Invader Zim 1. Scene 1 - Opening Credits & Meeting the ...

An Invader Zim Parody of Roger's and Hammerstein's "Cinderella" 

By Invader Sam

Scene 1: [We open with a sky at dawn; all we can see is what's above the clouds. A small, glowing figure is sitting on a cloud off in the distance. Camera zooms in on him. It's GIR, holding a wand with a star on the end, and wearing shiny, shimmery, butterfly-type wings on his back. The wings are strapped on with elastic.]

GIR: [waving the wand and singing to himself] Improbable…for a short noisy Irken to ever pick up a hot date… [looks up, notices the audience] Oh, HI!! [waves] I'm floating!!

Sam [off screen]: [whispering frustratedly] GIR! Just read the cue-cards!!

GIR: [looks over to where Sam is] What? Oh, ok!! [Reads cue-cards] Welcome to The Invader Zim Parody of Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella!! [looks over to Sam again] Was that good??

Sam: [sighs] Yes, GIR. [to the camera man] Just move on to the opening credits.

[The Camera pans through the majestic clouds that are all CGI!! And the following credits fade in and out in fancy gold lettering:]

Cinderella – "Gazella"– Gaz

The Prince – "Prince Zimeriah" – Zim

The Wicked Stepmother – Tak

The Ugly Stepsisters – "Redna & Purlina" – Tallests Red & Purple

Lionel (the royal advisor) – Dib

The Queen – "Queen Sam" – Invader Sam (who's also the writer, director, producer, lyrist, prop master, set designer, costume designer, etc. etc.)

The King – "King Membrane" – Prof. Membrane

The Fairy Godmother – "The Fairy God-robot" – GIR

[As the last line of Credits fades out the camera breaks through the clouds and we see a peaceful, too-cute-to-be-true Renaissance-esque village in a valley with a big Castle on a hill overlooking everything. The camera sweeps down into the village streets, which are bustling with activity as all little villages always are. The crowd of extras is made up of humans and Irkens alike and no one seems to notice or care. Through the crowd, Tak comes walking out in her Irken form, all dressed-up fancy-like in purple and black, with her usual scowl on.]

Tak: [calling back over her shoulder] Hurry up, girls!! We've got three more stores to hit before lunch!

[Camera pans up above Tak a little ways and we see, pushing their way through the crowd, come Red and Purple, both dressed up in frilly dresses of their respective colors. They both also have wigs of their respective colors, each pulled up in a bun. A few strands are hanging loose in their faces, showing that they've been shopping all morning.]

Red: [grunts as the break though the crowd into a bit of a clearing] Coming, Mother! [then whispering to Purple] How did we get stuck with these parts??

Purple: [shrugs] Oh, I dunno. I don't really mind. Besides, I think that dress is rather slimming on you.

Red: Really??

Tak: [marches back over to them] Girls!! We have no time to waste with idle chit-chat! Now come along! [Red & Purple start to walk off, but stop when Tak says] Wait…where's Gazella?? 

Purple: I don't know, Mother. I haven't seen her since the mad rush over at the Stop and Spend.

Red: Yeah. She's always wandering off. She probably stopped to drool over the new Game Slave 3. [he and Purple snicker]

Tak: Oooohhh…that girl… [walks over and wacks them both in the shins with her purse] I'll have none of that un-lady-like snickering! [she spins around, scanning the crowd] GAZELLA!!! Where are you?!?!

Gaz: [appears next to her, seemingly out of nowhere. She's dressed in purple and gray rags, and is towing behind her a flat board on wheels which is stacked with packages, boxes and bags] I'm right here. What do you want?

Tak: [shaking a finger at Gaz] Don't you take that tone with me young lady!! Now come along. And don't let me catch you lagging behind again! [walks off in a huff]

[Red and Purple snicker again, stick their tongues out at Gaz and follow after their mother. Gaz is left alone. She begins following at a slower pace, dragging the baggage behind her. The music for the first musical number starts.]

"The Sweetest Thing"

Gaz: The lamest script I'll ever read is here inside my head.

The cruelest words I'll ever know are waiting to be said.

The most exciting part of all is yet for me to read.

And the best payroll I'll ever get is waiting somewhere for me.

It's waiting somewhere…somewhere for me…

[Cut to a different part of the village square, where Zim is wandering around, dressed as a commoner, taking in the sights and sounds and smells.]

Zim: The lamest script I'll ever read is here inside my head.

The cruelest words I'll ever know are waiting to be said.

The most exciting part of all is yet for me to read.

And the best payroll I'll ever get is waiting somewhere for me.

It's waiting somewhere…somewhere for me…

[The song continues in the same fashion as the two wander closer to each other without noticing it. The song becomes a round and as Gaz goes to finish her last line…CRASH!!! They collide!! Both fall backwards, a few of Gaz's packages tumble off the cart.]

Zim: [sitting up, rubbing his head] What's the big idea!?!

Gaz: Me?? Why don't you watch where you're going??

Sam: [off screen] What are you doing? You're supposed to like each other!!

Zim: Yes, yes. We're getting to that.

[They both stand up and stare at each other for a moment.]

Gaz: Who are you? I've never seen you around here before.

Zim: Me? Well…I…um…er…I mean…I AM ZIM!!! [pumps his fists in the air]

Gaz: Um…Ok…I'm Gaz…ella.

Zim: Gazella?

Gaz: Yeah…my dad was some sort of nature nut…

Zim: Oh…ok…Well…um…

Tak: [walking up behind them and shouting from a short distance] GAZELLA!!! What have I told you about talking to strangers!! [behind her, Red and Purple snicker again] 

Gaz: Yes, Stepmother. [to Zim] I gotta go. See you around. [hurries off after Tak and the Stepsisters]

Zim: [watches her go, and then walks off, singing the final line of the song] And the best payroll I'll ever get is waiting somewhere for me. It's waiting somewhere…somewhere for me… [he walks out of the square to where a gilded coach is waiting, climbs into it and yells] Take me to, THAT WAY!! [the coach takes off]

[From the middle of the square, Gaz turns back and watches Zim ride away. Looking dejected, she hurries after her Step-relatives.] [Cut To Commercials]


	2. Scene 2 - The Prince is Giving a Ball......

A/N: Before we begin, I'd like to say sorry if the next song isn't exactly accurate - I had to do it by memory. ^_^

Scene 2: [We come back from commercials with a view of the castle exterior. Cut to interior castle corridor. Dib is hurrying down the corridor next to Zim, trying to dress him in his Prince attire.]

Dib: Why do you do this to me, Your Highness?? [he struggles to button up Zim's vest as Zim squirms uncomfortably]

Zim: Do what??

Dib: Run off like that – without a warning! It's risky!

Zim: [waves a hand dismissively] I was in no danger. You worry too much, big-head-boy. [the pair stop before a red velvet curtain at the end of the hall]

Dib: I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me!! [puts both hands on his chest for emphasis, and then wrings his hands nervously] I can't keep lying to the Queen! They've got laws against that!! [Zim acts as if he hasn't heard, and walks through the curtains. Dib sighs exasperatedly and shakes his head. Then his head jerks up as a thought strikes him. He calls through the curtains] And my head's not big!!

[Cut to the other side of the curtains as Zim brushes through them]

Zim: You wanted to see me, Mother?

[Cut to a view of the rest of the room. Membrane is seated in a high-backed chair, going over some star maps, dressed in his normal lab coat, but it's been spruced up with gold trimming and his black gloves have fur on the rim. Sam is standing next to him, in an elegant green dress with white gloves and a gold tiara. She looks up at the sound of Zim's voice.]

Sam: Darling! Where have you been? We were just talking about you! [she crosses the room and kneels down to put her hands on his shoulders. She looks back over her shoulder at Membrane] Weren't we, dear?

Membrane: [not looking up from his work] Yes, yes, of course. Whatever you say, dear.

Sam: [frowns] Anyway, [turning back to Zim and standing up] your birthday's coming up soon, isn't it, Zimeriah?  
  


Zim: It's tomorrow, Mother.

Sam: Exactly! [crosses to the table where Membrane is seated, followed by Zim] So we thought we'd through a little get together!!

