Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

Chicken eggs.

What happens when you're nice for once in your life and rescue a Goblin? Well it led me to being in the HP world, in the past, as Tom Riddle's cousin… I think. Note to self no more good deeds. Hey a thought! Toad plus chicken egg equals?

I am girl who was named Jade Olsen. I used to live in American and I used to not like hardly anything except for my horse, named Green Brisket. She is a good horse I don't know how or why she went with me, but she did so don't dis the horse or the horse's name. Just don't ask about the name, lets say I liked to name things after food and I liked to put a color in front of it.

Anyways, I was 11 years old more then old enough in those parts to ride by my self through the woods on the property I was riding in. No it wasn't my property and I wasn't allowed to be on it either so what? The day when it happened I was riding out to the river where there was a nice grassy area Green Brisket enjoyed.

The river was fast flowing and was only about 2 feet deep, easy enough for a horse to cross, but as I was about to find out it wasn't as easy for midgets nor Goblins .

When I first saw the Goblin traveling down river thrashing about I stared. Was that human and was it drowning? I wasn't certain on either count so I followed it down river a ways until the thrashing slowed and almost stopped before I decided yes it was drowning. Now did I want to save it? I was bored and it was summer so I was hot and a dip in the water sounded nice.

So I jumped into the 2 ft river and rescued the short person thing. Something I would regret. When I got it out of the river it spent a few long moments coughing up water. I stared at it and it was ugly, deformed ugly, scarily ugly. I was now certain it wasn't human and was trying to deice if I should shove it back into the water before it tired to eat me when it stopped couching and stared at me.

As we stared at each other I wondered many things 1 Did it find me as ugly as I found it? 2 Was it going to attack? 3 If it did attack should I try to kill it so I could sell its body to science and get lots of money or should I assume I won't win seeing at it had big teeth and big nails/claws and instead of dying should I run away very quickly? 4 How long are we going to stare at each other?

"…"

"….."

"…"

"….."

"….Hi." I offered the silence between myself and creature wondering if anything would happen. Something did happen as a matter of fact. The thing spoke or rather it yelled angrily.

"! #$%^##%^&&* W##$!"

"…."

I had no idea what it was saying as I have never heard the language or anything like it, but I would be willing to bet it involved curse words.

"#$ !4^^7$!#E$%!" The thing stomped its foot.

"…Hi?" I tired again. It calmed down a bit and pointed at me.

"& U$*)#) ^() "

"Hello…I am-

"*#%& *)_$*#&$"

"Still don't understand you…"

"$ # "

"No I didn't get that either. I-

"# $% ##4!" It yelled something and reached into its pocket and took out a bag. I exchanged a look with Green Brisket. She didn't know what was up with the deformed midget from hell either.

Then it laughed at me, grinned, and though pink powder at myself and my horse.

"What the hell…you know I saved your life and I really don't think-"

And then I knew no more. Imagine that.


	2. Not in Kansas anymore Brisket

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Not in Kansas anymore Brisket.

I woke up on a dirt floor with the worst headache anyone has ever had to the sound of strange hissy laughing and panicked whinnying.

"Who got the number of that…midget?" Ahh yes the midget from hell is the reason my head hurt I mustn't forget that. I will have vengeance!

"_Here hoarsey, hoarsey hoarsey! Come to Morphin! Come here so I can eat you!" _

Is he calling my horse 'hoarsey'? Is that even a word? Hay hold up a second! No one eats my horse!

I stumbled to my feet and clutching my pounding head found myself inside a shack. Rotting wood walls, holy roof, dirt floor, and really crappy chairs, and that ends your wonderfully detailed description of the shack because I was more focused on saving Green Brisket.

Continuing to stumbled I made my way out of the house and realized the situation was much worse then I thought.

For one thing the sun was so bright I though it would melt my brain as my headache began to hum a funeral march. For another there was a…a hoodlum with a knife waving it at my horse.

Now I am not stupid, this was a fully grown male hoodlum and I was a girl of 11. I wasn't winning this one even I was the one with a knife. That did not change the fact that he was trying to eat my horse and that just couldn't be allowed even if I did get stabbed a few times for my trouble.

"Hey! Leave my horse alone! Just because she's named after food doesn't mean you can eat her!"

The man turned to me with his glazed crazy eyes still holding the knife and I was just about to run from the hills when he spoke.

"_Filthy little muggle girl! Crave her up! Crave her up like hoarsey!"_

" _I am not a filthy little muggle girl and I'm not food either!" _

Normally I would say it's a bad idea to bait the bad guy, but what I said shocked him into dropping his knife so obviously I just did a brilliant thing here even if I'm not sure why he did that.

"_She speaks! She speaks to Morphin!"_

"_Well of course I-"_

No. Muggle, speaking, Morphin, just no. That does mean what I think it should mean at all. I refuse to even think about it.

"_She doesn't look like that muggle." _He said more to himself then to me.

By this time Green Brisket has made her way to my side in some relief at spotting me. Well its more like she's cowering behind me and can horses even cower? I guess so.

Well why not humor the crazy person or at least keep him talking?

"_That is because I am not a muggle." _If I'm dreaming or anything then I may as well be magical. More fun that way. Wait, wait am I hissing? I am not hissing. I'm just not. Nope there is no hissing here.

"_Not a muggle. She's not a muggle…she looks like me…"_

"_What!" _I look nothing like that lunatic! What we both have dark hair and blue eyes, but we look nothing alike at all! It's not event he same shade of blue!

Then he smiles a horrible smile with yellow teeth and starts to walk toward me with his arms out like he's a zombie or something thing.

"_Daughter!" _

I'm not sure if its just being called his daughter that does it or the fact that he was trying to hug me instead of eat my brains, but I whatever the reason I scream at the top of my lungs, jump onto Green Brisket's back and before I can even nudge her to move we're flying down the road far away from the crazy hoodlum.


	3. Jaded Misery

Jaded Misery

After our daring escape from the crazy hoodlum I began to realize several things.

1] While the country is quite nice away from the shack I have no idea where we are.

2] Green Brisket and I will require food, water, and shelter. Not in that order.

3] My best theory at the moment was that the midget from hell somehow sent me to Harry Potter land if there was such a thing, which thee wasn't so really the theory didn't work at all.

You know what? Scratch number three because there was just no way- big house. Excuse me I was saying that there is no way I'm in a book, however I just saw a big house. The Riddle house? No. Yes, maybe.

" Well Green Brisket. Shall we wonder up the big house and see if snobby people are in there? Mind you if they tell me this is Little Hangington I will scream. Is it Hangington? Er Hagington? No that sounds stupid. I'm pretty sure I was right the first time."

Green Brisket Whinnied in answer.

"Yes your right of course. Wait by the gate darling? Yes you can run away if the crazy man with a knife pops out."

I knocked on the big door. They really needed a door bell. Wait are there door bells in the 1940s? 30s? 19 somthings. The door was opened by a butler.

"Yes?" Well the butler was snobby sounding. I fought the impulse to answer with 'Yo!'

" Hello. I'm afraid I'm a little lost. I was hoping you could tell me whose house this is? Because I'm trying to find a landmark. If I'm right that this is the Riddle house then I'll know I need to go north."

Last bit was full of crap, but hay it was close enough to the truth.

"This is indeed the House of the Riddle family. Is there anything else?."

" No, Tha-" He shut the door in my face. Rude!

"Well Green Brisket. It seems we are in a story book and not a nice story book or even a nice time in a story book for that matter. I mean Harry Potter is cool, but I'm fairly sure that Harry himself isn't alive yet nor his parents. The only interesting people alive are the snobs, hoodlum, and the mini Dark Lord. Well Dumbles, but I don't much care for Dumbles."

For awhile Green Brisket and I road into the yonder until that is we came upon a chicken coup.

"Food! Of course the food belongs to other people, but still… Your not going to like this Brisket baby, but if I do gather food we're going to have to go back to the crazy man because there is no fire in which to cook. Yes I know girl. I won't let him eat you."

I ended up gather several eggs before the people in the house next to the chicken came out to chase me away, lucky I had a horse in which to make my escape.

Green Brisket slowed as we drew nearer to the shack and gave me an uncertain look.

" Don't worry baby. Momma won't let the mean crazy man hurt you." I cooed to the horse which is a perfect normal thing to do by the way.

I carefully got off of my horse while carrying the eggs I wasn't halfway to the door before the man, err Morfin, phin, fin? Oh who cares? The hoodlum came out.

"_Daughter!"_ For some reason I remember being in this situation before.

" _I have food!"_ So don't you dare hug me or I'll start pelting eggs at you!

"_Daughter brought food for Morphin!"_

"_And for me as well. Do you know how to cook? I at least can cook eggs, but I need a fire and a pan."_

How in the heck does Harry not notice that his vocal cords feel weird when he talks this language?

"_Snake eggs?" _He holds a snake up to my face. A dead one. I back up.

"_No, chicken eggs. Food. You bring me pan and start fire."_

I knew he was crazy, but I didn't think he was this…simple? I guess that's the nicest word for it. He goes into the shack, house thing, hopefully to get a clean pan and something to start a fire with.

Against all odds about half an hour later I have a pan cooking eggs over a fire; of course I had to clean the pan and a wooden spoon so I could scramble the eggs. So I was cooking over an open fire and the hoodlum was staring at me, sometimes he would mumble to himself or giggle.

"_Daughter…named…" _I stare at him was he asking for my name or trying to name me? Best that I avoid the later

"Jade. Like the pretty green stone. That's my name." I answer in English because I'm getting tired of hissy speech. He smiled at me and for a moment I thought he got it.

