Pokémon 1. Just Another Day

(**Hello, this is Mike. This is my test subject for uploading stuff on FanFiction, but that does not mean I won't add to this story. Don't know how often chapters will be added, but if you plan to read this, rest assured, when I'm not doing anything urgent, like work or some other junk, I will be working on this. I solemnly swear! Also, Pokémon and its affiliates don't belong to me. Only Mike, his insanity/stupidity, and some other OCs do. Enjoy.**)

Sandgem Town, a small place where children of the Sinnoh region begin their days as Trainers. Though most of them are teenagers, they are children, nonetheless. It is through this phase that they learn to be self-reliant, among other things. This place is also where I live.

My name is Michael Hogrelius, but I prefer Mike. I used to be a Trainer myself, emphasis on "used to." I couldn't stand the fighting anymore, so after Barry and I stopped Cyrus and Team Galactic, I quit. That was four years ago, and since then, I've been working at a local office as a custodian, complete with jumpsuit.

"Mike~"

"What now, woman?!"

_Ugh, why does she pester me? That infuriating, green-haired officer!_

"So grumpy today!"

"What do you want?"

We were standing by my closet, me, her and a black officer.

"Mike, this is Davis, the new recruit and my new partner. Davis, this is the man," Jenny said.

Davis flashed a dazzling smile.

_Dammit, not only is he handsome and fit, he's got great teeth! Wait a minute, why do I care?!_

"Nice to meet you, man," he said, extending his hand. "Heard a lot about you."

I looked him in the eye and said, "Bad idea, pal. I survived Disaster Doyer, yet again."

Jenny groaned.

"Uh, what?" Davis asked.

"Doyer, redhead dude, talks funny? There's something wrong with him, because every time he comes out of the bathroom, it looks like a war-zone," I told him.

"War-zone?"

"Yeah, because of the blood."

Next thing I knew, he high-tailed to the bathroom. Hope Doyer wasn't in there.

"He seems nice," I casually commented.

"Did you have to say `blood'?!" she yelled.

"I could have said `hemoglobin,' but you'd be surprised how many people think that's some variation of a goblin."

She stared at me, practically fuming.

"You really can't be mad at me for not knowing how squeamish he is."

"Watch me," she growled, walking away.

"Alright, I'm sorry I made your boyfriend throw up!"

As soon as she stopped, I knew I was in danger.

"Dagnabbit, Mike," I muttered under my breath. About fifteen minutes later, she and I were having our ears yelled off by Commissioner Poss.

"Firing your gun inside the precinct, what the hell were you thinking?!" he yelled, his face vivid-red.

"Sir, if I may—," Jenny started.

"Stow it, you!" He glared at me. "You know, ever since _you_ came here—"

"Crime rates have gone up? Morals and ethics out the window? Your life has become a living hell?" I suggested.

"No," he said, looking a little stunned.

"I got nothing, then," I sighed.

"Ever since you came here, you've been driving everyone insane!"

"Believe me, that hasn't stopped her from talking to me, sir. Especially after the enchilada."

"What enchilada?"

"You don't wanna know," Jenny and me said at the same time.

"Look, so Jen shot at me. She ain't the first officer to do that."

"Who was first?" he asked.

"Doyer," I answered.

"Excuse me for a moment."

He stepped out of the office, and once he did, I let out a big breath of relief.

"Was that true, what you told him?"

"Yes and no: he nailed me with a water gun when I wasn't looking, and let's just say I gave `rectum' a whole new meaning, with a nearby oar," I explained. "Come to think of it, that's probably why the bathroom is the way it is."

She giggled, which kind of scared me. "You're insane."

"And yet, for some very evasive reason, we're friends."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm out," she said, zooming out of the room.

"Wait for meee!"

* * *

"Ooh, this looks cute!"

Despite the fact that she's on-duty, Officer Jenny has the time to shop for clothes. Why can't she be more like Veilstone Jenny, who's always vigilant?

"Remind me why I'm here?" I asked.

With the popularity of Kalos clothing, Boutiques have popped up all over the regions, even in places like this. Usually, I'm not into fashion, but I have to admit, some of the outfits are badass.

"I don't know. Maybe you're in love in me, and you just don't know it yet," she said with a wink.

"I highly doubt that," I replied dryly.

She stopped looking at the miniskirt she saw. "Really, what's up with you?"

"Gee, let me think," I said in a high-pitched voice. "Maybe it has something to do with the rampant Nidoking in Floaroma Town!"

"Your point?"

"Are you not the least bit concerned about the fact he has not been apprehended?!"

"It's just a Pokémon."

"A Pokémon that raped five men and women!"

"Because its Trainer ordered it to."

_Wow. This person, my friend (sort of), of all people, believes Pokémon to be nothing more than mindless creatures._

"How can you say that?"

"I don't really have the luxury to think of them as people, when I'm in the field."

"Oh, right," I murmured, looking down.

"… Maybe if we had a Psychic."

I shook my head. "Jacques is my only one, and I doubt he'll help. I'll ask, anyway."

Jenny smiled. "Knew I could count on you, Mike."

"Don't get your hopes up," I warned her.

I turned and left the shop, heading for home.

_Figure I have some time. First off, I'm Mike, a twenty-two year-old American. I weigh two-eighty, but look two-thirty. I'm six feet tall, with brown, shaggy hair and eyes. When I'm not wearing this jumpsuit, I wear an oversized bright-orange dress shirt, unbuttoned over a faded orange A-shirt, baggy stony-gray cargo shorts (because I love shorts!), and sneakers the color of ash. Also, I wear these stellar goggles in lieu of glasses._

_ Second, yes, I said American. Kanto, Johto and all of them exist, but only in Japan. (Go figure.) However, _**this**_ Japan is in another universe. I'm sure you can fill in the rest._

_ Anyway, third. For the pervs out there, Poképhilia is legal just about everywhere. If it wasn't, the WPL (World Pokémon League) would be in deep shit, considering most of them are Poképhiles. Am I one of _**them**_? No. I happen to be one of the few waiting for my soulmate. Truthfully, it doesn't matter to me who it is, though I prefer them to be female. Doesn't mean I'm not into that stuff. Hell, I love Beastmen. (What I call furries.)_

_ All right, class dismissed!_

It only took a half-hour to reach my house, since the Boutique is halfway between here and the police station, where I work, if you hadn't already figured that out.

My house is very different from the rest of the neighborhood. Whereas most of them are one-story high, it's triple their size, and had an old Victorian feel to it. Cheaper, too, due to this `curse' it has. No idea what it is, but I can handle it: I have magic charms from my earlier travels. This place is in good shape, and plenty of room for friends and strangers alike.

I stepped onto the deck and stopped at the door. Reaching into my shirt pocket, I pulled out a Pecha Berry and ate it in one bite.

"I'm home!" I called, going inside.

I was greeted with a yawn coming from my right. An Infernape was stirring on my couch. Don't worry; my furniture's fire-retardant.

"Hey, Kong."

The fiery monkey yawned again. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Almost seven."

Kong shot up onto his feet. "What?!"

I chuckled. "Kidding. It's a quarter to four." I shut the door.

He sighed. "Please don't do that."

"Sorry. Did you find out the problem with the truck?"

He stretched his legs. "Muffler had a hole in the pipe connected to it, but I patched that up. Probably gonna need a new carburetor, though."

"`Kay. You feeling alright? I haven't seen you nap in a while."

He reached up to the ceiling, then let his arms flop down. "Yeah, Luke upped his training a couple notches today, so it was tough. What doesn't kill you, right?"

"Right," I responded, looking in different directions.

_Where is she? She's always the first one I see when I come home._

"She's in the basement with Luke and the others, in case you were wondering."

"Thank you. Dinner will be up in a couple hours, so you can go back to your nap if you want."

"Nah, I'm good. I'll follow you."

We walked down the hall from the living room, towards the basement.

_Kong, my very first Pokémon. He's only a few inches shorter than me and easily one of the strongest of my crew, second only to Boss, when it comes to pure power. As a Monferno, his Rock Smash once cracked a Golem's shell, although he had to be rushed to the nearest Center shortly afterwards. Oddly enough, he knows some mechanical stuff, too, courtesy of one of the Professor's assistants. Pretty calm for a Fire-type, too._

Before we reached the bottom, I heard the roar of a crowd.

_What the-?!_

The basement is outfitted with workout equipment, with Pokémon in mind. In the center, where a **lot **of people were, is your standard ring. In it, a Lucario and a Hitmontop were having a battle. The jackal had no marks on him, aside from an old scar on his left side, while his opponent appeared to be winded.

"C'mon, Ace!" I heard a woman shout. "Show that mutt what you're made of!"

_Did she just call Luke a mutt?_

Yes, the Lucario's name is Luke. Believe me, not my first choice. It was the only thing he would respond to as a pup, that stubborn son of mine.

Ace flipped onto the point on his head and slowly rotated, picking up speed in a matter of seconds, before rushing Luke. Luke halted the Rapid Spin attack using his leg, countering by means of his Aura manipulation into the form of a mallet. One swing, and Ace was ringed out. When it was over and everyone left, I stepped into the ring, while Luke wiped his brow with a rag.

He noticed me. "Welcome home, Dad."

"Y'know, when you said you were having a few friends over—"

"Sorry about that. When I asked around for sparring partners, I didn't think there'd be so many people showing up."

I patted him on the head. "Don't worry about it," I assured him. "You haven't seen Heart down here, have you?"

He shook his head. "Mm-mm. Rai might know."

"OK, where is he?"

"Last time I saw him, he was in your room."

"Oy, alright, thanks." I turned to leave. "Don't forget, I'm here if you need anything."

He smiled. "I know, Dad."

_Luke, my son. I received him as an Egg from Riley, and I must've taken good care of him, since he's Kong's size. His ability to fight is incredible, especially now, with his Aura. He helped me to win the Mine Badge, by beating Bastiodon as a Riolu. Good kid, but he could stand to take it easy on that training of his._

I reached my room, but the door was shut. I tried to open it, even though I figured it would be locked. It was.

I knocked on the door. "Rai, you in there?"

"One second!" Scurrying could be heard inside, then the sliding of a lock.

A Raichu opened the door. "Yo, what's up, Captain?" he asked in a somewhat squeaky voice.

I passed the threshold, and surveyed my surroundings. I checked the closet, under the bed, but didn't find a thing out of place.

"Something wrong, Mike?"

I looked at him. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"The girl you were having sex with!"

"There's no girl in here."

I groaned. "Whatever, have you seen Heart?"

"Nope. Did you look upstairs?"

"Not yet," I admitted.

Before resuming my search, I told him, "FYI, the safe's a great hiding place, if you want to suffocate."

He cringed.

_Can't hide anything from me, small fry._

_ Rai, short for Raikiri, is my best friend, in spite of the fact he's a man-whore and he pisses me off. That, and he's shady. Regardless, I know he's a good guy. He's definitely the fastest guy I know, and I've seen some speedsters in my day. He also has mustard-colored fur, whereas other Raichu are a dark orange._

Pulling down the steps for the attic, I figured I'd talk to Boss while I'm on a wild goose chase. To be honest, I am getting a little worried. Just my nerves.

It was dark, and it didn't help that the light switch seems to move whenever I come up here, which is more than I care to divulge.

"Oof!" I can never remember what's where. Should sell some of this stuff, or bust out my Eradicator. "Oy! Frack! Motherchucker!" Guess what caused this noise. "Oo-o-o-o-o-o-o-oh!" If you said, table to the scrotum, you get a gold star!

Suddenly, everything got really bright.

"AAAAAAAAAH, MY EYES! I CAN'T SEE!" I screamed, shutting my peepers and shielding them from further harm with my hands.

"Like you could see before," a sassy voice insulted.

I lowered my hands. "Good to see you, too… or not."

Even with all the spots I'm seeing, I could tell Heart hasn't been up here.

Well, best to cover all the bases.

"Have you seen Heart? `Cause I'm still blind," I said.

"No. You better have some treasure, if you want your junk to stay intact,"

I rummaged through my pockets, pulling out a silver coin and held it out in front. "Will this do?"

She plucked it out of my hand, then put it in her treasure chest. "Just barely, mind you."

"Understood." I strolled to the far side of the room and opened the shutters on the window. "Dinner's at six. Later!"

_Boss, my eye-in-the-sky. There's a slight chance I spoiled her when I bought her some jewelry. Don't get me wrong: she deserved it, for her hard work. Then again, she is a Honchkrow. They just _**love**_ their bling._

I jumped out the window.

"Wheee!" Luckily, I ordered a bale of hay for such a thing. Safely landing on it, I laughed. "Ya-cha-cha-cha, I gotta do that more often!"

Hopping out of the mound, I took small strides to the beach, where I saw an East Gastrodon, watching the waves. The salt water softly lapped at the sand and the sea slug's tiny feet. I stood by its side, looking out to sea.

"Hello, Slugga."

No response.

"Still not talking, huh? Don't suppose you could point me in the right direction?"

The wind picked up, bringing the scent of the ocean with it.

"Oh dear," a harmonious voice rung.

_Huh?_

I peered over my shoulder and saw a Roserade tending to a garden in the backyard. I smacked myself in the face.

"You went right past her, you idiot," I scolded myself. "…No, that should've been the first place I looked."

_Dagnabbit, plot, you're persistent in messing with me!_

"Thank you, Slugga." I went back to the house.

_Slugga, eternal silence. She hasn't said one word, in the time we've known her. However, we have come to understand her, without vocal communication. I couldn't explain how, even if I try._

"There you are, Heart."

When she heard me, she looked up and gave me a warm smile. "Hello, dear."

_All is right when I gaze upon your smile, my flower!_

"I see you're taking great care of your flowers," I complimented her.

There was of a tinge of pink on her face, but she quickly looked away.

"May I join you in your task?" I requested.

Without facing me, she nodded.

I chuckled, kneeling down by her and beginning to work.

_Heart, you and the others mean so much to me, but you, most of all. You see light in even the blackest of shadows. You have never hated anyone, and you never will. But…_

I noticed a bloom on the bleeding-heart was a bit damaged. It made me think of those days, when I first came here.

"I'm sorry, Heart," I said softly.

"Hmm?"

"It must not be easy, putting up with me on a daily basis."

"I don't understand."

I gazed at her, my heart swelling with self-loathing.

"How do you do it? How do you and the others forgive me for being such a cruel, heartless—"

She suddenly wrapped her arms around me and held me in her own stare.

_This warmth…_

"That wasn't the Mike I know, the real Mike," she stated. "You were carrying a great hurt in here."

I felt a vine poke me in my chest.

"It locked away your memories, made you into someone you weren't. You're better than that. Never forget that. And if you ever do, I'll be by your side, to remind you," the rose finished, with a smile.

"Heart," I started. Something, or some**one**, climbed on my shoulder.

"She's right," Rai agreed. "I got lost in what she said, but she's right."

"But—"

"Would we have stayed if you were that guy?"

I was dumbstruck.

"Besides," he continued, jumping off, "it wouldn't hurt to believe in yourself more. You're pretty awesome… when you don't suck."

"Thanks for the praise," I said sarcastically.

"Dinner!"

_What the flip? _I _was supposed to make dinner._

"Plan worked."

"You say something, Rai?"

"Not at all. Meet you inside!"

He dashed away.

"That little..," I growled.

"Easy, dear. Your blood pressure."

"I know." I took a deep breath. "This might take a while."

"Okay," Heart chirped. She walked to the house and went inside.

"… Heart, Rai, Kong, Boss. Luke and Slugga were spared from it, being that I got them after, but the person you met _was_ the real me. I don't know how it happened, but I didn't have my memory, so I couldn't remember to hide my anger and hatred, and you bore witness to the monster underneath. This me, this is the one I want to be real. But he's too weak. One day, though, he will be strong enough to face the pain and sorrow around him and in his heart. Just wait."

I headed back in.

(**That's it for now. Hope you enjoyed it, and feel free to comment. I could really do with some much-needed advice, so long as it's not the "You suck!" or "I hate ****" garbage. Don't really care for people like that. This is Mike, signing out.**)


	2. A Rough Patch

**(Yo, Mike again! Sorry it took so long, have no Wi-Fi access, plus procrastination. Not important, though. Anyway, here's my new chapter. Hope you enjoy!)**

There was a light above, and it slowly grew smaller and smaller, as I fell into darkness. And the whole time, I felt someone calling me, but I couldn't quite make out who or what they were saying.

* * *

"C'mon, dude, get up," Rai said sternly.

I snored rather loudly, hoping he would get the hint.

"Snoring's not gonna get you outta this."

I continued.

"Alright, you asked for it."

Lightning coursed throughout my entire body, forcing me to jump out of bed in a flash.

"Awake now?"

"LITTLE RAT BASTARD!" I cried at the top of my lungs.

I jumped at him, but he sprung out of the room. I gave chase.

"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna make meat-lover's ratatouille!"

When he reached the stairs (my room's on the second floor), the mouse jumped to the bottom. I tripped and fell down the staircase.

"Ow, oof, oh, d'ow!" I landed in a not-so-glorious heap.

"Had enough?"

My words were muffled by the floor.

"Huh?"

"NOT UNTIL I KILL YOU!"

I grabbed for him, but missed by inches. I got up, just as Rai started running again. We went through the living room, where he busted down the door with Strength.

"Dagnabbit, Rai!"

He ran out, and once I was on the porch, I lost him.

I sighed. "Be safe."

I went to the kitchen, where Luke and Kong were sitting at the table, eating French toast and sausage and reading the paper, respectively, while Heart was at the stove, wearing a cute lil' apron and humming a little tune.

"Since when do you read, Kong?" I asked, sitting down.

"Problem?"

"Not at all… it has to do with errands, doesn't it?"

"Bingo."

"Ugh, I feel—"

"I wouldn't finish that, Dad," Luke interjected, with a mouthful of food.

I looked at him. "Where are your manners?"

He gulped. "Sorry."

"Here you are," Heart chirped, setting a plate down in front of me. "Egg sandwiches."

"Thank you very much," I told her, before digging in.

Luke slid a piece of paper across the table to me. "Grocery list."

I picked it up and took a look at it. "Why does it have dildo and lubricant on it?"

Soon as I said that, the list disappeared.

_What the-?_

"Don't know why I had that. This is the list."

He handed me the list.

"That's better, but what's this thing at the bottom?"

"The model number for the carburetor," Kong explained.

"You couldn't write down the name?"

He went back to his paper.

"Of course not. Ah well, how hard can it be?"

-Five hours later-

"For the last time, that is not a B, it's an E next to a 3!" I yelled at the cashier.

"Sir, you're making a scene, and for the record, I DON'T WORK HERE!"

"Then what's with the uniform?!"

"It's a long story."

Leaving in a huff, I silently cursed the Pokémart. Ever since their expansion, they've lost touch with potential and returning customers alike. And I doubt my attitude did anything to fix that. I decided to go back, when I saw this weird, run-down shop. I felt my feet walk to the door, and my hand open it.

In the words of an old comedian, the mess could not be described without use of the word, "cluster." Seriously, it was a lot nicer on the outside. Heaps of rust and broken junk were all over the floor, varying greatly in size. I'm surprised the building hasn't been condemned.

"Hello?"

CRK!

I looked to my left, and witnessed a pile that reached a decrepit ceiling.

_Please don't tell me that's gonna fall._

CRK!

_Dagnabbit._

I dove out of the way in time, avoiding death by mere inches.

I looked back at the scattered mess. "Whew, that was close. If I hadn't dodged that…"

_I don't have to finish that, right? Right._

Suddenly, an arm had erupted from the scrap!

"AAAAH!"

Then, an upper torso, complete with head, followed, groaning.

"ZOMBIE!"

I grabbed a pipe and charged. I whacked the foul thing in the head a couple times, yelling "Die, zombie!" each time I swung.

"I'm not a zombie!" it yelled, sounding a bit like Barney Rubble.

"Eh?"

I struck it once more.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry, had to be sure. I've seen a talking dead guy or two in my day."

Once **he** fully emerged, the man took my weapon and used it to strike me in the shin.

"Oh, oh, oh," I repeated, hopping on one leg, while clutching the other.

_I had that coming._

"Is there something you need, sir?" he genuinely asked.

"Besides a medic?"

Once I stopped hopping, I got a good look at him. He was covered head-to-toe in dirt, wearing a ratty old jumpsuit. Underneath the filth, I could tell his short hair was blue.

"Another Squito?"

"How do you know my family name?" he asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Well…"

I told him how I met these brothers, Don and Moe, on my earlier travels.

_Don was the first one I met; I didn't meet Moe until, like, six months later. Yes, his name is Moe Squito, but the joke went over his head. Don's, too. Moe's the younger brother, and runs the "family business," which is the Squito family (mafia). Don, on the other hand, was disowned by the family, for not using his technological and mechanical prowess to strengthen them. Since then, he has been in Hideaki, a refugee universe, where he creates many amazing things. One of them is a friend of mine. Silvia, a gynoid (female android) with an A.S. (Artificial Soul), which is a variation of A.I. Don't ask me what that is. However, she's for another time._

"So you're their cousin?"

"Yep, call me Junk Joe!"

"Oh-kay, what are you doing here?"

"No particular reason, just love it here. What are YOU doing here? …In my store, I mean."

I shrugged. "Don't really know."

"Hmm, wait one moment," he told me, before jumping into the rubbish and disappearing.

"Umm…"

His head popped out of another large pile. "I'm back."

"That was ridiculously fast."

"Here."

He tossed me something from in the heap. I caught it and looked it over. It was a [brand-new] piece of machinery, one I believed was—

"A carburetor?" I spoke aloud. I gawked at him. "How did you..?"

"Call it intuition," Joe said, stepping free.

"Thank you," I expressed, tucking it under my arm and reaching for my wallet.

"Hold it," he stated.

"Huh?"

"I won't accept payment."

"What?!"

"I have no need for it. I'm self-sufficient, my own crops and everything. I do this because I love the smell of the ages." He inhaled, then exhaled. "Ahh."

"Well, I have to repay you, somehow," I insisted.

"Just come back anytime. Not many people pass through here."

"Alright then, but if you need anything, you only need to ask."

Before I left, he said, "One thing. Don't mistake me for a zombie again, okay? Those swings hurt."

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah, sorry about that."

* * *

I walked along the pavement, carrying groceries whilst humming the same tune as Heart from this morning. No idea what it is, but it's kinda catchy.

It wasn't long before I reached home. I went inside, and was met with a delectable aroma. While I loved it, it meant the guys were making dinner. I walked into the kitchen, where my son was stirring the contents of a large pot, and the mouse and primate were setting the dinner table.

"I'm starting to think you guys dislike my cooking."

"Not true," Kong assured me.

"We just like his better," Rai said. "OW!"

Kong had bonked him on the head.

"That's a real boost to my confidence," I responded sarcastically.

Heart walked around me, carrying a basketful of Berries with her vines, humming that same tune. She set them down in the sink.

"Dear, could you help me clean these, please?" she asked me, sweetly.

_Yes, my lovely flower!_

"Of course."

I scrubbed some Sitrus and Leppa Berries, while she did the Cheri and Pecha.

"I didn't know you were growing Berries, Heart," I said.

"You're always eating Pechas, so I thought, why not grow some? This way, you can have them anytime you want. But then, I decided to have Berries for everyone here."

"That was very considerate. You're an angel," I let slip.

_Urk!_

"What?"

"Uh, n-nothing," I stuttered, resuming scrubbing.

_Smooth, Mike._

She didn't press the issue, but I swear, she was smiling out of the corner of my eye.

Soon, dinner was served. We all sat at the table (Boss has a perch, instead of a chair), and ate French onion soup and a special salad made up of various Berries, romaine lettuce and a pinch of salt. Normally, I don't eat salads, but this is my exception. Simply scrumptious.

Afterwards, I retired to my room. Nothing special, just your standard full-size mattress with blue-and-brown sheets, and a tall dresser. Well, aside from the in-wall vault behind it. Inside it, I keep a little pouch, some charms, and a sleek, single-edged scimitar. It was made by another Hideaki resident, the ace weapon smith, Mark S. Mann. For some reason, though, society calls him Marcus. He's one of the most, if not the most, skilled swordfighter I've ever met, and I've met a lot of them. However, that, too, is for another time.

Looking at the photos on my wall, I reminisced about the old days. I mean, the really old days, when I was a senior in high school. Halfway thru the year, me and my friends, Ryan and Travis, were pulled from our universe into other universes. After meeting new people, and some good old-fashioned battles, we returned home. Although, not to say things were normal. Don't worry; you'll know… eventually.

There was a knock at my door.

"Come in," I said.

Heart entered, looking a little embarrassed. "Hello, dear."

"What's up? Is it Tuesday already?"

She shook her head.

"Wednesday?"

"Sunday.

I snapped my fingers. "Not even close."

"Mike? Is there someone you love?"

"Of course."

"REALLY?!"

I was shocked by her sudden outburst of what appeared to be excitement. She seemed to become aware of it, as she quickly looked down with her flowers behind her back. As an awkward silence was about to set in, she asked, "So, who is it, if I may be so bold?"

"Lessee, you, Luke, Kong," I listed, counting them with my fingers.

"No, I meant," she interrupted, "as a… a…"

"A stepstool? Scapegoat? Peon?" I suggested.

"As a mate."

I started laughing, out of the blue. After a few minutes, I calmed down.

"Sorry, that was incredibly rude. I meant nothing by it. My brain has a couple hundred screws loose, but that's no excuse."

"It's okay," she said, a downhearted expression on her flawless face.

I sat on the edge of my bed, then patted a spot next to me. "Come, sit."

A small smile showing, she walked up to me and sat to my left.

"You really wanna know?"

Heart nodded.

"There was one girl. Her name was Lynda. When I first met her, she was in trouble with these guys, and I saved her. We liked each other, but the farthest we went was holding hands. It didn't help that certain people had terrible timing, but I digress."

"I see."

"Why this interest?"

"You never talk about yourself."

"I do, too!" I defended.

"Not about before you came to Sinnoh."

"Well, trust me; you don't need to know."

_Some things are best buried._

"I **want** to know. I want to know more about the man I love."

My eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Pardon?"

"It's true. You're the one to whom I will devote myself, body and mind, always and forever."

_Heart's never this bold. Is she in heat?_

"Ha-ha, very funny," I said, trying to brush it off.

She pinned me down and straddled my hips. "It's no joke. When I first laid eyes on you as a Budew, I knew we were meant to be soulmates. Why can't you see that, Michael?!"

Despite her furious look, tears flowed from the marvelous rubies that were her eyes down onto my face.

"Heart, I'm sorry. I just couldn't believe you would be in love with _me_, of all people." I quickly rose, wrapping my arms tight around her. "Ever since you evolved into a Roselia, I hated myself for hurting you and everyone else. I tried my best to be a better man, but I'm no better than I was before! I wanted to be nothing less than what you deserve, because I love you too."

"Dear," she whispered, returning the embrace.

_That's why I have to do this._

I pulled out her Pokéball from my side pocket and activated the recall mechanism. A second later, she was in the device.

_I am truly sorry, Heart._

* * *

The morning after, I took the old Jeep out to Rowan's. His lab may be across the street from me, but I still had to take the Jeep, to pick up some training equipment later for Luke. He really needs to rest his body.

I pulled up in front of a large facility. No matter how often I come here, I'm still astounded by all the space he has. Useful, too, with all the various Pokémon living here. A lot of them are mine, but they're irrelevant, at present. I went to the farthest part of the property, away from prying eyes, before releasing Heart. She had her arms crossed.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

When I stopped being a Trainer, I swore I'd never touch my equipment again. Unfortunately, my hand was forced.

"You're not thinking clearly. The hormones are messing with your mind, making you say stuff you don't mean."

"I **do** mean it! I would do anything for you, because you're my—"

"STOP," I commanded, almost livid. "I know what you were gonna say. Something along the lines of 'true love,' right? Well, lemme tell you something; there is no such thing. Nothing more than a fairy-tale."

I turned to walk away, when she cried, "But you said you loved me!"

I stopped and looked back. "I lied."

Something broke in me, seeing Heart rejected. As I left, I heard her crumble to the ground, crying to the heavens.

_Heart, you deserve better than me, but you refuse to accept the fact that I'm a mongrel. This is the only way for you to see that. I know it, in my own heart… WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH?!_

The tears burned like hellfire, but it did not deter me in the slightest. Her true soulmate will come along, and heal her pain, whereas I will rot away, a beast in a cage of my own design.

(Three days later)

"Huh?"

"You heard me," Rai said. "Where's Heart?"

I was in the basement, setting up the heavy punching bag I got from a friend, when Rai and Kong found me. They looked pretty steamed.

"I don't know. Then again, I can't seem to find anything else around here."

"Thanks, anyway," Kong replied, sounding sarcastic. Then, they went off somewhere.

_I don't expect anyone to like the things I do. I only wish they understand why I do them. Monsters like me shouldn't be alive in the first place, least of all, be allowed to be happy. No one else seems to understand that._

* * *

I'm falling, falling. No light amidst the murkiness of my soul. This is the way it should be.

"Michael…"

_That voice._

This time, I heard it crystal-clear, loud as a bell.

"Heart, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm here to save you," she answered.

"… You're an angel. That's the problem, though."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't deserve you. Your kindness, your warmth; nothing can be compared to you, a goddess of this world. Me, I'm despicable, detestable. You and the others have every right to hate me, kill me even, and yet, you want to save me."

I thought about the early days, the dark parts of my journey.

"You're pitiful! A waste of life! Retards! Worthless!" were among the horrible words I used to describe my team. And some people wonder why I disgust myself.

"I have to ask: after what happened between us, why?"

No response. Then, I started to slow down until I came to a complete stop. A small radiant speck appeared overhead, that grew brighter and brighter, eventually removing all traces of shadow. What had been revealed astounded me. Multiple 'movies' of me, not just atoning for my sins, but being good in ways I'd never seen. Patching them up after a hard-fought battle, cooking the good stuff for them and being there when they needed me.

_Is that really me?_

"It is," Heart confirmed, her voice coming from my right.

I gazed upon her, tears welling up.

"You need to start giving yourself more credit. Everybody knows what you were like then, but they also know how sincere you are, and how much effort you put in to improve yourself."

"Heart, what I said before…"

"I know."

I sighed in relief. "I'm not the one who can make you happy, but I swear, I will spend every waking moment, working to do just that," I promised.

She smiled warmly at me. "I know."

* * *

I woke up with a start, just as my alarm went off.

_I have to go to her._

I leaped outta bed, grabbed my sword from the safe, and- fully-dressed, mind you- zoomed to the front door. As I was about to leave, a newsflash popped up on the television.

"This just in!" a brunette spoke. "The Nidoking from Floaroma Town, nicknamed Scar for the large mark on its chest, has just attacked Professor Rowan's laboratory, along with a Breloom and Carnivine. No casualties reported so far, although witnesses have stated that they chased what appeared to be a Roserade into the forest."

"No," I gasped.

"Local law enforcement have advised any nearby citizens to stay away. They will apprehend this rogue Pokémon swiftly and surely."

The TV shut off.

"You happy now?"

Kong was sitting in a burgundy swivel chair, with Luke standing to his left and Rai on his lap.

"I didn't want this. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Rai hopped down. "What did you expect, then?"

"For her to find someone better."

Before I could react, Rai jumped up and head-butted me in the face. "You're an idiot! She wouldn't pick Lord Arceus over you!"

"But—," I started, my nose throbbing.

"Save it for later, Dad. Right now, we have to save Heart."

"Huh?"

"We're going with you," Kong said.

"This is my mess, guys, so I have to be the one that cleans it up," I argued.

"Too bad." Kong held up a set of keys.

I checked my pockets, but it looks like he has my car keys.

_Little rat bastard swiped them._

Reluctantly, I let the fiery monkey drive. Bad idea. We were swerving all over the dirt road going up, with Luke and Rai bouncing side-to-side in the rear. I was smart and had my seatbelt on, in spite of it being ineffective against Kong's driving.

"Where did you learn to drive?!" I hollered.

"_Grand Theft Auto_, where else?"

"Don't you keep blowing up in that?!"

"He once did it stationery!" Rai shouted.

"… Anybody wanna jump out with me?"

"Relax," Kong said, in a comforting tone.

"STOP!" I yelled.

We screeched to a halt, causing the jackal and mouse to be flung into the windshield.

"Why'd we stop?" Rai questioned, his face squashed.

"Any closer and we'll get caught."

A rather large police squadron was in place, scattered everywhere. There was no way we could anything in the vicinity of the lab without being seen. We got out and quickly ducked into the closest bushes.

"We need a diversion," I whispered.

"Like what, a pizza delivery?" Rai suggested.

"That won't work," Luke said.

"Yeah, you're right. How about donuts?"

"…Really?" I said, with a ton of sarcasm.

"It's worked for me."

"What do you suggest, Kong? Kong?"

He disappeared.

_Where did he go?_

Suddenly, there was this loud metallic crunch. Apparently, Kong decided to demolish a nearby squad car, by smashing it with another. Not long after, all the cops chased him in the opposite direction.

"That'll work," Luke said.

"I'm making pumpkin roll in his honor, once this is over. C'mon."

We hurried around the building, finding ourselves in what resembled a battlefield. Large chunks of the earth were missing, bellowing smoke from them. Among the Pokémon on the ground or running around doing who-knows-what, I noticed a Houndoom lying beside an injured Machoke.

"Maxwell, Muscle!" I called out, hurrying to them.

The Houndoom, noticing me, stood up as I drew near. "Mike, he's hurt pretty bad, from fighting the Nidoking."

"I can tell," I said. "Was he poisoned?"

"I don't know," Maxwell admitted.

"Okay." Kneeling down, I took a closer look at Muscle. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing heavy. While the wound just above his belt was shallow, poison might have seeped into it. I pulled a Pecha out and fed it to him, helping the bodybuilder chew and swallow.

"That should be enough," I said, retrieving a small bag from inside my shirt and setting it at the hellhound's front paws. "There's Pecha Berries in this, make sure everyone gets some, just in case."

"On it." Max picked it up and ran off.

I stood up. "Luke, use your Aura to close the wound. When you're done, check on the others, then follow behind. Understood?"

"Yes sir," he confirmed.

"Ready, Rai?"

He jumped onto my shoulder. "Oh, yeah!"

I ran towards the forest.

* * *

"Huff, huff, huff, you see them yet, Rai?" I asked, gasping for air.

_I really should exercise._

"Not yet," he replied.

I was running as fast as I could, which was pretty fast for a chubby. Still, jumping over large roots and dodging trees and such can really take a toll on you. Would've been better if my friend wasn't weighing me down.

"Wait, I hear something."

I stopped and leaned against a thin, sturdy tree, keeping myself up with an outstretched arm and breathing as slowly as possible.

"From the sound of things, they cornered her. She's making them work for it, though, firing Shadow Balls non-stop."

"You can tell what attack Heart's using?" I questioned.

"There's a reason I have big ears, y'know."

"Right."

My breathing was steady now. I stood up straight.

"Caught up, Luke?"

"Yes, Dad."

He walked up next to me and told us, "Everyone's alright. However, you'll want to make sure later."

"Gotcha."

We continued our advance, with me leading. As we drew near, I heard yelling, drowned out by explosions. Once we reached a clearing, we stopped. On the other side, Heart had her back against a large rock formation, fending off the rogue Nidoking, Breloom and Carnivine with a bombardment of dark-purple spheres. She looked like she would keel over soon.

_No doubt about it. She's between a rock and a hard place._

Rai jumped off. "OK, Mike, Luke and I can take the bastards, while you grab Heart and go."

"Are you out of your mind?! Scar, on his own, is bad enough. Fighting him _and_ the Grass-types is suicide!"

"What choice do we have?" Rai asked.

"Let me fight them."

"No," Luke said flatly.

"Why not?"

"If you die for her, she'll never forgive us, or herself!"

"Why does that matter?!" I screamed.

They were thrown off by that.

"The whole reason she's in danger, that all this happened, is my fear. I was afraid that when she saw the real me, she wouldn't love me anymore. Chalk that up to my idiocy. If any of you got hurt or worse, I'd rather be dead than live with that."

Luke and Rai just stared at me, mouths agape.

"Say what you will, but for once, I won't back down from my choice. I'm fighting them, and that's final."

"… Certainly," Luke submitted, begrudgingly. "You have to swear you won't die, then."

"I swear."

Rai groaned. "Fine. C' mon, Luke."

They dashed across the clearing, slipping past Scar and his goons. Luke scooped the strong flower up into his arms and whisked her away, with Rai in tow.

"Hey, get back here!" the purple monster roared.

"Or what?"

They spun abruptly, facing my direction.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Won't matter if you know or not," I stated, winding my arm. "'Cause I'm gonna beat your ass into the dirt, where you belong!"

I wasn't able to see the Breloom's fist flying at me. By the time I did, it pushed me back hard, causing me to bounce off a pine.

"Geh!"

The Carnivine snared me in midair with its vines and lifted me high above the world.

_Dagnabbit._

I plummeted at speeds far beyond the average skydiver's descent.

_This is it._

I crash-landed into the ground, lying at the bottom of a large crater created by the impact. By some miracle (a.k.a. plot), I survived, but everything below my neck wasn't responding.

"Dammit…"

Something slid down. I twisted my neck to see what it was. My eyes widened at the sight of Scar, his penis fully erect.

"You're not my type, so you don't have to worry," he said, a rumbling voice emanating from his maw. "I am curious, though, as to your relationship with the harlot."

My eye twitched. "I'm the guy who put her in this predicament."

"How kind of you, to provide us with something to relieve ourselves."

"Heart is not a DOLL!"

He stomped on my chest. The trauma forced a good amount of blood into my mouth.

"She will be," he promised, looking down at me.

He climbed back up and was gone.

… _I mess everything up. Maybe I'm just being a baby, like my step-dad told me. I was never very confident, and very lazy, and I made excuses. It didn't help that he'd beat me once. Justifiable, in a way. Thing is, I don't care for myself. Never had, probably never will. But if I die now, things won't be better._

I ordered my body to move, it didn't.

_C'mon, move! You've been through worse. I know you can. If you don't, we'll lose Heart!_

A finger twitched.

_You're not what you were before. You couldn't do shit back then. But after that day, you grew strong._

My right hand clawed the soil beneath it.

_You fought dragons, giants, even gods, just to grow stronger for yourself. Now that someone important is on the line, you're gonna give up?!_

My left leg pulled up.

_Even _I _know you're better than that. Now that you decided to listen, let's THRASH SOME BASTARDS!_

Slowly, but surely, I rose from the ditch and stood on the ledge. The bastard Pokémon were walking away, most likely thinking me dead.

_Time for a shocker._

"HEEEY!" My shout scared a flock of Starly out of a tree and away.

They looked back, shock written all over.

"Piece of advice: Never underestimate a chubby."

Before they could retaliate, I practically flew like an arrow at them. I collided with Scar, still going. We busted down an evergreen with our inertia. For the moment, he was down. Turning my attention to the others, I bounced off the trees to reach the Breloom. The little dino-thing dodged my incoming attack and countered with an Energy Ball. I drew my sword to absorb the move, which pushed me away. Landing on my feet, I slid a-ways, the blade glowing bright-green.

"What the-?!"

I swung, launching a variation of the Energy Ball. It made a pretty big explosion, and when the smoke cleared, it proved enough to take him down. I ducked just in time to avoid the Carnivine's Power Whip. Its intensity made the hair on my arms and nape stand.

_Close one._

Another swing and he missed. Another, miss. It went on for about five minutes, before I started getting fatigued again.

_Better finish this quick._

With another burst of speed, I nailed the overgrown flytrap with a punch in the mouth from my free hand. He soared over the forest and out of sight.

"That's the end of that," I huffed.

Something struck me from the side, sending me tumbling across the open space.

"How's that?!" the monster roared.

Once I stopped, I slowly got up. "I'm tired of getting knocked around. Does that answer your bloody question?"

"We could have avoided all this, if you'd just let me have her."

"Not gonna happen."

"You'd rather she remain pure."

"The only thing I want is her happiness," I corrected, walking towards him. "Being the borderline-insane idiot I am, I went about it the wrong way. Now I realize, I should try to be the one that brings her joy."

I stopped within striking distance, assuming a relaxed boxer's stance.

"I believe I owe you that beat down now," I said smugly.

"So be it."

I threw the first punch, nailing him in the face. He didn't budge, however…

"OW!" I yelled, shaking my hand.

_Might as well have punched a solid-steel wall, for Jirachi's sake!_

He struck back, getting me in the side of the head. The blow disoriented me for a few seconds. Regaining my senses, I threw another punch, this one causing Scar to stumble a little. After that, it was a fierce exchange of fists, ending with a cross-blow to each other's face. I doubled-over, fighting to stay conscious.

_Don't bail on me now, body, not when we're so close…_

Scar tackled me, pushing me a few feet. Something dug into my side, but I didn't see what it was. I grabbed him by the sides of his waist, and lifted the bastard high over me. No doubt that surprised him. With a mighty roar of my own, I dropped him headfirst unto the earth. And by "dropped," I mean I frickin' planted his skull in the ground.

_Rot in Hell, you sonuva bitch._

Finally, I headed back.

* * *

(Jenny POV)

"Alright, slow down, will ya?! I can't follow what you're saying," I said.

_Ugh, why can't they learn to speak English?_

A Lucario, Raichu and Roserade were really flustered about something, chattering away in their incomprehensible language. However, my gut says they must be Mike's. Hope he's okay, wherever he is.

"Where's your trainer? He must be worried about you."

That seemed to only make them more flustered, which quickly drained my patience.

I groaned.

"What's wrong?" Davis asked.

"These Pokémon are driving me up a wall! I can't understand a word they're saying."

"What about body language?"

"It's plainly obvious they're agitated about something, but I can't make heads or tails."

"Let me try," he said.

He knelt down to the mouse's level. "Hey, why don't you tell me where your Trainer is?"

The Raichu spoke in its native tongue, while making little gestures with his paws. Davis just nodded his head.

"Mm-hmm, I see…"

"Well?"

He stood back up. "They're saying their trainer went to fight the rogue Pokémon, and they want us to help him."

_Please let me be wrong._

"Did they tell you his name?"

A heavy thud sounded out from the edge of the woods.

"Rose!" the bouquet Pokémon shouted, running past us towards it.

The sight was terrible. Mike **was** the Trainer that went after Scar. Beaten and bruised, he lied face down, bleeding from an injury on his side. Strangely enough, there was a tinge of violet in the blood.

"Davis, get a paramedic, ASAP!"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, before running off.

"Mike, stay with me, got that?" I said, while Heart knelt beside him.

He groaned.

_Please don't die. You're my only _real _friend. The others want me for my body, but you're not like that. You look out for me, help me even though you have your own things to do, and you have my back. I owe you so much, and I can't repay you if you go. So please, don't you dare die._

* * *

(Mike POV)

My vision was swimming, I couldn't make heads or tails of where I was.

"Ah, awake now, are we?" a muffled voice asked.

Once my eyes normalized, I noticed my surroundings closely resembled a hospital room. Well, an exact match, more like. Especially with the doctor hovering over me.

"Can I help you, sir?"

"You know, you're lucky," the doctor commented, sounding normal now. "Not many have survived a Nidoking assault."

"I guess."

He walked to the end of the bed I was laying in, glancing at the clipboard.

"Poisoned, too. Smart to have a Pecha Berry on you."

"My Roserade has Poison Point, and she's affectionate, too, so…"

The door opened, and there stood Heart and the others, accompanied by Jen.

"Mike!"

In one bound, she landed in my lap and hugged me tight.

"Hey, what's up?"

"You idiot!"

"Eh?"

"You could've been killed! If that happened, I would just die," she sobbed, her face buried in my chest. "You mean so much to me, dear. I need you in my life."

_Heart…_

I wrapped my arms around her and nestled my noggin in the white petals on her head, a smile on my face. She stopped crying.

"It's okay," I whispered. "I won't make the same mistake I did before. If you can hear my heart beat, I want you to know, from this point on, it beats for you."

_Cheesy, I know, but I owe her that much._

I couldn't see, but I'm certain she smiled at that. We stayed like that for a few more minutes, until we had to part. Mainly because I got poisoned, _again._

_Dagnabbit._

**(What is he, people? Is he really human? Eh, we'll see. Don't forget, read and review.)**


	3. Fatal Mistake

**Okay, so I'm gonna be a little erratic with my new chapters, only because I have a lot going on all at once. First off, I have to quit my job because apparently, they don't have enough money to give people raises, but enough to hire four, five more people? That's messed up. Secondly, it's hard for me to write because (a), I can't tell what areas need improving for my writing skills, and (b), I have SO many things in my head, it's not even funny. Plus, I have a great idea for a story (don't know where I'm taking it yet, have to finish it first) and it stars Mike (who is apparently classified as a self-insert, according to this group's archive), and yeah, that means he's me. More later. Enjoy!**

"What are you doing, Mike?"

"Just hangin'."

Me, Luke and Rai were on Route 201, close to Lake Verity, when I got caught in a rope trap. Hanging by your ankle apparently is great for your back.

"Remind me why you set up these traps, Dad," Luke said, looking unamused.

"Teenagers are wham-bamming all over the place, and while I cannot do anything to stop it, I have constructed ways to at least prevent it," I explained.

"BY HANGING THEM?!" Rai shouted.

"You're being overdramatic. Besides, there's more than one type of trap. Sorry, by the way."

"For what?"

SNAP!

In an instant, they fell through a hole big enough for an Aggron.

"AAAAAHH! OUCH!" They hit rock bottom.

"For the Burmese tiger pit you fell for."

Rai groaned. "What's with the puns today?"

"I'm just being honest," I corrected him.

KRAK!

_Ah, crap._

The branch holding me up gave in, breaking off from its source. Free from the noose, I landed on my ass. The rope went down the pit. Seconds later, I felt Luke climb out of the hole. He walked over, looking down at me with Rai on his shoulder.

"Your trapping skills need work."

"I know."

"You're insane," Rai added.

"I know."

They helped me to my feet, Rai hopping onto my shoulder, and we headed home.

"Why did you really set those up, Dad?"

"I told you; to stop horny teenagers," I said.

"It has nothing to do with Jawx?"

"Truthfully, I don't give him much thought these days," I admitted.

"Why not?" Rai asked.

"If I did, I'd hunt him down and destroy every organ in his body, starting with his lungs," I said darkly.

"Forget we asked," Luke said.

Not long after, there was a boom in the distance, stopping us in our tracks.

"What was that?"

Another boom, _much_ closer.

"Whatever it is," I stated, "it's moving _fast_."

Trees rustled behind us on the trail, a gold-and-black beast jumping into sight.

"WHAT?!" we exclaimed simultaneously.

_A shiny Luxray!_

The lion(ess) stood low to the ground, ready to pounce. What the hell was after it? Something red collided with it, taking the ferocious predator down. We rushed to see the damage. We came to a halt a couple feet away, but we saw what flew. A Blaziken, unconscious and missing an arm from the elbow down, lying on top. And the Luxray was out, too.

Snarling was heard from where those two appeared, a powerful bloodlust accompanying it. We turned around, watching that spot in the forest line. I could feel the electric rodent build up power, preparing to attack. Minutes passed, the snarling holding steady. Finally, it subsided. The presence went away.

Letting out a huge sigh of relief, I said, "We're lucky."

"Yeah," Rai agreed, relaxing.

"What should we do with these two?" Luke queried.

"If that was him…"

I walked over and hoisted them under each arm.

"Then we can't just stand by, right?"

"You really are a good man," Rai commented.

"No idea what you're talking about."

After that, we made it home. I took the Pokémon to one of the larger rooms on the ground floor, set up with two single beds, and a wall-mounted TV. Nothing special, really. I set the Blaziken and Luxray down on the beds. Upon further examination, both of them turned out to be female. And no, I didn't feel them up. The lioness' nipples brushed against my forearm. And the kung-pao chicken's figure speaks for itself, I think.

"Luke, keep an eye on them for me, okay? I'm gonna make something for them."

"Would you grab a protein bar for me, while you're at it?"

"Gotcha," I said, walking out the room and down the hall.

"Now what?" Rai asked.

"You remember that stuff I told you to _never_ touch?"

"Yeah?"

"I need you to go grab that. Syringe, too. Pleeease?" I asked sweetly.

"On it," he replied, hopping off and running in the opposite direction.

I reached the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets.

"Good afternoon, dear."

I turned around to greet my Heart.

"Hey, hun," I said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Who did you bring home?"

"Survivors of Jawx," I stated.

She gasped. "Are they okay?! Oh, they must be terrified!"

"I don't know; they're unconscious at the moment."

I heard sounds of struggle emanating from the room I was in.

"_Were_ unconscious," I corrected myself.

I hurried back to find the avian attacking Luke. However, he quickly took control, pinning her down.

"Nobody's going to hurt you, I promise. I can't keep it, though, if you try to kill me."

"Why should I believe you?!" she shouted, sounding on the verge of hysterical. "That thing almost killed me and my friend!"

"That _thing_ was a Feraligatr," I spoke up. "Used to be one of my family, until a year ago. I cannot apologize enough for the harm he has done from then."

"He was YOURS? You fucking bastard!"

"Not originally. Word is, he killed his previous Trainer. Doesn't wipe the blood off my hands."

I looked her in the eye. "I know this is the last place you'd want to be, but it's only until you recover."

She glared at me. Any harder and I might actually die.

"Chill, will ya?" Luxray piped up, very comfortable. "He had no hand in what happened, but he's sorry about it. No need to get your feathers ruffled, 'kay?"

"You're… surprisingly calm about all this," I stated.

"I don't see what the big deal is. We're alive, right?"

"In a human's house!"

"Again, what's the problem? He didn't capture us or anything."

"How do you know that?" I inquired.

"Instinct," she replied.

"In any case, your friend is right," Luke told Blaziken. "Dad's not a Trainer anymore. And even if he was, he wouldn't use Jawx."

He let up off of Blaziken. "If you want to leave, I won't stop you. But remember this: my dad only wants to help."

Slowly, she got to her feet and sat down on the open bed.

"Alright then. Where's Rai?"

"Right here," Rai whispered in my ear.

"AAAAAH!"

I was gasping for air, hand clutching my chest, half-alive. "Christ, Rai, you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

"You're too young for that," he quipped.

Once my heart rate slowed down, I asked if he got it.

"Yep," he confirmed. He had a syringe and a small glass jar wrapped in his tail. I took them and walked to Blaziken.

"Just relax," I assured her. I filled the hypodermic with the honey-colored liquid in the vial, and injected it into her damaged arm.

"It'll start in an hour, but for it to work, you need a lot of rest."

"Says you."

She stood up and suddenly fell back onto the bed, passed out.

"Huh, that's new."

* * *

The next day, I visited my guests with their meals on a large tray I carried like a waiter.

"Here we go," I said to myself, setting it down on the foot of Luxray's bed. "A steak garnished with parsley and peppers, mashed potatoes on the side for Luxray." The shiny Pokémon dug in with gusto. "And for Blaziken, our house special." I brought her that salad me and Heart make together. She turned her head up and away from it.

"C'mon, you need to keep your strength up."

"Why?"

"…Do you have a grudge against me or something?"

She looked at me, fury in her blue eyes. "Why shouldn't I?! I'm minus an arm, thanks to you! Now I really _am_ a freak!"

_Come again?_

"Where did that come from?"

Shock written on her face, she looked down-heartedly at her stump, which had grown longer, thanks to the treatment. "I used to have a trainer. He would beat me, insult me, and it didn't change for the better when I evolved."

"Because you're a Pokémorph?" I asked.

"A what?"

"Pokémorph. That's what you are."

"How do you..?"

"I had one before, a Swampert named Rene. While your species is already human-like, there are some differences," I explained, sitting down on her bed and holding her hand. "A normal one only has three talons on each hand, whereas you have four, see?"

Her hand closely resembled a human's. While it retained the bumpy texture of a chicken foot and kept the claws, it could pass.

"This is because you have human DNA."

"Human?"

"A Pokémorph is the result of Poképhilia. All Pokémon are capable of either causing or undergoing pregnancy with humans, but some egg groups have a higher chance of success."

"Does that mean… my Trainer-?"

"Is a bastard?" I finished. "Yeah. Doesn't change anything for you, at all. You're you, no matter whatever or whoever happens. But if it cheers you up, I'd gladly beat the crap out of him for ya."

She smiled. I didn't notice before, but her face is very expressive.

"You're not so bad."

"I guess. You going to eat now?"

"Just one more question. How do you understand us so easily?"

I tapped the side of my goggles. "These are for more than just seeing."

I stood up. "You two want anything to drink? Soda, cocoa, lemonade?"

"Just water," Luxray answered.

"Same," Blaziken replied.

"Okay." I took Luxray's plate, which was licked clean, and the tray back to the kitchen. I put them in the sink to wash later, then pulled out two coffee mugs from the cabinet overhead.

"Dear?"

Heart stood to my left. Setting the mugs to the side, I looked at her, smiling.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, why?"

She shrugged. "Just wondering."

"…If you're worried about something, just say so. Believe me when I say, it'll eat at you."

"I don't want to lose you," she said.

_This is one of those times where an eyebrow is raised._

"They've seen how caring, how kind you are. What if they decide to stay? What if they fall for you? What if _you_ do? What if-?"

I started laughing, cutting her off. "Heart, I somehow got lucky enough to have you in my life." I settled down. "You really think I'd give you up?"

I walked up to her and held her by the shoulders. "I made my mistakes, but I learned from them. I'll never even _think_ of doing that to you. You're the one I want most in this, or any other world. That's a guarantee."

Her smile shone like diamonds. "Oh, Mike."

We embraced each other tightly, a simple kiss shared.

"Why don't you come to meet them? Then you'll see there's nothing to worry about."

"Okay," she agreed.

I filled the mugs, put in straws, and took them to the room, Heart following behind.

"I'm back." I handed Blaziken and Luxray their drinks. "I'd like you to meet Heart."

She bowed. "Nice to meet you."

"She's cute," Luxray commented.

"Don't have to tell me that. By the way, at the rate your arm's going, it'll be good as new by tomorrow night. I'll take you back the morning after."

"What?"

"Don't worry, it won't be even remotely close to Jawx. I know a place to the north of Verity. It's protected by Mesprit, so you'll be safe there."

"That's not what I meant."

"What, you think I'm throwing you out?"

"Sure looks like it."

"Trust me, it's for the best."

"How so?"

I looked away. "… I'd rather not say."

She didn't say anything, but her expression said it all.

* * *

Time flew by, and the designated morning, we got in the jeep and rode along an old dirt road. The air was tense between me and Blaziken, who sat up in front. Luxray was just staring out the window, watching the scenery pass by, I assumed.

"She's taking it rather well," I commented.

The avian was silent.

"Y'know, I don't expect you to like my decision—"

"Well, I don't!"

"May I at least know why?"

"I thought you were a good man, someone who… but you're not much better than him."

"I'm not," I agreed. "If you had met me when I first came here, you'd probably think your Trainer was the better man."

"I wasn't always a good guy, if at all. The only reason I'm on my way to becoming one, is because of Heart. She shone a light on me, which brought me to my senses. Despite how I treated her before then, she honestly, genuinely loves _me_, when she'd be better off with someone else. That's why I am what I am now, for her."

There was silence once more, until…

"I'm sorry, it just felt nice to be cared about," she said.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. Truthfully, I wouldn't mind if you two wanted to stay. It's just the matter of Jawx."

"Jawx?"

"Luke has a scar on his side, a remnant of a severe injury he sustained by the reptile's hand. In anger, I took his right eye. Then- and only Luke knew this- I made a deal, that we would stay out of each other's way, or death will greet one or both of us. That reminds me, how's your arm?"

"Fine, now. So, you put yourself in danger, for us?"

"A good man helps those he can, when he can. Heart taught me that."

"And now, you're going to fight that monster?!"

"Deep down, I knew it would happen anyway, so why not this way? Besides, I fought monsters for a living at one point in my life, so I'll be fine. We're here."

We reached the end of the trail, a large cave in front of us. I left the engine running and stepped out of the vehicle, walking around to let my guests out.

"Contrary to popular belief, the Being of Emotion resides here."

"How do you know?"

"I met her."

They both looked surprised.

"You tend to meet people when you travel," I explained.

"But to meet Lady Mesprit—"

"She and the Beings of Willpower and Knowledge were in trouble at one point in time, thanks to Team Galactic, but Barry and I handled the situation."

"You seem to be pretty popular," Luxray replied.

"Depends on the people."

I walked back around, and told them, "Whatever happens, know that you're welcome in my home anytime." After that, I got in and drove back. I had no doubt in my mind, I did the right thing. If they come back, fine by me, but one way or another, Jawx will be dealt with, the way he should have been.

Halfway down the road, I came across an obstacle. A spring Sawsbuck was lying smack-dab in the middle, facing away from me. I stopped the truck and got out.

"Didn't see me come through only minutes before, huh?" I walked over to it. "Hate to interrupt your nap, but there's no way around you, so I have to ask you politely to move, only for a few moments."

No response.

"Hello? Did you hear me?"

Nothing, not even when I nudged it with my foot. I leaned over the deer to find its chest hollowed out. Now, I seen death many times, but it's not something you get used to, ever.

"The hell?"

_He's here. Dammit, I should've been more aware._

Suddenly, I found myself tumbling along the path. When I came to a halt, I looked back.

"Long time no see, Jawx," I said, my blood beginning to boil.

Standing tall in front of the truck, a gigantic, ferocious beast appeared, fresh blood dripping from his jaws and his one eye gleaming with wrath. His aqua-blue body visibly rippled with power. I stood up, eyes fixated on him. I let out a long, slow breath to try and calm myself.

"I'd be lying if I said I wished it didn't have to come to this. Those two were your only survivors, aside from Luke?"

A rumbling growl was his response.

"Must be almost maddening, to find yourself denied three meals, all by the same man that took your eye. I'm surprised you didn't take that chance to kill me. Well, your call." I pulled out La Espada Neutral, my scimitar, from underneath my shirt. I twirled it around in my right hand, then held it properly and pointed the sword at the Big Jaw. "Bye now."

I ran towards the lizard and swung my blade down. He moved a lot quicker than I remember, dodging my attack, and then sending me crashing through the brush for roughly thirty meters with a swipe of his spiked tail.

"Ahh, dagnabbit." Using my sword to hoist myself up, I prepared to attack again, until I saw the big wave headed my way. It was too late to take evasive maneuvers, so I ended up being swept away even further. Everything that I passed was a blur, but it became clear after I got dumped into Lake Verity.

_Gotta get out before—_

I heard a big splash, before I went under. Bubbles floated up, carrying away the little oxygen I had taken in. At the rate Jawx was diving, even if I got away, I'd never reach the surface in time. My last moments…

_Shit!… I'm sorry, everyone. I thought I'd make it back._

I resigned myself to my fate as I closed my eyes.

* * *

I felt something thumping on my chest, but I couldn't open my eyes.

"He's not waking!"

"Let me try."

An electric shock made me jump like fifteen feet straight up and brought me down on my big, hairy ass. Ignore that last part.

"OW! Motherchucker, that hurt!"

"Well, excuse us for trying to help!"

I looked to my left.

"Blaziken, Luxray, what are you doing here?"

"We followed behind you," the lioness answered.

I looked out at the lake, then back at them.

"Did you two… save me?"

"Well, couldn't let you die, right?" the hen questioned.

I noticed traces of water vapor coming off her crimson body.

_Fire-types don't do well when their bodies get drenched, yet you risked yourself for me._

I reached out and wrapped my arms around them, hoping they would feel how grateful I was. "Thank you, thank you so much…"

They settled in, even returned the embrace. It was a good feeling. Unfortunately, I heard that same growling.

_You have to admit, he doesn't give up easily._

There was a watery explosion, caused by Jawx' Hydro Cannon. Blaziken and Luxray dodged the attack with time to spare, whilst I was held by the avian like a rug. The gator's attack left a large hole where we were.

_Yikes._

Blaziken dropped me, and said, "Leave, we'll cover you."

"What?" I got to my feet. "Jawx is my responsibility."

"But you also have a responsibility to them, right?"

"Got me there, but I can't leave you with him! He'll kill you!"

"He only got me because he's a coward and caught me by surprise. I'll show him why you don't mess with me!" she declared.

"Plus, she has me," Luxray added. "We'll see you later."

"Yeah," I sighed. _Doubt I can change their minds._

I ran away, but they had no idea it was to find my sword. I lost it when the Surf hit me. I hoped it didn't end up in the lake. Retracing my steps, I looked through the mud, but no luck. I wouldn't have found it, though, if it hadn't been glowing blue.

_Looks like Arceus decided to cut me a break._

I picked it up and cleaned it off with a rag I pulled from my left side pocket. This blade served me well, and saved my life more times than I remember. The material it's made from is very strong, but despite the feel of it, it's not metal. Whatever it _is_, absorbs elemental energy (i.e. a Pokémon attack). Originally, the energy stored was meant to defend against and negate attacks of the same element. The way I learned it, is far from Ichigo's Getsugatensho in terms of power, but it comes in handy when the time arises.

I hurried back, only to find that they really didn't need me. The crimson-and-yellow fowl was landing heavy kicks all over the alligator's front, while the quadruped shiny latched herself to his back.

_Guess I was worried over nothing. Better stick around, just to be safe._

I was right to worry, though. Eventually, Jawx got Luxray off and threw her at Blaziken, slamming them against a large rock. They weren't moving, possibly unconscious, and he was getting closer, his maw slowly opening…

_Dammit!_

Without any concern for my safety, I charged in to stop him. I stuck my left arm out to take his Bite. Now, I've taken beatings before, and been swallowed whole twice (don't ask), but this was something else. However, it gave me an opening. Taking full advantage as he watched me, I swung my sword up, decapitating him and ending the terror for good. His corpse fell backwards, spouting blood like a fountain.

"Rot in Hell, you bastard. And may your victims rest in peace."

I looked down at my arm, where his head was clamped on.

"Ugh, this is gonna be fun," I muttered sarcastically.

* * *

_Jesus, it's like a steel trap!_

No matter what I tried, I couldn't get him to let go.

"Mike?"

"Ah, you two are finally up."

"What's that on your arm?"

"Um, that's, uh…"

"Is that Jawx' head?!"

"Yeah, and it's grown attached to me, so help me get it off, PLEASE!"

Blaziken came over and pulled on the lower jaw, I the upper. Even with her helping, it didn't budge.

"Well, that settles it. I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life."

"Can't you just cut your arm off?"

"And lose a perfectly good hand? Are you nuts?" I leaned towards Luxray, whispering, "No offense to your friend, but I think she's a featherbrain."

_Huh, I feel lighter._

"As I was saying, I-EEEEEE!"

_That explains it._

"My arm!" I yelled, getting hysterical. "You cut off my arm, you fricking—"

She slapped me in the face.

"I needed that."

She slapped me again.

"I needed that, too."

She punched me in the face.

"Now you're just pushing it!"

"Oh, can it. You can just grow it back, right?"

"…Wish you reminded me sooner. Now, you have to reach into my left-side pocket for the vial."

"Why me?"

I shoved my stump in her face.

"All right, all right," Blaziken said, pushing my stump away. "Don't get any ideas, now."

"Me? Ideas? Have we met?"

Suspicion on her face, the avian walked around me and dug her talons in my side pocket, from which she procured the vial and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I conveyed, unstopping it with my teeth and drinking the honey-colored liquid. Looks are deceiving, as the medicine tasted like skunk spray smells.

"Blecch, forgot how bad it tasted. Although, the next part's just as bad."

"Next part?"

I fell to my knees, gripping around the open wound.

"Breath, just breath," I told myself in between gasps.

It throbbed, like your head after a few drinks.

_Ooh, this will hurt _**BIG**_ time._

First, the bone bubbled outwards, followed by the muscle tissue and arteries, then the skin, until my arm was good as new, all the while, feeling like fresh acid was poured all over me.

"Whew, haven't been like this in a _long_ time."

I stood up, wiggling it around to test its responsiveness.

"How bad was it?" Blaziken asked.

"Hmm…"

I flicked her on the forehead with my left hand.

"Ow!"

"Like that."

"No, it wasn't!"

"You're right, it was more like this."

I double-flicked her.

"Cut that out!"

"What do you say?"

"Please."

"Okay. Now, I'm going home. See you around." I walked away from the pair and the body. Gotta remember to bury him tomorrow.

An hour of hiking later, I reached the truck and a familiar sight.

"Is it wrong to assume you two have become my stalkers now?" I queried.

"Probably not," Luxray answered.

The duo, obviously, made it here before me. Blaziken was leaning against the jeep, while Luxray had laid down on the hood.

"Is there something you want?"

"We want to go home," the fowl declared.

"What, across the lake?"

"No."

"…With me?"

"Mm-hmm," they replied.

"Let's be honest, you don't want to live with me. I have gas problems, I'm a menace to society. I should be in an asylum, for cripes' sake!"

The hen walked up to me as I chattered away, then threw her arms around me and buried her face in my shoulder. I hadn't paid it much mind, but she and I are the same height.

"Just let us be near you, until then? Please?"

I heard purring from my other side. The feline was rubbing herself against me like a pet cat, one that came up to my belly and can see through solid objects. She looked up at me, her golden eyes softening me up.

"Alright, you two can stay," I conceded.

"YAY!" They jumped for joy.

_Oy, what did I do now?_

Ignoring their display of excitement, I went over and pulled the dead Sawsbuck to the side of the road. Guess I got digging to do, unless the Mandibuzz get to it.

"I'm warning you now," I stated, opening the door for Blaziken, while Luxray hopped in the bed. "There may be some half-naked women when we get there."

She got in the passenger's seat. "Friends of yours?"

I closed the door. "Rai's, actually."

As I got in the driver's side, I explained, "Rai's a sex fiend, so watch yourselves.

"Understood."

We drove off, heading for home.

_A Nidoking, a Feraligatr, what's next? Well, long as they don't hurt my family or innocent people, they ain't got a beef with me._

**So, how was it? Remember to read and review, because I KNOW I need improvement. Also, thank you GamerGirl54321, Burn Shadow, windiershark and Ten-X Legacy for favoriting and alerting my story. I hope you and all my readers continue to show me your support, and that I can meet your expectations. Don't be afraid to pm me for anything at all, and bear with me, for I know I'll make you proud. This is Mike, signing out.**


	4. Unwanted Guest

**(Hello, everyone! So my laptop is now a split-screen. Guess that's what I get for buying refurbished. Anyway, I got a job at Dollar General, but it's only once or twice a week. Not only that, I got charged on my bank card for NOTHING! My problem, though, so forget it. Enjoy!)**

"And never come back!"

A door was slammed in my face.

"What was that about?" Rai asked, sitting on my shoulder.

Me, Rai and Luke were in town. I went to get some things, and the brothers from another mother joined me. The first shop we came to, however, they kicked us out.

"I have no idea," I said.

"Somehow, I think it has to do with Rai," Luke commented.

"What does that mean?"

"You pretty much do anything in a skirt. You probably did his wife and don't even know it," I remarked.

"I may be a player, but there's no excuse for violating the sanctity of marriage. It would be destroying something beautiful, like the sun just as it passes the peak of Mt. Coronet at dawn."

"That's actually noble of you," Luke said.

"Oh, I know! He's Mary's dad, and Vicky's son."

"Just when I started to respect you," I stated, walking away from the store.

"C'mon, Mike, you really don't need candles, do you?"

"I just want to do this date thing right, is that too much to ask?"

"Whether it is a gourmet meal or a simple dish, going out or staying in, exciting or relaxing, all of it is irrelevant in the face of one fact," Luke explained.

"I know, Luke: as long as we're together."

"Then why are you wigging out?" Rai asked.

"…Heart deserves to be treated well, and I will do just that. It's the least I can do."

"Can I say something?"

"You'd say it anyway, so…"

"I feel sorry for you."

I stopped in my tracks, surprised by his words. "Pardon?"

"I understand why, but you're always so hard on yourself. So you did bad things, everybody has at some point. I don't know how things work with Americans, but the people here have forgiven you, except for that guy, but that's on me, I guess." He sighed. "What I'm trying to say is, can't you?"

I heard growling nearby. "Dagnabbit, stomach! You already had a granola bar, what more do you want?"

"I don't think that was you, Dad."

A shadow loomed overhead, becoming smaller and more distinct as it circled down. When it was low enough, I saw the flame on its tail, but really didn't want to deal with its passenger. The large, winged reptilian landed a few feet in front of us, where the young man dismounted. The guy had a slim build, with brown hair and eyes. He wore a red-and-white baseball tee with black sleeves, a pair of tennis shoes, jeans and a cap with the Pokémon League logo.

"Hello, good to see you, Mike," he said cheerfully, a gentle smile on his face.

"Hello, Red," I replied drolly.

Yep, the World Champion himself. We met in Viridian City, after Heart evolved into a Roserade. I can't remember much, but I know he was involved, as the police told me he was the one that turned me in. Not to say I didn't deserve it, but ever since then, I _really_ disliked the fella. We crossed paths once or twice more, thanks to Team Rocket, but that was it.

"We'll see you at the house, Dad," Luke told me.

_Guess my animosity is too much._

"Right."

As I stared at Red, I felt Rai hop off my shoulder.

"So, how've you been?"

"Fine, I guess."

"Your team doing well, I hope?"

"Red, no offense, but you have about ten seconds to tell me why you're here, before I add Gecko there to my culinary repertoire."

The pseudo dragon ducked behind him.

"Sorry, but this diet/fasting thing to getting to me in the wrong way."

Red pulled a Pokéball from his yellow backpack and recalled the blazing-orange Pokémon.

"You're dieting? Good for you." He patted my shoulder.

"I guess. Now again, why are you here?"

"I, Red S. T., personally request that you attend an event I am holding, in honor of the men and women that risk their lives every day in the name of the law."

"You're out of your mind, you really are," I told him, walking away.

"So you were lying about wanting redemption, when we met?"

That stopped me in my tracks. It also made me go back and grab him by the front of his shirt.

"I am not a liar," I enunciated.

He was unfazed. "Then show me. Come to my benefit. Who knows, you might enjoy yourself."

"Give one good reason not to end you, right now."

"It's not in your nature. Time and time again, you forced yourself to believe that you're a monster, in order to do the things you did."

_What?_

"I know you, and I believe in you. I wouldn't be talking to you, if I didn't."

My grip loosened, letting my arms fall to my sides.

"Why, when others do, can you not believe in yourself?"

While I stood there, he went past me, where a dragon's roar echoed, signaling his departure.

* * *

I snuck around to the back of my house, hoping to delay the inevitable. I climbed up the side to the attic. I squirmed through the window, my gut hindering me, and plopped down onto my back. There, I saw Kong, Heart and the rest looking down at me.

"Aah, crap."

They carried me like they were disposing of a dead body. Down the halls, we went. They finally dropped me onto the couch in the living room.

_I completely forgot how SOFT this couch is._

"So, what did Red want?" Rai asked, hopping onto my chest.

"The World Champion?" Blaziken queried.

"You meet people," I said. "Anyway, he said he personally invited me to this benefit."

"What's a benefit?" Boss asked.

"Is this what you mean?" Heart was holding an envelope stamped with the League insignia. "This came in the mail. Red delivered it himself."

Sitting upright with Rai tumbling off me, I took the letter and opened it up. The contents read:

This letter proves you have been cordially invited to the 1ST Annual Sinnoh Police Department Benefit, hosted and sponsored by Satoshi "**Red**" Tajiri.

The event pays tribute to those who gave their lives in the pursuit of justice, and those who continue to do so.

RVSP by May 4th.

117 Main St. Jubilife City

May 10th from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.

"Whoo-hoo! Party!" the chunky mouse cheered.

"Wait, there's more," I interjected.

Note: no Pokémon allowed, to prevent damages.

"What?! That ain't right," he complained.

"That's only a few weeks away," Luke stated.

"If I decide to go."

"Why not?" Kong sat upside down on the other end. "You should have a little fun every once in a while. Won't kill ya."

"Not when Red's involved. Something about him rubs me the wrong way."

_Doubt it's the name, although Satoshi Tajiri rings a bell._

"Alright, Dad, I want you to do me a favor."

"Anything."

"I want you to go and have fun," the jackal requested.

"I got a better suggestion. How about I swim out to the middle of the ocean, and do battle with a giant Tentacruel? Least I know what to expect there."

"Mike!" they all yelled at the same time.

"Okay, I get it," I groaned.

"Mike…"

Heart stood in front of me, a flattered expression on her face.

"What's the face for?"

"You don't owe anything to us. You've done plenty. Now, it's your turn."

"You really want me to go?"

"Don't stay out too late."

I stood up, letting her loveliness and kindness sink in. I held her close to me, her head against my chest.

"As you wish, my fragrant bouquet."

"Now that everything's settled, can we eat now?" Boss asked.

After a hearty meal of lasagna and garlic bread, I cleared the table and went to work on the dishes. Takes a half-hour to finish, but it feels good to do something helpful.

"So?" I heard Blaziken inquire.

"So what?"

"So what are our names?"

"Pardon?"

"Well, everyone else has a name. Why not us?"

I finished up and turned to her. It was just the two of us, no Luxray in sight.

"The names are a human thing, to make personal connections. I've told them, just as I'm telling you, if they don't want nicknames or they want a different name, to let me know. They're family first, and team last. That goes for you, too."

"Thanks."

"So, you want a name? What about your pal?"

The avian shrugged. "She's fine with whatever."

"Right. Oh, that reminds me. Follow me, please?"

I walked out of the kitchen and up to their room. Since the duo started living here, I put them in the same room they recovered in.

"Alright, where is it?" I mumbled to myself

Going in the closet, I found an old chest. Maneuvering it around was troublesome, especially when I tried to do it on my own. Eventually, I succeeded.

"Oie, I need a different shape," I panted, slouched over the trunk.

"What's in there?" the lioness queried, lying down on her bed.

"Give me a minute."

_Stupid high blood pressure._

Taking my time while it settled down, I opened the trunk and rummaged through the contents. I got the right one, as everything inside was women's clothing. Don't get any ideas: almost all of the crap in this place was already here when I got it.

"Here." I tossed an assortment of delicates onto her bed. "Try those on, see if they fit."

"What for?"

"No offense meant, but you have no idea how hard it is to be around someone of your… appearance."

"If you don't want to see me naked, then look away."

"It's a bit difficult for me to do that."

"Why?"

"I'm a guy."

She smirked. "I turn you on, big guy?"

"Just try 'em on, please."

Still smug from her teasing, she sauntered, purposely, to her bed. Weird thing was, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Slightly drooling, I shook my head, regaining my composure and continuing to rummage.

_Get a grip, Mike! You can't let yourself be seduced by her curvaceous figure, or her ample bosom, or her… slender legs, rising up to luscious, firm buttock—AAAH! STOP FANTASIZING!_

Violently twisting my noggin, I finally picked out a long beige skirt and blue shirt.

"This should do."

"Um, Mike?"

The avian was having trouble putting on a red, yellow and green bra, while wearing matching panties. I went over to see what I could do.

"Lemme know if it gets too tight."

I tried to hook it on, but no luck.

"Ugh, it's a B-cup."

"A what?"

"Humans have a system for bust size, based on measurements. A-cup, or as some guys call it, 'flat chest,' is the smallest and from there, it goes through the alphabet, with doubles or triples."

"What size am I?"

"D, DD, possibly E. Does the bottom pair fit?"

"Actually, they _are_ a little tight."

"Oy."

In the end, we had some clothes put in the closet for her, and she wore tiny black shorts and the blue shirt I found earlier, unbuttoned to show off her cleavage. As for names, I asked that they wait a little longer. If they want names, I gotta do it right.

* * *

The past few weeks, I prepared for the benefit. Even though I didn't want to go, Heart and them convinced me otherwise. I shaved, got my haircut, my body waxed (never doing **that** again), and only yesterday, had some dental work done. Remember, brush at least twice a day and don't forget to floss.

"Cut that out," I slurred, my cheeks still numb from the anesthesia.

I was kneeling by the bathtub, giving Rai a bath using rubber gloves, his head just above the sudsy water, and he thought it'd be fun to poke me where I can't feel.

"Why? You can't tell I'm doing it."

"I can see your tail poking me!" I poked him in his side with my thumb, making him squeak for real.

"OK, OK, geez." He pulled his tail away.

I scrubbed behind his ears, hearing him sigh.

"This is life."

"Do you really want me to go?"

"How many times do we have to say yes?"

"Seventeen."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," Rai repeated.

"I was kidding."

"You do more than enough for people, you know. You deserve to have some fun."

"I guess. Done."

I unstopped the drain, letting the dirty water escape. Rai hopped out and dry himself off like a dog, spraying me.

"Hey!"

He snickered, scurrying away like the rodent he is. I let it slide and started to fill the bath again. I have two more to clean. Once it was full, I brought Luxray in. She got in, no fuss. So much for cats hating water.

"Nothing fazes you, huh?"

"Whatever happens, happens," she replied.

I chuckled and went to work. I took a pitcher, filled it and poured bath water all over her. From there, I applied apple blossom-scented shampoo to the lioness's damp fur.

"Blaziken asked for names, I was wondering how you felt about it."

"I'm cool with it."

"Really?" I poured more water to wash the shampoo out. "Then, if you want, I have a name that I think suits you perfectly."

"What is it?"

"Current. While it's a reference to your type, it mostly refers to the way you take things as they come. You go with the flow, or current, as I put it. What do you think?"

"I love it!" She jumped at me, licking all over my face and getting me drenched at the same time.

"Alright, alright already!" I exclaimed, pushing her back in. "I'm glad you like it, but you didn't have to get me wet, too."

"My bad."

Draining the tub again, I dried Current off with a heavy towel and brushed her fur. Once she was dry and properly groomed, she walked out, trailing the length of her tail against my chin softly, as if beckoning me to follow.

_Easy, boy. Easy._

One last time, the bath was filled. Blaziken was leaning on the doorframe, wearing a closed purple silk bathrobe and holding one of the strap ends.

_What are you doing to me, plot?_

When she came up to the bath, she tugged on the strap, loosening the robe, and let it fall to the floor as she took it off. I've seen her body before, but never paid much attention to it. As the hen sank into the tub, I noticed two distinct pink spots on her mounds.

_Nipples?! How did I miss that?_

"Ahh, this feels so good!" she moaned exaggeratingly.

"Uh, yeah, I learned from some Breeders that Fire-types can handle baths, as long as the water's piping-hot."

"Oh, they were right!"

"This is gonna be fun," I thought to myself sarcastically.

I began washing her body, showing her how to do it. I was used to hot water, due to other Fire-types, like Maxwell and Kong. I went over her arms, legs, abs, back, shoulders, neck, hands and feet. I reached for the stopper, when she grabbed my wrist.

"You haven't finished washing me."

"You're right. You know what to do, you don't need me."

"But I do."

Holding my hand with a steel grip, Blaziken brought it to her breast. It really felt like my fingers were sinking into a giant marshmallow.

"You treated me, and Current, with kindness, despite how I acted."

"I only did what a decent person should. Doesn't mean you have to do what you're thinking of doing."

"I know, I just want to show how grateful I am."

"There's no need. You're a lovely girl, and others would kill to be in my shoes right now, but I didn't help you for 'gratitude.' I helped you, because it was the right thing to do. May I have my hand back now, please?"

Reluctantly, Blaziken released her hold, allowing me to pull my hand back.

"Thank you, Vulcana."

"What did you call me?"

"You asked for a name before. I based it off of volcano, because that's what comes to mind when I think of you. You're both red, tall, hot in every sense of the word, and a force to be reckoned with. Any good?"

"Very."

"Great, I'll see you later."

I left her to finish up, and once I was in my room, I shut the door and propped myself against it.

"Lord have mercy," I sighed.

There was a knock at my door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, dear."

Finally, a break. Lord Arceus, please let it be a break.

I opened the door. "Come in."

Heart walked in and sat on the bed, looking a bit upset.

"What's the matter, hon?"

"They're in love with you."

"What?"

"You heard me. I knew this would happen, but I just stood by. Well, I won't let them have you!"

Vines sprouted from her bouquet hands and went to grab me. They got nothing but air.

"I make mistakes, so I apologize for them," I said, sitting next to her, while she was stunned by my agility. "I will not, however, apologize for trying to be nice. I don't get why you're acting this way, when I tell you there is no one for me, but you."

"I don't want to lose you, is what I'd like to say," I heard Heart whisper. "The truth is, I don't want you to look at anyone but me, to be with other girls. It might be selfish—"

"To be honest, it's a little down-heartening, how much faith you have in me. I may not be the greatest man alive, but even I deserve a little bit of credit for loyalty. I stuck by Brendan and Jayy all over Hoenn, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, you know me better than I do. Do you honestly believe I'd do that to _you_?"

A tiny smile appeared on her face as she looked up at me. "No."

"Then that settles it," I concluded, raising my hands and letting them drop back down. "Besides, I think they understand they don't stand a chance against you."

She snuggled up to me. "Just don't leave me, okay?"

"You might as well ask Rai to stop boning and Luke to take it easy, and we both know none of that will ever happen."

"I know."

"I'll admit, I was tempted, but through sheer willpower, I controlled my urge to tap that."

"Are you sure it wasn't me?"

"…Am I _that_ easy to read?"

* * *

Before I knew it, it was a quarter to five. I put on a marigold t-shirt with four B's interlinked together, and camo cargo pants. You can never have enough pockets.

"Alright, you have my cell number?" I asked Luke, as we walked to the living room together.

"Yes, Dad."

"You have enough food for dinner?

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"How sure are you?"

"Enough to know you're stalling, Dad," he said.

We reached the front door. "Do I really have to go?"

"You need to get out of the house for once."

"I go out all the time!"

"Not to have fun."

Someone knocked on the door. I opened it, no one was there. I stepped out, thinking I could spot the runner, when the door shut and locked behind me.

_Can't believe I fell for that._

Seeing how futile resistance was, I was left with no other choice. I walked to the truck, got in, and drove on to Route 202.

Jubilife City, easily the liveliest city in all of Sinnoh, Veilstone and Hearthome trailing behind. This is the place to be, if you have an insatiable urge to party. You might say it's like New York, but that's overstating it. The buildings here are, for the most part, much taller than my abode. The neon signs of the clubs were very colorful, and almost blinded me, even though nighttime had yet to come. Best part was being stuck in traffic, no thanks to the PokéNav.

"Ugh, blasted city people. Can never find a parking spot, and when I do, it'll cost like three bucks an hour."

"In a half-mile, make a right," a fairly feminine automated voice directed.

"I know, shut up!"

Damn thing's been repeating that for the past twenty minutes. I swear to Arceus, if it says it one more time…

"…"

Thank you.

"In a half-mile, make a right."

Never knew it was possible to break a horn. Guess it is, if you bang your head enough times.

Eventually, I found a spot in front of the TV station, cost me twelve bucks for four hours, not that bad. I still had to find the frickin' place. Can't use the Nav, since it had a mysterious malfunction and broke in half on the sidewalk. Just follow the numbers, I assumed.

"One-oh-eight… One-oh-nine…"

"Excuse me, Mike." I heard behind me.

I turned around to lay my eyes on a green-haired beauty in a chocolate dress. When I realized who it was, my jaw dropped.

"Jennifer?!"

Officer Jenny was all dressed up with her hair down and a bulky tan purse.

"Surprised?"

I regained the little composure I had. "Close. That purse is a little **big**, don't you think?"

"It had to be for this," she said, pulling out a set of clothes from the bag.

"You gotta be joking, please tell me you're joking!"

She shrugged. "Sorry, Mike," she apologized. I don't think she meant it.

A few minutes later, we reached this modern convention center, where a lobby sign told us the shindig was taking place on the sixth floor.

"Why did it have to be formal?" I whined. I just got out of the lavatory, where I had changed into the fancy gray suit and tie Jennifer had brought. She said it belonged to her grandfather, who shared my love of food, so it fit me perfectly, to my surprise. Could've done without the thirty-six buttons everywhere. "Bad enough I can't wear shorts. I have to look like a 19th-century pimp, to boot?"

"Well, I believe you look dapper."

"I know a good optometrist, if you need one."

She scoffed, making for the elevator.

"Sorry, I feel slimy in this getup," I told her, following her. "Don't be shocked when I get recruited into the government."

"You?" She pressed the button to bring the elevator down.

"Weirder things **have** happened."

We stepped in once the doors opened.

"Nice tie job, by the way."

"Not the first fancy thing I went to."

We fell silent, as that blasted waiting music played.

_Sure was nice of her to loan me the suit, even just for tonight. Wonder why she had it? Not really important, though. I do owe her, for keeping me out of major trouble._

"Did Red invite you?"

That remark surprised me. No reason to lie about it. "…Whether I liked it or not."

"I'm glad you came. At least I know someone."

"Sure."

The doors opened. The ballroom was pretty extravagant, with ten-foot windows at the other end and half a dozen large round tables in between dressed with the League logo, its members chatting away. None of the Elite Four members were there, and Red appeared to be the only Champion present. I had been duped. It wasn't formal.

_Dammit, Jennifer!_

"Ah, you're here. Overly dressed, but here," Red greeted us as we walked out.

"Jennifer misled me about the dress code."

"I assumed it was formal."

"As nice as dressing up would have been, I was never comfortable in a suit," Red said.

"My thoughts exactly." With a trick I learned from a friend, the suit was off in an instant, my previous attire back on. I neatly folded it, but I think I did something to upset the lady, as she stormed away before I could give it back.

"I'm surprised you came," Red said, leading me to an empty seat, where he sat down in one next to it.

"Well, I got kicked out for the night," I explained, sitting down beside him.

"Nonetheless, you're here. Just in time for catering."

A small group of people walked in along the far side of the room, carrying chaffers and pans of food, their aroma wafting over and filling my nostrils.

"Hope you enjoy the party."

* * *

After I got a plate of chicken Maltese and pierogis, I stacked them on top of one another, making a rough-looking tower, similar to the Prism Tower in Lumiose City. I was almost finished, when someone banged on the table, bringing my structure crashing down.

"BAHH!" I exclaimed.

A stout man in a flashy cowboy suit was laughing heartily across from me, sitting in between a stern young girl with pink hair and eyes, and a woman in a sparkling, violet dress who looked a little uncomfortable. A shirtless, dark-skinned man wearing swimming goggles around his neck and blue pants was conversing with an orange-and-black haired girl about environmental stuff, while a green-eyed kid who I mistook as a server was savoring his filet mignon. A young lady with pigtails wearing a white dress shirt and beige skirt was engrossed in grading papers, her blue cardigan draped over her chair. Separating her from me, a blonde dude in a blue jacket with three large golden studs on each arm sat, watching the other people.

"Nice surprise, seeing you here, man," I said, popping a pierogi into my mouth.

"Same could be said for you," he replied.

I swallowed. "Rai and them locked me out."

"Why?"

"Why, indeed…"

"Candice thinks it's because you don't know how to have fun," Candice commented.

"It's not my fault Rai's idea of 'fun' is something he calls 'feminine spelunking.' And for the record, I do have fun."

"Sure."

"I don't have to justify myself. What's with the suits, though?"

At the table farthest from us, where Jennifer was sitting, a bunch of pompous-looking guys were gathered. Among them, a certain redhead officer was enjoying himself. I ducked down, my head on the table.

"What's with you now?" Volkner asked.

"The fire-haired guy over here, I can't let him see me."

"Why not?"

"Not exactly on good terms with him."

"Sir?"

"BAHH!" I yelled in shock, falling backwards in my chair.

A man with a long shallow bowl in his hands towered over me.

"Donation, sir?"

My ticker slowing down, I got up and pulled out my checkbook. I wrote a random number and put the check in the bowl. As he went away, his eyes were on the verging of popping out of his head.

"What did you write down?"

I sat back down. "A pretty big number, I assume."

"Mike!"

"BAHH!" I fell over again.

_Great. The one person I wanted to avoid._

"The hell you doing here, arse?" Doyer asked, his words doused in a not-so-subtle Scottish accent.

The thirty-something man towered over me, even when I stood up, and you could tell he lifts, even though his suit did its best to hide his bulk.

"I was invited," I said, setting my seat right. "You, on the other hand, had to kiss ass to be here."

"Watch your tongue, boyo, before something happens to it."

"Says the dude with the brown tongue."

"You disrespectful—"

"A man must give respect, in order to receive it. Didn't you learn that the last time, after you sprayed me with Stunky extract?"

_It's true. He soaked me with a water gun full of it, which caused the graphic anal violation with a wooden oar. Took me a week to get rid of the stench._

He looked like he was ready to deck me one, but fortunately, for one of us, Red came over and intervened, saying, "Mike, I want to introduce you to someone. Will you come with me now?"

"Good song." I stood up, thinking I'd be asked to leave, only I didn't. He brought me to a table by the suits, where all of the Kalos leaders were sitting. I recognized all of them from descriptions given to me by other Trainers, all except one. The young woman with her arms folded, feet on the table and eyes closed looked straight out of a heavy metal/rave party, her long carmine hair highlighted with cyan and harlequin, dressed with acid green and charcoal rave pants, dark tank top with "Rushin' Russian" written on the front, and a mesh undershirt. Hung over her chair was a long, black cylinder case.

"Tessa," Red sung. "Tessa, wake up. I want to introduce you to someone."

_Something's gonna happen, I just know it._

Next thing I know, the whole world's upside down.

"Didn't anybody tell ya you ain't supposed to disturb a gal's beauty rest?! Jeez!" she shouted quite rudely, holding an aluminum bat.

"Talk about first impressions," I quipped, sitting on my head. "No offense, but was that really necessary?"

"What would you do if I woke you up?!"

The rest of me sprung onto the floor. "I once slept through firecrackers, in a bucket, in my room. I highly doubt you could rouse this bear from his hibernation." I rocked myself to my feet. "I'm gonna get going. Thanks for inviting me, Red." I strolled towards the elevator, telling Red, "I had fun, but Death seems keen on taking me tonight, either by fright or by bat."

After saying farewell to the two strongest Sinnoh Leaders, I headed out. The elevator doors opened, letting loose a wild-looking man. He wore a chestnut-brown rawhide jacket with a beige ring on the stomach and fringe trailing over the shoulders, and pants of a similar material. His rugged face looked determined as he scowled; what for, I didn't know. I went to go around him, he went the same way. I go the other way, same way.

"Which way you going, mate?"

He was silent.

"You listening?"

"Are you Mike?" the man asked, in a growling undertone.

"What?"

"Are you Mike Hogrelius?"

"Yeah, why?"

He slammed a fist in my gut with enough force to knock me off my feet, before grabbing my leg and flinging me up in the air. When I came down, I felt him kick me, propelling me across the room. He must've been really strong, if I could break a window designed to take a head-on collision from a sedan. I grabbed onto the ledge for dear life, while I heard screaming inside.

_Dagnabbit! What is he? !_

I was suddenly hoisted up by the arm, feet dangling in the midair.

"This is the end for you," the assailant said.

"People have told me that so much, I could write a book on all the ways they tried to off me. I doubt you'll be the one that kills me."

"Why's that?" He grinned, showing me his pointed teeth.

"It has nothing to do, with strength, or speed, or intellect. It makes no difference concerning tactics, abilities, weapons, not even the reasons behind the conflict. The deciding factor is our will, our resolve. Yours is pitiful."

He snarled. Guess he didn't take it the way I hoped.

"Ah, crap," was the last thing I remember, then a burly fist.

**(A/N: This part will be done in third person, until a certain point.)**

The unkempt stranger threw the unconscious man towards the other side of the street, where he landed on a jeep. It crumpled like paper upon impact, its alarm blaring out in the night. The chubby laid motionless on the dented roof, his schnoz bent and bleeding. To the stranger, it was obvious he wouldn't be going anywhere.

_That's my end of the deal, God,_ he thought._ Now for the bastard son._

He turned around and slowly walked to the crowd, his footsteps echoing throughout the room, while the people standing on either side after Mike went flying, did so in fear for their lives.

"LISTEN UP!" he roared. "All of you will not, without a doubt, leave this place alive."

"Why?" Red asked.

He was the only one standing in the center, yet he was afraid like the others. He wouldn't let it show, he needed his guests to have faith in him, to believe everything would be alright.

"For decades, possibly even centuries," the man started, still advancing, "my people have been oppressed by the League, captured and pushed to the brink of exhaustion, on the battlefield, and in recent years, in your bed. We are not objects for your amusement nor your desires. I am here to put humans in their rightful place."

"By destroying the League?"

The man stopped within fifteen feet of the Champion. "And anyone who resists."

"If this is indeed the end, then might I learn my killer's name?"

"Ursaring," he said proudly.

Red was a little surprised. "Excuse me?"

Ursaring lifted his arms and stared at his hands. "It's odd, the way your whole life can change in a single moment. When God granted me this power—"

"God? You mean Arceus?"

The wild man clenched his hands into fists, angry that a man would dare use his Lord's name in vain. He managed to contain his anger, knowing humans would be put in their place tonight, and let his arms fall to his sides.

"He did so, with the request of disposing of a certain character."

"Mike? What for?"

"God works in ways we do not comprehend. Such as this…"

The man began to grow, his clothing changing to fur, his hands and feet becoming paws with razor-sharp digits. The change stopped as suddenly as it started, a large bear on its hind legs standing where the assailant stood.

"A Gijinka..," Red muttered breathlessly.

In his travels, he had met Legendary Pokémon that had taken human form, to avoid capture. This was the first time he saw a non-Legendary assume such a shape. Did Arceus, God, truly bestow such might upon a homicidal creature?

"I hope you're not planning to resist," Ursaring said, shifting back to human form. "I don't have to tell you what I'm capable of, Red."

Red was about to reply, when he noticed Tessa sneaking up on the grizzly man with her bat. He decided to make sure Ursaring had all his attention on him. "Just to be clear, what _are_ you capable of?"

"This." Just as Tessa was about to take a swing, the Gijinka swept her feet out from under her. Her bat rolled away, as the bear man pinned her down under his foot. As she was stuck, she could only glared up at him.

"Such fire in your eyes. I almost wish you were on my side, almost."

With the palm of his outstretched hand facing the girl, a light-blue orb the size of a baseball was conjured in the center of it.

"She's not in the League, you have no reason to kill her!" he pleaded.

"I said, anyone who resists."

"Cowabunga!" a voiced cried with glee.

"What the—MMFH!"

Ursaring received a faceful of flying blubber that flew from the direction of the window. It knocked him down and rolled towards Red, stopping at his feet.

"Hi, Red," Mike greeted, a duffel bag beside him.

**(Time to shift back to 1****ST****)**

"You're alive?!" he exclaimed.

"Yepper, skipper," I responded, hopping back up with the bag hanging off my shoulder. "You can't kill someone that doesn't know how to die. That's common knowledge."

"What?"

"I hit my head pretty hard when I landed, knocked something loose."

"You…"

The big guy got to his feet. "How are you alive?"

"I told you, people have tried to kill me so much, especially that way, it's almost like I'm immune. Not immortal, mind you, but—"

"You freak," he snarled.

"So what if I am? I'm not the one asking for handouts, I earned my strength. People taught me things, I put in the effort. I didn't pray like you, I worked hard. Everyone here worked just as hard, even harder, to get where they are now, so don't you even _think_ of us humans as weak. Because if you do, I'll prove you wrong."

He chuckled. "Alright, how about a little bout then, for the sake of the League?"

I looked back at Red and asked quietly, "Can you get everyone out the back door at the bottom of the stairs? And have the Jubilife division on standby?"

"You're not serious?"

"You said before, you believe in me. Now's the time to prove it."

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he did the smart thing and kept his mouth shut.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have someone to prove wrong."

I stood face-to-face with Ursaring, and waited while the people quickly evacuated. The instant they left, we began. I swung down a battle-axe I had pulled from my bag. He sidestepped it, and he broke the head off with his hand when it buried itself in the ground.

"Should've pulled out a gun," he commented, his muscles expanding quite a bit, thanks to Bulk-Up.

"Guns are about as useful as snails in close-quarters, so no thanks," I reasoned. "Blades are more suited, and I like the different shapes and styles they have."

I drew three knives, two pocket knives in one hand poking out from between my fingers, and a twelve-inch hunter in the other. In response, his nails grew a couple inches and glowed a steely gray. We clashed, again and again, neither of us letting up. Sparks flew, and my blades remained strong under the feral intensity of the bear's onslaught.

"You certainly proved your power, but it's not enough!"

"If you have time to talk, then you're not fighting seriously!"

I severely damaged his right hand, destroying my switchblades to do so. He cried out in pain, cradling his hand while he backed away.

"Resolve is focus, the ability to visualize and achieve your goals. When I said yours was pitiful, I meant that you let your vanity, your pride got the best of you, keeping you from focusing."

"You bastard...!"

"It's your own fault, mate," I told him. I replaced my hunter with a simple neon yellow work-glove that I put on my right hand and dropped the bag.

"What is that now?"

"The only thing I need to end this."

"You smug son of a—"

I punched the floor, a crack slithering towards, then around the mutant. It encircled the section underneath, forcing it to break away, accompanied by him.

"AAAHH!"

After he fell, I walked to the hole and peered through it.

"DAYUM!" I exclaimed.

He went through _five_ floors and was lying in the lobby.

"Note to self: ask for repair bill, and lock the glove away, unless I need to blow shit up." I snickered.

Using my new shortcut, I made my descent, floor by floor. When I reached the ground level, Ursaring was nowhere to be seen.

_What is he made of? At any rate, he's still here._

"Oy, I know you're hiding. Is this how you intend to win?"

"No, this is."

I whipped around, only to take a Focus Blast head-on. I slid across the polished tiles, my body feeling a mix of burning and numbness. While I moaned and groaned, the Gijinka was walking around me, looking pleased with himself.

"Hmph, you gave me quite a challenge. You may be right about your kind, but I will still end their tyranny."

"I won't deny that we have bad eggs, but we have good ones, too. Pokémon are the same."

"Don't compare your people to mine."

"People is a word used to describe the majority. I believe it really refers to those who feel pain, sorrow, remorse. People are those with hearts, who understand one another. If we didn't, would things be the way they are now? Seems like you're no person if you don't understand, which by my definition, makes you a monster."

He had stopped about halfway through, and had conjured another ball by the time I was finished speaking.

"You're one to talk, Massacre Maniac. God told me about you, about the lives you ruined. Hamilton, West Chester, Chernobyl. If I let you live, the same thing will happen, possibly to other Pokémon. To protect them, I will eliminate all threats."

"I admire your dedication, and I agree. That, however, would make my family sad, especially her.

"I didn't want to be here, but they insisted. They wanted me to have fun, and oddly enough, I did, even with Red around. I don't really hate him, but something about him gnaws at me."

I reached for the pale-blue orb and wrapped my hand around it, ignoring the pain it caused even through the glove. "That's my problem, though. Yours is me."

I crushed it, and quickly rose to his surprise.

"Funky…Monkey…PUNCH!" I shouted out.

I threw my whole body behind my fist, hitting him square in the chest. He flew straight into the back wall, a shockwave knocking away some furniture and a few paintings. He was buried in it, his eyes rolled back into his head. He was definitely down for the count.

"Nighty-night, teddy bear."

* * *

"OW!"

"Hold still, big baby!"

I was outside of the convention center, sitting in the doorway of an ambulance, evading the paramedic's treatment, even with Brawly and Maylene hindering me.

"You need treatment for your wounds, bro," Brawly said.

"They only look bad," I argued. "I'll be fine."

"Bleeding from the shoulder is **not** fine," Maylene disputed. "Now be a man and suck it up."

Guess Ursaring did more damage than I thought, mostly to my shirt. Sure, I was bleeding, but as I told them, it was nothing major. Just a cut or two on the shoulder, nothing to fuss over. They thought otherwise.

"There's no need for this, there really isn't. Nothing more than a paper cut."

I don't who, but someone hit me over the head, and when I became reoriented, my shoulder was cleaned up.

"Mike," Red called. I got out and walked over to him. The officers, headed by Jubilife's Jenny, were loading Ursaring up in an armored truck, bound tightly.

"So that's a Gijinka?" I queried.

"You've seen one before?"

"A drawing online, back home. I also read some things in this guidebook about Poképhilia."

"A guidebook?"

"Pretty extensive one, learned a lot of things. Did you know there are three ways for a Fighting-type to court you?"

"Isn't it the same one that was recalled a few years ago?"

"Sadly, yes. It shall live on, in our hearts."

"You still have one, don't you?"

"I wish. Even with my faulty memory, I still recall a thing or two."

"…Anyway, I wanted to thank you, for saving everybody."

"No big deal. Who's Tessa, by the way?"

"I was hoping you would know, when I introduced you to her."

"She left, too. Man… alright, just hafta wait, I guess."

"Think she'll show up when another Gijinka does?"

"You read my mind."

"Why would Arceus do this, and why involve a foreigner like you?"

"I hate to say this, but all we can do now… is wait," I concluded, watching the armored vehicle drive away. "By the way, I totaled my jeep when I landed on it, so could you give me a ride back home?"

"No," he answered plainly.

I glanced at him. "You suck."

**(So, how was it? Even I have no clue who Tessa is. And the guidebook? A reference to Lord Lucious, who had written and removed it from his profile, though supposedly, he still has access to it and can send a link to other authors who ask. One more thing: if you saw the dialogue mistake near the end of Ch. 1, it's supposed to be "How do you do it?" Thank you for reading, and don't be shy: leave a review. Mike, signing out.)**


	5. Fun Night

**Just over two months since the last update. In my defense, I like video games. Been playing Destiny for the PS3 in that time- among others- and I love it. So similar to GGO, from SAO season two. Also went to my second convention, J1-Con (Thank you, Jason Richardson of J1-Studios). Saw the original Teen Titans and the Crystal Gems from _Steven Universe _(great cosplay), and met Kyle Hebert, the voice of Gohan and Aizen, and got his signature. My two buddies went as Goku and Vegeta, and threw down with some of the best. Bought quite a bit. My money problem has been resolved, but I really need money for my hobby (read my bio). Anyway, enough rambling. Fair warning: it's LEMON TIME! Enjoy!**

"Thanks for the lift, Jenny," I said. "I owe you one."

"Sure," she replied.

After shamelessly begging on my knees, Jenny finally conceded and gave me a lift in her sedan. Wasn't too happy about it, for some reason.

"You still mad about the suit?"

"No."

"Is it the fact that I should be dead now, and I'm not?"

"No."

"Is it that I begged?"

"No."

"Is it the pants?"

The glance she gave me almost seared the rest of my shirt off.

"I'm just trying to find out what I did."

She sighed heavily. "It's not you, it's me."

"So it **was** me. People are always different when I wear pants."

"It's not the pants!" she yelled.

"One more guess?"

"Ugh, fine. You get it wrong, you drop it. Got it?"

"Yep. I guess it has to do with me taking off the suit almost the instant I found out I didn't have to wear it. You gave me it because you felt I needed one; you didn't have to, but you did. So, symbolically, I rejected your kindness."

"Something like that."

"AAH! The suit's back there, and my bag, too."

"Where _did_ you get that?"

"From the wreck that is my jeep, where I had my grappling hook."

"You have a grappling hook?"

"How else could I have climbed back up? Despite what you may have seen, I'm not Goku."

"Were you the one that fought Scar, by any chance?"

"Only because I made a mistake," I said truthfully. "Let's leave it at that."

"How is it no one knew?"

"I could do that all the time, before I came here. Now, it's like certain conditions have to be met, in order for me to use it. Plus, there's a gap in my head."

"That's where intelligence and common sense should be."

I shot her a glare. "Smart-aleck. It's my memory. Three months are missing, give or take a week or so."

"What are you talking about?"

"People have asked me, **you** have asked me, about my past. What I can recall, is bits and pieces scattered about, like a broken window. It's painful, those pieces. That's why I don't talk about it, because it's not whole, and it wouldn't be anything good. It's not that I want to think of myself as bad, just have a hard time remembering the good."

"Basically, your brain is mush," Jennifer concluded.

"More or less."

She pulled up in front of my house.

"See ya, Mike. Get some rest for once."

"I'll do my best."

I got out, and she quietly drove away, to avoid waking my family up.

* * *

Slowly shutting the door behind, I was in the living room. I took my time, as some of my pals are very light sleepers. I was about to go upstairs, when I heard from the kitchen, "Hello, dear."

The only light on was over the oven, yet I could clearly see Heart sitting at the table, with two wooden Oriental-style teacups.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" I asked, walking in. "It's pretty late, y'know."

"I was waiting for you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I assured her, pulling out a chair and sitting down. "Some dude crashed the party, threw a few punches. All taken care of, although Kong might be upset in the morning."

"Why?"

"Dude trashed the Jeep. A metal pancake."

"Oh dear. Well, at least you're not hurt."

"I guess."

She offered me the tea she had made beforehand, which I gladly accepted. Savoring its delicate aroma, I took a sip.

"Soothing," I exhaled.

In my blissful state, I drifted to sleep.

(LEMON)

_So nice…_

My eyes were closed, but I could feel the softness of my bed. Don't know how I got there, I just was.

_So warm, especially my nether region. Wait a minute…_

I opened my eyes, a soft green rump in my face. Looked so adorable, yet sexy at the same time. Looking beneath, I found the source, even though the rump was a dead giveaway. My precious flower had taken all my clothes off, except my goggles, and was busy licking and slurping Little Mike. Yes, I said it. Unlike everyone else with the seven-inch, eight-inch tool, I'm half that at four. Don't mock me.

_Welp, can't let her have all the fun._

I craned my neck a little and gave her guppie-green slit a good, long lick. I heard a cute, little cry.

"'Ello, luv," I said in a British accent.

"You're awake," she said, looking back at me, her vines wrapped around my now-rigid member.

"You weren't expecting me to be?" I queried, in my normal voice.

"I didn't expect you to fall asleep."

"In my defense, it was a rough night." I flipped her over, surprising her, so that we were face-to-face. "I'm awake now, and very aroused."

"I was hoping for that," she replied, a dab of sultriness in her words.

"Oh my…"

Our lips met, then the tongues were invited to the party. Twisting and coiling around each other, it was amazing. I practically tasted her taste buds, which tasted like chamomile. Annnnnd time to breathe.

"Holy shnikes," I panted.

"I know, and it only gets better."

I felt her lower mouth grind back and forth against my girth.

"Do you want me, big boy?" Heart asked seductively, as her leaf leotard and cape slipped off with the aid of her vines.

_She's a B-cup?! Oh, boy._

"Yes," I breathed, trying to keep from bursting.

"Do you want to come?"

"Yes!" My defenses were weakening.

"Do you want to come inside?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"You have to tell me." She halted her motions.

_I can't take this!_

I rose and practically shoved my tongue down her throat, while grabbing her hips and impaling her on my unit. The kiss was to keep her mind off the pain, since her teasing destroyed all chances of self-restraint.

"Sorry," I said, after withdrawing my organ, "but I couldn't hold back. It's my first time, after all."

"It's okay," she assured me. "I'm just so happy, being connected with you. How is it?"

"I never felt like this before, even when I masturbated. It's like silk is wrapped snuggly around me, so warm. And wet, like a hot towel. No matter how I put it, words don't do it justice! What about you?"

"It's harder than rock, and spreading me so wide! Really hot, too."

"…Let me know when you're ready, okay?"

"I am."

"Oh, all right."

Contrary to how I started, I began thrusting gently up into her. Man, it felt even better moving! And from the look on her face and her moaning, she was enjoying it just as much as me. After a few minutes, I picked up the pace. It wasn't long before I felt that unmistakable tightening in my groin.

"Heart, hate to say this, but I—"

"I know. Just like this, finish just like this!" Her leg-like roots clenched my sides, preventing me from pulling out.

"Alright. Better not regret this!"

I sped up once, while simultaneously teasing what resembled nipples, hoping she would climax with me. I could only assume she did, as she squealed. Her womanly cavern had my tool in a Vice-Grip, milking me as my essence traveled deep inside her. It was a good three minutes before I was spent, plopping down on the bed with Heart on top, still linked.

"Did you get off?" I inquired, breathing heavily.

"No," she responded.

I groaned. "Give me a minute."

"No, it's okay."

"I owe you that much."

"Why?"

"Truth be told, I wanted to be romantic. Maybe not tonight, but one night, I wanted to treat you to fancy food, spoil you, before the consummation. Even then, I hoped to get you off before I did."

"I appreciate the thought, but sometimes, things don't go as planned. Like tonight, I hoped to talk you into bed, and before."

"Before? Oh, right." When all this started.

"But…"

She crawled up, disconnecting us, and looked into my eyes.

"…it worked out for the best."

"Yeah," I agreed, touching her cheek as I looked back into hers. "It did."

We shared one last kiss, before we let Cresselia take us to the Dreamworld.

(LEMON END)

* * *

I was in the kitchen wearing a pair of ocean-blue boxer-briefs and my dress shirt, drinking a lot of water. The under-the-sheet stuff was more exhausting than I expected, yet I was raring to go. You ever have that feeling where you're dead-tired, yet have enough energy for a five-mile jog, or something like that? It's weird. Finishing the glass off, I refilled it halfway.

"Whew, I really need to start working out."

If I'm gonna be kicking or tapping ass every week or so, it wouldn't kill me to slim down a bit.

Still though, the Ursaring. Something's telling me it ain't the work of God. It's not really a secret Arceus 'dislikes' humans, particularly us foreigners, but I doubt he'd need a vengeful bear. One of his children, like Giratina or even Keldeo, would suffice. In the back of my mind, I knew someone with that power, but it could wait for another night.

"Couldn't sleep?" I wondered.

"No." Vulcana said.

"Before I turn around, are you decent?"

"Yeah."

I turned around, glass on the counter. "Well, you're wearing something, albeit enticing."

I had no idea there was see-through black lace underwear on the premises. What's next, a wedding dress?

"You like?"

"Depends on how much hurtin' you can take."

"Quite a bit."

"Well, that settles it, I'm going back to bed. Night."

I went past her, when I felt the back of my collar being tugged on.

"You're gonna leave that go?"

_Guess she saw it. Dammit, Little Mike!_

"I'd like to think I'm loyal," I said, a rager pitching a tent downstairs.

"Just once, please? This will be the only time."

"Again, no need to do that. You just wait; someone will come along, who will sweep you off your feet."

"You already did."

"Figure of speech."

I quickly slipped out of my shirt, and almost escaped, until the fowl tackled me to the ground from behind.

"You're tenacious," I groaned.

"Please, I need you!"

"If I were a horndog, which I am deep down, this conversation would've never happened. But, I am committed to Heart, and nothing you say can change my mind."

"I know that. Even if it's just tonight, even if only for a few minutes, I want to be in her place. Please?"

My defenses withered. What am I supposed to do? On the one hand, Blaziken. On the other hand, Blaziken. On the _other_ hand, eternal damnation for cheating on Heart...gonna suffer for this, I just know it.

"Alright, you win," I submitted. "Just be patient with me, okay?"

She pulled me up and pinned me against the counter, one knee up on it, while her talons were on my shoulders as we faced each other.

"You promise?"

"I see only one way this will go down, with or without my cooperation. Plus, I'd be lying if I said this didn't excite me."

"I'm glad," she smiled.

(LEMON 2)

She started to rub her beak against my cheek, then down my neck, her tongue showing her affection by lapping, almost tasting my flesh. It was close to unbearable, the heat rolling off her tongue, but soon, it became more pleasant after I got used to it. My hand somehow found its way onto her breast, while the other rubbed up and down along her back. Tenderly squeezing her breast as Vulcana quietly moaned, my fingers couldn't get enough of the softness, even though the bra prevented direct contact. Sadly, something else needed my undivided attention, something leaking fluids onto my boxers. My digits trailed down the fiery fowl's front, across her abdomen, and slipped beneath her panties to reach her treasure. She gasped when they touched her lower lips, causing her to cease her tongue movements.

"Relax," I told her.

I massaged the labia in a slow circular motion, teasing her clitoris every few seconds. No doubt she was feeling it. Her panting made it obvious.

_I watch a lot of porn, and read some, too. Haven't we all, at some point?_

Thinking I should step it up, I slid my middle finger into her tiny cavern. First thing that came to mind, baking in an oven. Greedy little thing, too; took me past the second knuckle.

"D-d-d-d-d-d!" I fired off when Vulcana had her claw around my pole.

_When did she take off my underwear? _

"How does this feel?" She started stroking it.

"A little rough, but otherwise good," I said.

"Why don't we try _this_?"

She got down on her knees and, with the brassiere still on, sandwiched my member between her mounds. My tongue was hanging out, I was such a horndog.

"Does that feel good?"

Unintelligible babble was all I could muster at this point. Don't judge me.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

Moving up and down, the feeling was similar to what I felt with Heart. The warmth, the snugness, it didn't take long for me to reach my peak. Vulcana, on the other hand, suddenly stopped before I actually reached it.

"Why'd'ja stop?" I moaned.

"If you want to finish…"

She stood up and went over to the table. First went the bra, down on the floor. Then, she shimmied her panties off, shaking her rump as she did. I was growling the whole time, a beastly carnal desire rising in me.

"You have to do it inside," the avian purred, spreading her legs as she bent over the table, looking back at me with lust in her blue eyes. I was in faster than you can say 'Hallelujah!' Again, wouldn't you?

I had at it, succumbing to my animalistic urges. My hands on her hips, I had no idea if she was in pain or bliss with all her shouting, and at the moment, I didn't give a fuck. All that mattered was release as I pounded away with fast and powerful thrusts. Before long, it hit me like a tsunami. I shoved my girth as deep as it would go inside her slit, and let the swimmers loose. It wasn't enduring, like it was with Heart, but it was just as tiring. I laid on top of Vulcana, the two of us out of breath and Lil Mike retreating from her depths.

"A little late to ask," I panted, "but are you okay?"

"That was amazing!" she exclaimed. "But I doubt I'll be walking in the next few minutes or so."

"Yeah, there ain't no chance of me getting upstairs tonight, either. Think I'll crash on the couch. Need anything else?"

"Not now, no. I'll go up when I have feeling in my legs again."

_Should I take pride in that?_

"Gotcha."

(LEMON 2 END)

I picked myself up and put my clothes back on after picking them off the floor. I picked up her lingerie and put them on the chair beside her. For whatever reason, I ran my fingers through her blonde, hair-like feathers. As I did, she looked at me, something warm lying behind her eyes.

"Good-night," I told her, before limping out into the living room, where I flopped onto the couch from behind.

_Lights out._

* * *

I was standing at some foreign beach, wearing nothing but a loincloth. I have no idea how it happened, but I was not in my own body. It was some bodybuilder on steroids, his long, golden hair flowing in the breeze. A little stubble on his chiseled chin, I phased out while he stared out at the horizon, seawater lapping at his feet.

"I was beginning to doubt you," a cold voice said.

The voice belonged to a sickly man wearing a black turtleneck and khakis. The one thing that truly stood out about him was the veins on the side of his face, dark as night.

The big guy turned to him, and said in a deep booming voice, "As was I. Not anymore."

"Good to hear." The sick one began to walk towards him. "You won't regret this. In fact, you'll feel a sense of belonging unlike anything you've known."

Once he was standing before the muscle man, he drew a pocket knife from his back pocket and flipped it open.

"Your left hand," the ill one requested.

The big guy did as he asked, raising his arm like he was going for a handshake. The other one took the knife and cut the man's palm, drawing blood. It looked like he didn't feel it. Then, he cut his own hand. The blood was black in color. What kind of disease did he have? Whatever it was, or the deal they made, they shook on it, forming a blood oath. What happened next, may be a tad too much for squeamish folks. It sure scared me, when the veins in his arm became visible, the dark lifeblood traveling up. Underneath the cool layer of his bulk, was he in pain, dying? Or something worse? When it stopped at the shoulder, the small man asked, "Feeling better?"

"Very," the big man replied in the same cold voice.

"You're next, Mike."

* * *

I awoke with a start. Still nighttime, as the clock on the DVR under the TV read 2:17 A.M.

"The hell was _that_ about?"

_The sicko, though. Do I know him? Do I owe him money? Please tell me he's not into me!_

Despite me wigging out, I fell asleep almost instantly, only to wake up again, via a wet, cold nose.

"Sorry," I heard Current say.

"It's okay," I assured her while putting the couch back on its legs.

_Beware the nose._

"Just, do me a favor: next time you wanna wake me up, just zap me. I'm used to that."

I sat down, and she climbed up with me.

"What's up?"

"I saw you and Vulcana in the kitchen."

_Oh, no._

"How? Oh, right, x-ray vision."

This is one of those canned laughter moments, I swear.

"In my defense, I have a weak will when people are on the verge of crying."

"I could hear."

"Dagnabbit! Who else did?"

"I was the only one up."

I sighed. "And I suppose you want the same thing."

"I'm fine with whatever."

"Fine with whatever," I repeated. "Why?"

"I realized a long time ago that things don't go the way you want," she said. "But I also learned, when an opportunity shows itself, you take it."

"Fair enough. Sadly, my hips are no good right now."

I had hoped that would dissuade her, especially since it was true.

(LEMON 3)

"No problem."

She took ahold of my boxers with her teeth and ripped them completely off.

_Dagnabbit._

The lioness then laid down, her forepaws on my thigh and her muzzle right by my equipment. I could feel her warm breath on my bits. Not long after, she started to lick it. Her tongue was wet and rough, yet felt **incredible**. As she scrubbed all over, blood began to concentrate in my scrotum. When it went full-mast, she surprised me by taking the girth into her mouth, all the way down in one go.

I moaned. "Where did you learn that?"

She didn't response, but just swirled her organ around mine. Between that striking my weak points and her vacuum-like sucking, I blew my load almost immediately. I swear to God, she swallowed every last drop with fervor as I groaned, feeling each burst.

"Seriously," I panted, Current pulling her magic mouth away. "Where did you learn all that?"

She stared at me. "You meet people."

(LEMON 3 END)

The big cat pulled a soft white blanket up to my neck that seemingly came out of nowhere.

"Night, Mike," she said, hopping over the back of the couch and out of sight. Before I fell asleep once again, I had one last thought.

_Plot, what are you doing to me?_

**Well, how was it? Remember to clean up after yourselves. If it lacked luster, I apologize. When I write stuff, I know what I want, but something gets lost in the transition. I tried to re-read some of True Guardian of Chaos' work for reference material, but I kept getting nosebleeds. So dirty... Anyway, thank you for the emoji, windiershark. Hope the rest of you leave a review to help me grow as a writer. Mike, signing out.**


	6. Troubles at Home

**Merry Christmas! Even though it's a few days late. Hope you got what you wanted. Anyway, just a heads-up, but this chapter may be twisted, one way or another. Never mind my OCD. Enjoy!**

"Mike, wake up," a woman ordered

"Hmm, I already paid you, Do'Nam," I mumbled, trying to sleep on the couch, laying on my side.

"Mike."

I snorted myself awake. Looking up, I immediately regretted it.

"How did you get in my house, woman?" I rudely asked the woman in black standing over me, fully awake for once.

"Raikiri let me in," the tall blonde replied, indifferent to my rudeness. She went over to the window and opened the curtains. I flipped over, griping, for I was blinded by the light. Another good tune.

"What time is it?"

"Almost one in the afternoon," she answered.

"In my defense, I had a rough night, so go away," I muttered.

"What?"

"I said I had a rough night, so please leave," I repeated more clearly.

"I need to discuss something with you, so I can't."

Reluctantly, I sat up. That's when I noticed the only thing I was wearing under the blanket was my dress shirt.

_Where are the rest of my clothes?! Furthermore, HOW DID I GET ON THE COUCH?!_

"Can this wait until sometime later today?" I asked, keeping calm.

"I'm afraid not," she said, moving back towards me.

"What are you doing?"

"Luke made lunch, so I'm headed to the kitchen, while you put some clothes on."

"You saw?" I felt so violated.

"Relax, I've seen my share."

_Like that helps!_

I hauled ass up to my room once she was in the kitchen, the blanket wrapped around my waist with one hand holding it up. I quickly got on my outfit, and for some reason, I decided to run back down.

"Afternoon, Dad," Luke greeted me from in front of the stove, watching over a big pot and a tray, after I had literally tumbled down the stairs and stopped in front of the kitchen doorway.

I slowly stood up, and cracked a crick in my neck. "Thanks for the concern," I said sarcastically.

"Not the first time you've fallen the stairs, Dad," the jackal told me, setting down a plate of spareribs with a twice-baked potato to the side.

"Yeah, well, sooner or later, my number will be up," I retorted, walking over and taking the plate.

"But not today."

I sat at the table, across from the lady in the black coat, who was having minestrone with bliss in her gray eye.

"Good stuff, huh?"

"Better than most I've had," she said.

"So, what is this thing you want to discuss?" I asked, biting into a rib.

_Just the right amount of sweetness._

"I need you to look after Garchomp for a week."

"…Kinda short notice, isn't it? Also sounds vaguely like an order."

"I have important business to attend to in Kalos, and I can't bring my team."

"Yet you're leaving with me the one Pokémon that can make a chew toy out of me? I'd rather challenge a swarm of Beedrill with a bull's eye painted on my fat ass."

"Why not wear the bull's eye shirt you have with that, give them more than one target to go after?" Luke quipped.

"My point remains," I finished. "And why just one? Where are the others going to be, a spa?"

"That's not important."

"I think it is, if a killer whale is staying at my house."

"Land-shark."

"My point remains," I repeated.

She dipped her spoon in the soup. "It wasn't my idea."

I raised my eyebrow. "It wasn't?"

"No."

"Who in their right mind suggested that?"

"Who knows?"

"Don't be coy; we both know you're the brains of the operation."

"What operation?"

"I think I rattled my brain when I fell."

"You'll live, Dad," Luke said, sitting down next to me with his own bowl of minestrone.

"Yeah, as a vegetable!"

"More like a side of beef."

"My point remains," I said for the third time.

"So, will you?" she asked.

"Damned if I do, damned if I don't—no truer words have been spoken," I replied, nodding deeply

"He means yes," my son translated.

"Perfect," the woman said, finishing her soup. Standing up, she withdrew a Poké Ball from her coat pocket and placed it before my plate. "See you in a week."

I stared at it, listening to her footsteps through the living room and the door closing as she left.

"Well," Luke started, "this should be fun, right?"

"Who was that woman?"

* * *

"What were you thinking, agreeing to watch Garchomp?!" Rai yelled.

"In my defense, I was not up and running yet," I reasoned.

The whole house was there, standing/sitting around the coffee table in the living room. I was sitting in the middle of the sofa, and starting from my right in a circle, Rai, Vulcana, Slugga, Kong, Boss on the back of the chair Current was sitting in, Luke and Heart on my left. If it wasn't already obvious, we were discussing the situation I got myself in a few hours ago.

"Might I suggest CALLING her?!"

"We tried that already, didn't work," Luke stated.

"I don't see what the problem is," Current said.

"How do I put this?" I pondered out loud.

"She is a complete and utter bitch, that's how you put it!" Boss shrieked.

"…Not the word I'd go with, but yeah, she is."

"And she's Cynthia's?" Vulcana queried.

"Yep."

Yes, Sinnoh Champion Cynthia. I met her when I was in Eterna City for the first time, outside of a building Team Galactic had been using in secret back then, and a few times after. Other than that, no idea why she picked me.

"So what, we put up with her until Cynthia comes back?"

I leaned back, sitting deeper in the cushion. "Pretty much," I yawned.

"Rough night?"

"I can only assume so, since I woke up on the couch with no pants."

"Why did you have no pants?"

"There's a reason I said 'assume.'"

"Did you get into the sauce again?" Kong asked.

"No!" I said, offended. I don't drink. "Although, the fall probably didn't help."

"You're still going on about that, Dad?"

"Maybe," I replied hesitantly.

_Forgot they weren't there._

"Ah, enough of this!" Rai interjected, waving the TV remote in his little paw around. "Let's watch the news, I wanna find out which Gym Leader released a sex tape!"

"Really?"

Ignoring me, he turned the boob tube on, where a certain, persistent teal-haired reporter I knew was on, wrapping up another story.

"… and that's who will be embarrassed for quite some time."

"Aww, I missed it!" he complained.

"There, there," I said, patting his head.

"In other news, there was quite the romp here in Jubilife last night," she continued.

_Uh-oh._

"Based on eyewitness accounts, at 8:43 p.m, a grizzly man assaulted one of the many guests of Red's fundraiser on the sixth floor of Jubilife Convention Center on Main Street. No details have been given about what happened or the victim, but witnesses say it was this person that stopped the criminal's attack. More on this, coming up."

Immediately, I felt everyone's eyes on me.

_Dammit, plot._

* * *

Falling back on my bed, I waited for the ringing in my ears to stop.

"It's not my fault," I grumbled.

_Well, it kinda was. Still no reason to chew my BLOODY EARS OFF!_

My family, after they watched the news, pretty much raped my auricles (ears) about the jeep and the danger and yadda yadda yadda. Once they stopped, I unleashed the dragon-witch and hauled ass. Payback's a literal bitch.

There was a muffled knock on my door. "Dear, may I come in?"

"If you're here to nag me some more, you can do it from there," I snapped.

"I'm not. All of us just-"

"I didn't want to go in the first place, but you guys made me, so really, what happened was your fault."

"I know," Heart agreed, opening the door, "and I'm sorry."

I sighed. "If it makes you feel better, I did have some fun. Saw Volkner and Candice."

"How are they?"

"Pretty good. Still not sure if they're together or not."

"…Is there something else bothering you, dear?"

I sat up and looked at her. "For the life of me, I can't recall anything from after the tea we had."

She walked up to me slowly, an alluring smile upon her lips. "Maybe I can help jog your memory."

"Why am I thinking jogging's not what you have in mind?"

When she was standing in front of me, she closed her eyes, leaned in and kissed me, on the lips. Got my heart fluttering for sure, but not my brain.

She pulled back just as slowly. "Well?"

"I got nothing, except worry for the others that attended the shindig, and fear for what Red has in mind for me. Not only that—"

She stopped me. "Clear your mind. Think of nothing."

_Me, think of nothing?_

I did as I was told. First nothing, then Red as the Devil—which he is!—then the Ursaring Gijinka, Jawx, Scar, those two from my—**OHMYGOD!**

"We had **SEX**! How could I forget something like THAT?!"

My flower tapped my head with one of her vines. "It's cluttered in here."

"Good point. Now, then."

I stood up and walked around Heart, turned away, and in the blink of an eye, I performed the dogeza.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I had sex with Vulcana and Current. I tried to dissuade them, but Vulcana was about to start crying and Current just ripped my boxers off, and I would be lying if I said I hated it! I'm scum of the earth, and I'm SORRY!"

"I already know."

I lifted my head just enough to see her feet. "You… already know?"

She sat on the edge of my bed. "When I talked to them after you left last night, they told me what I mean to you, and I felt safe. At that moment, I knew I would never lose you. So, I told them, if they feel the same way I do, they had my blessing."

I sat up. "Just when I think I got you figured out, you go and do this."

"Do you hate me?"

"Hell, no. However, there is one thing."

"What's that?"

"Between the three of you, how long do you think I'll last? And while you think that over, I'm gonna go take a shower."

I stood up and went to the open door, when vines wrapped around my arms and legs and pulled me back.

_Three days, and that's being generous._

* * *

Groaning in the police station's break room with three empty water jugs, I was sitting at the table against the back wall, resting my head on the hardwood. No rest, whatsoever.

"Vampires finally claim you, Mister Nightlife?" Jenny joked in a serious-like tone, sitting across from me, reading some file.

"I wish," I mumbled. "Maybe then, I wouldn't be so drained."

"This is a long shot in your case, but did you have sex last night?"

"You want the truth?"

"Why not?" She put down the file and gave me her full attention.

I picked myself up. "I had relations last night, the night before, the night before _that_, and the night before _THAT_!" I plopped back down

Lasted three days, barely.

"Well, congratulations," she said, picking the document up. "Hope Heart enjoyed herself."

"All three of them did, very much so."

"…Three?"

"Yep."

My phone started ringing, going 'da-da da-da-ding!' in an escalating tone. I fished my phone out of my suit pocket and flipped it open, putting it to my ear.

"You have reached the voicemail of Mr. Hog," I answered in a droning voice. "Please leave a message after the beep. Beeeep."

"Hilarious, Mike," Rai said sarcastically.

"When did you learn how to use the phone?" I asked, genuinely surprised.

"Kong dialed, not the point! We need you back here now!"

"Who did Garchomp upset this time?"

"Boss, and it ain't pretty! They're tearing through the place like it's made of paper! Whoa!"

I heard a crash, then the line went dead. Closing my phone, I couldn't help but sigh deeply.

"Trouble at home?" Jenny asked, obviously concerned.

"No more so than usual," I answered, struggling to my feet. "Just a little ruckus. I'm taking my lunch break now, see what the hell is happening back there."

"Good luck."

"Really? Not even gonna _offer_ to back me up?"

She smiled at me. "Go get `em, Goku!"

"You don't even know who Goku is!"

"He's a Saiyan, one of the last of an alien race known for their immense might and brutality. When he was just a baby, he was sent to Earth to wipe out its inhabitants, but he had a fall one day that knocked the brutality out of him, somehow making him the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet. As he got older, he fought stronger and stronger opponents, even achieving Super Saiyan form and its three further transformations, while still possessing a pure heart. Recently, he and his enemy-turned-rival Vegeta, who also attained the four stages, had acquired the God form, going from blonde to blue hair. Need I go on?"

As she talked about the strongest fighter I knew, I was surprised by how much she knew about Son Goku. By the time she finished, my eyeballs were on the verge of popping out of my sockets.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Jennifer?"

"Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Crap!"

I high-tailed it out the backdoor and ran straight home, still in my jumpsuit. Gotta remember to apologize to quite a few people I mowed down on the way.

When I got there, I decided to look through one of the windows, see if I could survey any damages. Bad idea, as I took a TV to the face. As I hit the dirt, my schnoz busted, two shadows flew out, the second, larger one taking out most of the wall. It looked a dogfight once they were high in the air, firing of a multitude of long-range attacks.

"Are you all right, dear?" I heard Heart ask.

She and the others were standing there, looking battered and beaten.

"Compared to you? Yeah," I replied, getting up. I noticed a face was missing. "Where's Slugga?"

"Down for the count, early on," Luke informed me.

"Yeah," Rai said. "Garchomp tried to nab some of Boss's treasure, and you know how defensive she gets if someone even looks at it. We tried to knock them out before they got into it, but you see how that turned out."

"Obviously," I stated, looking down at the broken glass and splintered lumber.

There was a loud boom overhead. I yanked my head like a pez dispenser, gazing at a giant cloud of dark smoke, which the Honchkrow dropped out of. I ran towards her, thinking she was too hurt to glide safely to the ground. At the last possible moment, she fluttered into my arms. Her white stained with red, she had taken more damage than I realized.

"What were you thinking, challenging Garchomp?"

"B…bitch needed to smacked so badly," Boss choked out, having trouble breathing.

"Over a few gold pieces?" I questioned.

"It means a lot to me, every… last… bit," she gasped.

"Okay, okay! Just don't talk anymore, please."

"Don't let her get her claws on it, or I'll kill you," was the last thing she said, before she passed out. Not away, out.

I heard something heavy land behind me, then, "Didn't last long, did she?"

"Can't you do anything besides antagonize people?" I asked, looking over my shoulder.

"Why would I?" she retorted, baring a toothy grin.

Setting my friend down, I rose and walked up to the Pokémon. General appearance was that of a two-legged, flying shark with bandages wrapped around her chest, but her abilities were on a completely different level from the rest of her fellow dragons. If I took her on, it wouldn't be like the others. Aside from the typing, she won't get distracted like they were, thanks to Cynthia's training.

_Why me, Cyn, why?_

Once I was standing in front of her, I did the only thing I could think of; I engaged her in a stare down. While it is weird to try and stare down someone a foot taller than yourself, it was the only way. Dragons and pseudo-dragons, such as Gyarados, have a special kind of rule. See, because of their rarity and power, very few trainers have caught a single Dragon-type, much less a gaggle of them, like Lance or Drayden. This naturally gives them a sense of superiority, so you can imagine how they feel if they _are_ caught. And like many other Pokémon, they don't see you as their equal. That's why this method is crucial: it shows them what you're made of. And if you falter in the slightest… well, either way, they see.

"…"

"…"

_Man, I must be out of my mind to do this. Well, in my defense, I haven't slept since… crap, when was the last time I went to sleep? AAGH, bloody women and their carnal urges! Seriously, makes us men looks celibate. Although, the way Heart shook her hips the other night was just…_

"DAD!"

Before I could react, I was hit by a very strong beam attack. Bit fuzzy after that.

* * *

(Luke POV)

_Dad, what were you thinking?_

Garchomp had let loose a Hyper Beam, a Hyper Beam! Dad should've seen that coming, especially that close. But, he took it head-on, and now he's… she's going down.

I fumbled as I hopped out of the hole, shoving my pain deep down. A dark aura began to cloak my arms, three long claws ready to kill. She had seen my intent, her wings taking on a silver color.

"Aww, did the puppy lose his master?"

"RAAAHHH!"

I charged at her. I went for a fake with my left, and she fell for it. I got her with a straight right, but she had blocked it with her wing. She pushed my claw away.

"Don't tell you actually care for that guy? Do you even CARE about the lives he's ruined?"

I jumped over her, cutting into her shoulder. Covering her wound, she glared at me.

"That is not the man I know as my father.

"The Mike I know, isn't the brightest, has a bad memory, easily frustrated, _really_ needs to work on himself… but there's no one else I look up to more."

"Man, that's depressing!"

THWACK!

She went down like an Onyx, Mike standing behind her.

"I found it touching, even if it was mostly insults."

"Sorry."

"Eh, it's the truth. What can you do?"

"How did you survive that?"

"I'm dense," he chuckled.

He started walking towards town. "I'll leave things in your hands, Luke."

"Okay."

"I'm picking up dinner tonight, so don't worry about a thing. Just lie down and rest."

"Your phone got busted, didn't it?"

"Needed a new one, anyhow."

I sighed. _Dad, you have issues._

* * *

(Mike POV)

"Oooh, so sore," I groaned, limping once I was out of Luke's sight.

I'm just lucky she thought I wasn't worth full power. She really needs a pimp-slap to the face, though. If she acts up again, the gloves are coming off... or on. You know what I mean.

After work, I went to the pizzeria across the street and got a few large pies. Think four is enough?

"One meat lover's, one extra cheese, one supreme with no pepperoni, and one pineapple-anchovies-olives mix?" the cashier repeated my order.

"My family has weird tastes," I told him.

"Your order will be ready in twenty-five minutes," he said, handing me my receipt.

Slip in hand, I took the only open seat on the other side. This place does well, even in this small town. Makes great food, but their prices could stand to drop dead. $57.94 for the pizzas! Hope the world is prepared for my kids, I may need to sell some "stuff."

"Sure you should be up and about in your condition?" Jennifer asked.

She invited herself, hasn't told me why.

"My condition?"

"Three days with no break whatsoever, and you almost met Arceus earlier; I have a toe tag at the ready, if need be."

"That's comforting. Really, really… comforting," I said.

"Sorry. You do realize there aren't many people like you, right?"

"I wouldn't jump on that boat so quickly."

"What do you mean?"

"A lot of fat guys out there."

For some reason, she found that funny. "I meant super-powered guys," she chuckled.

"Oh. Plenty of those, too. Just have to know where to look."

"Really?"

"For instance, some rumors I've heard, about someone your pals call the Thrasher? This one, all over the regions, yet no one knows a thing, aside from the rather meek trail of wreckage. Wanna fill me in?"

"First off, they're not really my friends. Just guys I've… briefly acquainted myself with."

My eyebrow twitched. "I know. You told me the grisly details: against my will, might I add."

"Second, you're a civilian- even if you are Superman- so I couldn't tell you, even if I wanted to."

"Superman has no limits, I do."

"You know what I mean."

"Pokémon, no matter how civilized you make them, their instinct remains."

She didn't have a clue what my point was.

"It means I'm still me, regardless of any changes, physical or otherwise."

"… I knew that."

_Sure._

"Order for Mike!"

"Looks like I'm ready. You wanna join me and my family for dinner?" I invited her.

"Yea—no." She got out of the stall and patted my shoulder, walking away. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

I picked up the pizzas and went home. When I got there, I learned Garchomp was still out.

"Wow, really?"

"Really," Kong said.

We were off to the side, while the rest of the gang had at the pies in the kitchen.

"How long you been awake?"

"Ever since I make the mistake of helping the Sinnoh Champ," I admitted.

He turned me around and pushed me up the stairs, much to my surprise.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"You need sleep. If you had kept up on it, the shark wouldn't be such a problem."

"It's not the first time I've been without sleep."

"That's a lie, and you know it!"

"Dammit…"

We got to my room, where he put me to bed.

"There," he chirped, once I was tucked in.

"I could've done this on my own, you know," I said, unable to move under the blanket.

"Knowing you, you would've been up, doing something till dawn. Good night, big man."

Just as he was about to close the door behind him, I had a thought.

"Kong, do you think things will change?"

"That's a given," he stated.

"No, I mean, will I have to fight more and more Pokémon? The bear, somebody made him that way, a Gijinka. What if there are more like him, even stronger? What if I _do_ fight them, and I lose?"

"You're not alone," was the last thing the ape said, before he closed the door.

_I know that, but I can't help it. I worry and panic when things get tough, because I feel I'm on my own. In my own twisted way, this makes feel… independent. When will I ever learn?_

All I could was close my eyes, and wait.

* * *

I had been asleep for nearly a day and a half. My nose was back to normal, possibly due to Luke. I had no dreams, the man in the black turtleneck absent. I wrote him off as a figment of my imagination, ignoring the feeling of déjà vu. Still in my work clothes, I sat up and took out my totally not-busted phone. The time on the screen read 7:17 a.m. Friday morning. The day after tomorrow, Cynthia will take back the bane.

_Speaking of which, wonder what everybody is doing. Obviously, they didn't burn the house, but it's still early._

Getting out of bed and changing into my everyday clothes, I went downstairs through the living room. Everything was back in its place. Even the wall was fixed. This wasn't the first time my house had been trashed. Yet, every time it happens, it's back to normal the next day. Has something to do with a curse, I think. Who cares, as long as I don't have to pay any repair bills.

"Hello? Where my buds at?"

No response. Deciding to check the basement, I went down the two flights of stairs slowly. Falling down these things is becoming a daily thing, and I don't like it one bit. As I descended, I could hear the sounds of combat and grunted. I found everyone, except Boss and Slugga, who were most likely still recovering, watching Luke and Garchomp fight in the ring, most likely finishing what they started.

"Hey, Sleeping Ugly," Rai greeted me as I sat on the bench end, sitting on Kong's lap.

"Shut up," I said. "How long they been at this now?"

"Since five this morning," Kong replied.

"Really? Thought they'd be at it earlier than that."

"She's been acting strange since yesterday," Vulcana said, wearing a crop top and jeans.

"I didn't hit her _that_ bad… I don't think."

"We're not saying you did," the mouse said. "But we're not saying you didn't, either."

"That helps."

"You," I heard Garchomp say, unable to figure out the tone she used.

The dragon and jackal had ceased their bout. It was pretty obvious, much to my chagrin, who she was addressing.

Rubbing my temple, I asked, "What now?"

"We have a score to settle," she answered.

"What score? I lost the stare-down, and that's that."

"Very true. Yet, you defied me."

"… Say anything you want to me. Insult me, persecute me, patronize me. When you do, though, keep this in mind.

"Those that have brought **any** harm to both innocent people and those I hold close, have all paid a price. The price, however, is not always the same. Do I make myself clear?"

"Abundantly," she replied, rolling her eyes.

I stood up and walked over to the mat, putting on the glove I used against Ursaring. Luke got off, but Garchomp stayed, leaning on the ropes looking confident.

"Ready to lose?"

"One sec."

I put my clothed hand on its side, and with one push, I sent the ring near the center of the stadium-sized basement, fifty yards away. Garchomp was hovering overhead, a little shocked by my actions.

"How did you do that?"

"I have my tricks," I told her, taking it off. "On your cue, then?"

She started circling above me, a mass of purple with yellow streaks building around her while gaining speed.

"Starting off big, huh? A little dangerous, given it drains you regardless of a hit-or-miss."

She ignored my warning, and dove with Giga Impact. I jumped out of the way and flopped onto the floor. You'd think I'd be better at landing with all my falls. Didn't end there, though. I don't know how she managed it, but the shark was able to keep going, one Impact after the other. I avoided them, thankfully, but after the fourth or fifth one, I was getting tired. I put the glove back on, poised to receive her next attack. Arm outstretched, I blocked her attack, but the force was pushing me back inch by inch. Then, something happened that shouldn't have come as a surprise, but did: Garchomp collapsed.

"Wow," was the only thing I could say.

"Is she okay?" Luke asked from the bench.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," I replied. "This is what happens when you push yourself too hard, pup. Know your limits and all that jive."

I looked down at her weakened form.

_What am I gonna do with you?_

We brought her up to the ground floor, and by "we," I mean me. As I struggled under her weight, which had misplaced its decimal point, I cursed myself for not leaving her down there.

"Almost there, keep going," Rai encouraging me in a way that sounded like he was making of me.

"One more word, and you can carry her," I warned him.

"Yeah, right."

He squeaked like a chew toy when I dropped Garchomp on him. A moment later, her body quickly slithered away into an unoccupied room.

_It was a smart idea to teach him Strength._

"Second time she's gone down," I said to myself. "This will not end well."

* * *

Darkness was all around me, but I was not myself. I had become the man in the turtle neck from my dream, walking through the dark woods. Its inhabitants were avoiding me, terrified by my evil. It was only moments before I reached an old building. It had long fallen into disrepair, a massive construct of rotted wood and mold, the windows broken and devoid of life. He entered the building and went straight into the dining hall. At the farther end of the sixty-foot table draped in a spotted cloth that reached the floor, a man was seated at the head.

Even in the murky shadows, you could see the full snow-white business attire he wore, though his face remained hidden. The young woman standing next to him in the simple blouse was truly unremarkable, her only defining characteristic being the crimson glove on her left hand. The turtleneck walked up to them, where he kneeled.

"I have gathered another for your army, my lord," he said in his cold voice.

"And the search for the boy?" the woman asked in an equally chilling tone.

"It is… progressing. While he chooses to remain in the open, I have been unable to keep track of him. There may be a chance he isn't entirely human. I've also heard rumors of Slayers."

"Slayers? Here?"

"Yes. One they've nicknamed the Thrasher, and the other one… came back from the dead."

The man smiled, shining to reveal his monstrous sharp teeth.

* * *

I jolted awake, lying in a cold sweat underneath my covers.

_Great, more scares. Who the hell are those people? And there are Slayers, to boot? Damn premonition dreams._

I've had these a couple times before, really no different than déjà vu. The red flag being the mention of Slayers. For some people, and me, Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev of the similarly-titled series are what come to mind. However, the Slayers I knew, were in their own league. I often fought the third-in-command, Seth Niste, a French chameleon Beastman, when it came to the topic of our enemy. I beat him pretty bad the last time we fought, which brought my VS record to one-ten. He's third-in-command, what do you want from me?!

"You up?" I heard Garchomp ask behind my door.

_What fresh horror is this, plot? Why not just kill me and get it over with?_

I feigned sleep, hoping she would leave. It had the opposite effect. The door creaked open.

_Dammit._

Her footsteps had a soft echo to them as she made her way to my side.

_Dammit._

She climbed under the sheets with me.

_Nine-Dammit Combo!_

I rolled onto my side, facing away from her.

"I know I haven't been the best guest, but you should understand. There was no one that met my criteria."

_Criteria?_

"See, I'm in my season, and the irritating thing about it is, it can't be just someone random. It had to be someone who could conquer me. That's when Cynthia had thought of you and your team."

_I knew it._

"Problem is, they didn't live up to my expectations. They're strong, no question about that. Then there was you.

"You took a Hyper Beam at point-blank and came out almost unfazed. You also stopped my Giga Impact. I think you know what comes next, Mike."

_Feign sleep, feign sleep, feign sleep…_

"I know you're awake. I can feel your… excitement," she purred.

"Goddammit, Little Mike," I submitted. "You're gonna be the death of me one of these days."

"Little Mike?"

"Shaddap!"

I reluctantly turned to her. "As for your… deal, might I recommend Cheri leaves? I hear that works wonders."

"No."

"Have you tried a squirting dildo?"

"If you don't want to have sex with me, just say so."

"Okay. I don't want relations with you."

She rolled me onto my back and got on top, straddling my pelvis.

"This is why I was being subtle."

"C'mon, it'll be fun."

"I know that all too well. How about a compromise?"

"Excuse me?"

"I had gone through four nights of hip-numbing 'fun.' I have no plans for five straight."

"Well, too bad," she smirked.

"Do I have to call in El Luchador?"

That wiped the smirk off her face and replaced it with a mixed look of fear and disbelief. "You wouldn't," she said, her voice barely a whisper.

"If it's the only way to keep the ladies off my pecker, I will have no choice."

She looked downhearted, once she realized we wouldn't 'engage.' I didn't have a change of heart, but it was hard to see, even if it was her.

"Listen," I sighed, figuring I owed her an explanation. "I'm flattered, really, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm no Brawly. I need rest. Maybe some other night."

"Okay." She sounded as sad as she looked.

"Come here." I hugged her, my head resting on her bandaged chest. "What's with the wrapping, though? Some battle injuries?"

"No, it's…" She pulled down on it with her claws, two bodacious bounties bursting out and nearly knocking me out with their F-cup status and dark-red nipples.

_Holy shnikes! I am gonna be such a hypocrite, but it'll be worth it… I hope._

(LEMON)

I pushed her down, overpowering her and looking her in the eyes.

"I changed my mind. Plenty of time to rest afterwards."

I began my sensual assault, lightly stroking her arms and sides while kissing all over the land shark's neck and breasts. I heard her moaning, encouraging me to continue and telling me where to strike next. It's the same way in any relationship; you need communication. Have to admit, I've heard some good things about her kind's thighs, and none of that did them justice. So smooth and luscious, I was a little ashamed to be drooling all over them like I did. Breasts and thighs go hand-in-hand like bread and butter, which gave me a little freaky idea.

"I'm about to try something, let me know how it feels."

I hooked my boxers under my scrotum and lifted her legs as I kept them together. I stuck my girth in between for a thigh-fuck. Same thing as a paizuri, but with thighs. I was enjoying myself as I slammed my hips against her, grinding her slit as I did.

"Quit teasing and put it in," she panted. Kinda cute, Cynthia's powerhouse getting hot and bothered for me.

_I think it's time for a little play._

"I did put it in," I teased her.

"Please, I'm getting close," she pleaded.

"You have to be clear about what you want, or I can't help you."

"Please, put your dick in my pussy!"

It went in in one go. She must have been on the edge, because her cavern had my member in a death grip, sucking me in.

"How was that?"

"Keep going…" I heard her mutter.

"Excuse me?"

I got slapped on the back by her big tail, which pushed me closer to her.

"Keep going!"

_What have I gotten myself into? …Don't answer that._

(LEMON END)

* * *

Morning came, and after being roused from my slumber on my phone alarm, I got dressed and went downstairs, a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something important.

"Morning, dear," Heart chirped, wearing her apron as she stood in front of the stove.

"Morning," I replied, kissing her on the cheek.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?"

"You heard that, huh?"

"Hard to block out a dragon's roar, man," I heard Rai comment.

"Unless you're me. Hard of hearing, you know," I said, sitting next to him at the table.

"Still, you dog!" He smacked me on the shoulder, which still stung from Garchomp's love-bite.

"Yeow!" I hollered.

"Are you okay, dear?!"

"Yeah, just forgot Dragon-types have a tendency to... nibble at their mates," I said, rubbing my hurt shoulder.

"Sorry about that," Rai apologized.

"Had that coming, no biggie."

There was a knock at the front door.

"Weird," I commented, getting the door.

_Who could that be?_

I opened the door to find Cynthia.

"Hey! How was your trip?"

"What trip?"

"…Shirona?"

"Shirona."

_That's what I was forgetting: Cynthia twin sister, Shirona._

"Dagnabbit! May as well come in, she'll be down soon enough."

The champion walked in and sat down on the couch. "She must have been a handful for you, though, given she's in heat."

"Really," I replied, sitting in the swivel chair. "I had no idea."

"Actually, I was visiting a Dragon Master in Kalos, looking for someone to mate with her."

"So that part about a trip is true?"

"Yeah. And I got nothing to show for it."

"Sorry to hear that. I have something to say about this, if you'll hear me out."

"Sure."

Just as I was about to come clean with her, Garchomp came in, her wrappings back in place.

"Morning, Master," she chirped.

_Please don't be me._

"Good morning," Cynthia replied. "How are you feeling?"

"So much better now," she said, walking towards me, her hips swaying ever so slightly. She sat on my lap, draping her arms around me. The look of shock on Cynthia's face was not making this easier. After all, not very hard to put two and two together.

"If you wanna smack me, go right ahead. I have it coming."

What she did next surprised me. She just smiled. "He's your mate, then?"

"Yep," she answered, snuggling up to me.

_I think I liked it better when she was a bitch._

"Good. Now then, we must be off. I just need another minute alone with Mike."

"Yes, ma'am."

She got up, leaving me to be ripped a new one.

"I'm doomed, aren't I?"

"We'll see."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

"How could you sleep with her, my best friend?!"

"I thought Lucario was your best friend, especially after the video I saw," I said, the last part under my breath.

"What?"

"Not important. Look, it was never my intention to lay my hands on her; at least, in _that_ way. It just turned out like that. If it makes you better, she literally took a chunk outta me."

"How does that make me feel better?!"

"Less of me to deal with?"

_Didn't really think that through._

"Well, that's fine, because now you owe me!"

She stood up and walked to the door. As she reached it, I said something I shouldn't have, but wanted to.

"I saved your life, and I owe _you_? Do you have any idea what I've gone through in the past few months? Sure, the first two were personal, but the Ursaring was going to kill innocent people, even Red, then he would've gone after you and the other Champions."

"Thank you, but that doesn't mean we're even."

I rose out of the chair, saying, "Have you ever fought a Pokémon on your own before? A Gijinka, even, and to protect others? When you do, and live to tell about it, then I owe you, because I can't keep doing for people what I have to do for me: be of worth.

"I take responsibility for my actions, but that's it."

"…Fair enough. Just don't take Heart for granted. She's the best thing to happen to you."

"I know that, but I never told **you **that."

"You talk in your sleep. Also, you may want to have a doctor take a look at that odd color on your dick."

"Right. Wait, what?"

She had shut the door behind her before I had a clue.

_When did she see that? I'm starting to think she has no sister._

Being so smooth, I took a peek.

"Oh, man. I knew a harem would kill me, but this is not the way I imagined I'd go."

**Great, just what he needed: an STD. They're not immune to illnesses, you know. Hope it was a good chapter, and thank you, True Guardian of Chaos, for your constructive criticism. Always room for improvement. Also for liking my story, as well as Breag Naofa. Remember, kids; read and review, and always use protection. This is Mike, signing out and wishing you guys a Happy New Year!**


	7. Resolve for Change

**Wow, new record for shortest time between uploads. While there is a possibility this has a rushed feeling to it, this chapter is important. You'll see why. Enjoy!**

At 8:34 a.m., the sound of an air horn could be heard throughout the town, accompanied by some howling. Even I, with my hearing problems, caught it. How?

"Dammit, Rai! When I asked for a wake-up call, this is not what I meant!" I shouted, shielding my ears from further harm behind my bed, while listening to a high-pitched ringing.

"You never specified how, so that's on you," Rai said, holding an air horn and megaphone with a smile.

Following our daily routine, I fell down the stairs. That's when someone caught me.

"Geez, you're heavy!"

_Aw, crap. How did Red get in my house?_

"If your legs give out, I'll crush you. Now, let go of me, before it actually happens."

He complied, allowing me to stand.

"Now, it's a moot question, but how did you get in?"

"Same way they did," he replied, stepping to the side.

"Big Brother!"

I was bowled over by the sudden tackle from two young teens.

"Brendan, Jayy? What are you kids doing here?"

"Just arrived by ship, came to surprise you," Jayy said. "How've ya been?"

"A little sore, but in working condition."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Brendan apologized. "We got excited. Been a while, you know?"

"Fair point. Mind helping an old man up, so he can get a good look at you?"

They helped me to my feet, and I gave them an once-over.

Brendan had grown a few inches since the last time I saw him. He looked like a cyclist, having gotten a tan keeping the red-and-black from his jogging suit. He still had the same one-strap backpack and white knit cap. When we first met, I thought that was his hair.

Jayy, on the other hand, was naturally white-haired, long and sleek with the brightest blue eyes you've ever seen. Opposite to her sunny disposition, her hoodie, beanie and skinny jeans were all dark. Even her sneakers, black as night.

"Been what, a year, since I last saw you two?"

"Pretty close," Brendan said. "Jayy wanted to give you something."

"Really? What is it?"

She reached in her messenger bag and pulled out an Ultra Ball. "It's the last one," she told me.

"Registeel, huh?" I took it from her.

"So that's how you got the other Regi's," Red commented.

"What can I say?" I patted Jayy on the head like a puppy; she always liked that. "I'm lucky to have these two. Listen, why don't you two go in the kitchen, get something to eat? I got to talk with Red about something."

"Okay, Big Brother," Jayy replied. Once they were out of sight, I looked at Red with little tolerance.

"What do you want?"

"First off, I wanted to apologize for what happened."

"What, the no-lift thing? That's trivial, plus Charizard couldn't carry both of us."

"No, I meant the Gijinka."

"Unless you knew he was coming, forget it."

"It's not just that."

"Oh?"

"I heard of another one running around, a Ghost-type."

"Please don't tell me you want me to fight the thing."

"It's Cynthia that's asking, not me," he said. "I know you don't do particularly well around ghosts."

"They're scary enough without all the stories you hear, even if some of `em are cute," I replied, moving to sit on the couch.

"I don't put much stock in them, myself." He sat down in the swivel chair. "Personally, I've been looking into the Pokémon phenomena since I was a kid."

"That sounds like something from a fanfic."

"Not the point. So?"

"She already gave me gonorrhea, not much more she could do to me if I refused."

"When did you get gonorrhea?"

"You don't wanna know. Don't worry, I already started my medication."

"I always thought Rai was the hound."

"Yeah, but he's not on a leash. Believe me, I've tried."

"And what do I tell her?"

"Tell her I'll help, but this makes us even."

"Got It. I'll call you soon."

He got up and left thru the front door.

"Oh, boy," I sighed deeply.

I introduced my family to the kids after they had eaten. They already knew Heart and Kong, since they were with me in Hoenn. Luke took an immediate liking to Brendan, and Rai was being… Rai.

"You planning to take on the League, huh, Jayy?"

"Yep," she replied.

"If you want, I have some pointers—YOW!"

I started yanking on his ears.

"Don't even, rodent!"

I received a nasty shock. I retaliated with a bonk on the noggin. We tumbled around behind the couch, fists and sparks flying in a cartoon fight-cloud. When the dust settled, we were on the floor, bruised and twitching.

"Truce?" I asked.

"Truce," he complied.

"What are you guys talking about?" Jayy inquired.

"I'll tell you when you're older. I need to get some air."

I slowly rose to my feet. "Anybody want to go to Rowan's with me?"

* * *

I walked to Professor Rowan's lab with Jayy and Brendan in tow, since I no longer had a car. It wasn't a long walk, just quicker the other way. We had walked past where I had buried Jawx' body and the Sawsbuck, but I made no mention of it. The kids didn't know the Feraligatr, so there was no need to tell them.

After we arrived, I led them inside. There were more pieces of equipment than the last time I was here. Newer, too.

_Guess they had to replace a lot of it after Scar's attack._

"Greetings, young Mike!" an older gentleman off to the left said.

The gentleman wore a dress shirt with a brown tie and a buttoned blue vest, coupled black slacks and dress shoes. His hair was gray and full, with mutton chops and a big bushy mustache framing his upper face, which had almost no wrinkles in its entirety. He came to me with his hand outstretched.

"Good to see you again, sir," I said, shaking his hand. "Getting your gear replaced, I see."

"Yes, we were finally able to scrunch up enough funds to get them."

"You could have asked me for the money, you know. I am somewhat responsible."

"Nonsense, it wasn't your fault. It's not something we could have foreseen. Enough of that, are these new Trainers with you?" He gestured to my little siblings.

"Oh, no. This is Brendan and Jayy. I told you about the kids I got the Regi's from, remember?"

"Ah, yes, I do recall. Did they bring you Registeel this time?"

"That's exactly why we're here, sir," I answered matter-of-fact.

I pulled out the Ultra Ball she gave me.

"Impressive, young lady."

"Thank you," Jayy bowed her head.

"By the way, how is Rene doing?" Brendan inquired. "I traded her for Mike's Azumarill a while back."

"Rene?"

"Remember the Swampert I left with you? She was originally his starter."

"You're kidding. That succubus?"

"I know, hard to believe, especially with him liking boys, so…"

"She's not here. Left quite a while ago."

"Not surprising. She must've banged everyone here three times before she went looking for more," I mumbled offhandedly.

_I kid you not. She was as ravenous as a Lopunny in heat, which, FYI, is all the frickin' time! Heart, in my Trainer days, had to make her faint a _lot_ to keep her off everyone. I'll say this: if Centers started charging people for their services, I would've been in debt the minute I got her._

"Did you say something, Mike?"

"No, just talking to the voices in my head."

"Guess I should've known," Brendan sighed. "She was always…"

"Social? Adventurous? Loving?" were my suggestions.

"All the above, actually," he agreed, sounding mildly surprised.

"I get a winner every now and then."

My phone started ringing. I took it out and answered the call.

"You have reached the Grand Budapest Hotel," I responded in an Indian accent. "Unfortunately, no one is able to reach you at this time. Please try again later."

"Very funny," Cynthia said dryly.

"Heeey," I said in my normal voice. "Isn't Red supposed to call me?"

"Sixth floor, Jubilife, now." She disconnected.

"What did I do this time?" I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.

I told the kids I had to run an errand and I'd be back as soon as I could. When I went outside, there was a dark 1988 Ford Bronco waiting. The roll cage it had shined in the light, even though it was black in color. The chrome bumpers and rims were the only things that stood out on the vehicle. I walked over to it and found a small red envelope in the driver's seat. I picked it up and looked it over. There was nothing written on it, addressing no one. I opened it, finding a key and a note inside. The note was simple, only two words on it:

**A gift.**

_A gift? From who? Doubt Red or Cynthia had the money for something like this. Probably isn't for me, either. Couldn't hurt to borrow it for a bit, though, right?_

* * *

I made it to Jubilife in under thirty seconds. I would make such a great delivery driver in this thing. I pulled up in front of the building Red had his party. It's amazing how quickly stuff gets fixed around, good as new. Back home, it would take years for the Pennsylvania roads to get repaved, if at all. If you've been there, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, it was only moments before I reached the sixth floor via the elevator.

"Hello," a young blue-haired girl wearing a black-and-pink dress happily greeted me as the doors opened.

"Hi, Dawn," I greeted her back, squeezing past her.

The room was empty, aside from the other four people in it. Dawn, Red, Cynthia and—

"Tessa?"

"`Sup?" she said, lying on the floor, using a duffel bag as a pillow. She still had the rocker look going, her mesh undershirt replaced with ripped arm sleeves.

"What is Bat-Girl doing here? And with my bag, no less."

"I didn't know where you lived."

"Did you check the pockets for I.D.?"

"…Hadn't thought of that."

_Of course not._

"Here." She tossed me my bag. "Your pimp clothes are inside."

I was not amused by her remark, but glad I got my bag again, swinging it over my shoulder.

"I need to know something," Cynthia stated.

"Yes, I have an STD," I said. "Karma's a bitch."

"Good to hear," she replied, laying the sarcasm down heavy. "Can these two fight, Red?"

"Wait, why do we have to fight?"

"I don't always wait for challengers, Mike. Believe it or not, I'm In charge of a lot of things, and one of those things is protecting my people."

"Is that why you're so stressed? Aside from the other business we discussed the other day."

"You have no idea."

"Remind me later to give you a number for my guy, the miracle-worker."

"So no one's fighting anybody?" I added.

"Unless that guy's here to wrestle," Dawn intervened, pointing to the elevator.

A man had gotten off on this floor. He was Arabic and well-toned, with a smooth head and thin eyebrows, wearing only a loincloth. Well, that and some kind of gauntlet. It was dark with leather stitching down the side. The whole thing gave off some major Ancient Egyptian vibe, despite it looking like a hellhound, which, last time I checked, was strictly Christian. Or Greek; could never remember.

"One weirdo after another," I muttered under my breath.

"I sense a great evil here," he said aloud in a high-pitched voice.

"Aren't you a little late to the party, by like a week and a half?" I asked him.

He pointed at me. "Guilty."

"Who are you, Ghost Rider?"

Before I saw it coming, I got decked by his armored fist.

_One tumble, two tumble, three tumble, finito._

"Mothershucker, that smarts!" I groaned, sprawled out on the ground.

"I will vanquish the monstrosity set before me," he stated, walking towards me.

_What is this, the Dark Ages?_

I reached into my bag, hoping to whip out something useful.

_C'mon, give me something good!_

I wrapped my hand around wooden and immediately pulled. A long, thin dagger was in my hand. I readied myself.

"I cannot be stopped. No monster can defeat me."

"You sure `bout that?"

I rushed at him, the blade gleaming. I heard him say something in Arabic. That's when I slid along the floor.

His gauntlet and arm had come apart at the seam, changing into the large head of a Rottweiler, which stretched at me jaws open. Thanks to my maneuver, I avoided becoming dog food, leaving the stranger open. I leapt at him, catching him off-guard, or so I thought. He evaded my thrust.

_Damn!_

I didn't get to follow up, as the dog caught me in its jaws. It held me high, possibly waiting for the kill-order.

"You put up a fight, but it was futile."

"How's this for futile?!"

With my free arm, I threw the stiletto at him. My aim couldn't have been better, piercing his skull from between his eyes.

"Boom, headshot!" I exclaimed, proud of myself.

"…Was that it?" he asked, alive and unfazed.

"No fucking way, that should've killed you!"

"You greatly underestimated me." He pulled out the knife, blood trailing from the open wound and down his face, and threw it aside.

"Now you're gonna kill me?" I whimpered. Not everybody's a tough guy.

"Kill you? Again, you misunderstand.

"One of the conditions of my Hell-Hound's Maw is that I'm unable to kill."

"...You're Rex, the Son of Anubis."

I heard of him from my Slayer days. That armor of his gives him the power to "eat" evil souls. The Anubis part, I'm not sure what it means. The expression he had, looked like he was hurt, no clue why. It quickly went away, however.

"That I am, Massacre Maniac."

"Okay, that's starting to bug me. It was Moronic Maniac; I have no idea where the Massacre came into play."

"Be that as it may, I—"

He was interrupted by a bat to his face, which knocked him into the window on the far side of the room and causing the dog-head to dissipate, releasing me. Unlike me last time I was here, he didn't break through.

"Tessa?" I wondered aloud, on the ground.

Indeed, Tessa saved me. She had swung her bat and hit a grand slam.

"Don't thank me. You guys kept me up."

"You were napping?"

"Trying to, but again, you two were so loud."

I got to my feet and picked up the dagger. Wiping the blood off on my sleeve, I put it back in the bag and whipped out twin shotgun swords with green nylon cord wrapped around the hilt. Don't get excited, they're swords with a shape similar to shotguns. At the base of both blades, was a deep-blue round crystal.

"What else is in that?" Tessa asked.

"A bunch of random crap. You going to help me?"

"Can't get peace and quiet, otherwise."

Just as she agreed, Rex was back on his feet. He cracked his neck and took a stance. We did the same thing. The rocker was the first to move.

She went at him, bat at the ready. From what I could tell concerning her technique, she was a berserker, attacking head-on with no regards for defense. Not that she needed to. Rex could only block her blows, and even then, it looked like he was taking damage. Whatever openings he saw, he couldn't strike back quick enough. It looked as if I wouldn't have to join her, until he grabbed the bat and punched her in the stomach. She stumbled away, but quickly went back at him. Both were taking hits now, but neither side gave an inch. The last blow pushed the two parties away from each other, breathing heavily. Rex had bruises all over, mostly on his left arm. Tessa was bleeding, a gash above her eye, forcing her to keep it closed. For a moment, I thought the skin on her arms was shining like metal.

_She's strong, fighting a guy like Rex. Someone of his caliber would easily beat me, and I'm hard to keep down. Ask any big animal._

"You're good," Rex complimented her. "But why help him? He reeks of evi—"

"Lemme stop you there. I don't know you, I don't know him, and I couldn't care less. I just want to sleep. If that means I have to smack down everyone here, I will."

"You are a strange one. And as for you—"

Before he could react, I was right next to him. I swung my sword, but he ducked. With the other blade, I cut him at the shoulder. He stepped back a few feet.

"These interruptions are starting to aggravate me," he huffed.

"Eh, can't help you there."

"Are you going to convince me you aren't a monster?"

"I'm not very good at convincing people one way or another. Ask anyone."

I pointed a sword at him. "I may be one, but it doesn't mean you get my soul." The crystal began to glow.

_Remember how I said they were guns in shape only?_

I fired a mass of Aura like buckshot in his direction. Even at this range, I only nicked him. One more reason why I don't use guns: eyesight equivalent to a mole's. It stunned him, so I took the opportunity to switch to the other sword. I fired another shot that hit him dead center in the chest. It fazed him for only a second, then he punched and busted up the floor. He threw a rather large piece of the floor at me, knocking me on my ass. It pinned me down, preventing me from fighting back. I heard glass break.

"Another time, Maniac," I heard Rex say. I could only assume he had made his escape thru the window. Couldn't see him from my position.

"A little help, anyone?" I grunted.

Tessa came over and lifted the debris off me, no sweat. Red and Cynthia joined her, helping me up. I put my weapons back in the duffel bag.

"You alright?" Cynthia asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Just another day in the life of Mike," I casually commented, dusting myself off.

"Who was he?" Red inquired.

"Rex F. Rover, A.K.A. Son of Anubis. Not someone you'd want to meet on the wrong side of the tracks."

"Why did he call you Massacre Maniac?"

"In my days before here, I earned the epithet, 'Maniac', and people thought it'd be funny to add something in front. I've been called Mushroom Maniac, Monster-girl Maniac, MILF Maniac…"

"Okay, we got it," Cynthia said.

"Truth is, I don't know when 'Massacre Maniac' became one of `em. May be just a twisted sense of humor."

Suddenly, monstrous growling echoed in the room.

"W-What was that?" Dawn sniveled, sticking close to her teacher.

"I have no idea," I said, looking away.

_No way I could tell them that was my stomach. Stupid diet._

Red seemed to know it was me, but he didn't say anything.

"Listen, I'm gonna go now," I told them, backing away slowly. "Nice to see you all again."

"You got food?" Tessa asked, joining the group. "My stomach needs fuel, in case you hadn't heard it growling."

"THAT was you?"

"Yeah, what did you think it was?"

Keeping my trap shut, I told her she was welcome to dinner. Somehow, the Champions thought I included them. Cynthia's protégé, on the other hand, had to go back to Twinleaf, visit her mom. Everybody but Dawn, who flew away on a Staraptor she called out, piled in the Bronco. I peeled out- like a boss, might I add- and drove back home. I made it there just under twenty-five seconds.

"Where the hell did you learn to drive?!" Red gasped from the installed backseat, paler than Cynthia, who was, well, pale.

"Racing school," I joked. "What can I say? This thing's a BEAST!"

"Where did you get this?" Tessa asked, surprisingly relaxed.

"I possibly borrowed this from Professor Rowan."

"Possibly?" Cyn panted.

"Might've been a gift to him, I don't know. The note didn't say."

"What note?"

I handed her the note from earlier.

"To Mike," she read out loud.

"What?"

She handed it back and I looked it over. It was on the back of the card.

"Why didn't I think to look on the back?"

_Well, least I know who it's for. Just raises more questions, though. Eh, who cares? FREE TRUCK!_

We got out and went inside my home. After I introduced Tessa to my family and little siblings, I went into the kitchen to begin making dinner. Luke and Heart helped, and even Red pitched in. Tessa, however, had fallen asleep on the couch. I don't think I'll ever understand her ways.

"Dinner's ready," I came out to said, two hours later.

"I don't think she's waking up for dinner any time soon," Rai said, poking her cheek with his tail.

"Rai, from what I know about her, I wouldn't be poking her if I were you."

"Yeah, good point." He stopped. "I'll zap her!"

"Are you nuts?!"

Apparently, he is. He charged up on power and let it loose. It didn't hit her, though; the electric attack bounced around the room. Everyone evaded it, but it was only a matter of time until…

"Watch out!"

The bolt was headed for me. I couldn't move in time, but I didn't have to. Tessa caught the attack with her bat. It absorbed the lightning, taking it in.

"Did you really try to shock me?" she asked Rai.

"Uhh…"

"Force-of-habit," I explained. "He does it to me all the time."

She poked me with the bat, transferring the charge. After literally blowing smoke, I hoarsely stated, "See what I mean? All the time."

She walked past me and into the kitchen. I sighed with relief. "You okay, Rai?"

"I think I'm in love," he said dreamily.

"I think you need to get your head examined."

"Still, it's quite the surprise to meet the lead vocal for Rushin' Russian," Brendan said.

"Huh?" Red and I replied at the same time.

"Seriously?" Jayy asked. "You've never heard of Rushin' Russian, Big Brother?"

"I'm old, and I don't know his excuse."

"Rushin' Russian is a popular band, known for doing covers. They cover all kinds of music, and the lead has the most amazing voice."

"Really? You'd never know, the way she swings."

"What way?"

"The way that hurts my face."

We had dinner, which was a large assortment of fantastic dishes. Juicy roast beef, shrimp and linguine with alfredo sauce, our four-berry salad (which we made with Sitrus, Leppa, Cheri and Pecha), hard to believe I pulled out all the stops with their help. Smart thing to do, too, since Tessa had such a huge appetite. And I thought _I_ ate a lot. After supper, I went out on the porch to reflect on today's happenings as I watched the sun set in a wondrous red.

_Well, at least no one died. That doesn't shake this feeling of foreboding I have, though. Plot, why are screwing with me?_

"What'cha doing?" Tessa asked, leaning against the railing.

"Thinking," I stated.

"You don't look like a thinker."

"And you don't look like a singer."

As if to prove me wrong, she sang a short tune. I was so mesmerized by her voice, I didn't really pay attention to the words. After I regained my senses, I asked:

"Are you a siren?"

"No one's died from listening to me," she countered.

"Mermaid, then."

"Do I smell like fish?"

"That's a stereotype, right there. They smell like roses."

"How do you know that?"

"I've met my fair share. I also knew a few that have turned human."

She straightened herself and lifted her top enough to expose her side. "I'm no fish-lady, as even you can see."

I was standing barely an inch from her. "You _must_ be a foreigner, if you know where their gills are. Why were you at the party the Gijinka crashed?"

"My cousin Roxie invited me."

"Roxie, the Gym Leader?"

"I was born in Unova, same as her, so I'm no foreigner, just interested in folklore. Thanks for the food."

She hopped over the railing and was about to leave, when she turned and said, "Oh, I never got your name."

"Mike," I told her.

For the first time since we met, she smiled. "For what it's worth, it was nice to meet you."

"Likewise," I replied.

After she left, I recalled something Rex said.

"**I will vanquish the monstrosity set before me."**

_Am I, though? I have Heart, Vulcana and Current. Rai, Luke and Kong. Slugga, Boss, and all my friends, even Red. If I really __WAS a monster, would I have them in my life?_

"I'm no monster, and I'm gonna prove it."

**See what I mean? He's starting to believe what everyone's been telling him: that he's a good guy. Is he, though? We'll see, soon enough. As for Rex, this won't be the last we see of him. For now though, I'm gonna do something different. Along with _any _criticism anybody has, I want to know what Pokemon you want Mike to fight next. Note that this Pokemon will become a Gijinka. Other than that and it can't be Legendary/Mythical, fair game. Until I get one, I can't start work on the next chapter. Just PM one or even leave one in a review. This is Mike, signing out in anticipation.**


	8. Fresh Start

**Missed the one-year anniversary by almost a week. Hard to believe it's been that long since I started writing. Thank you all for supporting me and Mike, we appreciate it. We hope you'll continue to do so, as we start what I'm calling the "Triad Arc."**

**Mike: Why is it called that?**

**Me: HOLY FUCK YOU'RE REAL!**

**Mike: I'm as real as you make me, especially since I AM you.**

**Me: Get back in there!**

**Mike: That's what she said.**

**Me: Really?**

**Mike: You set yourself up, which is very sad, considering-**

**Me: SHADDAP!**

**While I deal with this idiot, please enjoy!**

It was a lovely night to be thrown through the east wall of the church in Hearthome City.

"Goddammit!" I grunted, spitting out small bits of stone.

"Do not use the Lord's name in vain!" my enemy snapped.

_It's the Dark Ages all over again._

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, sardonically. "Was that offensive?"

Recently, I was hired by Cynthia to act as a type of guardian. What do I guard against? Take a wild guess.

The guy that threw me was wearing big and bulky armor like Alphonse Elric, a big red plume on his helmet, which hid his face. Most of the armor was gray, but the chestplate was a dark blue with yellow on the front. On his back, he carried two red-striped lances. So far, he hasn't found the need to use them, smacking me around like a crash-test dummy. And he wasn't alone.

A girl was sitting on a table on the other side of the church, swinging her feet. She was dressed in a dull-blue long-sleeved unitard with some fabric hanging off like ribbons. Her short hair was pink with green streaks, and a black four-point star was embedded on her forehead. Ever since I entered the holy place, she just sat there, watching as I got thrashed.

"Very much so," the FMA knockoff replied.

"Like I care." I got up, still aching from that. "You're just another Follower."

Ever since the Ursaring, and a few more Gijinka since, we've been calling them the Followers of Arceus (stupid as it sounds), because they all share one thing in common; they were changed into what they are now by "God." I highly doubt that's what happened, but whatever. I drew Espada Neutral and scraped a bit of Charcoal from my back pocket along it, charging it with Fire. Charcoal carries residual Fire-type energy, which is what enhances attacks like Flame Wheel or Ember.

"At least we did not betray our Creator."

"Good for you." I ran at him. He drew his spears, gaining a silver coating.

_Really?_

I ducked under his thrust, cutting through the side of his shell. That shocked him, giving me the chance to strike again from behind. I broke through, but he stepped forward, preventing any real damage. He swung around, knocking me through another part of the wall.

"Nice try."

Not even seconds after he said that, sounding so pleased with himself, I pierced his Iron Defense and ran my flame-imbued scimitar through his stomach. I threw him off, high above me. With my work glove on, I prepared for his descent. When he came down, I shouted, in truest anime fashion:

"FUNKY MONKEY UPPERCUT!"

I completely shattered his chestplate with this attack. Non-lethal, but it hurts like hell. I tossed him to the side, unconscious. I wanted to take the partner in, too, but she must've high-tailed it when I wasn't looking.

"Guess one'll do," I conceded, before sheathing my cooled-off blade and hoisting the big guy like a firefighter into the night.

* * *

"An Escavalier, huh?" Cynthia stated.

"Yep," I replied, sipping tea from a china teacup.

I was sitting in her home in Celeste, filling her in on my latest catch. We were in her living room/kitchen, I was sitting in a rather comfy chair across from her on something called a "loveseat." Can only imagine why it's called that, but I'm not using mine, too dirty. Last time I used it, Justin Bieber stole my virginity. One more reason why I need a new _sane_ brain.

"What about the Accelgor?"

"Got away before I had an inkling," I answered, setting the cup down on a high table next to me. "In my experience, that usually means an ambush somewhere later down the road, preferably when I'm alone."

"Then don't be alone," she offered as advice.

"Preference means you would rather have one thing over the other. It doesn't mean you won't pick the other, if you have no choice.

"She'll attack me, regardless of whether I'm near people or not. Easier to make a clean get-away if it's the latter, though."

"Planning to draw her out?" she surmised.

"Something like that."

"Don't," she ordered. "I know I asked you to fight the Gijinka—"

"This concern for my well-being? I didn't think you'd worry for me."

"Well, I do!"

I scoffed. "Look, I could've refused, but I didn't. Nice to see you care, but contrary to what I say all the time, I know what I'm doing. You wouldn't have asked, otherwise."

I stood up and bowed. "Thank you for the tea."

I went for the door, when Cyn said, "Be careful, please."

"I will, Big Sister."

I walked outside, where Garchomp was waiting.

"Hello, Master," she chirped.

_Ah, crap._

"You got the wrong one."

She hugged me, burying my face in her wrapped bosom.

"I missed you, too."

I readjusted my head. "Not what I meant. Since you're here, mind giving me a ride?"

"Ooh, so bold," she purred.

"To my house," I clarified.

She did, although she was still tempting me to mount her again. I may have given her permanent brain damage when I bonked her on the head. When we landed in front of my home, I hopped off, thanking her for the ride.

"Anytime, Master."

"Again, I'm not your master."

"You are, to me." She rubbed my cheek with the backside of her claw, which felt quite smooth. "Bye, my love." Spreading her wings, she took off in one flap. I watched as she disappeared in the light of the clear sky.

"Maybe she really has changed," I said to myself. "That, or she needs a doctor _badly_."

"You would know."

Jenny came walking up, dressed casually with a crop top, jeans and stylish shoes.

"Oh, I'm in trouble," I said

"You're not in trouble," she chuckled.

"Yeah, and Rai's gay. Oddly enough, that reminds me."

I pulled the borrowed suit from my inside pocket. "I believe this is yours?"

"Yea—no."

"What?! How is it not yours?"

"I don't wear it."

"But it belonged to your grandfather."

"I don't wear it."

"It's a family heirloom."

"I don't wear it."

"Fine, you twisted my arm. I'll hold onto it for you."

I put the suit back in my pocket.

"How many pockets do you have?" she asked.

"Are you asking about the pockets I have or the pockets inside my pockets? Either way, it's a LOT of pockets."

"Do you actually _need_ all of them?"

"Do Final Fantasy characters need all their belts?" I retorted. "No. Do Kingdom Hearts need all their zippers? No. Realistically, all they need is one, but they have over a dozen!"

"Was there a point?"

"Pockets have functionality. That, and I'm dead-set on them, so get used to it.

"I assume that's not the reason you're here."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me," she replied. "I heard you quit."

"Yeah, I did. Just had more pressing matters."

"I know."

Before I could ask what she meant, or rather, how she knew, Jennifer handed me a slip she pulled from her back pocket.

"Commissioner Poss reassigned me and Davis to be your backup, courtesy of Cynthia."

I took the slip from her and, without even glancing at it, ripped it into confetti. "Bad idea."

"I can take care of myself, Mike."

"I know, but against Gijinka? You saw what happened in Jubilife. Tossed me around like I was a raggedy doll."

"I have a gun."

"And half the Pokémon in the world move faster than a bullet. The ones that don't are frickin' bulletproof!

I sighed. "I know that I can't change your mind, so if you are going to help me, please do it behind-the-scenes style. Your blood on my hands is the last thing I want. Understand?"

She friendly nudged me. "My family's the best at what we do for a reason, big guy. All the same, I appreciate the concern."

I sighed again. "Fine. Wanna come in for a drink, since you're here?"

"Sure," she answered.

She followed me inside, where I was greeted by the sight of a nude blonde being sexually assaulted by a mustard furball on my couch. You can imagine how I felt about that.

"RAI!" I yelled, my voice becoming distorted.

"Gah!" he screamed.

As he scurried away, I stampeded after him, nailing him with a sailing dropkick that took us through the wall on the second floor, which we fell from.

"Worth it," I said, before hitting the dirt.

* * *

Everybody was eating dinner, Jennifer having gone home a few hours ago after my stunt. Rai was a little bent, figuratively speaking, about me interrupting his "heart-to-heart" with that girl. Between the two of us, he had the most bandages, covering most of his body. Me, on the other hand, I had a light wrap on my noggin. Didn't bother me as I dug into my big, juicy cheeseburger with gusto.

"So where did you end up going last night, bud?" Kong asked, chomping down on a hot dog.

They were unaware of my new occupation. Far as I knew, they believed I was on extended leave. Even janitors get time off.

"Hearthome," I answered. "I never really took in the church and its structural integrity the first time."

"Structural integrity," Rai repeated.

"The building's gotta be four hundred-years-old, at least. Plus, Sinnoh is the last place I'd think to find a cathedral."

"And it has nothing to do with the Gijinka?" Luke inquired.

"I can't keep anything from you, can I?"

"It's a mystery why you even try, Dad."

"Seriously? You're fighting the weirdos?" Rai added.

"Yeah."

"Why, dear?"

I set my burger down. "That's what good guys do, fight monsters. A lot of the time, though, it was other humans I fought."

"Mike…"

"I get that it's dangerous, but it's the way I've done it. I have no skills in persuasion or engineering, so I stick to what I know."

"What are you talking about?" Vulcana asked.

"Bringing change for the better. I knocked sense into people, basically."

"What about Jawx?"

"Of everyone I met, Jawx was the only life I took. Do I regret it? Yes, and no.

"On the one hand, I could've done more to help him. On the other, he killed a lot of people, both human and Pokémon. Either way, I'm partly at fault," I summarized grimly.

"Partly?"

"They were his choices. Of that, I had no control. I'm just trying to compensate, make up for my own mistakes."

"Dad, there's no need for that."

"I know. You have to admit, though, I kick ass for a chubby."

"Because you have a fat ass!" Rai commented.

"That makes no sense, Rai."

"I'm still mad about the dropkick!"

"You had that coming, and I can only hope that was the only thing coming. Why did I just say that?" I complained, facepalming.

Believe it or not, they found that humorous, except Rai, obviously. I really have a good family here. And I want to protect them, like a man should.

Later that night, I went outside to cool off on the lit porch, the sun having set for the stars to shine. Seriously, I burn up in that house. It's like I have lava for blood. Good thing I don't: having the actual thing is not a pretty sight, I've seen it.

"You sure it's safe to be out here?"

Luke came out and stood by me.

"Eh, inside, outside—don't make a difference. End result's gonna be the same."

"Why are you doing this, Dad?"

"Uh, hold on a sec?"

I pulled out a thick booklet from inside my shirt.

"Alright, where are we here?"

Making a sound like the wheel on "The Price is Right," I read through the script, flipping page after page. Yeah, that's right: like Deadpool and the Ed boys, I'm breaking the fourth wall. Tried it before many times, no one had a clue.

"Lessee, chopped off a head, ravaged by carnal-crazed women, beat up by an immortal—OH, GOOD LORD!"

"What?" Luke asked, sounding concerned.

"Oh, I can't look!" Then, I did the dumb thing: I looked again. "Oh, it's even worse the SECOND TIME!"

"What are you reading?!"

"Something that would mess you up for _**life**_. Let's leave it at that."

I slammed the manuscript shut. "To answer your question… what was it again?"

"Why are you doing this, Dad?"

"It's called 'Life of Mike' for a reason."

"What?"

"The name of the story we're in, which actually explains all the shit that's happened to me."

"Dad!"

"Huh?

"Are you going to answer or not?"

_Sounds like he's tired of my shenanigans._

"The reason isn't complex, Luke. I just want to. Plus, it's exercise, and I know you can't complain about _that_."

"Alright, just—"

"I know, I know," I interrupted. "Be careful. Everyone and their grandma has been telling me that the past day or two."

"Doesn't mean you shouldn't. Good night." The jackal went back inside quietly.

I let out a great, big yawn. "Another day, I guess."

* * *

"I think it's safe to assume I need a psychiatric evaluation," I said, sitting in the middle of a dirt road, Combee Gijinka laying all around. They basically look like typical office workers, in black-and-yellow striped suits.

"Why is that?" Jennifer asked, dressed in her uniform while leaning on a parked police motorcycle.

"If anything, it's a precaution, but I think one of these dudes winked at me."

"So?"

"I wasn't grossed out by it."

"Are you a homophobe?"

"Don't really matter to me what somebody's preferences are."

"Then what's the problem?"

"You really wanna know? And keep in mind, what I say can't be unheard."

"Got it," she agreed.

"I have a tough time getting stuff out, I don't need anything going in."

She put a hand up to her forehead and slowly shook her head.

"I warned you."

"Just get on."

I obeyed her, and we rode away, passing Floaroma Town. I expected to be attacked by their queen on the way home, but no such luck. We pulled up in front of a small home on the northern edge of Sandgem.

"Why are we at your house?" I asked, getting off.

"Mama wants to meet you," she replied, parking the motorbike on the side.

"What? Why?!"

"I told her so much about you, she assumed you were my boyfriend."

"Why would you do that?!"

"You're are too weird to keep quiet about!" she argued.

"**Nothing** is too weird to keep quiet about! Especially if you've seen Bobobo or Fooly Cooly."

"I just need you to pretend we're a couple for ten minutes."

"That's another thing. I don't like lying, and to be honest, you're not my type."

"I'm every guy's type!"

_`Cause you a ho._

"Eh…"

"Oh, just because I'm not covered in feathers or don't have a tail, doesn't mean I'm not attractive!"

"I never said that. And for the record, that's not what I meant."

I knocked on the door. "I hope you're planning to write me off after this."

"Oh, that reminds me. Would you rather be drowned by an ex or train wreck casualty in a distant region?"

"You've thought about this, haven't you?"

Before she could answer, the door opened, revealing a slightly-older Jenny in a blouse and cardigan, her green hair in a bun. "Jennifer!" she chirped, giving my "girlfriend" a hug.

"Hi, Mama," Jennifer replied, returning it.

"Let me look at you." Her mom held her out at arm's length, giving her an once-over. "You really should put some more meat on your bones, honey."

"Mama!"

"I tell her that all the time, but she insists on fasting," I commented. "Has me doing it, too."

"Oh, you poor thing," Mama sympathized. "Come on in, Mama will make you something to fill you both up."

I complied, while Jennifer was dragged in by Mama.

Mama was a bit on the heavy side, and not very tall. If I wanted to give her a hug, I'd have to bend over. That's how small she was, in comparison. She was very warm and welcoming, which made me think Jennifer took after her father, whoever he is. She sat us down on her blue couch, which was sooo soft and comfortable. I almost fell asleep, until Babe elbowed me.

"Oh!" I grunted, rubbing my side.

"Why are you taking Mama's side?" she whispered.

"Nothing wrong with a big girl," I answered quietly. "Just more to love, if you ask me."

"How depraved are you?"

"I'd prefer anything to a skinny chick, if that's what you're talking about."

"Good lord," Jennifer sighed exasperatingly.

"I just don't understand why women think being thin will make life better. I mean, look at me, I got a good life."

"It can always be better. Besides, at least I'm not out of breath after ten seconds of running."

"That's cardio, completely different physical issue."

"Still, who gets intoxicated from Worcestershire sauce?"

_Don't ask._

I took the moment to survey the room. Glass cabinets of every size lined the wall, filled with all kinds of porcelain figures. Mostly various Pokémon, but I did catch the odd duck or two. Mama had a few animals in the mix. I spotted a golden horse with a black mane and tail, a beagle playing with a fox, both pups, and a full-grown brown bear with a cub at its side.

"Here you go, dears," Mama said, setting down on her antique coffee table a tray of meatloaf with basil sprinkled on top and stuffing on the side, complete with coffee. The aroma wafting in the air was enough to make my mouth water. Mama fixed plates for us both. That's when I began to dig in with fervor. The meatloaf was a little dry, but delicious otherwise. And who doesn't like stuffing?

"Quite the appetite on this one," she mused, smiling.

I swallowed. "Didn't have lunch yet." I continued eating.

"If only Jennifer was more like you in that regard…"

"Mama, I eat plenty," Jennifer stated.

"And swallows just as much," I joked. That bought me a lightning-fast elbow. I continued eating through the pain.

"Oh, that's good to hear.

"Now then. Mike, was it?"

"Yes, ma'am," I confirmed, setting down my empty plate and picking up my coffee mug and taking a sip.

"My daughter tells me you've been fighting the Gijinka."

I panicked and swallowed wrong, my drink going down my windpipe. While I had a coughing fit, Babe gave me a couple smacks on the back. When I finally calmed down, I put my mug down and asked, "How do you know that, how does she know that?"

"I _may_ have told her a bit," Jennifer answered, averting her eyes.

"Why?!"

"It's not my fault! When she was still an Officer, she could wring the truth out of anyone! Nobody can lie to her and get away with it!"

_Then why are you telling her I'm your boyfriend?!_

"How do you plan to protect my daughter?"

"…One of the things I love about your daughter, is that she can take care of herself. That being said, I'm the one that fights them. She's backup, but there won't be any chance she has to step in. I guarantee it."

"Good to hear. Would you like to take some leftovers home?

"Yes, please!" I said in a heartbeat.

A few minutes later, we said goodbye and left. I trailed behind Jennifer with my arms full of Tupperware.

"Did you seriously take all our leftovers?" she asked with a smile as we walked.

"She let me. I have a family to feed, you know."

"True."

"Now what? I die in an explosion or something?"

"Actually, I'm thinking of keeping you around, just until we break up."

"Oh, boy."

She chuckled.

"What?"

"So what else do you love about me?"

"Stow it." I felt my ears burning.

"Tsundere," she sang.

"You do know some tsunderes also smack you around?"

"Is that a fact?"

"Yeah, I knew one way back when. Smacked my buddy, her student around."

"And you let her?"

"Every time I tried to get in between, I got smacked, too. It was a fifty-fifty chance; fifty him and fifty her. Either way, I'd have a black-eye."

"Ow."

"No, it was more, 'Oh, the humanity!' My friends hit hard, and they're not even the heavy hitters."

"Who were, then?"

"Definitely not me. One guy, Gohdeon, acts a little bit like Vegeta. I've seen him lift a Landkreuzer P. 1000 over his head and throw it about a mile away."

"What's that?"

"A 'super-tank,' weighing in at close to one thousand _tons_. `Course, he had Agony and Saber helping him."

"How is it even remotely possible for three guys to lift that much?!"

"Well, first of all, they weren't human. Most of my friends back then weren't human. Even my best friends, turned out to have a bit of Heaven and Hell in them."

"No way any of that's true," she scoffed.

"I didn't believe it, either, at first. Not easy to accept what you once saw as fantasy, reality."

"…You're serious."

"Is it really far-fetched, though? Considering what I do now."

We stopped just outside my home. "I guess not," Jennifer admitted.

"Look at it this way: now you really know, anything is possible."

She laughed a little. "You've a point."

Before I went to struggle with opening the door—I'm stubborn like that—I heard her ask, "These friends of yours, have you seen them lately?"

"Not in the past four years, no," I answered.

"Why not?"

"I think it's because of that memory gap. I feel I'm missing something important-like. Haven't the foggiest what it could be."

"Oh. Well, see you tomorrow."

"Later, babe," I jokingly dismissed her.

* * *

I jolted awake in my bed, Heart's arm draped over me. It wasn't a bad dream, just a sense of foreboding. Smoothly replacing myself with a fluffy pillow, as to avoid waking my beloved rose, I quietly dressed and went downstairs with my bag slung over my shoulder, the foreboding telling me to bring it. Taking light steps, I walked out thru the kitchen backdoor. Night had fallen, completely enshrouding the town. Neither the moon nor the stars were out, so it was hard to see much. It was times like this I wished Don had installed a night-vision mode in my goggles.

_Why am I out here? It's not like… Oh. The Accelgor. She must be nearby._

I heard rustling in the direction of the forest. I drew a cutlass from my bag. It had a type of trigger on the back of the blade's base. Cautiously, I moved into the woods. Treading through some underbrush, I listened for anything that would tell me what I was up against. While I was certain it was the Accelgor, I had no evidence. I might've just imagined it was her. I was about to turn back, when I heard something whoosh by. I turned, where something solid struck me in the chest. As soon as it hit me, I was hit from behind. Another from the side, a blow from above, even from below. Attacks were coming from all directions, I couldn't keep up. When it was over, I fell to the ground, aching all over.

"Had enough?" I caught from what sounded like a young girl full of contempt.

"That song's okay, even though it's from my favorite band," I grunted, rising slowly.

"What?"

"Guess I wasn't imagining things, when I thought you were outside my house," I told the Accelgor Gijinka, standing once more.

"Yeah, I'm here for payback."

"For your pal? I admire that, I really do."

I pointed my sword at her. "Unfortunately, the same tactic doesn't work twice."

"You sure about that?" she said, surrounding me with Double Team.

"Motherbucker."

She and her copies came at me all together. I spun around, blade extended, but hit nothing. Some of the images disappeared, but there were too many. Every time I got hit, I struck down a copy. By the time I'd go through them, I will have lost at this rate. Time to heat things up, pun intended.

I pulled the trigger on the sword's backside, which activated its mechanism. I had taken this from a pirate who dubbed it "Inferno," and renamed it…

"Light `er up, Ignus!"

The blade set itself ablaze, growing red-hot and illuminating the area around me. I turned it down and stabbed the earth.

"Ring of Fire!"

Two circles formed in the dirt, enclosing the Gijinka and her clones. Once they did, orange flames erupted six feet from the ground, enveloping everything inside the space of the sibling rings. After the fire died, the real Accelgor was rolling around, screaming and burning. The mechanism disengaged itself, allowing me to tend to her. I pinned her and pulled a Rawst and Sitrus Berry from my shirt pocket.

"Here, eat these."

"I don't want your help, Massacre—"

"Finish that sentence, and I will shove these down your fucking throat, little girl! Now EAT!"

_That really gets on my nerves._

Grudgingly, she ate them and was, for the most part, fine. To make sure she didn't escape, I tied her up with steel cable. I don't need to tell you where that came from, do I?

"Jerk."

"And who attacked who first?" I retorted, picking her up and walking back the way I came.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Guess not, since you'll just kill me."

"Back up."

I dropped her at my feet.

"Ow!"

"What makes you think that?"

"You already killed my friend, why not me?"

"Wow," I uttered. "Quick on your feet, not so much in the head

"My job requires that I gather intel, which would be hard to do, if I killed everyone I fought."

"He's alive?"

"He ain't happy about it since he's locked up, but yes."

She sighed.

"I'm supposed to take you in for questioning, OR you can tell what you know now."

"And you'll let me go?" she asked, hopeful.

"Oh hell no, either way, you go in. Saves you from Doyer's methods if you cooperate, however. He's nowhere as nice as I am. Your call," I summed up.

She made the right call, in my book. She didn't know much, but I learned from her description of Arceus, the man in white was involved. Why he was pretending to be the Alpha Pokémon? What was his endgame? It had "bad news" written all over it, any way you looked at it. Typical "world domination" and "global destruction" scenarios don't seem to suit him. Why, I had no clue.

_Why me, plot? Why me?_

**Mike: Seriously, why?**

**Me: Don't make me use the Eraser!**

**Mike: *gasp* You wouldn't!**

**Me: I'm crazy enough to do it, and you know it!**

**Mike: Okay, okay, I'm going. Just, take it easy.**

**Me:... *sigh* I'm losing my mind.**

**Sorry about that, he tries to do fourth-wall, but he sucks. Anyway, thank you, Dwizard and jetfire101, for your submission-things. If they're not in the next chapter, they'll be in a future one. And thank you, SlayerY0Y and kaedinfrost, for liking and following my tale. The biggest thanks, however, is reserved for Doodlefish0. He has some stories of his own, and I have to say, they're very good. If you like mine, give his a try, and let him know I sent ya.**** And now, NOTICE TIME!**

**It'll be a few months before I post another chapter, only because of my personal project. If you've read my bio, you know what it is. In the meantime, please, leave a review, or PM me for any ideas you might have for our friend Mike. And again, you have my gratitude for reading and supporting me. This is (the real) Mike, signing out and wishing you the best of luck in your endeavors, in honor of the Monty Oum Project.**

**Mike: Such a great man...**

**Me: Yeah... WAIT A MINUTE!**

**Mike: Gottagobye! (scurries away, the author chasing after him) He really needs to get out more.**


	9. Overdose

**Nearly three months, but I made significant progress on my personal project. Thank you for being patient.**

**Mike: They kinda had to.**

**Me: Back again?!**

**Mike: If you wanted me gone, you would have killed me off earlier. Question: would that be considered murder or suicide?**

**Me: Oi.**

**Tessa: Can you guys keep it down, before I bash your skulls in?!**

**Me &amp; Mike: What the flip?!**

**While I figure out who let these dogs out...**

**Mike: Good song.**

**You guys enjoy the start of the "Triad Arc."**

"Slugga!"

"What are you yelling about now?" Jennifer asked.

I looked down below at the ground from the top floor roof. Jennifer was in civilian clothing again in front of the house.

"Have you seen Slugga? Can't seem to find her," I shouted down.

"Why are you looking for her?" she yelled up.

"She tends to wander off, so I never know if she's around or not. To be honest, I think she might be mute."

"Why does that matter?"

"If she's in danger, I wouldn't know it. Not that she can't handle herself, but I can't stop worrying for her."

"I'm sure she's fine," she assured me. "Anyway, did you remember to ask Jacques if he would like to work with the police?"

"No, but I have a very good reason why."

"Why?"

"He's a bit evil! 'Course, most Hypno are."

"Seriously?"

"I kid you not!"

It's a scientific fact Hypno are underhanded. They're always working in their own interest, but they're not as dangerous as you'd think. Just don't expect any charity from them.

"Fine, just hurry up. We have another case."

"Got it."

I decided to leave Slugga be. She always comes back. Wonder what she does.

* * *

"YAHOO!" I yelled, a la old Yahoo! commercials, minutes later as I drove down the streets of Jubilife, Jennifer and Davis accompanying me.

"Slow down, man!" Davis yelled. "You're gonna make me hurl!"

"What's the name of that disorder where everything you eat comes up back?" I asked casually, swerving around a corner.

"WILL YOU SLOW DOWN?!" Jenny screamed, barely audible over the roar of the Bronco's engine.

"This is how I was taught by my friend Diane, or as I like to call her, Black Tifa."

"What's a Tifa?"

"A popular Final Fantasy character. Thing is, she and Diane are pretty similar. They both own a bar, they're badass women, and their chests are nothing to scoff at."

Even through the motor's noise, I heard Davis upchuck his breakfast.

"If that's how he is from the mere _mention_ of great women, you have your work cut out for you," I addressed Jennifer.

"He's not my boyfriend!"

"I thought you were partners."

"Are you actively trying to get me to shoot you?" she vehemently asked.

"I'm not sure anymore."

I slowed down after getting on Route 203 and stopped before Oreburgh Tunnel.

"What am I fighting this time? Gurdurr, Alakazam? Please don't tell me it's a Hydreigon. I really don't want to see what the human form looks like, three heads and all."

"Didn't you get the file on your phone?" Davis asked, weakly.

"If it's a smartphone thing, I don't have one," I said.

"Oh, dude."

"I don't need a smart phone to know I'm a dumb person. And unless it can boost my brainpower, I can live without one."

"Anyway, a group of Poison-type Gijinka was spotted in Solaceon Town," Jennifer started. "So far, they haven't done anything, but it's only a matter of time."

_Poison-types? Oh, man!_

"How many?" I sighed.

"Four, and they have a Drapion and Seviper with them."

I looked up at the clear sky. "Arceus, what are you doing to me?"

"That's why we're here."

"To put me out of my misery?"

She groaned, getting out of the truck and walking to the bed backside. I got out and joined her.

"I got you covered," she told me, opening up a briefcase she had brought.

"This is a VSS, or Vintorez, used by the Spetsnaz. Uses PSO-1 telescopic sight, 1PN51 night vision and a heavy subsonic 9x39 SP5 cartridge, or SP6 for armor-piercing. Both come in 10 or 20-round box magazines. Barrel is 200 millimeters, equipped with a 284.36 mm suppressor that wraps around the barrel. Mainly used for covert ops, hence the suppressor."

She explained all of this while assembling the rifle. When she was finished, she had what looked like a short and beefy Dragunov.

"Where did you get something like that?"

"I have a guy."

_You have a lot of guys._

"Jenny, you mind reaching in my bag for Mike's comm?" Davis moaned, lying down.

"My what?"

"Your comm device," Jennifer repeated, rummaging through a messenger bag and pulling out a small metal case. She withdrew a wireless earbud from inside and handed it to me.

"Ah, that's neat," I said, taking it and putting it in my right ear. "I take it Davis is going to be our techie?"

"It's why I'm in the force," he said, sounding a little better.

"That explains why they ignored the blatant squeamishness."

"Look, a Banette!" she shouted.

I yelped and hid behind Jennifer, like a man. After realizing there was no Banette when she started giggling, I said, "Very _funny._ Get in the truck, woman."

We headed out again, not stopping until we reached Solaceon Town. The community was about the same size as Sandgem. At most, excluding the Daycare, there were just under a dozen houses that looked exactly the same. If I lived here, I'd never find my home. I blame Zoro. You could barely see the Ruins over the treetops. Such an odd place…

"Uh-oh," I said.

"What 'uh-oh?'" Jennifer asked.

"I think I left a Pokémon at the Daycare."

"When?"

"Obviously, the last time I was here."

"Which was..?"

"…Crap."

_I plead the 5__th__! Crap, that doesn't apply here… does it? Double crap!_

"You don't remember."

"In my defense, I was here a LOT."

"I thought you quit the Trainer life."

"I stopped battling. I was always more of a collector, anyway, like a fat Gary Oak."

"Who?"

"Green."

"Ah," she understood.

I parked in front of the Daycare. "I see nothing."

"You didn't even get out of the truck."

"I don't need to to see that no Gijinka are here! Where are they supposed to be?"

"We're here to locate them."

"Aw, MAN! I can't find my cup when it's right in front of me, so how am I supposed to find SIX Pokémon?!"

"She said 'we.'"

"My point remains. The Drapion and Seviper are easy enough, but the Gijinka? Unless you guys know what they look like, they'll be a bitch to find."

I sighed. "Well, time to play hide-and-seek."

I got out of the vehicle, and looked out to the open spaces of the facility.

The only boundary being an old wooden fence, all the different varieties of the mystical creatures seemed to be enjoying themselves. Some, mostly Fighting-types, were wrestling. Others were taking siestas in the sunlight, or relaxing in the ponds. There was one oddball, an anti-Waldo if you will, that stood out. A human was floating—_floating_—a few feet above the green grass. Dressed head to toe in purple, they turned on their side, revealing a skull-and-crossbones on the front of their long-sleeved shirt.

_Where's an "Easy" button when you need one?_

"Excuse me," I called out to them from the rail, hoping the obvious-Koffing Gijinka would rouse.

Seconds later, they straightened themselves out and lazily drifted towards me.

"Can I help with something?" they yawned. No telling what gender they were.

"Where are your friends?" I asked.

"What friends?"

"Really, you're gonna play dumb?"

"I don't know what you're asking," the Gijinka replied.

I decided to change my approach. "So when did you get like this?"

"Huh?" They looked down at themselves, then screamed. "When did I get feet?!"

They screamed again. "When did I get hands?!" For whatever reason they deemed fit, they patted their groin. With a sigh of relief, they commented, "Thank Arceus that hasn't changed."

"Seems you changed unknowingly," I stated.

"You know what I am?"

"A Gijinka. All the ones I've met so far claimed that Arceus changed them."

"If that happened to me, I'm sure I would remember."

"If you want to return to normal, your best bet would be to come with me. We'd have to do some tests first, but I've no doubt we can change you back."

"Anything's better than this weird body."

Before the Koffing did anything else, a stream of red-hot flames hit it from behind, triggering an explosion that blew me away. I hit the side of my Bronco.

"Ow, that smarts."

Looking to where the Gijinka was, that part of the fence was reduced to ash, no traces of the body anywhere.

_Guess Koffing _are_ just gases._

I stood up, finding a Seviper with fiery wisps escaping from its mouth by a pond. _And_ a Drapion. Where are they all coming from all of a sudden?

_Three down, one of them dead. Who are the next contestants on this week's edition of Beat-Down?_

I marched at them, but got stuck in some purple goop. I had literally stepped in my newest problem, a frickin' Muk. Or Grimer, I had no idea. All I know was the dude was slimy, in _every sense of the word._ Only half-formed, though, as his "legs" had mine glued. Then, another Gijinka appeared; a heavy set woman whose appearance was **filthy**. Her hair was sporadically matted and her skin was all crusty, and I'm not even gonna _guess_ what is on her dark jogging suit.

…_Does anything need to be said at this point?_

The Garbodor moved surprisingly fast, slamming into me with the full weight of her physique. Never underestimate chubbies. I slid on my back, stopping just inches from the nearest house.

"Ooh, road rash. Ooo, that stings."

Picking myself up, it hurt a little as I cowboy-walked back to my truck. They were confident enough to allow me a breather.

"You alright?" Davis asked, popping his head out from the bed.

_Guess Jennifer found some cover elsewhere._

"Seriously, if you're just gonna hide, you may as well have stayed behind," I complained, a little irritated, understandably. "Hand me the duffel bag."

He tossed it at my feet, before ducking back down. Rolling my eyes, I rummaged through the contents.

_Damn my no-gun policy. Oy, what would be best for this situation? Wish I had brought Muramasa with me, but that'd be overkill, honestly. Ooh, Earthshaker. Nah, too much Greek in the world. Fenrir? No, too feral. NR-36Q "Eradicator?" Even Vlad the Impaler thought that was going overboard. Speaking of overboard…_

I pulled out, with great difficulty, the biggest sword I had; bigger than me, even. After I lugged it out from behind the vehicle, I miraculously hoisted it onto my shoulder.

"This is my ego!" I shouted.

Instantly, my legs gave out, Ego having trapped me.

_Dagnabbit, how do Cloud and Siegfried do it? Curse you, male overcompensation!_

While I struggled to lift the Ego off me, the sludge dude, now fully-formed, made his way over to me and squatted by my side.

"Why were you talking to my friend?" he asked.

"Does it matter at this point?" I grunted.

"No, but I admit that I have no idea why you're here."

"Really? You haven't heard of me?"

"I have, but we didn't attack anyone."

"Yet, your pal went kablooie!"

"It's sad, but that's life."

_Yet, you aren't crying. You either weren't their friend, or you're psychotic._

"A real friend would cry!"

The adrenaline finally decided kick in. With it, I swung it down while on my back, splattering him all over. The weight and momentum allowed me to do the 'Wheel,' which is basically a vertical spin across the ground, my weapon acting as a tire. Everything was a blur as I spun, but I know I was headed for the pond. With a great heave, I soared through the air at the Drapion, thinking I was a badass, which I was. However, the oversized bug proved to be more badass, stopping my attack cold with its tail-claw.

_Annnd I'm doomed._

And I was, but not by the scorpion's hand, so to speak. The Seviper struck, wrapping around me and started squeezing me.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, easy on my back," I hissed involuntarily.

There was a stabbing pain in my shoulder, as the viper sunk its large red fangs into me, injecting venom. I could already feel it coursing through my veins, draining my strength. Ego dropped from my hands with a heavy thud, while I fell to my knees. The black and gold serpent unraveled, slithering to the Drapion's side as I fell on my side, my vision starting to blur. There was something red shining in the pond behind them, but I was unable to make it out. Everything went black…

* * *

_It was an out-of-body experience, showing me a platinum blonde in a cheap suit heading inside an office. He was a little shifty, constantly looking behind him as he walked through the unoccupied space, until he went through an open door, stopping in an empty room._

_"You have nothing to fear," a cold voice assured the man. "You played your part perfectly."_

_The man in the black turtleneck appeared before him, seemingly out of thin air, alongside the woman with the crimson glove._

_"I have the drive, Boris," the blonde said, sounding a little grim._

_"I know," Boris told him, smiling. "As I said, you did a splendid job. We'll take it off your hands now."_

_The worker reached into his pocket and withdrew a USB drive. He handed it off to Boris, who looked like he won the jackpot._

_"Your payment has already been transferred. This will be the last time we meet."_

_The man walked away, leaving them with a look of relief on his face._

_"What's on that?" the woman asked, curious what Boris had paid so much for._

_"This, dear Helga, is information on every Slayer, former and active."_

_"You couldn't look it up on the Internet?"_

_"It was only recently that they uploaded their records onto a secure server."_

_Using a tablet he had brought to view the data, Boris plugged in the flash drive, anxious to find them. A video uploaded onscreen, of a short fiery-haired sorceress and a tall blonde swordsman fighting monsters._

_Helga chuckled. "That's the series 'Slayers,' written by Hajime Kanzaka. Guess he never heard of the ones you wanted."_

_"Hold that thought," Boris responded, handing the tablet off to her before going after the worker._

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I was lying down, staring up at the sky. Judging from the vibrations, I was in the back of my truck. Who is driving my truck?!

"He's up," I heard Davis say.

_Jennifer's driving, huh?_

"Aw, motherchucker," I groaned, sitting up.

"Up already, huh?" Jennifer commented.

"At this point, I think it's safe to say I'm resistant to poison," I replied. "To a degree."

"I had them in my sights when the snake bit you, but someone suddenly materialized and covered the area in a purple cloud."

"The Koffing intentionally blew itself up," I surmised. "Should have seen that coming."

"Don't beat yourself up," Davis comforted.

"Good idea, I'll beat you up, instead."

"Why me?"

"I've known teapots with more bravery than you, Mr. Cower-in-the-Truck! Last I checked, policemen, even ones like you, are supposed to be handling the situation!"

"I'm not too keen on getting shot, man."

"In case you haven't noticed, you and Jennifer are the only ones with guns, so I don't want to hear your excuses."

"Mike…" Jennifer started.

"Don't tell me you're on his side."

"I was going to say we're home."

We made it to Sandgem. How long was I out?

"And for the record, I'm not getting mixed up in a budding bromance."

"Say that… one more time," I snarled.

She pulled up in front of the Center. Forget to mention this, but they double as hospitals for humans.

"Give me a hand, Davis."

"I'm fine," I argued.

"Davis."

He pulled a Glock on me.

"Alright! God, you're a terrible friend."

"I know," she replied, smiling.

"Uh, guys," Davis said, holstering his handgun. "We may have to hold off on the doctor."

I looked behind me. "Aw, man! How did they get here?"

The Toxic Avengers were coming down the central street, led by a lady. She was dark-skinned, a black dress with strands of fabric pretty much covering it up. On her head, was a blue helmet of some kind, with two large "rubies" sitting on either side. She had a commanding air about her, making her the one in charge.

"Alright, here we go."

I climbed over the tailgate—never do that, kids—and grabbed my bag. I made my way to meet them, a bit peeved.

_What is with them? Bad guys, not bad guys; friends, not friends; make up your minds!_

I stopped in the middle of the road. "OY!"

"Dah!" the floating one screamed, hiding behind the trashy Gijinka, poking its head out. "You're alive!"

"No," I said, speaking in a cheesy spooky voice. "I have come back to the dead to haunt you!"

I even wiggled my fingers for effect. The rest of them were unsurprisingly unfazed.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," I admitted in my normal voice.

The lady stepped forward. "You're Michael, huh?" she asked in a stern voice.

"Sounds like I've become popular."

"Even Pokémon gossip. For instance, I've heard that Gijinka claim to have seen a man in white they believed to be God."

"Wild guess: you haven't."

"Who knows?" she dismissively replied.

I groaned. "Fine. You don't want to be straight with me? Be that way. Not going to stop me from beating your asses."

I drew my scimitar.

"Really?" she said dryly.

"Your pals tried to blow me up _and_ poison me, so, really."

"Well, if that's how you want it…"

My whole world turned upside down.

_Guess I fight that Tentacruel after all._

The dangly things on her dress had grown and expanded into tentacles. I failed to notice a few snake my way.

"Ready for a pounding?"

"That sounds wrong. Very, very wrong."

She slammed me against the ground I don't know how many times. I'm surprised my tiny brain still works after all the abuse. I heard some kind of muffled bang after she flung me back up. All I know is that it caused her to release my legs and send me soaring through the air. I landed on someone's roof. Miraculously, I didn't fall through.

"Oh, geez. At least things can't get worse."

The wood groaned.

_Fuck me._

The lumber and tiles gave out. I fell through and landed hard on my back.

"That hurt more than the first landing!" I shouted in pain.

With a possible broken back, I stood up. I was in someone's bedroom, which was embarrassing, seeing as I dropped in on this couple's "private" time.

"Not my day," I sighed.

I was yanked out by what felt like an invisible fishing hook. I dropped onto the house next door, which, incidentally, was mine.

"Huh, never would have taken Mary Sue for a Poképhile," I thought out loud, trying to ignore my back pain. "I really should apologize to her and Mr. Mime, with a cheesecake."

I rolled off the roof and landed on the railing with my back.

"Huh, I feel better."

I slid off onto the ground, headfirst.

"Not so much now."

I flopped onto my belly.

I heard a door open, then Rai saying, "I heard something on the roof."

"There's nothing on the roof, Rai," Luke said, a moment later.

"That's because it landed down here," I corrected him, a little stiff.

"Dad!"

He landed at my side. "You alright?"

"My new life-purpose is to be a hacky sack."

"He's fine," Rai stated.

They helped me up, Heart and Kong joining the party.

"Are you hurt, dear?" she asked.

"I'll live," I told her.

"Who are you fighting this time, big guy?" Kong queried.

"Remember weeks back, when I said I'd rather fight a Tentacruel than go to the party?"

"Oh, Mike!"

"I don't control these things! I'm not the Playwright!"

"Who?"

I had let slip about a certain… being. Luckily, they had no clue.

"You know, 'life is a stage' and all that."

"I'm sensing eight Auras, moving this way," Luke declared.

"Eight? There's six of them, and two of them are regular Pokémon."

Luke and Kong suddenly ran out to the road. I saw two blurs come from the direction I came in. The guys jumped and caught them.

"Oh, I'm think I'm gonna hurl," Davis moaned, held by Luke.

"You guys, too?" I asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, sorry," Jennifer apologized as Kong put her down. "I did nab this back, however."

She was holding La Espada.

"Thanks," I conveyed, taking it back and sheathing it.

"Now what?"

"Luke, are they still heading here?"

"Yes," the jackal answered.

"Dagnabbit! Worse yet, I still don't know where Slugga is. She'd be a big help right now."

"She's been downstairs with me the whole day."

"What?!" I squawked. Not intentionally, just came out that way.

"I've been working on my defense, starting with Ground attacks."

"Oh."

"Were you looking for her on the roof again?" Rai questioned me.

"Maybe," I replied, averting my eyes.

They groaned.

"Dear, Slugga doesn't climb buildings."

"She can climb waterfalls, but not my house? Sounds like a paradox to me."

"So are many things you do, Mike," Kong pointed out.

"Like what?"

"Michael!"

_Here we go again._

They came back, I assumed, to finish the fight. The Drapion and Seviper, for whatever reason, were MIA. I felt the need to make something clear.

"It's Mike!" I shouted, stepping forward.

"All the same when you're dead!"

"What did I do to you?"

I couldn't see her eyes.

"You abandoned me. You pushed me to the brink, again and again, and for what? Just so you could me toss aside. You have no idea what that did to me!"

I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't know anyone like her. I mean, I had never caught a Tentacruel in my life! Wait. It couldn't be, right? There was only one way to know for sure, unfortunately.

"Naiad?"

The expression on her face when she looked at me, the tears in her eyes, they answered for her.

"It is you," I surmised.

Before Slugga, I had a Tentacool I fished out near Valley Windworks. A Buizel would have sufficed, but considering the newfound Fairy-types, I figured it would be smart to have another Poison-type. At the time, I was Bastard Mike, pushing his team to exhaustion. Not long after, Heart had evolved and changed me for the better. Due to previous experiences, expectedly, Naiad wouldn't open up to me, and not from lack of trying. I thought I did the right thing, when I traded her for a Psyduck. Seems I should've tried harder.

She wiped away her tears, putting on a strong face. "Yes, it's me."

"In all fairness, you weren't even trying."

"Because you hurt me."

"I didn't say you were being irrational. But in case you didn't notice, I tried to make up for it. And nevertheless, changes like that are a two-way street."

I wasn't getting through. Sometimes, reasoning isn't enough.

"Did your new Trainer treat you well, at least?"

"She did."

"That's good to hear."

_Despite the current situation._

"There was no God," she suddenly stated.

_Huh?_

"Not for us, anyway," Naiad continued, looking at her comrades. "We had come down with some kind of illness a few weeks ago. Seviper and Drapion didn't. Once we recovered, one by one, we became what you're seeing now."

"Whoa. That's new."

_So Arceus isn't the only cause. It would appear to be the Pokérus. How, though? It didn't do that to my family._

"Thanks for the info. Still gonna fight me?"

The four of them took their positions, while I hung my head in submission.

"Chin up, Dad," Luke said, standing by me, palms outward. "Can't fight them, if you aren't looking ahead."

"Right. Is it just you, then?"

"That hurts," Kong commented from my other side.

"Sorry. What about Rai and Heart?"

"They went to get the others," the primate answered, his fists raised.

"Right. Let's get this over with," I finished the conversation with.

Now, what happened next was a mix of a dust cloud and purplish blur, but I'm 86% certain the Drapion sprung from underground and knocked me down with Poison Jab. Or was Cross Poison? Maybe it was the Seviper again. If my head wasn't screwed on… All I know is, I got poisoned again. Possibly a lethal dose, which didn't give me much time for a Pecha.

_Seems this is goodbye. Not my day._

Everything went dark.

* * *

_**Oh man oh man oh man oh man.**_

"_Target acquired."_

"_YAAAHH!"_

_I avoided the slash from a red-eyed girl with long black hair. If I hadn't, I'd be the tree that was cut down middle in half._

"_Nyahaha!" I cried Three Stooges-style, running away further into the forest._

"_Continuing the assignment."_

"_Of all the people I had to run into, why did it have to be Akame?!"_

_You heard me: Akame of Night Raid, as in Akame ga Kill. Also, Akame "gon" Kill ME! And I did nothing! To the best of my knowledge, anyway._

_Let me start from the beginning. My job was to make the attempt of recruiting the assassins of Night Raid to our group, the Death Guard. Technically, the Death Guard is a set of elemental weapons, but not the point. Alas, there appears to be a case of mistaken identity. Not the first time. The "attempting to take my life" part is new._

"_If you would just give me five seconds, I can explain this," I argued._

_It was a faint flash on my right. I dove to save my neck from the giant scissors of a bespectacled woman in a Chinese dress._

"_Great, who's next?" I complained, still running. "Mine? Bulat?_

_I tripped over a root and started bouncing downhill._

"_Son…of…a…bitch!"_

"_Over here, Big Sis!"_

_**Crap! Tatsumi and Leone!**_

_I couldn't stop rolling even if I tried. Sadly, all it took was a double-boot to my face._

"_Ohh," I groaned, plopping onto my back on the forest floor._

"_No escaping, big guy," the scantily-clad blonde chirped._

"_Kinda got that."_

"_Finishing the assignment."_

_**Oh boy.**_

_I fell through a hole I conjured up, covering my escape with a green smoke I breathed out, but I wasn't quick enough. Akame cut my arm, and now her sword's poison was making its way to my heart as I popped out another at a safe distance, slumped against a tree. Despite the attempt on my life, I would try to contact them again. Next time, in broad daylight._

"_Oh, man. I hate this part."_

* * *

When I came to, everything was moving like it were submerged in tar, all slow like. No one seemed to notice I was conscious, however, as they fought each other. Luke, with Rai on his shoulder, took on Naiad, pulling off the move that was the mouse's namesake; Raikiri. It's basically an electrified Iron Tail, but it kicks major ass. The rest of the Toxic Avengers were down and out, the rest of my family watching over them.

Guiding the makeshift weapon with his left forepaw, the Lucario went after the Tentacruel like a wild animal. You'd think all the training he does would give him some composure. He couldn't touch her, as she used her tentacles to move in all directions. He'd get close, then she'd pull away at the last moment. She's toying with him. I wanted to help him, but my body was paralyzed from the poison.

_Luke, you have to clear your head_, I thought, hoping he could feel my Aura_. She's riling you up on purpose. I don't know if it was me, or something she said, but you can't lose your cool. You're better than that._

I don't know if he heard me, but his actions suggested so. He backed away, slowly moving his hands. The manner he was starting to practice was Tai Chi. You would recognize it if you've seen Katara or Korra from the "Avatar" series waterbend. All of his species know it: it's how they channel their Aura, along with the "sensors" on their heads.

_`Atta boy, Luke._

Sparks crackled on Rai's cheeks, electricity still charged around his Iron Tail. Luke gathered his hands together, away from Naiad's field of vision. He manifested a sphere of blue energy, which the Raichu charged with the leftover lightning, coloring it yellow. Naiad created countless bubble-like balls at the tips of her tentacles. Launching them one after another, Rai covered his partner by cutting them down with his appendage-turned-weapon. Luke charged at her, past the slithering arms and within a foot of her, shouted, "Shock Wave!"

He released the Electric Aura, a spraying effect upon the last standing Gijinka. She flew, then fell. She was twitching, but she didn't get back up.

_You done me proud, boy. You done me proud. Zzzzzz…zzzzz…zzzzz…_

* * *

_After cutting off my poisoned arm with my scimitar, I took a swig of an elixir I had for such an occasion. Within seconds, I had grown a new arm. Flexing my fingers to get used to the replacement, I reflexively shot an energy pulse from my hand. I heard a grunt, then a thud. When I looked in the direction it came from, I didn't see anything. Only one conclusion._

"_We finally meet, don't we, Bulat? Technically not, since you're using your Trump Card."_

_A man covered head to toe in silver armor with a red spear on his back suddenly appeared._

"_You know who I am?" he asked, already serious._

"_I did my homework on Night Raid, seeing as I need their strength."_

"_What makes you think we'll help?"_

"_Have you heard of Slayers?"_

_His silence was all the answer I needed._

"_If you've heard of them, then you must know something about their Maniac."_

"_Who?"_

_I growled, standing up and facing away to show him the Slayer mark on the back of my shirt. The best way to describe the emblem is two sets of four brackets overlapping to form a hollowed-out plus sign inside a square reticle turned on its corner. Basically, a fancy crosshair. Its meaning is, once you're in our sights, you're as good as dead._

"_You're Mike."_

"_Whew," I sighed with relief, turning around. "And here I thought—"_

_I got blasted away by a large stream of energy._

"_Dagnabbit!" I yelled._

_Face-planting into a tree, I fell, hitting a bunch of branches on the way down. I got tangled in this mess of string, which had me hanging upside down a few meters above the ground._

"_I __**had**__ to get caught in Lubbock's Imperial Arms."_

_**If you don't know what that is, you haven't seen the series. And if you haven't seen the series, go see it! I'm in enough trouble as it is without copyright infringement.**_

_Thinking of how to escape what is essentially the most dangerous weapon of all… what? You don't believe me? Look up Walter of Hellsing or Doflamingo and tell me they're not badass. Anyway, back to my situation. I struggled against the wire, fighting the coiling tightness. I could feel it cutting into me, but that didn't stop me. Suddenly, it loosened, giving me a chance to get out. Before I landed on my feet, a yellow blur hit me, knocking me into a tree._

"_Owww," I grumbled._

"_Not getting away again, Mick," Leone said, all pepped up._

"_Do I look like a Mick?" I asked, getting up once more._

"_Not really, but that doesn't mean you're off the hook."_

_One by one, the members of Night Raid surrounded me. Their leader, Najenda, was nowhere to be seen. I had hoped to convince her, since it seems Bulat didn't believe me. I actually had to sit down and think._

_**Damn! I'm **_**way **_**over my head. My Triad's on the fritz and I somehow got into a fight with one of the most dangerous groups in the universe. I have to hightail it now, before I get killed.**_

_I stood up and took off my dress shirt. Underneath, I had an arm band on each arm. They had a simple enchantment that, with the proper movement, create a "pulse." Nothing very strong, but enough to push people away. Tucking my shirt into my shorts, I ran towards Leone. Before I ran into her, I swung my limb down, activating their magic. I propelled through the air, far beyond their reach by increasing the distance between us via midair pulses._

_**I'll have to let one of the others handle them. I can't convince them that I'm an ally at this point. Damn, and I was hoping to see if I could use Lubbock's Cross-Tail. That thing is so cool…**_

* * *

"Dad."

I snored.

"Dad," Luke repeated, firmly.

"More pressure in the shoulders, Do'Nam," I mumbled.

"DAD!"

I snorted myself awake, shooting up into a sitting position, involuntarily headbutting Davis. Why he was so close, I couldn't tell you.

"OW! MY FACE!" Davis yelled, rolling around whilst covering his face.

"Sorry," I apologized.

"How are you not dead?" Rai asked.

"I don't know how to die," I joked.

"You had enough poison in you to kill two people," Jenny stated.

I looked around me, surrounded by my family. Their faces had worry written all over.

"A LOT of things should've killed me," I replied with a sigh. "Maybe the universe wants me to suffer. Maybe it has something important for me to do in the future. I wouldn't know."

I stood up and walked towards town.

"Where are you going, dear?"

I stopped and turned, mustering the most serious look I could. A few seconds of silence, I said, "To demolish a buffet."

They groaned, hanging their heads. I couldn't help but chuckle from my little act. I continued, singing a weird little tune I made up.

"_Guantana Maria, my wondrous wife_

_Guantana Maria, the star of my life_

_Guantana Maria, my pride and joy_

_Guantana Maria, oh god she's a boy!_"

**Mike: I like that one.**

**Me: You would.**

**Tessa: Why was Night Raid in it? Is this a crossover now?**

**Me: Yes and no. Mike is a foreigner, someone who's been to other worlds. It's a mix of Tsubasa by CLAMP and Kingdom Hearts.**

**Mike: Cool, but how come I forgot about that?**

**Me: One, you're you. And mostly two, something happened to you that caused the memory gap you have.**

**Tessa: Sounds cliche to me.**

**Me: That's fan fiction for ya.**

**Mike: So wait, I'm getting my powers back?!**

**Me: Maybe...**

**Mike: D'ohh!**

**As you saw, Mike is slowly remembering things in the form of dreams. Again, it's been done before. The first dream was just a dream, though. As for the "Triad," other than the fact there's two more elements left, I won't divulge anything else. Thanks to Narcosis Ouroboros and WojoClan, for following and favoring my tale, respectively. Don't forget to leave a review, please.**

**Tessa: He _really_ needs them.**

**Mike: And appreciates all critique.**

**This is Mike and company, wishing you well and signing out.**


	10. Hero or Monster?

**Mike: What the hell am I doing NOW?**

**Me: How would I know?**

**Mike: YOU'RE WRITING IT!**

**Me: Doesn't mean I know what I'm doing.**

**Mike: Oy.**

**Anyway, I ended up getting a new laptop, as my other crashed on me. I had what I needed on my USB, so it's all good. Rest in peace, Model One. You were such a great help. Enjoy the newest installment, folks!**

"God, it burns!" I screamed from the bathroom in my house.

Only hours after the Poison-types were defeated, I had decided to go out to eat. However, I didn't make it very far. It would seem that while toxins can't kill me, they can do everything else. It's official; the universe is a sadist.

"Get out of me!"

After a few more minutes of agonizing effort, which you're better off in the dark about, I emerged, alive and drained. Groaning like the undead, I limped to my room.

"Fuck you, universe. Fuck you."

I stopped and turned around, growling like a Poochyena. Forgot to flush. After disposing of the incriminating evidence, as it were, I made it to my room. I plopped onto my bed, facedown.

"Good grief," I grumbled, closing my eyes.

"Do you feel better, dear?"

_Oh, boy. Forgot she was waiting. Why, though? Dammit brain, must I upgrade?!_

She was sitting only inches away from me.

"I'm still breathing. Admittedly, I tried to force it. I need more fiber in my diet."

"Come here," she requested, patting her lap.

I drug myself up to her, laying my head down on her lap.

"This is nice," I sighed blissfully, as one of her vines stroked my hair.

I looked up at her. Every time I see her face, I can't help but wonder what she sees in me. I have to say, though, I've been hearing good things about us chubbies lately, especially bedroom-wise, but I digress. One thing still bugs me, even if she said it was okay.

"Are you really okay, with this situation?" I queried.

"Yes," she replied sweetly.

"How? You were against me being with other women before, so what changed?"

She smiled. "I've said it before. When Vulcana and Current told me how you felt, I knew you wouldn't leave me."

"Heart, it's more guilt than love.

"Don't misunderstand, Heart, I do care for you. The thing is, I'm human, and not one of the better ones. I try to pay attention and be smart and understanding, but I fail epically most of the time. I mope over many regrets I have, one of them being a bastard to you and the others."

"Dear, don't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm not. I'm just pointing out my flaws."

"No one's perfect, especially me."

"What?" I sat up, aghast by her comment. "How could you say that? You are to me."

"I'm a jealous person, Michael. I can't stand potential rivals, even though Pokémon have been known to share mates. I just want you to be mine."

"That's it? You suffer from jealousy?"

"Dear!"

"Sorry, but that's small stuff. People my age cheat on each other, have 'friends with benefits.' It pisses me off. Ruined the whole relationship thing for me."

"Is that why you tried to push me away?"

"Not at all. However, my thoughts are people shouldn't be in a romantic relationship, unless they plan to commit. If I plan to spend time with someone, I want it to mean something, to be of worth. They're a waste of time and effort, otherwise. Am I making sense?"

"Very," Heart replied.

"That's good to hear. As for jealousy, c'est la vie. As long as you don't go yandere on me, that is."

"Yandere?"

"Initially loving, eventually psychotic. Plus, it's not like it's unfounded."

She giggled. "You're very nice, dear."

"I try to be."

There was a knock on my door.

"Pretend we're not here," I mouthed. I just wanted to go to sleep.

"I see you," I heard Current say.

"D'oh!"

"Come in," Heart said for me.

The door opened, letting in Vulcana and Current, the Blaziken dressed in a long silver t-shirt and blue jeans.

"Please don't tell me there's one left," I whined.

"No," Vulcana responded, shaking her head.

"We just came to see how you were feeling," the lioness said.

"I'll live," I told them, lying down.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Aside from intestinal distress, which is really nothing new for me."

"O…kay."

"Forget I said that," I yawned. "I'm sleepy…"

* * *

We've all had one of those nights where you just fall asleep, soon as your head hits the pillow. Sometimes—especially if you're me—you don't even realize it. When I came to, the girls were lying close to me, keeping me warm on all sides, particularly the shiny Luxray at my naked feet.

_Okay, how do I get out of bed, without waking these girls?_

I looked at Heart, then Vulcana, then Current. They looked content, even blissful, in their slumber.

_Then again, I don't have an important date or anything._

My phone had a different opinion, as it went off. It roused the ladies from their sleep.

_Dagnabbit!_

Very irritated, I flipped it open and said, "What now?!"

"We need you at the station," Cynthia said, unfazed.

"Not even a whole sixteen hours and I have to work again? We need to talk about benefits and time off."

"After you get to the station."

"One of these days I will snap, and it will not be pretty."

"Until then, get over here!" She disconnected. I groaned, closing my phone.

"More work after yesterday?" Vulcana asked, concerned.

"Yyyep," I responded, climbing out of bed.

I put on my dress shirt and shoes.

"I've been wondering, dear. What's the meaning of that crest on your shirt?"

She was referring to the Slayer Mark. Been years since I really called myself one.

"It's just a relic."

I walked back to the bed and gathered the Pokémon in my arms, holding them tight.

"I love you, girls," I said simply. "I hope you know that."

"We love you, too, Mike," Current replied, returning my hug as best as she could, alongside my flower and avian.

Reluctantly, I withdrew from them and bid farewell for the day. I walked down the stairs. Beyond the living room window was a blanket of shadows.

"Jeez, what time is it?"

I went outside quietly thru the front door. The open air was brisk, stripping any grogginess I still had away. With Sinnoh being north of Kanto and Johto, you can expect year-long cold weather. Me, I'm naturally hot-blooded, and the fact that I am a human bear don't hurt. I strolled through the town, the only source of illumination being the occasional streetlight. I'm genuinely surprised Sandgem has them, small town as it is. When I got to the station, there were a few policemen already there, working at their desks. One of them noticed me and gestured to the back. Within seconds, I was standing outside one of the interrogation rooms. Taking a breath, I opened the door.

"You're here," I heard Red said.

I closed the door.

"Mike!" Cynthia ordered.

"You rang?" I asked, opening the door once more.

"Get in here."

I entered, shutting it behind me. "Shouldn't we be in the other room?"

"Just sit," she declared.

I did as she commanded, sitting down in the closest chair, not knowing why.

"So, what did I do?"

"Nothing," Red said, sitting across from me.

"Uh-huh," I said skeptically, looking from the kid to the blonde in black. "Why don't I believe you?"

"I know this isn't the best place to talk."

"You think? Next time, let's meet in a courthouse, with a judge and jury! And for my lawyer, I pick the Turnabout Terror."

"Who?"

"Ace Attorney Phoenix Wright."

"_Who?_"

"Never mind," I conceded, shaking my head. "Why am I here, if not for any charges?"

"Ever heard of a guy named Hunter?"

"Hunter Hayes?"

"No," Red stated, "and since when do you listen to country music?"

"Anything's better than Justin Bieber, I'll say that right now. I don't care who hears me."

"Anyway," he started again, "he was apprehended in Kalos, charged with poaching rare Pokémon."

"What kind?"

He reached into his backpack and pulled out a feather. While it was a reddish gold, it was shining in all colors under the light as he twirled it between.

"Is that what I think it is?" I asked, unable to believe my eyes.

"One of Ho-Oh's feathers. He was severely injured by Hunter's arrows."

"How did he find Ho-Oh? It's one of the few Legendary Pokémon that has no known migration patterns or resting spots."

"Doesn't matter. If he could find the Rainbow, he could find Suicune, Cresselia, possibly even Mew."

"Well, it's a good thing you guys got him," I concluded.

The Champions looked at each other, a little uneasy.

"Aw, man!" I dropped my head onto the table.

"I don't know what happened, Mike! All we know is he got away."

"That ain't the problem I see," I grumbled.

"What _is_ the problem, then?" Cynthia inquired.

I lifted my head. "You're gonna have me find him, that's what."

"We're not," Red said.

_Huh?_

"I made Hunter my personal responsibility. You focus on the Followers. I just wanted to see if you knew anything." He stood up. "Come along, Cynthia."

She followed suit and was about to leave with Red, when I decided to speak up about my newfound info.

"There's a possible connection between the Gijinka and Pokérus."

They stopped before the door.

"How?" Red asked.

"Yesterday, I ran into one who was on my team once. They said they grew ill, but after recovering, they changed."

"Did you believe them?"

"Not much to gain from lying about their transformation. Plus, it couldn't hurt to look into it."

"Fair enough. Take care, Mike."

They left.

"Off to home, then," I said to myself, before making my way out.

Later in the day, I had busted out the boxing gloves.

"Oh!" I grunted, being thrown down on the mat, yet again. "I keep telling you, this isn't how you box!"

"I'm not a Hitmonchan, Dad," Luke replied, helping me up.

"Doesn't take one to know you're not allowed to use jujitsu in a boxing match."

I had chosen to train with Luke downstairs, since I figured the enemies would get tougher from here. Wasn't really looking to be a punching bag, but what can you do?

"What are you trying to accomplish here, Dad?"

"Spatial awareness, Luke. Knowing where everything is."

"I don't think that'll work for you," he argued.

"What do you mean?"

"You managed to get this far without it."

"Key phrase; this far. Time and again, I lived through whatever was thrown at me. Scar, Jawx and the Gijinka so far. Yesterday, though… I lost **twice** in one day, due to being oblivious to what's happening around me. The only other time I was beaten so badly was by Seth."

"Seth?"

"A chameleon Beastman, not that much bigger than me. To date, he beat me ten times, because I was unaware. The next time I fall, I might not get back up, Luke."

"Dad, you have us. Me, Rai, Kong, Vulcana. We'll always have your back, you just have to ask."

"What do you think I'm doing now?" I asked.

"Repeatedly losing?" he quipped.

I frowned. "Wise guy."

I threw a punch, but he used it against me, flipping me onto my back.

"Will you stop that?!"

"Not everyone boxes, Dad."

"Humor me, at least."

"Maybe later. Can't continue on an empty stomach, right?"

"Dinnertime?"

"Dinnertime."

Rolling to my feet, I resigned for the moment, eager as usual to stuff my face. While I wanted to keep going, I knew what happens when you push your body too far. Not to the verge of death, mind you, unlike my battles. Let's hope my luck runs for a little longer.

* * *

That Hunter dude, he's been popping up all around. TV, Internet, newspapers; everywhere you go, he's there. From what I've seen of video clips on some websites, he is dangerous. He uses a longbow of some kind, but there's no signs of augmentation with his arrows, like Hawkeye or Green Arrow. His appearance screamed "Fable" to me. For those of you who never played the Xbox game, it's a very enjoyable game. One of the interesting things is, your Hero's appearance changes based on your choices. Enough good choices give you a halo, and enough evil ones give you crabs. Whoops, I meant "horns."

Hunter's gear was definitely influenced by evil. All dark and bloodstained, his clothes were hanging off his thin body almost like drapes. The weapon he carried resembled something called Skorm's Bow, which is pretty much a knockoff of the Epirus Bow. The only way you can get it in the game is to sacrifice some people at this temple. I tried, but it requires no less than perfect timing.

I sighed, walking around the living room with my hands in my front pockets.

"Mike, calm down," Rai said, watching yet more coverage on the rogue via TV.

"I am calm," I told him, pacing back and forth.

"Then can you stop moving around, please? You keep blocking the news."

I complied, continuing behind the couch.

"Okay, you need to find and pummel this guy."

"Why?"

"Because listening to your footfalls is even worse."

"Just tune me out. Can't be that hard."

He scoffed. "My big ears don't allow me that luxury, Slim Jim."

"Yeah, yeah," I dismissed.

"Seriously, why aren't you after him? He doesn't look very tough."

"How many people have said that about you?" I retorted.

"Fair enough."

I finally had enough and sat down.

"Red said he would handle the guy."

"And since when do you listen to him?"

"I don't, but I am getting worried."

"That he'll call for you and insist he has things under control, thereby 'guilting' you into fighting Hunter?"

"You get me," I agreed.

"More than I'd like to admit."

"This just in!" the teal-haired reporter announced, suddenly appearing on the screen. "The criminal known simply as 'Hunter,' has been sighted just outside of Jubilife City. Authorities are advising all civilians to remain inside, as to minimalize casualties."

"Three, two, one," Rai and me counted down together.

My phone started ringing. I answered.

"Thank you for calling Poké Mart in Sandgem," I said, pinching my nose to disguise my voice while Rai snickered. "This is Manwell speaking, how may I help you?"

"Oh, sorry, I have the wrong number," Red apologized, sounding a little dumbfounded.

"It's me," I confessed, unstopping my schnoz. "What do you need?"

"Are you watching the news?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You sure you don't know who he is?"

"I have an inkling."

"What do you got?"

"Hold that thought," I said.

I got up and walked through the kitchen, and out the back door. I don't get why, but I felt I had to keep the rest secret.

"I really have no idea who Hunter is, but he may be a Hero from Albion."

"Then why is he doing all these things?"

"Heroes from there, not all of them are good guys. The Hero's Guild is pretty flexible when it comes to one's alignment. In fact, their appearance is influenced by their alignment."

"How does that help?"

"It doesn't, but knowing he's not much without his bow does. That said, be prepared for literally anything. Heroes aren't a dime-a-dozen."

"Got it. I'll let you know what happens."

He disconnected.

"Hiding something, big guy?" Vulcana asked, coming out the back door wearing long shorts and a tube top.

"Yeah, I rule all the regions from the shadows," I answered sarcastically, closing my phone.

"Very funny."

"Red just wanted my opinion on that Hunter guy."

"I don't get it. You say you don't like the guy, so why do you do these things for him?"

"Because I respect him. Respecting someone and liking someone are two different things. They don't always go hand in hand."

She folded their arms. "What about me and Current?"

"Kinda hard for her, since she walks on all four."

"Mike."

"I'm kidding. I have respect for all of you, except for Rai."

"Why?"

"He once put me in an iron maiden, while I was asleep. Hard to respect someone who does that to you."

"Isn't that the name of a band?"

"It's also the name of a torture device, a very hurtful one."

"Why do you have one?"

"…I want to say something sarcastic, but it may not come out as intended. Annnd I forgot what it was. That's gonna keep me up tonight."

"Why do you have one?" Vulcana repeated.

"Eighty-seven percent of the junk in the house isn't originally mine, and that weird thing ain't in high demand. Last I checked, anyway. I could do a haunted house thing, though, make some cash selling tickets. Annnd I lost control of my train of thought."

The following perverse thought made me shiver, despite it involving Esdeath.

"Mike," the Blaziken stated.

"Hmm?"

"That Hunter person seems to be the human version of Jawx. Do you really want to stay out of this?"

"What can I do? I'll get killed before I can reach him."

"Same as it was with him. That didn't stop you from helping us."

She was right in a sense, but that was more for me than them. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," they say. Does it hold true for the opposite, as well? I can only hope.

I sighed. "Feel like doing something stupid with me?"

She smiled. "What did you have in mind?"

(3rd person POV)

Uptown Jubilife had become something of a combat zone. Cars were either destroyed or on fire. Officers on scene were on the ground, mere pincushions full of arrows. Hunter had laid waste to them, firing one after another at an inhuman rate. The only one left standing was the World Champion, who had decided to aid the police. Red was winded, three or four bolts stuck in him. He wasn't giving in, not until the so-called "Hero" was stopped.

Hunter's impish face bore no emotion when he spoke, bow in hand.

"Pretty resilient," he said, a dark tremor to his voice.

Red glared in response.

"Give me the stink-eye all you want, it won't change things."

"Why are you doing this?" Red asked with some difficulty.

"Is there need for one?" he countered.

Red's eyes widened with the realization that the man was insane. Hunter drew yet another arrow from the quiver tied to his waist and readied his weapon.

"What's your name?"

"…Red," the Champion replied.

"Red. I'll be sure to remember that."

Pulling the bowstring tight, the red plate covering his bow-hand began to glow a bright blood-red.

_Where are you, Mike? _Red thought, getting worried.

A moment later, he heard screaming in the distance behind him. He looked over his shoulder to find a black Bronco swerving down the street, someone hanging onto the roll cage for dear life.

"Stop this bloody thing now!" a young man in orange yelled, trying desperately not to fly off.

"You're here," Red sighed with relief.

(Mike's POV)

"We're not there yet!" Kong shouted.

"Stop the truck this instant!"

He did, the pickup screeching to a halt. I kept moving, soaring through the air until I landed between Red and the Hero.

"Last time he drives," I groaned, getting to my feet.

I heard a thud. Red had collapsed.

"Red!" I ran over to him and kneeled down. He must've blacked out. He was still breathing, even with the arrows in him.

"I got him covered, Dad," Luke said, having come over to tend to him, Vulcana and Kong following behind him. "You worry about that guy."

Leaving him to use his Aura, I turned my attention the Hero. Hunter had relaxed his weapon a little.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"A colleague, let's leave it at that."

He drew back the string in an instant, poised to kill. I stopped.

"How did you get here?" I asked.

"If I knew that, you think I'd still be here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I fall asleep back in Oakvale, and when I wake up, I'm in someplace called 'Can-too.'"

"It's pronounced 'kahn-toh,' pal," I corrected him.

"Irrelevant in this situation," he said. "Now again, who are you?"

I flung my arms out a little. "Why do you need to know my name?"

"So that I know who I killed."

I wasn't fazed by his words. So many ways to say the same thing. I smirked.

"What are you smiling about?"

"I've been to Albion once, but not for very long. Nice place, the Guild. If nothing else, it was educational."

"Weird choice for last words, No-Name."

He released the projectile. He was shocked when I caught it with one hand. They all were.

"How did you do that?" Kong queried, mouth agape.

"You have Will?!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Will" is what Albion calls magic. In the time I was there with my friends, I learned one spell, one that helped me keep up with many an agile foe.

"Let me make one thing clear to you, Hunter," I said, dropping the bolt. "I'm not invincible."

"That's not what you're supposed to say," he replied.

"I won't lie, even if you are an enemy. I don't see a need for intimidating you."

He chuckled. "Have it your way."

Sheathing his bow on his back, he drew a mace from the same spot. Its head was a simple blue sphere, the whole of the weapon being very detailed and ornate. I responded by drawing my scimitar.

_Here we go. Slow Time._

(Luke POV)

"Okay," I said, finished repairing Red's last wound with my Aura. I stood up, ready to help Dad. When I turned, I saw Kong and Vulcana just standing there.

"Aren't we here to help Dad or not?!" I accused of them, standing by their side.

"We would," Kong objected, "if we knew which one he was."

"What are you talking about?"

He pointed out to all the wreckage, where I saw two blurs move about. Their Auras were hard to keep track of, but his showed nothing abnormal.

"He did something that kind of sped him up," Vulcana explained.

"Albion," I stated.

"What?"

"Dad, among his _many_ quirks, tends to talk in his sleep. One of those things was a place called 'Albion.'"

"How do you know that?"

"We watched him sleep," Kong told her. "He wanted someone to keep an eye on him after his 'Chocolate Thundah!' nightmare."

"Don't ask," we interjected before she could.

I heard a shout. Dad fell against a totaled sedan, battered and bloody.

"Not even thirty seconds," Hunter commented, towering over him.

"Yeah, I just know the basics," Dad coughed. "What I can do, anyone can do, if not better."

"Hmph." The criminal put his club away. "Don't meet a lot of honest people."

"I can imagine, Matias."

Hunter drew his bow. "I gave up my real name when Oakvale burned, and I've been wanting to hunt that masked man down ever since."

"Vengeance, huh? I hope you dug enough graves," my father warned him.

Hunter readied his weapon. "I always keep a spare."

Rushing over, I pushed Hunter away. He stumbled.

"Don't you dare lay another finger on him!"

"Who's the mutt?" he asked Dad.

_What did you call me?_

"Yeah, he doesn't like that particular word."

"Okay, how about son of a—"

I wailed on him before he finished that sentence. I let my anger take control, but it was worth it. One palm thrust after another to the upper body, he refused to go down. He actually caught my attack by the wrist, twisting my arm and forcing me on my knees.

"Give me one reason, mutt."

He kept the hold tight. I thought my arm was really going to snap off.

"How about this?"

(Mike POV)

Back on my feet, I plunged La Espada into Hunter's chest. Gasping his last, he fell backwards, releasing Luke's arm.

"You killed him," Luke said.

"I wish," I told him. "He'll be back up in a minute."

"Dare I ask how?"

"You know my skunk juice?"

"Yeah."

"All Heroes carry at least one vial of something like it, revives them within seconds. Or minutes, I could never remember which one it was."

I checked my pockets for something to tie the Hero up with, but came up empty-handed.

"The one time I don't have rope. Keep an eye on him for me, I need to check my bag."

I went over to the truck and grabbed my bag. Rummaging through it, I was careful not to cut myself on the many blades inside. While I looked, I was injured. Now, I've seen this meme for Skyrim, and I have one thing to say: why me?

"Dammit!" I yelled, dropping to the ground, clutching my knee.

"Are you okay?!" Vulcana had come to my side.

"I took an arrow to the knee, how do you think I feel?!"

"Okay, geez! Just calm down."

"What part of 'arrow to the knee' do you not understand?!"

It was lights out for me. Not from the pain, but from Vulcana hitting me on the head very hard. When I came to, I was in the hospital, in bed.

"Ah, you're up, Mr. Hogrelius," a man with graying hair in blue scrubs at the foot of my bed said, holding a clipboard.

Sitting up and rubbing my head, I asked him, "How long was I out?"

"You only just got in an hour ago, man," he answered. "You're lucky the arrow didn't completely destroy your knee, but you're still gonna be stuck in bed for a while longer."

_Figures. And that joke is NOT funny._

"Lucky?"

"Yeah, relatively speaking, of course. If your sciatica nerves had been damaged, you would have no further use of that leg."

"Okay, so I was lucky. What about Red, though?"

"He's still being operated on."

"What room?"

"He's in good hands. You just take it easy, pal."

"Afraid I can't do that," I objected, getting out of bed.

My knee nearly gave out as I got to my feet.

"Hey, easy there!" the man exclaimed, rushing to stop me. "Any strain now _will_ destroy your knee."

"It'll have to hold up until I find Hunter," I retorted, resisting. "Then, I'll break it off in his ass."

"It can wait."

"No, it can't!"

I slugged him in the solar plexus, putting him down for the moment.

"Sorry, but I'll feel at ease when Hunter's gone."

Despite my conviction, I had no way of stopping him. Slow Time doesn't give me enough of a chance, especially when his agility is beyond mine. Luke hardly did any damage, and who knows how many vials of that stuff he has. I just know he's still kicking; Heroes aren't high in quantity for a reason.

I shuffled off into the hallway and kept my cool as I walked, in case a silent alarm goes off. As I was about to exit the building through a side door, something dark passed me by out of the corner of my eye. Looking in its direction, it had disappeared. On a hunch, I decided to follow the shadow. Every time I turned a corner, I only saw traces. Yet, I couldn't stop trying to catch up. The optimist in me thought it was the Hero, while the realist believed I was wasting my time. Either way, I wasn't turning back at this point.

Around the next corner, I had caught up with the figure. It was Hunter, standing in front of a room window unarmed. Much as I would love to beat him down, doing so in here would jeopardize people's lives. All I could was walk up to him and see what was beyond the window. A team of surgeons was hard at work, trying to save Red, who was under anesthesia on the table.

"Guy like that won't die so easily," Hunter commented.

"No thanks to you," I growled.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

Infuriated by his remark, I grabbed the archer by the throat and pinned him against the wall behind us.

"Give me one good reason why I should let you live!"

He was unfazed by my threat. "You're above that?"

I put some muscle in my grip, show him how serious I was.

"Try again."

He smiled condescendingly. "Heroes aren't worth a shit if they don't have a monster to fight."

"It's better to be a warrior in a garden, than a gardener in a war.

"Besides, Slayers aren't heroes. Glorified bounty hunters, if not vengeance-seekers."

"Which are you?"

"Neither. Why would it matter to you, anyway?"

"Because now, you have my interest."

In a flash of dark light, he had vanished into thin air.

"Damn Heroes… wait a minute. He can teleport?! Goddamn, he's OP!"

_Ohh, it feels good to say that. Too many OP people in the world…what? Why are you giving me that look?_

Red made it, in case you were worried. I can't say I'm not. Hunter went off-grid, hiding. The next few days, while Red was recovering in the hospital, I kept up on my work. Probably shouldn't, with my knee the way it is, but something tells Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum won't be handling things if I go on vacation.

"Yiii-yi-yi-yi-yi!" my newest opponent laughed, as they swung from branch to branch in the woods north of Floaroma.

"Dagnabbit, if anyone is going to have to a weird laugh, it'll be me!" I shouted, trying to keep up.

Their outfit- shirt, pants, even their hair- was all purple, except for the extra set of hands. That's right, a freaking Ambipom Gijinka! Stole the shirt off my back! Their two suspender straps had big yellow fuzzy-things on them, holding it up as they breezed through the trees, while I was stuck running on the ground.

_The only way I can catch up is if they decide to run through the meadow._

As if I commanded them to, the monkey changed direction. They fled to the field of flowers outside the forest. I made use of my newfound opportunity to close the distance between us. Something whizzed by my ear, hitting the Gijinka in the back of the head and bringing them down. When I reached them, they had reverted to their original form in their death. Yes, I said "death." Really no other way to explain an arrow in their head. Stepping lightly as I approached the body, I retrieved my oxford shirt.

"You missed," I stated grimly.

"By choice," Hunter replied loudly, the malicious echo ever present.

Replacing the chemise onto my shoulders, I turned around. In the tree line, I didn't see him. He must have been hiding along the tops or, most likely, behind one of the trunks.

"I thought you returned home."

"Believe me, I would love nothing more."

_Behind me?!_

I whipped around, scimitar drawn. Aside from the corpse, no one was there.

"I'm in no mood for your games!" I yelled, quickly losing my patience. "Come out so we can settle this for good!"

"No need to finish this so soon," he said all chipper. "We can still have some fun!"

"A monster like you shouldn't be alive in the FIRST PLACE!"

There was a moment of silence. Then, the whole forest, in all directions, began to shake. Bird Pokémon of all kinds flew away in a panicky fashion.

_Uh-oh._

He revealed himself, standing about ten meters from me, in the center of the field.

"I don't recall Heroes having that kind of ability," I said, referring to whatever he just did.

Sheathing his bow, he replied, "It's why they call me the 'Dayshadow.' I'm the only known Hero who can hide in the light."

_What did I tell you? OP! DAGNABBIT!_

"As if this wasn't hard enough."

Sighing deeply, I readied myself. I had made up my mind to stop him, and I would not falter now. Him or me, that's the only outcome I will allow.

"What I am now, was not really my choice," Hunter said.

"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that…" I took my place.

_Cliché, but true._

He drew his mace, poised to strike. It's times like this when you need that western tune, the one that goes wah wah wahh. Before I could react, he closed the gap in an instant. I reacted instinctively, blocking the swing of his club with my blade. The force of it made me stumble, allowing him to connect a second blow to my side. I tumbled through the meadow, only to be hit again like a golf ball. Going up high, he joined me, only to bring me down. Upon impact, I was stuck in the ground, unable to move.

"Dammit!" I grunted, trying to wriggle out. Hunter landed next to me on his feet. He lifted me out and flung me away. There's no denying it; I'm a hacky sack. After landing on my noggin, I picked myself up, a bit dazed. Staggering, the Hero laughed.

"Oh, man! You have some weird death wish!"

Shaking off the confusion, I looked at him. "Believe what you will, today will be your last."

I pointed my sword, or my fist, as I seemed to have misplaced my weapon.

"You may have gotten that backwards, pal."

He switched to his bow and drew an arrow from his quiver. In spite of knowing I had to move, my legs didn't respond. Then, the weirdest thing happened, and I only say that because I didn't expect it. I threw up, a lot.

"Oh, oh," I coughed after basically turning inside out.

_Poor flowers._

"You're _that_ scared of dying?" Hunter chuckled.

"Not gonna lie, I was poisoned not that long ago, and now it seems it has reared its ugly head once more."

"Hmph."

"Ooo, I think I have one more heave left."

I was right. Once again, I spilled my guts. While it was gross to see what came up, there was something shining in the mess. Against my better judgement, I picked it out. Yes, it was gross, but I don't remember eating anything like _that._

It was a jewel of some kind, small and toxic-green. While I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me, it shattered between my fingers, a light breeze carrying it away.

_The flip was that?_

"That's enough of that. Goodbye, No-Name."

He released the arrow. Though it spun through the air at breakneck speeds, I saw it. Did that gem do something to me? Leaning to my right, it past me by. He was a little stunned this time.

"No magic? You keep me intrigued, but it won't last."

He readied another arrow, moving his lips like he was saying something. The bolt gained a ghostly glow, then it flew. The glow separated from it, becoming a swarm of arrows.

_Another Will power, great._

I'm starting to think that jewel was a stat-boost item of some kind, seeing as it gave me the speed to evade all of them, with some grazing. Before he could fire another, I practically flew straight at him. He blocked my punch with his bow, immediately brandishing his mace. I stepped to the side, dodging his downward swing and countering with another punch. It connected with his face, allowing me to follow up with a few more. He took another swing, but I ducked and laid the point of my elbow into his stomach. He croaked, dropping his club. I took the high-quality stick and, with a twist for momentum, I struck him on the chin, knocking him off his feet. He landed on his back. The Hero tried to get up, but I pinned him under my foot. I had a good mind to smash his skull in with his own mace.

"Hehehehe," he chuckled.

"What?" I asked sternly.

"I told you, Heroes are zeroes without a monster to conquer. So, why this façade?"

"Façade?"

"I know who you are, Maniac. Hard to meet someone who hasn't heard at least one of your exploits. After all, killing isn't what necessarily makes a monster."

"Then what does?"

He chuckled some more. Even after vanishing in a flash of dark light, his laugh grew into a bone-chilling cackle.

_Really? You're gonna do that? Oi-yoi-yoi._

"Least I got his mace."

POOF! Yes, it disappeared with a poof.

"Mothershucker!"

_What did I do to deserve this, universe?! First the beatings, then gonorrhea, now an arch-nemesis?! Why, oh why ME?_

**Mike: You have a lot of self-loathing, don't you?**

**Me: Shut up.**

**Mike: That proves it.**

**Me: Ugh...**

**Tessa: Bordering on cross-over...**

**Me: Don't you have an appearance at some club?**

**Mike: Hey, why don't you do that for the next chapter?**

**Me: Out. Out. Out. Out. *pushes them out of the office* Bloody OC's.**

**Hunter: You're telling me.**

**Me: OUT!**

**Why don't they listen? Anyhow, this is not a crossover. I keep it up, though, and it will be. And like Rex, Hunter will be back. And yes, Phoenixir, he gave in to lust. Name one person who hasn't given in to temptation at some point. Enough of my rambling. This is Mike, signing out with hope that this chapter was good. **


	11. Plenty Of Time, Pt 1

**Alright people, listen up! This will be my first two-part special. It may be my only one, depends on how it turns out. Hope you enjoy! **

"So he got away," Red surmised.

"Yeah," I confirmed.

It was later in the day, after Hunter the Hero got away _again_. Red was strong enough to speak, in spite of pierced lungs, as he laid in bed. I had chosen to fill him in, sitting in a chair beside him.

"Now what?"

"Now we pray he was just a cameo."

"A what?"

"A one-time guest star."

No reaction.

"I know. A guy can only hope, right?"

"I guess."

"I gotta ask. How are you alive?"

"There are some good doctors here. Right now, they're just making sure there's no contaminants in my lungs."

"Sounds fun."

"I'll live."

I sighed, surprisingly relieved.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"Trying to fight him."

"Red," I started, "I commend you for that. Few people have that kind of courage. And I did say Heroes are the top-dollar guys. Living to tell about fighting one is nothing short of a miracle, no matter who you are."

"He let the two of us live. If he's as bad as you say, then why would he do that?"

That was a good question. Heroes who are completely evil have horns on their forehead, but he didn't. On the other hand, he's definitely no angel. Hunter kept saying Heroes needed monsters, but Red isn't like me. He's kindhearted, and people from every region love and respect him.

"Mike?"

"I really don't know, but it doesn't change anything. He has to be stopped."

"Rex," Red stated.

"No."

"Why not? You said he goes after evil souls."

"First of all, I never told you that. Second of all, how did you find that out? Third of all, in case you forgot, HE'S AFTER ME!"

"You didn't, Internet, and I did forget," he answered in succession.

"It's a smart idea- no doubt about that- but again, me target, so… ah, what the hell? I'll go find him."

I stood up, not entirely enthusiastic about my decision.

"If I die, I will come back as a Ghost and haunt you, just because. Either way, see you later."

"Wait, one last thing."

"What?"

"Is his name really Matias?"

_Okay, I'm a little scared now._

"He looks like a Matias, if that's what you mean," I answered before leaving the room.

* * *

_I better get a bonus for this._

Sitting in a secluded area on Route 204, I was tied up. Made to look, anyway, long as I don't wiggle too much. The plan was simple: lure him out into one of the eight well-concealed pitfalls around me. Team Rocket has taught me a thing or two as a kid. Off-topic, though. And yes, this plan is bound to fail.

"Is your device operational?" Davis asked, his voice emanating from my earbud. "Over."

"Say 'over' one more time. Go ahead, I _dare_ you."

"He's just doing a comm-check," Jennifer said.

Did I forget to mention Salt and Pepper were helping me? Yes, I said it; let it go.

"For the eighth time in under a quarter-hour."

"Technology is a fickle thing, my friend," Davis defended. "It's sound, however, compared to your idea."

"He found me before."

"So?"

"So shut up, and maintain radio silence, starting now!"

Silence.

"What was the go word again?"

I sighed. "Nincompoop."

"Really?" Jennifer asked.

"No one says it anymore, so it's perfect… and sad."

_Why is this starting to feel like _Archer_?_

There was a rustling in the underbrush.

"Here we go."

From out the tall grass, stepped a black-and-silver… wolf? Or hyena? I'll go with hyena, since it was the base model anyway. Moving on.

"I should've figured," I stated, watching the red-eyed canine. As it bared its fangs, six more of its species joined it. By comparison, its size indicated its place as pack leader.

"Either way, I got a dog to train. That did not sound right."

The pack of Dark-types rushed me, but- and I know people are gonna hate for this- they fell for my trap. The pit in front of me was exposed now, rendered useless.

"I definitely need an 'Easy' button."

I rose and walked to the edge, peering down at the dogs.

"Let us out of here!" the leader roared.

"So you can eat my ass? No thanks, Cujo!"

"We weren't going to eat you!"

"Yeah, and Aron don't eat metal. Goodbye!"

I left the edge.

"Wait!" a female voice yelled.

Groaning, I went back. "What?"

"What if we made you pack leader?"

"Already been done. Tell you what, you promise not to eat me, and I'll help you."

"We need food, though," another male cried.

"You have each other, don't you?"

"Please, human," the female pleaded.

"… I feel one nibble, and I'll bury you alive."

Undoing the rope holding my arms behind my back, I jumped down and threw them out, one by one. After throwing big bad Cujo out of the pitfall, only then did I realize climbing out would be a bitch. I'd need help, but first, the pack.

_So much for a steak dinner tonight._

Withdrawing a large, wrapped slab of meat from inside my shirt, I tore off the paper and chucked it up.

"Take that and get outta here!" I shouted.

I heard some howling, then movement leading away from here.

"Nincompoop."

About a minute later, Jennifer and Davis were standing on the edge.

"What happened?"

"Freaking Mightyena. Throw down some of the rope, will ya please?"

One end of it came to the bottom.

"What if you're too heavy?" Davis asked.

"Use a tree for a makeshift pulley."

_It's a no-brainer._

After wrapping the rope around my waist, when they were in position, I started climbing while they pulled. Within thirty seconds, I was out. I laid on the ground, rethinking my stratagem for finding the Son of Anubis.

"I got nothing."

* * *

"Mike."

With a yawn, I awoke, sitting on the couch.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"Seven," Luke answered.

"In the friggin' morning?"

"In the evening, genius," Rai replied.

"Is that why it's so dark in here?"

"You have a book on your face."

"Oh, that's right," I said, remembering what I was doing.

I lifted the book up and continued to write.

"What are you writing?"

"A pseudo-autobiography."

"A what?"

"I don't know, I just thought that up."

Rai hopped onto my lap, snatching it from me.

"There's nothing written in this thing," he exclaimed, turning the pages.

"That's because it's invisible ink."

"This isn't that strange book of yours, is it?" Luke asked.

"No… but you just gave me an idea."

Setting the mouse aside, I got on my feet and went upstairs. The "Script" may tell me where I'll find Hunter. There's just one little problem…

"You don't know where you put it," Luke stated dryly as I rummaged through a bunch of old books I brought down from another room, hoping to find it.

_Bet you saw that coming a mile away, huh?_

"It has a way of concealing itself. That's what makes the book so damn near impossible to find."

"How did _you _find it, then?"

"By chance."

"Huh?"

"I was looking for something to read a while back. You should have seen how I reacted when I first read the text," I laughed.

"Why?" my boy asked.

"Hmm?"

"If it tells the future, why would you keep it? People shouldn't know about their destiny."

"Believe me, I know that. Sometimes, though, I need a little guidance. Doesn't hurt that it keeps a record of people, as well. Man, would my government _love_ to get their hands on it."

"What do you mean?"

"My home country spies on its own people, for whatever reasons they deem fit. A book like that, containing every last secret of every man, woman and child in the universe, not something you can pawn off."

"Burn it, then."

"Something ancient protects it, Luke, something older than Arceus. Besides, the only ones who know about it are you and me."

"What about Rai?"

I looked around, he wasn't there.

"I can only wonder who he's gotten into now."

"Really?"

"You have to admit he's active."

He sighed. "What about your pockets?"

I face-palmed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Searching through my dozen pockets, I found it inside my shirt.

"We have to get rid of that," the jackal said.

"How? Charms protect it from being destroyed, and throwing it away would mean anyone can get their hands on it. You have to trust me on this, please."

"I do, I just… I was better off not knowing about it."

"Well, if it helps, it's picky."

He looked clueless.

"Here," I said, opening the leather-bound tome and held it out to him. "See anything?"

He took a moment to read it, and shook his head. "No."

"I've opened it many times," I told him, pulling the "Script" back. "And out of all of them, I've only been able to read it thrice. Like I said, it's picky about when it shows things. Annnnd I just realized it's not much use right now. Dagnabbit."

I slammed the book shut. Lot louder inside than outside.

"Did you have to do that?" Luke questioned me, covering his ears.

"Didn't think it'd be that loud."

I don't remember what happened after that. I must've fallen asleep again. I need a vacation.

* * *

"Dear," Heart whispered.

Zzz…

"Mike," Vulcana said.

Zzz…

"Do the thing, Current."

"YIII!"

_Why do I get the cold-nose? I'd prefer the shoulder._

Fully awake, I was sticking to the ceiling of my room. How, your guess is as good as mine.

"Can't I sleep in just once?" I whined.

"We need to talk," Heart said.

"That's never good."

I got unstuck and hit the floor, a high-pitched squeal emanating from my mouth.

"How could I possibly miss the bed?"

"Speaking of missing…" Vulcana started.

"I already told you it wasn't me."

"What..?"

"You are talking about the bathroom, right?"

"No!"

"Oh. Can I have a redo, or a little help up?"

They gave me the latter. Once I was on my feet, I reached for my toes. Always does the trick.

"Ohh, that's the stuff," I said after stretching. "So, what's up?"

The girls seemed nervous as they looked at one another.

"Um, dear, we're not mad or anything, but…"

"I did/didn't do something?"

"Sort of."

"You haven't made a move on us in Arceus knows how long!" Vulcana shouted, very agitated. "I get humans have 'jobs' that take up a lot of their time, but you shouldn't ignore us until we become convenient for you!"

I admit, I was a little mad they thought that. Most of it was just Vulcana, but there was some truth to it. The Gijinka and the occasional foreigner had me working, sometimes far from my family, but it was necessary.

"I never made a move because you always did. There are some things I know, but how to do that is not one of them. And even if I did, that requires confidence, which, contrary to what people might believe, is not my strong suit!"

"So you like your girls easy?" the Blaziken concluded.

"That's not it at all! Look, some women are difficult because they don't tell you what they want. And me, I'm not that great at puzzles. I just appreciate those who know what they want, and I'm sorry if I made you girls feel ignored, or worse, mistreated. I'm just trying to help people, in my own way."

"Great, now I feel like a bitch," Vulcana said.

My flower stepped forward. "Dear, I love that you're helping people. It's one of the great qualities you have. I just wish you would spend more time with us."

"I've repeatedly told them that. I am home a lot, though."

"You're asleep half the time, though," Current chimed in.

I sighed. "That settles it. I need a new room."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Vulcana pointed out.

"More the bed, really," I mused. "I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be a bed-shaped rock."

"Dear?"

"Heart, would you say the mattress is soft?"

"No."

"Well, that's why. It's uncomfortable, making it hard to sleep. It's got to go."

"I think you're missing the point," Vulcana stated.

"I always miss the point, and that's my point." I paused. "Did that make any sense? `Cause I think I just said a double-negative."

She sighed exasperatedly and stormed out, while Heart and Current followed quietly. That, unsurprisingly, gave me an idea to make it up to them. Once they were out of earshot, I pulled out my cell and dialed.

"Yo, this is Mike. Listen, you're not gonna believe this, but I need a favor."

* * *

A couple days later, still no sign of the Dayshadow nor the Son of Anubis. Not the current issue.

The girls, or more specifically, Vulcana, have been mad at me since our discussion. For some ineffable reason, I don't realize what problem someone has with me until moments after we're done talking. So, I called a buddy of mine and they got me tickets. Figured since she's part Fighting-type, she'd like…

"MMA?" the avian asked, wearing a beige tee and white jeans with rips in them.

"Mixed Martial Arts," Luke explained to Vulcana from the backseat, as I drove us to Veilstone City. "Humans use a blend of different fighting techniques to defeat each other, either by surrender- which they call 'tapping out'- or complete knockout."

"So it's Pokémon Battles, minus the superpowers?" she summed it up.

"See, I'm not the only one who thinks that," I interjected.

"Aside from the fact that no one tells them what to do during the fight, yes. They have some interesting maneuvers, though."

"Like what?" Vulcana queried.

"Well, one of them is something called an 'arm bar.' What you do is, you grab their arm—"

I slammed on the brakes, my son flying into the windshield as the Bronco came to a screeching halt.

"Why did you stop?!" Vulcana screamed.

"I don't believe it…"

Pop quiz: who could possibly be standing in the middle of the road, facing in my direction? Is it…

A) Hunter?

B) Rex?

C) Red, of all people?

Or D) a flock of Psyduck suffering from migraines, again?

"Found you," the Son of Anubis declared, his gauntlet shining.

Pop quiz is terminated, on account of someone giving away the answer.

"Who is that?"

"Someone I've been looking for," I told Vulcana. "Wait here."

I got out and walked up to the scantily-clad man, shutting the car door behind me.

"You here to take my soul?"

"It's what I do," he replied in his high-pitched voice.

"Before you do that, I think you should know about Hunter."

"Hunter," he repeated.

"He's hurt innocent people, and I have no idea as to his number of kills. Do what you want to me, but promise me you'll get him, too."

"Hunter… the Hero?"

"Yeah," I confirmed.

His face showed that he was mulling it over.

"He's the one that has been all over the news, right?"

"Mm-hmm."

"When did you last see him?"

"Floaroma, west of here," I told him.

"…Alright. Just so you know, you're off the hook yet."

He walked past me, down the road in the opposite direction. With a great sigh of relief, I went back to the truck.

"What just happened?" Luke asked, having recovered from hitting the windshield.

"I just got my vacation," I replied, a smile on my face.

I started up the truck and headed for Veilstone once more.

_Let those guys fight. Whatever the outcome may be, there will be at least one less person to deal with._

Veilstone City, the eighth largest city throughout the regions, home to Maylene, the Fighting Genius, and the Game Corner. I spent quite a bit of time in there, until I learned you can't cash in the coins for money. 12,857 of the suckers, not even worth one dollar. And no, I won most of it. Anyway, the MMA fight was being held in the Gym. Not much surprise, since humans train there, too. A huge crowd was gathered around an eight-sided cage inside.

"Why does this look familiar?" I wondered.

"It's probably from when you saw me fight Ace," Luke asked.

Hearing the name, I couldn't help but shed a tear for the late Portgas D. Ace. And by "tear," I mean "waterfalls."

_**WHYYYYYYYYY?!**_

"There, there, Dad," my son comforted me, patting my shoulder.

"Alright, can the waterworks, man," a referee with a clipboard came up and said in an obnoxious accent. "You're up in five."

"What? I'm a spectator, dude, not a competitor."

"Is your name Michael Hogrelius?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"You're fighting Jumbo next."

"I said I'm here to watch."

"George?"

A giant of a man came and picked me up, carrying me away.

"Wow, how much do you bench? Three, three-fifty? You have to, to be able to lift a guy like me. I mean, I weight two-eighty, so… but you knew that already, huh? Question for you: how is my name on the fighter list?"

Silence.

"It was Do'Nam, wasn't it? No wonder the tickets were cheap."

George threw me into the cage, minus my shirts and shoes. When I got up, the referee announced the fighter stats.

"To my right, standing at six foot even, weighing in at two hundred and eighty-seven, Michael Hogrelius!"

There was some cheering.

"To my left, standing at four foot one, weighing in at a hundred and thirty-five with a record of six wins by knockout, Leslie 'Jumbo' Crockett!"

The crowd roared with joy for my "opponent." The midget, dressed in yellow-and-silver shorts with silver-and-black gloves, looked pretty tough, almost like a real-life Little Mac.

"You gotta be kidding me," I complained.

The next few minutes were not pleasant. He had me in what felt like every hold and grapple technique known to man. I tried to tap out, but it hurt too much to move. Finally, the match was over, on the grounds that I was supposed to be George's punching bag. Oh, what a day to be alive!

* * *

The three of us all grunted as they put me on one of two beds, my body throbbing from the beatings.

"So soft," I crooned with some relief.

"Seriously, Dad, you could have taken that guy," Luke lectured.

Being banged up at the moment, I didn't want to risk driving in the rain that had started coming down when we left the gym. I found a parking garage to keep my truck dry. I really should get a roof for that, but I digress. I found a motel to stay the night in, and that's where we are now.

"Luke, there are two kinds of strength," I explained. "In my case, at least."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"I'm picking up sarcasm."

"You should be; I'm laying it pretty thick."

"Like I said to the referee, I was just a spectator."

"And the tickets?" Vulcana asked.

"Buddy of mine got two, saying I'd get in for free. Little did I know that would happen."

"Ah. Now what?"

"Seeing as I am momentarily paralyzed, I'm gonna sleep. You two have free rein. Just don't draw on my face."

After I said that, I sank into the bed, falling asleep.

(Couple hours later)

There was a knock on the door.

"Housekeeping?" a high-pitched voice asked.

"Come back in the morning," I mumbled, rolling on my side.

Another knock. "Housekeeping?"

"Trying to sleep here," I said louder.

Another knock. "Housekeeping, you want towel?"

"What part of 'sleep' do you not comprehend?"

Yet another knock. "Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?"

"Do that one more time, and I will demolish you!" I yelled.

Yet _another _knock. "Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?"

I opened my eyes. "That clinches it."

Getting up, my body was stiff and aching all over. The cold air didn't help, at all.

_So much for being sore in the morning._

Slowly stepping toward the door, I opened it. When I did, a big blue thing fell on the floor.

"Luke?"

He was snoring lightly, accompanied by a giggle or two.

"I don't know what happened," Vulcana said, coming inside a little scared. "We headed back to the gym when it stopped raining, hoping to catching more MMA. Halfway there, he started laughing and saying random things."

"Ahh, he's fine," I dismissed her worry. "He just got a whiff of some Nip."

"Nip?"

"It's some kind of catnip, but for Pokémon."

I picked up my boy and carried him to the bed. He was laughing a little in his slumber as I laid him down and threw the blanket over him.

"He'll be fine, once he sleeps it off," I said, watching him.

"What about all that stuff he said?"

"It's from 'Tommy Boy.' We watched it when he was a pup, and he loved it. Whenever he'd get the chance, he would watch it, again and again. It was his all-time favorite. Still is, it seems."

A lot has changed since those days. He always wanted to play a game, like tag or hide-or-seek. He was a little ball of energy. In a way, he still is.

"I'm sorry," Vulcana apologized, having shut the door behind her when I brought Luke in. Somehow, I knew

"Forget about it. You had a valid point."

"No, I didn't."

I looked at her, a quizzical look on my face.

"Heart said that you wanted to be romantic. That's admirable, but all we want is to feel wanted, desired by you."

"And I do. All it is, is I want to properly show you how much I care for you girls."

She walked to the foot of the other bed and sat down. "Then show me now."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"'Now' now?"

"'Now' now."

"My son is right here. Asleep, but he's right here."

"No excuses, big guy."

"Can we at least do this somewhere else?"

"Here, or not at all."

I fluttered my lips like a horse. She was being stubborn.

"Spontaneity at times can be romantic, but not if you force it."

"What's your point?"

"Romance is how I work, because otherwise, Little Mike won't come out of his hole."

"What?"

_Can't believe I'm about to say this._

"I'm a grower, not a shower."

"Does that mean you don't care for me anymore?"

She looked almost brokenhearted, staring down at her lap. Feeling bad, I went over and sat next to her.

"I've told you I have issues, right?"

She did a little nod.

"Well, the romance thing is… actually, the most apt way I can put it is, it's sort of a human mating ritual."

"A mating ritual?"

"Well yeah. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't Blaziken wrestle and the one who pins the other's arms over their head become the dominant one?"

"I wouldn't know. I never did that."

"No? Hmm."

I stood up and offered her my hand. "Come with me."

She looked up. "Why?"

"Just come on, please?" I asked politely.

Reluctantly, she took my hand, where I led her out through the backdoor, where the moon was shining on a damp grass field.

"What are we doing out here?"

"We are going to wrestle," I said, walking onto the wet grass after taking off my sneakers.

"What?" she chuckled.

"What, you don't think I can take you?"

"I seriously doubt that."

"Okay then, how about this? You pin me, I'll do whatever you say."

"…Alright." She stepped onto the grass. "You better not regret this."

"I won't."

Once she was ready, we began. I was a little too quick, trying to knock her down. I say that, because I slipped, falling past her. She quickly pounced on me, grabbing my arms. However, she didn't count on me rolling away with her. The surprise broke her hold, allowing me to turn the table. We just kept rolling around, then we started laughing. Eventually, I was on top.

"It's over!"

"Sure about that?" the fiery fowl smugly asked.

She pulled a reversal, putting herself on top.

"Curses! I've been defeated. But wait! What's this?"

While I was being ravished the week Garchomp was staying with us, I learned some things. One of them being, Vulcana is ticklish. Getting her sides, I took the opportunity to reclaim my throne, as it were. Even though technically I cheated, it was safe to say I won when I pinned her arms with one hand.

"Woo-hoo, I win! I claim this victory in the name of my husky brethren!"

Experiencing a sort of high from my triumph, I looked down at the hot chick (pun intended), who laughed a little from my proclamation. She was beautiful, her long hair-like feathers laying in every direction on the grass.

"You have wonderful eyes," I complimented her, my face inches from hers.

"Are you trying to romance me?" she asked.

"That depends. Is it working?"

"All too well," she answered sultrily.

(LEMON)

She pulled me in for a kiss. It was awkward with her beak, but the mutual feeling of love was conveyed in spite of it. My hands ran along her curves, while hers went up and down my back. Her warmth felt so nice, keeping her clothes dry after we had rolled around. I stripped off my outer layer, our tongues intertwined the whole time. Soon enough, I broke away to take off her pants. Unbuttoning them, I pulled them off to find she had no panties on.

"Were you expecting this?" I asked, grinning.

"W-well…" Vulcana stuttered, suddenly becoming embarrassed.

I chuckled. On a whim, I raised her lower half, supporting her as she sat on her head.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Take a wild guess," I replied, before I dug in.

She was already leaking, her love juices flowing from her lower mouth. Tasted like apple and cinnamon, a great combination. No matter how much I licked up- and I was lapping it up- there was more to drink. The Blaziken was enjoying every lick, judging from her ecstatic cries. It's nice to be on the offensive, I should do that more often. Won't stop me from being romantic, though. Before long, she tensed up with a squeal. I figured she was ready. I dug through my discarded garments with one hand for protection. Even though the doctor says my gonorrhea is gone, I ain't taking any more chances. However, I can't help but wonder how Garchomp doesn't seem to be affected.

Once I found it, I had no trouble putting it on after taking off my boxers. I kept her in position as I stood up and lined up my tool, inserting it once it was. Even through the latex, I felt the heat encompass my member. If I had been an Ice-type, I would have melted. Not to say I wasn't. Still, I kept a level head as I pounded her, asserting my dominance.

Vulcana's shouts of bliss made me worry about people coming out to watch. Little Mike, on the other hand, seemed to love the idea and grew bigger than I thought was possible for me. Unfortunately, at that same time, her inner walls tightened up. The combination broke me down, letting loose the white flood. Compared to the other times, which were fairly unreal, it lasted ten seconds or so. Withdrawing my spent four-inch limb from her moist cavern, my semen was pooled up in the condom tip.

_Not this time, you little suckers. The universe doesn't need my descendants running around, wreaking more havoc._

(L. End)

"You really should be on top more often," she panted.

"Yeah, sure," I replied skeptically, wrapping the used condom in a tissue to throw away later. I helped her up, then we put our clothes back on.

"Heart also said you're having problems with this arrangement," she said, as she zipped up her pants.

I sighed deeply. "Because harems hardly work out, unless you're in an ecchi or hentai. Or if you're Stan Lee. I'm going with Stan."

"Who is Stan Lee?"

"...We're gonna have a serious talk about how wrong that question is, but obviously, not now.

"With a harem, it's just a fantasy. Despite how humans cheat on each other, we're looking for a partner to spend our lives with. And for me, Heart is that partner. Frankly, this situation is unfair to all of us."

"Did you tell her that?"

"I've tried, but I can never explain anything properly."

"Well, does she have a problem with the way things are?"

"No, but—"

"Then there's nothing to worry about," she interjected. "Besides, I don't think you're satisfied yet."

"Wha…?"

She walked past me, giving my ass a good squeeze as she went back to the room. I looked up at the night sky.

"If you're gonna send me to Hell, just do it now and get it over with," I said, thinking of Arceus. I looked back at the fiery fowl, her hips swaying in an enticing manner. Damn her…

"On second thought, gimme fifteen—no… gimme thirty—no… gimme—AAH, screw it!"

I hurried after her, planning to do just that. Today, tomorrow, the day after: don't make a difference. Any way you slice it, I'm fucked. Might as well make the most of it, right?

**Looks like the kids are busy doing stuff. Yes, "Mike" is turning out to be a man-whore, but that can't really be a surprise, can it? Besides, Mike can't really go against Heart, he loves her too much. It may end up killing him, but he can't do it. Now, while I write the second half, I have a poll for you guys to do, which will help me decide something. You can find it on my profile page. Oh, and thank you, Cozmotron, for liking and following the "Life of Mike." This is Mike, signing out, waiting to see who wins.**


	12. Plenty Of Time, Pt 2

**Hello, how is everyone? Things have been a little hectic around here. The weekend before last, me and my buddies went to J1-Con 2016. This year's theme was "Pokémon 20," celebrating two decades of the 700+ species we know and love. One of the guests was Eric Stuart, who some of us may remember as Brock and James from the show. Others may know him as Gourry Gabriev, from _Slayers,_ which fits with this Lina Inverse cosplayer I saw. I didn't get any photos this time, which I should have; there were some great ones. But, I'm gonna make up for it, and then some, at J1-Con 2017, "90's Nostalgia." Maybe I'll see you there. In the meantime, enjoy the second half of "Plenty Of Time."**

Things have been a little weird. Well, different weird. So far, neither Rex, nor Hunter have shown up at my doorstep. Red, on the other hand, made a full recovery in the past few days. The bad part is, he's staying with me, in case something comes up.

"Why do you do these things to me, Red?" I asked as we walked through Sandgem.

"I can't help that I like being with you," he replied.

"That better not mean what I think it means."

"What do you think it means?"

"Red, at times like this, it's best to follow what I call the three D's."

"Three D's?"

"Don't know, don't care, don't wanna find out," I enunciated, counting them on my fingers.

"Ignorance is bliss?"

"Exactly."

I stopped and let out a small cry of frustration.

"What?"

"I went the wrong way."

I turned around and walked.

"Why does that happen? When I'm doing something, I go in the opposite direction of where I want to go."

"Where _are_ we going, by the way?"

I stopped and let out another small cry of frustration.

"First right?"

"First right."

I turned back in the original direction.

"See what I mean?"

"I do, but I still don't know where we're going."

"_I _need to talk to Davis. _You_ can go swim to the bottom of Lake Verity, for all I care."

"Okay. I'll see you back at the house."

I looked up at the sky, while I heard him walk away.

_Can't he take a hint?_

I finally made it to the police station. Jennifer knows where he lives, I just have to find her. They let me inside, no problem. Thankfully, Doyer was off today. Anyway, as I walked further inside, I found her in the break room, door wide open, making out with Davis.

_I knew it, _I thought, smiling a little. When I knocked on the door frame, they jumped away from each other.

"Relax," I chuckled. "It's just me, so you can go back to sucking face if you like."

"Ugh, you're the last person I want to see right now, Mike!" Jennifer exclaimed.

"Ouch," I responded, hurt. "I'm actually here for him."

"Me?" Davis asked, he and Jennifer surprised.

"Yeah, I mean, you're pretty much a real-life Alec Hardison, minus the smartass part."

"Who?"

"He's from a show called 'Leverage.' Anyway, I need your expert opinion on something Internet-wise."

He didn't say anything, he just stood there and smiled.

"What?"

He walked over and wrapped his arms around me.

"Okay, this is getting weird," I commented.

Backing up, he said, "Welcome to the 21st century."

Behind him, Jennifer was stifling what sounded like a huge laugh. I just smiled and lightly nodded my head.

"Good one," I admitted.

"Tell you what, I'll come over after work and get you set up."

"Seriously, you don't have to…"

"Hey, it's not every day you bring a cave-man into the modern age."

"You get an A for effort on that one."

"Dang."

"Alright, ta-ta, kiddies, and dontforgettouseprotection!" I added in a hurry as I sprinted out to escape what would be Jennifer's wrath.

"MIKEEEE!"

_And thar she blows._

* * *

"Remind me what possessed me to clean out this room," I asked no one in particular as I grabbed a small tower of boxes filled with random crapola.

"You wanted to change rooms," Luke replied, helping Kong carry in my dresser.

"Oh yeah."

Don't ask how it happened, but I got ambitious enough to shift some stuff around. The room I was moving into was looking very spacious, after we moved a lot of the stuff out. Whatever I couldn't sell, burn, or generally remove, I would store in my old room. I have to admit, there's a lot of interesting things mixed in the mess.

"Hey, check this out," Rai said, pulling a riding crop from one of the boxes.

"Put that back, rodent," I told him, carrying my stack out of the room.

"Come on, it's not like you're going to use it," he exclaimed.

_Keep talking and I just might._

I brought the stuff to my old room, which was _almost_ full. No, I'm not a hoarder. I may be a whore, but I'm not a whore-der. Oh god, did I just do a pun?! Well, whatever.

"Mike, can you get the front door? I think someone's knocking," I heard Heart ask from down the hall.

"Sure," I replied.

Seemed a little early for Davis to come by, unless he threw up again. He really should see a doctor about that. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see Junk Joe, his short blue hair and jumpsuit still dirty.

"Joe?"

"Hey, big guy," he greeted me, a la Barney Rubble. "I tried to ring your doorbell, but I think it may be broken."

"I have a doorbell?"

I took a peek at the outside doorframe. There was a simple-looking one.

"I have a doorbell, neat. No trouble finding the place, though?"

"When you said big, you weren't kidding," he said, walking in.

Junk Joe, as he calls himself, has a building in town full of towering piles of junk. He puts my hoarding skills to shame, although to be fair, he does have some useful stuff. Aaand I just admitted I'm a whore-der. Dagnabbit. Anyway, I figured he could use some of this stuff.

He whistled after taking a look at my jumble. "That's a lot of junk."

"You think?"

"Okay, let's see what you got."

He took a few minutes to look through all of it. And I won't lie, his answer shocked me.

"All of it?"

"All of it."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

"Well, that helps a lot. You wanna bring your truck around front, so we can load it up?"

"I don't have a truck," he told me.

"…You're paying for gas, then."

With Luke and Kong's help, we loaded the bed and hooked-up trailer.

"That's finally over with," Luke groaned.

"That reminds me, we have the attic to do next."

They groaned loudly.

"Not today! I have to look through it all first."

"Oh, thank Arceus," Kong sighed with relief.

"Your assistance will not go unrewarded, my friends. Tonight, I make Chex Mix."

I don't mean to brag, but I make a wonderful Chex Mix. The secret is a little burning.

"Are you serious?" Luke said, trying it hard to contain his joy.

"You better not be pulling our legs, Mike," Kong told me.

"Just make sure we have what I need. If we're low on anything, call me and I'll get it on my way home."

Luke ran inside with a big smile on his face, Kong following behind.

"Chex Mix," Joe stated.

I shrugged. "They like my Chex Mix."

We got in the Bronco and headed into town.

"So what have you been up to, lately?" he asked.

"Eh, I've been traveling for work," I answered.

"Doing what?"

"Negotiations, private firms and all that."

_My work is not exactly something I can tell the whole world._

"Really? I'd never take you for a negotiator."

"Most people wouldn't, but I can pack quite a punch. Right now, I'm making use of some much-needed time-off."

"Sounds nice."

"Well, it's a breather. Some of my clients were very stubborn."

He chuckled. As I pulled in front of his shabby building, I felt compelled to ask him something I hadn't before.

"What do you for a living, Joe?"

"Me? I collect junk, and I…" He mumbled the rest.

"I didn't catch that last part."

"I collect junk and I tinker with it."

"You make the second thing sound like you're a witch in Salem."

"I'm not as talented as Don."

"So what? When I started negotiating a few years back, I got my ass handed to me on a regular basis, coming up empty-handed. But I kept at it, and now, I can convince most people they need whatever I'm selling. Can you guess why?"

"Because they do?"

"Perseverance trumps talent, every single time. Keep at it, and you'll reach Don's level, maybe even go further. If you ever need a test dummy, I know a guy."

He smiled. "Thank you for that."

"I'm just speaking the truth."

He stepped out and started to unload some of the boxes. I was about to join in, when Red popped up outside my door.

"And you keep saying you're bad," he said playfully with a smirk.

"Red, I'm gonna count to three," I warned him.

"Oh, you wouldn't."

I backhanded him in the face and watched as he crumbled on the ground, out cold.

"Three."

After putting his unconscious form in the passenger seat, I went to unload the boxes.

* * *

Coming out of the Poké Mart with a box of cheese crackers, I found Red had come to in his seat.

"Did you have to hit me?" he asked, sounding not too pleased.

"It was an involuntary reflex," I replied, getting in the truck.

"Sure."

"I did count to three," I said, putting the box in the console.

"You didn't!" he shouted.

"Not out loud, Satoshi," I explained.

"Don't call me that."

"Fine."

I started the truck and pulled away from the store.

"Why do you hate me?"

"Honestly, I have no idea."

He scoffed.

"Don't you hate Ash for no reason whatsoever?"

"He has been ten years old for how long now?"

"That is Ho-Oh's doing."

"What do you mean?"

"Ho-Oh is said to bring eternal happiness to those who see it, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"What was your idea of happiness when you first started out?"

"Being a Trainer," he answered, coming to a conclusion.

"Exactly. It's the perfect example of a blessing and a curse. He travels all over the world, but has the mindset of a child."

"Well, it's a good thing he's just on the show."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that."

"Don't tell he's real."

"That, or he was a really big fan of the old-school version."

"Oh Arceus!" He dropped his head on the dashboard.

"Oh, quit your griping. Wait a minute, how do you know about the show?"

"I've been to the mainland," I heard him mumble.

"Ah."

He lifted his head up. "That doesn't explain why you hate me."

"It's not really hatred. If it was, I'd have killed you a long time ago," I said casually.

"WOW."

"I know, irrational. Meet the people I have, though, and you'd be whistling the same tune."

"Give me one example."

Reluctantly, I said, "Seryu Ubiquitous."

(Flashback)

_A building crumbled in the night, and from the dust, I walked out._

"_Why does everyone think I'm Mick? That guy's been dead for a week now."_

_And no, I had nothing to do with that. That was Leone's handiwork. I only know about it because she found me and told me so, as well as apologizing on behalf of Night Raid. Earlier, she found me again, this time with the head honcho, Najenda. Najenda has asked for my help, though I did tell her I would not kill anyone. While I have tried to a couple times, a good person shouldn't even think of doing that. Despite that, I agreed, saying I would help put a stop to the tyrants of the Capital._

"_Well, whatever." I strapped Ego to my back, when I heard a little meow. Looking down, I found a baby chimera. The body was mainly that of a kitten, but it had the wings of a baby eagle and a small serpent's tail._

"_There you are, Liao! You need to stop wandering off."_

_Liao, to make things simple, is my familiar. Not a very obedient one, but nevertheless, she helps out. Her name is based on a Chinese word for "little."_

"_Rawl," she replied cutely._

"_You don't play fair, you know that?" I asked her, squatting down to pick her up. She jumped out away from my hands and climbed onto my shoulder, nestling against my neck._

"_You are a strange one."_

_I heard a gunshot, which caused me to quickly stand up. It was close by, and I had two guesses. I ran in the direction, Liao fully alert as well. More shots were fired, allowing me to pinpoint the location. Turning a corner, I found Sheele and Mine in a park, fighting imperial soldiers, led by a dog and a familiar-looking auburn-haired bitch in armor._

Seryu, _I thought seethingly._

_Liao hissed, and for good reason. Seryu is a hypocritical, justice-obsessed psychopath. Despite her talk of a fair fight, her tactics are incredibly underhanded. And her sense of justice is a joke! She's very dangerous. Her dog, even more so. It may be simple-looking, but it's actually a living Imperial Arms, which explains the big, bulging arms. Night Raid may be good, but they can't fight their weapon's rule: at least one user of an Imperial Arms dies in a fight. If I have a say, it's her!_

_Blinded by hatred, I charged in, Ego drawn. Any and all troops that got in my way, I smacked away with the dulled edge of my massive sword. I leapt and struck the mutt right in its mouth, sending it back to its master. I firmly planted my feet, positioning me between her and Night Raid. Liao, being made of an energy that glowed fiery-red, toxic-green and electric-blue, changed her size to equal the dog's._

"_Are you with Night Raid?!" she practically screamed._

"_You wouldn't believe me no matter what I said, so better to call that a rhetorical question."_

"_Then which of you killed Captain Ogre?!"_

Ogre? Wasn't that Tatsumi's target? Hmm, that gives me an idea…

"_Oh, did you know him? I guess you already know how big a wuss he was," I lied rather skillfully._

"_What did you say?!"_

Doesn't she have any other volume setting?

