Resident Evil 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I have not, nor do I think I every shall own Resident Evil 4 and/or the song Build A God, Then We'll talk by Panic! At The Disco. Dude don't I wish though? I do however own any original material from the plot, including but not limited to original characters Rain, Mikaela, and the two special agents. As well as the same pair of panties that the main character wears throughout the story. No lie.

**Warnings include: **OC and/or self insert, violence, copious amounts of swearing, and many many childish and/or immature sexual innuendos, comments and suggestions. Don't like any of it? Go shove a fork in a light socket. I have better things to do with my time and so do you. Flames will summarily be marked as spam, and deleted as such. Constructive criticism is accepted, and in fact hoped for as I wish to improve my skills as a writer. Also, everyone gets bashed at some point in this story even the main charecter, dont take it personal. She sure doesnt, and neither do I.

**Reviews:** Welcome, but not necissary as this work is mostly finished. Although I would love any suggestions you might have as far as charecter development goes.

**Started:** March 20, 2010

**Finished:** N/A

* * *

Build a God, The We'll talk.

By: Tamuril Telrunye

* * *

"The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde, And the habit of decomposing right before your very la la la la eyes. Along with the people inside" hummed my headphones steadily as I dropped my fare into the box before jumping down the stairs of the city bus. I could never walk down them no I had to jump, and I stopped to adjust the strap of my messenger bag.

I was well on my way to work... Or school, and work.

Well either way you look at it, it was both. 95% of my time? Spent at school, which as I have said is ALSO work. And it goes on from there but I will leave off here for the sake of your sanity, not mine because have none left. I am a college student, we are more prone to loosing sanity then most. With a grin I set off for the library, heavy bag in tow as I pulled my shirt down further to negate the early morning chill. I spent a few minutes there, printing papers and sorting through lists before heading toward the school bookstore. Ah the bookstore, my first love and greatest bane.

I whipped around the corner of the building, to intent on reaching the bookstore in time to realize that someone else was heading the other direction. I bounced off a soft meaty wall, landing on my butt while cursing. A grunt from the wall was all I needed to know that it was indeed animate, and I had just made an ass out of myself.

"Sorry." I squeaked, pushing myself to my feet and taking a good look at the walking wall. Not a bad looking wall, if you discard the ugly scar marring the left half of his face as well as part of the right. He wore a black shirt, skin tight revealing hard packed muscle. He also wore camo pants and a strange belt/holster arrangement.

"Che, watch where yer going kid." Was all he said before turning to leave, stopping short for a moment. "Hey, you know where the administration building is in this place?"

I wasn't surprised that he didn't know, the campus was pretty confusing.

"Yeah," I dusted myself off before walking over towards him pointing, "See that building there?" I pointed to the cafeteria, "It's just behind it, see the further up the hill you go, the more important the building. Ain't nothing in this campus strait forward."

"Thanks," was all He said before stomping off.

Ex-military? Had to be, oh well.

Now. Where was I? Oh yes, the bookstore.

I worked at the bookstore. Why was it my first love you ask? Because I loved to read, I loved the write and I loved working with books.

And my greatest bane? Because I could only take so many idiots before I snapped, and started drawing mustaches on school newspapers... I know, not a terrible threat. But I find if I vent my anger on other people nothing good comes of it. And there is a lot of anger to vent, particularly when idiot in question makes a crack about how expensive books are. Yes, we know they are expensive. There is NOTHING we can do about it, we DONT control the price of the books. The publishing companies do, and it's a bitch. We barely make enough as a store to support the staff that we have, trust me I know. I will NEVER make a cent above minimum wage. Nor will anybody else in the store.

I worked primarily as info desk personnel, which is both a blessing and a curse. But taken into the proper perspective anything can be, so I don't dwell. Only accept the fact and move on.

Live is hard, nothing new to see here move along.

Really, I do love my job. I just put up with a lot of crap, and it makes me crabby.

And sarcastic. No wait, I'm always sarcastic.

Oh well.

I slipped into the back room, closing the door only just so. Making sure the next person could get in. "Good morning." I threw over the barrier between me and the back room manager, as I heard her talking to someone on the phone. Poor Anya, always busy. She is my hands down fave. manager, always sweet, always understanding. I liked to talk with her about books, she knows just about everything about the bookstore and then some.

"Good Morning Rain." Was thrown back.

I waved at Sammy, the ordering manager. She was wonderful, if a little quiet. But I always put that down to her being distracted, as she was now making coffee and on the phone with some business or another. She was also always busy.

I opened my locker (Which wasn't really mine, I didn't have one so I used someone else's and they didn't care) and dropped my bag and coat off inside. Pulling out a stack of papers I grabbed a cup of coffee before dropping my papers off at the front, and heading back to check on the schedule. It never changed to drastically, but this was finals week and I wanted to make sure that I was clear on my hours.

The billing managers office was dark, as it always was in the morning but I flipped the lights on as I noted the lack of change in my hours before tottering off to clock in, and turn the lights on in the general manager's office. I know what you're thinking, four managers really?

Yes, four managers. Because we deal with so much merchandise, be it books, computer software, or just plain school supplies we had to have more than one manager. And they worked their butts off. I usually arrived before most of them, mostly because I took the bus. But we won't tell anyone else that.

I scampered up to the help desk, and set it back to rights. Turning chaos into order once more as I scowled at the mess that the evening worker left. Although I could hardly blame them, but I was still put out. As I usually was, but only because I could be. I brightened back up as I sipped from my morning cup of ambrosia, before waving at the cashiers and opening up the doors.

Same ol same ol.

I smiled at the frantic students as they grabbed last minute test supplies, or food or energy drinks. A lot of them had pulled all-nighters, not the best way to approach a test. But to each their own. I grimaced as I read over some last minute hasty notes. A familiar sweater came into view just above the desk as I scowled at a confusing tid bit, before perking up and pulling a face at my friend Mikaela.

"I cannot understand how you can be so perky in the morning, for a self professed night owl." She grumbled, taking a long drink from a paper Stirbucks cup.

"Takes practice." I paused for a moment, "And copious amounts of coffee... And music."

"Weirdo."

"Yes and?" She stuck her tongue out at me as I pulled a spare chair over. "So... What's crackin mclackin."

I couldn't help grinning at our usual (But weird) catch phrase, it was the bastard child of a mocking attempt at street and a bad nickname for her place of work. I'll let you put two and two together.

"Its club business." Ah crap. I must have also voiced this sentiment because she was grinning.

"I thought you would give me that look." Or Not.

"So, yeah. What about?"

"Weeeeeeeeellllll, you know how there's this big to do about the president's daughter visiting?"

"Yes."

"Weeeeeeeeeellllllllll, you know how she is going to be touring around the school, right?"

"Yes." I felt a scowl work into place.

"Your gonna show her around."

"NANI?"

"I thought you would say that."

"Why the FUCK should I show her around?"

"Because it has been delegated as such." She said, hands in guarded pose in front of her.

"Or not? I am getting low man on the totem-poled again aren't I?"

"Yep."

"I hate you, just so's you know."

"I know."

"Shouldn't the Dean or at the very least the student body president be doing this? I mean, I know he isn't a fan but it is HIS job to deal with the hoity toity."

"Well, generally yes. But the Dean is in Mexico, a late vacation or something. Can't make it back on time, and the student body president is sick in the hospital. The doctors think he has some obscure virus."

"Joy. Soooooo, why delegate to me hu? Yer the big cheese of our group."

"It is true that I am the president of the hospitality club, but I am afraid my attention is elsewhere. And I don't trust anyone else not to scare her away."

"What you mean is that you are too busy prepping for finals because you slacked off until now, and your shoving this duty off on me not only because I have one final to go but because I am your friend, and I will forgive you for it. Right?"

"... Yes, actually. Do you still love me?" She gave me her patented kicked puppy look and I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I still less than three you. Now go, I must work if I am to school in the future."

"YAY," she glomped me in my chair before skipping to the door, "She gets here tonight m'kay, so be polite and don't make too many voodoo dolls. Five-ish like, in front of administration." And off she went, and I still wanted to kick her.

* * *

Reporters abounded, looky loos and school reps floating around in loose form of order. And I sat center stage, twitching at the occasional click of a shutter or screech of a mic. I really am not a people person, seriously. If I am not at work I won't consider say two word to most people, unless they talk to me first.

A nod and a wave is the most people will get without starting the conversation.

I am of two minds most of the time. Buttttttttt, back to the zoo at hand. And what a zoo it was too.

A limousine pulled into the schools entrance, and shutters started clacking like a jittery tap dancer. Drowning out anything and everything around me as I tried to calm my heart rate and block out the noise. I have sensitive ears.

The limo pulled up and out walked a dark haired agent, and another, then a young blond haired woman in an orange shirt and green skirt combo. It struck me as an odd thing to wear, but whatever as long as she was comfortable what did I care? I mean, I was wearing black jeans, and a red polo shirt. Nothing to spiffy, professional casual as someone told me once.

Either way, she walked out to the little podium we had and made a speech, something about being glad that she was on her way home finally. And that she was glad to be able to visit our little community college, on the way (Which was bull, because we were WAY out of the way). More simpering, a speech about higher learning ect. Long and short of the whole act was over before she was introduced to me as her 'Guide' we did the whole shake hands and smile for the camera bit, and we were off as I pointed out different buildings commenting on purpose, and explaining their history.

It wasn't to different from orientation for new students (Which I've done a million times) save for the crowd of followers that seemed intent on catching any fault or misstep on my part... Although I am sure that any misstep on my part wouldn't be as juicy as one of hers.

I almost felt sorry for her.

There's the key word.

Almost.

I lead her towards the employee lounge in central admin building, a brief respite from the retinue of gawking gophers that called themselves people. I 'gently' slammed the door to the lounge shut with a sigh, glaring at the wood between, me and the people outside as if it had done me a personal wrong. Was it too much to ask it to exploded, and kill the crowd outside? I really don't like people.

Particularly large crowds. Turning back, I noticed that the special agents, whom I have been referring to as Tim and Tom (They looked so much alike I COULDNT distinguished between them. Which is, let's face it very frightening in its own way. I half expected them to call me "Mr. Anderson."). They were speaking low into their nifty head sets, conferring back and forth between themselves and someone else. Before a brief pause.

I walked towards the snack table that had been set up, grabbing a bottle of water and shoving it into my bag. Helping myself to a couple of cookies, I grabbing a few for later as well. I raided the little table as subtly as possible, before the blond cleared her throat loudly.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking advantage of the spread."

"No, your stealing."

"Not stealing if your allowed to take it, 'sides they'll just throw it away or let it go bad. I am doing the world a favor by stocking up." What can I say? Call it a hoarders mindset but, I have the urge to squirrel things away for use in the future. Not everything mind you, just things I see as useful. And food is definitely useful.

"You'll never be able to eat it all. You'll just end up wasting it too."

"And that is where your wrong. I will eat it regardless of its state." Which is also, regretfully true. I don't waste food, even if its stale it's still edible. Albeit a little on the crunch side.

"That's just, ew that is gross."

"You've clearly never been a starving college student before."

"I am too a college student."

"Yes, but you are hardly starving." She didn't seem to have much to say to that, as I downed another cookie before picking up a few oranges and shoving them into my pack. Another loud clearing of a voice and I turned towards the agent closest to us.

"Miss." the agent nodded at me. This is where I get in trouble. "Miss Graham."

"Yes," her thick country drawl coming out.

"There appears to be a problem, we are going to deal with it accordingly. James will stay here with you while I sort it out." Hu, James then? I looked at the other man, he appeared to be a bit younger. The junior agent I guess? "Ok, be careful."

"Yes Ma'am."

And off he went, I wonder what could be so important that one of the ticks would leave to investigate... Ok, so I ain't being fair with that nickname. They are secret service, but they still tick me off...

Get it, Tick? Ah, you got no sense of humor.

Either way. A good five minutes passes us by, and I am still eating and squirreling. If she ain't gonna eat it I will, I mean I am a growing girl... Meanwhile I was watching the agent out of the corner of my eye, and I didn't like what I was seeing.

Where special agents suppose to sweat in cool weather? And he kept fidgeting. Body language is a good indicator of the sort of situation one is in... Perhaps it's time I make my exit. The lobby of the building seemed to be clear now, looky loo's attention spans mirroring the goldfish in length. But before I could do anything else I was stopped by a hand on my bicep. A loud sound, almost like someone dropping one of the metal chairs off the second floor. But not.

They say the mind will rationalize just about anything, like for instance a gun shot? Well mine did, for about five seconds.

But I knew, deep down that it was a gunshot. As sure as I knew as a child that the gun my grandpa put in my hands on the range could kill a man, if I learned to aim it right. And I did, one of the few things my Grandfather got to teach me before his last stroke. The agent dove at us pulling us both behind a table, pulling his own side arm.

"Miss, is their another way out of this room?"

"Yeah," I paused half panicked, "This way."

He grabbed the president's daughter Ashley? and pushed her towards me, following as I ran toward the back door. It led (Creatively) out the back of the building, and into the small garden that the Botany club used as a show area. It was never used because it led through the bed of flowers, but I don't think anyone will give a fig about it at the moment. I led them towards the corner of the building, there was a trail we could use to get her to the limo.

I highly doubt anyone will care about me after she's safe. Another gunshot, this one not far behind us. And as I whipped around the corner my mind screamed a warning but my body didn't follow, in fact all other thought was dashed from my mind as I grumbled about the second strangely flesh colored wall I'd just run into that day.

Who put a wall there anyways?

Wait... That's not a wall. A man, no the man I'd run into earlier. Blond hair under red beret, scarred face grinning almost manically.

"Well, well, well. What have we here, A couple of school girls get lost out on a trip?"

Shit... Shit... Shitake mushrooms on holy toast. Not good. The agent raised his side arm, shoving Ashley behind him, and the blond man grabbed me. And now I am a meat shield, mommy aren't your proud? I went to college for this? Oh how far I've come.

"Shoot and you kill the girl."

"Let the girl go, she isn't involved."

"Oh I wouldn't say that, I think she just got involved."

A scuffle was taking place behind the agent, the other agent fighting hand to hand with someone else and I prepared to make my move. Someone in black stepped up behind agent Jim, and I moved. Bringing up my foot I stomped on his instep bit his arm and pulled him up and over my shoulder in a move that would have made my contrary self defense instructor cry. I dodge towards the trees, running for a small stand of rose bushes.

But there was an opening that led deeper into the huge bush, and I knew safety when I saw it. A scream behind me told me that Ashley hadn't been as lucky as I had, and as I hit the edge of my bolt hole I felt a grip on the back of my shirt. Dragging me backwards I felt my hands scrap on gravel as I struggled, fighting for anything. Fighting for everything. I didn't know what this person wanted with me, and I wasn't going to give up without a fight.

"Fuckin hellcat." I heard, it was the blond man. I kicked up without aiming, catching soft flesh. A sound of pain as hands immediately dropped me, and off I was again actually making it partially into the bush before my shoulder bag got caught on the thorns surrounding me and a hand gripped the loose waistband of my pants. "Not so fast bitch."

And he was right, as I wriggled out of my pants almost home free. Before a hand gripped my ankle and pulling me back despite my kicks. Thorns dug into my shirt, holding me and digging into my skin before I the force behind me proved to be to much.

"God damn." My ankle was let go, as a large hand once more gripped the back of my shirt another large hand pressing a wet cloth to my mouth and nose. MUST NOT INHALE! Hold breath, hold breath, my mind screamed at me as my body fought for air. Or rather fought to release carbon monoxide. I hit and kick, struggling for all I was worth. This man could kill me, or worse. I wasn't gonna just let that happen. But even as my blows weakened I knew I'd used up most of my cards, and for a moment I pretended to go limp. Hoping he would fall for it, but no such luck. He punched a fist into my stomach, forcing air out of my lungs and the foul substance in. And I knew no more.

* * *

And what seemed like only a few minutes later, I felt the ache and pound of my mind. Cringing as the ground moved beneath me... Wait, ground. Moving?

Not bloody likely. I was in a vehicle, and a loud one. I played possum for awhile, listening to some sort of conversation.

"Aww what is that, a love bite?" A sultry female voice said.

"Shut up, bitch bites like a horse."

"And what do you plan to do with her? It isn't like Saddler needs her for anything. You have the President's daughter, why kidnap her friend?"

"Because I figure I can impress him with an idea I had."

"Oh? Do enlighten me."

"Figure this, two pawns are better than one."

"Now that's clever Krauser, and here I thought you had trouble putting two and two together."

"Bitch, you don't shut yer mouth I'll do it for yah."

"Now that isn't nice."

"Wesker don't pay me to be nice." I heard a clacking of heels, and then nothing but the hum of an engine as it lulled me from my drugged haze and back into the realm of half dreams.

* * *

A/N: If Krauser seems to be a bit OOC at the begining, it's because I am working off the assumption that he at least has some humanity in him, if not much. He's in public, and as far as anyone is concerned a normal if heavily scarred guy. On that I would like to fricken complain, I had to go back and slap the paragraphs back into place because the document manager seems to be incapable of doing so. It make's me angreh! So yeah, if something seems off its prolly cause of that.


	2. Denial Is Not A River In Egypt

**Title: **_Build A God, Then We'll Talk._

**Summary: **The plot thickens, the dice roll.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **More Swearing, expect it.

**Author Notes: **Yeah, I know in the game Leon is suppose to hear about Ashley's location within a few hours, but thats not realistic. Think about it.

**Disclaimer: **I alas own nothing but Rain, mores the pity.

* * *

**Chapter Two:** Denial is not a river in Egypt

**By:** Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

Another not quiet moment, and I was awake again. This place wherever it was, was drafty. I was propped against someone else, I could tell it was someone because they were warm and breathing. And at the very least in the same state of not quiet there as I was. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the fuzz and steady ache of my drugged sleep.

"I see your point." Said a voice with an unfamiliar drawl, a strange accent that I couldn't quiet place.

"Like I said," the all too familiar man's voice said, "Aint quiet the best idea to put all yer eggs in one basket, so to speak."

"Indeed. Quiet the brilliant plan on your part Krauser," The other male voice said. "Never the less, I shall have to use another sample... Hmmmmmmmm."

So the bastards name was Krauser?

Fucker is on my shit list for life. Just so's yah know.

I tried to lift my head a bit, but a beam of light fell a crossed my eyelids and I recoiled with a sputtering hiss. I hated light in my eyes, particularly just after waking. I must have caught their attention, not that I wouldn't after that particular display. But I digress, their attention was now on me and the suddenly whimpering mass of Ashley at my back. So she was awake to? Man do I fail at being subtle.

"So our dear little girls are awake?" Said the strange voice as my eyes crept open slowly, glare level set to kill. Pedo much?

"Indeed it seems so."

A whimpering at my back made me twitch slightly in annoyance, it was too early to deal with high pitched noises... Regardless of what time it was.

"Did you enjoy your little trip children?" I could only stare as the man in question, walked into my line of sight. And I felt my brain snap a bit as the level of evil in the room was kicked up a notch. A purple cloak with a green design on it swathed an unnaturally tall man, pale blue eyes staring out from underneath the hood. "I am Osmund Saddler, your gracious and benevolent host."

I raised a brow... Definitely evil... Ok evil test question one, make a simple request.

"Can I go home now?"

"Most certainly my dear, as soon as we are finished with you." Not good.

"I don't suppose we are going to just sit down, and have a nice tea party?"

"I am afraid not dear girl. You are to be graced with our," he paused for one long moment "Unique gifts."

Oh joy. If he says something about bearing children, I plan on swallowing my tongue. Hell to the no. I heard feet shuffling behind me, and the whimpering behind me go worse. Twisting my head a bit, I noted a man in a black hooded robe moving towards us syringe in hand. I took one look at the weirdo, made a connection and wiggled with all of my might towards the door of to the left of this freak building.

Bastard cross between a mad scientists lab, and a hospital (Now that I think of it there isn't much of a difference) that it was. Needles are a BIG no no on my list. Gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta get away. I grabbed at Ashley behind me, pitched myself forward and levered myself up (My knees are gonna hurt for this) carrying her dead weight like a sack of potatoes. Not easy when yer hands are tied. And I was away... For two point five seconds.

"Not so fast." And once more I was dragged backwards, by my new accessory backpack that also doubles as the President's daughter.

"Better Separate these two, this one ain't nothin but trouble." I glared at the blond man, Krauser? Mentally putting him through years of torture via paperwork.

"I hope it rots and drops off." Was the best insult I could come up with at the time, a glower being his only reply. The brief flash of a knife and I felt rope binding me to Ashley come loose, and I made a break for it. That also lasted about two seconds as Krausers big hand grasped my wrist, wrapping around my thin limb as though it were some sort of shackle. Fucker... No you fuck her, you brought her. Damn it brain, that is NOT helping. He was tall now that I had time to notice it, not quite as tall as Saddler per say.

But at least six two... And stocky for that matter, funny the things you notice when you are avoiding reality. I am five foot even on a good day, so feeling short is nothing new to me. But now I was feeling helpless, as this MALE towered over me. Tall solid form radiating a strength that my body and heart knew I couldn't overcome.

One thing most men don't realize is this, by merely being male you are intimidating. Odd as it may seem, have you ever noticed that the more feminine males usually have more friends that are female? There is a reason for this. I shuddered unconsciously as I tried to redirect my current train of thought, hoping to focus on some happier subject. But I knew it would not come. As surely as I couldn't control the feeling of helplessness, this was a bitter cruel snake in my belly that made my stomach twist and unsettle. I could feel a mask of cold calm fall over my features, mind not consciously willing to let him have the upper hand. Ever.

"Watch yourself kid, try to run again and I'll be forced to do something unpleasant."

I kicked and struggled as he dragged me over to a strange table, straps made of leather making my mind struggle with a half hysterical joke about kinky sex and what he could use all those belt on him for. Before being slapped onto the table like a slab of meat.

"Quite the fighter aren't you my dear?" Saddler, "Do not worry, it will only hurt for a moment. And then you shall be one of us."

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt. Krauser moved the straps and fastened them accordingly, as I kicked and flailed with all my might to get away. The strange black hooded man walked towards me again, and with a cry of triumph my leg popped free and I kick him square in the jaw. He fell backwards and the syringe shattered on the ground.

"Now that was uncalled for," growled Saddler, glower set to kill, "We only seek to show you the light dear girl. Now you have destroyed our precious sample." he issued an order to the black robed individual, and he shuffled off to do something.

"Told yah, she's a fighter."

"Indeed. We shall have to adjust our plans accordingly," The black robed individual was back, "I have decided that we shall honor your fighting spirit," he paused not doubt for dramatic effect, "With greater gift then I had initially thought you worthy of. After all, a strength must be met with strength."

"You can't be serious," Krauser took a step towards Saddler, "You can't be thinking of-"

"Indeed I am." Cut in Saddler as the black robed man handed another syringe to him, "What better vessel for our dearest child then a child who is herself a fighter? Indeed I think these two shall suit each other well. Hold her down, we do not want a repeat of our last attempt to bless her. Particularly since this little one is so much more precious."

The straps were tightened further, my leg shoved back into place as Krauser grabbed my chin forcing me to look away, and exposing my neck with a bruising force. I felt the sharp needle, the pinch and prick. And then they painful stretching of something foreign and far to large being forced into my veins. My body screamed with the violation of it all, being forced to carry this THING inside of me now. I am sure at that moment if I had been able to, I would have gouged my own throat out to get rid of it. Much like a fox biting off its own leg to escape a trap. And then I felt my body go lax of its own accord.

"Ah, I see the drugs are kicking in." Saddler said and he handed the empty syringe back to the hooded man. "Do not worry, it is merely a cocktail of chemicals meant to ease your mind through the transition."

Krauser let go of my chin, and I felt my head lolled to down as I fought to keep a coherent stream of thoughts in my head.

"Take the girl to the shack in the valley. We do not want these two kept together, least they conspire to escape. Or some such nonsense. I shall inject the other and have her moved to the church until our demands are met."

"Right." The straps were released, and I was heaved over Krausers meaty shoulder like a sack of grain. Asshat. My recollection of the time between the compound (For that is the only thing It could have been) and the shack I was brought was very... Hazy, to say the least. I remembered bits, and pieces. Moments of darkness, or bright sunlight, strange red eyes glowing at me from darkness and shadow. It was like a nightmare, a showcase of different horrors just out of reach but waiting. Waiting to catch you, and devour you whole. I cite in particular a moment when it seemed as thought I was suspended above a seemingly bottomless canyon, weak planks between me and the nothingness bellow.

A terror seized me then, and I felt myself struggle albeit weakly with a cursing Krauser to get away from the bottomlessness surrounding me. Another brief hazy moment, and I was in a cabin... Or shack. I couldn't say, all I knew beyond that was that I was the wooden crates and random tools. A bit of movement off to my left made me start, before I realized that it was only Krauser. Cotton mouth getting the better of me as I spoke.

"Well, not exactly the face I wanted to wake up to in the morning."

"Hu," He took a swing from a canteen and I felt all my senses hone in on the fact that he had WATER, and I needed water NOW. "Now that aint any way to talk to the man in charge."

"I apologize for my contrary nature, I was not informed that one should be cooperative whilst being kidnapped." Was my only reply.

"And here I thought you might be thirsty," he took a long swig from his canteen. "Guess not."

"Are you kidding? You kidnapped me during FINALS week. I am in LOVE with you." That certainly got me a look. "I'm joking. Look, give me some water and I will say ANYTHING you want me too."

"Anything?"

"Sans the degrading and/or sexual yes."

"There goes my fun."

"Ain't that a bitch."

"Yup, and so is this. Looks like I'm out of water."

"EH?" Not fare. I felt my eyes go wide, and I took a note outta Mikaela's book and gave him The Look. We are very good at The Look.

"Your eyes get any bigger, and they'll fall outta yer head."

"Asshole."

"That's what they say."

"Seriously though. I am dying of thirst here."

"Che, if I give you some water will you shut up?"

"Yes, most definitely." He walked over and pressed a the canteen to my lips, smirking at me as I noticed his lie. And glowered at him for it. But I drank deep from the canteen, savoring the water even though it had a slight metallic tang to it. A few hours past between us, silence reigning supreme as I amused myself with my own imagination before I noticed that I lacked pants... When had that happened? I intended to make a fuss about it, but was distracted by something a little more urgent.

"Do you know where the little girls room is?"

"What?" His only response as he stopped sharpening his knife and looked over at me.

I spoke up louder, "I Need To Pee."

"Oh."

"Yeah oh."

"Well there ain't one."

"Yer shitin me."

"Nope."

"Well I have to go SOMETIME. Unless of course you want me to pee my pants... Didn't know you had that kinda kink." The look on his face was priceless.

"Shut up." He growled before removing the ropes around me, "There's an area at the back of the cabin, you can go there."

And down a long hallway past an open window and a suspicious typewriter, out into the bright light of day, and around the back of the cabin. There was a wall of planks, and two barrels sat side by side. Turning I sent a glare Krausers way.

"What?"

"So, gonna watch or give me my privacy?"

"Che, kid you got problems."

"No I have the internet, it tells me about people's problems."

"Che." He turned around, and I was slightly skeptical about this whole kidnapping thing. Something told me he didn't like the idea either, he just went with it. I survived my surroundings, using the area in the fashion intended before letting him know I was done. From the looks of it, the only way out of this place was out the front. Heavy metal doors set into a crumbling wall blocking the way. I spent two or three days like that before anything changed, amusing myself, and annoying Krauser.

Meals were awkward, but we got over it when I agreed not to try stabbing him with the spork I was allowed. About mid morning a pair of, what did Krauser call them Ganado's? Walked in, each carrying a poor sap. More kidnap victims? I couldn't tell, they were unconscious so I couldn't ask them. One looked to be of Spanish decent, dark hair longer than normal. While the other was definitely of European stock, brown/blond hair cut to be stylish.

"Hu, so what's this?" Krauser paced over to the men, ignoring the Ganado's fussing with ropes and the like. Circling them he paced back over to me, dragging the chair I was fastened to closer in case I decided to do something stupid. And I was close to doing so as well. The ropes were loose around my legs, and I could get them off and be running before anyone could stop me...

Never mind the fact that I am still tied to the chair via back, we'll cross that river when we get to it. And then Saddler walked in, and I nearly flipped. Freak had violated me. Never mind that he hadn't done anything more than inject me with something, it didn't matter. Just doing so without my consent was enough to make me murderous, and don't even get me started on the painful spasms that I've been having.

"Hello Krauser, how is our dear guest?"

"A pain in the ass as usual."

"I would expect no less."

"Bitch fights me every step of the way." Not true, sometimes I just complain... Ok at this point I am surprised that he hasn't cut my tongue out. Or beat me severely. Something unpleasant.

"Indeed, she is the type," He look at me as one would inspect a slab of meat one had bought. I very much did NOT like the way this was going.

"So, what's this?"

"Two more converts my friend."

"I don't like this, that one looks like trouble." Saddler only laughed. "Feeble humans. Let us give you our power, "He paused for a moment "Soon you'll become unable to resist this.. Intoxication power." The blond man twitched a bit as if he was coming too. But didn't wake. "So what am I suppose to do with them," If looks could kill Krauser was stabbing the man to death with pins. "You are to do nothing. These two are our brethren now. They need no one to control them now."

"But-"

"You will come with me, there is an intruder. And we shall take care of them."

"An intruder?"

"Yes."

"What about the girl?"

"Leave her here, she will be safe within the confines of this cabin. Guarded by these two, she will become a flower of a our religion."

"If you say so."

* * *

They left and left me sitting right where I was. But with much tighter bonds then before. Damn that man. My fingers worked on the knot at my back, arms twisted up bind me in an unnatural position so I could get at it. A few minutes like this went by, and then I ended up giving up for the moment to rest, when the agent woke with a start. Struggling a bit with his bonds before shaking the other man awake.

