Harry Potter 1. So, who's real?

**Hey! **I have a new HP story to try out. The inspiration comes from my friends and me, acutally. We were all hanging out and we were wondering what it would be like for us to desrtoy the Potterverse. So that's exactly what ill happen (hopefully).

Anywhoodles, it might start out a bit slow, especially the first two chapters, but it will get better. Most of the things that we thought up will happen a bit more intp the story.

I know that putting origional characters, especially based on real people is always a risk, but this story is supposed to be really silly, and hopefully if I write another HP fic, it will only involve real characters.

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH HARRY POTTER. THE OUI GANG IS FOUNDED BY JILLY-O, LODDLE, AND MOLE. **

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**Chapter 1: So, who's real?**

"Give me the book now!"

"No, I'm still reading it!"

"What are you guys fighting over? Is that Harry Potter? Oh man..."

Three teenage girls were sitting across a large sectional sofa. Two of them were tugging at a copy of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire", while the third looked on with a look of amusement and pity.

"Mole! Haven't you read this one like twice?" Asked a the first girl through gritted teeth. She had dark auburn curly hair and was pulling at the book away from a very short girl.

"Aw, c'mon, Jilly-O." Whined the short girl. She had a short mess of chin-length brown hair, which at the moment was straight, but disheveled. "Loddle, will you like throw a pillow at her or someting?" The petite Mole asked the girl sitting at the far end of the couch. Loddle also had brown hair, but it was longer than Mole's and pulled back into a ponytail. She looked tall and athletic. She took aim at Jilly-O with a throw pillow, and whipped it at her face.

"AAARGH!" Jilly-O yelled. She dropped the book and it fell open. Mole dove for the book. After Loddle had stopped laughing, she looked at Mole and found only her legs sticking out of the pages of the Harry Potter book. She gasped and grabbed Mole's right leg. Jilly-O took the left one. Whatever was pulling Mole in was much stronger than the two girls. All three of them were pulled in by the mysterious force. The last sound that they made in the house they were leavig was "What the hell is this!"

The three girls landed in a heap on a cold stone floor. Jilly-O was the first to speak. "Geez, Mole! What did you do now?"

"Oh, blame me! 'Snot my fault your Harry Potter book is like posessed or something!" Mole snapped. She held up the book and waved it a bit to emphasize. Loddle suddenly jerked the book out of her hand. "Loddle, what?"

"This isn't Harry Potter. Look!" She lookes freaked out. She showed her friends the cover of the novel in her hands. Jilly-O and Mole gasped. The book didn't say "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" anymore. It read:  
"The Oui Gang and the White Mountains"

There was a cheesy illustration of Mole, Jilly-O and Loddle on the cover, and they were moving!

"No way! That's our gang! That's like stealing!" Mole said.

"Oh. My. GOSH!" Came a squeal from behind the Oui Gang. The three jumped with surprise and turned their head to whoever just squealed. The source of the noise was a bushy-haired teenage girl who was holding an armfull of books. She looked nice but her hair was out of control! She continued to speak excitedly.

" I knew the pictures in the books could move, but I never heard of them falling out of the book! There's so much to learn about wizards! I can't believe this. The Oui Gang falling out of their book and into the school! Brilliant! Come along we must show the Headmaster!" She said all this very fast, and in a British accent.

"We must be in Britain!" Mole deducted, proud of herself.

"Well, obviously..." Sighed Loddle.

Jilly-O was too busy staring at the new girl. "Geez! Y'know there are things you can do for that hair! Ever hear of a blowdryer? Or conditioner?" She asked, being one who knew how to deal with hair.

Mole, finally recollecting her thoughts, asked, " Wait, how do you know about our group? And how did we fall out of your book? And... who are you?"

The strange girl straightened the weird robes she was wearing. "The Oui Gang series is one of the most popular book series among the wizarding youth. You are obviously little Mole. She's the short one." The girl paused when she recieved a glare from Mole. "Anyhow, the book is about three witches who go on obscure adventures. You are in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I'm Hermione Granger."

Jilly-O stood up. "No way!" Her eyes were round. "We're in the Harry Potter book!"

"You just figured that out now?" Asked Loddle sarcastically.

"Well aren't you Miss Smarty-Pants!" Jilly-O snapped at her friend.

Hermione spoke again. "Wait, you know about Harry? How? You're fictional!" She was dumbfounded for once.

"Who're you calling fictional! You are fictional!" Mole shouted, pointing at Hermione. "You're just a character from the Harry Potter book. Hermione Granger, the know-it-all genius girl. Harry and Ron's friend. Hah now see who knows who!" Mole sounded victorious, still miffed from the "short one" comment.

For the next five minutes, the Oui Gang and Hermione all stood there, staring at eachother. Loddle broke the silence.

