Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own SMEAR. And Harriet. I don't want to because she's a bit crazy and whiny but I kind of, sort of do. The rest is all J K Rowling (she's so awesome).**

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Rose Weasley sat in the prefect's compartment on the Hogwarts express thinking carefully. She tucked a wayward curl of red brown hair behind her ear and nodded, making the right sounds at the right intervals to make her cousin and fellow prefect, Albus Potter, think that she was listening to him as he went on and on about the Holyhead Harpies. She was in fact contemplating how she was going to handle all of her duties this year and still come out on top.

When Rose got the letter informing her of her new prefect status she was ecstatic. Not as ecstatic as Ron who had always found more pride in his children's achievements than his own _('Yes yes I helped save the wizarding world, but have you ever seen a prettier garland?! Rosie Posie made it in school!')_, and not as ecstatic as her mother _('Oh Rosie you are just going to be the perfect prefect, I just know it!')_ and not as ecstatic as Hugo _('Great, now just remember that you're family and family is more important than being a prefect so when you catch me snogging some girl don't go ratting me out, okay?')_ but ecstatic nonetheless.

As the days went on however she began wondering if perhaps being a prefect wasn't a good thing after all. She had OWLs to study for and Quidditch and worst of all she still had to deal with Malfoy's pranks and then plan the retaliatory step in their battle. She would like it better if he just stopped pranking her altogether of course but didn't seem likely at all. How could she possibly deal with all of her usual problems _and_ being a prefect when she barely got time to sleep at all?

So Rose Weasley decided, she decided that she had two options, either convince Malfoy to stop the war or give up the prefect badge. She really didn't want to give up the prefect badge it was so...shiny! So the only course of action left was to stop Malfoy.

Unfortunately she just couldn't settle upon the best course of action to dissuade Malfoy's pranks. Appealing to his better nature wouldn't work since he didn't have one neither would hexing him till he couldn't think seeing as how she could have her prefect's badge taken away from her which ran rather counter to her motives. She could convince him to make a wager with her with a reprieve from his pranks as the reward but seeing as how every single bet she had made since the second she was born had not been in her favour she forewent that thought.

"Scorpius!" Albus cried out and she was jolted out of her thoughts when their very subject ran into the compartment and closed it behind him, looking very much like a hunted prey.

"Albus get the invisibility cloak out and hide me!" He said, terrified.

Her cousin threw him a confused look that melted into one of understanding when a high pitched giggle was heard and as quick as he could he unpacked the cloak, throwing it at his best friend. The compartment door slid open and Harriet Carr burst in.

"Scorpy!" She cried out and looked around only for her face to fall when she saw it was just Albus and Rose. "Oh it's you two." She said, disdain dripping in her words and she shot a hateful look at Rose who simply rolled her eyes.

"Hello Harriet, to answer your question, no, we have not seen Scorpius." Albus said before Harriet could open her mouth and Rose snorted. She felt a pinch and looked in the general direction that it had come from fully aware that Scorpius was once again taking the mickey out of her.

She turned back to the door to see Harriet giving her a look as if questioning her sanity. Then again she had just been caught glaring at empty air.

"Weasley, going mad already?" She sneered and Rose raised an eyebrow.

"This is the Prefects' compartment and you're not a Prefect. Unless you want to stay and get a detention even before we reach school..."

Harriet snarled this time but flounced away anyway. Within seconds of her departure Scorpius Malfoy, bane of her life, uncloaked himself and handed it back to Albus.

"Thanks mate, you're a real life saver." He told Albus running his hands through his green mohawk to bring it back to its nest like glory from where it had been flattened by the cloak. He turned to Rose with a smirk. "Hello Rosie poo, miss me?"

"I-"

"No need to answer that, you've obviously been driven mad by how much it hurts to be away from me, glaring at absolutely nothing like that." He sniggered and Rose fumed.

She didn't know why it got on her nerves. It wasn't like he was being particularly offensive or anything but just something about the way he said it drove her nuts. The arrogance, the nose up in the air, the smirk it all just made her want to hex him so bad! But she forced herself to calm down.

"I'm sure as the chairman of the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club Harriet knows how to cure me, maybe I should go get he-" She got off her seat and reached out for the door.

"NO!" He looked utterly petrified. It was as if she'd used a stunning spell on him and he was just stuck there.

Her eyebrow rose of its own accord. "Scared, Malfoy?"

"Rose, please." Albus said, ever the mediator, his experience in mitigating arguments between Lily and James coming in handy.

But she had stopped, if only because she had figured out the perfect plan to stop Malfoy. He was terrified of his fangirls. He ran away from his fangirls. Ergo, if she was his fangirl it stood to reason that he would never prank her again, much too busy hiding from her to do so. She now had a plan.

If there was one thing Rose had learnt from her mother, it was that having an acronym that is memorable was key to its success. Sure everyone had taken SPEW to be a complete and utter joke and sure Hermione Weasley had yet to succeed in her attempts to get the Wizengamot to establish protection laws for House Elves but people remembered the name SPEW(if only to mock it) and that was one lesson Rose would take to the grave.

Plus it was an excellent time to try the mnemonic thing she'd read about.

Operation Stop Malfoy's Exploits And Retaliate, also known as Operation SMEAR was about to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hope this chapter finds you all in good health and a special shout out to Guest for reviewing, it made me feel all warm and tingly on the inside.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a unicorn plushie. What you see is all the genius of J K Rowling.**

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Rose was not a Gryffindor.

This hadn't been half as much of a surprise to the Weasley clan since they knew her and frankly they were just glad she wasn't in Slytherin. Or worse, _Hufflepuff_.

But Rose was not a Gryffindor. She was a Ravenclaw and Ravenclaws study, plan, think and only then do they go ahead. They do not rush into things headfirst; they do not do stupid things without weighing the outcomes, without studying the variables. Ravenclaws are smart.

So really her caution was completely justified, she wasn't a _coward_. No, she was simply erring on the side of caution. It would be strange anyway, if she just suddenly began swooning at the sight of Malfoy. Usually when she swooned around him it was because she was nauseous at the sight of his stupid face.

Rose had had one crush in all of her school career, on Darien Baldock. He had been sweet and charming and smart and also five years older than her. Five years wasn't much of a difference in the grand scheme of things but when you were twelve and the boy you were crushing on was seventeen it made a big, big difference. Because then, five years was more than one third of your life and it made making a move fairly difficult. Rose's experience with romance had therefore been limited to watching him from afar and sighing dreamily while he didn't even realise she existed.

(Well that and the trashy romance novels that her mom tried and failed to hide.)

Besides, maybe Malfoy would be better this year, maybe he wouldn't have the time to trouble her because he'd be busy with his own studies. OWL's were tough after all, maybe he wouldn't want to spend almost all of his time on her. Sure he'd jumped out from behind a suit of armour just yesterday and she'd hexed him but that was just the one thing. They had both gotten detention of course, her for hexing a fellow student and him for being out of bed at a late hour but they had also been congratulated for being calmer by a surprised yet unsurprised Professor McGonagall.

And it was true, they were much more controlled this time round. Usually by now he would have added some dye to her shampoo or spelled little ducklings with garish red feathers to follow her around and then made fun of her adding to the Weasley clan and she would have retaliated by charming him to grow antlers with pale pink flowers on them that she knew attracted the green birds which shed feathers everywhere. And yet, half the day had already gone by and Malfoy had yet to show his face, clearly he was maturing so really there was no reason to do something as drastic as pretending to be his fangirl.

With that oddly happy thought she settled down on her bench in the library and opened up her books. It was always fun to do some advanced studying to be prepared for all her classes and she wasn't really studying anyway, just revising. The actual studying had been dealt with in her summer holidays.

The library was serene and quiet as always. The soothing sounds of quills scratching on parchment, the smell of ink and hushed whispers filled the air. It was calming and lovely until a voice sounded over all other sounds and ruined it for her.

"Here we have the Rosius Weaslius in its natural habitat, the Library. As you can see it is a relatively gentle animal unless disturbed in its courtship ritual with Studies, usually involving copious amount of Homework. You can see the trademark red hair, a usual characteristic of the Weaslius genus but like in most Weaslius litters there is often a runt, one who is devoted to their mental development and Rosius is the runt of this batch. Notice the clenched teeth, the quill gripped to the point of breaking, the twitch in the eye, all signs that the Rosius is in waiting for the mating call of its partner, also known as OWLs."

Rose's eye twitched once again but she controlled herself and point blank refused to look up.

"All of you step back just a bit, I'm about to show you what happens when you get between a Rosius and its homework and we don't want you to be within attacking distance."

"But what about you?!" Rose clenched her fist as one of the first years worried about Scorpius. She couldn't be certain if it was a boy or a girl given that their voices hadn't broken yet but she was pretty certain it was a girl, Malfoy always garnered such response from the female of their species.

"I've been doing this for quite a few years now, I know how to handle it, now just step back, yes right there." He said and she could hear suddenly loud footsteps coming close before he bodily swung himself into the chair next to hers with such gusto half her papers went flying off the table. "Hello Rosie Posie."

She was trying to control herself really she was but her inner voice that sounded suspiciously like a certain Ronald Weasley was telling her to attack.

No wonder Malfoy made a sport out of annoying her.

Instead she channelled her inner Granger and turned to him with a dazzling smile. As the edge of her lips strained and a sharp intake of breath was heard from where the first years were apparently hidden, she realised it was coming off as more of a grimace than a smile but was too far gone by then.

"Malfoy! What a pleasure to see you! Out of the hospital wing already and so quickly at that!"

"Madame Pomfrey said that it was a particularly weak bat bogey hex." He said with a mischievous grin and she could feel the Granger mode slipping away from her as she gritted her teeth.

"I am sorry for that, I thought it was someone else."

"Really? Who?"

"Oh you know, just someone. You startled me when you jumped out from behind that suit of armour at that hour when you shouldn't have been out of bed."

How he had managed to get from the dungeons past the prefects patrolling and made it all the way to the Ravenclaw tower just to terrify her was a mystery although Albus probably had a hand in it. In some ways Rose rather admired his dedication, if only the thing he was dedicated to wasn't terrorising her.

"Oh you know, I was just looking out for a fellow student's safety."

"I was fine. There wasn't any reason to look out for me." Although just slightly touched at the thought, Rose was adamant that him jumping out from behind a suit of armour (how did he fit in there anyway?) was a bit counter intuitive.

Scorpius simply looked at her with a sad smile. It was as fake as the blonde that the lead singer of The Sisters Humdingers was currently sporting and Rose leaned back her nostrils flaring in anticipation of the inevitable rush of anger that would flood her once he spoke. "I wasn't looking out for you. That poor sod McIntyre!"

"He was fine."

"He was patrolling with you! I mean all I did was surprise you and you hit me with a bat bogey hex, imagine what you'd have done to him once you got him all alone!" He faked a shiver and Rose grew redder and redder. "Oh the horror!"

"I didn't hit you with a bat bogey hex because you surprised me, I hit you with it because you're _you_!"

"Should we go save him?" A first year piped up.

"But she's so scary!", Came the answering whisper. The first years hadn't mastered the art of the sotto voce yet.

"We're Ravenclaws we'll figure out a way!"

And then Rose realised that the First Years that Scorpius had recruited were the very same kids she had spent most of her time the past week helping out. She had led them to their dorms, given them helpful tips about the teacher, about the castle, even told them secret passages they could take to shorten the length to their classroom and this was how they repaid her?! The anger that had been growing in her since he had come into her line of sight finally exploded.

"MALFOY YOU UTTER ARSE!"

"Run!" He yelled and within seconds that part of the library was devoid of both, Malfoys and First years.

"Ahem." Said a dry voice and Rose whirled to find Madame Pince staring down her spectacles at her, her dry chapped lips drawn into a disapproving scowl and Rose curled into herself, suddenly feeling like she was eight and had been caught by her mom with a WonderWitch product.

"Umm...Sorry?"

No it was settled. Rose may have been a Ravenclaw but she was also the daughter of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, famous in history for their bravery and she would conquer all in her path. She would study him and his fangirls and then put the plan into motion and he _would_ be defeated no matter what.

But first she needed a pep talk from her Mum and Dad.

* * *

_Dear parental unit, _

_You might recall that that I have a slight problem named Scorpius Malfoy. I must get rid of this problem and might have come across a possible solution. But it involves trickery and lying in the long term. While the first is no problem at all the seconds poses a challenge due to the nature of the lying._

_Scorpius is scared of his fangirls. I figure if I act like I'm his fangirl he'll leave me alone. But his face makes me want to run him through with the Bulgarian Quidditch team on their Firebolts, all flying at their maximum speed._

_I need help and encouragement._

_Your favourite child and Ravenclaw prefect,_

_Rosius Weaslius_

_P.S. Ignore that. Apparently the git has spelled me so that if I try to write my name it comes as ...that instead. I will possibly be charming him so that every time he sits he farts to the tune of Celestina Warbeck's Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love, in honour of Grandma. Give her my love and please remember that this is all hypothetical and you have deniability in case of investigation into such a future incident. Hypothetically._

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_Dear Rose,_

_I always thought you and Scorpius would make a good couple though. You need some balance in your life dear, I had your Dad and Uncle Harry and you have Albus and Scorpius. Plus we both know that Draco heartily approves of you._

_Who knew that all it needed for years of cold lipped silence from Draco to break was for you to violently threaten his son and describe the manner in which you'd dismember him and then hide all his dismembered body parts in symbolically meaningful places? I for one was very glad for that incident last year at Christmas, Astoria and I don't have to hide our friendship anymore and our betting pool has widened. You will not believe the rate at which galleons are exchanging hands._

_Have you considered not responding to his pranks? You can always take the high road and be mature about this. If I know Scorpius he has never crossed the line and been hurtful in his pranks. _

_Love,_

_Your Mom, the only woman in the Golden Trio and keeper of Ronaldus Weaslius (it's catchy),_

_Hermione Granger-Weasley_

_P.S. I'm not sure that's the best way to honour your grandmother. Hypothetically._

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_Rosie Posie,_

_Don't listen to your mom. You wouldn't make a good couple with Scorpius at all. In fact you wouldn't make a good couple with any boy whatsoever you should just be single forever and be my little baby girl._

_This doesn't sound like a good plan. I don't know if you've noticed but I am not a good actor. There was a time in our second year when I had to be Crabbe. Worst hour of my life._

_Your mother isn't a good actor either. And you're just like her. Remember that time you took an extra cookie and just wouldn't stop crying because you felt so guilty? You were so adorable with your widdle cheeks all red because of the crying. And now you're grown up and a prefect in school._

_I believe in you Rosie. You can do anything you put your mind to. _

_Love_

_Your Dad_

_P.S. Oh Merlin, not that blasted song again. Not even the thought of a Malfoy farting it out makes it sound any better._

* * *

_Dear Mom,_

_I just threw up a bit. Scorpius and I are never ever ever ever going to happen. And please do not mention the incident on the platform at Christmas. It was weird. Very weird. I have nightmares about Mr Malfoy adopting me. He makes me bleach my hair blonde in them._

_And what kind of bets are we talking; can I get in on the action?_

_I'm fifteen, I'm not mature, and I'm a hormonal teenager._

_Love_

_Rosius Weaslius._

_P.S. Incidentally, Malfoy did indeed fart out that song in transfiguration. I had nothing to do with it of course._

* * *

_Dear Daddy,_

_That is discrimination on the basis of gender! What if I was a lesbian or bisexual? You cannot simply ignore a vast population of people I might be attracted to because of conventional ideas of sexuality._

_Please stop freaking out because I mentioned sexuality. Also did that seriously never occur to you while sharing a dorm with only boys? According to Allison Redding-Chang, there's Ron/Harry fanfiction out in the world and you have a very dedicated fanclub._

_And this plan is the only plan I have, I've run out of ideas! I will do this and I will succeed._

_Thanks for the support Daddy,_

_Love,_

_Rosius Weaslius_

_P.S. It was glorious. I have a video of it on the Creevey Camcorder you got me. We can watch it again and again when I come home and maybe send Mr Draco Malfoy a copy for Christmas._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:And Operation SMEAR will go into effect in 3, 2. 1. Thanks to Sadlynotred and nobodysperfect2133 for reviewing, it was the highlight of my day.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of interest, certainly not Harry Potter.**

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It was a dull History of Magic class, so dull in fact that even Rose didn't want to partake in it. Everyone was fast asleep, even the front row were dozing off while pretending to write . Rose had begun nodding off and unable to tolerate the thought that she might be falling asleep in class she looked out the window in hopes of staying awake.

And it worked. It worked very well.

Because in the part of the courtyard that their classroom overlooked, was a certain Scorpius Malfoy. The Ravenclaws had that class with Hufflepuffs (which only served to make it even more boring) and Slytherin had a free period then which was why the yard was dotted with Malfoy hiding from Clarissa Vane, Albus discussing something with Basil Zabini and the rest sprawled out all over. They were waiting for the Herbology class that they had next, she realised and resumed observing all the nervous ticks Scorpius was displaying. It was hard for her to stop the giggles when he ran to the greenhouse desperately trying to avoid the fangirls.

She had been observing him and the fangirls for a good two weeks now and had concluded that this was going to be hard. It was going to be very very hard. She would have to swoon when he was around, titter when he talked and sigh breathily when he did anything 'cool'. But the hardest part was looking for something that would allow her to set her plan into motion.

Scorpius wasn't stupid. He was an idiot of course, a moron, a pain in the arse, an imbecile and many other such things but he wasn't stupid. If she began acting like a simpering fool overnight he would get suspicious, he wouldn't believe it. He was a Slytherin after all, he knew underhanded tactics when he saw them.

"What's got you so annoyed?" Elise, her fellow Ravenclaw whispered. She had been her best friend ever since helping Rose get into the Gryffindor common room by getting into a singing fight with the Fat Lady (and winning) in return for the password.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Is this about your plan to get Malfoy off your back by pretending to be one of his bimbos?"

"What?!" Rose said and when the class turned their heads to look at her, people waking up for the first time since Binns began talking, she turned crimson and sank into her seat, aware of how loud she had been.

Luckily Professor Binns took no notice and class went back to normal within seconds.

"So it _is_ about that plan." Elise concluded.

"How did you find out about that?!" Rose spluttered, "How did you know that?!" She squeaked.

"I know everything." This should have flustered Rose but it was true, Elise really did know almost everything that went on in Hogwarts. She was like a mafia boss with connections all over the castle but no one knew who those connections were "So, it seems like a feasible plan but you will need some acting lessons and we'll have to come up with a schedule, if you act like a fangirl overnight then people will think you've been hit with a love spell."

"I know but how do I do it."

"Well first start off by not looking like a sleeping dragon that's been tickled every time he says something."

"How do I do that?"

"I can't do everything for you. Well unless you're willing to make a Polyjuice potion and exchange places with me for a few hours every day until it becomes easier." Rose was about to laugh but then she thought it over. That would be easier, she realised, but it would also take a lot more time because making a Polyjuice potion took a month. No, one month of tolerating Malfoy was too hard. There had to be another way. "Alright then how about this, when we go to Hogsmeade this weekend I'll convince Albus to come to your uncle's shop with me and leave you and Scorpius alone for just a few minutes. Start off with not getting into an argument with him in those few minutes, that's all. If he teases you imagine it's me saying it not him and stay calm. Does that sound okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Now start taking down notes, you know we all depend upon you to get us through History of Magic."

Rose rolled her eyes and began paying attention to the class but her mind wandered again. She wondered if the prefect badge was really worth it. Because now that she thought about it, it wasn't much of a prestigious thing after all.

There were only four Ravenclaw girls in her year after all. Two of them were the Cinderford twins, Calypso and Penelope who were known as the only Ravenclaws to ever flunk their exams consistently and the other was Elise who had everyone convinced she was really a Slytherin in disguise. It was no wonder Rose had been given the prefect badge, she was the only feasible option. Even with her constant fights with Malfoy she was by far the most sane fifth year Ravenclaw girl. The prefect badge lost a bit of its shininess at that thought but then she looked at it, pinned to the front of her robes and the glint of its pretty bronze and blue swayed her.

Her precioussss badge.

* * *

"You guys go ahead, I have WonderWitch products to buy and I want to use Potter's good name to get a discount." Elise waved and dragged Albus away to the Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes outlet in Hogsmeade as per the plan they had discussed the day before. Rose was getting all fizzy and excited at the thought of getting Scorpius off her back after years of suffering through his loud and annoying presence.

"Oh Rosie Posie, you and I are alone at last." Scorpius sighed and slung his arm around Rose. Remembering Elise's advice she let it stay there instead of shrugging it off with a sneer like she normally did. She realised that was a silly thing to do as he walked them towards the Shrieking Shack where very few people were. Here no one was there to distract her from Scorpius and it was just that much harder to stop herself from punching him. "What's up in your life Weasley dear, it feels like we haven't talked in far too long."

She was hard pressed not to remind him that it was only yesterday that he had sent her a howler that read like a love note from Nathaniel Proom a first year who had openly confessed to adoring her. It hadn't helped that Nathaniel had taken that as a challenge and decided to look for ways to top that 'fake but wonderful gesture of love'. Luckily before she could say anything a voice interrupted them.

"Umm excuse me but did you say Weasley?" A man a few years older than them in a shirt that read 'Koldovstoretz Rocks!' said, clearly a tourist from the school in Russia taking in Britain's finest wizarding institute from a distance. He pushed his horn rimmed glasses that would make Madame Pince jealous up his nose and stared at Rose with open awe. Inwardly she flinched, not wanting more fanboys. Nathaniel was enough, thank you very much.

"Yes, I'm Rose Weasley." She answered politely. Over the years she had learnt how to deal with fans of her parents who transferred their attentions to her.

"And I'm Scorpius Malfoy!" Scorpius introduced himself, waving the hand that wasn't wrapped around her.

At that the man flinched, his face taking on a pinched expression.

"A Malfoy." He said with all the venom of a black mamba. "Harassing her are you, _Death Eater_?"

Scorpius didn't so much as flinch but his arm tightened around her shoulder and Rose couldn't take it anymore. She didn't like Scorpius. He was annoying beyond compare and a pain to boot. He always seemed to know when she was feeling stressed and had a lot of homework to do and seemed to choose those times to annoy her but at no point had he ever made her think of dark wizards and at no point had he ever taken it so far as to ever hurt her.

"Whoa whoa whoa, let's not get nasty."

"Nasty? Look at him, hanging all over you even though you can't stand it. Makes me sick." The man said and looked down his nose at Scorpius. "Bad blood will out. And clearly you know this as well if you dislike him so much."

"Wait, what?" Scorpius said.

"You think we're carrying on some weird feud because of our fathers?!" Rose said equally outraged.

"That is totally untrue."

"Not to mention bigoted. I dislike Scorpius because he's a git not because of his father. His Dad's nice."

"And so is hers."

"He's Albus' best friend for God's sake, you know, Albus Potter? Son of Harry Potter?"

"The war was done with years ago."

"More than twenty years in fact, I mean move on man. We did."

"Yeah, our war is different."

"It's personal."

"It's ours."

"I mean to judge someone for their ancestors' actions, how juvenile!"

"Besides which, like most pureblood families we actually share ancestors."

"Far off ancestors but ancestors nonetheless, but I don't see you giving Malfoy credit because of his amazing aunt Nymphadora Tonks."

"Exactly. Or giving Rose crap for Bellatrix Lestrange, her cousin a few times removed."

"How small minded of you!"

"Good day sir!"

They left the man there flustered and confused and as soon as they were far enough, burst into laughter.

"Oh that was amazing."

"Did you see his face? He looked so stupid!"

"I know, I've seen fishes that didn't look so dazed."

The laughter continued for a long long time and finally they stopped, wiping tears of joy and held each others' eyes.

"Thanks for that." Scorpius said, surprisingly quiet.

"Oh please, correcting people is my favourite thing to do and that man was very wrong."

He shot her a smile, small and grateful and for a moment Rose could almost see what his fangirls saw in him. That little smirk he seemed to have tattooed onto his face was annoying but this genuine little quirk of lips was adorable. As was the way he was ducking his head as if unsure of where they stood now.

"We make a good team."

"Yeah we do." It was an odd thing to note but they really did work well together. When they spoke like that, perfectly cued and in tandem, it was fun. Rose wasn't a stranger to fun but she was a stranger to fun with Scorpius.

But then the impish smirk returned and she saw that Albus had reappeared from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes with an armful of bright pink supplies that he should have been confiscating instead (he was really a terrible prefect, and that coming form Rose who had been awarded detention one week into the school year!) and Scorpius rushed forward. Suddenly everything was back to normal.

"Albus, mate, where have you been, I've been stuck with Rosius here for ages."

"I was gone ten minutes." Albus said as Elise took her bags from him.

"And I've aged a year for every second, all the talk about homework, it was like I was in Binns' class." Scorpius whined but instead of responding like she usually did, Rose stayed quiet.

This was her cue to begin Operations SMEAR!

They had for a moment shared a rapport, she could go with that. Yes, it would be perfect, she would say that she had seen something in him in that moment which had left her smitten and it would work wonderfully. Now all she had to do was wait for the perfect time.

The perfect time, came two day later when she was studying in the library.

He poked her. "Hey Rosius."

She ignored him completely focusing on her notes. And then he poked her again.

"Rosius."

Her grip on the quill tightened a bit but she continued writing. He poked her again

"Roooooosius."

Another poke.

"Rosius, Oh Rosius, wherefore art thou Rosius."

Rose wanted to commend him on being up on his knowledge of muggle literature but that would mean acknowledging him so she continued. And it was followed by yet another taunt.

"Rosius Weaslius, why won't you answer us?"

Poke.

"Rosius." And finally she relented.

"What?"

"Nothing just wanted to see your face." He teased and sniggered immediately.

Rose willed herself to calm down and thought of the plan. She calmed down and thought of a way to make herself swoon and as if on cue her mind replayed that moment near the Shrieking Shack when he'd smiled at her and instead of the angry roar that she usually let out she sighed. It was a soft, feminine, dainty sound and Scorpius looked at her in concern.

"Rose are you alright?" He said, sounding properly worried and it allowed for her to act easily.

"I'm more than alright," She said breathily and looked him in the eye and bit her lip, "I'm great."

"What's going on?" He sounded terrified and inwardly she smirked even as she leaned forward, closer to him before ducking her head, shy.

"Well it's just...before at Hogsmeade, I saw something in you that I liked and I guess I..." She trailed off deliberately looking up at him through her eyelashes heaving a breath. "I think I might fancy you."

"You-Bu-I-Nghhh." Scorpius flailed and looked around seemingly for an answer by the Gods but found none. Albus who had been sitting across from Rose and him was simply staring agape and had no answer to give him. "I think I need to go...do my homework or something, I'll see you later Al." He flailed and spluttered as she smiled sweetly at him wavign ehr fingers girlishly and began he gathering what little supplies he had out.

"See you Scorpius!" Rose said excitedly and with one last shocked glance and garbled syllables tumbling out his mouth, Scorpius ran out of the library.

This, Rose realised giddily, was the best plan ever.

* * *

_Weasley,_

_My ponce of a son just owled me asking me what I've hexed your daughter with. Apparently she's been acting like she's taken a love potion and for some reason Scorpius thinks it's my doing but I haven't given her anything at all. Please tell my son that I would never hurt Rose in any way._

_Draco Malfoy_

_P.S. Is there any truth to this? Should I prepare for a Rose-Scorpius wedding? That girl will do wonders to our reputation, the older families have been cribbing about how the Malfoys have gone soft for ages now. One threat from Rose and they'll be shutting right up._

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_Even your son thinks you're an evil git. I'll write to him and tell him it wasn't you._

_Ron Weasley_

_P.S. No, Rose just thinks she has a better chance of getting Scorpius off her back if she acts like she's in love with him. And stop fangirling over my daughter! My mother wasn't even this excited when Harry and Ginny announced their wedding and let me tell you, I still haven't heard the end of that 'He's going to be family!' shtick._

* * *

_Weasley,_

_I notice you haven't told me to stop planning a Scorpius and Rose wedding._

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_We all figure once Scorpius notices he's been pulling her pigtails for ages and gets his hormones it won't be long before he starts actively pursuing Rose. And the only thing that gets Rose excited except for homework and books is Scorpius so it's bound to happen really._

_Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_Care to make a bet?_

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_Your wife's the bookkeeper for all bets regarding Scorose. Don't ask about the Scorose thing, it's a muggle thing that started with Brangelina. Don't ask about Brangelina, it's a muggle thing everyone is better off not knowing._

_Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_I asked my wife about Brangelina. Your warning was well founded. I apologise for ignoring it._

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_WAS THAT AN APOLOGY?!_

_Weasley_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_THAT WAS AN APOLOGY WASN'T IT?!_

_Weasley_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_I can't believe a Malfoy apologised to me!_

_Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_Shut your gob._

_Malfoy_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: And Rosius Weaslius is becoming a proper terror now. Thanks to Guest, nobodysperfect2133,DramaticFanaticPrincess and Sadynotred for reviewing, reading your kind words had me giggling like an idiot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the wizarding world although ruling it would be lovely.**

* * *

"Rose is it true?!" Lily said, almost tripping over her own two feet as she rushed up to her cousin who was sitting at the Ravenclaw table calmly putting the finishing touches on her Potions essay. James and Fred, who were following her, snickered but turned serious again when Rose turned away from her homework to look at them.

"Is what true?"

"We've been hearing some disturbing things." James said and Fred nodded.

"Things that are very disturbing."

"They have left us disturbed."

"We do not like being disturbed."

Rose blinked. "And yet you seem to have no problems disturbing me."

"Do you really fancy Scorpius?!" Lily said excitedly.

"What?"

"Alison said she saw you fawn over Malfoy in the library just an hour ago, the whole castle's been buzzing about it!"

Rose looked around and found that every student was indeed sneaking shocked glances at her and whispering, desperately trying to listen to what she would say to Lily.

She had a choice, she could choose her reputation or her grades and her prefect badge.

It was a very easy choice.

"Yes," She said loudly and the whispers intensified. "I fancy the pants off Scorpius Malfoy!"

Jaws dropped, words flew and even McGonagall, who had only just entered the room only to hear the little whispers of 'Did you see that? Rose Weasley just claimed she loves Scorpius Malfoy!', was left flabbergasted.

"Miss Weasley!" She said sternly walking up to Rose only to stop when she realised she couldn't very well punish a student for fancying someone.

"Yes Professor McGonagall?"

"I-uh. Hmm, carry on." With one last confused glance McGonagall left.

"That was weird." Rose remarked but with a shrug she went back to doing her homework.

"_That_ was weird?! You just said you fancy Scorpius!"

"So?"

"So? So?! So I had twenty galleons on you not realising until the Seventh year, this is ridiculous! I'm going to lose all my money!" Lily despaired and Rose screwed up her face wondering if she should bring Lily in on her plan.