Zim: Uh huh… [nods, pretty much knowing where this is going]

Sam: Yeah! You know, immediate family and close friends only. [she picks up a scroll and lets it unroll. The scroll rolls across the table, off the table, across the floor and out the door on the opposite side of the room]

Zim: [jaw drops and he snaps it shut. Looks up at Sam, shocked and indignant] Mother!!!

Sam: We're thinking…maybe a few thousand at most. [presses a button on the scroll and it zips up like a measuring tape]

Zim: You can't keep doing this, Mother!! [as he talks, he gets more excited and flails his arms frantically] Last week you threw a ball because I had my wisdom teeth pulled!!

Sam: [kneels down to hug him] And I know how hard that was for you, honey. 

Membrane: [proving that he'd been listening to the conversation] And the week before that, you threw one because his favorite TV show was cancelled.

Sam: Oh, go back to tuning us out. [Membrane just shrugs and goes back to his work. Sam turns back to Zim] What you don't seem to realize, son, is that you'll be coming of age tomorrow and–

Membrane: And your mother wants to marry you off.

Zim: Marry me off?? Mother, what for??

Sam: [stands up, sighing dramatically] Isn't it obvious, darling? Your father and I aren't going to live forever and I – I mean we – want to make sure you have an heir to the throne waiting to follow after you! [she puts a hand to her heart and leans against Membrane's chair] Dear, tell him. [Membrane doesn't seem to hear, so she cuts the 'drama queen' act and smacks him upside the head. He winces and stands up]

Membrane: Son…you're mother and I just want you to be happy…

Sam: Exactly! [takes hold of Membrane's arm] And what could make you happier than a ball??

Zim: Mother – I don't want another ball, and I most CERTAINLY don't want to get married!! [he storms out of the room]

Membrane: [looks at Sam] Well…that went well, don't you think?

Sam: [slaps his arm and then calls] Lionel!!

Dib: [peeks his head in between the curtains] Yes, Your Majesty?

Sam: [gestures to him] Come in here. I have a Proclamation from the Prince for you to write.

Dib: [as he fumbles with a scroll and quill] You Highness, I couldn't help overhearing and I really think that–

Sam: Just take this down. [Dib nods and she begins]

"The Prince is Giving a Ball"

Sam: His Royal Highness, Prince Zimeriah Boramir Aragorn Tom Euchariah Francis Sauramon Legolas Frodo– 

Dib: [looks up] Frodo??

Sam: [nods] Frodo. Peregrin James – he'll thank us for this later – is giving a ball!!

[Cut to Dib, riding into town on the back of a carriage, scroll in hand as a crowd of villagers gather around him. Dib opens the scroll and begins reading/singing.]

Dib: His Royal Highness, Prince Zimeriah. Son of her Majesty, Queen Samanthia Arwin Athina Genevieve Lilo–

Tak: Lilo??

Dib: [shrugs] Lilo. Is giving a ball!!

Crowd: [cheers] The Queen is giving a ball! The Prince is having a cow!!

[Cut to Tak making her way through the crowd to a snack shop, where Red and Purple are inside, admiring the goodies. As Tak comes in and begins to sing, they both jump in alarm and then become excited (or mock-excited)

Tak: They spread the message through the streets!

The Queen is giving a ball!

She wants to marry off her son and rain doom on us all!

Purple: I'd make the best Queen, wouldn't you say?

Red: He won't give you the time of day!

Tak: Who cares?? We're all doomed anyway!

All Three: The Prince is giving a ball!! 

[They leave the shop. Purple sticks his head & torso back in the door, grabs and big lollipop and then disappears again.]

[Cut to the square again. Dib is on the streets now, scroll still held open. He is followed by a squad of servants who are listening intently as he reads from the scroll. It's easy to tell from his expression that he's grateful he didn't have to remember all these upcoming lines.]

Dib: Now listen up, guys. We've lots to do,

And not much time, you see.

The Queen will be pleased. Let's get what we need.

Keep up and follow me.

[Dib leads them to the butcher shop where the roadies start gathering up meat products.]

Dib: Surely we'll need a ton of spam,

And hamburgers to spare.

Order some steaks – fillet mingon,

To have our cooks prepare. [checks off something on the scroll as they move on]

[Next he has them lead him to the vineyard/brewery. The roadies pick up barrels of wine on one side of the street, while a few others dart off and come back with wheelbarrows full of cheese.]

Dib: Next on the list are wines and cheese,

Have plenty for all the guests.

Roll in the kegs in by noon today.

We're sure to have extras left. [makes another mark on the scroll]

[Next stop is the bakery.]

Dib: [pressing his nose against the display case, eyeing it all hungrilly] 

Bakery goods are always nice,

Load up the carts with those.

His Highness likes the little ones,

The chocolate donut holes. [makes another check mark and heads out into the streets.]

[He is instantly swept up in the roaring dance number that's going on outside!! He gets spun around by girls with flowers, trampled on by guys with meat, gets a barrel of wine rolled over him, and ends up (as the music get louder and faster) back on the top of the carriage he'd come it. He looks over his scroll wearily as the crowd dances around him.]

All: The Queen is giving a ball!

The Prince is having a cow!!

Dib: [unrolling his scroll trying to read over everything, but he gets confused, which results in the mess of words you see here]

His Royal Highness – 200 tangerines, 300 plums –

Prince Zimeriah – 500 violets, 400 mums – 

Boromir Arogorn – strawberries, raspberries –

Son of Her Majesty Queen Samanthia – 

Lilies and poppies and roses and daisies –

Son of His Majesty Maximus Membrane – 

Cheddar and Blue cheese, and port wine and Swiss –

Tom Euchariah Arwin Athina Sauramon Legolas Peregrin Freida –

All: [stop what they're doing and turn to look at him] FREIDA????

Dib: [exasperatedly] Freida!!

All: Is giving a ball!!!!!!!!!!! [Dib tosses the scroll over his shoulder helplessly as the crowd finishes their dance.]

[The camera cuts to Gaz, standing on her own off to one side of all the commotion. A girl and her father walk by.]

Girl: [in a high-pitched, whiny voice] Need to go to the ball, Daddy!!!

Gaz: Pht. Whiner. [Cut to Commercials.]


	3. Scene 3 - Gazella's First Solo Number -

Scene 3: [We return from commercials looking at a very nice house with a high wall all around it and a garden in front. A carriage pulls up along side the gate of the wall and Tak, Red & Purple, and Gaz step out. They make their way to the door, and then all three of her step-relatives turn to look at Gaz.]

Gaz: Oh, right. [She walks past them, still dragging her cart of baggage, to the door, kicks it open and walks inside, holding it with her foot, so the others can enter.]

Tak: Have you scrubbed the floor yet, Gazella?

Gaz: Not yet. I've been busy.

Red: [scornfully] You've been busy??

Gaz: Yeah. I was in town with you three. 

Purple: How ungrateful!

Tak: Quite right, Purlina. You'll do well to keep that sharp tongue of your in your mouth, Gazella. [heads towards the stairs] Come girls, we need our beauty sleep if either of you is going win the Prince over tomorrow. [she stops at the top of the stairs to wait for them]

Red & Purple: Yes, Mother. [They both head for the stairs, but their big poofy dresses don't allow them to go up side by side, so they begin pushing and shoving, trying to get ahead of one another.]

Tak: [watching them fight, slaps her forehead, muttering] Where did I go wrong?

[Finally, Red pulls ahead of Purple and dashes up the stairs. Purple hurries up the stairs, tripping over the hem of his dress only once. Tak sighs again and starts to follow them, when Gazella speaks up.]

Gaz: Um…Stepmother?

Tak: [turning around to look down at her] What now?

Gaz: I was wondering…since everyone in the Kingdom is invited to the ball…does that include me?

Tak: [laughs] Ha! Of course not, dear. They mean everyone who'd important. Now run along and do your chores. And be happy about it! [turns quickly and walks off. Red and Purple emerge a few seconds later.]

Red: Gazella – bring us some snacks!!

Purple: Yeah!

[Gaz doesn't seem to hear them. She's starring at the floor.]

Red & Purple: [look at each other, and then lean over the railing] GAZELLA!!!

[Gaz seems to wake up from her trance and walks off. Satisfied, her stepsisters disappear upstairs once again.]

[Cut to interior kitchen. The door slides open slowly and Gaz steps in, muttering to herself.]

