Star Wars 1. The Main Guys

How to irritate….

Darth Vader

1. Get every storm trooper on the death star to form a conga line.

2. Order him an inhaler for his breathing.

3. If he says he doesn't have asthma shout "Liar!" As loud as you can.

4. Swipe your credit card along his chest and ask why it wont work.

5. Choke the guards before he gets a chance to.

6. Laugh at him for no reason, then when he is asleep colour his helmet with white marker pen, so everyone else laughs at him.

7. Ih he ever shouts No! loudly, grab his shoulders and shake him violently shouting "Snap out if it man!".

8. Superglue a "H" to his forehead and call him 'Rimmer'.

9. Rename his star destroyer "Red Dwarf".

10. Ask him why Sidious looks like a melted candle.

11. Make him a Facebook page.

12. Get two of those small mouse droids, tie them to your feet in order to get around faster.

13. Put a pin on his seat.

14. Wear a neck brace so he cant force choke you.

15. If he doesn't choke you, wear the brace anyway and tell everyone you survived.

16. Ask him if Jabba the Hutt makes good pizza.

17. Hide the keys to his Tie fighter.

18. Shout "Execute order 69!" when he's meeting with the storm troopers, extra points if any of the storm troopers snigger.

19. Use his helmet as target practise for your Nerf gun.

20. Kick him in the crotch and ask if he can feel anything.

21. If he doubles over in pain, leapfrog over him and walk away.

22. Fire confetti cannons whenever he walks towards you.

23. Ask him if he's ever met a sand person.

24. Hire him a Twi'lek dancer for his birthday.

25. Put him on a dating site.

26. Use his lightsaber to cut your hair.

27. Take loads of pictures of him, don't stop for any reason.

28. Constantly tell him that you have a cunning plan to stop the rebels.

29. When he sits down, walk up to him and tell him that he's in your spot.

30. When he has the bounty hunters over, bring him a packed lunch and a scarf.

31. Fire all of the escape pods on the star destroyer.

32. Ask him if you can push the emperor.

33. If he says no, push him instead.

34. When you talk to him, say the word 'Penguin' after each sentence.

35. Ask him if he knows Pruneface.

36. Get him to play "Tiny Death Star".

37. Call him a smeghead.

38. Constantly make 'Yo mama' jokes at him.

General Grievous

1. Tell him he keeps making grievous mistakes.

2. Get him an inhaler too for the coughing.

3. When he starts coughing, pat him on the back until he stops.

4. Lock him in a room with Nute Gunray.

5. Get one of his droids to be your footstool.

6. Replace his lightsabers with baguettes.

7. Goose step down the corridor when your walking next to him.

8. Shout 'Droid' at the top of your voice and then hide amongst the droids when he turns around.

9. Change his password to 'Iamadroidlol'.

10. When he's directing a battle, assemble a card tower, when it falls down yell as loud as you can.

11. Ask him if wants to play tennis.

12. Ask him if he's left handed or right handed.

13. Wear a t-shirt that says 'Im with the droid' and never take it off.

14. When he starts coughing, hold up a handkerchief.

15. Start a coughing war with him.

16. When he starts coughing use the heimlich manoeuvre on him.

Mace Windu

1. Ask him if Nute Gunray looks like a bitch.

2. Eat his food and complement him on how tasty it is.

3. Tell him purple is gay.

4. Glue an afro to his head.

5. Shout 'Ive had it with these motherf***in droids on this motherf***in ship!"

6. When he sits down to eat hand him some cutlery and say in a dramatic way. "Use the forks."

7. When the jedi council sit down, try to start a mexican wave.

8. Comb your hair using the reflection off his dome.

9. Put a whoopee cushion on his chair.

10. Pull his chair away when he goes to sit down.

11. Call him 8-Ball.

12. Blow gently into his ear.

13. Give him a comb for a birthday.

14. When he gives an order, snap your fingers and say "Thats right you go girl." In a very sassy way.

15. Tell him one of the female jedi fancies him, but don't tell him who it is.

16. Buy him a wig for his birthday.

17. When your sat next to him, copy every gesture and facial expression he makes, when he turns to look at you ask him why he's copying you.

18. Get Jar-Jar on the council.

19. Play a game of catch with the jedi sitting opposite you while Windu is speaking.

20. Replace his lightsaber with a hairbrush.

Darth Sidious

1. Try to massage skin cream into his face.

2. When he uses his lightning, call him 'Grease'.

3. Ask him for a raise.

4. Ask him what happened to Palpatine.

5. Shade in his wrinkles with felt tip pen.

6. Tell him he has a scrotum for a face.

7. Call him 'Darth Sid'.

8. Replace his lightsaber with a glow stick and tell everyone he's a secret raver.

9. Ask him what the other orders were.

10. Talk like M.r Bean whenever you speak to him.

11. When he laughs in that cackly way, offer him a throat sweet.

12. If he refuses punch him in the arm and when he opens his mouth to scream, jam the sweet in.

13. Change the combination of his luggage.

14. Get him to watch 'Spaceballs'.

15. Organise a staff outing.

16. Ask him how much the death star cost.

17. Ask him if he wants a mint imperial, then laugh before he has a chance to answer.

18. Sign him up for the death star gym.

Boba Fett

1. Call him Bob.

2. Say you've seen a guy that looks like him somewhere before.

3. Rename his ship 'The Fettmeister 4000'.

4. Ask him why he has a big T for a face.

5. Wear his fathers armour.

6. Shout 'Bazinga' every time he fires his gun.

7. Ask him if he fancies Oola.

8. If he says no, keep asking.

9. Whenever your speaking, every now and then say 'Wibble'.

10. Ask him if he knows Dog the bounty hunter.

11. Call him 'Horse Renoir'.

12. Fill his helmet with strawberry jam.

13. Activate his jetpack when he's not looking.

14. Adopt a baby sarlacc.

15. Draw a face on the back of his helmet.

Darth Maul

1. Call him Darth Paul.

2. Ask him if his doublesaber is compensating for anything.

3. Ask him if he's feeling horny. (You know because of his head).

4. Colour in the red parts of his face with a black marker.

5. Give him a standing ovation whenever he appears.

6. Buy him some designer jeans for his birthday.

7. Stick cubes of cheese onto his head horns.

8. Complain of a stomach ache whenever he's around.

9. Tell him you have a gut feeling that Obi wan is near.

10. Get him a toenail clipper for his birthday.

11. Scratch one of your legs in front of him.

12. Buy him a wheelchair.

13. Use his doublesaber as a set of boat oars.

14. Dance an elaborate jig when he comes into the room.


	2. More Guys

How to irritate part 2…

Jabba the Hutt

1. Use the rancor pit as your own personal rubbish bin,

2. See how many clothes pages you can put on his body.

3. Try to out dance his dancer.

4. Ask him if he wants to play twister.

5. Pour salt on him and see what happens.

6. Climb up him.

7. Use his tail as a footrest.

8. Organise a karaoke night and get him to sing.

9. Take the rancor for a walk. (Extra points if you live)

10. Talk like Marlon Brando whenever you see him.

11. Act like Scarface when he's talking to a bounty hunter.

12. Hide your wallet in the folds of his fat.

13. Get him a skateboard.

14. Insist that he goes on a diet.

15. Get him to join weight watchers.

16. Answer the front door instead of the droid.

17. Get a sock for him to put on his tail.

18. Heckle the Max Rebo band.

Qui-Gon-Jinn

1. Get someone even more annoying than jar-jar for him to look after. (If someone more annoying actually exists)

2. Whenever he makes a suggestion say "That wont be necessary."

3. Use his lightsaber as a nightlight.

4. Ask if the thousand terrible things coming their way just happened to be the fans.

5. Braid his hair when he's sleeping.

6. Get him a blind date. (Who do you think he would be great with?)

7. If you cant find him shout. "Qui's Gone!" At the top of your voice.

8. When he's meditating see how many items you can balance on his head before he realises.

9. Buy him a lovely set of hair bobbles.

10. Set his alarm four hours earlier.

Ki-Adi-Mundi

1. Buy him a hat.

2. Ask him for his measurements.

3. Steal his seat on the council.

4. Use his lightsaber as a bug zapper.

5. Glue a television ariel to his head.

6. When he's sleeping draw another face on his forehead. (A point for every hour he doesn't notice)

7. Even better, buy him a top hat.

8. Buy him 'The Coneheads' on DVD.

9. Deliberately make all the doors he has to walk through lower so he has to duck.

10. Tell him not to lose his head.

11. Buy him a wig.

12. Call him 'Frankenstein'.

13. Wrap a turban around his head.

14. Ask him if headaches for him are worse.

Yoda

1. Build a cat-flap into your door and say its for him.

2. Measure him for no reason.

3. Insist that you piggy-back him everywhere.

4. When he's leaping around, hold out a flaming hoop.

5. When he's meditating put a cardboard box over him and see if he realises.

6. Nominate him to go buy food for the council.

7. Replace his chair with a beanbag.

8. Yawn loudly whenever he begins to speak.

9. See if his legs are showing on his drivers license.

10. Tell him you were about to make a joke about his height but you ran short.

11. Play catch with him.

12. When he goes 'hmmm' go 'hmmm' back, but louder and weirder.

13. Tell a random jedi that Yoda secretly fancies them.

14. Ask him if he's ever looked up someones nose.


End file.

Star Wars, Humor