Harry Potter 1. Chapter One

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

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Chapter One

Harry sighed as he snuck into Hogwarts grounds at the beginning of his sixth year; he had managed to miss the Hogwarts express and had had to catch the knightbus. He had no idea how he was going to do this without being caught and then he had to think of a plausible explanation. He couldn't exactly say that his uncle had beaten the shit out of him, so he ran away and lost track of time now could he? He sighed again and looked around, he had hoped to arrive at the same time as the train so that he could slip in with the other students in Hogsmeade but there seemed to be a hell of a lot more stranded witched and wizards tonight.

He hurried down to the castle as fast as his injured body would allow and then paused outside of the main doors to check that his concealment charms were still in place. A week ago, his uncle had nearly killed him and so he had ran away. He knew his secret wouldn't last long but the longer, the better. If he was lucky, he had another three weeks at least before he was figured out. But then again, whenever had he been lucky?

He checked to see if his trunk was still shrunk and in his pocket before taking a deep breath and then he pushed the doors open. He knew this was going to be difficult considering Vernon had murdered Hedwig and hadn't allowed him to see any of his mail let alone send his own for the entire summer, so in all truth, the last time he spoke to someone was before Sirius had died. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and then quietly shut the door behind him but then froze as he heard someone coming towards him. He didn't bother to turn around, he knew who they were, could smell them even.

"Potter" Snape drawled and Harry closed his eyes briefly before turning around to face Snape, McGonagall, Dumbledore and Lupin. Damn, he wasn't that late was he? He had missed the entire welcoming feast. He forced a smile as Snape stepped forward "Famous Harry Potter decided to grace us with his presence after then? But where's the flying car? Isn't the knightbus a little below you?" Snape sneered in mock horror. Harry tilted his head to the side and locked eyes with the Potions master before nodding, not in the mood for these games.

"Could you come with us please Harry?" Dumbledore asked tiredly and Harry nodded, his eyes softening when they fell on the old man. Dumbledore obviously noticed this because his twinkle returned and he smiled before offered him his hand. Harry hesitated for a minute and then placed his gloved hand in the headmasters. He allowed himself to be gently pulled towards the headmaster's office, trying to contain the flinch at walking faster than his knee would bend.

When they reached the stone gargoyles, Dumbledore gave the password and then rested his hand on Harry's shoulder, looking at him curiously as he tensed and visibly restrained himself from pulling away. As soon as they were in the office, Harry let go of Dumbledore's hand and moved a few steps away, all the time wearing a tight smile. Remus, Snape and McGonagall filed in behind them and all found seats, watching Harry curiously

"Would you like to tell me how you missed the Hogwarts express Harry?" Dumbledore asked softly and Harry tilted his head to the side but said nothing. The headmaster waited for a minute and when he didn't get an answer, he sighed "Well, how about you tell us why you didn't answer any of our letters?" he asked but still only got silence

"Did you even get the letters Potter?" Snape asked slowly as he studied the boy before him intently, Harry shook his head honestly and then arched an eyebrow and looked straight into those blue eyes as he felt the old wizard gently probing at his mental shields. Dumbledore actually looked stunned for a minute before he smiled apologetically and nodded his approval. "Where's your owl Potter?" Snape asked again and Harry closed his eyes briefly, remembering how his uncle had just snapped the poor animals neck

"Dead" he said, his voice hoarse and cold from lack of use, sending shivers down the spines of his teachers. Not one of them wanted to ask how and so they didn't, which Harry was grateful for. Silence fell among them again as the teachers tried to get at least some information out of him

"How are you hurt?" Remus asked and all four teachers then looked at Harry intently. Harry stared at the werewolf blankly for a minute and Remus sighed "I can smell pain Harry and it's coming from you, rather a lot of it" he elaborated and Harry nodded, thinking fast

"Oh, I twisted my ankle running down here, its fine" he said shrugging and then smiled as much as he could. Remus looked at him sceptically whilst the others just accepted his answer. Harry forced himself to stand still and not fidget, wondering what else they would ask him now but Dumbledore just looked at him hard and nodded

"I take it you did not receive your OWL results either?" he asked and Harry shook his head, he had completely forgotten about those, he watched curiously as Dumbledore pulled an envelope out of his drawer and then pushed it across the table, nodding. Harry worried his bottom lip and then stepped forward, trembling with the effort of actually being this close to someone; Dumbledore didn't look like he was going to move away.

As soon as he had the envelope in his hands, he backed away again to a safe distance, ignoring the look of triumph in Dumbledore's eyes before sadness flashed through them and then they went blank. He unfolded the parchment and bit his lip as he read through his results. He had done better than he hoped, even scrapped an O in his potions, which meant he could enter the advanced class, failed history of magic and astronomy but passed all the others, and even get an honour in Defence.

"You'll be happy to know the Quidditch ban has been lifted" McGonagall interrupted with a smile "Also, would you accept the job of Quidditch captain?" she asked, her eyes twinkling and Remus beamed at him proudly but Harry bit his lip and shook his head before looking down at his feet

"No ma'am. Sorry but I think I should concentrate on my studies this year, I – I wont be returning to the team" he said quietly, besides, he couldn't even if he wanted too. There was a rule against people like him playing, he was sure of it and he was too hurt to walk let alone fly...and he seriously did want to concentrate on his work for once. Before McGonagall could swallow a fly and start ranting, Dumbledore pressed a hand on his shoulder again, his eyes flashing briefly as Harry tensed and trembled but said nothing

"Headmaster, professor Snape. I owe you both an apology," he said quietly, lowering his head. He may as well get this over with now. He bit his lip and turned to Dumbledore "I should never have reacted like that last year sir, I was being a foolish child and again I apologise for my behaviour" he said slowly before turning to Snape and looking him in the eye

"I'm sorry for my entire attitude towards you last year professor. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for – what I did. But please, know I am truly sorry. I also apologise for blaming you for Siri, I know that if I had listened to you and had done as I was told, then perhaps it would never have happened but its too late for that now." He paused and met Snape's shocked gaze again "What's my name sir? My first name?" he asked and Snape looked at him suspiciously

"Harry" he said slowly and Harry nodded

"Please remember that. I am not my father, I am nothing like my father and I am rather thankful for that. My cousin Dudley perhaps would seem more of a perfect match. I can only hope my father grew into a better man than he was child." he said quietly. Silence followed his words and then Dumbledore squeezed his shoulder, where his hand still lay

"You didn't hear anything about what has happened over the summer did you?" he asked quietly, his eyes twinkling and Harry shook his head. Frowning in confusion "Sirius was named innocent Harry, Wormtale was caught at the ministry and told all he knew but that's not all. You see Harry, the portal Sirius fell in to was a way into the land of the dead, that's were the ghosts go when they no longer wish to roam about the earth. Harry, Sirius was returned too us" he said softly and then he waved his hand and the office door opened, behind it stood a very healthy looking Sirius.

Harry blinked and stared at him openly for a minute, when Sirius stepped forward to hug him, Harry automatically took a step back and didn't bother to hide it. He smiled softly at his godfather though; he knew it could be nobody else because it even smelt like him. He nodded his head to his godfather and his smile widened fractionally. "Its good to see you Sirius" he said quietly and Sirius grinned before stepping forward again, his smile faltering when Harry took another step away, every one in the room was openly staring at him now but he ignored it and turned to look at Dumbledore again

"Sirius here is sharing the job of defence teacher with Remus Harry, he'll be here all year" he said and Harry's grin widened now, not even slightly fake

"Don't I get a hug Harry?" Sirius asked, holding his arms open as he watched his godson carefully. Harry tensed and bit his lip before nodding and quickly stepping into his godfather's arms. He closed his eyes as those strong arms wrapped around him and his body trembled visibly but he managed to pull away quickly and when he noticed the hurt expression on Sirius's face, he bit his lip and then stepped forward and kissed his cheek quickly before stepping back again

"You must be hungry Harry, here, let me call a house elf" Dumbledore said, eventually breaking the silence. Harry bit his lip, he was in fact hungry but he couldn't eat because then he'd have to stay here longer and besides, he had other reasons too. For instance, his not touching silver would be a big clue for the teachers.

"No I – I ate on the way here sir. I'm just tired, I'd rather go to bed" he said and then smiled in what he hoped was a casual way. Dumbledore smiled at him and nodded

"Sirius, why don't you want young Harry to the common room?" he asked, his eyes twinkling and Sirius nodded before holding out his hand. Harry took it hesitantly and then started to follow Sirius out of the room but then paused and looked over his shoulder. He pulled his hand free and turned around. He stepped up to Snape and bowed low, lying his wand across the palm of his hands

"I formally call for a truce between the Potter and the Snape families. I am willing to take responsibility for all the harm a Potter has caused a Snape and am in your service until that debt is paid. Should you accept" he said, his head still bowed, as the old formality required. The silence in the room was almost deafening as Dumbledore, McGonagall and Remus looked upon Harry with nothing short of pride glowing in their eyes. Both Snape and Sirius were stuttering, completely shocked. Eventually though, Snape stood up and eyed Harry carefully before pulling out his own wand.

"I accept the call of truce offered to me and I declare the debt paid. For each problem a Potter has caused, a Snape has retaliated and therefore we are even." He said and then held out his hand. Harry smiled at him and bowed before taking the hand and shaking it

"Not quite even yet professor. But we will be before I finish school. When you require me for anything, I shall be there. Debt is the worst poverty, after all, a rich man is nothing but a poor man with money" he said and then paused and frowned slightly "I read somewhere that the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life is the source from which self-respect springs. I guess I'll find that out soon" he said and then bowed again, kissed Snape's knuckles and followed Siri from the room.

Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Remus just stared after the boy before exchanging glances "Well...I'd certainly say he grew up a lot this summer" Minerva said quietly after a while, if just to break the silence and the others nodded

"Did anyone else notice the gloved hands and the refusal to touch?" Dumbledore asked and Remus nodded

"Whenever anyone could too close, I could smell the fear in him. Something happened over the summer, he's – different somehow and I'm not sure I want to know how or why" he said quietly and the teachers fell into silence again before Snape scowled and jumped to his feet

"What exactly did the boys parting words mean?" he asked in a low dangerous voice and both Remus and Minerva snickered whilst Dumbledore just beamed at him, his eyes twinkling madly

"He meant my dear Severus, that he does not consider the debt paid on his behalf and therefore he is in your service until you both agree he has done enough"

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As soon as Harry entered the Gryffindor common room, he was surprised to see most of the house still awake and gossiping to himself. That is, until he heard his name. They were obviously waiting for him. Sirius grinned and patted him on the back before escaping, not wanting to be anywhere near when the explosion went off and Hermione started shouting.

All heads turned to look at him and he sighed, he was way too tired for this shite, he was aching and his head felt like it was about to explode. He could feel blood trickling down his back and he was just not in a good mood at all. To think that he had put up with the shit at the Dursleys just because he thought he deserved it and all the while, the man he felt had killed him was here at Hogwarts. He couldn't understand how that was and his mind was trying to get around it, trying to figure it out but he couldn't.

He took a minute to study his two friends; Ron had grown another few inches and was at least six foot tall now, his red hair was longer and he seemed to be going for a Bill look where that was concerned. In his hands he held a book, for once, and that was probably what was so weird about the picture. It seemed Ronnikins had grown up. It also looked like he had filled out some too as it was possible to see the muscles through his clothes.

Hermione had turned into a young woman over the summer; no more did she have the bushy hair and buck teeth. Her hair was long and ruler straight. Her robes seemed to hug her figure and she had curves in all the right places. No wonder Ron had decided to grow up, Hermione had somehow turned hot. Not that she hadn't been pretty before of course, if you liked that sort of thing...She too had her own book on her lap but she had let it fall from her fingers as soon as he had walked in.

Harry let his eyes swim around the room, taking in the familiar faces. Fred and George were sat in the corner with their heads together over some parchment but they too were just staring at him. But their stare wasn't one of irritation or hurt, instead broad grins spread over their faces and they waved to him. Ginny was sat with Neville, surprisingly, though Ginny's glare seemed just as hard as Hermione's. It took Harry all this time to register that the ones in the common room now, the ones waiting for him, where those who attended the DA last year.

Hermione stood up slowly with Ron by her side and they approached him cautiously. Harry tensed, prepared for an even worse headache by the shouting but was surprised by a slap, his head snapped to the side at the force of it and he closed his eyes before nodding slowly to himself. He straightened himself out before turning to face his two – friends – again. But didn't say anything, he held himself still as a fist exploded off his jaw and then he arched an eyebrow before nodding. Still not saying anything, he walked through the silent common room and up the stairs to his dorm, but not before he heard Hermione collapse against Ron and sob on his shoulder.

Harry lay awake for hours that night, even though he was exhausted. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to work out what was going on. Ron and Hermione had obviously got together sometime over the holidays, he had thought they had a thing for each other and was obviously right. He wasn't even that bothered about it, which surprised him slightly, Hermione was pretty yes, but she wasn't for him. He had managed to figure out that men were for him, if his dreams were anything to go by.

He wasn't sure how he felt about Sirius either. They said they had sent owls to him, to tell him but Harry hadn't received any at all because of his uncle. So who's at fault for that? He couldn't help but be angry that none thought it was important enough for them to tell him in person. Well, not exactly angry, he was too weary too be angry anymore. He just couldn't give a shit. He shook his head and sighed, then he grasped his wand and put it under his pillow, not letting go, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.

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"Harry" Neville called; pushing the curtains open to the boy-who-lived's bed and stepped closer. He reached out, about to prod the boy but Harry sat up straight, quicker than one might expect and had his wand out

"_Petrificus Totalus_" Harry shouted before his eyes could even adjust to the light. He watched as Neville fell to the floor and then he winced before scrambling to his feet as fast as he could, unable to contain a wince. He looked at himself briefly to check the concealment and then he performed the counter curse and helped his friend to his feet, apologizing again and again "I'm so sorry Neville"

"S'fine Harry, just remind me not to wake you up again" Neville mumbled as he left the dorms, Harry looked around to see everyone else was gone and he sat down on his bed heavily, shaking his head to try and wake up some. It was a few minutes before he could convince himself to get up again and so he showered quickly and dressed, having no books but the ones he had last year anyway, Harry just grabbed a few bits of parchment, a quill and some ink then headed down to the great hall for breakfast.

He sat down at the other end of the Gryffindor table from where the others were and just looked around, it seemed he couldn't have been more wrong about Ron and Hermione. A lot had definitely happened over the summer as sat at the Gryffindor table was Draco Malfoy and on his knee was Hermione. Next to them was Ron and he was too busy sticking his tongue down Luna Lovegood's throat to notice anything else. Harry felt a pang at his heart, his friends had moved on and had left him behind, he had missed some of what was obviously the best times in the two's lives. It's just as well; someone like him would never be accepted, not even by ones as open-minded as Ron and Hermione.

He looked away when he noticed Malfoy and Hermione watching him and he looked down at the table, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. He stared into his empty plate, trying to fight back the tears and only when he had managed did he look up at the staff table. Sirius, Remus, Snape and Dumbledore were all watching him closely and Harry jumped to his feet quickly before walking out of the room.

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Classes that day were difficult to say the least. Harry couldn't stop his eyes from drifting over to those he had been lucky enough to call friends. Hermione was always sat besides her – boyfriend – Draco and Ron was usually the other side with Neville. Hermione and Draco were watching him carefully, as was Ron at times but Harry always looked away when he met their eyes. They had made their feelings perfectly clear the morning night before. Now Harry sat at the back of the room, alone and started reading whenever he wasn't writing, if just to stop his eyes from staring again.

In potions, Snape hadn't ridiculed him once and had instead taken to watching him intently but Harry did his best to ignore it, that and the feelings that stirred inside him when he saw the man. He made sure never to take off his gloves though and was surprised when none of the teachers made him, at least he could stay away from silver now. He skipped dinner than afternoon and when he returned to his dorm in the evening, he was surprised to see brand new clothes pilled on his bed and books on the floor. He frowned when he saw a note on top of the clothes and he reached forward to unfold it.

Harry

_Obviously, I cannot help you through whatever it is that is troubling you as you are not willing to talk. But, I can do this for you; I went to London to buy what you need for the school year as well as some decent clothes. I hope you will not take offence but I will not take no for an answer, these are now yours – it is the least I can do. Harry, please remember I'm right here when you need to speak to me, about anything. I miss you, miss speaking to you and now we don't have to do it in secret..._

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_Love you_

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_Siri_

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Harry smiled slightly at that and sighed before he started to put the clothes away. He was more than grateful; he hardly had any clothes with him but what was already in his trunk before he had to leave. It was nice to know that at least one person wasn't so ready to give up on him just like that. He stroked one of the shirts and his smile widened, his first true smile in what felt like ages.


	2. Chapter Two

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_**In the Eye of the Wolf**_

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_**Written by Becca**_

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**_Disclaimer:_** I own nothing you recognize

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Chapter Two

As the days went on, Harry retreated further into himself and managed to get into a sort of routine. He would wake before any of the others and be gone before they even stirred; he never talked to anyone anymore and answered with a nod of his head and he always seemed to have his nose buried in a book. He didn't eat in the great hall and when Sirius or one of the other teachers dragged him there, he simply sat quietly and read. Once every two days he would go to the kitchens after nightfall and have dobby get him a sandwich. He attended all of his lessons and then spent the rest of his time either in the library or sat by the lake reading.

It had been two weeks now since the start of term and everyone had grown used to seeing the famous Harry Potter sat in a dark corner reading. They had even grown used to seeing him alone and never bothered to try and placate him with inane conversation anymore. It had taken his friends two minutes of seeing him to turn their back on him and it had taken the rest of the school a fortnight, something seemed a little off about that but Harry couldn't care less.

His grades rose drastically as he had nothing better to do than study. As the full moon loomed ever closer though, Harry grew tired much more often, he was sick at least three times a day and he basically felt like shit. Of course, no one else knew this and Harry worked hard to keep it that way. He didn't think he realized how hard this would be when he decided to return, though even if he did, he had nowhere else to go.

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Ron, Hermione, Draco and Luna were sat in the library after curfew. They had returned here every night for over a week now, trying to find some answers. They could all plainly see that there was something different about Harry, something he wasn't telling anyone but the only problem was finding that out. It was Luna who had set them on this particular track now, surprisingly enough.

She seemed to think Harry wasn't human anymore

Which of course, was preposterous

But the more they thought about it, the more they started to agree with her. A nagging voice in their minds and the sinking of their hearts had indicated that perhaps they should look. The more they read, the more they felt something twisting and gnawing in their stomachs and they couldn't fight it.

"Oh Merlin, remind me to give Lupin a medal" Draco said as he stared down at the page he was reading with wide eyes. "It is compared on the pain scale. Where Cruciatus curse hits the 10, the first transformation into a werewolf is double that. Less than 50% survive the first transformation and if they do, then the 'cub' inside makes the werewolf feel extremely insecure, to read more about this, turn to page 345"

They read through the needs of a new werewolf as well as the symptoms and what they went through around the full moon in detail from many books, hardly daring to believe the horror of the curse. Though thankfully, Harry didn't fit many of the symptoms they had found and so not one of them believed him unlucky enough to be stuck with that. But still, they couldn't dispel the idea and they wouldn't...just in case.

"Well. We'll be able to rule that out in just over a week anyway. We'll have to watch him close to see where he is on the full moon," Hermione said with a tight smile. Draco, Ron and Luna nodded, still staring down at the book in shock. Draco sighed and shook his head before throwing the book down on the table and picking up the next, this time looking at vampires.

"Maybe we should start preparing...for the worst, you know? I mean, what if – if he is...one of them? What are we going to do? How can we help him?" Ron asked, saying what they all were thinking. Hermione sighed and sat back in her chair, crossing her legs whilst she thought deeply about his question, even if she knew the answer.

"I know what I'm going to do. The same thing his father did for professor Lupin. The question is, do you three want to do the same? Do you want to take a risk like that?" she asked with a shrug, Draco, Ron and Luna exchanged looks and then stared at her as if she had lost her mind

"But, we're in our sixth year and that took the marauders the best part of five years...we haven't got time..." Ron said softly, but Hermione just smirked

"They didn't have me with them now did they? Things have changed since that time anyway; there are potions and charms that help the transformation along. If we start now and work on it every night for the next three maybe four months, I say we could have it done by then. Besides, even if we cant, life doesn't stop after Hogwarts Ron, we're not going to leave him just because school has finished"

"But – what, what if he is – one of those? I mean, what happens if he goes on the full moon but doesn't come back? What if he doesn't survive it? The book says that the ones who are alone the first time are more at risk of losing their mind..." Draco asked, swallowing hard. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Harry yet this year, but he still cared about the boy. Things had changed drastically over the summer holidays and before the first month was over, Draco found himself staying at the order headquarters with broken legs and god only knows what else.

