Harry Potter 1. Sod It All

_**Title: **__Sod It All_

_**Summary:** James Potter has a hero complex. Severus Snape has a martyr complex. Lily Evans is sick of them both._

_**Time frame:** right after the DADA O.W.L., when James messes with Snape to entertain Sirius and Snape calls Lily a Mudblood. Lily rushes back to the castle, deserting her dorm mates by the lake._

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><p><em>Sod it all,<em> she thought.

Sod James Potter and his stupid messy hair and his stupid Golden Snitch and his stupid arrogance and his stupid glasses and his stupid need for a show. Sod Severus Snape and his stupid temper and his stupid brain and his stupid Slytherin mates and his stupid tendency to throw their friendship out the window. And on that note, sod Sirius Black and his stupid haughtiness and his stupid need to be bored in the first place.

Sod Potter and his bloody hero complex. Who was he to come to her defense, after everything he'd done? And sod Severus again for his bloody _martyr_ complex. He always had to make sure she knew _it wasn't his fault; it was fucking Potter and Black!_ Nothing was _ever_ his fault. No, he had to be the victim, just like Potter had to be the hero.

_"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"_

_"Apologize to Evans!"_

_Sod it all,_ she thought again, but this time with a less strength behind her words and more tears in her eyes.

Lily Evans firmly believed she could handle anything on her own. She liked the company of friends, but she really thought if it came down to it, she could face life by herself. The only problem with that train of thought was that Severus wasn't just any old friend that she could replace. He had been her _best_ friend, even before she went to Hogwarts. He had helped her transition from the Muggle to the magical world. He told her everything he could about magic when they were little, trying to find ways to pass the time until September first, and he continued to stick by her throughout the years, despite the house rivalries. She had felt a rift growing between them for some time now— a rift that sometimes had a lot to do with a certain James Potter— and she definitely didn't approve of the gang he hung around, but she had always refused to let herself acknowledge that their time was coming to an end.

She heard footsteps and the rustling of robes coming from the end of the corridor. She had been so quick to rush off the school grounds that she hadn't checked to see if anyone had followed it. With her arms around her legs, her back against the wall, and her head on her knees, Lily growled, "If your name is Potter or Snape, you'd better turn around right now or I swear to Merlin I'll hex you into the next century."

"C'mon Lils, that's no way to treat your best friend." Marlene McKinnon's blonde head was even with her own, and Lily slightly relaxed. If anyone knew what to do in this situation, it was Marlene. "Dorcas and Mary are still by the lake doing damage control." She paused and rubbed Lily's arm. "Are you okay?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah, I... Severus was my best friend," Lily replied softly.

"I think he's just proved otherwise. Lily, the two of you haven't been the same since last year."

Lily wasn't paying attention. "He called me a Mudblood." Her voice was almost a whimper.

Marlene couldn't think of anything to say to that, so she put her arm around Lily's shoulder and sat with her on the floor of the deserted corridor. She pretended, for her friend's sake, that she didn't know Lily was a silent crier.

"Evans," cried a familiar male voice. James Potter rushed down the corridor and ignored the warning look Marlene shot his way. "Evans, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I hexed him." He sighed, ruffling his hair before rubbing the back of his neck. "But if it's all the same to you, he deserved it! He shouldn't have called you a Mudblood! I mean, c'mon Evans—"

"No, Potter, it's not all the same to me! So what if he called me a Mudblood? It was a low blow and Severus was acting like a coward. But you were just as bad!" shrieked Lily. "What was the point of starting that, anyways? Were you bored? And besides, I'm sure you only came to find _me_ once you were finished humiliating _him_!"

"Ah, Evans, you're not seriously defending him, are you? He just—" He cut off at the expressions on both girls' faces. Slightly fearful, James watched Evans warily as she whipped her wand out from the folds of her robes. Her other hand was clenched in a tight fist.

Lily was standing now, numb in fury. She had spent years knocking Potter's ego down a notch, but no matter what she said, it never stuck. "Leave me alone, Potter. Go back to your little friends and _leave me alone._"

James shared a final glance with McKinnon, hesitating.

"_Go._"

His shoulders slumped and he hurried out of her way. Once Potter was gone, Lily sank back onto the floor. She didn't bother being quiet this time; she sobbed with her head on Marlene's shoulder and her hands over her eyes.

