Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

**Diary of a Toerag**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Marauders, Hogwarts, Lily Evans, or any other thing you recognize.

A/N: Um Hi! First story. Please help with comments or suggestions. The idea came to me while in front of the computer reading other fan fiction. If you recodnize anything then it's not mine. Gold stars to all the brilliant authors out there keeping me entertained hours of the day.

**Chapter 1**

_Date: Uh somewhere in October I think._

_Time: __**Three in the bleedin' morning..**__ Sod off Padfoot._

_Place:__Second bed from the door. Dorm second from the top. Gryffindor Tower. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Northern Scotland (I think). Northern Hemisphere. Planet Earth. Somewhere in the Milky Way.__ (Yes, thank you Moony)_

_Lily. Lily Evans. Lily Potter. Lily Evans Potter. Wife of James Potter. LE loves JP. JP loves LP. Lil..._

_**Prongs is an idiot. An obsessed idiot.**_

_Bad Padfoot stealing Prongs' diary._

_Lily Evans Potter._

_I never actually realised how beautiful she was until that moment. I mean I've always _liked_ Evans, but she was never more than just another beautiful girl in the school until that day._

_Oh what a wonderful day! Oh what a..._

_Oh ow!_

_Padfoot and Moony threw shoes at me. Oh my poor head. I don't sing that bad, do I? OH! maybe if Evans sees the bump on my head she'll feel sorry for and she'll agree to go with me to Hogsmeade. And then I can charm her and she'll go steady and then marry me and we'll have lots of Pronglets running around. GREAT IDEA!!_

_Date: Still somewhere in October._

_Time: Bloody Ungodly Hour. (as Evans put it)_

_Place: Second bed from the door. Dorm second from the top. Gryffindor Tow... Oh sod it, I'm in my bed in my dorm with Padfoot and Moony sniggering at me from their repsective beds. Wormtail (traitor) has slept through it all. And I call them my friends. (Note: find new friends.)_

_Maybe I should've listened to Moony. Waking up Evans at three in the morning just to get sympathy for a tiny bump on my inflated head, which won't be bloody visible in the morning, wasn't a very good idea. I now have a __**bloody**__ bump on my head, where Evans demonstrated exactly the art of trowing shoes at someone. I do not wish to incur further wrath at my poor abused head by waking up Madam Pomfrey by waking her up at an ungodly hour. (Ha ha, Mom's elocution lessons are actually good for something, even if it is to recite poems to my dear sweet Lily)._

_And now I shall depart the land of the conscious and rest in the arms of Morpheus until the dream of my sweet Lily turns into horrible nightmares where-_

_Date: the morning of the day still somewhere in October._

_Time:i don't bloody CARE!!!_

_Place:Top of the Astronomy Tower._

_Padfoot and Moony are no longer my friends. First they threw shoes at me then they laughed at me after Evans threw shoes at me, and then they interrupted my Lily dreams, and then they woke me up with cold water this morning to go to Quiddtich practice. Bloody wankers._

_I cancelled Quidditch, for I am the captain._

_Oh, brilliant idea!!_

_I, as the captain of the best team in the WORLD, can utilise my team in convincing Evans to go out with me. I am a genius. I deserve an Oder of Merlin 3rd class._

_Oh no, looks like my non-friends managed to find me._

_Date:After Hallowe'en_

_Time:Transfiguration first period._

_Place Transfiguration Classroom._

_Moony and Padfoot think that I have become more obsessed with the diary that with Evans. Bloody ridiculous if you ask me. I stilll ask Evans out ...almost as often as I write. _

_I am keeping this diary to express my innermost feelings (on Moony's suggestion after that incident with Snape after OWL's) and to find out what makes me an arrogant, bullying toerag. Is it working?_

_I asked Moony and Padfoot the question. Padfoot laughed and Moony muttered something like, "you have to figure it out for yourself."_

_I am going to adopt the Prewitt brothers as my new best friends._

_Date:a week after Hallowe'en_

_Time:After lunch_

_Place:Common room_

_Gideon and Fabian didn't want to be adopted._

_Date:Before Christmas_

_Time:The bloody moon is up okay!_

_Place:Hell_

_He touched her! I'm going to rip him into shreds, into tiny little pieces that not even tiny little spiders will be able to find him. _

_She is mine. MINE!!!_

_Okay I'm calm now. Sort of. NOT EVEN BLOODY CLOSE!!!_

_Breathe in._

_Out._

_Breathe in._

_Out._

_Drip. _

_What... no ...I can't be ... I'm not crying. I'm NOT._

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Oh it's raining._

_Date:The next day_

_Place:My bed_

_Time:Late night_

_So I realised that the last entry didn't make any sense whatsoever._

_Evans has a boyfriend. And guess what. IT'S NOT __**ME**_

_**Note to Prongs' diary: Prongs is currently on the floor of the dorm beating up a pillow pretending that it's Evans' boyfriend. Prongs' current obsession is moving into the ranks of worrying. Medical intervention may be needed. See Padfoot's diary for information about obsession.**_

_**Padfoot shouldn't be writing in Prongs' diary.**_

_**Sod off Wormtail.**_

_Sod off both of you. What did they write? Arghh, damn them it won't come out._

A/N: More? Yes. No. Let me know please.


