Invader Zim 1. Kidnappers

Okay, I forewarn you readers before you read this madness that I have no life and no idea where this is going. I was reading a Johnny the Homicidal Maniac fan fiction (well, maybe more than one...) when this miraculous idea of miracles appeared. It was originally going to be a JtHM one but I can't write Nny to save my life. As a matter of fact, I can't write Squee or Devi or Shmee either. I have no mad skillz that pay my billz even though I have no billz to pay.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters except for the ones you don't recognize, such as Polaris Eleven (which is moi) and Tory. All of these other characters are owned by the Almighty Jhonen Vasquez. I'd sell my soul for these characters except I already sold it to the devil so I could get a C in Pre-Algebra. So...No bargaining chips for me! ON WITH THE STORY!

* * *

Tory Thomas raced down the hallway to Polaris Eleven's room. She pounded on the door as if her life depended on it.

Polaris answered her door, looking exhausted. Franz Ferdinand played in the background and Polaris was holding the phone up to her ear.

"Oh did I interrupt?" Tory questioned her friend, listening to the music.

Polaris shook her head. "You ready for the fan fiction?"

"HELLZ YEAH! BRING IT ON MY HOMIE G-DOG BEEFY CHEESE YO!" Tory screamed cheerfully.

Polaris stared. "Okay... A bit too happy there... Anyways... Hold on a sec." Polaris shut the door and murmured something into the phone. She opened the door and allowed Tory entrance to Polaris's Amazing Room of Ever-So Spooky Doom.

Polaris set the phone down on her desk and clicked off her CD player.

"So what are we doing to write this fan fiction?" Tory asked.

"Uhm... Let's see... We're going to borrow Zim, GIR, Gaz, and Dib for a little while and write the madness..." Polaris paused and began hunting for any one of her three Invader Zim DVDs. "And maybe make a few friends along the way!"

Tory rolled her eyes at her friend's teacher-imitation.

"Aha! Found it!"

Polaris picked up "Invader Zim: Vol. 2: Progressive Stupidity" and popped it into her DVD player. She pressed Play and waited for the Media Blasters opening to stop and open up to the Main Menu. Polaris pressed Play once more and had her finger poised over a lime green button on her DVD remote.

"You ready for some insanity?" she asked.

"Of course!" Tory said as if it were the most obvious thing she'd ever heard.

"Alright," and with that Polaris pressed the button. Polaris and Tory disappeared from the room.

Something was wrong. Dib could sense it. Something was just no quite right today. He mentioned it to Gaz but Gaz groaned and told him to shut up.

Dib went to class, still having that odd feeling that something was wrong. Could it be Zim? No... Zim was in class, just sitting there probably working on his next plan of world conquest.

The bell rang and everyone was seated. Ms. Bitters started her lecture on different ways the world could end. Dib watched Zim listen intently but knew he wasn't going to use any of the ideas provided. Zim was too smart for that. Wait, no he was too stupid for that.

Dib received an unexpected tap on his shoulder from behind him. He spun around, wondering why someone would want to talk to him.

Behind him sat a girl he never noticed before. "Hola!" she greeted him.

Another girl Dib hadn't noticed before nudged the other one irritably. "That so was not in the script," she hissed, tossing her black hair from her shoulder.

"I don't care!" the one that tapped him said. "Polaris, how are we going to get them out of here? Maybe we can get them all go to the library... If there's a library..."

The other girl, Polaris, sighed and raised her hand. Ms. Bitters ignored it and went on with her speech on the Earth's eminent doom with a kind of religious fervor.

"She isn't answering..."

"I noticed, Captain Obvious."

"Alright." The girl sitting behind Dib said. She glanced up at him. "Okay, Dib? My name is Tory and we're...uh...we're going to..."

"Oh I don't know!" Polaris said. "Just grab him and go! I'll get Zim and Gaz. We'll pick up GIR later I suppose! Now go!"

Tory nodded and stood, grabbing Dib's shoulder. She pulled out some kind of remote control and pressed a button. Dib and Tory disappeared.

Polaris jumped up out of her seat and raced over to Zim's desk. She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him out of the classroom.

"You filthy pig-weasel! What are you doing?" Zim questioned with much confusion. "I am trying to have a normal skool day like any other skool child! Now let me resume my studies in peace!"

"Sorry Zim but that is impossible..." Polaris mumbled. She then realized how mildly annoying Zim's emphasizing every other word thing was.

Polaris tugged Zim down the hallway, searching for Gaz's classroom. After moments of hunting she found it. "Now, stay here Zim." Polaris said as if she were talking to a preschooler.

Polaris snuck into the classroom stealthily and edged over to Gaz's desk. Polaris moved behind Gaz and shook her.

"What?"

"Gaz... There's this awesome new game that just came out for the GS2! It's Vampire Piggy Hunter 3, with better graphics and harder levels... You wanna play?" Polaris lied.

Even if Gaz had said no, Polaris would have grabbed her and dragged her into the hallway with Zim, which was what she ended up doing anyway.

"Bring me back to class right now! If you value your life any, you will bring me back right now!" Gaz demanded.

"Gimme a second..." Polaris mumbled, not listening.

Gaz curled her hands into a fist and was about the swing when Tory appeared in a flash of green light.

"You got Dib right?" Polaris asked.

Tory nodded. She grabbed Gaz's arm, Polaris's arm, and Zim's head. Polaris pushed the lime green button and they vanished from the hallway, leaving a hall monitor in shock. He turned around and ran to the skool therapist's office, under the impression that his medication wasn't working.

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AND NOW FOR AN AUTHOR'S NOTE....

My God it sounded horrible didn't it?! Ack, I knew it I knew it! No mad skillz... sob Pfft I don't care! Well, yes I do but oh well! If you guys hang with me and deal with my crappy beginning chapters you will be greatly rewarded! Please review.... I need something else besides medication to keep me from going sane... No Mommy, I swear I've been taking my pills this time... I swear... I'm not lying... They aren't working anymore... No Mommy not the belt! I don't need a whipping! I'm not lying!

Maybe I do need some pills... Hmmm...


	2. Frozen In Zimworld

Curses! Obscene language! (Insert your own word here!) Okay here's the deal-io! I posted that up way to soon so there are some mistakes and please, please, please forgive me for that!! Any-fricking-way, do any of you people out there know how to edit something that's already been posted? I'm so stupid...

Did you like my opening chapter? Thought not... Tee hee! I read this kick-ass fan fiction but it referred to toast a lot so I'm craving toast... But I'm too lazy to go get up and make some. And I already had breakfast... COCOA PUFFS! Woo hoo!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing... YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP RUBBING IT IN! (Starts crying)

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"What the hell?" Polaris exclaimed, frustrated. "What happened?"

"Is it supposed to do that?" Tory asked. Polaris glared at her.

"Excuse me but what was supposed to do that? AND WHERE ARE WE?" Dib roared.

"Calm down, sheesh!" Polaris and Tory said in unison.

This poor, poor insane group was frozen in Zim's house. Nothing worked. The doors wouldn't open, Zim couldn't access his underground lair, and it seemed to be like time was frozen in Invader Zim world. The end was near. But, on a happier note, Gaz was taking her anger out on a video game in her Game Slave 2 instead of any of the others.

"My base! My beautiful base! You've killed ZIM'S BASE!" Zim cried. Zim frantically tried to go down the toilet elevator but it wouldn't go. He kicked it and hopped up and down on it.

Tory stood behind him and watched him curiously. "It isn't working, ya know."

"How dare you tell Zim what he already knows!" Zim yelled.

Polaris and Tory glanced at each other. "Did you already know that?"

"Of course I—" Zim froze. "I mean, uh, oh your feeble Earth brains cannot fathom my master plan!"

"Is your master plan jumping up and down on a toilet? Because that's what it looks like..." Polaris trailed off. She resumed pounding on the remote.

"Okay, okay, okay," Tory shut her eyes, making a mind block. "We're trapped in Zim's house, no food, no water, no bathroom, and now we're all slowly going insane. Great, just great."

"Isn't it though?" Polaris said absentmindedly.

Dib stood behind Polaris and observed her attempts on fixing the remote. Dib pushed Polaris's hands out of the way and took the remote.

"Hey—"

Dib turned it around and opened the battery container. "They're dead..."

"WE'RE DEAD? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! WE'RE DEAD!" Tory screamed and ran around in circles. "IS THIS HEAVEN? WAIT NO... BUT WE'RE DEAD? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!" Tory ran into a corner and rocked back and forth, in the fetal position.

"Someone forgot to take her pills this morning," Polaris mused before returning her gaze to Dib. "Okay, so they're dead? We need batteries. ZIM! YO, YOU GOT ANY BATTERIES? THE FATE OF uh... US SURVIVING DEPENDS ON IT!"

Zim leapt down from the toilet and shadowed over Polaris's shoulder. "Filthy human-stink batteries? Hah! Zim has no batteries!"

Polaris wiped the spit from her face that Zim left behind. "Thank you."

Zim stared. "You're welcome?"

Polaris sighed and glanced over at Tory, who was still having her mental breakdown. Polaris surveyed the room hopefully. The TV wouldn't have any batteries... Neither would the couch... Or that awesome monkey picture... Fridge? No... Polaris heard a game-like noise coming from the couch. She spun and saw...Gaz.

With a Game Slave 2.

Polaris stared at Gaz's game system. Dib traced her gaze to Gaz and his eyes widened in shock.

"Polaris... Not a good idea! She'll rip you limb from limb!" He paused. "Literally."

"It's better than being trapped here for all eternity..." Polaris dashed over to Gaz and snatched the video game system from her hands. Polaris, being slightly taller than Gaz, held it up as high as she could and proceeded to take the batteries out.

"Give me back my Game Slave or I will make your life a miserable hole of shame and horrors..." Gaz said quietly.

"You're in for it now." Dib said and he climbed up on top of the refrigerator, away from his scary sister. Zim and Tory followed suit.

"Hold on... One moment," Polaris mumbled and she pulled both batteries out. She handed the now dead game system to its rightful owner and ran to the refrigerator with the others and climbed to her safety. She quickly popped the batteries into the remote. She pointed it at the group on the fridge and pressed the lime green button.

Huge puffs of lime green smoke erupted from the remote and it began to vibrate viciously. It started shaking so hard that Polaris was being moved along with it and she knocked Dib to the ground with a loud "Nyah!"

Everyone in the room started choking and hacking; the smoke was so thick that they couldn't breathe. Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, the remote exploded and GIR stood in the middle of the broken pieces.

"Aw, your little stick's broken! Woo! RUN RACECAR RUN!" GIR shrieked happily as the little robot picked up a shard of plastic that looked faintly like a car and pushed it around.

* * *

AND NOW FOR AN AUTHOR'S NOTE...

Woo!!! I liked that one much better, if you agree please respond! YEE-HA! And if "Run racecar run" didn't sound like GIR, then I want you to listen to him on a episode to refresh your memory and then reread it. It sounds like him. It took me ten minutes to come up with that. Trust me, it sounds somewhat like him.

CHAPTER TWO HAS BEEN COMPLETED! PAR-TAY! And now drop your jaws in shock: I have a PLOT!

Oh my God, oh my God, we're dead! MWA HAHA!

--Polaris Eleven...Saturday 3.28PM


	3. The Anger of Gaz Unleashed

Hello again dear friend(s)! How are you today? ...Good! Me too! Except for the fact that my life is in ruins! Oh joyous! (grumbles something) Anyways! READY FOR SOME STORY COZ I SURE AS HELL AM! WOO HOO!! I've had some of this in my head all day so it is finally free...

DISCLAIMER: (insert witticism here that says--in a nutshell--that I don't own anything except Polaris and Tory)

* * *

Grim faces greeted the group as the smoke cleared from the room. Zim hopped down from the fridge and proceeded once more to get his toilet elevator working. Dib climbed back up on top of the fridge and sat with his back against the wall, admitting defeat. Polaris dangled her legs and stared at the floor intently while Tory and GIR entertained themselves. Gaz just stood by the window and looked out.

"Is this it?" Polaris finally asked. "Is this how it's going to end?"

Silence.

"So we're just going to roll over and accept defeat? Just let this situation get the best of us?" Polaris questioned the group.

Zim's stomping from the kitchen faltered.

