Katekyo Hitman Reborn! 1. It All Started With a Sandwich

*** Do It Like a Dude***

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

**It All Started With a Sandwich**

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><p>Life can't get any worse.<p>

I tell that to myself every day.

Funny thing. It did.

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><p>It all started with a sandwich. A simple, stupid, mother<em>TRIPPIN'<em> sandwich.

And seriously, that bitch wasn't even egg salad.

It was lunchtime, which meant I could get out of my godforsaken classroom and go eat lunch somewhere else, preferably outside. The weather was nice and warm, it was the start of a new school year, and I was a second year.

Which meant I only needed to survive two more years of Hibari Kyoya and the disciplinary committee before I could finally be free.

Honestly, Namichuu is the weirdest place imaginable. Am I REALLY the only one who notices that no-good Sawada Tsunayoshi guy appearing with random injuries?

Or that every so often we have a substitute teacher who looks WAY too young? Practically...babylike, if I'm so bold as to say?

How could everyone just IGNORE it? Seriously. That baby-teacher-thing threw a freaking bomb at a couple of kids during parents day and nobody batted an eyelash. And I was sitting there in the middle row going all "_DA FUCK?_"

Actually, Tsuna was doing that too, and that was probably the only time we ever thought alike.

But anyway. Tsuna was a strange guy. Him and his friends, that Gokudera Hayato and Yamamoto Takeshi.

I mean, sure they were popular and good-looking, but honestly...DID NO ONE SEE WHAT I WAS SEEING? It was just too suspicious! Everything weird always seems to be centered around Tsuna!

And I swear to god, Gokudera calls him "Juudaime"! JUUDAIME! What the heck is Tsuna the Juudaime OF? And they're always going on about mafia or gangs or something like that when they think no one's paying attention.

Which no one does, except for me. Because I notice these things.

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><p>Anyway, I had just dodged past that weird Longchamp guy and another one of his fugly girlfriends before I found peace and quiet in the emergency stairwell that led to the roof. I headed up there wearily. Peace and quiet. Peace and quiet.<p>

Oh, damn! What if Hibari was there? Everyone knew he occasionally took naps on the roof. But he shouldn't be...it wouldn't hurt to check, would it?

I entered the roof and looked around. No sign of that guy anywhere. Nor his strangely adorable bird-thing. I breathed a sigh of relief and headed over to find a comfortable spot to sit on.

Finding nothing, I decided to turn around and head to the other side of the roof to find another place.

That's when it happened.

Without even paying attention, I turned around a corner and immediately tripped on something, falling flat on my face and landing heavily on something that was definitely NOT the flat ground.

"Owch, dammit! That hurts! Shit!" I yelped. Then I froze.

"Herbivore….."

Chills ran down my spine. Oh shit oh shit oh SHIT. That was Hibari Kyoya. Who was sitting on the other side of the roof. Who I just bumped into.

And oh SHIT he was eating a lunch. Wait…..demons can eat?

He narrowed his icy cold eyes at me. "Herbivore, you just made me drop my lunch."

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

I looked down. There it was. A sandwich, only one bite taken out of it, lying like a dead body on the ground nearby, its contents strewn everywhere like evidence in a murder scene.

I gulped.

He slowly rose to his feet. "For disrupting the peace of Namimori, and for disrupting MY peace, and for ruining my lunch..." Steel tonfas snapped into his hand out of nowhere, and he raised them threateningly. "...I will now bite you to death."

"GYAAAAH!" I yelled, struggling to my feet. He advanced upon me, and I swear to god, that creep looked like he was enjoying this WAY too much! As panic overtook me, I scrabbled backwards in an attempt to get away.

Just as he was about to land a blow on me, I threw my hands in front of my face and yelled out, "W-wait! Wait!"

He paused. "What do you want, herbivore?"

"P-please spare me! I-I didn't mean to, you know, bother you! I just wanted to find a place to e-eat my lunch! Y-you can have my lunch instead, if you w-want!" I said desperately. This was severely ruining my pride, but in the presence of Hibari Kyoya, _you have no pride_.

Unless you have a death wish, of course.

"I refuse. You ruined MY lunch, and for that, herbivore, I will bite you to death." He swung those deadly tonfas at me and I yelped and rolled to the side in a split second to avoid extreme pain.

"I'm r-really sorry! Please! I'll do anything!" I yelled out in fright.

And, to my shock...he actually lowered his tonfas. "Actually, now that I think about it..."

He stared at me, his eyes glittering with barely-concealed malice. "...I really should bite a herbivore like you to death, but I am running low on subordinates for the disciplinary committee."

He paused, then put away his tonfas. As I stared at him in disbelief, he stared at me with his cold eyes. "Your name, herbivore?"

What was the point in asking that, considering he called everybody herbivore anyways? "M-Mitarashi Ari…."

"You are now my assistant and slave, herbivore. You will come find me when you report to your duties after school. That is all. If you dare try to run, I will bite you to death."

Then he disappeared. And, even though I was scared out of my mind, I had to admit he looked totally badass.

But I was still scared out of my mind.

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><p>"Are you okay, Ari-kun? You look a bit pale..." The school idol Sasagawa Kyoko asked, looking at me in concern.<p>

"I'm fine, Kyoko-chan, I just...er...am not feeling well." I lied quickly. No need to let the school idol get all worked up over me. It would just cause me trouble.

As soon as Kyoko was out of earshot, her friend Hana turned to me. "So, Ari-kun...have a deal with the devil?" Damn, that girl was smart. Nothing could get past her sharp eyes.

I groaned and banged my forehead onto my desk "You have no idea."

"E-eehhh?" Tsuna suddenly turned around and gulped from a seat beside me. "Ari-san, what did you do to make Hibari-san so mad at you?"

"I - er - bumped into him and ruined his lunch." I stammered, feeling really lame. Luckily, Tsuna was lame too so he just gave me a sympathetic look. That was nice of him.

Gokudera (who was leaning on Tsuna's desk during their conversation) looked shocked. "Demons can eat?"

"Exactly what I said, bro." I held up my hand for a high-five, and even though Gokudera looked suspicious and slightly embarrassed, he returned it.

"Haha, Gokudera, I didn't know you high-fived people!" Yamamoto laughed, as carefree as ever.

"S-shut up, baseball freak!" Gokudera scowled.

"Are these guys always this riled up?" I asked a freaked-out Tsuna. It's been a while since we've talked.

"Y-yeah, you kind of get used to it after a while." Tsuna laughed shakily.

I smiled a little bit. Maybe I made some new friends today. Tsuna was actually kind of nice for someone who's 'No-Good', Gokudera was tough as usual but he seemed to find me interesting enough, and Yamamoto was...well, Yamamoto.

Maybe they did become my friends.

Or we're just classmates that realized the world is shitty and kind of dangerous.

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><p>After school I walked over to Reception Room with a nervous heart. I was certain that sooner or later Hibari will just get tired of seeing my face and will 'bite me to death' anyways, assistant or not.<p>

I stood in front of the door, hesitating between knocking on the door or running away. But then again, Hibari said he'd bite me to death if I did…

A voice from behind the door made me nearly jump out of my skin. "I know you're outside, herbivore."

Shivering (how the HELL did he know, anyway?), I opened the door and walked inside. I had to admit, the Reception Room was stylish - it had a black theme to it, with curtains and a leather couch and a rug all in that colour. It looked modern.

All thoughts flew out the window once I saw Hibari Kyoya sitting at a desk, doing paperwork.

"Sit, herbivore," He ordered me. I saw another (smaller) desk off in the corner. It was very bare, with only two trays on its surface - OUT and IN trays. I hesitantly moved over and sat down. Silence.

"So, um…" I gulped when he shot me an irritated glare. "Do I…er…do something when I'm here?"

I flinched and nearly ducked under the desk when he stood up. Then he grabbed a stack of papers from one of the two trays on his desk and walked over to me. He dropped them into the IN tray.

"My subordinates have hideous handwriting," He said in his quiet, dangerous voice. "Whenever I look at their writing, I have the urge to bite things to death." I gulped again. "Rewrite these on another sheet of paper and return them to me. You are forbidden to leave until you are finished."

"Y-yes, sir!" I squeaked, grabbing the paper at the top of the stack and sliding it over to me. I picked up a pen and winced. Hibari was right - the writing was practically scribbles, done hastily and messily.

I squinted at the words and began to copy it down: _Jiromiya Hiroki: 1__st__ Year, Class 4._

Or was it _Miyekago Kuroji: 1__st__ Year, Class 9_?

God, no wonder Hibari said he wanted to bite things to death when he saw this paperwork. I actually agreed wholeheartedly. I wanted to find whichever subordinate wrote this and slap him. He was just making the world suffer with his ugly handwriting.

_Crime: Littering on school grounds_

Seriously? Littering? That was a crime? I rolled my eyes, shot a quick glance at Hibari (to make sure he didn't see) and retuned to my work.

_Punishment: Disciplinary Committee beating_

Ick, I could practically imagine it. Three of Hibari's thugs - I don't care if they're 'subordinates' or 'Disciplinary Committee officers', they are thugs through and through - cornering the poor student in a dark alleyway, not leaving until they were certain the kid learned his 'lesson'.

Okay, one done. And, like, forty more to go. Sigh.

The writing continued for about thirty more minutes. Then I saw a sheet that caught my eye.

_Suo Ginosuke: 3__rd__ Year, Class 1_

_Crime: Spray-painting graffiti on school walls_

Now, THAT was a crime. The ones I was rewriting before were all stupid things like sticking gum to the underside of a desk (how did Hibari even know it was that poor sap anyway?), sliding down the stairs on the banister, or (and this must have been when Hibari was in a bad mood) laughing too loudly in the Disciplinary Committee leader's presence.

_Punishment:_

At this, I held my breath. It was obvious even the guy who wrote this was scared, as his writing got shaky and even more messy.

_Bitten to death, sent to hospital (has yet to return)_

Ouch. Hibari must have been so furious he bit that guy to death…literally. Normally, Hibari would just give them a little beating, put a few bruises on their face, give them a black eye…if he was in a REALLY bad mood, he would probably make it so they couldn't walk without a limp for a couple of days.

But to send him to a hospital? Hibari must have been really, really mad.

But in a way, it was totally that guy's fault.

"Herbivore."

I yelped a little and jumped in my seat. I looked up to see Hibari glaring at me. "Y-yes?" I squeaked.

"You aren't writing anything."

"Oops, s-sorry!" Ah, I was sitting there just staring into space. I grabbed my pen and began to copy it down.

"Did you have a problem with what was written on there?"

I shivered, he still wouldn't stop glaring at me. "N-no…" I said meekly, but forced myself to raise my voice a little bit. "I-I just got lost in thought when I r-read this."

Hibari narrowed his eyes slightly. "Why?"

"W-well, this guy got sent to the hospital b-by y-you for spray-painting on the school w-walls…"

"And?"

"And…" I gulped and said in a slightly smaller voice. "I just th-thought he d-deserved w-what he did."

At this, I could have sworn Hibari's eyes widened slightly. There was a long silence: him, just staring at me with those glinting, animalistic eyes, looking fearsome and powerful; me, fiddling with the hem of my shirt, squirming under his stare and trying not to fidget at the same time.

Then he said, ever so quietly, "What makes you think that, herbivore?"

"B-because he was stupid enough to do that, a-and it's obvious this school means so m-much to you…so he w-was stupid to vandalize your p-property, t-that's all."