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Harry heaved until he was choking up blood. He was on his knees in the bathroom and had his head over the toilet, coughing and spluttering. When there was nothing left to come up, he fell back and leant his head against the door, breathing heavily and staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't stop his mind from wandering forward to three days time. he had read everything he could find on the subject and to say he wasn't looking forward to it was an understatement.

He hadn't bothered to heal his injuries from the summer, as he would just have to do so again after his transformation. He had lost a lot of blood though and was constantly light headed, when he stood up, he had to just stand still and let the dizziness pass. He couldn't remember how it felt to be healthy. He was terrified to put it simply and he had even thought about going to Snape and begging him for the wolfbane potion, but he shook that away quickly, he couldn't do that.

He knew that with the potion, the pain lessened by a full three-quarters and he would be able to keep his mind. But to get the potion would mean he would have to tell Snape and Snape would tell Dumbledore, and Dumbledore would tell Sirius and before long, everyone would know what he was. He wasn't ashamed, because he liked Remus and he knew it was possible to still be a good man, but he was scared of how people would treat him, he wasn't ready for that yet. They wouldn't understand why he had ran away and so he would have to tell them the full story and they probably wouldn't believe him...

He would have to go to the shrieking shack tomorrow to put up a load of new wards. He wouldn't risk anything and he had spent most of his free time now learning up on locking spells and the like. He knew he could lock the door to stop even Dumbledore from entering. It was times like now that Harry was glad for his power, without it, he didn't know what he would do.

He felt guilty about locking the werewolf out of his shack but Remus had the potion and could keep his mind whilst Harry couldn't. He just hoped to god that the Defence teacher didn't forget to take it, he would never forgive himself if he had. Remus would understand when it all came clear...hopefully. There was just nowhere else Harry could go. He would take the marauders map with him of course so that nobody could find him...

Merlin, he was petrified.

He closed his eyes as he could feel his stomach twitching; he had nothing left to throw up anymore, he had never felt so weak and light before. He was sure that he would be swept off his feet and pushed a good few miles in the next gust of wind that came along. He pushed himself to his feet shakily and leant against the door with his eyes closed, trying to get his balance. As he stood there, he couldn't stop his mind from flashing back to when everything in his life had all gone so wrong...

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_Harry ran as fast as he could from the Dursleys house. It__ was in the dead of the night and he was terrified. He looked over his shoulder, his heart beating fast and he nearly cried when he saw his uncle chasing him. He was never going to escape from this, he would be killed before he even reached his sixth year at Hogwarts and there was nothing he could do...not that he didn't deserve it of course. _

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_He couldn't live like this anymore. He collapsed to the floor at the end of Private Drive, unable to go any further and tucked his knees under his chin as he let his tears fall. Every single night now, every single night...it hurt so much and he could do nothing but just lie there and hope it finished soon, hope that there wouldn't be additional kicks, hope that his uncle wasn't in too good a mood or too bad a mood..._

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_Behind him he heard the shout of his uncle and as he looked over his shoulder, he could see the man gaining on him. Harry closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to his knee and willed himself away, practically begging his own mind to think of something to save him. He gave in after a minute and kept his eyes closed, waiting for the hit he was positive he would receive. He found it rather ironic, even if no one else did, Harry Potter – the boy-who-lived, killed by a muggle when the Dark Lord himself couldn't manage it. Oh, it would be worth it just to see the look on old Voldemort's face..._

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_His eyes screwed shut and his body rigid, Harry waited...and waited...and waited for this next blow but when it didn't come, he frowned and listened carefully. He hadn't heard a shout from his uncle for a good five minutes now actually...why wasn't he being dragged back into the Dursleys house and painfully murdered? Why wasn't he being punched and kicked for even daring to run? Why wasn't he in his cupboard, bleeding to death? He didn't dare to open his eyes in case his uncle was stood in front of him...he certainly didn't want the last thing he saw before he died to be his uncle's face..._

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_After a minute, he had no other choice and so he slowly cracked one eye open, followed by the other and he just stared in shock. He seemed to be in the middle of a forest, fuck knows where. All he could see around him were tree's, stretching up tall over him, covering the night's sky with their leaves. He frowned and pushed himself to his feet carefully and then looked around as much as he could in the dark. He held his arm cradled against his stomach and staggered forward...maybe he should get out of the forest before he thought about collapsing again..._

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_He walked slowly, trying not to make a single noise. Of all the places for him to end up, this had to be one of the worst. What on earth made him come here at all? He had obviously apparated somehow but what the fuck was he thinking about forests for? That was just totally stupid. He needed to get somewhere that could be at least remotely safe, especially with Voldemort on the loose. _

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_He heard a noise behind him and jumped around, not caring about all the broken bones he has just jarred as his eyes shot open wide with horror. He heard a loud, long howl and quickly looked up to the sky, trembling when he saw the full moon. _

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_He turned quickly and stumbled over a large root before dragging himself up and forward again. Running as fast as his injured body would allow, through the trees and bushes. Some part of him was aware of the noise he was making but he couldn't get himself to calm down. Eventually he tripped over another root and he fell to his knees. He buried his head in his hands and cried silently to himself, when he heard a twig snap near him, he slowly lifted his head and looked into the eyes of a wolf. _

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_He tried to stand but fell back down immediately and before he knew it, he was lying on his back and the wolf had its two front paws on his chest, sniffing at him carefully. Harry swallowed hard and bit his lip, not moving a muscle. When the thing growled at him, he whimpered and snapped his eyes closed _

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"_Please no, not now, please" he whispered, unable to believe he had just escaped from death into something much worse. "Please!" he choked and then did something he would regret for the rest of his life. He struggled. He wriggled out from under the wolf and then jumped to his feet, crying out as teeth sank into his arm and he fell to his knees again, uncaring and not bothering to fight as those same teeth tore at his neck and he fell into the darkness._

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_Harry groaned and shifted as he opened his eyes. He tried to struggle straight away when he saw he was in the arms of a hooded man. He was weak though and he couldn't even manage to sit up. The man saw he was a wake and laid him down on a bed, he didn't remove his hood but he took hooded hands to Harry's face and cupped his cheeks, looking into his eyes. Harry swallowed hard, fear evident in his emerald eyes_

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"_I-" the man started roughly and then shook his head, stroking Harry's cheek gently "I- Merlin there are no words that could express my sorrow young one" he whispered again, his fingers lightly trailing over Harry's lips and down his neck. A tear fell on Harry's forehead and he frowned, wondering just who the hell this was, but then he remembered the night before and he swallowed hard, knowing immediately who this was._

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"_I'm so sorry" the man mumbled, pressing a kiss to his forehead and then his cheek and then on his lips. Harry just lay there; tense, wondering what the hell he was doing. Finally, the man pulled back and turned to leave, Harry lifted his head as much as he could, suddenly much more afraid than he had been when the man was touching him _

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"_No! Please don't leave me!" he choked. The man stopped at the door and turned to look at him, Harry watched as his eyes flickered up to the scar before he shook his head and sighed. He moved to sit besides Harry and started stroking his cheek again; wiping away a tear Harry didn't know was there. _

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"_I have a wife, kids. I can't cope with this Harry. I can't deal with the extra responsibility... if you were anyone else, anyone but Harry Potter...we would have given it much more thought. I'm sorry, I cant...this room, its been paid for until the end of the week...I have to leave before anyone sees me" and then he left. _

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Harry sighed as he stared down at the huge bite in his arm, that didn't even appear to have started healing yet whilst the wounds he had received from the Dursleys were at least attempting to. He never did find out the name of the man who had ruined his life so... oh no, he wasn't naïve enough to blame the man for what had happened, it had been his fault more than anybody's and he knew that not everybody could get the wolfbane potion. What he blamed the man for though was not killing him when he had the chance.

He shook his head and pushed the door to the toilet cubicle open and slowly moved towards the sink to wash his hands. Draco Malfoy was washing his hands too and Harry pointedly ignored the look pity he received. His stomach clenched and his eyes opened with as he turned quickly and dove back in to the toilet, just getting his head over the basin before he threw up the rest of what he had eaten two nights ago but mostly blood. His throat was raw by the time he had finished dry heaving and only then did he notice the hand stroking his back soothingly.

He jumped away from the contact immediately and had his wand pointed at the blonde Slytherin before either of them could blink. When he realised what he had done, he shook his head and put his wand away again before washing his hands once more. He could feel those grey eyes on him as he moved but didn't dare look up. Eventually the blonde spoke.

"Harry, I – don't you think you should be in the hospital wing? What's wrong?" he asked, Harry turned quickly, jumping at the sound of another voice directed at him even if he was expecting it. He shook his head furiously and barely managed to suppress a wince by grabbing his stomach

"No. I – I'm fine. Really. Just something I ate. I have to go" he said and then moved faster than he was really able and wrenched open the door.

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Harry awoke – or stopped pretending to sleep – at five the next morning. He had work to do today before lessons, as the full moon would be the very next night. He had to prepare. Not only did he have set up the wards but he also had to find an alibi. Where he was going to get one of those, he didn't know. He slipped out from under the covers and shivered as a breeze passed him. He dressed up warmly and wrapped his invisibility cloak tightly around him, grabbing the marauders map on the way.

He knew he needed to be careful because all of the teachers had watched his strength deteriorate carefully and he knew there was only a matter of time before they found out what was wrong with him anyway. His appetite had increased almost triple his usual amount as well but that may have something to do with not being able to keep anything down. He opened the portrait hole and slipped out but stopped quickly when the Fat Lady started to say something, he slipped the hood off and allowed his head to appear

"Please. I'm sorry to wake you my lady, but please, don't tell anyone about my leaving. I need – I have to – please?" he asked, stuttering over his words. He knew the fat lady had a soft spot for him anyway; she had liked his mother, even if she couldn't stand his father. He had had to listen to this the last time he wanted to sneak out. He watched her eyes soften and she nodded, pressing a finger to her lips. Harry smiled and blew her a kiss before throwing his hood up again and quietly sneaking down the stairs.

He managed to get to the entrance hall without any trouble whatsoever but when he was there, just about to open the door, he saw Snape approaching from the dungeons passage and he pressed himself tight against the wall and held his breath for as long as he could. He watched the dot on the map come closer until he could see the man and he winced when Snape stopped, not so far in front of him and looked around with narrowed eyes. He forgot that Snape seemed to have a second sense when it came to invisibility cloaks, who could blame him after what James did?

Finally, after what felt like hours to Harry, Snape turned on his heel and carried on up the steps to the next corridor. Harry waited until he was out of the way before pulling the huge front doors open and slipping out quickly. Only when they were shut again did he allow himself to breath a sigh of relief. He walked slowly and carefully across the grounds of Hogwarts until he came to the Whomping Willow and then he searched for a stick to prod at the knot.

Once he was inside the shrieking shack, he warded every single room shut and locked before he went to the one furthest from the entrance. There, he threw up a strong silencing charm, a spell to make sure that he wasn't able to break any of the furniture and an even stronger unbreakable charm on the door. With that done, he finally placed locking charms on the door and on the window and then looked around, checking he had done everything that was possible.

He placed up a few disillusion charms around the outside of the willow as well as a repelling charm. With that done, he looked at his watch and saw that he was late for his first lesson, again. He was completely and utterly drained of all energy but he knew he could not miss this day, especially this lesson, as it was Defence Against the Dark Arts with Sirius and Remus.

He hurried back inside the castle and folded his invisibility cloak under his bed before grabbing his book bag and then he groaned. Gryffindor house was already pissed at him for the amount of points he had lost this week alone, always late, always day-dreaming (staring off into space, pissing himself as he thought of what was coming up) or always falling asleep. He sighed and paused outside of the door to straighten his robes before walking inside, he murmured his apologies to his two teachers but he noticed Remus's head had snapped up when he entered and the werewolf was sniffing with narrowed eyes. Harry quickly waved his hand to mask his scent and breathed a sigh of relief.

He sat in the back of the room again and drifted between the darkness and reality. He was aware of the intensity in which his two teachers were watching and so he tried his hardest to make himself seem more awake than he was. He hated his life.

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Harry found Colin Creevey as soon as classes had finished and dragged the boy into an unused classroom. When inside, he threw up a strong silencing charm and then turned to the confused Gryffindor and studied him carefully. If there were anyone he could trust for this, it would have to be Colin. "I need to ask you a favour Colin," he said desperately and then sighed at the utter bewildered expression the boy now wore. Colin was a pain in the ass but he was as loyal as they come and so when he nodded, Harry smiled at him softly "Tomorrow night, I need you to disappear from sight...Don't let anyone see you. Not Gryffindors or any other houses and _especially_ not teachers. I'll lend you my invisibility cloak even to help. This is really, really important," he said, stressing each word carefully.

"But- why?" he asked and Harry sighed,

"I- there's something I need to do tomorrow and I wont be back 'til sunrise. Please just disappear and then when someone asks where you were the day after, say that you were with me the whole night in a classroom, I don't know, say I was tutoring you in potions or Defence or something but this is really important to me..." he begged and Colin nodded hesitantly.

"Ok I promise I'll remain hidden and then say you were with me the whole time. No matter what, you can count on me" he said with determination and Harry breathed a sigh of relief

"You don't know how much this means to me" he said and Colin nodded, beaming. Harry smiled at him once more and slipped from the room. If he managed to keep his secret long enough, maybe he could use Colin's tutoring as an excuse next month too. As soon as he had left the room, his stomach clenched and churned and Harry groaned before heading slowly towards the nearest toilet.

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"He has nearly all of the symptoms. I think we should tell someone – Lupin or Dumbledore" Draco said as they met once again for their nightly searches. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at him in surprise.

"Shouldn't we wait until tomorrow night? To be sure?" Luna asked cautiously and Hermione sighed, leaning back in her chair and contemplating the situation

"The thing is. If we wait until tomorrow to see if he leaves, then he may not return. If we tell someone now, we may be wrong but if we're not, they may be able to do something to help him...but if we do tell and we are wrong, he may never speak to us again" she said, thinking aloud and the others nodded with her, each lost in their own thoughts

"Well...he seemed better today didn't he? In classes, I mean, better than yesterday anyway. Maybe we should just – hope for the best and if we notice him leave tomorrow, we'll go straight to Dumbledore..." Ron suggested


	3. Chapter Three

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_**In the Eye of the Wolf**_

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_**Written by Becca**_

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**_Disclaimer_**: I own nothing you recognise.

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Chapter Three

The day had a come and Harry couldn't even drag himself out of bed. He had to crawl out on his hands and knees and then just stay there for a few minutes before he managed to push himself onto his feet. Even now he didn't blame the one who bit him for this but his own stupidity instead. He crawled into the shower and headed to the first class of the day, Defence.

He was so tired now, so _so_ tired and so cold. He was hungry but he couldn't eat, he was in pain, more so than even a week ago, he thought maybe some of the wounds from the Dursleys had managed to get infected. He didn't particularly care. Right now, he just wanted it all to end - he wanted to die. He managed to get to class on time for once and noticed immediately that Remus wasn't there; he was probably wrapped up in his nice and warm bed, sleeping away his exhaustion. Lucky bastard. Harry smiled bitterly as he sat down at the back and then propped a book up in front of him and hid behind it as he rested his head on his arm and closed his eyes.He was awoken twenty minutes later by a rather upset looking Sirius "If my class is really that boring Harry, you can leave" he said stiffly and Harry winced. What a way to convince his godfather that he had what it took to be a teacher. He sat up immediately and smiled sheepishly"I'm really sorry Sirius, really. I... I hardly got any sleep last night and I'm exhausted. I wont do it again," he said quietly before grabbed his parchment and quill. Sirius nodded, looking a little relieved but still upset and then went on. Harry forced himself to keep his eyes open for the rest of the lesson and was the first out of the class when the bell rang.The rest of the day was just as much hell, it felt like the longest day in the year and Harry managed to lose Gryffindor a total of one hundred points before the final bell rang. Needless to say, Gryffindor house was not at all happy with him and nearly all of them were giving him the cold shoulder.Harry moved through the corridors as quickly as he could. He wanted to slip out of the castle whilst there were people around so that he wouldn't be missed immediately. He thought about getting something to eat but decided against that. His stomach seemed somewhat settled and he wanted to keep it that way. At five pm Harry handed the invisibility cloak to Colin and thanked him again before making his way silently through the halls. He wasn't sure when exactly the transformation would start and so wanted to make sure he was locked away. He managed to get out into the grounds without seeing anybody in particular and then made as if to sit by the lake. He looked around when he was there and grabbed the twig he had hidden to poke the knot on the tree before slipping inside.

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Colin looked down at the cloak in his hands before biting his lip. He wanted to make Harry proud of him, but he wanted to do what was right. He couldn't guess what Harry was doing now, but he obviously wasn't suppost to be... Maybe he had gone after Voldemort! Maybe he had decided to finish it, but well, he wouldn't do that...would he? He wasn't _that_ stupid... was he? Maybe Harry would forgive him if he talked to the headmaster...Dumbledore would probably know what was happening anyway and would just tell him to continue, Harry and the headmaster were close...

With that decided, Colin turned and quickly ran up to the headmasters office only to realise he didn't have the password. He knocked on the stone gargoyle hesitantly and then on the wall, jumping back with his hand clutched over his heart as the gargoyle decided to move and the door opened. Without pausing for thought, Colin ran up the stairs and knocked on an actual door when he reached the top."Enter Mr. Creevey" and wasn't it just freaky how the headmaster did that? Shuddering, Colin pushed the door open and stepped inside, surprised to see Professors Snape, McGonagall, Lupin and Black there as well. He hesitated for a minute and then looked at the headmaster and worried his bottom lip. Perhaps this hadn't been a good idea after all..."Professor Dumbledore? I... I just... I was wondering if I could speak with you sir? But I can come back?" he stuttered and then turned to leave quickly"Is that Harry's cloak young Colin?" Dumbledore's voice stopped him in mid-step and Colin nodded before turning back around and looking down at the material in his hands "I assure you Mr. Creevey, all in this room are here for the same reason. That of course, is worrying over our young Mr. Potter" Dumbledore said gently"You mean you don't know?" Colin blurted out before he could think. He had seriously expected Dumbledore to know what Harry was doing and just tell him to carry on with his plans. "It doesn't matter then sir. I'm sorry to bother you" he said and turned again, he knew he shouldn't have come, now he had gone and done exactly what Harry told him not too. The door swung shut before he could leave"Know what Colin? I must insist you tell us everything" Dumbledore said again, his voice a little firmer and Colin winced"I... I cant sir. I promised. I thought you knew... I gave my word""How Gryffindor of you" Snape sneered and then sat back and crossed his arms when Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at him."I really must insist you tell us Mr. Creevey. Harry may be in great peril," he said firmly and Colin bit his lip harder. He wanted to make Harry proud of him and prove he can be trusted but he also wanted to help Harry and if this was the only way, then perhaps he had no choice. Not that he did anyway; it didn't look like he was getting out of this room until he had told them. He looked at Professor Black and saw the pleading and the grief in his eyes and he gave in then, he knew Harry cared for his godfather and vice versa."He asked me to take his cloak and remain hidden until he returned at sunrise sir. He said that if anybody asked, I was to say that he was with me all night. He said it was really important and he sounded really upset and desperate. I thought you might know professor so I came to ask if perhaps he'd gone after you-know-who. He was really upset and he seemed scared..." he blathered on but from the looks on the teachers faces, it seemed they had found what they had needed"Thank you Mr. Creevey. If you could return to your dormitory and take 30 points for Gryffindor - Leave the cloak here" Dumbledore interrupted. Colin was about to protest but when he saw the pure grief on the teacher's faces, he put the cloak on the chair and turned to leave a third time. "Tell no one Colin, not even your brother" nodding again, Colin left and the teachers turned to look at each other"He wouldn't, would he? He must know of the danger...he would have told us something like this" Remus said, interrupted the awkward silence."If I know Harry, he has taken care of the danger already, well, the danger towards others. I think we are all agreed now on what is wrong with our young friend. My main concern is his being down there, alone, with no painkiller of any sort for his first transformation. Less than 50% survive..." Dumbledore said wearily. Snape, Sirius and Remus jumped to their feet before the headmaster had even finished and had run out of the room."You have taken you're wolfbane right?" Snape asked, as he jogged to keep up. Remus nodded without hesitation "Potter hasn't. it isn't safe for Black or I to enter, you will be on your own Lupin. We'll be waiting outside"

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Harry walked quietly through the shrieking shack, his entire body trembling more than he thought was possible as he checked and rechecked the sealed doors. Then he stepped into the room furthest away and shut the door behind him before tracing along the whole doorframe with his wand, watching as it magically sealed. Now, he could be satisfied that nobody, not even Dumbledore, could get in there.