"_Jaded Misery."_

"What?"

"_Jaded Misery Gaunt."_

"That is so not my name. Jade, just Jade not Jaded. I have not been jaded."

"_Misery."_

"What is with Misery? I am not miserable either. What in the-"

I was cut off by an owl with a letter. Of you are flipping kidding me!

Dear Ms. Jaded M Gaunt.

We are proud to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

That is not my name and he just spoke that name how in the flipping, firkin, fudging, world did the owl get here so fast?

I start at the owl. I don't suppose horses are on the list of animals you can take to school?

Dear Deputy Headmaster Dumbledore.

I would be honored to accept your invitation to Hogwarts, however I have a few problems.

First of which is that my name is Jade, not Jaded.

Second of which is that I do not have the money to attended, nor a responsible adult to take me there.

Last, but most important if I leave my horse at home my father will eat her and I'm rather fond of her.

Hoping you can help clear up these problems, Jade M Gaunt.


	4. We ate Chicken Eggs

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We ate chicken eggs and they were surprisingly good. I received a letter saying that someone would be by the next day to 'investigate my problems' and help me if they could, wanted to, felt like it, or something like that.

So after we ate it was just me, my horse, and the hoodlum everyone was going to have to think was my father. I suppose now would have been a good time to do some planning or some quality thinking, but I was more bothered then with my living current living arrangements then anything else as I should be for there was-

A) No point in dwelling on the past when for even if I knew I how I got here I don't think I would be able to fix it.

B) No point in worrying about the future when this could all be a dream or I would vanish back to world at some in time.

C) There were problems with the here and now.

For you see I am a practical person and food, water, and shelter for me and my horse are the most practical things to worry about at the moment. While food and water had been taken care of the shack was not a suitable shelter, at the moment anyway.

I clapped my hands loudly causing both my fake father and my horse to look at me.

"Alright then! I think that…spring cleaning is in order even though its summer, among other things."

I picked up a stick and held it out to Morphin. Let's see if he can be useful.

"_Father? I need you to take out your wand and go use a cleaning charm on the bed type things in the shack, then I need you to turn this stick into a horse's brush and I need something to clean my horse's hoofs with, and for good measure you are going to cast the repairing charm at everything you own including the shack itself. You are going to do as I say or I will never cook for you again or bring food for that matter!"_

Amazingly it didn't turn out that bad. Sure he didn't want to obey me at first and seemed a little irate, but after I way too easily, snatched his wand from him and threaten to do something rather gross and painful to him with it things went more smoothly.

I don't think wizards are trained to be on the look out for someone reaching over and grabbing there wand out of there hands when it's pointed at them for some reason or maybe because he was crazy he just didn't think I would do something as sane as pluck the wand out of his hand instead of pleading for forgiveness when it looked like he was going to curse me.

I thought he was rather miffed at me stealing his wand and ordering him around until he padded me on the head and said what a good little Slythrine I was. Well I suppose that's what he meant when he said, _'Good girl, snake, sneaky snake daughter.' _Yeah… Is he supposed to be this way? I mean I know he was crazy and violent, but he seems a bit too childish. You know it just figures that I would find myself in a book and realize the way everyone else portrays the characters are really OOC compared to what the author had in mind.

Well that doesn't surprise me as much as the fact that Morphin was competent with a wand. I mean if he could do it why had he never tried to fix the place up before?

It took a long time for me to both get him to understand what I wanted and get him to do it, but by the time the day was over the crappy shack was looking more like a livable cabin. Amazing what repairing charms, cleaning charms, and transfiguration could do, thou it seemed it took an 11 year old to make the man get it done. Thou why he kept listening to me when I gave him his wand back I don't know, was it because he realized it was a good idea, because he thought I was his daughter or because he was used to his father ordering him around?

Oh who knows and who cares? I'm tried it took a long time to tend to Green Brisket properly while making sure my hoodlum/fake father didn't destroy the shack/cabin while trying to fix it.

Now I would go to bed, in the newly transfigured bed with magically thicken blankets I had Morphin make me and I would wake up at home and everything would be back to normal. It better be back to normal or that midget would suffer!


	5. Day of weird

Sorry its a short chapter. The next one will be longer.

Day of weird

It wasn't back to normal. A midget would indeed suffer and there was Dumbledore!

Bloody Dumbledore! He was the one to come speck to me. Now was he just the normal person that did this with all students or did he know I was related to Tom Riddle? Hold up how old was Tom anyway? He could be younger then me wouldn't that be weird? Pift! As if all of this wasn't weird.

The conversation with Dumbledore for example was weird.

" Good evening Mr. Gaunt. And you must be-"

"_Trespasser! Stranger! Too bright!"_

My fake daddy appeared to have a problem with Mr. Dumbs wardrobe. Of course I too was offended by that much pink, and fuchsia with yellow strips.

"I'm Jade. I will not answer to Misery this Lug was brain damaged at the time of my naming. _Father, sit, stay, and quite please._ Let me show you my horse."

He allowed me to escort him away from my fake Daddy easily enough.

"This is Green Brisket. My father wants to eat her. I want to take her with me for she is my very special powerful familiar and should be treated with respect and awe."

Green Brisket eyed Dumbledore with much interest. I think she wanted to eat his robes.

And that's the best reason I could come up with for why I should be allowed to bring a horse to school somehow and don't ask me how, but it worked. As I said I'm in the weirdest place on earth.

"How do you do Green Brisket?" He bowed at my horse. What in the- oh wait maybe he thought I was being serious when I said she was magical and needed to be treated with respect. As he bowed the man's large floppy yellow hat, well flopped back and forth a bit. Brisket eyeing the hat now, gave a whinny of want which Dumbledore seemed to take as a reply.

"How fascinating! Its quite rare to have a magical familiar of such size." Oh my god he's buying it! I wonder what else I BS my way into.

"Well it's not normally done, but I'm sure our groundskeeper could care for her."

"I'll be caring for her Sir, I'm used to waking early and taking care of her needs I only need a place to keep her and food and water for her."

"Of course, of course. Your familiar bond seems very strong."

What in the heck is he talking about? Brisket and I exchange a What the Pigeon look.

"Thank you."

" Well we'd best be off. I suppose your father will not be joining us?"

" No, no he's not fond of…people, or places, or things. Let's just say he has a vendetta against all nouns not related to him."

The color blind man laughed and his eyes twinkled. I had to ask, I just had to.

" Did you know that your eyes sparkle? You might want to get that checked out. Could be a problem one day."

He smiled his sinister grandfatherly smile and didn't say anything.

" So we going your Professorness. "

"We are. Take my arm I shall appearate us to Diagon ally."

I took his arm, but didn't count on Brisket taking his hat.

So as I stand in a pub with a man in neon clothes and a rather freaked out looking horse, I realized to my horror that the weirdness was only beginning.


	6. Acquiring a minion

Acquiring a minion.

Did you ever get that feeling that everyone was staring at you and then when you looked up you realized that…you were right?

Let me paint the picture here for you. It's 1930s, 40s ish and I am a female in blue jeans and a ugly yellow t shirt. Odd thing number one.

To my right is a large white/grey horse who stares at everything with wide eyes and keeps leaning into me for comfort making me stumble. Uncommon thing number two.

To my left is an older man with orange hair and the most horrible robes anyone has ever scene in any of their lives. Bizarre thing number three.

Did they have a right to stare? Yes I suppose so. Did I feel rather insulted considering most of these people were wearing horrible frilly robes? Yes, yes I did.

"This way, we'll need to get some money from the Hogwarts fund in Gringotts."

Ok, first of all he looks so completely calm its frecky.

Second of all does he except the horse come into Gringotts with us.

Most importantly, I had a sudden sense of doom. No idea why, it seemed rather random at least until I was leading my horse into the building and I saw…_them_.

I did not scream; EVIL MIDGETS FROM HELL!', but I thought it very loudly and I was most displeased.

So this was what that thing was. I saved the live of Goblin and got sent into this mess.

So much for the honor of a warrior race! So much for all the good things I had ever read about the Goblins in any fan fiction I have ever looked at. No more I say!

There will be no more nice thoughts about Goblins from me, no Sir!

I promptly informed Dumbles that my horse and I would wait outside, for I was against cleaning my horses dropping from the shinny marble floor.

As I said this rather loudly I expect the Goblins were as glad to see me leave as I was getting out of there.

Outside of Gringotts I deiced to sit atop Green brisket so I could sneer down at those that stare at me. Isn't there some saying about being atop a high horse and being a snob? I think there was.

I was soon approached by someone, I guess they were around my age, but I certainly didn't care. I was not here to make friends after all. Could the boy not see I was practicing my sneering over here?

" Neat horse!" Well it was hard to sneer at that because my horse was simply awesome and everyone should acknowledge that.

"Thank you." Then the boy and I stared at each other for a few moments. Was I supposed to say something here? I mean shouldn't he be the one saying 'your welcome' or he could just go away. As I totally won our staring contest I took stock of the boy.

He was large. Talk and board, with perfect average features. Well then that was exciting.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" I wondered if the boy was a little slow? Something in the eyes seemed to give that impression.

"Girl." Did I have to talk to the lug? Well it's not like I have anything better to do.

"Her name is Green Brisket. My name is Jade. What's yours?" Girls weren't normally this abrupt in this time were they? The Dude didn't seem to mind.

