One Piece 1. Introduction

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

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Franky built this thing for me!

Yeah… It's one of AWESOME inventions! Still can't beat meat though but whatever, Robin showed me how to go to this place called 'fanfiction'. I don't know what fiction is though, and are those fans like those big whirly things?

"_Why did you give that dumbass that kind of technology?" Nami covered her face with both hands, groaning in stress. _

"_Luffy isn't a complete idiot you know…" Franky admired his handiwork proudly. _

_Their captain poked the screen with a finger and was now looking to see if there was any resemblance to food. _

"_I take back what I said…" The cyborg sighed. _

_Robin said casually, eyeing Nami, "I heard that Luffy's quite popular in the other world, doing fan service might bring in a considerable amount of money."_

_Before long, Nami slammed a gigantic paperback onto the table in front of Luffy. He looked at her curiously – of all things she was giving him a book? The rest of the crew gasped, nobody has seen their captain go through more than one page of a book, except when exceedingly bored. Even then, he only looked at the cover page of Robin's history book. _

"_What's that Nami?"_

"_A dictionary." _

"_What's a dictionary? It looks boring…" _

_Gritting her teeth at the impossible task ahead, Nami said slowly so that her slow captain would surely understand. "I'm going to widen your extremely limited range of vocabulary." _

_Luffy cocked his head to the side. "Huh?" _

"_JUST LEARN!" Nami boxed him out of sheer irritability, the rest of her nakama stayed away for her that day – never get too close to their navigator's wrath. Unless your name is Monkey D. Luffy and a simpleton, that's a different matter. _

"_But I don't wanna read…" _

Nami is so scary. Nami is scary. Nami is scary. She made me read. I don't like reading, I hate it more than missing out on a new adventure.

Hello you wonderful readers, this is Nami, I'm sure you all love Luffy here so would you like to ask him a few of your questions! I'll make sure he does, anyway.

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**If some of you already read Ace's Monologue, I'm sure you'll like this! Had a stroke of inspiration on how the helll Luffy would even want to answer your questions in the first place, so kudos to Nami:D So with the help of his fellow crew, Luffy will finally answer your questions.**

**First of though, Luffy's capability of writing isn't that good, I would think, so his answer are going to be shorter and simpler (unlike Ace's), although there would be more character interaction here. Feel free to ask the rest of the straw hats as well, but in the end it's still LUFFY's monologue. **

**xx**


	2. Q&A 1

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

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**#1Portgas D. Paula**

**Hey Luffy! My name is Paulina, but call me Phoenix, everybody does.****Hmm... how do you feel about the members of your crew? And what about Ace? What do you feel about him joining the Whitebeard Pirates? And did you know that Ace uses , too? *smirks evilly* I think you should read it. You could probably find out a lot of interesting things about him. I promise to give you a meal ticket to an all-you-can-eat buffet if you do x)**

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"_Oi Nami! There're uh reviews here!" Luffy said in between mouthfuls of meat, splashing some sauce onto the brand new computer screen – causing Franky to go into hysterics. _

"_Alright Luffy, what have we learnt today?"_

_Wrinkling his forehead in concentration, Luffy paused. "Umm…" He stared at her tentatively. "How to describe meat…?" _

_Nodding encouragingly, Nami exhaled, "Yes yes, and?"_

"_Scrumpy, delicious, nice, tasty, quisite, mouthwater, yum yum." Nami held the urge to box him, she had to be patient. Her salary depended on his ability to learn properly. _

"_Well… you got half of it right." Luffy cheered, but Nami caught him back sharply, "But, first of, scrumpy isn't a word, it's scrumptious, and you missed out the 'ex' in exquisite, and mouthwater is not a noun, it's mouth-watering, yum yum is – Luffy are you LISTENING?!" _

"_Oh dear he fell asleep." Robin noted, while Chopper and Usopp took cover under the dining table. _

"_Yohohoho! I didn't know Luffy was that bad with words!" Brook said unhelpfully, gaining a hard punch from a steaming Nami. The two under the table winced involuntarily. _

"_Listen when Nami-san is speaking!" Sanji kicked his captain hard in the abdomen, causing him to wake up spluttering pieces of meat on a sleeping Zoro's face. _

I like all of them, even though Nami hits me a lot, and Sanji kicks me a lot, and Zoro scolds me a lot… Actually I don't know if I still like them anymore. But they are my nakama, so I'll protect them no matter what!

"_Awwww." Chopper and Usopp were genuinely touched, hugging Luffy tightly._

Ace is my older brother! He should have been in my crew… but then he would want to be captain, but I want to be captain! I don't mind, he looks like he's happy in his crew and I've got mind, he doesn't like me meddling with his life. He's always worried about me, I don't know why, he says I'm a stupid monkey. That's mean.

"_I'll have to agree with his brother…" Nami said, currently in her corner of depression._

What, Ace has a computer too? THAT'S SO COOL CAN YOU SHOW ME! I'm going to ask Franky, or else Nami will hit me again.

I like you already, are you sure about the all you can eat buffet? That is AWESOME! You rock!

"_Franky! Can you help me with something?" The blue-haired cyborg stopped his mechanic work, wondering why Luffy requested him. It can't be about food – Franky had it established that even if he is a cyborg, he cannot (I repeat) he cannot produce food. _

"_Ace has a computer too! Do you know where I can find him?" _

_Clicking expertly at a few links here and there, Franky managed to find Ace's Monologue with little difficulty. Luffy looked at a few sentences, then whined, "Why does Ace write so much! It's so hard to read…" _

"_That's because he's a lot smarter than you." Usopp suddenly said._

"_NO HE'S NOT!"_

"_Yes he is, you have the common sense the size of a flea." The sniper ran away as fast as he could before Luffy could register what he just said._

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**#2****MsWildLuck**

**Yo Luffy you are so cool just like your brother. Luffy do you know what romance is? What do you think of Nami ( anything special? Hehehe) can I ever visit you guys? Also luffy good luck with becoming the Pirate King * thumbs up***

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I know right, Ace is really cool! Romance? Do you mean by wearing an armour whenever you see one? THAT is romance! A true man's romance! Even Franky knows!

Nami? She's scary, right now she's the scariest thing ever. And she loves money, and mikans. She's a really good navigator, or else we'll probably be lost without her, so she's very important, and sometimes when I have those big fights she safe keeps my hat. I trust her a lot – I think.

"_Romance? It isn't what you're thinking Luffy…" Nami took out the same faded dictionary, slamming it on his fingers (not that it hurt anyway since he's made of rubber, they just flatten naturally). _

"_Research."_

"_Can't you just check it for me Nami?" Luffy asked pleadingly, obviously she shook her head firmly. _

_After reading through a few times, Luffy gave her a puzzled look. "I still don't get it. Is it like when Hancock asked me to marry me? Is that romance?" _

"_THE PIRATE EMPRESS ASKED YOU TO MARRY HER?!" Sanji screamed from a mile away, dropping all the plates in hand with a thunderous crash. Zoro actually laughed at the absurdity of everything, as Sanji's eyes were filled with utmost envy – and killing intent. _

"_Or was it the other way round…" The cook comforted himself, before Luffy said brightly "But I rejected her." _

_Sanji fainted. He'd enough of this for today. _

Of course you can visit! Where do you live? We're stopping at an island soon, right now we're at the middle of the sea though, it might be hard for you…

You believe I'll become Pirate King? AWESOME!

"_I'M GOING TO BE KING OF- "_

"_Yes we know, we know." Everyone interrupted him with expectant expressions._

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**#3****anonimous**

**There are a few I would like to know:****1. Luffy since you're able to every part of your body, does that include your hair?****2. This for the ENTIRE cast minus Luffy and Hancock: Is Hancock the only one with romantic feelings for Luffy?****If yes to the 2nd qeustion, how many?**

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Umm I"ll assume that you're talking about me stretching? No I can't stretch my hair, that would be ten times more cooler though! I can stretch everything else though, even my fingers and toes… never tried my tongue! Maybe I should try it now!

No, I can't stretch my tongue.

"THERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU GUYS!"

Nami: Yes, fortunately, this world is already as weird as it is

Zoro: Probably

Sanji: Hancock would never love an idiot like him!

Usopp: I don't know… I see myself more appealing as Captain Usopp and nobody ever tried to ask me out…

Chopper: I think so!

Brook: Yes, I can see it with my eyes, even though I don't have any yohohohoho.

Franky: … Yes… I don't want to know anymore.

Robin: I would say it's a high possibility she's the only one.

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**#4****lucidum somnia sub sidera**

**((Hey, it's here after all! I'm glad; it's actually kind of interesting. Now that I've seen that nearly all Strawhats will be involved, at least on a minor scale, I suppose I can sate my curiosities!))****Hello, Luffy-san! Please call me Somnia, my name is perhaps too long for you to pronou - oh, I meant say. Forgive me. Well, if you would be so kind as to answer my questions...?****Luffy-san, I noticed that in Alabasta, when Nami-san flashed you all, you reacted quite strongly. Is there a reason for that?****Also, Franky-san, what do you think of Robin-san? I've noticed you two are very...comfortable with one another. Not that I'm implying anything, of course. (*is such a Frobin shipper*) Ahem.****That is, for now, all I want to ask. Thank you for your time!****XSomniA**

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"_I KNEW that question would come." Nami muttered, looking over Luffy's shoulder. _

Flash? Oh you mean when she took over her towel? I had a nosebleed… I don't know why, Usopp had a nosebleed too so why wouldn't I have one? She looked… nice… I don't get why either. Usopp calls it 'male hormones' and that's it's normal. Nami doesn't just strip out of nowhere, it came as a shock.

_Judging my Luffy's response, Nami couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh – still the same old Luffy, with no sense of awareness. That was a good sign. _

Franky: In the straw hat crew, we are a family you know? Me and Robin are the unclassified 'mom' and 'dad' of the family… which means we are probably married… no I shouldn't be saying such things. She _is _ a very pretty woman, very knowledgeable too, it's normal to like her! And because I'm a pervert!

_Robin glared at him, making Franky smile awkwardly and went back to fixing mechanics – wooing women had never been his speciality._

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**Sorry guys, I think max 4 questions for each chapter... **

**Oh it's Christmas now! (according to my time anyway) MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :D **

**(don't worry, Ace's Monologue will probably be posted tomorrow, for those of you wonderful people reading both of these monologues) **

**LOVE YOU ALL xx **


	3. Q&A 2

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

**Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Oda and I do not own anything here**

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**#1 just a person**

**'ello Luffy, straw hat crew! sometimes you're so stupid (stupidly brilliant) and simple minded, I was wondering do you think all of that stretching kills your brain cells? I think when you're in a heck of a lot of pain it makes you smarter. *maybe thats just me***

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Hi! I'm stupid? Hey that's mean!