"Well? Is that the case?" Polaris grew angry. "Is it? Just sit here and die?"

Dib looked over at her. "I don't know. I mean, what else is there to do?"

"There has to be some other way out of here..." Polaris said quietly. She glanced at the door hopefully. Gaz saw this and shook her head.

"I already tried that..."

Polaris sighed. "So this is it."

"Well aren't we a cheery group?" Tory commented.

"Cherry?" GIR questioned. "Cherry?" GIR stood up and started to sing, "I'm a cherry, you're a cherry, we're all cherries, CHERRY! CHERRY! CHERRY!" GIR began to break-dance.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at GIR. Tory started laughing and danced along with him.

"This is stupid," Gaz said and crossed her arms. "We're trapped in Zim's dumb house with all of the 'alien' technology and the only way to get to Zim's underground lair is through a toilet. Stupid."

"I agree with you there," Polaris sighed and swished her legs violently.

Dib nodded. Banging noises came from the kitchen, signifying that Zim was once more trying to get the toilet elevator to work.

"You're wrong," GIR said in a singsong voice. Polaris, Tory, Dib, and Gaz's heads all shot up and stared at the crazy robot.

"What do you mean by that, GIR?" Dib questioned him slowly.

GIR screamed. "CRAZY BIG-HEAD BOY! TOAST IS FOR MIDGETS!"

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

"Yes it is..."

"Mm hmm."

"What does toast have to do with anything?"

"Dammit, now I'm hungry. Thanks a lot!"

Tory sat down beside the robot and pushed her hair from her shoulders. "Now, GIR, can you please explain why you said Gaz was wrong?"

GIR giggled insanely.

Gaz flew across the room and picked up the robot. She shook GIR ferociously. "You will tell us what you mean and you will tell us NOW."

GIR was unfazed. "Scary girl! Scary girl! Purple isn't your color!"

Polaris laughed. Gaz shot daggers at her and growled, "I'd shut up if I were you... It's your fault we're here."

Polaris's laughter stopped abruptly and she looked down, letting her long black hair turn into a silky curtain, hiding her face from view.

Gaz's attention returned to the insane robot she was holding by the neck. "TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN NOW!"

GIR sighed in mock sadness. "Oh okay." He stopped and looked around. "My tacos! Where are my tacos? TACOS!"

Gaz's face mutated to a look of pure anger, a look Dib had never seen fully.

"GIR, if you value being alive any, you'll tell Gaz. Please don't give her an excuse to amputate you," Dib pleaded.

Gaz shook the robot. "Tell me now or I'll make you wish you'd never had a taco in your life!"

"TACO!" cried GIR. "WHERE ARE MY TACOS? TACO, COME BACK TO ME! TACO!!!"

Zim had been following the whole conversation with GIR while he was trying to 'unclog' the toilet elevator. "Your tacos? Those smelly things? I threw them away," Zim said with a flick of the wrist that indicated the trashcan.

Polaris's head shot up. Tory and Polaris both looked at each other.

"The trash can," they said in unison.

"What?" Dib asked. "What is it?"

Polaris shoved Dib off her and jumped off the refrigerator. Tory got up from the couch and they met at the trashcan. Tory looked at Polaris and she nodded. Tory pressed the foot pedal and the lid lifted.

* * *

Oooohhhh! The suspense! Will the trashcan thingy open or not (dramatic music with a kazoo)? Oh and be thankful for this chapter. I almost lost it when my computer decided to be a stupid beaver and "not respond". CURSE YOU COMPUTER, CURSE YOU!

THANK YOU KIND REVIEWER! I forgot to say thanks in my opening note... Tee he! (I'm such a loser) I give you a virtual uh...brownie! (hands reviewer a brownie) Do you wanna brownie? THEN REVIEW! NO BROWNIE FOR YOU UNLESS YOU REVIEW! MWA HAHA! And reading this would be nice too...

Hehe, I got out of going to church school saying I had too much homework... Which I haven't done yet! Mwa haha! Maybe I should start on it... Hmm... Yeah, I should I suppose...(scuffs shoe on the floor sadly)

Bye! Sorry for the cliff-hanger!

--Polaris Eleven...9.02PM


End file.

Invader Zim, Drama, Humor