Harry Potter 1. Introduction

**Welcome to the Marauders message board! This is Padfoot, your friendly, attractive host who is proud to welcome you to this new establishment! Just send us a message relating to us your latest problem, and we'll give you free, all safe, intelligent advice that will in no way relate to Padfoots awesome new 12 inch oak wand with a unicorn tail hair core, but to the problem you-**

_Padfoot!_

**Hey, Moony, I'm trying to make a good impression here! Nobody will send us any messages if you keep butting in! Let me finish! As I was saying, advice relating tooooo...your...Prongs, what the heck are you doing? Hey! Hey! Don't touch my wand, you'll get fingerprints all over it! It's brand new! I-**

_While Padfoot is busy wrestling with James, I figured I'd better carry on for Padfoot. Anyway, last Monday, Peter had a whole load of girls send him a bunch of mail asking him for advice on boy problems. To be honest, I have no idea why they chose to send it to Peter, but no matter the reason, he just couldn't handle it all himself. Prongs had an idea to set up a Marauders advice board so people could send us all messages, and we could get the answers out to them from here. Padfoot was just trying to explain the idea, but unfortunately that didn't go down so well. Hopefully this will make more sense:_

_It's pretty simple. Post your letters to this board stating your name and problem, and we'll have an answer back to you before potions next Monday._

_Moony, help! Padfoot's killing James!_

_One moment, Peter. If you want to ask just one of us specifically, make sure to address your letters to who you want answering. If you want us all to answer as a whole, address it to the Marauders._

_Remuuuuusss!_

_And that is it. Thanks. Excuse me while I rescue James._


	2. Molly

Dear Marauders,

Arthur has been hitting on Marlene again! Sirius, I know that you offered to lock him in the Girl's bathroom for me, but I don't want him in trouble - how else can I make him know I want him?

Love, Molly Prewett

...

**Dear Molly,**

**I know, I know, this must be so painful for you, but don't you think it's time you realized that he wants to move on?**

_Sirius, we're supposed to be making her feel _better_, not worse._

**What? You never said that! It's supposed to be advice, it doesn't have to be happy! Besides, Arthur isn't very good dating material.**

_How would you know that?_

**Sirius knows all, Remus. Sirius knows all.**

_Personally, Molly, I think you ought to ask Arthur about it. Make sure that he still wants you. Let him know how you feel. Then, you can come to an agreement on how you want your relationship to be._

**Or you can take my advice, punch him in the face, and tell him you don't love him anymore.**

_I think she should take Peter's advice._

I think she should say to him what I said to Evans this morning: "One day, you'll realize how much you love me."

**Shut up, James. If anything you did with girls worked, Evans would be all over you by now. Or are you too busy planning your next date with the Giant Squid?**

I wish you'd shut up about the freaking Giant Squid! 

**I knew as soon as I pushed you into the lake that it was love.**

...Sirius!

_Love, Marauders_


	3. Xenophilius

Dear Marauders,

Do you believe in nargles?

Love, Xenophilius Lovegood

...

**Dear Xeno,**

**Uh...What are nargles?**

_I think Xenophilius is referring to those creatures who supposedly live in mistletoe. He was talking about them in Charms yesterday._

**What! Oh, you mean those? There's no way in heck those things-**

Sirius! We've got a problem!

**Prongs, I'm trying to answer a letter here. Shut up. Unless your girlfriend is dying?**

I don't have a girlfriend.

**I was referring to the squid. Anyway! Xeno, if we believed in nargles, we'd all be just as insane as you. So, no.**

Firstly, for crying out loud, I'm not dating a giant squid. Secondly, unless you want Peter to die at the hands of Lucius Malfoy-

**I beg your pardon? Don't tell me I'm going to have to cut my letter short for Peter!**

_Sirius! _

**Fine, then. Remus, finish off our answer, will you?**

_Xeno, this is Remus. I'm not too sure we consider nargles an appropriate topic for an advice board. But feel free to ask tomorrow at breakfast._

_Love, Marauders_


	4. Emmaline

Dear Sirius,

IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY POTIONS ESSAY BACK RIGHT NOW, WHEN YOU WAKE UP TOMORROW, YOU'LL BE A GIANT FROG!

Love, Emmaline Vance

...

**Dear Emmaline,**

**I swear to Merlin I did not touch your darn essay. **

**Love, Sirius**


	5. Giant Squid

Dear James,

You are a sexy beast.

Love, Giant Squid (XOXO)

...

Dear Giant Squid,

Sirius, I am going to kill you.

Love, James


	6. Lucius

Dear Sirius,

I am disgusted! An advice board? What sort of filth is this? Sirius Black, your mother is very disappointed in your performance. She sent me a letter ordering me to bring you to your senses. If this doesn't do it, expect to be very sorry indeed.

Love, Lucius Malfoy

...

**Dear Lucius,**

**My dear mother is the **_**reason **_**I've lost my senses.**

**Love, Sirius**


	7. Arthur

Dear Marauders,

My girlfriend, Molly, punched me in the face today and accused me of cheating on her with Marlene. I swear, I never meant for it to look that way, but I don't know what to say to her. Help?

Love, Arthur Weasely

...

**Dear Arthur,**

**Gosh, I'm so proud! Molly decided to take my suggestion to heart!**

_Punching him in the face wasn't a good solution, Sirius. It will have only made things much worse._

**What, it's what I would have done.**

_That's what scares me._

**No-one ever listens to me anymore! **

_Arthur, I would try leaving Molly alone for a while so she can cool down a bit. Later, try approaching her and explaining. If she decides you're through, you'll have to allow her to make that decision._

**Or you could try kneeling down on one knee and proposing on the spot. I did that with Marlene last time we broke up. Worked like a charm.**

Wait. Sirius, are you telling us you're _engaged _to Marlene McKinnon?

**'Course not. I just said that to get her to stop yelling at me, then I ditched her the next Tuesday and hooked up with Julia instead.**

Sirius!

_That was so mean, Sirius!_

**Ok, ok, maybe I was a bit extreme. She got over it, though.**

Hey...Sirius...you know, I was just out at the lake...and I met up with the Giant Squid.

**Great, when's the wedding?**

Friday.

**W-What, you're serious?!**

Yeah, congratulations, Sirius! I asked it if it loved you, and it said yes! Your wedding is in two days!

...

We interrupt this program to inform you that Sirius Black has passed out.

...

_I'm so sorry, Arthur, this must have been a painful read. Please consider my suggestion. If it's not enough, talk to me tomorrow and we'll come up with a different strategy._

_Love, Marauders_


	8. Minerva

Dear Mr. Black,

We have recently received word from Mr. Potter that you have arranged to be married to a Giant Squid located on Hogwarts Grounds. We have located this squid and fixed the problem. Your detention will take place at 8 o'clock this evening in my office. Bring protective gloves.

Professor Minerva McGonagal

...

**Dear Professor McGonagal,**

**Minnie, before I found this note, 2 Hufflepuffs, 7 Ravenclaws, 6 Gryffindors, and 19 Slytherins had read it. Please drop my notes off at my dorm next time, Kay? I only just managed to stop Snivellus from reading this to the entire school.**

**Love, Siriu**


	9. Sirius' First Flashback

FLASHBACK

...

"Sirius!"

Sirius paused his walk to the next classroom as one of his best friends voices called out to him from the other end of the corridor. Peter was waving frantically, beckoning for Sirius to come closer. He looked almost frantic, as if something had gone dreadfully wrong.

Abandoning his books by the side of the classroom door, Sirius went to his friend, eyebrows raised. "Sheesh, Peter, even you aren't this late for class. We really need -"

"Seriously, this is really, really, bad."

Peter raised an arm and pointed towards the end of the hall, where The Marauders Advice Board hung. A group of pushing and shoving students was gathered around it, whispering excitedly.

"A new note's been posted," Peter whispered. "Quick, before anyone sees it..."

Feeling that Peter probably wasn't being this frantic for nothing, Sirius crossed over to the board and stared in awe at the new note.

Dear Mr. Black,

We have recently received word from Mr. Potter that you have arranged to be married to a Giant Squid located on Hogwarts Grounds. We have located this squid and fixed the problem. Your detention will take place at 8 o'clock this evening in my office. Bring protective gloves.

Professor Minerva McGonagal

Sirius' jaw dropped as she remembered the prank James Potter had played on him a few days ago. And McGonagal had posted it - for all to see. But as he reached out to rip it from the board, Severus Snape grabbed it and smirked at him maliciously. "I never thought of you as the type for romance, Black," he sneered. "You must be so devastated...ah, well, I'm sure they'll reconsider if you have all the students on your side. Let's read it to them, and see what they think, hmm?"

The Slytherins roared with laughter.

...

END FLASHBACK

...

As he wrote his note to Professor McGonagal, Sirius shuddered at the memory, and resolved that, even though he had stopped Snape from reading it to the entire school, he hadn't heard the end of this


	10. Lily

Dear Remus,

Hey, I need some advice really badly. What is the best strategy to get rid of a slimy, arrogant toerag called James Potter? This is an emergency, please reply quickly, I can't avoid him for much longer - He keeps pestering me to go to Hogsmeade.

Love, Lily Evans

...

Dear Lily,

I am hurt that you would treat me so. Me, who would sacrifice my life for you, my darling!

_Lily, I'm sorry, but I don't think it's possible to get rid of James. He'll stick to you like that Giant Squid._

Hey! Stop! Nobody mentions the Squid! Ever!

_If you really want to get rid of James-_

**Stuff him in with Remus during the full moon.**

_Sirius! Be careful!_

**Oh, but I am! I'm always careful! Except for that time I was messing about at the lake and almost pushed Franny in. Or when I tried to bungee jump off the roof and the cord wasn't tied tightly enough, and it snapped just above the ground. Or-**

I think we get it, mate. Lily, if you go out with me, I'll be like Remus for a week.

_What? Why would you do that?_

You're the only one of us she actually likes. You should have heard her yell at Peter, Sirius and I at lunch yesterday...

_Lily, try locking him in our dormitory for a day or two, see if it lowers his ego a bit._

What? I-

_Love, Remus_


	11. Severus

Dear Marauders,

If I have an orange, an apple, and a pear, how many peaches do I have?

Love, Severus Snape

...

**Dear Snivellus,**

**What the heck is this? I mean, oranges and apples are nice and all, but where did the peach come from? If you have an apple, an orange, and a pear, you don't have any peaches! Are you really that awful at-**

I think, he's trying to trick us, mate.

**Oh? Well, Sirius Orion Black is immune to-**

_Oh my gosh! Sirius!_

Hey, who just emptied the box of fruit over Sirius' head?

_Snape's over by Madame Pince. _

Grr! This is what we get for working in the library - ok, everyone out, back to the dormitory!

**...We hate your guts. **_**So **_**much.**

**Love, Marauders**


	12. Bellatrix

Dear Mudbloods,

I have a huge problem. This entire school is filled with pesky, worthless Mudbloods! I really need help killing them off, and, if you don't help me, you'll be first!

Hate, Bellatrix Black

...

_Dear Bellatrix,_

_Sirius and James are still in shock at the content of your letter. I may have to take them up to the hospital wing on my way to Professor Slughorn's office, unless they start hunting you down before I can get them there._

_Remus and I agree completely that you are not very nice._

_Uh, ok, thanks, Peter. Anyway, just because you have a grudge against anyone who isn't like you doesn't mean you have any right to mistreat them. They're people too, you know. Besides, none of us here are muggleborn._

**Mr. Padfoot would like to express his rage that a hag like Bellatrix could post this on The Marauders Advice Board.**

_I think Sirius is still a bit out of it, I think he might be having a breakdown._

_Love, Marauders "Mudbloods"_


	13. Giant Squid II

Dear James,

I still think you're sexy.

Love, Giant Squid

...

Dear Giant Squid,

If you don't drop this joke very, very soon, as in, ASAP, I am going to give you a beating you'll never forget!

Not Love, James


	14. Regulus

Sirius.

Understand I am only asking YOU because I don't know who else to ask. I want

advice. On those of the female gender. As the elder brother, you are required

to give me such advice.

Regulus

...

**Dear**** Regulus,**

**Well, I wasn't expecting a letter from you. Don't you normally go to Lucius for girl advice? Whatever.**

**So, you want to know about girls, huh? Finally, I was starting to worry you weren't interested. I guess I ought to start at the beginning.**

**Girls are very mysterious creatures, bro. Nobody knows exactly where they came from, but we must assume they turned up around the same time as man.**

**One of the things that makes them so mysterious is a little one word thing called: Hormones. No, I don't know exactly what they are, I just know girls have them. Anyway, these hormones really messes up a girl's mood. One moment she's all over you, the next she wants to rip you to pieces. Luckily, we men have the means to defeat these disastrous mood swings.**

**There are three approaches to go about this. One, compliments. Compliment her hair, her outfit, her narrow waist - whatever the heck you think will assist your conquest. Two, gifts. Give her chocolate, flowers, books, whatever she likes best. Three...Actually I've sort of forgotten this one...I think it involved trolls and unicorns...oh, whatever. One and two will do.**

**There may be other approaches that you can discover for yourself, but the ones I have mentioned are the most common.**

**Love, Sirius**

**(PS: If you do decide to buy her chocolate, make sure you do it when Remus isn't around, or it'll never get out of the shop.**


	15. Tashi

Dear Remus-Abby, (Yes you are Abby now, deal with it)

Hi, I'm Tashi. A second year. You don't know me, don't rack your brain-cells.

I must ask... Are you asexual? I'm not asking to be mean, it's just I've

noticed that you don't seem interested in anyone, male or female and well...

Um if you ARE asexual, ?

Thank you for taking the time to read this,

Tashi.

P.s. If it isn't to much to ask, could you be a dook and try to not have the

others boys answer with you? Kiitos!

...

_Dear Tashi,_

_I see you've noticed that Sirius and James seem to be fond of answering every letter, no matter who it's addressed to. Yeah, I'm afraid it's difficult to convince them they shouldn't be writing, but I'm writing this under my bed at midnight so they don't know what they're missing._

_The use of the name "Abby" was a bit of a surprise, but I'm not too worried, Sirius and James have called me that for years, for some reason. _

_I'm pretty sure I'm not asexual, I mean, there are a few good-looking girls out there, I just prefer not to talk about them in public, because otherwise Sirius might start asking me if I want to date the Giant Squid, like he does to James. And if you remember, that lead to James arranging Sirius and the Squid to be married, and I really don't want to have that to be worried about._

_Currently I'm not dating, but I was dating a girl called Diana a week ago. But Sirius and James never knew that. Please do me a favor and don't tell them, they think I've never dated in my life._

_If you have any other questions, feel free to write again._

_Love, Remus_


	16. Andromeda

Dear Marauders,

I don't know you guys very well, since I'm years older than you, but this is really important.

There's this boy I know - Ted, that I really like, but my family has always been against people like him. You saw my sister's letter. What do you think I should do?

Love, Andromeda Black

...

_Dear Andromeda,_

**Kill your sister!**

_No, Sirius! Let me finish! Andromeda, I think in this situation, the most you can do is hope your family can accept him. If not, if you must choose between them, listen to your heart and do what it tells you._

**Holy Merlin, Remus, why are you so sentimental about these things? **

_Because I, unlike you, actually want to help the person sending the letter._

_I agree with Remus!_

**Mr. Padfoot dislikes Mr. Wormtails' comment.**

_What did I do?_

Guys, I need help! Evans is going off at me again and I really want to think up a romantic comeback line-

**Try this: "Hey, Evans, I know you said I'm the last thing on earth you want to date, but what if it was either me or the Giant Squid?"**

_She'd choose the squid._

Thanks for your helpfulness, Remus.

_Your welcome._

That was sarcasm.

_I know._

**Andromeda, I still think you should kill your sister.**

_I still think she should try to get them to accept Ted._

_I think Remus is right._

And I want Evans to like me! Gaaaah!

_Idiots._

_Love, Marauders_


	17. Lily S

Dear Marauders (aka Mr. Prankie-sters),

Hello! I'm wondering if you can help me with something. How do you exactly

pull a prank on someone? I want to prank somebody, but with very little

chances of getting caught. Oh yeah, hi Remus! I'm also a bookie person, like

you! (Can you also tell Severus that he looks cool? Tell James that Lily Evans

will go out with him when he's around 17. I like to give people hope.)

Thanks,

Lily S.

...

**Dear Lily,**

**Finally, someone asks about pranking! **

**Well, pranking can be simple yet hard. The first step is to always, always, draw out a plan. All good pranks came from plans. The best way to come up with a plan is to befriend a nerd, tell them your prank, and then let them do all the planning.**

_I resent that comment._

**You always do, Moony.**

**Your plan should consist of steps, laid out perfectly and well described. If you've got that, you've picked the right nerd.**

I can help with the next part.

The risk of getting caught is always there, but it can be dulled greatly through three simple steps.

1. Before your prank, while setting up the props, choose a time to do it when nobody is around. Mealtimes are a good example.

2. If you can, while the prank is in progress, work your way down to the observing audience and try to blend in with them, to help avoid suspicion.

3. This is a MUST. After the prank, clear up _all evidence. _If there's evidence, there is risk.

**Yeah...what he said.**

_And you always call _me _the nerd..._

**But you are.**

_Whatever. Anyway, Lily, I'm glad to meet another bookworm. I was starting to think I was the only one in Hogwarts! Have you ever read Shakespeare? A famous muggle writer...but that's besides the point._

**Wait, did you ask us to tell Severus he's **_**cool?!**_

_Oh brother._

**No, no way...**

I'll _tell him, Lily. Or I'll try, he might not let me near him. _

Did you say Lily Evans will go out with me? I don't know how you can possibly know that, but...YES! Lily, my love, I am coming for you!

_James?_

What?

_I saw Lily over by Charms...snogging Michael._

...Why the little- 

_Ok, then! Thanks for writing, Lily. Feel free to do so again if you have any more questions!_

_Love, Marauders_


	18. Marlene

Dear Marauders,

I've been reading all your notes on your advice board, and, technically, people seem to have liked the idea you guys came up with. As you may have already noticed, people are already starting to copy it. Did you see that one the Slytherins set up? They're using it as a way to mail insults back and forth. I think maybe you should monitor what people do with your idea, because somebody set up a Giant Squid one for sending love notes to Sirius. Has he found them yet?

Love, Marlene McKinnon

….

_Dear Marlene,_

_I noticed a variety of those boards around school, but I never really paid any attention to them._

People copied our idea? The thieves!

_They're perfectly at liberty to copy it._

So what? We came up with it first...at least ours is still the most popular, I'd hate it if-

**Did you **_**see **_**what I found on my bed?**

_Sirius, not now, we're trying to write a letter to Marlene._

**Did she say about the Squid Love Notes? I just found a whole load of them on my bed! At least half of them are sexually explicit-**

Marlene, this is James. Could you deliver a message to Evans for me?

Your hair like the sunset,

My favorite sight.

From the first we met,

You are my delight.

Thanks!

**...And he couldn't write that poem for History of Magic? He just wrote one! Wait a second...James! Was it **_**you**_** who sent those notes?**

Me? Heck no!

**Then why is this last one signed, Giant Squid/Jamesey?**

...Uh-Well-...

**Oh, so it **_**was**_** you, was it? How would you like me to show you the cursing abilities of my new wand?**

_Thanks for your concern, Marlene. We'll make sure we're aware of everyone's copies. I can see that one Molly set up next to the fireplace with Lily. Tell them its good, if you have time._

_Love, Marauders_


	19. Janet

Dear Peter,

Sweetie, I've mailed you that dictionary Remus forgot at our house last summer. Make sure to give it back to him.

Love, Janet Pettigrew/Mum

….

_Dear Mum,_

_Okay, I will._

**Where did **_**this**_** come from? Surely your mother can't be at Hogwarts, so-**

_Love Peter, and, briefly, Sirius_


	20. Lord Voldemort

Dear Marauders,

_Avada Kedavra!_

Death, Lord Voldemort

….

**Dear Voldy,**

**We're all pretty sure you're not actually Voldemort. Stuff you. And if you really are, stuff you times two.**

**Love, Marauders**


	21. James

Dear Marauders,

I know it's a bit weird me sending a note, I mean, this is _our_ board, but since this is an advice board I figured I'd give it a shot anyways.

One word: Evans. Advice?

Love, James

….

**Dear James,**

**What on earth happened to the squid? What caused you to have such a damage to your memory? Don't you remember your undying love?**

Shut up and answer my letter!

_How about leaving her alone for a bit. I know you like her, mate, but it's pretty obvious she isn't enjoying your unwavering attention. It's vexatious._

**Once again we are witnesses of Remus' extended vocabulary. What the heck is vexatious?**

_Annoying._

**James annoying? Forget it, **_**you're**_** the one with the brain damage. Lily is just being a right little-**

_Maybe Lily has a point every time she announces that James could use a little humility. Perhaps that's all he's missing._

**Humility my…**

_Honestly, James, I really do think all you need is humility. Maybe you could just try keeping your head down a little?_

_I agree with Remus!_

**Wormtail, you **_**always**_** agree with Remus.**

**Love, Marauders**


	22. Frank

Dear Marauders,

Which do you prefer, guys or girls?

Love, Frank Longbottom

….

**Dear Frank,**

**Is that a question asking if any of us are gay? Don't you think you're being a teensy weensy bit personal?**

I'll take either a guy or a girl, as long as it's Evans.

_Girls, I think._

_Girls for me too._

**I thought you were asexual, Moony.**

_No…_

**That's what Tashi said, though!**

_And then I put Tashi right. Seriously, I'm straight._

**You know, now that you mention it, Frankie, I have taken a certain liking to Professor Dumbledore.**

_What?_

What?

**Kidding. Girls. As long as they're hot. With lots, and lots of cherry flavored lip gloss. And a smoking figure.**

_Typical._

_Love, Marauders_


	23. Giant Squid III

Dear James,

Ooh, baby, my tentacles

Shrivel at the sight of you

Your nerdy, black glasses

Take all my breath away

Baby why don't you now

Come down and see me

I'm longing for your company

Deep down in the sea

Sweetie you're destiny

Baby you're my life

Come down now with me

'Cos squids love company

Baby baby baby yeah

Baby baby baby oooooh

Dearest you're roaring waves

The seaweed I hold dear

You are my everything

And you're my everyone

So join me in the deep

Never mind your friends

They're nothing, nothing to me

I'm your bestest friend, baby

Baby baby baby yeah

Baby baby baby oooooh

Sweetie you're destiny

Baby you're my life

Come down now with me

'Cos squids love company

Sweetie you're destiny

Baby you're my life

Come down now with me

'Cos squids love company

Love, Giant Squid (7 tonight, my place)

….

Dear Giant Squid,

Sheesh, Sirius, you suck at song writing!

Hate Ya, James


	24. Anna

Dear Remus,

Could you remind me...Was our date at 7 tonight or 8?

Love, Anna Johnson

….

**Dear Anna,**

**You're dating Remus? I thought he'd never dated in his life!**

_Thought wrong, didn't we?_

**But you're asexual!**

_Padfoot! I already told you-_

**No-No-This can't be happening. The Marauders' nerd can't be allowed to date! That would be so much time wasted that could be used on prank planning!**

Hey, Remus, you've got a girlfriend! Epic!

_I got one too! Franny asked me out just after Anna asked Remus-_

…

…

**Let me get this straight. **_**You**_** got **_**asked out**_**. Dear Merlin.**

And you know what? I know a whole load of other people who got asked out today too...maybe it's national dating day. Ha! I can ask Evans, if it's national dating day she won't be able to say no-

_There is no such thing, Prongs. It'll just be a coincidence. _

_It's 7, Anna. See you tonight._

**And you couldn't ask Evans, James. She's already dating a guy called John-**

Aaaaaaah!

_Love, Remus_


	25. Peter

Dear Marauders,

Hey, since James asked for advice and got it, I wanted to ask something too. Should I wear Green or Purple for my date with Franny tonight?

Love, Peter

….

_Dear Peter,_

_I'd say green. It brings out the color of your eyes more._

**...Is this really worth asking in a letter? Why not ask personally?**

Do you know your girls' favorite colors? If it's one of those two you should wear the color she likes best, impress her a bit. For example, Evans favorite is blue, and I've been wearing blue t-shirts for the last 5 weeks-

**The Giant Squids' favorite is red, like its splotches, which James really should be wearing instead of blue, seeing as they're made for each other.**

Oh, don't you go there.

_One or the other, Peter, I don't think it really matters. Just see which one looks better on you._

_Love, Marauders_


	26. Ghost

Dear Marauders,

I love to study. I am addicted to chocolate. I mysteriously disappear every full moon. I am often the reason in my group of friends. Who am I?

….

**Dear Whoever-You-Are,**

**You are Remus Lupin.**

_I didn't write that. Who wrote this? Was it you, Sirius?_

**No. If I'd wanted to tease you, I'd have done it in front of your girlfriend, and probably Evans too.**

_That does sound like you, Moony. Maybe James?_

Nuh-uh. Nada. Zilch.

**_Nope, that was me._**

**Woah, funky writing…...But I don't see who wrote it. You guys see anyone around the table I don't? Am I becoming mentally ill? **

_I don't see anyone._

_Or me!_

Nope.

_**Ghosts don't tend to become visible to the living unless they wish to be seen.**_

_Noooo! I hate ghosts! They feel all icy and freezing when they go through you-_

**Okay, ghosty, it's a bit creepy having writing appear on the page from out of nowhere. Care to reveal yourself?**

_**Sorry, but I cant. **_

**Why not?**

_**Just trust me. About the note. I wrote that just to test out my skills at legillimency. Remus Lupin, is what I wrote like you?**_

_Very._

_**Good, I can do it. I'm a new ghost, I wanted to make sure my skills are still intact. Sorry for taking up your time. Bye!**_

**...Bye?**

**Love, Marauders**


	27. Franny

Dear Peter,

I Luv U!

Love, Franny

….

_Dear Franny,_

_I Luv U 2!_

…

…

**...I thought I'd be dead before I heard anyone say that to Peter.**

_Sirius, not all girls go for guys because of looks. More like personality._

**Dude, Franny's like 1 foot taller than Peter.**

_Like I said. And this is Peter's letter, so would you care to stop writing?_

**Look who's talking!**

_Better close this, Peter. _

_Thanks, Franny! See you tomorrow!_

_Love, Peter XOXO_


	28. Danielle

Dear Marauders,

My name is Danielle Kane, and I was wondering if any of you guys wanted to go out tomorrow? If any of you are free, anyways. There's a picture next to this letter so you know what I look like.

Love, Danielle Kane

….

**Dear Danielle,**

**This is Sirius. I am so there. How about 6 tomorrow, eh? **

_What happened to Julia, then?_

**Dumped her ages ago. She was so bad at snogging-**

_Ewwww!_

**Besides, this one's much hotter. Nice hair, Danielle…**

Does Danielle know Evans? Could she ask her out for me if I go by the name of Jeremy Highland?

**Don't bother. As soon as she saw you she'd turn right around and stalk through the door like a hyena with a gland disorder.**

_...Do you even know what that looks like?_

**Yeah. It wasn't pretty. So, think about 6, kay, Danny? You'll find me in the great hall.**

_How many girlfriends has he had now, Remus? 8?_

_9._

_Love, Marauders_


	29. Minerva II

Dear Marauders,

Detention. 9 tonight. You will need only yourselves. Mr. Lupin, you have been exempted, but try not to get mixed up with your friends in things like this, it makes it difficult to know if you are at fault.

Sincerely, Professor McGonagal

….

_Dear Professor McGonagal,_

_She's right, guys. That was totally stupid._

**So what? We soaked the entire great hall during lunch. It was **_**so**_** worth it. Did you **_**see**_** the look on Malfoys' face-**

Darn-I think I would have preferred to be left out, Evans practically killed me for dropping that plate on Snivellus' head…

_Franny thought it was sort of funny._

Humph.

_Obviously you forgot we have a major Charms test tomorrow. You won't be able to study for it. And no, you will not get to copy my notes this time._

**Remus, please?**

_I refuse._

**You don't love me.**

We aren't getting notes, either? But Sirius did most of it-

_Beg. To. Differ._

Well, okay, it _was_ my idea to coat the Slytherin table in red food coloring after the water-

_Love, Marauders_

_(PS: Thanks, Professor.)_


	30. Rodolphus

Dear Sirius,

I can't believe you actually drenched my house table in water and food coloring. Dude, that was so old school. Is that the best you can come up with?

Sheesh, Rodolphus Lestrange

….

**Dear Rodolphus,**

**Nobody ever insults my pranks! There is nothing old fashioned about water drenching!**

Sirius, can I drench him again? I've got _blue_ food coloring-

**Go away, James!**

**Anyways, if you think water drenching is old school, wait 'till the next one I pull off! I've got Moony on the case-**

_Padfoot, you are aware that this prank would cost you half of your family fortune? It's ridiculously expensive-_

**Just write out the blueprint, wolfy. I've got a correspondent to insult.**

_I'm surprised you know what correspondent means._

**My vocabulary isn't **_**that**_** bad, Moony.**

**My pranks, Rodol, are not old school. Now push off for your next date with my cousin or something. Just leave us alone.**

_Tell Severus Hi!_

**No, Peter, we do not say Hi to Snivellus.**

_Love, Marauders_


	31. Random Fourth Year

Dear Marauders,

I think you guys have made Snape go round the bend. I saw him crying and he

had blood running down his arms. Would you guys please stop pranking him? I

think he's suicidal :(

Love,

A Random Fourth Year

….

**Dear Random Fourth Year,**

**Snape? Suicidal? I thought he'd been like that since birth!**

_Sirius, honestly-_

**Okay, okay, Snape is suicidal. What was the blood all about, then? Bet he's been getting into fights…**

_Si-ri-us!_

**Sorry.**

_I think what this person means is Snape's cutting himself or something. I think some muggles do that when they're super depressed. They like the pain._

**Weeeeird.**

_Whoever you are, I'm not the one who goes about pranking Snape, but I'll do my best to restrain the others. In fact, I wouldn't mind if you watched him for me? I'd like to know what he's up to. I don't think Hogwarts would appreciate a suicide victim. Write again._

_Remus, what's suicide?_

_Love, Marauders_


	32. Meee?

Dear James,

Hey, do you find it weird that a lot of people cosplay (dress up as you)? Cuz I do, and I know a lot of people do too. Actually, they do all of the marauders! And most of them are usually girls. I was just wondering if you find that odd.

Loooooove,

MEEE!

….

**Dear MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-**

Oi! My letter! Go away, Sirius!

**Sorry.**

Sheesh. Hey, MEEE. (Love your name.) 

People dress up as me? Really? Sweet...No I do not find that weird in the slightest. I can totally imagine all those girls fawning over my stupendous good looks.

_Pfft!_

Repeat. This is my letter. Shove off.

Why do you find it weird that people dress up as me? 

_In case you didn't notice, Prongs, she said they do _all_ of us._

Fine, party pooper. Why do you find it weird that people dress up as all of us? I mean, we _are_ the sexiest teens on campus. Well, except for maybe Peter.

_Hey!_

Shhh!

No, I do not think this is strange, MEEE. However, the fact that all of the cosplayers are girls might take a bit of the sexiness away from the shots...hum...Oh, I don't know. How about you send me a few pictures? I'd love to see them.

Love, Marauders


	33. Lily S II

Dear Marauders,

I know it's been a long time since I actually posted and y'all answered. And, uh, well, thanks for the advice. Except for the fact that my parents didn't like the prank. (As they somehow found out it was me.) I'm supposed to be the best student in my classes, and I have never gotten detention before. I want my parents to be proud of me.

What should I do?

Thanks,

Lily S.

….

_Dear Lily,_

_It is a bit of a blow when you're caught. It can always happen, no matter what you did to try and cover up your tracks._

**Did you do everything on the list?**

_I think we can assume she followed the list._

Parents never really like pranks, Lily. It's a mystery why, they just seem to be allergic.

**...My parents are allergic to me even when I'm not pranking people...**

_I've found myself in your situation a few times, but rarely. I don't tend to participate in the prank. I just plan it. I was unhappy about my parents being told first time, too. They grounded me until the next full moon._

**Uh, a bit of a risky comment, don't you think, Moony?**

Ah, the "furry little problem", yes. When _is_ the next moon?

_Focus on the letter, guys. _

_Lily, when I was first caught it hurt, and I was afraid of disappointing my parents. But most parents are proud of their children, whether they have good grades or bad, whether they spend their time being good students or pranking every prank under the sun, like Sirius._

**Like me?**

_Like you._

_I don't think you need to make much of a sweat about it, Lily. If you're that bothered, you can make them a solemn promise not to do it again - unless you will, of course._

**Like me.**

_Yes, Sirius, like you._

_Love, Marauders_


	34. Giant Squid IV

Dear James,

Honey, you're so funny

Baby, call me, maybe

Cutie it's your duty

Sweet we should meet

Love, Giant Squid (Your future spouse!)

….

Dear Giant Squid,

The joke is getting a bit old, kay? And the poetry made my eyes bleed.

Love, James (your future murderer)


	35. The Slytherin Insults Board

Dear Marauders,

This is the Slytherin Insults Board. We are here today to insult everything about you.

James Potter. Your glasses make you look like the geek we both saw walking down the hall yesterday.

Sirius Black. You look like your mother with mental disabilities.

Remus Lupin. You, mate, disappear every full moon. Can you say, "filthy half-breed"?

Peter Pettigrew. Don't even get me started on you. There's so much I could say. Fat butt, thick as a troll...etc,etc.

Love, Severus Snape (S.I.B President)

….

**Dear Snivellus,**

**You sure as heck better hope nobody saw the part about Remus before we did, or you may find yourself locked in the room with him next full moon.**

You hurt me, Snivellus. That geek we both caught sight of looked like you with glasses, braces, and a hunched back. That looks nothing like me! I have hot, lush locks, a killer smile, and a body that doesn't quit! You call that geek?!

**As for my insult, I'm not too bothered. Nobody could **_**ever**_** look that bad. It's just not possible. I don't know a single person on earth with as many warts as my mother.**

"_Filthy half-breed"? Isn't that Umbridge's line?_

**Who?**

_That ministry bird we read in the paper. Called everything from half-giants to werewolves "filthy half-breeds"._

**Oh, yeah.**

_I'm pretty used to your werewolf stuff, Snape. It really doesn't do much anymore. Try insulting my chocolate addiction next time._

**Woah, woah! Don't give him ideas!**

_I have not got a fat butt! I am not as thick as a troll! Ha!_

_Well done, Peter._

**Ay.**

**Love, Marauders**


	36. Lily II

Dear Remus,

I've noticed some weird things about you. You'll disappear once a month and

come back all haggard and pale, and you were really quiet when we were

studying werewolves in DADA. Is something wrong? And what's with those silly

nicknames you and your friends have? Also, yesterday in Charms I saw a bit of

light-colored fur sticking to the back of your robe, and it's definitely not

dog hair.

Explain, Lily

….

_Dear Lily,_

_I have no idea what you're talking about. That makes me sound like some kind of werewolf or something._

**And we all know **_**that's**_** not accurate…**

_Zip it!_

_Lily, are you sure I've only been gone once a month? I'm sure that's just a coincidence. My mother has been very sick, see, and I visit her as often as I can. It always has a bad effect on me, seeing her like that, and for a few days I feel a bit out of it. I never knew I was pale, though._

**You look like heck, mate. Siriusly.**

That joke gets old really, really fast, Padfoot.

_I'm trying to write, so shhh._

_Lily, I wasn't feeling well when we were studying werewolves. I had a huge headache. Didn't I tell you? I guess not. There really isn't anything wrong with me besides the usual human ailments._

_The nicknames are just fun between friends. We came up with those at the start of first year. We thought they sounded cool, so we each picked one and they've stuck ever since._

_As for the fur...I was out in the forest helping prepare our next Care of Magical Creatures Lesson. The fur must have come from one of the animals there._

_Love, Remus_


	37. Remus' First Flashback

FLASHBACK

...

"I don't know if she's going to fall for that, Moony," Sirius said, staring down at Remus' reply to Lily's accusation. "She's on to you."

Remus shook his head gravely. "It's worth a shot. I don't want anyone to know I'm a werewolf who doesn't need to know. It'll only scare them."

James looked up from the half-finished Potions essay sitting in his lap. "I don't think Evans would be too bothered. You needn't make too much of a sweat." his eyes flicked towards the essay again, and his mouth twisted in exasperation. "Pfft. I give. Want to go play Quidditch, Padfoot?" he pushed aside his homework as he and Sirius raced for the portrait hole.

"You really should finish that-"

Too late. They were gone. Remus leant back in his chair and looked over his letter. He didn't think he had enough energy to improve it. The full moon was merely 5 days away, and his strength was drained. This would have to do.

Even with his 3 best friends, tonight, Remus felt more alone than ever.

...

END FLASHBACK


	38. Remus?

Dear Sirius,

Your hair, black as James' heart

Your eyes that tear my heart apart

Your killer looks and killer smile

You make me want to stay awhile

Love, Remus

….

**Dear Remus,**

**...Ouch.**

_Hey! I did _not_ write that! Who wrote that?!_

**Dear Merlin, Remus! I haven't laughed this much all week! Gosh, stop doing stuff like this, I almost feel proud of you! And that just isn't good for my health…**

_Might have been a Slytherin. I could of sworn I saw about 7 crawling around the board this morning._

**Aw, is poor Remmy embarrassed? Is that why poor Remmy has such a red face?**

_ $**._

**Remmy swore! Oh my gosh, Remmy swore! Bad Remmy!**

_ $**, $**, $**, $**!_

Woah, that's a new record for Moony. 5 swears in one decade…

**PMS. Pre-Moon Syndrome. It can't be helped.**

_I bet I know who did it._

**Who? **

_Some chick called Sammy, I upset her yesterday._

**What did you do?**

_You really don't want to know. I hope nobody saw this note, or I'll be a subject of ridicule for weeks-_

**Ha ha ha!**

_...and so will you._

**-Oh.**

Looks like a girls writing. I'll find out for you later, kay?

