Sailor Moon New Attacks for the Senshi

Disclaimer/Legal Shmuck: I DO NOT own Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon, got it? Good. Now please refrain from tossing the rotten vegetables at me till AFTER you finish reading the fanfic!!!

Author's Note: Yes, I know this will be very stupid and corny, but I was kinda on a sugar high when a friend and I thought this up. And now, a year later, I decide to write it! I know, I'm a baka! ^.^

"Mercury Crystal Power …Make UP!"

"Mars Crystal Power …Make UP!"

"Jupiter Crystal Power…Make UP!"

"Venus Crystal Power…Make UP!"

"Uranus Planet Power…Make UP!"

"Neptune Planet Power…Make UP!"

"Pluto Planet Power…Make UP"

"Saturn Planet Power…Make UP!"

"Moon Crisis …Make UP!"

The Sailor Senshi, protectors of the Earth, transformed into their Sailor Fukus as the yoama started to break free of Rei's wards. The got into their fighting stances and readied their attacks. An odango-haired senshi walked up.

"In the name of love and justice, and I am Pretty Sailor Suited Soldier, Sailor Moon! And in the name of the moon, you're punished!"

The monster roared and charged at Sailor Moon. She jumped up, so the monster headed for the next soldier, a short blue-haired girl with a blue fuku.

"Flame…SNIPER!" 

An arrow of fire hit the monster in the eye and out gushed blood, staining the young red-suited senshi.

"World…SHAKING!"

"Deep SUBMERGE!"

"Pluto Deadly…scream…" ((this should be the ONLY dubby thing in this fanfic…))

The three planet shaped attacks hit the monster, and it fell to the ground with a thud. The senshi crept in closer to inspect it. It jumped up again, it's wounds disappearing, and laughing menacingly. 

"Sailor Moon! Sailor Chibi Moon!" yelled a blonde with an orange fuku "Attack it before it fully heals!"

"And hurry it up!" yelled a green-clad girl, who was punching at the monster while a girl in purple was trying to slice the monster with her weapon.

"Right!" the two yelled, and summoned their Rainbow Kaleidoscopes to their hands. "DOUBLE RAINBOW MOON HEART ACH-"

"STOP!!!" yelled an enraged voice.

All ten Sailor Senshi and the yoama turned and saw a young girl in a director's hat and chair, yelling into a megaphone, with several camera people behind her. 

"Who are you?" asked Sailor Moon, sweat dropping.

"I" she said in a very annoyed voice "Am Lorie, the publicity agent for this show, and I have one thing to say; YOUR ATTACKS STINK!!! I mean COME ON! Who wants to see an attacks like 'Deep Submerge' or 'Flame sniper'?! What kind of attacks are THOSE?!"

"Um…good ones?" said Sailor Chibi Moon shyly "Ones that have helped us beat yoama before?"

"WRONGO!" Lorie yelled into the megaphone.

"What's the big idea?!" asked Sailor Uranus, rubbing her ears "You're going to break our eardrums!"

"YOUR EARDRUMS ARE NOT IMPORTANT!!!" yelled Lorie "What IS important is getting this show popular again! We gotta give the fans what they want, and they want NEW ATTACKS!!!"

"Why should WE listen to YOU?!" asked Sailor Uranus, cracking her knuckles.

"Cool it Haruka. You'll listen, or we'll tell the people in America to dub the show and make you and Michiru COUSINS!!!"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!" yelled Uranus and Michiru, hugging each other.

"And we'll tell 'em to give you all REALY crappy voices as well!" said Lorie, smirking at the now cowering senshi. "Now, I want the Outer Senshi, including Saturn, to step forward."

Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna, and Hotaru reluctantly stepped ahead of all the others while Lorie rummaged around in a box and finally pulled out four pots! She gave one to each of them and smiled.

Sailor Saturn looked confused "What's this supposed to be?"

"It's your new prop for your attack! Just work it into the attack, and you can use your old weapons of you want!" said Lorie happily, and she turned to the Inners. "Alright," she grinned "your turn!"

The senshi looked on in fear, wondering what prop would befall them. Finally, Lorie managed to get five different foods out of her box and hand one to each of them, other than Chibi Moon.

"Chibi Moon, you just use your very first attack. The rest of you fit the food into your attack somehow! Now, all of you will get a chance to attack the yoama using your brand new attack, ok? Outers first!" she sat into her director's chair "Roll film, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, ACTION!"

Sailor Pluto staggered up to the monster while trying to balance the pot on top of her staff "Pluto…Deadly…" it fell off and shattered into pieces "Pot?" she walked back shaking her head.

Sailor Uranus walked up, holding the pot above her in the palm of her hand "Pot…Shaking!" she threw it at the monster. It fell about a foot in front of him, shattering, but nothing actually HITTING him. She swore loudly as Michiru walked forward.

"Pot SUBMERGE!" she threw it gracefully, but it landed on her foot.

Saturn decided to stab the pot to make it stay on the Silence Glaive, but it broke the minute the glaive touched it. She hit the pieces like they were hockey pucks at the monster while grumbling "Silence Pot Surprise…" every time she hit.

Mercury walked up, showing the food that had been given to her, which was Ramen Noodles. She tied the ends to her fingers and made motions like she was playing a harp "Mercury Aqua Ramen Noodles!" and threw it at him. He ate it.

Mars came up, looking VERY pissed off. She had a long, large stick of French Bread. She put it on her bow, some of it burning in the flames "French bread…SNIPER!" She pulled back and released her arrow of bread, which the monster happily gobbled up. 

Jupiter approached the monster holding a box of Cheerios! Grabbing a fistful in each hand she started spinning. "Jupiter Cheerio Evolution!" She let go of the dry cereal while spinning, and it took off in all directions. The monster ran about, catching as much as possible in his mouth.

Venus was next, holding a large chocolate heart in her hand. "Venus…" she prepared to throw the chocolate like a Frisbee "Love and Candy Heart Shock!" It flew like a boomerang in the air, but, like all the other Inner attacks, it was devoured by the now happy monster.

Sailor Moon was walking up with her food, which was an orange. Problem was that she was eating it! "Nummy!" ^_^

Lorie yelled "CUT!" and walked up to the leader of the Senshi, hungrily eating the fruit, oblivious to the fact that Lorie had put her megaphone next to her ear. That is, until she yelled "STOP EATING THE BLOODY ATTACK!!!" Lorie handed her a new orange "NOW DON'T EAT THIS ONE!!!" she stomped back to her Director's Chair "Roll Camera, 5,4,3,2,1, ACTION!"

Sailor Moon, now subdued into not eating the delicious citrus fruit, sauntered up to the yoama. She spun around chanting "Rainbow…Moon…ORAGE ACHE!" Sailor Moon stopped and tossed the orange into the air in hitting over to the monster like a baseball with her want. The monster caught it, peeled it, and ate it.

"Sailor Chibi Moon!" cried Sailor Saturn "It's up to YOU to defeat the yoama!"

Chibi Moon nodded and ran up to the monster. "PINK…SUGAR…HEART…ATTACK!!!" The hearts began to knock the monster upside the head, until he opened his mouth and started to eat the hearts of sugar.

"Yum," he said, licking his lips as he ate the last one, then turned to the Senshi "You know, you guys are supposed to DEFEAT me, not FEED me…"

Sailor Uranus cried out in aggravation and marched up to Lorie. Lorie started to freak out "Um…Haruka, what are you doing?! CUT! CUT! ARG! Lemme go! Oh god, not the face, not the face!"

Uranus has picked up Lorie by the front of her shirt and had her other hand up ready to punch her. "Our rating will SINK thanks to you!"

"Yeah!" cried Mars, walking up with the rest.

"Don't hurt her too much Haruka!" said Neptune, cracking her knuckles "We ALL want a piece of her!"

"Oh god, oh god, oh god…" Lorie stammered as all the Senshi gave her death glares.

"Hey!" cried a stage hand "The ratings have sky rocketed!"

All the Senshi turned in disbelief, although Uranus was still gripping tightly onto Lorie "Nani?!"

"The fans LOVE the new attacks! These ratings are off the charts!"

Uranus looked back at the cowering publicity agent in her grip and smiled "What other ideas have you got for our show?"

DONE! FINALLY! ^^ Well, I know it was strange, but what more do you expect from a fanfic? Please Review now that you've Read! ^^


End file.

Sailor Moon, Humor