Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

_My head is screaming 'Get a grip, girl! Unless you're dying to rip your heart out!'"-_ Hercules

She was porcelain and glass; breakable, and so transparently white that you could practically feel the innocence radiating from her skin. He was fire, diamond, and bronze; shapeable, but unbreakable. With eyes alit with a new brazen, bold challenge, and sexy lips, smirking from approaching hazards. He liked the adrenaline before the crash, while she adored consistency and warm feelings instead of feeling fragile, constantly on the run. But, they were both the devil-may-care. She used to be friends with one of the most notorious Slytherins at school, while he was prankster with the emotional availability of Batman and his cape of mysteries. Both heartbreakers with a deficit of feelings, except when it came to hurling fire and ice at each other verbally, that's when everyone scattered, feeling WWIII coming on.

LILY IN THE SUMMER:

The world seems really bleak and irritating, now that I have to get into this stupid taxi and hurry over to my boyfriend's to break up with him. I'm wearing his least favorite blouse (the one without a back), the pencil skirt, and the super lash lengthening eye goop I stole from Petunia. My lipstick is the nauseatingly perfect shade of coral and my cheeks are hot and bothered, so much I look as if I'm a teenage girl in the heat of my first love-it's time to stomp on his heart with my 5inch pumps.

Now I know I totally sound like a sadistic, egotistical medieval bitch but whomever said 'Hell hath no greater fury than that of a woman's scorn', I say _amen_. My eyebrow arches when the taxi driver offers to take me back to heaven since obviously I must be some sort of angel. I just tell him to drive to 54th street, and leave me there on the curb. He pouts and kicks away some of the garbage littering the car floor as if to make it classier, more _worthy_ of my 'angelic' presence while I smirk in the back. I miss the visual worshiping that I had begun to ignore, because Caleb would growl and make faces whenever he thought I was getting too much attention from a passing stranger. My head would begin 'overinflating', he would say.

"Here," I say, and the driver looks disappointed.

I breathe in the familiar smoky air of the polluted city, smile at the tattered musical signs waving like specters from their respective theatres, smile at the other Kensington Park women or the walk of shamers trooping home. Their hair disheveled and makeup in disarray I notice someone slip out of a familiar old building and hide an amused cough.

James Potter would not hide his wealth like this; he would flaunt it. He would not hide his girlfriend like Caleb does; he would flaunt me.

_Snape_ would hurt me like this. Snape and Caleb are alike-Snape's not rich or handsome, but he's a caged animal and, when cornered, will lash out at the person he supposedly cares about the most.

"Do you need anyone to show you around London?" I tip my head to one side and wave the cabbie off; I'm through with guys for a while. Knocking on _his_ (stupid jackass') shabby condo door, the faux tattered chic is just to disguise the fact that Caleb's more loaded than a bazooka with the red tattered (Gucci– custom made) curtains and faded old griffin knockers; one could tell he's made of money. He's no wizard but he's a god, magical and wanted within the world of muggle London.

I keep the sneer off my face, and the effort to smooth it makes me feel like a statue in Italy; like a Botticelli or one of those angels whose smiles never reach their eyes. Usually when I'm with Caleb, I feel like that one painting in the Vatican where the man is reaching out to the angel, or God but never touching, never feeling him besides being naked in the middle of a meadow for anyone to discover. I feel so naked when I'm with Caleb, as if all of my faults are there for people to see because he constantly calls them out, mentioning them when I'm happy, sad or vulnerable

My pumps trip occasionally but I am on a mission and damn it, when I'm on a mission nothing will go according to the fucking plan, besides my hair looking like those pretty girls in muggle movies when they walk down high school halls but then again I'm hotter than hell, his hell. Caleb, suck it. I feel my hair splaying like fire behind me, my eyes flashing and my lips looking luscious because of the lip-gloss Lusciously Bitchin' by some lonely makeup designer. Okay, Lily, do it now. I trip again, of course, but grab onto a curtain with my long red nails looking oh so attractive with my leg awkwardly bent to an angle. I hope I ripped the forsaken thing.

