Love Live! School idol project Of Tainted Minds

Niko entered the clubroom only to find it deserted of all living beings except for Maki, who's reviewing biology even though it's Saturday and therefore tomorrow _is _Sunday and that's wrong. She took a seat adjacent to the honor student and a piece of paper caught her attention.

"It's an unfinished lyrics," her eyes darted to the only other person in the room, "where's Umi?"

Maki shrugged in response, "Maybe she has matters to attend to, and not as _free _as a certain someone here."

Niko made efforts to contain her boiling wrath. Maki flipped a page, all nonchalant and cold and every bit uncaring as ever. Seeing as the only thing capable of breathing in the room beside her preferred the company of printed words than _her_, Niko read the contents of the paper to pass some time. And then she snapped.

"What," her mouth gaping like a fish out of the water, "_what _is this."

This time, Maki managed the superhuman feat of looking up from her textbook, "I heard it's a duet song for Nozomi-chan and Eri-chan."

"They _can't _sing this!" Niko banged a fist against the table but Maki didn't even flinch. She's just used to it. "They just _can't_."

"What."

Niko rose to her seat, the paper radiating sins in hand, "I have to find the one _behind _this."

Maki dragged her eyes back to a page detailing the insides of Porifera. "Please do not maul Umi-chan to death."

Niko opened her mouth and then promptly closed it back. She can't let Maki know about her master plan which involves knocking some sense into the second year and brainwashes her out of such tainting thoughts. She shifted uncomfortably before she quickly darted out of the room in quest to find the lyricist. She had no time to spare.

* * *

"THIS IS YOUR ENTIRE FAULT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO STUPID."

"AND YOU ARE STUPID FOR LETTING _ME _BRINGING OUR PROJECT HOME."

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR SISTER WOULD _EAT _OUR SCIENCE PROJECT."

"IT'S A PUDDING! INSIDE A REFRIGERATOR! WHO WOULDN'T EAT _THAT_?"

"Umi-chan, Honoka-chan…"

Niko stood in the doorway and saw Kotori waving her hand as a sign of greeting.

"Uh, I need to talk to Umi."

"Unfortunately," Kotori flashed her an apologetic look, "Umi-chan and Honoka-chan has been at it for fifteen minutes now."

Niko swallowed, hard, "They're beyond help."

"If it's about the unfinished lyrics…since the agreed deadline is just around the corner, I think we should help her out," Kotori suggested. Niko flinched.

"No. _No_," Niko stressed, lips tugged downwards and brows creased in disgust, "there are too many things _wrong_ with the lyrics. I don't even know where to start!" Her grip on the paper tightened by passing second. "What it needs is a revision. Like, lots of it. From top to bottom."

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MY SIS IS SUFFERING RIGHT NOW. SHE WENT TO THE BATHROOM FIVE TIMES ALREADY THIS MORNING."

"MY CONDOLENCES TO YOUR LITTLE SISTER, BUT _MY _GRADES HERE IS IN DANGER OF BEING THE NEXT THING FLUSHED INTO THE TOILET AND IT'S _YOUR _FAULT."

Kotori raised the volume of her voice since it was starting to get drowned by the screaming contest deep inside the classroom, "Umi-chan said she wrote the lyrics with a movie as her inspiration, the one Nozomi-chan lent for her. I think the DVD is there in the clubroom, somewhere. Maybe you should take a look at the movie…"

She bolted out of the classroom, en route their clubroom. The word 'Nozomi', 'movie' and 'lent' in the same sentence left little to her imagination.

"…or not."

* * *

"Niko-chan," her eyes glued to the screen and her biology tome forgotten, "_Niko-chan_. Is. Is this even legal."

Niko gulped. The girl in the screen did so, too, clad in nothing saves her cute frilly pink underwear. Niko thought her undergarments preference is a bit too showy, but then again it's _porn_.

"Niko-chan!"

"Shut it, Maki, just. Shut it."

"N-Niko-chan, why is she licking her friend's neck – they're both girls!" Maki inched away from the laptop in front of them and hid her face behind her eyes while making squeaky noises. The gap between her fingers allowed her to watch the movie still, and she yelped when the protagonist peeled her yet-to-be-girlfriend's top on screen. "NIKO-CHAN!"

Niko, on the other hand, decided to play it cool. Her chin nested on the palm of her left hand while her right held a pen, drumming the tip on the paper below leaving random blotches of ink. She was as cool as a cucumber, at least until the actresses moved from hot, passionate, lesbian kisses to full-on banging each other. She instinctively slapped her hands to Maki's eyes.

"O-ow! What are you doing—"

"Maki it's alright everything's alright you can thank me later."

Maki fought back, "Niko-channn!"

"It's," her voice remained firm, or at least trying to, what's with the girls on-screen fucking each other senseless and all, "it's for the sake of your _innocence_! Also stop it Maki, ow, OW! Stop biting my hands!"

Both froze when the door cracked open. The laptop, positioned with the monitor can be seen clearly as soon as one entered the room, made it ten times worse. Nozomi smiled at them. Like, that kind of smile that sends creeps down to the core of your soul. Niko groaned, slowly squirming away from Maki. Maki blinked in confusion.

"That is so _kinky _of you two."

"Shut the _hell _up."

* * *

They ended up continuing their endeavor in female-on-female porn, this time with three instead of two.

"Niko-chan, why is the other girl look so pained?"

"Niko-chan, she is crying but she asked for more! I don't understand."

"NIKO-CHAN THEY ARE _SO NOT _WRESTLING."

Niko chose to keep her mouth in a tight line while Maki was on verge of exploding to tiny bits.

"Niko-chan – "

"It's called sex, Maki-chan," Nozomi interjected, "and if you're still wondering _how _since they're both girls and from what you learned in class, the deed can only be done when a male and a female are present," Niko snuck a glance at Nozomi, eyes wide in horror, "I can help you with that."

"Oh my god Nozomi. Get _out_!"

Their conversation was cut short by a shrill scream coming from the movie. The girls on screen reached their climax. Maki was frothing in the mouth for the next quarter hour.

* * *

It was four in the afternoon and the school was emptying out of students. Niko made her way to a certain second year classroom, her legs swung wide and steps impatient. At last, in drunken stupor with the R-rated movie to blame, she finished the damned lyrics without much casualty. Except for Maki's innocence of course, but one can't remain chaste forever, so.

The demon-possessed sheet of lyrics held in her hand, she was so going to impress her underclassmen and show them who's boss. After all, writing the song is an equivalent to a trip to hell and back. It's hot. In the _other _sense.

Just three steps away from the classroom. A smile crept up to her face and she resisted the desire to giggle happily like a little girl in Christmas.

* * *

"UMI-CHAN ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT A PUDDING IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME."

"IT'S NOT JUST A PUDDING, IT'S OUR _SCIENCE PROJECT_."

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE _INTO _ME."

"YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE SO ASHAMED OF YOU."

"NOT WHEN YOUR MOM IS INTO MY MOM."

"Wh, what."

* * *

"I'm home…"

"Maki-chan, welcome back – oh my, my, you're so pale! Hold on, mom'll get you something – "

"No, mom, it's, uh, I'm. I'm alright."

* * *

**Notes**: [1] Something short that I just had to get out of my head. A plot bunny of sorts. Also my pathetic attempt at humor.

[2] I swear I'm going to write a proper NikoMaki later...


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Love Live! School idol project, Humor