"_Finally a decent person." All of the straw hats excluding Luffy smiled in content._

_Nami took the initiative to read over Luffy shoulder, covering her mouth so as not to laugh. _

Brains have cells? Why would the brain have prisons… I don't get it! Robin is the smartest, so I don't think I have to go through the pain to become smarter…

"_LUFFY! Brain cells are those tiny things that make your brain work. If you have no cells, you would not be ALIVE." Nami emphasized, squishing Luffy's fingers with the dictionary again. _

"_That's so weird. Can I eat cells? Like snacks…" Luffy said dreamily, before being smacked by Nami. Robin, as usual pulled her captain to the side to explain in layman terms(correction: Luffy terms) what cells were._

"_Thank you Robin-chan…" _

Robin told me what cells were… and she says stretching probably wouldn't kill brain cells. Usopp says I don't have any in the first place… Is that a bad thing?

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**#2 Guest**

**Its nice to meet you strawhat Luffy, I'm erika and i wont take up much of your time-after all you're a busy pirate- but I was wondering if you could have ANY kind of pet (no chopper doesnt count, he's your dr.) what would you have? I mean any, you can combine creatures/create something that doesn't exist, whatever. I said ANY for a reason, I wanna see what your brain would come up with. :)****love all of you lots erika.**

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Hi Erika!

"_Luffy relax with the exclamation marks, you won't want people to feel overwhelmed." _

"_But I'm trying to be friendly!" _

_Deciding at the moment to give up, Nami said "Okay okay…"_

Yeap, Chopper isn't a pet! I want a dragon, or a giant fish, hopefully a really cool monster, an elephant, a two-headed cow, a tiger with wings, a unicorn, a talking hamburger, a meatloaf…

"_A meatloaf isn't a pet." Sanji corrected him automatically._

"_IT IS!" Luffy said stubbornly. _

"_IT'S NOT YOU BAKA!" _

"_Why is the world would you want a two-headed cow?" Usopp scratched his head. _

_Luffy looked at him as though he was missing a very important point. "So that it can have two times more milk!_

_Everyone froze at the incredulous statement, before pretending nothing happened._

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**#3 LuffyGirl**

**Cool, I'm actually liking this so far!****Hi, Luffy! I love you so much! You taught me so much that I can't fit everything on here! Well, I probably can but Idk, lol. Oh, Idk means 'I don't know' and 'lol' means 'laugh out loud'. Hm... Question... Ooh, I got a good one! Where would you be today if you haven't met Shanks and/or Ace? Would you have listen to Garp and became a Marine? Or just did whatever came to mind?****And the reason why I love you so much is because you remind me of someone I lost in my family. You're both alike, are you sure you're not related to us somehow? XD - This means die laughing. Not literally, though.****-Gives you tons of meat-**

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Why's your name Luffygirl?

"_You should always greet a lady before asking stupid questions!" For some reason Sanji had gotten himself into this, chiding his captain on things like manners. _

"_Shut up ero-cook." Zoro yawned, annoyed at being woken up from his nap (which takes place at least ten times daily). _

I don't know what I taught you but no problem! Let's be friends! So idk is I don't know. And lol mean laugh out loud? But why do you shorten your words? Oh well whatever.

If I didn't meet Shanks… I wouldn't have my straw hat I think? And I might be able to swim shishishi! Shanks introduced me to piracy, and so did Ace, if I didn't meet Ace I wouldn't have a big brother. I'd hate being a marine! You have to listen to rules and train every day, I wan to be free at the seas! Not being under one of those big people, that would be boring and you can't have adventures like that. It's already like this, I wouldn't change anything, people should look forward, no 'what if'!

"_That must have been the longest paragraph Luffy has typed yet." Chopper said in awe, nodding encouragingly at a smiling Nami. They all knew – if Luffy had been a marine, things would be different. Very different. _

Alike to someone?

"_Is that possible… Luffy's twin?" Brook sipped his tea amiably. "Yohohoho I'd love to see! Even though I have no eyes…"_

_The meat flew out of the screen, much to Luffy's absolute delight._

"_MEAT!" He gobbled everything in a matter of seconds, leaving no bones untouched. _

"_Hey leave some for us too!" Usopp tried to snatch a half-bitten piece but Luffy bit his hand, causing him to yelp in pain._

_A squabble ensued in the room, as Robin took the initiative to grow fingers out of the keyboard. _

Robin - He might not pass the test to become a marine, but thank you for the meat. Luffy loved it, to the point that he nearly made Usopp-san lose a few fingers.

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**#4 Guest**

**Happy holidays! Merry christmas guys! Here's a ticket to some buffet. Hey Luffy, did Santa visit you guys? Did you stay up all night? Oh hey Chopper did you talk to all of the reindeer?****Or am I wasting my breath, are guys too old for santa?****Well tell me you at least exchanged gifts. What did you all get? I hope y'all did't get socks and underwear.**

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MERRY CHRISTMAS! Thanks for the ticket! We partied until I fell into the sea and Sanji had to save me.

"_I'm not saving you next time you fall in idiot!" Sanji flipped the pancake a little too vigorously, scalding a certain swordsman in the process._

Chopper – Umm, they kind of chased me away… having a blue nose isn't a bad thing right?

Luffy – No I got meat! A whole truckload! And I gave Nami some gold necklace I found in the dump

"_You found it in the DUMP?!" _

And Brook and Sanji exchanged underwear I dunno where they got it from…

_The cook half-strangled Luffy, "DON'T JUST SAY IT TO EVERYONE!" Brook had a massive nosebleed ('even though I have no nose yohohohoho') and Sanji was red from head to toe at Luffy's straightforwardness. _

And Chopper I got some candy, I asked Zoro where to find Robin's books and he got lost…

"_HOW WOULD I KNOW!" The grumbling swordsman was miffed that Luffy insulted his sense of direction when his wasn't the best in the first place._

"_And why did you ask Zoro of all people…" Usopp noted. _

And I got Usopp a puppet with a long nose like him! It looks _exactly _like him, how awesome is that?

_Pointing at the puppet, Usopp placed it beside his head. "This does NOT look like me!"_

"_It does." The rest of the crew nodded at the resemblance. _

And… Franky got a new speedo and sunglasses.

"_How come Franky gets reasonable gifts!" Usopp argued, as Franky tried on the new sunglasses – the speedo was a size too big. He liked tight-fitting clothes._

"_SUPERRRRRRR!"_

Chopper got candy and Zoro got a compass since he doesn't know where's North Nami said that might help him you see.

"_Candy!" Chopper's eyes shone considerably bright, chewing the sweets in glee. _

_Zoro held the compass up. "How do you use this?" _

"_I don't think it helped…" Shaking her head at Zoro, Nami continued admiring the necklace Luffy gave her – sometimes he wasn't so dumb after all! _

Shishishi I think everyone liked their presents!

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**#5 ****DoodleGreenQueen**

**answer me this, Luffy why do you let Nami treat you like this? When crewmates are rude towards their captain, they get a thrashing. Next time Nami hits I Demand u smack her in the face. Luv u**

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"_Don't you dare hit Nami-san!" Sanji stood protectively in front of Nami._

"… _I don't hit my nakama and Nami's my nakama!"Luffy gave a simple reply. Often enough, the crew wondered if Luffy was more perspective than he knew._

Nami's scary but she's nice… sometimes. I don't really care anyway… I'm made of rubber so it doesn't hurt.

"_Ah I have haters now." Nami said calmly._

"_What did you expect, you're a pirate, money-loving thief." Zoro said, only to be pummelled to the ground._

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**#7 ****Secret-Raindrops1598**

**Hey there! I was really bored and came across this. So Luffy, you know in my world there are a lot of fangirls who are absolutely in love with you. They all think you're hot or whatever. I don't exactly disagree with them but I can never imagine you as more than a friend/nakama. And personally I think Sanji is way more attractive than you. Anyway here are my questions.****1. Just interested in what your answer will be so please answer this as best as you can. What does falling in love mean to you exactly?****  
****2. When you were in Loguetown, Alvida said something like "I will make you mine, Luffy" what exactly went through your head and what mae you say gross? Again, just curious.****  
****3. If I could go to your world would you consider making me a part of your crew? I really want to become a pirate.****  
****4. This is for everyone else in your crew. Can you guys make your own monologue, PLEASE?**

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Okay… Let's be friends! You should tell Sanji that, he'll get another nosebleed, it's quite funny.

"_Sanji. Is. Way. More. Attractive?" A phenomenal amount of blood came spurting out of Sanji's nose, as he hugged the computer in gratitude. Nami dragged him away by the collar so Luffy could continue writing, making his nosebleed even worse – to the point of fainting. _

"_It looks serious…" Franky bent down beside the bleeding cook._

"_He'll live." Usopp sighed. _

Falling in love? I don't really know what's 'falling in love'. I'd rather have all the meat in the world, my nakama and adventures than getting married! I'm never getting married, it means you can't go on adventures anymore. That would suck.

"_Can you imagine that idiot getting married?" Zoro suddenly popped out the question. _

_The whole crew looked at him, then shook their heads fervently. _

Because I don't like her, she hurt Coby! She's fat (or used to be), ugly and arrogant. Don't like her. I was thinking of punching her or something for making Coby's life miserable.

Cool! You want to be a pirate? Sure! What can you do?

"_Don't just accept requests!" Nami said tiredly._

"_Why?!"_

_Already exhausted from her previous efforts, Nami went back to her room. "Fine, do whatever you want…" _

"_Is Nami sick again?" Luffy noticed that his navigator didn't hit him finding it rather odd._

"_NAMI'S SICK?!" Chopper and Sanji shouted._

"_SHE'S GONNA DIE…" Tears rolled down the reindeer, cook and captain's face. Zoro yawned, Franky looked incredibly puzzled and Brook… Brook was offering Robin tea (namely doing Sanji's job)._

"_Thank you Brook." She smiled._

"_May I see your panties?" _

Nami – Don't worry, if you have any questions you can ask them here because since we only have one computer it's a little hard to make those idiots share.

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**#8 ****wanicrocodile**

**Yo Luffy! The name's Wani and I AM NOT THAT DAMN CROCODILE YOU BEAT AT ALABASTA. I am a totally different person. Got it? So Luffy, I think you're going to be the Pirate King! Neh, did anyone ever tell you that you look A LOT like Gol D. Roger *cough cough* Ace's dad *cough cough*? Oh and you don't look much like your dad too. HEY LUFFY LET'S GO ON AN ADVENTUREEEEEE. Oh and give Zoro this barrel of sake. I got it just for him. Oh and poor Sanji! No girl wants him. Here let Wani-chan give Sanji-kun a kiss. Well I'm intruding too much. Here's a 200,000,000 beli I found. Give this to Nami alright?**

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YOU'RE CROCODILE?

"_You baka she already said she wasn't related!" Luffy mumbled an apology with Sanji's shoe pressing against his face._

That's cooooool! I look like Roger? But I'm not Roger… I'M MONKEY D LUFFY!

AND I'M THE NEXT PIRATE KING!

Yeah I know Ace's dad is roger! That is so awesome! But Ace doesn't like him though… dunno why.

WHAT ADVENTURE?! Does it include lots of monsters?

_The barrel of sake flew out of the screen, aiming exactly for the sleeping Zoro. Groggily waking up(speaking of which, why is he always asleep?), he reached for the sake and downed it without thinking, collapsing in slumber again upon finishing._

_A girl's lips appeared on the screen, flying out towards Sanji, giving him a small peck on the cheek. He sank on the ground, deep in his fantasies. _

_200,000,000 beli were tightly grabbed by a ecstatic Nami, dancing around the deck in her happiness. _

Nami – You're the best!

Luffy – Next time can meat fly out too? I'm hungry…

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**#9 ace1queen**

**Hello, Luffy and everyone! :D I'm ace1queen - please call me 'Queenie', so I won't be mixed up with your brother, Ace.****Luffy - if you had a choice of between choosing your nakama or meat, what would you choose? Choose one only! Also, if you meet up with Shanks again, would you give him back the straw hat? You're really attached to it :)****I also have a question for Sanji and Zoro if you don't mind****  
****Sanji - one of my friends commented that you always look so 'ugly' when you fall in love. So...er, 'no offence', Sanji, I sincerely apologise - why do you always look so...ahem...'weird' when you 'fall in love' - and why on earth are you so obsessed with women in the first place? o.o****And Zoro - why do you always sleep so much? For example, when you and and your crew were travelling through the Grand Line for the first time, and everyone were pretty much hectic, and running around, you were sleeping and snoring without a single care in the world. ;****Thank you, everyone! :D :D I hope you had an awesome Christmas, and you will have an awesome new year! :D :D Thank you once again!****Here are some belated Christmas gifts from me XD *hand you over meat, sake, books on history and medicine, money, goggles, frying pan, guitar and cool clothes* :D :D****Sammycircle - it's good to see a 'Luffy's Monologue' XD It's really funny, and I'm glad to see everyone in character! Have a lovely new year! :D :D**

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Oh you're called Ace too? Okay, I don't think I'll mix up cos' you're a girl right?

Nakama!

"_For a moment I thought he would say meat…" Usopp breathed in relief._

But I like meat too…

"_JUST CHOOSE DAMNIT!" Usopp whacked him in frustration. _

I'm thinking I'll give him back the hat when I'm ready to be Pirate King! Wait for me Shanks! It's my treasure of course I'll be attached to it.

Sanji – That's because I'm a woman's man! I live to woo woman, if you put it that way. And I'm not ugly… I like to think of myself as a prince who'll sweep up the damsel in distress.

"_Ero-cook."_

"_You piece of shit…!" _

Zoro – My life includes drinking, sleeping and training. And sleeping is the time to restore energy for training. Everyone is always way too jumpy and hyperactive.

"_Ace falls asleep a lot too!" Luffy said happily, talking about his brother again. _

_Luffy poked the swordsman in the ribs, chuckling. "And you always miss the best parts cos' you were sleeping!" _

"_Don't care."_

Gifts flew in all directions, crashing into individual members. However, the order was slightly mixed up…

"_How come I got a frying pan?" Zoro scowled, throwing it into the empty barrel of sake._

"_THAT'S MINE YOU MOSS HEAD!"_

_Robin was already poring through the books, very interested in chapter labelled 'World War'._

"_Luffy give me the money!" _

_Sticking his tongue out at Nami, he denied. _

"_I'll give you meat." She threw the entire slab at his face, making Luffy drop the money in shock. _

"_MEATTTTT!" _

Luffy – THANK YOU HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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**Woah 9 questions! DONE! Happy new year guyssss:D **

**THIS IS MY PRESENT TO YOU ALL~**

**To Portgas D Paula Thank you!:)**

**To ****ace1queen aww thank you and happy new year to you! ^^**

******Check out Ace's Monologue and Fallen from the Sky :P **


	4. Q&A 3

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, neither did I kidnap the straw hat crew to force-write this monologue**

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**#1 LuffyGirl**

**Hello, again! This is for sammycircle: I love this story/monologue! You do a good job with the characters and the answers sound realistic! I'll try to think of more questions to ask and/or say.****  
****Luffy: My name is LuffyGirl because I love you so much and because of that, my friend called me LuffyGirl. -Shrugs- O.k, question: You're always so confident and brave in fights. You tell your enemies they will lose. Do you ever think you will lose the fight instead? If so, how do you encourage yourself to win?****  
****Also, hi to everyone! Can I hug you all? :D**

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Okay, I like you too!

_Nami resisted the urge to tell Luffy pointedly that having his name taken by a girl meant she didn't just 'like' him… She really, really really liked him. But then again, it was Luffy, it'll take a whole era for him to understand._

I will never lose!

"_The overconfidence is blinding me." Usopp deadpanned, blocking the light illuminating from Luffy's stature. _

"_Technically he lost once to Crocodile…" Their editor, Sam whispered out of Luffy's hearing range._

I'll never lose because my nakama are counting on me, if I lose who'll be their captain? I always eat lots of meat before a battle, if I can find any! I don't really think before I fight…

_A girl flew out of the screen, swooping down to hug each crew member before returning back to the computer. _

"_That was…" Nami said slowly._

"_MELLORINE~!" Sanji danced in circles, nevertheless annoying a training green-haired man to no end._

"_Shishishi, I like her!" An easily amused Luffy laughed to himself._

* * *

**#2 ****NikuMeat123**

**Hi! This seems really cool and interesting! xDDD****Hi Luffy! :) If you ever met your father, Monkey D Dragon, how would you react? Happy? Angry? Sad? Also, after you become the Pirate King, what would you do? (Excluding, eating tons of meat, and having more adventures and partying)****And to Zoro - how come you don't laugh much? You only laughed like once or twice (Like when you laughed, shortly after you joined Luffy, and looking at the boat).****To Sanji - even though you declare your heart belongs to Nami, how come you still go lovey dovey over other women? You would be seen as 'cheating' on Nami...****Anyway, thank you so much! :D :D Have a happy new year! :)**

* * *

Hello!

My dad? I don't care… really… I want to ask him why he left me though, cos' he's still alive.

Uh… you just said everything I wanted to do! I'll visit Ace… and Shanks!

_Luffy touched the straw hat placed securely on head with a rather peculiar expression present on his face. "Wait for me, Shanks."_

_The rest of the crew broke out into a smile, even the reserved Robin and Zoro cracked out into a genuine one._

Zoro – Until I've become the world's best swordsman, I don't think there's much to be happy all the time about. Unless your name's Luffy with the hyperactive level of… a rabid squirrel…

Sanji – I've never cheated on Nami-swan! I just… I just love all beautiful ladies!

"_Hypocrite." Usopp shook his head at Sanji's excuse. _

"_You aren't even dating me you idiot!" Nami boxed Sanji, leaving him with a trail of blood down his nose._

* * *

**#3 ****xXMunchkinXx**

**Happy new year! Qestion: Nami- Why do you like money so much? I thought you just needed it to free your island of arlong?! This is the only qestion that has ever botherd me. Any way happy late christmas here your gifts .****  
****For Luffy a shit load of meat ( don't take 'shit load' seriously, it's just a way of speaking or something)****  
****For Zoro a barrel of sake.****  
****Nami get's a spa ticket and 50.000.000 beri.****  
****Sanji * throws panties*****  
****Usopp heres a second laptop.****  
****Chopper I don't konw how advanced your world is in medecine so here some prints of the human body.****  
****Franky some blue prints of bigger submarines.****  
****Brook gets a Stradivari incase you don't know that is the most famous type of violin in my hole world and since I seem to be able to give you anything...****  
****Good luck! If I ever come to your world we have to have a feast together! :DD**

* * *

Nami – What's wrong with liking money? You can buy clothes, and lots of other useful things with it! Money's the gateway to many good things… you can say I'm superficial but when you don't have much as a child you tend to be more realistic (and materialistic at times) when you're finally free.

"_Meat's better…" Luffy gnawed on finished bone, flinging it at a random direction._

_Stamping on his foot, Nami snapped, "I didn't ask for your opinion!"_

_A faint snore came from Luffy – he'd fallen asleep again._

_As the items landed onto the floor (they were no longer shocked by random items flying out of the screen – matter-of-factly accepting the gifts), Usopp tapped on the laptop with uncontained curiosity._

"_Hey guys I have another computer!" _

"_It's not a computer…" Luffy said, eating the meat in his usual rabid fashion. _

"_Then?" Usopp demanded._

"_I dunno."_

_Franky examined the 'laptop' with an aura of smugness, "SUPER! It's like a portable computer." Judging my Luffy's blank expression, Franky simplified his words._

"_A computer you can carry." _

"_Oh!" _

_The blue-haired cyborg-human had already begun working on the submarine with the blueprints, much to Luffy's amazement as he devoured the 'shit-load' of meat. _

_Meanwhile Chopper was peering into the human anatomy photographs. He had managed to identify most of the body parts but was slightly confused with something._

"_Is something wrong, Chopper?" Robin squatted beside the reindeer, taking a look at the photos with him._

_Pointing at a certain body part, Chopper said in all innocence, "I don't know what this is." Robin hardly raised an eyebrow at where the youth was pointing at, instead she smiled understandingly._

"_It's where babies come from." _

_As soon as the panties landed on Sanji, he screamed. Nami threw it overboard, much to Sanji (and Brook)'s disappointment, muttering somewhere along the lines of no-more-underwear-allowed._

_However, Brook was still positively beaming at the violin presented to him, immediately picking it up to play a new song._

"_This is a very good violin!"_

Brook – Thank you very much my lady, from the very bottom of my heart… even though I have no heart yohohohoho!

* * *

**#4 iluvonepieceyaoi**

**well hello luffy my name is lily and i really love one piece but mostly you and ace but anyway i have some questions for you zoro nami and brook. luffy-if you had to give up one thing in you life what would it be zoro- why are you and sanji always fighting and why do you get lost so much nami- i have to ask how is it that you dont have grey hair of have gone crazy yet seeing that some of the people on the crew are stupid mostly zoro and luffy brook- why are you so perverted and where you always like that hehehehe sorry for it being so long and please answer back**

* * *

Hmmm what is yaoi? What is one piece yaoi?

"_Don't EVER tell him." Nami hissed at the more knowing crew members._

_Scratching his head, Zoro asked, "Why?"_

"_You don't have to know…"_

Anyway, I would give up… vegetables. They're green, and they look sick and Chopper says he can't treat them.

Zoro – Because that cook is an annoying pervert who spurts blood everywhere and disturbs my peace.

"_Shut up you shit…!"_

Nami – Oh I use lots of hair products, and if I have grey hair I'd had dyed it… I think I've had enough madness to last for a lifetime. And thank you for agreeing that it's possible to go insane from the high doses of stupidity in this crew.

"_You're mean…" Luffy, Usopp and Chopper accused her._

Brook – I'm no pervert, I simply enjoy asking for panties and drinking tea like a perfect gentleman.

"_Totally convincing." Usopp deadpanned, watching the skeleton pour himself yet another cup of English Tea._

* * *

**#5 Guest**

**Hi everyone! I have a question for all of you if you don't mind.****How would you react if someone confessed their love for you? XD****Thank you and have a happy new year!**

* * *

Happy new year!

