Invader Zim 1. Prologue

The Thirteenth Human

Prologue: Judgment Day

There were no innocents. Not one person was spared. The religious ones had the same chance of survival as the Atheists, the money in a woman's pocket did nothing to save her, and the color of a man's skin was the last thing anyone cared about. The end of the world bared no prejudice. That is, unless a man's skin was green.

Then it was all that anyone cared about.

He had tried to warn them, for years, he had. Yelling at his father, teachers, FBI agents, _everyone_. They just called him crazy, tried to lock him up.

Zim had taken the opportunity to unleash a plague upon mankind. Viruses in the air, rabid animals, and deadly plant spores assaulted the immune systems of all organic life on Earth.

Of course, anything equipped with a PAK was protected, since it was part machine.

The only other option was to get off the planet with a ship. Specifically, and Irken ship. They were the only things that the Massive and its armada didn't target. Everything else was burned.

After years of sitting in his garage, Tak's ship was still fully functioning. It took him a matter of hours to escape to the stars after Zim's voice was heard over the skool's speakers.

_Greetings, filthy sacks of flesh! I want to be the first to tell you, the hooman race is doomed! You all have a few days to live before you're all infected with my INGENIOUS illnesses. That means you, Dib! You couldn't stop ME, ZIM!_

No, no he couldn't stop Zim. Not then. The only choice was to run so that he could live to avenge his race another day.

Now he had a chance. As it turned out, Dib and Mr. Dwicky weren't the only humans in the universe after all.

A limber girl approached him, putting a slim hand on top of his stronger one. A powerful smirk fell across her lips. "We can take the Empire now. We're ready."


	2. Chapter 1: Counseling Doesn't Help

The Thirteenth Human

Chapter One: Counseling Doesn't Help

Any silence with a counselor was not comfortable, especially one that involved Mr. Dwicky. The thin man sat across from Dib, his back curved into his fluffy chair and his hands knotted tightly over his lap. A solemn look had replaced his normally chipper countenance, and he reached up to nervously twist his diamond earring before making eye contact with the boy.

"Well?" Dib growled, still not happy to be in the same room as his elementary skool guidance counselor. "Are you going to say anything?"

Dwicky blinked quickly and pursed his lips. "You fly into my ship from nowhere, tell me my race is dead and you needs my help, and try to beat up my commanding officer because your head got called big," the taller man sat up a bit straighter, going into 'fix the crazy kid' mode. "Well, if the human race is gone, I don't see what we can do to help," Mr. Dwicky said in a near-spiteful tone, "Why don't you just find a nice alien race to chill with and silently take over the empire, eh?"

"You don't believe me!" Dib yelled in a rage, standing up from his poufy grey chair, "I come to the only other human in the universe, and _you don't believe me! _Again!" He threw his hands up in the air dramatically, his battered trench coat whipping about his calves at the sudden movement. "The Irken Empire wiped out our race!" He grabbed Dwicky's collar, shoving the man deeper into his chair. "Zim _killed_ them all!" Dib masked his shattered sobs with a raise in his voice, causing a Plookesian guard by the door to become edgy. The humans' noses were nearly touching, with Dib's flushed face clashing violently with Mr. Dwicky's pallor. "You don't even _care, _do you? Huh? Huh?"

The brown eyed man was dumbstruck. Dib didn't seem any more... stable... then the last time they met, that was for sure. "I-" he stuttered like a nervous child, "I'll hear you out."

With that sentence, the pressure vanished entirely from the man's chest, and Dib was magically back in his space-chair, adjusting his glasses as if he had never almost attacked the ex-counselor. "Well, it all started in third period-"

Oh god, he was going to go on a monologue...

"-Zim stole some chemicals from the lab, and then he-"

Dwicky was about to interrupt and tell the black haired boy to get to the point, he really didn't care about _how_ Zim did what he did. He wanted to know the _why_ and with _what_. The boy seemed to sense this though, and his honey eyes narrowed like a cat's.

"He created a virus, like AIDS on crack. It moved through the air, water supply, bugs, everything." Dib crossed his arms over his chest. "Only one in every million had a resistance or something like that."

Jaw slipping open, the pale man leaned forward, focusing all his attention on Dib. The boy's story was like a horrible accident, he almost didn't want to stop looking. A shaft of light from above illuminated the attentive man's hands, highlighting the tensed muscles.

"The armada came two days after he released his virus. I messed up my one chance to stop him, because he beat me in a fight. He told me that they weren't going to come and take over before, but then he found out how good Earth _soda_ was or something..." he paused, a dry chuckle coming out of his throat. "It was something stupid like that; I wasn't paying full attention, 'cus concussions suck." Dib nodded, more to himself than the raven haired man across from him. He pushed some of his pitch black hair away from his eyes and looked up at Dwicky. "I may not have been able to stop him on Earth, but I have another chance.

"I got away in an Irken ship I rebuilt years ago, and now, I can stop him from doing that ever again! _We _can stop the empire! We can do this, Mr. Dwicky. I can't take them alone!" His posture had changed drastically throughout his speech, and his quiet resentment had been replaced with a passionate fire. He made a fist in the air in front of him, pulling the arm down in a gesture of victory. "Zim may have won the battle, but as soon as he did, he started a _war_."

Dwicky wasn't so enthusiastic. He let out a sigh and leaned back once more. It made sense for the Irkens to destroy a planet for something trivial like soda or good snacks. What didn't make sense was how Zim had pulled off a plan that was... clever. Over the ten or so minutes that Mr. Dwicky had met the petite Irk, he could tell Zim was much less smart than the rest of his race. (He had accidently misjudged the second Irken he met to be like Zim, and she wasn't too happy about it. Dwicky had the scars to prove it.)

A few minutes past, Dib slowly wilting back into his upset mood the longer the awkward silence dragged on.

"The Empire is huge. It dominates most of the galaxies in this region of space, and it has about 90% of the sentient, intelligent life under its control. If you want to fight that, go ahead. I'm staying here with the Plookesians."

Standing up sharply and pivoting on the heel of his long boots, Dib turned to leave the room. His strides were long as he walked away, but what he really wanted to do was go and beat the crap out of Dwicky. "I always knew you were a coward," Dib hissed as the automatic door swung open to let him leave the older man's living quarters, "and it's all your fault too, for taking that camera." With that, Dib walked out, leaving Dwicky with his jaw down and eyes wide. He never did manage to be a very helpful counselor, much to his dismay.

* * *

Dib had never been a very colorful speaker, but at that moment, he found himself making up swear words. He had already used all the existing ones on Dwicky, but the young boy still felt kind of like a homicidal maniac. Dib had spent weeks -no, _months_- searching for any Plookesian ships. He had been flying through Irken Empire, getting shot at by the occasional PMSing alien, and nearly suffocating on foreign atmosphere twice. Not that he expected Dwicky to press a button and solve all of his problems, but he was a _counselor_! It was his _job_ to help people!

Or, _was_ his job.

Letting out another frustrated cry, Dib punched the side of his cockpit, bruising his knuckles and leaving a small dent in the metal. Temper tantrums were childish, he knew, but frankly, the honey eyed teen had a lot of anger to vent.

It was better to use his ship than Dwicky's face.

* * *

"Sir, the Resisty ship has been destroyed." The moderately tall Irken said past his high collar, addressing his superior.

"'kay," his commanding officer responded, dropping his head angled back against his high-backed pink chair. "what can we do now?"

"Only patrol this region of space, Sir."

"Ugh..." The commander thudded his head against the back of the chair like a small child would smack his forehead into a wall. No one told him that being a fleet commander would be so... _boring._ He missed being an Invader, but after he had brought humanity to its knees and taken the secret of their soda, the Tallest wouldn't let him do anything as _low_ as invading ever again. He had his own fleet now, and was in charge of a rather large sector of the Empire. "You!" Zim yelled out, pointing to the only female Irken on the bridge. Her curled antennae perked towards the sound of the commander's voice, indicating that he had her full attention. "blow something up!"

Upon hearing his command, the female Irk lowered her antennae again and began to type something on the glowing purple monitor in front of her. "Fleet Commander Zim, I have been given strict orders from the Almighty Tallest not to take orders from you unless the situation commands it."

Zim squinted one eye half shut and left the other one open, taking a deep breath. Stupid orders, he was her commander, she should only listen to him!

Then again, the Tallest had probably put the limits on his command to prevent a repeat of Operation Impending Doom I.

Not that Zim knew why, he blew up more than everyone else, even Skooge!

Eh, whatever. Zim sighed as he stood up, the long mauve robe he wore pooling regally around his ankles. It was made for an Irken taller than he. "I am going to check the ship's hallways for big-headed alien creatures bent on destroying us, but worry not, the amazing ZIM shall return!" He bellowed, not waiting for a response as he strutted off of the bridge.

The hallway was much more silent than the room Zim had been in prior, and the silence gave Zim time to think. Maybe the thing he missed most about his time as an Invader was the Dib-worm. Not in a squishy love-pig way, Tallest, _no_, but in a sport kind of way. The Dib had been a fun game, kind of like chess.

Chess with fire, extreme hide and seek, and pointy weapons.

Oh, and that time with the pale purple penguin people. Zim snickered to himself as he remembered the Dib-stink being stabbed in the leg by one of the razor flippers the penguins wielded. Good times, goooood times.

It was too bad the Dib was dead. Zim could have probably used him as a moving target to chase after with his fleet. Letting his left antenna fall lightly over the side of his jawbone and his eyes lid slightly, the teenage alien stepped into his private quarters and locked the door. The room was equipped with everything he could need, like escape pods, some technological tools for his PAK, and other creature comforts. He grabbed some powder candy and a vanilla flavored stick to dip into it, his favorite.

GIR had taken a lot of his candy during his time on Earth, and it was a constant headache to the great Invader Zim to need to find more of his sweets.

Though, he didn't need to deal with GIR anymore either though. The Irken boy let out a happy hum upon realizing this for the hundredth time; it always pleased him to remember how he never needed to deal with that metal annoyance ever again. Setting down on the couch and turning on the television via an electric pulse from his PAK, Zim let his body relax. Just as his favorite program was about to come on though, the power went out.

"What is this!" Zim bellowed to the empty space around him, instantly on his feet and pointing accusingly at the darkness. "You FILTH!" The livid green alien marched over to the door and slammed one of his clawed fists into it, effectively denting the hard Irken metal and scuffing his plastic glove. The opening mechanism was not functioning. Zim was trapped. "Someone, open the door of face the unrelenting wrath of me, ZIM!" He yelled, knowing in the back of his mind that the metal was soundproof and no one knew he was in his quarters.

Stepping back a few paces and arming his spider limbs, the haughty Irken prepared to charge the door with lasers. "Hyahhh!" he yelled, firing the concentrated light beam at the door and disintegrating it into a large ovular opening. Zim stepped through the glowing hole, careful to avoid the white-hot corners and shrugging when he saw the other three or four holes his laser blast had left in the adjacent hallways. He could have a drone fix that after he executed the idiot who screwed up and made the power go out.

