Bleach 1. Successful Psychopaths

Subject No: 5041301-01

**Subject Report  
**  
_From Consultation:  
_  
Large compound, helpful subordinates to point the way, respectful, disciplined, organized. _(Most if not all seem to be afraid of some seemingly invisible yet powerful presence that is presently not yet located.)_ Spacious office, teak wooden flooring, plenty of sunlight, gentle breeze blowing through the wide windows. _(Area seems overly large for just one person.)_ Situation appears to be well under control. _(There does not seem to be anything going on at all.)_ Neat, organized, meticulously so, art is tasteful. _(Tastefully boring. Mountains, streams and rivers in ancient Chinese style was so last decade.)_ Perfect for the analysis.

Appears normal, sitting behind desk situated in the center of the room, sunlight just centimeters from the eyes. _(Such strategic location cannot possibly be pre-planned and is probably just mere coincidence.)_ Subordinate ordered to stand down, leaves the room. Subject seems domineering even without looking up from work. Subject seems unaffected when the chair is scraped against the floor a little harder than it should. Unaffected when not yet greeted. Unaffected by different form of dress.

Subject remains unaffected, still continuing on work, or what appears to be work, sheets of paper spread out in front of the desk, ink brush swishing gently over the paper. Calligraphy is an art, but time is running short. Perhaps a small reminder? Subject remains unaffected. Perhaps deaf? File does not indicate so. Perhaps not.

Archaic. Grinding of ink block has not been used in everyday work for centuries. Subject continues with the writing, appears to know exactly what is happening. Seems unaffected and oblivious of presence of other in the room. Appears to not have noticed change. Indicative of obsession and possible pre-occupation with work.

Subject does not respond when ridiculous acts are performed within the office. Subject does not look up even when questions are directed to him. Subject seems to be completely oblivious to presence of other. _(Subject just might be sleeping.)_

_From Colleague A:  
_  
Subject shows history of being obsessed with matters of morality. No view of moral grey zone whatsoever, even in life-threatening situation where opinion could possibly save lives. Rigid and immovable, stubborn to a fault although claimed to be of significant power and if claim be accurate, then thus rightfully so. Position of power makes this all the more important.

Only gave up the chase against disobeyers due to matter of greater and larger importance. Holds possibility of returning back to revisit the matter once above mentioned matter of greater and larger importance is resolved. Holds the power of doing so. Subject often attends to detail for the sake of attending to detail, often leaves out reason for being excessively meticulous. Holds such power that has not been questioned.

_From Colleague B:  
_  
Subject shows intense dedication to work matter, taking all things work-related seriously. Subject takes all things to be work-related and shows no signs of a social life whatsoever. Appears to have little interactions with members of other generations. _Note: There appear to be no other members of the subject's generation._ Little interactions with anyone outside of work.

Subject has not been seen out of work compound for years except for work-related requirements. Is not known to be anything else other than driven by work and for work, supposedly for the good of the community. No evidence has been seen that there has been such a contribution larger and more profound that that of other colleagues.

**Diagnosis:**

Subject is suffering from obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, symptoms of which include preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost, excessive devotion to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity), being overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values, and the showing of rigidity and stubbornness.

Instant restorative and rehabilitative measures are recommended. Please contact analyst for further details.

* * *

"Did you hear?" Kira brought a cup over to where Renji was sitting at the bar. It was still early, and they were still waiting on Ikkaku, Yumi and the whole gang to arrive. Iba was not there yet and neither was Matsumoto, so it was really a surprise that Renji, the latecomer, was actually early this time.

"Yeah." A smirk came to Renji's face, though he immediately buried half of said face in his cup, thus nullifying all possible responses.

"They say that one of the Gotei 13 Captains is nuts." Kira dragged a chair and sat down, ignoring the barkeep's annoyed look at the chair legs scraping at the floor.