On one hand Lily was a blabbermouth and once she found out the whole family would find out and then Uncle Neville would find out and Aunt Luna and eventually the entire Wizarding world. On the other hand, her father was more of a blabbermouth than Lily and besides that there was the question of the bets. She couldn't have money exchanging hands, not when she had yet to inform the bookkeeper that she was placing her odds on Scorpius and her never getting together.

"Lily," Rose gestured for her family to lean in closer. "I don't really fancy him. I just said it to get him off my back so I can focus on OWLs this year."

"Well that's a relief!"Lily sighed and leaned back while James and Fred looked at one another.

"So you don't like Scorpius." James said looming over her but she was unaffected.

"Nope."

"And you're just scaring him away?" Fred added.

"Yep."

"Rosie!" James said while Fred shook his head. "I can't believe you didn't let us in on this genius plan."

"We are offended."

"The Shrieking Shack thing helped didn't it." Elise added, appearing form nowhere, as was her usual way.

"You were right."

"Wait you knew about this?" Fred and James did a double take.

Elise smiled mysteriously. "I know everything."

"Oh yeah, do you know who's going to win the Quidditch League and what the score's going to be?" The two leaned in threateningly. Elise quirked an eyebrow and they leaned back in fear.

"Yes, yes I do."

"Well then which team is it?"

"What, did you think I would tell you?" James and Fred nodded and she laughed. "And miss out on you losing your savings by making terrible bets? No way."

"You're mean."

"Yes, I am. And..._I know what you did last summer_." She said threateningly and the two paled and ran off. Lily was puzzled.

"What did they do last summer?"

"No clue but I highly doubt a single day goes by without them doing something stupid." Elise shook her head and taking the change of subject as her cue Rose began to edit her essay again. "And none of you even got the joke. It would have killed in Muggle studies. It's just sad that wizards don't get my amazing references."

"Scorpius is here!" Lily said and shushed them all, watching Rose carefully.

Scorpius threw careful gauging glances at the Ravenclaw table but Rose was oblivious to it all. The whole Great Hall was quiet, people holding their breath to see what she would do but her attention was firmly on the parchment in front of her.

Elise sighed and grinned, turning to Rose and spoke softly. "Rose, Scorpius is here, you have to keep up the act or he'll think it was a one off and be back to troubling you."

With a start Rose looked up, wide eyed, and searched the Slytherin table eventually finding Scorpius. She stared at him like an owl not even blinking once and without moving her lips she said softly, "What do I do?"

"Remember the time you were over at my place and my brother walked in on you changing?" Rose coloured quickly, turning a bright shade of magenta at the mention of that incident, exactly as intended. "Good, now smile and wave at him just a bit then look down again, act shy."

Rose followed the instructions to the t and it had the desired effect as everyone began talking again while Scorpius hid behind Albus and the whispers were renewed.

"_Oh my God, did you see that!"_

"_It's true!"_

"_She really does fancy him!"_

"_He's way out of her league."_

The last statement by Harriet earned her a glare from Lily and Elise. Rose was still staring at Scorpius although the sides of her mouth were trembling form forcing herself to smile so much.

"How much longer do I have to do this?"

As if having heard her prayers, Scorpius gathered his bag and ran out of the room not before throwing one last concerned look at her.

"Wait, keep your eyes on him until he leaves and when he's gone sigh and stop smiling." Lily said softly and Rose did exactly that.

"Whew, finally! I thought my mouth was going to break!" Rose said.

"We'll have to do better though." Elise mused.

"What?!" Rose wasn't happy at the thought of doing more. The whole point of this was to get as much time away from Scorpius as possible, if she spent all her time chasing him like his fangirls then that defeated the purpose of Operation SMEAR.

"Well the first few times at least, after that he'll be running away from you no matter what." Lily agreed.

"So Rose, how do you feel about terrifying Scorpius Malfoy?" Elise asked.

Rose grinned. She was totally okay with that.

* * *

Minerva Mcgonagall watched from the teacher's table as the Rose Weasley, Lily Potter and Elise Ibbotson grinned and began laughing unpleasantly. She was reminded of the three witches from the muggle play her father would read to her and girded herself for the inevitable chaos that would follow.

Still, she thought and brightened, at least it wasn't entirely her problem. As head of the Ravenclaw house this was mainly for Flitwick to deal with. 'Hurray for quiet Gryffindors', she thought only to flinch as an explosion rocked through the castle and a sooty James Potter and Fred Weasley stepped in looking rather dazed.

She had spoken too soon.

* * *

Scorpius Malfoy was in big trouble. Big, big trouble. He sank into the big comfy chair in the middle of the Slytherin Common Room in front of Albus and nearly wept.

"You alright Scor?" Albus asked.

"Al, mate, your cousin's going to kill me."

Albus, that sodding git simply smiled. "Oh no no, the problem my dear boy, is that she distinctly does not want to kill you anymore."

It was true, Rose Weasley didn't want to kill him anymore. Instead she wanted to _snog_ him!

Scorpius never thought a day would come when Rose didn't want to strangle him. The threat that his father had heard that had made him such a big fan? That was one of the milder ones that Rose had come up with. He had gotten used Rose turning red and threatening him, a Rose who wasn't angry at him was like an Albus who wasn't his bets mate, it simply didn't happen. But then it did.

Only an hour ago Rose had popped out from behind a suit of armour, much like he had done to her after her patrols a few weeks ago. Unlike him though she had simply rested her chin on the shoulder of the armour and sighed a little 'Hiiii Scorpius!' that had sent him into paroxysms of terror

It was terrifying. To think of Rose Weasley as his fangirl, ugh, nothing could be scarier.

And it wasn't just that she was being a hormonal girl but that Scorpius missed her. He missed teasing her and watching her turn red, he missed her scrunch up her face and glare at him, he even missed all the complex hexes she would throw at him. He would give anything to have her hex him so that every time he said something it was accompanied by those flashy muggle hand movements that Albus called jazz hands, she hadn't done that to him in ages. This was ridiculous. He was even thinking of asking Albus' Dad for advice.

Admittedly he had been thinking of doing that for ages now but he just didn't want to make Mr Potter think lesser of him just because he couldn't handle a few fangirls. Albus had told him time and again that Harry Potter had been right scared of his fans back in school but Scorpius found it hard to believe. He'd saved the whole wizarding world, faced Voldemort again and again, saved Scorpius' dad even, it was hard to think of the Chosen One, the Saviour as being scared of teenage girls.

"Umm Scorpius?" Louis Curke, his fellow mate started hesitantly. "I think you should know that...Callie told me something that's a bit..."

"Spit it out mate." Albus egged him on. If Louis heard it from Callie, his fifth year Ravenclaw girlfriend then it was probably related to Rose and Scorpius sunk into his armchair further not looking forward to what he would be hearing.

"Callie said that a few days ago when she came back to the girls' dorm, Elise and Rose were talking and she heard your name so she tried to eavesdrop, you know, just in case Rose was planning on hexing you. She didn't think much of it until now."

"And?"

"They stopped talking when they noticed her but she heard Rose say something about a Polyjuice potion and the dungeons." Louis looked around nervously as if expecting Rose to be there with her wand ready. "I just thought you should keep an eye out." He said and left.

There was screaming in Scorpius' head. High pitched terrified screaming that actually sounded a lot like his father had when a ferret baby had been found on Manor grounds.

It looked like he would have to write to Albus' dad after all.

* * *

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_I am not sure if Albus has mentioned it to you but I have a group of fangirls in school. They follow me around and titter constantly and I am ashamed to say that I'm rather afraid of them_

_Since Albus said that you had experienced similar things during your stay at Hogwarts, I wondered if you had any piece of advice for me._

_Respectfully yours,_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_Blimey, that's still happening? No need to be ashamed my dear boy, I reckon if they wanted to they'd give Voldemort a run for his money. In fact I'm rather glad they didn't._

_Harry Potter_

* * *

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_I noticed you gave no advice._

_Respectfully yours,_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_Haven't got any to give._

_Harry Potter_

* * *

_Mr Potter,_

_None at all? How did you deal with yours?_

_Terrifiedly yours,_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_You just wait it out and hope that you save the world and won't have to return to Hogwarts for your final year because you're busy figuring out how to destroy Voldemort. Don't think that'll happen in your case though. I don't have any advice I'm afraid._

_Still I have recently found a muggle phrasing that might aptly describe your situation and make you happy to know that many others commiserate with your situation. You'll have to pardon the language though.  
_

_'Bitches be crazy'_

_Sorry I couldn't be much help lad._

_Harry Potter_

* * *

_Mr Potter,_

_If I were to inform you that your niece, Rose Weasley has joined those ranks, would you have any piece of advice?_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_If Hermione was anything to go by I'd say watch out for birds. And best of luck Scorpius, you will need it in spades._

_Might want to invest in some Felix Felicis._

_Harry Potter_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_What's this I hear about Rosie being violently in love with Scor? The poor boy is near tears, he even wrote to _me_ for advice. I told him to watch out for birds but maybe you have something to tell him?_

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Rose is scaring him so she won't have to worry about his pranks distracting her from her grades, tell Scorpius he'll just have to ride it out. And Rose prefers to use violent flowers with giant thorns instead of birds._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_Have I ever told you you're all bat shit crazy?_

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Have you ever wanted to experience the Avis charm firsthand?_

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_Crazy in an extremely loveable way of course._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_I thought so._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Hermione is terrifying._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_You think?_

_Ron_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Establishing the parental craziness. In my little world, Hermione went nuts in her Seventh year at Hogwarts because Ron and Harry weren't there to stop her from studying non stop and NEWT stress, Harry and Ron went nuts from wayyyy too much freedom because Hermione wasn't there to calm them down, Draco got paranoid because of the many death threats and lost his mind (the most sanely insane person in the bunch really) and Astoria, well she married Draco, she's bound to be a little bit cuckoo.**

**And thanks to Min0rDeatils and ****nobodysperfect2133** for reviewing, you guys are awesome!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

_Five years ago_

Astoria Malfoy was not an emotional person. Or one prone to displays of affection in public. But as her only son rode away on the train to Hogwarts she was tearing up something fierce. She stood there for as long as she could, waiting until the last plume of smoke was nowhere to be seen while her husband went away to fetch the car.

(Malfoys didn't like Muggle things but Draco was a _brilliant_ driver.)

"They grow up so fast don't they?" A voice said and she turned to see the owner. There weren't a lot of people who would willingly talk to a Malfoy but leave it up to Hermione Weasley to do exactly that.

The female member of the Golden Trio was just as bright eyed as Astoria and they shared a knowing glance.

"Feels like just yesterday he was hiding behind my skirt."

"Or she'd finally stopped lisping and begun singing tongue twisters all day long."

"Or when he'd refuse to wear clothes and leave a trail of robes behind him."

"Or when she'd been ridiculously proud of losing her first milk tooth."

They sighed and unison and began laughing at themselves.

"I'm Hermione."

"I know, I'm Astoria."

"I know."

"It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." Hermione and Astoria began walking off the platform together. "You know we should probably meet more often."

"Oh?"

"Yes. You see my idiot husband told my daughter to beat Scorpius at all subjects and to not get too close because his Dad wouldn't forgive her if she married a pureblood."

"I don't see...?"

"Well he's forbidden her from marrying him. We're obviously going to be in-laws one day." They laughed in unison and reserved Astoria Malfoy was actually wiping tears from her.

"If you laugh that much I'm going to think you have something against my Rosie." Hermione joked.

"I'm sorry I'm just imagining my husband's reaction if that were true."

"And my husband's."

"And my in laws."

"And _my_ in laws."

"Is it weird that I hope they get together just to piss off Lucius?"

"You have no idea how appealing that sounds to me."

"Fourth year?"

"That early? I say Sixth. If it happens by fourth year it'll only be on Scorpius' side, Rosie has my attention to studies and Ron's utter obliviousness."

"True and Scorpius is quite a quiet child. I think it'll get better when he gets ot Hogwarts but oh then he'll probably spend the next few years adjusting to it."

"Fifth?"

"I don't know, now that I think about it maybe it'll be the seventh year, the finality of it all might push them."

"Possible."

"Care to make a bet on it?"

Hermione groaned. "Oh god no. Not again." She sighed and began explaining upon seeing Astoria's questioning look. "Well you see without the dark wizard threatening us all and having finished all the books in the Hogwarts library in my seventh year I got a bit...antsy and went crazy with the bets. Not enough to cause financial harm or anything, we don't even bet money most of the times but my dignity has suffered quite a bit."

She remembered the one terrible bet she had lost about anyone being willing to marry Draco. It had ended up with her wearing the ugliest dress Ginny could find at Harry's wedding to Ron's little sister. It had been big, poufy, had a million neon colours on it and pleats and ruffles and shoulder pads _and_ a hoop skirt. She had been the centre of attention by a mile and Ginny had been too busy laughing at her to even care. Hermione shuddered lost in the memories when a tug on her jacket alerted her to Hugo who was standing there impatiently wanting to go.

"Muuum, Dad says he got the car already."

"Hi there." Astoria said brightly and Hugo who finally noticed her standing there turned a bright red and began stuttering.

"H-h-h-hi."

"What's your name?"

"My name? What's my name, Mum what's my name?!"

Hermione barley concealed her laughter and even then turned away from Hugo to smile a bit. Hugo didn't even notice his eyes firmly fixed on Astoria. "Hugo, your name is Hugo."

"Well that's a lovely name."

"H-h-h-h-hi!"

Astoria and Hermione exchanged knowing looks and grinned.

"Well we should probably get going."

"Me too but owl me, would you? "

"Oh I will we have to keep a ledger for the bets." Hermione sighed. "Now that the war is over...we have to get our thrills somewhere right."

"At least you'll have Hugo here for a year more, without Scorpius the Manor's going to seem very empty." Astoria's face fell and Hermione hesitated before shaking it off and steaming ahead.

"Do you want to meet up at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow?"

"Yes!"

Hermione was taken aback. She had expected some beating around the bush before accepting not this utter delight. But then she had been to the manor as well, under different circumstances of course but still. It was pretty but there was the distinct feeling of hauntedness to it. No wonder Astoria was so eager to get out of there.

"Alright then see you at around two?"

"Perfect."

"Bye then."

"Bye!"

The two parted with Hugo looking over his shoulder every two seconds. When finally Astoria was out of sight he sighed.

"I'm going to marry her one day." He said, resolute.

"Who?"

"Astoria."

"That's Mrs Malfoy to you Hugo."

"Not for long."

"Hugo! You did not just imply that you were going to break up a marriage!"

"I didn't imply anything." He said and Hermione sighed in relief. "I actually _said_ it."

And the relief was gone.

* * *

"Malfoy."

"Weasley."

They both glared at each other over their cars. Malfoy's was a beautiful white Maserati Quattroporte while Ron stood next to a classic Mini Cooper with the red and white stripes.

Malfoy was annoyed. Very annoyed.

For years he had wanted a one of those little rally cars that drove like a dream but his father had deemed it to be too pedestrian and small and not nearly luxurious enough for a Malfoy and he'd settled for the expensive car he was driving. And then the Weasel turned up in his dream car, it was just so frustrating. Damned Weasel.

"I saw your son today. Looks just like you. Let's hope he doesn't get turned into a ferret as well."

Draco knew that wouldn't happen. For all that Scorpius looked just like him he was a ridiculously happy child who was nicer than any of the Weasley bunch probably were. It had given Lucius convulsions that, while fun to watch, also led to many boring lectures about how he was raising his son to be too weak.

It was ridiculous really, but there was no way Draco could tell his father that Astoria would murder him in his sleep if he tried to fill Scorpius' head with anti-muggleborn thoughts without coming off as weak and foppish himself. Besides it just seemed strange to say 'Oh yes I was personally saved by a muggleborn, a half blood and a pureblood in love with the muggleborn but all of that means nothing because they aren't pure wizards'. Draco was cold hearted, unfeeling, an utter bastard but he wasn't a _hypocrite_.

(Well, not anymore.)

But really would it kill Scorpius not to grin constantly and make friends everywhere? What the hell was he so happy about anyway, Draco certainly hadn't been that cheery when he was a kid. And he didn't have to deal with half of the dirty looks that Scorpius got either.

"I saw your baby Weaselette get on the train with him. She better not get her germs on him." He sneered and Ron turned as red as the beautiful car he owned.

But really, didn't muggles have the strangest germs? He remembered that one time he had accidentally stumbled into a muggle playing ground when he was a young child himself, one of the girls had gone everywhere screaming that a little boy had 'cooties'. Draco didn't know what cooties were but they sounded terrifying. What if the Weasley girl gave his son her cooties?!

"Your daughter better stay away from my son."

"Why? Afraid he'll get cooties?" Ron sneered and Draco's face blanked out while he screamed internally.

So the little Weaselette did have cooties!

What if her father had them too? What if by standing there talking to him, the Weasel was transferring his cooties to him?!

As quick as he could Draco ignored Ron and got into the car, driving off to the gate where Astoria was meeting him and stared at the little red car in his rear view mirror, forlorn.

It really was a very pretty car, that Mini Cooper.

* * *

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Albus is in Slytherin! SLYTHERIN! Dad you said it was the house of evil does that mean Albus is evil?!_

_Rose_

* * *

_Rosie,_

_Don't listen to your Dad, Slytherins are ambitious. There are a lot of Death Eaters associated with the house, yes, but that may simply have been because Voldemort found it easier to recruit form his own house, nothing else._

_Mum_

* * *

_Rosie,_

_What?! Albus, a Slytherin?! That's mind blowing! I wonder what Harry has to say about that._

_Dad_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Mate what's this I hear about Albus being sorted into Slytherin? I thought that hat takes what we want into consideration, why'd it put him in Slytherin?_

_Ron_

* * *

_Mum and Dad,_

_I LOVE HOGWARTS! Dad you never told me how awesome the dungeons are, we've been having a ton of fun here! It looks like a shipwreck so we've been pretending to drown when moving from one bed to the other, the floor is the ocean. Epic!_

_I know you wanted me to follow in your footsteps and become a Gryffindor but I met Scorpius on the train and he said he wanted to be in Slytherin but he was scared of being alone so I asked the Hat to put me there. Thank Merlin I know that the Sorting Hat takes our wishes into consideration because it was actually thinking of putting me in Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff!_

_But you really shouldn't be surprised by this, you did name me after a Slytherin house Master after all and that Dumbledore chap sure sounds like he would have fit in here too. That'll teach you to name me Albus Severus, ha!_

_Gotta go, Basil thinks Scorpius has a spell cats on him that makes him drown he doesn't know about our game and is freaking out, it is the funniest thing ever!_

_Albus Severus Potter_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Yeah I just read Albus' letter he told me he's in Slytherin._

_Still in shock_

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Slytherin!_

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_It gets better, he's apparently decided he's best mates with Scorpius Malfoy._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_WHAT?!_

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_But it's okay, it could be worse._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_How could it possibly be worse?_

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Apparently the sorting hat was thinking of putting him in Hufflepuff. I should have expected this though, serves me right to name him after Snape._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_I still hate that guy._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_He saved our lives by acting like an asshole._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_But he didn't have to be such an asshole about it._

_Ron_

* * *

_Mum and Dad,_

_I HATE SCORPIUS MALFOY!_

_Rose_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Sweet merciful Merlin, Rosie hates little Malfoy, all is right in the world._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_You lucky bastard._

_Harry_

* * *

_Astoria,_

_My daughter just sent me a letter saying she hates Scorpius. I'm putting thirty galleons on fifth year._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_I thought you said that was too early? I'm still betting on sixth year though._

_Astoria_

* * *

_Astoria,_

_Yes but she hates him, that's super intense and I know she doesn't hate him like I hate Draco because she's still talking to him, when she's really angry she just shuts down, she didn't speak to Fred for two whole months when he baked cookies._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Mione,_

_...Baked cookies?_

_Astoria_

_P.S. You do realise that you said you hated my husband right?_

* * *

_Tori,_

_Well he also failed and started a fire. That he tried to put out with Rose's special blankie._

_Mione_

_P.S. Could be worse, I could have said I loved him._

* * *

_Mione,_

_Gotcha._

_Tori_

_P.S. That would just make me laugh because it would obviously be a joke, Draco isn't easy to love. Trust me, **I know**._

* * *

_Mum and Dad,_

_I'm at Hogwarts! Oh and Dad I got into Slytherin, don't worry, Granddad won't be able to make fun of you anymore. I've got to go, Albus, my new best mate has this thing called a Pygmy Puff that his uncle gave him and it gets drunk off sugar, it's a riot!_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_Oh Merlin no, you'll get cooties!_

_Draco Malfoy_

* * *

_Mum,_

_Dad's being crazy again,_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_How surprising. Not. Well at least you don't have to live with him._

_I'll just let him squirm for a bit, he forgot our anniversary, serves him right._

_Mum_

* * *

_Mum_

_How did he ever get into Slytherin? He's not ambitious or cunning._

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_Your grandfather probably found a way to bribe that hat._

_Mum_

* * *

_Mum,_

_What do you bribe a hat with?_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_A wig maybe? Don't really know but if anyone would find out a way to bribe a hat, it's Lucius Malfoy. Have fun at school darling and don't terrorise Rose too much_

_Mum_

* * *

_Mum,_

_...How do you know I terrorise a girl named Rose._

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_I'm your mother dear, it's one of my special powers._

_Mum_

* * *

_Mum,_

_You scare me._

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_Aww thank you darling._

_Mum_

* * *

**Leave a note!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry about the late update, I had no laptop for the last few days and editing took a while. Thank you lovely Guests for your reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise.**

* * *

Rose sighed and waggled her fingers at Scorpius who was standing a mere five feet away with a giggle and watched as he turned as red as her hair before turning away and turning the five feet into fifteen. After a few reminders from Elise and Lily in the beginning she had gotten quite good at this. Elise's mother was a theatre actress and so she had gotten some excellent tips from her and Lily was Lily which meant having Harry Potter convinced of her non-existent innocence and naiveté. They were both veterans and it was obvious from the minutiae that they had calculated for her.

"Weasley!" A voice said and she turned her head away from Scorpius' retreating back to turn to whoever had called her, only to reel in shock.

To say that Rose was surprise to find herself being ambushed by Harriet Carr in the middle of the hallway was surprising. Harriet had turned her nose up on Rose for many years now but in the last few weeks she had been silent. This silence had begun soon after the incident in the Great Hall where she 'confessed' her adoration for Malfoy and so she assumed that Elise and Lily's threats had worked on her.

Besides which, Scorpius was on the opposite side, wasn't it a prerequisite for all Scorpius Malfoy fangirls to never take their eyes off him? As the president of his fan club Harriet should know that rule better than anyone.

"What is it?"

"I need to talk to you." She said, uncharacteristically grave and Rose turned serious and waved Elise away to talk to her in private.

"Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? Not exactly. I just needed to inform you that your induction ceremony is to be held in the prefect bathroom tomorrow at seven in the evening just before dinner. Bring a bathing suit." She said with great gravity.

"Induction ceremony?" Rose blinked confused. "What am I being inducted into?"

"The Scorpius Malfoy appreciation club of course."

With a toothy smile Harriet flounced off leaving Rose wearing a look not unlike the one Scorpius usually wore when he saw her fawning over him. And that was how Elise found her, in a state of utter shock and revulsion.

"Oh my Goddesses, did Harriet curse you? I'm going to kick her arse, how dare she-"

"She didn't curse me."

"Oh good."

"It's worse. She invited me to join the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club."

"Oh," Elise said and then burst into loud laughter. "Oh that is hilarious! I need to tell Lily and you'll have to make sure to attend every meeting and tell us all about it. Oh my God what if hand out chocolate frogs with Scorpius Malfoy fact cards or something ridiculously stupid like that?!"

"Apparently there's an induction ceremony tomorrow at the Prefects bathroom. I have to bring a bathing suit."

"Well, look on the bright side, when you're an official fangirl you won't have to scare Scorpius any more, he'll be the one to run away from you."

Rose brightened and smiled. "That's true."

For once in her life Rose was glad for Harriet's existence.

But seriously what the hell did she need a bathing suit for?

* * *

The Prefect Bathroom, while open only to the use of Prefects, Quidditch Captains and the heads, wasn't actually used by them that often. A lot of it had to do with the fact that between assignments, preparing for OWLs and prefect duty they simply didn't find the time to do so. But for the most part it was because Moaning Myrtle haunted that place and she scared the boys away by watching them carefully while the girls were turned off by her splashing around and general haughtiness. Then there was the fact that the password always got leaked and the whole school was in on it.

Consequently it made perfect sense that this was where her induction ceremony was to be held, Rose thought as she hesitantly stood outside the door, if anyone could handle Moaning Myrtle's bitchiness it was Harriet and her cronies.

After a great deal of dilly-dallying she finally spoke the password (Musk Delight) and entered the room. The lights were dim, the stained glass mermaid was feigning sleep but watching with one eye half open and Myrtle, oddly enough, stood right next to Harriet with a sense of decorum to her along with the rest of the members.

"Rose, I don't believe you've met Myrtle, she's our senior member and one of the co-founders of the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club." Harriet said with a wicked smile and Rose's eyes widened before she shrugged it off.

She'd heard enough stories about the strange ghost from her Dad and her Mum, not to mention Uncle Harry to feel like she knew her already. And it didn't really surprise her that she adored Scorpius, Uncle Harry had told her that she'd been utterly smitten by Draco.

"Hi, I'm Rose Weasley."

"Oh I know all about you." Myrtle giggled in a high pitched tone. "Scorpius talks about you, you know?" Myrtle said in a matter of fact tone that raised the others' hackles.

"...He does?" Rose said sceptically before clearing her throat and putting on her most happy, smitten voice. "He does?!" She repeated and inwardly cringed at her squeaky voice. She was alarmed when Myrtle's smile grew wider though and resolved to figure out exactly what Myrtle had overheard.

"Rose Weasley, are you ready for the ceremony to begin?"

"Umm, sure but why did I need to bring a bathing suit?"

Harriet smiled a slow maniacal grin.

"You must be baptised of course. Why don't you go change into your bathing suit while we prepare for the ritual?" She waved a hand at the changing room off to the side and Rose left to do so.

When she returned it was to a giant bath filled with green bubbles, flickering candles floating above them, dimmed slightly and all the girls dressed up in Slytherin robes with their hoods up.

"Where did you guys get th-"

"Silence!" Harriet said harshly and Rose shut up. They led her to the tub and pushed her in ignoring her protests but being in the same family as James and Fred meant being used to random dunkings. Only last month they had modified a spell that Uncle George had told them about to create a pool in the middle of the hallways in the Burrow and pushed her, Lily and Hugo into it. Albus being the Slytherin that he was, had snuck up on the two while they were laughing wildly and pushed them in as well. Consequently, while surprised, Rose was otherwise unhindered and with a simple roll of her eyes she resurfaced. Harriet bent down to the side of the bath along with the others who also knelt.

Combined with the dim lights and the hoods they had on, it looked eerily like a scene in one of those faux-documentaries that her mother liked watching about cults. Then again this probably was a cult. The cult that worshipped Scorpius Malfoy. A shudder went through her at the thought.

The bubbles totally ruined the creepy atmosphere they were going for though.

"Repeat after me," Harriet began after performing a simply sonorous charm on herself. "I, Rose Weasley,"

"I, Rose Weasley,"

Harriet reached out and dunked her head before pulling her back up again, spluttering wildly.

"Am a fully fledged Scorpion."

"Am a fully fledge Scorpio- Wait I thought the information pamphlet said we were called Jills?"

"There's a patent pending on the Jills thing." Another girl explained.

"If you interrupt the pledge again, we shall have to start from the beginning." Harriet threatened.

"Am a fully fledged Scorpion." Rose said quickly.

Another dunking.

"As a Scorpion I pledge to adore the beautiful Scorpius Malfoy,"

"As a Scorpion I pledge to adore the,"Here she paused and only a death glare from Harriet persuaded her to carry on, "beautiful Scorpius Malfoy,"

This time she was well prepared for the hit of water and held her breath well.

"To cheer for Scorpius and his amazing Beater skills at every match,"

"To cheer for Scorpius and his amazing Beater skills at every match,"

She wondered how it would affect her induction ceremony if she just swam away while Harriet held her head under water. Of course those long nails were digging into her scalp something fierce so best not find out and just hold her breath.

"To do my best to make sure mushrooms cease to exist,"

This would have confused her if she didn't know that Scorpius hated mushrooms. When she'd found out she'd bribed the Hogwarts house elves to only make mushroom based foods for an entire month.

"To do my best to make sure mushrooms cease to exist,"

It was actually quite nice under the water. The floating candles' dim light gave the bubbles above her head a rather pretty sheen.

"And love Scorpius Malfoy as the world falls down."

"And love Scorpius Malfoy as the world falls down."

The only reason she could get through the last bit was because she was a Bowie fan and it reminded her of one of his song. Still it did feel like she was betraying him by saying his lyrics while pledging her love (blech!) to Scorpius.

"Welcome sister Weasley to the Scorpius Malfoy appreciation club." Harriet said ceremoniously.

"You have to attend the meeting next Friday. Well if you're a _real_ Scorpius fangirl that is." Myrtle added in a tone that unnerved Rose before floating up. "Well I'm off to haunt the other bathrooms. See you later Rosius." She said conspiratorially and dove down into the tub never to resurface.

* * *

"You'll have to attend the meeting and find out what Myrtle knows about you." Elsie instructed.

"This sounds fishy." Lily agreed.

"Plus this sounds hilarious and we want to know more."

"Then why don't you guys join the fan club?" Rose protested

Elise snorted. "Because we're not crazy enough to act like we're in love with Scorpius." Rose wished she could deny that but she couldn't. It was crazy. _She_ was crazy

"Duh."

"The things I do for my grades." Rose groaned.

* * *

The meeting took place in the first floor girls' lavatory. It had been abandoned a long time ago and consequently the club had taken certain liberties to make it better for them. The walls between the individual toilets had been broke down and a large table set between the two rows. Myrtle's commode had been left as it was but the others had been refurbished with plush covers that were spelled to match Scorpius' hair colour. That day it was purple as it must have been for the last two weeks, Rose realised. Harriet sat at the head of the table on one side, her chair a large, wicked looking armchair.

"I got the perfect shot today just as he was leaving for Quidditch Practice!" One of the fangirl proclaimed excitedly putting a slide into the projector and dimming the lights and a dreamy sigh rose from the audience as the shot was blown up onto the white tile in front of them. There stood Scorpius Malfoy in Quidditch gear and a beater's bat loosely attached to his belt. The fangirl hadn't been lying when she said it was a perfect shot, he was staring right at the camera with that terrified expression, hand tensing at his side in a manner that had his veins popping all along his arms in a most amusing way. But the most important part of the picture was the sight of his currently purple mohawk tousled into curls that fell into his eyes.

Again, the gathering sighed.

"Look at that colour, it's just perfect!"

"And so cool and rebellious, not at all like the weird gelled look his dad wears."