He looked around his room that could just very well be his grave. He didn't want to live through this night, he had already decided that much. He couldn't cope with this every single month; he wasn't as strong as Remus nor did he want to be. He recast the unbreakable charm on the furniture, the window and the door again before he allowed himself to sink to the floor in the corner of the room and tuck his knees under his chin.He wondered if anyone would ever realise where he had gone. Would this forever be the place his body lay when he died? Would anybody be able to break through his spells and give him a proper burial? Part of him hoped so, though he didn't like to think about that, because that meant that if they could break down the door to get him out of there once dead, they could break down the door when he was transformed. He hoped he didn't manage to reach a full transformation, he had been a bit touchy about his mind since last year and the thought of giving it over to the wolf was what terrified him the most, apart from the pain of course. How he hated pain.How could Remus live, knowing that it was just going to happen again the next month, and again after that until he died? He hugged his knees to his chest and starting rocking backwards and forwards as the tears fell. He had nothing to live for now anyway, no friends, no family, nothing. He was well and truly alone; he would not regret or begrudge his peace at the end of this night. He couldn't help but wonder if that was what the Longbottom's had thought before they were driven mad. Did they still have their thoughts; did they know that they were incapable of moving...of speaking? Did they know their son was now sixteen years old and extremely lucky to have escaped one of the worst prophecies's known to man?Well, ok, it probably wasn't the worst, but when one is told to kill or die in said prophecy, one is allowed to think it the worst, even if they are not allowed to be bitter. He didn't even bother to fight the tears as they fell and as he sat there, lost in his own fears, darkness crept up on him and his entire body went rigid. He clenched his teeth together and the transformation started.As pain coursed through him, he realised how truly alone he was. No friends had come with him, no godfather, no Sirius, no nobody. Before long, he couldn't hold in his scream and it burst from his lips. He tried to curl up into a tight ball, but that didn't work and he had to lie straight. Bones snapped one by one and Harry screamed his throat raw. His face lengthened and then shortened again, changing from wolf to human and back again before it lengthened a final time. His hands snapped into paws and long, sharp claws ripped through the tips of his fingers.His scream turned into a howl halfway through as his spine snapped, piercing through his skin and then his arms and his legs. Harry cried out until he was choking on blood, the howls and whines escaping from him sent terror filled shivers through his body as his bones snapped, then snapped back into place again. Fur grew from his hands, then his arms, his face, his chest, everywhere. He tore through his school robes, his emerald eyes fixed on the wall in front of him in fear. He wanted it to stop, stop and never ever happen again. A raw hunger churned in his stomach, gnawing at his insides as the wolf took over, Harry had time to scream once more before he fell into the darkness, hoping never again to wake.

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Harry awoke upon feeling the first ray of sunlight hit him and he opened his eyes and managed to climb to his knees. He looked down at his hands and was surprised to see paws. Then he went rigid again and howled as his body changed back. His howls turned to screams and his bones snapped back into place. His head shrunk to its normal size and his spine cracked and groaned before it was fixed. There was a puddle of blood where he lay and his robes were torn to pieces. The first transformation was over and he had survived.

Harry curled up into a tight ball in the corner of the room and tucked his head in, unable to believe his bad luck. He had survived. He let the tears fall again and small whimpers escaped his throat but he found he could not speak, nor make any other sound. His throat had literally been torn to shreds with his screams and he could not even place the Advada Kedavra curse on himself.Resigned to his fate and determined that he would not be alive for the next full moon. Harry forced himself onto his knees and then his feet. He hadn't expected to live, but now he had, he needed to deal with the consequences. He needed to relieve Colin and then he needed to heal as much as he could before going to lessons. As much as he would rather curl up in a dark corridor, he knew that his attending these lessons would be vital in keeping his secret. He didn't even bother to try and fix his robes and instead tied the most decent part of his shirt around his most vital bits and then grasped his wand.He paused before he opened the door to close his eyes and take several deep breaths. It was over, the first one was over and it would be his last. He unsealed the door and took off the several locking charms before pulling it open. The last thing he expecting to see upon stepping out in the corridor of the shack was Remus, Sirius and professor Snape. He stopped and just stared at them for a minute, all three of them were sat on the floor and fast asleep. If he could find it in himself, he would perhaps have been amused by the way that Sirius's head was leaning on Snape's shoulder. Instead, he felt an unexpected jealousy rise in his chest before he managed to push it back down.He had been so careful, surely they couldn't have found out, could they? And what was Snape doing here? No, they must just have come to use the room and couldn't get further. If he sneaked out now without waking them then he may be able to get away with it. Taking a deep breath he took a step forward on his tiptoes and then held his breath as he avoiding stepping on one of the three professors.He winced as pain spread through him and quickly slapped his hand over his mouth to stop the small whimper from escaping. Just a few more steps now and he was in the clear. He kept his eyes firmly fixed on the wall ahead and his hand over his mouth and nose as he moved, he froze as one of the floorboards creaked and tensed but after a minute of not hearing a thing, he took another step and grabbed hold of the banister"And where do you think you are going?" someone asked and Harry's shoulders slumped in defeat, he should have known, it would be a miracle to sneak past a spy. He quickly cast a wandless concealment charm and then turned to look at Snape and smiled beautiful with a 'butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-mouth' look but that faltered when he saw Remus and Sirius jump awake too"I... I was just coming to see how you were" he said quickly and Merlin! Each word was like a thousand razor blades slicing at his throat, tears sprung to his eyes but he managed to force them back. The three professors stared at him blankly, obviously not believing a word he said"If that is so, why were you walking away, why were you sneaking and most importantly, why is the door open now when it has been locked all night?" Snape asked, arching an eyebrow and Harry thought quickly, tensing as he had to brave speaking again."I was helping Colin study most of the night, ask him yourself. I was walking away because you were asleep and I didn't want to disturb you and the door was open when I came here" he said shrugging, and even that small movement send unbelievable pain through him! Well, the last one was true as was the second one. He was trying not to disturb them...he quickly turned back to the stairs and smiled again "I'll just be going now...good morning" he said and then moved to run down the stairs but was stopped by a freezing charm.

"Sorry Harry, you're caught." Remus said climbing to his feet, his eyes shining with unshed tears as he looked upon his best friends son. He lent forward and tipped the frozen boy arms before making for the exit. Not one of the professors spoke on the way back to the castle.

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**_Author Notes:_** I thought it was obvious why Ron and Hermione had slapped Harry, they had been worried, he hadn't replied to a single of their letters, he'd missed the Hogwarts Express and they hit him without thinking. They are working to try and find what is wrong with him because he is still their friend and they love him. The only time they could have shown differently was when they hit him that first night but Harry wont let them close because he's never there...always studying or in bed or something...--shrugs--

Thanks all of you for your reviews, they are muchly appreciated --grins--


	4. Chapter Four

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost_.

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Chapter Four 

In the hospital wing, Harry was released from the charm and he stood, watching as Sirius locked the only way out. He was surprised to see Dumbledore and Poppy already waiting but he couldn't quite comprehend the fact that he had been caught. He had been so careful, had forced himself to get out of bed so many times and besides! If they knew what he was, why had they waited until the full moon to act? Why couldn't they have helped him earlier? He could have had the potion if they had just said they knew...

He didn't bother trying to escape and he fidgeted slightly, biting his bottom lip as the headmaster motioned for him to sit on the bed nearest to him. Harry walked over and stiffly sat on the edge, waiting for what he knew was coming.

"Well, my son. I think it is time you told us what happened, don't you?" Dumbledore asked gently and Harry turned his head to the side in disgust when he saw pity in those blue eyes. He couldn't do this, not yet. He kept telling himself that they didn't know, that they were just trying to trick him but he still couldn't look any of them in the eye.

"I – I just went to see how Professor Lupin was," he said quickly as he stared down at his hands. He cringed as the razors attacked his throat again, and suppressed a shudder when he remembered how his hands had looked the night before. When the other realised they were not going to get a better answer out of him until they had placed the facts in front of him, they sighed. A potion was pushed in front of him before anyone said anything though and Harry looked up to see Snape

"Temporary numbing potion for your throat, until Poppy gets a look at it" he said nodding over to the medi-witch, Harry nodded thankfully and swallowed it, realising what he had just admitted with that small movement alone.

"Firstly you miss the Hogwarts express and do not give us a reason. You become withdrawn, you pull out of your favourite hobby and you push your friends away. That's just for starters," Sirius said firmly, as he sat besides Harry on the bed, but careful not to touch him. Harry looked up at that, frowning slightly

"I didn't push them away, they moved on _willingly_" he said seriously. His teachers frowned but didn't attempt to contradict him yet.

"You're ill the minute you arrive, but grow much worse the day before I myself do. You drag yourself around but obviously are exhausted. You wont eat in the Great Hall and then we get a visit from a very, _very_ concerned house elf telling us that you only eat a sandwich every two days and when he can get you to eat a meal, you wont touch the silver. Then you walked into class and I smelt another wolf, you masked your scent too slowly I'm afraid" Remus said, taking over for Sirius as he sat the other side

"Then, last night we get a visit from a scared Mr. Creevey who believed you had gone after Voldemort on your own. With much persuasion, he tells us you have asked him for an alibi of sorts. And of course, we cannot forget the extra wards that were added to the shrieking shack the day before yesterday nor can we forget your leaving the room..." Dumbledore said and Harry sighed in defeat.

He kept his head lowered as he waved his hand to remove the concealment charm. He couldn't believe how obvious he had been. He felt a hand under his chin and closed his eyes as said hand pushed his head up for all to see. His face was bruised terribly in all different states of healing, there was an old cut over his eyebrow that still hadn't completely healed from when his eyebrow had split open, his nose was still swollen and blue, that was probably broken and he had a fresh cut travelling down the side of his face.

His eyes snapped open when he felt a gentle hand stroking his cheek and he found himself looking into the headmaster's sad blue eyes whilst the others just stared at him in shock "Not all of them are from last night" Dumbledore stated and Harry shook his head, lowering his eyes. Dumbledore ran his fingers over the bruises on his cheek before following them down to his neck, until they disappeared under his robes.

"Don't be mad at me, please don't hate me. Let me explain first" he whispered painfully, still not looking up. Dumbledore nimbly undid the top few buttons of his robes to look at a particularly nasty bruise on his neck, a bruise that went all the way around and had a deep cut in the middle of it from a rope.

"I – the Dursleys. They have always mistreated me, but this summer, my uncle went mad. He would blame me for everything and – and he would beat me every night" he whispered. He tried to lower his head but Dumbledore still held a firm grip of his chin and wouldn't allow it. He swallowed hard and then shrugged "I didn't mind at first, before I came here, before I started Hogwarts, he would beat me once in a while but not often. I thought he would get bored with it again – I thought I _des_- I got scared and I ran away. He was going to kill me," he said, his eyes closed tightly as he remembered, "I was scared but I stayed for as long as I could. Nearly a week before the start of term, everything went worse, my uncle lost his job...he nearly killed me" he said and then swallowed hard, pushing his tears away

"I ran and collapsed at the end of the street, he was chasing me and I couldn't go any further. I apparated somehow, I just wished I was somewhere else and when I dared to open my eyes I was in a forest. It was a full moon, I – I – the wolf came towards me and I fell, he stood on my chest and I panicked. I was stupid and I struggled, he bit me twice" be whispered again and then shook his head "I ran from death into something worse"

"I woke up in the arms of a hooded man, he took me to a small hotel in London and paid for a weeks stay in the room, he said he had a wife and children, said if I was anyone else, they would have considered it but he couldn't help me, he couldn't risk it, he couldn't deal with the responsibility. He apologised over and over and then went. I next woke to someone banging on the door, the week was over and I had to leave"

"Why didn't you tell anyone? About any of this, we could have helped you Harry" Remus said, reaching forward to grip his hand but Harry snatched it back quickly and then sighed, sending an apologetic look to the werewolf

"I just – I wasn't ready to deal with it. To tell you part of it wouldn't have satisfied you, you would have wanted to know why I ran and I just, I guess I was - _am_ ashamed. I was foolish to run anyway and I paid for my stupidity dearly." he muttered and tensed as he felt a hand on his shoulder

"Still, you should have told us Harry, it was dangerous..." Dumbledore started bur Harry's head snapped up and his eyes flashed dangerously

"It was not! I would not have returned if I thought I would be a danger to anyone. There was no way I could get out of that room, surely if three full grown wizards cant get in, then you could agree with me on that" he said firmly but Dumbledore sighed and shook his head, looking into his eyes

"For _you_ Harry, it was dangerous for you" he said firmly. Harry turned his head away, and by doing that, answered the older wizards fears. "You didn't expect to survive did you? You didn't want too..." he whispered. Harry tensed along with the others and he tried to take his chin from the other mans hands as his tears started to fall again.

"I'm not strong, I can't do this, not every month...I just – I cant, I'm not like Remus..." he whispered and then he broke down and buried his head in his hands as he cried "It hurts, it hurts so much. Make it stop, please make it stop" he choked, not even bothering to fight as he was pulled into strong arms. He looked to see he was literally sat on the headmaster's knee and he buried his face in the older wizards robes

"We can fix you up now Harry, we can always make it better afterwards, but we can't make it stop" Albus replied painfully. He would do anything he could for Harry, why did he have to ask for the one thing he _couldn't_ do? For the first time in over 10 years, Albus Dumbledore let loose his own tears as he cradled Harry gently in his arms "We can make it more bearable for you, Severus can make the wolfsbane and you wont be alone, never again, Remus and Sirius will be with you..."

"I'm scared, I'm so scared, don't ever leave me alone. Promise you wont ever leave me" Harry choked and Albus sighed before rubbing his back as lightly as he could as to not hurt him even more. He looked at Remus and then at Sirius and Severus and smiled slightly

"I'll never leave you willingly Harry. Never. Right now though we need to see you, we need to see how injured you are and to get you healed up. You're staying here now my son, you will never return to those muggles whilst I still breathe" he said softly. Harry nodded and took a minute to pull himself together before he slowly climbed off Dumbledore and onto his feet, all four men and the medi-witch jumped up to steady him when he swayed and he smiled tightly at them before closing his eyes and slowly unwrapping what was left of his robes.

He let the material fall to the floor and kept his eyes closed tightly, not even bothering to be embarrassed. He could sense Madame Pomfrey walking around him and then the magical scan and he started to sway. He took his hand up to his throat, it seemed the numbing potion was wearing off and he was going to pay for the words he had just spoken, relatively pain free.

"2 broken ribs, broken nose, left arm, three fingers. Bruising to 97 of the body, deep wounds, 34 of them infected. Bruised kidneys, stomach lining seems to be ripped, throat is...the worst I have ever seen, literally torn to shreds. Newer wounds, bruising along all the bones..." as Poppy listed off his injuries, tears squeezed through his closed eyes and Harry didn't even bother trying to stop them... All these injures and yet he was still unlucky enough to be alive

"Mild case of the wizard flu as well" she said and then sighed, "Lets have a closer look at these wounds." She moved closer and started on his back, he couldn't even bring himself to wince as she prodded "over two dozen on his back, crisscrossed, causing by what looks like a belt and...a whip" finally, Harry forced himself to open his eyes, if just to see what she was doing. His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her talking into the end of her wand.

He looked around at the other faces in the room, tense as he tried to figure out what was going on. He backed away from the medi-witch and his teachers, his eyes shooting from each person to the next until he hit a wall and winced as he leant on some of the wounds on his back.

"What are you doing?" he whispered, Dumbledore stood up and approaching him cautiously before crouching down in front of him until their eyes were level

"We have to make records Harry, of your injuries... The Dursleys must be punished," he said softly and then seeing Harry was about to protest, he hurried to elaborate, "This way, you never have to return and Sirius can finally take over guardianship. You never have to leave Hogwarts again if you don't want too. We have an obligation Harry, why don't you lie down and get some rest whilst we finish up and heal you" he added, opening his arms in invitation. Harry hesitated and bit his lip before stepping towards the old man and allowing himself to be embraced warmly. He felt so secure and well, not alone when he was being held, it was a huge difference to the insecurity and fear of being alone.

"Come my little cub, I will stay with you. I promise" Remus said standing up, he pulled back the covers of the bed and Harry finally moved to slip under, surprised when Remus climbed in after him. Albus tucked them in tightly before pressing a kiss to Harry's forehead and running gentle fingers through his hair.

"I am sorry for not realizing sooner, I should have checked up on you frequently over the years. Know that I love you and will always be here for you," he whispered gently. Harry smiled at him tentatively, relaxing slightly. Sirius stepped up to kiss him next and he embraced his godson as tightly as he dared with tears in his eyes.

"You're not alone" he said firmly and Harry smiled at that, Sirius always seemed to know just what to say and when to say it.

"For as long as I live, never will you go without wolfbane again Pot- Harry." Severus said softly and Harry smiled at him beautifully before sitting up to place a chaste kiss on the potion masters cheek. He turned back to Remus and carefully rested his head on the werewolf's chest and curled up tight against the warm body

"Rest now my cub"

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When Harry awoke, he felt arms around him and immediately tensed. Scared to open his eyes in case he was back at the Dursleys and everything else had been a dream but when those hands didn't hurt him but instead tightened around him, he cracked open an eye and saw he was still in Remus's arms. He smiled slightly at the sleeping werewolf and then bit his lip before snuggling closer to that warm body. When Remus didn't wake up and shout at him for that, he rested his head on his chest and sighed, it was nice to be held.

He felt Remus stretch and yawn besides him and he closed his eyes, not wanting to have to move away yet. Remus chuckled and stroked a hand through his hair and then moved to uncurl himself from him but Harry just tightened his grip, refusing to let go of the warmth and the affection he smelt actually towards him. Remus laughed again but gave in and pulled Harry closer, resting a hand on the small of his back.

"Good Morning my cub. I was beginning to wonder when you would wake up" Remus said softly and Harry whimpered, burying his face into Remus' chest even deeper

"S'not morning, morning means I have to get up" he muttered and smiled slightly when Remus laughed and pulled him closer

"Afraid not Harry, morning means I have to get up but there is no chance Poppy's going to let you go anytime soon. You've had us all worried about you, you've been asleep for over a week now. Siri and I have classes to teach" He said just as softly and watched intently as Harry tensed up at these words and gripped onto him tighter

"Dun' leave me. I – dun' leave me alone" Harry whispered and Remus sighed, his eyes flashing as he thought of what he would do to those Dursleys when he saw them. If it weren't for them, Harry would never, ever be in this predicament. He would kill them, and the werewolf who bit _his_ Harry. If he could, he would kill them all.

"Shh, its ok Harry. I'll call Severus and see if he will sit with you until you sleep. He has a free lesson now anyway. Never fear being along again as we will not leave you." He extracted himself from Harry's arms gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I'll be right back until someone else gets here" he watched Harry watching him carefully as he moved about the room, he and the others had expected this, as all 'new' werewolves were dependant, insecure and almost irrational in their fear of being alone, he himself had been through it. Though it tends to hit people in different stages.

Remus, who had always been pretty close to his family, had only a 'mild' case of the insecurity but Harry, who had always been alone in one sense or the other was likely to be very dependant and need plenty of reassurance. That was why Albus, Severus, Minerva and Siri had spent the previous few nights rearranging the timetables to make sure one of them were with him at all times.

Harry watched as Remus disappeared into the bathroom for a minute but when he didn't reappear in seconds, he felt something like a cloak smothering him. His breathing accelerated and he sat up quickly, his eyes scanning the room for danger, his nostrils flaring for the smell of affection, love... _anything_ but this cold, deafening silence. His body started trembling violently and he curled up into a tight ball to try and fight the tears. All he could think about was how alone he was now, how nobody wanted him and that they were all lying, they didn't care, they didn't love him, not like that had said.

He felt warm arms wrap around him and he stilled completely, opening his senses hesitantly, expecting to feel anger and hatred pouring through to him. His body sagged in relief though as he smelt Remus, warm, secure, inviting and most of all, loving.

Ok, _now_ he felt stupid.