"Yeah, they brought in one of those specialists… Haven't seen those ever before. Wonder where that man came from. S'not like anyone makes clothing like that besides that Ishida guy the last time he came here."

"Doesn't matter, does it? He's here to do something, apparently."

"Well, duh, Kira. That was rather obvious."

"Yeah, but did you see the results?"

Renji snorted into his sake jug. "Of course! Can't believe he actually released them to the newspaper! Hisagi must be having the time of his life!"

A wry smile came to Kira's face. Honestly, Eleventh division seemed to sap people of their manners. Oh well, not like Renji had many to begin with anyway. "That's Hisagi-senpai to you, Renji. You know that it's impolite, right?"

"Whatever, man. But yeah, it's all over the papers. Who do you think this one is? I mean, it almost seems like Kuchiki-taicho, but not quite."

"Well, I do have my suspicions but…" A grin grew behind Kira's sake jug as he took another large gulp from it, only to be interrupted halfway by a triumphantly smirking Ikkaku, and Yumichika who looked pristinely happy as usual.

A rough shove to Renji's shoulder heralded Ikkaku's arrival for the red-haired man. "Are ya stupid or what, Renji?"

"Oi, Ikkaku. Long time no see. Sit. And what's with the scolding? Not like you're any better." Turning around, he slapped at the chair next to him, holding out another sake jug passed over by the barkeep.

Inclining his head in thanks, Ikkaku downed a third of the jug in a gulp, swiping at his mouth with a hand. The triumphant smirk on his face widened as he leant slightly towards Renji. "Yeah? Well, _I_, unlike _you_, already know who that's referring to."

A snort from Renji was the first reaction that Ikkaku got, closely followed by an indignant statement. "Yeah right. Tell me, then, if you're so smart. S'not like you actually know."

"I really do know, dumbass." The smirk morphed into an all out feral grin in imitation of Zaraki-taicho's as Ikkaku faux-glared at Renji, daring him to say something.

"I told him."

"Oi, oi, Yumi. Ya not s'pposed ta say that. Ya s'pposed to stand there and grin as I dazzle them with ma superior intelligence."

"Ooh, somebody's been taking language classes."

"Shut up, Renji. Not like ya that smart."

"But anyway, how did you know, Yumichika-san?"

"Ah, so you finally decided to involve my beautiful presence in your conversation, Kira-kun?"

"Spit it out, Yumi."

"Maa, no need to be so impatient, Renji-kun. In time, in time."

"And?" Renji rolled his eyes from behind his sake bottle. Gee, why did he have to prompt Yumi for every single little detail?

"You really are too impatient for your own good, no?"

"Yumi. Spill."

"Well, if you insist. That is what I overheard Kyouraku-taicho speaking about with Ukitake-taicho when I was at Fourth Division to pick up paperwork."

"Eh? How would Kyouraku know?" This time, Kira was too interested to pick up on the impoliteness of calling one of Seireitei's most senior captains solely by surname.

"He did mention something about being interviewed." Yumichika grinned at the surprised and shocked looks on all of their faces, including that of Ikkaku. His bald friend was as perceptive as Zaraki-taicho was when it came to hollows. Not at all. After all, it did not take much to kill them. Slash, hack, die. And Ikkaku's perceptiveness paled in comparison to the poor perceptiveness of Renji, and the acutely sharp one of Kira. (Which was another reason why Yumi liked talking to Kira. Gossiping was such a lovely pastime. Talking to Matsumoto was even better, though.)

"Interviewed? Who would interview that man?! He's half-drunk all the time! And who would they interview him on? S'not like Ukitake-taicho's nuts. Who else would Kyouraku-taicho know stuff about?" Ikkaku looked slightly offended at the idea that Yumi had known such things, and seemed a little pissed. Yumi suspected that it was the drink talking. After all, Ikkaku got half-drunk very quickly. It just took him forever to get knocked out.

"Well, apparently he can be a good source of information even when _half-drunk all the time_."

