Harry Potter 1. Miracously Hot Potter

Title: Wanting Harry Potter

Rating: PG-13

Authors: Iris Kravitz and Roslyn Knight

Summary: After Harry has an adventure on Privet Drive and his appearance changes for the better, everyone suddenly wants Harry Potter. What's a boy to do when everyone around him is turning gay? Why, flirt of course.

Authors note: First off, any Slash-phobics can get user friendly with the back button. Not meaning to be ultimately rude, but there is warning in the summary and writing is an individual preference kind of thing, so what we like may not appeal to others. Besides with society heading in such a positive direction towards homosexuals, we just had to take advantage.

Any way, no offence, but we really are busy between school and writing this so, yeah. Besides, it's extremely amusing to manipulate gay characters, especially when there in denial. He he. 

Also, because there's two of us, mistakes are going to, hopefully, be a rare occurrence. If you do happen to come across a mistake, email us and we'll get on to fixing everything. By the by, sorry for killing Snape's wonderful character, but sacrifices had to be made!

Be warned: extreme OOC-ness ahead

On with the story! Oh and R and R! (Just to be unbearably clichéd!)

Harry lay awake listening to his Uncle's snores. He idly pondered if Voldermort had taken up residence in Vernon's throat and used a 'Sonorous' spell ten time over in order to get such a horribly loud noise. This thought was cut short when Vernon heaved particularly loudly and Harry changed the magnification from ten to ten thousand.

The house wasn't as silent as it should have been; Harry suddenly realized when he heard a pan clatter to the floor and a mixture of cursing and laughing. Harry scooped his wand out from under his pillow and snuck out of the room, padding down the hall. He made it to the top of the stairs, looking down into the darkness and trying to catch a glimpse of whatever was making the noises.

"How do you think we're going to warn Po…? Oh screw this," there was a thump as someone dropped onto the couch.

"No Lucius…screw me," a deeper voice was heard and Harry's mouth dropped open in horror.

"Fuck, it should be illegal to be this hot,"

When he didn't hear anything for awhile, he took a few cautious steps down the stairs. Suddenly different, disturbing noises found their way to his ears. Making it to the bottom of the stairs, he was horrified to see a head of blonde peeking over the top of the couch. He heard a seductive moan from under the blonde. Harry let out a horrified squeal and fell backwards onto the stairs. The blonde jumped from the couch and Harry found himself face to face with Lucius Malfoy.

"Potter- I was just…. Uh… well….you see…" Lucius stuttered.

"What- are- you –doing-in-my –living room? Wait, what are you doing to my Uncle's couch!" Harry yelled in distress, his left eye twitching.

Suddenly, Severus Snape was standing behind Lucius, flushed and in his boxers.

"Aaaaarrrgggghhh! My eyes! They sting!" Harry cried. He took off his glasses and blinked. "Hey! I can see without my glasses!"

Lucius and Snape stared at Harry in shock. Lucius turned to Snape, his eyes wide and mouth open. Snape nodded at Lucius' hidden question.

"Potter has become miraculously hot,"

"Yes," Lucius agreed, inspecting Harry from behind "Very tight ass. Can't believe we missed it all these years. I mean… that's what I would think… _if _I were gay,' He laughed nervously and Harry gave him an incredulous look.

"If you _were_ gay. What do you mean: if you were gay? What do you call what you were doing with Snape on my Uncle's couch just then?" Snape was snickering in the back ground, watching Lucius squirm with apparent lust. Harry shot him a disgusted look.

"I'm just experimenting!" Lucius replied indignantly.

"It doesn't matter. Just…What are you doing here?" Harry glared fiercely, and without his glasses, Severus and Lucius shifted slightly under the intense green.

"Oh, yes. We were just coming to warn you of a Death Eater attack. Nothing big," Severus waved his hand casually.

A bang came from the door and Severus shot a locking charm at the handle.

"That will only hold the Death Eaters for awhile. We'll just make our escape. Don't worry, all you have to do is smile at them and they'll be reduced to drooling puddles of sap," Severus winked and wiggled his fingers "Tootles," Lucius gave a half attempt at glaring at Harry to regain his pride, but gave up after Severus' next comment.

"Now I see why Draco is always going on about Potter. He must have seen him without those dreadful glasses," Severus apparated and then Lucius followed, but not before pinching Harry's ass good bye.

