Smurfs 1. Ch 01: Girl Crazy

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**I found out that won't let me use tildes for a scene break, so I'm reposting all the chapters with the scene break of five dashes. Grrr. Wish I'd noticed it sooner.**

Chapter 1: Girl Crazy

Papa Smurf jerked awake, wondering what woke him from a sound sleep. He listened, but heard nothing. The elder smurf was just about to drift back off to sleep when there was a distinct sound of knocking at his door. He glanced at the clock as he got out of bed, it was nearly dawn.

"My Smurfness, who could be awake at this hour? Coming!" Papa called as the knock came again to the door.

He opened the door to see two long avian legs, with a small basket set between them. The stork lowered it's head again, tilting so that one eye could focus on the little blue man.

"My stars! A baby smurf! Why thank you for waking me up my friend. Oh won't the other smurfs be surprised!" He strode out the door, scooping up the basket and pulling down the blanket that had helped shield the little smurfling from the windchill. The baby smurf was sleeping peacefully, gripping an edge of another blanket that swaddled the smurfling.

The stork clicked it's beak, catching Papa's attention. The elder smurf realized it was making sure the little one would be taken care of. "Yes, yes, I'll take good care of this little smurf, you have my word!" Papa answered. The bird dipped it's head in acknowledgement, and walked to a clearer part of the village so it could flap its large wings and took off into the slowly lightening sky.

Papa began to catalog things that the little baby would need; dideys, baby food, milk, bottles, toys, a place to sleep (did he keep that old crib and bassinet?), blankets, and most importantly, love.

Hefty was usually one of the first smurfs up, aside from Chef and Baker who were starting on breakfast. The strong smurf would do stretches and then his morning run. By the time he was done washing up from that, it would be breakfast time. Stepping outside his door and ready to face the day, he started at a slow pace to get him to the edge of the village where his usual trail was.

Only a little way into the run he saw Papa heading his way with a bundle of clothes in his arms. Probably heading to Tailor's to get something mended, Hefty decided. He waved as he got within earshot. "Mornin Papa Smurf! You're up early."

"What a splendid morning Hefty! Just look at what was delivered a few moments ago!" Papa held up the bundle and it squirmed! Hefty was almost past the Elder, looking at the blankets and seeing a tiny smurf face blinking in the dawning light.

The strong smurf skidded to a halt and backed up a bit to look at the bundle in his leader's hands. "That's a baby smurf!" Hefty got close to the baby, leaning in and staring in amazement. The little smurfling reached out and grabbed Hefty's nose, giving it a squeeze.

The tattooed smurf jerked back in surprise before amusement washed over him. "Well, what a little squeezer!" He laughed. "But. Where did the baby come from?"

"A stork delivered the baby just before dawn. Now there's lots and lots of preparations to make!" Papa explained excitedly as he rocked the smurfling a bit.

The window to the nearest house opened, and out popped Jokey's head. "Preparations? Are we planning a surprise?" The jovial smurf chuckled.

Hefty relayed the news. "There was a baby smurf delivered early this morning Jokey! Just look!" He motioned to Papa, and the leader smurf let the swaddling down from around the baby's head so the little one was easily seen.

"Now **that's** a surprise!" Jokey cried, ducking into his house and coming out the front door, still dressed in his nightgown. Around them the village was waking up, some smurfs opening windows and noticing the curious sight. Handy was the next smurf to give in to curiosity, though he came out of his home fully dressed. Before the overall clad smurf had made it to the group, Greedy, Vanity, and Painter were making their way over. Each smurf making exclamations of surprise as they saw the tiny smurfling.

Before too large of a crowd could gather, Papa called their attention. "Now, now my little smurfs, I promise everyone will get to meet the new baby soon. But right now, this little one needs clothes, milk, and bottles. Handy, if you and Glassmaker can get smurfing on some bottles, and Hefty, if you and Greedy can find our goat friend to smurf some milk. We've got lots to smurf to get this baby settled in! I'm off to Tailor's to see about clothes." The smurfs dispersed, talking excitedly about the new baby.

Most of the smurfs were enamored with the little one from the moment they heard a coo. Things seemed to change quickly around the village, within hours many of the smurfs had incorporated their new fascination with the baby into their own hobbies. Handy made a bassinet in record time, Painter had already finished his latest 'masterpizza' featuring the smurfling, and the list went on.

A few, however, had other things on their mind.

Snappy was sitting in the grass with his best friend Slouchy, both smurfs in discussion. Snappy was currently on a rant about females.

"It just makes no sense! If we can fall in love, and feel feelings for females, then why are there no females?" Snappy all but shouted.

"It's like some cruel joke." Slouchy agreed.

"Two smurfettes between a hundred smurfs. And we wouldn't even have those two if it wasn't for Gargamel smurfing them!" The hotheaded smurf snapped.

"Well what can we smurf about it? It's not like we can make our own smurfettes." Slouchy pointed out as he raised a hand to cover a yawn.

Snappy jerked himself around to face his friend. "That's it!" He grabbed Slouchy's shoulders. "We can make our own Smurfettes!"

"What?" Slouchy managed as his friend shook his shoulders in excitement.

"It's simple! We smurf Gargamel's formula for making naughties, then make girls, then smurf them into real smurfs! The whole village wouldn't have to fight over just two females." Snappy jumped to his feet, an impulsive plan already forming in his head.

"I don't think that's a very good idea. Hey, wait up!" Slouchy had to get up and head off after the other smurf, grumbling about never being listened to.

It didn't take the two long to gather up supplies, Slouchy at least made Snappy grab a small bag and put some rope inside in addition to the paper, quills, and ink. The impulsive smurf pulled his sluggard friend along, practically dragging him from the village. Just outside the barrier, the duo encountered Natural smurf.

"Hey guys, where are you smurfing today? Smurfberry picking?" The naturalist asked.

"Yes." "No." The two answered at the same time. Snappy glared at Slouchy for his honesty.

Natrual raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What are you two hickory nuts up to?"

Snappy looked around before answering. "We're going to Gargamels to smurf his naughtie making formula. He shouldn't be the only one able to make female smurfs!"

"What?! Are you Crazy?!" Nat cried.

"No, Crazy's in the watchtower as usual." Slouchy joked.

"Agh." Natural growled, annoyed. "You know what I mean. You can't smurf things from Gargamel! What if he catches you? It could mean the end of us all, or you could get smurfed!"

Snappy waved his hand, "It won't be a problem. We're going to watch the place and wait for him to leave or sleep, then we'll smurf in, copy the formula, and be out before he even smurfs we're there."

The nature smurf started to speak but the impulsive smurf continued. "Think about it, Nat. Do you really think you've got any chance at all with Smurfette or Vexy? Even if it was just the three of us one would be smurfed out! Nevermind all of us."

Slouchy could see something else in Snappy's eyes, and wondered if the smurf wasn't enamored with one of the two smurfettes. The silence lasted for a few moments, each deep in thought.

Natural finally spoke. "It's still not a smurfy idea. Not only is Gargamel dangerous, it just doesn't seem right to try and smurf naughties just turn them into Smurfettes to fall in love with. Who's to say the new smurfettes would even like us?"

Stubbornly, the hotheaded smurf shook his head. "We won't know unless we try."

Nat sighed, looking at Slouchy. "This is like the apple orchard incident all over again. Well. Smurf on. I'll come with you." He didn't voice that it was to help keep them out of trouble.

"Smurftastic! Let's go!" Snappy led the way to their most dangerous enemy.

They traveled in silence, arriving at the creepy domicile mid-afternoon. The trio looked cautiously around the area, listening intently.

"Flutterby." Nat whispered, "Go look inside and come back and tell us if Gargamel's home." The smurf's pet butterfly flitted off, floating across the bare area towards the place as only a butterfly can fly. The smurfs waited for what seemed like ages, until the butterfly came flitting back to rest on Natural's finger. The little insect wiggled it's antennae, speaking to the smurf in it's own language.

"Flutterby says it's empty." The naturalist smurf relayed.

"Good. Let's smurf!" Snappy was off like a shot, leaving the other two smurfs to catch up.

The trio squeezed through a gap in the door, looking around the lair of their enemy with fear. After a few moments, the smurfs shook off their trepidation and began searching the bookshelves and scrolls. Stage whispers seemed to echo across the stone room as they looked. Finally Slouchy managed to climb up a pedestal and look through the book there.

"I found it!" The other two smurfs rushed to climber up to the book. Once there, Snappy took the writing supplies out of the side bag and started writing. Natural and Slouchy kept lookout, looking between the door and their companion.

"Done!" The impulsive smurf soon announced, checking the next page to make sure it was the end of the spell.

"Good, let's smurf out of here before Gargamel comes back." Nat said worriedly as he packed up the quill and ink. Snappy took the copied spell carefully in hand and waved the parchment a bit, hoping to get the ink to dry faster. Spying a close table, Slouchy hopped down onto it, his two companions following soon after. From there they spotted a sack of something that would be easy for them to jump down off of and reach the ground.

Then the door opened.

Gargamel swept into the room, followed closely by Azrael. He tossed a net and several steel traps into a corner and slammed the door before walking over to a cabinet. The trio of smurfs got over their shock and dove behind assorted pots. Snappy stuffed the copied spell into his hat.

"I tell you Azrael, once I get my hands on those smurfs, we'll be able to destroy them. Then it will only be a matter of time before I rule the world. Step one. Catch smurfs. Step two. Drain them of their essence. Step three. ... Well I haven't worked that part out yet. But step four is rule the world!"

"Reah, reah, reah." Azrael dismissed. She sniffed the air. Smurfs? Here? Following her nose, the feline began studying the trails of smell that crisscrossed the floor.

Nat spotted Azrael moving, and motioned to the other two smurfs making cat ears and then tapping his nose. Snappy responded by pointing to the three of them and holding up his hand, motioning to the door. Both Slouchy and Natural nodded their understanding. The countdown began from 3.

On two, Azrael hopped up on the table, nose touching the book they were standing on earlier. Slouchy was the closest to the cat, and tried to ease around the dark colored beaker he was hiding behind.

Azrael noticed the movement and yowled.

"3! 3! Go!" Slouchy hollered, bolting with the other two smurfs and leaping off the table onto the sack. Which turned out to be full of sharp instruments when Snappy landed wrong and cut his arm above the elbow.

"Smurfs! Azrael get them!" The feline was way ahead of her master, knocking bottles off the table as she charged after her prey. Gargamel was after them as well, but the three smurfs were up and running just as fast as they were down.

Snappy was the last smurf to squeeze through the gap in the door, just before Azrael pounced and rattled the door with her miss. The wizard shoved the cat out of the doorway so he could pull it open, letting his familiar race out after them into the twilight.

"If you don't bring a smurf back you might as well catch some mice because it'll be no supper for you!" Gargamel called after the feline. Slamming the door, the evil wizard began to look for what his little enemies had been searching for.

He noticed several books had been moved, and there were a number of disturbed scrolls. He grinned his snaggle toothed grin. "So they were after a spell, eh? I thought those little blue rats would have learned their lesson after the first time." He looked at the table, then his eyes rested on the pedestal. The book was open to the page containing the formula he'd used for Smurfette!

"Could they be trying to create an army?" He wondered aloud. "No. No. Those goody two-shoes wouldn't dream of going on the offensive. They're so hung up on peace and love and-" He stopped as the last word clicked in his mind.

"Love! That's it. Those little rodents want to fall in love! Ah-haha! Well, if it's women they want..." The wizard's mind began to work up a few possible traps, and he pulled out quill and parchment to jot a few down.

Scratching his head to think of more ideas, the evil wizard's eyes roamed the room. He noticed a spot on his sack of potion tools that he hadn't seen before. Leaning closer, he saw that it was blood. He scanned around, if his cat had nicked her paw, the blood would be tracked out the door and he'd see prints. But there was only that droplet, and one smear along the gap in the door.

"Smurf blood." He said gleefully. The little beasts had given him just what he needed...

**00000**

Natural, Snappy, and Slouchy fled through the forest, a yowling Azrael on their heels. Suddenly the three smurfs split up, going in different directions and forcing the feline to choose one. Skidding to the right, the cat's instincts had her automatically choosing the wounded one -Snappy.

Nat ducked around a tree and gulped at air long enough to put a hand to his mouth and hoot out a call. Nearby, an owl answered. Nat explained his situation, pleading for help, and the avian hooted a positive response. The bird took wing, flying silently and searching for the orange cat.

Nearby, Slouchy had doubled around and was trying to catch up to Snappy and Azrael, hoping he wasn't too late. Around twigs and through bushes he wove, and finally came upon a sight that made his heart nearly stop.

Azrael was standing over a bloody Snappy, raising one paw with claws extended.

"Stop! You stupid cat!" Slouchy snarled, picking up a smurfball sized rock and throwing it as hard as he could. It didn't hit the feline's head like he intended, but did hit the front paw she was standing on. On reflex, the cat jerked back, looking at the standing smurf.

Suddenly a shadow blotted out the night sky around the cat and she looked up. Just in time to dodge what would have been a painful impaling on barn owl talons. The feline hissed at her attacker, and the owl clicked it's beak, the two predators standing off for a moment before the cat thought the better of it and ran. The owl took off, flying in pursuit of it's prey.

Slouchy rushed to Snappy, picking the smurf up and cradling him. "Snappy, Snappy, wake up!" A quick look showed the mellow smurf the cut on his brother's arm was the source of the blood, and that Snappy was still breathing.

"Slouchy? Snappy?" Nat's voice called out in the distance as Slouchy opened the bag and pulled out the rope.

"Over here, Nat! Snappy's hurt!" He wrapped it tightly about the wound, helping to stop the bleeding, then looped it a few times into a makeshift sling. He heard the sound of Natural approaching before he actually saw the nature lover, and breathed a sigh of relief when he did.

It didn't take long for the naturalist smurf to access the situation. "We'd better find cover for the night. We can take Snappy back to the village in the morning."

Natural scouted around, soon finding a comfortable looking abandoned den in a hollow, standing dead tree. By the time Snappy was dragged to safety, both awake smurfs were exhausted. They quickly fell asleep, using leaves for blankets and with their injured friend nestled between them protectively.

They had no idea what had happened in the village in their absence.

**00000**

It had only been a few hours after baby had arrived, when a small group of smurfs were watching the little tyke. Baby lay in a brand new bassinet, and Smurfette rocked him.

"He's so adorable." The blond cooed.

The smurfling started to wriggle, looking a bit uncomfortable. Hefty rocked the child, thinking the baby wanted a ride. Baby started to whimper, kicking frantically.

"Huh. What's wrong with the little squeezer?" Hefty asked, concerned. Right after his question, the baby started to cry.

The group of smurfs tried to soothe the baby, Clumsy offered a bottle, denied. Smurfette picked the baby up and rocked gently, more crying. Vanity even showed the child his mirror. Nothing. It seemed everything the five smurfs tried did nothing to soothe the child.

Finally, Hefty gave up. He scooped the smurfling back up from the bassinet and started for the door. "Let's see if Papa Smurf knows what's wrong."

The group headed quickly to their leader's house, having to answer that they didn't know why the baby was crying so when passers by asked in concern.

"Papa Smurf! Baby won't stop crying!" Hefty held up the wailing child. Their elder took the child from the strong smurf's hands.

"Is it serious?" Brainy asked worriedly.

"Oh no. What this baby needs is a didey change." Papa Smurf chuckled.

"What on earth is a didey?" Vanity asked, admiring his elegantly raised brow in his mirror.

The elder smurf decided to show instead of tell, motioning for the other smurfs to follow him. He pulled the onesie off the child, revealing the diaper the child had come to the village wearing. He recognized the style, it was the same that all the other smurfs had come in. With only a few fumbles as his memory jogged, he removed the wet diaper.

All the smurfs at the table gasped.

"Oh no Papa Smurf, the baby's horribly deformed!" Brainy cried out.

"Brainy Smurf, that baby isn't deformed! That baby's a girl!" Smurfette snapped.

"A girl?!" The younger male smurfs in the room exclaimed in surprise.

"I'll be." Papa said in awe. "Smurfette's right. Baby is a girl."

Baby simply kicked her feet in the air, oblivious to the shock of the adults. Papa smurf sponged the child gently and put a new diaper on the smurfling. He worried momentarily about being new to taking care of a little girl, but reassured himself that he didn't know how to take care of little boys either, and he learned that just fine.

"Papa." Smurfette started quietly. "What does this mean? I thought there weren't any female smurfs before me."

"Well, Papa had a Mama Smurf. But she disappeared, right?" The muscled smurf looked at the elder.

"Yes. I was a smurfling back then, only forty years old. There was a terrible shadowy bird that smurfed Mama away. We never smurfed her again, though my own Papa went out smurfing the world for her. Papa... er, well I guess he'd be Grandpa to you, has yet to return."

"Ah..." Clumsy looked from the baby to Papa. "So are smurfs delivered by stork or um..." The klutzy smurf blushed and trailed off.

Brainy pushed up his glasses and tried to ignore his flaming cheeks. "I think the words you're looking for are sexually reproduce."

Papa chuckled to try and shake a bit of nerves. He'd had the birds and the bees talk with his sons before, but it never made the subject any less awkward for him. "Well, my little smurfs, I really don't know. I can't remember how I was born, I never asked my own Papa or Mama before they were both gone. Then when each of you came along by stork, I guess I just assumed that it was a smurf's natural process to be smurfed on Blue Moon nights."

Vanity hummed thoughtfully. "But where on earth do those babies come from?"

Papa looked sheepishly at the floor. "I don't know that either. I've often wondered it, especially when I was smurfing about two smurflings a year, but the question always slipped my mind when the stork came."

"Oooh! What a mystery!" Vanity gushed. "Are we some sort of kindly wizard's experiment? If so they smurfed the mold when they made me." The vain smurf smiled into his mirror.

"Well, if another baby gets delivered, we ought to ask." Hefty said, ignoring his brother's antics. Papa suddenly had a horrified thought of another round of about two babies a year, this time all girls.

"Papa, are you ok?" Smurfette asked, seeing his blue skin lighten a bit.

The elder snapped back to attention. "Ah, uh. Fine, I'm just smurfy Smurfette. I guess I forgot for a second that I have my little smurfs to smurf out if we start smurfing any more smurflings."

Hefty started chuckling. "No worries there, Papa. We'll all smurf in to help out with any new siblings."

"Absosmurfly." Brainy agreed.

Papa could only smile.

It didn't take long for news to spread about the little baby being a girl. By evening, the village's hot topic was where exactly they came from. Theories abounded, from the practical (that they were orphans of other smurfs) to the absurd (like Suspicious's pet theory that they were all created by Gargamel just so the crazy Wizard would have something to hunt for sport). None of the smurfs seemed to notice the absence of Snappy, Slouchy, or Natural as they bedded down for sleep.

**00000**

The three smurfs woke up, though Snappy was more groggy than usual. He groaned as he struggled to sit up, rousing both his friends. He wondered why his arm was wrapped up shortly before the events of the previous evening came back to him. With his good arm he reached into his hat, pulling out the spell and reading the ingredients.

"What are you smurfing?" Natural asked. Slouchy had a good idea and kept his mouth shut.

"Reading over the ingredients. We gotta smurf these-" Snappy began.

"Oh no! No more adventures until you get back to the Village and smurf that wound!" Nat ordered.

"Before I was unsmurfily interrupted," The smurf snapped, "I was saying that we smurf the ingredients as we head back. I don't like having my arm smurfed up any more than you like to see me bleeding, Nat." The nature smurf looked away.

"Only one problem with that. We'd be going out of our way to smurf that blue clay." Slouchy pointed out.

"We could smurf by the river and smurf regular clay. It smurfs here he smurfed it to make Vexy and Hackus." Snappy pointed to where he'd copied the annotations along the margin of the page.

"Yeah, but it also smurfs that non-magical clay needs an infusion of smurf essence, and then more periodically after creation for survival. We don't know how to smurf our essence out of anything." Slouchy argued.

"So let's smurf the blue clay." The answer seemed obvious to Snappy.

"Look. I'll go smurf the blue clay." Natural interrupted. "If. And I mean only if! You two smurf straight back to the village smurfing the other ingredients on your way."

"Great!" Snappy grinned. "We'll all smurf back behind Papa's house and get into his lab. We really only need a cauldron, so maybe we can just smurf one right quick."

The three smurfs started down the tree, being extra careful with their injured companion. Once on the ground, they prepared to split up.

"Ok, so all you need to do is smurf a bucket of blue clay, Nat. We'll smurf the rest." The impulsive smurf reminded.

"Got it. And remember-" The nature smurf started in a lecturing tone.

"Smurf right back to the village after we get all the ingredients, we know!" Snappy grumbled.

They parted ways, heading out to gather their ingredients. Luckily both trips were uneventful. Nat wrapped up the smurf bucket sized lump of blue clay in a leaf, carrying it back to the village. The nature lover only breathed a sigh of relief when the mushroom shaped houses shimmered into view. Quickly, he hurried towards their elder's house, hoping that Slouchy and Snappy were there.

The backyard was empty, and Natural looked about for a place to stash his package. He was considering heading to Dabbler's to see if the duo were still getting Snappy's arm bandaged when he heard a hissing sound. Casting about, he spotted a blue hand beckoning from a bush. Nat dove in, coming face to face with Slouchy. To his relief, Snappy was there too, now sporting a white bandage on his arm instead of the bloody rope. The impulsive smurf was standing over the cauldron, a small fire going underneath it.

"Good, you're here. The clay is the first ingredient." The smurf took the leaf wrapped package and dumped it in.

"Blue clay for the body." Snappy intoned.

"We made a few adjustments to the formula, you wouldn't believe what smurfette was made of!" Slouchy whispered to Natural. The smurf at the cauldron glared to shut them up. He had the two other smurfs stand so they created a triangle around the cauldron.

"Sugar and spice, and everything nice." Snappy dumped a cup of powder in, adding in a nice bird feather they'd found, some flowers -roots and all, smurfberries, a lily pad shaped like a heart, and a sarsaparilla leaf.

"A dram of sincere tears and one crocodile tear." Nat was handed a bottled and he poured it in. The nature smurf wondered where the heck they found that on the way, then glared at Snappy for swiping from Papa's stores.

"The wisdom of an owl." More swiping of stores, no doubt. Slouchy opened a box, letting a light float down into the bubbling brew.

"Some silver for her tongue." In went one of Greedy's forks. Nat wondered if it was a bad thing that it still had some cake on it.

"A dozen little white lies." Snappy was rather proud of keeping that part in, everybody had to lie sometime, what if they made a smurfette that always told the truth? Gargamel only had to get a hold of her and every secret she held would be out!

"The slyness of a fox." Slouchy peppered that in. Nat wondered how Papa put that into a shaker.

"The curiosity of a cat." It was a glowing ball this time. Nat dumped it in. Slouchy inwardly groaned. That really, really wouldn't end well.

"The song of a sparrow." Snappy hoped this worked, cupping his hands and whistling the song into the cauldron. It changed color, so it seemed to work.

"The loyalty of a dog." Really, thought Nat. How does that get into a shaker? Powdered dog loyalty? He blanched. Was it just powdered dog?

"And we're letting her form her own disposition." Snappy intoned, just in case the spell needed to know. He wondered if he should've done the same for the replacement of the magpie chatter too. Ah well, too late.

"Some warm brass for her heart." Slouchy dropped in a nick-nack that was likely swiped from Smurfette. ...Or Vanity. He ignored Natural's raised eyebrow.

"I thought it was supposed to be a heart of gold, if you're going by the saying?" Nat asked Slouchy.

"We couldn't find any, figured this would be close enough. At least she'll be warm hearted." Another glare from Snappy shut them up.

The impulsive smurf had them link hands, jerking his head at the spell. Three nods and the trio intoned together. "Arise new smurfette!"

The cauldron blew up with the force of two of Jokey's prank presents at once, knocking all three back on their tails.

Snappy rubbed his head. "Ugh. Did we... Did it work?" He looked up.

There stood a smurfling with red hair and pink overalls.

"A smurfling!" Slouchy cried.

Nat only huffed a woosh of air as the little smurfette jumped off the cauldron edge and onto his chest, bounding out of the brush with a, "You can't catch me!"

The smurfs scrambled to their feet, running after the little redhead. They stopped in front of Papa's house, looking around to see where the smurfling went.

"We are so smurfed." Slouchy groaned.

"Slouchy, smurf that way, Nat, head towards the village center, I'll smurf that way. We've got to find her!" Snappy barked the order and didn't wait for acknowledgement before he was running off towards the east end of the village. Natural and Slouchy headed off as well, looking for the new smurfette.

The little smurfling had jumped into a nearby window, hiding from the smurfs she saw. She giggled gleefully before turning and looking around. The room was lined with weights of all shapes and sizes, a treadmill and stationary bicycle situated neatly off in one corner.

"Oooh." She said as she saw the trophy case with several awards. How to get at those, she wondered. It became apparent soon enough that she could climb the wall rack of weights to get at the shelf. The little smurfette impulsively started climbing.

Hefty walked through the door to see a little redheaded smurfette half way up his weight rack. Fear shot adrenaline into his system.

"That rack's not attached to the wall!" He cried out as he charged into the room, just as the rack tipped. The strong smurf managed to pull the smurfling away, only to have one of his largest dumbbells smash into his foot. He howled and dropped the little redhead.

"Agh, who are you, you little runt?" Hefty growled, trying to balance on his uninjured foot.

"I'd tell you, but I don't have a name." The little smurfling grinned cheekily before bolting out the door. She watched the door behind her as she fled, making sure the large smurf wasn't coming after her.

Not paying attention to where she was going caused her to crash into Painter, who was just finishing another painting of Baby. The two tumbled forward, Painter's outstretched arm going through the canvas followed by his head.

The artistic smurf was horrified into silence for a moment. Then he started ranting. "My Masterpissa!" He whirled, spotting the little smurfette. "Vous, ma petite fille, qu'est-ce que vous pensez que vous faites?!"

"You talk funny. See ya!" The little smurfling darted down the path, weaving past startled smurfs on her way.

Painter gave chase snarling words in french that, given the meaning, it was good the smurfling couldn't understand them. She fled through the village, but crashed into Tailor as she looked back to see that the disgruntled artist was gaining on her. The red head hopped up off of the smurf, tripping on the entangled measuring tape around her feet. Suddenly, she was being lifted into the air by her overalls.

"Got you." Slouchy grinned.

"Who is that, Slouchy?" Tailor started.

"Great you got her!" Snappy came running up, Natural hot on his heels.

"What did you two mooks do?" Hefty growled as he limped up. Slouchy wisely stayed silent.

"Well, that is. We just. Uh. ..." Snappy started, looking nervously around at the gathered smurfs. Painter looked ready to hang them all up by their heels.

"We smurfed Gargamel's spell to create smurfettes and tried to make one of our own but we didn't smurf enough blue clay and that's why she's a smurfling!" Snappy explained in a rush.

"We?" Slouchy moaned. They were so smurfed. Nat tapped his index fingers together nervously.

"I was supposed to be a grown up? Pffft. That's boring." The little redhead quipped.

"Heh. You're a sassy little thing." Hefty chuckled. "Hey! Gutsy! You wanna help me escort these mooks to Papa?"

The adventurous smurf made his way through the crowd. "Aye, lad." He scooped the smurfling out of Slouchy's grasp, putting the smurfette up on his shoulders. The redhead looked thrilled with this.

Slouchy rather thought it was like a death march. Natural pulled his hat down over his ears.

"It IS like the apple orchard incident all over again." He moaned.

The group approached the mess hall, where Papa was sitting with Baby, bouncing her on his knee. He looked up with interest at the group coming, his eyes widening with surprise at the sight of the little redheaded smurfette.

"My Smurfness! Where did she come from?" Papa asked.

Gutsy shoved Snappy forward. "You can tell him or we can."

Snappy swallowed nervously before he began. "We. Well, it was my idea. I pulled Nat and Slouchy along to Gargamel's," He ignored the collective gasp. "And we smurfed the spell he used to make Smurfette, Vexy, and Hackus. Then we gathered all the ingredients and, well..."

"Here I am!" The little smurfling shouted.

"We kind of made a mistake with the size of the bucket of clay, that's why she's little." Natural supplied.

"Why?" Papa looked at Snappy, concerned.

The smurfs cheeks reddened. "I figured I'd just solve the problem of so many Smurfs getting their hearts broken when Smurfette and Vexy finally pick one of us." He took a breath, repeating some of his earlier rant to Slouchy. "It's not fair to them our us the way when we get Spring Fever every year."

Snappy was quiet for a moment, contemplating. "I guess this is kind of me going nuts in a different way, come to think of it."

The elder smurf nodded, understanding where his son was coming from. Why, the first year Smurfette was in the village he let Spring Fever go to his head. It still embarrassed him and he was glad none of the other smurfs thought less of him for it. But still... what they did was extremely dangerous.

"I think, it's best that you three not be punished for creating little... ah..." Papa looked at the smurfling, who shrugged.

"I like what 'Efty said earlier, that she is a little sassette." Painter grouched, still annoyed about his painting being demolished.

"I said sassy, not sassette." Hefty pointed out.

"But I like Sassette!" The little redhead pointed out. She bounced on Gutsy's shoulders and the scotsmurf had to stagger a bit to rebalance himself. Baby mimicked her, jiggling her little legs from her perch on Papa's hip.

"Well. Sassette then." Papa nodded at the smurfling, who cheered. "I'll have to smurf the final spell to turn her into a full smurf, and then we'll welcome our newest little sister."

The older smurf took a deep breath as he turned back to his three little smurfs. "But you did smurf to Gargamel's and you know that is forbidden. I think, in addition to your regular chores, you should smurf out Farmer for the rest of the planting season." The trio winced. Two solid months of extra chores.

Slouchy considered that at least this punishment wasn't as bad as what happened to him and Snappy for the orchard incident.

"Now. If you three will smurf to farmer's fields, I believe I have a spell to prepare." Papa turned to the crowd of onlookers and spotted one Smurf who'd been avoiding meeting Baby.

Papa grinned, taking a few steps over to Grouchy. "Grouchy, if you'll be so smurfy as to watch Baby for a bit while I perform Sassette's spell." Without waiting to hear a no, he passed the child off.

Grouchy started to protest, scowling at the baby. Baby scowled back at him, even crossing her arms. "Must. Resist. Cute." Grouchy tried. Oh how he tried.

His usual cold exterior melted when the child snuggled into his arms and gave a happy coo. "Oh my smurf. She's adorable." He whispered.

"Hey tough guy." Vexy's velvet tones seemed to short out Grouchy's brain momentarily before the smurf fought down his instincts. He would not make a fool of himself like the other smurfs did around Smurfette.

"Yeah?" The grumpy smurf rumbled.

"What was that Spring Fever they were talking about?" The dark haired smurfette asked.

Oh smurf, why me? Grouchy internally lamented. "You should probably go ask Smurfette."

"I could. But you're right here." Vexy grinned as she sat down near him.

Focus. Focus. Focus. The grumpy smurf kept up his internal mantra, letting the baby smurf play with his hand. "I really hate explaining." He growled.

"Is it something so terribly horrible that you've been sworn to secrecy?" The smurfette swiped her blue streaked bangs out of her eyes.

"No." He ground out. He glanced at her. "Okay! Fine!"

Grouchy took a deep breath. "Every spring smurfs start wanting to fall in love, get married, that kind of thing. If you want to hear ramblings about it being some sort of 'mild sentient variation on rut' then you should go ask Brainy. But that's it. Spring time makes a smurf lose their heads and they do stupid things all in the name of love. ...I hate Spring Fever." By now his cheeks were red, he was sure. Baby grabbed his nose, surprising him.

"Ugh! So that's why I keep getting flowers and presents and all of these really awkward pickup lines." Vexy slid her hand over her face. "And that will happen every year?" Grouchy could only nod. He bounced the smurfling a bit, making sure he wasn't making that same goofy face that the other smurfs did when they played with the baby.

"And what about you? No silly flowers? Marriage proposals?" Vexy teased.

The grumpy smurf scowled. "I'm Grouchy. I don't do all those... those... I've got more willpower than the rest of the smurfs." He decided. He did have a crush on Smurfette at one point. What smurf in the village didn't? But after meeting Vexy for the first time, he hadn't given Smurfette another thought. The urge to do something he termed stupid was strong. Ugh. Did he just claim he had more willpower than the other smurfs due to those blasted urges?

"Can I hold her?" He was almost unsure that the hesitant question came from Vexy.

The smurf shrugged. "Sure." He carefully deposited the child into the Smurfette's arms. Unbidden his mind conjured up a vision of her holding a child they called their own. Stop it. You stupid brain, or hormones, or whatever it is! The smurf took a deep breath and let it out.

"It's pretty crazy seeing a real smurfette." Vexy muttered, using her fingers to tickle under the child's chin.

"You're a real smurfette." Grouchy pointed out.

"I mean a real born smurfette. I wasn't born." The former naughtie snarked.

"Does it really matter?" The grump asked gruffly.

Vexy narrowed her eyes. "It matters to me." Well, he'd stepped in that, didn't he?

Grouchy ground his teeth in frustration. Dentist would be after him again, no doubt. "That's not what I meant. I mean it doesn't make Baby any more or less important than you. You're here. You're a smurf. And none of the other smurfs really care about the difference. Smurf, Snappy even tried to make himself a girl just like you and Smurfette." He was suddenly too, too amused by that. He snorted, trying not to laugh. Vexy did laugh, to Baby's delight. A guffaw that started Grouchy cracking up until they were both clutching at their sides.

Grouchy was happy the crowd had long since dispersed. He hated when people saw him laugh. As their chuckles wound down, Vexy silently offered baby back to the smurf.

The dark haired smurfette stood up, brushing off the backside of her skirt. "You should laugh more often, Grouchy." The way she said it had the smurf's brain shorting out again, and he almost said something stupid. Instead, the grumpy smurf was quiet until Vexy walked off, leaving him to take care of Baby. He picked up the kid, holding her close to his face and looking into blue eyes so similar to his own.

"I hate being in love and not telling her, Baby." The grouch whispered.

Baby cooed at him and grabbed his nose again.


	2. Ch 02: In Smurf's Clothing

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

Chapter 02: In Smurf's Clothing

Tracker woke up with the sun, as usual. Today he and Hunter were going on a hunting trip, planning to scour the forest for about two days or so. The woodsmurf really didn't expect that they'd catch anything, given Hunter's horrid aim when it came to trying to kill any creature of the forest. He was sure it was due to the smurf's temperament. Hunter really didn't have it in him to kill.

The bloodhound smurf checked his pack one last time. Satisfied with his preparations, he picked up his lucky hiking stick from it's place beside the door and headed out to the north end of the village. He passed Hefty and waved at the muscle smurf, smelling the air as he passed.

Scent told Tracker a lot of things. Hefty had recently been in contact with Gutsy, for instance. The smell was old, which told him that it was likely shortly before bed. Likely it was another arm-wrestling match between the two. Only slightly fainter was the smell of Smurfette. It didn't surprise Tracker. Those two were near each other every chance they got.

His nose was the reason he already knew that Smurfette was taken.

Not in the physical sense, of course. But they were a couple by just how much the two were around each other. That and he smelled the mutual arousal the both of them gave off in close proximity to each other every spring. His best guess as to why the two hadn't made anything official was a desire from one or both of them not to disappoint the rest of the smurfs who declared their love every spring.

Ah. Spring Fever. It was one of the main reasons he planned out hunting trips during the spring. He could stay out of the village and avoid that insanity. And now there were two of them in the village.

Bugger.

Vexy wasn't attracted to him, no matter what his screaming hormones might plead. He'd spoke with the dark haired smurfette on quite a few occasions, being careful not to let himself spout off with any inane declarations of love. Her scent showed no reaction. He was sure if he tailed her for a day he'd find out if anyone had caught her eye, but why bother? He wasn't Nosey after all. Better to simply get out of the way then become another showpiece in the debacle that was spring in Smurf Village.

Tracker's musings carried him all the way to the meeting place where Hunter awaited him, quiver strapped to the side of his pack and bow in hand.

"Good morning, Hunter." Tracker greeted cheerfully.

"God morgen, Tracker." Hunter mumbled sleepily. His accent was stronger when he was tired.

"Get enough sleep, chap?" Tracker asked. If Hunter had been up half the night, his aim would be more atrocious than usual.

Hunter sighed. "Ingen. No. Handy is smurfing something again. I think working with Archy to smurf a house for the new lille pige. The Smurfling that Snappy and Slouchy oprettet... ah. Created. Why she can't live in one of the tall buildings I do not know." Tracker shook his head in sympathy. Any smurf unlucky to live next to Handy when he started creating was in for a sleepless night.

"You're ok?" Tracker offered. He wouldn't try to push the smurf unless he chose to go ahead with the hunt. It could always be put off for another day.

"Ja. I am ready." The Danish accented smurf hooked the thumb of his free hand under his shoulder strap. "Lead the way, ven." Tracker nodded, and the two smurfs slipped past the barrier and into the forest, planning to make a long loop to wind up at the south of the village in no more than three days. Their route would take them away from Gargamel's and deeper into the forest.

In bits and pieces, the woodsmurf let the cares of the village fall away from him, focusing on the trails of scent that crisscrossed the forest. If he wasn't so good at tracking, it might have been him named Hunter instead of his brother. Gutsy had accompanied him a few times on different hunts, and after Scotsmurf witnessed a kill he had joked that he was a wolf in smurf's clothing.

Sometimes he wondered if he was.

**00000**

It had taken Azrael a while to get away from the owl, and afterward with the moon high she hunted. She had a few chases, but no luck, and as dawn broke she trotted back to her master's. The human had said no dinner, but nothing about no breakfast.

The window was open, so she simply jumped inside, landing gracefully on the stone floor and looking about. Gargamel was still sleeping, but the biggest change to the room was that there was another smurfalator created, sitting in the back corner. It seemed to be a compact version, the cages arranged around the condenser both at the top and bottom. The cat took the time to count them, coming up with two dozen total. Below the condenser was a solid metal pillar that it rested on, the spout with a bottle attached jutting out of the front. From the top of the machine ran a pole that jutted up into the ceiling. The feline guessed that it was the power source.

But where did Gargamel get essence?

The cat used her nose to poke around, finally finding the answer near the door. A bit of the wood had been scraped, but the smell of blood still lingered. So the bleeding smurf had injured itself in here instead of while on the run like she had assumed.

Azrael stretched, then hopped up onto her master's bed. "Rah-rah-raow."

The wizard jerked, and mumbled. "Not now you stupid cat, can't you see..." He trailed off as he rolled over.

"Rah-rah-raow!" The feline called.

"I said not now- I. Oh." The human finally woke up, sitting up at first to berate his familiar before becoming totally conscious.

"Row ra raeraa?" She asked, tilting her head.

The wizard's face lit up in glee. "Yes! Yes, I did get some essence. Those puny little rats left blood behind. I was able to make a new smurfalator! I'll be ready the next time those rodents darken my doorstep! Ahhaha!" The human kicked his covers off and showed the cat his ring. Inside the hollow there glowed a few drops of smurf essence.

"And to think!" He crowed, "Nearly twenty years wasted before I went back and looked at that translation. I could have eaten one of them and been poisoned! But now. Now I have a plan to capture those twitterpaited little twits once and for all!" Hopping out of bed, he strode quickly over to the table.

"I only need another Smurfette. I'll have her lure the smurfs here, and extract more essence until I can finally break that blasted barrier." The wizard ranted.

"Rahr rowrow rawraree?" The feline pointed out.

"What about loyalty?" The human echoed.

"Reah." Azrael flicked her tail as she gazed at him imperiously.

"Why you!" Gargamel growled. But his familiar did have a point. The reason why his other plans involving smurfettes didn't work was because the smurfs won them over. If only he had a like minded spirit like himself to infiltrate his hated enemies. He dared not do it himself, one transformation was enough. Wait. Loyal. Transformation.

Azrael suddenly had a foreboding feeling when Gargamel grinned. He took his wand out and dipped it into his ring.

"Yes. Why NOT you?" Gargamel raised his wand, and the feline stood to run. Before she could bounce off the bed her master had yelled, "Alakasmurf!" and she felt the spell hit her.

Azrael tumbled and shrank, rolling to a stop near the edge of the bed. She groaned as she tried to get up onto all fours again, but that didn't work. Naked, the smurfette looked up at him and glared with yellow eyes.

"Well. Looks like your fur didn't change into clothes." Gargamel said thoughtfully and plucked the old dress and hat from his Smurfette puppet. Azrael pulled them on with a bit of difficulty as she got used to her new limbs. Her hair was still tabby striped -orange-yellow-orange, but short enough that only one band of orange showed once she had her hat on. Her ear was still notched, a small circular cut not really visable through her hair.

The feline turned smurf glared up at her master. "If you could do this, why not turn some rats into smurfs and put them in the smurfalator?" She hissed.

Gargamel was dumbfounded. "I don't even know if that would work."

"Then just try it!" The feline snarled as she tried to stand on two legs and fell over, frustrated.

There was that cruel smile again. Oh shit. Azrael tried to scoot away from the human's reaching hand. "No! Not me! I meant change a rat!"

"Ah. But my dear Azrael, why waste the essence on a rat when I can test your theory out right now? Don't worry, the excruciating pain will only be for a little while." He plopped her down into a cage and flicked a lever. Above the hovel, the crystal absorbed the sun's rays to power the machine.

Azrael screamed.

**00000**

"How do you stand this?" Vexy growled as she and Smurfette strolled through the village.

"You have to remember that they really don't want to smurf this silly. It's just nature." The blond replied.

"Hey you two, wanna surprise?" It was Jokey, and he was holding his usual joke box very, very low. "I promise you'll like this explosion."

Vexy's eye twitched as her patience broke. "That's it! If any smurf comes at me with another stupid pick up line, or flowers, or marriage proposals, I'll knock you into next week!" Jokey backed up from the feisty smurfette with the balled fists.

"I'm not going to deal with smurfs who can't control themselves." The dark haired smurfette ground out. "Spread the word, laughing boy." The prankster could only nod and hustle off as fast as his awkward position could go.

Smurfette sighed. "Vexy. I'm sure Jokey didn't mean to offend you. None of the smurfs around here do."

"What I don't understand is how you can just sit there and smile and grin and then wave them on by! How does that help them learn to control themselves?" The angry smurfette fumed.

Smurfette looked at the ground. That cooled Vexy's wrath considerably.

The brunette took a deep breath. "Look, I just. I really, really can't take all of this attention. I don't have the patience for it."

Smurfette looked up slyly. "So you need to learn to smurf your temper?"

"Touche." Vexy said sheepishly. The feisty female looked about to try and find a distraction from her embarrassment. The silence stretched until she gave up. "Sorry."

"It's ok. Come on, we're supposed to be smurfing with the planting." Smurfette led the way to the fields.

Farmer's fields were very busy, with several smurfs working already. The ground was being tilled, fertilized, hoed, and seeded all by hand. Farmer organized as much as he assisted, the hardworking smurf was currently handing a bag of seeds to a tired looking Slouchy.

"Mornin, ladies." Farmer greeted. "If you could smurf those waterin cans just yonder and start smurfin the planted seeds with Sassette, that'd be just smurfy."

The females headed towards the watering cans, Vexy murmuring to her sister, "See, at least he has his head on straight."

Smurfette chuckled, "Farmer loves his fields just as much as any smurfette." She smiled to herself, recalling one time where the agriculture smurf had written her poetry. If she wasn't so enamored with Hefty...

But that was the problem, she thought as she filled up her watering can. If she made any declarations of love, the rest of the village would devolve into a feud. The incident when she was under a spell of Gargamel's showed her that much.

Vexy spotted the little redhead walking carefully along a row, letting the water soak the ground. Her hair was braided into twin pigtails, and she had a smudge of mud on her cheek.

"Good morning, Sassette. It's smurfy to finally meet you." Smurfette smiled at the smurfling.

"Greetin' Gophers! Good morning!" The little smurfette chirped. "It's really nice to finally see my two big sisters!" She plopped the watering can down in the dirt and rushed up to hug Smurfette, then Vexy. Smurfette brushed some of the mud off of her dress and was glad she was wearing one of her older ones.

"Heh. Nice to meet you too kid." Vexy. "Now, wanna show us where to water?"

The smurfling was all too happy to instruct them, and the three females made their way down the row, stopping to fill up their watering cans when needed. Vexy soon became a bit jealous of Sassette. The smurfs went out of their way to say something to the two adult smurfettes, but pretty much ignored the smurfling.

"You know, if their little insanity isn't aimed toward kids, I vote we spend the spring as smurflings." Vexy finally declared.

"Leapin lizards! That'd be great!" Sassette agreed.

Smurfette laughed, "It is tempting. But we'd have to smurf a troll to get at the fountain of youth." That led to the blond retelling the tale about Papa's time as a smurfling after finding the de-aging water.

It was shortly after the tale that Smurfette happened to look over and her eyes widened. "Archivist? What are you smurfing outside?"

"Who?" Vexy asked, hearing the smurfling echo her as both turned to look.

The smurf looked up from what he was doing, the ever present scroll tucked into a fold of his hat. "Oh, hello Smurfette." He nodded. "And you two must be Vexy and Sassette." He nodded to each in turn.

The smurf glanced back to Vexy and blushed. Here it comes, Vexy thought, but the record smurf coughed instead. "Um. To smurf your question, Papa said I needed some smurfy air and sunshine. Apparently smurfing a window doesn't merit." The smurf gave a shy, lopsided grin at his own joke.

"Why do you need fresh air and sunshine?" Sassette asked.

Archivist glanced down to plant another seed. "I smurf the records for the whole village, including copies of everything smurfed. It smurfs up a lot of my time... and all of my basement really. So I smurf a lot of time in my house."

Sassette frowned. "Isn't that really boring?"

The smurf smiled his lopsided smile again. "Not to me." The smurf reached into his bag to get another seed, then stopped and looked. "Ah. I'm out. I'll smurf if Farmer needs anything more. It was good smurfing you." It was then the girls saw they were at the end of their row, and should start watering the row that Archivist planted.

"Wouldn't he get lonely, being by himself all the time?" Sassette looked at Smurfette.

The blond tipped the last of her water out of her can. "Some smurfs are quiet and keep to themselves more than others. Papa says that there are outgoing and quiet smurfs and that both kinds of smurfs have gifts that make them smurfy."

The planting was going well, but it would take quite a while to finish. The smurfs worked hard, breaking only for lunch.

**00000**

Azrael had went into shock at some point, she was sure. The pain that wracked her body was one of the worst she'd felt. The sudden stop was almost as jarring.

Gargamel had an annoying sensation in the back of his mind, something like a mild headache with some sort of generalized pain. After his familiar stopped screaming the wizard wondered if it wasn't some sort of feedback from the bond with the feline. Determined to at least get a good amount of essence from the transformation, he tried to ignore it and succeeded until his stomach started growling as well. The human reasoned that if the cat hadn't eaten for a day, the machine may kill her.

He turned it off. He couldn't waste his familiar's life just on essence. Azrael was too useful. He watched the cat turned smurf fall to the floor of the little cage, twitching, and checked the beaker of essence. Not bad for a feline, there was at least a tablespoon in there.

Azrael shook, trembling as her nerves got used to not being stimulated. Her master was pleased, she could feel it through the familiar bond. At least something good came out of this torture.

Gargamel pulled out some bread and cheese from the pantry, then paused. Why not reward the cat? He pulled out his wand and transformed the paltry food into a huge banquet. The human removed the transformed smurf from the cage and sat her down on the table.

"Congratulations Azrael, with this plan, we'll be able to get all of the essence we'll need. So eat, my pet. You'll need your strength to recuperate."

The transformed feline picked herself shakily off the table, looking at the large spread of food. Jerkily she picked up a tiny cup, gulping the water held within. Slowly the temporary smurf started eating.

Gargamel sat down to eat too, relishing the taste of foods he'd not had since his time in the Kingdom of Paris. He chewed thoughtfully. The problem with the transformation spell was it lasted around three days maximum, if he wanted a longer term source of essence, he'd have catch a real smurf.

The human glanced at his familiar and he thought of another way. The spell that he'd been after just a few months ago. It came back to that. But this time, he had a loyal smurfette to obtain the formula. The cat turned smurfette had eaten her fill, falling asleep with her head resting on a dinner roll.

"Azrael, wake up." The evil wizard grinned as the smurf's head shot up. "I've had a change in plans. I'm going to renew your transformation spell, then you will go to the smurf village and steal the formula used to change my other creations into real smurfs. With that in hand, I can transform rats, mice, birds, anything into smurfs and extract their essence. Think of it, you'll be a cat in smurf's clothing! Ahhaha!"

Azrael dropped her head back onto the roll. "Can I at least take a nap first?" She whined.

"Fine. Take a nap. Then it will be time to destroy those smurfs!" The human cackled and bit into another chicken leg.

As an afterthought, the human brandished his wand again. "No time like the present. Alakasummon!" Dragged out of a crack in the stone wall came three mice, which the wizard held in magical bindings. One by one, the rodents were plopped into the cages of the smurfalator, squealing in fear.

"Alakasmurf!" The human called out to focus his will, and the three mice were transformed into smurfs. They let out wordless cries, unaccustomed to being sentient, unlike Azrael. Casually, the evil human flicked the switch on the machine, turning it on. The former mice squealed and cried in pain.

Gargamel settled back into his chair. "Ah, the music of essence making." He drank deeply from his goblet, satisfied.

Azrael made an annoyed noise as she lifted her head up off the roll again. How rude, to make such noise while she was trying to nap. With a disgruntled sigh, she stood slowly up. At least she wasn't shaking like a leaf anymore.

Gargamel noticed his familiar. "Ah, Azrael you're up. Good." Without any warning he brandished his wand, and suddenly she was a cat dressed in a smurf outfit. The feline made an annoyed yowl before her master cast the spell again, re-transforming her into a smurfette. At least her dress looked better now, even though the feline disliked the breeze.

"There, now you'll be able to blend in with the smurfs, and obtain that formula." The wizard scooped up his familiar and placed her on the ground.

"Could you change this into something less frilly?" The transformed cat complained.

"Oh, very well." Another blast from the wand and the smurfette was in smurf pants with a simple white band around her chest.

"Not what I had in mind, but I can work with this." Azrael grumbled. Knowing the impatience of her master she headed to the door, slipping out of the crack. Once on the stoop the former feline scanned the forest from the relative safety near her master's lair.

She should have asked for some kind of weapon. Being so used to always having her claws with her, Azrael now felt very vulnerable without them. She thought for a moment, then headed toward a hawthorn bush. Thorns would do where claws were absent. Pulling off three, she carried one and pinned one to her hat. The third she tucked carefully inside her hat. The thorns were like small daggers for stabbing, and the transformed familiar felt a good deal safer now that she had some form of protection.

Into the forest she walked, trying to smell old paths. At least her nose wasn't diminished in this form, unlike when her master was angry and turned her into a toad. She followed the trail of the smurf chase that happened the previous night, coming to a stop at a tree. Climbing proved to be more difficult without claws than she'd imagined, and she fell several times before she got the hang of it.

In the hollow, there was a nest of sorts, the three must have spent the night here, and then headed to their village. Taking a nap here wouldn't be a bad idea, she thought. Relatively safe and no screaming to interrupt her. She had two days at least, she was sure. Azrael dropped into the hollow and pulled some leaves over her, falling asleep within moments.

**00000**

She awoke with a start at the sound of hooting. That wasn't good, she must have been more tired than she thought. It was night outside of the nest, and she climbed out of the hole to carefully drop down to the ground. She'd better find the village in a hurry. She followed the scent of the injured one, figuring he would head back to get his wound tended to. That and the smell of smurf blood was the strongest, and some of the trail was getting too faint in places.

The trail was winding, but in the same general direction, and eventually she came to the barrier. She passed through it, looking critically at the mushroom shaped houses that wavered into view. The former feline grinned ferally. All the smurfs were likely asleep, and now was the perfect time to try and steal that formula. She just had to find the leader's house.

From house to house she went, sniffing at the doors, trying to figure out where Papa Smurf lived. The smurfs were hard to discern by individual scent though, her nose wasn't THAT good.

Wait. This one smelled of books and parchment as well. She quietly tried the door. It was unlocked. She crept in, scanning the area and glad that she kept her nightvision. This little house didn't look like the right one, so she left as silently as she came. Another dozen houses and one smelled of potion ingredients. The door was unlocked and she padded in once again. There were beakers and glass vials on a small work table, and shelves of books.

This must be it! The transformed feline started leafing through the books, trying to find the formula. She quietly checked the whole shelf, eating away her time and become more nervous as dawn approached. In her haste to reach another book, she bumped one she'd already placed back. It fell to the ground with a thud.

"Blast it Brainy! What have I told you about sneaking in here?" Alchemist growled as he looked at the shadowy figure.

Azrael fled out the door. Blast it all, that wasn't the old smurf's place! She fled down the path, wanting to be in the safety of the brush before the sun came up. She had yet to check the three larger buildings that had been built since their time in the other world. She made it to the bushes and dove in. She could make it to a tree growing near her, then spy on the village. She wove through the shrubs and scooted around the tree, climbing up the side facing away from the village.

From there, she found a fairly comfortable limb to climb out on and watch things. There were three smurfs currently outside their homes, but none of them sported the white beard she was looking for. Azrael's eyes scanned the village for more movement. Two of the three smurfs met up and left, while the other jogged out of sight. Suddenly, it seemed like the village came to life, with several smurfs coming out of doors at once.

There he was! The feline spotted the white beard and looked at the houses close to him, memorizing the layout of the area to be sure she'd check those. Azrael watched the area until her eyes closed.

She felt she was falling just before she woke back up, her arms instinctively trying to claw to find purchase. She managed to grab a handhold and stop her fall, though now she dangled by just her fingers.

"Oh no! Look out!" A voice called down from below. Great. Just great. She'd been spotted.

"Hey, use your smurf hat, remember?" Another voice called. There were murmurings that the feline barely made out with her cat-like hearing.

"Who is that?"

"Maybe it's Clueless?"

"Nah, I bet it's Lazy."

"No. I'm right here." A yawn followed.

"Hey, I see red hair, maybe it's Hackus?"

Blast it all. She was going to have to meet them, if she survived this. A name came almost instantly to her: Huntress. Any further thought unraveled as she felt the bark peeling slowly away from the tree.

With a sudden snap, the bark flaked off the tree and she was tumbling through the air and screaming. "Ahhhh!" She turned in the air on instinct, watching the ground rush towards her. Suddenly a patch of white spread out between four smurfs and that was what she landed on.

"It's another lass!" One of them called out, surprised.

"So. What's yer name, honey?" Another asked.

Finally able to get her bearings, Azrael looked up. She was surrounded by over three dozen curious smurfs.

"S-s-so many." She muttered, shrinking down to try and make herself smaller. If she were still a cat, her ears would have folded back.

"Where did you smurf from?" That one had a leaf on his hat. If they figured her out they could turn on her quickly.

"I'm Huntress. From the forest." She answered nervously. "I've never seen so many... so many like me."

"Smurf the lady some air ya mooks!" The smurf that spoke was muscled with a tattoo. What was that one called again... Heavy?

"It's a pleasure to meet yeh, Huntress." The one dressed in a skirt bowed. Azrael unfolded herself and stood. That one was another one she should know. Gutsy. That was it.

"Thank you. This is really unexpected. When I came upon this place by moonlight I thought it was a pixie village, or perhaps imps or faeries." She looked at the gathered crowd. "Never thought I'd meet so many of my kind at once."

The crowd suddenly erupted in questions and chatter. Azrael's mind raced. Should she try to answer those questions? Her knees bent as she subconsciously got ready to run.

"Enough!" The muscle smurf shouted. It wasn't Heavy, but it was close. Hefty! That was it! "Let's let Papa smurf this out. Make way."

The large smurf's hand gripped her lightly by her elbow and she started walking alongside Hefty. The transformed cat's mind raced. Come from another village? No, they'd want to know where it was. Never seen another smurf is what she was going for. That spur of the moment decision was something she'd have to stick by. Weaving a lie from the truth would be best. She was raised by the Wizard that created her, and his name was... Phineas. She could twist some of the things she did in a more positive light. Like hunting mice and rats to earn her name. She decided Phineas wouldn't be a goody wizard, nor a dark one, but one that pursued knowledge for it's own sake. The thought of trying to paint any of Gargamel's deeds in a good light almost made her laugh.

They soon arrived at a red topped house, and the two went up the walkway. Hefty knocked on the door, and Azrael... she should start mentally calling herself Huntress as to not slip up -she glanced behind her to see that the curious crowd had grown. Up the walkway came Smurfette, with a curious expression on her face.

Papa answered the door. "Hello Hefty wh- My smurfness!" The elder exclaimed as he noticed Huntress. "Who are you?"

"I'm Huntress." The smurfette responded.

"Come in, please." Papa held open the door and beckoned her inside. At least now she knew which house she needed to break into. The elder offered her a seat, and she took it while thanking him politely. Hefty and Smurfette sat down in nearby chairs and Papa took a chair facing her.

Finally settled, the older smurf began. "How did you come to find the village?" He asked. Apparently he noticed the lack of the word 'smurf' in her speech and spoke plain english.

"I just stumbled upon it really. I told... uh" She flicked her hand at Hefty, who supplied his name. "Hefty and the others that I thought it was a pixie or imp or faerie village. Oh! Thank you for catching me too. That was terribly impolite of me not to say so until now." A little sweetening to the lie never hurt. And she knew how to use manners.

"Where did you smurf from?" Smurfette asked, eyes focusing on the thorns poked through Huntress's hat.

"I was made by the Wizard Phineas of Castellac. I was something of a novelty, I earned my keep hunting down the mice and rats in his tower, it's how I chose my name."

"You were smurfed by a wizard? Did he smurf the True Blue spell afterwards?" Smurfette leaned in, and Azrael realized she'd have to say no to that. What human would know that spell?

"True Blue Spell?" The transformed feline echoed. "I thought I was a smurf already?" Huntress looked confused.

Papa stood, heading to the bookshelf and selecting a blue volume. "Unfortunately, when wizards create creatures, they're often magical copies. They're close enough to fool anyone who looks at them, but deep down, they're still created beings."

"No smurf's eyes are yellow like that." Hefty added

"So the Unicorn he made wasn't really a Unicorn?" The cat in smurf's skin asked. Hoping that they wouldn't equate yellow eyes to her real form.

"Smurfsactly." The red clad smurf said. "Fortunately, I have the True Blue Spell right here." Azrael stared at the book, a sudden dread gripping her.

To keep her cover, she'd have to be turned into a real smurf. Blast Gargamel and his hare-brained schemes!

"And you're in luck." Papa smiled. "Just yesterday I had to smurf this spell for little Sassette, so I already have all the ingredients."

"That's good." Her lack of excitement seemed to be noticed by the other smurfs, and she quickly covered. "I'm sorry. It's just overwhelming. I thought I was always real and then. Then I'm not." From Smurfette's reaction, she seemed to have passed the test.

Papa was pulling bottles off the shelves and starting his cauldron. "It's understandable. It's even possible to be frightened. But I assure you, you'll feel much more smurfy once I perform the spell." He paused thoughtfully. "Though I do have to ask if you want me to smurf the spell."

Damn it brain, think! After a moment of hesitation, Azrael couldn't see any way to explain an answer of no. "Yes."

The elder nodded to the other two smurfs in the room, who stood and left. The transformed feline felt like snatching the book away and bolting herself. But the crowd could still be seen outside the door, and she wasn't sure she could get away. Then what would they do? Send her back to Gargamel and she'd get stuck in the smurfalator again, that's what. Anything was better than that torture. Not to mention her bond as familiar kept her from moving. She still had a mission for her master.

"If you'll stand here, we can begin." The transformed smurf stood and meekly took her place across the cauldron. If she could only find a way to go against her master's commands, but that only worked if her life was in danger. The familiar bond was a lot of things, but sometimes it was a yoke around her neck.

Would the bond survive this spell?

Papa began to mix the ingredients. "Add some smurfroot for the base, then one loving truth." He dumped roots into the water, and it turned blue. Then a glowing orb was added. The blue water began to shimmer magically.

"A drop of mink oil, mimosa pollen, a dab of royal jelly, tiger lilly." Each item went into the pot and the mixture swirled slowly under it's own power.

"And less this spell be all for naught, the final thing: One hopeful thought." Papa intoned, watching the mixture swirl then produce a glowing orb of blue.

Azrael couldn't help it, she backed up fearfully as the orb flew toward her, flying into her chest. There was no pain, only a tingling sensation that spread from her chest outward.

Then it got to her head and she felt the familiar bond break as her hair changed color.

A flood of emotions suppressed by the bond flooded her and she gasped. These were her own emotions, not echoed ones projected by her master. The sudden change was exhilarating and terrifying at once. The smurfette felt something drip on her hand and realized she was weeping.

"Why?" She managed, thoroughly confused.

"Are you ok, Huntress?" Papa asked as he moved around the cauldron and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I... I don't know. It's like having a very stuffy nose and then suddenly being able to smell again. But with emotions. I never realized..." The smurfette clutched at her head. This wasn't her. She was Azrael! A mean, proud, powerful hunter! Being turned into a smurf had messed with her mind, clearly. She took a few calming breaths and wiped her eyes, shoving her emotions aside.

"I'll be fine. Thank you for finishing my creation." The former feline bobbed her head in a slight bow.

"It was my pleasure, my little smurf. Now, if you like, you can talk to Smurfette and she'll smurf you around the village. By now those two have likely smurfed your story to all the smurfs, so at least you won't have to smurf so many questions." The bearded smurf chuckled. "Well, unless it's from Nosey. He may want to interview you for the paper."

Huntress wasn't sure how she walked out under her own power. The crowd had thinned, apparently hearing her story satisfied many or someone had shooed them away. The redhead searched for blond hair and finally spotted Smurfette. She headed over to her new 'sister'.

"Um. Papa Smurf said that you would show me around?" Huntress asked.

"Oh, yes! Let's smurf the grand tour!" Smurfette turned and started with Papa's house, adding in that messing with his equipment was against the rules. As the smurfettes strolled along, they were waved to by many of the passing smurfs. The tour took up the better part of a few hours, and by the end Huntress was exhausted.

"Do you think I could get a nap in?" The redhead asked tiredly. "This has been entirely too much excitement for one day. Usually being awake at night doesn't help either."

"Oh, of course. We've got plenty of spare rooms in the smurfominiums. She pointed to the three large buildings in the village. Each was five stories tall, and about twice the size in diameter than the smaller mushroom shaped houses. These were camouflaged to look like stumps, their exterior painted a woody brown and conical roofs shaped to look like a beaver had gnawed them. They headed to the closest one.

"I know that Painter and Sculptor smurf the first two floors of this one for their studios, but I think the top three floors are smurf, and they're fully furnished thanks to Handy." Smurfette explained as she opened the door and took a sharp left into the stairwell. The third floor proved to be where the two artistic smurfs had stored the furniture from their claimed floors, and on a whim Huntress climbed one more set of stairs just to get to the top floor.

The tired former feline thanked her guide, seeking out and finding a bed. She was asleep quickly, and didn't notice Smurfette cover her with a blanket.

In her dreams Azrael hunted mice as a cat.

**00000**

She awoke again hearing a bell. Sliding out of bed and heading to the window, she watched other smurfs head towards the mess hall. It must be dinner time. Now was a good time to steal that formula and head back. She waited, watching the crowd thin down to nothing as nearly all the smurfs in the village went to eat. The former feline made her way down the stairs, heading to Papa's house.

She was almost to the walkway of the Elder's house when a smurf appeared walking around a house toward her. He noticed her immediately and Huntress cursed her luck.

"Hey, you're Huntress right? Aren't you hungry? That was the dinner bell smurfing." The smurf asked with a smile.

"Yes, and I-" Her stomach betrayed her with a hungry rumble. "I was just heading there. I think."

"Oh you're smurfing the wrong way. Walk with me?" The smurf asked.

It wasn't like she could argue. And she was hungry. "Ok. What's your name?" The female turned and started matching the smurf's pace.

"I'm Dabbler. Or Doctor Dabbler when I'm smurfing smurfs." Dabbler stared at her for a moment. "Care for a checkup?" The smurf clapped his hand over his mouth and looked embarrassed.

"What was that about?" Huntress asked. It reminded her of a bird strutting around looking for a mate. Dabbler sheepishly started explaining about Spring Fever. It was like a bird strutting, the former cat thought wryly.

A horrifying thought occurred to her. What if smurfettes went into heat? Oh that'd be the last thing she'd need. She'd have to figure out how to lock herself up, or make a potion like Gargamel did for her when she was a cat. He didn't like noisy toms invading his home. She didn't get to ask, as they were already at the mess hall. A dozen tables held the smurfs as they sat and talked or ate (or in Sloppy's case both). Along each table was a spread of foods, though the table with a rather plump smurf was looking pretty empty.

Without any information to go by, Huntress followed Dabbler as he seated himself at a table with five other smurfs. She sat down at the place beside him.

"Hey, you must be Huntress." A smurf with a white coat spoke up.

"Yes." She smiled "But I don't know any of your names aside from Dabbler."

The white coat wearing smurf started introductions. "I'm Dentist, this is Potter." A smurf with a dark brown apron on waved, blushing furiously.

"I'm Glassmaker." He had on green overalls.

"I'm Weather." This one was dressed in a plain white hat, and the former feline couldn't see anything to tell him apart.

The last smurf had on a dark hat with stars on it, and wore a cape of the same cloth. He smiled at the smurfette. "Alchemist. I could smurf you a few of my tricks." The smurf wagged his eyebrows.

Dabbler groaned. "We were smurfing so well."

"I think I'd rather get something to eat." Huntress commented with her best utterly bored expression. She really needed to learn how to dissuade this posturing. She was sure hissing and swiping at them wouldn't go over well.

Suddenly the table of smurfs decided to help her fill her plate, making comments about how this or that dish was really smurfy, and she should try it. With her plate suddenly piled high, she tried to decide what to nibble on first. Wait. Was that meat? She picked up a fork and skewered the morsel, biting into it and discovering the taste of cooked rabbit.

She smiled. "I'm glad real smurfs eat meat too. This is good rabbit." Alchemist beamed, he'd served her that.

"We don't eat as much as humans do, but we can smurf it all the same." Dabbler informed her.

"Do all smurfs hunt?" She asked, genuinely curious. None of them smelled like they hunted.

"Oh no." Dentist answered, looking amused. "Some smurfs won't smurf meat, like Vanity and Mirror. Chef and Baker usually smurf a no-meat table smurfed up at every meal. Most of our meat is smurfed by Tracker, though Greedy is pretty good at smurfing snares."

"Greedy will try to smurf anything at least once." Potter chuckled. "He got really sick when he tried to smurf raw rabbit that he smurfed once. He's also the best at smurfing mushrooms, if only because Papa had to smurf it into his head which ones could smurf him."

The conversation around her was filled with so many variations on 'smurf' the former feline began to tune it out. Huntress selected something else from her plate and chewed thoughtfully. At least as a real smurf, smurfberries didn't taste so sickly sweet. Or perhaps it was just her former sense of taste. She started questioning what the dishes were. Most were like human dishes with smurfberries added, like smurfberry tarts. Some were plain, like the bread, which was buttery and warm.

Would Gargamel even be able to change her back? She wondered suddenly. Maybe he could change her into a human. She liked that idea. Actually becoming a sorceress herself and wielding the power she'd seen her master use over the years. Perhaps she'd keep the smurfs as pets. They were amusing little creatures.

"So what is your favorite food, Huntress?" Dentist asked, dragging her from her thoughts.

The hunter smurfette thought for a moment. "Caviar. It's got this incredible fishy taste and it's so delicious." Huntress grinned with nostalgia. "Of course, I haven't had any for a while."

She paused. "I think next to that, fish in general. Of course, you can't beat the pre-meal show of a bird flapping around after you've taken off it's head." She sighed happily.

Glassmaker choked on his drink. The smurfette noticed all the smurfs at the table were staring at her wide-eyed. Apparently the non-hunting smurfs were horrified at feline dinner theater. She'd have to watch that.

She shrugged unapologetically. "Apparently that's not something smurfs do. Noted."

Potter cleared his throat. "It uh... just smurfs a little cruel." Azrael thought about that. It didn't seem cruel to her, since the bird didn't have it's head and wasn't feeling anything at that point. It wasn't like gutting a mouse and letting it drag it's entrails on the floor. Come to think of it even Gargamel hadn't liked when she did that to mice. Was she cruel by nature then? As a cat she'd never thought about it, she just was what she was.

"Not cruel, really. They don't have a smurf to feel pain." Dabbler said thoughtfully. "But it does seem unsmurfy to the animal. They're already smurfing their lives so you can eat." He finished quietly.

Huntress figured she'd better say something to get back in the good graces of her temporary hosts. "Well, so long as I live in the village, I'll be more respectful of the animals I hunt." From the pleased looks, they fell for it. Too bad she'd only be in the village for perhaps a day or two more.

The conversation turned to after dinner plans, and the former feline answered truthfully that she wasn't sure what she'd do before bedtime. After bedtime was another matter entirely. Somehow, the group talked her into going to the theatre with them, where she watched a play telling the story of the smurf's adventures in Paris. It ended with Gargamel's defeat, and Azrael remembered being grabbed by her master and pulled back through the portal. She shuddered.

"I know, scary right?" Dabbler nudged her with an elbow. "To think he almost smurfed enough power to smurf us all..." It was then Huntress realized he'd misinterpreted her shudder.

"I still would love to smurf a straight answer out of that wizard. Why attack us? Papa smurfs with Homibus for essence." Weather's lamenting surprised Huntress. She didn't know they'd freely give their essence to anyone. Did her master know about this? Or was he more cat than human, only seeing prey?

That was a good explanation, she decided, and voiced it. "Some creatures don't see the world in right and wrong, only predator or prey. The scary ones can think and plan." That only partially fit Gargamel, but she figured it a good answer anyway. The smurfs near her were quiet.

The crowd began to thin as the little blue people left to go to bed. Huntress nodded as the smurfs around her bid her a goodnight and left.

"If you don't have a bed, Huntress, you can smurf mine." Potter grinned at her. The former feline gave her bored look as Weather dragged him away. "I regret nothing!" He called out defiantly. The bored look seemed to work, she decided.

Finally free of her company, the smurfette spy made her way back to the apartment she'd slept in earlier. She only ducked into the stairwell and waited. Dusk turned to night, and soon everything was quiet. Huntress crept out and into the night, making her way to Papa Smurf's house. The door was unlocked, and she snuck in. She knew the book she had to get, and padded over to the bookshelf. The lack of light wasn't an issue for her eyes, and she pulled the book out and started flipping the pages.

It didn't take long for her find the spell, and she carefully tore it out. The ripping of the paper seemed deafening.

She finished and sighed in relief before replacing the book and heading out. Once the door was shut, Huntress trotted quickly out of the village and headed to Gargamel's.


	3. Ch 03: Like an Animal

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-Reviews-**  
**Thank you Lac Lausanne for your review! I tend to plot around and pull crazy turns here and there, so stay tuned for more. Also, the bond is partially inspired by Familiars from Dungeons and Dragons. Glad you're enjoying the story so far! :D**

Chapter 03: Like an Animal

It was sometime in the middle of the night when Azrael arrived at her master's place. The area was blissfully silent, so at least the smurfalator was off. She slipped through the crack again, looking around. A mound in a transformed bed told her Gargamel was asleep. She looked at the torture device. There seemed to be a lump in every cage. The former feline's eyes widened in shock. The wizard had been very busy.

Well now. What to do? Boredom would quickly set in. If she were still a cat, she could go hunting. Unfortunately she lacked claws. She was also torn between waking her master up or letting him sleep. It would be just a small drop of repayment for getting stuck in the smurfalator, but he could also easily curse her with magic.

Finally she decided the risk was worth fighting boredom, and padded over to the elaborate four poster bed. She climbed up the curtains, pulling herself onto the bed. She made sure to stay off to one side to keep from getting squashed.

"Gargamel!" She called out.

"I told you. I. Uh." The wizard mumbled in his sleep.

Azrael got an idea, pulling the thorn out of her hat. She then jabbed her master in the foot with it. She felt a bit vindicated, being able to harm him after being run through the smurfalator.

"Ahh!" The human screamed, his foot jerking away from the pain and both hands going to the wounded appendage to try and soothe the pain. He sat up and saw his familiar, but didn't recognize her.

"Attack me in my sleep will you, you blasted smurf!" He dove for his wand.

"Gargamel it's me! Azrael!" The smurfette shouted. Why did she impulsively do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Luckily, her master realized it was his former cat. "Azrael, you stupid cat! I should put you back in the smurfalator for that!" He loomed over the bed.

"Do that and I'll rip up this smurf formula." The hunter smurfette taunted.

It was almost comical, how wide his eyes became. "You did it! Oh! The smurf formula! Azrael I could kiss you! Well, if you weren't so disgustingly like a smurf." Her being a cat would've stopped him before anyway.

The cat in smurf's skin handed over the small sheet. Her master fairly skipped over to his work table and pulled out his needed supplies. Using a magnifying glass, the wizard copied it carefully over onto a larger sheet of parchment. Once he was done, he leaned back and admired the work.

"Those little beasts will never know what hit them." The human crowed suddenly.

"There's a little problem." Azrael started. She saw the raised brow as a command to continue. "In order to get that, I had the spell used on me."

"Ahhh. So that's what broke the bond. I thought you'd died." Gargamel muttered thoughtfully. "I just have to figure out a reversal to the layered spells, though you may have to spend a year or so in that body."

"Lucky me." The redhead deadpanned. With his luck in spellcasting, she figured the time would be closer to five years than one. And that was -if- the human dedicated himself to the project.

"Since you're stuck." The wizard mused, "You could be the perfect spy. Report back their movements, their weaknesses, all the information you can gather."

"Ugh. I've got to go back? But the males are like toms sniffing around me. I don't like it." Azrael whined.

"Eeew! Yeuch! I did not need that mental image! You can leave any of that out of your reports." Gargamel shuddered.

"I don't want the memories!" The former cat hissed. She didn't want her new emotions either. It was much simpler being his familiar.

"Well, you can go back, or I can put you back in the smurfalator." The human sneered. Checkmate.

"Fine. I'm going. Where's the mirror?" Huntress growled. Gargamel enchanted a small hand mirror, shrank it, and handed it to her. She tucked it into her hat. "And could I get some kind of weapon? I don't like walking around in the forest without claws."

"Alright, alright. The things I do." The wizard muttered as he dug through a trunk and pulled out a rusty dagger in an old belt sheath. Renewing it with magic and shrinking it, Azrael buckled it on gratefully. Hopping off the bed, the former feline squeezed out of the crack in the door again, setting off into the forest and heading back to the village.

The woods were quiet and starlit. It was soothing to her to be in the forest, though she found her small size annoying. The larger grasses were impossible jungles, though at least once she got in the thick copse of trees there was nothing but leaf litter and the occasional rock or log to go around or over.

What if a smurf saw her coming back in? She supposed she could always say she went hunting. Why not hunt? Show them how to kill properly. Using her nose, she followed a promising trail. It didn't take her long to find the common quail in it's nest. The bird actually opened it's eyes and looked at her without fleeing. Fatal mistake, she thought gleefully. One quick jab with the dagger through the eye and into the brain and the bird flopped uselessly along the ground until it's death throes were complete.

Now she had to drag it back to the village. Cleaning her weapon and sheathing it, she grabbed a wing and started pulling. It was slow going, having to drag something a little more than her own body weight through the woods. By the time she reached the village, tired and sweating, the sun had just risen.

She dragged the bird over a bridge that spanned a small creek. She stopped as a small crowd gathered before her, and dropped the wing just on the village side of the bridge.

"I've got breakfast." She announced proudly. Rather than accepting the meat, the smurfs just stared. One with a flower in his hat fainted. Her feline hearing picked up some of the mutterings.

"That poor bird!" There were a lot of interations of this one.

"She killed it." And this one.

"Well her name -is- Huntress." At least a few of them understood.

The former feline was about to say something when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hvad smølf!" She whirled around to see two backpack wearing smurfs, one with a bow and the other with a walking stick.

The bowsmurf spoke again. "Du have to field dress the animal before you bring it in, dame. It makes quite a mess." The other smurf only stared at her. Tracker was shocked. What was Azrael doing in the village? Did the other smurfs know?

Finally she gave an annoyed sigh. "Fine." She picked up the wing she'd used to drag it and turned the carcass slowly, so she could drag it back over the bridge. This seemed to snap the smurf with the stick out of his trance. He had a feather in his hat, she noted.

Both smurfs stepped off the bridge, but the feather capped smurf came closer to her. "Might I assist?" He asked.

He was close enough that she could smell him. This was was a hunter, no doubt. She nodded and watched as he waved to his bow carrying friend. He took up the other wing, and with the load lightened, they made good time out some distance from the village.

"So what's your name?" The smurfette asked. He was staring at her again and it was beginning to unnerve her.

"I'm Tracker." The woodsmurf answered. "Just here is good, we can clean the bird and smurf it back to the kitchens after." He dropped his pack down, pulling a knife from it and laying that on top of the backpack. They plucked it first, working on a side each and letting the feathers drift where they may. When they got to the wings, the smurf sat aside the pinion feathers.

"We use these for quills. Poet will like them." Tracker explained distractedly. He was thinking about what could be going on. Why would the wizard send his familiar in disguise to the village?

Once the bird was clean, Tracker gutted it with his knife, working efficiently to dress it. There wasn't much for Huntress to do at that point but watch. As a cat she usually ate the things he was throwing out. The heart especially.

Finally finished, it could be cut into any number of pieces, or kept whole and roasted. She strung the bird up with a rope, then wrapped a few leaves around it to keep from getting it or herself dirty as she carried it. The smurfette followed the woodsmurf down to the creek. There he washed his knife and arms. He turned and looked at her again, a thought coming to him.

"The bird's not poisoned is it?" Tracker suddenly asked.

"What?" Huntress wasn't expecting a question like that. "No. I caught it wild. It doesn't smell like it's been eating hemlock either."

"So this isn't some smurf of Gargamel?" The smurf raised a brow. "I smurfed who you were as soon as we met, Azzy Smurf." The woodsmurf smirked at his own joke.

Alarm jolted through her like a lightning strike. She was caught. They'd kick her out. She'd go back and get stuck in the smurfalator. "I-I'm Huntress." She tried to bluff.

"My nose doesn't lie, unlike a smurftain wizard's familiar." Tracker wasn't buying it. "You smurf too strongly of Azrael to be anything but a smurf of her." The smurf came closer to her, inhaling deeply through his nose.

"If you weren't the cat in disguise, I'd smurf something underneath, something unique to a smurf I've never smurfed before. So." He stated confidently. "What are you smurfing, Azzy?"

The smurfette's heart beat a faster as the smurf caught her scent. The truth? Or more lies? She had to decide quick, and couldn't think of any good lies. Truth it was. "Gargamel transformed me two days ago, and then I had to open my stupid mouth and ask him why he didn't just use transformed rats to get essence. He stuck me in the smurfalator to test that theory out."

Tracker's eyes widened. Just when he thought he'd seen all the cruelty humans had to offer.

With more confidence in her story, the former feline continued. "He pulled me out after about four hours, I think. He wanted the formula to make real smurfs, and sent me here to get it. I started looking for it, but couldn't find the right house before dawn. So I climbed a tree to try and find out. I fell asleep and then fell off the tree, and the smurfs took me to Papa Smurf. I lied and said I was a creation of another wizard, and then they cornered me into accepting the spell." She growled at that, but she was thinking while she was telling her tale. "It was that or blow my cover."

"The True Blue spell broke the familiar bond. I know if I go back now he'll stick me in the smurfalator for good." She shuddered. It was true, and she realized that then. Why was she still being loyal to a master that would do that? Before she supposed she could blame the bond. It suppressed any negative emotions toward her master and prevented her from harming him intentionally. But now? Habit, she supposed. It was a habit she'd have to break.

"Does Papa know? Did you smurf anysmurf what you just smurfed me?" Tracker asked.

"No." Huntress sighed, wondering why she knew that 'smurf' meant 'tell'. "If they knew, they'd throw me out."

"I think you'd be surprised." The woodsmurf offered the former feline his hand. She hesitated a moment before taking it and he led her back to the cleaning site. They gathered up the bird and backpack and headed back into the village. Tracker lead her back across the bridge and they headed to the kitchens, just beside the mess hall. Along the way, he asked his brethren about their elder's whereabouts. Huntress followed him, lost in thought.

"I smurfed him just a few smurfs ago at Farmer's fields." A smurf in red overalls told them.

"Thanks, Mason." Tracker nodded to the other smurf and they continued on. Finally they arrived at the kitchens. It was a large brick room with several fire ovens, stations for pots, and a wide area for cooking with pans. Chef and Baker were still doing breakfast preparations and seemed to be moving fluidly around each other with the practiced ease of professionals. The two culinary smurfs noticed their arrival.

"Sorry we're too busy to smurf you." Chef called out. "If you'll just smurf that up over in the corner there, we'll smurf it for lunch."

"Quite all right, chaps." The woodsmurf answered. "We're smurf then, cheerio!"

Though she had been to the fields the day before on the tour, she was glad she had a guide again. They finally spotted Papa smurf talking to a smurf in a straw hat with green overalls.

"There's Papa with Farmer." The woodsmurf noted as they headed over.

Farmer noticed them coming first. "Mornin Tracker. And you must be Huntress. Pleased to smurf ya, Ma'am." The agriculture smurf held out his hand and the smurfette shook it. Papa smurf smiled at the interaction.

"If you don't mind, Farmer, I need to smurf Papa away to have a word." Tracker looked at the Elder seriously.

"I'll be a smurf, Tracker." The bearded smurf dismissed, and Huntress backed off to go stand by the fence bordering the fields. Tracker watched her for a moment before following the smurfette and standing nearby.

The former feline wondered what she should do. She didn't like her odds outside of the village, and other humans would see her as a novelty to be caged. Going back to Gargamel was out of the question.

Would the smurfs truly allow her to stay if she lay all of her cards on the table?

The mirror suddenly felt heavy on her head where it rested under her hat. Her yellow flecked blue eyes widened. The mirror! She could present that to Papa smurf. And what else? She was supposed to be a spy, why not make false reports? The chance at a little more revenge for her mistreatment made Huntress smile.

"What are you up to?" Tracker asked, eyeing what could only be a devious smile on the smurfette.

That jogged the redhead out of her plotting. "Just plotting a bit of revenge for my time in that thrice damned smurfalator."

The woodsmurf started to say something, but Papa was walking up to them.

"Now, Tracker, smurf's the matter?" The elder asked.

"I've uncovered a smurf by Gargamel." Tracker began.

Papa's eyes widened. "Perhaps we should smurf indoors somewhere. Your smurf is closest, shall we?"

"Of course, Papa." The woodsmurf led the way to his mushroom shaped house, almost identical to the rest. Outside there hung a coil of rope on a hook by the door, and below that rested a walking stick that had seen better days. Tracker pulled off his backpack and sat it just inside the door as he entered. The other two smurfs entered, Huntress looking around with interest.

Inside his home the walls were lined with hooks, each holding outdoor items. Snowshoes, harnesses, bundles of food, snares, a string of garlic. What wall space wasn't taken up by hanging items was occupied by other things, like skis or extra walking sticks. A large store of firewood was nestled by the fireplace, and a door leading to his bedroom on the other side.

"What has Gargamel smurfed this time?" Papa looked worriedly between smurf and smurfette.

"As soon as I smurfed Huntress this morning, she smelled familiar." Tracker looked at the former feline, waiting for her to confess.

The redhead sighed. "He smelled Azrael. Because that's who I am." She grumbled adding, "Or was? Ever since the familiar bond broke, I don't know." Huntress started relating her tale to a shocked Papa. She told him everything, even what she left out while telling Tracker the tale.

The bearded smurf stood stunned as he absorbed the information. It angered him that this trick would have gone off without a hitch if it weren't for Tracker's nose. But the expression on Huntress's face stopped him from saying anything yet. The smurfette looked entirely lost. That was probably the most apt way to describe it. He remembered the way she wept after she was changed into a real smurf.

The breakfast bell clanged in the distance.

And there was the issue of her theft to deal with. The spell could be replaced easily enough, thanks to Archivist, but Gargamel had that spell, and was likely turning the creatures of the forest into smurfs to extract essence.

Papa stroked his beard thoughtfully. "You said he smurfed you a magic mirror?"

The redhead pulled the item from under her hat. "I had an idea to feed him false information." She paused as she handed it to the elder. "Though that's up to you at this point."

"That's a smurfy idea." Papa mused as he studied the hand mirror. "I think after breakfast, I'll smurf a meeting for this evening. I can smurf everysmurf what I learned about this new plot, and we can decide on what to smurf."

"That's it?" The former feline asked skeptically. "I'm just accepted like that?" Something had to be up. There had to be some catch.

Tracker chuckled. "I smurf we had something of a trial for Smurfette, but she did try to smurf the village. It didn't smurf long after she started crying and smurfed she was sorry. And then we just brought Hackus and Vexy into the village without a second smurf."

Huntress arched a brow. "What about trying to eat smurfs on several occasions?"

Papa laughed. "As Azrael, you were smurfing your instincts as well as the orders of your master. As Natural Smurf has smurfed before: A cat is a cat. That would be like getting mad at the birds for singing." The elder patted his stomach. "Now, I'm sure you two are hungry, let's go before Greedy smurfs all the food."

So it -is- just like that, the redhead thought in wonderment. With Papa in the lead, they headed over to the mess hall. Once there, the leader separated from them, heading over to sit at a table with Smurfette, Vanity, and several other smurfs Huntress couldn't name.

The smurfette paused, watching Tracker head off with a purpose. The woodsmurf soon stopped and turned. He tilted his head in a 'follow me' gesture. He took a place across from a smurf with a quiver slung across his back. The female recognized him from earlier.

"Hej, Tracker." Hunter greeted cheerfully. "And hej, Huntress." The bowsmurf nodded respectfully to her.

"Hej?" The smurfette questioned as she seated herself next to Tracker.

"Ah. It smurfs hello." Hunter supplied. The former feline felt like saying something further, but instead nodded to the other smurfs at the table.

Tracker cleared his throat. "I smurf introductions are in order. Everyone, I'm sure you smurf Huntress." The smurfs at the table nodded or greeted her. "Huntress, my fellow smurfs here are Hunter," He indicated the bowsmurf. "Timber." A smurf clad in red plaid waved.

"Wooly." Tracker continued, and a smurf in a wool felt hat tipped it in her direction. "And the smurf next to him is Fisher." This one only had a fish hook in his hat to tell him apart.

"And beside you is Herder." This one she couldn't see anything to tell him apart from the standard smurf hat and pants, though the shepherd's crook that was leaning at the table was likely his.

"Any news when 'ol Traveler an' Camper are smurfin' back?" Wooly asked, helping himself to a stack of smurfberry pancakes.

"Last I smurfed, they're updating the maps due south. How far south is anysmurf's smurf." Fisher was dipping out porridge as he answered.

Huntress took some pancakes and eggs, she never liked syrup as a cat and didn't see the point of trying it out now. Instead, she poured gravy on the stack.

If the other smurfs at the table thought it odd they didn't comment.

**00000**

"My little smurfs! Attention!" Papa Smurf stood at the entrance to the dining hall on a stool. In degrees, the noise of so many conversations died down until it was quiet.

Here it comes, Huntress thought as she slid lower on the bench.

"I was smurfed this morning that Gargamel has managed to smurf the True Blue spell." He had to pause as gasps and exclamations echoed through the room. "To make matters worse, he is transmurfing forest animals into smurfs and using them in a new smurfalator to smurf essence!"

Natural shot to his feet. "How dare he!" If there was one thing that could raise the ire of the gentle nature lover, it was harming innocent creatures.

"This evening there will be a village meeting, where we will smurf out what to do. I will smurf a rough plan by then, but I'll need everysmurf to help finalize it." Papa looked pointedly at Smurfette and a few others, and each nodded in return. That meant a meeting before the meeting. He stepped off the stool and soon the noise level had risen even louder.

"I wonder how Gargamel smurfed the spell." Hunter wondered out loud.

Huntress resisted the urge to slouch lower in her seat. Any minute now, they'd find out, and she'd be tossed out. It seemed to eat at her.

Tracker glanced at the smurfette beside him. He imagined telling the table, but right after the thought that Timber would likely attack her stilled his tongue. The lumberjack was one of the more hotheaded smurfs in the village. It didn't take much to get him mad, and finding out that Azrael had stolen the spell and was sitting right in front of him would make him blow his top.

"Well, if I were Gargamel," Fisher began. Wolly laughed. "No, smurf about it. He smurfed the spell once, right?" That got their attention and Fisher continued. "So if he smurfed just bits and pieces, he could eventually smurf it right."

"Yer smurfin' him too much credit. Gargamel ain't that bright." Wolly countered. "Sides, Papa smurfed that he smurfed it, not that he smurfed it out."

"By golly it doesn't matter one smurf how that slime did it." Timber pounded the table with a hand, startling the rest of the smurfs. "What smurfs most is that we smurf those new smurfs free!" The lumberjack was already agitated.

"Smurfy point." Tracker agreed. "We have to smurf up this mess no matter how it smurfed."

Huntress tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Great, now she was tired and ... whatever this emotion was.

"You look zonked, shelia." Herder surprised her by speaking in whatever dialect that was.

"Eh, what?" Huntress asked. What was with smurfs and speaking so strangely? But they all seemed to understand each other. It was frustrating.

"I smurfed you looked tired." The shephard smurf explained.

"Oh." The smurfette began and tried to gather her wits. "I'm usually up all night hunting. I sleep most of the day."

Hunter laughed. "By the bird you smurfed in this morning, you had a good night hunting."

"Too right!" Herder exclaimed, "I smurfed about that just a few smurfs ago. Good on ya, shelia." Was it it Huntress's imagination or was that smile rather flirty?

"Thanks. I should go get some sleep." The redhead rose from the table.

"Well, might as well smurf 'em up and move 'em out. Those critters won't smurf for themselves." Wolly stood up as well, followed by Herder. Fisher waved and seemed to be fine staying seated. Huntress turned to make her way out of the mess hall.

Tracker got up, nodding at Hunter and Fisher. "Ta-ta, chaps." He tried not to be obvious that he was following the former cat. Hunter watched him go and noticed.

"Hm. It smurfs like Tracker may be bitten by Spring Fever." The bowsmurf gestured and Fisher looked.

The fishing smurf chuckled. "Well, never thought I'd smurf that. I was smurfing to wonder."

"Oh?" The archer asked.

Fisher nodded. "Like how Handy smurfs off to see Marina occasionally. That perhaps he had smurfed some love out in the wild." The smurf adjusted the fishhook in his hat and looked at his tablemate askance. "Of course, then there are the rumors smurfing why you and Tracker smurf out into the woods every spring."

"Ingen! N-no! Impossible!" The poor bowsmurf stuttered, his face going violet from blushing.

Fisher guffawed and almost fell off his chair. By the time he recovered, Hunter was scowling at him. "That was not amusing." This only caused the other smurf to start laughing again.

**00000**

Papa smurf usually sought out Smurfette and Brainy for matters of great importance, and together with Hefty, Gutsy, and occasionally Vanity and/or Grouchy, they formed a council of sorts. It was his hopes that one day, the smurfs would have good leadership from this group. So, after the announcement at the end of breakfast, he pulled Smurfette, Brainy, Hefty, Gutsy, and Vanity to the side. If he had seen Grouchy, the grumpy smurf would have been invited as well.

They met at Vanity's, which was the closest house. The surroundings were elegant, as the smurf himself expected no less than perfection from himself and his domicile. The narcissistic smurf managed to fit mirrors into the design, so that at least every wall had a reflective surface. Some where quite large, as Vanity enjoyed talking to others by way of looking at them both in a mirror. The effect actually made the house seem quite larger on the inside than it actually was.

As usual, Clumsy tagged along with Brainy. Hundred -who Vanity and others often called Mirror- had started staying around Vanity since they returned from Paris and was present as well. This didn't anger the elder, as all the smurfs would be brought in on the issue in the evening.

They were settled in a loose semicircle of plush furniture that faced the fireplace, Papa had pulled a chair from the dining room and was sitting with his back to the fireplace. He looked at each of the smurfs in the room before he began.

Hefty and Smurfette on a loveseat to his left, then Vanity, Mirror, Brainy, and Clumsy taking up the light purple sofa, and lastly Gutsy occupying a recliner, feet propped up on the well kept wooden table. Vanity was glaring at the scotsmurf for his transgression.

"This morning I smurfed out that Gargamel has smurfed the True Blue Formula." Best to get the worst over with.

"Oh no!" Clumsy gasped at the same time Smurfette let out a shocked, "But how?"

"I'm going to guess Huntress." Vanity spoke mostly looking at the large mirror over the fireplace. Look at those expressions! While his own was calm, confident, just smurfy!

"You're right, Vanity. But how did you smurf to that?" Papa asked, intrigued.

"It's becoming a bit of a pattern. Gargamel smurfs a new smurfette, they cause trouble, they get reformed. Really he should start smurfing -something- new." The vain smurf gave a little moue of distaste. "He should realize when smurf's become predictable and out of style."

The elder fought a belly laugh, though it still escaped as a chuckle. Trust Vanity to find a fashion allegory in a discussion about a dangerous enemy.

"You mean he smurfed another smurfette out of clay? I have another sister?" Smurfette asked.

"Not quite." Papa hoped to test telling the other smurfs about Azrael with this group, and this was the perfect time to bring it up. "Gargamel didn't smurf Huntress from blue clay. He smurfed Azrael into a smurf."

"Azrael?!" Brainy cried. "His familiar Azrael? The cat?"

"That explains her smurfing that poor smurfed bird into the village today." Mirror added quietly. Beside him, Vanity shuddered. The reflection smurf patted him comfortingly.

"But Papa, you smurfed her with the True Blue Spell. Does that mean she's, ya know, reformed?" Hefty asked.

"To be honest, she smurfs to be smurfing trouble smurfing out her new identity. If I had to hazard a smurf, I'd say that smurfing Gargamel's familiar had more effect on her than even she smurfs, and now to be free of that... Huntress will have to learn how to be her own smurf."

"Suspicious is going to smurf a field day with this." Brainy moaned.

"For once, I agree with Brainy." Gutsy had taken his feet off the table, and now sat with his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. "Not just Suspicious, but Nosey an' Editor too."

Papa stroked his beard. "So it's different from Smurfette, Vexy, and Hackus?"

"We didn't smurf as much history with them as we do with Azrael." Hefty agreed. "She's been trying to smurf us for years."

Brainy pushed his glasses up on his nose, a sure sign he was about to delve into lecture mode. "937 cases of nearly smurfing a smurf directly; 427 cases of smurfing a hand in whatever Gargamel had smurfed; 211 cases of smurfing us while hidden; at least 17 cases of smurfing Gargamel here to the village. And those are just those that we smurf about! Furthermore-" Clumsy nudged him with an elbow. The bespectacled smurf cleared his throat and got to the point. "There's a lot of unsmurfiness between us and Azreal, some smurfs may not look past it."

Papa nodded. "Perhaps it would be smurfy to not smurf the rest of the smurfs that tidbit then. We should give Huntress time to smurf herself as a smurfy member of the village."

"You're sure she'll smurf the right thing?" Smurfette asked uncertainly.

"I'm honestly not sure." Papa said, surprising the group. "But I have hope. And Huntress deserves to smurf a chance. I want to smurf you all that if you're truly serious about smurfing Azrael's identity a secret, you'll need to smurf on it here." He looked at his little smurfs.

"Every smurf smurfs a chance." Kindhearted Clumsy, always the first to forgive.

It was no surprise Hefty was the next to agree. "Every smurf smurfs a chance." Then Smurfette and Gutsy chimed in, followed by Mirror and Brainy.

The group looked at Vanity, who was admiring himself in his hand mirror. He knew they were looking at him, and for a moment basked in the attention.

"Could we at least smurf her to not smurf smurfed animals into the village again?" Vanity sighed primly at the lack of response. "Oh all right. Every smurf smurfs a chance."

That seemed to break the tension, and Papa moved on to the next matter. "Now, we know Gargamel is smurfing smurfs. We need to smurf up a way to get in and smurf that formula and free those transformed animals before this smurfs out of hand."

"What we need is ta smurf up a party and smurf until nightfall, smurf in, smurf the formula and the smurfed animals, then smurf out of there." Gutsy smacked his fist into his palm decisively.

"But Gargamel usually smurfs traps around his lair. We should probably smurf the area first." Smurfette countered.

"But there's nu time!" Gutsy argued. "Every smurf we waste is another those poor creatures have ta spend in that smurfalator! And they've been smurfed into smurfs no less!"

"But you smurfed to wait until dark. We have enough time to smurf someone there to smurf things." Smurfette was used to Gutsy's tendency to act before thinking.

"Good, so we go tonight then." The scotsmurf rose from his chair. "I'll smurf there meself and act as scout."

"You? You'll charge in as soon is the smurf looks clear." Hefty made a motion with his hand, using two fingers to run his hand across the air. "One good trap and we'll have ta smurf a rescue for you." The two glared at each other.

"It may be best to smurf a two smurf team." Papa tapped a finger on his chin thoughtfully. "Gutsy, I want you to smurf here so you can help smurfing the rescue team. Hefty and Brainy, you two will smurf to Gargamel's to smurf the area. The rest of us will smurf out what to smurf when you smurf back."

The decisions made, the meeting was effectively over. Brainy stood grumbling under his breath about danger, and Hefty stood, hoping none of the other smurfs noticed he placed a hand on Smurfette's knee and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"We'll be smurf back before supper, Papa." Hefty nodded to his elder as he led the way out of Vanity's house.

Papa sat back in his chair. He always worried about sending his sons out into possible danger. But if he was left to his own devices, Gargamel would attack them in short order. And with essence, he'd very likely succeed in at least demolishing the village. Clumsy volunteered for the mission and Gutsy surprisingly accepted. The smurfs started talking about the strengths of other smurfs to take along. It was going to be a long, dangerous day.

**00000**

Grouchy was watching the baby again after watching her most of the afternoon yesterday. It made him wonder at how so many smurfs liked playing with the child, or talking about her, but when it came down to the always messy business of really taking care of her there were many who shied away.

Oh how he hated didey changes. But they had to be done, because above all, he hated hearing Baby cry more than anything. The grouch looked around to make sure he wasn't being observed before he allowed himself to smile, picking up the baby and playing 'stork' with her. He made wooshing noises and the child screamed with glee. Down and up, side to side, he made the little smurfling 'fly'. He leaned back against the rock to get a bit more leverage. They were out on a small grassy hill just inside the barrier, it was known to them as Picnic Hill.

Finally, arms tired, he lowered her back down into his lap. "Smurfing in for a landing, wooosh!"

Just in time too, he heard the smurfs coming, it sounded like Dreamy and Lazy. Gently, he sat Baby down beside of him and adopted his usual scowl.

"And there was this huge dragon, but he didn't like smurfing a dragon at all, he wanted to be a clockwork like he was before. So he was smurfing the monkey and the rest of the animals, who liked smurfing animals- Oh, good morning Grouchy." Dreamy paused in the retelling of his dream to greet the grump. "How did you get stuck smurfing Baby again?"

"Nobody asks me." He huffed. It was true. He volunteered.

"Oh, smurfing the baby always makes me so *yawn* tired." Lazy added, and then followed up with another yawn. How did Lazy even know, he hadn't really watched the child yet. Grouchy scowled.

"What doesn't smurf you tired, Lazy." Grouchy didn't mean it as a question.

But that was how the sleepy smurf took it. "Well, sleeping doesn't smurf me tired." He grinned.

Baby made a startled sound and the grumpy smurf looked down to check on her. The sun was in her eyes and seemed to be bothering her, so her rolled her over onto her belly. She pushed herself up, staring cross-eyed at the blades of grass.

"Well Grouchy, maybe that's why Papa smurfed her over to you. You're a natural smurflingsitter." Dreamy smiled as Baby tried to crawl back to Grouchy, managing a sort of scooting belly flop that did make some progress.