"Heh. Very funny. So spill, Yumi."

"Nu uh. I'm not telling who it is. Ikkaku knows. Make him tell you."

"Ikkaku. Spill."

"As if I'd spill so easily, Renji. Who d'ya think I am, huh?"

"Shut your trap." Yup, they were both drunk. Yumi sat down in a chair and exchanged wary glances with Kira, the latter having very little to drink because it was his turn to stay sober and drag the others back.

"Then I won't be telling ya nuts."

Kira was very adept at sensing when storms were about to go, having been in the Third Division where Ichimaru's expressions and every whim had more or less meant life or death. As such, he knew that the two more violent counterparts were close to exchanging blows. (Not that it took a lot, but still…) And so, he hurriedly butted into the conversation. "So, Ikkaku, who is it?"

"Hah, see, Renji, at least Kira here knows how to ask nicely."

"Yeah, yeah, get on with it. S'not like we have all day."

"It's the soutaicho."

"WHAT?!"

Kira fell out of his chair with a thump, a thankfully empty sake jug colliding roughly with his chest. Ikkaku chuckled merrily, taking another swig from the bottle directly as Renji choked and spluttered. Yumichika raised a feathered eyebrow, a knowing smile going to his face as he extended a hand to help Kira up. The barkeep glared at them when a voice sounded from the doorway.

"Starting the party without me? I'm hurt, guys."

"Uh?" A half-drunk Renji turned around to look at the doorway. Matsumoto grinned happily, waving before bouncing right over, closely followed by Hisagi and Iba.

This was going to be a night to remember.

Actually, it was going to be thirteen very interesting nights to remember.

* * *

And here's yet another story! If you couldn't guess by now, it'll be exactly 13 chapters long. :P. Most of the information related to the mental disorder was taken from the almighty Wikipedia. Do not hesitate to poke if any mistakes are spotted. :)

Many apologies for starting so many stories, but this is one of those ideas that pounced on me and requested to be written. I'm very welcome to, and would be very grateful to ideas for the diagnoses of Gin, Unohana and Ukitake, because those three are ones which I haven't found relevant information for yet.

Cheers,  
Tan


	2. You Gotta Be Kittying Me

Subject No: 504301-02

**Subject Report  
**  
**From Consultation:  
**  
Compound of an incomprehensible size, requires guidance to move from point A to point B, even when said points are within view. _(Subordinates claim that compound is unsafe, refuse to elaborate.)_ Subordinates staunchly loyal, crisp and disciplined. _(Subordinates refuse to entertain any other questions.)_ Office situated out of the way, suspicions that this is not true office. Paranoia seems to be at an extreme. _(You gotta be nuts, or at least severely paranoid to have a meeting in the dark basement.)  
_  
Chair absent, as with any other form of furniture other than that which subject is perched behind. _(Subject seems almost grouchy. Almost.) _Subject notices the arrival of other presence, and does not seem to be on good relations with immediate subordinate. _(As judged from the minimal almost disgusted interactions. Perhaps such a working relationship would not be born from a true meritocracy? Perhaps.)_

Subject seems impatient to start, though coupled with the signs of anxiety which were attempted to be suppressed, seem to indicate otherwise. _(Winning against an experienced body language reader is impossible.)_ Other than above mentioned obvious anxiety, subject appears normal. _(Surprisingly, seeing as most others have expressed shock or surprise upon seeing an appearance which does not quite correspond with the region of the world that they currently reside in.)_

Questions asked are met with mild annoyance, though answers are perfectly logical and indicative of a sound mind. _(How bothersome.) _Subject seems agitated when probing questions are asked. _(Indicative of a certain degree of sharpness which appears to be rare in this society.)_ Subject turns threatening when certain topics are brought up. _(These topics deserve further study.)_

Upon closer examination, certain phrases appear to trigger specific responses. _(Some of which are not particularly appropriate for high society.) _Further prompting, _(to the annoyance of the subject, as shown by increased tenseness and souring of facial features,)_ reveals possibility of responses being unconscious and uncontrolled. Mention of a singular phrase is sufficient to elicit such a response, appears to elicit the same response repeatedly.

_(How amusing.)  
_  
**From Colleague A:  
**  
No comment.

_(Fear of reprisal, perhaps? Power held by subject is rather significant, network appears to reach far and wide, none are left unscathed after contact with said network. Perhaps such power extends even beyond duty, and although researcher was not affected, said researcher is a master.)  
_  
**Audio Log From Colleague B:  
**  
"Who? You want to know about who?"

"You require memory assistance?"

"That's dangerous ground you're treading."

"Possibly, plausibly."

"Hmph. What'cha gonna pay me with?"

"Surely a good friend such as yourself would be satisfied with a description from a first hand experience of meeting the one you care about?"

"You talk big."

"Perhaps."

"Ah, you want to know about her, right? If you're sure, then. You'll be surprised."

"That would be my judgment to make."

"Just shut up and listen, dolt."

"As you wish."

"Fine, fine. Whatever. Well, basically, she's a nice girl."

"More description would be preferred."

"Yeah, yeah. I was getting there. Sheesh. Anyway, as I was saying, she's a nice girl, sweet and very obedient."

"On the ground experience speaks otherwise."

"Do you want to hear my description or not?"

"By all means."

"So shut up. Gosh. You're noisy for such a character. Honestly, I don't know what she saw in…"

"Refrain from referring to my personal life."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. She's always been very obedient, perhaps overly obedient. Overly obedient, but she's very powerful, she's powerful for her age, that is."

"As compared to…"

"Don't bring in Ichimaru and Kuchiki into this, and you can just forget about mentioning Hitsugaya. These guys, they're close to genius level, Hitsugaya's a damn prodigy. Now, our girl, she's very strong as compared to the average person of that level."

"She is not our, and you know that very well. I…"

"Gotcha. Besides, what's with this sudden interest of yours? What, interested in her? Naughty, naughty. You've got a…"

"Enough. Is there nothing else you can tell me?"

"Well, she's got a temper, this one. And tends to be loyal to the extreme that she views superiors to almost always be right. A tad jumpy as well, although she's got a good head on her shoulders. She's got a little strange habit of tugging at her hair, blushing and coughing very lightly, though I have absolutely no idea why she does that."

"Interesting."

"So, Mr. I-Will-Be-Removed-From-All-This, what is with all this attention? C'mon, you tell me, and then we're even."

"Research. I thank you for your time."

"Hey! Hey! You can't just… Damn you!"

**Summary Of Audio Log  
**  
Subject appears to have minor personality issues, perhaps a severe subordinate complex, though that is not in itself a personality disorder. Other than mentioned, subject appears to be normal, albeit remotely queer, though once again, queerness is no indication of mental instability.

However, audio log has granted information, which tied in with observations, has confirmed researcher's suspicions.

**Diagnosis  
**  
Subject is suffering from Tourette's syndrome. Initial diagnosis was that of transient tic disorder. However, audio log has proven that such tics have been around for decades and perhaps even centuries. As such, due to the presence of both motor and phonic tics, as well as the long duration, the diagnosis is that of Tourette's syndrome.

Subject does not require rehabilitation or any other form of restorative measures.

The syndrome is merely occasionally embarrassing, should one find out the trigger and decide to utilize it.

* * *

"Kiiiisuuuuukeeeee!"

Urahara Kisuke rolled his eyes, sitting up. Damn, Yoruichi was always an early riser, and he, he preferred to let his genius brain rest for longer. He needed his sleep, and three am in the morning was still too early to be up. But this was Yoruichi, and she did not take no as an answer. Oh well.

"Hai, hai!" Splashing his face with some water, he inspected himself in the mirror before quickly getting dressed and plonking the bucket hat on his head before said head stuck out into the corridor.

