Mass Effect 1. Chapter 1

**Ryncol: A Tale of Two Memories**

This is just a little something that was floating around in my head cause god knows there's a lot of room up there. So, we've all done stupid things while drunk, right? Well I have… and now so too has our lovely, awkward Liara…

Disclaimer, Bioware owns all, etc, I just make them misbehave and drink too much…

Onwards, part 1.

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The ship was alive with an almost excited fever. Whispers, silent cheers, and smiles could be seen on every deck. An announcement had been made, one that appealed to every species of every rank: Shore Leave. This pause in the chaos that was their lives was to be different; a party on the Normandy, anchored in the middle of no where, and adrift. Luckily for the crew morale was something their Commander took very seriously because in their last trip to the Citadel she had indeed purchased 100 gallons worth of "team spirit" in the form of many, many bottles.

As Liara walked the ship's halls she could hear several of the crew talking about, and planning activities they would participate in during their 2 day shore leave the Commander had ordered. She remembered their last break, and receiving _"the package". _No this definitely would not be a repeat of her previous shore leave, this time she would socialize, be friendly, and participate in the crew's activities, even if it meant trying this Krogan alcohol they were so fond of.

_Beware of the serpant's kiss, for it comes in many forms, Little Wing… It's a party, Mother… Heed that which you know not of… I'll have a few drinks, have fun with my peers, and be done with it… Oh Little Wing, beware of Ryncol, it is truly an unconscionable beast… _

Liara shook her head as she headed back to the med-bay to change. _Ryncol. _Surely it couldn't be that bad, right? Although Wrex did describe the repercussions of it once as sometimes worse than a Thresher Maw's embrace. No, she was a responsible Asari, and had never over-indulged in anything. Her mother was always over protective of her, and obviously her new-found peers seemed to like this Ryncol. _Goddess be damned,_ _I am going to fit in if it kills me, Mother._

Liara flipped though her wardrobe, a green lab get up, a blue lab get up, a black lab get up. Some how she didn't think any of these would be appropriate for this evening. Although she had been on the ship but a few weeks, her mother's words had always resonated in her. Indoctrinated or not, the words of the wise Matriarch still rang true. _"Always be prepared, and always wear clean underwear for you never know when an accident will happen, when it will happen and who will see it."_

Indeed she had prepared. As rumors of this shore leave and Normandy party circulated the week prior, Liara decided to go shopping. She got the dress, the shoes, now all she needed was the attitude.

She got changed and looked around her "cabin". _No mirrors. Damn it. _She looked at the crono; _the party doesn't s-start for another 10 minutes… You CAN do this, T'Soni. _Thankfully her quest for a mirror wasn't long as she found a full-length one in the med-bay.

She stopped in front of the mirror, looking at herself very judgmentally. _Hmm the straps are too loose._ With two quick motions, problem solved. And what a bonus, her boobs suddenly looked much "perkier". A grin of contentment crept across her face.

Next on her list was the length of her dress. In the store it looked fantastic, but upon realizing _who_ she was trying to impress, it was perhaps a bit long. She undid the fashionable belt she'd bought for it and folded her dress over several times at the waist, shortening its length by several inches. _Much better. You look the part Little Wing, quick thinking, a true Matriarch's daughter._

Once satisfied with her appearance, Liara decided it was time to practice her "social skills". Looking around outside the med-bay windows, and seeing the coast was completely clear she resolved herself to putting Mother's training to use.

Liara relaxed her muscles, rolled her shoulders, put her hands on her hips and settled for a leg forward, chest arched and head in a slightly dipped position. She looked up at herself with her eyes only, and smirked. "Oh Commander, I did not see you there. You look… exquisite." No, no. _Too forward, T'Soni._

Readjusting her stance she crossed her arms over her chest and smiled. "Shepard, how nice to see you." Again no. _Too cold. Goddess, how hard could this be?_

Taking a deep breath, Liara steadied her nerves, and looked herself straight in her mirrored eye. _You paid a hefty sum for a subscription to the extranet love specialists, Fornax, T'Soni. Their advice must be brilliant, as they have over 46 million subscribers annually._

Liara heard bustling outside the med-bay and through the windows could see the crew was starting to gather for their shore-leave soirée. Liara was tense, nervous, and yet excited all at once.

Having never "drank", she'd heard alcohol was a social lubricant and was convinced she would unwind after a few shots of Ryncol, then rely on her Fornax subscription's advice when it came to matters of the heart… After all, 46 million people who'd "found love" couldn't be wrong, right?

**A/N:** A few shots of the universe's most dangerous liquor and seduction advice from this said universe's foremost leader in porn pedaling… What could possibly go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

**Ryncol: A Tale of Two Memories**

We've all done stupid things while drunk, right? Well I have… and now so too has our lovely, awkward Liara…

Thanks to everyone who's paid attention to this story through favs, reviews, adds, etc. Hope I can live up to your expectations and am always open to suggestions. FFs sry for early readers seems my post was all messed.

Disclaimer, Bioware owns all, etc, I just make them misbehave and drink too much…

Onwards, part 2.

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_After all, 46 million people who'd "found love" couldn't be wrong, right?_

Liara nervously stepped out of the med-bay, cautiously peering around the mess. She could see a central point of alcohol distribution had been set up. _A bar? Why in Athene would they call such a thing after an inanimate object?_

Just then she heard the bellowing call of their resident Krogan calling her over. She'd never seen him so happy as he was in this moment when he was distributing his people's liquor.

Liara reluctantly stepped into the common area and was amazed at how quickly the mess hall filled with eager crewmen and women looking for a good time. Liara finally was pressed up on the bar and picked up the small shot glass then raised it to her lips, positioning herself to take a small sip.

"Stop! What the hell do you think you're doing, Asari? This isn't some tea you sit back and savor…" Wrex scoffed and looked genuinely enraged as Liara was equally mortified.

"Drink it like this…" He threw back a shot and slammed his glass down. "Your turn, Pyjack."

"_Oh Little Wing, beware of Ryncol, it is truly an unconscionable beast…"_

She steadied herself yet again, stared the hulking Krogan in the eyes, gulped her drink down then proceeded to mimic his slamming of the glass down on the counter, earning her a nod of approval.

_See, that wasn't so bad Mo-_

Oh Goddess. The burning. The vertigo. The sweats. The blindness. The pain. All instant, and so unexpected.

As she clutched to the bar for dear life, once again she could hear the bellowing sound of the soon to be clan chief's voice. "The best cure to Ryncol, is Ryncol… Here drink this, quickly pyjack."

_How can the cure to poison be poison?_ But at this point she was desperate. She reached out for another glass and very ungraciously chugged it. She opened her eyes only to see her surroundings come to focus. She was still standing, and very much alive. If her Mother's stories were to be believed, Athame truly was watching over her.

Just then Gunnery Chief Williams approached the bar. She knew Ash didn't much care for her, but perhaps this social lubricant would help sway her in Liara's favor as she was now feeling much more confident. _Goddess, it's working. I CAN talk to her. _

_Fuck, T'Soni is so weird…_ "Earth to Miss fucking Prothean Expert hello?!" Luckily for Liara the only person who'd noticed her lapse was Ash… As Wrex was too busy laughing at some poor private who's just thrown up all over his shoes.

"Oh, Chief… I, ahh-h good to s-see you." Feeling nervous and nauseous went hand in hand for Liara as hostility washed over her like a rainbow full of killer clowns. Looking to the bar, she saw Wrex had left her another shot. _Goddess bless his Krogan soul. _In one swig the said glass was gone.

_Fornax Dating Lesson #14. The Obstructive Friend; State your honest intentions descriptively (see annex 143), and hope they join with the couple in encouraging all exploratory, and oratory avenues._

Yes, that was sound advice. She would definitely want GC Williams to support her, and the Commander should they pursue a relationship. Oratory advice from a friend seemed to be on the top of every Fornax list she'd seen, but first she would test the waters.

With new found confidence, and remembering the way Fornax advised such an announcement, Liara leaned towards the chief's ear and very proudly stated: " I have a lady boner for Shepard, and I was hoping you could perhaps be oral about this with us as I'm not sure I want to go down on her with my feelings just yet."