Gaz: [muttering angrily] 'Gazella get this', 'Gazella do that'. Gazella, Gazella, Gazella! Oooh! I'm so sick of them!! [The music starts and we all know what that means! ^_^]

"In My Own Gaming Corner"

Gaz: Gaz: I'm so tired of the sound of my name.

When I hear their commands, I obey.

But they don't know about all my games.

I would not let them take them away.

[Gaz walks over to the corner of the kitchen and presses a hidden button by the fireplace. The wall opens up to reveal a huge gaming system. Gaz grins and climbs into a small over-stuffed chair that's sitting in front of a TV.]

Gaz: In my own gaming corner,

In my old easy chair,

I can be whatever I want to be.

Oh my imagination,

Lifts me high in the air.

And the world can open its doors to me.

[She turns the system on and as she plays, she continues the song]

I'm a young vampire slayer, or a demon.

I'm the greatest super-hero in the land.

I'm a gamer, who's been every single player,

Even those manufactured in Japan.

I'm the Queen of a planet that's been under attack.

And I'm meeting the spies that are hiding there.

Just as long as I stay in my own gaming corner.

All alone…in my old…easy chair.

Red & Purple's Voices: [speaking] Gazella!! Where's our snacks???

Gaz: [jumps at the sound of their voices, then ignores them and turns back to her game]

I can be whatever I want to be.

I'm a thief in a dungeon; I'm a spy on the roof.

I'm a dolphin saving the ocean blue.

[As she sings this next verse, she gets more and more into her game and as she reaches the dangerous point, she shuts it off and tosses the controller down, relieved.]

I'm a huntress in a strange exotic jungle.

It's a dangerous sport, and I am the best one.

In the night I journey off to catch the panther,

When I find I've got one shot in my gun.

I am trapped in the jungle by barbarian guards,

I'll be cooked for the Queen in her jungle lair!

Then I'm glad to be back in my own gaming corner.

All alone…in my old…easy chair…

Red & Purple's Voices: [speaking] GAZELLA!!!

[Gaz gets up, presses the button again, making the wall close over the gaming system. Then she goes about gathering her step-sisters' snacks.]

[Cut to the Palace, interior of the ball room. The room is half-decorated and full of servants. Dib is up on a ladder, stringing up garlands of flowers. Sam is discussing the menu with the cook when Zim comes marching down the stairs.]

Zim: [as he nears the bottom of the stairs, angrily] Mother!! [Sam starts to walk off, but Zim catches up with her just as she nears Dib's ladder] I told you not to do this!! I don't want anymore balls!!

Sam: I'm sorry, Zimmeriah, but I can't stop everything once we've already started. What would we tell everyone?

Zim: Tell them you went against my wishes and you're very ashamed of yourselves.

Membrane: [coming up behind them] I've never been ashamed of anything in my entire life! I'm not about to start now. [he pulls at the ladder absent-mindedly and Dib screams. Membrane notices, and puts it right again.]

Dib: [looking down at them, clinging to the ladder for dear life] Um…Your Highnesses, I probably shouldn't get involved…

All three Royals: [annoyed] Probably.

Dib: But I'm going to venture to say…that I think the Prince should go to the ball.

Zim: What?!?

Sam: I like the sound of that.

Dib: Now wait a minute, let me finish. If he finds a bride tonight, hey great! Good for him! But if he doesn't… [looks straight at Zim]

Zim: [looks up at Dib, trying to figure out his point. Then it dawns on him and he grins] It's genius! There's a brain up in that big head of yours after all!! [he turns to his parents, in the background, Dib realizes that he was insulted again and sighs] Mother – I'll go to your filthy ball tonight but if ZIM finds no one, then you'll stop throwing them and let me get married when I'm ready!

Sam: But…but… [looks to Membrane]

Membrane: Seems fair to me.

[Zim runs off happily and Sam and Membrane start walking off, past Dib again.]

Dib: Don't worry, Your Majesties. He'll find her tonight. I can feel it!

Sam: You certainly'll feel it if he doesn't!! [She smacks the ladder and Dib plummets to the floor. Sam then takes Membrane's Arm and, smirking smugly, walks off screen with him.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	4. Scene 4 - Getting Ready For the Ball!! a...

Scene 4: [We come back from commercials at a frenzied scene at Gazella's house. The whole 'family' is gathered in the Stepsisters' dressing room getting ready for the ball. Well, Gaz isn't getting ready, she's just picking up items of clothing that have been rejected and tossed on the floor. She's probably thinking of burning them. ^_^]

[Red is watching as Tak chases Purple around the vanity trying to get him to hold still long enough for her to tighten his corset.]

Tak: Purlina!! Stand still!! NOW!! [Purple sighs and stops running. Tak drags a chair over behind him and begins yanking on the strings. Purple winces with every tug.] You girls are going to be the envy of everyone at the ball! [tugs] I'll make sure of that! Oh, if only I had had the [tugs] opportunities that you girls have!! You don't know how [tugs] lucky you are! [She finally ties the strings tight and hops down from the chair, looking satisfied.]

Purple: [sits down on the bed, gingerly holding his stomach, which is as narrow as it is when he's wearing his Tallest robe] Yes, Mother.

Tak: [turns towards Red, who's slouching against the vanity mirror, not looking very lady-like at all] Redna!! Straighten up!!

[Red jumps to attention, startled. Tak hurries over to him, climbs up onto the vanity chair and then the vanity itself so she's nearly eye level with him. She takes his chin in her hand and shakes her head]

Tak: Look at you!! You're a mess!! Well, we'll soon fix that! [She reaches down and grabs something off the table. With one swift movement and a 'Wooshing' effect, she has Red's face covered with a sea green cream.] That'll help.

[Red sighs, staring at his reflection. Then his face stats smoking through the mask of cream. He screams and falls to the floor, writhing and flailing.]

Purple: [looking at Red uncertainly] Um…Mother? I think you're hurting him…her…

Tak: [hands on her hips] Beauty knows no pain, girls! 

[Cut scene quickly. We see Red's face in the vanity mirror, the cream is gone and although his contact-covered eyes look blood-shot, his skin is beautiful. He sighs and the camera backs up, showing Purple's reflection standing next to him.]

[Camera pans around to show the actual Irkens and Tak steps up between them. She seems to be fully taking advantage of the casting and is enjoying ordering her leaders around.]

Tak: Now girls, before we go any farther, I want to know what you've come up with to win the Prince over. Purlina?

Purple: [both he & Red turn to face her] Um…well…you said to show him there's more to me than beauty [in the background, Gaz (who's still gathering clothes) snickers] I thought I'd recite a poem.

Red: [snorts in surprise] A poem…?

Purple: [indignantly] Yeah. What of it?

Tak: That's fine, Purlina. And what about you, Redna?

Red: Who, me? Oh well I, you know, I um… [he glances off screen, reads the cue card that the roadie is holding and his eyes bug out. He sighs and says] I'm going to flutter my eyelashes flirtingly, like this. [he puts his hands under his chin and bats his long fake eyelashes]

Purple: [never to be outdone] I'll do that too! [bats his fake eyelashes]

Red: [looking over at the cue card again] And I'll curtsey!

Purple: Me too! 

[They both attempt ungraceful curtsies and knock their heads together, fall over in a heap on the floor. Off to one side, Gaz burst out laughing.]

Tak: [coldly, as red and Purple try to untangle themselves behind her] And what would you do to win the Prince, Gazella?

Gaz: [caught off guard] Oh, I dunno.

Tak: Of course you don't. 

Gaz: But whatever I'd say – that is, if I wanted to say anything at all – it would be so perfect that we'd both know right away that we… [glances at the cue cards, grimaces and continues] …loved each other.

Purple: [claps his hands together] That sounds wonderful! 

Red: [gives him a funny look] Yeah, real romantic.

Tak: 'Romantic'?? HA!! This isn't about romance! It's about marriage!! And money. And living in the lap of luxury! [puts a hand to her forehead] Have I taught you nothing??

"Love and Romance and the Like"

Tak: Love and romance and the like are things lost to yesterday.

Love and romance and the like aren't worth it – you'll see!

Caring for more than yourself is a misguided effort.

Give too much and you'll get hurt – take it from me.

I'd thought that I was in love and that someone loved me too.

I was a child with blind eyes and I couldn't see – 

I fell in love with something that vanished last cen'try.

So Love gave up on…me!

[Tak leads Red and Purple out of the room, with Gaz following close behind. We cut quickly to another room upstairs, where Gaz is straightening the large wire hoops that are around Red & Purple's waists.]

Red & Purple: Love and romance and the like are things lost to yesterday.

Love and romance and the like aren't worth it – you'll see!

[Tak pulls a dress over Red's head and Gaz does the same for Purple, as Tak sings her next line.]

Tak: Caring for more than yourself is a misguided effort.

[Red and Purple poke their heads out of the tops of their dresses right one cue to sing their next line.]

Red & Purple: Give too much and you'll get hurt – take it from her.

[Cut to all four of them, heading out the front door and down the walk. Gaz is the only one not dressed up. She remains in her rags, carrying three bouquets of flowers with her.]

[As Tak sings, she and her daughters snatch their flowers from Gaz and board the carriage at the end of the walkway.]

Tak: I'd thought that I was in love and that someone loved me too.

I was a child with blind eyes and I couldn't see – 

I fell in love with something that vanished last cen'try.

So Love gave up…on me!!

[Tak holds the last note as the carriage pulls away. In the seat across from her, Red and Purple notice they've grabbed the wrong bouquets and hurriedly switch. Gaz watches as the leave, standing at the gate. She sighs one they're gone, then shakes her head, disgusted with herself and heads back inside.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	5. Scene 5 - Improbable!! The Appearance of...

Scene 5: [We come back from commercials just as Gaz is returning to the kitchen, still looking a little dejected.]

Gaz: Pht. Why would I want to go to that stupid ball anyway? Still…that guy I met on the street might be there…what am I saying?! [clutches her head] I must be going crazy!

[Suddenly, there's a large "POOF" behind her and we see traces of gold and silver dust.]

Gaz: [whips around] What the –?

[Sitting on the window ledge, looking in at her, is GIR, still wearing his shiny wings and waving his wand around.]

GIR: [waves at Gaz] Hi there!!

Gaz: [mutters to herself] Now I know I'm going crazy…

GIR: No…you're not crazy. BUT I AM!!! [he giggles insanely]

Gaz: [wide eyed] I can see that…who are you?

GIR: I'm your Fairy God-robot!

Gaz: My what?

GIR: You wanna go to the ball, right?

Gaz: [quickly] No. Never. Ever.

GIR: [waves his wand in the air] Mr. Wand says you do!

Gaz: You're crazy.

GIR: Yup! And I've got a seeeeecret!!

Gaz: [blinks for a few seconds] What?

GIR: I can magic you to the party!! Woo-hoo! [He waves his wand in their air spastically and sparks go everywhere. One lands near Gaz and starts a small fire on the floor.]

Gaz: [stomping out the fire] Yeah right. Even if I wanted to go…it's…it's… improbable! [The music starts. Gaz smacks herself in the forehead.] Oh no…

"Improbable"

GIR: Improbable! 

For a short, noisy Irken to ever pick up a hot date!

Improbable! 

For a romance to blossom out of something that is pure hate!

And four brown cows will never be dancing weenies!

Such doom-de-doom and look at my brand new beanie!!

[As he sings that last line, he pulls a beanie-cap out of his head and spins the propeller gleefully.]

Gaz: [speaking] What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING???

[GIR ignores her and keeps singing, flying around her, waving his wand and spraying sparks everywhere.]

GIR: Improbable!! Improbable!!

But this world is full of crazies and me!!

Who see this stuff as easy as can be!

And because we need to move the plot on,

Or I will just keep singing this song,

Improbable things are happening here today!

[Gaz begins singing, and a sort of song/argument ensues.]

Gaz: Improbable!

GIR: Improbable!

Gaz: Improbable!

GIR: Improbable!

Gaz: Improbable!

GIR: Improbable! Improbable!

[The music quiets and GIR flies out through the window. Frustrated, Gaz steps out the back door and into the backyard. The singing stops and normal dialogue is resumed.]

Gaz: [Finds GIR floating in the yard a few feet off the ground] Ok, look – let's say I wanted to go to the ball. How would I get there?

GIR: Um… [taps his wand to his head, then looks over at the cue cards] Oh yeah! I need an apple!

Gaz: An apple?? Don't you mean a pumpkin?

GIR: [shakes his head] Nope! [flies over to a tree in the yard and picks an apple up off the ground below it] This'll work! [he flies back to Gaz and holds it out]

Gaz: Eww… [the apple is all rotten and disgusting looking] This had better be some good magic.

GIR: Watch! [He tosses the apple in the air and points his wand at it. Sparks fly once again and strike the apple. It rolls in the air, glowing, and growing, and sinking back to the ground. By the time it touches the street, it's become a beautiful red convertible Mercedes.]

Gaz: [eyes wide] Wow… 

GIR: [beams at her] See? Told ya! Told ya! Told ya! [giggles madly]

Gaz: [eyes reverting back to normal] Ok, so I have a car. But I can't drive.

GIR: Ooh! Ooh! I'll fix it! [he points his wand at a bug that was flying by. The bug stops in mid-air, glowing and growing. When the glowing ceases, it's become Jhonen Vasquez in a medieval chauffeur's outfit.]

Jhonen: [looks around and then down at himself] What the heck??? 

[Sam pops in from the left side of the screen and jabs him with an electro-spear from her Zim Movie. With a yelp of pain and much censored mutterings, Jhonen marches over to the car and holds open the backseat door, waiting for Gaz to get in. Sam disappears as quickly as she had come.]

GIR: Ok! You're all set!! 

Gaz: [looks down at herself] Um…did you forget something?

GIR: What? Oh yeah!! [He points the wand at her and she begins to glow golden. Her rags transform themselves into an elegant black and purple ball gown, and the glowing stops. She looks at herself] Whoa…cool! [She lifts up her dress and the camera zooms in on her glass…combat boots. Gaz grins.] I'll bet I could break a few shins with these, huh?

GIR: Uh-huh! Now go! [He ushers Gaz into the car. Jhonen closes the door after her and takes his seat.] Oh yeah!! You gotta come home before midnight! 'Cuz after that the magic doesn't work all good anymore!! It all goes bye-bye! Just like this, POOF!!

Gaz: [nods] Right. Ok…I guess as I've gotten this far…let's go!! 

[Jhonen steps on the gas and the car zooms off. As they pull away, GIR disappears in a cloud of gold dust and the music begins again.]

"Improbable (Reprise)"

Gaz: It's probable! 

For a plain rotten apple to become a cool Mercedes!

It's probable! 

For that weird flying robot to have been the spawn of Hades!

GIR: [popping up at the side of the car] And songs like this are never quite worth rehearsing!

Gaz: That's why we're stuck here ad-libbing the versing! 

Both: It's probable! It's probable! [GIR vanishes again]

Gaz: For the world is full of crazies…

GIR: [appearing next to her inside the car] And ME!!

Gaz: Who see this stuff as easy as can be!

Both: And because we need to move the plot on,

Or we will just keep singing this song,

Improbable things are happening here today!!!

[Cut to a back-up view of the kingdom where we see the car blazing up a cobble-stone path towards the Castle.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	6. Scene 6 - The Ball Begins!! Let the Madn...

Scene 6: [We come back from commercials to interior palace ballroom. A crowd dances around the floor in pairs as Sam and Membrane watch on from thrones off to one side. In the middle of the floor is Zim, looking as bored as could be. Dib keeps bringing up new girls for him to dance with, one after the other.]

[The camera pans a stairway off to the side of the room. A long line of girls string up it, each waiting their turn to dance with the Prince. Tak, Red and Purple are about halfway up from the bottom. Tak is looking impatient, while Red and Purple both seem to be dreading their turn.]

[Zim yawns and doesn't bother to suppress it, as Dib brings another girl to him and leads the one who came before her away. The image of Zim blurs and the camera is now focused on his parents. The camera zooms in closer to them.]

Sam: [leans over to Membrane] Look at his face. [pointing at Zim] Was that a smile?

Membrane: [looks up from his newspaper] It was a wince.

Sam: Just a little smile?

Membrane: Stop kidding yourself.