"CALEB!" I shout, mounting the stairs while the butler lets me in, eyeing my attire with a ghostly grin. "CALEB ERIC EYRE!" my cute, over the top, stupid boyfriend stalks in looking livid.

"What the hell, Lily," he scowls, sitting in an armchair. "Call me next time, won't you?" I send him the death glare and cross my perfectly shaven legs, making him instantly alert.

"Are you being pissy again?" he sneers. He's got some stubble, is black haired and grey eyed. His fingers are worn from playing piano, and his career is making music for movies, he's a god. He's every girl's dream, a moody little artist with a sense of pride and an irritating stage presence that makes me feel as if I am merely an ornament on his badass motorcycle. "What is it, that time of the month?"

"Look, Caleb," I begin sweetly. "We're not working, you're done, and I'm cutting you off." He's silent and I see his knuckles go white. I've seen him swing at people but I can defend myself better than him, in his hung-over rage, can swing at my tiny frame. No one has ever defeated nor refused him anything so I'm _interested_ to see how this will go.

"What the fuck, Lily," he intones. He does not look so cute anymore with his brooding, narrow eyes and the angry purse of his lips. I want to laugh, but I do have _some_ humanity.

"You're done, we're done. It's been a long time and this is not working and you are wasting my time! And since you're not exclusive for me, I'm sick of trying for you, so we're done." His room smells of cologne and some other beezy's perfume, probably the girl I saw leaving through the back of his alley. Or maybe the one I saw sneaking out of his limo last Thursday? Either one.

"Lily, you don't anything and you're stupid. Just jump into my arms so I can buy you some more Louis Vuitton handbags," He drawls arrogantly. My red hair feels like it wants to whip him in the face, wipe that smirk off of his Adonis-like lips, or my purse wants to smash him where it hurts. Talk about insane; I keep thinking inanimate objects will be my own personal hitmen. But I really do want to run him over with a car, maybe the whipped taxi man will do it for me…? My sister Petunia, typical wannabe, _normal_ Petunia will shoot me for this; she loves my 'normal boyfriend', but he's a jerk and I deserve better than him, and she deserves better than Vermin (barely).

LILY: Namie Tai-Li intelligently rolls her sleeves of her shirt up as she wrestles with Burdock roots. Marlene leisurely scopes the room in case one of our classmates miraculously sprouted good looks like a disease. I lounge, re-braiding my hair while my jade green potion bubbles perfectly and Slughorn approaches for his usual Lily-worshipping session.

"Miss Evans! How lovely, you clever girl, perfect and smells just like mint!" I see Sirius miming puking behind Slughorn's back and I put a hand to cover up the smallest of snickers. "Such a potioneer! I'll never know why you're not in Slytherin," Namie rolls her strange gray eyes while Marlene's mouth perks up in one corner in her signature bedroom, half smile.

Professor Slughorn is like a walrus, but he waddles like a duck and most of the time I'm afraid he will fall over or something because he always seems to be sugar-hung over from all of the crystallized pineapple I schmooze into him. He likes to wear colorful shirts and muggle ties, but the shirts are the highlight of the classes because they are pink, yellow, or sky blue with a wacky tie beneath his robes. In my head, he's called 'Supa Slug'.

"Professor, if she was in Slytherin, she would miss out on being one of my most beloved housemates," a familiar voice drawls and I notice with quick interest this yummy man striding purposefully through the door. "Hello ol' Sluggy, ol' boy," he smirks deliciously. "Professor Dumbledore sends his kind regards," typical, another detention for our notorious Marauder leader. I lick my lips and sit with my elbows up, hands cradling my face lazily. James Potter, back from another conference with our Headmaster and he looks positively giddy as if passing a new record for most detentions. This would explain why Sirius looks extremely put out for the entire class period and has growled, several times, at Slughorn.

Slughorn waddles away.

"_Lovely_ Evans," the three Marauders (Peter did not pass the potions O.W.L.) sit in front of me (luckily), while Namie and Marlene, who resumes her eye-sex with Sirius Black, sit on either side of me; like the devil and angel on my shoulder. Sigh; every time Namie falls into concentration-mode (nerd) Marlene starts affair with the back of Sirius' head, I feel lonely and abandoned. God, I sound like such a desperate teenage girl but luckily Namie is rescuing me.

"Yoo-hoo, _lovely_ Evans!" she smiles sweetly, I hear someone catch his breath.

"Namie I'm so bored," I complain nauseated. "Look at Marlene, now she has Sirius' rear all to herself without the fan girls," I ignore the dirty look Marlene shoots me. Namie laughs delicately and packs up her things looking like a model; no, like a doll. She is beautiful with tiny features, Asian hair, Asian skin, rosy lips and cheeks, with the most curious of gray eyes for being full Chinese.

"Give the girl a break, it is not as if Fawn Graceland with her abundant charm has the flu every day," Namie teases. Marlene looks as seductive as ever, practically the female version of Sirius with a catlike grace, a teasing mouth, long limbs but full figure, shockingly blue eyes with mile-long lashes and dramatically contrasting dark hair. She's the prettiest girl in school with every guy at her beck and call, but make no mistake that no girl should go near Sirius while _Marlene McKinnon_ turns his direction, "Marley, truly, put your eyes back in before they melt in some poor bloke's potion."

"He makes me melt," she blushes russet, realizing what she said and gives the two of us a threatening look. "Tell anyone and I will drag your dead bodies through the mud before feeding them to an angry, gargantuan spider." Even when embarrassed, the girl looks perfect. She's an accessory you would love on your motorcycle, a trophy with her bewitching eyes. "Fawn Graceland that biggest fangirl of them all better watch what she drinks."

"Calm your balls Marley," I tell her, unmoved. Her eyes snap to mine and I know instantly that she caught me visually worshiping James, wait Potter, and I cast one of my own 'if looks could kill' glares making her laugh nonchalantly. I try to step on her perfectly pedicured feet and expensive boots, but end up kicking poor Namie in the delicate little shin, her face puckers and she starts swearing at me in Scottish. Yeah, she's Chinese but born in Scotland, go figure.

"Whoa there Tai-Li, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Sirius moves his stool so he's peering over her cauldron (shirt). She ignores him and flips her hair, giggling at what the boy beside her said. Sirius' face turns stony and he starts staring at Marley. Marley, upon seeing the entire little interaction, had a cool look of, 'I could get any bloke in the world and I'm stuck liking this wanker?' "How're you McKinnon?" he asks, attempting to recover.

"I'm small," she says ironically. Uh oh.

"Small?" Sirius asks looking irritated and confused. Oh sweet Merlin, why can't I be anywhere but here? Just block everything out; wow, the room smells like burnt bacon and eggs, the walls are look especially gloomy today, Supa Slug's looking pretty rotund and James is particularly handsome right now-

"Just like your-" damn it, Marlene.

"MARLEY!" I shout and cover her lipstick-ed mouth with my hand instantly; the entire class is watching me now as if I just sprouted a tail or turned into a ferret. "Can you lend me that shade of lipstick? It would look so good with my skin tone," I say feebly. My hand is dyed red from her biting my palm. It's not blood, I hope. I smile winningly and everyone turns away, muttering about how I have gone insane since…blah, blah, blah.

"Nice, Evans," Marlene observes and sends me a quick 'I hate you but love you,' look. "Sirius, go on and kiss the arse of every girl in the world, see if I care." Sirius' eyebrows disappeared into his horrendously attractive hair. He looks confused, and I see him watching Namie through the corner of his eye. Oh Merlin, please don't let Marley catch him!

"Why in Merlin's beard _would_ you care, McKinnon?" the clear use of her surname was an insult to someone like the proud McKinnon.

"Well _Black_, it does no one any good to see you make one of my best friends squirm when she quite obviously _does not want to speak to you_!" Namie and I are miraculously the only ones who know of her liking of Sirius so I deign to duck my head and return to my already perfectly done potion. "When a girl says no, she means no!"

"You wouldn't know the meaning of the word," he retorts. Marlene looks as if she was just smacked across the face, and I mutter a charm so that Slughorn cannot hear, one of the charms Snape taught me. I want to wring his neck. Or pour Bubotuber pus into his underwear, but that's immature. Lily, calm down, it's not your fight. The last time you tried to get in between a verbal argument you lost your friend and Marlene's perfectly capable of protecting herself.

"Excuse me?" she deathly whispers. Marlene has never had a boyfriend, Merlin knows that has had plenty of offers but her interest has been solely on Sirius Black since the end of 5th year. Why the girl has never had a boyfriend before, I mean even I have beaten her in that regard! It's beyond me, she's beautiful and has a killer personality, but I guess she just likes Sirius because she can't have him. I mean, we've all be there before.

"You heard me!" Don't draw your wand Lily, don't blast him to smithereens.

"Well you stupid, loathsome, egotistical-" James jumps and looks at me to see if I was the one ranting, but oddly looks irritated when he spies the scene in motion.

"That's my line!" I say in attempt to lighten the mood, and Namie sends me a pitying look. James rolls his eyes and starts leaning in the bench he transfigured into the leaning, spiny chair (like the Godfather) so he could look exceedingly arrogant and uncaring about the entire enactment. I hate you, you delicious hunk a man!

"God you're both stupider than shit," James growls and head-slaps Sirius. "Grow a pair and be gentlemanly." He turns to Marley with a hard stare. "Don't be so pms-y; boys are stupid sots we don't know what we did most of the time so don't be so sensitive when he fucks up!" The entire class is silent, aside from Slughorn whose ears are stilled muffed, but you could have heard a pin drop. I hide a smile and ignore James' wink.

The rest of the class passed by in a blur so I could not even feel my toes; Marley was upset and Namie was enthralled by her shoes, so I just strutted to lunch, virtually by myself if you don't count the zombie sidekicks.

"Oi, Evans!" I turn expecting him, but instead it is Amos Diggory with his signature, Potter-like swagger and careless smile. "H-How are you?" I'm confused. He's taller with wavy blond hair and gray eyes, his muscles are Quidditch toned from being captain and he's a 7th year with enough brains to fill a thimble, you know with it dripping out of the minute holes.

"Um, fine, I suppose," I chuckle uncomfortably. "How's Hufflepuff?" He waves this off.

"Hey, do you like Quidditch?" I titter, I hate flying. I also don't enjoy straddling that uncomfortable broom handle while James Potter shows off swooping and doing aerial flips while I nearly fall off.

"No, not really I'm scared of he-"

"Great! Meet me at the pitch at eight, and I'll fly you around on my broom," he saunters off leaving me lost in the amassing sea of students. I'm dumbfounded and I fear that the boy might have had to many bludgers to the head.

"What in the name of Merlin just happened?" I wonder weakly.

"You've just been asked out," Remus says, amused behind me. "Boys just seem to make today difficult for you - sorry I didn't help and castrate him or them." I laugh and pat his arm sympathetically.

"No, no. Marlene and Sirius fight every other day; when they're _not _fighting is when I need your help." He smiles softly.

"No, I mean before that, after Slughorn said you should be in Slytherin." _I'm still confused_!

"What?"

"Oh c'mon Lily, the only other person I have ever seen with that soppy look on their face is James when he looks at you, now you look at him this way and expect no one to notice? I'm not daft Lily, I may be a bloke but I do have eyes." My breath hitches in my chest and my mind flashes back to the Summer, when I could trust people when men were not the enemy. Caleb ruined me, and now I can't see anything but violence in any guy who's interested in me.

I'm scared; I'm not the girl I used to be. Snape and then Caleb changed me and I can't do anything about it. Oh wait, I can do something! I can do what I do best.

I can run.


	2. Chapter 2

THANK YOU LOVELY REVIEWERS YOU'RE SPECTACULAR, I LOVE MY BETA MaraudersLiveOnAsAnimagus, WITHOUT WHOM THIS STORY WOULD BE AWFUL!