	2. Chapter 2

**Diary of a Toerag**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Marauders, Hogwarts, Lily Evans, or any other thing/person/place you recognize.

A/N: Um Hi! First story. Please help with comments or suggestions. The idea came to me while in front of the computer reading other fan fiction. If you recognize anything then it's not mine. Gold stars to all the brilliant authors out there keeping me entertained hours of the day.

**Chapter 2**

_Date:Christmas Day_

_Place:Potter Manor_

_Time:After Lunch_

_I couldn't eat today. And I know exactly why. I have been thinking about Evans, my sweet Lily, cuddling up with that Ravenclaw she's dating. C'mon who in their sane minds would date a bloody Ravenclaw? Don't they just sit and study all day?_

_Bashing diary against head whilst repeating "stop thinking about Lily Evans", doesn't work. Don't try it again._

_Next subject: Got a pretty good haul for Christmas this year, chocolates from Remus, Zonko stuff from Sirius, a picture of myself from Wormtail (weird!), and new broom from my parents. The old one will probably go to the school broom cupboard. _

_-Ha ha. See, I can think about other things besides Lily-_

_We, the Marauders, left a present for Filch in the broom cupboard on the second floor. Pity we can't be there to see it. Then Evans can shout at me for being... damn I'm doing it again._

_Arghh!!_

_Date:should be about 2nd or 3rd of January_

_Place:Hogwarts_

_Time:afternoonish_

_How is it possible that one person can take over one's thought processes so completely. It's incredible. When I wake up in the mornings, I think of her. When I eat breakfast I think of her. She sits at the kitchen table of our house, while I am busy making her favourite, blueberry flapjacks with honey and a pot of tea, followed by a slice of toast with butter and one sausage. _

_Darn, time for class. (Evans would be proud. I'm cleaning up)._

_Date: **Same as above**_

_Place:**hiding where Prongs can't find me**_

_Time:**Umm, late**_

_**As the best friend, it is my duty to check up on the sanity of my best friend, by reading his every thought and desire from the diary. Findings conclude: best friend is in love with one named Lily Evans, and if said best friend has his way, Mrs. Lily Potter. You know it actually has a nice ring to it, Lily Potter. **_

_**James and Lily Potter. **_

_**Lily and James Potter. **_

_**The Potters. **_

_**Pronglet Sirius Potter (future Godson).**_

_Date:the next day_

_Place:my dorm_

_Time:I dunno (I think I need a watch)_

_Have decided to buy Sirius his own diary, maybe then he'll stay out of mine._

_Must say I agree with Padfoot. Mrs. Lily Potter sounds VERY nice._

_But Pronglet Sirius Potter. Second son maybe, but certainly not the first. Then again I only want one son. The rest have to be girls who look exactly like their mother. Red hair and green eyes. Maybe some with hazel eyes. Then I can be a maniacal overprotective daddy. Ha ha haaa. Watch out boys of the future, James Potter is going to be your worst nightmare! Then Prongslet and Sirius can have the leftovers._

_Date:9 January_

_Place:History of Magic class_

_Time:Sleeptime_

_My Flower is the only one taking notes. She looks so beautiful with the sun catching her hair and playing a million different shades of red._

_Was just poked by Padfoot. Was told am acting like a nancy boy. Was told am taking nancy boy notes._

_Sodding best friend._

_Am considering asking Gideon and Fabian again if they want to be new best friends._

_Prongs, write proper sentences. And stop ranting._

_Sod off, Moony._

_Oh, now _that's_ mature._

_And get your own sodding diary._

_Date:12 January_

_Place:Hospital Wing_

_Time:Unknown_

_The sodding bastard made her cry. So, do you know what I did. I beat him up. _

_I got detention, a bruised fist and screamed at by Lily. But you know what? Her best friend approved of what I did. So take that, Huh!_

_Date:15 January_

_Place:Charms_

_Time:Charms (duh!)_

_Lily-flower looks down today. Her eyes are still red. And she keeps sniffling._

_Should I offer her a tissue or a trip to the Hospital Wing?_

_Question was posed to Moony._

_He groaned and dropped his head into his hands._

_Not asking Padfoot._

_Date:15 January_

_Place:Corridor_

_Time:After Charms_

_Accidentally bumped into Lily (yeah right) she didn't even look at me not even to say something scathing._

_Am considering throwing myself off the Astronomy Tower if Flower doesn't start smiling soon or start insulting me._

_Must work on insulting part. Not good for fragile ego._

_**Prongs, mate, your ego is ANYTHING but fragile.**_

_**Moony and Wormtail have Prongs in a headlock on the ground. I'm starting to think suggesting a diary might be a bad idea. Prongs now writes in class instead of secretly behind his curtains on his bed.**_

_**Damn, Prongs got loose from Moony and Wormtail must run and drop diary along way to throw Prongs off.**_

_**IDEA!!! Throw diary to Evans and….(**_writing trials off as if person writing was suddenly and violently interrupted)


	3. Chapter 3

**Diary of a Toerag**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Marauders, Hogwarts, Lily Evans, or any other thing/person/place you recognize.

A/N: Yay I got reviews. I know I told everyone Happy Christmas already. I know it's weird, I'm just not likely to update before then. If I do, yay for you,

**Chapter 3**

_Date:_15 January

_Place : _Fourth bed from the door. Girls dorm, second from the top. Gryffindor Tower. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Northern Scotland. Northern Hemisphere. Planet Earth. Somewhere in the Milky Way. Universe etc.

_Time:_20:56 pm

Hello James Potter's diary. This is Lily Evans. This diary was tossed into my hands by a very out of breath Sirius Black and I was told in between gasps that I should read it and make my own contribution.

Well here it is.

…

Did you honestly think that I was going to spill my darkest deepest secrets in James Potter's diary? Don't be daft. Honestly.

Well then, let me clear up a couple of things. First of all I not did break up with that "soddin' Ravenclaw" as you so eloquently put it. And there was no need to beat him up because a letter from home came saying that my dog died. I got Paws when I was four and he has been my best friend for years.

So Potter, leave my boyfriend alone. Although if he still wants to date me after what you did to him, I'll be very surprised.

_Date:_16 January

_Place:_Girls' Dorm

_Time:_21:13 pm

Hello again. I still have Potter's diary. Why? I don't know. Or maybe I do.

Potter completely avoided me today. He didn't even glower at Dan or any of the Slytherins. Black has been conspicuously absent as well. Remus on the other hand was as bright as a daisy today. Mary is in love. I don't know with whom yet. She'll probably tell me soon though.

We're doing human transfiguration and everything is non-verbal. It's harder than I thought. I suppose it's because the intent was always in the words and not in the results. Just have to remember that.

_Date:_17 January

_Place:_Girls' Dorm

_Time:_20:33 pm

This is getting scary. I rushed through dinner to get upstairs just to write two paragraphs in some else's diary. I have my own, why don't I write in that?

Mary's out of her lovesick daze. Apparently the object of her affection plays for the other team. She is shattered. Perhaps I should bribe Black to… no wait I don't have to bribe him I can just ask. After he will relish the opportunity to sneak to Hogsmeade and buy a slab of Honeydukes' best. I heard him mention to Potter the other day that their fireworks supply is low. Maybe by tomorrow night Mary will be back to normal.

_Date:_18 January

_Place:_Girls' Dorm

_Time:_20:54 pm

Dan and I were on patrol last night and he did break up with me. Oh well can't say I'm really surprised.

_I HATE POTTER!!!!_

_YOU SEE!! I HATE YOU. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!_

_YOU #$?!!_

_Date:_24 January

_Place:_Charms Class

_Time:_10:31 am

I know. Horrible and shocking isn't it? I'm completely ignoring Professor Flitwick. Me, Lily Evans, Head Girl. Oh well there's a first time for everything as they say, though who _they _actually are remains to be seen. Or heard or felt.

Mary's giving me funny looks, like she thinks I should be paying attention instead of writing in Potter's diary. _Sigh._

I feel really bad abut what I wrote in the previous entry. It won't come out. And I only half meant it at the time, now not at all. I'm sorry.

I guess I should probably give Potter's diary back soon. I don't want to. This one's much more interesting than my own. Maybe Potter and I should take turns in writing, on weekly basis. A month is too long.

That is if he ever even looks at me again. I only see Potter at occasional Prefect meetings, and classes of course, but somehow he seems to avoid most of those as well. It's like he is invisible. Or maybe he's just really quick and knows a lot of secret passages.

Yay Charms is over!!! Now I'll have get notes from Mary on what we did. It's actually quite fun to skip a class… not that I wasn't there, I was there, just not _there…_ if you know what I mean… I was…never mind.

_Date:_25 January

_Place:_Girls' Dorm

_Time:_00:01 am

Finally. They are all asleep. The other girls have asking non stop questions since Charms. If I knew that _me_ ignoring a class was going to cause such a stir, I would never have done it…

Okay maybe I would, I would just have been more subtle about it. I mean not even Professor Flitwick noticed. Some of the Slytherins might have, but really what are they going to do?

Anyway…

I was ranting wasn't I?

_Sigh_

Mary told me today that she never liked Dan (the sodding Ravenclaw). I asked her why and she said that he just gave her the creeps, but maybe there's more to it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Diary of a Toerag**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Marauders, Hogwarts, Lily Evans, or any other thing/person/place you recognize.

I'm really really REALLY sorry this is so late.

A/N: I'm glowing. Well not literally, I'm just happy. I GOT REVIEWS. YAY!!! Thank you so much to my precious three reviewers, and those who added me to their alert list. If you need me, I'll be floating away, far away…

**Chapter 4**

_Date:26 January_

_Place : Hell_

_Time:13:?? pm (after lunch. Well, after EVERYONE ELSE'S lunch.)_

_Lily gave my diary back just as lunch started. And the hollow pit in my stomach hasn't gone away. I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to eat ever again._

_I'm going to kill Padfoot. Wring his neck and mess up his pretty hair and bury him in a dress._

_A pink one._

_With lots of frills._

_In another country._

_Far away._

_Where I won't have face Evans ever again._

_Then I'll change my name and become a Muggle._

_In another country._

_Very far away._

_Oh Merlin this is SOO bad._

_Date:26 January_

_Place : A little colder than hell, also known as the Quidditch pitch_

_Time:After practice._

_Okay so I thought about it and… I won't kill Sirius… he's a good Quidditch player, and I can't afford to lose him. _

_Well the _team _can't. I on the other hand believe that friends are expendable._

_No I don't._

_Otherwise I'll be no better that Voldemort._

_Now there is someone I want to punch for ruining my life. I was supposed to have a Quidditch career and play for Puddlemere. But no, Mister-I- want-to-kill-all-Muggleborns-and-purify-the-wizarding-race, had to come along and spoil everything._

_But, as a Potter, I shall prevail._

_Sirius and I have decided to become Aurors. Remus says we should become Unspeakables, or do work in experimental stuff._

_Eh I dunno. Auror sounds more… rewarding? No. _

_I really want to make a difference. I guess to have a purpose, not just to plod along while the war is going on. _

_And kicking Death Eater arse wouldn't hurt a bit._

_Well not _me_ anyway._

***

Date:29 January

Place: Transfiguration classroom, First Floor, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Time:Transfiguration Period

Hello Diary

Lily here. You wouldn't perhaps know why you were shoved unceremoniously into my hands just as Transfiguration was starting, causing _me _to ignore Professor McGonagall in order to add an entry?

No?

Me neither.

Hmm. Potter as an Auror. Somehow that actually suits him. Or professional Quidditch. He'd look so goo-

Never mind.

***

_Date:29 January_

_Place: Great Hall_

_Time:Lunch Time. Yes!!!_

_Hello diary!_

_Isn't lunch wonderful! Yes it is!_

_The sky is blue and sun is shining and the birds are singing and life is beautiful!_

_**Prongs you are an idiot.**_

_Why, my bestest friend in the whole wide world?_

_**Because it's cloudy. And snowing. And absolutely freezing. And the birds aren't singing, they're giving the last screeches as they pass on from this world to the next. BECAUSE IT'S COLD!!**_

_Calm down Paddy-_

_***splatter***_

_***smudge***_

_**Date:29 January**_

_**Place: Great Hall**_

_**Time:Lunch (still)**_

_**Dear Prongs (and Evan's) Diary**_

_**This is the handsome and very sexy Padfoot – who does not like to be called Paddy(I'm not Irish) – telling you that I shall no longer join Prongsie as an Auror because I have decided to grace the world with my sexy presence and become a model for Twillfit and Tattings, wizarding wear of note.**_

_Mr Moony would like to point out that Mr Padfoot will loose his erm, hair if he does not stop writing in Mr Prongs' diary._

_**Mr Padfoot would like to ask Mr Moony why he is writing in Mr Prongs' diary? And why Mr. Moony does not think that he (Mr Moony) will also lose his erm, hair?**_

_Mr Moony would point out to Mr Prongs that he was attempting to stop Mr Padfoot._

_Mr Prongs would like to tell both of his friends to sod off and stay out of his diary!!_

_*******_

A/N: ahh... erm... well it's been a year since I've updated. I'm really, really sorry. So flames are welcome...and nice words of encouragement too:) i'm sorry that it's soooo short. i decided to update with what I had already written...so here it is


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance