Final Fantasy VII 1. A : Assassins

**Title –**Alphabet character study - Tseng

**Summary **- For every letter in the alphabet, there will be a oneshot story about Tseng. What does he like, dislike, long for, think and dream about? What does he do at work and when at home? His past and present. Long stories, short stories, sweet ones, sad ones, sexy ones and all of them about Tseng. Remember, every chapter is a one shot, a story on it's own.

**Notes **- The idea for this comes from Combination_NC over on A03 in the Dragon Age fandom. It was started as a meme on tumblr and with her kind permission, I'm morphing it over to the Final Fantasy fandom. Please feel free to join in and do your own version on your own favorite character and spread the fandom love.

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 1 : A<strong> –Assassins

**Pairing – **Tseng/Rufus

**Characters – **Tseng, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Elena

**Warnings** – language, adult themes, implied yaoi, swearing

* * *

><p>Assassins in movies were always so polished, respected and unbeatable. Tseng couldn't stand to watch them; the glossy fakeness turned his stomach and gave him the overwhelming urge to snap some ones neck. At the moment, it looked like Reno was offering his own up for that very purpose.<p>

"Look at the fucker, Rude. Have ya ever, in all our years, been able to just walk past guards like that and jimmy a back door? Seriously, are the guards all blind and deaf? Where's the fucking alarm system? The wanker is making so much noise that any fool could a heard him coming a mile away. What, such a big important drug dealer living in a mansion and yet he has no camera's or guards on the fucking perimeter fence? Has the dude been sampling his own product?"

"Reno, shut up or put on a different movie," Tseng growled on his way back from the kitchen, trying to ignore the buttered popcorn he could see disappearing down under the pillows of Rufus' imported, white sofa.

"Leave him be, Tseng," Rufus murmured, too low for Reno to hear.

The statement was, however, loud enough for Elena to pickup from her seat across the dinner table and she looked up to smile at the Vice President's words before her eyes found Tseng's and her cheeks flushed slightly. "Let Rude baby-sit him and come and have some wine," she offered, holding up a glass of red for him.

Tseng sighed, nodding his agreement before lowering himself into the chair next to Rufus and taking the offered glass with a 'thank you', pointedly ignoring Elena's disappointed look at his choice of seating. She was new enough to their ranks that she hadn't worked out yet that he had a relationship with Rufus and nobody was willing to tell her. After all, Rufus had bet all three of them 1,000 gil that she wouldn't work it out herself in the first year and at first, Tseng couldn't resist the urge to prove him wrong. Nine months had passed since then and she was still none the wiser, but Tseng had mixed feelings on her failure now.

Trying to slip her hints while making Rufus uncomfortable had become Tseng's favorite form of entertainment, and since the blond had been placed under house arrest in his apartment in Junon, he had no way to avoid any of it. Tseng found himself pushing his luck with the Vice President on a daily basis with inappropriate touching that made his lover flush and glare. There was no doubt Rufus enjoyed it though, despite his attempts to insist otherwise.

"Fuck! Look at that!" Reno suddenly exclaimed. Tseng was pulled out of his musing by the outburst and looked up to see what had caused it.

On the screen, a man walked down a hallway with one handgun, shooting enemies without even working up a sweat. Men with machine guns couldn't even clip him, their attempts becoming comical as the single handgun fired over and over again. Tseng rolled his eyes, slipping his hand under the table while Elena stood up to go and lean on the back of the sofa, laughing with Reno over the fact the gun seemed to have an unlimited supply of ammo.

"Tseng!" Rufus hissed as Tseng rested his hand on the blond's thigh, ignoring his protests as his thumb drew circles over the silk material.

"Yes, Sir?" Tseng asked softly, eyes moving from his Turks to the Vice President. His hand slipped higher, fingers beginning to massage the blond's hardening length through his pants.

"Bastard," Rufus whispered, his hips pushing up a little as his breath sped up, hands coming up to rub over his eyes and try and hide his flushed cheeks.

"Yes, I am quiet aware of my heritage, Sir. Was there something else I could help you with?" Tseng murmured, grinning at the blond's reaction. As embarrassed as he was, Tseng knew he enjoyed being secretly fondled in the presence of others, as Rufus had never once told him to stop the many times he'd done it.

"I… I need to go to bed," Rufus finally whispered after a few minutes, his hips now rolling into Tseng's touch.

Smiling, Tseng removed his hand, standing up and slipping off his coat before draping it over the younger man's shoulders. It was long enough on Rufus that it fell past his hips, hiding the bulge in his pants when he stood up. "I'll be in to check on you in a few minutes."

Rufus nodded, heading straight to his room with a mumbled good night to the other three in the room. They all returned the farewell, only Elena pulling her eyes away from the screen and turning towards Tseng.

"Anything else you need of me tonight?" she asked, the invitation in her eyes not missed by Tseng, although he pretended to be oblivious. He was about to dismiss her when Reno cut in.

"Boss, can I talk to you for a minute?" Tseng nodded his assent and the redhead turned to Elena as he stood up. "Lena, keep Rude company for a sec? I'll be right back."

They walked into the kitchen to talk, Reno looking a little nervous as he came to a stop in front of Tseng. "Look, I know ya don't like me messing, in any way, with your relationship, but do ya think, just this one time, you could start while the rest of us are still here?"

Tseng frowned as he processed exactly what Reno was asking. "Are you asking what I think you are asking?"

Reno chuckled nervously, one hand coming up adjust his goggles. "Ah, yeah, I am. But before you kill me, hear me out. How else is she ever going to find out? I know all her flirting is starting to wear on your nerves and it's been like 9 months already. Isn't it time she knew?"

"You need the money that badly, Reno?" Tseng asked. Honestly, he was tired of deflecting her advances and was starting to feel a little guilty that she'd been kept out of the loop for so long.

"Well… yeah I do," Reno chuckled, a smirk curling his lips. "That and I've always been curious as to whether you're capable of making our little prince scream and moan. You're both so friggin' quiet out of the bedroom."

Tseng couldn't hold back a grin, Reno's blatant challenge tweaking his pride enough to raise his interest. The redhead was the only person he would ever let get away with such a request, his soft spot for the boy still strong after all these years.

Reno began to fidget as the silence grew longer, Tseng enjoying his discomfort as he thought over the pros and cons of accepting the challenge. Eventually, he decided Reno had suffered enough and besides, Rufus _was_ waiting for him.

"Fine," he began, watching as Reno's eyes lit up. "You won't hear anything over the sound of the movie though."

"It ends in another…." Reno glanced at his watch. "…five minutes. Or do ya need more time to work him up?"

"The time is sufficient. You owe me lunch tomorrow."

"I'll buy ya lunch, dinner and breakfast if ya willing to give me a personal demonstration," Reno teased, backing out of the kitchen and dodging the tea towel that came flying at his face.

Tseng followed him out, schooling his expression back to blankness as he approached the sofa. "I'm going to check on the Vice President. See yourselves out when the movie ends," he murmured, nodding to Elena when she said good night.

***.***

Reno couldn't help grinning while the credits rolled, ignoring Rude's questioning gaze. He grabbed the remote and turned off the television, cutting off the blaring music and leaving the room in silence.

"Well, that sucked," Elena muttered, a grin on her own face, despite her words.

"Yeah, it did. Be nice though, to make that much cash on the job, eh?" Reno answered.

"Hell yes," Elena mused, standing up and stretching out the kinks in her back. "Imagine going home to our own penthouse apartment."

They chatted away for a few minutes, keeping their voices low so not to disturb the Vice President's sleep. Reno didn't miss the way Elena's eyes kept returning to the hallway, obviously wondering what was taking Tseng so long.

A sudden moan sounded from down the hallway and all conversation stopped immediately.

"Is that…," she began, only for another moan to cut her off, louder than the last one.

"Well, fuck me," Reno murmured, surprised that his idea actually worked. The noises didn't stop and all three Turks froze in place, listening as their Vice President began begging shamelessly.

_Tseng… oh god yes… fuck me harder…_

"I-I should go," Elena stuttered, moving for the door and slipping on her shoes quickly.

"Wait, I'll walk you back," Rude volunteered in a hushed voice, standing up and giving Reno a quick glare before he walked over to her, putting a hand on her shoulder and saying something in a whisper that Reno couldn't hear. She looked up at Rude sadly, murmuring something back.

Reno fiddled with his goggles, more embarrassed by Elena's obvious hurt than by the sounds still filtering down the hallway. It had never been his intention to cause her pain, just let her know the truth so she could move on and stop trying for something she'd never get. The money from Rufus for losing the bet had also been a priority, although he wouldn't admit that to Rude. His partner always did have a soft spot for Elena.

"Reno, you take first shift tonight?" Rude asked while helping Elena into her coat.

"Yep, leave it with me. See ya tomorrow, Lena," he said, looking up at her as she nodded and headed out the door. "Later partner," he added as Rude followed her out, closing the door behind him.

Reno lay back on the sofa, only noticing the noises had stopped when a blond head suddenly appeared above him, looking over the back of the sofa.

"Was my performance adequate?" Rufus asked, a grin that Reno could only classify as evil twisting his angelic features.

"Performance?" Reno repeated dumbly, unable to hide his surprise.

"After the television turned off, there was no sound of the door opening or closing so I knew you were all still here. Did you seriously believe I would make so much noise unintentionally with an audience?"

"You did all of that on purpose?" Reno asked, frowning as he tried to make sense of what he was being told.

"Reno, Turk assassins are not the only people capable of manipulating others to do what they want," Rufus remarked, resting his chin on the back of the sofa as he gazed down at Reno. "You forget, I am a Shinra." A quick smile and he disappeared, Reno sitting up to watch him grab a glass of water from the kitchen before he walked back and paused beside the redhead.

"Why would you… I mean, you already have him, so why play with Lena like that? You were the one that wouldn't let us tell her, then you made that bet. I don't understand," Reno muttered, his eyes watching the blond intently. "What's your angle?"

Rufus smiled, the self satisfaction he showed twisted uncomfortably in Reno's chest. "I had a few… angles, as you call them," the blond said softly, stepping closer. "One was a test, to make sure he really wasn't interested in her. I'm happy to say he passed. Another was the fact I didn't enjoy watching her lust after what is mine. She deserved to suffer a little for not being able to work out what was going on herself. You and Rude worked it out in a few weeks, after all. Lastly… well, lets just say that I've been rather bored stuck here for the last few months and needed some entertainment." The blond turned, walking to the hallway before pausing to look back at Reno, smile widening. "You have to admit, it has been fun stringing her along."

Reno watched him disappear down the hall, frowning as it all sunk in. Lying back down, he sighed, pissed off at how easily they'd been manipulated by Rufus. _Little bastard is pure evil_, he mused as he tried to glare a hole in the ceiling.

***.***

When Tseng was sure Rufus was asleep, he carefully got out of bed and slipped on his pants. Opening his lover's laptop, he hit a few keys before walking out to the lounge room. Reno was there, the redhead lying on the sofa but wide awake. "Decide to stay in tonight, did you?" Tseng murmured.

"Didn't think there was much point in standing outside when I already heard the floorshow earlier," Reno muttered, his voice sounding off.

"What's wrong?" Tseng asked, walking around to sit down next to Reno's legs.

"Did ya know he knew about Lena?"

"I know he knew about her liking me. It was hard to miss and she did make it clear when he was there. That's not what is worrying you though, is it?"

"He knew about me asking you to put on a show tonight. Did you tell him?" Reno asked. The seriousness on the youth's face worried Tseng and he missed the grin that was the redhead's usual default expression.

"I didn't tell him. Apparently, he bugged his apartment so he could hear what we talked about when he wasn't in the room. I didn't know about it before tonight when I found him on his laptop. He played the conversation we had in the kitchen back to me." Tseng turned his gaze to the wall as he spoke, uncomfortable with the position he had been placed in. Rufus had outsmarted him, thoroughly and without much effort. He'd been distracted by his attraction and need for the blond and had assumed Rufus felt the same way. The power he thought he had over the youth was nothing but an illusion.

"He can hear us now, can't he?" Reno whispered, looking nervous.

"No, I made sure it wasn't recording before I came out here and he is asleep."

Reno let out a breath, sitting up and gazing at Tseng intently. "He thinks of you as a belonging. Told me so earlier with a big grin on his face. Said all this was a test for you, to make sure you weren't tempted by Lena. Said you passed. He also said it was entertainment cause he was bored."

Tseng frowned, eyes turning to Reno to study his expression. The redhead was seriously concerned… worried for him. "Reno, truthfully I am not that surprised by Rufus' actions. He likes to play with people, for entertainment. He doesn't do it as often now that he is older, but it was a common thing for him when he was younger. As for me being his possession… basically I suppose I am." Tseng sighed, running a hand through his hair tiredly.

"He's supposed to be your lover, not your owner. I thought he was starting to care about you. I thought we could relax now because he wouldn't hurt us because of you, but if all we are is entertainment to him, what the hell is he gonna do next? What if he gets bored with all of us? Decides to keep you but replace the rest of us?" Reno whispered.

Tseng turned to find the redhead staring down at his hands, expression hidden by his hair. "Reno, as Turks we do belong to him now, but... but I don't see any of you as expendable or as anything less than my family. We are a package deal and he knows that." Leaning in closer, Tseng rested his forehead against Reno's, one hand closing over the redheads in his lap. "He has weaknesses and is not as unbreakable as he likes to pretend. I know he cares for me, enough to ensure we survived before when he could have abandoned us. He needs us and we need him. With time, he won't be able to do without us. Trust me with this. Know that no matter what, I will never abandon you."

"What makes you so sure he needs us now and will in the future? Aren't we just assassins? His bodyguards who kill on his command? It wouldn't be hard for him to replace us."

"Trust, Reno. He trusts nobody on the planet, but he is beginning to trust us. We just have to nurture that and we ensure our future." Leaning back, Tseng ruffled Reno's hair, smiling as the youth flinched away and scowled at the disturbance to his precious mane. "We already mean more to him than his own father does, so have a little faith in me, alright?"

"If I didn't have faith in you, I wouldn't be here," Reno retorted, his free hand coming up to adjust his hair back into place. He stilled then, looking up at Tseng with a strange expression. "I… I don't think I've ever said this before, but I wanted to say thank you."

"For?" Tseng asked, tilting his head to the side a little as he tried to work out what the redhead was thinking.

"For stopping that day, when we first met. You could of kept walking, like everyone else did, but you didn't. You saw me lying there and you… well ya know the rest." Reno's eyes darted away, although his hand turned in his lap so his fingers entwined with Tseng's.

"I've never regretted it. Not for one moment. Although, making you an assassin may have not been the best choice…."

"Do I suck that much at my job?" Reno asked, looking offended, but Tseng could see the amusement dancing in his eyes.

"More like you're too good at it. You're enjoyment is sometimes a little disturbing."

Reno chuckled, giving Tseng's hand a squeeze. "Like you can talk. I've seen your expression in the interrogation room."

"Guilty, as charged," Tseng replied, lips curving into a smile.

"I'm happy here and really, that's all that matters. Don't get all angsty and crap about what I could have been. Seriously, can you imagine me doing anything else?"

"Hmm, well I did always believe you would have made a fine kindergarten teacher. Your hair alone would have stunned the children into silence."

"Oh, you think you're funny, don't ya?" Reno scoffed, feigning insult before he began chuckling, Tseng unable to stop himself from laughing along with him. "Anyway, enough of this deep and meaningful shit. Ya keep this up and I might fall in love with you myself," Reno joked, giving Tseng's hand another squeeze before letting it go. "Just imagine how heartbroken Rude would be!"

"I'm sure he'd be inconsolable," Tseng replied. "Speaking of Rude, you should drop by his place on the way home and tell him I'm staying here all night, so he won't be needed."

"I take it that means I get to go home too?"

"It does. I want to see you both first thing in the morning though. There are some things we need to go over before I leave for Midgar tomorrow."

"No problem," Reno replied, standing up and stretching. Tseng's eyes couldn't help appreciating his form, especially when his shirt rode up to reveal his navel.

"You know I'm always available," Reno purred, Tseng looking up to find the redhead's eyes on him, smirk in full force.

"Go home, Reno," Tseng muttered, standing up and turning away, embarrassed he'd been caught admiring Reno in a less than innocent way, yet again.

"Yeah, yeah. See ya tomorrow, boss."

Tseng didn't watch him leave, busying himself with cleaning up the empty bottles his coworkers had left behind as he waited for his cheeks to stop burning. He was so distracted that he remained unaware of the blond in the hallway watching him and by the time he'd finished, Rufus was back in bed appearing to have never moved.

***the end***


	2. B : BLOOD

**Title –**Alphabet character study - Tseng

**Summary **- For every letter in the alphabet, there will be a oneshot story about Tseng. What does he like, dislike, long for, think and dream about? What does he do at work and when at home? His past and his present. Long stories, short stories, sweet ones, sad ones, sexy ones and all of them about Tseng. Remember, every chapter is a one shot, a story on its own.

**Notes **- The idea for this comes from Combination_NC over on A03 in the Dragon Age fandom. It was started as a meme on tumblr and with her kind permission, I'm morphing it over to the Final Fantasy fandom. Please feel free to join in and do your own version on your own favorite character and spread the fandom love.

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 2 : B<strong> – Blood

**Pairing – **No pairing

**Characters – **Tseng, Veld

**Warnings** – Violence, adult themes, inferred physical and sexual abuse of a child.

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><p>He couldn't make it go away. No matter how many times he washed, scrubbing his skin until it was pink and burning, the blood was still there. It stained him, seeping into his pores and tainting him forever.<p>

The house was quiet now, but the silence wasn't empty. It was full of guilt and horror… realities that he didn't want to face. Hidden in the bathroom, curled up into the corner behind the toilet, he tried to hide from what he'd done, naked and sore all over from his attempts to wash away his crime.

When they finally came for him, their anger and disgust drowned out the slideshow in his mind that had been taunting him, replaying what he'd done for the millionth time. When he smiled in relief, they stared because they didn't understand.

Nobody would ever understand.

***.***

He'd always been small, but he'd never felt this inferior before. Everyone around him was so big… grown up and confident in what they were doing and who they were supposed to be. He didn't understand many of the words they were saying, but he knew enough to nod when they asked if he had done it, knew enough to stay silent when they asked him why. None of it really mattered anyway. He was guilty and they would simply declare him so.

It was only when they started bringing in other people , one by one, that he began to take notice. After awhile he realized it was every person he'd ever meet here, young and old. It was interesting to watch their performances, how some glared and others looked away. Some were fearful, some angry and others had that familiar look of disgust. None of it affected him as they'd always looked at him with those expressions. The ones who'd always frightened him were gone now and could never hurt him again.

But none of these people knew about that. They could have found out, if any of them cared. If they had stopped and asked, just once, where all the bruises and cuts came from or why he was limping today, maybe he wouldn't be forever stained with blood. Only one person had ever stopped and really looked at him. Reached out and gently touched a purple mark on his arm and frowned. No questions had been asked, but a look had passed between them, large dark eyes peering down at him with emotions he'd never seen before. The man had sighed then, pulling something out of his pocket and placing it in his hand before walking away. When he'd looked down, he'd found a plaited length of red cord. It was long enough to tie around his wrist and was the only gift he could remember ever being given. But that person wasn't here today and had only been here once, many months ago, on the way to somewhere else.

And now he would be going somewhere else too.

***.***

They told him it was his last night in the village before locking him in the darkness, with nothing to do but remember. He didn't want to think of blood, so he thought about his life so far, about being silent, being obedient and being owned. They had given him a name that he knew wasn't his, but he couldn't remember what it had been before. They had told him his parents had been bad people but he knew they were lying, despite how he had nodded and pretended to have forgotten

He didn't remember where he was born. Memories of his parent's were only scattered smells, emotions, sounds and bursts of color, disjointed bits and pieces that he tried to cling to and weave together but they always slipped through his fingers like clouds of smoke. Their warmth and love was his favorite memory. They were like a dream that he'd once had, unclear but fully felt. It was enough to make him yearn for more but there were many things he yearned for but learnt to live without.

His mother smelt like pine needles and her hair was soft. His fathers hands were rough and warm, so big and yet so gentle.

He remembered their voices, speaking words he still understood, even though they weren't the same as the words everyone spoke here. His owners had hated the words of his parents, forbidding him from ever using them and making him learn all of their words. Nobody ever explained to him why and he understood that he wasn't allowed to ask, so he only spoke the forbidden words in his mind, safe from being discovered. He would never let them be forgotten even if he never said them aloud again.

He remembered that man who'd given him the red plaited cord that day, fingering the worn length that was still around his wrist. Even though the blood had stained it to a darker hue, he couldn't bare to throw it away. It was a memory of a kindness that he clung too in his despair. An anchor to a fantasy of being cared for that didn't matter anymore.

But then again, nothing mattered anymore.

***.***

The sun rose and soon he was being led out into it, feeling the warmth of its rays for only a moment before he was lifted into the back of a covered wagon. He stumbled and fell when he was released, hands tied behind his back as his face hit the floor. Nobody spoke to him and he said nothing as he was pulled to sit upright, a rope threaded through his bonds and tied to the frame of the wagon. He kept his head down as they began to move and prayed his jailors didn't have the same desires as his owners had.

For days they traveled and he was content to stare out the back of the wagon and try and ignore the pain in his wrists. Every night they would untie him so he could eat and go to the toilet, then they would tie him back up to sleep. They never spoke to him, but he listened to everything they said.

On the fourth day, the men began to argue about where they were going. The village had decided he should be taken to a place for criminals, one that would pay for a healthy child like him. One of the men insisted that they would get more money if they took him to the slave markets on the coast and by the sixth day, the other men agreed. They wouldn't tell the villagers and would split the extra coin between them.

He didn't care where he ended up as long as he never had to go back to the village. His dreams where haunted by his former owners and what they had done to him, day after day, night after night. The only blood in his nightmares was his own. He never dreamt about his crime though and now, when he replayed what he'd done in his mind, he felt no guilt or remorse, no horror or fear. The memory just made him feel numb... as if his emotions had been plunged into ice.

He decided he liked the way it felt.

***.***

On the ninth day a scream woke him from his daydreaming and the wagon lurched forward, picking up speed. Voices yelled and gunshots filled the air and he tried to brace himself against the side as he was jolted around. One of the men fell backwards from the seat up the front and landed near his feet, a hole in his chest and blood bubbling up out of his mouth. He felt no fear, only a strange kind of fascination as he watched him die.

He could see some of the men from their group out the back of the wagon, trying to keep up as they rode their chocobos hard. One bird had lost its rider and as he watched, another man jolted forward, blood and brain spraying from what remained of his head before he tumbled off the bird. The last rider made a sound of horror and veered off to the side, out of sight as the rider-less birds began to slow and were left behind.

The man driving the wagon cursed loudly as it began to lurch to one side, overbalanced on a bend in the tree lined road that they were taking too fast. Suddenly fear filled him and he squeezed his eyes closed as he was thrown around like a ragdoll, his wrists still tied to the wagon's side as it toppled over and was dragged along. The noise was deafening as the other side of the wagon began to disintegrate against the rocky ground.

Only when it finally stopped did he open his eyes, coughing through the clouds of dust as he found himself hanging from his bound wrists, too short for his feet to touch the ground. Pain raced through his arms, making his sight blur as he whimpered, powerless to help himself in any way. The sound of hurried footsteps drew near and he turned his head to find a person looking at him from what had been the back of the wagon. Recognition dawned on him as memories of dark eyes and a red plaited cord flickered through his mind.

As he lost his fight to stay conscious, he wondered if it was real or a delusion.

***.***

When he awoke, he found himself in soft sheets and a warm bed. He didn't open his eyes, years of caution too ingrained in his behavior for him to ever trust his first impressions. Somebody had cleaned his body and healed his wounds, his arms only feeling stiff now instead of the burning pain he'd expected. It was quiet and just as he was about to open his eyes he heard somebody else in the room.

Letting one eye only slip open a fraction, he saw a man facing away from him, across the room. He was talking into a telephone, saying that they'd hit the wrong wagon but had gotten the right one a couple of hours later. He assumed his wagon was the error and began to wonder who this was that had first attacked and then saved him. The memory of the last thing he saw before he passed out flittered through his mind and he opened his eyes completely, willing the man to turn around so he could either confirm or disprove his identity.

When the man finished his call and finally did turn, he found himself staring at him with wide eyes. It was the stranger who had given him the bracelet of red cords. He found himself mute in front of the older man as his mind raced through the possibilities of why he had brought him here and looked after him instead of just letting him die.

He ran the fingers of one hand over his red bracelet and suddenly found it felt different, looking down to find that three new bands had been added to the original three worn ones, all six intertwined in a complex weave. Looking up with a question in his eyes the older man stood up, walking over and tussling his hair before giving him a small smile.

The next day he was on a boat, seeing the ocean for the first time as the man who called himself Veld stood beside him, holding his hand. They were going to a city called Midgar and he would have a new home there with this man until he was old enough to work for him. Veld was quiet like he was and words were something they didn't often exchange.

Veld always knew what he needed without him having to ask. He gave him a birthday because he didn't have one. He gave him a new name because he didn't remember his real one and the only one he did remember had too many bad memories. When he yearned to be part of a family, Veld cut both their fingers and held them together, letting their blood mix together and become one.

For the first time, somebody understood. Wherever they went, it would be together. He didn't have to tell Veld what mattered or how he felt. It wasn't a delusion or a dream. They would forever be bound together by blood.

***the end***


	3. C : Cookies

**Title –**Alphabet character study - Tseng

**Summary **- For every letter in the alphabet, there will be a oneshot story about Tseng. What does he like, dislike, long for, think and dream about? What does he do at work and when at home? His past and his present. Long stories, short stories, sweet ones, sad ones, sexy ones and all of them about Tseng. Remember, every chapter is a one shot, a story on its own.

**Notes **- The idea for this comes from Combination_NC over on A03 in the Dragon Age fandom. It was started as a meme on tumblr and with her kind permission, I'm morphing it over to the Final Fantasy fandom. Please feel free to join in and do your own version on your own favorite character and spread the fandom love.

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 3 : C<strong> – Cookies

**Pairing – **Sephiroth/Tseng

**Characters – **Tseng, Sephiroth, Veld

**Warnings** – Adult themes, kissing

* * *

><p>Living in the head Turk's household had been a huge adjustment for Tseng, but he had managed to make it look easy, something Veld always praised him for. While he didn't live on the second floor with Veld and his family, he did have his own room on the first floor, next door to the live in housekeeper who had adopted him as her own. She was a quiet, elderly woman, kind but reserved. She and Tseng fit together though, like two pieces of a puzzle that had both been misplaced and they spent most of their spare time together. She had many tales to tell and Tseng listened intently to every one, learning about many things he'd been unaware of under her gentle guidance.<p>

She taught him about wisdom, kindness, consideration and manners. Her fables where like a road map of polite society, practical examples of the social structure… or at least, how it should be.

After six months in Midgar, Veld declared Tseng well adjusted enough to go to school so he could learn more practical skills such as reading and writing. Tseng had been excited at first, even though he'd be in a remedial class until he caught up to the other children his age, but it was short lived as he quickly learnt that most other children didn't seem to follow the rules of polite society. His second day at school, Tseng had been beaten so badly that he had to spend two days in hospital to recover.

Veld had been angry and disgusted, standing in his hospital room and yelling into the phone for over an hour as Tseng had quietly watched, frightened that it was all his fault.

Veld had explained, once he'd calmed down, that it wasn't his fault at all and that he was just different but in a good way. Tseng hadn't taken comfort in those words though, because being different meant being alone and he yearned for a friend around his own age.

For the next two years he was home tutored, filling in the gaps in his education with daily lessons that had him not only catch up, but quickly surpassing other children his own age. Veld had been so proud when Tseng's tutor announced that he was gifted, but for Tseng it was just another indication that he would never fit in and would never have a friend his own age. His continued to be taught at home for another two years, excelling in his studies but none of it brought him any joy and as he hit his first year of puberty, a deep depression set in that he couldn't seem to shake.

Tseng's adopted mother became ill around the same time, Veld allowing him a reprieve from his studies so he could care for her, until a couple of months later she quietly slipped away. When his tutor returned, Tseng had lost all enthusiasm for learning and his marks began dropping as he struggled with the dark moods he just couldn't seem to shake.

It was the eve of his fourteenth birthday when Veld had called him into his study to discuss changing his learning environment. He told him there were other children like him, gifted ones that didn't fit with the other children and that if Tseng wanted to try learning with one of them, Veld would support the change. Tseng was cautiously excited, wanting desperately to have a chance at making a friend, but the dark mood he couldn't seem to fight his way out of made him feel like it would all fail, just like it had before.

His first lesson was a week later and was to be held in the Shinra tower, where Veld worked. Tseng had been terrified when he'd stepped out of the car with Veld on his first day, his hands shaking as he'd held onto his bag in a death grip, trying with all of his will to appear as collected as his mentor did. The elevator with the glass sides had almost been his undoing, but Veld had stood beside him, whispering to him to keep his eyes on the doors and it had been enough to get him through the experience without falling apart.

They arrived at his new classroom early, nobody else there as Veld had led him inside and settled him at one of the two desks in the room. He'd handed Tseng a mobile phone and showed him which buttons to press, insisting that if there was any problem, no matter how small, that all he had to do was call. Once the teacher arrived, Veld introduced Tseng before leaving with a quick pat on his back and Tseng was given some worksheets to do so his levels could be evaluated.

He was just finishing the last one, Veld's phone a comforting weight in his pocket, when the doors opened and his classmate entered. Tseng's pencil froze in its place on the page as he stared at the boy, completely startled by his appearance. He'd never seen a child with silver hair before.

His teacher had introduced them and the silver haired boy called Sephiroth had walked straight up to his desk, holding out his hand and greeting him. Tseng moved on pure instinct, standing up and taking his hand while he returned the greeting, relieved that this, at least, was something familiar for him. They had both taken their seats then and the lesson had progressed, Tseng having a little trouble concentrating with his curiosity peeked by Sephiroth's presence.

Lunchtime arrived and the teacher excused herself to go and get coffee, leaving the two boys alone in the classroom to eat the lunches they had brought with them. Tseng organized his worksheets into a neat pile off to the side, opening his bag and pulling out his lunch before setting it out on the table top. Before he began eating, he glanced over at Sephiroth and found the boy watching him intently. He wasn't sure how to react, nervous around somebody so unfamiliar, but his need for friendship eventually won out over his shyness and he decided to make an attempt at conversation.

"Would you like share?" he asked, his voice coming out softer than he had intended as he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"What do you have?" Sephiroth had asked.

"I-it's just a sandwich, ham and lettuce, I believe. I have cookies too. They are chocolate chip," Tseng answered, looking up at the other boy as he wished he'd brought something more impressive for lunch.

Sephiroth nodded, pulling a brown paper bag out of his own bag and bringing it and his chair over to sit next to Tseng at his desk. "I have fruit," he said simply, pulling out two apples and a melon of some kind that Tseng had never tried before. A knife came out of the bag next and Sephiroth quickly went to work cutting up the fruit, using the empty bag as a plate.

Tseng waited for him to finish, offering up half of his sandwich before he reached for a piece of the melon, eager to try something different. They chatted about their meal between eating, and once everything on the table was gone, Tseng pulled the bag of cookies out of his bag and offered one to Sephiroth. The boy looked unsure so Tseng took one first, eating it and smiling at him in the attempt to encourage him. It seemed to work, Sephiroth finally taking one and tasting it cautiously before quickly finishing it off.

"Have another," Tseng encouraged, managing to get a small smile out of Sephiroth as he took a second one.

"They are very good," Sephiroth said once he'd finished chewing, his smile still in place.

"Here, take the rest. I am full," Tseng suggested, passing over the bag which Sephiroth took before pausing, his smile falling and being replaced by a frown.

"I have nothing to give you in return."

"That's alright. Friends do not have to give anything in return," Tseng said shyly, his hands fidgeting a little as he looked away, worried that he'd overstepped polite boundaries in his eagerness to make a connection with the other boy. It was quiet for a while, making his fear rise until Sephiroth finally broke the silence.

"I have never had a friend before," the boy proclaimed, causing Tseng to look back at him in surprise.

"I… I haven't either," Tseng replied, getting another smile from Sephiroth before the boy stood up, moving his chair back into place and sitting down, the bag of cookies gripped tightly in one hand. Tseng cleaned off his desk, unable to hide the smile on his own face as the teacher returned and the lesson began once more.

***.***

Tseng and Sephiroth shared their lunches for the next year, their conversations gradually progressing past food and onto their personal lives. Both were hesitant to discuss their pasts, so they tended to stick to the present, Tseng talking about living with Veld and his family while Sephiroth spoke about his army training. Eventually Tseng became more curious as to where Sephiroth's family was and he figured the best way to approach the subject was to talk about his own family, or lack thereof.

It was autumn in Midgar at the time and their teacher had allowed them both to eat their lunches in the rooftop garden, giving them a full hour to socialize now that they seemed to get along so well. They had a favorite spot, a patch of grass that was edged by a line of hedges that gave them a small amount of privacy from the cameras on the walls by the elevator. It didn't really bother Tseng where they sat but Sephiroth seemed more comfortable there, so he indulged him.

"I sometimes wish I knew who my parents were," Tseng began, munching on the cookie he'd taken for himself. He always brought them for lunch now, only ever taking one for himself before he gave the rest to Sephiroth. It wasn't that Tseng didn't like cookies. He just liked the smile they always brought to his friends face more.

"Maybe it is better you do not know. Maybe they might be somebody that would make you sad," Sephiroth responded, staring out over the city.

"Do you know who your parents are, Sephiroth?"

"I know who my father is… although, I've always hoped that it was a lie," Sephiroth replied, turning to look at Tseng. "How do you not know who your parents are?"

"I was taken from them when I was very young. I remember some things, like smells and feelings… and I remember they loved me. I can't remember their faces though, or their names."

Sephiroth smiled, reaching out to pull a leaf out of Tseng's hair. "If they loved you, then you are very lucky. My father does not love me."

"How could he not?" Tseng blurted, his face reddening as he realized what had just come out of his mouth. "I-I mean… he is your father. Fathers are supposed to love their children."

Sephiroth shrugged, turning away. "That is why I prefer to believe that he is not my real father. It hurts less that way."

Tseng watched his friend, trying to work out how to make him feel better but nothing came to mind. He figured it might help if he distracted him, so he started talking again, looking down at the grass as he spoke. "The people who took me from my parents sold me to a village far away from my home. Veld told me that I originally come from a place called Wutai and that is why I don't look like anyone else here. I didn't look like anyone in the village I grew up in either. Sephiroth, is their really a place called Wutai where people look like me?"

"Yes, there is," Sephiroth replied. "I have studied Wutai as it is a possible future site for the company's expansion of its mako reactor program. It is a beautiful country, in landscape and in population."

"Oh," Tseng murmured. Sitting up and peering at his friend. "Did you just infer that I am beautiful?"

Sephiroth chuckled, leaning back on one hand as he raised an eyebrow at Tseng. "Yes I did. Do you have a problem with that?"

Tseng smirked, trying to ignore the blush spreading across his face. "You are the beautiful one, Sephiroth. All the Shinra press releases quite clearly state that fact."

Sephiroth scowled, throwing a piece of apple at Tseng that hit him squarely in the middle of his chest. "You should know better than to listen to company propaganda. It is always 90% fiction."

"Oh, so you are not a brilliant upcoming soldier who will become general of Shinra's army in the next two years? Let me guess, you are secretly training to be Midgar's greatest hair dresser. It would explain that thing on your head, at least."

Sephiroth launched himself at Tseng, pinning the youth to the ground so fast that he had no time to do anything but breathe in before he found himself staring up at his friend's unusual eyes, a curtain of silver hair surrounding them both. "Do you have a problem with my hair, pretty boy?"

Tseng laughed, unable to stop himself as Sephiroth grinned down at him, rearranging his legs so he straddled Tseng's hips. "I am not pretty, you long haired bully. If anything, I look odd," he retorted, wriggling underneath the larger youth. "You are definitely the pretty one here."

"I think you are pretty," Sephiroth whispered, face suddenly serious. His tone stole away Tseng's amusement, making him suddenly feel vulnerable with his arms pinned down on either side of his head. "Tseng, what would you do if I kissed you?"

"You… you want to kiss me?" Tseng asked, his disbelief clear in his voice as he froze in place.

"Yes," Sephiroth murmured. "I have wanted to kiss you for quiet some time."

Tseng found himself speechless at the confession, especially since he had often wondered what it would be like to kiss Sephiroth himself. He had never thought to act on the desire though, figuring it was simply his teenage hormones reacting to the person he spent the most time with every day. "Than kiss me," he finally answered, swallowing nervously as he tried to remember what he'd read and seen in movies about kissing. People used their tongues and while the idea seemed kind of gross to him, he did want to try it and he knew Sephiroth was the one person that would never tease him if he did it wrong.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before, Tseng?" Sephiroth asked, releasing one of Tseng's wrists to trace a line along his jaw with his fingers.

"No," Tseng whispered, his eyes darting over Sephiroth's face. "I don't really know how to do it correctly."

Sephiroth smiled and Tseng tried to ignore how his heart skipped a beat. "Just follow my lead. I will go slowly for you."

When their lips finally met, it wasn't anything like Tseng had imagined. Sephiroth's lips were warm and soft and at first it was only a light press against his own, gentle enough to tickle a little. Having the weight of another on top of his was a little disconcerting, bad memories trying to surface from his childhood but he pushed them to the back of his mind, concentrating on the fact that this was Sephiroth, his beautiful friend who he trusted and cared for.

"Tseng?" Sephiroth whispered between kisses.

"Yes?" Tseng responded, finally pursing his own lips and meeting his friends kisses half way.

"Mm… open you mouth a little… let me taste you."

Tseng did so, his body stiffening in nervous expectation as he expected Sephiroth's tongue to feel wrong inside his mouth, but at first his friend only kissed each of his lips separately, a hand threading through his hair gently until he relaxed. The lick was a little surprising, but Tseng found his curiosity was beginning to win over his fear as one of his own hands lifted to rest on the side of Sephiroth's neck, earning him a pleased hum from his friend.

Turning his head to the side a little, Sephiroth finally pressed his own mouth over Tseng's, his tongue running lightly over the inside of his lips until Tseng couldn't stand the slow pace anymore. He let his own tongue find Sephiroth's and as soon as they touched, his friend's twined with his own. It didn't feel gross, not even in the slightest and Tseng found himself enjoying the experience as the kiss progressed, Sephiroth eventually pulling back with a light bite to his bottom lip.

"You taste good," Sephiroth murmured, smiling down at Tseng.

"Must be the cookies," Tseng joked, earning himself another laugh.

"Yes, must be the cookies," Sephiroth agreed before rolling off to the side to lie on his back along side Tseng. "Bring more tomorrow so I can taste you again?"

***THE END***

* * *

><p>ACSTC<p> 


	4. D : Deflower

**Title** –Alphabet character study – Tseng

**Summary** - For every letter in the alphabet, there will be a oneshot story about Tseng. What does he like, dislike, long for, think and dream about? What does he do at work and when at home? His past and his present. Long stories, short stories, sweet ones, sad ones, sexy ones and all of them about Tseng. Remember, every chapter is a one shot, a story on its own.

**Notes** - The idea for this comes from Combination_NC over on A03 in the Dragon Age fandom. It was started as a meme on tumblr and with her kind permission, I'm morphing it over to the Final Fantasy fandom. Please feel free to join in and do your own version on your own favorite character and spread the fandom love.

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPER 4 – <strong>D - Deflower

**PAIRING –** Sephiroth / Tseng

**CHARACTER – **Tseng, Veld, Sephiroth, Genesis

**WARNINGS – **Sex, swearing

* * *

><p>For Tseng's sixteenth birthday, Veld gave him a wooden box, carved with symbols that he'd never seen before. His mentor had shown him how it locked and explained that as Tseng would be entering Turk training soon, he would need a place to store his private memories. When he'd asked his mentor about the designs covering the dark wood, Veld had said they were called runes. He explained that each one meant something different and that they originated in his country of birth. Tseng had wanted to ask more, but they'd been interrupted by the trill of Veld's phone, his mentor leaving as soon as he finished his call with a quick apology, a hand ruffling his charge's hair on the way out the bedroom door.<p>

Deciding to look through the public library during the week to try and discover the runes' meanings, Tseng had spent the rest of his Sunday sorting through the belongings in his room, working out what to keep in the box. He knew that becoming a Turk meant that he had to cast off his previous life, but the very fact Veld had given him such a gift meant that he was allowed to at least remember his past, if nothing else. He didn't own much, but there were a few things he didn't want to part with… small items that reminded him of people that had been important to him and memories of defining events in his life.

Once he was finished, he locked the box and placed it on his bed side table, glancing around at what had been his first real home. It was a strange feeling to be leaving it all behind, knowing that he would never return. There was no sadness though, as it was just a room full of items that could all be easily replaced. Everything he couldn't replace fit into the box and as long as he could take it with him, he was content.

Thinking about his last week as a student was more troubling though, as he realized that it was something he _would_ miss. Tseng loved learning, so hungry for knowledge because he knew it gave him power. He'd spent most of his life ignorant and powerless and he never wanted to be that way again. As a Turk, he would be learning a whole new range of more practical things and while he was excited at the prospect, he knew that it would be very different to the quiet, peaceful existence that his schooling provided.

If he was truly honest with himself though, the one thing he'd miss the most from leaving his studies behind was Sephiroth.

It was inevitable that they would have to part and their time together had already been cut over the last year. Sephiroth only attended the afternoon session of study now, his mornings full of other classes in preparation for his employment as a SOLDIER. They always ate lunch together despite their changing schedules, the silver haired teenager usually meeting Tseng in the rooftop garden before they went to class.

They never discussed the kissing. It just seemed to happen randomly and was always instigated by Sephiroth. Tseng enjoyed it, but he didn't know why the other teen did it. Sephiroth never tried to do anything else to him so Tseng gathered it wasn't about sex. It was confusing, especially when Sephiroth would hold his face so tenderly and stare into his eyes, a strange expression on his face that Tseng couldn't decipher.

They did talk to each other about other things though, Sephiroth even admitting to Tseng once that he was already being sent on missions as a SOLDIER, but as he was underage the company covered up that fact, preferring for the public to believe he was only starting active service at the end of the year.

When Tseng had asked Veld about it, his mentor had admitted that the only reason Tseng had been allowed to study with Sephiroth was to give more weight to the cover story. Veld had explained that while Tseng was being used by the company in that way, it was an arrangement that both Tseng and Sephiroth gained from, so there wasn't any reason to object to it. Tseng always believed that Veld may have had a hand in organizing the arrangement anyhow because the leader of the Turks seemed to be just as concerned with Sephiroth's lack of friends around his own age as he was with Tseng's.

Being used by Shinra wasn't something that bothered Tseng. After all, he was about to become a Turk, so being used by Shinra would soon be his full time profession.

***.***

Sephiroth came to lunch on Monday with a smile on his face and when Tseng asked the reason behind the good mood, his friend had explained that he'd just successfully completed his first solo mission over the weekend.

"Well done," Tseng murmured, wishing he knew exactly how one was supposed to encourage another. Sephiroth looked a little disappointed in his reaction, causing Tseng to panic internally. This was their last week together and he didn't want it tainted with any bad memories. In desperation, he leaned over and kissed his friend on the cheek, Sephiroth's eyes going wide in surprise before his smile returned, bringing Tseng's own relief with it.

"Thank you," Sephiroth whispered, eyes dancing with mischief that had Tseng moving away and blatantly setting out their lunch between himself and his friend, ignoring the chuckle his actions caused.

The rest of the week continued as usual, the only difference being that Sephiroth's kisses were more frequent and Tseng found himself thankful for that. It was the only indication that his friend gave that he would be missed, and it was a small comfort with their time together coming to an end.

On the second last day, Sephiroth had tried to shock Tseng with the news that he'd killed ten men earlier in the year on a weekend mission with a group of Firsts. Tseng's lack of shock or surprise at the news had disappointed Sephiroth, and his friends resulting childish pout had made Tseng chuckle.

Sephiroth had reacted how he always did when Tseng laughed at him, pouncing and tackling his smaller friend down onto the grass, in what Tseng was sure was some kind of dominant display meant to show how much weaker he was. Tseng was never impressed by it though, too annoyed at being needlessly disheveled to humor his friend's ongoing inferiority complex.

"Does it not make you think differently of me at all?" Sephiroth insisted.

"No, it does not. Now get off me you idiot," Tseng muttered, frowning up at his friend. "Besides, why do you wish me to think differently of you? What is wrong with how I think of you now?"

Sephiroth didn't answer him, just stared as Tseng became more and more uncomfortable with the silence and too intense expression on his friend's face.

"Tseng, have you ever killed anyone before?" Sephiroth suddenly asked.

"Yes I have," Tseng replied, trying to get himself free with useless wriggling. Sephiroth's only reaction was to tighten his grip on Tseng's wrists, causing the smaller boy to demand, "What is your problem today?"

"You used a gun, didn't you?" Sephiroth murmured, the direction of the conversation making Tseng freeze in place and stop his struggling. "I find it hard to believe that you would use any other method with your clear distaste of being unclean in any way." Minutes ticked by in silence and as much as Tseng didn't want to have this conversation, he knew Sephiroth's curiosity was relentless once his interest was piqued.

"I used a knife," he eventually replied flatly, holding Sephiroth's gaze as the familiar icy numbness enveloped his emotions. "It was messy and smelt bad. They made so much noise that it gave me a headache."

Sephiroth released his arms, sitting up but remaining in place, straddling Tseng's legs. The expression on his face was blank but as Tseng watched him, the silver haired teenager tilted his head to one side and slowly smiled. "You will make an excellent Turk."

Tseng found himself smiling back automatically, pleased from what he judged to be a compliment. "Thank you."

***.***

On the last day they spent together, their lunch was eaten in silence. There was no teasing or smiling. They sat side by side, arms touching but nothing more. Tseng felt the loss of his friend already, the emotional withdrawal from each other an ache in his chest that turned his stomach as his lunch sat on the grass before him, uneaten.

"Are you feeling ill?" Sephiroth asked, eyes fixed on the horizon of buildings before them.

"No. I am just not hungry," Tseng replied, his own eyes on his hands, fidgeting in his lap. He was remembering the feel of Sephiroth's hair between his fingers, how soft it was. "You can have my share if you wish."

Sephiroth nodded but didn't take the food, didn't move as the silence wore on. Tseng was beginning to feel that numbness again, the same disconnected emotional state he'd been in for most of his earlier life, creeping back as the clarity of feelings Sephiroth caused started to fade. He knew enough about psychology to know that it was a coping mechanism he used, but that didn't cause him to try and stop it. The numbness would ease the pain, leaving him able to continue without any kind of distraction. That was essential for his upcoming Turk training, after all.

"I will miss seeing you every day," Sephiroth suddenly whispered, a hand threading into Tseng's hair and turning him to face his friend. Their eyes met and Tseng's focus rushed back, the numbness washed away by Sephiroth's gaze. "I will never forget you."

The sudden rush of emotions made Tseng panic, knowing his face was showing everything he usually hid so well. He tried to flee but only got as far as his knees before strong arms pulled him back down into an embrace, a hand caressing his hair gently as he continued to try and push away from the chest he was held against. "Please don't, Tseng. Do not be angry with me."

Tseng was angry, but it wasn't directed at Sephiroth. He was angry at everything else, the whole world for giving him a taste of friendship, only to steal it away again just as he began to enjoy it. "I don't want to let you go," he finally whispered, his struggles over as his hands fisted in his friend's shirt.

"Then don't."

***.***

Sephiroth had given him two books as a parting gift on that last day. One was on the history of Wutai and it was full of information and pictures of Tseng's country of birth. The other was an advanced mathematics textbook which, on the 111the page, had a table of numbers that hid Sephiroth's private phone number. Hidden in plain sight, with the handwriting perfectly matching the other digits around it, the number was only noticeable to Tseng. He had memorized it over the last six months, looking at it often but holding back on the urge to call it.

Tonight though, his usual stubborn resolve was failing.

The announcement had been made today that the newly promoted General Sephiroth would be going to join the war in Wutai and would be leaving in a week to join the troops already overseas fighting.

It shouldn't matter to Tseng at all. His plan was to forget Sephiroth and never talk to him again, despite all the promises they'd made to each other in the heat of the moment on that last day. Turk's weren't supposed to have friends, especially not ones that were Generals of Shinra's army. The silver haired youth was a distraction… a weakness. His mere presence chipped away at Tseng's self control and stirred up emotions he couldn't afford to have.

It did matter though, the thought sitting in the back of his mind, distracting him and causing him to falter in his training. Maybe if he saw the other man one last time, he could expel his doubts and worry and finally move on.

Alone in his room, Tseng dialed the number, outwardly looking unaffected, as inside his pulse raced. It rang for too long and he had just sighed out a breath, about to disconnect his attempt when the phone was answered.

