Harry Potter Pervert

Pervert 

_by Z. E. Grockle_

Summery: A ficlet on James' fetishes, although, curiously, James doesn't appear in it.

Disclaimer: I only own Eve (and really, not even her, as she's based on a friend of mine), and the plot.

Rating: PG13

Pairings: Pre-LE/JP

/\/\/\/\

"I can't stand this anymore," Lily Evans told her redheaded friend Evie late one evening in the Gryffindor common room.

"Stand what?" Eve asked.

"Being Head Girl with James Potter as Head Boy!" Lily exclaimed.

"He driving you nuts?" Eve said sympathetically. She didn't personally think James was all that bad, but knew he had been a constant annoyance to her friend for years. "What's he done now?"

"Well, it's more what he hasn't done. He hasn't asked me out once! In fact, he's being nice, and saying he just wants to be friends," Lily said in complete exasperation. Eve looked at her in surprise.

"I thought that was a good thing?" she asked doubtfully.

"Well, it would be, normally, but he's actually started to mature! If he keeps this up, I'll have to start liking him!" Lily explained, sounding as though the mere thought was repulsive beyond words. Eve smiled a bit, and opened her mouth to tell her friend it couldn't possibly be that bad, but she was interrupted.

"Oh, heaven forbid!" Sirius Black said sarcastically. The girls hadn't seen him before, as he was sitting on the bottom of the staircase to the boys' dorm. Lily looked around sharply. As far as she was concerned, Sirius was the only boy in the school worse than James. Eve thought Sirius was fun and harmless; they had been friends since before Hogwarts.

Lily turned back to Eve, obviously deciding she wasn't even going to acknowledge the boy's presence. "James is a pervert, though. I can cling to that," she said with determination. Behind them, Sirius snorted, but Eve ignored him as well for the time being and concentrated on what her friend had said.

"James is a pervert?" she echoed. "How do you figure that?"

"I didn't have to figure, he came out and told me," Lily said. "Or as good as told me. He said it turns him on when I yell at him."

"Oh," Eve replied with a smirk, "yeah, that would count as perverted."

"Not really," Sirius said, coming over to stand behind the couch they were sitting on. "That's just good sense. You're hot when you yell," he told Lily casually. Lily glared at him, but he merely laughed. "Relax. Even if James hadn't called dibs years ago, you're not my type."

"You don't have a type," Eve objected immediately. She knew for a fact that Sirius 'got around' quite a bit.

"Sure I do," Sirius said. "It's called 'anything but Lily Evans.'"

"Oh, now, Siri, that's just hurtful," Eve said reproachfully.

"No, it's all right Evie," Lily said, "just as long as he steers clear of me."

"Yeah, but steering clear doesn't mean I can't enjoy the view as I go by," Sirius said. "And I've noticed, enjoying the view, that you're hot when you yell. More hot than normal, I mean."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "Don't you have somewhere to be?" she asked pointedly.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, I was going to head up to bed," Sirius told her.

"Could you?" Lily asked, sweetly sarcastic. She waited for him to get to the base of the stairs, then turned back to Eve. "Am I hot when I yell?" she asked doubtfully, seeking confirmation.

Eve thought about it for a moment. "Yeah," she answered, "really hot, actually. I kinda get turned on too!"

This caught Sirius' attention. He turned back. "Turned on enough for you two to maybe…" he trailed off, rocking a hand back and forth suggestively. Eve threw a pillow at him.

"In your dreams, Siri," she said, laughing a bit. Sirius caught the pillow and grinned at her.

"Oh, believe me, sugar, it will be," he said rakishly. "I'll have to tell James; he's the one with the redhead fetish," he added, then threw the pillow at Lily and finally went upstairs. Lily caught the missile just before impact, then the other shoe dropped.

"Wait- James has a redhead fetish too?" she asked, looking from Evie to the space Sirius had vanished through and back again.

/\/\/\/\

Because I know I'll get at least one confused review otherwise -something along the lines of "wait, what does a redhead fetish have to do with anything?"- I'll explain.

Sirius is going upstairs to fantasize and dream about Eve and Lily making out and doing other unmentionable-in-a-PG13-fic-acts. This relates to James' redhead fetish because both Lily and Eve are redheads (I mentioned Eve's hair color in the beginning, go back and look).

Ergo, Sirius will share this fantasy with his friend because he knows that James will likely want to dream about it too. And Lily cares about all of this because as far as she's concerned, it's proof positive of James' perverted ways, and because while she's not ready to admit she even likes him yet, she's a bit jealous that he might like Evie -the only other redhead in the year- as well as her. Incidentally:

Harry: So why didn't Dad pick Eve to bug for years?

Z.E.G.: Because she was nice to him. He also had a masochistic streak. And you appear to have picked up that redhead fetish!

Harry: thinks of Ron at first Eww! pause, while Harry gets an image of that other Weasley kid in his head, clad in nothing but her hair Oh, I see what you mean.


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance