Gossip Girl 1. A Bass' Life

**A/N-Don't own**

"Charles you must know _something_. I'm sure I don't need to remind you what will happen if this article goes public." Bart threatened. "You go t--"

Knock, knock.

"Who is it!" Bart demanded, storming out from behind his desk and flinging the office door open. "I gave specific instructions not to be disturbed."

Blair Waldorf stood behind the door casually inspecting her nails as if she hadn't heard the door opening, after a few agonizing seconds she looked up.

"Mr. Bass." She smiled, "How are you?" She pushed past him and into the office. She stood behind the now unoccupied desk and fixed the shocked Chuck with a smirk.

"Ms. Waldorf what on earth are you doing here?" Bart asked coldly. "And how did you get past the guards?"

"Those two lovely men beside the door?" Blair asked innocently. "I just so happened to mention I was thirsty and they practically ran to get me some refreshment."

"Blair..." Chuck said warningly. "What are you doing?"

"Saving your ass." She hissed, before turning back to a furious Bart Bass. "Now where was I? Oh yes, I was just about to get Dan Humphrey out of your lives for good."

"Excuse me?"

"It should be in here somewhere..." Blair rooted in her overly large handbag. "Aha!" She pulled out a worn bundle of handwritten papers along with a microchip.

"And what may I ask is that?" She could tell Bart was losing his patience so she stopped teasing.

"This is the only copy of 'A Bass' Life'. I'm sure you've heard of it, in fact I think both of you have starring roles."

"Waldor--"

"And this," She held up the microchip, "Is the hard-drive for Humphreys computer. I seemed to have caught him at a bad time, he was just finishing up a project he had been working on. I arrived just before he pressed send."

"How exactly did you manage to procure such goods?" Bart's tone had gone from angry, to disbelieving with just a touch of hopefulness.

Blair flinched for a second before regaining her composure. "I can be very persuasive when I want to be."

"I can vouch for that." Chuck said quietly, his eyes boring into her head.

Bart looked at her for a few seconds before apparently believing her. He walked slowly over to the desk and pressed the intercom. "Julia get me my lawyer on the phone. Tell him I need him here ASAP."

Blair smiled radiantly.

"May I?" Bart asked, taking a step back and holding his hand out for the papers.

"Of course," Blair started to reach out but pulled her hand back at the last second. "Shoot, it appears that I have a thread loose on my sweater. I don't suppose I could..." She motioned towards a silver lighter that was laying next to a packet of cigars on the desk.

"Go right ahead." Bary said politely.

Blair expertly burnt the thread with her free hand before the lighter 'slipped' out of her hand, setting the papers on fire. "Ahh!" She screeched, dropping the papers to the floor and stomping the fire out with her high heels for longer then was strictly necessary.

Bart watched in shock as Blair then 'dropped' the microchip and both Bass' winced when they heard the unmistakable sound of broken plastic.

"Oh no!" Blair put her hands up to her mouth in despair, "Without the evidence you can't possibly sue them!"

Bart was speechless, while a slow smirk spread on Chuck's face.

Blair dropped her hands and stared Bart directly in the eye. "I've read Humphrey's work. He's good. Really good. There's no doubt that he'll make it big one day. And when he does it will be all the more satisfying to ruin his life. I trust you'll keep that in mind."

She looked down at her watch. "Now if you will excuse me, I'm late for an engagement." With that she turned on her heel and strode out of the office.

She hadn't even made it halfway down the hall before a voice called her back.

"Waldorf," She turned and saw Chuck looking at her anxiously. "You didn't..."

"Read it? No." She stated. When he looked at her in askance she added; "I figured if you wanted me to know you would have told me."

He sighed, visibly relieved. Then he looked at her and smirked. "Does this mean I should feel guilty about reading your diary?"

She glared at him.

"Blair..." He called after her again as she turned to leave. "Thank you." He said earnestly.

Blair smiled. "For you...Anytime."

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"Hello Dean Barroby? It's Blair Waldorf.."

**YALE ADMISSIONS LIST – CONSTANCE BILLARDS AND ST. JUDES**

**CLASS OF 2013**

**CONFIRMED BY DEAN BARROBY**

**1. Serena Van der Woodson**

**2 Thomas Cooke**

**3. Daniel Humphrey**

_**A few hours earlier....**_

"Mr Humphrey." Blair plastered a fake smile on her face. "Is Dan here."

"Blair." Rufus greeted the girl at his door with a sigh. "Why is it that whenever I see you I start to fear for my children?"

"I'll choose to ignore that comment." Blair pushed her way into the house. "Now is he here or not?"

"He popped out to see Vanessa, he should be back soon if you want to...wait." Manners forced him to ask.

"Hey Dad, Nate and I are- Blair?" Jenny asked incredulously. "What are you doing here?"

"Can't I just drop by and visit a friend without there being some ulterior motive?" Blair huffed.

"No." Nate, Jenny and Rufus all chorused.

Blair glared at them.

"Seriously B, why are you here?" Nate demanded.

"Well it's certainly not to see you." Blair assured. "And stop looking so worried Little J, if I cared about you and Nate you wouldn't be together right now."

"Like we need your permission." Nate glared at her.

"Speaking of permission," Blair ignored him, "Well done with the fashion show J. Eleanor was furious."

"Yes, well Jenny has decided to return to school full time, so you can assure your mom that there will me no more incidents such as that." Rufus said sternly, "Be good." He warned as he left the loft.

"I'm sure she'll be thrilled." Blair rolled her eyes and looked at her watch impatiently. "How much longer will Cabbage Patch be? I have better things to do then wait around in Brooklyn all day."

"You're here to see Dan?" Jenny asked, "Why? You can't stand each other."

"It isn't a social visit. Trust me. He has something that I want."

"I do?" Dan asked, walking into the loft.

"Yes. That story about Bart Bass. Give it to me." She demanded.

"Did Chuck send you here?" Dan replied confused.

"He doesn't even know I'm here." Blair told him.

"Then why are you helping him. You're not even together." Dan reminded her.

"And whose fault is that!?" Blair glared.

"Okay I'm confused." Nate sighed. "What is this about a story, and why is it Dan's fault that you and Chuck aren't together?"

"What, Humphrey didn't tell you?" Blair laughed humorlessly. "Serena convinced me to ask Dan for advice and he managed to persuade me not to tell Chuck how I really feel."

"Dan you did that?" Jenny frowned.

"Yeah well after what her and Chuck did to Vanessa, can you blame me."

"What did you two do to Vanessa." Nate demanded.

"She tried to blackmail me with that picture of Marcus and Catherine so I tried to get Chuck to seduce her." Blair spat. "Unfortunately it backfired and Vanessa came out looking like a martyr."

"She blackmailed you using that picture?" Nate asked quietly, "Did she really stoop that low?"

"Not as perfect as you thought, is she." Blair said sarcastically.

"You know what, I've heard enough. C'mon Nate let's go." Jenny shook her head and led Nate away.

"Can we just focus here, Blair I'm not giving you the story so you should just go." Dan remained firm.

"What if I told you I could get you early acceptance to Yale?"

"Impossible," Dan shook his head.

Blair looked at him. "Yale usually accepts two candidates from Constance and St. Jude's each year. One boy and one girl. This year they made an exception for myself and Serena so they bumped it up to three. Think about it. Three places, four applicants. And if one of those applicants happened to drop out..."

"You would really give up your dream college for Chuck Bass?" Dan asked.

Blair looked at him and didn't reply. "So do we have a deal?" She pressed.

Dan thought for a few seconds before nodding his head. "Yes. Yes we have a deal."

"Good. Now I want every copy, including the original, and you computer memory." Blair informed him.

Dan sighed but obliged. A few minutes later he returned with a microchip and a bunch of papers. "That's everything. You're lucky you came when you did. I was going to send the final draft to the publishers tonight."

"Well then I guess I saved us both a lot of trouble. I'll make the call to the Dean tonight." Blair turned and left without another word.


	2. Birthday Bliss, Or not

**Okay so I decided to turn this into a chapter fic. This one is really long for one that was meant to be quite short but I hope it works. Seriously though, tell me what you think and don't hold back lol! **

**Scene: Set straight after 2.10, Aaron and Serena went back to their homes and Aaron is meeting her for breakfast with the family. Blair and Nate are friends, and Blair is helping Jenny out by setting up a deal with Eleanor even though Rufus thinks she's going back to school(that will be explained more in later chapters).  
**

**A/N-Don't own.**

"You're in trouble." Serena sang happily, as she sat next to Chuck at the breakfast table.

"Well hello to you too sis." Chuck replied sarcastically.

"What date is it today?" Serena asked the table at large.

"The nineteenth. Why?" Lily replied suspiciously.

"No reason." Serena shrugged innocently, casting Chuck a smug look.

He paled. "The nineteenth? You're sure?" He asked Lily urgently.

"Yes." Lily replied confused.

"What is so important about the nineteenth?" Bart asked.

"Not the nineteenth, the eighteenth. Also know as the day that Blair Cornelia Waldorf hosts her 18th birthday party. For her closest friends attendance is mandatory." Serena smiled. "And I don't believe I saw you last night Chuck."

He glared at her.

"And it was quite a party. What with Eleanor dumping her boyfriend in the middle of the party, Blair actually feeling remorse and going after him only to find out he'd played her. Cindy Lauper even made a guest appearance."

"Cindy Lauper?" Bart asked skeptically.

"Long story." Serena rolled her eyes. "Oh and Aaron invited some of his college friends. B was mad at first but when she saw how much they were enjoying the party she let them stay. After all, if her friends can't be bothered to show up..."

"I get it Serena."

"And remember what happened last year when her "boyfriend" missed her party? She moved on with somebody else pretty quickly afterwards, didn't she Chuck?"

A frantic knocking at the door interrupted his scathing reply. "Oh Mom I forgot to tell you, I invited Blair and Aaron for breakfast." Serena called over her shoulder.

"Mathew get me a scotch." Chuck ordered, ignoring Bart's disapproving look. "A large one." He winced, after hearing a shriek of "SERENA!"

"He's moving in!" Blair wailed as soon as Serena opened the door.

"Umm, good morning." Serena laughed, bemused. "Come right on in," She rolled her eyes sardonically as Blair flounced past her and plopped down at the breakfast table.

"Mr and Mrs Bass." She nodded, competely ignoring the one other occupant of the table.

"They've barely even been dating a month and already they're moving in together." Blair continued, she stole a piece of toast off Serena's plate and continued to talk as she ate.

"Ahh, so you've heard." A voice came from behind her. Blair swung her head around to see Serena's new artist boyfriend smiling at her.

"Heard?" She snapped, not in the mood to be polite.

"That our parents are engaged." Aaron nodded.

"Engaged! Who said anything about marriage!"

"They didn't tell you? Dad proposed last night."

"WHAT!"

Lily and Bart winced and appeared to eat more quickly..

Footsteps came hurrying down the hall and Eric emerged from the doorway.

"I heard shouting, Is everything okay?" Eric asked, eying the occupants of the room warily.

"Yes." Serena answered at the same time Blair shrieked;

"No!"

"Blair just got some surprising news." Serena assured them, putting her arm around her friend and muttering in her ear, "Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly, Grace Kelly!"

"Screw Grace Kelly!" Blair pushed her away, "She allowed her husband to take over her life! And my mother is susceptible to do the same if she gets remarried!"

"My father told me you were prone to overreacting." Aaron laughed.

Blair turned on him. "_Overreacting_?" She whispered, deathly quiet.

"Should I be concerned?" Bart murmured in his son's ear.

"For Blair? No," Chuck smirked, "Aaron on the other hand..."

"And that's my cue to leave." Eric practically ran out of the room.

"Yes overreacting." Aaron nodded. "I presume that is why they decided to ease into telling you about the engagement."

"Your father played me for a fool." Blair realized, "He tells me all about Vietnam and that lioness that he falls in love with, he gives me enough ammunition to use against him. Then he springs Cindy Lauper on me knowing that I'll feel guilty and tell my mother the truth! And now I find out he's proposing behind my back!"

"Waldorf I never thought I'd see the day but you really have lost your touch if you fell for that."

Blair stiffened upon hearing his voice. "Stay out of this Bass or I will-"

"You'll what?" Chuck smirked.

"Hey Blair at least you'll still have the house to yourself if they do get married Aaron has his own apartment remember." Serena supplied helpfully, glaring at Chuck.

"Actually..."

"No! No, no, no, no! I am an only child. I do not share my house with anyone."

"Put it this way Waldorf. At least now you have three Fathers. Although Eleanor might not want to leave Roman alone with this husband..." Chuck sniggered.

Chuck was extremely grateful that looks couldn't kill because he would be six feet under by now.

"Charles that was uncalled for." Bart reprimanded, and Lily gave him a reproachful look.

Blair's phone rang before she could reply. "What?" She snapped.

Chuck strained to hear the answer on the other end. "Hello to you too Blair."

"What do you want Nate?" She demanded.

"I was just calling to say sorry for missing your party last night."

"At least one of my exes bothered." Blair glared at Chuck who glared right back.

"And I was wondering if you'd heard anything about Jenny's meeting...?" Nate asked hopefully.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Eleanor's considering giving her a 10% stake in the company in return for ideas and craftsmanship."

"Is that good?" Nate asked.

Blair decided to tell the truth, "Truthfully I'd say Jenny could get another 3%, 5% even if Eleanor's in a good mood, which she usually is nowadays." She scowled.

"And if Jenny so happens to call around later will Eleanor still be in a good mood?"

"What exactly are you insinuating Archibald?"

"Blair I know you, and if you're planning something against Cyrus then I don't want my girlfriend caught in the middle of it." Nate said plainly.

"Tell Jenny she has until 3pm to get the papers signed. After that I make no promises." She snapped her phone shut. "What?" Everyone the room was looking at her.

Lily recovered first. "That...that was very nice of you Blair." She seemed shocked.

Blair looked affronted, "You sound surprised."

Everyone busied themselves with their plates and didn't reply. Aaron however didn't back down.

"Well you don't seem the type who would help another unless there was something in it for you." Aaron observed.

"Aaron!" Serena cried. "Blair he doesn't mean it." She said rather unconvincingly. "He does have a point though. What _are_ you getting out of it?"

"Nice to know whose side you're on S." Blair said, looking hurt.

"Oh my God Blair thank you! I was on my way to visit Eric when Nate text me." Jenny squealed, rushing into the room, dragging a very reluctant Eric in behind her. She was about to give Blair a hug before she pulled back. "You are helping me right? This isn't just another plot?"

"We really need to get a lock for that door." Bart murmured quietly in Lily's ear. Neither of them were able to tear their eyes away from the train wreck that was

"You know what?" tears pricked Blair's eyes, "Since I'm apparently so evil, the next time any of you have a problem I'm just going to act like my usual selfish self, and stay right out of it. Sort out your own problems for a change."

"Waldor-" Chuck tried but Blair turned on him.

"That includes you. I'm sick of people treating me like dirt." She said coldly before storming out of the room.

"You know when you said you'd clear your schedule I had no idea you'd canceled on Blair." Bart remarked, breaking the silence.

Chuck sighed, "Neither did I."

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"Miss Blair, it time to get up."

"Go away Dorota, I'm sleeping." Blair swatted the maid's hands away.

"You be sleeping for two days now Miss Blair. You get up and face the day. Remember it is your birthday today."

"Good, I can now officially move to Alaska. I hear it's nice this time of year." She buried her head under her covers.

"Miss Serena and Mister Nate call. They worried about you." Dorota frowned.

Blair let out a scathing laugh. "Since when? Did Serena kill another guy? Because if it's not Chuck then I'm not interested."

The maid glared at the bulky, blanket-covered-mass-of-self pity that had been her priority ever since she had first started working for Waldorf's all those years ago. It was at times like this she wished that she had listed to her papa when he told her that she should marry good man. Lord knows even the drunkard he had chosen would have been easier to handle...

"If you still mad you should go out and show friends what they are missing." She suggested evenly.

The blanket stirred a little and the maid smiled in satisfaction.

"Did Daddy call?" _Crap_.

"No Miss Blair, I sure he busy with work. He send present in mail." The maid winced as she saw the blanket drop back down.

"Mister Chuck visit earlier too." She said nonchalantly. This got a reaction. She sighed with relief as a flushed young woman emerged from underneath the comforter.

"What did he say?" Blair demanded. "Tell me everything!"

_At least she back to normal_. "He ask to talk to you, say you were not answering your phone. I tell him you sick and he give strange laugh and look at me as if I fool. He finally tell me to make sure you ready by 7:30pm and he would pick you up then. He also say to make sure you eaten." Much as she disapproved of that Bass boy's effect on her Miss Blair she could not deny that he at least cared.

"So he just thinks he can waltz in here and expect me to drop everything? For all he knows I could have plans. You know what, I'm not going to go." Blair crossed her arms across her chest to give her words emphasis but Dorota saw her sneak a nervous glance at the clock.

"Of course Miss Blair." She turned to leave. _3,2,1..._

"Dorota where are you going?" Blair snapped, jumping up and racing towards her closet. "I need to find an outfit fast." She started flicking through dresses. "What?" She asked when the maid shot her a look. "I'm not going to go! I'm just...I'm...A lady is ready for all scenarios!"

"Of course Miss Blair. Whatever you say" (Years of practice of not rolling her eyes really paid off at times like this).

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Chuck paced nervously as he waited in the elevator on his way up to the Waldorf penthouse. He would never admit it but he was worried; Blair had seemed genuinely upset when she had left the apartment. Sure she was acting like a spoilt brat, then again when didn't she, but it_ was_ a big deal for her.

When her Dad had left it was he who had picked up the pieces, Serena was off gallivanting around at boarding school (because _no-one_ could live away from home for a full year and not have _any_ fun. Really, the born again virgin act was getting old fast), Nate spent more time getting high and dreaming of barstools and blonds, and as for Eleanor... Better to leave that can of worms _closed_.

Now the elevator had come to a stop and he stepped out into the foyer. Any second now that scary foreign maid that Blair adored would come up behind him and give him _that_ look. The one that said; I-hate-you-for-corrupting-my-bosses-prissy-uptight-daughter-but-thank-you-for-taking-care-and-consequently-falling-in-love-with-said-bosses-daughter, all in one glare.

"Hehem." Yep, there it was. "Miss Blair instructed that you wait here."

"Why thank you Dorota, I'll be sure to tell her you passed on the message." He winked as he passed the haughty maid and continued up the stairs.

"Chuck!" Blair gasped when she saw him standing in her doorway a few minutes later. "I told Dorota to make sure you stayed downstairs."

Chuck, for one of the rare moments in his life, was rendered speechless. "You look..."

Blair smirked triumphantly and gave him a twirl. For the life of him he could not figure out how one girl could make a simple red dress, with a full necked collar he might add, look so unbelievably sexy. She had her hair perfectly curled and her trademark hairband in place with a red silk bow that matched the oversized one around her waist. She was almost the same height as him in her five inch Manolo's, and her lips were coated with the fire engine red lipstick that she knew he loved.

She was playing with fire and he knew that he stayed there any longer then he would most definitely get burned.

He cleared his throat, "The limo is waiting outside," He quickly left, not able to remain in the room that had both ruined, and quite possibly saved, his relationship with Blair.

As if she was following his train of thought she grabbed her purse and followed him out, barely pausing to say goodbye to Dorota on the way out.

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"Where are we going?" She asked quietly when the limo stopped at a traffic light.

He turned to her and smirked, "That's for me to know and you to find out."

Blair let out a laugh, "Really Chuck? Me to know and you to find out? What are we, five?"

His smirk turned into a glare. "Bitch."

She shrugged happily.

"Takes one to know one." They mimicked together, before laughing and unconsciously moved closer to one another.

"Sorry I missed your party." Chuck said quietly a few minutes later. "Bart and I went to a hockey game." He looked at her. "I completely forgot, otherwise I would have been there."

"It's okay. I know how important Bart is to you. I probably would have done the same thing for Daddy, had he bothered to show up." There was a slight tinge of bitterness in her tone that Chuck didn't fail to pick up on.

"Blair..."

"So how was the game?" She asked a little too brightly, "Did the Ravers win?"

"Rangers." He corrected, smiling at her. "They lost. Quite spectacularly actually, Father insists that we keep going back until they win."

"Sounds like the Rangers are in for a bad season." They smiled conspiratorially. This was what he missed most about him and Blair, the easy conversation and battle of wits. They understood each other better then anyone else, they _knew_ each other better then anybody else.

"I think we're here." He said as the limo slowed down. He stepped out before turning and helping Blair do the same.

"Chuck!" Blair exclaimed when she saw where they were. "You brought me to Victrola?"

"Waldorf just trust me." Chuck rolled his eyes and offered her his arm.

"SURPRISE!"

Blair looked around in shock at the hundreds of UES that were flooding the burlesque club.

"You didn't..."

"It's yours for the night. You can thank me later." He winked at her before allowing himself to be swept away by the crowd.

"B!" A flash of blond hair was all she saw before she was smothered. "I am so sorry!"

Blair just patted her best friend on the shoulder, her eyes were glued on the back of a certain UES playboy's head.

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When Blair got home late that night, blocking her ears from the giggles that were coming from her Mom and Cyrus' room (she wasn't even going to go _there_) She found a small box laying on her pillow. There was a note attached;

_B,_

_Sorry again for missing your party, I know you didn't have much fun at it so I decided,_

_ okay so Serena decided for me, to throw you a better one. Without the old cronies. Happy Birthday._

_-C_

_PS- I would say that I hope you liked my present but I have excellent taste so we both know you're going to love it._

Blair let out a laugh at his presumption before slowly opening the box and gazing at the small necklace and bracelet set it contained. Both items were pure silver with diamond butterflies set into every enclave. _Damn Basshole, he knew her far too well._


	3. Thanksgiving

**A/N- Don't own. **

**Spoilers- None  
Length- Much longer then it should have been lol.  
Names and Meanings- Not mine, taken from a site.  
Katy Perry Hot N' Cold- Not mine but made for C/B! Seriously, check it out.**

**So I finally got this done. The plot is basically the same except 2.11 isn't taken into account. The Van der Bass' are living in Serena's childhood home too, the one Lily redecorated in season 1. The Humphreys and Blair decided to break tradition and go to the VdB party. R&R. Don't hold back from telling me what you think either.  
**

"So...This is nice."

Seven pairs of eyes turned and glared at Serena who wilted.

"Sorry." Jenny repeated again.

"It's not your fault Jenny." Nate put his arm around her, ignoring the evil look that Dan sent him.

Chuck let out an incredulous laugh.

"What?" Nate snapped.

"We're locked in a closet on Thanksgiving, Nathaniel. How is it possibly not her fault?"

"Sorry!" Jenny wailed.

"No you know what, Nate's right." Vanessa nodded, "If anything it's Blair's."

"And how do you work that one out Punky Brewster?" Chuck said mockingly.

"Well if she hadn't purposely spilled her drink all over my dress, I wouldn't be in here right now." Vanessa glared.

"Sweetie I was doing you a favor. Trust me." Blair eyed the multi-colored monstrosity with disdain.

"No, you see to do that I'd have to be brain damaged."

"What's the problem then?" Blair replied innocently.

"Guys!" Serena sighed, "This isn't helping."

"I trust Blair." Jenny piped up.

"You do?" Six voices chorused.

"Uh huh," Jenny nodded. "You can always trust Blair to do the right thing. Well, the right thing for Blair at least."

"Funny Little J." Blair snapped. "Tell me again why I'm helping you?"

"Because even though you pretend otherwise, you actually like me." Jenny replied confidently, smiling at her former mentor.

"I wouldn't count on it." Blair snorted.

"Yeah neither would I." Nate muttered under his breath.

"You know what, this is just great. I'm stuck in a stuffy closet, surrounded by hundreds of dresses, and I can't stand three of the six other people in here." Dan sighed.

"I wouldn't worry," Blair remarked.

"Why? You found a way to get us out?" Dan asked hopefully.

"No, because four of the people in here can't stand you either."

Chuck smirked, "Not bad Waldorf, you really don't get enough credit for your wit."

"And you get too much credit for your--"

"Blair!" Serena cried.

Blair rolled her eyes. "I was going to say schemes."

"Sure you were."

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_**Three hours earlier-**_

"Say what you like about Lily but she really can throw a good dinner party." Blair remarked, looking around at the packed apartment.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult." Serena frowned.

"With Blair it's one and the same." Chuck smirked, coming up behind them.

"Bass." Blair greeted, biting back a smile.

"Waldorf, and to what do we owe the pleasure? You usually spend Thanksgiving with the family."

"Daddy and Roman couldn't make it, Dorota's visiting her sister and if I had stayed in that apartment with Mom and Cyrus I would have thrown up." Blair gagged. "They were rubbing noses."

"Aww, that's so sweet. In a creepy... older parent kind of way." Serena fawned.

"And that's why you get stuck with the loser, dead-end boyfriends." Blair informed her.

"I thought you liked Aaron?"

"No, my Mom and Cyrus think I like Aaron. There's a difference."

"Is there anyone you do actually like?" Serena asked amused.

"Carey Grant, but apparently he has a six month waiting list." Blair deadpanned, "You invited Rufus Humphrey?"

"What is Brooklyn Boy doing here?" Chuck demanded, his eyes going in the same direction as Blair's.

"And that troll Vanessa!"

"Guys be nice. Mom invited the Humphreys. Dan must have brought Vanessa as a guest." Serena shrugged, craning her neck across the room in search of Aaron.

"Because God forbid he should actually manage to get a date." Blair muttered, her glare fixated on the back of Vanessa's head.

Chuck met her eye and smirked, together they moved as one across the room with Blair only pausing to pick up a glass of champagne on their way.

"And besides, you don't even have to- Guys?" Serena spun around, "Oh no."

"Dan, Vanessa." Blair gave them both fake smiles. "So lovely to see you both."

"Nice to umm.... see you too Blair." Dan raised his eyebrows. "Chuck. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Cut the crap Humphrey. What are you doing here?" Chuck snapped.

"We were invited. Check the guest list." Vanessa cut in.

"Well consider yourselves vetoed." Blair said brightly.

"I don't think so." Vanessa said, "Come on Dan. Let's move somewhere where the air is less toxic."

"Attending a party so that you can spy on your ex-boyfriend reeks of desperation you know." Blair called after her.

Vanessa stopped and turned around. "And you would know all about desperation, wouldn't you Blair? You really haven't had much luck with boyfriends, maybe there's a reason."

Blair glared. Moving purposefully she strode forward until she was in Vanessa's face. "You're in my world now V. We play by my rules." With that she tipped her still full glass down Vanessa's front. "Oops."

"Blair seriously," Serena shook her head disapprovingly, having only just witnessed the last event. Turning to Vanessa she said; "I'm sure I have a dress that'll fit you."

"Thanks." Vanessa replied, giving Blair a dark look before following the blond and dragging a Dan along behind her.

"Waldorf what was she talking about?" Chuck asked quietly.

"It doesn't matter." Blair said furiously.

"Bla-"

She glared at him. "Enough. I have to get those two out of here. Are you in or not?"

"You have to ask?" He smirked.

"Hey Blair I saw Vanessa with Serena. Is she okay?" Nate asked, coming up behind them with Jenny on his arm.

"She won't be when I get through with her." Blair followed the direction they had taken with Chuck, Jenny and Nate on her heels.

"Where are we going again?" Nate asked.

"We, that is Blair and I, are going to de-louse the building of Brooklyn nobodies." Chuck said coldly, he looked Jenny over, "Present company included."

"She can stay." Blair interrupted. "I set up a meeting between her and my Mom's investors. They should be here in about an hour."

"Are they really going to want to interview me on Thanksgiving?" Jenny frowned.

Blair gave her a grudging smile. "Watch and learn Little J, most business deals in the UES are done on public holidays."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Think about it. If you were at a party where all or most of your would be colleagues were drinking, what would you do?"

"Well I would stay sober so that I would have the upper hand."

"Exactly. And if a fifteen year old Brooklyner can figure that out you can be sure that everyone at this party knows the same. Therefore nobody drinks and everyone thinks they have the upper hand, allowing them to think more confidently, therefore decreasing the risk of them turning down your proposal." Blair said briskly, as they approached the door to Serena's room.

"Shouldn't we knock first if Vanessa's getting changed?" Nate asked pointedly.

Blair ignored him and walked straight into the room and pushed open the door to Serena's walk in closet, completely ignoring Dan who was sitting on the bed.

"Blair what now?"

"What are you doing here?" Blair demanded of Vanessa.

"I told you. We were invited." She replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No, not at the party. Here, as in this house, this city, this _world_. Why are you here?"

"Blair what are you talking about?"

"You've said it yourself. You hate this world and everything about it. You came back here because you wanted to be with Dan. He wasn't interested. So why are you still here?" Blair asked.

"You know what Blair, I don't have to explain myself to you." Vanessa tried to walk past her but Chuck, Nate and Dan blocked her way. "Move."

"V." Nate tried.

"Don't. Just, don't." She shook her head.

"Guys come on. It's Thanksgiving." Jenny tried, letting the closet door close shut behind her. _Click._

"No Jenny don't! Tell me that wasn't what I think it was." Serena put her head in her hands.

"What?" Jenny asked.

"That door sticks. It automatically locks itself. Someone's coming to fix it next week." Serena slumped down on one of the closet walls.

"You mean we're stuck in here!" Blair cried. "No! I refuse to be locked in a closet with Humpty Dumpty and his little friend."

"Well it's nothing new for Serena. To be locked in a closet with Dan and his _little friend_ I mean." Chuck smirked.

"Eww!" Blair cried. "Must you be so vulgar?"

"Oh drop the innocent act B, those of us who know you don't buy it." Chuck replied.

"Does anyone have a phone?" Nate interrupted.

Everyone searched their pockets.

"Mines in my purse in the hall." Jenny shrugged.

"Jacket pocket." Nate and Dan replied in unison. They looked at each other uneasily.

"Dresser table." Serena sighed.

"At home." Vanessa supplied.

"Serena's room." Blair said.

"Well luckily for us I keep mine on me at all times. Blair can vouch for that." Chuck smirked when she glared

"Except that it's Thanksgiving. Everyone has their phone switched off." Dan sighed.

"Even Gossip Girl doesn't blog." Jenny said.

"Ring one of our phones." Serena suggested. "Someone could hear it and come looking.

Chuck pressed number three on speedial. Katy Perry's Hot N' Cold came blaring out from the next room.

"I'm number three!" Blair shrieked.

"Hot N' Cold?" He countered.

She flushed, "The lines 'PMS like a bitch reminded me of you'." She said nastily.

"...Aren't the next lines, 'I would know?'" Dan asked.

"Shut up Cedric." Blair ordered.

"When we want your opinion we'll whistle." Chuck nodded.

"Number three?" Blair repeated.

"Of course," Chuck looked unapologetic. "My PI is number two, and as for number one..." He smirked.

"I think we'll all be better off not knowing." Nate rolled his eyes.

CBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBC

_**Present-**_

"At least the closet is pretty big." Jenny said, leaning into Nate's chest.

"Yeah you know what, it is. So why don't you move south a little bit?" Dan suggested.

"Why is it so big? My kitchen is almost the same size as this one room." Vanessa changed the subject, trying her level best not to look over at Nate and Jenny.

"Because Mom knows me well." Serena laughed, "I'm a hoarder."

"Or a whore, either one is good." Chuck muttered under his breath causing Blair, who was sitting beside him, to giggle.

"I keep everything," Serena continued, ignoring them. "I think I even have old birthday cards in here somewhere." She looked around.

"Hang on, you say you keep everything..." Chuck said slowly, getting to his feet and looking around some of Serena's shelves.

"PBN Serena?" Blair asked hopefully.

Chuck looked at her and smirked, holding up a bottle of vodka.

"Wait where did you find that? And what does PBN mean?" Serena asked.

"Pre-Brooklyn-Nobody Serena." Blair clarified, expertly unscrewing the top and downing a mouthful. Everyone except Chuck looked at her in shock. "What? If I'm going to be spending the night in a closet with two of my ex-boyfriends, and the Brooklyn Bunch then I am not doing it sober." With that she took another gulp and held out the bottle for someone to take.

"Likewise." Dan sighed, taking the bottle.

CBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCB

_**One hour later-**_

"Ooh,ooh! I found my mom's old baby name book!" Serena giggled excitedly. "It even has meanings."

"Okay, so what does Nathaniel mean?" Nate asked, looking amusedly at the slightly drunk blond.

"Hold on- Ah ha! It means," Serena laughed. "God has given."

"Any chance we can return the gift?" Chuck asked slyly.

"Oh, and what does yours mean oh great one." Nate said sarcastically, grabbing the book out of Serena's hand.

"Umm, Charles means army or warrior." Nate nodded a few seconds later.

"Do me." Blair shrugged.

"Anytime." Chuck replied.

She hit him.

"Ow Waldorf."

"Oh my God you won't believe this." Nate chuckled.

"What?" Blair asked suspiciously.

"Blair, is from a Scottish surname meaning 'Battlefield'."

"Well that figures." Vanessa rolled her eyes.

"See! You two are meant to be together!" Serena clapped happily.

She received two unappreciative glares in response.

"What about Jenny. What does that mean?" Jenny asked.

"You mean Jennifer." Dan corrected, grinning at his little sister who huffed.

"Well it originates from Guinevere. It means 'white, fair'. Apparently Guinevere was King Arthur's beautiful wife." Nate smiled up at her before wincing as he read the rest. "And then she cheated on him with his best friend Sir Lancelot."

"Are you sure that wasn't Blair's?" Dan asked skeptically.

"Or Nate's." Blair countered, standing up and moving towards the door with a card in her hand.

"Well Vanessa is a form of butterfly, Daniel means 'God is my judge' -"

"So therefore he is free to judge everybody else." Chuck said.

"-And Serena means 'tranquil and serene'. Okay, not what I would have used to describe Serena Van der Woodson."

"Would anyone?" Chuck scoffed.

"Okay what is your problem!?" Nate turned on his former best-friend.

"My problem Archibald?"

"Yeah, you've been sitting there making snide comments all night. If you've got something to say then say it."

"I think it's better for everyone if I keep my opinions to myself." Chuck said levelly, though with a hint of malice.

"Ah ha!" Blair cried from the doorway. "I got the door open!"

"Yay!" Jenny said, getting up and hurrying out of the closet.

Vanessa and Dan followed.

"How did you manage to do that?" Serena asked.

Blair shrugged happily. "Turns out Platinum cards do have some use after they expire. I jimmied the lock." With that she pushed Serena out of the room and locked the door behind herself, shutting Chuck and Nate alone in the closet.

"Waldorf what the hell?" Chuck said angrily.

"You two need to sort out your issues." Blair replied, "Try not to kill each other before I get a chance to."

The sounds of banging and swearing at them to let them out faded as they re-entered the party.

"Blair, the investors?" Jenny asked hopefully.

"Follow me." Blair said distractedly while texting on her phone.

Chuck's phone bleeped a few seconds later as he and Nate sat in stony silence. He couldn't help but smile at the text.

**THE MAID WILL LET YOU OUT IN AN HOUR. U KNOW U'LL THANK ME LATER.**

**OH AND FYI, IF I'M NOT AT LEAST NO.2 ON UR SPEEDIAL BY 2MORRO UR DEAD.**

**HAPPY THANKSGIVING!**

**Xxx-B**

"Well..." Nate said awkwardly, "It seems the only way they're letting us out of here is if we talk so... What's up?"

Chuck shook his head and laughed. "Remind me again why we're fighting?"

"We're both idiots who are lucky to have someone like Blair to point out our many faults?" Nate grinned.

"Oh yes, however could I forget."


	4. Christmas Greetings From The Waldorfs

**Word Count- **3094  
**Spoilers- **None (that I know of!)  
**Disclaimer- **Don't own- Wish I did.

**A/N- **Sorry this one took so long! I was having a crisis of GG faith! I had this whole other chapter written up which included the funeral scene but then I got to thinking and I decided that I really wanted this fic to be fluffy and light. I don't really want the whole dampener of someone dying hanging over the story, I figure there'll be enough of that in the show so this is as of now death free. I hope you guys don't mind. Anyways, I have Harold and Roman in this one and a surprise for Blair. I added something from the books (I don't really read them but anyway) that I thought Blair would totally freak over.I'll try and have the next one up soon, I have a very funny idea for it lol.  
R+R!

*******  
**

"Daddy!" Blair shrieked, rushing into his awaiting arms. "And Roman." She gave him a fond smile as she hugged him.

"BlairBear," Harold smiled. "I can't believe you're eighteen already, I remember when we first brought you home from the hospital."

"As do I." Eleanor rolled her eyes, "Your father tripped in the carpark and broke his arm. Luckily I was holding you at the time."

"How... memorable. Where's Cyrus?" Blair asked innocently.

"He and Aaron are making last minute arrangements," Eleanor glared at her daughter.

"Oh? And who is this Cyrus?" Harold asked curiously.

"What? Mom didn't tell you?" Blair kept up her facade of wide eyed innocence. Much as she loved her father; he was far too gullible for his own good.

"Tell us what?" Roman was confused.

"Why that Mom had invited her new boyfriend and his son to live with us of course." Blair smiled dreamily, "Cyrus is so nice, did you know he actually hired Cyndi Lauper to play at my birthday party? And it was such fun setting up Aaron's darkroom. He's a photographer you know. In fact, I've actually posed for him a few times."

"Posed?" Harold asked worriedly.

"Oh don't worry Daddy, it was all very tasteful. Aaron's so sweet, he's like the brother I never had!" Blair gushed.

"Really? Well I look forward to hearing all about them." Harold looked at Eleanor reproachfully.

"Hearing all about them? Well why hear, when you can meet! They'll be joining us for dinner."

"Speaking of which," Eleanor interrupted before Blair could let loose any other nuggets of wisdom. "We should probably go and get ready. The Bass' and the Archibald's should be here soon."

"Bass'?" Blair, Harold and Roman all asked in unison.

"Yes, I invited them rather last minute. I thought Dorota told you." She said to her daughter.

"Well she didn't." Blair replied angrily. "Can I talk to Mom alone for a minute?" She asked Harold and Roman sweetly.

"Of course Blair, we will get settled in." Roman led a slightly anxious Harold away from the women.

"I know what you're doing." Eleanor hissed, the second that they had disappeared up the stairs.

"What I am doing is irrelevant. You invited the Bass'!"

"I thought you'd thank me." Eleanor said, genuinely confused. "If anything I thought you'd be mad at me for inviting Ann and Nathaniel. Serena's your best friend. And I thought you were fond of Eric and Charles."

"Chuck?" Blair asked quickly, her hands flying up to the small, diamond encrusted butterfly pendant that was hanging by her throat. "Who said anything about Chuck? Why would you think that? Who have you been talking to!?"

"Blair darling calm down. I haven't been talking to anyone. Should I be?" Eleanor asked, looking at Blair as if she had grown another head. "And where did you get that necklace, you've been wearing it everyday for the past week?"

"What? No I haven't." Blair immediately got defensive. "You must be mistaken. Oh look is that the time, I should go and get dressed." She practically ran up the stairs.

"Dorota?" Eleanor called.

"Yes Ms Eleanor." The maid stopped what she was doing and turned to her employer.

"Charles Bass; when I mentioned him Blair got all flustered. Is there something I should know?" She asked briskly.

Dorota looked at her with pity. "There is much you should know Ms Eleanor." With that she turned back to her work, leaving a very bewildered woman standing in the middle of the hallway, trying for the life of her to figure out when exactly she and her only daughter had become so estranged.

*********

"Tell me again why we are going to the Waldorf's for Christmas dinner? I thought it was to be strictly family this year." Eric said, as he stood in front of Lily for inspection.

"Well we were invited. It would have been impolite to turn down a direct invitation." Lily said, straightening his tie. "Bart darling a Windsor knot would suit that shirt much better." She remarked.

"Lily why are you being so fussy?" Bart asked, slightly annoyed. "It's just a dinner party."

"Yes but it's at the _Waldorf's_." She emphasized as if 'Waldorf' was some unattainable prestige. "The second you enter the Waldorf abode you are immediately judged."

"I thought you were friendly with Eleanor." Bart asked bemused.

"Oh I am. But that doesn't mean that she isn't the most judgmental woman to ever walk the earth." Lily smiled as she gave his tie one last tighten. "Everything has to be perfect."

"Yes because she has so much right to judge," Eric rolled his eyes. "Her husband ran off to France with a male model. She's living with an overenthusiastic lawyer who enjoys giving hugs, and her daughter isn't exactly the mo-"

"Eric." Chuck snapped, announcing his presence. "We should get going or we'll be late." He continued to the rest of the family.

"Going? I thought we were staying here?" Serena asked, coming up behind them.

"No dear, I thought I told you. We'll be joining the Waldorf's this year as you have thankfully neglected to offend the hostess' daughter this year." Lily reminded her.

Serena winced, "Thank you for bringing that up Mom. And no, you never told me. If you had I would've dressed more appropriately." She motioned to her fishnet tights, red blouse and yellow skirt.

"I wouldn't worry," Eric supplied helpfully, "Chuck already looks like the Easter Bunny. Why not add Halloween to the list."

Chuck and Serena glared at him.

"Let's go!" Lily said brightly.

*********

"Mrs Archibald." Blair smiled, "So lovely to see you."

"Blair, you look divine. I love that necklace." Anne gushed.

"Yes it is quite unusual. 18th century platinum style interwoven chains with a single 30 carat diamond pendent, limited edition. If I'm not mistaken. Looks like an early Christmas present from someone who has _excellent_ taste." Chuck drawled, coming up behind them.

"Bass." Blair greeted.

"Mom why don't we go over this way," Nate suggested uncomfortably as Blair and Chuck stared each other down.

"Blair Bear your Mother wants to know if you've seen the second tray of canapés. Oh hello Charles." Harold smiled.

"Mr Waldorf," Chuck replied with a smirk, "How's life in France."

"Wonderful, I don't know if you've seen France in the summer, but it is simply beautiful."

"No Daddy, Chuck never left the country this summer." Blair said bitingly. "He was too busy redecorating."

"And I've regretted it ever since." Chuck countered softly.

Harold looked between the two, "Am I missing something?"

Blair opened her mouth to reply but the ding of the elevator cut her off.

"Finally," She muttered under her breath before rushing off to greet her eagerly awaited guest of honor.

"Cyrus!" She squealed, throwing herself into his unsuspecting arms. "Play along and I won't freak when you and Mom announce your engagement at midnight on New Year's Eve." She hissed in his ear.

Cyrus took seconds deciding. "Blair!" He hugged back tightly before she pulled away.

"Not enough!" They laughed unanimously as they fell back into each others arms.

"I take it Harold is the elder of the two men that are glaring at me?" Cyrus whispered.

Blair chanced a glance towards her father and Chuck. Sure enough Harold was looking very upset and Chuck met her eye and winked. He had most likely known her plan from the start.

"Haro- I mean Daddy, come and meet Cyrus!" Blair cried happily.

*********

"She's quite the actress," Aaron murmured in Serena's ear.

"She's had plenty of practice. Believe me." Serena replied, "Oh look, Nate's over here, I can't wait for you to meet him!"

"And he's... Blair's ex-boyfriend?" Aaron asked. "The one you slept with while he and Blair were together?"

Serena winced, "You remember that and yet you forget to bring the pecans?"

Aaron smiled, "I told you, your past doesn't matter. It's who you are now that counts." He kissed. "Now am I forgiven for the pecans?"

Serena considered for a few seconds, "Nope." She decided.

"Oh really?" Aaron asked, kissing her again. "How about now?"

"Possibly," Serena giggled, "Maybe once more to be absolutely sure..."

"Oh yes," Aaron agreed nodding his head seriously, "Better safe then sorry."

Her giggles echoed through the room.

*********

"BlairBear could you please pass the salad?" Harold asked.

"Maybe she should take some for herself first." Eleanor interrupted looking meaningfully at her daughters dwindling plate.

Blair flushed and glared at her mother as she passed her father the bowl.

"Hey Blair what were you saying about Nelly Yuki?" Serena asked, diffusing the situation.

"Yuki, Yuki... Where have I heard that name before?" Lily frowned, trying to remember.

"I'm doing business with her father." Bart clarified. "I heard she's quite a bright girl. Hoping to attend Yale I think her father said."

"Well she can hope," Blair muttered.

"Wait, didn't she bomb her SATs?" Eric asked. "Something about a calculator...?"

"Eric! Shall we not!" Blair interrupted, before saying sickly sweetly- "It's rude to talk about someone when they're not here."

"Never stopped you before." Eric muttered.

"Calculator?" Serena asked accusingly, "Tell me you didn't."

"Why yes Serena, did I forget to tell you about that? I'm sorry, I must have thought you were too busy dying your hair red!" Blair hissed.

"Hey guys maybe we should change the subject-" Nate tried.

"Shut it Archibald!" They both ordered.

"Yes Nathaniel listen to the ladies," Chuck smirked, "Please continue." He told Blair and Serena graciously.

"You and I both know that that was not my fault."

"What? Whore-Gina force fed you the alcohol did she? And what are you wearing, while we're on the subject of whor-"

"Blair!" Eleanor cried, aghast.

"No, no. Let her speak. You're dressed rather conservative tonight Blair, what? The limo was busy?"

"Better a limo then a chair! Oh wait, I'm afraid I've got my dates wrong, wasn't last year snow?"

"And who were you doing this time last year B? Or do you forget?"

"Who do you think will win?" Eric asked Chuck quietly.

Chuck considered it for a few seconds during which Harold attempted to deter the girls.

"Umm, Roman and I have an announcement to make."

"At least I don't stab you in the back at every available opportunity! Or have you forgotten about Yale?"

"I'd say Blair," Chuck decided finally. "She has more blackmail material and the guts to use it."

"Like you're completely innocent! You're the one who brought up Pete!"

"Harold and I are having a baby!" Roman shouted.

That immediately shut them up.

"Wh- What?" Blair asked in shock.

"Dorota bring out a wet cloth." Eleanor said in shock, "I think he's delusional."

"That won't be necessary Dorota." Harold said, "Roman is right."

"You are aware that that's not possible? And somehow I don't think you qualify for immaculate conception." Blair said, still angry from her fight with Serena.

"Definitely Blair." Chuck repeated to Eric.

" Don't be silly Blair, we're not actually _having_ a baby. We're adopting twins. We found them in this little orphanage in the heart of Phnom Penh. Their names are Ping and Pong."

" Excuse me?" Blair asked her voice quiet. "You miss Thanksgiving for the second year in a row to visit an orphanage in _Thailand_?"

"Actually Phnom Penh is in Cambodia." Nate corrected.

"Do I _look _like I want a Geography lesson?" Blair glared at him.

"BlairBear you always said you wanted a little brother or sister." Harold reminded her. "You were so jealous that Serena had Eric."

"I was eight and I got over it when I saw how annoying they were!"

"Ouch." Eric winced.

*********

"Perhaps we should go- What in the world?" Bart suggested before a kick from Lily stopped him.

"Don't be silly dear, we can't leave in the middle of a dinner. It wouldn't be polite." Lily patted his arm distractedly.

"You're enjoying this." He accused.

"Is it wrong of me to want to witness someone else's family dramas instead of my own for a change? Now shut up and drink your wine. I think Eleanor might be on the verge of a breakdown."

Bart shook his head but obliged.

*********

"I have photos." Roman handed out photographs to the various occupants of the table.

Blair felt tears prick her eyes as she stared at the photo. The four people in the picture look extremely happy. Roman and Harold were laughing as they held the twins. They looked no older then three, the girl had her curly hair in pigtails and was playing with a teddy bear while perching on Harold's lap, as her brother tried to climb up onto Roman knee. Both of them were wearing oversized Yale sweatshirts.

"Congratulations." She spat eventually, "I hope you four are very happy together."

With that she turned on her heel and ran out of the room.

"Blair!" Harold called.

"What happened?" Aaron asked, having left the room to answer a phone call moments prior. "Blair just ran right past me and into the elevator. Is she alright?"

"Crap." Nate swore. He turned to Serena who now looked ashamed for fighting with her best friend on Christmas day. "Where would she have gone?"

"I don't know!" She wailed, "Blair doesn't usually run off like this. I go and she stays. It's always like that!"

Chuck typed a few things into his cellphone. "James saw her get into a taxi and head North on 74th street. Victrola." He said, getting to his feet. Nate and Eric followed suit.

"Who's Victrola?" Roman asked.

"Why would Blair possibly go to Victrola?" Bart asked confused.

"Trust me," Serena said grimly, "You don't want to know."

"I'm coming with you." Eleanor insisted as she followed the four teenagers out of the room.

"Me too." Harold nodded.

"Maybe that's not the best idea..." Nate trailed off when Eleanor fixed him with a glare.

"She won't want to see you." Chuck told her. "Especially not if she's drunk."

"BlairBear wouldn't do something like that." Harold said firmly.

Chuck scoffed, "If you think that then you really don't know Blair."

*********

"Get me another," Blair ordered the transvestite bartender.

"Sorry sweetie, Boss' orders. More then my jobs worth to serve you." The bartender was slightly amused.

"Damn that Mother Chucker!" Blair hissed, already well on her way to being drunk (she had demanded that the cab driver let her off at an off-license on the way).

"Well what if I get someone else to buy it for me?" Blair asked, smiling flirtatiously at a young man who was sitting across from her at the bar.

"Uh uh," The bartender shook his(her?) head, "Boss told me to physically restrain you if you even looked in a guys direction. He even gave me the keys to the office in case I had to lock you in."

"Can I at least go dance?" Blair pouted.

"If you can manage to dance while not leaving that stool, be my guest."

Blair narrowed her eyes.

"And no that was not a challenge." The bartender hastened to add. "I remember you from last time."

"That was fun," Blair remembered. "Chuck didn't believe I'd do it."

"Honey I still can't believe someone like you did it." He looked over her formal dress and pearls.

"What can I say," Blair giggled, "That stupid _Bass_tard brings out the worst in me. You know," She considered. "I might apply for a job here. My Dad has a brand new family and my Mom... well she never cared anyway. I don't even think she'd notice if I started working in a strip club. No offense."

"None taken," He smiled, "But you know, I'm sure it's not all as bad as that. Your friends must care about you."

"I called my best friend a whore less then an hour ago, revealed her sexual escapades, and threw her mistakes back in her face." He winced, "In front of our families, during Christmas dinner."

"Well my Boss seems to care a lot about you judging by the frantic phone call I got warning me not to let you out of my sight." The bartender's eyes twinkled.

"It's... complicated."

"I hate to break it to ya darling but everything is complicated when you're in High School." He nodded his head understandingly. "And as for your family not caring, look behind you."

"Mom? Daddy?" Blair asked.

"Yes, yes it's us. Now hurry before your father gets anymore ideas." Eleanor wrapped her arm around her while looking around at the transvestites.

"I'm sorry BlairBear," Harold tried, "I should have considered your feelings before springing something like this on you."

Blair looked at him, unwilling to forgive him that quickly. "Yeah, you should have."

"Myself and Roman have decided to stay in New York for another few weeks. Maybe you can show me some of your new favorite places?"

"I'll check my schedule." Blair asked, her smile betraying her aloofness. She met Serena's gaze. "Right now it's grovel time."

"You were rather harsh," Eleanor nodded approvingly.

"Oh I'm not going to grovel," Blair assured her. "Chuck and Serena are. Bass! Since when do I need a babysitter!"

"We have a lot of catching up to do." Harold sighed, putting his arm around his ex-wife.

"Are those- Are those half-dressed dancers on stage calling Blair's name?" Eleanor asked in confusion, "Blair darling where are you going? Blair!"


	5. Mind, Body and Soul part 1

**Disclaimer- Don't own anything!**

**Word Count- 3,000  
**

**A/N- Okay so I'm going away all this weekend with my family and it's my birthday Monday so I won't be able to type this for a while, and I just wanted to hurry and get this chapter written to tide you over. Also I have tests starting the week after next so by rights I should be studying... Yeah, not gonna happen lol. So sorry if this isn't updated for a while but when it is it will be the second part to this chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who read and reviewed! **

****************************************************************************************************  
**

"And then she goes," Nate laughed, with Chuck as they got changed after a soccer match. Nate had been the star player, while Chuck had leaned up against his teams goalpost with a cigarette in his hand, glowering at anybody on the opposite team who had dared approach the goals. Needless to say St. Judes had won the match by three goals to nil.

"I'm not a-"

Nate was cut off by the sounds of screeching coming from across the hall. A fellow teammate of theirs, Chad Collins, rushed into the room with a huge grin on his face.

"The pipes burst in the girls locker rooms while they were getting changed. The whole place is flooded." Chad looked like Christmas had come early.

"What's so great about that?" Nate asked.

"Dude, hot, sweaty girls getting changed when water pours down on top of them. They ran into the hall..." Chad said slowly. "Do I need to spell it out?"

All of the guys chuckled.

"You know as gentlemen we really should respect the girls privacy," Chuck drawled slowly as everyone looked subdued. "That being said... lead the way."

A few guys cheered as they filed out of the room.

"Wait," Nate realized as they hurried down the hall. "Don't Blair and Serena have PE this period?"

All he got was a smirk in response.

"She will kill you you know." He stated, shaking his head as they turned the corner.

"Then I'll die happy." Chuck said taking in all of the girls shrieking at the new female coach. As reported, most of them were drenched with water and were distraught, especially Blair's lackeys; Is and Penelope looked on the verge of tears, while Hazel, still on her quest to find a boyfriend, was taking full advantage of her audience.

"Enough!" An unmistakable voice called, parting the crowd and storming to the front to face everyone.

"Since using our own facilities is out of the question I'm sure the boys will be only too happy to oblige." Blair said stonily, pushing her now flat curls out of her eyes. "They will of course wait outside as we change."

There were a few sarcastic calls of 'sure we will' and 'why of course' from the boys side of the group. Blair silenced these with a glare.

"Ms. Daniels why don't you inform the Headmistress of this... unfortunate event?" The young teacher nodded gratefully and rushed off.

"Oh and Hazel," Blair turned to her with a withering glare "If you'd stop pimping yourself out for two seconds maybe you'd realize that your skirt is hiked up. Or was fugly desperate slut the look you were going for?" With that she turned on her heel and stalked in the direction of the boys locker rooms with Serena trailing dutifully behind her.

Chuck cleared his throat as they passed him and Nate. Blair paused and gave him a death glare. "Say it," She warned, her eyes glinting dangerously "And I will kill you."

He smirked even bigger, "I wasn't going to say a word."

*****

"Miss Waldorf for the last time, who initiated the fight!" Mrs Queller demanded.

Blair looked back at her calmly. "That would be me."

Chuck snorted, "And by that she means I started it." He clarified.

"Oh not again," Eleanor sighed.

"Why on earth don't you just punish them both?" Bart asked for the fourth time.

"As I said before, Mr Bass, I believe in equal opportunities and children taking responsibility for their own actions." Mrs Queller said sternly.

"Children?" Blair asked tensely.

"Don't," Serena shook her head warningly.

"Look we're not getting anywhere like this," Harold pointed out, "Would one of you just tell the truth. _Please_."

There was silence as Blair and Chuck met each others glares and challenged each other.

"Is it really necessary for myself and Nate to be here?" Anne Archibald asked.

"Mrs Archibald, I have two flooded locker rooms, a broken shower hose and thirty soaking wet students who all point the finger towards these four. So yes, it is necessary for you and Nathaniel to be present." Mrs Queller ground out.

"I have a hair appointment across town in... 30 minutes." Lily checked her watch, "Serena darling for the sake of my very impatient hairdresser Raul will you please tell us who started it."

Serena shrugged helplessly.

All of a sudden five phones beeped in unison. Blair's, Chuck's, Nate's, Serena's and surprisingly the phone on Mrs Queller's desk. They all checked opened the message.

**Gossip Girl here,**

**For those of you who haven't heard, Queen B, N, S and C participating in a very _physical _water fight along with most of the Senior body. Needless to say the vein on our beloved Mrs Queller's head almost imploded, and that's not all. Apparently our fabulous four's parents were called in, and with B's three Daddies all under the one roof that could be a recipe for disaster. Does Papa Waldorf really still believe his daughter's an innocent angel? Well, I'm sure Chuck Bass could certainly clear that up for him...**

**As of yet, no word on who actually started the fight, though B and C have both confessed. Sacrificing themselves for the other? Not likely. But are we really that surprised that B and C choose now to have one of their famous stand-offs, they always did have excellent timing... S and N pleading the fifth, one might think that they're doing so in a show of solidarity, or they're just plain scared. Can't say I blame them. B and C apart is scary enough, but when they join together on those rare occasions, even I consider leaving the country. Know anything? Send me the dets. **

**You know you love me,**

**XOXO Gossip Girl.**

Mrs Queller's lips pursed. "A game?" She demanded. "I want the truth and I want it now. I'm going to ask you one more time Ms Van der Woodson and Mr Archibald. Who started the fight?"

Serena sighed and looked at Nate.

"It was--"

"Sis," Chuck interrupted, "Did Blair mention that she bought those new very high _very_ pointy Gucci shoes that you saw this weekend? She was droning on about them all day."

Serena glared at him.

"And Nate did Chuck mention that one of the workers heard scurrying in the basement at Victrola? They're thinking of putting down arsenic." Blair nodded.

Eleanor choked on the sip of water she had just taken, while Bart looked at her in admiration.

Nate winced. He turned to headmistress Queller. "I have no idea who started the fight."

"Nate!" Serena cried.

"Sorry! But it's _Blair_. She can and will hurt me."

Blair patted his arm condescendingly.

"Wuss." Serena muttered.

"Enough!" Mrs Queller said tiredly. "It seems to me that the problems within you four lies much deeper then this incident."

"Well no shit sherlock," Chuck said sarcastically under his breath.

"It took you this long?" Blair added in a whisper.

Mrs Queller opened a drawer in her desk and took out some brochures, she handed them to the parents. "As you may or may not be aware, every year St Judes and Constance Billiards offer up the opportunity for our more devout Christian students to attend a spiritual retreat. The students get to cleanse their mind, body and soul in a safe, sacred place."

"I can think of a very sacred place to cleanse your mind, body and soul if you're interested." Chuck whispered in Blair's ear.

"You're heinous." She hissed back though with a smile on her face.

"I would like you to attend." Mrs Queller finished. "_All_ of you." She looked at the adults meaningfully.

"You can not be serious!" Eleanor exclaimed, "It's completely preposterous! We're not even Catholic."

"Eleanor's right, I think that this is going too far." Lily agreed, looking at her watch apprehensively.

"I'm afraid that you have no choice, I am well within my power to make this trip mandatory for every student and parent. As it is, I'm sure you'd rather your privacy."

"When is this trip?" Bart asked, unimpressed by the thinly veiled threat.

"We leave early tomorrow morning." Mrs Queller said firmly.

"Well I can't possibly arrange that. I have work." Bart announced.

"As do I." Eleanor nodded.

"I have a meeting with my lawyer that can't be postponed." Anne said.

"Myself and Roman will be happy to attend. Anything for Blair." Harold smiled worriedly.

Eleanor snorted, "What?" She asked when everyone turned to her. "Am I really the only one who's going to point out the obvious?" She pointed to Harold. "Gay," Anne, "Her husband is being convicted of fraud," Bart, "Former womanizer," She paused when she got to Lily, "Well, put it this way... I've been to more of her weddings then I have been fashion shows."

"Lovely," Anne murmured.

"As I said, this is non-negotiable. I shall see you at nine am sharp." With that Mrs Queller left the room.

"For the record." Blair stated, "It was all Chuck's fault."

"And how do you figure that one out Waldorf?" Chuck asked.

"Well if you hadn't-"

"Tomorrow is going to be a _long_ day." Serena sighed and Nate nodded in agreement.

*****

"Blair please tell me you're not serious." Nate said as he looked and the other occupants of the bus (apparantly they were actually volunteering to be there!) at the bottle of disinfectant in shock.

"If you think that I am setting foot on top of a flea invested bus for two hours without some kind of protection you are out of your mind." Blair told him calmly, while putting her rubber gloves on with a snap and spraying her seat.

"I still don't see how Anne got out of this." Eleanor grumbled as she perched on a seat next to Cyrus, (she refused to come without him)

"Lenny she had a very important meeting." Cyrus soothed, "Trust me, missing a hearing this late in the proceedings... Not good!"

"Roman I'm sure the priests won't judge us, and I'm absolutely positive they won't attempt to convert us. You're being melodramatic." Harold said consolingly.

"Of course they won't try to convert us," Roman agreed calming down.

"No, they'll just send you straight to hell. But hey, at least you'll be together. They might even let us perform a sacrificial ritual on Ping and Pong." Blair sniped.

Her father looked at her reapproachfully as he and Roman took the seats across from her and Chuck sat down beside her.

"Eh hem." Blair cleared her throat while glaring at him.

He gave her a look. "You know as well as I do that Nate frequently gets sick on long journeys and if you think I'm sitting next to Miss Never-Shuts-Up you have another thing coming. So unfortunately, you're the only option left."

"Nice to be appriecated." She snarled back.

*****

"Is it just me or are Blair and Chuck actually getting worse." Nate groaned an hour later as the aforementioned continued to bicker.

"It's not just you," Serena hit her head off the seat repeatedly as she attempted to turn her ipod up even louder.

"Are they always like this?" Eleanor asked in a hushed voice.

"YES!" Was the very loud reply that she got.

"Bart will you please put away the phone. You agreed no business." Lily reprimanded as she snatched the phone out of his hands.

"Lily I am in the middle of a very important business deal. By rights I should be in attendance. Businesses don't just stop because my son decides to act like a preschooler." Bart sighed.

"I hear ya buddy!" The man in front of them turned around and nodded in agreement. "My little Mathew insists on coming here every three months. It sure is a pickle trying to get time off work, I can tell ya. I really shouldn't complain though, after everything the Lord has done for me it's the least I can do."

Bart and Lily just nodded and smiled while looking altogether freaked out. Luckily Blair's shrieking spared them from having to reply.

"Did you just punch me!?" She stood up and demanded of the small freckly teenage boy with braces sitting in the seat behind her.

"Umm, we were playing Punch Buggy. Sorry?" He looked terrified.

Chuck started to snigger.

"Punch Buggy?" Her voice was deathly quiet.

"It's a game." A geeky looking girl informed her, crossing her arms across her chest. "If you see a punch buggy you shout out the color and punch someone on the shoulder. Maybe if you weren't so antisocial and snobbish you would have realized."

"Now, now Mary. Remember what Father Pablo said, we mustn't judge others. That is God's duty." Her mother, an older version of Mary, reminded her. "Perhaps the girl is just shy and ignorant of the games of others."

At this Chuck laughed even harder.

"Excuse me did you just call my daughter ignorant?" Eleanor demanded.

The woman made calming motions, "I'm sorry, it was not my intention to offend you or your daughter."

"Don't bother Mom," Mary glared at Blair. "That's 'Queen B', she doesn't care about anyone else's feeling so why should we care about hers."

"This is the girl you were telling me about?" The woman asked in shock. "But she looks so normal. Perhaps a little overly dressed and self-absorbed, but not the type of girl who'd do the all of the awful things you told me of."

"Appearances can be deceptive." Nate said.

"Self-absorbed?" Blair asked, "Overly dressed?"

"Yes I'd have to agree with that one," Chuck nodded, looking her over. "You'd look much better without the dress."

Blair whacked him with her one-of-a-kind Prada purse (that, coincidently, he bought for her).

"I will not stand here and allow you to insult my daughter like this." Eleanor was furious.

Blair slumped back into her seat, "Yeah," She muttered under her breath, "Only she can do that."

" We're here!" Roman called cheerfully from the front of the bus where he had moved earlier to _talk_ with the hot male driver.

"Any chance we can stay on the bus?" Serena asked, "It's bound to be safer. Hello? Anybody?"

*****

"We are gathered here today to cleanse ourselves, and to truly be one with the Lord. If any of you have recently done things you are not proud of, confess now and feel the Lord embrace you into his heart. Remember, we are God's children, each and every one of us. He alone has the power to condemn us, or to forgive us if we are truly repentant of our sins. Let us pray." Father Daniel led the congregation in kneeling down and praying.

At that exact moment Blair's phone vibrated in her pocket. She glanced around and noticed people sitting again so she did the same while surreptitiously checking her messages.

"BITCH!"

Every eye in the church turned to her. Eleanor, who was sitting next to her, groaned and put her head in her hands.

Blair flushed bright red and attempted to pass the blame onto the very shocked lady behind her, "Shh!" she insisted before turning back around and giving everyone her most innocent look.

"That'll fool them." Chuck muttered under his breath and winced when Blair dug her elbow into his stomach.

************************************************************************************************************

**NOTE- Just to clarify, the religious aspects in this chapter is not meant to offend anyone. This is meant for humor not to mock or degrade people's beliefs - I'm actually Catholic myself and have been to a retreat like this before making my confirmation, so trust me when I say it was nothing like this lol. **


	6. Mind, Body and Soul part 2

**A/N- Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.**

**Word Count- 3863**

**Note- Sorry for the wait but I am up to my eyes in exams that I have not studied for lol. No seriously, haven't opened a book O_o. Anyway this is a direct continuation of the last chapter and the same Catholic principals apply. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! It really means a lot.  
**

"We will now step forward one by one and confess our sins while talking together about what made us commit them in the first place. A kind of counseling session if you will. " Father Daniel and five other priests each stepped into separate rooms as nuns guided the students into lines.

"What did Gossip Girl say that was so bad?" Serena asked warily, taking Blair's phone out of her hand.

**SPOTTED: B, C, N and S attending 'The Goodness Retreat for Spiritual Wellbeing'. Their accessories of choice? Their parents. Can't wait to see how this one turns out. And is it true that there are 2/1 odds that B and C will have a secret rendezvous on the alter?**

"Oh," Serena winced, trying to suppress her giggles as she handed the phone to Nate, who was not as gracious about hiding his laughter.

"I have really got to start subscribing to that." Eleanor murmured.

"Way ahead of you," Lily agreed, discreetly handing her phone to Eleanor.

"Ah!"

"Mom?" Blair asked confusedly.

"Come." Eleanor ordered, grabbing Blair's arm as she pushed her way through the crowd to the front of the line for confession. "I want you to go in there and confess your sins, and don't you even think about holding back young lady!"

*****

"...so really if you think about it," Blair concluded hopefully, "Any sins I've committed haven't been my fault."

"Oh?" The priest sighed sceptically. "And these friends of yours? They are the ones to blame?"

"Of course. Serena slept with my then-boyfriend Nate and then disappeared for a year, making Nate think that he was in love with her and act weird. Then she comes back and Nate starts acting even weirder, causing me to get mad at him and sleep with his best friend – who, by the way, is a total _ass._"

"And did any of these _changes_ help you at all?" The priest asked.

"Well, I may have fallen for Chuck. A little. But that is not the point! The point is that all of my past indiscretions can be put down to Chuck, Nate and Serena. But, being the understanding, caring person that I am. I forgave them. Though the horse comment did take a while."

"You sound like you care a lot about your friends."

Blair saw an opening for revenge against Chuck. "I do." She suddenly put her head in her hands and started sobbing, "I just – I don't know what to do! It's Chuck, I think he's -"

**

"I mean I like Aaron." Serena said, "But what Dan and I had... I've never felt like that before. I loved so much. I still love him."

"Then what's stopping you?" Her priest asked abruptly.

Serena sighed, "I can't... I can't put my heart out there again. We broke each other too much last time."

**

"You say you like this Jenny girl?"

"Uh... yeah." Nate said after a few seconds. "I do. I really do. But I don't know if it's going to go any further. Look I spent all of my adolescent life dating one girl. I mean I loved Blair so much, but I wrecked it all with one stupid mistake that I never forgave myself for. I even started to resent her for making me feel like that, and when I found out she slept with Chuck, it made everything worse. I thought that I was mad at her when really I was mad at myself. And now that I've finally moved on, I just... I don't want to screw it up again."

"And will Jenny understand that?"

"I don't know. She wants us to go, you know, _further_. But I'm not sure. I mean aside from all the other stuff, she's still only fifteen. I don't want her to do something she'll regret. Especially if this isn't going to last. You know what I'm saying?"

"Er..."

**

"So you want to know my sins... Hmm, well – I'm _Chuck Bass_." Chuck smirked. "That's sin enough for anyone."

"And why do you say that?"

"I lost my virginity to a man-eating, selfish, money-grabbing hoe when I was twelve." Chuck said simply.

A knock at the door saved Fr. Daniel from replying.

"Sorry to interrupt but Fr. Matthew wants to talk to you. He said it was urgent." A demure young nun said, looking down.

Chuck got a strange feeling of Deja Vu. It was as if he had met her before, he shrugged and let the thought pass.

"Of course. Sister Georgina if you would please show Charles back to the hall. I'll only be a second." Fr Daniels left the room as Chuck and Sister Georgina snapped their heads up in realization.

"You!"

**

Blair came out of the confessional room looking very pleased with herself. She looked up to find herself facing a statue of Jesus. "What?" She snapped, as she felt the eyes bore into her head. She hesitated before sighing and stepping into a room where a priest was waiting. "Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been... _awhile_ since my left confession."

**

"What are you looking so happy about?" Cyrus asked suspiciously as Blair rejoined them in the hall.

"No reason." Blair smirked. "You haven't happened to see Chuck anywhere have you? I think Fr. Daniel wants to talk to him."

"Can't say I have."

**

"What are you doing here?" Georgina hissed.

"I could ask you the same question, _Sister Georgina_." Chuck replied.

Georgina huffed. "It's a condition of my parole from Penance. I have to serve another two months under Fr. Daniel before they let me go. And you?"

"Girls, locker-room, water fight." He said shortly.

"Is S here too?" She asked quickly.

Chuck gave a grudging nod. "And Nate and Blair."

Georgina's eyes flashed when he mentioned Blair. "When I get out Snow White isn't going to know what hit her."

"Don't even think about it Whore-gina." Chuck said dangerously.

She looked surprised, "Wait, am I hearing this right? Chuck Bass is telling me _not_ to cause trouble and strife?" She ran her fingers up his arm suggestively. "Besides, you owe me. Don't think that I don't know that you helped send me to that place. So, any chance your PI could help find us a hit-man?"

"Get your disgusting hands off me." Chuck flinched back "And don't say things like that."

"Jeez I was kidding. Since when are you so protective of Queen Bitch anyway? If I didn't know better I'd think that all those rumors about you two were true."

Chuck looked away.

"Oh my God." Georgina laughed mockingly. "It's true. You and Blair? She must be really good for you to keep going back for mor-"

Chuck grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "I'm not messing with you Georgie. Stay away from Blair." He hissed in her ear before stalking away from her.

*****

"We have a problem." Chuck whispered in Blair's ear.

"_You _will in a second." She smirked back.

"Georgina's here."

"What!"

"Hah hum." Fr. Daniel cleared his throat. "It appears that we have a lamb in need of savior among our flock. Charles Bass will you please step forward."

Chuck looked at the now panicked Blair in confusion.

"Charles has recently discovered that he has been having urges towards other young men and has asked the Lord above to guide him in this difficult time. Can we please have a round of applause for Charles!"

The hall erupted as Nate and Serena collapsed against each other almost in tears with laughter. Cyrus looked shocked, Lily was leaning against Bart's shoulder shaking with withheld laughter and even Bart had a smile on his face.

Roman and Harold were looking at Chuck with admiration.

"He's only eighteen." Eleanor hissed in Roman's ear when he continued staring for a bit too long.

Georgina came up behind them. "Wow Chuckles, I can honestly say that I never knew. You didn't seem gay when we were in the sixth grade."

The smile disappeared off everyone's face.

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf trust me when I say I will get you back for this." Chuck threatened as he was led away by three sympathetic nuns.

Blair just raised her eyebrows in a challenge, before turning and facing Georgina.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too B!" Georgina squealed, throwing her arms around Blair's neck and giving her a fake smile. "It's been way too long! I've missed you!"

"Georgina." Serena said warningly.

"What?" She asked innocently. "You don't want to play either? God I drop one gay bomb and all of a sudden I'm America's most wanted."

"How did you get out of Penance?" Blair demanded. "I triple checked everything, Houdini himself couldn't have found an escape clause."

"Well it's actually quite a funny story, you see I stuck to the program and got better. I'm truly a reformed character. And it's all because of God. Well, him and the meds."

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that again." Serena shook her head and backed away.

"Really S, I'm a better person now. I want to make up for all the things I've done wrong."

"And you impersonating a crow is going to help?" Blair laughed, taking in her black, ankle length gown and her black veil.

Georgina sighed. "I can see that I'm going to have to be the bigger person here Blair."

"It wouldn't be hard, Blair's all of what? Four feet?" Nate teased, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Five foot four actually," Blair snapped, "And keep out of this Archibald."

Nate promptly shut his mouth.

"Well it looks like some things never change, Blair says jump and poor little Natie asks how high." Georgina said sugary, sweetly.

"You know G, by eighteen I would have thought that you would've grown out of trying to be me. Guess not."

"You mean a selfish, stuck-up, snobbish, cow who's boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend? Oh, yeah. Being you is my lifelong dream." Georgina rolled her eyes as Nate flushed and all of the adults gasped, Harold fixed Nate with an unusually angry glare.

"Better that then a lying, cheating, druggie who everybody wishes would curl up and die." Chuck shot back, coming to stand beside Blair.

"Aw Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about yourself." Georgina put her hand over her heart in mock sympathy. "Don't worry, I'm sure your little unrequited crush on Nate will go away. Someday."

Harold and Bart restrained Chuck from killing her.

"Georgie will you please just go and find some other people to pester." Serena said tiredly.

"But S, where's the fun in that? So how's Dan? I heard you broke up. I'm so sorry.

"Save it for someone who cares." Serena said coldly, before crossing her arms across her chest and following the other attendants outside to where the priests were sending them off on a trail. Blair stomped after her with Chuck and Nate in tow.