"WHAT!" The Death Eaters on the other side of the door burst through after Harry's yelled exclamation. Five of them ran in, wands flailing. They suddenly froze as they caught side of Harry. Harry started trying to edge to the door when they didn't stop staring for awhile. One of the Death Eaters suddenly snapped out his stupor and leaned his arm against the wall, blocking the exit.

"Sooo, who might you be, hot stuff?" Harry shuddered at the lust in all the Death Eaters eyes and pressed his eyes tightly closed as the Death Eater leaned in, anticipating some kind of spell. Instead a wet tongue slithered its way into his mouth and began exploring it. Harry's eyes snapped wide in shock and he was surprised to discover that he enjoyed the sensation. Suddenly a scream interrupted the two and Harry brought his hand up and slapped the Death Eater.

"You bitch!" the Death Eater blinked in surprise and then his expression softened.

"Don't be mad,' the Death Eater swept Harry's hair lovingly out of his eyes. Suddenly, his eyes widened comically.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… shit," the Death Eater cursed "shit, shit, and shit. The Dark Lord is going to throw a fucking hissy fit."

"And why would that be?" Harry said, crossing his arms and tapping his foot.

"The dark lord has a rather…er…..unhealthy obsession with you."

"HE HAS A _CRUSH_ ON ME!"

"Oh, more than a crush, Potter, much more than a crush."

Harry shuddered in disgust. Suddenly, the Death Eater threw Harry over his shoulder, carrying him to the door. Harry began kicking and screaming in protest. He managed to see his uncle frothing at the mouth, his aunt's eyes were rolling madly, as large as saucers, and Dudley passed out on the floor. They had obviously seen the kiss; the Dursleys were extremely homophobic.

Suddenly the door burst open again, and Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley, Charlie Weasley, and Fleur Delacour rushed into the living room. Duels broke out all over the room, and Charlie and Fleur rushed to Harry's aid. The Death Eater spotted them coming and began rushing to the exit, Harry still kicking and screaming.

"Let go of my 'Arry, you ass'ole!" Fleur yelled. Charlie suddenly stopped running and grabbed Fleur's arm.

"What do you mean, _your_ Harry? He's mine!"

"Yours! Vat are you talking about? 'E is mine!"

"You French are so slutty!" (1)

"You racist bastard!" Fleur and Charlie started casting spells on each other. Suddenly Molly swooped in and cast a stunning spell on the Death Eater who was still holding Harry. Harry fell to the floor with the Death Eater on top of him.

Harry heard Charlie whining.

"Mum! I was supposed to save Harry!"

"Oh, and a great job you were doing of it, too! Fighting with your own side!"

The Death Eater's body was gently lifted off Harry, and he was lifted into a hug.

"Oh, Harry I was so worried!"

"So was I," Charlie chimed in, pushing his mother out of the way and hugging Harry while his hands slipped down Harry's back, squeezing his ass.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Harry cried, slapping Charlie's hands away.

"Oh for heavens sake, Charlie! Stop molesting the poor boy! He was just attacked; he doesn't need you doing it too!"

"Yez, Charlie!" Fleur purred smugly, hugging Harry, before sticking her hands up his shirt and stroking his chest. Harry screamed and fell back onto the couch, then screamed again and jumped off when he remembered what had been happening on it previously.

Everyone shot him curious looks, before Remus stepped forward.

"We're going to take you to another location in the remote countryside. You will be safe there and there will be suitable… supervision," Harry got the impression that Remus seemed to think the word supervision was not appropriate to the occasion.

"But why can't I just stay with the Dursleys?" Harry asked curiously. Not that he actually wanted to.

"Have you seen them lately," Tonks asked incredulously, pointing to the corner. Dudley was lying on the floor, taking huge laborious breathing eyes, wide and unseeing. He looked like he was on the urge of a heart attack. Aunt Petunia was staring at a fleck of drool on the floor with a horrified expression and Uncle Vernon was still frothing at the mouth.

"Oh." Harry replied upon seeing the Dursleys. Remus handed Harry a glue stick out of his pocket. Harry gave Remus a confused look as he accepted it.

"Portkey." Remus explained simply. Remus laid a finger on the glue stick and began to count down:

"Three… two…one."

The last thing Harry saw were Charlie, Fleur, Tonks, and Mrs. Weasley waving.