This chapter is a series of snippets from James about his summer - note how differently he thinks than Lily. James (only time you will have his POV) summer after the Snape incident

**JUNE**

My hands are still bloody and the tears from the mongrel burn in the cuts. Stupid asshole I tried to save her, save you, I saved both of your faces. How do you think Voldemort would have reacted if you stayed friends with her? Easy, killed the lot and I would lose everyth-

Stupid asshole.

Namie and Marlene are currently looking murderous outside of my room while I pace up and down hoping, begging, pleading for a different outlook on this mucky situation. Of course, I had to destroy the girl's best friendship in the entire world and, of course, it had to be in public so I look like a complete arse for the entirety of my school career. Not that I mind, of course, but it's not good. Namie is the one I should be scared of, but I've felt her slaps before so I know I'll recover in a week tops. But Marlene, with her frightening heels, which have plunged a hole into many a boy's foot when she stomps and stalks away. The Stomper Stalker is her nickname, but right now would not be the best time to tell her that.

"The invisibility cloak!" I sprint to the trunk and there it lay, beautiful and silvery like my own personal Jesus. "Thank Merlin!"

"Prongs, mate," the irritating whine of Pettigrew emanated from his curtain withdrawn cubicle. "Namie looked pretty scary last I checked!" A blind nargle would frighten you, Peter.

"Think nothing of it, dear Wormtail, for I have a plan!" Sirius cries nobly, running around looking claustrophobic with his long hair streaming from the constant motion. Remus just sits on his bed looking amused but decidedly uncooperative as if he'd never pissed off some girl _and _is inclined to blame the entire incident on me!

"Well it was a dung thing to do Prongs," Remus supplies.

"Shut up Moony," Me and Sirius say in perfect mimic. "Negativity is not what is needed, lemme think!" Sirius orders and the room falls silent, besides my incessant scrabbling inside my trunk.

"Aha!" Throughout the rest of the day, I hid from those two as if they were my personal stalkers [trust me I've had many] enough to know the symptoms; wanting to kill me and with wilting, unsatisfied growly faces. The map kept me away from them and thus from harm, until after breakfast to board the train.

In the meantime I tried not to think of Evans the entire time but to no avail, the lousy, beautiful girl. God damn how much I hated liking her but she must never know that, never ever know that I truly, incandescently, am in like with her! Stupid, stupid, stupid – what about the Marauders' Code? Never fall for a bird not even a spectacular one like Evans, Merlin I couldn't even call the girl by her first name. We board the Hogwart's Express (me ducking behind every pillar so neither bird sees me) and fling ourselves into compartments.

After many an hour of merry making and mischief, we feel the train slow to an incandescent stop.

"Potty we're here!" Sirius sang, practically bouncing up and down on the cushions and peering out the windows to our parents. They waved jollily, good dad with his black hair and mustache and mum with her poised silver hair – wait silver? Since when has her hair been silver? "POTTYS!" Sirius screams like a little kid at Christmas, practically throwing himself into their arms and simpering madly so the entire station stares at us.

The ride back to Godric's Hollow was nothing short of a nightmare with giddy Sirius having a girl session with mum, and dad snorting and adding snarky comments here or there but I just sat. "And then she just fell off the bed!" Sirius roars and mum giggles like a teenager while dad chortles at their antics.

"Oh, Black, what are we to do with you?" he asks in his thick French accent, Sirius shrugs and curls up to sleep against mum's shoulder. Dad's the only one who's allowed to call Sirius by his surname – then again, Dad can get away with anything including subjecting me to these torturous car rides. "The ministry wants us to bond as a family," he always says, since the ministry is God according to him. "The ministry wants you to finishes that toast, James!" he would say, or, "The ministry received a rather awful note explaining how you blew up several toilets and scrawled 'Evans' on the wall with red err something."

"How is Miss Evans, James?" Dad asked in a moment of mind numbing, stupefying occlumency. "Miss her yet?" I don't respond but let it fall to heavy silence with Sirius' snoring and mum's gentle nods lulling me back to that familiar sense of family. "Hahah, I understand." Dad says after a while, "But I do know a thing or two about girls so if you ever need help, the Ministry would be glad to do anything." Ugh it's good to be back. "_CHEZ MOI_!"

My house, erm, _mansion_ is huge enough to fit several muggle planes in the kitchen/dining room area but luckily we only have two. I'm just playing with you, we wouldn't toy with such silly things. Mum coughs in her dream.

"I want a motorcycle," Sirius blurts out suddenly. "I want it to fly," he says childishly. Damn, I thought he was asleep.

"The Ministry wouldn't like it if you broke windows with a contraption such as that."

BOOM

I pace in my room, willing Evans to respond to my letters, but why should she? I did destroy a lot of things in her life, as I have listed in her letter. Things ranging from Snape and down to her favorite scarf, to perhaps one of her many miscellany potions essays. I suppose this was sort of a habit whenever I was with Evans, so Remus nicknamed her The Hellfire since everything burned in our path when we got into one of those delightful, heated arguments. Wincing, I knew I would spend the rest of the week staring out the window willing for my black owl Eros to break through the night like a ninja.

BOOM 

I could have any blasted girl I want, and I'm stuck wanting her! Sirius insists on slapping me hard every morning since I look too 'dopy' and I said that sounded fun, so he forced me to watch this horrible muggle thing called a movie. Snow White and the Seven Freaking Dwarves is the ultimate most terrifying thing since they invented hell and now I am frightened of apples, coal miners, and girls who sing. Like ew! Who would kiss a girl in a coffin, like really? Who does that sort of dung?

"MES FILS ALLER-ICI!" Ew, more family bonding. We go for lunch at some of my father's horrible relatives' castles in Kent while I flirt unsteadily with one of the maids since there is nothing else to do and all the house elves had died.

"Je m'appelle Marie," she says breathless from our makeout session. She's brunette with mud colored eyes and a curvaceous body, with a wedding ring.

"Shhhh, ne parles pas!" I order, my mouth pink from her lipstick. I cover her again, but I push her away when my cousin Demetri opens our cupboard door.

"MUMMY JAMESIE IS KISSING THE MAID!" shit, I sprint to the lavatories and mirror Sirius for help – he's doing things with one of the cousins – probably somehow incest, but one can never be too choosy in certain circumstances.

"SIRIUS!" I bellow my voice echoing across the lake-like tub, "Mayday! HELLO!" no answer. Just great.

The Ministry was not pleased to be interrupted during teatime.

BOOM

Remus and Peter are coming to stay here with us for a while, while we look for a flat for Sirius because he does not want to be a 'burden upon your lovely lives, like a pimple – no, like a cancer!' His uncle left him money, and thus left him a new a start and I could not be happier – bullshit I will totally miss him, yet his stupid tidings will come hourly by the mail and I can go to him wherever he is. Merlin it sounds as if he's Romeo and I'm Juliet, ew.

Dad has threatened to castrate me since the Marie Incident as it is now dubbed, and wishes me to call upon that 'lovely Lily Evans' once more.

"Prongs, she wasn't even that hot! We got into so much shit – for passable, decent looking girls! Not great looking girls – DECENT!" I felt kind of bad for my cousin, but then again, she did make me eat dirt when I was four so she could live without my pity.

Later, we were looking at a flat that had an excellent view of the Ladies' Room from a nearby bar.

"Excellent," we say in perfect mimic. Remus agrees, while Peter is quite at a loss why we would want to have a view of a girl's lavatory – we had to head slap him.

The flat is miniscule with barely any windows, nor doors, and has a tiny kitchen/bedroom/dining/living area with a bathroom attached somewhere beneath all of the motorcycle posters. "Just like at Grimmauld Place," he grins and for once I don't know what Sirius means. Of course there are lady posters but I don't think the in-love with me Evans in my brain would appreciate it, so I try to shield my virgin eyes.

BOOM 

The Ministry was going off to war, in a sense that he was being called for a mission, and mum too with her newly acquired silver hair.

"T'is only for a space," she calls after me when the bus is ready. They have to pass for Muggles but somehow I doubt Dad's bowler hat will help. Especially with its matching smoking jacket. I must look dreamy and thus the family has nicknamed it, 'the Evan's look'.

"THE MINISTRY WOULD NOT LIKE TO BE MADE A GRANDPA TOO SOON, JAMES!" and they were off.

"Master James!" our house-elf Boozle squeaks adorably, "an owl for you!"

_Potter, _

_Why in God's name you're writing to me I've no idea, but to answer your question, no I do not hate you. Meet my owl Calypso by the way, yours seems to like her immensely and will not leave her be – rather like his master, don't you say? _

_Evans_

I, of course, being disappointed by the shortness of the letter, decided to schmooze off the depression with booze and Quidditch.

I hope Lily doesn't find out about the Snape Incident, I mean the other one.

PRESENT TIME:

The Marauders seem mutinous and Slughorn assigns us a boring potion to brew - which I finish almost gleefully. However, to everyone else Potions is entirely monotonous today from what I can tell by Namie's facial expressions and Marlene's snoring, so I reread the letters from my family until the words are burnt into my brain.

_Dear Lillian, _

_No of course I don't want you in my wedding, Laci's going to be my maid of honor. Don't contact me. _

_Petunia Evelyn Soon-to-be-Dursley _

Bitch. Laci's your imaginary friend who I killed when we were four, get a grip on yourself. I bet she'll end up saying Laci was in a car crash or something and have Vernon's horrible sister Marge 'fill-in,' what a poser. I attempt not to let her rejection wash over me, I mean the girl wants a bleeding imaginary friend rather than her own sister at her wedding but I don't have the energy to fight for her anymore. Petunia doesn't want a relationship with me? Fine, she's burnt all the bridges and laughed at all of my battles - I'm done with people who treat me like dung.

Caleb would laugh at me.

'_Don't contact me_,' am I like Petunia? I remember Caleb writing me letters in muggle post after our breakup and finally I wrote those three words in all caps so he would leave me alone. Is it my fault that he cheated? Is it my fault that I'm not pretty enough, or woman enough or - **no**, get a grip.

I didn't have the energy since Caleb, to fight for people since they always disappoint, nobody ever changes, no one ever cares. Why should they? I'm nothing, Caleb taught me that, perhaps that's why I refuse Potter, even now. Of course he stopped asking me out last year and not that I miss it or anything, but why should even 'loathsome' Potter care about me? If he got too close he'd find out the real me and not like me anymore and leave or cheat on me and I can't handle another Caleb. I can't, I won't do that to myself - better to break his heart than allow him disappointment from the girl he placed on pedestals.

He's too noble, too carefree, to open and happy, and undamaged to be with me. Let him find true happiness in someone else, let him remain whole and leave you broken - rather one person broken than two, right?

_Dear Lily, _

_Of course Pet wants you in her wedding! It's just that Vernon's parents want a small affair and want all of the cousins (this family breeds like rabbits, honestly!) to be in it somehow so Petunia only can choose one friend to be a maid of honor. I wish you could be here and help with the craziness and hug me when I feel like ripping Pet's head off, which is often I assure you! Your father says to say things like this aren't healthy (silly man) but I do miss you like none other! _

_How's the Potter boy you're in love with? Please Lily, I'm your mother I know you like him from instinct and experience – not that I'm old or anything! Is he still hot? I've seen pictures of him within the pictures of you and your friends, he's the one making faces remember? Your father says if you want, he can throttle the boy with one hand tied behind his back (whose hand/back I have no idea) and thus I remind him that anger is not something healthy to act on and he growls. _

_Come home soon! And are you sure that you don't want to come home for the holidays? You can bring whomever you want, please I'm begging you. _

_Lily Marie. _

_Come home! _

_Love, _

_Mum _

I bet you think I was kidding about Laci. I'm not.

XOXO

Hope you enjoyed it!


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Harry Potter