"Hey, Hey. Wake up" He seemed not to have noticed me. "Ai yi yi."

The darker man paused "Crawl out of one hole, and into another."

"You want to tell me what's going on here?"

"Americano, si? Now what brings a bloke like you to this part of the world?" The Blond man struggled a bit with their bonds, grunting and hurting the other in the process. "Easy, whoever you are."

"My name's Leon, I came here looking for this girl. Have you seen her?" They both looked the other way and down, as if looking at something. Must have been a picture, but I couldn't see from my point of view.

"What, are you supposed to be a cop or something?" The dark man raised his eyebrows, despite the fact that 'Leon' couldn't see his facial expressions "Nah, you don't look the type."

"Maybe." Came the only reply from Leon, almost like a petulant child.

"Okay, Let me guess. She's the President's daughter?" No true question in his voice, more like a statement.

"That's too good for a guess."He said looking to the other side. "Want to start explaining?"

Come on, I know I know the world doesn't revolve around me. But I've been sitting here for the ENTIRE conversation and no one's noticed me.

"Psychic powers." He did a fake dramatic pause, giving it an almost humors air "Nah, just kidding with you, amigo."

I ignored them for a moment, focusing on a strange dragging sound outside.

"I overheard one of the villagers talking something about the President's daughter in the church."

"And who might you be?" Asked Leon, skeptical. "Me llamo Luis Sera. I used to be a cop in Madrid. Now I'm just a good-for-nothing guy, who happens to be quite the ladies' man."

"I disagree." They both started a bit, looking over at me like I'd appeared out of thin air. "If you were a ladies' man, you would have noticed the one lady in the room."

"Where did you come from?"

"Narnia? No really, I've been here this entire time."

"So much for being aware of my surroundings." Huffed Leon, rolling his eyes. "So, that aside. What's your name kid? And for that matter, where your pants?"

"Goooooooooddddddd questions. Both of them, but for starters my name is Rain. Rain Smith. and as for the pants..." I trailed off and stared at my legs a moment before shrugging. "I haven't a clue. Sooooooo Luis Why'd you quit?" He scoffed before answering "Policia...you put your life on the line, no one really appreciates you enough for it. Being a hero isn't what it's cracked up to be anymore."

"Used to be cop myself. Only for a day though." replied Leon "I thought I was bad."

"Seriously?" I rolled my eyes and Leon threw me a bit of a glare. "Somehow I managed to get myself involved with the incident in Raccoon City, on my first day in the force."

"Errrr," I didn't know what to say to that honestly. "That is the incident with the viral outbreak right? I think I might have seen a sample of the virus in the lab at my department." The dragging sound was more persistent now, the sound of the door opening more prominent to me then the conversation at hand. I heard the door bust open, and suddenly the guys were noticing the lovely beat up fella with a weapon. Lovely. Yes, we are definitely going to die.

Suddenly I was gripped in the all too familiar spasm of pain, barely taking notice of anything outside of my own realm of ouch. I felt my body move and twitch, trying to find a way that would alleviate the pain I was currently in. Something, hell ANYTHING. This stretching, almost tearing feeling I had in my gut was beyond the worsen realm of craps I've ever had to deal with. It was like something to large was trying to move around in an area that was too small, making it hard to breath. I coughed, wishing that I could just curl up and die already. But death never came, unless of course it comes flying at you in the form of a Ganado.

The legs on my chair snapped under the strain, and senior Ganado hit the ground with a snap. I heard the sound of running feet, and the weight of the dead man on top of me made it harder to breath. I felt as though I was suffocating. I kicked, struggling to get his dead weight off of me. And then a moment later the weight was gone, and the blonde man 'Leon' was there. Lifting me to my feet, and cutting the ropes away from my wrist freeing me from what was left of the chair.

"You okay?" I coughed a bit, trying to get a thick wet lump out of my throat.

"For the most-" I coughed again, this time into my hand, "Part anyways."

"You sick?"

"I guess, I've been coughing since I woke up here."

"How long have you been here?"

"Three days? I think. I'm not sure really, they drugged us before we were separated."

"We?"

"Yeah, me and Ashley."

"The president's daughter?"

"Have these freaks kidnapped more them one Ashley?"

"Good point... Wait, you the girl that was with the President's daughter when she was kidnapped?"

"Yeah, wouldn't be here otherwise now would I?"

"Sorry, just had to ask to make sure. Truth is, Secret Service wasn't sure you weren't a spy."

"What, like a plant? Meant to be there to let that dickhead know when she got there?"

"Yeah."

"Trust the Secret Service to think that a girl, who has might I mention LIVED in that state, city and area all of her life, a spy. Or Whatever. Honestly." Leon shrugged, but I could see a hint of smile tugging at his lips. "So."

"So what next mister secret agent man?" I said back playfully. "We need to find Ashley."

"And get the hell outta Dodge right?"

"Yup. That's my basic plan anyways."

"Nice, strait and to the point. I like a man who knows what he's doing," I pulled slightly lechers grin and he rolled his eyes in response. "Either way, what Don Juan had to say was true at least."

"The Church?"

"Yeah, heard them talking about it when they thought I was out of it."

"Well, at least we have a general consensus on where we need to go."

"Yeah," I walked forward, grimacing at my lack of pants. It was going to get chilly. I watched as Leon pulled out a little hand held device, contacting someone name Hunnigan. "It's Leon. Sorry I couldn't get in touch sooner but I was a bit tied up."

I grinned a bit at the play on words he had going there. At least I wasn't the only one prone to horrible puns, this might not be so bad after all.

"You're okay, right?" Came a female voice.

"I'm fine. There was a male civilian held captive, as well as a female civilian that I've identified as Ashley's fellow kidnap victim. According to them, Ashley's in a church somewhere. "What happened to them?"

"He managed to escape. She is standing not too far away."

"Do you have a fix on the location of that church?"

"No, but apparently, there's a secret passage in the village that leads there. I'm heading back to the village. I'll take the girl along with me, she's an American citizen after all." I moved towards the hallway, and with a start noticed a strange man looking into the window at the end of the hall. Leon walked up behind me. "Over here, Stranger."

He waved at us, beseechingly before walking away from the window. We shared a look before exiting the cabin, passing an antique typewriter on the way out. What was that doing there? Either way, Leon motioned for me to wait around the corner while he moved to follow the man wearing the strange bandanna over is mouth. A moment later and Leon's hand waved me around to follow him. I turned the corner, getting a good look at Bandanna man. Which isn't saying much, because a heavy blue coat covered most of him. Where did he get that thing? It looked AWSOME. Either way, I liked the man on sight, and poor Leon seemed to be in love with the weapon selection.

* * *

A/N: Merchant is awsome, hands down.


	3. Boom De Yadda, Boom De Yadda

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He's a secret agent, she's a college student. He was sent in to save the Presidents daughter, she can save herself. If she doesnt sabotage him in the process.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **Today, on this day did I learn that I was doing something stupid. Thus have I posted another chapter because I totally figured out what I was doing wrong, Hurp a durp.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing witty today, massie headack from work. I no own, you no sue? Cept for Trouble, she's mine and then some.

* * *

Chapter 3: Boom De Yadda, Boom De Yadda

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

I grinned to myself at I holstered Leon's government issue handgun at my side, he'd gotten a better gun for shooting blue medallions... Apparently his attention span was just as short as mine was. All the better for me. Since I now had a weapon of my own, give that asshole Krauser something to think about.

I grinned over at the scowling Leon as he paid for the upgrades both the Punisher, and the Government issue handgun that I'd had no small amount of trouble wheedling off of him. Not because he didn t want to let it go, but because he was unsure of my ability to handle it. Yes, I know. I am not in the least threatening. In fact, I am the sort of person that reflects a nonthreatening image.

Not hard to do since I am short, cute and cheerful.

"Are you sure you can handle that thing?"

"Positive," I rolled my eyes at his question, "Granda taught me when I was seven, first gun he ever let me fire was what he called his 'Elephant' gun. Knocked me on my ass, but taught me a lesson."

"Elephant gun?"

"It's a type of rifle, but the bullets it uses are about as big around as mu thumb."

"Jesus... And he let you fire that thing? At seven?"

"Yeah, like I said taught me a lesson."

"I see. Well, either way we should get going."

"True," I made certain the hip holster was tight enough before turning to the Merchant, "You sure you don t have pants?"

"Not unless yer referring to my own." He said with a grin in his eyes.

We'd spent the last ten minutes trading dirty jokes, mostly at my own expense. The lack of pants seemed to make me an easy target.

Who'd a thunk?

"Well darn, as much as I'd like to get in your pants, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. Business to attend to."

I received a cheeky grin from the Merchant, and Leon's only response was to scoff. Upholstering his-now my handgun, I stepped forward, aiming it towards the ground while walking. Something my Grandda taught me, you never aim it forward unless you have a target. You aim it up or down, so the only thing you hit is yourself or the sky, in case you trip and pull the trigger.

"Hu," was all Leon said as we started off, waving goodbye to the Merchant before turning the corner.

Leon opened the gate door slowly, ominous groan echoing.

Oh, lovely. It wasn t just a valley. It was a valley with a limited amount of foot space, and by limited foot space I mean a sudden drop into nothingness if you stepped wrong. Cocking a brow I looked over the side of the fence between me and mostly nothingness, well there is where I got the memory of being carried over... Nothing.

The wooden boards that served as platforms made me twitchy as well. They'd carried us over those?

"Okay, new plan. You go find Ashley, and I'll stay here with the Merchant."

A dirty look was Leon's only reply.

A scream in Spanish interrupted whatever he was about to say, and I raised my gun hesitating. It was one thing to hit targets, another entirely to actually hit a... I hesitate to say person. Gulping, I pulled the trigger. Hitting the Ganado in the stomach.

"Nice shot."

"I was aiming for his leg."

"And I am suddenly questioning my judgment." He said, his next shot knocking both that man and the next over the side.

I aimed again, pulling the trigger and managing to hit a man hold what looked like dynamite. He dropped it causing it to explode, blowing a group of them off the rickety platform.

"Shut up, I'm rusty."

"I see."

The Ganado's seemed to seep out of the cracks, and bullets seemed to fly from my gun quicker then I could replace them. I felt my stomach twinge, and I stomped down the sensation. I could be sick LATER, had to be a bitch NOW.

The crowd seemed somewhat challenged when it came to cooperation however, pushing and shoving each other another dynamite toting drain dropped a LIT stick in his haste to shove he fellow Ganado back.

Leon dove off to one side, and I nearly ended up with a blast to the face. But instead got a Ganado to the gut. Suppose I shouldn t protest too much, dipshit did save my life, but GOD that hurt.

At least they left behind plenty of ammo, and money when they... Melted? Erg, I gave myself a mental slap.

Either way, another set of dum dums came running at us from the top of the hill, and we were thrown into another desperate fire fight. At one point I dodged away from a scythe only to find myself nearly boobless because of a flying ax. Skip to my loo anyone?

I was grateful that there wasn t another dick o' dynamite.

Ganado's with pointy things were bad enough.

WHO uses dynamite as a WEAPON anyways?

More importantly, and because it would satiate my curiosity. The HELL did you GET dynamite now days, Wal-Mart?

Honestly.

About half an hour, we found ourselves up on a ridge overlooking most of the valley. Leon was inspecting a weird chest skeptically, and I was raiding the ammo store...

Which raises another question. The fuck do they need AMMO for? As far as I'd seen, they only seemed smart enough to wave around shit. Albeit, in a very focused manner. Still, what were they going to do with em, Throw em at us?

Leon finally opened the weird chest, (That I was considering jacking and taking back home.) And pulled out a weird shaped stone with crest on it.

"I'm betting that, that thing isn t just a giant bingo chip."

"Probably not. I ran into another chest like this, and I think it might be a key."

"I've only been conscious for an hour, what the heeeeeeeeeelllllllll did I do to deserve this?" Normally I would have been more accepting, but this was like the book store during rush week.

Leon quirked a brow at me, and ushered me towards the small drop to the area at that overhung the area near the gate, and we spent the next five minutes talking me down the drop from the ridge to the area with the door... Still afraid of heights, just so you know.

Damn my irrational fears. Why couldn t I be afraid of Plata pie or something equally as unusual?

Then I would never have to deal with em, and it would be entertaining. Or knowing fate I would be stuck zoo keeping for them or something.

Probably that OR SOMETHING. Fate never took to kindly to me, at least my luck evened it out.

Most of the time anyways.

"It looks like we need to find the other piece." He said as we looked at the gate that barring are way. There was a hexagonal indentation in the gate itself, and I glared at it.

We had half the necessary key, where the other on was only god knew... And the poor saps at the bottom of the canyon/valley thing.

"Guess we'll have to split up then."

"Split up?"

"Yep, one of us will have to go back down to that shack." I pointed towards the building that we'd come from, just below it was another. The only way to get to this one was a crossed scaffolding, and guess who WASNT going to cross it. "Unless of course you want to spend the next twenty minutes talking me there and back."

"I see."

He jogged off towards the platform, and I went poking around behind the shanty on this side of the gap.

Boards, boards, gardening tools, a couple of barrels, purple messenger bag.

Purple messenger bag?

Holy shit, my stuff!

I leaped towards it, knocking over the barrels next to it and hugging the damn thing like no tomorrow. I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, and I turned. Leon stood there, other half of the key in his hand.

"Now that you've passionately embraced what I am assuming is your bag, can we get this circus on the road?"

"Sure, let me just find the clowns."

"Really? I thought you were one."

"Ha ha, your soooo funny Leon." I stuck my tongue out at him, an act of up-most maturity, and swung my bag up over my shoulder synching the strap tight.

Walking back over to the gate, Leon pulled the other half out of his attach case, and combining it he shoved it into the gate.

I rustled in my pack, searching for something as we walked through the gate.

"Cookie?" I offered.

"No thanks." Was all he said as he jogged off, me not far behind.

A short trail led between canyon walls, and something told me that this place must have had a strong river running through it once. Watermarks, like great ripples in the rock showed on either side and if I hadn t been in the situation I was in at the moment, I would have been tempted to stay and investigate the area. To satisfy my geologist side.

I shook myself before wandering over to one side of the building in front of us, shifting stuff around to see if I could find anything useful. A few barrels had some ammo in the bottom, and I gladly shoved 'em into my pack for later.

Leon pushed the door to the building open slowly, and we both securitized the room beyond. Large, but empty for the most part, looking around I nudged Leon to get his attention.

"What?"

"Shhh, I got a bad feeling."

"What? Something odd?"

"Well, aside from the bad horror movie set reject, and the fact that we just waded through a pool of Ganado's? Not much, just thought I'd pop around the corner for a slurpee."

He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes.

"Look, I don t have a good feeling. Let s just be quiet through here, just in case we missed someone ok?"

"I thought I was the agent here."

"You are, but I AM allowed to have good ideas every once in awhile. Just because I have a fear of heights and a short attentio- OHOHOH SHINY!" The last bit said in a high pitched whisper, as I skittered over to a hole in the wall that revealed another room. Just beyond normal reach was a beaded golden mask, and I WANTED it.

"So focused." Leon whispered.

"Shut yer face, and watch my back." I slipped my pack off, moving a piece of re-bar out of the way. I shoved and bent according to need, managing to wriggle through without hurting myself to badly. Propped half in, half out of the hole I only had a little further to go before it was through. Then I felt something shift beneath my weight.

A piece of wall gave way, and barely managed to save myself from a nice face plant.

"I'd call that an seven point landing."

"Pfft," I shoved my hair out of my face as I noticed a new dilemma, "Was a NINE at least." The area of wall that had given way beneath me had also pulled another area of wall down were id come through... I was not getting back through there, and Leon wasn t coming through either. "Well fuck."

"You can say that again."

I looked around, before spotting another way out.

"There's windowish thing, its covered by boards but we might be able to get my ass out of here. Think you could shove my bag through?"

"Might be able too, yeah."

A few minutes, and several colorful curse words later we managed to get my bag through.

I stared hard at the boards on the windowish thing, willing them to burst into flame.

"Problem with this is, we're separated."

"True. But better than being trapped in some room."

"Never said a truer word."

"Look, pop the boards off, and go through. Try and find your way out of the building, I'll catch up to you outside. From what I can tell this place has two sides that aren t up against the cliff face, so logically speaking we should meet up after we get out."

"Sounds better then my plan."

"You have a plan?" He teased, "Look, be careful Trouble."

"Trouble? Yeah. See yah when I see ya."

"Right." He walked towards the other door, looking back only once before walking through.

I shook my head before turning towards the windowish thing, grabbing the mask as I went by. Might as well get it while I had the chance, even if it was a pain in the ass, bad Juju maker. I took a good look at the boarded window, gauging the weight and strength of them. I centered my weight, before letting out a well placed kick. The only real sort of fighting I DID know how to do. Well, aside from the gun thing. But that ain t fighting.

Eh. At least I managed to make a hole large enough for me to get through, seriously. I can hear the sound of Leon fighting, and I am starting to get worried. Wriggling I managed to get through the wall without bringing it down on my head, and to the next hallway.

And was promptly grabbed by a Ganado on the other side.

What the hell? Fuck all he did NOT just throw me over his shoulder like a sack of grain.

Bitch PLEASE!

I need him in the stomach, jumping free and shooting him point blank. Finding my way out was the best thing I could do right now, then I could find a place to lay low and wait for Leon. I had the mental image of myself jumping him, and promptly molesting his hair, but shoved it from my mind. Boy had pretty hair but pouncing on him might be a bad idea... You know, he has his fancy boom stick and all.

Sooo I took off, slipping and skidding a crossed wet flooring around a few giant water containers of some sort, slamming open the next door as I heard another behind me creak. Down past another Ganado, around a zig zag corner past two more Ganado's and right into a metal ladder... Classy.

I should patent these smooooooth moves and sell em, cause I would be SO rich... Okay, so moving on to the sarcasm, and to the pounding head ack I will have later.

I landed on my butt, naturally. Ass heavy and all you know, never make fun of yer mums big bum. You will inherit it. This I can guarantee.

A hand seized one of my wrists, dragging me backwards, and I kicked up nailing the Ganado in the head. I rolled over, crab walking behind the ladder grabbing my gun in the process, why hadn t I thought of it earlier? Lifting it I shot the closest Ganado in the leg, knocking him down temporarily. I shot the next in the neck, knocking him back over the railing, and honestly I don t know what happened to him after that cause I hightailed it up that ladder quicker than you can say banana.

Well, quicker then I can say banana anyways. Sometimes one gets carried away, and doesn t know when to stop. Like now, Banananananananananananana.

I came out into a vacant courtyard.

THANK GOD.

Hmmm I should probably find decent cover while I'm here, I don t want to be caught with my pants down, so to speak.

Get it? Pants down? I'm not wearing any.

Ok, moving on. I noticed what looked like a house a bit further up, but dismissed going that far to find a place to sit. There was, what looked like a open water cistern off to my left buzzing with flies, and not too far from that was a small shack. My money was on the shack.

But something shiny by the cistern caught my eye.

Hanging in the rafters was what looked like a shiny brass pocket watch. But I could get a pretty penny off the merchant for that. But, the little fiasco with the nice shiny mask (Which technically wasn t over) had me on guard. Looking around I didn t notice anything particularly dangerous near and or about the brass pocket watch, save for its strange position. As far as I could tell, the only threat was getting soaked in the cistern thing, and that was easily solved by closing the lid on it.

A bit of shuffling behind me caught my attention, and I whipped around lost my balance, ending up on my ass, stuck in-between the end of the cistern and the fence. Groovy. On the plus side, at it at least was not another Ganado.

"Ouch. Damn it Leon. Scared the shit out of me."

"Ew, better get new underwear."

"Ha ha, Leon your soooooo funny I almost forgot to laugh. Then I looked at your face."

"Ouch. Burn."

"Yeah, yeah. Could you be a doll and get me outta here."

"You are a walking disaster aren t you?"

"More or less."

"You are doing wonders for my days outlook you know."

"Oh come-on, it-"

"Don t finished that sentence." He said, grabbing hold of my arms, and pulling. "Certainly heavy enough, aren t yah?"

I came free from my unexpected prison, scowled at him, and I brushed myself off.

"Let's just get going, the sooner we rescue Ashley the sooner we can get home."

Leon rolled his eyes at me, sarcastic smirk firmly lodged in place. "And the sooner you can get pants right?"

"Oh yeah, cause you could happily run around without them in this weather? Let me clue yah, just cause we lack certain parts doesn t mean we women can t tell its cold."

"I see, well lets go. Wouldn t want your butt to freeze now."

"Remind me to kick you, when my life no longer depends on your health and well being alright."

"Sure."

* * *

It didn t take us terribly long to get from the ladder to the house just up the path, and I was wondering just how much weirder this place was going to get before we could finally leave. I mean honestly, who puts bare traps, and booby traps for people they are trying to keep alive?

"Well, on the plus side we get to look at something shiny. On the minus side, it s a shiny that is standing in our way."

"Yeah." Was Leon's only response as I he fiddled with a round shiny ball set into the door in front of us.

"Cant we just go around?"

"Not a good idea, if we run into this many Ganado's on the path think of home many Ganado s you'd find out there."

It seemed somewhat counter-intuitive to me, but Leon knows best I guess.

"So, we've tried left, and right. Up and down. Maybe it s a combination of both?"

"Yeah, but we aren t even sure what kind of symbol we are trying to make."

"True, but look at either side. See the symbol there."

"You think it s their little insignia? You don t think it could something a little more original?"

"Think for a moment about the people we are speaking of."

"Ok, we'll try it. If we can find it on this damn thing."

He spun it right, he spun it left. He did several combinations in-between, until we lost the original symbol we'd been on, let alone how we'd got there.

"I give up." I said glaring at it.

"It has to be one of these, for Christ sake." Leon stepped back, and I could see he was frustrated.

"I am NOT being beaten by a fucking crystal ball." I pushed against it, letting it spin in a crazy random pattern.

"Because that's going to work."

"Hey you never kno-" I was cut off as the crystal came to a stop on a symbol, and to the utter astonishment of Leon, opened with a groan.

"That, is a fluke."

"Yeah, happens a lot around me." I shrugged walking through the doorway just beyond, Leon jumping to catch up.

"Hey, be careful. And for that matter, let me take point from now on. And DONT go running off, you've already gotten us into a trouble once."

"S'not my fault trouble seems to follow me."

"Trouble... That s it, that's yer nick name from now on."

"Oh come on!"

"No. Your nickname is Trouble from now on, until you prove otherwise of course."

Peachy.

The stairs led to relatively (I am interpreting this very loosely) modern bedroom that seemed fancier then the average Ganado was privileged to. A fancy Armour in one corner, and actual desk in the other and a bed set near the Armour that looked plush, but larger than normal. A fancy box was set on a self near the desk, and I couldn t help being drawn to it. The box itself was rather nice, but once I noticed what was in it, I knew it was a sign.

"Hey, get a load of this note." Leon said, pushing it toward me as I shove the key towards him.

"Key, have fun." I took the note, and read it over.

Chiefs Note

As instructed by Lord Saddler, I have the agent in confinement, alive. Why keep him alive? I do not fully understand what the Lord's intentions are.

I would, however, think he'd keep them separate:  
not confine them together as has been ordered.  
I don't expect Luis would trust a stranger but if by chance they did cooperate, the situation could get a bit more complicated.

Particularly if we keep the other girl with them.  
She is, I have heard to be an important member of our faith in the New World.

If for some reason, an unknown third party is involved. I don't think they'd let a chance like this slip by.

But maybe it's all Lord Saddler's ploy- leaving us vulnerable so that this third party will surface,  
if they even exist that is...

It's an unlikely possibility, but if a prowler is already amongst us, then our plans could be ruined.

I guess the Lord thinks it's worth the risk, if we're able to stop whatever conspiracy is at work.

At any rate, it's the Lord's call.  
We will trust his judgment as always.

Weird. Third party? I was already mentioned, so he couldn t have meant me. Either way it was confusing. Who else could have any interest in this place? In these people for that matter. I just didn t know enough to make heads or tails of it.

"Trouble."

"Eh?" crap, I just responded to his asinine nickname?

"Go hide."

"Bullshit, why?"

"I hear something on the other side, I don t want you getting involved if I don t have to."

"Fine." Not that there were many places to hide, I opened the Armour and stepped in, "Don t forget about me." I closed, "And I mean it."

A few minutes passed by, and I heard a commotion out in the hall way. Voices and a thud, then footsteps heavy. Heavier then Leon s, and suddenly I was glad to be in the closet. And then the slam of a door opening again, a rush of the heavier footsteps. The sound of a wild shot, and Leon hitting the ground. The heavier footsteps again, a groan of pain. Then more gunshots. The sound of breaking glass.

What the hell?

"Hey, you can come out now."

I pushed to doors open slowly, my foot hitting something knocking it over. Hu, a chest of Pestas. I grabbed it, jumping out of my hiding place with a scowl.

"The hell was that?"

"The big cheese of the village apparently, and he wasn t happy to see me."

"Then what happened?"

"A woman in red... Somehow familiar."

"That s wonderfully mysterious."

He rolled his eyes, and I walked towards the window. I didn t see anything unusual, but it was worth trying. Either way I turned back toward Leon and walked towards the door.

Leon and I walked down the stairs, initially seeing no one. He waved me towards a door near the back of the stairs. While he walked towards the dining area.

I rolled my eyes, trust him to give me the door that looked like it lead nowhere. I pushed the door open, expecting nothing. But I was wrong.

There is, in my opinion. Only one thing worse than someone walking in on you while you re taking a pee, and that is being the one walking in on the person taking a pee.  
.

I shot the Ganado before he had a chance to do anything, and stepped back. It kinda hit me then.

That these people had actually been normal once.

That these people had actually been PEOPLE. I took a shaky breath, put my head in my hands and tried to keep my thoughts on the here and now. I've done allot of shit in my life.

A shit load of which I am not proud of.

But I'd always been more pacifistic than anything else, the even headed peace keeper sort of person. I always believed that if anyone wanted peace bad enough, they could achieve it.

True, I knew how to shoot a gun. I knew how to stab a man with a short knife, kick him just right, break a knee cap. But that was all in passing.

Si vis pacem, para bellum. No I don t have a speech impediment, its Latin. If you wish for peace, prepare for war.

Only a fool would ideally believe that she would never be called to fight, life was struggle, it was more than chance and whimsy. So I learned a decidedly odd set of skills to protect myself from the outside world. But that didn t mean I was ready for the actuality of it.

The heady rush of blood, fight or flight, the kill. An intoxicating cocktail, and I staggered a bit at the wash of horror that followed. The disgust, the shear wrongness that was an essential part of killing another person.

I could see how one might be able to get addicted to the rush, but the emotions that followed...

It gave a person allot to think about.

But I couldn t think of anything at the moment, I had to focus on the task at hand. Survive NOW, so you could regret LATER.

THAT was all that was important now.

"You ok?"

I looked up from my seat on the ground, where I am guessing I collapsed after my little adrenaline rush earlier.

"I... Yeah, I think so."

"Here," he handed me a canteen. Where he'd kept it was beyond me.

I drank deeply, focusing on the taste of the water and the feeling of the rough material under my hands.

"Does it... Does it ever get easier?"

"No."

"Oh."

"But after awhile, you learn to balance what you've done, with what you are doing it for."

"I see."

"No you don t, not yet at least. Here, you sit here and I'll clear the way and come back for you."

"Nah, I'm ok..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just. Need to focus on now is all."

"Ok, I trust you to know your own limits."

You are such a sucker Leon, even I can tell I am shacking... Or maybe your letting me do this on purpose, either way we need to get moving before the big cheese returns. I am such a baby.

Sighing I stood up, handing him back his canteen and squaring up my shoulders.

"Okay," I said pointing upwards "Let's go!" I started forward, looking around before moving to the first floor door that led out. Twisting the handle, I made to move forward with the door. Instead I ran into it. Points for effort, but I believe the door wins this one.

"Did you just run into the DOOR?"

"Thud is my smart noise."

"I see."

"Really though, the door is stuck. The handle turns, but I think it s broken."

"Hu. Well stand back, and watch. I'm about to teach you to break down a door. Well a normal one anyways." He squared himself up, before continuing "It is better to employ a more forceful and well placed kick. Check to see which way the door opens by checking the hinges. If the door opens towards you, kicking it down is going to be next to impossible. Kicking a door down is best employed on a door that swings away from you. Kick to the side of where the lock is. This is typically the weakest part of the door. Using a front kick, drive the heel of your foot into the door. Give the kick forward momentum and keep your balance by driving the heel of your standing foot into the ground. Don t kick the lock itself; this could break your foot."

"That sounds... Have you had this problem before?"

"Not myself particularly, but when I went to training one idiot dislocated his shoulder because he tried to use it to get though a door."

"Ouch."

"You have no idea."

"Yeah, and I don t want to find out."

Leon let loose a kick, aiming it exactly as he described. Hitting the mark, and forcing the door open as easy as breathing.

"Show off."

He grinned and walked forward, all male swagger and confidence. Until a Ganado came running at us, followed closely by what looked like his girl friend.

"Go right I'll go left, they'll split and we can each take care of one."

"Sounds like a plan." I dodged right, hoping that the female would go after me instead of the male. But to my surprise neither went after me, instead opting to run after poor Leon. I used this to my advantage, shooting one in the knee and the other in the back. But a noise behind me caught my attention and I turned.

Another Ganado. But this one was different. This one had some sort of sack over his head... AND A CHAINSAW.

HELL TO THE NO!