Remus and Harry appeared outside a huge mansion. Harry looked around the grounds in curiosity. There were lush rolling hills surrounding him and he almost forgot about the sheer chaos of his day, so amerced was he in the peacefulness. Until they made it to the front door.

The doors burst open and Harry came face to face with his deceased Godfather.

Heh heh!

(1) No offence if you're French, it's all in favor of the story. One of our friends speaks French and lived there for awhile. Besides, Fleur gives as good as she gets.


	2. Return of the Sirius

Title: Wanting Harry Potter

Rating: PG-13

Authors: Iris Kravitz and Roslyn Knight

Summary: After Harry has an adventure on Privet Drive and his appearance changes for the better, everyone suddenly wants Harry Potter. What's a boy to do when everyone around him is turning gay? Why, flirt of course.

Authors note: First off, any Slash-phobics can get user friendly with the back button because we have enough to do without going through some idiotic flames. Sounds harsh, but it's true

Any way, no offence, but we really are busy between school and writing this so, yeah. Anyway, it's extremely amusing to manipulate gay Characters, especially when there in denial. He he. 

Be warned: extreme OOC-ness ahead

On with the story!

Chapter 2

"Sirius… I thought you were dead," Harry gasped out, staring wide eyed at Sirius. Harry stared at his godfather in wonder and then his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He felt warm arms wrap around his chest and then no more.

Sirius watched in confusion as Draco Malfoy, arch nemesis of Harry Potter since the two of them lay eyes on each other, ran down the mansion steps with inhuman speed and caught the raven haired closet case. The blonde boy cradled the younger in his arms and swooped him into an embrace.

"Harry! If you can hear me, take your shirt off," Draco muttered and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Oh, get a life Malfoy," Remus rubbed his temples tiredly, getting ready for the inevitable conflict between the younger Malfoy and Sirius.

"I have one thank you very much," Draco sniffed indignantly "He's in my arms," Draco gazed softly at Harry and then lifted him up the stairs and through the large doors.

Harry woke up to blue eyes staring down at him. They were getting steadily closer when he heard the doors burst open.

"Okay, Malfoy, hold your horses." Sirius grabbed Draco from the back of his shirt collar and pulled him off Harry. He then turned to his Godson, "Welcome to Playgirl mansion."

"Huh?" Harry grunted, in confusion, sitting up on the huge bed.

"Stop confusing the poor boy." Remus chided, carrying a tray of tea and placing it on the bedside table. Draco scowled fiercely at the two older men. Harry shot him a confused look. Then he turned to Sirius. "I thought you died?"

"No…I just went on vacation," Sirius was in a very perky mood, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"In the middle of a battle?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Yeah well, I was stressed and that was the last straw," Sirius replied indignantly. Harry raised his eyebrows, and shrugged.

"So, where did you go?' Harry asked curiously.

"That veil thingy transported me to Uranus,"

"Wow," Harry blinked "that's strange. How was Uranus?"

"Pretty tight," He replied smiling, his eyes flicking to Remus. Remus flushed red, his face lighting up like a beacon.

"Sirius," He scolded, hitting the brunette's arm "Shut up!" Harry was watching them, an insanely cute, confused expression on his face. Remus and Sirius just smiled at him and patted his arm in sympathy,

"You're so insanely innocent, Harry," Sirius cooed at his Godson.

Draco gave Sirius a hateful stare and pushed him away from Harry.

"Harry, there's something you should know." Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed, ignoring Draco. "There are six people here to look after you."

"What? I only see three. What have you been smoking?" Harry exclaimed.

"Nothing… lately…." Sirius muttered.

Everyone stared at him.

"Sirius! I thought I told you not to smoke muggle plants!" Remus scolded.

"Stop being such a mother hen!"

Remus and Sirius started squabbling. Draco turned to Harry.

"Mum, Dad and Snape are in the library."

"Your _parents _are here! _And _Snape!"

"Oh, it's a big mansion. You can avoid people easily."

"I think I need to lie down again."

"Would you like to sit on my lap, Harry?"

"Draco! Leave me alone! Sirius, you're supposed to be _protecting_ me!"

Sirius rushed over. "Get your hands off my Godson!"

"How would you like my hands around your throat?" Draco threatened, sliding his hands around Harry's waist.

"Hey! Get off me!" Harry yelled.

"I'm not on you. But I'd gladly get on you if you'd like me to."

