Mass Effect Interspecies Awkwardness Thing, Indeed

**Originally posted for the Mass Effect kink meme on LiveJournal.**

**Prompt:** Garrus makes loud and obnoxious bird noises during sex

Sorry, I forgot to post this here when I posted to the MEkm.

**A/N**  
>When I saw this prompt I was reminded of the comic "When Ornithologists are Mutually Attracted"<br>(Just take out the spaces)  
>http :  .com/directory/uploads/af4e4f95-19f3-4df3-bd11-424269ae46cb/ornithologists%20no%20title . jpg

Moving along then...

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><p>Shepard rubbed her forehead. She looked up again, and Garrus was still there, bending down awkwardly in front of her, his head jerked upwards at a sharp angle. He looked up at her with an intensity that seemed…misplaced.<p>

"Is there something wrong?"

"N-no. Nothing wrong per se." Garrus cleared his throat. "It's just that I'm finding that I can't, um, well…_control_ myself around you."

Shepard grinned. "I never figured you one for the afternoon delight when you've got those weapons to calibrate. Meet me in my quarters in ten."

"Well, that's not exactly my problem, but it is…it is a part of it."

Garrus bent down and bobbed his head the other way. Slowly, he extended one foot out, rotating it at the ankles before slamming it down ball joint first. A slow whooping noise formed in his throat and his body shuddered as he raised his arms...

"Uh, Garrus?"

"Oh, sorry." He stood at attention, then shifted uncomfortably. "That's more what I was talking about."

"Is that a _courtship dance_?" Shepard asked.

"Well, to be specific it's no—err… Yes." He looked down awkwardly at the floor.

Shepard stifled a laugh behind a hand. "Don't worry about it. I'm flattered."

"You are?" He asked.

_Oh boy._ Mordin hadn't warned her at all about this—probably his idea of an inside joke, actually. But, she could handle a few odd moments of interspecies awkwardness, just for him.

Shepard reached for his hand. "I'm sure that humans do some things that you find odd, so it's okay. If this is something you need to do, Garrus, go ahead and do it."

"Really?" He looked taken aback.

"Yeah," she said. "Go wild."

Later, Shepard wondered if that was the wrong choice of words.

xXx

Shepard scooted to the far corner of the desk. The right side was now filled up with dark green colored objects. There were polished stones, ribbons, buttons, shreds of paper, and even a small child's toy that looked somewhat like a frog, but the head had been bitten off. She heard a knock at the entrance to her room before the doors slid open.

There was Garrus…with a mouthful of bright green feathers. Upon seeing Shepard he dashed into the room, spun around in a circle and galloped up to the desk, making the most piercing screech she had ever heard in her life. He laid the feathers neatly down on the pile, so that a few stuck straight up, and others lay in a rather ornate circle of quills.

She shook her head, the noise still echoing in her head. "I'm awake now."

"Sorry," he said.

Then, she saw him do the same movements she had seen him do yesterday, his head bowed to her, one leg out.

_Thunk_ went his heavy boot on the floor. He leaned the other way, focusing her in a single eye, and lifted the other leg. _Thunk._

"So…what do you think?" he said.

Shepard's brows knit together. "About what?"

"You know..." Garrus gestured to the desk with a nod. "about my _collection_."

He had to be kidding. _Right?_

He thrust his chest forward, proud. "It's the best collection I've ever made for anyone. I mean, the variety of shapes, and the textures—"

She gulped, but still smiled. "It's…perfect." _One step at a time. _"I've never had anyone make me something so unique, so…personal."

"People always told me I've got style, but you're quite an inspiration, Shepard." Garrus beamed.

xXx

With the journey through the Omega 4 Relay drawing near, Shepard was happy for the easy night. After all, Garrus seemed to relax after drinking some wine, and there appeared to be no traces of courtship dances or anything else.

"I was able to do some research, and I have some ideas."

"How about you lead me through them." Shepard whispered in his ear.

"Oh? Don't you have any of your own?"

She stared into the blue of his eyes, hoping. "It's not that I don't care, but I've been so busy getting ready to fight that I haven't been able to watch some of the vids that I've downloaded."

"I think I've watched enough for the both of us," Garrus chuckled. "I think I've got this, Shepard. If not, then we'll figure it out together."

Shepard put her arms around his neck. He cradled her, picking her up gently and hugging her to his chest. She kissed the side of his face as he carried her to the bed at last.

xXx

_SCREEECH! _

The sound echoed through the vents of the Normandy.

"What on earth was that noise?" Miranda ran up to the bridge. "I already can't sleep because of the mission tomorrow." She threw up her hands. "Just what I needed, a failure on the biofilter and some sort of—I don't know—supersonic space eagle getting in."

"I'm not sure what it is," said Jacob. "But I'm pretty confident that it's coming from the direction of the Captain's cabin…and I'm not sure what to imply from that."

_SCRAAAAAW!_

"Oh my," said Kelly, biting a lip. "_Somebody'_s enjoying himself. Go Shepard!"

"Wait, what?" Said Miranda.

The doors to the tech lab hissed open.

"Unforeseen." Said Mordin. "Didn't peg as screamer. Moaner, maybe. " He breathed in. "Should have checked genome or at least warned Shepard of possibility."

"You mean to tell me that what we're hearing is Garrus?" Jacob choked.

Mordin blinked. "Well, yes. Screaming is recessive stereotyped behavior in turians. Highly prized, rather rare, if ostentatious."

"In the meantime, temporary solution." Mordin produced a bag of earplugs. "These for the crew. Distribute downstairs."

Kelly accepted the bag from him and cheerfully went to assuage the confusion of the crew on the lower decks.

_CAW! CAW!_

"Suddenly very glad of salarian mating behaviors," said Mordin. He took out a pair of darker earplugs. "Industrial strength. Must give to Shepard. Will work on permanent solution later."

Mordin entered the elevator and took it up to the Captain's floor.

_SCREEEE!_

Miranda listened to the hum of the elevator until it stopped. "Oh, because this wasn't awkward enough already."

Interspecies awkwardness thing, indeed.


End file.

Mass Effect, Humor, Romance