Naruto 1. Prologue

**A/N: This is my first story...**

**Constructive Criticism welcome, flames are not..**

**All flames will be doused with Deidara's pineapple scented body spray.**

**Enjoy! ;)**

Prologue:

When the leaves turn their fiery reds and another Iphone comes out, it signals…

(drumroll)

BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!

What will happen when your favorite Akatsuki members go to the mall to shop 'till they drop on Black Friday?


	2. Chapter 1: Itachi

Chapter 1: Itachi

**A/N: The MAC store I'm talking about is MAC cosmetics, not the Apple products**

**Also, I do not own any characters or stores, including MAC cosmetics, and is not writing these for them.**

**Enjoy!=＾● ⋏ ●＾=**

A blast of icy wind blew through the MAC store as Itachi came in. He strut past the white tinsel hung around the store and the silver Christmas tree. These things always confused Itachi… He was taught to prepare early for things but it was the day after Thanksgiving, and he didn't see the point.

Itachi strode past the lipstick and to the eye makeup counter. Sitting behind the counter was a bored sales clerk reading a copy of Teen Vogue. Wasting no time, Itachi said in his soft, mysterious voice, "I heard you had a new holiday selection for eye shadow. I would like to try it on." The bored blonde sales clerk looked even more bored and carefully places the Teen Vogue magazine on the white granite floor and groped under the counter until she found the two pallets she was looking for and placed it on the cold counter.

One eye shadow pallet had a shimmery, silver cover that bore the brand name and symbol, as well as a few polar bears, and the other eye shadow pallet was a shimmery gold and had a few Christmas ornaments on it.

Slightly confused, Itachi said, "Is the holiday collection 2 sets? I would like to buy both, but I don't want to over budget my savings. Especially that I have to buy a tub of cheek tint for my foolish little brother."

The sales clerk's glazed eyes look at him. "No, it doesn't, but this season MAC is trying to personalize its eye shadow pallets. This pallet," indicating to the silvery one, "is for winters," and indicating to the gold one, "and this one is for summers. This is the sample pallet, you can try it on if you want. If you like it and buy it, it comes with a free mini set of our metallic eye brow pencils," she said slightly exasperated, as if she had said this to a thousand of other customers who had no makeup experience whatsoever.

Itachi was indignant. Who was this sales clerk trying to say that he wasn't a makeup guru? "I'm a deep winter," Itachi replied deathly soft.

"Would you like me to put it on for you?" the sales clerk responded.

"No." Was his 1 word response.

She raised an eyebrow, slid the eye shadow pallet over to him, and continued pouring over her magazine.

Putting on eye makeup, even for an Akatsuki member, was a difficult process.

First, he wiped the eye shadow brush on his black Akatsuki cloak to clean it.

Next, Itachi panned through the 15 color set and decided he liked "We Wish You A Merry Christmas White" and "Snowflake Blue" the best, both which had a little shimmer, as well as glitter, on it.

Itachi decided he wanted a winged-eye look instead of the smokey-eye he originally wanted that would have made him look like a raccoon. (Coughs. Gaara!)

Using the brush, he carefully applied the shimmery white as his base coat, then with more precision then a pro MAC clerk could do, he daubed layers upon layers of blue eye shadow, occasionally adding a little white.

The finished result was a beautifully-done makeover. By Itachi's lash line was a deep, midnight blue, gradually getting lighter until his crease in his eye lids, with a little white above the crease to accentuate it.

He twisted around a different angles in front of the vanity mirror in front of him. He liked it, but was too fancy for daily use. Maybe he'd wear it during Christmas.

"Makeup remover please," the ninja stuck out his hand for a makeup remover wipe, and was handed one.

Itachi carefully blotted the makeup off, as he didn't want any more wrinkles or having to buy more super $$$$ wrinkle cream.

After making sure all the makeup was cleanly taken off, he went to the shelf nearby to take his own case of holiday eye shadow. Pivoting, he walked to the other end of the store to get the sparkly hot pink cheek tint he knew Sasuke would like.

At the checkout counter, a clerk asked him if he wanted the items he bought gift-wrapped, as she thought he was buying the makeup for his girlfriend. "No, I'm just wearing the makeup for the holidays," he replied, and the clerk gave him an odd look, but still put them in a MAC bag.

While walking out, the clerk said, "Have a nice day!"


	3. Chapter 2: Sasori and Deidara

**A/N: I do not own Bath and Body Works, Starbucks, or any of the characters.**

**Don't sue me, please.**

"Why do you have 3 quart-size containers of Pineapple Hair Conditioner?" Sasori asked, eyeing Deidara's hot pink Bath and Bodyworks basket warily.

