One Piece 1. 1 Sake

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece, sadly.

The inspiration for the story stems from the fact that I adore Zoro, and I view myself as a feminine version of Sanji, minus the eyebrows and smoking. My very first fanfiction, and I genderbend a character, go figure. Review please, so I'll be motivated to post more. (-:

Z=Zoro, S=Sanji

* * *

Z:  
She irritates me. Everything about her is annoying. All she does is gawk, cook, and literally kick ass. That was her power: a kick on steroids that hurts like hell. That irritating cook just woke me up.

"You bastard! All you do is sleep and end up getting lost at every island we go to, at least help with the sails, _Marimo_!" She snarled.  
"Shut up, Eyebrows! At least I don't look stupid gaping at every bishounen at every island!"

She and I always managed to have these call-outs and staredowns. Towards the end we were usually just furrow-browed and growling at each other because we ran out of words.

"Zoro! Sanji! Stop fighting! Both of you are useless if you're gonna fight each other instead of paying attention," Nami shouted at us. It was true though, so I reluctantly retreated to go help with the sails. We were leaving Water 7, where Luffy managed to recruit a shipwright-hentai named Franky. All he wore was an opened Hawaiian shirt and panties. We were all tired and sentimental, since just lost our Going Merry, but Franky went to extremes to build our Thousand Sunny with some special wood, and it looks like a grand addition to our crew. Luffy had a way of changing people's hearts, despite the dumbass he is, and Franky was an example of that. In fact, we all are. Because of him, I went from pirate hunter to pirate, Nami went from pirate thief and hater to a loyal straw-hat, Usopp sacrificed his title of captain, Chopper stopped fearing people and joined us, Sanji went from restaurant "heir" to straw-hat cook, and Robin gained a will to live as one of us. Not to mention every island we've been to changed drastically once we arrived. We all respect him (and mourn his idiocy) for his character and charisma.

I finished up with the sails, and realized that due to the recent fight with the cook, I probably wasn't getting any food, so instead I'll sleep.

* * *

S:  
That bastard! He dozed off again, this time just outside the kitchen. Doesn't he know I won't feed him in this mood? Well, I feel pretty tired myself. Enies Lobby and the incredible partying took all I got. At least we were at sea again, heading towards Fishman Island, the new place where the log post pointed. Apparently it's underwater, so I have no clue how we're going to get there, but knowing Luffy and Nami, we'll manage.

"Uwoooaaahh! That's cool, Franky! What else can you do?" Luffy and Chopper were starry-eyed and in awe of our new cyborg-hentai nakama. If only he was handsome, then I wouldn't mind the hentai side of him. Anyways, I better cook up something to prepare us for the journey. I walked into the kitchen to check our meat supply, and all I could do was sigh. Our crew had eight people, but ate like eight hundred men, mostly because of Luffy. There was plenty if sake, though, meaning we'll have at least one happy crew member, even though that Marimo doesn't deserve it.

"Gomu Gomu Stamp!"

"Strong right!"

"Onigiri!"

When did he wake up? What the hell was going on. I rushed out to see what the commotion was and quickly realized I needed to prepare for a feast. Finally, we had a decent amount of meat from a sea monster.

"Sanji! Can you cook whatever the hell this is for us?" Luffy asked, drooling and smiling like a dumbass.

"I can cook anything!" I replied with a smile just as big and idiotic. Wasn't I mad a moment ago? Oh, well. Any crew under Luffy can't stay unhappy for long. "Bring in the meat!" I shouted then made my way to the kitchen. I think I'll make soumen with whatever the hell this fish was.

* * *

Z:  
"Whoo, I'm stuffed! That was a tasty sea monster. Time for sake!" I patted my belly. I guess Sanji was good for the crew once you get past how irritating she can be. Maybe all that time between each cigarette turned her into a teme.

"It's a good thing back at Water 7, they gave us more sake than food," Sanji brought out the bottles of sake, and frankly, it was too much to carry. There was a bottle in each hand along with three in each of her arms which threatened to fall... Wait...

"Here we go! Can't have spilt sake everywhere!" I grabbed four bottles and handed three of them out before sitting back down by the mast. After I sat down and looked back I saw a strange look on Sanji's face as she handed out the rest. Was her face a little red?

"Haha, Zoro's love for sake knows no end," Usopp laughed.

"Yup! Sake is the best in the world!" I took a swig of the best tasting fluid in the world to hide the fact that I was turning red. Curse my face, why did it choose to turn red? Why did I even help Sanji? Normally, if she dropped it, I would've shouted at her. At least everyone was drinking, so no one noticed my expression. I hope. Only me, Nami, Robin, and Sanji wouldn't get drunk so easily. Wait, where'd Sanji go? Meh, she's probably lighting one up.

This is a good party, the first night in celebration of our Sunny. Thanks to Franky, we have a great ship, now it's time to drain the night away...

* * *

S:  
It takes a lot of sake to get Nami down, but even she had to join the knocked-out bunch.

"Fufufu, last drunkard down." Robin joined me in watching the crew from above the cabin.

"Yeah, that woman can hold her liquor." Robin was fairly quiet and very observative, but her sense of humor is... demented. Sometimes she says the weirdest things. At least she was good at gathering information.