"Well that went well." Georgina smiled at the still shocked parents.

*****

"If that bitch puts one foot out of line I swear it will be the last thing she ever does." Blair muttered to Chuck while glaring at the back of said bitch's head and stumbling precociously on the very narrow dirt trail in her five inch heels.

"I don't know," Chuck said thoughtfully, "It might be interesting to see how she deals with threats when she's not high. And while we're on the subject of sluts, some of these nuns aren't half bad. That dress leaves a _lot_ to the imagination..."

Blair stopped and glared at him with a steely glint in her eyes. She looked around quickly before grabbing onto his scarf and pulling until his face was less then an inch away from hers.

"What the hell!?"

"Okay Bass you listen and you listen good." Blair hissed furiously. "I agreed to waiting. Me, Blair Waldorf, the most_ impatient_ person in Manhattan agreed to wait. And you know what? I've been pretty patient so far, but when I see you blatantly checking out slutty cheerleaders and hitting on pre-pubescent freshmen it makes me angry. And you of all people know not to get me angry. So you either decide if you want _us_ soon, or else guys are going to be seeing a lot more of me." With that she let him go and joined Serena further up the path, leaving a speechless Chuck Bass to massage his neck.

"Dude I think you just got beaten up by a girl." Nate chortled.

Chuck glared. "Mr Waldorf." He called loudly, "Nate's over here if you want to talk to him."

*****

"You okay," Blair asked Serena quietly.

"I... I think so. It's just seeing her again, it brings back memories you know. Dan and I were so happy, and then she came back, and I felt so guilty.... I dunno B, I feel so bad."

"Hey," Blair pulled her best friend into a hug. "It's okay, none of this is your fault. You were trying to protect Humphrey, God knows why."

"B," Serena frowned reproachfully. "You promised to try and be civil to Dan."

"I lied." Blair shrugged unabashed. "Now are you going to help me scheme or do I have threaten that Basshole?"

Serena let out an involuntary laugh. "I will never understand you two."

"Join the club." Blair muttered under her breath. "Now about G, I was thinking..."

*****

"I have never seen such an abomination in my life!" Fr Daniel thundered. "It's sacrilege! Living under God's roof, breaking fast at His own table, serving at His alter!"

Blair looked down at her feet and tried to withhold her smirk. Out of the corners of her eye she saw Nate, Chuck, and Serena struggling to do the same. Bart, Lily, Eleanor, Cyrus, Harold and Roman on the other hand, looked downright mortified. Georgina was too busy pouring tears of fury to notice anyone else.

"Our Saviour Jesus Christ gave up his life for the sins of others and this is how we repay him? By taking his name in vain," He glared at them one by one. "Breaking every one of the ten commandments,"

"Hang on!" Blair interrupted before considering it. "Actually no, you're right. Please continue."

"Stealing, lying, cheating, smoking forbidden substances, drinking." Fr Daniels shook his head furiously. "I never thought that I would ever have to do this in this day and age, but as of now you ten can consider yourselves excommunicated from this church for the foreseeable future. Miss Sparks you will go back to Penance, someone will come and collect you shortly."

Georgina let out a wail of anger.

"As for the rest of you, I would appreciate it if you vacated the premises as soon as possible. The bus will be leaving shortly."

"What on earth just happened here?" Eleanor asked angrily the second that Fr Daniel had left the room.

"I'll tell you what happened," Georgina spat. "Your precious little daughter and her friends set me up."

"Hey, the drugs were there in the first place, we just brought them to the priests attention." Serena defended.

"And how may I ask did you get caught with them in your hands?" Bart demanded.

"Nathaniel had to sneeze and Serena can't lie to save her life." Chuck replied bitterly, he turned to Blair. "From now on we work alone, those two are a liability."

"Agreed."

*****

"Where did Lily say to meet them again?" Blair asked Chuck a few minutes later.

"She said right here." Chuck told her, "Bart called the limo hours ago. It should be here."

"Hey you da kids who got kicked ou?" The bus driver asked. "Yer Da said ta tell you yer ridin' wit' me. They left already or sumfin."

"What!" Blair shrieked, she turned to Chuck. "No way, I refuse to step foot on that thing ever again. Hang on I have to get this," She huffed as she answered her phone. "Hello? Kati this is not a good time. I don't care if you're in Milan, hang on, what shop is having 10% discount day?"

Chuck's face lit up with a wicked grin and he grabbed the phone out of Blair's hands. gKati, where exactly are you? Via Montenapoleone? Feel like some company? Great, see you outside the Plaza in a few hours.h He hung up and offered Blair his arm. gUp for a trip to Italy? I promise I'll show up this time.h

Blair hesitated before smiling. "Fine. But I have to call Dorota. She'll be worried sick."

"What about Eleanor and Harold?" Chuck asked.

"They abandoned me at a Spiritual Retreat with the biggest pervert in the UES. I think they deserve to sweat a little."

"I don't know whether to be offended or amused." Chuck observed.

"Shutup and call the private jet. I have some serious shopping to do."

*****

"What do you mean they can't do anything!" Eleanor shrieked. "They're the police! It's their job to find people!"

"Eleanor Blair and Charles are both legal adults, they are considered by many to be a couple, and they have only been missing for just over twenty four hours. There's not much that they can do." Bart sighed.

"You're Bart Bass! Aren't half of the police force corrupted by you anyway?"

"What exactly are you insinuating Eleanor?" Lily asked indignantly as Bart answered;

"Usually, but this isn't exactly the first time Charles has gone missing."

"Well it's the first time he's dragged my daughter along with him." Eleanor snapped.

"Remind me to kill Chuck." Serena hissed to Nate as she paced the room.

The ding of the elevator cut off Nate's reply.

"Ciao!" Blair's voice called, and they both appeared in the room. Chuck was carrying what looked like over double his weight in clothes while Blair carried one tiny, bejeweled, pink pet case with a white ball of fluff inside it. Chuck had red scratches up his face and was glaring at the ball of fluff.

"Blair!"

"Chuck!"

"Thank God you're okay!"

"Where on earth have you been young lady!?"

"Charles if you must involve Blair in your escapades do you think you could at least call first?"

"Still opposed to staying that extra day?" Chuck asked Blair dryly.

She rolled her eyes and called for Dorota. "Fetch Kitty Minky a bowl of cream." She ordered, taking the white kitten out of the cage. It hissed upon seeing Chuck before curling into Blair's arms and purring.

"What is _that_?" Eleanor asked disgustedly.

"That is a twenty five pound of pure, unadulterated, evil." Chuck recoiled before glaring at Blair. "She picked it up off a street vendor in Milan."

"And you named it what?" Nate sniggered.

"Kitty Minky." Blair answered.

"Diablo." Chuck cut across her.

"It's Kitty Minky." Blair insisted. "Chuck be quiet."

"When you sneak out of the hotel at 2:00am at night to bribe the concierge into buying you a cat, using my credit card I might add, I think that gives me the right to name it." Chuck retorted.

Blair raised the cat and pressed it in front of Chuck's face. "Sick him Diablo. Don't hold back!"

"Blair are you drunk?" Harold gasped.

"No." Blair denied. "I haven't touched a drop. Ask Kati, we were shopping all night."

"And where may I ask were you Charles?" Lily asked.

"Stopping Blair and Kati from being mugged or raped?" Chuck smirked.

"You're heinous."

"And you are a bitch."

"And I think I speak for everyone when I say that you are both grounded." Eleanor said firmly.

Chuck scoffed while Blair looked affronted. "Excuse me?"

"Well don't think you're getting away with flying across the continent to Milan for the day without telling anybody!"

"We were worried sick BlairBear." Harold said softly.

"Technically I did tell Dorota."

"What? Dorota!" Eleanor screeched.

"Yes Ms. Eleanor?" Dorota asked meekly.

"Did you or did you not receive a call from Blair telling you that she would be flying to Milan with a boy."

Dorota winced and didn't reply.

"Who do you work for?" Eleanor demanded.

The phone rang. "I get that!" Dorota said quickly.

"No Kitty Minky you do not do your business on the Italian leather chaise. Kitty Min- Diablo don't you dare!" Blair shrieked.

"Anybody else thinking a white animal fur rug would go very well in front of the fireplace right now?" Chuck smirked, "No?"


	7. Family Reunions Part 1

**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**Word Count: Just over 4000**

**A/N: First off - MERRY _(BELATED)_ CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Sorry, had to get that off my chest lol. Back on track now anyways, new chapter and some more new family! Also Blair's penthouse is out of action for a while! Not much humor or plot in this one but I'm really just setting up for the next few. This is, once again, a twoparter, simply because it was getting too long. Tiny bit of B/C fluff in this, again, leading up to more in the next few.**

**R+R! And thanks so much to everyone who time out to review these chapters and even to read them. It really means so much to me and I really appreciate it.**

*******  
**

"Cyrus you have not met the woman, she is a monster!" Eleanor cried.

"You just said that she reminded you of Blair." Cyrus folded his arms across his chest.

"Exactly!" Eleanor sighed, "I didn't mean that, but I've only just gotten rid of my ex-husband and his _male lover_, I don't think that I have the strength to handle my mother right now."

"Grandma's coming?" Blair asked excitedly, "I thought she was on a cruise?"

"Oh great." Eleanor muttered, "Yes, fine, you were bound to find out anyway, God knows that maid can't keep a secret, your Grandmother is coming to town for the annual _Winter_ _Wonderland _themed get together."

"Great, I can't wait to see her."

"And why doesn't that surprise me." Eleanor nodded wryly, "No that's not why she's here, she's here to grill me about the wedding and the fact that Celia Rhodes is flying in tomorrow morning certainly didn't deter her. Now if you'll excuse me, I have Godzilla to prepare for."

"Grandma and Cece don't get on," Blair explained to Cyrus after Eleanor had left to go and shout at Dorota. "Think Love/Hate only wipe out the love and double the hate."

"I see." Cyrus smiled, "Well I should probably go and save poor Dorota,"

Blair rolled her eyes and took out her cell phone.

*****

"Serena I really don't see what the big deal is, I thought you had forgiven Cece for trying to come between you and Dan. You were fine with her this summer." Lily reminded her.

"I am, but you can't honestly say you're happy about this visit either." Serena sighed.

Lily didn't say anything and Bart gave a nod of agreement.

"At least she doesn't consider you the spawn of Saten." Chuck told her cheerfully.

"Are you sure about that?" Lily muttered under her breath.

"Guess what," Eric said, dropping into the chair next to Chuck and grabbing a grape of the platter. "Blair just called, she's coming over and apparently Lia's coming to visit."

"As in her Grandmother Lia?" Serena asked, "Oh my God B must be so excited!"

Lily let out a sigh of exasperation and turn to her husband, "I tell them that my mother is coming to visit and they run for cover, Blair's grandmother flies into town and they throw a parade!"

"What time did Blair say she was getting in?" Chuck asked interestedly.

"Around eightish tomorrow morning. And Blair also told me to tell you to give her at least an hour alone with Lia before arriving and stealing her away, whatever that means."

Chuck smirked reminiscently, "I take it she remembers Florida?"

"Florida?" Lily frowned.

"Chuck spent a summer there with Blair and her Grandmother before sophomore year," Bart explained, "Cornelia was very fond of him."

"So fond in fact that she spent the entire vacation trying to set us up," Blair smirked from the doorway with her girl posse behind her "She never did like Nate..."

"It shows she has good taste, and besides, you had _Pierre_ to occupy you." Chuck retorted.

"Pierre? Ooh, sounds scandalous." Hazel and Iz giggled.

"Ew! Gross." Blair made a face, "Pierre was this forty-something year old, crooner who had a crush on me, and it didn't help that he made Cyrus look like Orlando Bloom in comparison. And besides, I didn't hear Romeo laughing when Juliet the eighty year old spinster gave him the key to her room and offered to-"

"Yes thank you Blair, I think we get the picture" Serena interrupted quickly.

"Wait..." Kati asked, "Who's Romeo?"

"She was talking about Chuck, stupid." Iz replied. "Remember he sleeps with all of those girls."

"I thought that was Casanova?" Hazel frowned.

"Yes bu-"

"Girls!" Blair snapped, before plastering a fake smile on her face. "Why don't we reconvene in Serena's room and leave Mr and Mrs Bass in peace. You're more then welcome to join us E," She called back over her shoulder.

"What? I don't get an invitation?" Chuck asked the remaining girls.

"Sorry," Penelope smirked, "Ex-s are off limits,"

"Since when does that stop you?" Iz asked.

"Since she's still trying to get B to break Nate and Jenny up," Hazel reminded her as their giggles faded into the hallway.

"You know I might actually join them-" Eric tried but a glare from his step-brother cut him off. "Or I won't."

"Nate will be here soon, you can join us."

"Yay."

"Girls, I am going to get going," Blair decided later that night.

"What? B I thought you were sleeping over," Serena pouted.

"I was, but Cyrus and my Mom went to that spa for the night before they pick Lia up at the airport, and Dorota's at her sisters again so I have the house to myself." Blair shrugged.

"To yourself huh? Sure there's not a boy?" Penelope asked.

Blair smiled mysteriously and didn't reply.

"Goodnight Blair," Serena rolled her eyes at her best friend.

Blair just laughed and winked at her before leaving the room and bidding goodnight to Lily and Bart.

*****

Less then an hour later saw Blair tucked up in bed, _alone, _with the Godiva gold collection at one side, Audrey playing on her flatscreen, and a glass of her favorite Dom Pérignon in her hand. She let out a contented sigh as she popped a truffle into her mouth and relaxed against the comforter.

A loud creak disrupted her relaxation. She looked around quickly before passing it off as Diablo messing about downstairs.

"Diablo come here," She called, grudgingly getting out of bed and walking to her doorway. "Diabl- Aah!" She screeched as the house gave out an almighty groan and water came pouring out from the roof overhead her bathroom. She slowly walked in the direction of the bathroom, screaming as even more of the roof collapsed, this time on top of her wardrobe.

Blair immediately grabbed her cellphone and called 911. "Hi, my name Blair Waldorf and the roof- the roof of my apartment of my apartment is collapsing!" She quickly gave them the address and listened as they told her to leave the house immediately and not to stop for anything. Nodding Blair hung up the phone and grabbed her dressing gown and her jewelery box that she always kept next to her bed, slipped on the red glittery Manolo's that she had discarded earlier that evening, and ran downstairs and scooped Diablo up from where she was sleeping comfortably on the sofa and got into the elevator as quickly as possible, once inside she took a deep breath and dialed her Mom's number, predictably it went to voicemail she sighed and left a message.

She was about to dial Serena's number when she remembered that the girls were sleeping over and she really didn't want to face them, she let out another sigh before getting out of the elevator and sneering at the night watchman who was fast asleep at his station. Debating internally about the need to stay and wait for the fire brigade or the police or whoever was coming, she decided negatively and shook the watchman awake none too gently. She told him the least possible details and instructed him to tell the services that she would be staying at a friends house. He gave a vague nod before turning over and going back to sleep again.

She glared at him before taking out her phone and dialing a number, she hesitated for a minute before pressing send.

"Blair?" Chuck's sleepy voice called. "It's gone two a.m., what can you possibly want at this hour?"

"I need your help," She said, trying her hardest not to let what she was feeling show in her voice.

"I knew you couldn't resist me, but why call? If you wanted me you know I'm right down the hall."

"Ew Chuck!" She forced a disgusted tone. "I- I'm not at Serena's, I went home early. Now will you please come and pick me up?" She heard the tremor in her voice and winced.

"Why?" His tone was softer now, more urgent, "What happened, where are you?"

"I'm at home, well the lobby at home, there's something up with the roof of the penthouse. Water kept pouring down, and it started to collapse. Serena's busy with the girls, my mom's not answering her cell, and I just- I didn't know who else to call." She furiously wiped tears from her eyes.

"Don't move, I'll be there in ten." He said quickly and hung up.

Blair looked around, glaring at the doorman who was ogling her in her slip and tied her dressing gown even tighter around her waist while attempting to hold both Diablo and her jewelery box securely.

"Diablo if you don't stop squirming I swear I will give you to Chuck to eat." She hissed angrily. When a limo pulled up in front of the glass Blair sighed with relief and hurried over to a very disheveled looking Chuck.

"Waldorf care to explain?" He asked testily, eying her outfit and the items she was holding before allowing her to slide into the limo in front of him. "Home." He instructed the driver.

"No! Take me to the Palace, I am not facing the girls like this." Blair leaned her head back against the seat with a thump.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what is with the choice of apparel?" Chuck asked finally.

"When the roof collapsed the water hit my closet- Yes, yes laugh it up," She scowled as he sniggered. "I'm lucky I keep my dressing gown next to my vanity, not to mention my jewelery box."

"Just one question," Chuck eyed the cat that he was now holding at arms length. "Did you really have to save the cat? I mean really Waldorf..."

Blair took one look at him before bursting out laughing despite herself. "Ugh why do these things always happen to me!? I'm telling you I'm jinxed."

"You are heiress to a billion dollar fortune, you are Queen of Constance Billiards and St Jude's, you have hundreds of guys fawning over you on any given day, not to mention the fact that you're drop dead gorgeous, and you have the luxury of being in Chuck Bass' presence." He reminded her, "I highly doubt that you're jinxed."

"Stop trying to charm me Bass," She groaned. "I've been up since five this morning seeing Daddy and Roman off to the airport." She leaned her head against his shoulder and reached over to pet her very disgruntled cat.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked.

"I'm so tired that it just might work." She gave him a wicked smirk that would rival his as he shook his head and smiled down at her.

*****

"I take it I'm sleeping on the couch," Chuck sighed as he saw Blair sprawled out across his bed in suite 1812.

"Do whatever you want Bass," She yawned. "Of course if you had gotten me my own room we wouldn't have this problem..."

"I tried Waldorf, but you heard what Dexter said; all the rooms are full."

"Your father owns the hotel Bass," She reminded him.

"Hence the reason that my suite was available. Now shove over."

"No way!" She sat up on the bed. "I only just got the maid to change the sheets five minutes ago, I don't want you contaminating them again."

"Your stupid cat is currently occupying the sofa and I wouldn't out it past him to smother me in my sleep." He took out his phone and dialed a number.

"What are you doing now?"

"Calling Bart,"

"Since when did Chuck Bass start to care about checking in?" She scoffed.

"Since my father started caring where I was," He told her shortly.

"Well hurry up and make the call then. I want to go to sleep." She rolled over on her side.

"What? Does this mean we aren't going to paint each others nails and chat about the boys we like?" He smirked mockingly.

"You're heinous," She wrinkled her nose but couldn't stop the corners of her mouth from rising into a smile. "'Night Bass."

"Goodnight Waldorf."

*****

"Morning," Lily patted Eric on the head and waved at Nate as she grabbed a coffee cup and poured a large amount into a cup and drank it black.

"Long night?" Eric raised an eyebrow.

"Like you wouldn't believe, honestly, how can teenage girls possibly make that much noise?" She sighed.

Nate and Eric both chuckled as Brigitta, the foreign maid, came in and told them that Eleanor Waldorf was in the lobby.

"What could Eleanor possibly want at this hour?" Lily wondered, "Show her into the living room," She instructed.

"Lily!" Eleanor cried, "We just heard, is Blair okay?"

"I'm sorry... What?" Lily asked in confusion, "Eleanor, as far as I know Blair left to go home last night just after twelve o' clock. Eric do me a favor and call Serena."

"We got a call from Blair last night, apparently the roof in the penthouse sprung a leak and did some damage? We don't know for sure yet, Lenny wanted to stop by here and check on Blair before going home."

"Mom Blair's not here," Serena said from the doorway, her face was pale. "I haven't heard from her since she left last night."

"Neither have we," Kati and Iz chorused, as all of the girls shook their heads.

"Gossip Girl is a no go," Eric added, snapping his phone shut.

"What's going on?" Bart asked, "Hello Cornelia," He nodded to Blair's Grandmother. "Are Blair and Chuck here already?"

"Blair's with Chuck?" Several people asked.

"See Eleanor I told you she would be fine, crisis averted." Cornelia smiled.

"Why would Blair call _Chuck_?" Serena frowned. "Stupid question." She answered herself.

"Hey Blair and Chuck are friends remember? They always have been." Nate reminded her.

"Actually I think they prefer mutual acquaintances." Eric smirked.

"Oh please, acquaintances went out the window the second she slept with him in a moving vehicle." Penelope muttered under her breath causing the girls to titter.

"Either way I'm sure they're both perfectly fine, now, where can one get a drink around here?" Lia clapped her hands together. "Scotch, if you have it." She instructed Brigitta.

"Mother!" Eleanor reproached, completely aghast.

_"Go to hell Basshole!"_

"I hear my Granddaughter's dulcet tones already." Lia smiled happily.

_"When I'm with you I'm already there!"_

Both paused when they saw their audience.

"Blair darling thank Goodness you're alright," Eleanor rushed forward and wrapped her arms around her. "What on earth are you wearing?"

"You should have seen what she was wearing last night," Chuck smirked and winced when she stood on his toe.

"Oh I've missed you two," Lia reminisced.

"Lia, always a pleasure." Chuck said charmingly, kissing her hand.

"Ugh," Blair scowled, pushing him out of the way and hugging her Grandmother, "Hi Grandma."

"Blair darling you look divine!" Lia gushed, "Interesting choice of day-wear. Are you going to a party?"

Chuck sniggered and Blair glared at him, while inspecting the glittery cocktail dress that she was wearing. "When the roof collapsed the water hit my closet,"

All of Blair's followers gasped and covered their hands with their mouths.

"This was the only dress I had in Chuck's suite, I must of changed out of it after a party some time." Blair continued, studiously ignoring Chuck's smirk and raised eyebrows.

Eleanor nodded in understanding and turned to Bart and Lily, "I am very sorry for imposing like this, we'll be on our way. Cyrus!" She called sharply, distracting him from his conversation with Nate and Eric.

"Well where are you going to stay while the roof is being fixed?" Lily asked with concern. "We would offer to have you here but what with my mother coming to visit and Nate staying here while his Mom's away we simply haven't the room."

"Yes well," Eleanor added quietly, "With my mother here as well I don't think that's the best idea, let's not add fuel to the fire, so to speak. No we'll be perfectly fine in a hotel, it will be like a holiday – of sorts."

"Well I'm sure I could fix something up at the Palace for you," Bart offered. "I think Lily's old suite is available."

"Thank you," Eleanor smiled gratefully, "That would be wonderful."

"Dexter is such a liar," Blair hissed under her breath.

"I'll see to the arrangements now," Bart said, kissing Lily on the head and walking to his study.

"Penelope if you send that photo I will make your life a living hell for the next six months!" Blair threatened quietly, watching her minions carefully. "That goes for all of you, if I so much as hear a whisper of this on Gossip Girl you will live to regret it."

Penelope sighed, "Whatever you say, Queen B," She said sarcastically, snapping her phone shut and picking up her clutch. "Come on girls, we're leaving. Thanks for inviting us Serena, it was fun." She eyed Blair and Chuck, "For the most part. Bye Nate."

"Huh? Oh, goodbye." Nate said absently. Penelope huffed and stormed off, with the other girls muttering their excuses and following.

"Does this mean that Blair was joking about having a new guy?" Is whispered on her way out.

"With B? Who knows," Hazel replied.

*****

"I don't know Grandma, that last dress seemed a little extravagant for my tastes," Blair took a sip of her cappuccino which was quickly followed up by a bite of her blueberry muffin.

"Don't be ridiculous darling, you looked lovely." Lia waved off before narrowing her eyes. "I'm sure young Charles will most appreciate you in it."

"Grandma," Blair said warningly.

"Yes, yes I know, I promised myself that I wouldn't interfere, but when I heard the wonderful news about you and Nathaniel breaking up I just had to come to visit!"

Upon another glare from her Granddaughter she added, "Stop looking at me like that, you know that I think dear Nate is a perfect gentleman, but I never thought that he was right for you. No," She decided firmly, waving her hand at the waitress to refill her cup. "Nate was just a placeholder, pleasant to look at but more tedious by the day. Charles on the other hand... Well there was always a spark between you two, don't bother denying it – I've heard all about your _scandalous_ love affair."

"_Grandma!_"

"What? Oh don't get so worked up, you think I was innocent in my day?" Lia laughed, "Heavens no, I remember this one time... no, your mother would murder me. But then once... No that's not exactly child appropriate either. I know, did I ever tell you the story of how I got together with your Grandfather?"

Blair shook her head and leaned in interestedly.

"Well it was the beginning of the roaring sixties, I was young and foolish and he was arrogant and selfish, not to mention a frightful womanizer. We met through mutual acquaintances, though he claimed ever after that it was fate, and fell instantly in love. Not that either of us would admit it! Oh no, we were far too pigheaded for that. We danced around each other for a while, each toying with each others emotions, dangling new playthings in front of the others face in the hope that it would coax a reaction." Lia smiled reminiscently.

"It never worked until one day after I had seen him with a girl he knew I _loathed_. So, being the mature, well-bred lady that I was, I invited his enemy and rival to accompany me to a society event. Richard was _not_ impressed, though he managed to remain stoic for the majority of the night until it came time for the dancing! And oh did we dance, I distinctly remember Donald – my date - leaned down to whisper something in my ear, the next thing I knew I was being pulled out of the fray of Richard and Donald fighting, both were determined to leave a mark on the other. It took ten fully grown men to pull them apart in the end."

"What happened?"

"I was furious of course, I don't believe that I spoke to your Grandfather for several months, and he was too proud to come begging. And then one night as I was walking down by the lake, I felt him come up behind behind me and he whispered in my ear, 'Are you done sulking yet or do I have to wait to ask you to marry me?'"

"And you said yes." Blair breathed.

"No," Lia corrected with a glint in her eyes, "Actually, I pushed him into the lake and told him to come and find me when he was ready to propose properly and to be aware that I wasn't willing to accept any less then a thirty carat diamond for the ring." She smirked wickedly.

"That story was so romantic," Blair sighed.

"Yes I suppose it is, though at the time I felt like I was the unluckiest girl in the world because everything was so complicated." Lia smiled. "Everything looks so much harder when you're young."

"What age where you when you got married?"

"Twenty-two. I had your mother when I was just turned twenty three. Richard and I were together for only twelve short years before he died of a heart attack. Those were the best years of my life... Anyway, enough chit-chat." She changed the subject briskly. "We have some serious shopping to do, that armoire isn't going to fill itself you know!"

"Grandma?"

"Yes?"

"That girl that you loathed, it was Celia Rhodes wasn't it?"

"Why of course dear, I thought that that was a given."

*********

*****IMPORTANT: The past few chapters, (okay lets be honest) almost allof the chapters thus far have had the non-Judging breakfast club's parents - Namely Bart, Lily, and Eleanor as a main focus in the storyline. I really like writing it and I _think _that you like reading it but if not please tell me now because I tend to make things up as I go along and I have a few idea's for more storylines that incorporate them without (I hope) being overly fixated on them.**


	8. Family Reunions Part 2

**Disclaimer - Don't own *sigh***

**Word Count - 4600; you know this was originally supposed to be a tiny little story with less then 1000 words each chapter lol.**

**A/N - So it's official, I am the most inconsistent writer there ever was. Sometimes I don't update for weeks and others I update within days, what can I say the mood just strikes me sometimes. Anyways here's part 2 and I hope you enjoy it! PS - B/C to happen very soon!**

*******  
**

"Celia." Lia greeted frostily.

"Cornelia," Cece countered. "Still sunning yourself on the Gulf Coast? I really don't know how you can survive in such a warm climate day after day... Though the current state of your skin is evidence enough that you do."

"Celia, Celia, Celia... Still bitter I see." Lia observed. "Tell me, how _do_ you keep yourself looking so young? Your very prominent receding hairline is equal only to that of a baby's!"

"See what I mean," Eleanor hissed to her fiancé as she grabbed a glass of champagne (or three) off of a server and dragged him away.

"Grandma, Lia" Serena approached the two tentatively with Aaron on her arm. "This is my boyfriend Aaron Rose, Cyrus' son and Blair's future stepbrother."

Cece eyed both her and Blair, "You two really do have a thing about swapping siblings don't you? Though I'm sure that Serena's choice of beau far surpasses Blair's choice." She smiled benignly at Chuck.

"And yet you wouldn't find Blair dating a social nobody from Brooklyn. The son of Lily's old lover I believe? Still, I suppose there is something to be said for keeping it in the family I suppose."

"At least Lily and Serena's beaus stuck to one gender, which is more then can be said for Eleanor's husband. Which, funnily enough," Cece let out a fake cackle, "Brings us back to your point about keeping it in the family, I always did have my doubts about your late Richard."

Lia eyed her furiously but somehow managed to keep her tone of voice level. "Why would that be dear? You can't still be under the impression that every man who isn't interested in touching you with a ten foot barge pole is _gay_, can you?"

Chuck attempted to stifle a snicker and Serena quickly led a protesting Aaron away, giving Blair a look that clearly said 'do something'.

"Cornelia once again you are far off the mark," Cece said innocently, "I was merely questioning Richard's penchants for brightly colored suits and ridiculous outfits." She once again pointedly looked at Chuck who was dressed in a snow-white colored suit with a bright orange silk shirt.

Lia hesitated briefly before conceding the point. "Well then you can rest assured that Richard was indeed straight. I should know," She gave a conspiratorial wink, "Oh and if you are ever in the Tribeca Star for lunch I would strongly advise that you use the restrooms on the _second_ floor."

Blair almost gagged on her martini and Chuck went slightly pale.

"I have to go to... over there now. Bass why you come too." Blair ground out.

"I think I'm fine here actually," Chuck looked at her nervously, but Blair dragged him away by his floral bow tie.

"Notice how my voice didn't rise at the end? Wasn't a question." She let go of him and waved politely at some of her mothers society friends who were looking at them curiously.

"Now Waldorf-" He tried.

"Remind me again what in the world possessed me to listen to you that day in the first place," Blair groaned and banged her forehead against the wall.

"Blair you're overreacting," He smirked at her. "If what your Grandmother said was true, I know for a fact that the bathrooms in that hotel have been remodeled on three different occasions since Lia was a deb."

"And how exactly would you know that?" Blair asked sharply.

He gave her a look, "You were the virgin when we hooked up, not me."

"And after?" Blair challenged.

"No comment," He rolled his eyes at her. "Though if it makes you feel better, you were always the most _flexible_ of all of my conquests." The second the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. "Waldorf I didn't mean tha-"

"Conquests, right," She gave a hoarse chuckle, and blinked back tears. "And here was me thinking that it was lov- something _more_. More fool me, right Bass?" She spun on here heel and walked furiously away.

"Blair wait," He called after her. "B- Damn." He swore, before hurrying after her. Her running away from him in tears had not gone so well for him before. He silently made a vow to kill Nate if so much as caught a glimpse of him within ten feet of Blair.

He needn't of worried...

*********

Serena let out a watery chuckle. "You really think that less of me? That I would cheat on you with my ex the second your back is turned?"

Aaron wouldn't meet her eye. "I don't know, and that's the problem."

"Aaron, I have a past." Serena said furiously, "I told you straight out when we began this relationship."

"I know, but at that point I didn't really think it would be an issue. I didn't think that I would be constantly compared to and reminded of the great Dan&Serena chronicles."

"I don't compare you to Dan!" Serena cried, "You are the only one who does!"

"I know that too," He sighed, "Look Serena, you love Dan. I know it, you know it, hell the lady who served us our cocktails tonight probably knows it! I can't keep trying to win a losing fight."

"So you're just going to give up?" She took both of his hands in her own and threaded her fingers through his.

"Better a clean break now then a messy one later. I'm sorry Serena, truly I am." He kissed her softly before silently leaving the room.

"Serena are you in here?" Nate asked from the doorway a few seconds later. "I thought I heard your voice. Hey, are you okay? You look upset. What happened?"

"No, no, nothing happened I'm fine." She wiped the last of her tears from her eyes before turning around and giving him a reassuring smile. "What about you? Why are you up here instead of downstairs having fun?"

"My mom called, she said that the lawyers somehow managed to get my Dad a last minute bail hearing and that he's allowed to come home on the condition that he be under house arrest."

"That's great Nate!" Serena congratulated him, "I know, why don't be go downtown and celebrate! I know this great jazz place in Brooklyn."

"I don't know Serena..." Nate said hesitantly. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah! Come on, let's party." She said enthusiastically. "Unless of course you're too chicken..."

"Chicken? Me?" Nate laughed, "Bring on the shots, I'll drink you under the table."

"Oh really?" Serena giggled. She grabbed his hand on pulled him into the elevator. "You're going down Archibald!"

"We'll just see about that Van der Woodson."

*********

"Apparently the water hit some of the electrical wires and the roof needs some serious renovations. The contractor said that it would take at least a month to fix, two even." Eleanor gushed to one of her friends. "And of Blair's room will have to be completely renovated, it bore the brunt of the damage you know. Of course _I_ am just grateful that Blair escaped unscathed."

"Mrs Waldorf, Ladies" Chuck interrupted, "You haven't happened to see Blair around anywhere have you?"

"No I can't say that I have," Eleanor shook her head, waving to her friends as they left. "Perhaps she's comforting Serena, I heard a rumor that she and Aaron broke up. Why do you ask? You and Blair are usually inseparable, if anyone knows where she is it should be you."

Chuck flinched, "I doubt we're that close."

Eleanor eyed him shrewdly, "Then why have you been frantically looking for her for the best part of an hour?"

"She has something of mine and I need it back," Chuck lied.

Eleanor laughed. "I believe that my daughter has something of yours, and that you most definitely have something of hers; but trust me when I say that the both of you are wise enough to know that you should never give them back." She patted him on the shoulder and left to rejoin her group.

*********

"Found you," Chuck said softly a few minutes later as he came up behind Blair on the roof and draped his jacket over her shivering shoulders.

"Took you long enough," She retorted and quickly wiped the remainder of her tears from her eyes. "What do you want Bass?"

"To apologize," He said quietly.

"Save it," She turned her back on him. "Everyone knows that you always say what you really feel first time round."

"Then everyone is an idiot," He pulled her to face him, and she broke free and backed away from him as far as she could until she felt the cool railing at her back. "Waldorf, if after everything we've been through you still believe that I think of you as one of my conquests then you are really not as smart as I thought."

"Well what am I supposed to think?" Blair asked angrily, "You tell me Chuck, what am I to you?"

"Blai-" The ringing of her cell phone cut him off.

"Ignore it," she whispered into the darkness.

"You-"

This time it was his cellphone that cut him off. He frustratedly took it out of his pocket to switch it off when he noticed the caller ID. "It's Nate."

"Mine's Serena." Blair told him.

Sighing they looked at each other one last time before calling back their respective BFF's.

"What do you want S?" Blair snapped.

"This had better be life or death Nathaniel," Chuck threatened.

*********

"I have to say that it is so nice to just sit back and have a relaxing meal with my family." Rufus said, as they walked through the streets of Brooklyn on their way home, "Even if it was Chinese food."

"And hey, at least we know now never to let Dan within ten feet of the stove at all times." Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Hey! The pot fell out of my hand what was I supposed to do?"

"Hmm, I don't know, catch it?" Vanessa suggested.

"Thanks V, thanks so much for your support." Dan laughed.

She shrugged.

"Okay girltalk! Jenny what's this I hear about you and a boy? Nate was it?" Alison asked.

Vanessa winced.

Jenny blushed and looked down. "He's a senior at St. Jude's and he's so cute! Last night he took me to-"

Rufus put his hands over his ears, "Not listening."

Jenny rolled her eyes while Alison chuckled, "Some things never change."

"Hey isn't that...?" Dan frowned.

"Blair!" Jenny called.

"Oh Lord." Rufus muttered.

"Isn't she that girl from Thanksgiving?" Alison asked quietly.

"Unfortunately." Rufus replied.

"Humphreys." Blair greeted, looking around edgily.

"What are _you_ doing in Brooklyn at this time of night?" Dan asked, taking note of where she stood in front of a busy nightclub. "And what are you doing at this place?"

"Er... I'm with someone?" Blair tried, "Well, nice to see you!" She said quickly.

"Waldorf you could help!" A voice snapped, from behind her before she had a chance to get away.

"Is- Is that _Chuck_?" Dan frowned, craning his neck.

Blair sighed before admitting reluctantly, "Yes."

"Blai- Humphrey?" Chuck asked, coming up behind her.

"So are you guys...?" Jenny asked.

"God no!" Blair snorted

"None of your business." Chuck replied before turning to Blair, "Currently Dumb Blond #1 is dancing on tables, while Dumb Blond #2 is hitting on a vending machine." He smirked before going back inside.

Blair groaned and turned back to the very confused Humphreys. "Bye, bye now." She said firmly.

"Blair we're not leaving you here." Dan told her.

"Yeah, it's dangerous out here at this time of night. Especially for a girl." Jenny reminded her.

"I don't know," Vanessa thought out loud. "If anything ever happened I'd be more scared for her attacker."

"I'll be fine, besides I'm not alone, I'm with Chuck." She pointed out.

"You'd probably be safer alone." Dan muttered, before looking into the window of the club. "Is that Serena!?" He asked, rushing inside.

"Great, just _great_. Well if you must know Nate's there too." Blair sighed.

"Nate?" Jenny asked worriedly, about to go in until Rufus held her back.

"I'll go," Rufus said, "Stay here." He instructed the four girls.

"You know this really isn't necessary," Blair called after him, "Chuck and I can handle it."

"Blair, is it?" Alison frowned. "You really should let them handle it, this is no place for a girl your age."

Blair rolled her eyes, "I've been doing this since I was thirteen," She informed them. "I'm just grateful I didn't have to go to some guy's apartment this time."

Alison's eyes widened.

"Blaiiirrrrrrr!" Serena cried, dancing out of Dan's arms and grabbing Blair's hand making her do a twirl. "I had soooo much fun tonight! Didn't we Natie? Natie?" She looked around for him, "Oh... he was here a minute ago..."

"Serena," Blair told her, holding on to her best friend firmly. "Have you taken anything other then alcohol?"

"Ummm... I had some crisps earlier?" Serena tried, "And I think Natie had some too? At least I think it was him..." She frowned.

"Great," Blair muttered again, "Sweetie let's get you home and sobered up before Lily finds out."

"Too late," Chuck answered, coming up behind them supporting Nate on his shoulder. "She's rang me three times already."

"Crap," Blair handed Serena to Dan and stepped out into the road to hail a taxi.

"You're not leaving like this," Rufus informed them, waving the taxi on again. "You'll come back to the loft and I'll call Lily from there."

"Thanks for the offer but we'll be fine." Chuck snapped.

"I'm not offering, I'm ordering. Serena and Nate are as good as family and we take care of our family." Rufus shot back, "Now come on, it's this way."

Jenny held Nate's hand as Rufus and Dan led him away and Blair sighed before rolling her eyes at a very annoyed Chuck and helping Serena to walk.

*********

"Lily I told you they're fine. Drunk yes, but fine. I'm pretty sure neither of them took anything. Yes Blair and Chuck are with them, we found them outside of a club in Brooklyn and I didn't want to let them off on their own. Okay I'll see you then. Goodbye Lily." Rufus hung up the phone and turned to his ex-wife. "I'm sorry about this Alison, I know that this wasn't what you had in mind when you came to visit the kids."

She gave him a wry look, "With the disasters that my last few visits have entailed I was kind of expecting it. What would a trip to New York be without Lily Van der Woodson putting in an appearance."

"How are the kids going?" He nodded to the bedrooms.

"Well Nate has been successfully sobered up, according to his friend _Chuck_ he's always been a lightweight anyway. Blair and Jenny have Serena in the shower now."

"And Vanessa and Dan?" Rufus asked.

"Dan's trying to pretend that he's not way out of his league while he's taking care of Serena, and Vanessa, well she's sitting in the background glowering at everyone, especially Blair."

"Yeah somehow I can't ever see those two getting on. Personally I think that Blair is too conniving and deceitful to ever make proper friends. I've heard a lot of stories about her and Chuck, there's no doubt that Serena and Nate are the two betters in that relationship. I've lost count of the number of times Jenny's been in tears because of Blair and her friends." Rufus shook his head.

"And that's where you're wrong," Chuck informed him, walking into the room. "Blair is a much better friend to Serena then Serena is to Blair. And Nate likes to pretend that he's better then us all when really we're the only ones who keep him grounded."

"Excuse me, this was a private conversation." Rufus said crossly.

Chuck looked around the loft with disdain. "Then purchase an apartment with more walls," he sneered. "And when you talk about me and my friends you make it my business. You don't know anything about us or our lives so I would appreciate it if you kept your nose out."

"This is my house-" Rufus started.

"And I don't particularly want to be in it," Chuck retorted, "I didn't have a choice remember."

"You're free to leave at any time," Rufus said, opening the door for him.

"Except Serena and Nate are here and Blair won't leave them," Chuck settled himself on the sofa. "And I'm not leaving Blair alone in Brooklyn, you might try to convert her like you did Nate and Serena."

"I don't feel so good." Nate groaned as he clutched his head and hobbled into the room.

"Well that's what happens when you drink twice your weight in spirits and alcohol," Dan told him. "What the hell were you doing out partying anyway. You know Serena doesn't go for that any more."

Nate let out a laugh. "It was her idea. She was upset about something and I knew she was going to go with or without me so I figured I should go and make sure she got home all right."

"Yeah, hows that working out for you?" Dan said sarcastically.

"It's not his fault," Blair said sharply, "You've never met drunk Serena, she can persuade anyone to do anything. And Nate doesn't have the strongest willpower."

"Especially when it comes to a certain blonde," Chuck added, smirking at Blair.

"At least they didn't have the chance to sleep together this time." Vanessa said, not noticing that Jenny had just entered the room behind her.

"Jenny," Nate tried, "Nothing happened I promise."

"Sure," She smiled, utterly unconvinced. "I'm going to go and check on Serena."

"Jenny wait," He rushed out after her.

Blair rolled her eyes yet again and went to sit next to the only person in this room that she could stand; Chuck.

"How against are you about leaving Nate and Serena here to deal with their own mess for once?" Chuck asked her quietly.

"Right now? Not very," Blair replied, "But I wouldn't give that troll Vanessa the pleasure of seeing me back down."

"Who cares, she's a nobody anyway." Chuck reminded her.

"A nobody who you almost slept with and chose instead of me." Blair growled.

"You're the one who dared me to and I did not choose her instead of you." Chuck looked an oblivious Vanessa up and down with distaste. "Whoever chooses her over Blair Waldorf is severely lacking in the brain department. You're a hundred times better."

"If I didn't know you better I'd say that you just stuck up for me." Blair said with a silly smirk on her face.

He shrugged and sighed at her questioning glance, "I figured I owe you one for what I said earlier. I really didn't mean it you know, you mean much more to me then to be a conquest."

"Am I dreaming?" Blair asked, "Or did Chuck Bass just say sorry?"

"Maybe I just want to get you into bed," He pointed out, "Then again why bother to be nice," He mused, "Everyone knows that you'd jump at the chance to be with me again, and who am I to stand in your way," He gave her his most lecherous wink and leaned in closer.

"And the world is back to normal again," Blair said, pushing his head away and laughing.

"Do you mind?" Dan asked with a disgusted look on his face, "Watching you two flirt is not what I want to look at in my own home."

"Jealous you're not getting any action?" Blair asked in mock sympathy. "Is Cedric not interested anymore?"

"Yeah Blair, that's right. He's jealous of your backwards, non-existent relationship," Vanessa told her, "Tell me how does it feel to be constantly hurt by people who are supposed to love you?"

"You tell me," Blair retorted, "Or wait, none of your relationships have ever lasted long enough to be called a relationship have they?"

"At least I know my friends are with me because they like me and not because they're scared of me." Vanessa quipped.

"And tell me again how many friends you have again Vanessa?" Blair asked, "Just two; Dan who chooses golden girl Serena over you every time, and Jenny, the girl who stole your boyfriend. Whereas I have three best friends who would do anything for me."

"Oh really? And what best friends would they be Blair? Serena who slept with your boyfriend? Nate who only dated you so that you would help his Dad? Or could it possibly be Chuck Bass who blackmailed you and used you, not to mention him sending you off to a foreign country all on your own. Oh yeah, sounds like they're real keepers." Vanessa said sarcastically.

"Leave her alone Vanessa," Nate told her tiredly, "You don't know her okay? There's more to everything then what meets the eye. That goes for you too Blair."

"Can everybody please just stop fighting?" Serena pleaded, coming out of Dan's room with Jenny. "My head hurts, and I really can't deal with everything right now."

"Well that's too bad because I'm just beginning," Lily glared at her from the doorway. "Do you have anything to say for yourself? And don't start on about it not being your fault because after your escapades at the church last week I know that Georgina is safe in rehab."

"Mom," Serena sighed, "I'm sorry, Aaron broke up with me and Nate got some good news about his Dad so I suggested that we go and celebrate... Everything just got out of hand."

"And had Rufus not called me I presume that we would be forever left in the dark about this?" Lily asked, looking meaningfully at Blair and Chuck. "Serena you can't live your life like this, it's not fair to you or to everyone else. Blair and Chuck shouldn't have to always be bailing you out like this! Didn't you learn anything from what happened with Pete?"

"Mom that's not fair-"

"Serena _life_ isn't fair! And you can not go out and get drunk every time something bad happens! Is this how things are going to be from now on? Clean and sober for nine months and then wrecking it all by one night of debauchery! If so then tell me now so I can prepare for next time." Bart laid a hand on his wife's shoulders,

"Perhaps we should wait until we get home to discuss this further," He suggested, "We've imposed on the Humphrey's for long enough." He gave Rufus a nod.

"No, no," Alison said dryly, "Stay - we insist."

"Trust me it was no imposition," Rufus said quickly, giving Alison a warning look. "You're always welcome here."

Bart smiled tightly, "Blair your Grandmother is waiting in the limo for you to make sure that you get home safely,"

"Is Cece with her?" Blair asked.

Bart nodded,

"I'm fine here." Blair said quickly causing Big-Bad-Bart to let out a chuckle.

"Charles perhaps you will go with her and take your step-sister with you? I presume that Nate can walk on his own by this stage." Bart said, stepping out from the doorway.

Nate gave a nod and kissed Jenny on the cheek, promising to call her later, before following Blair and Serena out of the apartment.

"So this is what it feels like," Chuck mused with a smirk on his face, as he passed Bart.

"To do what?" Bart asked.

"Why to be the good child of course," Chuck informed him innocently.

Bart sighed as Lily glared at him. "Go and get in the limo before Lily has an aneurysm?" Chuck ventured.

Bart gave him a nod and practically shoved him out of the door in front of them.

"Rufus?" Alison asked as the door shut firmly behind them.

"Yes?"

"What the hell kind of school are we sending our children to?"

*********

"So where's Eric tonight?" Cece asked as they drove slowly through the streets and the traffic of Brooklyn.

"He's staying at a friend's house, he at least has some sense and maturity." Lily said tightly, as the limo halted at a red light.

"Eric is blond with dark roots isn't he? Thin frame, slightly short?" Lia asked as she looked out of the window and into a crowded public area where teenagers were gathered; drinking and partying.

"Yes," Lily confirmed, frowning slightly, "Why?"

"Oh, no reason." Lia assured her, deciding _not _to mention the boy of his exact description that was currently crowd-surfing while clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels. "No reason at all..."


	9. The Senior Valentine's Day Dance

**Disclaimer: Don't own, wish I did ;)**

**Word Count: Almost 5,000 - my longest yet! you guys are lucky that I love you lol.**

**A/N: I know, I know. Another fast-ish update, is she feeling okay? lol. I got this done as quick as possible because I couldn't wait for the C/B getting together (or not) part. Plus I was kinda depressed by the promo for 2.15 even though I can't wait to see what the writers come up with! Anyways, thanks for all the lovely reviews, they motivate me even more! Hope you enjoy! Oh and for this Dance think exact same dresses and suits on everyone only in Valentine's Day colors.  
****  
PS - YALE next chapter!**

"I'm telling you, the guy is a living genius." Chuck assured as he and Nate made their way into the elevator leading to the Van der Bass apartment. Chuck nodded to the doorman before pressing the button and continuing on, "He taught me everything I know about drugs, money and alcohol. Not to mention women, he puts even _me_ to shame. No girl is safe."

"How come I've never heard of him before now? I mean you and I have been best friends for years." Nate asked.

Chuck gave a grudging nod. "He and Bart don't get along too well. The last time I saw him I was thirteen and they got into a fight. I don't think they've spoken since,"

"Five years? It must have been some fight."

"That it was." Chuck remembered quietly. "It was the first time I've ever truly seen my father loose his cool. To this day I don't know what it was about."

"Weird."

"Very. But that is beside the point. The point is, that we are going to get out of our minds in fun this weekend. Now are you in?" Chuck slapped him on the back as the elevator came to halt.

"I'm in." Nate laughed, before frowning. "Just don't tell Jenny."

"Man you are so whipped." Chuck smirked. "Do you think Little J will let me borrow the leash? Or should I just activate the tracking device in the collar?"

The smirk was wiped off his face however as they walked into the apartment only to be greeted by the sight of an older man in his mid-thirties kissing Blair's hand as she smiled down on him.

Now it was Nate's turn to clap him on the back, "Actually I don't think that will be necessary after all. But hey, I could ask her if you can borrow the pistol? It looks like you might need it."

**~*~*~*~**

"Uncle Jack!" Chuck greeted, shaking his hand. "Great to see you again. I see you've met my _friend_ Blair." His eyes bore into the elder Bass' head in warning.

"We've been acquainted." Blair smiled.

"Charles you didn't tell me that all of your friends were this beautiful. I would have paid you a visit sooner." Jack slung his arm around his nephew's shoulders.

"I'm sure you would have." Chuck murmured. "This is Nathaniel."

"Ah, the best friend." Jack nodded. "Charles has told me all about you. Good to finally meet the man himself."

"All good I hope." Nate chuckled, transferring into formal mode. "Pleasure to meet you too sir."

"Oh please, call me Jack. 'Sir' makes me sound old."

"And God forbid he should need reminding." Bart interrupted, walking into the room with Eric at his heels. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"Chuck didn't tell you I was coming?" Jack asked innocently.

Bart rounded on Chuck.

"I thought he had called you first. I only found out yesterday and you left your phone here when you and Lily went away." Chuck explained, handing his father a slim silver cell phone.

Bart sighed. "Eric this is my brother Jack. Jack, this is my step-son Eric."

"Hi." Eric waved.

Jack nodded at him.

Silence.

"Well this has been sufficiently awkward," Blair rolled her eyes. "I'm gonna go. Eric tell your sister that since apparently her new boytoy is more important then her best friend, I'll see her later." She handed him the folder that was in her hand.

"What's this?" He asked, flipping through it. "Garth Jacobs, Danny Vato, Lucas James?"

Nate snatched the list out of his hand. "Senior Charity Valentines Ball Date Options?" He read. "Blair there must be at least fifty names here. Did all of these guys ask you out already?"

"Of course," She snapped. "Do you think Angelina Jolie even considers a project without an offer on the table?"

"Just out of curiosity," Chuck asked, "Who's in the lead to play guy with no future?"

"What makes you think I'm not looking for something more permanent?" Blair asked.

He gave her a look, "Call it a hunch."

She paused, "Keith Nelson."

"Are you kidding me?" He smirked, "Have you ever seen him without gum in his mouth? The neural fixation alone would drive you insane."

Blair opened her mouth before closing it again and shaking her head. She grabbed a pen from the desk and crossed a big X through the name. "Andy Clark."

"Outscored you at verbal on the SAT's," Chuck nodded.

"I like an intelligent man." Blair retorted, "He can whisper mellifluous nothings in my ear."

"You only think you like an intelligent man," Chuck informed her, "The second he'd give you a history of the word 'mellifluous' you'd rip our his sweet lafairing tongue."

Blair glared at him, "So who's next?" He asked innocently.

"You know," Jack cut in thoughtfully, "I'd be happy to escort you to the Ball myself. Anything for a friend of Chuck's."

She looked him up and down before giving him a fake smile, "Thanks for the offer, but the Father/Daughter dance is _next_ month."

Chuck winked at her and Nate snickered.

"With age comes experience," Jack reminded her.

"I don't have time for this," She decided briskly. "Eric-"

"I know, give her the folder." Eric rolled his eyes before noticing her flats. "Hey you aren't going shopping are you? Because I need to get Jenny a birthday present..."

"Come along E," Blair agreed, linking arms with him and leading him away, "At least one Van der Woodson appreciates my company."

"You know I don't give up that easily," Jack called after her.

"Well maybe you should learn to," Blair replied as the elevator closed.

"What?" Jack asked when all three men glared at him. "I like a woman who plays hard to get, and _she_ gives a new meaning to the word gorgeous."

"Miss Waldorf is a very close friend of the family and I would appreciate it if you didn't go after her." Bart said firmly, "She's also Nate and Charles' ex-girlfriend so I'm sure you can understand how it would be inappropriate."

Jack raised his eyebrows, "_Both_ of you dated her, maybe she'll be easier then I thought."

Nate quickly intercepted Chuck before he could do any damage to his uncle. "Maybe we should go upstairs now, before anyone gets hurt..."

"That is a very good idea. I want to speak with you anyway Jack." Bart said, walking in the direction of his office.

"Blair is off-limits." Chuck warned before allowing Nate to lead him away.

Jack saluted him before following Bart. "What's gotten into him?" He asked his brother as he shut the door behind him and relaxed into a chair.

"You were practically salivating over the girl he loves, I'm sure you can guess why that would upset him." Bart said.

"Loves?" Jack spat out in between laughter, "He's eighteen! There is no possible way that he's in love with her, and from the stories I've been hearing about him I don't think he ever will be in love."

"People said the same thing about you," Bart reminded him.

Jack's eyes hardened. "I was older."

"You were nineteen-"

"And it was _lust_, or at least that's what you assured me, wasn't it? That Misty and I were too young to have such deep feelings for each other, that I should break it off." Jack sneered. "I suppose I should be grateful that you at least waited a few weeks before putting yourself in the picture."

Bart glared at him, "Enough! What Misty and I had ran much deeper then the tawdry love affair that you two had. She even admitted it herself. She. Chose. _Me_,"

"Maybe," Jack shrugged, "But look where she ended up. Replaced by some blond money-grabber with expensive taste. Misty would turn in her grave."

"Misty's death," Bart stated clearly and dangerously, "Was a tragedy, it was nobody's fault. There's not a day goes by that I don't miss her and wish that she were here with me now, but she's not. I had to move on, I love Lily, and she loves me. Perhaps not as much as we should, but love manifests itself in different ways. I wanted a family for Charles, and she wanted stability and a reason for her to not digress into her old ways."

"The perfect foundation for a marriage," Jack snorted, before sighing. "He looks so much like her, how can you stand it?"

"I couldn't, for a long time. Every time I looked at him a saw her, it hurt too much. I began to neglect him, spending as little time as possible with him, relying on others to recount tales and stories of his childhood to me." Bart looked his brother in the eye. "He thought that I hated him; that I blamed him for his mothers death."

"And do you?"

"Of course I don't! He was just an innocent child, it wasn't his fault. And I suppose that I didn't help..." He sighed. "When we first moved here ten years ago I instructed him to tell everyone that his mother died in a plane crash."

"A plane crash?" Jack raised his eyebrows. "That was the best you could come up with?"

"Yes well, it's not exactly the easiest subject for me to talk about." Bart said pointedly. "Now, I wanted to talk about your stay here. I will not have it like last time. Chuck is finally starting to see straight and mature, I do not want you corrupting him again."

"Please, I was not _corrupting_ him." Jack scoffed.

"I walked into my hotel suite to find my thirteen year old son naked on the bed with three models." Bart said angrily.

"He was a fast learner! And besides, it's not like they were his first..."

**~*~*~*~**

"Thanks so for letting me stay here last night S," Blair said as she gathered her bathroom stuff together and half-closed the door behind her so she could continue talking to her best friend. "Dorota's staying at her sister's until she and that maid from room service sort out their differences, and Mom and Cyrus looked like they were about to start tearing each others clothes off."

"Sure no problem," Serena made a face, "Just please, spare me the visual!"

"Shoot I forgot my shampoo," Blair muttered, "Serena do you have any shampoo I can borrow?"

"Top shelf, on the right," Serena called back, a few seconds later she knocked on the door, "B I'm going to go down and get some breakfast okay, meet you down there?"

"Yeah, whatever." Blair said distractedly, trying to peer through the steam and find the bottle. Her hand finally grasped on something and she pulled back a bright gold bottle. Shrugging her shoulders she quickly lathered, rinsed, and repeated and shut off the water. She pulled a towel tightly over her body and turned on the fan to get rid of the remaining steam as she brushed out her hair. She looked up at the mirror and let out a scream.

"SERENA!"

**~*~*~*~**

"Was that Blair?" Nate asked as every member of the Van der Bass household plus Jack jumped to their feet and raced upstairs.

"Blair what is it? What's wrong?" Serena asked breathlessly as Chuck pushed open the bathroom door.

Blair turned and glowered at all of them, still dressed only in a towel. "What's wrong? What's wrong!" She hissed, motioning her hands to her now platinum blond hair, "I'm BLOND! That's what is wrong! I've probably lost about a hundred braincells already!"

Chuck, Bart and Jack started snickering as Lily crossed her arms across her chest and Serena looked affronted.

"What?" Blair snapped as she received stony looks from over half of the occupants of the room.

Jack stopped laughing long enough to sling his arm around her shoulders and tell her;

"Blond," He pointed to Lily, "Blond," Serena, "Blond," Nate, "Blond." he pointed one last finger at Eric, before turning to her and doing the same, "_Dead_."

Blair just shrugged his arm off of her shoulder, scowled, and slammed the bathroom door in all of their faces.

There was a few seconds pause before laughter erupted throughout the house.

**~*~*~*~**

"Really Blair it's not that bad." Serena comforted as Blair sat glaring at her own reflection in the mirror. "Actually you look really sophisticated, like a blond Katherine Hepburn."

"No she doesn't," Chuck scoffed.

Blair spun around and fixed him with the deadliest glare that she could muster up. "How long until this washes out?"

"The bottle said a few days but I remember it didn't last as long when I had it in," Serena said helpfully.

"You're forgetting that you used it for a Halloween party when you were sixteen. It's had two years to ferment since then." Chuck reminded her, stepping behind Blair and studying her profile in the mirror. "I don't know Waldorf. White-blond might actually suit you."

"Thanks, Bass." Blair smiled.

"I don't think that Eleanor will feel the same though." Chuck added with a smirk as he watched her face harden again.

"Crap."

**~*~*~*~**

"I no like this Miss Blair." Dorota frowned as she handed Blair the list of girls.

"Well I didn't like that fillet mignon you made for dinner but you don't hear me complaining." Blair snapped. "Dorota these girls are all wrong! Chloe Steinbeck? What on earth were you thinking? She looks like a pug!"

"Her profile say she very nice. She enjoy long walks on beach and romantic dinners."

Blair scoffed, "Romantic dinners? Please, Chuck's idea of romantic is waiting for you to take off your jewelery before he-"

"Miss Blair!"

"Come on Dorota we need to focus! We can not let that Basstard win!"

"For once I agree." Dorota muttered. "How about this girl. She smart, very pretty, dark brown hair."

Blair examined the photo under a magnifying glass. "She has a pimple the size of Everest on her chin. I may hate Chuck, but even I am not that cruel."

"If you say so," Dorota sighed.

Seven pictures later Blair was even more frustrated, "What is wrong with these girls! I swear, they're getting uglier as we go along."

"Maybe you getting pickier."

"I told you before – I will not allow Chuck to win! He can not know me better then anybody else!"

"But he does." Dorota said confusedly.

"That is not the point!"

~*~*~*~

"Should I be worried?" Bart asked, picking up one of the photographs that Chuck was pouring over.

"He's picking out Blair's new boyfriend." Eric supplied, grabbing a tub of ice-cream and sitting down at the counter next to his sister.

"What?" Lily laughed, grabbing a spoon. "I hardly think that Blair would allow that."

"Oh she is," Serena confirmed. "Chuck gets to pick her date to the Snowflake Ball and she gets to pick his."

"And the reason for this is... ?"

"To prove who knows each other better." Serena rolled her eyes. "If either of them actually _like_ their dates they lose. And knowing those two there is also a bonus. What are you getting out of it?"

"Who does Blair love most in the world?" Chuck smirked, putting his pen down.

"You-" Eric started but Serena cut him off with a kick.

"You got her to give up Dorota!" Serena asked incredulously.

"For a _month_. And if by some freak of nature I lose, she gets the limo." Chuck admitted.

"So let me get this straight, you pick out a new guy for Blair, which, knowing you, will most likely be an inferior version of _you_, and if Blair likes him you give her the limo. Right?" Eric asked.

Chuck nodded, picking up the pen.

"So if you lose Blair leaves in your limo,_ the_ limo, with a new guy. Does any of that seem off to you?" Eric asked Serena innocently while smirking at Chuck.

The pen snapped.

"Bro," He ground out, "Do me a favor. The next time you think of something, keep it to yourself." He packed up the photographs and stormed off to his room.

**~*~*~*~**

"This girl is perfect." Blair sighed happily.

"Miss Blair she looks just like you," Dorota frowned disapprovingly.

"Are you saying she's prettier then me?" Blair demanded.

"No, I mean - I get door to suite now," Dorota excused herself much to Blair's chagrin, and showed Justine, the girl they had chosen, inside.

"Blair? You rang?" Justine asked, tucking a stray brown wisp of curly hair behind her ear.

"I did, how would you like to escort a fine, eligible, bachelor to the prestigious Senior Dance tonight?" Blair gave her a dazzling smile.

"Um... Sure, I guess so." Justine replied.

"Great!" Blair said enthusiastically, already throwing dresses out onto the bed. "Oh and one last thing," Blair faced her and gave her her best 'Queen B' look. "If you so much as think about sleeping with Chuck, I _will_ destroy you. Now I was thinking floral? Maybe a deep shade of burgundy?"

Justine gulped.

**~*~*~*~**

"Hi Chuck," some girl smiled flirtatiously at him.

"Are you Blair's girl?" Chuck asked. "Not bad, you know the roof has some amazing views..."

"Excuse me, he's taken, shoo," Blair interrupted.

"Well you look lovely," Chuck said with a smile. "I see the hair washed out, finally."

"Not as lovely as I'll look in my limo," Blair smoothed down the lapel of his red sequined jacket, ignoring his last comment. "So where's my Prince Un-Charming?"

"Sandbox rules, I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"Fine, here she comes. Justine this is Chuck Bass."

"Very nice to meet you." He said charmingly, shaking her hand. He glanced at Blair before waving over his shoulder at someone.

Blair let out a disbelieving laugh upon seeing her date, "You can't be serious," She turned to Chuck, "We need to talk, excuse us." She quickly led a smirking Chuck away.

"Explain," She demanded once they had reached a secluded corner.

"Why don't you start," Chuck replied, "Justine seems to look a lot like a certain someone that I know."

Blair smiled innocently, "We both know that I'm your one and only, and a Canal Street knock-off seemed like the best option."

"My thinking exactly," Chuck agreed.

"Fine," Blair sighed, "You know if Beta-Bass is anything like the original I've no doubt that sooner or later he'll disappoint me."

"And I'm curious to see if the new Blair has all of the features that I so enjoyed on the old model."

"So the bet is still on?" Blair asked sharply.

"Unless you're willing to concede?" Chuck snapped back.

"To you," Blair scoffed, "Never." She stormed off with Chuck trailing after her, still smirking.

**~*~*~*~**

"Where are they?" Blair snapped.

"Relax, they'll be here somewhere." Chuck said unconcernedly.

"Oh my God." Blair gasped a few second later, "This is the worst out of body experience ever. Hey!" She yelled, clapping her hands and making Justine and her replacement-Chuck break apart. "Explain this!"

"After you and Chuck walked off, Justine and I got to talking."

"He took me up to the roof and we looked over the city..."

Blair shot a glare at Chuck who remarked dryly, "Of course he did."

"We just knew we were meant for each other," Blair's date looked adoringly at Chuck's date.

"But she's me," Blair said finally, "Only less – I gave her that headband you know."

"We're as surprised as you are," Justine shrugged before continuing to kiss her new boyfriend.

Blair gave Chuck a pointed look, "Everyone, including our dopplegangers can work it out... But we can't?"

Chuck looked down and didn't reply.

"Ugh." Blair shook her head and walked away.

Chuck took one last look at the couple who resembled him and Blair so much, before walking away in the opposite direction to Blair. He made his way into the mens bathroom only to find Dan and Serena passionately making out against a cubicle. "He hem." He cleared his throat.

"Crap," Dan swore as Serena quickly fixed her dress.

"Chuck," Serena sighed, "What is it going to take to keep you quiet about this?"

He took one look at their happy, flushed faces before turning his back on them and exiting the room again, "My lips are sealed," He muttered under his breath as he maneuvered his way through the thick throng of students, searching for Blair.

He finally found her on the stairs, staring down their clones, who were still kissing. "Dance with me." He said quietly, coming to stand next to her.

"What's the point Chuck?" She sighed, not tearing her eyes away from the dance floor. "We're never going to be them Chuck, you said so yourself."

"Maybe not," Chuck shrugged, looking her straight in the eye. "But I wouldn't change us. Not if it meant losing what we have."

"And what do we have Chuck? You tell me." She asked quickly.

Chuck looked down and allowed a small, genuine, smile to grace his lips. "Tonight." He said simply, "So shut up, and dance with me."

Blair hesitated before allowing him to take her hand in his and lead her to the dance floor, while attempting to keep a grin off of her face.

"We'd never work you know," Chuck said conversationally, "You're a high-maintenance bitch."

"And you're a low-life _Basshole_ who takes pleasure in making my life hell," Blair countered.

"I'd be forever jealous of any guy who looked even the slightest bit like Prince Charming." Chuck admitted.

"My girls would always be working overtime to take down any slut who so much as talks to you," Blair conceded.

"We'd never be able to take a normal limo ride, alone _or_ in company."

"My reputation is less then pristine from the last time we were together, it'd be shot completely to hell if we got together now."

"Dorota _hates_ me." He reminded her.

"All of your family loves me." Blair smirked.

"I'm best friends with the guy you've been planning on marrying since you were four."

"My best friend is your step-sister."

"If I ever hurt you I'd be forced to flee the country in fear of your wrath."

"If I ever hurt _you_you'd flee the country and I'd be stuck facing everyone's wrath."

"I'm already considering changing my ways for you."

"Given the choice I'm beginning to wonder if I'd choose you over _everything_ else at this point."

"I'm in love with you." Chuck said, giving her a look as if to say 'top that'.

"Well that's too bad because I'm in love with you too." Blair retorted.

They both froze.

"Jenny Humphrey!" A shrill voice yelled a few seconds later. They both sprung apart and made their way to the front of the ball room where a lone figure stood beneath the spotlight, her dress see through from the waist down, while everyone stood and laughed at her.

"Oops," Jenny said innocently, "Sorry Penelope, I must've been too busy begging for food on the streets to remember to add lining to that dress."

"You are so going to pay for this!" Penelope swore furiously, running out of the hall. Iz and Hazel eyes found Blair's and silently asked what to do. Blair rolled her eyes and inclined her head towards the door in a motion to follow Penelope and make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

"Alright everyone," Lily attempted to control her snickers. "Show's over."

"For now," Jenny added cheekily, allowing herself to be removed from the hall by one of the overseers.

"Sorry Mrs Bass," Nate smiled sheepishly, "Jenny gets a little carried away at times."

"It's really not a big deal," Lily waved off, "Although I could use a favor, Serena and Dan disappeared hours ago and I haven't seen them since, and quite honestly I don't think I want to. Do you think you could make a few polite inquires?"

"No need," Bart interrupted with Jack at his side. "We just saw them leaving a few minutes ago."

"Yeah," Jack said grumpily as Nate left to find his girlfriend. "Why are all of the good ones always taken?"

"Because they're seventeen and you're not?" Lily tried, "I'm going to get some _very_ spiked punch." She excused herself. "Remind me to thank Charles for that," She muttered to herself, "I have a feeling that I might need it."

"Jack why are you here? And I want the truth this time." Bart demanded after Lily had left.

Jack sighed before replying, "Samantha contacted me a few weeks ago. Alisha wants to meet Chuck."

"No way." Bart refused fervently. "She wasn't interested in meeting him when he was younger, she can forget it now."

"He's eighteen, and she wants to meet her Grandson. It's his choice to make." Jack protested. "Sam and Alisha are the only links that Chuck has to his mom, if it wasn't such a sore subject I'm sure he'd have brought it up before now."

Bart's eyes turned to watch his son who was dancing with Blair Waldorf. The two looked like they were engaged in avid conversation. "He's only just started to get himself together and mature. I wont let Alisha effect that in any way."

"It wont." Jack promised, before quickly retracting, "On second thoughts..."

Bart sighed. "Tell them I'll expect a visit within the month."

**~*~*~*~**

"What if we mess it all up?" Blair asked quietly as they resumed dancing. "I don't... I _can't_ lose you."

"Waldorf we survived jealous ex-s, brawls, a pregnancy scare, scandal, manipulation, abandonment, British-"

"Okay Chuck!" Blair interrupted. "I get it. We're both idiots."

Chuck looked at the hand that was holding Blair's and carefully threaded his fingers through hers.

"Chuck and Blair holding hands." She whispered.

He nodded before replying. "And in Blair-World everything is a movie anyway so we got that one covered too."

Blair slapped him on the arm as he smirked.

"Three words..." He prompted

"Eight letters," She smiled.

"Say it and I'm yours." The both chorused.

"You really can be quite poetic when you want to be," Chuck mused.

"I choose to take that as a compliment." Blair said haughtily. "And another thing-"

His lips on hers cut her off mid-sentence.

"That's what I missed the most about us," Chuck told her as they finally came up for air.

"What? Kissing me?" Blair teased.

"No - having a fail-safe way to shut you up." He told her seriously before laughing at the murderous look on her face and leading her off the dance floor.

"Where are you taking me now Bass?" She asked.

He smirked at her, "I think it's about time we reclaimed our roof from those rip-offs, don't you think?"


	10. Social Experiments of the Rich and Jerky

**Disclaimer - Don't own**

**Word Count - 6300! Even I'm in shock.**

**A/N - So I had this idea as I was watching GG on Monday - Can anybody saw Asshole? I mean seriously Jack, OTT! And Chuck got him on Megan's List. I'm still laughing my ass off! - And I decided to delete everything else I had and run with it. Sorry about the wait but seeing as this is twice my usual length I think I can be forgiven? Yes? No?  
Anyways, you know the drill - R&R. And once again, muchos gracias to everyone who reviewed! I love you guys!**

"Now who can tell me what exactly I mean by the phrase 'social elitism'?" Miss Reilly asked the class at large. "Nobody?" She sighed, "Really?" Needless to say her first day at this school was not going too well.

She looked around the room, taking note of where everyone was sitting; Blair Waldorf and her honor role companions were in the first few rows, Serena Van der Woodson was sitting in the corner with Dan Humphrey who appeared to be aching to put up his hand and tell her the answer but was hesitating for some reason. Chuck Bass was sitting in the back row with Nate Archibald beside him and his fellow rich friends around him. His eyes were glued to the back of Blair's head and every now and then she turned and gave him a glowing smile.

"Alright. I'll give you an example." Joan Reilly said finally. "Say Nickolas wanted to marry Kate, but Nickolas was a poor farmer and Kate was a rich merchant's daughter." A few people shot glances towards Dan and Serena but other then that remained disinterested. "Kate's parents found out about this and had Nickolas banished from their town, or even killed, and they married Kate off to a rich businessman." Joan Reilly pointed to a map. "Believe it or not. This happens in some countries all over the world."

Still no reaction.

"Miss Waldorf." Joan tried. "You are wealthy, correct?"

Blair raised her eyebrows and gave her the most condescending look she had ever seen. "Yes," She said benignly, "That is correct."

A few girls in the class tittered.

"Not any more." Joan told her brusquely. "You are now a poor washer-woman whose earnings are spent on buying alcohol for her drunkard father."

"Excuse me?" Blair's eyes flashed dangerously. "I think you have me confused with somebody else."

Joan looked her straight in the eye. "Actually I don't think that I do. Charles Bass." She called.

"Yes, Joan?" Chuck asked charmingly as his friends snickered.

"I would appreciate it if you called me Miss Reilly," She said sternly, before refocusing. "You are now the heir to a billion dollar oil company. Your father is a rich oil sheik."

"Is that supposed to impress me?" Chuck asked boredly, eying her with disdain.

"No Charles, it's not." Joan turned her back on them and sat down at her desk, she picked up a pen and twirled it idly around. "I just thought you'd like to know the reason that you are no longer allowed to see Miss Waldorf outside of classes."

"Wait... What?" Blair demanded, giving Chuck a 'WTF' look.

"Oh you don't understand?" Joan asked innocently. "You and Charles are now prohibited from spending any time together or seeing each other from outside an academic perspective. You are poor, he is rich. You have absolutely nothing in common anymore."

"You can't do that." Chuck said angrily.

"Alas Mr Bass, I have already cleared this little project with Headmistress Queller, she is calling your parents at this very moment. Providing they are on board with this project, and when they learn that it is worth forty percent of your overall grades this semester, I am sure that they will be."

"You make it sound as if I care about my grades." Chuck rolled his eyes.

"You may not," Joan shrugged, "But from what I've heard Miss Waldorf here does."

Blair's eyes narrowed and every eye in the class was glued to the scene.

"This is better then The Hills!" Iz whispered to Hazel.

"Totally." Hazel agreed, her eyes sparkling.

"And from these sources I am sure that you are aware that I am staying with the Bass' while my mother is away." Blair countered.

"Yes, I was actually." Joan said simply. "Now that you are all paying attention, I am sure you will all be happy to know that you will also be embarking with Mr Bass and Miss Waldorf on this little experiment." A chorus of complains and groans came from all of the students. "I will sort you into two groups, rich and poor. You will accept your group and I will not hear any complaints. Understand?" She received a few mumbles of assent and dark glares from her students as the bell rang. "A list will be posted before the end of the day." She called as everyone filed out of the room.

"Blair?" Serena tried, approaching her best friend who was fuming in silence.

"How dare she." Blair hissed quietly. "Nobody tells me I can and can't see."

"Please tell me you're not actually taking this seriously." Chuck scoffed, coming up behind them.

Blair met the eye of Miss Reilly as she was walking down the hallway, before turning and wrapping her arms around Chuck's neck and kissing him fiercely. When they broke apart a few long moments later she raised her eyebrow in challenge at the new teacher before putting her arm through Chuck's and leading him away. "Of course not. The only person who is allowed to mess with Blair and Chuck are Chuck and Blair!" She said furiously.

"Have I ever told you that you're hot when you're pissed off." Chuck told her huskily.

Her giggles echoed down the hallway.

"So what do you think?" Dan asked as Serena stared after them looking mildly disgusted.

"I think that Miss Reilly had better watch her back." Serena said nervously.

**~*~*~*~*~**

**Van der Woodson, Serena – Underclassed citizen**

**Cranford, Chad – Upperclassed citizen**

**Coates, Isabelle– Underclassed citizen**

**Quinton, Penelope – Underclassed citizen**

**Peck, Gregory – Underclassed citizen**

**Archibald, Nathaniel – Upperclassed citizen**

**Connelly, Mischa – Underclassed citizen**

**Yuki, Nelly – Upperclassed citizen**

**Hart, Hazel – Upperclassed citizen**

**Humphrey, Daniel – Underclassed citizen**

**Waldorf, Blair – Underclassed citizen**

**Bass, Charles – Upperclassed citizen**

**Tiphani, Michael – Underclassed citizen**

**Zapata, Howard – Upperclassed citizen**

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Mom you can't cancel my credit cards." Serena protested. "What if there's an emergency?"

"Serena I am just following instructions." Lily said tiredly. "Headmistress Queller told us specifically what to do."

"Well what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Serena coerced.

"Serena we promised." Lily said firmly. "Besides, I think this will be good for you."

"And hey, you're in the same social class as Dan now aren't you?" Eric pointed out. "You guys can still see each other."

"Sis I believe my drink is in need of replenishment," Chuck held the glass out to her smugly.

"Forget it." Serena shook her head fervently. "I don't what you're so happy about," She narrowed her eyes. "Blair's underclass, you guys can't see each other anymore."

"Please, like they are actually going to stick to that." Chuck eyed his father. "You're not, are you?"

"Actually Chuck, we are." Bart told him, a hint of apology in his voice. "Mrs Queller insists."

"So?" Chuck scowled. "How is she going to find out. Nobody will dare tell her."

"You have got to be kidding me," Blair said hollowly from the doorway, her eyes glued to her phone. "That moronic teacher set up a blog especially for the project. Anyone caught breaking the rules will be immediately broadcasted all over the internet."

"Mrs Queller also mentioned that." Bart nodded. "Apparently they got the idea from another site like it."

"I just bet they did." Blair said darkly. "Serena are you coming?"

"Yeah, let me just get my purse." Serena hurried off to her room.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked.

"Shopping," Blair told her. "The rules don't apply until tomorrow, and I am making as much use of my credit cards as possible."

Serena came back into the room with her purse in hand and ushered her friend out of the house. Everyone could clearly hear Blair muttering to herself as they walked down the hall. "Who does she think she is.... poor washer woman.... drunkard."

"Is anybody else not looking forward to the rest of the week?" Eric asked.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Alright that's enough," Headmistress Queller called as she stepped up to the podium. "Silence!"

The entirety of the joint Senior Class who took AP Sociology promptly shut up.

"Now that we are all here," She gave Serena and Dan who had shown up late and slightly flustered, a pointed glare. "I will explain the exact direction and motivations required for the project in a second, but first I would like to discuss what I feel is the most important aspect of this experiment.

In just under three months all of you will graduate, and hopefully pursue a life in the college of your choice. Up to this point most of you have had little to no responsibilities other then having fun and showing up to school everyday. When you go to college all of that will change," Headmistress Queller eyed them all sternly. "You will be expected to get to classes on time and with all of the necessary assignments for that class, no exceptions and no leniency.

"You will have to preform not only academically but sociably, your future classmates will differ in both ethnic and fiscal backgrounds and you have to prepare yourselves to work both productively and efficiently with them. And, quite honestly, I don't think that any of you are up to the task." She shrugged. "The majority of you are judgmental, pushy, self-absorbed, and selfish, to say the least."

"Don't hold back, say what you really feel." Nate muttered and Chuck grinned.

"I believe that this project will teach you all about understanding and compassion and give you some moral fiber." Headmistress Queller finished. "Now let's get down to the logistics. For the Underclassed Citizens you will be required to give up all rights to cell-phones, personal media players, television, and credit cards. You will be instructed to complete tasks throughout the four days of this project, and you _will_ do them." She said warningly. "Your parents or guardians each have a list of these tasks and will ensure their implementation."

"So glad I'm Upperclass." Hazel said smugly.

"Totally." Nelly Yuki agreed.

Blair gave them withering looks.

"As for you Upperclassmen, well, you pretty much have a free ride for the next few days. You have the power to tell your underlings what they can and cant do - _within_ _reason_, and yes Mr Bass I am looking at you - if you ask them to do something they are obligated to do it. No ifs, buts, or maybes." She looked at each of them. "In short, they own you."

There was some whoops and some groans from the students and Blair was growing even more livid by the millisecond.

"And the final stipulation," Headmistress Queller raised her voice above the noise. "You are not allowed converse in a social context with anyone of the opposite working class. If you are caught doing so you will be immediately called on to explain your reasoning and excuses for doing so. To make sure that anyone is not cheating or abusing the system we will also have a legion of anonymous spies to keep and eye on you. Any questions?"

Silence.

"No? Good." She smiled as the bell rang signaling the end of classes for that day. "All of these changes are effective immediately. Good luck."

**Day 1**

"So this isn't so bad." Serena said cheerfully, giving Blair an encouraging look.

Blair rolled her eyes but didn't argue. "I suppose. And it's not like anyone can see what Chuck and I do when we're in private or here."

"Actually Blair," Eric winced, "They can."

Blair studied him, his posture was slumped and his eyes looked guilty and slightly apprehensive. "You were chosen to be a spy weren't you." She realized with a scowl.

Eric nodded, "Totally not by choice. It was more like do or die, for someone so small that new teacher sure can be scary."

"Okay," Blair said quickly, "We can work with this. You'll just walk into a different room whenever Chuck and I are together."

He winced again.

"She's making you follow Chuck at all times." Blair said angrily.

"Okay seriously! How do you do that?" Eric asked.

"You're easy to read E." Blair patted his head absently. "You can leave now."

"Thanks... I think."

"B?" Serena asked, when she had been quiet for a while. "Hello, earth to Blair?"

"Shh, I'm thinking." Blair paced the room deep in thought. "Hang on... Where's Chuck?" She demanded.

"I think he and Nate went to the park after school." Serena said as she fixed herself a glass of juice. "Why?"

"I'm just wondering how my boyfriend can go out and get high with my ex when I am at home, _his_ home, trying to find a way that we can still see each other!" Blair said with a frustrated expression on her face.

"Uh oh." Serena groaned. "Blair I am begging you please don't say what I think you're about to say-"

"I think this could work." Blair smirked. "Chuck has been getting to complacent anyway, you know we've been together for almost a month now and he still hasn't told me he loved me?"

"I thought he said it at the dance?"

"Yeah in the heat of the moment when we were sparring. But since then it's like he's won the chase so he doesn't even need to bother anymore." Blair said quietly.

"I'm sure he wants to say it, he probably just feels awkward. You are his first real girlfriend after all." Serena consoled her.

"Yeah sure," Blair smiled brightly and fakely, "But hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder right? Let's see what four days without me can do." She felt a surge of pain in her heart as she repeated those words.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah totally!" Blair assured her. "So come on, you and Lonely Boy. I know you're dying to spill."

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Miss Blair you are doing it all wrong!" Brigitta said crossly, grabbing the iron out of Blair's hand and tutting as she inspected the big black burn in the powder blue silk shirt. "Look what you have done! This is ruined."

Blair just rolled her eyes, "Sorry Mr Bass, I promise I'll buy you a new one."

"No need Blair, I think that's Chuck shirt." He told her, attempting to conceal his smile.

Blair's eyes flashed and she grabbed the iron back out of the maids hands. "Well in that case..." She pressed the iron firmly back down on the shirt and smiled innocently at Brigitta. "You haven't happened to see his scarf lying around anywhere have you? I think it could do with a good once over." She turned up the heat and pressed down harder.

"Oh yeah you're totally cool with it." Serena giggled.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Don't worry I've helped Dan cook loads of times, I'll be fine!" Serena laughed, ushering the French maid out of the kitchen. "Go!" She insisted. "Your daughter's plane should be arriving at the airport any minute now."

"If you're sure Miss Serena." Brigitta said worriedly, hanging up her apron and putting on her jacket.

"I am, now go." Serena smiled, as the maid finally left. "Okay spaghetti goes into the pot, check. Sauce into the saucepan, check. Okay, this isn't so bad." Serena talked to herself.

_**Twenty minutes later:**_

"Um, Serena honey, is the mince supposed to be pink?" Lily asked tactfully as she examined her spaghetti.

"And the pasta is rock solid." Eric added.

"Mine has congealed into jelly," Blair wrinkled her nose in disgust and pushed her plate away.

"Ah hem," Bart cleared his throat. "I just remembered I'm running late for a meeting, Serena I'll make sure to have some later."

"Sure, sure," Serena said dryly as he left. "Well _Chuck_? Anything to add?"

He shook his head bemusedly, "There are no words..."

Lily attempted to swallow a forkful but her gag reflex kicked in and she had to spit it out again. "I can't, Serena I am sorry, but I just can't."

Serena sighed. "I already rang the pizza place. It should be here in ten."

"Oh thank God." Eric let his fork clatter down onto his plate.

"Seriously though, I don't know what went wrong. I've seen Dan and Rufus make this hundreds of times." Serena said in confusion. "I mean I followed the exact instructions..."

"S face it, regardless of a stupid project, you are Upper Class. That's what maids and cooks are for." Blair told her.

"I suppose. Hey, do you think it's cheating if I don't mention to Dan about what happened?" Serena asked.

"I can see this project is teaching you girls so much." Lily rolled her eyes before downing her glass of wine in one gulp.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Blair," Chuck called, successfully avoiding Eric and following her down the hallway. "Wait up."

"What do you want Chuck?" Blair asked.

"To see you," His voice softened considerably. "I've barely spoken to you today."

"Well maybe you should have thought of that when you were busy in the park today with Nate instead of here with me trying to figure out a way around this project." She snapped. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"You must be hungry." He said, grabbing her arm as she turned away.

"Wait, what?"

"You didn't eat at dinner." He reminded her.

"I don't like pizza." She told him defensively. "It's not my fault Serena forgot to order salad."

He looked her in the eye. "As long as that's all it is, you know you're perfect just the way you are."

Blair flushed, "I really do have to go to the toilet." She told him sincerely.

"Okay." He let go of her. "But hurry we have to leave soon, Eric's on the phone with Johnathon but he won't be distracted forever."

"Where are we going?" She asked after she had returned.

"The one place no one else can see us," He smirked mysteriously. "I already called James to bring the limo around and he's picking up your favorite sushi dish on the way."

Blair let out a disbelieving laugh. "Are you kidding me? The limo?"

"Waldorf we need to survive the next few days somehow, and no one is keeping me away from you." He said impatiently. "Right now the limo is the only place that we can be alone. Now are you coming or not?"

"I hate you you know." She informed him as they silently crept away.

He studied her sparkling eyes and her glowing face. "No you don't."

The corners of her mouth turned upwards.

**Day 2**

"Oh Penelope," Hazel trilled, "My iced-tea is in need of replenishing."

"It's. Full." Penelope ground out.

Hazel tipped it over onto the steps until all of the liquid was drained out. "Oops, now it's not."

"A little to the left," Nelly Yuki instructed, positioning herself to better appreciate the foot massage that Iz was currently giving her.

"It's official, this school has gone crazy." Serena announced as she and Blair sat on the steps eating yogurt.

"I don't know, it's kind of amusing." Blair said thoughtfully.

"Hey Queen B!" Howard Zapata cried, "I feel like a back-rub. Care to oblige?"

Blair pointed to the small sign that was positioned close to where she was sitting.

**Remember I can make your life hell for the next few months.**

**XOXO B-**

Howard glared at her before taking out his phone and snapping a picture. Seconds later Blair felt her phone vibrate and two messages popped up.

_Spotted: Queen B laying down the law. Pity she's not making the rules anymore..._

Blair rolled her eyes before clicking the second message.

_Nice try Miss Waldorf but if you don't comply to the rules I will be forced to fail you. _

Blair hissed in fury before grabbing the remainder of her lunch and picking up her sign before walking away.

"Hey where are you going?" Howard called after her.

"To find Chuck." Blair spat. "I forgot he asked me to eat lunch with him, and I can't disobey a direct order now can I?"

"......"

"You realize that you just admitted that Chuck has some level of control over you?" Serena asked, hurrying after her.

"Yes I was aware." Blair gritted her teeth. "Aren't you supposed to be meeting Humphrey for lunch?"

"Leaving now."

**~*~*~*~*~**

"Move over Archibald." Blair demanded, pushing Nate out of the way and settling down beside her boyfriend. She wrinkled her nose when she realized that said boyfriend was smoking and quickly snatched the cigarette out of his fingers and threw it to the ground before firmly quenching it with her heels.

Chuck glowered. "Hi sweetie how was your day," He said sarcastically.

Nate stifled a snicker.

Blair shot them both glares. "How long until this stupid project ends?"

"I see your sign didn't work then." Nate nodded.

"Who the hell does Zapata think he is!?" She exploded. "Has he forgotten that I can destroy him so quickly that his stupid empty head would spin?"

"What did he do?" Chuck smirked. "Ask you to tell him what day it was?"

"_No_, and besides, what he did is not the point." She said firmly. "The point is that from this point forward you two are going to pretend that you are asking me to do stuff for you, without actually making me do it. Understand?"

"Yes." Both men agreed dutifully.

"Good, now one of you go and get me a low fat frappuccino with two sugars and maybe one of those pastry things to go with it."

**Day 3**

"Miss Waldorf you know why you and Mr Bass are here so lets not play games shall we?" Headmistress Queller said warily.

"Oh?" Blair frowned and crossed her ankles innocently. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

Chuck had to retrain himself from snorting. The girl was caught with her legs wrapped around his waist, pressed against the wall of the Janitor's closet with her hair in disarray and her skirt hiked up, and she still wanted to play dumb?

"Miss Waldorf we have photos," Headmistress Queller reminded her in a pained voice. "Many, many, _many_ photos. Please do not make me get them out."

Miss Reilly looked like the cat who got the cream.

Blair's lips pursed and he could tell that her scheming mind was working overtime to try and come up with a believable excuse.

"I can see how it might look to a bystander," She admitted, "But Headmistress Queller I can assure you that what Charles and I were doing was completely innocent! I would _never_."

This time he did snort, Blair shot him a look of pure fury as he attempted to pass it off as a violent sneeze.

Headmistress Queller looked bemused. "Of course," She said delicately, "If we were to find, say, a student or two? Perhaps someone who could corroborate your story?" She nodded meaningfully as Miss Reilly let our a cry of indignation.

A slow smirk that was evil enough to rival his own, spread on the love of his life's face. "Certainly."

"Headmistress Queller, really I don't see how that could possibly help." Miss Reilly said quickly. "They were caught red handed."

Headmistress Queller gave the two seniors a small smile before walking with Miss Reilly to the far side of the room and hissing in her ear.

"Jane, dear, you're new here so perhaps I should explain. Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass are two of the most powerful and influential students at this school. Now I admit that this does not shine on them in the best light," Miss Reilly rolled her eyes, "But trust me when I say that I have gone up against them and their parents in the past and it was not the best experience I have ever had." Headmistress Queller finished just as there was a knock on the office door.

"You asked to see us, Blai- I mean Headmistress Queller?" Iz corrected quickly as Hazel elbowed her in the stomach.

"Yes, please sit down." She indicated the small sofa next to where Blair and Chuck were sitting and began to question them of their whereabouts that lunchtime.

Now that the attention was off them, Chuck's hand slowly made it's way on to Blair's knee and she patted it absently as she listened in to make sure that her minions got their stories straight. He felt Miss Reilly's eyes boring a hole in the side of his head and he had to resist the urge to smirk as he purposely let his hand wander south further up Blair's leg.

Miss Reilly let out a gasp and he quickly removed his hand and resumed his innocent expression, trying not to wince as his girlfriends nails made themselves at home on the flesh of his forearm. It was almost worth it to see the look on that prissy teacher's face. Blair dug harder. _Almost_.

**Day 4**

"Tell me, Mr. Bass, what qualities do you have that Yale would most benefit from?" Dean Barroby asked as he studied the relaxed and confident young man sitting in front of him.

"You said it yourself a few seconds ago; I am _Chuck_ _Bass_." Chuck smirked. "I have wealth, power, and unlimited resources. I think that my father's and my contributions would greatly help this fine establishment."

"I see, and your friends?"

"As you will most likely already know, Blair Waldorf is refined, _elegant_. She has class, dignity and poise, not to mention her dedication and efficiently to a worthy cause. To her, education is more then worthy." He assured him.

"Serena Van der Woodson, while not exceptionally brilliant in any academic sense, has a lightness and an easy going nature that could make anyone smile. She's a prominent socialite and has many contacts in the fashion and sorority world. Not to mention the publicity that she would bring to your college."

"And..." The Dean checked his list, "Nathaniel Archibald?"

"A good all rounder, has an interest in sports, and comes from the prestigious Vanderbilt line. He's polite and well mannered, _very_ loyal to his friends and family." Chuck told him.

The Dean nodded, "Well all four transcripts look very impressive, it appears yourself and Miss Van der Woodson took the SATs twice? With yourself scoring higher the second time around and your step-sister scoring lower?"

"Yes well, I don't know about Serena, but the SATs came at a difficult time for me, having recently moved into a new family orientated environment, I decided to go back that and make sure I reached my full potential." Chuck said. _That, and the fact that a monkey could have done better then the jerk that he had paid to take them for him the first time._ He thought with a scowl.

"Mr Bass, you seem to me to be associating yourself and your friends as a package deal, but I am curious," He closed the folders and leaned forward. "Say I was in the mood for _fish_, with no added extras or trimmings. What would that be worth?"

Chuck chose his words carefully, "A good fish is worth nothing, unless it is presented with elegance and grace, and is enhanced only by laughter and polite conversation."

The Dean smiled, "Obviously you are a very smart young man, I can see great value in giving you a place at Yale. I'll have to take it up with the board, but I'm pretty sure I can guarantee a place for at least one of your friends."

He hesitated, "There is one minor hitch though, Miss Waldorf, although seeming very committed to Yale at first, later rang me to offer up her place to a... Mr Humphrey? Do you know why?"

"Excuse me?" Chuck asked disbelievingly, "Blair would never."

"Well I can assure you that she did, I answered the call myself."

"I am not aware of any such incident," Chuck said finally, "But I can assure you that Blair Waldorf has the utmost dedication to Yale. More so then anyone I've ever met."

"Well I will certainly be in touch."

**~*~*~*~*~**

"So B, where's Chuck today?" Penelope asked slyly, as she grudgingly opened Hazel's yogurt for her.

"He had a meeting," Blair said, licking her spoon. "I'm meeting him for dinner later tonight."

"No bodyguard today Queen B?" Howard Zapata and his fellow cronies towered over them blocking out their light. "Pity."

"I don't need a bodyguard." Blair told him sweetly. "And what makes you think that I don't have one?"

"Bass hasn't been in any of his classes all day and we just saw Archibald walking Jenny Humphrey to the subway station." _Shit_.

"What do you want Zapata?" Blair asked.

"A drink." He said, sitting down and making himself comfortable. "Water will do, it's getting a little hot out here."

Blair sighed but got to her feet and did as was told, much to the shock of everyone, including Howard. "Uh... Good girl!"

Blair came back and stood over him with a small smile on her dainty blood-red lips. "Well let me cool you down then." She smiled wider before tipping the ice cold water down on top of his head and making sure that it ran all the way down his shirt. "Anything else?" She asked sweetly.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"I don't get it." Dan sighed frustratedly as he and Serena watched the scene unfurl. "How is it that Blair Waldorf can have the status of a lowly church mouse and still manage to get away with stuff like that, whereas I have been running errands for those jerks all week."

"Well Blair's a bitch." Serena said plainly, not at all surprised. "They know what she can and can't do. Also it helps that she has two guys that would do anything to help her if things got out of hand. Three, if you count Eric."

"I just don't understand how people like you Nate and Eric can be friends with people like Blair and Chuck." Dan shook his head.

"Dan, you don't know them." Serena told him firmly. "All you see is what they show everyone else. You've seen it for yourself, Blair can be a human being sometimes. And even you have to agree that so far Blair and Chuck happy and together is better then Blair and Chuck miserable and apart."

"I guess." Dan frowned as his phone bleeped and he got a message.

_We have 2 talk. Meet me at the Palace Bar at 6:20pm. Don't B late and DONT tell Serena – CB_

"Who was that?" Serena asked, attempting to peer over his shoulder.

"No one." Dan told her quickly. "But hey listen I'd better go if I want to talk to Mr Johnston before class. See you later?"

"Yeah, sure." Serena said confusedly as her boyfriend hurried off.

**~*~*~*~*~**

"You asked to see me?" Dan frowned as he approached the lone figure at the bar. "Wait, no, that sounds like something out of a mafia movie and we both know I'm not scared of you so -"

"Stop talking," Chuck said stonily, swiveling around in his chair and giving him a withering glare. "And sit down. This won't take long."

"Okay." Dan said. "So what's this all about."

"You tell me." Chuck turned to face him. "Why don't you tell me why when I was speaking to Dean Barroby earlier, he told me that Blair had given up her place at Yale and recommended that you take it instead?"

"Oh, well that's kind of a long story-"

"You have thirty seconds."

"Of course I do." Dan sighed. "Well you know that story I wrote about you, the one about Charlie Trout. Blair heard about it and came to make sure that it never got printed. She traded her guaranteed place at Yale-"

"For the story and all rights to it." Chuck finished for him. "Why?"

"I think you know why. She loves you, God knows for what reason, she didn't want you to get hurt like that. And she wasn't really taking much of a risk anyway," Dan said thoughtfully, "With her grades and her parents money she was always going to get in anyway."

"Money isn't everything." Chuck said quietly. "You're done."

"What- What do you mean?"

"You are done messing about in my life." Chuck told him, keeping his voice at a hushed tone. "I let you mess with my sister, my best friend, my relationships, and even my father. But not Blair. Never Blair. From now on you stay away from me, and if you know what's good for you, Blair."

"Chuck we're bound to see each other, much as I wish it wasn't, it's inevitable. I'm dating your step-sister."

"For now. We both know that you two won't last." Chuck downed the rest of his scotch and stood up. "Just watch your back Humphrey. I'm getting bored of having to mess with Brooklyn nobodies."

**~*~*~*~*~**

"You know that you are very nearly close to being late." Blair's annoyed voice called from where she was standing at the top of the stairs of the newly refurbished Waldorf penthouse.

"You look beautiful." Chuck told her sincerely, taking her hands in his as she reached the bottom.

"What's gotten into you?" Blair asked with a coy smile on her face. "You're being nice. It's weird."

"Nothing," He smiled, an actual smile instead of a smirk. "Come on, the limo is waiting."

"Has anyone ever told you you're bipolar?" Blair laughed. "I talked to you on the phone like an hour ago and you were in a pissy mood."

He laughed with her, "I do love you, you know." He said almost to himself.

Blair beamed but kept her cool. "Well I kind of figured." She teased. "And you already know that I love you so don't even start with the faux hurt."

"I wasn't planning on it. Now are you going to come with me or not? Because I could always find someone else to pursue certain activities with me in the limo on the way..." He winked.

Blair gasped and slapped him gently on the arm. "Definitely bipolar." She muttered.