He tried to smile through his tears but Remus just returned it softly and kissed him on the head "Its ok little pup" he whispered, "You'll never be alone again, we wont leave you" Harry sighed and nodded, wiping his tears away and he blushed as he saw Snape watching the two of them closely. Remus tucked Harry in again and then stepped into the corner of the room with Severus. The two just watched as the trembles started up again and then sighed

"It is as we fear. He has been hit hard with the insecurities, we cant leave him alone" Remus said quickly, his eyes never leaving the shaking back of his Harry. "He is terrified of us leaving him, words will not pacify. I'll drop in and tell Albus on my way to class" he added and Severus nodded curtly, watching him as he left the room. When the door was shut, he turned back to Harry and walked closer, awkwardly placing a hand on his back to try and comfort him. When that didn't work, he sat down and gently manipulated the boy into his arms as he had seen Lupin do earlier.

"I'm sorry" Harry said in a small voice as he managed to calm himself down "I cant help it I just...I'm sorry. Will you – will you lie with me?" he added attentively, looking up to meet the potions masters eyes. Severus just stared at him blankly for a minute and then he sent a look to the door before kicking off his shoes with a sigh. He climbed under the covers with the boy and tensed when that beautiful head used his chest for a pillow.

He managed to relax slightly when he heard – and felt – the boys breathing even out and he just studied him closely without having to guard his expression. It had been so long since he had shared a bed with another, or even let one touch him as much as Harry was doing now, and yet he didn't feel as uncomfortable as he had thought he would. Harry was a beautiful boy and Severus couldn't even try to deny it as he looked at him for the first time, as in, actually looked at him.

The unruly hair that he had once despised now fell softly down onto the boy's shoulders. The lithe form muscled from Quidditch (and Merlin knows what else). The angelic features of his face were relaxed in sleep and Severus let his eyes travel down from Harry's neck and onto his bare chest. He closed his eyes and bit back a moan as he realised the boy who was pressed up tight against him now, wore no clothes under those covers.

Sighing, and trying to ignore that piece of information, Severus turned to the side so that he was facing the boy and unconsciously brought him closer as he closed his eyes. He may as well get some sleep, if just to keep his thoughts from forbidden subjects.


	5. Chapter Five

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

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Chapter Five

Severus woke with a warm body tangled in his and his eyes snapped open at the sound of a moan, he jumped when he found himself staring into Harry Potter's face. He just had to stare at the boy for a minute, trying to work out what the hell had happened for him to be sharing the same bed as the bane of his existence. When he remembered, he pulled the boy closer unconsciously and then he lifted an eyebrow when the boy moaned again. His eyes opened wide when he felt something hard pressed against his thigh and he couldn't help but chuckle as he heard another groan.

He took a minute to look at the boy again... The pale skin, lips as red as cherries, the muscled and toned body... His eyes trailed down Harry's bare back and he saw the scars that would always be there, both from the muggles and the transformation. He saw the bite on the boy's neck that still looked fresh, one of the two bites that had – and would again – put the boy through hell. His eyes fluttered shut when the beautiful boy started rubbing against his leg and he moaned when he remembered just what Harry wore – or rather, what he _didn't_ wear.

One's self control turned to dust when one had a creature as exquisite as Harry humping ones leg. Biting his lip, Severus pushed back the covers and he drank in the sight of that lithe form and he bit back another moan when Harry started stroking himself. He looked at Harry's face intently for any signs of his actually being awake when then his eyes rolled back as the boy pressed a palm against Severus's straining cock and started rubbing.

He watched then as Harry continued to stroke himself, arching up into his own hand with his mouth open in a silent moan and Severus couldn't seem to drag his eyes away from that weeping cock. He watched the strokes get faster and then the hand that was rubbing him quickened. He let his head fall back against the pillow and he moaned loudly, spreading his legs slightly before he could stop himself.

Ok, he really should do something to stop this

And _Merlin_ that shouldn't feel so good!

"_Sev'rus_" Harry hissed and Severus moaned again as his name left those kissable lips and then the boy was coming and hard. Quickly, Severus pulled the covers back over them and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep if just to save the boy some embarrassment, he noticed (with some satisfaction) though that the hand rubbing him through his robes had not retreated.

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Harry snapped his eyes open and sat up in bed, he looked on in horror at the professor lying besides him and nearly whimpered. He couldn't believe he had just come, in a bed, with the man of his dreams. He looked closely at Snape's face and was relieved to see the man was still asleep and then he froze again when he felt his hand nudge something hard. Swallowing hard, Harry glanced at Snape's face again and then pushed back the covers, his jaw dropping when he saw where he had his hand.

He jumped when he heard a groan pass those lips and then he looked on curiously, the man who had so much control, who tried so hard to pretend he wasn't human, was asleep and aroused, maybe... _Maybe_ if he just kept his hand there and rubbed a little then he would get to see the man lose all control... He worried his bottom lip as he considered this and then looked back down at his hand, he wished he could just open those robes but no... He knew the man would wake at that.

He shifted and gently rested his head on Snape's stomach and then very slowly, pressed his palm down against the erection, watching intently and trying to picture what it may look like under the robes. He heard the man moan again and then sat up, his eyes flickered from both Snape's groin to his face and back again as he applied more pressure and rubbed a little faster. Merlin, he had dreamt about the man for a good few months now but he knew that someone like Severus Snape would never want anyone like him.

He traced the shape of the erection lightly with his fingers, picturing it in his mind. He felt himself getting hard again, just at the thought of what he was doing, and he took his free hand to his own rapidly growing arousal, squeezing it slightly and letting a soft moan escape his lips. He pressed down harder on Snape and savoured the sound he received in reward. He rubbed harder and faster, his eyes shooting back from face to erection as he watched the potions master's breathing accelerate and then he felt – and smelt – it as Severus came.

He waved his hand without thinking and quickly cast a wandless cleaning charm before pulling the covers up when he heard the sound of footsteps outside. Before he could close his eyes and feign sleep though, he found himself looking into Severus's unguarded face and just stared. Severus looked so relaxed, almost happy... So beautiful, before he could stop himself, he reached out a hand and stroked the mans cheek, cupping it gently.

Someone cleared their throat.

Harry jumped to violently that he fell off the bed with a crash and stared up with wide eyes at the headmaster, Remus and Sirius. He blushed furiously when he saw the other werewolf's nostrils flaring and he cringed under the teasing smirk he received. Siri and Dumbledore were both just watching him amused and Harry quickly jumped to his feet and dove back under the covers, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks again.

"...And what was all _that_ about?" came the voice from besides him and Harry cringed again before burying his face in the pillows, not daring to look up at any of his professors faces and hoping Remus would keep quiet.

"Nothing, nothing my boy. We just startled young Harry here" Albus said chuckling as he sat down and Harry grumbled before sighing and sitting up again, making sure all the vital parts were covered. He lifted his head and locked eyes with the piercing blue ones of the headmaster. Was it just him, or did they seem to be twinkling double the usual amount? "Ahh Harry, how are you feeling today?" Dumbledore asked

"Much better thank you sir" Harry replied, unable to keep the blush from rising up his cheeks as Remus snickered. He sent a glare to his Defence professor and chanced a glance at Snape before looking back at the bedcovers and preying Remus kept his mouth shut. He had forgotten that the other werewolf would be able to smell his attraction and he couldn't bear to think of what Snape would say if Remus or Dumbledore said that he had been touching his cheek...let alone anything else

"Do you mind if we check up on your injuries my boy?" Dumbledore asked and Harry groaned, someone up there must really hate him. He was half hard again and it hadn't even relented at being caught, maybe he really was a freak? He snorted at the thought and tried to think of a polite way to say 'not a chance in hell'

"I don't think that's a good idea Albus" Remus said and then slapped his hand over his mouth to hide his smile. Harry blushed and stared down at the covers, trying to think of everything vile so that he could at least get rid of his arousal. He thought of McGonagall and Filch, Dumbledore and McGonagall, Voldemort and Malfoy

"Actually, I think it's a brilliant idea. Come on Harry, stand up and lets see how your body is..._reacting_" Snape said, smirking and the amusement shining in those dark eyes captivated Harry and he licked his lips. He blushed again when he realized he was staring and went back to thinking of Voldemort in a tutu... Thankfully, _that_ seemed to do the job. He closed his eyes for a minute and pictured it as clearly as he could in his mind, breathing a sigh of relief when his erection wilted completely.

Still blushing slightly, he crawled out from under the covers and steadied himself on his feet, keeping his eyes shut the whole time. He tensed when he felt a hand gently trace over a scar he hadn't even been able to look at yet but said nothing as the hand moved down his chest and across to his back. He tried desperately to ignore the intense gaze of the potions master that he could feel burning into him and as soon as the headmaster moved away again, he dove back on the bed and pulled the covers over him.

"You seem to be healing up nicely there Harry. We were a bit worried when none of the potions would work... But it seems to be coming along fine" Albus said softly, watching the boy-who-lived intently. He wasn't the only one to notice that Harry refused to look. Harry nodded and smiled weakly before snuggling down into the covers and just relaxing as his teachers started talking quietly around him.

Without realizing what he was doing he rested his head on Snape's chest and let his eyes slowly droop closed as his teachers continued to talk. He wondered if Snape knew what he had done, sure the man knew he was aroused but did he know about his touching him? Harry shook his head with a relieved smile, Snape wouldn't think of going anywhere near him again if he did know and with that thought in mind, he succumbed to his weariness and fell asleep, unaware of the dark eyes glittering with amusement as strong arms pulled him closer.

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"Ok, lets put what we know together and then decide on a course of action. That's the only way we are going to settle this" Hermione said wearily as she sank into what was fast becoming 'her' chair in an unused classroom on the third floor. Every single night the three Gryffindors, one Slytherin and one Ravenclaw came to this room after classes and every single night they debated and discussed the same thing; Harry Potter.

The debating and discussing had turned into arguing as of late and it was beginning to get on her nerves, just as it was Ginny's, the two boys were relentless in their decisions with what they believed they should do and Luna Lovegood was no help whatsoever, Hermione was seriously ready to give up hope on that girl.

"We know that Harry returned to Hogwarts late, we know he wasn't on the train...nor in the station. We know he was somewhat – ill when he arrived and his health has been deteriorating as the days went by. We know he became withdrawn and studious, we know he believes to have pushed us away, we know..." she paused for a minute and frowned, that was basically all they knew regarding his health and his withdrawal

"We know he isn't human"

"No. We do not _know_ that, we assume that. We know he does not eat in the Great Hall, we know he has Dobby come to him at night. We know he disappeared the night before the full moon. Now, do we all agree when I say that those are the _only_ solid facts we have?" she asked again, pointedly ignoring Luna's frown as she easily dismissed the Ravenclaw's comment. Grudgingly she got a nod from her four friends and sighed with relief.

"We know you and Ronald sent him away when you hit him" Luna said suddenly and Hermione closed her eyes painfully whilst Ron lowered his head, neither of them were going to dispute that

"Yes. We know that too. Now, it's been over a week since the night of the full moon, so we can all safely assume that _if_ Harry is not human, then he is a werewolf. Yes?" again, she received the nods she was waiting for

"He is not in the hospital wing and the teachers are merely saying that he is safe and well. They know where he is, obviously and I believe they now know what he is. I think we are all making a bigger deal out of this than needs be. We should simply just go to Dumbledore, lay down what we know and demand to see our best friend. If we are lucky, we will get to see Harry and we will get to put things right, the least the headmaster can do though, is tell us what he knows of Harry, and when he will be back. He will not be able to dismiss us so easily. All we need to decide is who is going to be the one to confront the Headmaster of Hogwarts" silence greeted her words as everyone thought of what she had said

"I think...Draco should go" Ginny said, tentatively breaking what was fast becoming an awkward silence. Everyone else reacted to her words and started to express their opinions at once and Hermione groaned before banging her head on the desk

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When Harry awoke the next morning, he found himself in between two men and he tensed instinctively, not daring to open his eyes yet. A hand started to rub a soothing line down his back but his body was rigid and his eyes screwed shut with sure a force that he was beginning to get a headache. After a minute of berating himself and another five minutes of trying to talk himself into opening his eyes, he cracked one open and peeped out from below his hooded lid, relaxing instantly and his body sagged as he realized it was only Remus and Sirius. He felt lips press to the bag of his head and turned to face them.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked quietly and then bit his lip when Sirius stared at him blankly "I – I mean for being stupid, for running away like that and for not telling you?" he elaborated, hating how frail and pathetic his voice sounded as it cracked. Sirius sighed before smiling at him softly and pulling him closer.

"No Harry, I don't blame you in the least. It was not stupidity that got you bitten... It was fear. I believe I would have done the same. Harry, you know I love you no matter what and just because you are a werewolf now, doesn't change that. I'm sorry because of the pain you have to go through every single month for the rest of your life. Sorry for the words some people will say, sorry for the jobs you wont be able to get, sorry for the fear of loneliness and rejection that will never leave you but mostly I'm sorry for not being there for you two nights ago" he said quietly and Harry stared at him in horror before forcing a smile and resting his head on his godfathers chest. He had known what becoming a werewolf would entail, knew how damaged his life was but to hear it in words, so easily said by someone who would never have to face the pain

"I – I cant do it" he whispered, though mostly to himself. Sirius obviously heard him though as he tightened his grip and rested his chin on Harry's head

"You can Harry. You can and you will. But not alone... Never alone. Remy and I will always be there for you, every single month we will join you and we can even show you that its not all bad. We can run in the forest, play catch and hide and go seek, we can race and just generally make a complete ass of ourselves without having to face the consequences. You can do this though Harry, you have to. I wish -" what he wished though, Harry never found out as he trailed off. They fell into an uncomfortable silence for a minute and then Harry huffed

"I need a shower" he said eventually and jumped slightly when Remus sniggered behind him. He frowned but then arched an eyebrow when Sirius joined in.

"Why? Want to smell nice for when Severus returns pup?" Remus teased and Harry paled, his body once again tensed rigid and he closed his eyes to hide his pain.

"No" he replied quietly. Remus and Sirius immediately sobered up and exchanged confused looks over his head but let it drop when Harry turned away from them to signal the end of the conversation.

"One of us will have to come with you Harry, you know you cant be left alone yet" Remus said again and Harry sighed, Merlin that was embarrassing, he couldn't even wash himself without someone to hold his hand

"Which one do you want to come?" Sirius asked and Harry froze, how was he suppost to answer that? It was like asking whom he loved most or who he wanted to be his father. He shook his head and smiled tiredly

"Neither. I'll just use a cleaning charm for now" he muttered and then sighed, "How long have I been here now anyway?" he asked curiously. He knew he had been asleep on and off for quite a while, but for how long, he didn't know. Remus and Sirius both shared another look, they knew Harry was much more sensitive now and would be for at least another month but they couldn't understand why he was acting so – off – with them now.

"Err... Two weeks tomorrow" Remus said slowly and Harry stared at him and then at Sirius before his jaw dropped open. Quickly he jumped up from the bed, forgetting his lack of pyjamas and searched for some clothes; muttering to himself the whole time. Siri and Remus watched him for a minute half amused before they sat up "You are going nowhere, my lil cub" Remus said sternly after a minute and Harry stared at him incredulously

"Are you kidding? Of course I am! I've got _sooo_ much work to catch up on" he moaned but then tensed as arms wrapped around his waist. He pouted when he saw it was Sirius and allowed himself to be dragged back to bed. "But I'm fine! I don't need to be here any longer" he whined and Sirius arched an eyebrow

"Harry, you cannot be in a room alone without trembling. You are not fine... Listen to me. We will bring some work here for you ok? But you cant leave yet" he said and then sighed as Harry stared down at his hands, he looked over at Remus beseechingly but the werewolf was already tugging Harry into his arms

"Nobody blames you for the way you act now Harry. It is natural for a little cub. It's not _Harry_ that's so terrified of being alone; it's the wolf. The wolf in you is only a baby and it sees Siri and me as your parents. It sees Dumbledore as your grandfather and Severus...well, I'm not sure about him" he finished, smirking and Harry glared at him weakly before letting his head fall back on the pillow. He was pretty sure he had broken the record for the longest stay in the hospital wing now, even if he hadn't before. Though, if he was serious, he did not wish to return as much as he led others to believe. Here, he was kept warm; he was given food and held in strong arms, he would be able to do his work in the company of people who cared for him. If he was released from here, he knew he would always have the doubts and the fears of being alone.


	6. Chapter Six

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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**__**

**__**

_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

__

_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

**_Author Notes:_** That's the end of what I already had written. I'll try to write some more on it and have the next chapter to you as soon as possible. Thank you all again for your reviews and I'm glad you are enjoying the story –_grins_-

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Chapter Six

As the days went on, Harry would sit and read or do his classwork whilst Sirius and Remus moved further and further away. They would test their limits and then break them by just a step and when Harry started to show signs of distress, they would stay as still as a statue and wait for him to calm down and acknowledge that they were, in fact, still there. They found that they could only do this once or twice a day though as it was extremely emotionally draining for Harry and Madame Pomfrey, while agreeing that it needed to be done, was not pleased.

In just two days, he had finished the two weeks of classwork he had missed and had given them to Remus to take to the correct teachers whilst he worked on his homework. If truth be told, he loved to work silently and on his own, as he had discovered when he found himself alone at the start of the year. He considered going to Ron and Hermione and explaining everything to them, but no, they had decided what they wanted the day they had both hit him... They hadn't even looked to regret what had happened and so to Harry, it was quite obvious that they were happy with the way things were going for them now.

When he was concentrating on his work, he noticed he couldn't hear Remus and Sirius at all and he stopped and looked up. He tensed when he noticed they weren't in the room and strained his hearing but all he could hear was silence. Still tense but not quite trembling, Harry climbed out of bed automatically and pushed open the bathroom door, Sirius and Remus were both in the shower and had placed up a silencing charm. Without thinking about what he was doing, Harry walked further into the room, watching as Sirius washed Remus's back and then he crawled in after them, still wearing his boxers.

Before either of the older wizards could realize what he was doing, he walked in between them and hugged Sirius first and then Remus, he turned to leave but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder, only then did he realize what he had done and he blushed furiously. Sirius chuckled and pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist

"You wanted a shower, so you may as well have one whilst we are both here" he said softly. Harry nodded and couldn't help but watch as his two teachers continued to watch each other, he had known they were together for a while now but he had never actually seen them as together as they were openly now. Shaking his head, he reached around them for the soap and peeled off the boxers he had managed to convince Poppy he needed, and then without looking down at himself, he washed quickly but thoroughly and escaped the shower before the older men even realized. He dried himself and then crawled back under the covers and continued with his homework.

He was still blushing when the two returned but they just grinned and hugged him whilst congratulating him on the improvement. The next two days continued much in the same fashion. Harry would be asleep or just staring at the ceiling and then he would get up without noticing, find Remus or Sirius, hug them and then return to bed.

Finally, three full weeks after his first transformation, he managed to cut back seeing his professors to only once a day. He still had to sleep curled up in their arms but neither of them seemed to care. Madame Pomfrey had decided to release him as long as he promised to sleep in his professor's chambers and go to see her once every two days. He also had to eat in the Great Hall every day and was not allowed to miss a single meal or she would drag him back to the hospital wing by his ear.

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Harry left the hospital wing in high spirits on the following Monday morning; he had all his work to hand in to the teachers and he felt better than he had in over a good few months now. He had forgotten how good it felt to move without any pain whatsoever and the ache of his muscles had only just retreated. He had spent over an hour in the shower that morning and felt cleaner than he had in ages but he still refused to look at himself in the mirror, which the other teachers hadn't failed to notice.

He knew he had only a day or two of being pain and ache free though as the full moon was once again approaching. He had to start taking his wolfbane that very night and he wasn't sure whether he looked forward to it or not. He definitely wasn't looking forward to the full moon but he knew there was no way he could do anything about it. He sighed and walked under the white sky of the morning for a while, piercing through the frost and mist as he walked and his high spirits sort of deflated at the thought that there was only a week to go. It seemed only yesterday that he was there having his first transformation.

He walked back around and into the castle for the Great Hall as the morning dragged on, he had better get down to breakfast before Madame Pomfrey came searching for him personally. He looked up at the staff table when he entered to see the headmaster beaming down at him along with most of the other teachers and he grinned before waving and then made his way to the Gryffindor table. He ignored the stares he was receiving on the way, especially from those he had once counted friends and sat apart from them all.

He looked up and his eyes immediately locked with Hermione's intense stare, she smiled at him softly and Harry returned it before looking down again. Well, maybe there was a chance he wouldn't be so alone in classes as he had thought... He noticed nobody was looking away and he started to tremble after a minute, what if they did know? What if they had guessed? What if they were all going to reject him for what he was? Why wouldn't they look away?

"Potter, I need to see you some time today to discuss what you missed" Snape snapped and Harry looked up to see the man standing over him. Harry smiled weakly when he saw the mans eyes weren't glaring at him like usual but then the man reached out and touched his shoulder inconspicuously and he felt the tension leave him immediately and he smiled beautifully at the man, grateful to have his attention distracted.

"Yes sir, I'll come right after classes," he said and Snape nodded. The potions master then shocked everyone by smiling and squeezing Harry's shoulder again

"Don't overdo it today Harry, take care" he said sternly and Harry nodded and then stared after him with a glazed over look in his eye, he sniffed and his eyes fluttered closed at the scent of the man but then he caught sight of Remus's smirk and he blushed before ducking his head. He looked at his timetable and grabbed a piece of toast before standing up and heading towards the door.

Before he could escape out of the Great Hall though, he felt two pairs of hands grab his arms, and he tensed immediately before struggling to get out of their grasp. His mind flashed back to the Dursleys as he was literally dragged from the room and a third set of hands came to help the other two. He was pushed into an empty classroom and then the hands let go. Before he could see who had touched him, he had pushed himself into the corner of the rooms and his hands came up to protect his face from the blows he was expecting. His body was trembling violently now and he couldn't even make himself calm down when no hands came to hurt him

"Harry... I – what's the matter?" Hermione whispered. She and Ron hadn't meant to take Harry by surprise _that_ much, they had just needed to speak with him and knew he would avoid them and so they had decided to make sure he couldn't. They hadn't hurt him... Had they? No, she had been careful; they had surprised him is all... The door burst open behind her and she, Draco, Ron, Ginny and Luna turned to face Professors Snape and Lupin

"What the hell is going on here?" Snape whispered in a deadly voice as he pushed himself through the room and fell to his knees before Harry. Carefully, and uncaring about what the others thought, he manipulated Harry into his arms and onto his lap before rocking him gently and smoothing his hair down "Shh, its ok Harry, we're here. Nobody is going to hurt you," he whispered soothingly. Harry visibly relaxed upon hearing his voice and the trembles calmed considerably but not completely.

"Now. Why don't you tell us just what the hell you think you were doing?" Remus asked quietly as he watched his colleague try to calm his cub. He turned to look at his shocked students and arched an eyebrow.

"I- we just wanted to talk to him. We know and we want him to know that we still love him and nothing, not even being a werewolf will change that." Hermione said quietly, though everyone was aware that the last part of her sentence was a challenge, daring one of the teachers to say she was wrong. When nobody spoke up, Hermione nodded to herself and sighed "We just – we wanted to apologize for hitting him and we want him back, we miss him and we want to help him any way we can..." she stopped at that and frowned before turning to Harry and fell to her knees in front of him, ignoring her potions master

"Harry...I'm sorry, we're sorry. We didn't mean to hurt you, and Ron and I acted rashly when you arrived at the start of the year. I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, we had just been so worried when you didn't reply to our letters or anything and then you turned up and we were too blind to see that you weren't fine...I'm sorry" as she was speaking, Harry looked up slowly and just stared from her to the rest of his...friends for a minute. When he saw who they were, he was able to calm completely and all trembling stopped. Severus helped him to his feet and he smiled sheepishly

"I think its about time you told us what is going on Harry" Ron spoke up for the first time and the others nodded slowly. Harry stared at them nervously for a minute before he remembered what Sirius and Remus had said, if they were really his friends then they would stick by him. Everyone would find out sooner or later anyway and so he sighed.

"Promise me you wont tell anyone?" he asked, his voice layered with defeat and his best friends nodded without hesitation. Harry looked at the two of them carefully, they had fallen out with him for such simple things before the first full moon, could he really trust them with this? Not to mention Draco Malfoy, he and Malfoy had never been what one could call civil let alone friends... Could he trust the blond? Could he trust Ginny and Luna? "You know I didn't get on with the Dursleys don't you?" he asked quietly

"Of course" Hermione said, staring at him without blinking and Harry sighed again, just addressing his two best friends as it was easier. He pretended not to notice that he was still holding Snape's hand as Remus stood the other side of him and put a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"Well, this summer, my uncle started beating me and a week before the start of term, he very nearly killed me. I – I was scared and so I ran away. I collapsed at the end of my street and just tried to think of something to do, my uncle was chasing me and I couldn't think of anything, then when I opened my eyes again I was in a huge forest, I ran through the trees until I collapsed again" he said and then bit his lips. He said all of this quickly and tried not to allow time for his friends to dwell on the happenings with his relations, but of course, it didn't work.

"Oh Harry, we had no idea. Oh Harry, I'm so sorry, if we even _suspected_ that, you know we would have gotten you out of there" Hermione said as she threw her arms around his neck. Harry patted her back awkwardly as she sobbed on his shoulder and looked at Ron, the redhead was definitely pale and staring at Harry in horror. He refused to look at the reactions of the other three, though he thought Luna would probably be staring at the wall and thinking of all sorts of weird creatures.

"I – in the forest, I was attacked and bitten..." he paused again as Hermione pulled back to look at him, he could see in her eyes that she knew what he was talking about

"I caught the knightbus here and put a concealment charm over myself...I – I had my first transformation three weeks ago. I didn't tell anyone but went to the shrieking shack. I was scared you would hate me and I just – I couldn't deal with that now. After I had changed back, I went to leave the shack but saw professor Snape, Remus and Sirius asleep outside... They had figured it out. I've been in the hospital wing ever since as Madame Pomfrey treated the wounds from the full moon and from my uncle. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I was scared" he finished and lowered his head. Nobody said anything for a while and then Ron rested a hand on his shoulder whilst Hermione tilted his head up

"If you had said this before third year then I admit I would have reacted differently Harry but now I know professor Lupin, my opinion has changed greatly. Harry, Hermione and I have known you since first year, we know that something like this does not make you a bad person and we could never hate you. I'm sorry for not being there for you but Harry, I want to be now" Ron said firmly and Harry stared at him, he had honestly expected the boy to rant and rave for hours

"Ron's right Harry. You're our brother and we love you all the same. After the first night back, Ron and I have both been so worried about you, Draco, Luna, Ginny and the two of us have been researching into things, so that we could be prepared for when you decided to tell us whatever it was that was troubling you. We may not be able to help you on the full moon but we can at least help cover for you so that your secret stays a secret for as long as possible." Hermione said, Harry stared at them both and then he stood up and pulled them both into a hug, unable to stop his tears.

"You two mean so much to me, I – I thought I had lost you and I was terrified you would leave me because of my stupidity. I just...I pushed you away at the start of term because I thought it may lessen the blow so to speak when you found out. I'm sorry for not trusting you sooner. I – oh Merlin you have no idea how much this means to me" he said and rested his head on Ron's shoulder whilst Hermione hugged him from behind. Severus and Remus smiled at each other over their heads but narrowed their eyes when Draco stepped forward.

"Harry, I know you and I have never quite seen eye to eye, but things have changed since then, I have changed. I care a great deal for Hermione and am falling for her deeply, I do not want anything to come between that, nor do I wish to come between your friendship. If you accept, I would like to offer a truce and ask if we could try again... I would truly like to be friends" he said seriously. Severus stared at his young Slytherin in shock for a minute before he smiled slightly, proud. Harry looked up into the grey eyes of the one who used to be his school rival and studied him closely before nodding and taking the proffered hand. Quietly, the two teachers slipped out of the room and left the new friends alone. Both of them were relieved that nothing had gone wrong.

"I'm pleased that that went well. I have to admit, I was expecting them to shout at him for his being gone for so long," Remus said quietly, cutting through Severus's thoughts. The Potions Master looked at him and nodded curtly before walking off and as Remus watched his back disappear into the dungeons, he couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. It was obvious to him that Harry and Severus were mates but he wondered how long it would take them to figure it out. Severus would be good for his cub; he would be strong for him just as Sirius was for Remus.

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"What did the teachers say?" Hermione asked as she pulled the chairs out from where they were piled in the corner of the room and set them out in a circle so they could sit and talk. It didn't bother anyone that they were already late for potions, nor had they noticed the two teachers leave. Harry sat down besides her and smiled as she took his hand gently.

"They've all been really good about it. They're not angry with me for not telling them or for running away. I guess they're just sorry that it had to happen you know? Remus and Siri have been with me every free moment they have. Professor Dumbledore's been to see me a few times too and professor Snape has been really, really kind to me. He's promised that for as long as he lived, I would never have to go without the wolfbane again." He said and smiled slightly at the shock of his friends

"I'm not allowed to sleep in the tower yet either. I've been acting really weird lately. The day after my change, Remus had to stay with me; I wouldn't stop trembling if Remus, Sirius, professor Snape or professor Dumbledore weren't there. That's why I was in there for so long, it took two weeks for them to be able to leave the room without my reacting so severely. I have to sleep in Remus's chambers with him and Siri" he said and his friends nodded their acceptance and when Harry looked at them suspiciously, Hermione blushed

"Well, you see...we knew there was something different about you but we didn't know what. I don't know how but we knew you may not be entirely human anymore and so since a week before the full moon, we've been reading up on werewolves, vampires and the likes. We read that a new werewolf...or a cub...feels very insecure for the first few months and some react so severely that they cannot be alone" her words perhaps shouldn't have shocked Harry as severely as they did but he found tears sprung to his eyes at their loyalty

"I – you did all that? For me? You..." he trailed off and looked pointedly at Ron who blushed and tried to shrug off his embarrassment

"We've told you Harry, nothing can make us leave you. Not werewolves, vampires or Voldemort himself. We are with you until the very end. Just as you always have been and always will be for us." He said and Harry smiled at him softly. The six of them spent another ten minutes or so just catching up before they even considered their lessons.


	7. Chapter Seven

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

**_Author Notes:_** I wrote this chapter for you today and now its 6 in the evening and I havent even been to bed for last night yet so I'm off now. I havent got any written on chapter eight and will try to write some tomorrow but I'm not promising anything. I hope you like this chapter and if it seems a bit rushed and if there are loads of mistakes its cos I'm tired lol.

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Chapter Seven

Harry settled back into his student life pretty quickly though he missed the solitude he had in the Hospital Wing. His friends never left his side and whilst a part of him appreciated that greatly, another part of him just wished they would give him some time to himself, if just to think. He had promised himself the month before that he would not be alive at the time of his next transformation and a part of him still wished he wouldn't be.

Even though his friends and family had been supportive, he had the rest of his life to think about. First there was the unbelievable pain every month and more importantly the fighting of the wolf. Then there was the prejudice he would receive when the rest of the world found out. Then of course, there was life after Hogwarts. How could he ever get a job as a Healer or an Auror now? The Ministry would not employ him, whether he was the boy-who-lived or not, neither would any of the other leading occupations in Harry's mind.

He would be doomed to shifting from meager jobs that he would be lucky if they lasted two months a time. The small fortune his parents left him would be enough to keep him in clothes and food for about ten years after Hogwarts if he was extremely lucky and bought it second hand. Then there was the whole war with Voldemort, the Dark Lord had a direct way to torture and kill him now, with silver. He knew for certain that that was coming _sometime_ in the future, was he just supposed to sit and wait?

No, as far as he was concerned, it would be better to go sooner rather than later, before anyone got even more attached to him than they already were...or than they appeared to be. He didn't believe for a minute that any of his friends or family loved or cared for him as much as they said they did, why would they? He was just a weak, pathetic child who was going to cost far more gold in wolfbane potion supplies than he was worth. He knew they only pretended because they believed he would be the one to defeat Voldemort... The sooner they realized he was useless in that department, as well as in any other, the better.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Remus asked and Harry looked up from where he was sat finishing his homework with a forced smile as he nodded. Remus looked at him skeptically for a good five minutes after Harry went back to his work before Sirius returned from his scheduled nightly rounds of the corridors and distracted his attention.

"Hey kiddo, nearly done?" Sirius asked as he ruffled Harry's hair. Harry made a noise of irritation at the back of his throat as he finished the paragraph he was working on. He then threw down his quill and pushed the essay away with a sigh. "Have you taken your potion?" Sirius asked again and Harry nodded, his eyes closed as he leant his head back against the armchair.

"Uh huh, it was in my goblet at dinner" he replied eventually and he opened his eyes to watch as Sirius pulled Remus closer and held his arm around his waist. He closed his eyes again it disgust, he was even intruding on his own godfather by breathing. "I could go back to the tower now you know. I'm perfectly fine," he offered, as he had for the last two nights in a row.

"If that's what you want" Sirius said hesitantly, instead of the usual '_its too late now, we'll talk about it in the morning' _or the '_don't worry about it. I like having you here._' Surprised, Harry opened his eyes and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He offered a tight smile and nodded sharply before gathering up his homework

"You don't have too," Remus said quickly as he smelt Harry's despair but Harry just shook his head and waved his hand dismissively and he smiled brightly at the two.

"No, its fine. Ron and Hermione have been asking when I was going back anyway. Could you send my trunk over for me please?" he asked softly. He didn't wait for an answer as he grabbed his wand and stepped as gracefully as he could from the chambers. As soon as the door closed behind him, he shivered and wrapped his robes tighter around himself as if cold. The wolf inside of him seemed to realize what was going on because with each step he took the more violent his trembles became and the colder he felt.

He kept his head high and managed to control the trembles for a minute as he stepped into the Gryffindor tower and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw everyone had already gone to bed. The portrait hole shut behind him and Harry felt as if it was his doom. As soon as it latched, the trembles became even more violent and his stomach turned. Without thinking about it, he dropped his things where they were and ran to the toilet just the other side of the boys dorms, careful not to wake anyone. He clapped his hand over his mouth as he rushed inside and just had time to erect a silencing charm before he threw up all down his robes and over his shoes.

Perhaps his leaving hadn't been a good idea.

But he was intruding.

He emptied his stomach into the toilet again and again until he was just choking up bile and when he was sure he could hold it in for a minute, he removed the silencing charm, moved back into the common room and grabbed his homework before running back through the portrait hole and into the corridors again. He wouldn't spend the night throwing up in the Gryffindor boy's toilets because then the others would know... He hurried to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom and only when he was inside did he allow himself to relax.

He fell to his knees besides the toilet in one of the cubicles and rested his head against the cold tile floor before leaning over the toilet bowl again and throwing up violently. He was shaking something terrible and he felt his still tender throat grate as he heaved and heaved _and_ heaved...

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"Siri, do you think we should go and check on Harry?" Remus asked as Sirius trailed kisses down his throat. Sirius stopped instantly and looked up at him

"Why?" he asked and Remus sighed before shrugging

"I don't think he was ready to leave. I think he was just saying that because he felt like we had had enough of him and wanted some privacy. I'm worried about him, he was lost in his thoughts earlier and I smelt despair and pain so vivid that I could easily believe it was my own. I think he is still scared and I think the wolf inside him is just as much so as he is..." he replied quietly. Sirius studied him for a minute and then sat back, deep in thought. He worried his bottom lip and then sighed

"I want to go and check on him. I wanted him to stay here, I liked having him around you know? But I thought, when he kept asking, that he wanted to go back, I thought _he_ had had enough of _us_. If we go now though and bring him back, even if you _are_ right, then he might think we don't trust him or think well enough of him to take care of himself" he said eventually and Remus nodded and then pulled Sirius back towards him, kissing him gently

"I think we should wait until tomorrow and see how he is then. If he looks ill or tired then we'll bring him back" Sirius nodded and melted against the werewolf's mouth, parting his lips to the questing tongue. He reached out his hands to the clasps of Remus's robes and started to undo them with nimble fingers, never breaking away from the kiss as he did so. He crawled forward and pushed Remus onto his back as he eventually came up for air and trailed chaste kisses across his lovers jaw and down his neck. His hands slipped into his lovers trousers and he gently stroked the erection his fingers met before pulling back altogether with a heavy sigh

"I don't feel right doing this when Harry could be out there and scared," he said and Remus nodded his agreement.

"Lets just go to bed and then we'll find him in the morning" he suggested. Sirius nodded and stood up but then hesitated and looked to the door. He worried his bottom lip before sighing and taking his lovers hand and leading the way to the bedroom.

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Harry flinched openly as the sunlight shone through the bathroom window and reached him. It was sunrise and he had been up all night emptying his stomach and just about everything else at the same time. He had never felt so weak and pathetic before, not even the days before the first transformation. His hands were still shaking, though whether that was because he was away from everyone or because he was so weak, he had no idea. He knew he needed to get back to Gryffindor tower and slip under the covers before the others woke so that nobody realized where he was or what was wrong.

One thing was for certain though; his night of complete and utter misery had settled his thoughts on what he was going to do. He had even had time to plan as he flushed his now useless homework down the toilet, not caring if it blocked the drains. He was irritated to hell considering he had spent two days working on that assignment only to throw up all over it. He scrubbed at his cheek as a single tear fell and he felt the sheer force of loneliness well up in him again

"Get over it. We are alone and we always will be. You, _wolf_, have made my life a living hell" he muttered to himself and groaned as Moaning Myrtle flew up behind him. He had been lucky enough in that she had stayed away from him all night, seemed his day was already starting off bad.

"Oh, its _you_ Harry! I heard you in there all night, are you ill? Are you going to die? You never came and visited me like you promised, but that's ok. I forgive you now. Will you be sharing my cubicle when you die?" she screeched, floating from side to side

"Yes I am ill, yes I am going to die, I was too busy to visit, thanks for being so merciful and no I wont share your cubicle" he muttered bitterly and cringed as his throat burning. It seemed he had managed to tear it again with all his heaving. "Why do only some people become ghosts Myrtle?" he asked suddenly and she stopped floating about just to stare at him for a minute.

"Nobody's ever asked me that before. I'm not supposed to tell but I'll tell _you_ Harry. If the persons last thought before they die is that they want revenge then they get brought back as a ghost. I'm not sure whether the gods do it to allow us to get our revenge or to punish us for thinking such things..." as she went on babbling, Harry breathed a huge sigh of relief, he didn't want revenge against anyone so he _shouldn't_ be tortured with the whole ghost thing, he had been worried for a minute there...

"Thanks Myrtle, you've made my day with that" he said and smiled at her. Myrtle squealed again before giggling to herself. "Can you promise you wont tell anyone I was here? And I promise to come visit you again?" he asked as kindly as he could. The ghost nodded her head without thought and opened her mouth to speak but Harry snuck out before she could.

Harry was more than a little relieved when he didn't come across anyone in the hallway and he gave the password to the fat lady before he slipped silently inside the common room. He breathed again when he saw nobody was up yet and he quickly hurried up to the boy's dorm, discarded his robes at the bottom of the trunk and dove under the covers. He then stared up at the ceiling and tried to calm his stomach and his trembling.

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Only when Ron groaned and put one foot on the floor did Harry make himself known that morning. He told Ron he had come back late last night and then he showered, put a concealment charm over himself to hide the pale pasty skin and the circles under his eyes and then went down to breakfast. He picked at the food and slipped most of it onto his napkin under the table so that nobody noticed and then banished it before going to his lessons.

He dragged himself from class to class and forced himself to stay alert and awake. He knew he couldn't risk anyone finding out that he was ill again, they would just overreact and pretend to care, he couldn't take that anymore. As dinner came and went, Harry dragged himself to the last lesson of the day, Potions.

_That_ lesson was perhaps just as much hell as any other. Snape was watching him intently and didn't make a secret about it. His voice washed over Harry and made him painfully hard and his stomach started to turn again at the very thought. When the Potions Master set a hand on Harry's shoulder, instead of calming him, it set him off trembling again, which Snape didn't miss. He sent confused looks over at Harry but he just tried to ignore that, it seemed his wolf had finally agreed that they were alone and in this together.

"Class dismissed. Harry stay please" Snape called and Harry bit back a groan but he cleared away his things and made his way to the front desk, watching as the last of the students disappeared before Snape pushed a goblet towards him. "What's wrong Harry? What are you hiding and why?" the Potions Master asked sadly and Harry looked away but didn't answer

"I'm fine professor. Just nervous" he said after a minute's silence. He took the goblet and threw the contents down his throat before swallowing hard and was about to leave before he felt fingers curl around his wrist. Snape tugged him closer and Harry was too weak to put up any resistance, he flew into the man's chest and looked up with wide eyes. His professor stared down at him and his eyes flickered to the man's lips. Without even thinking about what he was doing and with a little push from what Harry had dubbed the wolf, he tilted his head up further until their lips met.