_Love, Remus_


	39. Jessie

Dear Marauders,

What should I do when I have a particularly bad hair day?

Love, Jessie Fairbanks

….

**Dear Jessie,**

**You do know that none of us four guys have ever had bad hair days? **

_No? I would have though yours would be long enough to pose a problem sometimes._

**Honestly, Jessie, I'm afraid we don't have much advice for you on the subject of **_**hair.**_

You should try Molly's board. She posts new hair techniques like every day. And if you like curling, she's the best choice.

**Why were you looking at Molly's board?**

Evans is the co-manager.

**Pfft...Duh, Sirius.**

_My mother used to do a lot with hair. Maybe I could talk to you at lunch, Jessie? I might be able to help you a little-_

**PETER! What the heck is wrong with your hair?!**

_I don't know. I just woke up today and it was all frizzy. Does it look that bad?_

**I take back what I said about none of us having bad hair days.**

_Love, Marauders_


	40. Severus II

Dear Marauders,

I know your secret, an I would use it against you if Dumbledore hadn't sworn

me to secrecy. I will hold this against you forever.

Hate, Severus Snape, future DADA teacher

….

**Dear Snape,**

**I knew it! I've known it for years! You're crazier than Lupin!**

_Oh for-_

**Secret? What secret? Unless you're talking about that prank we pulled that almost killed some chick from your house. I'm pretty sure no-one knows about that.**

_They do now._

**Dumbledore swears you to secrecy-ha! And what's all the crap about future DADA teacher? I sure hope you aren't talking about yourself.**

Oops. I think I know what he might mean!

I might, maybe, possibly, have let slip about our little moonlight adventures? And how we spend them?

**You idiot.**

_I knew I never should have let you come with me._

**Furry little problem or no furry little problem, friends stick together. Savvy?**

**Love, Marauders**

**(PS: Shut your trap and leave us alone.)**


	41. Lily III

Dear Marauders,

As I am sure you all remember, yesterday in the courtyard I threw a ball, and

Sirius Black chased it. ON ALL FOURS. Now I know something is up. And Peter,

stop chewing on things that aren't really food. It makes you looks downright

rat-like. Lastly- Potter, next time in Potions, I'm sure you can handle your

own powdered antler of deer from now on. You looked sick when we used it.

Don't make Remus do it.

I want answers, Lily

….

Dear Lily,

Go out with me, my dear, and I will show you every ugly little detail about our secret lives!

**Oh, no you will **_**not**_**. **

**Hey...I chased a ball on all fours? I don't remember crawling around like some dog.**

_I do. It really was amusing. Lily looked like she might die of disgust, though._

**Preposterous! Then again, I don't remember much from yesterday. I have no idea what happened from breakfast to bedtime.**

Oi, Black. I just found a Squid love note on your bed. And it wasn't _me_ who wrote it.

_I'm sorry I upset you, Lily. I always chew when I'm nervous. I'll stop. Remind me when I forget, will you?_

Hey, guys, Padfoot's over at his bed going off about that note. Don't go over there.

Of course I looked sick in Potions, Evans! Didn't you hear about my deadly flu? Right afterwards I threw up and had to be taken to the hospital wing at once - that's why I didn't turn up for the rest of the day. I most certainly did not skip class, I'm ashamed you would think that.

_She didn't ask about skipping classes._

Oh! Never mind!

_We do have our strange ways, Lily, but it's nothing to worry about. James' ego is more dangerous._

_Love, Marauders_

(PS: I resent that, Moony)


	42. Meee II

Dear Marauders,

It's meee again! Hehe! I just wanted to tell Peter that no matter what anyone

says, you are very hot! Not as hot as James but...Here's my list 1. being the

hottest and 4. being not as hot as the others.

1. Jamie-wamie!

2. Petey-pie!

3. Ickle Remmykinz!

4. Siripoo!

Discuss!

Love, Meee! Ps, my real names Brittany. :)

….

**Dear MEEE/Brittany,**

**Why the heck am I fourth on the list?! It's supposed to be me at number one! And at two, Remus-**

Hey, what about me?!

**Then James-**

Phew.

**And Peter last!**

_Aw…_

_I think the list is a little something called opinion, Padfoot. In Brittany's mind, she thinks James is hottest, followed by Peter, then me, and you - last. _

**Opinions are stupid, unless they're the same as mine.**

_Thanks, Brittany! You're very nice to say that!_

_Life is full of disappointments. Better get used to it, Padfoot._

**Brittany, what's with the nicknames? 'Siripoo' seems a little extreme, know what I mean?**

It's better than Jamie-wamie.

**I wouldn't count on it, Prongsie...Then again, Ickle Remmykinz is pretty hilarious...**

_My father used to call me that._

**Ba ha ha ha-**

You poor thing.

**-ha ha ha ha-**

_My Dad called me Peety-Weety._

**-ha ha ha ha-**

_Thanks for the letter, Brittany. Feel free to contact again._

_Love, Marauders_

**(PS: BA HA HA HA HA!)**


	43. Lyliana

Dear Marauders,

Will you tell me a story?

Love, Lyliana Kettile

….

**Dear Lyliana,**

**You have got to be a first year.**

Hey, I have a good idea for a story. What about-

**No way, I've got this. Let Padfoot work his magic.**

**Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, wait, no, a forest far, far away- there was a little boy called Little Red Remmy Hood.**

_Oh, my gosh._

**Little Red Remmy Hood was a nerd who loved books and chocolate, and walking about the forest every night, except for full moons, for reasons I will not tell you.**

**Remmy was boring, it was true, but the smart, attractive wolf who lived in the forest thought he'd make a good meal.**

**The wolf was named Sirius the Awesome-**

Where do I turn up, then?

**-And nobody could stand up to him for 10 seconds without being eaten.**

**And that warm Monday morning, Remmy was set for his Grandfather's cottage, who was called James Potter.**

There I am!

**In his hand he carried a basket full of chocolate frogs and every flavor beans. But he had no way of knowing that neither he nor his basket would be reaching the cottage…**

**Sirius the Awesome peered through the trees as the little boy passed, and, waiting for precisely the right moment, he pounced on him and the basket, ripping it from his grip.**

"**Ah!" the little boy yelled. "This guy's too awesome for me to fight!"**

**(Stop moaning, Remus!) **

**The basket was gobbled up by Sirius the Awesome, and Remmy was left to meet his doom.**

But before Sirius could eat Remmy, along came his Grandfather!

**Hey! Prongs-**

James Potter was tall, and, admittedly, rather good-looking for someone so old. He was still blind dating! The dashing man swung his heavy, golden axe at Sirius the Awesome, and chopped him in half! 

Sirius the Awesome was now- Sirius the Decapitated.

Remmy and James were left to stroll down to the cottage, leaving the lonely old wolf bleeding in a pile on the ground, until some dogs came along and gobbled him all up.

THE END!

**I hate you, James.**

Love, Marauders


	44. Lonely For Love

Dear Marauders,

I'm a quiet single Hufflepuff who's looking to date a cute, friendly guy. And

no, Sirius, I do not mean you. I may not have Ravenclaw smarts, but it doesn't

take a genius to realize you have commitment issues. I don't want a fling, I

want something solid. Know anyone good?

Sincerely,

Lonely for Love

...

**Dear Lonely for Love,**

**I so do not have commitment issues! I've dated one girl for one month solid before without cheating **_**once!**_

Pffffffftttttt...

**It's true!**

_A solid guy? We have a couple in my class you might be interested in. Try talking to John Penning, or Gordon Johnson..._

**Aren't they taken?**

_You seduced both of their girlfriends._

**Eh? Oh, yeah...heh heh...**

Sirius, mate, I've just had three girls come up to me and yell that you've been dating all of them at once-could you help me get rid of them please?

_Busted._

**Lonely for Love, or whatever your name is...I do not cheat on my girlfriends.**

_What did James just go through then? _

**Oh, those will just be girls who **_**want**_** to date me. They're not actually...you know...**

_..._

_..._

...

**Fine! Maybe I do get bored of a girl a bit more quickly than most guys..but I only cheat on two thirds of them.**

_Try my suggestions, Lonely for Love. You might actually like them...but try to do it when Sirius isn't around._

**Remus John Lupin-If you say one more word, I will hex you, tie you up, and lock you in the closet for the full moon-**

_Fine, if you want to wake up to find me galloping around the room at the foot of your bed._

_Love, Marauders_


	45. Lily IV

Dear James,

Fine. FINE. I will go on ONE date with you, but in that date you must explain

everything. And I mean everything. If you do not explain in full, I will just

have to find out on my own. I have my ways. Meet me at 8 in front of the

Shrieking Shack. We have a Hogsmeade trip that day. The light of the full moon

should guide you well enough. It's supposed to be very bright then.

Love, Lily

...

Dear Lily,

YES YES YES YES YES YES! I shall spill every little secret, my love!

**Oh no you will not!**

Remus told me I could tell Lily if I wanted to!

**Pfft, you know how Remus is so close to the full moon. He probably won't even remember saying it...just like me during a hangover. Especially if I was drinking firewhisky.**

I'm going. End of story.

**Fine, go. But don't ask me to cry over your bloody remains.**

Remains? What-

**Because, my fine friend, the shrieking shack will be occupied by our very own little werewolf, who will probably be feeling pretty hungry.**

So what? Remus said, and even if Remus doesn't remember-

**You want to get Lily killed too?**

B-B-But...Heck no.

**Well then.**

_Go, but not to the shack._

**...**

Really?

_I agree with you, James. Lily needs to know. But keep her away from Hogsmeade._

You heard Moony, Lily. How about you meet me at the entrance and we'll decide where to go there? And I swear I'll tell you everything.

Love, James


	46. Chocoholic

Dear Remus,

Which is better, milk chocolate or dark chocolate? And how best to eat it, in big gulps or dainty bites?

Love, Chocoholic

...

_Dear Chocoholic,_

_I suppose everyone has their own opinions, but I don't really like dark chocolate. It just seems so..._

**...Dark?**

_Shh. I really do prefer milk chocolate. And as for how to eat it? I honestly have no idea. From your suggestions, I'd say my way is pretty much bang in the middle._

_Love, Remus_


	47. Lily S III

Dear Marauders,

Thanks. That means a lot to me.

Remus: How do you feel about Muggle technology? Necromancy? Pyromancy?

Divination?

Peter: What do you want to be when school ends?

Lily S.

PS: I'm a muggle-born. But also: Do you know what the Shadow Realm is?

...

**Dear Lily,**

**Wonderful! Uh...what means a lot to you?**

Shut up.

_Muggle technology, huh? You mean like televisions and videogames and such._

**Wow, you're even more of a nerd than I thought. Even I have no idea what those are.**

_That isn't saying much._

_I used to spend a lot of time using muggle technology, Lily. My mother is a muggle-born, and she keeps a lot of it around the house. It can actually be rather useful._

_As for necromancy? I have to say I think the dead really should be left alone. And what's pyromancy? Do you mean pyromania?_

**What's that?**

_The urge to set fire to things._

**Woah. I never knew I was suffering from pyromania.**

Huh? What?

_Divination is ok, but it really does seem to be way too much guesswork._

_Ooh, what I want to be when I grow up? Uh...I dunno. Maybe I could go into the Ministry or something. You think that would be ok?_

_I don't think any of us know what The Shadow Realm is. Care to enlighten us?_

_Love, Marauders_


	48. Marianne

Dear Marauders,

Something weird happened the other day. I was taking a bath and found a big

black dog right next to my clothes just as I was about to change. He looked so

adorable I hugged him before remembering..well..you know. And I can't find him

anywhere. Do you know where I might find Snuffles(My nickname for him, he

seemed to like it)?

Love, Marianne C., Ravenclaw

Ps. I know you don't get along with Severus, but I'm not here to nag you about

that. Remember how McGonagal punished James for making Lily's boyfriend go

bald? I know for a fact Severus did it. He really seems to like her, is that

why you keep teasing him?

...

Dear Marianne,

Oh my gosh. Tell me you didn't.

_He did._

Sirius Orion Black, you snuck into the girl's bathroom?!

**I have no idea what you're talking about.**

You know very well what I'm talking about! There is only one black dog in Hogwarts who could ever get into the girl's bathroom, and guess who that is? You.

**You're so wrong! I would never sink that low! Because-**

Because it's wrong to stare at naked women?

**-Because that is so old-fashioned. I could do **_**so**_** much better than that. I'd take a **_**picture**_** of the woman.**

I bet you would have if you'd had a camera with you!

**Why make so big a fuss about it James?! You'd have gone right along with me!**

I know! It just feels good to have an argument, because I haven't had one all week!

_Typical._

_I like your nickname, Sirius._

Yeah...Snuffles. I think you should change your first name to Snuffles...

**As if.**

SNUFFLES SNUFFLES SNUFFLES, YEAH!

_Marianne, I didn't know Severus had made Lily's boyfriend go bald. I was sure that was James._

Humph...SNUFFLES!

_You are extremely weird, Prongs._

_If any of us are teasing Severus because he likes Lily, it's probably just James._

_Love, Marauders_

(PS: Tell Sirius he should change his name to Snuffles.)


	49. Rose

Dearest Sirius,

My sister, Alice Michaels, graduated last year and warned me to stay away from

you. I didn't quiet understand what she meant but then I started watching

you...well I seem to have developed a bit of a crush on you because of it. I'm

actually quite certain that it's all in my head because she told me to stay

away so I wanted to know if maybe you would like to go on a date with me? I

hope this will get rid of my urge to lo...like you. I'm afraid I don't have a

picture of myself but I sit in front of you during potions.

Love, Rose Michaels, Gryffindor

(Slight P.S to Remus: I can't seem to find Nevermore, my kitten, I noticed she

likes to hang around you. Have you seen her? She's all black with one little

white diamond on her forehead.)

...

**Dear Rose,**

**Don't you worry, there are a lot of chicks who get mad at me when I don't date them. They tend to do stuff like that to get back at me.**

_*Cough cough*_

**...Shut your trap.**

**Rose, you're not the first to like me, and you won't be the last. You don't need to feel you're alone in this...and I do remember you, you're the blonde one right? And seeing as I am currently free, how about you come over at lunch and we'll talk about it?**

**Love, Sirius**

(PS: Don't listen to him! Your sister was right-)

**I SAID, LOVE SIRIUS!**

...Love, Sirius...


	50. Lily V

Dear James,

This morning you told me that our meeting thing couldn't be in Hogsmeade. Why

not? It's TOMORROW. You can't just do stuff like that. Well... we could meet

on the seventh floor balcony. And I refuse to call it a date. Let's change the

time to midnight, so nobody sees us.

See you, Lily

...

Dear Lily,

Sorry. I'll tell you everything, okay? Just- not Hogsmeade. I'll tell you about that too. See you then.

Love, James

(PS: It's not a date? Crap...)


	51. Kathleen

Dear Marauders or should I say Dear Peeping Toms,

My sister doesn't know about your reply since I peeled it down before she

could see it. I cannot believe you Sirius Black, having the gall to sneak into

the women's bathroom! I don't know how you did it since you scratched that

part out, but I will find out!

And Pettigrew, I hear you own a rat. This wouldn't mean a thing except I found

that rat in my underwear just as I was about to change! I almost caught and

drowned it before it got away. CONTROL IT!

Sincerely, Kathleen C., Ravenclaw

...

**Dear Kathleen,**

**Oh, come on! It was just a bit of-**

_-Fun? Keep going like this, and we'll be having letters screaming for your immediate_

_execution._

**Remus, I've had about a dozen of those during my short life. What's a few more?**

_Just stop it._

**Kathleen, it really is none of your business how I got there. Siriusly-I mean, seriously.**

Wait a moment...Peter doesn't own a rat...But he _can_, you know...

**Oh my gosh! Peter's been following my example!**

PETER!

_Huh?_

WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE GIRL'S DORMITORIES?

**I should give you a big hug...except that would sort of crush my dignity.**

That was you, wasn't it!

_No, of course not! Remember the Marauder code? Point 18 clearly states-_

Oh, right. "Peter will never intercept any public place as a rat, for his fear of spreading disease. Penalty: Loss of Marauder membership." Sorry, mate.

_That's okay._

**Okay, scratch the hug.**

**Love, Marauders**

_(PS: Kathleen, do you think I _should_ get a rat? I've always wanted a pet, but Mum always told me they were unhealthy...)_


	52. Marianne II

Dear Marauders,

I found Snuffles again! For some reason, he only shows up when I'm done in the

shower. I gave him a bath yesterday and got so wet I had to take off my

clothes to dry him off. He was so friendly, licking me all the time. Unlike

the guys I've dated, dogs are completely faithful (unless there's food involved).

And don't underestimate Severus. Last Christmas when you guys were at home,

Lilly and her ex-boyfriend Keith were getting quite cozy with each other. The

very next day, Keith came out with huge orange blisters on his face.

McGonagal thought it was you until she remembered you were at home. I noticed

Severus sending him the same look he sends James when he gets one up on him,

grim pleasure.

Speaking of which, I think you should carry some potion antidotes with you. I

told Lily about Snuffles and she got a ** look on her face. Then I saw

Severus listening in before glaring you guys' direction loathingly. I don't

understand, but I think you're in trouble.

Love, Marianne C., Ravenclaw

...

_Dear Marianne,_

_...Sirius..._

YOU WENT BACK! THAT IS SO WRONG-

_I know, it's like-_

YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME WITH YOU! TAKE ME WITH YOU, I BEG YOU!

_...Never mind..._

**I'm going back tomorrow. I'll inform you. We'll see if Marianne likes stags. You really need one of those baths...oh, the bubbles were HUGE...**

_This is dumb. You are dumb._

Did she use shampoo? My locks need a touch up for my date with Evans-

_**It's not a date!**_

Woah, where did she come from? Evans, wait a minute-

_I never actually underestimated Severus, Marianne. I never knew he was such an expert in revenge, though. I'll watch him._

**You told Lily and Snivellus? Don't do that! They'll put a stop to it! Then there'll be no baths, no bubbles!**

NOOOOO! Please! I need bubbles!

_Love, Marauders_


	53. Little Monkey?

Dear Marauders,

What's the best way to prank a Slytherin? I thought you guys would be the

experts on that subject.

Love, Little Monkey

...

**Dear Little Monkey,**

**The best way to prank a Slytherin is anything that causes them to remain in the Hospital Wing for at least a week. So you don't have to see them in class for a while. I have a box full of tools especially for Slytherin-pranking...**

_You mean that box of muggle corkscrews?_

**No! Those are for the Hufflepuffs. I'm talking about my box of muggle peelers! **

_...Thank Goodness I'm here to plan out all these pranks._

Little Monkey, Slytherins are actually not hard to prank, as long as you don't use an old prank that's been done a gazillion times. Try some simple things first - and then more complicated ones as you get more experience.

Love, Marauders


	54. Rose II

Dear Sirius,

I really enjoyed talking with you at lunch. Considering how many girls talk

about your 'activities' I was pleasantly surprised that you were so

considerate and intelligent: I hope you had as much fun as I did.

I would actually like to continue getting to know you and possibly go with you

to Hogsmeade on the next trip. Also you don't have to worry about me getting

Jealous, because the way I see it, unless you ask me to date you exclusively, you

can basically do whatever you want. I hope to see you again!

Love, Rose

Ps. I found Nevermore. She was down at Hagrid's place playing with another

little kitten.

...

**Dear Rose,**

**Glad you enjoyed yourself. I'd be cool with going to Hogsmeade. Have you ever tried those sugar quills at Honeydukes? Very good...but Remus would only let me buy him chocolate.**

**Love, Sirius**


	55. Lily VI

Dear Marauders,

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had no idea... I didn't mean to pry, now that I

know the truth. Remus, please forgive me for being so insensitive. I can't

imagine how hard that must be. Sirius and Peter, that's really brave and

selfless of you to...you know. And James? That date wasn't half bad. You know,

you guys are a lot more like Gryffindors than I thought. I will do whatever I

can to help. And, uh, mischief managed, I guess? He showed me the map.

Love, Lily

...

_Dear Lily,_

_It's fine. Really._

**Why, I never thought I would see the day Lily Evans paid me a compliment!**

_I wouldn't expect it every day._

**I wasn't expecting it **_**any**_** day.**

She called it a date. PADFOOT! SHE CALLED IT A DATE!

**Ay.**

YEEEEEHAAAAA!

_Thank you for the compliments, Lily. See you at Potions._

_Love, Marauders_


	56. Little Monkey II

Dear Marauders,

Thanks for the lesson! So how about Ravenclaws? They're supposed to be oh so

smart, and they certainly act like it. Any tips on how to teach them their

place?

Love, Little Monkey

...

**Dear Little Monkey,**

**Oh, that's easy! Just do something completely stupid! They won't see a thing coming, because they're always looking for something clever-**

_Um..._

**I suggest you leave a rubber chicken in their beds! That one always gets them...as long as you haven't used it on them before, of course.**

**Love, Marauders**

_(PS: Hey, Padfoot? The rubber chicken one hasn't scared anyone for weeks...)_


	57. Harry and Melody

Hey, Marauders,

What would you do if you were sent to the future and met YOUR CHILDREN!

DUN DUN DUN!

Mel, go away.

Pffttt, whatcha gunna do?

We're better pranksters then you,

Harry and Melody P.

...

**Dear Harry and Melody P.,**

**Uh...How would you know anything about our future children? What are you, time travelers?**

GASP! Take me with you! I honestly hate my life here. The future is probably much more improved.

_Time travel isn't possible. I mean, I heard the Ministry are trying to make some kind of time traveling device, but they haven't got anything so far-_

What were they called...time turners?

**Hey...would you mind telling us about our kids? Do I have any? Does Remus have a little part-**

_Oi! Shut up!_

**Oh, yeah. Sorry. Got a bit carried away.**

We're the best pranksters! We always have been the best pranksters! The _nerve_ of you!

**If**_** I **_**met my future children, I'd probably make sure their behavior was up to scratch. No child of mine should do anything but spend time pranking Slytherins.**

If I met them, I'd scream...like Evans.

**...Ok...**

_I don't expect to have any children. If I found out I did have them...I'd probably-_

**-Be in the hospital wing for a week.**

_Possibly. What would you do, Peter?_

_Scream in delight!_

**Oh yeah, you'd scream like Mary yesterday. EUGGGGGHHHEEEEEEEYAAAAA!**

**Love, Marauders**


	58. Argus

Mr. Sirius Black and James Potter,

I want back the detergent you stole from my broom closet! Don't deny it, Mrs

Norris saw you take it! I'm running short on stock lately, so you'd better

give them back or YOU will have to mop the corridors!

From Argus Filch

...

**Dear Argus,**

**Argy, what the heck would we want with detergent? What is detergent, anyway?**

Soap.

**What's soap?**

Do you _ever_ wash your hands?

**Are you supposed to? I thought it was optional.**

Filch, we don't steal detergent unless we need it for a prank or something. And we don't.

_Hey, what the heck is the deal with the detergent?_

**What?**

_I just found a stash of detergent under James' bed. It's made the entire dormitory smell like green apple._

...No, no. That isn't detergent...it's...uh...perfume! Yeah, perfume!

_You're saying you have a stash of 45 long bottles of green apple perfume under your bed? Somehow I doubt it._

You counted them?

_Nah. That's an estimate._

FILCH! I STOLE NO DETERGENT!

Love, James and Sirius (And Remus)

(PS: You have no proof. MAH HA HA HA!)


	59. Lonely For Love II

Dear Marauders,

It's me again! What are some tips for getting a guy to like you? I figured

since you're guys, you might be able to give me a hint or two. At the moment

he and I are just friends, but I'm growing to fancy him. Any suggestions on

what I can do?

Sincerely, Lonely for Love

...

**Dear Lonely for Love,**

**I wouldn't know much about getting guys to like you, since I myself have only liked girls in my life.**

Hot girls, he means, the ones that have the big chests and never stop wearing lipstick. And the more skin you can see, the better.

**Shut up, James! I'm trying to help a client!**

No need to get mad, they're not just writing to you, you know! Personally I think she should just ask him out and keep it simple. And if he says no, ask so often that he'll get so sick of being asked he'll say yes to shut her up. If he's anything like Evans, it'll be so worth it-

**Great. Now shut your trap.**

**Lonely for Love, I suggest ignoring James Potter and listening to me instead, because we all know he has no chance with Evans, really.**

Then why did she cave in to my demands?

**As I was saying, I've had little experience with other males, although there were a few I liked the look of.**

*CHOKE!*

**Oh, get over it. Anyway, just like girls like gifts, like flowers and chocolate, guys probably like something along the same lines.**

_However if he's anything like James, sucking up to his ego could do wonders._

**I thought you were talking to McGonagal at her office!**

_And then I finished talking to McGonagal._

Maybe you could try appealing to his interests. So if he likes Charms you could suddenly show an overwhelming interest in that subject, and insist you do your homework on it together...

_First intelligent comment I've heard from you in a long time._

Being best friends with a nerd can rub off on you, whether you want it to or not.

Love, Marauders


	60. Kathleen II

Dear Marauders,

I am so sorry Peter. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions (it was actually Parkinson's rat). As for you getting a pet, there's nothing wrong with it. Granted I prefer owls, but if you want a rat it's okay.

Remus, since you are the only sane one, I well send you two pounds of chocolate (I'll double that if you prank Parkinson) if you discipline the two idiots. If you don't, I will take matters into my own hands.

Sincerely (and I mean it Black), Kathleen C., Ravenclaw

PS: And stay away from Marianne!

...

**Dear Kathleen**,

_Thanks, Kathleen! I suppose my Mum would be happier with an owl, and I saw this really nice one last time I went to Diagon Alley..._

**Ha! Well, that explains the look on your face when we passed that shop. You looked as stupid as Remus does when he sets sight on a bar of chocolate!**

_I think I resent that._

**Kathleen, my dear, I'm sure Remus would love to accept two pounds of chocolate goodness in return for our discipline. But I'm afraid I cannot allow it. And if he tried, I would lock him in a closet, tied up, and not let him out for about a week.**

I'd like to see that! I can just picture a full out duel in the hallway, and we all know Remus would win eventually!

**James, I'm going out to the bathroom again tonight. Want to come along?**

Definitely!

_Am I the only one who cares about what might happen to you two if you keep doing this?_

**No, Peter cares too, but lately he's been taking too many trips to the bathroom to support you much. Therefore, we keep going. But if you do decide you want to challenge me, you can always come along tonight so we can wage that duel outside the door.**

**Love, Marauders**

_(PS: I'll try, Kathleen. I promise.)_


	61. Rose III

Dear Marauders,

Hi! First off, I'd like to thank Sirius for the absolutely marvelous time I had at Hogsmeade and thank you so much for buying me sugar quills, you really are sweet (I mean you, not the sugar quills. Haha).

Secondly, I'd like to ask James and Peter not to follow us if Sirius decides to take me out again. Honestly! I kept seeing you two around every bloody corner. I'm not some little first year that can't take care of herself and if you were trying to prank/annoy Sirius it obviously wasn't working.

I'm completely surprised Sirius didn't notice you...wait...Sirius? Were you ignoring them. Ugh why didn't I do that!

Remus, please talk some sense into them...or at least try and teach them some manners, because if I see James or Peter again I might hex them. Actually, I think I'll just toss James into the lake. hehe.

Love, Rose

P.S. Sirius, I got you some treats for your dog while we were at Hogsmeade. I still haven't met him yet and I really want to! Marianne said his name is Snuffles, is that true? You don't seem like the kind of person to name a dog Snuffles.

...

**Dear Rose, **

**You're welcome! I will take the utmost care in ensuring that James and Peter keep their noses out of other people's business. But if I can't keep them away, I look forward to seeing them in that lake.**

Hey, who says we were following you? Maybe it was just a coincidence, and we were going the same way to get to Honeydukes!

**No, I don't think so. If you were going to buy chocolate Remus would have been with you.**

Says you!

**Says everyone who knows Remus.**

_Hey guys? Remus told me to tell you that McGonagal is mad with you again. Something about you trying to turn Parkinson into a rat. He turned up at the hospital wing with a tail._

**What? I didn't do that! Why do I always get blamed for pranks I never pulled?**

Because 90% of the time, you and I actually did pull them.

Love, JAMES! **And Sirius**

**(PS: You haven't seen Snuffles? I guess it is a strange name for a dog, but then I made the mistake of asking Peter for a good dog name. You'll probably see him soon!)**


	62. Emily

Dear Marauders,

I was just curious; how did you all meet? I'd find it really hilarious if it was something crazy like Sirius running James over with his trolley on Platform 9 3/4 or something like that...

Ahem. Just thought I'd ask. You all seem to be a pretty awesome group!

Love, Emily Sparks

...

**Dear Emily,**

**It actually was amusing, wasn't it boys? I remember the day perfectly. The way James slipped on the platform and knocked down a bunch of old ladies there to see off their grandchildren, doing half a somersault, and then landing face first on the ground right at Peter's feet! And then I come along to see what's going on, and there he is, lying there covered in feathers from their owls!**

_With a memory like that, it's amazing you can't remember what we learnt in Charms five minutes ago._

**It took forever to load James onto the train, because he wouldn't walk, and then Peter went to a different compartment. But we met him again at the feast. And as for Remus...**

That was a rather boring meeting. We get to the feast and sit down, and I turn to my left to stare at a very intellectual looking boy with his nose buried in a book.

**You forgot about what happened when we talk to him about how we're excited for Quidditch. He turns around and shoots us a glare, and I peer over the edge of the book and find out he's reading about...chocolate.**

_It was a story about a girl who went to Honeydukes, nothing more!_

**Perhaps so, but right then my first instinct was to grab the book, which I did, and show it to all my new friends, which I also did. They didn't think it was a story either. No, it was how to make muggle chocolate - a complicated process too, poor things, what it must be like without magic...And from that moment on I knew we were dealing with a true chocoholic.**

_It was a story..._

**Love, Marauders**


	63. Chintz

Dear Marauders

Will you tell us another story? Please? How about Potteralla? Of the tales of Wormtail? Or even Siriusunzal? Please!

From your ever fateful following follower, (try saying that fast ten times), Chintz

...

**Dear Chintz,**

**I think Remusunzal would be more exciting than Siriusunzal, simply because I really cannot imagine having such long hair. My dignity would be totally gone. She did have long hair, didn't she, Rapunzel?**

_Yes, Rapunzel had long hair. That was the point of the story._

**Hmm. Funny, these muggle stories. I'll tell the story, and I don't want James interrupting this time.**

**Once upon a time, there was a boy called Remusunzal who dressed like a girl because he wanted to be a princess when he grew up.**

_Holy crap._

**One day a big, but sexy and gorgeous, wizard came to Remusunzal, and he was called Siriusden! Now Siriusden had always wanted to lock someone in a tower for fun, especially someone as boring as Remusunzal. So he took Remusunzal and locked him in a tower, and threw the key to his dog Jamesfer, who ate it up and trotted away to barf it up somewhere in private.**

Why do I have to be a dog?

**One day, an ugly prince called Prince Peter of England, rode up to the tower at the sound of singing, singing that made his ears bleed and made him wonder if the world was ending. He saw Remusunzal, and, mistaking him for a girl, decided he'd do for his wife, if he agreed to take singing lessons.**

**Prince Peter called to Remusunzal with badly written poems of love, and Remusunzal's jaw fell open until it hung over the edge of the balcony. Remusunzal dashed inside the tower and stripped off his dress to change in to something more male, until he realized the sexy wizard had left him no other clothes.**

**Remusunzal ignored the Prince and went to bed with a cup of tea, but his hair, grown so long in his time in the tower that it could have encircled England thirty times, still hung out the window, because he hadn't thought to bring it in. So Prince Peter climbed up it until he reached the top.**

**When Remusunzal woke and saw him standing there, he shrieked in a way worthy of a female and tried to jump out the window. Prince Peter just stood and stared dreamily, envisioning the wedding that would shortly take place.**

**But then there was a whooshing sound as a gorgeous wizard pulled up to the tower and started to climb the hair. Prince Peter tried to hide, but Siriusden was too swift and too sexy to escape. **

**Prince Peter was boiled and fed to Jamesfer, who coughed up the key after much toil in doing so, and happily left the tower with Siriusden.**

**Remusunzal snatched the key and unlocked the door, but then found there was another one behind it. And so Remusunzal remained in the tower, wishing he could change his clothes and escape the tower. Instead he remained until he was eighty years of age, when a young girl climbed the hair and scared him to literal death with her screams when she saw an old man sitting on the bed in a pink dress. THE END!**

That was so beautiful, I started sobbing into the lace on the tablecloth!

_Please._

**Don't tell me you didn't like it!**

**Love, Marauders**


	64. bkaddictjk

Dear Remus,

I want to say that you are my favorite Marauder, and that I was wondering what you thought about people shipping Remus/Sirius.

Love, bkaddictjk

...

**Dear bkaddictjk,**

**Cool name, though I haven't the foggiest what it's supposed to mean. And what do you mean, Remus/Sirius? **

You weren't there when Snape turned up with a whole load of stories depicting you and Remus as a couple, like you and Mary Ann. As in, gay stories.

**...Oh. That makes me feel awkward, even though I've been through stuff like that with the Giant Squid.**

_Thanks for the compliment, bkaddictjk. I don't believe that either of us are particularly fond of that arrangement. I know Sirius isn't because he's sitting here with his mouth open, now unable to write. Perhaps he'll have nightmares about this tonight._

Heh heh, Sirius, nightmares. I'll have to stay up so I can watch! Last time he made all these funny noises like a dog, and starting sucking his thumb!

_I found those stories under my bed last night. I returned them to Snape, but he didn't seem very happy about it._

Hello? I have just the idea on how to pay him back for those stories.

_But..._

Come on, Moony, we all know he deserves it. Even I was disturbed by those stories, and that's a sign that it's a bad situation, because it takes a lot to gross me out!

_The Squid seemed to be doing an excellent job, and if you didn't laugh that off..._

That's different, because it was happening to me, not to other people. Goodbye all, I'm off to see Evans.

Love Remus (Turned out to be all of us)


	65. Little Monkey III

Dear Marauders,

I don't have a rubber chicken, so will a rubber dragon do? It breathes fire and can hover about ten inches in the air (it could've flown higher but one day I was playing with it in the grounds when a black dog jumped up on me and promptly sat on it. It's been a bit crushed since).

Love, Little Monkey

...

**Dear Little Monkey,**

**A dog sat on your rubber dragon? I have no idea how that happened! What a shame.**

_Oh brother._

**A rubber dragon is probably better than a chicken, because all the chicken really does is squawk and run around the room in circles. Plus fire hurts more than squawks.**

_Perhaps the chicken would be a better choice for that very reason._

No way, dragons are so much cooler than chickens! 

**Well said, Prongs. Well said.**

_Burning someone up will definitely get you expelled._

**Who said anything about burning them? The best way is to singe off their hair, and the most you'll get for that is a couple of detentions.**

Yeah, what he said.

_And suppose you burn more than their hair by mistake?_

**Their loss, not yours.**

**Love, Marauders**


	66. Anonymous

Dear Marauders,

I have a small... Alright, big... ALRIGHT, huge crush on this guy in my potions class. But I've noticed something off about him lately... like once a month he's sick, or out of class, or just not around... then when he comes back, he seems really sick. How do I approach him about this without scaring him off?

...

**Dear ,**

**Would it kill you to add a signature? I mean, you could be a homicidal maniac for all we know, and this letter could be a part of your fiendish plan to -**

_What Sirius meant to say -_

As in what Sirius meant NOT to say...

_Is that we prefer signatures on letters. If you wish to remain anonymous, though, that is fine. But to humour Padfoot perhaps you could sign the letter anonymous._

**Hmph.**

_Sirius?_

**...Yes?**

_Do you have any opinion for the writer of this letter here?_

**First tell me I'm beautiful.**

_What?_

**When people hurt my feelings, I demand recompense. Tell me I'm beautiful.**

I think that this person should just corner this guy in the hallway and give him a good snog. That'll solve the problem in no time!

_Oh, sure. He'll be so dazed that he'll tell her anything she wants to know without thought._

Considering what I know about you, yes.

_Me?_

Yeah, I mean, come on Moony! This guy's missing once a month, every month, and when he turns up again he's sick...Sound like anyone we know? Make sure to tell us who snogs you today.

**...Is anyone going to tell me I'm beautiful or not?!**

Not.

**Anonymous, I think you should corner the boy and offer him two choices - to spend the next week in the hospital wing or spill his dirtiest secrets. There. Now all of you leave me alone so I can sulk in peace.**

**Love, Marauders**


	67. Carrie

Dear Marauders,

Do you know anyone who might have stolen my chocolate dessert cookbook? You must be wondering why I'd even have that book, I know, so please don't laugh when I tell you why. I'm a horrible cook myself; I only took the book from my mum's bookshelf because I loved to look at the pictures that go with the recipes. I know it's weird, but it's one of the things I've done since childhood. Sentimental value aside though, the only reason why my mum hasn't discovered the book's disappearance is because she only uses it during Christmas. If she finds it missing, I'm stuffed turkey! Literally!

Love, Carrie

...

**Dear Carrie,**

**Look in Remus' trunk, and I guarantee you will find what you are looking for.**

_Sirius, why would I take a chocolate dessert recipe book?_

**Because you realized it had "chocolate" in the title, that's why! Remember when I found that stack of books in your trunk that were -**

_Let's NOT talk about that._

Hee hee, you're blushing.

_I don't have your book, Carrie, and I don't know who does. But if I hear anything I'll let you know. It sounds like that book is special to you._

**You know what's special to me?**

Your hair mousse.

**How did you find out about that? No, I'm talking about my rubber trout. That thing's wicked, and SOMEONE stole it out of my trunk last night.**

That was me, sorry, Padfoot. I used it on Snape the other day. Here it is.

**...It's head is missing.**

Yeah, sorry about that. It was a pretty intense fight.

**YOU RUINED MY TROUT!**

_Like I said, Carrie. I'll let you know if I hear anything about your book._

_Love, Marauders_


	68. Izz Moore

Dear Marauders,

I have a HUGE crush on this guy... But he's different. Like REALLY different. He's always sick, at least once a month. I don't have the guts to ask him about it... What should I do?

Love, Izz Moore

...

**Dear Izz,**

**Hey, didn't we discuss this one already?**

_No, this is different._

**Is it the same guy as in the other letter? Because if it is I'm going to need to have a talk with him. I'd hate for him to get more popular than me! Plus, I haven't fought with anyone for weeks. I'm suffering from withdrawal.**

_Izz, if you could ask him in a friendly way I'm sure he wouldn't mind. He might not want to tell you, but at least you asked him nicely._

**I get so tired of nice! Nice is everywhere - in the halls, the classrooms, the grounds...nice is a disease! Nice is contagious!**

_You, Sirius, seem to have an excellent immune system to it then._

**One of my many achievements.**

**Izz, listen to Remus, as I am tired and if I keep writing any more my pen will form vulgar language to express overuse.**

..What the -

**Just go with it.**

**So, yeah. Bye.**

**Love, the Marauders**

**(PS: If you can get me the name of this guy I'll be grateful. Just in case I really do have to beat him up. Thanks.)**


	69. Lord Lunar

Dear Remus,

I am SO sorry. I know what it's like to be stuck with children too. But they've never gone as far as to put me in Rapunzel. (They only got to Snow White) Have you got any good ways to HIDE from pranksters? Because, as much as they'd resent this. My friends are very like the Marauders. If I hex them, they laugh and pat me on the back.

Chaos Complete, Lord Lunar.

(PS: Lady Redmane & Lord Stripefur, you know who you are. Lord Bushtail wants me to tell you we're here too. Please take him. He will either get my secret told, or prank me to death as Redmane isn't here.

I'll meet you in three days at the you know where.)

...

_Dear Lord Lunar,_

_I appreciate your sympathy. You're the first to offer it._

**And the last, unless someone wants to deal with me. That story was genius. Even James admitted it!**

But it's not genius, Sirius! That's what Lily said.

**You'd believe you were a girl if Lily said so, so shut up.**

_By the way you two, this letter is in fact addressed to me, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop writing on it._

**...Okay, you and I both know that is not going to happen.**

_Lord Lunar, I have often had to hide from pranksters. Often those pranksters were the very people who are currently writing on MY letter._

_I wasn't!_

_There are a good many spots around the castle to hide. If you go to the less used levels you'll be less likely to be found. That's the most advice I can give, I'm afraid. Other than that, there aren't many good places to hide from pranksters, if they're anything like the Marauders, like you say._

**Competition. We've got competition. I like a challenge, but really. Things are so much easier without competition.**

_Padfoot, go away!_

_I hope you have luck._

_Love, Remus _**and the Amazing, Wonderful Siri- Remus, stop moving my pen!**


	70. Nikita

Hey Marauders!

It's Nikita Hollinger here, you know, Lonely for Love? Yeah, the thing with that guy kinda fell through... Turns out he likes my best friend! Ah well, you can't have 'em all :3 I'm happy for them, and am just gonna keep looking. My question today is asking this: if you could have one day where all your wildest dreams came true, what would you have happen? I know for me personally, I would want someone to find a cure for Lycanthropy, since I have an older cousin with it.

...

**Dear Nikita,**

**No signature again...**

Don't tell me you're still sulking from yesterday! I was pretty disappointed myself because nobody snogged Moony, but...

**Nobody's telling me I'm beautiful! **

If we did, Padfoot, we would be lying, so shut up.

**Remus? Are you crying?**

Probably some bad memory setting him off. All that about the Giant Squid STILL brings tears to my eyes...

**Come on, we all know you loved it.**

**Nikita, if that dope passed you over for some blonde, he's no loss. If she's a brunette or a read-head, you should probably get even. I know some wonderful tricks that would keep her in the hospital for the the next month at LEAST.**

**And your question? I never read that. One moment.**

**What would I do? Oh, that's easy! First I would expel all the Slytherins from Hogwarts, then I'd climb up the roof and spend the morning writing dirty words in the sky, then I'd got to Hogsmeade, swipe some chocolate, and lure Remus in to the lake with it -**

I'd go and marry Lily. Then when she woke up the next morning, it would be too late to stop it! HA!

_I'd buy a cat._

**...Is that it? I don't know why you were worrying about being put in Slytherin first year, Peter! You've got absolutely no ambition.**

**Remus, I wish you'd stop moping. You're getting water on my sheets.**

Poor guy. Must be some memory.

_Maybe it's what Nikita said about Lycanthropy._

**Eh? Oh. Could be. Quite a disease, isn't it boys? Not that we know anyone who has it, of course...**

_I like your wish, Nikita. It's compassionate. Unlike some people I know..._

**Sorry. Sympathy never was one of my strong points.**

**Love, Marauders**


	71. A Really Disturbed Slytherin

Dear Marauders,

Yes, I'm a Slytherin, but don't toss out my letter yet! I just want to talk to you about the disturbing stories I found in the Slytherin common room last night, the ones that involved you, Sirius Black, paired with you, Remus Lupin. Now, I don't know if it was your idea of a good prank, leaving stories about gay smut scenes like that lying around our common room, but no matter what, I kindly ask you to stop it. A few first-years found it and when I came to the common room they were huddled in a group poring over the stories and looking quite traumatized. If you've got a problem with our house tell it to our faces, but leave the young ones out of this, okay?

Love, A Really Disturbed Slytherin

...

**Dear A Really Disturbed Slytherin,**

**Please forget you saw anything. This was all a bad dream, okay? In fact, if you have problems forgetting it, drop by and I'll give you amnesia. No charge!**

_Don't make trouble. Just say you didn't do it and leave it at that. This is simply a concerned student, not an enemy._

**Obviously you missed all the phrases with "Slytherin" in them.**

_We aren't responsible for those stories. If you want to point a finger point it at Snape. If you talk to him you should be able to stop the story problem._

**Oh please.**

If the first years were poring over the stories they can't have been that disturbed. They would have stopped reading, right?

**I dunno, Prongs. When Snape planted them on us, you were disturbed too. But there you sat anyway, eyes glued to the page...**

**And speaking of books, is it just me, or did that first year just drop a stack on my bed?**

From here, the first one looks like it says..."Why Sirius liked Remus."

**Hell.**

_Quite the author, isn't he? I'll talk to Severus and stop him._

**Why traumatize yourself when simply locking him in a closet will do? **

_Because then McGonagal would traumatize us, so either way, Sirius, you're stuffed._

**Where are those books? I'll burn them nice and quickly...**

_Really Disturbed Slytherin, we'll try and sort this out. _

_Love, Marauders_


	72. Queen Lyra

Dear Marauders, or whoever you are

I was wondering, do you know how to get people to ignore you? Do you have rat that plays the flute? What is a rat, anyways? Why do you earthlings draw us aliens as little green people with antennae? It's so prejudiced.

Most Sincerely, Queen Lyra of Pluto

**...**

**Dear Queen Lyra,**

**How the heck did you get a message down here on Earth? Do you have agents in Slytherin? Do I have to fear abduction? I hope you can read English...but you did write in it, so you probably can -**

No, we have no rat that plays a flute. We do have a rat, though. His name is Peter Pettigrew. Drop by and pick him up sometime soon, and he'll show you what a rat is.

**The only real way to get people to ignore you is be boring. To be boring you must be a bookworm, love chocolate, and center your life around Arithmancy and Charms.**

Basically, be like Remus Lupin. He's not here right now so he can't write, but come down and pick him up with Peter and you can emulate him!

And earthlings draw you as little green people because we have no idea what you really look like. Care to send us a picture?

Love, Marauders

**(PS: Hey, Prongs. Think of the pranks we could pull while those two were gone!)**


	73. Audrey

Dear Marauders,

Are your lives so miserable that you have to make sure Severus is miserable?! I really don't like you people! Why are you so cruel to him?! I'll have you know he's my godfather.

Most Angrily, Audrey Figg

(PS: I really hate your hair today, Potter.)

...

Dear Audrey,

How would you know what my hair looks like? For one it always looks the same, so if you hated it you'd have to have hated it EVERY day not just TOday...second, I've never met you before, so...

**Stop tearing holes in the parchment. It gives me less space to rant.**

_You know -_

**Don't tell us the girl's right! She's a Slytherin, if you remember: S-L-Y-T-H-E-R-I-N, not to mention she's related to Snivellus.**

_That's why she's writing. So you tell her you'll leave him alone._

**Okay.**

**Wait. Do I actually have to keep that promise?**

_Of course you do!_

**Then forget it.**

_I'll leave him alone, Audrey, and I'll make sure the other three do the same._

I promise I'll leave him alone!

**...WHAT?**

Sorry. I promised Lily I'd give him a break.

**Tell me I'm beautiful. I've taken offense again! You're a traitor, James! And to think of that gorgeous file I had of plans to prank Snape!**

File?

**Yeah, that red file in my trunk.**

...Uh, it may not be there anymore. I've - I've got a, um, date with Evans, so I'm jus going to go now...

**Sometimes, Remus, I think you're my only - Remus?**

**Really? You both consider girls more interesting than me? What losers.**

**Love, Marauders**


	74. Awesome Second Year

Dear Marauders,

If any of you were hanging off a cliff, who would you save?

Love, an Awesome Second Year

...

**Dear Awesome Second Year,**

**I would save myself, because I am the only one in this group possessing good looks and fashion sense.**

Really? You call those polka dot dress robes you bought last week the result of a good fashion sense?

**Girls love polka dots.**

_I'd save Peter, as he is the one in this group with the least sarcasm and taste for mischief, and would therefore be a stalwart friend._

_I'd save Remus because he's nice._

**And James? What about you?**

I'd save Evans!

**Oh, how you love to torture me. You'd put a woman above your best friends, oh! I am so very, very, hurt.**

_The question was who would you save among the Marauders. Evans is not a Marauder._

Says who?

**Us, because she'd need to repeat the code and all that.**

Who says she didn't?

**If you swore her into the Marauders without my consent, I actually will murder you, Prongs.**

Now I'M hurt. If you were hanging off a cliff by yourself, I wouldn't save you.

**Even if I bribed you?**

Well...

**Love, Marauders**


	75. Marianne III

Dear Marauders,

I apologize for my sister being really angry with you. You see, you probably know I'm a pure blood and am engaged to this son of one of my parent's friends in America. Not that I really dislike him, but I don't really know him that well. In other words, Kathleen is pretty overprotective of me.

That's actually why I'm writing in. Do you have any advice on how I should go ahead with this?

Thanks again,

Marianne C.

...

**Dear Marianne,**

**I feel so very sorry for you.**

_Do you actually like this boy? If you don't then you might have a problem._

**Typical Remus, getting straight to the point. Can't we ever have time to actually chat a little?**

_You get plenty of that anyway, don't you worry. Besides, we're here to help a client, Padfoot, not chat, so help me out here._

**Marianne, if you like the boy enough to marry him, so be it, unless he's a prat like Snivellus. If you don't, or he is in fact like Snivellus, I'd suggest homicide, but if you think that can be tracked back to you maybe you could run away to China, or...**

_You're truly terrible at this Sirius. _

**You're one to talk.**

_If you don't want the boy you could talk to your parents about the situation and see if they'll call it off, but if you think they won't, I'm not sure how to help you without taking Sirius' viewpoint. But I'll think about it and get back to you._

_Love, Marauders_


	76. Izz Moore II

Sirius (MEANING SIRIUS ONLY),

I suppose I was not clear. Allow me to word it this way: You don't want to beat up Remus do you? I need to quit being so subtle.

Love, Izz Moore

...

**Dear Izz,**

**REMUS? Oh, well. I guess I don't want to beat REMUS up, but most other people I could probably live with sending down to the hospital wing for a bit. What about that other letter, then? That anonymous one? Sounded to me like they were talking about Remus too. Or did you write it?**

**Love, Sirius**


	77. Kathleen III

Dear Marauders(mainly Remus),

Enclosed is your four pounds of Belgium milk chocolate. I did so enjoy seeing James and Sirius hung by the Quidditch pitch in their underwear and Parkinson's screams at finding out what you did to his hair was music to my ears. I can't believe my parents once considered him as a possible fiancé for me.

Sincerely,

Kathleen C.

...

**Dear Kathleen,**

**DID YOU HAVE TO PIN THIS ON THE BOARD?**

_I appreciate the chocolate, Kathleen, thank you. And yes, Parkinson really got what he deserved, didn't he?_

**I SPENT AN HOUR HUNG ON THAT PITCH, WHILE SLYTHERINS TRIED TO MAKE ME FALL, **_**WITHOUT MY UNDERWEAR!**_**WITH JAMES THEY MANAGED! I WENT TO MCGONAGAL TO REPORT REMUS IN, AND GUESS WHAT? SHE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME! OH MY GOSH, YOU BRIBED HIM?!**

You're yelling at her? WHAT ABOUT REMUS?!

_I guess that's my cue to get out of here. Night, all._

**I SWEAR I WILL GET YOU ALL! ONE DAY, **_**YOU'LL**_** BE THE ONES HANGING! AND I WON'T GRACE YOU BY ALLOWING YOU TO KEEP YOUR UNDERWEAR IN THE FIRST PLACE! I SHALL BRING CAMERAS FOR EVERY SOUL WHO ENTERS THE PREMISES! OH, YOU ARE SO LUCKY NOBODY HAD ONE TODAY!**

_Remus did. I think he used it._

**I think I shall go and die in silence. James, close the letter, and make sure you include the statement we prepared.**

Love, Remus (The little...)

_The Marauders regret to inform you that you have been shortlisted for an official pranking tomorrow afternoon. Expect pink hair._

_- SB, JP, RL, PP._


	78. Muggleborn

Dear Marauders,

Have any of you ever had trouble explaining to your Muggle parent(s) what you

learn at Hogwarts? My father doesn't understand why we don't have Chemistry

class, and my mother keeps telling me to sign up for Spanish. Help!

Yours, A Regular Ol' Muggleborn

...

**Dear Muggleborn,**

**Nah, not really. None of us have muggle parents.**

_I suppose it would be hard for muggles to understand about magic. If explaining that magic schools wouldn't teach non-magic subjects doesn't help, I'm not sure what would. you can't show them anything, so..._

**What the heck is **_**Chemistry?**_

_That, Padfoot, is science. The study of chemicals and how they relate and such._

**I'm going to stop pretending to understand anything you say to me.**

_Muggleborn, if you've explained to the best of your ability why you can't take those classes, and they still don't get it, they'll have to keep going without understanding. Perhaps you could talk to a witch or wizard you know and see if they can explain better than you can. Let me know how that turns out if you do it. I'll try and come up with more ideas in the meantime._

_Love, Marauders_


	79. Nikita II

Dear Marauders,

I'm not going to get revenge on my best friend for liking the same guy as me! That's stupid.

I'm just curious why you always target the Slytherins. I mean, I've heard you guys say that they're the evil house, but I believe that evil isn't born, it's made. Just because people in Slytherin might be cunning and ambitious, doesn't make them evil. There's nothing to stop bravery turning to egotism, or loyalty and hard work to be for the wrong reasons, or intelligence to be used for bad. Ever heard of the term 'evil genius'? Just saying, it seems silly to label kids as killers.

Sincerely, Nikita Hollinger

PS. Sirius, I think you're cute :3 just don't go looking for a relationship with me. You lack the commitment I'm looking for, is all :3

PPS I think the rest of you are cute too :3 especially Remus. You look so badass with those scars :D

...

**Dear Nikita,**

**Your loss. And I am cute, right? I first became aware of that on my day of birth...I also knew I'd been born into a family of losers. As for the relationship, I'm taken anyway. I can't remember by who, though, there were about three that were looking into me...**

_Slytherins probably aren't evil, but they certainly have the potential. I suppose it's up to the individual what route they take in life. I'm sure there have been perfectly respectable Slytherins._

You know, I believe that. If Evans was a Slytherin, it wouldn't make any difference at all!

**What's that supposed to mean, you git?**

What's the name call for?! I didn't do anything!

**Yes you did. You opened your fat mouth.**

_Nikita, I hope we didn't come across as prejudiced. Sirius may be, and James may be, but they'll probably grow out of that point of view._

**That's what you said first year. So far, I've only gotten even more prejudiced.**

_And whose fault is that, I wonder? Thank you for the compliment, by the way, Nikita. It's not everyday someone talks about my scars..._

**I dunno, mate, old Snape was getting pretty shirty about them back in Potions the other day...**

_Love, Marauders_


	80. Unhappy Slytherin

Dear stupid Marauders,

WHY IS THERE A TROUT HEAD IN OUR COMMON ROOM?! AND WHY IS IT SIGNED BY SIRIUS BLACK?! I WANT ANSWERS! NOW!

Hate, an unhappy Slytherin

...

Dear Unhappy Slytherin,

Heh heh heh...

**I'VE BEEN FRAMED! SOME MISERABLE BEING HAS FRAMED ME!**

_Oh, really? I could have sworn I saw you cradling said trout head earlier today, twirling your quill in your hand, mind deep in thought on what to write on it._

**I can't have done this! I was going to write "STUFF SLYTHERIN" on it, not my name, and I never got round to it because -**

I think "STUFF MALFOY" would be better.

**What would be the point in throwing a signed rubber trout head into the Slytherin common room? That's completely uncreative -**

I dunno, I think you could creep a good deal of first years!

**Good point.**

And this Slytherin isn't that happy either.

**On second thought, yes, I did this. I am completely at fault. No, I was lying earlier. Really.**

**James, where's the rest of the trout, we could throw it in covered in curses and I'll bet we'd creep out even more people -**

_Get rid of the trout head, and I'll make sure nobody throws in any more rubber trouts._

_Love, Marauders_


	81. XD

Dear Padfoot,

You're beautiful. Now shut up and let the other Marauders answer mail for a change.

Love, XD

...

**Dear XD,**

**Siriusly? I'm the only one who says things worth hearing!**

**Love, Sirius**

**(PS: I know, right? I'm gorgeous.)**


	82. Xyra

Dear Marauders

Hello! If you were all girls what do you want to look like? What if Voldemort suddenly professed his love for you? What if Snape professed undying love for you?

Anyway I'm just teasing but Siriusly answer those questions please

and also try not to bully people. I hate bullies since I've been bullied before.

Oh and my friend says she loves you Sirius.

Tell your brother Regulus I love him from me.

Love, SXAS/Xyra

...

_Dear Xyra,_

_If we were girls what would we want to look like? Goodness, I don't know._

**I'd want to look like those supermodels you see on magazines. Big chests, flowing hair, oh yeah...**

I wouldn't want to be a girl at all -

**Unless Evans would be a boy?**

Well, yes. And I had a smoking figure.

_I don't know what I'd want to look like. Not ugly, I hope._

**If Voldemort or Snape professed undying love for me, I'd chop off their heads and stick them on stakes over signs reading "Perverts".**

I'd probably stick the heads down the toilet and flush them. If they didn't go down, no problem. I'd just leave them there for the next student to find.

_I would pretend neither existed for the rest of the week, or until they lost interest._

I'm not sure I can answer this question either...

**You're teasing? Good. As for the bullying, I'll promise to stay off it for the next hour, but any promise longer than that is just not going to happen without a bribe. But if you do want to bribe me, I'm sure we can arrange something...**

**And yes. I really am so very lovable, eh? Tell your friend she is one smart chick.**

**I'll tell Regulus, but don't expect me to be enthusiastic. Right goodbye.**

**Love, Marauders**


	83. The Ouran High School Host Club

Dear Marauders,

We are currently planning on expanding our club to an international status with branches in different schools across the globe. From our sources, we gather that your group might be suitable candidates for partnership with us. We commit ourselves to entertaining rich bored girls with our rich bored handsomeness, and we think that you might be just the people we would like to work with. Kindly reply soon if your answer is favorable.

Yours sincerely, The Ouran High School Host Club

PS: Hunny-sempai wants to know whether you like cake. Replies to this question are optional

...

**Dear The Ouran High School Host Club,**

**Rich bored handsomeness, eh? Sounds like something I'd be good at!**

_I'm not sure being bored all day would be a suitable route in life._

**Shh, shh. Just go into a nice, quiet corner somewhere and study for whatever. Let me handle this.**

**I'm sure we would all like the idea, except for maybe Peter. I think you'll find he won't be that good for the job.**

**So yes, the three of us are interested.**

**And we all like cake. Remus, you might find, will be very interested in chocolate cake.**

**Love, Marauders**


	84. Marianne IV

Dear Marauders,

His name is Alexander Winters and I don't like or dislike him. I just don't really know him at all. I only ever met him once when I was two at a garden party my parents were throwing. And I don't really remember anything before six very well.

It's not like I have anyone else I'm interested in, but it kind of bothers me I know next to nothing about him personally. I know well enough about his family, the New York Winters (Sirius have you heard of them? I heard the Blacks did business with them once). I mean what if he turns out to be like Malfoy or Parkinson? On the other hand, I could be worrying for nothing.

Maybe I should ask my parents if I could see him over the holidays and get to know him better. Is that a good idea or do you have any other suggestions?

Please respond, Marianne C.

...

**Dear Marianne,**

**Let me think for a moment. Winters...Winters...yes, I think that rings a bell. I met them, and not that long ago. I think the guy you're talking about was the quiet one. He actually didn't seem all that bad, but, honestly, I hardly talked to him. **

_What Sirius means to say is, you might be able to do a lot worse. I think you should see him over the Holidays. Who knows, he might be really nice._

**Or he could be a jerk.**

_Always so optimistic..._

_Never mind Sirius, Marianne. Your idea is a good one. I don't see why your parents would say no. If they did you could always see if you could write to him or something. Better than nothing._

_Love, Marauders_


	85. Anonymous II

Dear Marauders,

What do you usually do on the weekends?

...

Dear ,

Well, honestly, our most common activities on the weekends include nothing, pranks, and did I mention nothing?

_I study. Like YOU should, Prongs._

**Please ignore the bookworm. I, when I get sick of doing nothing or (god forbid) pranks, tend to spend my weekends with groups of girls. Mostly Gryffindors. An occasional Ravenclaw.**

_I like to draw._

_What do you draw, Peter?_

_Smiley faces._

**Please excuse that snort I made just now.**

_When I'm done studying I normally just read. I take walks, as well. Otherwise I'm being dragged into some stupid plan by Sirius Black and James Potter._

Our plans are genius, Moony. Do not insult us so.

I spend a lot of time watching Evans during weekends...

**Stalking, more like. I swear one day she's going to have you arrested on charge of sexual assault.**

I've always known either you or me would end up in Azkaban one day, Padfoot.

_And what a day of joy that will be. Now shut up both of you. Is that all you have to say about weekends?_

_I like sleeping too._

**Yeah. Right.**

**Love, Marauders**


	86. Xyra II

So I was thinking about the bribe thing and I found an even better way to make you do it. I'LL FORCE YOU USING THE IMPERIUS. This is not the kind of request that has a good payoff when you do it. It's the kind of request that has a painful payoff when it is not done. (LOL got the quote from Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code) Anyway sorry for going all crazy like that but just stop okay. What you're doing now will lead to some very painful consequences later on. Oh and once upon a time I did like you Sirius but that was before I knew of your womanizing and your bullying and stuff as well as the fact that my friend likes you.

PS: I will give a price to whoever manages to makes you stop bullying Slytherins for a week. Just tell me what you want!

PPS: Sorry if it's really long and weird (the letter)

PPPS: I'm only top 4 all because of my laziness (you know like not doing projects and not reviewing) so can you give me tips on how to not be lazy?

PPPPS : Suggestion on what book I can read?

...

**Dear ,**

**Who wrote this?**

_If you refer to previous letters, you can work it out, Padfoot._

**Yeah, right. So who is it?**

_Xyra. _

**Xyra doesn't like me. That hurts. That really, really hurts...**

_Oh, stop fake crying! Xyra, the imperius is illegal and I'm sure you don't want to end up in Azkaban. _

**By the way, Xyra, you'll find the imperius curse has no effect on me. Period.**

**HA HA HA HA!**

Are you okay, Padfoot?

**NEVER FELT BETTER!**

You know what? I think I will stop the bullying for a week if you can hook me up with Evans. Tell her I'm a hot Irish muggleborn.

_I'll do it for nothing, as what you did to Severus yesterday was inhumane._

**IT WAS HILARIOUSLY INHUMANE, SO I DON'T CARE!**

Have you been drinking?

**UH...Why on earth would you think that?**

Insane people are often insane because of too much consumption of drink, and not because they've actually gone round the bend. Right now, you're acting insane.

**Remus, I'm tired.**

_...Go to bed then._

**Will you take me?**

_...No..._

_Love, Marauders_

**(PS: Laziness will continue to be laziness unless you start CARING not to be lazy. If you want my advice, stay lazy. You're so much less boring that way.**

_Sirius!_

**Whatever.**

_Try reading Hogwarts: A History, Xyra, if you haven't already. It's very interesting.)_


End file.

Harry Potter, Friendship, Humor