Oh, Never Leave Me

It's different, laying with Spike. Back last year, after heaven and the getting pulled down from it part when she was sleeping with Spike, she would absolutely never stay long enough for the cuddling. She would leave right after the sex, so she never got this. But it's different then she had thought it would be.

She never got to sleep with Angel next to her post-sex, obviously, but there had been times before when he would just sleep with her. It had been nice. She would curl up around him, and maybe he would put his arm around her. He was always very cold, too. But she supposed that came with the fangs and the bumpy forehead. Not to mention, he was never really present with her completely. He always seemed preoccupied. Thinking about something or another. But that had been Angel all the time, so she never dwelled on it. But thinking back on it, she always wanted more than that. She always wanted more of him, but he was never able to give that. Too scared, too uptight, too distant. She supposed he had to be, what with the curse and all, but thinking back on it, maybe they didn't work together all too great. Maybe they wouldn't work together all too great in the future. Maybe that relationship just wasn't meant to last. She'll think more on that later, though. Maybe after the apocalypse_,_ that is if she even survives. Anyways.

Sleeping with Riley was nice. She could sleep with him post-sex. A welcomed change. Sleeping with Riley was really different from sleeping with Angel, but in some ways, the same. She was always expected to curl up around Riley, no doubt about that. When he started freaking out towards the end about her not being open with him and not needing him, she would always curl up around him, as if to make a last ditch effort to prove to him that she did want him, but she would just have to keep working at it. Riley was warm, too. Sometimes too warm, seeing as she had been used to sleeping with a vampire who's body temperature had basically been non-existent. But it was nice at other times. Thinking back on that relationship, though, she should never have had to give Riley a reason to stay. She should have been the only reason he needed. And she understands, she does. The whole 'cold and distant' thing is terrible in a relationship, but that doesn't give him the right to go to a vampire-junkie to find someone who 'needs him'. She needed him to give her a little time, not to go off behind her back. Towards the end, that really wasn't a healthy relationship. But that wasn't only her fault. And now she has another topic to file away in the 'think about after apocalypse' area in her brain.

But back to the present. Back to now. Back to Spike. This is a lot different from both Angel and Riley. Spike is just as, if not, more curled around her than she's curled around him. And while he's cold, he's somehow a little warmer than he should be, as if stealing some of her body heat. It's nice. Really nice. Not to mention the fact that this time, she feels needed, safe. Not that she hadn't with her past relationships before, but this is stronger. Spike really does want her, really does love her, if his speech earlier hadn't been enough for her to get the picture. Spike really does love her. And then she thinks about herself. Why did she want him to hold her in the first place? Why did she get so angry at seeing Spike sitting next to Faith all buddy-buddy a few days ago? Why does she need Spike to stay? She knows she needs him here, can't try to wrap her head around not having him here, but why? The answer that slowly claws it's way up in her head scares her a bit, because she knows how this will play out if it's true. She knows that means Spike will leave her. So she pushes that answer back down and makes a mental note of yet another thing to think about after the apocalypse. The apocalypse. Right. That should be her priority now. The apocalypse, the mission. She needs to find out what Caleb is keeping at the vineyard. She needs to get the potentials back on her side. She needs to do that all as soon as possible. She looks down at Spike again. He looks peaceful. Also pretty beautiful, but that's sort of a given with Spike. She sighs and manages to slip out from under him without waking him up. She doesn't just want to leave him there though. Not after all he's helped her realize and do. Her eyes land on a desk near the bed. Perfect. She finds the paper pretty easily and looks a while for a pen, but manages to find one after a bit of searching. She writes her note and leaves it on the pillow next to him. She's about to leave when she waits a little, looking back at Spike. She considers waking him up and just telling him that she's going, but he looks to peaceful. Not to mention, with everything that's bound to happen soon, he should get as much sleep as he can. With one last look behind her, she grabs her jacket and slips quietly out the door, on her way to do her damn best to stop the apocalypse. Again.

_"Spike, thank you for everything. I needed that. What you said last night reminded me of what I needed to remember. I am The One. I am the slayer and I have to take care of this, not Faith, not you and not anyone else. If this goes according to plan, I'll be on my way to stopping the apocalypse, thanks to you. If not, you remember what I said to you two years back, during that whole deal with Glory? About keeping Dawn safe? I never thanked you for that, did I? Well I need to ask you to do it again. But not just Dawn, all of them. The gang and the potentials. I'm trusting that you'll do your best to keep them safe. I'm depending on you, because you're the one too, Spike, and I need you here with me. Take care. Buffy."_


End file.