"_You heard me."_

"_What are you doing?" Mine hissed._

"_Trying to be your decoy, so you two can escape," I whispered. "If I can keep her and the dog focused on me, it should no problem."_

"_She has an Imperial Arms!" Sheele argued. "You'll be killed!"_

"_Decent argument. Here's my counter."_

Some people in the universe have what you might call an "inflated ego." Me, well…

_Turning a section of the handle, my blade swelled to two times its size. Another turn made it three. I kept turning it until it was five times its size._

"_Inflated Ego, Level Five!"_

_Men, we can't help but show off to the ladies, can we? And Ani-men and women, they can't help it when they shout the names of their moves. It's an unspoken rule, like the dumbest character is usually the strongest._

"_Brace for impact!" I yelled, swinging my sword behind me like a paddle. I knocked the girls away into the distance as gently as allowable by Ego. They'll live._

"_Just you, then?" Seryu asked, the dog back on its feet._

"_Seryu Ubiquitous, member of the Imperial Guard," I stated as I faced her. "Your father before you was a member of the military. K.I.A. Your mentor was Ogre the Demon. Your body was surgically modified by one Dr. Stylish, who also designed your arsenal, Judgement of the Ten Heavenly Kings. The dog, nicknamed Koro, is a bio-weapon called Hekatonheires."_

_She was nothing short of surprised from everything I knew about her._

"_See," I continued, "I'm one of those people who does research before they pick a fight. Not that I haven't gone in headfirst at one time or another, but..."_

_I readied myself._

"_I highly doubt you would want to listen to that."_

_The fight started with our partners. Liao pounced on Koro, only to be crushed by a sledgehammer attack from him. A mistake on his part. Liao's form changed into a tentacle monster that entangled the massive gorilla-dog, tying him up._

One down.

"_Taizan's Cannon of Justice!"_

_She had replaced one of her prosthetic arms with what looked like an anti-tank rifle. Wait a minute, anti-tank?! Raising my sword, I blocked the bullet, though the force knocked me on my ass._

"_Damn, that hurt!"_

"_Enma's Spear of Justice!"_

I think it's safe to assume all of her attacks have "Justice" in the name.

_Her rifle was detached, a giant drill in its place, which she fired at me. With Ego's size, I practically swatted it away. While she was disarmed—pun unintended—I stood up and took a great, big swing. I nailed her, smashing her through a ring of nearby trees and buildings. As she rolled away from all the wreckage, I swung down, causing the ground beneath her to collapse. Turning the hilt section the opposite way, my sword shrunk down to its original length and width. I walked over to the hole she was lying in._

"_I'm not done yet!"_

She's a tough cookie.

_I brought the tip of my blade to her throat. Though I can't chop off her head, I could crush her windpipe._

"_If you're going to spout some more 'Justice' nonsense, don't. Justice is a lie, created by those who rule. They commit heinous things, and pin it all on some unlucky civilian. Where is the JUSTICE IN THAT?!"_

_I took a breath. No matter how I wanted to, I couldn't allow myself to end a life. People don't learn lessons when they're dead._

"_Justice Execution!"_

Crap!

_I forgot about the gun in the mouth. She missed my vitals, the bullet lodged in my shoulder. I retaliated with a kick to her head, effectively knocking her out. Strapping Ego to my back, I put pressure on my wound._

"_Liao, let's get going!"_

_Liao reverted to her kitten form, re and followed me as I ran, seeking medical attention. Looking back, Koro was more focused on his master. Good thing I held back on killing her. It gave us a chance to escape. Let's just hope Night Raid doesn't turn on me._

(Flash. End)

"Was she really that twisted?" Red asked.

"That was just the tip of the iceberg," I said.

"Good Lord."

"They crossed paths later, and Sheele died, eaten by that damn dog."

I tightened my grip one the wheel in anger, my knuckles white.

"The whole reason I was there was to save all of Night Raid's members, and I failed. Later on, I found out their world was on a loop. The events there replay over and over again."

"You lost me."

"Think _Groundhog Day_, but a year instead of a day."

"Ah."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Oddly enough, I do," he replied casually. "I wonder if that's how Pokémon came to be here."

"I think that already happened in a fanfic. A bunch of them, actually."

"Doesn't disprove my hypothesis."

"To each his own," I concluded.

"I have a personal question for you, though."

"Am I gonna regret listening?"

"How many times have you had sex?"

I slammed on the brakes.

"Why are you asking that?! No one in their right mind asks that question, especially in public!"

"I only ask because of the stank," he defended.

"I showered this morning! I also have extras of this outfit!"

"Not stink, stank."

"Oh…" I figured it out. "It's **that** noticeable?"

"Little bit."

I started moving again.

"Well, either way, that's none of your business."

"I don't know. I thought I heard a Darmanitan last night."

"Red, I'm gonna count to three."

"Honestly, it was terrifying. Didn't know they were so loud."

"Three."

I quickly clocked him one. Silence the rest of the way.

* * *

I dragged a new mattress that was just delivered up to my new room, which was up on the third floor, by myself.

"You sure you don't need help, Mike?" Rai shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing," I told him.

"That's what worries me."

"Ha-ha-ha," I laughed sarcastically. With one mighty pull, I got it to the top.

"Okay."

Pulling it through the hallway was easy on the hardwood floor. Bringing it to the second flight of stairs, I knew it would be challenging, as they had a one-eighty turn halfway up. I needed help.

"Rai!"

"Here," he said, standing at my feet.

"Baah!" It took a moment to respond, since he scared me with his sudden appearance. "Between you and the girls, I'll be dead by… what is today?"

"Monday, June 4th."

"Wow, a lot happened between the party and now."

"I take it you need help now?"

"Just around the corner."

As we grabbed the ends and started maneuvering, he asked, "So what are you gonna do with your old room?"

"Make it a greenhouse for marijuana."

"Seriously?"

"Nah, it's yours."

"Yes!"

"On one condition."

"Aw, I knew it was too good to be true!"

"If you have at least one girl over, give me a heads-up. I don't want to walk in on you again."

"Fair enough."

"And really, you're free to do whatever. Just let me know beforehand."

"That's it?"

"It's all I ever wanted, Rai."

We got the mattress to the top and into my room, laying it down on the box spring and bed frame.

"That's a big bed," Rai commented.

"Queen-size, man. I'm moving up in the world, Rai."

"And getting wider at the same time," he chuckled.

"I set up myself for that, didn't I?"

"You did."

Looking out the window, I saw Boss had taken flight, soaring over town. From here, I could see almost everything. The beach, the Pokémon Center, the police station. Rowan's lab, not so much. With these slider windows, I could climb out and be on the roof, if I wanted.

"Man, what a view…" I said.

"You can say that again," I heard Red agree.

_And there go my happy thoughts._

Joining me at the window, he asked, "Did you ever find him?"

"I already sent him after Hunter," I answered dryly. "At the very least, Hunter will be no more."

"Too bad. I was hoping you could relay a message to him. Might've stopped him from going after you."

I looked at him skeptically. "Really?"

"Despite how you act towards me, I consider you my friend."

"You have some weird sense of friendship."

"We all have our quirks. I'm going out for a bit, then I'll bring back some dinner, okay?"

I heard him leave, then a few seconds later, Rai asked, "Who was he talking about?"

"Ah, just some punk who's after my 'soul,'" I said, putting him at ease. "There are some real nutcases in the world."

I squatted in front of him. "If he tries to make trouble, though, I'll flatten him!"

I tried to be sincere, but Rex was very strong. Last time, I survived because Tessa saved me. Let's hope I get lucky twice, should he find me again.

Later that night, after some Chinese—which was an honest surprise, I didn't think any of the regions had that—I retired to my room, sinking into my new, softer bed. I got so much done today, and I still have a lot more to do. And I won't lie, I've been a little lax on my grooming. While I'm comfortable with my regrown body hair, I could do without my facial hair. Despite the work again, I was still wired.

I thought about that memory I told Red. Some of the gaps in my memory had filled themselves in, ever since the "Toxic Avengers." I remembered the little kitten Liao, who had appeared halfway through my training among the Straw Hat Pirates. That, however, deserves its own story. I also recalled why I needed Night Raid in the first place: Boris and Helga. They were my Jessie and James, but far more dangerous. Helga, I couldn't remember why, but Boris was a "Patient Zero" type. It was something like the T-virus from Resident Evil, but it wasn't transmitted by biting. He tries to get his blood in your body however he can, and once he does, you're his. That was all I could recollect. That left so many questions. Where did they go? Had they been dealt with? And why do they show up in my dreams? Ugh, I hate cliffhangers.

There was a knock on my door, and I already knew who it was.

"Come in," I said, sitting up with my legs crossed.

Heart walked in, closing the door behind her.

"Wow, so much space!" she exclaimed, looking around my room.

"I know, right?"

"You have a view, too?!" She rushed over to the window. "This is beautiful. You have to see this, dear!"

"I doubt it beats the one I have right now," I replied slyly.

"Oh, you," she waved me off. I caught a little blush on her cheeks.

"It's great, but the bed wins by a mile. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was sleeping on a Snorlax."

Anyone with a Snorlax will tell you they make great beds. They never turn in their sleep, unless you're me. Death by suffocation from a thousand pound marshmallow, not a great way to die, but I digress.

Heart came over to try it out. I almost lost her as she sunk into the mattress.

"I've heard of 'couch-diving,' but not 'mattress-diving.'"

"Think it may be too soft?" she asked as she practically swam to me.

"There's such a thing?"

She climbed onto the "island" in the middle of this "sea," her arms wrapped around "it" to keep afloat. Yes, my jokes are terrible. I'm thinking of putting out a want ad for a better writer.

"It does need some getting used to, for sure," I said, agreeing with her. "Might need some inflating, too."

"You are so odd."

"That goes without saying."

I held her close. "Still, you love me in spite of that."

"No," she replied. "I love you because of that."

"Huh, and all this time, I thought it was because of my resemblance to Tom Cruise."

She chuckled.

"Seriously, though, I won the lottery with you. If I lose everything because of that, it would be so worth it."

"More than a harem?"

"Real men don't have harems, which says a lot about me."

"It says that you have a big heart."

"Can I exchange that to make something else big?"

"Why do that when you have me?"

"Good one," I chuckled.

Her vines came out and started rubbing all over me.

"Oh, not tonight, Heart. I need a break."

"Please, dear?"

"Last I checked, I'm not a machine. I have to rest."

"Please?"

"No, and nothing you say right now will change my mind."

And nothing did… is what I would say if I didn't wear my own defenses down. She knows me too well.

(Lemon)

We started kissing passionately. I broke away momentarily, saying, "You play dirty."

"All's fair in war and love," she replied before pulling me back into the kiss.

_No doubt about it: I __**love**__ this girl._

Eventually, my clothes and her leotard flew off and landed all over the floor. Not literally, but I have seen that happen once or twice.

Her vines were amazing. As they stroked my unit, a couple rolled my nuggets around. I couldn't contain my moans, nor did I want to. I did, however, want to return the favor. Moving my hands along her petite body, I reached her wide hips and cushy bottom. I squeezed her cheeks, making her gasp.

"W-What are you doing, dear?"

"Isn't it obvious, hun?"

I moved her cheeks in all directions, giving her a good squeeze every few moments. I could tell I was doing something right, as I felt Heart's slit get a little damp, some of her juices dripping on Little Mike. Bringing a hand around to her front, I played with her lower lips. At this point, her vines had already retracted, and she was trying to hold back her moans.

"Holding back now is a little pointless, don't you think?"

"But, the others said they could hear us. The idea of it alone…"

_Okay, exhibition is out. Ooo, naughty idea._

"It's getting a little dark in here," I said, climbing out of bed and beginning to work on my plan. Nothing much, just grabbed a condom, turned on the light. Oh, and carried her to the window.

"Please put me down!"

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Heart. In fact…"

Readjusting my hold on her, I spread her legs while she was facing the window. The tip of my "armored" pocket rocket pressed against the entrance of her pussy.

"…let's show the world our love."

"Nooo!"

I went all in with one thrust. As I repeatedly dove in and out of her moist cavern, she buried her face in her bouquets, telling me over and over to stop. While she did, her inner walls became tighter.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were enjoying this," I teased her.

"You're wrong!"

"Then why are you tightening up down there?"

"I-I don't know!"

"Well, either way, I'm almost there."

That rising feeling had showed itself, letting me know it was time. And despite her objections, I had no doubt Heart was on the verge, too. With a mighty cry, Heart squirted her juices all over the window. Taking a few steps back, I fell back onto the bed, exhausted.

_Being a sadist really takes it out of you._

While I was catching my breath, Heart started hitting me. I couldn't help but laugh as I blocked her onslaught of 'slaps.'

"You big meanie!" she said angrily, yet somehow it was adorable.

"I'm sorry," I said in between laughs. "You were being too cute, I couldn't help myself."

She turned away, most likely pouting.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, saying, "Tell you what. Next time, we'll do bondage. Would that be fine, _Mistress Heart?_"

"…You shall address me as Milady."

_This won't end well, will it?_

(Lemon End)

_I was right._

The morning after, my ass hurt so badly. Never knew she was interested in trying S&amp;M, and whipping. So much whipping…

"Go sit down, Mike," Jennifer said.

"I can't," I said, eating a big bowl of cereal as I talked. "And I'm not telling you why. I can say it involves certain body parts."

"Jirachi Christ, man," Davis groaned, doing his techie thing. I have no idea how else to put it.

Davis was busy yesterday, so he couldn't come work on my cables. Jennifer, even though she was still mad at me for whatever, had tagged with him. The three of us were in the far corner of the basement, where my circuit breakers and everything else were.

"What does that have to do with sitting?"

"I was a bad boy last night."

They groaned.

"Never ask questions you don't want the answer to."

"That's part of our job."

"Speaking of jobs, isn't it against policy for police officers to fraternize with their partners?"

"We're not fraternizing."

"Right, and I praise Helix."

"You don't even know what that is!" Jennifer argued.

"At least I don't pretend to not know about something."

"That's a double-negative, Mike," Davis pointed out.

"I know."

"Is there a point?" the teal-haired officer asked, getting impatient.

"This is the closest to a real relationship I've seen you in, and I don't want to see you screw it up. Plus, I want to make this as clear as I possibly can: no…more…stories."

"I have to tell someone."

"Tell Red, or Poss, or Doyer, for all I care. Better yet, tell Hardison here, Parker."

"I'll bite. Is this 'Parker' Hardison's bae?"

"Say 'bae' again and I'll slap your mouth off. And yes, eventually, they become romantically involved. It's funny though, you and they are on opposite sides of the law."

"They're thieves?"

"Yeah, but in the show, this guy, Nate, turns them into Robin Hood-types."

"Huh."

"It's a good show. Give it a try sometime."

"Alright," Davis said, stopping his work and pulling out a smartphone as he stood up. "You're running at fifty megabits-per-second."

"Is that good?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Nice."

"I set up an older router I had, but you'll have Wi-Fi. It's secured, meaning you'll need to make a password."

"Hogger, no caps."

He input the code on his device. "And you are good to go."

"Yay, I have Internet!" I cheered with a little clapping. "Wait, don't I need to be connected directly to the router?"

"It's already hooked up in the living room."

"Yay, I have Internet! Thank you, Davis. You guys wanna help me test it out?"

"Sorry, big guy, but we have other plans," Jennifer said.

"Ah. Davis, I hope you know what you're getting into."

"What do you mean?"

"One sec."

After the cereal was done for, I drank the leftover milk. Finishing that off with a sigh of satisfaction, I said, "That's good milk."

"Now," I continued, "Jennifer is not exactly your average lady, especially when it comes to—"

I got swept-kicked onto my back by the "lady," my plastic bowl and spoon clattering on the floor.

"Oh, my ass! I call police brutality on that."

"You can't play that card with me, not when you're badmouthing me."

"I just want him to know what he's getting into."

"I already heard the stories from the guys at the station."

I stood up. "So why then?"

"There's always more to a person than what you hear, and I've heard plenty. Besides, I like hanging out with her. She's witty."

"Eh…"

"Oh, like you're a regular Webhead," Jennifer argued.

"I have webs in my head, if that's what you mean."

"You two would make a great couple," Davis chuckled.

"Hell no!" we exclaimed at the same time.

"That's like leaving Zoro and Sanji in the same room without supervision!" I explained. "Okay, not _that_ bad, but my point remains."

"The two of us don't mix that well, the enchilada being a perfect example," she added.

"What enchilada?" Davis asked.

"Davis, there are times where I heed something I call the three D's."

There was a large boom overhead, sounding like it came from my front porch.

"Ay-yi-yi, what fresh hell is this?"

Picking up my plastics, I headed upstairs.

"Red, if that was you, you're done! Last thing I want is you blowing up my house! You hear me?!"

I had walked out the front door to find no sign of Red or what made that noise.

_Don't tell me I'm hearing things again._

"When was the last time I had my hearing checked?"

"Seems like your hearing's just fine," a familiar voice commented, the dark tremor in it immediately ID'd him.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw the Dayshadow and the Son of Anubis standing side-by-side. It doesn't take a genius to see, that my time had run out.

**Tessa: Saw that coming.**

**Mike: Why there is pot here?**

**Me: Where could you possibly see marijuana?**

**Mike: Not marijuana, P-O-T. The initials of "Plenty Of Time" spell pot.**

**Me: ...**

**Mike: I notice these things.**

**Me: I would say you're an idiot, but that would be a certain idiom about a kettle.**

**Mike: What?**

**Me: Oy vey.**

**Well, let me how my first two-part special was in the comments, and a reminder that I have a poll on my profile for you to do. It's merely a curiosity thing, plus I can't decide on something. Oh, and I don't know if I did this yet, but **Akame Ga Kill **does not belong to me, and I'm going by its anime version. And thank you, Unidentified Specimen, Fallenstreet01 and ZeroInfinite for liking and following my story. This is Mike, signing out with hope that people will help me decide who would win.**


	13. Cheating Death

**A lot of things have happened for me this year. I got my license, a second higher-paying job, which will help me get a car early next year. So many things. Fret not, I will continue writing till the end of time! In the meantime, enjoy the newest chapter!**

My head was ringing, blood in one eye, the other fixed on Hunter, who had an arrow pointed at me. I was sitting against a tree in front of my house. Rex had beaten me and my family so badly. How could I let this happen? I'm supposed to be the hero…right?

* * *

"Hello again," Hunter greeted me.

"I thought you were going to take his soul."

"Things happen," the nine-tenths naked man responded in his high-pitched voice.

_Let me bring you folks up to speed, in case you decided to skip to this chapter, instead of reading through for whatever reason. Despite my efforts, my life is no picnic. Not including all the fights I've been in—willingly or otherwise—I, for unfathomable reasons, have three mates. You heard me, three. Unless you want to count the one-night stand with Cynthia's Garchomp, which I don't! Anyway, my fights ended up getting me appointed as some "soldier" to combat the Pokémon-turned-human Gijinka that have been popping up all over Sinnoh. I swear, this sounds more and more like a fanfic every time I run it through my head. That's the gist of it, though. Oh, and these two, I've had separate encounters with the pair and I may have sic'd one on the other. Which brings me to now, standing outside my house._

"Not the most appropriate moment, but you sound like Mickey Mouse on helium. It's very off-putting."

"What?"

"Let me explain. Your whole look reminds me of Imhotep from the 'Mummy' movies with Brendan Fraser. It's very intimidating, but then you open your mouth and I'm half-expecting everyone to break out in song and dance. I wanted to say it when we first met, but then you punched me, so…"

He looked hurt.

"Wha-what's with that look? You gave me that before—"

An arrow flew by, lodging itself in a tree behind me.

"Stop talking," Hunter ordered, a little bite to his bark. "Nothing you say at this point is going to save you."

"Right, and you're gonna be a real hero for killing a chubby."

"Because you're a monster."

"Normally, I would agree with you on that. Unfortunately, other people have been telling me otherwise, and it just started to get through."

"Either way, today will be your last."

"Between work and the girls, I thought it would be last Sunday."

He readied another arrow, signaling that he was done with words.

_Here we go. Did I forget to mention my speed boost?_

I ran towards Hunter before he could fire, flying belly-first in his face.

"Belly Ram!"

My blubber pushed him to the ground, allowing me to shift all attention to the Son of Anubis. I took a swing at him, but he sidestepped it.

"Your newfound speed is impressive, but you yourself are predictable," Rex pointed out. I threw a few more punches and he swatted them away with his left arm, before backhanding me into my home. Why must it take so much abuse?

My vision was swinging around, so I had no chance of seeing his fist coming at me. His attack delivered me from the first floor to the basement. Only seconds after, I heard him land beside me. Picking me up, his uppercut lifted me all the way to the attic, where I burst through the roof and beyond. And in typical superhuman fashion, he joined me midair and with another punch, guided me to the woods west of Sandgem, where I crash-landed. Nearby wild Pokémon scattered as trees closest to me fell. Laying over a tree I hit on the way down, I wondered if I had a concussion yet.

"Would it make me a sadist if I said I enjoyed watching you get beat?" I heard the Dayshadow ask.

"What do you think, Hunter?" I countered, a little winded.

"Eh."

"Why did he spare you?"

"He couldn't catch me," he answered smugly. "He also wanted backup, in case some girl with a club came around."

_Tessa._

"I have to admit, you can take a hell of a beating."

"I have Marcus to thank for that."

"Hmph, guess I'll join in."

He whispered something, then his body showed something I didn't think he had: muscles. They filled his clothes so they fitted him better.

"Why me?" I asked myself, on the verge of tears.

Grabbing the tree by the trunk, he flung me back towards town. I was surprised, to say at least, when Boss swooped in and snatched me by the shorts.

"Boss!"

"Save the thanks for when we beat these guys!" she replied.

"We?"

Down below, my family was fighting the Son of Anubis, and they were giving him a run for his money.

"Boss, you have to put me down!" I exclaimed.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"You don't understand, these guys—"

I was interrupted by her cry of pain. An arrow had flown and hit her wing.

"Dammit! Hang on, Mike!"

She started gliding towards the sea. As we were meters away, a second bolt stuck itself in her other wing. We splashed down in the water, hard.

My senses regathering themselves, I pulled myself and the Honchkrow out, laying her on the beach.

"Thanks for trying, Boss," I thanked her.

"End of the line, buddy," Hunter said, suddenly appearing a few yards away, his physique reverted to normal and bowstring drawn back.

"I don't get it; if you know who I am, why haven't you called me by name?"

"Uh…"

"Wow, you don't know my name. I'm hurt, I really am."

_Claims to know who I am, but doesn't know my name? Do I smell smoke?_

"Shut up!"

"What about the guy you came with? What's his name?"

"…Imhotep?"

I snickered, which led to giggling, which led to laughing. "Oh, this is too rich!"

"I'm not good with names!"

"Waitwaitwaitwait, what about my colleague you shot?"

"I wanna say… Benjamin?"

I stopped. "That is corre—" I resumed laughing.

_I couldn't keep a straight face! Ha-ha-ha-ha!_

"DIE!"

I dashed over before he could react, slamming him into the ground. A chubby's weight can be handy when they learn how to use it. And Marcus was the one who taught me how and conditioned me to take a hit. I just wish he would've taught me how to block the pain, too.

"Ow!" I gasped. Hunter's arrow had been shot into my thigh, my blood staining my shorts. I yanked it out without hesitation, which probably wasn't a good idea. Good thing he doesn't use arrowheads. I limped back to Boss, looking to give first aid to her, then myself.

* * *

(3rd person POV)

A shockwave forced Mike's family away from its point of origin. They had yet to do any real damage to the stranger that had all but destroyed their home. They were giving it their all, but nothing appeared to faze him. At first, he dodged their attacks with ease, but after a while, he didn't bother to continue doing so, instead taking the blows without defending himself, excluding the shockwave.

"How did Dad get on this guy's bad side?" Luke asked no one in particular, shifting his stance to a defensive form.

"No clue," Vulcana replied, dressed in a plaid skirt and dark T-shirt with a picture of barbecue ribs on a charcoal grill with the sentence "I Love A Big Rack" encircling it.

"Rai," Luke addressed the rodent.

"I told you before, I don't deal with committed women," Rai replied, poised on the jackal's shoulder.

The man watched as the creatures conversed with each other, not understanding their tongue. While the bipedal jackal, red chicken and yellow lightning-tailed mouse talked, the fire-ape, walking flower, gold-and-black lioness and large, blue sea slug had surrounded him on all four sides. All of them had proven more of a challenge than Mike was, but not by much.

The Gastrodon shot a blue beam at Rex, encasing most of his body in ice. The Infernape engulfed itself in flames, while the Luxray's form was shrouded in blue lightning. They launched themselves into the frozen man, smashing the ice into him along with their moves. The two of them jumped away as a purple ball of energy from the Roserade sped towards him, exploding intensely on impact. And before the dust settled, the Blaziken and the Lucario, Raichu on his shoulder, jumped in and kicked him in the chest, red-hot fire and yellow lightning augmenting their already-powerful attack. He flew, landing on his feet with a skid ten meters away.

_These creatures are not evil. However, they are hindering my efforts._

The stitching on his armor came undone, changing the whole of his arm into a large Rottweiler head, smoke escaping its maw. Mike's family quickly huddled together.

"This has Mike written all over it," Rai said.

"Rai!" all of them shouted.

"Well, it does! Where'd he go?"

The foreigner had disappeared without a trace, leaving the family uneasy.

"This isn't good," Luke commented, unable to sense the man's Aura.

The ground underneath their feet broke up, as if something large was about to surface. It burst wide open, lifting the Pokémon in the air. The Rottweiler head was much larger, its jaws wide open with a large sphere of an unbelievably dark energy.

"Hakam Aleawa'!"

* * *

(Mike POV)

Tightening the last wrapping on Boss's wing, I made a mental note to take her to the Center later.

"Thank you, Boss. I would have been dead if you hadn't caught me. How many times does that make it, though? Cheating death, I mean."

Standing up, I limped over to Hunter's unconscious body. I relieved him of his Skorm's Bow and loaded quiver. I felt the longbow's power coursing through my body. I figured it would be enough to stop the Son of Anubis.

"I'm borrowing this," I said. "When I give it back, you're going to have a hard time walking."

Limping to the front of the house, I arrived in time to see a massive Rottweiler fire an energy blast into the air from its mouth, then disappearing into a large crevice. Looking up, I was shocked to see my family up so high. Looking back at the hole, Rex was climbing out. Infuriated beyond words, I aimed an arrow at him, charging the shot I would take. Once he was upright, I fired. It hit him dead-center in the chest. Before he could retaliate, I shot another that ran through his unprotected shoulder. As I readied a third one, something slipped in the corner of my eye.

Had I turned around, maybe I could have avoided the blow to my head. The Bow fell out of my hand as a second one hit my side. It had the force of a semi-truck, knocking me into the northern woods. All the trees I smashed through slowed me down to a point where the remains of my home were still visible. I tried getting up, but my body was pretty banged up. I shook my head, which was the only thing I could move.

"Why me?" I said, becoming a broken record. "Were Lina and Gourry occupied or something? Is the Hero's Guild still asleep? Are the Avengers still mad at me for my Dr. Strange joke?"

"You're still talking?" Hunter complained, stepping over the fallen trees with little difficulty.

"Only when I have complaints, like HOW THE HELL ARE YOU UP ALREADY?!"

"Us Heroes can take a hit," he said, squatting down within my field of vision while rubbing his temple. "That being said, I gotta deal with this headache now, so thanks."

"One, you deserve that for not knowing my name. Two, you deserve that for not knowing my name."

"You said that twice."

"And I have brain damage. Super…not!"

"Oh, for Avo's sake!"

He pulled out one of his special vials and splashed its contents all over me. Some of it got in my mouth, where I tasted strawberry cheesecake.

_Why does his taste better? That did not come out right. Dagnabbit!_

Within seconds, my body felt rejuvenated. Standing up, I was…stunned? I don't know the right word, but I'll go with that.

"Why?"

"Heroes need monsters, big guy," he said, standing up. "I keep telling you that."

"What the flip is that?!" I shouted, pointing at something in the distance.

"Where?!" He whipped around to see what I saw.

I had tricked him for the moment, giving me a chance to put my trusty bright yellow work-glove. Just as he turned back, I smashed his face in. Like a rocket, he took off through the air with a yell, splashing down in the distant ocean.

_DAYUM!_

Feeling proud of myself, I moved forward over the fallen trees, trying to set my sights on Rex. When I reached the edge of the woods, I found Rex still standing outside the house, now joined by Davis and Jennifer, who had their handguns aimed at him. My family was lying around them, unconscious and barely hurt.

"Took you two long enough," I said, joining them.

"There was debris blocking the stairs down below," Jennifer stated.

"Oh, right."

"Who is this dude?" Davis

"I'll tell you in a minute."

I looked the Arab dead in the eyes. I don't think he could tell, but I was using his eyes as a mirror substitute. Sure enough, Hunter appeared behind me looking for a home run, courtesy of his mace. I ducked, dodging his swing and turned on my heel. I sprung up, delivering an uppercut with my unprotected hand. I grabbed him by the shirt using my gloved hand, and flung him into Rex. They went far, and I mean FAR. They left behind a trail of destruction at least a mile long through the western woods.

"DAYUM!" Jennifer and Davis both expressed their astoundment.

"I'm starting to think this glove is overpowered," I said.

"You think?" Jennifer queried.

Mere seconds after she said that, a tree came flying high from the duo's direction.

"Then again, so are they," I sighed.

"Think you need help?"

"If you can get your hands on anything that goes 'boom'…"

Once the tree was within range, I stepped forward and smashed it in two, both halves landing behind me.

"…that would be helpful," I finished.

"I'll get my XM25 CDTE," Jennifer said, running off.

"Do I want to know?" I asked Davis.

"High-tech grenade launcher," he told me.

"Oo, fancy. Why are you still here, though?"

"I'm going against my better judgement, but I'm staying to help."

"They're not machines, I'll tell you that right now."

"I got that."

"Here," I stated, handing him a vial of orange goo.

He took it. "What's this?"

"Ever heard of 'liquid courage?'"

"Yeah?"

"This is 'liquid balls.'"

He had an unamused look, which probably wasn't soothed by me patting him on the arm.

"You're gonna need them."

"Really?!" he barked as I moved towards Luke.

"Unless you're actually Luke Cage, yes. Before this goes any further, we really should move everyone to safety."

Before I knew it, however, I was shot with a bolt that lodged itself in my thigh. It didn't hurt that much, but this one must've been dipped in a paralytic compound, because my body started going numb. The overall feeling was like when you sit on your leg and it falls asleep, which would explain why I was lying on the ground.

_Paralyze, heal, paralyze. There's a third wheel here I could do very well without._

I heard Davis grunt, then fall to the ground. Hunter came into view, standing over me.

"I know what you're thinking," he said. "I healed your paralysis only to paralyze you again. I didn't plan to do that, but then again, I didn't plan to be punched into the ocean like that."

He stomped on my face, destroying my lenses and cutting my right brow.

"That's for that."

He bent over and grabbed me by the collar, dragging me away from my family.

"Damn, you're heavy," Hunter grunted loudly, obviously having a difficult time. I wondered why he didn't buff himself up, like earlier. Maybe it had a cooldown period, preventing him from using it on a dime. A lot of magic has that kind of condition. He propped me against a tree that was intact.

"I gotta admit, you surprise me at every turn. Eventually, though, you run out of tricks."

I stared up at him with one eye, the other closed due to the blood dribbling from my cut.

"I'm not good with names, never was. Some I remember, only because they meant something to me. Moving on, though.

"That guy, the Son of Anubis? He sniffed you out. It's how we found you. Even after all this, though, I don't think he has the resolve to do what's needed."

He back-stepped a few paces away, drawing his bow.

"Heroes…no, the world need monsters. They need something to project all anger and misery on."

Armed, he pulled the bowstring back, the handguard glowing brightly.

All of that brings us to now. My body immobile, my backup either gone or subdued: there was no possible way I would live past this. Before I could regret all my mistakes in life, his arrow was the last thing I saw.

* * *

(3rd person POV)

Hunter smirked, pleased with himself. The Massacre Maniac was dead, arrow in his eye socket. The Dayshadow walked over and retrieved his bolt.

"One less bastard in the world," he said to himself, wiping the blood off on the red of his pants.

As he walked away, he stopped in mid-step. He did not notice, as if he were frozen in place. This effect had a hold on more than just him. Officer Jenny running through Sandgem, Brock cooking dinner for his younger siblings in Pewter City, Roxie jamming with her crew in Virbank City: these were a few examples as the entire planet stood still, save for three beings. In the sky above, a colossal blue, four-legged creature with minor armor coverage and a large diamond embedded in its chest hovered. On its back, sat the World Champion, accompanied by a tiny green fairy-like entity, black rings around its baby-blue eyes.

"_**May I ask what we are here for, Lord Red?" **_the dinosaur asked telepathically.

"Take us down, Dialga," Red ordered.

The Temporal Pokémon obeyed, floating down with grace befitting one of its position, the fairy flowing closely behind. When they touched down, Red slid off and rushed over to Mike's body. Grief threatened to overwhelm the young man's heart, but he remained focused. Once someone dies, they could not be brought back. Time moves forward for all beings, except for one species.

"Celebi," Red addressed the fairy.

"_Yes, Lord?" _it responded, transmitting.

"Take me back to the beginning of this fight."

Though the Time Travel Pokémon knew what he would ask, it was shocked to hear the order aloud.

"_**Interfering in one's death could have cataclysmic effects on future events. This young man is not worth such effort."**_

"You don't know that."

"_Lord Red, Dialga's right. Saving one person might doom thousands more."_

"And I take full responsibility for whatever happens. I've chosen him as my representative, and I won't change my mind."

"_**You understand that this changes things between you and Father?"**_

"I do, but it'll worth it in the end," Red concluded, his decision resolute.

"_Alright, stay still."_

The fairy enveloped itself and the Champion in a green light, using its psychokinetic power to 'pull' Red through the air behind it as it ascended. A swirling vortex of magenta and green opened up above, the pair passing through. The passageway was reminiscent of a kaleidoscope, odd shapes and colors folding in and out all around, a blank spot at the other end of this tunnel. If one had stared at the images for more than a few seconds, they would surely be hypnotized. In what a normal person may considered 'minutes,' they exited the space and landed on the beach outside of Sandgem.

"When is this?" Red asked.

"_Five minutes beforehand."_

"I'll get there in time. Thank you for your help."

The Pokémon nodded, then flew east into the woods, while the legendary Trainer made his way through the small town. His presence here would last fifteen minutes, before transferring to his past self as a sort of "déjà vu." It was not the first time he had traveled to the past. All the trips before now had been to study the various mysteries of Pokémon, the abbreviation for "Pocket Monsters." Most recently, he had been looking into the Arceus impostor, the "man in white" as one captive Gijinka put it, but came up empty-handed. Though he saw the creatures change, there was no one with them or hidden nearby. Mike had said that the Pokérus may have a connection with them, but if that were the case, it would be a catalyst, nothing more. Where was this "man in white?"

Red eventually made it to Mike's home, where he was already talking with the foreigners. He hurried over to see if he could convince them to spare his friend.

"Red?" Mike made his presence known.

"Hunter, Rex," Red addressed the pair. "Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't. If you do, I will beat you to a pulp."

"Oh, I'm terrified," Hunter said, sounding not at all scared.

"Mike is guilty," Rex responded.

"What human isn't? We have all evil in us, but we have every opportunity to be good. This is your chance."

"Like that changes anything," Hunter commented.

"What about a deal?"

This intrigued the Hero. "What are we talking here, gold?"

The young man shook his head. "It would take a while, but you could return home."

Home. It had been less than a month, but he was missing it dreadfully. Bowerstone, the Guild, the Bordello. The Bordello… did she miss him? That refined woman…

"And I suppose you have conditions?"

"No more killing, period. And you have to help Mike."

"…If that's what it takes."

"That's a long pause," Mike commented.

"What about me?" Rex asked. "Evil souls keep me alive."

"There is a species of Ghost Pokémon, known as Spiritomb. They're made up of a hundred and eight evil souls. Even one Spiritomb would last you a long time, right?"

"It doesn't work quite like that."

"Don't try to argue with him," Mike said. "He always win. I don't like it, but he always win."

"Thank you, Mike."

"What part of that was a compliment?"

"That is the only deal I offer you two. If you refuse…"

Red threw two Pokéballs up in the air. A large, oafish creature with closed eyes sitting up popped out of one, while a cute yellow mouse with red cheeks, its ears perked up came out of the other.

"You'll have to fight us."

Rex wasn't frightened, nor was Hunter. Both could plainly see this young man was an honest one with a good heart, and ready to protect his friend with all he could muster.

Rex chuckled. "What do you want from me?"

"Same thing."

"Red, may I speak with you for a minute?" Mike queried.

"Sure."

The chubby grabbed the veteran Trainer and quickly pulled him out of earshot from the two foreigners.

* * *

(Mike POV)

"Red," I started, stopping on the edge of Route 201, "I'm going to ignore the fact that you're _clearly_ on some illicit drug…"

"What?!"

"…and try to explain everything wrong with what you just did."

"I didn't do anything wrong, though."

"You asked a killer not to kill. That's like asking a Tauros herd not to stampede. That's like asking a Kangaskhan not to love her child. That's like asking Heart and the girls not to be so freaking horny!"

"I understand, but the alternative would have been to let you die."

"What?"

"With Rex, Tessa was there to save you. And Hunter? We both know he was playing with you. On their own, you'd have a **slim** chance, but together? Do you truly believe you would come out on top?"

_What did I tell you? Always wins._

"If you work with me on only one thing, let it be this. Please."

Still resistant to his idea, I looked back there, noticing someone was missing.

"Where's Snorlax?"

Looking behind him, Red went, "Uh-oh."

"Oh, hell no!"

I ran inside the house to stop the glutton from eating all my food, wasn't in the kitchen. I went out to Heart's garden, nada. How does a half-ton Pokémon like that disappear?! I went back through the house, angrier than was necessary.

"Red, I swear, if you're pulling some weird—"

Stepping through the front door, I came to an empty road. As if to emphasize that fact, a tumbleweed rolled along the dirt road, pushed by a light breeze.

"So begins my slow descent to Wonderland," I said, thinking I was losing it.

Rubbing my brow, I thought about his plan. It made sense, keep your friends close and all that. However, I can't trust Hunter or Rex. Both have tried to end me. What's more, they're unpredictable. You don't work with people like that, unless you _**absolutely**_ have no alternative.

Pulling out a pad and pen, I started writing a rough draft.

"_The Last Will and Testament of Michael R. Hogrelius,_" was the title.

_Need I go on?_

**Mike: ...**

**Red: ...**

**Hunter: ...**

**Rex: ...**

**Tessa: ...**

**Cynthia: ...**

**Me: ...That's a long, awkward silence.**

**Mike: You killed me. You actually killed me.**

**Me: In my defense, it was only a matter of time.**

**Hunter: I thought _I _was evil.**

**Red: You bastard!**

**Tessa: I'll hold him down.**

**Cynthia: I'll get his legs!**

**Me: *in fear for my life***

**Mike: Wait!**

**Hunter/Red/Tessa/Cynthia: What?!**

**Mike: Is this canon, or an alternate universe/timeline deal? Because if it's the latter, things are going to get wack.**

**Rex: Wack?**

**Mike: Not "quack," wack.**

**Rex: I said "wack."**

**Mike: Well, that time, you said "crack."**

**Hunter: Do you have selective hearing?**

**Mike: I don't wear earrings.**

**Hunter: Not what I asked.**

**Mike: You have an ax?**

**Cynthia: Good grief.**

**Mike: You guys had beef without me?! That's cruel and unusual punishment!**

**Tessa: How could that possibly be "cruel and unusual punishment?!"**

**Mike: Getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis doesn't leave much room for meal breaks.**

**Hunter: Like you need more food.**

**Mike: 99% percent of the time, I don't mind cracks about my weight. If I forget to eat, though, watch yourselves.**

**Tessa: _You_ forget to eat?**

**Mike: More than you might believe. Mostly breakfast, but- where did he go?**

**Me: *having gotten away* Close one.**

**Yeah, I don't know how that happened... or do I? One thing's for sure, Red's got something planned, and I doubt Mike will like it. Fujimaru24 and Tx2step, I thank you for following this tale. Alrighty then, listen up, people! The next chapter won't be up until next year, which is about a month away. I will be working on my project, but here's something you can do and I would like everyone to participate. I have 2-6 positions for OCs to fill, depending on how many people submit OCs. I know you guys have great ideas, and it should go without saying that they belong to you and you alone. Try telling that to Konami, though. If you decide to submit an OC form, which should consist of name, appearance and the like, the preferable method would be Private Messaging, as to prevent "creative theft." All credit will go to the creators. This is Mike, signing out, waiting to see your creativity!**


End file.

Pokémon, Humor, Romance