"To keep my hair healthy, un" Deidara replied.

"Your hair will fall off with all those chemicals in the shampoo…"

"You're just jealous of my hair, Danna, un," said Deidara, flipping his Sailor Moon length blonde hair that would make every single girl jealous.

"Psh. As if," Sasori said.

"Fake puppet wigs don't count, un."

"MY HAIR ISN'T A WIG! It's my REAL hair! Just because I converted my chakra into puppet chakra doesn't mean I have a wig."

"Yeah, right. Whatever you say, Danna," Deidara sarcastically said. Flipping his hair over his shoulder, he walked to the other side of the Bath and Bodyworks store to look at their new collection, Code X-plosion.

Sasori clenched and unclenched his hands angrily. He would pay Itachi to put grape Kool-Aid powder in Deidara's conditioner tonight and turn Deidara's hair purple as an act of revenge. Right now, he had more important things to worry about. Like whether Pear- flavored sanitizer would clean Hiruko and his puppets well. Or whether his fans liked a spicy scent or strawberry scent. Or if Lemon body mist would make his hair shiny…

"Danna! Do you think the Rock Candy bath salts smell better than the Fresh Flower ones?"

"Why?" Sasori eyed the bath salts skeptically.

"Just because."

Sasori gave him a skeptical look.

"Fine, Danna, I'll tell you. Stop being so mean. See, if you mix a tub of bath salts and some lip gloss together, put a little uranium and explosive powder, you get an extremely flammamble substance. If you put it on anything plastic, it will set a fire 10 miles long…."

"I don't see how the scent matters." Sasori interrupted…giving a -_- face…

"The smoke from an explosion needs to give a positive connotation, otherwise people won't understand the art."

Sasori muttered, "I don't understand your art" and turned away, thinking what person would worship an androgynous psychopath who blows up random shit and calls it art. Real art is something that lasts and eternity, not a bomb.

Thoroughly examining each body lotion to find the strawberry-flavored one, Sasori begun to feel a little dizzy, even though his hands were still methodically searching for the strawberry body lotion. The smell was getting to him… That's why he _hated _going to this store. Usually, he didn't go in unless he had to, and even if he did, he would hold his breath until he got out. But, he had been there for 2 hours now. Sasori was even surprised that someone could even spend 30 minutes in the tiny store… There wasn't even enough stuff to look at. Sasori's deep pool of patience was now at a few cups. Not even bothering to turn around, Sasori deployed his long scorpion tail. It slithered out and tapped Deidara on the shoulder. Deidara pivoted. The long, scorpion tail gestured to the door, signaling time to leave.

Mouthing "Oh" Deidara gathered several tubes of various lip gloss and tossed them in his baskets.

In the checkout line, Sasori began to wonder if Deidara could pay for the 10 tubs of 10 dollar bath salts, 200 tubes of Cinnamon lip gloss, 200 more tubes of Lemon lip gloss, and at least the whole store's supply of Pineapple Hair conditioner and shampoo, not to mention the other Pineapple products that filled 8 baskets.

"Do you think you can pay for that?" asked Sasori.

"Of course, un! I would never buy too much and not pay, Danna!"

Still skeptical, Sasori commented, "I thought you left your terrorist bomber ID card with Tobi to buy you explosives, though. How are you going to get a discount?"

"I'm going to use your credit card, of course"

***Brief intermission as Deidara needs some aloe and bandages to heal the extremely painful slap Sasori employed on him****

"I was just kidding, Danna, un," Deidara said, covered in bandages. "I was going to use my Friends of Explosives membership card. I can use it as a credit card."

Doubtful, Sasori looked at him. Placing his basket on the counter for the clerk to bag, Sasori took out his matching Akatsuki Cloud wallet and paid for his Strawberry products in cash.

"Would that be all?" the clerk smiled at him.

Sasori gave one of his heart-melting smiles and said yes sweetly.

Now it was Deidara's turn to pay.

After waiting 3 hours for the clerk to register everything, Deidara used his Friends of Explosives membership card to pay.

"Would you like us to bring this to your car?" an army of Bath and Body Work employees choked out, holding Deidara's purchases.

"No thank you," Deidara said pleasantly, and with a Katsu! His giant clay bird appeared, took all of Deidara's purchases with his beak, and flied out of the store, splintering the glass windows.

"You're too flashy," Sasori commented.

"Ya think?" Deidara said, and they walked out of the store together to the nearest Starbucks.


End file.

Naruto, Humor, Parody