	11. Much Ado About Nothing

**Disclaimer: Don't own**

**A/N: Okay, I know I'm terrible. It's been months and still no update, but I promise you that it is not for lack of trying. I had several different idea's for this chapter, but every time that I began to write a new episode would air and force me to change my mind. I'm going to try and keep these new chapters more regular though, no matter what new hurdles the writers give us. Also I am fully aware that this is most definitely NOT my best work, but I've been hesitating in posting this for days and after countless re-writes and changes I'm just gonna say to heck with it and post. I promise that the next one will definitely be an improvement. So, on with the story!**

******IMPORTANT: 'Kay so without giving too much away, this is basically a re-doing of the play episode without the whole Yale and Dan/Miss Carr thing. I've decided to use my favorite Shakespearean play 'Much Ado About Nothing' because it totally relates to Chuck and Blair as Beatrice and Benedick and also because I just love it. If you're familiar with the play or even the general outline then I think that you'll be okay in understanding this, but if not I STRONGLY suggest looking it up on Wikipedia and getting just a summery of what happens. Hope you enjoy... **

"I... I'm just not feeling this Claudio guy," Nate said frustratedly.

"What do you mean Nate." Director Julian asked impatiently. "What don't you _feel_?"

"Well for a start he says he's completely in love with Hero, but yet he's willing to believe that she's unfaithful without even talking to her? I mean what's up with that?" Nate complained.

"Yeah, you know I agree." Serena piped up. "My character doesn't even have a backbone, I mean Claudio, Hero's future _husband_, the man who's supposed to love her unconditionally, humiliates her and accuses her of sleeping around in front of everybody they know... And she just faints? Seriously?"

"At least your character is proved innocent," Penelope pointed out. "Margaret just stays some dopey slut."

Hazel snorted. "You'll be perfect on opening night then."

Penelope focused her glare on her, "My character may be a whore, but at least she's female. Unlike you, _Balthasar_."

"Enough!" Julian yelled finally, pinching the bridge of his nose with his finger and his thumb. "Everybody just be quiet, and listen. This play opens in two days. We have to be ready in two days."

"Good luck with that," Blair scoffed, sharing a superior smirk with Chuck at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

"We _will_ be ready in two days." Julian corrected, glaring at each of them. "I will not let a bunch of unruly high-school students mess screw up my reputation as a renowned director of the arts. Now, I am going to go around to each of you, and discuss briefly whatever troubles you are having relating to your characters. Alright?"

He received mute nods in reply. "Serena, let's start with you."

"I just feel that there should be more to Hero, you know? I mean she's like this timid little mouse, crying over the unjustness of Claudio's accusations, but then the second he looks past his own arrogance and self-propriety to realize that he was wrong she jumps at the chance to marry him like all is forgiven." Serena said.

"But you must understand, those were different times. Back in Shakespearean times there was no question of who was the dominating presence in any marriage; wives, according to the customs of the time, were duty bound to serve their husbands bidding. Hence the whole problem of Beatrice and Benedick." Julian explained.

"I guess I just don't get how she can just look past all he had accused her of and forget that it ever happened. He and her father literally killed off her entire entity, replaced her with a fake name and title, and she goes along with it? Without any complaint? I mean Beatrice is like the only one who believes without a doubt in Hero's virtue, even going so far as to make Benedick challenge one of his closest friends to a _duel_ in order to proclaim her cousin's honor. Shouldn't Hero have been spurred on by Beatrice's fire and self assurance?"

"Serena, let me be frank." Julian sighed, "This is a high school drama, not Broadway. There will be no talent scouts in the audience waiting to snap you up, much as I would like there to be. Your job, is to go on stage and recite some lines, take a bow, and have your parents write me a check. It's that simple."

"I hardly think that's a good example to set for your students," Serena folded her arms across her chest disapprovingly.

"Okay fine, you want some advice? Then listen up, Hero is a shallow, delicate little society princess who obeys her father without complaint and keeps her tongue in check. Now how about you practice that while I attempt to pry my Beatrice and Benedick away from the others lips."

Serena let out a huff of indignation and stormed off to find her boyfriend in the hope that he could explain the play to her.

*********

"I just don't get it!" Serena exploded, laying her head back against the seat of the chair that she was leaning up against and flinging the script down to the ground.

"What don't you get darling?" Lily asked helpfully, "I studied Shakespeare in college, maybe I can help."

Serena explained to her the difficulty she was having in relating to her character.

"What is there to get?" Blair rolled her eyes. "All you have to do is stand there and look pretty. Shouldn't be too hard for you."

Chuck and Nate snickered as Serena glowered at her best friend. "Not helping B."

Bart entered the room and he looked faintly surprised to see the congregation of teenagers sitting with his wife. His gaze narrowed in on his son who had a faint look of annoyance on his face. "Aren't you two supposed to be going out tonight?"

Chuck and Blair both made faces. "Director Julian asked us to help Serena and Nate run lines and get into character." Blair explained.

"Why you two?" Bart asked, sitting down next to Lily.

"Because Blair here was stupid enough to boast that we had our lines already committed to heart." Chuck said bitterly.

"It's not exactly hard for you two," Nate complained. "All you have to do is argue with each other and make some great proclamations of hatred and love... You do that on a daily basis."

Serena giggled as Blair and Chuck rolled their eyes in perfect synchronization.

"Come on, let's get this over with." Blair sighed. "Let's start with Act 5, scene 4."

"We need someone to play Don Pedro, and Friar Francis. And Leonato." Serena looked at her mother and step-father pointedly.

Bart sighed, "Who has the least amount of lines?"

Nate scanned the text quickly, and highlighted Bart's lines for him. "Friar Francis."

Bart signaled for Nate to hand him a copy of the script.

"Nate, start from 'Which is the lady I must seize upon'." Blair instructed, leaning back against the sofa.

"Which is the lady I must seize upon?" Nate recited dutifully.

"This same is she, and I do give you her." Bart read.

_**Twenty minutes later...**_

"And so they dance and live happily ever after, blah, blah, blah..." Chuck said boredly, "We done now?"

Serena groaned, "I still keep messing up my lines."

"Hero says very little all through the play S, how are you still stuck?" Blair asked wearily.

"Sis, you should just be grateful that you don't have to learn as many speeches as I do," Chuck drawled.

"Charles you do have added help," Bart reminded him.

"Yes, thank you." Serena exclaimed. "Blair's like a genius at this stuff, I bet she's been making you run lines with her for weeks."

"Oh she has," Blair assured her, "But that's not what he's talking about."

"Chuck has a photographic memory, remember?" Nate told her.

"Semi-photographic," Chuck corrected smugly. "I don't retain _all_ of what I see, but the little I do learn does come in handy sometimes."

"Wait, how did I not know this?" Serena asked in disbelief. "And better still, how the hell are you failing every subject?!"

"I often wonder that too," Bart muttered under his breath, Lily patted his knee comfortingly.

"While I admit that my aptitude for soaking in knowledge may be greater then most others, the fact still remains that in order to remember facts and details, I still have to read them at least once." Chuck explained.

"And therein lies the problem." Nate chuckled. "He's never opened a book to study in his life."

"We open tomorrow night. We only have one more practice session, what if we mess up?" Serena asked fearfully.

"Yeah, I mean I still don't get how Claudio proclaims to love Hero, when really he's only marrying her to keep in Leonato and Don Pedro's good books. Their entire relationship is built on keeping people happy." Nate shook his head. "How the hell am I supposed to relate to that?"

Blair glared daggers at him while Chuck choked on his scotch.

"Really Nathaniel? Perhaps a certain Vanderbilt diamond would refresh your memory." Chuck smirked.

Nate paled.

"Who's hungry?" Serena changed the subject brightly. "Why don't we all go out tonight?"

"Serena you have school tomorrow." Lily reminded her.

"Not really, tomorrow is all about setting up stuff for the play. Please Mom? I promise we won't be too late. Thank you!" Serena planted a kiss on her mother's forehead before ushering her friends out of the door.

"Serena I never agreed to this," Lily called after her, "Serena!"

"You know Eric is staying at Jenny's tonight." Bart said thoughtfully.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You want to tag along?"

"Serena!" They both yelled.

*********

"Well I must say that this was a wonderful idea." Lily complimented as Bart passed her another drink

"Yes, it really was." Bart agreed. "This place cleans up well."

Blair looked around at the familiar faces and strobe lighting of Victrola, but with considerably more clothing and less lucrative dancers. "I kind of prefer it the way it was before."

"Of course you do." Serena rolled her eyes.

"Hey is that Jack at the bar? I thought he'd left town." Nate asked, peering through the thick crowd of people. "And who's that girl with him?"

Chuck and Blair followed his gaze and were shocked at what they saw.

"Is that...?" Chuck snickered.

"EMMA!" Blair shrieked, jumping up from the table and rushing over to where the two in question were flirting. "Emma is that you?"

"Blair?" Emma giggled, attempting to smooth down her very promiscuous dress. "Blair Waldorf? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Blair snapped, grabbing her hand and pushing her drink out of reach. "Hands off Jackass she's fifteen."

"Sixteen actually," Emma hiccuped, allowing Blair to lead her away. "My birthday was a few days ago."

"Well bully for you." Blair snarked, making her sit beside Chuck in the booth that the Van der Bass' were occupying. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Uh?" Emma looked around nervously at the many eyes that were fixed on her. "Having fun?"

"Wrong answer," Blair snapped, "Try again."

Emma looked close to tears. "Well I just found out that my so-called best friend – you guys remember Muffy – slept with my boyfriend! Before me!"

Serena and Nate had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Of course she did," Chuck rolled his eyes. "Anybody else feeling deja-vu?"

"Excuse me?" Blair narrowed her eyes.

"Best-friend sleeps with boyfriend, check." Chuck listed.

"Girl dumps boyfriend, eventually, and runs off to Victrola, check." Chuck struggled not to laugh at the murderous glint that was in his girlfriend's eyes. "Girl hits on Bass, _check_."

"Girl _strangles_ Bass," Blair said through gritted teeth. "Soon to be checked."

Bart cleared his throat awkwardly.

"So... Emma are you feeling calmer?" Lily asked caringly.

"After this I will be," Emma downed the rest of Blair's drink in one. "Feeling calmer already. Oh and did I mention I found out that my Mom is having an affair?" She giggled humorlessly as she moved onto Serena's drink.

"Nate fix her," Serena hissed quietly.

"Why me?" Nate protested.

"Well you like the infantile types." Chuck smirked. "Isn't she the same age as Little Brooklyn?"

"Son of a -" Blair swore, "Jack would you please stop groping her!" Blair looked at Bart imploringly.

"Jack leave her alone." Bart ordered tiredly. "She's underage."

"But ever so interested." Jack winked. "Besides, I'm already on a 'look but don't touch' basis with these three," He indicated Lily, Serena, and Blair, "The least you can do is give me mini-Blair."

"That's it. We're leaving." Blair decided, "Emma, come."

Emma tilted her head to the side as if considering it. "Thanks for the offer, but I'd really rather not." With that Emma hopped up from the seat and skipped off into the crowd.

"Emma!" Blair yelled after her. "Come back here right now!"

"Not again," Serena groaned, getting to her feet and standing next to Blair. "I assume we're going to go find her."

"Stupid, annoying little brat." Blair muttered under her breath, craning her neck to see through the crowd. "I swear if I end up at some guy's apartment again..."

Blair turned to look beseeching at her boyfriend who shook his head. "No. I am not going on another wild goose chase Waldorf. No way."

Blair glared at him. "Fine. If you won't come with me then make yourself useful and dig up some dirt on this boyfriend and on Muffy. I want both of them ruined by the time I get back. Archibald come with me." Blair grabbed Nate's hand and dragged him away.

Serena came up behind Chuck and said with a smirk, "The hand thing is bugging you isn't it?"

"Shut up." Chuck muttered as he took out his phone and rang his PI.

*********

"Jack what are you doing back in town?" Bart asked warily.

"Business," Jack shrugged, "I'm only just back, I was going to call but I figured I'd-"

"Seduce high school students instead?" Lily said disapprovingly.

"-wait until the morning." Jack finished, throwing Lily a charming smile. He nodded to Chuck, "Who's he calling."

"His PI." Serena sighed, "Blair's demanding that they destroy whoever hurt Emma. I actually feel sorry for whoever they are, they don't deserve whatever those two will cook up."

"Well surely it can't be worse then what they did to you." Lily told her.

Serena scoffed. "Mom I hate to break it to you but embarrassing me in front of every Ivy league college is mild for Chuck and Blair."

"Chuck has a PI?" Bart seemed overwhelmed by the idea. "He's only eighteen. I didn't hire my first one until I was twenty-five."

Lily laughed, "That's supposed to be your idea of a good example?"

*********

"Serena, hey, there you are. I've been trying to call you all morning. Where have you been?" Dan frowned. "We were supposed to run through our lines together. You said that you could use the extra help?"

"Yes, I did, I do... need extra help I mean." Serena shook her head, "Sorry, I'm just a little lightheaded. I got barely any sleep last night."

"How come?" Dan asked, "And who's that over there with Blair and Jenny?"

"She is the cause of my lightheadedness." Serena sighed, "I need coffee, I'll explain on the way."

*******

"Emma here is going to be your helper for the day," Blair told Jenny, she turned a stern glare at Emma. "Aren't you?"

"Yes," Emma replied morosely.

"Well I suppose I could use an assistant..." Jenny said hesitantly, "I guess you could start by putting these dresses back in the store room?" She handed Emma several garments and pointing her in the right direction.

Emma sighed, "Happy to help."

"Blair what's going on?" Jenny asked the second she had gone. "And why do you look so tired?"

"Emma decided to go wild and Nate, Chuck, Serena and I spent all night tracking her down." Blair yawned. "I don't look that bad do I."

"You keep yawning in my face." Jenny told her. "C'mon. Let's go get you some coffee."

Blair was to tired to put up much of a fight and so she went with the younger blonde.

*******

"Nate I need humor, not anger." Julian urged Nate as he, Dan and Chuck practiced one of their scenes. "Claudio and Don Pedro are mocking Benedick, you think his challenge of a duel is comical. For goodness sake you compare him to an ape!"

"But why isn't he mad? I mean one of his closest friends has just told him that he considers him to be a murderer." Nate asked.

"But Benedick doesn't truly believe that," Dan interjected. "He's only challenging him because he knows that he'll lose Beatrice if he doesn't."

"Then shouldn't he be angry that his friend is siding with his girlfriend instead of him?" Nate pointed out, "You know, 'bros before hoes'."

Julian let out an incredulous whimper. "Bros before hoes," he whispered. "Bros before.... _hoes_. You just called Beatrice, one of Shakespeare's greatest female protagonists, a hoe." He flung his hands into the air and walked away dramatically, still muttering under his breath as he went.

"I think you broke him," Dan remarked as Chuck shook with silent laughter.

"What did I say?" Nate asked in confusion.

*******

"Blair, you don't quite need to be as theatrical about it." Julian winced. "You're having a revelation about how people perceive you as a person, coupled with conflicting emotions for Benedick, not having a seizure."

Blair looked offended. "If you didn't want me to put my own spin on Beatrice's character then _why_ would you appoint me as her?"

"I wasn't aware that I had much of a choice," Julian said dryly. "Your intercepting me the second that I stepped foot inside the building and demanding that I give you lead female didn't leave much room for negotiation.

Blair flushed and sniffed haughtily.

*******

"Charles please try and stick to the lines." Julian asked, once again pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're attempting to insult Beatrice, not woo _Blair_."

Blair smirked.

"And Blair do you think you could hold back a little on the insults? I asked for passion and pent up emotions, not cattiness and spite."

This time it was Chuck who smirked.

*******

"Nelly you are meant to say 'senseless' not 'sensible'. And Dogberry is supposed to confuse 'odorous' with 'odious'."

"But then the lines make no sense," Nelly complained, "I refuse to butcher my sentences by using so many malapropisms."

"But you're supposed to!"

*******

"Hero, you're supposed to take Claudio's hand right about now."

Nate waited as Serena crossed her arms across her chest defiantly. "I haven't heard any apology yet."

"Apology for what?" Julian sighed impatiently.

"For slandering my good name in front of everyone I know." Serena said stiffly. "I expected better of you Nate Archibald." She slapped his cheek before angrily storming off.

Nate raised his hand to his cheek in bewilderment. "But I didn't do anything."

*********

"All this over a stupid wedding." Chuck shook his head in amusement as he and Blair watched Julian 'direct' the last of the rehearsal. "I'm never getting married."

Blair nodded absently before freezing, "Whoa, wait, what was that last part?"

"I was just saying that all the drama in this stupid play is caused by one wedding. If Hero and Claudio had married before the war then none of this would have happened. Beatrice and Benedick would have eventually gotten married, sure, but the whole deception thing is ridiculous. It's not even a very good scheme." Chuck shrugged.

"No, no," Blair said tensely, "After that. The part about not marrying?"

Chuck's eyes narrowed. "I was just stating a fact. Why?"

"Now when you say fact," Blair brushed some stray lint off of his suit. "I say exaggeration. Right?"

"Waldorf what are you getting at?"

"You're inability to commit!" Blair snapped.

"..."

"I mean God Chuck, I know that we've only just started dating officially, but surely now you've gotten over yourself and admitted that you wouldn't be able to live without my loving presence in your life, you've reconsidered your prior plane."

Chuck scoffed, "Loving presence? More like annoying presence."

Blair opened her mouth to yell at him but Julian called them just in time.

"This isn't over Basshole." She hissed.

*******

"Blair, that's your cue." Julian prompted.

"Soft and fair, Friar — Which is Beatrice?" Chuck repeated.

"I answer to that name. What is your will?" Blair replied coldly as she pulled off her mask.

"Is there a problem?" Julian asked as he noticed that his two leads looked ready to kill each other.

"Yes actually, I was just wondering why my character actually likes this guy," Blair said, glaring at her soon-to-be-_ex_ boyfriend.

"Well... he's handsome." Julian ventured wearily.

Blair scoffed, "I think my character is a little less shallow then to like someone based off of looks alone. I need more then just 'handsome'."

Chuck narrowed his eyes, "Here's an idea. Maybe you like him because it says so in the script."

"Once again, Charles, I need just a little more to go on then that." Blair informed him sweetly.

"What I want to know is why my character likes someone who the script clearly states as a bitch." Chuck countered.

"It does not say that in the script," Blair said angrily.

"Really? Well it does in mine." Chuck said informed her.

"Thank God we're not doing the Taming of the Shrew," Serena muttered to Dan. "I think she might have actually killed him."

*******

"Everybody gather around," Julian called some hours later. "Now, the curtain opens in ten minutes so I want everyone ready and in their places in five. I mean it guys, there is a critic out there who had better give me a stellar review or else I might possibly kill you all. Do you understand that Mr and Mrs Idiot?" He glared daggers at Serena and Nate, "Or would you like me to analyze it for you word for word?"

"This is the thanks we get for trying to learn?" Serena muttered.

Nate rubbed his cheek while glowering at her, "Tell me about it."

"Hey Serena," Dan rushed up to his girlfriend and smiled. "You ready to go on?"

Serena nodded brightly, "Uh huh."

"Great, so I guess I'll see you on stage?" Dan laughed.

"I guess you will." Serena replied as he gave her a quick kiss before rushing off.

"Do you know if Blair and Chuck have made up yet?" Nate asked her.

Serena winced, "Judging by the sounds coming from the storeroom as I passed, I'd definitely say that they made progress."

*****  
**

"Chuck stop, we're on in five minutes," Blair said breathlessly as Chuck kissed his way down her neck. "And I'm still mad at you." She added as an afterthought.

Chuck groaned, "What for now?"

"You said that you didn't ever want to get married." Blair reminded him. "Not the best thing to say to a girl who's had her dream wedding planned since she was five years old."

Chuck raised his eyebrows, "You mean your wedding to Nate?"

"No, actually. I've changed some of the details around to go with the change in groom." Blair told him.

"Such as," he pressed.

"Why should I tell you if you're obviously so dead-against the idea." Blair huffed.

"Waldorf," Chuck said patiently. "This time two years ago I was adamant that I would never fall in love, least of all with my best friend's bitchy, uptight, pain-in-the-ass girlfriend, but it happened. I was equally as adamant that I would never think of girls as anything more then conquests, love anyone more then I love myself, or that I would continuously choose you over Nate, but that also happened. So if you could do all that over the space of a year and a half, why the fuck are you worried about something that you have the rest of our lives to change my mind about?"

Blair was stunned speechless. "I... I think that was actually romantic." She stuttered eventually.

Chuck smirked, "Why thank you. Now, are you going to stand in this room all day or are you going to follow me out so that we can get this whole debacle over with?"

Blair just nodded and took his hand as he led her away.

They were halfway to the stage area when Blair finally overcome some of her shock. "A white limousine."

"What?" Chuck asked confusedly.

"Instead of the horse and carriage," Blair told him with a small smile. "We were going to have a limo. And the reception was going to be held at Victrola."

Chuck ducked his head and turned away but she could still see the wide smile – smile, not smirk – gracing his features.

"Come on then, hurry up, we don't want to miss the start." Blair ushered him along, upon glancing at her watch.

*******

"That guy is really starting to get on my nerves," Nate said as he and Chuck watched Julian sitting in the front row and whispering to the critic about his success with the play. "It's only the first act and already he's boasting about what a flawless triumph this stupid play is."

Chuck smirked wickedly, "Nathaniel I do believe that you have given me an idea."

Nate narrowed his eyes, "I know that look, what are you planning?"

"All in due time," Chuck still had a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Just recite you lines as normal until I give the sign and then just follow my lead."

"You realize that this play is for extra credit?" Nate pointed out. "Blair and Serena are going to kill you if you mess it up."

"They'll get over it... they always do."

"Can the world buy such a jewel?" Nate recited a few minutes later.

Chuck clapped him on the back, "Why of course you can buy a jewel, you're rich, you can buy whatever the hell you like. Tell you what, I'll even buy you a matching case."

Nate's eyes widened and he paused for a second before saying the next line; "In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on."

Chuck scoffed loudly, "Oh please, I'm young enough to still see without glasses and I can honestly tell you that I see none of what you claim to. Personally I find that her cousin Beatrice is far hotter then she is." Chuck mused. "If it wasn't for her nasty temper I'd probably do her myself..."

Nate clearly heard a gasp from backstage and he could see Julian having heart palpitations in the audience. Making a spur of the moment decision... "Dude, seriously, even if I had vowed never to get married I'd still reconsider if it meant that I got Hero every night. She's smokin'."

Chuck sighed dramatically, "Honestly, is every man here really idiotic enough to take a wife? I swear, I'll be the only bachelor left in the world but at least I'll know that I've never let a woman play me like a fool. Go on then, marry her if you must, but don't come crying to me when your kid looks more like the stable-boy then he does you."

A few laughs were heard from the audience as Dan stepped on stage again.

"Oh look, here's Humpty-Dumpty back again to criticize us on our acting skills." Chuck cheerfully. "What's up Don Pedro."

"What secret hath held you here that you followed not to Leonato's?" Dan/Don Pedro asked, he leaned in close to Chuck and Nate and whispered. "Blair says to tell you that if you don't knock it off she'll rip both your heads off and feed them to her cat!"

Chuck just rolled his eyes, "Dear Claudio here is determined to marry Hero, you know, Leonato's slutty daughter?"

"So much for keeping it a secret," Nate hissed.

"What? You want me to make a pinky-swear next time? Cross my heart and hope to die? Stick a needle in my eye?" Chuck drawled.

*******

The play continued like that for the remainder of the night, with Nate and Chuck improvising on their lines and the audience roaring with laughter. Blair and Serena joined in on the fun on occasion, and Chuck and Blair even added an extra make-out scene that was most definitely not in the script. Penelope took to calling Howard Zippata who was playing Borachio, 'Romeo' in the bedroom-window scene instead, Nelly Yuki's sentences as Dogberry were flawless, and Chad Cranford who was playing Leonato took to giggling every time a comment was made on his daughter's virtue. Dan even gave up his role as Don Pedro long enough to curse every one of them for destroying Shakespeare's play and storming off stage in a fit of rage before meekly being dragged back on by his sister who stopped long enough to give Nate a peck on the cheek.

Emma even made a cameo as she rushed on stage to throw her arms around Chuck and Blair while yelling something about 'drug charges', and 'payback' and 'ex-boyfriends' and 'lacrosse-titutes'.

"How dead are we when this curtain goes back down again," Serena asked nervously as they took their final bows.

"Headmistress Queller did not look happy," Nate murmured back in reply.

"I think my mother went into cardiac arrest when you practically molested me in the middle of my sentence that time." Blair said through gritted teeth as she smiled and waved.

"I forgot that we were acting," Chuck said defensively. "Kissing you is usually what I do to shut you up."

"Remember what I said about the white limo?" Blair asked as the curtain closed and they heard footsteps in the corridor. "We'd better change it to black. White would clash against the cream colored roses that I plan on having at my funeral, and if this goes the way I think it's going too, then we both know which will come first."

"If I survive long enough I'll be sure to send the memo to Bart's secretary." Chuck said, clasping her hand in his own and gulping as the door opened.

**R&R**


End file.

Gossip Girl, Humor