"I've had it, Marlene. I give up. Why did I even bother? I knew he was in too deep with the Slytherin gang. I _knew_ he wasn't worth it, but I cared. And I still do! Why? It's not like he deserves it! He's such a prat! And Potter! Merlin, one of these days..." Lily was rambling, but she didn't know what else to do. She thought she could deal with this on her own when the time came, but ending an old friendship and fending off James Potter were two separate matters entirely, and one person couldn't do both and escape unscathed.

Marlene didn't know what to say. She had never approved of Lily's friendship with Snape, but it was Lily's life. "I think even though you saw it coming, there's no way to prepare for something like this. Listen, Lil, Snape's capable of making his own choices, but if those choices aren't in your better interest, I think that's that."

After a moment of silence, Lily groaned, "What's Potter gonna think, now that I haven't got Severus around as an excuse?"

Marlene laughed, relaxing against the wall. "I wouldn't worry. You'll come up with newer, more creative ways to reject James." She stood and brushed off the seat of her robes. She offered her hands to Lily. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."


	2. A Way With Flowers

_**Title: **__A Way With Flowers_

_**Summary: **__People are dying every day because of the war, but that doesn't mean it got any easier to deal with._

_**Time frame: **__During Lily and James' seventh year at Hogwarts, for they are already dating. They are almost done with school and are preparing to join the war. James' dad has just died._

_(Note: I know Mr. and Mrs. Potter died of an illness, but since I always liked the idea of James' father being an Auror with considerable authority, I thought I'd make his cause of death be from battle. But to keep up similarities, I made it a conspiracy where the _Daily Prophet_ covered up his death as natural. I figured if it couldn't be trusted with reporting the truth during the Second Wizarding War, then it likely had some discrepancies in the First as well.)_

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><p>The world beyond the walls of Hogwarts was growing steadily darker. A war had begun, and any moment of happiness seemed fleeting in comparison. Any lighthearted feeling was quickly shut out by the newest threat. People were dying every day and because of this war. It would get worse before it got better, and Lily Evans and James Potter knew that. They also knew that it could just as easily be them, especially once they leave school and join the Order. But that didn't stop each fatality from hurting.<p>

Their most recent loss hurt more than James could have ever imagined. He knew anyone could get killed out there, but he foolishly believed his father would always be there, fierce and imposing despite his old age, barking orders to his fellow Aurors. James half expected to return home to find him sitting at the table, _Daily Prophet_ in one hand and a mug of hot tea in the other.

The irony of the mental image struck him then, for it was the _Daily Prophet_ that reported his father's death was due to natural causes, when James knew for a fact that was not the case.

He had to accept it soon, though. This was war, and there was no time to waste. It didn't matter that he still had a couple months left at Hogwarts. He had to fight against the injustice that Voldemort and his supporters continued to spread around Europe. He and Lily were only eighteen, not yet out of Hogwarts, but they had seen things most people never saw in their lifetime. They hadn't even stepped on the real battlefield yet.

But for now, as Lily kept reminding him, it was okay to spend some time grieving. In fact, she _insisted_ he do just that.

It had been two days since the funeral. James was due back at school soon, but he decided to visit his father's grave once more before he left. Lily had volunteered to help him bring his things back to school, so he brought her along.

James wasn't a crier. He was standing, facing the grave with his jaw set. His skin was pale and his muscles tense, and Lily felt especially useless just standing at his side as he mourned for the death of his father. She had only met Mr. Potter twice before, the first time over the previous summer and then more recently when he visited Hogwarts for a Quidditch match. He had reminded her of her own deceased father, quiet but genuine and wise, with a sharp wit. He had reminded her of James, too.

She also didn't think of herself as the most consoling person. She never felt like she said the right thing to comfort someone in mourning. With James, however, that wasn't the case. He didn't ask for her to say anything to him, nor did he expect her to. He just needed her there. Nevertheless, Lily tried to be as supportive as possible. He clung to her hand, so she gripped his in return. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm, repeatedly planting soothing kisses on his shoulder.

They stood in silence for a long while, until James coughed and pushed his glasses further up along the bridge of his nose. "Okay," he said, his throat sore and his voice gravelly. "Let's go."

"Hold on," replied Lily, an idea suddenly forming in her head. She swiftly pulled her wand out of her pocket.

Lily had always had a way with flowers. She never knew why, though she supposed it could have something to do with the amount of control she had over her magic before she entered Hogwarts. She was always manipulating flower petals to entertain Petunia and Severus, before her sister decided she was a freak. Then more recently, Alice and Frank got married. There was a mishap with Alice's bouquet, so Lily changed the color, scent, and types of flowers to better suit her. She loved flowers, so seemingly fragile but always popping up to show beauty in the least expected places. And, she supposed, it didn't hurt that her name was Lily.

She drew a circle in the air with her wand, producing a wreath of flowers. They were white and gold, interwoven with deep green leaves. They looked impressive—regal, even—and she thought they represented Mr. Potter's character quite well, and though she didn't know it, James was thinking the same thing.

He very much appreciated her support, and to convey this, he squeezed her hand and sent her a warm smile. Lily relaxed slightly at the sight of this smile. James' face had been stoic recently, hardly betraying any emotion, though she knew he was hurting. His smile, though admittedly not as wide as she had become accustomed to—completely acceptable, given the circumstances—sent a jolt through her body, and she thought she felt her stomach flip.

"Quite fitting, don't you think?" Lily asked lightly, flashing a bright smile of her own. James nodded, and she felt a special warmth all the way down to her toes.

"C'mon," he said with a sigh, tugging her along as he turned to walk. "Mum told Dumbledore I'd floo back by lunch. We should get going."

Lily hummed in agreement, and together they headed back.

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><p>He'd been doing well, Lily thought, all things considered. She would know, after all, having lost her own father in the previous year. She supposed, though, that James' situation was a tad different from hers. He had always insisted that he was more prepared to lose his parents than most—well, as prepared as one could ever be—because they were older, whereas when she lost her dad, it was completely unexpected. A middle-aged man dying of a heart attack wasn't quite the same as a much older man dying due to his difficult, dangerous job, she reasoned, but still. And yes, James had said he wasn't completely shocked his father's life had ended the way it had, but really, can anyone ever <em>actually<em> prepare themselves for the death of a loved one? Lily Evans didn't believe so. She believed James was suffering more than he let on.

But really, he'd been doing pretty well. When Lily lost her dad, she'd been a mess, and an ugly one at that. She threw herself into her studies to avoid dealing with anything else, until she just snapped. That was part of the reason she had warmed up to James in the first place, her snapping, because he had known just what to do—sit there and listen. It was ironic, if Lily thought about it, because James Potter was not one really known for listening, but that's what he'd done and that's what she'd needed. James, she knew, was not the type to rashly throw himself into any of his responsibilities—though he did have quite a few more this year, being Head Boy _and_ Quidditch Captain—but Lily knew he needed time, and she really did think he'd be okay. He said he was now, of course, but she didn't believe him and she knew the rest of the Marauders didn't either. But that was okay, because he had her and the boys, and they would try to do whatever it was he needed them to, just like he'd done for her.

They were in the Heads office, finishing a few reports and tallying up House points, when James looked at Lily and said, "Hey."

Lily jumped. They hadn't spoken for almost an hour, completely focused on their tasks, and his voice sounded a lot louder when she'd been sitting in silence for so long. She looked up at him with a curious expression. "Hey," she replied.

"I'm hungry."

She rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to the piece of parchment in her hand. "You're always hungry."

"Let's go to the kitchens, then, yeah?"

Lily glanced back at him as he spoke. His grin was lopsided, and her heartbeat sped up the tiniest bit. "It's after curfew," she began, but James shot her down.

"And we're Head Boy and Girl. Come on, Lils. We'll have the house-elves make some chips, and you can dip them in a milkshake or something."

If Lily was honest with herself, she hadn't really planned to put up much of a fight in the first place. And the idea of some chips was slightly tempting… "Fine," she said, and James' grin widened. "But only if it's a chocolate milkshake, and only if you agree to do the rest of these tomorrow."

James' groan at the prospect of work was a forced one, she knew, and for a moment she marveled at how much the two of them had changed. She looked at him for a long moment after she stood up to put the papers away.

"What?" he asked, taking notice of her staring.

Lily shook her head. "It's nothing. Let's go then, and I might just let you steal some of my chips."

"It's not stealing if you _let_ me," James replied easily, and Lily laughed. He tugged at her fingers before intertwining them with his own, and led the way to the kitchens.

The two of them had certainly changed, she thought, and it was horrible that they had to lose so many people in the process, but sometimes they could just bear the dark of the world around them if there was enough light shining through. And though Lily Evans and James Potter were both fatherless, and though Lily still had a temper, and though James didn't always think before he acted, they certainly had light in their lives. They had each other, they had true friends, and they had a reason to fight for their lives.


End file.

Harry Potter