Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Once Upon a Time Road Trip

**AN: **This is part of a much larger work that is being posted on AO3 by Ellaworm11 and I. The story is called Fireworks, and we currently have chapter 1 up. These are snippets from chapter 2. Fireworks is a multi-crossover fic which combines Agents of Shield, Avengers, Once Upon a Time, Warehouse 13, Damages, and includes references to Firefly and How I met your mother. Good luck!

* * *

JUNE 2014

Phil Coulson was a strong believer in the word "family". That it is a very simple word with profound meaning, one which many a toddler comes to master and understand, it is, by far, one of the most powerful and unifying words he knows.

So, as the recently inaugurated director of the hyperbolically mislabeled "terrorist" organization of SHIELD, tasked with the protection of humanity against both itself and the unknown, director Phil Coulson's first act as commander in chief of the world's protection agency was "assembling the family".

In other words, tracking down the fabled Avengers and the elusive ex director Nick Fury.

…which is surprisingly easy with the modern era's addiction to social networking and electronics, and, oh yeah, having a world class hacker on board your aircraft.

"Skye. How's it going?" Coulson places a hand on the shoulder of the brunette girl he's come to regard as a daughter.

Skye's fingers fly madly over the keys, her eyes tracking and analyzing the code before her.

"Not bad!" She says, breathlessly with a smirk, "I've got Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, and Bruce Banner. Searching for Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff… got 'em! I can't believe I'm actually going to meet THE Avengers!"

"I know, isn't it exciting?" Simmons lilts as she gracefully waltzes in, hand in hand with fellow intellectual savant agent Fitz.

"Got the connections all set up in back, sir, "Fitz addresses Coulson, "We should be clear to establish communication in five minutes."

"Great work, everyone!" Coulson calls.

As special agent Antoine Triplett casually walks into the briefing room, Coulson regards his team. It's not just Skye who he thinks of as his own, but Fitz-Simmons and Triplett too, he realizes with a swelling feeling not unlike pride in his chest. That being said, special agent Melinda May would then be his wi-now wait a second!

"May?" Coulson addresses the Bluetooth in his ear connected to the cockpit of the plane, "How are things on your end? Are we clear?"

"We're entering international airspace now, "May informs him, "The rest is up to Skye."

Coulson gives Skye the thumbs up. Skye nods and performs her computer magic before hooking her laptop to the ship's communication mainframe.

"I'm still a little bummed we can't meet Thor, " Triplett admits as they wait for the systems to load.

"Yeah, but doesn't he only come down from high Asgard when, like, really big apocalyptic events are occurring?"Skye supplies.

"As much as I'd like to see the big guy again, let's just pray we don't." Coulson says, fixing his tie, "By the way, do I look alright to you guys? I haven't seen these fellas since the incident in New York…"

Simmons smiles brilliantly, "For a dead man you look spectacular!"

"Thanks," Coulson brushes off his suit.

"OK, we're clear for transmission," Skye informs, "Establishing a connection in three…two…"

The overhead lights flicker as the power is momentarily redirected through the massive cables Fitz just set up. The screens in the briefing room burst into life as five familiar faces appear on separate screens.

"Hey! What happened to my American Horror Story?" Romanoff snaps, sitting upright on couch with a muted color scheme.

"How'd you get past JARVIS?" Stark inquires from his tinkering shed, eye twitching.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!... Agent Coulson?" Rogers' jaw drops in disbelief. It looks like he's staring at a treadmill screen.

"That's it, I'm finally dead," Banner addresses his ceiling, dramatically with head in hands as he pulls at his face, "I've died. I'm in the matrix. And the ghost of Agent Coulson is here to haunt me!"

"It's a hoax," Romanoff's eyes narrow.

"Yeah. Dude, you're like…dead," Barton scratches his head.

Coulson clears his throat and fixes his tie. As remarkably awesome and totally cool as these guys are, he'd forgotten what a pain in the ass it was to babysit them.

"Yeah…I didn't stay dead for long."

* * *

July 1, 2014

Coulson stands at the entrance to the BUS, Skye and Triplett on one side of him, FitzSimmons and May on the other. Facing Lola, Coulson's prized bright-red convertible, and May's black SUV, they await the arrival of the fabled Avengers.

For each member of his team, this means something different. For FitzSimmons, it's a chance to meet some of the greatest minds of their age. For Skye, its a chance to meet the real heroes of SHIELD. For Triplett, it's a chance to meet the man his grandfather talked so highly of. For May, it's a chance to hang out with an old friend. For Coulson, it will be his first act as Director of one of the most powerful agencies in history.

That is, if anyone shows up.

"You know, for a bunch of super heroes, you'd think they'd be on time." Fitz comments dryly.

"Here comes someone!" Simmons bounces a little on the balls of her feet in excitement.

"What on earth is that?" Fitz asks in confusion.

Flying several feet off the ground, silver and black and covered with brown dust and dirt, comes what looks like a motorcycle without wheels.

"That's Hawkeye's SkyCycle." Coulson explains. "And it looks like Black Widow's with him."

Sure enough, Clint Barton pilots the contraption into the loading dock of the BUS, carefully maneuvering around Lola at Natasha Romanoff's direction. They land delicately, and disembark.

"Hey Frankenstein! Thought the villagers stabbed you with pitchforks!" Natasha laughs, hugging Coulson.

"Nah. They didn't burn me well enough." Coulson returns. "How's it going, Clint?"

"Not so bad." Clint shakes Coulson's hand, as Natasha and May greet each other. The two had fought together before, and Natasha and Agent Hill had both had a hand in training May.

"I don't think you've met the rest of my team." Coulson gestures to each of his people in turn. "This is Skye, our technology expert. Fitz and Simmons, expert engineer and biochemist, and Agent Triplet."

"Nice to meet y'all." Natasha smiles, and Clint nods to each of them. Coulson's team looks excited, and Coulson looks proud of his family.

Behind them, a motorcycle roars into the BUS. 'Steve Rogers, a man out of time, the FIRST AVENGER, FUCKIN' CAPTAIN AMERICA' parks his Harley Davidson next to Clint's SkyCycle. Wearing his usual leather jacket and plaid shirt, with his shield strapped on his back, he grins and shakes Coulson's hand happily.

"Good to see you alive, sir."

"You too." Coulson grins back. "Thanks for bringing down my agency."

Steve laughs. "Hey Nat. Find a new cover?"

"Working on it." She laughs, and accepts his formal handshake.

Conversation is again cut off as another convertible pulls into the BUS. Tony Stark steps out of the drivers seat, neatly dressed in a suit and tie, and walks up to the group with a familiar smirk. Behind him, Bruce Banner steps out of the passenger seat, wearing a much friendlier, if slightly nervous, smile. Coulson hears Simmons slap Fitz's arm repeatedly in excitement.

"Hey Frankenstein." Tony greets Coulson, shaking his hand tightly.

"I already made that joke, Tony." Natasha quips.

"Whatever." Tony smirks again.

"I thought I told you I prefer to avoid potential global catastrophes." Banner points out.

Coulson just smiles. As annoying as they are, he had missed the Avengers.

20 minutes later, after repeated introductions and handshakes galore, the Avengers lounge in the lobby of the BUS, comfortably sipping drinks and catching up while Coulson prepares to lecture them. Triplet stands next to Captain Rogers, grinning as he explains what his grandfather had done after World War Two. Although he usually didn't advertise the fact that he was the grandson of a Howling Commando, Triplet had happily announced it to Steve when Steve told him he looked familiar. May and Natasha Romanoff are sitting on the couch, explaining a prank they had pulled on Clint years ago to Skye, while Clint himself denies the entire event adamantly. Fitz-Simmons had produced one of their 'dwarves'- the tiny drones that could map a crime scene in seconds- and were proudly showing it off to Tony and Bruce.

Coulson surveys all of this, and smiles. 'As long as they act like this' he thinks, 'we will be fine.' "Ok!" He says out loud, "Let's get started!"

*BEEP*

Coulson sighs. "Or not." he looks at May. "Was someone else coming?"

She shrugs, but stands and crosses to a video screen. Pressing a few buttons, a picture of the loading dock of the BUS appears. And there, walking up the ramp, is a mildly terrifying looking man with a dramatic black leather trench coat and a woman in the standard SHIELD uniform. May looks at Coulson and raises her eyebrows wordlessly.

"Is that Fury?" Rogers asks.

"Isn't he dead?" Stark asks.

"To be fair, I think most of the people in this room have been ruled dead at least once." Romanoff points out.

"Seriously?" Simmons asks, looking mildly concerned.

"Jemma, we're both on that list. We were at the bottom of the ocean, remember?" Fitz grins.

"Yes, I remember, you twit." she bumps him good-naturedly, trying not to remember the freezing ocean water trying to drag her back down as she held his lifeless body above the waves.

Coulson opens the door, and sure enough, former SHIELD Director Nicholas J. Fury and his right- hand, Agent Maria Hill, stride in.

"Typically, when people hand their agencies over to other people, they move to Florida and drive golf carts everywhere." Coulson tells them, acting mildly annoyed, "Not come right back and crash the new leader's team briefings."

"I tried, but Hill wasn't up for the whole socks-and-sandals thing." Fury doesn't smile, but Coulson knows he's joking. He hadn't expected Fury to stay gone for long, anyway.

"Well, welcome. Take a seat." Hill drops onto the couch next to Romanoff, and May sits back down next to her. Fury stands at the back, folds his arms, and looks menacing.

"Right." Coulson continues. "So as you all know, SHIELD has been basically completely disassembled."

"Yeah, thanks for that." Stark interrupts, glaring at Rogers.

"We could've let Hydra blow you up." Romanoff grins at him.

"I'm too pretty for God to let me die." Stark tells her, completely straight-faced.

"Anyway!" Coulson interrupts their bickering. "We're still trying to root out all of Hydra, who for all we know, could still be embedded in what is left of SHIELD. Furthermore, you are basically looking at what remains of SHIELD's agents and resources."

"What- the kids?!" Again, it's Stark who interrupts, looking incredulously at the four younger agents.

"Hey- I can drink!" Skye snaps at him. Stark does not look comforted.

"Yes, Mr. Stark, the kids." Coulson resist the urge to add 'they're more mature than you', and continues instead. "We need to rebuild, but we've got bigger problems. There is a potential threat coming from the backwoods of Maine."

"Again with potential global catastrophes. I told you I avoid those!" Banner groans, looking pointedly at Romanoff.

"Hey, I didn't drag you here this time! Glare at Stark." she responds.

"What threat could be coming from Maine?" Stark asks. "Poisoned lobster? Moose? The Bruins?"

"What's the plural of 'moose'?" Clint asks offhandedly. Noticing how annoyed Coulson looks, Romanoff elbows him, but too late. His comment has already sparked an argument that includes the entire room.

Fury just laughs,enjoying the fact that he doesn't have to try to control this group of grown-up children anymore.

"Enough!" Coulson shouts. Surprisingly, everyone shuts up. "Ok. Skye? Explain why there is a potential threat from Maine."

Skye stands up, starting a powerpoint and holding a laser pointer. "Right. So in the simplest terms possible, a bunch of crazy lights in the sky led us to an isolated part of the woods in Maine, near the sea. The lights appeared for several hours, spun around, acted crazy, and then disappeared. I consulted Dr. Banner-" she nods, and he nods back, and all the other Avengers stare at him. "and he agreed that these…" Skye continued speaking about what sounded, to everyone except the scientists, like scientific mumbo jumbo. "So in conclusion," she finishes, "something is wrong with middle of no where, Maine."

Skye finishes her speech, and turns to smile confidently into the room. The rest of her team nods encouragingly to her, as does Dr. Banner. Tony Stark appears to be studying her powerpoint seriously- there's a first for this meeting. Romanoff and Barton seem to at least somewhat understand her scientific jargon, but Rogers is apparently attempting to conceal his confusion. For a moment, everyone is silent.

"Any questions?" Skye asks finally.

Tony raises his hand, and Coulson restrains an audible groan. "Ok, how about this- Stark, you're going to be working with Banner on this anyway, so he'll explain it to you more later. Anyone else have any questions?"

Tony lowers his hand slowly, faking a wounded expression. Coulson ignores him.

"So here's the deal. We are going to investigate this town."

"Who's 'we'?" Barton asks, already anticipating and dreading the answer.

"Us. All of us." Coulson indicates the room. The room's occupant's silent reactions to this revelation vary- from Fury's 'this could be really bad, or really great', to Steve's 'bring it on' stone face, to Hill's 'god, not again'.

"So...we're all going to walk into this tiny town, which probably doesn't get a lot of traffic, and...what? Blend in?" Romanoff does not sound convinced.

"Yes. That is exactly what we're going to do." Coulson states firmly.

"Are we going to be in disguise?" Barton, ever the spy, questions. "A bunch of people, randomly showing up at the same time...bound to draw attention."

"Yes, we've got something of a disguise." Coulson hesitates. This part was not going to go over well. "To the people of Storybrooke, we will be a family, road tripping up north to visit friends."

The group of unruly adults stares at him. "Family?" Rogers asks, his jaw dropping just a little.

"Yeah, family." Coulson says. "Mostly siblings-"

"Well, that'll be believable, at least." Fury says, finally commenting from the back of the room. "They do bicker like children. But some may have a hard time believing a few of us are related." Triplet and Skye shift uncomfortably, but May keeps her deadpan.

"I noticed." Coulson mentally steels himself for this next part. "That's why you, Fury, and Agent Hill will be a married couple, and Triplet and Skye will be your kids."

Hill chokes on her scotch, and Fury gives Coulson a look like 'I make you director of the most powerful agency in America- possibly in the world- and this is how you repay me?'. 'That's one family down' Coulson thinks, 'just get the rest over with'.

"Hill, Romanoff, Banner, Stark, Rogers, and I will be siblings." This scenario not being too hard to stomach, Coulson continues in a rush. "May will be my- wife." He tries not to choke on that. "Simmons will be our daughter, and Fitz is her boyfriend." The two of them grin at each other.

"What about me?" Barton asks.

"You're Romanoff's boyfriend." Coulson says simply. This seems to make Barton happy, and Romanoff-well, he never knows what she's thinking anyway, so he assumes she's fine with the cover as well.

He continues, "Right. We'll be camping in RV's just outside of the main town while we're there. FitzSimmons, Dr. Banner, and Stark will be investigating the strange lights. Skye will be investigating the citizens of the town. Everyone else will be in town, acting like a family on vacation."

"Vacation!" Stark squeals, in a high, squeaky, little-girl voice. He offers a high five to the room, which Fitz finally accepts.

"Great. Pack your bags." Coulson nods to the room. "We're going to Maine."

* * *

July 3, 2014

There were many bar stools and booths available this early at Granny's, as most of Storybrooke's residents were still rousing form their beds. A waitress with red streaked hair welcomed Fury and Hill cooly as they pulled seats from the bar.

"Hi, I'm Ruby," She says, "What can I get for you?"

Hill speaks before Fury can, "We'll have two of your breakfast baskets, please, with hashbrowns."

A silent agreement passes between Fury and Hill. If they were going to spend the entire day nursing alcohol, they sure as Hell wanted something substantial in their stomachs first.

"And water, thanks," Fury adds as an afterthought.

Ruby nods," Alright, then, we'll get your food out as soon as possible so that you can be on your way.

Fury and Hill both nod with friendly smiles toward Ruby as the door to Granny's opens with a chime. Without turning, Hill identifies the customer as the Mayor and she clears her throat. Fury puts a finger to the invisible Bluetooth in his ear.

"Strategy games," He says.

There is a brief pause. Ruby comes with water and cutlery. Hill takes a few sips, and then Coulson's voice is in their ears.

"Copy that."


End file.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Once Upon a Time, Drama, Humor