Charmed Kill Billie Volume 2 for real this time

**Kill Billie Volume 2 (for real this time)**

Billie was flipping through the Book of Shadows. This was much easier than she had originally thought. The Charmed Ones were much stupider than the other demons had said. No other witch would give a virtual stranger complete access to their home. She would succeed where all other demons had failed.

She wasn't really the beautiful blond co-ed that she pretended to be. She only did that to make her plan easier. She hadn't even needed to use her mind control powers to gain access to their book The Book of Shadows was the only way she could find her sister warlock who had been imprisoned by a good witch a century ago. It was the only way she could be part of the evil Charmed Ones.

Billie came from a long line of warlocks. She had two sisters, both as evil as she was. Her plan was to gain the Charmed One's trust, and then kill them. They were making it so easy for her that it wasn't even fun anymore. When killing wasn't fun for her, there had to be a problem. She had been around the Charmed Ones' pathetic goodness far too long.

She continued flipping through the Book of Shadows using the power of telekinesis she had stolen from a good witch a decade ago. She couldn't touch the book, as she was evil. She couldn't believe the Charmed Ones had failed to notice. Finally, she found the page she was looking for. The Charmed Ones would never know what hit them.

Billie froze, as she heard footsteps come up the stairs. She put on a very fake looking smile. The Charmed Ones didn't notice a lack of sincerity. She cackled at the simplicity of it all. She shut up immediately as Phoebe entered the room. Then she relaxed visibly. Phoebe was the slowest of them all.

"Hey Billie, watcha doing?" Phoebe asked obliviously, as always. Billie moved closer to the Book of Shadows as to hide the page she was looking at.

"I'm looking for my sister, I need to find her", Billie answered. That was her stock answer for every question. The Halliwell Sisters bought it every time. However, Phoebe wouldn't take a hint.

"What can I do to help?" Phoebe asked sweetly. That girl was so sickeningly good, that it took all of Billie's willpower not to kill her right there. She had to wait until her and her sisters were together to kill the Charmed Ones.

"There's just this demon that I'm going to torture for some information", Billie said quickly. Phoebe once again failed to recognize her pleasure at the prospect of torture. Billie moved for the door, but she didn't count on Phoebe still being curious. Phoebe looked at the still open Book of Shadows and gasped.

There was a picture of 3 women, Billie in the center, and a young blond girl, and an older brunette by her side. The caption read, the Jenkins sister warlocks. Apparently they are minor warlocks who will do anything to get power. Phoebe's brown eyes darted across the page. It looked like she was doing some quick thinking.

She backed away from Billie. "How could you?" she stammered. Billie grinned maliciously, her eyes suddenly flashing bright red. Billie advanced towards the Charmed One, for the first time in months, she held nothing back. Phoebe said the first rhyme that came to her mind.

"Billie acts like a female dog, so turn her now into a frog!" There was a large puff of smoke, and to Phoebe's surprise, it worked. Hoping on the floor was a small green frog that was once Billie. Looking at the frog gave Phoebe a very good idea.

Minutes later, Piper and Paige came home at Phoebe's request. They were very curious. Phoebe said she had big news. Phoebe had managed to trap Billie-frog in a large cardboard box, unfortunately with holes on top. She needed Piper's expert culinary skills for this plan to work.

"Billie's an evil warlock with two sisters who wants to kill us and become the evil Charmed Ones. Now she's a frog", Phoebe said in a rush, without preamble. Piper and Paige looked at their sister as if she had gone crazy, which was totally possible.

With a raised eyebrow, Piper asked, "So, how did you figure all of this now, and what do we do with her?" Phoebe beckoned her sisters to come closer, and whispered in their ears. All three of the Charmed Ones smiled malicious smiles. Piper in particular liked this plan. She was just itching to do some experimental cooking.

Piper picked up the box from Phoebe and looked in. The frog that was Billie was jumping against the lid, as if she knew what would soon happen to her. Piper walked to the kitchen, followed by Phoebe and Paige. Paige was very excited about this. Billie had been very annoying for quite some time.

When they got to the kitchen Piper prepared a big pot of boiling water on the stove. "Do we cut off the legs first, or do we put her in the pot?" Paige asked. Piper studied the warlock turned frog who was still trying to escape from the pot. She had never cooked frog's legs before. This was sure to be an experience.

On a whim, Piper decided that they should cut off her legs. Billie had played them all, and been quite rude in the process, so it made sense this way. It didn't really matter how they prepared the dish after all. She took a large butcher knife and swung down hard on the quivering legs of the frog.

There was a splat, and Phoebe clapped at the splatter of blood. Something very unexpected happened. The frog was still alive, trying to squirm away, as its legs lay inches away. "EW!" Paige squealed, looking at the flow of blood. "I'm so not going to eat her like that." Piper picked up Billie gingerly, and placed it in the bubbling water. They all sniffed as the aroma of cooked frog floated through the air.

"You're right", Piper said finally, "And it did make quite a mess." She was referring to the blood on the counter top.

Piper hummed to herself, as she stirred the boiling contents of the pot. She had a hint of pepper, some more seasoning. She wanted this dish to taste perfect. This was to be a big meal, and they would need to have guests. She put her newly created dish on a platter, and put it in the oven. She set the timer, and turned to her sisters.

She smiled, and said, "The Jenkins sisters are coming over to dinner."

Phoebe didn't want to go to the dinner party. She'd much prefer to spend time with her new boyfriend who she had a vision of being the father of her future daughter. She had met him a week ago…and already she loved him. His name was John…or was it James? Anyways…she didn't have anytime for stupid dinner parties. Then again, it was to eat that blonde bimbo, so that was sure to be fun.

Paige hated when her sisters gave her jobs. Piper was very busy cleaning. She was scrubbing all of the house's surfaces in preparation for their guests. Paige was given the job to find Billie's sisters and invite them over. She really didn't feel like scrying right now. She decided to try the old fashioned human method of the phone book.

There were so many Jenkins listed that it made her go cross eyed. To help her find the right one, she used a spell that was most certainly personal gain. The right number glowed at once. Before she dialed, she transformed into Billie. Since this was an actual power of hers, she was also was able to take Billie's voice.

"Hello?" answered a little girl's voice on the first ring.

"I need you and Christy to come over right away", Paige said, using Billie's voice, " I managed to convince the Charmed Ones to invite you to dinner."

"We'll be right there", said the girl.

Paige smiled to herself at how marvelously easy this was. She told Piper, who was meticulously scrubbing the counter that the Jenkins would be here any minute. The table was set with their finest silver wear. The frog's legs were on a silver platter surrounded by vegetables. The rest of the frog that was once Billie was on a plate beside it.

There was a ring of the door bell, to quickly for any mortal. Paige ran to the door and opened it. There stood a tall brunette and her late twenties and a chubby blond girl of about nine. " I'm Christy, and this is my sister Alana" said the older girl kindly, shaking her hand for Paige to shake.

Paige led them into the dinning room, and in moments Christy, Alana, Paige and Piper were seated around the table. Phoebe had decided to spend the day with her boyfriend…what's his name… Piper decided to start with small talk, but Paige went straight for the food. She grabbed a frog's leg and forgot all about cutlery. She took a big bight, her tongue liking what it's tasted. Billie may have been rude, annoying, ditzy, and stupid, but Paige had to admit that she tasted good.

Piper found Billie's sisters just as annoying as Billie was. They weren't even touching their food. Piper had worked hard on that food, and she would make them eat it if it was the last thing she did. "Please try some meat, its delicious", Piper said in her nice host voice.

Hesitantly, they each grabbed a small piece of their froggy sister. Cautiously, the two warlocks took a small bite. As she swallowed, Alana's eyes lit up. This weird looking food was actually good! While they ate this admittedly good food, Alana and Christy were having a telepathic conversation.

"When do we get to kill them?" Alana whined.

"Be patient", Christy told her sister, "We have to wait for Billie. When we do kill them, I kill first, as the oldest"

Alana frowned at her oldest sister. "You always get to kill first! It's not fair! When is it my turn to kill?" Alana was always very whinny and impatient, even telepathically. Christy was about to say a snappy retort, but then a thought occurred to her. She stopped chewing the delicious meat, because she realized Billie had called them, and she wasn't there.

"Where's Billie?" Christy asked the eldest Charmed One. Piper smiled mysteriously.

"She'll be with you forever", Piper answered. Christy did not like the sound of that. Piper sounded very creepy. She didn't have time to think over for Alana, oblivious as always, had her mind only on food.

"When's dessert?" She asked Piper and Paige cheerfully. Piper raised her hands and flicked her wrists towards Alana and Cindy. They screamed and exploded into millions of tiny pieces. The bloody fragments fell to the floor. Paige looked at her sister interrogatively.

"I didn't have dessert", Piper explained. Paige found that a perfectly good explanation. She looked down to the carpet, now full of blood.

"I think that's going to leave a stain", said Paige.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD! WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH! Plays in the background for some reason.

The end…


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Charmed, Humor, Parody