Mass Effect 1. AHAB

**A/N:** This all began as an innocent post by **eleganceliberty** and subsequent comment by **sinvraal** on the Mass Effect community over on Live Journal. And everything snowballed from there, until the idea became a monster that wouldn't shut up for anything. So... here it is! **Thanks to everyone in the community** who helped me smooth out the problems in the second part, and thanks to sinvraal for beta-ing the third part! Hope you enjoy!

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**Timeline:** A few months after Snapshots, but before the Bring Down the Sky DLC.

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**Part One: AHAB**

A low, repetitive chirping pulled Kaidan slowly out of sleep. He fought the rise of consciousness, trying to remain in the contented haze of his dream even as its images and feelings began to fade. He struggled to hang on to the verdant green field around him, the soft blanket beneath his back, the warm sun on his face, the feel of Elizabeth Shepard's body pressed against his side...

But... too late. It all vanished into the stale air of a starship and the close, padded confines of a sleeper pod. Kaidan groaned, blinking groggily. He turned his head slightly to the right to glance at the tiny embedded digital clock and frowned. It read 0347. Not time for his shift yet. And most definitely not time for him to wake up.

It took him a second to realize the chirping was not his pre-set alarm, but the tone meant to notify him that he was receiving a call on his private comm channel - an urgent one. Adrenaline washed away the vestiges of fatigue as Kaidan quickly reached up and pressed the button to activate his side of the comm.

"Alenko here," he croaked, then cleared his throat.

"Sorry to wake you, Lieutenant," came the reply, and Kaidan immediately recognized the voice of Captain Roger Jackson, his commanding officer. "We have a situation; I need you in my ready room right away."

"On my way, sir," Kaidan answered, already disengaging the locks that kept the sleeper pod tightly shut. The lieutenant felt a flutter of dread push up his throat, but clenched his jaw against it. Despite his best efforts, he always worried the next message he received would be the one to deliver the crushing news: the _Normandy_ had mysteriously vanished, or gone MIA, or been destroyed... and Shepard with it.

Dim orange light spilled over him as the top half of the coffin-like bed hissed upwards, releasing him. The lieutenant clambered out, took a brief second to stretch, and then moved quickly toward the aft of the ship, where the captain's quarters and ready room were located.

He shook his head as he neared the ready room's door, annoyed by the fact he still wasn't used to the layout of the _SSV Tokyo_. He'd never had so much trouble adjusting to a new assignment... he hadn't spent all that much time on the _Normandy_ compared to some of his other tours of duty, yet every time he woke up he expected to open the pod and find himself aboard the prototype warship instead of the cruiser. He expected Joker's voice every time the PA clicked on. He expected Dr. Chakwas every time he stepped into the medbay. And he expected Commander Shepard to round the corridor every time he heard a pair of approaching boots. He attributed his attachment to the _Normandy_ and her crew to the intensity of his time aboard, to the hell they'd gone through together, and of course, to the feelings he'd developed for Shepard.

Still, it was disorienting, and if he had to be real honest with himself, it was also high time he got over it.

The lieutenant took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, then touched the door panel. A chime sounded from the other side; after a second the panel's light turned from red to green.

"Enter," the captain called, and Kaidan stepped forward, the doors sliding open automatically at his approach, then shutting silently again behind him.

"Captain." Kaidan saluted.

The older man nodded. "At ease, Lieutenant."

"You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Actually, Admiral Hackett wanted to see you," Jackson said, stepping to the side and revealing a small holographic display of the Fifth Fleet Admiral.

Kaidan's eyebrows shot up; the dread turned into a spike that stabbed into the pit of his stomach.

"Lieutenant Alenko," Hackett greeted, giving him a grim nod. "I apologize for waking you this time of night, but we have a potentially volatile situation on our hands and we need your help to resolve it."

Kaidan blinked, the news not what he'd been expecting after all. The knot in his stomach began to unfold. "Me, sir?" He'd never been personally contacted by the brass for a specific task before; he wasn't quite sure whether to be flattered or suspicious.

"Absolutely," Hackett said. "You may recall hearing about a group in the news lately… the ones that call themselves the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics?"

The lieutenant's eyes narrowed. "Yes. I've heard of them. A political group mostly, lobbying for the development of methods to completely eliminate the biotic ability in humans." He understood their motives to a certain extent; human biotics was still a relatively new thing, and like anything new, it took some people more time to get used to it and accept it than others. Some people still just didn't understand it, and what they didn't understand they feared. Kaidan had gotten used to the stares and whispers a long time ago, but on some level he found himself increasingly frustrated with those individuals who flat-out refused to even _try_ to understand the biotic ability as anything other than a mutation.

Individuals like those in AHAB.

He crossed his arms, his gaze shifting between the captain and the admiral. "Didn't they kidnap some people or something?"

Hackett let out a long breath between his teeth, shifting on his feet. "Yes, that's right. There have been reports coming in lately across several of our colonies of people gone missing… civilian and military alike. But all those missing are biotic. Originally members of AHAB claimed responsibility, saying they were 'protecting humanity' or some bullshit, but the president of the organization says the kidnappings were the work of a few rogue members and not condoned by the group as a whole."

"You don't believe him?"

Hackett's shimmering hologram clasped his hands behind his back. "I don't know what to think at this point. Their group is full of fanatic, half-panicked xenophobes – they've been known to pull some pretty bold stuff to get people to listen to them. We're working at getting an N7 in there undercover, but he's still too new to be privy to any information that might prove the president's statement true or false."

"So what do you want me to do, sir?"

"We want you to set up an informal meeting with one of the members."

A grunt of disbelief escaped Kaidan before he realized it and he hastily tried to mask it by clearing his throat. He stood a little straighter, uncrossing his arms and looking the admiral in the face. "With all due respect, sir, I'm not sure a member of an _anti_-biotics organization would have any interest whatsoever in talking with a biotic."

Admiral Hackett held Kaidan's stare. "One might," he said, and then reached over out of view to retrieve a datapad. "We've researched all of AHAB's members," he continued, indicating the readout he held, "and it seems one of them was a classmate of yours during the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training."

"What?" Kaidan blurted, unable to help it. He'd grown close to several kids during those long years at Jump Zero, but he'd never seen any of them – never even heard anything _about_ any of them – since the program had shut down.

"That's right. Rahna Bachar. She's listed right here."

Kaidan reached for the nearest chair, gripping it tightly as a brief wave of vertigo rocked the floor beneath him. _Her._ Of all the kids who had attended BAaT, it had to be her…. "Anti-biotic?" he heard himself muttering aloud. "But she was… she _is_… she's a biotic herself, that doesn't make any sense…"

Hackett shook his head. "I don't understand it, either. Her file here doesn't make it clear if the other members of AHAB even know her history. It's possible she just never told them. I guess she doesn't like being a biotic."

Kaidan still stood there holding the chair, staring at nothing, trying to force his brain to comprehend.

"We'd like you to meet with her… something friendly and informal. Tell her you'd like to catch up or something. Hell, tell her you don't like being a biotic either and were considering joining the group, I don't care. But get her talking. You two grew up together, maybe she'll feel comfortable enough around you to let something slip."

"Sir," Kaidan said, forcing his lips to move. He dragged his eyes back to the admiral, feeling heavy and sluggish, almost as if he were underwater. "Rahna and I didn't part on the best of terms… she may not even agree to see me."

The admiral smiled. "No worries, Lieutenant. We took the liberty of contacting her on your behalf. She seemed pleasantly surprised to hear from you, and agreed to meet you on Terra Nova."

"We're en route now," Captain Jackson put in from his place in the corner, nearly causing the lieutenant to jump. "We'll reach the space port in another few hours."

"Ms. Bachar is the head of AHAB's Research and Development team," Hackett continued. "Not surprisingly, they rent lab space on Noveria, so it's been difficult for the Systems Alliance to get any sort of idea on just what exactly they are researching. This group has never really been taken too seriously, but given this latest rash of kidnappings, the powers-that-be want some answers. We need to find out what they're really capable of. See if you can't also get Ms. Bachar to talk about her work."

"Yes, sir," Kaidan answered reflexively, but his mind was still swimming.

"I'll have Dr. Thomas fit you with a wire so your conversation can be recorded," the captain said. "Don't worry, it'll be completely undetectable."

"And you'll also be provided a subcutaneous transmitter," Admiral Hackett added. "Just in case things get rough, we'll have an N7 commando unit standing ready nearby. They'll know exactly where you are at all times. We don't anticipate any kind of trouble from Ms. Bachar, but it's better to be prepared, especially when dealing with people from these sorts of groups."

"Yes, sir."

There was a short pause. "Alenko," Hackett started, stepping closer to the holographic viewer so that his face loomed larger than the rest of him, "I won't order you to do this. If you don't feel comfortable –"

"No, sir," Kaidan managed, struggling to pull himself from his stupor. "No… I can do it. It's just… it's hard to imagine Rahna being a part of something like that…"

The admiral nodded. "I understand. You'll have a few hours yet to prepare yourself. Captain Jackson has a datapad for you with a copy of this briefing, as well as a few more details and history about AHAB and some of its members. Just remember, finding out what happened to the missing people – finding out if AHAB was really involved - is your first priority. The research is secondary."

"Understood, sir."

"Very well then, Alenko." The admiral stepped back again, beaming at the lieutenant. "I'll expect your report just as soon as your meeting with Ms. Bachar is over with."

"Yes, sir."

"Good luck, Lieutenant." The admiral's image winked out.

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TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Closure

**Part Two: Closure**

His palms were sweating. Kaidan wiped his hands against his pants, picked up his glass of water and sipped it, trying to look casual. The restaurant in which he sat was packed; apparently a very popular establishment in the capital city of Scott. The low murmur of many conversations and distant clink of silverware on plates should have made him feel better. Should have helped calm him down. Instead, it made things worse.

There were too many people, too much commotion, too much movement. Not enough exits and no good way to reach the exits that existed. Too many places to hide weapons, equipment, people, traps… Even worse, he hadn't been allowed to wear his hardsuit or bring any weapons. He wasn't even wearing a uniform right now. He was just another patron at a table, waiting on his other half, lost in a sea of civilian normality. He'd even taken to wearing a high-collared jacket to help hide his biotic amp. Where there was one AHAB member, there were likely to be others, and Kaidan had no desire to be kidnapped.

He brushed the still-slightly-stinging spot on the underside of his left forearm where the subcutaneous transmitter had been injected. That and the barely noticeable press of the tiny receiver in his ear were the only reminders that he really wasn't alone in this. But for some reason, that didn't reassure him much.

Kaidan had never liked these types of situations - situations in which very little was known about the enemy or how the enemy would behave when pressed. As a lieutenant he'd been through several such scenarios – most notably those with Shepard, when they really had no idea the true scope of the geth's invasion, or of Saren's involvement, or of the very real threat of the Reapers – but that didn't mean he'd ever managed to feel comfortable with them. And he'd never faced one alone… never been the one to make the decisions or call the shots when it was impossible to know all the facts. He suddenly had a brand new appreciation for the agony Shepard must have gone through over those long, arduous months aboard the _Normandy_. This was his first time in such a role, and he already felt unraveled and exhausted after only two hours top-side.

_Must be why you haven't made Commander yet_, a wry voice piped in his head – his father's voice. Kaidan scowled and pushed it away, shifting on his chair. So what if he liked to ask questions first and shoot later? It had gotten him into less trouble than some of his counterparts who liked to do the opposite. And he wanted to keep it that way.

The form of a tall, slender woman drew Kaidan's eye as she entered the restaurant and spoke briefly with the hostess. The lieutenant went rigid, staring hard at her face. The eyes… the eyes were familiar. His suspicions were confirmed as the woman's gaze scanned the restaurant, then suddenly locked on him with absolute certainty. She smiled, showing brilliant white teeth, and waved.

Kaidan froze.

Rahna Bachar swept past the hostess and moved with long, purposeful strides toward his table, throwing her arms wide as she arrived. "Kaidan!" she greeted warmly, as if they were old friends.

_We are old friends. _The stray thought flickered briefly through his head, then vanished again as he somehow roused himself enough to stand stiffly from his seat and accept, with complete bewilderment, her generous hug. She smelled like vanilla.