"Hello, how can I help you?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

"I-I must have the wrong number," Tseng stuttered out, startled into near panic. _Sephiroth gave me the wrong number?_ was his first thought, as the reasons why he would do so hit Tseng like a freight train at full speed.

"If you're after his highness, than you have indeed dialed the correct number. After all, the caller ID did show your name, Tseng, so you two do know each other," the voice on the line purred, jolting Tseng out of his spiral of dark thoughts. "He's in the shower right now but I can take a message for you. You do stutter so adorably, after all."

Tseng could only breathe into the receiver, trying to get his thoughts into some kind of array as his mind was flooded with questions. Yes, it was Sephiroth's phone but who was this man answering it and if Sephiroth was in the shower… As far as Tseng knew, Sephiroth only ever showered at his own apartment, disliking using the communal facilities, so they must be at his apartment. Were they lovers? And why did that thought hurt so very much?

"Hmm, hello? You know, you can speak to me. I only bite if you really, _really_ deserve it." The mystery voice was full of amusement now, a chuckle sounding down the line as Tseng's grip on his phone increased. He should just hang up now, but found his fingers wouldn't release it.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you. It was not important," Tseng finally managed, his voice back to its normal unemotional state.

"Hey, hang on a minute. You have to tell me how you know him. Seph never gets calls unless they're from the Director, Angeal or me," the voice continued as Tseng's frown began to give him a headache. "Oh and 'professor fucked up' calls too, but he doesn't count. But alas, I am wandering off on a tangent. Simply put, I need to know, Tseng… Whoare you to Sephiroth?"

"No one of importance. My apologies for disturbing you," Tseng murmured, finally able to make his fingers move as he pulled the device away from his ear and ended the call, turning off his phone and throwing it on his bed side table as if the touch of it burnt his hands.

_Who are you to Sephiroth?_

That was one question Tseng had never known the answer to.

***.***

The next day Tseng was back to his normal self, cool and focused in every way. He didn't think about Sephiroth, putting the other man out of his mind once and for all. Last night had showed him that no matter who that person was on the phone, he was at least a friend of Sephiroth's and that meant the general didn't need him anymore.

Tseng achieved his first perfect score with his handgun in target practice and Veld lost that worried look he'd had for the last week. All was back to how it should be and Tseng relaxed into the oblivion of his regular daily schedule, going home at the end of the day to shower and have his dinner without once thinking of the general. The best thing about becoming a Turk over joining SOLDIER was the fact that there weren't very many of them, so each were allowed their own apartment and the luxury of privacy.

Settling in to his favorite chair, Tseng stared at the rain that was steadily falling outside, his mind, without warning, turning to thoughts of Sephiroth and the mystery voice on the phone. Frowning at his traitorous brain, Tseng picked up a textbook on explosives and began to read, letting the words wash away all other thoughts.

It was hours later when Tseng suddenly got the feeling he was being watched and looked up to find two men standing in the room with him. He was so startled that he dropped the book he was reading, lunging onto his feet only to recognize one of the men and freeze on the spot.

"Hello, Tseng," Sephiroth greeted, voice calm and relaxed as if he hadn't just appeared in Tseng's apartment, uninvited.

"W-what?" Tseng blurted out. Seeing Sephiroth again, just when he'd finally managed to exorcise him from his mind, made Tseng's stomach curl uncomfortably. The questions of how the general had came to be in his room and why he was here, quickly rushed forth but Tseng couldn't find the words to ask.

"Oh, he's stuttering again. I do love it when he does that," the other man in the room interjected, pulling Tseng's gaze over to find a redheaded man smirking in his direction, arms crossed across his chest. "Remember me from the phone, little Turk in training?"

"Genesis," Sephiroth hissed. "Shut up."

"But you haven't even properly introduced us yet, Seph. It's rather rude not to introduce your new _best_ _friend_ to your old _best_ _friend_, isn't it?" Genesis purred. Tseng glared at the redhead, unsure of why he suddenly hated this man he didn't even know.

"Get out of my apartment," Tseng growled, watching as the smile disappeared from Genesis' face.

"And what if I do not wish to? Are you going to try to make me, little Turk?" Genesis asked, hands unfolding as Tseng moved his legs into a defensive position. In reality he knew he had no chance against a SOLDIER's advanced strength, but he would not be intimidated in his own home.

"Genesis, stop it now," Sephiroth suddenly interrupted, moving in front of Tseng and facing the redhead. "You promised to assist me in this." Nobody moved for a few minutes, the two SOLDIERs facing off as Tseng clamped down on his urge to ask what 'this' exactly was.

The redhead finally scoffed, his smirk returning as he moved to sit down on the sofa, crossing his legs and relaxing back into the cushions. "See, I'm behaving," he muttered indignantly, glancing around the room. "Can I at least watch the television so I do not die of boredom?"

"My apologies, Tseng. I would not have brought him with me unless it was necessary," Sephiroth explained, turning towards Tseng and ignoring the redhead's request. "I am under rather intense observation at the moment and if I were to come here alone, it would have raised questions. Genesis is one of the firsts that I work with and his presence will allow this to be explained away as a simple social visit, if we are discovered. Our need for discretion is also why we did not knock and instead, let ourselves in. Please forgive our rudeness."

Tseng relaxed his stance while the general spoke, nodding away the explanation and apology. He tried to ignore how disturbed he was by the fact he hadn't heard them enter at all, the oversight only adding to how vulnerable he felt right now, standing in only his tracksuit pants and no shirt. "Why are you here, Sephiroth?" he finally asked.

"You called me," Sephiroth stated flatly, pausing for a moment before adding with a small smile, "…finally."

Tseng frowned, unable to deny it but too embarrassed to explain why he had called. A certain redhead smirking at him from behind Sephiroth wasn't helping in the slightest. "May we speak privately… in my room?" he finally asked, a hand coming up to thread through his hair nervously.

The general nodded and Tseng led the way, picking up the remote for the television from the side table and throwing it at Genesis' chuckling head on the way past. Unfortunately, the SOLDIER caught it, mumbling something about testy Turk's as Tseng waited for Sephiroth to enter his room, following him in and closing the door.

Taking a deep breath, Tseng turned only to find himself pulled into an embrace, his own bare chest pressed up tight against a combination of leather and bare skin. Sephiroth's general uniform was something he'd been shocked at the first time he'd seen it, and he would never admit to anyone that he kept one of the press release photos of it in his memory box, along with a single photo of Sephiroth and him in the rooftop garden.

"I have missed you," Sephiroth whispered, one of his hands coming up to thread through Tseng's hair as the other held him in place, around his waist. "Why have you not called? It has been six months and you… you said that day that you didn't want to let me go."

Tseng sighed, finally relaxing and wrapping his own arms around Sephiroth's waist to return the embrace. "I wanted to, but…."

"But what?" Sephiroth asked. When Tseng didn't answer, the general breathed out, resting his chin on Tseng's head. "I know it is difficult for us to see each other, but it is not impossible. I thought we agreed…."

"You're going to Wutai," Tseng murmured, not wanting to discuss why he hadn't called. They both knew the obvious reasons, but to tell Sephiroth that just the thought of him threw Tseng off course and unhinged his ability to perform? That was something Tseng could never do.

"I will be coming back. Or do you have so little faith in me?"

Tseng pulled back enough to look up at his friend, a small smile on his face. "I see your ego has grown since I last saw you."

"I am told other parts of me have grown as well," Sephiroth replied, grinning.

Tseng chuckled before he could stop himself, having missed the easy teasing they'd once shared. "Oh yes, I do believe you are a little taller," he murmured softly.

"And I believe you have not grown at all." Sephiroth's reply made Tseng frown as his height was a sore spot for him. At sixteen, he knew he would eventually get taller, but he was impatient when so many around him outsized him so.

"That is a low thing to say, general. I have, in fact, grown five centimeters taller since you last saw me."

Sephiroth chuckled, ruffling Tseng's hair as he tried to push away from the bigger man. Of course, it was a fruitless attempt as even one of the general's arms was enough to hold him easily. Tseng eventually gave up and just glared up at Sephiroth, his hair now sticking up at odd angles.

"You are a bastard," Tseng muttered, trying to ignore how happy this visit was making him feel.

"Admit it, you love this bastard," Sephiroth suddenly whispered, his words startling Tseng enough that he was completely unprepared for the kiss that followed, moaning into it when Sephiroth's tongue immediately pushed into his mouth without pause.

They'd shared many kisses in the past, but none had been like this one. This one was hungry and passionate, nothing like the gentle explorations of the past. When Sephiroth finally pulled back to look down at him, Tseng was breathing fast, his face flushed as he stared up at the general with wide eyes.

"Goddess, do you have to look so edible?" Sephiroth purred, kissing him again and dispelling what little sense remained in Tseng's mind. There was no resistance left in him as he surrendered, the kiss seeming to last forever as he clung to the general's waist. It was only when he was suddenly pushed down onto his bed that his mind focused once more, the cool sheets against his too hot skin jolting a little sense into him. Unfortunately, it was only to realize that his pants were gone and he had a very naked general now crawling over him.

"Where are my pants?" he asked dumbly, frowning as he tried to hide his fear at being so exposed. His mind was still blurry and too slow as he fought all the conflicting emotions swirling around in it. Lust and excitement battled with the fear and anxiety to make him freeze in place, his muscles tensing in aversion even though his need still throbbed between his legs. He'd been touched sexually before as a child, but he'd never felt any reaction other than horror and disgust back then. This was completely different.

"I need to feel all of you, to memorize every inch of you before I go," Sephiroth replied softly, nuzzling Tseng's neck and doing something with his tongue that was giving the Turk goosebumps all over his body. "Your pants will be there for you when I am finished."

The absurdity of the answer should have been apparent to Tseng, but at that moment he was too busy pushing his hips up into Sephiroth's, hissing at the feeling of their cocks rubbing together. "Seph," he gasped, his hands grasping fistfuls of silver silk and hanging on. "I-I don't know… I have never…," he stuttered out, trying to explain that he didn't know what to do.

"I know. Just let me take care of you," Sephiroth replied, his mouth moving back to Tseng lips to kiss all concerns away. When a hand wrapped around Tseng's cock and started to stroke, he groaned into the general's mouth, fists tightening in his hair as he came after only two movements, his body trembling as Sephiroth's hand didn't stop, continuing to fondle him as he whimpered from how over sensitive his shaft had become. With no break in the general's kisses, he couldn't verbally complain, and after a little while his cock was hardening again, both of their bodies damp with sweat as they writhed together.

"You will always be mine, no matter how hard you try to run from me," Sephiroth whispered into his ear, the words setting off alarm bells in Tseng's mind before they were swept away by tongue and lips that moved down over his chest and began taunting one of his nipples. He arched up into the strange sensation, so distracted by it that he never even noticed that the general had maneuvered between his legs, spreading them wide. When Sephiroth began to move lower, Tseng could only stare, his hands still gripping onto that silver hair but moving with Sephiroth as he inched lower.

The first lick to his cock made him try to flinch away from how intense it felt, but his hips were held firmly in place by Sephiroth, who smirked up at him before running his tongue up the underside of Tseng's shaft. The moan that escaped him without warning was too loud and sounded so needy that Tseng's face instantly heated up in shame. It only seemed to encourage the general though, as he chuckled a little before taking Tseng cock into his mouth and swallowing down the whole length.

And Tseng had thought the last sound he had made was embarrassing.

He soon forgot the shame, the sensations too overwhelming as he let his body move and make whatever sounds it wished too. Sephiroth worked him like an expert, bringing him to the brink a couple of times only to pull back at the last moment, not letting him find his climax again. Tseng was left desperately needing to come, his legs spread wide as he shamelessly moaned, hands having released the general's hair earlier in favor of fisting the sheets on his bed.

"There is only one way I will let you find your completion again," Sephiroth finally informed him, expression intense as he met Tseng's eyes over the length of his trembling body.

The sudden feeling of a slick finger tracing the cleft of his backside and pausing to circle his entrance had Tseng's eyes flying wide, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find words to make this stop. Fear made his whole body tense as he argued with himself, trying to push past the apprehension. "I do not enjoy pain," he managed to mumble out.

"And yet, you do not push me away," Sephiroth murmured, finger pausing at his entrance as he used his other hand to move one of Tseng's legs, bending it at the knee and pushing it up to rest to one side of Tseng's chest. Leaning in, he kissed the tender skin of Tseng's inner thigh, eyes roaming over the Turk's exposed areas. "Why?"

"If this is what you want… I am willing to give it to you," Tseng responded, taking in deep breaths and managing to begin to relax his coiled muscles. He could do this for Sephiroth, willing to give his friend whatever he needed before he left for Wutai… possibly to never come back.

The general simply watched him, his expression softening as his free hand gently caressed over where he had kissed. "You always give me what I need," Sephiroth whispered, moving up over him to kiss his lips again, a slow dance of tongues that went for so long that Tseng became accustomed to the finger held against his entrance, forgetting it was there momentarily. When it suddenly pushed forward, he gasped in a breath, Sephiroth's mouth still on his own, breathing in his fear as he slowly pushed the digit in deeper. Tseng whimpered pathetically when Sephiroth's other hand wrapped around his partially deflated erection, stroking it gently back to life as the finger inside of him remained still and he adjusted to the strange sensation.

By the time Sephiroth started moving the finger in and out, Tseng had both arms wrapped around him, kissing him back as his hips thrust up into the hand around his cock. There was no pain, only that odd feeling, and Tseng found it easy enough to ignore with the other enjoyable things the general was doing to him. The discomfort of it increased a couple of times, but by then Sephiroth had moved down his body to swallow his cock again, so Tseng didn't complain. The general had both of Tseng's legs up and spread wide by now and his cock was rock hard, throbbing for release against Sephiroth's tongue. Of course, the general didn't let him reach his peak though, removing his mouth to sit up and smile at him as Tseng groaned in frustration.

As Sephiroth continued to watch him, the digit inside of him pushed in deep, touching something that made Tseng gasp out an involuntary moan and arch his back. Panting, he looked with wide eyes at the now grinning general, trying to work out what had just happened. "Not so bad, is it?" Sephiroth teased, pushing in deep to touch the same spot again as Tseng hissed, trying to control his reactions. "You might want to rethink your initial reservations… one would think," Sephiroth chuckled, hitting the spot over and over as his free hand squeezed the base of Tseng's cock, ensuring he would not climax.

"F-fuck," Tseng gasped, breathing heavily as the general finally stopped purposefully hitting his prostate, his finger still inside of Tseng but only moving slightly.

"Yes, well that is my aim, at least," Sephiroth murmured. "You see, I have no intention of just fucking you because _you_ have some strange duty bound urge to let me. I want you to want me… desperately. I want you to beg to have my cock in you. I want to dirty you completely and have you want it too."

"B-but I…," Tseng began, trying to keep his hips still as the urge to push down on the invasion increased. "That's just a finger. Your… it will hurt," Tseng mumbled, face burning.

"It's three fingers, actually," Sephiroth stated smugly, pushing in deep and wriggling his fingers to emphasize his point. "See how easily they fit without you feeling any pain?"

Tseng was mortified, staring up at Sephiroth with a helpless look as he tried to deal with the fact he hadn't noticed the addition of another two fingers. The general was correct though… it didn't hurt and his body certainly seemed to want more as his hips were twitching maddeningly.

Sephiroth sighed at the look Tseng was giving him, glancing off to the side where his coat lay discarded on the bed. The general began searching through the inner pockets with one hand, as his other resumed its torturous thrusting inside of Tseng. Closing his eyes, Tseng finally gave in to his body's urge and let his hips push back, his face so hot he was beginning to think it would catch fire.

"Hmmm…," Sephiroth's voice purred after a few minutes, Tseng whimpering at the humiliation of what he was doing. The general had stilled his digits and was leaving it all up to Tseng who couldn't stop pushing back on them if his life depended on it. The angle was perfect, the fingers inside of him hitting that spot over and over again.

"Seph," he finally pleaded. "Please let me come."

"Tempting, but you know what I want. As stubborn as you are, you will find I am more so," Sephiroth informed him. "As for your concern over the pain, I have something that might allay your fears and let you be more openly enthusiastic. Open your eyes."

Tseng had a feeling he would regret doing so, but pure curiosity had him opening his eyes anyway. Frowning in confusion when he realized Sephiroth was holding a phone up in front of him, his expression soon turned to one of horror when the general hit a button on the device.

"See how easily all those fingers fit inside of you?" Sephiroth chuckled. Tseng could only splutter indignantly, trying to grab for the phone to remove the offending video only to have Sephiroth move it out of his reach. "Don't pout now Tseng. Nobody would ever know that was your ass and besides, it will be nice to have a reminder of you while I'm away."

"Delete it now you bastard!" Tseng growled, glaring up at the general.

Sephiroth only laughed down at him, closing the device and throwing it back over on his jacket as he crawled up and over Tseng's body. "Do you have any idea how you look, glaring up at me while you continue fucking yourself on my fingers? You should consider yourself lucky I don't record the whole scene of debauchery that you are displaying."

Scowling, Tseng looked away, feeling the shame of it all but unable to make his body stop moving. "It's your fault… making me like this," he muttered, trying to ignore the general as he nuzzled his cheek affectionately, trying to get him to turn for a kiss.

"Tseng… I love you," Sephiroth suddenly whispered, Tseng turning his shocked expression towards the general only to have his lips stolen in a kiss. He hummed his annoyance at being tricked but his complaint was only half hearted at best as his anger was quickly dissipated.

There was no warning before Sephiroth pulled out his fingers, leaving Tseng feeling empty as their kiss ended. The general gazed down at him, expression unreadable as Tseng wriggled beneath him in discomfort. "Seph," he heard himself whine, frowning at how needy and pathetic his voice came out.

"Yes?" Sephiroth responded, the edge of his mouth twitching as he tried to stop himself smiling.

Tseng growled in annoyance, but he knew he had already lost. His cock was so painfully hard that he reasoned Sephiroth's cock inside of him couldn't hurt any more than the constant denial of orgasm had already. "Please do it," Tseng mumbled, eyes glaring at Sephiroth's shoulder stubbornly.

"Pardon, I didn't quiet catch that," Sephiroth replied, moving so that his cock bumped Tseng's entrance, making the Turk suck in a breath in preparation for entry… which still didn't happen.

"You sadistic bastard," Tseng hissed, his glare intensifying as he finally meet the general's gaze. "I said, fuck me. What do you want? A fucking written invitation?" he yelled out, temper flaring at being made to ask simply to embarrass him further when it was obvious what he wanted.

Sephiroth looked taken back at the venom and volume of Tseng outburst, staring in shock for a few moments until the sound of Genesis' laughter in the next room invaded their space. "Oh fucking wonderful," Tseng muttered, hands coming up to cover his face. He'd forgotten all about the bastard just outside the door.

"Tseng… Tseng, don't hide your face. I'm sorry, I was just playing. I didn't mean to push too far and make you angry," Sephiroth crooned, kissing the hands that covered his face until Tseng finally moved them. "You're just so adorable when you're flustered. I couldn't resist pushing, but I didn't mean to upset you, truly I didn't."

Tseng was still frowning, but he didn't turn away from Sephiroth's kiss, returning it in a silent acceptance of the apology. This time, the general continued kissing him as he finally pushed his hips forward, slowly entering him and not stopping until he was fully inside of Tseng. It burned, but it was more of a strange discomfort than a pain.

Sephiroth finally ended the kiss, looking down at him so intensely that Tseng found himself caught in his eyes, unable to look away. "You alright?" Sephiroth asked, pecking his lips slowly as he waited for a reply.

"Yes… I… it feels weird," Tseng murmured, still frowning as he wriggled his hips a little, surprised that the small movement made Sephiroth hiss and squeeze his eyes closed. "Maybe I should be asking if you're alright?"

Sephiroth chuckled, eyes slowly opening. "It is just… intense. You are very tight and feel very good… too good actually," he whispered. "I really, really want to move and your wriggling is torturous."

Tseng smiled wickedly, thrilled with the realization that Sephiroth was struggling with this too, showing a weakness of his own. Watching the general's handsome face, he purposefully wriggled again, his smile widening at the reaction of almost pain on Sephiroth's face. "It feels that good?" he asked, almost chuckling at the growl his teasing caused from his friend.

"Yes, now stop fishing for compliments," Sephiroth replied, circling his hips as they grinned at each other like the teenagers they were. Finally, the general pulled back slightly and pushed forward once more, Tseng's hands moving to circle his shoulders as he arched into the movement.

"More… please," he murmured, forgetting to be embarrassed as Sephiroth began to move faster, increasing the depth and strength of his thrusts as Tseng moved with him. The burning disappeared, replaced by heat and throbbing and constant hits on that place inside that had Tseng moaning for more. Sephiroth kept murmuring encouragement and endearments but Tseng couldn't return any of them, too busy trying to breathe through the sensory overload he was experiencing. His legs where now wrapped firmly around Sephiroth's waist, pulling him in with every thrust, even though he didn't remember putting them there.

It didn't take long for Tseng to climax, groaning out Sephiroth's name, as his hands grabbed on to the man above him as hard as he could. Just when he began to regain some sense, he felt Sephiroth's rhythm falter, his own name falling from his friends lips as he felt the general come inside of him, warmth flooding through him as he clung to him and waited for him to finish.

Lying together in a jumble of limbs, Sephiroth nuzzled his neck as they both rested, heart beats slowly going back to normal and skin cooling. Tseng was smiling, despite the feeling of being well and truly disheveled.

"Finally I got to make you dirty. I'm so proud," Sephiroth mumbled, making Tseng chuckle despite the obvious tease.

"This is one kind of dirty I don't mind so much," Tseng replied, happy to see Sephiroth was smiling too when he lifted himself up on his elbows.

"I'm very glad to here that," the general said softly through his smile, leaning closer lay a single kiss to Tseng's forehead before pulling himself out of the smaller man's body. "I consider you mine now… although I feel I should tell you that I don't share what is mine."

Tseng raised an eyebrow, about to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean when Sephiroth's phone began to ring and the general turned away to answer it, leaving Tseng watching as his happy mood slowly dissipated. Tseng didn't want to be owned, he wanted to be loved, but when it came down to it, was there a difference between the two?

Hanging up the phone, Sephiroth scowled as he stood up and began dressing. "I'm sorry but apparently, our absence has finally been discovered," he explained, searching around for the various pieces of his uniform.

Tseng wanted to ask so many things, questions filling his head as he sat up, silently watching Sephiroth dress. When would he see Sephiroth again? Did this mean they were some kind of couple now and if it did, what did that mean anyway? What was Tseng supposed to do and what was expected from him? He'd never really taken any notice of other relationships and was lost on what was supposed to happen next. It wasn't that he expected proclamations of love or any kind of grand gesture, he just wanted more than a vague claim of ownership mumbled during post coital bliss.

He was still busy arguing with himself when the general appeared in front of him, giving him a quick kiss and a cheeky smile. "You think far too much, Tseng. I will call you soon, alright?" Sephiroth said, standing up and moving towards the door.

"Oh, alright," Tseng mumbled, running a hand through his hair as Sephiroth opened the door to find Genesis standing outside smirking.

"I got the call too and was about to knock," the redhead explained, glancing past the general and giving Tseng a long look. "Well look at you," he murmured softly, his tone of voice making Tseng glare back at him.

"Genesis, leave him alone. It is time we weren't here," Sephiroth growled, glancing back once to give Tseng a last smile before herding the other man down the hallway. Tseng could still hear them arguing after his front door slammed closed, although he couldn't hear what it was they were arguing about.

Sighing, he lay back down in his bed and tried to work out why he'd given himself to Sephiroth so easily and what would happen now he had.

***THE END***

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><p>ACSTD<p> 


	5. E : Elena

kupo

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><p><strong>Pairing<strong> – Tseng / Elena

**Characters** – Tseng, Elena

**Warnings** – Sex, infidelity

**Thanks **– To my dear Calvi_sama who encouraged me to be brave and post this chapter. My first ever het scene… read at your own risk.

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><p>Tseng was sitting in his tiny excuse for a room, staring at the opposite wall with a blank expression. It had been three months since Rufus had contracted the Geostigma, two and a half months since Tseng had first discovered the truth behind Rufus' sudden refusal to let him touch him anymore, a week since Rufus had giving up altogether and refused to get out of bed.<p>

Healin' Lodge was quiet, always too quiet. There was nothing to distract him from his own spiraling thoughts, no work to turn his mind to so he could at least pretend it wasn't real. Rufus was dying, slowly and painfully and there was nothing he could do to save him. He'd been sitting here for the last three hours, staring at a crack that ran up the wall without moving, numbed to stillness by the reality he couldn't escape.

Tseng couldn't take it anymore. Losing Rufus... it was unacceptable. He had already lost so much and like a child, his mind couldn't let go of the thought that it just wasn't fucking fair. A part of him couldn't help but believe it was all his fault, that everyone who came to love him ended up dead in the end, like some kind of curse that ensured he'd always be alone.

Rufus hadn't loved him at first. Tseng had been a challenge to the youth, the one person who wouldn't break and bow before his power and beauty. Of course, that had only made Rufus want to own him in every way, even more. Eventually, Tseng had given in physically. It had taken far longer for his heart to admit defeat, but when it had, he'd realized Rufus was still playing him like a puppet for his own amusement.

It had been a shock when Rufus' heart finally did surrender. The first word Rufus had mumbled when he'd regained consciousness after the weapon's attack had been Tseng's name. When his eyes had focused on Tseng, leaning over his bed with wide hopeful eyes, Rufus had smiled. It had been a true smile rather than one of his more common and less pure smirks. Hours had passed before the Shinra heir had even remembered his company or thought to ask about what had happened to the world at large.

They'd had so little time together after that… before everything had fallen apart.

A sudden knock at the door cut off Tseng's thoughts and he sighed with relief but didn't move to answer it. His body seemed to be paralyzed by the pain he couldn't express, by the need to cry that his body continued to refuse. Getting up wouldn't make a difference anyway.

The door opened and he heard someone walk in, slowly closing it behind them. Tseng didn't turn to look who it was, his arms hanging limply at his sides as he sat slumped in the one chair that occupied his room. Even when the intruder came to stand in front of him, his eyes stayed in place, now staring at the button in his line of sight.

"Tseng," the gentle voice murmured, soft but resolute. "I won't let you do this. You're stronger than this and you know it."

Looking up, his eyes met Elena's, the feeling of vague surprise enough to force his movement. "Elena?" he mumbled, confused by her sudden appearance and the determination laced through her features.

"Tseng of the Turks does not give up. He does not fall into despair simply because his charge does. This is not you and I will not allow you to be anything other than your true self," she insisted, bending down until their faces where aligned, only a small space between them. "You _will _snap out of this, Sir."

The sudden press of lips against his own stole Tseng's breath away, but his arms didn't move as he froze in place, eyes open and trying to focus on his too close companion. Her hands rose up to cup his cheeks, holding him in place as her lips became more forceful, head tilting to the side as her tongue forced it's way into his mouth, his muted grunt of objection completely ignored.

It was surprisingly… good. Tseng found himself kissing back, eyes falling closed as their tongues twisted together, his breath speeding up as his arousal grew. Elena maneuvered onto his lap without breaking the kiss, straddling his legs and moving closer almost gently, a strange contrast to the demanding and irrefutable kiss. Tseng found his hands on her hips without conscious thought, pulling her closer and making her gasp into his mouth as his erection pressed flush against her body.

His mind was muddled, confused and so surprised by the wave of want that he grinded forward against her, ignoring the thread of doubt that was mumbling about her being the wrong person, the wrong gender. Right in this moment, gender seemed so unimportant and despite the obvious difference in the softness of the body pressed against his, he felt nothing but need.

When her hands started to unbutton his shirt, his own moved to do the same to hers. It was only when he touched her breasts that he paused, the sudden uncertainty of what to do making him tense, unknown territory never his strong point. She released his lips, eyes intent on his as she sat back a little. Tseng's hands had stopped just under her breasts, resting on her ribs as his thumbs tentatively brushed the underside of her bra.

"They're just like men's… mostly," she whispered, letting her jacket and shirt fall to the floor as her hands twisted around her back to unhook her bra. She removed it without any hesitation, a small smile on her face as she regarded him solemnly. "Touch them," she added, her own hands moving to rest on Tseng shoulders, idly playing with his hair as she waited.

Tseng swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes moving from her face to her breasts as he moved a hand to cup one. It was firm but soft, small enough to be cradled in his palm with the nipple hard against his skin. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he moved his other hand to do the same, gently squeezing a little as he became accustomed to the difference. Glancing up, he found Elena was still smiling and she nodded her head in encouragement, sitting up and pushing her chest out little, against his hands. Eyes moving back down, he began experimenting, teasing the nipples with his fingers and fondling the mounds that surrounded them.

Remembering what she's said about them being similar to a man's, he leant forward to take a nipple between his lips. Elena's intake of air was encouraging, so he continued, licking and kissing over the softness of her breasts as he moved to give the other side the same attention.

He could hear her breath speeding up and as she threaded her hands through his hair, he discovered his own heartbeat was fast, his cock aching. The thought of slipping inside of her filled his mind and it brought him nothing but more want, his lips making their way upwards, across the soft expanse of her neck to one small, delicate ear. "I want to feel what it is like inside of you," he murmured, biting lightly on the lobe as one hand continued caressing a breast, the other slipping lower to rub between her legs, tentative but eager.

Elena gasped, pushing her hips into his hand as she whispered a soft 'yes' to his statement before she rose up off his lap. He was worried for a moment, thinking that he had misheard her or done the wrong thing. She didn't move away though, standing in front of him as her hands moved to the front of her pants, undoing them and pushing them and her underwear to the floor. Tseng stared at her, his eyes roaming over her naked form in surprise of how much desire he felt before he reached out to her, wanting her back close to him again.

Elena took his hand in hers, giving it a quick kiss before releasing it and reaching forward to open the fastenings on his pants. Tseng's face flushed, embarrassed by the fact he was being so passive but when he tried to help she refused to let him. "A little late for blushing now, Sir," she teased, kissing him before he could respond as her hands started working his pants down over his hips. He lifted himself off the chair a little to assist, kissing her back enthusiastically. He really liked the way Elena kissed him, soft but dominating.

Once he was bare too, she moved back onto his lap, the warmth of her skin against his thighs a comforting weight. When her hand wrapped around his cock, he gasped in surprise but she only kissed him more forcefully, not letting him voice any objection. Honestly, he didn't feel the need to object anyway, only felt the need to respond in kind. Unsure of what to do, he moved one hand to rest on her backside as the other maneuvered down between her legs.

His touches were hesitant and clumsy at first, Tseng growling in frustration into her mouth. She didn't let him give up though, just as she would never let him surrender. Keeping their lips locked together, Elena began to moan softly when he did something right, leading him as he discovered how to please her. After years of working together as partners, it took very little time for them to correlate, Tseng's confidence growing with every sound she made.

Once she broke the insistent kiss to breathe better between her moans, he slipped two fingers back further, finding her entrance and sliding into it, surprised by the warm wetness and how different it was to what he knew. She was so open to him, inviting and welcoming in a way he'd never experienced before. The need to be inside of her was overwhelming and his gasps took on a desperate note, his self control falling away as he began to thrust up into her hand.

"Tseng," she whispered as she lifted in place on his lap, her hand around his cock lining him up with her entrance as his fingers pulled out, caressing over hers around his cock. Their eyes met and locked together as their hands moved away, now grasped together. Elena sunk down slowly, lips slightly parted as her eyelids fluttered, taking him in easily as he gazed in wonder at her.

There was no pause as she sunk down and at first he was worried she would be hurt, but then he remembered, she was no man. Her breasts brushed across his chest as she began riding him, slow at first as she gazed down at him. It felt so different, but it was still good… no, more than good. Tseng found himself wondering for a moment why he'd never pursued a female lover in the past, before Elena sped up and the thought was washed away in a wave of pleasure, his lips seeking out Elena's for another kiss.

He wanted it to last, wanted his first experience with a woman to be something memorable, for both of them. Unfortunately, it had been far too long since Tseng had last climaxed, as he hadn't even masturbated for months, too racked by grief for his libido to surface. His orgasm hit too quickly and he could only cling to Elena, face buried in her neck as he gasped through it, breathing in her scent as he whispered her name.

When his thoughts cleared, he looked up at her, mortified that he'd come so quickly, before she'd found her own completion. "I'm s-sorry," he stuttered, the nervous speech defect from his youth coming back to only increase his embarrassment. "You didn't…."

Elena's finger pressed against his lips, stopping his awkward apology from continuing. "I'm not here for that. I'm here for you," she whispered, smiling down at him with her face flushed. She was so beautiful and he didn't understand how he'd never noticed before. Her hands moved back to cup his face as she kissed him again, this time gently as if he were something precious. It reminded him of the way Rufus used to kiss him and suddenly he was raked by guilt at the thought of his lover. The blond was only rooms away, dying and here he was screwing his workmate.

"Goddess, what have I done?" he muttered into her lips as his whole body tensed.

"Nothing. You've done nothing, Tseng," Elena whispered soothingly, one hand moving to stroke his hair as the other kept his face from turning away. "I know you love him and love isn't what this is about. It's not about you and me, it's just about you."

"What?" Tseng blurted, frowning as he tried to follow Elena's words.

"Well, it's basically about making you feel better. Do you feel better?"

Tseng stared at her, taken back by the question. "Do I feel better?" he repeated back to her, a confused frown falling over his face.

Elena raised an eyebrow before her lips curled up into a smile and she began to giggle, one hand coming up to cover her mouth in a gesture that Tseng would of called coy, if he wasn't presently still sitting with his cock inside of her. The absurdity of the whole situation soon had him smiling through his confusion, her amusement contagious. She was still chuckling lightly as she climbed off his lap, pulling her clothes back on as he watched, unable to move as his brain tried to find sense where none existed.

"You just… to cheer me up?"

"To jolt you out of the hopeless hole you'd fallen into, more accurately," Elena retorted, running a hand through her mused hair to straighten it. "Seriously, Tseng, you've never fallen like this before. I know you love him, we all know that, but he needs you to be his hope right now, not a mirror image of his despair. Talking to you was getting us nowhere and we'd all simply just… well, run out of ideas. Reno volunteered, but Rude and I thought that he might just make your depression worse."

She paused to laugh at her reference to the redhead. "He was so pissed off that Rude agreed with me on that point. Reno then insisted you wouldn't want me, as I'm female and all, but I told him I always believed that you never took a female lover simply because you never had a chance too. After all, you've been stuck being Rufus' bodyguard for years, and he wouldn't share your attention, even before the two of you got together. Anyway, in the end we agreed that whether you slept with me or not, the fact I'd tried to seduce you would knock you out of the silent fog you were in better than anything else we could think up. Do you even realize you hadn't said a word to any of us for five days?"

"Wait… you all decided this together?" Tseng asked, his disbelief clear as he sat there naked, staring at his partner as if she'd lost her mind.

"Reno, Rude and myself. Rufus needs you now and so do we. Drastic times call for drastic measures and all… oh, not that this was some kind of trial for me, rest assured. I'd always been curious what it would be like and, as everyone knows, I did used to have a bit of a crush on you." Leaning in close again, she left one last chaste kiss on his lips, her grin pure innocence as she added, "I have to say, you are adorable when you're turned on, Sir. No wonder Rufus can't keep his hands off you."

"You're completely insane," Tseng murmured, smiling in hopeless disbelief.

"Why thank you, Sir. Now I feel like a real Turk." Still giggling, she gave a mock salute and sauntered over to the door. "Now remember, any more silent depression and walking around like it's the end of the world and you'll find me back in here, setting you straight." She opened the door and walked through it, pausing to lean back in and add, "And no faking just to get into my pants."

As the door closed, Tseng began to chuckle, and he suspected it was because he'd finally lost the little sanity he'd had left. Then again, if Rufus ever found out about this, he doubted he'd live long enough to miss it.

***the end***

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><p>ACSTE<p> 


	6. F : Finality

15

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 6 - <strong>F : FINALITY

**PAIRINGS** – _Sephiroth/Tseng, a little Reno/Tseng._

**CHARACTERS** – _Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena, Sephiroth, Genesis_

**WARNINGS** – _Swearing, sex, alcohol, angst, questionable sanity._

**TIMELINE** – _Pre Crisis Core_

**SPECIAL THANKS** – _ice_lady, seeing_red, danslalune27, chephren and three anonymous contributors for the word suggestions._

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><p><strong>NOTES<strong> –

_Okay, I had a lot of trouble with this letter, as my mind refused to budge from the obvious F-word. What can I say, one track mind. I asked for help and got a lovely list of words, so I decided to write a story including all 97 of them. It was so much harder than I thought it would be... I think I might have broken my brain. The F-word slipped in there anyway and despite my best efforts to have a sex free chapter, there is sex too. I have no excuses to give, only the shame of being a total pervert. Also, I messed with the timeline to keep Genesis in the story. Consider it AU if it bothers you._

**LIST OF WORDS** -

Face – Fascinated – Fact – Fading – Failure – Fall – Fallen – Falling – Fallout – Faltering – Fame – Family – Fan Fiction – Fan Mail – Fans – Fantastical – Fantasy – Farts – Fast – Fate – Father – Fault – Favorite – Fawn – Features – Feeding – Feel – Felt – Festive – Fiasco – Fiddled – Field – Fifteen – Fight – Finality – Finally – Find – Fingers – Finish – First – Fishing – Five – Fix – Flapjacks – Flatly – Flea – Fling – Flirt – Flirting – Flog – Floor – Flowers – Flush – Fly – Focus – Followed – Fool – Forage – Foray – Force – Foreign – Forensics – Forever – Forget – Form –Formaldehyde – Former – Found – Forward – Fragments – Freak – Free – Fret – Fricassee – Friday – Friends – Friendship – Fringe – Frisk – Front – Frontier – Frost –Fruit – Frustration – Frowning – Fuck – Fugitive – Fulcrum – Full – Funds – Furious – Furniture – Further – Fuselage – Future

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><p>As Tseng sat at his desk, watching the minutes click by on the clock on the wall, he couldn't help but smile. He hadn't had a reason to smile in so long that the expression felt odd on his face, his features unused to the particular pull of dormant muscles.<p>

In around fifteen minutes, or five if Reno decided to get restless, he would close down the office and join his teammates for Friday night drinks. The redhead had been the one to insist on their first foray into Midgar's nightlife, but once their group had found the right place, it had become a regular event. The numbers of participants had dwindled, recent failures taking a heavy toll on the Turk numbers, but that only made the social gathering all the more important.

Veld had once told him that the Turk's survived on the fringe of society, fugitives from normal life and the morals of the common man. Because of this, friendships had to be formed as out in the field, they only ever had each other. Of course, at the time he had been trying to push Tseng into socializing with his teammates more, the older man's constant attempts to make him as 'normal' as possible, never ending even after Tseng had reached adulthood. At the time it had annoyed Tseng, but now... now he would give anything to have his mentor back, pacing the floor as he gave yet another short, but to the point speech. His fatherly presence was something Tseng had relied on, and now that he was gone, Tseng felt like he was constantly tripping up and falling on his face in social situations and personal relationships.

A perfect example was his recent estrangement from Sephiroth. The whole relationship was a foreign concept to Tseng, something he'd fallen into rather then chosen to be a part of. The time they'd spent together hadn't increased his understanding, Sephiroth never willing to explain his furious outbursts that seemed mostly random to Tseng. Now that the general had walked away, Tseng didn't know how to fix whatever it was he had done wrong and get him back. He missed what they'd had, even if he didn't comprehend all of the emotional complexities behind it. All he did know was that when Sephiroth kissed him, he felt like he could fly and it made his chest ache to think he'd never feel that again.

Desperation had pushed him to ask Reno for advice and the redhead had implied it may be his fault, but that made no sense to Tseng at all. Reno was his protégé, a brother in arms and someone Tseng had an overwhelming urge to protect. There had never been anything sexual between them and he had made that fact clear to Sephiroth many times earlier in their relationship, after Veld advised him to. Yes, they were close and Reno was a terminal flirt, but Sephiroth was close to Genesis too, and he wasn't any more subtle than Reno. The other general was constantly flirting with Sephiroth in front of Tseng and he never once blamed Sephiroth or insisted the two end their friendship.

Tseng couldn't help but think that if Veld was here, he would clear it all up for him in a matter of minutes, but without him, Tseng was left fishing for some kind of solution from Reno, who seemed to dislike Sephiroth and discourage Tseng's former relationship with him rather vocally.

Sighing in frustration, Tseng closed his eyes and spent a moment away from his concerns, just remembering Veld. He could still see him in his memories, all harsh lines and tired tension. Most people would never meet the Head Turk's gaze, afraid of the steel they assumed would be there, but Tseng always did and was rewarded with the warmth that hid in their depths. He would forever be thankful for their time together and all he had learned from the older Turk.

"Hope you're not dreaming of Elena with that expression," Reno's voice purred, jolting Tseng back to reality. The warmth of Veld's memory faded as he opened his eyes to find the redhead perched on the end of his desk, unlit cigarette in his mouth as one hand fiddled with his lighter. "Hey, don't give me that look. It's already ten minutes past knock off and I was waiting patiently until Rude started complaining. He nags me something shocking when you're not around, ya know. That silent act he puts on for everyone else is just all smoke and mirrors and..."

"Reno, shut up," Tseng interrupted, leaning forward to snatch the cigarette from between his junior's lips. He felt real affection for the youth before him, but sometimes he still felt like fate had been sadistic in heaping him in Tseng's lap... quiet literally, the first time they'd met. "Your nicotine cravings are the only thing nagging you."

"Not true. My alcoholism has perked up to say hello, as has my libibo. Think you can help me out?" the redhead teased, smirk all promises and poison as he leaned back on the desk.

"I'll buy you a drink," Tseng replied flatly, ignoring the flirting to stand up and slip his jacket on, turning away from the display. Honestly, he did find Reno attractive but he'd had enough of sexual flings for the time being, Sephiroth still a wound that hadn't scarred over yet. In his present state of vulnerability, Reno would fricassee what remained of his dignity, leaving nothing but crumbs behind. Ignoring the chuckling redhead, Tseng headed for the door to find Rude waiting patiently in the hall.

"Sir."

"Rude."

"Gee, you two are like gossiping housewives. Enough of the chatter, lets get to the bar and drown another weeks worth of bullshit, eh?" Reno announced, slinking out into the hall and stopping between them before managing to snatch back the cigarette still held by Tseng.

"You light that up in the building and I will put you on sewer duty, Reno," Tseng murmured, turning to head for the lifts.

"What, even in the basement car park?" Reno asked, moving to walk next to him as Rude followed behind.

"Yes. It is, after all, in the building, is it not?" Tseng replied, looking up to find one of the lifts out of order and the other on the ground floor. Sighing as he tried to keep his patience, he was surprised by the redhead's lack of retort, so he glanced over.

"Something bothering you, boss?" the youth asked, suddenly serious as he tilted his head a little to one side, examining Tseng with the same expression he used on the flowers in Aerith's church.

"You, at the present time," Tseng answered, feeling uncomfortable under that fascinated gaze as he turned back to stare at the lift doors. He heard Rude's chuckle but didn't turn around, relieved that Reno's attention diverted to his partner for the moment and left him in peace.

By the time they made it to the basement car park, Reno wasn't the only one craving a drink. While the redhead was distracted with Rude, Tseng had rerun the day's events in his mind, something that didn't help his mood in the slightest.

The President had informed him this morning that in only one week, all remaining Turks would be babysitting the young heir in Junon until further notice, his temporary exile the chosen punishment for his recent betrayal. Even more disturbing had been the news that the President planned to give control of the Turks to his son in the near future, Shinra senior's interest more focused on the Soldier program now.

Tseng had thought that he'd prefer to serve under anyone else on the planet rather than the man who had ordered him to execute Veld, but Rufus Shinra could prove to be even worse, being the one responsible for the whole fiasco that led to Veld's death in the first place.

The sudden touch of a hand to his as they reached Rude's car had Tseng turning, a little startled by the physical contact. Reno gave him a small grin as Rude unlocked the vehicle and climbed in the driver's seat.

"Hey, I was serious when I asked what was wrong. You're as tense as a flea in a fulcrum," Reno murmured, his fingers twining with Tseng's.

"What is a fulcrum?" Tseng asked, frowning down at their joined hands. He never understood why the redhead needed to touch so much, but he didn't know how to ask without sounding like a fool.

"The pivot a lever turns on," Reno replied, grin widening. "And don't avoid the question."

Tseng pulled his hand away to open the door, needing the distance before he discussed his concerns. Reno didn't comment, getting into the backseat and lighting up his cigarette while Tseng pretended that being inside the car qualified as out of the building.

As they drove out onto the street, Tseng relented, continuing the conversation. "I'm worried about what will happen when our control is handed over to Rufus Shinra," he murmured, eyes gazing out the window as he spoke. "I know that being free of the President is our goal, but I am uncertain whether his son will be better or worse."

"Why?" Reno asked, voice all casual disinterest despite the fact Tseng knew he was hanging on every word.

"He caused it all. His intent may have been to simply damage his father's name, but by feeding funds into that terrorist group, he gave them the ability to cause real damage. If he hadn't interfered, they still would be only an annoyance to the company and nothing more," Tseng explained, his hands twitching as he tried to contain all the conflicted emotions the memory of the event brought back to him.

"Well, ya don't really know that. If Shinra junior hadn't funded them, they'd probably have gotten the money from somewhere else eventually. People that obsessed always find a way. Besides, he didn't make Veld's daughter join a terrorist group, little lone become the leader of it. He also didn't have any idea what they were really doing with the gil. With all the issues Rufus has with his father, he would've been focused on one thing at the time and that's making daddy pay. The fallout wouldn't of even registered," Reno mused out loud, pausing to suck in a lung full of smoke before exhaling with a sigh. "It's all just a 'what if'' scenario in the end. What if Rufus had behaved, what if Veld's daughter had really died when she was supposed to, what if she'd never joined the terrorist group, what if you'd never come to Midgar with Veld and she'd never gotten jealous of the bond between you and him... the possibilities are endless and it's pointless to dwell on them. Isn't that what you always keep telling me about 'what ifs'?"

"She was jealous of me?" Tseng asked in surprise, turning in his seat to look at Reno.

"What, ya didn't know? Just think about it from her perspective, Tseng. Her daddy goes away on a mission and brings back a kid, insists on him living in the house, trains and mentors him, spending all of his off time doing it. Anyone would be pissed if their parent brought home a new kid, giving more love and attention to them than they ever did to their real kid. Word around was that Veld was obsessed with creating a perfect Turk out of ya, making deals with the higher ups to get you private schooling while his daughter was stuck in a public school with all the other rabble," Reno explained, returning Tseng's gaze with a rare serious expression.

Tseng frowned, looking away as he considered Reno's point. "I never really thought about it before," he finally murmured, trying to ignore the guilt that started to pool inside of him. "He was away so often that I never felt he spent an excess amount of time with me."

"Yeah, but that's the point. Nearly all the time he did spend at home, was with you. Jealousy is a nasty emotion, whether it's between friends, family or lovers. It changes people, turning the love into something dark and twisted. In the end, what she did worked to get her what she'd always wanted, if ya think about it," Reno continued, rolling down the window to flick his cigarette out into the street.

"Which was?" Tseng asked.

"She finally got her daddy's undivided attention. She even got to die with him in the end, like some tragic heroin out of one of those damn stupid romance novels," Reno replied, pulling another cigarette out of his packet and lighting it.

"Father issues are ruining this city," Rude commented flatly, almost making Tseng jump as he'd completely forgotten the other man's presence in the car.

"Ain't that the truth, partner. Personally, I'm betting on Sephiroth being the next one to freak out and do something stupid cause his daddy don't love him," Reno joked, Tseng turning away from Reno to stare out the window at the mention of his ex-lover. "Considering Hojo's idea of fun is a combination of kidnapping, formaldehyde and mako tubes, and Sephiroth is the all powerful general of Soldier, it should take out at least half the city before they kiss and make up."

"There's probably already a fan fiction story on it," Rude murmured, making Reno laugh out loud as the car slowed to turn in and park at the Fling Frontier bar. Tseng despised the name but had to admit it offered the privacy that they required to drink in peace. The barkeep also happened to be a distant cousin of Reno's, so they always had a place reserved for them on Friday nights and the service was exceptional.

As they climbed out of the car, Reno continued to joke about Sephiroth, raising Tseng's hackles, probably on purpose. Tseng ignored him, focusing on getting to their table and ordering his drink as quickly as possible. He had wanted to forget the general tonight, but obviously, Reno was in the mood to test his patience.

"Can't believe he still gets more fan mail than Genesis, though," Reno was saying to Rude, pausing in his dialogue as the waiter arrived and Tseng finally got the vodka he'd been yearning for. To avoid constant interruptions they always ordered full bottles of spirits and poured their own, and in his current mood Tseng doubted he'd have any leftovers to take home. "Sure, he might be the senior officer and all, but Genesis is always pandering to the fans, even going so far as to turn up at some of the events the fan group puts on."

Tseng downed his first drink fast, pouring a second and ignoring the curious look Rude gave him to throw it back as well.

"Maybe we should change the subject," Rude murmured, giving Reno a meaningful look, which the redhead completely ignored.

"Why, you don't like Genesis, Rude?" Reno asked, feigning innocence.

"Genesis is a bitch," Tseng muttered, pouring his third but waiting to drink it as Rude reached out to take his bottle, pretending to read the label. It was a familiar move the quiet Turk used to slow Reno down if he thought he were drinking too fast and it was more than a little insulting to have him try it on Tseng.

"To you maybe, but to his fans, he's a god," Reno argued, throwing back his own glass of bourbon before his eyes locked with Tseng's. "Personally, I think the dude's a total fruit with more than a few screws lose, but what do I know?"

The table fell into silence as Tseng and Reno stared at each other, Rude glancing up from his perusal of Tseng's vodka bottle to look from one to the other slowly. "Reno, you still making flapjack's for me tomorrow? You did promise," he said softly, his attempt to change the subject ignored as Reno began to smirk.

"Ya know, I got the recipe for those flapjack's off Genesis' fan club. They insist that they're one of Sephiroth's favorite foods. Did ya know that, Tseng?" Reno asked as Tseng felt his face flush with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Honestly, he didn't know very much at all about Sephiroth, despite how long they'd been a couple. "I suppose ya wouldn't since all you two did together was fuck."

Tseng had the redhead by the scruff of his shirt, pulled half way across the table, before Rude could even blink. "Why are you doing this?" Tseng hissed in his face, only just holding back the urge to hit the younger man.

"Cause watching you fret over losing him is making me sick," Reno retorted, smirk gone as he glared back at Tseng. "Ya sit around all day and flog yourself over what went wrong. Do you think that's what he's doing? Have ya even bothered to find out if he gives a fuck that you two ain't together no more?"

Tseng's glare lost some of its heat, taking on a more confused edge as his hold on the youth's shirt loosened. "What do you mean?"

Reno made a frustrated sound, pulling back out of Tseng's grip to take his seat again. "Shiva's tits, Tseng. You're always in a fucking world of your own, aren't ya? It's all over the fan sites and even the media has been reporting the rumors." Tseng's expression just became more bewildered and Reno sighed, sympathy breaking through his own anger. "He's paired up with Genesis now," he finally murmured.

Tseng's eyes widened and he completely failed to hide his true reaction to the news. It hurt, much more than he ever thought it could. "With G-genesis? Are you sure?" he asked, voice breaking on the other man's name.

Reno reached across the table to touch his hand, Tseng too stunned to react to the gesture. "Yeah. When I first heard, I checked with some sources. They both still have their own apartments, but Genesis spends most nights in Sephiroth's."

Tseng turned his eyes down to the table top, unable to process what he'd been told. The pain in his chest was unbearable as he downed his drink, Rude filling his glass for him this time so he could do the same with another. "But he... they were never...," Tseng began, not able to get his thoughts out in any coherent order. The alcohol was starting to affect him but it wasn't numbing the pain, only numbing his ability to work through it.

"I'm sorry, Tseng. I thought you already knew. I got pissed off cause I couldn't work out why you weren't angry or upset at him for starting up with Genesis so soon after you. Usually, you're always the first to know everything that's going on with him," Reno murmured, his thumb caressing the side of Tseng's hand gently.

"I've been avoiding anything to do with him for the last two weeks," Tseng replied flatly, locking down his emotions one by one, letting the ice that protected him in the past surface again. The numbness was a relief, finally letting him steady his breathing enough to look up at the redhead. "Thank you for informing me, Reno. I will not waste anymore time on this in the future." As he reclaimed his hand, he noticed Reno was still frowning.

"Don't close down cause of him. Bastard's not worth it," the redhead murmured before going back to his drink, Tseng losing the chance to say anything further when Elena arrived, all innocent smiles and rushed words. Of course, there was nothing innocent about the woman as Tseng had seen her kill with almost as much joy in the act as Reno, but she still appeared that way on the outside.

Reno perked up at her arrival and the conversation turned to other things. As the night progressed, the redhead even had Rude laughing out loud at a fantastical tale about a mechanic that fixed a fault on the fuselage of the company chopper last week. Reno insisted the old man had a problem with constant flatulence and was describing the scent of said farts in meticulous detail, making Elena's face flush as she giggled herself into breathlessness. Tseng found himself smiling a little too, his inner ice beginning to melt as his workmates mirth warmed him.

By the time they returned to the Shinra building's car park, Rude driving as it was his turn to stay sober this week, Tseng found that he was intoxicated enough to fully enjoy the festive mood of his co-workers. Even when Reno and Elena grabbed one of his arms each and started arguing over who would walk him back to his apartment, he only smiled at their antics. Elena continued to fawn over his slightly disheveled appearance as they waited for the lift, and he allowed her to take one photo with her phone in exchange for Reno walking him to his door, leaving both of them content enough to stop the bickering. He had a feeling the photo would come back to haunt him later, but for now it was worth the peace and quiet.

Rude got off on the same floor as Elena to see her home, the blond saying a cheery farewell before clicking a second photo of Tseng and Reno just before the elevator doors closed. Reno swore revenge at the closed doors but Tseng only shook his head, almost falling over when the world began to spin from the action.

"Woah there, boss. Think you should stop at one bottle of vodka next time, eh?" Reno chuckled, embracing him from behind and keeping him steady. Tseng leant back into the warmth, taking comfort from the physical contact as Reno rested his chin on one shoulder, humming a tune Tseng didn't recognize. When the doors opened again, Tseng stepped forward and Reno moved to his side, keeping one supportive arm around his waist as they walked towards Tseng's apartment. The hallways were deserted at this early hour, there being little chance of anyone seeing him in such a state.

They chatted as they walked, the forensics of their last mission a safe topic that broached none of the hidden boundaries Reno was usually so fond of ignoring. Once they were at the apartment, Reno had to frisk Tseng to find his keys, the head Turk unusually complacent in his arms. It was enough to tempt Reno to try something he'd always wanted to on Tseng and once the door closed behind them, the redhead pulled their bodies together and claimed his mentor's lips.

Tseng kissed back enthusiastically, his mind blurred by alcohol and the delusion that this was someone else entirely kissing him. It wasn't until one of his hands twined into long hair to find the texture all wrong, that he jolted back to reality. Pushing at the chest against his own, he managed to break the kiss, looking in confusion at Reno. "W-what are you doing?" he asked, breathing hard and trying to ignore just how good the kiss had felt.

"Kissing you," Reno responded, smirk in full force. Licking his lips, he winked at his boss, releasing him completely and stepping back. "Always wanted to do that... have to say, it wasn't disappointing in the slightest. Catch ya on Monday, boss." Tseng stared mutely as Reno opened the door and walked out, looking over his shoulder and giving one last grin before closing it behind him.

He didn't understand... and he was beginning to get extremely aggravated by the fact that misunderstandings were the main theme of his whole life these days. With a sigh of annoyance, he leant against the wall and slipped off his shoes, leaving them in the middle of the doorway. He decided to forage for something to eat, his stomach suddenly hungry as he zigzagged across the lounge room towards the kitchen, managing to navigate his way around the furniture in the dark as his thoughts spun in circles. He'd really enjoyed that kiss, and it both surprised and alarmed him.

"Nothing sexual between you two, hm?" a voice suddenly growled from the darkness and before he could even turn towards it, he found himself slammed into the wall, his breath stolen from him by the force of the impact. "That looked rather sexual to me."

Gasping in a breath, Tseng looked up into angry, glowing green orbs. "Seph?" he whispered in between breaths, blinking to try and focus on his expression in the dark.

"You said he was just a friend," Sephiroth hissed, pressing up against him and pinning both his arms to the wall above his head.

"You said you never wanted to see me again," Tseng retorted, his shock ebbing enough for his damaged pride to surface.

"I missed you. As for what I said last time we were together, I was simply angry at you. I have forgiven you now," Sephiroth replied, his hips pushing forward against Tseng's and beginning to grind slowly.

"Stop it!" Tseng exclaimed, trying in vain to push the general away and wriggle free. "I'm not having sex with you... I'm not here for you to use when Genesis says no."

"Genesis? What does he have to do with me fucking you?" Sephiroth asked, leaning in to kiss Tseng's cheek, his lips working their way to his jaw and along to his ear. "Are you jealous, Tseng?"

"You complete and utter asshole," Tseng growled, his alcohol drenched system ignoring his brain in favor of becoming aroused. "Let me go."

"Mmmm, but you're becoming so hard, my little Turk. Do you not want me inside of you, making you writhe and beg for more?" Sephiroth whispered into his ear, biting lightly on the lobe as his hands released Tseng's arms in favor of moving over his body, touching all of Tseng's weak spots one after another.

"No, I do not want," Tseng mumbled, biting on his bottom lip to stop the moan that tried to escape him as Sephiroth sucked up a mark on his neck. "Please... stop this," he added in a whisper, his own hands moving to grasp the front of the general's shirt.

"Not until you scream my name," Sephiroth purred, his busy hands undoing the Turk's pants and pushing them over his hips until they fell the rest of the way to the floor. "You are mine. I told you the first time we joined together that you will always belong to me. No matter how much you infuriate me at times, I will never, ever release you from my side."

Tseng gasped as long fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking slowly as soft lips continued kissing and sucking up marks on his neck. He was beyond arguing, only wanting more of what he'd missed so desperately over the last two weeks. Within minutes he was thrusting into that grip, still clinging onto the general's shirt so he wouldn't fall to his knees. Tseng's legs were shaking so much that Sephiroth lifted him up, pulling the unsteady limbs around his waist.

"You tremble so sweetly," Sephiroth whispered before kissing him aggressively, the general's tongue forcing its way into Tseng's mouth and twining around his own. Sephiroth held him up with only one hand easily, his strength so far above a normal human's that Tseng never feared he would fall. It was that overwhelming strength that always seduced him, robbing him of the responsibility of choice and letting him surrender completely.

The sudden sensation of a finger breaching him made Tseng whimper shamefully, Sephiroth replying with a low growl as he continued to hungrily kiss the head Turk. The smell of vanilla permeated the air, the scent of Sephiroth's favorite brand of lube one Tseng would forever associate with the general.

By the time Sephiroth was thrusting inside of him, Tseng was so incoherent he was clinging to him like a lifeline, letting his body be taken however the general wished. The long silver strands of his lover's hair danced around him with every thrust, a curtain of silver that Tseng couldn't resist grabbing hold off. Sephiroth began whispering his name, over and over like a prayer as Tseng pulled on the hair he loved so much, pulling the general's head back enough to suck up a mark of his own on the pale skin. Tseng wished this moment would never end as his licked over the bite, wishing he could stay, exactly like this until time itself ceased to be.

But all good things end too fast and Tseng was soon climaxing, gasping for breath as he groaned out his lover's name, embraced tightly in Sephiroth's arms. The general didn't slow until Tseng relaxed against him, completely warn out by his own orgasm.

"It's time we moved this to a more comfortable location," Sephiroth murmured, voice husky as he paused his thrusting to carry Tseng down the hallway and into his bedroom. He lowered them both onto the bed, the sheets cool on Tseng's back, before beginning to move once more. Tseng didn't loosen his limbs from their tightly wrapped position now they where lying down, his face hidden against the other man's neck so Sephiroth couldn't see the hopelessness in his eyes.

***.***

Tseng woke the next morning content and wrapped in warmth. His head was resting on Sephiroth's chest, his lover's arms embracing him as the sound of a strong heart beat thudded softly in his ear.

"Well, looks like you found your lost kitty after all," a voice suddenly sounded from the direction of the door and Tseng's eyes shot open to focus on a smirking Genesis, leaning back on the doorframe and looking over both men in the bed.

As he stared back in shock, he suddenly realized that the blanket had fallen away over night, leaving them both bare for the redhead's perusal. Tseng was face down, thankfully, but Sephiroth was on his back, completely exposed. Tseng tried to move over to retrieve the blanket from the floor, only to have Sephiroth's arms tighten around him and hold him in place.

"No need to go anywhere, love. Genesis was just leaving, weren't you Gen?" Sephiroth murmured, seemingly uncaring of his own nakedness in front of the other general.

"Well, actually I am here to collect you. Our master calls and like the good little attack dogs we are, we must heed his call," Genesis stated, crossing his arms and smirking over at the glare Tseng was now sending his way. "Don't worry though. I don't mind waiting in the slightest."

"Pervert," Sephiroth chuckled, giving Tseng's backside a light slap that had Genesis laughing along with him.

"Hit me again and it will be the last time you ever touch me," Tseng hissed, still trapped by the one arm wrapped around him as Sephiroth's other hand began to wander. "And stop that!"

"Stop what?" Sephiroth asked, his face feigning innocence as Tseng glared up at him. "This?" Sephiroth continued before slipping a finger down the cleft of Tseng's backside to rub over his entrance.

Tseng flinched, more than a little sore from last nights activities. "Sephiroth," he growled, trying to hide the fact that he was actually a little fearful of what would happen next.

"One day, lover, you will push too hard and your kitten will pull out his claws. He is a Turk, after all," Genesis murmured from the doorway, a strange expression on his face when Tseng glanced over at him. "I'll wait on the sofa, as usual," he added, turning to walk out but leaving the door open.

"Lover?" Tseng muttered, turning back to find Sephiroth smiling and looking at the doorway. "What the fuck?"

One elegant silver eyebrow rose as the general turned back to look at Tseng. "Do you have a problem with the term?"

"When someone else uses it on you, yes!" Tseng retorted, trying to struggle free again. "Sephiroth, let me the fuck go now!"

Thankfully, this time the general relented and released him, Tseng shaking in anger as he got up and went to his cupboard, quickly pulling out the first clothes he found. He was shaking so much it took him three tries to button up his pants before he pulled a plain white t-shirt over his head.

"I knew you'd over react," Sephiroth mumbled from the bed, sitting up but not moving to dress himself.

"Well, you are a genius, after all," Tseng muttered sarcastically, crossing his arms over his chest. Walking over to his drawers, he opened the top one and began rifling through it, finally finding the rarely used packet of cigarettes in the back.

"I thought you gave up...," Sephiroth began.

"Just don't!" Tseng cut in, not willing to listen to a health lecture right now. "Just... get up, get dressed and get out," he added, pulling a cancer stick out and lighting it. He took a long draw on it, enjoying the chemical rush for a moment. Sephiroth sighed behind him and Tseng purposefully blew out the smoke toward him. The general despised the smell of tobacco and that in itself was enough to make smoking very attractive right now.

"Will you at least listen to my explanation?" Sephiroth asked softly, standing up as he began to pull on his clothes. Tseng was so relieved he'd gotten the stubborn man to at least do that much, that he turned back to face him, keeping his temper in check.

"Talk," Tseng replied, eyes on the wall behind Sephiroth, unable to meet his gaze. He decided he owed him this much at least and besides, he had been told by Reno that Sephiroth was sleeping with Genesis, and he'd ignored it, conveniently forgotten it in order to sleep with the man again and then let the fantasy build, even into this morning. Tseng was angered as much by his own stupidity as he was by the fact his lover was being openly unfaithful to him.

"You have to remember, Tseng, that I am not an average person. The normal rules don't apply here and there are mitigating factors that mean this is the only way we can be together," Sephiroth began, putting up a hand to pause Tseng when he opened his mouth to reply. "Please, just let me finish. You know that I am a public figure, my future in the hands of others since I was born. Shinra is a company and has made all top Soldier's into celebrities of a sort, to help increase their own profit margins."

"I know, Sephiroth. I do work here too," Tseng muttered, walking over to his bed side table and grabbing the glass of water he'd left there the night before. He tapped the ash from his cigarette into it, watching the black and grey fragments fall to the bottom as he resumed his previous position.

"And that is part of the problem. Everything I do is watched, only a little freedom granted on the terms that I do as I am told. What the public believes affects Shinra's profit margins and if I was to be with just one person, the media would eventually find out and there would be a huge scandal, especially if it was a man. On the other hand, if I have multiple partners of both sexes, the media and fan clubs keep reporting various ones and the general public simply believe they are inaccurate rumors, because of the sheer number of them."

Tseng was disturbed beyond description to realize that Genesis wasn't the only other lover in Sephiroth's life. _The sheer number of them?_ he thought to himself, dropping what was left of the cigarette into the glass and walking over to put it back on the bed side table as he digested the reality he hadn't even suspected.

"The point is...," Sephiroth continued, either unaware of Tseng's distress or ignoring it. "...the president is willing to forgive my dalliances with multiple partners simply because he believes I am not serious with anyone in particular. If I was to only sleep with one person, his position on the matter would change, and that person would be in danger. That is why I now have multiple partners. We can be together more often, without having to worry so much about the risk of discovery. Isn't that worth it in the end?"

"So you expect me to part of your collection?" Tseng whispered, hands clenching into fists as he turned back to face the general, trying to decide whether to explode or fall apart.

"It's the price we have to pay for my fame, love. I did not chose this life or the celebrity status that goes with it. You will always be the one I care for above all others, without exception," Sephiroth murmured as he stepped closer to Tseng, lifting a hand to touch his cheek.

Tseng slapped it away before it made contact, his heart contracting painfully in his chest at the thought that Sephiroth probably used the same line on all of his lovers.

"Get out," he hissed, taking a step backwards to be out of the other man's reach. He was so angry, a burning fire in his pit of his stomach urging him to reflect that pain back and hurt the man that was hurting him in equal measure. How good it would feel to paint the walls red with his lies. Eyes going wide, Tseng suddenly realized what was happening and turned away, taking a deep breath as he concentrated on turning all of that fire to ice. Luckily, Sephiroth stayed silent and didn't try to touch him again, and he quickly regained his hold. Tseng would keep his promise to Veld to never let that fire run free again. What he'd done as a child would never be repeated.

Turning around slowly, he met Sephiroth's eyes with a cold, flat stare. "Are you deaf? I told you to leave," he said flatly, the lack of emotion a relief.

"I won't leave while you are like this," Sephiroth said softly, stepping forward and reaching for his face again. This time, Tseng didn't react to the touch in the slightest, his gaze not faltering as he watched the emotions flickering through Sephiroth's eyes.

"Then you will be here forever. From this point on, 'this' is what I will be to you," Tseng replied.

Sephiroth frowned, his other hand moving up to mirror the first on Tseng's face before he leant in for a kiss. Tseng didn't react, not moving in the slightest, even when the general pushed his tongue into his unresponsive mouth. The ice inside was absolute, devoid of life as it covered all of Tseng's emotions. Sephiroth finally stopped, pulling back and looking at Tseng, his gaze trying desperately to pierce the frost.

"What have you done?" the general whispered, the rising anger in his eyes having no effect on Tseng.

"I have made my decision. I will not be a part of anyone's 'collection'. I believe my self worth is beyond that and if you are not strong enough to fight to be with me alone, than I have no interest in wasting any further time with you. Goodbye Sephiroth. Never enter my apartment again without a prior invitation or I will shoot to kill."

As the general's hands fell away from his face, Tseng walked around him out into the lounge and opened the front door before turning to meet Genesis' eyes. "General Rhapsodos, it is also time for you to leave. The warning I gave General Sephiroth about entering my apartment uninvited also applies to you. Goodbye."

Genesis raised an eyebrow and looked like he was about to comment when Sephiroth stalked out of the bedroom, not even glancing at either man before walking out the door. Frowning, the redhead finally stood, hurrying after Sephiroth with only a troubled glance at Tseng on the way past.

Shutting the door and locking it, Tseng took another deep breath before going to sit on the sofa. Staring out the window, he tried to ignore the smell of vanilla that haunted him.

* * *

><p>ACST6<p> 


	7. G : Genesis

7

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><p><strong>CHAPTER -<strong> G : GENESIS

**CHARACTERS** – _Tseng, Genesis, Reno_

**WARNINGS** – _Angst, vague references to a violent assault_

**TIMELINE** – _The eve of Rufus' exile to Junon._

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><p><strong>NOTE<strong> – _In this chapter, Genesis is not portrayed kindly. If you are a diehard fan of his, you might want to skip this chapter. He is consumed by jealousy and mixed with his unstable emotions due to the destabilization of the Jenova cells in his body at this time, he takes out all of his anger and frustration on Tseng. That said, I do like him as a character but will not be going into his side of this in depth, as these are tales of Tseng, not Genesis._

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><p>The training room was deserted when Tseng entered, the clock on the wall showing that it was just past 2 a.m. Tseng put his towel and water bottle down on a bench off to one side, beginning his warm up stretches as he closed his eyes, trying to push his troubles and worries away.<p>

Tomorrow morning he and his Turks would be leaving for Junon, accompanying the President's son on his exile for at least a few months, maybe longer if President Shinra decided Rufus' attitude deserved it. Tseng would personally rather be dropped in the middle of the ocean than go to Junon with the arrogant heir, but even he had to admit there were some positives to the mission.

Getting out of Midgar was the main one of those, as seeing Sephiroth in the halls of the Shinra tower had taken on a whole new level of pain lately because of a certain redhead who always seemed to be by Sephiroth's side. Genesis Rhapsodos aggravated Tseng just by breathing, but even worse was the fact he seemed intent on teasing and provoking the Head Turk now, why being a total mystery to Tseng.

In the past he would have put it down to some kind of jealousy or possessiveness over Sephiroth, but since Tseng had ended his relationship with the silver haired general, he was at a loss as to what he'd done to earn Genesis' continued ire.

It should have been something he had the ability to ignore, but the rumors Genesis kept spreading were all too close to the truth for Tseng to just shake them off. Tseng couldn't help but feel like the red head was just rubbing his face in his failure, for no other reason than plain cruelty.

Sighing deeply, Tseng finished his warm up stretches and moved off to the side to pick up one of the old, wooden training swords, swinging it a couple of times to test the balance before moving to the centre of one of the training mats and taking position, breathing deeply as he relaxed his body and focused his mind. Nobody lived who knew he had training in sword combat, his preferred weapon on the job being his firearm as it was the most affective and easily concealable weapon for a Turk.

It was more of a hobby than a necessity for him, as going through the sword kata always relaxed him as he tuned out the world and focused on his movements. He preferred it to be a secret, which is why he only ever practiced in the privacy the middle of the night offered, his hobby also having the extra effect of calming his mind when he could not still it enough to sleep.

Time passed and he began to tire, the movements of his body and the blade in his hand still smooth but beginning to slow. He loved this dance and pushed himself to his limits before stopping, always disappointed he couldn't just keep moving like this forever, mind focused and clear of any other thoughts but the next step and sweep of the blade. When his last movement was complete, he bowed low, a habit his first teacher had drilled into him. Standing back up straight he closed his eyes, head tilted back as he just breathed in and out, his body cooling in the chilly air conditioning of the room.

A slow clapping sound had him spinning around, all his tranquility disappearing in a heart beat as his wide eyes focused on red hair and a sly smirk. Genesis continued to applaud, the slow rhythm of his hands full of unspoken taunts that already had Tseng's hackles up before he'd even said a word. Of all the people to catch him out with this secret, why did it have to be him?

"Well, you just continue to be full of surprises," the redhead drawled, ceasing the clapping and standing up straight from where he'd been leaning against the wall, his arms moving to cross over his chest as he continued to smirk at Tseng. "This one I would have never been able to guess in a million years."

"What do you want, General?" Tseng snapped, too annoyed at having his peace shattered so abruptly to even try to hide his aggravation.

"Good question. What is it I want? What is it we all want?" Genesis mused, beginning a slow walk across the room towards Tseng, their eyes locked together. Tseng felt his fear instinct rise, the general's gaze cold and calculating which did not bode well for him. He hated this feeling, hated knowing that one on one, he would not even be a challenge to the other man. Genesis' augmented soldier strength made Tseng seem like a child in comparison.

"I do not have the time to stand around listening to you wax poetic on desire, general. It is late and I have an early start tomorrow, so if you will excuse me, I will be leaving now," Tseng murmured, returning his practice sword to the rack before walking over to his belongings to have a quick drink. Throwing his towel around his shoulders, he turned to find himself face to face with the redhead, only just managing to stop himself from flinching back at the sudden proximity.

"I can't just let you walk out on me now," Genesis purred, one hand rising to push Tseng backwards the two steps it took for his back to find the wall. It was a gentle push, considering the redhead's strength, although the gesture in itself was enough to silence any words of protest Tseng would have uttered. As much as he hated Genesis, while alone and at the other man's mercy, he would not push his luck. "We haven't even chatted about what you were doing here yet," Genesis continued, leaning in close to Tseng, his nostrils flaring as he breathed in the scent of Tseng's recent activity, his smile turning into a leer. "You're quiet beautiful when you dance the kata, Tseng. Looks can be so deceiving though..."

The veiled insult was expected and Tseng was relieved to hear it after the compliment, as it left him in familiar territory. "Why are you here?" he asked, holding the redhead's stare and managing not to look away. "Or do you now prefer to harass me rather than sleep?"

Genesis moved back a little and chuckled, breaking the staring contest so he could look down the length of Tseng's body and back up again. "Maybe I just wanted to see you without your Turk armor on, vulnerable and all alone," he whispered, Tseng biting his tongue as he fought the urge to snap out a retort. "You do look very different... almost like a _normal_ person. We all know that there's nothing normal about you though, don't we?"

"You are far further from normal than I," Tseng hissed, control slipping at the insinuation. His psychological abnormalities were a sore spot in his soul that he couldn't repair or defend. Only Veld and Sephiroth had ever had any knowledge of them... up until now. Breathing in deeply he tried to slow his speeding heartbeat, telling himself that Sephiroth would never betray him in such a way, not with all the secrets they had shared. It must just be a coincidence that Genesis' insults had finally struck so close to his core.

"Oh, now that is _not _a nice thing to say, Tseng. Sephiroth is always telling me how refined and polite you are but then again, I would guess you never pointed out_ his_ abnormalities, did you?" Genesis muttered sarcastically, his expression suddenly serious. When the General reached a hand towards his face, Tseng failed to hide his flinch as a single gloved finger traced a line down the side to his jaw and along to his lips. It traced his mouth slowly and Tseng swallowed reflexively.

"Suck it," Genesis commanded, all amusement absent.

"What?" Tseng blurted out, eyes widening as the command led him to a single conclusion.

"Suck my finger, Turk," Genesis repeated, his voice lowering dangerously.

Tseng waited two heartbeats before he suddenly moved, ducking away to the side in an attempt to get out from between Genesis and the wall. Surprisingly he succeeded, racing across the room to the door, only to find it locked. Freezing in place, fear washing over him, he slowly turned to find Genesis leaning back on the wall he'd just been trapped against, watching him with an amused smirk.

"I find myself rather cheered by your fear. After all, there is no fun in a hunt when the prey does not run."

***.***

Tseng lay on the practice mats, trying to will his body to move. It wasn't the pain that paralyzed him, even though it was an almost overwhelming wave that was crashing through his nerves right now, making his muscles twitch and spasm as he grasped for physical control.

It was the emotional side of this, the mental realization that even as a grown man, trained to fight and kill, with years of working his ass off to become the leader of the Turks behind him... after all of this, he had still become a victim once more.

Ironically, as a child, he'd had an avenue of revenge. As a grown man, he had none.

Shinra would never allow for one of its shining generals to be punished for hurting a mere Turk. He didn't even have to think about it to know that fact. It had been the reason behind Veld's disapproval of his sexual relationship with Sephiroth in the first place, the knowledge that Tseng had no defense if things fell apart.

Even Veld with all his forethought and wisdom had never seen this possibility though. Tseng, himself, had been blindsided by it, until in the midst of the attack, words had escaped the red general in his crazed, blazing rage.

_How can he love something so weak, so pathetic? I could break you without effort, snap your little neck and steal your life with a casual backhand if I so desired. What is so precious about your fragility? He should worship our strength, love what makes him and I the same, more than mere mortals... not pine after something less._

This was payback and nothing more. Genesis, for all his posturing and bravado, still couldn't claim the one thing he'd always wanted, the one thing he'd never admit to desiring but had always yearned to claim.

Sephiroth's heart.

It would seem that it belonged to Tseng, despite the fact he'd never wanted it in the first place. He'd only ever wanted a friend and when the lines between friend and lover had blurred, he'd been too confused to stop the slide, too taken by warm hands delivering pleasure and words of affection to stop the crumbling of the bond into a physical parody of how it had started.

He did care for Sephiroth, but as a brother and confident. He'd never truly loved him in the way Sephiroth had always wanted him to. Somehow, that made this easier to take. It was like a punishment for his own deception, a price to pay for the silent lie he'd let cover his true feelings for all these years.

In a way, he felt cleansed of the guilt now, as if Genesis' brutality had washed away his own sins in a blaze of pain and humiliation. Tseng had paid the price for his own neutral passivity. There was no flame in his thoughts, no bloodlust and anger as was often his reaction to anything that cut too close and caused him pain.

All that he was left with was a despair so dark and deep that it threatened to consume him. Time wouldn't wait for him to find his strength, to claw his way up from the floor and make it back to his apartment before the sun rose and he was discovered. The clock on the wall ticked so loudly and every stroke seemed to drive him deeper inside himself, the fight melting away as his body yearned for the blackness that unconsciousness would bring.

Closing his eyes, he simply let go.

***.***

When Tseng woke, it was to the groggy, nauseous feeling of being cured extensively with materia. Confusion reigned for a time, as the sheets under him were too soft for a hospital ward, the smells too familiar to be anywhere but his own apartment. There was silence too, giving no clue as to who had brought him here and healed him.

Fear of what would come next had him feigning sleep for a little while longer, mind trying to find something to grapple onto first, something to anchor him in the storm he knew would await him on the other side of his closed eyelids. When he found the inner ice he usually hid behind strangely absent, the panic caused from its absence had his eyes open before he could control the reflex action.

"It's okay."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Tseng's eyes darted towards the familiar voice to his left. Reno sat on a chair, bent over himself as if the weight of the world rested on his thin shoulders. His chin was resting on his hands, which in turn rested on his knees. When their eyes met though, there was no weakness or beaten down emotions in the clear blue. Reno's eyes burned, so much anger contained within them that Tseng had to look away.

"We've contained the situation," the redhead murmured, voice strangely flat and emotionless. "All evidence has been gathered awaiting your orders. There was one witness and they have been silenced."

"A witness?" Tseng repeated, pulling himself up into a sitting position with a scowl of aching muscles and newly healed skin.

"Cleaning guy found you. He called me instead of building security, so we got him transferred to Junon. He'd been after a job there for years and...," Reno's explanation faded away and Tseng looked up to discover the redhead's eyes looking over his torso, the sheet having fallen down to his waist as he'd sat up. Following his eye line, Tseng stared at the dark smudges that would take time to disappear but would luckily be hidden under his uniform.

"Are there any marks that will be visible when I'm dressed?" Tseng asked, his own fingers tracing the marks absently.

"He left your face unmarked. Back of you neck is another story though. If you wear your hair down, it should be enough," Reno responded, turning his head to the side before closing his eyes. "Do you want the evidence destroyed or stored?"

"Destroy all of it. Leave no lose ends."

Tseng knew he didn't have to explain to Reno why, all Turks aware of their disposability in the hierarchy of the organization. The question of storage was one he would have usually considered, as blackmail ammunition of this sort was often used later by the Turks. With the perpetrator being a general though, it became a mute point. He also knew his answer would lead Reno to the same conclusion.

"Was it him?"

The question was asked in no more than a whisper and Tseng knew the redhead was referring to Sephiroth. A part of him automatically wanted to defend his ex-lover, but he bit down the reflex, knowing it was a pointless avenue. Tseng would have told anyone else to mind their own business, but the bond he had with Reno crossed lines and made him feel like he owed the youth the truth. After all, he knew most of Reno's secrets already.

"No," Tseng replied, looking out his window at the muted daylight filtering down through the city's haze of pollution. "It was..." His voice cut off, the name catching in his throat and choking him. Reno passed him a glass of water which he sipped, both of them turning their eyes to the glass as they searched for a safe place to focus.

"Genesis?" Reno asked, aware of the red general's strange vendetta of late. Tseng didn't have to answer verbally, the trembling that came over him from the sound of the name giving a clear enough answer. With a nod, Reno gently took the glass from Tseng's shaking hand and placed it back on the bed side table, standing up and turning away to allow Tseng the illusion that he still had dignity left to cling to.

"What's the time?" Tseng asked after a few minutes, diverting the conversation back to business.

"Just gone seven. The Vice President requested a later departure time, luckily for us. Ten is take off now. Everything is set up and ready to go," Reno informed him, a hand running through red hair as he pulled himself back into his usual casual persona. Tseng stared at the fiery strands, trying to burn away the memory of similar colored hair tickling his cheek as words of poison were whispered into his ear.

"Thank you," Tseng finally murmured into the uncomfortable silence, arms wrapping around his waist as he tried to hold the trembling limbs still.

"No problem. I'll go and make some calls, finalize the rest while you get dressed," Reno said as he walked towards the door, stopping with his hand on the door knob as Tseng watched him. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No," Tseng answered, needing so many things that he knew Reno could never give him.

"See ya out there."

Tseng watched him leave, letting out a breath when he finally heard the door click closed. He lay back down to stare at the roof, knowing he had the time to gather himself now, as Reno would handle the rest for him up to their departure from Midgar.

He knew the silences would be awkward for some time and that Reno would continue to burn quietly with the urge for payback, but these were things he could do nothing to remedy. The Turks knew their place as surely as they knew each other and their unspoken conversations would always be full of words better left unsaid.

***.***

A week into their stay in Junon, Reno put down the local newspaper in front of Tseng without a word. It had been turned to a particular page and folded in half so that only one story stared back at Tseng from its monochrome pages. A cleaner that had transferred from Midgar with his family had been robbed and killed on his way to work. It had only been his fifth day on the job, the report said, and there were no leads to his killer.

Tseng gave Reno the next two days off for taking care of that last lose end for him.

If he'd known the redhead would use the time to hack into the science department's most classified files and send anonymous information to a certain redhead about the truth of his childhood, maybe he would have thought twice about it.

Maybe...

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><p>ACST7<p> 


	8. H : High

;

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 8 - <strong>H : HIGH

**Characters **– _Tseng, Reno_.

**Pairing - **_Tseng/Reno_

**Warnings **– _Drug use, Swearing, Reno's bad acting, Angsting, frontage_.

**Time frame** – _One week after the move to Junon._

**Note** – _I just watched the Kuroshitsuji Musical 2, and as a result, Reno has a Grell moment in this chapter. I hope everyone can forgive me for it._

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><p><strong>SPECIAL THANKS - <strong>_Thank you to my reviewers for the last chapter - _kickcows_, _kindofabadger_ and _SilentPleasantries_. I haven't had the chance to reply to your reviews personally, like I usually do, but I wanted to make sure you all know how much I appreciate your kind words and how much they help me to keep going with this story._

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><p><strong>EXTRA HEALTH WARNING<strong> - _To any naughty kiddies that might ignore the ratings and read this – DO NOT USE DRUGS. YOUR BRAINS WILL TURN TO MUSH – For all the adults out there... I'm not telling you what to do. You're old enough to know better._

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><p>Tseng couldn't sleep for the third night in a row. The insomnia couldn't have come at a worse time and he was getting more frustrated with every hour that ticked by so slowly without relief. Sitting up in his bed, Tseng ran both hands through his hair and made an undignified growl of pure frustration that sounded too loud in the confines of his white walled room. This had to end. If he didn't get some sleep tonight, he was worried he would snap under pressure during one of Rufus Shinra's tantrums tomorrow and maybe kill the Shinra heir in a fit of sleep deprived rage. As amusing and satisfying as that thought was right now, the reality of getting executed in the aftermath simply took all the fun out of it.<p>

Besides, he had promises to keep.

With a sigh of hopeless resignation, Tseng stood up and approached his clothes cupboard, pulling the first t-shirt he came to off the hanger. Pulling the soft, white cotton over his head, he paused to yawn before heading for the door, too tired to pull any pants on over his boxer shorts before he wandered out into the hall. It was highly unlikely he'd run into Rude or Elena anyway, as they were on duty at the Vice President's apartment and it had its own bathroom and kitchenette. He might run into Reno, but at this time of night, even that was unlikely.

Making his way to the Turk's communal kitchen at the end of the hall, Tseng turned on the light and slowly walked over to open the fridge door, his usual grace absent. He stared into it blankly, leaning one arm on the top of the door as he studied the contents on the shelves, unsure why he'd ended up here when he had no appetite. He was lost in a dazed state somewhere on the brink of sleep when a sudden voice behind him jolted him back to reality.

"Ya know, ya could just turn up the air conditioning in your room if you're hot. Wait... you're always hot, so standing in the fridge is gonna be a pointless exercise," Reno drawled from behind him, making Tseng roll his eyes at the redhead's sense of humor.

"Ha, ha," Tseng muttered, pushing the door closed as he turned to face the redhead.. "Goddess, please make Reno go back to bed and leave me alone before I am forced to make him intimately familiar with the contents of the deep freezer."

"Oh, ouch!" Reno exclaimed, taking a step back in faked fear, a hand coming up over his heart in over-dramatic gesture. "You dare threaten to kill me and store my body parts in the freezer, you animal!" he exclaimed, causing a reluctant smile to slip onto Tseng's face. "You're in league with the prissy blond bitch's plans to end my life, aren't you!"

"Don't say such things about Elena, Reno."

"I was talkin' about Rufus!" the redhead whined. "Couldn't you even tell?"

"I was too distracted by your horrendous acting to catch onto the subtext, my apologies," Tseng replied, not sorry in the slightest.

"Are my acting skills really that bad?"

"I prefer your torture skills."

"And that there is why I like ya so much," Reno responded with a grin.

Tseng shook his head, moving to walk around Reno only to stumble over his own feet, the redhead having to catch him to prevent him falling to the floor.

"Woah, you're really fucked up with this no sleeping shit, aren't ya?" Reno asked, helping Tseng to straighten himself back up with a look of serious concern on his face. "You should stay in bed tomorrow and let me deal with the princess of pout."

"I may be totally fucked up," Tseng muttered, a hand still on Reno's arm to keep himself steady. "But I am still not insane enough to leave you and Rufus in the same room without supervision." Tseng had worked out quickly that Reno and Rufus clashed like oil and water, the redhead refusing to hold his tongue around a boy a few years younger than himself, irrelevant of his position of power. Of course, Rufus' attitude didn't help and he seemed to enjoy baiting the redhead at every opportunity, just because he could.

"I've an idea that might help with your sleeping, but I don't think ya gonna like it much... or ya might even get really pissed at me and shoot me for suggesting it," Reno rambled softly, a hand curling around Tseng's waist loosely, as if afraid the older man would stumble again.

"Whatever it is, if it makes me sleep I want it. I do not care if it is illegal or immoral, I just really, really need to sleep now," Tseng muttered against his shoulder.

"Okay, then," Reno stated determinedly, taking in a deep breath. "Um... I suppose we need to shuffle to my room then." Tseng let him herd him in the right direction, sitting down on the bed inside his room with a curious expression as he watched Reno shut and lock the door.

Reno turned back to smile at him, eyes suddenly darting around as he noticed the mess. He quickly picked up some clothes off the floor and threw them under the bed in a half assed attempt to tidy up.

"'Excuse the chaos and all."

Tseng waved it off with a smile, watching as the redhead grinned for a moment before going to his cupboard and bending over to dig around in one of his bags. Tseng sat and enjoyed the view, Reno's ass always something he appreciated, even if he had no intention of going any further than looking. He was the young man's mentor, after all, and taking advantage of the bond between them for his own physical gratification was something he would never do.

"Before we start, ya gotta make me a promise, alright?" Reno called from the cupboard, ass still in the air and wriggling at Tseng rather hypnotically. When the older man didn't answer, Reno stilled and called out, "Tseng? You still with me out there?"

"Oh, yes I am here," Tseng answered hurriedly, face flushing a little from the fact that he'd been too busy looking to hear what Reno had said. While he kept insisting to himself that his intentions were pure, his brain apparently hadn't got the memo, because it was quiet happy to watch in complete ignorance of everything else around him. "I missed the first thing you said though. My apologies."

Reno poked his head out of the cupboard, a wicked grin on his face. "Were you lost in the wonder that is my ass?" he teased.

"Your ass isn't that wonderful," Tseng lied.

"Keep telling yourself that and one day, you might really believe it," Reno chuckled out as he stood up and moved to sit down next to his boss. "Anyway, enough about my ass. What I said in the cupboard was that I need you to make me a promise, or I'm not giving you... well, the thing."

Tseng raised an eyebrow, too tired to argue. "I promise I won't shoot or otherwise harm you, or be mad, or make you work double shifts looking after Rufus, or... well anything else negative you can think of, if you show me _'the thing'_. Make me sleep and I'll give you whatever you want, even my soul. Good enough?"

"That pretty much covers all the bases," Reno agreed, passing Tseng what looked like a cigarette.

"I don't smoke," Tseng murmured, looking confused as he studied the small object in his hands.

"It ain't tobacco, its wacky tobacky."

"Wacky tobacky? Reno, is this marijuana?" Tseng asked, frowning.

"Yes, it is marijuana, cannabis, ganja or whatever else it goes by these days. Remember, you promised not to kill me... and before you start yelling, you promised you wouldn't be mad," Reno insisted, looking worried now as he fiddled with another unlit joint in his own hand.

Tseng sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. While he'd never tried the drug himself, he had learned about it from a book Veld had given him on illegal drugs and the effects they had on the body. It was said to have relaxing qualities, but he was concerned about the detrimental mental effects that had been mentioned. If he remembered correctly, that only happened from long term use though...

"I know it's not a good thing to do all the time and I ain't addicted or anything. This is just a every now and then thing for me and I swear, it'll help you relax enough to sleep. I think the reason you've been having so much trouble is you're too stressed. Not surprising considering the move here and what happened before we left," Reno mumbled, looking up into Tseng's eyes with pleading ones of his own. "Just try it once, for me? I hate seeing you like this."

Tseng turned away, trying not to grin. Reno was giving him puppy dog eyes and it was so very adorable on the redhead. He knew the drug wasn't going to kill him, unless he did something truly stupid like try to drive a car while high. As long as they stayed in Reno's room, the worst that could happen was Tseng might get nauseous and really, the chance to get some rest made that risk seem meaningless.

"Alright, I will try it. I would like to share one with you though, considering I have never done this before."

"Sounds fine by me," Reno agreed, face beaming as he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit his joint, taking the other one off Tseng and placing it on the bedside table. Tseng watched him suck on it before letting out a big puff of smoke with a pleasured sigh.

"Here, just don't suck too hard at first. You're not a smoker so ya have to take it slow to start or you'll choke," Reno instructed, carefully handing it over. Tseng held it awkwardly between his fingers before putting it to his lips slowly, breathing in a little before increasing his suction lightly. The strange tasting smoke burned his throat, but he breathed it in and out, determined to give this a decent attempt while his sensible side whimpered softly about how foolish it was to let Reno talk him into this kind of thing in the first place.

Fifteen minutes later, Tseng wasn't worried about anything anymore. He didn't seem to be able to focus on one thing long enough to work up a decent amount of concern, his mind skimming over thoughts gently as he lay back against Reno's chest and let the redhead push the second joint to his lips.

"How ya feeling now?" Reno whispered, his voice deeper than usual as Tseng inhaled on the joint again before exhaling with a small cough.

"Nice... but kind of...," Tseng began, glancing down at his hand. Lifting it up a little, he twisted his fingers, attention suddenly caught by the moving tendons he could see under the skin. "That's... can you see that?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, that's your pretty little hand," Reno chuckled out, putting one of his own up next to Tseng's and imitating it's twisting and turning.

"Your hand is pretty too," Tseng mumbled, his own moving to trace the back of Reno's, as he intently studied his finger's path.

"Thank you," Reno said through a huge grin, enjoying this mellow version of Tseng way too much. It was a tempting thought to keep the older man like this permanently, especially when he was so cuddly and affectionate. Breathing in once more from the second joint, Reno winced when the smoke hit his lips too hot, the joint having burnt down too close to the end. With a small sigh, he crushed it out in the ashtray on his bedside table. Tseng was still running his fingers over the redhead's hand, but then he lowered both down until they were resting on his own stomach. Reno was surprised to feel bare skin under his hand and not cotton, guessing that Tseng's t-shirt must have ridden up a little as the older man slowly sunk downwards on the bed.

"Your hand is warm," Tseng commented, resting his own on top before turning his face to the side to nuzzle into Reno's neck. "So is your neck."

Reno chuckled, the gentle touches of Tseng's nose against his skin tickling a little. He brought his free hand up to run it through dark strands of hair. "So is your hair," he murmured, teasing a little back. "And your stomach is too... though it's hot as well."

"Hot heat or hot, hot?" Tseng asked, tilting his head back to stare up into Reno's eyes.

"Both," Reno replied softly. His own mind was smudging, thoughts blurring into each other and coming back to shape as something different altogether. He could feel himself hardening against his mentor's back and his face flushed at the sudden rush of desire, as he had no way to hide it. Tseng noticed, even in his stoned state, and as those dark eyes widened in surprise, Reno panicked a little. "I'm sorry, I can't help it. It just... has a mind of it's own and you're so close and warm and pressed up against it and it's not why I did this or anything, I swear," he rambled, his hand on Tseng's stomach moving to wrap further around in an unconscious action to stop Tseng from moving away from him. "Please don't leave."

"I'm not leaving," Tseng replied calmly, his widened eyes looking over Reno's face carefully. "I'm right here Reno. I'm always right here for you, no matter what." Tseng moved his hand back over Reno's where it rested around his waist, threading their fingers together. "And I don't mind that you're hard. I am too."

Reno looked down, seeing the bulge that he'd somehow missed in his own panic.

"Oh," he mumbled, still a little tense as he tried to follow a line of thought about what this all meant, but quickly lost it and relaxed back against the headboard on his bed again. "I like this," he said softly, resting his chin on the shoulder before him to take in the familiar smell of Tseng, all hard muscles and soft skin lying over him like a blanket. It was safety to him, and he reveled in it unashamedly now, forgetting why his arousal was a bad thing.

"I like this too," Tseng murmured, his own body comfortable as his mind drifted, thinking about nothing in particular. It felt like a part of him was already sleeping but his mind still clung to consciousness. "I'm sorry we can't have sex. I just don't think I could do it with my body so tired and my legs all wobbly and... stupid."

Reno had a quick moment of surprise at Tseng mentioning sex, but it disappeared as quickly as it had come. "I like your stupid legs very much," he admitted, chuckling at how funny the sentence sounded.

Tseng was soon chuckling along with him, but he wasn't really sure why. It felt good to laugh though, and doing it with someone he cared about only made it better.

When their laughter died down, Reno just breathed for awhile, his hand in Tseng's hair slowly stroking as the one on Tseng's waist stayed twined with the older man's. It was so quiet and peaceful that he found himself dozing off as Tseng's breaths began to match his own.

***.***

"It's okay, I'm here," Tseng whispered, squeezing the redhead gently against his chest. It was early morning now, although he hadn't had a chance to look at the clock since he'd woken up with Reno in the midst of a nightmare beside him.

"I'm sorry. Finally you sleep and I go and yell you awake," Reno apologized in a rough voice, but there wasn't any tears. The youth was too like Tseng in that respect.

"No apologizing. I want to be here for you," Tseng soothed, nuzzling into red hair with his eyes closed. "It's not anyone's fault, just happens sometimes. I get them too."

"You do?" Reno asked, hands fisting in Tseng's t-shirt as he continued to hang on tight. "Did I say anything out loud?"

"No words, just murmurs. I could tell that you were hurting though," Tseng lied, knowing there was no point in bringing up details. He already knew what haunted Reno's dreams..

"I want another joint," Reno suddenly stated, interrupting Tseng's thoughts. "I think I just yelled myself straight."

Tseng couldn't help but chuckle a little, loving the redhead's turn of phrase. "More like slept yourself straight, actually." He glanced over at the clock radio on the bedside table, relieved they still had time. "It's five in the morning which doesn't leave enough time for you to partake again."

"Well that's depressing," Reno murmured, rolling over onto his back so he could look up into Tseng's eyes. The older man had his head propped up on one arm now, looking down at him with a small smile. "Although, another couple of hours with you is a nice consolation. Helps that you look like sex on legs."

Tseng wasn't surprised by the conversation's quick changes of direction, as Reno always turned to joking or flirting when things became too serious. He didn't mind playing along, especially if it cheered the redhead up and took his mind off his nightmares.

"Sex on legs?" Tseng repeated, feigning offence. "You make me sound like a walking dildo."

"Nah, I wouldn't kiss a dildo... well, okay I might, but I wouldn't enjoy it as much as kissing you."

"Well... thanks... I think," Tseng chuckled out, remembering something he'd been meaning to ask about. "Reno, I want to ask you about that Friday night when you helped me back to my apartment in Midgar after I'd had too much to drink. Why did you just kiss me like that and then leave?"

"Why, did ya want me to stay?" Reno teased, grin only widening when Tseng twined a finger around a lock of red hair and pulled a little.

"You have never kissed me like that before, Reno. Before or since."

Reno looked up at him for a minute, not wanting to talk about the strange, mixed up feelings he always got when it came to Tseng. He cared deeply for him, but could never work out if it was a friendship love or a relationship love. In his own mind, it was hard to tell the difference when his earlier life had been so cut and dry. For many years it had been simply a case of like or hate, with sex being business. As for family attachments, he didn't remember his parents, so that was a mystery to him. Tseng had tried to explain the different types of strong attachments but Reno only understood most of them in theory, not practice. At this point in his life, he only felt a strong bond to two people. One of those was Tseng and the other Rude, and he liked both sexually which didn't help to clarify things.

He had the strongest suspicion that Tseng himself wasn't all that good at telling one from the other, although he had a better handle on it than Reno did. He'd had Veld at least and Reno knew that relationship had been platonic, like a father and son. Honestly, Reno didn't understand what was wrong with friends having sex, but Tseng seemed to want to cling to the imaginary line, so Reno just kept pushing in the hopes of making him change his mind.

"I guess I just wanted to kiss you. I know that we're supposed to have a non-sexual kind of family thing between us, but I find you attractive and I wanted to know what it was like, even if it was just once."

"So, you're saying that it's never going to happen ag..." Tseng's sentence ended abruptly as Reno launched a surprise attack, kissing his words away with a warm mouth and questing tongue. By the time Reno pulled back Tseng was breathing hard, confusion making him momentarily mute as he tried to pull his thoughts back together.

Reno really was an amazing kisser.

"You think family feel like that when they kiss?" Reno asked pulling the stunned man beside him over, so he ended up on top of Reno.

"Depends on the family, I suppose," Tseng finally managed to mumble breathlessly, moving his legs to try and get a more stable position on top of the redhead. The movement brought their hips together, hardness meeting hardness with only thin boxer shorts in between. Reno gasped, while Tseng closed his eyes and lifted his hips away, desperately trying to convince his stupid, sex mad body to stop it immediately.

"Reno, I'm your mentor. I can't take advantage of you like...," Tseng began, words disappearing into a groan when Reno grabbed his ass in both hands and pulled them together again.

"Looks more like I'm taking advantage of you at this point," Reno purred, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Tseng's waist to hold him close, as he moved his hands to pull Tseng head down into another kiss. The older man seemed to forget in moments that he was supposed to be fighting this, and he was soon thrusting against Reno enthusiastically.

"Reno," Tseng moaned, both of his hands gripping tight in Reno's hair as he suddenly felt the urgent need to dominate the youth beneath him. The next kiss was all Tseng, the older man claiming Reno's mouth desperately as he totally lost control in the moment. Reno groaned loudly as Tseng thrust against him over and over again, the friction pulling the redhead's orgasm from him almost violently.

Reno opened his eyes just in time to watch Tseng find his own completion, head thrown back as he arched beautifully over the youth before collapsing in an undignified heap across the redhead's chest.

For a time, neither spoke and the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. Reno could feel when Tseng's brain kicked back in, the older man's body tensing up where it lay across him.

"You're beautiful when you come," Reno murmured, the words slipping out as he tried to think of something to say to fill the tension building in the moment.

"I doubt my face contorted into strange expressions is an attractive thing, but I appreciate the sentiment," Tseng replied softly, guilt and dread beginning to grow inside of him in equal parts. He'd walked this path before with Sephiroth and he didn't want to travel it again, especially not with Reno. There was too much he couldn't bear to loose.

"Stop it," Reno whispered, his words making Tseng sit up so he could look down and see Reno's expression.

"Stop what?"

"Stop regretting, worrying and feeling guilty. Most of all, stop thinking about him," Reno chastised, unable to keep his annoyance out of his voice. "I'm not Sephiroth."

"But I... I shouldn't of...," Tseng began before Reno cut him off.

"You shouldn't have what? Enjoyed sex with me? Got a little stress relief without having to worry about me turning into some kind of possessive asshole? There's nothing wrong with what we just did and I know you enjoyed it as much as I did. I'm not him and I'm not gonna start thinking I own you or any of that bullshit. Nothing has to change between us," Reno insisted, reaching up to gently touch the side of Tseng's face. "The only thing I want to change is for you to stop acting like sex with me is some kind of great sin. After all, if you think that way, you'll never want to do it again."

"Again?" Tseng asked, trying to process Reno's words amongst his own racing thoughts. "But... you want to do it again, so doesn't that mean that you want us to be together?"

"No more so than we've always been. Look, it can just be part of our friendship, with sex being an added bonus, not the focus. If we never do it again, that's okay too," Reno explained, lips curling into a grin. "Although, I certainly wouldn't mind trying more with you later, but only if you're in the mood to relieve a little stress."

Tseng managed a small smile in return, knowing that while they were stuck babysitting Rufus, stress was going to be a common enough thing. Tilting his head to one side, he studied Reno intently, seeing nothing possessive or pained in the youth's gaze.

"You're sure that you'll be aright with it just like that?" he asked.

"Positive, so stop with the angsting. As cute as you look with a pout, my pants are so funky right now that I really need a shower but I'm not leaving until you stop stressing."

Tseng's smile grew, the worry inside of him beginning to dissipate. Reno seemed earnest in his words and while Tseng wasn't sure how this was going to work exactly, he was willing to go along with it for now.

"My shorts are a little uncomfortable too," he finally admitted, his words getting a chuckle out of Reno as they both moved to stand. Tseng headed for the door, pausing to watch the redhead collect a change of clothes. "Reno?"

"Yeah, boss?" Reno asked, slinging the hanger with his clean suit on it, over his shoulder.

"It's your turn to cook breakfast."

As Tseng walked out, he couldn't help but chuckle at the string of curses that followed him down the hall.

***.***

* * *

><p>ACST8<p> 


	9. I : Introduction

9

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter <strong>- _I : Introduction_

**Characters **– _Tseng, Reno_, _Veld._

**Warnings **– _Swearing, adult themes._

**Timeline** – _Tseng's late teens, when he first meets Reno._

**Note** – _Jumping back to the past again for this chapter. _

* * *

><p>Most days Tseng loved his job. Today was not one of those days.<p>

The club he was in was dank, dark and smelt like a nightmarish combination of at least twenty different types of aftershave, mixed in with an unpleasant undertone of sweat. It was late on a Saturday night and there was quite a crowd, although not so many as to make moving around the room difficult. Tseng had managed to get a booth in the corner, as far away from the bar and stage as possible, hopefully allowing him to fade into the tacky decor. The thick mist of cigarette smoke was certainly helping his aim to blend into the shadows, it being so thick in the air that it swirled around the waiters delivering drinks to the tables like ghostly fingers in the dark.

He was only here to observe, a simple mission to collect information on anyone of note visiting this particular establishment. Veld had some suspicions regarding the owner of the club, but the investigation was only in its early days, with no proof of any illegal activity to date. Tseng couldn't help but be a little suspicious himself now that he was watching the dancers on the stage, all of them looking like they were only barely legal. He suspected most of them weren't. Their bodies were wiry and almost sexless in appearance, tendons strung too tight over pale flesh. None of them moved like children though, the gestures and gyrating of their toothpick limbs a perverse display of broken sensuality.

Tseng found himself staring at them in a trance of appalled fascination, trying to come to terms with the fact that there were so many places like this under the plate, selling despair given human form for the price of a descent meal topside.

Swallowing the rest of his drink in one quick movement, he gestured to a passing waiter and waited for another, trying to stop the commentary on social injustice that tried to bloom in his brain. Veld kept saying that he had to bury those thoughts, as a bleeding heart attitude would only get him killed, but it was harder to turn off his true feelings when the suffering was so familiar. At least his own excuse of a childhood hadn't been such a public display of abuse.

When the waiter returned, Tseng didn't even look at him, eyes still locked on a particular youth on the stage who was now being openly fondled by a man that was old enough to be his grandfather. The spark of injustice flared to life in his mind and he snatched the glass from the table top and gulped the whiskey down, trying to extinguish the blossoming flames. He would not let his personal issues ruin his first solo mission... he refused to let the past cripple his present aim to make Veld proud.

"Hey mister, I might as well bring over the whole bottle if ya gonna drink it like that," a voice drawled from beside him, Tseng's eyes flicking towards it in surprise. The waiter stood looking at him with a tired, muted annoyance, red hair almost luminescent in the half light.

"Excuse me?" Tseng muttered low, not in the mood to put up with lip from some punk kid right now.

"Ya keep making me walk back over here every friggin' five minutes. Why don't cha just buy a bottle ta save me legs the extra work," the boy explained, eyes keeping a steady link with Tseng's own, no fear showing at all on the young, cocky face.

"Obviously you are not surviving on tips with that attitude," Tseng commented, frowning but refusing to break off the eye contact first. His pride bristled inside of him, ignoring his common sense which told him just to ignore the youth so he would go away.

The redhead snorted, a grin pulling up one side of his lips into a sad imitation of a smile. "Nah, I survive off givin' blow jobs and lap dances on the side, sweetheart. With all the piss ya throwing back though, ya probably can't even get it up anyway."

Tseng arched an eyebrow, eyes darkening at the insinuation that his masculinity was somehow deficient. "It sounds like you have problems getting men aroused. Maybe not speaking would help as the sound of your voice is a rather effective mood killer."

"Hey! I dun have no problem at all getting cocks up, ya asshole," the redhead retorted, anger flaring in his eyes for a moment before it suddenly fell away and the boy gave a nervous glance over his shoulder towards the bar. Turning back to Tseng, one of his hands came up to nervously pull at his long plait of hair before he seemed to get a grip on the fear that had suddenly come over him. "Hey, look, I'm sorry okay? Let me make it up to ya. I'll get ya a bottle an then ya can tell me what ya'd like me ta do to make ya forget what I said."

Before Tseng could even answer, the boy had scurried away, Tseng feeling a little disappointed that the verbal sparring had ended so abruptly. He wasn't sure why, but he'd been enjoying it. Maybe he was missing Sephiroth more than he realized, the general being the only person who ever riled him up in a similar fashion. Sighing, Tseng ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes, wishing the war in Wutai would just end so he could have his friend back.

Jolting from his thoughts at a sudden weight on his lap, Tseng's eyes flew open to find the redheaded waiter straddling him, a bottle of whiskey held up as if in explanation.

"What are you doing?" Tseng blurted out, his hands held up awdwardly as he could find nowhere to put them that didn't involve touching the youth.

"I got ya bottle," the redhead replied, reaching behind himself in a move that showed his flexibility. Tseng swallowed and tried not to let his mind wander to dirtier uses of his bendability. Filling his glass, the redhead sat in place and held it out with a confident look that soon started to falter under Tseng's unmoving gaze. The redhead's eyes darted away before coming back to Tseng's with an almost desperate edge. "Come on, man. I know I fucked up being rude to ya before and I just wanna make it up to ya without any trouble. I'm not that repulsive am I?"

The puppy dog eyes that followed the plea had Tseng smiling back before he realized what he was doing. Quickly schooling his features, the Turk took the glass and looked away, mentally wrestling with how he was going to remove the boy in his lap without making a scene. Maybe if he understood why the redhead thought this was necessary, he would have a better grip on the situation.

"Why do you think you have to sit on me? We only traded a few words and as annoying as those words were, I'm hardly offended to a point where recompense is required," Tseng finally stated, looking back at the youth.

The redhead blinked, a frown appearing on his face. "I'm not sure what the end of that meant, but I think I get ya drift," he mumbled, expression growing serious. Tseng mused that it was the most honest look he'd gotten from the boy yet. "Okay, I'll be straight with ya. If you complain to the boss, I'm fucked. So, instead of complaining, I thought I might be able to talk ya into letting it go if I did something for ya back, ya know?" His hands slid slowly down the front of Tseng's green silk shirt as he cocked his head to one side, smiling coyly. It nearly made the Turk laugh as it was such a wrong expression on the boy. "I could blow ya right here. Not like anyone's gonna notice all the way back here in the dark."

Tseng's eyes widened, more surprised by the fact he actually considered the proposal for a moment, than by the offer itself. He put his glass on the table before taking each of the redhead's hands in his own and stopping their progression downwards.

"What's your name?" he asked, just holding the too cold skin gently.

"Uh... Reno," the redhead answered, eyes on their joined hands and a confused expression on his face.

"Reno, you do not have to do anything for me. I will not be making a complaint to your employer."

The redhead looked up, different emotions flickering through his eyes before he settled on a small smile. "Ya don't like guys, do ya?"

"I do," Tseng replied, trying to stop himself from grinning back. There was something about the youth that attracted him greatly, and the temptation to play was definitely there... but he was supposed to be with Sephiroth and if Tseng was anything, it was loyal.

"But not me?" Reno murmured, looking way with a completely dejected pout. "Typical. First guy in weeks that's young and hot, and ya don't think I am."

"Reno, I think you are very attractive. I am just... well, to put it bluntly, I am already in a relationship," Tseng explained, raising a hand to cup the youth's face and turn it back to face him. "If I were not, I may just want to take you home and keep you."

The smile that bloomed on Reno's face stunned Tseng, the expression so very earnest and full of happiness. Suddenly he was kissed, a quick peck that only ghosted his lips before the young man removed himself from his lap and stood straightening out his uniform.

"Ya need anything at all, anytime ya come here, you just yell and I'm ya man," Reno announced, giving him a wink before heading back to the bar with a definite spring in his step. Tseng smiled at his back until he disappeared from view, finally turning back to his drink and trying to concentrate on his mission once more.

***.***

"I heard you made a new friend last night."

Tseng couldn't contain the shocked look that came over his face, his eyes wide as he looked at his mentor and tried to formulate some kind of response.

"Tseng, don't look at me like that," Veld huffed out with a breath, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back on his desk. "Surely you guessed I would have you observed on your first solo mission."

Taking a deep breath, Tseng tried to ignore the mix of embarrassment and shame that swelled up within him. He could assume Veld had been given full details of his interaction with Reno and he was frightened at what conclusions his mentor had come to from that information. Tseng had been hiding the latest develops with Sephiroth from Veld, simply because he had no idea what the older man thought of gay relationships. If the head Turk had a negative view of them, there was the real possibility that he would be cast aside and disowned, maybe even thrown out of the Turks... and it terrified him.

"Why haven't we talked about Sephiroth?" Veld suddenly said, Tseng visibly flinching from the question. The young Turk's eyes fell to his feet, his shoulders sagging.

"Was I supposed to just bring something like that up over dinner between discussions on political science and training schedules?" Tseng said softly, trying desperately to keep his fear from showing. "Every time I mention Sephiroth's name, you look annoyed, so how could I possibly tell you that we had..." Tseng's words cut off, his face paling. He never could control his mouth from sprouting the truth around Veld, which was why he usually tried to stay quiet unless asked a particular question.

"Damn it, Tseng. Did you think I didn't already know what had occurred between the two of you?" Veld growled, beginning to pace the floor as Tseng looked up in surprise. "You are the closest thing I have to a son and I keep a close eye on my family, even more so when one suddenly starts hiding something from me." The older man stopped for a moment, his frown deepening. "When did you stop trusting me?"

Tseng flinched again, his expression clearly showing his distress. Veld's words hurt him more than a fist ever could.

"I do trust you... with my life."

"But not with your heart."

***.***

Tseng strode down the alleyway with his fists clenched at his sides, anger and distress radiating off him as he tried to walk off some of his overflowing emotions. The mission had turned into a complete disaster, a target they'd been after for months escaping but not before firing of a last shot that should have ended Tseng's life.

Instead of paying the price for his own incompetence, Veld had pushed him aside and taken the punishment as his own.

The bullet had lodged in Veld's shoulder and Tseng had phoned for help before applying pressure to slow the bleeding in an uncomfortable silence that was thick with words he couldn't voice. He was still trying to make himself speak when the ambulance had arrived and he'd stepped back to give them room to stabilize his mentor. Veld had looked up at him with eyes so full of concern that he had taken a step back, and when the older man had said his name, voice full of such uncharacteristic softness, Tseng had fled. Fear at what could have happened twisted his insides still, mixing with the guilt that was already overwhelming him.

Ever since the stilted conversation on Tseng's sexuality, there had been an invisible wall of sorts between them. Tseng had been so distracted by it that he'd been unable to focus, making mistakes in the mission at critical times. There was nobody to blame but himself and he didn't know how to deal with it in the slightest.

Tseng knew it was childish and immature of him, but he truly couldn't function properly without that connection he shared with Veld. He'd still made no new friends, despite how much time he spent with the other Turks. It wasn't that they disliked him, as far as he could tell. They all worked together with no problems but when it came to a personal level, he just didn't click with any of them.

Sephiroth still hadn't returned from Wutai and had made no attempt to contact him in any way while there, leaving Tseng feeling so very alone in the midst of a city crowded with people. Lately, the loneliness had became so intense that he'd even considered going back to that horrendous bar... but the redhead had probably long forgotten him by now anyway. The fact that conversation had been one of the most enjoyable he'd had in the six months since Sephiroth had left, only made him feel all the more pathetic.

Anger draining away, Tseng ran a hand through his hair, feeling more depressed than anything else now. Looking around, he discovered there seemed to be a market up ahead where the alley ended, so he headed that way, hoping to find some kind of distraction from his spiraling thoughts.

Once there, he found it was mostly full of food vendors, but there was a weapons store that had some interesting pieces and he'd lingered there for some time. Eventually, his continued presence had made the owner so nervous that he left, his Turk suit far too conspicuous for him to blend in as he wished to right now.

Walking slowly away from the busy area, he continued along the street, in no hurry to get back to the Shinra building were he'd have to face Veld. Up ahead, he noticed the passersby giving a wide berth to something on the footpath and as he approached, he realized it was a body from the two bare feet sticking out of what he now recognized as black cargo pants. The top of the body had a sack over it, tied around the waist in a familiar style that he'd seen before. A few of the local gangs had a preference for binding people in such a way before they beat them to death, the bag usually containing most of the blood and fluids. It was a mostly effective way to keep evidence contained to a body and not on the attacker's clothes, or the floor of wherever the attack took place. They usually tended to dump the bodies in a far less obvious location though... and that in itself was a big enough anomaly for Tseng to stop and check it out.

As he paused beside the body, the passersby gave him an even wider berth, most crossing to the other side of the street to avoid being anywhere near a Turk. He couldn't help but feel relieved, as the last thing he wanted was a crowd of curious onlookers. Crouching down, he suddenly noticed a slight rhythm of movement from inside the bag and was shocked to realize he'd found a survivor, not a body after all. Pulling a knife from his ankle holster, he cut away the bindings around the victims waist carefully, not wanting to cause more damage just incase there was information to gain. If this person had been a member of a gang, he might be willing to give up all kinds of useful information in return for medical attention or a way out of the city.

Pulling the bag up a little, he noticed the victim had no shirt on, his torso covered in cuts, bruises and what looked like cigarette burns. Tseng's interest was only raised, as some of those injuries had obviously been received before the bag had been put in place, leaving him to assume this person had been tortured, maybe for information. Lifting the bag the rest of the way up, Tseng suddenly froze in place, eyes wide as his mask of indifference slipped.

It was the boy from the bar.

***.***

Four hours later, Tseng was back in his apartment, sitting on the couch with Reno's head resting in his lap. Luckily, the youth's injuries hadn't been as bad as he'd first feared, and after a visit to the Shinra hospital for x-rays and a clean up, he'd ended up footing the bill to have Reno healed with materia, so he could bring him home.

It hadn't been his first plan, as he'd originally been going to simply hand him over to the Turks to be questioned once he was healed. But then the redhead had woken up and seen Tseng, his hand coming out to grasp onto the Turk's as blue eyes looked up at him as if he was some kind of hero. Nobody had ever looked at Tseng like that before and he'd just ended up in some kind of daze as a result, continuing to hold the boys hand through the check up and all the way back to his apartment.

He was now trying to work out what the hell he was doing with some strange kid in his lap, who could be a psychopathic murderer for all he knew.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Tseng mumbled to himself, chewing his bottom lip as his head fell back against the headrest of the sofa.

"You have a strange attraction to kicked puppies?" Reno's voice whispered hoarsely, Tseng's head jerking up at the sound and peering down into the boys half opened eyes. The silence lengthened, Tseng fumbling for something to say with a look of complete confusion on his face. When Reno took one of his hands and hugged it to his chest, closing his eyes once more, Tseng didn't react at all, stunned by the easy affection the boy displayed.

Sighing, he eventually closed his own eyes, letting himself drift off in the less than comfortable upright position, simply because he didn't want to wake the boy and try to speak to him again.

***.***

When Tseng woke up, Reno was still using him for a pillow and clinging to his arm as if it was some kind of security blanket. Looking down at the redhead, Tseng lifted his free hand to move a clump of hair off of the too young face before him, trying to work out what his next step should be.

"Are you going to pick up a new stray every time you fuck up a mission?" Veld's voice suddenly sounded from across the room.

Tseng's heart almost jumped out of his throat, and while he managed to somehow keep still and not disturb Reno, his face certainly showed his shock at finding his mentor sitting across from him.

The older man actually smiled at Tseng's dismayed expression, chuckling from the satisfaction of surprising his young protégé.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the hospital or home? Are you in pain or... or can I get you anything?" Tseng began to ramble, his nerves acting up in the wash of relief that came over him. Veld was here, smiling and not mad.

"No, I am fine, son. I'm well and truly dosed up on enough pain killers to keep me happy for the next twenty four hours. My arm will be fine in a week or two and Rude is waiting outside in the car to drive me home. Rest assured, I have been well and truly coddled by enough of my staff for one day, so don't you start," the older man replied, Tseng smiling back at how happy he seemed.

_Definitely had to be the painkillers._

"I wanted to make sure you were alright before I went home though," Veld continued, eyes moving down to Reno and then back up to Tseng. "It's the kid from the club, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Tseng replied, looking away and showing his discomfort. This had been the subject that had started their last disagreement and he didn't want to revisit it again.

"What is he to you?"

"I-I... I'm not sure myself," Tseng answered honestly, looking down at the boy with a bewildered expression.

Veld nodded, watching Tseng intently while the younger Turk tried not to squirm under his gaze.

"So he will be staying with you for awhile then?"

"I... suppose," Tseng mumbled, realizing that honestly, he couldn't just throw the kid out on the street at this point. He did have an extra bedroom in his apartment after all.

"I think the two of you fit, in an odd way," Veld remarked, lips curving to a grin.

"It's not romantic!" Tseng blurted out, eyes widening. Did Veld really believe he'd be so disloyal to Sephiroth?

"I never said it was, son, so relax. I think that's there's a possibility of more than friendship here though," Veld mused.

"I do not understand," Tseng muttered, running a hand over his face. The day had been too long and he just couldn't keep up anymore, no matter how hard he tried.

"Well, have you considered the option of mentoring him? We already did a background check on him after his contact with you in the bar and he's mostly clean. A few minor jobs here and there with some of the gangs, but no attachment to any one group in particular. He profiles as more of an opportunist than anything else, but I think he might decide to be loyal if it were you he was following. He seems quiet attached already and if you were to foster that family bond, I believe he might make a very good Turk," Veld suggested, shifting in his seat a little, no doubt from his heavily bandaged shoulder causing more pain than he was letting on. "After all, he already has an insider's knowledge of the gangs and how they operate, and his morals aren't beyond our own."

While Tseng knew that he couldn't equal Veld yet in terms of skill and ability, he was eager to make the older man proud, and maybe mentoring Reno would achieve that goal. Looking down, he admitted to himself that he did already fell a kinship with this boy he barely knew.

"I will be his mentor and accept all responsibility for him," Tseng finally stated, meeting Veld's eyes with a sudden confidence and sense of purpose.

***.***


	10. J : Jeopardy

10

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><p><strong>Characters <strong>– Tseng, Reno, Rufus, Elena.

**Warnings **– Swearing.

**Timeline** – A month into Rufus' exile to Junon.

**Note** – Tseng and Rufus come to an agreement.

* * *

><p>After a month in Junon, Tseng decided that if he was to pick one word to describe Rufus Shinra, without swearing, it would be impatient.<p>

He wanted everything five minutes ago and took out his frustration at delays on whoever was closest to him at the time. Tseng took it all in his stride at first, unfazed by the youth's inability to act in any kind of mature manner. He had know in advance that Shinra junior would be difficult after reading his personal medical files, kindly supplied by Reno and his hacking skills. Ten years worth of psychological therapy seemed to have done little but make some doctor a very rich man.

Rufus was a psychologist's wet dream, with more neurosis' hidden in that handsome head then there were layers of ridiculously expensive clothing on his body. The boy was a muddled mess of father issues with a side order of repulsive arrogance and obsessive need to control, all topped off with a good dose of self-denial in regards to his need for acceptance and affection.

Basically, the boy needed a good smack in the mouth, followed by a serious hug, in Tseng's humble opinion.

Tseng was still unsure of just which he would prefer to deliver at this moment. Rufus was standing before him, cheeks pink with his anger as he yelled at the Director of the Turks because the reports he'd asked for half an hour ago had still not arrived. Yes, Rufus was physically attractive, to a ridiculous point if Tseng was to be completely honest, but his behavior was abhorrent enough to nullify any attraction every time the youth opened his mouth.

Tseng couldn't help but think there were so many better ways for that delicate mouth to be occupied.

"Sir, I assure you the reports will be here in a moment. If you would just sit down and wait...," Tseng repeated, his words cut off again as the blond's voice rose yet another decibel.

"I will _not_ sit and wait like a good dog, Turk. Your job is supposed to be to keep me happy, and I am not happy with these constant delays or your continued excuses. My father is already looking over the files that I'm _still_ waiting to receive, and why is that? It's because of your incompetence in getting me the information I need!" Rufus ranted, pacing back and forth.

"As all currently employed Turks are here with you, we have to rely on regular office staff to fax the reports. I have no control over the time they take to do so," Tseng stated flatly.

"Excuses! That is all I ever get from you! I thought the Turks were supposed to know everything before anyone else. All I've seen so far is a bunch of layabouts who are all reputation with no substance to back it up. If my father already has the information, than I should have it to. Why am I left here, waiting like a second class citizen, while your Turks lounge around getting fat off of Shinra's coffers?" Rufus raged, walking up to spit the last words into Tseng's face.

Tseng was usually a patient man. Usually, such a display of childish temper would only have him resisting the urge to roll his eyes while repeating his assurances and apologies, unaffected by the anger directed at him. Unfortunately, for all parties involved, Tseng was less than at his best at the moment. The after-effects of a certain redheaded general's jealous rage was still causing him to lose sleep and the deficit was beginning to add up.

Grabbing the front of Rufus' overpriced jacket, Tseng lunged forward, reacting purely on instinct and inner rage that he couldn't, at the present time, control. Staring down into blue eyes that were now wide with surprise, Tseng smiled with an expression that held no amusement at the young man bent backwards over his own desk.

"You will shut up now, before I teach you the true meaning of the word respect," he hissed, teetering on the edge of doing something regrettable. "Your information will come when it comes, but if I have to listen to you insult my Turks one more time, you will be unable to read it when it gets here, as you will be in the hospital fighting for your life. Do I make myself clear, Mr Vice President?"

Later, in retrospect, Tseng would kick himself for just how close he'd come to signing his own execution order with this one slip in control. Luckily for him, Rufus did not react to his threat with the same disrespect he had demonstrated towards everything else in the last four weeks.

"Y-yes," Rufus stuttered, trembling beneath him as the layers of arrogance fell away, leaving behind a scared teenager that looked on the edge of crying. Guilt coiled in Tseng's stomach as he released his hold on the youth's shirt and took a step back, mentally trying to pull himself back together.

The blond didn't move, far too still in the position he was left in, sprawled over his desk in what looked to be an uncomfortable position. Tseng swallowed back the urge to reach out and pull him upright, telling himself that if he was going to die for this breach of etiquette, he was going to make a point.

"We are your Turks, Mr Shinra. That does not mean you have the right to belittle us and insult us just because you can. If you are wise, and I believe you do have some intelligence behind the façade of total ignorance, than you will realize that we will work for you far more effectively if you bother to treat us with a measure of respect. If you do not, you will be treated the same as any other of our masters that think themselves above and beyond us," Tseng stated flatly, watching the rise and fall of the youth's chest as he continued to lie where Tseng had left him.

Minutes of silence followed, Tseng having to fight the urge to fidget in the oppressive quiet that filled the room.

"I understand," Rufus finally whispered, voice uncharacteristically subdued.

"With your permission, I will go and check on the information you have requested," Tseng said, eager to escape the room and the evidence of his own loss of control.

"Go."

Tseng did not wait any further, turning and leaving the room without looking back. Once the door was shut behind him, he paused to breathe in deep, head lowering as he chastised himself for the slip that could ruin everything.

"You okay?" a familiar voice asked, causing Tseng to look up suddenly. Reno was standing a few meters away in the doorway that led to their bedrooms, a concerned expression covering his youthful face. Tseng managed to pull up a half smile for him, swallowing down his churning emotions.

"Yes. Nothing I can't handle," Tseng replied, straightening up and pulling on a mask of confidence that he didn't feel in the slightest.

Reno's head tilted a little to one side before he returned the smile, the gesture lacking in truth as much as Tseng's own did. The redhead didn't push any further though, simply giving a small nod before walking away.

Reno's blind trust left Tseng feeling shamed, the sudden realization of just how much was at stake here making him feel slightly ill. He couldn't afford to lose control and endanger them, especially when they were already on such shaky ground with the company. Tseng may have carried out the order to execute Veld to prove the remaining Turks' loyalty, but he wasn't fool enough to believe that it made the scorecard even. It had only gotten them this far because the President knew how hard it had been for Tseng to pull the trigger.

Veld's dying wish had been for Tseng to take over the Turks and protect its remaining members and Tseng had sworn to do so, even if it would cost him his own life in the end. It was the only way he could sooth the painful ache of taking his mentor's life, and it was no more than Veld had ended up doing himself, even if his initial betrayal had been for his daughter.

There were also the promises he'd made to Reno to consider.

"Sir?" Elena's voice called softly, breaking through his thoughts.

"Yes?" Tseng murmured, turning to the young woman walking down the hall with an expression of confidence that he didn't feel.

"I have the reports that the Vice President requested," she declared, the disk in her hands trembling a little in a display of nerves that the rest of her body hid well. She had only been with the Turks a few months now, but was quickly learning the ropes in much the same fashion as her elder sister had. Tseng couldn't help noticing the similarities between them every time he looked at her. It led him back down a path of memories he needed to leave behind, Veld's lifeless face appearing in his thoughts like a recurring nightmare.

"Thank you," he mumbled distractedly, taking the disk with a nod and turning away before he had to face the hopeful expression in her too trusting eyes. "That will be all for today," he said in dismissal, pausing for a moment before adding, "Well done, Elena."

He saw the pleased expression that bloomed on her face out of the corner of his vision but ignored it, along with another dose of guilt he didn't need right now. She would follow him blindly too, simply because her own sister had done the same for Veld, and it pained him to think of how quickly her radiance would dim in this profession.

"Thank you, sir," she gushed with too much enthusiasm before turning and leaving Tseng to his depressive musings.

Reentering Rufus' office was his next move, but he hesitated, unsure of what he'd do if the young man was still laying on his desk in such a defeated position. Pushing past his own misgivings, Tseng opened the door to find Rufus had moved to sit at his desk and was working on his laptop as if nothing had occurred. It was both a relief and a concern that he seemed so unaffected. Approaching the desk, Tseng waited for the Vice President's fingers to pause in their typing before he spoke.

"The information you requested, sir," Tseng said tonelessly, holding out the disk.

"Thank you," Rufus murmured, taking the disk with only a glance upwards before he placed it in the disc tray of the laptop, those delicate digits going back to work. Tseng turned to leave, only to stop in place when Rufus spoke again.

"Tseng, a moment of your time... if you would indulge me."

"Yes, sir?" Tseng replied, turning back.

"I find myself at a disadvantage, one which I am hoping you can assist me with," Rufus stated, eyes on the screen before him in feigned casualness. "Turks are trained to appear emotionless, to cover what they really feel and keep themselves under control in all kinds of stressful situations. I find myself in need of such training and I am hoping you would be willing to assist me."

"You wish me to train you?" Tseng tried to clarify, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

Rufus finally stopped typing, fingers resting on the keyboard as he looked up and met Tseng's questioning gaze with a determination that had Tseng's heartbeat skipping up a notch.

"Yes, I would like you to train me. Is that a possibility you would consider?" Rufus asked, a slither of uncertainty showing in his eyes.

Tseng's gaze narrowed, the urge to simply refuse rising up before being defeated by a sudden idea that Tseng hadn't entertained before. Could Rufus Shinra really obey him enough to be trained, and if it was possible, could Tseng twist the situation to make the youth need the Turks to the extent that their survival was assured?

"You would have to submit to my authority," Tseng stated flatly, eyes steady on the Vice President's. "Considering your constant rebellion against your father, I can't help but doubt your ability to do so."

"Allow me the chance to prove you wrong?" Rufus murmured softly, a one sided smile curling his lips.

Tseng took a few minutes to consider the possibilities. The pluses were plain before him, all that he had promised easily attainable if this worked in his favor. The very idea of Rufus Shinra being obedient and under his control had his mind wandering to all kinds of scenarios that were inappropriate and highly attractive to him. He allowed the smile wanting to bloom on his lips to surface, enjoying the way Rufus' eyes slipped down to his lips as the youth noticed the change in expression. Yes, there were all kinds of possibilities here that he could exploit.

"As you wish, Sir. We can begin tomorrow, if you feel you are ready," Tseng stated.

"Tomorrow it is then," Rufus replied, eyes going back to his laptop as his fingers resumed their dance across the keys.

Tseng turned and headed for the door, feeling a sense of hope that had been sorely missing from his life of late.

***.***

The next morning, Tseng entered Rufus Shinra's office with a clear sense of purpose and a stubborn determination to carry it through. He had spoken to all of his Turks, going over his plan with them first and garnering their full cooperation. While Rufus might be expecting a few lessons on self control and acting, Tseng had much more planned for the blond heir.

He had expanded on his original plan to win the Vice Presidents support on his own. Instead, he now planned to introduce Rufus to a full range of training, with each of the Turks teaching him a different skill. Tseng's aim was to build a rapport between the young blond and each of the Turks, so they would all have some kind of value in Rufus' eyes. It would, hopefully, give the ignorant young man a sense of respect for each of them individually, and if they played it right, ensure he didn't treat any of them as disposable in the future.

When Tseng informed Rufus of his training plan, the youth was, predictably, not impressed.

"That is not what I requested yesterday," Rufus muttered, sitting at his desk and directing a look of contempt towards Tseng.

"You wanted training and that is what I am offering. Each activity interweaves with the next. One cannot learn to act with confidence when one has none. I am not suggesting you be trained to a Turk's level of ability, but simply that you are given the basics, so that you are not completely defenseless. At the moment, most children from the slums could defeat you with little effort. One would think you would want to rectify that weakness."

"I am not weak!" Rufus hissed, eyes darting away to the side. Tseng remained silent, giving the youth time to control his wounded pride and really think about what he'd said. He believed Rufus was eager enough for success to agree to this, as long as it was presented to him in the right way.

"Explain to me why I need training in hand to hand when protecting me is the Turks job," he finally muttered, arms crossing over his chest and frown deepening.

"We _will_ be protecting you, but there are times when you will still need these abilities. We are often left outside your office while you are meeting clients. What if a business deal goes wrong? How would you face a physical attack and defend yourself until we could intervene? It would only be a matter of moments but that is enough time for damage to be done." Tseng watched as Rufus thought it over, noticing the frown beginning to lift as realization set in. He decided to push a little more. "Also, you are a man who insists on a certain level of independence. What if you are... entertaining a guest and things turn in a direction you are uncomfortable with?"

Rufus eyes suddenly swung back to Tseng, anger flaring in them. "Entertaining? What in Hades is that supposed to mean?"

"Surely a young man of your age intends to begin dating at some point. Your father has already expressed his desire that you find a partner to marry and produce a heir of your own. There are individuals out there that will try to take advantage of such an opportunity, many desperate enough to give up their lives to end your own. If you have no knowledge of self defense, anyone with a little training will be able to overcome you and end your life," Tseng explained patiently.

"I have no plans to date anyone, despite what my father wishes. I am too busy to carry on with such needless activities," Rufus retorted, but the anger was gone now, only a stubborn resistance remaining.

Tseng almost raised an eyebrow at the youth's words, surprised by his lack of interest in the opposite sex. The President certainly indulged in those trying to win favor, and Tseng had assumed his son would be no different. It was an anomaly Tseng would keep in mind to investigate later.

"Regardless, unless you plan to have a Turk beside you at every moment of the day and night, you need these skills. A Turk's confidence is not an act, but based on the fact we have certain abilities. The self control and emotional facade you yearn for will be learned in a variety of ways and all of the activities I am proposing will help you to gain them."

Rufus was silent for a time and Tseng watched the variety of emotions playing over his face as he processed everything. It would be a challenge to teach the youth to be less transparent, but it would be worth the effort if it gained them security.

"Alright, I concede that I can see the positives of extending the training that I originally requested. What I do not understand is why I must have such a variety of teachers. One would assume you have the ability to teach me everything I need to know," Rufus finally murmured.

"Why would you only want me as a teacher?"

Rufus stood up from his desk and turned away, a sudden blush staining his cheeks. "Are you not the best of the Turks? As their leader, I assumed that was the case and if I am to be trained, I would insist on the most skilled person carrying out that training," Rufus explained as he walked to the window, keeping his back facing Tseng. "As the future President of Shinra, I do not think that assumption is unreasonable."

Tseng's curiosity only grew, Rufus' explanation delivered in a far from confident tone of voice, even if the reasoning behind it was sound. There was something going on he was not picking up clearly and it bothered him to have an unknown cropping up in the middle of his plans. Shaking off his concerns for now, he decided to just continue with his persuading.

"Giving you a variety of teachers is simply more efficient. We all have different strengths, and while under instruction you will have the opportunity to study each member of the Turks and see how their styles differ. Also, there is the issue of the President requesting that I regularly return to Midgar to give reports and carry out some minor missions. While I am absent, your training with the others can continue."

Rufus nodded, letting out a sigh that sounded more resigned than annoyed. "I accept your recommendation for the time being," he finally conceded, turning around to meet Tseng's eyes. "But you will oversee my training and if I have concerns in the future, I expect them to be addressed by you alone. Do I make myself clear?"

"Understood, Sir," Tseng replied, giving a slight bow of acquiescence.

"So what will I be starting with today?" Rufus inquired, walking over to stand before Tseng, arms still folded over his chest.

"Elena will begin teaching you basic hand to hand self defense today," Tseng began. "I would suggest that you change into clothing of a more suitable kind though, as it will be a very physical lesson. She is already awaiting you in our private training room."

"Physical...," Rufus repeated, frowning in confusion. "Am I to assume you expect me to fight with a girl?"

Tseng smiled, but there was little humor in the expression. "I can assure you that you do not have the ability to harm Elena at present, Sir. I would be far more concerned about her injuring you. She is very fast and highly skilled."

"She's a girl," Rufus repeated, looking at Tseng as if he'd taken leave of his senses.

"I have noticed, Sir, and before this conversation continues, I think it would be best for you to go to your lesson and find your answers for yourself." Tseng's annoyance of Rufus' ignorance was only tempered by the fact that Elena would pick up his sexist attitude quickly and then teach the youth the error of his misconceptions rather thoroughly.

***.***

Tseng had decided to give Rufus a week to get used to Elena's lessons before he introduced another teacher, figuring that the blond was going to have trouble adjusting to the purely physical aspects of it. While Rufus had been extensively educated, it had all been carried out by private tutors with the focus being on business knowledge alone. Too many hours behind a desk had left the young man with no stamina and very little strength.

Tseng had expected it would be a difficult adjustment, but he hadn't expected Elena to come to him on the third day with the news that Rufus was refusing to train any further.

Standing before the Vice President's desk, Tseng was now waiting for him to get off the phone so they could discuss why. Rufus was dragging out the call, obviously not wanting to address the issue, but Tseng was determined not to let this go so easily. When the call finally ended, Rufus scowled up at him, surprising Tseng with the severity of his expression.

"Why are you refusing to go to your lesson?" Tseng asked calmly, ignoring the attitude directed at him. Rufus didn't reply, turning to his laptop and beginning to type with his lips set in a thin line. "I would think you were more mature than this, Mr Vice President. If there is a problem, we should discuss it and solve it. Only children simply refuse without an explanation."

"I am not a child," Rufus growled, hands stilling on the keyboard but his eyes remained on the screen. "I am simply accepting the boundaries of my own abilities. As amusing as my attempts may be, I have better things to be doing than entertaining bodyguards. Now, if you will get out of my office, I can get back to more productive uses of my time."

Tseng frowned, taken aback by Rufus' words and the venom behind them. "I can assure you, sir, I find no reason for amusement. It was your idea to improve yourself and I respect you for recognizing the need to do so. As for your boundaries, it has only been two days. It will take much longer for you to improve and nobody expects you to become an expert overnight."

"No matter what I say, you always have the perfect response and it is so very annoying," Rufus huffed out, eyes finally meeting Tseng's. "Are you ever unsure of yourself? Has there ever been a time in your life when you've felt completely out of your league to the extent that... that..." Rufus words faltered, and he brought up his hands to rub his eyes roughly. "Goddess, you're just so fucking aggravating with your perfect words and perfect... everything!"

"I am not perfect," Tseng retorted, his confusion clear on his face. "My skills are the result of years of training. I worked hard and if you do the same, you will achieve the results you desire."

"Oh just shut up!" Rufus exclaimed, standing from his seat and pushing his chair backwards in frustration, eyes avoiding Tseng's.

"Sir," Tseng said softly, taking a different tact in an attempt to defuse Rufus' annoyance. "You need to explain to me what I have done as I do not understand. What is it that you want from me?"

Rufus looked up suddenly, stalking around the desk to stop face to face with the head Turk. "What do I want from you?" he asked, eyes locked with Tseng. "I want to see you doubting yourself. I want to see words fail you as you tremble with indecision. I want to see you afraid and lost and... and..."

Suddenly, Rufus grabbed the collar of Tseng's jacket and kissed him hard, pushing the head Turk up against his desk as he pressed his body against him. Within moments, Tseng found himself responding, his mind spinning in a sudden burst of lust that had him moaning into the kiss before he could control it. By the time Rufus released him, Tseng was completely dazed and could only stare wide eyed at the triumphant looking teenager before him.

"Hah!" Rufus exclaimed. "Finally I find a crack in your perfection." The blond grinned and Tseng had to put a hand back to hold the edge of the table, legs suddenly unsteady under him. "Thank you, Tseng. You just gave me exactly what I needed. I will go and find Elena and resume my training."

With that the blond walked out of the office, leaving the head Turk staring at the open door as he tried to work out what the hell had just happened.

***.***

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><p>ACSTC10<p> 


	11. K : Kill

11

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><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Veld, Reno, Rude, Rufus, President Shinra

**Warnings** – Character death.

**Timeline** – Pre Crisis Core

**NOTES** – Tseng says goodbye to Veld.

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><p>Tseng sits and cleans his gun, face blank and back stiff. The movements are automatic, the routine so ingrained in his mind that he could do it blindfolded while reciting the Turk handbook, word for word. He has no thoughts to distract him, no missions to plan or schedules to adjust. Everything has stopped in preparation of what is about to occur, the future uncertain and based solely on what Tseng will do with the orders he's been given. There is only one choice he can make and he cannot stop his mind from focusing on it, pulling it apart piece by piece and searching for alternatives that don't exist.<p>

As futile as his thought patterns are, he sticks to them, terrified of letting his mind wander onto other paths that would be his undoing. Over and over the same things recycle in his mind until they are as automatic as the movements of his hands, both set on a loop that has him lost in his own diversion.

Tseng is just packing his cleaning instruments back into their case, his gun back in its holster, when the knock on the door sounds. He has timed the whole procedure perfectly but this success brings him no sense of achievement today. It only brings him one step closer to fulfilling his orders.

Rising from his chair, he buttons up his jacket as he approaches the door at a level pace. He does not hurry and he does not linger. Reno and Rude stand on the other side and are both dressed as immaculately as Tseng is. Rude's appearance is no surprise but Reno's throws Tseng for a moment, a lapse that is only short, but long enough for the redhead to fidget.

"By the book," Reno murmurs in explanation, not meeting Tseng's eyes as he breathes in deep, stilling his twitching.

Tseng would smile at the thoughtfulness of Reno's show of respect, but his lips are frozen into a line that will not move. He gives a short, quick nod instead, pulling the door closed behind him and leading the way down the hall, his last two Turks at his back. The silence is uncomfortable and loaded with so many unsaid words that Tseng feels the weight of them like a physical presence, heavy on his shoulders.

He is still lost in contemplation when he reaches the elevator doors and stops. It is only when Reno moves to press the call button that Tseng realizes his slip. Now that they are on their way, his mind is beginning to rebel, refusing to follow his commands for stillness and control. He can feel his heartbeat beginning to rise and takes a moment to close his eyes in the lift, fighting down his emotions and trying to freeze them into numbness.

_It's just another job, another life to take, _he tells himself, willing his mind to believe it. _How many lives have I taken and not felt a thing? This is no different. Just another job, another heart stopping, another soul returning to the lifestream._

They arrival on the correct floor is announced with a cheery ding of a bell, Tseng stepping into the hall and managing to keep his pace steady and his outward appearance a blank canvas, despite the turmoil inside. As they approach their final destination, Tseng's inner voice is drowned out by his own heartbeat, banging under his ribs like a bird trying to escape a cage.

He pauses to breathe in and out, all too aware of his men standing silently behind him. A part of him is ashamed and afraid that they will see his weakness, but his conscience is too busy curling up in the fetal position to care.

Tseng knocks and the door opens to a smiling man, one of the President's private staff, though Tseng cannot recall his name at present. Tseng does not smile back.

"The President will be here shortly. His last meeting ran overtime so the schedule has been pushed back by around ten minutes. If you gentlemen would kindly wait inside for him to arrive," he instructs, pausing to stand back and gesture into the room.

Tseng enters, and walks to the centre of the room but by the time he turns, the door is closing behind the man, the Turks left to wait alone. They do not talk, as they'd previously discussed this very possibility. It was Turk protocol to leave suspects alone together to talk while monitoring the room and Tseng almost rolls his eyes at how stupid it was of the President to try and use one of their own tactics against them.

Nobody moves to the provided chairs against one wall, although all three find their gazes drawn to the plastic sheeting that had been laid on the floor on the opposite wall to the chairs. Once Tseng's eyes focus on it, he can't pull them away.

_Practical, _his mind supplies and he almost growls at himself at the reflex thought. _No, just wrong... so very, very wrong._

Tseng happens to think himself an expert on wrongness, as most of his life has been painted in its darker hues. Some wrongs he even likes, probably more than is healthy for a human, but he had accepted that side of himself many years ago and left his doubts behind. He was proud to be a Turk and held no doubts or shame over any of his previous actions on the job.

Today will be a whole new level of wrong that he'd previously never experienced though and he knows without a doubt that he will feel shame... amongst other things he is trying hard to not think about.

By the time the President and his entourage arrive, Tseng is standing over by the only bare wall in the room, facing the opposite door with a flat expression. Rude and Reno are behind him, one to each side. Tseng has managed to calm himself externally at least, as he watches them enter with a group of Soldier second class. The Soldiers are all armed, making it clear to Tseng that the Turks will all end up on that plastic sheeting if he does not cooperate.

Tseng is relieved to see that only the President and his son, Rufus, are there from the hierarchy of the company, as he'd been worried that all the department heads may be called to witness the Turk's punishment. It was bad enough that the President has brought his secretary with him and as the young woman giggles and grins at her boss, Tseng feels his stomach twist painfully. The President smiles and pats her hand, as if this is some kind of macabre date and Tseng has to look away, his eyes darting to the President's son.

At least Rufus isn't smiling. The young man looks serious, his eyes on the plastic on the floor, just as Tseng's own had been. Tseng watches the fine features twist into a frown before moving onto his father, just in time to see the older man kiss his secretary's hand. As she giggles again, Rufus glares at them both, his seat behind them giving him free range to let his emotions show. A part of Tseng's brain tries to log the apparent hatred away for later introspection, but it is quickly forgotten as soon as the door to the room opens again.

Veld is wearing his Turk suit, a new one by the looks of it. He appears as crisp and clean as the other three Turks in the room and for some reason that ,in itself, makes it all the worse for Tseng. He can't look away, his eyes glued to his mentor as the older man strides into the room confidentially and takes his place standing in the centre of the plastic sheeting facing the President.

"Veld, you have been found guilty of treason. Do you have any last words before the new Director of the Turks executes you?" the President drawls, seeming to enjoy drawing out the drama.

"I'd like to say something to Tseng before he carries out my sentence," Veld replies, voice even and showing no strain or fear.

"Take position, Director, and once he's done, carry out the sentence," the President commands, looking pleased.

Tseng's heartbeat was already racing but it picks up speed at the mention of his name, his eyes widening as he moves into the centre of the room facing Veld. It allows him to turn his back on the spectators, only leaving Rude and Reno to see his face, if only in profile. He pulls out his gun from the holster under his arm, holding it down by his side, pointing at the ground as he waits for Veld to speak.

The room becomes suddenly quiet and Veld finally meets Tseng's eyes. They stare at each other and Tseng feels something inside of him on the point of breaking, like a vase teetering on the edge of a table, ready to fall.

Veld smiles.

The vase falls and a part of Tseng shatters. He hides it well, only a small sound escaping him that could be easily written off as surprise. The way Veld's eyes soften tells Tseng that he understood the real reason behind the sound.

"I want you to know how proud I am of you," Veld begins, eyes fixed on Tseng as the younger Turk began to tremble, ever so slightly. "Lead the Turk's with strength and courage... and remember me as I was, before it all went so wrong."

Tseng nods, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he bites down on it hard, unable to speak. Veld simply kneels down in place and Tseng walks closer, his whole nervous system going into overdrive. He lifts his gun and holds it up with both hands to try and stop the shaking of his limbs, pressing the barrel against Veld's forehead as he clicks off the safety. He is so close he can smell his mentor's aftershave, and for a moment he closes his eyes, breathing it in as he tries to find the resolve he needs to carry this out, to kill someone he loves.

Eyes open suddenly as he realizes what he's just thought. He loves Veld, his mentor, the closest thing to a father he's ever had and the first person in the world to ever care about him. Tseng has never loved someone before, in any way, shape or form and the sudden epiphany almost makes him lose his control.

"Tseng," Veld's voice whispers, catching his attention. "Breathe in deep, son, and just pull the trigger."

"I love you... father," Tseng whispers back, the words just slipping out in his panicked confusion. He doesn't understand completely but he feels he has to tell him, before he is gone forever.

"I love you too, son," Veld replies softly, a small smile on his face once more despite his troubled eyes. "Now pull the trigger and protect our Turks. I'll be watching and waiting for you."

Tseng nods again, knowing he is running out of time and the President's patience will not last. Veld closes his eyes and let out a breath and just as he starts to breathe in again, Tseng pulls the trigger.

*** The End ***

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><p>ACST11<p> 


	12. l : Lollypops

12

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><p><em><strong>Characters -<strong>_ Tseng, Sephiroth, Lazard, Reno

_**Warnings -**_ None this time

_**Timeline -** _Pre Crisis Core

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><p><em><strong>Note:-<strong>_ _For my American readers, lolly/lollies is a term used in Australia, New Zealand and England for lollypops. It is used as a broad term in Australia and New Zealand for any candy of any type. I usually try to stick to American English and terminology in my stories, simply because most of my readers are American, but I felt the need for a familiar term here. Forgive me for being self indulgent. Also, I am a smoker and have failed at giving up so many times it's not funny, so I'm not bagging smokers here. I'm just musing about Tseng's successful attempt at kicking the habit._

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><p>Tseng doesn't remember why he started smoking, but he knows he has to stop. The habit has taken a hold of him and it's finally starting to affect him in ways he can't deny. His strategy of ignorance and self denial is crumbling under the weight of a persistent cough that is constantly tickling his throat, even when he's breathing in fresh air.<p>

Veld's frown every time he coughs isn't helping either. He hates to displease his mentor and, even though Veld has never spoken to him about his habit, he can see the disappointment in those eyes. To avoid the looks, Tseng has cut down and doesn't smoke in Veld's presence anymore but he knows Veld can still smell the evidence of his continuing vice.

Sephiroth is another unimpressed onlooker, and the general has taken to cringing up his perfect nose and making the most adorably disgusted expression if Tseng lights up in his presence. At the start of their relationship,that probably would have been enough to make Tseng quit, but now he sometimes lights up just to annoy the General. Not much gets a reaction from Sephiroth these days and if partaking in his favorite bad habit brings out a human response in his lover, than why not?

That train of thought is childish though, and Tseng realizes it. While riling up his lover may be entertaining, the cigarettes have taken a hold of him and he needs to break away from them before they do him any permanent damage. Besides, he's sure he can find another, less self destructive way to force humanity on Sephiroth.

All of these thoughts circulate in his head as he stands in the alleyway behind the Shinra tower, breathing in the nicotine that somehow makes him feel better. There isn't much in this world that pleases Tseng, and it's ironic that he can find such an emotion at the end of a burning stick of paper and plant.

He realizes though, that this won't be easy. The very fact he'll stand here in a stinking alley, just to get a fix where Veld can't find him, is enough proof that he's in too deep. Looking down at the cigarette, he rolls it in between his fingers frowning before flicking the ash off the end and watching it fall to the ground.

He needs a plan, some way to take the edge off his cravings so he has a chance of success.

***.***

Two weeks into Tseng's attempts to cut back, he has to admit that in this, he may just fail. Today the urge for a cigarette has left him aggravated and distracted, and he's come down to his car to smoke far earlier than he usually manages.

He only smokes in his car and at home now but has found that the only thing that going without for longer periods has achieved, is that when he does smoke, he smokes twice as many. He's starting to get annoyed and realizing that giving up this need is going to be far harder than he first suspected. His home stinks. His car stinks. He guesses that he stinks too, but the need for that smoky goodness makes all of these things fade into insignificance in the moment.

He's not going to live long in this profession anyway, so why not enjoy a few bad habits? A bullet is still more likely to be his end than some smoking related disease. Everyone has some kind of chemical crutch in life to help them along, help then to deal, and he could be an alcoholic or drug addict, after all, and wouldn't that be worse? At least cigarettes don't muddle his mind or affect his ability to perform at work.

The cigarette he's enjoying has burnt down too far while he's been trying to justify his habit to himself and the next inhale burns his throat, making him cough and choke. He stubs it out in the ashtray in his dashboard, frowning at the smell from the burning filter.

The coughing is his least favorite part of this whole situation, although even that could be more a result of the pollution he's sucking down everyday rather than the cigarettes. He knows he isn't as fit as he was before, but usually it's the trainee Turk's that do most of the leg work anyway, so why worry? He can still outrun most of his coworkers, even if he has slowed down a little.

As for his personal life, Sephiroth may make faces and complain about the smell, but he still comes over most days when he's not away on missions. They still have sex and it's no less passionate or enjoyable. Sephiroth still kisses him deeply and seems to just ignore the taste of nicotine that is always there.

When it comes to Veld, he hasn't voiced any problem with cigarettes, so surely Tseng is over reacting in thinking the older man hates it or is upset with him. If it was really a serious issue he needed to address, wouldn't his mentor say something?

Really, why should he be putting himself through all the trouble of trying to quit anyway? He's just human and deserves a bad habit that he can call his own, surely? In the end, it's just stress relief after all.

Tseng lights up another and draws a deep breath, sighing as his neurons register a need fulfilled. He's far more relaxed now as he stares out the windscreen at the cement wall in front of his car, the radio playing down low in the background adding to his calm state.

He doesn't hear the footsteps approaching until they are far too close, but luckily, it's just Reno that's comes looking for him.

"Hey boss," the youth drawls out, leaning against the next car, just outside Tseng's open window. Tseng turns and gives him a small smile, but the expression falls away as he notices something in his protégé's hand. Reno is smoking and suddenly Tseng feels overwhelmed by guilt.

The redhead inhales, watching Tseng watch him. The silence between them continues and Tseng can only stare with an expression of despair on his face, his own cigarette long forgotten as it burns down in between his fingers where they rest on the steering wheel of his car.

Reno's eyes flick over to Tseng's hand, just as a sudden pain draws his own attention that way. His cigarette has burnt down so far that it's burnt his fingers and Tseng swears, stubbing it out before fussing over the mess the ash has made on his legs. By the time he turns back to Reno, the redhead is gone.

Frowning, Tseng gets out of his car and locks the door, pausing to look at the discarded cigarette Reno has stomped out into the asphalt. Squatting down, he takes a closer look and notices it's even the same brand as his own. His next breath comes out shaky and Tseng leans back against his car's door, still squatting on the ground, and closes his eyes.

This has to stop.

***.***

Three days later Tseng is at his desk, muscles so tight with stress that he's already taken the maximum daily dose of pain killers for the headache assaulting him. The pills aren't helping with the pain though, and the cravings for a cigarette are driving his temper to seethe just under the surface, ready to break free at any moment. It's been the longest three days of his life and the only thing he can focus on right now is how much he needs a cigarette and how easy it would be to just give in and go buy some.

"Looking a little stressed this morning, boss," Reno comments offhandedly, walking through his office door without knocking to perch on the side of Tseng's desk.

Tseng tries for a sound of indifference but it comes out sounding more like a growl. Reno only raises an eyebrow in reaction, his smile not faltering in the slightest. Tseng feels like punching that grin off his face and the thought stuns him a little, short circuiting his rise to anger. He's never once thought of hurting Reno before.

"Since ya always taking care of me and making sure I'm okay, I decided to go buy a present that'll help ya out," Reno declares, placing a brown paper bag in the middle of Tseng's desk, right on top of the report he's been trying to write for the past two hours.

"A present?" Tseng asks, looking suspiciously at the bag.

"Just open it," Reno insists, rolling his eyes. "It's nothing dangerous or disgusting. Trust me."

Tseng exhales, ripping open the top sealed edge and looking down into the bag without further pause. What he finds inside has him frowning in confusion and looking back at Reno in question.

"It's not an insult, so stop going there in your head," Reno quickly says, standing up so he can take a step back away from Tseng. "Just..." The redhead scratches his head, searching for the right words and Tseng allows him the time to find them as he reaches into the bag to pull out one of the lollypops. Tseng notices there is a variety of colors, shapes and flavors inside and he guesses that there's at least twenty lollypops, if not more.

"It helps to have something to replace the smokes," Reno finally blurts out, hands disappearing into his pockets as his body slumps into a rare submissive pose, his eyes downcast. "When I gave up, before I met you, I used to suck on them to keep my mouth busy. It really helped me, so I thought it might help you too."

Tseng's eyes soften and he manages a small smile at his protégé's thoughtfulness. As strange as it is to be given a bag of lollypops, the reasons behind the gesture are sound and he appreciates the thought, even if he doubts he'll make use of them.

"That is thoughtful of you," Tseng finally murmurs, turning the sweet he is holding in his hand and noticing the purple ball on a stick seemed to be labeled as dumbapple flavored. "I've never had much of a sweet tooth before though, I must admit."

"It's not about the sweetness, it's about having something in your mouth to distract you," Reno insists, moving back closer to the desk and reaching into the bag to take one for himself. "Look, I know it seems a little weird at first, but trust me, it really helps."

Tseng is less than convinced, but as Reno unwraps one of the lollies and pops it into his mouth, he finds himself imitating him. The apple flavor is overly sweet as it sits on his tongue, but as he starts to suck on the sweet, he realizes that having the stick between his lips does feel oddly comforting in his present state of withdrawal.

Glancing up at Reno, he finds the redhead smiling around the lollypop in his own mouth and Tseng returns the expression, before pulling the lolly out with a slight popping sound.

"Thank you, Reno. I do believe that these will help," he states before putting it back in his mouth, the stick on the end moving around as he sucks on it contentedly.

Reno grinned, giving a wink before sauntering out of Tseng's office, humming a random tune. Tseng could only grin after him, feeling a little better already.

***.***

By the next Monday morning, Tseng's withdrawal had calmed a little, although he still found himself spending a majority of his days thinking about cigarettes. The lollypops were helping though, and Tseng found he'd spent the weekend at home chewing on the sticks long after he'd finished the sweet that came on the end. It was somehow soothing just to have something else between his lips, physically taking the place of the cigarettes he'd become so attached too.

He did not want to be seen chewing on an old lollypop stick at work though, and as he'd run out of Reno's lollypops last night, he'd stopped into a shop on the way to work and picked up the first similar sweet he'd found. It was a different brand to the ones Reno had bought him, but tasted similar as he popped it into his mouth and entered the Shinra building.

First up, Tseng had a meeting in his office to discuss security for an upcoming event. Veld had recently put him in charge of dealing with interdepartmental relations, and as much as he usually disliked this part of his job, he didn't mind so much when the meeting was with the Director of Soldier. Lazard Deusericus was always polite and to the point, characteristics sorely missing from some of the other Department Heads in Shinra.

Tseng was checking his emails when his guest arrived, and he was surprised to find that Lazard was not alone.

"Tseng, I hope you don't mind. General Sephiroth has accompanied me as we have a debriefing immediately after this. He's just come back from his latest mission and I ran into him on the way here," Lazard explained, taking a seat as Tseng busied himself with making both men tea, trying to keep his eyes from being drawn to his lover.

Sephiroth had been gone for three weeks and Tseng found himself a little excited to have him home, not that he planned to let the other man find out just how much he'd been missed. The General was already arrogant enough without Tseng stroking his ego any further.

"That is fine, Sir," Tseng replied, his back to both the other men. "We're going over the preliminary plans today, General, and you may have some suggestions we can take into consideration."

As Tseng finished making the tea and served it, Lazard busied himself with showing Sephiroth the plans and filling him in on the extent of Soldier's participation. Tseng joined the discussion and half an hour later, the details had been worked out to both departments satisfaction.

As the conversation ebbed and his guests finished their second cups of tea, Tseng began to twitch under the intense gaze Sephiroth had been sending him over the course of the meeting. Glancing up, he intended to shoot Sephiroth a warning glare to halt the behavior but paused when he found Lazard was looking at him too now. The Director's eyes were focused on Tseng's lips and he had an odd expression on his face.

"Is there a problem?" Tseng asked, his eyes flicking between both men.

"Oh, my apologies, Tseng," Lazard quickly replied, his eyes meeting Tseng's. "I just never realized that you had a sweet tooth before."

Tseng felt his pulse quicken as he realized that he was still sucking on the lollypop and had forgotten to remove it before the meeting had started. He'd gotten so used to having one in his mouth that he hadn't even noticed, able to speak around the obstruction quiet well now. He couldn't help but be mortified by how rude his oversight was.

"I-I am very sorry, Sir. I forgot it was there and I meant to remove it before you arrived," he hurriedly explained, popping the sweet out of his mouth and discarding it in the bin next to his desk. "I recently gave up smoking and have been using these to help with the withdrawal."

Lazard smiled widely, nodding in understanding. "Ah, that explains it then. So, no sweet tooth?" he chuckled out, eyes falling back to Tseng's lips.

"No, Sir. Not usually," Tseng replied, licking his suddenly dry lips as decently as he could manage with Lazard still staring at them.

"I'm glad to hear you've finally given up," Sephiroth stated, pulling Tseng's eyes to him with his words. "You're such an attractive man and it was regretful to see your beauty marred by such a habit."

Tseng stared, stunned to silence that Sephiroth would say such things in front of his own superior. While it was hardly outing their relationship, it was an extremely inappropriate thing to say to a coworker and he felt his face heat instantly to hear such words from his lover.

"Now, now, Sephiroth. Tseng is an attractive man either way," Lazard murmured, Tseng's eyes switching back to the Director and widening in shock at the teasing expression the Director was now sending his way. "And besides, it's not proper to flirt at a business meeting. It's near impossible to concentrate with a beautiful subordinate distracting us as it is, without you making him blush as well."

Tseng felt his face heat further as he swallowed nervously, pushing down the urge to scowl at his guests. As much as he wanted to bite out a comment on them both being out of line, Lazard was far too high up in the hierarchy for him to be rude to.

"I am sorry, Tseng. I promise in the future to resist the urge to speak of your beauty at business meetings and make you blush," Sephiroth apologized, smiling wickedly while Lazard began to chuckle.

Lazard's phone chose that exact moment to ring and Tseng pulled in a breath, sending Sephiroth a dark glare as soon as the blond turned away to answer it. Sephiroth only grinned back, not seeming to be affected in the slightest by Tseng's anger towards him. Looking away, Tseng concentrated on slowing his racing heart and calming himself, trying to ignoring Sephiroth for now.

"I'm afraid that we have been called away, Tseng," Lazard sighed, turning back as he flipped his phone closed. "I'm glad we managed to achieve so much today though and I do apologize for Sephiroth's behavior. The Soldiers all tend to be a little feisty when they return from such long missions. I hope you won't hold it against our department in the future."

"Of course not, Sir. I understand," Tseng responded, standing up as Lazard did, and reaching across the desk to shake hands. As Lazard let go, the general's hand suddenly grasped Tseng's before he could withdraw it.

"I do earnestly apologize for any offence I may have caused," Sephiroth murmured, lips curling in a smile that wasn't regretful in the slightest. Tseng rolled his eyes, not amused in the slightest as he looked away, refusing to let the general upset him any further. Sephiroth took the opportunity of his moment of inattention to bring his lips down to kiss the back of Tseng's hand.

"Sephiroth!" Tseng hissed, eyes back on the smirking general in an instant. "What is wrong with you?" Managing to pull his hand free, Tseng took a step backwards, face once more burning in embarrassment as his lover just chuckled at his distress.

"I was simply overcome by your beauty. I will endeavor to control myself better in the future," Sephiroth said by way of excuse, his voice earnest even if his expression made it clear that his intentions were anything but honorable.

Tseng could only stare as the General turned away, leaving Tseng's office without looking back. Tseng's gaze followed him out the door, only to find Lazard looking back from where he had stopped to wait for the general, just outside. The young blond smiled before turning to walk away with Sephiroth, and Tseng found himself staring until they were out of sight. He then rounded the desk and shut the door, leaning back against it with a frustrated sigh.

A lollypop was definitely not going to be enough now.

Ten minutes later, Tseng was back down in the alley behind the Shinra building, sucking the life out a cigarette that he had stolen out of his secretary's desk while she went to make herself a coffee. It burnt his throat, tasted like crap and made him feel like a complete failure.

It was also one of the most enjoyable cigarettes he'd ever had in his life.

Once he was finished, he made his way back upstairs feeling much calmer. On the way down, he'd received strange looks from people he'd passed and attributed it solely to his angry expression, but he found he was still getting them now, even though his expression had calmed. Frowning, he decided to visit the men's room on the way back, to make sure there wasn't something embarrassing about his appearance. What he found in the mirror left him momentarily frozen in mortification.

His lips were stained red, and not just a light shade either. The color was so dramatic and noticeable that it looked like he was wearing lipstick. Cursing, Tseng lifted a hand to his lips, running a finger along one as he thought over what could have caused it, coming to only one conclusion. The lollypop he had purchased this morning must be the culprit.

"Wow, what's with the makeup, boss? You going undercover as a girl or something?" Reno exclaimed from behind him, making the usually calm Tseng jump in surprise. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard the door to the men's room open.

"N-no," Tseng retorted, wincing as his voice stuttered. He took a deep breath before attempting speech again, thankful for the way Reno waited for him to collect himself. "I ran out of lollypops this morning so I bought one on the way to work. I believe _it _did this to my lips and I only just noticed."

Reno grinned, walking closer as he stared at Tseng's lips in the mirror. "Oh, I probably should of warned you not ta buy the corner store ones. They've usually got so much food coloring in them that they stain ya lips. Want me to pick you up some more of those other ones that don't?"

"Yes, that would be very helpful, Reno," Tseng murmured, letting out a breath when the redhead didn't tease or mock him. "Do you... I mean, is there anyway to get rid of the color?"

"Nah, it'll just wear off in a few hours on its own," Reno replied, stopping behind Tseng and resting his chin on his shoulder. He gazed at Tseng in the mirror as his mentor frowned at his own refection.

"A few hours?" Tseng muttered dejectedly, hand coming up again to run over his lips. "I suppose I'll have to lock myself in my office until it does then."

Reno chuckled, hands coming to rest on Tseng's hips lightly. "Ya don't have ta hide," he murmured, grin bright under the fluorescent lights. "Besides, it looks good on you." The scowl he received for his words went unheeded, Reno only chuckling again.

"It doesn't look good at all. I look like a damn woman and I've already just sat through a whole meeting without knowing... making a total fool of myself," Tseng retorted, thinking back over this morning and wincing as he realized this was probably the reason behind Sephiroth and Lazard's odd behavior. "Maybe I should just go home."

"Hey," Reno whispered, his arms snaking around Tseng to hug him from behind. "It's not that bad. Who was the meeting with and what did they say to upset ya so much?"

"The Director of Soldier. By the end of the meeting he kept staring at my lips and making odd comments," Tseng replied, unsure of whether or not he should mention Sephiroth's name to Reno. The redhead was aware of his relationship with the general, but seemed to dislike Sephiroth so much that Tseng often avoided mentioning him if possible. He moved his own hands to rest on Reno's around his waist and sighed again, deciding to be truthful so his protégé would understand his distress. "Sephiroth was there too and he kept flirting with me. It was so humiliating to be treated like that in front of the Director. I think Lazard might know about..."

"Don't say it," Reno mumbled, all traces of humor gone from his face as he interrupted Tseng's words. "This room ain't safe," he added in a whisper, Tseng mentally kicking himself when he realized Reno was right. The toilets were all equipped with cameras on the upper floors, although they only focused on the sink areas to catch conversations and gossip in passing colleagues. Tseng was ashamed he had forgotten.

"Look, I gotta go downtown to pick up some shit for the President," Reno continued, lifting his chin off of Tseng's shoulder but keeping his arms around him. "How about you drive me, so ya can get out for awhile? I was looking for Rude to take me, but it'd give you a nice excuse to get some air and it'll take at least an hour. You'll probably be back to looking like ya normal spunky self by then."

Tseng smiled, a hand giving a light squeeze to one of Reno's arms around him. "Thank you, Reno."

"No problem," the redhead replied, face back to its usual amused expression as he released Tseng and stood back. "Ya can buy me lunch while we're down there, just cause I'm such an awesome underling."

Tseng tried to glare in feigned annoyance, but he couldn't keep the smile from his face as he led Reno out of the bathroom and back to his office to grab his keys. By the time they were down in the car park, Reno had begun his usual habit of nonsensical conversation and Tseng had forgotten all about his stained lips and the general's flirting.

***The end***

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><p>ACST12<p> 


	13. M : Maneuvering

Chapter 13 – M - Maneuvering

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><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Reno.

**Warnings** – Swearing, sex.

**Timeline** – During Rufus' exile in Junon. 8 days after chapter 10.

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><p>Tseng sat at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and watching as Reno tried to balance a knife across the top of the catuar shaped salt shaker with a concentration seldom seen in the redhead. He wasn't watching because this was anything new... in fact, Reno usually did this every morning at breakfast, simply because it was something Rude could do and he couldn't.<p>

Tseng had never tried himself and wasn't about to now. He'd had two hours sleep in the last 48 hours, sitting upright in the chopper that had brought him back from Midgar, and while the coffee was keeping him upright, he knew his co-ordination would be shot to shit.

The fact he was even sitting here, watching Reno and thinking up reasons why he wouldn't take a turn at the inane challenge was enough to convince Tseng that once his meeting with Rufus was done, sleep was the only thing he would be doing for the next four hours. Five if Rufus decided to be brief, but that was unlikely.

"Can you hold down the fort until lunch while I catch up on some sleep?" Tseng murmured, the sound of his voice making Reno jump a little, the knife clanging to the table as he looked up at Tseng with a lazy scowl.

"Yeah, yeah. Not like I haven't been doing that all week already. 'Sides, nothing vaguely interesting ever happens in this fuckhole of a town," he muttered, leaning back in his chair and putting both feet up on the table, balancing act forgotten for now. "You need some sleep. You look like shit."

"Why, thank you Reno. You look like shit too," Tseng retorted flatly, sipping his coffee again as he prayed the caffeine would give him some patience. _Any minute now..._

"When did ya last close your eyes for more than a couple of hours anyway?" Reno asked, ignoring the returned insult in favor of studying Tseng across the table.

"Not since I was last here, but I have had plenty of naps along the way. I'm fine and will be rectifying the deficit of sleep soon enough."

"Seriously? You've been gone for eight days and you haven't had a decent sleep that whole time? How the fuck are you still conscious?" Reno insisted, putting his legs down on the floor so he could reach across and stop Tseng from taking another drink from his cup. His hand on Tseng's was gentle but insistent, and Tseng didn't have the energy to move it.

"I'm fine, Reno. It's not the first time I've had so little sleep over a week," Tseng murmured, meeting the redhead's concerned eyes with his own stubborn gaze. "I just have to give my report and then I will sleep."

"Nah, fuck that," Reno announced, standing up and coming around the table without letting go of Tseng's hand. "You need to sleep now."

"Reno, do not order me around," Tseng muttered, his tone showing his growing annoyance. He really didn't have the patience to argue with the redhead's overprotective instincts right now and his next sentence was little more than a growl. "I am not a child and I can handle myself without your assistance."

Reno paused for a moment beside him, Tseng's tone of voice obviously having the desired effect. He released Tseng's hand after a moment, sighing in frustration as he looked away with a frown twisting his features. Tseng's eyes went back to his coffee, looking at the nearly empty cup as if he could refill it by will alone.

His thoughts skipped once more to Rufus, without his permission. He hadn't seen the blond since the day he'd been kissed by him, and that moment had been bothering him, clinging to the edge of every thought, the whole time he was away. Tseng knew he'd never get any kind of decent sleep until he'd found out if Rufus was going to pretend it never happened or act differently because of it. He needed to know first, so he could plan the Turks next move in trying to earn the young heir's support. All of the uncertainty would only keep him awake otherwise.

"Fine, Mr Invincible. At least let me make ya another coffee while ya wait for everyone to wake up," Reno murmured, turning his back on Tseng to fiddle with the coffee machine on the counter.

With a sigh of his own, Tseng relented and swallowed down his temper. "Fine," he mumbled, a little embarrassed he'd snapped at the redhead when he was only looking out for Tseng's best interests. As Reno turned and placed a new cup on the table and reached for the old one, Tseng reached out and stopped his hand with his own. "I'm sorry Reno. I didn't mean to be so..."

"Bitchy?" Reno supplied with a grin.

Tseng managed a small smile back, nodding in acceptance. Reno's chuckle eased his conscience though, and he began drinking his new coffee, managing not to make a face at the odd taste he encountered. Reno never could make a decent cup. When it came to breakfast though, the redhead excelled. Tseng watched as Reno began getting out ingredients to cook for everyone, taking his time drinking the coffee as he still had around ten minutes before the clock hit six am.

Rude would be here then, if not before, always waking up on time and frequently early if it was Reno's turn to cook. There was an interesting bond forming between Reno and Rude, one Tseng was curious about, although he wouldn't ask about it yet.

Elena wouldn't be there until someone relieved her of her post, as she was on night duty guarding Rufus this week. Once Tseng had spoken to Rude, he was going to head to Rufus' room with the heir's breakfast, planning on giving his report while Rufus ate. He would catch up with Elena on the way and send her back to breakfast, so the other three could eat together.

Now though, he could only sit and wait for Rude to arrive, so he dragged his gaze from Reno's ass before the redhead noticed him staring again, and looked at his quickly disappearing coffee once more. A sudden wave of exhaustion swept over him, catching him off guard as he'd been beginning to brighten up a little before. His eyes wanted to close and he was having to fight just to keep them open now, his hands releasing the coffee mug as he lifted them to rub over his face.

"What the...," he mumbled out as his body slumped in the chair, eyes flickering closed as he gripped the edge of the table simply to keep himself from falling. The sudden arms he felt curl around him were a comfort at first, until he heard what Reno whispered in his ear.

"Sorry to do this to ya, boss, but sometimes you just don't know when to stop. I'll handle Rufus. You just sleep."

Tseng growled, the only sound he was able to make before blackness overtook him.

***.***

_A moan escaped Tseng's lips as he writhed in place, the kiss he'd been sharing with Rufus suddenly morphing into more in the blink of an eye. Rufus was now sucking on his cock, confidently taking in the whole length as Tseng reached down to grip the blond's head, fingers weaving through hair that was so very soft. Soft like Reno's..._

With a sudden intake of breath, Tseng opened his eyes and looked down to find Reno gazing up at him with a mouthful. The redhead winked as Tseng gasped, watching his cock disappear between those perfectly pouty lips.

"Reno...," Tseng groaned out, the sudden feeling of fingers inside of him, brushing over his prostate, making him arch back on the bed and spread his legs wider. His hands moved off of Reno's head, Tseng too worried about pulling hair as he was swept towards climax in the hands of an expert. "I... I'm gonna... fuck!"

His vision whiting out, Tseng could only writhe on the bed, hands gripping the sheets on either side of his body as he reached climax loudly, too dazed and half asleep to have the mind to be quiet. Reno kept sucking even after he'd stilled, fingers slowly continuing to fuck Tseng as the dark haired Turk tried to catch his breath. "Reno," he panted, hands moving down to cup the redhead's face as he looked down the length of his body at his coworker, trembling from the oversensitivity. "Want a kiss."

Reno let Tseng's cock fall out of his mouth slowly before crawling up over Tseng's naked body to give him the kiss he'd asked for. Tseng carded his hands through lose red strands, tasting himself on Reno's tongue and moaning into the youth's mouth as he felt the redhead's length press against him through the material of his pants.

"Why aren't you naked?" Tseng asked sleepily when Reno pulled back to smile down at him.

"You want me naked? I thought you were done for now," Reno joked, chuckling at the confused frown his words brought to Tseng's face. The smile disappeared when Tseng snuck a hand between them to squeeze the redhead's erection through his pants, and Tseng smiled at the way Reno's eyes closed and his hips thrust into the touch.

"Hmmm... I'm beginning to see ya point," Reno breathed out, eyes still closed as his hips found a slow rhythm. "Although, this was supposed to be just for you... but if ya insist on returning the pleasure..."

Tseng answered him by claiming the redhead's mouth in a deep kiss before flipping their positions so he was on top. He immediately busied himself with undoing the redhead's pants and pulling them off, while Reno removed his own shirt. When Tseng looked back up he got the perfect view of a completely bared Reno.

"Like what ya see, hot stuff?" Reno suddenly asked, waggling his eyebrows at Tseng and pulling a chuckle from the dark haired man, taking the edge of the sudden nervousness that had fallen over Tseng.

"Modesty is a wonderful personality trait," Tseng murmured, crawling back up and over Reno's now bare body with a smile. "Maybe you should try it some time."

"Nah," Reno retorted, hands moving to Tseng's waist before he pulled the older man down against his body. "You love me just as I am, remember?"

Tseng's smile lost it's teasing edge, turning a little sad as those words made him remember his first week with Reno living in his apartment. The redhead had been so young and vulnerable then, waking up from nightmares full of abuse that left him huddled in a corner, believing the words others had spat at him in the midst of their rage. Tseng had told him, over and over, that he was perfect, just the way he was and that anyone who didn't agree with Tseng didn't deserve to breath. They'd spent the next two weeks tracking some of the worst of them down, after hours, and making sure they'd never bother Reno's dreams again.

"I do," Tseng finally agreed, kissing the redhead's nose affectionately.

Reno's expression softened as one of his hands rose up to run tentative fingers down the side of Tseng's face. "You always will... won't you?" he asked in a small, vulnerable voice.

"Always," Tseng responded confidently, eyes locked onto Reno's. "No matter where life takes us, no matter who you end up taking as a partner, or who I end up taking as a partner, we will always have each other. We're family, bonded by our souls, if not by our blood and nothing will ever change that."

Reno smiled, and it was one of his rare, honest expressions. Tseng's heart skipped a beat at the sight of it and he could only grin back as Reno's hand cupped his face, pulling him back in for a deep kiss that swept all further thoughts away.

***.***

Half an hour later, both Turks were lying side by side on Tseng's bed, catching their breath. Tseng was wide awake now, two orgasms having well and truly cleared the last cobwebs of sleep from his mind. Glancing to his window, he noticed the sun was still shining through it and sighed in relief. _Still morning then._ Looking to his bedside table to check the time, he found his alarm clock was missing and frowned.

"Reno, where is my clock?" he asked, turning to look at the youth beside him.

"Oh... I borrowed it," Reno replied, not meeting his eyes.

"Do you know what time it is then?" Tseng asked, worried by Reno's refusal look at him. By the sun's rays shining through his window, not more than two hours could have passed since they were in the kitchen. After all, he knew from experience that after 9am the sun had moved high enough to be blocked out by the building next door to theirs.

"It was around 8 when I can in to wake you up."

"Hmm... good. Well, I don't know what you put in my coffee, but if you ever drug me again, I will kick your ass," Tseng warned, deciding not to harp on Reno's actions further, as he knew the redhead had done it out of concern for him. He did feel better for it too, so in a way he was thankful, although he wasn't going to tell Reno that. "At least I'm only a couple of hours late to give Rufus my report," Tseng added, rolling onto his side to face Reno. "I guess he was displeased there would be a delay when you told him?"

"He was... yesterday," Reno mumbled.

"What?" Tseng exclaimed, sitting up in the bed and glaring down at the redhead. "Did you say yesterday?"

Reno cringed, but finally looked at Tseng, eyes wide and a little panicked.

"Look it was yesterday, but before you kill me, you have to admit that you needed the sleep. Rufus isn't pissed off or anything, okay? I talked to him and told him that you'd had no sleep and was pale with dark rings under ya eyes and all. At first he didn't believe me but then I dragged his stuck up little ass in here and showed him, and he went all quiet, which was kinda weird at the time, but then he just nodded and said that he expected ya report by lunchtime today instead," Reno rambled, finally pausing to take a breath. "See, no problem and all handled so no need to kill me."

Tseng stared, mind focusing in on one thing in particular that Reno had said.

"You brought him in here and let him see me sleeping? Please tell me I wasn't naked."

"Ah... well, ya were, but nothing was showing or anything. I made sure... made him wait while I checked you were covered," Reno reassured, sitting up to be on eye level with Tseng as he chewed on his bottom lip nervously.

"What was weird about the way he reacted to me?" Tseng asked, his pulse picking up a little at the thought of Rufus watching him sleep. He was curious, a part of him wanting to know what had gone through Rufus' mind at that point.

Reno grinned a little, but quickly schooled the expression back into one more serious when Tseng lifted an eyebrow in annoyance. "Well, he just stood there at first. Then he walked closer and one hand reached out, like he was gonna touch your face or something. He pulled his hand back real quick before he made contact though, and then went red in the face and mumbled something I didn't catch before rushing out of the room. It was kinda cute... in a slightly creepy, stalkerish kind of way."

Tseng smiled, unable to stop the expression as he looked at Reno, who quickly grinned back.

"I think ya got an in with him, if ya were planning on still working that angle," Reno mused, tilting his head a little to one side.

"I was pondering the possibility... and he did kiss me once, just before I was sent to Midgar," Tseng admitted, deciding to be open about it to Reno. Out of all of the Turks, he would understand this without an explanation.

Reno's eyes widened a little, before he chuckled, shaking his head. "Hook, line, and sinker, I'd say then. He's got a crush on ya at least... think ya can make it more? We couldn't do better when it comes to allies. Well, except for the President himself but nobody wants to touch that, even if their lives depended on it."

Tseng nodded, smile widening at Reno's opinion of the current President. "Indeed, even I wouldn't order somebody down that path," he agreed, taking Reno's hand in his. "Rufus might be just the thing we need, although he is inexperienced, so I will have to take things slowly."

"Well, we got nothing but time here and nothing better to do with it," Reno murmured, flopping back down on the bed, but keeping his hand joined with Tseng's. "Suppose we shouldn't be playing like this while you're courting him, eh?"

"Well... maybe a little jealousy will do him good, give him a push to approach me again. After all, with his control issues, it would be better if he thinks this is his idea and that he's won me away from you. At least, in the beginning anyway," Tseng replied, lying back down on his side and curling against Reno, one hand coming to rest on the youth's chest. "Besides, it's my turn to top you next time and I was looking forward to it."

Reno laughed out loud, leaning over to kiss Tseng on the forehead. "Ya just can't resist my ass, can ya?" he teased.

Tseng pinched one of the redhead's nipples hard, making Reno squeak in protest before he leant over to kiss it better.

"Hey, don't start something ya got no time to finish. Ya got a brat to go seduce, haven't ya?" Reno complained, pulling Tseng's head away from his chest and up, so that they were face to face. "Now get your ass into that shower and go and give your _'oh so important' _report."

"Yes Sir," Tseng replied sarcastically, pulling himself up off of a chuckling Reno and heading for the shower.

***.***

Tseng had finished giving his official report to Rufus in just half an hour, the blond listening to what Tseng had to say before dismissing him with no further questions. It was the first since they came to Junon that Rufus hadn't kept Tseng in the room for at least an hour, as he usually insisted on pulling apart everything Tseng said in great detail, looking for angles and ways to gain from whatever was happening in Midgar at the time.

It was so surprising, that it left Tseng on edge, and after he'd brought in Rude to begin the second faze of Rufus' training, he'd taken time out to track down Reno and borrow a couple of cigarettes off him. Reno had raised an eyebrow in a silent question that Tseng had refused to answer, but after a few minutes the redhead relented and handed them over. Tseng's relief at being left in peace was short lived though, as he was only half way through the first cigarette before Reno walked out onto the roof of the building to join him.

"Okay, what's going on? Don't even think about saying nothing, cause after everything ya went through to quit, ya ain't smoking again over nothing," the redhead drawled, stopping beside Tseng at the railing and staring out over the ocean.

Tseng glanced at him before turning his eyes back to the blue, watching the dip and rise of the water in the distance.

"He won't even look at me," Tseng murmured, pausing as Reno lit up his own cigarette and took a deep inhale of it. "He asked no questions and didn't insist on hearing the local Midgar gossip, which he's never done before. It was as if he couldn't wait to get away from me."

Taking a small inhale of smoke, Tseng resisted the urge to cough, scowling at the taste. It used to bring him so much comfort, but now it just tightened his throat and made him wish the slight buzz had the same calming effect as it used to.

"Well, that's cause ya threw him off center and rattled his little gilded cage," Reno mused, reaching over and taking the cigarette from Tseng's hand before flinging it out into the water. "Ya don't need this shit," he continued, holding his own cigarette up between them. "...and ya gotta stop doubting yourself. Fuck, Tseng, even straight guys check out your ass when you walk past. Stop judging your attractiveness by his reaction to you on a day to day basis. We know he's interested. He's just gotta work through all that crap in his head first that's telling him he's better than ya... and all the homophobic shit his dad has been feeding him for years."

"He is the Vice President, soon to be the President. Realistically, he does deserve better than a Turk," Tseng muttered, looking longingly to where his cigarette had disappeared. "And what's with the anti smoking lectures. You gave up and then started again, so you have no right to insist I don't do the same." He frowned at Reno, who only grinned back as he took another drag on his own cigarette.

"Well, I'm a huge fucking hypocrite, ain't I? 'Sides, you smell too good to mar it with this shit. And I happen to know Rufus hates the smell of smoke. His dad's a cigar smoker, after all. He won't touch ya if ya start this shit up again."

Tseng sighed, hands coming forward to grip the railing in an effort to control the twitching need to hold a cigarette between his fingers. "Fine, you have a point," he conceded. "But how do I get him past this indecision? It's like I'm back at square one and all that I've achieved with him since coming here never happened at all."

"Don't do nothing. Just keep going as ya always have and he'll come around."

"But we might not have the time to wait. Things are changing in Midgar. There's talk of trouble between the general's, that a rift is growing. Some say it's heading for a crisis point." Tseng felt Reno's eyes on him but didn't turn to face the redhead, silently praying that he'd skip asking anything more direct about Sephiroth and Genesis. Unfortunately, history had proven again and again that Tseng's prayers always went unanswered.

"Did ya talk to Sephiroth?"

"Yes. He was... different. It's like we're strangers since Genesis...," Tseng stopped talking, his voice catching on the last word he'd said and threatening to break.

Reno's hand appeared over Tseng's on the railing and pulled it free, twining their fingers together before giving a little squeeze in support, grounding Tseng as he breathed in deep and closed his eyes. "Genesis looks at me as if his only want in the world is to kill me as slowly and painfully as possible, and Sephiroth looks at me as if I don't even exist. I'm not sure which is worse."

"Then being stuck here is a blessing, eh?" Reno said softly.

Tseng nodded, sighing again as he opened his eyes, but he didn't feel strong enough to look at Reno right yet. "I have to admit, I am glad for the distance."

"That's why ya didn't sleep while in Midgar, ain't it?" Reno asked, and Tseng didn't bother to nod this time, knowing that it was obvious. "Well, next time ya called in, I'm going with ya."

"What?" Tseng exclaimed, turning to meet the redhead's eyes. "You know we're under orders to stay here, and the President only ever calls me to do solo missions. He'd never allow you to come too."

"Well, fuck him. I'm sure we can come up with something to make it acceptable to that fat fuck. Besides, if what ya saying is true about Midgar, he'll be too busy dealing with the general's to worry about one extra Turk. Rude and Elena are capable of guarding Rufus on their own and we are in the middle of a fucking Shinra army base. It's not like Rufus is in any danger here."

Tseng realized that if he disagreed, Reno would just turn up in Midgar anyway, the redhead too stubborn once his mind was made up. "Fine. Next time I'll come up with something so that you can come too, alright?"

Reno nodded, grinning with satisfaction as he flicked his own cigarette out over the ocean. "Okay, now we've got that sorted, let's go and see how the brat is doing with his lesson with Rude. I'm gonna flirt a little with ya in front of him and be a little touchy, to give him a push in the right direction. Besides, I was looking forward to watching him try and argue with Rude... got twenty gil on him giving up after the first lesson."

"Why didn't anybody include me in the betting pool?" Tseng asked, releasing Reno's hand as they turned and walked towards the door that led into the building. "I'd be willing to bet thirty that he'll last three lessons. He is a Shinra after all."

"You're on boss," Reno chuckled out, opening the door and holding it for Tseng to enter with a cheeky grin. "After all, you don't know what Rude's planning today, do ya?"

"Oh, goddess help us all," Tseng sighed, walking in the door to the sound of Reno's laughter behind him.

***.***

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><p>ACST13<p> 


	14. N : Nostalgia

14

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><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Sephiroth

**Warnings** – Swearing, angst.

**Timeline** – During Rufus' exile to Junon

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><p>Tseng received the call informing him of Genesis' desertion while in Rufus' bed. It was 3am and both of them had woken at the sound of Tseng's phone, Rufus silently watching as Tseng sat up, trying to take the news without outwardly reacting.<p>

The sudden fear that swept over him was hard to hide, although Tseng thought he'd done a decent job considering the hour. Apparently, some discord slipped through to his expression though, as he felt the blond beside him rest a hand against his back in silent support.

Unfortunately, the move only disturbed Tseng even more.

It was the first time the young man had ever done anything vaguely caring towards him. There had only been lust and need so far, pleasure in the physical, and the smug belief that Rufus now had power over Tseng. Letting the blond think he was in control was part of the plan after all.

The sex had been quite frequent since this all began around a month ago, but this was only the second time Tseng had slept in the Vice President's bed and it wasn't like they'd ever really embraced in any way that wasn't sexual. They stayed on their own sides of the bed while they slept, together physically but a world apart emotionally.

Shaking off the distraction of Rufus, Tseng asked for some clarification of certain details, but mostly he just stayed silent and listened to Rude's detailed report. He'd sent the quiet Turk off to Midgar with Reno when his own sources had tipped him off, without the consent or knowledge of the President. It was a risky move, but Tseng hated being left in the dark, especially when it came to the movements of the generals.

He was about to hang up when Reno suddenly appeared on the line, excitement clear in his voice. Tseng sighed, running a hand through his hair as his own redhead added a few extra, more colorful facts to the report. Rumors were, after all, Reno's specialty.

"You know what this means, boss. You could be in serious danger here!" Reno insisted, Tseng forgetting his silent observer in the bed next to him, as he closed his eyes, trying to control his own rolling emotions at the reminder of his history with Genesis.

"I doubt he would take the time to... deal with me considering everything else. You overestimate my importance," Tseng murmured, trying to reassure himself as much as Reno.

"Bullshit. With him hating on Sephiroth all of a sudden and the way they trashed that training room before? Lovers quarrel in pure General style, and with them, that usually means you'll get dragged into it at some point. Sephiroth's been walking around like a storm cloud ever since. Rumors say it wasn't the first or the last argument. Shits been building up for months and Genesis has been going off at anyone unlucky enough ta come into view. Some say his instability could be mako related... or that he's just finally showing his true colors," Reno ranted, his own dislike for Genesis clear. "Seriously, Tseng. He's unstable and pissed off at everyone and everything right now. It's not a long shot that he might come after you considering ya history. Ya gotta increase the security there. Look, if nothing else, he could target Rufus. Just use that as an excuse and get some friggin' Seconds up in the Presidential suite."

"I will, but only because Rufus may be at risk. Considering how many others Genesis took with him, I'd say it's more likely they will set up camp somewhere and regroup... organize themselves before attacking anywhere. I doubt we would be a target considering the number of troops around us. What we need to do is find out what his future plans are. At the moment, we can only guess."

"Well, it's obviously got something to do with that other scientist that went missing, and maybe Lazard too. Colander or something? Rude, what was it again? Rude? Where the fuck did ya go?" Reno swore, the sound of movement through the phone clear as Tseng sighed and tried to keep his frustration in check.

"Reno, his name is Hollander," Tseng murmured, fingers twitching with the familiar urge for a cigarette.

"Oh yeah, that's it!" Reno exclaimed, chuckling down the line. "Fucked up name. Anyway, we found a trail that suggests Lazard was extorting funds, and it was close to being found out, so he's cut and run cause of that. I'd say he's neck deep in this shit too, considering the timing though. When ya add up a missing General, a bunch of soldiers, lots of money and a scientist, it all means big fucking trouble, if ya ask me."

"No doubt you are correct," Tseng replied, head beginning to ache at the thought. "Reno, I need you and Rude to go and search the archive and see what you can discover that might be relevant. The Turk archives, that is."

"Veld's personal ones in Costa, ya mean?" Reno asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yes, those. This is not a holiday, Reno, so stay off the beach and no drinking. I need more information as soon as possible," Tseng ordered.

"Yeah, yeah. Party pooper," Reno groused, but it was half hearted at best. "We should make it there by tomorrow afternoon if we head straight out. We'll call as soon as we have something."

"Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

The line disconnected and Tseng found himself staring at the display on his phone, trying to fight off the sick feeling in his stomach. His Turk instincts told him that he should call Sephiroth directly and pump him for information, but he couldn't force his fingers to dial the number. He hadn't spoken to Sephiroth in so long... and the last time they had exchanged words, Sephiroth had been so cold it had frozen the blood in Tseng's veins. It still hurt, more than Tseng ever thought it would, and he didn't want to hear that tone in Sephiroth's voice again.

"Anything I should be concerned with?"

The sudden voice from beside him made Tseng jump, eyes wide as they turned to find Rufus gazing up at him. The serious expression on the blond's face only lasted a moment though, soon replaced by a smirk.

"You forgot I was here, didn't you? Very unprofessional, Tseng," Rufus teased.

"Fuck you," Tseng retorted, but his words were tired rather than aggressive. He was too conflicted and weighed down by memories to get angry right now.

"You already did earlier," Rufus drawled. "Twice, if I remember correctly."

Tseng sighed again, rolling his eyes as he turned away to put his phone back on the bedside table. "Nice to see you can count while drowning in your own self satisfaction."

"Oh, come on. I know you love me like this. It just inspires you to try and undo me with pleasure... and you always have enjoyed a challenge as much as I do."

Tseng turned back to look down at the young man next to him, more handsome with his hair mused and bare of all his over priced clothing, in Tseng's opinion. Rufus looked younger like this, almost vulnerable despite the arrogant expression that remained. Only in the throws of passion did that mask break and the real Rufus shone through. Tseng had never expected to become so obsessed with seeing it, even if it was so fleeting.

Tseng knew he was falling into emotions that left him vulnerable, but he was already too far gone. He'd never truly been in love before and it was an overwhelming feeling. At least for now, his weakness worked perfectly with their plans for the young heir. Rufus needed to believe Tseng was in love with him, but what he didn't know was that Tseng would never place Rufus above his Turks, even at the price of breaking his own heart.

Reaching out a hand, Tseng traced the side of Rufus' jaw as he pondered just how long Rufus would play with him before becoming bored and discarding him. The original plan had been to make the youth fall for him, become attached enough to protect Tseng and in turn, protect the Turks. That possibility only became more unlikely, the more Tseng got to know the blond.

Tseng wouldn't end it though, regardless of the pain that he predicted for his future. Rufus was there only hope for some kind of security, and he had to cling to it with no other option available. Veld's execution was still too fresh in his mind, haunting too many of his dreams.

Rufus' smirk fell away at the gentle touches, replaced by a slightly confused, questioning expression. There were always too many questions with this one, and it reminded Tseng of a younger Reno, bringing a small smile to his face. Reno always knew which questions to steer clear of though, while Rufus just barreled on regardless, spoilt brat that he was.

"Tseng?" Rufus asked, voice soft and unsure.

Tseng didn't want to explain, so he kissed away the questions and tried to forget how doomed he already was.

***.***

Reno was oddly silent when he returned with Rude, letting the other Turk handle business as he stared out the window at the ocean below them. Tseng was concerned, having trouble concentrating on Rude's words with his eyes being constantly drawn to the silent redhead. He wouldn't ask Reno what was up in front of his partner though, knowing that if it was urgent, the redhead would have said something. Tseng would, however, approach him later in private to find out what was up.

Rufus was with Elena, continuing his training with a surprising lack of complaints about being left out of this meeting. Tseng suspected that it was because they were meeting in the blond's own office, and it was probably bugged so Rufus could go over what they talked about later. He didn't bother checking, as there wasn't anything they would discuss that he minded Rufus knowing. Sending him off to train with Elena was more about removing him and all his constant questions from the meeting, as it grated on Tseng's nerves.

Rude handed over copies of the files they had found for Tseng to look over himself, and as he perused them, both men headed for the door, picking up their overnight bags. They had dumped their luggage inside the door on arrival, as they'd reported straight to Tseng without going to their rooms first, considering the urgency of current events. It was only when Rude walked back to stand in front of the desk awkwardly, that Tseng looked up and noticed what looked like a gift bag in his hand.

"Is there something else, Rude?" he asked, curious as the silence dragged on too long.

"When we were leaving Midgar for Costa, Sephiroth approached us on the helipad," Rude explained, holding up the bag. "He asked that we give this too you." When Tseng didn't reach out to take it, staring at the emerald green paper bag as if it were about to attack him, Rude placed it on the desk. "Is there anything else you need, Sir?"

"No, that will be all," Tseng managed to say, looking up from the bag as Reno exited the room without looking back, promptly followed by Rude. As the door closed behind them, Tseng sat down, eyes falling back to the bag as he tried to breath past the lump in his throat.

Half an hour later the bag was still there, Tseng trying to ignore it as he read over the reports. As Reno entered, Tseng kept his eyes down and tried to keep his breaths even, even though his pulse quickened. He guessed the gift was what had caused Reno's earlier disturbed silence. Unfortunately, silence and Reno never lasted long together.

"You haven't even looked in it yet, have ya?" Reno asked, leaning on the edge of the desk. "Aren't ya even curious as to what's in there? Like... don't you want to look so you can work out why he'd give you something now, with all that's going on? It might be a clue or something."

"It's not related to recent events... well, not directly, at any rate," Tseng murmured, turning a page but keeping his eyes on the files in his hands.

"What's it related to then?"

Tseng sighed, frown appearing on his face. He knew there was little point in not telling Reno, as the young Turk would simply stay here and annoy him until he did.

"It's my birthday today."

"What?" Reno suddenly exclaimed, hopping off the desk to pace in front of it. "You... I mean I thought you didn't _have_ a birthday."

"I don't, in reality. Veld picked this day as my birthday when he brought me to Midgar. He believed everyone needed such a day, but I disagree. I let him have his way, but now he is gone, I simply ignore it as unnecessary."

"How does Sephiroth know about it then?" Reno demanded, hands coming to rest palm down on the desk as he leaned over it. Tseng could fell the youth's gaze burning into him, but he still refused to look up.

"When we were children, being tutored together, we exchanged gifts on our birthdays. It was like... playing normal, I suppose. A game and nothing more. Sephiroth knows it isn't my real, unknown birthday and he doubts his own is completely accurate either. They are just dates on paper, to keep the record keepers happy, after all. We stopped after school finished and never mentioned our birthdays again since."

"So why now?" Reno mused, standing back up and moving over closer to the gift bag.

"I have no idea," Tseng replied, finally putting the papers he'd been hiding behind down. "Maybe he feels nostalgic since his lover left him."

Reno snorted his disbelief as his eyes turned to meet Tseng's. "Lover isn't the appropriate word for those two. There was never any love between them. Competition, rivalry... Genesis only ever wanted to own him in the bedroom because he couldn't own him on the battlefield."

"It was more than that, Reno," Tseng disagreed, focusing on the bag to avoid the redhead's intense gaze. "I believe Genesis did love Sephiroth... and since Sephiroth gave up all his other lovers, it's logical that he loved him back."

"Logic my ass," Reno retorted, leaning back on the desk. "You know how I feel about Sephiroth. He never treated you right and didn't deserve you. As much as I hate to admit it though, he did love you... as much as someone like him could love another. From what I hear, Sephiroth gave up all those others after you left, cause with his fucked up logic, he didn't need them anymore to hide his relationship with you. Genesis was always choice number two, just like he was always number two to Sephiroth in skills."

Tseng frowned at how much sense Reno was making, feeling a sudden sympathy for Genesis, despite what the other man had done to him.

"Don't you dare go feeling sorry for him after what he did," Reno chastised, drawing Tseng's eyes to him. "Being number two ain't a bad thing, if ya not so arrogant and full of ya self. I like being _your_ number two in the Turks and I couldn't win your heart, so I moved on with no fuss. If I could handle it, than Genesis could of too."

"You never wanted to win my heart like that, Reno," Tseng replied, but the thought brought a smile to his face. "Besides, you always have it as the only person left that I consider family."

"True, but I do miss the sex something awful. Do ya think Rufus would mind..."

"Oh yes, he'd mind," Tseng interrupted, smiling wider at the cheeky grin on Reno's face. "Rude would mind too, you know."

"Rude can mind his own business until he admits how much he wants me," Reno scoffed, hand reaching out to pick up the bag. "Now, enough of trying to change the subject. Open the damn bag and let's see what the general got for ya."

Tseng exhaled, smile fading as he took the bag from Reno's hand. He placed it on his lap and peered inside, pulling out a single wrapped gift and a card, before placing the now empty bag on the floor. Looking at the present intently, Tseng frowned, trying to work out what it could be.

"Stop stalling and open it, for fuck's sake. The suspense is killing me," Reno blurted out, reaching over to poke the parcel with his finger.

With a sigh, Tseng put the card down and began unwrapping the gift. Tearing off the paper, his breath caught at what was inside and he could only stare, frozen in place.

"Cookies?" Reno suddenly blurted out, restarting Tseng's breath with the exclamation. "Why the fuck is Sephiroth giving you a bag of cookies as a gift?"

Tseng didn't answer, suddenly swamped with memories of all the lunches he had shared with Sephiroth, lying on the grass in the rooftop garden of the Shinra tower. It was so very long ago and the garden had since been ripped up and replaced by a helipad, but as Tseng stared unseeing at the bag in his hands, he was back there in his mind. He could feel the grass beneath him, hear Sephiroth's laugh and smell the other man's scent. It made his chest ache and his eyes sting so much that he closed them, but there was no escape there either. In his mind he was lying beneath the other man, being kissed so slowly and thoroughly, relaxed and content in the affection he was being gifted with.

It was the happiest he had ever been and he had never even appreciated it at the time.

The sudden touch of a hand brought him crashing back to the present with a gasp, eyes opening and blinking through a sudden haze. It took a few moments before he could focus on Reno's face, the redhead having turned his chair to the side so he could kneel before him. The hand on his cheek was warm, and as Reno's thumb moved, Tseng realized the redhead was wiping away tears he didn't know he'd shed.

"I'm sorry you're hurting," Reno whispered, eyes wide and worried. "Tell me what to do to make it better."

Tseng smiled sadly at the young man before him, finding reassurance in the earnest caring he found in those eyes.

"You make it better just by being here, Reno. You always have," Tseng replied, voice rough with too much emotion. "I'm alright... really. It's just memories of a time long ago when things were... simpler. Sephiroth and I used to share our lunch every day and I always brought these, as Hojo never let him have anything that wasn't strictly healthy. We used to lie on the grass and talk about anything and everything... wrestle, although I never won unless I cheated." Tseng chuckled a little, Reno giving him a small smile but remaining quiet. "He just kissed me one day but it never changed anything. We still shared our lunches and talked and watched the sky. The kissing was just an addition that happened randomly but never progressed to anything more." At Reno's raised eyebrow, Tseng added, "It did eventually, but that was later, after I left to become a Turk and he, a Soldier. Back then though, it was all so... innocent and comforting."

"I think I understand now... The two of ya fit with each other when nobody else did," Reno murmured softly.

"Yes. He was my first friend, and I his," Tseng confirmed, gaze back on the gift as his heart ached with all that they'd lost. "I wish we could of just..." Tseng voice faded away, too many wishes to name coming to mind.

"Stayed friends?" Reno supplied.

Tseng could only nod, deciding that pretty much described all of his regrets with Sephiroth as simply as possible.

"Maybe this is his way of reaching out? Maybe he wants ta just be friends again?"

"Maybe," Tseng agreed, managing another small smile for Reno. "I will... think it over."

"Well, whatever ya decide, I'm here for you, okay? Just don't let yourself get hurt again," Reno murmured, taking one of Tseng's hands and giving it a squeeze. "Your happiness comes first this time, not his... okay?"

"Yes, Reno. I'll be careful."

With a nod, the young redhead stood and released Tseng's hand. He seemed a little uncomfortable all of a sudden, and Tseng could only grin at how endearing it was.

"Okay, well enough of this gooey heart to heart crap. I have stuff ta do. Call me if ya need anything else, boss."

As Reno headed for the door, Tseng realized that the young man before him was a true friend, one that he should appreciate more. Unlike his time with Sephiroth, Tseng wanted to make sure there were never any regrets between them.

"Reno, thank you... for everything," he called after the redhead, smiling as Reno paused half way out the door and glanced back at him.

"My pleasure... as always," the youth replied, winking before disappearing and closing the door behind him. Tseng chuckled at his cheekiness, secure in the knowledge that at least when it came to Reno, his affection was returned equally.

***.***

After dinner that night, Tseng excused himself and retired to his own room alone. Rufus didn't suggest they spend any time together, probably too keen to go watch the recordings the hidden camera in his office had captured during the day.

Tseng realized too late that his conversation with Reno would be part of it, but after some initial worry, he let his concerns go. It was a private moment, one Tseng would rather have not shared with the blond, but at least one part of it would be helpful for Rufus to 'overhear', as it were. Tseng had made it clear to Reno that he was staying faithful to Rufus, and as Tseng closeness to Reno had been a source of jealousy for Rufus, it would help to reassure the blond at least.

Undressing, Tseng slipped into bed, aiming on getting an early night, when Sephiroth's unopened card caught his attention, sitting propped up on his bedside table. With a sigh of resignation, he sat up in bed and reached for it, fingers running over his own name written on the front in Sephiroth's distinctive script.

Opening the envelope, he pulled out the card and smiled at the picture on the front. It was a scene of two boys lying in a grassy field staring at the sky, and the feelings of nostalgia from earlier in the day washed over him once more. He took a moment to breath deeply, reigning in his emotions before opening the card to see what was written within.

_Tseng,_

_I hope you will take the time to read this, and not simply destroy it when you find out it is from me. I know you are still angry with me, and maybe now I understand... at least in part, why my actions angered you so. _

_This is most probably too little, too late, but I am sorry for the pain I caused you. As you know, I have never been very skilled in social situations, or understanding others. Then again, until I met you, I never had an interest in what others felt or desired. You called me selfish and arrogant, and perhaps you were correct._

_Regardless, I wanted to gift you on your birthday, to ask your forgiveness, and perhaps remind you of happier times we spent together. I have never stopped loving you... or wishing you were back in my arms._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Sephiroth_

Tseng read the message over a few times, trying to take in every word. He'd thought he'd been forgotten long ago... unimportant, just another lover in a much larger group, but this? This spoke of him being more, of being special. Sephiroth was the only person who had ever told him he was loved like this.

He had yearned for so long to be a part of a loving relationship, but not one with Sephiroth... not in the way Sephiroth wanted. It made yearning and guilt twist and pool in his stomach, as his mind kept slipping to how much he wanted to be loved by Rufus, and how wrong it was to think that when Sephiroth was reaching out to him like this.

It might not seem like much of an effort, compared to what an average person would do, but for Sephiroth, this was a huge step.

Tseng knew it was probably a bi-product of Genesis' desertion, but he still found himself reaching for his phone, dialing Sephiroth's number to offer... something. He didn't know what, but he couldn't just put the card down and never reach out and take the proverbial olive brand offered him.

The phone rang for some time, and Tseng almost hung up when he suddenly remembered the time difference. It would be around 2am in Midgar right now. The call was answered before he got the chance though, but not by Sephiroth.

"Whoever this is, it better be an emergency," a male voice said sleepily.

Tseng's heart clenched... but then doubt snuck into his mind. Maybe Sephiroth's phone number had changed, or he'd left the device somewhere by mistake? And did he have the right to object anyway? After all, he wanted to be the man's friend, not lover... didn't he?

"I am sorry to disturb you at such an hour," Tseng managed, voice flat despite his churning emotions. "I am trying to contact general Sephiroth."

"Oh... fuck, I picked up the wrong phone. Hang on a minute," the voice replied. Tseng waited, relief rushing over him as it sounded like maybe this was just a case of Sephiroth's phone falling into the wrong hands by mistake.

It was short lived though.

"Sephiroth, wake up. This call's for you. Sounds important," the unidentified male murmured in the distance. "Oh, come on, big bad general. Surely I didn't wear you out that much." The chuckle that followed those words was quickly ended by the sound of a slap and a yelp.

"Behave or I'll make you sleep on the floor, puppy. Now pass me my phone," Sephiroth's voice said in the distance, tone clearly amused.

"I was about to, you asshole. You didn't have to smack my butt."

_I'm such a fool_, Tseng thought to himself, trying to swallow down the jealousy he shouldn't be feeling. His free hand curled into a fist as he tried to focus on what he wanted to say. All because Sephiroth had apologized and said he loved Tseng, it didn't mean the man would be alone, waiting for him to call. It was better this way, as it eased his own guilt in being unable to return the feelings to the same extent... and if he could just convince himself of that, this would be easy.

"General Sephiroth speaking," the general's voice suddenly said over the line, louder now that he was talking directly into the phone.

"Hello, Sephiroth," Tseng replied. Silence answered him, and Tseng suddenly found himself filling it on reflex. "I apologize for calling this late, but I just received your gift. I wanted to... well, thank you and make sure you were alright, considering... considering recent events."

"I am... fine," Sephiroth said, voice tinged with a strange emotion Tseng couldn't name. "Did you like the gift?"

"Yes. It was very thoughtful of you to give me something so personal. It brought back many fond memories. Thank you for thinking of me," Tseng murmured, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and biting down to try and stop himself from rambling. Tseng heard what sounded like footsteps through the line and when Sephiroth spoke again, there was a slight echo. Tseng guessed he had moved into the bathroom for privacy from his bedmate.

"Not a day goes by when I do not think of you," Sephiroth said softly.

"I am glad you still mange to find ways to distract yourself during the night from those thoughts," Tseng retorted automatically before flinching at his slip. "I mean... I am sorry. That was uncalled for. What you do with you nights is not my concern."

"It could be. I gave up all of those others... I want you to know that. Right now there is only one I share my bed with, and we are just friends, finding relief with a familiar face," Sephiroth explained. "Tseng... when will you be coming home?"

"Home?" Tseng repeated, his free hand fisting as he swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat.

"You and I, when we are together it feels like I am home... and we could make a home together... couldn't we? Nobody has ever understood me as you do and I know I could make you happy if you'd only give me another chance. You are the only one I've ever wanted... ever loved. Tseng, we are different from everyone else and we belong together. Away from Shinra and Midgar, somewhere far away from all of it."

A home was something Tseng had never truly had.

While he knew he didn't love Sephiroth romantically, he started examining the possibility that maybe with time, he could learn to. The sex had always been mind-blowing and Tseng did care deeply for Sephiroth. His imagination ran wild with the suggestion for a moment, visions of a better life, of being loved so completely and passionately, flittering through his thoughts... until reality crept back in and swept them all away. Shinra would never let either of them go. To attempt it would be suicide.

"Seph... I d-don't... I mean...," Tseng stuttered, trying to align the words spinning around inside of him.

"Don't answer me now," Sephiroth interrupted. "Just think on it... on what we could have together. Remember those times in the garden and how it was, before Shinra took over our lives and ruined it all. We could be like that again, I know it. Promise me you will... please?"

Closing his eyes, Tseng took the cowards way out.

"I promise, I will. I don't know how long our mission here will last... but we will talk about this when I return to Midgar," Tseng murmured, guilt turning his insides painfully.

"Thank you," Sephiroth responded, and Tseng could hear the happiness clearly in his words. It made him hate himself, just a little bit more. "I suggest you 'sow your wild oats' while in Junon, because when you come back, I_ will _convince you to be mine."

"Sow my wild oats?" Tseng questioned, distracted from his guilt for a moment. "What in gods name does that mean?"

"It means to sleep around with a variety of partners," Sephiroth explained, chuckling softly. "I overheard some of the new recruits speaking of it. Apparently, it is something one does before settling down with their life partner."

Tseng was sorry he'd asked.

"I don't think that will be necessary," Tseng responded, images of Rufus appearing in his mind and increasing his guilt ten fold.

"I have to admit, I am glad to hear that," Sephiroth replied, sighing down the line. "I have missed this... us talking. Nobody else ever wants to just _talk _to me."

"I will always want that." It was the first truly honest statement Tseng had made this whole call, and probably the most ironic. After all, that had always been exactly what Tseng had always wanted from the general.

The silence dragged on for a time while they simply listened to each other breathing.

"Hmmm... I suppose, I should go considering how late it is," Sephiroth finally conceded. "I have a mission in a few days time, to the reactor in Nibelheim, but when I return would it be alright if I called you?" Sephiroth asked.

"I'd like that," Tseng responded, smiling sadly.

They said their goodbyes, and Tseng lay down with a sigh, picking up the card once more to gaze at the picture of the boys in the field. Maybe, somehow, he could fix this and find a way to just be friends with Sephiroth. It would be difficult, and something best done in person, but the possibility was there, he was sure.

Tseng allowed himself the indulgence of hope.

***.***


	15. O : Orientate

15

* * *

><p><strong>Characters<strong> - Tseng, Rufus, Reno

**Warnings** - swearing, sex

**Timeline** - During Rufus' exile to Junon

**Summary** - Tseng finally makes headway with Rufus.

* * *

><p><em>Orientate - A person's awareness of self with regard to position, time, place andor personal relationships._

* * *

><p>Tseng managed to procure use of the army's firing range once a week under the guise of Turk training needs, and while it was little more than a large cement bunker deep under the rest of the military complex of Junon, it was fitted out with all the appropriate gear that he would need to carry out his own lessons with Rufus.<p>

They kept the blond's' training a secret, as Tseng thought it best that the rest of the world didn't know just what skills Rufus possessed. Anyone who attempted to attack or kidnap the Vice President was then sure to underestimate his abilities based on how useless the rest of the executives of Shinra were with such things. The President not knowing was another must, because if the man didn't know, he couldn't object and order them to stop. Rufus agreed wholeheartedly with this point, at least.

Tseng always arrived first, clearing out any stragglers and making sure the area was secure. He set up the equipment they would need and then was left waiting for Rufus to arrive, with nothing but his thoughts for company. Unfortunately, his thoughts of late centered around one particular incident that he'd rather not contemplate any further.

That one kiss Rufus had surprised him with seemed to sink to every thought, like honey spilled over bread, soaking in and tainting every moment with sweetness. He'd already spent far too many nights lying awake, trying to quash the sticky memory of the youth's taste.

In an attempt to distract himself, Tseng let his attention be drawn to a photo on the wall of the seaside town of Junon before Shinra had decided to move in. It had been a peaceful place... simple but all the more beautiful for it.

The original town of Junon was still there today, but remained little more than a crumbling collection of houses wilting under the weight of the cement and steel that now towered over it. It reminded Tseng of Midgar in many ways, Shinra's growth blocking out the natural light and taking all hope with it. He didn't believe it was a good thing, not even on the days when he_ could _talk himself into believing the company was on the right road into the future, but saving the world was not his purpose. Saving what remained of the Turks would be difficult enough.

When the door finally opened, it was Reno's grin that greeted Tseng first, the redhead's warmth melting the melancholy mood from the Head Turk in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the warmth was short lived as Tseng's eyes diverted to the blond that strode in past Reno, self satisfied smirk wide as his eyes danced under a too long fringe.

Tseng's mood sunk with every step closer Rufus took, and as much as he would like to fool himself, he didn't honestly believe that Shinra would change all that much under Rufus' leadership. The boy could act the part of his father's protégé a little too well and his lust for power was obvious, as was his apparent lack of plans for anything more than taking control of the company. What he'd do with it once it was his was anyone's guess.

"Do you have to look so dour, Tseng? You could at least pretend that spending the next few hours with me doesn't worry you so," Rufus murmured as he stopped before the older man, smirk twisting into a mocking pout. "I promise to keep my hands to myself today, if it is any consolation."

"That will be all, Reno," Tseng announced over Rufus' head, ignoring the provocation in favor of sending a small smile in his coworker's direction. Reno smiled back, adding a wink before he left to take up position in the hall outside.

"Maybe getting you to answer me requires the removal of a certain redhead," Rufus suddenly hissed, pulling Tseng's full attention down to a now glaring Vice President.

"Threatening my Turks will get you nowhere, Sir," Tseng replied, managing to fake an offhand tone, even if the threat cut into his chest as surely as a blade. "And it is unbecoming of one in your position to show jealousy so carelessly. I was under the impression that your lessons in hiding your emotions were going better than this."

Rufus looked off to one side, blue eyes glaring down the length of the firing range for a moment as he wrestled his temper under control. Tseng watched the way his jaw flexed, captivated by every twitch of muscle and the slight flush of color on the pale youth's skin. The transformation from petulant child into self assured Vice President was fascinating to observe. By the time Rufus turned back to face him, his handsome face was a template of confidence and self assured control.

"I can assure you," Rufus began, voice cool and even. "That slum dog has nothing that I could possibly be jealous of. He is nothing more than a Shinra possession... much like yourself, Tseng." The youth took a step closer, eyes challengingly locked onto Tseng's. "You would both do well to remember that."

Tseng raised an eyebrow at the display, but otherwise did not react. Their eyes stayed locked for a time, and it was Rufus who finally looked away, a chuckle bubbling up from his chest as his whole demeanor relaxed, one perfectly manicured hand rising to run through blond locks.

"Was that a satisfactory display of what I have learned, oh expressionless one?" he drawled out, smirk twice as wicked now he'd gotten a chance to point out Tseng's lack of power, even if in jest.

"You are supposed to be learning to control your emotions... not how to act like an ass," Tseng murmured, turning to walk over to the lane he had selected earlier. The blond's laughter followed his steps, tingling up his spine like ghostly fingers.

"Oh, but you know as well as I do that acting like an ass is the Shinra way," Rufus retorted, the shuffling sound of cloth indicating the youth was removing some of his multi layered clothing in preparation for his lesson. "I have to be able to do it convincingly to satisfy my father, after all. Don't you think he'll be proud to see it?"

"No doubt, he will be thrilled," Tseng replied flatly, eyes flicking over to watch Rufus as the youth folded his top two layers of jackets over the back of a chair. The multiple layers of clothing had increased lately, with a black, bullet proof vest added the most recently.

The vest was a one of a kind garment, ridiculously expensive and custom made for the young heir on a special order that Tseng had arranged himself. It was made of a light material that would not weight down the slight youth or impair his movement, but it would stop any bullet aimed at his torso from entering his body. The impact of such a projectile would still bruise at the least, maybe break a rib at worst, but the skin would remain unbroken, cutting down the risk of fatality.

The other layers were more for giving the youth a bulkier appearance, although the long outer jacket was specifically designed to hide the blond's shotgun, an unwise choice of weapon in Tseng's opinion. Rufus had been adamant about keeping it though, and Tseng had soon given up trying to point out the long list of more easily concealable weapons.

It was, after all, a weapon Rufus was skilled in using. Tseng had been surprised to find that the youth not only looked after the weapon himself and kept it in perfect condition, but that he could also use it one handed with deadly accuracy. Apparently, Rufus' spare time hadn't all been wasted on frivolous pursuits in the years before they'd met, as Tseng had previously assumed.

Today was not about Rufus' shotgun though. Tseng insisted Rufus be proficient in a variety of firearms, and today was a continuation of his training with hand guns. He wanted the youth to carry one as backup, and Rufus had agreed once he was sure his beloved first choice would not be taken away.

"How have your lessons with Reno been progressing?" Tseng asked as the blond approached, trying to control the urge to let his eyes wander down the handsome form of the youth. He managed to lock them onto Rufus' face just in time to catch the twitch of annoyance his question sparked.

"Well enough. He is unprofessional and knows little of the proper terms associated with the technical equipment. I have to question your choice of subjects for him to instruct me on," Rufus replied, eyes looking over the handgun on the table before Tseng.

"While his formal education may be lacking, you will find no other who knows more about the subject than Reno. His talents in hacking and lock breaking alone are unsurpassed and you will learn much from him if you allow him to teach you without constantly criticizing him over small details that do not matter," Tseng began, watching the frown that his words brought to the youth's face. Tseng hoped that his words would sink through Rufus' dislike of Reno and take hold. "Rufus, while your formal education already taught you everything official that you need to know about computers and the technology Shinra uses, there are many unofficial things you do not know. Isn't it wise to swallow your hatred and learn what you can from him?"

Rufus exhaled, a hand coming up to fiddle with the bottom edge of his bullet proof vest in an unconscious gesture that he made when nervous. Tseng found it endearing as it gave him a glimpse of the innocent child Rufus had once been.

"It's not that I _hate_ him... as such," the blond mumbled uncomfortably. "He just gets on my nerves with his constant lack of respect and proper manners. Have you ever watched him eat, for goodness sake? It's like he hasn't had a meal in weeks."

Tseng chuckled at the pout that formed on Rufus' lips. Reno's table manners, or lack of them, was a constant point of contention with the other Turks as well.

"Elena already insisted on working with Reno on his table manners, and considering it's a skill he needs to have for undercover work, he will improve in time," Tseng explained, picking up the gun and checking it over as he spoke. "As for showing respect, that is a simple matter. Reno will show you respect when you earn it. I can order him to fake it, if you'd prefer."

"I'd prefer it to be honest respect," Rufus admitted after a small pause, taking the handgun from Tseng's hands and doing his own checks, as Tseng had previously shown him to. "But I have no idea how to achieve that with him. He is... very different from the people I am used to associating with."

"Which is exactly why it is such a valuable lesson for you to learn," Tseng continued, watching as the blond loaded the weapon and placed it back on the table, all checks followed through perfectly. "Your upbringing has isolated you, and he is a safe way for you to broaden your horizons and gain an understanding of the people living under the plate. They do make up two thirds of your city, after all."

"True," Rufus conceded, finally meeting Tseng's eyes. "May I ask how you developed such a rapport with him? You did, after all, grow up above the plate I believe."

Tseng smiled, unable to hide the expression or mute it, when he thought back over his time with Reno. He gazed off down the lane at the target in the distance, missing how intently Rufus studied his expression as he spoke.

"I first met him on a mission, working in a club as a waiter under the plate. He was disrespectful, rude, confrontational and fascinating. I never thought I'd meet him again and then one day I came across a body in the street which had been bagged and beaten. It turned out to be him and like a lost kitten, I took him home and he grew on me. I saw his potential as a Turk, trained him, and he's been an irreplaceable asset to our organization ever since." Tseng turned back to Rufus, shaking off memories to focus on the present once more. "He's completely loyal, respectful and professional in his actions, if not in his attire. You only have to put aside your own bias of those who live under the plate and you too can inspire these things from him... from all the Turks, if you wish it. True loyalty and respect are earned, not bought with money or coerced through fear and threats."

"A lesson my father never learned, hmm?" Rufus replied, expression serious.

Tseng didn't verbalize an answer but he didn't need to. Both men knew where the Turks truly stood when it came to the current President of Shinra.

"Alright, I will take your advice under consideration," Rufus conceded, reaching for the safety equipment hanging on the wall and quickly putting on the glasses and ear muffs. Tseng did the same and took a step back to give the youth more room, letting the previous conversation lie for now. He was inwardly thrilled though, having previously been lost on how to develop a closer relationship between Reno and Rufus. It was yet another essential piece of his plan, slipping into place, and it took some of the weight off his shoulders that had been feeling so heavy of late.

Watching as Rufus took position, Tseng let the youth go through a round while memories of the one kiss he'd shared with the blond came back to haunt him once more. His plan was still to ensure more of such actions, but so far Rufus had made no move to touch him again, and the lack of progress frustrated Tseng.

Tseng's previous relationship with Sephiroth had never required him to initiate anything, and even the moments with Reno were fluid, just happening without any planning or need to garner attention on his part. While Reno assured him that Rufus was interested and would make a move soon enough, Tseng's confidence was slipping fast.

_Why would Rufus want someone so much older anyway? Surely he was just playing with me that day, as there are many far more attractive options open to him..._ _maybe even Reno. _

The thought of Rufus playing with Reno's heart brought a frown to his face and an ache to his stomach, the possibility one that he hadn't considered before. Tseng hated the idea instantly, his negative reaction to the possibility shocking him in its intensity. While Tseng was willing to put himself on the line for his family, was not prepared to allow Reno to do the same.

All the earlier questions Rufus had asked about Reno came to mind, increasing Tseng's worry tenfold as he tried to control his sudden panic, trying to swallow it down as his previous battle with his patience was instantly lost.

There was no time to wait. He had to somehow make the youth want him and him alone, as soon as possible.

Once Rufus changed the target, reloaded the handgun and took aim again, Tseng took the opportunity to step forward and place a hand on the youth's back. Pausing, Rufus glanced over his shoulder at Tseng who managed a small smile before he stepped closer, molding his body to the youth's back.

"Your stance is slightly off," Tseng whispered, close enough now that his breath tickled the blond's ear, making the youth shudder a little. Tseng's smile increased, confidence bolstered by the instant reaction. "Let me guide you."

Sliding one hand along Rufus' arm, he adjusted the height of the gun slightly, leaving his fingers lightly curled around the youth's wrist as his other hand dropped to rest on the blond's hip. "Your body should be turned a little more... like this." Tseng's hand guided the youth's pelvis back towards himself until Rufus' backside was pressed tightly against him. "Yes, that's it," he added in a whisper, feeling the tremble the closer contact caused. "Now show me what you can do, Rufus."

The next round of shots were fired off at an even pace, Rufus not hurrying and seeming to keep his aim true despite Tseng's distracting presence. When the last shot was fired from the clip, Tseng released the youth's wrist so the blond could put the gun down on the table and hit the button for the target to be retrieved.

As it came towards them, Tseng was surprised to find that the bullet holes showed an improvement from the last, his attempted distraction a failure. Stepping back, he removed his hand from Rufus' hip and tried to pretend that his actions were nothing but professional, even if his pulse was racing.

_Maybe it's already too late... maybe Rufus' interest has already shifted to Reno._

"Looks like your adjustments helped, Tseng," Rufus murmured, eyes on the paper target before they flicked over to the older man. "Thank you for the personal touch. Can you do that again for the next clip too?"

"Of course," Tseng replied, trying to still his racing thoughts. If Rufus wanted Reno now, there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Reno would cooperate and would let the blond use him to protect them all. He would be hurt and Tseng would be powerless to prevent it, all because Tseng had failed to keep the blond's interest on himself.

"Tseng, I'm ready," Rufus' voice called, pulling the Turk out of his thoughts. Tseng stepped forward, putting both hands back to their previous position on the blond's body.

"Your shoulders are too tense. You need to relax," Tseng instructed flatly, all attempts at seduction abandoned as he wrestled with his fears and ended up simply focusing on the lesson at hand. "Your aim is to learn the stance until it is second nature, letting your body fall into the position without thought. Over think it and you become too tense, throwing off your aim."

"Like sex, I imagine."

"What?" Tseng blurted out, jolted from his focus by the sudden change of topic.

"It's like sex... and seduction," Rufus repeated, hips pushing back into Tseng a little as he continued. "If you over think the physical actions, trying to get every move perfect, you end up too tense to complete the act properly. But if you just let go, flow with the feelings and trust your prior knowledge, you get a better end result."

Luckily, the youth began firing off the round immediately after he finished speaking, as Tseng was too shocked to do anything but try to keep his breaths even after that.

_Seduction... was I that obvious?_

Tseng was so busy going over Rufus' little speech in his head, trying to decide if it was directed at him or simply coincidental, that he failed to notice when Rufus finished firing and put the gun down, only returning his attention to what was happening around him when the youth turned in his arms. Rufus reached up to take off Tseng's safety glasses and ear muffs, his own already on the table.

Tseng took a step back when the blond turned to put the items down, but found himself face to face with Rufus as the boy turned back and boldly stepped forward, hands gripping onto Tseng's hips and holding him in place.

"You've never had lessons in seduction, have you Tseng?" Rufus asked, looking up at him with a completely serious expression that only confused the Turk more.

"N-no," Tseng replied, breathing in deep to try and ensure his initial stutter was not repeated.

"Then maybe there is something I can teach you in return, hmm?" Rufus asked, turning them to the side and pushing the older man up against the wall. Tseng was so surprised by the move he failed to resist in any way, staring at the youth as his brain tried to catch up. As Rufus pressed up against him, he suddenly realized he was hard, something that Rufus discovered at around the same time, if the smug expression that bloomed on his face was any indication.

"You certainly could do with a lesson or two in seduction. First rule is never try to seduce somebody that you want too much. Your body will always betray you and leave you open to them turning the tables on you... taking your control and bending it to their own will." The blond pushed his hips against Tseng's, making the older Turk gasp at the sudden pressure against his arousal.

"I wasn't trying to seduce you," Tseng shot back, frowning as he attempted to wrestle back control over his traitorous body.

"Then what were you trying to do with the rubbing up against my ass and whispering in my ear, Tseng? You've never done that before in showing me proper positioning," Rufus purred, smiling as his hands pulled the sides of Tseng's shirt free from his pants and snuck up under the material to run gently up the sides of his torso. "Or were you talking about a different kind of positioning all together?"

Tseng wasn't sure exactly what happened next. One minute he was looking down at Rufus' face, turned up towards him with an irresistibly smug expression, and the next he was kissing the youth fiercely, hands fisting in blond hair that was so soft. Rufus whimpered into his mouth, fingers lightly scratching Tseng's chest as they moved to pinch his nipples, causing Tseng's grip in Rufus' hair to tighter further. When a fingernail scratched too deep, Tseng pushed forward, only to swing around, swapping their places as he slammed the younger man up against the wall.

"You are infuriating!" Tseng growled, his lips moving to bite the youth's neck before his tongue lathed the over the mark.

Rufus writhed between Tseng and the wall, completely shameless in his obvious arousal.

"The way you speak down to me and smirk as if I am nothing before you... I should bend you over the nearest surface and fuck some respect into you," Tseng hissed.

"Oh Goddess, yes!" Rufus exclaimed. "Finally the Turk gets a clue! It's about time you... nngh!" Rufus' words cut off mid sentence when Tseng jammed his thigh between the blond's legs, pushing against the youth's arousal hard, to shut him up.

"Does your mouth need to be full to cease annoying me?" Tseng whispered against Rufus' lips, eyes burning with annoyance as he stared into blue blown wide with desire. "Don't think I won't make you... I don't care who you are or what blood flows in your veins."

Tseng was stunned when the youth suddenly dropped to his knees, hands quickly undoing the front of Tseng's trousers. He could only stare, bewildered by the sudden compliance, as Rufus pulled out his cock and stroked it gently. Tseng had been angry, but he had honestly had no true intension of going through with his threat, only wanting to scare the youth into silence.

"Rufus, you don't have to... oh fuck!" Tseng exclaimed, interrupted in offering the blond a way out by the hot mouth that swallowed him down. He was left gasping, trying desperately to keep himself standing as his knees went weak, the wall before him offering some support as he gazed between his outstretched arms at the youth kneeling between him and the wall.

Tseng had one vague thought that Rufus had obviously been lying before when he'd said he was inexperienced with sex, before his mind was lost to pure need. The little part of him that was still conscious was completely focused on staying upright, as Rufus sucked him like a professional, bringing his orgasm too close, too fast. There was no way he could stop it, and before he could even work up some kind of verbal warning, he was thrusting deep into that eager mouth and releasing weeks of pent up frustration.

Once he recovered enough presence to move his hips back, the blond only moved with him, still sucking as Tseng hissed at the feeling of too much sensation on over-sensitized skin, his cock twitching as it tried to respond too soon.

"Enough," he insisted hoarsely, throat dry and rough. He must have voiced his enjoyment rather enthusiastically, he figured from the state of his throat, although he had no memory of making a sound.

Rufus finally complied, releasing his cock slowly as he gazed up at Tseng. Taking a step back, the head Turk stumbled a little as his pants caught around his ankles, but the opposite wall of the lane caught his back. He leaned against it, staring down at the youth who seemed to be waiting patiently, despite his panting breath and obvious arousal. Tseng had never seen Rufus so submissive and subdued before and it made him frown for a moment until he realized why it felt so wrong.

It reminded him of himself, the way he always was when under Sephiroth's spell. The thought was sobering as taking somebody else's power away, as the general had always done to him, felt oddly satisfying... and very arousing, if he was completely honest. Guilt stirred in his stomach, but he pushed it down, thinking of his Turks and what the purpose of all this was. Having some kind of power over Rufus was necessary, and the only power he could lord over the blond heir that would ensure his Turks survival was sexual. Rufus was young enough to mold, at least a little, and he only needed to twist the boy enough to make sure the Turks were safe in his hands.

Considering how Rufus felt towards his father, it shouldn't be _that_ hard to entrap him emotionally. Start with lust and work on it becoming more...

Mind made up, Tseng toed off his shoes and stepped out of his pants, eyes finally leaving the blond's. He approached the counter in the lane, hanging the remaining safety gear that was lying around back on the wall and taking the empty clip out of the hand gun before walking over to put both it and the weapon away in the nearby locker that the Turks stored their practice gear in. Rufus' eyes followed his every move and while he felt a little silly, walking around in nothing but his socks, shirt, tie and jacket, Tseng managed to act as if fully dressed.

That done, Tseng walked back over to the lane and looked down at the youth, still sitting in place and peering up at him. He forced himself to smile, even if it wasn't earnest, and reached out a hand.

"Time to get your wish, Rufus," Tseng murmured, gripping the hand that took his and pulling the youth to his feet. He couldn't help but reach out and run a gentle touch over the blond's jaw, as the vulnerability in those eyes pulled at his heart. Rufus relaxed under the touch, eyes half closing as he tried to shift closer to Tseng.

"Hands on the table, with you eyes down the lane."

"What?" Rufus asked, eyes opening fully at the request and a confused frown falling over his face.

"Hands on the table... I want to see you bent over it, Rufus," Tseng instructed, managing not to show the way his heart picked up sped at the fear in the youth's eyes. "If you don't, our lesson is over and we will go back to the apartment and never speak of this again. The choice is yours."

Rufus seemed to think it over for a minute, frown deepening as he glanced at the table and back to Tseng. Somehow the Turk managed to keep his expression flat, showing nothing of the turmoil raging within him. Eventually, the blond made a frustrated growl of compliance and turned away, bending over the table and placing both hand flat on its surface. Tseng enjoyed the view while he took a moment to breath in deep, pulling his strength around himself like a coat of steel resolve.

When he saw the youth begin to slightly tremble in place, Tseng stepped forward and ran a hand slowly over Rufus' ass, feeling the smooth fabric under his fingers. Under the material, the youth felt toned, proof of the physical training Elena had been putting him through daily. Tseng licked his lips, thankful that he wouldn't be facing having to dominate a weak, childlike body. Small mercies were all Turks ever had to be thankful for.

Then again, he couldn't honestly say he didn't want this, or wouldn't enjoy it. Rufus was beautiful, and the two times the youth had kissed him, Tseng had melted under the effect of his lips. That was part of the reason he'd positioned the youth like this, facing away from him. Somehow, Tseng had to keep his cool and hold control over the rest of this encounter.

"Tseng?" Rufus questioned, eyes still facing forward, but definite concern in his voice. Tseng smiled a true smile at the lack of an arrogant edge, realizing he quite liked Rufus' voice when it was like this... deep and smooth, but with a touch of innocent concern.

"You have a very beautiful body under all of these layers, don't you, Rufus? I want to see more of it." Tseng stepped closer, both hands wrapping around the youth's waist to undo his belt and pants, before beginning to work them down.

"B-but I don't... I mean I've never...," Rufus stumbled over his words as one hand lifted off the table to grasp onto the waist of his pants and hold them in place.

"Rufus," Tseng purred, leaning forward over the blond's body and stopping with his lips next to the youth's ear. "You chose to stay, and now I am going to make you feel so good that you will always remember the feel of me inside of you. I will not harm you... but I will claim you completely and leave you thanking me for it. You said you wanted me. Well, here I am. Are you going to be a child and run away, or be a man and take me... all of me?"

His own words made him want to flinch, but Tseng managed not to show it. Arrogance and dominance were never traits he felt comfortable with when it came to sex or emotions, but the way Rufus completely relaxed proved that he had guessed correctly. Rufus wanted to be dominated and Tseng would give him exactly what he wanted. Luckily, Tseng had spent enough time with Sephiroth to know exactly what to do.

The youth's hand slowly let go of his pants and returned to the table, and Tseng saw Rufus' chest rise and fall as he breathed in deep, calming himself. The Head Turk pulled the blond's pants and underwear over his hips, working them down to Rufus' ankles before pausing to take off the Vice President's shoes. That done, he lifted Rufus' feet one by one, completely ridding him of the garments. Dropping them on the floor behind him, Tseng looked up at the skin he'd revealed, pale and perfect as only someone who'd grown in luxury could be.

"You have a beautiful ass, Rufus," Tseng mused, both hands running up over the backs of the blond's thighs to pause on his cheeks. "So very soft and inviting." Tseng spread those soft cheeks and blew a line of air along the youth's cleft, grinning at the noise Rufus made from the strange sensation. "Has anyone ever touched you here before?"

"N-no," Rufus whispered in response, Tseng only just able to hear his reply.

Tseng had to admit, even if only to himself, that it excited him to be the first. Leaning forward, he licked a line from the youth's balls, over his entrance and up to his tailbone. Rufus gasped, legs shifting apart further at the touch and opening himself up further to Tseng's exploration.

"Please... more," Rufus whimpered, the sound making a true smile bloom on Tseng's face.

"As you wish, Vice President," Tseng replied before his tongue returned to tickle the back of the youth's balls, flicking over them and making the blond lift his hips to try and get more. Rufus ended up in an uncomfortable position, his ass as high up as he could lift it, legs straining as he held himself aloft on his toes. Tseng decided to reward him for the effort, sucking first one and then the other testicle into his mouth and rolling it around gently, his tongue playing with the soft, sensitive skin.

Rufus was making various noises now, from mewls to soft gasps, and each one made Tseng's cock twitch with interest as it slowly began to harden again. When he finally moved his mouth away from the blond's testicles, Rufus whined softly until his tongue touched the youth's cleft again, flicking and teasing up and down along the puckered skin before finally pausing over the blond's entrance. Rufus froze in place, breathing hard, and Tseng couldn't resist pushing in suddenly, letting the tip of his tongue penetrate as Rufus let out a moan that had the head Turk's cock coming to full hardness instantly.

"Oh goddess... Tseng... please, oh please don't stop!" Rufus muttered desperately, hips pushing back as Tseng lifted his hands to hold the youth's hips still. He gave Rufus what he asked for though, pushing his tongue in further, only to pull it out again and flick it over the entrance teasingly.

He continued this torture for awhile, enjoying every sound it forced from Rufus' mouth. The begging he particularly enjoyed, as he'd thought that it would take more work to get the youth this desperate... but he was pleased that it had turned out to be so easy. Reaching down between the blond's parted thighs, Tseng gave Rufus' cock a slow stroke, noticing how much it was leaking already.

"You're not thinking of coming already, are you Rufus?" he teased, voice condescending and superior in tone.

"Bastard... you came fast yourself, so you can't... hnnn... oh god... yes!" Rufus tried to complain, but Tseng silenced him with a sudden entrance of his fingers, pushing two into the youth's loosened entrance without any trouble.

"Yes indeed," Tseng mused, thrusting the two fingers in deeply, but making sure they avoided the youth's prostate... for the moment. "Such a little slut you're turning out to be. My two fingers went in so easily, your ass open and begging to be filled, just from a little licking. Really Rufus. You're so very hungry for cock, aren't you?"

"Fuck you," Rufus groaned out, words forced out but lacking in any kind of strength. The blond was rocking back on Tseng's digits, so much so that Tseng only had to keep his hand still and let the youth do all the work.

"Oh, no. I will be fucking _you _today, dear child. I wouldn't dream of denying your body what it obviously so eagerly yearns for... although, I will not allow you to come until I say so." Reaching his free hand up to his hair, Tseng pulled his hair band out and let his locks fall free. "I know it must be hard for you to hold back though, so I will assist you."

The hair band was easy enough to stretch and pull over the youth's cock, the boy not coherent enough to realize what Tseng was doing under he carefully let it go and the pressure of the band made itself known around the base of Rufus' erection.

"You fucking bastard!" Rufus spat, but he kept his hands on the table, causing Tseng to smile in satisfaction as he watched the blond's hips keep on pushing back onto his fingers. He slipped in a third to throw off the youth's train of thought and it worked, Rufus' curses turning into pleas for more. There was one more thing Tseng wanted though, before he would give Rufus what he wanted.

"Swear you will be mine," Tseng growled, determined to use this opportunity to ensure that Reno would never become a target for the blond's lust.

"What?!" Rufus gasped, his thrusts backward losing rhythm and finally pausing as he battled with the sudden confusion from Tseng's words.

"I said, swear you will be mine and mine alone," Tseng repeated, leaning in close over the youth's back. "I do not share lovers, Rufus."

"Fool... you belong to me! All the Turks... belong to me. I told you... father is giving your whole department to me when I return to Midgar," Rufus insisted breathlessly, suddenly trying to break free of his position as his temper spiked, momentarily overtaking his lust.

Tseng ended the struggling with a series of hard thrusts, his fingers changing angle to push at the blond's prostate while his mouth sucked up a purple bruise on the back of the blond's neck. Rufus whimpered weakly under his attack, one of the blond's legs rising to rest a knee on the table, spreading him wide open for Tseng's ministrations. The head Turk's own cock ached to be inside the youth, and Tseng's heart hammered in his chest as his arousal grew to painful levels with every sound the blond made.

"Tseng... Tseng, please!" the blond finally groaned out, pale skin now stained with the flush of his desire. "Whatever you want... just please let me come."

"I will belong to you in every other way... all the Turks will," Tseng hissed into Rufus' ear, giving the lobe a quick bite before continuing. "But in the bedroom, you will belong to me and me alone. Swear it, Rufus, and I'll give you what you need."

"I swear it!" Rufus exclaimed, patience long gone by this stage. "Whatever you want, just fuck me damn it!"

Tseng pulled his fingers free suddenly, Rufus' breath stolen away by the sudden disappearance. The head Turk gave him no time to recover though, lining up his cock and pushing in before the blond could even voice another complaint. Tseng went slowly, but didn't pause until he was fully seated inside the younger man, biting his own lip to control the urge to just thrust forward hard. Rufus refused to stay still, writhing on the table and trying to force him to move, but Tseng somehow managed to hold himself back, leaning heavily on the blond's slighter form.

"Oh goddess... Tseng please move. I promised you whatever you wanted," Rufus begged, causing Tseng to growl with the overload of desire the youth's words caused. He managed to start slow, only the satisfaction of ringing such sounds from Rufus keeping his control in check. Tseng had always imagined the youth would be a quiet lover, but he was proven wrong as Rufus moaned shamelessly with every thrust, hands scrambling on the table as he tried to force his body back faster onto Tseng's cock.

"Is this what you wanted, Rufus? To taken like a two gil whore... bent over the nearest surface and begging for more?" Tseng panted out, thrusting so hard now that Rufus had to grip the table to avoid being pushed over it, the blond's hand's whitening with the effort to hold on.

"Y-yes... oh goddess yes... more... fuck me more," Rufus chanted over and over, shameless in his need.

Tseng was overtaken with lust, intoxicated by the fact that he had rendered the Vice President of Shinra so incoherent. Both his hands were on the youth's hips now, fingers digging in hard as he thrust with all his strength, his own orgasm building fast. Luckily, he remembered the hair tie around Rufus' cock in time and removed it, his hand staying on Rufus' cock to stroke it fast while he used all his will to hold back his climax just a little bit longer.

"Yours... your slut," Rufus groaned out, back arching beautifully under Tseng. "My lover... my protector... mine!" The blond's orgasm shook his whole body and the sounds of his pleasure echoed off the walls of the firing range, almost a physical presence against Tseng's overheated skin. The Head Turk followed his employer over the edge almost instantly, Rufus' come still spilling over his hand as Tseng thrust in deep to fill the youth with his seed.

Minutes later found them both still in place, Tseng resting over the youth on his elbows, somehow managing to stop his body from slumping fully forward as he caught his breath. The scent of the youth under him filled his senses and he breathed it in, trying to find his equilibrium as he replayed the joining over in his mind.

_My lover... my protector... mine!_

Typical that even in the throws of passion, Rufus still managed to find his own best angle.

"Keep up this kind of behavior...," Rufus panted out, his words jolting Tseng out of his thoughts as the boy squeezed his inner muscles around the Head Turk's softening member. "... and I might have to give you a raise."

Tseng could only stare at the back of the blond's head, trying to find his confidence once more. It wasn't how he had foreseen things would occur, but if Rufus was pleased with his performance, that was all that mattered... wasn't it?

***.***


	16. P : Pyromania

16

Characters – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Rufus, Elena

Warnings – Disturbing imagery, swearing

Summary – Nibelheim burns

Timeline – During Rufus' exile to Junon

* * *

><p>Tseng could only stare at the destruction before him, stunned by its utter senselessness. Some of the houses were still burning, the sounds of them collapsing amongst the hissing crackling of the flames, the only noise to be heard.<p>

There was no screams, no moans of the injured. There was nobody left alive to voice them.

Tseng had seen death before, had seen villages hit by destruction both natural and man made. But he had never seen such a total cleansing of life like this. Even the animals of the town were dead, their charred corpses lying amongst the still smoldering human bodies that littered the streets.

He would have never believed it, if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. He was still trying to convince himself that Sephiroth was the one responsible for it all.

"Boss?"

Reno's voice was harsh in his ears, even though he was speaking so softly. Tseng didn't want to hear Reno's voice. He wanted to hear Sephiroth's. Wanted to be back on the phone with him, listening to the calm, affectionate tone that the general only ever let him hear. Feeling the hope that had blossomed that night again... instead of the total despair he was drowning in right now.

"Tseng? Please say something," Reno whispered, close enough now that Tseng could feel their arms touching, the way the redhead's hand was twitching, wanting to bridge the small distance to cling to his own. They couldn't touch though, not anymore. Just like Sephiroth, Reno was another Tseng could never hold again. It only sharpened the prickling pain into a spike.

"We have our orders," Tseng stated, voice flat and cold as he continued to stare at the carnage before him. "The cleanup crew will be here within the hour. We need to set up a command site to... to..."

Tseng voice caught in his throat, choking him as he tried to breathe past it. Reno's hands were on him in an instant, pulling him into an embrace he didn't want, couldn't let himself fall into.

"Reno stop. Let me go!" he managed to force out, face twisting in pain he couldn't afford to let himself feel. There was too much to be done, too much that he couldn't do...

"Nobody's here yet, so shut the fuck up and let me hold ya," Reno growled, arms tight around him, too strong considering their thinness. "Don't ya know I need this as much as you do?"

The last words struck home and Tseng stopped fighting, letting the redhead have his way. His own arms lifted to wrap around Reno's waist, returning the embrace and for a moment, just that one moment, Tseng breathed in and out and let himself feel it all.

Then his eyes focused on Rude, standing a few feet away and just watching. Rude's back was stiff, his hands curled into fists and his jaw tight, but he was still standing tall... still being all a Turk should be. It was enough to jolt Tseng back to reality and let him regain his focus.

"Reno, it's alright. We have to... We have to just keep moving," Tseng murmured, removing his arms from that familiar body reluctantly. When the redhead didn't release him, Tseng reached up to tug on the younger man's hair before he gently pushed him away.

When their eyes finally met, Tseng realized that the youth's distress had nothing to do with the residents of Nibelheim or the destruction before them. Reno was feeling all the pain that Tseng wouldn't let himself feel over Sephiroth... despite the fact he hated the general with a passion. Tseng traced one of the red tattoos on his protégé's face and smiled sadly. "They'll be time for the rest later. Right now, we have our orders and we must be ready when the cleanup crew arrives."

"Yeah," Reno muttered, stepping back as a trembling hand rose to adjust his goggles. He managed a grin, even if it was devoid of its usual level of cockiness. "Sorry boss. You can count on me and Rude though. We'll get the job done."

"I know," Tseng replied, watching as the redhead turned away and began the walk back to the chopper for their gear. As he passed Rude, the quiet Turk turned to follow with a simple nod to Tseng.

Turning back to face the town, Tseng took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. He still had to inform the President that Hojo was on his way back with two new specimens, one a first class soldier, the other a simple cadet. He knew from experience that neither would be available for questioning now that Hojo had them, despite the fact that they might hold the key to what had happened here.

He had managed to get a look at them both though. Hojo's team had needed the Turk's to escort them into the reactor to ensure it was safe, and Tseng had been with the first group who had found the two men, dying from injuries that were caused by a large blade. Sephiroth's blade, Tseng assumed. Tseng had recognized the first class soldier as Zackery Fair and while he'd only met the man a few times himself, he did know for a fact that Fair and Sephiroth had been friends.

It was a disturbing fact that the general had tried to kill a friend, but it would not deter Tseng from his goal of getting to Sephiroth first. He had to believe that his bond with the general was enough to ensure his own survival.

***.***

Reno and Rude were silent in the cockpit of the chopper as Tseng sat alone in the back, almost finished with the task of sorting all the files they'd retrieved from the Shinra Mansion into two boxes. They were mostly medical reports and rambling diaries from the scientists involved in the projects, and Tseng was separating out anything on the 'S' project to look over first. Veld had mentioned the project to him long ago, explaining it was about Sephiroth's enhancements, but not elaborating further. Tseng was hoping something within would give him a clue to what had set the general off, as they'd been stored in the only building in town that had been left untouched. It had to mean something considering how thorough Sephiroth had otherwise been.

The cleanup crew had steered clear of the Mansion, apparently on orders of the President, so Reno and Rude had been able to get in and take whatever they could carry without any witnesses. While they searched the old building thoroughly for clues, Tseng had continued overseeing the cleanup crew, all evidence of Sephiroth's crime vanishing in only a week.

The fact the town would be rebuilt immediately had come as a surprise to Tseng when he'd first been informed. That it would be repopulated by inhabitants that would all swear they had lived there since they were born, was extreme, even by Shinra standards. Of course, none of this was being done out of any sense of responsibility on Shinra's behalf. The President, and Hojo too no doubt, were just hopeful of somehow luring their star general back, willing to forgive and cover it all up, as long as their investment returned.

Tseng knew Sephiroth wasn't coming back on his own after that massacre though.

Personally, he didn't care how many others Sephiroth had killed or even that he'd lost his mind. Tseng had lost his own enough times to sympathize and there was no guilt left in him for any stranger's death, no matter how innocent the victims may be. He just wanted a chance to help Sephiroth, somehow make him see that he wasn't alone and there was still hope. Tseng couldn't let go to of the possibility that it was just a temporary slip, that the general's sanity could be saved. He had to try, and hoped that he could find something in the files to assist him. After all, if he failed, there was only one way Sephiroth would ever truly escape Shinra... and he didn't want him to die.

Luckily, the President had called Tseng this morning with the orders to handle the general's retrieval, so Tseng would have his chance before more drastic measures were taken.

"Sir, we're approaching Junon. ETA five minutes," Rude's voice stated calmly over the headset, pulling Tseng's thoughts back to the present. He was being dropped off back in Junon while Reno and Rude would be continuing on to Midgar. The President had already begun gathering the replacement townsfolk from various cities, and Reno and Rude would spend the next week ferrying them back to the town as it was rebuilt.

Tseng would begin collating and tracking the few reported sightings of the general that had begun to trickle in until they returned, as well as scouring the files for the reason behind Sephiroth's breakdown. He could do most of his work from Junon and it was, after all, where Rufus still was. Somehow, he had to manage to continue to protect the Vice President, while completing his latest orders, and it made him long for the days when there were more Turks to share the load. He would manage though, as this time it mattered. This time, it was personal.

***.***

Tseng had headed to the shower after locking the files away in his room, intent on trying to wash away the smell of smoke and burnt flesh that seemed to cling to him as stubbornly as Sephiroth once had. It was a reminder he didn't need of things he'd rather forget.

Besides, Tseng hated being dirty and there had been no chance to shower properly in the last week. There had been buckets of water and soap in the makeshift camp that they'd been staying in but a quick wash down just didn't get rid of the smell. It had added to Tseng's distress but luckily, he'd been so busy that he'd had no time to think on it too much.

Finally clean and skin a little pink from the thorough cleaning, Tseng had pulled on a pair of sweatpants and begun brushing out his wet hair on automatic, eyes locked on his own reflection as his mind wandered.

He almost didn't answer his phone when it rang, having to force himself to pick it up, wishing he could just turn it off or ignore it for once.

Staring at the display, his brain flat lined at seeing it was Rufus' number, confusion only adding to the weight on his strained emotions. Why would the Vice President be ringing him when they were only rooms away? Putting the device to his ear, Tseng mumbled out his own name, his greeting lacking any of its usual calm.

"Tseng, come to my room. I need to discuss some things with you," Rufus' voice ordered across the line, its familiar arrogance strangely comforting. "I know you were on your way to bed, so don't bother getting into uniform. Just come now."

"Yes, Sir," Tseng replied dully, waiting to hear the call disconnect before flipping his phone closed and putting it back on the side of the bathroom sink. He moved to comply without any thought, body and emotions so tired that he just wanted to deal with this quickly so he could finally go to his room and try to find some rest.

As he approached the Vice President's apartment, his eyes met Elena's, who was just coming out the door and she seemed to startle at his appearance. Tseng might have apologized for his attire, or lack of it, on any other occasion but not tonight. Tonight he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"S-Sir!" she finally managed. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Elena. Go get some rest. I'll see to him until he goes to sleep," Tseng informed her. Elena gave a nod and disappeared down the hall towards the Turk's rooms, face blushing pink. He'd have to remember to apologize to her tomorrow, for wandering around in such a state.

_At least none of us have to stay up all night on guard duty_ _anymore,_ Tseng mused to himself. The floor they all inhabited was now under constant guard by Soldier, ever since Genesis' desertion. It was ironic that for once, the redheaded general was making Tseng's life a little more bearable.

Walking into Rufus' apartment and closing the door behind him, Tseng headed across the darkened lounge area and down the hall towards the only light in the apartment. Rufus was in his bedroom and Tseng couldn't help but frown, hoping the younger man wasn't in the mood for sex. Tseng knew he wasn't capable of performing tonight.

He found Rufus sitting on the side of his bed, a glass in hand that was more than likely filled with his favorite whiskey. Tseng had given up trying to get Rufus to drink something more appropriate before bed long ago, as it did seem to help the youth relax... and at this moment, Tseng wouldn't mind a glass himself.

"Would you mind if I had one too?" Tseng murmured by way of greeting, stopping just inside the door and waiting for Rufus to look up. When their eyes finally met, Rufus frowned, but nodded and gestured over to a side table that held a couple more glasses and a decanter.

"Help yourself. You look as if you need it more than I do," Rufus replied, eyes intently watching as Tseng went and did just that. His first glassful was swallowed down immediately, and Tseng let the burn awaken him a little before he poured a second and turned back to the blond.

"How can I help you tonight, Sir?" Tseng asked, taking a sip of his drink as his eyes peered at Rufus over the edge of the glass. The youth looked back at him, his own drink forgotten as his eyes slowly swept up and down Tseng's form.

"You know, when I said to come straight here and not bother with your uniform, I didn't mean you couldn't retrieve a shirt. Aren't you cold?" Rufus finally said softly, patting the edge of the bed beside him. Tseng moved to sit, an eyebrow lifting as the youth touched his wet hair, frown deepening. "Or are you trying to give yourself pneumonia?"

Rufus had a point. The air-conditioning made the apartments chilly even on the hottest days of the year, but Tseng hadn't even noticed the temperature until the youth had mentioned it. It made him realize how numb he was feeling, with only a pair of sweat pants on, wet hair hanging down his back and still dripping.

"I... I didn't realize," he admitted, turning away to take another sip of his drink that ended up as more of a mouthful.

"Bad week, I assume," Rufus stated, standing up and walking away. Tseng simply stared at the drink in his hands, not wanting to talk about it... not _ever _with Rufus. When the blond returned, Tseng looked up to find the younger man was holding a hairdryer and he sighed, having no energy left to dry his hair.

"Don't even think of arguing. I want you to stay tonight but not with a head of wet hair," Rufus continued as he plugged in the device and untangled the long cord, retrieving a brush before walking back over to stand in front of Tseng and gaze down at him. "Now turn around and I'll dry it for you."

Tseng was so stunned by the offer that he turned around on automatic, sitting with his legs crossed and back to the youth who was standing beside the bed. It confused him, why Rufus was doing this for him, as he'd expected to be sent away... had hoped in a way. Rufus had never had any patience with him before, had sent him away for the most small and insignificant reasons just to demonstrate his control and dominance of their relationship.

He'd certainly never done anything like this... never looked after Tseng in any way, shape or form. Tseng was so emotionally drained that he didn't voice his confusion, closing his eyes and just enjoying the feeling of somebody gently drying his hair, letting the warmth wash over him and steal the chill away.

By the time Rufus was finished, Tseng's glass was empty and resting beside him on the bed, and the older man had almost slipped into sleep, upright but sagging a little in his relaxed state. He sighed as warm arms wrapped around him from behind and Rufus pressed a kiss to his neck, and while he wanted to just enjoy the affection, he knew he should never relax when Rufus was the one handing it out.

"Thank you," Tseng murmured, his own hands coming up to rest on Rufus' arms around him, as he breathed in deeply, trying to find his wilting inner strength. "I'm afraid I won't be of any use to you tonight though, Sir. I am..."

"Tired and drained?" Rufus whispered, breath warm on Tseng's ear.

"Yes," Tseng conceded, tensing a little as he waited for the expected order to leave, and the anger over Rufus having wasted effort drying Tseng's hair for nothing. When the silence continued, Tseng frowned, his nerves too raw to handle the wait. "Look, I'm sorry I've wasted your time. I'll leave..."

"I don't want you to leave," Rufus cut in, moving Tseng's empty glass before insistently pushing the older man to lie down, eventually maneuvering him under the covers. Rufus then joined him, turning onto his stomach to lie half across Tseng, resting his chin on crossed arms on the Turk's bare chest. "I didn't mind drying your hair. I like your hair."

Tseng didn't know what to say, thrown by the diversion of their usual dance. Rufus only chuckled up at him, the smugness in the youth's expressing somehow only making him appear more attractive.

"I am not as self absorbed as you like to think, Tseng. I know this week was hard on you and not just because of the long hours or horrid conditions. I am aware that you and Sephiroth were childhood friends, and then much more," Rufus explained, smug smile becoming more earnest. "And honestly... well, Elena clarified to me that I should be more giving on occasion to you."

Tseng's eyes widened in shock. What had Elena said? He had a feeling he was better off not knowing, although the absence of details brought him no comfort. The very fact that Rufus knew about his old relationship with Sephiroth was upsetting enough on its own, and it led his mind to speculate what else Rufus knew... and what else was common knowledge to the hierarchy of Shinra that he'd thought was private.

"Don't worry, my father doesn't know anything about you and Sephiroth, or suspect. I found out through other means that are secure," Rufus reassured, having come to his own conclusion as to Tseng's reaction. "I just wanted you to know that I know, because... well, because I realize now that you need a little contrast from me. It's what makes you happy, isn't it? What will keep you content? A little sweet with your sour?"

Tseng frowned, gazing down at the blond silently as he tried to work out just where this conversation was going.

"Take Reno for example. He's usually inconsiderate, uncouth, confrontational, with questionable morals. But in private, with you, he's affectionate, trustworthy and caring," Rufus mused. "I suppose this... thing between us won't last the way it is now, and if I am to keep you by my side, I need to attempt to act in a similar manner in private."

Tseng didn't know what to say to the fact that the youth didn't take affection and caring as natural things to show somebody you wanted to stay with you. Then again, considering the family Rufus had grown up with, it wasn't really all that surprising.

"Are you sure you could manage it?" Tseng finally murmured a little sarcastically.

"Hmm... I suppose I can think of it as yet another lesson," Rufus sighed, looking up at Tseng innocently. "I don't want you to be unsatisfied in any way. Your attention might wander from me to another. Having you executed and breaking in a new lover would be so tiresome."

Tseng scowled, turning his eyes to the side as the blond chuckled at his reaction.

"Oh, come on Tseng. Where's your sense of humor?"

_Burned up in the flames of Sephiroth's sudden insanity, just like that damn town and all it's inhabitants_, Tseng thought to himself, somehow managing to keep his mental anguish at the thought, from showing on his face.

"My sense of humor is asleep, considering the hour," he said out loud, turning back to gaze down at the blond tiredly. "But I... I _would_ appreciate it if you would try to be like that with me, in private." He hated to have to negotiate it like this, but it didn't take away from the need inside of him, to be held and comforted, especially when his heart was hurting so much.

For a moment, he wished it was Reno here with him. Reno would just do it, wouldn't ask for an explanation, wouldn't need one. The redhead had always known when Tseng was hurting and offered comfort automatically, taking the sharp edge off the head Turk's pain.

But Reno was someone he couldn't be with... not like that. Not anymore. It wasn't fair to either of them to pretend he loved the redhead in that way, when he simply didn't.

"Then I will try," Rufus stated, crawling up to curl against Tseng's side. He rested his head on Tseng's shoulder, one arm wrapping around the older man's waist. Tseng could feel how tense Rufus was in this position, and despite the unemotional way he had spoken about all of this, he was here, making an effort, despite his own lack of experience and discomfort with such things.

Tseng couldn't help but smile as he closed his eyes. Resting his head on top of Rufus' and wrapping an arm around the youth, Tseng exhaled and let himself enjoy the embrace of the youth that held his heart so firmly. He'd needed this, even if it had come about through a discussion, rather than a natural progression of emotions. It was what he had been searching for from all of his partners in his life.

Love and affection. Intimacy and understanding. Rufus might not love him yet, but he wanted Tseng, enough to try to change, and Tseng believed that with time, maybe the blond's feelings would grow to match his own.

***.***

Tseng woke the next day to find Rufus straddling his waist, fully dressed and groomed to perfection. He blinked up at the smiling blond with half closed eyes, trying to push back the fuzzy remains of too many nightmares.

"You're kind of cute when you're half asleep and all mused," Rufus observed, smile morphing into a smirk. "In a dopey old man kind of way."

"I hate you," Tseng muttered, voice rough and dry. "Water?"

Rufus rolled his eyes, but reached over to the bedside table and retrieved a glass, handing it to the Turk. Tseng pulled himself up a bit to drink, and found arms wrapping around his waist to pull him up further. They stayed there, supporting him as he drank, and Tseng finished off the whole glass, trying to give his brain time to reboot, confusion settling over him from Rufus' affectionate actions.

Soon the glass was empty though, and Rufus took it from him, leaving them face to face... too close in Tseng's opinion. Well, too close when he wasn't firing on all cylinders. Rufus was dangerous when he was acting out of character.

But he was warm too... and he smelt so very, very good, aftershave light but intoxicating. Tseng's morning erection twitched in interest, lying against the blond's inner thigh with only the thin cotton of Tseng's sweatpants between them. It was too late to try to hide it, but Rufus didn't seem to mind as he pressed forward, arms tightening around Tseng's waist. It was only then that Tseng discovered Rufus was hard too.

"You're very aroused for one who thinks this 'dopey looking old man' is only _kind of_ cute," Tseng whispered, sucking in a breath as the youth wriggled provocatively.

"I may have been a little... misleading about my true opinions," Rufus admitted, grinning as he bridged the small space between them to kiss Tseng chastely, lips lazy and slow. Tseng let him have his way for a moment, but was soon threading a hand into soft blond locks so he could deepen the kiss, tongue twisting with Rufus' own and drawing a soft moan from the younger man.

A sudden knock on the door shattered the moment, Tseng jerking back from Rufus in surprise. He noticed the smug satisfaction on the blond's face and frowned in annoyance. "Who is that?" he demanded in a whisper.

"Sir? I'm back with our meals," Elena's voice called from the other side of the bedroom door. "Do you want me to go and wake up Tseng in the spare room?"

"I already woke him," Rufus called out, glancing at the door. "He'll be out in a minute, as will I."

"Okay, I'll set the table then," Elena responded, before her footsteps could be heard, heading back towards the kitchen.

One side of Rufus' lips rose up in a cheeky grin as he turned back to Tseng.

"Elena is here to dine with us. My apologies. It completely slipped my mind."

Tseng growled as Rufus climbed off him, straightening out his suit and redoing the button on his jacket to hide the bulge of his erection from sight.

"I'll go out and stall for you, but don't be too long or we'll start eating without you."

A moment later the youth was gone and Tseng was left scowling at the bedroom door, hating that he'd been fooled by Rufus and left... left... well, hard and with no way to hide it. Throwing back the sheets, he stood up, looking down to see how obvious it was. The tent in his sweatpants made him wish he'd put on underwear before coming here last night and Tseng growled again, annoyed and embarrassed by his own body. There was no way he was letting Elena see him in such a state.

But then he realized he was in Rufus bedroom, which had a cupboard the size of a small room coming off of one wall. Walking over, Tseng opened the doors and started going over the contents, trying to find something that would fit. None of the pants would do, Rufus having a waist far too slim in comparison to Tseng's, and his legs were noticeably shorter. Deciding to just make do with what he had on, Tseng turned to the shirts for a moment, before noticing shelves of pullovers towards the back. He found something suitable there, an older looking jumper that appeared big enough and he pulled it on, thankful the stretched out length meant it covered what he needed it too. He took a moment to run the brush through his hair, and then was out the door, finding the other two in the kitchen waiting for him.

"Good afternoon, Tseng," Elena beamed, standing so she could uncover the dishes in the middle of the table. "You're looking much more rested now, Sir."

"Thank you, Elena," Tseng replied, the fact she'd said afternoon taking a few seconds to sink in. "Is it afternoon?" he asked, sitting down and reaching out for the cup of coffee Rufus handed him without meeting the blond's eyes. He was still too annoyed to pretend not to care right now.

"Yes Sir. It's just after one o'clock," she informed him, settling back into her chair. "But don't worry. I made sure to cover all incoming calls this morning. Reno and Rude reported in and said everything is running smoothly." When Tseng's frown remained, she continued on. "I would have disturbed you if anything important came up, but since you got in so late last night, and Rufus explained to me about Reno's prank in your room that left you with nowhere to sleep so you had to come and use his spare room, I figured you needed the extra rest." Her smile dropped away, nerves starting to get the better of her. "Was that alright... Sir?" she finished, voice clearly showing her worry.

"Its fine Elena," Tseng replied, coffee frozen in place half way to his lips.

_Reno pranked my room? What in the world is she talking about?_

He noticed her smile hadn't returned and shook off the questions for now, knowing better than to call Rufus' story a lie in his presence. It made him wander why the youth_ had_ lied though.

"It's more than fine, actually. Thank you, Elena. I appreciate the extra sleep as it was sorely needed." He gave her a smile, one which she returned, setting them both at ease. "I apologize. I am just a little sleepy still."

"Totally alright, Sir. I understand completely! I'm the same before my first cup of coffee in the morning too," she went on, starting to help herself from the selection on the table. Tseng glanced at Rufus, glad that at least the youth's manners were working this morning and he'd waited for the lady in the room to partake first.

All good feelings were washed away by the amusement on Rufus' face, reminding Tseng of Elena's strange explanation of why he'd spent the night in the blond's apartment. What was Rufus up to now? He watched as the younger man selected his food next, finally getting his own last and beginning to eat, almost humming at how good the food tasted. He'd missed Rufus' expensive tastes far too much in his short time away.

Once lunch was finished, Elena excused herself to return to Tseng's office, insisting on covering for him for the day since there was nothing important due for now. No new reports of Sephiroth had arrived yet, and he would begin reading all the retrieved files later today. He watched her leave before turning to Rufus, intent on getting some answers to his earlier questions.

"Oh, don't look at me like that! I'm not doing any harm," Rufus exclaimed, giving in under Tseng's glare. "I just couldn't resist, and it's not my fault she's so clueless."

"Your view of harm is very different to mine, Rufus. Explain, now," Tseng demanded.

"Well, as you well know, Elena and I have spent all week together. We eat together, and started working together on the second day, as it was foolish for us both to be in separate rooms, alone and bored. At least when we share an office, we can chat or train when the day is slow," Rufus explained, pouring himself another cup of coffee. "I don't mind her company, even if she can be a little too... enthusiastic at times. Over the course of the week I discovered two things about her. One, she worships the ground you walk on. Two, she has no clue at all that we have been having sex."

Tseng frowned, ignoring the first point as Rufus being paranoid, his jealous nature always making such judgments of others unrealistically. The second point though, just couldn't be true.

"Of course she knows," Tseng insisted, sipping on his second refill of coffee slowly.

"She does not know, and doesn't even suspect," Rufus insisted, grin wide. "We talked about you quite a lot, and she went on and on about how wonderful it was that you and I were such good friends. She's thrilled that we've bonded and are so close, but has no idea of the true nature of our relationship."

"But she must. This isn't the first time I've stayed in your apartment overnight," Tseng continued, putting down his cup.

"You've only slept over a handful of times, and even then you're usually the first one awake, so how would she know? She assumes we are working when you're here at night, and you've told her no different. Interesting enough, Reno and Rude haven't filled her in either and won't now," Rufus continued, his last words making him chuckle.

Tseng's stomach turned a little. There was always some point to Rufus' little games, and he hated to think what this one would be.

"Why won't they?" Tseng asked with a sigh of annoyance.

"Well, I made a small wager with them. You are welcome to join in too, if you'd like."

"What wager, Rufus?" Tseng annoyance was clear in his voice now, his imagination always going to the worst possibility when it came to the Vice President.

"I just bet them both 1,000 gil that she wouldn'twork it out within the year, thus insuring that they won't tell her within that time, or they default on the wager and have to pay me anyway. She stays ignorant, they get their money eventually when I tire of the game and tell her before the year is out, and I get my fun. See, everyone's happy," Rufus finished, looking far too pleased with himself.

Tseng knew there was much more to this, but the shock that Rufus really believed they'd still be together in a year's time took precedence in his mind. They'd be back in Midgar before then, most likely, and wouldn't Rufus simply loose interest in him sexually when he had more appropriate choices on the menu?

"Everyone will be happy except for Elena," Tseng pointed out. It wasn't like he could ask Rufus what his plans for him in the future were anyway, because the youth would only lie.

"Elena is going to be unhappy to find out whenever we tell her because she has such a crush on you. I'm just putting off her suffering until we are in a place where she doesn't have to spend so much time with me. Doesn't that ensure a smooth working relationship while we're here, something you're always insisting on?"

Tseng's frown deepened. Rufus had thought very carefully about all of this, which only made him worry more. Right now, he couldn't think of a good enough reason to object to the game, but he was so tired and not at his best. He still didn't believe she had any kind of crush on him either. Tseng decided he'd talk to Reno about it when he and Rude returned at the end of the week, and decide what he truly thought of it then.

"When did you make this bet with Reno and Rude?" Tseng finally asked, a little offended Reno hadn't told him.

"This morning, when they called to report about 20 minutes before you woke up. After Elena talked to them, I simply told her I had something important to discuss with Reno and she left to collect our lunch while I did. So, are you in on the bet too? I'm sure you could find a use for the gil."

Tseng felt bad taking the bet, but decided it was better to be in than out, even if it was only to keep an eye on what they were all doing. If they won the wager, he'd be giving his money to Elena anyway, as compensation for leaving her out... although, telling her about the bet probably wouldn't be wise. He could always make up some reason for giving her the gil later.

"Fine, count me in," he finally agreed, Rufus looking very happy at his decision. "But if I think, for one moment, that she is being hurt by this wager, it will end and nobody will win or lose... except maybe you."

"I know, I know," Rufus agreed, waving a hand in the air at Tseng. "I'm quiet aware of how protective you are of your Turks, Tseng. I'm only providing entertainment to the troupes, not trying to harm Elena. I do like her, after all." He stood from the table then, taking his coffee cup over and rinsing it out in the sink. "I'm going to check in at the office, but I'll be back within the hour. Make yourself comfortable. Sleep or whatever, but I would appreciate it, if you stayed here. You are wearing one of my favorite cashmere tops after all, and I'd really like to take it off you personally... a little later on."

Rufus left then, Tseng too tired to argue as he made his way back into the bedroom to lie down. For a moment, he thought about calling Reno to ask about the whole wager business, but then remembered he'd left his phone in the bathroom last night... and he was far too comfortable to go get it. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to leave it until Reno returned in a few days, he curled up under the sheets instead.

He could only hope his dreams would be free of flames, the choking smell of burning flesh and Sephiroth's smile.

***.***


	17. Q : Quixotic

17

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><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Rufus, Elena, Aerith, Cloud, Tifa, Barret

**Warnings** – Swearing, angst

**Summary** – The plate drops on sector 7

**Timeline** – During the original game after Rufus becomes Vice President

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><p><strong>Note<strong> – The actual conversation between Tseng, Avalanche and Aerith just before the plate drops is taken directly from the original game, word for word. I just added Tseng's thoughts around the spoken parts from the game, to try and give reason to what is said and why he hits Aerith.

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><p>Four years slowly ticked by after Nibelheim burned.<p>

Tseng couldn't even begin to put Sephiroth behind him and move on, as the mission to bring him back never ended, false leads a weekly occurrence. Even when in Rufus' arms, his mind would slip to thoughts of the general. Like a ghost, Sephiroth's memory haunted him endlessly with all the possibilities of what might have been if Tseng had just been a little stronger, a little more willing to settle for less. His pride had insisted he end their relationship and he'd walked away, leaving the general to face the perils of Shinra alone.

Alone, with no backup or friend in sight. That one phone call didn't count... it'd been too little, too late. Tseng couldn't move past the guilt lying in his chest like a stone, cold and unbreakable... just like he'd always believed Sephiroth to be.

After investigating the incident for so long, Tseng believed that the town had been no more than collateral damage when the general had fractured. He also believed that Hojo had somehow orchestrated the whole disaster, but he had no proof. Tseng decided the Turk's really needed to find an excuse to end the professor... sooner rather than later. No scientific discovery was worth such loss. The ends just didn't justify the means.

Zackery Fair's face flickered through his mind and Tseng flinched, closing his eyes and frowning at the memory of the young man that had held so much promise. Then there was the cadet, a short, slight of frame blond who looked too young to be holding a rifle in the first place, too innocent to be consumed by Hojo's twisted experiments that never seemed to produce anything more than pain and suffering.

Tseng opened his eyes again and sighed in frustration. What in Gaia's name was the President trying to achieve with all of this bullshit anyway? The Promised Land, the older man would rant, spittle flying from his lips as he rambled on about a never ending source of mako that would make him ridiculously rich and powerful, make him a name to never be forgotten.

The fat fool didn't realize that his name was already unforgettable, but for pain and suffering, repression and betrayal. The Promised Land was nothing but a figment of his imagination, Tseng was sure, and the whole company was going to be dragged down by his delusions, becoming nothing more than a name to be cursed, a reminder of darker days.

Despite all of this, Rufus still fought on to win it. Tseng didn't understand, didn't get why the youth hadn't just cut and run, while there had been a chance to break free. He'd had enough money, enough assets of his own to start again far away with a false name and a clean slate. Freedom with a large dose of wealth still attached, sounded far more attractive to Tseng than continuing under the weight of the Shinra name.

It was all a mute point now though, as they were back in Midgar and Rufus had claimed the position of Vice President with a smirk of self satisfaction and an unending hunger for more power.

It worried Tseng, just what Rufus _would_ do when he became President, whether he would improve the city or simply make it worse... but that was just another thing Tseng was powerless to control. He would follow the blond, even if it led to damnation. He couldn't help but want to find a way to save him despite the hopelessness of it all, just as desperately as he wanted to find a way to save Sephiroth.

The problem was, Tseng had only ever been trained to destroy, not save. He was no hero and had no desire to be one. He just wanted both of these cursed men to survive, to rise above the darkness that clung to them and be free of it... for them both to find a little light.

It was a fool's errand at best, he knew. Sephiroth was missing, maybe already dead, and Rufus? Well, Rufus was deaf to any of Tseng's views on Midgar. Male pride and far too many father issues tainted Rufus' usual intelligence to nothing but pure lustful intent on that subject and Tseng knew no way to clear his view.

But at least he was there, in front of Tseng, available and in plain sight. He seemed to care... in his own, twisted way. Rufus didn't love him yet, but Tseng still help hope that it might lead there one day. The blond was certainly already possessive enough, and he had held to his promise to be more affection in private, even if it was awkward and almost laughable at times. Tseng found the attempts heartwarming, he couldn't help it. Rufus had so much pride, but was still willing to put it aside just to ensure Tseng stayed interested, and the blond was earnest in that, at least.

"Sir, sorry to disturb you, but there's an urgent mission from Midgar," Rude's voice suddenly sounded, pulling Tseng out of his moment of contemplation. Putting down his coffee cup, the Head Turk looked up from the surface of the desk were he'd been staring, to the doorway to his office, one eyebrow rising in question.

"Details?" Tseng asked.

"Two specimens have escaped from the Nibelheim laboratory. The President is sending the military after them, but wants us to help the search and pass on any information," Rude explained, walking closer to stand in front of the desk. "Specimens are human in appearance and one is classified as armed and dangerous, the other catatonic."

It seemed simple enough, but something about Rude's manner caught Tseng's attention. Looking over the other Turk, Tseng heard the creak of leather, indicating that Rude's hands were clasping each other tightly behind his back. That was never a good sign.

"What are your concerns?" Tseng asked, forgoing tact.

"Initial intelligence suggests that the armed specimen has the abilities of a soldier first class."

"Zackery Fair... and the catatonic one is that cadet?" Tseng muttered, more of a statement than a question. Rude answered it anyway.

"I believe so. The military have been given a kill order, Sir. No retrieval, even if they surrender," Rude continued, looking away. The angle allowed Tseng to notice the clench of muscle along the other man's jaw. He had to agree with Rude's unspoken distaste.

"If we get to them first, there's a chance...," Tseng began, voice fading as the possibilities filtered through his mind.

"The only chance they have," Rude added to the silent pause, eyes back on Tseng. "Zackery Fair was a top soldier, and could assist in the retrieval of Sephiroth."

Tseng doubted that, since from what he'd seen in the reactor that day, Zackery had had no success in reaching Sephiroth's sanity. Still, there was a small chance of easing some of his own guilt, and if the Turks retrieved the two and presented them to Lazard, maybe Hojo would be prevented from continuing their torture. After all, once they'd been seen by the other soldiers, pretending they were killed on a mission was impossible.

"Rude, tell Reno to prepare the chopper. You'll go with him and I'll requisition another from the army for Elena and I. Have her start on drawing up a search grid immediately as I want us in the air within the hour. The official line will be that we took them in for questioning over the Nibelheim incident," Tseng ordered, already reaching for his phone.

"You're going to fly, Sir?" Rude asked, making Tseng's hand pause on the receiver. He looked back at the other Turk, one eyebrow rising once more.

"I am fully trained and licensed, if you have forgotten, Rude," Tseng retorted coldly, glaring until the other looked away, shifting nervously in place.

"Of course, Sir. I wasn't... I mean, I...," Rude stuttered in a rare display of uncertainty.

"Dismissed," Tseng snapped, taking in a deep breath to calm himself as the door closed behind Rude. None of them were ever going to let him forget that one incident in the Nibelheim mountains when the weather conditions had defeated his piloting skills. It irked him, as despite the crash, he had managed to land the chopper with no fatalities. After all, not everyone could be a pilot protégé like Reno.

Pushing the annoyance aside, Tseng dialed the phone and was put on hold while an available chopper was organized. While he waited, he opened the draw of his desk, pulling out the container of letters that he'd been burdened with years ago. He wouldn't be sad to see them gone, as he already had enough regrets to bear without having to shoulder other's.

***.***

The haste in beginning their search for the two escapees had been a waste, as yet again the Turks were led on a long game of cat and mouse. It went on for months, and Tseng's mood sunk to new depths of blackness as frustration became a way of life. Rufus gave him space, and for a time there was nothing but endless flights, weeks of searching for the two who always seemed to be one step ahead.

Then came the day when they were found, Reno and Rude rushing to their location only to find the Shinra army had found them first. Zackery Fair died in a blaze of glory, taking a ridiculous number of regular army soldiers with him until he was put down. The cadet, Strife, disappeared without a trace, assumed dead considering his catatonic state. Even Reno came back home angry at their failure, and he, Rude and Elena settled in to drink their regrets away.

Tseng didn't join them, despite Reno insisting he should. Instead he went to his office and locked himself in, sitting for hours just staring at the bundle of letters that taunted him with yet another failure, another life he couldn't save. They eventually went back in his bottom draw, locked away from sight but never to be far from thought.

Rufus didn't say a word when Tseng turned up in his bedroom later that night, the first time since the search began that he'd approached the blond. Rufus had risen from bed to meet him, standing in front of the head Turk for a moment before undressing, offering himself up like some kind of silent sacrifice to Tseng's sanity.

Tseng took him, hard and barely prepared. Rufus didn't complain, still didn't say a thing, even when he failed to reach his own completion before Tseng collapsed over him, spent and still so frustrated at his long line of failures.

The gentle fingers that twined through Tseng's hair took his frustration and twisted it into tears, and still Rufus remained silent.

***.***

The days kept coming and going and somehow, Tseng managed to rise to meet each one. He was relieved when the first terrorist attack on reactor 5 shook the city, finally able to busy himself with familiar actions that came easy and kept him from thinking of a lost general he just couldn't let go of.

The first time he saw security camera footage of the new Avalanche, that relief fled like a flock of birds startled into flight.

Cloud Strife had returned from the dead to lead an attack on Shinra's reactors, a first class uniform worn like a walking memorial to Zackery Fair. Tseng found himself unenthused to capture him, the tiny part of himself that still clung to fairness insisting that Strife was justified. Still, Tseng was a Turk, and justice was not his path to walk.

When Strife prevented Reno from retrieving the girl believed to be an Ancient, all regrets dissipated to a distant memory. The Turks didn't have time for mercy with the President nipping at their heels and the second attack on a reactor only drummed that reality home. Strife's group had signed their own death warrants with that alone, but when they stole Aerith away, the President was enraged, as she was yet another price Hojo insisted on in return for his Promised Land. Reno's failure to get Ms Gainsborough from the church made him a target of the President's wrath, and Tseng would not stand for it.

Yes, before he'd felt sympathy for Aerith, even a little affection after his own time following her around the slums, but he would never sacrifice Reno for her, not even as some kind of recompense for the loss of Fair to Hojo.

Reno was family, and family came first.

Tseng ran interference, keeping Reno busy and out of sight, by having him and Rude track the terrorists to find their base in Midgar Despite the redhead's skills in the slums, they only had their home base narrowed down to one sector when the President's patience ran out.

Finally the order Tseng had feared all along was given. Dropping one of the plates on the slums was a possibility Heidegger had suggested after the first attack, and the President had decided to agree now they'd narrowed down the possibilities to one area. Objections from some on the board of directors were noted but ignored and sector 7 was condemned. The whole incident would be twisted into yet another attack by the terrorists, and Avalanche would be blamed for their own destruction.

Tseng immediately volunteered, knowing full well that whoever carried out this mission would be left burdened with the needless deaths of hundreds of innocents, and he didn't want any of his Turks to have to bear such a weight.

Unfortunately, the President hadn't forgotten Reno's initial failure to retrieve the flower girl, and he was not a forgiving man. Tseng was ordered to have the redhead carry out the detonation of the support pillar, and he had no choice but to bow and accept.

Tseng could do nothing but head to his office to try and find the inner strength needed to pass the mission to Reno, to emotionally cripple one he cared for, to make Reno destroy a large section of what was his childhood home.

When he opened the doors to his office, instead of a sanctuary, all he found was his biggest weakness.

"Shut the door," Rufus ordered, sitting at Tseng's desk with an expression that brokered no argument.

Tseng slammed it shut, demonstrating his discontent at the blond's presence, as his lips stayed sealed shut, thin and tight across all his clenched hatred of what his life had become.

"He gave you your orders then," Rufus observed, standing from the chair and walking to the side of the desk slowly, as if approaching a bomb that might explode with the slightest vibration. "I objected to this plan of action privately before the meeting, but father is unconcerned with my opinion on the matter."

Tseng let out a breath and looked away from him, mentally counting to ten in his head. This was a recent habit of Rufus'. He'd come to Tseng and insist he was separate from his father, denying responsibility for any decision that worked against the Turk's best interests. Overall, it was a positive development as it meant Tseng's opinion of him mattered and that he wanted the Turk's loyalty, but that didn't stop it being annoying, especially when it was so badly timed.

The blond began to pace when Tseng said nothing, taking his silence as acceptance and letting his personal aggravation from the board meeting slip through. Tseng couldn't help turning back to watch him, his eyes always drawn to the graceful sway of expensive fabric over soft skin, the glide to Rufus' stride that was all money and entitled upbringing.

"It's a waste of life that is unnecessary, but he refuses to see sense! I tried to tell him that chances are, Avalanche will escape and the only casualties will be citizens, but as usual, he listens to me last over the other fools." Rufus had paced his way right around the desk back to where he started and finally walked to the window to glare out over the city.

Tseng looked past him over Midgar, its night time facade resembling the corpse of a defoliated Christmas tree whose lights continued to glow hopefully amidst the twisted metal carcass of what could have been.

"It's always fucking Hojo this and Hojo that, and this fabled Promised Land, over and over again! It's as if the Professor has him by the balls and keeps squeezing, and that deluded fuck just hands him whatever he wants. Forget sense, forget politics or public relations or his own fucking son! No, none of those things are important when compared to the chance for _extraordinary_ profit." Rufus snorted out a noise that was all childish distain, but somehow managed to make the vulgar mannerism seem elegant. "Profit over parenting... maybe_ that_ should be Shinra's new logo," he drawled, face twisted into a snarl.

Suddenly Tseng was distracted by that expression, by Rufus' malice towards his father. He was overcome by the urge to redirect that ire towards himself, to twist it into a viscous passion that could burn away his guilt, fuck it out of his system one hard thrust at a time. He'd always topped the youth before, an unspoken agreement that he suddenly wanted to break with every fiber of his being. Asking would never get him what he wanted, but maybe...

"I am sorry, Rufus," Tseng began, glaring at the blond and despising the fact his heart chose _this_ man to love. "But I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck."

Tseng watched the youth tense up instantly at his words and only regretted he couldn't see the look of shock on Rufus' face from this angle. It would have been priceless, he assumed. By the time the Vice President turned to face him, there was only anger and threats in his expression.

"I beg your pardon?!"

"My pardon is not given. If you would, I'd appreciate it if you would leave as I have work to do, and no time to listen to you whine about your daddy issues tonight," Tseng replied flatly, enjoying the flush his words spread over those usually perfectly pale cheeks. He had begun to understand why Reno enjoyed pissing people off so much, as it did feel rather gratifying in the moment.

"M-my what?!" Rufus stuttered out in a yell, eyes half closing into a dirty glare that Tseng only found vaguely threatening.

It was foolish to risk everything to just to work up Rufus' passion to punish, but Tseng couldn't stop himself in the moment, his mouth opening yet again, against his better judgment.

"Your daddy issues," he repeated helpfully, at least managing not to smirk. Smirking would probably get him shot, although Rufus looked like he was considering that option anyway. Tseng felt his heart pick up pace, his whole body responding to the threat of danger in a rush that washed away all remnants of his previous depressive cloud. "Maybe you should go and seek out your therapist, Sir. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to listen to you feel sorry for yourself for hours. I, on the other hand, find it a rather large waste of my time."

"You fucking asshole," Rufus hissed, stalking towards him with fists clenched, eyes burning with his wounded pride. The youth stopped one step away, trembling a little with indecision and the effort it took to control his overflowing indignation. His mouth opened and closed twice before he found words to weave into an acceptable expression of his rage.

"How many times in the past four years have I listened to you whine about your Turks, especially that fucking redhead? And then there's your unending quest to find your psychopathic ex-lover who will probably kill you on sight. _They_ are all you everworry about, all you ever _think_ about, day after day." Rufus leaned in as he hissed out his poison, as if magnetically drawn without his consent. "You know how much I hate it, but I never say a word and always let you take out your frustrations on me. The_ least_ you could manage is to listen to my vexations in return!"

In that moment, Rufus was a picture of discontented beauty that was unaware of its own allure, and Tseng ached for the blond to explode into him and tear away all the emotional burdens that were weighing him down. He'd tried everything else he could think of to alleviate the weight of his failures, but never insults that bordered on betrayal.

"Why don't you make me?" Tseng murmured, low and challenging, letting the smirk break free on lips that could almost taste relief. "Bend me over my own desk and force me to respect you, Vice President."

Tseng leaned in a little, leaving them with only a breath between their lips, so close he could feel the heat of Rufus' anger radiating off him.

"Or are you_ still_ not man enough?"

Rufus' eyes dilated, his breath stuttering a moment as the possibility flickered through his mind. Tseng watched him consider the suggestion, then the blond's eyes suddenly flattened, shutting him out.

"No," Rufus whispered, taking a step back, and Tseng almost followed, having to force himself to stay in place as his eyes widened in surprise.

"No?" Tseng repeated, smirk twisting into a frown. Rufus mirrored the expression for a moment, but then his face fell to sadness.

"No... not like _this_. I will not," Rufus replied, stepping past Tseng and leaving the office without looking back.

Tseng stood for too long, frozen in yet another failure, faced with ordering Reno to abandon his soul with nothing to temper his guilt.

***.***

The day of the plate drop began with an air of falsity, Tseng sleeping in past his alarm for the first time he could remember. Rufus had refused to see him out of work hours since he'd tried to use the young heir as a kind of self flagellation, and Tseng had been left to brood in his own self hatred alone. Nightmares had plagued his sleep, and he'd had nobody to turn to, as Reno had chosen Rude for his comfort and strength.

It was what Tseng had wanted all along, but his too taut nerves were making him selfish and spiteful. He found himself truly jealous when it came to the abandonment, thoughts of harming Rude flickering through his malcontented thoughts. Thoughts of harming Rufus had grown boring after the first few hours, as most had already been chewed over before.

Even three cups of coffee didn't help in the slightest, and Tseng ended up being the last to arrive at the helipad, the others avoiding his gaze and falling to silence as he approached like an impending thunderstorm. He didn't want to discuss it, so he was relieved at the avoidance. He just wanted this cursed day to be over.

What he wanted never did come to pass though, and while he was turned away, checking his phone for the possibility that Rufus had forgiven him, the others arranged themselves in the chopper without his consent. He climbed in the back to find Reno waiting for him, not Elena as was their usual order.

The redhead did not look pleased, and Tseng could tell immediately that it had nothing to do with the mission. The ire was too personal, and aimed squarely at him. By the time he considered escape, the doors were closed and they were in the air, trapped with the one person he could never take out his temper on.

"I had a little chat with Rufus this morning," Reno began, gaze holding Tseng's like a vice. "He told me what ya did the other night, in your office."

Tseng let an eyebrow rise but didn't reply, waiting for a clue as to how much Reno actually knew. Surely the two hadn't become that close while his attention was elsewhere.

"Ya think he don't understand. Ya think I don't either... but ya always have underestimated how much we all know ya," Reno drawled, voice loud enough to be heard over the noise of the chopper, loud enough that Rude and Elena would be hearing it too.

Tseng's face flushed red in a mix of embarrassment and anger, but Reno didn't back down. Reno never backed down from anything.

"Ya ain't got the right to do this, ya hear? This is _my_ burden to bear and I'll bear it fine. Ya ain't my daddy, ain't the protector of my morals or some shit, so just drop it," Reno insisted, reaching over for a hand that Tseng snatched away, refusing the contact the youth always insisted upon.

Reno's words hurt, stabbed Tseng in the chest and made his already bleeding conscious almost flatline from the pain. He'd thought Reno had considered him as a father figure of sorts, as Tseng himself had considered Veld, but if that had changed...

"Don't ya dare get that damn expression on ya face either!" Reno suddenly yelled at him, reaching out again and snatching Tseng's hand while the older man was stunned by the sudden rise in volume. "You're my best friend, and I love you, but I won't have ya carrying my guilt. For fuck's sake, Tseng! You're already carrying so much other shit you got no control over. Stop with the martyring crap and just be here for me! That's what I need from you. That's what will get me through _this_, knowing you're all here and none of ya will think less of me after."

The relief was bittersweet, tainted with his failure to keep his strength in a situation where he was just an observer, Reno's bravery shaming his own weakness. Tseng tentatively squeezed the fingers holding his, suddenly noticing how desperately Reno was clinging to his hand... and another needle of guilt pierced his heart.

"I'm sorry," Tseng blurted out, knowing that he has to get a grip, for Reno if for nothing else. While usually that wouldn't be a hard thing for him to do, usually that's because _he_ was the one suffering. Watching one of his Turks suffer was hard, watching Reno suffer was unbearable, especially on the heels of Sephiroth's loss. It made Tseng feel so helpless, and nothing ever throws him more than that.

"Yeah, I know ya big idiot," Reno retorted, rolling his eyes before giving him a grin.

Tseng couldn't help but smile back, even if it was a pathetic attempt in comparison.

"Tonight, after all this shit, you're coming to drink with us, ya hear? The four of us together are gonna wipe this whole day out of our minds and move on. Don't try and wiggle your way out of it... please?" Reno implored.

The youth's expression was so earnest that Tseng wanted to hug him, but considering where they were, he simply nodded and pulled Reno's hand closer, holding it to his cheek and closing his eyes. It was the first human contact Tseng had had in weeks and it bolstered him a little, giving him the strength to open his eyes and try to be what Reno needed.

***.***

Having to leave Reno on the pillar to set the detonation program took all of Tseng's self control, and by the time they arrived at Aerith's mother's house, he had no patience left to be gentle. Aerith wanted to fight for her freedom, but froze when Tseng grabbed the little girl she'd been protecting and held a gun to her head.

"Do not think I care that she's a child. I have killed children before and will again. Her life is meaningless to me," Tseng stated flatly, almost wishing she'd resist just so he could pull the trigger and see all that innocent indignation crumble into despair.

"You're a monster!" Aerith's mother hissed, uselessly brandishing a frying pan in his direction. It was something that would have usually made Tseng smirk, but his sense of humor had been left on the pillar with Reno.

"No, just a Turk doing his job," Tseng replied, pressing the barrel of the gun harder into the child's temple and making her whimper. "Now move, Miss Gainsborough, before I decide to kill them both and take you by force." He didn't have the time for discussions, the minutes ticking by too quickly until they had to pick up Reno. To be late would mean losing him forever.

"I'll come with you, just don't hurt them!" Aerith insisted, dropping her staff and walking forward, eyes on the child in Tseng's hold.

"Elena, take her," Tseng instructed, giving them a few minutes to get to the chopper before he pushed the child at Aerith's mother and left the house.

In minutes they were in the air, Tseng in the back with Elena and their captive as they approached the pick up point for the redhead. He was there, with a split lip but still smirking, much to Tseng's relief.

"All set," Reno announced, climbing into the chopper. He sat down next to Tseng and looked Aerith up and down, before winking at Elena who stuck out her tongue at him. "Avalanche came ta visit. I stalled them for awhile, but left when I ran out of time."

"Can they disarm it?" Tseng asked as the chopper lifted into the air once more.

"Nah. It was pretty obvious they don't have the codes. They were trying ta think of another way though, and hopefully they'll keep trying 'til the thing drops on their heads."

"Maybe we should encourage them to stay a little longer then," Tseng mused.

"How can you do this! Hundreds of innocent people are going to die, and for what? Just so you can kill a handful of Avalanche members?!" Aerith insisted, standing up and taking a step towards Tseng with her fists clenched.

"Hey, they started it and besides, don't see ya moaning the loss of all the so called _innocents_ that got killed when Avalanche blew up the first reactor," Reno spat at her, leaning forward in his seat.

"That was an accident! They told me they miscalculated...," Aerith began, but Reno cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever _flower girl._ You justify what they did however ya like, but it's no different ta us. Innocents get killed all the fucking time when shit goes down like this. It's called collateral damage. If they cared about innocents dying, they wouldn't of started this war in the first place."

"They're trying to save the planet," Aerith insisted, eyes wide and full of pure earnestness. "Sometimes, lives are lost but it's for the greater good, and I know none of them would ever kill innocents on purpose."

"What, ya trying to tell me they didn't know the bomb was gonna kill people living around the reactor? Ya really believe they're that stupid?" Reno retorted, waving her off and leaning back in his chair. "They _knew _and they did it anyway, cause they believe that it's for the greater good... which is exactly why we're dropping the plate. For the greater good and all, so sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up."

"Two minutes until detonation," Rude's voice called from the front, grabbing Tseng's attention while Aerith dropped to her knees in the middle of the cabin, all the fight draining out of her as she sagged in defeat.

"Head to the pillar so we can delay Avalanche for a moment," Tseng ordered, turning back to watch the flower girl as the chopper lurched and changed direction. He found her pathetic in the moment, all former affection and respect for her gone. She was supporting terrorists and yet somehow had been fooling herself into believing they were angels of some kind. Tseng had no time for such naivety.

Standing up, he grabbed the girl by the pony tail and dragged her closer to the door as they rose up parallel with the pillar. She just sagged in place, so he released her and opened the door just in time for the platform Avalanche were on to come into view. They were still standing around the control panel, and Tseng smirked at the fact that these idiots really believed themselves to be heroes, when they were nothing more than murders hiding behind the right intensions.

"That's right. You'll have a hard time disarming that one. It'll blow the second some stupid jerk touches it," Tseng called out, smirking as all three turned to glare at him.

"Please, stop it!" a dark haired girl called out to him, expression similar to the one Aerith had worn only moments before.

It tweaked Tseng's temper, how these people kept acting so damn justified, as if they didn't have blood staining their hands already... as if they were better than he and his Turks. He laughed at her, but there was no amusement in the sound, only a mocking derision that he had no other way to express.

"Only a Shinra executive can set up or disarm the Emergency Plate Release System," he finally replied.

A muscular man with a gun grafted onto his arm, lifted it threateningly at the chopper. "Shut ya hole!"

"I wouldn't try that. You might make me inure our special guest," Tseng remarked, glancing at the girl beside him to drag their attention to her.

"Aerith!" the dark haired girl yelled, taking a step forward as the gun-armed man lowered his weapon with a snarl.

"Oh, you know each other? How nice you could see each other one last time. You should thank me," Tseng drawled sarcastically.

"What are you gonna do with Aerith?!" the third Avalanche member called out.

Tseng looked him over, recognizing him and feeling a sudden wave of conflicting emotions that threw him off balance. It was Cloud Strife, the boy Zack died trying to escape with, the one left for dead on the plains outside Midgar like human waste. Hojo's lost little lamb...

"I haven't decided. Our orders were to find and catch the last remaining Ancient. It's taken us a long time, but now I can finally report this to the President," Tseng replied flatly. He stopped himself from saying more, shocked by how much he'd just blurted out simply because of some twisted sense of responsibility.

What had happened to Fair and Strife was not his fault, and there was no reason for him to feel guilty when he'd only been following orders... only been protecting his own by ensuring the President wasn't handed anymore reasons to cancel their usefulness to the company. He was suddenly assaulted with memories of Veld, of having to execute his mentor at the President's order, and instead of sadness, a wave of pure rage poured over him.

These worthless humans lived on when Veld was no more, and it was so very, very unfair.

"Tifa, don't worry! She's alright!" Aerith suddenly yelled from beside him, and before he even registered what he was doing he'd struck out at her, slapping her across the face and knocking away the sudden smile she tried to gift her companions with.

"Aerith!" the dark haired woman called out in concern, but Tseng ignored her, too busy trying to pull himself back under control as he glared at the girl beside him.

"Hurry and get out!" Aerith called back before glancing at Tseng, leaning away from him but still showing a stubborn resolve in her eyes. He wanted to hit her again, but his train of thought was interrupted by Rude's call that they had to go as time had run out.

There was no time left for Avalanche to escape, and it bought a sick sense of satisfaction to Tseng's mind, making him laugh mockingly at them once again.

"Well, it should be starting right about now. Think you can escape in time?" he managed to taunt, just before the chopper pulled away from the tower. Slamming the door closed, he turned on the flower girl.

Tseng looked at her wide eyes with a hunger for ruination, imagining what it would be like to wrap his tainted hands around that fragile, pure neck and squeeze until all remnants of humanity were gone. Before he could act on the urge, Elena moved between them, shoving the girl into a seat and strapping her in place. She then turned to meet his own enraged gaze with one of cold, determined steal.

He'd never seen Elena like that before, all smiles forgotten and affection removed. Her eyes dared him to try that on her, to raise his hand to strike and find out exactly what lay hidden beneath her usual mask of light amusement. He was tempted for a moment, yearning for the pain of punishment that he knew would follow.

"Tseng."

It was only one word, but it came from Reno's lips and stopped all violence like a brick wall appearing across a highway full of speeding traffic. Tseng's head jerked to the side to meet the redhead's eyes and found a stubborn resolve that shamed him.

"Rude needs you in the cockpit. Me and Elena will watch the girl."

Tseng complied without a word, as if Reno was in charge all along, slipping into the copilots seat without glancing at Rude. In seconds they were high in the sky, looking over the horror below like malevolent gods, trying to ignore the echoes of screams from below and the closer sound of Aerith's tears.

***.***


	18. R : Retrospect

18

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><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Reno, Rude, Elena, Rufus

**Warnings** – Angst, sex, infidelity, swearing

**Summary** – In retrospect lies regret

**Timeline** – After the plate falls on sector 7

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><p><strong>Note<strong> - Ths chapter is dedicated to kickcows who now owns my soul. Just don't sell it on e-bay.

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><p>Tseng wanted to disappear.<p>

It wasn't a foreign urge, but this time it was so much stronger than usual. Shame dirtied his thoughts like ash, and the more he tired to wipe it away, the more he simply smudged the blackness everywhere. It just kept getting thicker and deeper until he felt like he was being buried alive.

He needed someone to pull him free.

But why would anyone? Why would his Turks help after he'd displayed such a complete and utter lack of self control? He couldn't hide the irrationality of his actions now, and he had no way to justify his slip over the fine line his sanity balanced on. For so long he'd hidden that part of himself from them but now...

Elena wouldn't even look at him, neither would Rude. Reno's silence was like a scream of disappointment, deafening in its complete condemnation.

But still... the redhead _was_ holding his hand.

Tseng had been shocked when those fingers had entwined with his own just moments after they'd left the science department, having handed over the flower girl as ordered. Now they were making their way up through the building once more and still Reno's hand remained, holding his. Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice. Like ghosts, the Turks strode through the halls seemingly invisible to the people running past them, the whole organization in a panic in the wake of the plate drop.

When they arrived at Tseng's apartment, the redhead stopped and glanced at Tseng, who unlocked the door and led them inside. He waited to be chastised, to see disappointment in Reno's eyes over the realization that Tseng was so much less than he pretended to be. When Reno turned to face him and gave him a smile instead, Tseng could only stare back in shocked confusion.

"What, you stunned by my sexiness?" Reno teased, grin widening. When Tseng didn't respond, the youth lifted his free hand to lightly pat the side of Tseng's face. "Hello, anybody home?"

"Reno, don't be an ass," Rude's deep voice chastised, jolting Tseng out of his singular focus.

Looking around, he took in Elena placing glasses on the coffee table and Rude standing over by the mini bar. It was only then he remembered the reason why they were here, the promised drinking session with his Turks.

"Boss, you mind if we help ourselves?" Rude asked.

Tseng managed a nod, before his eyes were back on Reno. The redhead was giving Rude a cheeky smirk full of unspoken insinuations that made Tseng's heart clench in a wave of melancholic envy.

"Ya know, if we're gonna drink, we should sit down," Reno noted, turning back to Tseng with a wink before he pulled him towards the two-seater lounge. "You're sitting next to me."

Tseng simply went were he was led, frowning as he sat stiffly beside Reno. This jealousy he felt towards Rude was bothering him, as he couldn't understand why it wouldn't go away. He knew it was wrong, was misplaced. He was the one who had pushed them together, after all. He didn't love Reno like that, he was sure of it.

But maybe this wasn't about love at all. Was it alright to feel jealous just because you'd been left behind?

Trying to force his thoughts back into the moment, Tseng noticed Elena and Rude were both at the bar now, arguing over what to drink, it seemed. Reno chuckled as he watched them, Tseng's hand still in his grasp, but the hold had softened.

Palm up and resting on Tseng's thigh, Reno's hand was more like a soft place for Tseng's hand to lie, given freely for as long as he needed it.

"Why aren't you angry at me?" Tseng whispered, eyes on their hands as he tried not to think of how their limbs were imitating their past relationship.

"Why would I be angry at you?" Reno replied softly, head tilting to one side as he turned to face Tseng.

Tseng had to look away. Reno's expression was too earnest and too affectionate. He ended up staring at his feet where his shoes led him down yet another avenue of thought he didn't wish to visit.

Veld had taught him to always take them off at the door when he came home, one of the first things he'd learnt when he'd come to Midgar, but for the first time he'd forgotten. Yet another thing Veld had taught him that he'd failed to do today.

With a scowl of annoyance, Tseng toed them off and left them where they fell under the coffee table, trying not to think of Veld. It was as if his mind was intent on torturing him with every painful topic it could, and he was quickly losing patience with himself.

"Shit, sorry boss! Totally forgot about the shoes," Reno suddenly apologized having misconstrued Tseng's scowl. The redhead slid his hand out from under Tseng's to remove his own shoes before grabbing both pairs and carrying them over to the door while the fingers of Tseng's abandoned hand curled, digging into his thigh.

"Hey you animals, shoes off!" Reno called to the others as he arranged the footwear by the door, just as Tseng always did, in one neat line.

The head Turk watched as Elena and Rude went to the door and did the same. Tseng couldn't take his eyes off them, the way the three interacted like siblings. Reno poked Elena in the side with a finger as she balanced on one leg to remove her shoe, and after she stumbled and was stopped from falling by Rude, she righted herself to slap the redhead's arm lightly in rebuttal. Then the two switched to insults, the verbal sparring more bruising, as Rude simply shook his head at them both.

His Turks... his family. But if they were the children, what did that make him? The father? No... he was not enough to call himself that. Veld had been the father, strong and stable, never faltering, but Tseng was just... he didn't even know anymore. Staring back at his feet, he gripped his own hands together in front of him and tried to pretend he was still holding Reno's hand.

Tseng was so wrapped up in his self derision that he didn't see Rude glance at him, didn't see him put a hand on Reno's shoulder and nod in Tseng's direction before the pair exchanged a few whispered words. Tseng didn't even notice how quiet the room suddenly became as Elena and Rude watched Reno walk towards him. He ended up jerking away in surprise when the redhead knelt down beside him, startled by the sudden proximity as he looked up and his eyes connected with concerned blue.

"I'm sorry," Tseng whispered, lips parting as he prepared to explain further, to tell Reno why he _should_ be angry at him. He never got the chance though, as the redhead leaned in and kissed him, soft and sweet. It stopped all Tseng's thoughts dead, and when Reno leaned back again to look at him, Tseng could only return the gaze with wide eyes.

"Don't be, cause I'm not," Reno murmured, his hands taking hold of Tseng's and prying them apart. "You can do something for me though," he added, that damn smile back that Tseng could never refuse.

"Anything," Tseng replied automatically, eyes darting around nervously until he found Rude and Elena. The other two were back at the bar now, collecting a few bottles and chatting about their choices. Tseng didn't understand why Rude didn't seem to care that Reno had kissed him, as he'd thought the two were a couple now... although, he had been too distracted lately to check up on how they were going. Before he could think any more of the subject, Reno's hand appeared on the side of Tseng's face and gently turned him back to look at the redhead.

"Drink with us and stop with the angsting. You got nothing to worry about right now. We're all here and we're all alright. Mission accomplished, time to chill," Reno began, moving to sit beside Tseng and drawing the older man's eyes with him. "You're so fucking stressed lately, that you're like a male chocobo in heat, scowling at everything that moves like ya gonna kill it. Seriously, you need to get laid and lighten up, cause it's pissing me off seeing ya like this."

"Nice analogy, Reno," Elena muttered sarcastically as she sat down on the floor across the coffee table from them. "Tseng is nothing like a chocobo, you moron."

"Fuck you, blondie. Ya not even half as smart as me," Reno retorted, snatching a bottle of whiskey from the table top.

"Not half as smart assed as you, definitely," Rude murmured as he sat next to her and gave Reno a small grin. "And she has a point. Tseng is not like a male chocobo in heat. Not even vaguely. You'd be dead by now if that was the case."

"Oh, gang up on me, why don't ya!" Reno complained, pouring himself a glass and filling another, which he handed to Tseng. "Here I was thinking ya loved me, Rude, but now I see ya just crushing after Lena after all. My heart is broken man, seriously."

"It's your brain that's broken, Reno," Elena commented, winking at Reno as he glared at her. "Besides, I'm sorry to say, my heart is set on another now, so all you boys are going to have to live without me."

Reno's glare morphed back into his trademark smirk almost instantly.

"Oh, I ain't believing that until I get a name, Lena! 'Sides, me and Rude gotta make sure whoever this guy is, that he's good enough for one of ours."

Elena's smile turned impish as she rested her head against Rude's shoulder for a moment, watching as he poured her a drink from one of the bottles he'd brought over.

"Who said it's a he, Reno?" she finally replied, just as Reno was taking a sip of his drink. Tseng patted the redhead's back as he coughed around the liquid he'd just breathed in, Rude and Elena laughing at Reno's reaction. It was only when the redhead recovered and turned to refill Tseng's glass that Tseng realized he was smiling too.

***.***

Hours later, half of Tseng's extensive collection of alcohol was gone. Strangely, it didn't bother him at all. Nothing was bothering him at the moment... mainly because he couldn't remember what should be bothering him. Then again, the fact he'd drunk so much that he doubted he could stand up probably had something to do with it.

Not being able to stand... that _was_ a bother.

He was sure if he drank a bit more, he could fix that too, and he spied his glass just in front of him on the coffee table. Unfortunately, when he tried to pick it up, his hand missed it completely, and before he could try again, it disappeared. Looking up, Tseng met Reno's smirk with a glare.

"Give it back."

"Nah, not gonna happen. You've had too much already and I'm not letting ya drink yourself into the damn hospital. Rufus would throw a fit and he's a big enough pain in my ass already. Not literally, mind you. Don't go getting any crazy ideas in ya pretty head," Reno replied, handing the glass off to Rude who'd suddenly appeared beside him. Looking around and trying to get his bearings, Tseng noticed that all the bottles and glasses were gone... as was Elena.

"Where's Elena?" Tseng asked, frowning at the fact he honestly didn't know.

"She's gone home," Reno replied, sitting down next to Tseng and patting his thigh. He noticed that Rude had disappeared again... which was just creepy. "She said thanks for the drinks and that she'd hold down the fort tomorrow so you can recharge. You agreed with her."

"Why would I do that?" Tseng asked, blinking at Reno in confusion.

"Cause you're a smart guy who knows when he needs a day off," Reno announced, chuckling at the dirty look Tseng gave him.

"I would never order myself to take a day off. That's just ridiculous," Tseng muttered, turning away as he stood up, intent on calling Elena and finding out for himself. Unfortunately, he only made it two steps before the room tilted disturbingly. He would have fallen if not for the two arms that wrapped around him from behind, holding him up securely.

"Well, ya did, and ya ordered us to make sure it happens, no matter what. So deal with it like a good turk and don't be difficult," Reno retorted, walking around to stand facing him, hands on hips like a chastising parent.

"Hang on," Tseng mumbled, looking at Reno's arms, then down to the two that were still around his waist. "If you're there, who owns these arms?"

"That would be Rude. You do remember Rude, don't ya?" Reno drawled, smirking at Tseng.

"Of course I do, you ass," Tseng retorted, glaring at the redhead. It was only then that Tseng realized there was a body pressed flush against his back, and it was a rather nice body at that. Heat sprung to his cheeks before he could stop it, embarrassment washing over him as he felt himself begin to harden.

_No, no, no, no!_ Tseng's thoughts screamed, but his legs wouldn't obey him and take his weight. He couldn't afford to be getting aroused over Rude, not when Rude belonged to Reno.

"Let me go," Tseng mumbled, turning his face to the side in the hope that Reno didn't notice his blush. His hair fell to cover his face, but the relief of being hidden only lasted seconds. His ear was now pressed up against Rude's chest and he could hear every breath Rude took, feel the muscles of the other man's chest expand and contract with only thin cotton between them. There were a lot of muscles.

"If I do, you'll fall down," Rude's voice replied, too close to a purr.

The sound sent a wave of desire from one end of Tseng's body to the other, his eyes half closing without his permission as his pulse sped up. He couldn't think of a reply, couldn't think of a way to get away and hide this before either Reno or Rude noticed. His arousal mixed with the panic to leave him frozen in indecision.

'Tseng?" Reno's voice suddenly sounded too close.

Tseng squeezed his eyes closed, trying to hunch in on himself as much as possible so the redhead wouldn't see. Reno could always read his eyes too well.

"Hey, what's wrong? Rude, you ain't squeezing him too hard, are ya big guy?" Reno continued, concern clear in his voice.

"No," Rude replied. "But he's trembling."

"Trembling?" Reno asked, closer still.

Tseng bit his lip, trying to think of something gross, something that would take away this damn feeling, but the adrenaline rushing through his veins was only making it worse, making him _want _so much that he could bring up no other thought. The slight touch of Reno's hand trying to move his hair out of the way made Tseng finally force out words.

"I'm fine," Tseng whispered, voice little more than a whisper. "Just let me go."

"Keep him where he is," Reno ordered.

The command in the redhead's voice caught Tseng's attention instantly, as he'd never heard it before, not even when the redhead was angry at him. Tseng was looking up before he could stop himself, eyes wide as they met the redhead's intense gaze.

"Oh my," Reno murmured softly, a hand gently moving Tseng's hair behind his ear. "I think somebody has suddenly realized how attractive you are, Rude."

Tseng was sure his heart had stopped beating, but he guessed that even if it were true, he wouldn't die quickly enough to save him from this.

"No, it's not like that," Tseng insisted, beginning to wriggle in Rude's arms.

"It surely is," Reno asserted, smirk back in place. "You want my man, you hussy."

"Excuse me?!" Tseng demanded. "Did you just call _me_ a hussy?"

"Did I mention I love hussies?" Reno chuckled before grabbing Tseng's face and kissing him silent. Rude still held him tightly, but now Reno held him too, the redhead's tongue licking away all resistance.

"You both are such damn handfuls," Rude's voice muttered, capturing Tseng's attention enough that he bit Reno's lip to end the kiss, making the redhead hiss in protest.

"I am not a handful," Tseng quipped indignantly, trying to glare over his shoulder but failing. His attempts got Reno laughing again.

"Nah, Tseng is two handfuls, trust me," Reno declared, making an obscene gesture with his hands.

"Reno, don't be so crass," Rude rumbled, his voice echoing through his chest and causing a rather nice vibration.

Tseng shivered, his cock aching for touch as he sighed in frustration at his body. Why wouldn't they just let him go?

"Tseng loves it when I'm crass, don't ya beautiful?" Reno purred, leaning in to lick the shell of his ear.

Tseng whimpered, then blushed redder from making such a sound. He had to at least save himself a little embarrassment, so he latched his mouth onto Reno's neck to mute the noises he didn't want them to hear.

"You love it too, Rude, ya big sex machine," Reno added with a hum of pleasure at what Tseng was doing. "And now you've gone and worked your mojo on him, you gotta fix him before he explodes from unresolved sexual tension... Owe, fuck it Tseng, not so hard!" Reno exclaimed, tugging on Tseng's hair. It didn't move the older man, but he did stop biting... for now. He really didn't like Reno talking about him in such a way.

"Really?" Rude asked, seemingly ignoring Reno's last outburst. "But won't he kill me tomorrow? And don't _you_ mind?"

"Ya only live once, my friend," Reno chuckled as Tseng's arms slid around him, one slipping down his back to squeeze the redhead's ass. "And as for me... well I'm in on this too, but don't get used to it. Tseng will always be an exception, but he's the only one."

The words filtered through Tseng's mind like background music, heard but not absorbed, as he was too busy mapping out every inch of Reno's neck. He was so hungry for human touch that Rude's hands on him felt like fire as they slid from around his waist to rest on his hips, giving a little squeeze of encouragement as adrenaline gave Tseng the strength to stand on his own two feet.

They were big hands, strong hands, confident hands. They reminded him of Sephiroth's and he moaned against Reno's neck as painful memories swept over him, biting down again in anger at his mind's betrayal.

"Fuck, Tseng!" Reno hissed, the hand fisted in Tseng's hair finally pulling hard enough that he complied and leant back. "You're like a fucking vampire. Seriously, how long has it been since you got laid?"

"Two weeks... but it was me doing the laying," Tseng replied, licking his lips as he leant back into Rude again, but he kept his arms around Reno's waist. The sudden breath by his own ear made him flinch, but then Reno was kissing him again, and the breath turned into another set of lips, kissing and licking lightly along his ear. Tseng groaned, hips bucking forward into Reno's as he began to drown in all the sensations, pressed between two warm bodies that wanted him.

"How long since you received?" Reno whispered against his lips, chuckling as Tseng glared at him through half open eyes, head tilted to one side so he could feel more of Rude's talented tongue.

"Never with Rufus," Tseng replied, closing his eyes when he noticed Reno's widening in shock.

"That means... holy hell, that long," Reno mumbled, hands slipping down between his and Tseng's body to work at removing Tseng's pants. There were more kisses, and Tseng had forgotten his embarrassment by the time Reno pulled back and added, "Rude'll take good care of ya, I promise. I've always wanted this... the three of us, at least once."

"We'll take it slow," Rude whispered in Tseng's ear, making him gasp. "Is that what you want, Tseng? Do you want me inside of you?"

"Y-yes," Tseng replied shakily, but as attractive as it was, he found himself a little hesitant. "But Rufus..."

"He isn't here and he'll never know. We want to give you pleasure, and you need it right now. Nothing more, nothing less," Reno insisted, laying little kisses over Tseng's face.

Rude's hands squeezed a little on his hips, before moving up to his waist so Reno could pull Tseng's pants down. The air of the room was cold on his bared skin, and he bit his lip, unable to look away from Reno's captivating eyes.

"Is that alright with you, Tseng? To let us give you this?"

"Yes," Tseng whispered, and as Reno's fingers rose to unbutton his shirt, he found he could suddenly breathe easier. Bared completely between them, there was nothing left to hide.

Tseng lost time, the haze of pleasure and alcohol overwhelming his usually sharp senses. The next coherent thought found him in his bed, hovering above Reno's naked form, the youth's hair spread out like spilt blood around his beautiful face.

"I want... want to...," Tseng mumbled, frustrated at words that wouldn't come, frustrated at his inability to express this need that was everything in the moment.

"Then do it," Reno responded, a small smile curving his lips, eyes half open as he gazed back at Tseng. "This is for you, whatever you want. For once just take it, just do it, without any calculations or doubts. Stop thinking and just act."

Tseng licked his lips, nodding as he shuffled down the bed a little. He could smell Reno's arousal, musky and sweet and he wanted so much just to taste it... so he did. Starting with slow licks, he tasted every inch of the redhead's cock, fascinated at every twitch and jerk, every pulse and texture he could feel with his tongue. Reno hummed his approval, hands fisting in the sheets as he pressed up into Tseng's touch, fluid and sinful in every movement he made.

"Reno," Tseng murmured, pausing with the redhead's cock against his chin, wet and warm and wanting. "Put your hands in my hair. I want to feel how much you want me in every pull and push. I want you to take my mouth."

"Fuck," a voice sounded from behind, and even as Tseng registered it was Rude, he didn't look away from Reno's face, too caught up in the fear that maybe this was too much.

His apprehension disappeared a moment later when Reno's smile widened, his hands lifting to cup Tseng's face before his thin fingers slipped further back to twine through Tseng's hair. With an exhale of relief, Tseng smiled before taking the youth's cock in his mouth, suckling the head and tracing every contour with his tongue.

"Tseng," Reno hissed, grip tightening in the older man's hair. Tseng let him lead, his own hands only supporting his weight as Reno began to slowly push up, gasping as his cock went a little deeper with each thrust.

The sudden feel of warm hands on his ass made Tseng moan around the redhead's cock, Rude's touch soft but confident as strong fingers started kneading his rump. Tseng pushed his ass up into that touch, wanting more and for once, not afraid to show that need.

"Such a pretty little ass," Rude said softly, leaning in to kiss Tseng's tailbone, giving a little lick. "Already wanting it so much, but you have to want it more."

The sudden sensation of hot wet tongue at the top of the cleft of Tseng's ass made the Head Turk suck in a sudden breath through his nose, eyes widening as they looked up at Reno. Then those big hands spread his cheeks wide, Rude's tongue traveling downwards as Tseng found himself whimpering, ass pushing up higher to try and get that sensation where he wanted it the most.

"So needy," Rude breathed over his entrance, voice a deep rumble that Tseng could almost feel under his skin.

The accusation made Tseng squeeze his eyes closed, shamed but far too aroused to object. There was one lick, then more, slow and casual as Tseng wriggled his hips, making far too much noise for one with a mouth full of cock. Reno's thrusts stopped, his hands fisting tight in Tseng's hair as if to keep him in place, but Tseng was too lost to wonder why. Just when Tseng thought he would go mad from the teasing, Rude's tongue pushed against his entrance, forcing it's way just inside as Tseng whined shamelessly and sucked as hard as he could.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!" Reno exclaimed, his hands pulling Tseng's hair as if to force his mouth away.

Tseng refused to budge, his attempts to try and mute his own sounds of pleasure superseding everything else around him in the moment. Reno's orgasm caught him by surprise, his mind too distracted by Rude's wicked tongue to correctly comprehend the signs of its approach. Reno thrust forward just once, deeply enough to choke as he climaxed with a shout.

When Tseng's hair was finally released, he pulled away, sucking in a few breaths and coughing... but still Rude continued to tongue fuck him, either unconcerned or unaware. He felt Reno slip out from beneath him and there was a moment of desertion before the sudden touch of gentle hands and something soft, wiping the mess of saliva and come from his face.

"Shit, sorry," Reno whispered, laying kisses over his heated face, voice full of concern.

Tseng tried to find words to reassure, but then Rude replaced his tongue with fingers, pushing deep and making Tseng moan shamelessly... too hot and too good.

For a time Tseng lost all sense again. When he regained enough coherency to open his eyes, he found himself kneeling upright on the bed, Reno mirroring his position and gazing at him from only inches away.

"You okay?" the redhead asked, eyes bright and expression full of affection that tugged at Tseng's heart. He could only nod, leaning in to kiss Reno's lips, his arousal an intoxication that he didn't seem to be able to break free of.

Reno's kiss was slow and comforting, and Tseng felt so relaxed in the moment that he didn't even flinch when Rude's hands returned to his hips, firm and strong. As much as Tseng wanted to keep kissing Reno, there was one thing that he wanted more, and as Reno pulled away from him, Tseng saw in his expression that Reno understood.

Turning in place, Tseng finally faced Rude. The other Turk was on his knees too, but resting his bottom back on his feet, relaxed and confident in his naked pose. Tseng's eyes swept over him, taking in every curve and dip, his tongue coming out to lick his lips in an unconscious sign of appreciation.

"Gorgeous, ain't he?" Reno purred, pressing up against Tseng's back and resting his chin on Tseng's shoulder.

"Exquisite," Tseng managed to whisper, earning a chuckle from the redhead by his ear.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Reno added, laying a last kiss to Tseng's shoulder before he backed away.

Tseng couldn't look away, caught in Rude's intense gaze as he fought down his fear of the unknown. Rude didn't make any further moves, patient and welcoming as he waited for Tseng to wrap his thoughts around the situation.

But Tseng was tired of thinking... tired of being afraid of what he didn't know and couldn't control.

Placing his hands on either side of Rude's face, he leant in and kissed him chastely, getting a hum of approval that bolstered his courage. Eyes fluttering closed, his tongue licked along Rude's mouth until it opened for him and he tentatively slipped inside, searching for that appendage that had already gifted him so much pleasure. When he found it, the first touch sent a jolt of arousal through him that he hadn't expected. The whimper was reflex, but he didn't have time to feel embarrassed by it as Rude growled deeply and grabbed him by the hips, pulling him forward until he was straddling the larger man's thighs, lost in an overwhelmingly dominate kiss.

It'd been so long since Tseng had been dominated, since anyone had made him feel so powerless in their arms. He melted into the embrace, adoring the sensation of being at another's mercy, all responsibility and accountability falling away. When he was lifted and felt Rude's cock come to rest against his entrance, Tseng felt a moment of panic that had him freezing up suddenly. It took him a moment to register that Rude had stopped, holding him in place but not entering him, and he opened his eyes to gaze at the other's expressionless face.

He opened his mouth to apologize, to explain that he just needed a moment to align his thoughts, but he never got the chance. Rude pushed into him slowly and Tseng's body welcomed him, well prepared and eager, even if Tseng's mind had paused to doubt. The feeling was so intense that Tseng could only gasp, head tilting back and back arching as he was filled as he never had been before.

Sephiroth had always been one for a quick entry but this so was very different. It was almost painfully intense, too much pleasure drawn out too long. By the time Rude was fully seated inside of him, Tseng was a boneless mess, draped around the larger man and clinging to him, wanting to move with no strength left to do so. The hum by Tseng's ear was rich and deep, making him cling tighter, fingers digging into hard muscle. He felt his inner walls twitch around Rude's cock, body ready for more.

Holding Tseng against him, Rude's hips began to draw back and push forward shallowly at first, but it was enough to draw a sound from the Head Turk's stubborn mouth, the moan soft but no more intense for it's lack of volume. As the thrusts lengthened, so did the noises Tseng couldn't hold back, and although his face burned with the shame of it, he could not silence himself. It was like being a puppet, controlled by strings of pleasure that held firm and tied Tseng's will to every movement.

Time became a blur of trying to breath past the pleasure that overwhelmed him, the sounds of sex carnal and too loud in his ears. His own moans took on a desperate edge as Rude sped up the pace, nearing his completion and dragging Tseng with him. It felt like it would never end, as if he would be here forever, body nothing more than a bundle of nerves that only had one purpose... to feel unending bliss and be the conduit that passed it on.

Eventually, Tseng peaked, still clinging to Rude so tightly that he was sure his fingernails drew blood, the sound of his own strangled voice too loud in his own ears. Rude didn't stop, didn't even loose the beat as he continued to thrust into Tseng's spent body until he too slipped into orgasm, only giving a gasp as he filled the older man's body with his seed.

For a time, Tseng lost himself again. When he gained enough sense to be aware, he was tucked into his bed, clean and surrounded by two warm bodies. He didn't have the energy to argue as he was soothed back to sleep, Rude a comforting, secure presence behind him as Reno petted his hair, acting as his personal pillow.

Tseng didn't even think of Rufus once before he slipped into a dreamless slumber.

***.***

In another room of the Shinra tower, Rufus Shinra sat motionless watching the screen before him. His face held no expression, and he seemed unaffected by what he'd just seen... except that if one looked closely, they would notice the trembling of his perfectly manicured hands as they gripped the arms of his chair too tightly.

The Turks had taught him how to hold his emotions inside, fight them down and show nothing and this was just another lesson... one he'd seen coming.

But he hadn't anticipated how much it would hurt.

***.***


	19. S : Sacrosanct

19

* * *

><p><strong>Characters<strong> – Tseng, Rufus, Reno

**Warnings** – Sex, angst, swearing

**Timeline** – Two weeks after the plate drops on sector 7

**Summary** – Tseng pays the price for his infidelity

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><p>Midgar late at night, from the upper floors of the Shinra tower, is a sight to behold. One could imagine the world has been inverted, with the black smog filled sky above, and the glittering field of city lights below. It looks as if the sky has fallen and as Tseng stands gazing out over it, he tries to stop his spirits from doing the same.<p>

It has been two weeks since the sector seven plate dropped. The fires are out and the rescue teams have stopped searching for survivors. Luckily, Tseng's apartment looks over the opposite side of Midgar, so his view is clear of the destruction, allowing the memory of their involvement to fade.

What happened later that same day is a different story, and it is what Tseng struggles to forget. Reno and Rude pulled him apart and put him back together so expertly and he can't help but wonder why, especially when it comes to Rude, but he knows it's a question he will never ask.

Better to pretend it never happened, for all their sakes. Blame it on the alcohol and let it all fall away like autumn leaves, beautiful, but a thing of the past that's usefulness is complete.

Hopefully, that is not what he's become to Rufus.

The blond has been avoiding him completely since the incident in his office. Tseng knows he has nobody but himself to blame for Rufus' desertion, especially since he insulted the blond and angered him on purpose... with no provocation to hide behind.

Tseng would apologize, but shame holds his tongue hostage, especially when he can't even explain to himself why he did such a thing. These waves of masochism are not healthy, and while he understands, at some level, where they originate from, Tseng has no idea how to wrestle them under control when they overtake him.

Staying up all night to wallow in his mistake is not going to help though, especially when he has a full day of work tomorrow. With a sigh of disgust at his failure to yet again think of a solution, Tseng closes the blinds and retreats to his bed, eyes falling closed on what will hopefully be a dreamless sleep.

***.***

It is still dark when Tseng awakens, but he can tell just by scent who it is hovering over him, watching his arrival into consciousness. He can't help but frown in confusion as to why Rufus is in his apartment in the middle of the night, and his expression only darkens as he realizes his arms are restrained above his head.

"Rufus? What are you doing?" Tseng asks, his voice rough with the remnants of sleep he is slowly shaking off.

"What you wanted," the blond replies, but his voice is strained and off center, something Tseng has never heard before. It sets off alarms in Tseng's mind that bring him awake instantly, as he tries to calculate what mess he's ended up in this time.

"I only want you... how doesn't matter," he manages, trying to get his vision to focus on Rufus' expression. There is a little light creeping in through the closed blinds, but the blond has his back to the illumination, leaving his face a mystery while Tseng's is revealed in the soft glow.

"If only that were true."

The words are only a whisper and Tseng pulls at his bonds, the urge to touch too much with all the ache he hears in Rufus' tone.

"Release me. Let me show you?" Tseng implores, but he can see the blond hair shaking in the negative before his sentence is even complete. "Rufus, don't assume. There is no one way it has to be between us. I know I'm not good with words, but the way I feel about you is not a lie."

"I've never judged you by your words," Rufus murmurs, hands too gentle as they trace the lines of Tseng's face. "If I had, you would not be here today."

The older man freezes in place, eyes fluttering at the gentle touches he's longed for from Rufus... even if they are displaced within the veiled threat. Then the blond's hands shift down, as if Rufus is trying to memorize his whole body simply by touch, no inch of skin left forgotten as Tseng trembles under the intensity. By the time those questing digits reach the older man's cock, he is already hard, skin warmed by the heat of arousal that has taken over his whole body.

"So very beautiful... too beautiful," Rufus murmurs before shifting his weight off Tseng and leaving the Turk's pulse to quicken in panic for a moment at the bereavement of body heat.

Then suddenly there is warm wetness surrounding his erection and Tseng's thoughts grind to a halt. Time loses it's coherency in the mix of suction and heat, and even when he feels Rufus' fingers enter him, all Tseng can do is open his legs and let the youth in. The danger his senses prickle with is not enough to override the overwhelming pleasure of finally getting from the blond what he's wanted for so long. He is pushed to the edge of climax before all touch disappears again, and it is too much in the moment, too intense when his heart is so entwined with every movement.

"Rufus? Please, more...," he gasps, teeth biting down on his bottom lip in an attempt to halt any further begging as he arches his neck to try and place the blond in the room, his own breaths too loud to find his lover by sound.

Then Rufus is there, over him, lips taking his own in a kiss that is bruising in its intensity, claiming and inarguably owning him in every way. Rufus' skin is silken soft as it covers him, hot and as wanting as his own... but there is an inexperience in his movements that pulls at Tseng's heart, makes it even more intense as Rufus muddles his first thrust and has to reach a hand down to align himself again. Curse words are muttered into the side of Tseng's neck and he can feel the heat of Rufus' blush as he turns and kisses whatever he can reach, the burning skin of the blond hot under his own questing lips.

Then everything suddenly aligns and Rufus is inside of him, slowly pushing forward as he gasps into Tseng's ear. All the head Turk can think is that he would give his whole world to be able to wrap his arms around the youth and hold him as they become one, every thrust making him test his bonds... but the ties hold fast.

In the end, it doesn't last long, but it is more than enough for Tseng to reach his climax, followed by the youth only a few moments later. Rufus collapses over him, a shaking mess of spent intent and Tseng pulls at his restraints again, the need to embrace the youth a physical pain in his chest that is only getting stronger.

"Untie me so I can hold you," Tseng manages through his own panting, chin rubbing the top of the youth's head to try and get his attention. "Rue, please?"

"Rue?"

The mumbled word is breathed onto his chest and for a moment Tseng almost apologizes for it. After all, Rufus isn't the kind of man to take to pet names, so concerned with being seen as more adult than his years attest to. But Tseng is too relaxed in afterglow to take it back, too relieved and thrilled and happy in the moment. Rufus is here, with him... and the youth has switched their usual roles, as Tseng had requested. It is like a dream come true and Tseng is going to enjoy it, even if it kills him.

"Yes. My Rue," Tseng murmurs with a contented sigh.

His bliss dissipates instantly as Rufus jerks away, pulling out of him too quickly and making him hiss in discomfort. There is a wave of sound and movement and then the darkened form of Tseng's lover disappears out the door and silence falls over him, condemning in its completeness.

Tseng is still staring wide eyed at the bedroom door when he suddenly realizes his error.

_My Rue... my regret..._

"Rufus!" he calls, but the sound of the front door opening and slamming closed tells him his pleas will not be heard. Instead he swears into the dark, cursing himself and his stupidity and it is only when his phone rings, flashing it's little light from it's perch on his bedside table, that Tseng remembers he is still tied to the bed.

***.***

The overhead light is too bright when it flicks on, and Tseng has to close his eyes, face burning with the shame of his predicament.

"Well, ain't you a sight," Reno drawls, chuckling as he moves closer.

Tseng manages to open his eyes enough to watch as the redhead sits down beside him, expression all amusement as a hand reaches up to brush the hair from his face.

"Just untie me," Tseng mutters, looking towards the door with relief as he realizes nobody else is here to see his shame.

"Yeah, yeah," Reno mutters as he reaches up and makes quick work of the bonds, helping to bring Tseng's deadened limbs back down to a more comfortable position.

When Tseng tries to clumsily tug up the blankets to cover his nakedness, Reno takes over and does it for him, giving him back a little self respect. For a moment, they just look at each other... and it is Reno who bends first, glancing away.

"So, what brought this on?"

"He thought I wanted to be the receiver," Tseng mumbles, fingers twitching as the blood begins to flow freely once more.

"Well, ya did, didn't ya?" Reno replies, leaning back on one arm so he can watch Tseng scowl at his words. "Stop pouting and tell me how it was."

Tseng sighs, closing his eyes as he remembers.

"Wonderful," he finally whispers, not even realizing he is smiling until Reno begins to laugh again.

"So how did 'wonderful' end up with you left tied up alone?" the redhead asks, slipping back further to lie with his head on Tseng's chest, legs still hanging off the side of the bed.

"I said something stupid," Tseng admits, one tingling hand lifting up to card through Reno's hair. The movement is calming... _Akin to patting a cat_, Tseng thinks to himself with a smirk.

"You two are so fucked up," Reno murmurs, eyes closing.

Tseng figures arguing about that fact is a mute point.

"Ya need to apologize," Reno continues, humming as he leans into the touch of Tseng's hand. "Why don't ya just send him some flowers? And one of those big, 'I'm sorry' balloons?"

Tseng chuckles at the thought, earning a grin from Reno that is all mischief.

"Sure, if I want Rufus to have me killed," he retorts, giving the red hair a playful tug. "You're no help at all."

"Hey, I did come and untie ya," Reno declares, winking mischievously before pulling away from Tseng to stand, stretching like the cat Tseng sometimes sees him to be.

"I'll think of some way to fix it," Tseng insists, to himself as much as to Reno. As he sits up, his eyes lazily trail up Reno's form, comforting in its familiarity. By the time he reaches the redhead's face, Reno is looking back, expression disturbingly serious.

"I believe in you."

Tseng nods, taken aback by Reno's sudden somberness as he watches the red head turn and leave the room. With a sigh, he shakes off his discontent before heading for the shower.

***.***

Another week drags by, and Tseng begins to work late into the evening every night in the hope that he can catch the blond on his way home and initiate a conversation... some kind of exchange of words where he can apologize for his latest mistake. Rufus has become an expert at avoidance though, and Tseng is starting to believe that all those lessons the Turks gave the blond are coming back to bite him in the ass at the worst possible time.

He'd laugh at the irony if he wasn't so desperate to make things right between them. That one taste of Rufus wasn't enough, and now his urge to be dominated has been quenched, Tseng can't stop thinking about taking the youth

The thought brings a scowl to his face as he internally berates himself yet again. Tseng is angry, furious at himself for ruining such a vulnerable moment with Rufus, especially after he's spent years waiting for it. He can still feel the ghostly remnants of Rufus' fingers on his body, as if they have branded the skin of his soul, and his heart aches at the possibility of never feeling them again.

"Quite a sight you are, frowning at my city. Not getting enough sex, by any chance?"

Tseng spins around in surprise to find Rufus over by the door, expression far too serious considering he's just managed to sneak up on the head Turk. Tseng would have guessed he'd be smug at least... especially after that line.

"Finally done with avoiding me?" Tseng asks, deciding to ignore Rufus' stab at his latest self inflicted wound. It had to be a lucky shot, as it wasn't like Rufus knew about Reno and Rude. They were still breathing, after all. Tseng sighs into the lengthening silence, looking past the youth to the closed door of his office, wondering absently how he hadn't heard the blond come in, or at least noticed the light from the hall when he entered the darkened office.

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been busy. Contrary to your beliefs, my world does not revolve around you," Rufus eventually murmurs, chin held high as he pulls off a nonchalant expression.

"Mores the pity," Tseng whispers, watching in his peripheral vision as Rufus' eyes flick up quickly to watch him, too wide in surprise.

Tseng's heart clenches with the sudden possibility that this is more serious than he'd predicted, but is it just Tseng's own guilt leading him to the conclusion he dreads? Keeping his eyes on the door, Tseng decides to test the waters by simply diving in.

"I wanted to apologize for how things ended last week. I didn't mean 'rue' in the way you obviously took it. I was just shortening your name... but I am sorry if I caused offence."

Rufus' laugh is brittle like ancient paper, crumbling through his lips and dissipating into the silence.

"Offence wouldn't be the correct word, one would think," the blond says softly as he walks over to stand next to Tseng and gaze out the window. "You are far too much like this damn city," he mutters cryptically, sighing before adding, "But that is not why I am here."

Tseng frowns, turning to watch Rufus watch his city like a spurned lover. The green light from the reactors give him a sickly glow, but to Tseng it only makes him seem more attractively untouchable, a perfect specimen of fragility that seems about to break. It is so tempting to just reach out and...

"I've come to inform you that I'm going away on a business trip. I'd like to request Elena accompany me. I'm not sure how long it will take, but I will not return for some time," Rufus says flatly, breaking the spell that had enthralled so easily.

"What? Why Elena and not me?" Tseng blurts out. His hand had been rising automatically to follow his previous thoughts, but now it falls back to his side... discarded and forgotten.

Rufus has noticed its retreat though, and his eyes flicker to the limb, watching it dangle beside Tseng as if he yearns for its previous course to complete.

"I can hardly take the head Turk's time so selfishly," Rufus replies stiffly. "Besides, you have other... _things_ that demand your attention."

Rufus' eyes slowly rise to meet his, and Tseng finds his breath stolen away by all that he reads in that gaze. The love he'd always yearned for is finally there, but instead of joy at its appearance, Tseng only feels a wave of crushing despair at how laced the emotion is with pain. Somehow, Rufus knows what he's done.

"I'm so sorry," Tseng whispers, managing to fight out the words past the strangling grip of his own insufficiency.

Rufus smiles, and it is the saddest expression Tseng has ever seen.

"Not as sorry as I am."

Rufus' reply is no more than a whisper, and as he turns to leave, Tseng takes a step forward to stop him, determined to somehow make this right.

The sudden trill of Tseng's phone makes him flinch, eyes moving down to his pocket where he quickly retrieves the device to stop the noise. When the silence returns the moment has already passed over... and he is left staring at Rufus' back, phone in hand and too many words on his tongue he can't find the strength to utter, as the blond walks away.

***.***

**PLEASE NOTE** - _This story will no longer be updated here on . If you wish to continue reading, please go to AO3. There are links on my profile here that will lead you to the right place. Sorry for the trouble, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time before this story gets taken down here._

_***.***_


End file.

Final Fantasy VII, Drama, Romance