"Graeme Goyle, nice to meet you." Wait, wait, this was one of Malfoy's minions? Why am I talking to Malfoy's minion? Why do I only find lame people? While I'm on this subject, why me! You know some divine being could start answering me at anytime.

Also what's with the weird names? At least Misery is better then Graeme of all things. Graeme makes me think of Grey and Grim, and well gross stuff.

Back to the sad conversation at hand.

" A pleasure." I had hoped he would go away now, but instead he starts petting my horse. Green Brisket doesn't really seem to care.

Finally Dumbledore comes out of the bank.

"Hello there young man, its good your already making friends Mrs. Gaunt."

Graeme mumbles a hello and looks rather uncomfortable. Dumbledore beams happily and I just know how this is going to turn out.

Introductions happen as the not surprising adult inquiry about where the boy's parents were.

Even I was rather surprised when the boy said his parents were picking him up at 6. I didn't have a watch, but it was well early, before noon at least. Someone's parents leaving them all day long by themselves was kind of sad so I didn't bother arguing when Dumbledore invited him along.

How lovely it seems my first friend will be a Goyle, one named Graeme of all things.

Well maybe I could find some sliver lining somewhere…Oh, that's it! I can have him as my minion instead of Malfoy's. I've always wanted a minion…

"Help me from my horse." I ordered grabbing the boy's shoulder to sled myself off of Green Brisket.

"You want to lead her?" I offered as if I was doing him a favor and gave him the rope I had around Green Briskets led my horse down the street for me, looking rather thrilled that he was getting to. I guess he likes horses?

I was feeling very happily snobby as I went into a book store, Graeme offering to stay outside with Green Brisket, like my own person servant boy.

Perhaps this weird day wouldn't be so bad after all.


	7. Toad plus chicken egg

I'm sorry all my chapters are kind of short. I can't help it.

I would love a beta for this story by the way if anyone wants to offer.

Toad plus chicken egg

I got my books, potions ingredients, robes, etc…etc… and then time for my wand.

I shall point out that Graeme had already bought all of his things. It seemed he had already been at Diagon ally for a few hours. This just seemed to make his situation even more crappy, but there was nothing I could about it anyway, so I- hold up. I have the beginning of a plan here. I'll think it out a bit more in the wand shop.

The Olive dude was creepy; let's just leave it at that.

I only went though about 5 wands before I got mine, the first wand set Dumbledore's ropes on fire, the second wand turned the wandmaker's hair purple, the other two did other random unimportant things, however my favorite was the last one which turned everything Dumbs was wearing black. Do you know how weirdly awesome it was to see a gothic looking Dumbledore? I truly had that he turned his clothes back.

At least I discovered my wand was dragon heartstring and alder wood. To my absolute shock this was the same core and wood I had received on Pottermore. I guess JK knew what she was doing, huh?

My plan mostly planed out I stopped the Professor before we could leave the shop and come in hearing distance to my minion. You see I wanted to one explore knockturn ally, and two maybe use the leftover of my money to buy a nice book that would tell me how to cast Ginny's bat bogie hex or something cool like that and well Dumbles just wasn't going to allow that while he was here now was he? Thus I needed an excuse to stay here while he left and I being as awesome as I was had one.

"Sir? I know we're finished with our shopping, but before we go I was wondering if I could stay with Graeme until his parents come to get him? You don't need to stay with me, we could explore the ally and you could pick me up at 6 too, or if it's not too far I can just ride Green Brisket home."

I turned hopeful eyes on the man, hoping that as I suspected he couldn't resist someone wanting to do a good deed.

I was right, naturally.

"That sounds like a lovely idea. I'm afraid that it is a bit far so I'll be happy to pick you up at 6. Stay with your friend now and don't wonder out of the ally alright my dear?"

" Yes sir!" I beamed at him happily trying to forget that he had called me 'dear' of all things. It was a little weird that he didn't mind, but in this day and age kidnapping was rare and children could mostly do as they please I guess. I suppose it helped that I would have a male 'friend' with me. They were all sexist morons in this time so I would have to get used to having an escort a lot of the time.

Dumbles must like me because he slipped me some extra money to get myself some ice cream. As much as I really didn't like him much it would be kind of funny to have Dumbs favor when he doesn't or won't like my 'cousin'.

So the man with clothes way to bright finally left and I turned to assert my authority on my minion. I informed him that I would be going into many stores, and going down Knockturn ally and he was to follow me and make sure no harm can to Green Brisket no matter what.

Graeme who was ridiculously pleased that I was staying with him either really didn't mind obeying me or didn't even realize that I was ordering him about like, well like the minion he was.

We were just about to turn down the evilish ally when my eyes caught a display on a window.

It was a picture of a frog hopping very high and doing back flips. Now this meant something I was sure of it. I just needed to think of why this was important. Frogs, Toads, Neville's toad, tadpoles, frog eggs, fro-eggs. Toad plus chicken egg equals?

Oh I couldn't. It wouldn't work. Impossible. Too dangerous. A very stupid thing to do…

I wonder if I could find a book about how to hatch and raise a baby basilisk?

5mins later

"His name is Purple Biscotti." I informed Graeme holding out a large brown toad.

"Hello Purple Biscotti." Said Graeme politely.

" His children shall be great, powerful beings as their sire Purple Biscotti shall be respected. Brisket baby? Will you let Biscotti ride on you?"

She looked at me like, 'what is that thing?' but she let me place him on her back anyway.

"Now that, that has been taken care of let us explore the-" My stomach rumbled loudly.

"I'm hungry. Let's find a place to eat. Any suggestions?"

He looked at me like he had never been asked a question before, finally he more asked then said " Leaky Cauldron?"

" That works."

And so myself, my horse, my minion and my toad all went to eat at the Leaky Cauldron. Would we have a nice peaceful meal? Somehow I didn't think so.


	8. We ate lunch

Lunch

Lunch was actually very peaceful, see most people chose staring at the horse, toad, and children combo and whispering about them as apposed to doing some strange loud thing that I had been rather expecting.

I was just waiting for something to happen, maybe the Malfoy's would come to reclaim their minion, maybe some odd person would introduce themselves, maybe someone would try and steal my toad, maybe I would catch a glimpse of my evil cousin, who knows what could happen in the story of my weird life?

"Um…" My faithful minion decided to speck. This should be interesting.

"What?"

"Are you alright?" He sounded kind of concerned. What's up with that?

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"You keep looking around and muttering." I was not! I was keeping Constant Violence! What? No, it wasn't violence, what was it Moody said? Voidance, valance, oh come on it started with a V…

"It's not being paranoid if they're really out to get you." I said the first thing that comes to mind because I was trying to remember that saying, I knew the meaning of the word and that it starts with a V, but what was it?

"What?"

"What? Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Just let me know if you see anything strange and we'll run for our lives or at least for my sanity."

Who cares what some book character used to say anyway? I'm very displeased to find that it really bugs me so I guess I do.

"Oh…why'd you get a toad when you have a horse?" Why is he still talking?

"Why are you wearing a shirt when you have on pants?"

He started at me like I had short circuited his brain.

"They are both animals, but different animals, your pants and shirt are both clothes, but different clothes. They have a different purpose."

"Oh…"

Now he's quite. Was indicating that he shouldn't wear a shirt inappropriate in this time? It wouldn't surprise me. I'm going to have a horrible time adjusting to all this old time nonsense. I know I'll go off the deep end when people start being bluntly sexist. Maybe I should get a club, or a knives, or some magical weapon thing that's not a wand so I can win the fights I start. That might be a good idea.

"You done? I'm done. Good. Let us go where…no horse has been before!" I almost said, no toad has gone before, but as wizards kept them both for pets and potions they most likely had been there before.

So after the peaceful lunch it was time to venture into the evilish ally. Would I find a book of dark spells, another strange pet, an enchanted weapon, or an easy to make potion that made your nose hairs attack you?

I don't know, but Green Brisket, Purple Biscotti, Graeme Goyle, and I would find out.

* * *

><p>If we got odd looks in the normal Ally we got some very strange ones in the abnormal Ally, which was so not fair.<p>

I mean we were approached by a women selling shrunken heads, a man covered in scars, and a bizarre creature person thing. Maybe it was hag? She was very gross looking. Anyways compared to the freaks of the ally we were perfectly normal and should not be stared at.

The woman with the heads wants us to buy them.

"Hello there, dearer would you like to by a head? Fresh heads? Fresh heads?"

The man with the scars wanted us to scare us away.

"Tis not the place for children." He had a creepy voice.

And I think the hag wanted to eat us. She didn't speck only drooled.

Of course I was not to be daunted! I assured the women with the heads as soon as I knew what you did with shrunken heads I would be back for some.

I also informed the man that we were not children we had a problem with an ageing potion thank you very much. He apparently accepted that because he pointed us to the potion shop. It sounded wonderful I bet there are lots of illegal potions that can give you super powers! What? That's what always happens in fanfics where Harry pulls his head out of his arse and finds, gets, receives, an illegal potion.

We ignored the flesh eating hag.

So I was just wondering if we should go into the illegal books store, illegal potion store, an illegal wand shop or the always fun Borg no, brogans and something's. That shop that out to have Tom's no my pretty locket. I have just as much right to it as he does.

However I realized we had a bit of a problem. I wasn't given that much money to start with, I didn't like buying things second hand, I spent the extra money Dumbledore gave me on lunch and a toad, and therefore I couldn't really afford anything.

Freaking fibbing flunking Fudge!


	9. Money Talks

Money talks

If there is anything I know how to do its how to not look like an idiot and how to fake it really well. Did I have enough money to buy anything more then a few files for Purple Biscotti? No I did not. Would that stop me from going where I please and browsing though powerful dangerous things? Of course it wouldn't.

The objective was now turned to window shopping and acquiring owl catalogs. (Of course I would need an owl also. Lord, I'm getting to many pets as it is!) The complication would be having a nice long look without being kicked out. At least I didn't look too poor as I had thrown my new robes on over my muggle clothes before I left the robe shop.

I would like to point out that any morals I may once have felt disappeared when I went into a story book. It's not real so who cares if I do something immoral? I will however not try to shoplift these stores when I didn't know anything about magical defensives of shoplifting.

Now that I think of shoplifting that could solve some money problems. In the muggle world where the technology was barely worth saying anything about, it should be very easy to take things and resell them….wait what? Why would I go though all that trouble? I can't believe after all the work put into our cabin thing I forgot about the repairing charm.

Why do something illegal and risky for money when I can take broken things out of the trash repair them and then sell them?

I could start a business even. Go into town with Green brisket, buy some broken things claiming my father could fix them and take them back the next day to sell. I could have plenty of muggle money to exchange for wizard money in a week's time.

Thinking of money if I started thinking long term, which I was not going to because I shall wake up any day now, but if I did start thinking that way I would have to start thinking about making big money with stocks and things.

Of course I have no clue about stocks, but I'm sure I could find some name brand something I know of that's not big yet, but will be.

The point of all this money talk is that I went into many stores with my nose in the air pretending to not be impressed with the many things I couldn't understand all the while making a very long list of things to come back and buy.

If I was stuck in this bizarre world then not only shall I have magic, but you better believe I'll be rich as well.

Mental note: Vashing cabinet, neck less of death, hand of glory, and the pretty shinny locket of future evilness, were all things I wanted to buy when I had the money.

If I was lucky maybe I could get the locket before school started. I had the beginnings of a plan for how to deal with my dear cousin of mine and the locket could help.

All the while I shopped around without buying anything looking snotty and often demanding steal be there for the next I visit I would buy it, Graeme, Brisket, and Biscotti followed.

Graeme still appeared to be enjoying my company and so I offered to meet him again at the Leakey cauldron next week for more shopping. I really would need to get used to have an escort and he seemed to be of very good servant stalk. Brisket had grown rather found of Graeme and now and then would try and nibble his hair. Biscotti, well Biscotti was asleep. It figures I would get a lazy toad, though I suppose its all for the best. I am going to have to make it hatch some eggs after all. Now that I thought about making a toad stay on eggs and keep them the right temperature could be kind of hard to do…

No matter somehow all would be well.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

The girl had not left the boy she claimed to feel sorry for, nor had she raced to fill her pockets with dark objects. Dumbledore watched the girl spend her money on a large brown toad and then drag her new friend off to the Leaky Cauldron.

Perhaps he should have been more trusting of the little girl who had looked up at him with innocent eyes and just now gave a dearly needed kind smile to the lonely boy at her side.

He felt guilty spying on the girl and for such a reason as who she was relative to. She had seemed very open, and unlike Tom, unlike the girl's father even he saw no hint of darkness or madness in her.

Of course looks could be deceiving, but there were many things that hinted at the true innocence of the Mrs. Gaunt. She obviously cared deeply about her familiar which was an animal without any dark symbolism. She was not frightened or angered by her father; rather it seemed that she looked after him with commendable loyalty.

It was not long that he watched them eat before he deiced he had better things to do then act in such a hypocritical fashion.

Perhaps Jade Misery Gaunt would be good for her older cousin, or perhaps they would have little to do with one another when they were in Hogwarts, either way Tom was the one that needed to be guided away from his dark path.

Without much further thought he left the Leaky Cauldron intending to return just before 6, never knowing the innocent child's stole down Knockturn Ally.

…

So do you think it's believable that Dumbledore wouldn't keep spying on her? I can't help thinking he wouldn't waste the whole day doing so when the only reason for caution is her family and that's kind of close to the bigoted ideas going around of hating someone because of blood and family history.


	10. Lumos

Please review and tell me your thoughts!

Lumos

To make the end of a long day short Dumbles did come and take me away, Graeme's parents did come and take him away too and I was deposited with my horse, toad and school supplies at my fake daddy's house thing.

Now while the day err… the evening was young I had plans to make.

It seemed school started in a month and half give or take a few days.

Before school started I had a list of things to do.

1)Hatch baby evil snake of doom. How long will it take to hatch one? Toads are cold blooded as are snakes, but it starts as a chicken egg so should it be cold, or warm? Should I put it in water like frog eggs? Or maybe it should be buried in dirt and the toad should be forced to sit on the dirt? How the crap is this thing going to work and how can I find out?

2)Acquire the family locket. It would make things a lot easier having proof for my parentage and if needed I might be able to use it to …what …bribe my evil cousin or something like that? Maybe... I know he wants it and if he gives me trouble or I need something from him it would be good to have some advantage, besides knowing some of the 'future'.

3)I need an owl so I can use the catalogs. One that won't eat my Toad.

4)Both 2 and 3 means I need money.

Therefore it is time to practice my transfiguration. If I could turn a rock into something with just a little value and then sell it I could start my buying broken things and fixing them idea. It's tempting to just transfigure everything, but at some point it will turn back to normal and if I did it too much word would get around that my stuff is bad.

I could ask fake father to do it, but just because this entire world is fake and I am most likely having a really strange dream while in a comma or something, doesn't meant the idea of doing magic isn't epic.

Now that I think about it, it would be a good idea to practice some first year spells before I get the trace-wait! I live with my magical father. I can do all the magic I want anyways! Cool…

I still want to try something. Let's see…

I take out my wand and focus. I would assume that the best way to do magic would be to focus, breath deeply, visualize, think of nothing else, but the effect of the spell…

I shouted the first spell that entered my head and almost gave Green Brisket a heart attack.

"LUMOS!"

"AHHHHH the light it burns!"

Hooollly Hellll.

That's bright. How do I turn it off?

"Nix, Pix, Onex?"

If anyone asked I would deny that I sat on the glowing tip of the wand so I wasn't blinded.

So…Green Brisket and Purple Biscotti were both glaring at me…I had epic light powers apparently…and I need to remember how to turn off the light.

It started with an N…come on this is a lot more important to remember then that Moody says Constant Vigilance! Oh…in the worlds of that evil midget $&!&(%#()&$$ # !

"_Angry daughter? We skin the muggles!"_

Oh god…hi dad. What a nice way to cheer me up.

"No we will not skin the muggles! How do you turn off lu-the light spell." I am not saying that again.

"_Off light? Where's light?"_

"This light…" I removed the wand from my hindquarters and blind us all again.

"_AHAHHHHHH BRIGHT LIGHT!"_

No duh.

"How do you turn light off?"

"_Finite!" _He jabs his wand in my direction and my light turns out.

I blinked. That was not what I wanted.

"Thank you, but I didn't want you to cancel my spell I wanted to know how I could turn it off."

He blinked. _"Finite." _He repeated.

So he doesn't know the spell that just turns off light? I watch him walk back into the cabin which I now realized is a dark green. Why did he make the shelter we live in dark green? It doesn't look that bad actually...anyways.

"Well Brisket I think I should locate the spell in my spell book and actually read the theory this time. I knew it was unrealistic in those fanfics where the OC learns up to like all third year spells in a summer just because they've read the books."

After about an hour of reading, rereading and practicing wand movements I was ready try again. This time knowing the counter spell was Nox and if that didn't work then Finite would cancel it also.

I also knew that what I had done with my visualizing was overpowering my spell. If I had very little magic or was trying a very draining spell doing so would have worked wonderfully. I image if I do so with a stunner or Incendio I will have very awesome results in a fight, but to do in a classroom would be very foolish.

Also wand movements and pronunciation helped controlling both power, shape, and color of spells.

It seemed there was lots of variants of lumos, which could give me different colored light, different intensity, could give off slight heat, could start blinking, and all was determined by a mixture of intent and slight wand movements.

I suppose it made sense really. Harry did say in the books it wasn't all waving your wand and having something happen. Also if that's all there was to it how could anyone write essays about a wand flick equaling light?

It's possible that we didn't hear about this in the books because the teachers didn't get a chance to go over everything and just how interesting would we have found his school work as the years went by if everything was detailed.

As it was now I saw I would have a lot of work ahead of me. Flipping though the charms book it was oblivious the other spells were much the same.

Learning how to send up sparks was the next spell which went into nearly every color of the rainbow and progressed into making basic shapes in the sky. As annoying as it was I really did need to know that for emergencies.

There was two whole chapters of theory after that on Wingardium Leviosa before it got to the casting.

I'm nearly in shock that this requires real work. May I have a moment to rant? Thank you.

Why the hell isn't it as easy for me as it is for all the other people I've read about in this situation! Who cares if they aren't real, I am and I should get to learn everything super fast too!

Ok, selfish self-centered rant over now.

I don't even want to look in my other books now…

I picked up a rock.

"Hey dad can you make this into a pretty bowel that will last a few days?"

He looks at me.

I look at him.

"_Bowel?"_

He points at one of the dishes I made him transfigure earlier.

"No. Pretty bowel to sell."

He smiles with his yellow teeth to my horror.

"_Pretty Bowel!"_

He does something complicated with his wand to the rock I'm holding and it turns into a very shinny sliverish bowel with a moving snake on it. Moving I say!

This could take awhile. I inform of the corrections I needed and I went outside to practice lumos again. This time I got it right on the first time. Turning it on and off was in fact easy now I would start with the easiest color change. Blue….

How in the Hogwarts did that give me puce? It's not even on the color chart of colors you can do! ( I should start using wizard swears now. It sounds like fun and should make me blind in more.)

"_Daughter pretty bowel!"_

It was a pretty bowel in fact I wonder if he can make permanent so I can keep it. It had my horse galloping around the bowel with my Toad riding on her back. Lovely, still moving, but lovely.

This was going to be a very long night.


	11. In Three Days

Why did it take me a long time to write the next chapter? It didn't I wrote that chapter as soon as I finished the last one and then I realized it sucked and I didn't post it because I had to change ti be at least kind of goo, but then I lost it and rewrote a different chapter that I liked a lot more.

Found away to move the plot along a lot faster then what I had before so I'm much more happy with it.

Here you are, what you have been waiting for!

Chapter 11!

In Three Days

The last three days while being somewhat productive were also rather frustrating.

Yes I had finally mastered the Merlin damned Lumos spell of doom, yes I had finally sold some normal looking bowels, yes I had fake Daddy fix a few things for me to bring back to the owners and hopefully get paid and yes I had gotten the eggs for her experimental deadly pet.

Sounds like things were going well huh? Wrong!

Now did I get any of this the easy way? HA!

Does anything ever go remotely the way I want it to? Oh please… (eye roll)

No of course nothing could go nice and simple and 'bloody' logical. (I had forgotten that I could start using British swears and stuff too. I had always wanted to say holy cricket so that was pretty sweet.)

Where shall I start? How about how much magic sucks? That seems a good place to start.

I read, well skimmed though all of my spell books and do you know what I found? Pages upon pages of theory in everything! I had so hoped it was just charms, but know this first year we would learn a handful of mostly useless spells and all the basic theory to go along with all of it.

To get a good idea of my spell books think of the small list of spells that JK put in the first years books in Pottermore ( If you don't there's about one or two pages of spells and descriptions), and then think how many more pages you would need to make that into even a very thin 100 page textbook.

All of that is history of the spell, descriptions of the spell, variations of the spell. Oh my hippogriffs I can't take it!

The magic has lost a lot of luster here.

Cutting out the history and safety tips of the spell it took me 2 to 3 days just to learn a sad little light charm. Mind you I could now make an awesome lightshow… Whoop de do!

Maybe I just wasn't very good at charms? I mean lots of students have a specialty or something right?

Maybe I would be good at transfiguration?

That really just sounds like visualizing, right?

I stared at my match. Green Brisket was watching over my shoulder while she chewed grass.

Visualizing didn't work so well last time, well actually it worked too well, but I can't do too much in a transfiguration right?

Here goes nothing.

I stared at my match, closed my eyes and said the spell…then I opened my eyes and closed them again.

…

Opened them again. I was not thinking about that.

…

Closed them and tried again.

…

Opened my eyes and gave Green Brisket a look as she tried to eat my match, which was now …an apple.

…That's right. An apple…

"Brisket baby I don't think transfiguration is my hidden talent."

Crunch

"You're not supposed to eat transfigured food. That's just going to turn into a match in your stomach."

Hey! That would be an easy way to kill people. Transfigure a bunch of rocks into food and then when someone eats it they'll die! Who checks there food for transfiguration of all things?

Anyways…so there was my magical progress.

Now the bowels went pretty well, I think. It's not like I know if I got a good price for any of them seeing as I don't understand and can't seem to learn the money system. I just it so confused and its annoying and what's wrong with dollars! Or even galleons, that's easy to remember.

So with some money, I found a little crappy things store (pawn shop, gift shop, crap shop, who knows?) and bought the cheapest worse looking stuff that they had.

Then I had Morphin fix it, kinda.

"No. I want you to fix it not make it green."

"No…I want you to make it the way it was not change the wooden box to stone."

"_Father! Just use the repair spell!"_

"…Why did he turn the smiley face into an eye ball Purple Biscotti? Why?"

"…Crock."

"Your right, it does kind of look like Moody's eye."

So that's how that went. Now all of that would be just fine it not for the problems with the eggs. It was easy to steal eggs from the neighbors. It was not easy to keep Morphin from eating the eggs.

No matter where I hid the eggs Morphin always fund them by following the crock of PB. That's right Purple Biscotti is short for PB. Maybe when I hatch my baby snake of Doom I should call it Peanut Butter? Tis a thought.

In order to find a safe place for Purple Biscotti's eggs ( You know when his name is that awesome its more fun to just say the whole thing) I took him deep into the woods, well more like a few mins walk behind some bushes. I had a basket and in it I had picked out three eggs and settled my toad on top. Yes three, maybe Fake Father would not take all of them if there was more then one?

To my relief Purple Biscotti seemed inclined to sleep atop the eggs without much prompting, thank goodness he's nothing like Neville's toad that hoped away all the time.

"Brisket?" I whispered to my horse.

" You must watch over Purple Biscotti, when your not with me that is for he is on a very important mission. And don't chew so loudly he's pregnantish and all."

She gave me a look.

"He's trying to have babies so its close enough."

I swear my horse eye rolled at me. I wonder if being in a magic place is making her well magical and stuff?

Nah, after all that would be helpful.

Without further ado I rode off into town again to sell my wears.

Now I should like to understand a few things. While I had no idea how long it would take to make evil snake babies I was under the impression for some reason that it would be awhile.

I was also expecting only one killer snake. I assumed something or someone would have taken or eaten the eggs in a few days time.

Ah…but you see assuming things turns you into an ass or the saying goes something like that.

Considering all the random and weird and just…stuff that had happened I suppose I should have been as surprised as I was when I got back.

Green Brisket noticed it first as we arrived home, she froze and seemed to be smelling something. Then she began to whinnying and back up.

"What's wrong with you honey?"

She seemed to become more panicked.

"Baby what's wrong." I tied to hold her steady and was maintaining a good grab until I heard _**it**_.

"_Mommy…mommy…mommy"_

"_Toad mommy."_

"_Hungry…food…toad food…"_

"_No, Toad Mommy."_

"_Food."_

"_Mommy, mommy, mommy?"_

"Oh… my… god…" I fell off the horse; hit my head, and then Green Brisket galloped away into the sun set without me.


	12. Mommy Troubles

Mommy troubles.

I suppose you would be pissed if I said and then I woke up at home and realized none of this happened?

Well just think of how pissed off I was when I woke up with a killer headache, surrounded my Snakes and Toads and Hoodlums.

"_Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! Daughter wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! Daughter wake up, wake up,-"_

You see why he has been demoted from my fake daddy, back to hoodlum again?

There was really only thing to do in this situation or rather to say.

"My…heeeeead…..My poor, poor heeeeeead!"

My head hurt and my enter body was sore and I was laying in dirt and-

_-up, wake up, wake up, wake-"_

"SHUT UP!"

Oh dear that really hurt, why did I think screaming was a good idea?

Oh wait…here that? Silence, ahh…

"_Mommy? Is that Mommy?"_

"_Toad Mommy."_

"_Is mommy food?"_

My eyes opened very wide and then I realized how stupid that was so closed them. No I was just being silly they wouldn't have hatched so soon. I opened my eyes and sat up.

Before stood the hoodlum who seemed to decried I fine after I woke up and was now walking away. Out in the distances I could see Green Brisket, the 'bloody' coward. ( I love using the British swears! It just seems so ridiculous to say 'bloody' of all things.)

And in almost in my lap was a snake.

There was also one on my left shoe.

As I felt my hair move I grew very still. No it wasn't on my head, just under the hair near my neck.

…

Don't scream. Don't scream.

"_Mommy?"_

AHHHHH! I scream in my head. Can't do it out loud after all I don't want them to bite me.

"Umm.'

Oh yeah snake speck.

"_Umm… hello?"_ I said hesitantly and then felt my headache throb as they all spoke at once.

"_Mommy, its mommy, hello mommy, hello mommy, look everyone it's mommy."_

"_That's not mommy, can't be mommy, Toads the mommy, go back to toad, want Toad mommy."_

"_Hungry, want food, want food. Thing that talks is too big to eat. Find toad. Eat toad, then find mommy."_

Ok. For a moment let's try and pause the world so I can understand what the Giant Squid is going on.

First, I think Purple Biscotti's eggs have hatched.

Second, for some reason they say mommy instead or mummy. I mean these are British snakes aren't they? What's up with that?

Third, I can't believe my second point was how they say mother.

Forth, Oh my Merlin what am I going to do! This wasn't supposed to happen! I mean not yet I thought it would be for months and now they're three of them and-

"_I like mommy. Mommy's warm. Mommy talk? Mommy talk to us again? Mommy? Mommy my tummy is empty."_

"_Two. Two mommies. Toad mommy and Big Mommy. Mommy is very big. Big mommy has long things like Toad mommy. We don't have those."_

"_WANT FOOD!"_

And what am I going to feed them? Now there's the million dollar question.

Oh and hold on a moment, I have the same things as a Toad? I think it was the one on my foot that said that so it means legs? Huh. You know this wasn't what I was expecting. I mean they're suppose to be evil pets of Doom and well I suppose its not surprising they sound like children they are newborns after all.

I suppose I ought to take charge here.

"_Alright everyone calm down. I am…that is to say…you're the one that got it right both myself and the Toad is your Mommy."_

What else was I going to say? I need them to learn to obey me after all.

"_Now-" _I spoke before they could.