She took the seat across from him and he resumed his own, staring at her, taking in her appearance and still feeling as if this was all some kind of dream. She looked… different. Thinner than he remembered, and gaunt in the face. Her once-rounded and gentle features looked sharper now, worn and weary. But her eyes were bright with enthusiasm as she leaned her elbows on the table and grinned.

"Kaidan Alenko," she said again, as if unable to believe this meeting was taking place herself. "Imagine seeing you here, after all these years."

Kaidan swallowed hard, trying to find his voice. The memory of the last time he'd seen her kept replaying in his head, over and over again, sharper and clearer than ever before. He'd tried to go explain things to her, tried at least to say goodbye, but she'd refused to speak to him. She'd refused to even look at him, recoiling from his reach and acting as though he'd snap her in half if he so much as touched her.

"Rahna," he said finally, his voice thick. He instinctively glanced around the restaurant, though he wasn't sure what he was looking for. "I… I came to talk to you."

She nodded, still smiling. "I know. You came all the way to Terra Nova just to meet with me. I'm flattered."

A burn of guilt began crawling up Kaidan's neck. He hoped she hadn't misunderstood his intentions… He cleared his throat. "I just feel like… I feel like there should be some… closure between us." He winced. It sounded lame, like a setup. He wasn't very good at this undercover thing…

Rahna blinked, tilting her head to one side, a lock of long, brown hair falling over one shoulder. "Closure?" She gave a little laugh and a memory long forgotten stirred within Kaidan. He remembered wanting nothing more than to hear that laugh. "Kaidan, it's been sixteen years," she said. "Sixteen years since we went our separate ways. I know things weren't that great between us then, but… it's been a long time. A lot can change in sixteen years."

_Yeah, like you deciding to join an anti-biotic group_, he thought grimly. He sat back in his chair, shrugging. "I know. But I just wanted to be sure you knew that I…" He trailed off, frowned. He felt bits of truth beginning to come out in what he planned to say. He didn't really _want_ to drag all this out into the open again, but for the sake of the mission, it was sort of necessary. He drew in a deep breath, let it out heavily, and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Rahna," he said in a low voice, "I never meant to kill Vyrnnus. I just wanted him to stop hurting you. To stop… hurting all of us."

She held his hard gaze for a long, silent moment.

"Of course you didn't mean to kill him, Kaidan," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "You were merely a tool, doing what you were built to do."

The lieutenant felt his spine stiffen, sensing more than seeing the change in her attitude.

"I do regret the manner in which we parted," she went on, her smile fading as sadness touched her rich brown eyes. "You don't know how much that hurt me… but I was… I was so scared and confused. For a long time I thought about you, Kaidan. And about what had happened. I kept thinking that we – all of us – had done something wrong, somehow. That we hadn't turned out like we were supposed to. That you… that there was something wrong with your amp or something, and that's why your biotic outburst killed Vyrnnus." She sighed quietly, then continued. "As I got older and was able to do my own research into human biotics, however, I came to a sudden realization."

She looked Kaidan square in the face, and a prickle crawled up his neck.

"The human biotic ability was engineered, Kaidan," she said, very quietly. "From the very beginning - it was engineered. And do you know why?"

But Kaidan was already shaking his head. "Only in-utero exposure to eezo can result in human biotic ability, and there's nothing engineered about an accident of –"

"Isn't there?" Rahna interrupted, leaning over the table again. "Tell me, Kaidan, what do you think of that rash of drive failures in 2163? Do you really think all of them were accidents? Don't you think it's a little strange that not one single drive failure occurred out in empty space? That every one of them just _happened_ to occur over populated areas? You don't find that suspicious?"

The lieutenant just looked at her, deciding on his response. He _had _wondered about the exposures in 2163, and it was more than just a passing curiosity. He'd even let slip something about his theories to Commander Shepard when she'd first come aboard the _Normandy_. But at the same time, there was no actual _proof _that any of the drive failures had been arranged on purpose. A conspiracy theorist could find conspiracy anywhere they looked, after all….

"Kaidan," Rahna spoke up, not waiting for his reply, "just think about it. The biotic ability is a _weapon_." She hesitated, then forged ahead. "You better than anyone should know how true that is. They took us to Jump Zero to turn us into soldiers. Tools. Weapons for the military. They wanted what the aliens had… the equivalent to asari commandos."

Kaidan snorted. "Human biotics aren't nearly as strong as the asari… and anyway, biotics don't _have_ to be used as weapons, there are plenty of other uses –"

"Really?" Rahna broke in, crossing her arms. "Like what?"

"Search and rescue," the lieutenant answered easily. "There are many biotics in the medical field who use the ability to manipulate gravity in order to rescue those trapped beneath buildings, cars, rocks… stuff too heavy, bulky, or awkward for anything short of a crane to remove."

"But the fact remains those objects could still be removed with a crane."

"Which takes time to retrieve and place," Kaidan countered. "Some people don't have that kind of time to wait."

"And what else can biotics be used for?"

Kaidan opened his mouth, about to mention the fact that one could retrieve something from across the room without getting up, but stopped himself. He had a feeling Rahna wouldn't care in the least about such trivial uses, and anyway, that was how she'd gotten her arm broken all those years ago. He cleared his throat, shifting again in his chair, trying to think of other situations in which his abilities had been useful.

The only ones he could come up with were combat-related. He scowled.

"Exactly," Rahna said. "The biotic ability is first and foremost a weapon. A weapon exploited and encouraged by the military. Why else do you think we were ripped away from our families as children and stuck out on the edge of the solar system? Why else do you think other people eye us so strangely, Kaidan? Because they are scared of us. And with good reason. We both know how destructive biotics can be -"

"The ability can be controlled," Kaidan cut in, beginning to feel uncomfortable. The image of Vyrnnus flying across the room, smashing into the wall, crumpling into a broken heap - an image he'd been trying to bury for sixteen years - kept replaying in his head with shocking clarity. He remembered the rage, the surprisingly strong pull of gravity on his body as he struck out, the screech and clatter of tables and chairs being sucked into his throw... things he hadn't thought about in years. A creeping guilt built somewhere in his gut, but he told himself she wasn't really talking about him specifically, she wasn't blaming him... her attitude toward biotics hadn't been influenced by what _he_ did, surely...

"But _will_ it be controlled, Kaidan?" she asked. "That is the most important question. Take Major Kyle, for instance, and his rather large group of biotic followers."

Kaidan raised his brows, surprised to hear her mention that incident.

"I watch the news," she said, picking up on his expression. "I'm sure there was more to it than what the broadcast mentioned, but I admit I was exceedingly impressed that you and that Commander Shepard got out of that place alive."

"They were still human beings," Kaidan growled, his irritation rising, "They listened to reason."

"So why was a Spectre sent to deal with them, then? Admit it, Kaidan, that situation could have turned real bad, real fast."

Now it was his turn to lean forward on the table. "Just like any situation in which there is a group of people who believe strongly in something, who are told they need to stop doing what they are doing, and who are armed with anything - whether it be biotics, tanks, grenades, or guns." A part of him hoped she'd see the parallels between Major Kyle's cult and the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics.

She looked at him for a second, and then a small smile curved the corners of her mouth. "Tanks, grenades, and guns can be taken away. They can be regulated. Biotics, on the other hand... the ability is inherent, it exists _within _a person. It cannot simply be… removed."

The way she said it made Kaidan's stomach curdle.

"Do you know what happened to the other kids from Brain Camp?" she asked softly, suddenly.

He shook his head.

"Three of them committed suicide shortly after the program shut down. Four went insane and currently reside in mental health institutions. Two were members of Major Kyle's cult." She gave a nod at his expression of disbelief. "I'm sure you didn't see them; there were a lot of people at that compound. But they were there. Of course, where they are now, nobody knows. One of our BAaT classmates became a doctor, another an N7. And then there's you. And me."

A long silence stretched between them. Kaidan wasn't sure what she expected him to say, if anything. He didn't want to argue anymore, Rahna having made her opinion on biotic abilities quite clear. He would have preferred to leave, to get back to the _Tokyo_ and get on with his life, trying to forget this discussion had ever happened, but he hadn't yet gained any information on the missing people or AHAB's research.

He sighed, met her waiting gaze. "Why did you join the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics, Rahna?" The question was abrupt, his tone flat.

She reacted as if he'd slapped her, her eyes going wide. "How did you find out about that?" she hissed.

"I have my sources."

She glared at him, but Kaidan refused to back down. "You _are_ biotic, Rahna," he pressed. "It's a unique and rare ability, and yes, maybe it can be used to hurt people in the hands of the wrong users, but that's why it's up to _us_, the people who _have_ that ability, who know what's it's really like to _be_ biotic, to make the right choices and make sure we are doing the right thing." He shook his head. "Joining the cause to stir up more confusion and distrust toward biotics is not the way to solve anything."

Rahna's face had gone very pale, her hands clenched into fists on the table. Her dark brown eyes glimmered like he had never seen them; hard and angry. "You are wrong, Kaidan," she whispered, and a sinking feeling bloomed in his chest... she just wasn't going to listen. "I am not biotic," she said firmly, and swept her long hair aside, twisting in her seat so he could see the back of her neck, where a long, hideous scar marred her skin from hairline to spine. He drew back in his chair as she turned around to face him again. "I had the jack taken out."

Kaidan's mouth fell open, but words failed him. As far as he knew, no biotic had ever had their amp jack removed. The circuitry was directly connected with the brainstem and spinal nerves – to have it removed would be an extremely risky and complicated surgery. The chances of permanent physical damage were ridiculously high. Only a very desperate person would ever undergo such an operation voluntarily….

Admiral Hackett's words came back to him: _"Their group is full of fanatic, half-panicked xenophobes…"_ A very real fear iced his heart as he looked at the woman across from him. He knew suddenly, without doubt, that Rahna's group was very capable of the biotic kidnappings, that the president of the organization was almost certainly lying, that Rahna's research needed to be stopped as soon as possible, and that the Systems Alliance powers-that-be needed to start taking AHAB seriously.

Very seriously.

"You still don't get it, do you?" she asked, barely audible. "Poor Kaidan. They trained you so well, they made you blind."

The lieutenant stood from the table, glaring at her. She sounded too much like the people he'd had to deal with as a young adult, the people who'd eventually driven him to join the military, where at least he had a place, a purpose, and people who appreciated his skills. "You have no idea what you're a part of," he growled, refusing to let her make him second-guess his life decisions, refusing to let her make him feel guilty again. He turned as if to go and she jumped from her chair.

"Kaidan, wait," she blurted, reaching out to catch his arm. He stiffened at her touch, but stopped, if only because he hoped she'd say something else about AHAB's recent activities.

"I… I didn't mean to sound so harsh," she said, reaching down to grip his hand and give it a squeeze. Her fingers were cold and bony. "It's just that I… well, it's hard to explain. I want to show you something. Can I show you something before you leave?"

Kaidan glanced down at her, into her upturned face. Her eyes were soft and warm again, almost like he remembered. He tried to maintain the wall of anger and frustration against her pleading gaze, but it was hard, even after sixteen years. "Depends on what it is," he said gruffly.

"I'd like to show you some of my research; the proof that backs up my arguments. I have a copy on an OSD in my vehicle. I actually… I actually made it for you, to show you what I discovered, if you were interested. You can take it with you if you like. Then… you can make your own decisions."

Kaidan's heart skipped a beat at the mention of her research. That was exactly what he needed. Up until this point, he hadn't managed to weasel one sentence of solid information from her; it seemed anything he said just prompted another rant or more AHAB propaganda. He hesitated, looking around the restaurant once more. But no one seemed to be paying too much attention, or too little attention, to him or Rahna. Everyone looked completely normal, enthusiastically enjoying their dinner. He didn't figure he really had much of a choice, anyway; this was his first personally assigned solo mission, and he sure as hell wasn't going back to the _Tokyo_ completely empty-handed. He nodded reluctantly. "Fine."

