Harry Potter 1. Ladies

Ron and Hermione Weasley In: The Newlywed Game!  
  
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Chapter One: Ladies  
  
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I'm trying to keep this PG, everyone, so no, I'm not going to ask any questions containing THAT WORD, and if you've seen the Newlywed Game you know what WORD I'm talking about. Remember: PG. That's it.  
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Disclaimer: Ron and Hermione belong to JKR, the other  
characters...are...don't really matter much, Bob Eubanks belongs to...himself...Newlywed Game now belongs to Gameshow Network, which doesn't belong to...me. There. Is that enough disclaiming, so you won't sue me now?  
  
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*Peppy background music plays. A deep-voiced Hollywood-type announcer starts speaking*  
  
Announcer: Hello, and welcome to...The Newlywed Game! Here we have our couples for the day -  
  
*Camera pans to couple number one*  
  
Announcer: Couple number one is Bob and Jane Smith; they've been married two years!  
  
*Audience claps, and camera pans to couple number two*  
  
Announcer: Couple number two is Ron and Hermione Weasley; they've been married one year!  
  
*Audience claps, there is a whistle and a shout, camera pans to couple three*  
  
Announcer: Couple three is Joe and Betty Johnson; they've been married for fifteen months!  
  
*Audience claps and camera pans to couple number four*  
  
Announcer: Couple number four is Fred and Sara Schitzlefritzel...itzle...itzele...itzlel...Fred and Sara!  
  
*Fred and Sara Miller glare up at announcer*  
  
Announcer: Erm...heh, heh. And...were...were here on...The Newlywed Game! And here's the star of The Newlywed Game, Bob Eubanks!  
  
*Bob Eubanks comes out of the door, and peppy background music blares*  
  
Bob: Welcome to The Newlywed Game! Now that we have our couples, we'll be back in a few minutes to see how our ladies do predicting what their husbands will say...stay tuned, after these messages!  
  
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Tall Person: You're probably wondering why I'm standing here telling you what you're probably wondering. The fact is I'm not. I'm sitting now! On this really comfy furniture!  
  
Announcer: That's right! Ted is sitting on Cra-Z Boy furniture!  
  
Tall Person: Cra-Z Boy is the greatest furniture ever! You should like, buy it or something, I forgot my line. Oh, and uh, my name's not Ted, so...  
  
Voice: Cut! What are you doing? This is a cheap $50 commercial; you can't forget your line!  
  
Tall Person: How much am I getting paid for this again?  
  
Voice: What do you mean, "paid?" Get out of here!  
  
*Irritable face appears on screen*  
  
Irritable Face: Will you get out of here?!  
  
*Camera blanks out*  
  
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Bob: Now were back to The Newlywed Game! The husbands are secluded off stage, and now we're ready to ask our wives some questions. Ready, ladies?  
  
*Ladies nod*  
  
Bob: All right! Our first question, ladies: How long was the relationship between you and your husband strictly platonic? Couple number four - Sara!  
  
Sara: Uh...about five minutes, I suppose.  
  
*Hermione looks shocked*  
  
Bob: Okay, how about you, Betty? How long was the relationship between you and your husband strictly platonic?  
  
Betty: Um, well, actually, um...about three days, I guess.  
  
Bob: How about you Jane?  
  
Jane: Probably an hour or so.  
  
Bob: Hermione? How long were you and Ron strictly platonic friends?  
  
Hermione: Um...it all depends on what you call platonic. Does it start when he was all jealous of me going out with other guys, or when we went on our first date, or what?  
  
Bob: Well, I dunno! Why don't you just give me your answer?  
  
Hermione: About five years then.  
  
Bob: Well! Golly, you didn't seem to like dating too much, did you?  
  
Hermione: Well - and Ron will have a completely different answer, the way he is, he'll say two seconds, just to be romantic or something - we were all one little trio for a while - Ron and Harry, our best friend, and I. We went to the same school and were in the same group and classes and year and everything. We went to a boarding school in Scotland; you see...we never really thought about love until we were fifteen. Well, Ron was sixteen. So we were all friends for the longest time, and Ron and I were...well, you know.  
  
Bob: Yes. Next question, ladies: What would you say was your husband's least favorite color, and the color you love to see most on him? Betty?  
  
Betty: Um, well, aheheh, well, he...doesn't...like...green. I suppose my answer is green.  
  
Bob: Okay! How about you, Hermione:  
  
Hermione: *Sighs reminiscently* Maroon.  
  
Bob: *Laughs* Okay! Now, Jane, what is your husband's least favorite color, and the color you love to see him wear?  
  
Jane: That'd be pink.  
  
Bob: *Laughs* Pink!  
  
Jane: Yep, pink, darlin'. He hates pink. But he looks so good in it, you know? Pink.  
  
Bob: Okay, Sara.  
  
Sara: I'll have to say green as well.  
  
Bob: Okay, thanks. Our next question is, ladies, I want you to finish this sentence, this is you talking: If I could choose one member of my husband's family to be my favorite, I'd probably choose "blank," but I would definitely NOT choose "blank!" Jane?  
  
Jane: Him and his mother.  
  
Bob: Excuse me?  
  
Jane: Him and his mother - he's my favorite and his mother's not, him and his mother.  
  
Bob: *Chuckles* Okay, Sara?  
  
Sara: His sister's my favorite, and um...the one who's not my favorite...um...his...brother?  
  
Bob: Okay, that'll work! Betty?  
  
Betty: Um...well...I guess my favorite's him and...I guess...I'm really sorry, too...his...nephew.  
  
Bob: Hermione?  
  
Hermione: My favorite, besides of course Ronald, would be his father. My least favorite, and I'm sure they'll perfectly understand, is his twin brothers, Fred and George.  
  
Bob: Okay, thank you ladies, we'll be back in a moment to see what their husbands will say after these messages!  
  
*Peppy music returns, everyone clapping in time to it* 


	2. Gentlemen's Answers

Ron and Hermione Weasley In The Newlywed Game  
  
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Chapter Two: Gentlemen's Answers  
  
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Disclaimer: All the usual. JKR's, Bob Eubanks', Gameshow Network's, basically what I said last chapter.  
  
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*Peppy background music plays, camera pans around the room, then cuts to Bob Eubanks*  
  
Bob: Welcome back to The Newlywed Game, ladies and gentlemen, our couples are back, and we're here to see how well our wives predicted what their husbands will say. Are you all ready?  
  
*Couples nod and make ascending noises*  
  
Bob: Okay. Now, gentlemen, our first question was: How long was the relationship between you and your husband strictly platonic? Fred, Sara?  
  
Fred: Well...I don't know, we actually went on a blind date, and we weren't really going for a platonic relationship. We really...about ten minutes.  
  
*Sara claps her hand to her head in frustration and holds up card*  
  
Bob: She said FIVE minutes, I'm sorry!  
  
Fred: Five minutes? We hadn't even gotten to the restaurant in five minutes! How could it have been -  
  
Sara: I don't know! I was just saying a reasonable amount of minutes, I don't know what you -  
  
Fred: Oh, you, oh, phhht.  
  
Bob: Okay, now couple number three, Betty and Joe, how long was your relationship together strictly platonic? Joe?  
  
Joe: Um, well...uh, um, er...a - a couple of - maybe three days, I - I guess.  
  
*Betty holds up card and hides her face behind it*  
  
*Joe blushes and holds Betty's hand*  
  
Bob: That's what she said! Okay, that's great, you scored on your first question - now, we're over to Jane and Bob, oh, nice name, by the way. Bob?  
  
Bob Smith: Um...well, I...I don't know, I suppose it was...now what was it? I...what was the question?  
  
Bob: How long was your relationship with your wife -  
  
Bob Smith: Oh, oh yeah, I...uh, well...an hour?  
  
*Jane dryly holds up her card*  
  
*Judges ring bell of approval*  
  
Jane: *pats her husband on the head like a good puppy* Good job, you did somethin' right this time.  
  
Bob: Okay! *chuckles* Ron and Hermione?  
  
Ron: Probably about two seconds. *Smiles dreamily at Hermione* No. Not really. We were platonic for about five years before we started really being more than that.  
  
Hermione: *Gives Ron a playful nudge* *Holds up card* How is it that I can predict you so well?  
  
Ron: Probably because you've known me for ten years.  
  
Hermione: You're probably right.  
  
Bob: Okay! We'll come back and see the next predictions after these messages.  
  
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Girl: Hey!  
  
Boy: Hey!  
  
Girl: Are you hungry?  
  
Boy: Uh...no.  
  
Girl: *Whispers* You're supposed to be hungry! Say you're hungry!  
  
Boy: Oh. Uh...yeah.  
  
Girl: Okay! Then why not try these?  
  
Boy: What is it?  
  
Girl: It's...food, I forgot my line.  
  
Voice: What are you doing? This is a less cheap $75 dollar commercial! You can't forget your line!  
  
Boy: And I'm not really hungry, so...How much are we getting paid for this?  
  
Voice: "Paid?" What is this "paid?" Why does everyone keep asking about "paid?"  
  
*Irritable face appears in front of camera*  
  
Irritable face: If you don't turn that thing off right now I swear I will make you miserable beyond belief. Even if you quit.  
  
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Bob: Okay! We're back, and we've just got two more questions for our husbands to answer, so here we are, next question, gentleman, what did your wife say was your least favorite color, but the color she loves to see most on you? Joe?  
  
Joe: Um...well - I - don't...I don't really...like...green.  
  
Betty: Hehe. *Blushes and holds up card*  
  
*Joe smiles at Betty*  
  
Bob: Ron?  
  
Ron: *Sighs resignedly* Maroon.  
  
Hermione *Jumps up and down* Yippee! *Holds up card*  
  
*Kiss*  
  
*Ron looks annoyed*  
  
Bob: Okay, how about you, Bob?  
  
Bob Smith: Uh...let's see...orange?  
  
Jane: *Holds up card* No, you knuckle head! *Hits him on the head with card* It's pink, you hate pink, it's your least favorite color!  
  
Bob Smith: But my least favorite color is ora -  
  
Jane: No, it's not! You hate pink, your least favorite color is pink, now why didn't you say pink?!  
  
Bob Smith: I didn't know -  
  
Jane: Well, that teaches you to assume. When you assume you make an -  
  
Bob: O-o-okay! Time for Fred to answer - Fred, what was your answer here?  
  
Fred: Well, Bob, I think I'll have to say yellow.  
  
Sara: *Holds up card* Yellow? Since when do you look good in yellow? You've never even worn yellow, so how in the world would you -  
  
Fred: I was just stating my least favorite color, I didn't know you'd never seen me in yellow, how am I supposed to know if you keep -  
  
Sara: Oh, you, oh, phhht.  
  
Bob: Next question, ladies and gentlemen, this is your wife talking: If I could choose one member of my husband's family to be my favorite, I'd probably choose "blank," but I definitely would NOT choose "blank." Bob?  
  
Bob Smith: Um, my...uh...what was the question agai - oh, oh, yes...what's uh, uh, well, her favorite in the family is my - my uh - my mother, and the least favorite in the family is my sister.  
  
*Jane holds up card*  
  
Jane: Hello? I hate your mother. What were you thinking? Your MOTHER?  
  
Bob Smith: Uh, well, I didn't -  
  
Jane: Move on.  
  
Bob: Yes, yes. Joe?  
  
Joe: Um, well...um, I...her favorite...I suppose I'm her favorite...I guess - Um, she doesn't really get along with David, my...my nephew...  
  
*Betty holds up card and squeals happily*  
  
Bob: And that's what she said! Fifteen points! Now, Sara? Fred?  
  
Fred: She hates my brother.  
  
Sara: *nudges Fred with her elbow* Fred! What if he's watching?!  
  
Fred: Oh, well, I already said it, didn't I?  
  
Sara: That's not the point -  
  
Fred: Okay - and she adores my sister.  
  
Sara: *holds up card* Yay!  
  
Bob: Fifteen points! Okay, Hermione, Ron, let's see if you do as well on this question.  
  
Ron: Um. Her favorite? Me, I guess. Her least favorite...Fred and George probably, they're my twin brothers. Real...practical jokers. Yeah.  
  
*Hermione groans and holds up the card*  
  
Hermione: I thought he meant besides you!  
  
Ron: Well couple one did it, didn't they?  
  
Hermione: I wasn't paying attention!  
  
Ron: Well! I never thought I'd live to see the day when Hermione Granger said she wasn't paying attention.  
  
Hermione: The last name's Weasley now.  
  
Ron: Oh. Yeah, I knew that.  
  
*Both start snickering*  
  
Bob: Okay, that's enough. Stay tuned, our husbands are about to predict what their wives will say here on...The Newlywed Game!  
  
*Peppy music starts up again, everyone clapping in time to it* 


End file.

Harry Potter, Humor, Romance