Hibari looked at me some more, then looked back at his own paperwork. I took that as a sign to grab my pen again and continue writing. I suddenly felt desperate to escape this room.

Finally, an hour or two later (how could I explain this to my mom?), I stood up wearily, wincing at the soreness in my legs, and moved to quietly place them on the edge of his desk.

"Give them to me, herbivore," He commanded. I nodded quickly and gave them straight to him. The minute I was sure his hands closed around the papers, I immediately retracted my hands and linked them behind me, fidgeting again.

"You are free to leave," He said, not even looking at me anymore. I bowed to him and made a quick beeline to the door.

Just two steps towards freedom he suddenly spoke up again.

"Herbivore…keep an eye out for any wrongdoers. Report them to me. Return to the Reception Room after school tomorrow. Fail to do any of this and you will be bitten to death. That is all."

I leaped the rest of the way towards the door and wrenched it open. Before I closed it, I suddenly felt the urge to be polite. I tuned back to the scary boy sitting at the desk and said quietly, "Have a good day, Hibari-san."

I could have sworn that he looked up when I was closing the door. But that was probably me hyperventilating.

"Whew," I breathed a sigh of relief, dashing out of the school (thank GOD he didn't see me, or I would have been punished). I was free!

Honestly, being around him gave me the creeps. And not just because he was scary as the demon lord himself, or that I nearly got beaten up by him a few hours ago.

No, it was because I was breaking a rule I was SURE to get punished for, whether I was his new assistant or not.

I was wearing the wrong uniform.

I looked down at my uniform - the pants, shirt, tie, jacket, boy's uniform, really - and sighed.

My name is Mitarashi Ari, my full name being Arisa. I am secretly a girl.

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><p><strong>Otaku-chama: Okay, seriously, some days I have to ask myself: Why do I keep on writing new stories and not bothering to update them?<strong>

**Well, I do update them, it just takes a while. Because I have SO MANY STORIES TO UPDATE.**

**But whatever, I just couldn't resist writing this XD**

**Loves to all Hibari-fans! Yeah, my OC is the classic crossdresser, except for two different things: **

**1) Unlike the overused Ouran-High-School-Host-Club shtick where the crossdresser is super cute and girly and the normal, sane people think "You're either a girl or you're a gay transvestite, how do people NOT see this?", my OC, Ari, looks and acts like a boy.**

**2) She is NOT a Mary-Sue. She has her strengths and weaknesses, she is NOT based after me so it isn't one of those stories where the fangirl puts herself into the story and hooks herself up with her favourite hottie character.**

**I mean, YES, she is an OC, and YES, she will obviously get paired up with Hibari in the future, you wouldn't be reading this if there wasn't any romance, right?**

**Once again, Ari is NOT based after me: I am not a crossdresser, first of all, and Hibari isn't even my favourite character. He's just fun to write about.**

**So there won't be any love-at-first-sight crap. Because Hibari does NOT fall in love with herbivores...yet. ;)**


	2. Mafia Men

Chapter 2: Mafia Men

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><p>Rumours had spread the instant I came to school the next day. Somehow, people managed to find out I had accidentally ruined Hibari Kyoya's lunch, and the fact I was walking to school without a single bruise on my body or a limp in my walk made everyone talk.<p>

"How did he do it?"

"That's Mitarashi Ari-kun, right? That second-year?"

"How on earth did he manage to get away from Hibari Kyoya?"

"Maybe he sold his soul…"

I shivered when I heard that. Boy, did they have no idea.

I saw a tuft of fluffy brown hair in the crowds of students heading to the school building, which I soon found out belonged to Sawada Tsunayoshi.

"Ah, Tsuna!" I called out as cheerfully as I could. Tsuna turned to me and his eyes grew wide with relief.

"Ari-kun! Oh, thank god, you're alive!" He called out breathlessly. I felt myself choke slightly at the back of my throat. Tsuna was so _cute_, like a little bunny rabbit.

I forced my girl hormones back down to wherever they're from (I don't really pay attention in health class…oh, no, wait, hormones are in the brain, aren't they? Ah, shit). If I started to squeal and treat Tsuna like the little shota-boy he is, people would definitely start thinking I'm gay. Or a pedophile. But whatever.

"It's alright, I'm perfectly fine!" I smiled, gesturing to myself.

"Che, how did you manage to survive?" Gokudera said incredulously.

"I made a deal with the devil," I answered smoothly. Everyone flinched at my words, even Yamamoto, but that may have just been because dust got into his eye or something. Yamamoto doesn't seem scared of anyone, even Hibari.

"W-what do you have to do for him, Ari-kun?" Tsuna asked, his eyes going all wide and scared and shota-like.

"I'm his assistant," _and slave_, but I decided not to put that last part. "I have to report anyone who breaks the rules to him, and do paperwork for him, that kind of stuff."

Tsuna seemed to relax slightly. "O-oh, that's good…not as bad as I was expecting…"

"Yeah, me too." I said honestly. "Yesterday, all I had to do was rewrite some paperwork because he doesn't like his subordinates' handwriting or something. I had to copy down page after page of the different people he's bitten to death for, what, two hours? It was horrible -"

"Classes are starting in two minutes," came a dark voice from behind us. Everybody within a thirty-foot radius stiffened, glanced at the demon standing behind me, and scattered. Within seconds, the school grounds were deserted.

"If you are late for class, I will bite you to death." Hibari said to Tsuna and his friends.

"H-hiiieee! Y-yes, Hibari-san!" Tsuna quickly rushed into the school, shooting me a worried glance. Gokudera and Yamamoto tagged along behind him.

Hibari turned to fix his dark, evil glare on me. I felt myself subconsciously straighten up. "Y-yes, Hibari-san?"

"Go to class. You may be my assistant, but I will not tolerate you getting relaxed over the rules. I expect you to find rule-breaking herbivores and report them to me, understand?"

I nodded my head vigorously. "Yup, sure thing. Understood 100%, A-okay!"

Hibari narrowed his eyes at me, shutting me up with just a glare. "Go to class."

"Ah, r-right!" I bowed quickly. "See you later, Hibari-san!" Then I rushed into the building.

God dammit, that guy scares the shit out of me!

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><p>Whispers immediately started up the second I was inside the classroom. Honestly, how many rumours can they make up?<p>

I actually wondered if they considered making up a rumour about me being his sex slave or something. Then I remembered that I dressed up as a guy, and that would be impossible (unless some yaoi fangirl started it or something).

"Hey, Mitarashi, how did you manage to escape punishment?" Some obnoxious boy called out from the middle row. "Are you Hibari's slave or something?" This brought out snickers from the unsympathetic idiots scattered throughout the room.

Huh, guess I wasn't TOO far off. I was, technically, his slave. His slave for paperwork, that is.

I narrowed my eyes at the obnoxious boy and did my best Hibari imitation. "I have orders to report any rule-breakers I see. Do you _want_ to be reported for talking out of turn in class, herbivore?"

I must have done a better job than I thought, because the boy paled in fear and quickly ducked his head down, as did almost everyone else.

I slid into my seat next to Tsuna. "Did I scare everyone?"

"A-a little," Tsuna squeaked timidly beside me. "You looked a lot like H-Hibari-san a second there,"

"No worries," I said breezily, then smiled encouragingly at the shy boy. Honestly, Tsuna needed to grow a backbone, even if I totally approved of his shota-ness. "Seriously, Tsuna, I was just joking to scare the boy. I won't report you guys. Or at least, not you or your friends. You guys are cool."

Tsuna relaxed. "R-really?" He smiled in relief. "N-not that I want you to do that, I-I mean, you should do your job, right? J-just because we're friends doesn't mean you should m-make exceptions!" He sounded totally terrified when he said that, but I guess his sense of duty was bigger than his fear. Awww.

The teacher entered the classroom, and we all quietened down. About ten minutes into the history lecture, my mind began to wander. I stared out the window, which had a really great view of the school grounds below from the second floor.

The sky was so nice and blue. Sigh. If only I could be out there, on the roof or something, staring at the sky instead of sitting in here listening to that annoying old guy yammer on.

I turned around to see half of the class doing the same. Tsuna was staring out the window too, a dazed and sleepy expression on his face. Yamamoto was taking it to a whole new level by actually burying his head into his long arms and ACTUALLY SLEEPING.

Gokudera and Kyoko seemed to be good little students, diligently taking notes, although I had a feeling Gokudera was only doing it so he could give them to Tsuna later. I mean, that guy is a freaking genius, he didn't need to study for anything, he only did it because he wanted to be with Tsuna.

Hana was taking notes too, but she had an extremely bored expression on her face, and I had a feeling she was also doodling in-between the margins every few minutes or so.

I turned back to staring out at the sky. After a while, movement outside caught my eye, and my gaze lowered down to the school grounds. A flash of a flowing black coat caught my eye.

Hibari Kyoya had walked outside.

Feeling confident and safe from my spot up on the second floor (and there were like a gajillion windows, how could he see me?), I observed him without fearing those intense eyes landing on me.

Okay, I had to admit, when he looked peaceful (like now), he looked kind of good. I mean, he had nice dark hair, a cute nose, and if he smiled he would look kind of hot.

Oh, wait, scratch that - if he smiled, I would probably throw myself off a cliff. That's like if serial killers started to hand out candy to kids - no, even worse, if pedophiles did. It repulsed and horrified you at the same time, and your first thought would be to _RUN AWAY, LOCK YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS, HIDE YOUR CHILDREN._

So, never mind. Forget looking hot, Hibari Kyoya must never, EVER smile.

A sudden speck of bright yellow appeared, flying towards Hibari's outstretched hand. It was his adorable, fluffy, round bird-thing. I'm pretty sure I caught Tsuna calling it 'Hibird' or something at one point.

Hibird or whatever-it-was landed on Hibari's outstretched finger. With his other hand, Hibari calmly began to stroke its fluffy yellow feathers. Okay, that was tugging at my heartstrings. AWWWWW.

Then Hibari suddenly looked up. His eyes met with mine.

My eyes widened to practically twice its original size, and I had to bite my tongue to hold back the gasp that was threatening to come out of my mouth. _Oh my sweet baby Jesus, he saw me. He totally saw me. I'm dead._

I still couldn't look away. I felt like a little kid caught stealing from a cookie jar or something (although really, who had cookie jars these days?). I stared, horrified, at the demon.

Hibari glared at me. That look pointedly said, _"Pay attention in class, herbivore, or I will bite you to death and feast on your herbivorous remains like the carnivore that I am._ Okay, so maybe he probably didn't mean that last part. But you get it.

I quickly turned back to stare at the front of the class, unable to get rid of the tickling sensation all the way down my back. Chills.

I didn't move until I felt the chills slowly disappear. Then I snuck a peek at the grounds. Oh, thank god, he was gone.

Then I looked at a tree branch and saw Hibird, the cute yellow fluffy bird-thing, perched on the branch and staring resolutely at me.

_OH MY GOD, HE SENT HIS BIRD TO SPY ON ME._

This was the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. And honestly, if the demon can control animals, we're all doomed. Especially if they're cute and fluffy.

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><p>It was lunch time. I was walking up to the school roof (because really, I don't give a crap if Hibari sleeps there, if I want to eat there I goddamn WILL eat up there!) when I saw a couple of boys laughing and chatting as they walked towards their classroom, carelessly tossing a crumpled-up piece of paper onto the ground.<p>

"Hey!" I yelped, walking towards them. "You can't just throw that anywhere!"

The boy turned to glare at me. I gulped. Oh, gosh. Third-years. "Oh, really? And whatcha going to do about it?" He sneered at me.

I took a deep breath. "I am Hibari Kyoya's assistant, and it's my job to report any rule-breakers to him. I don't want to see anyone get hurt, so can you please throw it out and we can go on our way?" I mean, seriously. There was a garbage can like five feet away from him.

The boy raised an eyebrow, his friends sniggering and shooting me dirty looks. I forced myself to keep my chin up and stare back at him. "Well, what the Disciplinary Committee leader doesn't know won't hurt anyone. You could just pretend you didn't see this and we can go on our way," He argued back.

It was true. In this school, everyone was an enemy against Hibari. I should just pretend I saw nothing. But, all the same…this was Hibari's school.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." I said, forcing my voice to stay even. "Please pick up your garbage, or I will report you to Hibari-san for littering."

The boy glared at me. He took a step forward threateningly, causing me to shuffle backwards a bit. "Now, listen here, you little menace. I ought to smack you into next week! You should treat your sempais with more respect…"

Oh god. This is what I get for trying to defend the devil. I was going to get beat up, girl or not, because SHIT, that's right, I'm currently a 'boy'.

The boy and his friends surrounded me. I heard a few girls nearby scream, and I distinctly made out Kyoko's voice yelling out, "Please, leave Ari-kun alone!"

_Oh god, where is that dynamite-flinging Gokudera when you need him?_ I thought desperately. I flinched when he raised a fist towards me. The gang-beat was about to begin.

Suddenly, there was a shout of 'REBOOOOOOOOORN!', and Tsuna came hurtling towards me. That's right. _Tsuna_.

"PROTECT ARI-KUN WITH MY DYING WILL!" Tsuna yelled. He was making no sense at all. And - what the hell? - he was in his _underwear_.

"What the hell? Isn't this Dame-Tsuna?" The third-year snorted, turning to Tsuna instead. "No, Tsuna, get out of here!" I yelled, then froze. Wait a minute…was that…orange flames I saw on his forehead?

HOLY SHIT, HIS HAIR WAS ON FIRE!

Before I could voice out my thoughts, Tsuna dodged the boy's punches and knocked him out with one strike to the jaw. People began cheering.

Tsuna made quick work of the third-years, before grabbing my wrist and practically dragging me away.

"Get those bastards!" The third-year yelled, struggling back up to his feet.

"Che," The Tsuna-who-wasn't-actually-Tsuna-because-this-Tsuna-was-completely-batshit-insane-Tsuna grumbled, before wrapping two thin arms around me and jumping out a window. Yes, OUT A WINDOW.

Before I could even scream, Tsuna had landed softly and ninja-like on the ground, lowering me to the ground as well. Then the flames died down to nothing, leaving only a thin trail of black smoke. His eyes also turned to normal, before they looked super intense.

"H-hiieee! What the -?" He yelped in shock. "I-I'm so sorry, Ari-kun!" He bowed quickly, attempting to cover himself since he was wearing nothing but boxers, and I heard him muttering under his breath, "Oh man, how am I supposed to explain this?"

"Good work, Dame-Tsuna," A squeaky, baby-like voice said. Suddenly a baby appeared beside us, wearing a snazzy black suit and a fedora with a chameleon sitting serenely on the brim. He also had spectacular sideburns.

"R-Reborn, how could you?" Tsuna yelped. "That was so embarrassing!"

"So you would rather stand back and let those weaklings beat up your friend?" Reborn asked in all seriousness. Tsuna hesitated and then bowed his head in shame. "No…but why couldn't I use Hyper Dying Will Mode instead?"

"Because you didn't bring your gloves with you, which was what I _specifically told you to always carry with you no matter what!_" Reborn flew into the air and landed a perfect smack right onto Tsuna's face. "Owowowowow! What was that for?" Tsuna whined, caressing the injured cheek.

"Okay, can someone please explain something to me before I die of hyperventilation?" I said in a slightly high-pitched, stressed voice.

"First of all, _what the hell was that back there?_ Why were you in your underwear? How did you get so strong? Why was your forehead on fire? And also…WHY IS THAT BABY TALKING?" I pointed an accusatory finger at said baby. "He even schooled you! And what are you talking about? What Hyper Dying Will-whatever?"

Reborn frowned, looking serious again, and pulled at the brim of his fedora. "Seems like we have an observant one here…and how is it that you can see Dame-Tsuna's dying will flames?"

"Dying will…what?" I felt extremely confused. So much weird crap was happening. Then I recognized the baby. "Wait a minute…you're that Master Paopao guy, the one that shows up at the boxing club every now and then! And you're also that substitute teacher! What the hell?"

"Very well, let me explain everything to you." Tsuna looked freaked out. "R-Reborn, don't drag Ari-kun into this!"

Reborn ignored him spectacularly. "I am Reborn, Dame-Tsuna's home tutor. But really, that's just a cover. I am actually a hitman from Italy and I have been sent here by the Vongola Ninth to train Tsuna into becoming the Vongola mafia family's next boss."

There was a long silence. Reborn took that as a chance to continue.

"Oh, and those flames are dying will flames. Dame-Tsuna can get shot with a special bullet that makes him act temporarily to fulfil his last dying wish. However, he also has wool mittens that can transform into special gloves he uses to fight when he's in Hyper Dying Will Mode, which is an upgrade."

Longer silence. Tsuna looked nervous. "R-Reborn, I told you not to let Ari-kun know! I don't want you to drag my friends into this mess!" He turned to me. "A-Ari-kun? Are you okay? You haven't said a word. R-Reborn is just joking -"

"I am not," Reborn said, smacking Tsuna around the face again. "Ow!"

More silence.

Then I keeled over and fainted.

* * *

><p>When I woke up, I was - believe it or not - lying on the smooth leather couch that belonged in the Reception Room.<p>

"You're finally awake, herbivore."

I flinched and jumped at that voice. I turned around to find Hibari Kyoya sitting at his desk.

"What the…how did I get here…"

"Ciaossu!" Said a familiar squeaky voice. Reborn was sitting across from me on the coffee table. "Gah! Oh my god!" I attempted to crawl away, but Hibari said, "Sit down and listen to the baby, herbivore."

I immediately straightened up and did as he said. Since when did Hibari hold a baby in such high respects?

"Thank you, Hibari." Reborn turned to me. "Now that you know everything, you have no choice but to be accepted into the Vongola Tenth Generation Family."

"Vongola Tenth…what? Oh, wait, it all makes sense!" No wonder Gokudera calls Tsuna 'Juudaime'! "Does Gokudera know? And Yamamoto? And Kyoko and Hana?"

"Gokudera and Yamamoto are part of Dame-Tsuna's family. However, Dame-Tsuna put his foot down on letting his crush know the truth. He did manage to recruit her brother, Sasagawa Ryohei, though."

"B-but…why tell me all of that - that mafia stuff?" I had a splitting headache. "It's not like I can do anything…"

"You are Hibari Kyoya's assistant, it would have been natural for you to join our family anyway, considering he too is part of the family."

"EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHH?"

"I never agreed to that, baby." Hibari suddenly spoke up, his voice low and dangerous. "I never agreed to joining that herbivore's crowd."

"If you stay in Dame-Tsuna's family, you have a bigger chance of fighting with Rokudo Mukuro again." Reborn said. Hibari fell silent, which shocked me once again. Who was that Roku guy?

"Hmm, very well. I will consider it," Hibari said. Then he turned to me. "Herbivore, you have paperwork to do."

"E-eh? But I have class…" I looked up at the clock. "What? School's been over for twenty minutes already?"

"After you fainted, I got Hibari Kyoya to bring you to the Reception Room until you woke up." Reborn explained squeakily. "Now that this is settled, welcome to the family, Mitarashi." Then a hole opened up in the coffee table and he slid down and disappeared.

What.

The.

Hell.

"Herbivore," Hibari growled dangerously.

"Eep! Sorry sorry sorry!" I squealed, jumping up and almost running to my desk. I sighed as I sat down and glumly started on the pile of papers in my IN tray. Looks like fainting for half a day and having a huge headache from the information overload didn't stop the demon from giving me work to do.

And I never got to eat my lunch. I was hungry.

For the next few hours I worked through the papers. Then I paused and stared in mild surprise at the last sheet of paper I had to look over and rewrite.

It was the third-year boys that had attempted to beat me.

_Crime: Littering in the halls, starting a fight, attempting to injure member of the Disciplinary Committee_

_Punishment: Bitten to death_

Huh…

"Is there something wrong, herbivore?" Hibari's voice drifted into my thoughts.

"N-no, I'm fine!" I filled in the last sheet and handed the stack to him.

"Herbivore, why are you smiling?"

"Huh? Am I smiling? Ha ha…" I scratched sheepishly at my cheek. "Well then, I'm leaving. See you tomorrow, Hibari-san." I bowed quickly and left the room.

Looks like my life just got quite a bit more interesting…

* * *

><p><strong>Otaku-chama: So, how was this? :)<strong>

**Any questions, just put them in your review and I will try and answer them. If they're more personal or whatever, just PM me.**


	3. Italians, Mafia, Hitmen, Oh My!

Chapter 3: Italians, Mafia, Hitmen, Oh My!

* * *

><p>It's been a few days since I got into my slavery and my unwilling mafia trouble.<p>

Tsuna was extremely freaked out when I first told him I got accepted into the family.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry about this, Ari-kun! It's all my fault!" Tsuna began to stammer like an idiot. "I really didn't mean to…and that stupid Reborn! I told him time and time again I don't _want_ to be a mafia leader!"

"Hey, it's cool, Tsuna!" I said cheerfully, attempting to make him feel better. "It wasn't your fault at all. Reborn said I would have joined the fam anyway, since I'm Hibari's assistant. Besides, it could be pretty cool or something, I guess." The doubt was evident in my voice.

Tsuna made a face. "You don't have to do this. I can talk to Reborn for you…"

We fell silent as we both imagined how he would manage to convince Reborn to let me go. The image made us both cringe and shiver, then laugh at the same time.

"It's okay, really, Tsuna," I said, wiping away a few tears of laughter before composing myself again. "It'll be fine. Besides, we live in Japan. What could happen to us here?" I gave him a reassuring thumbs-up. Ever since he became one of my only friends, I've become pretty protective over him.

Everyone avoids me a lot now, ever since they realized I took my job as Hibari's secretary seriously. Especially those third-years that tried to beat me up. Whenever I catch a glimpse of them in the hallways, they see me and turn as white as a ghost before hightailing it the other way.

Okay…I'd be lying if I said I wasn't loving this.

Is this why Hibari enjoys scaring the shit out of people? Because it's fun seeing them scared?

OH MY GOD. I'm turning into Hibari.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled out loud, clutching at my head.

The classroom turned silent. Whoops. I yelled that out in the middle of a lesson.

The teacher's chalk finger twitched irritably. "Mitarashi…is there something you would like to share with us?"

I flinched and gave him my most serious, deadpan stare. "What are you talking about?"

The teacher's finger twitched so horribly the chalk snapped in half. "Perhaps you could reassemble your thoughts outside for a while," He hissed, a vein throbbing in his temple.

"Man, his face is turning purple," I heard someone whisper in amusement.

"Ya think Mitarashi's gonna use his power from the Disciplinary Committee to get out of punishment?" Someone whispered back.

I felt myself stiffen at those words. They thought I would use that power for personal use? Those bastards!

Just to prove my point, I stood up, pushed in my chair neatly, and walked out of the classroom as dignified as a recently-punished student could, my chin held up high. When a few students stared at me like _You're actually gonna do it?_ I turned to them, raised my eyebrow, and gave them my best _Adios, bitches_ look.

The second I was outside, though, I crumpled to the ground.

Oh my god, what if Hibari sees me? He'll know his secretary got punished! He already made it specifically clear already that if I slacked off in class, he'd bite me to death. He already got Hibird to spy on my whenever he didn't! OH GOD WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I was on my hands and knees in a typical OTL position, internally screaming in pain and misery, when I heard a voice say, "Herbivore."

I looked up slowly. Hibari was right in front of me, glaring at me with his usual I-am-so-disappointed-in-you-prepare-to-die-while-I-enjoy-every-last-second-of-it glare.

"…Why are you outside of your classroom?"

I returned to my OTL position. "I'm so sorry, Hibari-san! I got lost in my thoughts and accidentally said something out loud and the teacher got mad and sent me outside! I'm so sorry!"

"Herbivore…I thought I told you to pay attention in class?"

"YES YOU DID I'M SO SORRY!"

I flinched as I prepared myself for a thorough ass-beating courtesy of his tonfas.

Instead, his foot landed on my head, forcing me to bend lower and lower until I was practically worshipping the ground.

"Ow…"

"Don't make this mistake again, herbivore." He ground his foot into my head. Grind, grind, grind.

"Ow…yes, sir…ow, that hurts…"

Grind, grind, grind. He seemed to be enjoying it. Sadistic bastard.

"Hibari-san…" My voice sounded muffled from my face being squashed against the ground. Ick. Somebody needed to clean these floors properly. "If you push my head any further down I'll go straight through the floor."

Grind, grind grind. "Is that my problem, herbivore?"

Grind. Grind.

"Ouch…um, yes, because if that happens then the floor will be damaged…"

Grind. Pause.

"Hmmm…for once, you actually say something right, herbivore." Hibari removed his shoe from the crown of my head and I sat up, sighing in relief and rubbing the aching sore spot.

"Did I say you could sit up?" He said icily. "Sorry!" I squealed, quickly returning to my old worshipping position. That sadistic bastard was enjoying this too much.

"Any reports to me while you're here, herbivore?"

"Uhh, no…" I sniffed, then sneezed. "But someone needs to clean these floors properly. It's really gross down here."

"Hmmm…interesting." Hibari sounded amused. "You may wait until the teacher lets you in, herbivore."

I sat up with a sigh and got up slowly, wincing when my head started to pound. Great. I had the start of a headache coming up.

"Uhh, Hibari-san?"

"What is it?"

"Um…not to sound, uh, rude or anything like that, but…why aren't you in class?"

"I am making my rounds." He made it sound completely obvious.

"Uhhh….?"

Hibari sighed heavily, and when he spoke, a trace of impatience was in his voice. "I walk around the school and catch anybody who decided to find another way to pass school time such as resorting to illegal usage of pharmaceutics or human contact."

"Uhhhh?"

Another sigh, and this time he was really irritated. "It means, you stupid herbivore, that I am trying to catch anybody who is skipping, taking drugs, or making out when they should be in class. _Now do you understand_?"

His last words were so menacing, I gulped and shrunk back into the wall. "Y-yes, Hibari-san. Thank you for spending the time to explain it to me."

"I wonder why I do that," He mused to himself, looking thoughtful. He turned to glare intensely at me, as if trying to figure me out. I felt my heart skip a beat for a second. _What did he see?_

"Perhaps it's because I've never seen such neat handwriting before…"

And then he was gone, disappearing down the end of the hallway.

Oh man, he was scary. No wonder my heart was beating so fast. I thought he was going to kill me for a second there. No, even worse – I thought he was going to figure out I was a girl. If he keeps doing that…that _scrutinizing_ thing, my poor heart might not last through middle school…

* * *

><p>After school, I said goodbye to Tsuna and the others and headed towards the Reception Room. For some reason, I didn't feel as nervous. Oh my god, I was already getting used to this! No!<p>

I knocked on the door and hesitated, until I heard the smooth voice say "Come in, herbivore," on the other side.

Opening the door, I saw something was wrong immediately. Hibari was burying his face in his arms on the desk, instead of doing paperwork.

"Uhhh, Hibari-san…? Are you okay?"

"Shut the door, herbivore, you're bringing the light in." I closed the door immediately. It was completely dark in the room. Hibari had drawn all the curtains.

"Do your work, herbivore – and mine too." Without lifting his head, he pointed at my desk.

"You want me do to BOTH of our work?" I exclaimed in disbelief.

He lifted his head up slightly to glare at me. Even in the darkness, his eyes flashed brightly with irritation and they seemed to pierce through me. I shivered.

"…No problem, sir, was what I was going to say…no problem at all," I said meekly in a quiet voice.

Hibari nodded, sighing weakly. This was weird. Awkward. Unpleasant.

"Hibari-san…are you sick or something?"

"No, just tired," came the grumpy reply. His voice seemed rather hoarse, completely different from this morning.

"Hibari-san, I think you're sick. You should go to the nurse's office and check it out." Oh, no, wait…that really creepy pedophilic doctor refused to look after men. "Uh, maybe we should go to the hospital instead…?"

"No," came the sullen reply. "I just needs some sleep and quiet and I will recover."

I hesitated, my motherly instincts bubbling up to the surface. Unable to hold myself back, I grabbed the most comfy pillow from the couch and gently slid it onto his desk.

"What is that, herbivore?"

"A pillow, f-for you to rest your head on. It'll be more comfortable. O-or maybe you should lie on the couch and rest?" I felt proud that I wasn't stuttering any more.

Hibari took the pillow without a word and pointed to my desk. I obediently walked towards my desk in the corner and sat down.

A few seconds passed.

"Why aren't you writing anything, herbivore?"

"Uhhh, Hibari-san…I can't see what I'm writing if the lights are all off…could I open one curtain…?"

I heard the sound of metal clanking, and I was pretty sure the tonfas were out.

"O-or not! I can see fine after all!" I squeaked, diving for the first page of my incredibly large pile of paperwork. Oh shit, I couldn't even see the words on the page.

Should I use the light from my phone? That probably wouldn't bother him that much, right?

I smoothly slid my phone out of my pants pocket, while at the same time I slid the paper onto my lap. I turned on my phone, and began to write.

"Herbivore…"

"EEP! Yes?"

"Turn that light off."

How could he even see it? "Oh, come on, Hibari-san! I can't even see what I'm writing if I don't have any li –"

The sound of a tonfa striking the wall beside my head made me immediately shut my mouth and write. I didn't even know what I was writing, I was just making stuff up…

Honestly, that bastard is SO unreasonable!

I finally finished at record speed. Sighing, I deposited all the paperwork into Hibari's OUT tray. "I'm finished, Hibari-san, may I go home now?"

Hibari was so quiet I thought he was asleep. Then he grunted in reply.

"Uhh, feel better Hibari-san." I backed out slowly, unwilling to take my eyes away from the ticking time bomb. I slowly opened the door and a flash of light flooded the room.

"Herbivore."

"Sorry sorry sorry! But I need to leave the room to get home!"

"Turn that light off."

"Seriously? Couldn't you just bury your face in the pillow and close your eyes so you won't see any - GAAAAAAAAAH!" I shrieked and dodged when another tonfa came flying my way.

I was certain he had no tonfas left, but he might start throwing his shoes next and, let's be honest, how do we know he doesn't have like fifty tonfas at the ready?

I dashed through the door and closed it. A second later I heard something smash against the door. Just in time.

Sighing in relief, I went to get my books and began to walk home.

* * *

><p>I walked out of the school building when I immediately knew something was wrong.<p>

There were about two or three men dressed in all black suits, just standing around in the middle of the front grounds. They were wearing black hats and sunglasses that covered much of their face. From what I could see, they all had high cheekbones, square chins, and a light coating of stubble.

"Hello there, _poco signore_," One man called, his Japanese heavily accented with another language…Spanish or Italian? Damn, what did he even call me anyway? Sounded like _poke-a-senior_ or some shit like that.

"Uhh, hello?" I said in a knee-jerk reaction, before mentally kicking myself. Don't talk to strangers! That's the number one rule! Especially strangers that look straight out of a mafia!

Wait…mafia?

.

.

.

.

Oh, FUCK…

The man who spoke to me tipped his hat in a gentlemanly fashion. "We are here to see the Vongola Decimo's Cloud Guardian, yes? Where may we speak with him?"

I began to do a sort of modern crab-walk as I sidestepped away from the creepy mafia men. "Um, I don't know who that is, you'll have to find someone else, sorry…"

One of the men snuck up behind me and grabbed my arm. "Don't get scared now, yeah? We just need to have a little chat with the Vongola Decimo's supposedly strongest Guardian, then we can go on our way, eh? Mind telling us now, _poco signore_?"

"I-I-I don't know who this Hibari person is!" I squealed in fright, trying to pull myself out of his iron-strong grip. "I don't know who or where he is! And I don't poke seniors! I'm sorry, I treat them with respect!"

The three men gave each other a look that clearly said _What did he just say?_ I was too scared to really care right now.

The man who spoke to me first sighed heavily and flipped back his suit's sleeve to expose a toned, slightly tanned, almost hairless arm, where a big fat watch was glittering in the afternoon sunlight. "Looks like we might have to…_persuade_ our _poco signore_ a little, yeah?"

Another man chuckled and lifted up his hands, revealing thick gold rings that were resting on every single one of his fingers, even his thumbs. They looked way too much like brass knuckles…

The man holding me shifted his position so he had both my arms out of the way. I yelped and struggled like a dying cat, attempting to kick at the Mafioso man holding me.

"Hey, we've got ourselves a fighter here," He chuckled, easily dodging my first kick. The next one went dangerously close to his family jewels. He said, this time with a slight worried edge in his voice, "A pretty good aimer, too."

"Getting so worked up over a kid, Abaco?" One teased. "One would think you ain't an assassin, with that kinda talk."

"Shut it, Fabiano!" Abaco hissed in embarrassment. "And you too, Macario!" He added to the chuckling other man.

Okay…from what I gathered about their surprisingly childish spat, was the man who was holding me up was Abaco, the man with the fancy golden watch was Fabiano, and the man with the brass-knuckle-ring-thingies was called Macario. And they were all Italian, I presume, since they were Mafioso.

Wait…was there mafia everywhere in the world? OH MY GOD, is there mafia in JAPAN? My life is over!

But no, wait…isn't that just yakuza?

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," Abaco grunted. "Just beat the info out of this kid and we can go kill that brat."

Wait…they were going to kill Hibari? I felt fear shoot through my stomach.

"I WON'T TELL YOU BASTARDS ANYTHING!" I yelled, before instantly regretting it.

"Oh-ho! So you do know about Kyoya Hibari, eh, _poco signore_?" Fabiano smirked.

I gulped as he advanced upon me, brandishing the watch threateningly.

"Now, this might just hurt a little bit, _poco signore_, but I can assure you, it won't be very long. Just a little pinch," Fabiano assured me in a smooth, velvety voice.

"Tell him the truth, Fabiano, I want to see the look on his face." Macario suddenly said, smirking.

Fabiano smirked back. "Alright, this is going to hurt. A lot. But, if you stay still…" He pressed a button or switch or something on the side of the watch, and suddenly the watch began to glow with a faint blue light. A small hum began to grow louder and louder, and I could have sworn I saw tiny electric blue flashes sparking on the rim. "…it won't hurt LONG."

I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth together and cringed for the impact of severe electrocuting pain.

