Invader Zim 1. Chapter 1

Invader Zim belongs to someone better. So stop bugging me. Ruby and MAY are characters based off people I know. Or at least _think_ I know.

Idea spawned from my friend yelling "Don't write a fic about a OC Zim character!"

And I yelled. "I'll write one about you!!!!"

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A Irken ship zipped around the milky way, out of the pilot's control. Inside the ship an Irken invader screamed at curses at the malfunctioning autopilot programming as she attempted to find an inhabited planet to fix it on. A SIr unit-like robot continually screamed out violent ideas of what to do that the Irken ignored.

Crashing headlong into the sun just wasn't her idea of a safe landing no matter what the robot claimed.

Finally her computer pointed out a planet that was full of technoloy that was inhabited by "stupid idiots." So the Irken turned her ship quickly and prepared for a not-so-safe landing on a planet called Earth.

----

The Irken dragged itself out of a pile of twisted and torn metal.

"Well that landing went worse then expected." It turned around and scowled as the robot crawled out of the wreckage. It's eyes were a bright red, informing its owner that the machine was still in duty mode. As always.

"Shut up MAY. All your excessive shouts of suicidal plans distracted me." The Irken growled. It had red eyes and wore the same outfit every other invader wore. The only thing that made the creature stand out was that it was missing an antenna.

"_Sorry Master_." The robot said sarcastically. It resented the fact that it was owned by anyone and that it had to listen. Though this was a good thing considering it might otherwise destroy anything that moved. The Irken ignored it.

"Computer, are you still active?" The alien asked the ship. Sparks suddenly shot out of the wreckage and the invader and robot jumped out of the way as it exploded.

"Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Now we're stuck."

"We could march into the nearest military base on this filthy planet and steal anything air worthy. And kill people." The Irken sighed at the robot's statement.

"That would draw too much attention to ourselves. We are in enemy territory so the stupid inhabitants could attack us."

"So?" There was a pause.

"Just... just no. Not right now." The invader sighed.

"_Master Ruby _too scared to do anything dangerous?" The robot asked venomously.

"Shut up you ungrateful little thing!"

"Yes _Master_."

"Hey!" The two shipwrecked travelers turned around quickly in panic. "This is _my _planet for conquering. If you didn't know the Tallest sent _me_, the GREAT invader Zim here! Now leave."

Ruby stared at the person in front of her. He was obviously an Irken but- "What on Irk are you wearing?"

Zim blinked. "My human disguise. Where's your's?" The two aliens looked back at the ruined space ship. "Oh... never mind."

Ruby opened her mouth to say something but the other Irken interrupted.

"Come! Zim will get you a disguise so the Dib-stink can't cause trouble, then you tell Zim what you're doing here and the you LEAVE!!!!" At that Zim grabbed Ruby's hand and dragged her to his house.

-----

"What's a Dib-stink anyways?" Ruby asked as she looked at an ugly disguise the computer hologram projected. Which happened to be a human girl with green eyes and a wide, stupid smile plastered on it's face.

"One of the FILTHY human-worms that is always causing trouble. But he never gets far. Everyone thinks he's crazy."

"That so?"

"Kill it." The Irkens turned towards MAY who sat on the floor watching GIR hug a piggy. GIR screamed and hugged the piggy closer.

"NOOO!!! I LUV THE PIGGY!"

Ruby blinked. "Some people get all the luck, getting less violent robots and what not."

"GIR is stupid and incapable of doing anything useful." Zim stated.

"Wanna trade for MAY?"

Zim scratched his chin. "What does MAY stand for?"

"Might Attack You."

"No. I think I like GIR." Ruby sighed and clicked a button making a new disguise appear. She studied this one for a moment. It was a female with long-ish black hair and a blue shirt. It wore black pants and had brown eyes.

"I think I like this disguise."

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Yes.

I do realize that this idea is unoriginal.

I do realize that my friends are going to kill me on sight for making them into characters after stretching some of their personalities a bit.

I do realize that there will be so many flames I could compete with the devil.

I do realize that I don't really care.

BRING IT ON WORLD!!!!!! BRING IT ON!!!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Zim belongs to someone better.

MAY is a more violent (as impossible as it seems) version of my friend. Ruby is another friend who is more likely to know what I talking about. Both don't belong to me.

Yet.

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"Eh? Is that the best you could find?" Zim asked, staring at Ruby's disguise.

Ruby blinked. "I thought it was ok..."

"It doesn't look human." Zim said. "Stand out side and the humans will all panic. Which is not good for _Zim's_ mission. Not your mission. Mine."

Ruby shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. I just need to get off this planet. My mission is on the other side of the universe."

"Good luck with that." Zim said. There was a pause.

"Er... can I barrow your ship or something? I'm kinda stuck." Ruby pointed out.

Zim scratched his chin, deep in thought. "No."

"But I can't leave without your help!" Ruby cried out in panic.

"Not my problem." Zim replied.

"Master, my I suggest killing him and stealing the ship?" MAY said, dully. There was a pause.

"Zim demands you both to leave."

"But-!"

"LEAVE!" Zim ran behind Ruby and pushed her through the room to the door, which he opened and pushed the poor confused female Irken out.

"Wait! My ro-" MAY crashed through the window then looked up at Ruby dejectedly. "-bot. Oh well. Come on MAY let's go."

"Go? Go to kill him Master?" MAY asked the Irken.

"No! Go find something useful to get us off this stupid planet." Ruby answered. MAY's head sunk.

"No killing?"

"No killing."

The door to Zim's house suddenly swung open and Zim walked out in his human disguise.

"What are you doing?!" Zim yelled angrily at Ruby. "We must go to skool or the human's will suspect something!"

Ruby blinked. "Eh? But-" Zim grabbed her hand and dragged her off not listening to a thing the other alien said.

MAY watched with mild interest, muttering about how it hoped that they'd get themselves killed before GIR opened the door.

"Wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show!!!!!?!" The robot screamed.

MAY shrugged and entered the house, mumbling something about mass murders and apples.

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Yes, yes I know. This is a short chapter because

1) I'm lazy

2) I need to do homework

3) I'm busy with a contest the Devil (Who, by the way, says I don't stand a chance against the fires of hell. We'll just see about that won't we?)

4) I am starting to worry about how close the two MAY's personalities seem to be. And how Might Attack You describes both rather well.

5) I'm lazy.

Surprisingly enough there weren't any flames. Yet.

I am surprised at how ooc I'm starting to make Ruby and Zim but that'll be fixed in the next chapter when I don't have to make a plot with obvious plotholes.

What disturbed me is how ic MAY is. I don't like it...

Oh and on another note, I'll give a cookie to anyone who can guess who the first disguise in the first chapter is based off of. You know, the one described as ugly?

Did I mention I'm lazy?


	3. Chapter 3

I'll match your cookie with another cookie on the bet that you are the one known as 'too ugly', as a homage to Jhonen. ELVES! MORE COOKIES!  
Sorry, it's been a long day. Good story so far! - avatarjk137

You're right. I give you many cookies! The whole too ugly thing came cause I'm an unoriginal, line-stealing jerk.

That line was originally said be my brother.

Originally I was gonna have the first disguise be my younger sister but I decided that she wasn't cool enough to appear in my fic. Besides I was too lazy to type that the disguise was that of a seven year old. Or whatever age she happens to be now. ... Hey, I _did_ warn you that I'm lazy. And stupid. Get over it and read already!

MAY and Ruby belong to themselves. Zim belongs to a person better then me. Need I continue?

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Ruby sighed as she thought about what a huge mess she got into. Crash landing on the wrong side of the galaxy, being completely stranded on a strange planet, and getting dragged into some sort of poorly structured educational building.

"Class, today we have two students joining our miserable student body." Mrs. Bitters growled. Ruby raised an eyebrow. Two? She looked to her left and there stood... she gasped.

"Der?" A kid with green skin, wearing a tie-dye shirt, jeans, and a pair of platform boots raised an invisible eyebrow behind a pair of purpled colored, round glasses. The kid looked like she walked straight out of the 70's except for the fact that her skin was green and she was missing a nose and ears. It was really a wonder the glasses stayed on until you noticed they were taped to the side of her head.

"Introduce yourselves." Mrs Bitters ordered the children. The hippie nudged Ruby making it obvious who was going first.

"Hi. I'm Ruby." The Irken said and was greeted with silence. "Er... that's all, really."

"Greetings human worm, hatchlings." The hippie said. "My name is Der. I have been sent by your Canadian emperor ruler to take a survey."

"But we're Americans. We have nothing to do with Canada. And Canada isn't even an empire." Dib pointed out.

"SILENCE!" Der screamed at Dib. "Anyways I want you to raise your hand if you've seen a large space object fall onto your inferior planet."

Ruby raised her hand and glanced around. Five other children raised their hands, including Zim and this Dib person that corrected Der.

"Very good human beastlings." Der praised the humans and took out a pencil and pad. "Now would any of you happen to have seen the space object in question in the past 24 hours?"

Two children's hands went down.

"Very, very good." Der muttered, scribbling something in her pad. "Would you happen to own the said space stuff?"

Ruby watched as Zim and Dib put their hands down. She was the only one with her hand remaining. Der glanced at her before scribbling in her pad.

"Wonderful. Thank you for helping your stupid Roman Monarchy. We very much appreciate it." Der said starting to walk to the door before being stopped by Mrs. Bitters.

"Sit down." Der blinked.

"But I must give the results of the filthy human survey to your Japanese Czar controller." Der said innocently. Mrs. Bitters hissed. "Or I could sit down." Der walked back next to Ruby and looked at the classroom. "Oh my. Seems you have a seat shortage on this planet. I shall leave for the greater good of-" Two kids in the last row of the class fell to their doom in the underground classroom. "Earth... how convenient."

Ruby and Der took the seats in the back as Mrs. Bitters started a lecture on doom. Through out the class Der continuously stole glances at Ruby and scribbled in her pad. Ruby shifted in her seat uncomfortably. It was weird having a former acquaintance observe you like that.

"Hey, Der." Ruby whispered. Der looked up from her notes and stared at Ruby.

"Yes?" Der asked slightly annoyed.

"What are you doing on Earth?" Ruby asked and Der jumped.

"Same as you- er -us humans do on Earth. Yes I love being _human_. I am certainly not an alien." Der growled back softly, her eyes darting around the room trying not to look suspicious.

"It's me Ruby-"

"Yes, human. I know your name." Der stated, bored of the conversation.

"Invader Ruby." Der stiffened and stared at Ruby.

"You... your... you made it? You're really an invader." Der said flabbergasted. Ruby smiled and nodded. Der stared in awe and wonder and then seemed to realize something and scowled.

"Sorry, human. I have no idea what you're talking about." Der snarled in a whisper. Ruby frowned.

"I'm Irken you idiot. I used a hologram to disguise myself. And let me say that you don't look the least bit human."

Der was taken back. "It works well enough." She mumbled softly. "So you quit your other job as a sc-"

"Don't even mention that." Ruby moaned. "I hated it so much. Beside remember the last accident."

"Ah yes. The poor fellow's guts were everywhere. Quite a job cleaning that one up." Der said scratching her chin. She stared at the ceiling, fondly remembering the scene.

"You still with the space patrol?"

"Yes. Not chasing pirates or rebels anymore though. Got demoted." Der said bitterly.

"To what?"

"Crash inspector. That's why I'm here." Der said dully. "I'll assume you crashed?"

"Yeah."

"Well then. This should go rather smoothly. Let's talk business when we're father away from the humans." Der said before sitting back in her chair and doodling on the desk.

Ruby smiled. With Der here things were going to get better. Hopefully.

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Yay. Another chapter with another character! And what was Ruby before being an invader? Only me and my pals know!

We'll be introducing more characters in the up coming chapters that will be tributes to my friends. Well more like things to annoy them then tributes but you get the idea.

Any flames or reviews are welcome and if you would like to make an appearance (which I have no idea why you would. I sure as heck wouldn't!) I'd suggest telling me now before I actually have a plot to follow.


	4. Chapter 4

Zim belongs to a person better then me. MAY and Ruby belong to themselves and Der is actually just a convenient plot device created by myself with the mixed personalities of many different people I don't care to name.

ICR is yet another friend of mine who I felt needed to be in this story. Oh and Kloof belongs to Avatarjk137.THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME!!!!!

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The bell rang and Mrs. Bitters grudgingly dismissed the students to lunch, muttering about doom. Ruby and Der left the room, blissfully unaware that a certain big-headed human boy had been listening in on their conversation the entire class. Well he'd been trying to but it's was hard considering the fact they were all the way in the back of the room so he only heard small little bits of the conversation. Enough to jump to conclusion he would have probably jumped to anyways.

"So they're aliens too. This is bad. Three Irkens against Earth's sole protector." Dib muttered to himself. "There's only one person who can help me." He pulled out a lab top and started to write distress message to the only person in the galaxy that could help him save the planet.

---

Somewhere in the deep reaches of outer space a certain cyborg, traitorous Irken hear a beep in his air craft.

"You got mail." A computer voice said monotonously.

"From who?" Kloof asked calmly.

"Dib of Earth."

"Agian?" Kloof said, slightly annoyed.

"Yes." Kloof sighed.

"What does it say?"

---

"So how exactly did you get demoted?" Ruby asked Der as they sat down at a relatively empty table in the cafeteria.

"Chief said that my skills were 'beginning to slip' or something and that I should take an easier job." Der replied cheerfully. But Ruby knew that she was more hurt then she acted.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. I needed a break from pirate chasing is all. I'll be back fighting fights against the Resisty in no time." Der said flashing a smile, but Ruby knew better. Der went back to facing her food and there was a moment of silence. That soon past to minutes.

"Der?" Ruby asked worried. Her friend didn't answer.

"Der what's wrong?" She grabbed Der's shoulder and shook her lightly. Then gasped in horror as she found her friend to be limp as a rag doll. "DER!"

Suddenly a object crashed through the window screaming insanities at the top of it's lungs. It ran over to Ruby and Der and stopped, just standing there dumbly. Ruby stared at the little creature, immediately recognizing it as a robot wearing what appeared to be a orange frog suit.

"MASTAH, REBOOT!!!!" It screamed and slammed it's fist happily into Der back and Der screamed in panic.

"Der! You're okay!" Ruby said amazed. She looked at the robot agian humming happily to itself. "But what-?"

"ICR reporting for duty, sir!" The robot said saluting to Der.

"Oh. Hey ICR. What happened?" Der mumbled, rubbing her forehead.

"You shut off agian, sir!" ICR reported before letting her arms drop by its side and giggling.

"Oh. Okay then. How's information retrieval going?" Der said, standing up and brushing invisible dust off her hippie outfit.

"I like frogs." The robot chirped.

"I'm sure you do."

"You... shut off?" Ruby asked staring at her friend. Der shifted and then chuckled quietly.

"Er... yeah. It happens sometimes. That's why Chief got me the ICR unit. It reboots me without fail." Der said gesturing towards the robot, who waved merrily at Ruby. "No biggie."

"No biggie!?! If your Pak was off for ten minutes you would be...!-"

"Dead?" Der finished simply.

"Yeah... you'd be dead."

"Well that's why ICR is here. She can also retrieve information for me and can fight a little, though most importantly of course she turns me back on." Der said happily.

"What does ICR even stand for?" Ruby asked annoyed.

"I... can't recall..." Der said scratching her chin.

"You don't remember?"

"No I can't recall."

"Right. You forgot."  
"NO!!! I. Can't. Recall." Ruby blinked.

"That's what I'm... oh never mind!" Ruby said angrily.

At that moment the bell rang and Ruby and Der went off to class. Der turned around before leaving the room though.

"Don't forget to yell 'Ribbit' or the humans will get suspicious!"

"Right Sir!!!"

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Well now for everyone but Avatarjk137 to ponder as to why Der shuts off like that. And what was the message Dib sent to Kloof? What horrors will appear in the next chapter? And why am I speaking in questions?

Review and you might find out!


	5. Chapter 5

Zim is not mine. MAY, Ruby, and ICR belong to themselves. Kloof and Domm belongs to avatarjk137. Der belongs to me. And the giant squid of doom most certainly belongs to the government or something.

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Ruby was in her seat by the time Der entered the room. As Der went to sit at the back of the room a big headed human got in her way.

"I know what you are." He said threateningly. Der paused.

"Er... what am I?"

"An alien! You are an alien!!!" Dib yelled.

"I am?" Der blinked.

"Well...yeah. You are." Dib answered.

"Oh... okay then." Der answered and tried to get around him. But Dib once agian blocked her.

"I know what you're planning."

"What am I-"

"Don't play stupid with me!" Dib snapped. "I know you're trying to take over Earth with Zim!" He pointed a accusing finger at Zim who scowled.

"Stupid Dib-stink. I love Earth." Zim replied and Dib growled. Der raised a nonexistent eyebrow.

"Er... can I go to my seat now?" Dib looked back at Der who stood at the front of class rather confused.

"Fine. But when my friend gets here he'll make sure that you'll never think of helping Zim agian." Der blinked.

"Mmmkay." She walked down the aisle and took her seat.

"What was that about?" Ruby asked her. Der blinked.

"What was what about?" Der asked confused.

Ruby sighed as the bell rang. She'd ask the kid later.

-----

The bell rang and Mrs. Bitters dismissed the kids from skool muttering things about doom. Ruby and Der got out of their seats and walked over to Dib.

"Hi human youngling." Der said happily. Dib was slightly taken back.

"Two against one is no fair!"

"Two against one? Since when were we fighting?" Ruby asked.

Dib growled. "I'm not that bad at fighting!" Der chuckled.

"He's a funny human thing." Der giggled pointing at Dib. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

"Stop that! I'm not funny." Dib yelled.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

Ruby sighed and looked out the window to noticed a ship flying in the sky. It definitely didn't look Earthen. Dib looked as well and smirked.

"Now this fight is more then fair!" He said triumphantly. Der blinked.

"What fight?" Der asked confused. "Who are you." She pointed an accusing finger at Dib. She suddenly noticed the space ship in the sky. "MY JOB!!!!" She ran in the direction the ship was headed.

"DER!!!" Ruby yelled chasing after the less sane Irken, leaving Dib behind.

"Hey wait up!"

----

Der kept running until she was finally in front of the rather un-crashed ship called the Mania MK III. By this point Ruby was far behind the hippie after Der decided roof jumping was a fine idea for travel.

"Yay. I'm not gonna be fired! I'm so happy I could cry if it didn't involve burning my flesh!" Der cried out joyously. Then she straightened. "But this is a no landing planet. I'm gonna have to give this guy a ticket." She walked up to the ship and knocked on the side several times. "Hello? Heeeellllllllllllooooooooo? Hey! Any one in there?"

The hood of the Mania MK III opened up and an Iken stepped out. This was no normal Irken, however, for it was Kloof the only traitor to the Irken empire and any normal Irken would run in fear at a mere glimpse of him. Unfortunately Der wasn't exactly normal.

"Hey! This is a no landing planet! You can't land here!" Der yelled. Kloof just ignored her and started walking forward. His plan was to get to Dib's house and make a plan of action with Dib there. But Der had other ideas.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!" Der yelled as she walked next to Kloof. Kloof made quite a show of ignoring her but one can only stand Der continuous hey-ing for so long.

"WHAT?!" Kloof yelled spinning around and facing Der.

"This planet is a no parking planet. You gotta get off." There was a pause. "You gotta leave or I'll give you a ticket."

"Since when?" Kloof asked skeptically.

"Since the dangers of running into Zim apparently. The Tallest don't wanna get sued and the insurance companies refuse to pay for his damages any more."

"Don't worry, I won't take legal action if he takes my head off or something" Kloof said and started walking agian. Der followed.

"I'm sorry sir, but you gotta get off the planet." Der said a bit more urgently.

"Just _try_ and make me." Kloof said.

Der frowned at this statement and pulled out her laser pistol which she hid in her back pocket. "Don't make me use force sir!"

Kloof did a double-take and started to laugh. Der unaffected by the laughing walked up to the outlaw and prodded him with the end of the gun. "You gotta leave."

"Here, now it's a sawed-off" Kloof said as he pulled out a sword and chopped the tip off. Der studied the tip of the gun and was on the verge of screaming in anger.

"Hey come on! I already got demoted this month! Gimme a break!" She yelled waving her arms and ruined gun around angrily.

"Oh, that's really too bad. I'll be gone soon, really." Kloof commented as he continued walking to Dib's house.

"No! I gotta make you leave now! Space patrol will get all angry!!!" Der cried out in frustration chasing him. Then she paused and stared at Kloof. "Hey wait! Do I know you?"

"Space patrol can bite my..." Kloof mumbled before answering Der."Why no, you don't."

"I don't?" Der asked scratching her chin. "Funny. I thought I used to get shot down by a guy like you all the time. The others said I was cannon fodder but I still don't know what that means."

"Feh. I shot the others down too..." Kloof said. Der lifted an eyebrow. "I mean it must've been some coincidence."

"You shot people down?" Der asked somewhat horrified and confused.

"Uh... yeah! In Invader training!" Kloof replied. Der found this answer acceptable and dropped her guard agian. "Hey... your made of metal!"

"Yes. Yes I am." Kloof stated simply. They continued to walk in silence for another minute.

"Wait. I was doing something..." Der mumbled to herself before remembering her job agian. "Oh right! You gotta leave."

"Uh, no I don't."

"Yes you do silly."

"I told you, I'll be quick about it. You leave me alone and I can leave faster" Kloof said getting annoyed at the crash inspector's persistence.

"Fine. I'm gonna have to call back up." Der growled and pulled out a phone. Kloof spun around immediately. Der might be a mild annoyance but a bunch of Irken from space patrol could be a problem.

"NO! NO! NO! You don't wanna do that!" Kloof yelled. He grabbed the phone and threw it as hard as he could against the sidewalk. Unfortunately Der had been give a near indestructible phone by chief due to the fact that she managed to break ten regular phones in one week.

Der picked the phone up and opened it, dialing the number 95364-01138-0475-7 hoping to contact space patrol. "Come on answer..."

"Dommination Industries. How may I help destroy those you hate?" A voice on the other side of the phone said. Der blinked.

"Dommination Industries? I thought this was space patrol headquarter!" Der said in surprise.

"No, their number is 95364-01138-0475-_3_. You got it wrong" Domm said.

"Ah... I see. Sorry about that." Der said.

"We're a bounty hunting agency." Domm said.

"You are huh?"

"Yep. Anybody you want dead or captured or beaten?"

"What do you charge?"

"That depends. Could be 2000 monies, but most of the time it's a bit more expensive."

"2000? Damn. Most of mine is at home. Maybe another day...if I can find my house..."

"Okay, don't hesitate to call if you want revenge or something and have the money."

"Mmmkay. Bye." Der shut her phone off and looked up.

"Now what was I doing?" Der mumbled to herself as she looked around at an empty street. By this time however Kloof had reached Dib's house and left Der to herself.

"I have a feeling my job is at stake."

---

Ruby and Dib reached the space ship. Ruby looked around the ship for her friend.

"Der? Der where are you?!" She yelled and the sighed. "Great. She's gone."

"See this ship?" Dib asked Ruby. "It means help has arrived. You invaders are gonna have to fight me and Kloof is you want to take over Earth."

Ruby paled. "K-kloof?" Then realization hit her. "Oh no! Der is all by herself pestering the only traitor of the Irken empire."

"You'll never win invader!" Dib yelled at Ruby. Ruby spun around.

"I'm not here to invade this planet! I crashed her by accident! And Der is here because she's a crash inspector! We're not here to fight anyone!" Ruby yelled, now in panic.

"Your... not?" Dib asked.

"No."

"Oh..." Dib said, taken back. "My bad."

"Help me find Der and we'll call it even." Ruby replied.

"Sure. Where do we start looking?" Dib asked.

"Er..." Ruby looked around. "I donno."

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Quite a chapter eh? To answer the question TallestCora asked, as to why Kloof is Dib's friend the best way to explain is "The enemy of my enemy is my bestest friend." Or something. :P

The Kloof/Der conversation was actually taken from a AIM conversation, so avatarjk137 also gets credit for Kloof's and Domm's lines.

And now Der is lost. Won't this be fun?

Read and review people. And flame. Flames are nice, I guess. Would certainly help with the competition.


	6. Filler of Doom

Zim is not mine, but guess what people? I OWN MAY AND ICR!!!!! Well, I own the characters Might Attack You and ICR, anyways because I bought it from the real MAY and ICR for 25 cents each. EACH PEOPLE! THAT'S HALF A DOLLAR! Now to get Ruby from her alter ego... Anyways Der is mine as well.

FILLER CHAPTER #1!!!! (cause knowing me there'll be another)

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"What do you mean this is a filler chapter?" A certian hippie disguised character asked in confusion. The human she was talking to grabbed and yanked at its own brown, curly hair.

"For the love of- Don't break the fourth wall Der!!!" The female human cried in fustration. Her dull green eyes narrowed as the human's temper rose and Der shifted nevously.

"Why are you even talking to me? WHO ARE YOU?" Der yelled back at the human, red eyes glaring in suspision.

"REDS! For the sake of Irk! I. AM. REDS!!!" The author screamed in anger. "How stupid are you to forget my name after I told you twelve times in one minute?!?"

Der blinked. "I... can't recall... wait! Who are you?"

"I give up!" The human yelled, throwing her hands up. "I can't keep this up! I have an English essay! AN ESSAY! I can barely write those without fics hanging over my head like an old dead goose!"

"You killed a goose?!"

"No! Don't be stupid!" Reds cried out. "Look! Just stand there and do nothing for a couple of more days! I'l update soon enough! I promise!"

"Just like ToTaL iNSaNiTy?" Der asked skeptically.

"Look that's different. Rewriting that thing is freakin' boring, mmkay?" Reds retourted, crossing her arms.  
"Your just lazy."

"At least I'm not a screwed up science experiment gone stupid."

Der's eyes now narrowed in anger. "Ok. Shut up now."

"Fine. Besides, I gotta write the essay. See you later." The author vanished in thin air. Der sighed as she leaned agianst a stop sign.

"Well this stinks."

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Ah... poor abused ToTaL iNSaNiTy, my Sonic fic from last century. Sad to say but it just plain stinks and guess who's to blame? Little 11 year old Reds.

Anywho, it looks like Der knows what's really going on in this chapter. But she also seems legaly insane. And do I see a hint of forshadowing as to why she's stupid? I think I do.

Sorry for the short chapter but I have been busy and no one reviewed last chapter. More reviews biggier chapters hopefully.

Suggestions for plot and characters are welcome cause this is to poke fun at everything as usual.


	7. Chapter 6

I don't own Zim. I own Der, ICR, and MAY. I kinda own Ruby now but not completely, because the real "Ruby" still wants some claim to her. And Kloof belongs to the awesome Avatarjk137.

And before I forget I also own Chief! Now read stuff or I'll stop writing.

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Der sighed as walked aimlessly forward. "I was talking to someone... I swear. Then ..." Der stopped and scratched her chin. "Then... ARG!!!" She slapped herself several times in the face. "I gotta recall. I'm not forgetting stuff. Just can't recall...what was I talking about?"

Der blinked. "For the love of Irk... why can't I ever recollect stuff!!!" She walked forward. "It could be CAIB... no. Ruby might not be great at her work anymore but she woulda _never_ put something harmful in my pak... wait what was I talking about?" Der scowled. "I wish I wasn't defective. Maybe I'd remember stuff if I wasn't defective. Maybe I'd still chase pirates... Where am I?"

Der stopped walking and looked around. "Lost agian. I wish I remembered the planet's lay out better. I don't remember Irk having a city like this." She blinked. "Why isn't anyone around? Was there an attack agian? Did Zim get a giant battle suit? Why am I talking to myself?" She looked down at her phone. "Maybe I should call Chief."

Der opened the phone and dialed her friend's phone. She stood in silence as the other side of the conversation answered. "Hello?"

"Hey Chief!"

"Der?" A voice on the other end of the phone asked. "Is that you? You haven't reported back in three days. I was starting to think you got killed."

"Er... I forgot where headquarters was." Der said sheepishly. "But I'm dealing with a crash on Irk!"

"Irk?" Chief asked. "But this call is from out side of the empire. _Waaaay_ out side of the empire. You sure your on Irk?"

"Ehh...heh." Der mumbled. She glanced around. "Maybe it's the Amphrose moon base?"

"Further then that."

"Hmmmmmm..." Der mumbled. "Isn't this a predicament? I'll just ask someone."

"No! Bad Der!" Chief quickly snapped. "They'll panic and think we're invading. Or if your on a planet with an invader, and the natives will find them."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Der said into the phone in realization. "Can you trace my call?"

"Let's see..." Der heard clicking and beeping on the other end of the phone. "Earth. Wait, isn't that-?"

"The planet the defect Zim was sent to? Yeah." Der said. "But why would space patrol send me there?"

"You landed there on your own Der." Said the annoyed voice of Cheif.

"I did? Why would I do that?"

"You said something about a crash?" Der blinked.

"I did? OH YEAH! I did. I didn't get details on it though. But I'll report back as soon as possible and everything will be okiedokie. See ya!" Der quickly shut the phone off and marched forward then stopped. "Wait, where-? Oh duh."

She re-dialed Chief.

"Hey Chief?"

"Yes, Der?"

"I'm lost." Der whined into the phone. Chief sighed.

"I'll send back up. Don't leave the planet."

"Okieday!" She hung up agian smiling happily. Then frowned finally remembering what she had forgotten. "Wait! I gotta make him leave the planet! Or I'll get demoted!_ Agian_!" With that Der dashed off, having no idea where she was going. Before falling over limp.

-------------

Yes. His name really is Chief. Der is defective. Yay for defects. What is CAIB? Only my closest pals know. So hah. Mail me so I can have more all knowing friends.

Agian another short chapter with only Der in it. Sorry. But I can't think of any new stuff.

Suggestions? Want character to show up? Review now or suffer. Or flame me. I like flames.


	8. Chapter 7

I don't own Zim. I own May, ICR, and Der. And kinda Ruby, though the "real Ruby" owns her too. And Kloof is the wonderful Avatarjk137's.

And a moose owns humanity. Go figure. Anyway READ!

---------------

"What do you mean you don't know where to start looking?" Dib asked.

"Well, Der has an unbelievably short attention span." Ruby said. "And she often forgets what she should be doing."

"So she's stupid?" Dib asked bluntly.

"No." Ruby growled. "She was one of the smartest Irken warrior recruits of her time! It's just..." Ruby hesitated.

"What?"

"She forgets things easily now." Ruby finished carefully. Dib raised an eyebrow.

"Der has amnesia?" He asked skeptically.

"No... not exactly." Ruby said, rubbing at the holographic nose. "You see... she has a prototype program in her PAK... and it glitches sometimes. And she's been deduced to something she should never had been."

"You mean they just put dangerous programs into random Irkens to test how well it works out?" Dib asked.

"No! Der volunteered. And CAIB was tested for decades before the field test. No one knows why it screwed up! It just-" Ruby stopped and let her eyes drop to the ground. "Nothing. Never mind. Let's find Der now."

"Yeah." Dib sighed. "Back to looking for the needle in the hey stack." Suddenly Ruby got an idea.

"Would you know where Kloof is going?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, my house. Why?" Dib answered.

"Der probably would have followed him, at least for a while. Mabey he has an idea of where she got to!" Ruby said.

"Good idea. Let's go." And with that Dib and Ruby raced off to Dib's house.

---

Der sat up, dizzy. "Ow my head..."

"Mastah is awake now. Yay!" Der looked up to see ICR running around in circles around her.

"ICR report! What just happened?"

"You shut off agian, Sir!" ICR said, stopping in place and saluting.

"Agian? This is bad. Didn't I shut off recently before this?"

"Yeah." ICR responded, returning to crazy mode.

"When?"

"Couple of hour ago."

"Damn. The glitches are getting worse. At least I have an Irken Comatose Recovery unit but still..." Der mumbled. Then she looked at ICR. "ICR! Identify and lock on to closest Irken PAK signal."

"Yes, SIR!" ICR said, back in duty mode. At device much like a mix between a car antenna and a toaster popped out of its head and started buzzing. Der nodded in approval and waited for ICR to finish the task.

"You know, its kinda weird that you call me sir, cause I'm a chick." Der mumbled more to herself then ICR. "Do you even realize I'm female?"

"Signal locked on!" ICR shouted, bring the Irken inspector back from her musings. The device disappeared back into the little robot's head.

"Good. Bring me to it." Der ordered.

"Yes, Sir!" ICR shouted and grabbed on to Der's hand and preceded to lead her to whom ever the signal was coming from.

-------------

Yay. I had trouble with the Dib and Ruby scene so I'm kinda proud of it. Der is so fun to write. Most idiots are, but still. And I betcha didn't see that coming! Irken Comatose Recovery unit is what ICR really stands for.

And now you've learned more about CAIB! Feel good about yourselves, ok?

Now who has ICR found on the radar thing? ONLY I KNOW! MUHAHAHAHA!

Now, as a side note, I am rather disappointed in how this fic is going so if I discontinue it don't be surprised. I have another fiction with just as many chapters that has six times as many reader. SIX FRIGGING TIMES. At least 100 people have view each of its chapter and guess what? I'm luck if 30 people read a chapter of this. Am I doing something wrong? Is there a reason people aren't reading this? Should I just stop? Am I asking too many questions? Only reviewers can tell me.

Reviews and what not are nice. As are suggestions, character invites, an actual plot and something entertaining to read.


	9. Chapter 8

Zim ain't mine. Kloof is Avatarjk137. They are both awesome, so go read the fic _Dommination Industries_. I own MAY, ICR, and Der. Ruby is mostly the real Ruby's. And may I add I should never write when in my daily depression stage. Always eat some sugar first, mmmyep.

-----------

Der tilted her head as she looked at the building in front of her. "ICR are you sure that this is where the nearest Irken is? This place looks to human."

ICR nodded and then knocked on the door of a green house, the door itself baring the symbol of a human male bathroom sign. In moments the door swung open to reveal a green dog.

"Hello." GIR said happily. Behind him MAY glanced up.

"May I kill them for you?" The duty mode robot asked. GIR took a second to think.

"No..." GIR said finally. Der took a look at ICR.

"Why are we here?" She asked.

"WHERE'S YA MASTAH?!?" ICR yelled at GIR happily.

"Working on stuff!!!" GIR yelled back.

"Can we see him or her?" Der asked.

"OK!" GIR yelled and dragged the two inside.

---

Dib opened the door to his house. "Gaz, I'm home. Is Kloof here?"

"Yes. I am." Answered Kloof from the couch. "You wanted me to help with two new Irken Invaders?"

Ruby stiffened. As would most Irkens considering Kloof was the best of the Resisty and fighting him was a sure fire way to get killed.

Dib chuckled nervously. "Yeah... well actually... it's a funny story really..."

Kloof walked over annoyed. "What?"

"One of them just crashed here and the other is from space patrol." Dib said.

"Yeah. That one was a real pain." Kloof said.

"You saw Der!?" Ruby asked half of her voice filled with happiness and the other half filled with worry of how he ditched her.

"Well I don't know if it was Der." Kloof answered. "But it was a badly disguised Irken that wouldn't stop bugging me about illegal parking."

Dib and Ruby looked at each other. "That's Der alright." Ruby said.

"Do you know where she is?" Dib asked.

Kloof shrugged. "I left her while she was talking on the phone."

Ruby sighed. "Great. At this rate it will be years before we find her."

"Who's she?" Kloof asked Dib pointing at Ruby.

"That's Ruby." Dib answered. "The Irken that crashed."

"H-hi." Ruby mumbled.

"Hello." Kloof replied.

There was a moment of awkward silence in which one could imagine the author shouting several curses for lack of creativity and pink lemonade (with added sugar. Lots of it.)

"Er... we should find Der." Ruby said to Dib.

"I'll come too." Offered Kloof.

"Um... thanks." Ruby said.

"Your welcome. Where should we start looking?"

"Well..." Ruby thought for a moment. "I could have MAY scan for PAK signals... but first I'd have to find her..."

"Oh joy. We've reached a dead end agian." Dib stated dryly.

------------

Ha ha. Jokes on you and me. Late April Fools or something. I'm not ending it yet. But one must always remember sugar comes before writing. Cause otherwise you start writing depressing stuff and feeling unloved and whatnot. Yes. I need more sugar.

Anywho, we see MAY agian and her violent tendencies. And Kloof is actually in the chapter. Yay. We're gonna see Zim cause we really haven't. And excuse me and my horrible GIR writing. I'm not used to using him much.

God, is it just me or are there way too many OCs? Ah well, they seem to be funner to write. Yay OCs. Maybe I'll just quit using cannons all together... nah.

Anywho suggestion and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill already, don't ya? REVIEW!!!!!!


	10. Chapter 9

Zim ain't mine and I highly doubt ever will be. Kloof is Avatarjk137's. I own MAY, ICR, and Der. Ruby is owned mostly by the real Ruby, but is also mine.

Yay for owning stuff!

-------------

Der walked out of the elevator. "That was weird AND unsanitary. AT THE SAME TIME!" She screamed, before looking around.

"Hello? Anyone home?" She asked walking down a twisted path, in between parts of machinery. She was rather alone since ICR seemed more inclined to watch TV with other robots then to help its often confused master find her way in a lab.

"Who's there!?!" A voice yelled behind her. She whipped around.

"I'm Der. Um... are you Irken?" She asked a rather inanimate object behind her. A hand tapped her shoulder and she looked to her side.

"Yes. I AM ZIM!" Our favorite Earth conquering-wannabe Irken yelled at the top of his lungs. "Why are you here?"

"Well..." Der paused and scratched her chin. "Heh. Oppies. I can't recall agian. I often find myself in this kinda situation don't I?" She asked no one in particular. Zim answered her anyways.

"I don't know! Now leave!"

"But I just got here! Or... at least I think I did." Der thought for a second before shrugging. "I donno. But I can't find the exit."

Zim pointed to the elevator. "Its over there."

"What is?"

"The exit."

"What about it?"

"Its over there?"

"What are you talking about?"

Zim growled. "THE EXIT IS OVER THERE! NOW LEAVE!!!!"

Der blinked. "Who are you?"

"I AM ZIM!!!"

"Oh." Der thought for a moment. "Oh right! I wanted to ask you if you could help me find my friend Ruby! I'm lost."

Zim blinked. "Eh? Ok."

"Yay..." Der stared at Zim for a moment. "Who are you?"

"I AM ZIM!!!!!"

---

Ruby sighed. "I can't think of anything."

Dib nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should all just split up and search for her. We'd cover more ground."

"True." Ruby agreed. "But what should we do when one of us finds her? The others won't know."

"Let's just meet up here agian at a designated time." Kloof suggested. Ruby and Dib nodded in agreement.

"How does six o'clock sound to you?" Dib asked.

"Fine by me." Ruby replied and pulled out a human watch she picked up from under her seat at skool. Apparently a crazed child had sat there a day earlier and was taken to an insane asylum only to forget their watch at their desk.

Kloof nodded. "Well lets stop wasting time here." He said.

And the three walked off in separate directions.

---

MAY giggled as the news reporter ranted about how disgusting a recent murder had been, describing in detail what mutilations murderer had done to the body and finishing by stating "It was pretty wacky."

ICR tilted its head. "Can we watch something funny now?"

"LET'S WATCH THE ANGRY MONKEY SHOW!!!!" GIR screamed. MAY and ICR screamed in agreement. And thus they did watch the Angry Monkey Show.

-------------

I hate the word wacky. Freaky is so much better. And besides. Wacky is likely to make even the sanest man pull out a gun and blast your head open.

Anywho, I have nothing to say for once. Review or I'll turn this into something disturbing like ZADR or make Zim sane or something else horrible. GOT MILK!!!!!!!!? Oh and if you can guess who the murderer was I'll give you a cookie.

... Is it just me or am I using MAY and ICR waaaaaaaaay less then I originally planned to?


	11. Chapter 10

Zim isn't mine. Der, ICR, May and, to an extent, Ruby are mine. Kloof is Avatarjk137. And CAIB is my one ingenious plot device thingy that will become clear to you eventually.

----------------

Zim and Der walked down the sidewalk.

"And that is how I plan to destroy the Dib-stink." Zim concluded his speech.

Der thought for a moment. "But considering the size of his head, wouldn't the velocity of the cannon actually miss the sun due to friction and gravitational pulls?"

Zim blinked. "YOU LIE!!!" He screamed.

"And wouldn't lava be too hot for the equipment? It would melt, considering the materials its made of."

"LIES!!!!"

Der stopped walking and looked around. "Where are we?"

"Earth, Der. We are on Earth. Now keep walking." Zim ordered for the billionith time.

"Mmmkay!" Der said and ran up next to Zim. "Earth is funny. The gravity is so low here."

"There really isn't too much of a difference compared to Irk." Zim pointed out.

"Oh..." Der mumbled. "Actually I was talking about relative to the Amphrose moon gravitational pull but if your talking about Irk, then yeah. Its about the same..."

"Amphrose moon? You've been there?" Zim asked somewhat surprised.

"Well,... yeah." Der said off handedly.

"But that's where they used to do all those freaky field tests with AIs and PAK upgrades and stuff. Its not used anymore. No one goes there." Zim pointed out.

"Well..." Der tilted her head and thought for a moment. "When was it shut down?"

"Hmmmmm..." Zim thought for a moment. "130 years ago, give or take a decade."

"Explains enough." Der said. "I had CAIB inserted 300."

"CAIB?" Zim asked.

"Nuthin." Der mumbled. Zim opened his mouth and Der panicked. "OH LOOK! FLYING MONKEYS!!!!"

"Where?!? Those cursed apes!!!!" Zim yelled ducking low and scanning the sky. Der took that moment to run off in a random direction.

---

Kloof looked at his watch, which was part of his human disguise. "Half an hour left. Might as well start heading back to Dib's house." He turned around and started walking back.

"OH LOOK! FLYING MONKEYS!!!!" Someone shouted across the street. Kloof looked up. It was Der.

"Where?!? Those cursed apes!!!!" Zim was right near her and ducked down for cover, but as he did Der started to run away.

"Might as well start chasing her." Kloof mumbled and took off after her.

---

Zim looked around. "Der? Where are you? Were you kidnaped by the flying monkeys?" No one answered. "Oh well. Might as well head home and make another plan to take over Earth." And so he did.

---

Der ran forward rather blindly, dodging pedestrians on the sidewalk and not really noting where she was going. Though considering she would forget why bother looking?

'I wonder what I'm even running for?' She thought to herself. 'Maybe it's a chase. I used to chase people. But now I don't cause I'm a friggin' crash inspector.'

"Der!" She blinked. Was someone calling her? She looked over her shoulder to see a human running after her. "Der stop running."

'A RACE!' Der ran faster. 'I'm so gonna win this. I'm not getting slow. This'll prove it. I'll be back to chasing pirates and rebels and whatnot agian! Whoohoo!'

---

Kloof cursed. 'Why is she running faster? She must of heard me and I know she saw me. Is she really this stupid?'

---

'I wonder where the finish line is.' Der thought to herself as she ran through a ally. '_You're being stupid agian._ Why, hello CAIB. Nice to know you can talk to me if you feel like it.' Der could feel CAIB roll imaginary eyes. 'You never talk. You're always just sitting around messing with my PAK functions. What kind of an AI does that? _A good one._ How is that good? _You wouldn't understand you stupid murderer._'

Der frowned as her surrounding changed from a dark ally to another street. 'You always call me that, but you know what's funny? I can never remember ever hurting anyone. I'm starting to think your just a crazy AI that wants me dead. _I erased your filthy memory so shut up._ How rude.'

"Stop running you idiot!" Der smiled.

'I'm winning! _There's no race_. Yeah. Cause I'm so winning._ No. Because there was never a race._ You mean you didn't just wipe my memory clear of one? _Nope._ Well shoot. Der stopped in her tracks.

---

Kloof ran up to Der. "What was that for!"

"What was what for?" Der asked.

"The running!!! Why were you running!!!!"

"Oh..." Der rubbed the back of her head. "Oppies. I... kinda thought we were racing."

"You thought we were racing?" Kloof asked in disbelief.

"Yeah..." Der nodded. "Um... if we're not racing what are we doing?"

"You're coming with me so that you don't get lost agian. That's what we were doing." Kloof growled in annoyance.

"Oh." Der said. '_Told you so_. Shut up.'

"Let's go." Kloof said. Der nodded and the two walked back to Dib's house.

-----------------------

SqueekyPhr33k gets a cookie for guessing Johnny. And Avatarjk137 gets a honor cookie for guessing MAY because originally I was going to have a scene with MAY and Nny talking and eventually going after Der, but it never made it into the fic. Too bad. I wrote it out and it was pretty funny. Maybe I'll add it as a random filler...

To prove Der isn't stupid, just because she can't remember much past a minute, I added the beginning part. And now we see CAIB's character for the first time. Enjoy it cause I'm not gonna write it in often. Cause writing conversations in someone's head is fairly boring.

Review, please and thank you!


	12. Chapter 11

"LMFAO!! I love Der. She's my favorite IZ OC. " -SqueekyPhr33k

Really? I don't like her too much. I think Kloof is better. And Der really was just a convenient plot device that turned out to be a really fun character to mess around with. Mmmmyep. Gonna have a trilogy with her in it... Oh shoot. You weren't supposed to hear that!

Zim isn't mine. Der is mine. And Kloof is owned by Avatarjk137. Now read...

-----------------------

Der sat on the couch next to an undisguised Kloof. He had told her that Ruby would show up in fifteen minutes. She was pleased, not so much by the fact that Ruby was coming, but she remembered this fact three minutes later. That was an accomplishment.

But Der was also fairly bored. Human TV really wasn't all it was cracked up to be and it was boring just sitting on the couch. 'I wonder if he's bored too.' She glanced over at Kloof. He looked fairly bored and seemed to be watching the TV with no interest. 'I wonder what his name-' She suddenly blinked as another thought rushed into her head.

"Bing, is that you?" The cyborg Irken next to her ignored her. Der pouted.

"Biiiiinnnnng." No response.

"Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing." He shifted in his seat slightly. Der smirked.

"HEY BING!!!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. The Irken next to her glared coldly.

"Cut that out." Der smiled stupidly. It was Bing!

"Thank Irk! I was getting bored and I was starting to think your CAIB turned off your brain so you would be all vegetable and that would be no fun." Kloof blinked.

"What?"

"What do you mean what?" Der said and frowned.

'_That's not Bing you moron. _Oh yeah? Well who is it then?"

"I think you've mistaken me for someone else." Kloof turned back to the TV and concentrated on ignoring Der.

"What does that mean!" Der yelled. Kloof didn't respond.

"BING!"

"I am not Bing." Kloof stated. Der's face went blank.

"You... not...?"

'_I told you so_.'

Der frowned. "Your just being stupid. Of course your Bing! Who else would you be!?"

"I'm Kloof."

"Kloof?" Der's eyes widened slightly.

'_He's the Irken traitor! He's a monster! Kill him! Kill him now!_ You're lying. _He just said he was!_'

"Now your being crazy." Der stated bluntly.

Kloof grunted in annoyance. Der frowned.

"Looks like your CAIB really screwed up your mind, Bing. Ruby would be so sad."

"I'm not Bing." Kloof said once agian.

'_KILL HIM!_' CAIB roared.

"Yes you are!"

"Look." Kloof turned to Der once agian. "I'm made of metal. I'm pretty sure the Bing person you speak of was not."

"Now you're being crazy." Der said. Kloof growled in frustration. "Poor, crazy Bing."

"I'm Kloof!!!!" Kloof yelled. "Kloof! Not Bing! Kloof!"

'_Kill him you stupid bi-_'

"No your not." Der persisted. "Man, CAIB really must of gotten to you, Bing. Even more then me. And its really messed me up, mmmyep."

"No kidding." Kloof said sarcastically turning back to the TV.

"Nope." Der answered, ignoring the sarcasm. "It does a whole lot of bad stuff. It wipes my memory all the time, it says mean things, it shuts me off..." she counted the things off on her fingers absent mindedly.

Kloof glanced at Der. "Really?"

"Really." Der mumbled. She stared at th TV watching a monkey on the screen. "It even..., well don't tell Ruby this, but it even seems to be destroying my hand-eye coordination, my reaction time, my intelligence... all the stuff its supposed to help with..." She sighed.

'_KILL THE TRAITOR! _Shut up, will you?'

There was silence for a moment in which the only noise was the TV and whatever CAIB was screaming in Der's head.

"Sounds... tough..." Kloof commented.

"I wish I knew where the others were." Der mumbled. "That way we could all be together at least..."

"Others?" Kloof asked.

"There were ten of us, silly." Der said to Kloof. "We just gotta find the other nine now."

"Don't you mean eight?"

"No. Nine. I'm not stupid." Der responded.

"But-"

"I was doing it to annoy you and CAIB." Der stated in a bored tone. Kloof frowned. "Friendly joke's all. No harm done, right?"

"It wasn't funny."

"Aw. You two are no fun. You gotta lighten up." Der said.

Der turned her attention back to the TV. "Humans have no sense of entertainment. Sad really."

"It is kinda pathetic. The state of this planet I mean." Kloof thought aloud.

"More so then the state of the empire?"

"Yeah. Kinda- wait a sec!" Kloof yelled.

"What?"

"You agree with me that the Empire is in a horrible state of which will eventually destroy itself?"

"Yeah. But unlike you I really don't care to put myself in danger by standing up against the form of monarchy of which our people have allowed to control them, deciding their own horrible fate as our government slowly corrupts until the point that it will divide into smaller territories and, inevitably, be conquered by neighboring galactic powers, to only exist in memory of our race and history books."

There was a moment of silence.

"Since... ya know... that's kinda what happens to Empires after a certain amount of time passes..." Der finished. Kloof stared at her.

"I'm gonna go get me some corndogs now." Der said nervously as she walked into the kitchen.

------------

... Der acts all smart and stuff. There really isn't much more to say... I, myself, am surprised... And the more I think about it the less Ruby seems like my friend every time I write. Very odd. I wonder if she'll get mad...

Character submittions are still acceptable, just email me. Suggestions are great.

Oh and before I forget, my vacation ends today. Mmmmyep. Back to working on boring stuff and updating much less. Plus I want to re-edit some of the previous chapters and submit them so they have less glaringly obvious spelling/grammar mistakes and whatnot so chapters will be preduced even less. But fear not! Filler chapters of mild entertainment will be coming your way! Short, funny, and of no importance! What more could you ask for?!

Review. Or I'll have your country be divided into smaller territories and be conquered by neighboring galactic powers. unless you're in Rhode Island. Cause its impossible to get smaller then that, ya know?


	13. Filler of Apples that I Fear

Filler of doom #2

**Warning NOT for the ****squeamish.**

MAY and ICR are mine. Apples are most likely MAY's.

-----------------------

MAY growled as ICR continued to scream about frogs. She had been at it for about three hours now and MAY was just about to kill ICR when an idea suddenly popped in her head.

"Hey ICR!" MAY yelled.

"What?" ICR asked.

"Do you know where human babies come from?"

"No..." MAY smirked.

"Der will be mad if you don't do a good job of collecting information. If you can't even tell her where humans come from... she might think about replacing you." MAY said slyly.

"OH NO! MASTER WILL REPLACE ME?!?" ICR yelled in panic.

"And put you in a garbage can. And those have germs." MAY added.

"G-germs?" ICR whimpered.

"Oh yes. Lots of germs."

ICR's eyes filled with tears of terror. "No... not germs..."

"I could tell you were humans come from and save you from your germy fate." MAY said smirking.

"PLEASE!" ICR Yelled.

---

"And that's where disgusting human babies come from." MAY finished. ICR's right eye twitched before traumatized robot fell over unconscious. MAY laughed at the other robot's misfortune and turned on the TV.

"Today three murders have occurred, all tied together by the strange way of which the murderer decided to kill the victims. All of them were slashed open with a knife and their hearts replaced with apples." A news reported said. MAY chuckled.

"I love apples."

------------------------

MAY and apples. Can't have one without the other. ICR is scared of germs. And human reproduction is just plain disgusting.

Ha ha ha. Mmmyep. I'm a jerk. But it wasn't all because of my laziness that I didn't update. Monday to Tuesday the site wouldn't take any new documents so I stopped trying by Wednesday.

But yay. It works today! Just enough to let me submit a filler cause I'm working on the nonexistent plot with now some nonexistent plot holes which you can thank for a late character from a friend. Thank you. But hey, that's what makes this thing fun to write.

... I'm so glad the real MAY isn't homicidal... yet...


	14. Chapter 12

And a break from Der and the cool characters. Just joking, mmkay? About the cool characters part. There really is no Der in this chapter. Nor comedy. OMGShoes. No comedy? That's right. This is officially RED'S ONLY SAD CHAPTER OF ANGST ever written. Hopefully.

Zim is not mine. MAY, ICR, and Der are. Ruby is kinda, but not entirely. Kloof is Avatarjk137's. CAIB is evil. Er... I mean mine. Well whatever. SAD CHAPTER OF ANGST AHOY!

----------------

Ruby sighed as she looked at her watch. It was time to be heading back to Dib's house and she still found no traces to hint as to where Der was. She had lost her friend. Agian. Ruby turned around and started to walk back.

"Agian. I wonder. How many times have I lost her before." Ruby mumbled. She remembered the first time she lost Der. Not physically but mentally.

---

"Hey." Der said in greeting.

"Hi." Ruby replied. An uncomfortable silence entered the room. It was hard to talk. The experiment was on its last legs, Der was the only one left.

"So..." Der mumbled. "You doing ok?"

"Yeah. I'm ok." Ruby answered, half to herself. "What about you?"

There was a silence.

"What about me?" Der asked, looking up at Ruby.

"How are you doing?" Ruby looked up in confusion. Is this some sort of joke?

"I'm doing fine. How about you?" Ruby blinked.

"You just asked me that." Ruby said, mildly annoyed.

"I did? But then you mustn't have answered. Cause I don't remember hearing you tell me how your doing." Der said. Ruby lifted an invisible eyebrow.

"Are you sure your doing ok?"

"Yeah..." Der looked at the ground. "I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry."

---

Ruby passed it off as nothing back then. Der was upset. Anyone would be after what she had to do. It was obvious she was just not paying attention, right? She was going to get better. No point in getting so upset.

But then why did her condition only worsen?

Ruby growled in anger. "Why? WHY? I tried so hard to fix it."

---

Der looked at Ruby, her eyes duller then usual, tears of pain streamed down her face. Her PAK was connected to a computer by a wire, with Ruby furiously typing at the keyboard.

"Can we stop? It hurts." Der whined.

"No. We can still save the experiment. Just hold on a little long. Just a little longer..." Ruby muttered. She finished typing and sent the information to Der's PAK. An anti-virus to CAIB if you could imagine. But Der yelled in pain. It wasn't working. CAIB was still there, still part of Der's mind, still malfunctioning.

"Please... please stop." Der moaned. "It hurts. CAIB can't be fixed-"

"YES IT CAN!" Ruby roared back. "I'll fix it! You'll be better! The experiment will be fixed! Everything will be alright! I just need another minute!"

---

But in the end, another minute was always out of Ruby's reach. All Ruby did was make it worse. CAIB was still there, in Der's mind, destroying her life. Ruby failed and she'd never be able to fix it. And she'd never manage to do anything right agian. She tried to move on, but every experiment was now CAIB to her, she was terrified that she'd mess up agian. Ruby tried smaller tasks, less dangerous experiments but it didn't matter. CAIB haunted her mind and nothing she did ever succeeded. They were all failures. All like CAIB.

---

"Please, my Tallest! One more chance, that's all I ask!" Ruby begged.

"CAIB is a failure, Ruby. Nothing more can be done. Move on."

"But Der! What's going to happen to-?"

"She'll be placed in the Space Patrol. She'll fly ships and take on any resistance to the Empire. Like any failed AI experiment would if they aren't too dangerous."

"But my Tallest, she can't remember a minute of conversation! She's going to get herself killed!"

"Nonsense. She'll do fine. Now get on with your next project." The screen grew blank, the transmitter shut off.

"But it's not fair! It's not fair! She'll get hurt! She'll die!" Ruby's pleas fell to deaf ears.

---

That was the first time she truly realized it was over. The first time she truly realized she lost a friend for good.

Tears fell down Ruby's face. She wasn't going to lose Der agian. She'd search the entire planet if she had to.

She walked up to Dib's house and opened the door. She saw Dib and Kloof look up from the couch. As she opened her mouth a yell from a kitchen filled the house.

"WHERE DO YOU FRIGGIN' HUMANS KEEP YOU DOGS OF COOOOORN!!!!!???"

----------------

Cause dogs of corn are just as good as corndogs. REVIEW!

Anywho, we see what Ruby was, how she and Der know each other, what Der was doing in space patrol. That kinda stuff. Boring and depressing, no? I thought so.

Dogs of corn... heh. God I love those. But seriously. If I wrote another line of sad stuff I was gonna so emo and stuff on y'all and besides. Der was fated to ruin the moment for you angst lovers.

I truthfully hate Der. I mean really. I have no idea how I came up with the background for her and then she goes and gets all the attention. Why? Because she's stupid! I don't get it! And yet it works so well. I mean really. I made her incredibly stupid after my brother commented on her appearance, "She's just like Zim, except for smart and sane. And she's a girl."

On other notes I have up to chapter 16 written. Yep. And not a new character in site so far. Which is bad cause the longer it take the worse I feel. But he will appear. As promised. God. This story is going from humor to somewhat mysterious to depressing to action to drama and then action and drama at the same time. I don't like it. And this chapter? I hate it. H.A.T.E. Mmmmyep. Well whatever. Review.


	15. Chapter 13

You know what? If you don't know who owns each character by now go back and study the other disclaimers.

--------------

"Der! You're here!" Ruby yelled running into the kitchen and hugging Der. Der squeaked in surprise.

"I am? Oh right. I am." Der stood still for a moment and waited for Ruby to get off. Which Ruby didn't. "Ruby ... I am in serious need of corn dogs."

Ruby stopped hugging her and took a step back. "No corn dogs for you. You almost got lost for good."

"I shall get my dogs of corn, Ruby. None can stop me..." Der growled menacingly before returning back to normal. "Besides, I'm unlost now so stop being all spazzed and what not."

Ruby's eyes narrowed. "Do you even know how worried I was about you?"

"Not really." Der said, turning her back on Ruby and looking in a near by cabinet. "But now you can un-worry yourself. Simple, no?"

"Der." Ruby growled. "You're... you're so childish!"

Der ejected spider legs from her PAK and opened several more cabinets. "So I am." She walked to the fridge and opened it. "Dig! Where are your stinkin' corndogs!?!"

"My name is Dib." Dib yelled from the couch. "D.I.B. Dib."

"Whatever Dab. I command you to tell me where the corndogs-" Der paused. "Oh... My... TALLEST!!!!!!"

Ruby jumped back as Der grabbed a fish from the refrigerator and ran into the living room.

"You humans!!! You EAT your dead enemies!!!!!????" Der screamed waving the fish around in front of Dib's face.

"No! That's just a fish!!!!"

"YOU EAT YOU ENEMIES???"

"No! Humans don't eat their enemies! We eat fish!!!!"

Der hugged the fish to her chest. "I am disgusted by you and your human race, Din. How could you EAT your horrible fishy foes?"

"We don't fight fish, you dumb Irken!!! We just eat them!" Dib yelled.

Der gasped. "The humans don't even give them the chance to fight back." She looked at the fish. "Poor dead fish. Ambushed and stored in the fridge until the humans decide to DEVOUR YOUR FLESH! ... I'll help you defeat the humans!!!!" She slapped Dib several times with the fish.

"Hey! Stop it!" Dib yelled, holding up his arms in an attempt to avoid being slapped in the face.

"Der quit it!" Ruby ordered as she walked into the room. Der looked at Dib, then the fish, then Ruby, and finally the fish agian. An evil grin spread across her face.

"YOU TOO ARE AGAINST THE FISH!!!!!" Der screamed and ran at Ruby, slapping her with the fish.

"DER STOP IT!" Ruby yelled.

"NEVER!!!" Der slapped Ruby a couple of times then stopped as Ruby brought out her spider legs. "Alright, alright. Jeeze..." She glanced at Kloof.

"Think about it and I'll slice you in two." Kloof stated calmly. Der pouted.

"No fun." Der's spider legs came fourth and took the fish, storing it in her PAK for later use. "I want a corndog now..." She whined.

"And agian with the corndog!" Dib sighed. "Is that all you think about?"

"I usually don't think." Der stated cheerfully. "CAIB usually wipes my mind so much that- OH MY TALLEST! I distracted CAIB long enough for it to forget about memory wipe-!" Der's face changed from the expression of shock, to joy, to being slapped in the face with a fish. "... what was I talking about?"

Ruby sighed. "Nothing Der. You were talking about nothing."

"So I was, was I?" Der said and scratched her chin. She looked over at Kloof. "Hey are you-"

"I am Kloof." Kloof said before Der could question his identity any further.

"Oh..." Der said somewhat sad. Then she cheered up. "I know you!"

Ruby's eyes widened in surprise. It wasn't often Der remembered people she just met.

"No you don't." Kloof stated.

"But-"

"No."

There was a moment of silence where Der thought long and hard.

"Your name's funny. I'm gonna say it randomly." Der stated. "Kloof! Kloof! Kloooooooooooooooooooof!"

"Stop it." Kloof growled. "My name isn't funny."

"Klooooooooooo-" Der stopped suddenly and fell over.

"Finally." Kloof said. The three slightly more sane beings watched Der lay on the floor for a minute.

"Der... you can get up now." Ruby said. No response. "Der... you shut off agian didn't you?" Nothing. "Yeah. You shut off." Ruby picked Der up off the floor and sat her on the couch.

"Now what?" Dib asked.

"Well... her ICR unit slapped on the back last time. Maybe it will work agian." Ruby hit Der's PAK but Der didn't get up.

"Well that didn't work." Kloof stated the obvious.

"Maybe we should wait for ICR to show up." Ruby muttered, worried.

"Seems like as good an idea as any." Dib said. And the three just kinda... sat around and watched TV, anxiously awaiting the appearance of ICR.

---

ICR's eyes flashed red in duty mode. "Master's in trouble!"

Suddenly the TV announcer guy's voice screamed, "And now back to the Senceless Violent Entertainment Show!"

ICR's eyes returned to their normal purple color, as it looked between the door and the TV several times before screaming in frustration. Then she sat down and stared at the TV with the two other robots.

"Mastah can wait a bit."

-----------------

Which is why I, more often then not, don't watch TV. Tends to be stupid and boring.

Do NOT ask what was up with the fish. I just thought the line "fishy foe" was funny so I put it in there. I actually hate fish. And on another note saying "Kloof" is kinda fun in a stupid way.

And ICR isn't coming to the rescue. Things seem to be getting from bad to worse, eh? Don't worry. I can't kill her or there'll be HUGE plot holes in my other story _Misadvenutres of the Future Dib Robot_, which takes place after Ruby leaves. Chapter one is up but I'm planning to finish this before posting more.

And the new character thing? No. Chief isn't new. I mentioned him before. The only thing he is, is a lame minor OC. No the new character is a requested character who just isn't fitting in the story. It really annoying.


	16. Filler from a Lazy Author

Der, ICR and MAY are mine.

-----------

Der stared at her robot. "THE HELL?!"

"That's where humans come from mastah." ICR said happily.

"I don't care what you say, human reproduction has nothing to do with fast food restaurants." Der said with certainty.

"But why else would they get all go to a place like that?" The robot whined. "They get all fat and then the babies appear out of no where!"

Der shook her head. "I'll explain human birds and bees later ICR."

"What do birds and bees got to do with anything?" The little robot asked confused.

"Nevermind. Your theory is just wrong, ok?" Der said slightly agitated.

"Its better then MAY's." ICR mumbled.

Der's eyes widened. "Ah... I though I said not to talk to her. She is really scary. And her description of the event was probably... vivid..."

ICR shuttered. "I don't like to think about it..."

Der sighed. "Anywho I need go so-"

"CAN WE PLAY A GAME!?" ICR shouted before its master finished.

Der scowled. "No. Of course not. I have very important work to... what's the game?"

"Cops and robbers."

"I'm in."

-----------

And thus, we see Der's ability to stay on track. No one likes work over games, especially reminders of a much happier past.

Fillers are not fun to write but at least I get better at character writing.

The earlier message will stay up because I don't consider fillers real chapter. They just are fillers. They fill space and time.


	17. Filler from the only other show I watch

Learn who owns who will ya?

-------------

Der stared at the screen as the credits rolled.

"So the humans get super powers because of screwed up genetics..."

'_I can't believe you're believing this. Even I must admit you're not that stupid and I don't __support__ your intelligence much.'_

Der ignored CAIB remark. "I wonder what would happen if my genetics got screwed up. Would I get the ability to warp time and space. Or maybe super regeneration. Hmmmm..."

'_Der __it's a__ TV show. Heroes. Human entertainment. You must realize none of this is real.'_

"OHHH! OHH! I KNOW! I KNOW!" Der yelled suddenly paying no attention to CAIB once agian. "I'll be able to bust on FIRE! I'll be a fire person!!!!"

'_Der-_' CAIB moaned in annoyance.

"CAIB. I know you can mess with my insides. You screw with my mind everyday. You shut me off. Heck you've even paralyzed me on occasions!!! Please! I beg you! Change. My. DNA. Structure."

There was a moment of silence where CAIB pondered the sanity, sincerity, and overall mental capabilities of its host.

'_Chances are I'll kill you_.'

"Completely worth it if I catch on fire."

---

Ruby blinked as Der ran in circles in front of her. While on fire.

"I DID IT! I DID IT!" Der scream in joy.

"Did what?" Ruby asked slightly annoyed.

"Set myself on fire with my mind."

There was a moment of silence where the flames seemingly extinguished themselves and Der walked away humming tunelessly. Ruby blinked.

"I don't even want to know."

--------------

Ideas are coming slower then usual. Action scene has gotten no where. And guess what people?

I like Heroes now. It is an awesome show. But they haven't shown my favorite power yet. SUPER SPEED! YAY!

Of course it wouldn't be half as funny if Der could move at super speed then the "hey look I can set myself on fire" trick.

On more thing. I have no idea who owns the show. So don't bug me please.


	18. Filler which I made from experience

Der is mine Ruby is Ruby's (mostly). And most of this is from an actual conversation between the me and the real Ruby

--------------

Der fidgeted as she stood on the line. "Hey, Ruby. This food looks synthetic."

Ruby looked at the cafeteria food for a moment before a kid behind her pushed her into Der agian.

"Stupid humans." Ruby muttered before brushing off nonexistent dust from her shirt. Der smiled.

"So... what're you gonna get? Personally, I'm going for synthetic food #2." Der said pointing to a hamburger. "Looks a lot more eatable then synthetic food # 1." She then pointed to what vaguely resembled turkey with gravy.

"Actually I'm gonna buy synthetic food # 3 or 4." Ruby pointed to mozzarella sticks then to onion rings.

"Ahhh... good choice. They're more expensive then daily lunches but three times less likely to give you cancer." Der commented scratching her chin.

After it was all said and done they sat down at an empty table and started to eat their food.

"I don't see how humans can stomach this stuff. I mean, they can't even turn off their taste sensors." Der said before biting into her grayish looking hamburger.

"Really. I can't believe that races with such low leveled technology like this exist." Ruby replied, eating a mozzarella stick.

"Uh huh. Remember that human kid that sat next to you, Jack or something? I heard he had to go to the hospital for eating nuclear sludge. The scary thing is that he said it tasted better then this stuff." Der commented.

"With fair judgement. I saw a machine in the back that turned yesterday's garbage into today's food." Ruby hissed, poking at her food.

"Oh ew. I did not need to hear that." Der said pushing her tray away. "Though now that you mention it, it would explain a whole lot."

"Mmmhmmm." Ruby mumbled finishing her lunch. "Thank Irk for disintegration technology."

"Yeah. Or we'd actually have to grow a tolerance for this stuff. Though just putting it in my mouth makes me feel sick." Der said scratching her stomach. "And I think my tongue is starting to rash."

"I wonder how the humans manage." The two looked over at Dib and Gaz who were looking in their direction.

"Weird little race of creatures, aren't they?"

"I guess so."

-----------------

The idea was that the food was disintegrated before it reached the stomach. Thus, they aren't poisoned by it going into their blood stream or whatever. God. It made so much more sence when it was two humans speaking the lines. Just pretend you understand, mmmkay?

And the last two quotes can either be by Dib and Gaz or Ruby and Der. So don't get on my case about that.

Chances are the real story arch won't be touched on in a while. So I'm probably gonna go into a "what if" series in this fic to have another character (from a pal) appear. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHARACTER SHOW UP NOW IS THE TIME. I won't be accepting any more original characters after I start the series. Until then enjoy some filler for the next day or three.

Oh yeah. If anyone is curious that was thursady's lunch in my school and that is what me and the real Ruby got. And there were some really pushy people on line too.

Review.


	19. Filler Questioning Human Thought

Der and ICR belongs to me

-----------

Der scratched her chin. "Interesting. So very interesting. It doesn't make much sense."

ICR looked up from the TV. "What's up master?"

"I conducted some research. The results are confusing. Apparently the humans love fictional murderers and killers, but if you bring up real ones, such as..." Der glanced at the name. "Hitler... they get all insulted. Weird, no?"

ICR blinked. "It is."

Der scratched her chin. "This is strange. I MUST CONDUCT MORE RESEARCH-... wait what was I doing."

"I dunno."

-----------

Seriously. Say you love Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and hordes of other fans will show up and chat with you about how cool he is. Yell "I LOVE HITLER" on the other hand and the FBI will be down your as- I mean butt. Yes... I DIDN'T CURSE!!!!!

I've been busy and sick. So there. My excuses. Buy them.

But I do have to say I'm disappointed with myself. I thought I'd be doing better with keeping up with updates. Instead I'm missing a million and one homework assignments. Hope I don't get summer school.


	20. Chapter 5 WHAT IF!

THE "WHAT IF" CHAPTERS BEGIN! Hahaha. Boo. Must of scared you. I've been dead so long...

Well Zim belongs to whatever the guy's name is and everyone else belongs to whoever I said a couple of chapters back. Oh. New characters who I won't mention the name of right now for the sake of annoying you, but MINISHEAR YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE! ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!

Oh wait. The "what if" begins where Der and Ruby are talking with Dib in chapter five. In this twist Der will not notice the ship which leads to the introduction of new characters. Yay?

--------------

The bell rang and Mrs. Bitters dismissed the kids from skool muttering things about doom. Ruby and Der got out of their seats and walked over to Dib.

"Hi human youngling." Der said happily. Dib was slightly taken back.

"Two against one is no fair!"

"Two against one? Since when were we fighting?" Ruby asked.

Dib growled. "I'm not that bad at fighting!" Der chuckled.

"He's a funny human thing." Der giggled pointing at Dib. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

"Stop that! I'm not funny." Dib yelled.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

Ruby sighed and looked out the window to noticed a ship flying in the sky. It definitely didn't look Earthen. Dib looked as well and smirked.

"Now this fight is more then fair!" He said triumphantly. Der blinked.

"What fight?" Der asked confused. "Who are you?" She pointed an accusing finger at Dib.

Now if Der had decided to glance out a near by window by chance, she would of noticed a piece of Irken engineering speeding through the sky at a fast pace. But being as we know how that event would turn out, for the reader's amusement the writer decided to have that chance fly out the window.

"I'm Dib. A name you'll come to fear alien scum." Dib responded smugly. Der blinked.

"Ok Bib. See ya." Der replied happily and walked out the door.

"Hey! Hey wait!" Dib yelled back at her angrily.

"Huh?"

"You're supposed to...!!" Dib fumbled for words.

"Snap back with a witty and smeet-like response?" Der offered.

"Well... yeah..." Dib mumbled.

"Eh... maybe later. Come on Ruby! I got work to do!" Der marched out of the classroom proudly before walking into a wall.

---

"So... where's your ship?" Der asked studying the burn marks on the ground.

"I... I donno." Ruby replied. "It was here before when Zim dragged me to his house."

"Hmm. How troublesome." Der mumbled. She pulled a phone out of her pocket.

"What are you doing?" Ruby asked watching her friend. Der held up a finger motioning for Ruby to stop talking.

"Hello? Yes. Yes. No don't be stupid. Yes. Now listen. I want you to come to my coordinates. Nooooo. No! Just... no. Just come straight over. Yes now! I need your assistance this moment!" Der tapped her foot impatiently.. There was a pause. "What? No. Look I don't care if you want to collect a bunch of... whatever you called those beasties. Just come now." Der hung up and sighed.

"Who was that?" Ruby asked curiously.

"Who was what?" Der asked in confusion. It was Ruby's turn to sigh. Suddenly a chorus of screams erupted from behind them as ICR shot out of the sky and landed next to them. The small robot frowned.

"I was catching frogs." It complained as Der stepped forward.

"Yes, yes. Now stand still." She mumbled dismissively as she opened ICR's head and looked through it.

"Der... what are you doing?" Ruby asked in mild annoyance. Her friend didn't listen though and submerged half her body in the robot's head before coming out with

"A camera?" Ruby asked. Der nodded and took pictures of the scotch marks.

"I keep leaving it in ICR's head." Der commented dully.

"You leave lots of stuff in my head, mastah." The robot pointed out with a bored expression. Ruby stared at the two.

"Ok then. All we need is a piece of the ship so the insurance company can... do what insurance companies do and we'll be outta here in no time." Der said merrily.

"One problem Der." Ruby said.

"Huh?"

"My ship's gone." Ruby pointed out. Der scratched her chin.

"Well what do ya know. It is." Der's eyes slipped half shut in concentration for a moment before a new idea popped into her head.

"If you have someone to pick you up, you can leave the planet." She stated.

"Can you give me a lift?" Ruby asked. Der frowned.

"Not without clearance. That can take weeks." Der answered. Ruby frowned. "Well... you can go back to my ship and call the... the... where ever I work ... and ask them for clearance. You'll get a lot of paper work though."

Ruby sighed. "Better get started then." Der nodded.

"Yeah. ICR. Take Ruby back to the ship. I'm gonna look around some more. Might of missed a screw or something laying around, ya know?" ICR grabbed Ruby's hand and dragged the Irken away babbling about frog. Der smiled. "Such a nice robot." She glanced at the ground. "Back to work I guess."

---

Der growled. "What am I doing here? Where is here? Why do I keep forgetting this stuff?" She scanned the ground bored. Suddenly she noticed a closed manhole in the street.

"Ohhh... what's this?" She walked into the middle of the street and grabbed the edges of the lid with her hand. She pulled for a good long minute before stopping.

"Hmmmmm... Tough." Der thought aloud. She scratched her head and a new idea popped into her head. Der's PAK ejected her spiderlegs which quickly pulled the lid off the manhole and allowed the curious alien to look down.

Now normally Der probably would have seen a dark tunnel with human waste flowing in dirty water with a bunch of sewer rats and sewer 'gaters and sewer flamingoes running around merrily down there in the sewer-y environment. But at that moment by complete chance (that was probably caused by a manipulation of luck from an omni point source) two figures were climbing up the ladder leading to the manhole to escape the nasty stuff down there. Now most would have probably shut the manhole and run away pretending they saw nothing. But hey, this is Der. She's bound to do something incredibly stupid.

"Hey! You're Irken!" She yelled happily to the figure closest to her.

-------------------

I've been gone. A very long time. And I'm sorry. I feel bad. It wasn't right of me to make you wait this long for a crappy chapter. But I've been having trouble writing and I'm having finals. Plus humanity in general is bugging the heck out of me.

So I finally started the promised "what if" series. I'm not sure exactly where its going but its coming along. Real pain writing this chapter. I just didn't feel like doing it.

Don't bug Minishear too much. Just a review (now a buddy) that asked for a pair of characters to join in late. Don't ask me about the characters or where to find reference to them for they are little ideas that float around randomly in Minishear's big ol' Dib sized head. Heck I had to ask a million and one questions to him/her/it/whatever to figure out their character and I'm still not pleased with the amount of knowledge I have on them. Which is why I was cheap and cut it off when they were meeting the characters.

Suggestions, comments and flames welcome. But no new characters. I'm sorry but unless you want to appear in a breif filler I've already plotted out a trilogy and the chances of it changing are really slim. But if you really feel like your character should be in this IM me. I'm Reds Owshad Dark on aim so it won't be too difficult. People who use email sorry, but I can't stand waiting day after day for a stupid reply. I don't have the patience and trust me. After dealing with it once there is NO WAY I'm gonna deal with it agian.

Now let's all bug Mini to write a darned fic so I have some reference. PLEASE MINI!!!! AN INTRO!!!! A PROLOG!!!! ANYTHING!!!!!


	21. Chapter 6 WHAT IF!

Ruby is herself's, Trace and MAX are minishear's, Der and IDK are mine. So bleh.

--

The first thought in Trace's head was somewhere along the lines of 'Crap they found me'. The next was more of a plan of how to kill the Irken standing in front of him as quickly as possible without drawing too much attention.

"Hey are you even listening? Are you mute? What's your name? Did you already tell me? Am I forgetting something? Who are you? Where are we again? Did you find that thing we were suppost to find? What were we suppost to find again?" The female Irken in front of him blabbered on in an unending series of questions that Trace didn't bother to answer. In fact after a few moments he decided that the Irken was too stupid to be bothered with. Instead he brushed of some sewage sludge from his clothes and turned to his trusted MAX-bot.

MAX looked between the two Irkens for a moment. "Master perhaps if we keep moving the lifeform will take a wrong turn and get lost?"

Trace nodded. Even though he had only gotten out of the manhole a few moments ago itw was obvious the second Irken was less then fully functioning. He started foward, passing the talkative female and continuing along his merry way.

--

And after fifteen minutes of walking with the chatty idiot in following, Trace's nerves were thoroughtly worn down.

"Where are we going? What was your name again? You have a SIR unit cool! Why are it's eye's black? Wait why did we stop? Are we here?" Der raised a nonexistant eyebrow and looked around at their current surroundings- an empty play ground in a realitively quiet part of the neighborhood- in confusion. What ever the hell they were doing, this was a strange place to be doing it.

Traced sighed and pointed at a garbage can. "Search in there." He wasn't the least bit surprised when the female saluted him and immediately started digging through the trash for something that probably wasn't there without so much as a question. He turned to MAX and the unit nodded. The two quickly left the area leaving the Irken to... to do whatever the hell it was suppost to be doing.

MAX chuckled as they left the playground. "That Irken was pretty stupid, eh master?"

--

Ruby paced around the patrol cruiser in annoyance. "Where the hell is she?"

"I dunno!" IDK announced happily, obviously unconcerned with where her unstable master was. Ruby blinked. 'Wait... an IDK unit? Didn't those become obsolete years ago?' Grabbing the communication device she quickly tapped in a series of numbers. It wouldn't be long before the ex-scientist had a looooong talk with a grumpy, unhelpful techie that would eventually inform her that yes, IDK units were obsolete and had the unfortunate tendency to have maulfunctions in there behavioring processing system causing them to chose irrational routes of logic to attempt to find a solution to their problems. Or in simpler terms they lost their common sense.

--

...Yeah... :coughcough:... Hey guys! :waves:

So I've left this story for a while now... over a year... yeah... I'm sorry. I feel ashamed. And after this I probably won't update again for a while... I'm sorry. I'm just not easily inspired for this story and have had more problems then unual in life that I won't go into here.

OH! The FBI has a cool contest. And it's waaay late for me to advertise for it but you should read the entires and watch the FBI cause... I said so? It's funny? Well whatever. At least check it out guys! You might like it!

On another note I've had no chance to edit this or anything. So... yeah I'll probably come back, delete this and replace it with a better less plot hole'd version later. That goes for the rest of the chapters now that I think of it. But right now I think I should put something new up before redoing a bunch of stuff. Agreed?


End file.

Invader Zim, Humor