Invader Zim 1. Chapter 1

"**I said get UP, Dib!"**

The first thing that Dib felt that morning was a pillow thrown at his face, almost hard enough to break his nose. Dib bolted straight up in bed and put on his glasses, only to see his annoyed sister standing in the doorway. She'd apparently already gone back to playing the "Game Slave 2" she always had with her as soon as she threw the pillow.

"Gaz! For the last time; **don't **do that! You could break something!" He snapped at his sister Gaz. Gaz just rolled her eyes and slammed Dib's room's door shut so he could get dressed.

Dib glanced at his alarm clock; it was ten minutes until the bus came. "Oh crud!" Dib wondered why his alarm hadn't gone off, but pushed that question aside as he quickly got out of bed and took off his pajamas. Pulling on his Blue T-Shirt with a little face on it and black pants, he quickly swiped a hair brush and fixed his black hair into its normal scythe-like style before heading downstairs, grabbing his backpack on the way out of his room.

"Hey Dad!" Dib called to his father Doctor Membrane, sliding down the stair railing. "What's for breakfast?"

"**Toast!**" Doctor Membrane announced boomingly, holding up a piece of the Super-Toast that made him famous. Dib sighed, silently wishing that they could have cereal, or really _anything _else, for once. Dib sat down next to his sister Gaz to go through his backpack to make sure he was ready for school.

Gaz, leaning over his shoulder, questioned; "Why do you have all those pictures of Zim…?" She sounded suspicious, almost like she was implying something that would deeply interest a few of the readers.

Dib glared at his sister. "Do you _**not**_ see the alien eyes and antennas?" He asked her in a tone that sounded like he was scolding her, annoyed at the fact no one ever believes him nor notices any proof of Zim being an alien. Gaz remained silent; obviously thinking that Dib was insane, which was the usual response. Dib sighed in annoyance and re-packed his backpack.

After hurriedly wolfing down his breakfast, Dib swiped the lunch money on the counter and half-hazardly forced it into his backpack. Pulling on his long black trench coat and practically hopping into his matching black boots, he was about to head out the door. He halted, however, realizing he forgot his camera! Not about to miss an off-chance for more photographic proof of Zim's unearthliness, He raced back to his room to retrieve it before the bus came.

Dib tried to flip the camera on, but apparently the battery had died. Dib sighed, angrily muttering "It's always when you're late…" to himself. Not wasting any time, he grabbed a couple of batteries from the hall closet for his camera and rushed out the door just in time for the bus.

He was lucky enough to get on the bus before the driver had ignored him and sped off, but that was the end of his luck. Most of the seats were completely full, and those that were not were stubbornly filled with book bags of his schoolmates who hated him even more than he hated their ignorance. All except one, which made him quite eager to sit on some girl's backpack instead. Zim, of course it had to be him, was fiddling with some weird device and hadn't noticed the 'hyooman' come aboard, as the irken called humans whenever he wasn't using a more offensive term involving pigs.

_Oh well, maybe taking some pictures of the random thing in his hands would help with something._

"Alien scum." "Puny meatbag." "What's with the toy?" "A highly advanced game too awesome for you to understand." "From space?" "Ye-nooooo." _Smooth, Zim. Smooth._ "Then where's it from?" "… Internet." "Space internet?" "Shut up. Go chew on cardboard or something. Do humans do that?" Dib instead decided to stare at one of the flickering lights lining the top of the bus. Since Gaz had recently decided that a meatbag was in fact the perfect term for him, Zim still had yet to say anything worthy of one of Dib's well known freak outs. It ran through the human boy's head easily.

"Everyone, look, he's an alien! It's obvious!" "You're the alien." "Yeah Dib, quit being racist!" And it would somehow end with him suspended and his dad punishing him with lab cleaning duty. Dib, being perfectly comfortable with his current four limbs, didn't want a repeat of that event.

By the time they finally got to the Skool, even the little cartoon image on Dib's shirt felt like it was frowning. He made it to his locker before an undeniable aura of death surrounded him. It wasn't the irken sort this time, it was the sister sort.

"DiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIB!" "W-what I do?" "Who said you could use the last batteries in the house?" "It's my house too." "Well it's MY game system that I NEED to PLAY."_ If she enunciated that any more she'd be hammier than I am._ "Why not use the ones from the remote or something?" "The only thing the same kind is your stupid camera or your stupid clock!" "Hey, you made me… late…" That last accusation was shot down by a glare from beneath her magenta bangs, glowing circles of doomy dooms- well, just regular dooms at least- making it obvious what he had to do.

After surrendering the batteries to the terrifying little hands of his sister, he pulled out his oversized textbook for first period and headed there.