It didn't come.

I opened my eyes when I heard Fabiano yell out.

"H-Hibari-san?" I yelped.

"Stupid herbivore," Hibari growled, looking tired and pissed. He staggered slightly, looking sleepy and slightly out of it. "How did you manage to get in trouble with these weak herbivores?"

"What's with that kid?" Fabiano hissed. I widened my eyes when I saw him clutching his wrist, his shock-watch thing broken. My eyes slid over to the tonfas Hibari held in his hands.

"Fabiano, it's him! Kyoya Hibari!" Macario yelled. Fabiano rested his covered eyes on Hibari and smirked cruelly. "So it is."

Abaco pushed me out of his way; I collided rather painfully with the ground. The three grown men began to advance upon Hibari.

Sighing and looking bored, Hibari raised his tonfas. "Pathetic. You herbivores look weak and you interrupted my nap."

"What was that?" Fabiano hissed, looking irritated. A vein was throbbing on the side of his head.

"You heard me." Hibari's eyes were fiery, and his voice made me want to melt into the ground from fear. "I will bite you to death."

Macario raised his brass-knuckle-rings and swung at Hibari, who ducked backwards. Fabiano threw away his useless shock-watch, only to roll up his sleeve and reveal another one on his other wrist. It started up and began to hum.

"Wao, what an interesting watch," Hibari said in a mock-interested tone as he dodged more of Macario's thrusts, occasionally swinging his tonfa at the man without any real intention of hitting him.

I gulped. It was obvious he wanted to 'play' with them for a bit before beating their asses.

"I assume it can do more than tell the time," Hibari mused to Fabiano, who smirked.

"Oh, you bet it does, _signore_ Kyoya," He sniggered. "It's a rather…_shocking_ new invention made in the Vincitore Family!"

I couldn't help but groan at his outrageously bad pun.

"Shut up, you!" He snapped at me, a flush visible on his cheeks. Then he turned back to Hibari, a confident smirk on his face. Too confident. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end well...for those three mafioso, that is.

"Hold him down for me, Abaco! Macario!"

Abaco and Macario lunged for Hibari at the same time. Hibari ducked down, and the two men comically crashed their heads together. They stumbled around, groaning.

"_Idioti_! Get the kid!" Fabiano howled at them.

Recovering quickly from their injury, Abaco and Macario once again lunged for Hibari. They really didn't seem to learn.

Instead of ducking, Hibari held up his tonfas on either side of him. The two men smacked their faces into the metal.

This was really interesting. Better than any Saturday-morning cartoon I've ever seen…and I saw the Japanese-dubbed versions of the Looney Tunes when I was a kid. This was pure popcorn-eating material.

"You weak herbivores bore me." Hibari sighed, raising his tonfas into a more menacing stance. "For disrupting my sleep, entering Namimori without permission after school hours, and bothering a member of my committee...I shall bite you to death."

To make a quick ten seconds even shorter – Hibari pwned their asses.

The three hitmen lay on the ground, completely knocked out and sporting injuries I thought I'd only see on reruns of _Untold Stories of the ER_.

"Ari-kun!"

I turned to see Tsuna, Yamamoto, Gokudera, and Reborn running towards us. "Reborn found out three assassins from the Vincitore Family tried to attack you! Are you all okay?"

I looked into Tsuna's adorably worried puppy-dog eyes and smiled meekly from my spot on the ground. "Y-yeah, I'm okay…"

"Hiiieeeek! Hibari-san!" Tsuna shrieked when he saw the deadly demon. Gokudera protectively stood in front of his Juudaime.

"Hm, good work, Hibari." Reborn squeaked. "You made quick work of them. Although I heard that Fabiano, Abaco, and Macario of the Vincitore Family are idiots, they nevertheless are top-notch assassins."

"It wasn't me," Hibari said, shocking everyone – and me especially, considering I've NEVER seen Hibari lie before, and so calmly at that. He pointed with his tonfa towards me. "It was that herbivore."

"EHHHHHHHHHHHH?" They all shouted, staring at me. Well, except for Reborn, he just looked at me like a baby…

"Uh…um…huh?" I stammered, too shocked to form coherent words.

"I was having a nap in the Reception Room when I heard noises outside," Hibari said, the lies flowing so smoothly from his mouth I almost believed them. "When I pulled out my tonfas and arrived to check, I saw these three herbivores unconscious and beaten on the ground."

"Hm, I didn't know you are such a capable hitman, Mitarashi." Reborn said, looking at me with an impressed glance. I felt like crying.

"B-but it…i-it wasn't…I-I…"

"The herbivore seems to be in shock," Hibari said, cutting into my stammers. "No wonder his legs gave out."

_You bastard!_ I mentally cried to him. He ignored my tearful glare.

"Looks like I might have to revaluate you, Mitarashi Ari," Reborn said. "You did splendid work on these assassins. No wonder you're Hibari's assistant." He turned to the shell-shocked (and in Gokudera's case, impressed) Guardians and said, "Well, let's go back home. It's obvious we don't have to worry about these two."

"E-eh? Alright…" Tsuna gave me a small smile. "See you tomorrow, Ari-kun."

They left.

As soon as they were out of earshot, I rounded on Hibari. "Why? Why why WHY did you say that?"

"Because it's bothersome."

_HOW IS IT BOTHERSOME? HOW?_

"Hibari-san…now they think I'm some sort of…of…BADASS ASSASSIN or something! I can't fight to save my life!"

"Well, you'll just have to deal with it," Hibari sighed, then ran a hand through his black hair. "I'm going back to sleep. Go home, herbivore." He gave a small kick to the unconscious Abaco. "I'll call one of the other committee members to dispose of these weaklings."

He walked back into the school, as calm as you can please.

I still felt like crying.

* * *

><p><strong>Otaku-chama: Heeeeey y'all! How's this chappie?<strong>

**LOL things are getting more intense! Hibari's just being lazy (in a way only Hibari can ever truly understand), assassins are out for Ari's blood, and WILL THE OTHERS EVER FIND OUT ABOUT ARI'S SECRET IDENTITY?**

**All shall be revealed…IN DUE TIME! :D**

**Oh, and the three idiots (Fabiano, Abaco, and Macario) of the Vincitore Family? They'll be back. If I waste my time finding an Italian name for random OCs, that means they will be more than just a random OC who gets his ass whooped by our lovable Hibari. So if you like the Italian Stooges, they're not going anywhere!**

**Peace out (/o_o)/**


	4. Come To My House!

Chapter 4: Come To My House!

* * *

><p>The next morning, I woke up feeling depressed without knowing why.<p>

Then I remembered - because that jackass Hibari Kyoya just labelled me as a top-notch assassin for no reason at all. FML.

I yelled so loudly in my fury that Haruko ended up running upstairs to see who was dying.

"What the hell are you doing, Ari? Get your ass ready for school!"

The reason why I love my big sis? Because she's the only family member who calls me 'Ari' instead of 'Arisa'. That's probably one of the reasons why I chose to live with her when I ran away from home.

Mitarashi Haruko was twenty-three years old and lived by herself. She worked as a police officer, and despite being quite a stickler to the rules, she seemed perfectly fine letting her runaway little sister stay with her.

I'm pretty sure running away from home underage is against the law or whatever, but it's not like my parents are looking for me, so I'm sure it's fine.

I got up and threw my uniform over myself, taking a quick look at myself in the mirror. Messy dark hair, dark eyes, the perfect image of an average middle school boy.

Except that I'm actually a girl and I'm in the mafia. Once again, FML. If Haruko finds out about the whole mafia part of me she'll flip.

"AAAARRRIIIII! You're going to be late for school! Haul ass!"

"Fine, fine! I'm hauling, nee-chan, I'm hauling!" I grabbed my schoolbag and slid down the banister to the lower floor. Haruko, who was in the middle of putting on her police badge, handed me a small bag of my lunch as I ran by to get my shoes.

"I'm off!"

I ran outside and grabbed my bicycle, pushing off and pedaling my ass off towards Namichuu.

I turned a corner and suddenly ran into something brown and fluffy. By sheer luck, I managed to cling to my bicycle's handle bars and not fly away. Tough luck for the fluffy thing, though, because it was sprawled underneath my bicycle like road kill.

"Tsuna?" I peered closer at the fluffy road kill wearing the Namimori uniform and then widened my eyes in shock. "Holy crap! You okay?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine…" Tsuna laughed a bit as he hoisted himself off, bruised and battered. "I've had worse, ha ha…"

"Dame-Tsuna, what are you thinking? Falling down so easily." Reborn appeared out of nowhere and kicked Tsuna in the head.

Reborn turned to me, ignoring Tsuna's "Ow, Reborn!" and said, "Good work, Mitarashi, keeping your place on the bicycle so easily. Your skills impress me every time we meet."

"N-no, that is, uh…what Hibari said before, it uh…" But under Reborn's evil little baby gaze, I faltered and said a tiny "Never mind" in the end.

"A-anyway, shall we go to school, Ari-kun?" Tsuna smiled cheerfully at me. I felt relieved. At least he wasn't afraid of me, thinking I was an assassin, or something like that. To be honest, Tsuna and the others were my only friends.

"Juudaime!" Gokudera came running over, looking excited as usual to see Tsuna. "Oh - and Reborn-san and Mitarashi." He nodded to both of us. It seemed like he was much more respectful towards me now that he thought I was a famous Mafioso.

Yamamoto joined us soon afterwards, to Gokudera's extreme displeasure. He, too, treated me like nothing had happened. At school later on, we met up with Kyoko and Hana, who were both clueless of the mafia and therefore had no idea of the idiotic lie Hibari old yesterday.

The bell rang, and instantly, the evil voice of the devil himself growled out, "Get to class, herbivores."

Instantly, students scattered and dashed inside the school as if their life depended on it - which, it really did.

"You herbivores, too," he added menacingly to our little group, which was a little late on the uptake. We immediately ran inside before his tonfas could follow.

"Whew…" Tsuna breathed out in relief. "Let's just get to class before Hibari-san comes to kill us."

We took our seats, and the teacher opened the door. "Alright, class, take out your books and - OOOOOOMPH!" He was suddenly yanked back outside, and everything was deathly silent.

Tsuna and I exchanged glances.

Suddenly, Reborn came in, dressed in a boring gray suit. "Hello, class, I am your substitute teacher for today."

Tsuna and I facedesked.

"Your normal teacher has to stay home because of a bad case of the flu."

_But we just saw him!_ the entire class thought in unison.

"Now, today we are going to study history until lunch." He took out some chalk and began to write on the blackboard.

When he pulled away, the question on the board said, _Which family came out victorious in the 13__th__ Mafia War in 1994?_

WTF?!

"How the heck are we supposed to know that?" I heard someone whisper to their friend in the class.

Reborn must have heard it too, because he threw the piece of chalk at the poor guy's face. "No talking out of turn unless you know the answer. Whoever has the wrong answer will get bombed." As if to prove his point, he held out a live bomb that made everyone cringe and cower in their seats. "If you're right, I will let you join our family."

"Oh my god," I heard Tsuna moan in despair.

Gokudera, excited, raised his hand. "I know the answer! It was the Vongola!"

"You're already in the family." Reborn threw the bomb at him anyway, and everyone ducked for cover.

"I will ask another question, then." He wrote another question on the board: _Name all 168 types of guns used most often in the mafia within five minutes._

"WHAT?!" The class chorused in disbelief.

I didn't even know there was such thing as 168 types of guns! I thought there was just one type - the gun. WTF is with Reborn?

"How are we supposed to know this, sensei?" Someone complained. "We aren't in the mafia!"

Tsuna and I had the sense to grab Kyoko and Hana and run out of the classroom before the bombs started to explode.

* * *

><p>"Herbivore, this is my place."<p>

"Sorry, Hibari-san."

I closed the roof door behind me and walked up to him, looking properly ashamed on the outside and as usual snapping on the inside. If I want to eat on the roof, I'll eat there! It's not like I'll bother him or anything.

"What is that, herbivore?" I could feel Hibari's eyes boring into me from his spot on the floor.

"Uh, my lunch?"

"Don't try to be impertinent. Give it to me."

My lunch! The lunch Haruko worked so hard to make for me! I clutched it desperately to my heart.

"Herbivore."

Ouch, chills.

"Fine, fine…" I sullenly gave him my bag.

He searched through it, and pulled out an egg salad sandwich, a juice box, and an apple. Simple, but I never liked fancy stuff anyway.

He curiously sniffed the sandwich. "What kind is this?"

"Egg salad."

"Hmmph. Next time, make it ham and cheese, herbivore. I don't like egg salad."

HOW IS THAT MY PROBLEM? But I bit my tongue. I didn't want to get beaten up.

He kept the apple and threw the rest of my lunch at me. I caught it just in time and slowly sat down, taking it as an invitation to eat there.

I thoughtfully munched on my egg salad as Hibari crunched on his apple. It was altogether quite a peaceful atmosphere, and I almost felt myself relaxing. Almost.

Because, you know, the devil was in my presence. If you can relax in Hibari Kyoya's presence, that's because you're already dead.

* * *

><p>I was walking home after another miserable session of writing papers for Hibari (who's cold had finally gotten better) when I felt the unmistakeable feeling that someone was following me.<p>

I quickened my pace, and I could feel the stalkers doing the same. I felt myself start to sweat, and I gulped in fear.

_Stay calm, Ari, stay calm,_ I told myself. _Haruko nee-chan put you through self-defence training, you can do this._

At the last second, I changed course and sidestepped into a small alleyway, breaking out into a full-on run. The people behind me followed.

The only advantage I had right now was that I knew my surroundings, having grown up in this neighbourhood and knew every single garbage can and bush.

I nimbly leaped above stacked-up boxes and tore through gardens, while I could hear the stalkers stumbling along behind me, trying to keep up.

Unfortunately for me, they must have been full-grown men, because I could feel them slowly catching up to me, despite my good stamina and quick legs.

Finally, I turned a wrong corner and ended up in a dead-end alleyway, my path blocked by a tall chain-link fence. I didn't have time to climb over it, since the stalkers were right behind me.

"Nice to meet you again, _poco signore_," I heard a familiar voice say.

I turned around and groaned. "Oh god, not YOU guys again."

"Hey, that's rude! You little brat!" Abaco hissed, looking disappointed in my less-than-horrified reaction.

Fabiano half-heartedly tugged at his shock watches. "I thought you would be more…scared."

Macario irritably pulled at a bandage on his cheek. "Pull yourself together, men. The brat is probably quaking with fear on the inside."

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes. "The Three Stooges are back, what more could I possibly be afraid of?"

"Why you little…" Out of pure fury, Abaco pressed a button on the shock watch, and it buzzed to life. "You won't be saying that when you get a little taste of the shock watch…"

Okay, NOW I started to feel a bit scared. I gulped and backed away, but there was nowhere to run to.

"Prepare yourself, _poco signore_!" Abaco yelled triumphantly, pointing the shock watch in my direction.

I caught a glimpse of a blue-white flash of electricity going my way before I squeezed my eyes shut and cringed.

I felt a light pinch and a little tickle all over my body, but that was it.

I opened one eye, and inspected my body. When it looked fine, I opened the other eye and looked at them with my best _Are you shitting me, bitches?_ look. "I thought you said it was supposed to hurt."

"I-I-it was!" Abaco stammered, looking at the watch frantically. "I don't understand…"

"_Idioti_! I told you to recharge the watches last night!" Macario swore. "You didn't listen to me, did you?"

I had enough of their bickering. As they continued to argue childishly at each other, I slowly inched my way around them.

"…and you guys never listen to me when I tell you to - HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

Fucksocks and mother of all that's holy, they noticed!

I dashed away as quick as I could, but they quickly caught me and pinned my sides.

"Let's just mess up the brat a bit," Fabiano suggested. "He's the Vongola Cloud Guardian's assistant, right? If we hold him ransom, the Cloud might give himself up in exchange for this brat's life."

I snorted.

"Excuse me?" Fabiano frowned at me.

"Nothing, it's just funny how you think Hibari-san cares about me."

"W-what?"

"Hibari-san is a demon. He doesn't care about anybody - especially me, I've only been his assistant for like three days."

Abaco facepalmed himself. "Men, this brat is worthless. Just beat him up and let's go."

Shit! I was hoping they'd just let me go! I struggled and yelled as best as I could while they advanced upon me.

Suddenly, there was the sound of metal, and the three idiots fell down once again, unconscious.

I looked up in shock. "Hibari-san?" Again?

Then I shrieked and dodged a tonfa that came spinning my way, as it embedded itself into the brick wall a second where my head used to be.

"Herbivore, I will bite you to death for making such a ruckus while I was sleeping."

"What? Wait - why?"

He pointed to the roof he was sleeping on. "I will bite you to death."

"N-no, wait - GYAAAAAAH!"

I ran away as fast as I could, Hibari in close pursuit. The freak was enjoying the chase, I assume.

At the last second, I reached my house, just when Haruko was coming home from her police duty.

"Nee-chan!" I gasped desperately. "Lock the doors! Lock the doors!"

"Huh? Why?"

I ran for the gate, but I couldn't close it fully before Hibari appeared and easily kicked me aside.

"Who's that, Ari?"

Hibari turned to my sister, and I felt a chill take over my body. Was he going to bite her to death?

"Herbivore, are you a police officer?" He eyed her uniform and the badge with his sharp eyes.

"Yes, I am. And who are you, young man? Are you friends of Ari?"

There was a long silence, and as I weakly stood up I stammered, "Uh, he's Hibari Kyoya, you know…the Disciplinary Committee leader of Namichuu?" I hinted strongly at his name. There were many times where I complained of him to Haruko.

"Oh, so he's also a law-enforcer, huh?" Haruko smiled cheerfully, not quite getting what shit she was pulling us into. "So am I, kid! Would you like to come in?"

From the look on Hibari's face, it clearly said _I'd rather bite you to death then come inside your humble abode_, but when Haruko added "I can fix you a bite to eat, if you want", he consented.

I followed behind, sniffling in despair.

I could hardly believe it. The devil himself was in my house. The world was ending.

"What do you want to eat, Kyoya?" Haruko asked cheerfully as she led him into the kitchen.

Silence. Then… "Pancakes."

What the…

"Pancakes?" Haruko sounded equally befuddled.

"That's what I want to eat right now, herbivore. Make it for me now or I'll bite you to death."

"Sure, no problem. If pancakes are what the man wants, then pancakes he'll get!"

The goodnatured Haruko immediately went around to find pancake mix. "Ari, you can make yourself useful and help me out, you know. You don't want to keep your friend waiting."

"He's not my FRIEND!" I hissed at her as I went to get the mixing bowl.

"He's quite handsome for a middle schooler!" Haruko whispered back at me with a wink and a saucy grin. "Thinking of getting close to him through your little getup?"

"Shut up, nee-chan!"

Once the pancakes were done, Haruko forced me to give it to Hibari, who was sitting with his feet up at our kitchen table as if he sat there every day of his life.

I sullenly gave him the pancakes. "Your meal, sir."

"Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone, herbivore?"

"N-no…sir…" I said meekly.

"Good. Now open the window."

"Excuse me?"

"Do it, herbivore. Or else I'll -"

"- Bite me to death, yeah, I know," I muttered under my breath, walking towards the window and opening it.

Something yellow floated into the room.

"And there's Hibird," I added with a sigh.

"Hibari, Hibari!" The yellow ball of adorableness chirped happily, fixing itself on top of Hibari's black hair. "Hibari, Hibari!"

Then it started to sing the school anthem. God, that bird was annoying.

Hibari calmly ate the pancakes, as I stood awkwardly to the side wondering what to do and where to run to.

Before I could escape to my bedroom, Hibird flew up and landed on top of my head. "Ari, Ari!"

Since when did Hibird learn my name?

Hibari must have been surprised too, because he looked at me (I flinched). "The bird must have taken a liking to you, herbivore."

"O-oh, really?" Is that a good thing?

When he finished, he got up and said, "I'm leaving now," and left the house.

What the flippin' hell? He didn't even clean up the dishes! So rude!

Hibird chirped happily before flying out the open window again.

"And there Hibird goes," I added irritably as I slammed the window closed behind it.

The doorbell rang as I was washing Hibari's plate, and Haruko went to go get it. She came into the kitchen.

"Since when are you so popular, Ari? More friends came to visit!" She leaned forwards and whispered, "And they're so _cute_, too! Ari, you sly dog!"

"Go away!"

Tsuna, Gokudera, and Yamamoto walked in. "S-sorry to barge in like this, Ari-kun," Tsuna said with a weak smile.

I sighed. "It doesn't matter, I've just been having some…unexpected company today. What's up?"

Reborn popped out of nowhere, as usual. "Ciassu, Mitarashi! Congratulations on your second defeat of those Vincitore assassins! You did well defending yourself."

"WHAT? B-but that was….that was…it wasn't…" I felt like crying all over again. FML.

"Ari, do your friends want to stay for dinner?" Haruko called from upstairs. Before anyone could answer, she said, "No problem at all! Glad you're staying!"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "Sorry, nee-chan is always like this."

"No problem, so is my mother," Tsuna sighed.

"Haha, what about your parents, Ari?" Yamamoto asked cheerfully.

"Me? Dunno." I shrugged carelessly.

They looked shocked. "What? What happened to them?" Tsuna asked in alarm.

"Nothing. They were just crappy parents, so I ran away and went to live with nee-chan. That's all."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Tsuna looked horrified that he asked such a delicate question.

"No really, guys, it's okay. I honestly don't care." I gave them a reassuring smile. "I'm happy living with nee-chan, so everything's cool!"

Tsuna and Yamamoto still gave me sympathetic looks. Only Gokudera seemed perfectly fine with it, which gave me a feeling that he knew all to well what it was like running away from home.

We played cards until Haruko called us for dinner. Laughing and talking together, we sat around the table and feasted.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow!" I waved goodbye as they left the house.

"See you at school, Ari!" Yamamoto cheerfully waved along with Tsuna. Even Gokudera did a sort of head nod before they left.

I closed the door behind them and then went to help Haruko clear the dishes. She was in an excellent mood - she was even humming.

"What are you so happy about, nee-chan?" I asked her curiously.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing…it's just the first time Ari brought any friends over!" She ruffled my hair affectionately.

Hm. That's true.

Wait…was she counting Hibari as a friend?


	5. Rokudo Mukuro

Chapter 5: Rokudo Mukuro

* * *

><p>A week has passed, and surprisingly enough, I am actually getting used to being Hibari Kyoya's slave.<p>

I know, I know. I'm having trouble wrapping it around my head too.

It seems like ever since those third-year bullies got their ass kicked by both Dying-Will-Tsuna and Hibari, everyone has become much more cautious around me. I mean, sure, it's a bit disappointing to have everyone treat you like the bubonic plague, but at least nobody would bother me from now on.

As for the whole mafia thing…it's been a bit hard to get used to. Every day I look at Tsuna, who's so cute and tiny and squishy and probably the weakest person imaginable, and I try to picture him as the soon-to-be future mafia boss of the apparently strongest family in the world.

It just _doesn't make sense_.

As for Yamamoto? I doubt he even knows this is real. He keeps going on about it being a 'game'. And Gokudera? Actually, I can totally imagine him as a Mafioso.

Reborn? Oh, Mary mother of GOD, don't get me started on him. I thought he was a cute little baby, but it turns out he's the most evil, twisted, sadistic creature on this planet. Almost as much as Hibari, and I thought that guy was the Devil incarnate.

But, as it turns out, I was about to meet someone ELSE who was just as evil, twisted, and sadistic…

* * *

><p>It was a sunny Friday, and that meant I had two days free of the demon all to myself. I relished at the thought of sleeping in, pigging out, maybe playing some video games with Tsuna and the guys.<p>

Best of all? I highly doubted Hibari would go through all the trouble to hunt me down and demand food. Because lately, that guy's been inviting himself to eat dinner at our house and sleep on our roof.

Haruko, of course, doesn't mind it. On the contrary, she finds the guy hilarious. Hibari puts up with her bubbly personality quite well, most likely because she is a police officer.

I haven't seen those three idiots from the Vincitore Family in a while. Most likely they were scheming somewhere in Japan, thinking up new idiotic plots to try and beat me up and kill Hibari.

Now that I think about it, I still didn't get the whole 'Cloud Guardian' thing. I tried asking Hibari, but all I got was a frighteningly close brush with death as he threw a tonfa at my face.

As I was walking down the street, I noticed a girl about my age walking down the street. She was really cute, and she wore what looked like the Kokuyo Middle School uniform. She had an eye patch over one eye, while the visible one was a startling shade of purple, and her hair was in a very strange style. It reminded me viciously of pineapples.

She appeared to be lost, and I decided that since I was in a good mood, I would help her out.

"Hey, you lost?" I called out to her cheerfully.

She jumped, looked around wildly, saw me, and blushed and shuffled away. She seemed to be hesitant. What, was I a monster or something?

"Hey, you don't have to be so shy, you know," I said, softening my voice like I would with a wild animal. "I don't bite. Are you lost?"

The girl hesitated, before slowly nodding. Then, in a teeny-tiny little voice, she said, "I have to find somebody, but I don't know where he is."

Aww, she's so shy! "Does he go to my school? Namimori? I could help you out if it is." After all those many hours of sorting through all the school records and files and writing down names of people Hibari has punished, I've practically memorized the entire school's names and faces.

I don't know if that's impressive or if it's sad.

The girl nodded. I noticed she was also carrying a trident. What the hell?

"What's with that weapon-thing?" I pointed at it.

She looked at it and blushed harder. "This? Is…is it weird?"

"No, not at all!" I said quickly, giving her a smile. "It's cool!"

She gave me a small smile back, and I had a strange feeling that I had won her trust.

I walked back to Namimori's school building and struck up a conversation with the abnormally silent and shy girl.

"So, what's your name?"

"Chrome Dokuro," she whispered.

"Cool. Um, I'm Mitarashi Ari. I didn't know you had friends in Namichuu." Mostly kids from the different schools kept to each other, and I heard before that there were some problems between Namichuu and Kokuyo before.

Chrome shook her head. "I don't. But Mukuro-sama told me to find this person."

Mukuro? _Mukuro?_ Mu-ku-ro? Where have I heard this name before? It sounded oddly familiar, yet completely strange at the same time.

"Um, who's Mukuro-sama?"

Chrome just blinked at me. "Mukuro-sama is Mukuro-sama."

This girl is weird. "Er, right…so, um, who is it you want to find?"

"His name is Hibari Kyoya."

I stopped dead in my tracks and began to cough on my own saliva. Chrome stared at me. "A-are you okay?" She whispered in shock.

"Uh, y-yeah - just a little bit…surprised…that's all…" I thumped my chest hard and finally got air through. "W-why do you need to see him?" I never would have thought a cute girl would want to see Hibari. I mean, she's weird too, but she's cute.

"Mukuro-sama wanted to see him for some reason."

This Mukuro guy again. Who the hell is he? Seriously, it's starting to piss me off.

I entered the school grounds, and almost five seconds later I had a tonfa pressed against my neck. "Herbivore. Who said you were allowed on school grounds after classes?"

"H-Hibari-san - you're - choking -" I coughed and backed away, massaging my throat. "Sorry, I know I'm not allowed, but…"

Hibari's eyes glinted and he pulled out both tonfas and raised them up. "So you knew, but still defied the rules anyway? This means _punishment_."

"E-EEEP! W-wait! Wait wait wait!" I scrabbled backwards even more, raising out my hands. "I came here because someone wanted to see you!"

I turned around at Chrome, but to my surprise, mist had suddenly rolled in and completely shrouded her until she was nothing more than a vague shadow.

"What the -"

The mist slowly cleared away, and my jaw dropped right to the ground. Chrome was gone - in her place was a tall guy with the exact same hairstyle and a Kokuyo male uniform. One eye was blue, the other red with what looked like a 6 inside it.

Woah, man. Creepy.

The expression on Hibari's face changed from one of bored indifference to absolute venomous fury. I actually took a few steps backwards, away from his killer aura. It genuinely _terrified_ me.

"Hn, so it's YOU again," he snarled, repositioning his feet and bringing up the tonfas once more.

The guy-who-used-to-be-Chrome-and-is-making-me-confused-right-now chuckled. "Kufufufufu, we meet again, Hibari Kyoya." He turned to me. "Many thanks for leading dear little Chrome to him."

I suddenly remembered where I heard the name before. When Hibari was bitching about joining the mafia or whatever, Reborn said something. What was it? _"You have a bigger chance of fighting with Rokudo Mukuro again"_ or something, right?

"YOU!" I yelled, pointing at his face. "You're him! Rokudo Mukuro, right?"

"Kufufufu, so you know me? And who might you be, little grasshopper?"

Grasshopper? WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS KID? He's seriously weird, and that eye is just freaking me out.

"He is my herbivorous assistant," Hibari said. I flinched and groaned. I was really hoping I could just say 'nobody in particular', but of course, Hibari had to go ruin everything for me.

"Kufufufu, an assistant?" He held out a trident, which was longer than Chrome's and seemed much more deadly. "So you will be joining the fight too?"

Before I could say no (or run the heck home), Hibari growled out, "This fight is just between you and me," before launching himself at Mukuro.

I scrambled as far away as I could, unable to tear my eyes away from them, as trident and tonfas collided with metallic clashes, only to bounce away and rebound back again. Mukuro and Hibari were moving so fast I could barely catch up.

In a way, I was really impressed. I've never seen Hibari move this fast before. When he was fighting those Three Idiots, his movements were calm and precise and flowed smoothly like water, as though he was simply playing with them.

But with Mukuro? The guy was like a demon. No breaks in-between attacks, no chance to evaluate the opponent. Just attack, fall back, and attack again. Neither were going on the defence, and it was both terrifying and superiorly-freaking cool.

After a while, though, I started to get bored, because neither of them were getting any injuries. Hibari seemed to be getting pissed off as well.

"You aren't at your best," He said in what could have been a taunting voice. "Is there something wrong?"

"Kufufu, it's all in your head, Hibari," Mukuro said calmly, dodging a tonfa and lashing out with his trident.

"Can you explain to me why you were a girl ten minutes ago?" I called out at them.

Mukuro did another one of his creepy laughs, before saying, "Dear Chrome is the shell I use. Unfortunately, my real body is still stuck in Vendicare."

Wait…what? Shell? So he and Chrome share _the same body_?

That actually makes sense, with their similar hairstyles and trident-thing and all, but still…how friggin' creepy is that? Also, it completely didn't make sense. My head started spinning from all this information. It's impossible for two people to share one body while another's REAL body was somewhere else!

And where the hell is Vendicare, anyway?

Hibari suddenly stopped and backed away, looking disgruntled and irritated.

"Oh-ho? Running away, now, are we?" Mukuro said with an eerily calm smile.

"In your dreams," Hibari replied back, just as cold and cool. "I just don't have any interest in fighting a weaker version of a herbivore. Come find me when you get your real body."

With that, he turned around and went back into the school, calling out, "Get off the school grounds in five minutes, herbivores, or I'll come back and bite you to death."

Where the hell was he going? Oh, god, does he LIVE in the school?

Actually, now that I think about it…does Hibari even have a family? I can't really imagine him going home with brothers and sisters and having parents ask him how his day went. Unless they were all sadistic psychos, then in that case, I could totally see it.

I turned back to Mukuro, who was still standing there being a creeper. "Um, I still don't really get it. Who are YOU, and if you are YOU, who is CHROME?"

"Kufufufu, Chrome and I are one and the same, little grasshopper," Mukuro turned to me, still smiling and doing that weird little laugh. "I cannot appear without Chrome, and she cannot live without me. So, you're in the mafia as well? Maybe I should kill you right now and rid the world of one pest."

"W-whoa! Hey! No need to get hasty, there!" I stammered, shifting as far away from him as I could without flat-out sprinting away. "I-I don't wanna be in the mafia either! They forced me to because Hibari lied and said I was an assassin and I'm just a completely normal kid and -" I decided to shut up before I went too far and said I was a girl.

Mukuro paused before he could spear me with his trident. "Being forced, you say? So you hate the mafia too?"

Common sense told me to say yes. "Uh, sure?"

He hesitated once more. For a second, I thought he was going to change his mind and stab me anyway, but instead, he lowered the trident and reached out to ruffle my hair. "Kufufufu, you are a very interesting one, little grasshopper. And you treated my dear Chrome so nicely too. I might just find you worthy enough to keep alive for future use."

_USE? _Is he going to USE me? What the HELL?

Mist slowly began to appear and completely surrounded Mukuro. "Kufufufu, until next time, little grasshopper…"

When the mist disappeared, shy little Chrome was in his place.

"Um…hi again?"

She gave me a little smile and nod before running off, leaving me standing there like a doofus and still unable to register what exactly was happening.

I screeched when a steel tonfa came flying out of nowhere and buried itself in the ground near my feet. I looked up to see Hibari on the roof.

"Five minutes are nearly up, herbivore," he called down at me. "Get lost or I'll bite you to death."

Why was his aim so friggin' incredible? Seriously, is he a super-demon or something? That almost hit me point-blank.

Another tonfa came flying my way, and I got the message and ran straight home.


	6. I Trust Too Much

Chapter 6: I Trust Too Much

* * *

><p>It seemed like a perfectly normal day.<p>

Well, I couldn't exactly tell the difference between normal and abnormal anymore, not since I was basically drafted against my will to join the mafia, but you get the picture.

Oh, and the demon slave contract. Don't forget the demon slave contract.

Thanks to HIM, I have even less chances of making friends than before. People started to avoid me like the plague once they realized I took my job serving Hibari pretty seriously. They end up acting all cautious and nervous around me, as though I will flaunt my power or something and make Hibari bite them to death.

Excuse me, I am not that shallow. And what makes them think he'll do anything for me anyways? Please, I doubt he even notices me enough to even consider me a herbivore without biting.

The only people who can actually stay around me without seeming to care who my boss is was Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Kyoko, and Haru. They essentially sort of merged into my life as friends without any tearful, dramatic showdowns or cheesy, long speeches of friendship.

Which is kinda awesome.

"Good morning, Ari-kun!" Tsuna stammered, looking up the instant I walked in and smiling in that cute relieved way that made me want to squish his cheeks.

"Hey, Ari!" Yamamoto grinned. Gokudera grunted, but seemed to acknowledge my presence, so I supposed that was his way of greeting me.

"Good morning, Ari-kun," Kyoko said, giving me one of those smiles that guys would usually die for. "I heard your onee-chan is busy with the police station this week, so I made you a bento, if you'd like it." She held up a pretty blue-and-white bento.

"Wow, Kyoko, thanks!" It was true, Haruko was really busy with all the police work. She told me that the crime rate in Namimori was going up since last week for some reason, and for that they needed all the able-bodied people they could get to do rounds.

I really hoped it wasn't my fault. Those three idiots from the Vincitore Family just wouldn't let up. I tried to explain to them that Hibari wouldn't give a rat's ass if I lived or died, but they still think kidnapping me would get them some sort of leverage.

But he always came to save me each time.

It was weird. The first few times were because they were bothering him and he was nearby, but lately it seems more like it's a habit to beat the shit out of them and then throw some tonfas at me for wasting his time.

I wondered if maybe he grew fond of me, and shuddered at the thought. Yeah, right. Like Hibari would consider me anything close to an acquaintance or a friend.

And, of course, every single time he blamed me for it, and I've been getting freaked out by the looks that Reborn kid has been throwing me every single time. A sort of … approving nod. Yet whenever I tried to tell him I wasn't really an assassin, he would stare at me with those hard, cold baby eyes and I'd back down.

I took the bento from Kyoko, ignoring the jealous mutterings from a few boys in the class. Wait … did they consider this as some sort of confession or whatever? Shit, what should I do if that sort of situation came up? I was a girl. Well, THEY didn't know that, but it was still true.

Then I looked at Kyoko and relaxed again. She made it for me out of the pure goodness of her little school idol heart, because I was her friend and I was planning on going the day hungry because Haruko didn't have time to make me lunch.

And besides, even if something like that ever DID happen, I would refuse, whether I was secretly a girl or not. Because she was the girl that Tsuna liked, and I wouldn't do that to my friend. Not ever.

The teacher came in, and we all rushed to our normal seats. I could tell from the way he cleaned his glasses that he was about one second from making a long, boring announcement, so I looked out the window.

Hibird chirped at me cheerfully from a branch nearby. I turned as white as a ghost, made an odd gulping noise, and quickly looked away.

Damn you, Hibari Kyoya.

"Class, please pay attention!" The teacher called in his high, thin voice, managing to make most of us turn in our seats to look at him. "Class … listen! No talking! There is a new transfer student in class 2-D."

This finally got our attention and we sat up a little straighter. New kids were always exciting.

"She is from another country, but her Japanese is, I can assure you, quite impeccable. I just want to remind you to introduce yourselves and help her if she's in trouble. She might struggle from the cultural differences. Please give a good impression of our class, okay?"

We all murmured various replies. I half-turned to look at Tsuna and raised my eyebrows.

_**A new student?**_ He mouthed, looking both curious and terrified. I've honestly never seen anyone be so scared of absolutely everything before.

_**Sounds fun,**_ I grinned at him. _**Let's say hi later.**_

He smiled and nodded shakily. Honestly, why was he so scared? It was just a transfer student. I mean, really, what could go wrong?

* * *

><p>Her name was Flora Marino. She was a foreigner. With that long, curly, mahogany-brown hair and bright blue eyes, I was thinking somewhere in Europe, maybe French or Polish.<p>

She smiled prettily at everyone who was attempting to make friends and introduce themselves to her, even though they were crowding her desk so much _anyone_ would have freaked out in that situation.

Granted, she WAS cute, so it was no wonder. The guys now had something new to ogle at besides Sasagawa Kyoko.

When a space finally opened up, I purposefully walked up to the girl, dragging a scared bunny Tsuna along with me. As usual, people stiffened up and stumbled out of my way as I grew closer. Jesus, kids, calm down. I'm not going to bite your heads off or anything. That was Hibari's job.

"Hi," I said, flashing the uncertain girl a quick, reassuring smile. "I'm Mitarashi Ari, and this little wimp is Sawada Tsunayoshi. Nice to meet you."

"H-hey, don't call Juudaime a wimp!" Gokudera yelped. I looked back to realize the others had followed Tsuna here. Of course they would. They follow Tsuna everywhere.

"That's Gokudera Hayato and Yamamoto Takeshi," I said, quickly introducing the loudmouth delinquent and cheerful baseball player. "And those girls over there are Sasagawa Kyoko and Kurokawa Hana."

The girl – Flora – nodded and gave us all shy smiles. "H-hello. I'm not quite sure why everyone's making such a fuss over me."

"No big deal," Hana said with a lazy wave of her hand. "You're the new animal at the zoo for everyone to goggle at. After a week or so, they'll get bored and move on."

I wasn't sure if I approved of her comparison, but hey, it worked.

"Flora-san, you don't want to get too close to them!" One brave kid called out. "That's Dame-Tsuna and the Demon's personal lapdog!"

Tsuna's cheeks turned red and even I started to feel a bit embarrassed at the chuckles. The Demon's lapdog? Is that what everyone associated me as now? Hibari's pet?

"Who said that?" Gokudera growled, sliding out some dynamite and lighting them. "Who dared to disrespect Juudaime and Mitarashi? Speak up, coward!"

Nobody moved.

"Che, just like I thought." Gokudera snorted, snuffing out the dynamite and putting them back in his pocket. "You bark like a guard dog, but you're nothing but a wild stray. Pathetic!"

I shot him a grateful look and he just nodded again. I guess those stupid lies were a good thing; I seemed to have gained Gokudera's trust and respect from them.

Of course, I wondered what would happen if they realized it was all a lie, and I shuddered at the thought.

Flora gave us another one of her shy, pretty smiles. "It's okay, I don't think there's anything wrong with you two. Not at all. You're very nice to talk to me like this."

I shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

It wasn't until after we were walking back and I told them I was going to eat lunch on the roof did I realize I didn't wholly trust that Flora Marino girl. But maybe I was just growing paranoid, what with those Three Idiots and Reborn and Hibari Kyoya jumping out at me from all over the place.

Besides, the girl wasn't even Italian.

* * *

><p>"Herbivore."<p>

I jumped and nearly choked. "Y-yes, Hibari-san?"

"Give me that lunch."

I stared longingly at Kyoko's perfect, delicious, handmade bento. "But …"

"Are you defying me, herbivore?"

"N-no …" I sulked and shoved the bento towards him.

I knew there wasn't a point to eat lunch up here. After all, I could always ask to eat with Tsuna and the others, I doubted they would mind. But it seemed like a habit to go up to the rooftop and stare out at the scenery while I ate … even IF the terrifying Disciplinary Committee leader kept stealing my lunch.

Hibari pulled the bento towards him and eyed each compartment. Then he swiped about half of it and pushed it back towards me. "You're allowed to eat now, herbivore." He walked towards the other side of the roof and sprawled onto the ground, hands behind his head.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around?" I couldn't help to complain. "I mean, it IS my bento after all …"

"All carnivores should eat before herbivores," he said without looking in my direction. "Otherwise the carnivore might get hungry and bite all the weak little herbivores to death."

I really didn't understand his food chain analogy, but from what I could gather … he was threatening me.

I sighed. I was really hungry today, and Kyoko's pretty bento didn't look half as appealing when half of it was taken unwillingly from me.

"What happened to your usual lunches, herbivore?"

I blinked. Was he talking about the sandwiches and the apples and the juice boxes? A much more 'Western' meal, that was. "Er, nee-chan has some trouble in the force so she doesn't have time to make me lunch right now …"

"Hn," he muttered, and was silent for so long I thought he dropped the conversation. Then, he suddenly said, "Make sure to bring an apple next time then."

I stared at him. "Don't you ever –"

A flash of a tonfa. "Who asked you to speak, herbivore?"

I gulped. "Sorry, sorry … er, may I have permission to speak, Hibari-san?"

"Hn … you may."

"Don't you ever bring your own lunch?"

Suddenly, it occurred to me that Hibari never ate lunch. Maybe that's why he stole from me. Did HE have a sister to make his lunches? Or a mother? The thought of Hibari Kyoya having a family really freaked me out. I bet they were all sadistic, twisted little creeps like him.

Hibari didn't answer. I hesitated, then said slowly, "Uh, if you want … I could make you lunches sometimes. Er, I mean, my nee-chan can make you lunches." I decided not to tell him that I could cook as well. I mean, that's a bit too girly, right? What if he guesses?

He didn't answer. Maybe he fell asleep.

Sighing, I stared at my empty bento before packing it up and making sure I didn't make a sound as I walked towards the exit.

Just as I opened the door, he said, "Make sure it's not egg salad, herbivore."

I turned back to him. His eyes were closed, and he looked asleep, but he probably wasn't. "What?"

"I don't repeat myself, herbivore. I can't stand egg salad. If you ever give me it, I will bite you to death."

"I – yes, Hibari-san."

He didn't say anything back, and I assumed it was safe to leave. On the inside, I was fuming. Who doesn't like egg salad?

* * *

><p>As I was walking home from school, I felt like someone was following me. Only whenever I turned to look back, the street was empty. Weird.<p>

I turned back around slowly, then whipped my head around, just in case. Nobody.

All the same, I kept having these weird queasy feelings in my stomach, and I fast-walked all the way home.

I was in my room doing homework when I heard the door open and Haruko come home. "Ari? Where are you, twerp?"

"Here!" I called back, before running downstairs. "What's up, nee-chan?"

"This is for you." Haruko threw me a package wrapped in brown paper, tied up with a pretty red ribbon. "I saw it at the doorstep when I came in."

"Cool." I opened it, and to my shock, about half a dozen red roses spilled out from the package. "Woah, someone sent me flowers!"

"No way, you got a secret admirer?" Haruko snickered as she headed towards the living room to watch TV. "Hope they're into crossdressing!"

"Shut up, nee-chan." I examined it closer. They were beautiful. The colour was so lush it felt like the crimson red was going to spill over the petals and drip to the floor. The green, leafy parts were vibrant and healthy. It was so beautiful I felt the urge to put them in a vase.

I ran to the kitchen and pulled out a large, clear, glass vase. I filled it with water and carefully stuck each rose in. When I got to the sixth one, I accidentally cut my finger on one of the thorns.

"Ow! Shit!" I stuck the finger quickly into my mouth when it began to well up blood. I slowly picked up the rose and placed it with the others.

Damn. Just my luck. But hey, the flowers were pretty.

As I crumpled up the packaging paper to throw it away, a little sheet of paper fell out. I picked it up.

It was a small card, made from those really thick, expensive, creamy-coloured paper. In very fancy, calligraphic Japanese, it read;

_**To my favourite boy,**_

_**Hope you like these flowers.**_

_**I picked them just for you!**_

Well, that was creepy. Who is this person, why are they creeping on me, and who on earth gives a boy flowers?

I really hoped it was a girl. Make the rejection process so much easier to deal with. How did said stalker even know where I LIVE?

I felt this weird tugging feeling in my stomach, and I quickly threw away the card. I was tempted to throw out the flowers too, but they looked so vibrant and beautiful I couldn't bring myself to hurt them.

I admired the roses for a few more minutes before heading back upstairs to do my homework. Well, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I mean, they're just flowers, right?


End file.

Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Humor, Romance