"Look, she even likes you." Lazy managed to not yawn.

The scooting seemed to tire the baby out, and she whined, reaching out one little arm for her sitter. The scowling smurf picked her up, holding her in one arm while she burbled happily and nuzzled into his chest. Grouchy was careful to keep his scowling expression.

"Awww!" Dreamy exclaimed at the scene. If looks could kill, Grouchy would have murdered two of his brothers right then.

"I hate 'Awww'!" He snarled. "Get out of here and smurf at something else!"

Lazy knew better than to test the ire of certain brothers, Grouchy was one of them. "Ok, we're smurfing." He tugged at Dreamy's arm. "So what did the animals smurf about the dragon?"

Dreamy hesitated for only a moment before heading off with Lazy, starting back up with the tale of his strange dream.

Once they were out of earshot, the ornery surf sighed. Baby was napping again, snuggled up to him. Looking down, a fierce protectiveness coupled with a quiet and deep sort of love shot through him. He wondered if it was what Papa felt towards himself and his other brothers. Almost as soon as he asked that question, he knew without any doubt that it was. He'd do anything to keep Baby safe and happy.

His brothers were missing out on this. But he wasn't one to go out and tell them. After all, he thought as he allowed himself a smile, he hated sharing.

**00000**

"Wrench." Handy held out his hand from underneath a large wooden contraption and Vexy passed him his favorite tool. Metallic clinks could be heard as he adjusted something. Finally he rolled out from under the machine.

"That should smurf it." The inventor smurf announced. "Farmer will be happy to get smurf one. At least I hope."

Vexy started picking up the tools and placing them back in the toolbox. "Mind if I ask you something, boss?"

"Ask away." Handy replied as he picked up a bent gear and put it in a recycling box to go back to Blacksmith's.

"Why haven't I seen you go crazy yet? I mean this whole Spring Fever thing." The dark haired smurfette asked.

"Oh I used to." The engineer grinned. Then he dug into his pocket, pulling out a heart shaped locket with two small paintings inside. He handed that to his assistant. "Then I met Marina."

The little portraits showed Handy on one side, and a green skinned female on the other, her ears resembled fins. Definitely not a smurf, the former naughtie thought.

"Marina's a mermaid." The builder answered as if he could read her mind. "We have a pretty long smurftance relationship. Sometimes it's pretty hard. But we smurf over at the lake once a month and I smurf for her every time we go to the beach." He pointed over at a corner, where a tub-like machine on wheels sat. "I smurfed her that so she could survive on land, and she smurfs it occasionally. I just keep smurfing stumped on ways to stay down underwater."

Vexy handed back the locket looked at the machine thoughtfully. "I watched a special on the Discovery Channel about underwater hotels. The concept started with a dome that held air." She walked to his workbench and picked up a spare pencil, drawing a crude half-circle and a choppy line inside of it to indicate the level of water. Then she drew a rectangle and two stick figures standing on it above the water.

Handy looked at the drawing, his eyes lighting up. "This is smurftastic! I could build a prototype at the bottom of the lake! And then..." The engineer trailed off as he started elaborating on the sketch and muttering to himself.

She'd seen the inventor like this a few times already, so the smurfette knew to back off until he was done. She shook her head and started sweeping up the shop.

**00000**

Snappy rubbed his aching back as he headed out to the fields from breakfast. This punishment was the pits. Slouchy soon caught up to his friend and the two fell into step with each other.

"I'm still smurfing from yesterday. I hope farmer smurfs us something easy today." Snappy grumbled.

"He'd probably smurf you something lighter if you told him your back was smurfing." The laid back smurf pointed out.

The short tempered smurf sighed in defeat. "Yeah, I'll smurf that. Yesterday I was so smurfed I just went to bed right after supper."

Slouchy didn't mention that Snappy often tried to do things at a fast pace to get them done faster, even though there was enough work for weeks of tireless working. Better to pace yourself, he reasoned.

They convinced Farmer that Snappy wasn't lying about his back and to their surprise, he dismissed them for the day with orders to take it easy.

As they walked back out of the field he called out after them, "And if it ain't smurfin better by lunch, go see Dabbler!"

Snappy groaned. "That's the last smurf I wanna smurf to." Whatever his reasons, the impulsive smurf didn't like going to the doctor.

"Better to get it over with now than have to stay for days later." Slouchy tried to reason with him.

The grumbling of the other smurf let him know he'd grudgingly accepted his point. They walked a while in silence, heading up to Picnic Hill to lie back and enjoy the spring sunshine. They lay there quietly for a while, both staring up at the fluffy clouds.

Finally Slouchy asked, "It's Vexy isn't it?"

"W-what?" Snappy countered, startled. He raised his head from the grass and glared at his best friend.

While the smurf was named for his posture, he was no slouch when it came to using his mind. "You were never like this when it was just Smurfette. So that smurfs you've got a crush on Vexy."

The hot-headed smurf ground his teeth. "It doesn't matter. I've got no smurf anyway." He flopped his head back down. "You've seen the way she smurfs at Grouchy and when she's got spare time, she smurfs around for him."

Just a small distance away, on the other side of a rock, Grouchy's eyes widened.

"I donno Snap. I've got a smurfing that things will work out." The laid back smurf assured his brother.

"And I've got a smurfing I'm gonna wind up like Papa." Snappy snapped.

Quietly, so he wouldn't wake up Baby. Grouchy stood up and headed off. His mind whirled and jumbled.


	4. Ch 04: Dangerous Detours

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Reviews:**  
**Lac Lausanne: Thanks again for the review! As for Gargamel, I have my devious plots that my muses will not allow to be divulged. :3**

**-EXTRA WARNING- The end of this chapter contains explicit sex.**

Chapter 04: Dangerous Detours

Gargamel hummed as he flicked the Smurfalator off, giving the little beasts turned smurf a rest. Well, really it was to give his ears a rest since several of them insisted on continuing to shriek in terror and pain. That and two cages seemed to be broken, they weren't extracting essence any more.

One look at the inhabitants of the cages and he could tell that the machine wasn't broken, those two were dead. The wizard pondered. Were those two part of those first three rats he changed into smurfs?

He pulled the cages open and removed the dead smurfs. Four more and he could make some gold. Or at least test the formula to see if it required live smurfs only. After casually tossing the little blue corpses on the table, he started pulling the ingredients for the spell.

"Blast! Out of rotty rock fungus again." He dug through a standing closet and pulled out an old sack and his knife. It would take an hour or two to get the fungus and be back. Might as well keep a look out for two new replacement animals to change into smurfs. He added a smurf cage to his supplies. With a wave of his wand at a bucket of water, small bowls of water appeared in every cage.

"Enjoy your break, little beasties." Gargamel mocked as he left.

"It's a pity those creatures give so little essence, even after being transformed into real smurfs. Why even Azrael produced more than the rats did all day -combined!" The wizard puzzled this for a while, heading down lower towards the village where the caves were. What did his cat have that those rats didn't? Size? That was possible. She was the biggest animal he'd transformed and tested. Perhaps he should try to find deer, or bear, or-

"Well, well, what do we have here. An old peddler?" A voice said off to his left. Gargamel's head jerked up to see a dark cloaked man standing near a tree he'd obviously been hiding behind. Another came out from the other side of the road. The wizard glanced behind him, there were two more. Oh joy. Highwaymen. Did he have his wand? A quick check showed that it was indeed stowed up his sleeve.

With a cocky grin the wizard withdrew it from his sleeve, dipping it into his ring. "A peddler? Unfortunately for you, no. For you have challenged the Great Wizard Gargamel!"

"A wizard!" The one in front of him who hadn't spoken earlier cried. "I didn't sign on for this, Finn!"

Gargamel ignored the banter, choosing that moment to whip his wand around to capture the four of them. "Hmm. What to do with useless bandits..." He pondered out loud. They had interrupted his musing about what animal to transform into...

"Ahahaha! Yes! Smurfs! ALAKASMURF!" The wizard watched gleefully as all four men shrank and turned blue, their clothing and weapons going along for the ride. Now trapped in his magic tendrils were four human dressed smurfs, screaming in terror.

"Now to get rid of those little pointy objects." Another wave of the wand had the smurf sized swords falling from his newest catch. He opened the cage and the tendrils tossed them in.

"Please mighty wizard! Have mercy!" One of them shouted while clinging to the bars.

Gargamel chuckled. "I doubt you would be so merciful had I actually been a penniless peddler. Don't worry, you're going to spend the rest of your miserable lives as magical little blue people." The chuckle turned into a full blown laugh. Of course, the rest of their lives may amount to a few months, should they prove to be good sources of essence.

Ignoring the pleas of the bandits turned smurfs, he headed toward the cave. Gold and essence. What a wonderful morning!

**00000**

Gargamel hummed to himself as he walked along the path leading back to his hovel. In one hand he carried a sack full of the fungus he needed, and in the other he carried a small cage that held four bandits turned into smurfs. He'd finally gotten tired of their pleading earlier and had given the cage a good hard shake. Now the only sound that came was the occasional soft moan.

His home came into view and he sped up, excited about the prospect of creating a philosopher's stone and testing out his theory about larger transformations leading to more essence. He fairly kicked his door open, glancing at the smurfalator were the animals turned smurfs cowered at his arrival. No real smurfs had invaded his home again. Good. He hoped that the traps around the windows would deter them, he'd fixed the crack in the door with magic, then carved 'Knock Azrael' into the wood on the outside. If she tried to get in through a window he'd just have to pull her out of the cage and reset it.

The wizard sat the cage down beside the two dead smurfs he'd tossed onto the table earlier. One of the former humans in the cage cried out, "God, save us!" upon seeing the bodies.

Hmmm... Change the humans permanently, or start on the gold formula... Decisions, decisions. After a moment, Gargamel decided that he was more enthused over testing essence production than creating gold. He pulled out the ingredients that he'd collected after Azrael left. It wasn't often he was excited enough to go gathering ingredients in the middle of the night, he wasn't as young as he used to be! But the prospects of power, revenge, and having his every desire fulfilled spurred him into action.

The small cauldron was set, and he lit a fire under it. It was fascinating that the ingredients produced enough orbs to turn seemingly any number of temporary smurfs into real ones. At least, he'd found out it would produce around twenty at once. It was quite a happy accidental discovery, as he thought he'd have to perform the spell for each one. Well, at least he had plenty of ingredients for the spell now.

He mixed the ingredients in as he announced them aloud, finally finishing with the incantation. Four orbs of light rose from the cauldron, hovered, then flew to the bandits, changing them permanently into smurfs.

"What did you do, Wizard?!" One of them called out.

How annoying, he thought he'd cowed them already. "You've been transformed into true smurfs, that spell -so far as I know- is irreversible. Now I can see if you produce more essence than the pitiful amount given to me by these forest creatures." It was true. That he hadn't actually done any research into the spell to see if it could be reversed was none of their business.

Gargamel turned and looked at the cages on the smurfalator. Selecting the smurfs that looked the most sickly, he opened up four cages and plucked the creatures out. Those went into another cage, and he picked up the one with the former humans.

"One little, two little, three little smuuurrfs." He half hummed, half sang as he deposited his newest prisoners into the smurfalator.

"Now smurfs, break time is over." With that the wizard flicked the switch. Screams and cries filled the room in a deafening racket that Gargamel paid no more attention to than the sound of rain.

He did check the beaker attached to the machine. Instead of drops, it was almost a stream! So larger animals may indeed make a difference! Happiness lightening his footsteps, the dark haired man started on the philosopher's stone.

It wasn't long before the smurfs were ready to drop in, and he plucked up one of the dead ones to test it. In it plopped.

Nothing happened.

Gargamel gave an annoyed growl. Blast. Only live ones then. It should have dissolved into the concoction by now. He'd need something to fish that out or else the spell would ruin. What wasn't reactive with this spell? The ivory or glass... The wizard hesitated over the decision before scooping up the ivory stirring rod and prodded it into the solution.

The explosion threw him across the room.

"Blast, so it was glass." He coughed and hacked to clear his lungs. All that could be done was to start over. Grumbling at the pain in his aching back he started the formula again.

So what to do with that other body? Ah, he'd just feed it to Azr- oh wait. Huh. Well, he'd figure it out later. The cauldron had to be scrubbed out then the formula followed again. It was an hour later when he finally flicked off the switch to the smurfalator. And just in time too, the beaker needed changing.

He stoppered it and marveled at the shiny blue liquid inside. Never in his life had seen something so beautiful. The potential power this beaker contained was tremendous. Carefully, the wizard placed it on a low shelf, just at hand's reach.

"Please. Please, have mercy." One of the bandits turned smurf begged.

Gargamel ignored him, picking out two more animals turned smurf and dropping them into the cauldron. He followed that by opening the cage with the four other former animals and dumping them in as well.

He watched the brew with interest. He'd never gotten this far, after all. The mixture within began to churn, shrinking down upon itself in a slow swirling motion. Eventually, it settled into a blood red spheroid, a stripe of blue spiraling outward from the center in a Fibonacci spiral.

To Gargamel, it looked rather like a stylized G.

Lightheaded with triumph, he plucked the gem out of the cauldron. It was warm to the touch, but not hot, an attestment to the magic it held. He killed the flame almost absentmindedly, still staring at the stone.

Time to test it! Where was that lead cup? The wizard gleefully dug through a trunk and his standing closet, before finding the dented cup used to hold some ground snake scales on one of his shelves. Those he dumped out onto the shelf itself.

"Now if the legends are true, I have only to touch the cup with the stone and..." He touched the two objects together, watching the cup critically. Slowly, from the point the cup was touched, it turned to gold.

"Ah hahaha! I've done it! Everything is within my grasp now!" Gargamel did a little happy jig as he held the cup and stone aloft.

A knock at his door interrupted his festivities. "Who could that be?" The wizard growled, annoyed. Slipping the stone into his pocket, he opened the door. There was the magic trinket peddler, come along on his monthly visit.

"Ah, hello Orex." Gargamel greeted. "I wasn't expecting you."

"My apologies," The peddler pushed his box into the open door. "But I ran into an interesting set of wares, it was an estate sale. Tamnus the Wizened passed recently and his nieces and nephews were no wizards." As he spoke he set up his wares.

"Ah, it seems fortune is smiling on us both." The wizard started looking curiously at the trinkets. Crystals, alchemical instruments, obviously enchanted rings and jewelry, small statuettes, holy symbols, an old shriveled paw of some primate, and enough items that by the end, Orex had spread the collection down to the floor.

"Help us sir! We've been captured by this evil wizard!" Ah, there they were. The dark clad wizard glared at the cages. He expected shouting as soon as the peddler came in, were they all asleep or something?

"My word, what are those creatures?" The peddler asked, pushing a pair of spectacles up on his nose.

"They're called smurfs. They're little blue trouble making imps that run rampant in this forest." Gargamel sneered at the cages.

"Four of us were once human! That wizard turned us into these creatures!" The one who spoke up called out again.

"They're also horrible liars." The wizard hedged.

Orex laughed. "Regardless, it's my policy to not interfere in my client's business. I sale wares and keep my mouth shut, it helps keep my head attached to my neck." He announced with conviction. One of the former humans sat with his head in his hands, obviously weeping silently.

"Now, where were we?" The peddler started pointing out some of the items, then allowed Gargamel to ask questions.

Mentally dismissing most of the wares as unimportant now that he had the ability to do most of their properties with smurf essence, the wizard's eye was caught by a simple looking quartz crystal.

He picked it up, it was bound with delicate gold wire to a simple black leather cord. "And you called this the Spellkeeper Crystal? How does it work?"

Orex wondered if he should even get the Wizard's hopes up, but explained anyway. "From the notes," He started, digging through a book of loose papers until he found them. "It will store spells by absorbing them. The more powerful the spell, the less number of spells it is able to hold. A simple unlocking spell, for example, can be cast upon the crystal four and twenty times before it is filled and will accept no more. To release the stored spells, only the trigger is needed. It makes it convenient in a pitched spell battle, or handy for any occasion really."

Or, Gargamel thought, it could hold a few smurf transformation spells in addition to that real smurf spell. He could transform anything into a real smurf on the fly. He had to have it! "How much, Orex?"

And now the peddler winced. It'd be far too much for his often penniless customer. "I can't accept any less than thrice it's weight in gold."

The wizard guessed the crystal's weight in his hand. The cup should be about right. And if it wasn't enough, he could dig up something else. Gargamel held out the cup. "Sold! Measure them both if you like." He handed the crystal over.

Orex's eyes were wide enough that the old man looked like an owl. "My word!" He checked it no less than three times to make sure the gold was real.

Finally convinced, the weight was almost right, if a little heavy on the cup's side. "My friend, you have a deal." He pocketed the cup, handing over the crystal. "Would you like anything else?"

"Nothing at this time." Gargamel answered, and waited patiently for the peddler to pack his wares to leave. Once the door closed, the wizard started another batch of True Blue spell, this time holding the crystal. All he had to do was let the orb go into the enchanted rock then use one transformation spell. Once those two spells were stored, he could test it out.

To his utter surprise six orbs floated out of the little cauldron and hit the Spellkeeper, one right after another! It glowed with a blue light, likely an indication of the spell stored within.

"Blast, I should have known that would happen." Frustrated with himself, the dark haired human pounded a fist into the table. He thought it through for a moment. It really didn't matter, he could always just cast the first transformation spell from the wand, and since the trigger for the second was the presence of a non-true smurf nearby, the crystal should release an orb automatically.

Time to test it! But first, he turned and walked to the smurfalator. Two of the bandits screamed at him, pleading. He wasn't about to let them go. Oh no. That would bite him in the end. Besides, he was doing the area a favor by keeping these highwaymen from robbing and killing their way through the countryside! He flicked the switch on, paying less attention to the screams and more to the amount of essence being produced. Assured that everything was in order, he picked up the empty smurf cage from the table and headed out the door.

**00000**

Johan stopped his horse, turning about in the saddle to look for his friend. He spotted the short blond dwarf standing next to his goat, peering at something curiously on the side of the trail.

"What have you found there, Peewit?" The dark haired youth asked, turning Bayard around to trot up to the spot.

"It's really odd." Peewit began, holding up some tiny glittering objects. "They're smurf sized swords. But the smurfs are peaceful."

"Faeries perhaps? Imps? There are a number of magical peoples in the forest. But we'll have to worry about that little mystery later. We're still on a mission for King Gerard. Those bandits were last sighted along this road." Once again, the knight turned his horse around and trotted along the road again. The highwaymen were making the road between the two neighboring kingdoms dangerous, and they took priority to any mysterious tiny swords. Caught up in his thoughts, the knight didn't check behind him to see if his companion was following.

"Later, always later." Peewit complained as he looked around for Biquette. By the time he found the goat a short distance from the trail and got back, Johan had disappeared around the bend of the path. The short blond urged his goat into a quick trot to catch up, heading around the corner and down the trail. In his haste, he failed to notice the second trail or the hoofprints in the dirt leading down it.

It wasn't long before the jester was having doubts about his path, and he turned around to look behind him. His goat suddenly skidded to a halt and he flew off her back, crashing into something far softer than a tree.

"You little imp! Attack me will you?!" The tangle of limbs snarled as Peewit tried to free himself. That voice was familiar.

Before the blond could utter a word, he heard a shout from the dark clad man. "Alakasmurf!" The jester realized that it was the sorcerer always after the smurfs.

The world suddenly grew to enormous proportions, and Peewit tumbled off the dark cloth of Gargamel's robes. He didn't notice the blue orb fly from the crystal about the wizard's neck, but he did feel the tingling sensation begin in the middle of his back and spread to his fingertips and toes. Fear gripped him as he realized he'd been transformed.

The jester hit the ground running, screaming all the while. "Jooohan!" His voice wasn't as loud as he'd hoped. Suddenly he jerked to a stop, a tendril of magic grasping him and lifting him into the air. He whistled for his goat and Biquette charged.

Another incantation by the wizard and the goat had been transformed into a female smurf. She let out a frightened bleat that sounded alien coming from the mouth of a smurf. A blue orb hit her and Peewit worried for his pet. It didn't seem to have any effect on her, however. Both he and the transformed goat were pulled back through the air and deposited into a smurf cage.

"Gargamel! Let me go!" The jester screamed. "Once Johan finds out what you've done he'll-"

"You think another boy is any challenge to me?" The wizard laughed. "I'll just get to add another smurf to my collection."

The blond started to scream for help, alternating with occasional cries of 'Mama!'. Gargamel shook the cage vigorously.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll be quiet, imp." The dark haired wizard growled.

Heading back toward his home by way of the trailless wilderness, the human was pleased overall. The crystal worked and any creature changed into a smurf could now be placed directly into the smurfalator upon his return.

It was over a half-hour into his hour long trek when he heard the snapping of branches. Curious, the stalked quietly in the direction of the sound, wand at the ready. There dressed in strange garb was a woman. Or the creature looked like a woman, only her hair was vines and leaves. It must be a Dryad, the wizard decided. He raised his wand.

"Look out!" Peewit cried, startling the creature. She turned and looked in their direction, then several things happened at once. Gargamel shouted his incantation and near the Dryad a small ball of lightning appeared. The forest creature was distracted by the lights near to her, and was struck by the spell, shrinking and turning blue.

Heedless to her transformation, the little female smurf pounced on a sheet of paper that appeared from the ball of electricity. From the motions of her head, she was reading it and didn't see the orb fly from the Spellkeeper crystal and into her side. Or if she did notice, she made no effort to dodge it that the human could see.

Only when he sent out some energy to collect the new smurf did she react, trying to roll away from the magic and failing. Another ball of lightning appeared near her as he retracted the spell to place her in the cage.

She screamed then, howling. "No! Please, let me just see that page!" Just like the last page, another appeared. Gargamel approached it cautiously. It had a list on it in some strange writing.

"What is this?" He demanded.

"Oh please, please, just give it to me!" She begged. "I'll show you!"

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that." The wizard sneered. "It's likely some kind of traaaaah!" As if to prove him right, the electricity started back around the paper he held. It didn't harm him but he dropped it all the same and the paper quickly vanished.

The little smurfette let out a heartbroken wail.

To be safe, the human incinerated the other paper with magic, ignoring the dryad's sobs. He turned and headed back home, wondering just what had transpired. His questions to the former woodspirit went unanswered, unless he counted keening. Finally annoyed with it, he was glad when his castle came back into view. It was past lunch time and he was hungry.

Gargamel's mind wandered as he entered. The few pennies he had he would spend on some lead, then turn that into gold. Then he could sell the gold and afford more lead and other things. Plopping the cage onto a table he pulled out his last bit of bread. This he transformed into a lavish meal. He flipped off the smurfalator then ate, figuring he'd give the leftovers to whatever smurfs in the cages could eat. Hm. Maybe it would be a good idea to establish a routine for the smurfalator.

In the cage on the other end of the table, Peewit nudged the weeping smurfette, Biquette standing by his side. "Hey, hey, you've gotta snap out of it. We need to find a way out of here and fast!"

"What does it matter?" The female said miserably. The blond waited for her to elaborate, but the oddly dressed smurfette only curled into a ball and wallowed in her own little world of sorrow.

The jester became impatient. "Fine, I'll find us a way out." The former human studied the cage, looking at the bars and the lock, testing them. He patted himself, looking for something that he could pick the lock with. Ah! He had a fork in his pocket. Glad the lock faced perpendicular to the wizard, he reached around and tried to pick it with the utensil in his hand. There was one tumbler, then two... blast. He had to click over one again. He fumbled again, having to start over and having to cast worried glances at the human wasn't helping.

"Come on. Come on." Peewit muttered. One. Two. And three! The door started to swing open, but he caught it.

"Hey. Hey Dryad. Come on, we're getting out of here." The jester stage whispered. The brown haired smurfette raised her head and looked. She stood slowly, looking at the door with a stare that unnerved the dwarf.

"Sneak out. I'll give you a distraction." With that, the former dryad stepped out of the cage and stalked towards Gargamel.

The former human started to go after her, but Biquette caught his arm. The black haired smurfette shook her head, urging him to follow the plan. The two crept out of the cage and looked for a way down off the table.

**00000**

"Peewit! Peewit!" Johan called. He'd doubled back and found the goat tracks going down the other path. He'd followed that path until what looked like a scuffle happened, but then the trail ended. The knight feared his friend had happened upon the bandits alone and they'd captured him.

"Wait here, Bayard." He hoped the horse wouldn't get into trouble, but he thought he saw something near the scuffle. Dismounting, he studied the ground.

"Tiny tracks? How peculiar. Could they be from a smurf?" Puzzled at this new development, he wondered what happened here. Did his friend happen upon some smurfs before his capture? If so, he had more help at least and that was a comfort.

"Johan? What are you smurfin' out here?" It was a small voice, but deep. And the human turned to see Hefty coming out of the undergrowth, followed closely by Brainy.

"Hello Hefty Smurf, Brainy Smurf. I'm looking for Peewit. He may have fallen afoul of the bandits that have been plaguing these woods. Just look at these tracks." The human gestured and both smurfs studied the prints in the ground.

"Hefty. Smurf at this print, there's no doubt!" Brainy said nervously. The muscled smurf grimaced and nodded.

"No doubt about what?" Johan asked.

"These are Gargamel's smurfprints, there's three distinct smurfings on the soles of his shoes that you can see. The bent nail, here. A large smurf there that leaves an upraised ridge on his left smurfprint; and the missing nail from the right smurf." Johan studied the tiny marks pointed out to him by Brainy.

But the pompous smurf wasn't done there. "This can only mean that Gargamel is smurfing humans into smurfs as well as forest animals, and he's smurfed and transformed Peewit and Biquette!"

"Transforming people into smurfs?!" Johan cried. "Then he's as dangerous as the bandits and must be stopped."

"He's more dangerous than those smurfs." Hefty cautioned. "He's got smurf essence and can smurf all sorts of magic."

"Then I need reinforcements." Johan decided, standing and whistling for his horse.

"But Johan, Papa Smurf smurfed that Gargamel was our problem and you smurfn't worry about him, and Papa smur-"

Johan cut Brainy off. "Sorry friend. But that agreement was rendered void the moment he began attacking humans. I'll return before nightfall. Farewell!" The knight mounted Bayard in one fluid movement and was off, galloping towards the castle. Hang in there Peewit, Johan pleaded.

"Just smurfy." Hefty grumbled. "Brainy, smurf back. Tell Papa. I'll go ahead and smurf around for a while."

"You're sure?" The bespectacled smurf asked.

"Sure as smurf. Be careful, bro." The two smurfs waved as they parted ways

**00000**

The former dryad crept around bottles, finally slinking along the small shelf along the wall that was over the table. On top of the shelf, she spotted something, a small knife used for chopping plants.

Up she climbed.

Gargamel sighed in satisfaction. That was a good meal. He looked forward to eating like that all the time from now on. A sudden thump onto his left hand startled him and he jerked, only to find he couldn't jerk his hand away. And then the pain hit him as he stared at the knife pinning his hand to the table! The dryad smurfette was picking up another knife.

"Aaaaggg!" The sorcerer screamed. Adrenaline surged through him as he jerked his body away from the insane little creature. Pain spiked for a moment as his hand came free, the knife still lodged between his index and middle knuckles.

"You crazy little rodent. I'll turn you into a philosopher's stone for this!" The little female smurf only smiled unnervingly. Gargamel fumbled for his wand as the smurfette jumped down from the table with another knife. She charged as he brought his wand up. He blasted pure energy but misjudged her position, and had to scramble backwards or get stabbed in the foot. The dance went on until the wizard ran out of room and was backed into a wall.

As the distraction had started, Peewit and Biquette slid down the table leg, bolting across the floor towards the door. A quick check showed there was no way of getting out that way, and the little blond looked at the windows as the wizard screamed his threat at the dryad.

"Naa!" Biquette pulled on him, pointing at the window near the bed. It was cracked slightly open.

"Good work, let's go!" The pair dashed across the floor to climb onto the bed. There was a gap there, wide enough that Peewit hesitated. He didn't notice Biquette backing up.

He did notice when she charged to the edge of the bed and jumped onto the windowsill.

"Ok Peewit, you can do this." He backed up, then charged. Right at the edge of the bed he jumped, flying in an arc and barely making the windowsill. Biquette helped him the rest of the way up. He glanced back to check on the dryad.

Gargamel's left hand was bleeding, knife still stuck in it. He held onto his wand for dear life, his back against the wall. The smurfette charged again, and this time he managed to aim where he thought she'd be. The blast of magic hit her, tossing her backwards like a rag doll and making her drop the knife.

"Ah HA! Victory!" He roped the brown haired smurf with a tendril of magic and watched in satisfaction as she snarled at him.

Peewit didn't stick around, slipping out of the window with his goat turned smurf and dropping to the ground.

The hidden smurf trap caught them both a second later.

The wizard looked at the cage. So the other two were gone as well. Now where could that imp be? He pulled down another, smaller cage and shoved the brown haired smurfette into it.

"They're long gone by now." She said smugly.

"So that was it. Sacrificing yourself so those two could get away, eh?" Gargamel scoffed.

"That an' I was royally pissed at you and it seemed like ah good lil bit of revenge at the time." The captive smurfette drawled.

"Then you have my sincerest apologies for turning you into a smurf and trapping you in a cage." Sarcasm just dripped from the sorcerer's words as he pressed a cloth to his bleeding hand and debated yanking the knife out now or looking for the escapees.

"That I could get over, 's been done ta me before. I was born human." The former dryad scowled and crossed her arms.

"What then, that spell? What could be so important about a spell-" The human started.

"That was my family!" She screeched at him. "The only way they could come to be with me here! Now I'm stuck here and I can never go back, never see them again!" The rage seemed to leave her then. "Never see my baby again..." She started to cry again.

Well... Gargamel shuffled uncomfortably. While he could ignore most things, a rare few managed to crack the wall he'd put around himself. He'd torn a mother and child apart, and they'd done nothing to him beforehand. If she'd truly been a creature and not a human, he probably wouldn't have felt the guilt. He was rather speciesist. He decided she was lying about being a human and felt a little better.

His hand throbbed, reminding him why he was angry with the crazy female in the first place. The wizard started digging around on his shelves. There had to be some tincture he could put on it to help it heal. Finally he found three ingredients that would make a good poultice at least. Using his right hand to crush the leaves and pellets, he added just a bit of water. Paste made, he looked back at the knife in his hand.

Oh this was going to hurt.

Breathing deeply to work up his courage, he quickly grasped the knife and yanked, screaming all the while. He threw the knife down on the floor and pressed the cloth harder to his hand. The adrenaline rush from the pain made him shake and he took several moments to recover. After what he judged to be long enough, he carefully removed the bandage.

The wound started seeping blood again. Blast, it was fairly serious then. He gritted his teeth as he packed the back of his hand with the poultice, then the front. Finding a clean cloth bandage, he wrapped up his hand. He'd have to think about what to do about that crazy one.

Instead he turned his attention to the smurfs in the smurfalator. Hmm... Having a thought, he used his wand to create a large cage with a single long smurf sized table inside it. Then he divided up the leftovers into two dozen tiny plates. There. From the looks of the cages, the four humans he'd transformed were doing better than the transformed animals. But then, humans were resilient. Already they were climbing to their hands and knees.

What disappointed him was that ten of the animals transformed into smurfs were dead. Yes, definitely time to set up a schedule. He didn't want to keep going out and finding or creating smurfs over and over. That also answered what he was going to do with the crazy one. Into the smurfalator she'd go too. He pulled a pail out from under the table, he used it for bones and other trash and it'd work well to hold dead smurfs.

The live ones he put in the cage with the food and water. Some of them didn't seem to want to move even with food so close. Hm. If they didn't get up and eat soon he'd just make another philosopher's stone with them, then they'd be useful before they expired. Dumping the last dead smurf in the bucket, he checked on the caged smurfs again. The four highwaymen were eating, and a few of the animals turned smurfs were making their way to the table. He watched the group for a moment, ignoring the rude gestures the bandit smurfs made.

Five were still not moving. Those he pulled out by hand, ignoring the panic of the rest. "Hmm. One more..." He plucked up a squealing smurf -obviously another transformed animal- and put it in the cage with the other five.

In a lighter mood, he started making another stone.

**00000**

Hefty carried a stick and prodded the ground carefully before he took a step. He could see the cage resting on the side of the house, two smurfs inside. He couldn't tell if they were part of his family, but if Gargamel found them they'd be in trouble.

The problem was that out in the open he was a sitting duck too. So he was standing behind the plants that lined the pond poking around carefully with a stick. The strong smurf knew he was supposed to just observe, but the sight of two smurfs in trouble made him want to charge across the open land and try to rescue them. If only he had something to hide under. The stones lining the path to the bridge were just too small, even if he lay prone.

The human probably wouldn't have put traps in his path though, he considered. Overcome by impulse, Hefty charged, running as fast as he could up the path and hoping that the door wouldn't open. Heart pounding, he came up to the doorstep and jumped up to flatten his back against the stone archway that framed the door.

"Hey, smurfs!" He called quietly.

"Who's there?" A smurf with blond eyebrows and no hat looked down from the cage. "Hefty Smurf! Thank goodness you're here!"

"Peewit?" So it was true! And here he thought Brainy was just making assumptions.

"That nasty wizard changed me and Biquette into smurfs. You've gotta get us outta here." The fear in the jester's voice was unmistakable.

"Smurf down. I'll smurf up and see what I can do." Hefty assured him before climbing up the cracks in the stone wall. Don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Those three words became his mantra as he slowly made his way higher.

The acrophobic smurf was almost giddy when he realized he'd finally made it. He reached out to grab the cage, pulling himself onto the rim just outside the bars.

"It's a smurfy thing this cage is made of wood." The strong smurf said as he pulled two bars apart, straining before he heard the desired snapping sound. it was quick work then to lever the bits out of place and leave an opening large enough for the pair to get through.

Biquette jumped fearlessly, hopping down between the small jut of the doorframe and the stone wall in a display that had both smurfs looking on in awe. It was far slower getting the Peewit to climb down.

"She may be a smurf, but she's still a goat at heart." The jester chuckled.

"Are you going to smurf down any time soon?" Hefty was starting to get annoyed at the short smurf's stalling. He didn't like being up there anymore than the former human did.

"I can't! It's too high!" Peewit moaned. How do smurfs stand climbing like this?

Another idea occured to Hefty. "How much do you smurf?" He grabbed the former human by the hips and lifted him without further warning. "Hm. I think we can smurf it. Smurf on my back."

As soon as the short smurf had grabbed on, the muscled smurf grabbed his hat, took a deep breath, and lept from the cage. He felt his passenger tighten his grip as the hat caught air and billowed out, forming a small parachute.

"Smurf yourself, we're about to land." The landing was rough, and they both rolled across the front stoop. Biquette helped her transformed friend up and Hefty adjusted his hat.

"Let's smurf outta here." Hefty motioned for the two to follow him, and off they ran.

"Are we going back to your village?" At the tattooed smurf's nod the former human said, "Then have I got some news for you." Once they reached the safety of the forest, the three smurfs slowed, and Peewit began to tell what he'd seen inside Gargamel's castle.

**00000**

Huntress was distracted by fatigue and swirling thoughts. She made her way to the smurfiminium in a daze, climbing the stairs and opening her door. She finally bothered to look at the room, the walls were a cream color and it was sparsely decorated with a dining table and standing closet closest to the door. There was a wooden sofa with stuffed cushions, and a small table between the doors to the bedroom and washroom. She was sure the smurfs didn't fathom internal plumbing until their first trip to the other world brought ideas back with them. Or perhaps she was wrong, the inventor one always seemed to be far ahead of his time.

It was hard to recall anything and wonder if her mindset at the time had truly been her own. She did get amusement when her former master's plans backfired. Since that made him angry, she was sure that was hers. The anger she felt at being denied food was her too, she was sure. That was usually enough to make her try and eat smurfs. Would she have gotten poisoned? Normally bright colored animals were poisonous.

Huntress started pacing. She enjoyed being pampered by anything willing to give her a friendly pet. This oddly included the smurfs after she got her paw snared in a leg trap. And it did make her feel like she shouldn't have stolen the spell. Was that guilt?

The former feline growled out loud. She wasn't used to regretting things. Grabbing her red hair, she wished she could somehow just make her thoughts go away. She took a deep breath, ready to scream.

Wait. Why did she smell another smurf?

Narrowing her eyes, she took four quick strides to the door, flinging it open. The smurf leaning across from her door jumped in surprise.

"Tracker." Huntress hissed. "What are you doing here?"

The woodsmurf composed himself, "Just smurfing in. I thought I smurfed growling."

"That was me." The smurfette scowled.

Tracker wondered for the twentieth time just what he was doing. He'd only meant to keep an eye on the transformed cat.

He voiced his next thought. "How did you smurf I was here?"

The female grinned smugly. "You're not the only one with a keen nose."

Tracker's eyes widened. So that was it. She still had her feline sense of smell. The woodsmurf wondered who might be the better tracker.

Huntress sighed. "If you're going to stand there I'm going back in." She started to turn.

Tracker found himself walking forward and grabbing the redhead's shoulder. What was he doing? He wasn't sure himself. She faced him again.

"Listen." He started. He looked at her and suddenly realized what was going on.

He was attracted to her.

Oh bloody hell.

The former feline leaned in, inhaling deeply through her nose. "Why do you smell so good?" She wondered out loud. Her proximity excited him and any half-formed thought to get himself out of the situation promptly exited his brain along with the rush of blood to other places.

Huntress wondered why she suddenly wanted to nuzzle into the smurf's chest. She felt intoxicated, like she'd rolled in catnip. The feeling pooled in her stomach and wondered if she was going into heat.

Heat!?

The daze both smurfs were in ended when the smurfette jerked back. She kept backpedaling into the living area before stopping and pointing at him accusingly.

"What are you doing to me?" She demanded.

Tracker felt like he had to reboot his mind to answer. "Doing?" He muttered, confused. He followed her into the apartment.

"Do smurfettes go into heat?" The former feline asked bluntly. That startled the male into laughing. He managed to shake his head in answer so he wouldn't anger her.

Finally he got himself under control. "No. They don't. It was just..." He trailed off for a moment. "We were just smurfing mutual arousal. That is to smurf, we're attracted to each other physically." That seemed to calm her down a bit.

Huntress watched him for a moment, he leaned against the small area of blank space between the free standing closet and the door. She'd told Gargamel at one point she didn't want the memories, but now she had changed her mind. She didn't want to think -more-.

Tracker had calmed down slightly, at least now he was able to think. He should leave but it felt as if his feet were rooted to the floor. Looking up, he saw the smurfette heading toward him again. Was she going to toss him out? He hoped for a kiss instead.

She closed the door, latching it before she hugged him. He could hear her inhaling his scent again and smelled her arousal grow stronger. When she finally pulled back he noticed her eyes were dilated. The woodsmurf leaned forward with eyes half-closed. He wanted to kiss her so badly.

Suddenly he felt her hands on his waistline and she bent down, pulling his pants off.

Tracker squawked in surprise. "Ah, Azzy, what?!" The smurf blushed violet when he realized just where she was looking and just what she was planning on doing.

His scent was strongest at his groin, and the former feline did nuzzle him then, eliciting a startled gasp from the woodsmurf. Mischievously, she licked his shaft, enjoying his strangled cry. The redhead decided she liked the flavor and licked again. The prey-like noises were just a bonus.

It was like his mind had melted into a happy buzz punctuated by small explosions of pleasure. Tracker wasn't sure exactly why he should protest this treatment anymore. The sensations stopped and he blinked.

Huntress was sliding off her pants. She turned, showing her naked bottom to him as she got down on all fours. Her stubby tail wagged in excitement. She looked back at him expectantly. He nearly tripped before he got his feet out of his pants and knelt down behind her.

He had a moment of doubt, but figured in for a smurfberry, in for a bushel. Lining his smurf up carefully, he thrust into her. They both cried out at the sensations. Experimentally, he pulled out and pushed in again. The feeling was incredible, and soon he was thrusting into the redhead at a pace that was given voice by her throaty cries. Half-moan, half-mewl, it was something Tracker found arousing by itself.

The smurfette had never felt something so pleasurable, no wonder humans mated all the time! If it felt anything like this -and by the similarities in equipment it was likely- then it explained why she would happen upon rutting couples during her hunts. The pleasure was building too, with each pump her body tightened a bit more, tensing like a bowstring. Her fingernails dug into the rug underneath them. Suddenly the bowstring snapped and Huntress yowled. Her body clenched around her lover.

"A-azzy." Tracker moaned, the new sensations of her own orgasm pushing him over the edge into a final explosion of pleasure and he pumped his seed into her. Euphoria and a sudden fatigue took him over, but the woodsmurf managed to collapse onto the rug beside the former feline instead of on top of her.

Huntress stretched, rolling over and using the smurf's shoulder as a pillow while she curled around him. Her final thought before she fell asleep was that she definitely wouldn't be going back to being a cat.

The woodsmurf's energy was slow in coming back to him, so he lay there with the redhead snuggled up to his side. After all of his attempts to stay out of the insanity of spring fever, here he was. Oh irony.

The biggest question that weighed upon his mind was: what was going to happen now?


	5. Ch 05: The Battle

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Reviews:**  
**Lac Lausanne: Thanks for your continued reviews. :D Poor Peewit, he's even shorter as a smurf! Bwahaha. Since I'm mixing the various universes together you'll see most of the regular human characters, like Homibus. I'm also taking liberties as an author for some things. And now to fun time at Gargamel's~ XD**

Chapter 05: The Battle

"Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf!" Brainy ran into the village. The know-it-all made it to Papa's house, knocking on the door. After a few moments of no answer, he opened the door. The house was empty. Stumped for only a moment before he thought about the morning's meeting, he turned and dashed towards Vanity's house.

He flung open the door and barged in. "Papa Smu-Eeeek!"

"Do you mind?!" Vanity shouted. Mirror giggled nervously.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry! Just smurfing for Papa!" Brainy closed the door quickly.

From behind the door Mirror called out, "Try the mess hall!"

The bespectacled smurf tried to put what he'd just seen out of his mind as he ran off to the mess hall. He called out for their leader again, looking around for the noticeable red amongst all the smurfs leaving from lunch. There! No, that was Painter.

Wait, there he was. Brainy dodged around his brethren, hollering "Papa Smurf!"

"Brainy! What's smurfened?" Papa looked at the intellectual as he tried to catch his breath.

"Papa," He gasped "Gargamel's smurfed Peewit." He took a deep breath. "Johan has smurfed off and is bringing humans to go after him."

"Where's Hefty?" The elder asked, concerned. Smurfette had approached, carrying Baby. Other curious smurfs began to gather as well.

"Scouting by himself." Brainy was finally catching his breath. "He smurfed me to come back and smurf you about this."

Papa thought for a moment, "Smurfette, find someone to watch Baby. Brainy, smurf Gutsy, he'll tell you who we need to gather. Has anyone seen-" He paused as he spotted the smurf he needed and called out "Drummer! Call a village meeting! Get Crazy or Harmony to smurf you if need be!"

The percussion smurf nodded and ran to a corner of the mess hall to retrieve his drum. "Harmony!" He called, and the trumpet player was soon hot on his heels with trumpet in hand. Most of the smurfs were in the mess hall and they filed out, grabbing food (or plates in Greedy's case) as they left. Brainy managed to grab a roll and apple. It would do until all this business was over.

Smurfette huffed as most of the smurfs cast a sideways glance at her and scooted further away. Baby lurched in her arms and she had to catch the child before she dove to the floor. "Baby, what?" She looked in the direction that the child was making grabbing motions and saw Grouchy. The scowling smurf had his arms crossed and was glaring at scragglers as they left the mess hall.

He notice the blond looking at him and walked over. "Alright, smurf her over." He rumbled.

Startled by his offer (hadn't he just watched her this morning?) Smurfette started to question the grumpy smurf, but thought the better of it. "Thanks Grouchy, you're a smurfsaver." She passed the child off to the scowling smurf and jogged from the mess hall. It was quiet without all the smurfs inside and his slow footsteps echoed.

He paused and allowed himself a smile. "Let's see what's smurfing, Baby." The smurfling cooed and grabbed his nose. Feeling content, he carried the child out to the village square.

**00000**

Tracker woke up, feeling cold on one side and warm on the other. The beating of a drum and blaring of a horn was still going outside in the distance. The woodsmurf remembered just why he was laying on the floor with a naked Huntress curled up at his side. Somehow the white band that covered her had slipped down and he found himself staring at her chest. His face flushed as he picked himself up slowly. The smurfette made a noise of protest and blinked sleepily.

"Tracker?" She stretched, arching her back and curling her fingers before sitting up. "What's going on?"

"A village meeting." The male said as he pulled on his pants. "We should smurf to it."

The former feline hoped it wasn't a 'let's kick Azreal out' meeting. She sighed and pulled on her own pants, adjusting the tube top to cover herself again. She was tempted to try and tackle him to the ground and have her way with him, but her stomach started growling.

"I hope we can eat lunch after." The redhead sighed as she followed Tracker out the door.

**00000**

Counter double checked the roll. Traveler, Camper, Explorer, and Marco were absent; but those four were always out of the village trying to slake their wanderlust. Tracker and the new smurfette, Huntress, were also missing. He scanned the crowd again. Ah, there they were. Check and check.

"All present, Papa." He reported.

"Thank you Fi- ah Counter." The elder stumbled and almost called him Finance, as he often did when a smurf changed their name. The mathematician didn't mind. He was still fascinated with money, but had found that numbers in general were also interesting... Plus, changing his name helped smurfs to forget the whole coin debacle. He moved off to the side as Papa climbed up on the Speaking Stool.

"I apologize for smurfing this meeting up from this evening, my little smurfs." He began. "But Gargamel has transmurfed our friend Peewit into a smurf and likely has him in the smurfalator as we smurf!"

"No, not Peewit!" Harmony cried. Other smurfs gasped and the noise level momentarily rose.

Papa held up his hands for quiet. "This means we need to smurf now, even if Gargamel is awake. Johan has smurfed to bring humans to attack Gargamel. I fear the resulting battle will injure or even smurf those smurfs, including Peewit." He motioned to Gutsy, Brainy, and Smurfette, who stepped forward.

"The basic plan is to smurf to Gargamels, make sure he's asleep, and free those smurfs. We'll also try to smurf damage to any essence stores and the smurfalator. That plan will have to change. I'm smurfen to suggestions."

Several smurfs shouting at once created a din, and Brainy finally shouted. "One smurf at a time! Raise your smurf to be recognized!"

Gradually the noise dropped again and several hands shot into the air. The red-clad smurf looked around, picking one at random. "Handy."

The engineer dropped his hand, "I say we all smurf, like we did through the first portal." A few of the smurfs dropped their arms down as well, while others shouted in agreement. "If we just had a way to smurf him out of his castle."

"What you smurfs need is a distraction." Jokey chuckled, not bothering to raise his hand or be recognized. "And everysmurf knows I'm good at smurfing distractions." He laughed as he gently tossed one of his signature joke boxes into the air and caught it.

"Aye, that could smurf." Gutsy said thoughtfully. "A team of smurfs ta smurf up a distraction and lure Gargamel from his home. Then two teams ta enter. One ta smurf the prisoners, and the other ta wreck the smurfalator and any essence."

Papa spoke up again, "While I think it's smurfy everysmurf wants to help, we shouldn't put everysmurf at risk." He paused as the plan began to take shape in his mind. "Three four smurf teams should be more than enough."

The elder pointed to the smurfs as he called their names for the teams. "Jokey, Alchemist, Actor, and Dreamy will smurf the distraction team." Out of the crowd, three smurfs made their way to group near the blond.

"Hey Alchemist, you still smurf those ingredients?" The prankster smurf was in his element, grinning broadly when the magic user nodded. "Three smurfs, explosive glue traps."

Excitement lit up the star-spangled smurf's eyes. "Yeeess!" The two shared a fist bump. Actor wondered what the heck he was just volunteered for.

"Gutsy, Natural, Brainy, and Clumsy will smurf the smurf rescue." Papa continued. Natural was sure it was his gift for talking with animals that had him picked, but he was happy to be able to help the creatures of the forest. He wove his way out of the crowd to the front.

"Lastly, Smurfette, Handy, Vexy, and myself will desmurf the smurfalator and essence. Grouchy will smurf in charge while I'm gone." Surprised eyes turned to see the village sourpuss holding Baby and scowling.

Though he announced it, Papa spoke directly to him. "If we've not smurfed back by nightfall, smurf another rescue party and be sure to smurf around before charging in." The grump nodded.

The elder scanned the crowed. "I need the rest of my little smurfs to be ready to evacuate the village at a moment's smurf. Should Gargamel smurf here, there's no telling what he could smurf." Murmurs of agreement rippled through the assembled smurfs.

The red-clad smurf hopped down off the toadstool, which visually declared the meeting over. The crowd began to disperse. Grouchy approached the gathered smurfs with his trademark scowl in place.

"I hate being in charge." He snarked.

Papa only grinned as he watched his son with Baby. "I know. But somesmurf has to smurf it. I smurfed you're smurfsitting again." It was a non-subtle change in topic.

"Somesmurf has to smurf it." Grouchy echoed back at him. The bearded smurf thought he caught a quick half-grin, barely a twitch of the grump's lips.

The bearded smurf chuckled. He glanced at Gutsy as the scotsmurf organized his team, the distraction team had rushed over to Alchemist's and would probably stop by Jokey's as well before they headed out of the village.

Baby began to whine and the grumpy smurf felt her bottom to check it. Oh boy, she needed changing. Without a word he left the teams to head to Papa's house. The changing table had been sat up there. On the way he thought about possible evacuations and decided that it would be a good idea to pack up a bag of the smurfling's necessities just in case of attack. Then if they were out in the woods for an extended stay they wouldn't have to improvise as much.

In less than an hour the teams were ready to leave.

**00000**

"I'm sorry I can't help you more, Johan." King Gerard said sadly. "But with the constant threats to the kingdom from my relatives I have very few loyal royal guards."

The two bowmen and three knights watched their King speak to the young knight. At his feet, Clockwork chirped and whirred.

The King looked down at the tiny android, "What's the matter Clockwork?" He watched the little wooden being head over to Johan and point. "Ah, I see. Clockwork has volunteered to assist you." Gerard frowned.

"Clockwork, without my knights, I fear that one of my relatives my attack me. I know you wish to help, but would you please stay here?" The King asked his tiny adviser. After a few moments of contemplation, the android chirped and clicked. "Thank you my friend."

Back to business, Johan addressed the guards. "Thank you again, King Gerard. Come men, time is of the essence!" He bowed respectfully to the King and left with the five other men trailing behind him.

**00000**

The teams made their way out of the village, Papa wasn't sure if he should be proud or worried at the two overstuffed sacks carried by Jokey and Alchemist. At least the two smurfs were enthusiastic about their plans. The elder hoped that they would make it in time.

The group trekked through the forest as the sun began to set. Papa held up a hand to halt the teams when he thought he heard something.

"Is it much farther?" A voice whined.

"Not by much." A more familiar voice answered.

"Hefty?" Handy called out. From around a tree came the strong smurf followed closely by two unfamiliar smurfs, a male and a female.

"Handy, Papa, what's smurfin on?" The tattooed smurf asked.

"I was about to smurf you the same thing." The elder replied. "Brainy smurfed us that Gargamel had Peewit, so we smurfed up a rescue."

The unfamiliar smurf, so short he was almost smurfling sized and with blond eyebrows, smiled broadly. "You smurfs are such good friends! But Hefty already rescued Biquette and me." Behind the short smurf a dark haired smurfette pawed the ground. The jester raised a hand to pat his mount, then realized that felt awkward now.

"Peewit?" Clumsy asked in awe. "You're really a smurf!"

"I smurfed these two in a cage outside the castle. I couldn't just smurf them there." Hefty explained.

"We wouldn't have escaped if it wasn't for that dryad attacking Gargamel. That wizard probably regrets changing her into a smurf." The former human chuckled.

"Peewit, how many smurfs are there in Gargamel's smurf?" Papa asked.

"Umm..." The short smurf started. "I'm sure there's more than a dozen, but likely no more than two dozen. I didn't exactly stick around to count them... sorry." He finished sheepishly.

"It's fine." The elder assured him. "Hefty. If you'd could smurf Peewit and Biquette back to the village, we'll smurf through with this rescue."

"If it's all the smurf to you, Papa, I wanna smurf along." Hefty looked at the others.

"If Johan is heading to that Wizard's place, I need to help too." Peewit added shakily. It was more than a little unnerving to be able to understand the various uses of 'smurf' he was hearing.

"Well, from the smurfs of it we may need some extra hands. Let's get smurfing." Papa waved and the group headed off again.

Peewit was sure he must be crazy, heading back to the sorcerer's place after his transformation left him at even worse of a height disadvantage than usual. But what if Gargamel captured Johan and changed him too? Well, he'd show him just why he was once known as a goblin!

**00000**

After the transformed smurfs had eaten, he used magic to pluck them up and deposit them back into the cages of the smurfalator. He didn't want to take the chance with bites, that dryad would probably do it just to spite him. He watched that one in particular as he turned on the smurfalator.

She screamed, just like they all had. It made him feel vindicated for the throbbing in his left hand. He looked down to check the beaker of essence and did a double take.

That was a stream! How could that be? He looked at the cages. It had to be the dryad. What was special about her? How could a former magical...

"Magic!" The wizard exclaimed out loud to himself. The dryad was a magical creature before she was transformed. So to gain as much essence as a natural born smurf, he'd have to find magical creatures to transform into smurfs!

The sudden image of his godfather being turned into a smurf and stuck into the smurfalator caused him to cackle. That would show the pompous weasel! He could transform that blasted moat monster as well. And Hogatha! Why, he could go down the list of any wizard who'd ever so much as scoffed at him and turn them all into a living battery for his greatness!

He should plan this, he decided. Plucking up a quill and blank parchment, he started writing down names. The top of his list was his 'dear' Uncle Balthazar.

The first draft of the list was startlingly long.

Over an hour of crossing out and rewriting, he was satisfied. He checked the beaker on the smurfalator and had to dive to turn the machine off. He pulled out another beaker and carefully tipped the nearly overflowing one to it's side to pour the essence out so he could stopper it. He put the new beaker in place and stared at his second filled container of essence.

He should hide one, he thought suddenly. Yes. Yes. A backup plan. Or escape clause. Nothing had gone so right for him in this era for so long he suddenly wondered if he was finally getting a break or if this was just the pendulum about to swing back and hit him in the ass harder than ever before.

So. Hide this one. In the attic? No, the roof was blown off far too often for his liking. He'd take this into the basement and make some sort of hidden cache. He pulled the rug off the stairs to the basement and pulled the hatch open. The thick wooden door swung upwards and he propped it open carefully before descending into the cold depths. The place was cluttered with old things, failed smurf trapping devices, childhood toys, the Great Book of Spells on it's altar. That finicky book. If it wasn't so useful he'd try to see if he could turn it into a smurf as well.

Turning his attention to his first idea, he selected a quiet corner of the basement, one that was under the ground instead of the floor above. With a wave of his wand, a smooth stone hollow came into being, concealed behind an almost seamless portion of the basement's wall. The only notable difference was a small circle where the door release was. He closed the beaker up safely in the hollow.

Coming up from the basement, he felt like doing a jig as he closed the basement trapdoor and covered it once again. He flicked the smurfalator on again. Some of the smurfs started crying out. He paid it no attention. If he hurried, he could make his uncle's castle and surprise the man with a transformation before coming back before nightfall.

He opened his door, smurf catching sack and wand in hand, only to come face to face with six men.

**00000**

Johan slowed and stopped Bayard while the five men with him followed his lead. "We'll go on foot from here. Best not to give this dastardly wizard any forewarning."

They dismounted, Sir Raynard and his two fellow knights drew their swords and Hanz and Miel pulled their bows out, notching arrows. The youngest knight led the way, hoping that his friend hadn't been killed.

As they neared the worn down stone building they could hear cries from tiny voices from within. The dark haired youth gritted his teeth. He'd be no use at all to his friend if he lost his head and got captured too. The six humans crept quietly up to the door.

It suddenly swung open and a rather cheery faced Gargamel stepped out. The moment of shock passed quickly and out of reflex the wizard blasted the knights and bowmen away from him.

"More smurfs for my smurfalator, I see!" The sorcerer cackled as the humans tried to recover.

"Not today Gargamel!" Papa Smurf's voice rang out from the bridge over the nearby pond. With him stood over a dozen smurfs, four already arming a slingshot with a yellow gift box as ammo.

One of the bowmen had recovered and Hanz fired his arrow at the same moment the box was released.

Gargamel chose to deflect the more deadly of the two projectiles, batting the arrow away with magic. The gift box hit him in the side of the head, exploding and splattering him with goop that matted his left eye shut. He fired raw energy at the Bowman first, then he had to blast one of the knights away from him. The knight didn't rise, out cold. The second and third knights in armor had recovered and charged him.

Another joke box hit him on the leg, splattering more goop. "Will you stop that?" Snarled the wizard, annoyed. He swept his wand from one knight to the other, unleashing a steady stream of energy that knocked them back. One landed hard against a tree and slumped forward while the other splashed into the pond and had to struggle to get out with all the weight of his armor on.

The second bowman was targeted before he could even get an arrow out of the quiver, the magical blast sending the poor man flipping end over end to lie on his side sprawled over a log near the pond. Another joke box exploded at his feet, the alchemical glue spreading and just as quickly drying. Caught in the moment, the mage didn't notice.

He targeted the last bowman just as he was pulling back an arrow, then the dark haired youth. Only Sir Johan managed to roll away. The bowman was knocked back to tumble down the slope of the road to lie face first in the dirt. The agile youth charged.

Gargamel scowled at the young knight as he rushed closer. "I'll deal with you like I dealt with your little friend! Alakasmurf!" He tried to take a step back but couldn't.

At the same time, Johan slashed the wand with his sword.

The magical blast blinded any who happened to be looking. Johan was shoved to the ground by the blast.

Trying to blink the bedazzlement out of his eyes, the knight wondered why he felt tingles. And where was his sword?

He heard cheers, most likely from the smurfs. Then he heard his name being called by Peewit. His vision finally clearing, the dark haired youth realized that the world didn't just look different because he was lying prone. He held up his hand. Blue with four fingers. His sword was nearby, still sized perfectly for him, though there was a large burn into one edge.

A smurf dressed in Peewit's clothing ran up to him. From the voice it was indeed his friend. "Johan! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Peewit." He stood up shakily and ran a hand through his hair... or tried to. He was as bald as any other smurf. Now he knew why smurfs wore hats. He felt a bit exposed without his hair.

"It's good to see you're safe, my friend." The knight turned smurf glanced to where the wizard had stood. There stood a worn out pair of red shoes glued to the stoop, smoke coming from the both of them. The door behind was blackened and charred. He looked at the men who had followed him here. They were all lying sprawled where the magic took them, one with his legs in the pond, but at least they were still human and alive.

The smurfs were approaching, Papa leading the way. Most of the little blue people were staring at their enemy's smoking shoes. The transformed knight pulled out a handkerchief and tied it like a bandanna around his baldness.

Papa had examined the shoes, looking inside them. "I had always smurfed," he began as he sat down on the doorstep "that perhaps one day Gargamel would change for the better. Now it smurfs that his ways have finally caught up to him." His words stopped the silent rejoicing of some of the smurfs. Smurfette and Vexy hugged each other and the blond started crying.

Johan approached the step. "I'm sorry Papa Smurf, but sometimes humans are like mad dogs. It's a kinder for all involved to put them down."

Gutsy and Hefty were leading 8 of the other smurfs in climbing up to the window. Papa took a breath and got up, heading over to help.

It only took Johan a moment to decide. "Come Peewit, we'll help." The miniature knight was surprised that his short friend started climbing without much grumbling. Biquette was by far the quickest climber, beating even Gutsy to the top to stand on the windowsill due to her terrifying jumps. She then demonstrated the easy way to get down to the ground by taking a running leap onto the bed.

"Not bad for a goat turned smurf." The scotsmurf grinned. "But smurfs can smurf pretty far." With that the adventurous smurf jumped from the sill to the floor. The other smurfs made it to the top and started jumping to the floor as well.

"You can do that?" Peewit asked nervously as he watched them.

"Easy as smurf." Jokey answered before he hopped off. "Smurfs are built tougher than humans." Due to their size they had to be.

Peewit still jumped from windowsill to bed then climbed down the cover. Johan showed his typical fearlessness of heights and jumped down along with the other smurfs. The noise of the screams and cries was louder in here and Nat clapped his hands over his ears.

"We've got to smurf off that machine." Papa ran just behind Hefty as they headed to the smurfalator. The switch was clear, though it was a few feet off the ground.

"Smurf ladder, go!" Hefty shouted as he stood at the bottom. One by one the smurfs climbed into a stack, getting higher with each one added. Smurfette, her face still wet with tears, was the last to go up to be even with the switch and got the honor of turning off the machine.

In the middle Clumsy jerked as the room went quiet. "Woo-hoo! We did i-aaah!" His movement made him fumble Actor's foot, who let go of Alchemist's feet as his natural instinct to pinwheel his arms took over. In short order the smurf ladder collapsed in to a pile of smurfs collectively groaning, "Clumsy..."

"Sorry." The klutzy smurf apologized sheepishly. The smurfs pulled themselves out quickly. Handy found a wooden spoon and set it up as a catapult. Gutsy stood ready in the dip of the spoon, a coil of rope over his shoulder. Hefty tossed Brainy into the air and he came down on the other end of the spoon which shot the kilt clad smurf up on top of the smurfalator.

The rope was quickly tied off to a support strut of one of the cages and tossed down.

After a few moments Gutsy looked down at the other smurfs. "Papa, we have a problem. None of these smurfs look ta be in any shape ta smurf down this rope on their own."

Handy thought over the problem, thinking up and discarding ideas in a quick flurry of thought until he hit on a simplistic one. "Fire brigade catch! We need to smurf a large piece of cloth." Papa agreed and the smurfs spread out to search.

Johan was amazed at how well the smurfs worked together. He started to go help look around when the scotsmurf called to him. "Johan, if yeh dinnae mind, I could smurf a hand up here."

"Coming, Gutsy." The knight was climbing the rope before he was finished speaking.

Vexy found a spare clean handkerchief, which the smurfs on the ground pulled tight between themselves. One by one, all the smurfs in the smurfalator were freed and tossed down. They lay on the cool stone floor, trying to recover.

Nat wept at the state of the animals turned smurfs. None of them had been clothed, most had some form of filth on themselves, and every one was weak to the point of barely moving. The tenderhearted smurf rushed back to the drawer Vexy had pulled the first cloth from and got more, tearing the cloth and using his teeth to do so until Johan offered him his spare knife. He made smurf sized blankets, something to at least offer the transformed woodland creatures some comfort.

The clothed smurfs, those that had been sentient before their transformation, fared much better. Already the one Peewit called 'Dryad' was able to sit up. The female stared at nothing. The bandits turned smurfs were awake, but in no condition to move under their own power.

There were 15 transformed smurfs in all.

There was a pounding on the door. "Sir Johan, are you in there?" All of the non-transformed smurfs flinched as if they wanted to run and hide.

The miniature knight trotted to the middle of the floor in front of the door, far back enough where he was sure he wouldn't be stepped on. "I'm in here, Sir Raynard, break down the door if you have to!"

The door opened easily for a human, it wasn't locked. And in walked the armor clad knight. The human raised his visor at the sight of tiny blue people working a sort of infirmary for others of their kind. He was shocked to silence.

Johan waved from his place in the floor. "Sir Raynard, though I was able to defeat the evil wizard, I fear I've now been transformed as well. Are you and your men able to make your way back to the castle unaided?"

"Yes." The human started, then seemed to snap out of it. "Yes, Sir Johan."

"I need you to inform King Gerard that the Wizard Gargamel is no more, but I'll be staying with the smurfs while I seek a way to change myself back. Beg of him to inform my King. And that Peewit has suffered the same fate." Johan glanced at his short friend, who nodded.

"It shall be done. What of your horse?" The knight asked.

"Leave Bayard, I still have need of him." Johan smiled at the human's perplexed expression. No doubt the man was trying to envision how a smurf would mount such a large creature.

"As you wish. Luck be with you in curing your affliction, Sir Johan." The human bowed.

"And a thousand thanks to you and your men, Sir Raynard. Give my thanks to King Gerard as well." With an affirmative, the human left the door open and walked out, one of the bowmen casting a curious stare into the stone building. If nothing else, the human knight thought to himself with amusement, he had been a good distraction to the wizard.

Johan whistled for his steed and the horse came. He had to call out to the stallion and the animal lowered his head down to the smurf's level, inhaling and then snorting hard enough to make the blue knight stagger back. Bayard nickered his greeting, recognizing him by scent.

They tied the horse to the smurfalator and dragged the machine outside. It damaged the roof as the power source was forcibly broken loose. There, the knight ordered his horse to stomp the machine into pieces. The animal did so with a flourish, finally using both back feet to kick it into the pond where it sank quickly into the muck.

The beaker and a half of smurf essence that the smurfs found would be taken back to the village. Papa would put it to good use trying to change all of the transformed smurfs back into their original forms. Knowing that with the possible exception of Johan, all the smurfs had been fully transformed with the True Blue spell, Papa wondered if he would be able to change them back at all. It angered him that a spell meant to be a gift and a blessing was used so maliciously.

Handy had decided that the best way to transport all of the weakened smurfs was to make three small wagons, it was either that or to make multiple trips with night quickly coming. Vexy was annoyed that the engineer had dismissed her idea of using cloth to make multiple hammocks and letting Bayard carry them back to the village.

The disagreement did give her an idea. She whispered to Smurfette, who smiled.

The blond approached the smurf that was a knight, "Johan, can we smurf Bayard for a bit? Vexy had the idea to smurf back to the village to get some wagons and more help."

"Of course." He stumbled over the words. "I just clearly understood what you said in smurf language." He murmured to himself. The two smurfettes had climbed onto the horse's head and were heading off into the forest.

**00000**

Natural wasn't sure if he'd ever stop crying. They had found smurf sized cups in a large cage and he was using that to try and rehydrate the transformed smurfs. The four former humans had managed to sit up and were drinking water on their own, but that was the only progress he'd seen so far.

The squeaks a few of the former animals had uttered had told him that there were mice and squirrels. From the way two of them acted he was sure they were once birds, but which species he didn't know. One of them was possibly a snake, it tried to make the same motions a snake would use to slither but got nowhere due to it's new body. Another was likely a frog from the way she sat. He did a head count of his guesses. One snake, two birds, three squirrels, three rats or mice, and one frog.

The squeaks and chitters said the same thing, over and over. "Hurt. Pain. Help." Nat tried to engage them, speaking to the most vocal one, who he guessed was a squirrel. He chittered at her. "You're safe now. No one will hurt you anymore."

The former squirrel seemed to focus her eyes on him. "Safe? Safe? No hurt?" She asked back in her rodent language.

"Yes. Safe. No hurt. We friends. We help." Nat answered back. He brushed a hand along fluffy brown hair, a squirrel grey lock of hair doing the same defiance of gravity as the rest. Slowly, the blanket clad female scooted closer to him, laying her head on his lap.

She whispered. "Safe" Curling into a ball, the smurfette slept. Natural stifled a sob.

The other two former squirrels, a male and female, had apparently heard the exchange. They pulled up their weary bodies, crawling over to Nat. Both muttered 'Safe' as if in prayer. Nat soon had three soundly sleeping squirrel-smurfs making his legs go numb.

All he could do was look longingly at the other creatures and wish he was able to help them at the same time.

Actor watched the nature lover weep over the injured animals. There were too many needs and not enough of Nat to go around. Taking a deep breath, he imagined himself putting a mask on that had his brother's likeness. It was one of the things that helped him get into character.

He approached his brother, covered by sleeping smurfs. "Let them smurf I'm safe too. You can smurf them to me and see to the others." He murmured gently.

It took some chittering, but eventually the transformed squirrels lifted their heads long enough for Nat and Actor to exchange places. The actor petted hair or rubbed a shoulder reassuringly, trying to give the traumatized smurfs some comfort.

Natural spoke with the other animals in their own languages. It took him some guesswork to figure out the birds were a sparrow and titmouse, but eventually he had spoken to and reassured all of the transformed smurfs. The snake now moved his arms and legs, having to be explained what they were. Of the animals, he was the most alert. The birds had made their way to actor too and now he had two smurfs leaning against his back, their postures like birds roosting.

The three mice had curled up to themselves, sharing comfort and body heat. The frog just shivered by herself, which prompted Nat to wrap his arms around her.

Bayard finally came back, on his back were three smurf wagons tied tightly to the saddle, with several more smurfs in addition to Vexy and Smurfette. Handy reluctantly left his half-finished wagon alone and admitted he hadn't thought of retrieving wagons from the village.

During the wait, Papa and Brainy had searched for any copies of the True Blue spell. They found the original ripped page from Papa's spellbook, plus a handwritten copy on Gargamel's desk. The elder hoped that the sorcerer hadn't seen fit to make more copies.

"Should we smurf a way to smurf these books back to the village too?" Brainy wondered aloud.

"That can wait. I'd have to smurf up some shrinking powder as well." Papa shook his head. More than likely Gargamel's mother would want the books. He could easily stall until the family had picked through his belongings. He was also glad it hadn't been smurfs who had killed the human. His mother seemed just as likely to hold a grudge as her son had. And he had held on to his for almost four decades.

Below the table where Papa and Brainy stood, the wagons were almost loaded. One held the more mobile of the transformed smurfs and the full beaker of smurf essence. The half-full beaker had been divided up into four smaller vials and placed two each in the other wagons. The dryad was walking, shakily, but she had climbed into the wagon under her own power. The former humans still had difficulty standing, but were alert and talking. They had given their names as Finn, Lars, Quintz, and Samuel.

Johan looked at the men with interest. "You four were the highwaymen!"

Finn nodded, no sense in denying it now. "Aye. But I believe we've learned our lesson. I should've been a baker. I wonder if we get out of this mess I could do that."

The one called Quintz looked at his feet sullenly. "How am I to feed my kids now?"

"Stay a smurf and pass yerself off as a sideshow attraction." The dryad spoke up from her spot, leaning against the beaker of smurf essence. She didn't look at anyone as she spoke.

"Such cheek!" Finn grumbled, glaring at the smurfette.

"If yer stuck like this you may as well give your options some thought." The brown haired female shrugged.

Johan decided to diffuse the situation. "And what is your name, Milady?"

"Dryad's good enough for now, until I figure out what I'm gonna do." She answered.

The small knight wondered at that. "What do you mean by that?" He finally asked.

She shrugged again, "I mean... I don't know. I really, really don't know." She hugged her knees to her chest.

"Hey, it'll be ok." Clumsy smiled at her. She still didn't look at anyone.

"I'm just depressed." She explained shakily. "Pay no attention to me."

Clumsy had approached her corner of the wagon and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched. Apparently she didn't like the attention. "Why are you depressed?" He asked.

She sighed. "You'd be depressed too if you knew you'd never see your family again." Her voice lowered as she spoke, in the end she was muttering and Clumsy had to strain to hear.

The klutzy smurf hugged her. "Don't be sad, Papa Smurf will smurf things right. I just know it." She relaxed a little in the kindhearted smurf's embrace.

After he let her go, she glanced at him. "Thanks."

Clumsy stood, "It's no problem, ev-oops!" The wagons had started moving and clumsy toppled over right into Lars and Finn.

"Sorry. My name's Clumsy by the way." He pulled himself off the two former humans and sat between the transformed smurfs.

The first wagon contained what Actor considered his group, five transformed smurfs that were still snuggled up against him. He honestly thought that they could fit Nat's group into this wagon as well, but it would have weighed down the wagon more.

Natural's group was second. From the sounds of the conversation when they were moving the transformed smurfs around, Nat now had a pile of mice all around him and the frog leaning against his back. The snake was rather independent, as snakes tend to be, and was trying to figure out how to work his new limbs.

Lastly was the wagon with the beaker and sentient transformed smurfs. Dryad had recovered enough to walk and was following along quietly. The beaker was heavy enough that Hefty and Gutsy pulled the rear wagon.

The trek to the village was slow and the sun set before they were half way there. Farmer had the forethought to pack lanterns along with his wagons when Smurfette and Vexy had shown up with Bayard. Now their gentle glow lit the way, providing a beacon for the horse to follow as he trailed behind the little procession.

As they passed through the barrier, Johan called to his horse. Bayard nickered.

"Stay here my friend. Find a nice meadow to graze. I'll have to figure out how to pull off your tack in the morning." The stallion leaned his head down and Johan petted the beast's muzzle affectionately. Then with a swish of his tail, the equine headed off to find a good place to sleep and eat.

Crazy was in the watchtower, scanning the forest trail. He'd been on watch since sundown, keeping an eye out for the returning smurfs. His face twitched involuntarily. He wasn't completely insane, the other smurfs knew he could hold a conversation. Though he had strange quirks that he couldn't control.

If some smurf told him to 'sound the alarm' for example, he couldn't fight performing his signature siren-like wail. At least Papa had put that urge to good use. His other random quirks were less than helpful sometimes. He played it up, goofing off like a loon to make his brethren smile. He figured it was all in good fun and they liked his antics better than Jokey's, so there was that.

There was a glow coming from the forest trail. He watched it and when the wagons came into focus he inhaled deeply and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Aaaaaaooooooooo!" The sound echoed over the village and lights came on in the houses. By the time Crazy had finished his wail, there were smurfs coming out of their houses and heading to meet the wagon train.

In Actor's wagon, the former squirrels flinched at the sound. The smurf spoke in soothing tones, telling them that it was just a friend announcing their arrival. He wasn't sure if they understood, but they did calm down.

There was a question of beds, but after Natural spoke with the animals, he found they would prefer to sleep near each other. One floor of the closest smurfaminium (they called it the East building) was converted into a large sleeping room with many borrowed blankets for the transformed animals. Tailor had a fit when he saw their nude state and rushed to get clothes. The former bandits took the next available floor, making do with the available furniture within. Johan, Peewit, and Biquette claimed the top floor and Dryad said she'd be fine by herself on the forth.

Papa looked at the assembled smurfs, talking with each other about what had happened. "Smurfs!" He shouted. They gradually stopped and looked at their father. "It's very late and while all this is exciting, it's best to be smurfed tomorrow. I'll be smurfing on a solution in my lab all day, so I don't want to be disturbed. Now, good night and smurfy dreams!"

Reluctantly, the crowd dispersed and headed back to their homes. Within the hour, all the smurfs save for Drummer (who relieved Crazy from his watch) were asleep.

The sun rose about four hours later.


	6. Ch 06: The Waiting Game

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-EXTRA WARNING- More Tracker/Azzy smut this chapter. Also a bit of male/male kissing/relationship.**

**Reviews:**

**Lac Lausanne: I can only say my muses aren't allowing me to divulge any spoilers. :3 Thanks again for your reviews!**

Chapter 06: The Waiting Game

(At the village, during the battle)

Vanity hooked his arm through Mirror's, leading the smurf away from the crowd after the meeting had been dismissed.

"I'm glad you weren't smurfed for that mission." The hundredth smurf confessed as they headed to the vain smurf's house.

"Oh I agree." Vanity angled his mirror so he could look at the both of them. What an absolutely smurfy vision! "While any proper smurf worth their smurf should give their all when needed, I'm glad I wasn't needed. Battles can be so unsmurfy." He gave Mirror's linked arm a squeeze. "And you darling, why, I'd have smurfed beside myself if Papa had smurfed you to go. Ah! I may have even smurfed a worry line!"

The reflection smurf smiled and patted his smurffriend's arm. To others he knew those two lines sounded self-centered, but he was fluent in 'Vanity Speak'. The egocentric smurf viewed things through a prism where everything reflected on him. But that didn't mean he didn't care. Vanity was kindhearted, if eccentric.

Entering the mushroom house, the vain smurf sighed. "I'm going to have to smurf some terribly difficult decisions, trying to smurf for this evacuation."

Mirror grinned as he picked up his overnight bag from it's spot just inside Vanity's bedroom door. "I'm done."

"Oh you!" Vanity crossed the floor and wrapped his arms around his love. "Perhaps I should just smurf you into the woods if we need to evacuate." They kissed, the flower wearing smurf taking the lead.

A few stumbling steps later they toppled onto the bed, sharing passionate kisses punctuated by breathy comments of love. At least this time there was no panicked Brainy to walk in on their makeout session.

**00000**

Snappy sighed as he knocked on the door of the mushroom house built into the stump. He heard the smurfling call out and tell him she was coming. He didn't like it, but he felt responsible for her. So here he was, making sure she got ready for a possible evacuation.

The little redhead opened the door. "Hi Snappy, what brings you here?" While the smurfling understood smurf speak just fine, she still didn't speak it.

"I wanted to make sure you were smurfing for a possible evacuation. Just smurf some clothes into a backpack or something." The impulsive smurf explained.

"I would, but... Well... wantin weasels, Snappy, I haven't got a backpack." She complained.

"Oh." The smurf stammered out. There wasn't time for tailor to make her one, and an adult pack wouldn't fit her. "Well, we could smurf some things into a pillowcase. That always smurfs in a pinch."

"Great idea!" The smurfling rushed to a standing closet to pull out a spare pillowcase, then pulled two pairs of little pink overalls from her dresser drawer. So far, those and the pair she was wearing were her only clothes until Tailor could work on some more. "What about a sleeping bag in case we have to spend the night out there? I don't have one."

"Smurf your warmest blanket. You can smurf up in that like it's a cocoon." He watched her stuff an overstuffed quilt into the pillowcase and now it was almost bulging. "That's got it smurfed. Well, I'm going to go smurf my own pack." He trailed off awkwardly and started to close the door.

"Wait! Is it ok to pack some toys?" The smurfling asked, holding up a small smurfball.

"Sure, just don't over smurf it." Snappy said, waving before he closed the door. He heard her shout 'Bye' at him through the wood. Relieved that he'd helped her a bit, he walked to his house to get himself prepared.

**00000**

This was not going to be fun. At all. Being the temporary leader meant he couldn't pay as much attention to Baby as he liked, as well as having to field annoying questions and make decisions that could have dire consequences.

Grouchy scowled. Yes, he hated being in charge. He carried what he'd dubbed the Baby Bag over his shoulder, holding the child curled safely in his opposite arm. He might as well do what Papa said and pack and emergency bag for himself.

His home was simplistic, utilitarian. The only real adornment was a small framed star made from sticks and yellow and red cloth. It was the star he'd made about six years ago when he went from burnt out on Christmas to loving it again, all because of some weird smurfnog induced dream. It wasn't really decoration as other smurfs would see it. It was a reminder to himself not to take things at face value and to appreciate what he did have.

And he probably had the biggest and most lovably annoying family in the world.

His glider hats had caught on, mostly because they were supremely useful for smurfs needing to get down from high places in a hurry. Just about every smurf had one and those who did wore them, even Brainy.

Grouchy was sure he was the only one who had six. He'd kept the first one, it now had a hole in it from some misadventure. Was it a Clumsy crash? No, wait, it was when they tried to teach him how to swim. He shuddered. He still didn't know how, nor did he want to learn how. Brainy had used one of his fancy words... aquaphobic.

Grouchy liked 'I hate water' better.

He pulled out one of his glider hats and stuffed a pair of smurf pants into them. Those he tucked under the hat he wore. There. Packed. It was good to be a smurf of simple needs.

There was a knock at the door. "G-grouchy, are y-you in th-there?" Oh joy. It was Scaredy.

He opened the door. Oh no. Scaredy -and- Panicky. The two perpetually frightened smurfs stared at him holding the sleeping smurfling.

The grumpy smurf scowled impatiently. "Well?"

Scaredy trembled and Panicky looked about ready to run screaming away from the house.

Baby chose that moment to awaken with a gentle coo. The ornery smurf looked down at his charge and she grinned back up at him. Gently, he moved the child into an upright position and she spotted the two other smurfs. She burbled and smiled again. He dug through the side bag and pulled out her rattle, handing it to the child. She swung it wildly about before sticking it in her mouth to chew on it.

Grouchy looked at the anxious smurfs. "I hate being stared at." He growled.

That broke whatever internal musings they had. Panicky took a shuddering breath, "We wanted to smurf if the evacuation plan was the same as usual."

"Yes, it is." The sourpuss answered. Why would he change it? More importantly, why did two smurfs that fed each other's fears get allowed to hang out together? "Anything else?"

Scaredy shook. Or had he ever stopped? "W-what about smurfing a p-p-pack for the smurfs g-gone with P-p-papa?"

"Ugh. I hate more work. But that's a smurfy idea. Do you smurf who went?" The grump looked at the two frightened smurfs.

Panicky closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Papa, Brainy, Clumsy, Smurfette, Hefty, Handy, Vexy..."

"G-gutsy too." Scaredy added.

"Wait. I need my quill and ink." Grouchy beckoned them into his house and pulled the rarely used items out of his desk drawer. He cast about for something to write on and wound up using the margins of the daily paper. Between the three of them, they wrote down the dozen names.

He stoppered the ink and waited for the writing to dry. If they did have to evacuate, who would carry the extra things? He'd have to delegate that. He hated delegating.

He jumped when he felt baby jerk in his arms. She was falling asleep again. He cradled her in the crook of his arm and rocked her absentmindedly until he glanced down and saw her eyes close again. New babies sure slept a lot.

"Grouchy?" Oh no. He wasn't making some sappy face was he? He looked at the scared smurfs waited for Panicky to continue. "Um... Thanks for listening to us."

"I hate listening. But it's what a leader is supposed to smurf. And it was a smurfy idea to make packs for the rescue team." He tapped the list experimentally and it didn't smudge. "If you'll excuse me, I have some packs to smurf." He walked towards the door.

"A-all by yoursmurf?" Scaredy asked.

Panicky looked at his frightened companion. "We could help. We already smurfed our packs."

Grouchy turned to look at them for any sign of a prank. Satisfied, he finally nodded. "Ok, we'll smurf the list up into thirds, each of us can smurf a pack for four team members."

He tore the list, separating 4 names out and handing the scraps of paper to the two shaky smurfs. The grump forced himself to thank the two. They looked surprised, but waved as they parted ways.

The sourpuss smurf looked down at his list. Papa, Brainy, Handy, and Vexy.

The closest house was Papa's so he walked there first. Inside, the huge number of spellbooks, ingredients, and other trinkets overwhelmed him. How was he supposed to decide what to pack?

Smurfroot? Papa was always needing smurfroot. But it grew in the forest.

Clothes. He should start with clothes. He climbed the stairs to the bedroom loft and looked around. A standing closet was settled near the window, and he opened that. There, a hat and pants. He collected those and was about to close the door when he looked onto the shelf above. There was a large tome just peeking out from the shelf.

Curiously, he pulled it down, putting it on the bed. He opened it to the middle page randomly, and was greeted with a sketch of Vanity as a smurfling. It was Painter's work. On the opposite page was a short poem in Poet's handwriting. Below that was a small flat rock, with a label.

Clumsy spring of 599.

It was a scrapbook. Grouchy allowed himself to smile. Papa kept memories of all of the smurfs in this book. It was probably more valuable to him than any of the spellbooks downstairs.

He closed the book gently and piled the clothes on top, then scooped the little pile up with his free arm. Downstairs, he placed the items carefully on a table and looked around for a pack. He finally located an old rucksack and put the book and clothes into it. He hung the pack on a peg by the door and left. He'd have to come back for all four packs and put them into one spot after he was finished.

Who was next? He gave in to temptation and headed towards Vexy's. She lived in the south tower, on the third floor. Hackus lived on the second. He climbed the stairs and tried the door. It was latched from the inside.

He knocked, sure that a door couldn't be latched from within without there being an occupant.

Hackus's voice boomed, "Coming!" Baby startled awake and started to cry.

The child-like smurf opened the door, looking upset. "Hackus sorry! Don't cry baby!" Grouchy rocked her, shushing. The child calmed somewhat, but had started chewing on her fist. It was a sure sign she was getting hungry.

"I hate bothering you," The grumpy smurf started, huh that was almost polite. "But I need to smurf that you're making Vexy an emergency pack."

"Yup! Hackus pack!" He pointed to a huge mess surrounding a backpack.

"Smurfy. I need to smurf. Baby's getting hungry." He nodded to the former naughtie and headed back out. This time he almost trotted to the kitchens.

Inside, he saw Chef and Baker sweeping the floor and restocking a shelf with vegetable baskets. Fryer and Greedy were washing dishes.

"Hey. Do you smurf any milk? Baby's hungry." Grouchy called out.

"Of course!" Baker put down the basket and walked confidently to the icebox. From there he pulled a jar out and then a pot from one of the hooks above the stoves. He poured the milk directly into the pot and then opened a vent from the oven to let the heat warm the pot. "Just uno momento."

He wasn't sure if Baby smelled the milk or just chose that moment to fuss, but the whimpers started. He knew she'd likely be crying before the milk heated up. Holding the child one handed, he dug through the pack to pull out one of the bottles. He walked over and passed the bottle off to Baker, trusting the culinary smurf knew what he was doing.

Within a few moments the smurfling started to cry. The grumpy smurf rocked her, glancing over at Baker. He was pouring the milk into the bottle. The bread making smurf tested the temperature on the inside of his forearm before handing it to Grouchy.

Quieting the smurfling was as easy as putting the nipple of the bottle into her mouth. She suckled hungrily. The smurfs breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The sourpuss smurf watched Baby carefully, making sure she didn't choke. Next she would need burped and then probably another change. And then he had two more smurfs to make sure had an emergency pack. Not to mention taking care of whatever crisis the rest of the village could cook up.

It was going to be a long, long day.

**00000**

Tracker and Huntress went to the mess hall first. Lunch was still on the tables as it had been left. The smurfette stopped at the first table she came to and picked up a roll and cheese. Tracker walked off to the side of the hall and plucked a basket from the wall. That he filled up with rolls, apples, and smurfberries. He looked up to see the former feline approaching him with a serving plate of meat. The smug grin told him that it was likely a plate of quail that she'd caught. Before she could dump it into the basket, he picked up an unused cloth napkin. Putting the meat in that kept it together.

"So where are we going?" The smurfette asked. A few other smurfs started to enter the mess hall.

Tracker started walking, motioning for her to follow. "We still have to smurf in case of an evacuation."

The redhead shrugged. "I'm wearing everything I own."

"Then we'll smurf to my house and I'll smurf a backpack for you. I think I have a spare sleeping bag you can smurf too." The woodsmurf led the way.

She'd eaten the rolls and cheese, but wanted to fill her stomach. Regularly going hungry had made her food conscious. "So long as we can eat first. I don't like being hungry."

They walked the short path up to the mushroom house. Tracker wondered why she was so insistent about eating. He was sure she had lean times before, but she was acting half-starved.

He opened the door, walking in and leaving the smurfette to close it behind her. He sat the basket down on a small table near his window. The redhead almost pounced on it, plucking up the cloth with the meat and tearing a roll in half. She stuck some meat in the middle of the roll before squishing the whole thing flat.

Bending back over the table, she picked up another bit and ate it, her tail wagging in pleasure. The movement caught Tracker's eye and he found himself staring at her rear until she stood and turned his way.

"I don't know what they did to it, but it's so good!" The former feline beamed happily, holding a piece right up to his mouth. "Try some."

The woodsmurf opened his mouth and took the food. It was good, but it was how Chef usually prepared quail when they had it. The seasonings mixed well with the natural flavor of the meat.

She speedily finished off the small sandwich. "I was worried for a moment you'd try to pull something like Gargamel, but then I remembered that smurfs aren't like that." The female confessed as she picked up a smurfberry and looked at it as if it was going to bite her.

Tracker looked at her, concerned. "What do you mean, smurf something like Gargamel?"

"Eating in front of me when I was hungry." She took a small bite to taste the smurfberry.

Just how much did Azrael put up with? The smurf wondered. Instead, he shook his head. "No smurf would be so cruel. A smurf is more likely to smurf you some of their food and go without themselves. Or at least share." He added at the end, thinking of Greedy. Not even he would eat in front of a starving fellow smurf and not offer any. Huntress finished eating her first berry and picked up another. They tasted good to her now, at least.

Tracker picked up a roll and started eating. The conversation was less depressing, the redhead wanted to get a different style of top and they began talking about Tailor. This led to the former feline describing the traits she knew of smurfs and the woodsmurf naming them.

Plucking out the last smurfberry, the smurf tossed it to the female sitting on his bed. "So why did you never bother smurfing any of our names?"

She smiled. "When all you need to know is 'Azrael, after them!' you don't bother learning many names. I know Vexy and Hackus well because we spent three years together, Smurfette because she was created, and a few other ones that were more likely to pull my whiskers, like Gutsy." She rolled the smurfberry in her hands. "The rest were a blur of little blue mice."

The hunter smurf fought a wince as she took a big bite of the berry. She continued, "I'm pretty sure smurfs are poisonous, bright colored animals usually are."

"We do smurf sarsaparilla leaves." Tracker agreed. He walked to the door where he'd placed his backpack and picked it up. He hadn't used much of the provisions, the hunt with Hunter had only lasted half the time he'd estimated.

He glanced up at Huntress, she was watching him curiously. "I only have to smurf out a few things in this pack." He started explaining. "Then we'll smurf on a second one."

"What usually goes into a pack?" She asked, tilting her head as he pulled out a bag with some mud covered pants inside.

"It smurfs on your needs, wants, and skills. Most smurfs can smurf a night out in the forest with little trouble. Extended stays require a good smurf of preparation. I smurfed this one for hunting, so it has more tools, like my knife."

"That's one thing that's always puzzled me. Why don't smurfs carry a tool knife? There are so many times where it would have thwarted snares and nets." The smurfette patted the dagger belted to her side.

"Other than Gargamel, smurfs aren't actively hunted. But I smurf your point. They do come in handy." He pulled out his tool knife and looked at it. Perhaps he could make a small sheath for it.

"Humans have small knives that can fold into their handle." The former feline made motions with her hand.

"I've smurfed Johan using his. But I wonder if it's the weapons or if there's some smurf that makes humans smurf violent." He mused. There was a sort of taboo on weapons. After all, King had made his guards weapons and the whole village had devolved into fighting.

Huntress shrugged. "I never understood Gargamel, much less other humans."

Tracker chuckled, standing to dig into the standing closet. There he had a small store of travel food, mostly dried fruits and smurfberries. There were also a few of Handy's rather tasteless meal bars. While they had no flavor, they were compact meals that were good emergency food. Most of the more woodsy smurfs had a few stashed about.

He hadn't eaten the ones in his pack, but these would go into a second pack for Azzy. He pulled out a spare pair of pants and a hat from a chest of drawers and headed back. He packed that, then pulled another empty sack from a hook. They were useful not only to hold dirty laundry but to carry all sorts of things. He pulled the draw strings and buckled the top flap, satisfied that he was ready.

He grabbed a spare backpack from his wall, then added the meal bars. The woodsmurf explained things as he added them, the small tent, the sleeping bag, a rope, and an extra blanket. It wasn't much, but like himself the smurfette didn't need much. Closing up that pack, he sat it next to his by the door.

She grabbed him from behind, running a cheek along his shoulders in a decidedly cat-like gesture. "I think I'd like a repeat of our pre-nap entertainment."

"Azzy, I-ha!" Tracker sucked in a surprised yelp as the smurfette's hand groped him. Somehow he managed to gather his composure. "Where are we smurfing with this?"

"To the bed of course." The former feline purred as she pulled down his pants and knelt.

The woodsmurf turned then, grabbing at his pants. "No I smurf where are -we- going? Is this a relationship?"

The annoyance was plain on her face. "How should I know?" She shot back.

"Then we should smurf about it." He started.

"I don't want," She yanked at his pants, surprising him. "to talk about it." The white cloth dropped to the floor. She looked up at him. "I don't want to think about it. Everything gets confused and jumbled in my head." She leaned in and licked his shaft.

Tracker tried to talk around the explosions of pleasure. "I-it may... ah help you, ooh to..." He moaned, losing his train of thought.

Huntress grinned. She stood, taking him by the hand and gently tugged him toward the bed. He stepped out of his pants this time, bare feet padding across the floor. The smurfette jumped when her lover hooked his thumbs into her waistband and slid her pants down around her tail. Her top followed soon after.

The woodsmurf turned her around so she faced him. "If we're going to smurf this, I want a kiss." He cupped her cheek in his hand and pulled her closer.

The kiss was gentle, but the former feline assumed he meant the way humans kissed. They used their tongues too, didn't they? She parted her lips and probed the smurf's mouth with her tongue. He jumped, lips parting in surprise, and she deepened the kiss.

The hunter's tongue intertwined with her own, probing gently. The new sensations excited them, but they soon had to break apart for air.

"Thank you." Tracker murmured breathlessly. He didn't protest when she pulled away from him to crawl onto the bed. Following, he thrust into her without warning.

"Nyaahh!" Huntress's mewling moan only spurred him on. He thrust rapidly, pulling her back against him by her hips. He pulled out completely by accident and spent a few moments lining his smurf back up before starting at a slightly more controlled pace. The former feline whimpered at the loss, then moaned as he filled her again.

His lover's moans were getting more frequent, but those moans were also pushing him closer. He switched back to his rapid pace pumping into her until she cried out. The clenching of her inner walls was his undoing, his orgasm ripping through him. Another few thrusts and he was spent, pulling out of her and falling onto his side on his bed.

The redhead crawled to him and for a moment he thought she was going to kiss him. Instead, she rubbed her cheek down his, then cuddled up to him. Her breathing quickly evened out as she fell asleep.

Tracker sighed. He'd not made much progress. But now he knew a few of her issues. His mind drifted and he found himself nodding off too.

They slept until the dinner bell woke them.

**00000**

The smurfs were relieved when Smurfette and Vexy came riding up to the edge of the village on Bayard. The news rippled through the crowd as Farmer rushed to his fields to retrieve the wagons. He called to Snappy and Slouchy, telling them to bring more help.

Snappy, Slouchy, Tuffy, Potter, Hackus, and Cobbler were soon at Farmer's and pulling wagons to where the horse stood patiently. They lifted them with ropes, securing them onto the saddle. Bayard twitched as the little blue people fairly swarmed over him. Smurfette thanked him for being so patient.

The team that helped pull the wagons settled themselves onto the saddle once the wagons were secure. The group said their assurances that they would return as soon as possible and off they went.

"G-g-gargamel's dead?!" Scardy cried.

"This smurfs for a celebration!" Party Planner shouted and the smurfs around him cheered. "Come Social! We must plan!" The two smurfs headed for Party's house.

The longer the rescue party was away, the more the jovial mood was tempered with worry. Had something gone wrong? Smurfette had said that Azrael was nowhere to be found during the fight or afterward. Had the cat come back to terrorize the group? Only four smurfs in the village knew where Azrael was and they were currently preoccupied.

**00000**

It was dinnertime and smurfs filed in from their chores, houses, and other activities. Some of the smurfs had even brought their packs to lean against the wall of the mess hall, just in case.

Vanity and Mirror entered and made their way to the vegetarian table. It was marked by a single white daisy. There were few smurfs who didn't eat meat, in fact they could be counted on a single smurf hand. Vanity, Mirror, Scaredy, and Natural. Others tended to eat meat in varying degrees, the outdoor smurfs like Herder, Wolly, and Tracker being the most carnivorous of the smurfs. Hunter tended to be an exception to that rule. On the rare occasions when he caught something, he wouldn't eat it himself.

Today Scaredy, Painter, and Poet were already sitting at the Vegetarian table as the other two sat down.

Painter grinned slyly at the two as they sat down, "Bonsoir, inséparables."

Painter had been one of the first smurfs to know, but still Mirror blushed. Vanity seemed unaffected, giving himself one more look in the mirror before putting it down to eat.

Scaredy trembled, taking small, careful bites of food. He was so worried. He'd heard Fisher and Aviator talking about Azrael hunting the woods after her master's death, or speculating that she'd attacked the rescue group. Why weren't they back yet? Finally his fearful nature got the better of him and he stopped eating, giving a quiet groan.

"Scaredy, darling, you should really stop smurfing that face. You're going to smurf lines." Vanity said, giving him a concerned look.

"I-it's just t-that I overheard sm-smurfs smurfing about Azrael. S-she's s-still out th-there." The frightened smurf stuttered.

"There's no need to smurf about that." Vanity dismissed.

"And why isn't there? Azrael's dangerous." Poet countered.

Vanity picked up his mirror to gaze at himself. This little trick was something he did often when trying to figure out what to say. He couldn't give Huntress's identity away, but perhaps... "I smurfed from Papa himself that Azrael the cat is no more." He smiled at his reflection. There. That was the truth if only technically and the way the others would take it would be...

"My smurfness. Gargamel and Azrael are smurfed? Who'd have smurfed!" Poet exclaimed. The vain smurf grinned. Exactly the way he wanted them to take that tidbit of information.

"Oui, it is a good thing. We will no longer smurf danger from those two." Painter agreed. He looked at his flower wearing friend.

"It is a relief." Scaredy sighed. "One less creature that c-could smurf us." He did look a little less fearful. At least, as calm as he could get. "I s-should smurf Panicky!" He grabbed his plate and was off, heading to another table.

"I think I'll smurf a poem about this. I'll call it 'Ode to an Enemy'." Muses taking hold of the bard, he was up and off to put quill to parchment.

Painter leaned toward the pair across from him. "Now that they are gone, mon ami, what did you really smurf?"

Mirror sighed and squeezed his partner's leg. Now was not the time to start gossiping.

Vanity should have known that Painter would read between the lines. He knew 'Vanity speak' just as well as his smurffriend did. He put the mirror down to look at his temperamental friend. On the one hand he couldn't break Papa's trust, but on the other the artistic smurf was his best friend.

"Painter," He started. "I've been smurfed to secrecy, or you know I would smurf you."

The artistic smurf made an annoyed growl. "So it ez for our safety that this ez smurfed?" He ground out, accent thicker.

"Yes." Especially for a certain smurfette in particular. The vain smurf added mentally.

"Very well." Painter conceded. "We will smurf to Papa Smurf when 'e returns."

"Thank you, my friend." Vanity demurred.

Painter waved a hand, then looked at him with a gleam in his eye. "It is no trouble. But if you smurf, you two could pose for me. To show the passion! It would be très magnifique!"

Vanity blushed. For whatever reason Painter wished to capture two smurfs sharing an intimate moment. It coincided with the coming of every spring, making it likely that the artist's ardor was tied to his work. Spring Fever made smurfs do strange things.

Mirror finally spoke up for the both of them. "R-really Painter, private matters should smurf private. I wouldn't be comfortable smurfing something like that with an audience." The multitude of mirrors in the bedroom was audience enough.

The french smurf tapped his chin. "This is true. It would not smurf if you were embarrassed." He sighed dramatically. "I will forever be denied my dream."

"Perhaps one day you'll smurf a couple more adventurous than us, darling." The vain smurf encouraged as picked up his mirror, angling it so that he could see the hundredth smurf as well. "I don't begrudge you for trying to smurf us to be your models. Why, we're the smurfiest couple there is!"

Mirror chuckled.

**00000**

The mood after dinner was tense, most smurfs going off to finish up interrupted chores or to gossip about what may be happening at Gargamel's. Soon, they headed to their beds to sleep.

All except for Tracker and Huntress. The smurfette wanted to hunt and the woodsmurf was trying to explain that smurfs didn't hunt at night.

"There are far too many predators smurfing at night, not to smurfen it's much too dark." They were on the bridge that led back into the forest.

"Dark? I can see just fine. I kept my eyesight. And there are always predators for mice sized creatures. Hawks during the day and owls at night." The redhead scoffed.

"You're going to get yourself smurfed!" Tracker all but shouted. "The wolves smurf the forest at night. That's why Hunter and I smurf during the day."

The two smurfs glared at each other.

If the former feline had a longer tail it would be lashing to and fro, currently her tail was twitching. "I know these woods. And I know them at night. You can't tell me anything that would surprise me. And above all that," Huntress snarled, "I know how to hunt."

The woodsmurf balled his fists. "I know you know how to hunt." He ground out in human english. "Ugh!" He growled and tried to get control of his temper by gripping the rail of the bridge. A few deep breaths and he started again. "I'm just worried, Azzy."

The redhead glared at the dark water, but she was no longer flexing her hands as if they were claws. "Then come with me." She finally murmured.

Tracker's mind supplied him with a hundred ways they could meet their end in the dark of the forest. The stubborn ex-cat was going regardless of his arguments.

"What, are you scared?" The former feline goaded his pride.

"There's a smurference between scared and cautious, Azzy." He sighed. The jab stung.

The smurfette scowled and turned, heading off the bridge and into the forest. "Fine." She growled.

He'd almost lost sight of her when he finally gave in. "Wait!" He trotted to catch up to her.

She waited.

Tracker looked up at the dark canopy. "I still smurf this is a very unsmurfy idea."

"You just need a weapon." Huntress said, looking around and picking up a few sticks. She discarded some before she found a straight, strong one. Using her dagger she sharpened one end to a dangerous point.

The woodsmurf stared at the spear as she handed it to him. It felt almost like a perversion of his normal walking stick. He made the decision to discard the thing at the end of their hunt.

But for now he felt he needed it more than the taboo kept him from wanting it.

They headed into the forest, the trails were alive to their noses -moreso the male's than the female's. At the former feline's lead, they started following the trail of a rabbit. It was ambitious. Rabbits were usually at least ten times larger than a smurf.

It was a winding trail that led to a meadow, where some of the rabbit warrens were. The lack of trees made Tracker nervous, owls could mistake them for mice and end them. Huntress didn't seem to mind, her eyes gleamed as they darted from here to there. She started out, following the trail a short ways before the criss-crossing of different rabbit scents confused her nose.

The woodsmurf followed, his sharper sense of smell keeping on the trail of the one they'd selected. They neared a hole, passing by a rock.

The scrape of claws on stone was the only warning they had before they were attacked.

Out of reflex Huntress threw herself to the ground, it saved her life as the jaws of the stoat snapped shut where her neck would have been just moments prior. The smurfette rolled onto her back, gripping her dagger and unsheathing it for defense.

The stoat reared up, sharp teeth gleaming in the starlight. Tracker rammed his spear into the weasel's side. The animal whirled and squeaked a cry of pain. It's jaws flew to the source of pain and it bit down and broke the spear just a hair's breath from the woodsmurf's hand. He threw himself backwards and landed hard on his tail, but he was away from those deadly teeth.

Suddenly the former feline was in front of him, challenging the predator with a yowling growl. She took a swipe at the stoat as it churred at her, running a gash across it's nose.

Finally, the animal had had enough of prey that fought back and fled. The redhead stood tense and stayed that way long enough for the other smurf to get to his feet.

Huntress seemed to deflate. "You were right."

"It doesn't matter now. We have to smurf that weasel and either heal it or smurf it out of it's misery." The woodsmurf said sadly.

The former feline looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you insane?!"

"We can't let it suffer. That spear smurfed in deep enough to smurf a lung." Tracker pointed out. "If we leave it, that stoat will smurf a very unsmurfy death and it will be on our smurfs."

"It's not our fault. That weasel attacked us, not the other way around." The redhead countered.

"I'm sorry, Azzy. I have to smurf the smurfy thing." He started following the scent of blood.

"Just what are you going to do without a weapon?" The smurfette growled.

Tracker didn't answer. If he were to answer truthfully, he really didn't know himself. He heard the former feline following him. Finally he answered. "I would have had to smurf up something on the fly."

Huntress snorted. "I'll make you another spear."

The trail led them across the meadow and back into the forest. They stopped, searching for a good stick and the female made a new spear. The trail wound in a slow circle and the drops of blood were frequent.

The woodsmurf put out his arm, stopping his companion. "You've got the smurfvision, is that..." He murmured as he pointed with the spear to a dark shape in the leaves.

To the ex-cat, her feline vision showed her the shape of the stoat, contrasted well from the leaves around it. If there was more light, she would see more color thanks to her transformation, but the colors were currently muted. She could tell it was panting. "That's it, it's still alive." She whispered back.

They crept closer. It was clear to Tracker that the weasel wouldn't make a recovery unless it was intensively cared for. Better to end it's suffering then. He looked at the smurfette next to him, shaking his head. She responded with a very human gesture of pulling her thumb slowly across her throat. He nodded.

Slowly they approached, well aware that the injured animal could attack them with deadly consequences. The former feline gestured for him to trade weapons. Spear in hand, the redhead crouched just behind the stoat's tail.

She jumped bringing the spear down as she fell, piercing the animal just where the skull and neck met. There was a snap and the weasel jerked, throwing Huntress off to it's left side. The woodsmurf was quick to dart over that way, but the writhing was only the twitching of death throes.

The former feline looked at the animal, about five times bigger than her, with pride. What was that clever little human saying? Ah yes. Boom. Headshot.

Humans of the other world had such a beautiful way with words.

Tracker approached the animal cautiously. Already the color of the eyes was clouding as the spirit of the beast left it. He closed the stoat's eyes with his hand. "Smurf in peace, fellow hunter. You smurfed well." It was a gesture of respect and a prayer of sorts that both he and Hunter used. After a moment of silence, the woodsmurf tried to decide the best place to start skinning. The meat of a mouse-fed weasel was often stringy and the musk made it unpalatable for most smurfs. But the fur would serve them well come winter.

The fur was already punctured at the neck and ribs, he started at the neck and used the dagger to cut the pelt from there. He had to have help rolling it over so he could open the pelt at the midline of the stoat. He avoided the musk glands altogether by cutting around that and the tail. Then came the process of cutting away the feet and the laborious task of pulling and freeing the pelt from the spider-web like connective tissue that held it on top of the muscles.

By the time the skin was free, both smurfs were breathing heavy from the exertion. The hunter wished for his packet of salt as he rolled up the skin. They'd have to get this to Cobbler or Wooly quickly so one of the two could properly cure the skin into a fur.

"We'll smurf this for another predator to smurf. The smurfs at the village won't smurf weasel." Tracker said as he finished rolling up the fur. He tied it with a few blades of grass.

"Herbivores are better eating." Huntress agreed.

"I'll help smurf things along." While the woodsmurf couldn't talk to animals, he knew their habits and could mimic some of their sounds. He cupped a hand to his mouth and a good mimic of an injured rabbit echoed through the trees. He paused for a minute, then cried again.

After his third call, he offered the smurfette back her dagger. "Let's smurf out of here. We don't want to be smurfing around when whatever heard that cry smurfs looking." He picked up the spear from the ground and they were off, heading back towards the village.

They didn't see the fox cautiously trot up moments later, smelling the blood trail on the ground and finding the free food.

**00000**

They arrived at the village shortly after the rescue party returned. It was busy, smurfs moving here and there moving bedding, returning wagons, or standing and talking excitedly.

"Tracker! Have you smurfed?" Dabbler asked as the pair approached him. "Gargamel and Azrael are smurfed! The rescue team smurfed the battle that smurfed that nasty wizard."

"We smurfed about Gargamel at dinner. But what's this about Azrael being smurfed too?" The woodsmurf asked.

Dabbler started ticking off fingers. "I smurfed it from Baker who smurfed it from Minor who was smurfing with Panicky at dinner and oversmurfed Scaredy smurfing that Vanity smurfed that he'd been smurfed by Papa Smurf that Azrael was dead."

That was the way of village gossip. Tell one smurf and the rest of them knew by the next day. Tracker glanced at his companion. Huntress looked a bit confused.

"Well... Smurfy good then." The woodsmurf finally commented. "Have you smurfed Cobbler or Wooly?" He held up the rolled up skin to show his reason.

"Not since dinner." The doctor shook his head.

"Cheerio then." The hunter waved and set off to search the crowd. He found Wooly quickly enough, the wool felt smurf hat with a brim stood out amongst all the other smurf hats.

"Wooly!" Tracker called to his fellow outdoorsmurf.

The cowboy smurf turned and looked at his brother, spotting the skin. "Woo doggies! What'cha smurfed there, partner?"

"Stoat skin." The bloodhound smurf replied, handing the roll over.

The wool gatherer took the pelt, eyes widening when he felt the moisture of the flesh side. "Criminently, Tracker! This skin's fresh. Are ya outta yer smurf, huntin at night?" He admonished.

"I'm well smurfed of the dangers, chap." The woodsmurf glanced at Huntress, who was still quiet. "Our new friend needed smurfvincing."

"Now ain't that a smurfer? Little lady, yer sure one tough hombre." Wooly laughed. "Nuttier 'n squirrel scat, but tough!"

The redhead was tired of the pleasantries, tired of the thoughts that swirled in her mind, and just plain tired. "I'm going to get cleaned up and go to bed. Goodnight." The smurfette turned and headed off towards the apartment she'd claimed.

Tracker had to resist the urge to follow her. Perhaps she just needed a little time to herself to sort things out. He hoped.

The cowsmurf chuckled. "Hoo boy, you've smurfed it bad." The woodsmurf realized he was staring at the departing smurfette and looked back at his brother, blushing. "It's even worse than I smurfed!" Wooly laughed.

"You have no idea." The hunter murmured cryptically. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "I smurf it best if I head home and take a kip. Ta-ta." He walked away, leaving the wool gatherer to wonder just what he'd meant by that.


	7. Ch 07: Aftermath

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-Just a note- Usually I try to keep one chapter ahead for a sort of safety net in case things go crazy. Well, they have. I'm not completely done with chapter 8, but I wanted to post chapter 7 before Christmas. I may put myself on a bi-weekly update schedule after the new year instead of a weekly one, it's a bit less stressful that way. Though seeing as how this effects like 5 total readers, I'm sure ya'll can be patient. XD**

Chapter 07: Aftermath

The village was slow to awaken. Some smurfs, particularly those that had formed the rescue team, overslept and missed breakfast. Papa certainly didn't blame them. The elder was up with the sun, trying to find a reversal to the transformed smurfs. That started with research and tomes littered the desk around him.

The book he'd received from Paladore on transformations was the most leafed through and every passage on permanent transformations said the same thing. It took massive amounts of energy to change something permanently from small to large.

When hit by Gargamel's wand the transformation into smurf didn't take much energy because it was temporary and trapped any excess bulk into a pocket dimension. From what he could gather, stacking the True Blue spell onto that converted the bulk into innate magical power. The elder didn't know this, but it was why the similarly sized forest animals gave so little essence. To add natural magical ability from before the transformation meant that enchanted creatures like Smurfette, Azrael, and the dryad gave as much essence as a true born smurf. The amount of innate magical ability also helped whatever transformed smurf recover from the smurfalator.

That meant that the easiest smurfs to attempt to transform permanently back would be those closest in size to their current form. The birds, the rats, and the squirrels. Unfortunately, he'd have to create a spell from scratch to transform them. Papa tapped his chin. Actually, there may be something close in the curses.

He stood and removed a panel from the floor, then pulled a key from a pocket of his hat and opened the locked chest hidden there. Several black tomes with eerie auras lay within the chest, their presence almost malevolent -as if they were angry at being locked away.

He looked at the titles, selecting one and ignoring the unpleasant tingle that it gave him when he touched it. This one he would read carefully, then replace right away.

Mother Nature help him if Brainy ever stumbled upon that chest.

**00000**

Smurfette stepped out of her house and closed the door. She'd barely slept what little time was left of the night and was a bit groggy. She headed down the walkway from her house to the street and caught movement from the corner of her eye. Turning to look, she saw a brown haired smurfette sitting next to her rose bushes.

She stopped, looking at what the female was doing. The former dryad was touching the flowers gently. The transformed smurf murmured something, and pulled a rose. With a sigh she stood up, brushing off her pants.

The blond approached cautiously. "Um, hi. Are you ok?"

"I can't hear them anymore." The dryad said instead of greeting her back. She held up the flower in her hands. "Roses were always so expressive. This would be screaming right now. It probably is. I just cain't hear it." She took a few breaths and Smurfette wasn't sure what the other female was going to do. The brown haired one only gripped the stem of the rose tightly. "I can't hear the grass, or the trees, or tell how the soil could better feed them. It's like I've gone deaf!"

The dryad seemed to realize she was hurting herself and opened her hand. Small puncture wounds from the rose's thorns welled with small beads of red blood. "Well that was stupid of me."

Smurfette couldn't fathom how it would be to suddenly lose a whole language. What would that be like? Probably terribly frustrating. "Papa's trying to smurf on getting everyone back to their true forms, you'll be able to smurf to the plants again soon." She tried to reassure.

The brown haired smurfette stared at her injured hand. "Would true form be the one I was in before I was changed or the one I was born into? 'Cause I was born human. And they can't speak to the plants either."

"I... I'm not really sure. But I'm sure as smurfness Papa can smurf things right." The blond answered. She stepped forward, taking hold of the injured hand gently. "Come on. Let's smurf those scratches."

"Maybe..." She trailed off, looking at her hand. She lifted her other hand to the injured one and Smurfette pulled her hands back quickly. The air between her hands wavered with magical energy, like looking through the air across hot rocks in the summer. The blood remained, but when the transformed smurf wiped it off, there were no open sores left.

"Well," The former dryad said in relief. "at least that's one thing I can still do." Smurfette looked at her hand in surprise.

The breakfast bell rang in the distance.

"Oh, that reminds me. Where do we go to eat?" She asked the blond.

"Smurf with me. I'll show you." Smurfette started leading the way. She waited until the other female had fallen into step beside her. "I'm Smurfette by the way. What's your name?"

The brunette thought about it. She'd asked during the trip back about Clumsy's name and he'd told her that smurfs are named for their personality or what they were good at. She could still heal. Healer? It sounded too clunky to her. She was no professional, so Doctor was out. What other medical name could... Medic! It was perfect.

"I like the name Medic. Has a certain ring to it." The healer finally answered.

The female cut her eyes at the transformed smurf. "But what did you smurf by before that?"

"Eh, doesn't matter, I figure when in Rome, right?" Medic smiled until she realized the allegory was lost on the little blue woman. "Uh. That means that when you're in a new place, it's good to adapt to the culture there."

Smurfette nodded her head in understanding. "Well, so long as the culture is smurfy." She giggled at her own joke. The former dryad was still wondering how she could tell that meant both 'good' and 'Smurfy' as in the people. It was almost like some sort of magic.

As they neared the mess hall, a smurf with a white feather tucked low on the left side of his hat approached them, carrying an infant smurf. "Smurfette, after you've eaten, could you smurf someone who would be good at smurfsitting Baby?"

The blond missed the look of longing on her female companion's face. She raised a brow at the bardic smurf. "And just how long have you been smurfsitting her, Poet?"

The smurf didn't seem phased by the question. "Since the rescue party smurfed back last night. She smurfed well, but woke up with the sun. I smurfed her didey just before I smurfed here."

The potential ire of the blond was abated and she smiled. "Well, I can smurf of a few. I'll ask around." If nothing else, she could watch the little one for a while. Even as tired as she was she was sure she could do it.

She remembered the transformed smurf beside her with Poet smiled at the brown haired smurfette. "Oh, Medic. This is Poet."

"Pleased to meet you, Medic." The bard made a slight bow. "I must smurf my leave, ladies. My muses wait for no smurf."

"Um, nice meetin' ya too." The former dryad nodded her head. Smurfette accepted the smurfling from the poetic smurf and he smiled at her again and plucked the feather from his hat, running the soft end of the quill under his chin as he walked away.

"Medic, I have to smurf somesmurf to watch Baby, go ahead and smurf some breakfast." Smurfette explained and headed into the building. It was a long building disguised as a fallen log, with awnings over the windows that were made to look like sulphur shelf mushrooms. The wall in the hollow part was recessed and painted a dark brown to fool casual observers should humans stumble upon the village. If it wasn't for the bridges or the activity of the little blue people, the architecture of the village would look like an open glenn of abnormally large mushrooms, some various rocks, and a few fallen trees.

Unsure what to expect, the transformed smurfette walked through the double doors. Inside there were a dozen tables laden with food and smurfs sitting at them, talking, eating, laughing, and socializing. At most of the tables there were at least five smurfs sitting, except for a table in the front that only had one occupant. The brown haired smurfette felt her demophobia making her hyper aware. Too many. Too many. Too many.

She took a deep breath and headed for the table with only one smurf. Much less intimidating. The lone smurf had on a white square cloth tied around his neck, reminding the transformed female of a lobster bib. He was also chubby and currently eating pancakes at a pace that was almost at eating competition level.

Medic tried to tamp down her nerves as she approached. She was getting closer to the crowd and it was unnerving. She chose to stand behind a chair a few seats down from the smurf. "Um. Hey. Mind if I sit here?"

The expected rejection didn't come. The bibbed smurf glanced up at her and then did a doubletake. It took him a moment to be able to talk. "I don't mind at all."

"Thanks." She sat down. Suddenly the smurf was offering her a plate loaded with pancakes, she jumped in surprise. How did he get up so fast?

"You should really try the pancakes, they're extra smurfy this morning." The plump smurf blushed. "What's your name? I'm Greedy."

She speared three pancakes from the top of the stack and lowered them onto her plate. "Um, thanks. I'm Medic."

"Syrup, Medic?" Greedy offered the small syrup pitcher. The smurfette thanked him again and poured a bit of the sweet liquid onto her pancakes.

She glanced at the bibbed smurf, he had sat back down, but was watching her. She cut into the stack and tried a bite. It was similar but different than well made blueberry pancakes. "This is good. Better than IHOP's."

"You hopped?" The smurf asked, confused.

Oh, yes, the reference thing again. "A famous restaurant where I'm from. Their specialty is pancakes." She explained.

Greedy grinned. "That's because Baker and I smurfed them with fresh smurfberries just this morning."

"You an' Baker make a pretty good pancake. Ya work in the kitchen then?"

He nodded. "It's Chef, Baker, Fryer, myself, and whoever happens to have kitchen duty that day." The smurf took a bite of a muffin that halved it.

"How many do ya'll cook for?" She asked curiously between bites.

"A hundred and twenty one is how many we smurfed for today. That includes the new smurfs smurfed in yesterday's rescue." He popped the rest of the muffin into his mouth.

"So what are smurfberries?" Medic picked one out of the pancake and held it up. She popped it into her mouth after deciding she couldn't decide what it looked like in it's cooked form.

"Dreamy smurfed Smurfberries on one of his first adventures sailing. He smurfed back the seeds and we've smurfed them as a crop ever since. They're a little bush that can smurf about twice as tall as a smurf and they smurf berries that change color from red in the summer to blue in the fall." The ever hungry smurf added a few slices of toast to his place and grabbed a jar of smurfberry jam.

She'd never heard of a berry that changed color after it was ripe and figured it may be something unique to this world. She picked up a cup and poured the red liquid from the pitcher. After a taste, she was sure it was the juice of the smurfberry.

Greedy had polished off about four slices of toast before he spoke again. "So you're one of the transmurfed smurfs right?"

"Yup." She confirmed. "I'm sure you've got questions. Ask away." In the meantime, she took another bite of her slowly vanishing pancakes.

"You can smurf, so were you a human?" The bibbed smurf asked, picking up an apple that was almost as big as his head.

"Before I was changed into this," Medic waved a hand at herself. "I was close enough to a dryad that I might as well have been one. But I was born human."

The conversation drifted into silence until the smurfette had finished her pancakes. The gourmet smurf noticed and held out the last muffin on the table. "You should give these a smurf too." He offered with a grin.

"I couldn't. I'm stuffed. It's gonna be weird eating so often again." She saw his look of confusion and had to explain. "As a dryad I only ate maybe a meal every two days. The rest of the time I fed off the sun. My head grew vines instead of hair and about half of those ended in large leaves. So I'd just pick a sunny spot and bush out to eat. Worked pretty well until winter. But then I had a greenhouse to go to so it wasn't so bad."

"A green house? What's the color got to smurf with it?" Greedy asked, prompting the smurfette to explain the concept. He leaned back a bit. "Farmer would love that idea. Smurfing food in the middle of winter, who'd have smurfed."

The two continued their friendly (and occasionally one sided with the gourmet stuffing his face) conversation until most of the other smurfs had trickled out. The table was empty of food and the bibbed smurf was drinking the last of the juice. Medic seriously wondered where the heck he was putting it all. His stomach pudged out a bit, but with that amount of food it should be distended if not ruptured.

Oblivious, the smurf leaned back and stretched. "Nothing like a smurfy breakfast to start your day." He looked around at the almost empty hall. "What do you plan on smurfing today, Medic?"

"I ain't sure." She thought about it. "I guess I could go see who needs help and pitch in, or maybe find out if ya'll have a healer and see what I can do there."

Greedy leaned toward her excitedly. "Well, if you're looking for smurfs to smurf, we could always use an extra smurf cleaning up here. Then I can smurf you to Dabbler's. He's our doctor."

"Alrighty, sounds like a plan." The smurfette smiled. She stood along with the ample smurf and started clearing the dirty dishes.

**00000**

Tracker awoke to a knock on the door. From the angle of the sun on the floor it was just past breakfast. How had he slept in so badly? The previous night came back to him in a rush of memory. Ah yes. Azzy and her hunting trip.

The knock at the door came again. "Just a smurf!" He called out, hopping off the bed and heading to the standing closet to change out of his nightshirt. Within a few minutes he was opening the door.

For just a second he thought it was Vanity, then Hundred spoke. "Sorry to wake you, my friend, but I was having trouble with a new scent this morning and wondered if you wouldn't mind lending me your amazing sense of smell." The woodsmurf had and odd working relationship with Mirror.

After the reflection come to life became a real smurf, he started showing an interest in some of the things Vanity enjoyed, but instead of lotions, oils, and creams that the vain smurf made, Hundred had a passion for perfumes. Smurfette and Vanity were really the only ones besides the perfumist himself who wore the stuff every day, but he enjoyed experimenting with various scents and blends.

"I've got nothing smurfed at the moment. Lead the way, chap." Due to his sense of smell, Tracker was often called in as a consultant of sorts. After a few mishaps they now knew to steer clear of the strongest smelling concoctions for the sake of the hunter's sensitive nose.

"Thank you so much! I've been smurfing trouble with the subtleties of my newest creation. I want to smurf sandalwood with just a hint of spice, but the spice keeps oversmurfing the sandalwood. It's so vexing." Mirror was about as focused on perfumes as Alchemist was on potions, though getting any smurf started on their favorite subject tended to cause them to start jabbering excitedly.

"Sandalwood is a subtle scent." Tracker agreed. It was one reason he liked the smell. It wasn't so totally overpowering like stronger scents. Cinnamon quite nearly burned his poor nose.

Mirror's house was a newer mushroom style house near the west tower. The perfumist had added an outdoor awning to the side with a table for testing scents outdoors. More often than not, when the woodsmurf assisted they'd use the outside table. Walking into the reflection's house bombarded the senses with various smells. His workroom was the strongest, as there perfumes had been created, tested, tweaked, retested, rejected, spilled, or accepted. The outdoor smurf was glad he could see a few bottles and some papers held down by a decorative paperweight on the little table.

Testing was a slow process of putting a bit of the cologne onto a small slip of paper, then walking closer to see how the scent carried. The bloodhound smurf was able to distinguish the different ingredients in each bottle which let him recommend which amounts to use. The spice was a peppercorn, which did overpower the sandalwood. It also made the woodsmurf sneeze as his nose adjusted to the smell.

"Still smurfing a bit strong." Tracker tried to resist the urge to sneeze again. The perfumist mixed another batch, adjusting the amount of peppercorn used.

It took about four more adjustments before the woodsmurf could stand to get close to the paper. "I smurf it's almost there." He told Mirror.

"Just a smurf less I think, then it will be perfectly smurfy." The reflection smurf agreed. He went back to mixing.

The fifth time was the charm, the sandalwood was there with a spicy aftereffect. It reminded the hunter of Marco, if only because the sailor dealt in spices.

The hundredth smurf beamed triumphantly. "Perfectly smurfy!" He had the urge to offer Tracker a bottle, but knew the outdoor smurf would politely turn it down. The woodsmurf was a hunter and foreign smells would only alert game to his presence. "If there's anything I can smurf for you, just ask."

"Nothing that I can smurf of, Hundred. But thank you all the same." The bloodhound suddenly hoped that the lunch bell would ring soon. He was getting hungry. He smelled Vanity, the smurf wore a signature scent by his smurffriend that was unmistakable. He turned to see the dapper smurf heading up from the street. Surprisingly, he was holding Baby.

So that's where he was, Tracker thought as the smurflingsitter approached. He waved in greeting. Usually the two look alike smurfs were inseparable. He knew they were more intimate than Smurfette and Hefty, though he never smelled that they'd done anything more than kiss. That was old news in the village though. After a few confused (and awkward) conversations for Papa, most of the smurfs accepted that it was just something that could happen. An oddity to be sure, but what smurf wasn't a little odd in some way?

"Just smurf at this little darling!" Vanity exclaimed. The woodsmurf could smell that she'd been bathed in the smurf's favored soap and then there was the smell of lotion. "She smurfed so much during her bath she soaked the rug -and myself. But after I smurfed my gentlest lotion on her she started to practically glow."

The other two smurfs glanced at each other. That was perhaps the most Vanity had ever said without reflecting it back on himself.

"And we both found a smurfy pastime in one of my biggest mirrors. Why, it was the most adorable vision of smurfiness. She's almost as smurfy as me!" The vain smurf gushed. Ah, there it was.

Mirror was amused at his smurffriend's antics. "Vanity, why are you smurfing something from last fall?" It wasn't like the smurf to wear last season's fashions.

"Smurfette warned me that smurflingsitting was a messy job. But I had no smurf just how messy. I've had to smurf clothes five times since breakfast! But I must say I still look smurfy in last fall's pants." He preened as the smurfling kicked in his arms.

Tracker chuckled. "Well chaps, I'm famished. I think I'll smurf to the mess hall early. Ta-ta." He waved and started off, leaving the reflection smurf showing off his latest creation to the fashion-loving smurf.

**00000**

Papa knocked on the door of the room the animals turned smurfs used. A number of animal noises erupted and it was several minutes before a weary looking Natural answered the door. He had spent the better part of the morning cleaning, clothing, and feeding the ten transformed smurfs. Not to mention cleaning up after them.

"Oh, hello Papa." The naturalist greeted without energy. The smurf turned and hissed at a male smurf wearing a pair of smurf pants. Papa didn't understand what the hissing meant, but the former snake moved with an unnerving grace towards the leader.

He stopped before the elder's apprehension made him back up. "Sssstay." The smurf said.

Papa looked to Natural for an explanation. The nature lover sighed. "Slither wants to stay as a smurf. He says he likes smurfing limbs and it's safe here."

The older smurf was surprised. "Well. If he smurfs to stay a smurf, we can smurf Brainy here to help him learn our language." He looked at Slither. "You've certainly smurfed on quickly to speaking, my little smurf."

The former snake hissed something in a smug tone. Nat translated. "He smurfs that all snakes are survivalists and adapting is how they smurf alive."

"Well. I do have some smurfy news. By smurfing a few spells, I've smurfed out a way we can transmurf our animal friends permanently back into animals." Papa smiled as he held up his bag.

"Oh that is smurfy Papa!" The naturalist smurf exclaimed. The elder had decided Nat and the animals didn't need to know he had modified a curse. It seemed fitting that a curse used for good would undo a blessing used for evil.

He set up a small assortment of potions on a table at the side of the room while Natural explained what was going on to the transformed animals. The overworked smurf had to throw his arms out to stop the animals from mobbing the table. Only Slither and a single female in one of Smurfette's old dresses hung back. Suddenly the female darted forward, clinging to to the naturalist and chittering.

"What's smurfing, Natural?" Papa asked.

"Maple doesn't want to smurf back either." He answered with a grunt as he tried to pry the female off of him.

"Assure her she smurfn't have to if she doesn't want to. None of the animals have to smurf back if they wish to remain smurfs." Papa assured him. He waited while the linguistic smurf translated and got the answers from all of them. Maple relaxed, but still hovered near Nat.

"Twitter and Softsong each smurf a nest and a mate to get back to," He gestured at the two birds, then waved his hand at the pair of former squirrels. "Pinenut and Beech have a nest of babies they're desperate to smurf back to." He then indicated the other three rodents. "Gnaw, Taps, and Scuttle want to smurf home, and all I can smurf out of her is the word Pond." He finished with a gesture at the frog.

Papa double checked all of the species of the animals that wanted to change back, then made a few adjustments to the potions. Carefully, he double checked again as he passed the vials to the transformed smurfs.

Before the elder could say anything, half of them were drinking the potion. "Wait you have to smurf off... your clothes." It was too late. The sparrow fared well, his pants slipped off his spindly bird legs. The female titmouse wasn't so lucky, entangled badly in an old dress. The rats looked ridiculous in their clothes but were slowly untangling themselves. Only the two squirrels and frog had been prudent enough to wait.

Natural was trying to calm down the entangled titmouse, finally having to resort to rummaging around for some scissors and cutting the garment off carefully. Finally free, the bird ruffled her feathers indignantly. The two squirrels had placed their potion bottles down and proceeded to pull their clothes off with little heed to the embarrassment of the two native smurfs. Thankfully, they drank their potions just as quickly. The frog female followed the lead of the squirrels and soon all the animals that wished to be restored were.

It was now up to the naturalist smurf to corral the animals and lead them out of the village. He started squeaking, then chirping, followed by chitters then croaks. Slowly the eight animals followed Nat out the door, Maple followed him close behind.

Papa breathed a sigh of relief. Now he had only to work on the humans and dryad.

The former snake approached Papa again, hissing what seemed to be a question.

"I'm afraid I don't smurf snake like Natural does." The bearded smurf apologized.

Slither stumbled over the word several times before he finally managed, "Sssfeak."

"Speak?" The other smurf nodded. "Hm. Perhaps Brainy could smurf us out. Let's go smurf him." He wrote a quick note to Nat and headed out the door with the former serpent following. It wasn't hard to find the egotistical smurf, he was lecturing Lazy for sleeping again.

"Brainy." Papa called. The bespectacled smurf jumped and looked over at the elder.

"Papa! I was just smurfing Lazy that he ought to be smurfing out around here instead of smurfing all of the time-" The apprentice started.

"Brainy, I'm in need of your assistance." The red-clad smurf waited for the platitudes to partially over before he interrupted again. "This is Slither, he was one of the transmurfed animals, but he has decided to smurf as a smurf. There is also a smurfette named Maple. You'll need to smurf out and teach these two how to smurf."

"Of course Papa Smurf, I'll smurf right to it!" He paused, looking around. "Um, where is the smurfette?"

"She's currently with Natural, smurfing off the animals." The elder answered. "You'll smurf them when they return to the first floor of the east tower."

"Right away, Papa!" The intellect looked at the former snake. "Come, Slither. We'll smurf by my house to smurf my books on grammar and language." The new smurf followed his assigned teacher.

Papa headed back to his house. While curing the animals seemed relatively easy, he knew the humans would be far harder. After all, there were no curses that turned a creature into a human that he could modify. He would be starting mostly from scratch on an experimental spell.

He just hoped he could actually cure them.

**00000**

Something banged and Grouchy jerked awake. The baby! He was momentarily alarmed until he remembered that he'd given the baby to Poet to watch for the remainder of the night. He'd had a rough night. Every little sound the child made in her sleep seemed to wake him as if he was instinctively reacting to her presence to check on her. The end result was he was awake twice as much as she was during the night.

A loud knocking came again. Oh, that's what the banging was. He pulled himself out of bed and trudged to the door and opened it.

His brain did it's shorting out thing when he saw Vexy. "Uh. Hi." He was suddenly embarrassed that he hadn't gotten dressed first.

"Hiya tough guy." The dark haired smurfette smiled. "Just thought you'd like to wake up in time for lunch."

Was it that late already? The grump rubbed at his eyes. "Thanks. Just let me smurf on some clothes."

"I'll be waiting." Sometimes he was sure she was flirting with him. The former naughtie closed the door. He tossed his nightshirt and pajama pants onto the bed before hopping into a pair of pants and swapping his night cap out for his regular hat.

Fully dressed in record time, he opened the door again. The brunette gave him another brain shorting smile. They walked in silence down the small hill to the street below. Grouchy had picked a higher spot because it was less likely to flood according to Handy. And the less water he had to deal with the better, even if he had to live half way up picnic hill.

He glanced at Vexy as they strolled towards the mess hall. "How are you smurfing?" He finally asked.

"I don't know." She started. "One minute I think I'm fine with it and the next not so much." The conflict was plain on her face.

"I hate hugs... but..." I'd love one from you, he thought. Instead he finished. "If you need one, or whatever..." The sourpuss offered.

Suddenly they'd stopped and she had her arms wrapped around him. He pulled his arms up and returned the hug, reveling at the contact.

"He was horrible. But he was still my dad." She whispered. He felt a bit guilty for enjoying the hug so much. It was about comfort, not whatever his stupid brain or hormones wanted.

Though he really didn't mind that they told him this was a good idea. He took a breath, trying to think. "That's probably why you're smurfing the way you are. He was horrible, so you're glad. But he was also your first papa, so you'll miss him." He rumbled quietly.

She pulled back and he reluctantly dropped his arms. "Thanks." Vexy smiled, then narrowed her eyes at him. "If you tell anyone about this you'll regret it."

Grouchy arched a brow. "Sure. I'm going to go smurfing through town and shouting about how I volunteered to hug somesmurf." He griped.

Apparently Vexy was picturing him skipping, because her lips quirked as she tried not to laugh. "Throwing flower petals and wearing a tutu?" She started laughing then.

"I was smurfing sarcastic!" The grump couldn't keep his normal scowl on his face. A smile turned into a chuckle and soon he was laughing right along with her. As they calmed down the ornery smurf had to shove down the urge to say something stupidly romantic.

Instead, she took his hand and lead him towards the mess hall. He scowled because he knew he was blushing and that other smurfs could see. They'd talk, he was sure. Then again. Maybe if they all thought Vexy had picked him they'd leave her alone... and that wasn't a bad thing at all.

Fryer rang the lunch bell as they entered.

**00000**

Peewit's stomach woke him up. He was hungry and he realized he'd had nothing to eat since lunch the day before. Ah! He'd waste away to nothing!

"Johan, Johan!" The short smurf shook his sleeping companion. The knight muttered for him to go back to sleep. "But Johan, it's lunch time and I'm hungry." He whined.

The mention of food had Johan's own stomach making protests. It had been a day since they'd eaten. "I'm up. I'm up, Peewit." He stretched and checked his hands. Yes, still blue and missing a finger. So it hadn't been a dream. He heard the sound of running feet and looked to see his short friend's foot disappear out the door. A moment later he heard the jester shouting at the goat turned smurf to wake her up. An annoyed bleat answered him. In the distance, a bell rang, but for what purpose they weren't sure.

The miniature knight got up and walked into the living area, where Biquette had spent the night on the couch. She was still dressed in the modified saddle blanket tied carefully closed around her middle. Peewit had mentioned that he had to dress her while in the cage. The poor jester was glad he'd put a blanket on her that morning, otherwise she'd have been completely naked. It was also the reason why he flew off her back when she jerked to a stop, but he couldn't blame anyone but himself for that.

"Good, everyone's up. Let's see where the kitchens are." The dwarf smurf said excitedly. He hurried to the door and had it open before his taller companion had taken three steps into the room.

Johan chuckled. "Calm down Peewit, I'm sure there will be enough food for you. The smurfs have to feed their entire village after all. Including Greedy Smurf."

"That's what worries me!" The jester said as he hurried out the door. Biquette ran after him.

The knight stopped on the floor that he knew the dryad was on. The door was open, and no one answered his call. Shrugging, he headed back to the stairwell and stopped on the floor with the highwaymen. The door was closed and he knocked.

"Who is it?" A voice barked from inside.

"It's Sir Johan. My friend and I were going to find the kitchens to get something to eat. Would you care to join us?" The youthful smurf heard a few muffled sounds before the door was finally opened. He remembered Finn from the previous night, mostly due to his tan tunic.

A smurf in red approached the door as well. "I for one would like that." He was Lars, the knight had learned on the journey back from the wizard's that Finn and Lars were brothers. Finn was the eldest.

Quintz walked out of the lavatory. "What's this then? Someone say something about food?" He was a farmer and had taken up stealing to help feed his family and care for his sick wife. The miniature knight knew that times could get hard and didn't hold the actions of a desperate man against him.

The smurf in dark grey sitting on the couch was the most tight-lipped of the bunch. Samuel only said that used to be a merchant. "Aye, I could use a meal." The smurf said as he stood.

Apparently thinking the better of going against three hungry friends, Finn tilted his head at Johan. "Lead the way, Sir Knight."

Though he kept an eye on the four out of habit, the teen was sure they wouldn't try anything. Why ruin their chance of becoming human again?

After leaving the building, he noticed all the smurfs were headed in the same general direction. He spotted a familiar one carrying a yellow gift box tied with a red ribbon. "Jokey!"

The prankster turned to look and smiled wide. "Johan, you're looking pretty smurfy today." He laughed his distinctive laugh.

Ignoring the pun, the former human approached the demolition loving smurf. "What's going on? Why are all the smurfs headed in the same direction?" He was worried that there was trouble afoot.

The smurf chuckled again. "It's lunch time. Didn't ya smurf the bell? It's smurfed to announce every meal."

"Well, that's convenient." Finn noted. Jokey noticed the other four transformed humans and his grin became wider for a moment.

The prankster smurf offered the box in his hands to Lars, who stood closest to him. "Care for a welcoming surprise?"

The bandit looked pleasantly surprised. "Why thank you!" He started to pull the ribbon.

"Lars wait!" But Johan was too late and the black powder made a loud popping sound as it covered the former human's face in soot.

Jokey doubled over laughing. He would have gotten attacked if it hadn't been for the Knight stepping between Finn and the cackling smurf.

"Stand aside Knight. He attacked my brother." The highwayman growled.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to overlook Jokey. This is how he always acts." Johan was tense, ready to have to break up a possible fight.

"No harm done, Finn. It was a little funny." Lars said as he wiped the soot from his face.

"It was just a joke. They don't smurf me Jokey for nothin." The prankster said as he wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard.

The tan clad smurf huffed, but didn't try anything further. "Any others we should be wary of? Heaven help us if there's a Brawler smurf."

Lars found that amusing. They had been present for Clumsy's naming explanation. "Peeping Tom smurf." That started the chuckles from the former humans.

"Nudist smurf!" Samuel laughed. Jokey caught on to the new game and started laughing again.

The names became more crude and vulgar as they went on, Jokey suggesting some rather horrible ones himself. Johan tried not to laugh. He failed, feeling amused and guilty at the same time.

Finally they ran out of ideas, Lars clapping Jokey on the back. "You live up to your name, Jokey. Care to show us where to go to eat?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the prankster motioned to follow him. "Sure. Smurf this way." He liked these humans. They could take a joke and made up such funny games!

**00000**

Tracker found himself heading to the west smurfinimum instead of the mess hall. He was sure Azzy had to be awake by now. She seemed to live off of naps between activity. He knocked at her door and arched a brow as it swung open.

"Azzy?" He called out. A quick check of the rooms showed she was gone. The woodsmurf hoped that she'd headed down to the mess hall and he'd see her there.

She wasn't.

Vanity had actually enjoyed smurflingsitting, but he was even happier now that it was over. His darling Mirror had taken over, giving him a much needed (and well deserved) break. Now dressed in his best and looking absolutely stunning, he could seek out his smurffriend. He opened his door and almost let out a startled cry.

Huntress, Azrael transformed, stood looking like she was about to knock.

The smurfette dropped her arm. "Good. You're home. I need to ask you a few questions." She blocked the door when the dapper smurf attempted to shut it in her face.

"Couldn't you smurf someone else?" He pleaded as he backed away.

She walked in and shut the door. "No one else started a rumor that Azrael was dead."

Oh. So that's what this was about. Looking at a mirror on the wall, he relaxed his face back into his usual smurfy expression. "I smurfed that Azrael the cat is no more. Which is smurfically the truth. You're a smurf now."

The redhead looked at him suspiciously. "But why?"

"Some smurfs may have smurfed very unsmurfy had they found out you were Azrael." Vanity checked himself in his mirror. From an angle with a nearby wall mirror, he watched the smurfette's reaction.

Was he protecting his kin or her. Both? Huntress sighed. Why did smurfs have to be so nice? She could never tell if there was an ulterior motive, but it was starting to become clear that most of their actions didn't have ulterior motives.

Finally, she sighed. "Thanks, I guess. Considering how a few of you used pull my whiskers I'd rather not find out how they'd act."

"Unfortunately, despite our smurfiest efforts eventually the word will smurf out. If I were you darling, I'd find a way to smurf myself appreciated before that." The fashionista looked at her.

The former feline tilted her head. "Make myself appreciated? I take it hunting for food won't cut it?"

"It's rather cat-like, isn't it?" Vanity countered.

"Yeah." The redhead admitted. She thought about any other skills she had. Helping out with plots wouldn't go over well, as she was sure smurfs didn't plot... Well maybe that crazy one with the boxes. "I don't think I have any other skills."

"You can always smurf out a skill you think you might like and learn it." The vain smurf smiled when he saw the female's face light up. He was just so smurfy at helping others!

The door opened and Huntress was bumped from behind by it. She moved out of the way and watched another smurf enter carrying a small baby smurf.

"There, didey all smurfed. Now we can smurf to-" The other smurf noticed the redhead and took a few quick steps to stand in front of the dapper smurf.

The former feline was dumbfounded at the baby. She'd never seen one before... and hadn't heard of the child's existence.

Vanity stepped around his smurffriend's side, wrapping an arm around him comfortingly. "Everything's smurfy, Mirror. Huntress was just smurfing for advice." The perfumist seemed to relax after hearing that.

"When did you have a kit? And how?" The interest was as plain as the bluntness of her statement.

Mirror started stammering, "W-we didn't..."

"She came by stork, the way the rest of us smurfed." The fashionista explained smoothly. "My smurfness, was it just two days ago?"

"Kits are so adorable." The statement sounded so odd coming from the redhead that the two males looked at each other. She noticed and scowled. "I can be motherly."

"We didn't smurf any offense. We've just never smurfed this side of you before." The reflection smurf apologized as he shifted the smurfling around. Baby waved her arms, slapping her rattle against her caretaker's arm.

"I was a cat for nearly forty years, that's two cat lifetimes. Gargamel slipped up a few times with his potions. I've probably got descendants hunting mice in the two kingdoms if they lived long enough to breed." Huntress didn't realize she'd stunned the two into silence. "How long will it take that one to grow?"

She had to repeat her question before Vanity finally answered. "Smurfs are considered adults after our first century." It was almost a murmur.

The female looked a bit horrified. "How long do they stay helpless like that?"

After a glance and a shrug, the vain smurf spoke again. "You'd have to smurf Papa, we don't really remember."

"That'd be a good thing to ask..." The former feline trailed off. "I'd better go. Um. Thank you for your help, Vanity." She finished just before she ducked out of the door and was gone. Soon after, the lunch bell rang.

Mirror couldn't shake the awkward feeling that mixed relief and shock. "What just smurfed?"

"To be honest, darling, I'm not sure mysmurf."


	8. Ch 08: Trial and Error

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**This is the last update before I go onto bi-weekly updates in the new year. I've got quite a bit to do in the next two weeks or so, then hopefully it'll calm down and I may be able to go back to once a week posting. We'll see.**  
**Look for the next update on the 12th of January!**

Chapter 08: Trial and Error

It was lunch time. He'd heard the bell but there was no way he could stop now. The promise of a successful experiment was too intoxicating. Alchemist watched the little cauldron carefully. He was waiting for a color change. It'd be subtle, from cyan to turquoise. He'd carefully used Painter's paints to show the shade and held the small color card as if it was a weapon against a monster.

In a way, it was. Potions often exploded violently if they went critical. Wait, there it was, the color change!

Keeping his hand steady, he dropped a single drop of antimony from the crucible he picked up from another flame. Nothing seemed to happen.

Suddenly a chill ran down the smurf's spine, his mind drifted and he swayed on his feet. What was that sweet smell? Like Smurfette's perfume.

Fume? Fumes!

Eyes widening, Alchemist staggered to his door and tripped as he jerked it open. He fell onto his front step, laying there and gulping the fresh air. He accepted the dangers of experimenting on his own. One day, though, it was very probably going to kill him.

Satisfied he could think clearly again, he pulled his cape around to cover his nose and mouth. And smurfs thought he was just being pompous. Hah! It was as useful as it was a fashion statement.

He reentered his home, opening all of the windows to let the air circulate. Then he killed the flame on the potion before it went critical.

Picking up a quill, he noted the fumes as a reaction to adding antimony. Apparently the feminine based metal didn't react well to the bit of iron that was added to the base of salt before the mercury. If he was correct, it was a solution that could coat an object and act as a permanent flame protection. It would save him from having to copy his books again from Archivist.

He rolled a blank piece of paper into a cylinder and coated one end with the potion. The solution seemed to soak into the page, darkening it slightly. He waited to make sure it cured that side of the paper.

Moving the crucible, he put the paper directly into that flame and watched the paper with interest.

The flames licked the page, but it didn't blacken or curl. The paper stayed intact. He moved the paper lower into a hotter part of the flame only to get the same impervious reaction.

"Ha-ha!" He cheered as he unrolled the paper to look at it. Still pristine save for wanting to curl where he'd rolled it. He touched a finger carefully to the surface. Not even hot!

Euphoria over a successful experiment made him giddy. He wondered if this could actually stop a smurf from being boiled? Not that Gargamel was a threat anymore, but Bigmouth had his moments. And then there was Balthazar too.

He looked over his notes. He'd designed this potion with books in mind, but paper was organic material just like a smurf.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, Alchemist thought as he dipped his index finger into the potion.

It was not a good idea after all. His finger felt like he'd been stung, a rapidly spreading heat suffused into his hand and rushed up his arm. He gasped and yanked his hand back but by then it was too late. A bout of dizziness struck him and he staggered, crashing into a table.

He must have blacked out, the sun had shifted as he blinked groggily. His cape had fallen from his nose and lay around his neck. Hey, he was alive, so there was that. Standing stiffly, he looked at the worktable. The alcohol burner under the crucible had long since burned out. So about two hours then, if not more.

He looked at his finger, then frowned. His hand looked off somehow. He raised both of his hands and looked at them. They were smaller, he was sure. Was he shrinking?

Quickly he strolled to the large mirror that hung on his closet door. It had a scratch on one side of the frame for just such an occasion.

He looked into the mirror and let out a high pitched squeal.

Or should he say she?

"Oh smurf." The shock of seeing shoulder length dark hair coming from the back of Alchemist's cap made the potion maker speak. The accidental smurfette took her cap off. The dark hair was broken up by a single sulphurous green streak on her left side. A quick pat down told her of her switched out 'assets'. And on her chest... Well. That was why the smurfettes had to cover their chests. She spun her cape around and tied it like a smock.

Well, she mused, at least she made for a pretty sexy smurfette. This was better than being a half-dragon as well. After musing for a few more moments, the potioneer headed back to the worktable and wrote in bold 'Do Not Touch' onto the notes. She started pulling down books to see if she could find a solution to her problem.

A wicked thought occurred to her to give the solution to Jokey.

That sweet chaos could wait until after she'd fixed this accident.

**00000**

Papa waved to Johan as he entered with Jokey and the other transformed humans. Peewit was already sitting with the elder, eating food at a pace that rivaled Greedy's. Biquette was beside of the jester, the former goat nibbled on fruits and vegetables. Beside Papa, Smurfette and Hefty sat to one side and Gutsy on the other.

"Good afternoon, Papa Smurf." The knight greeted cheerfully. He sat down next to Peewit. Lars waved at Jokey as he left and Finn murmured a greeting to the bearded smurf as the four transformed humans sat down. Samuel pulled up a chair from a nearby table.

"It's smurfy to see you're doing well given the circumstances." The smurf in red said.

"Oh, it's been alright." Peewit barely stopped chewing between bites. "The food is great!"

Smurfette giggled. "With as much as you're smurfing, Peewit, maybe we should have Chef smurf up a table just for you at dinner like we have for Greedy."

"I'd get my own table full of food?" The jester looked ecstatic. "This place is fantastic!" Those that knew the ever-hungry dwarf chuckled.

After a few moments Papa changed the subject. "As for the transmurfations, I was able to find out a few things. It will take a lot of energy to smurf you to your true forms. Fortunately, we have that in the smurfed essence." He paused for a moment, all of the former humans were paying close attention. "I'll need to smurf possible solutions, would any of you volunteer?"

The bandits looked uneasy, they were common folks and didn't have much experience with magic. Most humans naturally feared the unknown.

The knight didn't flinch. "If you need me to act as a test subject, I'd be glad to." While Johan knew magic could be dangerous, his ties with Papa and Homibus as well as his various adventures made him less fearful of magic.

"Thank you. I was also wondering if I could smurf Biquette. Given her true form's size, she may be an integral smurf between the spells I've found and those that could smurf you all back to normal." The elder looked at Peewit.

"Sure, I think she wouldn't mind either way." The dwarf smiled.

Showing more intelligence than she usually did, the former goat added in, "Naaa." She nodded.

The conversation drifted, mostly satisfying mutual curiosities between the humans and smurfs. Johan and Peewit managed to answer a few of their fellow transformee's questions thanks to their friendship with the smurfs.

As lunch wound down, Papa turned to Gutsy. "If you could make sure I'm not smurfed unless it's an emergency, I'll get right to smurfing that spell. Johan, Biquette, if you could meet me at my lab after you're finished smurfing lunch." The elder stood to leave.

"We'll join you now, if it's all the same." Johan said as he stood. "Come, Biquette." The smurfette got up and followed the two out of the mess hall.

They passed Tracker and Huntress, who were leaving along with a few other smurfs.

The hunter smurf waited until they were out of earshot of others to ask the question that had been on his mind since the redhead had shown up to lunch smelling of lotions and perfumes. "You smurfed to Vanity?"

The smurfette had been quiet during lunch. She still seemed to be lost in thought now. "Eh?" She finally asked and the woodsmurf had to repeat the question. "Oh. I had to ask Vanity about that rumor. He said it was for my safety but it wouldn't last... and that I should try to make myself useful aside from hunting."

"Biased. But I smurf it's not bad advice." Tracker shrugged.

"Do you do anything besides hunt?" The female glanced at him.

"I go smurfing truffles in autumn. I also smurf Hundred with his perfumes. I smurf out a few others around the village when I can. And most smurfs smurf to me when something or somesmurf needs to be found." The last part was how he got his name, of course. His kin learned quickly never to let him be 'it' in a game of hide and go smurf when they were smurflings.

"I don't really have any talents besides being a general assistant." Huntress grumbled.

The woodsmurf got an idea and changed direction. "Follow me, Azzy. I'll introduce you to some smurfs who are always in need of assistants."

The former feline headed off after him. They seemed to be heading towards Tracker's house, but stopped about three houses away. It was a mushroom building with a sign in front showing a needle and thread.

The hunter paused outside of the door. "This is Tailor and Weaver's shop, and Tailor's house. Weaver smurfs next door." He pointed to a house closer to his. "I'm still not smurfing to Tailor's standards, but trying counts for something even if you're pants at it right?"

"But I don't know how to sew." Huntress started, but the male had already knocked on the door.

"You can learn." He whispered just before the door opened.

The smurf that opened the door wore no adornment, but his voice sounded exactly like Tailor's. "Tracker! And you must be Huntress. Come in. We're a bit oversmurfed today."

"Thank you, Weaver." The woodsmurf smiled. "We were smurfing to see if you needed any help."

A smurf sewing some pants and with a tailor's tape around his neck sighed. "Tracker, bubeh, don't expect to be sewing. Thank smurfness Handy made that didey washer or you'd be smurfing that!" Tailor put down the pair of pants he was working on.

The workshop was organized chaos, with cloth, a loom, spinning wheel, scissors, flax threads, large pots, and a number of odds and ends scattered about on the tables.

"If you remember how to smurf the wheel, I could get back to smurfing the winter cloth." Weaver suggested.

Tracker chuckled. "I believe I smurf it well." He took Weaver's seat at a wooden spinning wheel, picking up the work on a large bag of wool.

"So, Huntress, have you ever smurfed before?" Tailor asked, looking through a drawer.

"No. I've never done any of this." The former feline watched as he pulled out a spare needle and thread.

"Let's smurf if you've got some talent then." The clothier started instructing the redhead on how to thread the needle, then handed her a few scraps of cloth to start practicing. He pointed out small tips to her as she went then inspected the two scraps after she'd finished.

"Not bad. Nevermind your speed, Bubeh, smurf the spacing first." The garment making smurf pulled up a few pairs of pants and handed her one. After a few questions, all four smurfs were working.

Huntress noticed the stitching on the other leg of the pants she was working on. The small, even lines of thread looked like a machine had done them. It made her line look rather pitiful by comparison. She tried to mimic the look with little success.

After poking her finger for the fifth time, she decided she needed a distraction. "How long have you two been making clothes?"

"I smurf it was summertime about... oh, 70 or so years ago. Papa let me smurf him with some of the mending." Tailor sighed with nostalgia.

"Then I wanted to smurf it too." Added Weaver as he wove the shuttle through the loom.

"Is that why you sound so much alike? Because you've been working together for so long?" The ex-cat asked as she made another stitch. Both textile smurfs laughed.

"Heh. We're twins." The clothier chuckled. "The stork smurfed us both to the village on the same day." He didn't add that both he and his twin agreed that they'd always felt like there was something missing. They often wondered if the stork dropped a third basket and lost a second smurfling. The first would have been the smurfling lost that Papa had told them about. It happened 9 years before they came along.

The topic drifted, the smurfs talking as they worked. By the time the dinner bell rang, Huntress had finished the pair of pants and was trying to work a few cramps out of her hands.

Tailor inspected the pants. "I smurf if you keep at it, you'll be a fine seamstress." He complimented as they left for the mess hall.

Huntress had a 'cat that got the cream' expression all through dinner.

**00000**

Grouchy sat between Vexy and Jokey, the latter retelling the 'joke' that the humans had made about horrible smurfs to meet. The grumpy smurf was trying to focus on his lunch. Hackus sat on Vexy's other side and across the table were Crazy, Weepy, Flighty, Disabled, and Surfer.

The grump was trying to keep his usual scowl, though with the table in various states of mirth it was difficult. Weepy was laughing and crying at the same time, Vexy was clutching at her sides, and Crazy had fallen off his chair.

Why did Vexy have to sit with the weirdest smurfs? Now they were trying to think of new horrible smurf names.

"Stabby smurf!? Stabby would be a horrible smurf to smurf!" Weepy didn't even bother to wipe at the tear tracks running down his face as he tried to catch his breath from laughing.

"S'yeah dude, like you're smurfing along and suddenly..." Surfer made a stabbing motion with his fist. "That'd be harsh, brah." He barely got out his last sentence over his laughs.

Crazy crawled back up to the table. "Annoying Noisemaker smurf."

"But brah, you're the noisemaker smurf!" Surfer snickered.

"No, no," The smurf twitched as he talked, an obvious sign he was getting overly excited. "Not the alarm. I'm smurfing about-" He let out a high pitched buzzing kind of sound that grated on the ears for about five seconds before he lost it and fell to the ground laughing again. Vexy beat the table with her fist. Grouchy thought that if such a smurf existed he'd likely be smurfed in short order.

"Hackus got it! Tooty smurf!" The former naughtie blew an obnoxious raspberry and the table erupted again. The sourpuss smurf wiped the smile off his face as fast as he could.

"I smurfed that! You smurfed him to smile, Hackus!" Jokey crowed and leaned on the ornery smurf. "Lighten up, Grouchy."

"Smurf off of me Psycho Smurf." The grump growled. From the floor, Crazy echoed the new name and started laughing again.

The prankster didn't move, knowing he was pushing his luck. "You know you smurf me."

"Jokey." The sourpuss snarled in warning. That bombing idiot was starting to push all of his buttons.

"I just can't smurf it, you left me for Vexy!" The comedian had to. He just had to push. "I'm so-"

In an explosive flurry of movement, Grouchy shoved Jokey away from him and then dove at the prankster, snarling. The other smurf was used to this, expecting it even, and didn't miss a beat when he rolled to the side and jumped to his feet. He danced away, laughing his signature laugh. The grump jumped up, swinging a fist at that mocking face.

Jokey leaned out of the way before he turned and ran, heading for the exit. Grouchy started to follow, but was stopped by somesmurf grabbing his arm. He turned, ready to beat whatever foolhardy do-gooder that was trying to stop him.

It was Vexy. He dropped his fist from it's pulled back position. "What?" He growled.

"You need to chill. There's no need to get worked up over a stupid joke."

"I **hate** his stupid jokes!" He snarled. "And I hate that he never leaves me the smurf alone!" The sourpuss yanked his arm free and stormed out of the mess hall, grumbling vitriol under his breath.

Vexy watched him go, wondering if she should follow.

"Ahem." The unmistakable sound of Brainy clearing his throat caught the former naughtie's attention. "Everysmurf around here knows not to smurf Grouchy and Jokey at the same table. I'm surprised he smurfed down willingly. For future reference, I have smurfed a list of smurfs not to sit near each other. If you care to smurf it I can smurf you a copy."

Disabled hobbled up, the wooden prosthetic allowing him to only need a cane to walk. "Brainy."

"I wasn't orating!" The bespectacled smurf said quickly in his defense.

"No, I wanted to smurf that list." The one-legged smurf explained with a chuckle.

"Oh." The intellectual puffed up with pride. The two smurfs watched Vexy trot out of the mess hall quickly. "Smurf with me then. Thanks to my keen eye for observation, I've smurfed a rough outline of smurfs most likely to have unsmurfy interactions with each other. Why I was just saying to Papa the-"

"Brainy. Now you're orating." The amputee smurf warned, he rubbed the fox tooth he wore around his neck in a nervous gesture.

"Ah. So I am." The smurf pushed his glasses up and chuckled nervously. He started out of the mess hall, walking at a slightly slower pace so Disabled could keep up.

Across the mess hall, the four former humans finally overcame their shock at the outburst. Samuel looked at the smurfs across from them. "So what was that all about?"

"Grouchy smurfed next ta Jokey. I dinnae know why though. Those two smurfs smurf along like oil and fire." Gutsy said, absently poking at a potato with his fork.

"Vexy probably. She smurfed me she was friends with both of them." Smurfette supplied. Well... it was more of a hopeful romance with one grump in particular, but that was girl talk and therefore secret.

**00000**

Vexy knew there was a particular rock on Picnic Hill that the village grump liked to sit behind. It blocked unwanted attention unless a smurf happened to be heading out of the north path of the village that ultimately lead to the waterfall. It was taller than a smurf, so she walked around it.

His feet came into view first, he was sitting and glaring at the ground as if the soil in front of him had given him a grievous insult. He glanced her way.

"What?" He finally ground out.

She sat down beside of him. "I'm just seeing if you're ok."

"Had to smurf on Jokey first?" He wasn't jealous. Huh-uh. Nope. Not him.

Vexy narrowed her eyes. "I haven't seen him since he ran from the mess hall."

Why did he always manage to say something stupid? It didn't help that he was riled up over the jokes at his expense. He harrumphed and didn't respond.

"So that's it? Accuse me of checking up on your Ex and then nothing?" Vexy said cattily.

Grouchy whirled, almost nose to nose with the smurfette. "I hate Jokey. I've never smurfed anything with that psycho!" He was snarling again.

"What, gonna try to punch me too?" She challenged.

"I hate fighting!" Even if the white-hot rage made him want to grab her and choke the life out of her. His hands raised, fingers twitching.

"Ha! You don't look like you hate fighting. Go on! Do it!" The dark-haired smurfette was just as riled, ready to fight-

He gave in to instinct and grabbed her shoulders roughly, kissing her.

The grump realized what he was doing soon after and jerked away. Now would come the inevitable screaming.

Vexy blinked in surprise. If she were a more girly girl, she may have squealed with glee. She'd been dropping hints for two months! Instead she leaned in and cupped her hand under Grouchy's chin. "It's about time, tough guy." She purred.

She wasn't yelling? He turned his head wondering if he was about to see a fist coming his way. Instead it was her face with half lidded eyes and she was getting closer.

They kissed again. It was less rough, but no less passionate.

**00000**

"Does that happen often?" Medic asked as watched the dark haired smurfette head out of the building.

"Only if they smurfen to sit together. Jokey likes to smurf Grouchy until he smurfs his top." Greedy replied after he finished off half a pie.

"Sounds kinda dangerous from the reaction just a lil' bit ago." The brown haired smurfette took a drink of her smurfberry juice.

"It is. Jokey just smurfs for stuff like that. It's just how he is." The gourmet offered her the last cupcake.

The healer considered it. "Um, I better not. That's tempting though. Thanks."

"They're always too tempting for me." He ate half of the cupcake in a single bite.

The smurfette pulled a book from the stack of five next to her and opened it to a marked page. "Sorry I'm not gonna to be much help, but the sooner I get these read, the sooner Dabbler will consider workin' with me."

That had been the doctor's stipulation. She grinned again as she thought of his smug expression as he handed her the books. She had an ace up her sleeve that she let Greedy in on as they headed back from the medical office. He surprised her by telling her that an eidetic memory was possible with potions and Clumsy had been splashed by one at one point. While the potion wore off after a counter potion with Gargamel, the klutzy smurf's mind had improved.

"It's fine. Cobbler and Barber usually smurf out after lunch." Greedy shrugged as he finished off the cupcake.

"Should I move over somewhere outta the way?" Medic asked. She'd sat quietly in the kitchen reading while the smurfs prepared lunch.

"Oh, I wouldn't smurf if you sat in my lap." The ample smurf realized his slip and backtracked. "I. I mean to smurf you're not in the way at all! I'll smurf the dishes." Blushing, he stood and picked up an armload of dishes, then almost ran from the room.

"What on earth was that all about?" The brown haired smurfette murmured to herself. Shrugging it off as an oddity she wasn't privy to, she propped the book up on the table to read, quickly becoming engrossed. Some of the information looked dated, but she'd remember it all after just one read through.

She didn't notice when Cobbler was shoved through the door of the kitchen by Greedy's hand. The shoemaker smurf went about gathering the dishes until the tables were cleared.

In the kitchen, the gourmet smurf was about to tear his bib he was wringing it so hard. "I really smurfed up!" He groaned.

"What, did you smurf her food?" Chef asked as he put away some vegetables.

"I smurfed her that I wouldn't smurf if she sat in my lap." The ample smurf did tear a corner on his bib then.

"Oh no, Greedy. You realize she's one of the transmurfed smurfs, no? That she will be smurfed back when Papa smurfs the right spell?" Chef looked at the distraught smurf with pity.

"Chef is right, amigo. Better to not smurf your hopes up." Baker chimed in as he put a batch of dough in a pan to rise.

Greedy slumped. "But she's smurfing all of those books. It really smurfs like she plans to stay."

"Have you smurfed her?" Barber asked, elbow deep in dishwater. Cobbler came in and levered his armload onto the counter.

"I would if I hadn't smurfed up and smurfed that to her." The gourmet groaned again.

"What are we smurfing about?" Cobbler asked, intrigued. Barber filled him in. "Greedy, she doesn't even look like she smurfs what you smurfed. She's in there reading those smurfs."

Cobbler returned the earlier favor and shoved the ever-hungry smurf back out into the mess hall. He twisted his bib in his hands again, tearing the linen further. Tailor was going to have a fit. The smurfette was oblivious, turning another page as he approached.

"Um. Medic?" It took some willpower to pull his hands away from his abused bib.

"Just a sec." The female replied, eyes darting over the page until she came to a stopping point. She tucked the scrap of paper she used as a bookmark back into the book and closed it. "Yeah?"

"I just wanted to apologize for what I smurfed earlier." Greedy wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands, so he wound up clasping them behind his back.

The smurfette chuckled nervously. "Well it was a bit brazen, but I guess it's kinda flatterin' as long as ya don't go all creepo on me."

The smurf waved his hands in supplication. "No! I didn't mean to smurf it in the first place. It was just a Spring Fever slip of the smurf."

"Spring Fever?" Medic raised a brow in query. "Wait, I saw that in the table of contents in this book." She pulled the third book from the stack and leafed through it. The ample smurf was just grateful that he didn't have to explain it himself and let her read.

"Oh my." She said after finishing the short section on it. It was mentioned it was explained in further detail in another book, one she didn't have. She'd have to pay a visit to Dabbler's again. "So does that mean that a smurf will just up and declare their love for any female they come across? That introduction didn't answer that."

"I smurf there's more to it than that." Greedy tried to explain as best he could. "It's like smurfing hungry but not starving, you have to like the food. It won't make you smurf something you don't like."

"Ah. I get it. That's why it said mild. Which is why you were embarrassed at the slip-up." So she was back to feeling a little flattered by the attention instead of worried it was some hormone induced mating display. "I guess I'll have to get used to that."

"Get used to it? You mean you smurf to stay a smurf?" The gourmet tried to keep his tail from twitching with excitement.

"Well, I haven't officially asked yet, but I'm leanin' towards it. It's nice here." Not to mention all the problems that would come with reverting back to her old form.

"I'm sure you'd find it smurfy to live here." He had gotten his hopes up again.

"It's good to know I'm welcomed." She smiled, unlike many of her others, this one reached her eyes. "Ya know, why not? I'll ask at supper if I can stay."

"Yippee!" Greedy gave her an excited bear hug.

"Need to breathe." Her voice was strained.

"Oops. Hehe." The ample smurf let her go and she sucked in a breath. "Sorry."

Medic laughed.

**00000**

The cauldron bubbled on the fire. Papa had set up a table outside of his workshop with various items and spellbooks. He was currently leafing through one of the tomes.

Muttering to himself, the smurf wizard picked up two vials and looked at them carefully before putting one back. The other he carried to the cauldron and placed in three drops. Finally, to power the transformation, he added a smurf sized beaker of essence.

From there he directed the spell, the vapors from the cauldron giving off a bright glow. The magic swirled around Biquette, wrapping her in a cloak of glowing fog.

Suddenly the smurfette changed form. Standing there was now a tiny goat in an old dress. Biquette bleated in surprise and stomped a foreleg.

Papa smurf hummed thoughtfully. Was that permanent or a temporary transformation? He walked into his lab and pulled a large mirror that was secured to the lid of a trunk. Taking that outside, he looked at the goat through the mirror.

"Did it work?" Johan asked, he could see a glow around the black animal in the mirror, but had no idea what that meant. His own reflection showed no such glow.

"No. The glow smurfs that Biquette has an enchantment upon her. Fascinating. I smurfed that perhaps you had only been transmurfed temporarily, Johan. But the mirror smurfs you as a real smurf."

"Peewit said that Biquette got hit with a small blue orb just after she was changed. And then he watched the same thing happen to the dryad. The orb flew from somewhere on the Wizard's chest." The knight supplied. That tidbit of information had taken several rounds of questioning the night previous. Peewit tended to notice things, but if it wasn't food or danger, they didn't quite register as important.

The older smurf looked thoughtfully at the mirror. "Gargamel must have had some way to smurf the True Blue spell. There are a few ways he could have smurfed this." From the glow, they had about a week before the enchantment wore off and Biquette turned back into a smurf. Layering the enchantments on her to make it last longer and then grow her to a normal goat's size would work and he could potentially make the magic last as long as the goat lived... But that much magic layered on top of itself had the potential to backfire, especially if introduced to other volatile magics.

No. The safer thing would be to figure out how to remove the True Blue spell. Then the transformation would wear off naturally in a few days.

"What's wrong, Papa Smurf?" Johan asked. The older smurf was frowning as he looked into the mirror.

"To unsmurf this, I'm going to have to smurf something I've never done before." Papa said sadly. "I'll have to smurf a curse that desmurfs the True Blue spell." The idea certainly did not sit well with him. If something went wrong, Smurfette, Vexy, Hackus and the two animals could be affected as well.

"It's too dangerous to smurf something like that here. I'll have to smurf my supplies to a secluded place." The red-clad smurf continued. He rubbed his beard in thought.

The motion reminded the former human of another wizard. "What about going to Homnibus? Surely he could assist you and the distance would mean safety for the village."

"Brilliant!" The older smurf broke into a grin. "I'll smurf Homibus a letter right away!" He bustled into his lab to grab quill, ink, and parchment. His human friend would be pleased to work with him on a new and intriguing spell. And to help their mutual friends, he was sure Homibus wouldn't refuse.

After penning the letter, he waited for the ink to dry. Peewit had shown up while he was occupied and was feeding the tiny goat a loaf of bread. "So Biquette's not back to normal?" The dwarf asked.

"No, Peewit, but we're smurfing on it." Papa answered. He checked the paper and decided to wait a bit longer. Better to wait then have a smudged letter create a misunderstanding.

"How quickly do you think Homibus will reply?" Johan wondered.

"Oh, I'm smurfing that he'll reply immediately." Papa answered, checking the page again. The ink was finally dry and he rolled up the letter and tied it with a string. Blowing a loud whistle, he called a bird to him. It was less a real whistle and more of a spell, the little animal messenger flitted down from a nearby tree. The sparrow looked familiar and the elder wondered if it was one of the formerly transformed animals. "If you would be so kind as to take this to Homibus the Enchanter, I thank you friend."

The bird tweeted in response and held out a leg, allowing the letter to be tied to him. Then the bird took off, flying towards the human's home.

"I've smurfed Homibus if I could see him today but he may wish to wait until tomorrow." Papa looked at Johan. "In either case, I'd like you and the other transmurfed smurfs to accompany me when I smurf to Homibus's. We'll fly by stork."

"F-fly?" Peewit squeaked. He didn't like the sound of that. "Couldn't I just ride Biquette?" The jester pointed to the goat currently eating a dandelion nearby.

"Bayard. We could take my horse." Johan suggested. "Poor Bayard needs to have his tack pulled off and to be brushed. He's been wearing it for two days now."

Papa chuckled. "Very well. We'll go by horse." Perhaps most humans just weren't ready for travel by flight. Those in the other world thought little of it. Then again, they were enclosed in enormous flying carriages and couldn't feel the wind or see many of the sights like smurfs did when traveling by stork. Mr. Winslow had mentioned something about not being able to breathe as high up as they were when they flew to Paris.

"Shall I go fetch the others?" Johan asked, jarring the bearded smurf from his thoughts. The red clad smurf nodded.

"Lars said they were heading back to their room." Peewit supplied. "But the dryad was still sitting with Greedy smurf when I left."

"I'll be smurfing up my supplies for the journey." Papa announced. "I'll be here."

"Right." Johan nodded. "I'll fetch the former bandits, Peewit, if you'll fetch the dryad."

"Um. Can I fetch the bandits instead? She's kinda scary." The dwarf looked nervous.

The knight sighed. "Very well." Really, to be scared when the female had only been giving a distraction. The bandanna wearing smurf headed off to the mess hall.

The lunch dishes had long been cleared away and preparations for dinner were just getting started. Medic still sat at the table, almost finished with the first book.

A crashing was suddenly heard and the smurfette looked up. "Out! Out! Si ghiottone!" Chef was screaming in Italian and the words didn't sound nice.

"Ow! Ow! Ok! I'm going!" Greedy barreled through the door and into the mess hall. The door swinging back closed saved him from a flying frying pan. It crashed back into the kitchen.

"What'n tha world?" The brown haired female stared.

The gourmet smurf approached her, rubbing his head and looking a bit embarrassed. He sat down opposite her and laughed. "Uh. Hi."

"What was that about?" Medic asked.

He chuckled. "Sometimes I get a bit too tempted while smurfing out. And then I smurf something and Chef smurfs me out of the kitchen."

"But don't a lotta of cooks taste their food as they're makin' it?" She looked confused.

Greedy grinned and rubbed the back of his head again. "Yeah, but most don't smurf a half-dozen smurfberry tarts to taste test them."

The smurfette laughed. "Yeah, I can see that makin' him mad."

Johan walked through the double doors, spotting the healer almost immediately. "Madam Dryad, Papa Smurf wishes to see you."

"Ok. And it's Medic now." The female looked down at her books. "Um, Greedy could you watch these?"

"I'll smurf them for you and smurf along." The plump smurf grinned cheerfully as he picked up the books.

"Oh, you didn't have to..." Medic started, then smiled instead. "Thanks."

The miniature knight led the two smurfs back to the elder's house. There, Peewit and the other former humans awaited their arrival. Papa was talking with Smurfette, Hefty, and Gutsy.

The jester spotted the approaching trio first. "Johan! Homibus wants to help and says we can come at our earliest convenience!"

"Fantastic, Peewit." The knight smiled as he stopped near his friend. "Will we be leaving as soon as possible then?"

"Just as soon as we load up that trunk and all climb onto Bayard." The dwarf said excitedly. He patted Biquette as she wandered close. Papa and the other three smurfs were standing near a large trunk.

"But Papa, Brainy?" Gutsy said plaintively and loud enough to be overheard. "You know how that busysmurf smurfs with an ounce of powar."

Papa shook his head. "Alright then. Smurfette, you're in charge." He'd have to try to get Brainy to be less pompous later.

The elder turned his attention to the assembled transformed smurfs. "Now that you're all smurfed here we can find Bayard and get smurfing to Homibus's. I hope that once there, it won't take long to smurf you back to your normal forms."

"Um, Sir." The only smurfette of the transformed group raised her hand. "I'd like to stay, if that's alright." The former humans looked at her.

"Oh?" The sentiment surprised the bearded smurf. "Don't you have a home or family to smurf back to?"

Medic looked at the ground and took a breath. "No."

Oh dear. The red-clad smurf thought. It sounded like she'd suffered a grievous loss. After a moment, he nodded. "I see. Then you're free to smurf here as long as you like."

"Thank you, Sir." The female sighed, relieved.

"Oh, and it's not Sir. It's Papa." The bearded smurf corrected.

"Thank you, Papa." Medic echoed with the corrected name.

Papa looked at the former humans and tiny goat. "Well then, it'll be the eight of us smurfing to Homibus's. Johan, if you could smurf Bayard and if somesmurf will smurf me with this trunk, we can get smurfing."

The elder picked up one end of the trunk and Lars picked up the other. Smurfette and Gutsy called after them, wishing them a safe journey. Together, the seven smurfs and goat headed towards the east side of the village. Over the bridge and through the barrier they walked before the knight whistled for his steed.

After the third whistle the thudding of hooves on soft earth could be heard and the white horse trotted his way through the trees. He greeted them with a nicker, lowering his head to sniff at Johan. Biquette bleated, prompting the horse to sniff her as well. Papa pulled several bundles of rope from the trunk and the knight took one as he climbed up onto the horse's head.

Making his way down the animal's neck, he tied a rope to the saddle and the other transformed smurfs climbed up. They had to tie ropes to the trunk and miniature goat and slowly hoist them up onto the saddle. Biquette did not enjoy the treatment but weathered it all with only an angry pawing at the saddle once she was aloft.

They secured the trunk and goat. Samuel had the idea to run two ropes down the saddle to act as handles and it turned out to be very helpful once the knight picked up the reigns. The horse started off and the jolt nearly had Peewit toppling off of the saddle. After the rocky start, they were off.

**00000**

Greedy's elation at the female staying was tainted by what she'd just said to Papa. In that one 'no' there was a deep sadness. He didn't know what to say. They had started walking in the general direction of the mess hall after Papa and his group had gotten too far to shout at.

Finally he settled for a question. "Medic?" She looked at him with her green flecked blue eyes. "Are you ok?"

Her mouth lifted to a half-smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'll be fine. It's not like they're missin' me. I'm still there."

"Uh... what?" The gourmet smurf blinked in confusion.

"The spell that brought me here went wrong. Instead of transportin' me into another world, it basically copied me and placed those copies into multiple different worlds." She ran her hand through her hair as she explained. "I'm pretty much a copy of the me in my home world. So there's still the original me there livin' with my family."

"Oh!" The smurf nodded in understanding. "You're like Hundred Smurf." That prompted a retelling of how the reflection smurf came to be. By the end, the two were sitting just off the path with the stack of books between them.

"So he's got all of Vanity's memories?" The smurfette asked.

"From what Hundred smurfs, he remembers things as if smurfing at Vanity through a mirror. But it's strange, some of the things he smurfs happened when Vanity wasn't looking in a mirror." Greedy picked a few sprigs of grass.

"Maybe during his creation the other memories were filled in from Vanity? I'm not even sure how lightnin' on silver could make a reflection come to life. The magic of this world might be a bit different fer all I know." Medic chuckled. "I'm much better at healin' spells than anythin' else anyways."

The ample smurf nodded, remembering her somewhat disturbing demonstration to Dabbler. Cutting her finger off delibrately just to regrow it worked... but she didn't forewarn either of the two smurfs. At least she apologized afterward when it was pointed out to her. She tended to take for granted what she could do with her abilities.

The gourmet's stomach rumbled. "I wonder what they're smurfing for dinner."

"Will they let ya back in?" The smurfette queried.

"Probably not until after dinner. We could smurf to the sarsaparilla fields." The hungry smurf was getting excited over the thought of picking some of the leaves already.

"Those plants are poisonous to humans, they're not t'smurfs?" Medic picked up two of the books this time, beating Greedy who grabbed the other three.

"They're a smurfy part of our diet. We smurfed some at lunch." The smurf stood, starting to lead the way.

"Heh. I thought those were collard greens." The healer laughed.

"You can smurf the difference better when they're raw. Sarsaparilla smurfs a little bit sweeter." The bib wearing smurf smiled.

The subject stayed on food until they got to the sarsaparilla fields.


	9. SF Side Story: Alchemical Romance

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Warning! This work contains explicit sex between two male characters. You have been warned.**

Alchemical Romance

(A month before the arrival of Baby Smurf)

There was a knock at the door. Alchemist was glad he wasn't messing with anything volatile at the moment. "Come in!" He called, looking back down to the chopping board and carefully dicing more smurfroot.

"Hey, Alchy! I smurfed ya a surprise." The prankster grinned, holding up one of his yellow boxes wrapped with a red ribbon.

The potioneer huffed in annoyance. "If you think I'll smurf for that old gag you're sadly missmurfen." He knew about the mild compulsion spell put on the gift. He used it himself to keep smurfs away from his books and ingredient stores. How or where Jokey learned the magic was beyond him... as was how he managed to get around the spell and get into the ingredients.

"Aww. But you'll like this one! Smurf's honor!" Jokey grinned and offered the gift.

The dark-clad smurf only raised one eyebrow as he moved the smurfroot over to beside the cauldron. The gift-bearing smurf was the only regular visitor he had and the potioneer was used to his particular brand of chaos. They even collaborated on pranks, which worked well for him since the smurfs blamed the bomber.

"Ooo. What'cha smurfin?" Gift forgotten, the comedian looked at the assembled ingredients.

"A Pixie offered to smurf me a lot of ingredients in exchange for a love potion." Alchemist probably shouldn't have told the prankster that. If word got back to Papa that he was making deals with other fey races...

"And you've smurfed that before?" The bomber looked at him. Love potions were the pranking opportunity of a lifetime and he was suddenly eager to help... and maybe snag a vial for his own nefarious purposes.

"A few times. Enough that I smurf nothing will explode." The first time he'd tried to make one it did explode. He was very grateful that he'd been alone at the time.

"Can I smurf out?" Jokey tried to keep the scheming grin from his face. It was probably there though since the potioneer narrowed his eyes.

"I need your smurf that you'll never use one on me for any reason." The prankster started to say something but the other smurf wasn't finished. "And if you ever do I'll smurf you into a newt!"

He was serious then. The bomber gulped. "Sure. I smurf that I'll never smurf a love potion on you for any reason."

After a moment, Alchemist accepted. "Then we'll smurf now. Love potions are smurfed from 9 ingredients including the base." He lit the burner under the cauldron and dumped in the smurfroot. "Smurfroot works well for the base."

"Next, rose to smurf away inhibition." Jokey obligingly handed the potioneer the plate of red petals.

"Then honey, to smurf things sweet." The amber liquid changed the color of the potion to yellow. "And jasmine to smurf off a spark." That changed the color from a yellow to a warm brown.

Cinnamon was added for spice, then smurfmelon for passion. The potion took on a dark brown hue. Arugula was put in 'to kindle the flame', followed by a red pepper for 'fire'.

"And lastly, pomegranate for hidden desire and to smurf the brew." As Alchemist stirred, the potion took on a similar hue to the last fruit added in. Finally the brew took on an opalescent sheen and the potioneer removed the cauldron from the flame. "See? Simple." The smurf said as he killed the flame.

"Dangerously simple." Jokey agreed with a rather devious grin. Within a week he was sure he wouldn't be allowed to make a love potion ever again. It made him all warm with excitement. Wait... what? "Why do I smurf warm all of a sudden?" The prankster looked at the smurf beside him.

"It's just a smurf effect of the potion fumes. You can ignore it, it'll smurf off by dinnertime. It's not like being smurfed with the actual potion." He didn't care to mention what had happened during those hazy hours after that first potion had exploded on him.

"And what makes it smurf away besides time?" The bomber felt much the way he did around the smurfettes during spring time.

The brewer considered for a moment. He could try to scare his temporary assistant off and let him go bother somesmurf else, but if the comedian called his bluff... well, that idea didn't seem that horrible either. Win-win, for him at least.

"Smurfing."

Jokey chuckled. "You're joking right?"

Alchemist leaned towards the other smurf with a predatory grin. "I wouldn't smurf a joke about that. You're lucky the potion didn't explode, or we'd already be smurfing on the floor."

Smurfs were impulsive creatures, and Jokey smurf was perhaps one of the most impulsive. The prankster closed the small gap between them and planted his lips on the other smurf's. Instead of jerking back in surprise like the joker expected, the potioneer wrapped his arms around him and grinding their hips together. Breaking the kiss he panted, "I guess the joke's on me."

Alchemist hadn't let go yet. "Going to smurf away?" He'd have to let go if the comedian really wanted to leave.

"And miss all the fun? Not on your smurf." Boldly he kissed the potioneer again, this time grinding against him.

The brewer ran his hands down lower, squeezing both cheeks. Finally he pulled back. "Bed." Without waiting for an answer he scooped the prankster up and carried him across the room.

Jokey chuckled as he was deposited onto the bed. "You're smurfing like you've smurfed this before."

"Only to mysmurf." The caped smurf crawled towards his partner, then grabbed the waistband of the bomber's white pants. The white-clad smurf lifted his hips and let himself be devested. The potioneer was careful not to yank the other smurf's tail.

The comedian leaned forward and kissed the dark-clad smurf again. It was hard for Alchemist to concentrate on pulling off his own pants with his lips locked against the other smurf. Once naked he crawled over top of the prankster, pushing him slowly down onto the bed. He didn't break the kiss as he took Jokey's smurf in his hand.

Jokey moaned, then got an idea and pushed his tongue against his lover's lips. The potioneer opened his mouth and deepened the kiss. That stifled a few of the moans the joker let out when the caped smurf pumped him experimentally. It only took a few fumbling tries for the moaning smurf to return the favor, taking hold of the brewer's smurf and moving his hand slowly up and down.

Finally Alchemist had to break the kiss. "Ah, faster!" He moaned and nearly lost his own rhythm when his lover obliged. They were both panting as their pleasure built. The caped smurf captured his partner's lips again, growling.

The comedian began to buck his hips as he came closer to his finish. His hand started to jerk his lover's member roughly. The potioneer hissed and pulled away, slowing his own pumping.

"Don't stop! Please!" Jokey pleaded. He was close, so close.

Figuring it would be better to let his partner touch him when he wasn't so distracted, the brewer sat back, pumping his hand and watching the smurf come undone. It was a slight rush to see Jokey lying there, moaning and clutching at the covers. It was a kind of power. He saw his lover tense, felt the twitching of his smurf as a few more pumps produced a slightly white liquid that splattered onto the comedian's blue stomach and chest.

It took the joker a few moments to recover. "Kinda... lost it there. Sorry." He propped himself up on his elbows looking first at his own seed and then at Alchemist's still erect smurf. He had another idea and grinned.

"Are you going to smurf there or help me?" The caped smurf sat back, letting his erection jut out for emphasis.

Jokey wiped the cum from his stomach, cupping it into his hand. Without any warning he rubbed it onto his partner's member.

The potioneer gasped. "What are you smurfing?" The slick sensation was amazing. He could only watch as his lover straddled him and slowly started to impale himself.

The prankster chuckled. "S-surprise." He was still taking him in, bit by bit.

"This is torture." Alchemist moaned. From the way his partner was flushed, it wouldn't be a good idea to speed things along himself. But the heat and the tightness made him want to start thrusting.

"Let's see you put a smurf in your smurf any faster. Heh-heh." Finally he'd pushed himself all the way down. Instead of moving right away, he pulled his lover into another kiss.

Slowly Jokey moved his hips, stifling the potioneer's moan with his mouth. He started rocking, the thrusting motion driving his partner in and out of him. The prankster wrapped his arms around the caped smurf's neck, finding a rhythm.

Alchemist had to break the kiss to suck in air. "This... feels amazing." He moaned between pants.

"Mmm, feels pretty smurfy this. Way. Too." The comedian rocked faster, he was starting to get hard again. The potioneer leaned forward, pressing their chests together and wrapping his arms low, gripping the other smurf's rear.

Emboldened by the faster pace, the brewer started to buck his hips along with his lover. He wanted more. He moved his arms and rolled them both so that Jokey was on his back again. The caped smurf gripped his lover's hips and started to thrust.

Any jokes that had been on the prankster's mind were lost in the haze of pleasure that overwhelmed him again. He was aware of crying out. Of pleasure mixed with a small amount of pain from the hard thrusts that filled him and pulled out only to repeat.

Alchemist was growling, losing himself in the primal sensations. The heat and the squeeze of the comedian's body were driving him on, driving him closer to release.

Jokey's hands found their way to his lover's legs and he grabbed them, pulling him in with each thrust. "Come on! I want it!" Caught up in the moment, he didn't realize the effect of his words.

The potioneer's orgasm seemed to come from his toes and climb up to his spine as he came. "Mine." He growled. He pumped his seed into his lover.

"Yess!" The prankster hissed, coming for the second time. The caped smurf pulled out and lowered himself tiredly, laying on top of his partner and uncaring about the wet seed covering him.

Catching the bomber's chin with his hand, Alchemist pulled him into another kiss. The word 'mine' was echoing in his mind. Perhaps this time the bit of dragon left in his mind was right. He'd like to keep him.

Finally Jokey pulled away. "I wouldn't mind smurfing this more often." It was a bold statement that was more of a question.

"Tonight?" The caped smurf asked with a grin.

"Sounds like fun." The comedian chuckled. The comfortable silence stretched between them and he found himself nodding off.

The potioneer looked tired as well, but levered himself up. They were sweaty, sticky and a bit sore in places. "We should probably smurf up at the bath house."

A hot soak sounded heavenly to the prankster. "Smurfy idea. I'll go smurf my stuff."

Alchemist climbed off the bed to start pulling out clean clothes. "We can smurf up at the bath house in a few smurfs." He turned to see the bomber pulling on his pants. He located his own dark pants in a heap by the bed and picked them up.

Walking softly over, Jokey pulled his lover into a spooning hug and purred into his ear. "Smurf you in a little while."

The double entendre wasn't lost on the potioneer, who turned and captured the comedian's lips in another kiss. When he became aware that he was getting excited again, he pulled away. "Smurf you soon."

The bomber laughed, heading out to get his clothes and other bath items. Knowing him, he'd probably bring back another gift box. He eyed the yellow package on his workbench as he walked over.

Pointedly not touching it, he carefully ladled the contents of the cauldron into eight vials. After he corked them, he placed them on a small rack and then poured spring water into the cauldron to help dilute what little potion was left inside. He'd wash the thing out after dinner.

His eyes went to the package again as a sudden urge to open it took hold of him. Blast, his elbow was touching it! He knew what was likely to come and picked it up, carrying the box away from his fragile ingredients. Then he held the box away from his head, grabbed the ribbon and pulled.

Nothing happened.

Cautiously, he looked into the package. About a dozen smurfroot lay in the box. That likely meant some of his sulfur had gone 'missing' again. Jokey liked to trade ingredients and probably noted that he was low on the root when he took the sulfur. At least he could get the coal from Miner.

He huffed and grinned. The prankster wouldn't be a bad smurffriend, they were already friends after all.


	10. Ch 09: Stolen Moments

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Now I know why they call it a crack pairing. I can't help myself with Alchemist and Jokey. More Alkey smut this chapter, but it's not m/m. *Winks***

****Extra Warning: Explicit Sex this chapter. You have been warned.****

**Reviews- Lac Lausanne: I'm rather proud of how that turned out. :3 I've written m/f, m/f/f, and f/f, but that was my first m/m. And now I've got a crazy crackship stuck in my mind! X3**

Chapter 09: Stolen Moments

Vexy barreled into the mess hall, passing a pleased looking Huntress walking with Tracker. The former naughtie headed directly to Smurfette, grabbing her sister's shoulder.

"We really need to talk. Right now." She ignored the looks from Hefty and Gutsy. Brainy looked like he was about to say something but Smurfette stood and followed her dark haired sibling. They walked outside the log shaped building then around to the back. They wouldn't be overheard here.

"Is something wrong?" The blond asked worriedly.

"He kissed me, he kissed me, oh my smurf he kissed me!" Vexy blurted out.

Smurfette let out a girly squeal. "Oh smurfness! That's smurfy! What happened?" The younger created smurfette told how the riled grouch finally made a move. And then how they'd spent most of the time between lunch and dinner making out.

The blond hugged her sister. "That's smurftastic!" Letting go, she wondered out loud, "But where is Grouchy now?"

The dark haired smurfette blushed and scowled at the same time. "We were heading to dinner when a smurf just stops us on the path and hands off Baby to Grouchy. He's gone to Papa's. Said he needed to change her didey."

Smurfette narrowed her eyes. "I'll have to ask Mirror who he smurfed her to. That smurf couldn't have had her more than a few minutes." Papa had been clear that taking care of the baby would be all the smurfs responsibility, not just his or a choice few. It was quickly becoming apparent that some smurfs were not cut out for smurflingsitting.

"The strange thing is, Grouchy didn't seem to mind. He looked mad, sure, but he didn't tense up like he does when he really doesn't like something." Vexy commented.

The elder creation smiled. "From what I've smurfed about who's been watching Baby, Grouchy's smurfed her more than any other smurf."

Vexy smiled with a completely smitten expression. "And he'd just hate for anyone to know that, I'm sure."

Smurfette giggled. "So, are you two smurffriends now?"

"He'd hate for anyone to know that, too." The brunette chuckled. She was fine with waiting until the news naturally came out. "So when are you and Hefty...?"

The blond sighed. "I couldn't. I was smurfed by a spell at the time, but I recall every smurf's expression when I smurfed it'd be either Hefty or Handy. It hurt them. If only there were more smurfettes... I've smurfed for that so many times on my star."

"Well, we've got a few more. That new redhead and Sassette when she gets older." She didn't include herself for obvious reasons.

"Oh! And Medic. That dryad asked Papa if she could stay too." Smurfette supplied. "But really, I'd always smurfed for all of the smurfs to find love."

"Well, at least they'd leave us alone then." Vexy grinned.

"Vexy!" Her sister admonished, but the effect was lessened by her laughter.

"Let's head back. They're probably wondering where we are." The black-haired female lead the way back around and into the mess hall. Grouchy was sitting with Gutsy, Hefty, Brainy, and Clumsy. Baby was on his lap and he was feeding her pureed smurfberries. The child was shaking her head to try and get the spoon into her mouth, smearing smurfberry mush all over her face.

The smurfettes sat down beside their respective smurfs. The blond looked at the grump, who was spooning another bit of food into the smurfling's mouth.

"Grouchy, who smurfed Baby to you?" Smurfette asked.

"Liar." The ornery smurf rumbled. "Smurfed something about having a personal emergency that needed smurfing. Pretty sure that he's just smurfing up to his name." He managed to catch a bit of dribbled food from the child's chin and redirect it back to her mouth.

The blonde scowled. "I don't think Papa's plan is going to smurf out. There are just some smurfs that aren't cut out for smurflingsitting. To try and force it..." She didn't want to voice that it might be dangerous for Baby.

"You should smurf a list." Brainy advised. "That way other smurfs will know which smurfs would be unsmurfy at watching Baby."

"That's a smurfy idea, Brainy. I'll smurf on it in my spare time." Smurfette took a drink of water.

"Oh, allow me! I won't mind smurfing up a list right away." The bespectacled smurf offered. He created so many lists, in fact his quotations books were novel sized collections of lists.

"Thank you, Brainy." The florist smiled, the egotistical smurf puffed up with pride.

Baby sneezed, spraying slobber and mashed smurfberries all over Grouchy. Some splatter hit Vexy as well. The grump huffed, cracked a fleeting smile, and reached for a spare napkin to wipe the large glop off of his chest.

While the sourpuss was paying attention to cleaning up, he didn't notice Hefty's slackjawed stare or that Gutsy had paused with a bite of smurfberry casserole halfway to his mouth. The muscled smurf looked at Smurfette for an explanation and the female lifted a single finger to her lips. Calling the grouch out on his tolerant behavior might well make him fall back into old habits.

Little did they know, the behavior was reserved for only two smurfettes at the moment, the one he was feeding and the other that was cleaning the smurfberry mush off of herself by his side. Gutsy was trying to ask questions with hand gestures that the blond couldn't understand. When the elder creation mouthed 'later' very clearly, it seemed to mollify the four smurfs. Well, almost all. Brainy looked like he was about to explode with the questions rattling around in his head.

After getting himself reasonably clean, Grouchy tried to feed baby another spoonful of food. Instead of eating, she grabbed the spoon, squishing the food between her fingers. He picked up his own napkin and gently cleaned the infant's hand. She was probably full, so now he could eat. He started with the casserole, holding the child with one arm and eating with the other.

"So where's Papa?" The grump asked. This prompted Smurfette to fill him in on the elder's trip to the human wizard. That started the conversation back up at the table, that picked up more as the smurfs finished eating. The sourpuss smurf tried to feed the child a bit more after he was full, but she only wanted to play with the spoon.

"Baby needs a bath." The ornery smurf stood with the child in his arms, turning to leave.

"I'll walk with you." Vexy offered, standing up and following.

Brainy managed to wait until they were out of the door before verbally pouncing. "What's smurfing on?! I've never seen Grouchy smurf so... so... smurfy before!" He paused. "At least... not since he was smurfed by the purple fly."

"Maybe he's finally smurfin' over it, ya think?" Gutsy wondered out loud.

"It's been 43 years, maybe it smurfs off slowly?" Hefty speared a smurfberry with his fork but didn't bother eating it.

"46 actually." Brainy corrected. Beside him, Clumsy shuddered. If it weren't for a huge amount of luck, the entire village would have been lost. The intellectual and the klutz were the two youngest smurfs at the time, barely into adulthood. No matter their age, the smurfs in the village didn't like to talk about the events.

Their reluctance to talk of the issue left Smurfette at loose ends. She only caught snippets of what had happened, combined with a single article that Editor had printed after the disaster was over. It told the general tale and stressed keeping tuberose pollen on hand at all times.

The blond looked at the quiet table, wondering if now would be a good time to ask a few questions. "Grouchy was the first purple smurf?" She asked softly.

Hefty sighed. "He wasn't always smurfed Grouchy, ya know. He was Quiet smurf before. He was smurfed out into the forest to get some wood and got smurfed by a purple fly." The muscled smurf trailed off.

"Ye got te understand, Lass." Gutsy picked up the tale. "Grouchy was a purple smurf fer two days. In the end, he started ta... ta change. He was smarter than the rest of the infected smurfs by then. Smurfed himself blue with paint te disguise himself and fought Papa in his lab when he was tryin ta cure us. He's the one that smurfed Papa, and if it wasn't fer that explosion in the lab... we wouldna be here today."

Smurfette had never heard this side of the tale. It made sense now, why many of the smurfs didn't like to anger him. Not just because he could be ornery, but because there was likely a genuine fear from the whole incident... and maybe blame too. "What was it like?" She found herself asking at almost a whisper. Both the scotsmurf and Hefty looked at their plates, refusing to answer.

Clumsy hugged himself, rocking a bit. "It's like you're the maddest you've ever been. Ah ain't never been so mad before er since. All ya wanted to smurf was bite." His gentle southern accent came out more when he was upset or excited. "It was like smurfin' at yersmurf but you wutn't in control. An' you had to watch yersmurf... smurf things." Brainy pulled his friend into a hug, not bothering to call him out on his diction. Clumsy took a shuddering breath and clung to his best friend.

"As near as I could smurfmise after the fact," Briany began, still comforting Clumsy. "the disease was a fast acting one similar in nature to the foaming mouth disease that smurfs animals. We were lucky there was a cure, as I'm not sure if the end result of the purple disease would smurf the same as the foaming mouth disease." He grunted as Clumsy squeezed him tight for a moment. "However, given Grouchy's case... sometimes I wonder if we would have smurfed into something else." He didn't say that it was just as likely that the grump's case was unique, and the rest of them could have died from the disease. Being unable to feed one's self was a large inhibitor of survivability after all.

"I... I never knew." Smurfette finally said. "I'm sorry for smurfing up such unsmurfy memories."

"It's fine, Lass." Gutsy stood up. "Well, we've got our chores ta do and Greedy's already smurfing the tables. Think I'll see if Timber would smurf some help." The scotsmurf left after nodding his head at the table. Usually after dinner was time to split firewood just outside of the kitchens. The adventurer smurf felt like he needed to do something physical.

"I'm gonna smurf on Handy, see if he needs anythin." Hefty stood, but not before patting the blond's knee under the table. Knowing she was welcome to join him, Smurfette mumbled an excuse and hurried after him.

Clumsy finally let go, sitting back up with one arm gripping his other. "Ah don't think Ah'll be able ta sleep without a smurfmare t'night." He confessed. "Could Ah stay over?"

Brainy was secretly grateful for the question. "Of course. Let's go smurf your things."

**00000**

Wooly waited until Tracker and Huntress got up and left. So far, he had only told Herder about the puzzling statement. The aussie smurf tilted his head pointedly in the direction of the kitchens and the two stood and left.

"They're smurfing something." Fisher pointed out.

"Whatever they smurf or smurf out, we'll hear eventually." Hunter shrugged.

It was lucky for Wooly and Herder that the two smurfs at the table were among the most patient.

Leaving through the kitchens, the two smurfs spotted their quarry heading away. They were strolling and talking, making their way to Tracker's house. At one point the woodsmurf looked at the redhead, blushing.

"Wonder what's smurfin' on there." The cowsmurf whispered to is fellow stalker.

"No clue, mate." The shephard shrugged.

They tailed at a distance until the two had entered the mushroom shaped house. Then, jogging quickly, they headed towards an out of the way window, the one facing the wilderness instead of the village. Quietly settling themselves under the windowsill, they strained to listen.

"It won't be that bad." Huntress purred.

"It's not that. It's that smurfs talk. I'm worried they'll smurf out about you sooner than later." Tracker's voice moved from one point of the room to the other.

"All they'll see is that we're together. It's not like they'll suddenly see fur and claws." The female huffed. The two spies shared a confused look.

The woodsmurf sighed, close to the window. "So we're together? Smurffriends?"

The smurfette sounded frustrated. "Yes. I think so. Don't expect flowers and poetry... but I like you." She paused and Wooly gave Herder a wide-eyed look. Then she continued. "I saw that little smurf kit today and it made me wonder."

There was silence, then the female spoke again. "Well we've been mating and I don't know if female smurfs get pregnant like other creatures but it seems likely." Something fell to the floor with a clunk.

Both the eavesdropping smurfs jumped, then held their breaths for a few moments, hoping they hadn't given their positions away.

"Oh my smurf." Tracker muttered, something scraping along the floor as if he'd picked it up.

"How long do smurf kits stay helpless? It's more fun when they can romp around." Huntress asked.

"Ah..." Tracker's voice trailed off as he thought. "I was a smurfling of 50 when Brainy and Clumsy smurfed along... I resmurf them crawling before their first word ceremony. They were walking, or smurfing to, not long after. Perhaps less than four or five years?"

"That's not as bad as I thought. When Vanity said you were considered adults after your first century I was worried it'd take a few decades." The redhead's voice was relieved.

"You're not worried about... about smurfing a child?" Tracker asked hesitantly.

"Why would I be? I've had litters before." Under the sill, Herder made a confused face and mouthed 'litters?' to his fellow spy.

"...It's a bit sudden for me. To smurf I may be a father in the future." The woodsmurf confessed.

Huntress laughed. "It's not like you'd be the one giving birth. That's the hardest part." Her voice moved across the room. "And I've never had any help with up to five at a time. One or two would be easy."

"I'd be there to smurf out." The hunter assured her. Their voices were close to each other.

"You would, wouldn't you." The smurfette's voice sounded confident, affectionate.

"Azzy, I smurf you. Of course I'd smurf out with any children we had." There was a wet sound, but the two smurfs we're still trying to puzzle out the pet name.

A murmur was the only warning before footsteps crossed the room. More quickly than the two eavesdroppers could comprehend the shutters above their heads flew open.

They were caught. The pair had the decency to look embarrassed as Tracker narrowed his eyes. "I think you fellows had best smurf in here for a talk."

Sheepishly, the two stood and headed around the house to the door.

"That smurfed pear shaped quick." Herder quipped.

"Ya ain't just whistlin' dixie there." Wooly agreed.

The woodsmurf opened the door for them. There wasn't much to sit on so the smurfs stood. Huntress leaned against the bedpost, arms folded across her chest defensively.

"Let's smurf it, chaps." The hunter began.

"I'm sorry, Tracker. And Ma'am." Wooly began. "I shouldn't 'a been so smurfed up and nosey."

"Too right. Last thing we should've smurfed was to act like 'ol Stickybeak himself." The aussie smurf's nickname for Nosey was well known. "Sorry, Tracker, Shelia."

"How much did you hear?" Huntress asked. It was obvious it was quite a bit when both smurfs blushed.

"Ya'll are... smurffriends a-nd were smurfin' about youngins." The cowsmurf said nervously.

"So pretty much since we smurfed through the door." Tracker resisted the urge to rub that tense spot between his eyebrows.

"You smurfed you had litters." The jackaroo smurf added. "And he smurfed ya Azzy." Realization hit Herder like a smurfball to the head. Claws. Fur. Litters. Azzy. His mouth dropped and he looked back and forth between the woodsmurf and smurfette.

"You smurfy there, pardner?" Wooly asked, still trying to puzzle out what was going on. The redhead shifted uneasily.

The hunter watched the shepherd carefully. He was sure he'd realized. But just how would he react?

"Azrael didn't smurf did she, Shelia?" Herder asked quietly.

Wooly jerked as he realized. "Ho-ly Smurf. **Yer** Azrael?!"

The female looked at the woodsmurf before she sighed. "Yes." Both cowsmurf and shepherd looked at each other in shock.

Finally, the wool gatherer spoke. "Does Papa know?"

"I smurfed him as soon as I found out." Tracker answered.

"Crikey." The aussie smurf rubbed the back of his head. "And he's let her smurf here then." He looked back at the woodsmurf as if the thought just occurred to him. "And you two have been rootin for smurf's sake."

The smurfs blushed, followed by the smurfette when she finally picked up on the context of what 'rooting' meant. The uncomfortable silence stretched out for more than a minute.

"I cain't smurf I like it. But Papa's smurfed his decision and more importantly, I trust ya, Tracker. Yer a level-headed smurf." Wooly glanced at the redhead. "If ya behave, ah... Huntress, I'm sure most of the smurfs won't smurf out."

Herder made a noise of disbelief. "Timber. Don't smurf Timber."

"Whoo doggies..." The cowsmurf agreed. "Or Suspicious."

"I wasn't smurfing on telling anysmurf." Tracker said blandly. "So long as Papa lets it lie, we're smurfing quiet."

"Crystal clear, mate. We won't dob ya in." Herder assured them.

Beside him, the wool gatherer shook his head in agreement. "Ya really should smurf Hunter though. He's yer best friend, fer smurfin' out loud."

The woodsmurf looked down. It was Azzy's tale to tell, but the smurf did want to fill in his best friend. "Probably." He'd have to talk it over with the smurfette beside him. He looked at her. The conversation trailed off.

"We should smurf ourselves out." Wooly began to head to the door. "Sorry again ya'll."

"G'night. ...And sorry mates." The aussie smurf waved as they left.

"Goodnight." Tracker called as the door closed. He sighed. "Bloody hell." The woodsmurf gave in to temptation and rubbed the tense part between his brows.

"They'll keep their word, right?" Huntress asked, walking over to where her mate stood.

"Yes, they're among the smurfs who smurf their word as bond." The woodsmurf looked at her. "I'm sorry, love."

The smurfette looked at him confused. "Why are you sorry?"

"Last night after that hunt, after you smurfed off to bed, Wooly saw me staring and joked about spring fever. I smurfed him 'you have no idea'. It likely smurfed his curiosity and that led to this." The smurf wrapped his arms around his smurffriend.

The former feline snorted. "Neither of us can watch what we say all the time. That's why I'm trying to find new skills. Maybe if I make myself useful I'll get to stay."

"If you're exiled Azzy, know I'll smurf with you." The bloodhound smurf cupped her chin in his hand. The smurfette closed the gap between them, kissing him. He inhaled her scent, just like he did before when he noticed the strong scent of his two friends nearby. This time it was only himself and the redhead and their arousal between them. He was getting dizzy before they broke apart, unsure if it was the need for air or his blood going south.

"How about that shower at my place?" Huntress purred. When she had suggested it earlier they were outside and her mate had blushed an interesting shade of purple.

"Lead the way, love." Tracker murmured. He reluctantly pulled away, picking up the basket he'd dropped earlier full of his bath items and clothes. At least concealed that way it would only look like he was carrying smurfberries or something for her. It also helped that it would conceal the bulge in his pants until he calmed down or got to the apartment.

The redhead gave him a cheshire grin and took his hand, leading them out of the house.

**00000 ***Extra Warning: Genderbent F/F sex ahead! Skip to next scene if you dislike it.*****

Alchemist's stomach growled. It was dinner time and the bell had rang. But she couldn't really go to the mess hall at the moment. So far her calculations to reverse the gender swap hadn't worked. She rubbed a hand down her face, frustrated.

Jokey burst through the door, laughing. "Heya Alchy, ya smurfy?" He carried a basket of smurfberries in the crook of one arm. "I smurfed ya some food!"

The demolition smurf plopped the basket on the table before he turned to look at the potioneer.

Alchemist had been frozen. Jokey would notice, she was sure. At least she still had her cape neatly tied around her chest. She'd folded it up to better secure it earlier and it now looked more like one of Smurfette's bathing suit tops than anything else.

The comedian burst out laughing. "What did you smurf?" Oh yes, he'd noticed.

The brewer waved a hand dismissively. "A potion had a few unexpected smurf effects, nothing I can't fix." Blast it all, why did she have to sound to feminine?

"And now you're a smurfette? That's too funny!" The prankster clutched at his sides, guffawing.

The potioneer abandoned her sheet of calculations in favor of heading to the table to grab some food. "Smurfier than a few of my other accidents."

Jokey sobered a bit, the possibility of accidents was why the smurf checked in at least twice a day. "Yeah." He spied the likely potion still sitting on the workbench. "So what's it like smurfing a smurfette?"

"Not much difference that I can smurf." Alchemist took a bite of smurfberry, not noticing that the prankster was edging towards the workbench. "Except I have to smurf my chest."

"So is it resmurfable?" That thought made him hesitate. He'd already picked up a small vial to put some in, gleeful pranks forming in his mind.

"Not yet. I haven't worked out which base would smurf best with the Antimony first. It's a very smurfticular element." She hungrily ate another berry.

"Would it smurf Smurfette or Vexy into a smurf?" The prankster was now staring at the neutral grey solution in the cauldron.

The smurfette stopped mid-chew. Running a simple calculation in her head she finally swallowed and answered. "Pretty likely. I haven't smurfed the formula on that possibility." Actually, if it could... could the poison also be the cure?

Oh boy. The prankster grinned. Now he just -had- to try some on somesmurf. Quickly, he dipped the vial into cauldron and pulled it out, corking it.

"Jokey, what are you smurfing?!" Alchemist had finally noticed that the bomber had moved.

The smurf smiled innocently and palmed the vial into his pocket. A sudden bee sting feeling in his hand told him he'd accidentally touched some of the liquid. "Uh-oh."

You didn't smurf it did you? That potion made me-" The smurfette never got to finish her sentence. Jokey passed out and fell to the ground. "Oh smurf it all!"

Sighing, the smurfette wrapped her arms around her smurffriend and dragged him to her bed. She lit a candle at the bedside, wondering how long the smurf would be out as he transformed. Humming in thought she went to collect more paper and her ink and quill. Observing the transformation would be handy. After the prankster smurf woke up, she might get volunteered as a test subject to see if it did indeed work in reverse. Or at least the bomber could help her observing anything that happened when she tried touching the solution again...

Alchemist grinned as she pulled off the prankster's hat. Already a soft down of fuzz was growing. Unable to resist, the smurfette rubbed the transforming smurf's head affectionately. Noting the change down she chuckled at the soon to be redhead. Checking her impromptu patient again, she headed back to the table to pick up the basket of smurfberries. At least she wouldn't go hungry.

Three hours later the sun had set and Jokey started to stir. She blinked and wondered why she was in a bed covered up. Oh yeah. The potion. The smurfette giggled, then laughed at how girly her voice sounded.

"Good, you're up." Alchemist sat up from being bent over a stack of papers. The calculations said that it was almost assured that touching the solution again would work. She watched as the other smurfette sat up and the cover fell down from her chest. "Let me get something for you to smurf on your chest."

"Wha?" The prankster looked down. "What's wrong with my... Oh smurf!" She prodded at her new additions. Smurfettes were typically much smaller in bust than humans, but they still had them. A spare cape hit the sitting smurfette in the head.

"Yeah. I know pixies and faeries have those, but it just seems odd for a smurfette to smurf them." The potioneer said, glancing at the redhead. "Male smurfs don't even -have- the dark parts like other males do." She forgot what those were called... bipples? That sounded about right.

"Hey... Baby doesn't have these. What's smurfing on with that?" Jokey was still messing with the cape to tie it around her chest.

"No smurf." Alchemist shrugged. "All of the adult smurfettes seem to smurf up their chests for some reason though." She crossed the room and held out her hand. "Here, let me smurf you."

The prankster chuckled, enjoying the proximity of her smurffriend. "I wouldn't mind a little smurf right now." She grinned lecherously.

"Be serious, Jokey." The potioneer blushed as she finished folding the impromptu top and tied it on.

"It's not a joke." The redhead pulled the other smurfette down into a kiss. The dark clad female responded, wrapping her arms around her lover.

"You're incorrigible." Alchemist finally murmured when they broke apart. While the two had been friends for years, their relationship had jumped to something more in just the past month.

"And you smurf it." The prankster grinned, running her hand down into the other smurfette's navy colored pants. She listened to the gasps as she explored.

The brewer started trying to pull off her pants. The attempt spurred them both into pulling off their clothing as quickly as possible before they pulled each other close and kissed again.

Jokey pulled away, looking at her lover. "Hey, look, they smurfed smaller." She rubbed the pad of her thumb over the dark haired smurfette's hardened nipple.

The dark haired smurfette hummed in pleasure. "That feels smurfy." She eyed her lover's chest. "Yours are smurfed too." Getting an idea she leaned forward and licked one dark blue circle.

The redhead squealed and pulled away laughing. "That tickles!"

With a gleam in her eye, Alchemist pinned her partner down licked her breasts several times. Peals of laughter turned to moans when the brunette took one point into her mouth and sucked. She decided the prankster was enjoying this when the redhead arched her back. Her hand went to the other breast and squeezed gently.

"Smurfness." The comedian gasped. If it was one thing that excited the potioneer, it was how reactive her partner was. Just like the yellow gift boxes Jokey gave away, the smurf seemed ready to explode with the slightest touch. Alchemist ran her free hand down her lover's side, stopping between the redhead's legs to do some exploring of her own.

"Ah!" As soon as she was touched, the bomber called out before trailing into a moan. Her hands fisted into the covers.

The brunette let go of her partner's nipple, licking it slowly before grinning. "Mm. My Jokey. Let's smurf how your treasure has changed." She pulled away, leaving a trembling smurfette to watch her settle down between her thighs. At some point the prankster had caught on to Alchemist's use of the word 'mine' when they made love. It had turned into a term of endearment.

While Papa tried, you couldn't teach what you really didn't know. It was more than a 'hole' as described. The potioneer wondered what the little nub was for and touched it gently. The redhead cried out and lifted her hips into the contact. A little motion gave her even more reaction.

"More!" Jokey cried. The brunette started with gentle motions. It felt like electric shocks traveled from the point of touch to throughout her body. Suddenly warmth surrounded the tiny point and the shocks turned into a constant current of pleasure.

It wasn't much different than sucking on the nipple, though this brought such a strong reaction. It pleased Alchemist to no end. Watching her lover's hands alternate between grasping at the blanket and just making fists, she prodded the redhead's entrance with a finger. It was wet and as the digit slid inside the smurfette's hips bucked.

"So smurfy, ohh!" The bomber trailed off into incoherence punctuated with moans and gasps. She felt as if every muscle in her body was starting to tense up. The sensations only doubled when her lover began to pump her finger in and out of her.

The potioneer knew she was on to something when the comedian started panting in time to her thrusting hand. While she wasn't at a very good angle, she enjoyed the show. This was her mate, hers.

'Mine' the dragon repeated.

"Moremoremore-" Jokey started repeating the word, her voice going up higher as she came closer to falling over the edge.

Alchemist started to move her hand faster.

Suddenly all movement from the redhead stopped as she went rigid, her mouth open in a silent scream. The only movement the potioneer could feel was the clenching of the prankster's inner walls with her finger as she moved it inside her lover. As she relaxed, the brewer removed her digit.

It was a few moments before the comedian recovered and spoke. "I smurf my brain just exploded." She giggled.

The brunette examined her wet finger before licking it clean. "You smurfed for it." The other smurfette giggled again.

Finally recovered, the redhead sat up. "Oh Alchy." It was the sultry tone that made the brewer pay attention. Jokey was moving closer, face flushed from her orgasm.

The prankster smiled. "It's your turn." Alchemist allowed herself to be pulled into a kiss, leaning back against the headboard. Both of the redhead's hands fondled her breasts, sending pleasant sensations that seemed to head to her groin. It was an alien feeling that created a conflicting sort of excitement and trepidation.

Finally the comedian pulled back. There were so many things she wanted to try. Finally deciding she started by nibbling on the potioneer's neck, it was one of the little discoveries Jokey found that really turned her lover on.

The brunette moaned, tilting her head and leaning towards the touch. It was something familiar and welcome and she reveled in the pleasure. Her arms wrapped around the prankster, wanting to touch her in return.

The bomber trailed a hand down gently tracing a finger over Alchemist's folds. She enjoyed the gasps as she kissed a trail downward and took a nipple into her mouth to suck gently.

"Hah!" The potioneer panted. One of her lover's fingers had slipped inside of her, palm rubbing against her sensitive spot as the redhead started pumping. The sight as she looked down only showed her the mass of red curls and the other smurfette's back, her tail twitching in excitement. A sudden need for more contact had her raising her hips up.

Jokey let go of the breast with a gentle pop. "I smurf you want a little more." She purred, teasingly slowing her hand.

"Yes." She managed, the brunette looking at the prankster. He... -no she at the moment, she corrected herself- liked to tease, elicit reactions.

The redhead moved them both backwards, so that her lover was lying flat. Then she lay between her legs and took a moment to look at the unfamiliar parts. She started licking, her digit sliding back into the brewer's warmth. At her partner's whine, she started sucking on the little button.

Alchemist felt like a potion beginning to boil. The intense feeling burned brighter in her stomach. She was sure it was leading up to a release, but wasn't sure she could be pushed any farther.

"More." The potioneer wasn't sure what she wanted.

The bomber had to fight a grin. Her mouth was a bit busy at the moment. She increased the pace of her pumping. Her lover lifted her hips again, suddenly, and one of her fingers hit the lower hole.

"Ah! Yes!" The reaction was immediate, the brunette gripped the pillow above her head. "Smurf me there too!"

Jokey couldn't fight the grin this time, pulling out her finger momentarily to dip her thumb into the damp folds. With a chuckle, she slid her finger back in place and pressed her thumb slowly into her lover's rear. A few slow pumps and soon she increased her pace and had the other smurfette panting.

The dark haired smurfette was cresting, crying out her partner's name like a mantra. The prankster enjoyed it when Alchemist finally started making noise, even though it was usually towards the end of things. The mantra always flowed from 'Jokey' to 'My Jokey' to 'Mine' and then into incoherent growling. Come to think of it, Alchy wasn't growling like usual.

The build wasn't stopping and she wasn't sure she wanted it to. She felt like she was boiling, her entire body condensing into a fine point. 'Mine' the dragon started. She started repeating it, the boiling getting stronger. If she was a potion she'd be going critical.

She exploded, crying out wordlessly as her body tensed from her climax. She twitched as she came down, unable to form coherent thoughts for the moment.

"Smurfs like your brain exploded, too." Jokey giggled. She curled herself around her smurffriend, snuggling.

Alchemist nuzzled her lover back, lethargically wrapping her arms around her. "My Jokey. I smurf you."

The redhead gave the brunette a squeeze. "I smurf you, too Alchy."

A few moments of silence passed, night had already fallen and the candle was sputtering on the nearby nightstand. It was getting cool and the two smurfs shivered.

"I think we should smurf under the covers." The bomber suggested.

"Should we smurf the potion again? The calculations say it should transmurf us back." The potioneer untangled herself from her smurffriend and moved off the bed so the covers could be pulled down.

"I know you wanna smurf it a try." The prankster watched the other female walk over to the work table and select a dropper. She pulled the covers down and hopped into the bed.

Alchemist walked quickly back towards the bed, dropper in hand. It was a bit too cold to be casually walking about. "Who first?"

"Rock, Stick, Pond?" The comedian suggested. It was a game similar to rock, paper, scissors. Rock broke stick, stick floated on pond, pond swallowed rock. The only difference was that instead of two fingers stuck out for scissors, a single finger represented the stick.

"Ok. Loser first." The potioneer counted and they threw their hands out in time. The bomber's stick beat her pond.

They climbed into the bed, the brunette placing a few drops into her hand. Just like the first time, the bee sting feeling came followed by dizziness. "It smurfs." She managed before falling back onto the pillow.

Jokey picked up the dropper and set it on the nightstand before watching the change in the dimming light of the fading candle. Already, the dark haired smurfette's breasts were flattening, the nipples seeming to fade back into regular skin.

The prankster grinned. She wouldn't use the dropper just yet. It'd be fun to surprise her smurffriend in the morning. She blew out the candle and sat the dropper beside the holder. Wriggling down into the covers, she snuggled up to the transforming smurf.

They both slept until morning.

**00000**

Scaredy shook as he opened the door. Tonight was going to be a bad night, he was sure. Panicky had decided to sleep over at Weepy's, leaving him without anyone to ask. He didn't blame the other smurfs for avoiding him when he asked -no begged- them to keep him company. His night terrors were unnerving to witness. He couldn't be awoken, clawing at his bed and whimpering. At least he didn't scream, he thought.

And the night terrors were far better than visits from IT.

He didn't remember the night terrors, but he did remember visits from the shadow. It flitted across his walls sometimes, looking deceivingly benign. But then nights like this... nights when he was all alone and didn't have anyone to witness or help him, the shadow came.

It always started the same, he would wake up unable to move, unable to scream. The crushing weight on his chest would begin right after, along with a grinding kind of murmur that echoed in his mind. He could only scream in his head, loud and shrill, as whatever the thing was did whatever it did.

When it seemed like his heart would finally give out, the weight would suddenly vanish, the shadow flitting back across the walls and out the window.

It wasn't smurfy, whatever it was. The presence, especially when it was sitting or pressing on his chest or whatever it did, felt horrible, angry. What he'd done to it he had no idea...

What he could have done to start those visits when he was a smurfling he couldn't fathom.

He shook as he lit the candle sitting by the door. "S-smurfness, p-p-please don't let it smurf here t-tonight." He begged out loud.

He'd told Papa about it. Of course he did. As a smurfling he told him about every visit. Papa would sit with him on some nights, but eventually the elder wrote the incidents off as a strange nightmare. His spells showed no curse, no enchantment that could have done it and the bearded smurf had went so far as to place protection charms on the windows and door.

It still got in. It still didn't stop, but Papa didn't understand. Eventually Scaredy stopped telling him about it. At one point he was desperate enough to sneak into other smurfs houses to curl up beside their beds. That worked well enough (despite the complaints) until the thing happened to find him at Lazy's one evening.

It seemed to linger near the other smurf after it was done with him, like it was considering doing the same thing to poor Lazy. It horrified the frightened smurf and he stopped his uninvited slumber parties. It was also the only time the shadow had attacked him with another smurf in the room.

Scaredy shook as he slipped into his nightshirt and cap. Crossing the room to his bed he jumped when a floorboard creaked, darting so quickly to the bed that his candle nearly snuffed itself out. On the safety of the mattress, he placed the candle carefully into the wide holder meant to let one burn all the way down. He'd leave it burning for as long as it would burn.

He burrowed underneath his covers, trembling and hiding like a smurfling. He curled around an extra pillow with his back against the wall. He was one of the few smurfs that had his bed pushed up against a wall. It made him feel just a little safer... at least, it was instinctually defensive.

He stayed under the covers until fear of what might be happening without him watching made him poke his head out. Seeing the same old room, lit dimly in the light of the candle assuaged that fear.

He watched the room until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, drifting off to sleep curled against the wall.

**00000**

It was after midnight, the only smurf awake was Harmony; who was sitting in the watchtower. The trumpeter didn't notice the light dusting of powder float to hover over his head. His eyes drooped and his head nodded. He tried to fight it, brows furrowing in confusion when he couldn't.

Too late, he realized the danger and made an abortive attempt to blow his horn. The instrument made it to his lips but his head tipped back, rested on the chair, and he fell asleep. The tone-deaf smurf's hand fell limp to the side, still clutching the brass of his horn.

Below, a cloaked figure listened, waiting. Upon hearing the snores, a large sack of powder was produced from somewhere under the concealing robe. The being set to work, carefully sprinkling powder in an enormous circle around the village. It took over an hour to carefully pace the perimeter. Once done the circle thrummed to life, glowing with a bright blue-green hue for a moment before settling into an eerie glow.

Hurrying, the cloaked figure climbed to the tallest point, the roof of the south building. In the haste to climb, the hood blew back in the wind, revealing a smurf. The smurf had on a black smurf hat, but otherwise looked to be Papa Smurf's twin. Finishing the climb, the smurf pulled himself up onto the roof.

He pulled out a mirror and sprinkled more magic dust onto it, then held the item aloft. Part of the circle could be seen glowing in a pulsating manner as if responding to the magic in the mirror.

Finally ready, he began to chant:

_Mirror, Mirror, in my hand_  
_observe the inhabitants of this land;_  
_Alter egos you'll now create_  
_To come to life in my mark-ed place!_  
_No longer kind will these fetchlings be,_  
_But cruel and loving misery!_  
_And while they live to cause smurfs grief_  
_Loyal they'll be to me, their Great Chief!_  
_Copy the buildings and in the morn_  
_So shall the Evil Smurf Village be born!_

The energy swelled, flowing upward from the mirror as the circle around the village created a shimmering dome of pale light. The magic of the spell began to swirl, flowing downward and touching everything within. In the smurf houses, smurfs twitched in their sleep as the energy washed over them (or in Scaredy's case jerked awake and terrified).

The magic flowed quickly inward once it reached the ground, coalescing into a ball. The orb then shot into the sky, streaking off to the northeast. The Papa clone grinned. This would be glorious.

The smurf quickly climbed back down, running off into the night beyond the veil.

He would finally have his revenge!


	11. Ch 10: Distractions

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**-This chapter is partly named because the crackship Alkey tried to take it over. But! No smut this chapter. XD**

**Reviews: Lac Lausanne- *Innocent look* I have no idea who you're talking about. X3**

Chapter 10: Distractions

The ride to Homnibus's wasn't long, thanks to Bayard. Still, by the end Samuel was bent over the safety rope and there was likely a mess to be cleaned off the poor horse's coat.

"It's like riding on a ship when you're this small. A fast -ugh- fast ship." The motion sick smurf groaned. Lars was rubbing his back, trying to get him to feel better.

"We're here at last." Johan commented as the white stallion finished trotting up to the house. "Woah, Bayard!"

Papa tied the rope to the chest before he, Johan, and Finn lowered it carefully to the ground. Peewit went down to untie the rope, then Biquette was lowered. The nanny didn't like the sensation of falling, even if it was slowly, and bleated pitifully until Bayard turned and nosed her reassuringly. The goat calmed and was quiet the rest of the way down to the ground. After she was released from the ropes, she gave herself a good shake and started munching on a large blade of grass.

The smurfs slid down the rope, pulling the trunk to rest at the stoop of the house. The red-clad elder hopped up onto an open windowsill. "Homnibus! We have arrived!" He called out.

"Ah, Papa Smurf, come in, come in!" The old wizard was hard at work on a potion, carefully mixing something from a bottle into the brew.

"Have you started without me, old friend?" The elder smurf teased. The other smurfs followed his lead, coming through the window.

"I'm afraid not, though I'm almost done with this." He gave the potion a final stir. "Norman Jensen stopped by, his mother has taken a turn for the worse and he was desperate to get her some aid."

"Norman!" Quintz cried out. "My God. My wife!" The human wizard squinted at the smurf.

"Great Scott, Quintz Jensen? How on earth did you come to be a smurf?" Homnibus queried in shock. He remembered the potion and removed it from the flame before it could burn.

"Doing something I wasn't proud of." The former human answered cryptically. "But prey tell me, how was Norman, and what did he say of Muriel?"

"The lad appeared fine. It's been a while since I've seen him and he's grown into a fine young man, though he was certain his mother had the ague again. That's the remedy I'm brewing. It will ease her symptoms and speed recovery."

The smurf held his head in his hands. "I've been gone too long." He trailed off, then looked up suddenly. "Tell me Homnibus, would there be a way to truly cure Muriel? She's been so sickly for so long... That traveling doctor promised a cure. A real cure. I'm starting to think I've been taken for a rube." And what was worse, he was desperate enough to take to crime for a false hope.

"I'm sorry Quintz, some folks are born more frail than others." Homnibus watched the smurf sag down on the table. "But I know this, were it not for your dedication and love, I'm sure Muriel would have passed on long ago. you should go see her." The wizard ladled the remedy into a vial. "And while you're at it, give her this."

The smurf picked up the vial, though it looked more like a log in his arms. "Thank you." His voice cracked with emotion.

"Papa Smurf, if you have no need of us yet, we can visit the Jensen farm and be back before nightfall." Finn looked at the smurf elder.

"I think that would be perfectly smurfy, Finn." The bearded smurf replied.

After Johan offered the use of Bayard, Samuel declared he'd stay behind. "Better a test subject than that sickness again." He grumbled.

Homnibus called to his adopted child and assistant, Justin. The youth followed the knight's instructions and pulled the stallion's tack off, giving him a quick brush before helping the smurfs up. They were easily able to hang on to the fur along the white horse's back. Bayard seemed much more comfortable with the situation as well.

Johan and Peewit perched on the horse's head, the miniature knight controlling the horse from there. Off they galloped, heading south towards the Jensen family lands.

The ride was uneventful, though had any passers-by come upon a lone horse galloping down the road they would have been curious to say the least.

"There it is, my house!" Quintz called from Bayard's back, holding on to two long strands of mane as if they were reigns. The vial had been tied securely to his back to leave his arms free.

The horse cantered to a stop, lowering his head and letting the smurfs climb down along his neck.

"There's a strange horse outside!" Came a boy's call from within the house.

"Stay here, I'll see what's going on." Came the reply of a youthful male voice.

The door opened, cracking barely enough to see the strange white horse grazing obliviously near the door. It opened wider, showing a youthful man who was just entering adulthood.

"Norman!" Quintz called out.

The brown haired human looked around in confusion. He'd heard his father but couldn't see him. Then the cry came again and he looked down. He stared wide-eyed at the five smurfs before him.

"Norman, it's me, your father." Quintz walked forward.

"Father?!" The young man knelt down to look at the fey. Recognizing him as only those who live closely together can, the youth gasped. "So this is why you've been gone for so long?"

"It's a long story, my boy. But if not for Enchanter Homnibus, I'd not be here now, nor with this." The smurf pulled the vial from off his back, offering it to his son. "It's a remedy for your mother."

"Oh! Bless Mr. Homnibus!" Norman sighed in relief, accepting the vial. Please, come in, all of you. I'm sure Laura in particular would be delighted to hear your tale."

"Norman, who was it?" A boy of about ten asked. He looked much like his older brother, though freckles speckled his face.

"Not was, is. Father's returned, though I think he's had a bit of an accident." The older brother gestured to their tiny guests.

"Blue elves!" The child wasn't above dropping to the floor and laying on his belly in front of the former humans. "Father! I know your clothes! You're back!" The farmer smurf could only huff in surprise as the boy scooped him up and cuddled him gently to his cheek in an odd hug.

Quintz wrapped his arms as best he could around his youngest child's face. Lars clapped a hand on his brother's shoulder, he and Finn sharing a look. They knew the joy of being reunited with family. Norman left to give the remedy to his mother and tell her and his sister of their strange guests.

The clomping of feet from the back room soon came as Laura ran from the bedroom. "Father!" She called, before stopping short at the sight near the door.

"Smurfs!" The girl cried happily. "I thought I'd never see smurfs again!" The redhead looked at the one hugging her brother. "F-Father?" She stammered.

"Aye my girl. It's me." Quintz said as Henry finally let him go. "I can finally admit your blue elves are real."

The girl knelt down, sitting primly on the floor. Holding out her hands, she watched her transformed father walk up onto them and picked him up gently. "How on earth did you get changed into a Smurf, father?"

"And who are the rest of you?" The boy asked the smurfs from the floor.

"I think Mother would like to hear this too." Norman suggested, leaning on the door to the bedroom.

"Oh yes! Come see Mother, she'll enjoy it so!" Laura stood, holding her hand to steady her father as she darted back into the bedroom. Henry jumped up and ran after his sister. The others made their way into the bedroom at a more sedate pace.

The bedroom was cozy and in the bed sat a redheaded woman who looked much like Laura. Her face was pale and her eyes shadowed with battles fought with illness. Her expression was currently one of amazement, on her lap before her was her transformed husband. Her daughter had deposited him just moments before and now sat at the foot of the bed. Henry had crawled onto the other side of the bed, sitting beside his mother.

The eldest of the Jensen children pulled a nightstand close to the bed and helped the humans turned smurf up onto the wooden platform.

"Quintz... how?" Muriel finally managed.

"It was the work of an evil wizard named Gargamel the Great. He changed myself and three others and stuck us in a torturous magical cage. Thankfully, he is no more thanks to Sir Johan of Lemaire's Court." The smurf gestured his hand towards the bandanna wearing smurf.

"You're a knight!?" Henry chirped excitedly from the bed, his face lighting up in childish glee.

"Indeed." Johan answered, bowing. "And this is my friend and the King's jester, Peewit." He introduced, gesturing to his short statured friend.

"And who might you two fellows be?" Laura asked, looking at the former bandits left.

"They're -oomph." Johan had to clap his hand over Peewit's mouth, stifling the dwarf.

"Let them introduce themselves, please." The miniature knight murmured to his friend. The jester scowled, but said nothing when the hand was removed.

"We're bakers currently in search of work." Finn answered. "I am Finn and this is my brother Lars." The children didn't need to be told that they were moonlighting as highwaymen, especially not to sully the name of their father. And his wife seemed like she would blow away in a stiff wind, better to tell her after she had recovered.

"Did you get to meet the other smurfs, and Smurfette?" Laura hadn't seen the golden haired 'elf princess' since she was a child of 6, when she was captured by an old hermit in the woods.

"We met so many smurfs, there had to be near a gross of them. Their leader, who calls himself Papa Smurf, even dined with us. Smurfette was there too." Quintz supplied, gesturing with his hands as he began to tell his tale. Lars broke in once to praise Jokey smurf in particular for his sense of humor, which led to an explanation of smurf names and the culture that the former humans saw during their short stay.

Johan and Peewit divulged their long standing friendship with the smurfs and the two were full of adventures; telling of times when the little blue people were pivotal in saving the day.

"My stars, the sun is setting!" Finn pointed at the curtained window, where the purple glow of twilight could be seen.

"Oh dear, we told Homnibus and Papa Smurf we would be back by nightfall." Johan sighed.

"Then you should make haste. The sooner you get back there, the sooner you can be changed back." Muriel smiled at her tiny husband. "Though you do look rather cute in blue, Quintz."

The smurf blushed. "We'll be back as soon as we can, my little bird."

Norman carefully carried Peewit, Lars, and Finn out to where Bayard was grazing. Henry begged to carry Johan and did a little jig when the knight agreed. Laura carried her father, looking down at him thoughtfully.

"Father." She started as she shut the door. "If... if you can't be changed back... Do you think all of us could be changed into smurfs and live in smurf village?" The girl still daydreamed of faerie princes and magical adventures.

"I'm sure if things turn out that way, we'll be welcome there. They seem like nice folk. A little strange, but nice all the same." He looked out at the unplanted fields as he was carried to the horse. "I know I usually don't ask for your help, Laura, but this year Norman may be doing most of the planting. Help him as much as you can. You can tell him that's on my word."

An excited gleam entered the girl's eye. "I will, father. I promise. Say hello to Smurfette for me if you see her again."

"I'll do you one better, my girl. I'll ask Papa Smurf if she can come visit here." The farmer was rewarded by his daughter's delighted squeal as she stretched up on her toes to let him climb onto Bayard's back.

"Safe journey, Father! Safe journey, travelers!" Norman waved as the former humans settled themselves and the stallion started out the gate. In the fading light, the riders on the horses back were soon far too obscured to make out. The horse rounded a clump of trees and was out of sight.

The last of the sun's light had been gone for a while by the time the five smurfs and horse made it back to the enchanter's house. While the two wizards worked into the night, the transformed smurfs went to sleep.

**00000**

A whimper woke Smurfette up and she looked at the bassinet near her bed. She could see Baby's legs kicking in the orange glow of the rising sun coming through her curtains.

The smurfling was likely wet and in need of a change. She took a moment to stretch and then rose from the bed. She had a stack of clean diapers on a shelf along with other changing items that she picked up and took to her bed. Down went a towel and she prepared the diaper as Baby whimpered louder.

"I'm coming, Baby. Let's smurf that nasty old wet didey off of you." The blond cooed as she picked up the child. The smurfling kicked her little legs as she was carried over and put onto the towel. Smurfette changed her, putting the wet diaper into her a bucket near her laundry bag. Then she picked up the smurfling and sat her on her rug.

"Wait right here, Baby. I have to smurf out of my nightshirt and get ready." The adult dressed quickly, looking at the child on the floor frequently. Baby had figured out how to roll herself from her back to her belly and was trying to roll back.

There was a knock on the door as the female was brushing her hair. "Who is it?"

"Hefty." Came the muffled answer. The florist slid her feet into her shoes and walked over to open the door.

"Good morning." Smurfette smiled.

"Good morning." The strong smurf answered as he entered, watching as the blond picked up Baby.

"I was just about to smurf to the mess hall. Do you think Gutsy would smurflingsit this morning?" The female asked as she dug the smurfling's rattle out of the side of the bassinet.

"He's got nothing planned last I smurfed." The tattooed smurf stood to the side as the blond stepped out the door and closed it for her.

"You smurfed your morning jog already?" The florist asked.

"Yeah, I smurfed up a bit early." He'd jolted awake sometime after midnight and couldn't seem to get back to sleep. He chalked up the foreboding feeling to some unremembered nightmare attributed to the dinner conversation. So after lying awake for a while, he rose and started to pass the time with his weights and equipment; heading out for his jog as soon as it was light enough to see.

They were the some of the first smurfs to the mess hall, though there were other early risers like Farmer who were just settling down to eat. Sassette had taken up with the smurf and was sitting beside him. Smurfette headed back into the kitchen to get Chef to prepare a bottle for Baby while Hefty sat down at the usual table. Smurfs slowly trickled in and outside the bell rang for breakfast.

The blond returned, cradling a hungrily nursing smurfling. "I wonder why Medic keeps smurfing at Greedy's table." She observed as she sat down.

The bodybuilder shrugged, but he knew that matchmaking look. "She smurfs more interested in those books if you ask me."

"You two are up earleh." Gutsy stretched as he walked up.

"Gutsy, good morning." From the female's tone, the scotsmurf was sure there was something else.

"Gu'mornin' Lass." He ventured. Was there a problem in the village already?

"I was wondering if you could smurf Baby for the morning?" Smurfette asked.

"Ach, no problem. For a smurf there I was worried something was amiss already." He picked up his fork, moving it about as he spoke. "I'll be happy ta smurflin'sit tha wee lass."

While the baby was a girl, he had experience watching the youngest of the smurfs, like Brainy and Clumsy. He was the eldest of Papa's sons, followed closely by Marco, Hefty, Handy, Chef, and Poet. Unlike the prodigal sailor, the kilt wearing smurf never shirked helping out with the younger smurfs.

Baby finished her bottle and Smurfette lifted the child to burp her. Much like Grouchy did the evening previous, the female held the child in one arm while she ate.

She was almost done when Dabbler approached the table. "I'm worried something may have smurfed to Alchemist." The doctor started without preamble. "He's missed lunch, dinner, and now he's not smurfed up for breakfast.

Hefty was reminded about that foreboding feeling and put down his fork. "Thanks Doctor. We'll smurf on him right away." The strongsmurf looked at the blond and the two came to a silent agreement.

Smurfette stood up, walking around the table. "Sorry to smurf her off to you so quickly Gutsy, but-"

"Aye, I understand, lass. Duty smurfs." He took the baby, then nodded at the two. They headed out, walking quickly towards the southwest end of the village.

"I really smurf he's just absorbed in his work again." The blond worried.

"If he only wasn't so stubborn about smurfing on his own, Papa would gladly smurf him as an apprentice like Brainy." Hefty shook his head.

"You know how that would smurf out. Alchemist and Brainy can't smurf each other, that's why-" Both smurf's attentions turned to the mushroom house, was that yelling?

They started to run, making a feminine voice out as they neared the door.

"Don't! Stop! Ahhh!"

That was all it took to have Hefty push his legs a little harder, shouldering the door open and nearly off it's hinges.

"Mine!" Came a pleasured growl.

The tattooed smurf stopped, the female rushing to his side and doing the same. They stared at the two smurfs on the bed.

Alchemist was on his knees on top a female smurf with red curly hair, he looked up and snarled at the two intruders. "Mine!" He repeated, this time it was more of a challenge.

Only the redhead underneath him noticed the red bleeding into his irises.

Hefty made a wordless half-apologetic noise and turned around, avoiding looking at the scene. Smurfette just covered her eyes with her hand.

"Alchemist, who the smurf is that?!" Hefty asked after a few moments of horrified silence on his part. He didn't recognize the smurfette.

"You... you didn't make a smurfette did you?" The blond queried as she got over the shock.

"Make a smurfette? Now that's funny!" The female laughed a very familiar laugh.

"Jokey?!" The two intruders cried in unison.

"Aww, now I won't get to smurf a few jokes. A guessing game would've smurfed pretty funny." The redhead waved her hand in front of her lover's face. "Hey Alchy, did your brain really smurf this time?"

"This time?" Smurfette squeaked.

The potioneer struggled against the urge to attack Hefty and Smurfette. Intruders trying to steal what was **his**, claimed the dragon. But that wasn't right, they weren't there to take anything. Slowly he'd won his internal fight and came back to the present. The smurf shook his head vigorously, the red fading away.

Then the embarrassment came. He blushed down to his neck, even though they weren't looking anymore. He glanced down at the smurfette under him. The prankster smiled up at him. He smiled and sat back, pulling her up into a sitting position.

Finally he started to explain. "Jokey and I are smurffriends. There was a potion accident and-"

"Ta-da!" The comedian sing-songed as she moved around. "Hey Smurfette, do you smurf these things?"

"What?" The blond asked, glancing by pulling her hand down only to see the redhead sitting cross-legged on the bed with Alchemist behind her. She was using both hands to point at her breasts.

"Agh! Jokey!" She covered her eyes again as the bomber laughed uproariously. "Yes, all smurfettes have those! Smurf on some clothes already!"

"I guess we better smurf decent." Jokey laughed again. "Where did I smurf my pants?"

"Great Smurfs." Hefty grumbled as he rubbed his face. The prankster finally collected her pants and retreated into the small lavatory that held a sink and commode.

Alchemist found his own pants and pulled them on, then started folding up a cape to tie onto his lover's chest.

"Is that potion resmurfable?" Hefty ventured.

"Yes. Though I'd like to smurf a way that doesn't put the user to sleep for three to four smurfs." The potioneer explained.

The redhead stuck her head out of the small room. "Hey Alchy do ya-" The dark clad male held up the folded cloth. "Oooh! Thanks!" She hopped out and turned, letting him tie it onto her.

"You can smurf around now, we're decent." The brewer announced. Smurfette lowered her hand and Hefty turned around.

"Sorry I smurfed in your door." The muscle smurf started. The events that had just transpired left him stunned.

"I'm smurfing you heard Jokey screaming." Alchemist said, blushing again. "It's fine, it probably smurfed like trouble."

The comedian plopped down onto the bed, putting her hands under her head. "I don't regret that, not one smurf." She grinned like the cat who'd eaten the canary.

"Dabbler smurfed you'd been missing since breakfast yesterday, so we smurfed here to check on you." Smurfette sighed. "We didn't mean to ...ah ...interrupt."

"You didn't." The bomber quipped in a rather pleased way.

"How long have you two been smurffriends?" Hefty finally managed, still trying to wrap his head around the idea.

"Since a little over a smurf ago." The potioneer answered. While it wasn't as bad, he blushed again.

"That was a really smurfy surprise. Heh heh." The prankster got a far away look on her face as she relived the memory. Her smurffriend glanced at the redhead and he smiled fondly.

Smurfette glanced at the strong smurf. There had been a few times when Jokey had acted overly affectionate towards Alchemist in the past month, but the comedian's antics were written off as his usual teasing. Or some prank that the brewer was in on.

Something occurred to her. "Wait, Jokey, what about when you smurfed Vexy with that box two smurfs ago?"

The redhead blinked as she was broken from her reminiscing. "Oh that. Spring Fever of course."

"But you're smurffriends with a smurf... Vanity and Mirror don't smurf that way." Hefty pointed out.

"We smurfed about it." Alchemist shrugged. "Instinct? It was all we could smurf up with." For a while he'd wondered if it was the bit of dragon left in him, it was a relief when he found out his smurffriend was doing the same thing. ...Even if it did make him a bit jealous.

The prankster wondered if they couldn't just like both, but her only example of that was to point out their fun the night before as smurfettes and then again this morning. She knew her lover was more private than she was and though the other smurfs believed differently, Jokey smurf did know when to be quiet. How did they think all those pranks got pulled off?

Instead the redhead sat up. "So should we smurf to breakfast?" She grinned at the aghast look from the muscled smurf. He was probably remembering the tricks she played while dressed in drag.

"You're fine with smurfing up as a female?" The potioneer asked.

"Why not?" Jokey bounced up off the bed and hooked her arm through her smurffriend's. "I've got such a smurfy escort."

Smurfette giggled as the comedian snuggled up against the dark clad male.

Alchemist looked pleased and embarrassed. "Let's smurf then, My Jokey." He looked at the other two smurfs in the room. "Sorry I worried anysmurf."

"It's smurfy." Hefty looked at the door. The top hinge was busted out of the frame and it listed to the side. "I'll uh, go smurf Handy to fix your door."

The four smurfs left the house, the tattooed smurf setting the door into the frame so it looked closed. Handy was most likely at the mess hall, so the four walked together.

Jokey laughed suddenly. "This is gonna be fun. I've gotta remember not to laugh or it'll smurf me away."

"What are you smurfing?" The potioneer asked, amused.

"Any smurf who smurfs who I am, I'm going to tell them 'Guess'." She giggled. "It's gonna drive 'em smurfy." Alchemist laughed and wrapped his arm around the redhead.

Smurfette smiled seeing the unguarded affection between the two smurfs. The three other smurfs listened to the redhead predict reactions and make a few impressions.

The prankster grew quiet as they neared the mess hall, her smile one of anticipation. They entered the bustling cafeteria, the comedian and potioneer linked arm in arm.

The dark clad smurf led them over to the table where he'd spotted Dabbler. At the table were Dentist, Cobbler, Blacksmith, and Miller. As they walked, conversations stopped before starting back up. The smurfs were wondering about the 'new' redhead... and she was hanging on Alchemist's arm no less!

Jokey smiled. So much attention! She wondered how long it would take for the smurfs to guess who she really was. Would they ever guess? The prankster was giddy with excitement.

The smurfs at the table stared as the couple sat down. The potioneer was across the table from the doctor, with the gender-bent bomber by his side. Next to the smurfette was Blacksmith in his dark apron. To Dabbler's right sat Dentist, and then further to the right was Cobbler, then Miller.

There was a long moment of silence that the navy-clad smurf decided to break. "Sorry if I smurfed anysmurf to worry."

That jarred the doctor back into reality. "Alchemist, please smurf me you didn't make a smurfette."

The comedian giggled. "That's what Smurfette smurfed too. But I was smurfed by stork."

"Then who are you leetle lady?" The smithy asked in his deep baritone.

It was so hard not to laugh. There's the bait and now for the hook! Jokey grinned. "Guess."

Miller frowned. "Guess is your name or you want us to smurf your name?"

"Smurf my name." The female answered, giggling.

"Giggles?" The shoemaker ventured. The prankster shook her head.

"I do not smurf silly games." Blacksmith grumbled, starting to eat again.

"Silly?" The grainery smurf asked.

It was so very, very hard not to laugh. "Nope!" The redhead smiled.

Alchemist's sides started to shake. He didn't know how long his smurffriend would keep up the game, but he did know that Jokey could be really committed to a prank.

Dabbler pointed his fork at the potioneer. "You smurf who she is, don't you?"

Unable to resist adding to the confusion and chaos, the dark clad smurf nodded. "Of course. She's my smurffriend." He took a bite of muffin to stop himself from laughing out loud.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "You been smurfing around J..." He suddenly looked at the redhead hard. The bomber wondered what exactly he was looking for and grinned.

"Great smurfs!" The physician got up out of his chair and reached across the table. Gently he tugged at the redhead's hair.

"Yes it's real." Jokey giggled again.

"How on smurf did you transmurf yoursmurf into a real smurfette?!" Dabbler plopped back down, awestruck.

"How did you smurf it was me?" The female countered. The others at the table, save the potioneer, wore expressions of complete confusion and watched the by play of the two like a tennis match.

"There's only one smurf in the village who smurfs two differently colored eyes. Your right has purple flecks in blue and your left smurfs brown flecks in blue." The doctor explained smugly. "So smurf my question."

"A potion." She wrapped her arm around Alchemist and hugged him from the side.

"A potion accident." The brewer corrected.

Blacksmith had had enough and pounded his fist into the table. "Enough of smurfing in dark! Who is leetle redhead?"

Ignoring the conspiratory look from the couple, Dabbler answered. "Jokey."

"Zhokey zavist'?!" The russian smurf looked at the smurfette for all of five seconds before throwing his head back and letting out a booming laugh. He clapped the female on the back, which jerked her forward. "Da! Is good one!"

"I can't believe I was smurfing jealous over another smurf." Dentist moaned and put his head into his hands. Cobbler blushed, putting his head down into his arms near his plate.

Miller shifted uneasily, feeling the same way. "So you two smurfed up a prank, acting like smurffriends just to smurf with us?"

Alchemist glanced at the prankster beside of him. "We're not acting. The joke was guessing who Jokey was." He explained quietly.

"Awww! Alchy!" The smurfette wrapped her arms around the caped smurf and hugged him tight.

The potioneer blushed and hugged her back. "My Jokey." While some smurfs may avoid him even more now, he decided he wouldn't care anymore. His lover's opinion was all that mattered anyway. And the comedian adored public displays of affection... or any display of affection really.

"So you two really are smurffriends?" The doctor asked skeptically.

"For over a smurf now." The brewer said, still cuddling with the bomber. From the looks of the other smurfs, they doubted it.

Dentist gestured to the couple. "Prove it then. Smurf each other a kiss." From the smug looks, they expected the charade to fall apart.

Jokey grinned, moving suddenly to straddle the navy clad smurf. "Come on Alchy, we should smurf 'em a good show."

Alchemist was blushing purple, already he was reacting and he was sure his lover could feel the bulge. Even as he cupped the prankster's chin he hoped the female on top of him wouldn't take it too far. They were in public, after all.

They kissed, tongues intertwining, and suddenly the crowd watching them didn't matter anymore. They wrapped their arms around each other, caught up in the moment.

"I don't... smurf it's a prank." Dabbler managed, watching the redhead's tail twitch in excitement. Around the mess hall, the conversation had stopped, smurfs watching in various levels of shock. Some started commenting in low voices.

"Sometimes when you smurf a challenge it does not smurf the way you tink." Blacksmith pointed out, amused.

It worried Dabbler that the potioneer's hands were now gripping the prankster's rear and she was grinding against him. Much more of that and they'd be having sex in the middle of the mess hall.

"Get a shroom!" Grouchy called out from four tables down. Another smurf wolf-whistled.

The shout brought Alchemist back to the present and he was suddenly aware of the quiet in the cafeteria. He pulled back, breaking the kiss, breathing heavily. "We need to... smurf down." It was an understatement.

Jokey looked ready to kiss him again, but instead she chuckled. "Hard to do when you're so smurfy." The redhead wanted nothining more than to strip them both and make love right there. It must have been the crowd making her lover so unusually (and deliciously) passive.

Slowly the conversations were starting back up amongst the other smurfs.

"We should eat." The caped smurf tried to get rid of that dizzy feeling.

With a melodramatic sigh, the bomber moved to sit back in her own seat. Her smurffriend had to sit cross legged to hide the obvious reaction. Turning her attention to the food, she dug into some eggs.

The conversation at the table slowly picked back up. Alchemist wound up telling an edited version of the potion accident, satisfying the other smurfs' curiosity.

**00000**

"I say he must have smurfed himself a smurfette like Snappy tried to do." Fisher commented, glancing behind him at the couple.

"I'd rather smurf what Tracker's nose has to say." Herder looked at the bloodhound smurf across from him.

The woodsmurf was curious himself, so he inhaled deeply, ignoring the other smurfs at the table watching him. Scent could be lines if something walked or ran, leaving a trail. But in an enclosed space, it would slowly ride the air currents, spreading like water.

Wooly had been tanning, the acrid smell of oak ash tanning solution and the pungent smell of leather wrapped around him. The smell of Huntress beside him that made him want to kiss her again. He made out the individual scents of everyone at his table first, sorting through them and then seeking out the familiar metallic or chemical smells of Blacksmith and Alchemist to find the new redhead.

He tilted his head, finally catching soot and sulphur. His brows furrowed. Sulphur? That was a main component of Jokey's personal scent. He sniffed again. It **was** Jokey. But the scent was feminine instead of masculine. There was also the distinct smell of sex coming from both the bomber and the potioneer, their scents intermingled, telling him the two had been intimate just before breakfast.

Huntress watched the expressions change on her mate's face from confusion to amazement and then a blush crept up his face.

"It's Jokey." Tracker finally managed. "It's Jokey and he's been smurfed into a smurfette."

"Whut in tarnation?!" Wooly gasped.

"He... ah... She smurfed in with Alchemist, maybe it was a potion?" Hunter guessed.

"By golly, smurf at that!" Timber didn't have to point, all the smurfs at the table turned to see the redhead straddling the caped smurf and the two making out.

"Either that's a bonza of a prank, or those two are smurffriends." The shepherd smurf commented.

"It's not a prank." The woodsmurf murmured and turned back around. Only the bowsmurf seemed to hear him.

The archer still couldn't take his eyes off the scene. "I'm smurfing your nose tells you that, ven?" Tracker nodded in response, taking a bite of his toast.

Grouchy called out for the couple to get some privacy and that seemed to break the spell the two lip-locked smurfs had on each other. Now that the spectacle was over, the smurfs in the mess hall began to turn back to their tablemates and talk.

**00000**

Smurfette knew that look on Brainy's face. She'd sat back down to try and finish her meal and saw the intellectual smurf staring at the couple as they sat down. He looked like he was about to go lecture.

"Brainy, no, don't smurf up." The blond said.

The bespectacled smurf turned back to the table. "Don't? Smurfette can't you see what Alchemist has smurfed? He's smurfed himself a smurfette, blatantly disresmurfing any respect for the rules! This is smurf like the time he smurfed to Gargamel's and got himself transmurfed into a dragon-smurf. He's never had any respect for the rules even with they are smurfed there to protect him and others! Always experimenting with dangerous-"

"If you'll smurf up and listen I'll smurf you what's smurfing on." The blond hissed at him.

The pompous smurf scowled, but quieted. Clumsy, Vanity, Hundred, and Gutsy looked at the smurfette expectantly. Baby made a noise and the scotsmurf's attention turned half-way back to her, spooning the child another bit of mashed smurfberry.

"That's not a created smurfette. That's Jokey transmurfed into a smurfette." The female started. Clumsy choked on his juice and had to hit his chest with a fist to clear his airway.

"So it's one of Jokey's unsmurfy pranks." Brainy huffed. At least the blond had saved him from looking foolish by lecturing on an assumption.

"No, it was a potion accident. And yes it's resmurfable, but Alchemist smurfed it smurfs the user to sleep for three or four hours." Smurfette finished.

"That's exactly why that renegade shouldn't be allowed to smurf potions." Brainy growled turning in his seat to point at the couple. "I'm mean just smurf at- Thaaa?"

The smurfs at the table looked, spotting the two smurfs provocatively kissing. At the table next to theirs Painter jumped up.

"Sacré bleu! Where iz my sketchpad!" The artist dove at his bag on the floor.

"They're smurffriends?" Vanity asked quietly.

"Yes." The blond answered, blushing at the memory of walking in on them and Jokey's question.

"Crikey." Gutsy pointedly turned his attention back to the smurfling. She grabbed the mush filled spoon from the smurf and waved it around, babbling. He put the rattle into her other hand while he retrieved the spoon and cleaned her hand.

Grouchy yelled at the two and they stopped kissing.

Painter made a frustrated growl. "Agh! I was almost fini!" The artistic smurf looked ready to have a meltdown, cursing in french under his breath.

"Painter, darling, just go smurf them to pose. I'm certain if they're willing to smurf in front of a crowd they'd be willing to help you with your masterpiece." Vanity called to his friend. The smurf rushed off, sketchpad in hand. The vain smurf pulled his mirror out of his hat and checked his reflection, angling it to catch Hundred in the little oval as well.

Mirror noticed and leaned closer, smiling just for his love.

**00000**

Suspicious carefully wedged the slip of paper between the door and the frame. If it was opened for any reason, the paper would go fluttering to the floor. That meant if anysmurf snooped into his house, he'd know.

Of course he couldn't prevent every invasion. Like Sweepy's cleaning of his chimney on days he'd just happened to gather some new bit of evidence.

He was on to that smurf. Oh yes.

The conspiracy theorist smurf walked a winding route towards the mess hall. Breakfast would be almost or entirely over by the time he got there, but that was fine. He never took the same route twice in a row, or arrived at the same time... except when he did, just to shake things up. Keep THEM on their toes.

The agents of the human wizard's guild were everywhere, after all. It was simple really, the wizards had the magic, thus they ran everything in the human world. They'd sent Gargamel to try and take on the smurfs because Papa was an agent of the magical creatures wizard's guild. The MCWG kept the HWG from ruling the entire world.

But some of the smurfs were compromised. Looking at you, Sweepy, you sneaky son of a smurf.

Suspicious finally came to the mess hall, most smurfs were walking out, heading off to their daily chores or whatever they had to do for the day. Something odd though, a clump of smurfs surrounding something in the middle.

The cagey smurf narrowed his eyes. Something was definitely afoot. He wove through the crowd, hearing them offer up single words followed by a feminine negative.

Once at the center he saw Alchemist with his arm wrapped around a smurfette with red curly hair. The couple were trying not to laugh, or laughing quietly in the potioneer's case.

Just who was this smurfette?

"Is your smurf, Cheerful?" Poet asked.

The redhead giggled. "Nope!"

So none of the other smurfs knew who she was either. Another smurfette just shows up out of the blue and they think nothing of it, fawn over her even. Right after that 'Huntress' (as if that was her real name, ha!) came, the True Blue spell got stolen.

It was likely all part of Gargamel's plan. Steal the spell, infiltrate the village (for the third time, no less!) and then spy and/or destroy from within. Suspicious strongly suspected that 'Huntress' was one of the HWG agents, probably Hogatha. He only had to hear her snort just once to prove that.

Wait... wait! What better way to throw a bunch of lovestruck smurfs off their guard than to infiltrate as a smurfette?

He stepped forward into the ring, pointing his finger accusingly. "I smurf who you are! Gargamel!"

The other smurfs laughed. Of course they laughed. They were complacent, unwilling to see the truth before them.

The redhead was startled into laughing a very familiar laugh. She guffawed, holding onto her sides.

"Wait, that's Jokey's laugh!" A smurf from the crowd called.

Drat and blast. Another prank by the master of chaos. The cagey smurf scowled. So many times had the prankster generated false leads for him, he was sure the smurf had been compromised. He was on the list. Oh yes. And his little star spangled friend too. He glared at a chuckling Alchemist. They'd been acting pretty close in the past month.

"Awww, Suspicious, now look what ya smurfed. I smurfed myself away." The redhead wiped at her eyes. "Gargamel's dead, you don't have to smurf yourself over him anymore."

"That's just what he wants us to smurf!" The conspiracy theorist shouted. "There was no body! It's just another trick!" He looked around at the crowd, at each face. "He may be among us as we smurf, he's smurfed into the village before!"

The crowd laughed again.

The cagy smurf held up two fingers, pointing to his eyes then back to Jokey and the potioneer who were talking about heading to Painter's. I'm watching you two, the message was clear. He backed out of the crowd, heading into the cafeteria.

Not all of the tables had been cleared, so he grabbed a basket from a hook on the wall and filled it with smurfberries, toast, and other foods that wouldn't turn to mush or leak through. He gave into temptation and made himself a bowl of porridge, sitting it carefully into the basket along with a spoon.

Should he head back to his house? No, that's what they'd suspect. He'd go up on the hill to eat. There was a good view of his house from there, so he could watch for intruders. The smurf turned and left.

**00000**

Natural had escorted Slither and Maple to the classroom Brainy had set up, which was nothing more than a chalkboard and three desks; two for students and one large teacher's desk with several books stacked on the top.

The former squirrel pulled one of the small seeds from her cheek. It bulged obviously, but she couldn't help but bring along something to the lessons. They were boring to her.

The bespectacled smurf walked in dressed in his professor's robes. He felt it only proper that he don the attire, as well as having the two students call him Professor Brainy.

So far they hadn't managed the proper pronunciation, but he did see progress.

"Nornin Fesser!" Maple chirped around a cheek full of seeds.

"Mornink Fofesssser." The former snake hissed.

Case in point. They both had trouble with the letter P. Brainy hoped to fix that today. He wrote the word 'Pear' on the blackboard and a upper and lowercase letter P.

"Today we'll be working with the letter P. It makes a 'puh' sound." The intellectual smurf led them in trying to enunciate the sound.

The former squirrel puffed her cheeks out with air before just blowing through her lips. Slither pursed his lips together with a look of concentration before working his mouth without making any sound.

It took several tries before the two managed the sound. The egotistical smurf grinned and had them practice it until he was sure they had it.

"Now, we'll try the word on the board, it's 'pear'."

"P-air" The ex-serpent tested.

Maple attempted to make the sound but accidentally spat a seed that flew across the room. Delighted with this discovery, she tried that again instead.

"Maple! What have I smurfed you about staying on task?" Brainy scolded. The brown and grey haired female responded by doing her best to fire seeds at him, giggling in delight.

Slither snickered, a hissing sort of sound. "Sssshe get new tasssk p'fesssser."

The teacher had grabbed a book to deflect the seeds. "Stop! This is very unsmurfy behavior! You're smurfing a demerit for this!" His verbal tirade did little to stop her attack, though eventually she did run out of seeds.

When Natural came to pick up the two new smurfs for lunch, he found Slither at the chalkboard attempting to write letters, Brainy sweeping seeds from the floor, and Maple sitting sulkily on a stool by herself with a dunce cap on.

"What smurfned this time?" Was all he could ask.


	12. SF Side Series: First Days 01

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**If you haven't read my profile and voted on who you'd like to see in First Days, go vote!**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warnings for: Violence, Character Death, Sexual Situations**

Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 01

The Papa Smurf clone made it back to the clearing as the sky was lightening. The circle around the clearing glowed, pulsing with magic. As the first rays of dawn hit the circle, the magic triggered. Like before, the magic swirled, forming a dome around the area. This time within the dome, slowly appearing like visions in a crystal ball, came mushroom shaped houses and four large towers.

The Great Chief dared not disturb the process, standing just outside the barrier and watching the goings on with interest. The magic in the dome faded, fed into the process of creating a copy of Smurf Village. The dome began to collapse, looking like water slowly flowing down from a point at the top. By the time the whole circle had made it to the ground, the magic was barely a wavering shimmer in the light of dawn.

Chief grinned, stepping into the village for the first time. His village. They'd need fortifications first. Or food? He'd have to divide his forces to tackle both at once. He strolled slowly to the watchtower.

First he'd call a meeting, meet his forces. He climbed up to the platform, prodding the sleeping smurf. He was dressed in smurf pants and hat, though instead of white, they were grey. Likely a sign left by the magic that created them showing their tainted nature.

"Wake up!" Chief barked.

The clone of Harmony jerked awake. "Ah smurf! I smurfed asleep?" Confusion flitted across the smurf's face as the events of the night previous experienced by the real Harmony were suddenly met with the commands and knowledge of the spell. The smurfs around the new village were waking up to the same confusion.

They knew who they were. But the magic then told them what they were. Some accepted this more readily than others.

"Call a meeting Smurf. We have business to attend to." Chief growled at him, jarring him from his thoughts.

"Yes, Great Chief!" The trumpeter hopped to his feet, putting his favored horn to his lips and blowing a loud, long, off-key note that had the bearded smurf covering his ears.

After the first note was over, the leader climbed down the ladder as fast as he dared before the second horn blast sounded. At least a bit of distance made the noise less ear shattering. The third racket was even farther away and only irritating due to it's off key nature.

Finally, the smurf was on the ground. He pulled his cloak off to reveal smurf pants that matched his black hat. It suddenly occurred to him that he had no idea where he was supposed to go for the meeting. Or where the leader's house, his house now, was. Face showing his annoyance, he stood with cloak in hand and crossed arms.

Within five minutes, there were smurfs coming out of their houses, heading in the same general direction. Some glanced at him, bowing their heads slightly in acknowledgement. He smirked. At least the spell was working properly. He started following the flow of foot traffic, acting for all the world like he'd meant to start walking just then.

The grey clad smurfs milled around the village center, turned towards a small platform built to resemble three mushrooms. The smaller two were steps, while the larger was used as a platform for announcements and to lead village meetings. From the crowd came the smurf with glasses, then another with a roll of parchment and a quill.

The one with the paper began work immediately, marking off a list as the black clad smurf approached.

The Great Chief looked over the smurf's shoulder. It was a list of names. The smurf was taking roll. Not bad. At least they were organized. He turned to walk up to the speaking platform only to be blocked by the nearsighted smurf.

"Great Chief, if there is anything I, Brainy Smurf, can smurf you with, just call on me and it will be done." The smurf gushed.

"I need you to stop being such a simpering little twit." The bearded smurf growled, pushing him out of his way. The smurfs nearby who heard the exchange snickered.

The roll keeping smurf double checked the parchment again. He'd struck a line through the names Traveler, Camper, Explorer, and Marco. They weren't in the original village at the time and didn't get copied. But they were still missing nine smurfs.

"Great Chief, most of the smurfs are here, except for Alchemist, Jokey, Lazy, Greedy, Vanity, Hundred, Baby, Smurfette, and Hefty." The clone of Counter scanned the crowd again. "Wait, smurf that six, here come Smurfette and Hefty with Baby." He marked on the sheet.

Unruly already. Chief scowled at the crowd. Well, they'd learn to respect him. Or they'd pay dearly. He pointed at the glasses wearing smurf. "You. Pick out three others and go find those missing smurfs."

The glasses wearing one picked out a kilt wearing male, one with a woolen hat, and another with a bow slung over his shoulder and a quiver with arrows on his back. The four ran from the meeting, splitting up and heading in different directions. The noise level rose from the crowd as the delay wore on.

Smurfette approached the black clad smurf, carrying an infant smurf. Chief stared at the child. He wasn't aware there was a baby in the village.

"Great Chief." The black haired smurfette purred, "What should we smurf with this?"

"What do you mean, what should we do? Find someone to watch it." The bearded smurf growled.

"Oh." The female seemed disappointed. "I thought it'd be far more efficient if we just smurfed her over to the other village or something."

"No." Chief said flatly. "We're going to take those fools by surprise, not give them children to take care of. If you don't want to take care of it, find someone who will."

The female nodded, melting back into the crowd to look for a smurf willing to watch the child. The glasses wearing one returned, shoving a smurf who looked half asleep. Soon after the plaid wearing one returned with two smurfs, one with a flower in his hat.

"That leaves Alchemist, Jokey, and Greedy." The parchment smurf supplied the leader. The noise from the crowd was similar to that of mealtimes, smurfs having conversations with each other.

The time stretched, the sun fully up before the smurf with the woolen hat came back with a plump smurf, still chewing on a loaf of bread. Chief sneered. Oh joy, the fat one.

"Go see what's taking so long with those last two." The bearded elder ordered the Brainy and Gutsy clones. They left quickly. The Great Chief stood with his arms crossed, waiting.

**00000**

Jokey had woken Alchemist up, just like she'd planned the night before. Her head swam with the knowledge the magic had dumped on her. So they were clones. So what? That didn't mean she couldn't have a little more fun this morning.

The potioneer was so aggressive, neither of them cared much when the blaring of the horn started. They could be a little late.

He was almost there, the chant of 'mine' had started in symphony to the comedian begging him not to stop. Then the door was opened and another smurf entered.

"Mine!" The brewer snarled at the intruder. The bowsmurf started to say something when he spotted the color change in the other smurf's eyes. His pilfered memories told him what that meant. But just how the smurf in front of him was turning back into a half-dragon he had no clue.

In one fluid motion, Hunter pulled an arrow from his quiver and notched it, pulling the bow back. "Calm down, Alchemist. I've been sent to smurf you and Jokey for the meeting."

The red bled completely into his eyes as the potioneer gave in to the dragon. There would be no fighting. He embraced it. The transformation was swift, scales seeming to flow from the eyes and down his body. Sharp claws formed on his fingers and toes. Finally his tail lengthened, becoming scaled and ending in a spaded tip.

"Come on, Alchy. Smurf down, we can play later." The redhead coaxed, caressing his thigh.

Alchemist leapt from the bed, ignoring his lover's attempts to calm him down.

An arrow took him in the gut as Hunter fired his shot and rolled out of the way. Unlike his counterpart, he had no compunctions about wounding or killing. The dragon-smurf crashed into the door, driving the arrow in deeper. He picked himself up from the floor, snarling.

The bowsmurf came up from his roll, pulling another arrow. The transformed potioneer was coming at him again. Notch, pull, release! He fired again, this time at an even closer range.

The arrow drove into the dragon-smurf's eye, not his chest as the archer intended. He tumbled over his own feet as his mind shut down, body quickly following.

"Alchy!" Jokey cried, jumping off the bed to drop to her knees beside her fallen lover. He wasn't breathing. The prankster listened to his chest and heard nothing.

Suddenly the smurf's body seemed to dissolve, motes of magical light flashing and then fading away like sparks from a fire. All that remained was the arrows, now unnervingly clean.

So they **were** fake. Yet the pain Jokey felt, it felt all too real to her. The absurdity of the situation hit her and she laughed.

Hunter looked at the naked redhead. Her laughter wasn't mirthful, it was hysterical, mad. He wouldn't be getting any questions answered by her anytime soon. Sighing he picked himself up off the floor and grabbed a blanket from the bed.

She looked at him, dissolving into chuckles. He wrapped the blanket around her, turning his head to keep up some pretense of modesty.

Jokey used the opportunity to scoop up the two arrows. She adjusted her blanket, moving the weapons so the fist gripping the cover closed around her held the two projectiles.

Still giggling, she caught the bowsmurf's chin in her hand. She surprised him by pressing their lips together, her hand diving back underneath her blanket.

The bowsmurf jerked, pulling away with a grunt.

"Surprise." The prankster sing-songed. "Thought you'd like your arrows back." She laughed as the male gripped the blanket that covered her with one hand, trying to pull the arrow out from between his ribs with the other.

"Jokey?" He sank to the ground, still trying to pull the arrow out, whispering the prankster's name as he realized who she was. It was hard to breathe and he was getting more light headed by the second.

Jokey held the other arrow in her hand, laughing again. "Don't worry, Hunter." She cooed, kneeling down to purr into his ear. "Nosmurf's real here. It's one big joke."

She stabbed him in the eye, pushing the arrow through the socket and into his brain.

She watched until the smurf's body began to dissolve into the magic that made it up, then started looking for her pants. She giggled to herself, sometimes laughing.

The clones of Brainy and Gutsy entered the house while the smurfette was trying to tie a folded cape to her chest.

"Who are you? Where are Alchemist and Hunter?" The bespectacled smurf asked.

Jokey twisted around a bit, finally settling for a square knot to keep the top on. "Hunter and Alchemist smurfed each other. As for me..." She giggled. "Can't you guess?"

The self-proclaimed intellectual watched her for a moment as she adjusted the folded cape around her top. There was only one smurf in the village missing, but Alchemist was just the type of smurf to make a smurfette for himself.

"Either you're a created smurfette or you're Jokey smurfing around dressed as a smurfette." The pompous smurf ventured.

The comedian laughed, a familiar laugh tinged with hysteria. "I'm not smurfed up as a female. And Alchemist didn't make a smurfette." She started walking towards the door. "We've got a meeting to smurf to. Smurf it out on the way."

The two males shared looks of perplexion, but followed the female to the meeting.

They talked quietly behind her back as they walked. But Jokey didn't care. She looked at her hand. They were all technically created smurfs. She giggled again. She knew how to fix that. She wouldn't fade away. Then the joke wouldn't be on her.

The din of the crowd died down as a strange smurfette approached the group.

"Who are you?" Counter asked, approaching her with the roll.

The bomber held one finger to her lips and took his quill, checking off her name. The smurf stared at her as she handed him back the feather.

"Where are Alchemist and Hunter?" He asked, looking between the redhead and the two smurfs sent to retrieve them.

"They smurfed each other." Jokey answered with a giggle, moving to stand with the rest of the smurfs.

The former financier approached their leader. "All present, Great Chief."

"I thought there were two more?" He narrowed his eyes.

"They... they smurfed each other, from what I've been smurfed." The math specialist said nervously.

The black clad smurf grumbled as he waved a hand, dismissing the roll taking smurf. He climbed up onto the platform and looked out at the crowd. The noise level had gone down, but the smurfs were still talking.

"Silence!" Chief bellowed. The crowd quieted immediately. Now that was more like it!

"Well smurfs, welcome to a new age." The dark-clad smurf began. "An age where smurfs are no longer meek, innocent little creatures ripe for destruction. It will be an age where we will be the conquerors! We will rise up and take our rightful place as the rulers of the world. And under my stern guidance, nothing will stop us!" The crowd cheered until the leader raised his hands for silence again.

"The first law is that my word is law! And since I've found that already you smurfs are turning on each other; any smurf who kills another smurf will answer to me." He left it up to their imagination as to what he'd do.

"All of you will have to change your names." A few shouts of shock came from the crowd, but the leader pressed on. "Unless you want those goody-goody smurfs to guess what you are and where you've come from." There were still groans, but they seemed to accept that reasoning. Though it was a bonus for him, he didn't have to pretend to know every name now.

"Now, we need to get crops planted and fortifications built. You." He pointed at the smurf with the roll. The smurf stood taller, awaiting orders. "Write down the new names."

"The ones that usually oversee building and planting will speak with me, the rest of you are dismissed. Go eat." The smurfs began to trickle away, leaving the clones of Handy, Brainy, and Farmer to speak with their leader.

**00000**

The topic of breakfast was names. Most grumbled about it. Some had their names almost instantly, stopping the scroll bearing smurf so he could write them down. The clone of one of the new females came up to him, the one that called herself Medic.

From a table down, the doctor smurf gloated. "I've already smurfed the name Physician."

The brown haired smurfette only glanced at Physician before turning back to Counter. "I'd like the name Surgery please." The smurf nodded and wrote it down.

The female left to sit at her usual table. The smurf there was eating already. She sat down and reached for a muffin, only to jerk her hand back as a fork stabbed down into the wood.

"It's mine." The plump clone stared at her.

The female's eyes narrowed. "Try ta stab me again, honey, an' we're gonna have a throw down."

"Sure, a smurfette could really smurf me." The ample smurf scoffed and stuffed another pancake into his mouth.

Surgery smirked. She reached for the muffin again, her eyes on the smurf in a challenging manner. This time he came at her with a fist. She moved, allowing the blow to drive past her head and touching the smurf on the forehead. Her whispered word seemed to echo without being loud.

The clone crumpled to the floor. She sat back down, ignoring the other smurfs standing up. Physician ran up to the table, glaring at the smurfette.

"What did you smurf?" He demanded.

"Don't get yer panties in a wad. He's asleep." The brown haired smurfette smiled unnervingly. "I don't take kindly to threats."

The doctor checked the smurf on the floor. She was telling the truth, he was out like a light and sleeping peacefully. "And when will he smurf up?"

"About an hour or so." She took a bite of her muffin. "Or I could wake him up after I'm done eating." She helped herself to a bowl of oatmeal.

She watched him as he rolled the other smurf over into a more comfortable position. "You know, I get why you're jealous. You think I wanna take your place. Maybe my abilities are intimidating, too." She took a bite of her muffin as she stirred honey into the oatmeal.

"And?" Physician huffed. Was this going somewhere or was she just gloating?

Surgery swallowed before she spoke. "I want to work with you. I'm not trying to usurp yer position, nor do I intend to make light of any of yer efforts." She leaned forward, smiling. "Try me." She purred.

The male reacted to the flirtation, eyes looking her over slowly. "Fine. Smurf to the office after breakfast." The smurf made his way back to the table he was eating at. The brown haired medic ate her oatmeal, then woke up the smurf lying on the floor.

"Wakey, wakey, you gluttonous thang." The ample smurf came to hearing the sounds of the female taunting him.

He growled as he sat up. "So you smurfed me. Do me a favor and smurf somewhere else to sit from now on."

"Whatever you say sweetie." The female laughed. "See you, Gluttony!"

The smurf glared at her as she walked out of the mess hall.

**00000**

The smurfs would be divided between the fields and the fortifications. Chief was pleased with his decisions. He did make allowances and let the cooks stay in the kitchen so lunch would be on time. At the glasses wearing smurf's suggestion, he split the doctor and the new female up between the two areas. They'd be able to respond to emergencies by being right there, working as well.

The know-it-all had tried to accompany him back to the lab. He called himself Clever now. The bearded smurf snorted at the thought. But like it or not, he needed the twit to show him the correct house instead of bumbling about. As they walked, he took out a small flask and drank from it.

Clever watched him, but didn't speak. Was their chief an alcoholic? Was that something else? He needed to gather more information. Then when he was ready he'd formulate his own plan.

They arrived at the elder's house, the bespectacled smurf watching his leader. The black-clad smurf looked around the place as if he'd never been there. That confirmed his suspicions that this was not a magic twisted Papa Smurf. It was either a different smurf entirely or another creature in Smurf form. The flask could contain a transformative potion that kept the Chief in smurf form.

Chief looked over the titles to the books. He'd have to go over these carefully. Perhaps he should duplicate the whole lot and stash them away. Would that work if they were magic constructs? Well, it could wait. He turned to see the glasses wearing smurf watching him. Wasn't that twit normally hard to keep quiet? It was unnerving.

"Go see how the work is faring. And report any slackers to me." The black clad smurf ordered.

Clever grinned. That sounded like fun. "With pleasure, Chief." He turned and headed out, going first towards the slowly erecting wall.

The assembled smurfs already had the first few logs up and were working to secure them. The smurfs were all working, with Handy, who had renamed himself Fix, working and overseeing the construction.

"Here to work?" The inventor asked.

"I'm here smurfing orders. I'm to locate any slackers and smurf them to the Great Chief." The bespectacled smurf smirked.

"Sounds like it's your smurfect job." The handy smurf pulled the pencil from where it was tucked on his ear and erased something on a clipboard. If he used the terrain in some places, they wouldn't have to go out into the forest and cut any new logs.

"Isn't Lazy supposed to be smurfing here?" You could hear the glee in the smurf's voice.

"Yeah. And it's Sleepy." Fix answered absentmindedly.

Clever started searching. Whatever his name, the slothful smurf was always hiding in a secluded spot and sleeping.

It took him almost an hour before he heard a quiet snore. Ah-ha! He followed the sound. The sleeping smurf had wedged himself in a small hollow where the logs were stacked. The only evidence was a foot peeking out.

"Get up!" The smurf called. The foot twitched. "You nincomsmurf, if this pile of logs shifts the wrong way you'll be smurfed! Smurf up!"

Sleepy wriggled his way out of the logs. He glared balefully at the pompous smurf.

"Great Chief will be smurfing about this. You'd better start smurfing." Clever grinned. With a huff of breath, the smurf tiredly pulled himself up from the ground and walked back towards the others.

Feeling satisfied, he looked over the work once more before he headed towards the fields.

**00000**

The fields were full of busy grey clad smurfs. They were spaced out across the large field, some following along after the wooden tractor as Planter (formerly Farmer) tried out the new invention.

Medic was planting a row, carrying seeds in a small sack as she placed them evenly into the soil. There were smurfs planting rows on either side of her. There were several smurfs along the rows, each moving to a new row as they finished. There were also smurfs carrying watering cans to water the newly planted seeds.

She hadn't had any time to talk to Physician. Another smurf had gathered them as soon as they had met up. They were to help out in two different areas. Instead she watched other smurfs she had no idea the name of work.

There was a loud banging sound that echoed over the fields. The working smurfs looked about for the problem. Planter was looking at the plow heads attached to the back of the tractor. Apparently he'd hit something, likely a large rock. The farmer was a distance from Surgery, so she couldn't hear exactly what the smurf was yelling. From the expression on the smurf's face it wasn't pleasant.

Most of the smurfs around her had gone back to their work, ignoring the spectacle. The female shrugged and did the same.

The straw hat wearing smurf cursed again. This blasted machine was running fine until a single rock stopped it. Well, he'd fix that. Jumping from the seat onto the back end of the machine, he started to kick at the rock that had jammed into the plow heads. It didn't budge. In his anger, the smurf reached down and pried at the stone with his hands.

Suddenly the rock shifted and the tractor, still in gear, started moving again without him. He toppled forward in front of the plow heads, getting tossed, tumbled and dragged along with a stone as big as his head.

A startled cry raised the alarm of the other smurfs. The little pigtailed redhead was running at the tractor, which was dragging something blue in front of the rear mounted tools. The brown haired female started running, knowing an accident when she saw one.

Sassy had only changed her name a little bit, but it seemed good enough for the adults. She shook as she tried to think as she jumped up onto the tractor. How did it get turned off again? She pulled a lever and the machine went a bit faster, so she pushed it as far forward as she could get it.

The tractor stopped. Smurfs were rushing up to help. They dragged Planter's broken form from in front of the tiller. Surgery knelt down, assessing the farmer's injuries. Her eyes glowed as she used her magic.

Broken bones, lacerations, internal bleeding, muscle damage... She catalogued the injuries, prioritized them, then started healing. The internal damage was first, followed by broken bones. Smurfs around her murmured as bones mended and cuts closed.

The healer ended her spell, her head starting to swim. Why did she feel so exhausted? Normally that wouldn't bother her at all.

"Wow." Sassy looked from the smurf on the ground to the smurfette beside him. "That was amazing!"

Surgery lifted a trembling hand up to wave weakly. "That took a lot more outta me than I thought." She watched as Planter woke up.

The farmer groaned. Though he was healed, his nerves had yet to catch up to that. The pain slowly ebbed away as he sat up. "What... what smurfened?"

"You fell under the tractor and it dragged you, then I stopped it and she did magic and now you're ok!" The smurfling babbled excitedly.

The smurf stood. "Well, if that isn't a smurf in the pants."

The brown haired female tried to do the same and wound up falling over. She gritted her teeth. This wasn't good. Somehow using her healing ability had pulled all the strength right out of her.

"Somethin's amiss." Planter offered the smurfette his hand. He owed her by his estimation, the least he could do was help her up. After a few attempts on her part, he had to lever her up to a standing position himself. The murmurs and background conversation of the other smurfs grew louder.

"Somehow using my healing magic has made me weaker n'a day old kitten." Surgery huffed as she strained to stay standing.

"I smurf she needs to be smurfed to Doctor's." A redhead with curly hair said. "I'll smurf her there."

The farmer nodded, allowing the second female to support the first. "Make sure you remember to smurf him by his new name. I smurf it was Physician."

The former dryad was led out of the fields as the other smurfs returned to work.

After they were away from the fields, the redhead started to talk. "So just how much can you smurf up if somesmurf's hurt?"

"So long... as their brain ain't dead... I can patch 'em up." Surgery panted. It was slow going for her to even try to keep up with the other female. And while being supported as well.

The redhead grinned. That would be a great thing to have around. And now that she wasn't being watched, she could go ahead with her plan. "Here, we'll smurf there faster if you smurf up on my back."

"If yer sure." The brunette gasped. After a bit of maneuvering, she was on the other female's back. "So what's yer name?"

"Comic. At least, that's what I'm smurfing myself now." The prankster maneuvered her way towards the south side of the village.

"We're not headin towards Physician's. So where're we goin?" The brown haired female asked as she noticed. She was beginning to feel uneasy about the situation, but in her current state there was little she could do about it.

"I already smurfed what's wrong, so I'm taking you to smurf it." The redhead chuckled. So she was pretty bright too. That was another point in her favor.

"Mind enlightenin me then?" Surgery drawled.

"We're smurfed from magic, but that didn't make us real." The comedian wondered if she'd catch on from there.

"So you're sayin we're magical constructs. That much I woke up knowin." The healer thought about it. "If I feel this way after usin my magic..." Realization suddenly dawned on her. "I don't have magical reserves if I'm a construct. I was usin the magic that made up me to heal that guy."

"Hehe! You are a smart smurfette." Comic giggled. Ah, there was Alchemist's. Finally! She was getting heavy.

"So this your place?" The brunette asked.

"No, it's Alchemist's" Came a voice from behind them. The bomber turned around and both females saw the glasses wearing smurf.

"Hiya Brainy, how long have ya been evesmurfing?" The prankster asked jovially.

"It's Clever. And long enough to smurf about magical constructs." The pompous smurf answered. He looked at the redhead as if about to say something else.

Instead, Comic grinned. "Then smurf in here, we'll need your help."

The bespectacled smurf followed the piggy-backing duo inside. "And what do I smurf out of this? I could just smurf you to Chief."

The joker huffed as she lowered the other female onto a chair. "Think, Clever. What spell would smurf her into a real smurf to fix her?"

Surgery watched the male as realization dawned on him. It was that spell that made the blue orb. She searched her memory. True Blue spell.

"Let's smurf these stores, we may have to smurf some ingredients." The intellect was suddenly all for the idea.

The two gathered the supplies, the glasses wearing smurf had to run to his own lab to get royal jelly. The weakened female could only watch as the potion was brewed. She wondered what the range of the spell was. Would every smurf in the village be affected? Where those two even thinking about that?

Clever finished the spell, three orbs of light flying up from the cauldron and weaving their way through the air to hit the three smurfs.

Comic laughed. Now the joke wouldn't be on them. Surgery finally felt like her strength was returning. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Should we smurf Chief?" The know-it-all wondered aloud.

"Let's leave it as a surprise." The prankster chuckled. "It's harder to smurf punished for something nosmurf knows you did."

"You think he'd punish us for increasing our usefulness to him?" The healer queried. Hm. The magic that created her to be loyal to the Chief still held.

"He's not Papa. Or even a Papa clone." The bespectacled smurf supplied. "I'm not sure how he'd smurf." And figuring out just who the new smurf was was something that was occupying the intellect's mind. There were any number of enemies that could be responsible. Or a new foe.

This was news to the two females. They'd assumed the Chief was a clone as well. Comic raised a brow, "So do you smurf who he is?"

"Not yet." Clever boasted. "But I'm positive it won't keep me smurfing for long. It's only a smurf of simple elimination to smurf who Chief is. Already I've smurfed him taking a drink of something in a flask. It may be smurf and it may be a transmurfation potion." He took a breath to keep going.

"Ya'll have booze? Heh." The brown haired female interjected. "Got any enemies who are drunks?"

"No." The smurf started again.

"Then it's likely the potion. Just how many enemies do ya'll have? I thought it'd just be owls and stuff besides that wizard." The healer continued.

"We have about three active human threats aside from Gargamel, five other smurfs of threats that are inactive, and several possibilities for those who'd like to smurf or smurf us." The smurf was somewhat annoyed at the interruption, though he liked that the female was sharp enough to ask intelligent questions.

"Geeze, what makes smurfs such a target?" The female paused then answered her own question. "Wait, I remember him using six of those transformed ones to make into a Philosopher's stone. So really anything greedy enough and with knowledge of that would be after ya'll right?"

"Not to mention there's a formula that can smurf us into gold directly." Comic spoke up.

Something occurred to Clever and he looked at the both of them. "But this seems to be too complicated to be a smurf for gold. It smurfs of vengeance. That eliminates anysmurf new."

"And we're smurfing for whoever it is." The redhead pointed out. She started chuckling. "Smurfy irony, huh?"

It was strange to think about. That they were the enemy against the smurfs. Surgery tried to stand and made it to her feet, shaking slightly.

"Every time I think about goin against Chief I get this urge to stop that train of thought. So it seems like that loyalty bit to him is still there. I don' think we can do anythin about it." The brown haired female shrugged. She swayed a bit on her feet and grit her teeth, stubbornly staying standing.

Clever picked up the cauldron, getting it ready for cleaning. "We should smurf back. I'll smurf up here and you two go-" He was cut off as the brunette toppled to the floor.

She cussed, grudgingly accepting Comic's hand to help her back into the chair. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just weak."

"You need to smurf a nap." The redhead pointed out. "I'll clean here. Clever, could you smurf her to her room?" It somehow seemed disrespectful to let one of Alchemist's biggest rivals be alone in his house. That and the know-it-all would probably take all the ingredients for himself.

The bespectacled smurf looked annoyed, but didn't comment. Cleaning wasn't his favorite thing to do anyway. "You smurf in the east tower, right?"

Surgery frowned. "Yeah, on the fourth floor. Don't think I'll make it up those stairs." She tilted her head toward the bed. "Wouldn't just crashin here work?"

"That's fine, I have to smurf on the fields anyway." He helped the brown haired female over to the bed before glancing at the redhead, who was scrubbing the cauldron. He walked out of the house, thinking.

When he realized just what spell Comic was using, he'd hoped that it would free him from the loyalty part of the magic that made up his being. Without that it would have been easy to hatch a plot to take over. But now it was back to his first plan. Become invaluable as an assistant to Chief. Second in command was almost as good as leading. Almost.

Then there was the spell that made up everything around him. He looked at the houses as he strolled towards the fields. It didn't matter how hard they worked, really. Should that spell be disrupted, everything here -everyone here- except himself, Comic, Surgery, and possibly Chief would disappear. He needed to help safeguard against that. He considered just performing the True Blue spell however many times it took, but then there were smurfs that weren't really worth the effort. And others that would challenge his authority and get the backing of most of the others.

He didn't get much respect, but perhaps if he dangled the carrot out to a few select individuals, he could get a few smurfs that were loyal to him as well. He smiled as the fields came into view. He knew of one in particular, even with all of his faults.

He watched the smurfs for a moment, mentally making another list. Seeing one smurf sitting down, he grinned as he walked over.

**00000**

Nightshade looked down at the baby. The child was nice while she was sleeping, but that didn't last long. She had no luck finding any smurf to watch the smurfling. But that didn't matter now. She'd snuck away from the village, the infant tucked neatly into a basket.

There was a small tributary that fed into the creek that meandered around the east and south side of the village. Easy enough to just let the baby drift down there. Those smurfs would find her and be all to happy to take care of the mewling brat.

The thought did cross her mind that the basket might tip over, or something might snatch the baby for a snack. She sat the basket down into the water, flipping the lid down. If the baby didn't survive the trip, well it wasn't her problem. She'd thought of the perfect plan to get any blame off of herself.

The basket drifted calmly downstream, and the dark haired smurfette turned and hurried back to the village. It took some time, but she made it back before lunch. Tucking a blanket just so, she arranged a second basket to look like the child was sleeping within it. The lunch bell rang.

On her way, she spotted just the smurf she was looking for and approached him. "Wrath, watch the baby, I just smurfed her to sleep."

The grouch glared at her. He hated the name they'd given him. If anything, it was even worse than Grouchy. "Fine." He ground out, taking the basket. At least with the baby asleep he'd get to eat first.

She smiled at him before she left to sit down. As stubborn as that smurf was, he'd likely try to find the 'missing' child first before he told anyone. If he was smart he'd just play along. She sat down with the usual crowd. Chief was absent from the table again. Was their leader taking his meals alone now? Clever wasn't sitting with them either, nor was Bumbles.

She looked out at the other tables, finally locating the glasses wearing smurf at a table with his usual clumsy shadow, as well as a redheaded female, Surgery, and the clones of Handy, Vexy, Farmer, and Sassette. After a moment of wondering at that peculiarity, she turned back to her food.

**00000**

The name Gluttony had stuck, despite the plump smurf's attempts to deny it. He glared at the brown haired smurfette, who was laughing at something said at the table. What made the humiliation worse was he still wanted her. And now she was sitting with another group like nothing happened at all. Put him to sleep in the middle of a meal, would she?

The smurf plotted possible revenge.

Three tables down, Surgery was oblivious. Vexy, calling herself Maddy now, had convinced Comic to retell the 'horrible smurfs to run into' joke. Planter gave them annoyed looks after having to clap his hands over the smurfling's ears a few times. Sassy was annoyed because she wasn't deemed old enough to hear the jokes.

"All right, we'll stop." Maddy grinned. "I've been wanting to corner miss mystery smurfette for a while now anyway." She looked at the brown haired female. Comic had already revealed who she was.

The healer raised a brow. "I wouldn't mind bein cornered." She grinned flirtatiously at the dark haired smurfette.

The comedian choked on her drink, sputtering a laugh. Fix, Planter, and Builder just gave her the oddest look.

The former naughtie huffed. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Who were you before you became a smurf?"

Surgery looked annoyed. "I was a dryad from another dimension. I'm trapped in this dimension and I'm permanently a smurf, so I'm rollin with it."

"Another dimension?" Maddy leaned forward. "So there are really other dimensions?

"Ah." The medic grinned. "So you know multidimensional theory. Good. Short answer, yes there are an infinite number of dimensions out there. I'm from just one of the nearby ones."

"Dimension?" Fix asked, intrigued.

The healer looked at the others at the table. Time for an explanation. She looked at the table and picked up the salt shaker. "Ok, imagine the village, the oceans, the whole world, sun, moon, all the stars and everythin beyond them."

She tipped the salt shaker and got a grain of salt onto one finger, holding it up. "All'a that is represented by this granule of salt. That is this dimension."

Then she put the grain into the palm of her hand before she filled it with more salt. "Each one of these lil bits of salt represents another dimension. In them, there are other worlds, other moons, other stars. They're all right next to each other, an those close to each other are usually pretty similar. But the number of dimensions out there is infinite, there's no end to the number. Anythin you can imagine actually exists in another dimension."

Fix sat back in his chair. "That's amazing."

"So there are dimensions where I was made a grown up?" Sassy asked, nose scrunched in distaste.

"Multiple ones. Just like there are dimensions where you were never created at all. Dimensions where you were made a baby, or made a boy." Surgery raised a brow when the redhead snorted at the last bit.

"Just smurfing that Snappy would make a smurf." Comic laughed. "That's too funny!"

"There are likely multiple dimensions where genders are reversed. So it'd make sense there, wouldn't it?" The healer countered.

"Me? A Smurfette? I just couldn't see it. That's a bit smurfed up." Builder said, shifting a bit in his seat. The comedian giggled, a prank forming in her mind.

Lunch wound down, the smurfs at the table talking about the possibilities of different dimensions.


	13. Ch 11: Making Progress

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Suspicious is as fun to write as Vanity is. X3**

**Reviews: -Lac Lausanne: From what I know of Dr. Who, I think it'd be funny to see that. X3 And yeah, my nerdiness is being shown in this fic.**

Chapter 11: Making Progress

The transformed smurfs woke up to the sound of an explosion. Papa and Homnibus were coughing and waving away smoke from a ruined potion. The sun was just beginning to rise.

"I daresay we've gotten that last bit wrong." The human wizard was coughing and chuckling.

"I think," Papa trailed off as he coughed, "that it's a smurfy thing we're bad and being bad." He laughed and it trailed into a coughing fit.

"Everything all right?" Johan called from the couch. Near him, Peewit stretched and yawned.

"Oh fine, fine. A slight miscalculation. All part of experimental spells." The elderly human waved his hand dismissively.

"But I believe we're on the right track." Papa smurf rubbed his beard. It was hard to tell if he picked up the habit from his human friend or vice versa.

The two launched into a discussion about metaphysical properties of ingredients that left the miniature knight entirely perplexed. By the time all the transformed smurfs and sleeping teen were up, the discussion had wound down. Homnibus had Justin fetch some eggs while he made breakfast.

The seven smurfs and two humans sat at the table (or on it) to eat. Peewit busied himself working through a portion almost as large as the humans.

"So, for those of us unaccustomed to magic, how close do you reckon you are?" Finn asked.

"If these next few tests are successful, very close indeed." Papa answered.

"What we are trying to do is undo the spell that has changed you all into true smurfs. Unfortunately, to counter a blessing, one needs a curse." The human brushed crumbs from his beard.

Quintz chuckled nervously. "You're going to curse us back human."

Peewit grinned. "I've seen stranger."

Justin left for Wizard's school after breakfast, the six smurfs were left to occupy their time amongst themselves. Samuel pulled a deck of cards from his pocket and the four bandits plus Peewit settled in for a game.

Johan had other plans. The former human wanted to test out his physical abilities. He'd seen smurfs do running leaps that were a least three times their height. The couch arms were about that tall. He backed up, judged the distance, and sprinted forward.

He jumped, but misjudged the distance and flew over the arm of the couch, tumbling onto the cushions. The knight grinned. This would be an interesting test.

The five playing cards were using a book as a table, sitting on the floor. Quintz watched the acrobatic smurf's second attempt where he had to pull himself up onto the arm of the couch from a standing jump.

"Does he always do that? Flit about like a squirrel?" The farmer asked.

"That's Johan, always training. Looks like he's seeing what he can do as a smurf." Peewit explained as he frowned over his cards.

Samuel turned to watch the smurf for a few moments. He laid his cards down on the book. "I'm out, I want to try that."

Lars jumped up, tossing down his cards. "Aye, that's almost flying!" The two headed over to the couch.

"Well, should we join or play?" Finn looked at Quintz and the dwarf.

"Aw. I think I was winning." The jester complained.

"I think I'm too old for that." The farmer chuckled. "Not enough for Spades... Gleek?"

"Sure." Finn said absently, watching his brother take a running jump that had him going over the couch arm. The dwarf nodded at Quintz. He collected the cards and delt another hand.

The trio at the couch were soon competing against each other, racing on foot or trying to outdo the others in jumping. Johan managed to find a few small sticks for them to practice swordplay on. The group at the book were often distracted by their antics.

Time passed quickly.

**00000**

"I told you you should've smurfed to Doctor's yesterday." Slouchy pointed out as he helped his friend to the office. Snappy grumbled from his bent-over state and the smurf pretended not to hear. The side-hat wearing smurf knocked at the door, hearing a voice just before it opened. Dabbler was there, clad in his usual coat.

It only took the physician a moment to see what was wrong. "Oh my, I can smurf the problem. Come in, please."

The two smurfs entered the little infirmary, a row of half a dozen beds to their right, shelves and drawers of medical supplies and books to their left. Further into the building the area was walled off, leading to two exam rooms. Doctor's desk was positioned in front of the bookshelf. Medic was there, holding a stack of three books.

"Snappy, just smurf with me." All business, the doctor led the bent-over smurf back to the first exam room. The two smurfs left in the main room watched the door to the exam room quietly.

"I wish he'd let me help." The smurfette said suddenly.

Slouchy looked at her. "Has he smurfed you a reason?"

The female frowned, looking at the floor. "He said he wanted to verify my medical knowledge. I thought demonstratin my abilities would be enough though."

"Your abilities?" The laid back smurf queried.

"Yeah, I know healin magic. Anythin short of brain death I can fix." She looked at the exam room door again.

The smurf was quiet while he thought about this. "That smurfs pretty impressive. Maybe Dabbler thinks you're gonna smurf his job."

"I wouldn't, the more healers a group has the better." Medic looked at the male. "And why did you call him Dabbler? I've heard that a few times before from other smurfs."

"Before he was smurfed Doctor, Dabbler was a smurf who tried out all kinds of jobs. He never really smurfed with one until he found this one. None of us really thought he'd smurf with it, but he did."

The brown haired female looked at the ground again. "So maybe he's thinkin he'll lose focus if there's somebody else doin the job." She jerked suddenly, looking back up at the smurf. "What if I tried teachin him healing magic? Think he'd jump on that idea?"

"I smurf so. At least it'd make him feel smurfier about you being a healer too." Slouchy smiled. While his best friend didn't get injured as often as Clumsy, due to his impulsive nature he did get injured more often than the average smurf. He glanced at the smurfette again and had the urge to flirt. He asked her a few questions about herself instead. The former dryad wound up explaining about dimensions to him, using the example of a grain of sand.

Doctor opened the door to the exam room, leading Snappy to lie down on one of the beds that lined the wall. "If you wouldn't over smurf yoursmurf you'd be a lot better off." The physician admonished.

"That's what everysmurf tells me." The impulsive smurf grumbled as he lay down on the closest bed on his stomach.

Medic put the books down on the desk. "Hey Doctor," She started, then looked at Slouchy. "Uh, I didn't ask yer name, sorry." The coat clad smurf looked at her curiously.

"It's Slouchy." The smurf supplied.

"Thanks!" She smiled, more animated now that she was excited about something. "Doctor, Slouchy gave me this great idea. I should try teachin ya healin magic. 'Cause, ya know, the more healers around the better."

Dabbler looked at her skeptically, rubbing his left wrist with his right hand. "And you smurf you could smurf me how to do that?"

"Sure!" She chirped excitedly. "I've done it before. I just have to figure out how to do it without downloading the info right into yer brain 'cause I'm not a telepath anymore." She looked thoughtful. "It'll be slower going, that's for sure."

"Telepath?" The doctor asked uncertainly. The smurfs looked at the female curiously.

Medic looked surprised. Maybe there was another name for them here, she assumed. "Ya know, when somebody's able to talk with their mind to another person's mind. Or give or get information from them mentally."

"I'm smurfing you mean not with their voices." Slouchy reasoned.

"Nope, just mind to mind. Or ya can pull a bunch of minds into a mindscape and converse there at the speed 'a thought. You can share information in minutes when it'd take hours in real time." The healer explained. She frowned. "Too bad I can't do it anymore. I could'a pulled groups into my mindscape and exchanged all kinds of information."

