Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

Ginny Weasley sat in front of the large mirror in the girls dorm, running a brush through her hair, which now was so long that it brushed her... eh... bottom. After that, she took out some black liquid eyeliner and starting putting that on. On the bottle were the words "Cover Witch eyeliner in cat black".

After some pale pink lip gloss, Ginny smacked her lips and admired her appearance. Smiling, she sashayed out of the room and down the winding staircase leading to the Gryffindor common room.

"Hi, G-G-Ginneeee!" squeaked a small voice by the fire. She looked up, letting out a small groan, to see Neville. Ever since she and Harry had their messy breakup, Neville has been her constant companion, opening doors for Ginny and pulling out chairs. It got really annoying, especially since half the time she got hit in the head or fell on her ass.

"Hello, Neville." She said, trying her best to keep the irritation out of her voice.

"Um. Hi. So, where are you headed this morning?"

Ginny paused awkwardly to pull down her too- reveling top, lest Neville get the wrong idea. "Well, I was thinking of... um... taking a walk down in the grounds. You know, with Luna and the girls. A bit of girl time, you know."

"Oh! Ok!" Neville said brightly. "Well, if you wouldn't mind too much... perhaps I could... um, come with you? I fancy I walk myself, you see."

"Ugh. Um, Neville, well not that I wouldn't like your company, but--" Ginny stopped suddenly, her gorgeous dark eyes widening. It was just then that Harry strolled through the portrait hole, hand-and-hand with a giggling Susan Bones.

In a second, Ginny passionately grabbed Neville around the waist and pulled him towards her. Neville's eyes huge with shock, Ginny pressed her lips against his – hard.

"Why, Neville, I would LOVE you to come with me for a stroll."

And then they were out, Ginny's arm wrapped around Neville's waist, passing a startled Harry and a bemused Susan. Harry had dropped Susan's hand and looked like he had just caught McGonagall and Peeves playing footsie.

"YES! Ginny Weasley and Neville Longbottom. MAKING OUT!" chirped Lavender Brown loudly at the Gryffindor table during dinner.

"Ooh! Hehe, I didn't know that Neville was such a player!"

"Well, they DID go to the Yule Ball together, you know. I didn't know it was so serious though! I wonder if that's why she and Harry broke up!"

Harry stared down dismally at his untouched dinner plate, moving around some vegetables with his fork. Ginny and... NEVILLE? The fact that it was Neville she was locking lips with made the whole thing even more insulting. The lion in his stomach, the one that roared whenever his and Ginny's lips touched, whimpered like a wounded puppy dog.

"Harry, are you all right?" asked Hermione, eying her friend curiously.

"Hermione, why bother asking?" Harry scowled. "You already know the answer.""You miss Ginny."

"Oh, really? Well aren't you sharp, hm? You're like... another Professor Trelawny," he spat sarcastically. "Just with worse hair."

Ouch. Hermione didn't like that. A bit sensitive, you see. As well she should be, have you seen her lately? Ever since Viktor sent her that little break-up note... well...

"Fine then! Act all moody and take your anger out on me, the only friend you have left if you don't count SUSAN! You're not the only one who's been through a break-up, you know!" Hermione said bitterly, tears welling up in her eyes. She stood up, leaving her plate full of food, and walked quickly out of the great hall.

Harry knew he should probably go after her and apologize, so he got up as well and followed her.

"Hermione! Wait up! Hey, Hermione, hold on just a second!" Harry called. "Oh, come on Hermione, let's talk. I'm really sorry. Hermione, please? Hermi --" Harry stopped suddenly. "HERMIONE NO! DON'T DO THAT! HERMIONE!"

Hermione now had her wand out, and it was pointed at Harry. She glared at him, tears dripping down her face.

Harry fumbled through his pockets for his own wand, and held it shakily. He was a bit worried. Hermione was a great witch and could probably turn him into a pygmy puff or something. But Ginny liked pygmy puffs --

"LUDCLAXUM!" shrieked Hermione, while Harry was lost in his daydreams.