Rahna eagerly led him out of the restaurant into the street. The sun was setting, casting a brilliant orange glow against the sides of buildings, flashing against the gravcars' windshields as they whizzed past. Kaidan didn't come to Terra Nova much, but he had to admit the city of Scott was one of the nicest off-Earth human settlements he'd ever seen. The roads were wide and clean, the establishments classy and well-kept. He took a few scant seconds to sight-see in-between scanning the roadways for potential threats or attackers, his gaze coming back often to Rahna herself.

She was obviously a very disturbed woman. Yet he could still detect traces of the sweet and gentle girl she'd used to be, however vague and fleeting. It was an uneasy mix that put him on edge. Part of him still insisted she was the person he used to know, that she really didn't know what she'd gotten into by joining AHAB, and that he could reach her if he tried hard enough. But another part of him – the bigger part – prickled in warning: he couldn't afford to treat her as anything but an unpredictable fanatic.

"My car is over here," Rahna said, gesturing to an alley on the side of the restaurant they'd just exited. Kaidan slowed as he approached the mouth of the narrow lane, raking his surroundings with a sharp eye. The streets were nearly empty, the few approaching pedestrians harmless, the rooftops empty. The alley was open-ended, facing onto another plaza ringed with various shops, eateries, and pubs. Two metal ladders on either side of the passage led up to the roofs of the neighboring shops. _Not a dead end. Plenty of exits…_

He looked back at Rahna to see her open her vehicle and lean inside. He tensed, a dim blue corona flaring to life around him as he prepared for her to emerge again. He knew she hadn't been carrying a personal weapon, but that didn't mean she didn't have one in her car. _At least I know I won't have to contend with her biotics… _He felt a twinge of remorse almost immediately and grimaced. That was nothing to be happy about… he would have taken a biotic battle rather than her current AHAB attitude any day.

Rahna finally pulled herself from her vehicle and straightened, the small OSD flashing in the slanting sunlight as she raised it triumphantly. "Here it is." She turned toward him, reached out to grab his hand, and opened his fingers. She pressed the disk into his palm and closed his fingers over it again, looking up into his face. "Take it. Keep it. Maybe it will help you understand."

Kaidan slowly pulled his fist from her grip, allowing his pre-barrier corona to flicker and die. He opened his hand and stared at the disk, surprised despite himself. _Maybe I'm just being paranoid._ "Thanks." It sounded as lame as the way he'd first started their conversation. He cleared his throat. "I'll, uh… be interested to see what's on here." That much was true, at least.

Rahna smiled faintly. "Maybe we can talk again sometime. After you've reviewed my work."

_Not on your life._ "Yeah, maybe."

She sighed, her eyes turning sad. She reached up, rested a palm against his cheek. It took all of Kaidan's willpower not to draw away. "Oh Kaidan," she whispered, "you've changed so much."

He opened his mouth to retort that he sure as hell wasn't the only one, but the loud revving of an approaching engine caught his attention. His eyes left Rahna to look behind her, only to see a medical car emblazoned with a red cross pull up at the end of the alley and slide to a hasty halt. Three figures immediately jumped out, striding quickly in his direction.

"Rahna," he began, but no sooner had he opened his mouth than the figure in the lead raised an arm, and Kaidan recognized the shape of a gun.

Adrenaline shocked white-hot fire through his veins and Kaidan instinctively shoved Rahna behind him, then slid into a protective stance and threw up a biotic barrier with every ounce of his strength. Rahna cried out as the boiling blue field enveloped her; a muffled shot echoed between the alley walls and Kaidan felt a ripple through his gravitational field as the projectile hit the disturbance, lost its speed, and fell harmlessly to the ground. Another shot and ripple, then clatter as the bullet hit the pavement.

A sharp pain suddenly flared in the back of Kaidan's skull and his vision blacked; he felt his mass effect field wobble and collapse, the uncontrolled release of pressure making his ears pop. He hit his hands and knees on the dirty pavement, his sight swimming back into focus even as a burning fire spread across the back of his neck. He reached up to touch it gingerly, his fingers finding an empty jack.

Another jolt of adrenaline brought his senses into high alert; the sound of a third shot was impossibly loud, and a shocking pain radiated from Kaidan's right shoulder as the force of the projectile knocked him flat on his back.

The lieutenant ground his teeth, fighting back the cry, and reached over to yank the dart from his skin. He squinted at it, saw the long needle and reservoir, and swore, throwing it away. He'd just been drugged… or poisoned. Kaidan rolled to his hands and knees, then pushed himself laboriously to his feet, swaying. Blood stained his shirt where the dart had hit and sweat beaded on his forehead. He felt dizzy….

"Savant X, eh?" came Rahna's voice, seemingly from far away. Kaidan looked toward her with a start, only to see her holding his biotic amp in her hand, studying it. "No wonder your barrier was so damn strong."

A rush of understanding gripped him and he stepped forward in a rage, but his knees buckled and sent him to the ground. He stayed there for a moment, breathing hard, feeling nauseous as the world rocked around him. He tried to gather his wits enough to mount some kind of biotic throw, but with the drugs in his system and without the amp his efforts fizzled out well before they gathered enough effective strength. He saw the three men from the medical transport approaching in his peripheral vision and tried with all his might to get to his feet again.

But his body no longer responded to his commands. His limbs were heavy and numb and he fell back to the ground, the alley around him slowly dimming. Rough hands grabbed his shoulders, turned him over.

"Welcome to the organization, Lieutenant," one of the men said, and there was another jab in Kaidan's neck.

His last thought before blackness claimed him was of the N7 unit supposedly still tracking him. He hoped they could follow his signal… hoped that wherever he led them would make it all worth it….

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Cure

**Part Three: Cure**

Kaidan awoke with a start, immediately trying to sit up. His chest hit a wide band of resistance and the force of his effort to rise slammed him back down against a firm mattress. He glanced down, saw a thick leather strap buckled across his upper body. His first instinct was to raise his hands to free himself, but his wrists had been restrained as well. And so had his ankles, he discovered after a few experimental tugs.

"Dr. Bachar," a female voice called from somewhere to his right, "he's awake."

The sound of Rahna's surname sent a bolt of dread through Kaidan's gut; a high-pitched, accelerated beeping drew his attention and he turned his head to reluctantly take in the room around him. It had the appearance of a hospital room: various medical equipment sat stacked up along the walls, empty and occupied beds were positioned at equal intervals between the equipment - though Kaidan noted with some concern that all visible patients were restrained in the same manner as he. The décor was sparse, the walls painfully white. Three human figures moved about the room holding datapads, checking equipment and unconscious patients, then typing notes. All three wore scrubs, lab coats, bouffant caps and respiratory masks, making Kaidan acutely aware of the fact he wore only a thin pair of scrub pants.

The incessant beeping accelerated again; Kaidan abruptly realized it was his heartbeat, dutifully tracked and recorded by the machine next to his bed. There was also an IV drip, the clear tubing snaking down along his arm to end in the needle stuck into a vein on the top of his hand. He swallowed hard; the slamming of his heart against his ribs mockingly echoed by the monitor next to him.

"Take it easy, Lieutenant." Rahna's tone came in a purr as she swept up next to him, also dressed in scrubs and a lab coat but without the bouffant cap or mask. She still smelled like vanilla. "No need to get so excited, I'm not going to hurt you." She smiled brilliantly, pulling up a wheeled chair and settling herself into it, gazing down at him fondly. "You are very clever, Kaidan."

He had no idea what she was talking about, nor did he care. The only thought in his head at the moment was how he could possibly get out of his restraints, and then, how he could possibly get out of the room.

"Or at least, _someone_ in the Systems Alliance is, sending you to meet with me like that."

Kaidan's squirming stilled, his eyes going back to her face, the cursed heart monitor betraying any effort he could have made to pretend her statement wasn't true.

Her smile widened. "It's just something we look for, especially in you military types. Transmitters or tracking devices. Yours were highly advanced, though. Took my electronics tech a good deal longer to locate yours than usual. But… he found them. That's why I keep him around." She turned to accept a datapad from one of her assistants and scrolled through it thoughtfully.

Kaidan pulled viciously at the loops of leather around his wrists, but they held fast.

"I told you I'm not going to hurt you," Rahna said again, without looking up from the datapad.

"Then why am I restrained?" Kaidan asked through his teeth, finally getting his voice to work. Two panicked thoughts ran across his mind over and over again: that Admiral Hackett had said Rahna did research on Noveria, and that his subcutaneous transmitter had been deactivated. If she'd taken him off Terra Nova, they were never going to find him….

Rahna sighed, handing the datapad off again and turning to him. "Because you didn't understand my point."

He glared at her. "Clearly you did not understand mine, either."

She smiled again, but lines of weariness pulled at her eyes. "Do you remember the book I gave you for your fifteenth birthday?" she asked quietly.

He remembered. _Ender's Game_, by Orson Scott Card. A real printed book. A priceless antique her parents had bought for her before she left for Jump Zero, which she had later gifted to him at the point when their relationship started to shift beyond friendship.

"Don't you remember what Ender realized?" she whispered. And then she began to quote, word for word, as if she were reading it, in a strangely toneless voice that caused goosebumps to race across Kaidan's skin. "'There was no doubt in Ender's mind'," she began. "'There was no help for him. Whatever he faced, now and forever, no one would save him from it. Peter might be scum, but Peter had been right, always right'," her eyes shifted to him suddenly, trapping him beneath a heavy stare, "'the power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you'."

Kaidan swallowed in a dry throat, sure now that he was looking at the fifth insane member of the BAaT class. "Rahna," he said slowly, carefully, "that's a book. A fictional story –"

"It wasn't fiction to us, Kaidan!" she hissed vehemently, shooting to her feet so abruptly that he startled. "What we went through up there was not fiction! We were isolated and abused, expected to do things that children should never do! They forced us into that lifestyle, Kaidan – they turned us into mutant freaks and then told us we had nowhere else to go except that space prison! How convenient for them, don't you think? Take us up there away from everyone who loves us, who cares for us, away from prying eyes and ears, so they can do whatever they want with us! Open us up, put things in our brains, training us to do things with our minds no human being was ever meant to do! How did they think it would turn out? Is it any wonder that 75% of all human biotics lose their minds? And for what? So the military can get a few super-soldiers out of the deal?"

"It's not done like that anymore –"

"But the result is the same," she snapped. "Training methods have no impact on the overall mental stability of humans with biotic abilities. Do you know why? Because it's _not natural_. Our bodies don't know how to handle it. It's a mutation we were never meant to have, or, if we did somehow develop it without intentional exposure to eezo, was never meant to be used in the manner the amps make possible. It causes electrical feedback in the neural network, which over time can become severe enough to permanently damage nerves, and, in most cases, the brain itself." She splayed her hands. "Lesions develop. Madness results."

For the first time since meeting with her on Terra Nova, Kaidan felt a tiny thread of doubt weave into his confidence. "I've… never heard anything about that."

Rahna's eyes narrowed. "And why would you? Biotics are too valuable as soldiers for the negative side-effects to get any attention. We can't let the _aliens_ beat us in that arena, now, can we? Just like Peter told Ender: the power to kill and destroy is the only power that matters, because if you can't kill you are always subject to those who can." She shook her head. "In the end the Systems Alliance gets their super-soldiers, and human biotics get a life and a job where they would otherwise be outcast, albeit a life and job that has been arranged and planned for them since birth. And the rest of humanity, spread throughout the galaxy, is left with the rogue biotics, the crazies, who blunder in and wreck havoc and destruction, until the Alliance sends a Spectre in to brush it all under the rug."

Kaidan's defenses rose again at the reference to Shepard. "You have no idea what I've seen," he whispered gruffly, never wishing so hard that the whole Reaper business wasn't classified. "But I can tell you I would have been dead already if not for my biotic skill, and many other people – many other _humans_ – along with me."

Rahna looked at him long and hard, resuming her seat. "After you have the ability for so long, you forget what it's like not to have it. But there are plenty of soldiers out there who are not biotic. Do you think them any less capable in a battle?"

Kaidan pressed his mouth into a hard line. "Not on principle."

She shrugged. "Then you must see my point."

