Fairy Tail Absolute Boyfriend

**Rori's Corner:** This is based almost entirely on _Zettai Kareshi/Absolute Boyfriend _by Yuu Watase-san! It's such a great manga, and I highly recommend reading it. Of course I tweaked the idea a bit, made some twist and turns so I'm not completely recycling everything. Hehe. And okay, I swear, I'm done updating like a maniac. Just had to give one last push before I go and exhaust myself with schoolwork and disappear into the night like batman* Baibai winter break! _-sniff- _See ya when I have time or go on another break.

Enjoy!

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><p>Absolute Boyfriend<p>

**_001: lover shop_**

_make it how you want it_

_s'long you return it, don't regret it_

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><p>Lucy rushes into the dilapidated wooden brown door and straight into the heart of the infamously violent, boisterous, and trouble-seeking tavern with the rather unfitting name: Fairy Tail. The tavern is already enacting its daily scene, filled with the musky smell of whiskey and beer, stagnant lingering of cologne, and the pungent stench of manly B.O from the excursion of perspiring men who are unnaturally engaged in a passionate all-out-no-holds-barred brawl.<p>

She gasps for breath, leaning on the rickety door. "I'm late!" Despite her announcement, no reaction is received by the inhabitants, who are too caught up in their trifles and loud bantering to have heard her. Glancing around, she takes notice of the fist fighting men, overturned tables, shattered beer bottles, rolling wine barrels, puddles of alcohol seeping into the stone floor, ripped clothes scattered everywhere, and simply lets out a weary sigh. This scenario is a little _too_ routine!

"Come on, guys, _I'm_ the one who has to clean up this mess," she mutters, but as usual, no one ever listens.

"What did you just say?!"

"I said, Macao, you might as well croak before your ex-wifey decides to _make_ you croak after the divorce papers get doled out!"

"_What_!"

"Oya? Is the old geezer getting angry? Come at me, then. I'll even give you a handicap and let you have the first hit."

"Oh, that's how you wanna play it. Get your ugly-ass mug over here and let me punch you like you mean it!"

"That's a man!"

"You're on!"

BAM! THUMP! BAM! THUMP!

"Gray, your pants!"

An exasperated cry, "Shit! Forgot! Thanks, Mira."

"Put your damn pants back on, pervert bastard!"

"What did you just call me, fire breath?!"

"I called ya a pervy bastard, ya got a prob with that, hah?"

"Oh, I got a prob with that. I got a _massive_ prob. Stink breath!"

"Free stripper!"

"Scaly face!"

"Arghhhhh!" Two snarling and growling boys go at each other, face to face barely a centimeter apart, their eyes glaring and mouth ripping out one petty insult after the other. Right next to them, two grown men sit across from the other, arm wrestling and complaining about their wives as if they're holding a contest to see whose spouse is worse. The rest of the tavern is in equal disarray, waiters, baristas, bartenders, and customers undistinguishable from the other.

This mess, this daily fighting, these ridiculous arguments, and this undeniably familiar scene is the home of Fairy Tail, the number one obnoxious drinking establishment in the whole of Fiore, and this is also where Lucy Heartfilia, a self-proclaimed innocent and pure maiden, works as a part-time waitress, barista, and (sometimes a stunning) bartender in order to pay for her rent and university bills. Call her crazy, but this absurd place is the closest she can call a _home_.

Just as she starts developing sentimental feelings, the tavern entrance that she had shut after entering in late is abruptly slammed wide open, all the way to the wall - and her, with it. She barely manages to squeak in surprise before her body and especially her poor face is crushed, flattened, and _painfully_ squished between the wall and the door.

"O-owwwwwww..." she whimpers, vision blackening, white dots dancing in the dark abyss, as she sags down the brick wall. Dazed birds twittered around her head. That's got to be a black eye forming.

"Eeep! Erza!"

"Erza!"

"Ohhh, shit."

"Shhh, Erza's back."

Dimly, she hears the uttered gasps and surprises announcing the appearance of the singular scariest female manager of the Fairy Tail tavern.

"What's with all this ruckus, everyone!" The commanding voice belonging to a certain blazing, redheaded rule-keeper of the establishment has never been sharper. "We just repaired the tables yesterday; why are they wrecked already?!"

Lucy watches through bleary eyes as the blurred silhouette of Erza strides menacingly into the tavern, her stern presence drowning out the conversations and quarrels.

"Gray and Natsu!"

"Aye, sir!"

"Y-yes?"

"Gray, how many times do I have to tell you, get rid of that stripping habit - it's indecent! Natsu,_ why are your hands around Gray's neck?_ Don't tell me you two have been fighting again?"

"N-no, of course not. Never! We're hugging! We're best friends, aren't we, Natsu?!"

"A-aye!"

"Oh, is that so? Though this must be my first time seeing such a strange embrace. Nevertheless, it's wonderful. I'm relieved to hear that you two are getting along. You _are_ the representatives of Fairy Tail, so you must always have a positive and kind friendship."

"Aye, sir!"

"Aside from that, where's Lucy? I've been looking for her."

Lucy hears her name being called, but the struggle to keep conscious is too much when one is battered head to toe from an almighty Erza door slam. She peeks through heavy eyelids and sees the two idiot troublemakers, Natsu and Gray, tightly wound together in front of Erza.

"Go look for Lucy, now!" Erza's authoritative voice reaches her, echoing in her head. "And if you find her, tell her that her landlord is waiting for her rent to be paid."

_R-rent? I should've known..._

Lucy blacks out.

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><p>When she finally wakes up, she finds herself on the second floor of the tavern, where the infirmary is located. The infirmary is mostly used to deal with extreme drunks who have to stay overnight at the tavern. For Lucy, it would have to be her first time here. She slowly rises, feeling the bandages over the bruised spots and wincing in pain.<p>

Never again will she stay near any more doors. Especially the Fairy Tail tavern door. She should think about adding Erza Scarlet into her growing "To Be Avoided At All Costs" list, too. Sighing, she looks out the window, and her eyes widen in alarm. It's already twilight! Meaning, it's way past her work hours! The tavern must be almost empty by now, too. No wonder it's been so quiet from the moment she woke up.

Plus, this is is bad. Really bad! Her landlord will gruesomely _kill_ her if she doesn't hand in the rent by the end of today!

"Crap, crap, crap," she whispers, voice escalating anxiously as she gets up and stuffs her feet into her navy slippers.

"Lucy, are you feeling okay?"

She looks over and sees the tavern mistress and popular bartender Mirajane standing in the infirmary doorway with a plate of cookies and a brewing teacup. She has a smile on her face as she sets the items down on the bedside table. Lucy can't help but smile back; Mira has that effect on people. "I just have to get home really quickly to hand in my rent," Lucy says.

"Oh, don't worry about that," Mirajane tells her.

"Eh? Why?"

Mira grins, winking. "Erza covered it for you. It's her token for your forgiveness."

"O-oh..." Lucy relaxes, sitting back down on the bed. A weight seems to have lifted off her chest. "She didn't have to do that for me," she murmurs, blushing slightly. She doesn't want to give the impression that she can't take care of herself. It's the reason why she's here in the small town of Magnolia, away from her original home in the urban capital, in the first place. She moved here and learned to live by herself, fulfill responsibilities, get a job, fund her own lifestyle, attend a small university of her choice, and simply live how she wants to. Freedom that she was never given is now a precious belonging that she can't imagine living without.

_Home_. It feels so foreign, when she tries to match it with her previous house. That wasn't "home." It can never be considered a home. Not for her. Especially not for her.

"Don't worry about it! She did almost mortally injure you. Here, drink the tea. It's green tea from Lamia Scale. I heard it really helps to replenish one's body and spirit."

"Thanks, Mira-san!" Lucy says gratefully, holding the hot teacup by the handle and resting it gingerly against her lip, the warm moisture and aroma brewing from the green tea making her feel at ease.

"No problem at all. And please remember that you're a part of Fairy Tail, so don't hesitate when you need help, okay?" Mira reminds her, her tone undeniably serious. "Everyone has secrets they want to keep, especially you, Lucy. But I just want you to know that you're always and forever welcome to share some of your burdens with us. We're practically family." She smiles warmly.

Lucy blinks, her eyes resting on the forest colored tea. Her reflection stares back at her. After the kind words finally connects with her warm and tingly heart, she looks up at Mirajane with a hint of tears welling in her eyes, and grins brightly. "I know!"

Mira nods, leaning down and reaching out a hand to pat down stray blonde locks on Lucy's head, fixing her hair so naturally that Lucy can't help but wish that they could have been blood sisters. But that is just her selfish and wishful thinking. She pushes it aside.

"Lucy," Mira says, but then trails off, looking as if unsure how to put her next words together.

Sensing that something is off, Lucy nods. "Hm?"

"Actually, I met someone today that I've never seen before," the Fairy Tail caretaker starts, her light eyebrows furrowed. "In fact, I don't think he lives in Magnolia. From the way he was dressed, I think he was most likely from Crocus, the capital."

Lucy sits upright, tense. _Why would someone from the capital come to Magnolia?_

"What's more, he had a hood on, so I couldn't see his face properly. I did notice his blue hair and an unusual mark, perhaps a scar, on his cheek. He only came in to talk to me, for some reason. He asked if we speak in private, and I permitted it. The reason why I'm telling only you, Lucy," Mira states firmly, "is because..."

"B-b-because...?" Lucy is almost afraid to know by now, what with the ominous tone in Mirajane's voice and the altogether mysterious story.

The snowy maned bartender suddenly breaks out into a wide smile. "It's because you're the only one I can think of who can take this job!"

_H-heh...EHH?!_

"I'm sorry?!" Lucy squeaks, totally confused as to where this is going. That is definitely not what she was expecting.

"To be precise, you're perfect for this job due to a couple of reasons. Here," Mirajane says, withdrawing an enclosed letter from her blouse and then handing the envelope to Lucy. The blonde takes it hesitantly. "Inside is a job request from a corporation that operates near the capital. I personally can't take the request, because I'm under Magnolia's oath of rurality."

"The oath of rurality?" inquires Lucy.

Mira nods and explains, "Anyone who was born in Magnolia have sworn to not affiliate with technology in any way. Our lifestyle is basic and primal for the most part. We only have one major integration of technology, and that's the sewer system. Even our communication is limited. When people want to make money, they must go look at request boards all over the town, because that's the most efficient way to find news. But anyway, case in point, you're the best person for this job, Lucy, because you have no ties to Magnolia's rural oath," she concludes with an encouraging smile.

"This is making me really nervous," Lucy admits.

"Go on, take it home and see for yourself," says Mira. "I think it's a perfect job for you."

"O-okay." Still unsure, the blonde takes a hold of the envelope sheepishly and climbs down the tavern staircase to the first floor.

"And oh, before I forget, the deadline to apply is tonight at exactly midnight! Make sure you mail it to the address on the envelope before then, okay?"

"Got it! Thank you so much, Mira-san!" Lucy waves goodbye, her ponytail swaying left and right, and she leaves the tavern, heading out into the dusk.

Up on the second floor of the tavern, Mirajane hums to herself a merry tone as she picks up the plate and lukewarm teacup. A small, satisfied smile curls her bottom lip, and then she twirls around on the spot, puffing out her flowing maroon dress.

"I wonder what he's going to look like," she muses in a sing-song voice. Giggling, she says excitedly, "_I can't wait_!"

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><p>Lucy ties her hair up into a loose bun and grabs a cup of tea before settling into her reading chair. She lays the papers on the table, under the candlelight, and hesitates before she pries open the job request. For some unfathomable reason, she has an inkling that something major will be happening very soon. This innocent envelope is reeking ominous pressure.<p>

Even so, it can't possibly hurt to take a look. Moreover, she's been recommended by Miss Mirajane, herself, her super pretty and kind role model!

"I'll just...take a look," she whispers, nodding to herself and picking up the teacup for a sip. There seems to be a healthy layer of papers clipped together in the letter. She takes a look at the first paper.

**Welcome to Blue Pegasus.**

_where fantasies are turned into reality_

_and the revival of dreams made possible_

_come._

_turn the page._

Lucy gulps, anticipation like sweat beads, traveling and snaking down her body. She turns the page.

**The R-System.**

_the goal of the R-System is to furnish you with the ideal lover_

_who will exist solely for your sake._

_your ideal lover will be created with your very own hands._

_so long as you, the user, comply with our secrecy policy._

_come._

_turn the page._

"W-WHAAAT?!"

The tea proceeds to spew unattractively out of her mouth, her eyes popping out in surprise.

"IDEAL L-L-L-LOVER?!"

To say her face is blushing furiously would be a complete and utter understatement. She is well beyond simply blushing; her entire face can be classified as an evolved form of a tomato.

But...just what is going on? Ideal lover? Ideal l-l-lover?! As in, she can select, pick, and choose the qualities that she wants and create this so-called ideal lover in the image that she desires? Isn't this just like making a peanut butter jelly sandwich? Just slather on the ingredients you want and slice away the rough edges of the bread if you so please? How would this work with a human?!

She would just have to trudge on and find out..._right_? Right.

She almost rips the next page in her excitement.

**R-System Activation.**

_to our dear user, please understand that these pages are fingerprint sensitive._

_these pages are also wirelessly connected to the headquarter of Blue Pegasus._

_they are more "paper screens" than simply paper itself._

_if you understand, press anywhere on the page._

_we will be connected to you as soon as you do._

Having lived in rural Magnolia for nearly a year, she had almost forgotten how nifty technology is. She takes a moment to think. If she activates this R-system, then that means the people at the corporation who made this will be watching her choices. That's kind of...awkward. W-wait, wait, wait! By activating this, she's already agreeing to the job! Yet, she doesn't know any details other than the goals of this system. What if she agrees to something unknowingly horrible, and she can't retract her decision?

_What's the use in worrying about it, anyway? I just want to see if I can really make my ideal lover come true. My own, perfect boyfriend. Something that I've never had before. Something I've always wanted, but never could attain. Something that any normal teenage girl wants. Just do it...do it, and make us both happy._

That guilty inner voice is making her lose her rationality. Lucy stares at the unchanging paper screen, mind conflicting between rational and irrational thoughts. After a few minutes of inner turmoil and her control slipping away rapidly, she closes her eyes and exclaims, "Damn it, I'm really curious!" and slams her thumb onto the paper.

She watches, breathing erratically, as a single word appears on a new line.

_Proceed_.

She turns the page.

**R-System Lover Shop**

_newest series released:_

_[M] Night Astrology Series (001 - 012)_

_[YES] [NO]_

_press **yes** to proceed with the [M] night astrology series._

_press **no** to go back._

_Yes, yes, yes.._. her inner voice whispers longingly. Lucy presses the yes button with a shaking index finger.

**Press on any icon to enlarge the preview of each night astrology product.**

**If you have decided on a product, press two times on the icon**

**_and await further instructions._**

The instructions disappear to be replaced by a slew of images. The scattered pictures assemble into a circle on the paper screen, and on top of each picture is a number label identifying each product. Lucy leans down to analyze the icons, realizing that the numbers signify the order of the astrological signs, based on how each product in the astrology is designed, from number one Capricorn to the last, the number twelfth, Sagittarius. They are all very...

"Hot..." she sighs dreamily. She opens and checks each picture, staring hard at the dashing ones and passing some that don't attract her particularly.

And then when she gets to number 008, she sputters out the tea she's sipping for the second time.

"Eek!" she squeaks as the tea spills onto the desk messily. "Geez..." she groans with exasperation. Nevertheless, she returns to the task at hand, enlarging the icon and consequently blushing at the sight of intense glittery appeal. 008 has windswept, spiky brown hair, chestnut colored eyes (from what she can tell) hidden behind blue-tinted glasses, a very nice smile, a prominent jawline, and a sneak peak preview of his neck and naked, well-toned abs, and lean arms. _T-t-this is...d-dangerous!_

Lucy sighs, her finger idly doodling around 008's dazzling profile. 008 is definitely, without a doubt, her type. Her very own cancer, 007, is not even close to his charismatic and dashing appeal. He has to be one of the most handsome men she's seen yet. Kind of like Gray. But Gray is just...she shakes her head. Not her type. Come to think of it, Natsu has a good-looking face, too, when he keeps his mouth shut. But...she sighs a second time, dramatically. 008 is _perfect_. If only he is real...

**Alert!**

_this session will end in 3:06 minutes, seconds._

_please decide on a product within the next 10 seconds._

She forgot there was a time limit! There's no going back now, is there. Sex doll or playgirl robot or whatever, she's in far too deep to climb back out now. Plus, there's no guarantee that this whole thing is real. There's _probably_ nothing to worry about...probably.

Mind made up, she gulps and taps 008's icon twice, her finger quivering with unsuppressed anticipation.

**Proceed.**

_please input any of the characteristics you desire on the screen_

_or pen your own, within 3 minutes._

_after 3 minutes, all of the papers will simultaneously combust._

_p.s: this is a 5-day free prototype testing for the user._

_you must return the product to Blue Pegasus after the 5-day term._

_the product will deliver to your address within 2 days._

_now..._

_choose your ideal characteristics._

A five day free trial, huh. Well, it doesn't seem particularly harmful. She doesn't have much to lose if it's a free testing.

To start off...she taps her chin thoughtfully, and then smiles, reaching for the pen.

_Must have an assertive personality_.

When she finally finishes scrawling down all of her desired ideals under the time limit, she blows out the candle and then collapses into her bed tiredly, feeling extremely drained.

Oh well, it's probably all just a setup.

There's no way something like an ideal lover can exist. She's not stupid enough to fall for that, even if she is irrationally attracted to the very idea. She yawns, rolling over on her side and drifts off to sleep.

_Though, it'd be nice if it did._

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><p><strong>Rori's Corner: <strong>because I thoroughly ship Loke/Lucy and more love must be spread. And because I would like my own ideal nightly lover oho...oho...ohohohoo -

Aherm.


End file.

Fairy Tail, Humor, Romance