Sam: [crosses her arms] Well, he has to find someone tonight.

Membrane: And if he doesn't?

Sam: [shrugs] This ball will never end.

Dib: [walking by, leading another girl] I don't think we ordered enough food.

[Cut to the exterior palace steps. The red convertible has pulled up in front of it. Jhonen, still muttering, climbs out and opens the door for Gaz. As she steps out, GIR speaks up from his seat next to her.]

GIR: Remember! After midnight all the magic stuff goes bye-bye!! Bye-bye!! [he waves his wand and disappears in a cloud of gold dust.]

Gaz: [shakes her head] Weirdo… [She heads up the steps of the palace and Jhonen climbs back into the car to wait. He pulls a comic book out of the glove compartment and begins to read.]

[Cut back to the ballroom. Dib has stepped off to one side, leaning against a doorway for support, panting. Suddenly, a gloved hand shoots out and grabs his arm, yanking him out the door. It's Tak. Dib sighs, and pulls free of her grip.]

Tak: [give him a false smile] I'm sure you've noticed my two lovely daughters by now – [she points towards the stairs]

[Dib looks in the direction she's pointing. Cut to a shot of Red and Purple on the stairs. Red seems to be poking himself in the eye, trying to adjust one of his contacts. Purple is swatting at a bug with his bouquet, and flower petals are going everywhere. Cut back to Dib, who rolls his eyes.]

Dib: Ma'am, as I've already told you – you might recall – 

Tak: [nods] Uh-huh.

Dib: His Highness will dance with all the girls in due time. Please, try to be patient – ack!

[In a swift movement, Tak has Dib pressed against the outside wall, a hand on either side of him, trapping him.]

Tak: [flirtingly, but anyone can tell it's fake] Of course, every mother would love to see their daughters dance with the Prince, but what I really want to know is…who're you going to be dancing with you? 

Dib: [gulps] M-me? 

Tak: Don't try to deny it. [bats her eyes and leans in closer to him. He begins to sweat] I know you've felt something between us, haven't you?

Dib: Y-you know what? I really wish there was something between us.

Tak: Yes??

Dib: A solar system. [he quickly ducks out from under her arms and hurries away]

[Tak watches him go, looking surprised. She then composes herself and marches off, would-be nose in the air.]

[Cut back to the ballroom interior. Dib scrambles back to his post at the bottom of the stairs. Red and Purple have reached the bottom of the stairs. Red is really first in line but Purple cuts in front of him and is led, grinning smugly back at Red, by Dib out to the center of the floor.]

[Zim had been dancing with Zita before this and Dib quickly lead her away. Zim looks up at Purple, who, of course, towers over him. For one awkward moment, they just stare at each other. Then an electro-spear jabs Zim from behind. With a yelp, he leaps into the air and is caught by Purple, who begins, twirling around the room with him.]

[Cut quickly to Sam and Membrane. Sam blows the smoke off her electro-spear and grins sort-of-evilly.]

Membrane: You're a little bit scary sometimes. You know that, don't you? 

Sam: [grins evilly at him] Just helping things along, dear.

[Cut back to Purple and Zim. Purple is trying to look like he's enjoying himself, while Zim is looking rather sick to his stomach from all the spinning.]

Purple: [clears his throat] Ahem. 

"For as long as I can remember,

I've been looking for someone like you.

Someone with a head like yours and a torso, too.

Birds sing and you're gonna PAY if you don't marry me!!

The end!!"

Zim: [looking frightened] Help!! Guards!!

[Slab Rankle and the General from Hobo 13 march up, seize Purple by the arms and drag him off the floor. Zim is dropped to the floor, looking dizzy. Dib hurries up to him, leading Red, who scoops Zim up once again and begins twirling him around once again.]

Zim: [noting how incessantly Red is batting his eye-lashes] Um…is there something in your eye?

Red: [giggles] Only you, you're Highness! 

[Cut to Dib, standing beside the orchestra. He smirks, watching Zim's face turn an even sicklier shade of green. Zim signals to Dib to speed up the music. He taps the conductor on the shoulder and waves his hand.]

Dib: [quietly] Slow it down. 

[We see the hem of a green dress swish up behind Dib, and a high-heeled shoe taps against the floor behind him. Dib gulps and looks up. The camera backs up to show Sam looking down at him, angrily, her electro-spear in hand.]

[Dib laughs nervously and taps the conductor again, this time he signals to speed it up. Sam bends down and pats Dib on the head, smiling demurely, and then walks off. Dib sighs.]

[Cut back to the dance floor. The music continues to speed up and up and up until the whole of the dancing crowd is a dizzy mess. Red has gotten so carried away, that he gives Zim a final twirl that sent him spinning across the floor like a top, knocking over a bunch of other dancers as they tried to steady themselves.]

[The music kind of grinds to a halt as Zim stops spinning and skids to a stop at the bottom of the main staircase. He props himself up on his elbows, holding his head groggily.]

Gaz's Voice: [off screen] Um…did I come at a bad time?

Zim: [glances up] Huh? [Cut to a view of what Zim sees. Two or three Gazes are spinning and fading in and out of focus. Finally all the Gazes come together to form one clear picture of her. She's looking down at Zim with one eye open and an eye brow cocked. He scrambles to his feet, still a little dizzy]

Gaz: Um…hi.

Zim: Yeah, hi. 

[Cut to Sam, who's over by the orchestra once again. She motions for them to start playing, and then zips off screen. She appears behind Zim, and jabs him with her electro-spear once again. Zim jumps forward and into Gaz's arms. With another nudge from Sam they begin dancing as the music picks up.]

[As the two dance the camera spins around them slowly, letting the audience get dizzy as well. Fun, no? ^_^]

Zim: You…look familiar…have we met? Not that I care, of course.

Gaz: No. I think I would have remembered someone as pig-headed as you.

Zim: What?? [But he doesn't have time to retort anything because the next music number has begun.]

"Ten Minutes Ago"

Zim: Ten minutes ago, I saw you.

You walked in exactly on cue.

My stomach was churning,

My cheeks started burning.

I wonder, is it 'cuz of you?

Ten minutes ago, I met you.

I looked up from my place on the floor.

I wanted to flair out my arms,

And scream in alarm,

And run straight out the door!!

But I'm stuck here.

And we're dancing.

Though I'd much rather gouge out my eyes.

I can see it.

You hate me, too.

So this waltz is a nasty surprise!

But this spinning around makes me dizzy,

And I'm thinking this isn't so bad…

But now what am I saying??

Am I going insane??

It's the worst night that I've ever had!

It's the worst night that I have ever had!!

Gaz: Ten minutes ago, I met you.

Though I do not think it's been that long.

It seems like forever.

This horrid endeavor,

That's got me hear singing this song!

Zim: But we're stuck here.

Gaz: And we're dancing.

[Cut to Sam and Membrane. They watch as Zim and Gaz go dancing by.]

Sam: [innocently] Who is that lovely girl?

Membrane: Never seen her before in my life. She is stunning, isn't she? [looks over at the cue card and his face turns beet red] Er…Why…if I were um… a young man…

Sam: [looks at him incredulously] Yes, dear?

Membrane: [glances at the electro-spear in her hand, and gulps very fakely] Oh…well…er…I'd, uh, be much younger, wouldn't I?

Sam: Yes, dear. [takes his hand]

[Cut to Tak, Red & Purple, watching as Zim and Gaz dance by] 

Purple: [sighs] Where did _she _come from?

Red: Never seen _her _before.

Tak: Still…there's something strangely familiar about that girl…

[Cut to Zim and Gaz again.]

"Ten Minutes Ago (Reprise)"

Zim & Gaz: But this spinning around makes me dizzy,

And I'm thinking this isn't so bad…

But now what am I saying??

Am I going insane??

It's the worst night that I've ever had!

It's the worst night that I have ever had!!

[The camera backs up and we see the whole ballroom, and the dancers are all going at it full-swing. It passes over the second floor of the ballroom, which is just a strip of flooring around the side of the room, kind of like in the malls. And there are people dancing there, too. The camera continues on to the pan across the room, passing over the outside wall so that we see a clear view of the garden, where Zim and Gaz have appeared, still dancing.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	7. Scene 7 - "Sisters' Rant" The Title says...

Scene 7: [We come back from commercials overlooking the gardens behind the ballroom. For a moment we see Zim and Gaz, who appear to be talking, or rather having an insult contest. Then their image blurs and the camera moves down to focus on Red and Purple, who're hiding behind some bushes, watching them. The music begins…]

"Sister's Rant"

Purple: Why would a fellow want a girl like her?

A girl not even Irken?

Why can't a fellow ever once prefer,

An Irken girl like him. [points at Red]

[They both poke their heads over the bushes.]

Red: There is something strange about her...

Something evil in her grin…

It just makes me wanna pound her!

I'd like to kick her in the shin!

Purple: [mocking shock] Oh! Oh!

[As they sing the chorus, they begin climbing through the bushes, which is no easy task, seeing as each of them is wearing a ridiculously poofy dress.]

Both: Why would a fellow want a runt like her?

So obviously abnormal.

Why can't the moron ever once prefer,

A normal girl like him! 

[As they sing the last line of the chorus, Red was trying to pull Purple through a space much too small for his dress. (And they have to point at each other at the last word, too!) Purple pops out and they both go tumbling out of sight, only to reappear a second later, peering over more bushes.]

Purple: Her looks are fantastic, I would think.

But no more fantastic than a mink's is.

Red: Her skill may be agile and…uh, stuff,

But no more impressive than a link's is.

Purple: Her hair is no softer than a fawn's.

Red: Her brain meats are anything but hazy.

Purple: Her grace is no better than a swan's.

Both: [jump up and sing loudly] 

So WHY is the moron going crazy??

[They realize they've been too loud and clamp a hand over each other's mouths. They let go and continue singing in more normal voices.]

Oh, why would a fellow want a brat like her?

So undeserving of him.

Why can't a fellow ever once prefer,

A worthy girl like him? [point at each other]

[They've made it past the bushes now and are peering around a large statue/fountain of Prof. Membrane.]

Purple: Something about her really bugs me…

It's girls like her that I despise…

If I could only get her near me…

Than I could poke her in the eyes!

Red: [grins, imagining it] Oh! 

Both: Oh, why would a fellow want a runt like her?

A girl not even Irken?

Why can't a fellow ever once prefer,

An Irken girl like him?

[Their voices get louder as they sing last three lines.]

What's the matter with him now?

What's the matter with him now?

What's the matter with him now?!?

[As they hold out the last note, Red realizes someone might hear them and shoves Purple, trying to get him to move. Purple isn't ready for it and trips over his dress and tumbles to the ground, dragging Red with him. They land in yet another confused heap on the floor, Red looking annoyed and Purple looking thoroughly uncomfortable.]

[Cut to Zim and Gaz, who have given up their insult contest for the moment and made their way back into the ballroom. They are heading for the buffet table, when Sam and Membrane cut in between them. Sam steers Zim off in one direction, while Membrane leads Gaz in another.]

Membrane: So…um…I hope that son of mine is behaving himself, miss.

Gaz: Well…as much as can be expected for a spoiled Prince.

Membrane: [not really hearing her] Ah yes…a chip off the old block, eh?

Gaz: Um…not really…I was wondering…how is it he's green and you and the Queen are both normal humans?

Membrane: It's a skin condition. Personally, I hope he grows out of it. [helps himself to a glass of punch] I think he likes you. His mother will be pleased. She wants to marry him off, you know.

Gaz: Likes me?!? Get real! We just spent the last musical number insulting each other.

Membrane: [seemingly preoccupied with his punch] Yes…he's quite a shameless flirter, isn't he?

[Cut to Zim and Sam, who are standing across the room. Zim is watching Gaz talk to Membrane. Sam looks pleased.]

Zim: What is he saying to her? Huh? Huh?

Sam: [shrugs] What does it matter? You said you weren't going to find a bride tonight.

Zim: I never said anything like that, Mother. You assume too much! I was merely curious as to what Father was saying.

Sam: Right. [short pause] She's cute isn't she?

Zim: [still watching Gaz & Membrane, and not really paying attention to what he's saying] Oh I suppose…I mean…er…I didn't notice.

[Cut back to Gaz & Membrane]

Membrane: …and so, that's how I invented the anti-gravity device we use on our carriages today. Fascinating, isn't it?

Gaz: [looking thoroughly bored] Um…yeah. Well, look, it's been fun and all, but I gotta go. [She zips off the screen, leaving Membrane still babbling about his inventions. In her hurry to escape, she knocks Dib over, who had been trying to elude Tak once more.]

Zim: [watching Gaz head back out into the garden in dismay] Where's she going?? [glares up at Sam] You did that on purpose!!

Sam: [looking innocently surprised] Did what??

Zim: You got Father to scare her off!! 

Sam: Why would I do that??

[Zim doesn't answer. He takes off after Gaz, trampling over Dib on his way.]

Membrane: [coming up beside Sam] I think she's wonderful.

Sam: Yes, they'll make quite a couple. [notices Dib, the crumpled heap on the floor, and says with concern, pointing at him] Who's that on the floor?

Membrane: Lionel, darling.

Sam: Oh. Ok then. [She takes Membranes arm and they walk off screen. Dib begins to pick himself up off the floor slowly. Then he notices Tak coming towards him and runs off screen as well. Tak gives chase.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	8. Scene 8 - Things Start to Get Mushy! ^_^

_A/N: Sorry about taking so long with this. I had my wisdom teeth pulled Monday and I'm still getting back into the swing of things. Don't worry, I'll work on this as often as I can. So...on with the show! ^_^_

Scene 8: [We come back from commercials out in the garden behind the ballroom. Gaz is standing by herself, glancing around her.]

Gaz: [muttering] Where are you, you stupid robot? What do I have to do to make you show yourself? Click my heels?

GIR: [pops up behind her] Nope! [floats around in front of her, as if lying on an invisible mat] What's up?

Gaz: Do I have to stay here until midnight?

GIR: [nearly falls out of the air in surprise] You wanna go home now? 

Gaz: Yeah.

GIR: [looking a little hurt] Why?

Gaz: I don't know what I came here looking for, but I sure as heck didn't find it. So can I go?

[At that moment, Zim appears in the doorway between the ballroom and the garden. He scans the area quickly and spots Gaz.]

Zim: There you are!

Gaz: Huh? [spins around, as GIR disappears in a cloud of gold dust] Oh…yeah…

Zim: [walking over to her] Were you leaving?

Gaz: I was trying to. But I don't think it's gonna happen.

Zim: Oh…good. 

Gaz: You mean you want me to stay?

Zim: Gak! [blushes] Um…of course not… It's just that…er…no one leaves until ZIM says so!! [He pumps his fists in the air. A wave of recognition sweeps over Gaz's face.]

Gaz: Are you…sure we haven't met? 'Cuz I feel like I know you.

Zim: Well, with all the girls Mother's thrown at me, I doubt if I'd ever remember all of them. I swear, it's like a contest to her…some sort of demented game. [waves his arms dramatically] Come compete for the Prince!! If you win, you get a free toaster oven!!

Gaz: [laughs]

Zim: You may think it's funny, but I'm sick of it. I don't want to get married…

Gaz: Ever?

Zim: Oh, I don't know… [finds himself blushing again] Maybe…someday…if I find someone worthy enough.

Gaz: Worthy? What's that supposed to mean? 

Zim: Well…it's…complicated…

Gaz: Complicated? This I've gotta hear. [seats herself on the edge of the Membrane fountain]

Zim: [thinks for a moment, and then waves his hand dismissively] There aren't any words for it. I'd just know… [begins pacing in front of her] First of all…she'd have to understand what it's like…living in someone else's shadow.

Gaz: [nods] Been there. Done that.

Zim: [stops pacing and looks at her] You have? How?

Gaz: My stepmother and stepsisters have kept me on a pretty tight leash since my father died… But I can tell you one thing – I'd much rather give orders than receive 'em.

Zim: So would I! 

[The two just stare at each other for a moment. Cut to Sam, standing off to one side, next to the camera man.]

Sam: I think this would be a good spot to insert the next number, eh? 

[The camera man nods and we cut back to Zim and Gaz, as the music starts playing softly.]

Zim: You know…I couldn't help notice…how pretty you look.

Gaz: Me? Pretty? [looks shocked and then grins embarrassedly] You really think so?

Zim: I don't know…maybe I'm imagining it…

"Do I Like You…?"

Zim: Do I like you because you're beautiful?

Or are you beautiful because I like you?

Am I crazy to think I see in you,

A girl to pretty to be really true?

Did I find you because I'm lonely now?

Or am I lonely now because I've found you?

Are you the strange delusion of an LSD?

Or are you really as likeable as you seem?

[Gaz stands up and looks hard at him. She shakes her head.]

Gaz: [speaking] I must be going crazy! [turns and walks a few steps away]

Zim: [speaking, and following after her] Why?

Gaz: [turns back and sings]

Do I like you 'cuz you're adorable?

Or're you adorable because I like you?

Am I crazy to think I see in you,

A boy to funny to be really true?

Did I find you because I'm lonely now?

Or am I lonely now because I've found you?

Are you the strange delusion of an LSD?

Or are you really as likeable as you seem?

[Zim hurries up to her and takes her hands in his, after a small jab from Sam's electro-spear.]

Zim: [speaking] I don't think either of us is on drugs…

Gaz: [speaking] You never know with these fanfic authors.

Zim: [speaking] Well, I hope you're real.

Gaz: [speaking] Me too. [they resume singing]

Both: Are you the strange delusion of an LSD?

Or Are you really as likeable as you seem?

[They hold the last note out and lean in towards each other…and then we cut to the clock, which Sam is moving ahead with her spear. It strikes midnight and she zips back off-screen.]

Gaz: [hearing the clock, pulls away from Zim] I gotta go. Sorry! [she runs off, back through the ballroom.]

Zim: What?? Wait!! [chases after her]

[Cut to interior ballroom, Sam, Membrane and Dib are standing on the main stair case as Gaz zips past, trampling Dib in the process.]

Membrane: Now where's she going in such a hurry?

Sam: [shrugs unconvincingly] I don't know, dear.

[Then Zim rushes past, also trampling over Dib. Sam grins as she watches Zim run past. Everything is going according to the script.]

[Cut to Gaz, tearing down the steps at the Palace entrance. As she reaches the bottom, her gown becomes rags once more. She looks down at herself and notices she still has one of the glass combat boots on.]

Gaz: [mutters] Oh great…how am I supposed to run with just one of these? [She shrugs and dashes off, past the spot where the Mercedes used to be. It's turned back into a rotten apple. Jhonen however has not been turned back into a bug.]

Jhonen: [watching her go] What gives?? [then he gets up off the ground and storms away, muttering to himself once more]

[As soon as Jhonen has made it off screen, Zim appears at the top of the stairs. He looks around sadly and the spots the glass combat boot a few steps down. He picks it up, wide-eyed.]

Zim: A glass…combat boot?? What is up with this story?? [then the music starts again and he realizes there's a reprise coming on]

"Do I Like You…? (Reprise)"

Zim: Did I find you because I'm lonely now?

[Cut to Gaz, who's already made it to the town square. She's sitting on a stone bench, with the combat boot she still had pulled off. As she rubs her sore foot, she sings her next line.]

Gaz: Or am I lonely now because I've found you?

[The next shot is a cool mixed image of both Zim and Gaz. Each is looking at the combat boot in their hands.]

Both: Are you the strange delusion of an LSD?

Or Are you really as likeable as you seem?

[The screen fades out Gaz's picture and we watch Zim carry his boot back up the steps. Then we cut back to Gaz, who is walking home without any shoes on now.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	9. Scene 9 - A Doomy Night: Gaz shows just ...

Scene 9: [We come back from commercials at the gate of Gaz's house. Tak, Red and Purple have just gotten off their carriage and are walking down the path through the front yard to the garden.]

[Cut to the inside of the house, as Gaz opens the door and the three walk in. Gaz has no shoes on (just FYI), just her stocking-things.]

Tak: What a night!! What a perfectly wonderful night! [tosses her purse to Gaz]

Purple: Like a dream! [tosses his bouquet (which has long since lost all it's flowers) to Gaz.]

Red: Couldn't have been better. [tosses his bouquet to Gaz]

Gaz: [trying to hide her grin as she puts their things away] Did you get to dance with the Prince?

Purple: Only about an hour. [sits down on a couch in the living room]

Red: [sitting next to him] An hour??

Purple: Didn't you?

Red: Well…if you did…then I did.

Tak: [sits across from them] I certainly wouldn't be surprised if the Prince chose one of you girls for his bride!

Gaz: [snickers] Did you know everybody there?

Tak: Of course… [frowns] Except some Princess Something-or-other…I never did catch her name.

Gaz: A Princess, huh? Did she dance with the Prince? Did he like her?

Tak: Ha!! Not that I noticed. Now tell me…Gazella [frowns suspiciously] …what have you been doing all evening?

Gaz: Oh… [shrugs] Not much. Mostly I spent imagining what it was like at the ball.

Purple: There's no way you could know unless you were there.

Red: You just _can't _imagine.

Gaz: Well…I would think the Prince would be in the middle of a huge room. There'd be people dancing all around him and a long line of girls waiting to dance with him. The King and Queen would be sitting off to one side, and the Queen would have a giant spear in one hand, just incase anybody wasn't following her script.

[Red and Purple look at each other, wide-eyed. The music starts.]

"A Horrid Night"

Purple: It was that way…

Red: Just like you say…

Tak: She talks like she was there. 

Gaz: I wouldn't know if that were so. I really couldn't care…

[The music picks up and she begins walking around the room as she sings, her stepsisters following her with their eyes. Tak is pretending not to be interested.]

I would guess that when you come into the grand hall – 

And the hall itself is spinning round and round –

If you're not swept up in all the stupid dancing,

You come face-to-face with the Prince on the ground.

You can't help but feel the crowd is staring at you,

And you wish you hadn't dared to take this chance.

You are thinking how a getaway would please you,

When the Queen shows up and forces you to dance…

[Gaz holds a hand out towards her sisters. Purple clambers around the couch and scoops Gaz into his arms, twirling her around the room.]

Gaz: [speaking] And when you dance, you always have to take the lead, because he doesn't know a thing about dancing.

Purple: [speaking] That's exactly right! [he hands Gaz over to Red, who continues the spinning]

Gaz: [speaking] And you wish the orchestra would slow it down, because you feel sea-sick during the whole thing!

Red: [speaking] That's so true! [He sets Gaz down on the ground and Purple, still swept up in the moment, takes her place.]

Gaz: [spins around a few times on the floor, trying to get her balance. She puts a hand on the couch to steady herself, and then says] And then the world turns into a blur and you feel like you're the only two people left in the room…

[The singing begins again. Red and Purple stop their clumsy waltzing to listen to Gaz.]

Gaz: A horrid night.

A doomy night.

More wretched night you know you'll never see.

You meet the Prince,

A spoiled Prince.

More jerky than you thought he'd ever be.

The hems of a hundred ball gowns,

Swirling around you,

While he's signaling,

"Speed up the tempo."

You say, "Get lost."

Out the door you're tossed.

But on the steps you leave one shoe.

You wonder what good will it do?

Horrid, doomy night.

[The tempo picks up again as Red and Purple start dancing around each other]

Purple: A horrid night. (Red: How horrid!)

A doomy night. (Red: How doomy!)

More wretched night you know you'll never see. (Red: How horrid.)

You meet – 

Red: - the Prince.

Purple: A spoi – 

Red: - led Prince.

Tak: [stepping in between them. They begin spinning around her]

More jerky than you thought he'd ever be.

The hems of a hundred ball gowns,

Red: Swirling around you,

Tak: While he's signaling,

Purple: "Speed up the tempo."

Gaz: [who's climbed on top of the dining room table]

You say, "Get lost."

Out the door you're tossed.

Red & Purple: [rushing to her side]

But on the steps you leave one shoe.

Tak: [eyes narrowing]

You wonder what good will it do?

Gaz, Red & Purple: Horrid, doomy night!!

[As they hold the last note, the camera cuts back quickly between them and Tak over and over.]

Tak: STOP THIS!! [The music halts. Gaz, Red & Purple look up, surprised] Most ridiculous nonsense I've ever heard. All of it, garbage and idiocy!

Purple: But Mother – 

Tak: [eyes burning] And you two! Listening to her – hanging on her words!!

Red: Yeah but –

Tak: Go to your rooms this instant! 

[Red and Purple hurry upstairs nervously. Gaz climbs off the table, and Tak walks over to her.]

Tak: And as for you…I don't know where you get the nerve to go traipsing around here like you own the place. After your father died I swore I'd put an end to it.

Gaz: My father – 

Tak: Your father was a fool. He spoiled you rotten and filled your head with childish fantasies that will never come true. It's high time you learned your place in life. You're nothing. Your _mother_ was nothing and so are you. And you never will _be _anything. So just get used to it. 

[Tak turns and walks off screen. Gaz looks as if she's been slapped. She turns and walks back into the kitchen numbly. She slides the doors to the kitchen shut, once inside…and just loses it.]

[She smashes chair legs. She breaks dishes. She literally tears the room to shreds. And when she's finished, she looks around at the mess before her, breathing heavily. Then she falls to her knees. Tears are streaming down her cheeks and making tiny wet-marks on the floor.]

[The camera backs up to show the whole room.] [Cut to Commercials.]


	10. Scene 10 - Same Problem, Different Solut...

Scene 10: [We come back from commercials with a brief shot of the palace under the night sky. Cut to interior ballroom. It's empty except for the servants who are cleaning it up, and Zim. We zoom slowly in on Zim, who is sitting on the bottom steps of the main staircase, staring sadly at the glass combat boot in his hands.]

[We see the hem of a green dress sweep the stairs behind him.]

Sam's voice: [as only the hem of her dress is on-screen] Darling…are you all right?

Zim: [still staring at the boot] I found her…and then I lost her…I should have never come to this stupid ball.

Sam: [sits down next to him and put one arm around him] Zimeriah…just because things didn't go perfectly tonight doesn't mean your life's over. Now it's half past three…why don't you come to bed?

Membrane: [coming up on Zim's other side with a bitten sandwich in hand] Or at least have something to eat.

Zim: I can't. I can't eat or sleep until I've found her again. [looks up from the boot] _Boy_, does that sound cheesy!

Membrane: [sitting down, taking a bite of sandwich (I'm not sure how, though)] Mmm…cheese…

Sam: [gives Membrane a funny look, then turns back to Zim] Honey…it's a nice sentiment…but we don't know where to even _begin_ looking! You didn't know a thing about her before tonight –

Membrane: And you don't know a thing about her now.

Sam: Except that she's pretty. And all the girls here tonight were just a pretty.

Zim: [turns quickly to look at Sam, looking disgusted at her for saying that] I don't want to hear it Mother! I don't care about anyone else – I care about her.

Sam: But it's impossible – 

Membrane: You may never find her.

Zim: [looking between them] Don't even _say_ that!! I have to find her. I need to find her. There something about her that's unlike anyone you've ever forced me to meet…

Sam: All right, Zimeriah…but just consider carefully first… [the music begins…it's Sam's turn to sing! (I actually have a nice Soprano voice, or so I've been told. ^_^)]

"Do I Like You…? (Reprise)"

Sam: Do you like her because she's wonderful?

Or is she wonderful because you like her?

Is she the strange delusion of an LSD?

Or is she really as likeable as she seems?

[The music quiets again and Zim stares at the floor, considering everything. After a moment, he turns back to Sam]

Zim: I've always been looking for something…and I think I might have found it in her…I'm not sure what it is, but she has it.

Membrane: [finishes with his sandwich] That settles it then! You'll just have to find her again! [picks up the combat boot] If only this boot had a bit of DNA I could trace…

Zim: The boot! That's it! [grabs the boot back] I'll try this boot on every filthy stink female in the Kingdom! The one it fits will be her!! [jumps up, holding the boot high]

Sam: Um…wouldn't you recognize her if you saw her? Couldn't you eliminate girls that didn't look like her?

Zim: [wrapped up in his own brilliance, he doesn't hear her] I'm genius!! We must start the search at once!! 

[Zim turns and dashes up the stairs, running into Dib at the top of them.]

Dib: Your Highness, I don't have good news. No one seems to know who she is or where she's from…

Zim: Silence!! Come, Lionel! We're going to try this boot [holds it out to Dib, who takes it, confusedly] on every girl in the Kingdom until we find the one that fits it!

Dib: [looking at the boot, completely baffled] A glass…combat boot?? Who would be crazy enough to dance in glass combat boots??

[Cut back to the bottom of the stairs, the camera looking down at Sam & Membrane.]

Sam: Just do as the Prince says, Lionel. Don't ask questions.

[Cut back to Dib and Zim]

Dib: [sighs] Yes, Your Majesty.

Zim: [claps his hands together] Excellent!! [starts to walk off] Come, big-head boy! We have much to do!! We've got a lot of ground to cover if we're going to find my bride by morning!

Dib: [groans and follows after him, muttering] Why does this sound like such a stupid idea?

Zim's voice: [after they've both disappeared off screen] Probably because _you_ didn't think of it.

[Cut back to Sam & Membrane.]

Sam: [leans her head on Membrane's shoulder, smiling contently] Very nice work, dear.

Membrane: You were right. That "reverse-psychology" stuff worked like a charm.

Sam: It should…you invented it.

Membrane: I did? [pauses to think] Oh yes, I did. Back in the days of fossil fuel!

Sam: [laughs and hugs him] Oh, _you_!

[Cut to a quick exterior of Gaz's house under the still night sky. Cut to interior trashed kitchen. Gaz is still sitting on the floor in the center of the room, the tear streaks dried on her face. A long low whistle is heard and she jerks her head up quickly. GIR is seated on top of a pile of rubble that used to be the table, looking around the room.]

GIR: You made a biiiiiiig mess…

Gaz: [sniffles and wipes her nose on her sleeve] Yeah, so?

GIR: Aww…are you sad??

Gaz: [shifts position and hugs her knees, staring at the floor] Just leave me alone.

GIR: No, no, no. I'm here to help again!

Gaz: I don't want anymore of your help. A fat lot of good it's done me so far.

GIR: You didn't think that at the ball.

Gaz: Just shut up and leave me alone!!

GIR: [cringes as she yells at him, then straightens up] Hmph. You were all happy and stuff before the short green lady said those mean things.

Gaz: [surprised] How did you know –? 

GIR: And I was coming here to tell you how you could be all good and happy and stuff again…but nooooo…you don't want help no more…so…no more!! [he vanishes in a cloud of gold dust]

Gaz: [getting halfway to her feet] No wait!!

GIR: [reappears in another cloud, standing on top of a pile of broken chairs] Yeeeessss???

Gaz: What were you going to tell me?

GIR: You want help now?

Gaz: Yes, I…I need help…tell me how I can get out of here.

GIR: [disappears and reappears right in front of her. She falls back onto her rear, startled] That's easy! Right out there!! [points at the door to the back yard]

Gaz: [looks at the door] What? Just leave? Sorry, but it's not that simple.

GIR: Yes it is!! You just get all your stuff and go out the door and say "BYE BYE BYE!!" Hehehehe! Just like that!

Gaz: But…my stepmother…

GIR: Aw, what's she gonna do? You find your Princey Charming and she'll be all gone!! 

Gaz: Hey…that's right…she couldn't do a thing…but…

GIR: [who had been doing a little victory dance with his wand, stops and look at her] What?

Gaz: The Prince…what if he didn't…you know, like me…after he found out who I was? I'd be out on the streets…

GIR: Nooooo, Mr. Wand says he liiiikes you! And Mr. Wand always knows!! Hehehehe!! [waves his wand in Gaz's face]

Gaz: Um…if you say so…

GIR: Yup! I do! Now I go Bye-Bye!!! And then you go Bye-Bye, kay?? OK!! [he disappears in yet another gold cloud and Gaz is left alone, sitting on the kitchen floor, once more]

Gaz: [picking herself up] Well…I guess I don't have much other choice now…

[She goes over to the far wall, and presses the hidden button, revealing her gaming corner. She pulls a big trunk out from under a cupboard and begins packing away all of her stuff into it.]

Gaz: This is it, guys… [talking to the gaming stuff] We're outta here. [Cut to Commercials.]


End file.

Invader Zim, Humor, Parody