"Shut up Malfoy! If you already weren't so stupid, I'd stupefy you!" Sirius screeched, trying to pry Draco's arms off Harry.

"What are you babbling on about? Hey, are you insulting me?" Draco scratched his head cluelessly.

"Scratching your head must be a nice vacation for your balls!" Sirius muttered.

"Balls?" Harry asked. "What balls? I don't see any."

Everyone fell over laughing as Snape entered the enormous room.

"Did you hit your head hard, Potter, or are you really that oblivious? Please don't make me give you the quill and inkpot talk?"

"What inkpots? Stop changing the subject!"

"Wand and Holster? Slot A and B? The key and the keyhole?" Harry gave Snape a strange look, before throwing the covers over his head, to hide from their laughter.

Suddenly they heard sniffles from under the covers. Sirius, Remus and Snape all got scared looks on their faces and bolted out the door.

"See you, Draco. Good luck." Snape said quickly before shutting the doors and locking them. Draco clapped his hands in excitement. A decidedly evil expression crossed his face before he strode over to the bed. Harry emerged from the covers, tears streaking his face.

"There, there, Harry. They weren't laughing _at_ you, they were laughing _with_ you."

"Really?" Harry asked, with wide watery eyes.

"Oh, that's so _cute_!" Draco cooed. "I mean- yes, of course." He started stroking Harry's hair gently, and then pulled his hand back in surprise.

"Blood?" Draco pushed Harry down onto his stomach and began feeling through the younger boy's hair, looking for the wound. He knew he had found it when Harry hissed and began to squirm. Draco swung his leg over Harry and straddled his waist to stop him from moving.

"Stay here while I go and get some bandages," Draco muttered and left quickly, blushing after realizing what he had been doing.

He made it to the double doors and swung them open to reveal Severus and Remus, who both toppled in and landed on top of each other. They scrambled to find there feet and, straightening up, Remus shot Draco an apologetic look while Severus tried his best to sneer. Draco ushered them both out of the room and closed the door after him quietly.

"What were you doing?" he hissed at the two of them.

"We were merely making sure that Potter was okay without having to go through the difficulty of consoling him," Severus replied airily, before handing Draco a roll of bandages and a bowl of warm water with a cloth "Go get him, Tiger," Severus winked most uncharacteristically and then strode down the corridor, calling out as he went: "Luciuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus," Draco winced at the loud cry, before turning his back and re entering the room. Before, he could accomplish this though, Remus caught his arm.

"Watch out for Sirius. Harry is very…innocent and Sirius would like to keep it that way, whatever it takes," there was something strange in Remus' voice that made Draco take his words to heart. Draco nodded and entered the room.

Harry was lying on his side on the bed and Draco had a brief flash of sweaty tanned skin on red silk sheets before he shook the image from his head. Harry's eyes seemed to have glazed over and he jumped when Draco began turning him back onto his stomach. He remained tense, and almost jumped a metre into the air when Draco swung his leg over his back, straddling him again.

Draco dipped the cloth into the bowl of water and began washing away the dried blood that matted Harry's hair. Harry squirmed and twisted every time the cloth touched his head and Draco was becoming extremely flushed to his embarrassment. Suddenly Harry jumped:

"Draco, WHAT IS _THAT_!" Draco flushed when he realized what Harry was talking about. Relying on Harry's naivety, he replied:

"It's just my wand in my pocket, don't worry," Harry nodded and relaxed into the cushions, slowly relaxing into Draco's hands as he finished dabbing at the wound. He gently began wrapping the white material around Harry's head and he could just see Harry's eyes drooping underneath the loose bandage.

Draco gently flipped Harry onto his back and lay the boys head onto his lap. He gently stroked the smaller boy's hair out of his face and smiled as Harry snuggled into the warmth. The moment was ruined as Sirius rushed into the room and began throwing things at Draco, careful to avoid his Godson. The two spent the rest of the day cursing each other's existence and trying to take each other's eyes out until Remus dragged Sirius to there room by the ear.


	3. Reduced to Tears

Title: Wanting Harry Potter

Rating: PG-13

Authors: Iris Kravitz and Roslyn Knight

Summary: After Harry has an adventure on Privet Drive and his appearance changes for the better, everyone suddenly wants Harry Potter. What's a boy to do when everyone around him is turning gay? Why, flirt of course.

Authors note: Anyway, this chapter gets things going. There is a little bit of outrageous activities and you really have to put your sick minds to use! These is the second last chapter in this part, but have no fear, there are still three more parts to come out! They will come out under different names though and we think the next one is 'Getting Harry Potter'. Ah who knows?

Be warned: extreme OOC-ness and mild swearing ahead!

On with the story!

* * *

Chapter 3

By the time Remus had calmed Sirius down, the sun had set and dinner had started. Sirius, being the completely stubborn man he was, stomped into the grand dining room with a scowl on his face and a glare in Draco's direction. The blonde just smirked. Remus followed Sirius, a puzzled look on his face. Narcissa Malfoy sat at the head of the table, fluttering her arms around and gossiping about some other upper-class women.

Lucius and Severus were sitting to the left of her, side by side and Lucius had a rather peculiar expression on his face while Severus' hand had disappeared under the table. Draco was sitting next to his father, a sickly pallor having taken over his face after glancing under the table. He suddenly slammed his hands on the table:

"Father! We-are-about-to-eat," Draco's eye twitched and Narcissa shot her son a strange look.

"What are you on about, Malfoy?" Sirius snickered at the teenager, but took a seat quickly after Remus elbowed him.

"Nothing, Mother," Draco replied glaring at his father, who still had a strange expression on his face while Severus sipped his drink with his spare hand, smirking.

Remus decided it was time to divert the situation.

"Where's Harry?" Sirius instantly began swinging his head around, looking for his godson. He stuck his head under the table for some strange reason and upon inquiry later; he explained he had been looking for Harry. That was not what he found however.

"AHHHHHHH, My eyes," Sirius began scraping at his eyes as he emerged from under the table. "You better be lucky that Harry isn't here at the moment or you would be in for a world of trouble mister. How dare you engage in such activities at the dinner table! You could blind someone,"

Suddenly the door bell rang.

"Dammit!" Sirius said. "Do people have to come over just as we're about to eat? I'm starving!"

Severus rolled his eyes and got up to answer the door, wiping his hands on his robes as he went. Lucius looked disappointed and pouted at Severus' retreating form.

The doorbell rang again; it's annoying shrill was pissing the shit out of Sirius even more. Severus opened the door, to reveal Oliver Wood; former Gryffindor Quidditch captain and Seamus Finnegan; Gryffindor tower's resident gay playboy (in the absence of Wood).

"What do you want?" Severus glared coldly, ready to slam the door in their faces.

"Professor Dumbledore offered to take us in for the summer and sent us here." Oliver replied. Severus scrutinized them skeptically, then turned and led them towards the dining room.

"Stupid Stumblebum," He muttered under his breath.

Severus explained the situation to the rest of his housemates, and they all sat down to eat again. Sirius was just about to take his first bite when the doorbell rang again.

"_Who the fuck is it this time_!" He screamed and ran down the door to fling the door open. "Who the hell do you-oh, hello Ron."

"Um….hello." Ron waved gingerly.

"Won't you join us for dinner?" Sirius asked with fake lightness.

"Okay…" Ron laughed nervously and followed Sirius into the dining room.

Ron's eyes widened when he saw Severus. "Aaaaagggghhhh! Snape!" Ron fell flat on his ass.

"Oh grow up, Weasley." Lucius counted icily.

"Aaaaaaagggghhhh! Malfoy"

"Up yours, Weasle." Draco replied.

"I'm surrounded," Ron muttered before taking his seat next to Remus. Oliver and Seamus soon started a conversation about Quidditch and the three of them began discussing the advantages of having a big broom. Heh heh.

Twin pop's interrupted dinner yet again and the two new figures found them selves at the wand point of nine people.

"Wow, peace," Charlie muttered, his hands up in defense.

"Yez, peaze," Fleur repeated, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Everyone lowered there wands and soon the dinner had become a…relatively peaceful affair.

* * *

Harry woke from his sleep as a loud struggle was heard from outside the doors. They suddenly swung open, slamming into the wall as Sirius and Draco burst into the room.

"Harryareyouokay!" Draco yelled trying to stay out of Sirius' grasp, as Sirius tried to cover his mouth.

"Don't listen to him Harry! He's just a Gaylord poonanny!" Sirius exclaimed. Harry and Draco looked at him strangely.

"That was random," Harry muttered, sliding under the sheets further. Draco glared, however.

"Piss off, smartass motherfucker," Sirius looked at Draco incredulously, while Harry sunk into the duvet, covering his ears and muttering under his breath. Sirius dragged Draco out into the hall where Harry couldn't hear them.

"Look, if you use that language around my godson again I'll drill holes in your dong so that when you pee it will shoot in all different directions," Draco scowled at the threat.

"Yeah well, I'll cut off your balls and shove them up your ass so that when you shit, you'll be shitting all over your balls," Draco and Sirius scowled at each other while Harry covered his ears and sang so that he couldn't hear them.

Draco broke the staring contest and began drooling as Harry continued singing:

'_I don't care who you are_

_Where you're from_

_What you did_

_As long as you love me_

_Who you are_

_Where you're from_

_Don't care what you did_

_As long as you love me'_

Harry stopped singing when he could no longer hear the profanities.

"Wow- I mean, that _was_ good, not great, but it was alright." Draco lied.

Sirius raised his eyebrow. "What are you talking about? That was amazing."

Draco tried to force a sneer. "I suppose."

Harry got a funny look on his face. "Right…well….I'm going to get up now and get changed….so…yeah."

Sirius grabbed Draco's arm. "We get the picture, Harry. Let's go Malfoy."

"What picture? What the hell are you trying to say, you senile old bastard!"

Harry sighed and shook his head as the door slammed shut behind them. How was he going to survive until school?

He slid from the bed and had to climb down, the mattress was so high and his form so slight. A wardrobe sat at the opposite end of the room and he assumed it held his own clothes. Instead, a whole set of clothes, obviously made for someone else, hung in the monstrous structure. He shrugged, not really caring what he wore and slid on the first thing available.

* * *

Fleur hummed as she glided down the hall. The day was going very well, if she did say so herself. Se had just cursed Charlie Weasley something awful and successfully knocked him out of the competition for Harry Potter. Speak of the Angel, a set of double doors to the side of the hall swung open silently and He wandered out. Fleur very nearly fainted at the sight of him. He wore an emerald green shirt that complemented his newly exposed orbs and was so big, it slid off his shoulder and showed a stretch of pale skin and his collar bone. His pants were supposed to be form fitting, but were too big at the waist and hung precariously around his hips.

Fleur rushed forward and slid her arms around his waist from behind, hugging him to her chest.

"You look gorgeous, 'Arry," she gushed and then giggled for good measure. Harry, who had stiffened the instant she grabbed him, smiled weekly and struggled against her iron-like grip.

"Thank you, Fleur," he gasped in air as his attempts proved futile "You look very pretty yourself," He chirped politely, still struggling.

"Ooooh, you are such a dahling, 'Arry," She began stroking his hair like you would a kitten and then started dragging him outdoors. No-one would find them there.

They had almost made it to the front doors (Harry still struggling) when Oliver stepped out from a side room off to the side. He took a moment to take in the two of them, blinking stupidly, before processing that Fleur Delacour was all over his future seeker (:cough boy-toy cough:). It took a moment for him to recognise the younger boy, the disappearance of his glasses and a year of not seeing him making the world of a difference.

"Ohm God! Harry-baby is that you? Sweetie! Honey! You're on fire!" He wrenched Harry out of Fleur's grip, manoeuvring them so that their back was facing Fleur.

"You sexy bitch, you!" Harry's eyes filled with tears, not realising that Oliver was complimenting him.

Oliver slapped Harry on the ass with apparent enthusiasm.

"Wow! Really firm! You sexy son of a gun, you could be Satan's whore with an ass like that!"

"Satan!" Harry cried in alarm.

"WOOD!" Fleur, Oliver and Harry turned around to see Sirius marching toward them angrily. Lucius, Severus and Draco were following behind him, Severus clapping his hands gleefully.

"I just love a good fight!" He exclaimed.

Sirius grabbed Oliver by the front of the shirt, jerking him forward so that their noses were almost touching.

"You just made my godson cry," he whispered sinisterly. "Nobody messes with my godson and gets away with it."

In the background, Lucius and Severus had conjured up popcorn and were chanting happily. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

Draco watched sympathetically as Harry fled the room in tears.


	4. Karma Sutra

Title: Wanting Harry Potter

Rating: PG-13

Authors: Iris Kravitz and Roslyn Knight

Summary: After Harry has an adventure on Privet Drive and his appearance changes for the better, everyone suddenly wants Harry Potter. What's a boy to do when everyone around him is turning gay? Why, flirt of course.

Authors note: First off, any Slash-phobics can get user friendly with the back button because we have enough to do without going through some idiotic flames that are most likely cluttering up our inbox. I REPEAT: PISS OFF!

Any way, no offence, but we really are busy between school and writing this so, yeah. Anyway, it's extremely amusing to manipulate gay Characters, especially when there in denial. Hee hee. 

Be warned: extreme OOC-ness ahead

On with the story!

* * *

Chapter 4

Harry sobbed into his pillow, sniffling. He had never been called something as harsh as a bitch and the very idea of Satan scared him slightly. He quieted as he heard the door creak, hoping it wasn't Sirius. He wasn't the best at comforting people.

"Harry," Harry jerked into a sitting position at the mention of his name. Lucius Malfoy was standing at the doorway, glancing down the corridor to check for eavesdroppers. When he was satisfied, he closed the door and tapped the handle with a muttered spell. The lock clicked into place and Harry became slightly nervous in the older man's company.

"Harry. I thought it would be in your best interests to know of an interesting skill that is now at your disposal," He stared at Harry's tear stained face," I …doubt you were aware, but your father was quite the player during his Hogwarts days. He was bisexual meaning even I became somewhat susceptible to his charms. He left me of course, for that dratted Evans," Harry blinked slightly at the reference to his mother, and Lucius had to refrain from gushing.

"Well anyway, I think you should have this," He slid a book from his cloak pocket. Harry took it with slight trepidation and looked at the front cover quizzically.

"Karma Sutra," Harry read out slightly.

"Yes now scamper off and read that. By the way, no-one needs to know about this," Lucius winked and swept from the room dramatically, tripping on his robes at the door. Harry stifled a giggle, but sat down to read.

* * *

Lucius sat in his chambers later that evening sipping a whisky, extremely satisfied from his session with Severus. He jumped slightly when he heard the door click open and spun to see Harry standing in the doorway. But there were BIG differences.

Leather pants hugged his slim legs and hung tantalizingly low on his hips. He wore a tight tank top that was so short it showed his belly button and stomach. Lucius was startled to see a glint of silver reflect from the boy's belly; a small silver stud was piercing the skin. He was slouching in the doorways seductively; his green eyes half-lidded. He ran a small pink tongue over his top lip and winked at Lucius, before pushing himself of the door sill and striding down the corridor and in the direction of the dining hall.

Lucius turned back to the fire and called Severus to deal with his raging hard on. As he waited impatiently he took a swig of his fire-whiskey and muttered to himself:

"God I'm good,"

* * *

Narcissa watched as Harry slid onto Oliver Wood's lap, wrapping his slim legs around Oliver's legs sensually. She had to admit, she was getting a little hot watching the performance. She glanced to her left, trying to see Lucius' reaction to the turn of events. He was smirking smugly and Narcissa could detect a hint of drool sliding from the side of his mouth.

"You wouldn't have anything to do with Harry's sudden lack of innocence would you darling?" She asked, her voice as sweet as syrup and as artificial as a 'made in China' product.

"How did you – I mean, w-what, um, well, you know…What are _you_ talking about, my sweet?" He blanched at the horrible pet name when she glanced back at Harry, who was now, massaging Oliver's crotch with his knee and nibbling on his ear.

"You're sweating, I know you're lying," She spun to him and glared evilly, her voice losing all sweetness and turning sinister "Tell me the truth or I'll make your life miserable…and you know I can do it! I'll move back in with you!" She threatened and Lucius fell out of his chair, gasping in horror.

"You wouldn't!" He asked, outraged, with not a small amount of fear in his eyes.

"I would," She assured "Just try me,"

Lucius gulped, but conceded.

"Well…we, um. We had a little…chat,"

"And…"

"Well I merely informed him that he had certain…assets or talents if you will,"

"I see," Narcissa replied, her fake sweetness back. Lucius scampered off like a scared rabbit, off to find Severus for some…relief. Heh heh.

"Well, things are about to get very…interesting."

The End

* * *

Stay tuned for the second part in the series 'Getting Harry Potter'. On a computer near you Nov – Dec 2005 (depending on…persuasion on viewers part).

Roslyn and Iris


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Harry Potter, Humor, Romance