One single girl in the group twitched. It was lucky for her that the lights had been turned off so they might properly immerse themselves in Malfoy's perfection, the fan club was renowned for being notoriously loyal to Scorpius and her twitch would have gotten the Rose instantly labelled a traitor and thrown out of the club unceremoniously.

When the lights came back on, Rose blinked a couple of times to adjust to the sudden brightness and Harriet struck the gavel she had at her side thrice to regain order.

"So that ends the visual part of our Scorpius Malfoy hair appreciation session. Would anyone like to contribute any other things in praise of The Malfoy Heir?"

Many hands went up into the air and Harriet chose at random. Rose, who was still just hoping they'd get to the point she'd been waiting for, was treated instead to a recitation of poetry simply titled 'An ode to the steel eyes'.

When in the poem, the fangirl chose to rhyme hair with bear the redhead flinched. _This_ was poetry?! She'd heard better stuff about the lint on her Uncle Harry's shirt (no really, reading of fan mail was a vital part of their Christmas celebrations)! This time she wasn't so lucky. The leader who had already been feeling suspicious of this new addition to their club who had only a few weeks ago, been throwing death glares at Scorpius left and right, noticed her flinch and called attention to her.

"Rose Weasley." She said authoritatively and all at once twenty pairs of eyes swivelled to face the redhead. "Maybe you have something to share, we do need ideas to go wider on the Scorpius Malfoy awareness program."

Rose laughed nervously before taking to the podium thinking quick on her feet. She went to a place in her mind that no one knew of, one she had taken care to hide from everyone in her family, especially since her mother had decided to take up Leglimency. It was the corner labelled 'What would Uncle Harry do'. He would undoubtedly face the club, tousle his hair nervously and say something sweet and nice and sincere. He would definitely not get them all very angry by blatantly talking of how all the Malfoys sucked and had a stick up their asses so far they belonged on a barbeque not on the School Board like her father might have said.

She cleared her throat before looking out at the audience of Scorpius Malfoy fangirls aka Jills (A term used for female ferrets as she had found out from her information pamphlet at her induction ceremony) and cleared her throat.

"Maybe we can hand out chocolate frogs but with facts about Scorpius on them instead of the usual cards?" She suggested remembering what Elise had said earlier.

A murmur arose in the room as the girls looked to each other and began talking, generally in favour of the idea.

"That could work." Clarissa said and begrudgingly Harriet allowed it to be passed. After a vote it was accepted and with a few more revolting poems read out the meeting concluded but Rose lingered.

"Umm Myrtle?" She asked the ghost who looked down her transparent glasses at her. "What exactly did Scorpius say about me?"

Myrtle grinned. "He just said he missed terrorising you. And now the tables have turned and you're the one terrorising him instead." She giggled in a high pitched tone that would have sent Rose reeling a few years ago. But her Muggle grandparents who had decided they rather liked Australia after all had begun a ranch over there and the pigs they raised made noises much worse than that.

"That's all? He didn't say anything else?"

"Oh do you mean to ask if he knows that you're just pretending to get him off your back?" Myrtle said slyly and Rose blanched.

"You know about that too?"

"Hugo talks a lot in the prefect's bathroom." She giggled and sighed dreamily. "And he doesn't like to use any bubbles either."

"Oh? Ohhh!" Rose realised a bit late that Myrtle was perving on her baby brother and almost gagged. Still that must be terrible for her, she thought, to die a virgin and be called Moaning Myrtle. Not to mention dying _without giving OWLs or NEWTs_. The very thought left a bad taste in Rose's mouth.

She looked at Myrtle and wondered what it was about Scorpius exactly that appealed to these girls so much about.

"Why do you like him so much? Scorpius? I mean I don't exactly hate the guy but I just don't see it you know."

"Well," Myrtle began, "I think it's very brave the way he acts. I knew Draco you see and he was always so scared to disappoint his father, so afraid of standing out or being anything but the perfect Slytherin. Scorpius doesn't care about any of that. He gets called Death Eater and he laughs it off even when it hurts him and he talks Muggle studies with students for ages even though his grandfather is still a pureblood enthusiast. He was bullied when he was young but he made friends like Harry's son and got all better again. For a while I was afraid he'd turn out like Draco."

"But that's not why the other girls like him is it?" Rose said shrewdly.

Myrtle shrugged. "He's pretty and rich."

"Ah. That. Do _you_ really like him so much? That you'd be a co-founder of this club?"

Because for all that Myrtle had just said Draco seemed more her type than Scorpius.

"Well...if it wasn't for me we wouldn't have this meeting place and the girls wouldn't know where to find Scorpius. I can pass through walls and find him easily you see." Myrtle said proudly and suddenly Rose saw more than just that. She saw that Myrtle was lonely and no one ever visited her since Draco passed out of Hogwarts and that the weekly meeting of the fan club was the only time she'd felt like she'd fitted in, in a long time.

And for that Rose felt like she should be a bit kinder to Myrtle. No one should have to pretend to be a Scorpius fangirl no matter who they were.

"Myrtle you haunted the school when my parents went here right?"

"Yes." Myrtle tilted her head, wondering where Rose was going with this.

"So...you got any dirt on them?" Rose said and Myrtle brightened until her murky grey countenance turned so bright it almost hurt to look at her.

"So much."

"Tell me everything."

Matching smirks made their way onto the two girls' faces.

* * *

_Mum_

_I have made a new friend at Hogwarts I think you know her._

_Does the name Myrtle ring any bells?_

_Also, what's this I hear about a Polyjuice potion and cat hair?_

_Rose _

* * *

_Rose,_

_Don't listen to anything she says, she's craaaazy!_

_Mum_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Rosie's become friends with Moaning Myrtle! We have to stop this immediately, what if she tells her about that time in the fifth year behind the statue of Thaddeus Gammelthorpe when we were patrolling?!_

_Hermione_

* * *

_Mione, _

_I told you we should have sent her to Beauxbatons!_

_Ron_

* * *

_Rose,_

_How do you feel about doing your last few years abroad? You could go Beauxbatons or Salem's and learn about magic in the international community, doesn't that sound like a wonderful opportunity? You could even go to Durmstrang's the headmaster is an old friend of mine he'll make an exception to you being a girl._

_Mum_

* * *

_Mum,_

_That does sound interesting but no thanks, I like Hogwarts too much. Besides, Victoire told me about the one year she spent at Beauxbaton's and it sounds ridiculous. I don't want to learn how to sashay and dance with little fairy lights glowing around me thank you very much. And it's hard enough to deal with boys here, I don't want to deal with foreign boys as well._

_On another note, what's this I hear about you and Dad and the statue of Thaddeus Gammelthorpe?_

_Rose_

* * *

_Ron,_

_We're doomed._

_Hermione_

* * *

**I wonder how many of you will recognise the reference to a certain 90's/early 00's Nickelodeon TV show. Leave a note!**_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello readers, how fareth thou? So things happen in this chapter which is surprising given that the motto of this story is 'Plot? What plot? No let's just screw with people's minds for fun, muahahahahahaha!'. Thank you Messrs. RosesAndRavens, royale26,aymar,nobodysperfect and Guest for reviewing, it's like getting a hug from the internet.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter although I did once have a cake with his face on it.**

* * *

Scorpius splayed out on the branch of the tree he was hiding in and sighed happily. It was a beautiful sunny day, he had no more classes and it was a Friday too which meant the weekend was upon them. A series of booming sounds rocked through the Gryffindor tower and shrieks were heard in the air as a cloud of puce coloured air wafted out of it. People could be heard choking and yelling for James and Fred's heads and Scorpius hummed to himself, the grin on his face growing as McGonagall was heard shrieking at the two boys for setting off the Moste Potente Dungbombs while they argued that they had nothing to do with it.

That'd teach them to read the tea leaves and predict that his mother was going to leave his father pretty soon. Sure it had mainly been to wind up Hugo but still, no one got to talk about his parents' marriage like that, no one.

A slight chill at his feet alerted him to the presence of another and he sat up to see Myrtle there on the branch above his.

"Hello Scorpius." She said blinking owlishly and grinned.

"Hello Myrtle. How's the Hogwarts plumbing?"

She shrugged. "Blocked in some places, clear in others."

He was actually quite fond of Myrtle, the two of them usually talked quite civilly. His father had often told him that were it not for Myrtle he would have probably jumped off the astronomy tower and for that Scorpius had always respected her. Consequently while he never visited her outright seeing as how her usual haunts were off limits to him as girls' bathrooms, he didn't avoid her when she came to him either.

"As per usual then?"

"As per usual." She sighed.

"Anything new happened over the week?"

He didn't expect an answer but when she turned to look at him a bit more coy than usual he had the feeling that he wouldn't like her answer to that.

"Well I did stand in as witness to Rose Weasley's induction into the Club."

He flinched.

Rose Weasley had been adopted by his fangirls. It was official.

It was terrifying.

Scorpius had been teasing (not torturing no matter what she had said) Rose for years now ever since he'd taken her copy of Hogwarts: A History out of her hands on their first time aboard the Hogwarts Express and he knew that that girl was not someone to be messed with. When she set her mind to something she really set her mind to it. It was one the reason why he knew very well that no matter what the rest of the castle thought, she did not hate him. Because if she really hated him he would be buried somewhere by now.

She was smart, analytical, brave without being stupid, opinionated without being brash and above all else she was dedicated.

And now she was dedicated to _him_!

Seriously, terrifying.

"That must have been fun." He said through a fake laugh tinged with nervousness.

"It was, Harriet got very annoyed when Rose came up with a good idea for the awareness program."

"Umm, what awareness program?" He asked warily even though he knew the answer already. It was a Scorpius Malfoy fanclub, it was bound to be related to him. But then a frightening thought came to him. This was Rose, she always had good ideas and this was a good idea that Harriet approved of. That could not possibly be good for him. "And what was the idea?"

Myrtle cackled. "You'll have to find out with the rest of the school." She said coyly and zoomed away. Scorpius put an arm around the tree trunk with a sigh. And then began banging his head on it. He stopped soon though, not only because _helloooo, splinters_ but also because he could hear the giggles of Harriet and Clarissa from far off.

He had developed quite a sensitivity to those giggles. They made him want to go back to his mother's womb.

With shaking hands he took his wand out of his pocket and muttered a quiet, "Accio Firebolt."

Within seconds a zooming sound filled the air and he was left with his broomstick in hand.

"There he is!" Harriet screamed pointing at the tree he was in and wasting no time he got onto his Firebolt and flew off, landing in a corridor of the Ravenclaw tower.

From there he ran down to the library knowing well that Madame Pince was the only one who could stop the girls. He managed to duck into the library just as Harriet turned the corner, her eyes fixed on Clarissa with whom she was having an argument and he seized the opportunity and managed to run into the library unseen by her, panting heavily. Madame Pince looked at him with disdain but her eyes softened at the utterly harried look he sported and shaking her head she let him off the hook. He walked through the bookcases, running one hand over their spines, the gesture calming his wild heartbeat down and finally his breath evened out so that he didn't sound like he was dying.

Scorpius walked down in between bookcases but when he saw the inhabitant of a certain table he groaned out aloud, all but collapsing to the floor in distress.

They had found him here as well.

* * *

"Oh no, not again!" Scorpius' voice broke Rose out of her studies induced trance and she looked at him confused. "Why do you keep following me?!" He said distraught and she spluttered, indignant.

"I was here peacefully studying and you come out of nowhere and start yelling, what the hell?!"

Scorpius started to say something and then stopped tilting his head to look at her confused. He wasn't the only one feeling confused, Rose had no idea why he had just begun shouting at the sight of her.

"You're not following me?"

"No!" Rose was insulted until she remembered that she was supposed to be his fangirl. She kept on forgetting that detail. But she just didn't have the patience to pretend right then. She'd already fulfilled her quota of swooning for the week and did not have it in her to restart the facade and frankly, without Elise and Lily there to remind her of it she had quite forgotten how to be a fangirl. "No I'm just studying."

He snorted. "And you expect me to believe that?"

She sighed and pushed the book away for a brief second and looked Scorpius right in the eye.

"I know that this whole me fancying you thing has come out of the blue, I know that I've probably been driving you nuts by following you around and I know that the fact that I'm now officially in your fanclub is a hard thing for you to digest. But let's get one thing clear, no matter what happens, I will never prioritise you over my studies. They come first." She thought back to the little scene he had created in the library where he'd dubbed her Rosius Weaslius and laughed. It was strange but now that he had this tendency to run away from her frightened she could look back on those pranks and laugh at them. Mostly because she missed them in a strange way. "I'm too involved in my 'courtship ritual with Studies' to think about you right now."

"So you really aren't following me?"

"Yes. Look if you're getting so worked up about it why not just go and sit somewhere else there's plenty of space in the library." She swept an arm around her and the two simply stayed there for a good few minutes, staring at one another, his gaze probing, hers impatient to get back to her work. Eventually though he narrowed his eyes and left and with a happy sigh she went back to the Goblin Lexicon she was reading.

* * *

Scorpius wandered the library but kept on returning to that one table. He stood off to the side, leaning against a bookcase with a frown. It made no sense to him that Rose should follow him around and titter every few seconds everywhere else but not here and it confused him.

He took a few moments to calm himself down settled across Rose looking at her curiously.

At the moment, at least, she didn't seem to fancy him. Her eyes were glued onto the book she was taking notes of and he laid his arms flat onto the table and rested his chin on them watching her quietly. He'd done so before but it was usually in anticipation of how her face would change colours when whatever prank he had planned finally panned out. Never like this had he watched her.

Her quill moved across the parchment in an almost frantic pace but her eyes showed utter calm. Sometimes she stopped to read the passage and frowned, flipping through the pages to get to a certain paragraph and then the frown would turn into an odd sort of look, her lips turning into a smile as if she was silently applauding the book for falling into agreement with whatever thought she'd just had. Sometimes she would twist her mouth, pouting as it were, sometimes she seemed surprised and sometimes she even giggled. Throughout it all she hadn't even noticed that he was back and sitting right in front of her.

It was amazing to see. He didn't know that a book could elicit such reactions from a person and wondered what she was reading.

"What are you doing?" He asked and she looked up annoyed. When she saw that he was genuinely curious and not just pulling her leg as he used to, the crease between her eyebrows smoothed out.

"I'm reading up Goblin name etymology."

"Why?"

"I was just thinking about it and felt curious. I finished the homework for the next few weeks some time ago and got bored so..."

"What made you think of Goblin name etymology?" It wasn't exactly a topic they were studying and he wondered why it had caught her attention.

"Well you know how Elise got a new owl?"

He nodded having often seen the snowy white owl with the Ravenclaw girl. While most owls were shifty and utterly impatient to get flying, hers was unique in that he'd never seen it fly even once. Instead the bird was always snuggled up in her arms, looking very comfortable.

He knew this because Albus' flaming crush on Elise had made itself even more obvious as he quietly sat at the Slytherin table getting jealous of the damn bird.

"Well she's named it Jareth." Scorpius snorted but Rose barrelled on paying him no attention. "So I asked her why she gave it such a human name and she said it wasn't a human name but a goblin name but I couldn't think of any goblin we've read about who was named Jareth so here I am, looking at...Goblin Names."

It started as a slight tickle in his throat, turned into a chuckle before snowballing into full fledged laughter, complete with hiccoughs and stitches in his side.

"What's so funny?" She asked, confused, and it only set him off into further convulsions of laughter. It was a good while before he finally calmed down.

"Elise is a muggle-born right?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Well there's a muggle movie called the Labyrinth, it has a character called Jareth in it and he's the Goblin King who can magically turn himself into a barn owl."