Luffy – Reject them? Cos' I still have lots of adventures to go! Love is boring!

Nami – 500,000,000 per date.

Zoro – No.

Chopper – You bastard I know you don't like me~! (No really, I don't think I would love a human…)

Sanji – YES YES YES YES OF COURSE LET'S GET MARRIED MELLORINE!

Usopp – Huh? Sorry… Captain Usopp is still on his great adventure to become king of snipers!

"_HEY I'M captain!" Usopp pointedly ignored Luffy. _

Robin – I'm sorry, but no.

Franky – Sorry, you're nice but I'm too SUPER for you!

Brook – May I see your panties?

* * *

**#6 ace1queen**

**Haha, thank you so much for answering my questions, everyone! :D****You can call me Ace - that's fine ;; Yes, I'm a girl.****That's really cute, Luffy - I know it's your treasure :)****And to Sanji - yes, yes, I know that you're not ugly - you're...er, funny and not bad-looking.****  
****Zoro, you forgot eating, fighting with Sanji, being pummelled by Nami, fighting, protecting nakama and so forth. Even Luffy who sleeps less, and fights more than you has more energy :)****Darn it, I thought I labelled the gifts. Oh well. Have a happy new year, everyone! :D :D Here's a thank you present from me to all of you ;) *hands you nine all-you-can-eat-buffet tickets* You might see Ace there too xD****Anyway, thank you so much! *bows***

* * *

YAY BUFFET! Why would Ace be there? He got the tickets too? Double awesome!

"_We're going!" Luffy decided without hesitation, pumping his fist in the air._

"_Uh… Luffy…" Nami began,_

"_We're in the middle of the sea." Robin said serenely. _

_Sanji, who was reading the ticket, said "It looks like this will solve our problem."_

_**Buffet Ticket for 9 customers**_

_***Tear the ticket into half to be transported to the restaurant.**_

_**We hope you enjoy your meal!**_

"_Well…" Nami gazed at the words, unable to fathom how the workings of such extraordinary things worked, though she had long given up on logic. _

"_Let's go!" Luffy tore it into half, as they felt a blast of wind blow them…_

* * *

**#7 ****Hanashi o suru**

**Hello Straw Hats! I'm Hanashi, nice to...uh meet you? Sorta...(O_o) I guess I might have a few questions, and probably random shout outs here and there...(Owo)****And now for the questions! So, Luffy, how was it you learned of Gold Roger and his treasure, the One Piece? Did Garp tell you, or was it someone else?****My second question is for pretty much everyone. What's one word you each would use to describe the crew as a whole?****Last but not least, Luffy is there anything you won't eat? Because it always seems like you'll devour just about anything...****Well, those are the questions I have for now...if any more pop into my head, I'll be sure to ask them :D**

* * *

Everyone knew who Roger was! Shanks told me about him when I asked him who was the Pirate King.

Luffy – Nakama!

Nami – Bunch of idiots who have either funny abilities or inhumane strength. Or family…

Zoro – Crazy nakama…

Chopper – NAKAMA and FAMILY!

Sanji – Nami-swan and Robin-chwan! And some idiots…

"_Idiots I consider as nakama…" Sanji said to himself, as Usopp devilishly chuckled beside him._

"_Ooh Sanji's being sappy…" _

"_USOPP!"_

Usopp – My fellow pirates! Worship captain-sama!

"_Describe the crew, Usopp." Nami deadpanned._

Alright alright – I can't find _one _word to describe them. Bizarre, strong, Nakama.

Robin – People who would sacrifice for their friends.

Franky – SUPER! And I'm not crying when I said this!

Brook – The most wonderful crew who gave me a second chance. Yohohoho I feel the tears coming – even though I have no eyes!

I don't like veggies, they taste like rubber.

_"You're MADE of rubber." Zoro had one of his 'smart' moments._

_Crossing his arms, Luffy countered, "That's different! I can't eat myself!"_

_"If he could, he would." Usopp said to himself, careful not to let Luffy overhear._

* * *

**#8 ****Whimsical Omelettes**

**Er... I'm getting confused... is this a review section? Never mind... nice one, sammycircle! I love your portrayal of Luffy!**

* * *

Sam – OH MY THANK YOU! Yes, this is kind of like a review thing for the straw hats who'll do their best to answer you, I'm just the editor of Luffy's horrible grammar mistakes.

"_Hey!" Luffy said indignantly._

* * *

**#9 ****Serene Grace**

**Well, this is just awesome. Finally, we fans get to speak to the future Pirate King himself! Anyways, here are my questions:****1) Luffy, you love to have freedom, right? It's the entire reason you became a pirate in the first place I've heard. So if you had a choice to give up all your nakama's lives for all the freedom in the world or give up your own life for your nakama's freedom, which would you choose?****2) Luffy, do you know what yaoi is? Because yaoi is very, very VERY popular for us fans. The most popular pieces of yaoi seem to be between you and Ace, Zoro and Sanji (in that order), and Kid and Law (again, in that order). Can you please check out what yaoi is and see the types of yaoi there are? Thanks. Also, don't let Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Kid, or Law see this. I don't think their reactions will be very pretty if they do see it.****3) Luffy, if you were to not meet the nakama you have now and had different nakama in your crew, than who would be the nakama of your choosing? It can't be anyone you currently have on your crew now.****Ta-ta****-Serena**

* * *

Ah thanks for calling me the pirate king! I'm glad you believe in me!

I'll give up my life! Because they're my nakama. Though… freedom is very important… but nakama are more important!

_Franky sniffed into a handkerchief, while the rest remained awestruck at Luffy's straightforwardness._

Nope I don't know what it is. Nami tells everyone not to tell me what it is.

Okay I saw yaoi. It looks weird, why am I always below Sanji or Zoro? And Kidd has a strange look on his face, I think he's a pervert like Sanji.

"_Dear mother of god…" Nami banged her head against the table twice, subsequently unable to prevent this from happening._

Sorry but I wouldn't choose anyone else! And I don't really like thinking what might happen or whatever… it's tiring to think…

I like dragons. Next time I see one it's going to be my nakama!

* * *

**#10 GIVEMETHEMEAT**

**I just want to say I love this monologue :D It's really funny.. Kay, so Luffy. What would you do if you found out that One Piece is really a huge piece of delicious meat that is the size of an island? Can I have it? Well at least share it...and Zoro, why is your hair green? I'm just curious...Chopper I just wanna say you are sooooooo adorable.I'm hungry...what do you guys eat when you're all out of food and you can't get any fish? Have you ever thought about eating each other? Do humans taste good?I'm asking to many questions..oh yah! *gives a bronze statue of Luffy eating a piece of meat,300,000,000 beri,cottoncandy,sake,posters of Hancock,soda barrels,a history book and meat* Thank you for your time! -Miyuki****  
****P.S. My compliments to the author ;)**

* * *

Don't tell me One Piece is!

Meat… Meat… Meat…

_Luffy drooled unconsciously, imagining the gigantic slice of mouth-watering meat…_

NO I WON'T SHARE IT! IT'S ALL MINE!

"_Don't be selfish Luffy!" The rest of them shouted at his childishness._

Sam – Ironic, I know, pirates are actually supposed to be _generous_. Goodness.

Zoro: What's wrong with green hair?

"_It makes you look like a moss ball." Sanji interjected purposefully, causing Zoro to grind his teeth in fury._

Chopper – Don't talk to me, bastard~!

Luffy – We eat … uh we eat… Chopper's supposed to be emergency food supply…

"_Don't look at me like that!" Chopper wailed, frightened of Luffy's hungry face._

"_HEY THAT'S ME!" Luffy danced around the bronze statue, posing beside it with a grin plastered on his face._

"_It's bronze…" Robin oberserved._

"_Bronze…?" Nami's eyes lit up._

"_Is this Hancock, Luffy?" Franky picked up the poster, as Luffy naturally nodded._

_Sanji turned into stone, much to Chopper's panic. A certain navigator was counting the money she collected from this, money signs appearing in her eyes._

"_Beli…"_

"_Nami you look really scary." Usopp said quietly, backing away from the orange-haired woman._

P.S Sam - ARIGATO!

* * *

**For all the lovely people who commented on chapter 3! :D Hope you liked it~**

**And for the sake of shameless Sam, please check out Ace's Monologue and Fallen from the Sky if you like Ace ;)**

**That's all for now, thank you so much guys!**


	5. Q&A 4

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue.**

* * *

**#1 Dorito Monkey D. Nyan Cat**

**AAWWKKKWAARRRDDDD XD.****  
****Anyways,hello!I'm a cat.I have a question for many inventions have you made in your workshop so far? And how do they work? DON'T YOU LIE TO ME.*stares with creepy green eyes***

* * *

Why are you a cat? CATS CAN TALK?!

"_THE CAT'S JOINING MY CREW!" Luffy exclaimed, much to everyone's chagrin. _

"_NO." Their refusal only made him more insistent, in which Zoro knocked him out with the back of his kantana. Everyone stared at the (previously sleeping) Zoro._

"_What? He was noisy…" _

I… are you asking Franky or me? Franky has loads and loads and loads of cool inventions! I made a fishing rod once!

"_Yeah, it was made of two sticks." Usopp deadpanned. _

_Franky was rummaging through his workshop, throwing away his prototype inventions. A three-wheeled bicycled powered by cola, a food mixer (why he needed a food mixer was not much of a concern), which Usopp pointed out was at least hundred times better than Luffy's best. _

"_SUPER!"_

* * *

**#2 Chiya Neera**

**Hello! This is my first time reviewing here, you can call me Chiya. Luffy, you're adorable, and I think that you will be able to become Pirate King. I've got two gifts for you. First, a huge mountain of meat. Second, *gives a whole bunch of mangas under the name of One Piece* there's this guy called Eiichiro Oda who has been stalking you and turning your story into a manga series, which has become extremely popular in my world. He can even predict the future and the later volumes show things that have not happened to you yet. The mangas I have given to you are by him, but they only tell the story up to a certain point, the point where you are at now, or else there be spoilers.****Also, here's an OC of mine. Her name is Mary Sparkle Wonderful Lovely Kickass Monkey Portgas Gold Diamond Rainbow Super Special Awesome Rarity Strider Vantas D. Sue. No words can describe her perfection or how beautiful she is or how powerful she is. I will send her to you. Please treat her well.**

* * *

Hi Chiya! THANKS CHIYA! I _know _I'll be Pirate King!

"_MEEEEAAAAT!" Luffy hollered in approval, watching the meat rain above his head as he frantically tried to catch them all. _

"_Books?" Robin noted, using her multiple hands to catch a falling manga. Nami flipped through it vividly, the crease on her forehead getting deeper and deeper._

"_It's… Our adventures…" She said, dumbstruck. Usopp picked up one of the manga books, gawking at the fact that the characters looked EXACTLY like them, acted like them, talked like them, it was like having your bibliography written every week._

_Zoro didn't give the gifts a second glance, saying something along the lines of 'leave it to fate', whereas Nami shot him a dark look. _

_Still, their captain was unaware of the situation. "MEEEEEAAATTTTT!"_

Monkey Portgas super awesome what?

_Even before Luffy could react, a sparkling (yes, in a literal sense) girl crashed right into him, sending the both of them tumbling down. Sanji had a nosebleed at that instant ('a record time', Chopper murmured), as Zoro got blinded by the immense light coming from the girl, dropping his weights on Sanji's foot. _

"_Luffy…?" The girl peered at Luffy's face with odd curiosity, radiating somewhat unusual amount of charisma that frightened Nami and Usopp. _

_The crew could only watch as she flung her arms around the rubber man, giving him a full-out kiss on the lips (need I describe the horrific scene?) – Chopper fainted, Brook laughed (albeit nervously), Zoro stood stone-faced, Sanji fainted as well, Robin had this blank look, Usopp's mouth could catch a million flies, Franky clapped, and as for Nami…_

_Nami stalked straight towards the intruder with a venomous look in her eyes. She'd researched on this species before! It was none other than the infamous Mary Sue, a mutated species of humans who proclaimed extraordinary beauty and could hypnotise an entire human population if no one took serious action. _

_The loud slap resounding across the ship snapped Luffy out of his stupor, for he really did not like the feeling of someone's lips pressing against his – he's rather be kissing his meat any other day._

* * *

**#3 The-Destroyer-of-vegetables**

***u* I'm glad you like the stradivari, brook! Nami- there's nothing wrong with liking money! I like it aswell ... :3****  
****Chopper- sorry, the prints didn't seem to help so here's a ton of cotton candy :D****  
****Here's a hat for Usopp because I feel like giving him a hat.****  
****I just realised I forgot a present for robin. I thought I'd give you a laptop as well. It's much more convenient for storing information (how many writing mistakes did I make?) and you got books already soooo..****  
****Any way TO THE QUESSSTIOOON(s)!:****  
****Brook- how many instruments can you play?****  
****Robin- (I#m not sure if you've heared the question before) what do you think of the pairing zoroxrobin or robinxfranky?****  
****Zoro- How do you expect to become the best swordsman in the world when your bounty is half of Luffy's and I can tell you this at least: When you're halfway through the grandline Luffys bounty is pretty high but yours is alomst half as much and when you reach new world a bit over a fourth of his. Not that you're not stronger when you enter new world but still...? (this little sentence is sanji's present since nami threw his away) Isn't that a bit lame?****Okay sooo, Luffy I believe you'll become the pirateking and all of you will reach your goals!...and stuff ... :D**

* * *

Chopper – You bastard, I don't like candy~!

"_You love it." Usopp said, while catching a hat flying out from the screen. The hat was a black fedora, perfect for 'disguise' as stated at the tag. _

"_Welcome to the Straw Hat Mafia." Usopp announced in a deep, low voice, causing Luffy to go into hysterics. _

Robin – Thank you for the laptop… vegetable-san.

Brook – I can play everything yohohoho my life is an orchestra!

The raven-haired woman sat quietly on her chair, reading the question with extra care.

Robin – They are… very good nakama.

"_I think they're both suited." Sam scribbled on her notebook, looking at Zoro and Franky at the same time. _

"_ROBIN-CHWAN~!" _

_Coughing, Sam continued writing. "Nope, not Sanji." _

Zoro – To be honest, I don't give a damn what people say about my ambition. I don't care how high my bounty is either, as long as it's higher than that ero-cook.

_Sanji, for the first time, didn't retort, for he saw the glint in the swordsman's eyes and for that, he did not interfere. _

_Even if Nami DID threw his present (underwear) overboard. _

Luffy – THANKS!

* * *

**#4 Serene Grace**

**Thanks for answering my questions! Here are my new ones: 1) If all you non-Devil Fruit users were to eat Devil Fruits, what Devil Fruit would you guys eat/prefer? Why? 2) Since you guys seem to have ranks of power on your ship, how powerful are you all individually? My guess is that Luffy right now is somewhere along the lines of a Shichibukai. Good luck finding the One Piece by the way! It'll take a hell of a long time, trust me. DON'T FORGET ZE UPDATEZZZZ!****Ta-ta****-Serena**

* * *

Luffy – I'M A RUBBER MAN!

"_Read before you write, Luffy." Nami bonked Luffy's head against the wall – obviously it had little effect._

Zoro – No.

"_A sense of direction-fruit would be useful." Usopp said tentatively, scurrying away at a safe distance. _

Sanji – Some damn lion already had the suke suke no mi fruit! For the sake of civilization, (GIRL'S BATHROOM), I should be the one (GIRL'S BATHROOM) to eat that sacred (GIRL'S BATHROOM) fruit don't you think? (**GIRL'S. BATHROOM.)**

_Nami cast him a wearied look, watching the blood spurt out of his nose as everyone ducked for cover._

Usopp – The aiming fruit, then my sniper skills would be flawless! (if they weren't already!)

Nami – The money-money fruit! Money can be produced with a tap of my finger!

"_Nami-swan, you're so beautiful when you're happy!" Robin simply gave a small chuckle of amusement._

Luffy – I'M THE BEST!

"_In terms of intellectual capacity…" Usopp said slowly, emphasizing 'intellectual'._

"_Nah." They all shrugged._

* * *

**#5 Light Reveltion**

**This is an ingenious idea! I've thought of it before, but didn't know how I would do it, so props for actually being able to do it keeping in mind of the crew's personalities! D****I dunno if I'm supposed to ask questions, but here's a few for the next chapte- uh, er, whatever chapter is next.****To Chopper: In the perspective of your medical profession, would it be okay to give your rumble ball invention to the other devil-fruit users in your crew? (I'd really love to see what sort of new powers Luffy, Robin, or Brooke might have with the rumble ball. Maybe even berserk mode would be cool, although I don't really fancy wanting to know what Robin's berserk mode might be.)****To Brooke: If I were to have a pirate crew of my own, I wouldn't mind having someone like you in my crew! I love skeletons! Although I like zombies more, your personality is really something! I looooove your laugh! Yohohohoho What type of panties do you like? *sly grin*****To Zoro: Do you think Tashigi-Chan might be a clone of your childhood best friend? If not, why do you talk to her as if she were?****To Robin: History is my favourite subject! I'm so glad that there's a historian in Luffy's crew! If a genius historian proposed to you, would you accept it? ; )****To Sanji: Your lifestyle is so honest! Your manliness is so bright! Kyaa I wish you were my home-chef! If you found out that the most beautiful and hot girl in the world was actually your long-lost sister, what would you do?****To Nami: I feel your pain when dealing with the "idiots" in your crew. If these so called idiots were actually geniuses pretending to be idiots, and you found out about it, what would you do?****To Franky: AWEEESSSOOOOMMMEEEE! SUPER! I normally hated mecha, but your passion for mechanics has touched my heart. Does drinking cola do anything to your new body?****To Luffy: *thumbs up* Despite hating being under someone and obeying rules, if you were given the chance to be a Marine Admiral, would you accept it? I don't think it would have been a good idea for your grandfather Garp to have raised you to be a marine seeing how your brain lacks in some intellectual quotient.**

* * *

Chopper – Rumble ball… It's possible but highly unlikely because the rest of them are paramecia type where they don't _need _to transform, but if they eat it it might cause their devil fruit powers to go slightly haywire…

"_I WANT TO TRY!" Luffy said stupidly, jumping to any idiotic opportunity. _

_Robin flipped another page of her book, looking up. "Hmm… berserk mode?" The whole crew looked at her peculiar expression, an odd chill sent up their spine (excluding Luffy). _

"_Robin-chan let's go shopping!" Nami said happily._

"…_We're in the middle of the sea." Usopp pointed out. _

Brook – Yohohoho I am most certainly honoured! Although I'm not really a fan of zombies… I love black panties! I've never seen a rainbow-coloured one… I think Nami-san has –

_All that was left of Brook was the gigantic bump of his head hit by none other than their dear navigator. _

Zoro – She looks a hell lot like her, it's disturbing and annoying. And no, I believe if things were as they were, it's because of fate. And reincarnation is not something I'm familiar with.

"_Brook." Franky pointed at the dancing skeleton a few metres away. _

"_About that…" Zoro let out a frustrated sigh. Some things were better off unspoken. _

Robin – Well that's good and history is a very nice subject. However, getting married is something I wouldn't imagine myself doing, not even when I do find the True History.

"_Robin-chwan has a proposal?!" Sanji gulped, over-thinking the marriage already taking place and him left as the unmarried best man._

_Sanji, in his fantasies fell off the deck, only to be caught by Robin's hands. "NOOOOOOOOO!" _

"_Sanji-san, are you okay?" Robin asked, with only the blonde unable to respond from massive bleeding from the nose. _

Sanji – Why thank you mademoiselle! A dear lady who finally appreciates my manly qualities is indeed a wonderful thing!

"_Shut up." Zoro growled._

Long lost sister? That is such a loss…

"_Don't even THINK about it!" Nami kicked him in the stomach at his perverted tendencies. Luffy, who had no idea what was going on laughed at the commotion, adding more fuel to the fire. _

"_Shishishishi – OWW NAMI!"_

Nami – Thank you very much for your concern! It is hard to deal with _these _bunch of idiots. Geniuses pretending to be idiots? For one, their act is _much _too authentic, and literally impossible, and if it were true I would bet ten million beli.

"_She really thinks we are idiots." Everyone excluding Robin and Chopper said mournfully, seeing Nami willing to bet such an insanely high amount for their stupidity. _

Alright… maybe I million beli…

Franky – Cola powers up my body yo! I KNOW I'M SUPERRRRR! SUPER AWESOME MECHANIC FRANKY!

"_Go Franky!" Usopp, Luffy and Chopper cheered simultaneously, each holding a mug of beer to watch Franky's mechanic show. _

Luffy – NO I DON'T WANT TO BE A MARINE GII-CHAN IS TOO SCARY!

"_Lacking intellectual quotient?" Nami smirked. _

_Luffy stared at her curiously. "What does that mean?" _

"_It means you're stu-pid." Usopp whispered, cackling in mad laughter._

* * *

**#6 OnePiece1**

**Hello everyone!****I have a question for everyone. What do you think One Piece is? Gold? Jewellery? Gems? Food? (One Piece) Clothes?****To Zoro. You would like to live a long, healthy life as the world's greatest swordsman, right? (I believe you will be the world's greatest swordsman ;) ). Then do you know that laughing makes you live longer, and laughing can cure you from diseases (As you can get infected from your wounds). It's better if you laugh - so you'll live a longer to be the world's greatest swordsman! :) Good luck!****To Brook. You do realise asking ladies for their panties isn't very gentlemanly, you know?****To Sanji. I'm aware that you're quite...'infatuated' with women, ahem. One of my friends think you're really handsome and cool, and better than Zoro... (I think Zoro is cooler than Sanji, sorry ; )****Luffy, Good Luck on becoming the Pirate King! I believe that you can do it! :D :D I want to read someday, that Monkey D. Luffy became the Pirate King and found One Piece with his crew! Also, Good luck on achieving your dreams, everyone! :D :D You can do it!**

* * *

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT ONE PIECE IS! It could not exist for all I know!

I hope it's food.

"_It's treasure." Nami said, her eyes sparkling like gems fittingly. _

"_All Blue."_

"_Kantana."_

"_Why would a kantana be one piece you stupid marimo!"_

"_What about your All Blue huh?! Ero-cook."_

"_Yohohoho I just hope it's not a skeleton…"_

"_IT'S ACTUALLY ME! CAPTAIN USOPP!"_

"_SHUT UP EVERYONE!" Luffy shouted at the top of his lungs._

_When the nosie died down, Luffy let in a huge amount of air, towards an open sea, "ONE PIECE IS FOOOOOOOOOOD!" _

Zoro – Laugh?

"_Like you can laugh!" Sanji prompted at the start of a heated argument. _

_Chopper thought for a while, before skipping towards Zoro. "Zoro… you should try reading these." A stack of comics landed on Zoro's hands._

_On most of the titles, it said '101 JOKES' Volume 1, 2, 3 and so on. _

Brook – May I see your panties? Isn't drinking tea gentlemanly? Yohohohoho!

Sanji – Infatuation? My dear lady, women are the sole reason I exist! I am here to love all you beautiful women!

"_But she thinks Zoro's better than you…" Franky read the text carefully._

"_LET'S FIND ONE PIECE!" Luffy announced unnecessarily. _

"_Yes we know, Luffy…"_

* * *

**#7 Shanks**

**DAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!****So Anchor, you created...this... (Psst! Benn! What's this...thing called?) faftion called - (Wha? Fanfiction? Why didn't you say so, Benn?) - Fanfiction, I mean called "Luffy's Monologue", eh?****Does the Future Pirate King have time to do this, eh, Luffy? Dahahahaha! Do things at your pace, anchor :) I do hope my hat is well - afterall, I got it from the Pirate King, himself.****Anyway, little anchor, I'm...I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! Getting your first bounty of 30,000,000 beli after defeating Buggy and other pirates, kicking Marines' butt, declaring war on the World Government (Yes, Benn, I was really proud that time), challenging the Shichibukai and Yonko... and your latest high bounty of 400,000,000 beli!****  
****I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, LUFFY! *blows nose* (Shuddup, Benn)****Anyway - (Gerroff, Yasopp!) - Yasopp, here. USOPPPPPPPPP! M-My dearly beloved son... HOW ARE YOU!? When I looked at the back of your head in Luffy's bounty, I felt this feeling within my heart swell up! And that feeling increased when I saw your first bounty! TT_TT Oh son, I'm so proud of you -****  
****Shanks here. (YOU FINISHED YOUR SPEECH ALREADY, YASOPP!) My crew told me to give you, Luffy my regards. Ah? Oh, Lucky told me to ask you how much meat you ate recently. Speaking of meat, he ate out or entire meat stock last night... I wasn't very pleased. Benn and the other pirates said hi. (Yes, guys. That's it.)****And apparently, I'm supposed to ask you guys a question since it's called "Luffy's Monologue"... Hmm...Uh... Okay! I got a question! How long are you going to take till you become the Pirate King, Luffy?****Oh yea! Need to give my regards to Luffy's Crew! Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, Chopper, Robin, Franky, Brook - Thank you for taking care of Luffy :) I understand he can be a bit of a handful, but I don't think you'll find a better captain, apart from me and Captain Roger in the world, of course :)****Speaking of Zoro, I saw Mihawk last week! Or was it last month...? Dahahahahahaha! When he was drunk, and I was sober, he manage to confess out that Zoro was the biggest idiot he had ever seen apart from Luffy but he was a pleasure to teach and he will eagerly await the day when Zoro will once again fight him. He also blurted out that Zoro's (lack of) sense of direction better improve! Dahahahahahaha!****Anyway, this...button thingy (Oh, it's a keyboard! Thanks Benn!), Keyboard is ridiculously bizarre to use - and there's a Marine ship in sight, so I have to go!****Luffy, it's good to see you doing well, and I will look forward to meeting you again. :) *Shanks smiled, a proud look shining in eyes*****.****[This is awesome, sammycircle! I couldn't resist writing as Shanks, in here XDDD This is pure brilliance - the characters are in character, and their reactions are absolutely hilarious! Thank you so much! This is was so much fun to do and read!]**

* * *

SHANKS! How did you get here? Whatever, AWESOME! I split your hat a few times, but then Nami helped me fix it.

"_Do it one more time I won't help you again."Nami warned, although the rest of them knew fully well that their navigator would never turn down their captain's request to mend his straw hat. _

"_GUYS IT'S SHANKS!" _

_Watching in disbelief, the crew gathered to see that the Yonko actually messaged Luffy. And apparently his sense of humour seemed to be alike to Luffy's… _

"_He mentioned my dad!" Usopp was ecstatic, flipping around the ship in a craze. _

"_Shanks is so cool…" With both eyes glazed, Luffy was so emotional mad tears were streaming down his face. Robin kindly offered a handkerchief, while Franky blew his nose loudly. _

THERE'S MEAT? I WANT MEEEEEAAAATTTTT!

Err. I'll take as long as it takes for me to be Pirate King! There can only be one…

"_Obviously." Nami stated, holding her head in her hands. _

"_Did… Did Shanks just thank us for taking care of Luffy?" Usopp read every single detail of the sentence so as to not miss out on anything._

"_Yohohohoho!"_

"_Why does everyone do that!" Nami groaned, though a hint of a smile played on her lips._

_Sanji placed a cocktail next to Nami, "Cos' our captain's too stupid to do anything by himself, Nami-swan."_

"_The Pirate King…" Chopper, still in awe, was in absolute daze. _

"_Hmmprh." Zoro simply continued training – Yonkos had nothing to do with him. _

Zoro – You saw Mihawk? He said I was an _idiot?_

"_Shishishishi I agree!" Luffy clapped his hands in glee, delighted that someone other than himself lacked intellectual capacity. _

"_Your sense of direction is quite bad…" Usopp added. _

_The clinking of kantana immediately shut everyone up._

_Sam read the last few sentences, her expression changing from bored to excitement. "WOW THEY LOVE THIS MONOLOGUE! AND IT'S THANKS TO ME!"_

"_Have you somehow switched bodies with Usopp?" Nami asked suspiciously. _

"_I'm here!" Usopp waved his hands indignantly, as if anyone would dare forget the mighty Usopp's presence. _

Sam – Really, thank you!

* * *

**#8 Shankie**

**(To Sammycircle-san: I'm going to relate everything I did in Ace's monologue in here btw. :3)****Uhh... hi Luffy. Seems you... made a... monologue... *gulp*****Should I show this to Ace?****Okay... first I'm going to talk to everybody... Franky-san, why did you make a... computer/pc/or whatever for Luffy... I thought I told you not to...****Oh by the way, Zoro, man if only you were here! This island only has sake! No water! Even the sea is made of sake!****Okay so back to Luffy, since I don't get to ask these questions since Nami will kill me, I'll ask now! Luffy, do you know what 'making-out' means?****Luffy, what is Boa Hancock's bust size?****Luffy, I'm going to run away really far away right now, I don't want Nami to kill me. So here's a bar of gold I found! *gives Luffy a bar of gold***

* * *

YEAH SHOW IT TO ACE! Tell him he talks too much by himself.

"_Ace's going to have a heart attack." Usopp said indiscreetly._

Franky – Yo he's my captain and I have to follow orders… the computer seems to be serving him well though!

"_Yeah right." Nami drawled, watching Luffy poke the screen with childish innocence._

Zoro – You have got to be kidding me.

"_All. Sake?" Zoro's eyes had glowed to an ominous shade, where everyone besides Robin and Sanji backed away from the swordsman. _

_Flipping the food on the frying pan, Sanji said nonchalantly, "Is sake more important that being the world's greatest swordsman marimo?" _

_That woke Zoro right up. _

Luffy – No, what is it?

"_OH MY GOD." Sanji collapsed, the hot pancakes landing on top of Zoro's head, who threw the scalding pancakes off in pure frustration, making them slap right at Brook's face._

"_OWW MY FACE HURTS SO MUCH IT MIGHT BURN MY SKIN OFF!" Brook screamed, then pausing for a microsecond. "Even though I have no skin yohohohoho." _

"_Nami I can't find making out in the thick book." Luffy was actually skimming through the contents of the dictionary, as Nami snatched it away from his hands._

"_You… Luffy… don't have to learn any new words today!" She said brightly, much to Luffy's happiness at his stroke of luck. _

Luffy – What's bust size?

"_Like the size of her boobs." Franky tried to explain. "A cup, B cup…"_

"_Oh…" There was a moment of apprehension before Luffy began typing his response again._

I'll come back to you later because I have to borrow Sanji's cups… he never lets me go near the kitchen you see!

_As the gold found itself in Luffy's unsuspecting hands, Nami had it in such a flash her captain didn't even notice its existence. Well, at least everyone's happy. _

"_NAMI! HELP ME GET A CUP FROM SANJI!" _

_Almost everyone…_

* * *

**#9 AnimeGirlieGirl (now TypeWritersAreCool)**

**Hiya! My name is Anime, but I go by Lyric (Because I'm so singy!) and Annie! Did you know that if Ace-Kun was born a girl, his name would be Annie! Cool huh! So my question is, what if someone would get rid of all the meat in the world, and the only way to save it was to kill Ace-kun, kill you namaka, or you had to get rid of your dream of being the Pirate King?****Also, for you Usopp, my OC, Lyric, has this problem with the Sogeking, she has this crush on him and wll she has donated tthis wall of love that goes around a island that is 900X your boats.. So can you help her.****Franky, hi! I'm a really big fan of your's! Your so cool! Do you miss your 'family'?****Zoro, I have a very nice question for you! Do you ever wonder what would of happened if she was still alive, would you guys still be fighting over worlds best swordsman?****Nami, I really liked you before the timeskip before you lost all your modesty... What kind of shampoo do you use? This is for Robin too!****Brook, I like your music, but did you get hugged enough as a child? Random question..****Did I miss anyone?****Oh Sanji! What is your favorite dish to make for everyone?****Chopper, who's your favorite crew member? And why?****Last question for everyone! If you couldn't be pirates what would you be instead?**

* * *

Hmm… I don't love meat as much as Ace, my nakama or my dream

"_I find that hard to believe…" Sanji said, imagining his captain gorge himself with food._

SO I guess none? If Ace was a girl he would still be scary – like Nami!

"_Thank you Luffy." Nami said cryptically. _

Usopp – OF COURSE! We welcome this, err, wall of love! Who is this lyric you speak of?

"_Finally someone appreciates me!" Usopp said proudly, his eyes shining like two glowing stars. Everyone else remained disinterested. _

Franky – Thanks man! I know I'm SUPER! My family? Ya meaning Iceburg? Or my former Franky brothers? Ya I miss them… No, I'm not crying…

_Strumming a banjo conjured from thin air, streams of tears flowed down Franky's face as he kept on insisting a calm Robin that he was not emotional. _

"_Of course, Franky-san." Robin smiled, returning to her book. _

Zoro – We made a promise, we'll both be the world's best swordsman! There's nothing that can change the past though… I never beat her when she was… well when she was here.

Nami – To be totally honest, I never cared that much about modesty… we're pirates… You only care for the essentials like your nakama… food… clothes…

"_NAMI-SWAN I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!" _

_Grinning, Nami politely accepted the cocktail made specially for her by Sanji. "Thanks, Sanji-kun."_

Robin – Me and Nami use Dovey Hair products.

Brook – Hugged… I think so, it was such an awfully long time ago.

"_It must be nice to wait for hugs." Brook said randomly, when Chopper ran into his skeleton-thin arms and gave him a big reindeer hug. _

_Cocking his head to the side, Chopper asked, "Is it nice?" _

"_The best things come to those who wait indeed." A very pleased and touched Brook patted Chopper's head. _

Sanji – Anything from the sea!

Chopper – I don't have favourites… But Zoro saves me from drowning a lot and Luffy's always so fun to be around… Usopp-chan too…

"_Chopper's so cute." Nami gazed at the reindeer go frantic in answering to his specific question, a smile on her face. _

Luffy – I'LL BE MEAT KING!

Nami - A millionaire. No… still a navigator, it's just impossible for me to imagine life without travelling and maps.

Sanji – CHEF KING.

Zoro – The world's best swordsman. It doesn't change.

Franky – The world's best mechanic! Even if I'm not a pirate, I'd like to see Thousand Sunny being sailed all over the world.

Chopper – A doctor who can cure all diseases!

Robin – A historian or an archaeologist

Usopp – The world's best sniper!

Brook – Living. Even though I'm already dead yohohohoho!

* * *

**#10 blade of the night**

**Hiya straw hats I have 2 questions one is for Luffy and the other is for everyone:****Luffy if you were randomly walking down a street on an island and ran into Sabo what would you do.****My other question is this why haven't the smart and saner members of the crew drawn up a list of things to do and not to do around Luffy and sent if off to everyone so that you'll stop getting into so much trouble and having to fight lots of strong enemy's.****Good luck finding one piece ;)**

* * *

I'll… ask him where he'd done all these years!

"_We tried." The ship's navigator sighed heavily, pulling out a thick piece of notes from a drawer. It was titled 'Do's and Don'ts'. Evidently, the plan failed terribly._

"_Insane always outweighs sane." Robin said insightfully, sympathising with Nami's plight._

"_Yohohoho I guess that's life on this ship!" Brook played the violin, grinning the widest when he saw Luffy dancing to the music._

* * *

**#11 Hoshichan**

**Zorooooo, can I have a hug please? :3****...You probably say no, so I just hug Sanji instead D:****Great story, Author-san! I'll be looking forward to future chapters - and everyone, good luck finding One Piece and achieving your dreams! :D :D**

* * *

Zoro – No.

"_HUG ME HUG ME HUG ME BEAUTIFUL LADY!" Sanji opened his outstretched hands._

* * *

**#12 Meenah D. Starcross**

**Ohayo, luffy-kun nand crew****  
****i actually have questions for you, sanji and nami. my question for you luffy****  
****did you know that sabo is actually alive? are you happy ( i guess you must****  
****super happy about it) and did you know your dad actually save him? whats you****  
****opinion about you dad now? - as for you sanji how do you feel to know that****  
****zoro has actually more fan girls than you do, so does luffy? - and finally****  
****nami did you know that there some fic about you and law making out? and how do****  
****feel about law? my last question how do you feel about luffy?****  
****sorry for all the question 3 i'm just a bit curious about it. here some gifts****  
*****throws a giant meat pie, some fist class kitchen stuff and 600 426 000b*****  
****thanks for answers * bows***

* * *

Sabo is ALIVE?! I don't even know my dad.

"_Who's Sabo?"_

"_My childhood friend…" Luffy said slowly, staring at a distance. Zoro knew better than to probe further so he resumed training._

Sanji – You are lying my dear, nobody in the right sane mind would be a fan of that shitty bastard, or an idiot like Luffy. Perhaps you've hit your head too hard?

Nami – What. Are. You. Saying? Law is weird, disturbing, and hard to understand. We don't even _know _each other!

"_Nami you kissed Law?" Chopper and Usopp asked in sync. Gaping at them, Nami vehemently shook her head, only to see Sanji faint (how many times has it been already?) from the false alarm. _

Nami – Luffy is my nakama, and my captain.

"_I think she was implying something else…" Brook took notice, much to Nami's embarrassment. _

"_MEAT PIE! FOOD!"_

"_I can cook loads more with these…"_

"_BELI! BELI! THANK YOU LORD!" _

_The other forgotten crew mates watched on, as Usopp crossed his arms. "How come they always forget about me? I, the Great Usopp-sama –_

"_BELI!" Nami crashed into Usopp, his nose colliding with the hard floor below._

* * *

_**I'm so sorry this took so long to update! Life has been crazy (as usual) but your support really is gratifying:D I'd really like to reply to a lot of your reviews when I have the time but for now, enjoy this super duper long chapter! (never wrote this long ever) Enjoy~**  
_

_**BTW I'm also working on a Ace/Nojiko story, which is weird because nobody ships them but I find it nice for some strange reason.**_

**_Disclaimer_**_**: I don't own anything except Sam which is called self-insertion:D **_


	6. Q&A 5

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

* * *

**#1 Vegetable of Darkness**

**Hello my original penname was Destroyer-of-vegetables and as you can see I've changed it.****  
****Zoro- Wise answer! And I can assure you that your bounty is higher than sanjis but that doesn't mean he's much weaker.****  
****Luffy- Again I'm not sure if you've been asked befor but how far along the grandline are you?**

* * *

Why are you still a vegetable?

"_Luffy! You don't question people's names!" Nami scolded, whilst counting the beli in her hand._

Zoro – Oh trust me, I have no issues with his… no kicking women policy but it doesn't mean that all women are weaker than men.

I'm the best _swordsman_. I don't really care if I'm the _strongest. _

"_Women should always be protected!" Sanji argued, much to Nami's annoyance._

"_That's why you got beaten by the CP9 and I had to rescue you…" She said, not really liking the memory of being as smooth as a bubble._

"_THANK YOU NAMI-SWAN!"_

_Zoro glared at him. "Shut up."_

Luffy – I don't know! We're at the New World I think? Whatever!

"_He's hopeless…" Usopp, Chopper and Nami all agreed simultaneously._

* * *

**#2 ****TypeWriter'sAreCool**

**Another question!****Hello my new pirate friends! Annie again! Did you miss me!? Luff, guess what!? Me and Ace, are gonna get married! Oh and Usopp, I can never forget about you! Lyric, is now trying to find him! She's over in the corner crying, because she can't find him.. I feel so bad.. Zoro, Are you dating anyone? (if no) are you taking any applications? Sanji; Between an intelligent woman who acts dumb or a dumb woman who tries to act intelligent, who would you pick? Chopper and Franky; Where's your favorite place in the whole world? Robin; Do you see yourself falling in love? Nami; What's the one thing you would do, if you were able to do it? Brook; What is the one word that you absolutely HATE people using?**

* * *

Hi Anne! You and Ace are getting married? What? That's so weird. Okay.

"_HUH?!" The entire crew gaped at Luffy's nonchalant reaction – and the fact that Ace said yes. _

"_Umm… I guess he's happy…" Chopper gave a small smile and Sanji who would normally have a vehement expression simply continued cooking (though he had no need to flip the egg so high up). _

But Usopp's here beside me? Ask her to come visit sometime!

"_YES I THE GREAT CAPTAIN USOPP!" Usopp puffed out his chest proudly, while Luffy boxed him._

"_What was that for?" The long-nosed spluttered, rubbing his injured nose._

_Luffy pointed to himself, "I'M captain!"_

Zoro – No. Why does everyone ask me if I'm single or attached?

"_I wonder why too…" Nami said rather sympathetically, whether it was for Zoro's plight or for the fact that anyone would want to date the moss-head remains unknown. _

Sanji – I'LL PICK ALL OF THEM! LADIES, IF YOU PLEASE~! Although I'll pick the intelligent one because it must be because of a dark past where they had to be forced to act dumb do not worry, your prince charming is on the way!

"_And who's the Prince Charming?" Usopp asked to the straw hat audience._

"_Not that dumb blonde there." Zoro looked at the twirling Sanji, not amused. _

"_Who's the dumb blonde?" Luffy asked curiously. "Can I have more meat?" _

Chopper – Sakura Island! I don't mind anywhere… except places which are scary like Thriller Bark… no I don't want to go there again!

"_Nobody would force you Chopper, don't worry." Nami patted a quivering Chopper as Robin offered to read him a story (with a happy ending)._

"_Why don't we ever get this treatment?" Sanji whined, bursting into a torrent of tears._

_Franky said with a wide grin, downing his cola within seconds, "Cos you ain't super enough for them, that's for sure."_

Franky – Somewhere with lots of beaches… SUPER!

"_Is it because you'll freeze in your speedo?" Chopper piped up innocently. _

Robin – In love? No.

_Sanji sidled up to Robin to see her response, in which Franky stopped him. "Have some dignity!" – which was very uncharacteristic of the cyborg. _

"_Says the one who wears his underwear as normal clothing." Sanji grumbled._

"_SPEEDO! IT'S A SPEEDO!" _

Nami – Get a printer to print unlimited beli. I know… it's illegal… but we're pirates!

"_I'll get one for your Nami-swan!" _

"_I hope you get caught." Zoro said candidly. _

"_THAT'S SO COOL." Luffy sounded interested, not about the printer but about stealing the printer. As usual, up for an adventure._

Brook – Dead. I don't like it when people use the word 'dead', it makes me… well it makes me feel dead. But I'm alive! Bones and all! Yohohohohoho!

"_But Brook, weren't you dead?" Luffy cocked his head to the side, totally muddled up. _

"_Luffy-san, please don't use that word!"_

"_What word?"_

* * *

**#3 Serene Grace**

**Thanks for answering my questions future Pirate King, future World's Greatest Swordsman, future World Map Charter, future Brave Warrior of the Sea, future Founder of All Blue, future World's Greatest Doctor, future Founder of the True History, future World's Greatest Shipwright, and future All Star of the Seas. (Try to say that three times fast) This time, I'll be asking questions individually to all of you, just to annoy the lot of you.****Luffy: Since someone was already nice enough to inform you that Sabo's alive, are you perhaps angry at him for not being there to help save Ace? Did you know that he's already visited Ace's grave in the New World? He left a bottle of sake and three serving cups as well as a newspaper with the news of the Strawhats' revival on Ace's gravestone. You should visit Ace as well someday.****Zoro: TELL US EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WITH MIHAWK. NO DETAILS SPARED. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.****Nami: What are your thoughts and reaction to the fact that you're pretty much paired up with everyone in your crew?****Usopp: Believe or not your guys, Usopp is much more loved than you think. I mean, while a lot of people didn't like him when he first joined, we all came to love him after the events of Water 7 and Enies Lobby. Back to my question, can you picture you and the crew on the same level as the Red-Haired Pirates someday, with you in a similar position and attitude as your father?****Sanji: TELL US EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN OKAMALAND. NO DETAILS SPARED. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.****Chopper: Since your ambition to to find a cure for all diseases, what do you think you'd have to do to find the cure for cancer? Do you even HAVE cancer in your world?****Robin: Describe your nakama in just one word please. Just one.****Franky: Since you've already gotten probably the best design improvement out of all the Strawhats, how do you think you could make your SUPER-awesome body any better?****Brook: Before you even ask Brook, I don't wear panties. Would you like to check? I don't mind. :)****Everyone minus Luffy: How do you think the events at Marineford would have turned out if you all were to actually have been there for Luffy?****Entire crew: Since you already know about the manga series your adventures have been turned into thanks to Oda, did you know there's an ANIME series as well? Here, check out this opening. It's the 13th opening for the series and describes almost the entirety of the Marineford War, minus Ace and Whitebeard's death of course.****DON'T FORGET ZE UPDATEZZZZ!****Ta-ta**

* * *

… Why would I be angry with Sabo? I was the one who wanted to save Ace even though he always tells me not to interfere with his adventures…

ACE IS NOT DEAD YOU DUMBASS!

_Never had anyone seen Luffy so furious, and surely would have crushed the computer with one fist if Chopper had not gone to restrain him._

"_Luffy… perhaps she wasn't thinking straight?" Nami suggested doubtfully._

"_Or maybe she was kidding…" Usopp tried to pacify the situation, but it only made Luffy respond bluntly, "It's not funny."_

"_Ace's Monologue seems to be still active." Robin said quietly, though not unheard as Luffy gave her a big smile. _

Zoro – I trained with him? And he nearly killed me several times, caused me to lose an eye, made me stronger but I have not managed to kill him yet. You wait and see.

"_Zoro's so cool!" Chopper squealed, full of admiration for the swordsman._

"_More of scary… look at his eyes – I mean eye." Usopp creeped away from the aura Zoro was emitting. _

Nami – It's disturbing, very _wrong _and you can't just pair me with Chopper! Those people are terribly delusional… but if they pay up I might consider…

"_Are you saying Nami was paired with me?!" Sanji screamed in an unmanly fashion, burying himself in happiness. _

Usopp – Of course! I will be the great warrior of the sea, just like my dad! And the best sniper!

"_Usopp, your dad is part of Shank's crew? AWESOME!" Chopper jumped up and down, bouncing in excitement. _

"_Thank you, thank you!" Usopp bowed to an imaginary audience that consisted of a sleeping Zoro and a cute reindeer climbing atop the swordsman's head. _

Sanji – I will. Never. Ever. Talk. About. That horrible place again. Even to a beautiful mademoiselle. All I can say is – there were many damn ugly men there. Shitty bastards.

"_Oh, you dressed like a woman?" Zoro cocked an eyebrow in bemusement._

"_SHUT TH E FUC-" Before Sanji had a chance to throw a string of profanities, a map-drawing Nami kicked them apart, not wanting her concentration to be disturbed by the two. _

Chopper – Is cancer really bad? It sound really bad! Definitely I have to find a cure for that!

_Robin showed Chopper a webpage on cancer with a slight frown on her face. Chopper scanned the page with a concerned expression._

"_Robin, I have to find a cure for this!" He said in all determination, in which Robin patted him in her usual motherly fashion._

"_Of course, Doctor-san."_

"_I don't like being called doctor~!" _

Robin – One word to describe my nakama? …Incredible.

_The rare show of affection Robin just did made everyone smile, while a sniffling Franky blew loudly into his tissue. _

Franky – EVEN more super?! I might consider inserting a music box… free music SUPER FRANKY ULTIMATE RADIO!

"_That's so awesome!" Luffy shouted in glee, dancing around the deck._

"_This is why we never get peace and quiet…" Nami shook her head in mild annoyance, making a mental note to get ear plugs. _

Brook – You'd… like… me… to… check if you have… panties?

_Chopper didn't know what was more frightening – blood spurting out from a skeleton's nose or the fact that Brook looked half-dead (in bliss). _

"_Pan…ties…." _

_Sanji scolded, "You pervert!"'_

"_Then what about you?" Usopp put on his most blank expression, nearly scalded by boiling water thrown at him. _

Zoro – If we were there, there isn't anything to say if we _were _there, because we _weren't. _Luffy has chosen to go help his brother because it was his choice and as his crew we respect that. And at that point of time, we were badly beaten and definitely not strong enough to fight in the war, so Luffy might have ended up having to protect us, his nakama, and we'd be more of a burden than help.

_All of the straw hats, (besides Luffy, who happened to be distracted by another strange sea creature) nodded slowly, despite how hard this was for them to digest, they understand. They were weaker, less experienced then and they never wanted to let their captain down. _

Luffy – What's anime? Is it food?

"_We have our own television show…" Robin informed him calmly._

"_SERIOUSLY?! WHERE?" Luffy looked around wildly, as if assuming a television set would appear. _

_Nami yawned, taking a sip from her lemonade. "Not in the middle of the sea that's for sure."_

* * *

**#4 ****Shankie**

**Well, I'm lucky I wasn't chased down by Nami! I'm so sorry, Luffy, I was cranky at that time, specially since the smell of sake kind of irritated me. Here Zoro! Have a taste *gives a bottle of Sake from the island to Zoro* It's taste is very unusual.****Anyway, Luffy, saw Sabo again... Oh wait, did I forget to tell you that Sabo's alive? 'Coz if I did... I must be getting forgetful. But I'm pretty sure I told you. He wanted to give this to you by the way. *hands over binoculars* He said that it might've been what you wanted for a really long time now, but it's something he wanted to give to you long ago. Sweet isn't it?****Hmm... since you do have a computer now...****To everyone else except Luffy- Make sure he stays in the Rated- K to T section only in fanfiction, don't let him go to the Rated M section, no. matter. WHAT. Don't make him GO to random sites, or make him search for pictures. The internet is not safe.****For example, this one I found. *hands over a photo to Zoro and to Sanji* Now, rip it, burn it, throw the ashes in to the ocean. And don't show Luffy!****Love ya guys!**

* * *

Why don't you like sake Shankie? Shanks likes sake a lot!

"_They're not the same person Luffy…" Nami reminded him tiredly. _

"_But their names sound the same!" Luffy countered with his own self-formed logic._

_Zoro gulped down the sake, then his eyes glazed over. Picking up his kantana, Zoro jumped to the edge of the ship, letting himself fall off._

"_ZORO!" _

_Sanjij dragged Zoro back to the ship by his legs, lighting a cigarette. "That bastard – as if Luffy falling off isn't enough." _

"_Perhaps it was the sake…" Chopper examined the bottle._

_Luffy sat cross-legged beside an unconscious Zoro. "As long as he's okay, Chopper go treat him!" _

"_Okay!" Chopper put down the bottle, rushing to treat his patient who used to save him countless times from his devil fruit curse. Now, it was his turn to return the favour. _

What was in the sake anyway, Shankie? Even though Zoro's kind of stupid he wouldn't just jump off the ship…

"_The idiot called me stupid?" Zoro growled._

"_Eh Zoro you're awake!" Luffy exclaimed happily. _

_Binoculars flew out and landed in Luffy's hands. He peered into them, trying to stare into Usopp's nostrils._

"_Wow Usopp, you have big boogers!" _

"_LUFFY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK INTO THE SEA, NOT AT MY BOOGERS!" _

"_But I do that every day…" Luffy complained as the binoculars were grabbed by Usopp. _

A photograph of someone who resembled Luffy flew onto Zoro's lap and Sanji clutched it with a look of pure disgust. Luffy was well… to sum it up, wearing his birthday suit, rather uncompromising.

"_What's that?" Luffy snatched it out before they could burn it to crisp._

"_Sanji, how come I'm naked?" The idiot, who hardly grasped the situation showed it to Usopp who turned rather green. _

"_So you can't even blackmail Luffy this way…" Nami ripped the photograph, sighing. She'd seen enough for a lifetime._

_Robin sat comfortably on a beach chair, pointing at Luffy in front of the computer. "Our captain is looking at the M rated section." _

"_LIKE HELL!" _

_Franky armed himself with a couple of tools to re-program the computer. Everyone applauded, much to Luffy's puzzlement._

* * *

**A/N**

******NOTE: **_Okay, so let's assume that this story's timeline… is around the new world period. But Ace didn't die, BUT they still trained for 2 years, because if Ace died he wouldn't have his own monologue… since these 2 storied are inter-connected and I like Ace so he shall stay alive^^_

**THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT EVERYONE! For all who have reviewed, followed, favourited, I'd never find the inspiration to write if not for you guys;)**

**I hope you enjoy this, I've decided that the amount of questions (Luffy) answers would depend on the length. It doesn't mean I've forgotten the questions, it just means they'll be in the next time I update!**

**By the way... Just so you know the next chapter... there would be a special bonus question none other by Luffy's (overprotective) older brother. Look forward to it ;)**


	7. Bonus Question

**Welcome to Luffy's Monologue**

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**BONUS QUESTION: **

**#1 Portgas D. Ace**

Luffy… I haven't got a clue how or _why _you made a monologue, firstly it's copyright issues even though we're in the sea and I can't sue you because you're my little brother…

Firstly, your grammar… I knew it was bad since we didn't exactly go to school (too busy slaying tigers) but good god… you have to thank that navigator of yours. Remember how you're supposed to remember punctuation and tenses and I actually went to learn them because I had to learn what was written on my bounty poster (because I care why they hate me so much).

Well… anyway how are you doing now? You do know it's easy to get scurvy in the open sea which is why you should eat your vegetables when that blonde cook tells you to and not whine and stretch just like you did ten years ago when Dadan actually _bought _vegetables. With her own money. (I think) Oh wait… she doesn't have money, that hag.

I sound like an annoying brother again don't I? That's because you keep worrying me with your stupid antics! You can't just wage a war with the World Government… not that I'm one to say, they're chasing after me as well. Even though you have this amazing survival instinct which causes you to pull through the most absurd situations, I do hope that you'll promise to be less reckless – oh who am I kidding…

I've attached a package (DO NOT OPEN IT NOW) and it's a (DO NOT OPEN IT STAY PUT LUFFY) small (LUFFY IF YOU GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THE CHAIR I WILL BURN YOU) den den mushi so you can call me if you need to. I hope you read this before opening because once opened the box self destructs in ten seconds.

So, I'm guessing there's a hole in your ship now? Really, I feel sorry for your shipwright.

That's all now, till next time we meet. (I wonder if you can beat me? Nah.)

Call me. But not for food.

-Ace

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**A/N There you go! Maybe someday Luffy would write back to this ;) I can totally imagine how his crew would react to the present... **


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One Piece, Humor, Parody