He shook his head in exasperation, noticing that now the other three technicians kept glancing in his direction between typing their notes, obviously curious about the ongoing argument. "Your point is completely based on –"

"My point is that the biotic ability in humans is unnecessary. Frankly, the ability as a whole is unnecessary, regardless of species. It does nothing but cause pain, suffering, isolation, antagonism, intimidation, and psychosis. For the past eleven years I've been working on some way to eradicate this problem… finally, I found it."

"Right, surgically removing your jack, fantastic idea," Kaidan growled, squirming in his restraints again.

"Not hardly," Rahna answered, holding up her right hand. "This hand still gets bad muscle spasms because of that. Makes it hard to write, type, do procedures… I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

"Serves you right," Kaidan muttered, unable to help himself.

She pursed her lips disapprovingly; gripping the edge of his bed and pulling herself close. "The secret lay in a virus," she continued, undaunted. "There was a group of ambitious miners, you see, who made their living and reputation by dropping to the planets other miners wouldn't touch, planets deemed too hazardous to bother with by everyone else. They'd go down, brave the conditions, and retrieve any valuable minerals they found. Eventually they started getting hired by all sorts of people to go to all the unpleasant places and make their employers rich. Of course, they got their fair share too, but… about six years ago they landed on Clotanca. They found some iridium there, harvested it, and returned to their ship. A week later their ship was found adrift in the system. They were all still on board, but dead."

Kaidan frowned. He didn't like this story. His eyes flickered over to the technicians again; noticed one was now at a small workbench in the corner, peering into a microscope.

"An autopsy revealed they had been killed by a virus that had apparently originated on Clotanca." Rahna was still talking. "It was carried on the wind, got onto some of their equipment, and they inhaled it later when putting the equipment away. The medical report claimed their decontamination system hadn't been updated in several years. Kind of ironic, really." She paused for a moment in thought, then went on.

"Once inhaled, the virus burrowed into their lung tissue and entered the blood stream. Where it then targeted the brain and central nervous system. Essentially, it broke down communication between the brain and body, destroyed neurons, and eventually paralyzed and killed the miners. When I discovered this detail, I realized the lovely Clotanca virus was my perfect vector. It took me a few more years to modify it to my specifications and find the right gene marker, of course, but the last few trials have been extremely promising."

She scooted even closer to his bed, hovering over his head, beaming down at him. Over her shoulder Kaidan saw the technician at the microscope lift her arm. A needle glinted in the bright light as he transferred whatever had been under the microscope into a vial of liquid.

"My engineered virus only targets the _mutant _nodes of the nervous system," Rahna said excitedly. "It destroys them without harming the normal nodes. The process does cause some pain, but it's only temporary. And the resulting numbness in the limbs resolves within a few months. Don't you see what I'm saying, Kaidan?" She grinned, gripping his forearm tightly with one hand. "I've found a cure! I've found a way to eliminate biotic ability in humans!"

She released him, jumping from her chair as if she were a child receiving a long-awaited toy at Christmas-time. "After so many long years of working… I finally did it! No child will ever again have to be separated from their family, or feel like an outsider, or be called a freak. They won't have to endure painful surgery for a lifestyle they never chose… now, they can live a normal life from the moment they're born!"

Kaidan stared at her, his heartbeat seeming to slow, becoming painful as his mind vortexed around a singlular understanding. "You… you kidnapped those people… to test your virus?" he choked out.

Rahna's enthusiasm collapsed under a withering look of disappointment.

"I don't think you realize what I'm saying, Kaidan. I'm saying no child has to be whisked away from their homes and stuck in some government-run, militarized school ever again. I'm saying there will no longer be mentally unstable people with uncontrollable powers disturbing defenseless colonies. I'm saying all those people who never got to choose their lifestyle will now have a choice."

"And those people you kidnapped?" Kaidan bit off the words, his stare blazing. "I suppose you gave them a choice before you strapped them down and injected your virus?"

Rahna's expression turned into one of pity, as if he were a small child who just could not grasp the workings of a much larger world. "As long as they were biotic, they had no choices," she said softly. "I opened a world of freedom to them. A world of infinite possibilities."

"Any of them say thank you?" he growled.

Her eyes dropped to the floor. "A few."

"What does that tell you?" Kaidan tried again, seeing the technician by the microscope beginning to fill a large syringe with the fluid from the vial. "What about the ones who didn't say thank you? Don't you think that means they _wanted_ to be biotic, that they were happy with their lives, that given the _choice_ - they would have stayed that way?"

"Impossible," Rahna said, waving a hand dismissively. "They simply did not understand the magnitude of what I was doing for them. No biotic is truly happy. There are too many forces at work against them."

"One of which you decided to _join_!"

Rahna leaned down over his bed again, her glare fierce, her hair creating a dark curtain that brushed the edge of his cheek. "Because they were willing to give me the funding I needed to continue my work!" she said through her teeth. "Can't you understand... I'm fixing all of our problems!"

"You and the people you work for are the ones with problems!"

She straightened rigidly. "I guess it might be easy for someone like you to say that," she whispered, her eyes narrowing. "The famous Lieutenant Alenko, shining example of a perfect biotic soldier. Excellent service record, countless commendations, once the right-hand man of the first human Spectre herself. And no psychotic incidences. Just a few migraines here and there, right?"

Kaidan clenched his jaw, refusing to discuss his own personal history.

"Well let me tell you, _Lieutenant_, you are the exception to the rule. You lived the news while on the _Normandy_ - didn't you ever watch it? Don't you remember the group of biotics who kidnapped Chairman Burns and demanded retribution for all the problems the L2 implants caused? The implant _you_ still have. And I know you remember the chaos Major Kyle caused. That's two very large groups of unhappy biotic individuals just in the last few months. I already told you what happened to the rest of our class from the Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training. The results of the current training methods are much the same."

She shook her head. "There are very few happy endings in the world of human biotics, Kaidan. Even the ones that start out happy often don't end happily. Your perfect little world is doomed. One day even you will slip off the edge, and everyone around you will be the ones to pay the price. Is that how you want it to end?"

"They brainwashed you," Kaidan blurted, seeing no other way she could have come to such realizations with such unwavering certainty. "Every biotic is not insane, Rahna. You've bought into their propaganda; this is what they want you to think - this is what they want the public to think - they are trying to turn the non-biotic population against us to isolate us further... to force us to have to register in a database like nothing more than... than -"

"Weapons," Rahna finished for him, her voice flat and cold.

"Animals," he said fiercely, unsettled by the effortless ease with which she turned his arguments against him. "Biotics are human, too."

"Mutated humans," Rahna ammended. "With an unnatural ability. But they can be normal again, whole again, thanks to my engineered Clotanca virus. They won't have to worry about the public fearing them, mistrusting them, or forcing them to register... because they will no longer be biotic. They will be just like everyone else."

She turned and gestured to the female technician still near the microscope.

"I told you I wasn't going to hurt you, Kaidan," Rahna said, looking down at him again. "And I won't. I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm going to save them. I'm going to save them all. I'm going to save _you_."

She took the syringe from the other woman and a shock of raw fear clamped down on Kaidan's lungs. The heart monitor beside him spiked noticeably as he struggled against his restraints in a renewed effort to escape. "Rahna, don't," he tried desperately as she began to insert the needle into the IV tube catch. "Please don't..."

At one point in his life he would have welcomed her discovery - wept for joy even. After he'd returned home from Brain Camp, he wanted nothing more than to be normal, like every other kid his age. Wanted nothing more than to forget the long, lonely years he'd spent on Jump Zero, the painful implant surgeries, the constantly-screaming drill instructors, the tasteless food, the daily pain inflicted by Vyrnnus... But it had been the following months at home that had been the darkest of his life, when he hadn't even been sure he could pull himself through till morning. Each day was a challenge; a horrible, exhausting gauntlet both emotionally and physically. Each sunrise he saw was an accomplishment - though at the time he couldn't decide if still being alive was good or bad.

Somehow he'd survived it. He lived. He moved on. Now, he was happy with his life. He'd come to terms with his past and his abilities and was fully invested in his present. His talent at manipulating gravity was as much a part of him as the ability to see, or speak, or touch. For Rahna to deprive him of that against his will... it was a violation of the most basic human rights. She was crippling him, taking away his livelihood, and calling it a 'cure'…

"Rahna," Kaidan rasped, fighting a clutching bout of panic, "I'm asking you, as a friend... think about what you're doing! It's not right - if you do this, you're no better than the people blowing up drive cores above populated worlds!"

"Wrong," she answered coolly, completely unfazed by his outburst. "I'm fixing their mistakes." She depressed the syringe plunger, forcing the virus-containing liquid into the IV tube, where it mixed and became invisible, and began its slow and inevitable descent toward his veins.

Kaidan's focus abruptly sharpened, narrowed by the pulsing fear of losing something so much a part of him and the sudden overwhelming sense of maddening helplessness. His body reacted instinctively, defaulting to the mode of protection it knew best.

"Doctor Bachar!" the nearest technician yelped, leaping backward as a faint blue-black distortion wavered around the lieutenant.

Rahna snapped her head around, saw what he was doing, and swore. "Mark!" she called out to the tech across the room, "get the –"

The mass effect field exploded outward, rippling across the room like a shock wave and slamming into people and equipment alike. Rahna stumbled, nearly losing her balance, and the empty syringe clattered to the floor. Instruments and datapads slid from their resting places and rained to the tiled ground even as the heart monitor next to the lieutenant rocked precariously onto two legs.

Rahna lunged for it in an attempt to catch it, but just missed. It hit the floor with a mighty crash, ripping the electrodes from Kaidan's skin and splintering into several pieces, the monitor sparking a few times before going dark.

"Sonuva_bitch_!" Rahna hissed, catching onto the IV support pole before it, too, toppled over. "Get the sedatives!" she barked. "Now!"

Her assistants scrambled to comply, their faces as white as their lab coats, their eyes wide. Kaidan blinked a few times, taken aback by the strength of his outburst. He'd never attempted a biotic attack without the use of his hands and arms before. Instead of physically executing the mnemonic motion, he'd had to imagine it, and as difficult as that had been to trigger, he hadn't expected the result to be quite so effective.

He tried to do it again, concentrating intensely on the male tech who had snatched up a hypo from a nearby table. A sweat broke out across the lieutenant's forehead, but he felt it at the edges of his mind; the beginnings of gravity starting to bend again.

Another bulge of distortion blew off him all at once, lifting the technician called Mark off his feet briefly before dumping him back to the floor. The hypo-syringe skittered away and Mark whimpered feebly as he scrambled back to his hands and knees, crawling quickly to the other side of the room and shoving himself into a corner.

Rahna cursed vehemently in fluid Turkish and strode across the room toward the abandoned sedative hypo, sending deadly glares to all of her associates. But none of them moved, all frozen in their places with gaping mouths, unwilling now to approach the lieutenant.

Kaidan watched her, panting with the amp-less effort of generating the two small fields. His skin felt cold, his muscles hot. But he had never been so grateful for the months – _years_ – he'd spent learning to control every nuance of his ability. All the times he'd forced himself to be perfectly accurate, precise, controlled – had paid off. Without an amp, most human biotics were lucky if they could move a pen or a cup, much less a person or more than one piece of equipment. The control and focus just weren't there.

That's where Kaidan had the advantage over most other human biotics. His experiences at BAaT had made him cautious to the point of maddening many of his COs, Shepard included. It was what had landed him in the Navy instead of the Ns. But it had also given him unparalleled control and accuracy, even without his amp.

Rahna retrieved the hypo and spun to face him, her eyes crescents beneath her dark brows. "Very impressive, Lieutenant," she snapped. "But useless. How long do you think you can keep that up?" She spread her arms, challenging him. "You want to try again? Go ahead."

He did. It was weak and short-lived; hardly more than a shudder through the air, but it was enough to shove over the pole holding the IV drip. The metal clanged sharply against the floor and Kaidan grimaced as the needle and medical tape yanked roughly from his hand. Warm oozing blood spread from the fiery sting, slipping across his skin to stain the mattress.

Rahna stomped over to his side and jabbed the hypodermic needle into his neck hard enough to illicit a cry. The piston hissed in his ear and then Rahna drew away, turning to right the support pole and re-hang the bag. "What the hell are you staring at?" she demanded of her three assistants, who still stood rigidly in place – except for Mark, still huddled in the corner. "Get this place cleaned up!"

Slowly, reluctantly, they began to move. Mark pulled himself to his feet. Rahna went back to fixing the IV tubing, and Kaidan's blood roared in his ears. The burn of the injected sedatives was fading, and he knew it was only a matter of time before they muddled his senses enough to render him completely useless. But Rahna had been right. Biotic abilities had limits, even _with_ an amp. Without one, he had little hope of sustaining an attack for long enough to have any kind of real effect on his situation. His previous three attempts had already left him feeling dizzy and breathless; he wasn't sure how much more he could manage before the tranquilizers kicked in.

But he didn't see that he had much of a choice. Kaidan closed his eyes, trying to ignore the growing warmth in his limbs, the sounds of Rahna preparing to re-insert the virus-containing needle into his vein, the thought that even now the engineered organism might be coursing its way through his blood, aiming for his neurons. He swallowed hard, took a few deep, calming breaths, and concentrated.

A muffled roar sounded from somewhere far off, shattering Kaidan's focus and causing his eyes to fly open. The room shook; plumes of white dust wafted down from the ceiling. The lights flickered, then stabilized.

"What the hell was that?" Mark whispered into the sudden silence.

Now even Rahna looked worried. Her dark eyes flickered down to Kaidan, then back to her technicians. "Watch him," she ordered curtly, dropping the IV tubing and heading toward the door.

An eruption of new noises stopped her cold. Raised voices, shouting, screaming, and then… guns. The rapid fire of an assault rifle punched through the air, punctuated by the deafening bark of a hard-working shotgun.

Rahna backed slowly away from the door, her face ashen gray.

The red-lit control panel to her right flickered, then turned green. The double doors in front of her slid open to reveal a wall of armor-clad and helmeted soldiers, all bearing the blazing red stripe that marked them as N7s, their narrow visors exposing only hard, no-nonsense glares.

The one in the lead stood out from the others, wearing all black and bearing a raised shotgun still shimmering with heat. She took a long step forward into the room and the N7s behind her swiftly fanned out, completely blocking the exit. "Get back!" the leader barked at Rahna, waving the shotgun's muzzle. "All of you! Against the wall, hands on your head!"

Kaidan would have recognized that steely tone anywhere.

"Against the wall!" she ordered again, catching the collar of Rahna's lab coat and spinning her around, pushing her over to the wall where the three technicians already stood terrified but obedient. They nervously glanced over their shoulders every few seconds, eyeing the N7s and their many assault rifles.

"This is a private research facility!" Rahna cried, then gave a grunt as she was shoved forcefully against the wall. "You have no jurisdiction here!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," the woman in black sneered, her voice dripping venom, "maybe I forgot to introduce myself. Name's Shepard, Commander Shepard, and I'm a Spectre. You can bet your ass I _do _have jurisdiction here."

The commander gestured to the waiting N7s. They moved forward all at once, some going to restrain and handcuff Dr. Bachar and her associates, and some to check on the still unconscious patients throughout the room.

"Get them out of here," Shepard growled, shooting Rahna a cutting glare. "And bring in the medics."

"Yes, ma'am." One of the commandos spoke quickly into his helmet's comm.

The commander went immediately to Kaidan's side, the thin slit in her helmet framing her bright green eyes.

"Shepard," he murmured, fighting the growing fog in his mind.

"Kaidan," she breathed, deftly unbuckling the straps holding him to the bed. "Are you okay?"

He shook his head. "Virus," he slurred, then cursed the heaviness of his tongue. This was positively the worst time to give in to the sedatives. He tried very hard to articulate clearly. "Clotanca virus… cure for biotics…"

Shepard's brow furrowed. She helped him sit up and he swayed badly, gripping the mattress for balance. Something dripped from his nose and he lifted a hand to swipe at it; his fingers came away bloody. He stared at them in confusion.

"Jesus, Kaidan…."

"No amp," he managed, feeling disturbingly light. The room rocked and he felt Shepard's strong grip on his shoulders, but it did nothing to stop the spinning. He squeezed his eyes shut, his hands going to hold his head. He didn't remember any sedatives making him feel this way before.

"Kaidan?" The edge of urgency in Shepard's voice cut a path through his disorientation and he tried again.

"Virus," he repeated. "It… it kills… the mutant neurons…"

"Viegas!" Shepard suddenly shouted. "Download all the medical records you can find on their computers… no, just download everything. Everything, do you understand?"

A voice from across the room answered. "Yes, ma'am!"

"And somebody get Dr. Chakwas down here."

"We have medics –"

"I want Chakwas down here _now_!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Kaidan," Shepard said, her tone soft again, "stay with me… can you tell me what happened here?"

He tried to hang on to her voice, but it was like trying to come out of a deep and heavy sleep. He opened his eyes; saw nothing. His hand fumbled out, felt the cold, hard edges of her armor. Still he saw only blackness. Somewhere in his mind he knew it wasn't right, but the realization didn't cause the bloom of panic he thought it should.

"I… I can't see," he said flatly.

"What?"

"I…" The words wouldn't come. His body locked up suddenly, throwing him back to the mattress in a violent convulsion.

He heard Shepard yell his name, and then there was nothingness.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED....


	4. Insomnia

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. It was... a serious pain in the $$ to write. :P But here it is at last! Whew. Many thanks to **sinvraal** for her beta services on this chapter! Also, there's a very brief mention of something I originally read in **The Odd Little Turtle's** fic "Redundant" that somehow found it's way here.... (if you've read that lovely story, you'll know it when you see it, if not, I highly recommend you go start on it right now!) Last but not least, I must warn you that this kind of chapter is what happens when your real life job involves medical research. I apologize in advance....

* * *

**Part Four: Insomnia**

Kaidan swam slowly back to the surface of consciousness. He first became aware of his body reclining on a soft surface, and then the light against his closed eyelids, and the quiet thrumming of various machinery around him, and finally, a constant warm pressure wrapped around his right hand. He instinctively tried to close his fingers around it, but they were slow to obey, feeling stiff and heavy.

The pressure tightened suddenly, clutching at him, and he sensed a shifting movement beside him. "Kaidan?" a voice whispered gently. "Can you hear me?"

He swallowed in a dry throat, opened his mouth to answer. His tongue was as slow as his fingers; it took a great effort to speak. "Yeah," he croaked, and his own voice startled him. He sounded like death warmed over. He wanted to clear his throat, but didn't have the energy for it. Instead the lieutenant pried his eyelids open; they felt like ten-pound weights. The light was dim but still painful, and he had to blink a few times before he could focus.

"Oh, thank God," the voice breathed, squeezing his hand again. His eyes shifted to the side of the bed and saw Shepard there, staring at him with an expression that made his gut twist into knots.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

She exhaled explosively, the traces of a smile appearing at her lips as she shook her head and lifted his hand to kiss his fingers. "You scared the fucking shit out of me, that's what," she muttered.

He frowned.

"How are you feeling now?"

He let out a deep, slow sigh, closing his eyes. "Tired."

She kissed his hand again, gave it another squeeze, and then let it rest at his side. "You get some rest, then," she said softly. "I'll go let Dr. Chakwas know you're awake."

He heard the shift of clothing and then her quiet steps as she moved toward the door.

"Shepard," he said suddenly, thickly, forcing his eyes open again.

She stopped at the doorway, turning toward him with raised eyebrows.

"What… what happened?"

A momentary flicker of concern crossed her features, but it was swiftly replaced by a reassuring smile. "Just get some rest for now, Kaidan. We can talk about that later." She left the med-bay before he could say anything else, and the door hissed shut behind her.

* * *

Elizabeth Shepard leaned against one of the walls in the mess, her hands folded around a steaming cup of what passed for coffee on an interstellar ship, her eyes riveted on the med-bay door as she waited for Dr. Chakwas to re-emerge. She had tried her best not to obsess over Kaidan's condition, but to be perfectly honest, it was all she could think about lately.

He'd been in a coma for three weeks, and Chakwas had been unable to guarantee that he'd ever wake up. Elizabeth had spent most of those three weeks sitting by Kaidan's side, holding his hand, talking to him, trying anything to get some sign of life from him. After two weeks, the brass had started hinting that they wanted him moved to an Alliance hospital so she and her crew could get back to their assigned cruise route.

It was only the second time Elizabeth Shepard had freely exercised her power as a Spectre, and the first time during her long career she'd ever flat-out told her superiors no. Admiral Hackett had turned red in the face; even Captain Anderson had paled and shifted uncomfortably in his chair at her brazenness. She'd glared at them both straight in the face and told them none-too-politely that Kaidan's condition was their fault – specifically Admiral Hackett's – for sending the lieutenant into a situation they knew very well was dangerous.

"_He was in no way properly briefed for that mission!" Elizabeth snapped at them, jabbing her index finger hard into the mahogany briefing table. _

"_I made him aware of the risks," Hackett defended, bristling at her insubordination._

"_Bullshit!" _

_Both Hackett and Anderson blinked at her, she saw the Captain's mouth fall open. "You sent him in there as bait," she accused, charging ahead. "You were hoping AHAB would make a move to get him, you planned on it!"_

_Hackett stood from his chair, leaning forward on his fists. "We took all possible precautions against that possibility. We knew it was one likely outcome and we planned for it. And in case you've forgotten, Commander, the mission was a success. Alenko led us right to AHAB's main laboratory, we rescued the people who'd been kidnapped, _and_ we acquired most of Dr. Bachar's research notes on her virus… if Alenko hadn't agreed to go on this mission, she'd still be out there kidnapping and endangering biotics!"_

"_You had an N7 in there already," Shepard countered heatedly. "There was no good reason for you to send Alenko and I don't like people needlessly endangering my soldiers!"_

_Hackett straightened, lifting his graying eyebrows. "Excuse me, Commander, but Alenko is no longer your soldier."_

_Elizabeth glared at him, crossed her arms, watched as Anderson also quirked an eyebrow at her. She remembered in a flash that the Captain had been staring right at her when she and Kaidan had kissed in the Citadel Tower. She refused the abrupt stab of guilt, having already analyzed her reaction and determined that while certainly fueled by her emotions for the lieutenant, her anger was not a direct consequence of them. "Your contingency plan made a mess of things," she said coolly, evenly. "Your commando unit failed miserably – you called _me_, remember? You called me to come clean up _your_ mess – if it weren't for me and the influence I'd gained on Noveria you never would have found out which lab belonged to AHAB and your so-called "successful mission" would have been a colossal disaster!"_

"_Commander Shepard," Hackett began, his voice pitched low, "you may have been granted Spectre status, but you are still a member of the Systems Alliance military –"_

"_And you know I'm right about this," she interjected, her words clipped. "We don't yet have AHAB under control and Dr. Bachar's trial is scheduled for the near future. Alenko's staying with me on the _Normandy_ until he's cleared by Dr. Chakwas to return to active duty."_

_Silence. Shepard could almost see Admiral Hackett trying to decide if he wanted to agree with her or demote her._

"_And if he doesn't recover?" the man asked finally._

_Her eyes narrowed. "He will." She turned on her heel and strode for the exit._

"_We're not through yet, Commander," Hackett called after her, his husky voice edged in warning. "Get your ass back in here!"_

Her answer had been the door closing behind her.

Elizabeth sipped her coffee, frowning at the memory. Not her best moment, to be sure. Not the best decision for her career, either. Later, Captain Anderson had pulled her aside privately and bluntly asked if she was letting her personal life get in the way of her duties. She had honestly replied she would have responded the same had any of her old crew been thrown into such a situation. And she would have.

But it was also true that after the Battle of the Citadel and the political fallout that had followed, she was tired of the bureaucratic bullshit. She'd become the looked-to unofficial leader of the Citadel races, and as such had put forth her recommendation that Captain Anderson be considered for the human Council candidate, if it was decided in the end that there should be one. After that, Shepard had tried very hard to remove herself from the whole messy business.

It was difficult, but she'd finally done it. Finally gone back to the extremely important task of making sure no other Reapers could get through to the Citadel. And then had come the message from Admiral Hackett that Kaidan had been kidnapped by the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics, and they had lost his transmitter signal but suspected he'd been taken to Noveria, and they needed her to go find him.

Shepard's grip on her cup tightened. Only Joker had been privy to her outrage as she'd learned the details of Kaidan's mission-gone-wrong. She'd seen the pilot's shock and surprise, and later the half-hidden smirk. She knew what that look meant. So as soon as she'd regained her composure she'd entered the cockpit and leaned ominously over his chair.

"_You start any rumors, any stories, and I'll break your legs myself."_

_He stared at her for a second, realized she meant business, and swallowed visibly. "Um… aye, aye, Commander."_

The med-bay door slid open and Elizabeth abruptly came back from her thoughts, straightening so quickly she nearly spilled her coffee. She met Chakwas halfway, keeping her voice low so the surrounding crew wouldn't hear and start speculating.

"Well? What do you think?"

The older woman hesitated and Shepard's heart plunged into her stomach.

"It's still too early to say for certain," Chakwas began quietly. "But the good news is he's regained awareness." She gestured toward the mess and Shepard nodded; the two women moved to one of the empty tables and Elizabeth took a seat as Chakwas made herself a cup of tea.

"As far as I can determine, there's no permanent nerve damage," the doctor continued, settling into the chair across from the commander with her tea of choice. "Only time will tell. From what I understand of AHAB's medical notes, most virus recipients experience a partial temporary paralysis of varying degrees. The lieutenant's not in any shape to tell me if he has those symptoms at the moment, but considering the virus managed to infect several of the mutant nodes in his nervous system, I would imagine he's at least feeling some numbness."

Elizabeth glared into her coffee, swallowed hard, feeling a little light-headed as the next question left her lips. "What about… his biotic ability? Will it be affected?"

Not that she thought Kaidan any less of a soldier without his biotics, but it was crucial to his placement within the Fleet, to his normal duty-assignment. Her stomach wrenched at the thought of how his life would have to be rearranged if that ability had been taken from him. She tried to imagine how she'd deal if something similar happened to her, but couldn't even fathom the emotional turmoil she'd have to wade through before she could even begin to think rationally about where to go next.

"Yes," Chakwas answered heavily, her voice ringing with a certainty Elizabeth found suddenly irritating. "There's no question the virus will have had some kind of effect on his abilities, though how much of one is nearly impossible to estimate. However, since his dose of the virus was relatively small compared to the other patients, and since AHAB was… kind enough… to provide the recipe for the anti-virus, he shouldn't lose his biotics entirely. His body should be able to compensate with the healthy neurons it has left… essentially, it will 'rewire' itself.

"I imagine he will have to go through some re-training, though. The recovery process won't be pleasant, but as long as there's no permanent neurological damage, he _can_ recover. He's very lucky."

"And the other patients?"

Chakwas shrugged. "I only know what I've read in AHAB's research files. The people you rescued, it appears, will all live, though they will no longer be able to use their biotics. In that sense, Dr. Bachar's virus did its job. However, there is mention in the notes about some of the previous test subjects." The doctor's usually gentle tone hardened.

"The original trials were not so successful as the last… the first six people Dr. Bachar injected developed severe convulsions, paralysis, and then died." The woman set her cup of tea down carefully. "The second set of six was a slight improvement; five lived, though all had permanent paralysis in a limb or two, while the sixth had an undiscovered immune deficiency and died as a result of the virus infection. And the third set was the one you rescued."

She picked up her tea again, sipped thoughtfully.

Shepard just turned her cup around in aimless circles, thinking how the dark liquid within reminded her of Kaidan's eyes. She drew a deep breath, released it quietly. "Was there mention of any other… test subjects… falling into a coma after the injection?" She'd tried to read the medical reports herself, but the technical jargon made her eyes cross. In the end she'd left it up to the medical experts and decided to just glean the information she wanted from them.

The doctor frowned, shaking her head. "No. Lieutenant Alenko's case seems to be unique in that regard. But he was suffering from severe hypoglycemia by the time I got to him – severe enough to have caused the seizures and unconsciousness by itself. Add to that the suppressing effects of the sedatives he'd been given and the challenge to his immune system from the virus, and I'm not surprised his body responded with a coma."

Elizabeth nodded slowly, chewing her lip. A flutter of the rage she'd felt when she'd burst into that laboratory swelled up again, but she quickly squashed it back into its mental compartment. Watching the recorded video from Rahna's lab made her blood boil… how the woman had acted toward her patients – so single-minded, so resolute. How she'd convinced a few of them she was their savior, and for others ignored their screams and pleas. How she'd recorded the deaths so robotically, still disappointed, but for all the wrong reasons. How she'd treated Kaidan while he was strapped to that hospital bed, what she'd said to him…

"I've never seen anything like that," Dr. Chakwas suddenly murmured, and Shepard looked up to the woman in question.

"That kind of biotic use without an amp," the woman elaborated. "Never in my life, and I've been working with biotics for a long time now."

Elizabeth made a noise of agreement. She leaned back in her chair, taking a large swallow of her coffee and wishing its warmth could wash away the constant chill that seemed to cling to her insides these days. "He told me once that I spiked higher than him," she said quietly, smiling at the memory.

Dr. Chakwas raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, I told him he was full of shit."

The older woman chuckled, shaking her head. "Well… you _do_ spike high for an L3, you know."

"Maybe. But I've seen what he can do when he's backed into a corner. And there's no way I spike higher than him, even at my best."

"Alenko's put a lot of hours into his Sentinel badge…"

Elizabeth reached up to rub the back of her neck, her fingers brushing the edge of her amp and lingering there. "We had to do some amp-less training in the Ns," she admitted. "I was never the best at it. From the looks of that tape, Alenko would have been at the top of the class."

Dr. Chakwas pursed her lips. "That's a very dangerous thing for a biotic to do," she commented seriously, trying not to scold but only partially succeeding. "The lieutenant's abnormally low blood sugar was caused by aggressive use of biotics without his amp. It could have killed him."

Shepard lifted her hands in surrender. "Relax, doc. I'm not going to go lock myself in my quarters and practice amp-less until I black out any time soon."

The doctor gave her a stern look. Then, apparently deciding she was satisfied with Shepard's answer, shrugged. "Hrm. Good." She resumed sipping her tea.

They sat for a moment in silence.

"What a cheery bunch this is," a low voice drawled, and Shepard looked over to see Joker round the bulkhead into the mess, complete with crutches and leg braces. "What happened? Someone program the meal dispenser to shit out nothing but turnips again?"

Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow at the pilot. He waited a second, but when neither woman replied, his face suddenly paled beneath his beard.

"Oh God, Alenko didn't -"

"No," Chakwas and Shepard answered together, both unwilling to hear the word said aloud.

"He came out of the coma this evening, actually," the doctor said, standing from the table with tea in hand. "And his vitals are good. He'll live."

Joker exhaled loudly. "Gee, thanks for telling me. Can I go see him?"

Chakwas shook her head. "He's sleeping again. I'd prefer he not have any visitors for a few more days."

The pilot grumbled sourly.

"And I'd better get back to check on him." Dr. Chakwas looked down to Shepard. "I'll keep you informed of his progress, Commander."

Elizabeth nodded. "Thanks, doc."

The elder woman tipped her head in acknowledgment of Joker, then slipped past him and disappeared into the med-bay.

The man watched her go, ambling over to fix himself a plate of food. He perused the day's choices, then looked over his shoulder at Shepard. "The dispenser _is_ fine, right?"

She smiled. "Yes. Everything's operating as normal."

"Ah, great. Cardboard in the shape of steak, cardboard in the shape of potatoes, cardboard in the shape of beans…"

Elizabeth watched the pilot dish up as she worked on finishing her swiftly cooling coffee. Anything to keep her from pacing a hole in the floor, to keep her from spending another night on a med-bay stool…

"You know, I have it on good authority that _you _were the one who filled the dispenser with turnips, Moreau," she commented idly.

He scoffed, not missing a beat. "_Please._ I have no idea how this damn thing works. Something like that would be more down Alenko's aisle, don't you think?" He gave her a lopsided grin as he awkwardly maneuvered over to her table with his tray and took Dr. Chakwas' emptied seat.

"Yes," Shepard mused. "Except he _hates_ turnips."

"Really?" Joker could feign innocence like nobody's business. "What a coincidence."

Elizabeth eyed the pilot skeptically, but he ignored her, pulling his tray close and beginning to shovel food into his mouth.

"Little late for coffee, isn't it?" he asked around what she presumed were supposed to be mashed potatoes.

Shepard glanced balefully to her now-empty cup. "Maybe," she admitted.

"No sleep for the Commander again, eh?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. The man was too observant for his own good. "It's also a little late for dinner," she remarked. "What's _your_ excuse?"

Joker stopped chewing for a second to think. "I don't know," he said finally. "I keep having nightmares about that damn virus. You're sure it's not contagious? I mean, I'm already crippled enough, I don't need the rest of my body to quit working, too."

"It's not contagious," Elizabeth reassured him. "At least, not to non-biotics. It's not _supposed_ to spread even among biotics, but we're not taking any chances. The _Normandy_'s d-con has been updated with a special program to recognize the specifically engineered virus if it shows up on the ship."

"That's good to know." Joker took a few more large bites, chewed, swallowed, and then shook his head. "I still don't get it. How does someone make a virus that kills only a person's biotic skill?"

Shepard granted him a weary smile. Dr. Chakwas had explained it to her three times before she thought she really understood it, but it still made her head hurt if she dwelt on it too much. "Antisense oligonucleotides," she said, for dramatic effect.

Joker stopped eating again, squinting at her. "Come on, Commander. Seriously? I'm a _pilot_, not a scientist."

Elizabeth's smile widened and she stood from her chair to refill her coffee. It was nice to get the drop on Joker every now and then.

"Ask Dr. Chakwas if you want a real explanation," she said, speaking as she walked to the beverage dispenser. "But in a nutshell… Bachar found out which specific gene controls the formation of the mutant nodes in a biotic's nervous system. Then she synthesized an antisense oligonucleotide for that gene and engineered the Clotanca virus to carry it. The virus already naturally targeted the central nervous system, so it carried Bachar's synthesized oligo right to the neurons when it latched on to them for use as its host cell."

Joker was listening intently, his eyes looking a little glazed over. "Okay… so these anti-oligo-whatsits do… what now?"

Shepard turned to face him, leaning back against the edge of the meal counter. "They enter the nerve cells and prevent the mutant gene from undergoing protein translation, which is essential to a cell's survival. But the normal genes are unaffected. So the mutant nodes are destroyed, but the rest of the nerve cell is left alone. Of course, if all of a biotic's nodes were mutated, the virus would still kill them. Luckily, the normal nodes that are left are usually still enough for a person to function without permanent paralysis."

Joker's eyes were wide. "Jesus," he breathed.

Elizabeth nodded somberly. "The virus still infects the whole central nervous system, but since its genetic payload has been replaced by the antisense oligos, it can't replicate itself. Once the initial wave dies off, the person has no more symptoms. They just… can't use biotics anymore."

The pilot leaned back in his chair, looking sullen, and pushed his tray away. "Well, that is _not_ going to help me sleep," he muttered.

Shepard lifted her freshly filled mug. "Coffee?"

His dark eyes looked to her cup, considering. "Yeah," he said at last. "Yeah, I think I will."

The commander turned back to the liquid dispenser and quickly fixed the pilot his own mug of black, bitter, highly caffeinated beverage. It made a satisfying thunk as she set it down in front of him.

"So," the man spoke up as she once again resumed her seat, "what's this about Alenko hating turnips?"

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *


	5. Possibilities

* * *

**Part Five: Possibilities**

Five weeks later Kaidan sat on a crate of medical supplies in the storage room of _Normandy_'s med-bay. He was no longer bed-ridden and been granted full access to the ship, but he preferred to do his practicing in a place hidden away from the curious stares of the crew. He didn't want them watching him, pitying him, wondering what had really happened to him at the hands of the crazy Dr. Rahna Bachar.

The lieutenant's concentration wavered and the package of medi-gel thumped back to the floor. Kaidan looked at it morosely for a moment, then exhaled a long breath and put his head in his hands, massaging his temples. The now all-too-familiar panic crept up his throat again, but he swallowed it back resolutely.

_You can do this. Dr. Chakwas said it was possible…_

But it was like starting from the beginning. He had an amp again, albeit a much weaker one than the Savant X he'd gotten used to. Still, it should have been enough to allow him to perform the basic biotic abilities of lift and throw. And he should have been able to lift an entire _crate_ of supplies. Instead, Kaidan was having difficulty manipulating the mass of a single dose of medi-gel. The mnemonic forms came easily, as did the memory of how to perform a biotic act, but his body responded differently than it had before.

Kaidan practiced as often as he could manage without prompting Dr. Chakwas to take away his amp again, but had made little improvement. It was times like this he felt as if he'd never regain his previous biotic strength. Never regain the focus and control he'd worked a lifetime to accomplish. Then the squeezing panic would come, and he'd have to stop and remind himself over and over again that Dr. Chakwas had insisted he would eventually recover at least eighty percent of his ability.

It was frustrating. Depressing. Frightening. It was like being on Jump Zero again, only without the screaming drill instructor or violent turian to encourage his progress. Regardless, he didn't like the feeling. Didn't like it at all. It made him think of Rahna; more than he already thought of her every time he attempted to use his severely weakened biotics. And thinking of her led him right back to his recent stagnation in recovering his ability, which then brought him back to the teetering edge of panic.

A maddening, inescapable circle he seemed doomed to repeat on a daily basis.

The lieutenant growled unhappily, clamping down on his wildly running thoughts. He looked at the medi-gel package, resting so innocently on the floor in front of him, and forced himself to think of nothing except moving it.

He saw the blue-black corona flare up around his body from the corner of his eye, executed the well-known gesture to lift, and felt the medi-gel's mass neutralize. The package floated slowly from the floor, drifting lazily toward the ceiling. He knew suspending such a small object shouldn't take so much effort, but at least it had come off the floor a little faster that time…

The room's door hissed open and Kaidan yelped, dropping the medi-gel as he jumped to his feet.

Shepard drew up short in the doorway and grimaced. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said quickly, "I should have knocked."

Kaidan shook his head, drawing in a deep, quiet breath to stabilize his racing heart. Already he felt the burn crawling up his neck; embarrassment at showing how jumpy – how insecure – he felt these days. "It's all right," he said, bending to retrieve the gel pack and tossing it back into the open crate it'd originally come from. "I just… wasn't expecting company."

Shepard smiled a little, stepping over the threshold and making sure the door shut behind her. "Yeah. You know… Joker's starting to complain about how much he has to walk around to find you now that you're out of the med-bay."

Kaidan shrugged, crossing his arms. "He could always use the PA system."

"Sometimes people like to talk face to face."

The lieutenant grunted, unable to make himself care at the moment.

Shepard frowned at him. "You okay?" Her voice dropped to the soft, concerned tone she adopted when she ceased to be his superior officer and became only his significant other. She looked at him with her vivid green eyes, her dark brows a worried line across her forehead.

He wanted nothing more than to say yes. To draw her close and breathe in her smell and tell her everything was fine because they were both together on the _Normandy_ again, however temporarily. She had plenty on her plate as it was, and his problems were infinitesimal in the grand galactic scheme of things.

So he forced a weak smile. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah, I'm okay."

She looked at him silently for a long moment, until he tore his eyes away from her hypnotizing stare and cleared his throat. He paced to the other side of the room, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Kaidan," she said gently, patiently. "Talk to me."

"It's fine, Shepard," he insisted. "Nothing to worry about."

She crossed the room to him quickly, grabbing his elbow with some force and turning him around to face her. "It's _Elizabeth_," she reminded him firmly. "You're still officially on medical leave, remember? Your CO is still officially Captain Jackson. And _I_ am still officially guarding you from AHAB retaliation until Dr. Bachar's trial is over with."

She paused, pursing her lips. "You've been hiding back here for weeks – and don't think I haven't noticed you've hardly been sleeping. Please, Kaidan. If something's wrong… I need to know."

Guilt lanced through Kaidan's gut as a raw, fleeting fear passed across her face. He had never once considered the impact of his recent behavior on Shepard. But as a fellow biotic and his lover, she had just as much at stake here as he did. She deserved an explanation.

"I'm sorry," he offered quietly, "it's just…" he shook his head, exhaling slowly. "Everything's different now."

Shepard watched him; swallowed visibly. "What exactly do you mean?"

"My biotics," he said flatly. "Watch…" He stepped toward the nearest box of supplies and attempted to lift it. The distortion flew from his hand and wrapped around the crate, but flickered and died before the object so much as shifted.

"See?" he demanded, throwing up his arms. "It _feels_ different, acts different… I can't control it anymore, at least not like I used to…"

"Well, it's a different amp –"

"I know what a new amp feels like," he snapped, his frustration flaring as he whirled on her. Shepard knew him better than anyone – did she really think he'd be this upset over something as insignificant as adjusting to a new amp? He glared at her. "This is nothing like that! This is like… this is like I'm ten fucking years old again! Like the last twenty-two years of my life have been wiped out and here I am stuck with this freakish talent that serves no other purpose than to perform cheap parlor tricks and scare people!"

Shepard stared at him with her mouth open. But he couldn't hold it back any longer; they'd been together for over six months now, maybe it was time he finally confessed to the deep-seated, constant fear he'd been carrying around ever since he could remember. The thing he was most afraid of; the thing that had shaped his entire life.

He turned away from her, pacing a furious line across the narrow storage room. "I never… I never wanted to hurt anyone, Shepard," he admitted hoarsely. "Even Vyrnnus was an accident. And do you know what that felt like? To think I killed a grown turian – a war veteran – in an instant – with my _mind_? It happened so fast, I didn't even think about it. He just flew off me and… broke." Kaidan stopped pacing and faced her abruptly. "That _terrified_ me, Shepard. What if I did that to one of my family? To an innocent bystander? To someone just passing me on the street?"

He shook his head, running his hands through his hair as he resumed his restless movements. "I worked so hard to make sure that would never happen. I thought I was stuck with this… _thing_… this ability, so I made the best of it. I perfected it. I got comfortable with it, used to it. I… I started to feel that I was safe, that I was safe to be around…"

He sank down onto the nearest storage crate, head in his hands. "And now… it's all gone. It's all different. Everything I thought I'd once put behind me is back again."

His words fell away into heavy silence, and for a second Kaidan feared Shepard didn't understand at all. He heard the approaching tread of her boots, and then she sat down on the crate next to him, reaching over to peel one hand away from his face and grip it in hers. He glanced over to her, saw her regarding him with an open, serious expression.

"Kaidan," she said softly, "if there is one thing I have always been certain of, even since the first day I met you, it's that I could trust you. I knew I could trust you to do your job, to do what was right, to keep me in check. And sometimes, when I needed it, to keep me sane." She squeezed his hand, and he noticed with a shock the gleam of tears in her eyes. "I have never once worried that you might lose control, or lash out irrationally with your biotics," she whispered, "despite what anyone else has always told me about L2s. Of all the human biotics I've ever known, _you_ impressed me the most – on both a professional and personal level."

Kaidan dropped his eyes to the floor, clenching his jaw against the wave of bitter self-deprecation that shoved up his throat. He could hardly stand to hear her talk about it – hated to think he might never get that back, hated to think Rahna could have taken that away from him so easily, when it had taken so much effort and practice to achieve.

"But Kaidan," Shepard continued, her voice still a husky whisper, "…your skill with biotics isn't determined by your mutant nodes, how they operate, or how many you have. There are plenty of human biotics who spike higher than you, who have a greater number of mutant nodes, and yet they aren't anywhere near your level of skill." She leaned toward him conspiratorially. "The _person_ makes the biotic, Kaidan. Not the other way around. You could do what you did because of _who you are_. You said it yourself: you didn't want to hurt anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. Your accuracy resulted from that desire. And that desire hasn't changed because of this incident… using your biotics may _feel _different, but once you learn how to use them again, the outward result of them will be the same.

"I still trust you, Kaidan." Her voice rang with clear conviction. "Everyone does. No one here ever believed you were dangerous before, and they certainly don't think any differently now."

The lieutenant stared at their intertwined hands, part of him reluctantly beginning to unknot at Shepard's logic. He remembered how she used her own biotics in combat; not nearly so refined and careful as he. In fact, her biotics reminded him a lot of the krogan style: charge and bully, up close and personal; widespread, sweeping attacks meant to clear the room of any and all hostiles as quickly as possible. She was hard-hitting and efficient, but sometimes her lack of discrimination when civilians were near made him nervous.

_The person makes the biotic…_

She had told him once, not too long ago, all the gory details of the raid on Mindoir. Had confessed that it'd been the burning wish for revenge that had first prompted her to join the Alliance Navy, pursue her biotic talent, and eventually join special ops. Her entry into the service was almost a polar opposite from his. The young Elizabeth Shepard had _wanted_ to hurt people. _Wanted _to hurt the bad guys. She had no reason to spend years painstakingly learning to pinpoint small targets from great distances…

"You were in a coma for three weeks," Shepard spoke into the quiet, and her voice cracked. He looked up sharply to see a lone tear slip over her lashes; the first and only one he'd seen since their conversation about his reassignment just after the defeat of Sovereign. Something inside him seemed to release, and Kaidan reached over to pull her into his chest.

He rarely saw Elizabeth fully shed her soldier-shell, even when they were alone together on shore leave. It was sometimes easy to forget she needed someone to lean on just as badly as he did, especially in times like these.

In a very un-commander-like fashion, she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around him. "Between what you did in that laboratory without your amp, the virus, and the sedatives, you almost _died_," she murmured into his shoulder. "I thought I had lost you, Kaidan, and I just couldn't stand it. And I was afraid that if you did wake up… I was afraid you'd be different, or wouldn't remember - wouldn't remember who I was… who any of us were…"

She straightened, taking his face in both her hands and looking him directly in the eye. "But you're not different. Do you understand? You're not any different than you were before, Kaidan, biotics or no biotics. It doesn't matter to me, or to anyone who knows you, and it's killing me to see you hide back here like you're ashamed."

Kaidan studied her pleading gaze, then looked away and swallowed hard. "I know…" He reached up and took her hands in his, pulling them away from his face. "But it's been a long time since I've had to practice my biotics," he admitted sullenly. "I forgot what it was like. It's been over a month and I'm still not getting any better. It's just… very frustrating."

"I know," Shepard offered. "And I understand. But what happened to you… you can't expect your body to recover from something so traumatic so quickly."

Kaidan said nothing. As little as the statement did to lessen the impatience and helplessness roiling inside his chest, it was the truth. Even Dr. Chakwas had openly expressed her surprise at his progress thus far. She had been reluctant at first to allow him any kind of amp, but eventually relented when she could no longer stand to watch him wander aimlessly around the ship. The good doctor did not, however, know how often he'd been practicing, and he preferred to keep it that way.

"Do you still have numbness in your arms?"

Shepard's question pulled him from his thoughts. He shook his head. "Just a sort of tingle. I hardly notice it anymore."

She offered a small, encouraging smile. "See? You _are_ improving. Neurological injuries require extensive recovery times… but you're already doing better faster than anyone expected. It's a good sign, Kaidan. You just have to be patient."

"I don't have _time_," he muttered, moving to stand again so that Shepard slid off his lap. "The Reapers and the geth are still out there; who knows what they've been planning since the destruction of Saren and Sovereign. The Citadel races are a mess right now with the repair of the Citadel and the formation of a new Council; half the time I worry we're on the brink of a full out civil war on top of everything else. And let's not forget what we've learned of Cerberus so far, and now there's AHAB to contend with…"

He threw up his hands in exasperation. "I can't just sit back and _watch_ during all this, Shepard! I need to do _something_. I can't stand this feeling of… of uselessness." He looked down to his hands as a biotic corona shimmered around his body and then flickered away again.

He grunted in disgust and spun away from her, inclined to leave the room but knowing there was really nowhere else for him to go. A ship had never felt so trapping and claustrophobic.

Shepard cleared her throat, standing from the medical crate and straightening the shirt of her uniform. "You're right," she said quietly. "Dr. Chakwas released you for ship-board duties last week. But I may have… gotten a little carried away in my worry for your health." Kaidan turned back to face her, honestly surprised by her confession given how careful she'd always been about not showing favoritism. She straightened her shoulders, looking him in the face. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. It's my fault. I should have let you take your old post two weeks ago. I just… wanted to be sure you were really okay first, I guess."

She gave him another smile, a full one that lit up her face. "I'll have Dr. Chakwas issue you a profile. Viegas could use some help decrypting the rest of the files we lifted from Dr. Bachar's computer, too."

Kaidan exhaled a long breath through his teeth, nodding. "Thank you."

Elizabeth walked to stand in front of him, giving him a look that blazed with dead-set certainty. "You'll be fine, Kaidan. Keep practicing. Give it time. And remember you can always talk to me, about anything. I'm always here for you."

He held her gaze for a moment, the turmoil inside him finally beginning to quiet. He gave her another nod, and she leaned up to kiss his cheek before turning away and moving for the door.

"Elizabeth," he called suddenly, stopping her in her tracks. "Do you think Rahna's right about the brain lesions?"

Even the mention of them made the skin around his jack burn, as if the device itself somehow channeled the madness straight into his brain. He instinctively raised a hand to check it, but everything felt normal. Just as it had since the day he'd first gotten it twenty years ago.

Shepard sighed, her shoulders dropping. She walked slowly back to a medical crate and resumed her seat. She looked at once exhausted, and Kaidan regretted asking. He opened his mouth to apologize, to tell her it didn't really matter anyway because it was probably too late for either of them regardless, but she spoke before he could.

"I don't know," she said heavily. She stared at the toes of her boots, her brow furrowed. "It's a disturbing possibility… but none of AHAB's research we've read so far deals with that claim, or shows any proof of it." Her eyes lifted, her fingers reaching back to slide under her hair in an echo of Kaidan's previous motion. "It's something you and Viegas will have to keep an eye out for as you finish decoding Rahna's files. In the meantime, the Alliance has begun building their own team of scientists to re-test the effects of all known biotic amps on humans." She lifted her dark eyebrows. "The public's view of biotics in general is shaky enough as it is. The brass doesn't want anything else negative to get out there. They're going to be sure all of Dr. Bachar's claims are proven true or false… I heard they were even going to green-light further development of the virus to be used as a treatment for biotics who _do_ become unstable."

The news sent a flutter of unease through Kaidan's gut and he chewed his lip, remembering clearly what Rahna had said about biotics being too useful to the Alliance for them to want any regrettable side effects of amp-usage to be become public. And here it sounded as if the brass would do exactly that in this situation – find out the truth in secret, leak only what they desired to be known to the outside world, and silence anyone who then might disrupt that established image.

"And if it turns out she was right?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper, his skin prickling at the thought. "Would they even tell us?"

He searched her upturned face as she looked back at him, feeling his heartbeat throb in his throat. Shepard was an N7, a Spectre. She knew far more about the shadowy innards of Alliance politics and secret operations than he did, and he didn't like the set of her jaw.

"I don't know," she finally answered again, and Kaidan swallowed hard.

Shepard licked her lips, dropping her gaze back to the floor as her fingers laced together. The lieutenant unconsciously braced himself, having seen her adopt such a posture before in briefings; always when she was about to deliver unpleasant news.

"Kaidan, I did some digging on Rahna as soon as I learned the details of your kidnapping. Digging that Admiral Hackett _should_ have done himself before he sent you in there." Her eyes flashed, then softened again. "But I think you should know… when Rahna returned home from BAaT, her parents disowned her."

"What!" He took a step back. "Why?"

"Because of what the amp made her capable of doing." Shepard shook her head wearily. "I'm sure you already knew her parents were people of influence in their community. The local paper made a huge deal over her return and newfound talent; her parents became uncomfortable and afraid and publicly denounced her, calling her ability an 'unfortunate accident that could not be prevented', but promised they would keep her from causing any harm."

"That's… that's ridiculous," Kaidan stammered, shock and disbelief coursing over him in waves. "The Rahna who left Brain Camp wouldn't have hurt _anyone_… she never even wanted to _try_…"

Shepard nodded in understanding. "I believe you. But her parents didn't think that way. They tried to have her committed to a mental health facility."

The lieutenant's mouth dropped open. His mind raced back to his own homecoming from Jump Zero, and he knew without doubt that had his parents reacted in such a way, he wouldn't be around to have this conversation.

"They failed to have her admitted," Shepard continued, shrugging, "– obviously she didn't meet the requirements, she wasn't insane. But after that she ran away from home." The commander exhaled a slow, even breath. "About a year later we found a record of her on Terra Nova. She'd been admitted to a local hospital in critical condition because she'd tried to cut out her own amp-jack."

Kaidan grimaced, his fingers automatically going to the back of his head again.

"She managed to recover and later resumed her schooling, eventually obtaining her PhD in Molecular Biology. We assume it must have been around that time she joined the Alliance of Humans Against Biotics. The actual expert surgery that removed her jack successfully was off the record. If you had known all of this going into that meeting… I think things would have turned out a lot differently."

The lieutenant ran his hands through his hair, his brain still trying to comprehend. Rahna used to be such a nice, smart, gentle girl… she didn't deserve to suffer such hardships. Didn't deserve to be wrapped up in the dark and twisted deeds of AHAB. "I wouldn't have left the restaurant with her, that's for sure," he muttered absently.

"Rahna's experiences have made her deeply biased against human biotics," Shepard said quietly. "She obviously has some serious emotional and psychological issues. Everything she claims to be true has to be taken in context."

"And yet the Systems Alliance military is equally as biased _for_ human biotics," Kaidan put in sourly.

"Yes," Shepard admitted. "They are. The truth is always hard to find in these kinds of situations. It will be up to those of us stuck in the middle to weed it out. And I plan to take full advantage of my Spectre status if needed to get that accomplished. But in the meantime, we can't allow either side to get to us. We have to focus on our jobs. And _you_ have to focus on getting better. Understand?"

Kaidan stood for a moment in silence, torn. He didn't like not having answers. Didn't like the thought that with each passing day his chances of going mad possibly increased. "_Your perfect little world is doomed. One day even you will slip off the edge, and everyone around you will be the ones to pay the price."_

He swallowed hard; nodded solemnly despite the fact a little voice in his head told him his sleepless nights were far from over. But Shepard was, as usual, right. They didn't know enough at the moment to make an informed decision, and without the facts it was useless to demand action. There were enough other, more immediate things that needed their attention, anyway.

Like the geth. The Reapers. The formation of a new Council. The batarian pirates. Cerberus. And the rest of Rahna's encrypted files… which just might, if they were lucky enough, give them the answers they sought before the whole 'human biotic' debate started up again.

There was nothing else to do except what Shepard suggested. His job. Recovering his biotic skills. Decrypting files. Getting back to the _Tokyo_ where he belonged.

"We took on a giant sentient machine, a brain-washed Spectre, and an army of AIs," Shepard spoke out suddenly into the silence. "We can get through this, Kaidan… no matter what they find out."

He nodded again, more resolutely. "Yeah…"

"Bridge to Commander Shepard." Joker's voice sliced through the room as effectively as it had the last time the pilot had interrupted their conversation – that embarrassing moment by the lockers Kaidan would likely never forget. The lieutenant rolled his eyes, reflexively moving away from the commander to further examine the contents of a nearby box.

"Go ahead, Joker."

"We're doing our scheduled patrol of Terra Novan space and uh… well, our readings show X57 is accelerating toward the planet."

A jolt of adrenaline brought Kaidan's head around in time to see the flicker of concern on Shepard's face. "You mean the asteroid meant as the new orbital port facility?" she asked.

"Yeah, that one. It's definitely not where it's supposed to be. Its current trajectory will take it straight into the planet -"

"Have you tried hailing the resident engineering team?"

"There's no answer, Commander."

"Shit," Shepard spat. She boosted herself standing and headed toward the storage room's exit, Kaidan close on her heels. "Joker, take us in as close as you can – we're gonna take a look."

"How 'bout I get you close enough for a Mako drop?"

"Perfect, as usual."

"I know." The PA system clicked as Joker hung up and Kaidan felt the brief surge of vertigo that often marked the pilot's abrupt way of changing course. Strangely, he kind of missed the sensation – the _Tokyo_ couldn't have turned that fast if her life depended on it.

Shepard stopped dead just before the door and Kaidan nearly ran straight into her. She spun to face him suddenly and he took a step back, his heart wedging into his throat. But her expression wasn't contorted with some horrible realization like he had feared. Instead, her green gaze swiftly sized him up, then locked on his face.

"Suit up and meet me in the garage in five," she ordered.

Kaidan's mouth fell open as a frigid, gripping panic bloomed in his chest.

Shepard turned to leave again, but before she could take another step Kaidan's hand shot out and caught her sleeve. "Wait," he blurted, pulling her back around toward him. "Shepard, I – I can't," he stammered, barely able to force the words past the horror in his throat. "I – my biotics… I can't even lift a damn crate!"

She blinked, regarding him calmly. "Who said anything about your biotics? I need you for tactical and medical support." Her hand reached out, touched his arm. "I have complete faith in you, Kaidan," she said softly, seriously. "If I didn't know you could handle it, I wouldn't put you on my ground team."

He looked into her unwavering stare and felt an inkling of confidence return. Shepard's eyes didn't lie. The terrified part of him still insisted it was unfair of her to put him on the team, given he'd had no experience in a combat situation without the use of his biotics. But the other part of him remembered what she'd said about knowing she could trust him. A surge of determination welled up suddenly. He wasn't going to let Rahna and AHAB take away his life. Shepard believed in him, trusted him, with or without biotics. He knew his job, and could still do it well enough.

He wasn't about to disappoint Elizabeth.

Kaidan nodded, trying to swallow in a dry mouth. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay, I'll go."

Shepard gave him a brilliant smile. "See you in five, Lieutenant." She turned on her heel and left the room.

He stood there, feeling wooden, as the closing door shut out his view of her. He looked down to his hands, then spontaneously enacted the mnemonic form to create a biotic barrier. The bluish aura sprang up around his body, shimmering and boiling over his skin. It stabilized and held well enough while he concentrated on it, though was too weak to repel much of anything heavier than a paper wad. He'd definitely have to make sure to install another shield upgrade in his hardsuit…

Kaidan sighed, letting the barrier fade away into nothingness. No use standing there and worrying; Shepard wasn't going to change her mind. And he wasn't going to let her down. This mission would be the test - for him, for Shepard, for the path his future would take. Today was the first day of living the rest of his life with his changed biotics. And here was his chance to actively _do_ something again. Something big. Something that would help convince the brass he was still worth investing in… that would help convince himself.

_Might as well make the best of it, then…._

Kaidan squared his shoulders, set his jaw, and left the storage room to gather his gear.

* * *

**THE END.**

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter shouldn't have taken so long, but did thanks to RL craziness and stress, argh. That being said, a million trillion thanks must go to **sinvraal**, who saved the rest of my lovely readers from a truly terrible last chapter. I am soooo much happier with this new, improved version, no matter the number of hours I had to force myself to sit down and beat the good stuff out of my determined-to-nap muse. This was really the hardest fanfiction chapter I have ever had to write... I'm not sure exactly why, but I really hope it ended up being worth the wait! Thank you very much to all you awesome patient readers and reviewers out there! And yes, Kaidan _did_ lose some of his biotic ability, but he'll regain most of it eventually, enough of it that he won't even notice the part he's missing (and it shouldn't effect any future Kaidan-canon). Hey, if I made him turn out to be completely fine, it wouldn't have been as exciting, or worth all the agony he went through. Or at least that's how I see it. And lastly, I _do _plan on doing a teeny tiny Bring Down the Sky piece to follow this one, but no telling when it will actually get written or posted, since I REALLY want to seriously start work on original novels. THANKS again to all my readers, I really appreciate you!!!


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Mass Effect, Drama, Sci-Fi