/_Tep, tep, tep_/

Zim whirled on his heel, PAK limbs flying out and eyes darting wildly from side to side. Those were footsteps, no doubt about it. No Irken would come into the hallway without announcing himself, and no machine could make a sound that organic. There was no light in the hallway for Zim's eyes to focus on, not even any ultraviolet florescence from the emergency lights. "Show yourself!" he yelled near-manically as the footsteps came to an abrupt halt.

The lights flared to life, making the Irken Invader cry out as his eyes tried to adjust. He saw a blurry figure rushing him. Pale pink flesh tumbled into him as the creature's body met his, and sooty black hair splashed across Zim's face as they crashed into the ground. A pair of yellow eyes locked with the magenta ones for one moment as the fist flew at his head,

and then everything was dark again.

* * *

a/c: Well, that's chapter one, I'm sorry it took so long to get up, I frankly didn't think anyone would take an interest in this... On that note, thank you so much, Dlbn, for your review, it made my week =) (and to the people that added this story to their fav/follow lists, thankies~)

Anyone else that happened to click here, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will come back for more!

P.S. The chapters will get longer, I promise


	3. Chapter 2: The Second Stage

The Thirteenth Human

Chapter 2

When Zim finally came to, there were a handful of guards and a computer writer standing above him, murmuring things like "Is he okay?" and "How long do you think he's been out for?"

Of course, the little creature hardly headed their presence as he shot up into a standing position like a tiny child that was propelled into the air by the fat boy on the other side of the teeter-totter.

"The Dib!" He yelled, remembering only the hard, chalk yellow eyes and sooty, dark hair. Magenta eyes widened into an obsessive dread at the thought of the human coming after him. "The Dib, that horrible mutt, _attacked_ me!" It didn't matter to Zim that it wasn't possible, that Dib was dead; one of those filthy Homo sapien-monkeys had run into him and hit him on the head with something! Oh, he would PAY for denting the skull of ZIM!

"It was who?" the female from earlier asked, arriving at the scene with a small table-headed drone beside her. The drone was taking notes on a pink tablet device, his compressed antennae sticking out pitifully from the sides of the tabletop.

"Dib! The human! He's always been after my glorious flesh, but then I killed him, and now he's back as a hideously ugly zombie for more!" With Zim's paranoia not quite melted away, three of the five surrounding Irkens took a step back. Their fleet commander had already gone crazy once when someone had mentioned Barbeque Sauce, and he had locked himself in his quarters for the rest of the sun cycle to ramble about "Hyuman affffffffecK-tion." No one wanted to risk losing an eye or something to his defectiveness.

She peaked the hook of an antenna forward, a gesture of uncertainty or confusion. "I do not understand what you're speaking of." Her tone was almost too authoritative. Should one of his followers really have that much control over the situation? "Would you like the facts?"

Zim scoffed, it was his fleet, he should be the one to provide the facts!

"Alright, there were four organisms that we picked up on, bipedal and warm-blooded. Two were patrolling the halls around here, that's what attacked you, and the other two were in our weapons sector. They had two plasma beams a piece and somehow had access to our power grid." She paused to seize the pad from the drone to her side, "We got the DNA of one of the creatures in the weapons sector, analysis just came back unknown, so it could be your 'human' race, Commander Zim.

"They also managed to steal two Emergency Paks and three laser guns."

Growling in the base of his throat, the supposed commander snatched his tablet and glared at the screen. Sure enough, two stolen Emergency Paks and some lasers were marked as missing. The DNA they found also had already been dissected so that anyone who wanted to could see the genes of the creature who wielded the lengthy double-helix. This organism had auburn hair and grey eyes. So much good _that_ did him... It was definitely human though, and that was enough to send a shiver down Zim's alien spine. After a few moments of silence, the female turned to walk away, waving to bring the other Irkens with her. Another authoritative move. Zim would need to tell the Tallest about that, she was showing signs of mutiny! If she could become a threat to the Empire, it would be kind of Zim to alert the Almighty to the possibility. Maybe they would give him some new drones if he turned her in! The ship could use a better chef after all...

Alone once again with his thoughts, the commander sauntered down the hall, heading to the security sector. Even if the Dib-rat had managed to turn off the security system, (as Zim was sure he could do, the human had managed to break into his systems and even partially control his superbly designed robots on more than one occasion) there were special cameras that ran on these battery-things in some of the hallways.

It was an old technology that wasn't too efficient, but the cameras did serve their purposes.

Upon his arrival, he found the room rather barren. Everyone on the ship was probably scouting for evidence, as crime scene investigation was a hobby that many Irkens enjoyed.

"Computer, bring up the recording from the camera outside my quarters," Zim hollered at the machinery, smiling to himself as it followed his commands without any reluctance or coughing.

The feed was pitch black on account of the lack of light, but with a few button pushes and contrast changes the screen looked bright as day. Yes, there he was, shooting holes in the wall. They were nice holes, he had to say, an amazing circular shape. Only Zim was capable of such flawless destruction, and Zim was he!

There, that was the human. Zim instantly relaxed as the strong boy stood in the hall on the tape, glowing at the little alien. It wasn't Dib. The jaw was too strong, nose too slender, and skin too olive. Dib was more of a whitish color. This human's hair was a different color too, more maroon than black, but it really did have soot in it. Clever camouflage for the dark actually, he was surprised a human could pull that off.

So, the Dib did not attack him. That was because he was rather dead.

Perching his chin on the back of his gloved hand, Zim sighed. If it wasn't Dib, then whom should he try and get revenge at? It was problematic, and that bothered Zim. Problems should revolve themselves before his almighty almightiness!

Ugh, he needed some candy.

* * *

There was no point in being a paranormal investigator, not when the paranormal surrounded him on all sides and was just as accepting of him as a mother would be of a little foster child. Dib groaned as he let his head thump against the plastic table in front of him. An order of fries sat by his head, and an untouched drink of something that looked and smelled like a cherry slushy rested dangerously on the edge of the table. Life was really crumby right now, and all Dib felt like doing was curling up in a ball and sleeping.

Stupid Dwicky and his stupid dumbness, it was all his fault! Not Dib's fault at all.

Nope, not one bit.

They said anger was the second stage of grief, where you try and find someone to blame. Picking up his straw and using it to sharply impale one of his fries, the boy decided that 'angry' was a fierce understatement. The fry leaked some sort of yellow alien type goo, or maybe wet potatoes, but Dib really wasn't in the mood to find out. Since all traces of hunger vanished like a star gone supernova, the tall boy stood up and strode out of the restaurant he was in, Shloogorgh's.

The stars twinkled brightly overhead, looking just like they had on Earth. There were little familiarities like that all over; smells and sounds were rather universal, apparently. Unfortunately for Dib, an uneasy foreignness did pervade through everything else though, like there was a creepy old man looking over his shoulder as he walked and trying to sniff his hair or something. At least creeps like that were human creeps, the idea of having a potentially toxic alien stalk him was even more mortifying.

"Watch it!" a limber Irken with harsh heather eyes hissed as Dib bumped him.

"Sorry," the boy responded half-sincerely, resisting the urge to tackle the green thing and threaten it with dissection. He had yet to come to terms with the idea that not all Irkens were Zim.

Before the boy could go back to his mental tangent on alien stalkers, a powerful hand wrapped around his wrist, "Wait, you're the thing that mammal was looking for!"

"What are you talking about?" Dib yelped, becoming defensive and trying to pull away. The alien's grip was like steel though, and his lack of gloves let Dib see the sharp claws that tipped each of the three fingers. They were the color of ivory, fading to the pale grassy green of the Irken's flesh before the first joint of each finger.

"There's a tall thing looking for you, with black hair and blue eyes? He was going all crazy over at the fresh food sector. It was funny." The irk nodded to himself, and then let Dib go and marched off without waiting for a response.

There was a fresh food sector? Dib tilted his head at that tidbit of information, storing it away for future use. Fresh food _would _come in handy...

On that note though, Dwicky was looking for him! A smile darted across the boy's face and he took off, not caring if he crashed into anyone or anything. Maybe he had reconsidered! There was hope for humanity yet!

Sure enough, Mr. Dwicky was standing near a vat of large red fruits looking like a seventeenth-century preacher reciting scripture to a crowd of Native Americans. He stood tall on an overturned crate, long black shirt and black slacks seeming to make the few streaks of silver going through his hair more apparent. Sky blue eyes lit up one they alighted upon the boy, and the counselor was in front of him moments later.

Another silence hung between them, with Dib forcefully biting his tongue to keep from yelling random excited blabbering. (One thing he had managed to learn back on Earth was that people do not respond well to twitching.)

"So," Dwicky said in a peppy tone, apparently pleased with his ability to locate one individual in a crowd of millions, "I was thinking about it and-"

"Great!" Dib yelled, unable to bite his tongue any longer, "We can start our subterfuge right away! There won't be anything that Zim could to about it and we-" Dwicky's hand quickly abolished his rant, covering the younger boy's mouth in a gesture that would have been creepy if it were anyone else.

"Dib!" Dwicky shouted as soon as his hand moved to silence the boy, "You need to calm down, take a deep breath or something and relax." Once the younger boy's eyes lost the hyperactive and somewhat psychotic glow they held whenever he got overexcited, Mr. Dwicky moved his hand away. If there was one thing Dwicky hated, it was working with children. They were so annoyingly innocent and immature. If Dib had any idea of what a single talented Irken was able to do on a field of battle, he would not be this eager to pick a fight with the entire _Empire_. The boy reminded him of a bunny, sensitive, hyperactive, and super aware.

If only Dwicky liked Dib as much as he liked bunnies, the only reason he had even bothered to trek all the way out here was because he felt guilty about causing the downfall of humanity.

Not that humanity probably would have lasted much longer on its own anyway...

The boy looked away indignantly once the pseudo-restraint was pulled away. "Okay, let me say this again, Mr. Dwicky, I can't take them alone, but I will_ die_ before I let Zim get away with this." Tilting his chin down, the teenager tossed the ex-counselor a glance that was halfway between a determined glare and the look a puppy gives after it is kicked.

Reaching into the brown tow-fabric satchel at his side, the blue eyed man pulled out a small device with a triangular center and a lens branching off of the front. It was a camera, covered with a few scratches and some dust. "I do want to help you, but _only_ from behind the scenes." Dwicky said, holding the blue and silver device out to the boy. Dib reached out gently to take it, somewhat dumbstruck.

Was this really his camera? Dwicky must have kept it for some reason. Pressing the playback button, the device hummed to life. Sure enough, there were the videos, and that one picture Dib took of an oddly shaped log to test the camera. It really did look like a dog, he didn't see why it was so hard to agree with him on that, but Mr. Dwicky had insisted that it was just a log.

Forcing himself to get back on the right train of thought, Dib turned off the camera and put it into his own tattered black string bag. There was a lot of work he and Dwicky would need to get started on. Dib was feeling extremely alive while the taller man began speaking about the different weaknesses on the inside of the Empire, this revenge was going to be _sweet_! "Uh-huh," he nodded absently, smiling like a little boy on Christmas morning. Dwicky was going to help him!

After a moment, the ex-counselor seemed to notice that Dib was in his own little happy world, and stopped talking. "There's this group of aliens," he said once Dib seemed undistracted, "They call themselves the Resisty-"

"-Pft," Dib scoffed, "that's a stupid name-"

"-and if we joined them, we could really leave some dents in the Empire." Dwicky finished, nodding in agreement at the avid paranormal investigator's interruption.

Muffling his giggles at the resistance's name with a serious visage, Dib smirked. "Great, let's go now!" He looped his thumbs around the straps of his bag, pulling it flush against his back.

It was good to see that the boy still had the capacity to be so peppy; it meant that he still had some sort of hope. "Okay," Dwicky agreed with a enthusiastic thumbs-up, "My ship is parked a few lots south of here, let's go, partner!"

Dib laughed at the irony as he began to follow Dwicky, his thoughts once again wrapped up in ever-so-pleasant fantasies of revenge and destruction.

Zim was about to be a victim on an insane level.

* * *

The candy had done absolutely nothing to improve Zim's foul, foul mood. He had been summoned to the Massive by the Control Brain that resided on the capital ship, and if there was one thing that he had learned while on trial, it was that Control Brains did not summon you for happy reasons. Currently, he was the only Irken in the room with the massive, independent Pak.

_"Do you know why you were summoned?" _the machine hissed, somehow feeling impatient to begin whatever it was that it desired to do.

Zim shook his head, remaining quiet for once.

"_Your fleet was raided,_" it pointed out, knowing that Zim was rather low on the scale of Irken intelligence. "_and you are going to be punished for it."_

"Don't take my ships!" He yelled, instantly falling to his knees as if the sophisticated robot could see him, "I need them to breathe!"

Silence pervaded the room as the Brain attempted to figure out what Zim's fleet had to do with his respiratory system. Surely the boy could find other methods of inhaling and exhaling? Whatever, maybe the sad little excuse for a commander would find some creative or entertaining way to redeem himself. _"Fix the problem, and we will not remove your title._" It commanded, sensing the little yelp of joy that Zim released.

"Yes, my'lord," Zim saluted, taking those words as an indication to leave. He bolted out into the hallway, wanting to get back to his ship. There was some brilliant maniacal planning to do!

* * *

a/c Ahhh, this chapter is slightly longer, and only took a bit more than a month! . (I swear, I have great respect for anyone that can pull off an entire NaNoWriMo. I don't know how they can ever find the time to write that much!) Anyway, I'm SO glad that people are enjoying this story, that makes me very very happy! =D Now I need to go start chapter three and do my SAT tutor homework that I managed to put off for an entire month. Woo, work! =P

Also, love for the reviewers! (You all rock!)

Dlbn: Glad you like it, Dib's random angry moments were enjoyable to me on the show, I'm glad I managed to capture it well! ^.^

Rox -Dark Irken luver: Yay, caps! Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed reading this =)

CloudCuckooSquirrel: Yes, I do love Dib, he makes a great hero/antagonist. (Not many characters can pull off that combo well, XP) The in-characterness was fun to write for me, Zim is so enthusiastic about everything, I like to keep him in character. Glad that you liked it!

The Cheeriest-O: You made me go "yay" out loud with your reviews, really. (Then I got a wierd look from my mom, but anyway...) I'm glad people are really enjoying this, makes me feel like I'm appreciated. (yay, appreciation!) I also love your avatar, for the record.


	4. Chapter 3: A Crushing Hope

The Thirteenth Human

Chapter Three: A Crushing Hope

Just so you guys know; I don't own Invader Zim or anything remotely related to it.

The Resisty was an unfixed dog. No matter how many times it got thrown across the room or scolded, it would always come back and do inappropriate things to its superior's leg. Not only was it annoying and an embarrassment, but this particular dog had a habit of leg-humping whenever an important guest was around. The entire Empire was laughed at by random alien species the last time Irkens and Planet Jackers met. The meeting had been going well, and the Tallests were about to mark out more regions of space that the Planet Jackers would be prohibited from, when a new Meekrobian vessel popped out of hyperspace and blew up the meeting ship. The Jackers flew off and all of the plans were put on hiatus.

Now, when forced to deal with an unfixed dog, one has a couple of options. The dog can either be fixed so its hormones no longer govern it around legs and unfortunate stuffed animals, or it can be blown into gory smithereens.

In the mind of a certain tiny fleet commander, only one of these options was a viable way of gaining back the trust of the Control Brains.

When Zim had returned to his fleet after his meeting with the sophisticated machine, the entire platoon of ships was docked in an Irken space station and that dammed female was treating everyone to some fermented root juice. Walking into the bar they were stationed in, Zim was almost mowed down by some waitress with wings, her pupil-less green eyes looking tired.

"And then he called his flesh glorious and went onto a paranoid ramble about zombies." The navigator from his ship narrated, eyelashes bowing gracefully as she blinked slowly.

Zim smiled haughtily as he realized she was recounting the event that had taken place in the hallway. His massive ego removed all of the negative connotations from her words, until the sentence sounded like glorious praise to his relaxed antennae. "Ah, Navigator Lundi," he said softly, "glad to hear you learned from that horrible encounter."

Lundi, who had only minutes before been Zim's least favorite inferior, raised one of her eyes, the equivalent of tilting one eyebrow. Once again, the gesture was lost on her commander.

"Are the ships near ready to depart? We need to go blow up the Resisty leader, Lard Nar."

The entire bar fell silent, as if a groom had just announced homosexuality at a wedding rehearsal. Zim looked around in the silence, disappointed that it took everyone in the bar so long to realize he was there. At least they were reveling in his presence now; that helped lighten his mood.

Silence was broken when two of Zim's subordinates nodded, whispering something to the female in Irken. Lundi nodded in agreement and stood, her slender frame towering over Zim by nine whole inches. "Well, Glorious Invader Zim," she purred, her adjectives met with scattered giggles from all the Irkens in the bar, "You have quite the reputation for being able to do things on your own. 'Invaders need no one,' after all."

Zim's oval eyes opened fully, a realization hitting him. "I don't need to take all of you, I can do it myself!" He tightened his gloved talons into fists and pumped them at his sides. "How much more timeless would I become if I took down those renegade aliens by _myself_?" The florescent yellow lighting in the drab bar gave his skin the look of someone with yellow fever, and his eyes looked just as ill. "Yes, _yes,_ all of their blood-goo shall be MINE!"

One of his pilots shook his head mockingly and murmured something. "Just take my Voot and get out," he sighed.

A few other pilots nodded as Zim laughed manically, they would be _so_ grateful to be rid of this delusional commander.

"Very well!" Zim yelled, "I will set out immediately to win back the trust of the control brains!" With that statement, the five-foot creature pivoted on his heel and marched out of the bar. Laughter followed him on the way out, biting at his heels with as much malice as a sound could carry. Allowing himself one more triumphant smile before he got his work-face on, Zim jogged over to where the smaller ships from his fleet were docked. The transparent hood of one of the largest Voot ships swung aside for him with the wave of a hand, and he quickly stepped inside.

At about the size of a two-floor town house, the ship had enough fuel and firepower to take out most Vortian ships. Surely the Resisty would be no match for such amazing Irken engineering? Zim snickered. No, they would not stand a chance, because this ship had a secret weapon. A huge laser mounted on the front of the ship served as a miniature organic sweeper. It could annihilate anything that was too stubborn to die with regular cannon fire. How kind and clever it was for one of his subordinates to give him this ship.

Moments after powering up the ship, Zim stood on the bridge admiring the stars as he passed them. Space was where Irkens belonged. Just as he sat down in the comfy commander's chair to relax, however, a ping emitted from the control panel. "_Warning, warning, unregistered ship directly ahead,"_ a synthetic voice said without any emotion.

Zim shot forward and shoved his face up against the window. An unidentified ship? Already? He wasn't even anywhere near the Resity's hiding-out locations yet. "Whatever!" He shouted, going over to arm the giant laser. "Whoever you are, prepare to taste the taste of..." he paused to think of a sensible end to the sentence, "DOOM!" Spinning the dial that controlled the cannon's charging rate to max, a twisted grin stretched over Zim's face.

* * *

About the time that Zim was let out of his conference with the control brain, Dwicky and Dib boarded a small Plookesian ship. "It's brand new, totally unflown," Dwicky bragged as the two hopped into the tandem seats. "probably one of the faster ships out there."

"Wow!" Dib exclaimed, impressed by the fine construction of the ship. He ran his hands over the inside of the hull, smiling as the hard, seamless metal cooled his flesh. No matter how many times the boy saw a space ship, he was always struck with childish wonder at the alien technology that thrived under his fingertips. Controls were attached to the sides of the cockpit, encasing Dib in a cocoon of firepower. It was really well armed, for a ship belonging to perpetually happy organisms. "Ohh," Dib gasped, realizing that the co-pilot's chair he was seated in contained most of the navigation equipment and the triggers to some really sweet looking plasma cannons. "I'm the navigator?" the raven haired teenager was awestruck, tempted to press a button and see what happened. He knew that was a stupid idea though, anything he decided to touch would probably be a self destruct button.

His luck was that of a cartoon character sometimes, after all.

"Yeah," Dwicky responded, hopping into the front seat and powering up the vehicle. The ship hummed to life under the two males, harnessing a power with an ease that humanity wouldn't have been able to accomplish for probably another thousand years. "I have a couple of Resisty hideouts marked with red dots, your job is to make sure we don't go into any blue shaded areas, those areas are restricted to Empire ships only. You can manage that, I'm sure." His tone was supportive, as always.

Nodding even though the man couldn't see him, Dib touched the controls again. He had only been into two Plookesian ships, and this one was much more designed for quick travel. It was sleek and light blue, almost like a suave sports car. There was no passenger seat though, only the light grey pilot chairs, one behind the other.

"Lift off!" Dwicky hummed, pulling up on the throttle and tugging the powerful ship into the sky. The purple and red atmosphere of Foodcourtia blurred into black around them, the bright advertisement screens for different restaurants and stores giving way to twinkling stars. "So, how long will we be flying for? Tap the mini map on the back of my seat, it'll project a screen, then ask it how long the trip is."

"O-kay?" The teen said, doubting Dwicky's knowledge of the ship. But sure enough, the second Dib's finger's tapped against the screen, a large holo-map appeared in front of the boy, each section detailed by a different color that meant something. Dib had flown around enough to know that green was neutral Empire space, so the fact that he was in that right now didn't bother him. "Ah, cool! The next red dot?" Dib paused, scrolling across the screen by dragging it with one finger while his other hand thoughtfully clasped his chin. "Looks like... half a light year. Not too far in a ship like this." He continued scrolling past the red dot, noting the splotches of restricted blue that were splashed around the red. It didn't seem like a very good place for a resistance to hide.

Dwicky nodded, focusing on flying. Cool oxygen wafted into the cabin through a couple vents, and it was the only sound aside from Dwicky's humming of a classic show tune.

A smile crossed Dib's face as he sang along in his head. It was like he was the member of a secret club; he and Dwicky were the only two organisms in the universe that knew the notes to a Broadway play.

He hoped it would stay that way; he had never been part of a secret club before.

Golden eyes began to slip shut as Dwicky began to hum a softer song, and the back of the seat was so soft and the breeze felt so nice- it was like the ship was begging him to fall asleep.

_Warning, warning, targeted. Warning, warning-_

The cold voice jerked Dib from his sleep with its icy hands. It forced him to attention like some sort of prairie mammal. The alert had the same effect on Dwicky, who instantly scrambled for a microphone and swore. "Damn Irkens!" He slammed a hand on the communicator as the alarm continued to blare.

Dib lurched forward and slapped the switch to turn the alarm off, his heart pounding in his ears. "Mr. Dwicky!" He panted, wishing that he was in his own ship. "Do something!"

"They're-" Dwicky growled, hitting the communicator again. "Not answering!" Irkens were ruthless creatures, it was common knowledge, but was this ship really planning on blowing them up without reason? Plasma glowed soundlessly at the cannons of the much larger ship, threatening to blow the smaller Plookesian ship to smithereens in the soundless abyss.

With his mind on overdrive, a plan suddenly flew into Dib's hyperactive brain. His hands flew back and grasped the throttle that controlled the flight of this ship, shoving forward into a spiraling dive. "Hold on!" He yelled, pulling back sharply to drive their lithe craft up into the escape pod bay of the Irken ship. A ship that size could hold, what, ten Irkens? Against the weapons that Dwicky and he could pull from the Plookesian craft? It was worth a shot, and more likely to work out than just sitting there and getting shot.

"Ahh!" Dwicky yelled in reflex as their path switched from plunging downwards to shooting upwards at least double the speed of sound. The man wanted to yell that this was insane, that Dib was _insane_, but there wasn't enough time before they crashed through the escape pod bay and flew through the windshield.

"Uugh-" Dib groaned, looking back at the automatic deploying windshield as an alarm went off. The suction of space in the escape bay wasn't a problem though, because a new wall shot down from the ceiling and sealed off the leak. His arm was twisted oddly under his back from the landing, but nothing appeared to be broken.

Dwicky seemed to be in a similar situation. "You _nut,_" he gasped, smiling, "That was brilliant! You deserve a pat on the back for that one!" He flexed out his wrists, pleased they weren't broken or sprained. His blue eyes glanced around the dreary room, looking for the exit. "So, got any more knowledge on Irken ships to help us out in here?"

"Nah," Dib said, only having recognized the escape pod bay because of that time Gaz had forced him into one so that she could get her pizza on time. "Though we should arm ourselves, this ship is probably filled with Irkens just waiting to swarm us like the dirty little ants they are."

A nod from Dwicky as the man snatched a few blasters from the ship, tossing one to Dib with the safety on. It was oddly shaped, like an eggplant. Black and a bit dusty from being under the pilot's seat for so long, the eggplant weapon was unlike anything Dib had ever seen before. The dial that controlled the power of the gun was already turned to max, and two metal prongs that stuck out of the end hinted that the weapon might shoot lightning or something.

_"Well well well," _an all-too familiar Irken voice said over the loud speakers. "_That was a clever move for some stupid robot-head Plookesians, but even that little maneuver won't save you from _my_ amazing wrath! Ahahahaha!"_

_"_Zim," Dib breathed, clicking the safety off his gun and taking a step forwards. This was fate. It was his duty to destroy Zim, and Zim's fate to fall at his hands. This was so... Perfect! He didn't wait for Dwicky to finish arming himself before staring down the hallway, looking for the biggest, gaudiest door he could find. Zim would be behind that door for sure.

His feet moving him quickly down the corridor, Dib continued to glance up at every door or branching corridor he passed. Adrenaline was pulsing through his veins, and he was excited despite the danger they were in. The hallway he wandered down wasn't actually all that long, with a blank pink wall at the end, but there were quite a few doors (most of which were probably storage closets for snacks.

_"Hmph! Where are you hiding, metal-head? Zim will find you, make no mistake! I'm the best Elite that the Empire has to offer!"_

Dib scoffed at the sound system, absently wondering where Dwicky was as he passed an open door with a distorted mirror inside. The black haired boy paused in his march and took two steps back, wondering why Zim would want a distorted mirror. If anything, the reflection he saw had looked shorter, and there was no way that shrimp of an Irk needed to be reflected back any tinier than he already was.

"Wha?" Dib questioned, tilting his head as he stared at the open doorway. The reflection was gone, and in its place was a hall that ran parallel to the one he stood in. It must have been a hologram mirror or something that only picked up reflections of things in motion. With a somewhat spastic flail of his arm, Dib tried to reactivate the holo-mirror. Nothing happened.

"That's dumb..." he said, stepping into the hallway past the door. There was a flight of stairs to his left, and one huge embellished pink door to his right. What was the point of having a holo-mirror that you could only see out of the corner of your eye? It was so pointless, but this was Zim he was thinking about, so-

Wait, that door to the right at the end of the hallway was huge!

"Ah ha!" Dib pointed at the door as Dwicky poked his head into the hall, the older man having finally caught up.

"Dib," he whispered, "don't be so loud, the Irkens are probably just waiting to attack us!" the ex-counselor's head swiveled on his neck like a paranoid owl's. He looked like he would have been biting his nails if his hands hadn't been occupied with holding some alien weaponry.

The teenager chuckled lightheartedly, oddly happy to be in the claws of his old rival, "Nah, it's Zim, he's not really good at-"

Did pivoted as quickly as he could when he heard a bang from behind him. The likeliness of a huge spider had just stricken Dwicky's arm with one of its metallic legs, driving the older man's arm down and onto the metal floor with a sickening crack. Another metallic leg shot down like a striking snake, impaling Dwicky's other wrist to the floor as he let out a cry of pain from the first wound.

"Dwicky!" Dib yelled, charging forward and raising his gun at Zim's face. The Irken was in his element though, and launched himself forward with his four artificial legs, ripping out of Dwicky's wrist and flying over Dib's head. One of the legs flew back and bashed Dwicky's temple, probably by accident, the man grunted and tried to grasp his head, only to shout out in pain again and keel over, dazed.

Glowering at the injured human and his big headed companion, Zim's scarlet eyes sparkled with malice. "I should have known you would survive, Dib-rat. I must say, it was rather impressive of you to be able to get away from the Organic sweeper!" His smirk lengthened into a full on grin, the happy smile contradicting the cold hatred that burned in his compound eyes. "It was luck though, Zim is sure, and there isn't any way you'll defeat me in a one-on-one fight, Dib-smeet. Zim has beaten you before, and I will do it again. My superiority was proven when I took your planet, and there's nothing you monkey can do about it!"

There had hardly been time to flinch when Zim flew over his head, but the break the alien took to monologue was more than enough for Dib to ready his weapon. "One shot and you're done, spaceboy," Dib spat, stepping forward with his left foot to anchor himself in case of a kickback from the lightning gun.

"Ha!" The fleet commander laughed, grabbing his gut. "That's a good one! But not really." He took two steps back and pulled out a ray gun of his own. His weapon was triangular and a deep red, nearly matching his eyes. It has a simple trigger, though the barrel was embellished with the Empire's one eyed insignia. "Filthy, stupid human, that's a _taser_. Are you so pathetic that you really don't know your Plookesian weaponry? I know you're an idiot worm-poop, but this is just sad." He giggled shrilly, flipping the safety off his weapon and raising it.

Dib paled, his hand dropping slightly as Zim let out another evil laugh. A... Taser? Dwicky handed him a taser!

Wait, maybe Zim was bluffing! Dib clicked the trigger quickly, praying that some awesome bolt of white light would break free of the weapon and shoot through Zim's tiny body, but there was nothing. Jolts of electricity sparked off of the end of the two silver prongs, but there was no epic blue lightning or smoldering Irken on the other end of the hall. A few of Dib's imaginary swears came out of his mouth as he threw the gun at the Irken boy without thinking.

"Yah!" Zim yelped, diving to the side to avoid the sparking hand weapon. His own talons shot up as he banged into the metal wall, squeezing the trigger of his plasma gun on reflex.

Energy crackled as the white-hot plasma tore at an angle through the air, wrapping its teeth around Dib's leg and ripping away the clothes and flesh of the limb like it was biting off part of a chicken wing. It kept going past the part of his leg it hit, tearing into Dwicky too.

"Nnh-!" The boy grunted as he fell onto his good knee, bringing his hands back to clasp the bleeding leg. Ah- almost half of his calf was just _gone_- and it _hurt_.

"D-Dwicky," he stammered out, ignoring the black splotches that swam across his vision. Dib knew he was bleeding really badly, the floor felt soaked already. He looked back to the man, and gasped again when he saw the older guardian lying motionless. "Are you-"

"Stupid human." Zim cut him off simply. The green boy had stepped forward while Dib was sorting through his wound-induced fog. "I, the indestructible Zim, beat you again." Dib felt the cold metal aim at his head from point blank range. He looked up.

It was over.

"Say goodnight, Dib-rat." Zim giggled, his final victory in his hands. His finger tightened on the trigger.

But the blast did not hit Dib.

Like a guardian angel fallen from Heaven, something wrapped around his body at the last second. She- because Dib could feel a soft chest press against his forehead and slender arms wrap around his bleeding frame- was warm and soft and protective.

Was he dead? Was this a spirit protecting him?

"What? _Who!_"

No, that was Zim yelling, so Dib couldn't be dead. The warmth left him and he collapsed, bleeding out from the wound to his major artery in the ankle.

"Gaga, head to the miniature organic sweeper!" a man's voice yelled, sounding no older than Dib himself, "Floobie, get that Irken into a pod and out of here!" The orders were harsh as more footsteps banged around on the metal hallway. "I'll take care of this thing." The male said, more softly.

Dib summoned the strength to look up, his tired golden eyes suddenly meeting those of the leader of his saviors. The other boy had maroon hair, shaded black with dust and hard chalk yellow eyes. It was human.

That was about as much as he could take. Dib let his eyes thud shut, feeling the other human embrace him into safety.

What was going on?

* * *

a/c: Oh my God, another chapter! I'm so proud of myself for actually sitting down and forcing myself to finish this one =D. It's also a bit longer, aver 3,600 words this time~ Yay~ Also a thanks to my amazing beta who goes by the name of Delmaria on the interwebs, I 3 you~

I already planned out the next chapter; hopefully it won't take as long to get up as this one did... BUT, the next one explains a lot, so prepare to have the plot revealed! *sweatdrop*

Reviewer love!

The Cheeriest-O: Thank you! I'm glad there are people that appreciate my ideas, and my proper use of the English language =3


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Invader Zim