That didn't sound like a good thing to Snappy. More like an invasion of privacy. Especially the bit where she could read minds. "Sounds smurfy." He quipped sarcastically.

If the female noticed the sarcasm she didn't acknowledge it. "Have you ever used magic before?" She asked Doctor.

"Not unless applying salves or smurfing potions to smurfs count. Papa, Smurfette, Brainy, and Alchemist have more smurf with magic." The physician said uneasily.

Medic tapped her chin, thinking. "I wonder where yer main well is."

"In the middle of the village?" The smurf was confused. Slouchy leaned against the bookshelf, watching curiously.

The former dryad laughed. "No, I mean yer main well of magic. It's usually in one of seven spots in the torso or head."

The female approached him and he resisted the urge to step back. "What are you smurfing?"

"Sorry, I was goin to do a diagnostic spell on you, it'll show where yer magic is most concentrated, where it's produced essentially. Could be yer head, eyes, throat, heart, lungs, core, or seat. At least that's the usual spots."

"Alright." The smurf allowed. It made him nervous and a bit excited to have her in close proximity, not that he wanted to admit it.

The female murmured something that seemed to echo strangely in his ears. He felt the slight tingle of magic on his skin, like the times Papa turned them all into Swoofs. Nothing else seemed to happen.

After a moment Dabbler decided to speak. "Why can't I smurf anything different?"

"Ya can't see anythin different 'cause the spell is centered on my own eyes. If it were dark in here ya'll could see 'em glowin." Medic answered distractedly. "I wonder if this is normal for a smurf."

The doctor looked from her eyes to her hands worriedly. "What do you smurf, if it's normal? What are you smurfing?"

"Well, ya've got a main well at yer heart, but yer core at yer navel is acting as a well too. Smaller, but it's significant enough that if the one at yer heart ever quit workin you could utilize the other one with a bit more practice." The female looked at him. "I've never seen anythin like it."

He noticed the glow in her eyes then. "Well what does that smurf?"

She blinked and the glow stopped. "Aside from me being able to teach ya easily, I donno. Not sure if that's common or not." She turned, looking at the smurf leaning against the wall. "Slouchy, could I look at you too?"

"Sure." Intrigued, the laid back smurf walked over.

"Hey, I'm here too." Snappy grumbled.

"Thanks for volunteerin. The more data on this the better." Medic grinned. She cast the spell again and was silent while she studied the results.

Finally she blinked before she spoke. "Just the one well in yer head. Interestin..."

The two males that were standing glanced at each other, then watched as Medic walked over to where the injured smurf lay and cast her spell again. At least, they started watching, then became distracted by the female. Her pants were regular white smurf pants, but they accentuated her bottom and the smurfs were entranced.

"Core for you. And ouch, man, yer back's out of alignment." She bent over the impulsive smurf's back to get a better look. Whatever salve had been rubbed onto the injured area was taking care of the muscle strain and sprain there, but it either wasn't strong enough or wasn't formulated to realign the spine.

The healer hummed, prodding at Snappy's back gingerly. "Hey Doctor, can ya come feel this?"

Dabbler was still staring at the female's rear and his mind went on a completely different track at the question. "Gladly."

"Do ya know any Chiropractic stuff?" The female stood and asked as he approached.

"Ah, what?" The physician blinked. He realized what he was thinking and blushed. Shaking off his embarrassment, he looked at where the brown haired smurfette was pointing.

"Chiropractic is where ya use massage and adjustments ta help injuries to bones and muscles." Medic explained, oblivious. "Snappy's back is out of alignment. See? Feel right here." She showed the smurf where to press. After a few checks between the injured area and an uninjured one, the smurf nodded.

"It smurfs different than up here." Doctor agreed.

"So now the easiest way to do that is to put yer palm here like this," She positioned his hands. "And then push straight down, fast and hard. You'll know ya got it if ya feel or hear a pop."

Looking doubtful, the doctor tried it. The muffled crack that followed was easily heard.

Snappy made a sound between a groan and a laugh in relief. "That just smurfed a lot of the pain away."

The smurfette smiled. "See? Easy. We've probably got a lot we can teach each other."

"I wouldn't smurf if you taught me a few things." Dabbler wasn't thinking at the moment, only realizing the way he'd said what he did when the female blushed and backed away.

"Ah, s-sorry for settin that off. I'll just. Um. Go make some lesson plans. For magic lessons." She stammered, darting for the door. She was gone before any of the smurfs could call her back, even leaving the books she'd planned on borrowing on the desk.

On the bed, Snappy laughed. "You smurfed really romantic there, Dabbler." Slouchy chuckled silently nearby.

Doctor groaned.

**00000**

Huntress sat quietly in Tailor's shop, sewing up another pair of pants. Tracker had left after breakfast to plan a hunting trip with Hunter.

She was sulking because he didn't want to invite her. Had it been another activity, like the sewing she was doing now, she wouldn't have minded being left to her own devices. But he was doing something fun. At least her emotions weren't jumbled on this, she was jealous and she knew it.

The redhead pricked her finger with the needle and hissed in pain.

"Bubeh, you've been smurfing like you're in a mood for most of the morning. Care to smurf about it?" Tailor asked kindly.

Did all smurfs think talking solved everything? She thought for a moment before she grumbled her complaint. "Tracker and Hunter are going on a hunting trip without me."

The clothier smiled as he pulled a few more stitches through a small square cloth. "Missing him already?"

The female snorted. "More like he gets to do something fun. If he wanted to go off hunting fungus like he says he does I wouldn't mind." She carefully untangled a bit of thread that had gotten knotted.

While the sewer didn't think hunting sounded at all fun, he did recognize that the smurfette he was talking to was named after the activity. "So you smurf left out." He reasoned.

The former feline sighed. "Jealous, yeah." Both smurfs looked up as Weaver entered the shop. The smurf had gone out to gather more flax. Depending on how it was prepared, the fiber could be made into thread or linen. Most of the bundle was going towards linen.

"So you won't believe what Clumsy smurfed me while we were gathering." The smurf started as he sorted out the large bundle. "Apparently that smurfette that was smurfing Alchemist this morning? It was Jokey."

"Oi vey." Tailor shook his head. "Another prank, I'm smurfing."

"Not this time!" The cloth making smurf exclaimed. "He's smurffriends with Alchemist. Or should I say she." He dangled the gossip out for a moment before he finished. "Apparently there's been some potions smurfnanagins."

"Jokey's the one with the boxes that explode, right?" Huntress asked.

"That's the one." Tailor supplied as he finished up another didey. "Unbelieveable. Those two. I would've smurfed it was a prank."

"Is it common for two smurfs to be together like that?" The redhead had been distracted from her mood with her own curiosity. There were only males until Gargamel made Smurfette. Maybe it was normal.

"Vanity and Mirror became smurffriends about six smurfs ago after he smurfed back from the other world." The sewer started thoughtfully. "Really, I don't smurf any of us thought about romance much until Smurfette smurfed along. Then every smurf loses their heads in the spring. Or maybe we just never smurfed that way because there were no females."

"What about faeries or pixies or those other fey?" The former feline countered.

"They never smurfed around long enough, or lived in the village the way Smurfette does." Weaver added in. "Though Handy did fall smurfily fast for Marina."

"Who?" The female arched a brow.

"She's a mermaid. She smurfed us a while after Smurfette came along. She was smurfing for a herb to save her father. Handy was smitten from the word smurf." Tailor answered.

"If I smurf right, Marina wasn't much better." Weaver chuckled.

"How would that even work?" Huntress wondered. Mermaids couldn't live on land and she was certain smurfs couldn't breathe underwater.

"It doesn't. They smurf each other at the beach or here at the lakeshore, but that's just meeting. They certainly can't live anywhere together." Tailor shrugged as he eyed a torn pair of pants and deemed them too far gone to fix. Into the scraps bin they went.

"Can't they magic up a way? Or even transform the mermaid into a smurf?" If it was one thing the redhead was good at, it was pointing out solutions to things. She did it enough times for Gargamel at least. She was not missing the old codger. No. She wasn't.

"It might work, to transmurf her into a smurfette, but I think she's a Princess and next in line to rule her kingdom." The clothier said. "That would smurf it kind of hard to stay here."

"So then change Handy into a mermaid... uh... merman? Mersmurf." The former feline pointed out.

"The village would probably smurf apart in a few weeks." Weaver laughed. "Handy smurfs a lot of things. Fixing and inventing. He never smurfs a break, that one."

"Like us." Tailor quipped as he picked up a bolt of cloth and started measuring.

"So neither of you have ever been on any adventures?" Huntress asked as she carefully tied off her thread.

The twins thought for a moment before the sewer grinned. "Let me smurf you about the time a gnome was after Smurfette and I smurfed Hefty with a disguise."

From the way the clothmaker chortled, the redhead knew she was in for an amusing tale.

**00000**

Tracker traced the route on the map that was laid out on Hunter's table. "So we'll head south, then east, smurf around behind Gargamel's old place and then take a smurfular route to the north of the village." The bowsmurf nodded, grinning.

It would be a whole new trip, as generally when the wizard was alive they'd avoid the area entirely. But the promise of a small bit of adventure had both smurfs enthused about the trip.

"So, ven, not inviting the dame to smurf along with us?" The archer finally asked the question he'd been wanting to since his best friend had showed up alone.

The woodsmurf rolled up the map. "I wasn't sure if it'd be smurfy to invite Huntress along or not." He hesitated. It'd been his intention to bring up his smurffriend's identity at some point during the trip. Now seemed like a good time though.

Hunter laughed. "I know we usually smurf away from the temptation, ven, but from what I've smurfed she likes you too. I wouldn't smurf jealous."

Yes. Now was the time. "So I'm smurfing Wooly and Herder did keep their smurfs closed." At the bowsmurf's raised brow he continued. "Huntress and I are smurffriends, mate. Those two berks evesmurfed on us and found out what I'm smurfing you now."

The archer smiled. "So that's what they were smurfing. Trist thing to smurf to a ven though. Very sad."

"They also smurfed out who Huntress was." Tracker continued.

"Who she was? I do not smurf your meaning." The smurf tilted his head, confused.

"This doesn't smurf farther than you and me." The woodsmurf paused for a moment, letting that sink in. "Huntress wasn't a created smurfette, she was transmurfed from a cat. Azreal to be smurfcise."

Hunter laughed before he looked up at his friend. He wasn't laughing, which killed the mirth from the danish smurf. "It's a joke right?"

The bloodhound smurf shook his head. "Afraid not."

"Store Smølfen." The smurf sat back in his chair.

The silence stretched until Tracker shifted uneasily in his chair. He knew his friend needed time to think about it, but worried at what conclusion he'd come to.

Finally the bowsmurf looked at him. "It smurfs a little dangerous, ven. She could be tricking you."

The woodsmurf shook his head. "It's no trick. When she was transmurfed into a real smurf, some magic between her and Gargamel was desmurfed. Honestly there are times I worry I'm smurfing advantage of her. She smurfs so confused about her emotions."

Hunter frowned. "And what if she smurfs to get married? Have smurflings? Could you... Have you smurfed of..." He couldn't bring himself to say it.

The british smurf started to laugh. "That shan't be a problem." He chuckled before grinning cheekily.

"You didn't!" The bowsmurf leaned forward as his friend laughed again. "You did! Utroligt, unbelieveable!" The smurf sputtered, completely at a loss.

Tracker slowly got his laughter under control. "I forget how amusing you smurf when you're gobsmacked." It usually took quite a bit to get the archer to the point of sputtering.

"So you ... and her..." The danish smurf managed.

"Yes." The woodsmurf leaned back at his friend's accusatory look. "Don't smurf at me like that. I never started it. In fact, I smurf protesting the first time, at least until..." He cleared his throat, blushing and unwilling to continue.

Hunter chuckled. "Until she smurfvinced you?"

"Quite." The bloodhound smurf agreed. He looked at the rolled up map. "I may have also smurfed a bit selfish in not inviting Azzy. This is all smurfing so quickly, I need some time alone to sort myself out. It's been three days and my world's been smurfed upside down." He didn't mention that the female distracted him completely, more intoxicating than smurfberry wine.

"I can smurf that, ven. I'm only hearing of it and I'm smurfing dizzy." The bowsmurf patted his best friend's arm.

"She was smurfing yesterday when we were oversmurfed that it was possible she could already be pregnant. I was a fool not to smurf of that earlier." He shook his head. "It's not that I regret it, but I smurf time to think."

"Dizzier and dizzier. No wonder Herder and Wooly have smurfed so quiet." The archer nodded. "Yes, you need to think. She can smurf on the next hunt." If the smurf was truthful to himself, he needed to think as well.

"So, tomorrow morning we smurf at the bridge?" Tracker asked.

"Ja, ven." Hunter answered distractedly.

The woodsmurf stood up. "I'll be smurfing then. Cheerio, my friend." With a wave, he headed out, hearing the bosmurf's farewell behind him. Once outside, the smurf turned and headed for Tailor's. He waved at Handy and Vexy as he walked by.

**00000**

"And he'll be ok with making all of these plates?" Vexy asked skeptically as she looked at the blueprints for the underwater dome.

Handy waved back at Tracker as they passed each other. "He'll probably think it's smurfy. Blacksmith usually doesn't have much work outside of smurfing tools or making silverware. Though he does smurf grumpy if he doesn't know you." The inventor tapped his chin. "What was it that he smurfed me once... smiles must be earned, not given."

"Great." The brunette said unenthusiastically. As they walked by one of the houses, Painter darted out with a sketchpad clutched in one hand. He shut the door and leaned against it, looking disturbed.

"What's wrong, Painter?" Handy called out to the artist. "You look like you've smurfed a ghost."

"Too much passion." The french smurf answered shakily. "Sacre blu, I only smurfed for zem to kiss like at ze breakfast table!" Handy realized the implications and blushed down to his neck.

Curious, Vexy peeked in the window. She grinned and watched.

Painter looked at her twitching tail in disapproval. "Débauché! Smurf away from zere!" He grabbed the female's wrist and pulled her away.

"Aw, come on, that's better than pay-per-view!" The former naughtie complained. "You should watch, you could learn a thing or two." She teased the two smurfs. She didn't think the engineer could get any more red, but he managed it somehow.

The artist on the other hand, started to shoo them away. "Go, go, I 'ave everything smurfed under control. I will smurf care of zis."

The smurfette snickered, "What kind of taking care would that be?"

Painter blushed then, scowling. "Smurf out of 'ere!"

Wisely, Handy grabbed a laughing Vexy by the wrist and trotted away. He knew the french smurf's ire was nothing to be trifled with. After they were far enough away, he slowed and let her arm go. "Where they really..." he trailed off, not sure if he wanted the answer.

"Yeah, really enthusiastically." The black haired smurfette laughed. "You guys need to lighten up." She looked at the engineer. "Smurfs in the village do know about sex right?"

The blush returned. "Yes, we've all smurfed the talk from Papa." He stumbled over the next word. "S-smurfing isn't something that's usually smurfed about." How could she be so unfazed?

The former naughtie snickered. "Mating huh? How technical." She had to turn quickly to follow the blushing smurf as he headed up to a house shaped like a rock.

Blacksmith's house was different from the other mushroom houses. Constructed of fireproof brick, mortar, and stone with camouflage that appeared like a rock. Part of the building was a simple roof over what appeared to be a natural jut of the rock. There next to an open air forge stood a smurf in a black apron, as they approached he slammed his hammer down on a yellow-hot piece of metal situated over an anvil. The rhythmic clank-clank-clank of his hammering didn't let up even when they stood just outside of the stone paved area.

"Smurfy morning, Blacksmith." Handy called over the ringing of the hammer blows.

"Yтро, friend. Is fine morning for smurfing metal." The metal worker didn't look up from his creation, the hot metal was starting to cool. It was almost the shape of a shovel. He pushed the metal back into the fire before looking up. "Ah, so you have smurfed some plans then? Let us smurf a look, da?"

Engineer and smith walked toward each other, the former passing his blueprints to the latter. The apron-wearing smurf looked them over as the inventor explained.

"I had the idea to smurf a sort of living area under the water. The plates overlap to help smurf them watertight." Handy pointed at a few of the drawings.

Blacksmith hummed in thought. "It may be better to smurf plates with casting instead of smurfing out every one. Is more smurfcise, all plates would be same."

"That's a smurfy idea! We'll have to smurf Sculptor." Handy started.

"Would you be able to cast the whole dome?" Vexy asked from beside Handy. She'd walked up while the two smurfs were talking.

"Is good idea." The smith rubbed his chin. "Hard to smurf, but good idea." He nodded his approval as he walked back to the forge. Pulling out the half-finished shovel, he started hammering again.

Talking loudly over the noise, the three smurfs discussed methods and the plan for the dome.

**00000**

"Glad you smurfed me up on my offer, Lazy." Fisher checked his lure before he cast his line out into the pond. He'd already thanked his companion a few times, but twice now the smurf had been asleep. He'd spent most of the morning asleep.

Lazy yawned, after his first cast, he hadn't bothered taking the line in. The smurf lay on the bank with his arms under his head. The fishing pole was planted in the ground near his foot so that it would nudge him if he got a bite. "You were right, this is relaxing." He finally drawled.

There was nothing better than fishing in Fisher's opinion. Tranquil views that let you contemplate anything punctuated by moments of excitement if you got a bite. So far the pair had had no luck though. Just a strange empty basket that the fish catching smurf had pulled in moments ago.

It looked like one of the baskets from the village, so somesmurf had probably lost it over the bridge or something. It wasn't uncommon for him to fish up random items, so he laid it on the bank next to him with the intention of returning the thing to the mess hall. If it didn't belong there, then the smurf who lost it would find it there.

A soft snore made him look over at his fishing buddy. Lazy was asleep again. Well, at least he wasn't here alone today. He noticed the bobber on his line sink below the surface and sat a little taller. It went under again and this time he felt the tug on his line.

The smurf pulled the rod, reeling in the line as it went slack. The fish didn't feel too large, which was lucky as they could get big enough to yank him into the pond. Pulling and reeling, the smurf exhausted the fish and finally pulled it out of the water. It was about as long as his arm and twice as fat.

Fisher laughed gleefully. "Lazy, wake up and smurf a look at this!"

The sleepy smurf cracked open an eye and looked. "That's really smurfy, Fisher." He smiled tiredly.

"A few more of these smurfs and Chef could smurf a smurfy stew." The smurf announced proudly. In the distance, the bell rang for lunch. He took the fish off the hook and tied a string through the gills to carry it.

"Smurfing of food." Lazy stretched and started reeling his line in. He carefully secured the hook to the pole and watched as the fish carrying smurf scooped up the basket he'd found. The two made their way back to the village, heading towards the mess hall.

**00000**

Tracker arrived at Tailor's just before lunch. He hadn't know he'd be gone most of the morning, but the idea to change their route came to them in the middle of planning the first. He knocked on the door, hearing laughter.

"Smurf in!" Even after more than a century of knowing them he still couldn't tell the twin's voices apart. He headed inside, though the three smurfs inside were more preoccupied with the story being told.

"You've got to finish!" Huntress exclaimed. "What happened after the gnome ran off with the other gnome?"

"You'll barely besmurf this, but the two gnomes got married. Hefty was the best smurf!" Weaver chortled as he wove the shuttle through the loom again.

The woodsmurf smiled. He knew that tale, even though he and Hunter were out hunting for most of it. He leaned against the doorframe. "I wish I'd been here to smurf that."

"The only thing I regret about that is that it smurfed Jokey the idea." Tailor grumped, putting away his sewing carefully. "He'll even smurf Smurfette's dresses and shoes from time to time to smurf pranks."

"He's going to smurf even worse now. I'd wager Lucky anysmurf that he'll figure out a way to smurf back and forth between smurf and smurfette just for pranks." The smurf at the loom said as he placed the shuttle carefully where he could resume working after lunch.

"Oi vey." His brother groaned. "At least that curly red hair is easy to smurf."

Tracker shook his head. "That's Jokey for you." He agreed ruefully.

The redhead put away her work and stretched her hands, flexing them like claws. Given the story that made the morning pass by quickly, the smurfette's mood was improved.

The woodsmurf watched her for only a moment before walking over. "Care to accompany me to lunch, love?"

Huntress looked up at the bloodhound smurf skeptically. "I'm still annoyed I don't get to go." She stood and took his offered arm anyway.

Weaver nudged Tailor, mouthing 'I smurfed you so.' The clothier shrugged and pulled his brother out the door.

"I could smurf it up to you." Tracker smiled at her.

"Bribery will get you everywhere." She purred at him.

He recognized her look and blushed. "We should smurf to lunch." He led the way out of the shop. They were quiet as they strolled to the mess hall.

The cafeteria was abuzz with the usual noise of dozens of conversations being held at once. Fisher was holding his hands out at the table, likely telling about another fish he'd caught. The pair sat down, just in time to hear the end of the tale.

"And it was almost as long as my arm, you can smurf for yourself if you ask Chef." The smurf had two fishing rods with him and was grinning happily.

"What was as long as your arm?" The redhead asked.

"The fish I smurfed just before lunch." Fisher said proudly.

That caught the former feline's attention. Fishing on a grassy bank was something she enjoyed doing with her former master. Granted, Gargamel did all the work while she slept beside him or swatted at the freshly caught flopping fish.

"Hey, could I try that? Are you going fishing after lunch?" She knew how to swat fish out of streams using her claws, but that wouldn't work as a smurf.

"I'd be happy to." He beamed. Talk at the table turned to fishing, meandering slowly as topics tend to do.

**00000**

Suspicious had arrived on time for once. So, where to sit? He wondered as he looked around the cafeteria. Hmm. He sat down at Greedy's table, eyeing the two smurfs there as they looked at him curiously.

"Hey Suspicious." The ample smurf said neutrally. What was he up to now?

"Yer name's Suspicious?" Medic asked, grinning. "So yer paranoid all the time or somethin?"

The cagey smurf finished chewing before he answered. "It's not paranoia if it's all smurf."

"What's all true?" The female asked.

"You'll have to smurf observant and find out for yoursmurf." The paranoid smurf narrowed his eyes at the brunette.

Greedy pointed at the other male. "Don't start that unsmurfyness." He looked at the healer. "He thinks everysmurf is out to get him. And something about humans trying to take over the world."

Suspicious glared at the part-time cook. "It's not all the humans, it's the magic smurfing humans. Smurf it right if you're going to smurf me." He pointedly ignored the plump smurf rolling his eyes.

"I was startin to say, humans already took over the world. They breed like bunnies and spread out like locusts. 'S pretty awesome if you think about it. Compared to animals like bears and lions, humans are pretty fragile. It's that crazy adaptability that gives 'em a leg up." She used her fork to spear a smurfberry. "That's not to say they don't shoot themselves in the foot with shortsighted thinking."

"Shoot themselves in the foot?" The ample smurf repeated. He was getting used to having to ask the smurfette about her different idioms.

"Oh yeah, firearms ain't that common here yet are they. It's a term that comes from when yer using a ranged weapon... where I'm from it's guns. They use explosive powder to fire a ball or cone of lead out of a metal tube. Like a tiny cannon ya can hold in yer hand. The problem is that if you've got one ready to fire and yer careless with it, it can go off and hurt ya."

Suspicious frowned. What was all this? "And where are you smurfed exactly?"

"From another dimension." The female supplied. Then she had to explain that.

The paranoid smurf was quiet after that. Other dimensions, where anything was possible? It had to be some sort of cover story. He couldn't prove it, but he couldn't disprove it either. From what he knew of Gargamel and Hogatha, those two wouldn't be clever enough to come up with such a story. He'd have to watch this one. She may be a higher ranked HWG agent. He listened to the two smurfs at the table talk about nothing.

It was pretty obvious after a few minutes that the plump smurf was enamored with the smurfette. She was friendly back, she didn't seem to be returning his affections. That wasn't really unusual, he'd seen it before in Smurfette. So was she trying to compromise Greedy? To what end?

With dawning horror, Suspicious's mind supplied an answer. Food. There was some plot afoot with their food supply! The cagey smurf stopped himself from screaming, but only just barely. He pushed his plate away and got up, stalking back out of the mess hall. It was time to open up his emergency supply of food... again. At least he had time to restock this time. There were plenty of those tasteless bars that the woodsy crowd like to use for hiking food.

He sighed as he walked back to his house. He was going to miss the taste of porridge for breakfast.

Back in the mess hall, Medic looked at the door again. "So is he always like that?"

"Suspicious doesn't smurf change very well. And in less than a week we've smurfed six new smurfs and Gargamel's been smurfed. I think he's smurfing it pretty well actually." The smurf paused to take a drink of juice. "You should've smurfed him when Smurfette first came along. He had some pretty unsmurfy screaming fits about how we were all doomed."

"Yikes." The female frowned.

"Hey, I thought you were going to smurf some books from Dabbler?" Greedy asked after the thought occurred to him.

The healer looked down at her plate. "I was. He actually listened to me an I got to help. Then Slouchy gave me the idea to teach Doctor some healing magic. But then he started that Spring Fever stuff an I got all flustered an' bailed."

The plump smurf wasn't sure if he should be jealous or elated. He settled for curious. "You didn't smurf away when I slipped." He pointed out.

"I guess I kinda categorized Doctor as an authority figure in my head." Medic smiled warmly at her tablemate. "And I donno why, but yer really easy to talk to."

With a thoroughly besotted smile, the smurf asked. "Really?"

"Yes really." She chuckled, looking down at her plate again. She wondered about that smile, but wrote it off as the smurf being excited she was friendly to him. It couldn't be a crush, could it? The healer started eating again, wondering if it was wise to entertain any thoughts when she was sort of mourning the loss of her old life. But it wasn't her life, not really. She was a new being, albeit with memories of another.

The problem was she'd had this mental train of thought running circles in her head for days. She knew she was dwelling on it, but until she resolved it emotionally she couldn't let it rest. Any thoughts of romance would just have to wait.


	14. SF Side Story: Painting Passion

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**So this scene came to me as I was writing chapter 11, but I resisted the temptation to write it out then. More Alkey antics, plus fluffiness because hey, it's Valentines Day. X3**

*****Extra warning: explicit sex ahead!**

SF Side Story: Painting Passion

The knock on the door had the red coat wearing smurf rushing to open it. There stood his two models for the day and he bid them to come in.

"So, you smurfed something about 'capturing the passion'?" The brewer asked. The artist was using the smaller studio in his house today, nearly half the smurf's house was taken up by the area. Paints neatly resting on shelves taking up most of the circular wall to their left, in front of that was a table and easel. Under the window opposite the door was a chaise, likely placed there so that models would have various amounts of light depending on the time of day. To the couple's right lay the walled off portion of the house dedicated to their host's bedroom.

"Oui! All I need you to smurf, iz to show ze same passion you did at breakfast." Painter waved a hand at a chair that sat by itself in the middle of the studio area, angled to allow the artist to draw the two models as viewed from the side. The easel and paints were ready, along with a sketchpad resting on the small table.

Jokey giggled as Alchemist led the way to the chair. The prankster couldn't remember a time when the village artist actually wanted to paint her portrait. But that was usually because she was pressing his buttons by moving.

The potioneer sat down, letting the female straddle him again. The position had him reacting within moments. The two lovers looked at each other.

"Oh! Stay. Stay just like zat for one smurf." Painter started sketching. He was fast enough that he could almost capture a bird mid-flight, but those sketches were rough and had to be filled in from memory. He took a little longer with this one, making it more detailed.

Only the brewer noticed a mischievous glint in the comedian's eye. He quirked a brow in response. The redhead only smiled wider.

"Très bon!" The artist said as he finished. "Now, ze kiss?" For a moment he was worried the two would back out.

Jokey cupped her lover's face and kissed him. She moaned when he deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her. The smurfette slipped her arms around Alchemist's neck.

Painter was excited to be drawing something so passionate, every line brought him closer to fulfilling the obsession he'd had. It was something he'd pictured in a dream. He finished his second sketch. The couple didn't look like they'd mind posing for a bit longer. ...In fact they didn't look like they were paying attention to him at all. He started on a third sketch.

With her hand that the artist wasn't able to see, the prankster started to trail gentle lines up and down her lover's side. He growled into her mouth, arms moving to her rear and giving her a squeeze.

The sketching smurf jumped when the potioneer growled, making him have to erase a line. He wasn't sure if that was normal for his male model or not. He was just starting to sketch out the changed position of the brewer's arm and noticed the fingers flexing. Perhaps this was starting to get out of hand? He shook his head, he'd finish this sketch and then it would be done.

Jokey pulled back from the kiss and started to kiss Alchemist's neck on the side away from their audience. He moaned as she added to the pleasure by grinding against him. She was close to pushing him over the edge, she knew. Then he wouldn't care if they were being watched or not. It was new and exciting, something that always made the redhead aroused. Just like her little discovery with the oil a few weeks ago.

Painter had told himself that he'd stop after three. But that expression! The potioneer almost looked like he was in pain, or begging. He flipped the paper and started another sketch.

The prankster was sure she'd left a couple of darker red-blue patches on her lover's skin. He wouldn't care, she was sure. He growled again, long and low. She smiled against his skin. Get ready for a surprise, Painter. She thought gleefully.

Two could play at this game, the potioneer thought. Almost lazily, he ran his hand up the comedian's side, pushing the side of her top up. With the pad of his thumb he teased the darker blue circle on the redhead's chest. He couldn't help but grin as his hidden action made his lover moan needily.

The artist blushed at the sound. It was getting hard to concentrate on his work and he caught himself just staring a few times. He shook his head to clear it. He wasn't some pervert! The smurf rubbed a hand down his face as he refocused. This was supposed to be art, not a... The smurf looked up again and gasped.

Jokey had tugged the ties to her top loose and now the navy and stars garment lay crumpled beside the chair. Alchemist was sucking on the smurfette's chest and the prankster threw her head back in ecstasy.

"Agh! Stop! You were only supposed to smurf a kiss!" Painter exclaimed.

The brewer growled in response, sliding his hands into the female's pants and pulling the garment off her tail. He didn't want to stop, the primal urges were amplified by the dragon as well.

The comedian laughed. "I smurfed you wanted to capture the passion?" She moaned afterward when the potioneer switched to the other side of her chest. "Hard to get. Alchy to stop. When he gets. Smurfed up like this." She panted.

The artist blanched and did the only thing he could think of. Clutching his sketchpad, he fled his house.

Jokey laughed again, then gasped as Alchemist picked her up by the hips and sat her on her feet. In one smooth motion he pulled her pants down. He smiled as he freed his smurf from his own pants. "Smurf down." He purred.

The prankster pulled her feet out of the pants and sank down onto him, kissing him again. She moaned in pleasure as she started rocking her hips.

The potioneer pulled back, running his thumbs over both her nipples. "You would've smurfed me right in the mess hall. Wouldn't you, my Jokey?"

"Maybe." The redhead started. "Yeah." She admitted. She liked attention as well as trying new things. The thought of mixing both was exciting. She gripped the back of the chair for more leverage, pulling herself harder. The two smurfs didn't notice a new audience peeking in through the window beside the door.

Alchemist latched onto a breast, gripping the redhead's hips and using his arms to increase the intensity of his lover's rocking motion. She cried out and he growled in response. He was starting to focus more on the sensations, all words left him. The chair made a scraping sound as it was moved back and forth across the wooden floor.

"Mmm, Alchy!" Jokey exclaimed. Already she could feel the delicious tightening in her stomach as she got closer to release. It was one of the most amazing things she'd found out about her transformed state. She was able to keep going right after experiencing the most enjoyable part of 'play' time.

The potioneer moved one hand from her hip, slowing their pace somewhat. Then he hooked hooked his arm under the comedian's knee and pulled her leg up. The redhead gasped in surprise, then moaned as the smurf began to thrust upwards into her.

The change in angle and pace sent the female over the edge. Her body tensed as she felt the pleasure cause her mind to focus on nothing else. As she came back to herself the world spun. Then she lay sprawled on the ground.

Alchemist's angle and the couple's position on the chair caused it tip over, spilling the two lovers out onto the floor. It was jarring and brought him back to his senses. The smurf caught himself on his elbow, but was more concerned about his smurffriend. "Are you smurfy, Jokey?"

She'd landed on her side, but it didn't hurt. The redhead chuckled. "That was funnier than the time we found out my table couldn't smurf our weight." She grinned, scooting closer to the brewer. The prankster kissed him again.

He returned the kiss, but pulled back after a few moments. "Not on the floor." He pointed over to the chaise and pulled his pants the rest of the way off. The female's eyes lit up as she saw it, then she hopped to her feet and offered him a hand. Grinning, Jokey headed to the plush seat and crawled onto it on all fours.

The potioneer was right behind her, but he shook his head. "Smurf around."

The comedian arched a brow. "You always like it better when we smurf face to face." She quipped as she moved to lay on her back.

He watched her with hooded eyes. "That's because you're my smurfy treasure." He leaned down, covering her body with his own.

The transformed female blushed, pulling Alchemist down to nuzzle him. "I smurf you, Alchy. Marry me?"

The question filled him with trepidation and excitement. "I want to. But... Can two smurfs even get married?" He wondered aloud.

"Who cares? Let's smurf it anyway." Jokey said smugly. "We could even cheat and smurf one of us as a smurfette for a day. It's pretty fun." The pair laughed until the redhead started kissing her lover's neck again.

"Mmm. My Jokey." The brewer rubbed his smurf against her until she pulled away from his neck.

"And you need to try smurfing like this." She purred, reaching between them and guiding him into her. "Ah! Just for a day."

"Feel that good?" The potioneer murmured, starting to slowly thrust.

"It's different and smurfy. And I wanna try smurfing you." The redhead said breathily.

"It's going to be. The oil. All over again." Alchemist predicted, increasing his pace at the memories combined with his current sensations. By the way the prankster couldn't keep off of him, it already was.

"Yes!" Jokey started. "More!" Her arms grabbed for his legs. She was starting to climb again, slowly tensing.

The navy capped smurf gripped her hips, pounding into his lover. He lost himself in the sensations, unaware that he'd started the beginning of his chant. It was a background noise, some distant music that accompanied his lover's cries and moans to spur him onward.

"Don't stop!" The comedian exclaimed, feeling close to release. She pulled at his thighs, helping him.

He felt her spasming around him as she peaked. The cries of 'mine' escaped him as the female's orgasm stroked him and brought him closer.

Dizzy with pleasure, Jokey came down from the orgasmic high. She looked at the brewer's expression of concentration and smiled seductively.

"Smurf for me, Alchy." She purred.

He growled, the words set off a chain reaction within him. He came, emptying his seed into the redhead. Suddenly weak, he lay down on top of her. The prankster wrapped her arms around the smurf, holding him tightly. The pair lost track of time as they enjoyed each other's presence.

A banging at the door broke both of them from their afterglow.

"If you two are **quite** fini, zen I inzist you **smurf out of my 'ouse**!" Came Painter's irate yell.

The pair dressed quickly, then opened the door to see the artist standing in front of the door, arms crossed and scowling. Once he saw they were decent he shoved past them and pushed the couple the rest of the way out of his house. Jokey laughed as the irate smurf slammed the door almost on their tails.

Alchemist had the decency to blush, wrapping his arm around the smurfette. The pair hadn't taken two steps away from the house when they heard the door fling open again.

"And practice some smurf control!" Painter scolded before he slammed the door again.

The prankster started guffawing.

"Let's smurf back to my place. I want to smurf if I can alter that formula." The potioneer smiled.

Jokey wiped a tear from her eye. "Sure. Just think, if we smurf the time really short on that change, we could smurf all kinds of pranks!"

The navy-clad smurf chuckled at the idea. "If we're going to smurf a prank like that, it should be big." He said, waving a hand for emphasis.

"Just how big?" Jokey asked, intrigued.

"Really big!" Alchemist grinned. "Here's what I'm smurfing..."

The two walked as they schemed, plotting gleefully.

Inside his house, Painter put the sketchpad on the table. He couldn't look at it right now. It was likely he'd want to pick up and finish the work later, but after the mortification he'd experienced, he wasn't in the mood to look at those two insane smurfs.

He picked up his easel and paints. He'd head out onto the hill, perhaps paint a few nice, calming landscapes.


	15. Ch 12: First Steps

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**My apologies for the lateness in this chapter. That winter storm that blowed across the south had the schools closed, so I had very little time to write. Determined to finish this chapter no later than a week behind, I've stayed up until almost four in the mornin. Weee~ Sleep dep, I remember you from college!**

**Reviews: -Lac Lausanne: Thank you. I had to give Painter a hard time. X3**

Chapter 12: First Steps

They were ready. At least, Papa hoped they were ready. Before him stood Biquette, placidly munching on a crust of bread almost as big as she was. She had been returned to her smurfette form, removing any other magics from her in case they didn't mix well. She was lightly wrapped in a loose cloth. Beside him were two vials of smurf essence, the human sized vials that were taller than he was and thicker than his torso.

They were on the ground outside, just in case something went wrong. Homnibus came out, holding a corked vial with a swirling Yellow-green mist inside. He knelt down, holding the vial close to the ground.

"Ready?" The human wizard asked.

"Ready." The bearded smurf answered, sounding more confident than he felt.

Right after the enchanter pulled the cork off, the smurf started the spell:

_A blessing used for ill, twisted and dark;_  
_Magic unwind and come apart!_  
_Alter threads of magic to become what you once were;_  
_Biquette become goat, and be smurf no more!_

The yellow-green mist swirled, dipping into a vial of essence and pulling the blue liquid along with it. The colors mixed into a single green mist, swirling and falling over the oblivious smurfette. The change began slowly, her ears starting to migrate back to the top of her head and horns appearing. She began to grow, sprouting black fur along her body.

Soon she was too big for the wrapped cloth to stay in place, the garment falling off her to reveal white fur growing along her transforming stomach. Her hands and feet began to deform, shrinking, and the nails grew and hardened into hooves.

Still growing, Biquette finally looked like a goat, settling down onto her four hooves. The mist ran out, swirling a final time around her form.

"Fascinating." Homnibus breathed. "Did it work?"

Papa picked up the mirror from it's place near the stand for the vials. "Great Smurfs!" He exclaimed as he noticed the contents of the vials... or lack thereof. He certainly hoped that the process worked, otherwise they'd have wasted two entire vials of essence!

He turned and held up the mirror so he could see the goat in the reflection. "Thank smurfness, it worked." He sighed in relief.

"At least we now have a way. But from that amount... do we have enough essence to change all six of them back?" The human asked, worried.

The elder smurf rubbed his beard as he did the math in his head. "We'd need two beakers at least to transmurf all six of them. If there was only a way to use less energy..."

Homnibus petted his beard as he thought. "I seem to recall something about a power magnifying crystal... Let me check my library." The old man stood, heading back into his house.

Papa watched as the goat moved from where the bread used to be to a patch of clover. If they couldn't find a way to conserve the essence, he'd have to have three or four of the transformed humans wait while they collected more. It was slower going if one wasn't willing to put a smurf through pain in devices like Gargamel's smurfalator. Perhaps he would shave his beard, though that likely wouldn't solve the entire problem.

The red-clad smurf carried his mirror inside, he'd store it away and try to pick up the vial and stand.

Peewit came running up to him. "Did it work?" The other former humans weren't far behind, so he waited until they were all gathered around him.

"The good news is that the spell worked. The bad news is that it took a lot more essence than Homnibus or I estimated." That was such a clunky word in human, the smurf thought as he nearly tripped verbally over the last word.

"Homnibus is researching a possible method to conserve the essence," Papa continued, "but it may be that a few of you will have to wait to be restored to your original forms."

Quintz frowned. "How long?"

The elder smurf thought for a moment, making a conservative estimate. "It could be as long as two months." He finally decided.

The farmer looked at the others. "I don't think I can be away from my family that long." His tone was pleading.

Finn nodded solemnly. "I've seen your reasons, my friend. I won't dispute you being changed back first."

Lars put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Nor would I." Samuel crossed his arms and said nothing.

Johan looked at Papa Smurf. "I think we're in agreement then. Quintz should go first. We can decide on who goes next after we see just how much of the smurf essence is used up." Beside him, Peewit groaned. Just like the knight. But then again, as small as he was he could eat and eat and his hosts wouldn't complain as much!

The bearded smurf nodded. "I'll unshrink the beaker and then start preparing another curse." Digging into the trunk, he pulled out the shrunken item and the reversal powder. He headed back outside with the two items.

"Thank you." The farmer said to the other transformed humans. "I don't know if I can ever repay something like this."

"It's not like we had anything urgent to do, my friend." Lars shrugged. Finn nodded.

A short time later, Homnibus came out of the house once more with a vial that would begin the spell. Quintz stood nervously near Papa and the large beaker of essence, watching the proceedings with some trepidation. He'd been assured several times that the process was painless, but the fear of the unknown still plagued him.

The elder smurf looked at the human wizard and nodded. Homnibus removed the cork and the chant began.

_A blessing used for ill, twisted and dark;_  
_Magic unwind and come apart!_  
_Alter threads of magic to become what you once were;_  
_Quintz become human, and be smurf no more!_

The spell dipped into the beaker, siphoning the essence to power it's purpose. The farmer gasped as he felt a cold sort of tingle on his skin, like feeling the sun go behind a cloud when it was chill enough to cause goosebumps. A feeling of numbness spread through him, then the world began to shrink. He watched his hands in fascination as the blue faded away and his pinky finger regrew.

He felt itching under his hat and realized it was his hair growing back. Soon, he was back to his normal size and he looked down at the two wizards.

Papa checked the human in his mirror. "Smurftastic! It worked!"

"Indeed." Said Homnibus, his tone wavering a bit as he couldn't decide on happiness or worry at what he saw. "But I'm afraid we will most definitely need that stone I was researching." He pointed to the beaker of essence.

Only a third of the magic remained.

"Great Smurfs." Papa breathed.

**00000**

Huntress finished tying the lure onto the line. It took her a few tries to properly work the reel, but she watched in satisfaction as the line flew gracefully out into the pond and landed with a 'plonk'.

"And now all that's left to smurf is to wait." Fisher leaned back against a rock.

The former feline stared out at the bobber on the water. "I can already tell I'm going to get really bored. Don't you do anything else?"

The fishing smurf chuckled. "Usually I don't have another smurf to smurf to. I smurf lures or baskets. Harvest is the best at smurfing baskets, mine are mostly to hold any fish I smurf up."

The redhead flopped back onto the bank. She didn't have much desire to learn a new craft at the moment. "So what do you do with another smurf around?"

"Talk." Fisher had his eyes closed, enjoying the afternoon sun.

It was official. These crazy blue people thought talking was far too important for the former feline's liking. Then again, Gargamel was always the talker between the two of them. "I think I'm better at listening." The female decided.

"That's different from Smurfette. She could smurf your ear off." The smurf opened his eyes, glancing over at the redhead. "Hm. I've been smurfing if... you and Tracker are smurffriends?"

"Yes." Huntress hoped she sounded neutral. "Why does that word mean so many things?" She hadn't encountered the use of the word 'smurf' to have multiple meanings before.

"The way Papa smurfs it, smurf is a magical word. You can undersmurf it because you're a smurf. So when you say smurf and you mean more than one smurf, the magic picks both." He watched her as she considered this. He was aware she'd changed the topic, but didn't press it.

The redhead looked up at the sky. "So I could say; I see the smurf..." She stopped, surprised. She'd heard what she meant.

"And you smurfed sky and clouds and sun." Fisher chuckled.

She grinned, "Just by meaning it. It's really that easy."

"It's easy because you're a smurf. Humans have never seemed to be able to undersmurf smurfish. Even the other fey have troubles smurfing it, let alone speaking it."

"We are smurfing." The former feline tried. "Hah, that worked." She'd meant talking and fishing and heard both.

The smurf looked at the two bobbers. "I smurf like Brainy, teaching you how to smurf." It was a joke of course, the know-it-all would have been lecturing on diction and grammar.

"You're far less annoying than the glasses one." Huntress laughed. She had an idea to surprise Tracker with her newfound knowledge. After a few moments of silence, she looked at the smurf leaning on the rock. "So have you ever been on any adventures?"

"Only the few times Gargamel has managed to smurf almost all of us. Or the time the storehouse smurfed down in the middle of winter. Most smurfy days I'm down here on the lakefront, just smurfing in the sun." The reel of the redhead's pole spun rapidly and Fisher jerked himself up. "Smurf that rod!"

The former feline snatched at the pole, but in an instant it was yanked from the little stick stand that held it and flew out into the pond. The female cursed. "What the heck was that?!"

The fishing smurf sighed in disappointment. "There are a lot of fish that are big enough to smurf a smurf whole. That was probably one of the bigger smurfs."

Huntress frowned. "Sorry I lost your fishing pole." She hoped he didn't want her to try and get it back. That water was probably cold. She lothed getting into cold water. It reminded her too much of the baths she had to endure as a cat.

"It's fine. Handy will smurf about having to make another reel, but I can smurf the rest of the pole and line myself. It's what I tend to smurf on rainy days." He held his own fishing rod in his hand now, gripping it protectively.

"If you had a really big fishing pole, you could try to catch the big ones." The former feline grinned as the idea formed in her head. "Thicker line, a larger hook. And then secure the thing to the ground. Imagine reeling in a fish the size a human could catch!"

Fisher looked out at his little bobber in the water, visualizing hauling in something that large. He reeled in his line. "We need to smurf to Handy about that." Too excited to keep fishing, he secured his hook onto his rod and motioned for the female to follow him.

Happy that she wasn't stuck watching the water, Huntress followed along, talking with the smurf about the idea.

**00000**

Hefty lifted the large seed sack, pouring it into the smaller carry pouches for the planters to pick up. His mind was elsewhere, though, and he nearly overfilled the last pouch. For the past nine years he'd been left in a thoroughly distracted state every spring.

At first it was competing with the others for any glimmer of hope that she'd choose him. Now. Now it was waiting. Being satisfied with short moments and stolen kisses while they kept their relationship from even starting for the sake of the rest of the hopeful's feelings.

He didn't like that part. He wanted to shove the other smurfs away from her when they gave her gifts and flowers. At least the lot of them had matured past getting into fist fights over jealousy. Mostly.

"Smurfin on your mind, Hefty?" The strong smurf turned to see Farmer wiping his brow with his arm. "You've been starin off into smurf for a good ten minutes."

"Just smurfing." The tattooed smurf shook his head. "Anything else ya need smurfed?"

"Well. There's that wheelbarrow smurfed full of rocks ready to be smurfed off. Mason and Clumsy already smurfed through it." The agricultural smurf pointed to a wheelbarrow full of rocks sitting near some spare tools along the path that ran from the fields to Farmer's tool shed.

"I'm on it." Hefty started towards the tools, at least some heavy labor would get his mind focused on something besides mooning over a certain blond. He steered the load down the west path out of the village. It would lead to the caves where they'd usually haul stones.

He didn't expect to come across Lazy sleeping beside the path halfway between the village and the caves. Hefty shook his head, one of these days that smurf was going to get hurt sleeping in strange places. The strong smurf blinked as he recognized an oddity in the other smurf's clothes.

"Yo, Lazy. What's smurfing with those grey clothes?" The tattooed smurf asked as he wheeled the rocks down the path.

"Huh, wha?" The sleepy smurf asked as he leaned up on his elbows. His eyes widened when he saw the other smurf. "Oh!" He stammered. "It's uh, it's camouflage. Yeah. That's it. Trying to smurf in with the rocks."

Sure the slothful smurf was just trying to get out of work again, Hefty snorted. "Sure. Then why not smurf around some rocks to be sure, ya mook?" The area was rocky, but still mostly green with the pines, low shrubs, and grasses.

"Hey, wait, where are you smurfing?" The grey clad smurf asked. He stood and headed towards the smurf as he passed the spot the where slothful smurf was sleeping.

The strong smurf gave him a look. "What does it smurf like? I'm smurfing these rocks over to the caves where we usually smurf 'em." He rolled his eyes, completely missing the look of panic on the other smurf's face.

"Here, lemme smurf it. Y-you look like you could smurf a break." Lazy rushed over, taking up the wheelbarrow's handles from the surprised smurf. "Just smurf right here! I'll smurf right back!" Then he pushed the rocks quickly down the path.

Hefty wasn't sure what to think. Lazy, helping? He pinched his arm to check and see if he was dreaming. The pain told him he was wide awake. Curious, he started to walk after the oddly dressed smurf. Knowing him, he'd be asleep just around the bend of the path.

"Hefty!" He instantly recognized Smurfette's voice coming from behind him. She was trotting down the path towards him. He turned and started towards her.

"You won't believe what just smurfened." Hefty started as soon as he was within speaking distance.

"Did something smurf the wheelbarrow?" The blond asked as they were finally within arms reach.

"Nah, I smurfed Lazy on the trail and he smurfed to take the rocks off. Strangest thing I ever smurfed." The tattooed smurf scratched his head.

"That is pretty strange. I'm sure he's smurfed around the bend and started sleeping again." The female giggled.

"Just what I was smurfing." The larger smurf smiled. "But he did smurf for me to wait right here." He looked down the trail thoughtfully.

Smurfette found herself staring at the smurf's face in profile. He turned and looked at her, the two finding themselves entranced in each other's eyes. She wasn't sure who started moving towards whom when she reflected on it later, but suddenly they were kissing.

Hefty wrapped his arms around the blond, pulling her in close. His heart thudded in his chest. The female snaked her arms under his to hold him in return. How long they stayed that way the smurf couldn't tell, he only knew he didn't want the moment to end.

The blond wondered if she was really being kinder to the other smurfs by leading them on. Was she being selfish by not saying anything, or would it be selfish to just tell the others who her heart really belonged to? Maybe it was time to talk to Papa about it. Reluctantly, she pulled back. "Hefty." She started.

He knew what she'd say, that they should wait, that it was for the best. He'd heard it all before. The strong smurf shook his head. "I'd wait for you for a smurftime, Smurfette." He brushed a strand of golden locks away from her face. "It's worth the wait."

"Oh, Hefty." She hugged him tightly, hiding her face in his chest. "I'm going to smurf to Papa about us." She looked at him again. "Maybe he'll know what to do. Because I keep thinking-"

The rattling of the empty wheelbarrow had the pair pulling away from each other out of habit, both smurfs looking down the path to see the grey clad smurf returning with the empty farm tool. He slowed from a run to a trot when he caught sight of the white clad duo.

He slowed to a stop near them, panting like he'd ran for most of the trip. "Here's... your smurf back. Hefty. Hey. Smurfette."

"Lazy, what in the smurf did you do, run the whole way?" The tattooed smurf asked, perplexed.

"I kinda. Did. You two can. Smurf that back right? Need to smurf my breath." The sleepy smurf huffed.

"Yeah, we got it." The strong smurf answered. What was with Lazy today?

"That resmurfs me, Handy sent me to find you to smurf out with a project." The blond looked at Hefty.

"Sure." The muscled smurf smiled. He picked up the handles of the wheelbarrow to push it back to Farmer's, only glancing back once to see Lazy already sprawled out by the side of the road again. At least he was acting normally again. What the female walking beside him had been about to say started to play on repeat in his mind.

He waited until they were out of earshot to ask. "What were you smurfing about?"

"Vexy smurfed something up when we were talking. Is it kinder to everyone for us to smurf our feelings a secret, or to 'smurf the thorn out fast'?" She shrugged. "I just wish I didn't feel so unsmurfily selfish about it."

Hefty nodded. He'd heard that part of her argument before. He could empathize, it was why he agreed to keeping things the way they were. The strong smurf could only hope that Papa had some insight that could help them.

**00000**

The lunch rush wasn't typically the busiest part of the day, as some smurfs skipped the meal entirely in favor of pursuing interests and light snacks. They'd cleaned up quickly and now dinner was being prepared. Greedy always enjoyed helping, cooking was a passion of his almost as much as tasting things.

Chef had him cutting onions. He kept his head back from the vegetable, which helped keep his eyes from watering. The bowl was almost full at least, so if he could fight the sting in his eyes and finish this onion he'd be free to work on something more pleasant. He rocked the chef's knife in even motions, refocusing on the task at hand.

"Mais, Greedy, you smurf with dat?" Fryer had walked up and now stood at the plump smurf's right.

"Just finished." The gourmet scooped the last of the diced onions up onto the blade of the knife and dumped them into the bowl with a practised ease.

"Bon!" The cajun smurf smiled as he scooped the bowl up to dump the contents into the large soup pot. "Nothin like a smurfy gumbo, yea."

"It is a soup, non a gumbo." Chef corrected as he strode briskly by. "You have smurfed yourself that gumbos need to be thicker." The smurf opened the hatch to the stove under the pot and fed a few more logs into the fire. "Sciò, I can smurf this."

"'E in a bad bad smurf to-day." Fryer murmured to the ample smurf as the pair headed towards the other side of the kitchen.

Greedy snorted. "When isn't he?" Chef could often be a volatile as Painter when it came to cooking. He ruled the mess hall kitchen with a strict eye, often verbally lambasting any smurf for mistakes. Luckily for any smurf brave enough to work in the kitchen, he only got violent when the gourmet smurf indulged himself too much.

The cajun smurf grinned and looked around the kitchen. "Mais, we smurf dose dishes out early and we get a break." The smurf tilted his head in the direction of the cupboards, then led the way to pick up a stack of bowls.

The smurf waited until they were in the cafeteria to start talking again. "You gonna hunt up dat new smurfette when you smurf from here?" He smiled slyly as he started placing the bowls.

The plump smurf blushed as he started setting down plates. "She's smurfing Doctor how to do magic. I was smurfing about making a picnic." He'd gotten several ribs from the kitchen crowd about his infatuation with the former dryad. The smurf currently doing the teasing was one of his closest friends. Coupled with the cook's laid back attitude, it was less teasing and more questioning.

"Smurfy. I like dat plan. Smurf her away from de oder smurfs." Fryer moved to the second table. "I tink I'll smurf my chou." The smurf grinned as he thought of his own infatuation.

Greedy nodded, noticing the besotten expression on his companion's face. Did he ever look like that? "Do you smurf Smurfette will ever choose?" He wondered aloud. It was the blond that held the other smurf's heart, like many others in the village he supposed.

"Ah, my Boo. I'm sure she will, mabbe already has. And it's me, for true." The smurf realized he'd run out of bowls and headed back through to get some more, the gourmet on his heels when he ran out of plates.

The plump smurf wasn't so sure it would be his friend, but he said nothing. He didn't want to shatter another smurf's hopes. Though she enjoyed the attention from the village and Smurfette was always polite, she seemed guarded. With some smurfs more than others. He'd assumed it was just a female thing, but then Vexy came along.

The dark haired female could be downright rude at times, but she made it clear she wasn't interested when smurfs asked her out to dances or tried courting her. He'd heard she'd blown her top about the Spring Fever antics the smurfs got up to. The only smurf she'd made any advances to had been Grouchy, of all smurfs.

Huntress was just plain strange, from what Greedy had heard. The headless bird story had circulated quickly thanks to the gossip chain. He wasn't sure of her personality, but he was sure that she'd latched onto Tracker quickly. The smurf looked down at his hands, he'd placed another armload down onto the tables while he was preoccupied.

The duo had picked up a third armload and were setting the tables when Fryer spoke again. "Mais, I wonder what smurfed your sights on de new madame, yea?"

The plump smurf stared at the plate he'd just placed down. A smile crept onto his face as he recalled the first time he'd laid eyes on her. He hadn't noticed her approach the table, but then she'd asked to sit with him. He glanced up, expecting one of his brethren, then looked up again quickly. She was pretty. All the smurfettes were in his estimation. But there was something about her that he liked immediately.

Greedy didn't realize he had a similar besotten expression that the cajun smurf had minutes ago. "I don't know. She just smurfed to sit down with me at breakfast and... I think it was smurf at first sight. She's really smurfy. She smurfs a lot quieter than the other females." He realized he wasn't working and started placing the rest of the plates.

"Cho! You smurfed it bad, Gre-gre." Fryer chuckled, he leaned towards the other smurf, though he was a table away, and stage whispered. "I tink she like you too, dough. She smurf dis look in 'er eyes, same as you."

The plump smurf smiled, remembering the smurfette's words at lunch. "She did smurf that I was easy to talk to."

"Mais, den we should smurf dis up quick, yea." The smurf headed back to get more dishes. Together, the duo set the tables at a speedy pace. The cajun smurf left afterward to try to find Smurfette, leaving Greedy to fill up a picnic basket with a meal for himself and Medic.

**00000**

Dabbler was proud of himself. Though at first he thought the session was too basic, he was sure he'd made progress. Like the former dryad walking beside him had said, it was harder to figure out how to control his innate magic than he'd assumed. He had managed to pool it into his hands and then his eyes as instructed. And he'd not lost his head or given into the urge to say something stupid.

"I'm lookin forward to tomorra." Medic's voiced jolted him out of his distracted state.

He noticed, not for the first time, that she was smiling genuinely now instead of the polite or nervous smiles that didn't reach her eyes. The physician smiled back. "So long as we don't have any patients smurfing by, we'll be able to start right after breakfast." He started to say something else, but stopped himself. No need to ruin the mood with cheesy lines.

They approached the mess hall along with a trickle of other smurfs from all over the village. Greedy stood out amongst the movement, standing off to the side of the entrance with a large basket held in the crook of his arm. The brown haired smurfette smiled when she saw the plump smurf and waved to him.

Doctor frowned, feeling a twinge of jealousy. He kept pace with the female, approaching the basket carrying smurf. Why did she seem so much more at ease with Greedy?

"Howdy." Medic greeted, looking at the basket. "Are ya goin somewhere?"

"Well, I was smurfing... maybe we could go on a picnic?" The gourmet asked nervously.

Dabbler couldn't fight the scowl that he leveled at the other smurf. When he realized what he was doing, he turned and walked into the mess hall. Part of him wanted to run back and shove the other smurf to the ground, but he told himself it was only Spring Fever.

Instead he sat down, feeling like he was missing an opportunity. The usual crowd was at the table, sans Alchemist, who was sitting with Jokey at another table. The smurf was still a redheaded smurfette, so perhaps they hadn't found a solution to that potion accident. It brought the doctor out of his sullen mood to think that Jokey could be trapped as a smurfette forever. It'd serve the prankster right for all the jokes he-ah-she'd pulled.

"Doctor does not look like he is having smurfy time." Blacksmith pointed out. "Is there problem?"

The physician looked at the entrance of the mess hall, wondering what was transpiring outside. "Nothing. Just smurfing."

**00000**

The female's eyes widened. "Um... like a date thing or just friends?" A tamult of emotions ran through her at the thought. It was the smurf's turn to look perplexed.

"What does date smurf?" The plump smurf managed. He watched the healer blush and guessed what the word meant. Suddenly he had to fight the urge to start twisting his bib again, settling for gripping the handle of the basket tightly.

"Well, it means that you're going out... to get to know each other fer romantic purposes." Medic rushed the last three words fast enough that they slurred together a bit. Immediately she worried if that was even something that happened with smurfs.

Greedy grinned anxiously. "I was smurfing so." Some of the dried grasses creaked and the smurf had to release his grip.

"Ok." The female answered hesitantly. Mentally, she berated herself for acting like some fresh faced teen. Suddenly the plump smurf was beside her, offering his arm in an old fashioned gesture. She smiled and took it, letting him lead her towards the large hill that bordered the village. As they strolled away, a few smurfs did double-takes at the duo walking.

"So we're headin up to the hill?" The healer asked.

The smurf grinned. "We smurf it Picnic Hill. It's got some really smurfy views of the village and sunset."

Medic chuckled. "So I guess yer the romantic type then?"

The ample smurf blushed, "Maybe a little."

"It's not a bad thing." She reassured him. The incline started to increase as they came to the foot of the hill. Her brow furrowed as she wondered about her usual mental dilemma.

Greedy felt like he was walking on air, ecstatic that the smurfette on his arm was interested in him. He looked over at her and saw the troubled expression. "Something smurfing you?" He asked worriedly.

"If you were suddenly separated from everything ya knew... and ya knew ya couldn't go back. Would it be selfish to just try ta start over?" The former dryad asked.

The plump smurf thought about it. They reached the summit of the hill and the smurf set the basket down before he answered. "I don't smurf it'd be selfish. But I think I'd still miss them." Would he eventually get over the loss? The smurf shook his head. "I smurf I'd always miss them."

Medic wiped the tears that had sprang up from her eyes. "Yeah." She agreed shakily. "So, totally non-subtle topic change. What's yer favorite color?"

"Golden with a little bit of brown. The same smurf as fresh muffins." He knelt down and opened the basket to pull out the picnic blanket. "Muffins were the first food I ever smurfed by myself. I smurfed the first dozen, but the next were just smurfy."

The healer smiled at that and helped him spread out the blanket. "How long ago was that?"

"Hm." He pulled out a few plates and a sealed pitcher to place on the blanket. "It was maybe a smurf or so after we first encountered Gargamel. So about 40 smurfs." He pulled out some cups, handing her one. "What's your favorite smurf?"

"Green. The dark kind of hunter green like on pine needles is my absolute favorite." Medic poured herself a drink. The conversation stayed light as they ate and from their vantage point they spotted a black goat coming into the village to drop off some smurfs. Caught up in talking, the picnic lasted until the sun began to set.

They sat side by side, watching the orange and red fade into the purple of twilight. Greedy took a chance, wrapping his arm around the brown headed female. She leaned into the embrace and he felt his tail brush the ground as it twitched.

"It's strange, I feel like I'm doin this romance thing backwards." The healer confessed. "But really this is what taking things from the beginnin is."

"Huh?" The plump smurf looked down at the top of the smurfette's head. "Backwards?"

"What kind of reputation do nymphs have in this world?" She asked instead of explaining.

"Nymphs?" The gourmet started. "They protect the water they live in and..." His eyes widened as he remembered the other common knowledge bit of lore. "They smurf humans into smurfing with them."

Medic winced. "Yeah, that part's kinda true for all the types of nymphs, Dryads included, where I'm from." She took a breath. "Granted, I hung out in one big pack of ladies. We kinda kept each other company and passed around this one human we'd found. I never really dated before I got pulled over and changed."

Greedy wasn't sure what to say. From the way the smurfette had said company it sounded like it meant - Suddenly his mind was conjuring up images of two smurfettes kissing and he blushed.

Getting nervous about the male's silence, the healer sat up and looked at him. She knew that look, the whole situation struck her as funny. Relieved and amused, she laughed. "At least I didn't scare ya off."

The plump smurf raised his hands in surrender. "Ah, no it wouldn't, I -I mean to smurf..."

The brunette leaned forward and hugged him. "It's ok. I'm not a nymph anymore so I'm not gonna attack ya." He returned the hug, but it was on the tip of the smurf's tongue to ask her to go ahead anyway.

The sky was darkening to night, reluctantly the pair packed the dishes back up into the basket. The gourmet shook the blanket out before folding it neatly and putting it on the top of the basket. "Could I smurf you home?" He asked.

She smiled at him. "It'd be a pleasure."

They strolled down the hill, this time holding hands. He didn't let go of her hand until they'd finished walking up the stairs and the couple stood at Medic's door.

She turned, facing him and standing close. "I think that was the nicest date I've ever had."

He had an infatuated smile again. "Could we smurf on more?"

The healer leaned forward and kissed him. The smurf dropped the basket, the dishes inside clanking noisily. Neither seemed to mind as their arms wrapped around each other. She licked his lips, surprising him. Greedy's lips parted and he started to pull back until she deepened the kiss. The gourmet couldn't help but moan as explored this new way of kissing.

Medic realized what she was doing and pulled away reluctantly. From his dazed expression, she didn't think she'd have to apologize. "Anytime, darlin." She finally answered breathlessly.

He wanted to kiss like that again, but instead he asked, "Tomorrow?"

The smurfette smiled. "It's a date. G'night Greedy." The healer opened the door behind her and went inside. She leaned against the door, fanning herself. She'd almost dragged him inside, but that would be doing things backwards again.

On the outside of the door, the smurf did an excited dance. No longer able to contain his glee, he picked up the basket and almost skipped down the steps. He wanted to shout along the streets, but that would likely get flowerpots and other things thrown at him.

Instead he settled for returning the dishes, blanket, and basket to the mess hall. Too keyed up to sleep, he washed the dishes and dried them before heading home.

**00000**

Homnibus had pulled out fresh fruits and bread for lunch, setting the table to humans and smurfs could eat. The enchanter was pouring over a tome from a stack sitting to his right. Peewit had eaten his way into a roll just for fun and was finishing it off from the inside.

"Ah-ha! I believe I've found it, Papa Smurf." Homnibus sat the open tome down on the table, allowing his small friend to jump onto the book to read. The other transformed smurfs looked at the book with interest, the jester even ate through the top of the roll to peer at the reading red-clad smurf.

"Smurftastic! This is exactly what we need." The bearded smurf exclaimed.

"What is it, Papa Smurf?" Johan asked curiously, abandoning his meal to walk over to the book.

"An Amplification Gemstone." The smurf answered. "It's a rare crystal from the mountains far to the south and east. Humans call them the Alps. From this tome, the most likely place to find them is at the top of a mountain called Jungfrau."

Homnibus continued the explanation. "The crystals are said to amplify magic up to tenfold, depending on the purity of the crystal. I'm afraid wizards and all sorts of magic users have rendered the caves that hold the crystals almost barren. Humans wizards consider the area empty and the crystals legend." The old enchanter chuckled. "But the tomes also say Smurfs are but a legend as well."

Johan tapped his chin with a knuckle. "And smurfs can get into places humans cannot." His hand dropped as he mentally made a decision. "Well, when do we set off for this Jungfrau mountain?"

"We?!" Peewit exclaimed, falling through his tunnel back into the roll. "Since when does it have to be we?" Came the muffled whine.

"Oh come Peewit, where's your sense of adventure?" The knight teased. He knew full well that the dwarf preferred to stay in comfort.

The jester chewed a hole out of the side of the roll that faced his friend and pointed accusingly at him. "It's dangerous enough going on adventures as a human!" He griped with his mouth full before swallowing. "You want us to travel across whole kingdoms as smurfs?!"

"Now, now, we won't be going anywhere until we plan properly for such a long journey. If you don't wish to go, you won't be forced." Papa told the other smurfs. He could always ask for volunteers to help from his smurfs.

The knight nodded. "I'm ready to help in any way I can." From the roll, Peewit sighed loudly. He knew that Johan would go, what's worse, he knew that he would wind up going with him. Who else would keep Johan out of trouble?

"I'll go too." Those at the table turned to look at Samuel, the dark clad smurf shrugged. Lars and Finn began talking quietly between themselves.

Homnibus stood up and headed to gather other research material. They would need maps, perhaps lore on the mountain, and writing tools to make lists for provisions and maps.

"Do you need help carrying anything, Sir Homnibus?" Quintz asked, looking ready to get up himself.

"If you would be so kind." The enchanter answered, hearing the farmer get up to follow him. The duo soon returned with books, quills, and ink. The table was soon a mess of open tomes, a few fruit plates, papers, and smurfs. Johan was studying the maps conferring with the two wizards on routes.

To Peewit's horror, they planned to fly most of the way by stork. The bird would land them near the summit and they would search for the crystal. Even by bird flight, it would take almost a week to reach the mountain.

Between Homnibus and Papa, the two outlined places to rest and places to avoid. The two argued a bit over possible changes that could have happened to the areas. Johan noted this. Both wizards had out of date information, which meant that any rest stop would have to be carefully done.

It was nearly dinner by the time they'd finished doing the research and notation portion of preparing for the journey. Justin returned from school shortly before Quintz had left for his own home, trying to surprise his family for dinner. He asked Papa Smurf if Smurfette could visit his daughter sometime, prompting the human to explain how the girl and smurfette knew each other. It took the farmer quite a while to leave, assuring the enchanter and smurfs that should they need anything, he'd try to provide it.

Papa held up the finished pages that held a few copies of the route maps, notations about safe stopping points and possible dangers, and a list of needed supplies. "I think we'll be able to set off after lunch tomorrow."

"We'll come with you." Lars announced. His older brother didn't look particularly happy about it, but nodded. "It may make up for our other transgressions, if only a little."

Homnibus looked over from where he was preparing dinner with Justin helping. "If you do find any crystals, try to take large ones that are as clear as glass. Those are the most potent. Hmm..." The enchanter trailed off and told Justin to watch the cooking food. The elderly human disappeared into his bedroom for a few minutes, returning holding a child sized wand.

The wizard strolled over to the table where the smurfs were and handed the wand to Papa. To the smurf it was a staff slightly taller than he was. "This is a simple wand of light. It provides a torchlight worth of light from it's tip or on an object for a few hours. I would assume, given the nature of the crystals, that if you cast a light spell upon them the effect would be dazzlingly bright."

"Brilliant!" The red-clad smurf exclaimed. "I'd been trying to think of a simple spell to test anything we found, this will certainly work. Thank you, old friend."

After dinner, the six smurfs packed their goods onto Biquette, hoping that the smaller animal's gait wouldn't set off Samuel's motion sickness. Bayard followed behind them and the small procession made it back to the village shortly before sunset.


	16. SF Side Series: First Days 02

**Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**A/N: Next update slated for March 30th!**

**Results of the First Days Poll:**  
**Top three with 4 votes each are: Hefty (Brawny), Brainy (Clever), and Jokey (Comic)**  
**Next two with 3 votes each are: Greedy (Gluttony) and Dabbler/Doctor (Physician)**  
**Next with 2 votes are: Chef (Cook), Blacksmith (Forge), Smurfette (Nightshade), Handy (Fix), Wooly (Shearer), Tracker (Stalker), Farmer (Planter)**  
**Last place with 1 vote each are: Clumsy (Bumbles), Vanity (Narcissist), Huntress (Azrael), Slouchy (Pensive), Dreamy (Astro), Lazy (Sleepy), Tailor (Seamster), Gutsy (Warrior), Vexy (Maddy), Dentist (Dental), Miner (Digger), and Medic (Surgery).**

**-I'll do my best to feature at least one scene with the smurfs in first second and third place. And it looks like Brawny will have to get special treatment. The others I'll try to get to, but no promises there. X3 Bwahaha!**

**REVIEWS:**  
**Muane: Thank you! ^.^ I tend to keep really obsessive notes, plus I'm rather used to juggling plotlines and multiple characters (I think part of the ease is the scene style that I use for writing). I also re-read sections I've written on characters before I write them to get back into their heads. It's rather fun. X3 Thanks again for your review!**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warnings for: Character Death, Violence, Sexual Situations, Explicit Sex (M/F) **

Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 02

Great Chief had not made an appearance at lunch, so Forge left to look for him. It was reasonable to assume that the elder was in his own house, so that was where he was heading first.

He had an idea that would possibly get him away from planting poles into the ground. His talents were being wasted away from craft, already he'd seen two axes with bites in the blade. It was the axes that gave him the idea.

The smurfs in the other village didn't like weapons, but it would certainly give them the upper hand. He smirked. In whatever Chief had planned, they would be victorious.

"Blacksmith, where are you smurfing?" The apron-wearing smurf turned to see the know-it-all rushing to join him.

The russian smurf harrumphed. "I am smurfed Forge now. Heading to smurf to Chief."

"If you have a complaint, I could certainly smurf-" The bespectacled smurf began.

"Net, thank you. It is better to smurf face to face." The blacksmith declined. He paused, seeing the smurf about to speak again and guessing what the next train of thought would be. "I am smurfing to Chief about going to work at forge again. Too many desmurfed tools, but even more..."

The smurf smiled, a rare thing for him. "I am going to suggest smurfing weapons. Then we will smurf any challenge with force!" He smacked a fist into his calloused hand.

"Hm. I like that. Smurfing spears would be the easiest, perhaps axes too." Clever suggested.

"Da. The blanks for shovels and hoes can be smurfed easily into spears. If Hunter had not been smurfed, we could smurf arrows and bows." The russian smurf agreed.

The pair arrived at the house then, stymying any further discussion. The egotistical smurf knocked on the door.

"What do you want?" Came the annoyed shout.

"Chief, I'm smurfing a report on the progress of the two workgroups and Forge wishes to smurf to you." The smurf with glasses announced.

"Get in here then, make it quick!" The elder grouched. The two smurfs entered the lab to find the bearded smurf sitting at a desk, pouring over a book. The desk was littered with books and parchments.

"Chief." The blacksmith began. "I smurf my skills would be better used if I were able to smurf back to my forge."

"What forge? I thought that was your name." The elder asked distractedly.

"Da. I call mysmurf Forge because that is where I work. Always smurfing with metal. I think that smurfing some weapons would be good for the village, to no longer be meek, to meet threats with force." The smurf smacked his fist into his palm again.

"Weapons." That caught Chief's attention. He put the book down and looked at the apron wearing smurf. "Good, get to work then."

With a pleased smirk, Forge nodded. "It will be smurfed, Chief." He headed out to get back to his true calling, plans forming in his mind about how to use the metal he already had on hand.

The elder's eyes locked onto Clever. "Well, make your report. And keep it short."

The bespectacled smurf could **feel** the magic working on him to change his behavior as he started to speak. Adding in any extra observations was not good. "The wall is coming along smurfily. Before lunch I smurfed Sleepy hiding and avoiding work. He's likely smurfing off again." He paused as he temporarily fought the magic to try and extol the issues he had with the slothful smurf. It didn't work.

Frustrated, the smurf took a breath and moved on. "Planter had an accident in the fields and was nearly smurfed, but Surgery healed him with magic. Otherwise planting is going smurfily." At least he could stop there. The thought of telling the older smurf what had happened after that suddenly filled him with trepidation.

Chief grunted. That lazy one was next to useless. Perhaps he could see how long he lasted... perhaps a demerit system. Five was a nice enough number. Wait, smurfs had four fingers. So four then. Four slip ups and he'd make an example of him.

The black-clad smurf put his hands down on the book. "Give that lazy smurf a demerit. It will be your job to keep track of them when I hand them out. If a smurf gets four, I will deal with them personally."

Clever tried to hide his glee at the thought. How he could twist this system! Make a false report here or there and he almost had control over who was punished and wasn't. "I'll smurf right on it Chief." He wanted to add a few platitudes to the sentence, but it seemed that the command to 'stop acting like a simpering twit' was still alive in the magic that bound him.

He saluted the elder instead, then turned and headed back out the door. Just how to use this power to his advantage? It would be better to try and catch those he didn't like doing wrong. Perhaps if they groveled, he'd be merciful. The smurf narrowed his eyes. And any threats would be taken to Chief as well... or violence for that matter. Let them try to boot him around or hit him in the head again.

The egotistical smurf smiled as he headed back towards the workers at the wall.

**00000**

Nightshade glanced behind her and Wrath ducked behind a barrel. No need to spook her until she got where she was going. The smurf gritted his teeth. What did she do? That'd been the only question on his mind since he'd checked the basket and found nothing. There was no way he could have lost the child. The basket was the same weight that it had been when the blond had given it to him.

That left the smurfette. If she didn't do something, she knew something. And he was going to find out.

He looked again and almost lost her as she rounded one of the mushroom shaped buildings. He checked to make sure he wasn't being followed, then darted after her. He peeked around the next corner to see her head into the old storehouse. The building was now used as a storage shed. The grumpy smurf checked again before approaching the building. On edge, he opened the door and entered, closing the door behind him.

"He-Br- Wrath what are you smurfing here?" The blond went from flirtatious to annoyed as soon as she recognized the smurf.

"Smurfing for answers." The grump growled and tossed the empty basket to the ground. It spilled open, a blanket flopping out. "Do you smurf me stupid? You smurfed me an empty basket. What smurfened to the baby?"

"What? The baby's gone?!" Nightshade exclaimed. Her eyes teared up.

"Smurf the smurf. Either you know something or you smurfed something." Aggressively the ornery smurf approached the female.

Reflexively, the smurfette backed up a few steps, coming to a stop when her back hit the airplane. "I didn't smurf anything!"

"Then smurf me what you know." The angry smurf snarled. He'd stopped within arm's reach of the blond, arms crossed.

"Wrath, I promise, I don't smurf anything!" She pleaded, raising her hands in supplication.

"You're not as smurfy a liar as you think you are." The male's voice was a low growl.

The smurfette was silent for a few moments, debating internally. "I smurfed her into a basket and smurfed her down the river to the other village. They'll smurf a lot better care of her than we could." She confessed.

The smurfs arms uncrossed, hands clenching at his sides. "Which stream?" There were some that he'd still have hope that the little one made it. But he'd lived in the area for far longer than she had... or rather he had the memories of someone who did. There were a few tributaries that would tumble and roll anything placed in them, as learned when they were smurflings and would race toy boats.

Nightshade looked confused. What difference did it matter which stream she used? "The one just north and west of their village. Why-ggh!"

Wrath moved suddenly, feeling a level of rage he'd not felt since his memories told him he'd been bitten by that accursed fly. He lifted the female from the ground by her throat and watched as she choked, grabbing at his hands.

"You've smurfed her! Out of all the smurfed up little creatures here, she was the only one that deserved to live!" He snarled as he squeezed tighter. She kicked at him, trying to fight back. He felt the blows but they didn't matter, they weren't hard enough to get him to loosen his grip. He watched her lips slowly turning purple and her kicks stopped.

A swift blow to the side of his head made him topple over, dropping the blond and both of them sprawling onto the floor. The enraged smurf tried to get up but another blow hit the back of his head sent him down again. The third knocked him into darkness.

The tattooed clone raised the axe handle again, bringing the wood down onto unconscious smurf's head a fourth time. Then a fifth. Coming into the storehouse to find a smurf choking Nightshade had him reacting without thinking. The fear and anger that flowed through him had him hitting the prone smurf again and again.

He didn't stop until the smurf's body dissolved into motes of light and disappeared.

Shocked out of his rage, he looked at the floor. "What the smurf?!" He looked over at the fallen female and dropped the murder weapon.

The blonde moaned weakly, still trying to pull enough oxygen into her lungs to make herself feel normal. Warm hands pulled her up to a sitting position and she was pulled into a gentle embrace. She looked up at the smurf holding her and smiled, mouthing 'hey'.

"Don't smurf. Just breathe." He paused, trying to make sense of it all. "I just... I just smurfed Gr-Wrath. Why did he smurf you?"

Instead of answering verbally, Nightshade pointed to the empty basket. Why would the other smurf go ballistic? Unless... The baby blanket laying on the floor suddenly seemed so ominous to the strong clone.

He looked down at her, agast. "Did. Did you smurf the baby?"

The female clone shrugged, pointing at the basket again and then waving her hand in the sign language symbol for water. She added the signs for give and smurf, wishing she'd... or rather Smurfette, had taken the time to learn more than some functional words in sign language.

"You put the basket into water to give to smurfs..." The strong smurf's brows furrowed as he puzzled out what might have happened. "You're smurfing that you smurfed the baby in a basket into water to give to the smurfs of the other village?" The puzzle pieces were falling into place in his head. She nodded, then winced when the movement hurt her neck. There were deep purple bruises blossoming on her skin in the shape of hands.

"So you smurfed him that and he attacked you." He said. She gave him a thumbs up this time. They'd have to figure out the details later. Right now she needed medical attention. He positioned his arms under her and lifted her up, standing up carefully.

"We're gonna smurf Wrath attacked you then smurfed off with the baby. We can work out the details after I've smurfed you to Physician's." The tattooed smurf kicked the basket and axe handle into a corner before he left the building.

**00000**

Fix looked at the wall. Some places wouldn't hold during an invasion, but he doubted the other smurfs would do such a thing. The problem was they were running out of wood and other materials; and part of the ground was far too rocky to sink posts into. They'd have to transition to a rock wall in those areas.

There were plenty of rocks near the caves, he'd just have to pick a team out to go get them. He headed towards the main body of workers, mentally listing out who should go.

"Bricks, Digger, Warrior." He called out, the smurfs looking up from their current tasks. He motioned for those three to come to where he stood near barrels of tools. "We'll need to smurf up some rock walls in some places, which means we need to smurf rocks from the caves."

Bricks nodded, running a thumb into the strap of his dark red overalls. "That'll take mortar to smurf it all together."

The handysmurf looked at the other smurfs at the wall. "Do you need any smurfs to smurf you?"

"I'll smurf Clay." The mason answered. "He'll be enough." With nods of agreement, the bricklayer left to find his help.

Fix turned back to the other two. "That'll leave you two to smurf to the caves to smurf the rocks." He glanced behind them to see Clever returning to the worksite.

"Suren as smurf I'll be glad te pick up a pickaxe again." Digger said. "But we may need a lookout. It's planting season and the caves are where rocks are dumped from the field."

"I have something new to smurf everyone from the Chief himself." The bespectacled smurf interrupted. He waited for a moment to make sure the three smurfs were paying attention. "Chief has started a demerit system to smurf unruly smurfs in line. They'll receive demerits for infractions like smurfing off of work and four demerits mean he'll punish them personally."

The engineer gave the know-it-all a look. The glee had practically dripped from Clever's words. "Well, that resmurfs me. I haven't smurfed Sleepy yet." He also hadn't seen Nightshade, Brawny, or Wrath either, but he liked them more than he did the slothful smurf. Plus, putting the egotistical smurf on the trail of the lazy one would keep him occupied and out of his way.

"I'll smurf for him and tell the others about the news from Chief." The glasses wearing smurf smirked, heading off towards the working crowd.

"He's gunna smurf with the wrong one of us and wind up smurfed." Warrior predicted. "So lad, about those rocks. It's gunna take more than tha two of us ta smurf up enough." The kilt-clad smurf watched as Clever disrupted the work to make his announcement.

"I can smurf a lookout." A voice drawled from a near empty barrel of tools. Sleepy popped his head out of his hiding spot. "Better than smurfing around here with Clever."

Fix's expression became amused. "Don't smurf now, then. Here he smurfs." There was a cruel delight in the smurf's voice as he said it.

"Sleepy! I need to smurf a word with you." The bespectacled smurf called out. The slothful smurf groaned and climbed out of the barrel.

"So I smurfed." The lazy smurf drawled.

"Chief has smurfed a demerit system and unfortunately you are the first smurf to receive a demerit for your smurfing on the job this morning." The bespectacled smurf grinned when the other smurf balled his fist. "Ah, ah! Attacking me would smurf you a demerit as well. Get four demerits and Chief will deal with you personally."

Sleepy wanted to punch the smirk right off the know-it-all's face. Settling for a glare, he spat, "Fine. I'll be smurfing lookout with the rock gathering group."

Warrior and Digger picked out three others, then the six smurfs collected tools and wheelbarrows to gather the stones. They headed out, keeping a quiet lookout for any dangers as they walked west, avoiding the other village to head to the caves. They had to cross the river, avoiding the ford that the other smurfs used entirely.

Sleepy had plenty of time to worry about what exactly would happen should he get four demerits. He was so tired all the time, couldn't the other smurfs just let him sleep? He did doze a bit, body keeping up with the others as he pushed his wheelbarrow blindly.

When they finally arrived, Warrior looked at Sleepy. "Time ta smurf down that path lad, make sure none'a tha sissy smurfs smurf up on us." The scotsmurf jerked his thumb towards the trail leading towards the veil hidden village.

"Sure." The slothful smurf drawled. He headed out until he could no longer hear the smurfs working and stopped to wait. After a few minutes, he decided that he could wait just as easily sitting down. A few more minutes and he'd talked himself into laying down. He was almost instantly asleep.

"Yo, Lazy. What's smurfing with those grey clothes?" Sleepy startled awake to a familiar voice.

"Huh, wa?" He looked up, seeing a white clad smurf -Hefty from the tattoo- pushing a wheelbarrow full of rocks down the path. This was bad, this was very bad! "Oh!" Thinking quickly, he answered the smurf's question. "It's uh, it's camouflage. Yeah. That's it. Trying to smurf in with the rocks."

"Sure. Then why not smurf around some rocks to be sure, ya mook?" The strong smurf snorted.

Sleepy realized the smurf was pushing a wheelbarrow. "Hey, wait, where are you smurfing?" He asked as stood and headed towards the smurf as the white clad one passed his resting spot.

The look of tolerant exasperation was nothing like the glares he got from the other grey smurfs. "What does it smurf like? I'm smurfing these rocks over to the caves where we usually smurf 'em."

Very, very, very bad! The slothful smurf panicked for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. What could he do to stop the smurf, Hefty wasn't the type to just let a job go unfinished... Wait! The smurf moved before he'd completely come up with the plan.

"Here, lemme smurf it. Y-you look like you could smurf a break." He said as he nearly ran the last few steps to the other smurf. He grabbed the handles in front of the tattooed smurf's hands, pulling the farm tool away from the surprised smurf. "Just smurf right here! I'll smurf right back!" He almost ran down the path, hoping that the white clad smurf wouldn't follow.

As he rounded the bend, he did break into a run. Adrenaline pushing him to move as fast as he could. The time stretched out strangely for the smurf, it seemed like it took days to reach the caves. The other grey clad smurfs were hard at work and looked up at him as he skidded to a hault.

"Hah-Hefty might be smurfing!" Sleepy exclaimed.

"Let 'em smurf here, we can smurf 'im." Fighter boasted.

Warrior thought fast, grabbing an empty wheelbarrow and heading over to the panting smurf. "Take this one and smurf back quick, lad!"

The slothful smurf grabbed the handles and ran, rushing back up the path. Faintly, he heard Warrior calling for the others to hide the tools and wheelbarrows before the clatter of the empty farm tool he was pushing drowned out the noise. He only ran this much if he were being chased by some enemy, or so his stolen memories told him.

There was no sign of the other smurf until he rounded the bend where they'd met. There was Smurfette with Hefty. He didn't think he'd ever been grateful that someone had gotten distracted as much as he was right now. He slowed to a trot, trying to keep some semblance of normalcy as he approached the pair.

When he got to them at last, he put the wheelbarrow down gratefully. "Here's... your smurf back. Hefty. Hey. Smurfette." He panted.

"Lazy, what in the smurf did you do, run the whole way?" The tattooed smurf asked, perplexed.

All Sleepy wanted to do was collapse, but he stayed standing and answered. "I kinda. Did. You two can. Smurf that back right? Need to smurf my breath." The sleepy smurf huffed.

"Yeah, we got it." The strong smurf answered. Then the blond started talking to him, and the two began to take the wheelbarrow back up the path towards their village.

It was over. It was over. Thank smurfness it was over. Sleepy didn't even have the energy to groan as he took a few steps off the path and flopped down onto his stomach in the grass. He knew he really should stay awake, but that little excursion had taken far too much out of him.

The slothful smurf fell back asleep.

**00000**

Both Fix and Planter had cleared the two medical smurfs to remain at the infirmary. The pair had also cleared it with Clever on Physician's insistence, to make sure the busybody smurf didn't make an issue of it and take that to Chief. They were discussing maladies as they entered the office.

"I've read through only two and a half of the texts so far, but are there any magical based illnesses? Those are usually a pain to heal." Surgery walked to the bookshelf, making sure to put some extra sway in her hips.

The doctor watched her as he closed the door. "Quite a few." He answered distractedly. "About half of them smurfed by Gargamel."

The brown haired female chuckled, looking over the titles. "Sounds like he was a regular bioterrorist." She glanced back at the smurf still at the door. "So what's the usual method of dealing with those. More magic?"

"Yes. I know all the theories of smurfing ingredients of potions by the symptoms and smurfing out some of the more difficult cases. But in the other village Papa or Alchemist or Brainy always smurfed up the potions." His original was worried that he'd mess something up and accidentally kill one of his fellow smurfs. Thanks to the magic... that didn't concern him as much. Oh, he'd still try his best. But mistakes happened.

"At least you know the theory." The medical smurfette turned back towards the bookshelf and grinned to herself as she bent low, acting like she was looking at the titles. "What I wouldn't give to just be able to suck that knowledge right out of yer head." It was a deliberate choice of words.

Physician approached the female at the bookshelf, staring at her rear. "So what did you really smurf when you told me 'try me' at breakfast?" He murmured and ran his finger in a small circle around the top of her tail.

Surgery smiled triumphantly before she stood and turned toward him. Her voice was low, sultry. "From the looks of yer dilated eyes, exactly what yer thinking about, hon."

"Dilated smurfs?" The doctor asked as he pulled her closer, standing flush with her body.

"Mmhm. Dilated pupils are a physical sign of sexual arousal. It's the easiest thing to see." She leaned back and started to unbutton the smurf's coat. "Other signs are harder to tell, like breathing changes..." She ran her finger along his bare chest over his heart. "Elevated heart rate..."

The words 'breathing changes' caught in his mind as he watched her open his coat completely while he grabbed her hips, squeezing. His breath hitched as she groped him through his pants.

"And of course this obvious sign for males." She purred, leaning in towards him and rubbing.

He kissed her, wanting as much contact as she was willing to give. Almost immediately she surprised him by snaking her tongue into his mouth and deepening the kiss. He slid his hands into her shirt, wanting to feel her skin. Their movements became more intense as the kissing inflamed them.

The door to the infirmary opened suddenly, Brawny entering carrying Nightshade in his arms. Surgery made an annoyed noise as she broke away from the doctor. Physician blushed and pulled his coat back closed.

The tattooed smurf cleared his throat, "Nightshade was smurfed by Wrath, her neck..." He tilted his head towards the female in his arms. The purple-black bruising around her neck could easily be seen.

"I'll go smurf the bruise salve." The doctor excused himself as he headed towards his medicine cache.

The healer motioned toward the first bed as she walked toward it. "You can sit 'er down over here." Once the raven haired female was laid down, the magic user cast her diagnostic spell. She figured that the small spell wouldn't be too flashy to the others after what happened in the field. "Well, he didn't damage yer windpipe, at least. Just lots of bruising and swelling there from the pressure. Ye've also got some petechia around yer eyes from the asphyxiation, but that's pretty harmless and should go away in a few days."

"Petechia?" Physician asked as he approached with a jar of pink ointment. He'd had to pull himself together from the earlier embarrassment and was now all business. "Smurf back please." He asked his patient.

"If you'll look around her eyes, you'll see small spots. It's what happens sometimes when ya get choked, throw up hard, or have a really bad coughing fit. Basically small blood vessels around the eyes break 'cause of the pressure." Surgery explained.

The doctor hummed in acknowledgement, carefully applying the salve to the injured female's neck. "Why in the smurf would Wrath smurf you like this?"

"It smurfs her to talk." Brawny interjected. "I smurfed him choking her, then he smurfed the basket with the baby and smurfed off into the forest."

Nightshade made the sign language word for baby and then held her hands menacingly towards her own throat.

"The fight was smurfed over the baby?" Physician asked, finishing up with the salve. The female gave him a thumbs up.

"Chief ain't gonna like that. What if he goes to the other village?" Surgery worried aloud.

"Then it'll be on his own smurf." Brawny growled. "And if I so much as smurf him near Nightshade again..." He smacked his fist into his hand angrily. It wasn't hard to summon up the vitriol needed to say that. The strong smurf would gladly beat the smurf to death again for what he'd done.

"In any smurf, it's not our problem. Though we should smurf what happened to Chief." The doctor said, putting the lid onto the jar. "You'll be right as smurf before dinner."

The dark haired smurfette signed Thank You to the healers, then motioned to the door with a questioning look on her face.

"We should probably smurf Chief sooner than later, while the evidence is still there." The tattooed smurf supplied.

"Of course. There's no need to smurf in the bed, just don't talk too much." Physician dismissed. He watched the other smurf help the injured female off the bed and walk protectively with her out the door. Huh. Maybe they were becoming closer than just friends.

Feminine arms wrapped around him and he nearly dropped the jar of salve. "Now. Where were we?" Surgery purred into his ear before she began nibbling on it.

His words came out in a half-moan. "What if another smurf smurfs in?"

She pulled away from him to answer. "Then we do our jobs. But right now I want you." The female tugged at the collar of the smurf's coat and kissed at the revealed skin of his neck.

"We should smurf to the exam room. It'd give us -ah! Give us more time to smurf decent." He'd almost lost his train of thought when she sucked gently on his exposed skin.

"Sounds like a plan." She murmured into his ear before turning and heading towards the first exam room.

Physician entered the little room, closing the door behind him and putting the jar down on a table. He turned only to have Surgery there in front of him, starting to kiss him again. The female started to undo the buttons to his coat as they kissed.

The brown haired smurfette hummed in pleasure as she felt the smurf's hands work their way into her shirt again, brushing along her sides. She pulled away from their kiss long enough to grab the shirt and tug it off over her head.

The doctor could only stare. He'd often wondered exactly what the females were hiding. The two slight mounds held darker circles in their center. He ran his thumb along one, the difference of skin texture was enticing. The moan Surgery made was even more so.

"Glad you like 'em. I think one of the more annoying things -mmm- about this body is that my D cups turned into A cups." The healer said as the male fondled her chest. She smiled as ran her hands into the hem of his pants, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from the smurf. Slowly she pulled the garment from his tail.

Physician pulled her into another kiss, feeling light headed as she pulled the hem away from his erection and pushed his pants down as far as she could. He moved his hands down to her sides, but found the female's strange clothing rather tight.

"Sit down on the exam table." The healer purred as she broke away. "I'll take care of this." She unbuttoned the fly of her jeans, watching the doctor step out of his own clothes and sit down where she suggested. She pulled the denim off her tail and slid her pants and underwear down, pulling her shoes off in the process.

"Are you going to smurf up here?" The male said huskily as she approached him. he wanted to touch her, to kiss her again.

"I will, but I also want to play a bit." Surgery murmured as she kissed a trail from his chest down to his stomach. "I don't think you'll mind." She teased before she trailed lower, enjoying the quiet hitch in her lover's breathing as she neared her prize.

Every kiss seemed to leave behind a tingling on Physician's skin, then his hips jerked involuntarily when the female's tongue flicked out to lick the base of his smurf. He gripped the sides of the table as jolts of pleasure ran up his spine from her attentions.

The former dryad was pleased with herself, he was almost shaking with need. Now to relieve some of that so he could last longer for what she wanted. Wrapping her hand partially around the base, the smurfette took the member into her mouth.

"Ah!" The doctor cried. He never expected the pleasure to feel so... "So incredible..." He moaned.

Surgery listened to her lover's reactions as she began to stroke him using her hand and mouth. The smurf started a few sentences, breaking himself off with pants and gasps.

"Faster!" Physician pleaded. He'd tried to say something more earlier, but the sensations kept preoccupying him.

The healer sped up, running her free hand up her lover's thigh to cup his balls and gently starting to fondle them. The reaction was immediate, the male crying out. She hummed in satisfaction as she coaxed him to his climax.

The doctor felt ready to explode, something was definitely building... though he had no idea what. "I'm... I'm!" Suddenly he only saw stars as the pleasure coursed through him from his orgasm.

The brown haired female felt the familiar twitching and knew what was coming. She swallowed the fluid as her lover came. After a few gentle sucks and licks, she released him.

Physician felt weak, as if the overload of ecstasy had sapped his strength. "That was... Smurftastic." He managed.

The smurfette smiled as she stood back up. "If ya liked that, yer gonna love the main attraction." She purred as she walked around to climb up behind him on the table. Her lover surprised her by turning around and kissing her. She moaned as the male lowered them both down, bodies pressing together.

The doctor wondered for half a beat why she tasted differently from her earlier kisses before he realized he was tasting himself. He didn't taste bad, he decided smugly. The smurf ran one hand down the former dryad's side before squeezing her thigh.

She had to break away at that. "Ah!" She'd thought the inexperienced male would be more nervous about touching her. She was certainly pleasantly surprised when he took the opportunity to start kissing a trail on her skin much like she had done earlier. He lingered at her breasts, drawing his tongue slowly over the darker circles to make her gasp.

"Sensitive, hmm?" Physician asked huskily. He heard the female's affirmative hum as he began his kissing trail again. Once he reached between her thighs he pulled back, studying her curiously. Running his fingers along the folds he glanced up at her. "Even more here?" It was less a question than a statement.

"Yes!" Surgery cried as she raised her hips, wanting more. "Yer teasin me." Her tone was pleading.

The doctor smiled at that, leaning in and starting to explore with his tongue. His lover's moans became deeper, punctuated by short cries. The sounds, the taste, the sights had his smurf stiffening again. He began wanting more, the need rising in him like a hunger. Finally, he lifted himself up and moved, positioning himself.

"Come on then." The brunette panted, lifting her hips again to help him. She hissed in pleasure as he hilted himself in one thrust.

The feeling was amazing and the smurf found himself moaning. He lowered himself to press their bodies together, discovering that his movements increased the pleasure. He pulled out and pushed back in, gasping.

"Ah yes! Keep that up!" The smurfette encouraged breathily. She wrapped her legs around his waist, helping him as he started a vigorous pace. The tensing in her core was beginning and she reveled in it.

Physician could feel the pleasure, but it was building far slower than it did when she had her mouth on him. The nearly quiet logical part of him wondered if that was normal. Suddenly his lover cried out beneath him and he could feel a new sensation as her inner walls clenched around his smurf.

Surgery came back to herself after riding the wave of bliss. She pulled the smurf into a kiss, feeling him respond by moving faster within her. He broke away for air and she started to kiss his collar bone. She was beginning to peak again, her breathy encouragements being replaced by incoherent cries.

The doctor was getting tired, but he primal need for completion spurred him onward. He could feel himself getting closer, the feel of the smurfette under him was incredible. It was almost as if nothing existed outside of their joined bodies, the thrill of the act all consuming.

The brunette felt the tightening, then suddenly she was tumbling over the edge into the joyous release. Her lover kept up his pace, only extending the time she was held in that indulgent state.

"Oh smurf. Do that again!" Physician moaned. The rippling of her walls around him only drew him closer to his own climax.

So he liked feeling her tighten, did he? With a look of concentration the female flexed her kegel muscles. It was hard to keep it up since the increased friction also heightened her own pleasure, making her relax. As much as she could keep her mind on things, she tried. From the cries the smurf made over her it was working.

Each time he felt the slight tightening, he was pushed further towards his release. His thrusts became less rhythmic as he neared his end. A well timed squeeze was his undoing, the doctor called out as he came.

Surgery felt the throbbing and heat which made her burst into another orgasm. For several moments the two shared their ecstasy, caught in the shared bliss. Finally the smurf relaxed on top of her, still breathing heavily from his exertion. She smiled, impressed with the smurf's stamina.

Physician felt like he'd just ran a few laps around the village, but he never felt more satisfied than he did right then. He nuzzled his lover tiredly, starting to doze off.

The brunette chuckled affectionately. "Poor Physician. Tire yerself out, honey?" She teased.

The smurf opened his eyes. "Smurfing when you're the one on top is a lot of work." He murmured.

"I could take over next time if ya like." The smurfette purred.

"Tonight?" He asked, perking up a bit.

"How's about in a few minutes after ya've caught yer breath?" The former dryad grinned, running teasing fingers down her lover's sides.

"You're going to smurf me to smurf." The doctor chuckled. It wouldn't be a bad way to go, he thought.

Surgery laughed. "I ain't lost one yet. Yer gonna be fine."

**00000**

Once out of the infirmary, Brawny looked around before pulling Nightshade between two houses. "We should smurf our story right before we smurf to Chief."

"Mm." The smurfette tested out her voice carefully before she spoke just above a whisper. "You smurfed that you smurfed Wrath. What happened to the body?"

"It was the strangest thing, he smurfed into little bits of light and just... went away." The strong clone scratched his chin as he thought. The motes of light reminded him of fireflies, or sparks from a flame.

"He smurfed into magic?" The female's voice cracked and she winced.

The smurf rubbed his arm as he nodded. "We were smurfed out of magic, so maybe because of that if we smurf we turn back into it?"

The female hugged herself, looking distressed. "It smurfs that if the spell that made us is undone, we'll be undone." She didn't go into magical theory, something she only half-understood herself, so the raven haired female kept it simple. "The magic that made us didn't smurf us permanent. We're like a really good illusion." Her throat itched and she wished they could find some water.

The smurf looked at his tattoo, the skull and swords in the place of a heart. "We need to smurf something about it then." The question was what could they do?

"We can't smurf it now. But we should smurf what we're going to say." Nightshade murmured pensively.

First things first. Right. "So you smurfed the baby into a basket and smurfed her down the river to the other smurfs. Then Wrath smurfed in, you told him, and he tried to smurf you." The strong smurf tried to get the true story right in his head.

"Mmhm." Nightshade answered. "He smurfed that I smurfed her. He sounded so sure." She frowned.