Ginny slumped into a chair that evening in the common room. Hermione was next to her, doing some knitting, with Crookshanks curled up in her lap and a small white kitten at her feet.

"So, how was your day with Neville?" Hermione asked casually.

"Well, the words awkward and horrific do come to mind."

Hermione smiled. "Why are you dating him, Ginny?"

Ginny sighed. "It's all so confusing. I saw Harry and Susan come in together and I just – snapped. I couldn't take it," she mumbled, crying now. "I can't believe he just replaced me." Tears were streaking down her cheeks fervently.

The little white cat inclined his head to look up at Ginny with it's brilliant green eyes. It walked over to her and rubbed it's head against her foot comfortingly.

Ginny picked it up and placed it on her lap and started to pet it. At this the cat purred loudly.

"Hermione, where did you get this cat?"

"Oh, I found him. Nice fellow, isn't he? I'm calling him Larry. Hey, Ginny, would you like to keep him?"

Ginny nodded. "Yeah, I would. It reminds me of... someone," she said, tracing with her finger a tiny scar on the kitten's head.

Smiling broadly for no particular reason, Hermione collected her things and went up to her dorm, shortly followed by Ginny.

Hermione sat in her bed for a long time that night, looking out her window and thinking about things. And no, she was not thinking about the fact that she had given Ginny Harry in the form of a cat. She was thinking about Viktor and that horrible letter.

She had known this would happen someday. He was so much older, so attractive, so famous. Why would he want a little girl like her anyway?

She saw Viktor everywhere. She even saw him floating outside her dorm window. Longingly, she gazed at the window where her imagination made a picture of Viktor. Oh, all the times they had shared, all the memories.

And now the imagined Viktor at her window was rapping hard on the panes and waving his arms around, mouthing the words "open the window Hermione!".

Ah. He looked dreamy.

Now the imagined Viktor was taking out his wand, mouthing "Alohamora", and opening the dorm window, letting in a cool breeze.

Hermione smiled indulgently at the imagined Viktor.

Then the imagined Viktor said, in a sexy imagined accent, "Hermione, why didn't you open the window!"

Hermione watched the imagined Viktor, and let him talk, smiling and wondering where the real Viktor was now. She let the imagined Viktor say things like, "Are you listening to me, Hermione!" and "Are you alright!".

Finally, the imagined Viktor took a small imagined box out of his pocket, placed it on her bedside table, and left through the window.

"AH!" shrieked Hermione the next morning, upon seeing a beautifully wrapped box by her bed. "HE WAS REAL!"

**Snufflesella:** okay there it is, my first fanfiction! i hope you found it both funny and complicated. in my next you'll hear more from harry the kitten, and it'll be hilarious. you'll hear more from ginny and watch her suffer through neville's company and watch her slowly figure out where harry disappeared to. you'll hear from ron and find out why he's REAL pissed off at harry. & youll also get to find out more about this viktor + hermione thing.

ok, so comment! ill post the next chapter after i get 10 comments. & feel free to give me ideas and what not!


	2. Chapter 2

Ron strolled down into the Gryffindor common room that morning, wearing a collared shirt and jeans. He looked around the nearly empty room, trying to spot Harry. But then he remembered he was supposed to be mad at Harry, and went over to Ginny instead.

She was in a big armchair, a small kitten curled up on her shoulder and licking her ear.

"Where'd you get that?" asked Ron.

"Oh, Hermione gave him to me. His name's Larry."

"Hermione! Is she here? Where is she!"

The little kitten turned to look at Ron, an odd expression on it's face.

"No, she's down at breakfast I think."

"Ok. Wow, Ginny, you look a mess." At this, Larry the kitten extended his claws and swat the air in Ron's direction.

"Thanks a lot, Ron," Ginny replied dryly. "But, I honestly don't see the point in dressing up for... Oh, hi Neville!"

At that moment Neville walked down, smelling oddly of very heavy cologne.

"G-g-good morning, G-Ginny!"

"Um, Neville, I was wondering if we could talk?" Ginny asked hesitantly.

"Oh! Yes, of course – um, h-h-honey. I've been wanting to tell you something, anyway."

Ginny sighed, exasperated. "Um, ok. Ron, would you mind?"

Grinning, Ron got out of his chair, patted a blushing Neville on the shoulder, and left for breakfast.

"So, uh Neville, what did you want to tell me?" Ginny said, scratching her cat behind the ears as she spoke.

"Oh, yes, well... you see, there is another woman in my life."

Ginny's expression brightened. Maybe breaking it off with Neville would be easier than she thought. "Oh! I see, and do you love this special woman?"

"Oh, yes, very much!"

"Well," said Ginny, "I think you should go for it. I'd understand, don't worry about me!"

"R-r-really?" Neville looked nervous. "Well, alright."

And then Neville wrapped his arm around Ginny's neck, drew her close to him, tilted his head slightly and began kissing her.

Ginny gasped, but didn't fight it. She closed her eyes and even kissed him back a little. Neville was actually a very good kisser.

Was Neville's hand making it down her shirt! NO! Only Harry could do THAT!

Ginny pulled away, gasping for air. Neville looked QUITE embarrassed.

Thankfully, however, it wasn't Neville's hand down her shirt. Just Larry, who had probably been getting smashed.

"I-I-I..." Neville looked close to tears. "I'm sorry, Ginny."

"No! No, Neville, it's ok! That's what couples do, you don't need to apologize. But, I thought there was another woman...?"

Neville looked surprised. "Yes! My gran! She was so happy when she heard I had a girlfriend, Ginny! M-my first. She told me I should... k-kiss you."

Ginny was struck dumb. "Mm. Uh-huh. I see. Well..."

But then Neville just started kissing her again. Oh, god.

Harry was VERY unhappy. First of all, he was a cat. Second of all, he had to watch Neville and Ginny french. EW. Third of all, he was a CAT!

But he was with Ginny, and she actually liked him. Which was a good thing. And he was pretty sure Ginny didn't actually like Neville, but he was also pretty sure that she didn't actually like him. In person, that is.

And when was Hermione going to change him back! Classes were tomorrow!

But whatever! Ginny was back!

"Meow!"

"Aw, hi Larry!" Ginny crooned, picking Harry up and placing him on her bed.

Harry licked her hand affectionately.

"Oh, Larry, I don't know what to do!" Ginny sobbed, her face cupped in her hands. "I don't like Neville at ALL! Not in that way, and he keeps kissing me. And, oh Larry, you'd never believe it but his kisses are so good! So I keep kissing back. And everything's a mess, and Harry's with Susan bloody Bones now, and I think I'm just going to die of a broken heart!" Her face was streaked with black now. Apparently she hadn't used waterproof mascara.

Harry was in shock. Ginny still had feelings for him! He stared up at her with sad eyes. When she hurt, he hurt too. So he did what a nice boyfriend would do. He licked her face a bit, and rubbed his head against her cheek.

"Oh, Larry, I don't know what I'm going to do. And you... you remind me so much of Harry. Oh, his eyes. They're perfect. And that scar of his is so damn sexy."

'Ooo.' Harry thought. 'Thanks a lot, Voldemort! You made me sexy!'

And then Ginny got up, and started changing clothes.

'HALELLUJAH!' Harry thought eagerly as Ginny removed her tight t-shirt.

"Oh my god, oh my god, what am I going to do!" Hermione shrieked to Parvati and Lavender later that day.

"Hermione, I'm like so glad you came to us for advice!" cooed Parvati.

"Yes, yes, everything's going to be alright now, Hermione!" sang Lavender.

"Oh, I made a horrible mistake! I thought I was dreaming when I saw him! And look, he left me this gorgeous necklace!" She held up a gold chain with a dazzling sapphire heart on it.

"OH!" gasped Lavender.

"AH!" gasped Parvati.

"That's tres tres divine!"

"It's sooooo ah-door-ah-bul!"

"Okay, so Hermione, do you know where he's staying?"

"No! I wasn't listening to him last night! I thought he was a – a figment of my imagination!"

"Hm, Lavender, it sounds like we've got a Case 34 on our hands."

"I agree, Parvati. Definitely a Case 34. We should do a 109C."

"Most def. 109C will be our best bet."

"What the hell are you girls talking about!"

"How to get back your guy!" they chirped together.

"You know what, never mind. I think I'll just... HEY! LAVENDER! PARVATI! WHAT THE HELL? GET OFF ME! OW!"

Fifteen minutes later, Hermione managed to get out of the grasps of her two dorm mates, with a torn sweater and a black eye.

She made her way down to dinner, sulking all the way. When she got there she took a seat next to Ginny, who had 'Larry' under the table. She was feeding him scraps.

"Hi, Hermione?" came a soft voice from behind her.

Hermione and Ginny turned to see Susan Bones. Ginny scowled and turned away. Hermione raised her eyebrows and said "Yes?". Harry the cat backed away from his new girlfriend, going farther under the table.

"Hermione, have you seen Harry lately? No one I've asked has seen him since yesterday at dinner."

"Oh. Yes, he has been up in his dorm all day, studying." (Ginny raised her eyebrow at this. She knew Hermione was lying, since Harry would never spend a Sunday closed up in his room.)

"Oh, ok. Well, could you tell him I'm looking for him, if you don't mind?"

"Of course I will, Susan!"

"Thanks. Well, bye Hermione. Bye Ginny."

Ginny was feeding her cat a piece of turkey when she noticed it's scar. It was hard to tell, but it was in the shape of a lightning bolt. She gasped.

"HERMIONE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Hermione looked amused. "Oh, Parvati and Lavender already did that..."

"Hermione, 'Larry' is not a cat, is he?"

Hermione giggled. "Well..."

"'Larry' is actually 'Harry'. Am I right!" Ginny looked VERY angry.

"Well, yes."

Ginny angrily stood up and lifted up her 'cat'. "DID YOU PUT HER UP TO THIS!" she yelled at Harry. Suddenly the whole great hall was silent, all eyes on Ginny, who looked like she was abusing her pet.

From the staff table, Dumbledore gave Ginny an appraising look and McGonagall looked shocked. Harry the cat looked like he had chocked on a fur ball.

In a loud voice, Professor McGonagall said, "Miss Weasley, there are to be no animals in the great hall!"

Ginny, blushing furiously, took Harry and went out of the great hall, beckoning for Hermione to follow.

"Ginny, this wasn't Harry's idea. I got mad at him yesterday and transformed him into a cat. And then... well, I thought maybe you two would make up if you got some alone time together, so I gave him to you..."

"Hermione, what kind of bullshit idea was THAT?" snapped Ginny. "He was a CAT. A CAT, Hermione!"

Harry was on the floor, looking timid.

"Here, I'll change him back --" began Hermione.

"No! Take him back to the common room and change him back, I don't want to see him right now!" she cried, tears caressing her cheeks.

Harry went over to her to rub against her foot, but that just made her cry harder. She ran who knows where, without looking back.

With an apologetic look at Harry, Hermione picked him up and started toward the common room.

**Snufflesella:** Well, I hoped you liked chapter two! Go and review away! Chapter 3 will be posted after 5-10 more reviews ;)

I still need new ideas, so keep them coming!

In chapter three, you can expect to see more of Viktor Krum, a big fight involving Ron, Harry, and Ginny, and more of Neville, the uber great kisser. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Ron looked extremely startled. What the hell was his sister just doing! Whatever, now everyone was staring at him. Great. He ducked down a bit in his seat and started down at his plate.

After most people were done eating, Dumbledore stood up. The whole room quieted.

"Students, I have some most unfortunate news. Our DADA teacher, Professor Patel, has acquired dragon pox and will be in St. Mungos for the remainder of term. I'd like to present our new teacher, Professor Krum."

The whole room gasped.

"Professor KRUM! As in VIKTOR Krum!"

"Ohmigawd I wonder if he'd sign my boob!"

"So that's why he stopped playing quidditch!"

Viktor Krum walked into the great hall and made his way up to the staff table, where he waved to the students, who were now applauding him, and sat down.

"Professor, would you like to say a few words?" Dumbledore grinned.

"Well, I would like to thank you for allowing me to teach here at Hogwarts. And, I hope you all will enjoy my classes."

One girl from the Hufflepuff table screamed, "I LOVE YOU VIKTOR KRUM!"

After that, everyone made their way back to their common rooms, Ron chatting with Dean, Seamus, Parvati, and Lavender about the arrival of Viktor Krum.

When they walked through the portrait hole, they saw Harry and Ginny yelling at each other, and Hermione sitting timidly in the background.

"GINNY, YOU ARE ACTING LIKE THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! I DIDN'T ASKED TO BE TURNED INTO A DAMN CAT!"

"BUT YOU NEVER MADE ANY EFFORT TO CONVINCE ME THAT YOU WEREN'T! YOU JUST SAT THERE LETTING ME PET YOU AND CONFIDE IN YOU AND CHANGE MY DAMN CLOTHES IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"WHAT! I WASN'T WATCHING!"

"BULLSHIT! YOU'RE A GUY, OF COURSE YOU WERE WATCHING!"

"OH, DON'T FLATER YOURSELF, GINNY!"

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!"

"HARRY, GINNY, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Ron yelled, joining in the love fest.

"STAY OUT OF THIS RON!" shrieked Ginny.

"YES, PLEASE GO (bleep) YOURSELF, THIS ISN'T YOUR FIGHT!" raged Harry.

"COULD YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP AND KISS!" said Hermione. Neville, who was sitting near her, glared at her.

And then Harry passionately scooped Ginny into his arms, brushed his hand through her hair, and kissed her. The whole room erupted into cheers, except for Neville, who was crying, and Ron, who was kicking things.

Just kidding. Actually, Ginny just slapped Harry hard in the face, and Neville's face lit up.

Neville held out his arms, but Ginny ignored him and Harry felt like hexing him.

"HARRY JAMES POTTER, COME NEAR ME AGAIN AND YOU'RE DEAD!"

Ron cheered and hugged his sister. Everyone else looked shocked, except for a few girls who were giggling.

"THANKS A LOT HERMIONE!" Harry roared, and he made his way to the boy's dorm.

That night, Hermione waited to see if Viktor would come back. She stayed up to the wee hours of the morning, and to no avail. Her "friends" had neglected to tell her that he was staying at Hogwarts as a teacher.

So she looked really bad the next day, with dark circles under her eyes that no amount of magical concealer could cover.

And to top it all off, she feel asleep at breakfast and her head fell in her bowl of cereal.

So, needless to say, when she walked into DADA with Ron and Dean, she was pretty damn embarrassed when she saw Viktor Krum sitting at Professor Patel's desk. He didn't see her go in, fortunately, so she just ran back out and into the girl's loos for the remainder of the lesson.

Ron and Dean stared after her. Hermione, ditching a class?

But whatever. So, Ron sat with Dean, Parvati sat with Lavender, Seamus sat with Neville, who was looking quite forlorn, and the rest of the Gryffindor's paired up. Harry came in last, and took a desk by himself. He had heard Seamus talking the day before, so he was not surprised when he saw Krum.

Next, in came the Slytherins. Crabbe with Goyle, Pansy with one of her ugly friends, etc. Malfoy was the last in. He scanned the room, looking for a place to sit.

"Crabbe, go sit by Potter," he ordered.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

Malfoy turned to see Krum. He sneered at him. "Yes, Professor?" he emphasized the last word.

"I will not allow you to order my students about. I am the teacher, not you. You will sit in any available spot you can find."

Harry looked up, startled. His eyes met Malfoy's. They glared at each other. They glared at "Professor Krum". They sneered at each other. They sneered at Krum. Then Malfoy took the seat next to Harry.

"I'm warning you, Pothead. Don't make me angry." Malfoy said out of the corner of his mouth. Then he turned to smile at Pansy, who was waving flirtatiously at Malfoy and making rude hand gestures at Harry.

"Or what? You'll sic Parkinson on me?"

This made Ron, who was sitting in front of them, laugh, though he stifled it quickly. The guy behind him broke his sister's heart, after all.

The lesson went really well. They practiced some really advanced hexes, and Malfoy had to go to the hospital wing half-way through class, thanks to Harry's hexing expertise.

So after that Harry practiced with Krum, which was really quite enjoyable. They caught up, and soon they were talking and laughing about the TriWizard Tournament while hexing each other.

Harry and Krum were pretty evenly matched, but Harry was a little bit better. Everyone was really impressed.

After class, to Harry's dismay, Susan caught up with him, forced her hand in his, and started bombarding him with questions, such as "Why didn't you meet me Sunday like you were supposed to?".

To make matters worse, the pair passed Ginny in the hall, who ignored them both. Harry's heart felt dead.

Little did he know, Ginny had the strong temptation to kick Susan, wrap herself in Harry's arms, and make out for long hours.

And then there was Hermione, crying her eyes out all day in the loos. "Oh, Viktor! Does he love me? Does he hate me! Did I miss my chance!"

Harry and Susan were cuddled up next to each other under a tree, Susan's arm around Harry's neck, tickling his neck annoyingly every few seconds. Harry was about to make some excuse so he could leave, when he saw Luna and Ginny, walking through the grounds, towards Hagrid's cabin. Suddenly an idea struck him.

"Susan, I, erm- have to go do some homework. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" Harry kissed her forehead lightly, she giggled and nodded, he left.

He ran up to his dorm, pulled out his invisibility cloak, which he had recently nicknamed Edward, and ran back down again.

He found Ginny and Luna sitting down in the pumpkin patch, talking and picking randomly at flowers.

"So, how're things with Neville?" Luna asked.

"Oh, just fine and dandy! I'm having a lovely time with him." Ginny chirped sarcastically.

"Really?"

"No, Luna. I was kidding."

"Oh. So, what about Harry...?"

"Don't talk about him!"

"Oh, so you don't like him anymore?"

Ginny grunted. "No."

Luna brightened. "So, you wouldn't mind if I asked him to the Wizard Prom?"

Ginny looked abashed. "LUNA!"

"I can kid too, you know," Luna giggled. "So, you do still like him?"

Ginny paused. "Like him? No. Love him? Certainly." She sighed, running her hand through her hair. "I wish he would just come up and kiss me, and make everything better."

And then, of course Harry had to sneeze. He tried to run away a bit, first. But it was a very loud sneeze. Both of the girls stood up and looked around and saw not a soul.

Ginny gasped. She had been doing a lot of that lately. She turned to whisper something in Luna's ear.

Harry didn't move. He didn't dare, lest they hear him.

"Harry!" called Ginny. "I know you heard what I just said! Now let me tell you something! You have spied on me for the last time. I don't care what you just heard, I wouldn't take you back if you were the LAST MAN ALIVE!"

Then Harry walked toward her, still cloaked in invisibility, picked her up and kissed her.

She gasped (again).

Ron was extremely upset. Not because his ex-bff had just kissed his sister, who didn't want to be kissed in the first place. No, he didn't know about that YET.

No, he was upset for two entirely different reasons. First, though he didn't like to admit it, he missed Harry. It wasn't any fun hanging out with Dean, Seamus, Lavender, and Parvati, especially when all the girls did was giggle excessively and try to get down his pants.

The other thing he was upset about? One very long word: antidisestablishmentarianism.

No, just kidding. I meant to say Hermione.

She was all over Krum like a fat kid all over cupcakes. And he'd never tell her, but he was all over her like a bulimic kid all over the toilet. And all she did lately was sulk and cry and wallow in self-pity because dearest Viktor broke up with her. She couldn't see that there were other guys, better guys, right under her nose.

Hm, too bad.

**Snufflesella: **Next chapter, you'll find out what happens with Ginny and Harry, and there will be a lot of new, hilarious stuff. 10 more comments guys and chapter 4 will be up ;)


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance