Harry Potter The Life of a Fleurmione Sue

**_A/N: _**_Ohh so I'm back too! And with a repost of this story, for Yoshiyuki Ly's lovely twentieth birthday! Fun, love, and parodies for all, but especially for her today! _

Hermione just knew it; she knew it with all of her heart and soul and brain prowess that she was in love. She was in love. With a beautiful French Veela girl whose name she knew not. They hadn't even met before.

But that would change soon…she knew it…

Hermione Granger was sitting in the comfort of her Head Girl dormitory, because it was her Fourth Year and everyone loved her so much to bend the rules, sitting in her snuggly bed with a cup of tea in hand and laptop on her lap. eHarmony was THE place to be, because it was nearing Halloween and she still hadn't found a date to the Yule Ball that was no doubt going to come up. There has been no mention of the Triwizard Tournament from Headmaster Dumbledore.

But Hermione _knew _things. Knew things she did.

But Hermione did NOT know that eHarmony did not ask for women seeking women! This was an outrage! Hermione was supposed to for see this, because she is all-knowing and awesome! Hmph. No matter. Hermione huffed and decided to log on to mugglenet's chatroom for no apparent reason instead.

In the mIRC #rp channel, where zero role-playing was occurring, sat the inconspicuous Brainiac1979, reading the chats of various people in the room. Their conversations were quite sexual and profane, and slightly difficult to follow, but Hermione was determined to know everything.

* Joins: Brainiac1979 (iknowilookgoodbutstopstaring(at)myass . com)

(20:08:19) **PARiS_HiLTON** guys brb rr

(20:08:25) **TheMagicalEmo** kk

(20:08:35) **obiWONWONkenobi** so harry did u ever ask mione for me?

(20:08:50) **TheMagicalEmo** um no i told u to ask her i cant

(20:09:20) **obiWONWONkenobi** but u no i cant and she lieks u more

(20:09:38) **TheMagicalEmo** ron i already told u she will say yea

(20:09:48) **obiWONWONkenobi** shes in er room now should i go ask ?

(20:10:00) **TheMagicalEmo** no u need practice. one of u girls say somethin

(20:10:10) **Gyllian** o_o What?

(20:10:15) **TheMagicalEmo** not u neville i said a girl

(20:10:20) **Gyllian** O sorrie.

(20:10:21) **obiWONWONkenobi** fleur bac?

(20:10:29) **TheMagicalEmo** fleur wouldnt

(20:10:34) **obiWONWONkenobi** but shes hot

(20:10:52) **TheMagicalEmo** weve never even met her before and u think shes hot?

(20:11:00) **obiWONWONkenobi** she sounds hot

(20:11:09) **TheMagicalEmo** n wot about mione?

(20:11:17) **obiWONWONkenobi** idk her hair bugs me. could stuff a mattress with that stuff

(20:12:00) **PARiS_HiLTON** ok back

(20:12:03) **TheMagicalEmo** wb git

(20:12:03) **Gyllian** wb

(20:12:04) **obiWONWONkenobi** wb slimy bastard

(20:12:08) **chingchongchang** wb hon

(20:12:10) **hategood** wb

(20:12:10) **Edd** wb

(20:12:20) **chingchongchang** ced answer ur po

(20:12:21) **PARiS_HiLTON** thx minions

(20:12:26) **Edd** o sorry

(20:12:35) **Gyllian** Is that why you two have been so quiet all this time?

(20:12:36) **Edd** no

(20:12:36) **chingchongchang** um no

(20:12:42) **Gyllian** Lol okay.

(20:12:44) **obiWONWONkenobi** dam man fleur still isnt back

(20:13:00) **PARiS_HiLTON** y do u need to talk to fleur?

(20:13:10) **TheMagicalEmo** cuz he needs practice

(20:13:20) **PARiS_HiLTON** weasley i could give u some tips

(20:13:31) **obiWONWONkenobi** its for mione tho so no thx

(20:13:42) **PARiS_HiLTON** o i thought u were finally comin out of the closet

(20:13:49) **obiWONWONkenobi** no im straight

(20:14:00) **PARiS_HiLTON** forget i said that then

(20:14:10) **TheMagicalEmo** malfoy u hoe

(20:14:12) **PARiS_HiLTON** wat

(20:14:16) **TheMagicalEmo** nothin…

(20:14:16) **obiWONWONkenobi** malfoys obviously gay wateva. fleur back yet?

(20:14:20) **MerdUH** What?

(20:14:25) **obiWONWONkenobi** i need help

(20:14:28) **MerdUH** Obviously.

(20:14:43) **obiWONWONkenobi** no no i mean culd u n me cyber real quik so i kno wot its liek?

(20:14:45) **MerdUH** Non.

* obiWONWONkenobi inches closer to her and puts his hand down her shirt

* chingchongchang starts rubbing against him

(20:14:53) **hategood** ew gross, Ron

(20:14:54) **PARiS_HiLTON** LOL

(20:14:54) **Gyllian** Lmao, perv.

(20:14:55) **MerdUH** I told you I'm a lesbian, you idiot. And what the hell, Cho?

(20:15:00) **Edd** lol wtf lag?

(20:15:06) **chingchongchang** wrong room sry. mt

(20:15:12) **obiWONWONkenobi** thats why im trying with u! i think miones a lesbian

(20:15:15) **MerdUH** Who is 'miones'?

(20:15:30) **TheMagicalEmo** he means our friend hermione

(20:15:50) **hategood** Hermione already knows who shes in love with

(20:16:30) **PARiS_HiLTON** duh she loves fleur

(20:16:33) **MerdUH** Me?

(20:17:01) **PARiS_HiLTON** yea. idiot granger knows everything.

(20:17:04) **MerdUH** I've never even met her before.

(20:17:10) **TheMagicalEmo** but mione knows EVERYTHING

(20:17:15) **Gyllian** Fleur, you're coming for the Triwizard Tournament, right?

* obiWONWONkenobi is now emoWONWONcomeholdme

* TheMagicalEmo sighs and gives ron a hug

(20:36:14) **emoWONWONcomeholdme** thx harry ur my best mate

(20:40:07) **Gyllian** Awe.

(20:40:10) **hategood** how cute

(20:45:29) **MerdUH** Wait a minute, Neville was talking to ME. Attention is on ME, NOT YOU.

(20:45:35) **emoWONWONcomeholdme** srry fleur

(20:45:59) **Edd** fluer how coem ur so mean?

(20:46:03) **MerdUH** It's FLEUR.

(20:46:09) **Edd** whatever...

(20:46:14) **MerdUH** Anyway, I'm not mean. I'm just gothic.

(20:46:25) **TheMagicalEmo** sweet, Gothic!Fleur. n Gangster!Fleur by ur name

(20:46:29) **MerdUH** Whatever.

(20:46:30) **Gyllian** Lol.

(20:50:08) **PARiS_HiLTON** hey guys someone entered the room like 10 mins ago. newb didnt say hi so i could humiliate them properly.

(20:50:14) **Edd** say hi newb

(20:50:15) **chingchongchang** a lot longer then 10 men

(20:50:20) **chingchongchang** mins*

(20:50:20) **PARiS_HiLTON** whatever u n ced r 2 busy cyberin so shut up

(20:50:20) **Brainiac1979** Ron, you're dead.

(20:51:00) **emoWONWONcomeholdme** huh

(20:51:06) **TheMagicalEmo** lol so much for hi, newb

(20:51:10) **Brainiac1979** What is a newb?

(20:51:20) **Gyllian** I thought Hermione knew everything?

(20:51:25) **hategood** she does

(20:51:25) **MerdUH** Hermione?

(20:51:28) **Brainiac1979** Yes?

(20:51:30) **Edd** …

(20:51:30) **TheMagicalEmo** ….

(20:51:31) **PARiS_HiLTON** LOL

* Parts emoWONWONcomeholdme (smartiehandmedownpants(at)inthecloset . gov)

(20:51:00) **chingchongchang** lol

(20:51:02) **Gyllian** Lol, figures.

(20:51:30) **hategood** nice one

(20:51:30) **MerdUH** You're Hermione?

(20:51:32) **Brainiac1979** Yes.

(20:51:39) **MerdUH** I must meet you when I go to your school for the Triwizard Tournament. We shall fall in love. I'm horribly beautiful, available, and I'm a lesbian, but no one else seems to be even mildly interested in me. It makes me sad.

(20:51:44) **Brainiac1979** Okay, sure. What's your name? Fleur?

(20:51:49) **MerdUH** Yea, Fleur Delacour.

(20:51:55) **Brainiac1979** How can I talk to you in private?

(20:51:56) **Edd** cho u said u cant cum anymore stop being a god

(20:51:57) **Edd** oops mt

(20:52:02) **PARiS_HiLTON** LOL will u guys just leave this channel? if i see one more miss type from u two im waking up snape to have u banned

(20:52:05) **chingchongchang** whatever malfoy

(20:52:06) * MerdUH : click over to the new room. I sent you an invite.

(20:52:10) **MerdUH** There you go.

(20:52:15) **Brainiac1979** What was Ron trying to do just now?

(20:52:22) **MerdUH** Idk, something perverted. He's gross to me. But now I think he's going to be insanely jealous that you like me and not him.

(20:52:25) **Brainiac1979** I like you?

(20:52:27) **MerdUH** Obviously.

(20:52:35) **Brainiac1979** Are you a French Veela?

(20:52:36) **MerdUH** Yes.

(20:52:42) **Brainiac1979** Oh, good! I just knew I have to be in love with you! I felt it, you know?

(20:52:49) **MerdUH** Of course, Hermione. I know everything, too. We're perfect. For each other, too.

(21:52:50) **Brainiac1979** I love you.

(21:52:59) **MerdUH** Brb.

(21:53:02) **Brainiac1979** Okay.

(22:13:49) **MerdUH** I love you, too.

(22:03:52) **Brainiac1979** I think…I'm going to cry, Fleur.

(22:03:54) **MerdUH** Why?

(22:03:59) **Brainiac1979** No one's ever told me they love me before and meant it so much!

(23:03:59) **MerdUH** Oh, Hermione you're so cute when you act modest! Will you go out with me?

(23:03:59) **Brainiac1979** Yes, yes, YES!

(23:03:09) **MerdUH** Ah, good. I will definitely be there for the Triwizard Tournament no one has mentioned quite yet tomorrow evening. I will be in my flying carriage, anxious to meet you.

(23:03:12) **Brainiac1979** I can't wait. I'll see you tomorrow.

(23:03:15) **MerdUH** Yes, I'll see you then, my love.

* * *

"OH MY GOSH!"

"OHHH MY GOSH!"

"OHHHHHH WHERE'S MY TOAD?"

"YES!"

"MERLIN'S BEARD SHE'S FINE!"

"VEELA!"

Hermione rolled her eyes at the activity in the Great Hall during dinner that night; people were so caught up in whispering to each other about whether Fleur was really a Veela or not. Not to mention the fact that the girl still hadn't arrived yet, as if that even mattered. Just the prospect of her arrival, which seemed to spread to the school oddly quickly from last night's chatting session, seemed to do the trick.

Hermione found herself growing oddly jealous of the attention her virtual girlfriend was receiving, and suddenly grew very irritable and unpleasant.

"'Mione, pass the—"

"Get it yourself, Ronald."

"Bloody hell, what's wrong with YOU?"

"Well isn't it just SO obvious, Mr. I-like-to-cyber-with-other-peoples'-girlfriends?"

"HEY! She was not your girlfriend at the time!"

"Hmph." Hermione was not pleased.

"Okay, okay. You're really irritable and unpleasant right now, so I'm sorry."

"You're really sweet, Ron. You know that?"

"Wait! No! I'M irritable and unpleasant now."

"Why?"

"I just remembered that I'm supposed to be horribly jealous of you two."

"Oh you are such an immature prat!"

Hermione and Ron engaged in an intense staring match that lasted approximately three point zero zero seven seconds in between Harry sighing emo'ly and shying away from resolving things. Only Ginny talking loudly and, might I add, profanely with Neville close by made them snap out of it. Ron had given up all hopes of trying to rectify his baby sister; she was forever destined to be a slutty meanie head.

What did this have to do with Ron and Hermione's intense staring match, you ask? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.

"So Harry, where were you all day?" Ron asked in earnest.

"Oh," Harry sighed. "Malfoy needed some help with his chihuahua again. She's not doing so well these days."

"Ohh," Hermione and Ron said somberly, their argument long forgotten.

"Yeah," Harry said, sniffling. "S-so I may be helping him a little more than usual."

"For extended hours, I reckon?" Ginny asked loudly from the other side of the table.

"How can you hear me?" Harry shouted, annoyed. Hermione and Ron looked at each other fearfully; it was no secret that Ginny was quite the box of gossip. This is how.

"I hear everything," Ginny nodded. "Like I heard something other than a doggie whimper in the broom closet on the third floor."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Yes you do. And there's no need to scream, Harry. But you were screaming something _else _in there—"

"VEELAAAAAA!"

"VEEEEELAAAAA!"

"I'M PREGNANT WITH HAGRID'S BABY!"

"OH EM JEEEE!"

"VEELA VEEEEELAAAA VEEEELAAAA!"

Hermione tensed up while every other person in the room whipped around to the double doors. Fleur Delacour gracefully strode in with her ripped jeans and Evanescence T-shirt, along with an ensemble of attractive, shirtless, pants-less men minus unusually small thongs. The men, along with every other boy in the Great Hall, broke out into song and while the beautiful blonde with huge blue eyes and perfect skin and perfect hands and perfect EVERYTHING floated down the aisle to the staff table.

Jealousy coursed through Hermione's veins, even if that WAS her girlfriend whom she was too angry and jealous at to appreciate. There was a very strange feeling in the back of her head that came about her while she scowled and fumed at Fleur.

Soul mates? Hmm. Perhaps!

**SHE LOOKS LIKE A MODEL, EXCEPT SHE'S GOT A LITTLE MORE ASS! DON'T EVEN BOTHER! UNLESS YOU GOT THAT THING SHE LIKES! I HOPE SHE'S GOING HOME WITH **_**US **_**TONIGHT!**

**THOSE FLASHING LIGHTS COME FROM EVERYWHERE! THE WAY THEY HIT HER WE JUST STOP AND STARE! SHE'S GOT US LOVESTONED, MAN WE SWEAR SHE'S BAD AND SHE KNOWS!**

**WE THINK THAT SHE KNOWS!**

_**TOO BAD SHE'S A LESBIAN IN LOVE WITH HERMIONE GRANGER!**_

And the boys proceeded to sigh and weep whilst they stopped singing as Fleur reached the end of the aisle. Fleur turned to face everyone and gave a small curtsey, and the men all sighed and melted into a rather disgusting goo that grumpy old Filch had to come mop up. Fleur paid him to mind whilst she waltzed over to a disheveled Dumbledore.

Hermione was simply baffled as to how the gossip was able to spread so fast! She did NOT for see this! Her over-analytical mind was on fire, leaving her completely unable to savor the truth that her beautiful VEELA! girlfriend was here and sexy. She proceeded to hiss to herself under her breath while Ron was trembling with fury and jealousy. Harry was busy glaring at Ginny, who just winked and grinned suggestively at him.

"Dumbly-dorr, I 'ave arrived!"

"I wasn't serious, you know…"

"What?" Fleur was scandalized. Dumbledore flinched.

"Th-there is no Triwizard Tournament this year. Didn't Madame Maxime tell you not to come?"

"I just thought she was being humorous. After all, she made all the effort to escort me here."

"Where's your accent, hm?" Snape asked darkly.

"Oh! Of course, what am I zinking? You sneaky man!" Fleur chortled with a casual wave of her hand.

"Err…you're not angry, Miss Delacour?" Dumbledore asked.

"Mais non, voyons! I could not be 'appier! What better excuse to stay in zis dreary, dingy castle to 'ave fun wiz rule-bending and openly displaying my love for my soul mate!"

"Rule-bending?" McGonagall asked crossly.

"Oui. Speaking of which, I demand living quarters!"

"B-but," Dumbledore protested. Fleur rose her sculpted eyebrow in quite the dangerous angle, and his words died in his throat.

"And I demand a spot of auzority!"

"You could be Head Girl," Snape said positively.

"But Miss Granger is Head Girl!" McGonagall bit back; she HAD to defend her best student, after all. Even if said student was still busy hissing to herself under her breath, completely oblivious to the current conversation.

"Well, Minerva, you know how these things work," Snape said conversationally. "Fleur and Granger are in love and can only form a solid relationship if they are forced to compete and or have the same living quarters. So, Fleur also needs to be Head Girl."

"Why not just make her Head Boy?" McGonagall defended with a suspicious amount of irritation. Snape flashed his eyes at her knowingly before continuing. Meanwhile, Fleur began wondering if she had been too caught up in her body shimmers to not remember telling Snape her first name. Oh well. They were arguing over her.

"You know Crabbe is Head Boy, Minerva. I refuse to allow you to take my best students' glory from him."

"HEY!" Draco shouted while in the middle of sneaking out of the Hall with no one in particular. Certainly not The Boy Who Lived. No, no.

"Ignore him," Snape said dismissively. "The point is, either let Fleur be Head Girl with Granger, or I will become very upset and brooding for the next three pages."

"Fine, Severus," McGonagall sulked. Snape and Fleur smiled victoriously. "Fleur, you may room with Crabbe. I'm sure you two will get along just fine."

"Err…" Fleur stared at her, confused. Snape was too busy practicing his bang grooming to notice.

"So it's settled. You are in Slytherin now. You may go sit with your kind now," McGonagall sighed, shooing Fleur away with her hand.

"But what about my girlfriend? I cannot form a healthy and/or slightly stifled relationship with her if I can't see her twenty four hours a day!"

"Goodness, you French keez! Fine! Have your room! But I refuse to let you be a part of my house!"

"Are you _jealous, _Minerva?" Flitwick giggled. McGonagall became oddly tense, and Fleur backed away a little; this professor was not one to bitch with.

"Fine, I'll be in Slyzerin. As long as I can room wiz my girlfriend."

"Of course," McGonagall said with gritted teeth. Flitwick was still giggling, and Snape was still grooming his bangs.

"Very well. Merci," Fleur said uncertainly while she made to walk down the aisle.

All Fleur had to do was turn her head, and her eyes immediately darted to Hermione, who finally stopped muttering under her breath. Fleur hadn't seen a picture of the girl, but she _knew _it had to be her. That head of hair, the way she just screamed _genius, _and her scowl! Fleur had no idea why the girl was scowling at her, but it was an immense turn on. The moment they locked eyes, they both felt a tingly sensation that automatically drew them to each other.

Fleur's body floated along the hall to Hermione's, and she sat right next to her, despite Ron's obvious signs of protest.

"You…" Hermione breathed, smoothing a hand down Fleur's perfect, glowing face. "You're Fleur…"

"Yes, ma chérie… I am. Did you feel that just now?"

"The tingle?"

"Oh. Well, sure. Zat."

"Yes, I did. What does it mean, Fleur?"

"It means you are my soul mate, 'Ermione. So I 'ope you know what zis means."

"We're together for life."

"Yes. And no threesomes."

"Of course, of course. I would never think of asking you for a threesome, let alone cheat on you!"

"You're so perfect for me, 'Ermione. I believe your 'ead over 'eel promises, and I love zat we are so lovey-dovey wiz each ozzer and it is only ze first chapter."

"Oh, Fleur…"

"'Ermione…"

They sighed romantically at each other and stared deep into the others' eyes for a long time that night in between more romantic sighs and more staring deeply into the others' eyes. The entire audience of the Great Hall stayed right with them. Harry, Ginny, and Neville were nowhere to be found, however. But no one really cares about them; only Fleur and Hermione matter.

Back to Fleur and Hermione – they were so happy to have found each other over the internet. So what if the Triwizard Tournament was cancelled? We all know that it's just a silly excuse some author made so that those odd people called Fleur/Hermione 'shippers' could have a tiny moment in canon.

But there was no bouillabaisse in this tender moment of their meeting. There were no feelings of animosity. As long as they were together, all attention was on them, and they felt in their heart that they were in for heaps and heaps of fluff.

Nothing could ever break them apart. They just _knew _it. They were perfect for each other, after all!

* * *

Fleur and Hermione were in their cozy dorm during the next school day, cozily cuddling together on the bed with their laptops. Class would start in about ten minutes. Online. Yes. Hogwarts has decided to contribute to the amassment of Bill Gates in exchange for posthumous gifts at a later date. It was Hagrid's idea, because he had fallen off his hut after being on his roof to try and peek at Fleur and Hermione making out somewhere nearby. He hadn't wanted to get too close, but the sight had him light headed and weak in the knees. It is now forbidden to walk the halls, at least for now. Staff didn't want any more casualties should Hermione and Fleur spontaneously decide to make out in the open again.

Due to the nature of this tragedy, it has been decided that the Wizarding community needed to be more open to sex and sexuality. Such events surely will not happen again if wizards had more coital knowledge and would not be so affected by such a sight. Webcams are not allowed at this time.

* Joins: PARiS_HiLTON (fatherpaysforthis(at)incesthotel . net)

(12:58:19) **hategood** isnt this nice? Online classes at a boarding school so we never have to leave the comfort of our dorms. father is going to make an article about it in the quibbler, how professor Hagrid was pushed off his hut by an angry mob of yacklytes.

(12:58:29) **PARiS_HiLTON** wtbh? i got put in a class with a Ravenclaw?

(12:58:35) **hategood** aww Malfoy you capitalized Ravenclaw!

(12:58:41) **chingchongchang** and u capitalized malfoy.

(12:58:45) **hategood** its his name. its only polite.

(12:58:45) **PARiS_HiLTON** TWO RAVECLAWS? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

(12:58:53) **Ronald** Malfoy. Please. You had no right to say such a thing.

(12:58:54) **Gyllian** Ravenclaws*.

(12:58:59) **PARiS_HiLTON** WEASLEY! who the hell do u think u are talking properly?

(12:59:10) **PARiS_HiLTON** LONGBOTTOM? There are three houses in this class! Theres only supposed to be two! CHANG AND LOONY ARENT EVEN IN OUR YEAR D:

* Joins: TheMagicalEmo (woewoewoeyourboat(at)gentlydownthescream . org)

(12:59:20) **Ronald** The server couldn't be split on time so they sent us all e-mails and told us to join specific channels. This is the one we all happened to be assigned.

(12:59:26) **PARiS_HiLTON** k forget the server. why are u talking properly?

(12:59:30) **Ronald** I had an epiphany.

(12:59:32) **chingchongchang** he wants hermione to notice him and say something.

(12:59:33) **xMione1979** fckmpghandh/'\-302

(12:59:35) **PARiS_HiLTON** lmao!

(12:59:36) **Ronald** Hermione! D:

(12:59:37) **chingchongchang** lol?

(12:59:40) **PARiS_HiLTON** THATS MY FACE, WEASELBEE

(12:59:43) **xFleur1977** Sorry, we're making out.

(12:59:50) **TheMagicalEmo** on hermiones laptop?

* Joins Ginger_ale (lavenderscentedginger(at)xoxoxo . net)

* Ronald is now Billius

(13:00:02) **PARiS_HiLTON** why is everyone changing there name? u two r gay for each other fine but this is ridiculous. n who the fuck is ginger ale?

(13:00:10) **Gyllian** I'll change my name if you want, Malfoy.

(13:00:13) **hategood** i think its cute how they have matching usernames actually

(13:00:13) **Ginger_ale** WON WON? Is that u?

(13:00:16) **PARiS_HiLTON** -_-

* Parts Billius (smartiehandmedownpants(at)inthecloset . gov)

(13:00:30) **PARiS_HiLTON** filthy idiot. we have class n like 10 mins. i thought they werent supposed to like each other until 6th yr?

(13:01:01) **PARiS_HiLTON** why is no1 saying anything? potter, u too busy making out with chang? lovegood n longbottom too?

* Parts Ginger_ale (lavenderscentedginger(at)xoxoxo . net)

(13:08:45) **xFleur1977** Great. I get my girlfriend all hot and bothered, then decide to tease her by actually paying attention here, only to find that Draco killed the chat. You're not funny.

(13:08:45) **xMione1979** No you're not.

(13:08:53) **PARiS_HiLTON** u have some secret powers that lets u know wot shes typing? u two said tht at the same time.

(13:09:01) **xMione1979** She just SAID we were making out! We'd have to be in the same room for that to happen, Malfoy!

(13:09:01) **xFleur1977** Idiot boy.

(13:09:07) **hategood** you know youre not very smart, Malfoy!

(13:09:10) **Gyllian** Lol.

(13:09:11) **PARiS_HiLTON** SHUT UP. who asked u?

(13:09:14) **TheMagicalEmo** wheres ron ; ;

(13:09:20) **chingchongchang** its ok harry. he will come bck for class for sure!

* Administrator : Joins English_Hoe (sssslytherinhhhhead(at)hogwarts . edu)

(13:09:30) **PARiS_HiLTON** oh fine, be mean to me. at least my tits aren't so big i go around stroking the keyboard with them by mistake

(13:09:45) **hategood** hello professor Snape!

(13:09:54) **PARiS_HiLTON** crap

(13:10:09) **Gyllian** Lol. Now whatever will Snape think of you, Malfoy?

(13:10:20) **xFleur1977** Mdr.

(13:10:35) **PARiS_HiLTON** tit typing again are we fleur?

(13:10:50) **xMione1979** She's not! Mdr happens to be the French equivalent of 'laugh out loud'!

(13:11:03) **xFleur1977** Oui. Mdr = morte de rie. Die of laughter.

(13:11:19) **TheMagicalEmo** are you telling us to die of laughter?

(13:11:30) **PARiS_HiLTON** no potter just u. please. now

(13:11:41) **Gyllian** That's not nice :o.

(13:12:02) **English_Hoe** Settle down. This is Fornication Studies for Magical Students.

(13:12:10) **TheMagicalEmo** huh

(13:12:22) **English_Hoe** Come now, Potter. Didn't you read the message I sent out? I spent a lot of time on those few lines.

(13:12:40) **chingchongchang** fornication class?

* Moderator : Joins Sinister_Starry_Sister (assanatomy(at)hogwarts . edu)

(13:12:59) **hategood** i thought this was the Sapphic Habits and Comfort class? it looked like Fleur and Hermione were the models

(13:13:30) **English_Hoe** Sinistra, I am bothered by your presence in my room. What is it?

(13:14:01) **Sinister_Starry_Sister** Excuse me! I am looking for my two students from Ravenclaw. Luna Lovegood and Chok Chang! If you two are present, please go to #sappho!

* Moderator : Parts Sinister_Starry_Sister (assanatomy(at)hogwarts . edu)

(13:14:20) **xMione1979** Well that was somewhat rude, coming from a teacher no less.

(13:14:35) **English_Hoe** Granger, no one asked you. Two points from Gryffindor.

(13:15:01) **Gyllian** I thought you had to say that when the student was right in front of you for the points to be taken away?

* Parts hategood (xenophobic(at)iamnot . com)

* Joins Ronaldo (smartiehandmedownpants(at)inthecloset . gov)

(13:15:02) **PARiS_HiLTON** LOL! chok chang like choke? choking on cedric's BOYHOOD? GOD i almost choked on my bacardi reading tht!

(13:15:05) **xFleur1977** Mdr!

(13:15:15) **TheMagicalEmo** malfoy thats just wrong. why cant you be nice?

* Parts chingchongchang (butterflykisses(at)onyourshaft . org)

(13:15:20) **xMione1979** FLEUR! I can't believe you're laughing at Cho!

(13:15:31) **PARiS_HiLTON** come now granger, she couldve been tit typing for all u no

(13:15:40) **Ronaldo** Maybe she was laughing about malfoy choking from dying of laughter?

(13:15:54) **TheMagicalEmo** fleur! so u did tell us all to die of laughter! n hi ron! wb!

(13:16:01) **Gyllian** Lmfao.

(13:16:04) **Ronaldo** Thanks mate! But I'm sitting on my bed here in the same room as you in case you forgot ^_^

(13:16:10) **English_Hoe** Silence.

(13:16:10) **xMione1979** NO! Fleur's laughing, busy sputtering like she's giving some man a…a blow job!

(13:16:20) * Gyllian gasps.

(13:16:31) **Ronaldo** Omg.

(13:17:00) **English_Hoe** All of you, I told you to settle down nearly seven minutes ago. If I'm interrupted again I will silence the room. And Miss Granger this is the second time you've spoken out of turn. Five points from Gryffindor for your atrocious vulgarities.

(13:17:01) **xMione1979** That's IT Fleur! I can't stand how inconsiderate you are! Oh house elves she won't stop laughing!

(13:17:09) **xFleur1977** ewfrybure2387bigut032]fpf/dfs,weufw

(13:17:19) **PARiS_HiLTON** see fleur i am funny! LOL u owe me for saying im not!

* #fornication is now silent. All text inputted by normal users will no longer compute to the server. Only Moderators or Administrators are allowed to speak.

(13:20:00) **English_Hoe** Now. Fornication Studies should benefit you all in your futures, once you begin to explore the endless boundaries of one another. If you have any spatial recognition motor skills whatsoever, you will notice that males appear to have an object that can fit inside of a woman most securely. That bond is addicting, and if you don't mind your hormones, there will be far too many of you running about the halls in nine months' time. I will be most upset if this were to happen.

(13:22:09) **English_Hoe** The rules of Fornication are very delicate. Should you ever decide you wish to bring someone a most painful humiliation, fornication against their will is a wise choice, but is frowned upon. Nonconsensual Fornication is one of the most horrifying acts you can perform unto another witch or wizard. The Ministry of Magic is currently drafting out a bill for a new form of Azkaban to be built, for the NF violators.

(13:22:20) **English_Hoe** I have received a question via Private Owl on the nature of the planned name for this institution. I do not recall saying you could PO me, however. Ten points from Gryffindor, Mr. Longbottom.

(13:22:39) **English_Hoe** The Ministry has tentative plans of naming it Keezkaban. Do not ask me why.

(13:22:58) **English_Hoe** Mr. Malfoy, I believe your PO of asking Miss Granger's feminine insertion size was meant for Miss Delacour.

(13:24:00) **English_Hoe** I am sure Miss Delacour is there. She has to be if she wishes to pass the course. Mind your assumptions.

(13:24:29) **English_Hoe** There is nothing magical about Fornication. It is most vile and grotesque, morbid to the untrained ear and eye.

* Moderator : Joins Scottish_Hoe (grrrrryffindorhead(at)hogwarts . edu)

(13:26:49) **Scottish_Hoe** Professor Snape! I have received word by Private Owl that you have silenced the room and are ignoring Miss Granger's frantic POing! Miss Delacour is laughing herself to death!

(13:27:18) **English_Hoe** Laughing herself to death on what grounds?

(13:27:41) **Scottish_Hoe** On the GROUND of her and Miss Granger's dormitory! I cannot believe how inconsiderate you are being, Severus! WHY have you silenced the room? I will report this to the Headmaster if you do not louden the room this instant!

(13:28:08) **English_Hoe** -_-

* #fornication is now loud. All inputted text will now compute to the server.

(13:29:56) **PARiS_HiLTON** WOWOWOWOWO ROOMS SILENCED I CAN PUT IN WHATEVER I WANT LIKE HOW BLAISE TYPES WITH SKEETY FINGERS.

(13:30:03) **TheMagicalEmo** RON HAS A DATE WITH HERMIONE NOW BECAUSE SHE'S PO'D AT FLEUR

(13:30:03) **Ronaldo** HERMIONE IS STRAIGHT FOR MEEEEHH!

(13:30:04) **Gyllian** FLEUR EST MORTE? D:

(13:30:07) **xFleur1977** MDR! SPEW! Who names their society SPEW? PPM!

(13:30:10) **xMione1979** GOODNESS can't you all be QUIET? She's NOT dead, Neville!

(13:30:50) **xMione1979** HARRY! RON! I can't believe you two! I'm going to find you now even though the halls are all forbidden to walk through, including the Gryffindor Common Room!

(13:30:55) **Gyllian** I think you mistyped that =o.

* Parts xMione1979 (iknowilookgoodbutstopstaring(at)myass . com)

To be continued, in the Head Girl dormitory…

_**A/N:** BIG HAPPY, HAPPY TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY TO Yoshiyuki Ly! :D WELCOME BACK! To everyone else: REVIEW!_


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Harry Potter, Parody, Romance