Snape's lips parted in a groan and before Harry could stop himself, he deepened the kiss and explored the man's mouth, surprised when Snape kissed him back. He closed his eyes and melted against the Potion Master's lean body as the elder man took over control of the kiss and then the man pulled back sharply and stared at him in shock, panting for breath. Harry stared at him in horror and he stuttered to try and explain himself. Great, now he had just gone and made Snape hate him too...

"I- I'm sorry! I don't know – I don't – I'm sorry" Harry chocked before he turned on his heal and ran from the room, his hand over his mouth as he headed for Moaning Myrtles bathroom once again.


	8. Chapter Eight

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

**_Author Notes:_** _I know I left this is a really awful place but I really couldn't resist it. I hope you like this chapter and I thought I had better warn you that it involves a slightly darker topic; suicide. I'll try and get the next chapter up as soon as I can but I very much doubt it will be today... Or tomorrow. Well, it may be. Sorry again for the cliffy but thanks for the reviews –grins-_

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Chapter Eight

The next few days followed in a similar pattern. Harry would sneak out of the Gryffindor tower when everyone had gone to bed and then he would spend the night in the toilets before returning and jumping under his covers before anyone woke. He avoided Snape at all times and was the last to enter the classroom and the first to leave, _even_ if he was asked to stay. His potion appeared in his goblet at dinner and then ended up down the drain when he threw it up... He _really_ should tell somebody about that, especially if they were going to try and be in the same room as him...

His body was constantly trembling and he was hardly strong enough to lift one foot after the over. That very night was the full moon and Harry had (luckily or not) been excused from his lessons for the day. He spent the time in Moaning Myrtle's toilet and when he wasn't throwing up blood and bile, he was talking to the ghost about when things started to go wrong. His throat was perhaps even worse than last month and instead of talking to his friends or family, he mostly wore the same smile day in and day out and nodded when they spoke to him.

He wondered briefly whether it was better to eat and throw that up again than just keep heaving and tearing at his throat and stomach. But the thought of forcing food down his throat now was inconceivable. He mostly listened to Myrtle as she told him of her own school years and how she was bullied terribly; he had nothing better to do and even pitied her for it. He knew what it was like to be bullied and for the whole school to turn their backs on you. He could even say that she was his closest friend now... Had he really sunk _that_ low?

He shook his head and sighed, tomorrow night he would be free from all of this. Tomorrow, he had everything planned and he wouldn't have to worry about a thing... There was no chance he would survive. He just preyed that Myrtle was right in what she said about ghosts because he knew that that would be the ultimate torture for him. He wouldn't if that was why peeves was a bastard, was he regretful of what happened to him? Did he cause problems for the living simply because he envied them and wanted to forget his own thoughts? Hell, did a ghost even _think_?

"... I knew the boy who killed me of course. I had seen him once or twice in passing and he was in one of the higher years in Slytherin. He had been kind to me once when I was alive, he had asked me if I wanted power and if I wanted to be respected after he stopped some other Slytherins from bullying me. I said I'd think about it and then Olive came and tormented me and I came here and then I died. He was awful mean to me when I died though, he just laughed and put a spell on me so that I couldn't speak his name to anyone who didn't know for sure that it was he" Myrtle's voice cracked through his thoughts and Harry nodded distractedly as he leant over the toilet, fighting for breath and trying desperately to stop the clenching of his stomach.

"Dumbledore's been to offer to let me leave here plenty of times but I never wanted to before. The ghosts were all mean to me and I still wasn't happy about being dead. I'm happy now though Harry, now that _you_ come to visit. Maybe I'll accept when the old man comes again and we can see each other more often. Would you like that Harry? I know I would," she said again and Harry sighed, he nodded with a gentle smile on his face. He wouldn't be here when she was released... Thank Merlin.

He would do it now, save himself from the suffering tonight, but he didn't know if he had enough time before people came looking for him. If they were to find him before he was dead then... He shuddered to think. He should have done it last night when he wasn't throwing up so violently. It was the end of November now and Harry couldn't help but snort in amusement when he calculated that the next full moon was on Christmas Eve. He spared a minute in sympathy for Remus, that was no way to spend your Christmas... At least _he_ wouldn't be here.

He winced as he remembered the kiss he had shared with Snape. It had been so beautiful and for a small moment, Harry had felt complete. He hated to think what the Potions Master thought of him now. Did he hate him? Was he disgusted? Probably. Severus Snape was so beautiful and Harry was... Well, _Harry_. He shook his head to rid himself of that line of thought once again and sighed when it wouldn't shrug off. Why did he feel so strongly for Snape now when they had only just become somewhat friends? Why did he have to _ruin_ everything?

He sighed and dragged himself to his feet. Classes would be finished soon and he had to make sure he was in bed before Ron and Hermione came back to check on him. He said his farewells to Myrtle and smiled slightly when she wished him luck and asked once more if she could join him. He shrugged it off and slipped the invisibility cloak over his shoulders and then he stuck his head out of the toilets and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw no one. He could hear the teachers speaking in the classrooms as he walked and he quickened his pace when he heard McGonagall telling everyone to pack up.

His stomach churned again as he slipped into the Gryffindor common room and hurried under the stairs. He had enough time to put his invisibility cloak away, take off his robes and slip under the covers before he threw up in a large bowl that he had asked Dobby for. He knew the house elf would inform Remus or Dumbledore but he also knew it was normal for a werewolf to empty his stomach on the last day before the moon.

No sooner had he managed to lift his head for air than the dorm doors opened and both Ron and Hermione hurried on.

"Oh Harry" Hermione whispered as she moved to sit besides him and stoke his back. Harry closed his eyes and mused lightly about how believable she was. He didn't bother to argue with the thought that perhaps she really _did_ care, as did the others, because he didn't want that to be true. It was too late now, he had his mind made up and he didn't want anything like love, or care, to disrupt that. He was going to die tomorrow night and nothing was going to stop him.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it," he said hoarsely after a minute, wincing as he once again felt the razors on his throat. His friends noticed and exchanged looks over his head but he pointedly ignored it and turned his head sharply to throw up in the bowl again, dry heaving and coughing up blood. Well, that certainly pointed out the lie in his words like nothing else could. He shook his head ruefully and closed his eyes again, not bothering to lift his head from where it rested over the bowl.

He allowed himself to look forward to the next night, allowed himself to feel happy and elated again at the thought of it. With his eyes closed, he blissfully pictured it in his mind, in the exact order it was going to happen. No, there was no way he could survive. There was an estimated eight minutes before his eyes would close for the last time, once started. No one would find him in that amount of time, even if they did suspect anything. He snorted to himself when he realised he was as excited as a child who was going to Disney Land would be.

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He rose shakily from bed when the time came and thought bitterly that his teachers didn't even trust himself to go by himself, probably in case he locked himself in again. That thought _had_ occurred to him but it had been rather forcefully blown away when Dumbledore, Lupin, Black and Snape turned up in his dormitory. And really, if they didn't want anyone to know what he was, then why the hell did they turn up where everyone could see them in the afternoon when there was a full moon that night? It was stupid! But, as if reading his thoughts, Re- no _Lupin_ placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"We came under invisibility charms and we will leave under them too. No one will see us, do not worry" he said and Harry smiled tightly as he wrapped his robes around his shoulders and pointedly ignored Snape.

"I hear you've been ill again. Have you managed to keep the wolfbane down?" Snape asked and Harry stared down at his hands. That was _not_ concern he heard in his voice, it _wasn't_, he didn't want to think about that.

"I don't know, I don't think so" he replied wearily. Perhaps that would make them leave him alone.

"That's ok. A werewolf doesn't harm other animals anyway," Sirius said soothingly and Harry fought off the urge to wince. It was BLACK _not_ Sirius, he couldn't afford to believe people cared for him and he bloody wouldn't! He tried to shrug off the hands as both the Headmaster and the Potions Master gripped his elbow's to help him move but he was too weak and all he could do was lift his shoulder.

"I'm fine" he muttered feebly and wasn't in the least surprised when his teachers didn't even bother to contradict him. He allowed himself to be led towards the shrieking shack and Sirius prodded the knot on the trunk whilst Dumbledore helped Harry crawl through. When they reached the room Harry had been in last time, Harry moved to the corner and crouched down without so much as a word. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on his knee whilst trying to control the trembles he received when the others so much as touched him now.

Remus and Sirius entered the room as well and Snape paused, opened his mouth to say something before he shook his head and followed Dumbledore out. The door was locked and Harry stood briefly, took out his wand and sealed off the door again before he returned to his place in the corner. Ignoring the looks he was receiving from Siri- _Black_ and Lupin. He closed his eyes and pictured in his mind what he would be doing tomorrow, if just to relieve his heart.

"Harry..." Sirius started eventually but then paused and watched as Harry tensed rigid and fell to the floor. Sirius moved to go to him but Remus frowned and shook his head forcefully

"Change Sirius, we don't know how much of his mind he will have" he whispered

"But-"

"_Change_. Sirius"

Without another word, Sirius turned into Padfoot and stood whining in the corner of the room as Remus transformed smoothly. His face clouded with pain but he let out no noise. The werewolf padded over to Sirius and sat besides him, both of them turned to watch Harry's slow transformation.

Harry himself soon forgot there were others in the room as the pain plagued him completely. He gritted his teeth together and fell down to the floor, remembering to straighten out his legs at the same time. The transformation was just as slow, if not slower than the previous one and the screams burst from Harry's lips before he could stop them. They turned into howls half way through as his face lengthened and then shortened again what felt like twenty times.

His spine snapped in three places and moulded into the right shape for the wolf. Harry managed to swallow his next scream and instead bit his lip, not noticing _or_ caring, when he bit right through it. It felt like hours before the transformation was finally complete and he lay panting in the corner of the room. A movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked up swiftly. Immediately Harry felt himself being pushed into his mind and it was like watching through a screen as the wolf forcibly took over control and stared eerily over at Moony and Padfoot.

Harry watched with a sinking feeling as the wolf climbed to its feet and then half staggered, half prowled over to the other animals. Both Moony and Padfoot stood completely still and Harry sniffed Sirius and walked around him completely before he moved on to Moony. He growled and bared his teeth to the bigger wolf and then shot forward fast and attempted to bite him.

Moony moved out of the way and growled back, standing as if ready to attack at any minute and Harry snarled before shooting towards him again, his paw caught Moony's mouth and scratched deeply, bringing up blood. They fought together for a minute, rolling around before Moony's teeth sank into his neck. Harry's wolf yelped and then whined and Moony let go and took a step back, his amber eyes glowing into Harry's. It seemed Harry's wolf had accepted that Moony was the stronger of the two and therefore the dominant of the pack.

'_No, we have no pack, we're in this together_' Harry whispered to himself from where he was 'trapped' the wolf's ears perked up at that and then without another word of warning, it went to attack both Remus and Sirius again.

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Harry awoke as the sun touched his face and he shifted and lifted his head off the floor as much as he could. More than a little relieved to find out he had already turned back, Harry looked over to see Remus and Sirius both asleep and lying down with cuts on them. Swallowing hard, Harry checked Sirius over for any bites and only breathed again when he found none, he felt a strong urge to attack them now and forced it back, just because he didn't want them in his 'pack' didn't mean he wanted them hurt, why couldn't the stupid wolf understand that? Why did it want to harm them?

He shifted again and managed to push himself onto his hands and knees, jaw clenched as pain spread through him like fire. He lifted a hand to his neck when he felt something wet and when he brought it back in front of his eyes, he winced when he saw blood. Remus and Sirius didn't seem that hurt, just shallow cuts and bruises but he was feeling light headed from lack of blood and he ached everywhere... He was sure one of his ribs was broken. He couldn't remember much of what had happened the night before, but why would Moony and Padfoot want to hurt him? He remembered attacking them first, he remembered the wolf backing down and then everything went black. Was this their way of proving how much they cared?

Snorting to himself, Harry grabbed what was left of his robes and wrapped them tightly around him. He forced himself onto his feet and tried to bite his lip to stop the groan of pain from leaving him only to find his bottom lip was swollen and had dry blood all over it. He shook his head and looked down at his godfather and Lupin, why did they hurt him so much? Was this their way of punishing him like Dursley did...Waiting until he was a wolf and exhausted first? He wished he could remember if just to rid himself of these doubts. A part of him wondered why they would ever want to hurt him, they loved and cared for him and that part of him was sure he or the wolf had done something to deserve it. Another part of him, a snide voice in the back of his head, insisted that he did nothing wrong and that they just used this opportunity to hurt and punish him, _just_ like the Dursleys.

He took out his wand and unsealed the door before pausing again, he should wake them up or they would think there was something wrong... Or punish him again, as that snide voice pointed out gleefully. Harry swallowed hard and pulled open the door before closing his eyes

"Professor Lupin, Black. Its time to wake up" he called loudly. He waited until he heard them both shift and sit up before he walked out of the room and out of the Shack. When he was outside, he fixed his robes with a wave of his wand and checked they were fine before pulling up a concealment charm to hide all of his injuries; he didn't want to spend the day in the hospital wings. He had better things to do.

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"Sirius? Wake up Sirius. Harry's gone" Remus called as he shook his lover awake. Immediately Sirius wiped the sleep from his eyes and he sat up and frowned

"Did he just call me Professor Black?" was the first thing he said and Remus nodded sadly

"He called me Professor Lupin too. I don't understand... I know we hurt him last night, but we had too. He didn't have his mind and he attacked us..." he said wearily as he rubbed a hand over his face. Sirius sighed and looked out of the door with a frown

"He should remember. You remembered most things when you didn't have the potions at school. The only things you forgot was when you found an animal and allowed the wolf to take _total_ control... So it can't be that. Have we done anything else to upset him?"

"Remus? Sirius? Where's Harry?" Remus looked up startled and then smiled slightly when he saw Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey and Snape. He remembered when he was at school, how Dumbledore always insisted on collecting him in the morning with the Medi-witch in case he was injured and he smiled again. His smile faded when his thoughts returned to Harry and he sighed

"I don't know. He just woke us up and then went" he replied

"And he called us professor Black and Lupin..." Sirius added after a minute's silence. Dumbledore frowned and looked from one to the other

"What happened last night then?"

"He had no control apparently, the wolfsbane either had no effect or there was none left in his system. He attacked me first and I bit him, you know what werewolves are like, they have to establish the dominant one of the pack. I thought I had done that; Harry's wolf backed down and lowered its head, a sign of submission. I backed away and then he attacked us again" Remus replied and then shook his head "I don't understand why though, the wolf had obviously accepted Sirius and I into his pack after the first transformation when he wouldn't relax until we were there. After his show of submission last night, he should have... Unless Harry thought or said something to him... But _why_ would Harry tell him not to accept us?"

"I believe I can answer that," Dumbledore said thoughtfully after a minute "I went to visit the ghost Myrtle in the girls bathroom again last night to ask, as I do every year, if she is ready to leave the place of her death yet. When her answer changed and was yes this time, I was surprised and asked what changed her mind. She said she had had a visitor over the last few days who 'helped her accept her death and convince her that there were better things she could do than haunting toilets' I asked who and she refused to tell me" he paused again and his eyes twinkled slightly

"I performed the '_Verum in Mors'_ _Truth in Death_ charm. She informed me, unwillingly, that Harry has been in there since the night you two released him. She says he goes when everyone's in bed, spends the night throwing up blood and bile, talks to her and then goes back to bed before anyone wakes. She says he is planning something but she refused adamantly to reveal what it was, even under the charm. She says he's always shaking and trembling and she has caught him muttering words like '_alone_' '_stupid_' and '_imposing_' other than that she could tell me no more"

"So. What you mean to say is, Harry left their rooms because he felt like he wasn't welcome even though he still couldn't bear to be away from any of us for that length of time and so that's why he has been continually trembling for the past three days, that's why he looks scared and flinches away from any of our touch. He believes himself to be alone and unwanted and now he's out there... _Alone_!" Severus snapped. He turned to leave but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder

"Come now Severus, it isn't that bad, he knows we are here for him and he knows we love and care for him..." Dumbledore said sternly and Severus refrained from rolling his eyes

"Albus, this is the mind of an insecure wolf we are talking about. Right now I bet he's thinking that we were pretending to care because we think he's going to defeat Voldemort. He has no confidence in himself and _I_ am worried!" he burst out, ignoring what he had just admitted for a minute. He watched as Dumbledore's twinkle dimmed slightly and his eyes opened wider then without another word, he turned and hurried out of the shack.

"Severus" Remus called, hurrying to catch up with him as they walked across the grounds. The potions master nodded once to say that he was listening and Remus smiled "When are you going to realize that you are Harry's mate? Why have you been avoiding him?" he asked and then frowned when Severus stopped dead and stared at him in horror

"His mate?" he whispered and when Remus nodded he paled drastically "Remus. He kissed me and ran out before I could reassure him. He thinks I have rejected him and _he_ has been avoiding _me_ since then. I haven't had a chance to speak with him..."

"But... If a wolf believes he has been rejected by his mate, he can go slowly insane..." Remus choked and Severus nodded. Without another word the two of them ran up to the castle.

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Harry sank back in 'his' cubicle in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. He was more than a little surprised to find she wasn't here (and relieved) as he decided that he couldn't wait until this evening for his plan to work. It only took around eight minutes anyway and no one would realize where he was in that amount of time even if they _did_ realize he was missing. He had everything ready and set out before him and he studied them closely, some of which he had had to acquire by owl order.

There were two balls of pure silver, a sharp knife and some muggle masking tape. The silver balls were originally used for herbs. It is said that if you bury silver beneath the roots of some particular plant, then the potency would become that much sharper in the potions. He couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips as he felt the wolf inside him stir and almost fidget at the sight of the silver. This would work, it would hurt like hell but it would work.

He took a deep breath and then picked up the knife. It had a silver blade and a plastic handle. He hesitated only slightly before he dug the silver into his wrist and cut all the way up to his elbow. With shaking hands, he quickly repeated this for the other arm and then grabbed a silver ball tightly, his hands instantly tried to let go as the silver burned into his skin but he wouldn't let it. He grabbed the tape and very quickly and sloppily wrapped it around his hand so that even if he flexed his fingers, the balls wouldn't move. He repeated it for the other hand and then sank back against the wall and breathed again.

His jaw clenched as the pain spread through him and he watched almost lazily as his blood poured from the deep cuts were the skin had been burnt away and split open easily. As the seconds trickled by, it felt like hours and very slowly he felt his strength drain from his. His eyes fluttered closed and he didn't even bother to fight it...

Not long now.


	9. Chapter Nine

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_**I**__**n the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost.

_**Author Notes: **Just a short note to thank you all for your reviews again. This is just a shortish chapter but I thought that it was a perfect place to end it. I'll try and have the next one up as soon as I can. Thanks for reading. _

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Chapter Nine

Albus walked swiftly through the castle, not bothering to answer any of the questions from the wizards who were following him. Once he was sure Poppy was still behind him, he quickened his pace. His heart seemed to have found a permanent lodging in his stomach and he felt a dread within him that he had not beheld since the death of his family during the war against Grindlewald. Students stopped to stare as they walked past but Albus just brushed this aside, after all, it wasn't every day that one saw the Headmaster of Hogwarts nearly running in the corridors.

As he neared the corridor that held the bathroom of Moaning Myrtle, the dread gnawed and twisted inside him, the castle walls and wards seemed to be whispering in his ear, pleading with him to hurry before it was too late. A firm weight settled on his shoulders and a bead of sweat trickled down his forehead as he stared ahead with such a firm intensity.

He could hear nothing besides the sound of his own heartbeat, he couldn't even feel his feet touch the floor and it was almost as if he was gliding, being pushed along by an unseen force; he didn't protest. He looked up when he heard a trill and found that the weight on his shoulder was his own distressed phoenix and then he knew that his fears were confirmed. Fawkes had chosen Harry to be his next owner when Albus's time came to an end, Albus knew that in Harry's second year when the phoenix had shed a tear to heal Harry's poisoned wound and help him fight against the Basilisk. As far as Albus was concerned, the phoenix couldn't have chosen a better companion.

He paused outside of the door, pulling his expressionless mask over his face and trying to get enough courage to walk inside. The decision was made for him when the door burst open of its own accord and before he knew it, Albus had entered and was walking straight to the third toilet cubicle on the left. With a trembling hand that he could not stop, Albus pushed the door open and his breath caught in his throat.

Harry was half sitting, half lying against the left wall. His sleeves were pushed right up and his hands lay palm up either side of him. From wrist to elbow on either arm was a deep cut from which most of the blood had come from. Albus noted that the blood had not yet dried and hoped that they would be in time as he let his eyes trail down to the palm of Harry's hand. He saw two large balls stuck down with muggle tape and froze. No. Harry wasn't stupid; if he were going to do this then he would do it right... And Merlin he had.

Without pausing for thought, Albus dragged Harry out into the open where there was more room and then pulled out his wand. With one simple charm, the tape sticking the balls to his hands was cut away and one of the balls rolled away and stopped as it hit Severus's foot. Albus knocked the other away from Harry forcefully and then quickly moved out of the way as Poppy crouched down to check.

"He's still breathing but barely," she said as she checked his vital signs and then she looked at the cuts on his arms when a simple binding charm wouldn't close the wounds. "He used a silver blade. The skin has been burnt apart" she whispered in horror and then looked up at Albus with tears in her eyes. "Albus. I have never been in this situation before, nor have I trained for it... I don't know what to do..."

"Do whatever you can Poppy, _whatever_ it takes. If you need anything, anything at all to help then just say the word," he said wearily. He pulled Harry further onto his lap, his sky blue robes stained with blood as he rested the boy-who-lived's head on his knee. He ran gentle fingers through the boy's hair and listened only half-heartedly as Poppy pulled herself together.

"Right. Severus I need some potions, the strongest healing potions you can find, some cream for burns, some blood restoring potion, wakefulness, pepper up... Whatever you can think of that might help. Go now, I can't move him until he is stabilised. Sirius I need you to go and get Molly Weasley. She has had some training as a Medi-Witch and may be able to assist me. The poison is in his blood... Remus fetch Minerva and Pomona, bring them straight here, they may know of _something_ I can do." As Poppy finished giving her orders, the three wizards in question immediately left to do as she asked, she looked up at Albus and smiled softly at the terror she saw in his eyes.

"Will he live? Does he have a chance?" he asked hoarsely and Poppy sighed. She considered just saying the usual response she had been taught to give to families and friends of such fatal incidents but she knew he would see straight through it and so she sighed, forcing herself to get Harry into a more comfortable position

"I do not know. I will do all I can," she said eventually. Just as the words left her mouth, the door opened and Remus returned with Minerva McGonagall and Pomona Sprout. Both stopped and gasped at what they saw, it seemed Remus hadn't bothered to explain. Severus returned and dropped to his knees gracefully besides Harry and the piles of potion bottle in his arms were dumped on the floor before he took Harry and dragged him closer, away from Albus. Everyone just stared at him, unsure of what to do, watching as he tried to pour potions down Harry's mouth that was stubbornly clamped shut. After a minute, he looked up with tears in his eyes

"Help me" he chocked, his eyes locked with his colleagues. With that one plea from the man who never asked for anything, the others burst into action. Sprout started to list off the herbs and plants that may offer some help whilst McGonagall and Remus sifted through all they knew and had read over the years.

"We need to get these wounds closed first, he cant afford to lose anymore blood" Poppy said quickly as she sorted through the pile of potions and ointments Severus had brought. They tried everything they could think off, they forced pepper up potions and a blood restorer down his throat but the wounds wouldn't respond to either the burn cream or the strongest healing potions. After what felt like hours, Fawkes trilled softly and he hoped down from where he was watching and held his head over Harry's left arm, crying gentle tears for his future master.

Everyone watched with bated breath and then as one let out a sigh of relief when very slowly the wounds started to close. Molly and Sirius had arrived by now and Molly took in the sight before her, gasped and then pulled up the mask she had been taught when she was training as a Medi-Witch. She moved to Harry's side and waited patiently for Poppy to tell her to do something whilst holding on to his hand.

"We should give him the wakefulness potion..." Severus said but Poppy shook her head

"Not yet, if we give him that now then not only will he feel every bit of pain but he will also have the chance to stop fighting." She said seriously. She looked up and noticed that Sprout had run off to find some of her herbs whilst Sirius and Remus paced up and down fretfully.

"This is all my fault, I shouldn't have let him go!" Sirius burst out after a minute. Remus sighed and put a hand on his shoulder

"No, this is none of our faults, nor Harry's. He's scared Siri and I don't blame him. I know what it does to someone who believes they have to go through that every single month..." he said softly

"What? You mean he's a..." Molly started to say but was cut off by Poppy's gasp

"We're losing him, his pulse has weakened. Severus the wakefulness potions quick!" she pried Harry's jaw open as much as she could and helped Severus pour the potions down his throat and then rubbed two of her fingers down his neck, soothing the passage of the potion. Harry's body tensed completely and his fingers curled as his eyes snapped open. He looked both scared and completely exhausted as those emerald eyes of his quickly assessed the situation.

"No" he said weakly "No, no, no" he tried to shake his head but Severus held it tight and stopped him from moving and the emerald eyes darted from face to face again "No! You're not supposed to be here! This isn't supposed to happen! NO!" he said as loud as he could but it came out no more than a whisper

"Don't you leave me now Harry, don't you dare" Severus whispered and stroked the hair out of his face. "I'm sorry, don't leave me. I didn't mean to hurt you; I'm your mate Harry, its ok, its fine. Come back to us, come back to me"

"No, no, no" Harry repeated again and again, his eyes dropping closed and Albus crawled up to him and tapped his cheek lightly, forcing his eyes open again

"Don't you dare Harry, come on. Everything will be fine, you'll see. We're all here for you Harry, we love you, you can't leave us now" he whispered, ignoring the single tear that fell down his cheek that was closely followed by more. Harry stared at him transfixed for a minute before he lifted a weak hand, ignoring the protests from Poppy, and touched the Headmaster's cheek, wiping away the tears and then he smiled.

"Don't pretend, no need to pretend," he whispered but Albus shook his head sadly

"I don't pretend, never. I love you Harry. With all my heart, you are like a son to me, please fight this Harry, please come back to us"

"You – you love me?" Harry whispered in awe, seeing the truth in those blue eyes and in the tears the old man was shredding. He couldn't seem to comprehend the fact that anybody would care for someone like him... But Dumbledore did.

"I love you too Harry, I love you so much. I just wanted to talk to you about what happened, I just wanted to understand but I do now. I know, you are my soul mate, my other half. Don't leave me when I have only just found you" Severus whispered fiercely and Harry closed his eyes briefly and turned his head to the side a little

"Now I know your lying, you're just saying that. Someone like you couldn't love someone like me." He said painfully, his voice getting weaker and his eyes dropping closed again

"No! That's what _I_ thought about _you_ Harry, you're beautiful and you don't even know it. You're innocent, beautiful, intelligent and funny... I'm just a washed up deatheater but I love you. You know I have never lied to you, I never have and never will." Severus insisted and Harry looked at him closely, he opened his mouth to say something but then his body tensed rigid again and his face clouded in pain.

"I – I love you too, all of you" Harry whispered as he forced his eyes open again. He worried his bottom lip and then winced in pain as he remembered the night before when he bit through it completely. He knew he had a brief moment of decision here, he could fight and live, he could be with Severus and his family and he could endure the rest of this miserable life just as anyone else had too _or_ he could rest in peace and meet his parents for once. He wouldn't have the threat of Voldemort nor the pain the man brought... He looked into Severus's eyes and then into Dumbledore's, Sirius's and Remus's.

With a newfound strength and determination, he forced himself to fight his death, every ounce of his being, his magic and his soul fought to restore his blood and fight back the poison of the silver. He made sure to keep his eyes open and gripped onto the two hands he held for dear life. He borrowed strength from both his mate and his Headmaster and he tried his damn best to live.

Who would have thought?


	10. Chapter Ten

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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_**Written by Becca**_

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost. Whinging

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Chapter Ten

Albus sighed as he sank further back into his chair. It had been two full weeks since they had found Harry in the bathroom and they had just managed to stabilize him. Since then he has been unconscious and has woke only once long enough to ensure them all that he was still alive before he sank back into the darkness. Albus had been in the hospital wing near enough every single day since then and Severus only left for his lessons, preferring to sleep in the chair besides Harry's bed whilst holding his hand.

Molly Weasley had been popping in and out of Hogwarts every day to see if he was awake and Harry's four friends, Ron, Hermione, Draco and Ginny snuck down to the infirmary every single night to speak to their unconscious friend as if he was awake and listening. Albus smiled slightly as he recalled the first night he had caught them and saw the surprised look on their faces as he instructed them not to allow Poppy to find them or she would ban them from the room.

Sirius and Remus were just as worried as Albus and Severus were and it was clear to most of the student population that something had happened to Harry. Once again the solemn silence of respect for the boy-who-lived filled the Great Hall at meal times but nobody besides the teachers and Harry's friends knew exactly what had happened. The ministry had been informed that he was ill, recovering still from the repercussions of the Dursleys and the trial for the muggles had been set back as Harry was required to give evidence.

Albus wasn't a fool. He knew that Harry's surviving was just as much a miracle as his surviving the killing curse and he knew that it wouldn't have been possible if the boy hadn't of fought at the end. The fact that he had though was a huge relief to the headmaster; it meant that Harry wouldn't try something like this again for at least a while and that he was beginning to regret his decision. Even so, that still didn't stop him from placing a charm over Harry that would alert him if the boy were in danger.

The poison had entered his blood stream and by all rights, Harry should not be breathing now but he was. No one was quite sure what this would mean once he awoke but it proved to be interesting. Soon Albus would have to start thinking about the best thing to do if Harry had still not awoke by the time of the next full moon but for now, he brushed off that concern and just looked down at the boy.

He couldn't understand Harry's lack of confidence in himself, be it in looks or personality. What was it exactly that the boy saw when he looked in the mirror? Because it certainly couldn't be the handsome young man that everybody else could see. He shook his head with a rueful smile as he watched Severus and listened to the Potion Masters soft voice as he spoke to the young unconscious werewolf.

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Harry clung to the darkness as if it was a sheet and wrapped it around himself. He was well aware that he was beginning to wake, he could feel the tugging that pulled at his core and wasn't sure whether he wanted to face the consequences of his actions. He had made his decision and he had fought to remain alive, right now he believed that to have been one of the most foolish decisions of his life. He did not want to return to the land of the living so to speak, he could no longer put up with the pain and loneliness in both his body and his soul... But he had chosen and now he would not back down on that, at least not for a while anyway. He would need to stay and try to find the reasons he had opted to remain and see if they were worth the pain he would suffer...

He knew that little could have changed his mind unless it was something really important

He just didn't have a clue _what_ that something was.

He heard the silky baritone voice of someone familiar and then the day in the bathroom flashed before his eyes. He saw Snape, Dumbledore, Lupin, Black, Mrs. Weasley... All he had ever cared about practically had been in the room with him and Snape... Snape had declared love to him. Harry screwed his eyes shut painfully, he was sure the man had just said those things to get him to fight, he was sure the man could never love him.

"Poppy! He moved! He's waking!"

That voice sounded so familiar and Harry pondered on who it could be for a minute before he noticed the tight grips on his hands and that, along with the concern he had heard in that voice stunned him beyond belief. They cared for him, he couldn't figure out _who_ yet but at least two people in this forsaken world cared for him deeply. He felt a third hand pressed against his chest and with great effort, he peeled one eye open and blinked under the sudden assault of light.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw one of the two was Severus and he was pale and trembling. The Potions Master looking more open now than he had ever before as the worry, love, and relief at his awakening shone brightly in those usually dark eyes. He turned his head to the other side and wasn't surprised to see Dumbledore, what he _was_ surprised about though was the completely unguarded expression that matched Severus's on the old man's face. The worry and – was that tears?- in his eyes. Instantly, warmth and gratitude for them spread through him before the guilt rose in his throat... He had done this; he had caused so much pain to them...

"I- I'm sorry" he whispered painfully, his voice barely audible and he winced at the pain in his throat. A goblet was pressed gently against his lips as a hand slipped around the back of his head and lifted it ever so slightly. He smiled as much as he could gratefully before swallowing small bits of water, relieving his throat. He let his head settle back against the pillow and let his eyes flutter shut again. Lips were pressed to his cheek and he tensed before he heard a whispered voice in his ear

"I love you"

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Harry woke again with a start; he tried to sit up and then winced as his muscles screamed in protest. A hand was stroking his hair back and whispering encouraging words as he trembled; unable to see anything in the darkness having woke from a bad dream of memories. He heard hushed voices besides him but when he looked he couldn't see anything and he started to hyperventilate

"Light" he gasped out, ignoring the explosion of pain this one simple word caused his head as best he could. It seemed he was heard though because the next minute a blinding light filled his eyes and he blinked over and over again and relaxed slightly when he saw Severus was besides him, trying to comfort him. Seeing the Potions Master here now, in what was obviously the middle of the night surprised Harry just as much as it did to see the pain in the mans eyes.

"Love you...so sorry" Harry whispered painfully though he wasn't sure whether he was apologising for loving him or for hurting him. Snape's fingers that were running through his hair soothingly never stopped and Harry's breath caught in his throat as he saw a small smile pull at the corners of the man's lips.

"Its ok. I love you too, don't be sorry, I love you too." Severus said softly and Harry smiled as much as he could, unable to convey the warmth of feeling that one sentence gave him. The truth in the Potions Masters voice led Harry to believe that the older man truly did believe he loved him. He tried not to get his hopes up though because he knew there were rules against student/teacher relationships. As if reading his mind, Severus moved to placate him. "Its ok Harry, I love you too and it's ok. We are mates and the rules don't apply where mates are concerned. Its ok"

Harry heard a gasp to his right and turned sharply. He saw Dumbledore fast asleep in the other chair besides his bed and after studying him closely; Harry was convinced it wasn't he who had made the noise. Unable to see anyone else in the room, Harry started to panic, he looked left and right and gripped on to Snape's hand

"Who's there? Who made that noise? Professor there's someone here" he croaked, fear in his eyes. He jumped when Ron and Hermione appeared besides him, having ripped the invisibility cloak off them as soon as they saw Harry's fear. Hermione moved to his side and picked up his free hand gently.

"Sorry Harry, we didn't mean to scare you... We were worried... We had to see you... Sorry" Harry relaxed instantly upon hearing her voice and he studied his two friends carefully. Both of them had skin almost as pale as Harry thought his would be. Their eyes were bloodshot and black and purple bags lined them. His heart went out to them as he saw their pain clearly masking their features and the guilt in him rose again. How could he be so stupid as to think nobody cared? He flinched as a Potions phial was pressed to his lips and then without hesitation, swallowed what he was offered.

He breathed a sigh of relief as the pain in his head, throat and muscles subsided somewhat and with help, was able to sit up. As soon as he shifted, the headmaster sat up wide-awake and just stared at him for a minute, unsure whether to believe his eyes or whether he was dreaming again. Harry lowered his eyes and shifted uncomfortably under the intense gaze but jumped when arms wrapped tightly around him.

"You're awake" Harry winced slightly as the Headmaster pulled him into his arms until he was once again near enough sat on his knee.

"Are – are you angry with me?" Harry whispered fearfully and Dumbledore tightened his grip slightly before shaking his head.

"No. The time of being angry has long since passed Harry. Even then none of us were angry with you but with ourselves for not noticing what you were going through" he replied seriously and then tilted Harry's chin back until their eyes met. "Promise me you wont do that again Harry... Promise me you wont leave us"

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The next time Harry awoke, he found that he was alone with a sleeping Severus Snape sat in the chair besides him. The light shone through the window so he at least had some idea of what time it was. He could hear nothing but the breathing of his...mate? And he looked over at him carefully, studying him. Severus had said twice now that they were mates, that they were meant to be together and Harry had only read up on a few things concerning werewolves and their mates. Sirius was Remus's... That much was obvious to Harry even if they had never said as much in words.

He wondered how he felt about this, once again his future was mapped out for him and his fate decided. Could he not even choice who he wanted to love? But, saying that he had felt attraction towards the potions master before, Severus was beautiful, intelligent, witty and strong... Everything Harry would ever need or want. Perhaps this once he should not be bitter with his life, perhaps, if what Severus had said was true, perhaps this was his reward for what he must endure... Perhaps it would be worth living after all.

He sighed and looked down at his hands, visibly flinching at the large circular scar that was in the middle of both palms. He gently ran a finger down one of them and cringed at the feel, his skin was awfully tender and it looked revolting. He let his eyes trail up from wrist to elbow, following the path of the large marring scar that ran up the length of both arms. When he had done this, he hadn't once considered the consequences should it not succeed and now here he was and would have to look at the reminder every single day for the rest of his life.

Harry looked up when he heard the door open and was both tense and relieved when he saw it was Remus and Sirius. His mind flashed back to the injuries he had received after the last transformation and he once again tried to remember what had happened when everything went black. He bit his lip and turned away from them slightly, flinching openly when Remus lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Harry..." Sirius whispered in confusion. He sat down gently on the bed besides his godson and studied him carefully. "We missed you so much Harry, we're so glad you're awake... We are not angry with you," he said, thinking that that was it. Remus hesitated and then stepped closer and took Harry's hand in his own, not letting him pull away.

"You fear us. You fear us both. Why is that?" the werewolf asked as he smelt the confusion of emotions that swam around inside Harry. Harry tried to look down but was unable to do so when Remus grabbed his chin gently. "What do you remember of that night Harry? We must know so that we can fill in any blanks. Please? We will never hurt you Harry..." Harry studied them both for a minute, smelling and seeing the despair and pain they felt at this discovery and he bit his lip... Perhaps he had acted too rashly, they wouldn't hurt him unless they had too... Would they?

"I – I remember the transformation, and then the wolf walked up to Siri and smelt him and then he came to you and I attacked you" he paused for a minute and swallowed hard as Remus nodded for him to continue. "You fought back, defending yourself and bit me on the neck. The wolf cowered and then all went black" he said seriously. Remus nodded and sat down

"Before I tell you, do you remember thinking or saying anything to the wolf before it went black?" he asked gently.

'_No, we have no pack, we're in this together_' the thought echoed throughout Harry's mind as he remembered and he nodded softly, lowering his eyes. "I – the wolf was happy... He had his pack with him and was ecstatic when he was accepted by you, he recognised you as the dominant and lowered his head... I- I told him we have no pack, that we're alone. That's the last thing I remember... I thought perhaps we had fallen unconscious" he replied quietly.

"...And then you wake up, see both Sirius and I nearly unharmed and you badly injured, you thought back to the Dursleys and compared them to us, you thought we had punished you" Remus filled in for him and Harry didn't reply, lowering his head again. "The wolf didn't fall unconscious Harry, you did," he said after a minute and Harry snapped his head up in confusion

"How...?"

"After saying that, the wolf sensed your pain regarding us, sensed your belief that we had betrayed you and left you. He took complete control. When a wolf takes control completely the 'person' is forced so far back out of his own mind that he cannot see nor remember what has happened. It was like that for me before the wolfbane potion every time I went hunting or was attacked by an animal in the forest. You were pushed away and the wolf took over and tried to kill us. Harry we had no choice but to fight back, you were not in your right mind and your wolf is exceptionally strong..."

"So you didn't... You don't hate me?" Harry whispered, he could smell no lie coming from the other wolf or Sirius as he nodded and hope replaced his fear

"No Harry, we love you" Sirius said firmly. Without care for his protesting body, Harry threw himself at the two men, hugging them tightly and not bothering to stop his tears as he killed them both on the cheek over and over again.

"I thought – I thought I'd lost you," he whispered as he finally managed to calm himself down. Sirius and Remus both grinned and shook their heads at him and when Harry looked up to see if Severus was still asleep, he saw the man watching them with a smile on his face. Harry hesitated and bit his lip but when the man opened his arms invitingly, he clung to him tightly and rested his head on the older man's chest.


	11. Chapter Eleven

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_**In the eye of the wolf**_

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**_Written by Becca_**

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_**Disclaimer: **I own nothing you recognise. So basically, I own nothing and JK owns it all_

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_**Summary**: _Harry returns to Hogwarts late with many secrets. His friends seem to have gone their separate ways and he finds he can only find the peace he needs in his own mind. He becomes withdrawn and depressed; will he allow anyone to break through the ice he has wrapped around his own heart? Will he find love and learn to shoulder his burden with a straight face or will he sink further into the darkness until he is lost. Whinging

**_Author Notes:_** This took longer than I would have liked but I seem to be coming to a standstill on all of my stories as of late. If any of you have any ideas what Harry and Albus can be doing together in the next chapter, feel free to leave your suggestions lol. I hope you like this chapter for I had to rewrite it a good few times before it satisfied me enough... Thank you all for your reviews so far though, I love 'em :_grins_:

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Chapter Eleven

Harry's recovery was a slow one, but not as slow as it had been the last time he was in here. The cub in him had obviously welcomed back his pack and refused no one. He was not left alone at all and instead of feeling resentful because of this, he was grateful. He got to spend much more time with Severus and the Headmaster over the following days and for once neither of them guarded themselves from him. His four friends visited every single night and spent as long as they could with him before Madame Pomfrey kicked them out and either Sirius or Remus made a point of sleeping with him each night so that he was tucked up and wrapped in their warmth and love for him.

He was told that _when_ he was released he would be staying in a spare room in the headmasters tower or when he wanted, he could go to Sirius and Remus in their quarters. He was not going back to the Gryffindor tower for the rest of the year by the looks of things and he was relieved at that, he did not know where his thoughts would turn if he was alone for too long and he didn't want to find out either.

He was happy as things were now and he never wanted them to change.

He sat up, having once more completed the classwork for the lessons he had missed whilst half-heartedly listening to the conversation between the headmaster and his Severus. _His_ Severus... Harry smiled wryly and shook his head, he didn't know where he and Sev were going and had done nothing but hold hands since he awoke but Severus didn't seem to have a problem repeating his love for Harry over and over again which was unusual for the man. Harry felt guilty for breaking the Potion Masters defences even though he liked to hear that he was loved... Love or not, Severus could still be as much of a bastard.

Harry snorted at that, the two of them bickered so much that it was beginning to be a habit. They never argued seriously as they didn't really have anything to argue about but they disagreed on a lot of subjects and Severus could most definitely hold his own in a debate. Harry smiled, proud, his Severus had even managed to argue the Headmaster into silence when debating with him.

Sirius, Remus and Albus all seemed perfectly fine with the budding romance between student and teacher, as did Hermione and surprisingly Ron. They all seemed genuinely happy for both Harry and Sev and had even joked about wedding bells. Severus was holding back though, and Harry knew this. The Potions Master was scared of being hurt and rejected but mostly, he was scared about Voldemort and didn't want to allow himself to get too close unless either he or Harry died.

That fact alone made Harry determined to finish this as soon as he could. He was resolute in his desire to start preparing for the war that had hit the Wizarding world and as soon as he was allowed out of the hospital wing, he would begin. If he died, then so be it, but Severus would no longer have to live in fear... If by any chance they both survived then perhaps Harry could be happy, truly happy for once.

Harry sighed and stared up at the white walls of the hospital wing, he had no hope of killing Voldemort and surviving...hell he barely had hope that he would defeat the Dark Lord at all but he would do all he could and he was determined to take the bastard down with him. His eyes fell to the palm of his hands again and still he flinched openly at the horrid scars he saw there, he wiggled his fingers and only felt a little strain against the new flesh that had grown but felt no pain.

He reached over to the small cabinet that sat besides his bed and pulled the gloves he had begged Sirius to get for him onto his lap. Without a second thought, he pulled them on and flexed his fingers again, at least he didn't have to stare at that scar anymore though he knew clearly that it was there and so it was little comfort.

"Are you alright Harry?" Severus called and Harry looked up startled, he had forgotten anyone else was there. He looked around for Dumbledore only to see that the old man had already left and he smiled softly to Severus when he saw the man was still watching him closely.

"I'm fine si- Sev" he said and grinned sheepishly when the older man chuckled at his difficulty. He watched as Severus stood up and lay down besides him, pulling him closer and then he rested his head on his Severus's chest and closed his eyes. Before he even attempted to sleep again, he made himself look up into Severus's face and he bit his lip before lowering his eyes again. "May I – can I – kiss you?" he asked quietly and then screwed his eyes shut again, waiting for the rejection.

He was surprised to feel a hand tilt his chin up and then soft lips covered his own. Harry moaned and practically melted against the lean body besides him as he parted his lips to a probing tongue. He then contented himself with exploring Severus's mouth until it became vital to break apart for air. He smiled happily as Severus stroked his cheek and then he settled down to sleep again.

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Harry was released from the hospital wing a week after he had returned to the land of the living but he was not allowed to leave alone. He waited patiently until Albus arrived to show him to his new room and decided to wash and get ready whilst he was waiting. His thoughts slipped back to Severus and a shy smile pulled at his lips, he didn't know what to think of that kiss other than _wow_.

As he still was not allowed to be alone, the bathroom had been warded against magic so that he couldn't get any ideas and so he informed Madame Pomfrey of where he was going and then slipped into the room. He blushed with embarrassment as he remembered the first time he had showered after waking; Madame Pomfrey had had to watch over him, as they hadn't thought of placing up the wards until after then. Though usually Remus and Sirius joined him in the shower now anyway, considering he was used to it from after his first transformation.

Harry snorted at the thought, a part of him was still smitten with the attention he was receiving from those who loved him, but another part of him wished they would just leave him alone and let him get on with his life. It was confusing to say the least and more than a little ironic. Throughout all his past years at Hogwarts, Harry had just wished everyone would leave him alone, he loathed the attention and the fame and he still did now... But he reeled in the fact that they all cared enough to watch him so, not the attention he was receiving itself.

As he dried and put dressed, he heard a knock on the door and called for whoever it was to come in. the door opened and Albus slipped inside, beaming when he saw he was nearly ready. Harry smiled and turned back to the mirror, sorting out his hair the best he could and straightening his clothes. He then sat down and slowly pulled a sock on over his feet. He knew why they were all insistent on watching him, he knew they feared he would try and kill himself, perhaps transfigure something into a knife... But well, for now he was happy, or at least as happy as he believed _he_ could be.

"You don't have to watch over me sir. I've given you my word a number of times..." he started and then trailed off. He could mimic the exact response Dumbledore would say, having heard it plenty of times over the last few days. He smiled to himself and tugged on his other sock.

"I know. Its not that we don't trust you, we love you and we worry" Dumbledore said as he passed a shoe over and Harry smiled, taking it off him. He sighed but only half-heartedly as he pulled his laces tight. "Are you looking forward to leaving Harry?" the headmaster asked again, his eyes twinkling and Harry snorted.

"Yes sir. Will I be attended lessons again tomorrow?" he asked patiently, every time he had asked that lately, he hadn't received an answer and so wasn't expecting one yet. He pulled his robes over his head and turned to the headmaster with a smile. Dumbledore held out his hand, and Harry took it without question, allowing himself to be led from the room.

He wasn't surprised to see his things had already been removed from the hospital wing as he waved goodbye to Madame Pomfrey on the way. They stepped out of the room and Harry looked around again, he felt like he had been in that room for so long that everything would be changed and cars would be flying by the time he left... Thankfully, everything looked pretty much the same.

"No, you will not be attending lessons tomorrow Harry as you and I have something else to do. Now, as for your room, I'm afraid it has been warded so that magic cannot be used besides that of the caster, I know you think we don't trust you Harry... We just want to be sure" Dumbledore replied eventually and Harry nodded, lowering his eyes slightly. He looked up as the headmaster gave the password to his office and then they both stepped on to the moving stairs, still hand in hand.

"What are we doing tomorrow?" Harry asked, and Dumbledore grinned at him mischievously.

"Lots of things" he replied evasively and Harry rolled his eyes. He stroked Fawkes and smiled happily when the phoenix trilled and jumped onto his shoulder and then he followed Dumbledore up some stairs he had never been up before and through another door. From here it looked pretty much the same as Remus and Sirius's quarters only larger and quite a bit more _grand_. He listening as Dumbledore pointed to each door they passed and pointed out where his own bedroom was, the bathroom, kitchen, living room... And then they came to a stop at the end of the little hall and the headmaster pushed open the door into another bedroom.

The walls were decorated with light blue and purple paper; there was a huge bed in the center of the far wall, a walk in wardrobe, a door that led to a bathroom, a huge desk and chair for his homework and his trunk was already here at the foot of his bed. Harry looked out of the one window he had and found himself looking out over the lake and the forest. He grinned and turned back to Dumbledore only to find the old man watching him with a smile.

"Now Harry, you don't have to stay in here. You are quite welcome to join me in my office or any room in the chambers. This is your bedroom for as long as you want it. Now you may want to get some sleep as tomorrow proves to be quite busy. When you wake up in the morning, you will find some clothes laid out for you" as he left, Harry laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. His wand, useless now that he was in this room, he threw into the drawer of his bedside cabinet and he attempted to count the swirls on the ceiling.

It didn't take him long to realise that whilst in the hospital wing, the closeness of his friends and family had felt like a blessing. But now that he was out in the open, now that he could be speaking with his friends, buried away in the library or sitting by the lake getting some peace and quiet, he was stuck in a room warded so that he could use no magic and his every move was being watched carefully and interpreted so that there was clearly no intent of his hiding anything or attempting to kill himself, again.

He briefly wondered where he and the headmaster would be going the next day or what they would be doing, but no matter how hard he tried, he could think of nothing. That was the problem with Dumbledore; the only thing the man was predictable in was his fondness of muggle sweets and the passwords to his office. For all he knew, they could be doing anything from playing chess all day to going to Disney Land in Florida. Though he very much doubted it was the latter. He smirked at the thought and allowed himself a brief chuckle before grabbing his books to him and settling down to read. He glanced briefly at his gloved hands before he attempted to clear his mind of all thoughts so that he could concentrate.

Tomorrow would prove to be interesting at least.


	12. Chapter Twelve

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_**In the Eye of the Wolf**_

_**By Becca**_

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**Disclaimer:** I own nothing you recognise

**_Notes:_** Ugh! I know you all want to kill me and I seriously can't blame you lol. A shortish-sweet chapter here for you now, just to let you all know that I haven't abandoned it. Just like I haven't abandoned any of my other stories. I'll tryyyy and get updates up quicker but I'm working on my 'Heir of Corvus' series and am still seriously blocked on just about everything else. I haven't checked for any errors because its 7.55 am and I haven't been to sleep yet, I wanted to get this up for you.

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Chapter Twelve

Interesting certainly wasn't the word for it.

Harry woke to find some emerald green robes laid out for him, as promised, and he dressed in them as quickly as he could. The material was of the finest he had ever seen before; it felt like silk but looked much richer. The robes pulled tight across his chest, clinging to his muscles on the upper part of his body and then it just shimmered down to the ground, brushing against his legs softly as he walked.

He straightened out his hair with surprising ease and noticed that it had grown quite a bit since he last cut it. If he remembered correctly, that had been over a year ago when Aunt Petunia had ranted about the uselessness of it. Instead of merely pushing it back and leaving it, he pulled a hair-tie pit of his trunk which had been amongst the clothes Sirius had bought him at the beginning of the year, and then tied his hair back.

It was only just long enough to go in a ponytail but it would do. He left two bangs out to frame his face, one of which nearly managed to cover the scar completely.

When he was ready, he stepped out of the bedroom hesitantly and then pushed the door to the 'living room' open to see the headmaster sat with a book on his knee in front of the fire, though it didn't look like the old man was actually reading, he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

Without saying a word and trying to not disturb him, Harry stepped further into the room and shut the door behind him. He glanced around awkwardly but before he could go and sit in the chair near the window, he noticed that he had gained the headmasters attention.

"Ahh good morning Harry, did you sleep well?"

"Yes sir, thank you sir. Yourself?" he replied politely and he smiled with a little relief as the old man patted the seat beside him. He crossed the room and sat on the other end of the settee, clasping his hands and letting them fall to his knee.

This was awkward.

"Relax my son; this is your home now. Should you wish it, of course?" Dumbledore said softly when he noticed the tenseness and he reached across to take Harry's hand. "I happened to sleep exceptionally well, thank you very much. Please, call me Albus."

"Yes sir- umm – Albus." Harry murmured awkwardly and then grinned sheepishly at the laugh he received in return. They both sat in silence for a while, staring into the fire while Albus continued to hold Harry's hand and then the old wizard sighed heavily.

"Come, we'll go down to the kitchens for breakfast before we leave. I assume you are hungry?"

Harry allowed himself to be led out through Dumbledore's, well, their, quarters and into the office. He saw Fawkes perched on his wooden stick and he walked over to stroke the Phoenix while the headmaster collected something from the draw of his desk. Without a word said, they left the office and entered the main part of the school.

Harry was barely able to pay attention as they entered the kitchens and sat down at the table there, attacked by house elves. He was too busy thinking about the day ahead. He knew without a doubt that one of the places they would visit today would be the Ministry to register him as a werewolf. It had to be done or there was a huge penalty should the ministry find a werewolf unregistered. Sometimes that penalty resulted in a sentence to Azkaban.

Harry definitely didn't want that.

It was inevitable. He had known that from the very start, before anyone else had found out. He had known that the entire world would find out and that it would probably be posted in the Daily Prophet, and if he wanted to admit it, then he would have to say that it had been dragged out for a lot longer than expected. Part of him didn't care, he knew he had everybody who loved and cared for him at his side. He had Remus and Sirius and Sev and Dumb-Albus and then of course there were his friends.

He would get through this.

He _had_ to get through this.

He chewed slowly on a piece of toast and turned his thoughts away from the Ministry. Dumbledore had said that they were going to be doing lots of things today, so apart from registering him as a werewolf, what else would they be doing? For the life of him, he couldn't even begin to guess.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Dumbledore asked kindly and Harry blinked away from his thoughts, smiling sheepishly when he realised that the old man had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes.

"Yes sir, I was just thinking. Are you going to tell me what we're doing today yet?" he asked hopefully but Dumbledore just beamed at him, his eyes twinkling so much that Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing. One could say that it was cute.

"Nope, it's a surprise." Albus replied in a sing-song voice, grinning inwardly when Harry gave yet another snort of amusement. He eyed the young boy for a minute intently and sighed, they would be going to the Ministry, but after that Albus wanted to do something that would take Harry's mind off everything for a while. The truth was, he didn't even know what they would be doing today himself yet.

Perhaps a little shopping spree would do the trick.

-

Harry remained tense and unyielding from the minute they entered the Ministry building. He hadn't been far wrong when he had thought about them coming here. The headmaster had explained the necessity to him again, even though Harry knew why it must be done, and had tried to reassure him and tell him that everything would be fine. The only problem was that Dumbledore sounded like he was trying to reassure himself just as much as he was Harry.

His hand was being held, once more, by the headmaster of Hogwarts as they both handed over their wands. Dumbledore cheerfully and Harry with obvious hesitation. He didn't like to part with his only weapon anymore, not after the bloody summer he had had. When the wands had been put away safely and they had been deemed harmless to ministry officials in general, they passed through to a long corridor where several of the black portals that led to different offices and places.

Harry was instantly reminded of the end of the summer before his fifth year.

The forth portal they came too, Dumbledore stopped him and then motioned for him to go through first. With a deep breath, Harry bowed his head with acknowledgement and then pushed himself through.

When he came through on the other side, he was in a rather large office that had two desks in it. Rather like Mr. Weasleys office had been but at least twice the size. A witch and a wizard that Harry had never seen before we sat at said desks with their heads bowed over paperwork, and they both glanced up when they saw him enter.

Before anyone could say anything, Dumbledore had come through and he placed his hand on Harry's shoulder comfortingly as he smiled at the two officials.

"Good morning Lisa, Phillip." He said cheerfully and the two smiled widely.

"Morning headmaster. I must say, this is a surprise." the woman, Lisa, replied immediately as she stood up and held out her hand to the old man. Dumbledore took it gently and then motioned to Harry.

"Cant stay long I'm afraid, pressing business to attend too. First though, my young friend here needs to be registered as a werewolf. I want this to remain low key… no one but yourselves and the Minister is to hear about this." He said sternly, looking over the tops of his glasses at them. The two were staring at Harry in obvious shock, seeing the scar on his forehead and the obvious closeness between Harry and the headmaster.

"Of course! Mr. Potter, I'm afraid I'm going to need you to tell me everything about the night of the accident and the events surrounding it." Phillip managed to choke out after a minute, pulling a form out of his desk. Harry glanced up at Dumbledore and sighed when the old man nodded for him to do so. He told them out running away from the abuse, about managing to apparate somehow and then about finding himself in a forest on the night of a full moon.

Everything was reported carefully, word for word, and as suspected, the man said that they were going to have to inform the aurors about the abuse so that they could arrest the muggles and take action. Expected yet, but Harry had been hopeful that if he just skimmed over that bit, it wouldn't stick out. Unfortunately he had been wrong.

A blood sample was taken from him as well as more information on everything down to his shoe size. Finally after hours or answering questions, a mark was pressed into Harry's skin, on the underneath side of his arm, just above his elbow. A mark that told all who looked what he was. Lisa had been terribly apologetic about that and had even had tears in her eyes as she did it, obviously she hadn't wanted to.

It mattered little really. It had been done.

Finally, they left the Ministry and it wasn't until they were outside and breathing fresh air that Harry allowed himself to relax a little bit. He wanted nothing more now than to go home, curl up and pretend that none of this had ever happened, but Albus had ideas of his own.

First they went to Madame Malkin's where Dumbledore insisted on buying them both some muggle clothes. Then they changed into said clothes and headed into muggle London itself.

Harry had never been here before and he had to admit that it proved to be interesting. The first shop they went in had been a muggle clothes shop and everything that Harry looked at, Dumbledore bought. He didn't listen to any protests and just beamed when Harry glared at him with frustration, claiming that this was a treat from himself, Remus, Sirius and Severus.

After the clothes shop, they went to the book shop where Harry was very careful not to look at anything… but keeping his eyes closed the entire time. The situation was awkward, but Dumbledore would have none of it and he kept showing books to Harry, making him open his eyes to take a peek out of curiosity.

Already laden with more than enough bags towards them, Albus led him through London town centre, stopping in whatever shop caught his interest. After a while the embarrassment died down and Harry even found himself having fun. He managed to forget about the ministry for a while, even managed to forget about everything else as he tried on a pair of blue denim jeans with a brown picture of an eagle stamped across the back pockets.

Finally, after what must have been hours, they came to a stop outside of a muggle food place called MacDonalds. Harry had always wanted to try this but his relatives had never allowed him too. Their pockets were full of shrunken bags and in their hands they held more than enough to weigh them down… but Harry was smiling.

He had never before had so much fun.

-

When they returned to the castle, Harry went straight to his room to put all of his new things away and actually found himself running out of room. The drawers were full of clothes and yet he had a bit left over. The bookcase was full of books but he still had at least twenty more piled on the floor. He also had a few board games, some jewellery, new shoes and god only knew what else.

When he had finished, he slipped back out of the room and into the living room, as he had been instructed. Dumbledore was sat at the table this time and next to him sat both Remus and Sirius. All three men smiled when he entered and then gestured to the two things on the table in front of them.

The first thing was a dark red egg, the size of tennis ball. Harry looked at it for a minute with open confusion before he finally looked back up at the teachers.

"A phoenix egg Harry. Fathered by Fawkes… though he won't tell me who owns the mother. Fawkes tells me that this one is to be born for you specially. Like the wand, it's the phoenixes that choose the wizard." Dumbledore explained and Harry blinked, completely speechless. He stepped closer and reached out but stopped before he touched it, merely tracing around it in awe.

"I – wow – this is – thank you." He stuttered eventually and Dumbledore nodded with a smile. He was about to say something else when Sirius pushed the piece of paper across to Harry first, with obvious excitement. Watching his godfather cautiously, Harry took up the piece of paper and then his breath caught in his throat when he read the title.

"APPLICATION FOR JOINT-ADOPTION"

Was plastered across the top of the page. Harry looked back up with tears in his eyes and swallowed hard, unable to think of anything to say.

"Siri and I are going to live with each other out of school… we were rather hoping that you would join us sometimes. As a werewolf, I personally can't fill out the form and so Sirius will do that part." Remus explained, breaking the silence.

"Of course, I can't let them steal my son away all the time now can I?" Albus asked with a beaming smile. "If you agree and sign this, then you can spend half of the summer with Remus and Sirius, and then other half of the summer with me. Weekends we take it in turns and for Christmas we'll all be together." He said again and Harry stared at them, his tears running free.

"I – I don't know what to say – I – I mean – of course I want to! – but I – are you sure this is what you want?" he asked hesitantly, almost fearing the answer. The three men merely smiled softly at him and nodded without hesitation, letting him see how much they wanted this in their eyes.

When he was reassured, he dropped the letter back onto the table and then launched himself into their arms, Remus first because he was closest. He clung on to them tightly, unable to believe what he was seeing… or hearing. Any doubts that he may have had about their love for him now vanished and left him feeling warm and, well, once could say happy.


End file.

Harry Potter, Angst, Romance