	2. Chapter 2

"Today, classs." Ms. Bitters hissed out, her yellowish skin and long frame making the theory of her being cold-blooded rather likely. "We have a new sstudent." Dib perked up at this, the last few new students had all been aliens. Zim, Tak, that crazy blonde chick that could dye anything pink with her mind… They were almost all females, come to think of it. And they all seemed to either want to eat his or Zim's face off. Shaking his head, Dib hoped that was a euphemism and that all the creepy flirting actually was the human sort and not like praying mantises or something.

The new girl made every human male in the room stare, though for Dib it was out of suspicion not romantic interest. She was tall, with black hair that was too long and had too many hairclips in it. Her clothes were whatever was considered fashion at the time, and covered about half of what you were supposed to. She wore high heels, for whatever reason, and the only unfashionable thing seemed to be the large bandage on her right cheek. She walked over and sat next to Dib, and he couldn't quite remember if that seat had been taken before today. "Uh, hi." Dib greeted, trying not to glare at her.

"Hello!" Her voice seemed to fit someone that belonged here, though her appearance seemed like a trendy highschooler, or maybe a model. Glancing in her bag- a striped purse instead of anything functional for school- he saw that it had a stack of fashion magazines in it. The cover on top looked a lot like her, but more of an adult and no bandage. Recalling the last string of crazy irken girls interested in specifically invading him instead of Earth, he figured he would end this before it could start.

"Cool disguise, can't even see the antenna." He said, trying to be as subtle as possible.

"Thanks!" Wow, she was… really dense. Before Dib could say any more, the surrounding boys grabbed her attention with confessions of love. Dib glanced at Zim, who was using the device from earlier to scan the new girl. The human wondered how the irken had managed to bring something useful to class, but he guessed that Zim was actually just pushing buttons and it happened to do a scan of some sort that likely didn't do anything but light the back up of her head with the little beam.

"Ms. Bitters, Ms. Bitters!" Ani, the local teacher's pet, called out. "You forgot to let the new girl introduce herself!"  
"Ah, yess. " Ms. Bitters did a dismissive handwave in the alien girl's direction, and she stood.

"My name is Mur Sew, I'll do my best!" She bowed respectfully, and Dib wondered if she'd gotten the wrong culture when she landed in whatever stupid ship. The bowing and the phrase reminded him a little of a Japanese dating sim Gaz had tried, maybe she studied the wrong country. 'Ooh's and 'aah's erupted from the male students, and the love confessions were revised with an actual name.

"Imbeciles." Dib muttered under his breath, turning the page of a textbook he wasn't reading.

"DIB! No speaking in class!" Ms. Bitters scolded, forcing a detention slip on him. He gaped and tried to defend himself, since he was the boy who was talking the **least** today, but as usual it did nothing.

After a few more classes that proved the girls' schedule only overlapped his twice, and serving his time with the people in school who actually did anything wrong, he headed to his locker so the stupidly large textbook could be shoved back in and his gym clothes could be pulled out. She had gotten the locker next to him too, of course.

"So, alien girl." "Yes?" "Are you here to try to take over Earth too?" "Sooorta…" He cut off his speech about stopping her and bringing peace and such. Dib was honestly shocked with how oblivious she was to the masquerade, considering her disguise was actually pretty good.

"Well then, why are you here?" "Zim." Dib couldn't help but grin. "Why? Is he in trouble? Is he going to be executed?" "W-what? No!" There go his hopes.

"I'm here because of Zim's little robot." "The freaky green dog thing?" The girl bit her lip. "Oh, his disguise is a dog? How cute!" The fangirl tendencies always surfaced around now, was she going to be one of the minority to try to date someone other than him or Zim?

"Yeah, it's reeeally bad though. Didn't you see him in class?" "Eh, Zim goes to school here too?" Dib groaned, even other aliens couldn't see through something so obvious.

"Um, anyway, where's he live? I want to be able to tell Kay as soon as possible." "Who's Kay?" Dib assumed it was her superior, who as usual sent someone incompetent to the little blue marble he wanted to defend.

"Yeah, and my friend. She's reeeally tall." Dib tilted his head. He could see her saying her friend was nice, or cool, or what her favorite color was even, but who cares about height? "She does robot stuff, so she wanted to see how GIR was still functioning despite being broken."

Dib snickered under his breath. A broken robot? Was Zim not even good enough for a new toy? Maybe even the aliens thought he sucked. "I think I'm gonna like you. Come on, let's beat him at dodge ball and then I'll show you were he lives. As long as you promise me something?"

"Sure, what?"

"Annoy him as much as possible." She nodded, he really was going to like her. At least, he was really going to like using her to mess with Zim.


	3. Chapter 3

After so many tries, Dib had developed a rather consistent way of sneaking into Zim's house. This involved wearing a paper bag over his head- which was unusually snug for some reason- that had "Not Dib" written on it. This made the lawn security, as defective as the rest of anything involving Zim, completely ignore him. Then, all he had to do was mention something like pizza or fine leather jackets, and GIR would open the door for him.

"Egocentric idiots three and four have entered the base." Was the snarky reaction as the two entered, GIR running off with what he was informed to be invisible Ninja Star Cookies. "Because ninjas can do that." Mur would have run after the overactive robot, with or without tackling, if not for the house's computer making itself known with that comment back at the top of the paragraph. Dib recalled the computer being referred to as a Mister S-something at one point, so maybe 'his self' was more accurate. Mur began looking for the speaker– and managing to defy gravity to do so- as Dib mentally debated if he should deny the egocentric bit or the idiot bit.

"Oh my, this is fascinating." "Oooh he even has a slushy machine!" "What does this button do?" "Wheeeee!" Mur played with random electronics on the first floor, which seemed less and less humanoid the more one noticed about it. "Wow, these things are cool! Is there anything you can't do?"

"I don't do windows." The computer replied before letting out a monotone "Ha ha. Ha." at the rather painful joke.

Mur was confused, probably because irken operating systems were not at all related to local ones. She quickly bounced back, however, in a literal sort of way that made Dib decide she was not allowed to have any sort of sugar. "So, AI, which way to HQ?"

"Over the river and through the woods…"

"You stand in the toilet, don't question it." Dib traded apathy for impatience, he was eager for the part where Zim's life was made miserable. Mur did so, and they managed to both get down to the underground base soon enough.

"The Tallest shall make me their right-hand irken for this!" Zim cackled, swatting GIR's hand away from the potato battery in front of them. GIR was pretending to eat the cookies, complete with faked chewing sounds, faithful to his obliviousness to the end. Mur was not as distracted as before, and managed to 'glomp' GIR to the ground. "What the-?! Computer, intruders!"

"Ch'yeah. I said that."

"Well, deestroooy them!"

"Maybe later." There was a sound clip of someone drinking a soda. Zim stomped his foot in a childish manner as GIR dug through Mur's purse out of curiosity and lack of personal space.

"Oooh a mini-me! Can we keep 'im?" GIR pulled out a small robot vaguely resembling himself, with a miniature collar and dual antennas. Zim seemed to recognize it, and snatched up the little irken machine.

"YOU!" He pointed accusingly at Mur, who was still clinging to GIR as if there was magnetism involved. "Do you KNOW what this IS?!" He went off on a rant about how irken technology is superior and that stealing is wrong unless the irkens are stealing in which case it is awesome.

"Yep! His name's LIT. It means the 'Little Intelligence Translator' according to Kay."

Zim was cut short as his tangent had gone on to recycling and the benefits of electric lighting. "Bah, what would a pig smelly know of irken machinery names?!"

Mur fumbled with her necklace, and her holographic disguise vanished. Her skin was a bit bluer than Zim's, and lilac eyes instead of his magenta. Her eyelashes and curled down antenna were dark pink, and she was wearing a blue costume resembling futuristic overalls. The bandage was still there, though surprisingly she lacked a PAK. This last fact made Zim freak out and scramble back even more than the randomly appearing irken would, as he managed not to anticipate this at all despite that no legitimate human had been a new classmate for quite some time and she owned an irken robot. Granted, it was obviously custom-built, but it could only be built at all by an irken or slave species ordered by an irken to make it irken-ish.

"Zombie! Computer! Kill!" Zim shouted this and similar random words, as Dib watched bemused and Mur and GIR occupied themselves with a fight over her purse.

"I-Invader Zim, please! Calm down!" The girl stammered, both their antennas somehow twitching in shock. GIR had managed to win their struggle, and was shredding one of the fashion magazines with his nonexistent teeth and, although muffled by the thing in his mouth, was muttering something about 'pretty-flavored' tacos. "I'm not a zombie, or defective, I'm just testing this!" She pointed to that iconic bandage. No one had any clue what she was talking about, so she explained.

"Well, you see, the Tallest started noticing that easily-removable PAKs mean that's it's rather easy to kill invaders just by pulling them off…" Dib made a mental note of that. "So, they got a few of the scientists to make alternatives that weren't quite so easy to remove and stuff! It's an iPAK, that my friend Kay made, and it's all inside so nothing to blow up!" No one had any clue what she was talking about, still, but she tried.


End file.

Invader Zim, Humor, Supernatural