As Williams choked on her drink Liara was very content, congratulating herself. _Credits well spent. Well done, T'Soni._

**A/N:** A few Ryncol shots later… Things get fuzzy but Liara is still in full control, right? I love misbehaving :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Ryncol: A Tale of Two Memories**

We've all done stupid things while drunk, right? Well I have… and now so too has our lovely, awkward Liara…

Small reference to my other crack fic here, A Toy Story. Read it if you want, but its not detrimental.

Thanks to everyone who's paid attention to this story through favs, reviews, adds, etc. Hope I can live up to your expectations and am always open to suggestions.

Disclaimer, Bioware owns all, etc, I just make them misbehave and drink too much…

Onwards, part 3.

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_As Williams choked on her drink Liara was very content, congratulating herself. 'Credits well spent. Well done, T'Soni.'_

The Gunnery Chief was choking and coughing uncontrollably. Liara was shocked that no one came to her aid. She had no choice, Ashley's life was now in her hands.

_Think, T'Soni. _She suddenly remembered a Fornax passage on choking, something about a screwdriver, only the object in question was solid and much more phallic in shape, unlike the glass Ashley's drink was in.

She grabbed the Chief by the shoulders and swung her around to face her. "Hold on, Williams. I'm going to give you the hymen-lick maneuver. Just lay back and pull your pants-" Goddess, how she wished she had read the resuscitation annex as from here in she had no clue what to do, but she had to save her new friend's life. She hoped when the rest of the crew saw what a truly dire situation this was, they would jump in.

Rather than comply, the chief pushed her away and was instantly cured. "What the fuck T'Soni, you on Hallex?"

_What in the Goddess is Hallex? This is only more proof you need to spend more time socializing, T'Soni. Start with another shot of your "lip loosener". _

"I ahh, no uh I'm only on to F-fornax, Gunnery Chief Williams, but please don't tell anyone. Oh and Ryncol-l. Yes. I-it's delicious." A furious blush crossed her face.

Ashley's look of frustration turned to immediate amusement as she burst out laughing. _Oh god, Shepard. I always wondered why I received a gun poorly wrapped in a dildo box… Jesus, oh fuck…_ "You and Joker should swap some stories." As she walked away Liara could hear more muffled profanities and laughter.

Liara shook her head wondering what she had done wrong. After all, she'd only try to save the Chief's life for Goddess sake. Were all humans so irrational and suicidal?

As she sulked at the bar she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned around to find herself face to face with a young crewman who'd introduced himself as Pt. Severin. As they made eye contact he looked to the floor and began to stammer out: "I w-was wond-dering if you'd uh l-like to dance with… w-with me?"

_Fornax Dating Lesson # 8: Dancing and the Importance of Touching. Grind into your partner holding them as close as possible in an attempt to seek further attention from them. (See Annex 47 for popular inter-species 'dance' names)._

She thought of the most popular dance name among humans, and decided statistically this one particular one was probably what he was looking for. Yes, she would decline the young soldier's request gently… as she only ever wanted to engage the Commander anyways.

"I'm sorry, Private. I am not in the mood to lap dance, perhaps you can ask Ashley, now that she is feeling better." His eyes widened as he spit out his drink_._

"If you're liquor tastes that bad perhaps you should try Ryncol."_ Very helpful T'Soni, you're sure to make friends now._

Just then the person she'd been hoping to see entered the mess. She wasn't in her usual fatigues, armor or dress blues on occasion. No, Shepard seemed to be sporting a tailor made, very form fitting jet-black suit.

Shepard made her way through the mess saluting and acknowledging everyone who attended their shore leave party. Finally, she reached the bar.

"Hey Liara, having fun?" She said with a smile.

"Oh-h yes Shepard, a-ah I am." She wasn't sure if her cheeks were flush from Shepard's presence or the Ryncol finally hitting her. _Goddess, she looks… amazing._

"So did I miss anything?"

Liara decided not to mention the Chief's choking incident as she was sure Ashley did not want her friend to hear about how weakly she held her alcohol, knowing this sort of thing was a great source of embarrassment amongst humans.

"Oh no, n-nothing much happened. I- I am glad you are here." She took a deep breath and smiled.

"So, Doctor, what's your poison?"

"P-poison?" She was suddenly confused as she was sure Shepard would surely not want her to drink arsenic.

"I mean what are you drinking?"

"Oh! Ryncol." She said confidently.

"Ok, so poison it is." Shepard chuckled and ordered two shots.

They both stood at the bar making small talk for quite sometime, and both were intent on gazing at each other's eyes quite profoundly. Shepard had finally almost caught up to the amount Ryncol Liara had drank, much to Wrex's delight.

Shepard finished her drink and leaned in almost making lip contact to Liara's ear. "I was hoping we could dance before the night's end."

_Oh Goddess, more dancing… Good thing you researched, T'Soni… Yes Fornax has proven invaluable… Dating Lesson #8, Little Wing. You can move with a Matriarch's grace…_

The couple made their way to the dance floor, Liara resting her hands on Shepard's shoulders, and Shepard laying her hands on Liara's hips.

"I've been researching human dances you know, and there was one very popular one I was hoping you could teach me."

Shepard smirked at her dance partner, _such a nerd, but adorably so. _"And which popular dance would you like me to teach you, Doctor?"

"Oh a little something I came across called the Bed Sheet Tango."

Shepard suddenly dropped her hands from Liara's waist and began to cough…

**A/N:** Uh oh… Shep's turn for the hymen-lick? Stay tuned :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Ryncol: A Tale of Two Memories**

So readers; you still mad at me for posting a genuine review on another story? Muddoggie11, here we go…

Thanks to everyone who's paid attention to this story through favs, reviews, adds, etc. Hope I can live up to your expectations and am always open to suggestions.

Disclaimer, Bioware owns all, etc, I just make them misbehave and drink too much…

Onwards, part 4, the finale.

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The area was cold. She breathed in, no cigar smoke. The area was silent, thank the Goddess. As much as she willed her eyes to focus is seems the were content on disobedience. And what ever Ryncol ghost daemon of punishment could now stop their hammering of her head.

_Ryncol is red,_

_Ryncol is Goddess damned..hic… blue_

_A mouth stuffed with cotton_

_This so-called Prothean expert bit off more than she can chew….._

A mantra. Yes that was what this was called.

"Shepard… Goddess…"

Ryncol's secondary effect: (because there are always two sides to the story)

"_At least she doesn't have any hair to hold back…"_

"_I'm gonna kill Wrex."_

"_And Joker… I'm sure our romantic movie date night is his idea. Vaenia. Yup on him."_

"_I don't have fur, it's called hair."_

"_Oh my god, did she really just ask me what a Prothean is?"_

"_Yes, Uranus is also a human planet… and no, never really enjoyed… that…"_

"_Ryncol and memory loss? hahaha… what's so funny, well, ask me again tomorrow if you can remember it."_

"_Oh god, are you actually thinking about what a Hanar does during sex?"_

"_Yes Krogans are … large. But then again you didn't need to ask Wrex, huh?"_

"_I didn't mean anything by that… you've drank too much."_

"_Jesus, the definition of excessive drinking is well… just look at Garrus, face down on the floor. Yup you don't wanna be him right now."_

"_So when you get a headache do your tentacles swell?"_

"_Crap that hurt… Guess I deserved it."_

"_So do they?"_

"_Hahaha you missed."_

"_Despite the evolutionary theory, the human coxis is not a miniature tail, and it will not spontaneously start growing."_

"_No I won't meld with you tomorrow so that you can remember everything you did or didn't do…"_

"_So where did you get such suave seduction advice?... Hahahaha…. No really, I know you researched, so really, what was your source?"_

"_No I'm not laughing, You should swap stories with Joker for... dating advice? Yeah I just read the political and social articles."_

"_If you remember anything tomorrow I'm making a donation to Ryncol Brewing Co. and Fornax Publishing."_

**THE END**

**A/N:** Was really stumped on how to finish this, hope it wasn't to disappointing as I don't write Shepard's POV well at all. So, should there be an awkward Liara/Shep date? Off topic, man I love Ozzy.


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Mass Effect, Humor, Romance