"So... who's real?"

"Obviously we all are." Jilly-O said.

"It must be some sort of alternate dimension." Hermione said in a know-it-all manner. "There must be a book about it in the library." She sounded eager to get to the library.

"So how will we get home? We're in a book!" Mole asked. " And wait a minute.The only place you're taking us to is Dumbledore's office, Missy!"

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That's it for chapter one. What do you think about the characters? More will be explained! Sorry if there's any typos.


	2. THey go to Diagon Alley

**OK**chapter two. Excited yet?

**STILL DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER, Y'KNOW...**

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**Chapter 2: They go to Diagon Alley**

The four girls walked through Hogwarts's corridors, heading towards the Headmaster's office. Jilly-O, Loddle, and Mole couldn't see how the students remembered their way around the castle. It was Huge! They were amazed by the moving paintings that lined the walls. Before long, they reached the gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's rooms. Hermione said the password, (Droobles) and they ascended to the office. Once inside, they saw Dumbledore in the flesh sitting at his desk.

Mole was the first to speak. "Oh man! It's really Professor Dumbledore! Aaah! His eyes are all twinkley like in the book!" She realized what she was doing and looked at him sheepishly. "Um, hullo Sir."

Dumbledore seemed not to notice Mole's momentary insanity, instead he smiled. "Good afternoon, Miss...?" He didn't know who the girl was.

"It's Mole, Professor." she told him, looking down at her sneakers.

"Ah, like that book." He chuckled. " Lemon drop?" He asked, holding up a little tin.

"Aw, sweet! Thanks!" Mole said, accepting a candy. She always wondered why nobody ever accepted Lemon Drops. The girls all sat from across the desk and Hermione explained what had happened.

"Interesting." Said Dumbledore, eyes a-twinkle. "And how old are you ladies? I'll need to know so I can see If you can tag along with the other students."

"We're sixteen." Said Jilly-O. "Could we really stay here? That would be so cool! But we really need to try to find a way back while we're here."

"Yes. And I will see if any of the professors in the school can help. In the meantime, you will need to get some things. I will arrange for a trip to Diagon Alley." Dumbledore told them. The three girls' eyes lit up. Even Loddle, who wasn't a huge fan, couldn't resist the excitement of going to Diagon Alley. "We also should see if you have any magical ability." Dumbledore added. In response to the questioning looks on the girls' faces, he said, " In the book, you girls are witches. Perhaps being in the magical world has enables that for you." When he said "magical", it felt as though he meant "real", but the girls paid no mind.

"So will we get sorted and stuff?" Mole asked, excitedly.

"We'll see. After your trip to Diagon Alley, I'll introduce you to the school." Dumbledore smiled and went to his fireplace. He threw in some floo powder and shouted "Hagrid?". The half-giant soon was stepping out of the fireplace. Luckily, it was big enough to fit him.

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore, Sir?" Asked Hagrid

"Hagrid, could I ask you to escort these three young ladies to Diagon Alley? It's important that they get some necessities." Dumbledore requested.

Hagrid straightened out in pride. " O' course! You can trus' me fer yer Hogwarts duties. And who are these young ladies?" He looked at the Oui Gang curiously, so they introduced themselves. Mole found herself gaping.

"You're...so...tall!"

Hagrid laughed. "I guess so, and seein' as yer such a littl'un... Now don't hurt yer neck, lass." Hargrid joked, seeing that mole had to look straight up to see his face. The four were off through the floo, which was not the best way to travel. Their first stop was Gringott's Bank, where they stopped at the Hogwarts' account for some money. A lot of people generous people must have supported the school. The girls had never seen so much gold in their lives... And they watched a lot of adventure movies. Each of them having their own little pouch of money, and the account hardly even dented, they set off for some shopping.

"Oh, I'm so excited! I love shopping!" Jilly-O grinned. Mole and Loddle nodded in agreement. They decided to get some clothes first, so they all trooped into Madam Malkin's. They decided to look for a couple school uniforms, nice skirts, warm traveling cloaks for the winter, and some normal robes for wearing whenever.

"Are you sure we should get these, you guys?" Loddle asked.

"Sure." Mole answered. "You never know when we might need them here. Besides they're kinda cool. And free...for us!"

"Yeah," Loddle agreed, but then frowned. "But I feel like a dork at some sort of comic convention..."

" Well, these cloaks are cool." Jilly-O said, pulling up the hood on a deep violet cloak. "I want this one." So they finished their shopping in that store and pulled their new robes over their t-shirts and jeans so they felt like they fit in. Their next stop was Olivander's, to see what would happen if they tried a wand.

Entering the dark little shop, they suddenly felt the air around them change. "What's with the tingling?" Mole asked.

"It's the magic!" Came a spooky whisper from behind them. They wheeled around quickly to see a creepy old man behind them.

"Holy shit!" Loddle yelped. "Where did you come from!"

"Good afternoon to you too." The old mad huffed. "I'm Mr. Olivander. Are you looking for wands today?" The three girls just looed at eachother.

Hagrid spoke up. "We migh' just be. We're not sure if they qualify, If yeh know what I mean..."

"You mean you brought muggles into-"

" 'S a long story. Can we just try an' see what happens?" Hagrid interrupted.

Olivander merely nodded and went to his desk. He pulled out a measuring tape, and let it go about it's work. It was measuring the length of the girls' arms. Olivander turned to Mole first. holding out a wand, he said, " Give this one a wave, Miss." Mole did just that, and the ceiling abover her cracked unpleasantly.

"Ah! Sorry!" Mole said. Olivander just smiled. It was really creepy. His eyes were all cloudy.

"No matter, now we know you are capable of magic. Just not with this wand. It's the-"

"Wand that chooses the witch?" Jilly-O interjected.

"Exactly!" Olivander set out to find wands for each of the girls and whithin the hour, they had paid for their new wands and were out on the cobbled street again, with a new happiness.

"This is pretty sweet!" Mole smiled. "I wanna try some magic!" She was bouncing up and down really fast.

Hargid laughed. " Maybe yeh should learn some, first."

Loddle took Mole's side. "We read the series look!" She pointed her wand at a small rock on the ground. "Wingardium leviosa!" The rock gave a feeble wiggle. "What the hell!" , She growled. Jilly-O laughed at Loddle. "Loser! You need to swish and flick!" She performed the spell a bit more impressively.

Loddle glared at Jilly-O "Petrificus Totalus, bitch!"

"Wow, you petrificus-sed...ed her! Now lemme fix it. Um, Finite Incantatem? Oh, sweet!" Mole felt pretty proud of herself. After that little episode, Hagrid pulled out a list of books that they would need, since they now had the option of learning magic. To the girls' dissapointment, they were on the first year level, but at least they would get a little private tutoring. Hagrid told them that they might be able to finish the year on a third year's level. Then he laughed, saying "If yer lucky!" "Ouch!" Replied Mole.

They hit the bookstore, stationary shop, and the apochary, where they got their potions supplies. Mole was the only one excited about that. They managed to convince Hagrid that they needed an owl, so they were now standing in the Magical Menagerie looking at the animals. They chose a handsome barn owl for them to share and would decide to name him later.

Their final stop was The Leaky Cauldron for some lunch. The girls ordered Butterbeer for drinks and couldn't wait to try it. "This is so great. It's like better than the time when we saw butterbeer on the menue at Chunkys! I mean this time it will actually be Butterbeer!" On the count of three, they oponed their bottles and took a swig. It seemed like they all liked it, because they were all chugging it as fast as they could.

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"So I take it your day was quite eventful." Dumbledore was smiling at the Oui Gang. "Now tell me. This book series, Harry Potter. How far does the series go?" He asked.

"His sixth year, so far. Number seven hasn't come out. Why? how old is Harry now?" Mole answered.

"Harry and his friends are in their fourth year. This means that you know what is to come of our future. This may be difficult for you, but you mustn't tell anyone. No. Not evem myself. You cann't alter what is to come." Dumbledore suddenly sounded very serious. "Now before I show you to your rooms, let me tell you abou what is going on this year. Although you may allready know." He winked. " The fall term has just started. Next month, two other schools will be joining us for the Triwizard Tournament. Do you need an explanation?" The girls shook their head in the negative. "Excellent. Now come with me. I'll show you where you'll be staying." He led them out of his office.

Once again, the girls were stunned by the size of the castle. As if reading their minds, he said. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it." After a while, they reached a large painting of a ship's deck. Dumbledore stood in front of it for a while, and then grew a bit impatient. "Hello?" He called. A pirate wearing a brown shirt and navy breeches stumbled into the picture clutching a bottle of rum. The girls were thrilled, becaus ethey loved pirates, and he wasn't too bad looking...for a painting. The artist must have really had a romanticized view of the piratical life. He looked at the headmaster questioningly. "Your picture is going to be used now, so look here. These lovlely ladies are using this room. They'll give you a password." He told the pirate.

"Aye, Sir. And the password, lassie?"

"Uh, rectangle?" Loddle offered.

"Rectangle...I'll do my best to remember, lass, or to the depths with me." The pirate promised. The portriat swung forward like a door, and they entered the room. It was a comfortable looking common room with four doors on the back wall. The girls looked around a bit before dumbledore spoke to them.