"Some of the waterways around here will smurf around anything you smurf in them." Brawny guessed. "He must've thought you smurfed her on one of those streams."

A twinge of guilt hit the female. "He did smurf which stream it was. I think I did smurf the baby." The couple were silent.

"You didn't smurf that it was a bad stream." Brawny hugged her. It was stupid of her to do what she did, but there was nothing he could do about it. He loved her too much to let her wallow in guilt.

The smurfette wasn't sure how long she stayed in the strong smurf's arms. But they had to get going unless they were going to be missed. "I smurf we should say that Wrath wanted to complain to me about how I smurfed care of baby. I said something mean and he smurfed me. You walked in, hit him, and he smurfed off into the woods with the basket."

"Smurfy." The tattooed smurf gently cupped the dark haired female's chin and kissed her. Though he wanted more, he pulled away after a few moments. "Let's smurf to Chief's."

The duo quickly walked to their leader's house and rapped on the door.

"What?!" Came the annoyed shout.

"Chief, Wrath smurfed Nightshade and smurfnapped the baby!" Brawny called.

The sound of books falling and muffled cursing came from within the house before the door was flung open. Chief did not look pleased. "What was this about attacking and kidnapping?" He snapped.

The smurfette lifted her head carefully, showing the salve covered bruises on her neck. "Wrath was mad about how I smurfed care of the baby. I smurfed something mean to him and he smurfed me. If it wasn't for Brawny..." The female's eyes teared up.

"I smurfed Wrath smurfing Nightshade, so I smurfed him off her. He picked up the basket with the baby and smurfed off into the forest." The tattooed smurf finished.

Chief ran a hand over his face. "Oh joy." He muttered sarcastically. What to do now. Comb the woods? The search parties might run upon the other smurfs and then the jig would be up. But then that runaway smurf might go to them anyway. The elder tapped his chin as he thought. Ugh, this beard was annoying.

"We need a tracker." The black-clad smurf finally decided.

"He's smurfing himself Stalker now." Brawny supplied, missing the 'a' from the sentence. The female looked at the older smurf curiously.

"Good. Get him to go fetch that deserter. I don't care if he's dead or alive." The bearded smurf commanded.

"On it Chief." The strong smurf said, hooking his arm around the smurfette. The elder shut the door as they walked down the path. The pair looked at each other with worried expressions. They would have to let the bloodhound smurf in on what had really happened.

Nightshade took a breath, trying to think. "Let's smurf by the well." It would give her time to think and let her soothe her throat.

The strong smurf's mind wandered as they made their way to the well. It'd be ridiculous to try to say Wrath killed the baby even if they told Stalker about how he'd killed the enraged smurf. They arrived at the village center and headed toward the well.

"We may have to smurf out into the woods with him and smurf him." The tattooed smurf didn't like the idea, but it was practical. He hauled a bucket of water up and watched as the smurfette drank.

The water was a soothing balm to her throat and she sighed as she sat the bucket down. "I think I just smurfed an idea."

**00000**

So he was called Stalker now. Lovely. It currently didn't matter one whit considering he and every available smurf were either planting seeds or putting up this smurf-forsaken fence. What next, guards patrolling the parameter?

Stalker wiped the sweat from his brow before starting again at the hole for the post. He didn't mind the work, his counterpart had pulled his own weight. But the reason seemed pointless. Most smurfs could take a running jump and clear the thing if they had a mind to do so. Most animals would leap over or crash right through it. So what were they keeping out, or in for that matter?

Perhaps it was just a display. Something to look imposing, he supposed. The woodsmurf leaned back, soothing his tired back muscles. A new scent on the wind had him looking toward the foreman's table where Fix was going over his plans. The smurfs formerly known as Hefty and Smurfette were there. Though for the life of him he couldn't recall what they called themselves. The dark haired female had picked some kind of flower for her name, he was sure.

The bloodhound smurf turned to start digging again. Didn't all the smurfettes get sent to the planting team? He decided that the duo were probably asking for the female to work here.

"Ay, Stalker!" The tattooed smurf's voice was as distinctive as his scent. The woodsmurf turned and looked at the couple curiously. Both were waving him over. He drove his shovel upright into the dirt and headed over to them.

"Something smurfing on?" Stalker asked as he approached.

"We've got emergency smurfs from Chief." The smurfette said. "You need to smurf with us."

How curious. The woodsmurf thought, though he started following them as they headed in the general direction of the elder's house. "Mind resmurfing me of your names? I've not smurfed everysmurf yet."

The Hefty clone jerked his thumb to his chest. "Brawny, she's Nightshade." The strong smurf waved a hand at his female companion.

The brunette motioned to them both, stopping them between two houses. "We need to smurf you in on what's happened. What's really smurfened."

Curiouser and curiouser. Stalker thought as he raised a brow. "Smurf on then."

"After lunch Wrath cornered and smurfed me." Nightshade raised her head to show off the bruises again. "We smurfed Chief that he smurfed off into the forest with the baby."

"Bloody smurf." The woodsmurf shook his head. So he was likely needed to find the smurf.

"We lied." Brawny hoped that this would go like the smurfette said it would. "This morning Nightshade smurfed the baby into the river in a basket to try and send her to the other smurfs. When Wrath smurfed out about it he tried to smurf her. I smurfed in on him throttling her and smurfed him until he smurfed."

The hunter looked between the other two smurfs. "And you want me to smurf like I've gone tracking him and failed?" He knew doubt was in his voice. His nose and experience meant there was little chance of that unless his quarry had a much longer head start and it was raining.

"We want you to say you found and smurfed him. Chief said to capture him dead or alive." Nightshade held up her hand to forestall any comments and continued. "When Brawny smurfed Wrath, the body smurfed into magic and disappeared. What that smurfs is that we're not really real. We're just really good illusions. I smurf a way we can become real. If you smurf that you had to smurf Wrath, we'll include you."

Stalker thought about that. If they knew of a way, then he could likely go to another smurf or two and figure it out. Unfortunately, his knowledge of magic was lacking. He'd never had the interest to look into it. It was a decent offer, but he wanted a bit more out of it.

"Let me smurf Azzy in on this and you've smurfed yourself a deal. She needn't smurf about the Wrath business. I only wish her to smurf real along with me." What was one more smurf if they were cutting deals like this? The woodsmurf looked at the two as they silently glanced at each other.

"Deal." Nightshade agreed. "Now we smurf out how things will smurf."


	17. Ch 13: Stranger Smurfs

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**I am so excited to finally be getting this plot in gear. Enjoy~**

Chapter 13: Stranger Smurfs  


Tracker woke up with the sun entangled with his smurffriend. Slowly, carefully, he untangled himself and slid out of the bed. The woodsmurf pulled the blanket up around his mate and spent a moment staring at her.

He was sure the smurfette had tried to tire him out the night before in a bid to make him oversleep. His memory didn't start here at her apartment, they started at dinner, when the former feline leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Let's go smurf." He was sure he'd blushed all the way down to his toes at that. They'd left dinner soon after that, Hunter teasingly calling out something in Danish that he was sure meant -good- night.

Tracker dressed himself quickly. He still had to gather his things and have a quick wash before meeting up with the archer. He quietly closed the door, hopping from one landing on the stairs to the other on the stairwell.

In the room, the former feline cracked open an eye. She stretched, got out of bed and headed towards the shower. If her mate expected her to stay when they were having all the fun, he didn't know much about cats.

Hunter was waiting at Tracker's door when the woodsmurf ran up. The bowsmurf laughed when he saw his usual hunting partner. "God morgen, ven. Oversmurf?"

The bloodhound smurf grinned sheepishly. "Just a bit. I'll need to smurf up before we leave." The smurf opened his door and strode in quickly. A clean pair of leggings and fresh hat joined his backpack, tucked into a side pocket since he'd use them soon.

The archer had followed him in and held out the other smurf's trademark walking stick. "No need to smurf so fast, we don't have a curfew." It was rare that he saw his best friend so off his game, Hunter thought with amusement. Usually the tracking smurf gave off the impression of being unflappable.

Tracker took a deep breath and let it out, accepting the walking stick. "Too right, mate. Shall we?" Exiting the house, they headed towards the bath house.

It was one of the larger buildings, disguised like a large, rounded rock. Marco had told once of baths in a distant land, inspiring Handy to pool his, Potter's, Blacksmith's and Miner's talents to build the bath house. Metal piping pulled water into the facility, which was then heated by ceramic piping that ran overtop a furnace. The result was heated water that made up a large pool in the back, while a few separate pipes were used for showering in stalls in the front. Those smurfs that didn't or couldn't have baths in their houses used the facility to clean up. It was far better than heating kettle after kettle of water and sitting in a tub.

Though Marco had stressed that the proper way to use the 'onsen' was to wash with cold water and then soak in the hot pool, smurfs pressed for time simply showered in a comfortable temperature and didn't bother with the soak. That was the woodsmurf's goal today. He showered off as quickly as possible, drying and dressing himself before he returned outside.

He tucked his usual feather into his hat. "There we are. Smurfy and ready to go." The woodsmurf shouldered his backpack.

Hunter stretched before putting on his own backpack and together the two smurfs headed towards the little bridge that led south out of the village.

The former feline kept her distance, careful not to be seen by the two hunting smurfs. Luckily the duo didn't look back in her direction at all. Huntress grinned. It would be easier once they got into the forest, then she would be able to get a bit closer provided the wind blew in her favor.

As soon as they passed through the barrier, the duo became more alert. In the forest, creatures as small as the smurfs were both predator and potential prey. Most animals knew enough to leave them alone, their bright coloring alone sent a clear warning that they were likely poisonous. But young or desperate hunters could always end a smurf's life on accident. It was how Runner lost his leg to become Disabled smurf.

Tracker shoved the memory away. Using his nose to find a nearly dead brother didn't sit well with him. Now was not the time to let his mind wander at any rate. He inhaled slowly, catching the scents of the wilderness around him. Mouse, chipmunk, squirrel; their trails were as clear to him as if the animals were standing before him. He quietly conveyed this to Hunter.

They headed onward. Squirrel and chipmunks were tricky to hunt, making them not worth the effort. The mouse trail ended abruptly, and the woodsmurf smelled hawk.

"A bird smurfed this one." The bloodhound smurf murmured as he looked about. There was no real physical sign of the event, but hawks and owls often left very little sign of smaller kills. The larger ones sometimes left blood behind, or feathers if the victim happened to be a fellow bird.

The duo continued own in a southeasterly direction, unaware of the redhead following them.

**00000**

Papa awoke to a knock at his door. The elder smurf stretched, exchanging his nightcap for his hat and being thankful he'd slept in pants instead of a nightshirt. The knock sounded again as he made it to the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm smurfing!" He called out while crossing the room. Opening the door, he saw Smurfette and Hefty, both of the younger smurfs looked nervous. "What's smurfened?" The elder asked worriedly, moving aside to let them in.

"Nothing unsmurfy, Papa." The blond reassured him as they walked in. The strong smurf took her hand in his. She waited until the elder looked at herself and Hefty before she spoke again.

"I'm in love with Hefty." She started simply, then soldiered forward. "I'm just worried about what the other smurfs will think. The last time I tried to smurf a decision it tore the village in two, and I don't want to put everyone through that again."

The elder leaned back against a table. He was surprised that the female was actually deciding something. Then he realized they were expecting him to help them with something. "I'm sorry, I'm still a bit sleepy. Would you mind smurfing me what the problem is?"

"Remember the second year after I was created? When Gargamel smurfed me with a spell and I told the village I'd pick either Handy or Hefty? It smurfed so much trouble. I just don't want to smurf that to everysmurf again." Smurfette looked at the ground. "I just feel so unsmurfy about deciding if it's going to break the other smurf's hearts."

It was times like these when Papa's adopted children impressed him the most. "You have a big heart, Smurfette. But I smurf you're worrying a bit too much. I remember that spell and I also resmurf how the other smurfs reacted. Instead of smurfing jealous, they supported either Handy or Hefty." The elder smiled. "I'm sure some will smurf more disappointed than others, but smurfs are only true to themselves when they follow their hearts. And if this is where your heart is smurfing you, then everysmurf will understand."

The florist could scarcely believe it. "You're sure, Papa?"

"Absosmurfly." He may have to have a few discussions to pull some of his little smurfs out of a funk of disappointment, but he was sure that none of them would do anything unsmurfy.

Smurfette laughed, relieved, darting across the room to hug her adopted father.

Suddenly both the hugging smurfs were lifted off their feet as Hefty bear-hugged the two from the side, laughing all the while. He felt like any minute, he'd awaken and this would be all some fantastic dream.

Once he was released and caught his breath, the elder looked at the couple. They had started holding hands again. "So, when should we smurf for the wedding?" He joked.

The pair smiled, though the strong smurf was the one to answer. "We'll smurf that out once all the excitement's smurfed over." He'd waited before, he could wait a little longer.

Papa chuckled. "Well, then we should probably smurf on to breakfast, I have to plan a journey." He launched into a briefing of what went on at Homibus's as the three of them headed out of the house and towards the mess hall.

"It's smurftastic you're able to smurf them back at least." Smurfette commented as they neared the log-like building. "I'm sure everysmurf will want to help."

The trio settled at their usual table. Breakfast was just being sat out Fryer, Baker, and Greedy doing the honors. The plump smurf was humming cheerfully to himself, fairly dancing as he put out the plates of food he had balanced in his arms.

Brainy staggered into the dining hall, only to have the ample smurf spin around him in an exaggerated dodge. The bespectacled smurf blinked blearily at the antics and trudged over to Papa's table.

"What in the world has smurfed into Greedy?" He grumbled as he sat down. He only received bewildered shrugs in response. Curiosity overcame the know-it-all and he started asking Papa about what happened with the reversal spell. The questions about the magic became detailed enough that both Smurfette and Hefty tuned the conversation out.

Gutsy dragged in along with the first trickle of smurfs. He sat down heavily at the table across from Hefty and reached for the coffee.

The tattooed smurf raised his eyebrows at that. "Smurf up late?"

"Not by choice." The scotsmurf grumbled. "Suspicious was havin'a tear. Then I go over te try an' smurf 'im down an' he goes smurfin on an' on about tha usual. All the new smurfs are apparently tryin' te smurf him in." He drank some of the dark beverage with a grimace. The taste wasn't good no matter how it was masked in his opinion.

Smurfette winced in symphony. There were a few smurfs in the village who were known for their racket made after dark. Most didn't stay up terribly late, save Handy if he was obsessed with an invention or Suspicious if he was in one of his paranoid panic states. Jokey occasionally fit the bill, though he'd been told on no uncertain terms that he'd be forced to open all of his surprises if he ever tried any late night explosions again.

Papa finished going over the curse potion with Brainy and looked at Gutsy. "Do I need to smurf to Suspicious again?" He honestly worried about the paranoid smurf. He could get to the point of not eating when he became worked up during one of his episodes.

"Aye." The scotsmurf nodded tiredly. "He's not as bad as when Smurfette smurfed along, but I dinnae think he'll smurf himself out of this one alone."

"I'll smurf to him after breakfast then." The elder nodded. Better to take care of it now than let Suspicious work himself up while he was gone.

"So I take it ye were able ta smurf some headway with the transmurfed humans?" Gutsy asked before he took another drink of coffee. Brainy watched his following grimace with a haughty look. How could anysmurf not love coffee?

"Indeed. Unfortunately, the spell smurfs too much energy. I'll have to assist Johan, Peewit, and the last three transmurfed humans in smurfing a special crystal to help the spell." Papa had been buttering his toast as he spoke and bit into it with relish.

"If ye need another hand, I'd be happy te smurf." The scotsmurf offered.

"Good morning smurfs!" Peewit called out from the entrance. "Or should I say fellow smurfs?" The jester chuckled at his own joke.

"Peewit! Smurf over here!" Harmony called out from his seat, waving. The dwarf headed over to the table, leaving Johan, Lars, Finn, and Samuel to make their way over to Papa's table.

"Good morning." Johan greeted as they seated themselves.

Papa waited until the transformed humans were settled before he began. "Well, we have quite a bit to sm-ah- plan for this morning." Oops, almost started in smurfish. The elder took a sip of coffee. "By my estimation, the entire trip should take about a fortnight, give or take a few days."

"That reminds me." Johan leaned forward. "Is it strange that I can understand when you say the word smurf now? Or is that simply a part of being a smurf?"

"That's a part of being a smurf, lad!" Gutsy answered instead.

Smurfette nodded. "I've only ever had troubles if I was suffering from magic fatigue."

"Magic fatigue?" Both Johan and Lars asked in stereo.

Brainy cleared his throat. "Magical fatigue can happen to a smurf if they smurf too much magic, or if they have their magic drained for whatever reason. Gargamel's smurfalator for example. It smurfed three days before I smurf up the simplest potion after what happened in the other world." Something occurred to him and he peered at the former bandits curiously. "Are you three still s-ah having trouble understanding the word smurf?"

"It's strange, I couldn't last night when we returned... but this morning, it's like suddenly opening a window." Finn answered pensively. Beside him Lars and Samuel nodded or murmured their agreement.

The know-it-all nodded. "That's good. It smurfs you're recovering pretty quickly. I still wouldn't try to smurf any magic, but then I guess being humans before it's not likely you smurfed magic unless you're a mage." He started to say more but Gutsy pressed a fresh cup of coffee into his hand, distracting him.

"My smurfness, who is that?" Papa asked, looking at another table. Sitting beside Jokey at his usual table was a dark haired smurfette dressed in familiar navy clothes. "Is that Alchemist?"

"Oh smurf." Hefty sighed. "Yeah. Jokey was smurfed into a smurfette yesterday. It was a potion." He really didn't want to recall what happened the previous morning.

"At least they're not smurfing this morning." Brainy grumbled as he finished his third cup of coffee.

"Kissing?" Lars repeated, glancing behind him.

"A prank?" The bearded smurf guessed immediately. Usually if Jokey was involved that's what it was.

"They're smurffriends." Smurfette answered. "For a month now, or so they smurf."

It was a new word to the former humans. But they understood that it meant the two smurfs in question were together romantically. The four of them experienced various levels of discomfort. The group said nothing, the former bandits figuring it none of their business and the Knight thinking it was some bit of smurf culture that he wasn't aware of.

"Well, that's surprising." Papa commented. "Jokey never seems to smurf serious about anything." He certainly hoped that it wasn't some prank on Alchemist.

"Do you think we have all the supplies on hand, Papa Smurf?" Johan asked, changing the subject.

"Oh yes, I'm quite certain." The elder nodded. The conversation turned to planning until they were interrupted by a smurf standing on a chair and making an announcement.

"Attention! Attention!" Party Planner waited until the room had quieted. "Ze party to velcome ze new smurfs vill be tomorrow evenink!"

A smurf jumped up from his seat. "Wooo!"

"Zat's enough, Reveler." Party chided, though he was grinning. "Zis is informal. So! You don't have to smurf back to Social, but any help vould be extra smurfy!" The smurf hopped down from the chair and the volume immediately became louder than when he'd began.

"Smurfette, would you smurf with me to the party?" Hefty asked, smiling.

The blond only hesitated for a moment before she smiled back. "I'd love to." Something in the warmth of the female's voice had Gutsy looking at the two smurfs across from him.

Papa leaned back in his chair. He'd hoped to check on Party Planner and get him to hold off on the party, but now it was out. "I certainly smurf that nothing gets out of hand."

"We'll keep an eye on things here, Papa. You can smurf on us." Gutsy reassured him.

"I'm sure that the five of us can undertake the trip if need be." Johan offered. It hadn't been the first time the Knight had been off adventuring, after all.

"I'm sure everything will be just smurfy." The bearded smurf said. After he'd said it he was sure he was reassuring himself as much as the others at the table.

**00000**

Grouchy fought the urge to groan out loud. A party. He hated parties, all the awkward 'Hey Grouchy, come dance!' or 'How's the punch?' and other such annoying social interactions. He'd call the whole thing a wash and hole up in his house if it wasn't for a certain dark haired female sitting beside him.

He scowled at Mirror making a show of asking Vanity to accompany him to the party. And then Vanity making a show of accepting. Painter clapped for the couple. Handy, Poet, and Actor raised their glasses when the french smurf called for a toast. He raised his own with a grumble about hating toasting. What was the point of it anyway?

He grunted when Vexy nudged his side.

"Yeah?" The grump rumbled. He'd almost forgotten. He should probably ask her now.

"Well tough guy, seems like there's a party coming up." The former naughtie's hint was about as subtle as a bull in a china shop. Handy was probably chuckling from the way his sides were twitching like that.

Yup, definately should ask her. The ornery smurf held himself back from grumbling about hating parties. She smiled at him and it reminded him of the look she'd have just before she kissed him. The thought of more of those kisses made him a bit less reluctant to act.

He swallowed, glancing off to the side. "So, um. Wanna smurf to the party together?"

Vexy grinned. "Anytime, tough guy." She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

He was sure he was blushing; and he valiantly fought off that stupid besotten smile that he'd seen other smurfs get. Though it settled onto his face partially as an odd quirk of the lips.

"Ah! That's almost more smurfy than us!" Mirror gushed, his arm wrapped around Vanity's side.

"Almost, darling, but not quite." The vain smurf said as he angled the mirror in time to catch Grouchy's face going from almost-smitten to glaring at them. Handy smiled but wisely kept his mouth shut.

Poet lifted his cup again. "To romance! Long may it smurf our hearts to soar!"

"'Ere, 'ere!" Painter agreed.

"I really hate toasting." Grouchy grumbled, lifting his glass again.

**00000**

This was just too good. Greedy thought to himself. Earlier he'd been elated, planning out another date. And now!

He'd told Fryer about the date, especially how it'd ended. He wasn't lying when he called it 'the smurfiest kiss he'd ever smurfed'. He ran his plan for that afternoon's date by the cajun smurf and was told it was clever.

"Gre-gre." His friend had started with his nickname. "You don't smurf you movin a bit fast, yeah?"

He'd thought about that before he answered. "I don't think anysmurf knows exactly how fast or slow to smurf things." He wasn't about to mention what the healer had told him about being a nymph. Maybe to her, this was slow? That broke him from his train of thought and he looked at the former dryad.

He decided he was fine with whatever speed they took.

The smurf leaned over towards the female sitting right beside him. "Would you like to smurf to the party with me, Medic?"

"Sure, I'd like that." She smiled at him, then looked thoughtful. "Is that movin today's date ta tomorra?"

"Nope!" He said excitedly. "I've got something really smurfy planned for after lunch."

"I'll let Doctor know then. He might be able ta get the diagnostic spell today." She was hopeful since the smurf was able to move his magic around much more quickly than she had when she was being taught.

Suddenly there was a commotion at another table and the duo turned to look. Alchemist had Jokey on the ground, tickling the smurf. The prankster's laughter was loud enough that the other smurfs noticed and quieted a bit. The male had tears in his eyes before he finally gave in.

"I smurf!" Jokey managed to yell. The dark haired female stopped her attack with a smug look on her face. Then she leaned in and asked him something quietly, only a few of the closest smurfs could overhear.

The bomber said something that Greedy couldn't make out, though he crossed his hand over his chest in his usual 'smurfs honor' motion. Then he grinned and pulled the potioneer into a hug that she quickly returned.

"I smurf what that's about." The plump smurf wondered out loud.

"She was gettin him ta agree about somethin, I think." Medic tilted her head.

**00000**

"Well, I wonder how Tracker's going to smurf once he realizes he's missed out on smurfing to a party with Huntress." Fisher snickered as he poured himself some more water. He had half a mind to ask the redhead out himself, just as a joke of course.

"Come to smurf of it. Where'd that shelia smurf off to?" Herder asked. She'd stolen most of the meat from the table for the past three days and now it seemed like they had too much.

"I'd bet mah hat she's smurfin off followin Tracker and Hunter." Wooly predicted. He balanced Baby on his knee with one hand and offered her another spoonful of pureed sarsaparilla. Feeding the infant was no harder than any other baby animal by his estimation. He was supposed to watch her until lunchtime.

"Well, I think if I smurf off now to do some logging, I'll be able to smurf back in to the village in time for the party." Timber was glad the announcement had been made this morning, he'd been planning on heading out himself. The woodcutter suspected that there was something romantic going on between the new redhead and the woodsmurf. That had been fairly confirmed the evening previous by the way he blushed after she'd whispered something into his ear.

No use crying over how the chips fell, he decided.

Suddenly the lumberjack was hit in the face with a spoon half full of sarsaparilla puree. The other smurfs stared in shock as he wiped the green goop from his face. Honestly, did they think he'd get mad over a baby?

Timber started guffawing. "She's got a pretty smurfy arm!" He said before starting to laugh again. The others laughed along with him.

Baby leaned forward, grabbing the edge of the plate with her food on it and tipping it into Wooly's lap. The cowsmurf stopped laughing a let out a short shout, scooping the smurfling up and standing. The other smurfs at the table looked amused, but had stopped laughing.

"Well smurfs. This youngin can smurf a mess in no time flat." The country smurf chuckled. "Looks like we both need smurfin up."

"You head out and smurf that, mate. I'll smurf up the mess on the floor." Herder offered.

"Thank'ee kindly, pardner." Wooly said, carrying the smurfling towards the door.

Timber started to snicker. "By golly, I'm glad I only smurfed the spoon!" He boomed before guffawing again. The other smurfs laughed along with him.

**00000**

Harvest had headed out early, grabbing a few still hot muffins from the kitchen in addition to an extra gathering basket. One he wore strapped to his back, much like a large backpack. The other he carried. The smurf wanted to get a jump start on gathering wild mustard, then head around to the sarsaparilla fields. Currently the gatherer was picking wood sorrel as he found it randomly.

"Harvest! I'd smurf that basket anywhere!" A voice called out and the smurf stopped mid-pull to look at who was shouting.

There were two smurfs, both with heavy backpacks. As they approached the gleaner smurf grinned and shouted back, "Traveler! Camper! Good to smurf you two again!"

The three smurfs were finally close enough to talk normally when the mapmaker finally spoke again. "Good to smurf you too. Anything smurfened while we were gone?"

Harvest laughed. "Too much! We've had a baby smurfed by stork, turns out she's a little smurfling smurfette." He watched as the two smurfs gasped over that. "Gargamel smurfed a bunch of forest animals into smurfs and a few humans too."

"What?" Camper said, aghast. Traveler just stared with a wide-eyed expression.

"Peewit was one of them, so we smurfed up a rescue mission just in time to see Johan smurf the castle with some human knights and archers. Johan smurfed Gargamel and was transmurfed into a smurf himself!" The gatherer was getting more and more excited as he told the tale. "Three of those transmurfed smurfs decided to stay in the village as smurfs and another smurfette had smurfed up out of nowhere just before all of that. We've got three new smurfettes smurfing in the village now, plus Baby and the transmurfed snake."

"Great Smurfs!" The cartographer murmured. "We'll smurf with you, just smurf us everything from the beginning."

The three smurfs headed slowly towards the sarsaparilla field, the gleaner smurf gathering wild edibles and telling his tale as they went. The two wanderers helped him, spotting wild mustard and filling the carried basket full. By the time the trio made it to the fields, it was nearly lunch time and the two smurfs were in awe at all of the excitement that had happened.

"Ah smurfs. Why does everything exciting seem to smurf when we're gone?" Camper lamented.

"Who are those smurfs?" Traveler asked, pointing to a group of five smurfs clad in grey clothes instead of their normal white. The group didn't seem to notice them as they approached.

One grey smurf smacked the other on the back of the head as the trio got close enough to talk. "Just smurf them Indecisive." He growled. The smacked smurf started picking leaves.

"Well, no smurf like the present to find out." The cartographer shrugged and shouted to the crowd, "Hello smurfs!"

The five smurfs froze, turning around almost in unison. The one who'd been smacked looked panicked. "Oh smurf."

Another with a sideways hat waved a hand. "Lemme smurf this."

The one who'd done the slapping glared at him. "Oh no. I'm in charge of this mission, smurfhole. I decide what we're gonna smurf."

It was clear by now to the three white clad smurfs that these were strangers. Camper looked at the five smurfs. "Wow! We've never seen other smurfs before! Who are you smurfs? Where do you smurf from?"

The question was all but ignored as a third grey clad smurf threw in his comment. "Fighter, ya know Pensive's tha thinker, why not let 'im smurf ta these smurfs?" The three white clad smurfs found it odd that that one sounded exactly like Wooly.

Camper looked annoyed at being left out of the conversation. "Hello? Smurfs?" The other two white clad smurfs exchanged confused looks.

Again the query was ignored. The one called Fighter cracked his neck, talking where the white clad smurfs couldn't hear. "Chief smurfed we shouldn't be seen. So, we smurf them to Chief." He explained quietly.

"**Smurf them!**" He shouted, surging forward.

Pensive slapped his hand over his face. "You nincomsmurf." He charged right after three of the others did, though. Indecisive held back, looking back and forth between the three smurfs.

"Wha!?" The hiking smurf managed to exclaim as two of the grey clad smurfs got to him first. Immediately the smurf was fighting back, kicking and throwing punches.

Traveler backpedaled long enough to unhook one of the straps to his backpack. As one of the grey smurfs approached, he swung the leather sack around hard and caught him in the gut with it. He didn't have time to pull back for another swing before the fourth smurf was on him.

Harvest had a few seconds to think and scooped up a stick. Then one of the fighting grey smurfs shouted, "Indecisive, smurf him!" The gatherer waited until the flighty smurf had run close enough before swinging as hard as he could. The stick connected with the smurf's head and he fell to the ground.

The smurf that had been winded by the backpack scrambled to his feet, starting to head toward the basket carrying white clad smurf. Harvest ran, dropping his baskets and weaving through a few trees before diving into a bush. He heard the footfalls of this pursuer and tensed, waiting.

"Smurf!" The grey smurf cursed before he walked away.

Years of being chased by a demented wizard and ornery cat told the gleaner to wait. He counted his breaths. On 23, he heard further movement. The grey smurf had been cleverly trying to wait him out. As quietly as he could, he slid out of the bush, creeping back towards the site of the fight. He hid behind a rock to look at what was going on.

"You'll probably smurf a demerit for letting that last one smurf away." Fighter sneered as he finished a knot. Both Traveler and Camper were tied to poles like a pair of killed animals and for a moment Harvest feared the worst. He watched them carefully and noticed their ribs moving, relief flooding through him.

"That's if you don't smurf a demerit for attacking like a nincomsmurf." Pensive griped. "We could have tricked them, or smurfed friendly and claimed we were more transfmurfed smurfs or something. Anything!" The smurf was leaning against a sarsaparilla stalk and talking in a somewhat bored tone.

"He's right, pardner. T'wern't no excuse for smurfin 'em up." The country smurf agreed.

"Let's just smurf these two back to Chief. They can't smurf a rescue if they don't smurf where these two are." Fighter decided smugly.

Harvest grimaced from his hiding place. That grey smurf was right. He'd have to follow those smurfs to find out where they were going to keep Traveler and Camper. What a time for Tracker to leave on a hunting trip... He peeked around the rock, watching the smurfs pick up the poles and haul his brethren off.

Carefully, he shadowed the smurfs, heading north then east. While he didn't have Traveler's sense of topography, he'd been gathering wild edibles from the area surrounding the village for nearly a century. He could tell that they were northeast of the village when he came upon an imposing wall and watched them carry his fellow smurfs into a gate guarded by two more grey clad smurfs.

He waited until the guards were looking away and followed the wall for a bit. He jumped up, catching the top of the wall with his hands and hauling himself up just enough to see.

The smurf was shocked to see an entire village that hadn't been present last fall. There were smurfs heading off in the same direction. Harvest realized that they were going to a large log-like building, which he guessed was their mess hall.

"Intruder Alert!" A cry from behind him had the gatherer jerk his head in that direction. There was a grey smurf crying out, calling more guards. If he got caught now, there was no way the others could find him and the captured smurfs quickly.

The smurf dropped down and was off like a shot, dodging around trees and diving through bushes. He heard the sounds of pursuit, but didn't stop. Several times, thuds sounded near his feet or on nearby trees. He realized what was happening when a spear sailed over his head to dig into a tree he was planning on going around. Finally, saw the familiar grounds just before the edge of the barrier. He heard one of them calling out for the others to stop as he crossed through the magic.

Harvest didn't stop running until he got into the village and saw two storks with smurfs on their backs. He dashed to them, seeing the red that likely signified Papa on Feathers.

"Help! Help!" The gatherer cried. The smurfs gathered at the feet of the birds turned to look at him. Papa tapped Feathers and the bird extended a wing, letting him slide down to meet the distressed smurf. Behind him, Johan jumped from the bird and Peewit half slid, half tumbled down the bird's wing.

"My smurfness, Harvest, what's wrong?" The elder asked.

"Traveler. Camper. Smurfed by. Strange smurfs!" The gleaner gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"Smurfs?" "Did he smurf other smurfs?" The crowd began to murmur.

The bearded smurf looked shocked, but put his hand on the out of breath smurf's shoulder. "Smurf your breath. Then you can smurf what happened."

Harvest spent the next minute focusing on getting his breathing under control. Once he was sure he could explain he began. "I smurfed Traveler and Camper and we smurfed to the sarsaparilla fields. There we smurfed five strange smurfs wearing grey clothes. They smurfed us and smurfed out Traveler and Camper while I smurfed away. I smurfed them and they smurfed to a village. A whole village of grey smurfed smurfs just northeast of here! They smurfed me and I smurfed back here as fast as I could." The gatherer tried to control his shaking from the adrenaline wearing off. "Papa, that village wasn't there last fall, it had to have been smurfed recently."

"This is amazing! Other smurfs." The elder began. "Perhaps it's all a misundersmurfing." He said hopefully. The older smurf was intrigued, excited even, over the thought of other smurfs. What were they like? How did they come to build a village so close by without any smurf of this village finding out? Why did they attack his little smurfs? The last thought put a damper on his enthusiasm.

The susurration of the crowd had grown into a buzz as the elder thought. "We should smurf to them. I certainly hope it's a misundersmurfing." He turned, looking at Peewit and Johan. "I hope you don't mind the wait." The bearded smurf said apologetically.

Johan shook his head. "As I've said before Papa Smurf, we could undertake this quest if you're needed here. You've shown us how to work the wand, we have the maps and supplies. It seems the smurfs need you here more than we require your assistance."

The red clad smurf thought for a moment. As much as he didn't like the thought of it, he was needed more here than with a capable knight and his companions. "Very well, Johan. I wish you luck my friend." He shouldered off his backpack, untying the wand and handing the staff-like length of wood over to the knight.

"And I you, my friend." Johan said. "We'll take Quill, I think you may have need of Feathers." Truthfully, the transformed human wanted to stay and assist the smurfs however they needed. But he would be remiss in his duties to the King if he lingered. In the end, he chose duty, taking a running jump and landing atop the other stork's back where Lars, Finn, and Samuel sat. The bird helpfully scooped Peewit up by the shirt with his bill and placed him along with the other smurfs.

The five transformed humans received a distracted farewell from the gathered smurfs as Quill spread his wings to take off. Peewit whimpered as the bird leapt into the air and beat his wings down powerfully. Then the adventurers were off, leaving the smurfs to handle the current crisis.

"I think we should smurf careful about this, Papa." Gutsy started. "I dinnae think smurfs who attack first and smurf questions later jus' misundersmurfed."

"Nonsense!" Papa dismissed. "I've never smurfed of such a thing as an unsmurfy smurf. You'll see Gutsy, they'll smurf Traveler and Camper free. I'm smurf of it."

After a quick discussion, Harvest led the way back to the strange village along with Papa, Gutsy, Brainy, Hefty, and Jokey. The prankster smurf invited himself along, only saying something when Brainy happened to look behind him and spotted him. The bespectacled smurf began to make an issue of it until Gutsy smacked him in the back of the head.

The six smurfs quieted as the village wall came into view. Two smurfs with spears stood guard at the opening of the wall. One noticed them as they walked towards the gate.

"Halt! Who smurfs there!?" The guard called. The second with him tensed, gripping his spear.

"Hello smurfs!" Papa called. "We're smurfs from another village close by. We smurf in peace to talk to your leader!"

The guard waved the group forward until they stood close to the gate. Then he held up his hand to stop them. "Smurf here. I will go smurf Chief." Passing his spear to a nearby grey clad smurf looking curiously at the goings-on, the smurf ran into the village.

They waited.

Something occurred to Hefty and the tattooed smurf looked at the prankster. "Ok Jokey, smurf it over."

"Smurf what over?" The comedian asked with a chuckle.

"The surprise I'm sure you're smurfing under your hat." The strong smurf said. "If you hand one of those over, who smurfs how these new smurfs will react? And they've smurfed spears."

"I only smurf my ribbon under there." To prove it he lifted his hat, showing a spool of red ribbon balanced on his head. "No surprises, smurfs honor." The bomber grinned. Of course, now that he knew the way here, he could pull pranks to his heart's content. But they didn't need to know that, now did they?

"Jokey, smurfing serious. Who'd 'a smurfed." Hefty shook his head.

"For some smurf I doubt that." Brainy grumbled, casting a suspicious look at the prankster. The comedian only grinned teasingly back.

To the waiting smurf's utter shock, the leader that approached looked like he could be Papa's twin wearing a black hat and pants. The red-clad smurf could only stare as Chief approached. The smurf was accompanied by several grey clad smurfs.

"I feel like I'm smurfing double." The bespectacled smurf breathed.

The black-clad smurf crossed his arms. "Well, what do you want?"

The comment jarred Papa from his shock. "We came to try and smurf out a misundersmurfing. We smurf in a nearby village and two of my little smurfs have been smurfed by some of your smurfs."

"Yes. I was just punishing the dolts for being idiots." Chief grumbled, turning to one of the grey smurfs. "Go get those two smurfs. And be quick about it!"

The red elder smiled. He knew it had to be a mistake! "You must have some smurfy stories to tell. How did you smurf this whole village since last fall?"

The black bearded smurf smirked. "That's a trade secret." He glanced behind him, watching as the two white-clad smurfs were led from the grey village. "In any case, here's your missing smurfs. We're very busy and have work to get back to."

The look of joy on Traveler and Camper's faces soothed the nerves of the other smurfs. Papa approached the black-clad smurf and held out his hand for a handshake. "There are no unsmurfy feelings, my friend. It would be smurfy if you would smurf to the party we're having tomorrow evening."

With a sneer, the dark dressed elder refused to shake the other's hand. "Bah! Who has time for frivolous parties?"

Taken aback, Papa dropped his hand. "Well then, we'd best smurf back to our own village and allow you to get back to what you were smurfing." The elder turned, leading his smurfs away.

"Those are some strange smurfs." Hefty began once they were out of earshot. "I'm not sure I trust 'em, Papa."

"Aye. They smurf off for some reason." Gutsy rubbed his chin.

"There were several unsmurfy things I noticed." Brainy pushed his glasses up on his face. "They smurf weapons for one! As Papa smurf always says: 'Use of weapons is a human custom and should remain a human smurf'. Then there are- Ow!" The egotistical smurf was cut off as one of the smurfs smacked him on the back of the head. He glared, unsure if it was Jokey or Camper.

The bearded smurf shook his head. "I'm sure they're just as smurfy as any smurf. We have no idea what those smurfs have smurfed through before they settled here, after all. I'm sure that they may seem unusual at first smurf, but once we get to know them we'll see they're just as smurfy."

All the smurfs heading back, Papa included, certainly hoped that was the case.


	18. SF Side Series: First Days 03

**Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

***Wavy Caps are real mushrooms. Dusk amanita are not.**

**Warnings for: Attempted murder, mild violence.**

Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 03

Fryer liked to think of himself as a friendly smurf, though what he'd seen at lunch made him feel anything but. He also still liked to think of himself as Fryer, but his name had been changed.

"Gumbo, get your smurf out of the clouds and lavoro!" Chef, now calling himself Cook, snapped from behind him. He didn't like his new name, empathizing with his best friend. He was also getting rather tired of the micromanaging, bossy smurf that was currently running the kitchen.

And then he'd caught Brawny and Nightshade kissing. There were two smurfs that were making his life hell now.

He paused his scrubbing. Two smurfs that he wouldn't mind seeing gone. He grinned, starting to scrub harder as his mind traveled that train of thought. Nothing messy, a mess might lead back to him and then he'd have to answer to Chief. And he was fairly sure that if he tried attacking Brawny directly he'd be the one who'd wind up dead.

Something subtle. Something hard to identify at first glance.

Gumbo jumped as Gluttony plopped another stack of dirty dishes down near him. The plump smurf was still in a mood then. He had been since breakfast and it was likely over that brown haired smurfette.

The cajun smurf shifted as his friend took up the space beside him and began to rinse and dry the dishes.

"Get any further with dat plan?" The frycook murmured as he handed over a dish.

"I'm stumped." The gourmet smurf grumbled. "Any way I can smurf of involves having to touch her. If I do that, I'm smurfing she'll put me to sleep again."

Don't touch. It reminded Gumbo of something. "Mais, what was that one mushroom you smurfed we can't touch?" Poison! That was it.

Gluttony's eyes widened and he grinned. "Wavy Caps. If you smurf them you see things, but if you eat them you're as good as smurfed." There was also one that could be used to put smurfs into a deep slumber. The Dusk Amanita would be perfect to help him get revenge. He was sure he could get both if he had the time away from the kitchen.

The frycook knew enough not to talk about it loudly, he double checked to make sure they wouldn't be overheard. "Gre-gre, I tink we could smurf all our problems with just a little extra spice, yeah?"

"Oh yes. I'll have to smurf now though." He glanced over at the stacks of dishes.

"Go. I'll smurf dese up." It was a small price to pay. The cajun smurf chuckled and waved.

Putting the towel down, the plump smurf headed over to the gathering baskets and shouldered one on like a backpack.

"And you are smurfing where?" Cook crossed his arms as he looked at the bib wearing smurf.

"What does it smurf like?" Gluttony jerked his thumb to the basket on his back.

"Leaving your friend to smurf all the work?" The verbal jab didn't have as much punch to it considering Gumbo wanted him to go.

"Smurf off Cook." The plump smurf sneered as he walked out of the kitchen.

It was hard for the frycook not to laugh out loud at the chef's insulted expression. Instead, he started singing as washed.

"Alouette, gentille alouette; Alouette, je te plumerai!" He realized the context of the song and sang it so the other two smurfs could understand. "Little skylark, lovely little skylark; Little skylark, I'll pluck your feathers off!"

A cup smashed into the wall near his head. "Smurf your nonsense!" Cook bellowed. For a moment, Gumbo was angry, but soothed himself by thinking about just how soon he'd be rid of the kitchen tyrant.

With a grin, the cajun smurf hummed the tune softly to himself, mood much improved.

**00000**

Gluttony figured it would be best to hunt north of the village. It was less likely that he'd run into one of the white clad smurfs in that area. He was glad the mushrooms he was after were the kind that didn't grow in bogs. Those were south of the other village.

The amantia first. He knew of a sure place to find them, but it was pretty close to the other village and he wanted to avoid it for now. Those grew around oaks and a few other trees. From his stolen memories he knew that they helped the tree's roots and the trees helped the mushrooms. He never could recall that term that Papa Smurf had used.

Most species of amanita were poisonous, so much so that they could kill a human easily. Smurfs could eat many of the same foods as humans, though they reacted differently to some poisons. Amantia may give a smurf a stomach ache in the worst case scenario for the ones humans called Death Caps.

On the other hand, Wavy Caps were used by humans as an intoxicant -but they could easily kill a smurf. The plump smurf knew he'd have to be very careful collecting those. If he so much as touched one, he'd be hallucinating. To actually eat one would mean death with just a bite. He always thought it odd that the mushroom turned blue when disturbed. Like some sort of mockery of a smurf.

He spotted some mushrooms, but just as quickly dismissed them and kept going. They were amantia, but the wrong type. He was looking for a slightly purple species.

He took a circuitous route, looking around for both types. Finally, in a meadow, he spotted a few Wavy Caps. He only needed one of the large crowns, carefully pulling it off using leaves and wrapping it carefully before tying it with a blade of grass.

As the sun moved across the sky, Gluttony decided he should just go to where he knew the right mushrooms grew. The Dusk Amantia were harvested as needed to make sleeping potions or a candle that helped a smurf sleep.

The clone became more watchful as he neared the other village. If they found him, there was no doubt there would be questions. The last thing the plump smurf needed at this point was to be the one who had the village discovered.

He found the usual stand of oaks the mushrooms grew at and looked for one. Hopping around the roots, he almost missed it. The dull red-purple cap blended in well with it's surroundings. It was fully opened and one of the largest ones, a smurf could lay down on the top with little trouble.

The smurf wished he'd brought a sickle with him. He'd have to tear a piece off. He worked at one edge, pulling at the fleshy cap to pull off three hunks about the size of his fist. It was more than enough, but better to be prepared with more than he'd need. The ample smurf layered a few extra leaves on top of the wrapped Wavy Cap before he placed the other mushroom pieces on top.

The gourmet set off at a quick pace. He wouldn't have the time to look for any actual edibles, but he really didn't care. Cook would believe him if he came back empty handed -though the chef would likely berate him for eating everything he found. Perfect cover, same 'ol greedy smurf eating everything.

He didn't relax until he spotted the wall. Now he had to hide the mushrooms. Those he carefully separated and put under a small shrub behind the mess hall. Only after his basket was empty did the smurf enter the log shaped building. The kitchen was abuzz with movement as the three remaining culinary smurfs took the prepared food out to the tables. The plump smurf hung the basket back up and started helping.

As he passed his best friend Gluttony murmured, "Smurf me around back after dinner." The cajun smurf grinned at him and nodded. Hungry smurfs had started entering the dining hall, seating themselves in their habitual places. He ignored the glare he got from Cook and seated himself after the last of the food was placed.

The plump smurf was about halfway through his dinner when the doors were pushed open quickly and in came Azrael and Stalker. The male had two strips of cloth around his torso and lower leg, both were stained with blood.

"Hey, Surgery! Get over here!" The redhead called out. The noise in the room almost died out as the healer bustled over. How had the smurf gotten injured like that? She had the male sit down on a chair and started tending to him immediately. Chief stood and made his way over as well.

Gluttony turned back around in his chair, ignoring the goings on in favor of finishing his food. He still had a meeting to get to, and right now would be the perfect distraction. It would look strange for **him** of all smurfs to leave food uneaten, though. He finished as quickly as he could, getting done after the healer was done and Chief had left with Stalker to hear what had happened.

He left by way of the kitchens, checking to see if Gumbo was still there. The plump smurf was almost out of the door when an arm suddenly blocked his path.

"Buonasera." Cook sneered. "I trust you enjoyed your smurfing, no?" The chef leaned on the doorframe.

"Did you expect me to smurf down to the sarsaparilla field and harvest?" The greedy smurf countered.

"I expected voi to smurf 'ere and 'elp!" The smurf growled. He had the memories of a smurf who'd work with Chef for four decades. Gluttony should have known how busy the dinner rush is. There weren't many smurfs who habitually skipped the final meal of the day. It was stressful keeping up with the food. There were smurfs who liked things that others hated, and a few that got sick if they eat certain foods. Most sat at the same tables out of habit, so the food served was often by table but there were changes to their habitual seats now. Then there was the fat smurf before him!

The plump smurf resisted rolling his eyes in exasperation. "I'll smurf cleaning up like I always do. Don't flip your smurf." The chef was always wound too tight in Gluttony's opinion.

"Bene." Cook moved away from the door. "See that you smurf your word." The chef stalked away, starting to clean up the kitchen.

The bib wearing smurf headed out the door, looking around for his friend. It didn't take him long as he heard 'tssst' and turned to look at the source of the sound. Gumbo was behind a bush close to where he'd hidden the mushrooms.

He glanced around to make sure he wasn't being watched then headed over to the hidden goods. Two of the three amantia pieces could fit under his hat, the third he carried. Carefully he picked up the wrapped Wavy Cap and pushed deeper into the bushes.

"Cho, Gre-gre, when you come tru you come tru." The cajun smurf whispered excitedly, reaching out for the package.

Gluttony pulled it away. "I can't smurf this enough. Don't. Touch. It. Make sure you're smurfing gloves or using something else to smurf it and then wash those carefully after. Ok?"

"Got it." With some reluctance the frycook took the package. If it made the gourmet nervous enough to warn him twice, then he'd listen. "I had de idear to pulp it and smurf it into some water. Dat'd work yeah?"

The plump smurf nodded. "It should. I smurf most of us keep a water pitcher in case we smurf thirsty at night."

Gumbo looked at the leaf wrapping as if the contents were going to bite him. "I'd bedder smurf den."

"I'll smurf up here. I'll smurf Cook and Pastry that you were tired and smurfed to bed early." Gluttony offered. It was only fair considering how the cajun smurf covered for him after lunch.

"Tank you, Gre-gre!" The frycook's voice almost rose above a whisper he was so excited.

The two smurfs parted, the plump smurf tucking the last bit of mushroom into an out of the way spot on the awning over the door. Most of the smurfs should be finished by now and he'd have to take in all of the dishes and wash them by himself. He knew by the time he was done most of the smurfs would be asleep.

The perfect time to enact his plan.

**00000**

Stalker knew the plan. Head out into the woods, 'find' Wrath. He was supposed to have words with him before they fought, so he had to come up with that and be able to convey it convincingly. But how was he supposed to make himself look like he'd had a life or death battle out in the wilderness? Any way he could come up with also had the potential to actually kill him or maim him enough to where he wouldn't be able to make it back to the village safely.

The other smurfs wouldn't believe him if he came back uninjured. Wrath could fight. They'd never tested themselves against each other, but given the grouch's disposition and history with the epidemic none of the other smurfs really **wanted** to try and fight him.

The woodsmurf hopped over a log, glancing down at the basket in his hand. It was a pity about the baby. He'd have to come up with that too. Good illusions or not, they still left a scent trail.

The smurf paused, eyes searching the area. If he were a grumpy smurf with a soft spot for the child, what would he do?

Hide. The answer came. He'd hide and perhaps move his den carefully over the course of days. He'd still have to attend to the child's needs though. Food, water, shelter. So that left caves, hollowed trunks, good overhangs. They'd have to be near food sources like the smurfberry patch or sarsaparilla field. Likely not close enough to steal milk from the goat Herder-ah-Rancher kept. He also wouldn't have enough time to venture out to one of the nearby farms.

So that left smurfberries or sarsaparilla. Stalker hadn't seen the child being fed the leaves yet, so the berry field was the best bet.

The woodsmurf turned and started heading in that direction, careful to keep a watch out for any white clad smurfs. Once he deemed himself close enough to the berry patch he started searching for good shelters.

He found a decent hollow high in a tree. It was occupied though. The large owl blinked at him and clicked it's beak.

"Easy. Easy." The smurf spoke in a soothing tone. "You might just be what I've been smurfing for." This could work. Most wild animals didn't mind a temporary visit from smurfs. They tolerated their presence so long as the visiting smurf didn't attack the animals or the creature in question wasn't a hungry predator.

But if a fight started between two smurfs inside of an owl den... all chaos would ensue. The large bird could easily kill all three of them.

"Here, smurf at this." The bloodhound smurf carefully scooted the basket over towards the owl and backed away. It tilted it's head, looking closely at the little container with one eye that focused and refocused on the item.

Then it did what Stalker was hoping for, picking up the basket with one wickedly clawed foot and exploring the item with it's beak. It wasn't gentle at all, finding the opening of the basket and tearing off the lid, then chewing at the blanket inside.

It was a gamble. The smurf needed the basket mangled a bit, but not destroyed completely. Carefully he approached the bird. It dropped the basket and hissed at him, waving it's neck in a serpentine motion. He slowed his approach, speaking softly in soothing tones.

"Easy. All I want is to smurf the basket. Easy bird. Smurfy bird." He was within arms reach of the item and he lowered himself lowly to be able to pick it up. "There's a good bird. See? Only smurfing the basket, then I'll smurf out of your feathers."

He grasped the basket, pulling it closer to him. The owl watched him, both were tense. Slowly the smurf backed away with the basket, only relaxing once he was well out of reach of that sharp beak.

"Thanks, my feathered friend, ta-ta." He backed out of the hollow completely and made his way back down the tree. He sat at the base, looking at the broken basket. Well, he had his story, but could he really say he got away from an angry owl unscathed?

Bugger it all. He knew he couldn't. But what would be convincing...

He headed back towards his village. Better to rough himself up closer than farther away. The woodsmurf stopped when he knew he was close and pulled his tool knife from where he had it tucked inside the band of his hat.

He selected a bent stick and cut the wood into a fair approximation of a talon. He took a few deep breaths before he jerked the fake claw across his lower leg. The smurf fought off the cry that accompanied the pain, growling instead. On the same side, he positioned the stick again, this time just below his ribs.

The pain that blossomed from that wound did have him cry out. With shaking hands, he dropped the stick and inspected the gashes. They were large and deep, but not dangerous. He picked up the mangled basket and pulled out the ripped blanket, using his knife to cut the cloth into strips to dress the cuts.

At least from what he heard at lunch, Surgery could patch him up easily. Satisfied with the bandaging, Stalker stood up. It hurt to walk on his injured leg, so he limped, leaning heavily on his walking stick. From the sun, it was likely dinner time. At least he'd get to eat.

It took longer than he'd like to make it to the south gate, the way things were going they'd probably be manned by guards soon. The smurf paused for a moment, should he head towards the Mess Hall or Chief's house? After a moment he started to the largest congregation of smurfs. If their leader wasn't there they could always send for him. Or for the doctors.

As he neared the log building, a sense of relief washed over him, causing him to wobble and almost fall. Azrael was sitting on a bench under the overhang, obviously waiting on him. He'd been worried since waking up that morning that perhaps being what they were the female wouldn't care for him any longer. For a few moments he could scarcely feel the wounds over his own elation. She still felt something. As he neared he watched her jump up, the plate clattering to the ground and food forgotten.

"What happened to you?!" The redhead exclaimed as she ran up and pulled the woodsmurf's arm up to help him onward.

The injured smurf hissed as the muscle movement aggravated the gash on his side. "An owl. I was smurfed by Chief to smurf back Wrath and the baby... but the fool was smurfed up in an owl den and smurfed a fight. The owl did what owls do. They're both smurfed." He had a few more details to add to that, but the short version was good enough for anysmurf other than their leader. He'd tell his mate the truth after Nightshade and Brawny made good on their deal.

The pair made it through the double doors, Azzy calling out. "Hey, Surgery! Get over here!" The other clones looked on in surprise, the noise level dying out to a quiet susurration.

The brown haired smurfette hurried over, plucking an empty chair up and placing it down. "Sit down before ya drop." She ordered. He felt a wash of magic fall over him as the female whispered to herself and crouched to look first at his side and then his leg. She muttered under her breath.

Stalker dropped the mangled basket as the medic gingerly undid the bandages. He felt the tingle of magic wash over him for the second time, then again as her hand glowed while his flesh knitted itself back together.

"Yer dang lucky." Surgery said as she inspected his side. "A little further in and ya'd have run the risk of all kinds of issues."

As the brown haired smurfette tended to his leg, the woodsmurf noticed Chief approaching. He bowed his head to the leader.

The black clad smurf stopped a few paces away. "Once you're healed, I expect you to make your report." The elder raised his hand when the bloodhound smurf opened his mouth. "No. Not here, in private."

"Understood, Chief." Stalker answered as he felt the healing magic on him again.

"There ya go. All patched up." The healer finished pulling off the bandages, showing off unblemished skin. She stood, smiling at the woodsmurf and then at the bearded smurf. She walked casually back to her seat as if nothing more than a conversation had happened.

"Ready to smurf that report then, Chief." The hunter stood, running his hand down Azrael's arm and giving her a reassuring squeeze before turning completely. He bent and scooped up the basket.

"Good, follow me." The dark clad smurf headed out the door and led the way back towards his house. The pair walked in silence until they had entered the house. The older smurf raised an expectant eyebrow.

Right. All business then. "I smurfed Wrath's trail from our village down to the smurfberry patch and then to a large tree with a hollow high on the trunk. I smurfed up the tree and spotted Wrath smurfing care of the baby. I tried to smurf to him, get him to smurf back here peacefully but the git would have none of it."

He took a breath and held up the basket. "There was an owl smurfing in the hollow as well. When Wrath smurfed me, it smurfed the three of us. I was lucky enough to be the last smurf in it's path. I smurfed into a smaller crevice in the tree and waited until the bird smurfed down. Once it did I tried to smurf this basket, but the owl was having none of that. It smurfed at me with it's claws and I managed to smurf out of there. I had to smurf up the wounds with what was left of the blanket."

Chief scratched at his chin. "So the both of them were eaten by the bird?"

Nightshade had stressed this part to him, so Stalker knew what to say. "I don't smurf much about magic, but I saw the owl smurf Wrath. He sort of dissolved into small smurfs of light. I'm smurfing that means when we smurf we'll smurf back into the magic we were smurfed from?"

"Yes, that's exactly what it means." There was no need to inform this one that ending the spell could do it as well. There was only one way the spell could be ended anyway. The elder started to pace as he thought.

"You're free to tell the others that both the child and Wrath were killed by the owl. But nothing about returning back to magic. Just tell them the owl ate them or something. Go eat something." The black clad smurf dismissed, watching the smurf leave. At least he won't have to worry about a deserter. Tomorrow he'd post guards at the gates, perhaps a perimeter patrol as well.

The smurf stretched and headed upstairs towards his bed. Staying up all night the previous night was taking a toll on him and the only remedy was to rest.

**00000**

Fix was rather happy with how the wall turned out. Sure, in some places a decent storm would wreck it, but it was done before dinner all in one day. Not bad.

He strolled to the mess hall. Now that he was done with the wall nonsense, he could start working on other projects. He had ideas for clockwork armies, huge siege engines, perhaps something heavily armored with a ship's cannon mounted on the top...

He had to talk to Forge, the inventor looked around for the other smurf as he entered the dining hall. He spotted the apron wearing smurf sitting beside Physician. It wasn't surprising to see Surgery beside the doctor, though instead of the usual crowd there was Comic, Clever, Bumbles, Maddy, and Brutus.

It was different, but at least he'd get both Maddy and Forge's input. Fix sat down at the end of the table next to the metalworker. The russian smurf nodded his head in greeting.

The overall wearing smurf started ladeling himself some stew. "So I've been smurfing about some weapons." He started.

The blacksmith grunted. "Am far ahead of you. Today after lunch I smurfed four spears and repaired some axes. They only smurf to be sharpened. We will be armed and unsmurfable in perhaps two weeks."

"That's good." The inventor praised. "But I was smurfing about something bigger." He started excitedly, forgetting about his food.

"What, like guns?" Maddy asked, intrigued. Beside her the redheaded clone pantomimed pumping a shotgun and started taking aim at random smurfs. The former naughtie had to elbow her brother in the side to get him to stop.

"Guns?" Fix countered, his train of thought derailed.

"It's like a long metal tube that you can hold in your hand. It uses explosive powder to fire bullets." Maddy wished she had something to draw with. She was far better at visualization than description.

"Hand cannons." Surgery supplied, gently shaking Physician to keep him awake.

"They're a bit more complicated than that." The black haired female protested.

"That's the jist of 'em though." The healer shrugged. It wasn't like she knew exactly how they worked.

"Hand cannons." Fix echoed, pulling a small pad of paper from his chest pocket and the pencil from behind his ear. Those he passed over to the former naughtie and she started drawing.

"So what were ya thinkin about?" Surgery asked, leaning forward so she could see the smurf she was talking to.

"Aside from the usual catapults, maybe a large smurfmobile with armor and a cannon on top." The inventor gestured with his hands as he spoke.

"A tank?" "Ooo, a tank!" Both Maddy and the brown haired healer chimed in at once.

"Tanks!" Brutus threw his hands up. "Boom! Take out the Nazi scum!" He flipped an empty bowl over and placed a spoon on top before running the pretend tank around and then over his plate. The smurf made a decent approximation of the tank noises.

"Too many war movies." The former naughtie explained, looking at her brother in exasperation. She handed the notepad and pencil back.

"What's a movie?" Comic asked, pushing her bowl away and leaning back in her chair.

"It's like a painting that moves and makes sounds. It tells a story." The dark haired smurfette thought that was a pretty good analogy.

Physician yawned before he spoke. "What kind of stories?"

"Anything you can think of really. Real stories, made up stories, funny ones, sad ones, romantic ones, science fiction, fantasy..." Maddy counted off on her fingers as she listed possibilities out.

"Cartoons!" The large smurf chimed in. "Like Adventure Time!"

"That sounds like it'd be smurfy to see. I remember smurfin some shows on the Teevee." Bumbles added. Both his and Clever's counterparts had been to the other world, where they'd been culture shocked by some of the things there. The klutzy smurf glanced at his bespectacled friend, who looked like his mind was elsewhere.

"Then there's the internet." The brunette started. She glanced at her brother. At least no one here knew the term 'Harlem Shake'. "It's kind of like a book that you can ask questions and it'll give you lots of different answers."

Clever snapped to attention. "Anything?"

"Well, if humans don't know it or haven't made it up, it won't be on there." Maddy explained.

"Oh." The bespectacled smurf didn't think much of human knowledge. It was likely they made most of it up.

"Hey, Surgery! Get over here!" The smurfs at the table turned to look, seeing Azrael helping Stalker into the dining hall. The smurf had a red stained bandage around his middle that they could see from their seats.

"Don't worry, hun, I got this." The healer patted Physician's shoulder and headed at a quick walk over to the two standing smurfs.

"What smurfened to him?" Fix wondered aloud.

"Sometink unpleasant for smurf." Forge watched as the murmuring from the seated smurfs rose a bit.

"Ugh, does she have to smurf him up right here?" Clever grumbled. That was highly inappropriate.

"It's magic." Physician explained sleepily. "It'll smurf over quick." The smurfs watched and within a few moments, Stalker's torso was completely healed.

"That's amazing." Fix said quietly.

Forge rubbed his chin in thought. "If we could all smurf that, we could battle with little fear."

Clever leaned forward. "I'm not sure all smurfs could smurf that." He was certain **he **could, but with most smurfs here being constructs, it would be lethal for them.

"I would be smurfing to try." The blacksmith countered smugly.

"That is a good idea." Maddy agreed. The brown haired female had finished and was heading back toward the table.

"We should smurf her." Physician couldn't help another yawn. Surgery sat down at the table.

"Hey Physician, why are you smurfing so tired?" Comic asked. The male in question turned red and didn't answer.

"Let's just say it was a **hard** day at the office." The female healer answered, grinning.

"But after Planter there wasn't any-" Bumbles started.

"You didn't!" Maddy leaned forward, looking at the other brunette across from her. The medic's smile widened. "You did!"

Comic started laughing. Brutus and Bumbles looked confused. Both Fix and Clever blushed.

Forge looked annoyed. "And what did they smurf?" He didn't like guessing, he liked being blunt and others being blunt with him in return.

Comic managed to calm her laughter down to giggles. "While the rest of us were smurfing these two were **smurfing**." Physician hid his head in his arms, though his ears looked purple. Bumbles blushed and looked away. Brutus clapped his hands over his ears.

"Hey, we healed Nightshade when she came in." Surgery pointed out. "And if anybody else had come in they'd get patched up too."

The prankster snorted with laughter. "So you'd smurf 'em up while naked? That'd be hilarious!" The doctor made a noise between a whimper and a groan and fervently wished he was able to become invisible.

"Nah, it don't take much time ta throw on some clothes." The former dryad looked thoughtful. "Unless it was a life or death thing an' then who cares so long as they're saved." The redhead dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"So why aren't you as smurfed out as Physician?" Clever asked, his mind conjuring images of what he'd read about succubi.

The brown haired female chuckled. "Sweetie, I was a nymph for a decade. Ya build up some stamina when ya do the same thing pretty much every day." It was on the tip of her tongue to boast.

"This is true." Forge agreed seriously. Of course, he'd never thought that a smurf could build up stamina doing that of all things.

Surgery rubbed Physician's back. "It's kinda funny, usually guys like talkin about their sexual conquests. He's so adorable right now, bein all embarrassed. Makes me wanna drag 'im off again."

The doctor raised his head up, still blushing. "I-it's not that I'm not willing but I need rest or I'm going to smurf." Brutus attempted to eat his soup while still having his hands over his ears.

The healer laughed. "I feel like a fox in the hen house. A village full of virgins." She smiled in a predatory fashion. "I could just eat ya'll up."

"Not everysmurf's a virgin." Comic giggled. "I'm not." Most of the long time village residents looked at the prankster in surprise.

"Sure Comic, who would smurf you?" Clever scoffed.

The redhead shot him an annoyed look. "Alchemist."

"What?" Forge barked. "Is joke, da?" Brutus started to pull his hands from his ears and Maddy clapped them back, looking intrigued.

Bumbles pushed his food away and stood up. "Uh, gotta go get some smurf. G'night!" He headed out the door.

"Could we smurf about something else?" Fix pleaded uncomfortably.

Without missing a beat the bomber shook her head. "Nope. Alchy wanted to smurf it quiet. In the other village they're probably getting ready to smurf off to bed." The female stared at her abandoned bowl of stew. A crazy thought came to her head to sneak away and see what those two were doing. It wasn't fair! The prankster wanted to toss the bowl at the wall. Instead she laughed.

"Convenient that Alchemist isn't here to smurf that story." The bespectacled smurf rolled his eyes.

Suddenly Comic lunged from her corner of the table across to the know-it-all's corner. She stopped when she was nose to nose with the smurf, uncaring that her pants were getting soaked with stew. Smurfs in the mess hall stopped talking and stared.

"I wouldn't joke about that." She snarled.

Clever moved back slowly, whatever it was in the smurfette's eyes, it set off a primal need in him to get away or placate her. "I undersmurf completely. Sorry!"

The joker stared at him a moment more before standing up and walking back to her seat. At least on the trip back she didn't upset any more dishes. Slowly the conversation around them went back to normal levels.

"You ok, hun?" Surgery asked, looking concerned.

"I'm fine." The redhead said, clearly lying. She seemed to realize she was partially covered in stew and stood up. "Gotta go smurf up."

"That was definitely not 'fine'." Maddy pointed out, finally allowing her brother to hear again.

"I smurf I wouldn't be fine if my smurffriend got smurfed." The handysmurf shook his head. That brought up a good question. What about Marina? Technically, he could head off and be with her. Tough luck for the real Handy. All he would need were supplies.

"Comic said our Hunter and Alchemist smurfed each other. She was there in the house when we smurfed up." Clever tried futilely to mop up his area. "That means she saw him smurfed too."

The table lapsed into silence.

"I must smurf to sleep. Spokoynoy nochi, my friends." Forge rose from the table and headed off. Soon after the other smurfs at the table bid their companions a good evening and left.

"I wouldn't mind if ya headed back to my place." Surgery teased.

Physician blushed again. "I'm smurfing I wouldn't get any sleep. ...But tomorrow?"

"See ya then, honey." The healer kissed her lover. For a moment she was sure he would change his mind, but the male headed off to his own house. Well, she'd just have to sleep by herself.

**00000**

Gumbo had carefully prepared the mushroom into a slurry, then strained the larger bits out. What was left was a flask of very, very dangerous liquid. He was sure that Cook would be back at his house first, so he headed there.

Like Gluttony had predicted, there was a pitcher of water next to the bed. Quickly, he poured half the flask into the pitcher and headed out, making sure he wasn't seen. It seemed surreal that the deed was over within a few minutes. He slunk through the shadows towards Brawny's house, checking to make sure the smurf hadn't come home while he was preoccupied.

The house was empty, and again the cajun smurf was in and out within minutes. He'd have to get up early to get rid of the bodies, he was sure. So the frycook headed home to clean up the utensils he'd used creating his poison.

He passed by Cook's house, but didn't dare look at the mushroom building. His mind wondered just what was transpiring.

Cook had gotten home just moments before he would have passed Gumbo on the path. The chef was tired and like many days, he'd turn in early because he had to get up before dawn to start working on over a hundred meals for breakfast. He was grateful that Bak... Pastry was always there to help. Both the cajun and plump smurfs didn't seem to have as much dedication as he did, occasionally showing up late to help with the first meal of the day.

He picked up the pitcher beside his bed. The water was likely tepid and he had no interest in drinking it, but it'd be fine to wash up with. The smurf poured the water into the basin and dipped a cloth into it. With that he scrubbed his face and hands before patting himself down.

Maybe he'd wake up a half hour early to go get a real bath, the smurf considered. He set his clock and pulled the covers down, then changed into a nightgown and nightcap. It felt good to lie down.

It felt like the greatest thing in the world to lie down. As the smurf lay there, he began to feel the sensation of spinning. While that occasionally happened to him, what was new as that the room was spinning along with it!

The chef was confused. He blinked and was suddenly at the small kitchenette in his house. A pair of spoons stood, the dish part of the cutlery moving as if feet and the pair walked across the counter. Wouldn't they click or make some noise if they were walking?

Confusion seemed to be the order of the night, as when the smurf turned around he was sitting on the rafters of the mess hall. The only way he knew it was the mess hall was that a few chairs could be seen poking out of the sea of smurfberries that covered the lower half of the large room.

The berries began to explode, making a popping sound like popcorn. The smurf looked on in surprise as the 'popped' smurfberries turned into baby smurflings. They wriggled, squirmed, and crawled over each other, though the sound they made reminded him of splashing water.

He fell, jerking awake back in his bed. A moment of relief washed over him. Surely all of that strangeness was a dream!

Then he smelled burning meat, heard the crackling of a fire. The smurf levered himself up on his elbows and saw that his legs were being charred inside of a fire. He didn't feel pain, only an itching-tingling sensation.

The smurf screamed, sure he was gravely injured. He felt himself get up this time, heard the thump as he fell and banged his knees. Cook staggered to his feet and fled out of his house, being greeted by the starry sky and darkened houses.

He looked down at his feet, they were normal bare smurf feet. What was going on? The terrified smurf decided to head to Pastry's. He'd help. Surely he'd help.

"Raaaooow!" The chef jerked his head around, trying to find the source of the feline battle cry. He heard hissing that was so close he felt like it was inside of his head.

He began to float upwards, the sounds stopping. He looked down, seeing a nighttime view of the village as if by stork-back. But he kept going higher still. Could he touch the stars? He reached out, reached up. He felt something warm and soft, but couldn't see what he was touching.

He flew. Suddenly beside him there was a female smurf he'd never seen before. The female had long black hair with one lock of bone white. She looked at him with pale, sightless eyes. Instead of being frightened the smurf felt comfort.

"Magic made smurf, driven insane; what brings you to the astral plain?" The smurfette spoke in rhyme, her voice lyrical and soft. She seemed at ease gliding alongside the chef.

"I... I don't know?" The truth was he wasn't sure what was going on. Was it a dream? Something more?

The dark haired female flew in a loop around him, studying him. "I smurf I see, your visions are unnatural, caused by a toxic stew. At least the brew you smurfed won't smurf you!"

This smurfette had to be just like the other things he saw. Some horribly strange dream. Still, she was pleasant. "Who are voi?" He asked finally.

"I am no one any longer, though I once was smurfed Seer. My spirit is now smurfed here in the aether." The female gestured with her hands to the starscape around them.

Did that mean she was dead? "You are a ghost then, no?"

"Close enough, that is true." The female tilted her head. "Though I wonder now, who are you?"

"I am smurfed Cook. I smurf most of food with Pastry for the village." Were they going anywhere in particular? The mysterious Seer seemed to have taken over their flight's direction.

The brunette smiled and pointed. Under them, the chef could see his village. "This is your village, there's no doubt. Your thread was easy to seek out." She reached out and touched something near his chest and he could feel something thrum like she'd plucked a string on his soul.

"What did you smurf?" He asked shakily.

"It's the thread of your fate, smurfing you to the land of the living. I can smurf these threads and make them do my bidding." The oracle touched the male's shoulder. "Do not fear, my smurfs are true blue. After all, I've smurfed all this night protecting you."

They were closer to the ground now, somehow. Cook looked down to see himself lying sprawled out in the middle of the path. He could feel the connection between himself and his body.

"Now I'm sorry, but you must go. Don't smurf afraid, this smurfens fast, not slow." She seemed to push him.

Then he was falling. Falling. Falling.

The italian smurf jerked awake. His dry mouth tasted of vomit and his head pounded as if Forge was beating his way out from the inside. He struggled to recall what he could of the night previous, only remembering snippets. A fire. A strange smurfette. Flying through the stars. The more he tried to remember the harder it was to bring the strange happenings back in his mind.

Cook realized he was lying in the middle of the path not far from his house. What time was it? Shakily he picked himself up off the ground and headed back to his home. He lit a candle to check his clock. As if to mock him it read about a half hour before it was to go off.

At least he'd get a bath now. He really needed it. The smurf grabbed some clothes and headed by the well. It'd have to be a cold wash before he settled into the hot part. After all, there was no running water. The first bucket he drank, then took another with him to the bath house.


	19. First Days Side Story: Dark Desires

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Lac Lausanne: I think I missed responding to your review the last time. o.o I'm sorry! As for a war, I can't reveal too much, but this -is- my variation of the the Grey Smurfs comic. :3 And yes, Cook was a lucky smurf! XD I had fun writing that shroom trip out.**

**Angelthebrat: I know I answered this via PM, but I'll post it up here in case folks are confused. I took liberties with the timeline of Sassette's creation, but eventually Natural, Slouchy, and Snappy will be de-aged into smurflings. Also, I don't write romances between minors (because ya'll can see where my romance plots go, X.X), but I have tried to stick to 'canon' pairings in addition to my insane OC stuff and crackships. So eventually... probably not even in this story iteself, there will be Sassette/Snappy. But not until they're adults.**

*****Warning! This oneshot contains explicit M/F sex, some non-con and fem-dom. This is not an accurate portrayal of a healthy sexual encounter. You have been warned.*****

First Days Side Story: Dark Desires

Gluttony crept up the stairs. Every smurf in the village was asleep but him, he was sure. Soon a certain female would be in an even deeper sleep though. The door was latched, but that wasn't a problem. The plump smurf had broken into the storehouse on too many late night snack runs to be deterred by a simple hook and loop latch. He eased a thin knife between the door and the frame before he slid it carefully up.

The smurf smiled when he felt the resistance and give that meant the latch had come undone. Quietly, he crept into the room. He pulled out slices of the mushroom, setting them down on the table before he tied a thick piece of cloth over his face.

He turned the knob to the bedroom slowly, creeping into the room and looking at his target. The brown haired female was sleeping soundly, her bare shoulders peeking out from under the covers.

Gluttony put the slices of mushroom in a small open oil lamp, only putting a little bit of oil into the basin. He wanted the mushrooms to burn and fill the room with their potent smoke.

And... what then? He didn't want to kill her. Or he could have just plucked a second wavy cap and used that.

He'd had a vague plan of humiliating her somehow, but it seemed stupid now. He wanted her to know it was him. He wanted...

He wanted...

He looked at the sleeping form again. She rolled over with her back to him, the cover coming up and showing her bare back and bottom. She was sleeping nude.

He wanted her.

The smurf moved into action then, lighting the small slices of mushroom all at once. A cloying purple smoke rose into the air. As quickly as he dared, he made sure the window was shut and left the room. He waited, digging through the small pack to pull out a rope.

After an hour he opened the window in the main room and then the door to the bedroom, heading first to the window in there. He tied each of the smurfette's limbs to a separate bed post, finishing by gagging the female. No words, no hand gestures, no magic.

He ran his hands over her body, enjoying the soft feel. She should be awake, he decided as he pulled off his pants. Would she be terrified? Angry? Would she like it? He dug around for the smelling salts.

Surgery coughed and gagged as she came to, the potent aroma of ammonia forcing her back to consciousness. She blinked, taking in her situation. Her arms and legs were spread out and Gluttony was kneeling between her legs, tossing a small bottle into a bag. She was gagged and a test of her limbs told her she was tied -pretty tightly too, if the tingling in her left foot were any indication. She cast her panacea spell in case there were any lingering effects from whatever she'd been drugged with.

"Mmmph!" It was both an accusation and a question, garbled by the cloth in her mouth.

The plump smurf smiled triumphantly. "I told you not to smurf with me." He ran his hands down her thighs. Only then did the female notice he was as naked as she. "But I've smurfed of a way you can smurf up for it." One hand trailed upward, coming to rest on her center.

"Don't worry, I'll make us both feel nice and smurfy." He started to explore her as he spoke.

The healer was tempted to let him continue his fumbling attempt. The bondage, while amateurish, was arousing to the former dryad clone. But this was likely a power play, and he'd challenged her.

She cast her sleep spell, huffing out a breath as the smurf toppled onto her. She really should have thought about trajectory. A few test pulls and she figured her right hand was the most loosely tied. She numbed the appendage and pulled, listening to the crack as her thumb dislocated. A healing later she was untying her left hand and then moving the smurf off of her.

Untying herself and then tying him up took some time, but finally she was satisfied. She was sure her knots were snug, but not circulation cutting and much more comfortable, thank you very much. She'd tied him in much the same fashion, lamenting that she didn't have enough rope for a nice tortoiseshell look. An image of Physician tied up that way entered her mind and she indulged herself with imagining the full package.

She left him ungagged. It was a good effort, thinking she couldn't cast without talking. Plus cloth wasn't as good as a nice bit or ball gag. She straddled him, sitting on his thighs.

"Wakey, wakey, Dumplin." Surgery cooed as she undid the spell. He blinked awake and glared at her.

"How?" He ground out.

She grinned, trailing a finger down his stomach. "It was a good idea to gag a spellcaster, unfortunately I found a workaround for that out of necessity years ago."

He looked sullen. "So what are you going to smurf?" Would she just leave him tied up here then?

"Why, I'm gonna give ya what ya want." She ran a gentle hand along his limp smurf, enjoying his gasp. "'Cept a' course, it's gonna be on my terms." She started slowly stroking him.

"T-then why smurf me up?" Gluttony managed to ask as she coaxed him hard again. She stopped then and he bit back a needy moan.

Surgery didn't take her hand off of his smurf as she raised up to get face to face with him. "Because ya've been a bad 'lil boy. Sneakin into a lady's room and tyin her up without askin." She smiled again. "We're gonna see if ya can make up fer that."

She started pumping him then with her hand and he moaned, the retort leaving him.

"Let's see how long ya last, hun." She sat back down on his thighs, focusing on her task.

Pleasure coursed through him with every movement, building towards some nebulous thing. He could barely think.

"You look like yer gettin close hun, should I slow down?" The healer drawled.

"No, faster!" The smurf protested. He felt her slow down a bit and whimpered.

"What's the polite way ta ask?" She queried, staring at him with through half-lidded eyes.

"Faster, please." He begged. He moaned loudly when she obliged him. Suddenly he felt warmth and wet around his smurf and the sensations pushed him into an orgasm. He cried out raggedly along with his release.

The smurfette hummed her approval. "Well now," She gave the tip of his smurf one last lick. "Are ya the drift right off to sleep type or can ya handle more..." It wasn't a question, or if it was, the female was talking to herself.

"Untie me." He saw the look she gave him. "Please?"

"I'll tell ya what." She crawled over him until she sat on his chest. He could feel the dampness between her legs. "If ya don't use yer teeth, and yer a very good boy, I'll let ya loose."

She scooted forward until he could easily reach her center with his mouth. "If ya bite me I'll truss ya up like a turkey and leave ya in the mess hall." She warned.

He was supposed to use his mouth? She didn't smell bad, at least. The plump smurf closed his eyes and licked experimentally. Hm, not a bad taste either.

"A lil more oomph than tha-aah!" Surgery's instructions cut off with a moan as he started exploring her with his mouth.

He started alternating with his licks and sucked at different points. The little nub got the most reaction out of her. but too much, it seemed, and she started to squirm away. He tried running his tongue inside of her and listened to the moan in response. Smugly the smurf thought that he was getting the hang of this.

The medic seemed to agree. "Oh lord where'd ya learn ta do that?" She panted, leaning against the headboard. That only made him redouble his efforts. The female lost coherence as she neared her peak, showing her pleasure by a litany of 'Ah!' exclamations.

Suddenly the smurfette moaned loudly, her body trembling in ecstasy. Gluttony didn't stop, only having half an idea about what was going on.

The female pulled away. "Woah there, Hun." She sounded like she was out of breath. "I think ya've made up fer yer little break in."

She straddled him, aligned teasingly so that all he had to do was thrust upwards. She leaned over, pulling one dangling end of a rope to free one arm and then repeating the process with his other arm. He flexed his hands, rotating his wrists to ease the stiffness.

The plump smurf had little time to think about anything, he felt the heat as she sank down onto his smurf.

"How 'bout we have a lil fun now?" She asked, rocking her hips and sending a wave of pleasure up the smurf's spine.

Gluttony moaned before he was able to answer. "You've got a strange idea about punishment." He gripped her hips and helped her.

"Ever hear tha expression, 'make love not war'?" Surgery slowly sped up. Her lover didn't answer, his expression one of ecstasy as he pulled her forward and pushed her back. She rode him, feeling her pleasure build.

He wanted more. He released her suddenly and the female had a moment of confusion before he slid his hands under her thighs and picked her up. The smurf thrust upwards at a rapid pace.

The change in angle and pace caused her to cry out as she orgasmed. The smurf gripped her tighter, he didn't want her to get off of him like she had before. Instead she started to kiss him, her tongue invading his mouth. He relaxed his grip when she moaned into his mouth.

His arms shook with exertion and finally he had to let her take control again. The position was slightly different, Surgery had her knees up instead of braced on the bed by his sides. She rocked almost as fast as he'd been thrusting, gripping the smurf's shoulders and using both her arms and legs to add to the motion.

"Ah, smurf!" Gluttony exclaimed. He was close, if she could just keep up the pace.

"Com'on an fill me up!" Even if she hadn't heard the responding moan, she felt the twitching and heat that sent her over the edge soon after the male under her. She moved her knees down to his sides, rocking slowly to try and prolong her pleasure.

"I smurf I'm out." The clone panted, pulling her down for a kiss. She responded languidly, enjoying the afterglow.

"How about I untie ya an we get some shut eye?" The healer murmured sleepily.

"Sure." As tired as he was, he wasn't about to argue. The ropes were tossed carelessly to the floor and the covers pulled up over them both.

"Next time, ya should ask. I like bein tied up." Surgery was using his arm as a pillow, cuddled up to his side.

"You have got to be the strangest smurfette." Gluttony yawned. The female beside him didn't respond, already asleep or acting like it. The night hadn't turned out the way he'd planned, but he'd say it was a win-win situation. Slowly the plump smurf drifted off to sleep.


	20. Ch 14: The Calm

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Sorry I've been taking so long. I've had to work through a writer's block with this one, mostly getting two of the scenes down just the way I like 'em. I'm also getting fatigued a lot more as I get closer to my due date it seems. X.x **

**I'm hoping to have the next installment out by the 25th of this month, barring anymore writer's block. XD Tried to do a lot of fluffiness with this one, because I needed some fluff after the last chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 14: The Calm

Papa looked around the cave.

Whatever spell that Gargamel had used set off a chain reaction within the magic of the clay itself. The resulting explosion had sounded like cannon fire or a loud peal of thunder. He ran his hand along the stone of the floor. There didn't seem to be any trace of the blue clay left.

He was very glad he'd been able to cure Sassette in time.

Only Brainy knew of the near-disaster, he'd been in the lab at the time when the small bit of clay had exploded. Then there was the rush to come up with a cure to ensure that the little redheaded smurfling wouldn't suffer the same fate.

"Wouldn't the True Blue spell have smurfed that effect away?" Brainy had asked.

The short answer was no. It was part of what made up Sassette when she was created. He could no more pull that magically from her than he could an individual ingredient that was used in her creation. He'd had to remove a loyalty spell from Smurfette before he'd used the spell on her, lest the spell become a permanent part of her being as a smurf. He was thankful that he'd seen no such signs of the same loyalty spell in Vexy or Hackus, though why Gargamel hadn't included it he wasn't sure.

He didn't tell his lab assistant about the spell on Smurfette. He viewed that as a private matter.

The elder smurf made his way to the back of the cave. Most of the cave structure was undisturbed, only missing the floor where the clay once was. It was already filling in slowly with water, covering the damage there.

The bearded smurf was looking for any traces of the blue clay left. Surely that spell wouldn't have affected all of it.

But it was the same all the way back. Gargamel had outdone himself with that quick spell and likely hadn't realized it.

The trigger of the noonday sun caused the magic within the clay to expel violently and trigger other nearby concentrations magic to do so as well. It was a simple domino effect.

If he hadn't been cleaning that cauldron at just the right time... He'd felt the sting of his own magic as the small bit had exploded. A large amount could have set off a chain reaction in a smurf. Papa shuddered. A vision of exploding smurfs conjured in his head and he had to rub his arms to get rid of the phantom feeling of quake in his magic. If it had been another smurf, one not versed in controlling their own magic, they may have had burns at the very least on their arms. From the lack of any clay, it seemed the domino effect had eliminated the entire cave.

Yes indeed. They had been lucky.

Inspection done, the bearded smurf headed back out of the cave. At least now he knew what had become of this cave.

And what sort of calamity they'd avoided.

**00000**

Suspicious paced the floor of his basement. This was not good.

This was **not** good at all.

An entire new village full of strange smurfs. Their first action? To attack and capture two of his brethren.

He stopped by his desk. It took up a large part of one wall of the basement. A framed cork board which held up papers tacked on by thorns. He studied a large mop of the area. From what he'd heard while out at the the farewell gathering for Johan's group that village was northeast of his village.

The paranoid smurf squinted. That may put it directly north of Gargamel's.

Coincidence? Oh no. It couldn't be.

There was a connection then. It all lead back to one human. But how did that thrice blasted mage get so clever?

The smurf pulled out a paper from a nearby stack and dipped a quill into his ink. He had to organize his thoughts. Writing it all down usually gave him better insight into the big picture.

No matter what Papa said that morning, the two strange females were still on his list. They couldn't really be accounted for before they came along. It was Smurfette all over again. Sure, she eventually reformed, but he kept tabs on her on principle.

He didn't watch her because he liked her or anything. That was ridiculous.

Pulling himself from his thoughts, Suspicious started writing.

_-__Huntress__:_  
_ Arrived 1 day after the creation of Sassette, 2 days after Baby's arrival._  
_ Claims to have been created by a mage in Castellac._  
_ 1 day after her arrival the True Blue spell is acquired by Gargamel._  
_ Has no trouble killing things. According to rumor she enjoys watching headless birds in their death throes._  
_ Has attached herself to the wilderness crowd, especially Tracker. Also seen at Tailor's._

_Purpose? -Limiting outside resources._  
_ -Compromising search and rescue._  
_ -Assassin? (Who is she after?)_

_-__Medic__:_  
_ Arrived with Maple and Slither but was not an animal previously, 3 days after Sassette's creation, 4 days after Baby's arrival, 2 days after Huntress's arrival._  
_ Claims to be from another dimension, a former human, and a former Dryad. (According to Brainy via Smurfette)_  
_ Has knowledge of magic. Seems to be at least some healing magic (According to Smurfette and Slouchy)._  
_ Is teaching Dabbler magic (Source: Dabbler)_  
_ Has attached herself to Greedy and Dabbler._  
_ Knows of my presence (Stupid Mistake!)_

_Purpose? -Compromising food preparation. (Start rationing food stock)_  
_ -Compromising medical treatment._  
_ -Spells on those treated? (Borrow books on healing from Brainy!)_

Suspicious stopped and read over what he'd written. Coupled with the discovery of the other smurfs, his mind leapt to a conclusion.

Hastily he jotted it down.

_The two females have infiltrated the village in order to weaken it for the eventual attack of the other smurfs!_

This. Was. **BIG**.

He had to go to Papa about this, thank smurfness the elder had stayed!

Like most of his notes, Suspicious copied the list over to his book. The original he'd take to Papa. He had to get Papa to listen. Had to figure out a way to save himself and his family from this newest threat.

If only they'd listen.

The paranoid smurf meticulously set up his usual tells to ensure he'd be alerted to a breach in his security. The door to the basement ladder was carefully concealed under some false flooring, he'd even attached a small table to the flooring that had a vase with fake flowers attached to that.

With a final check, the smurf headed to Papa's house. He took a long, winding route to spot any smurfs tailing him. The conspiracy theorist slunk up to the door of the house and knocked.

"Who's smurfing?" That wasn't Papa. Brainy opened the door.

"Is Papa in?" Suspicious asked. He tried to look around the bespectacled smurf.

"No, but he should smurf back soon." The smurf opened the door. "You can smurf for him here." He knew if his crackpot brother deemed an issue important enough to actually leave his house, it was better to accommodate him. He walked back over to the potion he was working on.

The paranoid smurf headed slowly into the room, eyes darting around as if he expected to be attacked at any moment. Finally deeming the lab safe, he settled into a chair. "So what are you smurfing?"

Brainy looked up from the potion at the question. "Just a simple healing potion. With smurfs smurfing out in Farmer's fields, there have been some minor injuries." The intellect waved a hand at a small glass jar that was cooling on the table near the large cauldron. "If Dabbler would just have enough smurf to brew his own potions, it's not like these are difficult. At least not for me." He added pompously.

This was a good opportunity. With Doctor compromised, learning to brew his own healing potions would be immensely helpful. "If it's easy, could you smurf me how to do it?"

"Of course!" The bespectacled smurf began, taking on a lecturing stance. "Most of the potions and salves smurf with Smurfroot to make a magical base, then other ingredients are smurfed at various temperatures for different lengths of time smurfing on if you want a liquid or a salve."

"Wait, I need to smurf a paper and quill for notes." Instead of searching, Suspicious pulled the items from his hat. Always be prepared! It was a pity his hat only held so many items.

Brainy puffed out his chest, hands busy stirring the current potion. This is why he liked Suspicious, the smurf might be crazy, but he knew genius when he saw it. He started extolling his vast knowledge of healing potions, the sitting smurf jotting down notes diligently.

Papa heard Brainy's voice before he opened the door. From the familiar lecturing tone, he may have come just in time to keep his lab assistant from getting smacked in the head. Unless it was Clumsy. That smurf had the patience of the stones he collected.

To his surprise, he opened the door to find Brainy leading Suspicious in making a potion, lecturing all the while.

"It should be exactly 9 poppy seeds, any more smurfs the potion too strong. Less would smurf the potion weaker depending on how many you didn't add. Hello Papa." The know-it-all didn't miss a beat as he switched from lecture to greeting.

"Hello Brainy, Suspicious. Good to see you two smurfing along." While the elder was glad the paranoid smurf had gotten out of his house, he was worried that the smurf had worked himself up over something once again.

Currently the conspiracy theorist had a look of concentration on his face as he finished stirring the potion he was working on. He didn't speak until he deemed it done. "Papa, I have something important I've smurfed on. You need to smurf at this." From under his hat, he pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it over.

The bearded smurf read over the short list and the written conclusion at the end. Oh dear. He was working himself up again wasn't he?

"I smurf you're worried about the new smurfettes." Papa started. "And I am keeping an eye on Huntress, but I haven't smurfed anything that makes me smurf Medic isn't who she smurfs she is." It was good news that the dryad turned smurfette was teaching doctor how to do magic. Running herd on so many smurfs he barely had the time to teach Brainy, let alone others interested like Alchemist.

"Smurfing an eye on?" Suspicious's eyebrows raised. "So you smurf who she really is." He wanted to know, oh how he wanted to know. But what if he was captured?

"Well..." The elder hesitated, but the smurf held up a hand. Brainy angled himself around and started reading the paranoid smurf's notes.

"Don't smurf me if it's a need to smurf basis. I'm just relieved you're already smurfing her." He'd trust Papa, the elder was always ahead of both him and their enemies. He made the decision to watch Medic better. That one had to be up to something.

"Papa." The bespectacled smurf started. "Suspicious does smurf a point about those other smurfs. They've not smurfed very smurfy if you ask me." There was so much he'd noticed when they retrieved Camper and Traveler.

Suspicious resisted the urge to start working his brother for information. He may learn something by keeping his mouth shut.

"I know they smurf odd, Brainy. But even while odd smurfs wouldn't be smurfs if they acted unsmurfy all the time. I'm sure smurfing Camper and Traveler was just as misundersmurfing." The bearded smurf dismissed the concerns with more confidence than he felt. It was likely just the shock of discovering so many other smurfs, he told himself.

"But Papa, I just smurf that something's wrong." Brainy began, taking a deep breath that usually precluded one of his lengthy explanations. "I smurfed a few smurfs that looked really familiar, and then there was their Chief." He'd been thinking about the similarities since they'd gotten back, if it wasn't for that other leader's clothes and eyes, he could be as close of a twin as Spinner was to Tailor.

It was clear the know-it-all was distressed. "That Chief smurfed just like you. And not in the way that humans usually smurf that we all look alike. Did you also smurf that they all had red in their eyes too? That's not a very common color for smurfs to smurf." In fact, that he recalled, only Jokey had red flecks in one eye. Though Marco had pink. Much less common than the various shades of pure blue, brown and blue, or green and blue that many smurfs had.

"Now Brainy, outside of our village, we haven't smurfed any other smurfs aside from those Gargamel created. Perhaps there are differences in smurfs from different smurfs of the world. Resmurf that they did let Traveler and Camper go and we only had to talk." The similarities between himself and their Chief had disturbed him, but he wasn't about to judge on appearances. He wished his own father had returned, perhaps he knew of other smurfs.

"What if they aren't really smurfs?" Both Papa and Brainy looked at Suspicious. They looked like he was on to something. "They could be an army of transmurfed humans!" Annnnd he lost them.

The know-it-all rolled his eyes. "I highly doubt that humans would transmurf themselves into smurf if they were going to attack us. They would need to smurf up a transmurfation spell that wouldn't smurf off after a few days and smurf a village to keep up with the act. Even if they needed a smurf to find the village and smurf the rest to it they could just transmurf a single human to do that. Also why would they smurf back Traveler and Camper so easily?" He took another breath.

But the paranoid smurf interrupted. "For the smurfxact reason that's smurfing on now. To make us smurf their motives, to mislead! And are the Traveler and Camper they smurfed back really OUR brothers? If they could smurf a smurf that looked exactly like Papa, who's to say they couldn't smurf the same with those two?"

Papa stopped paying attention at that point, letting the two smurfs bicker at each other. Could they be some sort of trick? Was that what was bothering him about the other smurf's presence? It seemed far more likely to him that he was just shocked at the existence of other smurfs. When his father had left him apprenticing with Palidore and started that journey to find his mother, the older smurf had told him that they were the only smurfs in the world. He could have been wrong, though he sounded so sure of himself. Well, he could at least check up on Traveler and Camper to make sure they had been well treated... and to ensure that Suspicious's suspicions weren't true.

Finally he cleared his throat, both Suspicious and Brainy were still standing apart, and it looked to be the paranoid smurf's turn to rebut whatever his assistant had said. He got their attention again before he spoke. "I'll smurf to Traveler and Camper, if they are smurfy and themselves, we'll wait and see what the other smurfs smurf."

The conspiracy theorist relaxed some, unfolding his arms. "Thanks Papa." He glanced back at his younger brother. "You smurf some good points, but you need to smurf at the bigger picture."

Brainy scowled, how could this crackpot lecture him?! He opened his mouth but Papa's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"I'm sure things will turn out smurfy." The elder chuckled. It was amusing to see those two argue, since neither were the type to turn violent. At most the paranoid smurf would storm off in a huff. "Now! Where'd I smurf that mirror of mine..." He knew exactly where he put it of course, but sometimes he had to let his sons work out things for themselves.

The know-it-all took a breath. It really wasn't bad debating with Suspicious. He was one of the few smurfs that didn't hit him on the head or boot him. Finally he decided to change the subject. "Smurf of those other smurfs aside... Do you smurf any other questions about potions?"

The paranoid smurf had about three dozen pages to go over under his hat. What he really needed was time to absorb all the information thrown at him. "I might smurf some later, after I study what I have already. If you don't smurf."

"Not at all! Feel free to smurf by any time you have questions. I'm sure I can smurf anything you need! In fact if you have any other issues you can smurf to me for advice and assistance." The pompous smurf stopped when he realized the other smurf was chuckling silently.

"And there it smurfs. I'll smurf out of here for now." Suspicious chuckled, amused. It was always easy to really know if it was Brainy or not. Any tidbit of praise and he was extolling his own greatness. "You are smurfing better at smurfing your ego in check." The smurf quipped as he headed out the door.

"Um. Thanks." The urge to shout about how of **course** he was able to keep himself in check was strong. He couldn't help it and he knew it. His ego was part of who he was. "Um... thanks for not smurfing me on the head when things got heated."

"That's something I could never smurf." The paranoid smurf said with enough conviction that his younger brother looked surprised. Then again, even Papa didn't know of the pledge he'd made to himself. To watch, to monitor, to keep his family safe. He wasn't about to do something as trivial as smack his brother for being who he was. Sure, it got annoying, but so did Sloppy when he forgot to bathe. Or Harmony's off key playing. He was sure he'd thoroughly annoyed Gutsy with his antics. He'd have to be extra quiet tonight to make up for that.

But for now... to the infirmary!

**00000**

"So, where are we goin?" After lunch, Greedy had picked up a backpack leaning on the wall near the door before the farewell meeting that had gotten derailed. "And should I go pack somethin?" Medic had asked.

"Nope, I've smurfed everything we'll need right here." It wasn't a large pack, but it wasn't a long trip. They headed north, this time over picnic hill completely. It wasn't long until they were following the River Smurf on its winding path northward. He was sure that if they ran into the other smurfs, they'd be a bit more friendly than they had to Traveler and Camper. Papa had said it was a misunderstanding after all.

Apparently Medic's mind was on the other smurfs as well. "So before those other'ns showed up, it seems like ya'll thought ya were the only ones. Could there be other villages out there though?"

"I never really smurfed about it. But now that we smurf there's another village, there may be more out there." The plump smurf admitted. "I wonder what the other smurfs are like though. Where they smurfed from, that kind of thing."

"I wonder if they got delivered by stork too. And if their gender ratio is mostly male. Smurfs are really confusin as a species." The brown haired smurfette wondered out loud. They certainly reacted to females, but didn't seem to have any they considered naturally occurring except the newest delivered child. Did they just pop up out of the blue then?

"It'd be nice if they were mostly smurfettes." He didn't mention his ulterior motive, that then he wouldn't have to worry about some other smurf trying to woo the healer away from him. The terrain was getting more rocky and steep, they were getting close.

Medic laughed. "That'd be funny if ya'll acted like elephants or somethin. Stayin in gender segregated groups until it was breedin season."

Greedy edged closer as he walked until he could take her hand in his. "I don't smurf that's it. I want to smurf near you all the time." The healer blushed, looking shyly down at the ground.

She squeezed her date's hand. "Tha feelin's likewise, darlin."

Elation gave the plump smurf a burst of energy and he hurried on, still holding her hand. "Not much further to smurf!"

The healer rushed to keep up, sometimes being towed along. The smurfette noticed a distant roar becoming louder.

Finally they rounded a large rock and could see the waterfall ahead. The water cascaded down in a large white sheet to churn the pool below into a froth. The spray from the water had a small rainbow appearing in the sunlight. It was impressive if one was human sized.

To a smurf sized being it was massive, magnificent.

"Oh wow." The area reminded the former dryad of a naiad friend's home, so much that it set off a feeling of deja-vu.

"It's really smurfy." Greedy smiled. "We could smurf to the top. You can see for smurfs from there."

"It's amazin how much it looks like Dia's home. I'd like ta see the view, there might be more things that're similar between tha worlds." Now excited herself, she followed as they picked their way up the craggy rockface near the waterfall. The couple's shouts were drowned out by the sound of the water, but they figured out how to point out the safer routes. She was impressed at how high they could jump.

It still took them a while to reach the top. They finally crested near where the waterfall ran, the booming roar of falling water was somewhat muted here. Greedy put his backpack down near a rock and motioned for his date to follow him.

He led them to a jut of rock that hung over the water, centuries of the river wearing down the stone until the waterfall was behind it.

"Over there, on sunny days you can smurf the shimmer of the veil. You'd be able to smurf the village if it wasn't for the magic." The gourmet pointed as he spoke, glancing back at the brown haired female.

"This is beautiful." Medic saw what she was sure was Gargamel's in the distance, but even it looked good amongst the expanse of wilderness that stretched out before them.

The smurf put his arm around her. "It's not as smurfy as you." He murmured, leaning in and kissing her. Almost immediately the healer started her breathtaking way of kissing and the plump smurf hummed in pleasure. He wrapped his arms around her, getting lost in their closeness. She responded in kind, her arms warm against his back.

How long they kissed he wasn't sure, though the healer's hands had started wandering. Suddenly she squeezed his rear and he broke the kiss in surprise.

"Too much?" The former dryad asked breathlessly.

"Just, surprised me." Greedy blushed. His pants were getting tight and he didn't know if that was proper or not.

It took a lot for the former dryad to step back, taking the smurf's hand and giving it a squeeze. "Sorry fer surprisin ya." She looked at the river running up to the waterfall. "Do ya come up here often?"

He wanted to say it was a good kind of surprised, but something told him she wasn't talking to him when she apologized. He shook his head, answering her question instead. "I'm usually too busy smurfing out with the meals. Or smurfing food with Harvest."

"Let's explore a bit, if ya don't mind." She smiled at him before looking at the pines and ferns that surrounded the river.

"Ok." He wasn't sure exactly what they'd find, but let the smurfette lead the way. They wandered through the ferns, stopping occasionally when Medic spotted something that captured her interest.

"Look at this." The former dryad said. The pine was bushy, small twigs growing right from the trunk with new green needles.

"That one's really smurfing. Why is it growing like that?" He wasn't quite the survivalist as Tracker, maybe the wood smurf knew. Timber definitely would.

The brown haired female made an apologetic face. "It's stressed, it might be dying. Trees grow out from the trunk like that when something's wrong." She ran her hand down the bark as if trying to comfort the tree.

"Can you smurf anything for it?" The plump smurf asked.

"I could if I were still a dryad. I used ta walk through my woods, just checkin up on my cousins." She stared up at the tree, lost in memories.

Finally the silence worried the smurf. "Medic?"

The question seemed to break the female from her reverie. "Ah. Um. Got hit with nostalgia there."

She could use cheering up, he could tell. He thought about a last minute item he'd put into the backpack. Now or never, Greedy. He mustered up the courage. "Let's smurf back, I want to show you something." The male held out his hand invitingly.

She took it with no hesitation, looking at him curiously. They took a more straightforward route, coming back to the rocky ground near the waterfall within minutes. Excitedly and nervously, the gourmet pulled out a small wooden box from the pack. He turned it on it's side and turned a small silver knob until he deemed it fully cranked.

Opening the small box, a twinkling melody started. He placed the box on a rock and held out his hand to the smurfette. "Dance with me?"

Medic blushed, stepping toward him hesitantly. "I'm not that good at dancin." She confessed.

"Then we can practice." He assured her. "And nosmurf can see you up here."

Greedy took the lead, coaxing her through the steps and not complaining when she accidentally stepped on his foot. The healer hadn't been kidding when she said she wasn't good. If stumbled any more, she would have fallen down.

The music box wound down and the couple slowed to a stop. The brown haired smurfette looked at him, blushing again. "That was wonderful." She murmured.

"Very smurfy." He agreed, pulling her close to him. They kissed, tongues dancing.

A loud growling made them both jump, immediately the plump smurf blushed. "S-sorry, I smurf it's almost dinnertime."

Medic laughed. "If it's any consolation, I'm hungry too."

Greedy picked up his pack. He pulled out a small bag of slightly bruised smurfberries. "I did smurf these." The duo shared the bag, though he got the lion's share. The healer picked up the music box and looked at it before handing it over. It was intricately carved with musical notes and she wondered if showed the song the box played.

Once done with their snack, the two smurfs headed back down the slope towards the village.

**00000**

Jokey chuckled as he knocked on Traveler's door. It was the simple things in life that made things really enjoyable, the smurf thought as he gently tossed the yellow wrapped package in one hand.

The joke was apparently on him when Papa opened the door. The prankster squawked in surprise and hastily hid the gift behind his back.

"Oh, hello Jokey." The elder said, smiling. Was it Jokey's imagination or was there a knowing look in Papa's eyes?

"Hey, Papa." The trickster chuckled. "Just smurfing Traveler back to the village."

The cartographer came out then, looking warily at the bomber. First Papa's questions on how he was treated and now it was likely he'd get an exploding present from Jokey. He'd never get to his maps at this rate!

The bearded smurf was relieved. Traveler was himself and aside from being treated a bit roughly by the other smurfs, he was fine. He was sure he'd get the same result from Camper. The relief had him feeling a bit more jovial than usual.

"Well, that's smurfy of you Jokey! You two have a smurfy time!" The red-clad smurf walked off, heading towards Camper's house.

Traveler groaned inwardly. Now he was left alone with the prankster too. Quickly he closed the door, leaving himself outside with the other smurf. Better to get a face full of soot than have him mess up one of his maps.

"Don't smurf so worried!" The bomber laughed, tossing the package at the mapmaker. "It's just a little welcome smurf present." Like he expected, the other smurf caught the box on reflex. He saw the wince as the compulsion spell kicked in.

"Jokey." The cartographer ground out even as he grabbed a ribbon to untie it.

The comedian was already running and laughing. The bang of the exploding present had him glancing behind him. The soot-faced smurf was glaring, but retreated into his house instead of giving chase.

Well, that was no fun. That left him with nothing to do at the moment. He could head to Alchemist's but he didn't want to get on his-well... her nerves too much. Like when he'd tried to kiss in the dining hall. She'd tickled him into submission and he'd had to promise not to kiss like that in public. At least hugs were ok.

That train of thought gave him an idea. The smurf turned and headed to Tailor's. He knocked, waiting for one of the twins to answer before he walked in.

"Ah, Jokey, to what do I smurf he pleasure?" The seamster smurf asked warily as his hands moved along the shirt he was making. While four out of five of the smurfettes asking for shirts and pants instead of dresses made his life a bit easier, it didn't make it any less busy. He could practically make pants in his sleep after all.

"I was smurfing if I could smurf something." Jokey started, heading over to the bolts of cloth and looking over them. Weaver was nowhere in sight, likely making another materials run.

"If you're smurfing about making another costume, you'll have to help smurf the cloth first." Though he really didn't feel like helping the prankster out, Tailor knew denying the smurf would only mean he'd find the cloth gone anyway. At least agreeing with him meant he could keep tabs on the project.

"It won't be a costume I'm smurfing this time." The comedian grinned. He liked how a particular bit of cloth felt, it was a pale yellow. "What's this one smurfed out of?"

Now what was he up to? "It's spider silk. Very hard to smurf by, but it's very smurfy material." He paused, inspecting his work. "So what exactly are you smurfing?"

Jokey grinned. Comedic timing was everything. "A wedding dress."

"What?! Ow!" The clothier jerked his wounded hand away, worried that he'd gotten blood on the shirt. He picked up a scrap of cloth and held it against the needle wound. "And just who are you smurfing this dress for? Did Smurfette..." He trailed off.

"Nope!" The prankster laughed. "It's for me." He looked thoughtful. "Well really it's a surprise for Alchy."

Tailor tried to follow that and failed. "Would you mind smurfing that from the beginning?"

"I smurfed Alchy to marry me. I don't think I'd mind smurfing the smurfette for the day, so I'm gonna smurf up a dress to surprise my smurffriend." Spiders huh... He wondered just what kind of spiders. Could he just go around grabbing cobwebs?

"Oy vey." He couldn't be serious, could he? The clothes maker looked at the shirt. Well, there was a small miracle at least. It was still clean. "Are you really serious, then?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to say he didn't joke about love... but the smurf had played pranks that had gotten dangerously out of hand. Anonymous love letters, costumes, dressing up as a smurfette. The truth was he didn't take much at all seriously and he knew it. It was better to laugh anyway. But how to convince Tailor that he really, honest to smurfness, was serious this time?

"As serious as a smurf attack." He finally answered. The seamster didn't look very convinced. Jokey sighed. "Look, a lot of smurfs might be scared of Alchy, just like they smurf with Grouchy. But really they're not unsmurfy at all. I don't mind one smurf that Alchy's got a dragon in his head. He's still fun. ... And I really don't think I could smurf a joke at Alchy's expense. Not for a while now." There were a hundred other reasons but he really didn't want to start listing them. It felt strange talking seriously to somesmurf aside from his smurffriend.

The sewer stared at him like he'd grown a second head. Yup. The prankster thought, it was too strange. Now Tailor would think he'd gone mad. Or worse, sane!

Finally the clothier's brain seemed to restart. "That..." He trailed off and tried again. "We'll need a lot more silk if you're smurfing to make a dress from it."

The prankster hopped a bit. "Smurftastic! What do I smurf then?"

"You'll have to smurf until Weaver's back, he's better at smurfing the webs. The spiders are the bigger ones that smurf up in the trees. So we'll need to smurf up some presents for them, bugs."

Jokey listened intently. Even if it took weeks, this would be a grand surprise for Alchemist.

**00000**

Vexy finished tightening the bolt on the boiler. She was glad she was trusted to do the more simple repairs around the village, Handy was allowing her to work on her own more every day. It was something that perplexed Smurfette, how she actually liked to work on things.

It was more than that, it was breaking things down, seeing how they worked, and putting them back together that motivated her. The dark haired smurfette wiped her brow and tossed the wrench back into her toolbag.

She was certain if she'd been born in the village they would have named her something like Curiosity or something similar. But then, she might have wound up with 'ette' tacked onto her name for no apparent reason. Vexette just did NOT have the same edge to it as Vexy did. Curiosette? Ew. No thanks.

She'd bothered Gargamel with incessant questions after her creation. It was how she'd gotten her name. "Quit vexing me!" He'd said, still on the phone with customer service over how the mail order clay was neither magical nor did it stay blue after being subjected to alchemical processes. ClayMagic's representative didn't know what to think and kept assuming he'd tried to glaze the clay before placing it into a kiln.

The former naughtie picked up the toolbag and headed out of the bathhouse. With that job done she was free unless she started looking for things to do. Right now, she wanted to look for a particular smurf. She dropped the toolbag off at the workshop before she started asking around.

She asked the first smurf she saw, not noticing the besotted smile. It only hit her after the smurf took her hand in his.

Oh. Oh no. Yeah, he was getting down on one knee. "Vexy, would you smurf to the dance with me?"

At least it wasn't a marriage proposal. "Sorry, I've already got a date." The dark haired female pulled her hand away, trying to recall which smurf this was. The scarf around his neck rang a bell, but her memory wasn't cooperating.

The male stood hastily, embarrassed. "I see, sorry to smurf you." The scarf wearing smurf walked away, not answering the question.

At least he could take a hint. It was hard to tell which smurfs had their eye on her until they approached her. Some were smitten with Smurfette, while others had moved on to her or one of the newest females. A few seemed to play the field, announcing their enamoration with any smurfette that happened to be close by. She glanced at a few other smurfs making their way to wherever and wondered if she should tempt another outpouring of affection in order to locate the smurf she was really after.

"Spring Fever sucks." Vexy couldn't wait until this insanity was over.

Wait, there was Vanity! She hurried over to talk to him.

"Vanity, have you seen Grouchy?" The former naughtie asked.

"Oh I have indeed, Darling. Follow moi!" The smurf led the way, somehow avoiding obstacles while still gazing at himself.

The village was being decorated for the party and Party Planner had enlisted the help of several smurfs to put up lanterns and set up for the festivities. Grouchy had been conscripted, the grumpy smurf helping Hefty, Gutsy, and Tuffy move tables. Even Vanity and Hundred were helping, decorating and ensuring the soiree would be properly fashionable.

Vexy had to dodge Carpenter and Blacksmith as the two hardworking smurfs hauled a shoulder load of lumber over to where a game stall was being built. She spotted her sister arranging flowers into over a dozen vases and waved. Finally she made it as Hefty and Tuffy sat down a table.

"Hey, need any help?" It never ceased to amuse her how surprised the smurfs were to hear a female offer to do heavy lifting. Apparently her blond sister preferred to let the men doing the lifting.

"Ah, we don't smurf no help." Tuffy scoffed. "I could smurf this all by myself!" The overconfident smurf didn't notice Gutsy and Hefty rolling their eyes.

Grouchy scowled. "What's the smurf, Tuffy? Afraid of letting a smurfette outsmurf you?"

"I'm not afraid of nothin!" The brash smurf boasted.

"Well, we still need ta smurf out four more tables and some of tha chairs. Let's smurf to it." The scotsmurf certainly hoped that Grouchy's defense of the former naughtie wouldn't start some kind of contest.

The five smurfs headed back to the large log-shaped storage shed. Vexy looked longingly at the stored airplane. She wanted to look it over, take it apart, put it back together. Improve it! It ran with gears and had to be cranked from the outside, that much she knew. If they could rework the gears to make it windable from the cockpit, the little machine could run for as long as the pilot could keep winding.

Absently, she picked up a chair and stacked it onto another. When she had three stacked she headed out, following behind the four smurfs.

"See, she can't even smurf with the tables." The reckless smurf said smugly.

The black haired smurfette didn't know she was mirroring one of Grouchy's famous scowls. "Oh yeah?" She challenged as she sat down the chairs.

"Yeah!" Tuffy countered. The two didn't notice Gutsy facepalming over their childish antics.

Vexy smirked. "I bet I can get the last two tables by myself."

"What?" Hefty raised an eyebrow. They were solid oak tables. While he was sure he could do it (he'd have to do so carefully to keep from straining something), he really couldn't see how the female could. Why, she didn't even have any muscle definition!

Tuffy crossed his arms. "Well? Let's smurf this then." She couldn't do that. It was impossible.

The created smurfette laughed and headed back to the storage shed, four curious smurfs following. Already ideas were running through her head. If she could find some wheels this little challenge would be extremely easy.

Unfortunately, unlike Handy's workshop there weren't any creepers or rolling seats in the shed. There were a few sleds though. She pulled two from a large stack and looked them over. Yes, these would do nicely.

"The thing about work." Vexy ground out as she lifted one corner of a table and slid the sled under the leg. "Is that you've always got two options." She repeated the process. "You can work harder..."

The female walked around to the other side of the table and started pushing, the runners giving her just enough lessened friction that she could get it going. "Or you can work smarter!"

Grouchy watched his smurffriend as she pushed the first, then the second table out to where the others were set up. The defeated glare of his brash brother amused him to no end. Especially when the smurfette stood on the last table with a triumphant laugh.

The chairs were brought out quickly, the grumpy smurf following the dark haired female back to the storage shed for the last few chairs.

"So Tough Guy, what are you doing tonight?" Vexy asked.

The ornery smurf mentally smacked himself for thinking something inappropriate before he answered. "Nothing."

She stopped him from picking up a chair, pulling him into an embrace. "Good. Because I've got plans."

As if his head was drawn to hers, he leaned in, murmuring. "What kind of smurf?"

"Just you..." She started leaning in. "And me..." Their lips almost touched. "And a whole lot of this."

They kissed.

**00000**

Tracker dropped the last armload of wood near their camp, glad the chore was over with. They'd caught nothing that day. Hunter's shot at a mouse went too far wide, letting the rodent escape. It wasn't only Hunter though, he was sure given his wandering mind he'd missed more than a few trails.

The bowsmurf already had the fire going, it was just large enough to keep the chill off (and animals away) so long as they fed it. The canopy had a break above them that would soon be covered by the full summer leaves. Currently the small bright green foliage of spring could be seen everywhere in the daytime.

The natural light was almost gone, only stars and the waning moon lit the sky. Their final meal of the day consisted of the tasteless meal bars and a few smurfberries.

"Ven, you have been presmurfed all day. Is it your dame?" Hunter started, stabbing a smurfberry onto a stick to roast it.

"Mostly." The woodsmurf answered after a moment. He had so many different questions he'd pondered, to the point of missing trails. "I know my heart, mate, it's smurfing me that I love her. I seem to have fallen faster than we all smurfed for Smurfette." He prodded the fire with a stick. "Perhaps it's because she smurfs me affection in return. But I don't smurf she knows what love is... and in the end..."

The archer realized where his best friend's thoughts had lead him. "You smurf after spring is over she'll forlade. She'll leave?"

"Perhaps." Tracker admitted. It wasn't a pleasant thought. "She smurfs me like I'm a cat sometimes, I think. They're not exactly known to keep their mates." The pair lapsed into silence.

Above them, lying along a branch, Huntress frowned. She watched as the two smurfs got into sleeping bags and shivered again. It was stupid of her to run off without anything but herself and her sword, but currently her mind ran in circles. Did she know what love was? Did she love Tracker? She certainly liked him. It wasn't just the mutual attraction, she decided. She wanted to climb down and cuddle him, comfort him. Was that love?

And was it enough?

She certainly wasn't going to leave. Though she did want to get warm. He'd be mad, she was sure.

Oh well.

Quietly, the former feline climbed down the side of the tree facing away from the two smurfs.

Hunter stared up at the stars. "Ven?"

"Hm?" Tracker was still awake as well.

"I think things will smurf out for you. Huntress, if she doesn't smurf what love is, she's learning from you."

The words soothed him, gave him hope. "Thanks, mate." He shifted in his sleeping bag. "It's strange, I'm almost sure I can smurf her scent." He inhaled deeply.

The woodsmurf's eyes widened and he sat up. Less than a second later he was tackled back to the ground, arms wrapping around him in a hug as familiar as her scent. "Azzy?!"

The smurfette nuzzled her face into his neck. "I'm not going anywhere."

Tracker managed to get his arms free and returned the hug. While it wasn't a declaration of love, he still felt elated. Hunter was right.


	21. SF Side Series: First Days 04

**Author's Note (Please read): I apologize for leaving the FF dot net crowd in the dark. I kinda realized that today as I was lookin over things. Long story short: I'm pregnant and just passed the 37 week milestone so my son could come at any time. Couple that with a tooth problem mid-May and writer's block, well, ya'll can see why this chapter is horribly late.**

**My update schedule will now be 'when I get a chapter done'. I think it's best considering the circumstances. Sorry if that puts a damper in folk's enjoyment of this (or maybe you're celebrating the lack of me updating my stuff XD). I will be finishing this story, but much like my other multi-chapter story, it may take a year or five.**

**For those that are aware, I have a DeviantArt page (my username is also Zikore over there -I'm Zikore pretty much everywhere). There you can find my pitiful attempts at art and my sprite work, plus the story is over there as well.**

**I now return you to yer regularly scheduled chapter. :3**

**Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Reviews: Lac Lausanne: That chapter was so fluffy I got diabetus from writin it. XD I actually got reminded from reading another story about the blue clay (and Sassette almost) exploding. It was from the show. That's just my twisted little spin on things that spawned me wanting to write out an AU scenario where Sassette did set off a chain reaction just to see what terror I could inflict on the village. :3 The idea's in my 'AU Smurfs' file. Bwahaha!**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warnings for: Mild Violence, Sexual Situations**

Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 04

Brawny stretched, coming awake surrounded by pink. He looked to his left, seeing Nightshade's relaxed face and her hair fanned out on the pillow. The strong smurf rolled over, wrapping his arm around the smurfette.

The dark haired female blinked awake, recognizing who was beside her and smiling. "Smurfy morning."

"A very smurfy morning." The clone levered himself up onto his elbow. They had spent most of the time between dinner and bedtime hunting for ingredients. Afterward, it had been the smurfette who'd suggested sleeping over.

They hadn't actually made love, as much as the muscle bound smurf wanted to. He was content with the exploring they'd done before falling asleep in each others arms. Thinking of it made him want to kiss her again.

The same sentiment was running through Nightshade and she closed the gap between them. He pulled her closer, falling back onto his pillow and taking her with him. Their hands roamed as they kissed, exploring bare chests and inflaming each other with their ardor.

Brawny didn't want to push her. He especially didn't want to hurt her, but he wished his raven haired beauty would take off the little scrap of pink cloth she wore for underwear. Maybe if he took his off, she would too. The tattooed smurf caught her hand and lead it towards the hem of his only article of clothing.

Should she? The florist wondered. The smurfette was sure that her smurffriend wanted to go further. The problem was the thought made her nervous, a bit scared even. Her hand brushed past the hem and she felt him through the cloth instead. She just needed a little more time.

It wasn't exactly what he wanted, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't like it. The strong smurf jumped as a horn blared in the distance. Another meeting? The couple pulled away from their kiss.

"I hope Chief isn't going to smurf meetings every morning." The male grumbled as he took a last opportunity to run his hand down his love's side. He got up, knowing that if they were late there would be a smurf sent to find them. He dressed quickly, figuring he could clean up after breakfast. He hoped.

Nightshade made a fuss over her hair and dress, changing her mind three times before she settled on one.

When she started to do the same over her shoes, Brawny coughed, trying to remind her of the time. It didn't seem to phase her. They were the last to the meeting, arriving shortly after a yawning Gluttony and near sleep-walking Surgery.

Once informed that all of his subjects were present, Chief started his announcement, his voice carrying over the silent crowd.

"Most of you have likely heard about Wrath attempting to run off with that child. Well it didn't end well for him! Any smurf caught deserting the village will be hunted down and brought back, dead or alive." He ground out the last three words.

"To ensure that the other smurfs won't stumble upon the village, guards will be posted at each exit, and a patrol will monitor the wall." The dark clad smurf was pleased that he didn't hear any groans. Now, what else? Oh yes, the farming one had said they needed food.

"We will need a gathering party to harvest food." Several hands rose. "Anyone within the party will have to be careful not to be seen by the other smurfs." A few dropped, but most still seemed like they wished to help.

"Lastly, since the wall is completed, those of you with more essential jobs will be able to return to them. Planting is still a priority." He tiled his head upwards, looking down at the assembled smurfs. "Once planting is finished we will be able to return to normal activities." That is, until he was ready to launch his plan. Chief smiled at the thought.

"Dismissed!" He finished, watching the crowd head towards breakfast. A few smurfs stayed behind, likely the volunteers for gathering. He pointed at Clever, silently delegating the task to the glasses wearing smurf. Oh, there was one more smurf heading towards him. He waited to see what the kilt wearing one would say.

"Ah, Chief. If I could smurf a moment of yer time." Warrior started.

"Make it quick." The dark-clad smurf answered. He still needed to plot out the perfect way to storm the other village, which included checking up on the progress of the blacksmith. If only he had... well, he did technically. He'd go talk to a certain smurf at breakfast then.

"I think we need te start learnin how te fight. Tha other smurfs dinnae fight often, so not many of us are good at smurfin. I think it'd also smurf off some rivalries." If Warrior were honest with himself, he'd admit he just wanted to show off and bust a few heads. But presenting it like it was something that would be good for their village made it more likely he'd get his way.

Chief thought about it, rubbing his chin. They did need to know how to fight better than Papa's smurfs. "Fine." He agreed. "But you're in charge of the training. There will be no killing. Understood?"

"Aye, Chief!" The scotsmurf was already thinking about where to have the 'training' and what rules to enforce. This was going to be glorious! Caught up in his plans, he didn't notice the elder walking away.

**00000**

Gumbo couldn't believe it. First Cook came into the kitchens looking like he'd been thrashed, then once the meeting was called he spotted Brawny arriving with Nightshade. Either both of them just happened not to drink from their pitcher or something was conspiring against him. Gluttony wouldn't do something like that, he was sure. Besides he had his own agenda, and from the looks of his tired friend that plan hadn't gone well either.

Both he and the plump smurf hurried back to the mess hall to finish putting out the food for breakfast.

"Gre-gre, you don look so smurfy." The cajun smurf started.

"Rough night. I'll smurf you later." The gourmet answered tiredly.

Cook seemed to notice as well. "Unsmurfy dreams?" The italian smurf asked. If it was, he could certainly relate.

"Yeah." Gluttony lied as he picked up several laden plates. No need to announce what he'd done to everysmurf.

"So what smurfened?" The frycook looked around, trying to keep his voice low as they placed the plates. Already smurfs were walking in and seating themselves.

"She can smurf magic even while gagged." The plump smurf wondered how much he should tell for only a moment, then kept telling his tale. "She smurfed me up and we smurfed."

"Dit mon la verite'!" He exclaimed. That was too unbelievable. "Smurf me da truf!" He demanded quietly.

"It's true." The bib wearing smurf had a far off expression. "I would've smurfed that it was a dream if I hadn't woken up next to her." He looked at his best friend with a confused expression. "She smurfed she _liked_ being tied up."

Gumbo wasn't sure what to say. Wasn't that female already smurfing the doctor? They had retrieved the last of the food and set it out before he finally wondered exactly how his friend was going to deal with the situation.

"Gre-gre. What chu gonna smurf?" The other smurf had already sat down at his usual table, so the cajun smurf leaned over.

His still confused expression seemed to say it before he did. "I don't smurf." He was aware of his friend patting his shoulder and leaving. Since he'd awoken it'd been one jumble in his head. He liked what happened... didn't he? He certainly seemed comfortable with what he'd _tried_ to do. What did that make them? What did it make him? It all seemed like some demented dream.

If the other smurfs noticed him eating slower, they didn't comment.

**00000**

Fighter looked at his team of smurfs. Wrangler, Indecisive, Pensive, and Reaper. He'd been put in charge of heading to the sarsaparilla fields to gather some of the leaves there. The others didn't seem too enthused about him being in charge, but he could handle it!

They collected the gathering baskets and set off. They made good time, walking quickly and keeping quiet to avoid both predators and possible discovery from the white clad smurfs. At the sight of the familiar leaves, the group began to relax.

With only a cursory glance around, Fighter headed up to a promising looking plant. The leaves were a bright new-growth green at the top with darker green towards the bottom of the stem. The smurfs quietly started picking.

Indecisive looked at one leaf and then another. Would this one taste better? Or would it be the other one? Maybe the more tender ones higher up?

Fighter noticed the flighty smurf having issues again. He stalked over, smacking him on the back of the head. "Just smurf them Indecisive." He growled.

The smacked smurf gritted his teeth. He started picking leaves, trying to decide if he should retaliate or not.

"Hello smurfs!" The voice was both familiar and not. The word smurf was friendly, meaning both the race and 'friends'. The five clones froze.

"Oh smurf." Indecisive's eyes were wide. They'd been seen! What should they do? Run? Try to trick them? He really didn't like these white clad smurfs. They'd ruined this outing.

Pensive waved a hand. "Lemme smurf this." He said quietly, his mind already formulating a plan. This was Traveler, Camper, and Harvest from the looks of it. If Reaper spoke the similarities in their voices might give them away. So have him keep quiet and-

"Oh no. I'm in charge of this mission, smurfhole. I decide what we're gonna smurf." Fighter glared at his slouching companion.

Camper hopped with excitement. "Wow! We've never seen other smurfs before! Who are you smurfs? Where do you smurf from?"

Wrangler ignored the question. Fighter was going to do something stupid, he was sure. "Fighter, ya know Pensive's tha thinker. Why not let 'im smurf ta these smurfs?" The annoyance on the camping smurf's face gave him a measure of satisfaction.

"Hello? Smurfs?" The white clad smurf asked again. His two companions exchanged confused looks.

Fighter cracked his neck. Annoying these smurfs was kind of fun, but they had some strict rules. They weren't supposed to be seen. He lowered his voice and reminded his comrades. "Chief smurfed we shouldn't be seen. So we smurf them to Chief."

That left them only one course of action. A thrill of excitement swept through him as he charged forward. "**Smurf them!**"

Pensive slapped his hand over his face. "You nincomsmurf." Still, he had to help. He ran forward with Wrangler and Reaper.

Indecisive whined to himself, frozen to the spot. Help? Run? Run was looking really good right about now. Two of the white-clad smurfs were already fighting two to one against his fellow clones. There was one that kept backing up though.

"Indecisive, smurf him!" He heard Fighter yell. Well, he had to now. He surged forward, running to Harvest. He saw the stick arcing towards him and tried to stop. The piece of wood struck true and the flighty smurf was out like a light.

Reaper spotted the grey-clad smurf going down and scrambled back to his feet. Wrangler could take care of Traveler by himself. He had to capture the gleaner smurf, so he half-staggered, half-ran towards the basket carrying smurf.

The white-clad smurf dropped both baskets and ran. The chase was short, the grey smurf lost sight of his quarry quickly. He dashed to where he'd seen the smurf last and looked around. Harvest was hiding, he was sure.

After a few moments, he wasn't so sure. If he was hiding, acting like he was walking away would be a good strategy. "Smurf!" He cursed before walking a short way away and hiding behind a tree.

There he waited. Nothing. Blast it all. He'd let the smurf get away. This wasn't good. The other smurfs would soon find out about them now. He trudged back to the others. They had tied up the two prisoners and were currently putting them on poles to be carried. Fighter looked at him pointedly. The gleaner clone could only shake his head in defeat.

"You'll probably smurf a demerit for letting that last one smurf away." The pugnacious clone sneered as he finished a knot. Reaper glared at him, getting ready to retort.

Pensive beat him to it, leaning back against a stalk of sarsaparilla. "That's if you don't smurf a demerit for attacking like a nincomsmurf." Pensive griped, sounding bored. "We could have tricked them, or smurfed friendly and claimed we were more transfmurfed smurfs or something. Anything!"

"He's right, pardner. T'wern't no excuse for smurfin 'em up." The Wrangler agreed… Though he had enjoyed the fight. The harvester clone nodded.

Only time would tell if he'd done the right thing or not. Though the boastful smurf was certain he'd done well. "Let's just smurf these two back to Chief. They can't smurf a rescue if they don't smurf where these two are." Fighter announced smugly. With a last check of the ropes, the smurfs picked them up and started back towards their village.

**00000**

It was the most comforting kind of torture, a cruel joke she was playing on herself, Comic decided as she woke up in Alchemist's bed. Maybe playing a few pranks would cheer her up. The bomber stretched, climbing out of the bed. Her eyes landed on the small cauldron with the fireproofing, genderswapping potion.

Why not? The redhead grinned. So what if any victims were knocked out for about three hours as they transformed? This would be **fun**. But who first? And what sort of delivery system? The comedian pondered this as she dressed. A joybuzzer kind of thing!

The prankster fairly danced with anticipatory glee. Oh yes, something small. Maybe she could even fake that the transformations were contagious? The redhead giggled. This was exactly what she needed to improve her mood!

Ladeling some of the potion into another vial, she carefully corked it before she headed out to her own house. It didn't take much time for the joker to dig up a few joy buzzers, the small rings had a variety of different methods to startle folks. One was taken apart and tinkered with until she was sure it would press a small sponge to whatever squeezed the little device hard enough. A handshake, a pat on the head or back would be enough. Only after a few tests did the smurfette load the little potion laden sponge into the ring.

By the time Comic was done breakfast was long over. Ah the prices she paid for comedy! Now. Who would be the funniest to turn into a smurfette? It only took a second for the prankster's mind to supply an answer. Why the toughest of the smurfs of course! She headed out of her house and towards a rock shaped building.

The clanging could be heard long before the redhead actually saw the blacksmith working at his forge. Along a shelf there sat several spear heads, ready to be placed onto shafts of wood.

"Heya Forge! What'cha smurfin?" The bomber started looking over the spears. They looked like they'd already been sharpened.

"Privet." The hammer falls didn't stop. "Am smurfing spears. To what do I smurf the pleasure, Zho- no, you are smurfed Comic now, da?" The banging slowed as the metal cooled. This one was a few hits away from being done.

"Yup!" The meandering route took the female closer to the blacksmith.

"And you have smurfed here for?" Forge rumbled as he finished the spear head. Picking up the hot metal with tongs he dipped it into a cooling bin, where the metal hit the water with a hiss and a small plume of steam.

She was close enough, so the smurfette reached out and clapped the smurf on his back. "Just smurfing by to say hi! Smurf ya later, Forge!" She started to laugh.

The smurf looked perplexed just before the bee-sting sensation started on his shoulder. "Chto?!" He managed before collapsing.

After getting her mirth under control, the redhead made sure the transforming smurf was comfortable before she headed out. This would be the best prank ever!

Comic couldn't contain her giggles. She spotted both Fighter and Wrangler heading out with three other smurfs ladened with gathering baskets. Well, couldn't prank them yet. The thought of the outdoors crowd did give her an idea though. Whatever Herder was calling himself, he really had nothing to do today thanks to the village having no animals to watch over. And Brawny! The redhead hummed as she made up a list of potential victims. Warrior, Lumberjack... hmm. Why not just see how many she could get to after that? She had about three hours after all.

Laughing, the prankster stopped by a sleeping smurf. "Hey Sleepy, do ya know where Herder smurfed?"

The tired smurf cracked open an eye. "He's smurfing himself Rancher now. I think he's..." The smurf trailed off with a yawn. "At the fields smurfing Planter."

Suddenly the redhead bent over him with a giggle. "Thanks, Sleepy." She purred, causing the smurf to blush. Just as quickly as the female bent over she was up and jogging away. "Smurf a nice nap!" She laughed.

"Eh?" It felt like a bee had stung him on his chest, then the world went dark.

Within an hour, Comic estimated she'd transformed a good two dozen smurfs. They were on to her now though. Her sides shook as she laughed quietly from her hiding place behind a stack of barrels near the storehouse.

"I think she smurfed this way!" That sounded like Bard. The footfalls charged past her hiding spot. Good thing she'd gotten both Azrael and Stalker. Those two would probably have been able to find her easily.

She lifted the small vial up, inspecting it. Her vial was almost out.

"Let's smurf if I can finish this vial." She whispered, refilling the ring for the last time. Creeping out from behind the barrels, she snuck around the storehouse.

A large, heavy weight fell on her from above, driving the redhead to the ground and knocking the wind from her lungs. "Got ye lass!" Oh drat, it was Warrior. The bomber tried to catch her breath, unable to even giggle.

"Now, ye need ta smurf tha consequences, Comic." The scotsmurf hauled the female up, holding her arms securely.

Could she reach him with the ring? The prankster tried and failed.

"Be glad nosmurf has smurfed tha Chief about this. Yet." The smurf growled as he marched her out onto a main street.

"Joke's on me now." She still felt out of breath. If he would just move a little closer...

Smurfs started to follow them as they headed to the infirmary, their expressions angry. Physician answered, looking harried. Once he realized who was in Warrior's grasp, his look became murderous. "You've got a lot to smurf, Comic." He growled.

The smurfette began to laugh. She spun suddenly, but either Warrior was prepared for it or she telegraphed her movement somehow. He caught her by the wrists as she tried to shove him out of the way.

"Ah, so what's this?" The scotsmurf announced. Uh-oh. He'd spotted her ring.

She struggled but the smurf was far stronger, holding her arms tightly under one of his own, he pried the ring off her finger. "Quit fightin me, lass. It's over."

Drat. "Well, it was smurfy while it lasted." Comic sighed in defeat. She watched as the adventurer smurf handed the ring over to the doctor.

"Is this a magic item, or some other kind of smurf?" He looked at the redhead, who shrugged cavalierly. "We know you smurfed some kind of magic and that it's smurfing the smurfs into smurfettes and smurfettes into smurfs. All we're missing is what it is smurfxactly."

Surgery bustled from transforming smurf she was checking. "Can I see that ring?" The item was handed over carefully and the female looked at it with her eyes glowing. While the diagnostic spell was created to look at living creatures, it could also show roughly if things were magical.

The female hummed in thought. There was magic, but the ring itself wasn't magic. She pulled a tongue depressor out and gently probed the modified buzzer. "So that's it..." She muttered to herself as the sponge was revealed.

Comic decided that if Surgery was clever enough to use a probe to look at the ring instead of her bare hand, she'd probably be a lot of fun to try and outwit for pranks. The redhead grinned, leaning back against the doorframe. The smile only became wider as Warrior looked at her suspiciously and moved to block the closed door.

Physician took some tweezers out and picked up the small sponge. Some of the liquid contained within beaded onto a corner and the two medical smurfs quickly pulled their exposed skin away as it dripped to the ground.

"It's a potion." The doctor announced. "Is there any more? Will you have to smurf more? How long does the transmurfation take? Is is safe to smurf them up?" He walked towards the female as he bombarded her with questions.

"Yes. No. Three to four smurfs. I don't know." Comic sing-songed back.

"We should wait then." Surgery waved a hand in the general direction of the filled beds. "Better ta wait then take the chance of 'em feelin agony while transformin." She couldn't tell if the sleep state the potion induced while the transformation occurred was a side effect or something that was needed to keep those transforming from feeling the changes. She resisted the urge to tap the sponge to Comic and then wake her back up.

As if he could read her mind, Warrior brought up a suggestion. "I think tha lass should smurf here an help. There was a crowd outside tha dinnae smurf too happy with her."

"We still need to smurf that potion too." Physician agreed. "So where'd you smurf it?" The doctor looked at the comedian.

The bomber was silent for a moment. She had a vial tucked into the hem of her hat, it was the same one that was in her pants pocket the morning previous. It was somehow more special to her. Well, better to give up the cauldron then. "It's at Alchey's, in a cauldron on his workbench. Should be easy to smurf."

Warrior went to get the potion, while the two healers discussed the best way to 'cure' their patients. The talk annoyed the prankster.

"It's not like I smurfed 'em with poison ya know." The redhead pointed out, leaning on the bed frame and watching Clever's hair slowly grow. Huh, a lot of smurfs had red hair, it seemed.

"I'm smurfing a lot of them will be mad, just the same." Physician grumbled. He was still frustrated at getting interrupted about an hour ago.

"All they have to smurf is to use the potion again tonight at bedtime." Comic stretched. "They'll wake up in the morning smurfed back right."

The doctor huffed. "We'll let you smurf them that."

The prankster laughed. This would be fun. She'd get to see all their expressions as they woke up. She walked slowly along the beds before she finally located Forge. She'd be the first to wake up. The bomber pulled up a chair, settling in to watch the potion finish transforming the black haired smurf. Twin red streaks broke up the slowly growing ebony locks, like dying embers amongst coals. It seemed fitting, given the smurf's profession as a blacksmith.

It was almost lunch time when the first victim started to stir. "Chto?" The smurfette sat up, taking stock of where she was and noticing the redhead sitting at the foot of the bed.

The blacksmith's eyes narrowed. "What did vy smurf, mudak?" She snarled. A moment afterward she realized how differently her voice sounded. "Khm?!"

Comic clung to the chair as she laughed. "You're already smurfing it out."

Forge raised her hands up to her head, feeling the wavy tresses. Methodically examining herself, she put together the mystery quickly. Whatever had changed the redhead into her current female form had been used on her as well. The stinging feeling!

Snarling expletives in Russian, the blacksmith was up off the bed and tackling the prankster off her chair. She managed to land a decent punch to the bomber's gut before being hauled off by Physician.

"I will not smurf fighting in the infirmary!" The doctor barked. He had to yell it again before Forge stopped struggling.

"If this is how I am smurfed, there will soon be one less comic." The blacksmith growled, shrugging away from the smurf's grip.

"It's… completely... resmurfable." Comic wheezed, staggering to her feet. "It's just... a joke."

Forge crossed her arms. Thankfully her usual apron was covering her chest. "Is not smurfy joke."

"Wha-what's smurfing on?!" A few beds down, Sleepy had woken up. She had sat up, the blanket falling down and presenting her assets to the rest of the conscious smurfs. Surgery hurried over to cover her back up.

By the time the lunch bell rang, it was pandemonium in the infirmary. Angry smurfettes and smurfs threatened the prankster bodily harm after getting over their surprise at waking up as the opposite gender. Some took the news better after they found out they'd be put to rights by the next morning.

Others however… "By Golly, she needs to be smurfed a lesson!" The now blond Lumberjack shouted angrily. Nearby smurfs were glad that the wood cutter didn't have her trusty axe with her.

"Bet when you smurfed you wanted to be in a smurfette you didn't expect this!" Comic laughed. Several of the victims started towards him.

A piercing whistle interrupted the advance. Physician hopped up onto his desk. "I've smurfed it before and I'll smurf it for the last time. There will be no fighting in the infirmary!" He glared at the angry smurfettes and pair of smurfs. "It's lunch time, how about we all smurf to lunch and just resmurf the changes tonight? It's only half a day to smurf."

The crowd headed out, the most disgruntled ones trying to wait out the bomber. They had little luck, as the redhead was sharp enough to wait for all of them to leave.

Surgery helped to straighten the beds, glancing occasionally at the other female. She did feel she owed Comic, making her a real smurf instead of a construct in addition to their shared secret of having done the spell had her approaching the comedian.

"Ya do jokes like that often?" It wasn't the best opener, but it would satisfy her curiosity.

The bomber grinned proudly. "It's the first time I've smurfed magic. I've smurfed all kinds of tricks. They'll smurf over it." She had behaved on pulling out the love potion... for now. The smurfette's grin became devious. Maybe it was time to cross that line and see how far she'd get.

"What's that smile fer?" The medic backed up a step. She'd been transformed into a male before but didn't have any desire to miss lunch.

"Just smurfing about other jokes. Comon, I'm hungry!" Without waiting for the other female to agree, Comic snagged her hand and towed her out the door. Surgery managed to call to Physician that she'd see him at lunch.

The village was abuzz. Strangely, smurfs were heading toward the south gate instead of toward the mess hall.

"Huh. What's smurfin' on..." The two females headed towards a gathering crowd of smurfs. There was enough space that they could easily see two smurfs in white pants sitting on the ground with their hands tied.

In varying degrees, the grey clad smurfs were aware of their immediate dislike of the two smurfs. The pull of the spell that made up their being called for them to heckle them, hit them, _cause them grief_.

Surgery became aware she was squeezing Comic's hand and had a scowl on her face. She blinked, releasing the pressure. Beside her the comedian had a similar reaction, flicking her closed fist to alleviate the pain from her nails biting into her palm.

"I think... I think we should try an' figure out a way to at least lessen that spell." The brown haired female murmured. "It's annoyin feelin like I'm a slave to some magical commands."

"You too, huh?" Comic agreed. "Donno if there's a way to smurf that."

Chief walked past them, the duo quieted watching and wondering what their commander would do.

**00000**

The trip back had been just as uneventful as the trip to the sarsaparilla fields. Bard and Gambler gave the harvesting group strange looks as they walked through the gate with their prisoners. The four smurfs put the white-clad smurfs down where Fighter pointed.

"Smurf 'em here, I'll go smurf Chief." Both Traveler and Camper looked on nervously as Azrael approached them with his dagger. The genderswapped clone efficiently cut them loose from the poles.

The cartographer looked up at the clone, his eye swollen shut from the earlier fight. "So what are you going to smurf with us?"

The grey-clad smurf smiled a cheshire grin. "That's for the Great Chief to decide."

Onlookers gathered, but the two captured smurfs didn't have long to wait. The grey smurfs seemed to edge in closer, anger or anticipation on their faces. The gathered clones could see the worry on the two prisoner's faces. Then Camper's bruised face changed to one of surprise.

"Are you smurfing what I'm smurfing?" The hiker asked his companion. Both smurfs looked in shock at the black clad smurf approaching them. If it hadn't been for the color of the older smurf's clothes, he'd be a twin to Papa.

"Papa?" Traveler asked hopefully. Hope gave the smurf a surge of energy and he hopped to his feet. "Thank smurfness!"

The camping smurf jumped up as well. "Was this some smurf of a prank?"

The two white-clad smurf's joy lasted only a moment longer before Chief nodded sharply at one of his spear carriers.

"Don't smurf up to the Great Chief like that! Bow!" Gambler used the blunt end of the spear to strike the back of Camper, the already bruised smurf letting out a cry of pain and dropping into the dirt. It only took the clone raising his spear again for the mapmaker to take the hint and he lay prone as well.

Finally the elder spoke. "And who are you two?" He'd rather be chasing Fighter to knock some sense into him. He'd explicitly said to not be seen, not to take prisoners! Playing dumb would help now though.

"I'm Traveler and this is Camper. We smurf from the village southwest of here." Why did this smurf look so much like Papa?

"We weren't aware there were other smurfs in the area." Chief lied. "But I do caution all of the smurfs here to remain unseen." Now, how could he play this so he could hold them captive?

As the elder wondered, a distant shout gave him the answer he was looking for.

"Intruder Alert!" The gathered crowd rippled with excitement.

Perfect. Chief smirked. "You spear holders, go capture that spy!" He watched the clones rush off before he turned his attention back to the two smurfs. "We'll put these two in irons and see what their plans were. Everyone else, back to what you were doing!"

The crowd dispersed reluctantly, casting glances back at the two white-clad smurfs as the harvesting group got them to their feet and marched them towards a storehouse. Chief followed them. Once the leg irons were on and a guard posted, he had new guards posted from those that had already eaten.

The two white-clad smurfs looked at him nervously as he entered the storehouse. Looking the area over he decided they needed a proper place to put prisoners once he went through with his plans. That would be later. Hopefully he'd have more time to prepare. He wanted to check to see if these two had any inkling of what was really going on.

"So, what was that spy all about?" The elder smurf folded his arms as he glared at the duo.

"It was probably Harvest smurfing where we'd been smurfed to. There have been enough of us smurfed that we all try to smurf what we can to rescue each other." Traveler pointed out in what he hoped was a reasonable tone.

"Yeah, if you smurfs traveled, didn't any of you get smurfed by other creatures?" Camper asked.

"I'll ask the questions around here!" Chief snapped. "You want me to believe that you weren't watching us before that?"

The baffled expressions of the two white-clad smurfs told him that they hadn't, even before the one with the black eye spoke up. "We never smurfed any of you smurfs before today."

The black-clad smurf paced, thinking. As much as he just wanted to get rid of the two now, he had a plan to stick to. Try as he might, he couldn't think of any further questions that wouldn't be telling them new information if they didn't know it. Finally, he stopped pacing and looked at the two.

"Very well. I'll believe you. For now." The elder turned and left. A spear wielding smurf nodded to him as he closed the door.

Now to see to those idiots that ignored his orders in the first place.

**00000**

Their seating arrangement hadn't changed much. Fix at the end with an empty chair next to him. Physician sat in the middle seat, with two empty chairs next to his right and an empty chair and the handysmurf on his left. On the side that faced Surgery and Comic as they neared the table were Clever, Bumbles, Brutus, Maddy, and Forge. The prankster almost hid behind the medic as they approached, most of the genderswapped smurfs glared at the redhead.

The situation didn't change at the table when they sat down, the bomber moving her chair so that her back was against the wall. It slid her slightly closer to Forge, who gripped her fork tight enough that her knuckles were an almost white shade of blue.

Clever was the first to speak. "Either you're smurfing very brave or really foolish." She'd pulled her straight red locks back into pony tail.

Bumbles had managed somehow to avoid Comic's potion spree. "Maybe she's here to smurf sorry?"

"Not likely." Clever grumbled.

"It's not like I've smurfed ya forever." The prankster countered.

"I'd be more annoyed that I got knocked out fer three hours." Surgery interjected. "Ya could've pulled that prank tonight an' got most of the village. Then they'd just spend a day swapped an' turned back the next night." She was aware of the horrified stares the rest at the table gave her.

"No. No. This is smurfier than that." Forge announced, stabbing at a bit of food.

"And how would you know it's not that bad?" Maddy asked, scratching under his hat at his bald head. "It's just weird all over."

"Brutus wanna be a boy again!" His sister cried. The former naughtie's hair was a massive mess of red and she'd stolen (and stretched) one of her brother's shirts.

The medic shrugged, ignoring the whining. "I've seen spells that can do tha same thing. Lots of spells that can do sooo many things." She smiled lecherously as she licked a bit of gravy from her spoon.

"Is there any time when you don't smurf about smurfing?" Fix sighed from his seat.

"When I'm asleep?" The brown haired smurfette chuckled.

"I smurf we use that potion on Comic right after lunch." Clever started, trying to get the conversation back on track.

"Da. That sounds like smurfy plan." Forge agreed.

The redheaded comedian shifted in her seat. It wasn't the thought of being male again that worried her, it was the thought of what an angry prank victim could do while she was unconscious that made her reluctant to agree right away. The smurfette didn't trust many smurfs. Though maybe...

"Only if Surgery smurfs sure nosmurf tries anything." The bomber countered.

"You don't have any room to make demands." Maddy glared, pointing at the redhead with his spoon.

"If we smurf the potion on her in the infirmary it should work out." Physician pointed out. Not to mention that while the joker was out he might get to finish what he started that morning with Surgery.

A clanging echoed through the mess hall and smurfs turned to look. Warrior was standing on a chair, hitting a soup tureen with a spoon.

"Right! Now that I've got yer attention. We're going te be beginnin trainin after lunch. Just outside tha north gate we've got a nice clearin. Any smurf worth their smurf should be there, unless ye're lily-livered cowards!"

From the crowd, a clone called out. "I'll smurf if I get to smurf Comic." The chorus of agreements turned the noise level in the long room into a cacophonous din. Lots of smurfs wanted to fight the bomber after what had happened.

"I think we can arrange tha'." The scottish smurf drawled. The smurfs cheered.

"Looks like we've been outsmurfed." Forge said smugly. A good beating might be just the thing the prankster needed. The noise level dropped back down, though it was still loud. Excited predictions on just what this training entailed kept the clones talking.

This wasn't going to be much fun, Comic decided. But if any of the fake smurfs thought she'd meekly take a beating, they'd be surprised.

Azrael burst into the mess hall. "Hey, where's Chief? Papa Smurf and some other smurfs are at the south gate!"

Clever jumped up. "I'll smurf him!" The bespectacled clone was gone before any of the others had time to protest.

**00000**

Chief was in the middle of a tirade. Marching back and forth in front of the five assembled smurfs in the leader's - well his technically - house. "And if you idiots mess up like this again I'll make sure it's the last mistake you ever ma-"

"Chief! Chief! Papa Smurf is here!" Clever didn't bother knocking, barging right into the leader's home.

"Blast it all!" The black-clad smurf growled. The other smurf hadn't wasted time in getting help freeing his friends then. The elder checked the time and pulled out his metal flask. Now wouldn't be the time to go making stupid decisions. Taking a drink, he put the top back on.

"Sir?" The sideways hat one spoke up. "Could we smurf to lunch or are we needed?"

"Dismissed." The leader barked distractedly. The five smurfs filed out. He sat the flask down on his desk as he started pacing. He had a decision to make and he had to make it fast. Try and capture the smurfs at the gate, or play nice and keep some semblance of cover?

The latter, definitely.

"I'll take care of this." Chief announced as he left the small house.

Clever glanced at the door then back to the flask on the desk. She should find out what exactly their leader was drinking. She scooped up the little bottle and was out the door. The glasses wearing smurfette headed to her house instead of where the excitement was. She only had a limited amount of time to get the answers she sought after all.

Going to the small workbench, she carefully opened the metal container. Fanning any fumes from the bottle and smelling carefully she tried to identify the potion by scent. She expected the scent to feature Centaurea cyanus heavily. The deceiving looks of the centaurea flowers translated in magic to a transformative ability.

Instead, she smelled Clematis. She brought her nose closer. She couldn't tell the species, but those plants were often used in potions affecting the mind. The apprentice took out a few vials and poured a bit of the potion into one. Taking out a cauldron and lighting a small flame under it, Clever set to work.

Deconstructing a potion was harder than creating one. With the right tools you could tell what was in the potion and at what amount, but like trying to turn a cake back into it's basic ingredients after it had been baked, it was impossible to revert a potion into it's parts. The cauldron soon bubbled as Clever mixed water, alcohol, and potash along with a drop of liquified smurfroot. It was as close to a true universal solvent as any smurf had discovered to her knowledge.

Finally the almost alkahest was done and the smurfette carefully poured the vial into the cauldron. The liquid immediately separated, magic flowing freely away as it was released in the reaction.

"Clematis vitalba..." The smurfette murmured. Quicksilver and water as well. Those pointed to one thing.

The magic user picked up the flask and pondered out loud. "But why would Chief need to smurf a mind sharpening potion?"

"Hiya Clever!" Bumbles chose that moment to burst into the female's home.

The glasses wearing clone startled, losing her grip on the flask. She fumbled trying to grab it but missing as it fell in an arc.

And landed in the cauldron.

"Ooooh smurf!" Apparently the flask itself was enchanted, the metal bottle sparked as the solvent tore the magic from it and started eating away at the metal that made up the physical item. The potion inside didn't fare any better. The magic was released in a fireworks like flash, temporarily blinding both of the grey clad clones.

"Bumbles." Clever growled as she scrubbed at her eyes. How would she be able to fix this? Chief would have her head on a pike!

"S-sorry." He tried to blink the spots out of his eyes. "What were ya smurfin on?"

"It doesn't matter, it's smurfed now." Just like me, the smurfette thought worriedly. If she could figure out a reasonable substitute... Knowing the potion was safe she tipped the last few drops from the vial onto her tongue.

She didn't have time to brew another batch, much less figure out whatever enchantment was on the flask and mimic that. But the potion itself tasted close enough to clematis and dandelion tea that she could probably reproduce a fake in short order. That'd give her enough time to fix what she'd done, it wouldn't harm Chief (in fact if the elder had been drinking the potion regularly it'd help him to take a break, mind altering potions were dangerous and habit forming), and she wouldn't be punished!

But for now, make a quick replica and fill it with tea. The smurfette dug around her cabinets, she had a flask or two, she was sure. They wouldn't be an exact match, but a small blend in enchantment would fix that.

Ah! There it was! The apprentice scooped up a plain metal flask out of a drawer and turned to her klutzy friend. "Bumbles, I need you to smurf up some clematis and dandelion tea. Can you smurf that?"

"Sure!" Glad he wasn't getting an hour long speech about how irresponsible it was to enter without knocking or something like that, the smurf was eager to please. "Do ya have it all here or do I need ta get it?"

A quick check of her stores provided the needed clematis and teapot, but she was out of dried dandelions. The clumsy clone announced he had the needed ingredient at his house and rushed out to get it, smacking his shoulder hard enough on the doorframe that. Clever grimaced. How that smurf hadn't killed himself or somesmurf else was beyond the intellect's ken.

**00000**

Chief waved a hand and other smurfs followed him to the south gate. He'd probably have to let his new prisoners go to maintain a facade of neutrality at least. It was amusing how the crowd of true smurfs gawped at him like he was something they'd never seen before. It grew tiring quickly though.

The Papa clone crossed his arms. "Well, what do you want?" It was so tempting just to order his smurfs to capture them. They certainly had enough to overwhelm this small number. But then he'd have to try and attack the village too soon.

The red clad elder lifted his hands in a sort of supplication. "We came to try and smurf out a misundersmurfing. We smurf in a nearby village and two of my little smurfs have been smurfed by some of your smurfs."

"Yes. I was just punishing the dolts for being idiots." Chief answered. Papa would likely take that to mean they wanted to be friendly. Ha! At least this would throw them off somewhat. He picked one of the clones around him at random. "Go get those two smurfs. And be quick about it!" The smurf hustled off.

When the black clad smurf turned back he saw the red clad one smiling. Yes, think we're nice, you simpering fool. He almost missed what Papa was saying.

"You must have some smurfy stories to tell. How did you smurf this whole village since last fall?"

It was on the tip of his tongue to teasingly answer 'magic'. But that may give away too much. Instead, Chief smirked. "That's a trade secret." The clank of chains had him glancing behind him as he spoke. "In any case, here's your missing smurfs. We're very busy and have work to get back to."

The two prisoners were unchained and practically ran to their fellows. Papa approached Chief with his hand out for a handshake. "There are no unsmurfy feelings, my friend. It would be smurfy if you would smurf to the party we're having tomorrow evening."

The black clad elder kept his arms crossed, sneering. "Bah! Who has time for frivolous parties?" Even as he said it his mind hit on a way to turn that to his advantage. Maybe a party was just what they needed.

But the red clad elder had already dropped his hand. "Well then, we'd best smurf back to our own village and allow you to get back to what you were smurfing." Seemingly reluctantly, he led his smurfs away.

The grey smurf leader scratched at his beard in thought, watching the smurfs as they left. "Tomorrow evening. I think that would work out nicely." He chuckled.


	22. CH 15: Party Crashers

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Lac: Thanks so much! ^_^ Well, obviously he's taken up quite a bit of my time, but my new little one is healthy and three months old already. Time's flying! x.x**

**And a thank you to my newest follower Cutie Kyuubi! ^_^**

Smurfs Forever 15: Party Crashers

The village was abuzz with talk of the other smurfs and/or the party that night. Depending on the smurf, the topic varied from speculation about the other village to what they would be doing to what songs might play. In Vanity's case, it was what everysmurf would be wearing.

Most wouldn't bother wearing anything other than clean clothes. It was a pity most of his kin didn't bother looking as smurfy as himself. At least Smurfette would be interesting to talk to. Sparing a glance away from his hand mirror, the smurf looked around to start his search for the blond female.

"Oh, Brainy!" The perfumer waved the other smurf over. Trailing along behind the bookish smurf were the two former animals. He waited until the trio was close enough for a civil volume before continuing. "Have you smurfed Smurfette?"

The glasses wearing smurf shook his head. "I've been far too busy smurfing my vast knowledge to Maple and Slither." He explained pompously.

"We learning lots and lots of words!" The former squirrel added cheerfully.

"We're learning." Slither corrected. The grey haired female clicked her teeth at him and the former snake puffed up in response. Both Brainy and Vanity were oblivious to the non-verbal confrontation.

The fashionista finally seemed to notice the two newly transformed smurfs. "And what might you two be smurfing to the party?"

Before either could respond the apprentice smurf butted in. "As students they should smurf their focus on studying, not parties."

The vain smurf smirked into his mirror. "Ah, but parties are a smurfy part of being a smurf! Surely that's something worth smurfing about." The reflection showed the other smurf scowling.

"I suppose..." Brainy began.

"And of course, what better smurf to smurf them up properly than moi?" The dapper smurf preened.

"Now smurf just a minute..." The smart smurf began to protest.

"Ah, ah, ah! I insist!" Before the dapper smurf could hear another word he turned to the two former animals. "After all, wouldn't you two want to smurf to your first party in style?"

"Yess." Slither agreed. While he wasn't quite sure the reasoning behind the need for 'style', it seemed important to the flower wearer. The ex-snake figured that it was some nebulous social drive, something that Professor seemed not to care about. It made him curious.

"Wazza style?" Maple asked. She crinkled her nose at her fellow student to forestall a correction to her speech. She knew she'd slurred the words, but it seemed a more natural way of speaking to her.

Vanity was in his element. "Style, darling, is how you present yoursmurf to others." He waved a hand, indicating the two smurfs to follow him and continued his explanation while looking at himself in his hand mirror. "Looking as smurfy as myself comes naturally but one smurfs up little tricks that would help anysmurf."

Maple decided the concept was boring and tuned the flower wearing smurf out.

Slither listened. Social interactions were far more complicated than they were as an animal. It was a slippery thing to grasp. Looking good seemed to be both a display of hierarchy as well as showing fitness. And it wasn't enough to be clean and healthy if the fashionista were to be believed. There was a need for certain looks and scents that seemed overly complicated and changed with the seasons or even day to day.

The trio arrived at Vanity's house and the mirror laden walls proved distracting to both of the new smurfs. The dapper smurf turned to his guests with a gleam in his eye.

"First, let's smurf colors." He began.

By the time the lunch bell rang, Maple was sure she'd had quite enough of style. She had to admit, she looked good; but she'd been dressed, undressed, and redressed. She'd been pulled around to a number of houses in the village; then had her frizzy hair smoothed and shoes made and one long bath after she'd made a complete mess out of herself out of spite. And that smug snake Slither hadn't had to put up with half of what she'd put with!

Slither wished the pants he currently wore were a more earthy tone. Green or perhaps a nice brown like his scales used to be. Vanity assured him he 'looked almost as smurfy' as himself, but to the former serpent it was difficult to tell. He wasn't used to telling this species apart, most looked very similar. They probably couldn't tell snakes of the same species apart either, he was sure.

Released from Vanity's mercies, the pair of new smurfs found their way to the village center. There tables were sat with food being brought out while last minute decorations and adjustments were completed. It reminded the two former animals of a busy nest of ants.

The ex-serpent turned ask the smurfette what she wanted to do but found her nearly running to the food tables. He sighed. Time to try to keep the squirrel out of trouble. Again.

**00000**

The arrow smacked into the ground beside the dove and the bird took wing in a panic. Yards away Huntress huffed a breath in frustration.

"Next time, we hunt it my way." The former feline grumbled. Maybe she should just wound the next animal they come across, teach the bowsmurf like a kitten.

Hunter looked away, a mixture of anger and embarrassment fouling his mood further.

"Hunter is actually the smurfiest archer I've ever smurfed." Tracker started, trying to curb what he figured would become an argument or at least hurt feelings.

The former feline looked dubious. "Really?"

The woodsmurf grinned. He looked around. "Hunter, smurf that old wasp gall there?" It was a small round ball near the top of a nearby oak. Had the distance been scaled to human size, it would have been about a kilometer away.

"Smurf that down and smurf it before it hits the ground." The bloodhound challenged.

Hunter smiled, realizing the opportunity to prove himself. He pulled an arrow out and with no more time than it took for the smurf to take a breath the arrow flew.

Without waiting for the projectile to hit, the archer notched another and let it fly. He smirked as the first arrow hit the twig and caused the gall to drop. For show, another arrow was launched just as the second hit it's mark dead center in the brown orb.

The third arrow hit the gall off center, making the little ball spin wildly as it landed. The bowsmurf made a face, disappointed at not hitting the exact mark.

Tracker chuckled. "Smurfing off there, mate?"

The smurfette had to remember to close her mouth. "How?" She finally asked.

"My heart often smurfs me from harming anything." Hunter stared at the point he last saw the gall. "I can not smurf myself to aim true, knowing I would smurf an animal."

"Then why not call yourself Archer or something?" The redhead wondered.

The smurf nodded, finally looking at the female. "I was smurfed Hunter long before I taught mysmurf how to smurf a bow. But snares were smurfed too close, it was awful. I thought that perhaps it would be easier to hunt smurfing a bow, it was further away." He laughed nervously. "Though in truth my aim was grusomme... ah, very very unsmurfy at first."

"Hunter's one of the few smurfs who smurf a bit of a disconnect with their name." Tracker interjected.

"I get it. It's because you have to, not because you like it." The former feline thought that was close enough at least. The males seemed to accept that she understood.

"So how often do you bring back something?" Huntress asked curiously as they headed over to retrieve the arrows.

"About every other hunt." The bowsmurf answered as they reached the gall. He pulled out the arrows, examining each from point to fletching before he replaced them in his quiver.

The hunt began anew.

It was midday when the terrain became very familiar to the smurfette. She stopped, ignoring the other two as they quietly left her behind. The feeling of home was strong.

Hunter noticed the change first, signaling the woodsmurf.

"Azzy?" Her mate asked as he approached.

A tumult of confusing emotions had rendered the female silent. It took her a moment to answer. "Could I?" She wasn't sure what she was asking, or why.

The question caught Tracker by surprise. They were near Gargamel's. It occurred to him that she likely wanted to see where her former master had met his end. He nodded, letting her lead the way.

They crossed under shrubs and skirted around the sluggish stream that would eventually end at the slime filled pond. Soon the three smurfs were looking at the lair of the human that had threatened them for nearly four decades.

Hunter nearly grabbed the two as first Huntress, then the woodsmurf left cover to approach the dilapidated building. He made a face, worrying that something might happen, but made no move to follow them.

A fear brought on by his subconscious linking the area to repeated brushes with death made Tracker's heart quicken as he caught up with the redhead.

The former feline stopped at the front step, the smell of magical fire, charred wood, and burned leather still lingered.

She recalled lying in Gargamel's lap as the wizard rocked in front of the fire. It happened fairly often, especially during the winter when the human was less concerned with scheming and more concerned with keeping himself fed and warm. She always felt the most contentment listening to the creak of wood and the crackle from the fireplace.

Just what am I doing here? The smurfette wondered suddenly. She snarled, anger the easiest emotion to grasp. Hands curling like claws, the redhead kicked dirt at the step. Why was she here? Why was she so mad?

"Why?!" She demanded, as if the blast-marked door could answer her.

Arms encircled her from behind and she struggled momentarily before the strength -and anger- left her.

Tracker wasn't quite sure what was going on, but he was sure his mate needed comfort. He didn't speak, just holding the distraught female.

"Why?" Huntress choked out, tears falling.

Both of them jumped when the door was flung open. There stood an aged grey haired woman whose face had very familiar features. She had red eyes as if she'd been crying. The two smurfs froze, for a moment only the distant birdsong of the forest could be heard.

"And just what are you little devils doing here?" The human demanded, crossing her arms.

The former feline tried to back up. Too many times she'd been kicked by the disgruntled woman, or gotten scooped up by her scruff and tossed into the rain barrel. Azzy tripped instead, stepping on Tracker's feet and toppling them both over.

"I'm sorry Mummy- I mean Gargamel's mother! I just..." She stammered, unable to recall the woman's name. She was still unable to articulate just why she'd come or why she'd cried.

Quicker than her age seemed to allow, the woman bent and scooped up the pair.

"If you two are mocking me I'll boil you in oil, starting with just your feet." The elder woman growled.

"I assure you, Madam, we're not. She's Azrael transformed into a smurf, she came to see where... where it all happened." The woodsmurf saw the redhead shrink back in fear and worried that explaining wouldn't do any good.

The human held up Huntress, squinting at her. So that was why the girl one had called her Mummy. Better to make sure, though. "If you're Azrael, then what did Gargy get for his birthday last June?"

"Bat wings." The redhead replied before the trap clicked. "Wait, his birthday is All Hallows Eve, not in June!"

The woman harrumphed. "Well, at least you don't have fleas now." She stared at the two smurfs long enough that a nearby cricket started chirping.

Finally she nodded to herself. "Listen well you little beasts. I'm done with you. Whatever grudge Gargy had with you isn't important. I've got bigger fish to fry. So leave now." She dropped the two. Tracker didn't need to be told twice and pulled his mate into a run for the relative safety of the reeds where Hunter was still hidden.

"But if you ever cause trouble here again, I won't bother with capturing you, I'll kill you as I find you!" The old witch called after them. All three smurfs were sure she would make good on her threat.

The trio fled under the cover of the foliage, putting distance between themselves and the threat until the run down building was well out of sight.

**00000**

"This is fascinating!" Doctor's awed exclamation finally broke the silence of the infirmary. The diagnostic spell appeared to him as a series of floating colors overtop Clumsy's body. Most told him of old injuries, though the smurf's shin was pulsing a bright red. "You've smurfed your leg, Clumsy!"

The klutzy smurf shrugged. "I thought I heard a crackin sound, but I figured it was only the chair smurfin." His leg hurt, but with the amount of bruises, bumps, and other injuries he'd compiled over his life, the smurf had built up quite a tolerance to pain.

"This'll be a good as time as any to try and teach ya the first healin spell then." Medic chimed in from Clumsy's other side.

"The first? I thought you smurfed you only knew one healing spell." The physician said.

"I do, it's all the same spell, but there's..." She trailed off, trying to articulate something that she understood in practice. "It's like using a tool three different ways. It's the same tool, but you can do different things with it. The power words I learned for the Salutem spell are Contrarium, Tempus, and Omnino. The easiest one to learn is the healing by reversal spell. That's Contrarium. It just puts things back the way they were."

"Wouldn't that be the only smurf you'd need?" Even as he said it, Doctor was trying to think of reasons why other methods would be needed.

"Well, say yer hiking an yer breakin in new boots an get blisters. If ya pull those back yer just gonna get blisters all over again. Or if somebody does a workout and gets sore, healin 'em with the reversal spell is just gonna mean they wasted their time tryin to build muscle." The smurfette explained.

"So if something was smurfed off, like you did to your finger..." Dabbler prompted, following along.

"It'd only work if ya still had the bit that got cut off. To regrow something ya'd need Omnio. Tempus would only speed the natural healin process and that'd leave ya with a stump." The female cast a pain reducing spell on their patient. To her, the diagnostic spell had a myriad of words hovering above Clumsy, explaining the various injuries the smurf was enduring or had endured. She had only to focus on another aspect, like his magic, to see that instead. Clumsy's well was at his heart. The female made a hum of interest at what the smurf's magic was doing.

"Doctor, look at his magic." She watched the light blue energy as it flowed from his heart and circled around the area of the break.

"How are you smurfing that, Clumsy?" The physician asked. The break was healing! It was slower than one of Medic's spells, but faster than it could have healed on it's own.

"Smurfin' what?" The klutzy smurf asked worriedly. Was he doing something wrong somehow?

"You're healing yourself." Dabbler explained. "Do you know how you're smurfing it?"

"I didn't even know I was smurfin it!" The injured smurf replied cheerfully.

"This might be tricky. Donno how yer magic is gonna react to this spell." The healer stared at the break for a moment, thinking. His magic hadn't seemed to react badly to the pain reducing spell, but she wasn't sure if trying to reverse the damage would agree with the smurf when his own magic was speeding recovery.

"Maybe you should smurf the one that speeds up healing, like his own magic is smurfing." The physician suggested.

Medic nodded. "Yeah, last thing I need is some kinda funky magical reaction. We'll practice later, ya gonna watch?" At the other doctor's affirmative, the smurfette cast the healing spell. Her own magic wove into the wound -she pictured it much like threads stitching things together- and assisted in the healing with Clumsy's magic. As if encouraged, the smurf's magic worked faster. Soon the fracture was fully healed.

"Gee, thanks!" The accident-prone smurf gave his leg a few test movements. A knock on the door distracted all three smurfs.

Doctor glanced at his female co-worker with amusement. "Might as well smurf it, I'm sure it's for you."

The former dryad made an annoyed noise, looking resigned. "I swear, I'll be glad when all this nonsense is done'n over with." There were often visitors to the infirmary of smurfs acting on their spring fever, but since the party was announced Medic was sure at least half the village had asked. A few of them were clever enough to ask if she already had a date first, but she'd actually had to argue with Surfer because she wasn't going to 'dump the chump' as he so rudely put it. He at least had the presence of mind to apologize afterwards.

She opened the door, saw the flowers in Poet's hand, and didn't give the smurf a chance to talk. "Look, I'm flattered an' all, but I'm already goin to tha party with Greedy."

The bard looked surprised. "Oh, no, no. I'm smurfing for Smurfette."

It was the female's turn to be surprised. "Ah-sorry." She shook her head as she thought. "I ain't seen her since we were all at breakfast." The brown haired female leaned back, looking at the only patient in the room. "Clumsy, ya seen Smurfette?"

"Not since breakfast." The klutzy smurf replied, hopping off of the bed.

"She's probably smurfing around getting ready for tonight." Doctor speculated.

Clumsy nodded before he approached the pair at the door. "I could help ya look, Poet. Then ya'd smurf her twice as fast."

The writer smiled. "That's very smurfy of you, Clumsy." Together the two smurfs left the infirmary.

**00000**

Clumsy had agreed that if he found Smurfette, he'd tell her to meet Poet at the well. The bard had only to check back at the village center periodically in his own search to see if his fellow searcher had had any luck. He checked the female's house again, but she still wasn't home.

He glanced down at the flowers, hoping they wouldn't start drooping before he found her. Perhaps he should stop by Potter's and get a vase. He filed that option away for later. The most important bit of his gift to the blond was tucked away under his hat. He'd written her a poem. It wasn't something extravagant, but he was certain she'd love it.

"Hey Poet!" Clumsy's voice was followed by a short cry as the smurf crashed into him. The two tumbled end over end for a few flips until Poet landed finally on his back with the accident prone smurf under him.

"Sorry Poet." The smurf under him apologized sheepishly.

The bard pulled himself up off of his brother, examining the bent and squashed flowers before giving them up and tossing them to the ground with a sigh. "It's alright, Clumsy. What's smurfing on?"

"Oh yeah!" The klutz said as he picked himself up. "I heard from Nosey that he overheard Smurfette smurfed ta meet Hefty over at the Great Oak. She's probably there righ' now!" He guiltily eyed the flowers on the ground. "I could smurf ya some more flowers if ya like."

"Oh no, it's smurfy. I still have this." He pulled the rolled up parchment from his hat. "Thank you, Clumsy. I'll smurf over there now." He waved as he rushed off, heading out of the village. With any luck, he'd run across some flowers on the way to replace his bouquet. It occurred to him that Hefty may be meeting her to ask her to the party. He broke into a run.

It wasn't long before the writer spotted the oak. He didn't see any blue or white on the side facing him, so he kept running, approaching and jumping over the large roots at the base of the tree.

He almost jumped on top of Smurfette and Hefty. He didn't register the startled squawk from the tattooed smurf or the gasp of the blond. His mind had frozen at the sight of the duo kissing. It was a far more intimate kiss than he'd ever seen the florist give to anysmurf. They didn't pull away from each other for a moment.

He was seeing things. Surely.

Please.

"Smurfette?" Poet wasn't sure how he found his voice to speak. The two smurfs before him shared a look. He wasn't sure the context but it filled him with dread.

"Poet... I'm sorry." She began, those beautiful blue eyes had him captured. He couldn't look away from what he feared was coming.

"You've. You've chosen?" Oh Father Time, no; he begged silently.

She glanced at the ground. It was a guilty look, part of his mind told him that she shouldn't feel guilty about love. A larger more jealous part told that bit to shut up.

"It was always Hefty." She said as she looked back up at him.

The words, her eyes! Poet rocked backwards as if the muscled smurf had struck him. "I see." He mumbled, turned, then ran. He wouldn't realize he'd dropped his scroll until later.

"Oh, Poet." Smurfette glanced back at Hefty. It was hard to see the writer in such a state. She wanted to run after him, apologize again, but she wasn't sure if it would do any good. The bard was one of a handful of smurfs that pursued her outside of spring. She picked up the gift and unrolled the parchment.

_Eyes of sapphire and golden hair,_  
_My love for you cannot compare!_  
_Glorious beauty, oh maiden true blue,_  
_Please say that I'm the only one for you._  
_At least say that I'll have tonight,_  
_To bask in your beauteous light._  
_Let tonight be one of smurfy romance,_  
_when we go together to the dance._

"Oh, Poet." The florist sighed sadly. Why was this so hard?

**00000**

Lunch was technically the final meal that day, though there would be tables of food served at the party. That meant that there was still work to be done in the kitchen. The four smurfs were hard at work preparing the food most of the others would take for granted.

Greedy loved to make desserts. Out of the smurfs that made up the kitchen crowd, he was the best at all things sweet. Chef often pointed out that it showed. The plump smurf was humming cheerfully as he put the finishing touches on a five layer cake. In just a few more minutes the first half dozen pies would be ready to come out of the large oven, and then he'd start on cupcakes. His mind wandered again, back to kisses by the waterfall. He sighed happily.

"Greedy?" Baker's query pulled the bib wearing smurf back to the present. He'd been drawing hearts with icing on the cake. Oh, well. That wasn't so bad.

The pies!

The sweet-toothed smurf rushed over to the large oven, leaving Baker to shake his head.

"He hee!" Fryer laughed, slicing tomatoes for the salad spread. "He smurfed it so bad!"

The pastry smurf shook his head again. "So do you think those other smurfs will smurf?" The other two smurfs at the central worktable didn't seem to mind the sudden topic change.

"Hard to tell," Fryer shrugged, "dey seem to smurf a bit meaner den us, yeah?" He picked up another tomato. "Mebbe it better if dey don't smurf up. Could smurf trouble oderwise."

"I'm sure Papa will be able to handle anything that smurfs up." Chef said confidently. The head cook was turning a crank on an automatic nut cracker.

"Brainy been smurfin dat dey look just like us too. Said he smurfed some very familiar faces when dey smurfed to the other village to get Camper and Traveler. The frycook held his knife aloft, moving it as he spoke. "Mais, what if we are 'xactly de same?"

Chef looked confused. "But we wouldn't smurf other smurfs for nothing like that." Greedy brought his cupcake supplies close enough to join in the conversation.

Fryer emphatically shook his head. "Cho! Not like dat." He realized he was waving the knife and put it down. "What if dere are villages all over de world with dere own Papa, dere own Handy, or Chef, or Tailor? We got smurfed here by stork, mebbe we de same dat way."

"That smurfs like something Suspicious would come up with." The head cook laughed.

"Nah, he'd smurf it was some unsmurfy experiment by the human mages." Greedy pointed out as he added sugar to his mixing bowl.

"There would be one way to check." Baker said thoughtfully, "We would be the only village to have Smurfette, Vexy, Hackus, Medic, and the other three."

"Any village would smurf at least some smurfs who do similar things. They'd need cooks and carpenters and a leader." Chef pointed out. "It may smurf a coincidence and Brainy may be exaggerating." They were going on the information the bespectacled smurf was spouting off and he had jumped to conclusions before. Other than the other smurfs agreeing that Papa and Chief looked identical, the smurfs who'd seen the grey clad smurfs hadn't been looking for similarities in their shock.

"Knock knock!" The four smurfs looked at the door as Medic walked in. "Ya'll need any help?"

Greedy almost dropped his mixing bowl. "That's very smurfy of you!"

The head cook had a bemused expression as the female approached. "And nothing about smurfing time with your smurffriend, no?"

The healer's cheeks colored. "A lil bit of that too." She admitted.

Greedy blushed as well, pouring the cupcake mix into the first of four pans. He made sure to pay attention and not overfill the cups.

"Any help is always smurfy." Chef smiled. "Have you cooked very much?"

"Well, not in tha past decade." The female confessed. "But as a kid I'd help out my Ma."

The plump smurf finished pouring the batter and took the first two pans over to the oven. "Could you smurf those two pans for me?" The other three smurfs looked thoughtful as they tried to guess a job for the smurfette to do that wasn't too difficult.

Fryer was the first to speak up. "You could smurf dose carrots, cherie." He asked as the duo returned to the central workspace. That would free him up to help Baker with the fried smurfberry fritters.

"Sure." Medic was shown the carrots and handed a chef's knife and the five smurfs began working. Greedy started on icing for the cupcakes, planning on making enough of the little treats to give every smurf at least two. Baker handed half of the prepared dough to Fryer and the two cooks filled small half circles with smurfberries.

Chef winced at the 'tak, tak, tak' sound healer made as she slowly cut the carrots. So slowly. It grated on his nerves until he had to stop cranking the nutcracker. The only thing good he could say about the female's technique was that she wasn't trying to use her thumb against the carrot to cut it.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" The head cook had finally had enough. "You're smurfing that all wrong! Rock the blade and smurf your fingers."

At the brunette's confused expression, the plump smurf put down his mixing bowl. "Here Medic, I'll smurf you how." He rounded the large central table and got behind his smurffriend.

"Smurf your fingers like this." He reached around her, curling her fingers into a loose fist guiding the carrot towards the blade. "Now with your other hand smurf the blade like this, keep your fingers smurfing it on that side." With expert motions, the bib wearing smurf rocked the blade with his hand over hers.

The former dryad struggled to keep her mind on the demonstration. With the smurf's arms encircling her and his chest pressed lightly to her back, her mind had flown off into an entirely different set of thoughts. The rocking motion in particular was fraying her self-control.

"See? Easy as smurf." Greedy glanced at the smurfette's face to see if she'd understood and only saw her staring at their hands. "Medic?" He let go of her hands and stepped to the side to look at her directly.

"Ah. Yeah. Easy." The motion snapped the healer from her trance and she smiled at the plump smurf. "Thanks, darlin." Oblivious to what had gone on in her mind, the bib wearing smurf headed back to his mixing bowl smiling all the while.

The five smurfs worked until the sun was low on the horizon, finally finishing up laying the food out with barely enough time clean themselves up for the upcoming event.

**00000**

The party had started slowly, smurfs trickling in from their various pursuits and mingling as the more musically inclined smurfs set up for (and argued over) their order of performance and just what they'd be playing. Once the music started and smurfs started dancing, the party was in full swing.

Vexy was getting used to the way parties played out in the village. After all, most of the time they found a reason to have at least one party in a month's time. It was likely Party Planner's efforts that kept the festivities going. Rarely did the blue folk feel comfortable enough to indulge in even the mildest types of parties she'd experienced with the goblins under Paris. This time though, it seemed that someone had spiked at least one of the punch bowls.

All they needed now was some death metal and a mosh pit and she'd show them how a former naughtie partied!

That reminded her, she needed to talk to the musicians. Normally the songs played were jaunty or fast paced tunes meant for lively dancing. The smurfette wanted a few slow songs tossed in. For reasons.

A ripple of excitement made it's way through the crowd, smurfs growing quiet and gesturing towards the east side of the village. Over the bridge came a large group of grey clad smurfs. Vexy stopped to stare with the rest of them, surprised to see so many strangers of her kind.

"Dude!" Surfer seemed to sum up the mood, his awestruck exclamation seemed to start the rest of the smurfs talking. The noise level rose as Papa headed over to meet a smurf in black that looked just like him.

Better to make her request now, the former naughtie decided and started again to the stage. It seemed DJ had won the honor of playing first. The musical smurf had his band assembled, the smurfs tuning their instruments in preparation for playing.

"Hey girl!" The head musician greeted. "Got any requests?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. Know any slow dance songs?" The tinkerer countered with a smile.

The assembled smurfs suggested several 'smurfonies' and Vexy longed for her ipod. Eventually they agreed on a slow waltz and a few other promising sounding songs. Thanking them, the dark haired female left to hunt down a certain grumpy smurf.

The crowd noise was too loud to call out for her boyfriend and it would only get louder once the band started playing. They really should have agreed on a place to meet, she mused.

A grey clad smurf bumped into her and she was nearly knocked onto her tail. "Watch it!" The foreign smurf snarled and continued on his way.

"Rude much?" The former naughtie called after him. The nerve of the guy! Behind her the band started up. Shaking her head, she continued her search.

The longer Vexy looked, the more agitated she became. Where was Grouchy? He hadn't ditched the party (and her) had he? After four songs a slow waltz began. She headed towards where the smurfs were dancing. Maybe he was moving around and searching for her and they were missing each other. The slow song was still playing as she finished weaving her way through the crowd. Smurfs were clustered thickly around the dance floor that had been carefully assembled, watching the pairs of smurfs slowly spinning with each other.

The dark haired female's anger cleared up for a moment when she spotted Smurfette dancing with Hefty. So her big sister had finally taken her advice. It was good to see the blond so happy. Figuring it'd be good to wait around the dance floor for a bit, she alternated looking at the dancers and scanning the crowd.

Vanity and Mirror were performing a proper waltz, both smurfs moving with measured elegance. It struck the former naughtie that those two would absolutely _adore_ the tango. She'd have to introduce them to the dance sometime.

Still no Grouchy.

The song picked up tempo slightly and a short shout heralded two smurfs falling to the floor. Medic looked abashed, her face flushing with embarrassment. Either that or Greedy was a bit too heavy on top of her. The smurfette returned to scanning the crowd only to look at the dance floor again when a smurf near her gasped. The couple on the floor were kissing. Vexy smirked. You'd think they were screwing on the dance floor the way some of the crowd looked scandalized. It was one of the many ways life in the village was alien when compared to life in the modern era. Especially TV.

That reminded her that she was missing the newest season of Dr. Who. She scowled. No Grouchy and no Doctor! What a night!

The waltz finally ended and a more lively song began. Smurfs began to move back onto the dance floor and it was quickly apparent that scanning the crowd was no longer an option. Maybe if she got somewhere high... moving against the flow of the crowd wanting to dance, the dark clad female judged where the most traffic happened to be and picked out a house.

With a running jump the former naughtie sprang onto the lowest portion of the false mushroom roof, staying crouched so she wouldn't lose her footing on the steeper portion of the slope. It took a little maneuvering, but finally she sat down overlooking the milling smurfs. The food tables were to her left and the dance floor to her right. The amusements were farther off, but she figured Grouchy would get hungry or thirsty at some point.

From her vantage point, she could see that the greys weren't exactly mingling with her adopted family. The strange smurfs moved together in small groups of three or so, but it was what happened in their wake that made Vexy narrow her eyes. White clad smurfs were being tripped or shoved, in one case it looked like a shouting match was being held between two pairs of smurfs. Ah, that hat. If that was Slouchy, then the one doing the yelling was likely Snappy.

She wondered if Papa was aware that their guests were behaving badly.

The sun fully set and the lanterns cast a cheery glow on the village. The light didn't improve the foreigner's attitudes, if anything things became worse now that there were more shadows to hide in.

A pained yell came from the food tables. One of the tables had been cleared of food and a plump grey smurf was walking off with a slice of cake. Greedy held his hand cradled close to his body. Was that blood?! The dark haired female stood and jumped down from the roof.

"He bit me!" Came Greedy's angry shout. Smurfs were gathering and glaring after the aggressive foreigner as she approached.

"Somesmurf find Dabbler." One suggested.

"What about Medic, where'd she smurf to?" Asked another.

"She went to go smurf her nose." Greedy answered, using his bib to try and stop the bleeding.

"What was that all about?" Vexy asked. She noticed a few smurfs heading off with scowls. There was definitely trouble brewing.

"He smurfed that all the food was his." The plump smurf grimaced at his hand. "I tried to smurf him to share, but he wouldn't listen."

"This isn't good." Were these other smurfs just that horrible or were they trying to start something? Vexy raised her hands, attracting attention. "Listen up! I've seen these other smurfs shoving us and picking fights. They might be trying to start some kind of trouble, so don't buy into it and don't go anywhere alone. Spread the word."

Several smurfs nodded, and a large chunk of the group left in twos and threes. Medic reappeared through the thinning crowd.

"Oh!" The healer gasped. "What on earth happened darlin?!" She rushed to the injured smurf and took his hand, healing him as he repeated his story.

Vexy was now worried. As hotheaded as Grouchy was, if he'd been cornered somewhere and provoked... She started stopping white clad smurfs and asking them if they'd seen the ornery smurf.

Ahead of her a scuffle had broke out and she ran towards it. Jokey was on the ground, his eye swelling, and an open joke box at his feet. Instead of the usual soot the box had a large spring-loaded boxing glove sticking out of it.

More alarming than that, a red-eyed Alchemist had a grey smurf held against one of the houses and the strange smurf was still laughing. The potioneer pulled back his fist but hesitated, looking startled.

"Alchemist, no!" The former naughtie called out, rushing in and grabbing the smurf's arm. His only response was an feral snarl at her. The grey smurf kept laughing.

Jokey seemed to appear by her side and together they pulled the navy clad smurf away from the cackling creep. Even after the dark haired smurfette had let go the prankster kept his smurffriend in a tight embrace.

The potioneer had calmed down enough for his eyes to return to normal. It was an inner fight where he had to shove his dragon-half back into a sort of mental box that kept the creature at bay. He looked at his smurffriend with a bewildered expression.

"It's nothing I haven't smurfed before." The prankster said jovially.

"It's not that." Alchemist breathed. "That smurf, his eyes were just like yours!" They both looked at the place where the grey smurf disappeared into the crowd.

Sounds of fighting could be heard from the crowd gathering. The groups of smurfs seemed to be separated by color of their clothes, the grey clad smurfs smirking at the glares of their white clad cousins. It wasn't the only full out fight that had broken out either. There were two other clusters that looked to be surrounding smurfs engaging in fisticuffs.

"Everysmurf **STOP**!" It was Papa, his voice rang out from the bandstand and held an edge of steel in it that showed his displeasure. The crowd quieted, smurfs breaking up the fights (Vexy bet those doing the breaking up were wearing white) until only the sounds of the night could be heard.

"I'm ashamed of you, my little smurfs! This is a very unsmurfy way to act. We have guests and you're smurfing fights? For shame! I think with such behavior the party will be ending early tonight."

"But Papa!" One of the smurfs started. It seemed to encourage the others to start complaining.

"They started it!"

"I was smurfed to the ground!"

"They're the unsmurfy ones!"

More cries joined in the initial ones until the protesting was a din of noise. Even the foreign smurfs were joining in, protesting their innocence.

"Quiet!" The elder shouted into the microphone. The noise slowly ebbed away. "It does not matter which smurf starts a fight, fighting like this is very unsmurfy! You all should smurf better than this, especially with company." The red clad smurf watched Chief approach. The dark elder spoke but the microphone didn't pick it up.

It was obvious what the foreign leader wanted when he held out his hand. Papa obliged and handed over the magical device. "My smurfs. It's time to leave."

A chorus of "Yes Chief" rose up from the strange smurfs, then they began to make their way back towards the bridge. A few grabbed lanterns to light the way, the glow becoming eerie as the lights became small glowing orbs. The red eyed elder handed the microphone back and said something else to their leader. It was likely a farewell because afterward the other smurf joined his villagers in their trek.

The white clad smurfs slowly headed towards their own homes, though many had to see the medical smurfs in order to get small scrapes or bruises treated.

Vexy spotted her older sister making her way over to Medic. Her hair was in complete disarray and her hat was missing.

The former naughtie scowled as she approached. "They didn't attack you did they?" The two headed towards the healers. The crowd was thinning rapidly as they walked.

"Humph!" The blond huffed, trying in vain to fix her hair. "If Papa hadn't told us to stop, I'd have smurfed that witch back in her place!" She growled. "Oooh! Those grey smurfs are so unsmurfy!"

The dark haired female looked at the florist, surprised. "You started the fight?"

Smurfette lost all of her bluster. "She smurfed all of these awful things, it made me so mad. I just lost my smurf." The blond pointed to where Dabbler was applying a paste to Hefty's cheek. "We both lost our smurf."

"Have you seen Grouchy?" The tinkerer asked. They were close enough that the smurfs at the empty food table heard her question. Hefty frowned.

"Not since the party smurfed up." The elder sister answered. "Oh no, what if they smurfed him?" Greedy and Medic shared a worried look.

"We should smurf the microphone and see if he'll smurf up when we call for him." Jokey suggested, rubbing his now healed eye.

"If he doesn't answer, we'll smurf up a search party." Smurfette assured her younger sister.

As though their concern summoned him, the village grump strode into view from the direction of the bandstand.

"Well that's a relief." Greedy sighed. The six smurfs watched Vexy run to her smurffriend. After a few moments of farewells, three pairs of smurfs headed off for the night.

The dark haired smurfette had nearly flung herself at the grouch, surprising him with an embrace that he returned wholeheartedly. For his part, the grump didn't even seem to mind the attention from the few smurfs left in the area.

"Where have you been?" They both asked in stereo once they pulled back.

Grouchy looked confused. "What do you mean? You smurfed you'd be right back and never showed."

"What?" The female countered. Had she said that before the party? "I looked for you everywhere once the party started. Was I supposed to pick you up?"

"Not then." The ornery smurf said irritably. "You smurfed that after we... after we... well you know!"

Vexy frowned. "No I don't know. What are you talking about?"

The grump scowled. "If this is some kind of prank, it's as stupid as one of Jokey's smurfs."

"This isn't a joke!" The tinkerer snapped. "You're the one who ditched me, why are you getting mad?"

"Ditched you? What? You're not smurfing any sense!" Grouchy crossed his arms, glaring.

"I'm not making sense?!" The dark haired smurfette shouted. Her mind snapped to a conclusion. He probably didn't want to come to the party at all and procrastinated until it was over. "What is wrong with you?" She pointed at him accusingly. "If you wanted to blow off the party you should've just told me!"

"But! You. And me. We... AGH!" The ornery smurf threw up his hands in defeat. Then he crossed his arms again, glaring at her. "Fine. If you wanna act like you've flipped your smurf then go ahead. I'm smurfing to bed."

Hurt and outrage warred for the forefront of Vexy's mind. "What?!" She settled for outrage. "**FINE**! Maybe next time I'll just ask somesmurf else to the dance, you ass!"

The two smurfs stormed away from each other, leaving the village center empty.


	23. SF Side Series: First Days 05

**Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**A/N: It's been over a year! Holy smokes! I've been going back over the story in it's entirety and editing a bit. Mostly it's just small mistakes/misspells I've corrected, though there's been three edits that are bigger.**

**-I've altered the 'Papa's mama gets swept away' story that was mentioned in the first chapter. I've found it distressingly close to what was hinted at in Lady Raven's **_**The Smurfette Village **_**(If you haven't read it, go read it and it's sequels, it's a good read! s/1898649/1/The-Smurfette-Village ). That has been changed to be her being kidnapped by a 'strange shadowy bird' which fits into my narrative much better. *Evil grin***

**-Jokey broke canon. He was at Gargamel's during the battle and at the village during the battle. Sneaky little prankster. That's been corrected and he's no longer at the village. XD**

**-Clever was still a female during the whole 'oops I dropped the bottle' scene. I bet she thought I wouldn't notice. :V That's been corrected.**

**This chapter ran long. That's what I get for listening to Flogging Molly and writing fight scenes. And now, with the end of this chapter, the First Days arc is done. The second Grey Smurfs arc will begin and alternating chapters will continue after the next regular chapter. I'm thinking of calling it Dark Days.**

**Reviews: Lac Lausanne- Mummy is becoming an interesting character for me in just thinking about what motivates her and what her life is/was like. Any mother worth the word would be upset at their child's demise, but with Mummy, I think she'd also be plotting something BIG for revenge. :)**

*****Extra Warning for First Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warnings for: Violence, explicit sex (m/f)**

**Smurfs Forever Side Series: First Days 05**

Clever slunk out of Chief's house. It was a tense bit of work to try and get spellwork done while worried that she'd get caught at any moment. But she managed.

All the more evidence that she should lead of course. Working well under pressure was one of the many traits that made a good leader. Traits that she possessed.

The glasses wearing female spotted their black clad leader approaching. She nodded as they passed each other. She didn't see the other smurf stop short and spin around looking at her in disbelief.

"Stop!" But Clever did hear the order from her leader. Dread filled her. Did he somehow know already? The bespectacled redhead turned.

"Yes, Chief?" It was hard to keep the worry from her voice. He didn't speak until he was within arm's reach. The magic worked to keep her rooted to the spot even though she wanted to back up.

"How did you turn into a smurfette?" Chief asked in surprise.

The egotistical female stared at him for a moment. Did he only notice now?! "Comic smurfed a few dozen of us with a potion. There are 26 smurfs that have been smurfed."

The old smurf huffed. It was like herding cats, keeping up with these clones. For a moment he felt pity for his red-clad rival. Only a moment, then came the glee that the fool had to deal with this insanity every day and be -nice- about it.

The elder scratched at his beard. "Twenty six… Is there a way to change all of you back?"

"Yes. We'll smurf the cure tonight and be back to normal by morning." Clever was sure that Chief would punish the prankster. After all this was a very unsmurfy prank that-

"Give that one two demerits. Anything else?" The leader looked at the female as if she was an interesting insect.

Clever sputtered a moment. Only two demerits?! "Nothing, Chief." She said quickly when the leader's stare turned into a scowl. Instead of speaking again, the bearded smurf made a shooing motion and started again for his house. The action was enough to free the intellectual from the previous command.

She had to free herself. One careless command and her very life could be forfeit! Going over the elder's books in his house was out. The clone grinned. She knew of another way to access those books.

The redhead turned and started to the house that also acted like an archive. She knocked and waited. Soon enough she heard footsteps, of course a fellow bibliophile wouldn't be so plebian as to participate in fighting.

The librarian answered the door, blinking in the light of the sun. "Hello, Clever. What smurfs you here?"

"I'd like to smurf the copies of Chief's books." The intellect started. "He's far too busy smurfing them for me to intrude upon his time."

"Hm." Scribe motioned for the smurfette to follow him. He picked up a lantern from the table and lead the way past a desk and a door to a modest bedroom. The rest of the house was an arrangement of shelves. None of the space was wasted, even the steps that climbed up to the second story held recesses for books.

They rounded a honeycombed shelf stocked with scrolls of poetry and descended into the basement. It was a good environment for storing books; cool, dark, and dry. Clever wondered if the enchantments on this room were still in effect to protect the basement from flooding. Shelves and shelves aligned in neat rows were all she could see.

They turned left and the archivist held up the lantern. "All of this shelf to the wall." He paused. "No casting spells while you're smurfing in here, remember. I have quills and ink and paper upstairs." With that, the smurf carefully placed the lantern on a hook above their heads and walked into the darkness. Moments later his footsteps could be heard heading up the stairs.

Clever barely noticed. Once given free run of the shelves she selected a promising volume from memory and started reading.

**00000**

Most of the clones had turned out for the training after the excitement was over at the south gate. Warrior had explained that experience was the best teacher and started drawing straws with matched colors on the bottom to see who would train.

Maddy made jokes about not talking about fight club. Only Brutus laughed at the reference.

The premise was simple. Two smurfs fought until one gave up or was knocked out. Then Surgery and Physician would patch them up and it was on to the next fight. The 'guest of honor' was Comic, who would be facing whichever smurf had managed to outlast a bracket of three other fights. Those not chosen would get another chance after dinner. The prankster didn't look forward to having to fight twice in one day.

"Look on tha bright side. Whoever fights ya has to fight three other times before you face 'em once." Surgery pointed out from her seat on a rock. Physician was beside her, looking annoyed. How much of that was annoyance that smurfs might get hurt and how much was annoyance at being denied his own entertainment was only known to him.

There were few smurfs that had been genderswapped brave enough to try and fight in their changed bodies, though it was likely there would be a huge influx of eager participants tomorrow after they'd been changed back.

Warrior hopped up on a rock. "Tha fighters have been smurfed! For tha first smurf we have Forge and Azrael!" The genderswapped opponents walked into the center of the loose circle of stones that made up the fighting ring. Clones perched on the stones, watching in anticipation.

The two smurfs circled each other slowly, both looking confidant.

"Smurf then kot." The blacksmith beckoned with her hand. Her low voice seemed to travel well in the expectant quiet of the crowd.

"You're pretty cocky for a smurf I've never heard of." Azrael chuckled. After a moment the smurf sprang at the female.

Instead of dodging like the cat-clone expected, Forge reared back and threw a punch at the oncoming smurf. Cartilage crunched as the male took the full force of both his abrupt stop and the surprisingly strong female's hit to his face.

The blacksmith smirked as her opponent dropped to the ground, yowling. "There is reason you do not smurf me, kot. I smurf time at forge, hammering." She started to approach the downed smurf. "All day long, hammering." The coal-haired female chuckled. "Will hammer kot as well!"

Azrael had to scramble backwards to avoid another blow aimed at his head, he realized his opponent was trying to end things quickly. If he could get in close without getting hit he knew he could end things. After all, as a feline, he'd killed. He doubted this 'hammer everything' smurf had ever done that!

Back on his feet, the hunter had to dodge the oncoming smurfette. He bent to the side, turning with feline grace as Forge staggered by. His arm darted out, open palm cuffing the female in the head with enough force to knock her off her feet.

He realized his lack of claws would hamper his usual ability to end this quick. Still, he jumped on his prone foe.

The fight became a scuffle. Both smurfs rolled with each other, trying to gain the upper hand and score as many hits as possible. Somehow the blacksmith wound up on top and she began to rain blows down on the cat-clone.

After several blows made it past defensively raised arms to strike his head, the smurf reached up quickly and dug his thumbs into his opponent's eyes. The punches stopped as the metalworker became more concerned with keeping her eyesight intact.

Forge's strength was still superior and the smurfette was able to pull both of the offending hands away from her face. She pushed the limbs down, pinning Azrael's arms above his head.

With a growl, the hunter curled his legs under the female and kicked upwards. Though he had no claws to rake with, the kicks to the gut did take their toll. His hands were freed as one last kick with both feet sent the blacksmith up and over his head.

The coal haired female lay on her back, winded. Her opponent gave her no chance to recover, flipping to his feet and kicking her in the head. Pain lanced through her ear as she was kicked twice more before she could bring her arms up to help fend off the blows.

She took a chance and grabbed Azrael's foot as he kicked her again. With both hands on the male, she squeezed and began to twist his foot.

The fresh agony had the clone yowling again. He lost his balance while trying to turn with the appendage and fell to the ground. Something snapped and in desperation the hunter kicked out with his uncaptured foot, trying to get away. The blows hit Forge's unprotected head and finally took their toll. The smurfette's grip loosened and the cat-clone scrambled backwards.

The crowd fell silent, looking at the blacksmith. Maddy hopped up on one of the rocks that made up the ring.

"One! Two! Three!" At four the others caught on, keeping up with the female until the count of ten. "That's it! She's out cold! Call it Warrior!"

The scottish clone hopped down into the ring, helping the other smurf onto his feet. He lifted the triumphant smurf's arm. "Tha winner ah this round, Azrael!" The crowd roared.