Yoruichi was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room, holding a sheaf of papers, grinning like a Cheshire Cat from one of those books that Ichigo had lent him to learn more English from. Raising his half-hidden eyebrows, he espied the rather familiar handwriting on it.

"So, he finally wrote back? Do we finally get to use his facilities, or even enter them?" Damn, he could not quite his excitement at the thought of more experimenting. He had been out of the proper equipment and power sources to experiment with for a very long time already.

"Well, you see, he did write back." Yoruichi's grin widened as Urahara slowly floated up to cloud nine. "But it wasn't about that." The genius crashed back to earth with an audible thud. Heh, this was so fun, and it was not often that she got the better of him, so she was going to enjoy this for as long as she could.

"What was it about, then?" Kisuke half growled half pouted. "Lemme see." Snatching the papers away before she could react, his eyes widened slightly, a huge devious grin going to his face. "The sly, sly, bastard!"

"Exactly. Should we call Isshin?" Yoruichi smirked; she could just feel the deviousness in her welling up. This was going to be incredibly fun.

"Nah. He'll just be pissed that _he_ beat him to it." Urahara was a wonderful multi-tasker, and as they were conversing, he was already committing the words and the content of the report to memory.

"Fair enough. Remember that time, B…" Her face fell for a moment, before it brightened up again, and the grin only got larger.

"Yoruichi, darling, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so, Kisuke."

"It's time to give Soul Society a visit."

* * *

"Taicho!"

Hitsugaya Toshiro sighed, looking up from his paperwork. "What now, Matsumoto?"

The bubbly blonde rushed into the room, brandishing the newest issue of the Seireitei Chronicle. Ah, great. That rubbishy paper that Hisagi Shuuhei next door was always, always working on. If he spent as much time on acquiring his bankai as he did on that crappy paper, the Ninth Division Lieutenant would not be the Ninth Division Lieutenant but the Ninth Division Captain. Oh well.

"Look here! It's another one of the captains!" And this would probably be the second in the series of commotion causing so-called personality analyses that had been sweeping Seireitei by storm, causing panic amongst the higher ranked shinigami, most of them afraid of being targeted next. "That person did another personality test!"

"And?" The prodigy scowled, time was being wasted, and he did want to go off and finish up his work. "What is it, Matsumoto? Who is it this time?"

Having read the previous issue, he had known, after thinking for a moment or two, that the target, or subject in question, had been the soutaicho. And frankly, he would not be too surprised when that researcher person knocked on his office door and requested an audience. Reaching only silence, he looked up to see Matsumoto devouring the pages hungrily, the light of what could only be described as rumor-mongering shining brightly in her eyes.

He sighed before wordlessly releasing Hyourinmaru and hooking the sheets of paper over with that handy chain. Ignoring her squeals of protest, he flipped through the pages for the diagnosis, a look of what Matsumoto would later describe as pure chibi evil entering his eyes. "Ho, ho. So I just have to find the keyword. Now, that does not sound too difficult."

A grin came to his face. "Curiosity killed the _cat_, huh."

The captain meetings from now on were going to be so interesting, he could hardly wait.

* * *

Ah, my many apologies once more, (it seems that all I can do effectively nowadays is apologize) and I will endeavour to update my other fics more often too, now that the muse has returned.

Cheers,  
Tan


	3. The Slow Descent Into Madness Begins

Subject No: 504301-03

**Subject Report  
**  
**From Consultation:  
**  
_(Amount of paperwork one is required to fill to enter is absolutely insane, the filing and processing enough to severely deter any but the most determined. It can be seen why the invasion of this place would be close to impossible - one has to first scale the Red Tape Mountain.)_

Entrance draped artfully with what appears to be black cloth, tattered and shredded. _(One wonders why anyone would want to live here, in such an inhospitable, dark and completely non-white area.) _Path through what appears to be the garden is instead filled with more darkness and the sensation of being in the absolute middle of nowhere. _(Thank goodness for certain abilities which allow one to travel faster. Guide appears to be uncomfortable upon seeing these abilities. One wonders why.)  
_  
What appears to be a poorly made Zen garden appears in view. Firstly, Zen gardens require vegetation, of which there is none. Secondly, the ground is required to be made of coarse grains. Thirdly, the spirals, circles and designs etched into the ground are absent. That and there are no focal points for the energy to focus on, there are no rocks, pebbles or even boulders.

Most importantly, it would appear that the members have no concept of time. It simply does not exist to them, shown especially when guide was prompted about the date, time, and even month of the year. _(Such a pity, that.)_

The structure itself is impressive. Clear cut corners, sheer marble-esque walls rising abruptly from the sand, the entrance narrow and intimidating. Subject in question is standing at the doorway, looking pleased with himself. Subject suggests the meeting continue inside, that the Lord of the Castle, _(or whatever it is that they call him nowadays)_, is currently indisposed, tryouts are being held at the moment, and would you like to watch?

It appears to be near impossible to decline, and as it would appear that the subject would also be appearing at the tryouts as a judge or sorts, it would thus be logically beneficial to go. _(Not that watching mindless violence is at all remotely pleasing.)  
_  
Arena is well built, and the structure speaks of previous architectural experience, small amounts of previous architectural experience. _(If it were to rain, if it were possible for rain to land in this forsaken land, all spectators would be drenched. As it is, the sun is simply scorching. Goodness, this was not mentioned in the contr…) _

Subject appears to be enjoying himself watching blood and gore spray out in various directions. _(Honestly now, this fight is so one-sided it is no longer a fight but a massacre. Look at the size of that weapon. Honestly! And that maniacal grin on the competitor's face, it appears to be unmatched by any other in the stands. Or not.) _Subject is grinning broadly, pleased at something which appears to be found within the artful sprays of blood present.

Perhaps it is time to leave. _(Before subject accidentally volunteers one to join in the fight.)_

**From Colleague A  
**  
"That kid's a sly bastard. He ain't gonna care what he's makin' ya do, he'll just force ya ta do it just because he can. And he won't take no fer an answer, he'll weasel his way ta make ya do anything he wants. He'll push and shove and bribe and blackmail to get what he wants.

And he does it grinning. Grinning, all the damn time, like seein' someone get hurt's funny. Me, I can't stand the guy. So damn fake. Makes me wanna pound his face into the ground."

**From Colleagues B and C  
**  
"He's a genius, actually. You would probably be hard pressed to find anyone with as much raw talent as he possesses."

"Mm, yeah, he's that smart. You'd be surprised. Little one just flew right through the Academy, we hadn't seen anything like that before."

"And yeah, of course, of course. He actually rose to Captain in record time, though there are hints that it was not necessarily legal, the way that he did it. Didn't really care much for others, that kid."

"But he was still a genius."

"Yeah, a true genius."

"Such a pity, he had to up and… y'know, though."

"Aye, such a pity."

**Diagnosis  
**  
The subject has Antisocial Personality Disorder, characterized by a pervasive disregard for the law and the rights of others, especially obvious in situations of life and death, where this disregard appears that much more apparent. Manipulation and deceit appear to be key influences in the subject's life, whereby the subject utilizes these tools to twist and turn facts and subordinates to his power.

Immediate restorative and rehabilitative measures are recommended. Please contact analyst for further details.

* * *

To say that Seireitei was slightly disturbed would be the understatement of the millennium. To say that Seireitei was disturbed would be the understatement of the century. To say that Seireitei was in an uproar would be an understatement. (Ukitake and Kyouraku would and could attest to the first two, and everyone knew why the third was true.)

This issue of the Seireitei Chronicles carried yet another one of those interviews, analyses and diagnoses. And if the reader had even a remotely present level of intelligence, they would know what, and who this was about.