"Ohhh."

"Yeah, you won't find his name in the books."

"Well that explains why she said that it would have killed in Muggle Studies."

Elise said that a lot. Albus said that she found it depressing how all the jokes she cracked went utterly unnoticed because she was surrounded by wizards and witches. Scorpius said that Albus had a serious problem with obsessing over Elise

"Chances are that lot wouldn't have gotten it either, it's an old movie. Our parents would have only been six years old when that movie came out."

"You knew about it though." She pointed out before tilting her head quizzically. "Do you watch a lot of movies?"

He shrugged not quite sure how to answer that.

His love for all things muggle had started off as a way of annoying Lucius who had been outraged when he had come home from his first year at Hogwarts as best friends with the 'son of the half blood and the blood traitor'. He had cajoled his mother into taking him to watch a muggle movie since it was something he had heard about and his obsession with Muggle Culture had started then. He had eventually proceeded to spend practically the whole summer in Muggle London. And now he had managed to get a wi-fi router working at Malfoy manner along with a laptop, giant flat screen tv, a satellite connection and a DVD player as well. Even his Dad joined in with him when he was watching the F1 races and other car shows and then football which had consumed his father's attention ever since they'd first seen a match.

So really there was only one answer for that.

"Yes. _A lot."_

"Mum used to take us to watch them when we were younger but then Dad wanted to join in. That was not a good idea, Dad gets very...loud around muggle devices. He still hasn't figured out that the telephone is just like a floo call, you don't need to shout into it. Uncle Harry uses him to prank call his cousin Dudley, it's kind of fun. Ridiculous though." Rose rolled her eyes. "So that's what you do in your summers? Watch movies?"

"Mostly. And homework."

"Really?" She seemed sceptical and it almost hurt Scorpius. Was it that hard to believe that he was actually into muggle culture? "You actually do your homework?"

In hindsight it wasn't surprising that that was what Rose was fixated on.

He smirked. "Sometimes."

She rolled her eyes and sighed, looking at the many books she had spread around her on the table with an arched eyebrow. "I guess I should put these back then."

"You really researched Goblin naming traditions all because of Elise's owl?"

Rose shrugged even as she closed the books. "I don't like not knowing things." She levitated the books to their respective places and within seconds had her bags packed, ready to leave. "See you later Malfoy."

She turned and left and he watched her back grow smaller and smaller with a bit of sadness. It had been nice to be normal around her for once.

But then he frowned.

That was a lot of normality coming from someone who only the day before had magicked rose petals to shower down upon him for the whole day and used it as an excuse to run her hands through his hair.

Something was rotten in the state of Hogwarts.

* * *

_Psst Albus._

**Scor, why are we passing notes? This is Divination and we're at the back of the classroom, we can talk. Everyone knows Trelawney's been high as hell ever since The War.**

_I don't want to inhale any more of that weird scented smoke than I have to, this place reeks. What's up with Rose?_

**Mate, you see her more than I do these days, you tell me.**

_Seriously though why is she chasing me around everywhere?_

**Uhh, because she fancies you? Duh.**

_Then why do I get the feeling that isn't true?_

**Don't ask me about _your_ feelings.**

_Albus!_

**Scorpius!**

_**Stop passing notes over my head you fucktards!**_

**Basil? You're awake?**

_**Well I am now.**_

_Then maybe you can convince Albus to tell me what's going on._

_**Isn't it obvious?**_

**Basil, shut your mouth!**

_Isn't what obvious?_

_**Rose is getting off you being all terrified and shit. Girl's a sadist.**_

**My cousin is not a sadist!**

_I don't know Al, it does seem more likely than her suddenly being in love with me._

_**I'm telling you guys, she's a sadist.**_

**Rose is not a sadist!**

_**Then why is she acting like she's in love with Scor? Saaadist.**_

**She's not a sadist she just wants him to stop pranking her so she can study for OWL's properly!**

_I knew it!_

**Ah crap.**

_**Right okay, the bint isn't a sadist, she's just nuts.**_

**You didn't hear it from me.**

_I KNEW IT!_

* * *

In case anyone's confused by the notes in the end_ Italics _are Scorpius_, _**Bold** is Albus and_ **Italicised Bold**_ is Basil Zabini and the movie Scorpius referred to is entirely real and has Bowie in it with his smexy voice, singing and leering and being a sympathetic antagonist as well. _  
_

Leave a note!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating but I was out of the country and there was no wi-fi or network and then there was hiking, all while I was PMS-ing and if you knew what I'm like when I'm PMS-ing you would really pity the people I was with and me but you don't and you did not need to know any of that actually...**

**But I'm so sorry for not updating!**

**And thank you so much Tuzkreekman, Guest, Min0rDetails for reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise. Unless you're telepathic and are reading my mind in which case you'll recognise things that are mine. But I don't own Harry Potter or the Wizarding World.**

* * *

For the first time in a long while, Scorpius walked with a jaunty skip to his step. He practically danced his way from the dungeons to the Great Hall, stopping to greet random passer bys and talk to them about what a beautiful day it was.

There was a blizzard raging outside. A hard tough blizzard that was so bad that Hagrid had been asked to stay in the Castle for a few days. Needless to say, he earned himself quite a few odd stares.

"Hello, hello, how are you all doing today?" He sang and Albus flinched.

"Rose is going to kill me." He said morosely. Albus was having a bad day. He had a terrible cold that had left his nose a bright red, his glasses were fogging up when they moved from one room to another due to the differences in temperature, he was shivering so hard that while he ate breakfast, it had sounded like he was playing drums with the plate and the fork. Plus some seventh year Hufflepuff was flirting with Elise.

No, not his day at all.

"Don't be so gloomy my dear friend!" Scorpius said cheerfully, his teeth gleaming brightly and flashes went off as the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club's official photographer, Carly Cyrus, took a picture of that moment. Scorpius was in such a good mood that instead of flinching and shying away like he usually did, he turned to her and winked.

She fainted.

He turned all the way around and saw behind him the Ravenclaw table where Rose was sitting and grinned. She was reading a book and Elise on her side was busy cuddling her owl and talking to Jonathan Wood and consequently hadn't noticed him staring at Rose. Lily was making her way over to them while giving him a strange look, probably on her way to warn Rose and before she could do so, Scorpius got up and got the boy sitting across from Rose to move.

"Rose!" He exclaimed and Elise turned elbowing her in the ribs. She looked up flailing wildly, untamed red hair falling around and one particularly wiry lock hit Callie who was sitting next to her who glared at her in response.

"Oh it's you." She said blankly before clearing her throat and saying it again with a bit more swoon to it. "Ohhh it's _you_." Now that he knew she didn't really fancy him it seemed pretty obvious that she was acting.

"So Rose," Scorpius started the grin on his face barely contained. "What are you doing this Hogsmeade weekend?"

"Dad had some work to do nearby so he said he'll be stopping by," Rose answered conversationally and Scorpius almost burst into laughter then and there even as Lily's jaw dropped at the implication in his question that Rose had missed entirely, "and taking Hugo and I out for a lunch. Why?"

"Lunch, so you're free in the evening, right?"

"Well yeah, I guess. Why? Is this about the invite to the Malfoy Christmas Ball I got?"

"No it's no- Wait what?" As per usual his dad's machinations were throwing his schemes off course.

"I got an early invitation to the Christmas Ball from your Dad."

"Really? They must only have decided on what paper and design to go with though, the orders won't come through for a few weeks."

"Ohh so that's why it said 'sample piece' on the back."

This was getting out of hand, he needed to get this back on track again.

"So, Hogsmeade?"

"Yeah I'm not doing anything in the evening, why?"

"Well I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me."

Forks and spoons and knives were dropped. There was a loud clatter of metal meeting metal, in fact, that almost insulted Scorpius.

"What now?!" Rose said in a very high pitched tone and it was hard not to laugh at the sight of her eyes gone so wide it looked like it hurt and jaw dropped to the table as well. The book in her hands actually fell as her wrist went limp and she struggled to keep it from touching the floor, succeeding but making herself look like an utter idiot in the process.

"Would you like to go out on a date with me this weekend?" He said slowly, enunciating every syllable and taking great joy in the panic he could see rising in her eyes.

"Umm-I-You-Ack." It went on for a while, indiscernible sounds leaving her mouth but then her eyes spotted Carly lying on the floor. "Umm I think dating you is against the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club regulations. I'll have to check with Harriet. That's right, I have to ask Harriet!" She said far too ecstatically.

"If you say so, but just know that even if Harriet says no, I'm not giving up. I'm going to do everything I can to make you feel my love." He leaned forward in his seat and she leaned back to avoid him

"Umm right, I'll just-" She began to get up almost tripping over the bench in her nervousness, "I'm going to talk to Harriet right now. Right now. Good day. Bye." She said and fled.

Scorpius smiled as he saw her back disappear turning around only when Elise cleared her throat. She exchanged looks with Lily who sighed and handed her a small pouch of galleons and turned to him with a smile like the cat who got the cream.

"Thanks for doing exactly what I expected you to." She smirked at Scorpius and his smile slid off his face.

"How did you know that I would be doing that?" He questioned, suspicious but her smirk grew and behind him he could hear a sigh from over at the Slytherin table that by now he had learnt to recognise as Albus' 'Elise is smirking' sigh.

"I know everything."

* * *

Rose stormed into the First Floor girls' bathroom, hyperventilating. The rest of the fanclub were gathered there and she was glad because one of them was bound to hit her upside her head or shank her seeing as how Scorpius had asked her out and she kind of needed that right now.

"What's the emergency?" Harriet calmly asked Rose whose eyes were darting form one place to another, violently shuddering when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirrors lining the First Floor Girls Bathroom. She looked and felt hunted. Myrtle, sweet old Myrtle had brightened up upon seeing her, saying that she'd never seen anyone look more dead than herself in all her years at Hogwarts until now.

"Scorpius is hitting on me and he asked me out on a date!" She said, and closed her eyes waiting for the hit. When none was forthcoming she opened her eyes with a frown. "Umm aren't you guys going to kill me?"

"Why? It's not like you actually like him." Clarissa said, without taking her eyes off the table where there were samples of the Scorpius Cards laid out.

"What now?" Rose asked, puzzled, spitting out the hair she had begun chewing nervously.

"Everyone knows you're just pretending to freak him out." Harriet rolled her eyes. She looked annoyed but not really annoyed.

"And by everyone you mean-?"

"Everyone. The whole castle. Even McGonagall knows. No one believes it of course but we do."

"How?!"

"Basil told Louis who told Callie who told Penny and then-"

"Wait, Basil?" Rose narrowed her eyes.

"Yep."

"As in Basil Zabini?"

"Yep."

"As in Albus and Scorpius' other best friend Basil?"

"Yep."

Rose took a deep breath and everyone stepped back. They could practically see the spiky ridges and the sharp teeth and the fire because Rose looked remarkably like a Hungarian Horntail in that one moment. "Excuse me, I have a cousin to kill." She stormed out of the bathroom and they were left staring at the closed door left behind her.

It wasn't long before the scream of "ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER!" rang through the castle.

* * *

In the dungeons, a certain green eyed, messy black haired boy sneezed hard.

"Someone's remembering you." Louis said cheerfully and Albus shot him a look.

"Or I have a cold." Still, he did feel a violent chill wrack through him a second ago. And he could have sworn he had heard his name being called out.

* * *

"I am going to accept Scorpius' offer to go on a date." Rose announced to the room when she returned thirty minutes later and (oddly enough) with a broken painting frame in her hand . They were paying great attention to her since there was something in her eyes that was magnetic and deep and terrifying. "I am going to break his spirit. And I am going to tell you where to be so that you can all chronicle this."

"We'll need a new official photographer then." Harriet said calmly. "Carly is too delicate to handle it."

"I suggest Elise and Lily. They'll have the perfect cover as her best friends." Clarissa suggested and murmurs of assent rang through the bathroom.

"Motion to instate Elise and Lily as new official photographer, passed." Harriet said with great aplomb and turned to Rose. "And you are finally fit to be an official member of the club, congratulations."

Rose frowned confused. "I just said I want to break his spirit."

"While the intent is bad the intensity is wonderful. Now you are truly obsessed with Scorpius, just like the rest of us. Only in the opposite way."

"You people are weird."

"And you fit right in with us, think on that for a while." Harriet said ominously.

* * *

Rose marched into the Great Hall for dinner determinedly. No longer did she look harried, the hair that changed with her mood (and Lily's makeover mood swings) fell in glossy curls, her eyes flinty and her chin held up she walked to the Slytherin table where Scorpius lounged back attractively upon seeing her.

"Hello my sweet Rosebud."

She almost flinched but did not. Instead she squared her shoulders and stood straight.

"I'm available this weekend. Three Broomsticks?" She said steadily and he almost fell off his bench in surprise. But he watched her hard and for what felt like hours they stared at one another and he realised what was going on. She knew what was going on and she was willing to play his game.

"I was thinking Madame Puddifoots actually." His grin threatened to split his face in half as he noticed her slight flinch. But then her lip curled and she smirked too.

"Great and if you have time before that, maybe you can join Hugo and I with Daddy. He'd love to know about this new development." Now it was Scorpius' turn to be terrified. Ronald Weasley liked him, sure, but only as Albus' friend. As his precious Rosie Posie's boyfriend he would tear Scorpius a new one. He recovered himself rather easily though, two could play at the parent game.

"As would mine. Father would love to know that you won't just be attending the Christmas ball as a guest but also as my date."

Her nose twitched into a momentary snarl but the acting lessons must have paid off because she managed to clam herself pretty easily.

"I'm sure he would. I'll see you then."

"Would you permit me to walk you to the Ravenclaw tower?"

She shook her head. "I have patrols. But perhaps tomorrow."

"Tomorrow it is then."

They both shared smiles, with hidden agendas all obvious to one another.

The game was on.

* * *

At the Gryffindor table money was exchanging hands. Elise had made a killing once again and she sat in the middle with Lily on one side, Albus on the other with a bandage wrapped around his head (he had flinched at every painting they had passed on their way to the Great Hall, oddly enough) and they stared at their friends who were staring at one another.

"Wait so Scorpius knows?" Lily asked.

"Yes." Elise smirked.

"And Rose knows that Scorpius knows?" Albus asked.

"Yes." The smirk died a bit.

"And Scorpius knows that Rose knows that he knows?" Lily asked.

"And Rose knows that Scorpius knows that she knows that he knows." Albus added.

"But Scorpius knows that Rose knows that he knows that-"

"Sweet Merlin wept, yes, everyone knows that everyone knows. Now that we have that cleared up can we move on already?!" The smirk had turned into a frown and Elise's eyes were twitching.

"Wow."

"So you ready for Hogsmeade?" Elise asked.

"Are you asking me out?" Albus squeaked. Happily.

"Umm I was talking to Lily actually."

"We're supposed to be chronicling this for the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club." Lily explained to her brother. "But you can come with us too I guess."

"It'll be a good cover." Elise nodded.

Lily shot her suddenly crestfallen brother a look._ "I'll fix you guys up." _She mouthed and he brightened up.

"I'm going to get so rich!" The other girl said with a maniacal grin.

At the teacher's table McGonagall watched the drama unfold on the two tables and sighed.

"Filius?"

Professor Flitwick sighed.

"I know. " He commiserated.

Hagrid looked between the two teachers confused.

"What's going on? Hey is that Rose at the Slytherin table? She looks just like her parents, doesn't she?"

"And causes just as much trouble as they did."

