Star Wars The Trouble with Wookies...

Jaid: NAGA! JAD! GET IN HERE! (turns to reader) Hi! I'm Jaid Skywalker and this is Amber.

Amber: Hello. 

Jaid: And these are Naga and Jad, my muses. 

Jad: (a blonde Elf) Hi. 

Naga: (A Sith Lord) *glares* 

Jaid: Anywayz, this is a story Amber and I came up with after we ran away from her rabid bunny slippers, Fluffy and Fang. By the way, Amber, how did you get rid of them? 

Amber: Fended them off with a pork chop. But we have to hurry, those things eat fast and I want to keep my toes! 

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Jad: Disclaimer- None of these characters are ours, with the exception of Jad and Naga. We belong to Jaid. Jaid belongs to herself, as does Amber. 

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Warning: Insanity will be frequent. Heck, what am I talking about? The whole freakin' thing is insane! 

A/N: This is an alternate universe that includes Lord of the Rings and Gundam Wing. Amber is married to Han, they have Chewie and Yoda as "house pets". Jaid (Me) is married to Legolas (who, by the way is Jad's older brother), and Leia is married to King Millardo Peacecraft of Sank (also know as Zechs) and is the Queen of Sank. And Lucrezia Noin married Lando. Why? Who knows.  Anyway, welcome to our realm of insanity. 

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One fine winter's day on Corellia, Yoda was trying to commence with his daily chores which consisted solely of feeding and cleaning up after Chewie. It was shedding season and Amber hated vacuuming up Wookie hair. At the moment, Yoda was chasing Chewie around the house. 

Yoda: Go outside you will! Shedding season it is! 

Chewie: **ARRRAHANGA!** **_*It's cold outside!*_**

Yoda: Fur, it is for that! Outside you will go! Or feel the wrath of my stick you will! 

Han: Oh, for the love of the Force! Chewie! Just go outside! Amber hates vacuuming and your hair clogs the darn thing up anyway. You clogged up the last one and that was the 4th vacuum we had to buy this month! 

So Chewie was sent outside. Muttering or uh, growling to himself, he went to the only place that could provide comfort to our poor hero's heart: the Millennium Falcon. There he spent the night and in the morning: 

Han: Chewie! Ya great big furball! Look at this mess! 

Luke: Whoa, I didn't know he shed so much. 

Amber: You great big walking carpet! There's hair everywhere! Han, you better do something about that furball. And the Millennium is leaking oil again 

Luke: Hey, just have Chewie stand there. The hair will clog up the leak. 

Han: Chewie! Vacuum up right now! 

Chewie : **_*I'll just go sleep at Luke's*_**

Luke: That's not such a great idea. Mara hates to vacuum and she'll make me do it. Beside your hair will clog- 

Chewie: **_*I know, I know*_**

Luke: Look, Chewie, you can stay in the _Shadow Chaser_ tonight. Just don't go near the _Jade's Shadow_. 

So our hairy hero spent the night in the Jedi Academy's ship, and Luke made the Jedi students clean it out the next morning. Getting no pity, Chewie went to Lando's. Lucrezia, Lando's wife was less than thrilled to have a shedding Wookie on her hands, but Lando was aware of the business opportunity. 

Lando: Just think, Lu! We can collect Wookie hair for that fur coat you wanted and test out our new nuclear powered vacuum! 

Lucrezia: Are you sure that's a great idea? 

Lando: Of course it is! All my ideas are good ideas. 

Lucrezia: I will not comment. 

Well, to make a long story short, the nuclear powered vacuums couldn't handle Wookie hair either and they ended up going KABOOM!!! An ash covered Lando and Lucrezia ordered Chewie out, while Amber and Han discussed what to do at home. 

Amber: I've got it! Han, let's send Chewie to Mirkwood to spend some time with Jaid and Legolas. Jad can take him! 

So that morning, Amber and Han sent Chewie off with Jad.

Jaid: Hmm, This bow string's not tight enough…

***Knock, Knock* **

Jaid: Who's there? 

Jad: Jad 

Jaid: Jad who? 

Jad: Jad, you're Elvish brother-in-law and official muse? 

Jaid: Oh, that Jad. Sorry, not home. 

Jad: **(opens door)** Funny Jaid. 

Jaid: What's going on? 

Jad: Amber and Han are going nuts over Chewie shedding all over so they sent him here. 

Jaid: Oh, great. I feel loved. He can sleep outside. 

Chewie: **_*Moans*_**

Legolas: **(Coming in)** Jaid, I think we need to – AHHHHHHH! 

Jad: Something wrong bro? 

Legolas: What in the name of the Valar is that?! 

Jaid: It's called a Wookie. 

Legolas: It looks  like a demented bear. 

Chewie**: (growls, as some more hair collects at this feet. There is now a 10 inch pile of Wookie hair) **

Legolas: What's wrong with it?

Jaid: It's shedding. I mean, he's shedding. 

Legolas: Get rid of it! Now! 

Jaid: It's okay, Leggo, I told you, it's just a Wookie. 

Legolas: Just a Wookie!? The bloody thing's shedding a pound of hair as we speak! 

Jaid: Okay, fine! We'll just send it to Leia's and Zechs'. 

Legolas: Good. 

So, Chewie was sent to the pacifist kingdom of Sank, which is in the European region of Earth. There, King Millardo "Zechs" Peacecraft and his sister Relena, live with Leia. Legolas made Jad vacuum the tree house, while he and Jaid went off hunting Orcs.  

Leia: Chewie! It's good to see you again! **(Hugs him)** Uh, you're shedding again, huh? 

Chewie: **(nods)**

Leia: I see. 

Out of pity, Leia and Zechs let Chewie stay for a week. Relena was visiting the colonies, so she didn't really care much whether Chewie stayed or not. However, Zechs could take only so much Wookie hair, and finally, the Lightning Count's nerves where at an end. 

Zechs: Leia, you had better send that Wookie back to your old boyfriend, or I swear…

Leia: Calm down, Zechs! Okay, we'll send him to Quatre's for a little while till I can get someone to come get him. 

So, Chewie found himself in the Arabian Desert, in the lavish home of Quatre Winner and his wife, Dorothy. 

Dorothy: **(takes one look at him, then looks at her fencing foil) **Let's give it a haircut. 

Unfortunately, Dorothy meant shaving Chewie, so he was bald. This gave him the inclination to howl. Meanwhile Leia had contacted Han and ordered him to come get his Wookie before her husband had a nervous breakdown. Han, Amber and Yoda landed in Arabia. 

Han: **(looking at the bald Chewie)** Why didn't we think of that? 

Meanwhile, Quatre and Duo were watching the crying Chewie from a window. 

Quatre: Poor guy. Dorothy totally shaved him bald. 

Duo: Yeah, that's terrible. **(tugs on his long braid thoughtfully)** You shouldn't have let her go overboard like that. 

Quatre: I didn't know she was that serious! 

Duo: We ought to do something for him. 

Quatre: Yeah. 

(both think for a minute) 

Duo: **(snaps his fingers)** Hey, I've thought of something. 

Quatre: Oh, that explains the beads of sweat. 

Duo: Ha, ha. We'll give him my hair growth formula. 

Quatre: You take hair growth formula? 

Duo: Don't you dare say it. 

Quatre: Duo, that's like, scary. 

Duo: Never mind! It's not mine anyways. It's Master O's. 

Quatre: Oh, that explains the sudden growth. Wu Fei was wondering about that… 

Duo: **(rolls eyes)** Let's just give it too him. Maybe it'll make him stop howling. 

So, Duo and Quatre grabbed Duo's – 

Duo: AHEM! 

Uh, _Master O's _bottle of Rogaine or what ever it is that makes hair grow and gave Chewie a bath in the back yard. The next morning: 

Chewie: **_*YAY! It's back!*_**

Han: What the hell…?

Amber: Oh, great. This is just dandy. 

Dorothy: DUO! WHAT'D YOU DO?

Duo: It's not my fault! 

Han: That's my line. 

Duo: It was Quatre's idea! 

Quatre: No it wasn't! 

Dorothy: Quatre, I swear, sometimes you're such an idiot. 

Quatre: He was crying! I couldn't help myself. 

Yoda: **(starts hitting Quatre with his stick)** Shed he will! Your fault it is! Vacuum I have too now! Vacuum I do not like! 

Duo: Whoa, who's the little green dude? 

Yoda: **(turns around and begins to hit Duo)** Dude I am not! Jedi Master am I! With respect you will treat me! Or feel my stick on your backside you will! 

Han: **(turns to Amber)** I'm beginning to think that Yoda has an anger management problem.

Amber: I think you're right. 

(Jaid, Jad, and Legolas enter) 

Jaid: Hi guys! Just thought we'd drop in. Hey, why's Yoda hitting Duo like that? 

Duo: 'Cause I called him a dude. Gee whiz, cut it out! 

Jaid: Oh, I can solve that. NAGA!!!

(a cloaked Sith Lord enters, scythe in hand) 

Naga: What? 

Yoda: YOU!!! 

Naga: Uh-oh. 

(Yoda walks over to Naga.) 

Yoda: **(smirks)** Enjoying life, are we, hmm? 

Naga: Listen pointy ears, my life is hell thanks to you. 

Yoda: The point that is! Horrible were you, and so receiving punishment you are. 

Naga: Please Yoda, I've been with Jaid as a muse for several month now. Can't I rest in peace? 

Jaid: I'm beginning to feel insulted. 

Yoda: No, no. Stay you must. Your own fault it is. 

Naga: I hate you. Jaid shouldn't be loosed on anybody. 

Jaid: Naga! You're so mean! **(begins to cry)**

Legolas: There, there, dear **(hugs her)**

Jaid: ^____________^ 

Legolas: **(to Naga)** Don't talk to my wife that way! 

Naga: Yeah, whose going to stop me, you – 

Amber: AHEM! This is all very interesting, but shouldn't we be more concerned with the issue here, mainly, Chewie's shedding problem? 

Jaid: Oh, I was going to tell you. Shedding season is over for Wookies. He'll be fine now. 

Everybody: YAY! 

And so, Amber and Han took Chewie and Yoda back to Corellia, Jaid, Jad, Legolas, and Naga went back to Mirkwood, and Duo went back to L2. The Jedi students have threatened Chewie with death if he so much as touches the "Shadow Chaser again. They don't enjoy cleaning up. Quatre and Dorothy are still trying to rid the mansion of Wookie hair, especially as poor Quatre seems to have an allergic reaction to it. Leia and Zechs decided to take a long vacation in Hawaii, and Lucrezia and Lando decided to join them.

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Jaid: That has to be the weirdest thing I've written. And it's all thanks to you, Amber. 

Amber: Don't mention it. 

Jad: Uh, what's that sound? 

Amber: AHHH!!!! IT'S FLUFFY AND FANG!!! RUN!!! 

Jad: (as they run) R&R plz! 

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Hey, should I do a second chapter? Maybe about Lando's, Lucrezia's, Zechs' and Leia's vacation? Maybe I shouldn't, I think I've cause enough damage. Anywayz, bye peeps! 


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Star Wars, Humor