One Piece 1. C1: How to tourcher Sanjikun

This is my revenge on sanjifanforever for all the times she has abused Zoro-kun.

Rini: *Walks into the Strawhats Kitchen wile everyone is having dinner. Hits Sanji over the head with a frying pan and knocks him out before he can go heart eyes on her. Tie him up and throw him over her shoulder. Winks at Zoro-kun before leaving the kitchen with said cook and getting on **my** Giant flying tiger. Takes off into night. (all this took about thirty seconds)*

Strawhats: "…"

Luffy: … did a girl just come in and kidnapped sanji?

The rest of the crew: "…"

Meanwile…

Rini: *has arrived at abandoned cottage and gotten off my giant flying tiger, entered house and chains victim to wall with his legs cross and hands above his head. She makes sure that he is secure before getting a fire started in the grate beside them to keep the house warm*

Me: *comes into the room from down the hall and leans against the door frame, blankly looking from Rini to her "guest"*. What is this?

Rini: You'll see.

Sanji: *grumbles*

Rini: *knees down in front of him and poke his forehead softly* Waky- waky sleeping beauty.

Sanji: what happened… *looks up* Wow! *goes heart eyes* and who are you my pink-eyed cupcake? I don't believe we have-*he tries to move but cant* *goes back to normal eyes* - what the..? *realizes he is chained to a wall* ah…

Rini: *gets up and sits on a couch opposite him* Now Sanji-kun *evil smirks* we are going to play a little game called "Revenge of the Swordsman girl".

Me: you cannot be serious.

Ok! This is a sort of mix between "ask Sanji" and "how to annoy Sanji". You may ask any question you like to the blonde chief, as long as it doesn't insult Zoro-kun ^_^. You can also join Rini in torturing him and you will get a pixel cake if you are call him a name(rude of coarse) or come up with a way to annoy him. ^_^ have fun!


	2. C2: Nightmares are not only for night

Rini: Seeing as no-one is talking to me, I have invited my very best friend Tamark Johno to join the fun.

…that is until Kira-chan (aka sanjifanforever) comes though the door and tries to rescue Sanji-san… I may need more chain….

Me: do I get any say in this?

Rini: of course Kara-san! Would you like to join in the fun?

Me: ... has anyone ever told you that you have the mental capacity of a human child of the age of 3- and why do I have the feeling I have said this to someone before?

Rini: no, no one has ever said that to me before. Usually they just say I am an idiot.

Me: well, as far as I can deduce from your manner; they were not lying. *turns around and walks back down the hall.*

...

...

...

Rini: ... I think Kara-san just insulted me...

Johno: * had blindfolded Sanji and has been telling blonde jokes for the last two hours while Rini have a nap in front of the fire (because kidnapping is tiring.)*… what does a blonde owl say? *looks at (nearly dead) Sanji expectantly for the umpteenth time*

Sanji: *close to death from blonde jokes* …

Johno: *kicks him* well?

Sanji: *finally cracking* I don't give a shit what the blonde owl said, or how a blonde gets a pig, or who hits the ground first! But I will tell you one thing! When I get out of here-*Johno covers his mouth with a fish rag*- MFFNNMMFFTH!

Johno: *looking over his shoulder at Rini* SHHHH! Rini-chan is trying to sleep! You, being a gentleman and all, wouldn't want to wake her up would you?

Sanji: "…"

Johno: *smirk* that's what I thought! *moves away* now where was I up to? Oh yes! They go "what, what.." haha! Get it? Not "hoo, hoo" they go "what, what" *laughs at his own joke". HAHA! I crack myself up! Ok, ok. Next one!

Sanji: *groans* will this ever end…?

Johno: *off handed voice* only when Rini-chan wakes up and tells me to shut up *low snicker* Then she can play with you...

Sanji: *go wide eyed under his blindfold* when you say "play"…

Johno: *smirks* Well… lets just say that I don't want to be the one cleaning up afterwards, she may even get Kay-san involved to I have some advice for you my friend *moves close and hisses in his ear, so quiet that Sanji wasn't sure that he heard him at all *_If you wish to keep all your extremities intact, I suggest that you do not, under any circumstances, call Kay-san __**princess**__._

Sanji: *thinking* did he just say-?

Me: *coldly from the doorway to the hall* what did you just call me Johno-san?

Johno: *shivers under my icy gaze* whoops…

Me: *quick as a flash he is kneeling on the ground, my sword at his neck and my mouth at his ear, hissing quietly* I asked you what it was that you called me.

Johno: *whimpering in fear* N-nothing! Nothing K- *I press my sword edge against his throat and he falls silent from fear*

Me: *still whispering lightly* it had better been nothing because, guest or not guest, I am quite willing to rip out your intestinal track and use it to hang you with if you say that about me again. *I let him go and walk away outside, letting the door close behind me.*

Johno: *gulps*

Rini: *yawns and sits up, rubbing her eyes tiredly.* what's happening? Was that Ka*yawn*-san just now?

Johno: no! I mean Yes! I mean... she went out...

Rini: oh. *looks at Sanji* Johno-kun… why does Sanji-kun have a blindfold on and why does he have "gay-man" written on his cheeks?

Sanji: I HAVE WHAT ON MY CHEEKS? *mad*

*Johno and Rini ignore him*

Johno: *shrugs* I got bored.

Rini: *raise eyebrow* …ok. Whatever. *kneels down and remove Sanji's blindfold* *still talking to Johno* but we can't have him blindfolded for this torture *evil smirk*

*there is a knock at the door and Johno goes to answer it*

Sanji: *heart eyes* my love for you will never dwindle; no matter how much pain you put me through my saddest angel.

Rini: *stares at him in bemusement* … I still think Zoro-kun is hotter *gets up smirking wile Sanji's jaw hit the floor in shock*

Johno: *comes running back, yelling excitedly* WE HAVE A REQUEST RINI-CHAN! A REQUEST!

Rini: *hands over ears* ok! I hear you! STOP YELLING! *hits him over the head*

Johno: owwwww…..

Sanji: … is she always this violent?

Johno: Yes. Yes she is. Owww...

Sanji: oh… *looks at Rini and goes back to heart eyes* but she is so cute when she is angry!

Rini: *roll eyes* ok… so who is our first request from?

Johno: it is from roo17-san.

_yay! Finally a revenge game on Sanji! *goes crazy*  
annoying Sanji has always been on my list...heh heh heh  
ok! So lets see...you can try the Chinese water torture on him :3  
but if he completely looses his mind I'm sorry...well not really .'  
I hope this helps. if not then try kicking him where the sun doesn't shine =)_

any who, i hope this gets really catchy to others so they review too! *gives author cookie*

Rini: OH! COOKIE! ^_^ *takes cookie and eats it* yummm! I think I just found my new best friend.

Johno: HEY!

Sanji: *Tries to kick him but can't get loose* don't yell at Rini-san!

Johno: -_-' you tied him up and he still defending you.

Rini: *shrugs* he likes girls. Anyway I was joking Johno-kun, you know you will always be my best friend ^_^.

Johno: *mumbles something*

Rini: what was that?

Johno: nothing!

Rini: okay... CHINESE WATER TORTURE? COOL! Well I don't know about the Chinese part but I can defiantly to the water torture. *evil smirk as she goes into the kitchen to find a bucket*

Sanji: ah… oh….

Johno: don't you think that is a little harsh Rini-chan? He only insulted Zoro-san every chance he got! I mean, that surely doesn't warrant a water torture… *trails off as she pokes her head back into the room and stares at him like he is insane*

Rini: … Are. You. Insane? (hence the look)

Johno: Come on! Can you say that he honestly deserves it? Crocodile might but this is Sanji-san!

Rini: …*comes back into the room empty handed* … I suppose your right. *looks put out then smiles as an idea comes to her*

Sanji: *heart eyes* she is so pretty when she sm- *she kicks him in the groin* -AH!

Rini: *walks away from the groaning man and her shell shocked friend looking satisfied* I hope that will satisfy Roo-san.

Johno: … Evil, evil woman.

Sanji: cute *groan* evil *groan* woman.

*a second band at the door and Johno goes to answer*

Rini: who is it?

Johno: *yelling* IT'S- - *just then a girl comes running into the house*

strawhat-alchemist: a cake for annoying Sanji! How can I say no? (Sanji this is gonna hurt). Sanji your a good for nothing shitty cook who for some reason can't hurt a girl even if she kicked you in the balls I'll give u an example right now! *kicks Sanji in the nuts* ZORO AND SWORDSMEN/WOMEN FOREVER

Johno: O.O

Sanji: ARGH! *passes out from pain*

Rini: *walks over and hugs SHA* … *looks at Johno with puppy dog eyes* … can we keep her?

Johno: -.-' … I'm going to get Sanji-san some ice. *walks off*

Me: *from the rafters* I am not having more mentally unstable humans in my home.

Rini: awwww! Mean. *looks around then up at me questionably*

Me: ...what is it?

Rini: I was just wondering...

Me: yes...?

Rini: well... if you can't remember anything from the last year... how do you know you bought this place?

Me: I bought it when I was 15.

Rini: oh.

SHA: *Whispering* who is this?

Me: the owner of this house, so please leave.

Rini: wha- NO! SHA DONT GO!

Me: *glares, raises a hand and a large stream of water comes from the kitchen and sweeps the new girl out the door, leaving the house completely dry behind it.*

Rini: NOOO!

Me: *jump from the rafters* quiet or I will do the same to you.

Rini: *shuts up*

Me: much better. *walks back down the hall*.

Rini: If you are Anonymous reviewer I would appreciate if you would leave a name which I could call you by, and maybe adopt you!

SHA: yes I am his worst nightmare *evil laughter* *hands over dartboard with Sanji's picture on dartboard* its the least I could do.

Rini: YAY! *takes* THANKYOU! THANKYOU! ^_^ I will treasure it forever *cries with happiness*

Me: I thought that I had gotten rid of you.

Rini and SHA: ah oh...


End file.

One Piece, Humor, Romance