I dodged left, leaping past him as he locked his eyes on me. Tunnel vision. I ran from him, only to realizes that I was running in circles around Leon, and his little fight. The dup in the grain sack wouldn t be stupid to what I was doing for long. I raced down the small track, almost losing him for a second before spotting a she Ganado waiting by a shack. Without thinking, I grasped the branches of a small wiry tree next the building climbing up onto the roof.

" C gelo!" the female screamed, attempting to climb the tree as well. But my leap had been fueled by adrenaline and fear. Not to mention that I was about half her size, so there wasn t much surprise when she fell flat on her face after trying.

I on the other hand was in the category of not caring, instead option to shoot the head of mister Chainsaw. I must have emptied an entire clip in the guy before he staggered, ejecting the empty I shot the She-Ganado dead before she could turn out to be any more trouble.

I emptied another clip and a half before the chainsaw wielding crazy fall, this time not getting up. I slid off the roof, landing on his head giving him a good kick for measure. Sonofabitch, I NEARLY had a heart attack.

" Un forastero!"

OH FOR THE LOVE OF- I spun empting the rest of my clip into the next Ganado.

"Anyone Else want a piece of me?"

"Nah, I think they all went home." I spun, spotting Leon.

"Hey."

"Hey, see you took down the big guy."

"Yup."

"You sure you don t have anything else to say?"

"Nah. I think I'll let my gun do the talking for me."

* * *

A/N: And thats all she wrote... For this chapter anyways, she being me of course. But I like to talk in circles if I can.


	4. Cardboard Cutout

**Title: **_Build A God, Then We'll Talk._

**Rating: **T

**Summary:** He's a secret agent on a mission. She's a college student without one. Why does she remind him of his small cousin on road trips?

**Warnings: **More Swearing, expect it.

**Disclaimer: **I only own my respective property, nothing more nothing less.

**A/N: **Props to Chains for being the first reviewer, and much thanks for giving such in-depth and enlightening reviews! I loved them. Why does the idea of a serious reviewer excite me?To your questions, and comments I will add a A/N addressing my response at the end of this chapter, since I don t want to clog the top up to much and I forgot how to do so otherwise. (I remember there being a more direct route, but I've never had the chance to use it.) I**nitially this chapter was twice as long, but I noticed something that needed fixing. I figured I could post half and fix the second half later. So, without further adieu chapter four. **

* * *

**Chapter Four: **Cardboard Cutout

**By: **Tamuril Telrunye

* * *

Leon and I unbarred the gate, pushing to door open gently hoping to avoid the creak that followed. Seriously people, it s called WD-40 buy some.

What lay beyond was a semblance of a smaller then small village, something more likely to be seen in a painting then in modern day truth be told.

"We'll wanna head through the village pretty quickly." Leon said surveying the immediate area.

"Oh?" I said quietly, I didn t see any Ganado s but I did hear voices.

"Yeah, last time visited this little place, it was crawling with unfriendly's."

"Touch ." I pulled my handgun out of its holster, walking forward slowly. "So, how we gonna do this?"

"Head for the church, it s to the right from here. Not too hard to spot. Village isn t too large, but its big enough for us to get separated. If that happens just make it there, I'll wait for you."

"You make me sound slow."

"Nah, I just know where I am going. You don t."

I stuck my tongue out in response.

"Onward then, my newest friend." I pointed dramatically, and Leon raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever."

We jogged down the path lined on either side by broken and defunct fencing, taking notice of a few Ganado s dispersed here and there. Not to many, so we shouldn t have any problem if we dodged around 'em. And as a male Ganado tossed an ax at me, I dodging to the left and waved at Leon. A sort of impromptu 'keep going'.

We dodged and weaved our way through the village, dingy and small as it was shooting some Ganado, but mostly incapacitating. I'd never seen the village before, well without being drugged at the very least so I let my mind take in my surroundings while jogging. The were several houses built around a central fire pit, scraggly chickens dancing to and fro as a scrawny cow mooed from a barn to our right.

I felt my breath catch in the back of my throat as I caught the scent of... Burning meat mingled with singed hair, and my eyes caught sight of something hanging on a hook just above the fire pit. But before I could identify it, Leon slammed into my back forcing me forward. We were more focused on getting to the church than anything else, reaching it within minutes. Pursuit of course, was not far behind.

Leon fiddled a bit with the keys as I raised my gun dancing back, and fourth on my feet impatiently. A hag with a blue scarf got to close, and I shot her in the chest, forcing her back but not doing much damage.

A In through the heavy wooden door, slamming and locking it behind us as we huffed and weezed to the tempo of heavy pounding on the other side of the door. I gulped, thankful that it was made of metal, and by virtue a great deal steadier the a normal door.

"Hu," Leon said, more of a grumble then anything else.

"Hu what?"

"Looks like this 'church' is just a facade."

"Facade? Hmmm," We both looked around a bit. A trap door presented itself in due manner, and I stared sceptically at it before poking Leon to get his attention.

"Hey, think this trap door leads anywhere important?"

"Probably. Let me go down first, don t what you jumping head first into trouble. Trouble."

"Ha ha."

He opened the trap door up, and I busied myself raiding the room for potential supplies. Listening to Leon as he went, and I paused for a moment turning to look at the door to the village. The... Thing on the hook. Something told me not to dwell on it, but I know I should be able to identify what it was.

"Hey Trouble."

"Hu, Yeah Leon?"

"It's clear, come on."

I jogged over to the hole and leaped down, Leon managing to catch me, and set me on my feet. I gotta say, as far as hole's in the ground went. I wasn t impressed.

But it was kinda neat, for an underground tunnel. Although it was also kinda frightening in a 'Tunnel looks like it s gonna fall on me' sort of way. It looked to be dug out of pure stone, the rock face dripped occasionally only adding to the creepy quality of the passage. Although in reflection if its made out of pure stone wouldn t that mean it would be less likely to fall? Or was it more. I dunno, I'm not expert.

It led down and around, sloping gradually further and further down. At one point it widened out, a bright light; temporarily blinding came from a lamp that hung in the middle of the cavern. Light glinting off the ceiling in a few places suspiciously, a closer examination was in order in my mind so I managed to convince Leon to boost me up.

And it was worth the effort. I found an old fashioned hair clip that looked to be made out of platinum or silver, with a large sapphire in the middle and a couple gems that looked to be some sort of Spinal. They'd definitely fetch a good price with the merchant.

Which was an ironic thought, because it wasn t too much later that we ran into him, farther along in the cave.

"Got something that might interest yeh stranger," he said, low voice insidious.

He opened his coat to show us a few new weapons, and we took the chance to stock up on first aid sprays.

I only remembered my stash of items AFTER the merchant closed his coat again.

Leon apparently remembered them about the same moment I did, and I showed the merchant what I had.

"Name your price Stranger."

"I'm naming mine Sam."

Both parties looked at me strangely before Leon rolled his eyes.

"I suppose I should have expected something from you, you've been quiet for far too long."

"Must be a female thing Stranger."

"This female thing is about to shove her size 7 in a couple of uncomfortable places if they don t stop being sexist."

"Eh he he." Came from the merchant, and we got down to business.

A little more wheeling and dealing later I possessed a well upgraded version of the same handgun Leon was now totting, and we were on our way.

Popping up a ladder we came out of what had once been the entrance to a crypt, fancy (Because I've always wanted stone coffin as MY front door) and into a graveyard. A few of the gravestones were of the a strange double variety that couples often got, and many of them had strange letters carved out of the stone.

Everything spoke of a quiet abandon, save the path that led up to the church itself. Weeds grew rampant around the headstones, and between the dilapidated fencing snaking up to wrapping itself around at certain points. A few tree's dotted the landscape, completing the image of the classical horror movie graveyard although it was almost ruined by the much out of place blue medallion that spin merrily in the wind.

A church looming in the distance caught my eye, and I couldn t help growling.

"A church behind a church. I would say it was clever but, well its not."

"Hu." Was all Leon had to say as he came up behind me.

"Ah? Esta!"

"Ah crap." I ducked as a Ganado threw an ax at me, and Leon dodged to the right. Another came up out of nowhere, grabbing me by the neck. His grip was crushingly tight, and I knew I didn t have long to get out of his grasp. Gunshots rang out, and I assumed Leon was taking care of the other while I dealt with smelly. But my grip on the gun wasn t right, and the safety was still on. Lack of forsight on my part, since I knew we were in an area where I would probably have to use it.

I twisted, bringing the butt of my gun down on the male Ganado s head twice before giving up.

Dropping my gun I grabbed his wrists, and swung my feet up kicking. A shriek erupted from the Ganado as I succeeded in hitting a sensitive area, and I dropped to the ground in an undignified heap. Rolling over unsteadily I grabbed my gun and took off up the hill Ganado and Leon on my heels the entire time.

"Te voy hacer picadillo"

"Promises, promises~" I sang out sarcastically, raising my gun as another dynamite throwing idiot raised a lit stick. I managed to hit him in the arm, dodging left behind a stone pillar. Leon jumped to the right as it exploded taking out all three problems in one blow.

"Nice thinking."

"I wasn t." I said brushing myself off.

"Wasn t what?"

"Thinking."

Silence was the only reply, Leon giving me another look.

I couldn t help it if I was just that good... Enter a day dream about doing moon walk and victory pose here.

Either way, it did us little good to tug on the doors of the damn church. Fucking thing was locked, with a strange IMPRINT lock to boot. What kinda crack were these people ON?

"It's, like the size of a coffee cup. We could FAKE it."

"Yeah, we could. One problem with your plan thought genius. We don t HAVE one."

"Oh god coffee. What I would give for a sip of sweet ambro-" Daydreams of a wonderful brown liquid dancing in my head.

"Hey, focus."

"Sorry, tangent."

"Noticed."

"So, any other brilliant ideas." Leon said, propping his hand on his chin.

"We give up, and go home?"

"Unfortunately, we need Ashley for that."

"Damn it. AGH can t we just... I dunno, fake it?"

"You look in NO way like Ashley."

I sighed in defeat, "Ok, sooooooo... We could always look around. The key has to be around here somewhere."

"There might be a back door. We should try looking around."

"If you say so," I scratched the back of my head. We searched around a bit and found another door which was also locked, and a strange dial.

After a bit of fiddling I pointed out to Leon that the markings were the same as the grave stone carvings and we managed to get a strange green stone out of it after solving the puzzle. But nothing that could help us with either door.

"Dead end?"

"Nah, there's the other path. Looks longer, but the damn key is probably down that way."

"They would too, jack-asses."

"You are not polite company." Leon said, grinning.

"What was your first clue."

Whatever he had to say to that was lost when his communicator went off, loud ringing reminding me of a video game I use to play. Damn Metal Gear.

"Leon. Have you reached the church yet?" came the voice of Hunnigan.

"Ah...well, yeah. Sort of..."

"Leon, did I mention not to take the scenic route? At any rate, Ashley's inside that structure. Rescue her. Hurry!"

"Not pushy at all is she?" I said.

"Nope. Well, we better get going."

We rounded the bend and I suddenly deflated.

Another catwalk. A catwalk that looked to be made of old fencing, and rotted trees. A catwalk that I wouldn t normally go within fifty feet of if you paid me.

What was with these people? Did they have something AGAINST solid ground? Leon didn t notice me stop until after he dispatched the female Ganado that had her back turned towards us.

"Nice to know your right behind me."

"Not solid ground." I said, voice pitching a little high.

"I noticed."

"I like solid ground."

"Come on, if I leave you here you might get kidnapped by Ganado s again."

I debated for a moment before gathering my courage and stepping out onto the rickety walkway. Bastard. Had to go and be right. Hell.

"Hey," He said catching my attention, "Just focus on me Ok?"

"Ok." I stepped forward a bit, focusing on his back as he proceeded to talk me down the damn cat walk. Not that I could tell you what exactly he was saying, I was kind of zoned out focusing on his back. He had to help me a few times, cause there were gaps in the boardwalk. But I did it.

It seemed to take forever, but I was a state somewhere between frozen stiff, and passed out almost the entire way down until my foot caught on something, and I nearly went plummeting to the wet and rocky death bellow. I felt like the biggest baby, honestly. Where was my backbone? I can pump a Ganado full of holes but can t stand to be more than a few feet in the air? The fuck was with that.

I seriously needed to rethink my priorities, starting with my fight or flight response. I mean, come-on I froze every time I was too close to the edge of something.

Grumbling to myself, we made it to the door on the other side of the catwalk Leon taking care of the Ganado s in the area along the way.

The next area was wide, and fortunately for me entirely on solid ground. Crows congregated in the center cackling to each other as I headed towards the first little hut in a row of three. A grumbling noise seemed to be coming from somewhere close, probably on the other side of the monster sized gate.

Monster sized gate, that was a little ominous... I am not ignoring the fact that it sounds like growling, nope. I just want to get the heck out of here.

* * *

**A/N:** Your right about the military fatigues, and the fact that Krauser wouldn t wear them out in public if he were trying to be discreet. Honestly there was a reason for him being in his uniform, but I decided to nix that before posting. Probably should have changed his outfit, but wasn t thinking of that at the time.

As for the typos, yeah that s all me. Some might be intention, as I usually have an odd way of saying things. But for the most part, not so much. Spell check can only get one so far, and my self appointed Beta-reader has been MIA for two weeks.  
I would also like to note that for the first two chapters, the transfer from word to turned my ENTIRE story into a text wall. I was distinctly displeased. Which would explain the confusing jumble of commentary between both Leon, and Trouble, I intend to fix this before posting this next chapter.

Also, thank you for pointing out how Krauser and Troubles dialogue was confusing, I hadn t even realized that until I looked back at it and went Is she trying to mimic his speech patterns or something?

Thank you for your rating as well, I will be honest and say I had a blonde moment wherein my thought process went "But what would I DO with six umbrellas?" Before I whacked myself, I love your system of rating.


	5. The Nitty Gritty

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **Sometimes the best person for the job IS the trained monkey.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional. And maybe some blood.

**Author Notes: **So yeah, the thing I missed? That would be the swamp area. Yeah, when I was intially writing this I told myself repeatedly 'Do NOT Forget The Swamp' and you know what I did? Forgot it anyways. ***Pulls a face*** Figures really. I would have had this rewritten and posted if the Powers That Be, hadn t taken away my internet. ***Grumbles about it.* **Much thanks to Chains and Shadowelf14 for reviewing. Not so sure I like the added swamp bit. But I didnt feel it was complete without it. Also: STOP KILLING MY QUOTATION MARKS, stupid ff.

To Chains: Awww, but what else am I suppose to fight zombies off with? Either way I totally agree with you on the age thing, man does it ever bother me when a person charecter can fart rainbows and make the world a better place for it.

Shadowelf14: ***Waves and bows* **Thankyou.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing witty today, massie headack from work. I no own, you no sue? Cept for Trouble, she's mine and then some.

* * *

**Chapter Five: The Nitty Gritty**

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

After searching the other huts, I and Leon decided to try the doors on the other side of the clearing. Only one proved to actually be open, (How DO they get anything done honestly) it opened to a swamp with all its wonder.

It was musty, and dark. Strange mist wafting about, wrapping the area around us in a strange cloak. It wasn t terribly THICK mist, but enough to be annoying.

At first it seemed like a normal stretch of trail, a slight slope accompanied by a medium sized shack on the side. The shack itself held w few boxes of ammo, and some pestas that would no doubt be of use later. Sheer stone walls on either side funneling us downward, with the criss-cross of wooden poles along each side.

A trail marker sitting at the top screamed slight warning to us, red wood strung with skulls and bones as Leon hesitated before waving me over to the side.

I've seen this before. Stay here, I'll scout up ahead. And he was gone, creeping down the hill quietly as I waited somewhat indignantly. Grunting caught my attention, and I looked up in time to see a pair of Ganado pushing at a giant bolder above.

"LEON, GET OUT OF THERE!" He looked up before leaping out of the way as the bolder slammed down between us, and I felt myself hold my breath as it rolled down the path before slamming into the stone wall further along the canyon. I clenched my teeth, trying to open the eyes that I had closed before I could see if the Agent who had been my friend was currently paste on the canyon wall or floor.

I stood there shaking for a bit, before an aggravated sigh caught my attentions and I attacked the source.

"YOU GIANT DICK!"I smacked his shoulder, stomping the twinge of relief I felt down with the burning anger I felt, "You COULD have WARNED me!"

"Sorry," He said, for once sounding sheepish, "I actually didn t think about it."

I just put my face in my hands, shaking it back and fourth before sighing.

Just don t do it again. I rolled my eye's skyward before tugging at his sleeve, Come on, daylights a wasting.

The route itself from then on seemed to be rather strait forward, raised bridge like area over swamp. Thin warped boards laid out helter-skelter across equally warped supports provided a somewhat better alternative to the deep putrid smelling water beneath, and Leon seemed to agree as we crept along.

A shout in the distance revealed a ganado, and he in turn caught the attentions of the ENTIRE SWAMP. I jogged forward a bit in the hopes that I could avoid him, and find a somewhat more defensible position in the large shack like area not to far from me, something caught me mid chest and felt myself being flung back with force.

And then things seemed to dance as my ears range, my chest heaving as I lay on the ground winded. What just happened? I tried to sit, but stopped short as the world seemed to sway around me. My ribs ached fiercely, and everything seemed to come in a haze.

A shout seemed to come from far off, and for a moment everything hazed out before slamming back into stark clarity, pain and all.

"TROUBLE!" Leon was shouting, as my head pounded eyes closed to the all to bright light of day. I'd been winded by something, and a brief glimpse told me that I was several feet from where I'd been running. Probably more then several feet actually now that I looked at it. I swayed to my feet, glad to know I was able to use them but more then a little confused as to what had happened. That was a bit more then just hitting my head, hell that was a full blown toss across a couple of feet of boardwalk.

A hand grabbed the back of my shirt, and I struck back with an elbow as it tried to drag. I spun noting that this was definitely NOT Leon, and that I was out off options as far as places to run went because Leon was more then a little occupied at the beginning of the boardwalk. I bolted again, towards the end of the boardwalk. Towards the area of open space that signified the end of semi-solid wood and the beginning of the swamp. Another ganado, standing in-between here and the next segment of boardwalk shouted something as I hopped from the board walk, using his meaty head as a stepping stone a crossed the expanse of murky water.

I stumbled, my balance still affected. Spinning, a bullet to the head put him down, as I caught a glimpse of Leon struggling on the other side with a couple of Ganado before the tell tale blast of a shotgun sounded. I spun and ran, hoping to find some sort of cover. But that hope was soon dashed as I came to a screeching halt momentum sending me careening into a ganado that had been lurking juts out of sight.

Whipping around I attempted to flee, instead of doing the smart thing and using my gun to remove the problem. An arm wrapped around my throat, grasping painfully tight as my body protested more abuse after the last stint. I slammed my elbow back, but luck wasn t with me this time, and all I was awarded with was a grunt as I fought the strong grip of the ganado. Another shout from a familiar voice caught my attention, but my struggling was at the forefront and all else was mute in comparison.

I moved my foot back, as I struggled hooking it around the ganados leg before pulling it forward tripping him back. He pulled me down with him, but for a split second his grip slipped and I took the opportunity to launched myself away rolling. I aimed and pulled the trigger once, twice, three times to the chest and he burst into... Whatever happened when they died.

I brought my gun up and turned back towards Leon, hitting an unfortunate ganado in the leg as he tried to mod the agent. Then from their everything got a bit blurry as everything turned into a flurry of gunfire and ganado ending only when the last ganado fell.

I felt sick to my stomach as I leaned against the shaky wooden posts that made up the poorly constructed railing, footsteps on wood made me look up and I was relieved to see Leon making his way towards me.

"You ok?" He asked.

"I think." I said moving my hand up towards to a strange warmth that had been slowly flowing through my hair, and hissed as I touched a large painful lump just above my temple. Pulling my hand away, I all but growled "Shit."

"What?" He moved pushing my head back and examining the area, his fingers came away red and I felt the queasy in my stomach jump up a notch. He looked in both eyes, pulling a penlight out flash it into them. "Looks like you hit your head pretty good, doesn t seem to serious but at the same time I think you might have a concussion. You start to feel sleepy, you let me know."

"Ok," Was all I could manage as he removed a few antibiotic wipes from his attache case, cleaning the area.

"Feeling queasy?"

"Yeah."

"It'll pass, think you can walk?"

"Yeah."

We walk along the boardwalk until we made it to the end of the valley, before pushing our way through another gate. A few ganado presented themselves as a worthy targets, and by this time me an Leon had a routine, dealing with them proved to be easier than it should have. The path onward split halfway, one heading up to a ridge and another heading downwards. We decided to take the path that led upward, thankfully because we got the drop on our next big challenge.

I will be honest and say I didn t know what to expect when we watched those damn Ganado's dump the poor officer into the middle of the lake.

"Dios malditos bastardos." Was all I could say as I watched them speed away in their boat, looking at the body floating face down. Not even a proper burial.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. Don t know too much Spanish, but I do know quite a few insults. I use to work at a place where the manager was from Mexico city, not entirely the same but very similar."

"Really. Don t suppose you could tell me what they've been saying all this time."

"Variants of 'Gonna Kill You , Outsider', and stuff like that. Nothing terribly original."

"Hu, figures." I spotted something odd as Leon spoke, hushing him and pointing at it.

"What, is that?"

A dark shadow sum under the surface of the water, too deep to identify but close enough to see. It moved closer to the body of the officer, lining up in an almost ominous way as it came closer surfacing in a split second grabbing the body in a single gulp and diving down again.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Leon jumped back from the edge of the cliff.

"Whu, whu, whu, whu?" Was the only response I could muster as I replayed the sequence in my head. Stop, rewind, watch, stop again rewind- "Zombie Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, what the fucking hell what THAT!"

"It... It looked like-"

"Salamander of DOOM."

"Seriously..."

Silence reigned between us as we shared a freaked out look, although Leon seemed to be much calmer then I was at the moment. Maybe I was the only one freaked out here. Turning I walked back down the path, taking deep breaths before forcing myself to accept it and move on.

"So."

"So," Said Leon in response, just behind me.

"Five Pestas say the Key is on the other side of that lake."

"I'm not gonna make a fools bet."

We stood there for a moment before I punched Leon in the shoulder.

"We better get going, if were marching to our doom we don t want to be late."

"Yeah," Said Leon as he took point, jogging down the lower trail that took us down to another shack and a rickety looking boat.

"Why do I not wanna chance it."

"You don t have to."

"Wait... What?"

"Your staying here."

"Like hell I am."

"You are and that s it. If I have to knock you out, you re staying here. I'll come back with the key and we can get Ashley and go."

"And what if you get your skinny ass eaten? The hell will I do?"

He gave me and exasperated look before handing me his communicator.

"Then I encourage you to improvise, save Ashley in whatever odd way is befitting your style and get the hell out of here. I'm just gonna see if the boat can out run the 'Salamander of Doom' as you called it. Here, take these too." He handed me his Binoculars, "I'll come back as soon as I know for sure."

"I hate this idea."

"I do too, but Like hell am I gonna put you in more danger by dragging you with me."

"Fare enough. Just keep yer skinny ass from getting eaten capish?"

"Of course Don Rain," He mimed kissing my ring, "Anything for the family."

"Be gone with you." I waved him off, odd thought that. Leon being part of a mob. And as he left, my mind did a total mock up of him in a nice black suit, white scarf, black hat and Tommy gun. Yeah, cause THAT would happen.

I trudged back up the hill to watch him go, nervous as I noticed the dark shadow following behind the boat. Please, please, please, be too fast for the damn giant freak. Please. I just made friends with him, and I would be severally distressed AND depressed if he died.

But my wish would go unheard, because I watched as the Giant Salamander speed up, breaching just in front of his boat like a demented whale out for blood. I let out a bone chilling roar that echoed a crossed the lake and back.

I watching in horror as the boat pitched back and forth, and jolted forward suddenly. The rope for the anchor must have jolted off the boat at one point, because I could see the rope attacked to it go taught as the boat was dragged forward by it. Oh god, was it caught on the Salamander thing? Oh god.

Leon tried firing off a few shots with his shotgun, but they didn t do too much good. The thing swam off again, dragging the boat with it and jolting it into a floating log. Leon flew out of the boat, landing in the water.

"SWIM! SWIM DAMNIT GET YER SKINNY ASS BACK IN THAT BOAT YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I didn t know it he could actually hear me, but he did manage to make it back to the boat just in time as the thing breached once more behind him. Obliviously they thing wanted another snack, hopefully Leon could find SOME way of getting away from it.

He pulled something from under one of the boats seats, throwing it at the thing as it swam past the boat, and I the nearby water turned red with blood as the creature screamed. Great, now it was even more pissed off.

"AIM FOR ITS HEAD! GET IT IN THE EYE DAMNIT!" The eye was an extension of the brain, and while not pretending to know anything about Salamander physiology the brain should be fairly badly damaged if the harpoons went deep enough.

I think he might have heard me, because the next one was aimed at its face. It skimmed off the things nose leaving a gash, but failing to do any more damage as it dove beneath the water. I watched as it circled, beneath the waves. God, could Leon even SEE it?

It breached again, this time headed straight for Leon. It was gonna eat the boat WHOLE!

I felt the muscles in my body clench, my own fight or flight response demanding me to DO SOMETHING!

I felt my hands creep up to my mouth, covering it as I realized that a distress not quiet scream was trying to make its way out of my lips. Leon hurled more harpoons at its head, as it opened its mouth. I watched as one flew into the gaping maw, striking something.

Another heart wrenching roar from the creature, and it dove beneath the waves again hemorrhaging blood. Was this it? Had he gotten something important?

Oh god please, I'm not a praying person. But PLEASE let it be.

A tug and I saw the body disappear deeper beneath the waves.

I also heard the distant pained cry as Leon fell, his ankle yanked out from under him by the rope from the anchor. He slashed at it with his knife, once, twice, three times.

And it could almost hear the snap as it let go, and I collapsed to my knees in relief. Zoning for a bit as I heard the boats motor sputter to life. My hand drifted from my mouth to my eyes covering them in relief.

More time must have passed then I was aware of, because the next thing I knew Leon was attempting to pry my hands from my face.

"I'm ok. It s ok." he said, voice low.

"You, you, you... STUPID BASTARDOS! I thought you were gonna die!" I flung myself at him, hugging a man I barely knew because he was the ONLY normal thing that I had left. "DONT YOU EVER, do that again."

"Glad to see you missed me."

"Yer skinny ass? As if." I said huffing and pushing him away.

"Again with my skinny ass. You have an unhealthy obsession."

"Gurk, Che you wish." I said facing breaking into a grin, "Wishful thinking Agent Kennedy?"

"Hu, no offense. But I've seen better."

I hit him in response.

"Your just intimidated by my womanly figure, and frank nature." I said, striking a pose.

He laughed at that, shaking his head and walking down the path.

"Come-on Femme Fatal, we've got a date with a key."

"Touch ."

Out of curiosity, what happened to 'I will get the key an bring it back?' I said, stopping for a moment and giving him a skeptical look.

Figured you would appreciate it if I came back for you, since there isn't any immediate danger.

Fair enough.

The boat ride was rather nerve wracking at first, but by the time we got to the other side I'd managed to get over it. Now if I could only get over my fear of heights I'd be set.

We clambered out of the boat, and I noted the shack off to one side, and the fish flipping about in the water by the dock.

"One fish, two fish. Red fish- mercury poison."

"You are a little twisted." Leon said chuckling.

"I do try." We joined in a good laugh, the deep belly aching sort of laugh that tingles down to your toes and makes it hard to stop.

We settled a bit, and I put my hand on my stomach. I felt a bit short of breath, but it'd been happening for awhile now so I shrugged it off.

I stepped off the dock brushing my butt of as I went. Call it an automatic reaction to sitting on anything dirty, taking a few steps I grasped my stomach.

"Hu, hurk," I fell to my knees, pain building in my stomach. Not again, god I couldn t take much more of this.

"Shit Trouble, you ok," I felt him attempt to pick me up, "Come-on, let s get you inside-" He made a noise halfway between a gasp and a scream, collapsing sideways.

Synchronized pain, lovely.

I managed to maintain my grasp on consciousness however, breathing deeply, and willing the pain away. It worked, if barely and I managed to get past it after a bit as the pain faded.

Dragging my heavy ass over to Leon, I pushed myself to my feet. Dragging his heavy ass with me, fuck guess he ain t as skinny as I thought. Must be all muscle. I heaved his meaty shoulder over mine, and struggled to the shack. Thankful for the bed in the corner, even if the mattress was nasty. I pushed it off with my foot, heaving as I tried to place Leon on the bed WITHOUT dropping him.

I mean, I am sure he would live through it. But he wouldn t appreciate when he wakes up. If he wakes up that is, whatever it was didn t kill me. But that was no guarantee.

Either way, I managed to lay him down gently before dragging the mattress outside looking around, noting the large door off the left of the cabin. But choosing to ignore it for the time being, before dropping the mattress and heading back inside. Looks like clouds are rolling in, and I don t want to be out here when the break.

I shuffled my feet and rubbed my hands together. A piece of paper caught my attention, and I walked over to pick it up. Noting the slightly dingy surface to the paper.

Anonymous Letter

There's an important item hidden in the falls.  
If you are able to get it, you might be able to get Ashley out of the church.

But I'll warn you, the route to the church isn't a walk in the park by any means. They've deployed what s called an "El Gigante", so God Bless.

About what's been going on in your body...  
If I could help you, I would.  
But unfortunately it's beyond my power.

What? No I miss you, I love you, baby I'll call yah later? Honestly, I didn t know who wrote this letter. But my money was on Luis, or maybe the 'Third party' that was in the last note. Either way, I didn t like the implications.

I looked over at Leon, unsure of what to do. But shrugged it off as I realize just how TIRED I was. Today had taken a toll on me, and I really needed to just sit down. And maybe find some way to make myself warm. It had only gotten colder, and I was beginning to wish I'd worn socks with the sandals that I no longer had. Perhaps they would have been spared and my feet would be warm.

I shuffled over the bed, looked at Leon and shrugged. If it couldn t be help it couldn t be helped. I lifted his shoulders up a bit, moving and shoving a bit I managed to shift him enough to where my lap was acting as an impromptu pillow for him... And stealing his heat.

Don t get me wrong, good looking guy and all but I am only after one thing at the moment, and I HATED being cold.

I was about at my limit really, in the past day or two (I couldn t tell entirely how long it had been) I'd been kidnapped, carried about, attacked in more ways then usually imaginable, thrown, yelled at, dehydrated, violated (In a completely non-sexual way) and insulted.

But that was besides the point. I was running on empty here, and while I knew I should stay awake my body definitely didn t care. I felt my eyes droop a bit, and I fought the wave of sleepiness that came with being warm and stationary.

Ah hell. I'm gonna hate myself when I wake up.

I woke up sometime later, the dark night sky and rolling thunder the only greetings back in the land of the living. I scrubbed the dried out crap from my eyes, moving Leon's head and shoulders off my lap and back onto the bed.

I stretched, grabbing my bag off the floor by the bed and rummaging through it. I managed to produce two bottles of water and a few granola bars, I munched on one leaving the other and a second bottle of water for Leon.

I moved towards the table, digging in my bag once more and pulling out a box of matches. No I don t smoke, but it s always useful to have a source of fire. Checking the lamp for fuel I was rewarded with a positive, so I lit it thankful for the light. A groan sounded behind me, I turned and watched as Leon lurched up breathing heavily.

"You okay?"

He looked at me for a moment, he a bit unnerved as he pushed himself up a bit more. Rubbing his eyes, he stood grunting and rubbing his stomach.

"Yeah, fine-" a ring from his radio interrupted him.

"Leon. it's been 6 hours since out last transmission. I was starting to get worried." Came Hunnigans voice.

"Don't you mean lonely? Anyway, I started to feel dizzy. And then I guess I must have lost consciousness."

"Lost consciousness? Maybe it has some connection to what the village chief was talking about...?"

"Can't say. But I'm all right now. I'm gonna continue my mission." He closed his radio and I poked his meaty shoulder to get his attention.

"Found this after I dragged you in here." I waved the letter at him.

He took a few minutes to read it, frowning at it like it bothered him.

"Well, looks like we know where the damn key is. Don t know if we can completely trust this though. We'll proceed with caution, don t want to be caught with our pants down."

I glared at him, tapping my foot.

"Err, Pun NOT intended."

"Thank you."

I offered him the extra bottle of water, as well as the granola bar. He ate before we walked out of the cabin, and I extinguished the lantern as we went.

And it was raining. Well, don t that beat all?

We walked toward the door set against the wall, opening them slowly before walking forward, and catching the attention of two Ganado s in the process.

But one of 'em didn t look right. Kinda... Sqicky...

What? It s a word! If only in my head.

He looked like I felt after a fifth of vodka and an ass kicking. Not that I did so very often, but there was this one time Downtown after my birthday- I did NOT just get sidetracked.

I heard a sick squelching sound, and suddenly his head exploded. Freaked both I and Leon right the fuck out.

And I know it freaked him out cause he said.

"JESUS CHRIST!"

I raised my gun at the... Tentacle, monster, THING that flailed about out of the stump of what was his head, and pulling the trigger I was rewarded by a high pitched shriek. A shotgun blast from Leon finished it off.

I took down the next and we moved on, this next area was all rushing water and...

"Damn."

"Haha, very funny."

"I can t help it, I'm hilarious."

"Sure you are."

"Everybody s jealous of my gifts." I said jogging forward, leaping from one wooden platform to another until I was a crossed. Leon managed to catch up to me before I could cross the second set.

"How is it that you can jump over rushing water like that without thinking about it, but you take one step onto a raised catwalk and you freak?"

"Principal."

"What?"

"It's different. I CAN swim, I CANT fly."

"Hu, never thought about it like that before."

"Most people don t."

"Kind of has a hint of common sense to it."

"Doesn t it just?" I leaped over the next set before stopping like id run into a brick wall, "Mad gods TITS!"

"You do have the most interesting sayings."

"Hazard of growing up like I did."

The next step in our journey wasn t a gentle slope, a lovely set of stairs or even a nice sturdy ladder, oh no. It was a rope, and a cliff. Someone up there was ENJOYING this, and I know because I could practically hear them laughing from here.

"You can d-"

"Save it. I can t climb without looking down."

"Well."

"I can t even climb a rope anyways... I FAILED gym. I took FIRST AID to get my P.E. credits."

"There goes my first idea... Ok, put your arms around my neck and I'll lower us both down."

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Yeah," He put a hand on my shoulder, a gesture of comfort that I wasn t entirely comfortable with yet, "Trust me, I won t drop yah."

Why does everyone ask you to trust them? Honestly, it makes me less inclined to trust ANYONE. But I did as he asked, closing my eyes and pray it would be over quick.

"Perhaps in a less choking manner?" Leon said in a pained voice. And I loosened up, "Much better."

Scaling down the cliff was done entirely without my input, since I contented myself with keeping my eyes closed and my legs wrapped around his waist. Like the piggyback ride FROM HELL!

"You can ease up and the death grip now."

"Are we down yet?"

"Yes. It s ok to open your eyes."

"LIES!" But I opened them anyways, just to be contrary. We were indeed on the ground, and I promptly released afford mentioned death grip, shuffling back a bit looking around, ignoring the mud seeping between my toes at the same time.

We stalked forward slowly, silence somewhat foreboding. A platform to the right shook, and a Ganado took a flying leap at us. Leon did an awesome spin kick, sending the unfortunate fellow flying into the river as I aimed and shot another Ganado that had been standing staring at the wall not too far away.

There was another gap in the walkway, but this time it was too big for up to leap over, so Leon had the pleasure of shooting the chains wrapped around a crate hanging above the rushing water.

Leon leaped first, he insisted. Wanted to make sure it was safe, I for on would like to say I am just as capable of judging this as he is. Damn chivalry.

"It's a little tipsy, land in the middle if you can." He called back.

I took a flying leap, bouncing off the box rather than just landing on it and onto the ground next to Leon.

We moved towards the waterfall, ignoring the slight mist coming of the water.

"The catwalk looks like it leads strait into the falls." I said, looking at it carefully.

"Yeah, but the water isn t gonna be good for our equipment."

"True... There has to be a switch or something," I looked around, noting an almost painfully obvious lever on the far side of the river. I pointed, "There, up on that platform."

"Why do the suck at hiding everything but the key we're looking for?"

"Because you touch yourself at night."

"You..."

"Are twisted? Yeah, I think we've covered this."

"You are a pain you know that?"

"Yup."

"Ok, stay here. I'll go flip the switch."

"H'okay."

He trotted off, shooting the chains off a second box. Leaping a crossed, trotting up to the platform that had the switch on it. Flipping it as I waited. I turned, hearing a mechanism grind to work. I watched as the water was diverted by a strange sluice like mechanism, and squeaked as I noticed what was waiting just inside the falls.

"LEON!" I raised my gun firing as several Ganado started towards me, killing one, two maybe before the mobbed me and dragged me into the cave.

"TROUBLE!" I heard as one of Ganado dragged me to the back of the cave, and I freaked out kicking and swinging limbs to and fro. Desperate to get free.

I heard shotgun blasts as I twisted and fought, pulling the trigger to my gun when I could get the chance. Their fingers were bruising tight, the stench of unclean flesh, horrible decaying things filled my nose and I felt the gorge in the back of my throat rise.

I felt like I was being pulled every which way, and closing my eyes I tried to keep what little was in my stomach, IN my stomach. Kicking thrashing as we ran into a dead end, suddenly the Ganado s grip slacked, and I fell to the ground curling into a little ball.

I have had enough of this ride, PLEASE let me off!

A few more shotgun blasts and I opened my eyes, catching sight of Leon kicking Ganado left and right. I pulled my brain out of the realm of pussydom and forced myself into action, raising my half empty gun and emptying it into the nearest Ganado.

Dropping the empty clip I slammed another one home, pulling the trigger and taking as many shots as I dared now that they were so close to Leon.

A few minutes later and we were in the clear, breathing heavily but otherwise barely scathed. I say barely because I was sure I was gonna have bruises come morning, in the shape of fingers and hands no doubt.

"You okay," Leon said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. Fine." I felt mighty grungy as well, and wished I was back out in the rain.

"Hu, funny how the world works."

"Eh?"

He pointed, and I noticed for first time the round key set into the wall behind us. I grabbed it, ripping the damn thing from the wall and throwing it at Leon.

"You hold it, I soooooo fucking done with this place." And I felt the tunnel move around us and felt my eye twitch, as I notice the wall behind us lift up and reveal a door behind it.

This place made about as much sense as a abstract painting.

Leon rolled his eyes at me, and pulled out his radio.

"I've obtained an object that resembles the cult group's insignia."

"Wonderful, Leon." Came Hunnagins voice, "Head back to the church. Ashley's safety is our immediate priority."

I shrugged and pushed the door in front of us open.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Common sense tells me that this is probably block off for a reason, chances are that it leads back to the area near the church. Or close to it, I for one don t want to go back out in the rain unless I can t help it. Besides, apart from those other two Ganado, who have you seen cross the lake? Us, that s it. So, I would rather give this way a try."

"If you insist."

I pushed the door open completely, to reveal a watery cave beyond. A boat sat in the water, almost beckoning. And I grinned at Leon.

"Shut up you."

"I said nothing."

"You didn t need to."


	6. A Night in the Rain

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He's a secret agent, she's a college student. He was sent in to save the Presidents daughter, she can save herself. If she doesnt sabotage him in the process.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **El Fatbutt make his debue, and Trouble finally gets reunited with Ashley. I wasnt very pleased with how the fight scene turned out, I've changed it half a dozen times before settling on 'Oh fuck it this works.' Soooo any feed back on it would be great.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Resident evil, YET! Trouble is working on that.

* * *

Chapter 6: A night in the rain

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

The boat ride proved to be short, but nerve wracking in that the vessel proved to be piss all hard to steer, and the walls annoyingly close. But we managed to get there in one piece. Well, there as in a cave just below another door. Shored up by beams made of the same sort of wood used in the constrcution of just about everything else. We also ran into the Merchant again, and his stock pile of weapons (Which was extensive enough to blow a small state to smithereens) trading the many little treasure in for gun upgrades and such trading one liners all the while.

It wasn t long before we were up the ladder near the boat launch and opening the door, which happened to be the locked door in the sort of courtyard with the little huts we'd gone through earlier. We took a few steps into the court yard, warily looking around at the lit lamps in the little huts. Obviously, the Ganado s had come back at some point. A few more steps and we were in the middle of the courtyard.

The groaning of wood behind us caught my attention, and I whirled in time to see a wooden gate drop in place. You know, the sort of gate that make you go 'Oh shit! HOW did I NOT notice that?' Effectively cutting us off, another groan and a gate dropped over the other exit. Trapping us in the courtyard as the large doors (the ones that I was pointedly Not Noticing earlier) at the other end of the court yard were thrust open, Ganado s running out, thick ropes in hand as they dragged... Something through the gates, growling and roaring as they struggled with it.

A tug back on the ropes sent the Ganado s reeling, and as the gate burst from the walls I caught sight of the creature beyond. Oversized limbs and body, distorted features that might once have been human, and crazed eyes. It was easily twenty feet tall, and proved its strength by slamming its fist into the nearest Ganado, sending it flying.

It summarily took care of the foolish Ganado s unlucky enough to be thrown into rope duty, squishing or throwing them around it before turning on us. Gooy Ganado paste splattered here and there.

I stood there for four point five seconds, brain going into over load before thinking one thing 'Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllll no.' And I felt a subtle pop in my head, and I swear my brain fled while it had the chance, leaving me to fend for myself. Bastard.

I dodged to the left and rolled away, towards the nearest gate as Leon did a fancy back flip to get away from the massive fist that the giant had swung at him. A roar split through the air, and I shoved at the gate trying to find a way to get it out.

Rolling my eyes I turned, looking for a quick way to get rid of the monstrosity that was apparently El Gigante. There had to be SOMETHING. But whatever it was it had to wait, because El Gigante sent half a wooden hut flying my direction I dropped and rolled.

I came up firing, gun aiming for is head as Leon just opposite of me, loading his shotgun. Might as well be of some use and distract it, or at least that was my thought. Until it PICKED ME UP! Air was forced from my lungs, ribs creaking and I desperately tried to free myself.

He was gripping me so tightly I couldn t breath, waving me about like I was his newest toy. A blast echoed and it dropped me like a rock, turning slowly to try and get at the source of its irritation. I landed on my back, coughing and sputtering trying to simultaneously catch my breath and get away.

I scrambled about a bit, limbs weak but adrenaline rushing through my veins, I managed to find a hiding place behind one of the shacks.

Another roar and the shack I'd been hiding behind was sent flying, up and over the fence behind me. Angry red eye's searched for me, finding me as I took action in a hair brained scheme that would probably get me killed.

The creature lunged for me, missing as whirled around grabbing onto its arm just above the eldow. A roar of protest following the quick movements that I assumed were Its version of the Ew ew ew get it OFF! dance. Clumsy movements smacked and whacked at me missing by bare inches as I hung onto the flailing limb.

A gunshot distracted It and I took the chance to shimmy hand over hand up its shoulder like the devil himself was on my tail, I making it over his shoulder before he realized what was going on, rolling and tumbling down his back clumsily I grabbed at some odd protrusion to slow my fall. A shriek caught my attention and I looked over in horror as El Gigante roared, sound permeating the night sky. I released my grip on the creature as though I'd been burned, stomach heaving as I tried not to stare fixedly at the sickly alien creature protruding from his back.

That, that thing was probably what was controlling El Gigante. My legs crumbled before I tucked and rolled away scurrying across the ground, about ten feet later I popped up to my feet, Leon standing shotgun ready as El Gigante tried to figure out exactly what had happen.

"Leon, aim for the thing in its back."

"What?"

I pointed, "ITS BACK DAMNIT!"

"Oh," was all he had the time to say before it came charging at us, and we leaped apart going opposite directions. It followed Leon, shambling after the poor agent with a zeal previously unseen. Must really not like poor Leon. Either way, it gave me the perfect shot and I took it. That perversion. That THING was not natural. It COULDNT be. And I knew that I had to destroy it, even as something inside of me screamed not to.

I shot at it a few times, managing to hit the thing in its back, but it bumbled right back around, charging after me like a crazed thing. Leon unloaded his shotgun into it back, as I dodged right and down trying to roll under him again. But the super sized pee brain wasn t quiet that stupid, and decided to use me as a soccer ball.

I hit the wall with a SMACK falling to the ground with a grunt, struggling I tried to get back on my feet ribs aching but I lacked the power. Lucky for me, not so much for Leon It decided to chase after him instead.

And Leon's luck just seemed to get worse as El Gigante managed to grab him much in the way it'd grabbed me, squeezing the air out of the poor agent. I tried to once more to stand, making it onto my feet but not without a toll. My head swam, and breathing was difficult.

A howl split the air, far above my head and I looked up. A dog, or was it a wolf? Stood on the cliff above, before leaping like a creature possessed onto the back of El Gigante and savaging the creature that had take residence there.

The giant dropped the Agent in favor of attacking the dog, Leon took advantage of the distraction rolling away from the Giant as he hit the ground, and coming back to his feet not with his shotgun but the rifle that I had rarely seen him use.

The report from the gun was loud.

An almost defining thud, the crack of a wooden fence breaking and the creature burst into a mass of wormy creatures that dissolved away much like his Ganado counter parts. Louder than it should have been, but the silence after was broken only by Leon's heavy panting and my own relieved struggling.

I am certainly feeling inadequate.

The dog wandered over to sniff at me a bit, before I offered it my hand greeting it as I would any other unknown dog at home. A sniff, a wag and then several puppy kisses later, I was certain that this indeed had been someone pet. White fur was matted with dark mud, and something that looked like blood as well, long muzzle and distinct head shape screaming German Sheppard.

I made to stand, but hissed as the sting in my ribs turned into a stab, I had to have broken something.

"Here," Leon came over lifting my shirt, his fingers moved over my lower ribs poking and prodding as I hissed and complained, I ignored the closeness in favor of the pain. I was totally NOT use to having another person touch me, so having a lot of contact so suddenly was a bit, nerve wracking to say the least.

"Looks like you've bruised your ribs, nothing to serious. He said, moving my shirt back down, and my mind suddenly moved right back to the defense mechanism that been a part of me since middle school.

"Wow Leon."

"Yeah, first aid training can be quiet handy."

"Nah, not that."

"Then what?"

"You move quick."

"Eh?" He had the oddest look on his face.

"Usually I would have to get dinner, and drinks before letting a guy lift my shirt." And by defense mechanism I meant my more then slightly off sense of humor and sarcasm.

The look on his face was priceless, and I couldn t help the giggles that escape me.

He coughed, and I stood ruffling the fur on the white dogs back.

"We are NOT keeping him."

"Oh come on Leon, we owe him."

"No, no we don t. I saved him earlier that means we are even."

"But Leon! He's all alone, in hostile territory and he is a DOMESTICATED animal."

"No."

"But Leon, look at his face- Look at THIS FACE." The dog did indeed look pitiful, and the kicked puppy look was definitely eating away at Leon.

"Fine, but he is your respons-"

"YAY! Imma name you... Fang, no to common. Hewie? Nah, heard of that before. Hmmmm, you re a boy dog so that rules out anything girly. How 'bout... Battle. Yeah, cause you re a heck of a warrior." I scratched his chest, and was rewarded by a happy dog grin.

"Battle hu? Okay, but like I was going to say. He's your dog, so he's your responsibility."

"Yes mother."

He rolled his eyes at me before turning back to the fallen giant. The thing had fallen sideways, knocking out the wooden gate and fence before melting away, so we were free to flee at our earliest convenience.

We did a bit of ammo collecting, and clip finding (Most of our clips had been scattered hither and yon because of our brief moments in the air.) I seriously had to considered little pouches everywhere to keep things in order. If you know, I could FIND PANTS!

Either way, our little jaunt with El Gigante was going to leave me sore for weeks, but at least we didn t have to worry about serious injury.

But that aside, we were only a catwalk away from the church, and at the moment I couldn t find it in myself to fuss about the above ground conditions. I'd lived through one trip a crossed, and I'd live through another. Even if I didn t like it, and I didn t.

So naturally, the weather would just start pouring the moment I took a step on the slick wood surface. But the boards only creaked as usual under my weight, and I patted my leg gesturing for the dog to follow me.

Leon took up the rear, (And my mind wouldn t stop making stupid cracks about that) and we made it to the little hut halfway taking shelter within for a brief moment. I hate this soooo much, and I am sure my nippys don t appreciate the lovely weather either.

But I shrugged it off in favor of a nice little fantasy about warm fire places, and thick blankets. We tottered back out into the rain, and I leaped over the next divide Battle and Leon quickly following suit. I stopped for a moment, putting my hand up so that he would get the message.

I heard something, something odd over the thunder. It sounded like growling, and Battle seemed a bit agitated. Could it be another dog? Why would it be growling like that?

I turned to Leon, motioning for him to listen. A moment later, and he was loading his shotgun grim look on his face. He paced forward, and I fell back.

He did after all, have a shotgun. He was better equipped to deal with whatever might come at us. And it was a good thing I did too, because the second he stepped onto solid land a tanish white clump of fangs and fur came flying at him.

A few shotgun blasts put it down, thankfully.

It looked like the bastard cross between a wolf, and a tentacle monster before melting away as the other creatures had.

"The hell."

"Yeah, better stick close. And keep Battle close too, don t want to mistake him for one of them."

I nodded before turning towards the church.

A growl was my only warning as I fell flat on my ass attempting to dodge the growling mass that had come flying at me.

I scuttled back as I heard Leon swear, he leaped into action as Battle charged the thing. It dashed Battle away, and leaped at me again. This time meeting the business end of Leon's shotgun in a shower of flesh and blood that would give any normal person nightmares. A second blast made the thing a vague splatter on the catwalk boards, and weakened the walkway beneath me.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just a little unexpected."

I got to my feet, boards groaning underneath my feet.

"Maybe you should get off the catwalk." I had my back to him, moving slowly watching the boards splinter.

"Sounds like a pla-" the boards broke free and I felt suddenly weightless, and my stomach fell before I did, but I would never catch up. A sudden jerk at my middle kept me from falling to far, and I had enough rational thought left to realize that hands were gripping my sides.

But not enough to keep myself from freezing up. I don t even think I was breathing, I was so scared. Luckily I hadn t fallen very far, unluckily it was still raining and my shirt was being a bitch. Leon's fingers had trouble finding traction, wet skin too slick for him to keep his grip.

His hand slid up as I started to slip from his grasp, that is until his hands encountered two large blocking mechanisms that jolted me out of the frozen fear. I grabbed his hands and we managed to get me over the edge of the cliff.

"I will only ask this once more. Are you ok?"

"Yeah..."I breathed shakily, mind numb.

Leon turned away from me, and I noticed a that the back of his neck was a bright red. My mind latched suddenly onto the fact that I had the perfect ammo and I couldn t stifle the giggles.

"That s a fetching shade you have going on there. What would you call it Leon, lightesh red or pink?"

"Quiet you."

"Unexpected Bewbing."

He huffed as he got to his feet, and I followed suit.

We both shuffled up the hill towards the church, Battle wagging his tail and following right behind us, he had for the most part escape unscathed. The rain made if tough going, but we made it without further incident. The key fit in the hole with only a little technical adjustment, and the door swung open like a dream.

Bright light, and warmth beckoning like a sirens call we moved forward. A dais sat at the far end, purple cloth covering it. Pews sat to each side, lined up in a typical row and all in all it wasn t much to unusual for a medieval church.

There was a second level, and what looked like quite a few wrought iron gates on that second level.

"I would have to guess she's on the second level."

"Not unless they stuffed her into one of those cupboards. Of course they would have had to chop her up first." I put my hand to my chin in a thinking pose.

"Your just a little ray of sunshine aren t you?"

"Only on the best days."

With a little searching we managed to find a ladder that lead to the second level, and Leon scaled it with no problem. I was a bit slower, but that was only because I had to convince Battle to stay. Silly thing wanted to follow me up the ladder.

Either way, we hit a dead end pretty quickly and I felt bad as Battle whined below us.

"You could... Always jump a crossed on the chandelier?" My voice was uncertain, questioning almost.

"Why me? Why don t you jump a crossed."

"Would you really like to repeat they last experience we had with heights? Really, there are better ways to feel a girl up." I was rewarded by the red flush that crept to his ears. Oh yeah, that one was going to be good for blackmail material and puns for awhile.

"Your right, wouldn t want you to break your neck because you can t stand heights."

"Ha ha, your soooooo funny Agent Kennedy."

He did a net jump and swing on the chandelier and jump a crossed again, a few minuets passed as he fiddled with some weird light puzzle that eventually lifted the iron gates a crossed both ends of the corridor. Paced over to the door that had been barred on both sides, Leon coming to stand just beside me. Leon waved at me to stay put, and I pulled a face but didn t bother to argue. Something s weren't worth the bother.

He swung the door open quickly, and I stepped off to the side.

"Ashley." I heard Leon say.

"NO! Don t come," I heard the clink of wood and suddenly a two by four came flying at me, beaming me in the forehead.

"SON OF A BITCH!" I put my hand to my head as I heard a gasp from the room, "And you said 'Stay out here it might be dangerous.' Sweet zombie Jesus that hurts."

I walked around the door jamb to give Leon a proper glare.

"YOU!" Came a shrill yell from Ashley s corner.

"Yes me."

"What are you doing here?"

"Being beamed in the head by wood apparently."

"That s not what I meant."

"I know, I just like to answer stupid questions by stating the obvious." I could feel a headache brewing, as I rubbed my forehead. I was seriously going to end up with brain dama- worse brain damage then I already had by the end of the night I was sure of it.

"You- You..."

"You seem to be regressing, I swear you were making full sentences not five minutes ago. What a disappointment, I was hoping I might actually be able to speak to you between now and when we get rescued."

"Down girl." Leon said, strange look on his face stepping between us. I suppose I should point out that I was being more then a little cynical at this point, not that it was unusual for me of course. But he hadn t seen this level of cynicism from me yet.  
"We do need to make it to the extraction point, please don t kill each other before then. He turned back to Ashley, Everything's going to be just fine. My name's Leon, I'm under the President's order to rescue you."

"What, my father?"

"No he means the goat down the street, can we get this act on the road? I'm getting moldy here."

"Do you really think I care?" Ashley said, blond snob biting back finally.

"No, but your just going to have to live with it. I have an opinion, this is it. You don t like it? Kindly remove yourself from my existence."

"That is enough you two. Let s go, before you tear each other apart." Said Leon as he gave us both a look. Then proceeded to call Hunnigan

"It's Leon. I've succeeded in extricating my subject."

"Good work, Leon. I'll send a chopper over right away." She sounded genuinely relieved.

"What's the extraction point?"

"There's another trail that you can take to get out of the village. The chopper will pick you up beyond there."

"Got it. I'm on my way. "He slapped his radio shut and ushered us toward the ladder, dropping down next to Battle who was waving his tail spastically at Leon s sudden reappearance.

Her motioned for Ashley to jump, and she did. I opted to use the ladder, sliding down at a respectable but slower pace.

"Come on we-" he made a dash for the door but was stopped by the sound of clapping... And then Saddler in my view and I saw red. And was promptly stopped from tackling the man by Leon s arm.

"I'll take the girls." Saddler said, arrogant voice echoing through the church.

"Who are you?" Leon said, voice angry.

"If you must know, my name is Osmund Saddler, the master of this fine...religious community."

"What do you want?"

"To demonstrate to the whole world, our astounding power of course. No longer will the United States think they can police the world forever. So we kidnapped the President's daughter, in order to give her our power, and then send her back. The other was merely, icing on top of the cake. She's special to us. So please, kindly return her to our care."

"No..."

"Leon, I think they shot something in my neck." Ashley said, her voice more than freaked. Leon s glare grew, a mixture of hate and 'Gon Stabb you.'

"We just planted her a little...gift. Oh, there's going to be one hell of a party when she returns home to her loving father." He laughed, in a classical villians sinister manner."But before that, I thought I might bargain with the President for some...donations. Believe it or not, it takes quite a lot of money to keep this church up and running."

"Faith and money will lead you nowhere, Saddler." Leon said, voice a low growl.

"Oh, I believe I forgot to tell you that we gave you the same gift.

"When I was unconscious." He touched his neck and I rolled my eyes. Really, what WAS his first clue?"

"Oh, I truly hope you like our small, but special contributions. When the eggs hatch, you'll become my puppets. Involuntarily, you'll do as I say. I'll have total control over your minds. Don't you think this is revolutionary way to propagate one's faith?"

"Sounds more like an alien invasion if you ask me!"

The church doors open and two zealots appear, armed with crossbows. Leon grabbed us as Battle growled a challenge and we made a break for it, the zealots firing their crossbows, narrowly missing hitting us with their arrows. I felt my eyes widen as we ran towards the stain glass windows.

Oh HELL NO! Glass Leon! GLASS! SOLID MATTER! We crashed through them, and I felt Leons hand slip away as I rolled to a stop on the other side. THAT was gonna sting.

"You okay?" Leon asked no one in particular.

"Leon, what's going to happen to us?" Asked Ashley, completely disregarding Leons question.

"Don't worry, we got into this mess, we can get out of it."

"Chicken thighs." Both looked at me, propped against the far wall as I was. What? Did they forget about me, I'm hurt.

Leon only rolled his eyes at me as I climbed to my feet, noting the the thin purple underwear I was currently wearing were not only dirty but slightly torn. Great, my favorite pair of panty s are now cheap hooker worthy.

I adjusted my hostler, and noticed a small detail that had crept past my attention.

Battle was still in the church...

I put my fingers to my mouth, and let out an ear piercing whistle. Leon and Ashley flinched as a bark came form the other side of the wall before Battle came leaping through what had previously been a window.

A chanting on the other side reminded me of our lovely company.

"Something tells me its time to go."

"Yup." Ashley said, moving closer to Leon.

"Sounds like a plan to me. Ashley stay behind me, Trouble take up the rear." Said Leon, before he charged towards a door at the far end from us open.

The grave yard was dark, but even I could make out the figures in the dark. A wagon sat off to the side of the grave yard road and the only thing I could think at the moment was, 'How the HELL did they get a wagon here? The only way to get here was the cliff and the fake church.'

But reality came crashing back as a Ganado charged Leon, swinging down with a shout and an ax. I really hate this graveyard.

Another came at me, and I pointed my gun and pulled the trigger. Head shots were most effective, and my aim was getting better. The ganado was down before the next got to close, and Battle had him down before he could think of doing anything else.

I fired into his face, killing him as well. Not far off Leon unloaded his shotgun into two more before putting it back, pulling his handgun out once more. All was quiet as I looked around, Battle leaning on my side as I scratched his ears with one hand, gun in the other.

"Trou-" I jumped as Leon tried to get me attention, my hand tightened and unintentionally I pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the weird cart with and with a WUMPH, it burst into flame and all three of us watched wide eyed as it rolled down the hill, taking out the other ganados stupid enough to stand in its way.

My mouth was open as I looked back at Leon, and we both traded a look.

"I cant believe someone gave you a gun." Ashley said.

"Me either." I said giggling madly.

Leon gave me a 'Shut up' look, and we moved on down into the crypt past the Merchant up into the fake church and out into the eerie quiet and darkness of the village. Leon choose a direction different from the one I was familiar with and we moved towards a path that was lit by guttering torches. I heard noise in the darkness, the shuffling of many feet.

And I gulped as I noticed the glow of red eyes in the darkness.

Ashley screamed, and I about jumped out of my skin as what looked like a bear trap slapped shut near her foot. Leon kicked another aside, and I noted quiet a few between us and the gate that I was assuming was our goal. They were hidden beneath thick layers of mud, and all that much more difficult to see because of it.

Turning I noticed a slight problem.

"Leon?"

"Yeah?"

"We might maybe wanna go now."

"We aren t going anywhere until I can get these traps outta the way."

"Really? Cause I thought you didn t want any more guests on this venture."

"Wha-" He turned looked behind me, and grabbing Ashley in a fireman s lift took off a crossed the short distance between us and the door dodging traps as he went. I took his cue grabbed Battle in a similar manner and took my chances. I could hear traps snapping shut behind me, and screams as ganado's bumbled into them, but the press of Ganado's didn t let up.

Just in time to, as what had to be a HURD of Ganados slammed into the doors behind us, Leon dropped Ashley to her feet as I dropped Battle. Moving like people possessed we shoved, and strained to push a dingy orange garbage can in-front of the gates, barring them for a moment.

"OH COME ON! This is like Texas Chainsaw massacre meets The Hangover."

The area we'd come into was dark save for a light in a barn not to far from us, and another dark building to me left as well as a large building just beyond it. A tell tale muttered phrase in Spanish giving away the Ganado in the area. At least we KNEW we weren't alone. Most people would find that comforting, but right now I just wanted to sit down in my living room with a nice bottle of something that would make me tingly.

I really needed a drink.

A few bullets later, and we were in a large barn. It was well lit which was all kinds of odd, but our path from here was a bit sporadic, more bear traps (These ones of the not well hidden kind) littered the floor, jaws gaping wide, rusted steel teeth waiting.

A ladder lead up to a loft in the barn, Leon giving us the obligatory stay command before he scaled it giving us the all clear whistle after a few minuets. Ashley went first, since I had to carry Battle over my shoulder to get him up to the loft.

We then proceeded to climb over a window sill and

Leon leapt down, waving for us to wait as he inspected a few suspicious indentations in the ground. He poked at one of them, and was rewarded by a resounding snap as a bear trap slapped shut.

"You two stay up there. I'm gonna take care of these."

"Ok."

"Be careful, you only have one set of legs. And I don t volunteer mine."

A few minutes passed by as Leon sprang more bear traps, and I couldn t help but wonder what they were doing with so many. Ashley was sending me a few strange looks, and I could almost see the questions on the tip of her tongue.

"What?" I said finally.

"Why aren t you wearing pants?"

"HA! Pants are for the weak." I paused before going on, "After all, they are only suggestions. More guidelines if you will. Such as roads, or potato s."

"First things first, your never driving me anywhere. And Second, what the heck do potato s have to do with anything?"

"Potatoes have EVERYTHING to do with nothing."

"You have screws loose."

"More than a few yes."

"I do not wish to associate with you. You are likely to eat me. And enjoy it."

"Oh common! I would wait until you were dead first. Really, I might even pray for your soul before getting out the silverware."

"And for some reason I am not finding that encouraging either."

"Your strange."

"Says the woman who thinks pants are only a suggestion."

"Really, sanity and normality are both subjective."

"Ehehehehe. Should I be worri-" But was interrupted by Leon walking.

"Are you two getting along?" Leon said trotting up to the ladder and righting it. He looked between us, taking in my smile and Ashley s slightly worried look. "Do I have to separate you?"

"Of course not Leon, I am just being my normal amiable self." I said, smiling sweetly. He didn t appear to be buying it.

"She hasn t been mean to you has she Ashley?"

"Noooo..." There was a big unheard but at the end of her sentence.

"Oh come-on Leon, I know I can be annoying. But I also grow on people, like a fungus! We'll be friend's in no time. ~Oooooohhhhhh The fungussssss among usssssss~"

"Right."

For some odd reason, he didn t sound convinced. 

* * *

Ending Notes: So I dont know officially when it started raining in RE4, all I know is that it wasnt raining and then it was. So I MADE it rain, because I am the Author and I can do that.


	7. Chainsaws And Cabins

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He freed her, she annoyed him. Comedic relief comes in all shapes and sizes.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional. Possible blood, gore and mentions of stabbing, and not in the fun way yo.

**Author Notes: **Thankyou to all the reviewers of this chapter, I have written back accordingly so if you didnt get a message from me then just let me know. Also I have set up a Forum in the Resident Evil Section if anyone has any general questions, as per my friend's suggestion.

**Disclaimer: ***Holds up a sign* Does not own, nor claim to own Resident Evil in any way shape or form... Except for a copy of each Gamecude version ever published. Nor is she in fact, any sort or Shellfish.

* * *

**Cabins and Chainsaws**

**By:** Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

The next gate closed behind us, revealing the Merchant off to one side of a bridge looking around sceptically.

"How do you do that?" I asked, as I jogged up to him looking around.

"Do what?" the Merchant asked.

"Get here before us?

"I have no idea what yer talking about," He said looking away.

"Sure yah do." I grinned anyways, and stood off to the side as Leon bartered some goods for some more bandages and a few upgrades. I also had my gun upgraded and took the liberty of pawning off some of the loot I'd found on the merchant. Really, shiny stuff was hidden everywhere.

Lighting split the sky not far from us, and I was hankering to get out of the elements. Thankfully the bridge that we had to cross was one closer to the ground, it swayed under our feet but held.

About halfway a crossed Leon's radio beep with an incoming transmission, and he flipped it open.

"Leon, I have some bad news." Came Hunnigans unhappy voice.

"I'd rather not hear it." And I couldn t help but think I didn t want to either.

"Well, I'm afraid I have to tell you anyway. We've lost contact with the chopper. Somebody must have shot it down though, we can't determine who." Five bucks says it was Los Illuminados.

"Great..."

"We're prepping another chopper for you. Meanwhile, I want you to head towards the extraction point."

"Got it." I looked back and noticed something that seemed rather important to me.

"Ahhh Leon?"

"Yeah?" He said, closing his radio.

I pointed back a the other side the bridge, the glowing red eyes of Ganado's shown and Leon got a funny look on his face before Ashley opened her mouth and said.

"What are we gonna do, Leon?" He looked to the other side and finally I noticed the second round of Ganado's not far from a grungy looking cabin.

"I hate to say it, but we're sandwiched all right. Quick, in that cabin!"

We mad a mad dash for the it, Battle oblivious to the monsters behind us as we did so, he thought we were playing I think. Either way, we made it in the nick of time slamming the door behind us and bolting it. I noticed a familiar man on the far side of the room and grinned.

"Leon." He said before throwing a two by four his way over Ashley s head and Leon blocked the door with it.

"Small world, eh?" He grinned and looked at Ashley "Well, I see that the President's equipped his daughter with ballistics too."

"How rude!" She paused for a moment and took a moment to put her hands on her hips,"And I don't believe there's any relevance with my figure and my standing. Who are you?"

"Ho ho, excuse me, Your Highness. Perhaps the young lady might want to introduce herself first before asking someone his name?"

I outright laughed at this and Ashley sent me a glare.

"Her name's Ashley Graham, the President's daughter." She said, snot nosed teenager tone to her voice, and I had to close my eyes.

"Is she, you know?" Luis gave her a look before looking at I and Leon.

"Don't worry. She's cool." Leon said

"In a manner of speaking, although she does regress verbally every once in awhile."

"Ehh, never mind. There's supposed to be some obvious symptom before you turn into one of them anyway."

I move towards the window and looked outside, and a troubling sight reached my eyes. Ashley must have noticed our guests as well, because I heard her gasp.

"Look!"

A flock? Or was it a herd of Ganados? Either way, the cabin was surrounded.

"Ashley, upstairs! Trouble, make sure she hides and no one finds her."

"Oh come on! Why do I-"

"Don t argue, best to just do as he says little lady." Luis said raising an eyebrow, bringing a his gun out with a flourish, as Leon readied his shotgun. No holds barred? Perhaps I should just go upstairs. Luis gave me a swarthy grin, as I pulled out my hand gun "A woman shouldn t need to get her hands dirty, let us gentlemen take care of it for you."

I let the sexist remark pass, giving him a LOOK before gently herding Ashley upstairs. As far as hiding places went, the cabin was definitely lacking. Battle circled my legs like a hawk before running over to the far side checking out a couple of what looked like grain bags. A book shelf, a cabinet and two tables... Well, at least we don t have to get picky? Either way, I opened the cabinet doors cleared it out and shoved Ashley inside. A resounding smash told me that they were coming in the windows downstairs.

"Don t make a sound."

"But."

"SHHHHHH."

"Bu-"

"Shhhhh, silence is golden. Duct tape is silver, and I DO have some it my bag. So, just a little Shhh." And I slammed the doors shut as I paced over toward the stairway, leaning on the table that was against the railing. A small book caught my attention briefly and I felt my eyes widen in horror, my jaw dropping to my knees at least.

"Oh. My. God. Ganado porn." It was horrible, like a train wreck I wanted to look away, but COULDNT. But shattering glass wrenched my attention away, and noted a ladder where the window should be, and Battle started barking hysterically.

"Shit. LEON, THEY HAVE LADDERS!" I dodged over to the broken window, kicking the ladder out of place. I really shouldn t have been surprised, the bookshelf that stood off to the side was promising, and I used to to block that window at least, grabbing a sack of grain or gravel that had been sitting in the far corner I used a stray two by four to prop it in place.

I could hear the yelling and screaming from downstairs, Ganado mostly and I took heart in that as I grabbed the smaller of the two tables and smashed another window, maneuvering it I made it impossible for them to get it out of the way from the outside. Another crash behind me told me that I was out of time, and I whipped around to see another window broken.

Running, I shove at this one as well and was rewarded by a ganado scream, a crash from the final window made me scream in anger as I rushed over kicking the ladder down as well.

WHAT the FUCK was this? WHACK A MOLE?

A slam of wood against wood and the ladder in the other window returned, grumbling I pulled my gun from its holster and took off toward the ladder. I grabbed the slick wet wood, aimed down and shot at the ganado's at the base of it. Picking them off as the other ladder came slamming back.

That s it.

I have officially had it, with a defiant scream I dropped my gun braced my feet, and wrenched the ladder from the ground, pulling it in towards me using my weight to counter balance it. I pulled the majority of it into the cabin dropping it once it far enough in that I didn t have to worry about it falling out.

Grabbing my gun I spun catching a ganado in the throat as he tried to crawl in through the other window, I attempted to grab this ladder the same way, but the were onto my trick. So I pulled another one. Aiming I shot at the ladder, severing one side of the flimsy wood as the Ganados attempted to scale it again.

I was rewarded with a creaking groan as they reached the area I'd damaged, and the ladder broke sending ganados every which way. A yell from the stairs caught me mid victory dance, and I raced over to notice that the boy's hadn t fared as well as I had.

"BATTLE! SICK 'EM BOY!" I said as the white German Shepard went hurdling at a group of ganados at the bottom of the stairs. Leon came sprinting up, Luis not far behind.

He leaped over the ladder half in the window, Luis following suit.

"What happened up here?" Luis asked out of breath as Battle came galloping up the stairs again, wagging his tail.

"Tea. Guests got out of hand so I asked them to leave." I said grinning.

"Sure." Said Leon grinning as he reloaded his shotgun, "And we were just having a party."

"Oh really?"

"Did you send out those invitations? I told you no more then fifty people." Luis said, firing a few shots at a ganado unlucky enough to come waddling upstairs.

Another few came up all at the same time, and Leon used his shotgun as I ran over to the large table flipping it over the stairs railing and wedging it into place. It was too wide to use as a simple cover of the stairs so I used it like an inexperienced mover would, getting it stuck in between the stairs and wall.

The Ganado's grunted and groaned pushing at the table, as Leon and Luis shot at the through the openings between table and wall. I kept pressure on the table, making sure it was well wedged. After about ten minuets they just gave up, and the crowd of Ganados dispersed.

"Looks like their backing off." Leon said letting his hands drop.

"So what do we do now?" Luis said, and I remove the board blocking the closet doors letting Ashley out. She gave me a dirty look as I moved the table away from the stairs (Easier said then done).

"Dance the funky chicken?" I said grunting with the effort.

Luis laughed, and moved to help me together managing to get it out of the way. We walked down the stairs as a thoughtful look crossed Leon's face.

"The bridge we crossed to get here is out, so the only choice we have is to keep moving." Said Leon holstering his weapon and crossing his arms. Luis got a thoughtful look on his face, as he moved towards the door.

"I forgot something, you guys go on ahead." Luis opening the door and walking away.

"Luis?" Both I and Leon said at the same time, and we shared a puzzled look.

"Well, if he says he forgot something. It must be important." I said shrugging.

Leon only shrugged back, wincing with the motion.

"You okay?"

"Got clipped by one of those tentacle monsters." I notice a streak of red down his shirt, a shallow slice. "Here, I'll get the bandages." I said pulling some from my pack.

Leon moved to take his shirt off, not doubt giving me better access to the wound but a bought of childishness caught up to me.

"Woohoo Leon. Take. It. Off!"

Ashley actually giggled a bit at that one before remembering that we didn t actually get along. I sprayed Leon's cut, watching in fascination as the skin nit itself back together. Leon cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with my scrutiny.

I rolled my eyes at this swatting him on his oh so fine but now healed chest.

"We should get going." I said walking out the door, I spotted the Merchant and wandered over Leon and Ashley not far behind.

A small shack stood off to the side, lit by a lantern. I walked into it, noticing a box of ammo and an herb. I picked them up and spotted a note.

Two Routes

Just a while ago, I was informed by Lord Saddle that our men had shot down a United States military helicopter.

There shouldn't be any more outside interference for a while now.

Unless the United States government determines who the traitor is, they can only initiate very small covert operations.

We must use this time to our advantage and recapture the girls.

The three Americans can only get out of our territory by using one of the two routes.  
This is where we will stop them.

We shall make use of our forces to the greatest degree.

We will deploy a large number of Ganados in one of the routes to ensure that they do not slip by us. For the other route we shall leave the task to El Gigante. Whichever route they take, the agent will never leave here alive. Not with the girls at least.

"Thanks for the heads up boys." Really, you would think they would be more careful with information. Unless they wanted me to find it... And yet I couldn't find it in myself to believe they would be smart enough for that.

Either way, best if I show it to Leon. Who was currently dickering with the Merchant outside about the price of an upgrade.

"Hey, Leon. Take a look at this." I shoved the note at him before waving at the merchant and wandering over to the gates. He walked up not to long after, obviously he was having as much trouble with the note as I was.

"So, right or left?" I asked after a while.

"Well, we can deal with numbers."

"So, numbers over size? I dunno, something tells me we might regret it."

"Well they cant be worse then the big guy."

"Leon, NEVER say things like that."

"Why?"

Ashley toddle over as we spoke, looking between us before answering.

"Because that s the type of thing they say in some sort of horror movie before it gets worse."

Leon looked between I, and Ashley skeptically.

"Either way, Ganados are better then El Gigante." He flipped the switch, mechanism groaned and wood creaked as the gate opened. I had a feeling we were going to regret this.

* * *

All was quiet on the other side, a large orange red dumpster sat off to one side, and that was pretty much the only thing I could see from my current point of view.

Leon walked forward lightly, checking around the corner before looking back towards us. I could see the wheels in his head turning as he gave me a 'Wait' motion, turning the corner while I stood guard with Battle. Never mind that I didn t like Ashley, I wasn t going to leave her here defenseless. Nobody deserved to be left with these freaks, and I am using that term in a very bad way.

Not to be mistaken for the cool version I use for my friends.

A yell range out, a ganado sighting Leon no doubt, and the blast of a shotgun soon followed. More fighting, a stray ganado made it around the corner behind Leon, sighting us and deciding to go for easier prey.

He realized his mistake to late, as I pulled the trigger of my hand gun and sent him sprawling. Another followed, but was finished off by a shotgun blast from behind.

"Common, that was all of them." Leon said, waving us forward.

"Doesn t that seem odd to you?" I said, reloading my gun.

"What?"

"Well, that there are so few ganados."

"Now that you mention it, yeah." Leon frowned looking around.

"I think we should scout ahead."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"I can leave Battle here with Ashley."

"Yeah, Hey Ashley for good measure you should hide..." he looked around, eyes landing on the dumpster, "That looks like a good place."

"Why do I always have to hide?"

"Because your the presidents daughter, and as far as we know there main target. Now go, scat." I said waving her off.

We waited until the lid of the dumpster was securely shut before heading to the ladder of the platform, which extended for one wall to another closing around a circular area of bare earth. The platform s themselves were once more made of the same wood as seen previously, and warped wooden Ladders sat against a few of the walls, an eerie quiet settled around us and I couldn't help but think that it was the calm before the storm, as I and Leon looked around trying to snoop out the exit.

To no avail, we even looked at a mine shaft set in the side of the cliff but it was blocked by debris, and it wasn't long till we had to deal with another round of ganado. The had us back to back a few on each side when one lunged for me my gun dry with no chance to reload, I dodge away to the left using the ganado momentum to send him flying into the ganado closest to Leon.

But my victory was short lived as my foot slipped sideways off the platform, and I went plummeting down into the pit landing flat on my back, breath knocked out of me. A crazed yell rent the air, piercing my eardrums a deep rumbling sound that was all to familiar joined it and I watched in horror as a woman smashed through the wooden walls, her head wrapped in bandages wielding a bloodied chainsaw. Not far behind her stood another woman, also with a chainsaw head wrapped in bandages. One wore dark green, blood colored stone wrapped around her neck with a crude chain. The other wore a blue with a key wrapped strangling tight around her neck, oddly shaped and blood encrusted.

I tried to roll over as they raced towards me, to far from a ladder to even hope to get there in time.

"LEON!" I shrieked, fear evident in my voice.

"TROUBLE!" I heard him scream back, as I looked up leaping to catch his extended hand in the nick of time. I managed to grab it and pull myself up just as the chainsaw sisters rammed there chainsaws into where I had been not a seconds before.

They shrieked in protest at finding their game missing, and I took off towards the nearest ladder dragging it up onto the platform before the chainsaw wielding crazy s could get a chance at climbing up. The whir of chainsaw blades against the wooden sides of the arena area made me gulp.

I headed towards the next ladder, and was had it half way up when one of them managed to catch onto the other end. The other headed towards the next ladder, making a good attempt at it before Leon blew her off with his shotgun.

The game of tug o' war with the later came to a dramatic, and startling end when I let go of the ladder and the chainsaw wield bitch landed on her back. Leon kicked the other ladder down, and from then on it was like shooting fish in a barrel...

Who came up with that saying, really? Who puts fish IN A BARREL and the SHOOTS at them?

It boggles the mind.

Either way, we managed to beat the sisters and come out on top. Hur hur, do you see that? I made a funny. I am soooooo clever. And running out of material.

Unfortunately we had to climb back down into the pit to get to the door out, and the door out required a key that was hanging around the neck of one of our previous dance partners. Leon whistled, giving Ashley the all clear. And we wandered back to collect her and Battle before moving on.

I had to carry Battle up the ladder and back down the next before we actually managed to go through the damn door, finding a brick shack to our left and a trail up ahead Leon told is to wait as he went on ahead and I kicked the door to the shack open because I could. Ashley joined me and Battle sat off to the side as we waited. The sound of battle (Not that dog) erupted with the blast of a shotgun, accompanied by a blast of dynamite. Another explosion, and all was silent. I was worried again, I HATE worrying.

I was also quickly growing board.

"If I stabbed you, do you think anybody would notice?"

"I WOULD NOTICE!"

"Damn, your right. Hmmm, anyway I could stab you WITHOUT you noticing?"

"I don t appreciate the direction of this conversation."

Leon opened the door before I had a chance to talk back, giving me a leveled look.

"No stabbing anyone." He said, raising an eyebrow and waving a finger at me like a disappointed parent.

"Aww your no fun."

"Be that as it may, I would prefer you didn t cause my mission to be a failure."

"Oh, that reminds me. I forgot to feed my cat."

"How did that remind you of your CAT?" Asked Ashley.

"I DONT KNOW! My brain makes weird connections." I strolled out to the shack and towards the next gate, I really needed to get home.

* * *

Ending Notes: School is a killer, but fun. Doesnt hurt that they subjects I am taking are ten kinds of awsome. Either way, I am taking a full class load so if their is delays in posting not enitrely my fault.


	8. High Flying Cheese

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He's a secret agent, she's a college student. He was sent in to save the Presidents daughter, she can save herself. If she doesnt sabotage him in the process.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **Another Chapter post, because I feel it necissary. Comments always welcome, reviews always valued. I have officially hit the end of the chapters that were pre-written, so I might be awhile before I post again. I shall try to get another chapter done before Saturday.

**Disclaimer: **Does not own Resident evil. But does own Origenal charecters... And most of the series.

* * *

**Chapter 8:** High Flying Cheese

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

In my life there are three thing I really dislike.

One of them is heights.

The Second is sharp objects aimed in my general direction.

The third is reoccurring themes.

And as I found myself, Leon and Ashley standing in front of a Gondola I tried in vain to look for a way out this. To no avail.

Perhaps I should explain in greater detail.

Upon finding ourselves on the other side of the gate we were faced with a narrow walkway the ended at a yet another gate with a trail to either side. One trail led down to a dilapidated building, the other to a gondola station.

We initially tried the gate, but it was locked with strange retinal scanner. The building proved to be empty, save for a few supply s. But just a little further beyond that was surprise surprise, the Merchant.

God love that man.

We did our usual buying/selling ect, and we head back towards the other trail. We hadn t initially known it was a gondola station, we'd only guessed it to be another building. We were wrong.

I knew the look on my face screamed no, because Leon was doing a good job of trying to talk me into it.

"But Leon, what about Battle?" I said, as a last ditch effort "The thing doesn t have walls, he could fall off!"

"He wont fall if you hold onto him, please Trouble? I don t want to have to leave you here. What if this is the ONLY way to a new drop point?"

I had to concede that point to him, but I wasn t happy. That was two of my least favorite things, the third came when we were half way a crossed on the damn gondola.

I was clinging to the side of the gondola, looking anywhere else and holding onto Battle by a makeshift leather collar that had once upon a time been a belt, begging for it to end.

Of course, you should always be careful what you wish for.

Because I certainly got it, in a cock eyed sorta way.

In the form of a flying ax, and several ganado in a gondola headed the opposite direction.

Ashley screamed, but I was a little to distracted by the vertigo, and the sense of IMPENDING DOOM hanging over my head. Leon let out battle roar and raised his shotgun, knocking them off before the could do more damage. But I could see down the line of gondola's and his victory would be short lived, because the next two gondola s were occupied, and not by tourists.

Lets check my list again.

Heights, check.

Sharp things, check.

Reoccurring themes? Got that down pat, remind me to talk to my agent about this.

I tried not to be sick as the gondola jolted due to yet another attack by the ganados, thin rusty metal feeling far to insubstantial beneath my fingers to make me happy as I closed my eyes. Why couldn t this just be a nightmare? Why could I just wake up safe in bed?

Another blast from Leon's shot gun, and the gondola was shaking.

I heard the Ganados scream as they fell, and the rest of the ride down was much the same. Eventually they ran out of cannon fodder, and we made it to the ground. But man was I ever happy to see it.

There was a control house on the other side, and we searched around in it before moving to go down a flight of stairs. Two flights of stairs to be exact, with a tunnel boring into the rock at the junction between the two.

A tunnel filled with ganado.

Ashley waited at on the stairs as I, and Leon took care of the lot of em (I stopped counting after two) and Battle played guard. There wasn t much inside of the tunnel, a chest with some treasure but nothing else. Well, ignoring the strange blood stained daze of course. But I am trying to ignore and/or forget about it, because it leads me down a road of thinking I'd rather not be going down.

Either way, we ended up going all the way down the stairs and I for one didn t bother to be shocked when I noticed the Merchant and his standard blue torch on the pathway.

"You, my friend are keeping secrets."

"Ain t never harmed anyone."

"Not directly, but the next time I have to cross a canyon on a rickety cage of DEATH, I WILL take it personally." I made a threatening motion towards him, before walking off down the path.

A few minuets later I was joined by the others, skipping along our merry way... Or in Leon's case grumbling to a rather ominous looking barn in the middle of the woods. Leon looked displeased, and I was a bit apprehensive.

"Ashley, go hide." Leon said, nodding off to the side, "Trouble, stay here."

I for once didn t feel like arguing, instead ordering Battle to follow Ashley, the past few hours having worn me thin.

I turned quickly as I heard a noise, but not quick enough to stop myself from being knocked into the side of the barn. My world went black, and I came to what felt like hours latter Leon nudging me and speaking, but I couldnt make it out.

My ears rang and my head pounded.

"Hurmph," Was all I managed to get out, before Leon was there. He examined my eyes before helping me up in a 'Do you have a concussion' sort of way. Again.

"We'll I'm no doctor, but you look ok. You keep hitting your head though, and you might scramble whats left of your brains."

"What happened?" I said, rubbing the back of my aching head, and play pouting.

"Village Chief got the drop on you, decided he liked you better when you couldn t use your mouth."

"Ugh, would explain why my head feels like a fifty ton weight, what happened to The Big Cheese?"

"Eh, don t worry about it. Knocked him about a bit before roasting him over a fire."

"I am not sure I want to know what THAT entailed."

"Better if you don t."

Ashley emerged from where ever it was she wandered off to, grimace on her face.

"Can we go?" She said brushing her skirt off.

"I don t see why not, You ok Trouble?" Leon asked, surveying look in his eye.

"Yeah, yeah. I can take a lickin' and keep on kickin', lets just get the hell out of Dodge while we have the chance. I AINT looking forward to what these guys would do to us if they realize you Kentucky fried their boss." I said standing and brushing my butt off. Battle wiggled about before doing a happy puppy dance and catching me in the face with a puppy kiss. "Oh eugh oh, dog slobber. I love you pup, but I don t need kisses."

Back up the stairs, and a crossed the swaying death trap, to the big ass gate that opened when Leon flashed the key he had apparently gotten from The Big Cheese. Which was apparently an in the form of an eyeball.

"That is soooooo cool," I said, poking at it. "Can I have? Please, please, please, PLEASE!"

"Ok, fine." He handed it to me as I danced around giddily false eye in hand.

And on threw the gate we went.

* * *

The gate shuddered shut behind us, creaking loudly. To either side stone walls stop us from moving to either direction, but in front of us ran a long path worn out of the same stone as the walls. The same gray granite like stone that made up just about everything here, buildings, walls and wells alike.

It seemed fairly strait forward, but the distant call of a Ganado had me growling under my breath and cursing their mothers. A sound, much like the mooing of a sick cow came from further up, and my eyes widened as I finally noticed the bright lights of a truck headed towards us.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Was the only thing to escape my mouth as I shoved Battle, and Ashley behind me."You CANNOT be serious! Leon, DO something."

"I'M WORKING ON IT!" He swung his rifle down, aiming for a moment before letting off a shot, and then another. One hit the driver in the head, the other flattens the right front tire causing the truck to turn and flip onto its side, and Ashley squawked like a chicken as a flaming tire rolled past us.  
"What is WRONG with these people?" Ashley said, shaking.

"Many, many things." Was all that I could say.

"Aren t the suppose to be taking us ALIVE?" She shrieked at me.

"It boggles the mind doesn t it Ashley? And the smaller the mind, the bigger the boggle." I said shrugging before trotting up to the truck and fishing out a bag of pestas, quiet the nice haul if I do say so myself.

And we headed up the hill. Only to stop in astonishment at the top as an ancient and majestic castle came into view, towering in the night sky.

A low whistle caught my attention as Leon came to a stop beside me, hands on hips impressed look on his face.

"Don t see that everyday."

"For real. The hell is something like that doing in a place like this?" I said in reply as Ashley Came to stop beside him.

"What do you expect it be doing here? Its a castle, its probably been there for years."

I had to stop and stare at this, before I caught movement out of the corner of my eyes and sent me leaping forward dragging Ashley behind.

"We still have company!" I said in a sing song voice as I sprinted towards the castle, along a stone lined path and over a creaking wooden bridge that made my brain protest that I wasn t 'THAT' fat Leon and Battle at our heels. I released Ashley and grabbed onto a leaver on one side, as Leon grasped one on the other side.

The ancient cogs were worn, but serviceable and with a might heave, I and Leon manged to muscle it into working.

With an almost super human amount of effort, and a near hernia on both parts we raised the draw bridge. Battle barked excitedly as I high fived Leon, and I looked up in time to see a ganado come plunging down, smacking his head on the stone floor before bursting into... Whatever they burst into before disintegrating.

"Well, didn t expect that."

"Nope, not in the game plan." Leon said, scratching the back of his head. Ashley huffed behind us, neither in nor out of the conversation and I turned to notice a familiar blue flamed torch that marked the Merchants location.

Leon went to wheedle, and deal upgrading both his, and my weapons exchanging my poor worn out handgun for a Black-tail. I couldn t help the giggle that escaped when I noticed we now had matching handguns, but Leon's expression told me he didn t wanna hear about it, so I went back to exploring.

The courtyard we'd run into held very little aside from the shack that the Merchant was housed in, and the staircase that lead up to another door. But I did get lucky when I snooped behind the shack, finding a chest full of pestas.

I was also unlucky in finding a snake hidden in one of the many barrels also located just behind the shack, and I spent a good ten minuets trying to get my shoulders back OUT of a barrel that I'd managed to get stuck in, to no avail.

I toddled over to the steps blindly, wishing for the life of me that my curiosity hadn t been in league with my stupidity on this certain occasion.

Seriously.

Stuck in a barrel. Well, my UPPER half was stuck in a barrel anyways. Damn boobs, why did they have to be so... So... So... Booby!

Seriously, I haven t seen my feet since I was twelve because of these things.

"Have you ever had the urge to use your bra as a double barreled sling shot?" I said, before realizing that Ashley wouldn t be able to see me that well. Because I was stuck.

In a barrel.

"Trouble." Came Leon's voice, from beyond the barrel wall.

"Yes?" I squeaked.

"Please tell me that your just trying out a new look."

"Oh yes, barrel and panty s. Only the LATEST from Paris."

"Your stuck... How in the hel- No, just no. I don t WANT to know. Just... I'll grab the top, and pull. Stay still." He said, frustration evident in his voice.

It took us a good ten minuets to pop the damn thing off, and Ashley had a annoyingly familiar look of superiority on her face. Che, bet she couldn't do half the shit I can, let alone get away with it...

What?

We jogged up the stairs in silence, and as Leon opened the door I couldn t help but feel as though we were walking into a trap.

A faint voice caught my attention as we came to a corner, and I motioned at Leon to wait. Creeping forward I peeked around the edge of the corner, before scuttling up behind a well placed crate. Two men paced back and forth on a balcony, chanting something in Spanish before turning around and walking back. The walked in circles as if lost... Or waiting, and I had a hunch. I scuttled back slowly, before poking Leon in the side.

"I need to borrow your rifle." I said in a whisper, motioning.

"Why?"

"Need a closer look at something."

"Do you even know how to use it?"

"I wouldn t ask to borrow it if I didn t! Have a LITTLE faith Leon, I am not completely hopeless." It worked, and he handed me the rifle with a few brief pointers. It was a high performance weapon after all.

I crept back towards the crate, using the view scope to get a closer look at the pacing duo.

Crap.

Crap, crap, crapity. Ganado's.

A slight noise behind me made me jump, and I spun hand going for my pistol before letting it drop back down.

"Damn it Leon! I could have shot you."

"Sitrep?"

"Ganado's," I pointed the scope at them again, letting Leon look through.

"Damn it."

"That's what she said."

A glare from Leon made me pout, and I was given possession of the rifle again.

"I don t like this," he said, looking intently at the figures in the distance.

"Neither do I," I said before noticing something. But that doesn t mean I cant handle it.

My only reply was a look, as he ushered Ashley quietly over to the crate we we hiding behind. Battle sat there wagging his tail, with his head cocked to the side like he didn t understand this game, but he wanted to play.

I couldn t help the urge to scratch his chin with a coo, animals are cute and I am a sap. Before turning back to the task at hand, leveling the rifle I aimed and waited.

* * *

Ending Notes: Shortest chapter yet, my apologys. As a side note, listening to Silent Hill music whilst writting Resident Evil fic? Epic+Win.

Last Edit: 11/11/10


	9. Cultists On The Edge

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He's a secret agent, and she's gone off the deep end, then there's the presidents daughter, some strange 'Police man' by the name of Luis and the chick in red. Life could hardly get more complicated. OH! Did I mention the crazy guys in bath robe's?

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **So yeah, sorry about the long wait but as previously stated all my other chapters were pre-written, and this one is was quiet literally JUST written. Having said that, I will also mention that my beat reader is MIA and not likely to turn up any time soon. So I am sorta in the market for another one, PM me if your interested.

**Disclaimer: **I own A Umbrella, doesnt that make me evil or rich. Only crazy, because I never use it... Regradless of the excessive amount of rain that falls in my general area of residence. But it would be nice wouldnt it?

* * *

**Chapter 9: **Cultist on the Edge

**By:** _Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie_

* * *

A ping sounded as the rifle bucked simultaneously, punching me hard in the shoulder, but not enough to bruise and I could barely fight the urge to celebrate as the two Ganados became none. It was a good thing that I'd decided to take those hunting lessons, as brief as they were. No I can't shoot Bambi, trust me I've tried.

There little circles had been very rhythmic, almost hypnotically so. But it also meant that at certain points, the two of them intersected.

"Nice shot." Leon said as I rubbed my shoulder, just because the gun didn t kick HARD didn t mean that it failed to hurt.

"I think I am gonna get a bruise... On my bruise." I didn t want to think of just how badly bruised I was,it seemed like just about everywhere from the activity's of the day. Days... Damn, what day was it? I couldn't tell you honestly, I lost track of it like I lost track of my pants.

God, Mikki must be going spare.

Hell, I'll bet you she called her mother.

Oh double disco realms of hell. Gena was the last person I wanted to worry.

Mikaela's mother. She'd practically raised me, and here I was gallivanting off god knows where, while their worlds away and worrying. Nothing quiet like a kick in the teeth from guilt to knock you back down to your proper peg.

"You ok?" Leon said, looping the rifle around his shoulder.

"Course I am," I said grinning, "Why wouldn t I be?"

"I could be that horrible scowl on your face." Ashley said, somewhat- Aw fuck, she said it like a bitch ok?

I started forward, shrugging off my feelings and moving onward. They would come back to bite me later, but until then I would just have to deal. Time to break down later, focus on surviving now.

I started forward, Leon catching up before motioning for me to fall and as Ashley moved into the space between us. The area that the chanting idiots had been pacing around in sat at least a level above where we were, white stone wall in the classic archers niche style.

A staircase to our right lead up and around, to where I couldn't see but it seemed to be a bit higher then where the two had been.

It wasn t until we were at the top of the stairs that we noticed we had a problem...

"MATALOOOOoooooooooooo!" Echoed through the air and our problem in the form of a giant boulder hurtling towards us caused Leon to curse, shoving Ashley against the wall as it struck a near by stone gazebo little stone fragments flying every which way.

Did I mention it was flaming?

No? Well now would be a good time to say it was on fire, but at the moment so was I. Or rather, my shirt was anyways. I flailed about before doing as I was taught to as a child, stop, drop and roll...

Turns out when your on the stairs, it isn t your best move. I am sure somewhere along the way I did achieve my initial goal of putting the flames out, because when I finally stopped rolling spread eagle, upside down head level on the ground I didn t appear to be on fire.

But I was also in a lot of pain, and just wishing for a moment I could get OFF this ride.

A scream from the top of the stairs caught my attention, and I looked back at the area that we'd come through with one question in mind.

How the FUCK had they gotten BEHIND US?

I wiggled and awkwardly rolled off the stairs, struggling to get to my feet. Reaching my goal, and being nabbed in the process. I fought, kicking the ganado but getting nowhere. I'd lost my gun on my trip down the stairs, and I couldn t break his grip. An unearthly howl split the air, and Battle leaped into action taking a second ganado that tried to grab me.

I brought my elbow down, knocking the metal head just below the weird make thing he was wearing. I was dropped like a hot potato, and my butt didnt appreciate it, but I did and promptly celebrated it by dashing off back up the stairs.

I whistled for Battle, skidding to a momentary top to grab my gun, and pelt back up the stairs panting hard as my lungs fought to bring air in. My heart was pounding in my ears, leg muscles screaming as I hit the top noting the disarming lack of government agent and Presidential daughter I dashed past the rubble of the gazebo, a niche catching my attention. I dodged another flaming bolder with a definite air of 'Ho SHIT!' And made my gasping way to what proved to be a small staircase down. Ganado screams followed me closely and I sped into a doorway Battle hot on my heels.

Another bolder impacted the wall near my head, and shattered chunks of stone knocking me back, gunshots echoing as I hit the ground.

My head spun, and I was kind of wondering if I should buy a summer home in the land of the terminally confused, since I seemed to know it the state so well. I moved my hands down, pushing against the smooth white stone staggering to my feet catching sight of... Two Leon's and Ashley's.

Ok, now I was concerned. I threw my arms up dramatically and ran.

"What are you doing?" Came a voice from one of the Leon's.

"FLEEING!" I screamed.

"In a circle?"

"Confusion tactic. I don't want them to know how many of me there are!"

"You hit your head harder the I thought," A hand grabbed me, and I was kicking and flailing before I realized it was Leon. Then promptly started giggling. "You my friend, have been knocked silly."

The sound of approaching Ganado caught our attention, and Leon let me go as I slumped in an undignified manner on the floor while he leveled his gun at the door glancing at me. His eyes were seriously worried, and I was seriously loopy. I closed my eyes, willing the strange spinning sensation to go away as I heard scuffling and gunshots. I was worse then useless at the moment.

Good lord was today not my day...

Rolling, I pushed against the cold stone forcing myself to swallow the nausea that was forefront in my mind, instead focusing on getting my feet underneath me as I opened my eyes forcing them to focus on one thing.

"Leon?" Came out in a half croak, answered only by a bought of whimpering. A quick search of my immediate area revealed it to be Ashley, huddled behind a rather ominous looking cannon. Battle waggling his tail timidly, trotting over to the door that was midway between I am Ashley.

I bumbled slowly to my feet, locating my gun (Intact but worlds away, back down on the ground) and my purple bag (Still on my back, but slung all funky like and twisted in on itself.) I couldn t help but wish I was just having a really bad dream.

Bending slowly, I grasped the guns cold handle slipping it back into its holster, and tottering over to Ashley with a grimace. The gun was lighter then I liked, a bit front heavy meaning I'd used quiet a bit of the clip.

A shuffling and chanting caught my attention, followed closely by a growl from Battle. A lone Ganado shuffled in through the door, cackling in a deep voice as he moved toward us raising his arms like a monster from some silent movie. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, I don t think I can shoot strait enough to hit him.

So, I did what any frightened animal would.

I spread my arms, bared my teeth, screaming like a madwoman whilst jumping up and down.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Ashley yelled over my howls.

"PUTTING ON A THREAT DISPLAY! YOU THINK ITS WORKING?"

"MOST DEFFINETLY NOT!" she screamed back, as the ganado stalled for a moment before doing what must have been some sort of mental shrug before taking a lung at her.

I in turn lunged at him, kicking and biting anything that my short legs and dull teeth could get at. The loud report of a gun ended our little session of nom on the ganado, and I was very much relieved for it.

"Who was getting murdered?" Leon asked staring at us.

"Me, and no I wasn't really getting murdered. Hence the living and breathing."

"Then what the hell was with that screaming?"

"I was putting on a threat display?"

"You were what?" A look crossed his face that I was all to familiar with.

"Doing what most Primates do when in danger and uncertain of the threat level. Giving a threat display. Baboons do it all that time."

"Are you a baboon?" Leon ask face plamming.

"No."

"Do baboons know how to use guns?"

"No, but I can aim just about as well as a baboon at the moment. So I tried a different tactic, so sue me if it didn't work." He couldnt argue with that right? My logic was the greatest. With a capitol G... Please ignore the sarcasm.

"I cant argue with your logic."

"Your right, you cant. It has to be there before you can argue with it." A slight grin slid onto his face, an incredulous sort of grin that was more 'I cant believe this' then anything else and I felt the thrill of triumph, "You smiled, I'm off the hook!"

A massive sweat drop from Ashley, and Leon I was sufficiently recovered enough from my brief bout of dizziness to continue. Leon of course leading the way. The problem with this area wasn't the mass of Ganados, or the flying smoldering boulders (Say that ten times fast) it was the sheer amount of them lumped upon each other. Well, at least the Ganado's are sufficiently stupid, and the boulders sufficiently slow. Ganado's? Ganadodo's more like... Why do people compare idiots to an extinct species anyways? There isn't any proof that the birds were stupid in any way, they just never developed wings- you know what? I am thinking way to far into things. I need to focus on the task at hand.

The task at hand. Where did that phras- Damnit, there I go again. Usually I'm not nearly this bad. I think Leon is right, I think that I hit my head a lot harder then I thought. I was also nursing a caffeine headache strong enough to floor El-Gigante.

Ugh, I hate my life.

Well, this last portion of it anyways.

I whacked myself in the face, shaking my head to clear it.

"You sure your ok?" Leon asked.

Yeah, just kinda loopy. And if I didnt have a concussion, I was Ronald Reagan... And I most definitely not Ronald Reagan, unless he had delusions of being a 22 year old college student stuck in the middle of god knows where.

Yeah, not Ronald Reagan.

I moved to stand by Leon as we waited, ready to sprint to the shelter of an overhang that Leon said wasn't far away. Leon signaled, then moved out the door quickly I, Ashley and Battle hot on his heels. We ducked underneath the overhang that was indeed close, just at the top of the stairs to be exact and we duck underneath with much problem before continuing onwards towards a set of stairs.

Up the stairs and along the walkway that made up the overhand we'd hidden under just moments before. We dodged and weaved towards a small stone hut that would provide some sort of shelter while we developed a better plan.

Leon dodged inside dragging Ashley after him, as I dodged another boulder before leaping in through the window instead.

"Creative." Leon said, dropping down and pulling out his shotgun. A group of Ganado were headed our direction, a crossed a rampart that seemed to overlook the door we had initially had come through.

"I try."

A few blast later and the Ganados were down, Leon fumbling for another round in his attache case. I aimed and shot, missing by a mile, before correcting my aim and attempting my shot again. A shotgun blast echoed after that, taking the ganado in the face.

My mind was still a bit woozy and for a moment there was silence, broken only by the heavy panting that accompanied long runs. Battle whined, and I Ashley ruffled his fur which honestly surprised me. I didn t think she was a dog person.

It seems quiet, Ashley said, and then another boulder struck the stone ground not far from our little summer cottage.

"DONT, say things like that!" I said eye twitching as Leon gave me a reproachful look. "What? Why do you people insist on DOOMING us ALL because you have a need to point out whither or not a situation fits your parameters of acceptable screwed!"

"Touche'." Ashley said as another boulder hit even closer.

Lovely, our shelter wouldn t stand up to much punishment if their aim improved, as it seemed to be doing. Shit, shoot, shitake. Oh yeah, we were most definitely boned. Well that is to say unless someone pulled something out of their ass...

Oh yeah, time to do something stupid.

I holstered my gun, giving Battle a very firm 'stay' before moving towards the door. Whoever his previous owner was, was good at teaching commands. I would have to hunt them down and thank them, and/or possibly return him. A lost puppy is a sad puppy, and people don't tend to like it any better.

"What are you think this time Trouble?" He said, eyebrow raising.

"What makes you think I'm planning anything?" I said, innocently.

"You mean aside from that look on your face that says 'I'm going to do something stupid'?"

"Touche'." I returned looking at him before sighing, I moved my hands to my hips and took 'the stance'. The stance that was automatically ingrained into just about ever female I knew, the standard hands on hips defiance that ever woman used at the very least once in her life. "You shoot. I'll run."

"What?" Came from Ashley this time, and I rolled my eyes.

"No." Leon said all but glowering.

"You keep making those funny faces, you'll be stuck like that." I said, throwing in a disarming grin. "Come on Leon, we have to do something. Our little love shack aint gonna hold forever, someone has to be bait and I volunteer."

"No. I agree with you on the plan, but your not doing it. Your still to woozy from the last time you got your ass handed to you by a boulder."

"I can do it." I said shrugging.

"No, you cant. I can, and I will."

"Then who's gonna shoot?"

"You."

"Wait, you wont trust me to run around but you trust me to use a high powered rifle?"

"Not that I can believe I am saying this, but yes." He moved to take off his attache case.

"Ok, I guess." I said, not OK with it at all. An innocent smile crossed my face, and I knew that if Leon had known me AT ALL as a child, or hell even as just a friend he would know that said expression was one of my tells. But he was, and he for all the familiarity we shared barely knew me at all. Which was a little saddening really, but whats a girl to do?

Another moment passed as he fumbled before getting it off completely.

"OK I'll run towards that," He paused for a moment as he grasped for a word, "Gazebo? At the end of that bridge there."

The bridge of course that he was speaking of, was made of the same stone as everything else and stretched a crossed the expanse above the area we'd just been in, leading to a rounded area that had a sort of guards post like shelter made of stone at the end.

The bridge itself started maybe fifteen feet from the window of our little stone paradise, the objective on the other side dark and foreboding. It was then I just decided to make my move.

"Hey Leon?" I said, sweet smile back in place.

"What?"

"Your gonna need a more expensive therapist." I said kicking him in the shin before jumping out the window and away. He grabbed for me to too late as I ran, and for the briefest moment I had the impression that I was going to get shot in the ass, motivating me to move MUCH faster as a boulder came hurtling my direction.

I was up halfway a crossed the bridge when a shout caught my attention, and suddenly ganado were hurtling out of the darkness beyond what looked like a giant hole in the floor. The ganado closed in on me from either side of the giant hole, and as I attempted to stop I realized something too late.

The stone was wet.

From the rain.

And I wasn't stopping.

My feet went out from under me as I felt my body hit the cold hard stone before skidding over the edge.

* * *

_**Ending Notes:**_ Cliffy. But dont worry, it wont last for long. I wont leave you guys hanging *Grins*. Also, I would be a great deal happier if this site would STOP getting rid of my quotation marks. I shall have to go through the last chapter and fix where it did that on it as well. One word for the next story arch, depeneding on how this story goes.

**_Degeneration._**

Yeah, just a nugget of an idea.


	10. Bare Threads

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **Monsters, Secret Agents, and Damsels in distress oh my! Trouble really has her work cut out for her.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **So chapter 10 and rolling, and already twice as long as either of my other storys. I initially intended to post this last sunday, but got sidetracked XP go figure. Also, for those who know who Flying Spagettie Monster is I have this to say: Ramen.

**Disclaimer: **Still not rich, but I do have a detailed plan for taking over the world by breeding my plot bunnys, with the dust monsters under my bed. Will let you know if it pans out.

* * *

**Chapter 10: **Bare Threads

**By:** _Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie_

* * *

I felt for the briefest moment that my heart ceased to beat as my worst fear reared its head in full. My body locked up, and my mind ceased to function as I waited for the ground to come rushing towards me. A moment passed, and then another.

My mind seemed to be stuck in neutral as I hung there in limbo waiting for time or fate or whatever it was holding me up here to stop gloating and finally let go.

Instead I was rewarded with a severally tired arm and wrenched fingers as I realized that I wasn t so much suspended as I was clinging to the edge with the grip of a crazed woman. Shouting and shoving above me caught my attention as I hung there and I realized that the idiot twins above me were shoving each other to try and get to me.

You cannot be fucking serious!

Seconds seemed to pass like hours as I tried to move, cursing as I realized that the extreme stress of the situation was forcing my mind to disassociate itself from what was going on around me. Great thing when you're in distress emotionally, not so much when clinging to the edge of something like it's your last hope.

Which it is.

"Mrrrrrreeeeeeefffffh." Was quiet literally the only sound to come out of my mouth as I attempt to both scream and muffle myself at the same time. I felt myself twist a bit, and then my arm muscles seemed to align in some natural way the made it easier for me to grip the edge with more then just ONE HAND!

I grabbed at the stone, feeling my fingers slip off the small edge, swinging about wildly before trying once more. This time my fingers caught, and I tried to figure out how I was going to get my ass out of the frying pan as I looked up.

I was easily two feet beneath the actual platform area, just out of reach of the cultists but also far enough away from the top that I was uncertain as to how I was going to get back up.

An angered yell caught my attention, and the sound of something exploding in the distance made the cultists above me pause. It was closely followed by the sound of another explosion, and then another. The edge I was clinging to seemed to be some sort of gripping area, like something inserted itself into the edge to keep it in place.

I needed to stop wimping out here, and focus. How the hell was I gonna get out of this hole in one piece? I could brace my feet, but only just. It would take a lot of effort, that was for damn sure. I looked for another area that my hands could get a grip on, but came up with jack shit.

Maybe, if I could brace my legs just right I could move my elbows up and brace them against the thin lip. It wouldn t have to be much, just enough to give me the room to reach the edge of the platform.

Oh god please let this work...

Superman...

Flying spaghetti monster?

I moved achingly slow, up up come on you've got fuck all for upper body strength but that yoga class had to be good for something. Come on, come ON! My first elbow moved on top of the slick edge, slipping a bit but otherwise stable. Raising myself further, I managed to get my other elbow on top of the lip before I realized my crucial error in judgment.

I felt something move my hair a bit before a hand GRABBED and PULLED. Another hand grabbed my shirt, dragging me upward as I realized that the ganado were still there and very much intent on doing their job.

I kicked low, not caring for the moment that they almost dropped me back down into the hole I had tried very hard NOT to fall into. Before I twisted and turned away from the edge, breaking free for a brief moment I scrambled on my hands and knee's towards the safety of the gazebo.

Shrieks from the zealous ganado's caught my attention and I flipped around, crab walking backward and lashing out as one of the idiots came around the edge of the door. I caught him in the shins, sending him to his knees before shoving myself to my feet.

I clocked the second guy as the first got back to his feet, who I shoved.

Hard.

He did not get lucky enough to catch the edge as he went plummeting to his doom. His friend was even less lucky, as I booted him in the face down onto his back and over the edge.

"FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, GOOD NIGHT!" Was all I had to say as I collapsed back, against the cold stone.

Oddly enough, it was the silence that got my attention.

And then a shout, followed by another. Familiar voices, not the ganado ones that I usually heard.

"TROUBLE! DAMNIT, TROUBLE!" said an all too familiar male voice, followed soon by a more feminine one. There were still a small distance away, and making a lot of noise. I crawled over to the side of my small shelter, and looked out just in time to see Leon slid to a stop at the top of the hole shouting. Ashley was just behind him, hiding her face in her hands.

I rolled my eyes and braced myself the wall next to me.

"Who died?" I asked, staring at them from my perch against the stone doorway.

Surprised expressions were shot between Leon and Ashley, before I found myself bear hugged by both the man who I swear had been on the other side of the hole not five seconds ago and the blond spaz...I think I've passed the realm of brain dead and am traipsing lightly in the vale of clinically insane.

Leon Kennedy and Ashley were hugging me. An excited bark and the feeling of pawing on my thigh let me know that Battle was there as well and I grinned as I caught sight of his wiggling tail.

And for some reason all I could do was keep myself from molesting Leon... Just a little. WHAT? He's pretty hot and you KNOW it. Must. Not. Grope. Would. Ruin. Moment.

"THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!" Leon said as he moved away, shaking me a bit like a rag doll.

"Ahhhhhh, I don t know anymore." I said, at the moment I was completely out of umph. Yeah, near death experiences can do that to yah.

"Why don t you EVER listen to me?"

"It's a part of my contrary nature, you tell me not to do something and I DO it just to prove I CAN." I said, neither defiant nor emotional. Merely stating a fact, nothing more, nothing less. It was one of the gaping flaws in otherwise normal personality.

"Do NOT do that again!"

I just glared back at him, too tired to do anything further. I would do it again, or something equally as stupid as it if I felt like it. No amount of scolding from him could change that, even though I knew he meant the best. And now I'm feeling guilty. Fuck. I ran my fingers through my hair as Leon turned away, powerful scowl on his own face.

"If it makes you feel any better," I said as he seemed to perk up a bit, "I don t think I have it in me at the moment to do something stupider?"

He rolled his eyes at this before motioning toward the oversized door we'd run past on the way to the stone shack.

"I don't suppose that your astounding brilliance could possibly have any idea as to how we are going to get through those?"

"Actually, I do." I said, grinning smugly.

"Oh? Please enlighten me."

"Look down." I said as he gave me a look of confusion. "Just do it."

And he did.

And then he noticed something that I'd noticed offhandedly when trying desperately not to die.

The big ass cannon.

The big ass battle ready (Even though it shouldn t have been because it was as old as the castle) cannon. That for some reason was pointing towards the castle, but hey who's counting anyways?

"That's a good plan, but how are we going to get it up here?" He asked.

"Easy," I pointed over to a crank that was sitting not ten feet from us.

"How do you know it works the cannon?"

"It doesn't." I deadpanned.

"Then wh-"

"It does not WORK the cannon, it raises it." I said, cheshire grin flitting across my face.

"I... Do I? Never mind. Let's go with your idea." He turned towards the thing before trying to moved it, it took a good few tugs since the thing had obviously never been used before, but we managed to raise it.

Why WAS it pointed towards the castle I had to wonder? It clearly wasn t doing any good that way.

"So, do we know if this thing still works?" Ashley asked skeptically.

"Not a clue." I said back scratching the back of my head, "The movies never actually cover this part. The damn thing is always already set up for them."

"I think..." Leon looked around before tugging on a small rope. The cannon surged and Leon jumped back as it hurtled some sort of explosive round at the gate, shattering the wood like a baseball through a glass window.

"And you're always telling ME not to touch things if I don t know what they do!" I said, waving a finger at him.

"Quiet you, no comments from the peanut gallery."

"Says the head nutter of this particular group." his glare told me that my lovely little addition was neither funny nor clever, well, in his eyes anyways. No one said Mister Super Secret Agent Man had any right to stem the flow of horrible puns that come to me naturally.

Ashley rolled here eyes at this point, not bothering to glare as we made our way to the jagged hole in what was left in the wooden doors, hopping over chunks of wood and debris that littered the ground.

"So, how many catapults DID they have?" I asked curiously.

"Three." Leon said.

"Oooooook next question," I paused as I caught sight of the merchant standing near the door that seemed to be our immediate path, "Why did they HAVE catapults if they had a cannon? Don t you think they would just invest in those...? Or maybe get an upgrade or two and use more modern equipment?"

"Because they don't have the merchant?" Leon said shrugging.

* * *

A brief haggling session ensued, and we were on our way as I cooed over my new handgun. What? It became my newest best friend since we ended up in this shit. A gentle push to the copperish or rusted metal door in front of us revealed a small room, a heavy wooden table sitting in the middle of it. Off to the left hand side sat a stairway, in front of us on the far wall sat something that looked to pretty for words: a silverish sword set a gold plate wall setting. I didn t stop to think for a moment as I ran to it yanking it from the wall with a relish that made Leon twitch.

"What? You gonna look a gift horse in the mouth?" I said, swinging it around a bit and getting the tip stuck in a smallish cupboard not far away.

"Didn't you say you were too tired to cause anymore trouble?" He said, looking at it skeptically.

"You doubt me now, but I'll have you know that I have indulged in many a mock sword fight at the local renaissance fair." I said, tucking it into my belt. A moment passed in which Leon and Ashley tried and failed to find a way to counter my 'flawless' logic, before Leon's radio beeped. He flipped it open and Hunnigan's voice echoed through.

"Leon. Where's your current location?"

"We decided to lay low in a castle, but it looks like it was a bad move."

"Meaning?" Hunnigan said, sounding some what annoyed.

"Well it appears that this castle's also connected to the Los Illuminados." He said shrugging, "They must not get visitors here cuz they're giving me one hell of a welcome."

"Sounds bad. She said, I have an idea Leon. I need you to-" The radio began to crackle and buzz, losing the signal.

"What? Repeat Hunnigan." He slapped it closed with a grimace, "Great. Just my luck."

"That's odd." I said scowling.

"What?"

"There wasn't any preliminary fuzz on your radio-thingy."

"So?"

"So thatss usually what happens when there is interference."

"You saying you think this was an intentional thing?"

"More likely then not." I said before Leon tensed, his hands moving to his shotgun.

My own found my handgun and I nodded to Leon to show him I heard what he had as well. Movement. And not the friendly sounding kind either...

He crept slowly up the stairs, as I moved Ashley behind me. I pointed while snapping my fingers and Battle leaped forward up the stairs, rushing the creeps at the top.

The random noises of movement broke into random noises of violence as Leon hit the top of the stairs, and I backed Ashley and myself into a corner so I could keep an eye out for trouble. Ganado screams ceased after a bit as I heard Leon rustling around upstairs, before the door near us slammed open, a red cloaked ganado leaping for us. I fired, actually hitting him in the head for once, and knocking him back into two black cloaked ganados that ran through the door after him.

I drew the sword, screaming something just short of a battle cry as I leaped at them, catching the red cloaked guy across the neck while barely nicking the black cloaked one on the right. He carried a crossbow, and I took the opportunity to flip the heavy table towards him knocking him to the ground while rounding on the second. I could hear Leon shouting something, before the squelching of splattered brain bits hit me, the shriek of something inhuman had me skittering back, sword up but shaking.

Oh. Hell. No.

A creature flailed out of the area that had been the red cloak's head, and I felt sick as I looked at it. The tentacle guys had NOTHING on this; they at least all seemed to 'fit' in a sort of macabre comical way, these guys though... I just. There were no words for how wrong this was. It was like some sort of centipede, stuck on a human body trying to burst free.

A sort of horrified realization filled me as I thought about the creature (Oh god get it out, get it out NOW! I have to... I HAVE TO GET IT OUT NOW!) that they'd injected me with. Was this what I had to look forward to?

Was I really going to die this way? As some parasites host, waiting for it to burst out and what? Lay its own eggs? Infect someone else like I'd be 'infected'? No. I would end my own life before I gave them the satisfaction; I would die and take as many of these FUCKERS AS I COULD WITH ME!

I leaped at the thing, dull sword slicing through the small wiggly legs that flailed towards me, and halfway through the body before getting stuck. I pulled hard, yanking the sword from the screaming hissing thing in front of me before swinging again with a crazed scream, slicing clean through.

One of the ganado came at me with a mace, and I kicked him in the nuts before slashing at the other idiot. A shotgun blast caught him full force as he stumble within range of the staircase, and Leon came barreling downstairs taking care of the other what was left of the mace wielder. And I stood there breathing hard.

I stood there staring at what I'd done, staring at the melting remains of the creature that I'd killed not just out of self defense, but out of malice and I felt a total disassociation.

I could physically FEEL my mind distancing myself from this.