"I wish Dumbledore was here." McGonagall sighed. This inter-house unity crap was his idea, he should have been alive to deal with the consequences of it.

* * *

_Mum and Dad,_

_I'm dating Rose Weasley. She'll be attending the Christmas Ball as my plus one. BTW why haven't I received an invitation when Rose has?_

_Scorpius_

* * *

_Scorpius,_

_YES! I have never been more proud of you son!_

_Draco_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_You hear that Weasley, Rose and Draco are dating!_

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_Don't you mean Rose and Scorpius, you creep? And they're both pretending, it's a game. Even our bets have been suspended while this charade is going on, stop being so excited._

_Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_Do you not hear yourself? They're pretending to be in love, eventually it's going to turn real, obviously. We're going to be in laws!_

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_OVER MY DEAD BODY!_

_Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_Rose is soon to be my daughter in law AND you're going to be dead? Christmas has come early this year!_

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Malfoy's owling me. It's creeping me out. I need a firewhiskey._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_He owled me too. I think he owled the whole wizarding community. _

_That Astoria must have been quite an influence on the ferret._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Firewhiskey. Now._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_One firewhiskey coming right up, Ronaldus Weaslius._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_What did you call me?!_

_Ron_

* * *

_Oh come on, it's catchy._

_Harry_

* * *

**Leave a note!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I couldn't log in, it was a pain and now that December is growing near I probably won't be able to update regularly, my brother comes back home around this time and most of my energy is spent in curbing the desire to kill him slowly and painfully.**

**Again, so so sorry!**

**Thank you Demonscall, royale26, Natalie, aymar, Guest, nobodysperfect2133,Guest, Tuzkreekman, HenriaSownbinder and Guest for reviewing, seriously, you guys are so nice with your words it actually makes me nervous because my idea of dealing with compliments is...running away in the opposite direction giggling. And then giggling some more.**

**Disclaimer: I own very few things in the world. A stuffed panda is among them. The Wizarding world is not.**

* * *

Ronald Bilius Weasley was not happy.

He stared at Rose with a gentle smile. Then he glared at Scorpius. Then he looked at Hugo who was yawning one second and choking on a fly the next and sighed.

The two fifth years were sitting close to one another. Too close in fact but at the same time they both had the Narcissa look on their face, the same 'something smells funny but it wasn't me so it must have been you' look.

With Rose he had wondered if that perfect little child was related to him. She was so perfect and so very Hermione. The only thing she got from him was her hair and according to Hermione, his temper. But he highly doubted that, then again she'd never ever been angry with him so he wouldn't know.

And then there was Hugo. He looked exactly like Hermione down to the brown hair but somehow the boy was a blithering little bugger. Adorable but a bit too obsessed with Astoria Malfoy and Dungbombs.

And then there was Scorpius, Albus' best friend. Despite his terrible sperm donor Ron was quite fond of Scorpius. He was a nice kid really, far more smiley than he'd expected the Ferret's kid to be and quite good for a joke or two. Good appetite too, from what he'd seen of the kid at the Leaky Cauldron when Albus met up with him before school.

But not good enough for Rose. No one was good enough for his Rosie Posie.

"So, Scorpius, how did this happen?" He said menacingly, trying to turn a snarl into a grin. It did not work.

Scorpius shrugged, trying not to betray his fear but from where Elise and Lily were sitting with rather discrete cameras, they got a perfect shot of his shivering fingers as he reached for the cup of coca.

"You'll have to ask Rose, Sir. For me it was quite a surprise."

"Hardly, after all _you_ were the one who asked me out to Hogsmeade."Rose said with a catty smile that Scorpius hadn't known she was capable of.

"Really?" Ron asked gruffly, still glaring at Scorpius but rose answered instead.

"Oh yes, right in the Great Hall too. I had to leave then but I do feel a bit annoyed with that. I mean if I'd rejected you then you would have been humiliated in front of everyone and they would have hated me for being so cold." She sniffed lightly pouting at her Dad who softened and patted her hand gently.

"But you didn't reject me did you?" Scorpius grinned and her nose twitched. "Instead you agreed to date me." He slung an arm around her despite Ron's coughing fit. "You even invited me to meet your Dad on our first date! Sign of devotion I say."

"Malfoy, get you arm off Rosie." Ron hissed and Rose looked up at him in interest.

"Daddy, have you been studying Parseltongue again?!" She said excitedly.

Ron flushed but nodded while Scorpius sat up interested.

"Studying Parseltongue? Can it really be done?"

"It's a lot more difficult since we don't have an actual Parselmouth anymore. Harry used to be one but then when Voldemort died he lost it. And there's Ginny who was speaking Parseltongue when she was possessed by Voldemort but she can't quite remember that part and McGonagall said it was bets that it stay that way since it might be traumatic for her. Still, we've been hunting down memories of anyone who's come into contact with any Parselmouths to perhaps get some information from them. It's a lot harder than it sounds."

"And it sounds pretty hard as it is." Rose said proudly and Ron puffed up.

"Well yes, but we've just gotten approval from the ministry for certain artefacts that I should not be discussing with you three but are actually quite invaluable to our research."

"Wow. Mom would have an aneurysm. The great Ronald Weasley doing research." Rose teased.

"You never know, I mean you began dating Scorpius and she hasn't had an aneurysm yet." Hugo said before staring into the distance thoughtfully. "Although that might be because she had her money on you getting together fifth year so maybe that's why."

Rose turned her head sharply ."What?"

"Umm nothing."

"It didn't sound like nothing." She said lowly.

"That's right Hugo," Scorpius said and the two leaned forward in their seats the same expression of barely suppressed anger on them, "do tell."

"Umm, I think I hear Louis calling me, talk to you later dad, bye!" He said and ran out of the tea shop not even pausing when he stumbled over the door frame, instead turning it into a flying leap and then hobbling the rest of the way.

"That was pathetic." Rose said.

"Poor form too, how did he ever make the Gryffindor Quidditch team?" Scorpius asked but turned scared eyes to Ronald Weasley expecting a scathing remark because he'd just insulted his son.

"He supports the Montrose Magpies, what do you expect?" Ron scoffed along with him before realising that he was agreeing with the enemy and cleared his throat.

"It doesn't really matter how bad the Gryffindor team is, the Eagles are going to beat the Gryffs and the Snakes anyway." Rose said proudly.

"And then the Badgers will dig a hole, come out right under your nest and steal the trophy." Scorpius finished with relish.

"The Hufflepuff team is good then?" Ron asked.

"They've been flying together for years now so they have really good teamwork. Plus their new captain's head boy, and there are some very weighty rumours that he's been scouted for the Wimbourne Wasps' reserve team." Scorpius said conspiratorially.

"No!" Ron gasped in disbelief and sagging in disappointment. "Guess Hufflepuff will be winning this year."

"Umm no, they may have Jonathan Wood of the glorious hair but we have our not so secret weapon." Rose said smugly.

"And what's that?"

"Not what, who. Elise."

""Elise but she-" Scorpius narrowed his eyes. "Is that why she's been flirting with Wood, poor Albus has been depressed for ages over that."

"Rose!" Elise called out from their table. "Would you mind coming over here for a bit?"

"Oh but I thought I'd-"

"_Now_."

"Of course." Rose was out of her seat and on their table in seconds, the three girls bent over something on the table and discussing it in hushed whispers.

"That girl is scary." Ron observed.

"Yeah."

And then at the same moment they both realised that they were alone now. Scorpius began shaking harder now.

"Let me make this very clear Malfoy," Ronal Weasley spat leaning in close to Scorpius," If you hurt my daughter, I will find you and I will kill you."

Scorpius was unimpressed and all semblance of the emotion of fear stopped coursing through him. Rose must have gotten her threatening abilities from her mother.

"Seriously? You're going to quote a muggle movie to _me_?" Ron had the grace to look ashamed. "You couldn't even come up with a proper threat? And that, that was the weakest threat I've ever been given! Come on Mr Weasley, Rose was telling me that she would rip me apart and feast on my flesh when we were third years, you can't use this weak crap on me!"

Scorpius was feeling a bit insulted actually. Didn't he warrant a proper threat?

"No you don't."

Scorpius realised he had said his thoughts out loud. He'd have to work on that so Rose couldn't use it to subtly undermine him.

"Why don't I get a proper threat?"

Ron looked at him amusedly. "You know Hermione, the brains of the Golden Trio as we were called, also the one who punched your father and caused that little bend in his nose you see now, she once set a flock of little canaries on me. They pecked a lot. _A lot_. And then she didn't talk to me for ages, it took me being poisoned and almost dying for her to stop giving me the silent treatment. That was when we were friends. And Rose is worse than her mother. I don't need to threaten you, you're dating the bets threat I could I could set on you."

"That's...great. Just great."

"Daddy!" Rose exclaimed coming back to their table and the two sprung away with fake smiles. "SO Mister Malfoy invited me to their Christmas ball."

"You won't spend Christmas eve with us?" He whined.

Christmas eve at the Burrow was tradition. A grand Weasley tradition. Also the only Weasley tradition. It was the one time of the year when they managed to get Percy drunk enough to be fun which was hard considering that Percy didn't like drinking and even when he did drink he had a very high tolerance for it. His slice of boozy cake was more booze, less cake.

"I think I'll just be there for a while, right?" She turned to Scorpius. Ron did not like the way she instinctively turned to Scorpius although she had good reason to. "What is it usually like?"

"Don't know, Mum says I'm too young to stay out after we crack the Firewhiskey open so I only stay for about two hours."

"Well what do you do after that?"

Scorpius shrugged. "Watch movies."

"Why don't you come back with Rose and spend the rest of the night at the Burrow." Lily suggested from her table. In a synchronised move the three turned to her and stared.

"Have you been listening in all this time?"

"Obviously." Elise scoffed.

"Come on, it'll be fun! Albus will enjoy having his best friend around, Rose will like having her boyfriend." All three at the table turned very red and started choking at that word.

"Lily, let's talk outside." Rose gritted out and dragged her cousin out by the arm.

Ron Scorpius and Elsie watched as the two girls talked, arms flailing, eyes rolling and sassy comebacks verbalised through body language. It was fascinating.

"How's your leg Mr Weasley?" Elise asked, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over them.

"Oh it's fine, still aches a bit on occasion though."

"Probably the cold, I've heard knee injuries act up in cold weather." She said knowingly.

"Alright," Rose said sweeping in dramatically, Lily following behind closely. "Scorpius, I would like to extend an official invitation to the Burrow on Christmas Eve."

He blanched. "Really?"

"Yes really." She smiled magnanimously and turned to Ron. "Daddy you don't mind, do you?"

That smile was so sweet, so innocent. So terrifying. Ron looked forwards to whatever Rose had planned for the Malfoy.

"Of course not. The more the merrier."

Scorpius shot him a betrayed look and his smile grew. He could actually feel his cheeks ache but couldn't quite bring himself to stop smiling. Oh how he loved that little girl of his.

"Well I'm off now. You kids have fun." Ron said cheerfully. "Not too much fun though, mind you."

With a little skip in his step Ron stepped out and disapparated back to the office. He rubbed his knee when it throbbed as he sat down and began filling out the tons of paperwork thta was now his life before pausing mid-air and frowning.

"Wait a minute, how did she know I'd hurt my knee?"

* * *

On the other end of Britain, Scorpius had just thought of that very same thing.

"How'd you know Mr Weasley had hurt his leg?" Scorpius asked Elise as they all joined tables now that Rose's Dad was gone.

"Dad hurt his leg?" Rose said, bewildered. "He didn't say anything about it to me."

"If you didn't hear it from Rose, how did you know?" Lily asked with narrowed eyes.

Elise shrugged. "I know everything."

* * *

_Harry,_

_Scorpius is going to be coming over for Christmas. Lily suggested it and Rose agreed._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_I thought they were just fake dating?_

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_They are, I think Rose just wants to set Mom on Scorpius. You know how she gets when any of her ickle grandchildren start dating._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Aww man I remember when Teddy was caught in Victoire's room, Mrs Weasley really let him have it. Even Bill and Fleur were fine with it but she really dug in. You think she'll do the same to Scorpius?_

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_Probably. Can't wait for Christmas._

_Ron_

* * *

_Ginny,_

_Do Ron and Harry seriously think Molly isn't in on the bets?!_

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_Are you kidding, they still don't know that we read all their letters. By the way, how much money did you make off the bets?_

_Ginny_

* * *

_Ginny,_

_None, Astoria says until they kiss it doesn't count as a real relationship, especially since they're faking it. She figures if they kiss even if they're still pretending, then that shows the level of commitment that merits my winnings._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_If I set up mistletoe all over the Burrow, do I get 25% of the winnings?_

_Ginny_

* * *

_Ginny,_

_Hells yes, and I'll up it to 50% if our husbands get caught under it._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_I don't think we need mistletoe as an excuse to make out with our husbands_

_Ginny_

* * *

_Ginny,_

_I meant Harry and Ron getting caught with one another._

_Hermione_

* * *

_Hermione,_

_...Have you been checking out the Harry/Ron fanclub newsletter again? You know Ron doesn't like it._

_But for 50% I'll do it._

_Ginny_

* * *

_Ginny,_

_You're missing out._

_Hermione_

* * *

**Leave a note!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:Late update, my brother is driving me nuts, can't focus with all the football matches being watched and yelled at and then I lost my Wizarding groove.**

**Thank you scribbleeexx, Guest, Guest and The Chirpy Bitch for reviewing.**

**(And yes there was a part in chapter 8 where I wrote Draco and Rose instead of Scorpius and Rose, I've fixed it now. It was a Freudian slip, Draco's just far too used to writing and saying his own name. Thanks for pointing it out The Chirpy Bitch{That is an _epic_ username}!)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but a pint of Butterbeer that I made as per a recipe on the internet. The Wizarding World is all J K Rowling.**

* * *

Two cloaked figures ran across the hallway and then stopped, ducking behind a pillar to avoid the prefects who were patrolling.

"Rose, are you seriously dating Scorpius Malfoy?" Prefect 1, identified as McMillan said.

"For the millionth time Mac, yes I am. Didn't you see me go all gaga over him for the last few weeks?" Prefect 2, identified as Rose said, rolling her eyes so hard they could almost hear her eyeballs slushing around in her skull.

"No I know that but why is _he_ dating you?"

"Are you saying that he's too good for me?!"

"NO! No not at all I just meant that I didn't know he liked you pleasedon'tkillme!"

"Fiine."

"Coast is clear." One cloaked figure said and the other one nodded. The two crept out again and soon stopped before a door going to open it when an arm stopped them.

"Password?"

"Hugo is a dumbass and I will shove my foot up his arse if he doesn't stop with this password nonsense."

"Password?" The owner of the arm repeated and one of the cloaked figures sighed.

"Draco Malfoy is a prick."

"You may enter." The hand retracted itself and as soon as they were in the hood came off. Lily Luna Potter and Elise Ibbotson stepped into the room where all the others in the Potter-Weasley clan were accumulated. While Elise sat down at the table, Lily clobbered the owner of the Arm Barricade, also known as Hugo Weasley.

"Is everyone here?" The younger brother or Rose Weasley (see also: Rosius Weaslisus) said rapping his knuckles on the table.

"No." James, Fred, Lily and Elise chorused.

"Damn it, really? Who's missing?"

"No one."

"We lied."

"Why are we here?" Roxanne complained.

"Yeah this is creepy." Lucy the youngest shuddered.

Hugo cleared his throat and began. "We are here because as you might have noticed, our dearly beloved Scorpius and Rose Weasley are acting a bit...strange."

"You mean Rose is crushing ass backwards over him and he's suddenly dating her? Yeah we noticed." Roxanne said tartly.

"No I mean my sister's pretending to be in love with him so he backs off the pranks."

"What?! And no one told me about this?" She yelled.

"With all due respect, you've been busy whipping the Gryffindor Quidditch team into shape." Lily consoled her.

"Bloody idiots wouldn't know how to catch a Quaffle if it fell into their lap and decided make a nest there." The older girl rolled her eyes, pouting. Already she was busy thinking about Quidditch manoeuvres. While Rose and her complex non-love life were interesting, they weren't that interesting.

"Now while this has all been very amusing, our bookkeeper, the beautiful Astoria Malfoy-"

Fred snorted."Hugo you need to get over it mate, she may be very pretty but she's married."

"To Draco Malfoy of all people, she just hasn't had the time to get to know me yet." Hugo snapped.

"Her son is older than you are, I don't think she _wants_ to get to know you." James added.

Hugo sniffed. "Well that's just your opinion and I-"

"Going off topic there Huey." Elise said.

"Ahem. Well Astoria-"

James let out a cough that sounded a lot like Mrs Malfoy and Hugo glared at him. Fred held out his fist for a fist bump.

"She's said that this changes things. We've all had bets on things like when they get together, when their first kiss will be and the first 'I love you' etc but since they're pretending to date, a lot of those bets are in limbo."

"So I suggest we switch things up, put things on an even field." Roxanne said. "If both teams know each others' strategies-" She looked at Albus and Lily and Elise meaningfully.

"Won't do any good." Albus pushed his glasses up his nose and sighed. "Why can't they just realise how perfect they are for each other and date for real?"

"Because they're idiots." Elise said and Albus' ears turned red when she smirked at him.

"Out of the two of them Scorpius is the more emotionally open one. Rose is a mess that we shouldn't touch with a fifty foot pole. That is why we must begin Operation Scorpius Must Understand Dating Games Expediently." Hugo said interrupting their moment and Albus glared at him.

"Wait isn't that-"

"Operation SMUDGE." Hugo said, smug.

"Oh God there's two of them." Elise looked at Hugo in horror. Lily leaned in next to her.

"Three actually, they learnt this form their mom."

"Wait wait wait, even though this is...something, I think we should discuss the possibility of new bets. Like when they'll fake kiss, when they'll crack under the pressure and when they'll have the fake marriage talk and so on and so forth."

"Fake marriage talk."

Elise stood up. "Look the fact of the matter is they're idiots. This fake relationship thing might even go on for years. I think we shouldn't just give up our bets as a lost cause but instead dissolve all the old bets and take up new ones."

"That's hardly fair," Hugo complained, pouting at the fact that someone else had taken over his meeting, "You and Albus are their bets friends, you'll tell them what to do."

Elise raised an eyebrow and he shrunk. "Didn't you just say that Rose is too far gone emotionally to be influenced?"

"Well I-"

"And didn't you just say we should work our way through Scorpius? Which, by the way, isn't exactly the best plan given Albus would have to do the heavy lifting-"She turned to Albus with a winning smile. "No offense Albus."

"None taken." He said, dazed. James had to pull him up onto his seat with a roll of his eyes because Albus had literally melted and sunk down in his chair.

"Well yes but-"

"Uh uh uh, no buts. Yes or no?"

"Yes." Hugo said grudgingly.

"Well then that's decided. We screw the adults and have our own bets. And if we make bets with the adults, we use our insider information to skew things in our favour." Elise looked around the table. "I don't know about you guys but I see a lot of money in my future."

"I don't." Fred whispered to James who nodded.

"She's going to take us for all we're worth."

"Maybe we should bet on Albus and her instead?"

"No." Elise said.

"We weren't saying anything."

"Yes you were and no, no betting on me. Now if you'll excuse us, Lily and I have some distribution of photos to do."

"The job as the official photographer for the Scorpius Malfoy Appreciation Club-"

"Or 'SMAC!' as we call them-"

"It's really paying off. You would not believe how much money these girls are shelling out to get a good photo of Scorpius."

"We have plans to make a photobook and sell it to them as a semi-annual thing. Right now we have a Christmas themed photobook coming out soon."

"Raking in the dough."

"Galleons everywhere."

"We'll finally be able to shop for dress robes without having to look at the price tags."

"Ka-ching!"

"Ahem. Can we return to the topic?"

"Yes, I bet four galleons that Rose and Scorpius make out before the end of this week. Tongue and everything." Elise said.

"You're kidding! Rose didn't even kiss that bloke she was dating over summer last year!" Hugo exclaimed.

"Yeah and definitely not making out, I mean a close lipped kiss at the most." James and Fred chimed in.

"This is making me sick, that's my sister you're talking about!" Hugo said, horrified.

"I bet Hugo resigns from his bookkeeper duties before the end of the week." Lily whispered into Elise's ears and the other girl scoffed.

"I'm not taking you up on that."

* * *

Rose had decided she had the perfect plan to end the impasse they found themselves at. Neither was willing to admit that they'd begun dating each other just because they wouldn't back down (even though they wouldn't) and neither was willing to actually date each other either. Honestly, Scorpius' face on the date the day before when he had to thread his arm through hers would have offended her if it hadn't been mirrored on her own.

But she wouldn't be the one to break. No, if Scorpius wanted out of this relationship he would have to do it himself. He would have to give in and admit that he didn't like her at all.

So, carefully and secretly she went through all of Callie and Lily's copies of Witch Weekly and studied the few articles namely, 'How to improve your relationship', 'Are you a bad girlfriend?' and more along the same veins. She had found out what made a relationship crack and had every intention of implementing all of the tools at her disposal.

She was going to be the worst girlfriend in Hogwarts history!

_**Signs you are a terrible girlfriend:**_

_You lie to your boyfriend_

"Where are you off to?" Scorpius asked popping out of nowhere as he was prone to and Rose jolted.

"The infirmary."

"Oh?" Scorpius raised an eyebrow. "Here I thought you were going to go off and supervise detention for first years."

"You're right, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but lie." Rose said in a rush.

She didn't know what she was expecting but she did not expect Scorpius to throw her arm around her and squeeze her shoulders comfortingly.

"Well as long as you admit it." He said kindly and for a moment she actually contemplated sinking into the side hug. She hadn't gotten a hug in ages. But then she came to her senses. Bad girlfriend. Right.

"But I lied to you. I shouldn't do that, I know but-"

"You might want to go to the infirmary anyway." He said concerned. "You don't look so good."

"I don't?"

"No. You look splotchy and you're even breaking out in zits all over your face." He clucked his tongue, fingers ghosting all over her face and she realised what he was calling zits were actually her freckles.

"Those aren't zits, those are freckles!"

"My bad. But you should still get them looked at." He grinned and traipsed away.

He was supposed to be pissed off that she was lying to him damn it!

_You flirt with other guys_

"Hello Basil." She drawled out in her most flirty voice while Zabini sat between her 'boyfriend' and her cousin.

Albus choked on his food laughing and instead of responding to her Basil had to give him the Heimlich manoeuvre never even noticing that she was hitting on him.

Needless to say, flirting with other guys did not work.

_You talk shit about your boyfriend_

"He's always late, I hate that about him!" She complained loudly to the random fifth year Slytherin who had been picked to be her partner in Potions. It was loud enough that even her Professor Slughorn could hear her and shot her some pointed looks which made her feel rather sheepish but she stayed on track. "And the hair, why is it always changing colour, so annoying!"

"To match with your clothes dear." Scorpius cried out from his side of the classroom and all around her, girls burst into awws and breathy sighs. Rose angrily crushed the goosegrass in her hand without the use of any tools and they ended up with the best potion of the class.

_You make him pay for everything _

"You don't mind picking up the tab do you? Thanks so much, that'll be great." She said before she could lose her nerve. A ball of lead settled into her stomach but Scorpius grinned and paid for everything she'd picked up in Hogsmeade, which included multiple bars of the best chocolate in the world.

Instead he added a box of sugar quills to the load and handed over a pouch of galleons with ease.

"Come on Rosius, we both know you'll need it come next Saturday."

"Wait, what's happening next Saturday?" Even as the words were out of her mouth her eyes grew wide and much to her embarrassment (which made itself clear in the way her face matched her hair) she shrieked rather loudly in the crowded shop. "You're keeping track of my menstrual cycle?!"

Scorpius shrugged with yet another easy grin (She had seen far too many of those in the last week alone). "Need to know when you need hugs don't I?"

And again people all over the shop sighed and aww-ed.

This was not going well

_You always fight with him_

"Oh come on, Shakespeare was not a pseudonym for Beedle the Bard!" Rose said as they sat across one another at the library.

"Of course he was! Look, Beedle was fond of Muggles, it isn't much of a stretch to think that he lived as a Muggle in London and wrote tales under the name Shakespeare. They're both even called the Bard, if that isn't a sign I don't know what is." Scorpius said vehemently his indigo blue hair flopping about on his head adorabl-ahem-annoyingly.

"Historians still debate over whether the works attributed to him were even his sure, but that it was Beedle?Ridiculous! And don't you think that if Beedle was Shakespeare that the wizarding historians would have recorded it?"

"Muggle historians debated over attribution of credit and the wizarding historians of that time were anti-Muggles so even if Shakespeare was Beedle they wouldn't have recorded that because it would mean the author of the most famous set of wizarding children's stories was a 'blood traitor'!"

"But they were the ones who were recording things, they could easily have made it sound like Beedle was just pulling one over the Muggle world like they did with Archimonius Blametsky!"

Scorpius shook his head in disagreement. "Completely different era, that was back before the witch hunts were in full motion, when wizards and witches actually got along with Muggles to an extent."

"You cannot be serious!"

"I am, Beedle the Bard was living under the pseudonym of William Shakespeare for the latter half of his life and there's nothing you can say that can convince me otherwise!"

She ended up enjoying the argument far too much for it to be considered an argument at all, more like a heated discussion.

Even that had failed!

Why wouldn't Scorpius Malfoy just break up with her?!

* * *

Rose stomped into the fifth year Ravenclaw girl's dormitory and fell onto her bed screaming into the pillow. It did not muffle the sound and Elise and Calypso, used to her odd moods had already gotten the earmuffs they'd stolen off the second years who were working with Mandrakes and put them on. Callie watched with unabashed interest as Rose beta up her pillow and strangled it and Elise flipped a page in the book she was reading.

"I hate this!" Rose shrieked.

"You know you should talk to Scorpius about whatever it is that's troubling you. I always feel much better after talking to Louis." Callie offered in a dreamy voice as was always the case when she talked about her boyfriend. Her advice was not taken and instead she got a venomous glare thrown at her. She gulped and ran off. "She's all yours." She said to Elise as she passed her by. The other girl waved not even looking up from the book.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"I need help."

"Help with what?"

"Scorpius!"

And the book was finally set down.

"What's wrong?"

"I've been the worst girlfriend possible, I've been the worst person possible to him but he just grins and bears it."

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know that he'd get fed up of the abuse and break up with me."

"Rose, Rose, Rose. So smart and yet so not smart."

"What do you mean?"

"Scorpius has been taking the 'abuse' for the last four years why would you think that this would annoy him? This is normal for you guys."

"No it's not, I've been flirting with other guys in front of him, I've been whining, I've snooped in his stuff and I fight with him. I even made him pay for our date at Hogsmeade which still makes me sick to my stomach!"

"Rose you're going about this the wrong way, is he really your boyfriend?"

"Eurgh, no!"

"And does he know that?"

"Yes, obviously."

"So he won't care if you're a bad girlfriend. But if you were a good girlfriend..." Elsie trailed off meaningfully and understanding dawned on Rose.

"You mean kill him with kindness?"

"Yes. He can obviously handle you when you're being a bitch, we've seen him do that for the last few years what he can't handle if you actually liking him. Or at least pretending to. So what you need to do is -?"

"Be the most loving girlfriend in all of Hogwart's history!" Rose said, getting off the bed with a look of victory on her face. It soon turned to defeat. "Aww but I don't want to act like I like him!"

"So you're willing to admit defeat?"

"Never!"

"Then you go out there and be the most loving girlfriend ever!"

"I can do that!" Rose nodded determined and left the room, girding herself.

"I am going to be so rich." Elise said to the empty room.

* * *

_Mr and Mrs Weasley,_

_I regret to inform you that your daughter Rose Weasley was found engaging in indecent behaviour in the Great Hall. A letter has also been sent to the parents of the other student involved. While we at Hogwarts encourage inter house unity and for the students to exchange ideas freely, there are certain behaviours which cannot be tolerate din public places, especially since the Great Hall is often occupied by younger, impressionable students._

_She has prior to this shown signs of being a great student although liable to loss of temper on occasion. However continuation of such behaviour may result in the prefect badge being stripped form Rose._

_I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in resolving these misbehaviours that Rose has been engaging in._

_Filius Flitwick_

_Head of Ravenclaw House_

* * *

_Mr and Mrs Malfoy,_

_I regret to inform you that your son Scorpius Malfoy was found engaging in indecent behaviour in the Great Hall. A letter has also been sent to the parents of the other student involved. While we at Hogwarts encourage inter house unity and for the students to exchange ideas freely, there are certain behaviours which cannot be tolerate din public places, especially since the Great Hall is often occupied by younger, impressionable students._

_He has prior to this shown signs of being a great Quidditch player although liable to bouts of misbehaviour. However continuation of such behaviour may result in him being banned from the Quidditch team._

_I would greatly appreciate your cooperation in resolving these misbehaviours that Scorpius has been engaging in._

_Horace Slughorn_

_Head of Slytherin House_

* * *

_Neville,_

_What the hell has Rose done?_

_Ron_

* * *

_Ron,_

_Grabbed Scorpius and made out with him at breakfast._

_Neville_

* * *

_Neville,_

_WHAT?!_

_Ron_

* * *

_Tori,_

_Cough over the money. My daughter just flung herself at your boy._

_Mione_

* * *

_Mione,_

_For once in their lives, would it kill the men in this family to take initiative? Honestly it was bad enough getting Draco to marry me. I'll give you your winnings this Saturday. We're still up for the Leaky Cauldron right?_

_Tori_

* * *

_Tori,_

_Of course we are. Did you really have to get Draco to marry you? I always thought it would be the other way around. I was hoping that Rose and Scorpius would get stuck under the mistletoe at Christmas but this works out too. I wish I had a picture, just to see Ron turn red._

_Mione_

* * *

_Mione,_

_I have been offered an advance copy of the annual Scorpius Malfoy photobook, complete with make out pictures, by his fanclub's official photographers. For a price of course. Should I buy it or just wait till the prices come down during the holiday season?_

_Tori_

* * *

_Tori,_

_Definitely wait until holiday season; it's just a few weeks after all. Soon they'll both be home and you can torture them at the Malfoy Christmas Ball and I can have my own fun with them at the Burrow_

_Mione_

* * *

_Auror Ronald Weasley,_

_As per the request of a certain student amidst us who shall rename unnamed, the following photo has been forwarded to you free of cost. Kindly find it enclosed within._

_Regards,_

_EI and LP, official photographers for the SMAC_

* * *

_Malfoy,_

_Why is there a picture of my Rose and your baby Ferret kissing in my mail?!_

_Ronald Weasley_

* * *

_Weasley,_

_What? How'd you get yours, my copy of the photobook hasn't arrived yet!_

_Malfoy_

* * *

_Mione,_

_The Ministry's getting complaints about the racket Ron's making. Shut him up already._

_Harry_

* * *

_Harry,_

_On it._

_Mione_

* * *

**Leave a note!**


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor