Final Fantasy XIII Don't you love the Final Fantasy 13 Cronicles?

**Yes, I know this Story will contain the following: Randomness of FF 13 Characters, Food fighting *LOL*, Out of character moments (OOCs), , Love confessions that are so stupid you might want to kill yourself after the first word, Craziness that extends out of this world, and just HELLISH NIGHTMARES!!!!! *Laughs* **

**I always wanted to make a FanFic about FF 13, Versus, and soon-to-be Agito. I got the idea when I was reading a really funny story! I hope this would tickle the stomachs of my great reviewers and fans. I hope you guys like this! *trumpets are heard in the back-round* Let's go!**

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**_What do you get when you cross a Bitch with a kick ass sword?_

Stella looked at Lighting with a grimace,"Who the hell are you?" Lightning smirked,"I'm Lightning? You?" Stella braced herself and gripped her rapier with tight hands,"I'm the main heroine in Final Fantasy 13 Versus. You're not suppose to be HERE!" She swung at Lightning, who jumped out of the way.

_'Well, I know she's going to be one of those characters who kill the crap of the main hero. God, damn divas.' _Lightning thought, rolling her eyes. She landed a few feet away from Stella, who's pretty face was ugly in jealously. Lighting's strawberry hair was on her shoulders,"So what if I'm not suppose to be here. It makes the story more fun....I guess." She shrugged. Stella was not amused. She and Lightning charged at each other with great speed.

Noctis sighed, he knew that he would be in the middle of this....and he hated it. "Will you guys stop fighting? You guys are giving me a headache." He rubbed his head, he was a ruler of his own kingdom for God's sake. He didn't need enemies, or any stupid women getting in the way. Now he had this cat-fight......'_Damn them. I can't take this any more.'_ He walked away as the clashing of weapons began.

Snow was at the side lines watching them fight. He chuckled,"Well," he said,"I wonder who's going out of this one?" Out of nowhere a light-haired man was next to him, taking pictures. (**WTF?! Pervy Laris**.....) "God, this is so damn priceless! Marcus! Are you seeing this?!" The man called Marcus came casually walking, avoiding the fight from afar.

He nodded, then took out money,"So, who are you rooting for?" Laris immediately chose Stella,"Cuz she's hot babe." He said with a strange smile. Snow took out money from his white vest pocket and chose Lighting. Why? "She'll kick my ass if I didn't bet on her." The burly man counted the money to see if it was the right amount, then nodded his head and put the bettin' money in his pocket.

Shots, screams, shouts, and curse words were uttered by the women as they made havoc among the battle field. Stella used a bit of her magic that was then released from her Rapier with a mighty swing; she hit Lighting directly, who had a split second to react. The strong woman spun around and replaced her blade with her gun and shot Stella.

**Bang! Bang! **Stella saw the bullets and quickly ran to the other side and jumped on the side of the wall and was now over Lighting, giving her the bird-point advantage. The women didn't notice the men cheering them on, least of all betting on them. (**Idiots, I'm tellin' ya**)

The men laughed as Lightning was hit by Stella straight in the face, with the exclamations of "Oohhh! Damn!" and "Holy shit!" and "Dammit Lighting....." Then Laris began talking,"Hey, I have a joke. Do you guys want to hear?" They nodded. In front of them, Lightning got her footing back and cursed,"Man, you are a bitch you know that?"

Stella smiled triumphantly,"Hahaha? Really? I never knew." She was met with a fist full of Lighting. "Ooff!" She slid on the ground with a bloodied lip. She wiped the blood off, ran and kicked Lightning in the stomach. Lightning clutched her stomach with an injured face. "Tsk. I hope you don't treat other women like this." She used her magic and sent it straight to her feet, that gave her a boost in speed.

Before Stella could blink, Lightning tackled her to the ground, hard. The force of it made a crater that surrounded them. "God, your a freaking bitch!" Lighting slapped Stella several times. It was a girly attempt, but then again....they were women after all.

Stella grabbed the woman's light red hair and pulled it _hard_. Screams, shrieks, and grunts came from the two. "Okay, what do you get when you cross a Bitch with a kick ass sword?" Laris smiled and waited for their answer. Snow answered," A fight?" He glanced at them and his eyes widened. "Ohholyshit....LIGHTING! STOP!" He wanted to stop them...but something pulled him back....an instinct...a man's instinct.

Marcus soon answered,"Stella PSMing?" (**Freaking bastards**) He began laughing as he saw them on the ground, fighting like drama queen teens. Laris shook his head,"A jealous bitch that can kick your ass any day." (**LOL?**) This produced a soundly laughter from Laris and Snow and Marcus.

Blood was scattered everywhere. The two women kicked, scratched, bit, and hit each other. It was a sight for the men that were watching the spectacle. It _excited _them. It was a bit strange, how a man could get turned on when 2 (**hot**) women fought. Very strange.

"God, you just won't die will you?!" Lighting hit her in the stomach, she coughed and kicked Lighting off of her. They both panted and caught their breath. Lighting had blood on her face, a black eye, and bruises on her arms. Stella wasn't a perfect women with flawless skin anymore. She had scratches on her face, blood on her hands, and her finger nails were full of bloodied skin and dirt.

They both stood up, and glared at each other. Tension was rising, and it became a death match to the death. They made their hands into fist and charged at each other for the last time. The men at the sidelines watched them with intense glares, sweat became almost a producing water function as they wiped it away from their hands.

Stella and Lightning weren't going to last long, and they all knew it. This was the finishing blow, the last stand, the one who took all. (**Heroine or/and Noctis's girlfriend/wife for life XD**) Laris was muttering to himself,"Come on, come on Stella! I gave up 50 bucks for ya! I saw you in the trailers! You're better than that! Kick her mother-fucking ass!" (** What the F*****?!) Marcus nodded at his statement. Snow pursed his lips,"Light, beat Stella's ass. You can do it!"

Fists collided with faces, blood spurted out of each lip, pain was everywhere. They hit each other at exactly the same time, and then she fell down on the ground with a hard **Thud! **As the spectators watching a football game, the men held their breaths.

Then, one of them stood up, she was smiling. She had won. Marcus, Laris, and Snow gasped. The last one standing was.....

_Door-crack listeners can have fun too!  
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It was a just a bad day for Marcus, he got up late. Laris had the last bagel, and Noctis was mad at him for no apparent reason at all. The brown-haired man sighed. He was in his room, just thinking about things. What if he didn't meet Noctis? What if he wasn't his bodyguard? What if....

He shook his head and brushed away his thoughts. His coffee was on his table, to the left of him and he reached out for the cup and drank his hot coffee. It gave hin the usual start of the morning jolt that he needed. But he forgot his newspaper he needed to read for the latest news from the outside world. Being Noctis's bodyguard didn't give him a chance to explore what was happening in the country side.

He grunted as he stood up and walked out of his room. He passed empty rooms that needed really bad dusting, vases that weren't any use to anyone, and other nameless objects. As he passed Noctis's room, he heard a strange noise.

He stopped and went back. He leaned against the door and listened, and hoped that he didn't mishear it. His eyes widened, he didn't mishear it at all. That was Laris's voice! He covered his mouth from making any noise.

"Hahaha! H-Hey, Noctis. Stop that!" Laughter from Noctis. Marcus froze, he never heard Noctis laugh. **Never** in his whole entire life that his friend would ever do that. He didn't even think it was possible. No, it must be a mistake.

He leaned against the door again and heard his voice, smooth and sliky. "What? Are you sure you want it?" Laris muttered something under his breath. And then told Noctis with a stern voice,"Yes, I do. I want it. Now!" Marcus's face flushed,'_They couldn't be doing that. No, Laris wouldn't.....Noctis would never....._' He heard something he would haunt him and plague his dreams: a bed creaking.

Marcus's heart thumped loudly,"T-They aren't.....They aren't.....**gay**....are they?" He almost stopped breathing when he heard their voices again. "God, give it to me now Noctis!" Panting."Why? This might be fatal for you to be my bodyguard if you keep this up." Grunting from Noctis. More panting from Laris. "Ahhh.....Noctis....." Laris was whining....pleading....and Noctis was in control of everything.

Marcus was gulped, no way they are doing it. No way in hell. Only if hell freezes over. Oh, god. Please make this stop. Please, I don't want to hear anymore. His mind went into turbo mode. Would he or would he not open the door? If he did, then there might be no idea of what he might see. If he didn't, then he would be wondering for the rest of his life.

A voice piped up, a new one. Stella's! She spoke with a friendly voice,"Just give it to him Noctis! I'm the one _supervising_, you know." Marcus's jaw dropped,'_Stella's in there?! What? Why? She's watching them?!'_

This was insane, what the hell was going on in there? A threesome? A multiple foreplay? Then he head Noctis's voice again,"I know you want it too, Stella." He heard her chuckle,"Of course I want it. I'm just wondering why your giving it too Laris, when you should be giving it to me?"

More grunting and panting,"Come one Noctis! Damn you!" More bed creaking. Laughter from Stella, grunts of frustration from Noctis, panting from Laris. Marcus was shocked, what in the world was going on in there?! He looked at the doorknob which was tantalizingly in reach. He wondered, should he open it? Or not? He took a deep breath and opened it, bracing himself.

What he saw shocked him: Stella was against the wall, facing the two men on the bed. She giggled and turned her head towards the door,"Oh, hey Marcus." Marcus then looked at Laris and Noctis. Laris was on top of Noctis, out of breath apparently and panting to get a piece of paper that was in Noctis's out-stretched hand. Noctis smiled,"Laris? Do you want it?" He shook he paper in front of his friend.

Laris nodded vigorously,"Dammit Noctis! Yes! I do! Now give it to me!" He took a step back and tackled his friend. Noctis threw the paper to Marcus, who had enough wits to catch the paper. He looked at it and asked,"What is it?" Stella walked toward him, smiling."It's a magic spell to conjure up weapons. It's a powerful spell, but not as good as Noctis's." She took the piece of paper, now crumpled and ran out the door, shouting,"Laris! If you want it you have to catch me first!" Laris jumped off of Noctis, and ran out the door.

"Oi! Stella, come on! Give it to me! What the hell did I do?! God, just give it to me already!" Laris shouted in frustration. Marcus smiled with relief and glanced at the man who was straightening up his clothes. "I guess I shouldn't have told him that huh?" Noctis smiled and got up.

"So," He began,"Are you alright Marcus? You look sick." Marcus quickly covered up his expression of shock/gladness. He stuttered,"I-I'm fine Noc! I'm alright." He walked away slowly out of the room, and into the hallway. He sighed and shook his head,"Geezzz, they scared me half-to-death." He shivered and noticed that his hands were sweating like crazy.

Marcus cracked a nervous grin,"I must have been really scared, huh?" He spotted his newspaper on a table and grabbed it. As he walked back to his room, he stopped by Noctis's room for one final check. He heard nothing and saw his long-time friend reading with a bored face.

Marcus nodded and began walking to his room and then shivered about the nightmares he would have tonight.

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**Hahahaha! I was cracking up when I was writing this. I had to cover up my mouth to keep from waking up my sister! God! So what did you guys think? Oh, if you guys have any ideas, comments, or you just want to express your love to these set of stories/chapters, then be my guest! When I was writing Stella V.S. Lightning, I was wondering who would win. Hmmm.....who really won?**

**Anyways, don't you guys love those misunderstandings? I love them! I know you Yaoi-hard core fans love it too! LOL! I wonder if the Laris and Noctis thing will ever appear? That will only be in people's dreams, and in fan-fiction, and in . The side notes were just for fun! **

**Just for a straight-in-your-face-fact, I am a door-crack listener and I'm not ashamed....I was taught not to be anyway. BTW, I'm not a pervert, I'm nosy. Just nosy. Please review and just spread the love, spread it everywhere! SPREAD IT!! XD**

**P.S. Please join my discussion forum, it's so lonely without you guys talking about the game! I'm dying to know when I comes out in the States! *screams* JOIN MY FORUM OR DIE! *joking, joking***

**See-ya my fellow fanfics and happy reading/writing!**

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**You crazy and should-be-in-a-hospital- author,**

**Yuki Minamoto  
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Final Fantasy XIII, Humor