"I'll let you settle. Dinner will be at six thirty, but I will come and get you so you can be introduced and sorted tonight.You won't need to live with the rest of your house if you don't want to, though. Here are some maps that will always show you where you are." He gave them each a piece of parchment. "Not as impressive as Mr. Potter's, but the rooms are labled for you." With that, he left. The girls looked down at their maps, each to see a single red star in a room labled "Oui Gang Quarters."

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INPUT INPUT! I love hearing what you readers think! I have so many Ideas for this story. Still I'm sorry if the whole adding origionals bothers anyone, but you know? Don't read it, then. These guys won't me Mary-Sues, though. 


	3. Potions and New Guests

Here's chapter three. Sorry for the wait, but I'm a busy(I mean lazy) girl. In this chapter, the other students come YAY. Yeah I'm glad it snowed, or else I wouldn'r have had the time to finish this chapter. You should be glad for the snow, too. (Unless you had to shovel it, or didn't get any snow.) Um read now. **

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**Chapter 3: Potions and New Guests**

The girls were settling into the castle over the next few weeks. They were now Ravenclaws that occaisionally sat in with some of the younger students in class. They were excited today, because it would be the their first private potions lesson. Well, Mole was excited. The Oui Gang cared more about the upcoming arrival of the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. It was seven o' clock in the morning, when all three girls emerged from their respected bedrooms. They had an hour until their class, so they went down for breakfast. In the Great Hall, the girls had to get used to all of the students wanting them to sit at their table. It wasn't everyday that your favorite book characters walked among them. Even the resident celebrity, Harry Potter seemed interested.

"Don't look now," Loddle muttered upon entering the hall. " The Potter kid is trying to catch our eye."

Jilly-O wrinkled her nose. "Ug-ly!" Mole giggled in respondse to this. "I can't believe that we have to learn potions, speaking of _ugly_."

"Who knows?" Mole pondered. "It might be fun."

"What a LOSER!" Jilly-O and Loddle said in unison. Mole growled and turned their noses blue. She really enjoyed the whole magic thing. They sat at the Ravenclaw table, and a dark-haired girl smiled at them.

"Hi, I'm Cho." She said sweetly. The Oui Gang exchanged glances that seemed to say. "Isn't she the crazy bitch who totally spazzed on Potter?"

"Erm, hi, Cho." Jilly-O Said. They didn't say much after that, not wanting to speak to this girl.

After a not-so-eventful breakfast, they went down to the dungeons. It was Saturday, and they had their lesson while the students were at Hogsmeade. As the walked, they dicussed how surprosing that it was, having Snape give his weekend to teach them. Dumbledore must have had a lot to do with this. Loddle, who was in charge of navigation, held her hand up, signaling to her friends that they had reached the right door. They stood outside, silently debating who should go in first. As usual, they chose to sacrifice the small one.

Mole gave her friends a desperate look, like the one she gave them when they sent her out into the roller rink parking-lot to check the sign on the door, even though there was a scary old man outside. Taking a deep breath, the nervous girl placed a shaky hand on the door knob and opened the door. Professor Snape was bent over some parchment scribbling away. His black hair fell over half of his face and he was pale and thin.

"Woah, I didn't know he was an EMO!" Loddle said laughingly. The other girls snickered until Snape looked up and glared at them. They all shut up and waited for their impending doom.

"Are you calling me a bird, Miss Loddle?" The tall maan asked icily.

"No, that would be an _emu_. Not an _emo_. No." Loddle started, but then realized something. " Wait, how did you know who I was?" She asked.

Professor Snape nodded his head towards five novels stacked on top of one-another. "Firstly, it's either Professor, or Sir to you. And secondly, I felt as though I should research my new students." He drawled. Mole walked over to inspect the books and found that they were very worn and had Snape's name on the inside cover.

"Hm, how long have you been researching us, man?" Mole grinned.

Snape looked at them for a moment and then sighed. "Fine, I'm a fan of the books! But there are those who are worse than I. Some even write these terrible things called 'fanfictions' about you!" He admitted. Mole and Jilly-O looked at each other guiltily, both being fanfiction authors. The professor cleared his throat. "Now, if you little twits are done slacking off, perhaps we can start on your lesson." He said, replacing the evil git persona.

Jilly-O, Loddle, and Mole each took a seat and took out parchment and quills. Professor Snape gave them a half hour lecture on wormwood's reaction with dragonweed, and why they had to be added properly. "And so, knowng this, and looking at your notes, what should be added before the dragonweed?...Miss Mole, do you know?"

"Erm," Mole scanned her parchment and suddenly looked up. "Yeah! It's Newt's liver." She grinned as Snape nodded. "Wow, I like this more than chemistry."

Snape tried to dampen her enthusiasm. "Yes, that was correct, but I hardly expect-" Mole cut him off

"Any of us to really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human vains, bewitcing the mind, and ensnaring the senses? Sir, could you teach _us_ how to bottle fame, brew glory, or even stopper death? Are you about to call us dunderheads? " Mole looked triumphant to Snape's look of surprise.

"Mole, you're such a dork!" Jilly-O said, shoving her out of her desk. "How do you remember these things? Honestly!" Loddle just watched the whole ordeal, laughing. Her friends really were dorks, but she loved them anyways.

Professor Snape soon had them each brewing the potion that they were learning about. It seemed that the girls were not dunderheads, but he wasn't ready to admit that about anyone. Even some of his favorite book characters. Jilly-O kept shooting "dork"s out of the corner of her mouth towards Mole, who seemed enthusiastic about the class. When Snape got up to go check their progress, all three of the girls seemed to have brewed their potions right. He came to get a sample of each, but when he was checking Loddle's, Mole aimed her wand at Jilly-O's cauldron.

The next thing they knew, they were all covered in blue goop. "Nice goin' Jilly-O!" Mole laughed.

"Yeah right, bitch!" Jilly-O lunged at her friend. She thought that the whole thing was funny, but knew that Snape wouldn't share their sense of humor.

"Miss Mole, you have detention all of next week. Every night at eight o' clock sharp! Professor Snape snapped. Mole looked a but unhappy to have gotten in trouble, but then shook it off. "Okay." She said. After the Oui Gang were made to clean the mess, they were walking up to the Great Hall for lunch, all laughing at how annoyed Snape was. "Dark would be proud!" Loddle said, refering to the character that Mole often wrote about. The girls laughed and sat down at the Ravenclaw table.

October 30th soon came, signaling the arrival of the students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. It also started the week of detentions. Classes got out early that evening, and the whole school lined up on the front lawn of the castle to greet the new guests.

"Oh, I'm so excited to meet Viktor Krum!" Jilly-O squealed. "I bet he's hot!" Krum was her favorite character and she was totally ready to find a way to steal his heart. Hermione was all wrong for him.

Loddle nodded in agreement. "I want a hot Bulgaran, too!" They looked at Mole, who was grinning. "I'm just happy to be in a castle full of guys with hot accents!" They were bouncing up and down on their toes like a group of giddy teenage girls...Most likely because they were giddy teenage girls. After waiting for five minuted, a bunch of students pointed towards the sky. The Oui Gang looked up and saw tthat a carriage pulled by flying horses were heading their way.

"Yay!" Cried Loddle, who loved horses. "Here come the French kids." She said afterwards. And they came. The students came out, followed by their Headmistress. She was the tallest lady that they had ever seen!

"Holy," Jilly-O gasped. "That's gotta be the tallest lady I've ever seen!" After more waiting, Jilly-O nearly screamed when she saw a mast coming out of the water. "VIKTOR!" The other students turned towards the lake and started pointing. Soon the Durmstrang students were lined up on the shore and they came marching towards the castle. When Kakaroff greeted Dumbledore, the only thing that any of the students could do was stare. Stare at his horrible, twisted, mangled, dirty teeth! The Oui Gang looked on in terror. It was that bad! But soon all thoughts of bad dentistry left their minds as the extra-fine Vikor Krum walked by. Jilly-O Screamed his name, but he didn't look at any of the Hogwarts students. He just slouched into the castle with his nasty Headmaster.

"You guys!" Jilly-O started. "We gotta get Krum's attention. That's like more important than even getting home!" So that was the plan. Help Jilly-O steal the heart of everyone's favorite Quiddich player, and then find someone who could help them get home. The girls turned back into the castle with the rest of the school and went to dinner. There was a welcoming feast.

"Y'think Vikky will sit with us? Oh, oh man! He's sitting with the Slytherins! Damnit, why couldn't we have been Slytherins!" Jilly-O was completely obsessing over Viktor Krum. It reminded the others of a certain Ronald Weasley. After suffering that dissapointment, they decided to try some of the dishes made for the new schools.

"Ew, this bouillabaisse. It's like dead fish soup." Loddle said, wrinkling her nose.

"No, fool! It's like a pirate's soup!" Mole said. She took a big spoonfull and nearly gagged it back up. "Erm, no more seafood for me...blech." They spent the rest of the evening planning their Opereation Krum. Granger was going down!

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Oooh, do you like my shameless advertizing? (the Dark reference) That's basically the idea of the story. They'll ask a bunch of people if they can get them home. Oh, and here's where I plug for my buddy, Jilly-O. Um her penname is Jilene Marr. You should read her stuff, it's funny. She has a victor fic out. Oh and read my other stuff while you're at it! Thank you. One last thing, I'm sorry that in chap.1 I forgot to edita part. The title of the book that the girls fell out of is **"The Oui Gang and the White Mountains"** Not that it really matters. I just feel like an idiot for leaving it blank. How'd you like to review this? It's all the rage, man! 


	4. Sneaking Aboard

Hello, anyone who reads this. Sorry for the wait. I hope that this is funny and not too evil, seeing that it involvs real people. Please enjoy chapter four!

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**Chapter 4: Sneaking Aboard**

The three young ladies of the Oui Gang were sitting in a small circle in front of their warm fire. It was a bit past seven in the evening, and they were plotting.

"Ok, so I think a good way to take Granger down is to befriend the enemy, if you know what I mean." Jilly-O grinned madly as she spoke. "So, I guess we should start hanging out with them. We can use the fact that Hermione was the first one we saw when we got stuck here. She seems like she'd be overjoyed to hang out with us. And maybe we can use her know-it-all-ness to get us out of here... You know. After I get to date Vikky!" So that was the plan. Jilly-O felt confident that it would work.

"Sounds good to me. But I've got to get going. Detention, ick! And with Scary Snape!" Mole said, gathering her bookbag.

"Oh, I'm sure you want a detention with _him_!" Jilly-O joked.

"Argh, no! Just because he was like my favorite character... Ew, no!" Mole squealed. "But you know, he might be able to help send us back home." She said hopefully. Throwing her bag over her shoulder, she left through the portriat hole. Her friends watched after her, sympathetically. Then, Jilly-O had another bright idea.

"Let's go for a walk!" She suggested to Loddle. "Around the lake!" Loddle caught on and grinned. The two grapped their spiffy new cloaks and threw them over their uniforms before grabbing their wands and maps. They too left through the portriat hole and bid their pirate friend a good night.

Meanwhile, Mole finally reached the door to the potions classroom. She checked her watch. Five minutes early. That was just great. Not! She sighed and decided that she should use her extra time to find out if Snape knew a way to send them back to the "real world". She knocked, and just as she expected, a voice barked, "Enter."

Snape looked up from his work and sneered at Mole, who visibly paled. "You're early. Why?" He asked.

"I'd be late, otherwise." Mole, tried regaining her courage enough to be smart with him. "And I need to ask your help, kind of." She added.

"My help? And what makes me think I'd help you?" Snape sneered even more.

"Because, Sir, my friends and I don't intend to stay here forever. We have actual lives, you know!" Mole was allready growing impatient. "Do you think you'd know of any way of sending us back, you know, to the Real world." Snape glared at Mole. "I mean, our world, not neccesarily the real world, but yeah..." She tried.

:"I suppose that I could look into it. Just to get you out of here. But right now, you are to serve your detention. You are to organise my supplies and take inventory." He smirked, knowing he gave her a difficult task.

Mole groaned. "Fine," she said. "But this is starting to sound like some sort of crappy fanfiction."

Snape showed her where the supplies were kept, all the while his robes were all billowy, like in the book. Mole wondered how they did that. There was no wind. They were inside, and there were no windows in the dungeons. When the Potions Professor walked by, she heard a soft humming noise. "What's that humming noise?" Mole asked, obviously.

"What humming noise? I hear nothing!" Snape Snapped.

"No, its pretty loud, actually. Oh man, its coming from you, Sir."

"Ridiculous!" He sounded panicky and defensive. Mole was convinced it was him and tried to tackle him, when a small fan fell to the ground. "Damn!"

"A fan? Why were you keeping a fan with you?" Mole was truly curious.

Snape sighed, defeated. "To keep my robes billowing at all times. How else can I keep up my image of being ominous?"

"Not by keeping a plastic muggle fan on you!" Mole laughed. She laughed hard until she looked up to se the evil Snape looming over her. That shut her up.

"Get to work, Mole!"

On the school grounds, Jilly-O and Loddle on the shore of the lake, looking out at the big ship sitting on the water. "Sooo..." Loddle said. "We're not seriously going on there, are we?" She rolled her eyes as Jilly-O nodded entusiastically. Loddle then pointed out that the paranoid Kakaroff only had the dock to the ship conjured when it was needed. "How will we get aboard?" She asked Jilly-O, somewhat dreading the answer.

"That's a good question," Jilly-O admitted. "Maybe we can get the giant squid to help us. I don't really feel like swimming." Then she started going over the ways to get the squid's attention. All of them, however included going into the lake, which was not an option. It was Loddle, who came up with the winning plan.

"I know!" She shouted. Jilly-O looked at her. "Toast," she said, while pulling a slice of toast out of her pocket. "Remember? The squid likes toast."

Jilly-O gaped at Loddle for a moment. "How?...Why?...You keep toast in your pocket! Were you going to actually eat that?"

"Well, I put it there in the morning, because I had to carry my books to class. Then class started and I forgot about it. It's all cold and pocket lint-covered, so no. I won't eat it... But the squid will!" With that, Loddle tossed her cold buttered toast into the lake, where it landed with a squishy flop sound. Soon, the giant squid of the lake reached a tentacle out of the water and pulled the soggy bread under. "HEY SQUID!" Loddle yelled. The tentacle re-emerged.

Jilly-O took it from there. "Could you maybe carry us over to that ship? Please? We don't want to get wet." The squid then wraped itself around the girls and carried them through the air and onto the deck of the Durmstrang ship. They landed with soft thuds and looked around them. The coast was clear. "Wow, they go to bed pretty early around here," Whispered Jilly-O. Loddle nodded her head in agreement and they went to search for Viktor.

"And a hot Bulgarian for me, too!" Loddle said, to the sky, where she supposed the narration was coming from.

They tiptoed past the captain's quarters, where they were guessing Kakaroff was. And went below deck. It was dark, so they whispered the lumos spell, feeling like they were in the movie or something crazy like that. They searched the ship quite thoroughly, finding first where the girls stayed. They seemed to want to hang out with their favorite book characters, but of course, they were not hot Bulgarian men, so Loddle and Jillly-O kept moving. They soon found the boys' cabin and asked for Viktor.

"Oh, Krum?" Asked one of the boys with a heavy accent. "No 'ee is not in here. 'Ee is Headmasters' favorite, zo 'ee is staying in his own private quarters. Are you vanting me to show you to his room?"

The two girls nodded enthusiastically and Loddle took the boy's arm tightly as he showed them the way. As soon as they had reached Viktor Krum's door, the Bulgarian boy, with much effort, pried Loddle's arm off of him. "Viktor is in here. I must be going."

"Aww, are you sure?" Loddle whined. The boy nodded, but cheered Loddle up with a wink and a cheesy finger point. Then he went back to his room, not wanting the Headmaster to catch him out and about. Jilly-O and Loddle looked at the wooden door in front of them with anicipation. Jilly-O slowly raised her hand to knock, but stoped. Not because she realized that she was being stalkerish, but because there was definately a presence behind her. She and Loddle turned fearfully to find such a terrifying sight in front of them that they nearly lost their lunches...or dinners, and possibly deserts.

The dreadful Kakaroff was looming over them. "You two 'Ogwarts girls are not trying to sabotage our school are you? I thought not. Of course it vould be silly to try anything. We haven't even found out who our competitors are...And the consiquences for meddling, vell, they are just dire." He gave them a sickening smile. Sickening, because of his hideous and nasty teeth. Jilly-O gagged out loud while Loddle's eyes began to water from holding in a retch of her own. "Now lets escort you off of the ship!"

The giant squid, who was happily munching on soggy toast looked up to see two people being thrown off the side of the ship that was annoying in the middle of his lake. And he heard with his little squiddy ears, a loud cry. "CURSES! I'VE BEEN FOILED! CUUUURRRRSEEEEESSSSS!"

Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Mole wasn't having too much luck either. True, she had convinced Professor Snape that detention time would be best used if they worked on finding her a way home, but none of Snape's books had any useful information so far. "Find anyting, Sir?" Mole asked hopefully.

"No."

"Hm, well, maybe a potion isn't the answer them."

Snape sighed in agreement. "Perhaps not. Or else it would be a very complex one." He sounded like he was becoming irritated with the search. Mole decided to lighten the conversation.

"So um, yeah. What kind of fanfiction do you like. And how does it work in the wizarding world."

"Scrolls, how else?" Snape stated obviously. "As for my favorite kind of fanfiction... _Well, Mole_.." There was somehitng to his tone that sounded like he thought Mole knew where this was going, which she didn't. Or didn't want to.

"Er?"

"Well, it has to do with you..." He smirked. Mole promptly ran from the room screaming.

Severus just sat there, wondering what was so scary about him reading the Mole's Humor genre.

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So what did you think? I need feedback. I really do! Is my little suggestive Snape pun too scary? Or even funny? I bet not, but anyways, review! 


	5. Ask Black

**Well, it's been a while. Here'a another chapter, though. I'm hoping this is going somewhere. I almost forgot wht was happening, because I had left it for so long. Enjoy and remember: I don't own Harry Potter stuff!****

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**Chapter 5: Ask Black**

Loddle, Jilly-O, and Mole were sitting in their common room. For a whole week, that had befriended Hogwarts' Golden Trio, and were currently plotting Hermione's demise. Things were not going very well, so far. Especially since they had not seen much of Viktor lately.

"I suppose we should try something at that ball. Isn't there one for Christmas?" Loddle asked, remembering the book's plot.

"You're a genius!" Jilly-O exclaimed. "That's like almost a month from now! Oh, we'll have to go shopping again and everything."

"And then we can try to get home?" Mole asked from the sofa. "I mean, being here's awesome but I think we should find a way. We could use it whenever we're ready to leave, if we could only figure this out."

"I second that," Loddle said. "Too bad Snape was no help. I thought he was supposed to be smart."

Mole grumbled something incoherent at the sound of Snape's name. She had been avoiding him like the plague after their little "misunderstanding". Jilly-O and Loddle wouldn't let her hear the end of it, either. Mole finally got a bright idea.

"Let's try to hang out with the Potter Pals at Hogsmeade! They think we're the coolest thing since sliced bread, so how hard could it be?" Mole beamed at her brilliance.

So they strolled down to the great hall where breakfast was being served and plunked themselves down at the Gryffindor table. Jilly-O, being more outgoing, started the conversation. "So you guys going to Hogsmeade today?" She asked. Harry looked at her. What an ugly kid!

"Er yeah, but we're going to see someone...Or would you allready know about that." By now, the secret was out about the Oui Gang's acess to the Harry Potter book series. They were even being treated as fortune tellers in some cases.

"Yeah, we know." Loddle said. Mole tapped the side of her nose knowingly to emphasize the point. Loddle continued. "Your convicted murderer Godfather who is really innocent. Yep, a well liked character."

Harry's face brightened. "Then you must come!" He said. He was obviously taken with his new aquaintances, as were Ron and Hermione.

"Yes," Hermione agreed. "Anyone from a book is a friend of mine! Meet us in the Entrance Hall when it's time to leave"

The Oui Gang nodded and excused themselves from the dining hall. "Well that was too easy!" Jilly-O vocalaized the unanimous thought. "Are they really that dull and trusting! Well, let's go get ready. This is bound to be interesting." They all skipped merrily off to ther rooms to grab someting warm to wear out to the village.

Soon enough, the group of six were trecking towards the outskirts of the small wizarding village, looking for Harry's Godfather, Sirius Black. When they finally approached the large black dog, it growled suspiciously at the strange girls. "Finally, someone with common sense," mutteres Loddle.

"It's alright, they know you're innocent. Haven't you read their books? They know all bout us and things that haven't even happened yet," Harry assured. Sirius seemed to shrug as well as a dog could shrug and moved on, still suspicious. They climbed up to a cave and Sirius changed to his human form.

"What book?" He asked, but the Oui Girls could only grin stupidly at him. He wasn't half bad looking for a starved convict.

"They're the Oui Gang, Sirius," Hermione said.

"Oh! Right! I've read all your books, even though I've been suffering in Askaban for twelve years and on the run for two. Pretty sweet fanfiction!" Sirius grinned and winked. If he wasn't grinning so nicely, the girls would have shifted uncomfortably at the fanfiction reference. Instead, they beamed up at him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with the Golden trio chatting with Sirius about things that bored the others. Suddenly, a thought struck Mole. "Guys," she whispered to her friends. "Do you think that we could like not let Sirius die?"

Jilly-O looked at her. "No. Remember what Dumbledore said?"

"Aw, but it's only changing the future a little!" Mole whined loudly. Hermione heard her.

"You can't change the course of time! You could kill someone!"

Mole snorted. "Or save Sirius's life."

Now harry was looking at them. "Sirius is going to die! NOOO!" He leapt at Sirius and clung onto him, unfortunately cutting off his air supply. "Oh no! He's out cold!"

Mole jumped up now. "CPR! He needs mouth to mouth!" She sounded a bit too eager. She leapt at Sirius, but was tackled by Loddle, Jilly-O, and Hermione.

"Ow! Hey!"

"No way! I'm so much better at CPR!"

"I just learned it in health class!"

"I'm a genius! I read about it! Let ME do it!" There was a mass confusion throughout the little cave. Sirius, who had long recovered was watching with a bemused expression on his face.

"Well, that's interesting..." He mused aloud.

Ron looked on, perplexed. "They must really want to save lives..." Buckbeak promptly cuffed him upside the head.

Suddenly, the frenzy died down, and everyone settled. The group of students only spent one more hour with Sirius, and the Oui Girls tried to see if Sirius had any ideas on how to send them back to their world. Sadly as smart as he was, he had no clue.

In the Oui Gang Quarters, a piece of parchment was set up over the mantle. The heading read:

"People Who May Be Able To Help Us"

On the parchment was the names of nearly all of the Herry Potter characters with a few crossed out in read ink, S. Snape, S. Black, H. Granger... It seemed for our heroes, the search was nowhere near finished.

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**Gasp! Are our heroes turning into fan girls! I'll let you figure that for yourself. If this is slow so far, I hope that I'm right when I say that it will get better. I have some ideas, you know! For now, read my other stuff, it's darkprediction-a-liscious!...wow.**


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Harry Potter, Humor