As for those interviewed, their shock was even greater to find that they had been interviewed by the man who had, just hours ago, been a guest within the great sandy lair that was Hueco Mundo. Yes, Hueco Mundo. There was no other place which was sandy, appeared to be a Zen garden, and was within reach of a supposedly spiritually attuned person, as they had just found the interviewer to be.

Surprisingly, the controversy, and all the excitement was now not focused on the subject (Well, gee. Everyone knew he had been off his freaking rocker, even as a little kid, and even as a former Captain.) but on the analyst instead. Everyone wanted to know who he was, and all the Captains more so, such that when the Zaraki-christened 'little bugger' showed up, they would be able to conveniently be out of the way. After all, there was no one out there who could beat or catch up with the captains, besides Urahara Kisuke, who obviously was not the one.

* * *

Hitsugaya Toshiro was disturbed, to say the least. He would normally dismiss such idle gossip as rubbish, before urging Matsumoto to get back to work and stop drinking, but this time, the gossip did not seem to be idle. That, and he did not want to be diagnosed with anything. He was perfectly fine, thank you.

Though somehow, somehow he could not quite stop worrying. Who was this person? Why had he or she, (because Zaraki tended to be quite blind and not be able to tell gender too well), decided to go ahead and do this? What was the motive behind this?

Was it Aizen?

For the first time, the prodigy could not have been any more wrong.

* * *

Aizen Sousuke was disturbed.

He had no idea how Tousen and Gin had gotten a copy of that dratted paper and were currently reading it and sniggering at it behind his back.

He hated that.

He hated people not letting him in on secrets, and he suspected that his reiatsu was showing just that, which would explain a couple of passed out Arrancars lying all over Las Noches. How disturbing.

He was going to have to put an end to that.

Sweeping down the long corridors, he finally made his way to the newly created broadcast room.

"Ichimaru Gin. Tousen Kaname…." Taking in a deep breath, a smirk went to his face.

"GET YOUR ASSES TO THE CENTRAL CHAMBER NOW."

A pause.

"And bring that paper with you. We have _a lot_ to discuss."

* * *

Perhaps the only person in Seireitei who was happily oblivious to the chaos happening around him, was Kira Izuru. That was, until he was ambushed.

By a jumpy, absolutely nutters Kusajishi Yachiru.

"Blondie-kun!"

"Oh, Yachiru-chan… What brings you here today?"

"Have you seen the Seireitei Chronicle? Have you? Have you? Have you?"

"I am afraid I…"

"You haven't? Whyyy?"

"I do not have the liberty of time, Yachiru-chan. Ever since _he _left, I've had a lot of work to do, you know?"

"Aw, but see! See! It's about Fox-face!" Happily jabbing a finger at the paper, Yachiru had just managed to arouse Kira's interest.

"And so it is, Yachiru-chan."

"Yeah! Yeah! What'cha gonna do, Blondie-kun? What'cha gonna do?"

"I-I have to do something?"

"Silly Blondie-kun. Of course! Of course you gotta write a letter to Fox-face and say how much you miss him and how much you'd like him to come back and…"

"What?!"

"You don't want him to come back, Blondie-kun?"

"Well, no?"

"You… don't like him, Blondie-kun?"

"Why does everyone assume I liked him? I never did, and I never will."

"But… That's what Pachinko head said. He said you were lonely thinking about Fox-face so I should go over and cheer you up."

"Well… I thank Ikkaku for his concern, but, oh and can you tell him this for me, Yachiru-chan?"

"Yep!"

"HE CAN STOP POKING HIS BALD HEAD INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS, AND STOP MAKING UP THINGS WHICH JUST AREN'T TRUE!"

"Is that all, Blondie-kun?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Yachiru."

"You're welcome!"

And with that, Kira Izuru's day went back to it's normal, boring self.


End file.

Bleach, Humor