" _I am going to take you back to your other mommy and you will stay there while I find food for you. I want everyone to get on my shoulders and arms."_

I suppose I should describe the…triples…to you.

The most affectionate one that seems ken on being mothered in my lap is a rather poisonous looking bright yellow strangely enough, with what looks like green patches.

This is nothing like I thought a basilisk would look like.

My idea of what they should look like was more close to what the one obsessed with food near my neck looks like. That snake is a dark green with some black or dark brown places. A perfectly normal evil snake color.

Now the on my foot is well…its kind a…I mean…I think…you know it kind of shimmers in the light a bit. It's a dark color. Dark blue, green, purple? Something like that. Kind of like a dark rainbow almost.

Huh. This just gets weirder and weirder. Shouldn't they all be the same color?

Anyway with far too many hisses of 'Mommy' I get them back to there basket and I see that Purple Biscotti is dead.

"_Err who-"_

Wait, wait maybe he was petrified, no need to alarm the little ones. Not that they were that small. I mean I know they grow to be huge, but while they are thin the yellow one seems to be the smallest and that one is wrapped around my arm several times and reaches from my elbow to wrist.

Quite a bit bigger then most baby snakes undoubtedly.

I settled them back into they're basket and picked up Purple Biscotti. Considering how stiff he was I could assume that he had been petrified. However as I looked at my snakes in the basket I realized there was a problem with that. I could see all of their scary looking yellow eyes and you know what? I wasn't dead or petrified.

Maybe because I'm the one that put them under the Toad, or because I'm the first person they saw, or because of their age… Ahh now that makes more sense. It must be harder to petrified something as big as a person.

But how will I look at them when they grow? Oh wait a moment.

"_One thing before I get to all something eat lovelies. Which one of you was looking at Mommy Toad when he fell over?"_

"_That was me Mommy. I wanted Mommy, but Mommy was going away and I wanted Mommy to stay so I looked at Mommy and Mommy stayed."_

"_Ahh, I see. Well for now unless something is hurting you pleased don't look at anything in the eyes. I'll explain better when I get back. I'm just going to get you some food darlings."_

This was going to be a long conversation. I really need to know this about this eye thing. For all I know there eyes will have matured enough in a few hours time. I wonder if Morphin would know anything. I mean he might, isn't huge snakes with killer eyes the kind of thing bedtime stories would be told of in this bizarre family?

So anyway what do snakes eat? Eggs! But they were chicken eggs so wouldn't it be there own kind if they ate chicken eggs? I mean seeing as I could always make more of them using chicken eggs…we are not going there. It will be hard enough to care for three I'm not making an army of evil snakes…right now. Really depends on how well everything turns out, yeah.

So food…mice! I'll just get Morphin to accio me some mice. No problem.

Now what am I going to name them?


	13. Pet names

Sorry this is a short chapter. I no longer have internet at home so its hard to get things done.

Snakes were special pets weren't they? I mean they have a certain reptilian dignity about them and even if I couldn't understand them and they couldn't kill me with a look one day they weren't really the kind of animals I would have named Purple Nacho, Orange Spaghetti O's, and Chartreuse Brownie right? Right.

You know Purple Nacho is a fun sounding kind of name, but I don't think any of my new babies feel like a Purple Nacho.

Hmmm…

Names, names…and not something silly like…, well like some long snake sounding name I can't think of right now.

Isn't it awful in stories when the author gives a super common or uncommon cool name? I mean yeah Raven, Star, Ebony and heck even Jade are all pretty names, but used way too often in books and fanfics alike. Yes I know my name is Jade, but I'm not in a story now am I? So I can be named whatever the Gandalf I want, err, my parents wanted.

Anyways, I should give them completely normal names, like…Norman.

Perfect. Nothing short and common and nothing long with special meanings that you know the author just looked up on Google.

The darkish, shiniest, weirdest snake that I think is male shall be named Norman. Hmm, you know I like the sound it makes when I say Google.

I should name my yellow one Google. No one, but me will know what it means and it's a unisex name which is good, because for the life of me I have no idea the sex of that snake.

Now for the mean one that looks like an evil snake should and wants to bite and eat everything. I think that one sounds like a girl. Kind of reminds me of…oh, but I shouldn't…, but I am… I shall name her Bellatrix! The ultimate evil name! And Bellatrix isn't even born yet so I won't get mixed up at all and that another little joke I'll have about the names no one else knows! Ha! Ha!

Great I have Norman, Google, and Bellatrix. Excellent and now they need to eat.

Maybe I could try the spell? I mean yeah it's advanced, but if I visualize it and overpower it I should get really good results right? Right.

"ACCIO MOUSE!"

"…."

Well that didn't work. I suppose it's a good thing too otherwise I would have been hit with a bunch of mice.

…I spoke too soon.

The girly squeal that followed didn't really happen so we won't mention it.

You know maybe charms are my specialty. I mean that was a 4th year's spell, I really shouldn't have been able to do it at all. Of course it seems that control will be my greatest weakness.

On the plus side I can now feed my new children!

On the minus…I was just covered in mice. Squirmy, wiggly, rodents all over me…AHHH!

They were in my hair and clothes and oh god I hate mice!

Deep breath, deep breath. Well now that I scared myself for life…I was so pleased I wasn't afraid of any animals. I mean snakes and even spiders have never been a problem for me and now I can see facing a Demeter and having it turn into a huge mouse. How lame is that?

Well it's not mice themselves its just them touching me, because of bloody Merlin they were everywhere!

Alright so let's just get Morphine to give me a box and gather some mice for me so I'm not further traumatized. Oh yeah, but first!

"Hey…dad…so…like I was just thinking… about…oh nothing really and I sort of… starting wondering about snakes, you know ones that kill people…with their eyes…."

Never let it be said that my fake father figure is not incredibly thick and extremely crazy.

I guess I got my answers. Of course this was after I had to listen to the top 3 most gruesome snake stories ever and most of it…

"_HEEEHAHAHEE! And the Snaky killed it! KILLED IT! With the shinny killing eyes!"_

Most of it was a mix of disturbing and being incomprehensible.

Apparently evil snakes of old lived in swamp-like places where they killed large creatures and ate them. According to Morphine the spine of there prey was especially delicious, or maybe he said the spleen. It's hard to tell with all the laughing and hissing going on.

He did say that Basilisks took years to mature before they could even petrify someone. He was very certain about this as this was apparently the reason his father had never hatched any. This would be great information if Purple Biscotti was not stiff, cold, and not dead.

I mean what the hell! I have a prodigal snake apparently. This is not good. I don't want to die or be petrified.

There has to be someway to control my babies' right? Or something to protect me from their evil powers.

Oh great…I will be spending so much time in the freckling library at school.

Specking of school somehow I am to smuggle 3 snakes in with me, I have no clue where I'm going to be sorted, I also do not know what age my evil cousin is. This could be problematic.


	14. Heading to Diagon, again

Hey everyone! Last time I made a short chapter that I wasn't so trilled with because besides the naming nothing really happened so I've written another chapter and the next one should be very amuseing.

Heading to Diagon, again

My children were feed and continued to have food, Biscotti did not wake up, and I oh too soon I realized the day I was going to meet up with Graeme had approached. Of course there were a few problems.

First of all my snakes had grown attached to me and I mean that in the literally sense. Goggle had an obsession with being held and petted and would wrap herself around my arm, or stay in my lap _all the time_. When she's big enough I wouldn't be surprised if she wrapped herself and around my waist and insisted that she stay there forever. Oh I had learned that Google was a girl by the way.

Now you would think that Google was just a freak of nature and that the other snakes would act like snakes and want to go off on there own and be all cold blooded and stuff, but no they were just as bad.

Bellatrix found my neck, shoulders, and head to be an ideal perch from which to hunt. She enjoyed going as high as she could go and then jumping unto her prey. Yes jumping…How the heck does a snake jump?! I don't know, but she succeeded.

Of course she usually jumped at Green Brisket and landed on her so my horse being a normal horse with horse instincts realized there was a predator on her back and went bat-crap crazy. Then I had to catch my horse and snake. Why can't I have a normal life? Why?

Specking of normal or rather Norman…well Norman was the only boy and Bellatrix picked on him often which, made him sulk and when he sulked he went to his favorite comfort spot, my left shoe…

I should like to point out that when he was pleased he went to my right shoe. In fact while he was fairly interested in exploring he seemed to prefer riding on my feet or legs and beg me to walk around so he could explore.

To be truthful Norman was a little obsessed with things like feet and legs and arms and everything that he didn't have. I think he would compete with Google for my arms if not for that fact that being there would put him in the position of being pounced upon by Bellatrix.

So I was sitting in the dirt with my snakes all over me, trying to think of how to word things. We had just had an eventful breakfast where I lost my appetite because Bellatrix had brought me a squirrel still alive and when I assured her I didn't want it she ate it whole and while it was still alive…Ewww!

Ok they don't deserve sweet words so I might as well say it.

"_I need to leave you here today so I can bring Mommy Toad back to life_." I was hopeful that I had enough money to get Purple Biscotti fixed, not so hopeful I could also afford an owl, but you know, who knows how much money I have with all the bits of paper and coin I had gotten for the bowels and other things I had sold this week? I might have tons of money and be able to buy lots of cool things. If I was permitted to do my shopping without my children, that is.

"_NOOOOOO! Mommy can not leave me!"_ Holy Cricket, Goggle has a loud voice! (Ha! I got to say Holy Cricket. I'm just so pleased!)

