Star Wars 1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, otherwise I'd be $4 Billion dollars richer right now ...  
**

* * *

**Outer-Rim Territories  
Planet Ziost  
Research Compound  
20 ABY**

A dark figure sat upon a throne inside a large cavern with various lab equipment spread out in various places. He was former Jedi Padawan, and now a self-styled Sith Lord, Karl Ferrous. He wasn't a particularly brave individual who had been coerced to the Dark Side. Nope, he was something of a coward as most of the individuals who knew him would say … and not very bright either.

Despite these rather undesirable qualities, Karl was about to do the galaxy, and the Skywalker family, a rather large service indeed. The way that this bumbling Dark Jedi came to do this started about a year ago.

He was very slight of stature and kind of ordinary, being raised in a very princely like manner by his very wealthy merchant family on Chandrila. As an only child, he had been accustomed to getting what he wanted, whenever he wanted. You could say this left an impression on him … A bratty, spoiled, impression to say the least. Upon finding out he had latent Force talent he had gone to Luke Skywalker's Jedi Academy and failed miserably while he was there. You see, he expected things to be just handed to him just as they had throughout most of his life. He was in for a rude awakening at the Academy. He didn't really get the whole "The Force is hard work" and "Use the Force for self_less_ reasons" concept. He fit in at the Academy like a full grown adult trying to squeeze into a pair of children's pants; Impossible to do and futile to keep trying.

And, to make matters worse, his father had squandered their family fortune while he was away. He was broke with no prospect for any further income.

So Karl took it upon himself to use his Force abilities to swindle the head of a major intergalactic bank into forking over the credits from several major business accounts. Needless to say, since he wasn't overly gifted in the intelligence department, he got caught. This resulted in him having to steal a ship to stay one step ahead of the New Republic authorities and a certain expulsion from the Jedi Academy with a rather irate Master Mara Skywalker promising to track him down someday.

To him, though, this wasn't a major loss since he considered most, if not all, of the Jedi sniveling whining spoiled brats. He had been somewhat vocal on that front and didn't get it when Master Katarn commented on the irony of his statement.

Karl wandered the galaxy for a little while, stealing things here and there to get by, when fortune supposedly smiled upon him twice in one day.

Karl had used his Force abilities to snag a couple of ancient texts from a rare book seller. While Karl wasn't the brightest bulb in the light string, he did have a certain talent for languages and ancient lore. After flipping through a few pages he immediately recognized that they contained text on the ancient Sith Lord spells of Essence Transfer and Mind Control. Before he could go and further though he literally bumped into a man who was running for his life. He had run into, and over, a short portly little man who had fear raging through his eyes and was constantly looking back over his shoulder as he was helped up.

The Force started to prompt Karl that there was something he would need from this man. So without further preamble, he grabbed him and made his way to his stolen ship. After taking off into hyperspace the man, Dr. Rhy Selhek, revealed that he was on the run from New Republic authorities as well. He had been a researcher at Coruscant specializing in genetics. He had broken the law concerning banned research on cloning and stolen all the research material he could find on the Spaarti and Kamino cloning techniques.

In an almost hallelujah type of moment, Karl had a revelation on what he could now do to get his revenge against the Jedi, the New Republic, his money squandering family, and everyone else who had slighted him throughout his life. He convinced Wallace that he would give him the opportunity to do something that no other researcher had been able to accomplish. He was going to try to clone a Force user. Selhek, knowing that this task had only been accomplished once before, eagerly jumped at the chance to undertake a project. After all, he wouldn't have anyone looking over his shoulder and he would get the protection of this fallen Jedi. He then asked who they were going to clone, figuring it would be someone like Luke or Mara Skywalker.

Grinning maniacally, Karl informed him that they were going to clone two of the greatest Jedi who ever lived … Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

And so, after scouring the galaxy for over two years, they had proceeded to find two items of vital importance. Karl had managed, using his powers, to steal the lightsabers of both warriors. Luke Skywalker had recovered his father's Sith saber from the Death Star II when they left the throne room, and had found Kenobi's ensconced in Vader's castle on Vjun. He had then subsequently donated both to the New Republic museum on Coruscant.

Using micro-scans, Selhet had managed to recover enough old skin cells, with enough DNA in them, to get a complete and total blue print for both individuals.

Using Ysalimiri, then then managed to clone both individuals. Both bodies lay strapped to tables in the cavernous lab with two pedestals beneath them. On those pedestals where the ancient Sith Texts that Ferrous had acquired, opened to the respective pages for the spells he needed.

Arising from his makeshift throne Karl made his way to open books and then gave an inquiring look to Dr. Selhet. Receiving a conformation nod, he cleared his throat and began to chant in the old Sith language.

"_Forces of Darkness, ancient Sith Lords, heed my call! Bring forth the essence of _Skywalker _And _Kenobi _so that they may do my bidding! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! Place them in the vessels! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!_"

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Throughout the eons of civilization that has resided in the galaxy, much debate has been taken on the nature of the Force. Some say that it is merely an energy field, providing the fuel that drives all life and giving a nifty set of powers to specific individuals. Others believe that there is an intelligent entity behind the Force, one that directs it ebb and flow … and with it, the destiny of the galaxy.

They're closer to the truth than they realized.

The Force itself cannot be quantified into the simple terms that we know as sentient or non-sentient. However, there was something there that was guiding the actions of the galaxy but not controlling things directly.

And that something also knew when an opportunity arose … as well as when to jump on said opportunity.

It reached deep within the layers of the Force, calling forth the essences of its two greatest Champions. It then sent them to watch what was going on as it waited for the perfect moment to act.

* * *

Karl closed his eyes and again raised his hands to the ceiling, shouting:

"_Forces of Darkness, ancient Sith Lords, heed my call! Bring forth the essence of _Skywalker _And _Kenobi _so that they may do my bidding! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY! Place them in the vessels! HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!_"

He then cracked an eye open, staring at the two bodies in front of him. And again, like the eleven times previously, nothing had changed. His anger growing, he gathered the Force to himself again and tried … again.

Unknown to him, or Dr. Selhet, two semi-transparent individuals outlined in blue stood just behind him.

"I really can't believe we're here watching this" said the spirit of Anakin Skywalker "We have better things to be doing with our eternal afterlives …"

The other individual, who stood stroking his beard and watching the proceeding with interest, replied "Now Anakin, just because we're dead doesn't mean we can't learn something new … even if it's somewhat stupid"

"Heh, I suppose you're right Obi-Wan. Oh look, he's going to try again … maybe the 12th time is the charm?" replied Anakin with a grin.

His only response from Kenobi was a raised eyebrow. And with that, the chant began again.

"_Forces of Darkness, ancient Sith Lords, heed my call!"_

Anakin, however, just couldn't remain quiet. "Doesn't he realize that this is a spell for personal essence transfer, like Palpatine did with his clones?"

"_Bring forth the essence of _Skywalker _And _Kenobi _so that they may do my bidding!"_

"I don't think so, Anakin" replied Obi-Wan "He really doesn't seem like he's too sharp"

"_HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!" _

"Maybe he should have read the disclaimer before he-_urk_!" replied Anakin

"_HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!"_

Obi-Wan, concerned now that Anakin had stopped in mid-sentence was standing rigidly still, suddenly found himself unable to move or talk as well. Then he sensed it.

There was a massive gathering of Force energy, far more than the dimwit should have been able to call on his own.

"_HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!" _

Dr. Selhet, watching the proceedings with a rather bored indifferent interest, suddenly had his attention focused on the sight that arose before him. Two … apparitions, for lack of a better word, had appeared at the foot of each table. Apparitions who greatly resembled the former Jedi Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi

"_Place them in the vessels!" _

The spirits struggled a little, but then seemed to dissolve into translucent energy forms. Said energy forms flowed _into_ their respective bodies and blue lightening started crackling all about the lab, with objects being thrown everywhere by vast telekinetic powers.

"_HEED MY CALL AND OBEY!_"

After Karl's final call the storm subsided and the two bodies on the slabs started breathing in great big gasps of air. Eyes open, lungs breathed, hands and feet moved spastically taking in sensations that neither had experienced for almost twenty years.

* * *

**Yavin System**  
**Jedi Academy**  
**Skywalker bedroom**

Luke Skywalker bolted upright out of bed. Something had just rebounded through the Force … something … Big.

It felt like the Force itself was singing with joy, that someone special had been called forth to return. But … who?

As he sat and pondered this for a few moments, he turned to ask his wife, Mara, if she had felt anything. He was greeted by a cocoon made of blankets with only small tendrils of red hair escaping from the top, accompanied by tiny snores emanating from somewhere deep within.

Luke was a wise Jedi, and no one would ever accuse him of being a coward. However, at this moment, the general stupidity of all males overrode his good sense and he attempted to wake his wife up by pulling the blankets off of her.

Her Force presence flared very, very, briefly. Only long enough for a tiny hand to snake out from the blankets and give a mighty shove in his general direction. And _that_ is how the Grand Master of the New Jedi Order ended up asses over elbows on his own bedroom floor.

The tiny snores resumed from inside the cocoon of blankets …

* * *

Karl himself cracked his eyes open and watching the Jedi begin to move, his mouth hanging open far enough to catch a bug in it. He recovered very shortly, though, and whirled around to face Selhat, who was staring at the whole scene with very wide eyes.

"HAHA! Did you see that Rhy! I DID IT! HAHAHA! I did something that those whiny Jedi brats of Skywalker's could never DREAM of accomplishing! HAH … what? Why are you pointing? What's with the scared look?" said Karl.

Selhat, who was very very afraid right now, merely pointed behind Karl and said in a weak voice: "You … you didn't do the mind control spell".

It took a couple seconds to process in Ferrous' brain, but the neurons finally finished the firing process and commanded that he turn and face his creations. When he finally, and slowly, did manage to turn, he was greeted by the ice cold blue eyes of Anakin Skywalker.

With a voice that sounded hoarse from disuse, Anakin looked him in the eye and simply said:

"Nite-Nite"

Then Karl was hit with an extremely powerful uppercut to his jaw, which had been aided by the Force. Flying off his feet and landing right on his ass, Karl's eyes rolled back into his head and his vision first went double, then everything faded to black.

A rather young looking Obi-Wan Kenobi merely shook his head and said "So uncivilized …"

He then proceeded to walk over to Selhat, who was quaking in fear, and placed his two fingers on his head. Rhy's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to the floor without a single noise.

Anakin merely rolled his eyes and then proceeded to look around at the place where they had been … "reborn". Letting out a huge sigh, he turned to his former Master and said:

"Well … now what?"

* * *

**So ... what do you think? **

**I could leave this as a one-shot or continue with it. ** **Let me know.**

**Connor**


	2. Chapter 2

**Outer-Rim Territories  
Planet Ziost  
Research Compound  
20 ABY**

_Anakin merely rolled his eyes and then proceeded to look around at the place where they had been … "reborn". Letting out a huge sigh, he turned to his former Master and said: _

"_Well … now what?"_

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi looked back at Anakin with raised eyebrow that seemed to say "I have no idea" … or at least that was how Anakin interpreted it.

"Honestly, Anakin" began Kenobi "I have no idea! I mean, for almost 20 years before you sliced and diced me I had a plan. Before that, I had a plan. After my death, when I watched and subtlety trained Luke, I had a plan. I really don't know what to do next. The only thing I do know is that it is bloody _freezing_ in here!"

Both men came to the startling realization that, on the day of their rebirth from the Force … they were naked as the day they were born.

Kenobi looked down, up, all around before finally settling his gaze on Anakin.

"Well, now I finally see why you built the _Executor_ so big. Compensating for something, weren't you?"

Anakin flushed crimson and said: "Hey, it's cold in here!"

Chuckling at his expense, Kenobi pointed to two separate piles of fabric on the ends of the tables that they had awoken on. Upon further examination it was revealed that the fabric piles were dark copies of Jedi robes, cut to their exact sizes. And there was one other surprise as well. The robes covered the last lightsabers that each had constructed and held during their previous lifetimes.

Dressing themselves, they started to discuss their situation.

Anakin, despite being the least eager to talk, seemed to be the one who started thinking about taking action.

"If you want my opinion, we should do something about the pair here before we do anything else" he said.

"I agree" said Kenobi "I can send an anonymous tip off to the New Republic concerning their location … well, once I find a comm terminal and figure out wherever the hell we are"

Anakin was about to respond when another voice cut in.

"You'll do nothing of the sort!" came the voice of Karl Ferrous, the fallen Jedi who had initiated this whole circus. "I brought you two back, you are mine to command" he said, as he slowly rose from his crumpled position on the floor.

Anakin and Obi-Wan looked at each other blankly before returning their stares to the fallen Jedi.

"I command you two … and if you don't listen, I can and will send you back into the Force, the hard way if I need to"

And with that rather absurd proclamation, he snatched his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it, bringing the bright blue blade out to a point in front of him. At this point, even in his deranged mind, Karl expected the two to react somehow … at the very least to take up defensive positions … or do something.

All they did was stand there, arms crossed, looking at him.

Kenobi narrowed his eyes for a couple seconds then looked over at Anakin and said: "Yep, he's cracked. It's your turn to babysit the village idiot today." before walking off to his right.

Anakin, giving a scowl in Obi-Wan's direction, slowly lowered his arms from their position and reached inside his robe. The saber he pulled out, one of the spares he had made as Darth Vader, held loosely in his hand, inactivated. Ferrous, thinking he saw an opportunity, slowly advanced to within a couple feet and prepared to raise his saber to deal a deathly blow. He paused, though, when he saw the slowly growing maniacal grin growing on Skywalker's face.

Before it could even register that his opponent wasn't reacting as he should have, Anakin ignited the blood red blade and whipped it across in a savage backhand stroke.

The resulting contact with Ferrous' blue blade, and the Force-enhanced power behind the swing, knocked the fallen Jedi's blade out of his hands and sent it sailing across the room.

Stunned disbelief wasn't even the best description that could begin to describe the look on Karl's face. This, however, was quickly replaced by rage ... enough rage for him to start pulling on the Dark Side of the Force rather heavily. He raised his hands up to chest level and between his two outstretched palms, electricity began forming.

If it was even possible, Anakin's grin got bigger.

This had the effect of enhancing Ferrous' disbelief and goading his rage even further. He drew back his arm, preparing to strike the Chosen One down with lightening, when he felt a tap on his left shoulder and a voice say "Excuse me"

He barely even got halfway through a turn when Kenobi's fist plowed into his face. The electricity instantly dissipated and Karl stumbled back a few feet. It almost looked like he would shake off the effects of the blow, but then his eyes crossed and he fell to the floor in a boneless lump.

Anakin deactivated his blade, smiling from ear to ear, and said: "What was that crack earlier about being 'so uncivilized', oh wise Jedi Master?"

Obi-Wan merely rolled his eyes in response and set off searching for a comm unit, Anakin's delighted laughter trailing off behind him

XXXXXX

**Dathomir**

There's a funny thing about the Force that a lot of people don't realize. The Force is big on balance … really, really big on balance.

For instance, if it saw the opportunity to bring its two greatest champions of the Light back to the mortal plane, there was bound to be an equal and yet opposite reaction on the other side of the universe somewhere.

And the Force always abided by its own rules.

As such, on the planet Dathomir, where the Dark Side was in heavy use, the equal yet opposite reaction happened.

A conclave of Nightsisters, sequestered around a bubbling green pool deep inside a mountain, sat chanting and meditating … looking to the Force to give them a vision. Instead, what they got was rather unique. The green liquid pool they surrounded began to bubble and foam. Streaks of purple, green, and blue lightening danced across its surface and dove into its depths.

The liquid within the pool seemed to explode outward and evaporate at the same time, leaving two figures collapsed inside it.

The Nightsisters, shocked and transfixed by what was happening, didn't move at all … even as they got soaked.

One figure, clearly a human, lay on his side taking a few deep choking breaths.

The other, though, merely lay on his back for a second before slowly sitting up and inspecting the area around him.

He slowly gazed around at the dripping wet women before turning his gaze to his body, levering himself up off the wet pool floor. His hand slowly ran over the red and black tattooed skin, up past his face, till it settled on the horns that were displayed proudly upon his head.

The figure slowly lowered his hand and spoke in a low, gravely, and sinister voice.

"The galaxy shall tremble … for I, Darth Maul, have returned!"


End file.

Star Wars, Adventure, Humor