Medic and Physician jumped down into the pit, making their way over to the smurfette and smurf and starting their work in patching up the combatants. It wasn't long before all the smurfs were out of the ring and was time to call up the next fighters.

Warrior was rather proud of this idea. Not only would he get to fight, he also got to see some pretty thrilling battles. Already he was sure he'd like to try his mettle against both Forge and Azreal. The former cat was a natural fighter and the blacksmith had raw power.

"Nightshade and Snarky!" He called out. Would the florist have volunteered if she were still a female? The scotsmurf scratched his chin. Probably, he decided. In all their adventures, Smurfette was quite capable of keeping up with even himself.

The impulsive male jumped into the stone lined pit, hands already closed into fists. The florist squeezed his mate's hand before joining his opponent. Immediately, Snarky began to circle the genderswapped clone. Nightshade didn't bother moving much, only keeping the other smurf in front of him.

The snappish smurf charged and the fight was on.

Comic didn't like this. It wasn't funny at all. She watched Nightshade spin a kick and catch the Snappy clone in his chest. Above all, watching two smurfs fight was rather boring, she thought. She couldn't sneak off though. Warrior had made it clear that if she did then she'd be battling everysmurf who wanted revenge instead of this 'fair' version of being a prize.

The crowd roared, caught up in the battle below. What had happened? The prankster hadn't been paying attention. Snarky was lying prone again. Heh. The other smurfs thought that most of the surprise presents for Smurfette were sans-explosions because she was sensitive and Jokey had picked up on it.

No, they were duds because smurfettes were crazy.

Comic briefly relived her stolen memories of Smurfette cornering Jokey, her face tear streaked and soot covered. She'd told him that if he'd ever done that to her again she'd make his life a living smurf. Then she stole his hat. His hat! Smurfs shouldn't mess with another smurf's hat!

It'd been a while before he'd decided to test out her threat with another of his joke boxes. The second time she'd not only taken his hat but all the hats at his house. It was worse than the pummelings he'd gotten from the others in their youth. It was psychological. After that she'd found new ways to get back at him. Like the time she did -something- to destabilize his joke boxes and half of them blew up in his face.

It wasn't just Smurfette either. Jokey's first surprise to Vexy had gone as expected with a kaboom and a chase... until he awoke the next morning with his fingers dipped into a bowl of water and his bed embarrassingly wet. He got her back at lunch with extra spicy food. Then she unscrewed the cap off the salt shaker at dinner. Icy water got the dark haired smurfette the next morning as she left her apartment and soaking wet she called a truce. Jokey really should've looked for the joybuzzer. The whole prank war did end there, at least until April Smurf's day.

At least she was the fun kind of crazy. That thought brought the prankster back to the present. Poor Snarky was staggering.

No. Comic wasn't looking forward to the thought of facing anysmurf. The smurf fell after a well placed kick to the gut. He didn't bother getting back up.

"Tha winner, Nightshade!" Came Warrior's call. Drat.

Comic really didn't want to face the florist.

"Ah really don' see why we gotta smurf this." Wrangler grumbled. Rancher had tried to talk him into volunteering but the cowsmurf clone refused. Why, the outdoor crowd were tougher as a whole than most of the others put together! It'd be no contest to prove it.

"Ya never wanted to smurf yourself, mate? Prove we're really top?" Rancher had managed to plait her hair into one long, red braid. "I'd wager you'd be a bit more motivated had Comic smurfed you."

"Now, Rancher and Maddy!"

The aussie clone grinned. "Wish me luck, mate."

Wrangler chuckled. "Good luck, pardner." He watched his friend jump down into the stone lined ring.

It had never occurred to the cowsmurf that he had to test his mettle against the other clones. He was confident that he was good enough to best any of the real smurfs thanks to the marked lack of mercy he felt toward them. Maybe Rancher was just bored. After all, they had no animals to keep up with. Effectively they didn't have any way to do their jobs. He knew it bothered the jackaroo more than he'd -well, she at the moment- would care to admit. That rooster had ultimately given Herder a purpose (and his name), even if the smurf hadn't had any luck breeding another magic egg.

Both combatants were apparently reluctant to throw the first punch. They circled each other for a while, uncaring that the crowd was becoming restless.

"Smurf on already! Or are you as big a chicken as those birds you smurf?" Snarky taunted.

"Rack off, ratbag!" Rancher snapped, not taking her eyes off of Maddy. Snarky's reply was a string of expletives that suddenly cut off when Pensive slapped his friend in the back of the head.

"No fightin in tha crowd!" Warrior shouted. From the looks of the glare the impulsive clone sent at his friend, the scottish grey smurf had guessed his next move correctly.

The sound of a pained grunt turned the crowd's attention back to the fight. Maddy was already retaliating for the punch to the stomach, gripping the redhead's arm and spinning to throw the jackaroo off balance.

Rancher staggered away upon release, she tried to keep away from her opponent but the naughtie clone was right on top of her. The gender swapped smurfette fell face first into the dirt with Maddy landing on her back.

The male pinned the aussie smurf down before grabbing the clone's head and smashing it into the ground. The crowd roared around them with both cheers and angry shouts. The herder clone only knew flashes of pain until blissful darkness enveloped her.

"Didn't think that'd work... like it did in the movie." Maddy panted as he stood up. The two healers ran to tend to the combatants.

"So you're smurfing next." Nightshade put a hand on Stalker's shoulder as she spoke. Beside her, Azrael leaned in protectively.

"Yes." The woodsmurf ventured. What did the smurf want?

"I want to fight Comic." The clone didn't wait for a response. "It's only the two of you and Maddy left, really. If you smurf the fight, I'll make it worth your while.

"How so?" Azrael asked, intrigued. They were already getting the True Blue spell for keeping silent about Wrath.

"Making sure you don't have to smurf guard duty, no patrolling…" He looked at them slyly. "Access to the outside without bothering with checking in."

Now that was tempting. Stalker opened her mouth.

"And if we don't show up for a meeting?" The ex-feline asked.

"Taken care of." Nightshade answered without hesitation. Azrael smiled and nodded.

"Deal." The woodsmurf smiled. There was a reason her opponent wasn't asked.

"Next up! Stalker and Fighter!" Warrior called out.

A chuckle escaped the bloodhound clone. Fighter had to be one of the most pugilistic smurfs alive and nearly as strong as Brawny too. He was also one of the most cocky smurfs, which made it easy to play on his ego. Many of the smurfs had figured it out early on in their youth.

This fight was in the bag. And then to throw her fight with Maddy.

**00000**

"Comic and Nightshade!"

The prankster groaned inwardly. She was sure Stalker and Azrael had lost their last two fights on purpose. That left the two sibling clones to fight and at one point there had been a whispered conversation.

Comic hopped down into the ring. Nightshade had done something to make this happen. The redhead squared her shoulders. Might as well have fun with this then. How to piss the florist off the most?

"You're not going to smurf this again are you?" The male clone asked as he watched the prankster.

Ah, so that was it! The bomber laughed. "Actually, I probably am. It's too funny that everysmurf is losing their smurf over this." She chuckled, ignoring the angry susurration of the crowd. Then she stopped chuckling, looking defiantly at her opponent.

"And no matter how many times you smurf me black and bloody, I'll still smurf it. Because you can't stop me." The smurfette announced loudly before dissolving into laughter.

The crowd became deafening, but the prankster still laughed. These silly clones. She'd have the last laugh! They weren't real after all.

A flash of pain and her laugh turned into a choking cough. Her opponent had had enough and landed a solid hit across her jaw. The pain was real. And blood didn't taste good.

Comic couldn't tell when she'd moved, but she was trading blows with Nightshade and then rolling on the ground. The world was a blur of screams (was she screaming?) and pain and the smells of dust and blood. It was entirely too fast and far too slow. Then she was lying on the ground. How had that happened? The bomber kept her eyes shut. It wouldn't bother her at all to be thought unconscious.

"Smurf up! You're not out yet!" Nightshade growled. When the redhead didn't respond, a sudden pain laced through her ribs. Instinctively the female curled up to protect her belly and head. She opened her eyes to glare.

"Smurf up!" The genderbent smurf ordered again.

Comic coughed, half laughing. "Can't make me." She sing-songed. Something was loose in her mouth and she eased a tooth out of it's socket with her tongue. Her opponent pulled back for another kick.

"Enough!" The kick came despite Warrior's call. Stars flashed in the prankster's vision, pain followed. The female awaited another blow.

The sounds of scuffling in the dirt told her it was safe to open her eyes again. The scotsmurf was holding the florist back.

"Save it." The adventurer began, having to pause due to the other smurf's struggles. "Save it for those other smurfs. If we start smurfin each other like that, lad, we'll nay be effective when the time comes to attack."

The bomber realized the crowd was quiet. Daring a glance up, she saw the clones staring at her. The anger was almost palpable. Wow. She'd gotten to everysmurf with that one! She rolled onto her back, injuries protesting with sharp pains here, throbbing there. It was worth it. Comic reveled in the triumph. Even though she'd lost, she'd won.

Surgery came into view. "Yer crazier than a pig sittin on eggs in a hen house. Ya know that?" Gentle hands cupped the prankster's face and relief washed over her.

"You can spit out that tooth too. I'll regrow ya a fresh one." The dryad clone shook her head. Cracked ribs, busted lip, knocked out tooth with two others cracked, and a myriad of scrapes, cuts, and bruises. The only worse injury had been Azrael's dislocated foot.

Comic held the bicuspid up. "Souvenir?"

The healer snorted. "Teeth ain't my thang." The two were quiet as Surgery worked her magic.

When the redhead finally sat up, the smurfs had mostly left save a cluster of clones around Warrior. It was likely that straws were being drawn for the fights after dinner. Ugh. The bomber was sure the angle she'd used this go round wouldn't work. What else could she try?

Wait!

"How fast do ya smurf it'd take to teach me that knockout spell?" The comedian asked as she stood.

Surgery arched a brow. "That'd depend on how much experience ya had at spellcastin an how fast ya are on the uptake."

"Before dinner?" Comic hedged hopefully.

"Prolly not, 'less yer some kinda prodigy." The healer shook her head.

Drat. "Well, I wanna start learning. I've got a feeling today is just the smurf of it.

The two started toward the edge of the fighting ring.

The dryad clone smiled. "I'm sure we can work somethin out."

**00000**

After dinner the smurfs left to head back to the fighting it. But Nightshade had tapped both Stalker and Azrael on the shoulder. A pointed nod told them to follow her. Together with Brawny the four smurfs made their way to the wall bordering the east side of the village. The light was waning as the genderbent smurf showed the two hunters the gap in the wall. It was hidden by the branches of a large shrub on both sides, due to the construction team not bothering to dig up a large bush. Weaving through the branches, the quartet of smurfs were able to leave the village.

"You'll have to smurf out here for the patrol," The florist said quietly, "But otherwise it's the easiest way to smurf out. We've been using this way to smurf out here to look for ingredients.

"Why not just swipe some of Chief's stuff?" The ex-feline asked.

"We will if it smurfs to that." The genderbent gardener answered. "But it's better to smurf it without anysmurf finding out."

"Makes sense." Stalker mused. "Have you smurfed everything?"

"We need royal jelly and the mimosas haven't bloomed yet." Nightshade shrugged. "We may have to smurf the pollen after all."

"Smurf it to us." The woodsmurf tapped her nose. "If there's mimosa about we'll smurf it before nightfall."

"Speaking of fall," Azrael muttered, "I think there are footfalls heading this way."

The four smurfs bid hasty farewells and split apart. The two hunters darted into the underbrush and the other couple disappeared back through the fence.

"I didn't smurf anysmurf." Stalker whispered to her mate. Unless it was from downwind of them, she looked in that direction.

"Wait for it. The movement is really slow." The feline clone nodded in the same direction.

It took along five minutes, but soon Pensive strolled into view. The slouching smurf looked bored, as usual. He paused at the bush and looked at the ground. The pair tensed in their hiding place, but the patrolling smurf only hummed thoughtfully before moving on.

"He knows someone's out here." Azrael murmured.

"That's the thing about Pensive though." The woodsmurf observed. "He won't smurf a word unless there's danger."

The pair quietly headed away from the village, following their noses.

**00000**

Comic wretched, but her stomach was empty. She'd tried to figure out that spell, but repeated attempts had only ended in frustration. And hunger, since she'd skipped dinner with Surgery to try and learn.

When Warrior finally came to escort the prankster back, the healer had one whispered bit of advice.

"If ya ain't sure about bein' able ta win, make sure they know ya were there. Hurt 'em."

Unfortunately, her opponent was Warrior himself. For every scratch, every hit she landed, he seemed to pay her back double. He'd even coaxed her up once by offering her a free hit. She spat blood. Yeah, not gonna fall for that again.

"I'm done." She muttered. This was a pointless game. Her fists clenched in the dirt.

"Wha was that?" The scottish clone asked. He was content to let her recover, drawing the fight out.

The redhead's eyes narrowed. So why was she playing this game by the rules anyway? She stood slowly, keeping a handful of dirt.

"I smurfed…" She started, then flung her fist out as if to try and hit her opponent. Warrior raised an arm almost casually.

"Surprise!" She flung the dirt at his face. The male wasn't expecting that and was blinded.

Comic wasn't stupid enough to assume that being blind would make the smurf easy to take down. She pulled the spool of ribbon from under her hat and unwound some before tying it off. Then she held the end of the ribbon and swung the wooden spool at her opponent's head.

Warrior had cleared his eyes just in time to see the spool before it hit him. Flashes of light danced in his vision.

"Well. Didna expect tha." The scottish clone growled through the pain. White hot rage coursed through him. The spool came again and he dodged it, trying to catch the makeshift weapon before the comedian pulled it back. They danced for a while like this throwing and dodging. Once he realized the smurfette was content to keep her distance, he rushed her.

The bomber backpedaled, throwing the spool once again. The scotsmurf batted it aside and the last thing she saw was his fist in extreme closeup.

The healers entered the ring as many of the spectators headed off to their homes for the night. The victor of the fight held up his hand at the two.

"Leave 'er." Warrior growled.

Physician looked surprised. "What? Why?"

"Tha lass needs te learn that smurfing enemies in this village has consequences." The injured smurf let out a sigh of relief as Surgery's magic made his injuries disappear.

"I don't think that's the right thing to smurf." The doctor protested. "We have to smurf together or this village will smurf apart. You smurfed as much before lunch."

It was obvious that the redhead had gotten under the scotsmurf's skin. "Tha lass is - what are ye doin?!"

Surgery had knelt beside the other smurfette and was healing her. "I agree with tha doc. Yer just sore she got a few hits in." She watched a large bruise disappear. "'Less yer a hypocrite."

Physician's 'hey!' was her only warning before the smurf picked her up by her shirt. He held her at eye level and glared.

"Smurf her down!" The healer male ordered. He started forward to defend his lover.

"It's fine, hun." Surgery said calmly. "He's just tryin ta intimidate me."

"Yer daft." The scottish clone was certain he could choke the life out of her.

"Maybe ya missed what I did ta Gluttony." The brown haired clone started. "He was asleep before he could land a punch." She smiled a predatory grin. "Where I was before, if ya attacked a nymph yer body was forfeit until she was satisfied."

"Ye wouldn'a smurf me, Chief forbid it." Warrior scoffed. Then the implications dawned on him.

"Not kill. I said body, not life, sweetie." The medic drawled. She failed to see the shock on Physician's face behind her.

The fighter dropped her with a look of disgust. "So ye were a real monster then, smurfing others like tha."

The healer smurfette laughed. "Nymphs make love, not war. Sex is the answer to a lotta things with that mindset."

Warrior was done. Let her spread her perversion away from him, he reasoned. "Smurf what ye will with her then." The scotsmurf stomped away, shaking his head.

Surgery went back to work healing the redhead. "It never fails to amuse me how folks think. It's ok to fight back, even kill in self defense, but turn it into somethin sexual and suddenly yer the bad guy."

Comic groaned, coming back from unconsciousness.

"There we go." The brunette chirped cheerfully. She turned to her fellow healer. He was staring at her. "Care ta come back ta my place fer tha night?" She purred.

"Would you really smurf Warrior if he attacked you?" The doctor asked instead.

"Ah, I'd prolly just tie him up and bend him over somethin." The female shrugged. "No need ta be jealous, hun."

"It's not that, you're smurfing that so casually!" Physician exclaimed, aghast. Comic blinked, sitting up. Just what had she woken up to?

It's what I lived fer ten years. This spring fever bullshit ain't helpin either." Surgery snapped. Indulging wasn't any better than what her 'goody' version was doing either. It was always there, like an itch that couldn't be scratched.

"That's only ten smurfs, it's not that long." The healer male protested.

"To ya'll maybe. I ain't nearly that old. Ten years is a little over a third of my life." Or at least, what her memories supplied. Technically she was only two days old. The medic started to point this out but was interrupted.

"Wouldn't that mean you've got two thirds that aren't smurfed that way?" Both healers looked down at Comic. The prankster stood up.

Surgery looked between the doctor and bomber. "Yer actin like I'm climbin trees and eatin babies. Do ya not realize just what we are?"

Both of the clones looked at her in confusion.

She chuckled. "We were created ta wipe out those other smurfs. Chief doesn't care about us so long as we do what we were created for. Whaddya think'll happen when that's done? Tha same thing that happened t' those revenants that tha mages called up on tha nymphs. We'll get put in tha ground."

The medic took a step toward Physician. "I fer one am gonna enjoy whatever time I've got."

Comic wondered how Chief would react if he dismissed the spell that made up the copied village and discovered the three real smurfs. She wanted to ask, but talking about it would mean cluing the doctor in. But how to get rid of him so they could talk?

The prankster didn't have to intervene, the dabbler clone backed up a step. He'd never thought that he could be dismissed and be gone... It didn't exactly put him in the mood.

"I don't smurf any company right now. Not after smurfing all of that." Physician shook his head.

The brunette didn't look as disappointed as he'd thought she'd be. "Suit yerself."

"So! Now that that's smurfed, who's gonna make sure I smurf back to a smurf?" Comic scooped up her abused spool of ribbon.

"Might as well." Surgery sighed. "Comon." The three smurfs left the ring together, though doctor split from them as soon as they entered the wall. He pointedly didn't look at them as he headed toward his house.

The redhead waited for a bit before starting. "Ya really smurf Chief will desmurf the village?" They passed by darkened houses, the village paths were quiet.

"Yup." The healer didn't look up from the path. "So tha question is what's he gonna do when he does an we're left?"

"If we knew who Chief was we could smurf a better guess at that." The bomber noticed they weren't heading towards the infirmary. "Where are we smurfing?"

"We're makin a pit stop by the kitchen ta see if we can scrounge somethin up." The medic answered.

"Smurfy idea." The comedian approved.

They met Gluttony and Gumbo as they were leaving. The plump smurf stared at the ex-dryad clone.

"We missed dinner, could we smurf up a snack?" Comic asked.

"Mais, I tink dere's a basket of smurfberries you could smurf." The cajun clone held up a finger and headed back into the kitchen.

Surgery wasn't paying attention. She'd sauntered up to the bib wearing grey smurf and leaned into his personal space.

"Hey there, honey." The medic grinned. "Yer lookin cute tanight." It was satisfying to see the dessert cook blush.

Before anything further could be said, the fry cook returned with a basket of smurfberries. Comic wished she could've caught what the healer whispered into Glutony's ear before they left. She was sure it was something interesting by the way the male reddened more. Once at the infirmary, the pair of smurfettes ate and the prankster dosed herself with the potion.

A few minutes later a knock came. Surgery answered, smiling.

**00000**

The horn sounded, once again calling the clones to a morning meeting. Nightshade spotted the two hunters and nodded at them. It was good she didn't have to offer any favors to the mathematician smurf yet.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Brawny. If this meeting was to stop the fights her mate would be very disappointed. He'd declined fighting yesterday, wanting to be in top form which included being in a form he was used to.

Chief stepped up onto the mushroom. The way the crowd immediately quieted and focused on him pleased the elder. He didn't bother double checking attendance this time, so preoccupied was the clone leader with his newest plan.

He raised a hand. "Yesterday the other smurfs discovered our existence. While this greatly displeases me," He glared at a few of the smurfs responsible, "Papa Smurf invited us to a party to be held tonight. At first I thought nothing of it. But the opportunity to plague those wretched pests is too good to pass up!"

He raised a beaker of a bubbling orange liquid. "I've devised a glamour solution that will render us unrecognizable. That means tonight we will be going to their little party." He laughed cruelly. "And I encourage all of you to have **fun**."

The crowd cheered. The clones were energized with the possibilities for causing their originals grief.

"My only rule!" The assembled clones quieted. "Don't kill any of them." The cheers returned.

The assembly broke up at the elder's dismissal. The day's activities went by in a blur of speculation and preparation. The fights were postponed, for which Comic was grateful. He tested his latest joke box on an unsuspecting Clever and had a delightful chase until the intellect tired out. The bespectacled clone wasn't happy about having to visit the infirmary. Less so when he walked in on Surgery and Physician.

"Do you ever stop?!" The glasses wearing clone cried.

"Never!" The female chortled.

The apprentice got his black eye healed and left quickly. He nearly ran into Maddy as he fled. He didn't bother with an apology, only a warning. "Careful, they're probably not smurfing any clothes again in there."

The naughtie clone muttered a thanks. As if her plan wasn't embarrassing enough at this stage! It'd come to her that morning during breakfast. She'd moping about Wrath, thinking about the unfairness that he was gone while her original still had Grouchy. She'd never get to kiss him again, never get to take things to the next level.

That was when it hit her. Grouchy was pretty much Wrath. If she had sex with him she could pretend it was with Wrath, and utterly devastate two smurfs at the same time. The grump would blame himself, push Vexy away, and likely kill the relationship. It was a delightfully evil plan. She just had to take care of one problem.

Which lead her to knocking on the door to the infirmary. There was a muffled voice saying something she couldn't understand, then came a shout of "Just a minute!" She waited.

Within a few minutes, Physician answered the door. "What's smurfened?"

"I just need to talk to Surgery for a few minutes." The dark haired clone said. The door opened wider and she walked in.

A short time later, Maddy left with a jar and a few shreds of her dignity intact. It'd be worth it, she thought.

It'd better be worth it.

Most of the clones in the village waited at the south gate to be dosed with the glamour potion. Those who didn't weren't planning on going. Maddy slipped out of the unguarded west gate without her dose. She ran to the white smurf village. If she hurried, she could reach the village before the grump left his house. She ran until she was out of breath, then walked until she could run again. She was almost ready to walk again when she recognized the area of the barrier. Pushing herself she made it to Grouchy's house. Only then did she pause to catch her breath again. Once she composed herself, the clone knocked on the door. She waited until the silence had her worrying she'd missed him then knocked again.

The door was flung open. "WHA- Oh hey." The ornery smurf's posture relaxed as he tried to play off his rude greeting.

"Hey there tough guy." Her arm twitched with the sudden urge to beat the besotten smirk from his face. Where did that come from?! Her memory quickly supplied the answer, the spell that created her echoing in her mind.

_While they live to cause smurfs grief..._

Well shit. What could she do? This whole plan was to cause the two smurfs all kinds of grief. Would that be enough to let her stay in control of herself?

"Are you smurfy?" The clone's attention turned back to the smurf. His brow was raised, a look of concern on his face.

Maddy smiled, "I just had a thought." The smurfette started forward. "One that I've been having for a while now."

He wrapped his arms around her when she leaned in close. "Some more like this morning?"

She had to hide the scowl that threatened with a wider smile. The brunette slid her hands down to grab the male's rear. "More."

He yelped, surprised. After a moment the grouch mumbled, "You mean..."

"I mean get ready to turn in your V card, tough guy." The naughtie clone said in a feminine growl.

"My wh-" Grouchy was silenced by a kiss. His mind blanked as their tongues intertwined. How he loved this, how he loved her! Something bothered him in the back of his mind. What was it?

"The door." The male broke the kiss as he recalled he hadn't shut it.

Stupid smurf. The clone wanted to yell at him for interrupting them. She'd just forgotten who'd she'd been kissing! In a smooth movement she turned and hooked the door with her foot to slam it closed. The light from the setting sun dimmed, casting the room in red and orange glows.

Turning, she took off her shirt. "Better?"

He made an inarticulate sound somewhere between 'uh' and 'yes'. The smurf couldn't take his eyes off her chest. She started pushing him toward the bed. He backed up along with her, grasping the hands on his chest and tugging her gently down on top of him. They kissed again and she imagined Wrath in his place. A moan escaped her at the thought. Grouchy's head spun as he tried and failed to form coherent thoughts. Caught up in the moment, he reveled in the contact, the sensations.

They tasted each other, rising ardor spurring them on until they had to part for air. The smurf raised his head to kiss again, but the dark haired female had pulled away. She grasped the hem of his pants and started to pull them down.

The alarm pinged once again in the grump's mind. "W-wait! Are you smurf about this?"

She looked at him, annoyed. "I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't." She backed up off of him and pulled off her pants and skirt in one swift motion.

Grouchy's breath caught. His heart beat in staccato. The sight of her completely nude swept away any alarms in a flood of other thoughts.

Maddy used the distraction to wriggle his pants off. She resumed her position, trapping his growing erection between them without looking at it. A ragged moan escaped the male and she silenced him with another kiss. His calloused hands began to roam her body, rough against smooth.

She stilled when his hand found a difference in her skin, his fingers trailing a line from low on her left hip around to her lower back. He made an inquisitive noise and pulled away. The clone's mind raced. What should she say?

He shifted under her, getting a look at the scar that strafed her body. It was thin and light blue. He looked at her with such love and concern her resolve to not attack him almost cracked. How she hated that look. It should have been Wrath looking at her like that.

"What smurfened?" The ornery smurf whispered, as though any louder would injure her.

"I found out the hard way who my friends were…" She relived the stolen memories that lead up to the copied scar. "Just ask me later. Not now." Let Vexy deal with it.

"But-" The ornery smurf started, only to be silenced by a glare. Did her eyes always have that red tint to them? It had to be a trick of the light. He quieted, not even bothering to voice that he hated not knowing.

Shoving the sudden surge of loathing aside, she sat up and rested on his thighs. The clone took hold of his smurf, startling a gasp from the male. It was a bit thicker than she'd guessed.

"This is going to take a little getting used to." The brunette murmured more to herself than her victim. Raising up she leaned on all fours over top of him and dipped her head down to capture his lips again. He surprised her by boldly running his hands up her sides to cup her breasts. The first few gentle kneads had her moaning into his mouth.

Now or never, Maddy told herself. She took hold of him again and aligned their bodies. Both of them gasped as she started to ease herself down. When she picked herself up a bit to help lubricate things he whined at the loss of contact.

"Don't move!" She ordered, worried when she felt his thighs flex under her. Slowly she continued.

The urge to buck his hips and fill her entirely was strong, but she seemed to have more of an idea about what she was doing than he did. Above all he didn't want to hurt her. Grouchy settled for gripping the sheets under him tightly.

This was more, so much more than the curious touching she'd done to herself when the mood struck. Finally down, she took a moment to breathe.

The pleasure was consuming to his senses, narrowing his focus to just himself and the smurfette atop him. He disengaged his hands from the sheets and took hold of his lover's hips. If he thought it felt good right then, his idea was dwarfed when she moved experimentally. He inhaled in short bursts, body shuddering with the sensory overload. She moaned, a low beautiful sound as she began to move until she found a favorable rhythm. Maddy slowly sped up as her confidence rose and the endorphins blocked out the slight bit of pain from being filled. Time was lost on the pair as their shared pleasure built into a crescendo.

The clone slowed momentarily as fatigue overtook her. Grouchy made a sound of protest and bucked his hips. She lifted herself up slightly to allow him to thrust upwards into her. The smurf obliged, his vigorous pace sent jolts of pleasure through her.

"Oh! Wr-right there!" She caught herself in time, biting her lip to hold back any further cries. The brunette leaned over instead and buried her face into the juncture of the smurf's head and neck.

The hot puffs of breath on his skin added to the euphoric thrumming in his body and spurred the grump onward. He felt the explosion of something indescribable and moaned brokenly as he came. The ornery smurf held their bodies together as he thrust upwards until he was spent.

Maddy's eyes widened as she felt the twitching and heat. The realization of what was happening and the movement had her following her victim into bliss. She suddenly wanted to tell him the truth of what happened. Not out of any sense of compassion, no. She smiled.

She wanted to watch his heart shatter.

But that would give away the entire clone village. She couldn't do that. Maybe she could come back later, make up some story and bed him again. Keep doing it until she drove him mad. It sounded like fun.

"I smurf you, Vexy." Grouchy whispered reverently.

Oh brother. She thought. "I love you, too." Maddy lied. She lifted her head to make her excuses to leave but the smurf captured her lips again. The clone played along until the soreness between her legs made itself known. The smurfette pulled away with a sharp inhalation of pain.

"I need to clean up." She lifted herself up and winced. "Maybe soak in some hot water."

The grump looked horrified. "You're hurt?"

The naughtie clone shrugged. "Just sore. It happens." Gritting her teeth she kissed his cheek reassuringly. "I'll be back. Just wait here, ok?"

"Ok." He watched her dress as though he wanted to say something further. He pulled his blanket over his nudity.

Maddy opened the door, turned, and blew him a kiss. "I'll be back, lover boy. See you in a few." She was out and had the door closed before the duped smurf could say anything in return.

With a satisfied smirk, she left for the copied village.


	24. Ch 16: Asunder

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

**Cripes, it's been almost six months. -_- It's been a crazy six months filled with kids getting sick, half of this story getting eaten by data corruption, and writer's block. Glad I could make this chapter happen though! I haven't abandoned this story. I want to see it through to the end. Granted, that end might be five years from now… but hey, at least it'll happen! X.x**

**My lovely reviews!**

**Lac Lausanne: Given that I'm making Vexy out to be a sort of 'internet punk/scientist' there are gonna be references like that from her. X3**

**Smurflover: I've actually got (crappy) pictures of a few planned gen2 characters on my deviant art account. I'm the same name over there. :D**

**Grokeyfan: I am indeed! I haven't given up on this story, it's just life getting in the way.**

**OcanaisafuckNho: There shall be more Tazzy later on, promise! :3**

**WARNING: The first scene has M/F sex (This one's for you smurflover! X3).**

**Smurfs Forever Chapter 16: Asunder**

"I don't see why Grouchy didn't smurf to the party." Greedy commented as he and Medic strolled towards her apartment. "He's got a smurffriend now."

"Does he usually ditch parties?" The healer asked distractedly. She'd been quiet ever since they'd left the dance floor.

"Usually." The cook watched his girlfriend's face. The way the smurfette stared into the distance was… haunted? It wasn't smurfy, that was for sure. He reached out to pull her into a hug and was surprised when she flinched.

Immediately the former dryad murmured an apology. The plump smurf frowned. "Are you smurfy, Medic?"

She didn't answer for a long moment. When she did she closed her eyes, stopping their walk. "Not really." She took a breath, trying to will away the visions in her mind. "Ya remember when I told ya I fought in a war?"

"Yeah." This didn't sound good at all.

She opened her eyes, still looking at something only she could see. "Sometimes things remind me of tha worst parts. Mostly it's when I get inta large crowds. Suddenly I'm back wadin through revenants and seein 'em pull Lolly down and then she's screamin fer help…" She relived the moment, seeing her pack mate and lover pulled down under undead hands and then blood. The mage-raised dead didn't bother eating what they killed. No, that was something from movies she'd seen as a human back in her original world. The undead she'd fought were simply mindless engines of destruction. When the smurfs had rushed the dance floor when a fast dancing song came on she'd panicked and shouted an excuse to get away.

Greedy tried to understand. So a large… swarm of something had killed one of her friends. "You've mentioned revenants before, what are they?" He asked gently.

"Tha mages of that world, they could make tha dead walk again with tha right runestone. Most of the time they place tha stone in tha head'r torso an' ya gotta destroy tha stone ta lay one back ta rest. Some genius figured out a way to mass produce those stones. There were hordes of 'em. Usually faced odds of around a gross ta one or better. If they managed t'get ahold of ya… it wasn't pretty." Medic opened her eyes in time to see the smurf envelop her in a hug. She clung to him.

Greedy didn't say anything. He wasn't sure if anything would be right to say. Instead he hugged her tighter. What the smurfette had said seemed almost unimaginable. They stood in silence, the sounds of crickets and distant spring frogs seemed a background buzz. It reminded him of the dance earlier. Where his smurffriend wasn't able to keep on her feet and she tripped them both up. He didn't realize he'd started swaying.

Medic found herself moving. The slow motion helped her fight off the fog of bad memories, replacing them in the forefront of her mind with her attempt at dancing. She looked up at the gourmet and he blushed. The healer had to smile as her heart soared. It was then she was sure she loved him.

The plump smurf almost stopped his movement when the smurfette leaned up and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed the way their mouths moved together. Why did she always grab his tush when they kissed like this? The thought jumped to the forefront of his mind and he decided to find out. It didn't take much movement to lower his hands and bit and give the female's rear a squeeze. _Squishy_ was about as far as Greedy got before the healer's moan sent pulses of physical delight down his spine.

Medic felt the obvious bulge and had to fight her first reaction. It would be in poor taste for the smurf to get pushed to the ground and screwed senseless in the middle of the road. But from the feel of things the dessert cook would likely be up for something.

"Stay with me?" The former dryad only pulled away long enough to murmur her question.

"Mmm-hm." Came the enthusiastic reply as his tongue was preoccupied with exploring her mouth.

A thump from nearby startled the both of them. The plump smurf blushed as he searched for the sound. His smurffriend had whirled to look as well. When nothing happened he chuckled nervously.

The healer watched for a moment longer before turning to the smurf with a smile. "Com'on darlin'."

Hand in hand they hurried the rest of the way to the building. They climbed the stairs with several pauses for kisses and one near-tumble. Medic couldn't seem to wait, pulling her shirt off as she nearly kicked open the door. The smurf stopped in the doorway, staring as his smurffriend shimmied out of the rest of her clothes.

The healer sauntered towards him, amused at his slack-jawed expression. She coaxed him inside and shut the door behind them. Arms wrapped around her from behind and the brunette gasped. The exhalation of surprise elicted a giggle as she was scooped up bridal style. "Jus what are ya plannin, darlin'?"

"I don't really know yet." Greedy chuckled, heading towards the bedroom. It wasn't like he'd ever done anything like this before. But the heat of his smurffriend's body against his own and the enticing sight of her nude body made him want to do _something_. That thought turned the butterflies in his stomach into a bundle of nervous energy. He sat the brown haired smurfette down on the bed.

Medic reached for the smurf's pants. "Can I taste you?" She asked as she ran her thumbs under his waistband. The thought licking and sucking her lover had her nearly drooling. She slid off the bed and onto her knees.

"T-taste?" The dessert cook stammered. He pulled his pants away from his tail first, then his smurf. She was already leaning in, breath tickling the head of his shaft.

"Don't worry, I won' bite." The female drawled before she took the tip into her mouth. His gasp was almost as rewarding as the salty-sweet flavor. Teasingly, she pulled back a little before drawing him in further. She continued the back and forth until he caught on and her nose was bumping into his stomach with each thrust. The former dryad was elated. This new anatomy definitely had it's advantages, it made oral so easy.

Waves of bliss seemed to take over his mind, the smurf ran on instinct to keep the sensations going. Snippets of thought managed to begin but were quickly ended with every movement. _So warm and- Oh how's she- And all the way in?! "Oh smurf!_"

"Mm-hmm." Came the healer's pleased response. Her hands slid from the waistband around his knees up to squeeze his rear again.

Had he said everything out loud? Greedy wasn't sure. The thrilling build continued, augmented by the occasional squeeze to his posterior. The plump smurf was reduced to panting as he gripped his lover's shoulders. Then her hand traced a gentle line from his left side to cup his smurfberries. If he thought the pleasure came in waves before, now it was one continuous thrum after the smurfette started gently fondling him. It didn't take long before he came undone.

_That's it. _Medic thought as she heard the dessert cook's breath hitch and felt his scrotum tighten. He came with a moan that lowered into a hoarse finish and she tasted his essence. It was oddly sweet in addition to the normal salt and bitterness. She milked him to the last drop, finishing off by licking the tip of his shaft.

Even before the smurf's mind could recover he wobbled, knees weak, and would have toppled over had his smurffriend not pulled him onto the bed beside of her. He lay there trying to catch his breath, feeling the female pull his pants the rest of the way off. The bed dipped and he watched her crawl over to lay beside him, propped up on her elbow.

"Wow." Greedy began. "That was a lot better than…" He trailed off with a blush. He'd never really been sure if anysmurf else had given into the spring urges. It wasn't really something that was talked about. As embarrassed as Papa had been during The Talk, he'd assumed that he was breaking some rule by relieving his urges occasionally. When his lover only tilted her head he felt the need to explain. "It's smurfier than… smurfing myself."

The healer grinned. "Now that's somethin I'd like ta see."

"Really?" The smurf asked, startled. He levered himself up onto his elbows.

Medic reached out and traced her fingers from his chin down his neck. "Knowin what gets yer motor goin is a good thing. An' watchin…" She ran her hand lower, finger circling his belly button. "Is a definite turn on."

He wanted to touch her and reached out, nearly entranced by her voice. "So you smurf yourself?" He wasn't as surprised when the smurfette took his hand and guided it to her breast. He gave the globe a gentle squeeze and she moaned.

"Every night since I got here." She purred, sitting up. "And after that first day I'd wonder what you'd have done if I'd sat on yer lap." She leaned over him, pressing her lips to his. The healer made a surprised sound as the smurf picked her hips up and swung her around to sit on his lap. He sat up as he did so, doing his best to keep kissing her but the movement pulled them apart.

He wanted to say something, though the moment the brunette's heat met his own groin the words fled into a jumble. "Gr-s-oh!" He felt his smurf begin to stiffen. Then she rubbed against him and he let out another jumbled sound.

"Should'a done this… mmmm… a lot sooner." The former dryad moaned again. If she moved her hips just so… The female slid forward and lifted herself a bit, aligning her lover's shaft with her entrance and then filling herself in a single movement. "Oh yes!"

Greedy couldn't help the pleasured whimper that escaped him as his sensitive member was surrounded by heat again. He clung to his lover, pressing their chests together. "Ah, Medic." He panted.

The healer licked her lips and then caught her lover's ear with her mouth. Gentle nibbles set off another whimper. The dessert cook bucked his hips and she gasped.

The plump smurf knew what he wanted then. He leaned back, gripping the brunette's hips and used the bed to bounce her up and down as he thrust upwards. The female on top of him let out short exclamations as she met him on each downstroke. Pleasure slowly built as he watched his lover throw her head back and cry out. He felt her body squeezing his shaft and moaned along with her.

As Medic came to her senses she noticed the smurf gasping. "Gettin tired?" She asked breathily. In response he stopped his bouncing and nodded. "Lay back." The former dryad purred. He fell back onto the mattress. She leaned along with him, but used the movement to start rocking her hips. She rode him slowly, pressing her lips to his in an eager kiss. The healer plundered her lover's mouth, finishing by sucking on his lower lip for a moment.

"Faster!" Greedy pleaded as soon as he could draw in enough air. The slow pace was like being offered a single smurfberry while starving. After all, it was in his very nature to want more, more, more! She sat up and started a vigorous pace that started the titillating pressure to build again.

The healer was well on her way to her second orgasm, enjoying the feel of her lover's shaft pistoning inside of her. Pleasure spiraled higher with every rapid roll of her lower body. Suddenly the tense feeling snapped and she let out a low, throaty moan.

When the brunette's movements became erratic Greedy grabbed her hips and kept her going. It wasn't long before his lover started riding him hard once again. His tongue poked from his mouth as he redoubled his efforts to keep her going faster. The smurf was so close, but the stimulation seemed to be doing nothing to push him over the edge. "More!" He cried.

Ohhh. That tongue. Medic smiled seductively as she leaned back and pulled her legs up. Straightening back up she grabbed the plump smurf by the shoulders and used her legs to half rock, half bounce on him. She panted, exclaiming with every exhale.

It was more intense. The former dryad's cries mixed with the sounds of their bodies colliding seemed to combine with the physical sensations. The dessert cook came with a whimper that turned into a drawn out moan, emptying himself inside of her. She spasmed around him as her own climax hit, enjoying the heat filling her. Spent, she maneuvered to drape herself across his chest, cuddling with him.

Greedy hugged her tightly. "I love you, Medic."

"I love you too, Greedy." The healer searched and found his hand, threading her fingers between his. She hooked her foot under the blanket and together they managed to pull it over them both.

The pair snuggled together as sleep took them.

**00000**

The smurfs were subdued the next morning, the sunny day at odds with the mood. Hackus looked at his sister. Vexy was stirring her oatmeal and not eating, instead staring at the back of Grouchy's head with a disgruntled expression.

She was mad. Or sad. Probably both, he decided. Most of the smurfs were at least one or the other. They weren't happy. He didn't like it when Vexy wasn't happy. It reminded him of when they weren't blue and Father would say mean things.

He chewed his muffin slowly. When she got sad or mad then, he'd cheer her up. An idea came to him and he grinned. He stuffed the last of the muffin into his mouth and chewed quickly, then washed it down with juice.

The large smurf turned to his sister. "Vexy." The female only gave a distracted grunt in response. He tried again. "Vexxxyyyy."

"What is it, Hackus?" The brunette finally looked at him.

He shuffled excitedly in his seat. "I'm gonna sing it!"

"Sing what?" The former naughtie asked her brother.

"THE song." The large smurf boomed. Surfer, Crazy, and Jokey started paying attention to the siblings. Baby gurgled from her place on Crazy's lap.

Vexy tilted her head back, groaning. "Not that song. There's no Gargamel to piss off."

"No, listen! Listen!" Hackus clasped his hands together. "They'll love it!"

"No." She mock glared at him. It was a lost battle from the start after all.

"Gonna do it!" The smurf stood up.

"Just what is he gonna smurf?" Jokey asked curiously.

"Hackus." Vexy whined. It was too late. The red headed male jumped up onto the table. Then he started to sing.

_This is the song that doesn't end_  
_Yes it goes on and on my friend!_  
_Some people started singing it not knowing what it was_  
_But they'll continue singing it forever just because!_

The black haired female couldn't help but smile. They'd gotten their creator into several screaming tantrums over the earworm. By the second verse Jokey joined in, then Crazy. Baby squealed gleefully. Soon over half the dining hall had joined in with Harmony blaring his horn along with the tune. There were some slight changes to the lyrics by then, as the native smurfs used smurfish.

_This is the song that doesn't end_  
_Yes it smurfs on and on my friend!_  
_Somesmurfs started singing it not smurfing what it was_  
_But they'll continue smurfing it forever just because!_

Most of the singers managed a dozen more verses before the novelty wore off and smurfs stopped gradually until the prankster held up a present and pulled the ribbon at the end of a verse. Harmony trilled his own off key ending flourish right after.

Hackus hopped down and patted his sister on the back. "Feel better?" He asked.

The smurfette smiled affectionately. "Yeah… thanks." She added after a moment.

The large redhead scooped her up into a rib-creaking hug. All was right with his world again. Happily he plopped back down into his seat and reached for another muffin.

Vexy stood and walked over to where her boyfriend sat. Without asking she sat down beside him. He glanced at her, but neither spoke. Across from them Gutsy looked at Smurfette and nodded his head at the silent couple. The blond shrugged. She was curious herself, it was clear something was up. Hefty, Vanity, and Mirror exchanged looks.

Finally the former naughtie could take no more. "So… What happened last night?"

The grump looked at her in disbelief. What intrigued the others was the blush that bloomed across his face. "You're still smurfing like you don't know?" He countered incredulously.

The brunette held up a hand to forestall any argument. "Humor me. Act like I don't know."

He scowled, still red faced. "Fine. We'll talk. Alone." The ornery smurf put down his fork and stood up. Confused, the smurfette got up and followed. They walked until the barrier shimmered in front of them. The smurf turned and stared at her. She waited.

It seemed like ages before he finally spoke. "Just before the party started you smurfed up." It was difficult saying what happened. He wasn't the most emotive smurf.

Silence ruled until he spoke again. "We started kissing then you smurfed that we'd be doing… more." Grouchy studied her confusion filled face. "And we did."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Vexy exclaimed, something akin to dread sizing her. "I was at the party from the time it started! I looked for you the whole time." Both smurfs tried to make sense of the conflicting stories.

The female put her hand to her chin. "Maybe it was a dream, like the one you had that Christmas?"

The ornery smurf scowled. "I never smurfed to sleep. I'd know if it was a dream. I was standing when you smurfed in and..." He trailed off for a moment, "I had to smurf my clothes back on after."

The former naughtie glared at the ground, frustrated. Her mind ran through the possibilities of what could have happened. His accusations led her to a possibility. "This isn't a prank on your part is it?"

"WHAT?!" Grouchy exploded, reacting without thinking. "I hate pranks!" He snarled.

Vexy quickly held her hands up in defeat. "Ok! Ok! Sorry I asked!"

The smurf wasn't done. "How could you accuse me of smurfing something so unsmurfy?!"

It was a jab right to the female's pride and she snapped back, "How could I!? You've accused me of the same thing like three times already! Get off your high horse, you ass!"

"And I'm still not convinced it isn't some prank!" The ornery smurf snarled. He fought down the urge to pull a fist back and punch. Instead his hands clenched at his sides.

"So what, I just decided to put my heart on the line for some stupid joke?" She shouted. Vexy took another breath as if to yell again but paused, blowing it out instead. She glared at him, her voice cold. "If you think I'd do something like that, you don't know me at all." Without waiting for a response the smurfette turned on her heel and stormed off.

Grouchy stopped himself from running after her. He wasn't sure what he'd do if he caught her. Therefore the best option was to stand there, seething, until the red heat of his anger fled and left him with cold defeat. He slumped, sitting on the leaf litter of the forest floor.

"I hate this." He mumbled to himself dejectedly. Grouchy put his head into his hands and tried to shut out the world.

**00000**

_It's always him, she said. And lo!_  
_I quaked as if struck by a blow._  
_My thoughts are scattered._  
_My heart is shattered._  
_My love, it seems was one sided_

Poet immediately crumpled the paper and threw it into the fireplace. He'd written the same five lines enough for the wad to bounce off a pile of similarly thrown papers and settle onto the hearth. The words hurt, but the urge to write them down was too strong and he kept giving in. At this rate he would soon run out of paper. But the poem wasn't finished. It didn't **feel** finished and the incompleteness gnawed at him.

The bard leaned back in his chair and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars. Sighing, the smurf stood and stomped towards the fireplace, picking up his last wadded paper. He smoothed it out and laid it on the desk. He reread the poem. No words came, he was stuck.

"I should sleep." The wordsmith muttered. The oil lamp still burned faithfully from it's full night's use and he stared at the flame in a state of fatigue. Sleep wouldn't come, he knew, until he'd exhausted himself. One sided, collided, decided, divided… misguided? The words rhymed but he couldn't think of anything further.

Anger washed over him and he picked up the oil lamp. Swiftly he pulled off the glass cover and exposed the flame, then half-ran back to the fireplace. One of the crumpled papers served as a starter and he let the flame catch to it before tossing it into the pile. The fire caught, eating away at the pile and sending his words up in smoke. He watched the paper burn down to ash and a few small unburnt pieces.

He had to get out of the house before his melancholy consumed him. Carefully he snuffed out the lamp and stirred the ash then made haste to the door.

The cheerful morning greeted him, leaving him squinting in the sunlight. Poet started walking with no particular destination in mind. He passed several happier faces and figured that the party had been a success. Turning the bard walked towards the edge of the village.

He wouldn't leave the barrier. Dread gripped him at the thought of it. If Allura found him in this state, he knew he'd give in. He stopped instead when it shimmered in front of him and picked a direction, patrolling along the perimeter of the magic. It was a good way to be alone without the common dangers that would plague a creature of his size.

To Poet's shock, he came across a smurf sitting with his head resting on his knees. He knew that position. Somesmurf was in turmoil. It tugged at his heart. Knowing the hurt that he had made the bard want to soothe the pain of his brother. As he neared he realized it was Grouchy. _Oh dear._

He hesitated only for a moment before sitting down nearby. "Care to smurf about it?"

"I hate smurfing about it." Came the immediate near-growling reply.

The wordsmith nodded to himself. He pulled his quill from his hat and checked the nib. "Could I smurf something off my chest then?"

Grouchy grunted, head still down.

"Smurfette's finally chosen." Oh-ho! That got a reaction. The ornery smurf's head jerked up at such speed it was a wonder he didn't injure his neck.

"You're smurfing my-." The grump started to accuse. The pain in his older brother's eyes stopped him short.

"I'd thought… I'd hoped… I'd dreamed." Poet shook his head. "Is it so wrong to smurf one's hopes upon a star?" The writer tilted his head as he considered what he'd just said.

"Pretty unsmurfy." Grouchy conceded. Would he be sitting in the same state tomorrow because of his stupidity? Would Vexy move on that quickly? He shifted uncomfortably. She'd said she'd laid her heart on the line.

The bard was only vaguely aware of his companion's squirming. Perhaps he'd written the final part first? "Is it so wrong to smurf one's hopes on a star? To love fair sunlight from afar?" He murmured to himself and pulled paper from his hat, jotting the lines down.

"What?" The grump asked, wondering what his brother was going on about.

"Sorry, muses strike where they will." The wordsmith smiled, though his eyes were still pained. "Go smurf to her, Grouchy. Whatever's smurfing on between you two, remember that out of all of us, she chose you. That's pretty special."

The younger smurf looked away, curling inward again. "It's not easy." He ground out finally.

"Worthwhile things rarely are." That was one of Papa's lines ...or a play on them. One of the interesting things Poet had committed to memory for possible poems. He had even adapted a few of Brainy's quotations.

The grump stood suddenly and took a few steps in the direction of the village. He stopped and turned, hand going up for a moment and back down. "Look…" There was a long pause as he tried to find the words. "I hate what smurfened about Smurfette and all…"

"Time smurfs all wounds, or so they smurf." The bard smiled again, making sure to crinkle his eyes this time. He waved a hand in a shooing motion. "Go. I'm sure you're going to have to work on what you're going to smurf to her anyway."

Grouchy's muttered 'thanks' was barely heard. Then he was off, nearly running towards home.

Alone again, Poet looked at the paper and wrote out the lines to test the order.

_Is it so wrong to smurf one's hopes on a star?_  
_To love fair sunlight from afar?_  
_It's always him, she said. And lo!_  
_I quaked as if struck by a blow._  
_My thoughts are scattered._  
_My heart is shattered._  
_My love, it seems was one sided_

No… No. That wasn't right. Perhaps another couplet after the first. And he still needed to finish the last one. The first line needed to be more succinct too. He crossed out the 'so'. Better.

At least the walk had gotten his creative juices flowing, he mused. The wordsmith sat, working out his emotions through the balm of words.

**00000**

The village seemed to be bustling as normal, smurfs going about their business in moving points of blue and white as Grouchy headed across the bridge. He slowed to a strolling pace. An apology was inevitable, even if he didn't feel particularly inclined to do so. It wasn't as though he was guilt free, the grump knew he'd snapped a bit too much. It was a wonder the female even bothered with him. Which led him back to why he'd started the accusations in the first place.

Why would anysmurf be interested in him? He hated everything, after all. At least by reputation. He fostered that prickly personality in order to keep other smurfs at bay. Better to fend them off with words than to see that spark of fear in their eyes if he lost his temper. That fear that had some of them running from him for almost a year after-

_Stop it. Focus. _The ornery smurf ordered himself. It was time to grit his teeth and figure out what to say. _I hate apologies. That wouldn't be a very smurfy opening._ He thought he spotted black and purple and focused to look. No, not her. Stubbornly, the smurf didn't bother asking if any of his brethren if they'd seen the female.

He still hadn't worked out what to say when he rounded a corner and spotted her carrying Baby. The grump rushed to meet her just the same. "Vexy!" Grouchy called out.

The former naughtie's eyebrows raised. She was positive that the smurf approaching her would be fuming for the day. It was almost lunch time. She dared to hope that maybe he was going to talk this time instead of snark at her. She shifted the smurfling to a more comfortable position and waited for her boyfriend to get to them.

At an arm's length away from her he stopped, his gaze remorseful. "I… I didn't mean to smurf my temper like that." He looked at Baby, who was straining valiantly against the smurfette's arms to try and get to him.

_Did something happen in the woods? _The dark haired female wondered. An apology! She'd known him for almost a year and it was the first time he'd readily apologized. Or been the first to apologize. She shook her head. "It's fine. I was being an ass too."

With a near smile, Grouchy held out his hands and silently offered to carry the smurfling. Baby gave an excited gurgle and stretched out chubby arms toward the grump. "I don't smurf why she likes me so much." He was overjoyed when Baby was passed over to him.

Vexy beamed as she watched the child grab her boyfriend's nose. _I have a good idea what she sees in you. I don't think you see it yourself, though._

As if sensing his smurffriend's silent praise, the grump turned his attention to her. "Um… about last night…"

Oh yes… that. The tinkerer took a breath, mind working. "I was there, but it wasn't really me..." She started pacing, hand on hip. "That points to one thing. Magic."

Guilt stabbed at the ornery smurf. He'd shared something so intimate, so important with some unsmurfy trickster? Grouchy gritted his teeth. "Who the smurf would do something that unsmurfy?" He snarled.

"That's just one of the questions." The raven haired female stopped, slapping her fist into her palm. "If I learned anything from Gargamel it was that there's a lot of ways to mess with people. Illusions, curses, potions, spells… They'd either have to know me pretty well or be using blood or hair to get an exact likeness down to the scar. No one aside from Hackus and you knows about that, so that means illusions are out. You didn't know about the scar either, so that leaves out some sort of hallucination... inducing... magic..."

Vexy's shoulders slumped, arms dangling. "That only leaves transformation magic... It couldn't have been something cast on me… there were too many witnesses. Too many smurfs asking 'did you ever find Grouchy?'."

"I'm sorry." The grump blurted. Baby made a distressed whine and he bounced her lightly.

"Huh?" The tinkerer refocused on her boyfriend. He looked miserable. Taking a step she put a hand on his shoulder. He flinched. "This isn't your fault."

The words set off the smurf. "I should've smurfed something was up! It wasn't supposed to- I didn't-" He sputtered.

A shadow crossing overhead grabbed their attention. The smurfs of the village looked up as the large bird circled, making sure it wasn't a threat.

"A stork?" Vexy glanced over at her boyfriend.

"Yeah." He agreed. "Is it smurfing another smurfling?" He squinted as it wheeled down towards the middle of the village.

"Whatever it's carrying looks too little." The former naughtie shook her head. "Let's see what's up."

The two smurfs joined the others, curiosity carrying them toward the crowd gathered around the well. Shouts met the couple as they neared.

"This isn't funny, not one bit!" Jokey cried. Grouchy slowed, wondering what exactly was going on.

"It's just not fair!" Came Vanity's angry shout, followed by the sound of glass shattering.

"I know this smurfs unfair, but we have to respect the wishes of this stork." Papa's voice was pitched to carry across the crowd. "It could very well be possible that Baby belongs to our new neighbors. Perhaps that's why they're acting so unsmurfy."

"All the more reason to keep the little squeezer!" Hefty called out. A chorus of agreements followed.

The ornery smurf stopped cold, looking at the child in his arms. No. **NO. **Couldn't they see it was stupid to give Baby up? He hurt, really physically **hurt**, just thinking about it! _There's no way I'm giving you up._ He mentally told the child. Turning on his heel he ran towards his house, a plan already half-forming in his mind. The bag he'd packed for the child was still there. He scooped it up and trotted out towards the barrier and the forest beyond.

**00000**

Papa raised his hands. "Listen!" The shouts of protest slowly died down. "I know that we've all become very attached to Baby, but she isn't ours. It would be very unsmurfy of us to keep her from her family. Why, we'd be smurfnapping her!"

"But **we're** her family!" Smurfette protested. Many of the others voiced their agreement.

"I'm sorry, Smurfette, but it's out of our hands. We must... give Baby back." Papa couldn't hide the pain from his decision. What if that was what had happened to the missing smurfling that was supposed to be brought so long ago? He only hoped that wherever his missing child was that they were safe and happy.

The blonde began to cry.

Natural tapped on the leg of the bird, catching its attention. "Is there really no other way?" He listened to the bird clicking a response with its beak. "I see… Could you at least tell us where Baby is going? Or where we come from?"

The avian snapped its beak, clicking once more. The nature smurf realized that all eyes were on him and he translated. "He can't tell us where Baby is going, or where we come from. He's not sure if he's allowed. But… Baby has to go with him."

The first female smurf of the village snuffled, wiping her eyes. "Fine, I'll go get Baby from Vexy." She turned to go search for her sister.

The former naughtie backed up, hiding behind one of the houses. "Merde." She growled. "Hey Grouchy, why don't we-" Vexy turned and saw the smurf was gone. When had he left? She grinned. A step ahead of her, huh?

The raven haired smurfette hurried away from the scene. If she made herself hard to find, that'd give her boyfriend more time to do whatever he was planning. Hm… but where to 'innocently' hide?

"Let's see how that dome is coming along." The tinkerer chuckled. She spared a last glance behind her as she strolled towards the lake. _Good luck, Tough guy. I just wish you would've took me along for the ride._

**00000**

It took until after lunch for Smurfette to realize that Vexy wasn't in any of her usual places. Most of the smurfs had seen her sister before the stork landed but now she was gone. The blonde headed down to the site of Handy's current project, wondering why the former naughtie would take Baby to a construction site.

Near the lakeshore a pile of sand the size of a smurf house had the beginnings of a second dome around it. Once finished, the porcelain plates would act as one side of a mold for molten metal, while the sand would act as the other. Handy was at a workbench, leaning over a set of blueprints next to Blacksmith and Vexy. The florist frowned. Where was Baby?

"Vexy!" Smurfette called as she trotted closer. The three smurfs turned to look in her direction. "Where's Baby?"

The raven haired female shrugged. "I handed her off to Grouchy before I came down here."

"Well, help me find them! It's important!" The blonde pouted, clearly distressed.

"What's smurfing on?" Handy asked. Both the males had bewildered expressions.

"Oh it's terrible!" Smurfette wailed. "A stork smurfed to the village and now we have to smurf baby back!"

"What?!" Blacksmith boomed. "Where is Papa Smurf? He would not smurf for taking of Baby Smurf!" The metalworker pounded a fist on the workbench.

The florist wiped at her eyes. "Papa's the one who says we have to return her.

"Nevozmozhno!" "No way!" The two males cried simultaneously.

Vexy leaned against the workbench. "Why though?" She crossed her arms.

"He said that it would be like smurfnapping her to keep her." Smurfette explained miserably.

The russian smurf shook his head. "Humph. Is very unsmurfy. Papa should refuse to smurf back smurfling." His expression turned pained. "Will hurt everysmurf involved to give up Baby Smurf. She smurfs us as family."

"That's right." Handy agreed. "She's only smurfed here for a week but everysmurf I know just loves her to pieces."

"Especially Grouchy." Vexy murmured. "I can't help you look. I can't do that to him."

"I will not smurf either." Blacksmith folded his arms. "Call it protest to unsmurfy situation."

Vexy grinned at the metalworker. "You're such a bro, Blacky."

"Is what brothers are for, da?" Only a hint of upturning at the corners of his mouth betrayed the smithy's serious expression.

After an internal debate, Handy stepped forward. "I'll help, Smurfette. I don't like this, but Papa's never smurfed us wrong before."

"Thanks. We need to hurry. Papa may have already smurfed others to search around the village. I'm sure that stork won't wait around forever." The florist started filling her partner in as they hurried in the direction of the village.

"Mm. Is almost lunch time. I wonder if other smurfs are smurfing to eat." Blacksmith started putting away the tools and rolling up the blueprints.

"Do you think that stork will really leave if we can't find Baby?" The former naughtie mused as she shouldered one of the tool bags.

"Is good chance, da. Only question is how long stork is willing to smurf." Satisfied with the securing he'd done, the male picked up his hammer and tilted his head in the direction of the village. "Come. We shall smurf what is going on."

The impossibility of the situation gnawed at Vexy until she had to speak. "I just don't understand how Papa can agree to sending the kid back."

"Was thinking of that mysmurf." The male rumbled. "Perhaps it is because most smurfs were smurfed by stork. It gives…" He waved his free hand in a circular motion. "It gives stork authority. ...Mm... Papa may think that if he refuses, he will never get more smurflings."

"They couldn't do that!" The raven haired female protested.

"We know nothing about storks or why they smurf us. Is not like they smurfed us with a blueprint or rules." The smithy shrugged.

Smurfs rushed past them from the village center as the first houses came into view. Brainy skidded to a stop and turned. "Papa has smurfed that everysmurf should go smurfing for Grouchy and Baby! Come on!" The bespectacled smurf turned and hurried off after the others.

"I do not smurf we will be smurfing lunch today." Blacksmith sighed.

Vexy turned pointedly towards the village. "I'm going to put this stuff at the shop.

"Da." The russian smurf started after her.

**00000**

Grouchy had slowed to a walk, Baby dozing in his arms. "It's smurfy that Tracker went hunting." The grump muttered. Otherwise he'd just have to keep moving instead of looking for shelter.

While he wasn't one of the outdoors smurfs, the ornery smurf knew how to survive in the wilderness. Shelter and water, then food. He considered heading directly to the smurfberry or sarsaparilla fields. _Maybe this evening._

If he could just keep away from the village until the stork gave up. Once the bird left he'd be able to head back and endure whatever punishment Papa decided on. He spared a glance down at the sleeping smurfling. Anything to keep her.

"Grouchy! Baby!" Came a distant, echoing, call.

The grump groaned. "You've gotta be smurfing me!" Picking up the pace, he started looking for someplace to hide. The rocky ground north of the village was a perfect area for caves. He bolted into the first one he saw, heading back into the shadowy area to hide. The chill of the stone woke Baby, who yawned and looked around curiously.

"I'm not so sure we should smurf around in the caves, Dreamy." Lazy's sleepy drawl bounced down the cave. At the entrance, two shadows loomed.

A surge of anger at the possibility of being found gave him an idea. The grump took a breath and snarled. The echoes of the cave magnified the noise and the two shadows jumped.

"It's a bear! Smurf for it!" Dreamy ran even as he called out, the two smurfs retreating quickly.

Baby burbled happily and Grouchy chringed. He had to get out of the cave or the echoes of the smurfling would give them away easily. He rushed out of the entrance, blinking in the sunlight. His mind raced. Where could he go that they wouldn't expect?

A shadow sped ahead of them and he darted under a bush. They were searching by air too, no doubt. Free hand clenching into a fist, he growled. Why was everysmurf against him in this? Couldn't they see? Didn't they care?

A small hand grabbed his nose. "Aaaahh?" Baby cooed. It seemed like a question.

"I won't let them smurf you away Baby." He hugged the child close. He'd rather get dumped in the lake than…

The water! Everysmurf knew he didn't like it!

"Let's smurf to the river." The grouch said with determination. He ran.

The primal dread he usually felt when getting near the water was tempered with the urgent need to see to Baby's safety. Luck seemed to be on his side, an old log was barely caught on the edge of the bank. Probably something lost by careless humans as the edges of the thing were flat. What interested him was the clump of dead leaves clustered on top of it.

He held on to the smurfling and pushed the log off with his feet, climbing aboard when the current caught it. He carried Baby and settled them both into the cover of the leaves. Within minutes, the motion had rocked the child to sleep.

It didn't seem long when he heard cries again. "Grouchy! Baby!" Oh smurf, that sounded like Jokey.

"Well now. Look at that log. Looks mighty suspicious." Farmer had noticed his hideaway.

Perhaps the log wasn't such a good idea. It wasn't as though he could swim if they decided to pull his ride onto the bank. He jumped when Baby wriggled.

"In the water? Heh-heh. Now that's funny! Grouchy can't swim, he wouldn't smurf out into the water like that." Now if Farmer would only believe Jokey, Grouchy pleaded silently.

"Eh, good point." The grump let his head fall back onto the branch in relief.

From his knowledge of the rivers, the ornery smurf was sure they were almost to the lake. He really didn't have any way to steer, but they needed to get off. He looked at the branch that provided his cover. Here were a few sticks about the right size… he could fashion a crude oar.

As the smurf stood, he was almost rocked off his feet when the log came to an abrupt stop. Arm pinwheeling he teetered for uncounted terrifying seconds. When he found his center of gravity and stopped, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"Gaaa." When the smurfling had woken up he couldn't guess. She looked at him, bright blue eyes trusting him completely.

"Don't worry Baby. I'll keep you safe and smurfy." Grouchy rumbled.

Curiously, he investigated the source of the stop. "An island!" It was perfect. A deadfall had created a natural shelter away from the wet sand. He hopped off of the log onto the sand. In the shelter of the greenery he made sat the child down and made her a bed of collected grasses.

Baby whined, gumming her fist. She was hungry, he was sure. He dug through the baby bag, sure that there was still some food held within. She was whining loudly by the time he found the small jar of preserved smurfberries. He looked at it. Only one jar. He'd have to look for food for the smurfling quickly and Papa had said something about her needing more milk than smurfberries and sarsaparilla.

The child made happy sounds as he fed her. She tried to grab the spoon, pulling it towards her mouth with a concentration brought about by learning. Afterward Grouchy cleaned her up and changed her. As Baby drifted to sleep in his arms, his mind wandered.

How would he get milk? The goat that Herder watched over was out of the question. The closest farm was nearly a two hour walk. Would she suffer badly if he just ran to the smurfberry patch and fed her fruits for a day or two? The grump certainly didn't want to harm his charge. He gently laid the smurfling down in her bed of grasses. The run to the smurfberry patch would only take an hour at best. They could leave and then return and spend the night here.

He gathered the bag first, then fashioned a small rucksack from leaves to tie on the side. Finally he picked Baby up and set off. He stuck to the denser foliage and cover of the trees, keeping his ears and eyes open for any signs of his misguided brothers.

Picking smurfberries while carrying a sleeping child was harder than he thought it'd be. He kept wishing for an extra pair of hands to carry Baby. Maybe there was a way to do that, but he didn't have the time or supplies. He finished as quickly as he could and headed back.

Baby woke up as he shifted the weight he was carrying around, her happy coo made everything seem lighter. A noise from ahead caught his attention. Not wanting to risk it, the smurf trotted off the trail and hid under some bushes.

"Shouldn't we be smurfing his name?" Hefty asked, the bodybuilder's voice coming closer.

"Smurfette said if we did that Grouchy would smurf away." Handy responded matter of factly.

"Good point, but Baby wouldn't smurf any better." The muscled smurf countered.

The grump glanced down nervously at the child in his arms. Quietly he shushed her. Baby started imitating the noise, blowing through pursed lips. The smurf's chest clenched, sure the duo could hear the quiet sounds.

He crept towards the back of the bush, listening for any sign of pursuit. He wove around the trees before breaking into a run. Baby grinned, open mouthed and all gums. The smurfling stretched her arms out and giggled.

Grouchy ran until he spotted the island again. Once his feet touched the sand, he felt like he could relax. "Well Baby, we've smurfed enough food for today. I think tomorrow we'll smurf around for some milk for you."

Dinner was smurfberries again. Baby didn't seem to mind. Another round of cleaning and changing followed with the setting sun. They settled down for the night, the ornery smurf curled around the smurfling on the edge of the grass bed. He pulled leaves over them for warmth.

"I think we can smurf this." Grouchy murmured, smiling fondly at the child. "Goodnight Baby."

A tiny hand reached out and gripped his finger in the dark.


	25. SF Side Series: Dark Days 01

**A/N: I don't own Smurfs, obviously. This is a mature work of fiction and may contain dirty jokes, sexual situations, actual sex, violence, gore, horrible puns, real consequences to actions, and characters who are not infallible.**

*****Extra Warning for Dark Days*** All the cloned smurfs here are twisted by the spell that created them. As such, I'll be exploring darker subjects. As always, I'll issue general warnings at the start of each chapter.**

**Warning: Character Death, sexual themes/language**

**Reviews:**

**-Lac Lausanne- I love the dynamic of Grouchy and Baby. ^.^ It's one of the reasons why I love Grouchy as a character.**

**-Smurflover- I'm making chapters as I can (when my muses don't distract me with sidestories). Rest assured I'm not quitting this story, but it is moving at a glacial pace compared to when I started. Sorry for that, all I ask is your patience.**

**-Uknowme- I am planning on finishing these arcs out. They'll span quite a bit of time but I'm writing slower thanks to two kids and a job. I do like having someone to bounce ideas off of. X3**

_**Smurfs Forever Side Series: Dark Days 01**_

Chief looked at the assembled clones. A glance to the roll caller… what had he said his name was? Ah, it was unimportant. The smurf looked up at him and shook his head.

"We're still missing Ill, Paranoid, and Indecisive." The smurf pointed to each name with his quill.

The glasses wearing smurf spoke up. "I'll smurf for them, Chief!"

"Fine, you and Azrael, Stalker, and…" He pointed at Pensive. "You." The three chosen grey smurfs hurried to catch up to the bespectacled smurf.

"We should smurf up." Clever started. "It will allow us to smurf more ground that way. As I-"

"The last time somesmurf went alone to find missing smurfs we lost Hunter." Stalker pointed out. "I'm not smurfing into some situation without help." Azrael nodded from where she trotted alongside her mate.

"Oh please, the only reason it was dangerous was due to Alchemist. This is Sickly, Suspicious, and Flighty we're smurfing about. What sort of danger could they smurf us?" The pompous smurf scoffed.

"Well, Ill could really be sick. ...Paranoid could have those tripping alarms out again. And… Hm. You never know with Indecisive." Pensive pointed out.

They came to Ill's house first. The door was closed, windows shuttered, but this was the norm for a smurf who caught chills regularly. Clever knocked on the door.

There was no noise from within. The smurf knocked again. After the third knock, the know it all opened the door.

The smell immediately caused Stalker's eyes to water. He coughed, his nose burning. Beside him the feline clone was suffering a similar fate. The pair staggered away, trying to get away from the scent.

"What in smurf's name is that smell?" Clever covered his nose. To him, it was very spicy, as though Gumbo had been cooking one of his favored dishes.

"I don't know," Pensive stared into the dark of the house, "But I smurf we're not going to like what we smurf in there."

The two smurfs entered the house, eyes adjusting to the gloom. The house was in disarray. The table was tipped over, the smell of mint from the steeped plant mixed with the spice where a small kettle lay on the floor. The bed had been slid askew, covers and pillow completely off of the mattress. A nightstand had been pushed over as well. A rack of herbs had been smashed, leaves crushed.

"Are you smurfing what I'm smurfing?" The thoughtful clone murmured as though speaking louder would disturb something.

"I don't smurf… Ill… something smurfnapped him?"

"I hope so." Pensive looked at the room again. There had definitely been a struggle. But why the spices? His eyebrows raised and he looked outside. "It was one of us."

"Huh?" It took a moment for Clever to connect the leap of logic. "Oooh, they smurfed these spices so that Stalker and Azrael couldn't smurf who it was!"

"But why would they want to smurfnap Ill…" The slouching smurf wondered aloud. He frowned.

"We need to smurf Chief about this." The bespectacled smurf decided.

Both of the hunter clones were waiting for them when they exited the house. "What smurfened?" Stalker asked.

"There was some kind of fight or smurf in there. Ill is missing, looks like he was smurfnapped. I think maybe those spices were to make sure you couldn't smurf who it was." Pensive explained.

The bloodhound clone needed to see. From the sounds of it, it may have been more than just a kidnapping. The thought of experiencing that nasal torture kept him rooted to the spot. "What now?"

"We're going to smurf to Chief about this. He'll know what to smurf." Clever was already walking away and called back over his shoulder.

"Azreal and I will smurf watch here." Stalker called. The hunter then tapped his chin. "How to smurf inside that house without all the pain…"

"Why would we want to do that?" The feline clone grumbled. "I can smell the spice from here."

"If my hunch is correct, it's not a smurfnapping. When we-" Stalker stopped, unable to continue. _Nothing about returning back to magic_. He took a breath, trying to figure out a way around the command.

"We should look at the other two houses." The redhead looked at him. "If it's something you know that Chief said not to say, don't bother."

What did she know? He wondered. "Right. So off to Paranoid and Indecisive's then." The tracker turned on his heel and started off towards the two anxious clones houses.

"The baby incident. Was that how you found out what happens when we die?" The female asked conversationally. He'd told her about the false story and his part in it.

She knew! Stalker nearly stopped in his tracks. He recovered his faltered step and kept walking. The bloodhound clone was glad to fill in the final holes in his story. "Brawny and Nightshade told me to help me smurf the tale. How did you smurf about it?"

"He told me. Can't say much more than that. But I can talk around things just fine. Any cat worth their whiskers can slide around answers." She smirked. "I'm glad he didn't order me to report things. He's got the glasses one for that."

They smelled the spicy scent on the wind just before they got to Indecisive's house. "This is very unsmurfy." Stalker motioned towards the redhead and set off to the last house at a trot. It wasn't far.

The smell was there as well. Azrael sneezed. "Whoever it is really doesn't want to be found. Ugh. I can't stand this burning."

"We have to smurf Chief about this. Quickly!" He ran back towards Ill's. As his feet hit the ground he wondered just why he assumed the worst. Because he was covering up for Brawny killing Wrath? Because Nightshade killed the baby and the grouch clone tried to kill her? And Alchemist and Hunter... Was that their first reaction to everything unless Chief told them otherwise?

They arrived at the house before he could puzzle out any answers.

Clever was standing sentry at the door. "And just where did you two smurf off to?

"We smurfed the other two houses." Stalker stopped when he started smelling the spices. "The same smell is smurfing from both."

The bespectacled smurf's face grew worried. "Chief is already livid."

The door swung open. The black clad smurf glared. He gave off the impression of a cannon about to fire. "I have every right to be livid. I warned you little fools that if you killed each other you'd have to answer to me!"

Clever stepped back. "Are you sure it's not a smurfnapping?" The know it all winced when the leader turned his glare on him.

"The other two houses are the same, Chief." Azrael spoke up. "Both have the same nose blasting spice as this one."

"You." The elder pointed at the smart-alec smurf. "Back to the meeting, tell them no one leaves on my order." He didn't wait to watch the smurf leave, saying loudly, "You two lead me to the other houses."

Stalker took the lead. The black clad smurf didn't have to tell him or the redhead to stand outside. Curiosity took hold of him. "What is he smurfing in there?"

"Probably testing something magically to see what happened." The female shrugged. "The release of a bunch of magic all at once, it leaves a sort of… stuff. I forget what that's called. It always reminded me of soap that stayed in my fur if I ran from a bath."

"Film?" The woodsmurf prompted.

"Yeah, that. But magically." The redhead sniffed and started to sneeze again. "Ugh. I hope Chief guts them slowly when he finds them."

"Get downwind of the house. It's smurfier over here." Stalker motioned absently. He blew hard through his nose to try and clear the smell of spices out. There were three houses spiked with spices. While that was a grand way to keep his nose out of the scene of the crime, the one responsible had to both enter and leave the houses. If they hadn't accounted for that, then he could check around each house at a safe distance and discover the culprit by elimination.

The tracker bent low towards the ground and took an experimental whiff. The spice smell was unpleasant, but tolerable. There were scents here, most coming from the direction of the path. He made a wide circle around the house, stopping when he came to the highest concentration of spice. The bloodhound's eyes watered again and he had to get away.

"What are you doing?" Azrael asked as he approached.

"Trying to figure out which smurfs have been around this house. If I smurf all three, those who have been to all three may be our culprit." Stalker explained.

The door to the house was thrown open with enough force to slam it against the wall. Chief looked enraged. "Azreal! We're going back to the meeting." He barked. "You too." The smurf added, storming towards the path. The redhead was off like a shot to follow him.

"You're not going to smurf the other house, sir?" Stalker asked as he trotted to catch up to the black clad leader.

"I won't need to. All of you will be in the same place, so I'll order the little worm to confess!"

Chief stormed up onto the podium and pointed an accusatory finger at the crowd. "The three missing smurfs were murdered so I'm ordering all of you: If you killed those smurfs, say so now!"

Every one of the clones felt the weight of the order. But the crowd was silent.

"Oh, I suppose the three of them decided to kill themselves?" The elder scoffed. "Is everyone still here?"

A susurration swept through the assembled clones. Finally they answered almost in unison. "Yes, Chief."

"Maybe." Pensive winced when the crowd turned towards him expectantly. "Maybe one of those three smurfed the other two and then smurfed himself."

The black clad smurf rubbed his face in frustration as the crowd agreed with the slouching clone. "Fine. Then hear this, all of you. No. More. Killing. Each. Other. And no killing yourselves either!" His voice rose as he let out his agitation. "You're supposed to be preparing yourselves to attack the other village! Now get to it!"

The clones hustled away, heading to breakfast with the weight of the last order on their shoulders.

**00000**

As soon as Maddy sat down Surgery leaned forward. "So how'd it go, sweetie?"

The dark haired female blushed and glared. "That's none of your business."

The former nymph clone licked her spoon far too slowly to be decent. "I just love hearin' stories though."

The males at the table were watching the exchange. Forge was the first to reach the end of his patience. "And how did what smurf? What stories are you smurfing of?"

"What else would she be smurfing about? Smurfing, as usual." Fix rolled his eyes. If this kept up he'd find a new table.

"Well I could tell a few'a my own." The healer grinned. Physician looked horrified.

"Please don't." Clever grumbled.

"You've got the memories of a nymph, doesn't it all blur together after a while?" Maddy snarked. She really should've skipped breakfast.

The brown haired female pointed at the naughtie with her spoon. "Even if I didn't have an eidetic memory, I'd be able t'remember my favorites."

Comic grinned mischievously. "Like what?" The query earned him death glares from the table.

"My pack had settled near this human town after tha war an I found out they had a little problem with bandits attacking travelers." The healer started. Her eyes gained the far away look of someone reminiscing. Fix decided he would sit elsewhere at lunch.

"So I dressed up like a merchant an hustled down tha trail. Sure enough tha guy jumped out from behind a tree an tried ta shake me down. When he saw I was female his thoughts went right ta tha gutter. Which was perfect really 'cause that's where things were goin anyways. I backed into a tree, sliding my vines out, and he followed. The look on his face when he yanked off my shawl and saw what I was." She chuckled.

"But by the time he caught on ta what was happenin I had vines around his ankles. Caught him up and stripped him down. Oh, he was a nice lookin one." A lecherous grin was plastered on her face. "And hard as a rock too. Didn't even have to throw any pheromones in tha air."

"'Course he didn't know much about dryads from readin his mind. Like our aphrodisiac saliva or how we like to use our vines. So I'm suckin him off and he gets this bewildered look after he cums and doesn't go soft. I liked how he just went with the flow when I let him take me from behind right after. Then I start playin with my vines and he gets pretty freaked out. I loved it when folks get all mixed up about whether they liked it or not."

"By the time I was satisfied he had passed out. So I made a bed of moss and slept with him." She chuckled. "He tried ta kill me when he woke up. So I caught him again. He wound up being the pack's first pet human. Well, up until he took out one of Willow's eyes and she lanced him through the skull accidentally. Poor guy never did learn to play by our rules."

"What rules?" Maddy deadpanned.

The other female ignored the sarcasm. "Tha rule of thrice is the only rule really. Trespassers get three warnings before they get attacked, nymphs ask three times before they drop it, things like that. Byron, that was the highwayman. I told him as I was carrying him back to tha glen that he'd only be with us three days if he behaved."

The naughtie clone looked seriously at the healer. "Is that why you stopped asking me out?"

Surgery smiled. "Yup. Thrice I've asked an now I'm done." She winked. "But if you ever change yer mind I'm still more than willin."

"There are fey in this world who do that too." Clever interjected. "Many of the elf and fairy types consider asking something three times to be a smurf for the truth. And! They respect tradition in general so if you smurf to one and think they're lying you can say: Thrice I ask and done."

"Smurfing of done." Forge pushed his plate away. "Am going back to work. Poka!"

The blacksmith getting up seemed to be a cue to the others to leave as well. Maddy had a parting shot. "Nymphs are messed up, you know that right?"

Surgery laughed.

**00000**

Stalker poked at his food. Breakfast was over, he was dawdling really. Most of the clones at his table had already gotten up to head to the field. Azzy sat beside him, nibbling at a piece of sausage. Across from the pair sat Nightshade and Brawny.

The dark haired female stood, leaning close to their co-conspirators. "Tonight. Meet us at the tree."

The woodsmurf responded with the barest of nods. He glanced at the redhead beside him. She popped the last morsel in her hand into her mouth and got up as well.

The feline clone grinned at him. "You were too caught up to notice her signaling to wait. So I helped."

"You seem rather chipper." The male pointed out as they blinked in the late morning sunlight.

"It's nice not having whatever squishy emotions those real smurfs have. I feel mostly like my old self." Azrael stretched, slowing for a moment. "But… maybe… bigger, mentally?" She wasn't sure how to describe the differences in the thought processes of a cat and a smurf. She was intelligent as a cat, far more than any ordinary feline. It was still different.

"I honestly couldn't smurf you. I've never been a cat." Stalker shrugged. He started to say something else and stopped himself. There had to be a way to find out. "Azzy, what smurf of emotions does a cat have?"

The redhead scratched under her hat. "There's Hiss. That's when you're afraid or…" She grunted trying to think of the human word. "Disgusted. It kind of covers being mad too. Mad is Growl too. Yowl is pain, when you get hurt or in real trouble. The best is Purr. It's that feeling you get with a full belly and a nice warm high place. Or getting petted and scratched."

"So cats named them after what they do while smurfing the feeling?" He asked.

"Well it's not like I could talk to many cats. Most aren't as smart as I am." Azrael preened. "Humans have so many words for emotions when there's only five really. Happy, sad, mad, disgusted, and afraid."

The woodsmurf frowned. "What about surprised? Love?"

The redhead scoffed. "Just fancy words for a short fear and a stronger happiness."

Distracted by the challenge, Stalker tapped his chin in thought. What emotions couldn't be covered by those five? "Ah-ha, what about frustration?"

"Mad."

"Boredom?"

"It's a little sadness because you can't do anything." She hummed. "Maybe a little mad if you're bored a long time."

"Oh! Anticipation!"

For a moment, the clone did look stumped. She seemed to come to a decision. "That depends on what you're waiting for. I'm happy when I get ready to pounce, afraid of baths, that kind of thing."

"But wouldn't that be a secondary feeling to the waiting?" Ahead of them, the field came into view. Clones were already hard at work.

Azreal frowned. "I don't think so."

They lapsed into silence as they planted, each going along a row. The redhead was pulling ahead of the male. The woodsmurf noted how quiet things were over the field. None of the clones spoke. In his memories, planting had been an occasion to sing or talk. He was surprised to find himself envying the white clad smurfs.

As he closed in on his mate, he noticed her humming. It wasn't the traditional song from the tune. He listened. Curiosity soon got the better of him. "What are you humming, Azzy?"

"A song." She quipped, grinning cheekily. She grinned wider at his raised brow. "I can't sing it."

"You can't smurf the words?" The clone bent a planted a seed.

"No. I can't sing. Unless you count offkey." She knew the words by heart. Gargamel had played the song enough.

"Have you ever tried to sing as a smurf?" Stalker couldn't recall her ever mentioning trying.

The feline clone gave a long suffering sigh. If this was anything like the conversation they just had he wouldn't give in. "Fine. I'll try. Don't whine about your ears hurting."

_I see a bad moon rising._  
_I see trouble on the way._  
_I see earthquakes and lightning._  
_I see bad times today._

_Don't go around tonight,_  
_Well it's bound to take your life,_  
_There's a bad moon on the rise!_

Her voice was clear and on key. It surprised her enough that she almost stopped singing. She wasn't as good as Vexy, but hey, none of the smurfs around her were cringing. The clone got louder as she gained confidence. Smurfs stopped and watched her as she sung the next verse. It surprised her when they picked up the chorus and sang along.

_Don't go around tonight,_  
_Well, it's bound to take your life,_  
_There's a bad moon on the rise._

After she stopped, another clone called out, "Hey! Can you smurf that again?"

Surprised, the redhead started singing again. The others picked up the song and sang. She wondered if this was normal smurf behavior as the planting carried on to the sound of voices filling the air.

At least it made the time pass quickly.

**00000**

Comic concentrated as hard as he could, focusing on making the magic he'd pushed into his eyes enhance them. "**Omnes**." He let the energy go.

Suddenly the world seemed … off. The prankster looked at Clever. The glasses wearing smurf seemed to radiate different colors. "What do all these colors smurf?"

"Colors?" Surgery asked. "Fer me it's usually words tellin what ails a body an other tidbits. Colors would mean something t'you because that's how ya formed tha spell."

The trio were not at the infirmary. They'd gathered at the copy of Alchemist's house. The medical female had figured the best way to prepare for an attack was to add to their ability to heal each other. Only the two smurfs in front of her could do it without draining themselves, so she opted to train them.

"I still smurf that it should be a rhyme." Clever huffed. "As Papa Smurf taught me- well, my original- _To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme_."

"I cain't teach how I wasn't taught." The smurfette huffed. "Power words are all I know. If ya think ya can get tha same results from a rhyme, go fer it."

The glasses wearing clone picked up a quill and parchment and started scribbling words. It would be easiest as a couplet of course. Poet… er Bard wasn't the only one who could make poetry.

Comic scratched just under the rim of his hat. "I'm still not sure what to smurf of these colors. Both of you are smurfing blue right now, except for the purple around Clever's eyes."

Surgery hummed. "Let's try somethin." She rested her forearm against the table and murmured the numbing spell. She pressed down on her hand with her other arm and leaned down with all her weight. There was a wet crunch and her arm bent midway between wrist and elbow. "So what color is my arm now?"

The bomber clone made a disgusted sound. "Uh… red."

"I think yer colors tell a general health. Here, grab my hand." She held her broken arm out. Reluctantly the male took her hand. "Pull. Ah, there we go. Now that it's back right I can heal it."

The medic continued talking as she reversed the damage. "I'm kinda leery of teaching ya anything if yer diagnostic is so vague. We'll have ta at least go through simple anatomy an' basic first aid first."

"Why is being vague so unsmurfy?" Comic asked.

"Basically, if ya don't know jack about healin, yer just letting tha magic do it's thing without any control. That can mess up big time, least it could in the world I learned it from. I'm talkin 'bout bones healin wrong, messed up scar tissue, an' that's just tha mild mistakes. We had ta cut some guy's legs clean off again 'cause a naiad lied about being well trained an' tried to regrow 'em. Looked like some kinda boneless slug made'a raw meat. She went too fast so tha magic pulled nutrients from his body an' gave 'im a bad case'a malnutrition. So instead of being laid up fer a week he was down 'n' out fer about six."

The bomber clone made a face. Messing up healing sounded horrible. He blinked. "Wait. Could you intentionally smurf that?"

Surgery nodded. "Yeah. Though that takes contact an more time than a punch would. Healin magic can be turned around fer torture, but it's not that hot on tha battlefield. Tha most I've learnt ta do is a quick sleep spell. Didn't work on those damn revenants though… Uh, it doesn't work on folks or critters that don't sleep."

"So we learn that spell next, right?" Comic already wanted to. It was just as useful in the upcoming attack as it was on Warrior's training sessions.

"Smurfection!" Clever exclaimed, slapping his quill down onto the table. Comic, spell still working, saw a swirl of light coil around the know-it-all's eyes. The bespectacled smurf chanted:

_Ailments, injuries, the health of thee_  
_Reveal to me so I can see!_

"So does it work?" The smurfette tilted her head.

"Smurf me a moment." The glasses wearing smurf squinted and stared first at Comic, then Surgery. "It's a bit difficult to smurf through all the information. ...Is there a way to smurf on one thing?"

"I usually shuffle through just by concentratin' on what I wanna know." The medical female shrugged. For all she knew by his method he'd have to make a rhyme for what he wanted to see.

"Oh! Oh! Here we go!" Clever looked excited before blushing suddenly. From his point of view the two smurfs were labeled neatly with information. He only had to access those labels via concentration for a more thorough report. His first selection had been to satisfy his curiosity. Apparently Comic had been telling the truth about Alchemist and himself. At least, the smurf had been sexually active. He quickly switched to current injuries. The details of this topic were blank. "It seems the both of you are smurfy."

"Tell me old injuries that happened to this hand then." Surgery held up her right hand.

A moment of silence. "Dislocated thumb, smurfed two days ago." The smart-alec clone announced. "And just how in smurfs name did you smurf that?"

"Ain't important." The medic waved a hand. "So fer you we can prolly move on ta tha sleep spell tamorrow."

"Well, with my expertise, I'm sure I'll be able to smurf any spell as easily as I smurfed this one." The glasses wearing clone boasted. "I bet I'd even be able to smurf it before dinner tonight if we weren't being smurfed back by some smurf."

Surgery glared. "Keep that pompous shit up an I'll numb yer tongue an see if ya can figure out how ta undo it yerself."

"Could you smurf that anyway?" Comic snickered, he stuck his tongue out at Clever when the other male narrowed his eyes at him.

"Focus, ya'll." The female grumped. "Let's start with basic anatomy."

The bomber clone looked innocent. He'd pay attention to this, even if it was boring. After all, not only did Clever just turn it into a competition, it was really useful for pranking and keeping himself out of trouble!

**00000**

No more killing. Gumbo sighed as he scrubbed at a plate harder than necessary. Maybe he'd get lucky and Brawny hadn't poured out the water and he'd drink it. He rubbed the plate dry with a towel. A clank of plates caught his attention.

"That's the last of them." Gluttony huffed. He picked up a dirty cup and started washing, knowing his friend would take over drying. It annoyed him that both he and the cajun smurf seemed to be stuck with the dishes constantly now. At least the real smurfs shared the chore.

"Gre-gre…" Gumbo started. "If Brawny drinks dat smurf now, do you tink it's still my fault?"

"Um… probably." He turned to look at the frycook. "But what if Smu-Nightshade drinks it? Those two are smurfing around each other a lot."

"Oh smurf!" The cajun's eyes widened in horror. He looked at Gluttony imploringly.

"Go!" The plump smurf waved his hand.

Gumbo ran, bursting through the back door with enough force that the wood smacked against the wall before swinging closed again. He skirted behind most of the houses, heading towards Brawny's mushroom shaped cottage.

He slowed as he neared the domicile, peeking through the slats of the shutters to make sure the house was empty. The Cajun smurf tried to open the window but found it latched. He crept around the house as he looked for entry. Finally Gumbo tried the door and breathed a sigh of relief. He slipped in. The pitcher was on the table and looked untouched.

Not wanting to take a chance, the smurf took the pitcher and basin. He fled as quickly as he dared, careful not to spill the dangerous contents. The trip back was uneventful and he poured out the tainted water into the bushes. Then he hid the crockery in a knothole.

He didn't see the other smurf who watched him silently.

When he reentered the kitchen, Gluttony was almost finished with the dishes. He took over washing, glad to have the evidence disposed of.

"Did you smurf it?" The plump clone asked.

Gumbo nodded. "Tank smurfness."

Cook pushed his way through the door. "We are having soup and sarsaparilla salad…"

The chef kept issuing orders as he bustled about gathering ingredients. Gluttony rolled his eyes and his friend sighed. Another meal under the kitchen tyrant.

**00000**

The sun was setting. Four clones were gathered around the cauldron. Nightshade looked over the assembled ingredients then to her co-conspirators. "Once I start this, no talking."

Brawny and Stalker nodded. Azreal raised her eyebrows as if to say 'get on with it'. The Raven haired female started. One by one the items were ceremoniously named as they were dropped into the simmering brew.

Soon the final part of the incantation remained. Nightshade released the glowing mote of light and it drifted down. "And unless this spell be all for naught, one final thing -one hopeful thought."

Five blue orbs rose from the cauldron, spinning around each other in an intricate dance. After reaching a height just above the clone's heads, the orbs split, flying to their targets. It was only after the orbs started moving that the implications set in.

"Five?!" Nightshade gasped as she was struck by the spell. The only telltale sign of her transformation was two gold streaks emblazoning the right side of her hair.

"Follow it, quickly!" Stalker called. The tingle of magic was still coursing through his limbs as he turned and ran. Footfalls followed him and he was sure the others were on his heels. The blue sphere bobbed and darted through bushes and around trees, heading quickly back towards the village.

"We must have smurfed too close!" Brawny called as he barreled through some branches. They were quickly losing ground. The run soon slowed to a stop as the four smurfs lost track of the orb.

"What a fine smurf." Stalker grumbled. "I may still be able to smurf who it is."

The tracker clone started pacing in the direction the magic flew. He tested the air as he walked, heading slowly towards the village. The only scents he encountered were of the four of them or were too old to be of interest.

He stopped at the wall and looked back at his three companions. "We seem to have smurfed ourselves a bit of trouble."

"Let's smurf over." Brawny jerked his head in the direction of the wall.

The woodsmurf took a breath and vaulted the barrier easily. Once on the ground he concentrated on testing the air for any scents while the others jumped the fence. He frowned and slowly walked further into the village.

"Maybe the spell turned?" Azreal asked. She couldn't find any scent that wasn't old, even if she didn't recognize the individuals the trails belonged to.

Stalker went as far as the path. Here there were around a half dozen fresh scents. "If it smurfed this far, there are six possibilities."

"Well who?" Brawny looked both ways down the path. He couldn't see far thanks to the bend as the path curved around the village.

The bloodhound clone sniffed again and mentally matched names to scents. "Gumbo, Maddy, Pensive, Fix, Wrangler, and Warrior."

Nightshade clasped her hands together as she thought. Any of them would have felt the magic, but she wasn't sure if any of them would realize the implications of the orb. Except for Maddy. The former naughtie clone knew the feeling of the True Blue spell just as well as she did. But was there any way to check without letting all six know they were constructs?

"I… I'm not sure how to smurf if they're real or not." The dark haired female confessed.

Azreal grinned toothily. Stalker caught the movement and shook his head. _Not that way, Azzy_. The smurf thought. She started anyway. "Chief's mirror. It's what he used to cast the spell. I can check with that."

"How do you smurf that?" Nightshade looked back and forth between her and Stalker as though both knew something.

The redhead shrugged. "Can't say." She giggled at the other smurfette's sour expression. "But I do know how to use it. We just have to steal that mirror."

**00000**

Pensive padded slowly along his patrol path, thinking about everything that had happened that day. His lantern dangled from his hand, unlit. Night had fallen and most of the smurfs were watching the last of Warrior's training sessions. He was glad his patrol was on the other side of the village. Those fights were noisy.

The main quandary running through his mind were the murders. Why weren't they burying the smurfs that were killed? It bothered him. And which of the three would be willing to kill the other two before ending themselves? And why the spices if they were going to kill themselves anyway?

But none of them could lie to Chief. So that left those three dead smurfs. ...Or could they? What had Chief said… '_If you killed those three, say so now!_'

Could a smurf reasonably ignore that command if they'd gotten an outsider to do the killing for them? The thoughtful smurf's mind raced. There were footprints near a break in the fence that he'd observed. From the pacing and prints it was a heavy footed male and a female along with two other light footed smurfs. Only one female wore heels like that, so that pair had to be Nightshade's. Nightshade and Brawny. The other prints were likely Stalker and Azreal. He'd also seen Gumbo running behind the houses with a pitcher and basin.

"Hmm." Pensive rubbed his chin. He couldn't think of any reason for those five smurfs to want Ill, Indecisive, and Paranoid dead. But it could easily be a smurf he hadn't seen slinking around. The smurf nodded to himself. He needed more information. His patrol would take him near the houses. He could afford to look inside each one if he hurried afterward.

He lifted the lantern and carefully lit it. While he preferred to patrol without it (it was too easy to see him coming) he'd need it if he wanted to look inside a house. He stopped at Ill's house first. It was the same as when he'd left it. Signs of a struggle were there and smell of spices pervaded. He tried to commit the scene to memory before leaving.

The quiet smurf walked quickly down his patrol path and stopped at the next house. He opened the door to Indecisive's cottage. Thanks to the windows being open, the smell of spices was lighter here. A few half-finished projects littered a table just to his left. The bed to his right was disturbed, but there were no other signs of anything amiss.

He crossed the room to the bed. The covers were rumpled, marks on the foot end of the bed as though the occupant had kicked. There didn't seem to be any blood anywhere. Pensive stared, imagining Indecisive kicking because of a pair of blue hands around his throat. He didn't think the flighty clone could actually kill himself. He'd still be trying to decide how to do it even if he were committed to suicide.

The more the quiet smurf thought about the murders, the more likely it seemed that one of the clones had gotten another being to kill the three victims. He left the second cottage and hustled towards the last one.

Paranoid's house was almost pristine, save for the heavy smell of spices due to the windows being closed. The thoughtful smurf looked immediately at the open trapdoor. It was the only thing out of place. "That's new." He muttered.

He made his way over to the opening and looked down. It was dark. He lifted the lantern and let the light cascade down. Wooden planks secured to the side of a shaft that delved into the ground farther than his light reached.

The idea of going down made him nervous and he was tempted to leave. Was satisfying his suspicion worth the trouble? He could come back during the day…

Pensive sighed. This was the best time to do it. With his usual care, the quiet clone maneuvered down the ladder.

A plank suddenly gave way, getting flung into the darkness as the smurf's weight pushed it from its resting place. The clone gasped, clinging desperately to the secure planks. Paranoid was too meticulous to let something like that happen accidentally. It had to be one of his traps.

He waited until his heart stopped pounding before continuing. This time he tested each rung before putting all of his weight onto the hanging wood. The lantern bumped his side occasionally as it dangled from his elbow, though the outside cage was only uncomfortably warm instead of searing.

It wasn't long before the bottom of the shaft came into view. As far as the smurf could tell, it was about as deep as the village well. He was relieved to have his feet on the ground.

Pensive's mouth opened slightly at the sight of the room before him. A table overturned, thorn tacks, quills, and papers littered the ground. A splatter of ink dashed into the floor near the table, a trail leading to an overturned inkwell. There was a large corkboard that took up the entire wall to his right, a cot that looked slept in to his left. The corkboard was meticulously clean, only holes where thorns held up things remained. There were several shelves built into the wall. The cot looked as though the covers were hastily thrown off. He stepped around the thorns, careful not to disturb anything.

Behind the overturned table there was a knife embedded into the dirt floor.

The quiet smurf swallowed. Looking again at the scene. It was likely whoever had killed the paranoid smurf hadn't gotten an easy target. He frowned. The knife was Paranoid's own whittling knife. He didn't see any blood. Had the suspicious smurf tried to defend himself and miss before he was killed? It seemed like the other two smurfs were strangled, was this one killed that way as well?

Sadness warred with frustration. The laid back smurf now had more questions than answers. He was one of the few smurfs Paranoid called friend (or at least, Slouchy was called friend by Suspicious) and the feeling was mutual. "I wish you could smurf me what happened." He told the empty room.

There were still no clues to who may have been in the room. He didn't spy any hair, footprints, or carelessly left items. That only left supposition about motive.

A sickly clone, one that couldn't make up his mind, and one that didn't trust anyone. None of the three had the same friends. None of them had any smurfs that they didn't get along wi-

Pensive blinked. There were two in the village that at one point or another didn't get along with any of the others. "Clever and Comic."

Comic had been present when the first two clones had killed each other too. Had they really murdered each other, or was there a certain bomber's hand in the mix? The quiet smurf turned and ascended the ladder as quickly as he dared. He had to start tailing the prankster.

He exited the mushroom house to start towards the arena area, dousing the lantern so his eyes could adjust along the way. If Comic was still there he could start following him. The village could stand being without one patrolsmurf, this was a bit more important.

He blinked when he smelled something familiar. "Oh no."

It didn't take long to follow his nose to Frightened's house. The smell of spices loomed as forebodingly as the darkened windows. Pensive crept closer, daring to peek into one of the darkened windows.

All was quiet. Still.

The slouching clone dared to ease the door open. The house was in disarray. Once again, there was no sign of a body that he could see. He turned and started running towards Chief's house.

This was no longer an idle suspicion, the grey village had a murder problem.


End file.

Smurfs, Adventure, Romance