"_But it's for Mommy T-"_

"_Never!"_ Hissed Bellatrix, angrily as she wrapped herself around my neck. Tightly.

"_Argh!_" This was it death by snake and not from then talking my ears off either.

"_LET GO OF MOMMY!" _Goggle shouted extremely loudly as she slithered up my arm to where she was in striking distance of Bellatrix. And of course striking would mean that her teeth would be aimed at my neck…so not fun.

During all of this Norman fretted. He twisted one way and then another while trying to raise his head high enough to see the commotion from his position on my knee.

I was saved by an unlikely source.

"_HISSY,HISSY, little snakey's slither on the floor!"_

My children had learned at least one thing quickly and they moved extremely fast into my lap where they huddled there while Morphin finished his demented rhyme.

"_You be good to Morphine's daughter or he'll nail you the door!"_

Am I the only one that can imagine him saying that last part to anyone I wanted to date? I will be doomed to die alone because of him.

I say from force of habit more then anything else as I rub my poor neck.

"_There will be no nailing of your grandchildren."_

My fake father was a god/Merlin-send. (I really wished I understood those kinds of things better.)

Anyways if there was anyone that could get my babies in line it was Morphin, most likely because he scarred them all for life having then watch as he nailed snakes unto the door.

I always tried to stress the fact they were his grandchildren in the hopes that it would give him pause if he deiced to kill one of them.

However it looked like today he was in one of those snake nailing moods, this was not good for my leaving him to watch the kid's idea.

"Hey Dad can I get you to drop me off at Diagon ally and come back for me in a few hours?" Maybe I could hide them somewhere so they would be safe?

Morphin seemed to be thinking very hard.

"_Ally…Ally…Diagon…ALLY. Outing! Father daughter outing!"_

Oh no…

"No, no, no, no! I just need you to drop me off!"

"_Outing!"_

He seemed way too excited about this.

I felt it was a good idea to stand up, gather my children close to my chest and back away.

Of course Morphin seemed to take my backing away to mean he needed to follow me.

So I was backing, he was chasing, and my babies were being strangely good and quite so as not to distract me from getting us away from the crazy man.

Then I backed into Green Brisket who had been grazing as she waited for us to go on our trip.

Of course once you back into a horse there's no way to keep going back.

Brisket and I exchange a 'whoa I didn't know you were there!' look and while we were suitably distracted Morphin lunged and grabbed hold of my arm in a punishing grip.

"_Father/Daughter outing!"_

And with that cheerful battle cry, we were off. All of us. Me, my 3 snakes, my stiff toad, my horse, and my fake daddy on our first family outing. Oh dear.


	15. The Outing of Doom! Part 1

Hello everyone. I had this chapter for awhile, but alot of things happen in it and I wasn't sure if I really wanted the story to go in this direction. I have learned its a good idea to at least have an idea of what do for the next chapter before you post the one you just finished, luckily I did get a good idea of what to do with the next chapter. If you think things are moving to fast in this one just bare with me for I actually have a plan!

The Outing of Doom!

Part 1: The Morning of the Locket

Have you ever been in a situation where someone hands you a stick of dynamite with the fuse lit? Or maybe someone striped you of all your clothes and sticks you behind this a big group of people looking the other way?

No? Well in both situations you know you're at the moment right before something very bad happens. All you can think of is throwing that dynamite or covering yourself, very, very quickly.

What happened next was kind of like that. I had just been forced into a very bad situation and my only thought was how to save anything I could, like for example my snakes.

"_Get into my clothes right now! Don't let anyone see you!" _If anyone saw them and recognized them we were doomed. Doomed I tell you! After all they very dangerous creatures that might be killed and it just might be illegal to make them I'm not sure.

I should like to point out that I do not have my hair brushed and that I am wearing the same jeans I came with and a man's shirt. First of all I was so not planning on leaving this second, thus the unbrushed hair. Second of all I despised the popular fashion for women in this age so had acquired some boy's clothes and my jeans were so much more comfortable them the trousers they wore here I just cleaned them often.

Anyways I was not dressed for a damnable outing. I was lucky that I had my things gathered on Green Brisket. I had been planning to leave in like an hour or so and had already loaded her up with my cloak, money, and frozen toad.

As I felt my babies begin to slither into my clothes, some of them in places I would rather they not slither, I grabbed my cloak and threw it over my unusual attire.

I turned furiously to my fake Daddy to give him a piece of my mind and then I realized where we were.

It wasn't the Leaky Cauldron thank goodness or we would have been started at. No, if I recognized that store over there we weren't anywhere near the Leaky Cauldron.

Oh no, just oh no, no, no… I see the hoodlum ( That's right he gets demoted again for this!) going into a store, but not just any store! No he couldn't just wonder into a bookstore, or an ice-cream shop! He was going into the evil shop in the evil ally where his sister's necklace was on display.

You know the priceless family heirloom…and he was going there and was going to see it…Oh no and oh dear while I'm at it.

A rather stressful hour later found me shell shocked, staring blankly at a Goblin, as I tired to exchange muggle money for wizard money. Of course the Goblin was being difficult, but I didn't really care about that right now. I didn't even care that I was having to interact with the evil Goblin. You see I was more concerned with the locket around my neck and the fact that I came very close to death (As in it missed me by a freaking inch!), and the fact that my fake father so should have been carted off to prison by now, but he hadn't.

Oh, and my horse and father were outside the bank and who knew if either of them were still alive, and I was going to be late to meet up with Graeme, and Bellatrix kept trying to escape, and Goggle wouldn't shut up, and my hair still looked like crap, and, and, and, everything!

I'm slowly losing my shock and going into hysterics at least in my head.

Breath, just breath…Don't think about your father's huge fit in a store full of dangerous breakable things. Don't think about how he shot so many curses at the shop keeper I lost count and how I didn't recognize any of them.

It was hard to forget when the guy started fighting back and he missed Morphin, but almost hit me with several spells that I am pretty sure were deadly.

It was impossible to not think of how Morphin finally hit the guy with something that made the guy scream in a very high pitch, which was kind of funny, but Morphin was advancing on him and looking pretty murderous so most of the humor in the situation was gone.

"_Mommy you smell funny down here."_

"_Get out of there!"_

Only most of the humor because looking back Goggles comment did lighten things up just a little.

But then Morphin was pointing his wand at the man's head and saying the holy firkin, fudging killing curse and I almost died.

Well the shop keeper almost died too, but I to my horror am apparently a Gryffindor and deiced to do something very stupid and brave and stupid and did I mention how stupid I was?

I should also like to point out that wizards seriously need to know how to protect their wands from things like little girls that can grab them or nock them off course.

In this case I slammed myself into Morphine's arm and the killing curse flew out in some

random direction.

I really thought fake Daddy was going to hit me he looked so mad, but it seemed I knew the magic words.

"_Are you nuts? You're going to go to Azkaban if you kill him!"_

"_Azkaban…"_

That word seemed to bring the very small amount of sanity he had back into mind and he looked quite a bit less like he was going to kill people.

I then turned my attention to damage control and I'm not even sure how at this point I got the guy to both not call the magical police and give over that necklace, but apparently I do.

I think it has something to do with me saving his life.

"Sorry about that. You see he's pretty pissed off to find our family heirloom that should be with his sister in your shop. In fact he seems to be under the impression that you must have swindled her or more likely stole it. Terribly sorry about all this, but seeing as I did save your life I'm sure we can forget all about this…"

And it might have something to do with Morphin managing to ask in English if he could remove the man's …well…the thing that makes him a man and the fact that I almost agreed to that.

"Well I suppose that is better then killing him and he did steel or swindle from my Aunt. You understand don't you sir? We just can't let an insult against our Ancient and Noble family go unpunished."

I thought saying Ancient and Noble was a nice touch.

Somehow the injured man managed to give us the locket and get us out of the store with great speed.

Morphin seemed pleased and with great ceremony bestowed upon me the locket. That's when I realized I was missing Bellatrix and had to go back into the store to get her.

It seemed the already traumatized store keeper was afraid of snakes and using my brilliance I managed to get a signed piece of paper saying we didn't steel anything and were not reasonable for any damage.

I think the shell shocked reaction was when I realized that things had actually gone really well. Like I threw the dynamite and not only did I not die, but the explosion uncovered a lost family heirloom.

I think and this is very terrifying, but I think I was experiencing Harry Potter luck. Weirdest situations ever and you somehow get out of them.

I now have so much sympathy for poor Harry.

Anyways there I was after finally getting a few galleons from the damn Goblins, stepping out of Gringotts realizing with a sinking feeling that I couldn't see my horse or fake father, and that I couldn't feel Bellatrix on me so she was gone again, and I was so late for meeting Graeme, and last, but not least Google just wouldn't shut up.

"_I smelled something weird mommy, not you mommy even though mommy smells weird, but I peeked out of your sleeves and there was weird things that I never seen before and they smelled weird."_

Then things got worse.

"Where did you get that?"

"What?" Someone I had never seen before had grabbed my arm rather hard and had demanded to know where I had gotten something.

"Oh I'm sorry I was just wondering where you got that lovely necklace."

The boy was young, but older then me, he was pretty good looking, and after his initial out burst was all charm.

I was going to guess that this was Tom Riddle, however after the day I had I could only think of one answer for his question.

"You so don't want to know. I don't even want to know. I wish I didn't know. I wish I had stayed home." I informed the boy who might not be my evil cousin solemnly. There was no reason to jump to conclusions after all.

