger hissed. Pippin whimpered. After a few moments, the group was untangled. They made for the door, which opened with a loud creak. The instant they stepped outside into the rain, Sirius got the distinct feeling he was being watched. Strider nodded.

"Do you two have ESP or something? I didn't hear anyone say anything," Pippin commented.

"There is no time for this!" Strider said harshly. "We have no time to lose. We make for Rivendell." With that, Strider set off, Sirius behind him. The Hobbits had to run to keep up with them. They ran out of Bree and kept going. Little did they notice a shadowy figure following them.

"Well, that was a fun race," Pippin breathed. "Can we go back now?" No one answered him. Pippin glanced at Merry.

"I don't think we'll be stopping or turning around anytime soon, Pippin," his cousin said. He was right. They ran the whole next day, stopping only for three brief meals, which was much fewer than the Hobbits had been hoping for. They camped for the night and then the next day, which came much too early for the Hobbits liking, followed the same pattern for that day and the following day as well, until they reached Amon Sul, Weathertop. Strider had told Sirius and the Hobbits to be especially alert and had gone to have a look around. Sirius had an eerie feeling that he was being watched again and, sure enough, he turned around just in time to avoid being impaled by a knife.

"Snape!" he hollered. "Expeliarmus!" Snape's other knives flew from his hands.

"I thought you didn't have your wand!" Snape cried in shock.

"I lied." The Hobbits were now all staring at Sirius in surprise. Pippin was the first to find his voice.

"How did you do that?" Before Sirius could answer, a piercing shriek filled the air.

"Dementors!" Sirius cried as he saw five black figures approaching. "Run!" He shoved the spellbound Hobbits to their feet and shoved them through an archway. With a glare, Sirius pushed Snape after them and then ran in the opposite direction, hoping to lure the Dementors away from the others. However, he soon realized he wasn't being followed. What if the Dementors had gone after the others instead? As fast as he could, Sirius dashed to the summit. One of the Dementors had Frodo cornered, his blade drawn. Without a second thought, Sirius rushed in front of the Hobbit and, an instant later, a searing pain rushed through his shoulder. He cried aloud. It felt as if fire and ice had penetrated his skin and poisoned him. Beneath him, he could feel Frodo trying to get out, but Sirius couldn't muster the strength to get off the Hobbit. His vision was blurring and he felt dizzy. In the seconds before he passed out, Sirius thought he saw a fire.

"Sirius," Frodo's voice called. Sirius turned his head slightly toward the voice.

"I can't see."

"Open your eyes," Pippin suggested. Sirius painfully opened his eyes, though they burned. He could still hardly see anything. He groaned.

"I see you got out from under me, Frodo," he managed to joke.

"I helped him," said a slimy voice. It was Snape!

"What are you doing here still? You tried to kill me!" Sirius yelled. In a panic, he searched for his wand, realizing Snape could have stolen it. Fortunately, but surprisingly, it was exactly where he had left it. He could feel himself losing consciousness again. Meanwhile, Aragorn was faced with a difficult decision: what to do with Snape, who was grinning broadly.

"You have very nice teeth," Pippin said. That startled everyone.

"Thank you," Snape said pleasantly.

"I personally think he looks terrifying," Merry whispered to Pippin.

"I know, but I was trying to compliment him and I couldn't say he had nice eyes, hair, or a nose, because that would be lying."

"Am I unconscious?" Sirius asked, hardly believing he was hearing this conversation.

"No, you're conscious just like the rest of us. You would think, though, that Mister Pippin could whisper a bit louder. I don't think they can quite hear him in Mordor," Sam said. Sirius decided to just stay quiet until the others figured out what they were going to do.

"I take it you tracked us all the way from Bree," Strider was saying to Snape. "I congratulate you on being undetected by me, which in itself is quite a feat. I still don't trust you, though." Snape shrugged.

"Whether or not you trust him, we seem to be stuck with him," Pippin pointed out. Strider glared.

"It seems the Halfling is right, but if you harm the Halfling in any way, your blood will be mine. If you have any way of speeding our arrival in Imladris, I suggest you use it. While you are at it, carry him," Aragorn rudely thrust Pippin at Snape.

"Hey, I thought you didn't trust him!" Pippin hollered.

"I don't," Strider replied, his back turned to the Hobbit as he helped Sirius to his feet.

"Then why do you trust him with me?" There was no response from the ranger except a shout of 'hurry' Then he and Sirius disappeared over the slope of Amon Sul, Frodo and Sam at their heels.

"They fell off the mountain. They'll never be seen again!" Pippin shrieked. "Merry, what will happen to the ring?"

"Pippin," Merry hissed, but the damage had already been done.

"What is this ring?" Snape sneered.

"An old trinket Frodo's mom gave him. It's quite beautiful," Merry lied. Snape nodded. He would learn more, but not now. He approached the edge of the cliff.

"No, no, please don't do it. I swear I'll be the best Hobbit ever. I won't steal mushrooms or bother anyone ever again. I'll give Uncle Bilbo all of his pipe weed back, well the stuff I didn't smoke yet. Just don't fall off the cliff!" Pippin shrieked. Snape, accustomed to such pitiful pleas, took no heed and stepped into the darkness. The Hobbit atop his shoulders opened his eyes.

"Are we alive?"

"Looks like, Pip," Merry answered. Snape started down the slope. Unfortunately, he was accustomed to being able to see by the light of his wand when he was in dark places. His last thought before he slipped was questioning himself why he hadn't taken Sirius' wand. Then he lost his footing.

Pippin screamed in an earsplitting octave. His life flashed before his eyes. Then the thud came.

"Pippin, are you all right?" Frodo concernedly fussed over his young cousin.

"Ai, ai, ai," Pippin groaned. "That as fun! Let's do it again."

"No," Snape said firmly. He set Pippin on his shoulders again and the Hobbit promptly began to examine every branch of every tree.

"I've never been this close to the treetops! Merry, I'm flying!" Sam sighed and they walked onward to Rivendell.

_Author's note: Please review & thank you for reading. MornieGalad_


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Lord of the Rings, Adventure, Humor