"I haven't properly thanked all of you. You guys gave me a reason to live, even though we declared war on the world."

"Haha don't worry about it, you gave us your friendship and we gave you another chance at life. It's a fair trade if you ask me."

She smiled, and for a moment, we just watched our nakama sleep. Luffy, Chopper, and Franky slept equally ridiculously. They had snot bubbles and snore; it was cute, in a grotesque sort of way. Nami slept sprawled on her back, the result of too much drinking. Usopp was pretty peaceful, although face down. His nose will hurt tomorrow. Zoro was wasted, but for some reason, he managed to stay sitting up against the mast, arms crossed. In perspective, he was the only normal looking guy we had, aside from his three swords and striking handsomeness. Now that I think about it, he was pretty built, tall, and masculine. Damn, I can't start thinking about that bastard as hot. No. Not even after he actually helped me for once. Damn Marimo can't change on me like that.

"You've been staring over there for quite a while," I completely forgot Robin was here.

"Really? Zoning out is really unconventional." Lies. Lies from the depths of hell, you fool.

"Fufufu. I'm going to go to sleep."

"I should, too."


	2. 2 I Won't Tell

_Yay! Another chapter so soon!_ So this chapter is twice as long as chapter one, what? I know, I know, but if it helps, I originally planed having longer chapters. After this chapter, I'll do a time skip, jumping ahead towards the end of Thriller Bark arc, because y'all know what happens anyways (I think).

Just so we don't forget, Z= Zoro, S= Sanji

* * *

Z:  
What the hell was I thinking? Helping out that Ero-cook... And in front of everyone! How did our stupid rivalry start anyways? I've long forgotten. All I know is that I hate her.

_All you know is nothing._

What the fuck? Why is there a goddamn voice in my head insulting me? And why the fuck does it sound like that fucking good-for-nothing cook? _Go away baka Ero-cook._

_And, what? Leave you to sulk in your primitive thought processing? _

This damn voice was getting on my nerves. It sounded and acted exactly like that teme for a cook. _I don't want to deal with this. Why the hell are you even in my mind, swirl-brows?_

_To irritate you even in your dreams_, came the reply.

_Well, fucking shit. This dream sucked the moment you spoke from that fucking blabber-mouth. All I want is dreamless sleep, fuck off._This was way too irritating and shitty for me to even enjoy sleep. That Ero-cook had to sneak her way into my mind, without even appearing in person, so I couldn't sanely argue. Fuck this. I'm already insane for having this fucking dream.

_Aw, miss me?_ She said and appeared in front of me. I gritted my teeth. This was fucking worse than just a voice, why did I even bother thinking of her appearing. I just wished she'd fucking go away, since I can't fight her. She's a fucking girl. It's times like these I wished she was a man so I could beat the living hell out of her. Or him, I should say. Eh, fuck it. Who cares? I'm stuck with a shitty cook that I can't beat the crap out of. Her fucking blonde hair and shitty eyebrows made me scowl and I just hated her. So why the hell was she here, irritating me in my own fucking dream, and fucking smirking about it? _Fuck off. Don't make me say it again. Or I'll strangle you into oblivion._

_We both know you wouldn't do such a thing, even to me._

_Fuck you, it's my dream. I'll do whatever the hell I want._

_And how is that working for you so far?_

I paused. Shit. She had a point, even though I hate to admit it. If I could do whatever the hell I wanted, I would have cast her out a long time ago, but all I could do was face her and argue, even though it was supposed to be my fucking dream. This was almost worse than real life. At least out there Luffy, Nami, Usopp and the others would provide distractions once we got into a heated arguement. Here, there was nothing but me and her, so I felt every bit of her presence irking me to no end. Even here, she lit one up and puffed in my face, causing me to cough and shoot daggers out of my eyes in her direction. The sides of my head started throbbing, and wanted to give her a good beating, but even in this dream I couldn't fucking hurt a girl.

_What's that? Cat got your tongue?_

_Don't push your luck._

_Haha, you won't have to put up longer, Marimo. I don't feel like talking to brainless gorillas like you. Bye now._

Well that was fucking weird. My own conjured-up image of swirlybrows was insulting me, the very cause of it's existance. I felt very annoyed that my own mind decided to torture me with her prescence. This had to be an alcohol-induced nightmare, but at least now she was gone. And now I have some time to think clearly. I still have no clue why the fuck I actually helped her, and then went ahead and blushed about it. What the hell was I thinking? Retracing my thoughts seems to be the best way to understanding, I think.

I was looking at her, carrying all that sake, on the verge of dropping it all. Did that Ero-cook even think about keeping the sake safe? Her struggling figure was kinda helpless, though. As I was looking at the sake, I couldn't help but notice her figure that was close to the sake bottles, especially a fairly large chest area. It was as if the sake bottles were trying to compete for space, but failing. I don't even why the hell I was looking there, but looking I found out she was hot. Dammit! No. That Ero-cook is my rival, I can't think about her that way. Shit, now I forgot why I started thinking about it again.

"Rise and shine, marimo shit-face," that teme woke me with her face much too close and a plate of food in her hand. She deliberately puffed in my face, and I growled, as did my stomach. "Haha, can't handle a little smoke in your face?"

"What the fuck do you want? Just here to annoy me?"

"No, your stomach was growling in your sleep, so Luffy told me to shut it up with food, baka. It's a wonder how long you slept, its already around three." She left the plate on the floor in front of me and walked away. I flipped her off for being annoying even in my dreams before picking up the plate and stuffing my face. It tasted good like always, but I couldn't soften my expression or compliment her cooking because she's fucking annoying.

I got up and walked to the kitchen to get rid of my dish so I could work out. When I entered, I cursed, since that shitty cook was in there. There's no escaping washing my dish now.

"Wash your dish, Marimo."

"Or what?"

"I'm pretty sure you'd want dinner if your going to work out."

"Fuck you, swirly brows."

"It's every man's dream to."

"What the fuck?! No one wants to, concieted Ero-cook."

"Marimo head."

"Shut up, dart-brows!"

"Just wash the damn dishes. I don't feel like arguing with a brainless gorilla." I fumed. Now she dumped all the dishes on me, just great. My temples throbed with rage while I washed the dishes. This task was wasting my time and it was so fucking boring. It looked like no one bothered to wash their own dish, and apparently Luffy just ate, too. I was going to be here a while. "Why the hell can't you do them instead of smoking?"

"Do you really want to ask that when you know how I am without one of these? Besides, you could do something useful besides eat and sleep." She sighed. It was a cute sound. It was not a sigh of exasperation, though, as I'd expect, but it was more like she was off in her own little Ero-cook mind. "Having your typical perverted daydreams, swirly brows?" I turned to her and sneered.

"Fuck you." Her face turned red.

"It's every woman's dream to."

"What the fuck, you can't steal my insult!"

"What, so you're lesbian? That's amusing."

"Pervert marimo! I'm not lesbian!"

"Why the fuck would I want to see you fucking anyone, baka?! I meant that it was funny!"

"Hurry up and finish the dishes, baka marimo. I'm leaving." She stepped on her cigarette and left. So she _was_ having her damn perverted daydreams. I wonder who she could be having them about, since she only does that when there's someone to look at and daydream about. Did she have a fucking magazine? Whatever, I can't really linger on this or I'd make myself sick, plus I've still got all these damn dishes.

* * *

S:  
What the fuck was I thinking? That Marimo should never invade my thoughts like that. With those damn sexy muscles and tight, sweaty shirt. Damn, why was I even imagining him working out? His arms flexing everytime he lifted those weights, beads of sweat dripping down his cute face. Wait, no! This isn't happening! But, damn, I gotta know what it's like to see him workout. He's probably even sexier than I'd imagine. Oh, god, what am I thinking? I gotta calm the fuck down. I rubbed my forehead and heard the door to the kitchen close and footsteps headed towards the gym. Now's my chance! I followed after I was sure he began to workout. When I got to the gym, I peered inside and saw him lifting weights. Damn, that marimo had a body.

"Fufufu, somehow I knew you'd end up here."

"Uwahhh! Robin! how long have you been there?"

"Long enough to see you follow swordsman-kun and peek at him working out." She smiled evilly as she closed her book.

"Oh." I could feel the red coming to my cheeks. "Wait, how did you know?"

"Last night while your eyes landed on him, you smiled and started staring. Then when I asked, you turned as red as you are now. It's okay if you think he's good looking, I won't tell anyone," she winked.

"Thanks." I smiled weakly. Shit, she was too damn smart. I walked away embarassed at my obviousness. Why was that marimo, my rival, so damn hot? How did my thoughts manage to go from, 'Beat the crap out of him' to 'Damn, what a body'? Was it because he decided to help me with that charming smile on his face? Damn, I must be going crazy. That bastard found a way to invade my thoughts. Well, I better sleep, since I didn't get any last night. After Robin went to bed, I realized that we needed a night watch, and everyone else was knocked out. I walked to the girl's quarters and collapsed on the covers of my bed, they felt so nice...

* * *

Z:  
I've gotta be strong enough to serve Luffy. If I can't even be Luffy's strong first mate, then what chances do I have on being the greatest swordsman in the world? I picked up the weights and started my round of 500 lifts. If I can't eventually beat the crap out of Mihawk, I'll never be good enough. After 40 or so lifts, I heard a voice that sounded like that Ero-cook. Or was I just imagining it? Shit, now I'm imagining her goddamn voice. Why the hell am I imagining this? It's not like she's any less annoying even though she's got a nice hourglass shape, and perfectly kept blonde hair. And a sexy smoker's voice. And some very nice legs. After all, she does kick if she isn't cooking. Damn, why is she attractive? This makes hating her a lot harder. I need to think of something else, or I'll keep thinking about her damn body.

"Fufufu, what made you so deep in thought that you put down your weights?" I turned to face Robin. Just great, now I have to keep thinking about it.

"Nothing much."

"I'm okay with you hiding whatever it is."

"... Why are you here, Robin?"

"I was just outside talking to cook-san, and she seemed like she just had an especially irksome fight with a certain swordsman, so I came to see if you were pleased at almost making her cry."

I turned so she wouldn't see my blushing face, and started lifting the weights again. "She didn't cry, though, right?" What the fuck did I just say?

"Fufufu. No, but it looks like someone cares about his rival a bit to much." Damn Robin, what the hell is she thinking? "Like I care about that swirly brows. I just called her a pervert cook like always, so she souldn't be whining this time."

"Really? She told me otherwise." My eyes widened. What the hell did that shitty cook tell her? Was she lying about our arguement to make me look like a bad guy? I quickly turned to Robin.

"What the hell? She's being a baby. She was daydreaming about some perverted shit and sighing in her goddamn cute voice about it then-" Wait. Did I just say her voice was cute _out loud_? Crap, my face is turning red.

"Fufufu. She didn't really tell me anything. We just talked a bit and she went to sleep. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even thinking about your arguement." She smiled evilly. Fuck. "So you think her voice is cute?"

"What the hell do you want?" I looked down to hide my embarassment.

"Are you starting to think of cook-san as someone special? When you saw her struggle with the sake last night, you looked a bit worried, and went to help her with a pretty big smile."

"..." I dropped my jaw. Just how observant was she?

"In your sleep you kept saying 'Ero-cook' too."

"I just think she's cute, that's all. She still fucking annoying as hell. You better not tell anyone."

"Fufufu, fine with me," she said before she left. Damn her, what was she thinking?

* * *

OMG, so what is going through Robin's brain? Bwahahaha, I had a little too much fun describing Zoro's sexy features. xD Y'all should review, so I can start chapter three with motivation. :)


	3. 3 Pain

So guys, I'm going to try and upload weekly. This here starts at the end of Thriller Bark Arc (spoiler alert for y'all who haven't read/watched that far). I'm going off memory and how I think it'll fit into SanZo, so if it ain't accurate, it's most likely intentional. After this, I'm going to stray from cannon, who want's to read something uncreative? This chapter is so much shorter than I expected... The next chapter might be sooner than a week, though... ;)

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Z:  
Everything was too much. One damn night, and we were all exhasted from that shitface Moria's little zombie war. Next thing we know, another goddamn shichibukai had to appear to wipe us out. All my nakama were lying around from the recent explosion and exhaustion was evident in their features. Luffy was beaten up badly, which worried me. I was, as of now, the only concious strawhat pirate, and it looks like in my condition, I can't beat this guy.

"Don't kill our captain. I'll die in his place." I bowed my head to the guy. "Please, let me die in his place."

"If I refused, my honor would be at stake." He replied.

"No, don't kill him! Take me instead! I'd gladly die in place of both of them!" That voice that both irritated me and gave me a warm feeling shouted.

"Baka! Leave this to me!" I don't know why, but imagining her dying in place of me gave me an even more upsetting feeling than if Luffy died. Besides, if anyone has a chance at surviving whatever the hell this guy would plan, it'd be me.

"But what about your dream to become the greatest swordsman ever? Are you going to throw it away?" There was worry in her voice, and it made me feel terrible to hear it. She was supposed to be yelling at me for doing something stupid. Luffy was supposed to be smiling like an idiot telling her to make meat. Nami was supposed to be busting up Chopper and Usopp for lazing around. Robin was supposed to be doing whatever mischief she does with that smirk on her face. Franky was supposed to be drinking cola. I wanted sake so bad, but I wanted to see them be happy and normal even more.

"Baka, Ero cook. What about your dream for all blue? Besides, if I cannot defend my captain, how can I ever hope to become the greatest swordsman?" I said before I swiftly knocked her out.

"Fine. I'll kill you instead. If you are going to go in place of your captain, you must take his pain, too." The giant shichibukai used his Paw power to take the damage away from Luffy, which made me smile knowing at least he would be healed. "This is enough to kill you by the amount of pain alone, on top of the damage."

"AAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAARRRRRRRHHH!" I tried to scream it out as he gave all of the pain to me, but it was too much. It fucking hurt like hell! Fuck! I can't see anymore... I can't feel my throat, did I scream too much? This darkness... If I go there, I won't feel the pain, right? It's nice...

* * *

S:  
What the hell happened? I looked around and memories came flooding back of our extremely long and eventful night. Damn. If only we hadn't picked up that fucking barrel-trap, none of this would've happened and Marimo wouldn't have-

"Marimo!" I looked over to see the green-haired man, still standing, all bloodied and beaten. My chest felt empty. I wanted to cry. I wanted to pinch myself out of this nightmare. Why did that stupid Marimo offer his life? I felt sick. He did this for Luffy. For us. Now he's broken physically.

"Sanji? Zoro? What happened? Zoro!" Chopper woke to see Marimo with the same shock as me.

"I don't know."

"Why is Zoro standing still? Why is he all bloody?" Usopp asked, walking over to us.

"Swordsman-kun..."

It went on like this. I couldn't hear anyone anymore, just the blood running in my veins and my heart pounding against my chest, threatening to cast itself from my body. Mindlessly, my head turned, showing me everyone rushing to him once they got up, Luffy still knocked out. My feet took me to the ship once everyone stopped talking or yelling or whatever and headed there. Why does it hurt so much? This pain... Will that stupid Marimo-head be okay?

"Sanji?" Luffy woke me from my daze by calling out to me. When did he wake up? "What happened to Zoro, do you know?"

I couldn't talk about it. Did that marimo even want me to tell him? Robin dragged me at that moment.

"Don't tell them what happened. They'll only be hurt. I saw it all, but I was too far to make a difference and too weak."

"Okay." I couldn't say much. If I opened my mouth again, would I scream? Or cry? Would anything come out? Out of habit, I reached for a smoke before walking back in and informing everyone that when I came to, he was like that. It wasn't a lie, considering he knocked me out before the others could wake.

"Will he be okay?" Luffy asked the reindeer-doctor who looked incredibly tired and concerned, but less than before.

"He will not die." Those words made me feel a relief sweep through my tense body, and lightened up the atmosphere as the others heard the news. "But he needs rest, and I don't know how long he'll be out. Or if his wounds will heal completely."

All we needed to hear was that he wouldn't die. Everyone relaxed and began to asses their own damages and the state of our surroundings. The zombies and people whose shadows were stolen gave their gratitude towards us. It was going along well. After all had said what was needed to be said, we went in the dining room, and I made food for everyone.

"Yohohoho! Who wants to hear a song?" A certain skeleton asked us.

"You can play an instrument?" Franky asked.

"Yohohoho! I can play any instument! Here I'll show you!" Brooke began to play piano with skillful hands. It was a great tune, everyone was having a good time, myself included.

"Become our nakama!" Luffy exclaimed. Baka! He was always asking strange people to be part of our crew. But he ended up gathering great people. I watched as he and the skeleton started to talk about Laboon, the giant whale we met at the entrance to grand line. Apparently Brooke was one of the guys that the whale was waiting for. We all listened to Brooke's story about the whale-nakama, and felt touched. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to make him our new nakama, well, if he didn't ask to see Nami's, Robin's, and my panties, that pervert.

Will that marimo-baka wake soon? I had to kick his ass for scaring us to death and knocking me out, and I couldn't do that when he was all banged-up. There was a heavy feeling in my chest as I thought about his action to take on death. What about that shichibukai guy? He wasn't there when we came to. I just wished that stupid marimo was okay and here with us. Why did he have to go amd get fucked up? Didn't he know that it would only make us upset and worried? Shit, I'm still worrying. Anything can happen.

* * *

I wanted to slaughter Kuma for doing this to my Zoro. (yeah he's my anime hubby xD) Thank's guys for your follows, favorites, and reviews! ^_^ I'm writing a LawxLuffy fanfic (yes, yaoi with a bit of lemon in it teehee), so when I post it, I'll have at least two chapters done. I would appreciate more reviews, too. Don't worry about the humor part, it'll get there soon. Hope y'all continue reading!


	4. 4 'Normal' Again

So guys... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Even though this chapter has little romance... haha. My other fanfiction 'Bakachan' is up. The LawxLu yaoi one... That one has romance in it. OMG, I walked around with a fake cigarette in my mouth and my friend asked if I was Sanji. xD It made my day! Anyways guys, I present to you: Another Chapter! ^_^

* * *

Z:  
"NOOOOOO!" I screamed with all my might to the bear to stop killing my nakama. Its large paws easily knocked them all around the lifeless dirt of Thriller Bark. The damn bastard turned into a monster after after he promised me he would leave my crew alone. Watching was painful, but I couldn't move my body; It was as if I was bound by something.

"Zoro!" Her sweet voice called to me. In her cry, I recognized fear, sadness, and fury. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but I couldn't move, and the bear just kept tearing everyone apart. I wanted to comfort her so her voice would never sound so painful ever again. Why did she have to remain alive to watch everyone die terribly? Why was she suffering like me? It should never happen. No one should be dying.

The scene faded into darkness before my eyes opened to bright sunshine and a face looking down at me and smiling.

"Sleep well, marimo?"

"What the fuck, ero-cook?!"

"You're still dreaming, though."

"Why are you here again?" I asked her, knowing that she was just my mental projection, but I had to know. Her feet were on my chest as she got up from her squatting position. Goddamn her for laughing at me.

"It looks like you're marimo-brained as well," she teased, getting off of my chest and stepping onto what i now noticed was grass. It definitely had to be a dream or nightmare or whatever. I got up and looked at Sanji, noticing all her features. She had so many good ones, I had to admit. This made me realize maybe I was getting perverted from lack of having a girl, and I was just currently finding Sanji as sexy.

"Don't tell me I'm becoming a pervert like you, ero-cook," I snarled at her, only earning another laugh.

"Not quite, shitty-swordsman. Even though you are a healthy young man who hasn't even kissed a woman." Sanji walked over to me with a mischevious grin, putting her arms around my neck and pressing her body against mine. "Although, I _could_ give you that kind of dream."

Was that a stream of blood running down my nose? Is my face really getting hot? She was acting too damn sexy! Pressing her chest against mine, wraping her delicate arms around my neck, looking at me with lustful and half-closed blue eyes... Why did I find this dream to be so fucking sexy? What the hell? Weren't my nakama just scattered across the ground at Thriller Bark? So why the fuck was I just casually dreaming this damn perverted dream? I couldn't resist the desires of my body, and kissed her passionately, but then everything faded away.

I was running as fast as i could, I had to catch up with my nakama before they were gone forever. They were about to be swallowed by a darkness that seems to wipe everything clean. I grabbed Chopper and Robin when I saw them, and told them to run back to the Sunny. As I caught up with the others, I told them to head back because the darkness was closing in on us. When I caught up with Sanji, she was killing everthing with bloodlust in her eyes. This was not Sanji. Am i too late? Has the darkness already claimed her? The look in her eyes confirmed my fears: she was taken by the darkness. She was no longer a human, but a monster seeking to devour everything. This place was so confusing; I just wanted to wake up for real and see that my nakama are alright. Something brushed my hand, and I looked down to see a single flower. It was comforting, so I picked it up and everything morphed into the Sunny's infirmary. The flower was no longer in my hand, instead it was Sanji's hand. She turned to look at me, concern on her face. I didn't want to see that on her face. I squeezed her hand, noticing how I barely had any strength to do so, and her eyes widened as she looked me in the eye. Then the darkness overcame me once again.

* * *

S:  
"I need a damn cigarette!" I yelled, about to lose it. We have been travelling for a few days and Chopper and Usopp thought it would be a good idea to hide my cigarettes. "Get me my cigarettes otherwise this crew will have reindeer and longnose for dinner!" That seemed to work. Within an instant Usopp appeared with my cigarettes in his arms.

"Don't eat me! I have the I-taste-bad disease!" Usopp exclaimed.

"Me too!" Chopper shouted as he appeared with the other half of my cigarette supplies. I told them to put them in my drawer in the girl's room and forbade them from ever even thinking about hiding my cigarettes again. Yeah, sure, they _are_ cancer sticks, but I need them. I pulled one out and stuck it in my mouth to light it up. It felt so good to breathe in the smoke and taste the tobacco once again. This was the only time I was able to think clearly, so I decided to gather up my thoughts about what to do. We've had calm weather in our forecast for quite a while, no ships of any sort nearby, and a heavily wounded marimo that nearly died for us. Shitty swordsman. Did he think we wouldn't be affected if he died? Well, I'm just happy he's alive. I had to get things cooking anyways because I could feel a pressure that said a storm by the name of Luffy was coming.

"SANJIIIIIII! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" Yep. There it was.

"Just wait a few minutes and I'll have something ready," I told the excited and very hungry captain. I walked to the kitchen (aka my home) to pull out meat from the fridge, since our captain preferred red over green. It was relaxing now. Each sea monster or sea king Luffy managed to catch had it's own unique flavor and texture, providing me with something to think about at sea. If there was anything I loved more than bishounen, it was finding new ways of cooking delicious fish. For this one, I found that it's best to cut the fillets like pita, stuff the vegetables and some of Nami's tangerines inside, and 'seal' it back up with the stringy parts of the fins (they were very strong, but very tasty). It had an incredible taste, and the meat was very close to steak once cooked. Cooking in the Grand Line was always interesting. "Oi! Everyone! Food's ready!"

"YAYYYYY, FOOOOOOOOOD!" Almost before I finished shouting, he burst through the door.

"Smells good Sanji!" Nami complimented. Everyone was inside and managed to grab their plates before our captain could take it all. With that, I decided to pay a certain shitty swordsman a visit. Everyone was too busy trying to protect their meals from Luffy to say anything, so I quickly headed to the infirmary. Maybe he'd wake up, I don't know. Maybe he's just taking advantage of this time he gets to sleep. He would. When I stepped inside he still was sleeping the same way when we brought him in a week ago. His face showed an expression of pain, sadness, and... fear? He was probably having nightmares. I sat down next to him amd grabbed his hand. It was large and masculine, but there was no strength in it. I sighed. It only felt right to grab his hand in hopes that he might be comforted in all his nightmares. So much for thinking he was just catching extra z's.

His steady breathing started becoming slightly hitched and uneven, causing me to look at his bandaged chest that was marked with scars. He pushed himself too hard; maybe this was his body's way of catching up with all those battles and scars. I felt his hand tighten around mine and quickly looked to his face. It was relaxed as opposed to his earlier expression, and his eyes were looking straight- He was awake! His lips curved up ever so slightly to smile at me before he slowly drifted off again. He was close to being fully healed! I realized just how tense and worried I was when suddenly all my worries and concerns were replaced by a small hope and joy. That fucking marimo was going to wake up soon, and I was happy about that. Certain times of the day became boring without the shitty swordsman fighting with me. We can relax soon. I left the infirmary to go check up on the rest of the crew and probably end up yelling at them to clean their mess.

"CHOPPER AND USOPP YOU HAVE DISH DUTY TODAY AS PAYMENT FOR STEALING MY BELOVED CIGARETTES!" That should take care of it. As expected, the fearful doctor and sniper hung their heads and made their way to the sink, Usopp washing and Chopper drying. After taking care of cleanup, I decided to relax on the deck and sunbathe.

"Fufufu, aren't you relaxed? Mind if I join?"

"I don't mind. That Marimo woke up for a little bit when I went to check on him. He knocked right back out, but that means he'll wake soon. So I need to do everything relaxing that I can before he wakes and picks fights."

"Hahaha, that's just like him! Waking up, then sleeping again! I should get in some relax time, too," Nami said as she joined us sunbathing. The sun felt nice on my skin, warming me up and inducing a blissful drowsiness. No wonder marimo is so tan and falls asleep on the deck all the time.

"We haven't gotten much closer to fishman island. This log post's angle downwards has been practically the same. It feels like we're getting close to another island, though. The weather's been steady all night and day so far," Nami aaid, preventing me from losing conciousness to the nice heat the sun was giving my skin.

"Maybe the Grand Line is just fond of all types of wierd weather, including a good amount of calm weather every once in a while," Robin speculated. It could be true, since the Grand Line was so unpredictable, but we still had to be prepared for anything, including boring (but oh, so nice!) weather.

"Maybe." After that, we all fell silent and just watched the sky. There were a few puffy white clouds in various shapes here or there. One was shaped like a giant dragon with tiny wings. Another was shaped like a bowl of udon noodles with chopsticks. So many shapes. Another was shaped like... What the fuck is our shitty swordsman doing out here?!

"Zoro!" Nami shouted in surprise.

"I'm hungry as hell. Oi, Ero-cook make me something."

"Baka! You wake up and decide to order me around?! Where are your bandages?" I realized he wasn't wearing bandages, reavealing his tanned and scarred chest.

"They were restricting my movements, so I took them off," he shrugged.

"Ehhh?! Baka! Those were left on for the purpose of restricting your movements! You're not fully healed!" Chopper ran in with the remaining members of the crew. "I leave you alone for one moment, and you've already escaped the infirmary!"

"You were taking to long to tell Sanji to make me food, so I came here myself."

"I was telling everyone that you woke up! You were supposed to stay inside."

"Zooorrooooooooooo!" Luffy shouted to greet his first mate.

"Yohoho! This is good! You've finally woken up!"

"Finally! A SUPA hello for you!"

"Why are you here, skeleton?" Zoro looked confused.

"Hahaha! He's apart of our crew now. You were out for a whole week."

"Which is why I'm very hungry, shit-cook." Oh, he was so not going to get food if he calls me shit-cook when he just woke up.

"Who you callin' shit-cook, baka Marimo!" I snarled at him looks like things were going to be okay and normal again. Well, normal for us.

* * *

Guys, I love Robin's laugh. I started laughing like 'fufufu' in real life. By the way: Doflamingo's laugh is very similar, except his goes "fuffuffu". Same difference to English speakers, huh? Anyways, please REVIEW! Thanks for those who've read, reviewed, followed, and favorited this! I love you for that!


	5. 5 Fight

So this took me FOREVERRRR to write because I just wanted to have the last scene, but I needed context xD Anyways, moving along with my story, not much to say...

* * *

S:  
"Why are you out of your bandages again!?" Chopper screamed.

"They limited my movements too much," that shitty swordsman replied.

"They are supposed to keep you from moving! How many times do I have to tell you!" I was amused, like everyone else. Marimo never listened to Chopper, and for the past 24 hours, he reopened his wounds six times. What a thick-skulled bastard.

"I need to work out, dammit!" Oh, and I'd love to watch. No. Dammit. For the past 24 hours I've had a ton of sexy thoughts about that damned bastard. I walked away from the main deck, then headed to the galley since it was lunch time and I would have a hungry Luffy on my case. Once i was inside, I found the Sea King patties I made from the catch we had the day before and decided to make burgers. This sea king was so close to ground beef in texture and taste, everyone thought I conjured up a cow and killed it. I wondered why these fish kept tasting like beef. With all the excitement and buzz since Zoro woke, I needed some calm time, and cooking helped with that. It was relaxing to slice up vegetables and fruits and meats in their own particular ways: diced, cubed, strips, or patties. Hearing the sizzle of the raw food on the pan, smelling the spices flavoring the different meats and vegetables, tossing, kneading, baking, decorating, serving. It was an art.

"Oi, shit cook. Im starving."

"Gyaaa! What the fuck, marimo!? Can't you see i'm working on it? Besides shouldn't you be bandaged to a bed?" Damn it. Why did I think that would be sexy? Curse my kinky imagination.

"Like hell I'd stay bandaged! I hate those damned things! Just hurry up with the damned food, curlybrow!"

"SANJIIIIIIIII! FOOOOOOODDDDD!" Great. I had two hungry lunatics on my hands now. At least all I had to do was serve the food now.

"Lunch is ready!" I shouted as everyone came in.

"Yohoho! I would love to stuff my face. But wait! I don't have a face!" Damned skeleton cracked a dead joke every five seconds. A lot of them were the same. When they were new they were actually sort of funny, but at this point I just wanted to kill him. 'Oh, but wait! He's dead alredy! Har de har.' I served everyone and took my seat next to our hungry captain and adorable doctor.

"Itadakimasu!" We all said then began the daily warfare called 'eating in the same room as Luffy'. Once everyone finished, I cleaned the table and decided to dump dish duty on Usopp.

"Usopp, do the dishes." I needed not to say more, I just glared and any complaint he was thinking was gone. I couldn't find much to do so I walked to the girls' room to get a nap, but I was stopped by a very loud, "Land ho!"

"I should get supplies," I mused. There was no way I could avoid it, Luffy would deplete everything.

"Great! I'll send Zoro with you so he won't get lost!" Nami startled me.

"Hell no! There's no way I'm babysitting that damn bastard!" I fumed. Why the hell would I ever shop with that shitty marimo swordsman?

"Aww, don't be like that, you know you want to." Both mine and Nami's jaws dropped. Did we hear that correctly? "Hahaha! What a stupid ass face you're making, shit-cook!" We did. But it was marimo's new way of teasing me.

"Like hell I'd want to! You're a stupid moss-for-brains who has no sense of direction whatsoever and a tasteless bastard that never shows proper respect!" I fired. It was so _on_.

"What was that, shit-cook? You're just a damn good for nothing Ero-cook who flirts with every other damn guy and a stuck-up prick that never looks at anything but a guy's body! Get over it!" He shouted back at me. Oh, hell no, he did _not_ just go there.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"You, damn shit-cook!"

"You wanna go?" I raised my leg to prepare for a kick.

"Let's do this!" He grabbed a sword.

"WAIT! What the hell, guys?! I just asked you two to go shopping because Zoro wants to explore and you need to shop. And Zoro, can't you go for FIVE MINUTES in Sanji's prescence without fighting with her!?"

"Che. Fine," he replied. I regained my composure and nodded to Nami to reassure her I wouldn't tempt him to a fight.

"You're carrying bags, marimo." I smirked when I heard an irritated grunt. Shopping shouldn't be too bad now with a pack-mule marimo-head to hold bags. Now, about dealing with that temper...

* * *

Z:

"Baka! I told you to stay close so you won't get lost! Damn moss-for-brains," a voice called from behind.

"Oi. Watch it shit cook," I growled. This was getting to be a pain since I'd just look at something interesting for one second and she'd be gone. When she did find me again, she'd be fuming. I didn't mind too much since her angry face was cute. She's a bitch, but at least she's hot. "If anyone needs to watch anything, it's you, baka! Since I can't keep an eye on you because I'm shopping, you need to keep an eye on me. Don't get lost this time, marimo!"

"Che, fine." Why not ignore my ears and enjoy the view? She's hot, and besides, every once in a while I just sit back and take in Nami's or Robin's view. There was no way in hell I'd get with any of them, though. Nami and Sanji are bitches, and Robin... I just don't think of her that way. Sanji was the cruelest "But damn, nice ass." Oops. I spoke out loud!

"You say something, Marimo?" I felt the red coming to my cheeks. She should _never_ know.

"No, baka ero-cook. You hearin things?" I massaged my face to hide my cheeks.

"You tired already? Maybe it was too soon for such an injured mossbrains to walk around."

"What did you call me, question?" I smirked as her face got angry. As much as I'd wish she'd shut up, this was still pretty fun.

"Why don't you just shut the hell up?! Marimo heads have little intelligence to share with the world anyways," she looked smug.

"I am not a fucking moron! Why don't you make me shut up, curlybrows!?" I snarled. Why the hell does she always think I'm stupid?

"You wanna go?!" Her small hands were curled up in cute little fists at her sides and her nostrils were flaring, a pretty good image if I should say.

"Sure, it'll add to my win record," I smirked. She lost herself to rage. Finally! I got to fight her without the Nami telling us to stop. I can show that shit cook just how powerful I am and teach her a lesson for messing with this green-haired swordsman. She jumped into the air and brought her heel hurtling towards my right shoulder, but I blocked with the flat side of one of my swords, then threw her balance with a thrust. She flipped backwards, then landed on her hands to swing her legs in a circle. To avoid getting hit, I leaped backwards just as the sole of her foot hit my gut. It hurt like hell, but I resisted the urge to double iver. With my left hand, I reached to grab her foot and bring it to the ground, causing her to land on her back. I quickly got ontop of her and held my blade at her neck. She looked surprised at me, which made me smirk.

"What the hell?!" She yelled after a slight pause.

"I won," I stated. And it felt good to win. It also had a great deal of pain in my gut, I hope that kick didn't reopen my wounds. Her legs were damn powerful!

"What the fuck?! How... What?" She was angry and flustered.

"You know, you look much better like this, ero-cook." I teased. Although it was kinda true, I mean, what man wouldn't want want a sexy lady underneath him? Wait, was she blushing?

"Get the hell off of me!" She yelled out, looking to the side. Her face was turning more crimson with each moment. I got off of her and we both stood up.

"Why is your face red, pervert? I meant I liked being victorious." I teased again, this was getting fun again.

"Shut the fuck up! No way in hell would I ever think like that about you!"

"Then why is your face red, and what makes the ground interesting to look at?" This was _really_ fun; she was turning _very_ red.

"B-because I'm mad a-and the ground looks better than your face!" How cute, she was stuttering. Wait. She really was thinking like that! Holy crap! I decided to tease her some more because I liked the expressions she was making, they were... Sexy. I stepped towards her and lifted her chin so she'd face me, but she moved her eyes to the side, blushing _even deeper_.

"Well if I'm that ugly, how come you're blushing?" What was she thinking?

"I just told you, baka!" She looked to my eyes when she yelled at me. I saw anger, embarrassment and a hint of something else, I didn't know what.

"Whatever you say," I let go of her chin and walked away, picking up the grocery bags I dropped to respond to her fight. I winced as a sharp pain surged in the spot where Sanji kicked me. I looked down and saw blood seeping through the bandages. Crap, Chopper's going to be mad!

"We're heading back to the ship, marimo."

"Che. Your fault." I started walking towards the ship.

"Baka! This way, not that way," she started walking in the opposite direction. I grumbled as I reluctantly followed.

* * *

It's okay Sanji, I think Zoro's damn fine, too.

After writing so much for my other story, I have suffered from fatigue. xD

Reviews please! (:


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One Piece, Humor, Romance