"_Can I come out now?" _Goggle had the nerve to sound exasperated.

"_I want to go out too or at least put my head out." _Norman agreed with her.

"_No you can't, now tell me where your sister went." _This was going to be a loooong day.


	16. Part 2!

The Outing of Doom

Part 2: Noontime with Riddle

I tried to ignore the fact that I just spoke parseltongue in front of what may be a stranger, but knowing my luck is really my psychopath cousin. Amazingly enough this isn't so hard when Norman informs me Bellatrix stayed behind in the place where those weird smelling creatures were apparently she wants to _taste_ them.

Now I was going to run to the Leaky Cauldron to grab Graeme and then have him help me track down my runaway pets and father, but all things considering I deiced the best thing to do is groan in agony and then run back into the Goblin invested building.

I did give the maybe Tom/maybe not Tom a few last parting words.

"I need to go and save my s-pet before she eat- I mean scares the Goblins-I mean the Goblin's customers. Yeah..." I blink and make a mental note that I really need to practice my lying.

"Bye." I run off to the bank very fast, you know I may just have put future Voldemort into shock. I don't think he was expecting to find someone with his mother's necklace or someone else that specks the snake language.

I really wonder how old he is. I mean he didn't look much older then me, but surly it took him awhile to find out about the necklace. I had always thought he found it when he was like in 5th or 6th year, but he couldn't have been older then 14 and that would have been pushing it. Maybe he was just really short before he did weird things in rituals to himself? Who knows and considering I need to go save Goblins right now who cares?

Wait! Wait, wait, wait…save Goblins…wasn't that what got me into this mess? No I'm going to save my snake from the Goblins. For they are evil and mean and…and not doing anything.

I had excepted to enter a room full of chaos. Maybe the Goblins would be chasing the deadly snake with swords and axes and stuff or maybe they were be just as afraid of snakes as the shopkeeper guy was or maybe Bellatrix would be chasing the people around while the unfeeling evil Goblins of doom watched the snake kill the people for entertainment while they ate popcorn.

But, no there was no chaos this time. The Goblins were doing paper work and the wizards were waiting in line. Strangely this made me even more concerned then I was before.

"Excuse me." I turn to stare at my new stalker. It seems he got out of shock and decided to follow me.

"If you don't mind I really do think we should take the time to converse. You see I-"

I hold up a finger.

"I'm really, really sorry, but I'm having a crisis on top of a crisis today and I have to find my-"

"AHHHHH!" That's what I was expecting.

Lucky the women freaking out wasn't too far from us and I was able to literally dive on top of my wayward snake.

The women was not only screaming she seemed to be trying and failing to get out her wand from her pocket, while the man with her looked very confused and concerned as apparently he had yet to see my evil little child.

"_I want to taste it, to taste it! Just one little bite!"_

"_What is wrong with you!"_ I hiss quickly and angrily and I gather the unhappy and in hunter mood snake close to me as I high tail it out of there.

As I make my escape I see a Goblin who was watching the women freak out roll his eyes. Such evil creatures.

"_You are grounded, so grounded, your grounded for the rest of your bloody life you-"_

"That's a basilisk." Stated the stalker who had of course followed me.

"No, no it's not."

"_Yes, I am."_ I don't know if Bellatrix thought she was being funny or was trying to punish me for taking her away from her hunt.

"See?" I hold her up to his face in a quick movement.

"No dieing, not a basilisk."

"_But you will be a snake skin purse if you don't be silent."_

"_That's a basilisk." _Tommy boy decides to prove that he is Tommy boy by specking in the, oh so rare snake speck.

I blink at him and search my mind for something to say or some way to react. I blame my terrible day for my reaction.

"Cousin!" I shout with enthusiasm and joy then I hug him snake in hand and speck as quickly as I possibly can.

"Oh wow I had no idea I had more family, it's so nice to meet you, but I'm running super late right now, I have to find my other pets, and my father's somewhere, and things have been going really bad lately. We can get together at Hogwarts ok? I really don't have time right now. So sorry! Goodbye!"

Then I ran again, because oh my god I just hugged Voldemort! I'm goanna die!

Tom Riddle's point of view

Tom was different from the filth he was forced to live with, unlike them he had magic! He was a wizard and after completing two years at Hogwarts he was quite certain of his superiority to both the muggles and most if not all other wizards as well.

He had of course already picked up his school supplies for his third year, but having nothing better to do he spent most of his days each summer wondering the wizarding streets.

Tom had done as much research as he could in the school about his family and had been lead to many frustrating dead ends. He knew he had to have some kind of connection to Salazar Slytherin otherwise he wouldn't be able to speak parseltongue but he had yet to make any kind if connection between Tom Riddle Sir. and anyone known to be related to Slytherin. He had in fact failed to find any mention of any wizards with the name Riddle. That was very discouraging.

His wonderings in the wizarding world had led him to discovering a little shop in Knockturn ally that was filled with dark and fascinating things. In this shop he had seen a locket that's place card claimed was The Locket of Salazar Slytherin. There had been instant want followed by extreme bitterness at his finical situation, which was being dirt poor.

Tom had found a good bit of information on the 'Lost' Locket. It had an intriguing history and no one knew where it had been for the last several centuries. The story the shopkeeper was going with was that a poor young girl had sold it to him, but few people thought that was the whole story if there was even a shred of truth to it in the first place of course the shopkeeper refuse to say how much it had cost him to buy it.

Assuming the locket was the real thing he planed to acquire the item sometime after his last year at Hogwarts, thus it was quite the shock to see that very locket around the neck of a young girl, younger then him, but still Hogwarts age. Tom prided himself on his excellent memory so classified the girl as being one of the up and coming first years either this year or the next.

He would admit to himself if no one else, that that he reacted at first without thinking.

"Where did you get that?" The girl was walking by him and only thinking to delay her he grabbed her arm, rather harshly at that. This was of course a stupid thing to do. She didn't look like a wealthy pureblood, but obviously had contacts with some at the very least if she was wearing that necklace.

Purebloods especially the richer ones in Slytherin were not accustomed to being assaulted by strangers and would have taken his action as a definite offence.

"What?" She looked more bewildered then angry which he supposed was a good thing even if he was now certain she was not in the same social circles as most of his housemates.

For one thing she was showing her surprise far too much to have lived in a strict pureblood life style; however the biggest clue of course was her dark and complexly untamed hair. People of good standing did not leave their room without being completely presentable, which made perfect sense to Tom who tried to make up for his second-hand robes by being as well put together as he could be. Not that _some_ people didn't take things too far. His thoughts briefly turned to Abraxas Malfoy who as political powerful as he might one day be, spent a wholly ridicules amount of time in front a mirror.

"Oh I'm sorry I was just wondering where you got that lovely necklace." Luckily the girl was female and they were never very hard to charm, with the right amount of flattery that is. Mind you most people male or female, young or old weren't very hard for him to butter up and have thinking he was just the most wonderful young man. Most humans were so completely predictable it was too easy at times.

"You so don't want to know." She seemed more dazed then charmed and Tom was fairly sure that he was not the one responsible for her out of it tone.

"I don't even want to know." Tom blinked. Apparently the how of the necklace coming unto her possession was trauma inducing?

"I wish I didn't know. I wish I had stayed home." That or she was just being overly dramatic. Deciding she was suffering from both being a perfect normal boring individual (As boring as someone with magic can be which, was surprisingly a lot.) coupled with typical female hysterics he opened his mouth to take on the same tones he usually used with the more important girls that wished to converse with him which actually meant they just wanted him to pretend to listen and care about whatever horrible thing had happened to them. 'Oh the horror of having enough food that you gained a bloody stone, those insurable hags.'

Tom by now was so used to the disappointment of anything interesting happening in any social situation, that he went so far as to make the prediction that somehow whatever the girl's problem was it had to do with why her hair was messed up or maybe the only problem was that her hair was messed up and instead of finding a comb like someone with common sense she had ran out to find someone who could spell her hair right for her. (Amazingly enough he had witnessed a 1st year girl doing just that last year.) Tom was surrounded by imbeciles.

But then the world changed! Some divine being took mercy on poor Tom, who had to deal with idiots coupled with boredom! Something different, new, unexpected, and why complexly unprecedented happened!

"_Can I come out now?" _He heard a voice and it was not human!

"_I want to go out too or at least put my head out." _Two voices and Tom recognized them as being serpents, but strangely enough they appeared to be coming from…the girl? No…in the girl's…clothes.

"_No you can't, now tell me where your sister went."_

Tom's normally brilliant and remarkably fast mind slowed to a crawl as he processed the unexpected fact trussed upon him.

She spoke…to the snakes…in parseltongue…to the invisible snakes in parseltongue. Invisible or in hiding snakes…in parseltongue. In parseltongue…to the snakes…as in she spoke to them…in parseltongue.

Needless to say it took a moment to get his head around it.

Note

Tommy-boy is a primadonna and decided to take up alot of the chapter. Just so you all know I did the best I could with Tom, but I have no beta or anyone to brainstorm ideas with so this is what I got. I do want to explain a bit that while Tom is evilish I have made the root of all evil or at least his evil boredom. You see its hard not to have a superiority complex when your so much smarter then everyone else and he's not the type to be amused with illogical games like most children. He's smart and bored and 'better' then everyone accept for Dumbles so of course he becomes evil. This is my reasoning and I'm sticking to it.

Oh and it took a long time to write Tom's point of view because god does that boy have a vocabulary. Please let me know what everyone thought of Tom and his reactions to everything.


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Harry Potter, Humor