"Trouble?" I felt my breath hitch as Leon's voice cut through my oddly numb thought process, and I turned around slowly leaning on the sword like some sort of crutch.

"Yeah?" I said, still breathing hard.

"You ok?" I looked at him this time, focusing on him as a person rather then just a part of the background like I had been. And I felt sick. I'd just hacked this thing apart, and I'd LIKED it. No, not just liked it, I LOVED it and that is what scared me.

I dropped the sword like it burnt me, shaking my head while trying to clear it and suddenly I realized something. I'd been injected first. I now realized that I quite definitely had a shelf life, and I was walking around on borrowed time. These two at least would have more time then I would, have more time to do whatever it was we were trying to accomplish.

What were we trying to do really? I mean, it's not like we had a chance once the parasites took hold. We were officially up shit creek without a paddle.

And then a stark pain across my face jolted me back into reality, mirrored by the sound of flesh hitting flesh in return.

"Ow. What was that for?" Leon said, rubbing his face.

"Smacking me, you idiot."

"I had to get you outta la la land somehow."

"Yeah, well, now you know not to HIT me when I'm not paying attention." I rubbed my tingling cheek in turn.

"I can't believe I just watched you, and Leon have a bitch fight." Ashley said somewhat amazed, as we both stared at her.

"Not my fault, he hit me. It's an automatic response I'll have you know." I said.

"How in the hell did THAT become an automatic response?" Leon asked.

"My friends, well my female friends that is, got tired of not knowing when I wasn t paying attention, so they would smack me. I would in turn smack them back, after awhile the body can become accustomed to such stimuli and adapt. Which basically means, they hit me enough times that it's ingrained in my brain."

"You really have a short attention span don t you?" Ashley said scornfully.

"Not my fault if my parents lacked the foresight to get me on A.D.H.D. Meds when they had the chance, particularly since I was the type to really need them." I said turning back towards "Leon, Also as a side note, you hit like a girl."

"I do not; I wasn't using all of my strength." Leon said rolling his eyes.

"A likely story." I said, waving my hand back and forth before skipping up the stairs to the room above. It was much larger then the room below, containing a bed several cabinets and weapons racks to one side was a silverish plaque on the wall much like the one I'd taken the sword from earlier. The one however was sans sword, and as I looked at it I heard the noise of metal on metal followed closely by the appearance of Leon with Ashley. Leon held the sword I'd dropped, blood stained and nicked as it was much like one would hold a towel that one wished to toss because the cat threw up on it or something.

"Turns out your little friend is a key." he said matter of fact, disgusted look on his face.

"Charming." Was all I had to add as I took stock of the condition of my clothing. Still no pants, underwear... No worse then to be expected. Shoes intact and shirt slightly singed at the left shoulder but otherwise intact. I was a mess, and I definitely needed a change of clothing.

He placed the sword on the plaque, and a shuddering filled the air as the silverish-platinum area moved to reveal another door.

Well, onward and forward. I said, grabbing my hand gun and walking forward.

* * *

Ending Notes: Yeah, the 'silverish' sword? Is actually called the Platinum sword, likewise the 'Silverish plaque' is the platinum plague. But Trouble wouldn't have known that, she doesn't have the kind of background that would allow her to tell the difference. I actually played around with the idea of Trouble traipsing around with the platinum sword, but nixed it after a bit of logistics. I might give her something else, but as of yet have not decided on it definitely.

Troubles skills with a sword that I spoke of before? Consist mainly of stick fighting with her friends, and whacking at people once at a county Renaissance fair. So don't expect her to go all 'Samurai' or 'Knight of the round table' on anybody, that's not in her character. Going all Friday the 13th on someone however? Yeah, she can do that.


	11. Demented Elves

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He freed her, she annoyed him. Comedic relief comes in all shapes and sizes.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional. Possible blood, gore and mentions of stabbing, and not in the fun way yo.

**Author Notes: **Nothing I can think of at the moment, le gasp! Shortish Chappy, my sorrys.

**Disclaimer: ***Holds up a sign* Does not own, nor claim to own Resident Evil in any way shape or form... Except for a copy of each Gamecude version ever published. Nor is she in fact, any sort or Shellfish.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Demented Elves **

**By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie**

* * *

The door opened into an empty courtyard, wall arching overhead as we walked out the door Battle racing ahead before the sound of a door opening behind us caused our collective hackles to rise. I spun ready to shoot, but dropped my arm as soon as I heard the familiar voice.

"LEON!" Luis called catching up to us with a grim grin.

"Luis!" Leon turned

"I've got something for you guys!" he said, grinning. He patted his pockets, searching for something in his pockets before cursing "Whu-SHIT! I must've dropped it when I was running away from them!"

"Dropped what?" Ashley asked.

"A drug, he said with a sigh, To stop your convulsions."

Leon and Ashley shared a look as I moved towards Luis.

"What do you mean?" I said biting a lip, he couldn t? Or could he. We haven t said anything to him, and I am starting to wonder just how much he knows.

"Look," He said, looking me in the eye before looking to Leon and Ashley, Leon was tense a hard edge glinting from his eye as a lump formed in my throat "I know you're carriers. You've been coughing up blood right?"

I nodded massaging my throat thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Leon said gravely.

"And you?" Luis asked looking first to Ashley then to me.

"Yes." I an Ashley parroted, sharing an uncomfortable look.

"DAMN!" Luis said turning away, "The eggs have hatched. We don't have much time."

"What are you talking about?" Leon said, walking towards him. I moved to stand beside Luis, trying to look around and into his eye.

"I have to go back and get it." Luis said, voice fading.

"Let me come with you!" Ashley said, and I couldnt help but slap myself in the face.

"No. Ashley. Augh what are you thinking?" I let out a gusty sigh," Let me come with you?"

"No. You stay here with Leon, he's better with the ladies. I'm sure." He said pacing away, before I grabbed his wrist. He was warm, and his shirt was made of a thin wispy cotton.

"Wait," I said holstering my gun, I put my fingers to my lips and whistled. Battle came running.

"Kaiser?" Luis said, bending down to the now over enthusiastic canine. We'll one mystery solved.

"I do such at naming, what do yah I know? He's yours I'm presuming," I said scratching his scruff, "Either way, take Kaiser with you."

"No, he should stay with you eh?" Luis said, patting him on the head before standing strait again. "After all, he was always more of a woman's dog anyways."

"I for one," I said taking the stubborn bitch stance and looking him in the eye, "Would feel safer if you took him with you."

"Fine," he said in defeat.

"Maybe when you get back I can tell you about the adventures we've had. I swear to god, everything pre-fireball was true." I paused for a moment, "Or not, I don t remember it all. Hit my head a few times. Think I dropped a few I.Q points."

"A few?" Was Luis's only response to this grinning.

"Why are you doing this?" Leon asked quietly, all business. Luis turned to look at him before moving to go. Way to ruin the mood my friend.

"It makes me feel better, lets just leave it at that." He said before walking away, Batt- I mean Kaiser following with a tail wag and a bark.

We turned back to our original direction, moving towards a stone courtyard the had two doors set into dirty white/grey stone walls. One stood directly in front of us, reddish tinted metal gleaming in the moon and torch light. The second stood off to our right, double wooden doors cradled in a stone recess twin brazers on each side, burning brightly in the otherwise dull moon light. It looked almost warm and inviting, but even Ashley has to have learned by now that appearances are deceiving. Leon looked from one door to the other before walking towards the double doors, determined look on his face.

Large metal rings were set into the wooden surface, metal studs covering the door in rows like the stereo-typical siege door. A heavy lock set into the doors proved to be very locked as Leon tugged impotently on the handles with a curse.

"Key must be the other direction." He said starting towards the door before I grabbed his arm.

"One moment Leon, let me have a look at this thing." I said poking at the oversized door lock with a grunt. The hole for the key was easily big around enough to put my thumb in, so naturally I put my pinky in their poking and moving it around I felt along the recess before my face broke into a grin.

"What, don't tell me you have a hidden talent for lock picking that you didn t tell me about." Leon said scowl in place. "Because that would just totally take the cake."

"Nope," I said before rustling around in my bag looking for something small and maybe pick like. Far from it in fact, but... I pause for a moment before my fingertip slipped over an oiled bit, pinching between two components, "Owie, son of a bit-"

I gave up before throwing my hands into the air in frustration.

"Come on," Leon said, shouldering his shotgun "We'll try the other door."

"No," I said plopping down.

"What?" He said, "Are you giving up on me?"

Nah, I just need a rest. I said checking the sights on my gun before ejecting the clip, I need a minuet, you guys go on ahead.

Leon looked at me strangely as I sat there, and I let out a gusty sigh before going into explanation mode.

"Look, if you really are going off to find the key to this damn thing then you will be back." I said jerking my thumb at the door before rolling my eyes, "I for one, need something to eat." I finished before jerking a bag of Cheetos out of my bag, accompanied but a half finished bottle of water.

Leon shrugged at Ashley before moving toward the other door, giving me a stern look before saying "Don t go wandering off, and don't go gallivanting off after Luis either. You move from that spot without good reason and I'll chain you to Ashley."

"I know I know," I said rolling my eyes.

"Ashley stay with her."

"WHAT?" came from two mouths.

"Stay with her," He said leaving no room for argument.

"Hells Bells. It's like I'm babysitting only I'm not getting paid." I said huffing before scooting back against the door. I emptied the chamber of my gun, wishing not for the first time that I had a cleaning rag and some gun oil so I could take care of it properly, before slowly taking it apart. I removed the gunk, and gore from the pieces methodically using the edge of my shirt as a makeshift rag.

My Granda was always very strict about the maintenance, and care that you put into a weapon. If you needed a gun, you also needed to take care of it, because if you didn t you would be S.O.L when it decided it was a good time to give up, and I knew that he would be more then a little cross with me if he saw how badly scuffed the dark metal was due to any number of falls I've taken in the past oh... Several hours?

Normally a gun didn t require so much care, but if anything about this situation was normal I would eat my hat. I'm not wearing one, so there. Insert mental tongue sticking out at any one who says otherwise here. Sometimes the best person for the job IS the trained monkey.

About fifteen minuets passed before Leon reappeared, key in hand scowl set in place.

"You ok?" I asked, gun reassembled and back in its holster.

"Yeah," He said shoving the key into the lock with a grimace, "Lets just say that I for one am glad you decided to take a break."

"Oh?" I said as Ashley moved to he feet, brushing her skirt off.

"Yes, apparently they have crossbows." He said, and I noticed for the first time the fine line of red that beaded the side of his once unmarked face.

"Ouchies," I said, rubbing my cheek in sympathy before letting in drop. The doors swing open as Leon gave them a shove, revealing a room beyond that made me wish for Saddlers immediate demise.

Lavish carpeting ran up the center of the room and marble tile set into intricate designs, covered the floor beyond it, as a white lavish stone dome stretching overhead supported by ornate pillars. Twin rows of brazers similar to the ones outside ran up either side of the deep blue carpet, stopping at the top of a small set of stairs that lead into yet another area of the hall. Beyond the steps was another another wall small hallway leading to another chamber of the massive room, and as we moved towards the stairs the sound of demented laughter had made me look up.

A stone balcony stood out, about a floor above us. Center stage above the central hallway. Movement caught my eye, and two impossibly tall figures stepped out of the doorway just beyond one wore red, the other black. But my eye was inherently drawn to the movement of another figure in the enter, and I couldn t help the incredulous look that crossed my face.

The man-boy-presumably male creature was shorter then I was! And he was LAUGHING like some demented elf or something. I suppose I should be more focused on something else, but let me clue ya. I'm five nothing. If this male creature is indeed an adult, and shorter then me then he was damn short for a male.

Also, he was wearing something akin to purple/blue velvet suit that looked like it would be more at home in some mid evil painting then in the 21 century. Is it me, or do these people need to get out more? Did I mention he had a tri-corner hat to top it off (No pun intended), no? Good, because he did and for some reason I had the unconscious urge to steal it just because I could. Well, I couldn t technically since he was up there and I was down here but that's besides the point.

"I was starting to wonder when you might notice us." Said the small guy.

"Your kinda hard to miss." I said, before Leon could say anything and I caught him face palming out of the corner of my eye.

"Who are you," Leon asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. I couldn t help but stare at the short guys friends/lackeys with distrust. Something about them made my hackles raise, and my gut told me that they weren t something to fuck with.

"Me llamo Ramon Salazar," He said with a flourish of his hands "The eighth Castellan of this magnificent architecture. I have been honored with the prodigious power from the great Lord Saddler. I've been expecting you, my brethren."

"No thanks, bro." Leon said, and I had to fight the urge comment on the technically inappropriate word usage.

"My, my we've got a feisty one." Salazar said, "If you care for your own well-being, I suggest you surrender yourself and simply...become our hostage. Or, Mr. Scott, you can give us the girl's, since you're not worth a penny, I'm afraid. You can die."

He turned and walked away, and I could stop myself from leveling my handgun at his back and taking a shot. He spun, and an unearthly hiss escaped from the taller fellows on either side of him.

"Don't turn your back on us," I said sounding bigger then I was despite my fear. Salazar leered at me the glint of an unnatural obsession in his eye.

"Don't worry little sister,?|" he said backing away, "I would never wish to make you feel forgotten, in fact just for you I shall have a something special. "

As he disappeared from view, I couldn t help but think I should've kept my mouth shut and my hands in check. I believe I have been marked for a particularly horrid fate. Oh joyous day. I sighed as I felt the adrenaline rush pass, hand on my heart I payed little attention to Ashley's whining about never turning into one of then, and Leon's reassurance.

My heart was beating pretty fast, shouldn t it have passed by now? My breath hitched, and suddenly as my stomach and diaphragm seized in horrible razor sharp pain. There was nothing but the pain, seizing my muscles and causing me to drop. I was choking, I couldn t breath, I couldn t...

* * *

Ending Notes: has anyone ever noticed that in the cutscene with Salazar that the hall looks a lot bigger the it did? It bothers me because I cant honestly tell if its my eye's playing tricks or they added and Extra set of brazers or something.


	12. Bondage

**Story Title: **_Build a God, Then We'll Talk_

**Summary: **He's a secret agent, and she's gone off the deep end, then there's the presidents daughter, some strange 'Police man' by the name of Luis and the chick in red. Life could hardly get more complicated. OH! Did I mention the crazy guys in bath robe's?

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Swearing, both creative and traditional.

**Author Notes: **Yup, no idea bought the title. Kinda dont have a clue thar. Sorry about the delay, had alot of school crap to deal with. Still do. Also, hate Garradors hate even more that you have to turn your back to the first one it get it to move. So, now done with that Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and A wonderful holiday season to all regardless of religion. May the season of giving be upon yeh! *Tosses all cyber treats*

**Disclaimer: **I own A Umbrella, doesnt that make me evil or rich. Only crazy, because I never use it... Regradless of the excessive amount of rain that falls in my general area of residence. But it would be nice wouldnt it?

* * *

**Chapter 9: **Bondage

**By:** _Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie_

* * *

I felt my body seize again, twitching it seemed to move on its own, thrashing about uncontrollably as my body tried to find a way to alleviate the pain. And as suddenly as it started it was gone, leaving behind only the dull ache of strained muscles, accompanied by a painful hitch in my throat as I tried to breath. I was on the ground, Leon and Ashley on either side as I lay there.

"Trouble?" Leon asked, concern filling his voice as I felt him slip his hand under my back helping me to sit up.

"I'm" I paused gulping down a lump of... Something in my throat, something that brought the taste or copper to my mouth even as I forced it away "I'm fine, just tired."

Even Ashley looked concerned, as I got my feet under me to stand.

"Maybe you should take it easy?" Ashley said wringing her skirt between her fingers.

"No," I said, "We have to go, and I cant hold us up. The sooner this is over the better."

I didn't tell them that I didn't think it would be over soon, or if it was it would end a lot sooner then anyone would have liked. The taste of copper hit my tongue again, and I rolled it around in my mouth before gathering it on my tongue, grabbing a napkin from my bag I spit into it while Ashley and Leon weren't looking.

Ashley and Leon walked up the steps as I dawdled behind, jumping when a massive wall slammed up in between us and the end of the next hallway. I tossed the napkin into the corner before jogging to catch up to them.

"Great," I bringing my gun out. "Now we get to go all Indiana Jones on the place... Don't suppose you have any explode bits eh James Bond?"

"Nope, unfortunately." Leon said as he glared at the wall, shoving something- things further into his attache case. Ashley fidgeted a bit as I noticed something else that was odd. What the hell was a type writer doing here? WTF Odd people are ODD.

"Well, there are two other doors." I said before doing an impromptu inny meany bit.

"I cannot believe we are relying on your skills of random." Ashley said as I picked the door to our right.

"What? Its worked out before!"

"I for one am not going anywhere you inny, meany, miney, moe." She said heading towards the door on the left. A quick tug rewarded her with the knowledge that it was indeed locked and she let out a little huff before glaring back at me. I sighed as I twisted the handle, mock bowing the two of them into the room not bothering to look back. As I tried in vain to keep my mind from dwelling on the bloodstained napkin sitting in a lonely corner of the empty hall.

* * *

The door had opened into a large looking foyer like room, two large columns surrounded by stone supports taking up the majority of the room with an of-shoot to our left leading to a locked metal door, and another leading onward. A quick inspection of the room revealed nothing important although I did manage to knock a painting off the wall in one of my epic show's of clumsiness.

Almost like the time I tripped over my cat Boozer on the stairs, went flying and ended up landing on my toosh in my half filled laundry basket. I totally blame Boozer, he has it out for me.

I do hate my luck most of the time, it leads to the weirdest predicaments.

Like the one I am currently mired in, you know crazy guys, torches, El Gigante, yeah fun times. Remind me to send them a thank you card... Attached to the pipe bomb I am determined to learn to build specifically for said purpose.

You know, I may just have issues. Just maybe.

We walked through the strange room quietly, and I couldn't help but think that they felt the same twinge of wrong that seemed to permeate the room. Smothering any positive emotion with apprehension and misery, yes something was definitely wrong here. I felt a faint stirring in my abdomen, almost like the butterfly's in your stomach feeling that you get from riding Teacups for awhile, before I felt my blank eyed gaze settled on the room below this one.

You could see it thorough the way the room was set up was very strange, one area the area set below was cut off by the steel door. But you could still see into the room due to the open window like area along the left side of the room. It wasn't terribly easy to describe, but was a bit like ballroom.

A ballroom with from what I could see, a bell to one side and a cage set in the wall not far from it... Perhaps not a ballroom then, for the cold grey stone that was used for this portion of the castle spoke more of a prison. I shivered at that thought, and backed away from the windowish area, ignoring the strange almost breathing like noise from below.

A little way from me, Leon was reading a piece of paper a note that had been attached to the wall not to far from us.

"Trouble," he said moving towards me, "What do you make of this?"

**Capture Luis Sera **

I have confirmation that Sera has entered the castle.  
Why he would during his escape leaves me to question  
his motives. But we must seize this moment and capture  
him.

We will get the other three Americans after we apprehended  
Sera. It appears he took some vaccine's when he stole our "sample".  
The vaccines we can do without but we must retrieve the "sample"  
for its our life blood.

I feel there is somebody else or some other group involved in this  
whole affair.

If the "sample" were to get into the hands of that other entity, the  
world which we seek to create will not come. We must apprehend  
Sera as quickly as possible.

Hu, I KNEW that smarmy Spaniard was up to something! We would have WORDS! Was of course my first thought, but I as I pondered on it further I couldnt help but feel as though it was... Too strait forward.

"I think they meant for us to find it," I said, flipping the note over before looking back at the other side again, "I also think they're telling us the truth, at least partially. Luis may very well have been working for them, but he doesn't seem to be agreeing with what they are doing."

"You think he's on our side?" Leon said sceptically.

"Nooooo, not precisely." I said biting my lips and pulling at them. Stupid anxiety. " I think he's on the side that suits him best, I couldn't honestly say I trust him. But then again I barely know him, and with you as the rare exception I never trust anybody fully until I have their 'number' so to speak."

He ran his fingers through his hair as Ashley stood behind us, clearly put out about our excluding her from the conversation. I turned to the route ahead and twitched at the only thing blocking our path.

What was it you ask?

Not some conventional door, or gate no.

A fricken wall of FLAME!

And what more unusual? That the flame was emitting from the mouths, or was it the nostrils? Of two horse/donkey statues, I refused to get close enough to tell the difference. I took to staring at the flames while grumbling under my breath about flaming asses and whither or not I could do something to get past them.

"Don't even think about it Trouble," Leon said, all business.

"Yeah, dont be stupid." Added Ashley, as I turned my glare of doom up a notch and pointed it in her direction.

"What make you think imma do something stupid?" I asked, plainly put out.

"Because I recognize that look on your face you nutter, I know what your thinking and I do not approve. " Leon said before my brain for some reason, fed me the mental image of Leon stamping my thoughts to ensure quality. "If I have to tie you up, I will."

"Kinky as that sounds," I said spotting something shiny off to my right, as Leon groaned "I think I will have to pass."

I pointed grinning, and Leon stared at what I had just noticed myself. A painting, of a man holding a hunting pistol, and a key. Only the key wasn't painted on, it was hooked on in an elaborate optical illusion that made it seem as though it was painted on. Ok, so maybe you had to hand it to these people, they were at least creative. And optical illusions, regardless of their purpose were always a work of brilliance. Such complex simplicity, you can stare at something all day and not see the purpose unless you know how to look.

"Well I'll be," He walked toward the portrait moving to take the key, pausing for a moment to look around before grabbing and yanking. We all waited with baited breath as we expected some horrible doom to befall us, but nothing happened. Nothing moved, no hidden booby traps, nothing. Was kinda ominous in and of itself, as it were.

"Where do you suppose it goes?" Ashley asked, looking at it.

"Well, there are two obvious answers to that question." I said looking at Leon.

"The door down or the door that Ashley tried to open?" Leon said, staring at it hard. "Either way, we'll try both. One's on the way, so its not like were losing much time by doing so."

"Sounds like a plan to me." I said.

"Yeah, but then so does running and screaming," Ashley said, and I was alarmed to discover I felt the same way.

The key was indeed to the heavy steel door, that opened to reveal a long stone staircase down into the room I had been looking into only minuets before, and I couldn't help but think something was off. My chest, or rather the area in-between my chest and my stomach throbbed dully causing my hand to inch upwards in unconsciously. _I really was not up for another round of convulsions right now, thanks all the same._

Leon paused at the top of the stairs, as if noticing something and I did the same. I put a hand up to stop Ashley, and cocked my head to the side as I noticed something. _A faint sound, almost like... Breathing._

"Do you hear that?" Leon asked, and I nodded in reply putting my finger to my lips. I followed him as he walked slowly down the stairs, Ashley not far behind. We hit the ground floor, and I noticed that it was at least fifteen feet to the little window area that I'd been peering down from. Another couple of steps gave me the sight of a few stack of crates, and of all the odd things, a bell- no two bells. One placed at either side of the room.

Leon motioned with his head, and I picked up on the direction of the breathing. It was coming from behind a pillar, a pillar that was in turn cluttered with crates and standing just in front of something that looked far to much like a prison cell for my tastes.

Leon and I moved towards it, while Leon waved Ashley off. Pointing towards the far corner, or rather to be more specific, the corner that stood just a few feet from a bell and a pile of crates, just below the windows. She crept over without complaint, as we moved around the pillar, taking in the sight before us.

And then my brain stopped. I am not lying either, my brain just stopped. Because I couldn't be seeing what I was seeing. Because my brain couldn't grasp what I was seeing, it had passed go collected two hundred dollars and kept running. _That bastard._ It was one of those instant denial things, like what happens when you go to a Haunted House during Halloween, and the room is so faked out an painted up that you don't even think of believing it because its so _fantastically unbelievable._ The only given problem with this concept at the moment however was, that it _was not fake_. One often underestimates the length their brain will go to deny something. I had never had this problem before, or at least not in this context. I was always believe, accept, and move on.

_It made my life easier to just believe, and be disappointed later._ Man did this ever screw with my world view. I should perhaps explain what I was so adamantly trying to _not accept?_

A man, or what once must have been a man. Who was now definitely NOT a normal man anymore, because he had to be somewhere around eight feet tall totting a steel trap over his head, and wolverine like claws attached to each arm. A chain was wrapped around him, securing him to the wall via what looked like an old fashioned rack. You know, the Spanish inquisition kind? No one expects the Spanish inquisition.

Okay, to much Monty Python not enough pay attention or I'm gonna get hurt.

I crept closer as Leon gave me a look, and I gave him another look. He was chained to a wall, behind a prison door to boot, what could he possibly do breath on me?

I moved up against the bars, and looked closer noting that his eyes weren't shut by his own choice. Probably the only way to disable him enough to get him in here. I know you have to blindfold horses sometimes to get em to do things, although this was a little more extreme then blindfolding a horse to get it past something that spooked it.

A breath, and a twitch was all the warning I got before I found myself flatted underneath the heavy metal that once was a door, and now wasn't. Before the sound of breaking chains accompanied by Ashley's shriek and Leon's long string of curses split the air. I shoved at the door trying to get it off of me, but wheezed as its weight increased exponentially due to the sudden added weight of the monster that had been behind it.

The thing seemed to use the door as a launching point, slashing its claws out in Leon's direction, as Leon dropped down and rolled under them. A feral shriek rent the air, escaping from the creatures mouth as Leon dodged back around the pillar.

Ashley let out a high pitch screech, turning white as the creature turned towards her dropping down into a crouch before setting off at a speed that was not natural to something of that size.

"ASHLEY!" I and Leon yelled in unison, Leon let off a shot hitting it in the back. It staggered to a halt for a moment, stunned? I couldn't tell.

"ASHLEY! CLIMB THE GODDAMN CRATES!" I screamed from my place of temporary imprisonment. And she seemed to agree that it was a good idea, as the creature spun from where he was turning toward me in instead.

_Oh shit._

Ashley scaled the crates in record time, before one upping my idea and leaping for the thin lip the sat below the windows. Good idea, I might actually commend her if I don't get TRAMPLED TO DEATH!

I struggled again with the door, grunting with the effort but to no avail. It was just to damn heavy to get off me without someone else's help, and then an idea hit me. I shoved a bit squirming to the far side as the creature began another death run, this time in my direction. Leon moved to shoot it, enraging it more as it moved. It was ten feet from me now.

Five feet.

And then its foot was hitting the edge of the door, pressing down on that side as I pressed up on the other. Popping it up and into the creatures shins and kneecaps, and probably cause a great deal of damage as I crab walked away before leaping to me feet and making a b-line for Ashley's safe haven.

I moved like a creature possessed as I heard it stagger before yelling again, then the clacking of the chain around its neck as it dropped down. Down into the crouch it made before sprinting. And I hit the edge of the first box, and I went UP and then the second box, then the third. Then I was clawing at the thin stone lip while Ashley dragged at my arm, climbing the wall like an alien on steroids.

I felt the box give under me as its claw hit strait on, but it _didn't matter _because I wasn't there anymore. Another short range out, this time the loud report of Leon's rifle and the thing screamed in pain as it tried to free its claws_ from the wall_. I gulped as I clutched both Ashley, and the edge of the window that allowed us to stay where we were, a welcome handhold that kept us in place.

A third shot range out, and it proved to be the last as the thing fell to its knee's with a groan.

"You can both come down now." Leon said, reassuring but tired smile on his face.

"No we cant." I said, as I an Ashley looked at the ground that seemed miles away.

"What?"

"To high!" I said in a high pitched whimper.

* * *

A/N: So, Leon finally calls it as it is with Trouble. And then all hell breaks loose as the plot thickens nicely.


	13. The Game Has Changed

**A/N:** So, I've been trying to update this damn thing for months now, and every time I turn around life decides to take a dump on me. Having said that, I'll update this bitch anyways, cause at this point I Don't Fuckin Care. No lie. As a side note, I've been through several fandoms recently and have become obsessed with Dragons Age, AND Mass Effect damn you Bioware *Shakes fist*. Either way, I hope you enjoy the latest entry in this lil shindig as Trouble and Ashley find themselves quite a bit more willing to work together. And then all hell breaks loose as the plot thickens nicely.

**Warnings:** No Beta to be seen.

* * *

**Chapter 13: The Game Has Changed**

**By_: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie_**

* * *

_'My love for irony,_' I thought to myself as I stood there looking at the blank stone wall, waiting for something profound or dramatic to occur _'Will definitely be the death of me.'_ I finished with a grimace.

Perhaps I should recap on where I am, and how I got here. It all begin I believe where I left off previously, at the door that had led to dun dun dun dun! Certain death! Well, for anyone other than Leon, or the crazy cultists, we just hadn't known it yet. After my graceful decent from my perch on the wall, ( And I will hear no word of this 'You fell on me you elephant!' nonsense from Leon.) We skipped merrily up the stairs, holding hands and singing-

Ok, so we didn't hold hands, and we weren't singing but I definitely had a skip in my step. But that could also be attributed to the fact that I was no longer clinging to the wall like a barnacle. I really have to work on that heights thing, don't I?

Either way we stalked up the stairs after a brief breather, flipping the mysterious switch on the wall, and shaking off the left over adrenaline from our dance with... Whatever that could be called, we were rewarded with the yells of yet ANOTHER set of Ganado.

Taking care of them in short order before turning the corner, and finding a lovely soul who felt the need to tote a crossbow, and his companion who thought dynamite was a sure hit. Leon had dodged into the nook with the rather realistic painting, taking all the cover that the particular area could offer while I stood back with Ashley, hiding just on the corner and popping off the few useful shots I could.

I giggled a bit as a stray thought about 'No dynamite in the house' flitted through it, before taking a shot at the crossbow guy before taking cover again. A moment later, and a crossbow bolt thunked into the wall not far from my position and I cursed.

His aim was getting better.

I turned looking at Leon, gesturing wildly for a moment to get his attention. They had us pinned, and likewise we had them pinned. But I had an idea and a few wild hand gestures, and one near miss with a crossbow bolt later I was waiting for Leon's signal.

Before leaping from my cover, roll down and under their fire and into the nook that hid Leon, at the same time Leon leaped and roll as I had to come up behind the horse statue on the opposite side before firing and ducking behind the statue again.

The ganado with a crossbow leaped out and took a shot, dynamite wielding ganado not far behind. Leon took a shot at the crossbow idiot, shooting and missing before I shot the dynamite wielder in the face and ducking down.

A loud WHUMP was the only thing I heard as the dynamite that the one ganado had been carrying blew, killing them both. The hall was almost ominously quite as peeked around the corner, before waving at Ashley. I was surprised that she didn't have any protests, since she's been kicking and screaming at me since the advent of this particular excursion.

Leon crept through the doorway that the two ganado had been hiding behind before waving us through, the area just beyond was empty save for a rather large area in the middle that the ganado had also used to hide behind at one point. Skirting it we walked a short way to yet another door, an we all stopped short.

"Do you think we need a key for this one?" Ashley asked Leon, and I obliged by answering.

"Nope."

"How would you know?" She said skeptically.

"Easy," I paced up to the door, lowering my center of gravity I kicked hard and fast catching it a little lower then I intended but still accomplishing my goal. "OPEN SESAME BITCH!"

The door swung open, revealing a large room beyond and I took the opportunity to bow mockingly. Leon rolled his eyes and I had the brief mental battle between inner voices. One wanted me to say something about his eye's rolling out of his head, while the other fought not to say something lewd. Instead my eye's settled on his to-pretty-to-be-man-hair hair, and then a bit lower as his back turned to me.

...how does a "He has nice hair" turn into an "I'd tap that" anyways?

The room beyond was one of the largest I'd seen yet, about the size of a large high school gym. Or a small factory building. It initially seemed squarish in shape, with a pair of staircases leading down on the far end. The floor had four indentations that seemed to be some weird type of reflecting pool.

And standing center stage in this whole mess stood three ganado.

One wore red, skull capped with the standard (for this place anyways) rams skull. And the two on either side wore helmets, and totted wooden shields adorned with spikes. The shriek of a ganado made I and Leon leap into action, bringing guns up with an almost practiced ease as our ganado counterparts raced to do the same.

I dodged down and left, breaking away from Leon and racing down one side of the large room. Hopefully I would be able to catch one of the shield holding bastards in the- I screeched to a halt as I slammed into a suddenly very open rust-red door. The door slammed closed, and I hit the ground clutching my nose in one hand.

Son-of-a-bitch!

I brought my gun up, popping an unfortunate ganado in the crotch as he towards me, my face and nose stinging from the abrupt meeting with the doors hard surface. I pulled the trigger, letting the clip run itself dry before dropping the empty and slamming the next home. The door swung open again behind me and I whirled, bringing my gun up and pushing myself to my feet as I fired.

The report of Leon's handgun fell away, exchanging itself for the loud concussion of the shotgun. As more ganado made their ways out of the door in front of me, a shield wielding idiot running at me as if he intended to use me as an ornament. I scuttled backwards on my hands crab walking into one of the strange pools of water in the process. I floundered about in the shallow pool, chocking on the liquid invading my lungs.

I tried to push myself up and out of the shallow water, but my hands couldn't find purchase on the slick stones at the bottom. My feet still flailed about above the water, mocking my attempts to force my head to the surface. I was drowning in less than a foot of water. I could feel my limbs start to go numb, as the feeling of tightness in my chest intensified. The world seemed to dim at the edge of my vision, before I felt a strangely distant pressure on one of my legs.

A moment later I was sputtering in open air as I felt myself being dragged out of the pool; I coughed and attempted to roll onto my side, and failed as I was pulled along the ground, before being tossed over some ones shoulder. I felt myself expel both air and water onto the unfortunate soul, as well as what I was assuming was my lunch. I would feel more inclined towards regret over this, if the Ganado in n question wasn't man-handling and kidnapping me. A scream of rage and dismay left my attacker, and I was suddenly thrown aside as he did an almost hilarious dance of disgust.

Another Ganado grabbed me as I was shouldered again, and off we went through the red rusty door accompanied by a scream of rage from Leon, and the shout of fear from Ashley.

"TROUBLE! TROUBLE! YOU SONS OF-"

The resounding clang of metal against stone cut him off, and I was whisked away up a set of stairs and into a strange ante chamber like area. I was dropped into a cushioned seat, as my kidnapper nattered at other Ganado in Spanish. I wasn't entirely sure as to what they were saying, limited knowledge of the subject making me somewhat upset. Spanish differs from country to country, and what little I know it what I've learned from a Spanish speaking fellow student of mine. He was from Latin-America. I am in Spain.

… Wonder if I will get in trouble for not having my passport? Either way, not the same place by half. I tried to shake off the lethargic feeling that came over me, knowing that it was probably the result of lack of oxygen from my brief attempt at breathing water. Focusing instead on my surroundings and what was happening between the Ganado surrounding me.

They seemed to be arguing about something, raised voices and excited gestures playing on my already frayed temper. One Ganado swung his hand out in a double handed gesture that seemed to mean some sort of denial, nicking the edge of my nose with his hand I the process. Pain flared, and I was suddenly on my feet tackling the unfortunate fool to the ground as another Ganado attempted to pry me off his comrade.

I threw my head back, feeling the snap of something as it collided with the second ganados face. I moved then, leaping off the first Ganado and towards a small round table. A strange slip of a thing it resembled a small wooden pedestal than anything else, gripping the single supporting leg before grabbing it and swinging it around. I caught the first ganado in the head, either knocking him out of killing him. Which I couldn't say, but as long as he wasn't gonna bother me again I didn't care.

The second was on his back, clutching his nose in both hands and howling his woe to the world. His screaming stopped abruptly as the wood of the small table I was holding collided with the side of his skull, before fracturing. I dropped the table, turning towards the door I'd come in through only to stop short.

There were two doors.

Two identical doors.

What the hell? What did they get them bargain priced at Wally-World? Come on!

I stared between the two of them, unsure as to what I should do. Before falling back on my tired and true method of deciding.

"Eeny, meany, mine-" a groan behind me spurred me on, "MOE!" I dashed through the left hand one, tearing down an unfamiliar hallway before hitting a fork in the hallways, and no by fork I didn't mean a four pronged super demon eating utensil… Ok imagination, we need to talk.

There was a right path and a left path, and once more I couldn't make up my little mind. Why did they let me out of the house every morning? Augh. I turned right, figuring that as long as I tried to get back to the same direction we had been going I would be fine; that is to say they dragged me off through the left hand door, my sense of direction temporarily discarded was not entirely lost. So, in theory I should be able to find them by going right and down a set of stairs…

Crap. I went left when I should have gone right originally.

Weeeelllllll, I am certainly NOT going back the way I came. What I needed to do, was find a set of stairs that led down. Leon and Ashley had to be at least a floor below me, I remember stairs being involved. A rather long set of stairs, but the specifics are a bit blurry. Grasping the handle of the door, I pushed it open with a grumble only to be presented with the sight I did not expect.

The door itself opened onto a raised walkway, that at the moment was playing host to a shrieking Ashley running from a recently splatted Ganado, another not far behind. I didn't even stop to think, dodging out I tackled the Ganado to the ground.

"TROUBLE!" Shouted a voice below my current location and I spotted Leon on the floor below us, I slammed the ganado's head into the ground before waving.

"Fancy seeing you here agent!"

"I could say the same." He said his voice more than a tad relieved. "Don't suppose you could give us a helping hand?"

"Normally no, but for you? Name it."

"Ashley has to turn those damn cogs, as far as I can tell they'll open the way for us to… Where ever we are supposed to be going." He said, exasperation in his voice telling all.

"Your wish is my command!" I said, as I moved towards the cog Ashley was currently working on. The mechanism seemed to be stuck, and only came free after a bit of elbow grease between the two of us. The sound of grinding gears in the background caught my attention, and I turned to look at what had been previously a vast length of water between the floor Leon was on and a door set on the other side. A small island broke the surface of the water on the far side, and I scowled before joining Ashley in a race for the cog on the other side.

We had to dodge a few Ganado on the way, with no help from Leon due a slight bit of preoccupation on his part. A swarm of Ganado were plaguing him, and I assisted marginally by dropping another Ganado on top of them with a well-placed kick. Oddly enough, I wasn't having so much trouble with the height difference between floors this time around. Eh, maybe I was getting better with this whole phobia thing.

The next cog turned with a tad more ease, and it wasn't until we were near the edge of the platform that I realized something.

"Shouldn't we, you know take the stairs?" I said to Ashley as she moved to jump.

"There aren't any stairs, Leon had to lift me up." Or not. I eyed the edge with misgivings, before I Ashley turned looking at me with bit of humor.

"I think I'll just go find another way." I said, forcing a small smile.

A nasty look spread a crossed Ashley's face, before her hand shot out gripping the front of my shirt before shoving me over the edge. I dropped like a rock, slamming into Leon and knocking him down with a 'WHUMPH'.

"Owe." Wheezed out of Leon, as I felt a surge of annoyance; I slapped his chest before rolling off of him.

"I'm not that heavy you jack ass." As I threw a glare at the now giggling blond above us.

"Not that light either, that's twice now you've fallen on me."

"Shut yer face, or I'll do it again." I said before standing to brush myself off. I could tell he wanted to call me on it, but resisted because… Well probably because he wanted to prove that he was the more mature party. I wandered away a bit as I looked at the room, surprised to see that it was connected via a staircase to the room I had been abducted from. I stared for a moment before I felt a tapping on my shoulder, which was then followed by a brief hug from Ashley and a slap on the back from Leon.

"The hell happened to you Trouble?" Leon asked, as we moved toward the strange walkway that had risen from below the even stranger water.

"Guy decided that he wanted to pick up a pretty girl," I said with a tired smirk, "Too bad he chose the wrong definition of 'pick-up'."

"He he, you think you're so funny." Ashley said rolling her eyes.

"That's because I am," I said with a dignified snort "S'not my fault I'm running out of material. I've been going non-stop for hours." Ashley only rolled her eyes at me, and I couldn't help the eyebrow waggle that followed, before I looked down at my now wet clothing. Man did I need a wardrobe change. My mind immediately jumped before I could stop it "And I've been soaking wet at least twice today, and never in the good way. I'm starting to get disappointed."

Ashley snorted indignantly before sticking her nose in the air, and Leon rolled his eyes at me with a muttered 'Figures'. We hop-skipped along the new path and through the thankfully unlocked door on the other side, stopping sort at the sight before us.

"Enter the cars."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh yeah, from time to time they drive cars on campus. Keeps students on their toes you know." I said with a shrug, and Leon gave me a look that said something along the lines of 'That explains SO much.' I blew him a raspberry and kept walking. The hall it's self was indeed large enough to drive a car through, if they could manage to fit it under the low hanging female statue was somehow bolted to the ceiling. Upside down.

Weird place just keeps getting weirder, and for that matter, a hell of a lot more creepy... Were those human hearts on the alter? Oh that's going to do wonders for my stomach.

"Really though," Ashley said staring at me. "Where do cars fit into this equation?"

"Weeellllllll, the hallway is big enough to compare to my schools walkways. And they definitely get a lot of traffic- both foot and otherwise."

A wave from the far side of the room caught my attention, and I had to roll my eyes at the merchant's audacity. Man had a pair, that for certain. After looting the various drawers and vases a brief haggling session with the merchant ensued, the resulting upgrades making me purr as I placed my handgun back into its holster.

I flicked open a pair of sunglasses that I discovered sitting in a drawer a few minutes earlier, amusing myself with them as Leon conferred with the merchant. Our biggest current problem currently circled around our supplies… Or rather the lack thereof.

Our ammunition was on the scarce side; and really I wasn't surprised. Leon hadn't exactly been prepared for the task at hand, and the Merchant didn't keep bullets on hand. So our supply was finite, and well counted. Twice. And distributed between I and Leon evenly despite the fact that he was the only one who used either of the larger weapons, a precaution in case something happened and he wasn't capable of using his.

We set things out the equipment on the floor for the moment, checking over and servicing our small arsenal as Ashley wandered a bit kept close in case the hall decided it would like to gain a case of Ganados. A subtle coughing caught my attention as Leon said something, and I looked over at Ashley; her face looked flushed, and a hand was clasped over her mouth. A look of horror swept through her eyes as she looked up at me, and suddenly she was running and I was not too far behind her as she ran coughing.

Down the hall passed the creepy hanging lady, and further down another hall before I pounce on her in a tackle that would a football player flinch, coming to a halt in a tangle of flailing limbs. I felt something come in contact with my back before another body joined ours, this one male and quite a bit heavier.

"Owe, damnit Leon your heavy." I said as I attempted to shove him off. I say attempted because he had somehow managed to become tangled in the wind milling limbs that we presented. Leon moved off us with a ninja like roll and I help Ashley to her feet as Leon backed away down the corridor, ready to catch her if she decided it was time to take off again.

"So," I said brushing myself off "What was that about?"

"Yes, what was that about Ashley?" Leon questioned further, as I fiddled with the sunglasses that had somehow been spared from the fate of the crushed, before putting them on.

"I…" She trailed off looking away before attempting to answer again. A answer that never came, as the sound of something heavy shifting interrupted her. Leon leaped back as what looked like a wall of spears shot up between us, throwing his weight backwards again as another set shot up inches from his face. His back slammed into the far wall, and clamp like arms slapped up around him affixing him to the wall.

"LEON!" Came from two different voices as the wall with Leon attached spun, and we looked each other with horror as the implications hit us both full force. I could, for once tell that she was as shell shocked as I was.

In less than five minutes we'd gone from set, to screwed.

"So, let me get this straight. The man who is supposed to be rescuing us, is strapped to a wall in the castle of a crazy small person with a fetish for pretty boys. We can't at the moment get to him to free him. I am the only one who can use a gun; I have half a box of ammo. Two shotgun rounds, five sniper rounds, its dark and I'm wearing sunglasses."

"About sums it up."

"We are soooooo boned."

"You can say that again."

"Waiter, our check please!" And thus was I left staring at the blank wall.

* * *

A/N part two: Bah, finally got this thing done after months of kicking and screaming on my own part.


	14. The Cellblock Tango

A/N: And without further ado I give thee chapter fourteen... Yes finally. I've been kinda poking along when it comes to writing this story now. Stupid Muse ran the moment I set my eye on her, and I haven't seen her since. I think Salazar must have roughed her up a bit.

Warnings: Totally fed up, no beta to be found. Sorry if it isn't as funny as previous chapters, trying to figure shit out.

* * *

Build a God, Then We'll Talk

**Chapter 14: Separation Anxiety and The Cell-block Tango**

By: Tamuril Telrunye A.K.A Bamvivirie

* * *

_"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and is widely regarded as a bad move." - Douglas Adams_

Further shouting revealed that Leon could not hear us, and grumbled to myself as I rechecked the ammo in my handgun, before holstering it to do the same with the shotgun and rifle. I was hoping that more ammo would materialize from nowhere, with as of yet not luck. I would also like to take time out of my day to mention that I do not appreciate the fact that Leon is taking a forced vacation. Nor from the doubtful looks I was getting from her corner was Ashley.

"What do we do?" She asked voice quiet and worried. A damn good question if you asked me, we were up shit creek without a paddle with a nice rain cloud on the way. If we didn't decide on something and do it soon, we wouldn't have much choice either which way.

"We go after him." I said simply, nodding my head.

"Are you crazy?" She said, voice pitched to attract dogs and small children.

"Yes," I said with a nod, "I always have been, how you missed this is beyond me. BUT that is completely unacquainted with my point, which is that we should get out of dodge while the getting is good."

"You mean just leave Leon here? At the mercy of these... THINGS?"

"Yes, were going to waltz right on out of here and leave our savior and friend to contend with the evil creepsters that run this castle." I dead panned. "Of course were not going to _leave_ him here you idiot. We are merely searching for the room that currently contains our dear secret agent, unless of course you have some wall destroying ability that has somehow escaped our notice up until this point?"

She glowered before snapping back. "Of course not, I'm not a freak like you."

"Touché' attack the obvious trait in hopes of deflecting the heat from yourself," I said eye's narrowed and stroking my imaginary beard. "Really though we should get going."

"I..." Ashley paused before making a face and continuing as though it were painful. "For once agree with your logic... Or lack thereof."

I nodded before heading back towards the merchant, I only had two guns despite the ammo I was carrying, and despite our differences Ashley needed some form of defense. And no brain I am NOT humoring the idea of Ashley using the sniper rifle as a club. She could break it, or conversely she could somehow cause it to fire (Even when empty I was wary of guns, and just about anything that was supposedly empty. You get battery acid in the eye once, you _learn_ to check and recheck.)

Ergo, I was going to (regret) I mean get Ashley a handgun with our somewhat limited funds. I purchased one of the few the merchant had, one I'd just sold actually and proceeded over to the side waving Ashley over with me.

"Ashley, I'm not Leon." I said simply, hoping she would see the way this was going.

"Yeah I gathered as much."

"I'm not Leon, therefor I am not a super-trained almost ninja man. I can't always be there to help you, I can try but I'm only one person." I said giving her a look, as she in turn looked as me skeptically. "Which is why I'm going to teach you to shoot; mind you, this is one of those 'Just in case' sorts of things. You shoot me in the ass, and I bitch slap you got it?"

"We are all going to die." She said, miserable look on her face.

"Eventually yes," I quipped, "But in my opinion, I think it's better late than never eh?"

"Ha, ha."

"Now," I said turning back to the gun and ejecting the clip. I ejected the round in the chamber before continuing. "This is a handgun. Make and model don't matter at the moment, because you're a beginner and this gun is custom anyways. It's lightweight, even for a handgun and easy to hand. It's the gun Leon brought with him initially, so I've handled it quite a bit."

"Okay."

"So, this is the clip and these are the bullets of course." I said handing it to her, and she seemed to weigh it in her hands as I spoke. "The gun is currently empty; I made sure of that before I began talking. You saw what I did?" She nodded, "Good. That's how you manually eject a dud, or clear the chamber. I haven't had many problems, but I do know that this gun as been through the wringer today. Treat her gently, she's a lady and all ladies deserve respect."

Ashley raised an eyebrow, and moved closer grabbing the clip and shoving it into a convenient pocket in my bag before wrapping her hands around the grip.

"Remember to keep your grip low, both hands on the gun at all times." I said, ignoring the fact that I'd been one handing it all day. "It's safer if you use both hand, anyways. The gun had very little kick to it, but you do have to keep your hands low on the grip. She bites," I said before demonstrating how the top portion of the gun slid back over the grip. "Now, this is the safety. On, and off." Flicked the small switch before releasing my supporting grip.

"Ummm, are we sure this is a good idea?" She said no small amount of fear in her voice.

"Yes." I said definitely, "That someone hasn't taught you what not to do with a gun yet is irresponsible. Ignorance breeds further ignorance, and even resentment. The fact that you don't know how to handle a gun won't save you from the people not afraid to use it. It's like telling a teenager that the wont get pregnant if they do it standing up with pink socks on. At the very least you should have been taught self-defense, every woman should know it. But we'll take what we can get."

At this she said nothing, but she did get a determined look in her eyes as she raised the gun and pointed it at a vase.

"Also, when not using it but still holding its point towards the ceiling. I was also told to point it towards the floor, but I also know that people frequently shoot themselves in the foot so it's your choice."

* * *

Another fifteen minutes passed as I taught her a few more things, and gave her a few pointers on her stance. I actually let her fire a round before we decided to get going, and I felt absurdly proud when she actually managed to hit the vase. After a few more minutes we were moving quietly through the red door, or as quiet as we could.

And I really had a bad feeling about this to be quiet honest. But Leon wasn't going to save himself... Or was he? I suppose he could, it's not out of the question since he had super-secret agent training and all, but at the same time I knew staying put would be a bad idea. I grumped silently to myself when I realized that this door didn't lead to a hallway connected to the room just beyond. At least not directly anyways. Shaz-damn. I guess it was a bit much to ask, but really castle builders, really?

It did however lead to a trap door. I was already regretting this.

"I'll go down first and check it out; if it's clear I'll snap my fingers." I said grimacing.

"Why can't you just whistle for me like Leon does?"

"Because my version of whistling sounds like a broken tea kettle- when I can actually manage to whistle."

"Ok... Why can't you just say 'All Clear' then or something like that?"

"Because we are in a castle full of crazy's, and monsters; you want to advertise all you can eat that's fine by me. But I intend to live." I said shrugging.

"Touché'" She said in return, and I sat on the floor swinging my legs over the edge before sliding down at a pace that made me twitch. My feet hit ground in a splash and I grimaced. No shoes no pants... This was getting old quick. I turned slowly, taking in the stone wall that surrounded me with a small sigh of relief. The corridor didn't give me much room to maneuver in- but likewise could be said about the cultists, and we currently held the high ground so to speak. "Stay up there," I said to Ashley making an effort to keep my steps quiet as I moved along the water logged floor.

I stopped briefly to look through a rebar filled hole in the wall before moving onwards. The silence around me was eerie and only broke by the occasional dripping and the sound of my breathing as I peered around the corner cautiously noting that it led to yet another hallway. Fine by me, everything was clear if a bit odd.

I moved slowly down the next bit of hallway in a strange sort of hyper-awareness jumping as the sound of metal colliding with stone broke the silence. The sound of metal hitting stone really caught me by surprise at that point, and I swung my gun up nervously looking around. I didn't see anything that could have made a noise like that, but this castle was full of fun surprises. So I grumble and kept my gun up as I snuck around the corner.

This was rapidly turning into one of those things that would make me paranoid for life. No really, I'm fairly certain I would be jumping at my shadow for weeks after I get home. If I get home... No, nope. Not going down that road, I am getting home... Sooner or later- preferably sooner, would mean I didn't waist a quarters worth of effort and tuition only to come back and do it again...

Although I knew you could get at least a partial refund on your tuition for extenuating circumstances. Wonder if I could swing that, 'Got kidnapped, need refund.' Think they'd go for that? I dunno. I sighed in exasperation as I swung around yet another corner, narrowing my eyes as I caught a strange noise with my ears. (1)

I took a step down the corridor, catching a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. A flash of movement, and suddenly I was on my back struggling with the heavy weight of something on my chest. A shrieking, twitching mass of chiton and claws pinning me to the floor in its all its terrible glory.

I let loose a shriek of my own, kicking and struggling with it as it pinned me and I knee'd it in its version of a groin levering it off of me with a swift kick. I scramble for the gun that had been lost in the fray, skidding towards it through the dirty water as I spotted it before falling flat with a loud SPLAT as the thing jumped on me again.

I was face down in the muddy water this time, fingers barely brushing the boring end of my handgun as its chitonous claws dug into the back of my shirt, cutting through the thin fabric and into my poor skin. I shrieked again, slamming my head backwards and into the giant bug's ugly maw I grabbed the handgun and spun. Ending this confrontation with the rattat of gunfire and a swift kick to its head. My back was less than pleased with the action, and I knew I was going to need stitches- that is if we ever got back to civilization. I had to have Ashley look at them. Wouldn't do to die of infection before I got home right?

I heaved a sigh, turning slowly and making my way back towards the ladder- hissing as my bag rubbed across one of my scratches. This day just kept devolving. Five minutes later I was sitting at the edge of the hole, Ashley looking at my scratches and clucking like a chicken as I described the creature to her in detail.

"And the worst part wasn't the fact that it pounced on me," Finished grumbling. "It's the fact that I didn't even see it coming."

"Really? How could you not see it coming, I mean. If it was as big as you said it was, shouldn't you have at least heard it coming?"

"Yeah, and that's what gets me." I said rummaging through the contents of my bag. I pulled out an ancient first aid kit, and a small bottle of disinfectant placing them on the floor beside me as I carefully attempted to pull my shirt up over my head. "Imma need you to disinfect my scratches for me, and then we can bandage em."

"But I've never-"

"I'll live, it's a minor abrasion. I just need you to pour the stuff in the brown bottle over my cuts." She did as I asked, and I tried not to hiss as my cut stung. I would probably need stitches, but I wasn't going to get them here. That was for damn sure.

I slid down the ladder once more, waiting for Ashley as I scrutinized the surrounding area.

Nothing.

I crept forward again, Ashley practically glued to my back as I went. Heard nothing for a good long time as we slowly crept down the corridor, and I was five seconds from telling Ashley that she needed to stop creeping up my butt like a bad pair of underwear when the sound came back. We were almost to a rather largish room by that point, a great deal of wide space in-between two walls, and the noise was coming from somewhere.

I stopped, motioning for Ashley to stay at the edge of the room before taping my ear and motioning like I was going to walk into the middle of the room. She shook her head, but I gave her a very firm look shaking my head as she pointed to herself. As tempting as it might be, I would feel bad if she died while in my care. Even if I didn't really like her to begin with.

"Do you hear that?" I asked her catching the distant sound of chattering. She nodded, and I took a few steps further into the room only to leap back as a rattling hiss echoed through the oddly shaped chamber. To either side the room had small cells lined along the wall, and in the center there was what I supposed was some sort of round skylight, only it looked more like the bottom half of a well. Which made me think that we were in some sort of oubliette… A word I only knew because of my childhood fascination with a movie called Labyrinth, which was at this point looking like the basis for the nice little group of hallways we'd just gone through.

I would like to call this copyright infringement, but technically the castle has been around longer. Sad day. Another hiss split the air and I looked on in shock as something dropped from the ceiling to land on the ground before disappearing again.

"Did you see-" Ashley began and I responded by grabbing her wrist and hauling her off into a side passage.

"Yes and we're running." I said as we came to a portion of the hallway that seemed to have fallen in on itself. The sound of shrieking behind us made me run even faster as it was answered by another shriek.

"Was that-"

"_Yes, and we are RUNNING!" _I interrupted again.

They could disappear.

They could fucking disappear into _thin air, _how was that fair? I yanked Ashley through a busted cell door, and then again into a hole in the wall that led to a cell beyond. Then I ran out the door for that cell, passed the other side of the caved in ceiling stopping briefly to pull open a door to yet another room before dragging Ashley inside.

I slammed the door and looked around, grabbing a chair to shove it underneath the door handle before taking stock of my surrounds. We were in a room. With only one door.

Fantastic; I've just effectively backed us both into a corner…

Unless- There was a window behind us, it was crossed with a heavy set of vertical bars- but there was a rather large gap in the middle that we might be able to slip through. I moved towards the bars, I looked out and into other side of the room we'd just fled from. There was a deep pool of water just outside of the window, but that could work in our favor if the bugs wanted to get at us. From what I could tell, they didn't seem like the swimming type- I could be wrong, but this was better than sitting in a room waiting to die.

"Ashley," I said pointing, and she grimaced before saying, "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack, git your ass out this window and I'll be right behind."

"Can't we just-"We were interrupted by the sound of something colliding with the door, and Ashley lurched towards the window wriggling through and into the pool of water just beyond. I made to follow, wiggling through just in time avoid being lunch for the GROUP of bugs the burst through the door after us. I could swear I felt a claw slip against my leg even as my head hit the water, and I plunged in deep- kicking to right myself even as I swam away from the window.

The bugs themselves were unable to fit through the opening between the bars, but that didn't stop them from trying… All at once. It would probably have been a more entertaining sight, if I had any idea of where we were going to go from here.

"Trouble," Ashley said with a sputter, and I turned as she paddled against the far wall. "There's a door over here."

Admittedly I did the stupid thing and looked at the wall, before looking at her doubtfully.

"It's under water." She added helpful and I noted that there was indeed a door underwater. It was integrated into the grate that covered the lower half of the pool that we were currently treading water in. The only catch with it being there was that it also meant the door was _under water, _which was wonderfully unhelpful.

"Weeeeeeeeellllllll that may be unhelpful," I said, struggling a bit with my bag as it weighed me down. At least I wasn't wearing to much heavy clothing? Zing! Ok, bad jokes aside I had to check to see if the door was at least unlocked. That would require swimming down however, so I had to find a place to ditch my bag.

I mean a place that I could ditch my bag that wouldn't be problematic when I decided to get it back that is. I hitched it on a loose nail before wriggling out of the strap, paddling towards the wall. I took in a deep breath before diving down, coming at the door at an angle. I tried pushing first, knowing that it was unlikely that it would budge even as I tried twisting the handle.

The door gave at that, before the hinges gave out altogether and I found myself being pulled down with it. I released the heavy thing, making for the surface as my lungs begged for air. I broke the surface sputtering.

I braced myself against the wall even as Ashley paddled towards me.

"Well?" She asked tread water.

"It has potential," I said, clearing my nose. "I say we go for it, there's a staircase on the other side and…" I looked towards the edge of the water, noting the new crowd of bugs bating at the edges. "I highly doubt we'll have to deal with them on the other side."

We shared a look of agreement before I tugged my bag free, using it to weight me down as I swam for the doorway Ashley not far behind.

* * *

A/N:

You know, the noise that pops up every time one of those stupid bugs always make just before they pop up outta nowhere and scare the hell out of you? I HATE those bugs. They catch me by surprise every damn time, even when I know exactly where they are and I use the heat scope to keep an eye on them... I think it's my inner dislike for bugs? I guess I just have a natural distaste for anything better evolved then I am.

Yeah so Trouble doesn't get any fancy call from Sally over a machine she doesn't have in her possession, you shouldn't be surprised. I figure Salazar called Leon, Leon couldn't answer- bugs were a roaming anyways.


End file.

Resident Evil, Adventure, Humor